# My wife vandalized my truck because I cheated on her and hit her. What should I do?



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

So I cheated on my wife (well, soon to be ex-wife now, she's served me with divorce papers) a few weeks ago with this girl I met at a nightclub here in Dallas. I was really drunk when it happened, and it was only once. I mean I'm only 23, guys my age are entitled to make these kind of mistakes right? Well low and behold, she found out about it through one of her friends who happened to see me. She confronted me about it, and started slapping me, I wasn't going to take that, so I hit her a few times and knocked shoved her against the kitchen wall. Anyway, she left me and moved in with one of her friends, and I thought it was the end of it.

So earlier, me and one of my buddies came back from a job out in Midland (I work in the oilfields and have to go out to West Texas and the Panhandle alot), and I discovered my 2008 Silverado which was parked outside my apartment completely f***ed up. My wife did it. She smashed the windscreen in, smashed all the headlights and taillights. She also keyed it repeatedly all over the paint, and slashed all 4 of my tires. She broke the passenger and driver windows and ripped off one of my doorhandles, as well as tearing up my leather seats. She also ripped out my spark plugs and battery. To make it worse, the little tramp wrote on the hood in sharpie marker "JD IS A CHEATING LYING HICK". My neighbor claims he saw her and her friend tow my truck off and bring it back a few hours later like that. She left me a note in an envelope on the seat saying this was her way of thanking me for helping her see the light about me, and not to f*** with her or lay my hands on her again". To make it even worse, I had some of my work clothes in the truck still. She destroyed and cut up a pair of my work boots, and a pair of my cowboy boots that I had in there. They look like they've been ran through the garbage disposal. She also cut up a pair of my Wranglers that I forgot about that I had left laying on the floor of the truck. I mean I don't care about the boots and jeans so much, its my f*****g truck though.

She's destroyed it, I can't even drive it in this condition and I need it for work or I'm unemployed. I need it to go out to the oil fields and other jobs. My work will fire me if I don't got a truck for the things we gotta do there. She's screwed me over bad. I don't even know how to tell my insurance about the truck, let alone the Dallas Police. If I call Dallas PD, she might tell them I hit her too, then I'll be in jail. She's made my truck an eyesore. Its just sitting outside my apartment like that and I don't know what to do now about it. I am so f*****g tempted to go over to her place and pound some sense into the little tramp. It was only one time I slept around on her, and she's done this to my truck now. 

Even my mom and dad won't speak to me now after I told them what happened. My mom of all people told me she would have done worse to me if she was my wife. I'm really scared too that i might lose my right to possess a firearm in Dallas County or anywhere else in Texas if she reports me for hitting her (I keep a handgun in my apartment for protection). Can I get her for the damages to my Chevy and clothes? I have to be in Abilene on Monday for a job fixing an oil pipeline, and I needed my truck for it but can't drive it now no thanks to her. I don't know what to do about this.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Your soon to be ex-wife has been listening to Carrie Underwood. Your lucky she didn't press charges, still could if she still has the bruises. I think you should just your medicine and deal with it. Your mom is right - you got off easy compared to what could of been.

It doesn't matter if your 18, 23 or 50 - no it is not ok to get drunk and have sex with someone. Its not just a right of being a young guy and your wife should just get over it. 

You can tell your priorities weren't your wife and still aren't if you are more worried about your stupid truck than you are about her. I hope this has taught you a valuable lesson about cheating.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

TNgirl232 said:


> You can tell your priorities weren't your wife and still aren't if you are more worried about your stupid truck than you are about her. I hope this has taught you a valuable lesson about cheating.


Yeah your right, my priority is my "stupid truck" when I have to have it to earn a living. I need it for my job. I have to haul around heavy equipment with it. If I don't have a truck, I don't have a job anymore. She's divorcing me anyway, it's not like she wants to be with me. There's enough other guys in Dallas for her.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

All I can say is WTF...? Why didn't she **** up you instead of your truck? You're a crap*** husband and I hope she finds better. You...well, I just hope you grow up a whole helluva lot.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

Trenton said:


> All I can say is WTF...? Why didn't she **** up you instead of your truck? You're a crap*** husband and I hope she finds better. You...well, I just hope you grow up a whole helluva lot.


What do you expect? I'm only 23 f***in years old. I guess I'm too young to be married. I only proposed to her because we thought I got her pregnant, then it turned out she wasn't. Then we tried to make the marriage work, but all we did was fight. I tried to make it work, but she doesn't want nothing to do with me now this has happened. I didn't mean to hit her ok, I was just so drunk that I couldn't control myself. I nearly went to jail because of it.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> What do you expect? I'm only 23 f***in years old. I guess I'm too young to be married. I only proposed to her because we thought I got her pregnant, then it turned out she wasn't. Then we tried to make the marriage work, but all we did was fight. I tried to make it work, but she doesn't want nothing to do with me now this has happened. I didn't mean to hit her ok, I was just so drunk that I couldn't control myself. I nearly went to jail because of it.


Only 23? Seems old enough to act like an adult when taking on adult responsibilities to me. You forget you're also unfaithful on top of putting your hands on her. Durrr...

Take responsibility for yourself and don't break anymore hearts or heads or whatever else your 23 year old self feels like aiming at. Youth is wasted on the young.


----------



## yogachick (Aug 9, 2010)

I suggest you quit drinking and start using condoms. I think you did the crime and your wife took care of things Texas style. I wouldn't report what she did to the truck because you screwed up and now she has you by the balls, I'd walk away if I were you. 

As with most problems in life, alcohol and the police usually make things worse.


