# Low drive?



## Natthewife (Jun 16, 2014)

Hi ladies, need some help and advice. I'm 32, married 5 years, 5 children. One of my children is autistic and heavy mental health issues and my husband is disabled due to a rare medical condition. I do mostly everything everyday. I'm dog tired and run into the ground.
I love my husband but I have zero sex drive. Been this way last cpl years and it's causing major problems as my husband is high drive. It's not due to me not being attracted to him because believe me I am. 
How can I pick up my drive? When we do do it, it's amazing but I want to feel normal and right now I don't. I manage once a month at a push. It's that bad 😪


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Natthewife

Do you think you would be higher drive if you were not tired? (please try to be honest with yourself). Some people really are legitimately too tired for sex, and in your situation that is very likely. OTOH, some people tell themselves that they are too tired, but really they lack interest, and the tiredness is an excuse - to themselves. 

Do you engage in any other energetic entertainment - running, or similar?





Natthewife said:


> Hi ladies, need some help and advice. I'm 32, married 5 years, 5 children. One of my children is autistic and heavy mental health issues and my husband is disabled due to a rare medical condition. I do mostly everything everyday. I'm dog tired and run into the ground.
> I love my husband but I have zero sex drive. Been this way last cpl years and it's causing major problems as my husband is high drive. It's not due to me not being attracted to him because believe me I am.
> How can I pick up my drive? When we do do it, it's amazing but I want to feel normal and right now I don't. I manage once a month at a push. It's that bad 😪


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## Natthewife (Jun 16, 2014)

No too busy running round after family no time or sitter for anyone to have kids for me to engage in other activity as husband not well enough to have kids by himself. It is genuine tiredness. No sleep in the world is enough anymore. I'm a great wife in all areas apart from my drive. It's my weakness. 
I don't know if there even is such a thing as natural remedies to help? I've talked to my doctor a couple of times about it but it's never taken seriously.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Five kids under five, one autistic with severe mental health issues, husband cannot help, and he dares to complain about anything?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

jld said:


> Five kids under five, one autistic with severe mental health issues, husband cannot help, and he dares to complain about anything?


Yeah, you need some sort of nanny or housekeeper or SOMETHING before you break down. It's not just your libido that's suffering from your exhaustion; that's just the symptom that's bothering you the most right now.

Your husband needs to understand that he helped create these five children that are draining you so badly, and do what he can to support you in that. If he's truly incapable of helping out with them, you've basically got a sixth kid to look after. Is there nothing he can do that's helpful, even if he can't manage the childcare? Can he cook? Clean? Do laundry? At all? If he's really incapable, the least he can do is not add his needs on top of your already mountainous pile of responsibilities. When sex turns into yet another chore, it's no wonder you can't muster enthusiasm for it.

To address it more immediately though, maybe you need a bit of outside help to get in the mood. Is there a movie scene that always gets you going? A picture of your husband that you always thought was really attractive? A piece of lingerie you always feel extra sexy in? You seem okay once you get going, from what you said, it's just getting over the hurdle of starting that's the problem.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How is your sleep? Do you snore? Do you thrash round a lot in bed when sleeping?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You are far too overextended lady! I am a freak and would lose my drive if doing as much as you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

You get big props for coming here - and openly - honestly describing a difficult situation.

I want to start with one premise: You should NOT just suck it up and do it just because he wants you to. 

That said, I believe you BOTH have to learn to transition from where you were: in the past you felt spontaneous desire

To where you are: In the present you are going to have to learn to work with responsive desire. 

And FWIW - my wonderful wife very rarely feels desire - before we start. But we go slow and like Magic - within 10-20 minutes - she is seriously hot. 





Natthewife said:


> Hi ladies, need some help and advice. I'm 32, married 5 years, 5 children. One of my children is autistic and heavy mental health issues and my husband is disabled due to a rare medical condition. I do mostly everything everyday. I'm dog tired and run into the ground.
> I love my husband but I have zero sex drive. Been this way last cpl years and it's causing major problems as my husband is high drive. It's not due to me not being attracted to him because believe me I am.
> How can I pick up my drive? When we do do it, it's amazing but I want to feel normal and right now I don't. I manage once a month at a push. It's that bad 😪


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## Natthewife (Jun 16, 2014)

Thank you everyone for your replies I appreciate them. Yes I'm a serious thrasher in bed but a very heavy sleeper. He is in a wheelchair, and severe loss of feeling down one side of his body so he is fairly limited on what he can do to help and I understand and am patient with that. I feel he only complains as much as he does due to his low confidence at the minute. His condition wasn't always this bad, he has seriously deteriorated as his condition worsened and he struggles to accept the way it is leaving him. We don't get out to socialise or have dinner anymore so that's hard as we're still young. My 3 eldest are from a past relationship so he's been amazing taking them on as his own. Although sex can feel like a chore I hate that as I genuinely want to be normal, frequent and healthy in that department it's so frustrating for me. He really believes it's all him, that I'm not attracted to a man who is debilitated in some way. I can't make him understand that it's not the case at all. He just doesn't see all that I do for the whole family.


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