# Feeling lost after giving up on my affair



## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Please don't judge me if that's even possible...I wrote on this forum many times to get help, or at least to vent when my feelings were killing me just like now. 
OM came to my town after one year. We always talked on FB as friends, but when we met, we kissed again. I spent some time with him. We cuddled and talked. I was simply happy, however, with each meeting, I felt more and more how I should not be doing that. I told him that what I do is wrong and it is very unfair to my husband and him. He told me that we can stop and I should not be doing something I feel so wrong about. 

I wanted to tell him about my feelings for so long, and now when I finally did, I feel very much lost. I want to let go, but at the same time, I feel like I can't be without him neither. I do have strong feelings for him.
I also realized that I wanted to save him. From the first moment I met him, I felt this weird need to help him because of his bad health condition. 

I honestly don't know what I am doing anymore. I am trying to find out why I am behaving the way I do with men. My counselor said it's because of absence of my father and his alcoholism; unmet needs in my marriage. I don't know...

How do I let finally go? I want OM to be happy. I want to stop walking on a wrong path, and don't want to be this bad and selfish person anymore. My husband does not deserve it and never did. None of them really do. I am such a mess. I wish I would never start my affair, but ended my marriage before a new relationship. It is too late for that. Everything seems so hopeless now...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You just stop doing it.

You cannot fix the OM. 

So just stop it before it completely destroys you. 

Does your husband know?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Simple. 

Divorce. Then you can be with OM all you want.

It's that simple no? Doesn't need to be hard. Divorce then be with the man you want to be.

Simple


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tell your husband the truth. Divorce him and let him find a decent woman. 

You keep thinking this will all get better but it's not going to with you just wishing it. I feel do bad for your husband. He deserves better than you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You just stop doing it.
> 
> You cannot fix the OM.
> 
> ...


My H only knows I liked him, but I never told him there was something more.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I honestly don't know what I am doing anymore. I am trying to find out why I am behaving the way I do with men. My counselor said it's because of absence of my father and his alcoholism; unmet needs in my marriage. I don't know...




If your counselor gave you the reason why (father and his alcoholism, unmet needs in marriage)* then what are the steps for you to get better?*
*Are you following those steps?*


Maybe you are not one of them but I have seen women/men whine about how guilty they are but they do not take the steps to get better. You are not the only person that has made some real bad choices in life and some of those others have got better and so can you.


*What are you dong to get better?*


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

How long do you intend to live this lie-------you are lying to your H by Omission---you are lying to your self, which is leading to your misery, which brings misery down on everyone around you-----and if you have kids---what are you doing to them

You have NO RESPONSIBILITY TO OR FOR your lover---he is a home wrecker and a POS in his own right

If he has Medical problems, then let his family take care of him

You have your own responsibilities----if you do have kids---THEN START BEING AND ACTING LIKE A PROPER MOTHER TO THEM----they are a million times more important and deserving of you then this POS you call your lover


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

You should focus your concern on the person you took marriage vows with; not with an OM that doesn't give a rat's @ss about having an A with a married woman.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

She knows all this. She just wants someone here to tell her it's okay. Only a fellow cheater can tell her that. 

I suppose how she can get over the current OM is to get another one to replace him.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

Is TAM really helping you? You have started about 30 separate threads since 2012, detailing your affair, and you have gotten great advice about ending the affair including confessing to your husband. You have done none of these.

You have traded down to a man who you admit is a serial cheater, can't get it upp, and tons of other issues, and you still can not break away from him? 

I hope you take some of the advice on here...it's the right advice. 

I just feel so sorry for your poor husband.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Wow put on the big girls pants and stop. You are worried about your POS AP knock it off. How about your BS.

I am very afraid your IC has been wet nursing you. Stop Stop Stop It is up to you

Trying worrying about your husband


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You think the OM needs you. So what? Your husband needs you more. 

Let OM find himself a social worker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> My H only knows I liked him, but I never told him there was something more.


 Just wondering how you would feel if the tables were turned and you suddenly found yourself on the receiving end. 

The problem you have is simple and your counselor should have pointed it out..................Your selfish and inconsiderate and only think of what's best for you and the hell with everyone else. Plain and simple.

Do your husband a favor and give him the chance to find a woman. Your female and there's a big difference.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *Lewmin*
> Is TAM really helping you? You have started about 30 separate threads since 2012, detailing your affair, and you have gotten great advice about ending the affair including confessing to your husband. You have done none of these.



Thanks Lewmin for answering my statement below. I guess some peole think that not doing anything is going to get them better. *She has 30 separate threads? Wow, that would take more energy than to do something about the guilt!*




> Maybe you are not one of them but I have seen women/men whine about how guilty they are but they do not take the steps to get better. You are not the only person that has made some real bad choices in life and some of those others have got better and so can you.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

My W's A partner was an alcoholic, and she too felt a calling to save him. When the fog had lifted (and after he died) she was able to say, "Who was I kidding--I wasn't going to save anybody."

AwfullyGuilty, it is not, repeat NOT, your business to save this guy.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> what I do is wrong and it is very unfair to my husband and him. *He told me that we can stop and I should not be doing something I feel so wrong about.
> *
> I wanted to tell him about my feelings for so long, and now when I finally did, I feel very much lost. I want to let go, but at the same time, I feel like I can't be without him neither. I do have strong feelings for him.
> ...


He does not love you, OP. I know that is hard to hear, but it is the truth.

Please start to love yourself. Maybe he will do you a favor and break it off with you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You end this charade by no contact. Shut down your FB, block him, etc.

Don't even bother to tell him it is over.

