# Posting Naked pics



## firebelly1

So, as a follow-up to my thread: anyone taken post divorce to go outside the sexual box, I've been exploring some "adult" meetup websites. Inevitably on these sites folks post naked pics of themselves - mostly body parts as they don't want their faces all over the interweb. 

I have been hesitant to post pics of myself for a variety of reasons but probably chief among them is that I am 44 and have the body of a 44 year old. I have stretch marks and saggy boobs from birthing and breast feeding three kids. Chunky thighs. Big butt. That's what I see. So, I have assumed no one would be interested in me posting photos of myself. 

But one day I thought, well, if I put on some spanx, I might look good in a dress. So, I posted that photo. (Again, no faces). Much to my surprise, I got some "likes" from a variety of people (men and women) and even more to my surprise, from young men. 

This has gotten me braver about the photos I will post / email to folks including one, finally, that was just me, no spanx. No nothing. (no face ) I cringed as I sent it 'cause I thought "oh god. He's never gonna want to have sex with me now." I got an enthusiastic, "wow" kind of response. 

Let me tell you, there is no bigger ego boost than that. And it got me thinking, oh my god. My body image has kept me from having so much sex. How many other women are like me, not putting themselves out there 'cause they worry about how imperfect their bodies are?


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## Morgiana

Firebelly, i used to worry so much about it in my 20s, and I'm by no means hard on the eye. Now I know gravity and being preggo has really done a number on my body, but I also care less about it. It's a shame that at guys age we think they look better, but girls are always supposed to look 29. Embrace it, embrace you, and rock it.


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## 06Daddio08

I see absolutely no reason why someone would be required to post naked photos of themselves online. Dating site or not.


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## Morgiana

I know of some alternative lifestyle websites that this is normal... Besides whats wrong with amateur porn?


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## firebelly1

06Daddio08 said:


> I see absolutely no reason why someone would be required to post naked photos of themselves online. Dating site or not.


It's not required, just desired.


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## firebelly1

06Daddio08 said:


> I see absolutely no reason why someone would be required to post naked photos of themselves online. Dating site or not.


And, they aren't really "dating" sites. They are sites where people are looking primarily for sex.


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## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Posting Naked pics*



firebelly1 said:


> And, they aren't really "dating" sites. They are sites where people are looking primarily for sex.





firebelly1 said:


> It's not required, just desired.


Oh, well if that's the case all that's holding you back is your own insecurities.


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## firebelly1

06Daddio08 said:


> Oh, well if that's the case all that's holding you back is your own insecurities.


Exactly! I don't know if I can describe this, but my loathing about certain of my body parts keeps me from doing a lot of things in my life. I spent 8 years in a marriage where I only got begrudging sex once a month and in my heart of hearts I thought that's all I deserved because of how my body looked.


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## brokeneric

Posting naked pics:- He!! no.


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## firebelly1

brokeneric said:


> Posting naked pics:- He!! no.


Why would you not? I'm just curious. Cuz a lot of the guys on these sites just post a picture of their erections. Which, is a little aggressive and off-putting if you ask me. But pics of a guy with his shirt off or other nice body part, a woman can appreciate that.


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## OptimusPrime

I will make the great personal sacrifice on behalf of the site and volunteer to review all photos of any women wanting feedback on their naked bodies............I'm a giver, what can I say ? 

The body is a tremendously frighteningly self conscience inducing stress ball for so many....unfortunately there are so many women that build that up in their minds and don't realize that many men don't require a maxim magazine body to be turned on


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## firebelly1

OptimusPrime said:


> I will make the great personal sacrifice on behalf of the site and volunteer to review all photos of any women wanting feedback on their naked bodies............I'm a giver, what can I say ?
> 
> The body is a tremendously frighteningly self conscience inducing stress ball for so many....unfortunately there are so many women that build that up in their minds and don't realize that many men don't require a maxim magazine body to be turned on


How generous of you. 

Yeah - I think if women REALLY realized that everyone would be having more sex. Feeling sexy makes women want to have more sex, and vice versa.


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## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Posting Naked pics*



firebelly1 said:


> Exactly! I don't know if I can describe this, but my loathing about certain of my body parts keeps me from doing a lot of things in my life. I spent 8 years in a marriage where I only got begrudging sex once a month and in my heart of hearts I thought that's all I deserved because of how my body looked.


2 years ago I was 300 lbs and a lazy sob, since then I've dropped at least 90 lbs of body fat and bulked up quite a bit.

There are still areas of my body that I'm not 100% confident in but I've come to accept it as is (we all have our down days of course). Plus, whoever I end up with will either appreciate the work I've put in to better myself ... or they won't be a part of my life. Haha.

I personally see no reason to put naked photos of myself online for the world to see. Nor would I accept photos from anyone either, unless I was in a committed relationship of course.

Sending d1ck pics seems so idiotic. But, that's just my view on it.


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## firebelly1

06Daddio08 said:


> 2 years ago I was 300 lbs and a lazy sob, since then I've dropped at least 90 lbs of body fat and bulked up quite a bit.
> 
> There are still areas of my body that I'm not 100% confident in but I've come to accept it as is (we all have our down days of course). Plus, whoever I end up with will either appreciate the work I've put in to better myself ... or they won't be a part of my life. Haha.
> 
> I personally see no reason to put naked photos of myself online for the world to see. Nor would I accept photos from anyone either, unless I was in a committed relationship of course.
> 
> Sending d1ck pics seems so idiotic. But, that's just my view on it.


