# Should I? Or Shouldn't I.



## MarriedToMyOpposite (Dec 19, 2012)

I don't have anyone to talk to about this and it's killing me. 

Let me start from the beginning. My wife was a cam girl when I met her. She would do live sex shows on her computer. I saw her and got a show. During that show, she expressed interest in me and after telling her where I was from, she confessed that she was not far from me and wanted to meet me. After that show, we exchanged phone numbers and spoke on the phone for a while. Then we met and hit it off. Despite us being very different, we felt a connection. That was 4 years ago. We've now been married for 2 years. It hasn't been smooth though. She doesn't cam anymore but occasionally makes money talking to "old regulars". Even though I'm not a fan of it, I allow it (I'm enabling, I know). I feel as though she's addicted to sex. She needs it all the time. Whether it be from me or the virtual version she gets from her regulars. I know she masturbates a lot and rarely turns me away if I happen to be in the mood. In addition to that, shes into more than just your garden variety sexual activities. She's really into BDSM while I am not. I believe she satisfies those craving with her regulars as well.

With all those problems aside, the reason why I'm writing this is because I came across something that I shouldn't have seen. She usually talks to these guys on Viber, a messaging app on her phone. She talks to them throughout the day; at work, at home while watching TV with me or even in bed before we go to sleep. We recently bought her a new laptop because her old one was old. A MacBook Air that she purchased with money she had received from these guys. We both use the laptop but I use it sparingly. The Viber app is also installed on the laptop. One evening while she was out, I opened the laptop to set my fantasy football lineup (you don't have to say it) when I noticed that the app was open and a new message popped up. Everything in me told me not to look, that I'm invading her space but I did anyway and I wish I hadn't. 

A few more facts before I get to the point. She works as a social worker helping emotionally and physically abused children. She's a very caring person and the rest of personality lends itself to be able to do that kind of work. Once every three blue moons, she goes out of town to visit clients (one of the kids) that might have been placed in a home farther away than normal. She usually goes on these trips with a co-worker. She just recently returned from a trip to Ohio. It seemed like a easy trip. She told me stories and showed me pictures of her and her co-worker, whom I know. Two weeks ago, she told me that she would need to take another trip soon. This time to NY. A one day trip. I thought it was weird that the agency would keep cases that were so far away. At dinner one night, her co-worker confirmed that it doesn't happen often but it does happen.

In the messages app on her laptop, I found a long conversation with one of her regulars. From the conversation, the regular is also married. They use initials for the names of other people instead of their whole names. The engage in long sexual conversations that include exchanging nude photos and videos and watching online porn together. They also speak like long-time friends and confide in each other. Even talking about the problems their having with their significant others. And now the reason for this long post (as if you haven't figured it out already). They planned out a way for her to meet him in NY. Going so far as to use her job and her co-worker/friend to make me believe that she's going there for work. Part of me feels as though she's doing this not specifically to cheat on me because she's not getting what she wants at home but because she's doing it for money (not that it makes it any better). 

So I'm faced with how I should deal with this. Should I confront her before she's supposed to leave? Or should I let her go and confront her when she returns. The reason for that is to see if she'll actually go through with it. See if she can truly look me in the eye and bold-faced lie to me. Then, when I confront her, do I tell her that I had been secretly looking at her conversation or find a way to catch her in a lie without disclosing that?

I know this a lot and I know that there are more problems than you can shake a stick at other than the dilemma I'm dealing with but I decided to do this mainly because I needed to get it off my chest. I needed to tell someone before I made a decision. I found all this out this past Monday and she leaves for NY this coming Thursday. This sucks and I don't know what to do.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

MarriedToMyOpposite said:


> This sucks and I don't know what to do.


I think you should NOT MARRY CAM GIRLS!

Given such demonstrably poor judgment on your part, you should probably not even have relationships at all until you get lots of therapy and get a really good handle on the things that are wrong with yourself in the first place.

But that's a lot of hard work and takes discipline.

Going to the Dr's office to get a shot of antibiotics is a lot easier.

That's the route you should probably prepare for.


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## MarriedToMyOpposite (Dec 19, 2012)

While I can't disagree with your comment, it doesn't help me with my current situation.