Just end it and leave him behind you.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> Simple.
> 
> Divorce. Then you can be with OM all you want.
> 
> ...


this

throw away your life for a guy who fools around with married women, yeah that will end well...

seriously. divorce...not for YOU but for your poor husband, he desreves better and YOU will get what you deserve when mr wonderful dumps you for another married woman


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

and what is all this "I am trying to find out why I do this"...as if you have no say in the matter...whenever a ws say this, they are just buying time for more ap sex and to keep the bs (their wallet) a little longer


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

If you had an alcoholic parent growing up, this could help you work through your issues.


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## ire8179 (Apr 19, 2014)

Why do you feel the need to be his KISA ? 
My guess is you're wired to him because you think he needs you and you can be his savior therefore you feel needed and get acceptance. You mention that you have strong feeling to OM but not to your husband, maybe you care about your h because he has the title husband but clearly not as a person

Tell your h the truth and let him take it from there, the more you prolong it the more time you rob from your husband the chance of happiness, with you or someone else


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> Please don't judge me if that's even possible...I wrote on this forum many times to get help, or at least to vent when my feelings were killing me just like now.
> OM came to my town after one year. We always talked on FB as friends, but when we met, we kissed again. I spent some time with him. We cuddled and talked. I was simply happy, however, with each meeting, I felt more and more how I should not be doing that. I told him that what I do is wrong and it is very unfair to my husband and him. He told me that we can stop and I should not be doing something I feel so wrong about.
> 
> I wanted to tell him about my feelings for so long, and now when I finally did, I feel very much lost. I want to let go, but at the same time, I feel like I can't be without him neither. I do have strong feelings for him.
> ...


Everything is not hopeless. You chose not to end your marriage and instead carried out an affair. And you refuse to tell your husband all of the details which shows you don't feel guilty and remorseful and will continue with your horrible behavior.

If you truly wanted to stop, you'd tell your husband so you could get help and get into therapy to sort out your personal issues and your marriage.

But it's clear you don't want to stop and you should accept it. 

Please give your husband a divorce so he can find someone who is in love with him and committed only to him. Then you can freely come to OM's rescue whenever you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Tell your husband. He deserves to know that he's been sharing his wife w/ another man, and he'll likely be of great help in clearing up any confusion that you may feel w/ respect to your current situation.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Hon, I responded to your pm. Nothing can change until all the truths are laid out on the table. It's HARD, I know. I've been there. You feel ashamed and embarrassed and like absolute sh!t. 

Your marriage is going to remain stagnant if you don't stop the endless analyzing and useless talking. Have you had multiple affairs?


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

People have told me here when I am being pathetic. Sometimes the medicine is bitter and tough to swallow.

Stop being pathetic. You are in control of you. You are not helpless. You can stop this. 

Make you choice and live with yourself.


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

You want to save this other man who has no history with you. Who is going to save your husband when he finds out about your betrayal? It's sick twisted game you're playing and I think you like the drama of it all. Get a new hobby. One that won't ruin your husband on relationships forever.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You can't save anyone but yourself, and you're doing a bad job of saving yourself. Your OM's problems are his own and only HE can save himself. 

Telling your husband about your affair can be the bucket of cold water on your head that will snap you out of this. You'll be amazed how quickly "I want a divorce" will snap you out of your fantasies. 

You've hurt your husband terribly. Save HIM if you need to save somebody. Save your MARRIAGE if you need to save something. Put your energy toward becoming a better person, a better wife, and on making your husband's life better if you need to focus on saving things.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

if you ever even cared about your H and the pain he will experience from your affair, you would stop today.

You would go NC with the POSOM, tell your H and drive him to counseling.

Put yourself in your H's shoes for a minute.

How would you feel if he had an affair? would it bother you to be a backup plan, second choice, that he made vows to you and did not give any thought to your pain?

Save your H, forget about the OM. It will take him years to get over your cheating. He will never forget it.

It will ruin the rest of his life. 

So do this. Stop it today.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> Please don't judge me if that's even possible...


Why shouldn't we? Your behavior is pretty lousy, yet you shift blame for it away from yourself and do nothing to fix it.



AwfullyGuilty said:


> How do I let finally go? I want OM to be happy. I want to stop walking on a wrong path, and don't want to be this bad and selfish person anymore. My husband does not deserve it and never did. None of them really do. I am such a mess. I wish I would never start my affair, but ended my marriage before a new relationship. It is too late for that. Everything seems so hopeless now...


Just walk away from OM and inform your husband.

Meh...


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Nothing nice to say so............


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

AG why don't you do yourself and your husband a favor by admitting your interest in your husband and your marriage has simply dried up. Pronounce the corpse dead and get on with it. Isn't your "private moments" with your old man like Loretta Lynn's song, "when the tingle becomes a chill". You know its true and it ain't gonna get any better.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

ACOA Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.

End the affair

Tell your husband

Get another counselor who will hold you accountable with your husband.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Considering you have started *29 threads*, I don't think anyone here can give you any useful advice, since you obviously don't listen.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

you can save the OM by divorcing that good for nothing husband of yours that is stopping you from being the saint of the OM's life. 

you are the mother teresa of the cheating/cake eaters. they should make a medal for you!!


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Geez Louise, I'm glad the people who posted to me never gave up when I was up to my neck in my own self-pity and shortsightedness.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

AnnieAsh said:


> Geez Louise, I'm glad the people who posted to me never gave up when I was up to my neck in my own self-pity and shortsightedness.


Fair enough, but check this out...



barbados said:


> Considering you have started *29 threads*, I don't think anyone here can give you any useful advice, since you obviously don't listen.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

I've read her threads. I don't get the point of coming INTO her thread and telling her she's a hopeless case. Just ignore the thread. 

AG, come back soon.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i dont see the point of blowing smoke and lying to people and helping them manipulate their spouses. she isnt looking for help she is looking for people to validate he bad choices and help lie to her husband, sorry if i dont sugar coat the truth


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I think it's pretty valid when you start 29 threads about the same subject and are still asking the "How do I let go" question.

