# Ex is driving me crazy.



## Butterfly6118 (Nov 24, 2015)

So long story short my husband left my daughter and I for the 4th time now. I thought things were going good but then he up and moved out . He had the car and I had to quit my job because I had no car and now live on social assistance till I can find a job in my rural town. 
Anyway it's been 3 months since he left . This time I was so angry with him I went no contact. He sees our daughter every other Saturday. He picks her up but I choose to stay in the bed room while he does to avoid him. Works great for me. Our daughter doesn't care. I just can't face him. But not only that when he leaves he has a tendency to hit on me and lead me on have a one night stand and it's back to bring separated agsin.
But now he's driving me crazy. He texted me the other day and asked if I still worked and the Dr Office. I said no I had to quit Cuz I had no car. He asks if I had car could I get the job back. Course the answer is no its been filled. So he starts say how I could use his car and he can walk even though he lives 20min away in another town. I said no that's fine. We are fine.
Now he keeps texting me saying he wants to give me $150 EXTRA this month for goceries . I got mad. I mean does he think we have no food we do really well. Dispite being on assistance we are in no way struggling. So I told him that's fine. I did take the 150 just because I am. Fixing up the house and need it to fix the cupboards he ruined in the first place. He doesn't know that thought. 
So on Saturday he had our daughter. He dropped her off aND left and she comes into the room to show me the goceries items dad had sent back with her hamburger fruit snacks crackers and toilet paper. Then he texts me and says that if I want I can give him a list and he will go buy us groceries . I said no that's fine we just went. He says well I will defendantly get u some soon. I told him why don't u just give it to me in cash and we can get our own goceries. 
All this is pissing me off. He just up and left us and thinks he can make thing better by buying us food. I am more than capable of taking care of my daughter aND I . I find all this insulting actually.
But my family and friends are concerned. They feel like he's up to something and could be getting ready to try and come back. Everyone is on agreement on this. I don't see it that way. He's living it up. He's got a tattoo and all this freedom. Doesn't have to deal with the house etc. He's living it up. 
I think 1. He feels guilty. And this is his way of easing his guilty. 2. He has this need to feel needed. And 3 he's trying to get a one night stand everyone says I need to be careful. There is no chance of me taking him back. I don't want to live in a marriage were I will be constantly waiting for him to leave again. After 4 times there is no trust. I want a new life and a chance in the future to find someone great.
I don't know what to think. I am hoping that me turning his offers down that he has gotten the hint and will move on
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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

How much longer do you have to wait until your one year required separation is completed so that you can file for divorce?


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## Butterfly6118 (Nov 24, 2015)

We are only 3 months in.
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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think you have the right idea about divor cing, but why not let him pay for his family instead of the tax payers. He left you with no car? That's crazy. You should see a lawyer.
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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

First off, do not have relations with him, it will lead him on and play with your emotions. If he keeps leaving and coming back, then just stop taking him back. If he feels guilty then let him, but sleeping with him is a big no no right now. What are your plans with this situation?


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## Butterfly6118 (Nov 24, 2015)

Trust me I have no intentions of falling for the one night stand trick.I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot poll. I also habe no intentions of taking him back either. We are 100% done. But he's still Insisting on my goceries. Don't k ow what part of no was unclear.
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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Be careful. In some states sleeping with him or even going to dinner can be used to restart the one year wait. As far as wanting to buy your food and giving you money it could be guilt. I think it has to do with his bottom line once the divorce is done. He can claim that he has been supporting you and your daughter and never really abandoned you two. He is worried about incurring the wrath of the judge because that might have long lasting financial repercussions for him. He can pay a little bit now or potentially pay a lot later. When ever you are trying to figure out his motives think in terms of money. Also if the one year is reset because you let him back in then he could be absolved of this last abandonment as he can then argue that you two were trying to "work" things out. Basically it gives him the chance to leave the right way and not be punished in family court.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

He has a daughter living with you. It's normal for him to want to provide little things here and there on top of what he normally gives you. Let him do it. What's the harm?

It's actually a good thing and it probably won't last


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Well, if he left you and the child, he IS legally supposed to pay child support to you. And if his actions caused your job loss, he should probably be paying spousal support too. So don't feel guilty about taking his money. Take as much as he's willing to give! Find out what the legal amount is based on his salary and make sure he pays at least that much.