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## Coco2014 (May 8, 2014)

I'm not trying to be mean. But you married a CAM girl. What do you expect? Don't tell me you expect her to be a loyal wife. You asked for this problem, so now you got this problem. I suspect your penis made the decision to marry her.


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## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

MarriedToMyOpposite said:


> I don't have anyone to talk to about this and it's killing me.
> 
> Let me start from the beginning. My wife was a cam girl when I met her. She would do live sex shows on her computer. I saw her and got a show. During that show, she expressed interest in me and after telling her where I was from, she confessed that she was not far from me and wanted to meet me. After that show, we exchanged phone numbers and spoke on the phone for a while. Then we met and hit it off. Despite us being very different, we felt a connection. That was 4 years ago. We've now been married for 2 years. It hasn't been smooth though. She doesn't cam anymore but occasionally makes money talking to "old regulars". Even though I'm not a fan of it, I allow it (I'm enabling, I know). I feel as though she's addicted to sex. She needs it all the time. Whether it be from me or the virtual version she gets from her regulars. I know she masturbates a lot and rarely turns me away if I happen to be in the mood. In addition to that, shes into more than just your garden variety sexual activities. She's really into BDSM while I am not. I believe she satisfies those craving with her regulars as well.
> 
> ...


What do you mean doing it for the money is he going to pay her?


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

I think you should go back and read all her past messages to see if she's done this before. The coworker....male or female? Does he/she knows about your wife double life?

PS. She's already lying to you, find out how much before you confront!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedToMyOpposite (Dec 19, 2012)

You may be right, Coco. While your comment was not inherently mean, it doesn't help me come up with a solution. People are not perfect and sometimes don't make the right choices. But rather than tell me something I already know, help me figure out how to handle this particular problem. Not my life as a whole. That will come in time I assure you.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Cheating is cheating, whether you're "paid" or not.

I suspect she is doing it more for the sexual thrill.

No way would I let her go on this trip, CHEAT on you, and then confront her! If you want to save your marriage, stop her now!! (OTOH, if you merely want to "catch" her, let her go.) Given the proof you have, if she denies it, you'll also know that she's a liar. Then you will have a very difficult decision to make about your marriage.

Sorry you're here.


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## MarriedToMyOpposite (Dec 19, 2012)

Tobyboy said:


> PS. She's already lying to you, find out how much before you confront!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The co-worker is female. Per the conversation, she does know about the mystery man but I don't believe she knows about everything (what they talk about, what they plan on doing, etc.)


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## MarriedToMyOpposite (Dec 19, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> No way would I let her go, CHEAT, then confront! Stop her now!! Given the proof you have, if she denies it, you'll also know that she's a liar. Then you will have a very difficult decision to make about your marriage.
> 
> Sorry you're here.


Thanks happy as a clam. i think thats the only way. after that, a lot of therapy and healing.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

You're in a really bad spot in a situation like this where one partner in the relationship works in a how should I say this sexually liberated profession such as caming you bear some responsibility for this because you knew what she was doing before you marred her but this is all beside the point what you're asking for is advice on how to handle situation my advice confront her now not later don't play games this is your relationship make it clear what's acceptable and what's not acceptable in this relationship but be forewarned she will throw the fact that she is still caming in your face I can already hear her say "it dint bother you before why is bothering you now" so you better have your explanation figure it out because she will throw the nature of your relationship back in your face..





Your relationship is on shaky ground if you want anything resembling some form of stability she's going to have to stop being a camgirl your wife works in a profession where she deals with a lot of men who are willing to pay a lot of money at some point there going to want more than just cam show if you don't restructure the nature of this relationship then this will happen again and again.



Good luck buddy because you're gonna need it


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sweetheart, you married a wh0re and now you're surprised she's acting like a wh0re? The only advice I can give is to lay down some boundaries and stick to them, but I wouldn't hold my breath because she's being who she's always been.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

I'm just curious but what are your ages hers and yours respectfully ??


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

???????


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

You married her knowing what she did. After marriage you allowed her to continue her work.

Technically, you were asking for this to happen.

She has already lied to you. You know that. So, confront her.