What exactly is the point of answering when she won't listen 

Out.


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Thank you for all of your posts…Some asked about kids – we have no kids. 
I also know that no matter what I write on here will sound like justification for my actions. I don’t blame my husband for my mistakes. It is all on me. I was stupid, naïve, and selfish. I did not get married to cheat, nor did I get married to get divorce. But I think that I got married way too young. Looking back, I was just a child and this is not an excuse, this is how I feel about getting married young without actually making sure you are compatible with each other. 
There is also one thing I don’t understand… Why does a cheater’s spouse automatically become a saint? I don’t get this. Of course my husband did not deserve it, but what if I felt the same pain when he was abusive to me? I never asked for put downs, daily criticism, sarcastic remarks, and I had to “beg” for any attention.

Before I ever looked at OM, I told him so many times that something is wrong. I still remember how he laughed into my face. It was always me, he never did anything wrong. I know what I have done was wrong and is wrong… I am a weak woman who did not let go of my marriage when I should, and instead of that I wanted to be saved by someone else. I now know that the person was supposed to be me.

I also did not leave because I did not want to give up on my marriage. I believed it was my fault so if I did better, he would be satisfied and our marriage would be just fine. When it did not work that way, I stayed anyway. There is no excuse, just a fear of unknown. I was never alone in my life when I lived in my country. Now, living far away from everyone and everything I know, making this change feels impossible. 

I received a lot great advices from you all through out of my 29 posts. Some had something to do with cheating, others with an abuse, or marriage in general. I did not tell my husband because I was advised by 2 counselors and one best friend not to tell him. Some said that I did not take anything from your help. I did, but those are very little steps I took. Some of them had to do with boundaries in my marriage. While in affair, I refused sex and told him that I feel how wrong this is. I do want to end it completely and clean my mind. But first, I have to find myself-better myself. What I have done, is my fault. My husband did not deserve it and I don’t say this just to say it. I also feel it.

Someone asked to put myself in his shoes…What would I do feel if he has someone? I don’t feel anything. No anger, no pain. Long time ago, I actually wished he would have someone to be happy with.

And yes, I should listen to you much better.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You know that when your username popped up again I was hoping that you had ended the insanity.

Just what exactly are you getting out of the affair after all this time? It is just a hell of your own making. 

There is a way out but you may not like it. 

Leave both of them and forge a new path on your own. 

You will be alone and feel dreadful but this is only going to get worse. 
The OM is doing the typical OM thing. I wouldn't worry about him. He will be fine and just move on. As you will.

No more . There is nothing left to lose.

Just end it and then end your marriage. You have no kids there so there will be little fall out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> Thank you for all of your posts…Some asked about kids – we have no kids.
> I also know that no matter what I write on here will sound like justification for my actions. I don’t blame my husband for my mistakes. It is all on me. I was stupid, naïve, and selfish. I did not get married to cheat, nor did I get married to get divorce. But I think that I got married way too young. Looking back, I was just a child and this is not an excuse, this is how I feel about getting married young without actually making sure you are compatible with each other.
> There is also one thing I don’t understand… Why does a cheater’s spouse automatically become a saint? I don’t get this. Of course my husband did not deserve it, but what if I felt the same pain when he was abusive to me? I never asked for put downs, daily criticism, sarcastic remarks, and I had to “beg” for any attention.
> 
> ...


Are you trying to save OM, or are your trying to save yourself?

Are you the liferaft for the OM, or is the OM the liferaft for you?

You and your husband need help to work your way through a bad marriage into a better marriage or to a post-marriage state when you can both move on to be better people together or better people apart.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Instead of OP I would like to use AP (Adulterous Poster). AP try the 180 approach on the OM. Sometimes the only way for him to respect you and himself is to learn he will lose you. It will raise his self esteem and yours, unless you get a weird buzz out of feeling guilty. AP why do you post if you do not follow advise?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

End the affair, 180 the abusive husband. 

This is an extensive boundary issue which will not improve by finding any other man. Get down to one man, your husband. Then do two things, the 180 and practice boundaries for a WHILE. Read anything on Boundaries by Townsend. You were taught not to have boundaries, which is not your fault, but now that you see the destruction of that state, now it is your responsibility to learn how to stay differently in a relationship. It will take time. Treat your husband as an unruly roommate and begin asking for better behavior from him. He can choose his behavior. Just as much as you can chose to not medicate your emotional pain with affairs, he too can choose to not feed his ego by abusing his wife. And YOU can ask for the change, but you must learn how to ask in a way that CAUSES him to WANT to choose better.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> Instead of OP I would like to use AP (Adulterous Poster). AP try the 180 approach on the OM. Sometimes the only way for him to respect you and himself is to learn he will lose you. It will raise his self esteem and yours, unless you get a weird buzz out of feeling guilty. AP why do you post if you do not follow advise?


Because she is getting something from the OM that she isn't getting from her husband?

Which is why I suggest couple's counselling for them.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Awfullyguilty

FORGET BOTH men and get help working on yourself


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> Thank you for all of your posts…Some asked about kids – we have no kids.
> I also know that no matter what I write on here will sound like justification for my actions. I don’t blame my husband for my mistakes. It is all on me. I was stupid, naïve, and selfish. I did not get married to cheat, nor did I get married to get divorce. But I think that I got married way too young. Looking back, I was just a child and this is not an excuse, this is how I feel about getting married young without actually making sure you are compatible with each other.
> There is also one thing I don’t understand… Why does a cheater’s spouse automatically become a saint? I don’t get this. Of course my husband did not deserve it, but what if I felt the same pain when he was abusive to me? I never asked for put downs, daily criticism, sarcastic remarks, and I had to “beg” for any attention.
> 
> ...