----------



## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

You are a young man and you are going to learn many hard lessons in life. Unfortunately this is one of those events that you can learn from and grow or simply make excuses and blame the other party.

Was she right or within the law to vandalize your truck? Of course not!

Cheating isn't illegal, but it is immoral and despicable. Hitting someone on the other hand is illegal.

My advise is simple common sense: 
Walk away
Realize that drinking is not an excuse for poor behavior
Get some help with anger management
Don't marry someone if you don't truly deeply love them
Take out a loan if you can and get your truck repaired
Take your lumps and learn from them...She did

If you lose your job and learn a valuable life lesson it is not the end of the world. There are plenty of opportunities in Dallas for young, hard workers.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Sorry, you're not going to get any sympathy here. Frankly, if I'd been your wife and you hit me, you wouldn't have been able to go to work for me to vandalize your truck because I'd have beat the hell out of you. NO man will ever lay his hands on me. 

You're 23 - you're an adult. You're old enough to know better than to cheat, and old enough to know better than to hit anyone, much less a woman. If you can't control yourself when you drink, here's a novel idea: STOP DRINKING!

You keep rattling on about how you need your truck to get to work....well, you were at work when this happened to your truck, so it seems to me you can figure out a way to work around it. 

If I were you, I'd just walk away. If you report it to the police, she might get in a little trouble, but you'll be in more, because she'll press charges against you for hitting her. 

Oh....and just to be clear, I don't buy that you only hit her because you were drunk. You mention wanting to go over and pound some sense into her. You're not drunk now, are you? No. You're just a mean jerk. 

No, scratch that. You're a d**khead...no, a d*****bag.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

If all of this doesn't sober you up, I don't know what will. Looks like you will be needing a loan to repair your truck. Insurance would probably cover the repairs, if you had a police report. But then, that probably ain't happening either. Oh, and I guess mom won't be loaning you the money either. You have certainly got yourself in a pickle--and you have no one to blame but yourself. Sorry this life lesson has become so costly.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

No my Mom and Dad won't loan me the money to repair the truck, they won't even speak to me right now. I guess I'll just have to go to my bank and get one instead. The repair estimate is more than I can afford. All because she had to go on her little revenge trip. I mean yeah, I was wrong I suppose too, but she didn't have to do that. If I lose my job I'm screwed. Guess I'll have to find somewhere else to work if I get fired, cause I don't want to leave Dallas. I only get aggressive towards people and start trying to fight and yell when I drink. If she doesn't want to be with me, why should I even try and stay married to her. We are both 23, it's not like we can't find better relationships.


----------



## Helen1965 (Sep 11, 2010)

People are taking your wife's side because your side is wrong. Have you considered that when your family, friends, people on here, and every other person in Dallas says you're wrong that maybe you actually are? 

"I cheated on my wife"

Dude she loved you and trusted you and felt you meant the world to her. You meant everything to her and she trusted you with her LIFE. Then you just carelessly and recklessly cheated on her and betrayed here, betrayed all her trust, your friendship, betrayed everything she thought you were, hurt her a LOT, really upset her and made her cry. Don't you care? It's one thing to tell someone you aren't right for them but it's another to cheat. The least you can do if you have any moral sense is hang your head in shame, accept that you were totally wrong and show you're sorry for what you did to her and take her slap and emotions like a man.

"and hit her"

Which is acceptable under no circumstances ever and anyone who does it has committed a horrible act of violence against someone who is probably quite harmless. Everyone is absolutely right to think low of you for doing it and they will until you start accepting you were wrong and that what you did was bloody horrible rather than making excuses. Stop thinking about the circumstances and start thinking about the moral of what you did. Just because you were drunk doesn't mean it was right nor does it justify it.

"I discovered my 2008 Silverado which was parked outside my apartment completely f***ed up. My wife did it."

Look at what you've done, not your reasons for it, but just look at what you did and the effects it's had. Forget the excuses and look at what you've done; you've broken somebody's heart and then hit them, can you honestly now say to yourself that you didn't deserve it? I can't think of anyone that would say you don't bud.

"Even my mom and dad won't speak to me now after I told them what happened. My mom of all people told me she would have done worse to me if she was my wife"

You're surprised at that? Because nobody here is the least bit surprised lol. But listen people will keep talking to you this way until you stop making excuses and start accepting that what you did was wrong and trying to be a better person that will never do anything like that again.

"I was really drunk when it happened, and it was only once." and "It was only one time I slept around on her, and she's done this to my truck now"

There should never have been a first time. You should have walked away, cooled off, and sobered up like a man. Stop making excuses dude. Sometimes we have to accept that we were just plain wrong about things, it's what makes us a better person. You can't just go around blaming this, that or the other. You've got to take responsibility for what you did. You can't just sip a drink and say that it all wasn't your fault and that it all doesn't matter just because you had a drink.

Responsibility is to accept you're wrong whatever caused it to happen; the fact is you did something wrong and you need to accept that and look at making yourself a better person and working on ways of making sure that it doesn't happen again. Being drunk doesn't justify what you did.

"I mean I don't care about the boots and jeans so much, its my f*****g truck though."

Like everyone has been telling you, you're lucky that was all you got. Just accept you deserved it  You cheated and betrayed your life partner and then slapped her up, she must have had the pain and roar of a dinosaur dude and I don't doubt others would have even done worse. You can get replace a pair of Wranglers, where I'm sure they are abundant in every store in Texas. You can replace your cowboy boots, again abundant across Texas, as you can your work boots. You can get your truck repaired or replaced, but you can't replace the past and what you've done.

"I am so f*****g tempted to go over to her place and pound some sense into the little tramp."