Good job! And...to each his / her own. d1ck pics aren't _entirely_ idiotic.


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## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Posting Naked pics*



firebelly1 said:


> Good job! And...to each his / her own. d1ck pics aren't _entirely_ idiotic.


I see nothing pretty about a d1ck. Haha.


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## OptimusPrime

firebelly1 said:


> How generous of you.
> 
> Yeah - I think if women REALLY realized that everyone would be having more sex. Feeling sexy makes women want to have more sex, and vice versa.


LOL...yes, I'm quite he prince, just ask me and I'll tell you 

Ya know, it's funny I think......you know the stereotype of guys dreading the "how does my butt look in these jeans" question lol......but when it comes to this, if women don't come out and say they worry about it, then the guy withdrawals because he takes that to be she's just not interested in sex anymore.........quite the vicious cycle.....probably the cause of the invention of internet chat rooms LOL


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## firebelly1

06Daddio08 said:


> I see nothing pretty about a d1ck. Haha.


I think the same thing about vajayjays but you guys seem to think they look ok.


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## firebelly1

OptimusPrime said:


> LOL...yes, I'm quite he prince, just ask me and I'll tell you
> 
> Ya know, it's funny I think......you know the stereotype of guys dreading the "how does my butt look in these jeans" question lol......but when it comes to this, if women don't come out and say they worry about it, then the guy withdrawals because he takes that to be she's just not interested in sex anymore.........quite the vicious cycle.....probably the cause of the invention of internet chat rooms LOL


 Well, and the bummer for you is that you can tell her all day long that she looks good to you but she won't necessarily HEAR it. My stbxh actually _said_ he really liked my body. He never said anything bad about it. I suppose if he wanted to have sex with me more often I would have been more inclined to believe it, but I know there are women who don't even see their husband's initiation of sex as a sign that they are sexy. Which seems counter intuitive, right? But that body image thing is so ingrained.


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## OptimusPrime

OptimusPrime said:


> LOL...yes, I'm quite he prince, just ask me and I'll tell you
> 
> Ya know, it's funny I think......you know the stereotype of guys dreading the "how does my butt look in these jeans" question lol......but when it comes to this, if women don't come out and say they worry about it, then the guy withdrawals because he takes that to be she's just not interested in sex anymore.........quite the vicious cycle.....probably the cause of the invention of internet chat rooms LOL


You said the words "women" and "counter intuitive" in the same post.......yeah, answer confirmed


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## firebelly1

OptimusPrime said:


> You said the words "women" and "counter intuitive" in the same post.......yeah, answer confirmed


Oh, OP. You'd be so bored without us.


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## OptimusPrime

firebelly1 said:


> Oh, OP. You'd be so bored without us.


LOL...this is also true......after all, I'd have way less pictures to review...whatever would I do with all the extra time


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## firebelly1

So, while I"m on the subject, I've been thinking of going to a swingers club. There's a few locally, apparently. There's a particular party coming up that I want to attend but I've seen online that there's a couple planning to attend, both exquisite specimens of the human form. These are my thoughts (among others): "oh my god, every man in the room is going to want her and I will be bupkiss." Then: "I need to do some situps." 

My strategy in the past for dealing with my feelings of inadequacy compared to another woman in the room is to make friends with her. Maybe I'll do that. (Feel free to insert fantasy about what "friends" could mean.)


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## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> Exactly! I don't know if I can describe this, but my loathing about certain of my body parts keeps me from doing a lot of things in my life. I spent 8 years in a marriage where I only got begrudging sex once a month and in my heart of hearts I thought that's all I deserved because of how my body looked.


:iagree:

But almost over this thinking.


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## Dannie1348

Would never post nude picture on a dating site !!


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## LongWalk

As long as you don't post your face what difference does it make?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless

Posting nude photos? Oh please! Come on people....don't you folks have web cams?


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## firebelly1

Pictureless said:


> Posting nude photos? Oh please! Come on people....don't you folks have web cams?


I know. Pictures are so old school.


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## firebelly1

Dannie1348 said:


> Would never post nude picture on a dating site !!


Again, not really "dating" sites.


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## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> Again, not really "dating" sites.


what are these sites?


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## firebelly1

They are more like friends with benefits sites. Or, just benefits. 

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## EnjoliWoman

Heck no. But it depends on what you're looking for. I'm 46 and plump so if I were to take photos it would have to be flattering angles - I *might* send such a picture to someone I'm in a LTR with but no more.

Because I'm looking for a LTR, I want to connect with someone's MIND. Body is secondary. If I were just looking to get laid by a random Joe, well I'm sure I could accomplish that pictures or not.

I'm not a just a breast or a thigh or a *****. I'm the whole package. He doesn't have to LOVE my breasts - he needs to love the person they are on. I'm just looking for a deeper connection than that.


