# I just need to vent



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Ok, ladies. This really has no purpose other than I need to vent. I'm feeling so frustrated tonight that I don't even know where to begin. I want to vent about my ex, I want to vent about my life currently and I want to vent about my life in the past. But, I can't change the past can I? No matter how much I beat that horse, he ain't gonna move, is he? So, dead horse aside, why do I continue to get treated like crap? We aren't married anymore, we have very, very little contact with each other, he lives an hour away, so whatever contact we do have, it's like he's gotta make sure, he puts me down. I spoke to him for about 5 minutes tonight about this weeks visits with the kids. He was upset with me that when he called last night, I wouldn't answer the phone so he could speak to our daughter. Well, I have told him before that he is not to call after 9pm and he called at 9:02pm, and where I come from, 9:02 is past 9:00, so I ignored his calls. (Yes, callssss. He called at least 10xs in a row) He tried telling me that 9:02 was close enough. Nope, sorry charlie. I ain't giving you an inch. It just infuriated me the way he was speaking to me in such a demeaning tone. He used to always be able to bully me. Not anymore. I ain't taking his sh*t anymore. So, at what point do they start to change their tactics? What I mean is, he knows he could always get his way with me by being a d*ckhead about everything but once he learns his d*ckhead ways are over with me, what's he going to change his tactic to next? Will he try the "nice card"? What can I expect? Because when people want something, if one way don't work, they change their approach.
Now, in other news, I thought since my divorce, it might be good for me to casually date. You know, nothing serious, just get out and meet new people. So, I joined an online dating website and I did meet a few guys but nobody who impressed me enough to wanna see again, so now I'm frustrated all over again because why is that Captain Asshat can find someone so freaking easily but I can't even get a second date? Well, I do have a date for next weekend, so I guess we will see how that goes but that's a whole other long story for another day.
But this morning when I woke up, I lay in bed for a while staring at the ceiling, completely lost in thought. I made the decision to delete my dating profile and to focus on me. I am still going on my date next weekend, and if all goes well, great! If not, it's okay too, because now I want to take some "me" time. I've told myself to not do anything for at least the next 3 months. I gotta find me. I gotta find out what, if anything, I am worth.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Keep standing your ground, girl! And when he puts you down, remain SILENT on the other end. Give him no satisfaction.

It will get better. Draw that line and stick to it.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I agree. He doesn't rule the roost anymore, so he needs to respect you and your boundaries. This is also a great way to start teaching your kiddo about healthy boundaries as well. No one is anyone else's doormat, so if he is disrespectful put your foot down. It will get worse before it gets better, but stick to it! You also need to take time for you and I'm glad you see that. You need to clear your mind and do what makes you happy, (within reason). Dating can be complicated and a frustrating distraction at times. Friends and family can help fill some of the need for companionship. I wish you the best, I know that this is a difficult time and it doesn't seem like he's making it any easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

1. Your ex being a d!ck--don't feed into it. If he gives you lip, tell him, "I don't appreciate your tone/you calling after the hour I told you not to. Is there anything else you'd liek to discuss related to teh kids?" If not, hang up.
2. Stop comparing your life to your psycho ex's. Who cares if he's moved onto floozie #9? The guy may seem like he's moving on swimmingly but what kind of life if that if he has to get a new girlfriend ever 2 months? And cheats on all of them? Really really, you need to stop comparing your life to his. It's apples and oranges.
3. Good for you for going on dating sites and subsequently deleting them. Right now is a PERFECT time to focus on YOU and no one else (besides your kids). You just came out of the hell that was marriage to your ex and you need to refocus/regroup/ and start anew. Involving a new guy is not the best way to do it. 

Do you!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

You go!
Instead of being mad because your ex is an ass, be proud of yourself for not taking it anymore. I agree, 9:02 is after 9:00. Stand your ground and do not give an inch. He is gone.
Something else, he has another already because anyone can find someone. If you wanted some loser to just buy beer and screw, you could find someone, too. So don't think he "has it all." He just has some loser to push around. Nothing to be jealous of.


