# Masturbation



## George2014 (Oct 28, 2017)

Hi all I’m George (36) wife is 30.
I love masturbating in front of my wife. She is kinda ok with it but sometimes makes me feel a bit dirty for wanting to do it. This isn’t all the time by the way maybe once or twice a week. Haven’t been really had sex since the birth of my daughter 9 months ago as she has seemed to gone off it. She doesn’t masturbate and I’m 99% sure she doesn’t when I’m not there. She lets me do my businessthen sometimes wants me to go down on her and that’s it. My question is how can I try to make her start to enjoy masterbation and also is it weird that I want to do it in front of her?! Thanks


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Time to have the talk with her 9 MONTHS AFTER HAVING A BABY IS WAY TO LONG NOT TO BE HAVING SEX.

Unless there some sort of serious complication .

Why isn't she giving you oral or hand jobs if she can't have sex?

Yea shes busy with a new baby but you have to get your relationship on track. Get a baby sitter and start taking her out reconnect. Don't ask her just do it. Find a good baby sitter plan a date and suprise her and don't take no for an answer.

If she refuses then go out by yourself that night and stay out late . If it cause an atgument then just be candid and tell her your not staying in a sexless marriage that you tried to rekindle things and she just didn't care. 

Tell her she needs to wake up and put effort into the relationship or your out of there. 


But you got to have the balls to leave if things don't change.

If not don't worry she will cheat on you after she used up everything she can from you and lost all respect for you because you did't put your foot down now.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

George2014 said:


> My question is how can I try to make her start to enjoy masterbation.


Find her on board diagnostic port and connect your programming cable into it. After displaying her model number, the menu option will appear. Select "program" and scroll down to "enjoys masturbation". Press enter. DO NOT unplug or disturb the cable until programming is complete.


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## George2014 (Oct 28, 2017)

😂😂😂 thanks morn that seems a good plan. Nope no blowjobs or handjobs. Doesn’t like blowjobs. Will try to rekindle thinks I think. And I’ve tried the re programme. Unfortunately kept getting an error message!


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

OP, is your wife breastfeeding? I did for all 3 of mine until they were close to a year old and I had practically zero interest in sex during those years. Natures way of ensuring a woman doesn't get pregnant when her body is producing milk. Even without breastfeeding it can be hard for a new mother to turn her thoughts toward sex during that very overwhelming first year and depression is not an uncommon occurrence. Talk to her about it honestly. Ask her about her desire level and then strategize with her on ways you can reconnect sexually. Be kind and thoughtful, tell her you still want her the same and that it's important for the two of you to spend couple time together. I wouldn't even pressure her for sex on the first few date nights. Good luck to you both.


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## bfpierce4077th (Jul 22, 2016)

I can tell you that we conceived our son last December, and haven't had any level of sex since then. My son is now 2 months old, and I can plainly see no indications of sex anywhere on the horizon. I actually have my wife's verbal, plain English, no uncertain terms permission to masturbate as needed until she is ready fox sex again, and she doesn't know when that will be.

I have no problem masturbating. It got me through high school and my early 20s. But I would really like to return to actual sex at some point in the near future. Even having her preform the hand job would be step up from having to pleasure myself when I reach my breaking point. 

Although I will say, when her heart is in it, she gives a hand job that leaves my penis falling over limp right after I cum.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Wait, the baby is 2 months? You wrote 9 months in your original post.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

blahfridge said:


> Wait, the baby is 2 months? You wrote 9 months in your original post.


Different posters.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

George2014 said:


> Hi all I’m George (36) wife is 30.
> I love masturbating in front of my wife. She is kinda ok with it but sometimes makes me feel a bit dirty for wanting to do it. This isn’t all the time by the way maybe once or twice a week. Haven’t been really had sex since the birth of my daughter 9 months ago as she has seemed to gone off it. She doesn’t masturbate and I’m 99% sure she doesn’t when I’m not there. She lets me do my businessthen sometimes wants me to go down on her and that’s it. My question is how can I try to make her start to enjoy masterbation and also is it weird that I want to do it in front of her?! Thanks


Gottmans have a course for new parents taught at some hospitals. It is about reconnecting the parents emotionally and sexually. You might want to see if any of the local hospitals have it or any marriage counselors do it.






