# He thinks I'm gullible



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

A few weeks ago husband had to take his truck to dealership to change fuel pump, and belts. His brother is a mechanic there, he does all our auto work.

H calls me to say it's costing him $450.00. I don't know how much parts, and labor costs. I say ok pay them. He has to have his truck. He calls me back somewhat upset to say the debit, and credit card isn't working wth is wrong? I asure him we have money, and it must be their machine. I tell him to go to the bank which is 3 buildings down. He says bank is closed. It is 4:22, I'm not sure if bank closes at 4 or 5. I tell him to see if they will let him drive truck home, and pay them tomorrow. He says they won't, bill has to be paid when you pick up your auto.
I tell him his brother is the head mechanic, been there 15 years. He says no exceptions, they want their money. He tells me he will call me back.

I get off phone thinking oh great $450, and now I have to deal with the bank, as well as the visa co. Just one more thing I have to take care of. My stress level is rising somewhat.

H calls back. He's laughing says he's been playing with me. The truck is fixed it cost $120, he used the debit card. He wanted to see if I could come up with a solution for every problem he tthrew at me. He didn't come out and call me dumb, but said he couldn't believe I fell for it, $450 was to much. Like I know how much a freakin fuel pump cost.

I didn't think this was funny.  I tore into him. You MFn jerkoff, as well as a few other names. He has me on speaker phone so all the men, and a few women are now laughing saying man you are in the doghouse dude. I just hung up.

He knows:
this causes me stress
I don't like to be embarrassed
I am a very private person. I don't air our business in public.
I don't like these silly games.

He gets home saying I can't help if you are so "gullible" Why:scratchhead: because I believe what my husband tells me. I didn't know I had to be on guard for lies. He tells me that I've been gullible thruout our marriage, 15yrs.

Problem now. I find myself on guard, wondering is this a setup, a story, a lie. I'm doubting even the smallest things he says. For him to believe I'm gullible he would have had to lie to me, and apparently I believed him. 

I don't believe everything that others tell me, but why wouldn't I believe the man I married. My fault is I believe him to much, and trust him to much. That is what I got out of it.

I am wondering why would he tell me this? Is he foolish enough to "cut his own throat" so to speak.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

The word "Jacka$$" comes to mind pretty quickly...


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think this is a form of mental abuse. 

You know when someone says something stupid or rude and then laughs and the people around them feel uncomfortable but laugh too. I bet that is what was happening at the shop. I bet the people listening on speaker phone at the shop think he is an ******* and are glad they aren't married to him.


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## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

4sure said:


> He didn't come out and call me dumb, but said he couldn't believe I fell for it, $450 was to much.


He's right, that's way too much. But:




> I didn't think this was funny.  I tore into him. You MFn jerkoff, as well as a few other names. He has me on speaker phone so all the men, and a few women are now laughing saying man you are in the doghouse dude. I just hung up.


You got set up. And so did your husband, too, he just didn't realize it. "Hey dude you should totally do something really mean to your wife and then let us watch what happens! It'll be so funny (but not for you!)"

But:



> because I believe what my husband tells me. *I didn't know I had to be on guard for lies*...
> 
> Problem now. I find myself on guard, wondering is this a setup, a story, a lie. *I'm doubting even the smallest things he says*. For him to believe I'm gullible he would have had to lie to me, and apparently I believed him.
> 
> I don't believe everything that others tell me, but why wouldn't I believe the man I married... Is he foolish enough to "*cut his own throat*" so to speak.


Whoa. Hold on. I think somebody just pushed a button, only they didn't know it was marked "explode". In good news, it seems like you finally learned you have trust issues. Calm down. He wanted to get a rise out of you.

It's bullying behavior but obviously anger isn't enough for him, you need to come back icy with some sharp statement (not "witty and edgy" but "edge" as in "I'm going to push your buttons back because I'm a cold-blooded sociopath")



> He tells me that I've been gullible thruout our marriage, 15yrs.


Both you and I might be reading too much into this, but maybe there's a reason you have trust issues.

IDK your circumstances, though. Right now I kind of think it sounds like your husband was being mean to you and teasing you in a way that wasn't okay. You don't get to *make* someone the butt of your joke--you let them *choose* to be.