I really don't think you only hit her when you were drunk though. I also think you have probably hit her when you were sober, if you were thinking of going over there and beating her up again. Are you really that stupid buddy?

"I mean I'm only 23, guys my age are entitled to make these kind of mistakes right?"

We get you made a mistake but again that's brushing it under the carpet and making excuses. I don't think anyone frankly cares if you're 23, if you were drunk or if you were drawn into temptation. The fact is that YOU did these things whatever caused them and no one will respect you until you show responsibility.

You are a Texan, you know the way you acted towards your wife is unacceptable in Texas, or anywhere else for that matter. But I know that men are taught from birth in Texas that women are like goddesses and you don't mess with them or do them wrong in anyway.

Once you start accepting the fact that you were wrong and have been totally horrible - yes you were wrong not whatever excuses you're blaming it on - then you can work to making sure it doesn't happen again and that's where your reasons come in. Once you accept you were wrong you can look to the fact that you were drunk and see if you need to learn to control yourself better while drunk or limit your drinking; look at the fact that you're 23 and read some books to get a bit more insight so you don't make as many mistakes; look at your temptations and learn to control yourself better.

If you do that JD, people will start to respect you again for taking responsibility with yourself ok 

telling you all this for your own good and because it's what you need to do, not trying to say things for the sake of it 

"give me a break"

It's not that we don't want to help you it's just we can't until you stop making excuses and start accepting that you were wrong and need some help to sort out what made you do these horrible things dude

"I'm really scared too that i might lose my right to possess a firearm in Dallas County or anywhere else in Texas if she reports me for hitting her (I keep a handgun in my apartment for protection)."

All the more reason to take responsibility with your life before you get arrested and lose the important things in your life ok  You should not have a gun whatsoever. You are obviously dangerous when you drink, and you have anger problems. You need to get rid of your gun, and try and live without it, although living in Texas, I know that might be hard for you to comprehend.

"It seems like half the people in Dallas hate me right now."

Show a little understanding, they have every right to hate you for cheating on someone and breaking their heart and hitting them and then brushing it under the carpet. Accept what you did and how wrong and horrible it was and regret it instead and maybe people will have more respect for you.

Finally, and I'm can't stress this enough, LAY OFF THE BOOZE, YOU ARE ONLY 23, IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE YOUR ALCOHOL, IT'S BEST NOT TO DRINK AT ALL. Also, GET ENROLLED IN SOME ANGER MANAGEMENT COURSES, you obviously need it. The way you are going, you won't need to worry about your truck and your job, because you will be in jail serving some serious time.

We're just trying to help but it's hard when you're not taking responsibility for what you did. You obviously are a hard working young man, but you've made some very serious and big mistakes, and you need to learn from them. I know I've gone on a lot and repeated myself a lot but listen to what I'm saying here JD, because I have 2 sons myself, one of them a year younger than you, you have your whole life ahead of you, so I know you can change  and rather than brush it away actually read it.

You also need to cry more and get some tears out instead of drowning your feelings in the bottle. You are 23, you need to be a Hell of a lot more mature about this.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I know this is hard. Age usually does bring maturity. And I know all of this advice you are getting is hard to swallow. Those of us giving this advice are probably in your parents' age group, so it comes off as being harsh. 

Relationships and people are not disposable. You may want to stop drinking and do some soul searching. Is there a friend or family member who can loan you a truck? Or do any of the rental places have trucks that can be rented? Do you have any friends who are mechanics that could help you patch the truck to get you by? You really need to figure out how to keep you job. Perhaps the bank will also be willing to loan extra to cover a truck rental. 

I wish you and your wife the best.


----------



## EmmyC (Aug 26, 2010)

Wow! What about using public transportation to get to work? You are lucky you didn't injure her or even kill her in your drunken rage. You could be incarcerated right now instead of having freedom and choices. I agree with the other posts, take this as a life lesson learned. It sounds like you have some major issues and you need to fix yourself first instead of fixing your truck.


----------



## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

So she ruined your truck......You ruined her life and hit her you miserable piece of trash. "oh poor me, I'm only 23 years old, I should be able to make mistakes". Give me a break pal! I suggest you find a site called Talk About Being a Whinney, Immature Punk and leave the Marriage sites to the adults. 
God in Heaven. You call it a revenge trip? I call it sweet justice. She should have you hauled into jail. You can not, let me repeat tough guy, YOU CAN NOT HIT A WOMAN!!! If she was slapping you, which you deserved, you act like a man and walk away. And do the woman of the world a favor and become a Monk so you will not ruin another young womans life in the future. And for God's sake do not have kids. You will only treat a new generation how to behave like an ass!! Your truck got ruined....... BOO HOO!! Give me a break.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I'm going to get my ass torn for this one, but this seems like a case of four or five wrongs do not make a right.

Domestic violence is extremely bad. Seeing the wife started the domestic violence there is a case that could be made that the husband acted in self-defense. There is no requirement that a man should just take a whooping from a woman because "he was in the wrong". It sounds like he took it a little bit further than self-defense though. This whole incident would be one that should have had a police involvement. 

The destruction of the truck is a pretty clear crimminal act with witnesses. Call the police and have them deal with it.

It sounds like she tricked the original poster into getting married. That's awful.

Being drunk and young is no excuse for doing anything as stupid as cheating on your wife.

Restraining orders for everyone.

Rent a truck.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Learn from this.