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## Coco2014 (May 8, 2014)

MarriedToMyOpposite said:


> You may be right, Coco. While your comment was not inherently mean, it doesn't help me come up with a solution. People are not perfect and sometimes don't make the right choices. But rather than tell me something I already know, help me figure out how to handle this particular problem. Not my life as a whole. That will come in time I assure you.


She has been doing what she has always been doing. She doesn't change. You have changed. You enable her continuing her dealing with men and now you suddenly don't feel comfortable anymore?

My suggestion will be that don't have kids with her. If you really want a committed marriage relationship, you need to find someone else. She is just not the material for monogamy. I suspect you will be struggling with this relationship for several years and dealing with the same old issue again and again.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

MarriedToMyOpposite said:


> While I can't disagree with your comment, it doesn't help me with my current situation.


Sure it does, little fella!

As someone else astutely pointed out, you married a woman who has sex for money with strangers. This is the basis of your problem, here.

So, having suddenly realized that the woman you married has sex with strangers for money, you have a problem. Why, I'm not sure, but, for whatever reason, you've decided that you have one.

So, really simply, you have a choice.

You can divorce her, or stay with her.

If you divorce her, see my recommendations on getting therapy and working on becoming a smarter picker-of-life-partners.

If you stay with her, I predict a 100.5% chance that she will have sex with other men. For money. I further predict with 100% confidence that she will not use physical protection when having sex, and that someone she has sex with will give her one or more sexually transmitted diseases.

Which she will in turn pass on to you, because, say it with me, you married a woman who has sex with strangers for money!

So when all of this comes to pass, see my recommendations on going to the Dr and getting a shot of antibiotics. Because hopefully your wife will only give you diseases that can be cured with antibiotics, although I assign this only a 5% chance of being likely.

All sarcasm and BS aside, MarriedToMyOpposite, the cold, hard truth is that your wife is a catastrophically damaged and unhealthy human being. 

And guess what? Just by marrying her, you have, with your actions and words, demonstrated that you're not really her opposite. You're catastrophically damaged, too.

I very much doubt that you'll be able to change her over time into a healthy human being. The dilemma is that you have to be healthy, balanced, and grounded in order to help her get stable and healthy. And you'll never get there yourself, as long as you stayed married to her.

So. you made a real bad choice and you know it. What are YOU going to do about it? It's YOUR decision to make.....


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

I Love Weekends!!!!!!


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

That she is a social worker helping abused kids is rather disturbing to me, as you say she is addicted to sex and is also a sex worker... she is no marriage material, no social worker material either...


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I'm not sure I even understand what the confrontation would be about, because it's not clear what agreement/arrangement and boundary set you've agreed to in your marriage. It sounds more like gray area/turn the other cheek than real boundary rules you two have established?

She currently makes some "side money" talking to old regulars on videocam. Now, she is going to remove the videocam from the middle, but still get paid. So your confrontation would only really be about lying to you? Has she lied to you? Because I'd expect she can reasonably state that you know what she does, and she's doing just a tad more than you thought you understand. The only questions are if she'd lie about it, and if she intended to have sex with him when they met live (which of course she does). And if she doesn't lie about and says "Yes, I'm meeting Mr. Smith in NY, but we're not having sex", what leg do you have to stand on, based on your marital agreement already in place?

Assuming these boundaries exist and were agreed to, and assuming you still want to be with her, it's time to get more specific and direct on rules to her side activity... before she goes. Rules that you can live with -- or she doesn't go. (And if she does go anyway, then you go. Far away.)

And then as you do set agreement, monitor very heavily. In this case, I'd send a PI to tail her.

And P.S., how and why does a sex worker counsel abused kids?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

2xloser said:


> IAnd P.S., how and why does a sex worker counsel abused kids?


:scratchhead:

I am completely confused on this as well. If her bosses knew her "side business" I'm sure she'd be booted from social work in a heartbeat.

What a tragic story... especially for the kids she is "counseling."

P.S. How does a "cam girl" hide this from her superiors at work... with videos, sex chats, etc. (that stuff can live on forever on the internet) it seems only a matter of time before someone exposes her to the boss.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

You guys beat me to it.

How does a hooker moonlight as a social worker counseling abused children ? Or is it the other way around? Please let us know what community she works for so we can work to have her removed ASAP. That's the real problem here.