Oh, and just a reminder - I have been eating two boxes of popsicles a day so I can make you a present!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

DanF said:


> You go!
> Instead of being mad because your ex is an ass, be proud of yourself for not taking it anymore. I agree, 9:02 is after 9:00. Stand your ground and do not give an inch. He is gone.
> Something else, he has another already because anyone can find someone. If you wanted some loser to just buy beer and screw, you could find someone, too. So don't think he "has it all." He just has some loser to push around. Nothing to be jealous of.
> 
> ...


ha ha ha wait, I said anything NOT made out of popsicle sticks  and please no macaroni necklaces either.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> ha ha ha wait, I said anything NOT made out of popsicle sticks  and please no macaroni necklaces either.


No popsicle sticks?! No macaroni necklaces?! I bet you don't want a picture of a turkey made from a handprint, either, do you?

My God Woman!!! What else is there?!

Keep your chin up, Apple. You are going to be fine.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

APPLE sorry to hear that your hurting these days, your angry you are beyond angry I get it. And you deserve to be angry, however if you do not let that anger go or let him go it will consume you WHOLE. As far as the relationship part, don't focus on him focus on you. I hate to sound like a cliche but you exude what you attract, how you feel and what your feeling is what your putting out it comes out no matter how we try to mask it. You can't move on unless you can get him out your system. You need to if you havnt already, need to take time for YOURSELF maybe go to a recreation center or a community college take a yoga class or an art class, maybe kickboxing  Do something that is healthy for "YOU" where you can transfer that pain, that anger that hurt, into something productive. Go for walks start taking better care of yourself, take a walk or excerise, do things to make yourself feel good. What helps and god knows I'm guilty of it, when I work out I envison myself looking super hot and my ex runs into me and his mouth drops to the ground admitting to himself god she looks hot, and she is not with me anymore, dang. That is my motivation a playful one at that.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I remember the day I hung up on my ex. he was going into one of his stupid tyranical yelling fits about something STUPID like I would be 20 minutes late to get our daughter. He was yelling, cussing, omg...out of control...like normal.

I said, "You aren't allowed to talk to me this way. When you calm down, call me back." *click*

WOOT! Felt sooo good. He called back in about 10 minutes, apologized (first time EVER) and that was that.

You'll see....the more you stand your ground, things will change.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

You're probably right about needing to get out and meet new people, but I'd say that at this point, social would be better than romantic. Just getting friends and interests re-established, you know? Finding folks with common interests through other things you do, or even online stuff like meetup.org. Then worry about dating and stuff when your head is in a better place about the ex and all that angst.

And for the record....you too could totally get a warm body in place like he manages to do! It's not that hard. It's finding someone worth sharing yourself and your life and your family with that's the hard part and clearly with the parade he's got going, that's not what he's doing!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

It's ok. I give up. The one thing I wanted more than anything in life was to be someone's wife. To be love and to love back. I am very conservative in that old fashioned family value way. As I look back at my life, I married young (only 20 years old) and I married the first guy who said what I wanted to hear. I don't believe my ex was ever genuine about anything he ever said to me. I tried so hard, so so hard to make my marraige work. I was determined not to become a divorcee, yet it happened. I feel like I've let my kids down because I couldn't be enough for their father. We are a broken family and all my efforts to keep us together, weren't enough. I just have a hard time seeing myself being worth the time to someone else when all my devotion to him got me nowhere. I've lost hope of ever being loved. I give up. Stupid hopes and dreams.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Have you gotten any therapy to figure out why you gravitated to someone who did not treat you well? Often times, how we feel about ourselves influences what type of people we let into our lives. So if you love and accept yourself, you are likely to only allow good men into your life. But if you don't feel good about yourself deep down (and your post makes it sound like you could work on this) it makes you vulnerable to allowing another a$$hat like your XH into your life.

Your XH does not get to be abusive to you EVER. The very second he goes off on you, hang up. In fact, just have your kids answer the phone when he calls. Regarding scheduling and stuff about the kids, get his email address and do it all through email. This way, you limit your contact with this abusive a-hole.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Also, you ARE enough just as you are. I know your husband didn't make you feel that way, but nobody needs to be perfect in order to be loved. My guess is that you were raised to believe that you were not good enough, but you are. Don't blame yourself for your ex-husband's problems. His inability to be loving and honest and good to you is NOT your fault. Those are his issues.


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