I'll rephrase this post with unerring accuracy

"I'm sorry.......but"

I'm sorry but in cheaters script "but" ALWAYS means "I know I ripped everything up" "I know I should not have - I know I know" """ BUT """

( the "but" always means ITS NOT MY FAULT)

When you stop putting "but" after those first few sentences then you'll mean it properly and maybe able to look forward to something


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Mr Blunt said:


> Awfullyguilty
> 
> FORGET BOTH men and get help working on yourself


Good advise, 

But in the mean time, if there is one you do want to stay with, there are way to stop loving the other person. Sadly, there are real techniques to be learned... 
-sammy


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

ing said:


> You know that when your username popped up again I was hoping that you had ended the insanity.
> 
> Just what exactly are you getting out of the affair after all this time? It is just a hell of your own making.
> There is a way out but you may not like it.
> ...


*You are right! Is is a hell of my own making. It goes nowhere. When OM was in his country, we talked as friends. It felt as if he cared how my school and life is going. When I felt bad, he made me feel better by showing he cares. Or at least by not putting me down. But I get it. I could talk to any of my girl-friends this way and not to do anything wrong. When he came here on his vacation, from a very first day, I felt this sneaking and meeting was not something I wanted anymore. It simply felt very wrong and that's why I told him.*


*I know I am different because before all I could think of was being with him. Now all I could think of was how wrong it was. When I met him, I enjoyed his company, even though I did not do things I used to did with him. Then, when we talked about our lesbian friend and he made a comment about her being more of a man, than my husband, it hit me how wrong he was about that. My H did not deserve such a stupid comment. After that, I only met him once to say Bye before he left back home. There will be no more meetings. I am sure I will be over him next time he comes to our town. I have about one year, I can do that! *


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Headspin said:


> I'll rephrase this post with unerring accuracy
> 
> "I'm sorry.......but"
> 
> ...


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> You are right! Is is a hell of my own making. It goes nowhere. When OM was in his country, we talked as friends. It felt as if he cared how my school and life is going. When I felt bad, he made me feel better by showing he cares. Or at least by not putting me down. But I get it.


That is not a friendship, that is called an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. You really need to smarten up.

This dirtbag is using you and has fooled you into thinking he's doing you a FAVOR for it.

Wise up.

He is not your friend, and never was. He's a USER.

You clearly don't even know what an emotional affair is yet.. so your counselors are clearly not doing their job.

No one said your spouse is a saint except for you.

You cheating on your non-saint spouse is NOT going to improve YOUR situation, it just creates MORE drama and tension in YOUR life.

Smarten up and drop this dirtbag user.



AwfullyGuilty said:


> I could talk to any of my girl-friends this way and not to do anything wrong. When he came here on his vacation, from a very first day, I felt this sneaking and meeting was not something I wanted anymore. It simply felt very wrong and that's why I told him.


It has nothing to do with WRONG. It is NOT CONSTRUCTIVE.

_When you turn to a surrogate and a substitute you are DESTROYING your relationship with your HUSBAND

Every minute you WASTE on this guy just ERODES your MARRIAGE further.
_
And THEN you have the GALL to come here and complain about your marriage being disconnected?

Well duh...

Infidelity has nothing to do with "wrong."  It's STUPID.

You are in a WORSE situation NOW than you were BEFORE You got involved with him.

That's not wrong, that's STUPID.



AwfullyGuilty said:


> I know I am different because before all I could think of was being with him. Now all I could think of was how wrong it was.


You need to smarten up and stop worrying about how WRONG it is, and START observing how DESTRUCTIVE it is.

_It's foolishly destructive to your primary relationship to recruit a surrogate and substitute in SECRET.
_

Particularly given the fact that your choice of surrogate and substitute is someone so callous as to be willing to collude with you to begin with.

How is recruiting a liar, a cheat, and an intruder as a marital surrogate and substitute improving your situation???



Not wrong.. STUPID.

That is NOT going to improve the long term situation for you, for him, OR for your husband.

You want to SAVE this man?
_
Then DUMP HIM and Let him GO find someone who's AVAILABLE._

THAT is how you SAVE a surrogate and substitute you are NOT in a position to PURSUE in the FIRST PLACE.



AwfullyGuilty said:


> When I met him, I enjoyed his company, even though I did not do things I used to did with him.


By "enjoyed his company" you mean you have an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. You need to KNOCK off the excuses and call a spade a SPADE.

You are disrespecting your husband which is NOT going to END WELL for ANY of you. KNOCK it OFF.



AwfullyGuilty said:


> Then, when we talked about our lesbian friend and he made a comment about her being more of a man, than my husband, it hit me how wrong he was about that.


Right, and THIS guy SNEAKING AROUND with a 'MARRIED WOMAN makes HIM a MAN does it?



AwfullyGuilty said:


> My H did not deserve such a stupid comment. After that, I only met him once to say Bye before he left back home. There will be no more meetings. I am sure I will be over him next time he comes to our town. I have about one year, I can do that!


OR rather than being OVER him you can LOOK at the dirt bag for who he IS.

He's a LIAR
He's a CHEAT
He's an intruder
He's a predator
He's an interloper
He's a creep

And he's NOT your FRIEND.

He's USED you and WILL CONTINUE to USE you until you SMARTEN UP.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> *You are right! Is is a hell of my own making. It goes nowhere. When OM was in his country, we talked as friends. It felt as if he cared how my school and life is going. When I felt bad, he made me feel better by showing he cares. Or at least by not putting me down. But I get it. I could talk to any of my girl-friends this way and not to do anything wrong. When he came here on his vacation, from a very first day, I felt this sneaking and meeting was not something I wanted anymore. It simply felt very wrong and that's why I told him.*
> 
> 
> *I know I am different because before all I could think of was being with him. Now all I could think of was how wrong it was. When I met him, I enjoyed his company, even though I did not do things I used to did with him. Then, when we talked about our lesbian friend and he made a comment about her being more of a man, than my husband, it hit me how wrong he was about that. My H did not deserve such a stupid comment. After that, I only met him once to say Bye before he left back home. There will be no more meetings. I am sure I will be over him next time he comes to our town. I have about one year, I can do that! *



If it is going to take a year to "get over him" maybe you should think about what it is you are getting over. I mean, seriously your getting zero out of it other than guilt and feeling wrong. 

