# Ending after 5 years



## kyguy25 (Apr 16, 2012)

I have been with my fiancee for 5 years engaged for 2 years. I tried to explain to her last Friday I wanted to be alone. 
She has been a good fiancee but for the last 3 years I have been going to school while working full time and working ot. I'm doing this to be more successful and live a good financial life. Mean while my fiancee will not go to school because she doesn't want too. She only making 20k year while I'm Bringin home 60k and going to school to make more. I have been busting my but just tired only one has goals. Her only goal is to be a stay at home mom. We don't have kids. While this is going on I work with a girl that we both think made for each other. Lot on common and both arracted to each other. So Friday my financee so upset crying sick I broke down said we would try to go to counciling but honestly I just want her to move out so I can take of my self. I don't want to start dating another girl right away because I want things to be right with the new girl from work. I should mention girl from work we are good friends from 7 years ago lost touch. We both started new job around same time. How do I help my fiancee cope with break up


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

There IS no way to help your fiancee cope with the break up. You are leaving her for another woman. (Yes, you may not get together with the other woman at work for a while, but the reality is you are leaving your fiancee because you have found another woman you think is more suited to you long-term.)

Make the break cleanly (no going back and forth), make the break quickly, and make the break maturely. Yes, your fiancee will be devastated, but there is no getting around that. Broken hearts take a long time to heal, but nothing you can do will improve things for your fiancee. You can make them worse by being a jack*ss, but you can't make them better.

If meeting this old friend from 7 years ago can turn your head after 2 years of engagement, then your fiancee is not the right woman for you.

One idea for you to think about in the up-coming months. Before you met this woman at work (that you knew 7 years ago) you seemed to be okay with the idea of your fiancee becoming a SAHM after the marriage. YOU need to decide if this is still what you want from your future wife (whomever she may be). If you want a SAHM in the future for your children, then a career-driven woman may not be the best choice for you. If you don't feel that being a SAHM is that important to your future children, then a career-driven woman would be fine. YOU just need to decide and think long-term; not just for yourself, but for your future wife and future children.

Good luck!


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## kyguy25 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you for ur prom response to post. 
I should say I've tried for years to convince my fianacce to go to school. Do that our kids would never want for anything. She has always felt that I made enough for a comfortable life. I grew up poor my parents had nothing always fought never saw my father he had to work all the time to make ends meat. I don't want to do that to my kids I want them to be able play baseball and little girl do gymnastics. My fiancee know this I feel she has no drive she knows ill pick up the slack. I want 50 50 relationship. It's not even bout money I just want her to try not just depend on me. 
I don't think it would be good idea to tell her I want to pursue a relationship with another women that would devistate her


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## kyguy25 (Apr 16, 2012)

I always had little doubt but I thought I would grow out of it because she is a good women I would man up realize the financial burdon is on me. Over the years I have grown resment towards her because everything we have is from my hard work long hours 3 hour sleep days. Kinda my fault cause I have spoiled her but I have friends that are very successful couples due to 2 good incomes there happy because neither one of them works harder than the other. My fiancee wouldnt even consider working ot so I could take less stressful job and focus on school. I always felt if I did by myself I would owe nobody nothing
When I told her I wanted to be alone she said she couldn't imagine her life without me. She says I'm her soul mate. It broke my heart to see her so upset.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

You are making the right choice for YOU.

You should NOT tell her that you are leaving her for another woman. This will NOT help her.

Tell her that you have realized that you have different long-term goals in life (which you do.) Tell her that you realize it is painful, but kinder and more honest to break things off NOW (during the engagement) than after you two married.

Best wishes for you!


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## kyguy25 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you for the post.

It helps just talking bout it even on a forum. 

Thanks again


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