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## firebelly1

I absolutely get that this isn't for everyone folks. I'm not advocating for posting naked pics. Really I'm just saying we women need to realize how our negative body image could be limiting us.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Morgiana

@Enjoliwoman

Not saying that the mental isn't important, or that the physical is _more_ important. But in a decade-plus marriage, there were only two or three positions ever used, 'O' on my part maybe twice, and no participation in any usage of toys from the spouse.

My experiences since then have opened my eyes to the joys of sex, and I can't imagine going back to what I had in my marriage. That being said, in talks with my family, I think my siblings have it worse... there is no oral in either of their marriages :rofl: :scratchhead: :rofl:.


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## Chuck71

I have a confession to make :rofl:

Back in the summer, myself and other guys were Googleing random stuff, alien porn, music teachers gone wild, etc. From what you have described, we may have seen the same site you did.

Being it mine and a friend's birthday party (not same day but close enough to combo) and a nice supply of Scotch and homemade chili.....

I won't go into details of what he did but me, I placed a candle on the side of the railing at the boat dock and proceeded to "fart it out." To do so, my buttox had to be shown.

Being quite lit, I wanted to see how it turned out. My bare buttox resembled a large moon with curved thin tanks on it.


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## Morgiana

@chuck71, i like the story, but I have no idea what you are explaining your posterior to have looked like .


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## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> I've been exploring some "adult" meetup websites. Inevitably on these sites folks post naked pics of themselves - mostly body parts as they don't want their faces all over the interweb.
> 
> How many other women are like me, not putting themselves out there 'cause they worry about how imperfect their bodies are?



I actually like my body. I'm not perfect but am blessed with a great metabolism and do work out regularly, am pretty slender. So my body has never kept me from having sex. In fact, I prefer sex in the light/with the lights on. I like to see everything. With that said, I wouldn't post pics of myself naked on any meetup site. I am not wont to use an adult site for meetups, as it's not my style and I wouldn't text randoms naked pics of me. To me, that is private information and plus, people can use your pictures for all kinds of things. It is a scary thought to me.


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## 6301

I would think that there would be a better way to attract a man. By showing your goods right off the bat is giving a signal that says, "Use me and it doesn't matter if I have feelings or opinions." In other words, your telling the guy that he doesn't have to respect you and are willing to be used for his gratification and after he's through, can toss you aside like yesterdays trash.

Gotta be a better way.


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## firebelly1

Morgiana said:


> @Enjoliwoman
> 
> Not saying that the mental isn't important, or that the physical is _more_ important. But in a decade-plus marriage, there were only two or three positions ever used, 'O' on my part maybe twice, and no participation in any usage of toys from the spouse.
> 
> My experiences since then have opened my eyes to the joys of sex, and I can't imagine going back to what I had in my marriage. That being said, in talks with my family, I think my siblings have it worse... there is no oral in either of their marriages :rofl: :scratchhead: :rofl:.


I'm with you. Look, of course I would like to be doing it with the love of my life. But the love of my life hasn't shown up. In the meantime, I don't want to live like a nun. AND...maybe when the love of my life shows up, I can have learned some things that will make me better in bed for him. Seems win-win.


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## firebelly1

6301 said:


> I would think that there would be a better way to attract a man. By showing your goods right off the bat is giving a signal that says, "Use me and it doesn't matter if I have feelings or opinions." In other words, your telling the guy that he doesn't have to respect you and are willing to be used for his gratification and after he's through, can toss you aside like yesterdays trash.
> 
> Gotta be a better way.


This is a really narrow way of looking at things. When you have sex with someone that you don't know very well, it doesn't mean you can't communicate with each other. It doesn't mean you aren't interested in each other as human beings or in each other's pleasure. I don't feel used or disrespected. I feel desired and even cared for. I get as much out of it as he does, or what's the point of being there?


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## richie33

It's your life...your body....do whatever you need to do to find happiness.


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## firebelly1

Jellybeans said:


> I actually like my body. I'm not perfect but am blessed with a great metabolism and do work out regularly, am pretty slender. So my body has never kept me from having sex. In fact, I prefer sex in the light/with the lights on. I like to see everything. With that said, I wouldn't post pics of myself naked on any meetup site. I am not wont to use an adult site for meetups, as it's not my style and I wouldn't text randoms naked pics of me. To me, that is private information and plus, people can use your pictures for all kinds of things. It is a scary thought to me.


When I saying "putting yourself out there" I don't necessarily mean posting naked pics of yourself. I mean flirting, hoping, approaching men, initiating sex with your partner, exploring what you like in general. I mean doing all the things you don't do because you don't like your body. Interview for a good job. Buy nice clothes. Get your hair done. Go to the beach.


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## Jellybeans

I hear you. I was just posting my opinion on that.  I wouldn't be into those things I mentioned and from your original post.


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## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> Heck no. But it depends on what you're looking for. I'm 46 and plump so if I were to take photos it would have to be flattering angles...


Vavoom Pinups - An Empowering Vintage Photography Experience for the Modern Woman. Established 2008. - HOME


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## firebelly1

Pbartender said:


> Vavoom Pinups - An Empowering Vintage Photography Experience for the Modern Woman. Established 2008. - HOME


I totally want to do this - get my pinup photos taken.


