# Dominance



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Seeing other threads, in particular the handshake one has made me curious. Do you "challenge" other men - consciously act in ways to express your dominance. 

I'm not talking about exercising authority that comes with a job or other position, or about honestly subconscious behaviors, but about actively thinking / planning actions to indicate your alpha dominance. 

I'm leaving poll slots for women in case some act that way, but I would guess it it much less common.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I do this at work, but it's subtle. There are ways to carry yourself in meetings, etc. Body language can be used to put people at ease and make them accept that you know what you're doing, even without saying much.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I would say no. I'm confident and competent, and don't feel a need to display dominance. I sometimes laugh inside at those who do the more overt displays, as it seems they are lacking something so try to compensate in this way.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

sometimes i do. in my line of work, it helps to be seen as someone who likes to be the guy who is "in charge".

its a confidence thing... if i do not show myself confident, they wont be confident in me. if they are not confident in me, they will not trust me with anything. and that is as it should be. if i dont know my job, i could very easily get all of us killed. 

so yea, sometimes i consciously display "alpha" traits. usually because the last guy who had my job was terrible, and i need to erase his memory.


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## Youngster (Sep 5, 2014)

There's no need to consciously challenge other men......I ALWAYS take this behavior as disrespectful. I mean really, what are you trying to prove? If you consciously and blatantly pull this kind of crap it's only a matter of time before you run into a guy who's going to beat the sh!t out of you!

Sometimes I'll smile or chuckle and say "really?" when someone blatantly pulls that crap on me. If I know the person I'll try to say something witty like "compensating for something today?" or "so the wife gave you your balls today?". 

What's tough is when it's subtle and you don't know the person. For me I sometimes confuse mannerisms with intent, if that makes sense. Some men come off over the top, not meaning anything by it, it's just their personality. 

I've also found that if I look pissed off(stare/hold eye contact, furrow brow, hands on hips......a look I use on the kids regularly) and close the space between us, that the other guy will alter his behavior.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Hmmm, this is interesting, I thought dominance was something only important for animals, not humans. I do see many times when other guys do things just because it's manly and it pisses me off, like the firm handshake thing or owning a truck. Is that really necessary??


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> I do see many times when other guys do things just because it's manly and it pisses me off, like the firm handshake thing or *owning a truck*. Is that really necessary??


Sorry, but I'm confused. How is owning a truck doing something "just because it's manly"? If you've ever had to transport a dead deer or a live hog, you need a truck. Why is that somehow considered a dominance play that would piss you off?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Rowan said:


> Sorry, but I'm confused. How is owning a truck doing something "just because it's manly"? If you've ever had to transport a dead deer or a live hog, you need a truck. Why is that somehow considered a dominance play that would piss you off?


I've never ever needed a truck and frankly see trucks as vehicles that men buy to prove their manliness. I don't need a damn truck to prove I'm a man. I see trucks as a big waste of gas and only a solution to a Napolean complex.


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## Lone Shadow (Aug 5, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> Hmmm, this is interesting, I thought dominance was something only important for animals, not humans. I do see many times when other guys do things just because it's manly and it pisses me off, like the firm handshake thing or owning a truck. Is that really necessary??





Rowan said:


> Sorry, but I'm confused. How is owning a truck doing something "just because it's manly"? If you've ever had to transport a dead deer or a live hog, you need a truck. Why is that somehow considered a dominance play that would piss you off?


I agree with Rowan. Being a homeowner makes having a truck immeasurably useful. I traded my truck in for a sedan because of fuel economy and my commute distance. I regret that decision on average 3 times a week. Since trading my truck in 2011, I've had to rent a truck on an average of every other month.


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## Youngster (Sep 5, 2014)

No garbage pickup in our town so it's a run to the transfer station every weekend. I used to have a truck, made the trip easy. Wife convinced me to get a SUV, now we get to clean out the back of the SUV after we go to the transfer station.....yuck! Wish I had my old F150 back!


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

jb02157 said:


> I've never ever needed a truck and frankly see trucks as vehicles that men buy to prove their manliness. I don't need a damn truck to prove I'm a man. I see trucks as a big waste of gas and only a solution to a Napolean complex.


That may be true for some, but the vast majority of the people I know with trucks use the crap out of them for practical purposes, and no other vehicle would do.

Now, if you wanted to delve into whether a person really needed that 8-cylinder super-hemi with the digitally added engine roar hidden in a tiny speaker under the hood for practical purposes... well, you may be onto something for some of those folks :grin2:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

If I am submissive and really like to be dominated by a women, but I am very particular and fussy about the details in how she is to dominate me, meaning that I top from the bottom, I am not sure how I should answer...