That's why ATM I'd be careful about worrying about affairs, addiction to Skittlebrau, etc., etc., b/c the boundary your husband crossed wasn't about getting something he felt 'entitled' to regardless of you, it was about hurting your feelings to hurt your feelings. there could be more to it than that, but there's enough in that dynamic that it could be a thing all by its lonesome.

I'm going to guess he didn't expect you to get really suspicious. I'd say in the meantime, BTFO about that, b/c it's only going to make it worse. He knows he can **** w/ you on this and it really get a rise, so don't give him any reason escalate the sadistic behavior.

In fact, just back the f_ck off in general. Let him know it wasn't okay by withdrawing.

It's definitely bullying behavior. ("Fitness test" in these parts) If he thinks you're gullible, there's a way to let you know that that's not so heavy-handed. It'd be one thing if you knew you were gullible and could laugh about it, but obviously, you can't.

It's also wrong for him to do that in front of other people. A little bit is okay. But ****ing w/ you like this isn't.

At the same time, it's possible that his family teases a lot and so he has much firmer boundaries and defenses about this sort of thing. My family was like that, and to a lesser extent my friends are, too, and I saw pretty quickly that what was perfectly normal, even affectionate, to me, was hurtful to my wife. My rule now is that I have to see how someone else is going to tease me, and then I can figure out what's okay.

It's a little odd to me that after 15 years this is the first time you've been upset by having been bullied.


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## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> I think this is a form of mental abuse.
> 
> You know when someone says something stupid or rude and then laughs and the people around them feel uncomfortable but laugh too. I bet that is what was happening at the shop. I bet the people listening on speaker phone at the shop think he is an ******* and are glad they aren't married to him.



This. I'd guess that OP's husband and her BIL are the only people who thought this was funny. "Ha ha you're in the doghouse [b/c you're an _sshole]".

Which is why at some point you need to actually work this out, which might mean 'talking', it might mean doing less stuff for your husband, it might mean not being as affectionate physically, etc. I bet he doesn't think he did anything wrong, and won't, if there aren't consequences. Be clear, though, on what wasn't okay.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Turn it around on him. Tell him since you are not gullible and clearly he has no issue with lying to you, make him believe you don't trust him anymore. Let him sleep in the bed he made. Demand to see his cell, receipts, know his every whereabouts, question him about everything and do this for about a month. Seems fair. 
Yes, he slit his own throat.


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## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

Brennan said:


> Turn it around on him. Tell him since you are not gullible and clearly he has no issue with lying to you, make him believe you don't trust him anymore. Let him sleep in the bed he made. Demand to see his cell, receipts, know his every whereabouts, question him about everything and do this for about a month. Seems fair.
> Yes, he slit his own throat.


:iagree:

I'd change one thing:

"Honey, you're right. I'm really gullible. Can you hand me a dictionary? Someone told me that word isn't in it. [Look at dictionary]. Gee, look, there it is. Well, that's why I'm going to need to see all of your reciepts and cell phone calls and know where you're going whenever you're away. I'm sorry that this has to be so difficult, but you should have known that us gullible people need to look into things extra-close."

Then, of course, go ahead and do it.

Then you get consequences and get to take control of being the butt of the joke, too.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Unfortunately, some people have an odd sense of humor that is usually at someone else's expense.

My husband can be just this type of jacka$$ too and he thinks it's funny also. 

And I don't.

You can do like I do - just ignore it.

I tried talking about it, but he just says - you just don't have a sense of humor, other people think I'm funny.

Then perhaps he should have married THEM.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Bleh, this sounds like something my husband would have done a couple of years ago. I can't give great advice, because I fight fire with water. And he ends up looking RIDICULOUS every time. And I walk away laughing. My H tried to embarass me once by calling me when I had the flu and telling me he was going out drinking with the guys ( I was on speaker phone BTW) so he could get a reaction out of me. Of course I said WTF I am sick, get home a**. So he fires back with laughter in the backround " ha ha, I got you babe, you fell for it" but for some reason when I retorted back with " just like all this time you believed you were the kids biological father?" IT STOPPED BEING FUNNY FOR HIM RIGHT THEN. Amazingly enough, all his friends were still laughing.