It feels wrong because it is wrong. You know this but have manged to suppress those feelings for a long time. They keep bubbling up though don't they. Meanwhile your Husband is trudging away at life unaware that the place he used to feel secure in, at home in, unguarded and vulnerable in has been infected with the cancer of an affair. 
He knows that something is not right and is shutting down on you.. Perhaps not consciously but every day he knows a little more that you are further away. Perhaps he is angry or withdrawn, stays longer at work. Perhaps he sneers when he used to smile. 

It is only a matter of time really before other women will notice him and start hitting on him. His whole being will be exuding "help me". There are many women that will love that and he may or ma not act. This drives a further wedge. And then it is over. 
What do you have then? A man who systematically and over a long time destroyed your marriage while offering you precisely nothing. 
And a man who used to love you. An empty place where he used to be


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

AG, I am a little confused. The last time I understood that you and your husband were not in your original country and had moved to the USA. There you hooked up with a young soldier who I understood to be American. Now you have an OM from another country ? How many OM are there ?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> My husband does not deserve it and never did. None of them really do. I am such a mess. I wish I would never start my affair, *but ended my marriage before a new relationship*...


Based on what you just said, then why aren't you taking steps to set your H free? Or are you?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

lewmin said:


> Is TAM really helping you? You have started about 30 separate threads since 2012, detailing your affair, and you have gotten great advice about ending the affair including confessing to your husband. You have done none of these.
> 
> You have traded down to a man who you admit is a serial cheater, can't get it upp, and tons of other issues, and you still can not break away from him?
> 
> ...


It's simple.

It's the same thing for people that go to doctor after doctor until they find the one that tells them what they want to hear.

She'll keep posting until she hears that it's OK to keep seeing the other guy and stay married.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *By AwfullyGuilty*
> True! Always buts...I am honestly tired of those bud-s and feeling as if this situation was hopeless, because it is not. Thanks to me, I am where I am now. *I did not take action when I should. My bad, my mess and now I can be marinated in my own self-pity. How pathetic.* It is so easy to tell others when to move on, what is wrong and what is right, and when it comes to your own life (mine) - we are blind. I told my mom many times she could have a different life without my father when she complained...now I do the same thing. Complaining without any action, just because a known misery is better than the one unknown. Gosh!



I have asked you in an earlier post about a week ago these questions:


> *“… What are the steps for you to get better?
> Are you following those steps?*


You did not answer. Your ignoring the questions and your post above seem to indicate that you are one that chooses to marinate in you’re own self-pity rather than take action to get better. If that is the case then your words are so very appropriate when you said “HOW PATHETIC”


*Would you really rather marinate in your own self-pity than take actions to get better?*


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

manfromlamancha said:


> AG, I am a little confused. The last time I understood that you and your husband were not in your original country and had moved to the USA. There you hooked up with a young soldier who I understood to be American. Now you have an OM from another country ? How many OM are there ?


Yes, we don't live in our original country. Both OM are Americans. One just don't live here anymore.


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> I have asked you in an earlier post about a week ago these questions:
> 
> You did not answer. Your ignoring the questions and your post above seem to indicate that you are one that chooses to marinate in you’re own self-pity rather than take action to get better. If that is the case then your words are so very appropriate when you said “HOW PATHETIC”[/COLOR]
> 
> ...


I am sorry if it looked that I ignored your question.
No, I would NOT rather marinate myself in self-pity. When OM left, I did not contact him anymore and do not plan on it. I want to get over him whether I have feelings for him or not. I know it is the right thing to do.

That young guy contacted me after months of no talk. He said he loves me, misses me...I know his words were not real. I deleted his phone number and I do not talk to him anymore. We never met after that huge mistake and we never will even though he kept telling me how much he wants to see me again.

I am trying to spend more time with my H. We are very different and with different hobbies, but we recently found something we both like to do together. Maybe it will bring us closer to each other. Or I hope.


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> Awfullyguilty
> 
> FORGET BOTH men and get help working on yourself


I am working on myself...I am seeing my therapist every month and it helps a lot. I read books about Self-love, Co-depended no more and lots of articles on the internet. Going back to college helps a lot too. I see I am able to do more than I thought I can years ago. I am growing...Slowly, but for sure.
However, with each little step I take, I also see that my husband is not that impressed by my independence. Sometimes it makes me feel very selfish for wanting more from a life. He does not want to go back to school and accomplish more. I guess, we simple do not have same goals. He does good anyway.


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

marduk said:


> It's simple.
> 
> It's the same thing for people that go to doctor after doctor until they find the one that tells them what they want to hear.
> 
> She'll keep posting until she hears that it's OK to keep seeing the other guy and stay married.


You are wrong. If this is what I wanted, why would I even bother to write on this forum? I see reactions and no-one will ever say it is OK to have a lover and H at the same time. Besides, I know that too. If I did not feel this is wrong, I would not ask for an advice. 

I would say that by "going to see a doctor after a doctor", I am more asking for permission to leave or hear that it is OK to leave my marriage. I need to figure out my attachment and what about that I don't want to understand.


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”


I love that quote. So true.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> You are wrong. If this is what I wanted, why would I even bother to write on this forum? I see reactions and no-one will ever say it is OK to have a lover and H at the same time. Besides, I know that too. If I did not feel this is wrong, I would not ask for an advice.
> 
> I would say that by "going to see a doctor after a doctor", I am more asking for permission to leave or hear that it is OK to leave my marriage. I need to figure out my attachment and what about that I don't want to understand.


