# Advice from total strangers? Why not!



## Mucc (Oct 13, 2015)

So... separation...divorce... all that stuff you don't want to go through in life. 


I am fairly young-ish. I have a pretty solid career/ I am successful etc. have my life in order except of course for my relationship status. I have a pretty solid circle of friends/family/support systems. 

I was with my stbx for a total of 2 years - married for just 1. I have now been separated for 7 months. Yes, it sucked. Yes, I wish I didn't have to learn the lesson the hard way. We have no children. We have no joint assets. Waiting to file, since in my country you have to be separated 1 year. 

Emotionally, I am doing OKAY-ish. Most days I am pretty good but every now and then i have a low day. I try to deal with it by either being emotional/distraction with work/sometimes hanging out with friends if one is available. I don't really have trouble being alone/single. My work is pretty hectic and takes up most of my time. 

So this guy asked me out to a date the other day. And I thought - well I am not doing much over the weekend, so why the heck not? Plus it boosted my self esteem slightly - you guys know how your self esteem about dating takes a hit when your marriage breaks down and all. Also, kind of gets you back into the habit of being on first dates? 

I sort of enjoyed my time with this guy - we only had coffee and general conversation. So he went on and asked me out on a dinner date - and i went, well because I enjoyed his company. When it came up though, I did make him aware of my legal and emotional situation. He seemed to not really be bothered by my separated status. I mean its not like we are getting married, we just had two dates etc. 

I have no intention of being in a super serious relationship right away (I'm actually sort of afraid to take that sort of plunge given my experience). I made him aware of that. He said he understands and if I am okay with it, he would like to continue seeing me to get to know me because he thinks I am pretty cool. 

Anyway, here is my issue. I don't really have the history of dating multiple people at a time. Like I date one person at a time and then its sort of exclusive? no? Maybe its too soon to be in an exclusive-ish relationship? But then maybe I am overthinking this and I should just go have some good time at a few dates. Who knows maybe by date #4 I won't even like him? 

What does the wise world of internet think? 

Thank you!


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

I think you're over thinking. 

No decision needs to be made at this time, keep on seeing him and things will either click and fall into place or they won't. Meanwhile don't be so quick to hang up on any other online dating prospects you might have. 

It's ok to be in contact with several people at the same time until and unless you have the "exclusive" talk and both agree to pull down your dating profiles.

Assume he's chatting with other woman. It's one of those "don't put all your eggs in one basket" type of things.


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## Mucc (Oct 13, 2015)

Oh I should clarify, I didn't meet him online. We met via a common friend. So I know he's not seeing other women at this time from a reliable source. 

Regardless, I agree that there is no need to be exclusive unless we have the talk. I just am one of those people. To be honest, its hard enough for me to make time for one person with my job, forget trying to see multiple people. So I usually deal with one person at a time.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

I agree with browser... too many minds.

Have a date, have fun... as was suggested, don't over think it.... you may discover your blessings displacing your problems.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Remember the point of dating is to decide if this person is worthy. You are the catch. Take your time and have fun. Most of all look for character.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Why is it only 7 months separated? Back on Oct 2015 you posted you were separated for 3 weeks. It should be over a year by now.


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## Mucc (Oct 13, 2015)

I did separate once last october and went back for 6 months to give it a second try. It didn't work out. But it did help me walk away without regrets, knowing that I gave it everything. Oh well...


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Go for it! I started dating a week after being separated and sleeping with someone else. I didn't have sex for over 4 years with my ex wife before I left her, but that's for another thread. Life is short and tomorrow is not promised!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since you are not divorced yet and have not even filed for divorce, what are the laws where you live about dating while still married? It could easily be taken as infidelity. Is divorce there no-fault? Or could our soon to be ex (STBX) use your dating to get an upper hand in the divorce?


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## Mucc (Oct 13, 2015)

Divorce is no fault by law in Canada. Infidelity, if proven could allow you to file for divorce earlier than one year. If I could file earlier, I would. But we had no infidelity in our marriage. 

Anyway, we don't have kids and we don't share assets, and he makes more money than I do (at this time at least). I also returned all the expensive and non-expensive items of jewellery/clothing/accessories him or his family gave me. So I guess having an upper hand in divorce wouldn't give him anything. And I am not money minded. I just want to move on with my life.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Here is my general rule when dating....if I'm going to have sex with someone, I have to know them well enough by the time we do it that we have had talks about important things, such as:

STD's, have you been tested, have you ever had one, do you use condoms, etc.

Expectations, sexually speaking and otherwise...ie: is this person's dating goal to be married or just having fun or what.

Exclusivity...if I'm going to have sex with someone, then I for sure need to know they are not having sex with anyone else and I am not, either. So usually this is the point when the exclusivity discussion happens.

It takes a bit of time to get to the above discussions.

In the meantime, I'm free and they are free to date others. I don't ask any questions (or at least, nothing specific). If I find they are assuming we are exclusive but in my world we are not, I make this clear so there is no confusion on either part.


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