1. Don't drink.

2. Make no excuses based on being 23.

3. Never hit a woman ever again.

4. Get rid of the gun.

5. Buy a $400 truck until you can afford an $800 one, then trade up until you can get a $2,000 truck, etc.

6. Stay employed.

7. Actually, Number 1: Apologize to your wife and make no excuses to her about why you hit her or cheated.

8. Grow as a person.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

EmmyC said:


> Wow! What about using public transportation to get to work? You are lucky you didn't injure her or even kill her in your drunken rage. You could be incarcerated right now instead of having freedom and choices. I agree with the other posts, take this as a life lesson learned. It sounds like you have some major issues and you need to fix yourself first instead of fixing your truck.


I cannot use public transportation to go to work. I work in areas outside of Dallas, as well as oil fields out in West Texas near Midland and Odessa, which is a 7 hour drive one way. I can't just take public transportation to jobs like that. 

And I know I'm lucky I didn't kill her when I went off on her. Yeah, maybe I do gotta fix myself because maybe I do have some issues. But I also have to earn a living. I have to pay bills too. I've tried to let go of the alcohol, but it's hard.




michzz said:


> Learn from this.
> 
> 1. Don't drink.
> 
> ...


1: I am trying as hard as I can to not drink, but I have a drinking problem at 23 and it's tearing me apart.

2:I know I shouldn't, that's wrong of me to do that, but sometimes I don't always think with my brain, I think with another body part in my boxers if you get what I mean, and I know that's not the right thing to do.

3: I know I shouldn't. I know how lucky I am, because I know I could be in jail over that. I am disgusted with myself for what I did that night and a few other times. I'm an abusive 23 year old wife beater, and I am so ashamed of myself for that, and I need to change quick.

4:As for my gun, I don't really know how to answer that one. I need it for protection. I know I shouldn't have a gun with my history, but it's Texas. Everybody here has a gun. I should probably just go put it in a pawn shop or something until I sober up and get my **** together.

5: My truck is a $30,000 Silverado. I make the payments on it on time every month. I'll be upside down on the payments if I get a new truck now. I can't just get another truck. I'm just going to have get it fixed. I guess I'll have to just go get a rental truck for the time being.

6: I am trying my best to stay employed. I like my job. I know I need to sober up more though. I know there are other opportunities in Dallas, but I like my current job.

7: That apology may take a while. I have tried to contact her and at least talk. She want's nothing to do with me until we go to court. I at least have managed to call her lawyer and they said would relay a message to her, but it's just not the same. I want to talk in person with her. 

8: I'm trying my best to learn from my mistakes. I know how much of an a**hole I've been to her, and by all rights I should have been in jail for what I've done to her. I've f****d her life up bad. I guess my wife was right when she called me an animal.


----------



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Call police to get report you don't have to tell them your wife did it. File report with insurance co. Some policies pay for a car/truck rental. Call insurance co. that is what they are there for.

I won't comment on what you did to wife seems like you know what you did was wrong. Your mom/dad raised you better than that. Work on becoming a better man.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Apologize every way that you can, it's not about satisfying YOU. So if she only wants to deal with you through a lawyer, then relay the message that way. I take it you hit her on more than one occasion. 

Despite her idiotic reaction by wrecking your truck, you have to make things right.

You have figured out that she wanted to hit back at you at something you care about. She cared about you, you care about your truck. It may be a practical thing to you, an expensive work truck. But I'm sure you could find a 10-year-old truck that would do just fine. You don't need a $30K truck to do your job.


BTW, I don't buy it that everyone had a gun in Texas and "needs one" for protection. I lived in Dallas for 4 years and never had a gun. Never needed one either.

Maybe it's an indication of your mistakes in life that you put yourself in situations where you feel a need to have a gun.

Change, avoid such situations. Then you won't need a gun.

SELL IT to buy a cheap truck or repair your current one.

Join AA and get off the booze.

I'm shaking my head about you actually proud of your lack of impulse control and, frankly, idiotic thinking. Do you really think it is something to be proud of to actually write a comment such as not always thinking with your head? That you sometimes think with something else?

You are a fool. Everything that you do you are responsible for at all times. You think with your brain and react impulsively. It is a decision you make every time you do not stop yourself from destructive behavior.

Think ahead. Think of consequences for your actions. Stop just reacting to whatever is in front of your nose. Be it a drink , a girl, your anger rising.

Grow as a person.

If you can't keep this job because of the truck damage, do something else.


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

4sure said:


> Call police to get report you don't have to tell them your wife did it. File report with insurance co. Some policies pay for a car/truck rental. Call insurance co. that is what they are there for.
> 
> I won't comment on what you did to wife seems like you know what you did was wrong. Your mom/dad raised you better than that. Work on becoming a better man.


:iagree: Best post yet, although you may want to look into anger management, dude a minor spousal abuse goes onto to your record, will involve a big fine, can effect job prospects, so I know sometimes one losses their head, and some women love to push buttons but hitting them is reaaaaal stupid.

You cheated on her, wht did you think was going to heappen, she was going to forgive you:rofl::rofl::rofl:.

So take your lumps and if the truck is fully insured call it in as vandalism and you dont know who did it.


----------



## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

Being that you were married and the truck is financed as a spouse she then is half accountable for the financial aspect and insurance. The vandalism would be viewed as destroying your own property. I WOULD NOT suggest filing a police report and insurance report as this could be construed as either filing a false police report or insurance fraud or both. You do not need any more trouble than you already have. 

Trade the truck in (yes you will lose a bit of money due to condition)...refinance the over under into the new truck and be done with it.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

Frost said:


> Being that you were married and the truck is financed as a spouse she then is half accountable for the financial aspect and insurance. The vandalism would be viewed as destroying your own property. I WOULD NOT suggest filing a police report and insurance report as this could be construed as either filing a false police report or insurance fraud or both. You do not need any more trouble than you already have.
> 
> Trade the truck in (yes you will lose a bit of money due to condition)...refinance the over under into the new truck and be done with it.


