# What do you think about marrying your first boyfriend / girlfriend?



## Lifeisquick

I figure this is a good place to ask. 



Last part of option three is a joke...


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## cesolomon

I did it! We are heading toward our 40th. We were 17.


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## Blanca

cesolomon said:


> I did it! We are heading toward our 40th. We were 17.


Wow! that's awesome!


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## Lifeisquick

wow thats amazing... whats that like...arent you ever curious about other people?


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## voivod

cesolomon said:


> I did it! We are heading toward our 40th. We were 17.


that is AWESOME!!!! congrats!


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## cesolomon

We've had our problems. Actually we married each other twice. We had some issues in the first ten years. But our kids are grown and gone and we are having the best time. Have I ever wondered what it would be like with someone else?? Of course I have. Everyone does. But that's as far as it ever went. We just make sure each other is satisfied and "WE PICK OUR BATTLES".


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## voivod

cesolomon said:


> We've had our problems. Actually we married each other twice. We had some issues in the first ten years. But our kids are grown and gone and we are having the best time. Have I ever wondered what it would be like with someone else?? Of course I have. Everyone does. But that's as far as it ever went. We just make sure each other is satisfied and "WE PICK OUR BATTLES".


so wait a second...you guys married, divorced, and remarried? holy smokes there's a good reconciliation story in there somewhere. please share. give us hope!


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## cesolomon

Don't You remember this post?? LOL

Apparently you misunderstood my reply. I met my husband when I was 15 years old. We were married when we were 17. He was very jealous and distrustful. For several years it was "cute". But then it got worse. After 11 years, it was to the point where I didn't think I could take it. I had never been on my own and as long as I had doubts about leaving, I wouldn't leave. Then one day, after continuous fights and accusations for something I had never done or even thought about doing, we had a stupid little argument over his dirty socks in the floor. During that fight, all my doubts about leaving left. We didn't beat each other, it was all verbal altercations. That one stupid little fight drove all the doubt away and I gathered up my two kids and left. We got a divorce. He was a good father and he loved our kids as much as I did. I probably spent more "quality" time with him when we were separated than I did the last few years we were married since there was no reason to fight anymore. We got back together, I moved back home and we lived together six years before we remarried because I was afraid that once we had that legal document he would turn back into the old him. The last 28 years have been the happiest of our lives. Our kids are grown and we are enjoying ourselves.

That's why I said that if there are any doubts about leaving, don't do it. It could be a big mistake and you would always ask yourself if it was the right thing to do. Once something happens to erase that doubt, then get out. It might work where you get back together or it might not.


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## voivod

cesolomon said:


> Don't You remember this post?? LOL
> 
> Apparently you misunderstood my reply. I met my husband when I was 15 years old. We were married when we were 17. He was very jealous and distrustful. For several years it was "cute". But then it got worse. After 11 years, it was to the point where I didn't think I could take it. I had never been on my own and as long as I had doubts about leaving, I wouldn't leave. Then one day, after continuous fights and accusations for something I had never done or even thought about doing, we had a stupid little argument over his dirty socks in the floor. During that fight, all my doubts about leaving left. We didn't beat each other, it was all verbal altercations. That one stupid little fight drove all the doubt away and I gathered up my two kids and left. We got a divorce. He was a good father and he loved our kids as much as I did. I probably spent more "quality" time with him when we were separated than I did the last few years we were married since there was no reason to fight anymore. We got back together, I moved back home and we lived together six years before we remarried because I was afraid that once we had that legal document he would turn back into the old him. The last 28 years have been the happiest of our lives. Our kids are grown and we are enjoying ourselves.
> 
> That's why I said that if there are any doubts about leaving, don't do it. It could be a big mistake and you would always ask yourself if it was the right thing to do. Once something happens to erase that doubt, then get out. It might work where you get back together or it might not.


aww, you could have said "dirty socks" and i'd have remembered. anyway...

congrats on 40 yrs!

i'm gonna repair my marriage and i hope to live to a 40th anniversary. i actually pledged to hit 50 when i was rehabbing!


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## AZMOMOFTWO

I did .... sort of. I had dated a few others before my husband but was 16 when we got together. We have been together 23 years. This year we hit a big bump in the road for the first time ever but we are working it out and things are really on track. It was that foundation that we had built a friendship that allowed us to work past issues. Sometimes you just know when you found "the one". Interesting though...we went to my high school prom together, his parents went to their prom together, and my dad took my mom to her prom. We are all still married. I have all three photos, I really need to frame these and put them on the wall.


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## Amplexor

I was very much in love and thought about marring right out of college. But she just wasn’t the right girl and I’m glad I realized that. While my marriage has its problems now we have been together for over 20 years. If I’d married my first love it wouldn’t have lasted 5.


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## swedish

I met my ex in high school, dated for 7 years, separated after 1 year of marriage, reconciled and went on to have 3 kids & divorced after 12 years of marriage. I think a lot of it has to do with the maturity of the couple when they meet and marry. If one or both are not mature enough to be in a giving marriage it eventually takes its toll.

