# I just dont get it....



## lost in DC (Feb 24, 2013)

Hello. I am new here. And, as the line states, I just do not get it. I have been married for 30 yrs, and I think its all coming to an end. The reason? We have been on opposite sides of the sex food chain for years, but were trying to work through it. But the last few yrs it has just fell apart and Im tired of dealing with it now. Most of the time I have to ask or almost beg for sex, then its like she just lays there, no foreplay, no touching, no nothing. Im tired now. Very tired, very hurt, very dissapointed I have spent 30 yrs hoping for change. I have tried to be the good husband. Always help out around the house (do the cooking, help with laundry, help clean house), I try and be the good friend (always try and talk with her, try and do things together, movies, social life, allow her a private social life (many husbands dont)) and when it does come to sex, I always try and put her needs before my own and be an unselfish lover. But when it is not reciprocated, it tears me up, and Ive had enough now. Im thinking it is pretty much over except for the crying. We have talked about it and talked about it, she always says she is sorry, I always say dont say your sorry, nothing to be sorry for, just help me out here, helkp me understand whats going on, and it always ends in more dissapointment. I just think we are finally at the end, and I dont know if I want anymore beginnings......


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

She might just be a LD woman.

Menopause?

Try this. I do it and it works great. Have flowers, card and sweets first thing in the morning somewhere she is going to be when she gets up, surprise her.

When you hug her, give her a back rub while standing.

Have food ordered in before she gets home, surprise.

Try a toy. For me, its a first, silver bullet variety with great reviews. Small, discrete and will put a smile on her face.

Try watching porn geared more for women with her.

Cuddle with her on the couch, your arm around here, under blankets, watch tv together, talk, have a nap. My wife loves this.

Always give her oral first. Sometimes she will orgasm and sometimes she will not but the silver bullet will definitely help.

Wait for her in the shower.

Have a sexual compromise. If she wants it only 1x month and you could have it many times a week, 3x every week. Sex once every 2nd day isn't too much then.

What are her fantasies?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I feel your pain. We have glory hole sex. She has a small hole in the emotional wall she has built around here and every so often I get to stick my wiener in it. Last night I told her I will not do it anymore.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

You have fallen to the same attempts many of us have tried and in the process have developed beta traits that are a turn off to women.
Your pursuit sounds very similar to mine.
I can only imagine that if you were to try the methods prescribed in Married Mans Sex Life Primer, you would only get temporary results and then it would drift away again. That is what I saw when I tried, but I have more complicated issues in my relationship that revolve around my wife's mental health. 
I wish you the best outcome you can possibly get from this, whether that be you leave your wife and find a more compatible mate, or you can change yourself to where your wife finds you attractive again and makes you feel loved.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Read

The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011: Athol Kay: 9781460981733: Amazon.com: Books

Sounds like you're making a lot of mistakes and going about it the wrong way.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Thound said:


> I feel your pain. We have glory hole sex. She has a small hole in the emotional wall she has built around here and every so often I get to stick my wiener in it. Last night I told her I will not do it anymore.


Wow I must be living in the same house as you. You described my life so short and simply.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I realize now I should have had a litmus test prior to marriage.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

lost in DC said:


> Hello. I am new here. And, as the line states, I just do not get it. I have been married for 30 yrs, and I think its all coming to an end. The reason? We have been on opposite sides of the sex food chain for years, but were trying to work through it. But the last few yrs it has just fell apart and Im tired of dealing with it now. Most of the time I have to ask or almost beg for sex, then its like she just lays there, no foreplay, no touching, no nothing. Im tired now. Very tired, very hurt, very dissapointed I have spent 30 yrs hoping for change. I have tried to be the good husband. Always help out around the house (do the cooking, help with laundry, help clean house), I try and be the good friend (always try and talk with her, try and do things together, movies, social life, allow her a private social life (many husbands dont)) and when it does come to sex, I always try and put her needs before my own and be an unselfish lover. But when it is not reciprocated, it tears me up, and Ive had enough now. Im thinking it is pretty much over except for the crying. We have talked about it and talked about it, she always says she is sorry, I always say dont say your sorry, nothing to be sorry for, just help me out here, helkp me understand whats going on, and it always ends in more dissapointment. I just think we are finally at the end, and I dont know if I want anymore beginnings......


Sir,

Saying "Sorry" without making amends for past wrongdoings,

Is an INSULT to the word "Sorry"..

Keep that in your mind the next time she's trying that crying tricks on you.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

I suggest you do not beg for sex it turns her off. The lack of sex in your relationship is only the tip of the iceberg for other problems. 

There is a breaking point and you are at it. I'm almost sure it has affected your mental and physical health. 

No one ever got laid more from doing more house work. So stop doing so much. 

Sounds like your a nice guy who has been thinking he has been doing all the right things a good husband should do. So why isn't it working?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

First...stop asking, and certainly stop BEGGING for sex. Initiate when you feel like it. If she rejects you, turn over and continue doing what you were doing before. Distance yourself a bit, but act unphased by it. Unless she rejects you rudely...then it is time to really pull back.

Do your share around the house, that's it. Don't do more to try and "nice" your way to more sex. It won't work, and in fact will only make things worse.

When she treats you well, treat her well in return. Do that by giving her what she wants (romance, closeness, etc) but do so without any ulterior motive (sex), because she'll see through it. Give her what she wants because she treats you well and you WANT TO make her feel good....not because you're manuevering for sex.

Never accept "pity sex". The first time she offers it (even if it's a genuine "oh, I'm not in the mood, but it's okay if you want to" type of thing) and you accept, you are lowering your standing in her eyes. That's NOT what she wants. She doesn't want you to accept pity sex. She wants you to turn, walk away (or turn on the TV in bed or go back to sleep), and not lower yourself to accepting pity sex. She wants to know you only want her when she wants you! That you're the kind of man who expects women to want to sleep with him, and if they don't, well then, phuggem', that's their problem.

So many guys cannot think beyond the end of their d!ck. They accept pity sex because they can't control themselves, they're "horny" and just want to "get a nut", and then they feel like chit afterwards because they themselves know they lowered themselves and slept with an undesireable woman (any woman, no matter how beautiful, is undesireable sexually to me if she's not interested and is just going to lay there uninterested). I've got news for those guys...when you do this, SO DOES SHE feel like chit about this man she thought was strong, but yet was weak enough to lower himself to having sex with the human equivelent of a wet wash cloth.

Guys...STOP IT. You went YEARS without sex as a horny teenager. Or MONTHS without it between relationships. And you survived. Stop treating your woman like she's the last piece of azz you're ever gonna get just because she is naked, not screaming rape, and you're horny. BUT, when she is willing, interested, and into you, and WANTS sex with you, THEN it IS time to screw her like it's the last piece of azz you're gonna get. Get it?


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