As an alternative view I would suggest that you are addicted to the drama and emotions of BEING torn between a hopeless love and your formal loved husband.

All the details ad to the drama and enlarge all the emotions involved.

It is your shot.

So:

You would need to be treated for addiction. You would need to see it this way.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *By AwfullyGuilty*
> I am working on myself...I am seeing my therapist every month and it helps a lot. I read books about Self-love, Co-depended no more and lots of articles on the internet. Going back to college helps a lot too. I see I am able to do more than I thought I can years ago. I am growing...Slowly, but for sure.
> However, with each little step I take, I also see that my husband is not that impressed by my independence. Sometimes it makes me feel very selfish for wanting more from a life. He does not want to go back to school and accomplish more. I guess, we simple do not have same goals. He does good anyway.



*CONGRADULATIONS!!!*
You are making progress and taking actions to get better!!!

What is with your statement? “Sometimes it makes me feel very selfish for wanting more from a life.”



There is such a thing as false guilt and then there is real guilt. The guilt you feel for cheating on your husband is real but you wanting to improve yourself is NOT real guilt it is false guilt. *Do not get sucked into that false guilt because it will sabatoge your improvements.*


I think that the actions you are taking are really very good. You made some statements about how you feel your husband is treating you and here they are reprinted below:



> *By AwfullyGuilty*
> Of course my husband did not deserve it, but what if I felt the same pain when he was abusive to me? I never asked for put downs, daily criticism, sarcastic remarks, and I had to “beg” for any attention.
> 
> Before I ever looked at OM, I told him so many times that something is wrong. I still remember how he laughed into my face. It was always me, he never did anything wrong.


Your husband needs to really change his way of treating you. He is either ignorant or mean. However, you cannot control him you can only control yourself.* I encourage you to keep improving yourself and you will be much better to take the right actions in the future according to how much your husband changes his treatment of you.*

If both of you do not change then your marriage is doomed. If only one of you changes then it is going to be a marriage with a lot of hurts. If both of you change in a way that brings you both to treat each other in a loving and healthy manner your marriage will be saved. IMO

*You both have to want to change then you have to DO IT!*


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Curious A.G.... did you have two dads?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You are trying to decide on your plan A or plan B. Well that is nice. Did you give your husband a choice? Honey should I have an A or not.

Most A relationships die very few people ever leave their spouse and really make a go of it with the other person. Your A partner does not have to deal about money issues or family issues with you it is all about the excitement of the PA

Decide if I want to try and rebuild a marriage or not. Put on your big girl panties and make a choice.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> You are wrong. If this is what I wanted, why would I even bother to write on this forum? I see reactions and no-one will ever say it is OK to have a lover and H at the same time. Besides, I know that too. If I did not feel this is wrong, I would not ask for an advice.
> 
> I would say that by "going to see a doctor after a doctor", I am more asking for permission to leave or hear that it is OK to leave my marriage. I need to figure out my attachment and what about that I don't want to understand.


So do it then.

The ONE great tidbit I got from a marriage counsellor was that ANY LIFE DECISION CAN BE MADE IN ONE WEEK OR LESS.

Any one.

If it takes longer than a week, you're stalling/rationalizing/procrastinating/etc...

You need to decide and then act on that decision. You can "figure out your attachment" at a later date. This in my mind is code for "I want the current situation to continue but I can't find a way to rationalize it so here's the best I could come up with."

I suspect you have full awareness of:
a) what the _right_ thing to do is
b) which is different from what you _want_ to do
c) what you're _really_ attached to.

Am I wrong?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> You are wrong. If this is what I wanted, why would I even bother to write on this forum? I see reactions and no-one will ever say it is OK to have a lover and H at the same time. Besides, I know that too. If I did not feel this is wrong, I would not ask for an advice.
> 
> I would say that by "going to see a doctor after a doctor", I am more asking for permission to leave or hear that it is OK to leave my marriage. I need to figure out my attachment and what about that I don't want to understand.


Visit a psychologist. There are techniques that may be of benefit to you. Good luck with your search for a sollution. :smthumbup:


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> When OM left, I did not contact him anymore and do not plan on it. I want to get over him whether I have feelings for him or not. I know it is the right thing to do.


Good grief.

Why do so many cheating spouses think they can just "not plan" on contact and everything will be fine?

AG, you need to DO the FOLLOWING : 

a. change your email address
b. change your phone number
c. change your Facebook (or get OFF Facebook, it's not HELPING your MARRIAGE)
d. get off twitter
e. get off any other social networking site OM may know about or find you on

THAT is how you PLAN on not contacting him again.

THAT is how you "get over him"

Feelings Schmeelings... you sound like a spoiled teen- cheerleader pining over her quarterback.

Grow up.

The SMART thing to do (forget the right thing to do, no one does that) is to END CONTACT PROPERLY.

SHUT DOWN ALL ACCESS to YOU.

You don't just tell him "bye bye" and expect all will be well.

DO NOT be that STUPID.

You put a WALL up between YOU and HIM.

You do NOT call him to say good bye, you do not write him a letter to end it.. you just put up a WALL and KEEP the WALL UP.

Put the wall up or you are NOT ending ANYTHING.


You are just putting it on HOLD.

You put up a wall to protect YOU.
You put up a wall to protect your husband.
You put up a wall to protect your family.
You put up a wall to protect your damn HOME.

Doing ANY LESS than that is perpetuating deception and disrespect.

If someone breaks into your home you CHANGE THE LOCKS.

This man used phone numbers, email etc, to break into your MARRIAGE. You need to CHANGE your NUMBER.

Smarten up.

Just "not planning on calling" is NOT ENOUGH.