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## Chuck71

this is a guess but is this site AFF?


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## firebelly1

Chuck71 said:


> this is a guess but is this site AFF?


I think it's relatively new: HWL. But when I've been talking about sites "like this" AFF is one I'd include in the FWB type site.


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## Chuck71

most sites as we mentioned have 8:1 ratio, more men

I wonder why


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## firebelly1

Chuck71 said:


> most sites as we mentioned have 8:1 ratio, more men
> 
> I wonder why


Yeah, I'm noticing that.  It's kind of good for the girls.


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## EnjoliWoman

Pbartender said:


> Vavoom Pinups - An Empowering Vintage Photography Experience for the Modern Woman. Established 2008. - HOME


Love it! I would SOOO do that!


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## OptimusPrime

EnjoliWoman said:


> Love it! I would SOOO do that!


I'd suggest the cowgirl one


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## bravenewworld

Kind of funny to get back in the dating/sexing/naked pic posting/whatever tickles your fancy world and realize sexual desire is not based on an airbrushed magazine. 

I'm sure there are people out there who expect a Playboy model or professional athlete but I haven't come across one. I was really worried about it until I came across some wise words from my Joy of Sex book: 

"True sexual confidence - being relaxed, knowledgeable about oneself, willing to learn about another, ready to ask for what's needed, happy to take charge, and un-wobbled by failure or rejection - makes for that ultimate in sexual partners, one is who is both able to give and receive with an equal abundance of pleasure.

This has nothing to do with looks. Nowadays most women - and an increasing number of men - are scared of being spurned on that count but this is because the media manipulates body image. If you don't love your body, change your mind. If your partner doesn't love your body, change your partner. Men are almost always focused on sensation and the feelings of acceptance that sex gives than on your size, shape, or degree of firmness. If he has ever hugged you clothed, he already knows your shape, if when you are unclothed he has an erection, then he not only accepts but lusts after it."


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## EnjoliWoman

Yes, but in order to GET them in the bed, they have to first like what they see and second like what they hear.


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## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> . Men are almost always focused on sensation and the feelings of acceptance that sex gives than on your size, shape, or degree of firmness. If he has ever hugged you clothed, he already knows your shape*, if when you are unclothed he has an erection, then he not only accepts but lusts after it."*


:iagree::rofl::smthumbup:

Ooh boy. I cannot wait to have sex again. Someday.


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## Sandfly

firebelly1 said:


> This is a really narrow way of looking at things. When you have sex with someone that you don't know very well, it doesn't mean you can't communicate with each other. It doesn't mean you aren't interested in each other as human beings or in each other's pleasure. I don't feel used or disrespected. I feel desired and even cared for. I get as much out of it as he does, or what's the point of being there?


You've gone mad, in my opinion. 

Men who are shopping for women who post pictures of their bodies without their faces are 100% not interested in who 'you' are. You are practically auditioning to be treated as a disposable cum-rag.

This will be a damaging experience for someone as intelligent and as vulnerable as you are at the moment. I think the understandable excitement of being accepted has triggered some sort of chemical over-ride to your logic.


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## Jellybeans

Sandfly said:


> Men who are shopping for women who post pictures of their bodies without their faces are 100% not interested in who 'you' are.


I tend to agree with this. It's not about getting to know you as a "human being." It's about sex.


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## angelpixie

But if two people are simply looking for sex, and they know that, and they're honest with themselves and each other about it, and it's consensual ... what is the problem? To me, it's much more honest than going on a dating website and using code phrases like "Looking for fun  " or "Just here looking to meet friends." On the dating sites, there's an illusion of wanting a relationship because of the use of the word "dating." 

Not all women want a sex partner with whom they're in a LTR, or want a FWB, or even want to have an emotional connection. Much of what we've all been taught about generalized 'men' and 'women' and their sexual behaviors and appetites just isn't borne out by empirical evidence. I'd suggest looking into recent research done by sexologists studying female sexual response. It's quite enlightening. 

And as far as the original body-image discussion...yeah, I struggle with this. A lot. It's been something I've dealt with my entire life. I didn't think I'd _ever_ get to a point of wanting to be naked with anyone again, after my marriage and divorce. It's still difficult. But amazingly, when I can keep myself 'in the moment,' I forget about how much I dislike my body, and focus on how much I'm enjoying the experience, enjoying who I'm with... and I do feel more confident...and that creates a positive feedback loop, as it were. It's trying to keep that focus, and not allowing those inner messages to intrude that is the thing I have to work on now.


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## muskrat

I personally would not post pics of myself not fully clothed. Having said that I have been on sites where many people have done this. Most of them just found a random google pic of someone with a nice body and claimed it was them. It is easy to do and since their face isn't in the pic, do you really ever know if that perfect set of boobs or huge c0ck is really theirs?


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## angelpixie

Well there's always that...


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## bravenewworld

Sandfly said:


> Men who are shopping for women who post pictures of their bodies without their faces are 100% not interested in who 'you' are. *You are practically auditioning to be treated as a disposable cum-rag.*



I find the above visual descriptor overly judgmental, and frankly, revolting. Just because a woman wants to connect with a man strictly on a primal sexual level does not mean she's auditioning for the above. If a man chooses to think of her that way, that's his own mental problem. His opinion in no way diminishes her own self worth. OP sounds like a smart lady who knows her own mind and is fully capable of screening out undesirables. I'm sure there are men on NSA websites capable of sharing mutual physical pleasure without mentally/physically/emotionally degrading their partner. 