My truck is in my name only, thats the thing. Anyway, I guess I just have to accept the loss and either repair it or get rid of it for another one. I just want to try and be a better guy and get some help with all the alcohol and anger issues I have. I don't want to go down the road I'm going anymore. I don't want to be known as a violent guy anymore. Yes, the assumptions you all have are right, I have hit my wife a few other times, it wasn't just the time I described above. I know how wrong that is and I know that makes me a scumwad. I don't want to be this way anymore, I want to try and be a better guy. My parents didn't raise me this way, and I wasn't like this until my wife said she was pregnant, then we found out she wasn't. I am trying to get help. I'm 23 years old, I can't live like this for the rest of my life.


----------



## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

JD,

In general, in a marriage is considered to be community property irregardless of who has financed it. It may be that this doesn't apply towards ownership if you had the truck prior to marriage. Heck you might even get away with it by filing.

My concern is that the police or insurance company could regard it as community property which would make the report fraudulant and you could be arrested and tried. 

Again I would recommend that you make the steps to take responsibility for what happened and not attempt to pass the buck to the insurance company which could result in more trouble.


----------



## lysis (Sep 12, 2010)

You're amazed that you're not getting bowled over by sympathy. Let's see, married 23 YO J.D. gets drunk, screws some barfly, and then, imagine this, his wife has the audacity to slap him when she finds out. What's a guy to do? Beat her down, of course, and feel very sorry for himself when she retaliates! 

Kudos to your mother. You know, mothers are known for looking for the best in their sons and daughters. Not only have you dishonored and disappointed your wife, but your own mother is ashamed of you. That, if nothing else, should get it through your thick skull that your behavior goes way beyond unacceptable. And you're still focused on your busted truck. You're still trying to justify cheating on and assaulting your wife. In your world, everything is all about you. 

You have no business being married, at any age. Be grateful you did not bring an innocent child into the world. Little children have a tendency to jump all over your last nerve, put a damper on your social life and your finances, and test your patience. With your current mindset, you handle stress and anger with your fists, and liberal doses of alcohol. Would you still be feeling sorry for yourself if you got into trouble for child abuse?


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

lysis said:


> You're amazed that you're not getting bowled over by sympathy. Let's see, married 23 YO J.D. gets drunk, screws some barfly, and then, imagine this, his wife has the audacity to slap him when she finds out. What's a guy to do? Beat her down, of course, and feel very sorry for himself when she retaliates!
> 
> Kudos to your mother. You know, mothers are known for looking for the best in their sons and daughters. Not only have you dishonored and disappointed your wife, but your own mother is ashamed of you. That, if nothing else, should get it through your thick skull that your behavior goes way beyond unacceptable. And you're still focused on your busted truck. You're still trying to justify cheating on and assaulting your wife. In your world, everything is all about you.
> 
> You have no business being married, at any age. Be grateful you did not bring an innocent child into the world. Little children have a tendency to jump all over your last nerve, put a damper on your social life and your finances, and test your patience. With your current mindset, you handle stress and anger with your fists, and liberal doses of alcohol. Would you still be feeling sorry for yourself if you got into trouble for child abuse?


I would never hit a little kid, and I repeat, I WOULD NEVER HARM A LITTLE KID. I was absolutely over the moon and thrilled when I thought my wife was pregnant. I may only be 23, but you have no idea how much I wanted to be a Dad. When I found out she wasn't pregnant, I was heartbroken and devastated ok. I cried my f***ing eyes out when I found out. It was like my world came crashing down on me. 

I am not trying to justify hitting her, I know it was wrong. I know I should have walked away. I also know I should not have hit her all the other times I did either. But she didn't have to retaliate as extreme as she did either. I'll get my f***ing truck fixed ok. I never meant to hurt my Mom either. I love her to death, and I feel like I'm a failure of a son. I don't know what happened to me, I was good in school, I was on the baseball and rodeo teams, and I had good grades, and I never had anger problems. Now I just seem to work in the oilfields and I drink excessively all the time ever since I found out we weren't having a kid. I don't know what happened to me. I hate the way I've turned out. I'm trying to work on my anger and drinking problems.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I would never hit a little kid, and I repeat, I WOULD NEVER HARM A LITTLE KID. I was absolutely over the moon and thrilled when I thought my wife was pregnant. I may only be 23, but you have no idea how much I wanted to be a Dad. When I found out she wasn't pregnant, I was heartbroken and devastated ok. I cried my f***ing eyes out when I found out. It was like my world came crashing down on me.
> 
> I am not trying to justify hitting her, I know it was wrong. I know I should have walked away. I also know I should not have hit her all the other times I did either. But she didn't have to retaliate as extreme as she did either. I'll get my f***ing truck fixed ok. I never meant to hurt my Mom either. I love her to death, and I feel like I'm a failure of a son. I don't know what happened to me, I was good in school, I was on the baseball and rodeo teams, and I had good grades, and I never had anger problems. Now I just seem to work in the oilfields and I drink excessively all the time ever since I found out we weren't having a kid. I don't know what happened to me. I hate the way I've turned out. I'm trying to work on my anger and drinking problems.


So face up to all this and change your life around for you. Work on making yourself happy so that you can be a good person for whomever it is you end up with as well as make your Mom proud. It has to start with you.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

Trenton said:


> So face up to all this and change your life around for you. Work on making yourself happy so that you can be a good person for whomever it is you end up with as well as make your Mom proud. It has to start with you.


