# How long can Disassociation last?



## Lostpossum (Mar 1, 2021)

My ex girlfriend went through having an abortion 7 months ago.

Since then I have tried asking her to go to therapy together to unpack it and talk about it. Her reasonings were due to covid and our lack of jobs, and her fear of her disapproving parents.

She shuts down the conversation pretty quickly and then moves on. She normally would never do this.

Further she hates talking about it altogether and thus I had stopped asking.

She had been binge watching tv shows and movies and focusing on her health which is great yes, but its as if she was not at all thinking about it and that is understandable but I just feel like sweeping things under a rug and disassociating are more damaging.

Out of nowhere 7 months post abortion, she told me she associates me to the abortion and thus she couldn't be with me any longer. Again disassociating from her trauma, which is understandable. Hurtful too when I was supportive of her. But it felt like she wanted to erase any memory of the event.

Finally its been 6 months post breakup and I ran into her sister at a grocery store. After catching up, I asked her about her sister. And she said "Funny you ask, we talked the other day about you. I asked her what's he been up to. And unfortunately she said that she hasn't thought about you, searched you, or any of that."

This killed to hear because we had a long relationship and I thought I was special to her in some way despite breaking up.

I felt like she was trying to disassociate me from her mind and life, sweeping me under that big rug of hers and not thinking about me.

Does disassociation ever catch up to someone and then they need to handle all those things they have pushed down?

Would she ever stop disassociating me do you think? 

Can disassociation last a lifetime?

I would love to be friends just like we were before dating... but yah she doesnt want me around due to the connection, and seemingly she doesnt want me in her head either.


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

This is avoidance, not dissociation.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Were you supprtive of her having an abortion or supportive of her having the baby if she chose? The thing is that if she knew that you were in favour of her haing an abortion she may blame you. She may feel that if you had said no, we cant do and should have this child, she wouldnt have gone ahead with it. 
No woman can kill her own child and it not have a negative effect on her sooner or later.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Were you supprtive of her having an abortion or supportive of her having the baby if she chose? The thing is that if she knew that you were in favour of her haing an abortion she may blame you. She may feel that if you had said no, we cant do and should have this child, she wouldnt have gone ahead with it.
> No woman can kill her own child and it not have a negative effect on her sooner or later.


Maybe you should read this first...









I need neutral advice.


Before reading this I must say this, it is long but for the purpose of context. Also, time does help, after the breakup I was suicidal due to all the remorse and blame I felt. Now I think about her and it doesnt stop my day in any way, I miss her at times when I feel I miss intimacy but...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Violet28 said:


> This is avoidance, not dissociation.


True!

But, his ex-girlfriend no longer wants to associate with him.
The lady is dissing him.

The word works, though the proper library dictionary disallows his interpretation.

While, the English language is flexible, English teachers are not!

........................................................................................................

There are those that claim that I suffer from _Dissociative Identity disorder, DID.
We_ dis-agree.


_Are Dee-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Maybe you should read this first...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Good catch.

His EX GF is mentally unstable.

She is not equipped to make up her own mind.
Her parents abused her, and bullied her, such that she needs their approval on everything.

She expected her fiancee (OP) to tell her *not* to abort the baby.
He was kindly compliant, and did not take charge of her dilemma.

*She needs a daddy, not a partner.*

She is yet a slave, a puppet to her abusive Mum and Bum of a Dad.
Her father is a Philistine, a primitive.

OP dodged a bullet.
He should be grateful.

Hopefully, in time, he will see this.

His EX GF likely never will.
Pity her...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Were you supprtive of her having an abortion or supportive of her having the baby if she chose? The thing is that if she knew that you were in favour of her haing an abortion she may blame you. She may feel that if you had said no, we cant do and should have this child, she wouldnt have gone ahead with it.
> No woman can kill her own child and it not have a negative effect on her sooner or later.


Yes, this...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She doesn’t want to be friends. Let her go.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sticking to one thread would work better.

You need to find a way to move on.

This person and her family are hugely dysfunctional. And, none of them want you around. 

You need to find a way to move forward for yourself and put them all in your rearview mirror.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Some of the best of crazy, lusts _you_ crazy.
Some deliver that great experience between the sheets.

They lull your sane meter, to it's dullest setting.
Reality soon sets in.

You have witnessed that great and painful fall from that former, loving ecstasy...
Phew, now you have seen the lows, the blows of her craziness.

At some point you become numb to all of it.
Make numb now.

Be numb to her portent.
She is broken.

.............................................................................

_Those broken ever seek that broken mirror.
The twisted glass straightens to normal, their refection.

You can forgive away facial tics.
You cannot allow cute ticks to suck dry your spirit.



King Brian-_


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lostpossum said:


> My ex girlfriend went through having an abortion 7 months ago.
> 
> Since then I have tried asking her to go to therapy together to unpack it and talk about it. Her reasonings were due to covid and our lack of jobs, and her fear of her disapproving parents.
> 
> ...


it would be nice if she got some therapy sometime but I don't think that's going to make her take you back. I think it's more complex than that. and I don't think what you're describing is dissociation. Compartmentalization maybe. Or maybe she didn't like your actions during that time. Realize I don't have any idea how it all went down.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Lostpossum said:


> My ex girlfriend went through having an abortion 7 months ago.
> 
> Since then I have tried asking her to go to therapy together to unpack it and talk about it. Her reasonings were due to covid and our lack of jobs, and her fear of her disapproving parents.
> 
> ...


I'm curious if her sister is single. Seems like ulterior motives to tell you that.


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