I think sex is meant to be enjoyed guilt-free, and as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, who cares?! :scratchhead:


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## 6301

firebelly1 said:


> This is a really narrow way of looking at things. When you have sex with someone that you don't know very well, it doesn't mean you can't communicate with each other. It doesn't mean you aren't interested in each other as human beings or in each other's pleasure. I don't feel used or disrespected. I feel desired and even cared for. I get as much out of it as he does, or what's the point of being there?


 I didn't mean to come across as disrespectful. I guess it's old age (me) and my ass backward way. 

I was just trying to say without tripping over my keyboard is that in my younger days, there was the element of "the chase" and half the fun was getting there. I know it sounds really corny.

OK, I said what I needed to say so with that said, Have fun but from a old guy telling you to just be careful OK?


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## angelpixie

6301 said:


> OK, I said what I needed to say so with that said, Have fun but from a old guy telling you to* just be careful OK?*



Nothing wrong with that kind of sentiment. :smthumbup:


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## Sandfly

bravenewworld said:


> Also correct me if I'm wrong Sandfly but I seem to remember you saying you had shared group sex, swinging, etc. with your partner?
> 
> I haven't done any of that stuff but I think sex is meant to be enjoyed guilt-free, and as long as everyone is a consenting adult, who cares?! :scratchhead:


Not me BNW. 

Firebelly's comments across her posts prompted my reply:

"Much to my surprise, I got some "likes" from a variety of people (men and women) and even more to my surprise, from young men."

"there is no bigger ego boost than that."

"I got an enthusiastic, "wow" kind of response."

"I would like to be doing it with the love of my life, but..."

"When you have sex with someone that you don't know very well, it doesn't mean you can't communicate with each other. It doesn't mean you aren't interested in each other as human beings or in each other's pleasure."

The first three show that she has tied her ego to whether she is accepted or rejected for her looks. The fourth and fifth ones show she is really looking for someone for more than anonymous sex. I feel that while these sites might work for someone whose ego isn't tied to body image and who isn't wanting a companion in life, they aren't for her at this stage. It's out of concern and not judgement that I posted... I see someone who is about to embark on a self-damaging course which may leave her dysfunctional and bitter. She's not thinking straight.


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## bravenewworld

Apologies Sandfly - I edited my post to remove the incorrect assumption. 

I dunno all of the above sounds like a pretty normal response to me. If you were a woman or man trapped in a sexless marriage and/or cheated on there are definitely feelings you aren't as attractive as you used to be. It's nice to be proven wrong and remember, "Oh yea, I actually am sexually desirable." It feels good, and there's nothing wrong with that. We are sexual beings and a lot of us have no interest in serious relationships and/or getting married again. Now if you rely SOLELY on the validation of others that is not healthy, but a little dash of it for an ego boost is one of those exciting things that makes life fun IMHO.

NSA sex when done with boundaries and respect can be very healing. And that comes straight from my therapist. A lot of people coming out of divorce need that healthy body positive purely sexual experience. There's no reason you can't make a connection like that with someone on an internet website - although I would suggest A LOT of careful screening before meeting up and of course always using protection. 

And of course she'd like to be doing it with the love of her life - a lot of people would! But if that's not an option it doesn't mean a person still can't have & crave sex. 

I speak from experience - once you've gone through divorce the emotional damage of a casual sexual and/or dating experience ending is quite minimal.


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## angelpixie

Totally agree, BNW. I also do not sense that the OP is only linking her ego to whether she's accepted or rejected for her looks. Having also been cheated on, and also been rejected by a (now former) spouse, and also possessing a 'normal' (i.e., not media-perfect) body, sometimes it _is_ a pleasant surprise to have someone find you attractive. It might be sad, but it happens to many of us, and dare I say it, not just females, either. 

And yes, I'd hazard a bet that most of us who were married thought this person was 'the one' that we'd spend the rest of our lives with. That's why we took the vows. But after our divorces, I'd also bet that most of us no longer believe in the existence of 'the one.' We aren't ready to just roll over and die because our 'one' is now gone. Do we just wait and stay celibate until we meet someone else that we want to marry? What if we never intend to marry again? In some ways, depending on someone's emotional state, I'd think there's less risk of emotional damage in a purely sexual relationship. There are people who want physical intimacy with someone they share a physical attraction with, someone with whom they can be their unabashed sexual self with, someone they know is 'safe,' tested, etc. They don't have to worry about intertwining the other areas of their lives if they don't want to. 

To me, that takes a lot of guts for someone to be honest and admit that's what they want, and to go for it, rather than to sublimate an important part of who they are out of fear, or because of some judgement she/he may receive. 

Let me ask you this, Sandfly -- is it more emotionally healthy for the OP to get an ego boost from someone telling her she's a 'good girl' and denying her sexuality?


