# Girlfriend Drops A Bomb Post Breakup



## WilliamPenn (Nov 15, 2014)

Hey there TAM/LAD...

I have something that's been bothering me the last couple of weeks and need some perspective. Perhaps this can help someone else too.

I was dating a woman for a year after my divorce until mid-September until she broke up with me because she wanted to try being on her own and that we both deserved to be happy. I was okay with the split since she had become very needy at the end and I wasn't wiling or able to settle down. 

So, after going no contact for six weeks, she calls me to make arrangements to pick up some furniture at my place. During our call, she proceeds to tell me that the real reason she wanted to break up was to explore her feelings for another guy.

WTF? Why after we are broken up did she feel the need to tell me that? We were done. She made some BS excuse about not wanting to be surprised if I ever saw them together. She lives an hour away and I most likely, unless a random chance encounter, would never see her ever again, so that's obviously a really crappy excuse. 

Obviously she had a guilty conscience. But I'm so pissed off that she dropped a bomb on me like that. It's just doesn't fit her character. 

So when she came to pick up her stuff I was friendly but all-business. I didn't want to make a scene in front of her family. I immediately went no contact again but this has been driving me crazy. I really cared for this woman and its left me a little bitter and resentful.

Any thoughts on an ulterior motive or was she just clearing her guilty conscience?

Thanks - Bill Penn


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She probably posted on a forum that she cheated on you and they told her to confess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WilliamPenn said:


> Any thoughts on an ulterior motive or was she just clearing her guilty conscience?


I think it was her guilty conscience. Plus, it may be that they are in really deep already or she really likes this guy if she was saying that she didn't want you to be surprised if you saw them together.

I had an ex tell me some things I would have rather never known AFTER we broke up and I could never understand it because it really upset me. I will never know why he did it as it hurt me deeply. But, probably a guilty conscience. 

Good thing is now you are free to pursue someone else or just be alone for awhile. You said yourself you weren't willing or able to settle down with her so it sounds like it was all for the best that you broke up with her.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There might be a few rare exceptions but in general, when a woman is in a relationship and decides she wants "space", she almost always has someone else in mind to share that space with. 

She wanted a commitment and you dragged your heels. She found someone new and just wanted to rub it in your face a little. "You didn't want me but this other dude does, so THERE!" Shrug it off, count your blessings, and forget about it. She's some other guy's problem, now. She helped you get past the first year of your divorce. She served her purpose. Now that you are single, learn to live in your own skin for a while. Right after a divorce is no time to be getting serious about another woman, anyway.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Unbelievable is right in my opinion. Consider this a blessing in disguise. You said it yourself, she had become needy and you were not ready to settle down. Use what you learned, and make a more informed choice next time.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Perhaps she just has really bad boundaries and it didn't occur to her not to over-share. Some people are like that - little tact, little emotional awareness, no real thought to how they impact others. As she was apparently shopping for your replacement prior to your breakup, I think poor boundaries and low empathy are probably fairly likely. 

Of course it's also possible this was nothing more than a "see, someone wants me even if you don't" attention grab.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

sucks..but that's dating. what's the alternative? 

1. she could have told you at the time, "Hey, I like you, but I want to try out another guy for awhile, are you cool with that?"...No (hell no)

2. she could have cheated (and maybe she did)...No (hell no)^2

3. she could have ignored her feelings for the other guy (ok for you, probably not for her)

IF she could develop feelings for another guy, while WITH you, that's a good sign to end the relationship.

so, it sucks, but it's better than getting married, having kids, then have it happen


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You know, if there's one thing I've learned in all of these single years is to stop analyzing the why. And that is TOUGH for women! Or maybe just me.

Why doesn't matter. I could speculate and come up with several different possible whys. In the end none of them matter.

1. Guilty conscience. Felt she owed you more explanation.
2. Sh*t test. Wanted to see if you would 'fight' for her.
3. Just wanted to show you she is wanted. Maybe she really thought you would protest more at the breakup or exhibit more emotion and is disappointed you didn't mean more to her or mean enough for you to be really broken up about it.
4. It felt awkward to her and she was making conversation and it's a simple case of foot-in-mouth.

The end result is the same. The 'why' doesn't matter. Whether or not these other feelings pan out, her feelings for you weren't strong enough to make the cut and it's over. And it seems yours weren't that strong, either.

Next.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> You know, if there's one thing I've learned in all of these single years is to stop analyzing the why.


Man, that is some good advice. 

:smthumbup:



EnjoliWoman said:


> The end result is the same. The 'why' doesn't matter. Whether or not these other feelings pan out, her feelings for you weren't strong enough to make the cut and it's over. And it seems yours weren't that strong, either.
> 
> Next.


Exactly.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Next.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> You know, if there's one thing I've learned in all of these single years is to stop analyzing the why. And that is TOUGH for women! Or maybe just me.
> 
> Why doesn't matter. I could speculate and come up with several different possible whys. In the end none of them matter.
> 
> ...



Man, this is a great answer. 

I had my thoughts about how to reply as soon as I read the OP then I read this. 

Except, it does matter. At least in so far as how you interpret her actions. 

My initial feeling was that she told you this to get a reaction from you that would make her feel wanted. Even if she had already made up her mind to move on. It's selfish and needy, just as you said she was. 

It's important to analyze on your part so you know what to look out for moving forward. The why's don't matter within the relationship but they do serve a purpose in your growth - in your internal selection process.


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## TroyN (Jan 24, 2014)

WilliamPenn said:


> So, after going no contact for six weeks, she calls me to make arrangements to pick up some furniture at my place. During our call, she proceeds to tell me that the real reason she wanted to break up was to explore her feelings for another guy.


What a b!tch. She did that to hurt you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WilliamPenn said:


> I was dating a woman for a year after my divorce until mid-September until she broke up with me because she wanted to try being on her own and that we both deserved to be happy. I was okay with the split since she had become very needy at the end and I wasn't wiling or able to settle down.


Hm... so you were dating her but did not care enough about her to want to settle down with her.

But now you are all upset because she realized that you were not all that into her.

I think she told you that to let you know that she is a desirable woman.

I don't understand why you even care why she broke up with you. It's not like you were in love with her or she was the love of your life.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Enjoli nailed it. Don't waste your precious moments in life trying to figure out the logic of crazy people.

Be thankful you got out of that train wreck, and learn something from your mistakes so you don't do it again.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

WilliamPenn said:


> Hey there TAM/LAD...
> 
> I have something that's been bothering me the last couple of weeks and need some perspective. Perhaps this can help someone else too.
> 
> ...


It sorta/kinda/maybe doesnt really matter.
You COULD ask her, but to what end?

If she was doing the "grass is greener" thing, then she was already telling herself half truths and wandering about in the fog.
In her mind she may have even thought she "was doing you a favor by letting you know that it was someone else and you couldnt compete with that." 

Its over.
Let it slide off you and go about your business.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Agree with others. You dodged a bullet with this one. On to the next one and don't worry about people who clearly didn't worry about you. 

Next!


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I agree, she showed you why she wasn't worth having around. Consider yourself lucky.


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