It's not about how well you are doing without him. It's about him being legally responsible for supporting his child.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Well, if he left you and the child, he IS legally supposed to pay child support to you. And if his actions caused your job loss, he should probably be paying spousal support too. So don't feel guilty about taking his money. Take as much as he's willing to give! Find out what the legal amount is based on his salary and make sure he pays at least that much.
> 
> It's not about how well you are doing without him. It's about him being legally responsible for supporting his child.


I agree. I know that part of this is your pride--you want to show him that you don't need him. And maybe you don't. But he is obligated to help support his child--and that means paying for food and contributing to pay for the rood over her head and the clothes on her back.

If you let him pay for the stuff that he is supposed to pay for, it may make it easier for you to get back on your feet. Just make sure the money that he gives you goes towards supporting your daughter--don't use it for personal stuff.

Limit discussions to your daughter. Don't talk about anything personal, and DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM AGAIN.


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## Butterfly6118 (Nov 24, 2015)

We are in Canada . So the law is different. U have to be legally separated for 1 year before u can file for a divorce . The separation is voided if we cohabitate for 3 months. 
I know that he might just be trying to help and feels obligated. But knowing him as I do and having been through this with him 4 times now. I can tell you that it's guilt. As to what everyone else thinks about him wanting to come back. I disagree with them. He's living it up. 
And yes I refuse his money and yes it has some to do with pride. We in no way need his money . We ae not suggling. All I want from him is what the judge tells him to pay. He wants to feel needed. And he's not. So I refuse to encourage him. He can live with his guilt. By food for us does nor even come close to making up for the hurt and pain he's caused us. And I refuse to touch him with a ten foot pole.
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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I actually think he is trying to cover his ass. What other people think of him is more important to him then you or his daughter. He is just trying to get other people to think better of him. As in "look at me, I am such a great guy I am actually paying 150 dollars more then I need to".

Don't give him a cheap "I feel good about myself" prize. For what 3 months tops.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Butterfly6118 said:


> We are in Canada . So the law is different. U have to be legally separated for 1 year before u can file for a divorce . The separation is voided if we cohabitate for 3 months.
> I know that he might just be trying to help and feels obligated. But knowing him as I do and having been through this with him 4 times now. I can tell you that it's guilt. As to what everyone else thinks about him wanting to come back. I disagree with them. He's living it up.
> And yes I refuse his money and yes it has some to do with pride. We in no way need his money . We ae not suggling. All I want from him is what the judge tells him to pay. He wants to feel needed. And he's not. So I refuse to encourage him. He can live with his guilt. By food for us does nor even come close to making up for the hurt and pain he's caused us. And I refuse to touch him with a ten foot pole.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have no car, no job, and are living off public assistance. Yes, you do need his money. My advice would be to ignore his intentions and accept the money for your daughter (not for you). 

Does he pay child support?


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Butterfly, I admire your spirit. You're right, you don't need him. You are on your way to a life without him. And it will be a good life! 

Now, you do need money. He is the father of your daughter and as such, he is responsible for her well-being. He is going to need to put some money in the pot to care for her. It's a legal and moral obligation. 

I recommend that you shift your thinking; you are doing fine with what you have, AND you are also making plans to make things better for you and your daughter, yes? It doesn't really matter what his intentions are for giving you extra money. It matters what YOU think about it, though. 

Take it and use it to get yourself to a stronger place of independence. Stash it for a down payment or outright purchase of a car so you can get good work. Or maybe you can use it to help you move into a town with more work. Whatever your plans are, he is giving you money that you can use to help further them along. 

He broke his promises to you by leaving. His actions put you behind the eight-ball, so to speak. I think you feel that you owe him something if you take his money, or maybe by accepting his money you are staying dependent on him. I understand, I personally really hate being dependent on another person financially, and it's one of the best feelings for me as an adult that I am self-sufficient in this realm. It's fair to take his offer and use it to get financially stable. He might intend to keep you dependent, but it doesn't mean you have to use his money to stay dependent. 

Obviously, don't do something stupid like take his extra money and blow it on frivolous things. Use it wisely.

He is legally going to be required to support his child. It's up to you, though, to get off public assistance and to become self-sufficient. Even though he has the obligation to pay, many parents end up not paying. You do not want to be in a place where you need those payments to keep a roof over your head, food on the table, etc. 

Get a plan in place and go to it. You don't need to tell him about it, in fact, I wouldn't. He doesn't need to know and if he did, he might change his strategy. Don't give him the opportunity to screw anything else up for you. Just get it going so that you have a map to get yourself back on your feet. It's going to be a lot easier depending on yourself than your flaky, unstable, unreliable soon-to-be-ex-husband!


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