My grandparents had an arranged marriage (my grandmother was 15) and they lasted til death do you part...both in their late 90's. The love and respect for one another was there until the end


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## humpty dumpty

met my husband when i was 13/14 married at 19 and loving every moment still 19 years later ...
we have had problems and yes ive thrown a plate !! lol !! but we work through things talk and communicate and off course its great to make up !!


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## drakefan92

Wow! You're guy's stories GMH.  

Marriage is tough. I've witnessed many marriages come crashing down to the ground. It's so amazing to be able to say you've made it to the 40th anniversary.  I hope one day I can say that.
I've met a guy who is perfect. I love him and I am only 18. I've had doubts bout marrying very early and getting married to the first actual boyfriend. But these stories on here are proof that with patience and communication from both the husband and wife a marriage can last.


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## cb45

uhhhh drake, u r reading alittle too much into the minority magical 40yrs here.
key words: "magical" & "minority"

i also noticed they were divorced(?)& then got back together
once more. darn glad 4 them n kids it worked out.

the rest of us know too many other stories of the negative kind.
e.g., i know of a couple marr'd for 31yrs, $$, no kids to raise/interfere, (cept hers from a previous marr) their own biz
the works etc. now she wants a divorce cuz hes a party-pooper(hows that 4 a reason gals?)who doesnt want to do anything but help set up n maintain her biz and only go out
1-2x a wk for country dancing etc. he's comin around to accepting divorce as he tells it, she's all in his personal biz or
phone calls, while she goes to another rm w/ her phone calls.

now, shes the life of the party to most of us who only get to see her this way, on a limited basis. but live w/ her? sheesh!
so it must be him is what most folk, "in the know" would say.

this story is one of many norms in marriage land, be 1st or 5th marr that they are in.

i would venture a guess that most "sweetheart" marr's dont 
work out 'cuz of the immaturity factor, and the growth development factor for most of us when 18-25yrs of age.

fortunately/unfortunately(?)4 me, when i was in college i met
and dated the sweetest of sweetie pie gals u could want to meet. we were "hot" for each other and used to both "cum in our jeans" as its said, 'cuz she wanted to honor/keep her virginity and i didnt want to forcibly take it either. 

anyways, i felt like she was def big time marr material. but i wasnt ready for marr. i knew i had rocky rds to explore n fail on
and i didnt want to drag her down/along w/ me.

could it have worked for us? no. not then. the %'s dont lie my friends. only if i were as mature as i am now, armed w/ the nknowledge of life's experiences, and she likewise, could we make it then, or even now if the magical attraction was/is still there.

so happy 40th


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## youngandconfusedgirl

So, I'm an 18 year old girl in her first relationship. I have never dated in any way what so ever before this. My boyfriend is absolutely wonderful, and I truly do love him. He says he loves me too, and he seems to truly do so. I am most definitely not his first girlfriend. Thus, he has something to compare his feelings in the relationship to, but I don't. I'm kind of scared that I don't feel as strongly as he does, since I don't actually have anything to compare how I feel to. 

This wouldn't be a problem, except that he says he is probably enlisting in the army in a year or two, and if he does, he wants to marry me (to give me security, so we can be buried next to each other eventually, etc.). He is convinced that we are going to stay together for the rest of our lives, and while I would love for that to happen the way I'm feeling right now, I really don't have a clue how I'll feel in a few years. I keep reminding him that we're both young, not even out of high school yet, but he's very convinced. He's not being pushy about possible marriage thing, but still. He asked. What do I do? :scratchhead:


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## Stonewall

cesolomon said:


> I did it! We are heading toward our 40th. We were 17.


We did it too! Also 17 and headed for our 35th!


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## SimplyAmorous

Me & mine only had "puppy love" encounters , him 2 Gf's before me that amounted to nearly nothing and me at 15, what did I experience, not too much , a handful of Bf's in school since the 5th grade, and never on a real date -alone , in a car. So I guess we quality, I was 15, he was 18.

My grandmother always pounded it into me to "play the field" before I married, this must have struck a cord with me becaues after he gave me a ring, I started to feel unsettled ...like I have never dated at all ,how can I be sure ?! A friend of my Aunts wanted to take me out, I explained to my bf I NEEDED to find myself and know what I TRULY wanted before I walked down that aisle. It broke his heart but I explained I was just unsure , so I gave him his ring back and went out with that guy. I am so very thankful I had that experience. I realized through that , how much I loved and missed my 1st love. We were only apart maybe a month. I can't even remember. 

Got back together, planned our wedding, and have been togehter for a total of 30 yrs (22 married), I wouldn't trade him for anyone in this world and having only been with each other, there is a specialness there that can not even be described. 

My 14 yr old son is head over heels with this cute girl that is wild about him, I know it is possible to end up with a 1st love, so I find myself wondering from time to time...hmmm what if this lasts forever, how sweet it will be. 

But it is RARE -I believe.