As for your relationship. She met you, dated, screwed, married. Now there is another guy she is meeting. A pattern. I wager dollars to donuts you weren't number one.

Since you are under the impression you married the only cellebate prostitute, confront her before she goes on the trips. Once she cheats she cannot uncheat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Why would anyone think this is her first time cheating? 

What kind of man allows their wife to sell herself anyway? By not saying no more you showed how little you love her, OP. she was never yours.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

Dude.....I would say this was NEVER going to work. You met her as a acting **** and you were looking for one. Probably should have seen it coming. You had nothing of value to build on from the beginning other than she show'd you her goodies. Not a good foundation. And a job like that she should be investigated and fired.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

A social worker/cam girl....This thread should be moved to "The world is toast". What the heck kind of advice can one offer in this situation?

Well here goes. First off, I will have to make a few assumptions based on what I know.

Assumption #1: You and your wife believe in vows and promises as evidenced by the fact that you married.

Assumption #2: There was some feeling of "love" (a difficult word to fully conceptualize I know) which caused the two of you to decide to spend the rest of you lives together.

Assumption #3: You both expect exclusivity from the marriage or why else why take vows to that effect.

Assumption #4: Neither of you have a clue about how to have a healthy, secure monogamous relationship.

Okay, based on the above assumptions, the first step is to cease *ANY and ALL* sexual activity outside of the marriage including, but not limited to, sex, caming, sexting, phone sex, clandestine meetings, stripping and porn with anyone but your spouse.

Next, educate yourself on the TRUE aspects of committed monogamous relationships with books, audio sessions (many on here can recommend good material), asking on TAM, counseling and be diligent. If and after both of you have an understanding of what being in a real marriage is all about, then you must sit down, analyze and discuss whether each of you are able to commit to such a life. If so, then set about making it happen with your newly found information.

As to you personally OP, you need to have an injection of testosterone. You allow your "wife" to be in contact with men that she has stripped for, possibly more, while they...????? You need to seriously reevaluate what your position is in regards to women in general or you will be destined to stay in these types of situations regardless of what happens to your current marriage. 

As a note, the fact that your wife is "counseling" children is very disturbing given her "choices" in life. I would posit that her lifestyle is poorly suited to someone tasked with such responsibility. Good luck.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

well its been two days since we herd for the OP I guess will here from him when school out this weekend.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Looks like you just might learn a hard lesson about LTR candidates. Who makes a good one and who does not.

This is natures way of telling you what will happen if you marry a wh0re again.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

catfan said:


> That she is a social worker helping abused kids is rather disturbing to me, as you say she is addicted to sex and is also a sex worker... she is no marriage material, no social worker material either...


I kinda don't think you really don't have to worry.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Who knows if this is real or a fantasy thread...

In general though, I have zero idea why any self respecting man or woman would willingly enter into a long term relationship with or even marry anyone who is/was known to be a prostitute, cam girl, stripper, porn star or any other type of person who was/is paid to provide some type of sexual experience. 

OP, if this is real, you should just divorce this woman and find someone else.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Who knows if this is real or a fantasy thread...
> 
> In general though, I have zero idea why any self respecting man or woman would willingly enter into a long term relationship with or even marry anyone who is/was known to be a prostitute, cam girl, stripper, porn star or any other type of person who was/is paid to provide some type of sexual experience.
> 
> OP, if this is real, you should just divorce this woman and find someone else.


Does becoming a sex worker after you get married count?

Any way....
I would confront her and bend her over my knee,,,,but that's just me....and from the sound of things it mat not be a punishment!

So leaving judgement a side and sticking to point, her deceit is not a mistake but a choice and she has no respect for this marriage.

One more thing, her coworker is toxic to this marriage.


Sorry bud but having been were your are....you have no boundries for this marriage......so confront her and start setting up bounderies and the consequences for when they are crossed.

It sucks but its time to protect your marriage and ya taking this kind of control really sucks when your with someone that doesn't want to be controlled...at least not this way!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I smell bridge stank... With a hint of wet fur....


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

just in case,, confront B4, then lose the co worker. She knows ALL dude, and is helping her.

take off the blinders.


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