That's hard for me. I just want to be in a relationship where I don't hit my girlfriend, wife, whoever. I want my wife happy and at least so we can maybe sit down and talk without me getting angry at her, but if she wont speak to me or acknowledge me, so I don't see that happening. I just wish I wasn't so quick to use my fists on people and so quick to sink into a bottle. I don't want to be known as "J.D., the 23 year old abusive wife beating alcoholic scumwad d-bag cowboy" anymore. I think I need either AA or anger management or both. I just don't want to be this way anymore.


----------



## yogachick (Aug 9, 2010)

I'm so happy to see you owning up to your alcohol and anger management challenges. This shows so much maturity and growth!! I recommend AA; so many men there have the anger issue as well.

I'm also sorry that you are not the expectant Dad you thought you were, this may or may not have been done intentionally, but I do realize it is a personal loss for you.

Keep us posted, I wish you all the best!!!


----------



## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

As silly as it sounds, it's called self-control..for beating, alcohol, cheating...all of em. Should've become a man by now, no offense. 

Change what you can, accept what you can't, but stop mentioning you're 23 in every post. That's an excuse for absolutely nothing. I'm 24 and i'm doing none of the crap you're doing. 

Btw how would ya respond to your wife going and banging some random guy, cause she's 'just 20 something' and still keeping an eye out there for the best man she can find? May have been wrong for her to trash your truck, but you're partly responsible for it because you pissed her off enough to do it.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Yes. I think the consistent themes are:
- Mutual respect
- Lots and lots of positive interaction, very little negative interaction
- They do not flirt or cheat.
- They work hard at work or at home and are responsible with money.

Husbands
- The men have excellent emotional "self" control - in fact while they are quick to express happiness and empathy/sympathy for their wives, they are skilled at managing their own fear, anger, insecurities. So you get a man who is almost always either happy/upbeat or supportive if you need it. You rarely get the angry, frightened, insecure behavior.
- They are "short" on words and long on action. If there is a serious problem they set to work fixing it. They do not whine and act like a victim.
- Because the men have good "self" control, they do not try to "control" their wives. They are not "bossy".
- And part of that control extends to their fitness level/appearance. They make a consistent effort to remain attractive to their wives.
- Self control: They do not talk/act like a teenage boy. They do not grope their wives. They do not make stupid sexual comments that make her feel cheap.
- They learn how to please their W in bed. They learn her body and her moods and they make sex great for her.
- They are kind but they are strong. You cannot bully them or push them around.

After reading all you replies, I do see that you want to change.
This is MEM11363's reply for me. Please learn from them and become a responsible man. You keep on saying that you are only 23, yes, you are only 23, so you have your whole life ahead of you. I wasn't even married when I was 23. If you don't learn to become a better man, you are going to have many bad things happen to you in the future. Believe me, they will. On this forum, there are so many mature and good men, and there are so many good women. It is a good place for you to get good advice. Make sure that you don't make the same kind of mistake twice. 
Chinese people always say that your fate is determined by your personality. But if you change your personality, then your fate is also changed. 
You are young, we learn hard from our silly mistakes. But if we learn, we change, we'll have a better life in the future. If one day you become a gentleman, we will all be happy for you. You are going to make a woman super happy and you are going to have happy kids and you are going to have happy life. 
Learn from MEM and BBW. So far they are the good men I have noticed. There must be more, I haven't read enough. Pay attention to their posts. Also learn from other posts here. Do what is good and don't do what is bad.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Chinese people always say that your fate is determined by your personality. But if you change your personality, then your fate is also changed.
> You are young, we learn hard from our silly mistakes. But if we learn, we change, we'll have a better life in the future. If one day you become a gentleman, we will all be happy for you. You are going to make a woman super happy and you are going to have happy kids and you are going to have happy life.


I am trying to change my personality, because I'm sick of being so violent and drunk all the time. I really hope I can change soon. I don't want to end up in jail because I can't stop drinking and being angry all the time. I really hope I can make someone happy soon. I really do. But I think it's going to take time.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I am trying to change my personality, because I'm sick of being so violent and drunk all the time. I really hope I can change soon. I don't want to end up in jail because I can't stop drinking and being angry all the time. I really hope I can make someone happy soon. I really do. But I think it's going to take time.


Hey JD,
I've had a few thoughts following this thread and just wanted to jump in with them.

I know where you're coming from with a lot of what you said. I'm from West Texas....more than a bit farther west than Midland, but definitely West Texas. Lived in Wyoming for quite a while too. My stepdad and one of my stepbrothers worked the oilfields and I've known lots of other folks in that business too. I've seen quite a bit about how things go for guys in that line of work. Work hard, get paid and go blow off steam with the guys. Then somehow it just gets kind of out of control.

If I could give you a couple of pieces of advice, the biggest one would be to reach out and find the help that's out there. Join AA. Seriously. Check into anger management or domestic violence offenders programs. Get your act together and let people help you do it. If you just sit around thinking about how much you're going to change, you'll just slide deeper. I haven't had your exact experiences, but I'd liken it to being on a diet: if you sit around thinking about all the stuff you aren't going to eat, pretty soon that's all you want to eat, even though what you've got is perfectly good. The same way, if you sit around going, "I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna fight" then you'll get to where that's all you want to do just because you're thinking so hard about it.

The next thing I'll tell you is that from what I've seen, there are two kinds of men that work the oilfields. There are a LOT of good men that work hard for those crazy hot hours to support their families and do their best by the people they care about. Then there are the guys that work hard, make good money and play just as hard and are typically the ones that you see drinking and fighting and ending up with two or three baby mamas that they're always arguing with. I'm guessing you know both types, right? Go find more of the first kind to spend time with. Get to know those guys. You like kids? Be the fun uncle to their little ones. It doesn't have to be all the time, but check out what a steadier life is like instead of trying to resist temptation every second with your usual crew.