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## heartsbeating

^ I always love reading SA's posts.


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## jayde

I first saw my wife in elementary school and thought she was the cutest. When I saw her years after college, my heart still flittered and fluttered. I dumped the gf and started seeing her. It's very sappy and romantic (I think) which makes me hope that our marriage survives or I think it would make it that much more sad.


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## heartsbeating

Hubs and I were each others first relationship too. He'd had some casual girlfriends. I'd had flirtations but was very picky and somewhat protective of myself. I also had this whole "I'm independent and don't need a boyfriend" vibe going on. 

I did wonder for a short time before I met hubs, if I was falling in love with a guy I'd had a crush on. We started dating. He was only a year or two older than me, so still living at home. After a month, he asked me to move out with him and get a place together. I declined. I felt we were too young, I didn't want to be "trapped". His parents had taken a shine to me in that short time as well. He'd told me his mother could imagine us being married. We never broke up, we just drifted after I told him I wasn't ready to walk that path. It was then I realized that I wasn't falling in love. Yes, I was enamored by him as we were young and he'd pick me up in his car and sing The Doors to me .....it was the one band we agreed upon so he always had their tapes at the ready, then look over at me when he was driving and sing. We'd talk for hours, he felt we were kindred spirits. He was a fantastic guy (and a great singer!) but I felt no hesitation in knowing we had a different timing to life and that I wasn't even close to thinking of commitment. I was 17.

Then at 18, I met my hubs. We felt attraction through our voices before we'd even met or knew what each other looked like. We were inseparable. I still took the stance of "We're young, let's not get too serious" and he agreed but despite our best intentions, we were joined at the hip. After a short time, he wanted us to move in together. This time I couldn't wait. It felt natural and right to be with him. I didn't care if I ended up hurt, the protective walls were down and he was privy to all my emotions. He saw all aspects to who I was, my insecurities, my confusions, my successes and joys, my confidence, my sassiness - he got the works and embraced it all. And he had me wanting to be around him constantly. We could spend all night making out, we could spend all night just talking. Marriage was never a priority to me - so long as we had each other. I think my mom was the only one who took our relationship seriously. Everyone else thought it was "puppy love" or that we were "playing house".....but here we are, nearly 17 years later. I love him.


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## romantic_guy

We did it too!! I was 17 and she was 16 and pregnant. We were madly in love then and 39 years later we are still madly in love. It has not been easy. There has been counseling along the way and we each had issues in our own life that we had to deal with, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!


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## youngandconfusedgirl

Thanks for all of those great responses! My mind is a lot more at ease now  I shall simply enjoy my relationship and not worry then  Thank you all! :smthumbup:


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## CandieGirl

I only know of one woman who did this, and they seem happy. She used to wonder, sometimes, about what it may have been like to cruise around a little, but she has me to live vicariously through...LOL...


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## Jellybeans

I say HELL NO. 

My first boyf is someone I am very glad I only dated in my late teens. Oh he's great and all...for someone else.


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## Darkhorse

Jellybeans said:


> *I say HELL NO. *
> 
> My first boyf is someone I am very glad I only dated in my late teens. Oh he's great and all...for someone else.


:iagree::rofl:


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## Arnold

I think it is only okay if it is consensual.:smthumbup:


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## CalifGuy

I married my college sweetheart, who was my first serious relationship and we lasted 13 years together. But, it was a messy 13 years, really from beginning to end, with some good times sprinkled in there but way too much drama and hostility, as well.

Looking back at journals/diaries I kept, I would have NEVER ever tolerated the drama early in a relationship as a mature adult that I tolerated as a 23 year old college student, as I did with her. 

Leaving that marriage was the scariest thing I ever did as she had me conditioned to believe that I could never do better than her and I truly think she believed I would never ever leave her, no matter how badly she treated me and no matter how badly she neglected the marriage.

But, leaving her was the best thing I ever did and at 35 years old, I was single for the first time as an adult and I did not waste the opportunity as I dated prolifically for the next 2.5 years, had a few shorter term relationships ranging from 3 months to 15 months, went out with possibly 75+ different women and knew what I wanted when I did meet my second wife.

With my first wife, SHE picked me. Sat by me in class, kept after me and got what she wanted. I just kind of went along with it.

With every woman since her, I feel like I picked HER (thank God for online dating!) and had plenty of great experiences with women before remarrying.

It will be odd to be a first time father at 41 or 42 (currently 40) but I feel like I have lived a rich life and will be able to expose my child to so much more than had I had children in my 20's before having the chance to travel the world and really enjoy my own life first in a lot of different ways.


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## Arnold

The older dad deal is just excellent, Calif. You are more patient and have better perspective. Some studies show the kids are smarter, too(not sure how that works).

Testosterone makes men put up with a lot of crap when they are younger. One benefit to it waning(to an extent) is that the carrot being dangled is no longer so desirable that it causes one to override common sense and tolerate abuse. And, of course, by the later years, one is more aware of the abundance of alternative carrots.


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