# husband and emails



## annmiller16 (Dec 1, 2008)

My husband emails a single woman that I've never met. So far the content is pretty benign except I'm not sure what her intentions are. I think they both are enjoying the attention from one another. He doesn't know that I know about these emails. It appears he would rather that I don't know. Am I justified in feeling that this is wrong for him to do? I don't think that I would do this behind his back. How do I approach this without letting him know that I looked at his email.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

A couple of questions.

How did you find out about the communications?

How are things in your marriage in general?


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## annmiller16 (Dec 1, 2008)

I checked his email. Things seem to be fine in our relationship. He is 79 years old and has always wanted to communicate with women more than men.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Everyone has the right to some privacy in a relationship. Would he be offended that you have checked his email? It is possible that he just sees this as an innocent pen pal correspondence however that he doesn’t wish for you to know about it is a bit off. Have they ever met in person and are they likely to? Why do you suspect her intentions? Since this communications obviously bothers you then you should consider asking him about it. It may be something very innocent and that will allow you to move past it.


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## annmiller16 (Dec 1, 2008)

Dear Amp:
Her replies to his emails are becoming a little friendlier and more personal. Yes, he has met her at a family gathering. In her last email, she indicatated that she was sorry that she didn't get to see him before he left. (He was visiting his home town without me at the time)


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

If the relationship bothers you then you should discuss it with him before it potentially gets more involved. I don’t see anything here that indicates it is inappropriate but it is obviously bothering you so clear the air with your husband in an open and calm discussion. Be prepared as to how you will handle things if he reacts poorly to your looking at his emails.


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## annmiller16 (Dec 1, 2008)

Dear Amp:
Yes, I will take your advice and discuss this with him.


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## missagain (Dec 1, 2008)

I just have a few comments for what they are worth. In my experience I connected with a friend once on the internet via email and it was real fun but it meant nothing. I mean, I didn't have fantasies or anything. I just found it kind of fun to read the emails, know someone thought of me now and then and to send a quick easy email back now and then. One thing about an email friend is they are always on your side when ever you share a problem with them because you only tell your side (of course). But, in reality I knew I was not, in any way showing this person the entire me, and I had no intentions of doing so. It was a light, email, friendship. I didn't want my husband to know about it because he might read more into it than it was and get his feelings hurt or something and it was never intended to be anything but a quick post now and then (we never talked about sex or anything). After a while, the emails come fewer and fewer and now I don't even know the address. I suggest you not worry too much about it. I suggest you "keep looking" but don't worry unless you see they are making plans to meet. If they are meeting somewhere, I suggest you be there to meet them as well, LOL, just my 2 cents.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Normally just an e-mail means nothing. Atleast in that medium you know what both said, not like a phone call.

draconis


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

missagain said:


> I just have a few comments for what they are worth. In my experience I connected with a friend once on the internet via email and it was real fun but it meant nothing. I mean, I didn't have fantasies or anything. I just found it kind of fun to read the emails, know someone thought of me now and then and to send a quick easy email back now and then. One thing about an email friend is they are always on your side when ever you share a problem with them because you only tell your side (of course). But, in reality I knew I was not, in any way showing this person the entire me, and I had no intentions of doing so. It was a light, email, friendship. I didn't want my husband to know about it because he might read more into it than it was and get his feelings hurt or something and it was never intended to be anything but a quick post now and then (we never talked about sex or anything). After a while, the emails come fewer and fewer and now I don't even know the address. I suggest you not worry too much about it. I suggest you "keep looking" but don't worry unless you see they are making plans to meet. If they are meeting somewhere, I suggest you be there to meet them as well, LOL, just my 2 cents.


:iagree: but i admit to talking sex for many reasons.
but nothing came of any of it and it wouldnt . 
some blokes had sexual issues, some needed ideas. it helped my own home issues.


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## blindsided (Nov 29, 2008)

Dear AnnMiller:

I read your email and was immediately reminded of the feeling I got when my husband of 27 years seemed to be having a lot of contact with a coworker......nothing inappropriate really, but the thought did flit through my mind if they could be having an affair....or thinking about it. I dismissed the thought immediately, because I trusted my husband so much. I can't tell you how I regret not trusting my instincts, speaking openly and candidly to my husband, and preventing a very brief and painful affair (painful for both of us). I'm certain if I had just expressed my feelings (before anything actually happened between them), that things would have been different. 

I have learned a lot on this website, and one of those things is that I can't dwell on the "what if".....that is so hard to do. 

The other is that open, honest communication between spouses is so vital. If there is nothing going on, there is nothing to get upset about, right? Spouses should not have secrets from one another. 

I hope you will express your feelings to your husband. Either way, you will know where things stand.


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## annmiller16 (Dec 1, 2008)

to: Blindsided
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I did sit down and discuss this with my husband in a very non accusatory manner but explained to him that I didn't think it was appropriate and I was thought the person he was emailing was getting the idea that he might become more interested in her. I think he liked the idea of the attention he was getting or he's just an idiot and very naive. I explained to him the barometer that I use when I am around the opposit sex without him which is: If I wouldn't say the same thing or act the same if he were there, then it's wrong when he's not there. He agreed and I also (in a joking manner) reminded him that "Anything you can do, I can do better!"


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