Tell your wife that you need sex and its post orgasm emotion bonding with her. Tell her that after you orgasm, you would like her to hold you in her arms for a moment and tell you that she loves you and desires you as her husband. 

Good luck.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Time to have the talk with her 9 MONTHS AFTER HAVING A BABY IS WAY TO LONG NOT TO BE HAVING SEX.
> 
> Unless there some sort of serious complication .
> 
> ...


Wait....so you are proposing he tell his wife with a 9 month old the following:

1. you know she is busy with a baby, but I need to get this relationship back on track (meaning he needs to have sex)
2. she needs to wake up
3. she needs to put effort into the relationship or he is leaving her

And your advice is that if he does not do this "put his foot down" that she will lose respect for him and cheat on him.

:surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise:

How about he tells her he knows she is busy with the baby. He asks her how she feels she has changed since the baby. Ask how her feelings toward him have changed. Ask if he is living up to her expectations as a father and partner. Asks how he can help her adjust. Tell her he wants to take her on a date. Tell her they will pick a sitter together if there is not one in the family. Tell her they will make it short if that's what she needs. Tell her he feels they have grown distant. Tell her he looks forward to carving out time to be with her. Tell her he wants to make their relationship a priority. Clean up after himself. Put the baby to bed so she can take a warm bath. Surprise her with flowers. Tell her what he likes about the changes in her body. Tell her what he likes about her mothering. Be a good father. NO woman can resist a man who is good to her children and NO woman wants to have sex with a man who is not.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Over 20 years ago my wife and I stopped having intercourse for medical and preference problems. That is fine as my wife only gets orgasms from clitorial stimulation and is so petite that intercourse hurts her, especially since she had many operations on her ovaries and cervix. We did lots of oral, but after my wife and our girlfriend went through menopause, they switched to vibrators. No one can produce an oragsm like a vibrator.

Most of my sex was masturbating in front of the girls while they pinched my nipples, choked me or did other S&M type things to me. They also mostly masturbated in front of each other. You get to a point in your life where you know how you can get your best orgasms. Look at porn videos and you will often see a vibrator on the bed or a girl using her fingers to play with their clitoris. Fact is that most women do not get their orgasm from intercourse itself but rather by any pressure put on their clitoris through the action of intercourse. Learn that and you will have women begging for more.

So not my wife, our girlfriend or I had problems masturbating in front of each other. In fact we all liked it. Due to our current chastity fetish, 90% of my wife' orgasms are by her vibrator, top of the line rechargeable, while I kiss and fondle her. Today it will be different since yesterday was our 45th anniversary and I will be allowed to perform oral on her. She still may choose to get a second orgasm with her vibe though.

I am going to guess that as a kid, you never engaged in a circle jerk. As teens we would have contests as to which guy could cum the fastest with or without help from their girlfriends, during parties. I did not think people still get embarrassed by masturbating in front of someone. Watching someone masturbate is a very good way to learn how best to give them an orgasm. Do they penetrate themselves with the vibrator/dildo or just put it on their clitoris? How fast do they move it, how hard, where do they focus on and do they have a pattern of building up slowly or as my wife does, start out at full speed ahead.

Perhaps those of us who have no issues with sex in groups and fetish sex find mastrubation very low on the list of things to be embarrassed about. Try losing a bet to your wife and her girlfriend and then having to serve them while wearing girls clothes and makeup while trying to walk in ill fitting high heels. That is embarrassing.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Vinnydee said:


> ...Most of my sex was masturbating in front of the girls while they pinched my nipples, choked me or did other S&M type things to me. They also mostly masturbated in front of each other. *You get to a point in your life where you know how you can get your best orgasms.*
> 
> ......Watching someone masturbate is a very good way to learn how best to give them an orgasm. Do you penetrate themselves with the vibrator/dildo or just put it on their clitoris? How fast to they move it, how hard, where do they focus on and do they have a pattern of building up slowly or as my wife does, start out at full speed ahead..
> 
> Perhaps those of us who have no issues with sex in groups and fetish sex find mastrubation very low on the list of things to be embarrassed about. Try losing a be to your wife and her girlfriend and then having to server them while wearing girls clothes and makeup while trying to walk in ill fitting high heels. That is embarrassing.


First, Happy 45th Anniversary! Long term marriages are a special commitment. Whatever agreements you have worked out with you and your wife, they are working and providing you both with what you need.