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## firebelly1

Sandfly, I think you're coming from a place of concern and I appreciate that. But, what BNW and Angelpixie said. I'm a big girl. I don't rely entirely on someone's opinion of my body for my entire self-image. Being able to have sex with someone without being obligated to them or WORK on the f'ing relationship sounds freeing to me right now. Of course I am screening people. Of course I am using protection. Ironically, I am more aware of my own needs right now than I have been my whole adult life. And I am actually meeting them, which is also new.


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## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> Sandfly, I think you're coming from a place of concern and I appreciate that. But, what BNW and Angelpixie said. I'm a big girl. I don't rely entirely on someone's opinion of my body for my entire self-image. Being able to have sex with someone without being obligated to them or WORK on the f'ing relationship sounds freeing to me right now. Of course I am screening people. Of course I am using protection. Ironically, I am more aware of my own needs right now than I have been my whole adult life. And I am actually meeting them, which is also new.


I want to be able to feel like this. I think it is awesome that you know what you want, instead of playing games or playing coy to get someone. 
I actually want to have your mentality.


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## Oldfaithful

firebelly1 said:


> Sandfly, I think you're coming from a place of concern and I appreciate that. But, what BNW and Angelpixie said. I'm a big girl. I don't rely entirely on someone's opinion of my body for my entire self-image. Being able to have sex with someone without being obligated to them or WORK on the f'ing relationship sounds freeing to me right now. Of course I am screening people. Of course I am using protection. Ironically, I am more aware of my own needs right now than I have been my whole adult life. And I am actually meeting them, which is also new.



I have some experience with those sites and I probably know which you are talking about. Starts with an A? 

The difficult thing about this kind of interaction is that when men just want sex they are attracted to almost anyone. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's true. 
I'm am by no means a looker and i got tons of attention from attractive men. 
The problem is that even if you are really good looking a lot of these guys won't consider dating you or having anything to do with you outside of meeting for sex. They have a very Madonna/***** mind set. 

If that's all you are in it for that's fine but just keep in mind many of them
have higher or different standards for women they would date. 

As for the pictures of other people: I went to a get together where a lot if the swingers were going to be. A lot of people had posted pictures from when they were younger and thinner. 

Also a lot of people post pics that just aren't them at all.


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## ne9907

Would you PM the name of the site?


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## Oldfaithful

I will, but it's been years since I was on there. It used to be they had a basic membership that was free. I have no clue now!


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## lisab0105

Oldfaithful said:


> I have some experience with those sites and I probably know which you are talking about. Starts with an A?
> 
> The difficult thing about this kind of interaction is that when men just want sex they are attracted to almost anyone. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's true.
> I'm am by no means a looker and i got tons of attention from attractive men.
> The problem is that even if you are really good looking a lot of these guys won't consider dating you or having anything to do with you outside of meeting for sex. They have a very Madonna/***** mind set.
> 
> If that's all you are in it for that's fine but just keep in mind many of them
> have higher or different standards for women they would date.
> 
> As for the pictures of other people: I went to a get together where a lot if the swingers were going to be. A lot of people had posted pictures from when they were younger and thinner.
> 
> Also a lot of people post pics that just aren't them at all.


OF is absolutely right...guys on sites like AFF will have only one opinion of any woman they meet on there...good enough to f'ck and that's it. Most times it's a "wham bam thank you ma'am" and no matter how much you want to be all about embracing your sexual power and want to play...at one point or another you are going to walk away from one of your one hit wonders feeling like crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oldfaithful

lisab0105 said:


> OF is absolutely right...guys on sites like AFF will have only one opinion of any woman they meet on there...good enough to f'ck and that's it. Most times it's a "wham bam thank you ma'am" and no matter how much you want to be all about embracing your sexual power and want to play...at one point or another you are going to walk away from one of your one hit wonders feeling like crap.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I never felt like crap but I tended to pick people I wouldn't want to date too. Either too young or just not my type for dating. That way it kept emotions out of it. 
I knew some women who did get hurt by their FWB from there because they wanted more, only to find out he would never date someone he met on the site.
I also saw quite a few serious relationships start.


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## ne9907

Oldfaithful said:


> I will, but it's been years since I was on there. It used to be they had a basic membership that was free. I have no clue now!


Ok so I went to that site. At first, they show you beautiful women (wonder why not men). So I made a profile, I did not use my real name, and looked and looked and looked.....

Did not find anything appealing, even the d!ck pictures were hmmm... and well maybe that lifestyle is not for me.
But check this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I searched for women (I like to look at competition lol) and OMG there was a picture who looked a lot like me!!!
At first I thought "WTF???? Who would post a picture of me????"

I was getting very angry and very embarrassed, thinking that someone would post a picture of me (she is also living where I am, same age etc) and I certainly would not like my face on this site.

I was seriously getting paranoid, until I looked closer. 
I have a very distinctive mole on the left side of my face, right below my mouth. This lady does not have this birthmark....

I was even thinking that maybe my ex had done it, just to fvck with me....

I am very paranoid, I randomly google my own name etc, to make sure nobody steals my identity....

that was a scare.... I believe in signs from the universe. By thinking that someone had posted a picture of me on this site, I realized that nope... I cant do casual ONS sex.... I just cannot...

More power for those of you who can.