On a side note, I really don't recommend that route LOL.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Ive been called gullible and people try to play with me, too. My H included. My H thought it was pretty funny too until i told him that its not me that's being played. He's just too naive to realize that gullible simply means I dont care enough about what you're saying to put any real thought into it. 

My brother also thinks im gullible. i think its cute that they actually think i remember what they said two minutes after they say it. i go with it simply because i could care less about what they're saying.


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## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

I didn't know anyone put up w/ this type of thing. I think what happened was one AM I said something to my wife, she glared at me and suddenly I thought "I'm acting like my father", which was enough for me to see the error of my ways.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

That whole scenario would have royally ticked me off. And don't call me gullible when you're the one playing games with my head. 'Scuse me for trusting what you say as the truth. Won't make that mistake again. I can appreciate some good natured teasing, but opening me up for ridicule is past that. 

Sometimes you have to speak the same language they're speaking. It's the only way they'll get it. Unfortunately, that might mean turning the tables on him. I'd tell him we're $500 overdrawn on the checking account, and then when he starts nutting out I'd let him rant a bit, then tell him he's been had. Tit for tat? Probably. If talking to him isn't getting anywhere, then you're going to have to speak a different "language". I'd also record that reaction with my cell phone and tell him I'm going to post it on Facebook. Maybe it is so much game playing, but if you've tried to talk to him and have gotten nowhere, then game on! Let's play.

FWIW, this year we had to replace the fuel pump on both of our vehicles. It was around the $400 mark each time. I called around and got estimates from every shop in town..and this was what we ended up with.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

The funny thing being - is that they "think" we're gullible and clueless - wouldn't they be shocked to find out how truly "smart" we actually are...?


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Less Disgruntled

I have been mad before that is why he knows not to go there. It makes me so mad I want to hurt that man. I can be a cut-throat B but I choose not to be. I hate that trait in me, and have worked so hard to change it.

I am embarrassed at the cursing, I normally don't use cuss words. I am ticked that I allowed him to cause me to lose control. But then again he knew I would.

I have been distant since this happened. I feel like he stabbed me in the back. He has told me a few things that has happened to him at work. I said "sure I bet" never asked questions. I kinda blew him off.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Blanca said:


> Ive been called gullible and people try to play with me, too. My H included. My H thought it was pretty funny too until i told him that its not me that's being played. He's just too naive to realize that gullible simply means I dont care enough about what you're saying to put any real thought into it.
> 
> My brother also thinks im gullible. i think its cute that they actually think i remember what they said two minutes after they say it. i go with it simply because i could care less about what they're saying.


Maybe that is why he thinks I'm gullible because I am like that. I am laid back, don't let to much bother me. That got to me. He was mean for no reason.

When he told me $450, ok pay them. What did he think I was gonna do start screamin at him. Why he has no control over the fuel pump going out.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

major misfit said:


> That whole scenario would have royally ticked me off. And don't call me gullible when you're the one playing games with my head. 'Scuse me for trusting what you say as the truth. Won't make that mistake again. I can appreciate some good natured teasing, but opening me up for ridicule is past that.
> 
> Sometimes you have to speak the same language they're speaking. It's the only way they'll get it. Unfortunately, that might mean turning the tables on him. I'd tell him we're $500 overdrawn on the checking account, and then when he starts nutting out I'd let him rant a bit, then tell him he's been had. Tit for tat? Probably. If talking to him isn't getting anywhere, then you're going to have to speak a different "language". I'd also record that reaction with my cell phone and tell him I'm going to post it on Facebook. Maybe it is so much game playing, but if you've tried to talk to him and have gotten nowhere, then game on! Let's play.
> 
> ...


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

4sure said:


> I don't want to turn the tables. We did so early on in our marriage. This game for us is very dangerous. I turn, then he. Neither will back down. It doesn't end pretty.


Still, I'd be tempted to pull the money from the checking accout the next time he goes to buy a big ticket account. When he calls, say, "I'm learning not to be so gullible. You'll have to show me an itemized bill before I let you spend again."


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