Second, I love reading your posts and advice as they are an interesting perspective. Not sure it is a perspective I would ever try to live, but interesting and potentially helpful to others.

I agree with you that sexual beings masturbate. However, some people were raised to be horribly embarrassed about masturbation. As you say, watching someone masturbate can teach you a lot about what they know that sexually brings them to orgasm.

For example, my wife, who spent grade school through high school being a day student at a Catholic convent (at least she didn't live there) was taught from an early age that masturbation was a huge sin. If she did it, she would need to confess she had sinned and masturbated to a middle aged male priest in confession, and then listen to him tell her how evil it was and pray with him for her salvation. 

While in sex therapy to try to save our marriage, the sex therapist asked my wife if she masturbated as we were not having sex and my wife never wanted to have sex with me again. My wife told the ST that she had never masturbated (I believe it) and if she had such urges, she had a husband she could have to take care of such things (boy did that make me feel loved---Not). That is when I learned about why she never masturbated ..... not the fear of being found out by her parents, but because of the fear have having to tell a male priest what she did and then pray with him for forgiveness.

Before we were married, she had told me that the nuns had told her that anything a woman did with her husband in the sacrament of marriage was OK. After marriage when I wanted to explore anything beyond missionary and cow girl sexual PIV positions, my wife told me that the nuns had no idea how perverted men could be.

The point of this digression is that while a normal human being who is a sexual being should not be embarrassed about masturbating in front of their spouse (or lover), some people where trained/conditioned/raised with really repressed ideas about masturbation. The OP's wife, might be one of those kinds of folks.

My wife will "tolerate" my masturbation in front of her and hold me. (I do have to wonder if she prays for my soul though ) It makes her somewhat uncomfortable, but she knows that sex is really important to me. As I have explained at those times (in the past) when she didn't want sex, that I was a sexual being, she was my wife and I was neither ashamed of my sexuality nor felt I should hide my sexuality from my spouse. After all if you have to hide part of your sexuality from your spouse, what else besides masturbation, might you be hiding from them.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

* Nicky
NO woman can resist a man who is good to her children....*

Yes most do appreciate a H that good to the baby but some are just not interested in much besides the baby and sexual desires go out the door for her.

Some W can't wait to restart sex after having a baby. Some W love sex while pregnant. Some W feel rejected if the H won't have sex with her when she is PG. Some men do want to hurt the baby, or feel weird, while she is PG, so sex goes down hill and the W thinks she isn't valued. There are lots of other dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> Find her on board diagnostic port and connect your programming cable into it. After displaying her model number, the menu option will appear. Select "program" and scroll down to "enjoys masturbation". Press enter. DO NOT unplug or disturb the cable until programming is complete.


Ho, ho!

Vampires can learn new tricks.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Stop this junk jerking.

She needs to step up and get prone.
Prone, pronto...Senor Tonto.

It is not her duty.
It is not her job.

It is her avowed common-sensed responsibility to her husband.

What you are doing, in her mind, is debasing yourself.
It is setting a pattern, a precedence.

You are sheepishly acquiescing to her unwifely behavior.
Telling her....and her telling you, that you are not good enough for her to sexually satisfy you.
You are good enough to get her preggo...and to lick her silly. But nothing more.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

I honestly don't know how men put up with this. Deal breaker for me. But I made that clear before we got married and she understands my needs and will step up to the plate to take care of them. Why would anyone get married to someone who isn't going meet all of their most basic needs? 

As for the hand job, I say skip it. What could possibly make a woman think she could do that better than me? I've been doing it every day for over 20 years! 

I would just sit her down and have a talk. I would certainly be compassionate to her issue, but I would do it in a way where the frustration on your part can't possibly be overlooked by her. She needs to understand that as a wife, she isn't meeting her husband's needs at all. You can convey that message without being heartless and a jerk about it. But the way I see it, you are allowing her to be a jerk and heartless to your own needs. 

I like the idea above with the video. Research a topic and have a game plan in place. Then sit her down, get it off your chest, be understanding of her issues here, and have a plan of action ready to suggest in order to fix the issue. Complaining and having no plan to fix the issue never really helps anyone.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Stop jerking and start having sex with your wife. Go down on her only if she goes down on you, too. 
It?s been 9 months since the baby was born, that?s 7.5 months of her body being healed.


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