Badsanta


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

truster said:


> That may be true for some, but the vast majority of the people I know with trucks use the crap out of them for practical purposes, and no other vehicle would do.
> 
> Now, if you wanted to delve into whether a person really needed that 8-cylinder super-hemi with the digitally added engine roar hidden in a tiny speaker under the hood for practical purposes... well, you may be onto something for some of those folks :grin2:


I have owned a home for 30 years and never once needed a truck for anything. I wouldn't have a problem with a small truck, although I do not see their practicality, but as you say, my problem is with the super hemi trucks. The ******* next door has one and decides it's a great idea to gun his engine for 5 minutes or so at 6am on Saturday mornings. I guess this is his way of proving his male dominance. I think it's only good for proving he's an *******.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

You WILL RESPECT MY BRO-DOZER!!!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Fascinating......

It's not my daily driver, but I own a "work truck" that my son will drive when he turns 16 in 4 months. I'm going to assume that the "no one needs a truck" deal is cultural. I need a truck reasonably often - see my above comment about dead deer and live hogs. I and most of the other people I know routinely move lumber, house parts, truck parts, machinery parts, tools, plants, trees, firewood, garbage, boats, deer stands, farm implements, hay, produce, animals, dead things, and stuff with which to make things dead. If you live a lifestyle like that, chances are you have at least one truck in your household - because you need a truck. Like really and actually _need_ a truck. For realz.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
sometimes a truck is just a truck.

Seriously though there are real work trucks, and trucks that seem to compensating :smile2:

Typically work trucks look like they have actually been used. They are designed to be functional. A truck with enormously oversized tires for off-road, but no trace of dirt or dents to indicate that it has ever left city streets is what makes me laugh.


Off road trucks really used off road are fine. Work trucks that are actually used to carry stuff are fine.







jb02157 said:


> I've never ever needed a truck and frankly see trucks as vehicles that men buy to prove their manliness. I don't need a damn truck to prove I'm a man. I see trucks as a big waste of gas and only a solution to a Napolean complex.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

can't stand the obvious dominance attempts. it is so lame and douchey and the opposite of "dominant"


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Yes most certainly but only at work. I could care less outside of that


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Well this went from handshakes to trucks in a hurry.
I've taken some personality profiles and I'm Submissive but somewhat of a smart asterisk. In other words I will challenge a dominant just to see what they will do about it. 
But, I drive a truck. And, I haven't needed to transport a dead deer since before I bought it. I'm even thinking of upgrading to a bigger truck.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
So for people who do not play these games, how do you react when someone else does? I never react - will step out of the way, will not try out out-handshake someone, or engage in any other grunts and ground pounding. 

If you do behave like this, how do you feel when it is ignored? Do you take the ignoring as a sign of submission?


Humans are quite entertaining to watch.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> So for people who do not play these games, how do you react when someone else does? I never react - will step out of the way, will not try out out-handshake someone, or engage in any other grunts and ground pounding.
> 
> If you do behave like this, how do you feel when it is ignored? Do you take the ignoring as a sign of submission?
> ...


when someone does it to me, I will usually go with it or even encourage it.

you can actually get far stroking people's egos.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

I don't try to be dominant. 

I am dominant in most areas.

Trying to be dominant pretty much by definition means you are not dominant. It's like demanding that people respect you.

The weird thing is that the dominance is in your "aura" and there is no conscious control of it. 

I think it's a reflection of genuine confidence.

I had a couple of points in my younger life where the confidence I projected changed and people's perceptions of my abilities changed even though my actual abilities hadn't.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> sometimes a truck is just a truck.
> 
> Seriously though there are real work trucks, and trucks that seem to compensating :smile2:
> ...


I don't like trucks. I used to think truck owners who didn't actually need trucks were "compensating".

I like fast cars. Some people might think that I'm "compensating".

So now I've decided if people like big trucks they don't need, that's okay. They like big trucks.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Well damn I thought we were going to be talking about whips and chains....oh well.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> Hmmm, this is interesting, I thought dominance was something only important for animals, not humans. I do see many times when other guys do things just because it's manly and it pisses me off, like the firm handshake thing or owning a truck. Is that really necessary??


Humans are animals.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Shoto1984 said:


> Well damn I thought we were going to be talking about whips and chains....oh well.


Me too. Dang.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
that sounds like a better thread than this one - go for it.




Shoto1984 said:


> Well damn I thought we were going to be talking about whips and chains....oh well.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Shoto1984 said:


> Well damn I thought we were going to be talking about whips and chains....oh well.