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## Oldfaithful

I had a guy I ended up being friends with benefits with. He was the one who started talking about a relationship and I just wasn't interested in that. It's not all ONS.


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## Hardtohandle

Okay here is my PSA on this..

As a father I would not want to put anything out on the internet that my kids might find. I'm a firm believer don't put anything out there your kids will not be proud of or the opposite of would I be happy to see my son did this..

But here is the big one.. 

Any picture or video you do with consent removes any and all control from distribution. 

So I can take that naked pic of yours and put it anywhere I want. Your facebook page.. A website dedicated to you. ETC.

Lets take this further.. You hook up with a person who wants and convinces you to take more pictures with them or videos..

All is cool and your both together for 8 months.. 

Then you break up.. 

Well I don't need to tell you any and all pictures / videos you took together are owned by the both of you equally.. 

In my line of work I cannot tell you how many women call up upset and mortified that their pictures and videos with an old boyfriend end up on a porn website like porntube and the like..

In today's society much hasn't changed when it comes to men and women having sex.. As much as we want to believe and pretend.. A man still having multiple sex partners is a stud and a woman is a wh0re or a slvt.. Granted just the fact of admitting it does not make you either.. 

But having one man post up 12 videos of him with 12 different woman will not make him a wh0re or a slvt.. But those women will be looked at as such even if it was the only video they ever did..

Even if was your only and first video can you imagine trying to explain this to a family member or a child ?

I've also encountered sex video hostage.. Again boyfriend and girlfriend take pictures and videos together.. They break up.. Girl deletes / destroys all evidence.. Boy keeps everything... They have zero contact for 2, 3, or even 4 years.. Then suddenly they meet or see each other.. Boy now decides to hook up again.. No luck.. Girl is getting married.. 

Well...... 

You know we had a good time together and we should hook up and fvck some before you get married.. I still have those videos and pictures.. Come on for old time sake.. You don't want the future hubby to see this stuff accidentally.. 

What happens next is more pictures and videos.. Sometimes consensual and sometimes without consent.. 

Regardless the mess it causes is horrendous. 

I wish I was making this stuff up.. Having investigated this stuff first hand. It never ceases to amaze me at the number of calls my office gets regarding these types of issues. I can safely say we get maybe 20 calls a year regarding consensual pictures and videos taken that now end up on anonb or porntube and the like..

So just be careful..


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## firebelly1

Yeah - I'm aware of all those things which is why I never post pictures with my face. Nor would I allow my encounters to be recorded, although I realize with people you don't know that there is always that risk. But I am screening and I don't intend to be out there with multiple people. I don't have that kind of time. If I end up with a FWB situation, that would be nice. I still wouldn't let him record.


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## PBear

I've posted my story before, but my SO and I met on AFF. That was more than 3 years ago. She had some very sensual pictures up, she was in my area and close in age, and I liked what she said in her profile. So I replied with something dorky like "Great pics!" Apparently she found nothing objectionable with my profile either, we started communicating and sharing even more pics and talk... Met up, found chemistry in person. Several month later, decided that we were in love...

If I had to do it again, I'd start back there. I get along well with most people, so finding an emotional connection isn't a problem. But by god, I won't go back to a relationship with a sexual dud.

Just my $0.02...

To FB, I never thought of my SO as a "cum dumpster" as someone put so eloquently. The same guys who think that way when they see nude pictures online are probably going to think that way when they see a woman with clothes on. Leopards don't change their spots that easily. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## firebelly1

Thanks PBear. There is kind of an interesting polarization of opinions here and not necessarily about women's sexuality but about men's ability to see women as more than just sexual objects. I mean, yes, the people on AFF are primarily on there for sex, but it seems that a lot of the men on these types of sites post profiles and approach the whole thing with the understanding that there has to be SOME level of emotional comfort and communication even to just have an NSA situation.


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## PBear

You're welcome. And as an FYI... My SO wasn't on that site looking for a deep emotional relationship either. She was looking for a hard d1ck (and nimble tongue) that could fulfill her sexually. She was the one that told me that she was still planning on seeing other guys, so if I wasn't ok with that, it was best to know up front. Of course, one night with me, and I've had her singing a different tune... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## firebelly1

PBear said:


> You're welcome. And as an FYI... My SO wasn't on that site looking for a deep emotional relationship either. She was looking for a hard d1ck (and nimble tongue) that could fulfill her sexually. She was the one that told me that she was still planning on seeing other guys, so if I wasn't ok with that, it was best to know up front. Of course, one night with me, and I've had her singing a different tune...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, yes. Folks seem to be losing sight of this. The women on these sites aren't looking for ltr's. They are looking for exactly the things you mention. Cuz those things are good.


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## PBear

firebelly1 said:


> Well, yes. Folks seem to be losing sight of this. The women on these sites aren't looking for ltr's. They are looking for exactly the things you mention. Cuz those things are good.