In the meantime, don't even worry about hooking up with another woman--get you under control before you bring in all the excitement of a new relationship. And I'd check out some of the Texas BIPPS programs. There are quite a few in the Dallas area. They deal with helping men who have been involved in domestic violence. It's different thing from anger management. It helps deal with the issues of power and control behind the violence in relationships. At least to see where it is that your problems are, if it's about relationships or what. I'm guessing that you didn't start out by hitting your wife, that you got the results you wanted other ways first. And I'm guessing too that you manage to control your anger enough that you don't get in fights with your boss, or a cop that pulls you over. 

I'd really take a look at what that root issue is, if for no other reason than if you can make the leap from "losing your temper" enough to hit a woman, not slap, not hold down while she was slapping you, but "hit her a few times" and to have done that on more than one occasion--you might think that you wouldn't hurt a kid--but how frustrated and tired and angry do you think you'll get at a kid over the course of their life? It's not that big a big leap once it becomes okay in your head to shake or hit someone smaller than you to get what you want.

The fact that you're thinking about all of this is awesome and I think it's a wonderful, smart thing that you're thinking this all through and getting ready to try to get this all straightened out before it really does screw things up for you long term--it's not easy, but I know you can do it! You've got a great vision for your future and that's a great place to start--


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I only get aggressive towards people and start trying to fight and yell when I drink. If she doesn't want to be with me, why should I even try and stay married to her. We are both 23, it's not like we can't find better relationships.


Gee, uh...how about you stop drinking? It was YOUR drinking (and lack of morals) that caused all of this, not your wife.

Not like you can't find better relationships? Wow. If this isn't a troll, I sure hope it takes you a long time before someone marries you again, for the girl's sake - time for you to learn some life lessons and learn what commitment and honesty and faithfulness mean.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The vandalism of your truck is an example of you paying tuition to the university of life. Next time you find yourself in a relationship, either be faithful to her or drive an old beater. You could look at the situation a couple ways. #1. "I'm a victim of vandalism." or #2. " sure am glad she attacked the truck instead of me!" The same mind that conceives vandalism is capable of also conceiving castration scenarios. You were lucky...this time.


----------



## Bluemoon7 (Jan 27, 2010)

You HAVE to stop drinking. Seriously. Look at all the problems you have because you can't have a drink and still behave yourself. Pretty disgusting. You don't want to be that guy, do you? The drunk f**k up who ruins every relationship, loses his job, and even disgraces his mother? 

Don't report your wife or retaliate against her in any other way. You cheated and beat her, on more than one occasion. You should focus on fixing yourself and be grateful you only have to worry about fixing your truck and getting a divorce, not all the problems that might follow you if you are charged with domestic violence like you deserve. 

Stop making excuses for yourself. Sure you're 23 and young people do make mistakes, but you're also the one who has to fix those mistakes. And you can't do that until you acknowledge what they are.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My DD just turned 20, and her college counselor told her last year that she's more mature and more focused than most college seniors she has met. She said she wished more students came into college like her.

She's not a prude by any means, but she turns down offers for parties if it's a drinking party. She just says she's not into watching a bunch of frat boys getting wasted and being stupid.

Age is NOT a valid excuse.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Tex,
Do you have health insurance? The reason I ask is that many policies cover outpatient treatment for alcohol AND anger management issues. This means that you can receive treatment in a counseling like setting and not a "facility" where you would go away for awhile. Maybe it is worth looking in to.


----------



## wmmaria (Sep 13, 2010)

Are u serious, first u are took young to be married and obviously too immature to act like an adult. You are using your age to do stupid stuff . No one must have told u to respect your marriage, your wife, and become an adult. If you weren't ready to get married you shouldn't have gotten married. As for you fighting your wife, the best lessons are learned when they lock your a** up for doing it. Absolutely not cool at all


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I am trying to change my personality, because I'm sick of being so violent and drunk all the time. I really hope I can change soon. I don't want to end up in jail because I can't stop drinking and being angry all the time. I really hope I can make someone happy soon. I really do. But I think it's going to take time.


Tell you honestly, I used to have a bad temper. I got it from my father. My father is a violent man. When I was young, I just saw him yelling, shouting and beating my mom. 

Being angry all the time is not good for our health. It tends to cause us heart problems. I didn't like being angry. 

Then one day, I read this, it is from Solomon, " He that is quick to anger will commit foolishness." I always consider myself a smart woman. But this sentence tells my clearly I was a stupid woman. I asked myself to change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! later on I focused on articles about foolishness of angry people, their lessons really helped me not to be like them. 
And there is another sentence: " He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly. 

I don't think the kind of people you go out with are very smart ones. This discussion forum is about life in general, please seek good advice from friends here. And there are a lot of things you learn not to do as well. 

You are young, if you are able to control yourself, then your life will tend to be easy. So please try hard. 
Changing one's personality doesn't happen in one day. It took me five good years of studying. It is like trying to learn a kind of art, you just have to practice and practice and practice, notice your problems, and overcome one by one. First solve your drinking problem, then your anger problem, then other problems..................Please work hard. We all are learning to perfect ourselves. It is not a shame to admit that we have problems and we need to change. Better than those people who don't even know who they are. 


When you achieve peace in your heart, you will really be happy for the effort you put into. Say five years, at that time you will be 28, my husband was married at 28, now he is 33. And look at what he has. If you are able to have his, you will have a great life ahead of you.