That's kind of what I has hoping for


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## Lone Shadow (Aug 5, 2014)

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.



richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> So for people who do not play these games, how do you react when someone else does? I never react - will step out of the way, will not try out out-handshake someone, or engage in any other grunts and ground pounding.
> 
> If you do behave like this, how do you feel when it is ignored? Do you take the ignoring as a sign of submission?
> ...


I'm too much of a smart @ss to ignore it most of the time, and I'm an equal opportunity offender. I'll stoke their ego until the time is right to put them under my boot heel, then put them their with a kind word and a smile. :smthumbup:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

richardsharpe said:


> but about actively thinking / planning actions to indicate your alpha dominance.


That sounds exhausting!


I know my husband has challenged at job interviews. Although it's not pre-planned, nor for the purpose of dominance, or in the way of strong handshakes. Instead it's to discover as best as possible if it's going to be a mutually agreeable fit. He knows that he will challenge thinking when he's in the role, so he demonstrates that upfront as indicator to the potential dynamic.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Youngster said:


> No garbage pickup in our town so it's a run to the transfer station every weekend. I used to have a truck, made the trip easy. Wife convinced me to get a SUV, now we get to clean out the back of the SUV after we go to the transfer station.....yuck! Wish I had my old F150 back!


We live in the sticks, so we need a pickup truck sometimes.
Since it's essentially impossible to rent one, we own one.
We have put 18K miles on it in 18 years, so it hasn't cost much (or polluted much).


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

richardsharpe said:


> Humans are quite entertaining to watch.


In a meeting recently, was a woman in a senior position who I'd consider aggressive rather than dominant. She spoke with one of our team, my colleague, making it clear that she had control and that his job could be at risk if she chose. I observed our manager, who can be assertive, and she reacted somewhat submissively while also expressing we wanted to keep him on the team. Meanwhile, he attempted to joke it off. He's a gentle person with a lot of passion and care for what he does. 

I sat there gritting my jaw, quickly playing it out in my head that I'm new to this workplace, that I've met this woman for all of, oh, 20mins in this meeting...and that maybe he's less bothered by her than I am. I just know that if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't have sat there joking it off. And while she felt she had authority, I left that meeting with little respect for her.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> In a meeting recently, was a woman in a senior position who I'd consider aggressive rather than dominant. She spoke with one of our team, my colleague, making it clear that she had control and that his job could be at risk if she chose. I observed our manager, who can be assertive, and she reacted somewhat submissively while also expressing we wanted to keep him on the team. Meanwhile, he attempted to joke it off. He's a gentle person with a lot of passion and care for what he does.
> 
> I sat there gritting my jaw, quickly playing it out in my head that I'm new to this workplace, that I've met this woman for all of, oh, 20mins in this meeting...and that maybe he's less bothered by her than I am. I just know that if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't have sat there joking it off. And while she felt she had authority, I left that meeting with little respect for her.


She's one of the people that confuse being dominant with being a bully.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Fozzy said:


> She's one of the people that confuse being dominant with being a bully.


Absolutely.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I exhibit dominance at work with mind blowing competence....My last boss gave me my first annual review "You make me look like a fuc$ing genius for hiring you"....4 years later it was "You have the highest evaluation in our entire engineering group"...

A very highly regarded engineer came to me with an issue...In 10 minutes I sketched out a solution....He looked at the sketch, grinned and said "I guess that's why you are the designer"....Another engineer from corporate had a test fixture built, and brought it with him from Detroit...It would not fit in the thermal test chamber....I had already built a much better fixture...When he saw it he laughed and said "I won't humiliate myself by bringing down any more test fixtures"

I was the Dr. Sheldon Cooper of engineering, except for driving a muscle car , and getting laid on a regular basis...Not bad for a dude with only a HS diploma...

I always had tremendous focus and to be honest did not give a damn about dominance....On one job, I had submitted my resignation, wrapped up my projects, and was spending more time socializing with co-workers. After a chat with the department secretary, she looked at me in shock, and said "My god you are FUNNY"...I usually have time to expose my wit on the job....


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> Well this went from handshakes to trucks in a hurry.
> I've taken some personality profiles and I'm Submissive but somewhat of a smart asterisk. In other words I will challenge a dominant just to see what they will do about it.
> But, I drive a truck. And, I haven't needed to transport a dead deer since before I bought it. I'm even thinking of upgrading to a bigger truck.


Is it being douchy to show up a dominant A$$ by just being so much better in his field than he is?...I just love doing that....My favorite saying is "Do you want me to fix that for you"?

The company needed a way to probe to UL how quickly the chain brake stopped the chain on our products......Some jerk somehow got the project, and after failing for a month, and with only 3 weeks left, I asked the douchbuster question...."Do you want me to fix that for you"?....They can now measure how quickly a chin stops in milli seconds...UL was very happy...


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