But didn't you get the memo from society? If women are looking for that, they're evil slvts. But for guys, they're just doing what guys do...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oldfaithful

PBear said:


> I've posted my story before, but my SO and I met on AFF. That was more than 3 years ago. She had some very sensual pictures up, she was in my area and close in age, and I liked what she said in her profile. So I replied with something dorky like "Great pics!" Apparently she found nothing objectionable with my profile either, we started communicating and sharing even more pics and talk... Met up, found chemistry in person. Several month later, decided that we were in love...
> 
> 
> 
> If I had to do it again, I'd start back there. I get along well with most people, so finding an emotional connection isn't a problem. But by god, I won't go back to a relationship with a sexual dud.
> 
> 
> 
> Just my $0.02...
> 
> 
> 
> To FB, I never thought of my SO as a "cum dumpster" as someone put so eloquently. The same guys who think that way when they see nude pictures online are probably going to think that way when they see a woman with clothes on. Leopards don't change their spots that easily.
> 
> 
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Interesting! I think a lot of men are literally scared of women who are sexually aware and know what they want. But then they end up with a woman who doesn't meet their sexual needs and they wonder why. 
I was actually completely surprised because I had a few instances where I talked to men and we had a lot in common, we had great conversations and rapport on chat. 
We both felt a connection and supposedly wanted to meet but when the rubber hit the road they would just disappear. It could be they were married and just wanted an online person to talk to and think about but I think some of them were scared. 

I would not talk to married men either. At least the ones who admitted to it. Or the ones with girl friends. I got a lot of "but my wife doesn't have sex with me so she wouldn't care" but I wasn't buying it. 
Pbear are the two of you still on the site?


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## PBear

Yes, we have a couples profile. 

I wouldn't be involved with a woman who wasn't sexually aware, or at least wasn't seriously interested in becoming sexually aware. My STBX would have been about as sexually unaware as you could be. Again, not going back there. . I've got enough friends already, but I guess if I wasn't in a relationship, maybe they could fill that niche. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aston

firebelly1 said:


> And, they aren't really "dating" sites. They are sites where people are looking primarily for sex.


Full disclosure: I used to work for a holding company that owned "web properties" including some mainstream dating sites and a few "alternative" ones.
You would be surprised to learn that the users are all the same. The same vanilla folks you'll see on the "clean" mainstream dating sites with their families, pets, smiling faces on a summer day by the beach are the same folks on the "alternative" sites but this time it's what they do behind closed doors within a certain context.
How did we know this? ip addresses, emails, and the ones who paid. It wasn't rare to find the same user who paid for 5 different sites on the same card, only difference being two are "regular" dating sites and the other three are alternative (*orn, fetish and some other adult type site).

I guess everyone has to get their freak on lol:lol:


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## Oldfaithful

PBear said:


> Yes, we have a couples profile.
> 
> 
> 
> I wouldn't be involved with a woman who wasn't sexually aware, or at least wasn't seriously interested in becoming sexually aware. My STBX would have been about as sexually unaware as you could be. Again, not going back there. . I've got enough friends already, but I guess if I wasn't in a relationship, maybe they could fill that niche.
> 
> 
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Did you frequent the blogs? 
I had to laugh when I first realized that women were fighting for the attention of good looking male bloggers who were good interesting writers. Some of the tactics used to keep other women away were hilarious.


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## Morgiana

Oldfaithful said:


> Did you frequent the blogs?
> I had to laugh when I first realized that women were fighting for the attention of good looking male bloggers who were good interesting writers. Some of the tactics used to keep other women away were hilarious.


I've found that some women I've seen are kinda crazy about how they fluff their feathers and attitude to keep other women away from talking with new males that they have their sights set on . Funny meetup dinner had me just trying to talk to the guy on my right at the end of the table, and lady across from me because super aggressive hostile with me over keeping his attention. Made me laugh but then I just started talking to other people at the table.


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## PBear

Oldfaithful said:


> Did you frequent the blogs?
> I had to laugh when I first realized that women were fighting for the attention of good looking male bloggers who were good interesting writers. Some of the tactics used to keep other women away were hilarious.


No, I can't say I've ever read any of the blogs. Seems strange that it's the women behaving like that, given the gender ratios...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aston

Morgiana said:


> I've found that some women I've seen are kinda crazy about how they fluff their feathers and attitude to keep other women away from talking with new males that they have their sights set on . Funny meetup dinner had me just trying to talk to the guy on my right at the end of the table, and lady across from me because super aggressive hostile with me over keeping his attention. Made me laugh but then I just started talking to other people at the table.


I have seen this happen as well. I was at a meetup and I have to say to a good degree that it feels nice to see women get sarcastic with each other over getting / sustaining ones attention. Then again that's just the "scene". I did the AFF / SLS thing and geez......that's all I'm gonna say.


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## Oldfaithful

PBear said:


> No, I can't say I've ever read any of the blogs. Seems strange that it's the women behaving like that, given the gender ratios...
> 
> 
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Ratios? Here are the ratios last time I was there: 
Men who are living with their parents 20% 
Men who think sending a picture of their manhood means a woman should instantly drive to his house for sex: 40%
Men who don't have jobs 20% 
Men who can't complete a sentence 10% 
Men who don't need the site but like it and are good looking, educated and nice to women 10% 

That's the reality. A lot of women are on there strictly for attention and fantasy. They just want to know that they are the "favorite" of their favorite and will post things which make it seem like they have a secret relationship or that they know him in person when they don't.


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