And you aren't fooling ANYONE here to suggest otherwise.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> You are wrong. If this is what I wanted, why would I even bother to write on this forum? I see reactions and no-one will ever say it is OK to have a lover and H at the same time. Besides, I know that too. If I did not feel this is wrong, I would not ask for an advice.


Stop worrying about "wrong."

People do NOT CARE if something is WRONG, they will just do it anyways.

Infidelity is STUPID.

It just makes a mess, creates conflict and toxicity, and does an immeasurable amount of damage to many people's lives.

Stop worrying about wrong and start worrying about stupid.

Stop worrying about doing the right thing and start doing the SMART thing.

The SMART thing is to END the promiscuous behavior and work with your marriage to resolve it one way or the other.

Infidelity is STUPID.

You wouldn't set your HOME on fire would you?

NO, that would be STUPID.

So do the SMART thing and resolve your marriage one way or the other.. to something satisfying, or to a divorce.

THAT is the SMART thing to do.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> I see reactions and no-one will ever say it is OK to have a lover and H at the same time. Besides, I know that too. If I did not feel this is wrong, I would not ask for an advice.


If you DO feel guilty then start changing your language.

The term is not "lover". That's a LIE.

OM is the following : 

A co-conspirator
An interloper
A contaminant
An intruder

He is NOT a "lover".

That is NOT the language of someone who feels guilt or who is actually ending their promiscuous behavior.

End the behavior by changing your language.

OM is an _intruder_, YOU are _promiscuous_, and your INFIDELITY is _ON HOLD_ until you shut OM down properly.

THAT is the truth.

This is a lie : 

_I don't plan to contact my lover ever again, because I feel guilty.
_

BALONEY.

You ARE planning since you haven't taken appropriate actions to NOT allow contact to happen.

He is NOT your lover, he's an INTRUDER.

You do NOT feel guilty because you haven't taken sufficient actions to demonstrate guilt by SHUTTING DOWN all POSSIBLE contact.

When your language changes is when you start to change. And your language still reads like some cheap romance novel.

What I am reading here is a woman who has grown addicted to the soap opera she's created that's STILL running in her HEAD.

Change the channel.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I rarely click on these type of threads because I always see the same thing:

A WS justifying their affair by re-writing the marital history and demonizing the BS. Its typical cheater behavior.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If you have truly ended your A---then it is now time to deal with, according to you, your major problem---your mge

1st you need to tell your H the truth about your relationship with your lover--------and no matter what you wanna think---he, your lover, is in all truth, a POS, as he is a homewrecker----if he were a decent moral person---he would have said to you ---in the beginning---get your D, then we can go from there---but that didn't happen did it

Back to your H---if you are trying, and doing the best you can, in attempting to fix your mge---and you are getting nowhere------then it is time for you to stop *****footing around, and tell your H---straight out----HE EITHER TREATS YOU WITH DIGNITY/RESPECT/LOVE/AFFECTION/HONESTY, or it is time to end this mge.----

You have one weapon to bring about/force CHANGE---THAT IS THREAT OF D/D.----------if you really wanna stay in this mge, no matter what---then you must threaten your H, with the end of the mge---to make the mge continue---sounds convoluted---but it is what works, if anything is gonna work

Right now your H, things little to nothing of you/shines you on, and doesn't seem to care, cuz all you have hit him with, are words----------ACTIONS, that is what has to come into play


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

jnj express said:


> If you have truly ended your A---


10:1 odds she hasn't _really_.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I always say third time a charm. Wait for the 3rd OM and THEN fix yourself..

Look A.G. this isn't hard.. Its not rocket science.. Grow up.. Do what is right, if you can't then tell your STBXH and let him make the choice for you.. 

Straight and Simple.. 

Force your husband to make the choice.. Tell him your seeing a second man and you intend to keep seeing him..

This way its done.. One way or another its done.. 

Hey maybe your husband knows and has someone himself on the side.. Maybe he is thinking the same and hoping you find someone else..


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> I wish I would never start my affair, but ended my marriage before a new relationship. It is too late for that. Everything seems so hopeless now...


It's never too late, end your marriage go and take care of the new man. What's so hard about that. You're clearly sooooooooo in Loooooove with this other man. Go for it, make yourself happy. Let your husband move on and make himself happy with someone who wants to be with him and love him the way you love the OM.

Very, very simple to do. Unless there are other factors playing in, kids, finances, etc...that force you to stay with your husband?

I thought it was such a tough decision but my wife made it pretty simple. Stay married or get my @ss out of her life. Can't get more simple than that.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Sure you feel lost, or wish you'd never started something that is now causing you pain.

This could be re-written as a case of:

"I'm so lost now that my drug trafficking connection has been imprisoned. The life of luxury and wealth I once knew has all ended"

"I wish I'd never started my international drug trafficking network. Now my life is just day after day dealing with lawyers and prosecutors. But its too late now. So hopeless, I may have to spend many years in prison because I trafficked drugs so that I could live the life I felt I deserved."


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Curious A.G.... did you have two dads?


No, I have only one dad, but he was not there much for us. He was alcoholic as long as I remember. I feel sorry for him now.


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

marduk said:


> So do it then.
> 
> The ONE great tidbit I got from a marriage counsellor was that ANY LIFE DECISION CAN BE MADE IN ONE WEEK OR LESS.
> 
> ...


No. You are right.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

AG, I know a little bit about your background from what you have told me so I am going to offer this:


You and your husband came to the US from your country (which I know a bit about and have friends from there) and tried to establish yourselves in the USA. This can be quite overwhelming and while you sound energetic and ambitious, it sounds like your husband settled into a rut and being content with what he had. You on the other hand were not content and wanted him to be as energetic and passionate about "doing better" as you were.

In the meantime you caught the attention of not one, but TWO, other men - the young soldier and the one with ED. This told me quite simply that you were nowhere near in love with either of them (although the young soldier may have been a lustful adventure for you), but were simply grateful for the companionship and some break from the "dreary" life you had with your husband. So instead of grabbing your husband and shaking him hard to do something about it with an ultimatum, you simply looked elsewhere.

Now when the ED [email protected] returns, you think of him as the return of your "soulmate" or something. What the others here have said to you is true - he is not the kind of person to develop a relationship with. He is not honourable, honest, loyal or good. He is a predator who uses his limp d!ck to gain sympathy from pretty young women like you. And he was disrespectful to your poor unsuspecting husband with his remark about the lesbian friend being more of a man (I would have ripped him a new hole for that remark if I were you).

You need to stop focussing on make-believe bandaids and deal with the wound itself - sit down and talk to your husband - honestly and with care. Tell him that he is not meeting your needs. Tell him how you felt and what your expectations were when you came to the US and where you both stand now.

Also tell him about the two [email protected] This may provide an easier solution to your dilemma than you think - he may simply choose to leave you. If he does, remember it is his decision to do this because of what you have done. So do it with grace and compassion.

Take a 30,000 foot view of what is playing out here. You are drifting from POSOM to POSOM or anyone who shows you some attention instead of dealing with your marriage and either fixing it or moving on to find someone that you can have a relationship with.

Why are you not talking about this to your husband ? What are you really afraid of ?


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, the married life isn't for you?


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Thank you for all opinions and advices. 
1:10 She did not end her affair...It has been over a month NC. Do I feel a need to contact him sometimes? Yes, when I feel lonely and desperate. Did I contact him? No. 
When my H and I fight, my mind slips into nostalgia and I think of OM. However, then I tell myself it would not work anyway. It is weird feeling.

Some of you mentioned history rewriting...I would feel paranoid and unsure if I did not have my old emails I wrote to my old friend and to one physiologist. These emails are from 2005-2007. There was no OM, no EA or PA. So I know how my marriage was from my perspective and how I felt in it.

Recently, I was spending over a month with my family and friends in my country-without my husband.There I realized that my husband is actually better man than I thought compare to husbands of my friends. I was really excited to see him again after this long time apart. I believed that everything may be better between us and this could bring us closer to each other.

When I met him at the airport, we hugged, kissed...but there were no emotions I hoped for. He brought me flowers, but after 10 minutes together, he started to take care about apps in his phone. I told him it feels so awkward...we did not even talk much. 
Back home when we were intimate I felt so little. I thought there will be passion after such a long time. I was wrong. 
Next day, we already argued over stupid things as me not turning light in the bathroom. He complained he already had to do it 3x and said " One more time you don't switch that light..." He did not say what would happened. I told him he only looks on negatives but did not realized that I already cleaned house after he did not do much on his own. He said I cleaned it for myself not for him. I said I cleaned it for US and I already did all of his laundry that was nicely waiting for me.

I don't know. After this long time, I honestly thought that we would be much precious for each other, I hoped he would give me more attention than before and there will be less of negative things. 

One friend of mine told me about 5 languages of love-book. I am going to order it and read it. I guess I am missing something in the way I read my H or the way I understand his actions. I still don't want to give up on this marriage. I need to work on myself.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> One friend of mine told me about 5 languages of love-book. I am going to order it and read it. I guess I am missing something in the way I read my H or the way I understand his actions. I still don't want to give up on this marriage. I need to work on myself.


So is that before or after you tell your husband you have been having an affair?


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## ire8179 (Apr 19, 2014)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> When my H and I fight, my mind slips into nostalgia and I think of OM. However, then I tell myself it would not work anyway. It is weird feeling.
> 
> Recently, I was spending over a month with my family and friends in my country-without my husband.There I realized that my husband is actually better man than I thought compare to husbands of my friends. I was really excited to see him again after this long time apart. I believed that everything may be better between us and this could bring us closer to each other.
> 
> ...


It's still all about you isn't it ?:scratchhead:


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

AG. I didn't see this thread first time around.

Other men aside, it sounds like your marriage with your husband is MISERABLE. Why not just walk away? It hasn't improved in what 7-8 years? You have no kids. Why not just move on?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

It is difficult to be happy in a marriage when you are romanticizing about someone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Riley_Z (Jan 29, 2014)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> One friend of mine told me about 5 languages of love-book. I am going to order it and read it. I guess I am missing something in the way I read my H or the way I understand his actions. I still don't want to give up on this marriage. I need to work on myself.


Ya think?

You need to manage your expectations, particularly given your promiscuity as others have put it.

You read as if you just want to sit there and expect your husband to repair the damage you have done.

What have *you *done to improve this marriage and repair the fractures you and OM created?

Have you even shut this affair down properly?

Last time you had posted you had done nothing other than just trying not to call him.

What have you done to protect your marriage from further infiltration?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

AG.

Stop deceiving yourself. You know that what you did is wrong. You know thinking about OM is wrong.

With your actions, you are deceiving your husband.

You know you can't fix yourself, leave alone your marriage.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.

will give you some insight into yourself given your father was an alcoholic. All the best to you.


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## NoRush (Jul 14, 2014)

Just a thought. I wonder if you are subconsciously trying to hate your husband so that you will somehow feel more absolved of your guilt.

I'm not a psychologist. Just posing a thought.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

You're never going to feel the rush you did from "affair love".

You have damaged yourself as a marriage partner. You are broken.

Your husband is competing for his wife and he never heard the starting gun, he doesn't even know the jeopardy you have put the marriage in.

Had it come to a head he may have realized it needs work found the motivation to invest more. As it is your have tasted the forbidden fruit and are hungry for it but have done nothing to help his appetite. You have nothing but secrets and unfulfilled desire.

He is a decent man, you said so yourself, what have you done to improve things except hope that he makes you feel the way you affair partners did?

Poor guy!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

poor guy, indeed!


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Really sometimes you simply have to laugh 

:lol:


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