----------



## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I would never hit a little kid, and I repeat, I WOULD NEVER HARM A LITTLE KID. I was absolutely over the moon and thrilled when I thought my wife was pregnant. I may only be 23, but you have no idea how much I wanted to be a Dad. When I found out she wasn't pregnant, I was heartbroken and devastated ok. I cried my f***ing eyes out when I found out. It was like my world came crashing down on me.


You know JD, my father said the same things to my mother the first time they had a fight like that. 7 years later, they had me. Let's just say I have more then a few scars I could show you to prove how well that promise he made turned out for me and her. I know now you may be totally serious and absolute in your feelings. But if you cannot control your temper I guarantee you will snap at your kids. Kids piss parents off constantly, it's just what they do. If you don't have control, you will hit them. I know when I was your age we had our first child. I was petrified I would turn into a bastard just like my father did. But, living through what I did taught me to control my own temper. 10 years and 4 kids later I've never laid a hand on my wife or kids. There are better ways to get out your frustrations.

Listen man, above all else get anger management classes and stop the damn drinking. You have no business being in a relationship with anyone if you cannot control your temper.



TexasJD said:


> But she didn't have to retaliate as extreme as she did either.


You are correct, she was absolutely wrong in slapping you and wrecking your truck. There is 0 excuses for her actions either.

Learn from this crappy situation JD. No one here can claim to be perfect, I sure as hell know i've made my share of mistakes. You need to move forward with bettering yourself and your life. It sucks all of this had to happen, and I'm sorry your having to live through this. As someone who's been on the receiving end of abuse, get help man, please get help.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

Crypsys said:


> You know JD, my father said the same things to my mother the first time they had a fight like that. 7 years later, they had me. Let's just say I have more then a few scars I could show you to prove how well that promise he made turned out for me and her. I know now you may be totally serious and absolute in your feelings. But if you cannot control your temper I guarantee you will snap at your kids. Kids piss parents off constantly, it's just what they do. If you don't have control, you will hit them. I know when I was your age we had our first child. I was petrified I would turn into a bastard just like my father did. But, living through what I did taught me to control my own temper. 10 years and 4 kids later I've never laid a hand on my wife or kids. There are better ways to get out your frustrations.
> 
> Listen man, above all else get anger management classes and stop the damn drinking. You have no business being in a relationship with anyone if you cannot control your temper.
> 
> ...


I am trying so hard to get help for this man. I wan't to change and I feel so guilty for how I treated her. I should never have hit her, and I live with that guilt daily. I'm going to an AA meeting at this place in Dallas tomorrow evening for the first time in my life to give it a try. Thing is I had to ask my Dad to go with me for support (which he said he'd be more than happy to do), I know its sad, but I'm so scared to do this and I'm afraid honestly. I know I sound like a [email protected]$$ saying that after I've been so abusive to my wife, but its true. I think I'm probably going to be the youngest guy there, how sad. 

I've realized I'm an alcoholic, and I know at my age that's not good, its not good at any age. I can't keep going down this road. I've already failed so much in life as it is, I don't want to be this way anymore. Y'all were right, it's not about my truck anymore (I got a loan out from my bank and I've got it in the repair shop and I've got a rental pickup to use for work until mine is fixed), its about how much of a f***ing d*ck I was to her. I just don't wan't to be a destructive guy anymore, and if I do have kids one day, I don't want to be this way to them either. My Dad told me I need to cry for once in my life, because it will help my anger, but I don't see how crying will help honestly. I've made too many people cry as it is. I know I can't change the past and I have to live with what I did to my wife, I just hope one day I can be a better guy. I'm sick of being known by all my friends and family as an abusive alcoholic who can only think with my fists.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

When you know you need wisdom, you have already had wisdom. 

Going to your father for help is the correct step. No matter how bad you have been, your parents will always be there to help you become a better man. Giving you money? NO! That is not what responsible parents would do! Help you mature! Yes! All parents want their children to have a successful life. 

You want to be a good man? Let me ask you. Do you want to be a good son? If you want to be a good son, never have your parents worry about you!!! Have you talked to your parents? I am sure they worry about you all the time. When I was young, I made my mother worry about me for a couple of years. Now I know much better not to let my mother worry about me. The only way is I live a responsible life. Now it is my turn to make my mother's life better. So talk to your parents, you can get advice from all of us, but the people who can really help you are your parents!!!


----------



## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I've made too many people cry as it is. I know I can't change the past and I have to live with what I did to my wife, I just hope one day I can be a better guy. I'm sick of being known by all my friends and family as an abusive alcoholic who can only think with my fists.


You know it sounds cliche but it is very true: The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a step. Your not going to change overnight and you can't just snap your fingers and be the person you want to be. Accept who you have been and what you have done, acknowledge it and don't suppress it. Once you have done that you then work 1 day at a time to better yourself. 

When your drilling a well, you don't just drill 1,000 feet at once and hit oil do you? It takes planning to find the site, then a lot of time drilling the well. As an oilman you know that it's not done in one day, but it's a long term effort. Also, you know it's not done with just 1 man, but a team.


----------



## lynst (Aug 13, 2010)

Complaing about her, when you are the problem. She did go overboard to destroy your truck; but I still think you should blame yourself. What she SHOULD have done was leave (like she did) and press charges against you for physical abuse. She should let you spend time in jail even if you do lose your job over it. Also, she should divorce you now. She had a right to go ballistic over you cheating on her; but you NEVER had a right to hit her. You dug your hole, now you should have to lie in it.


----------



## lynst (Aug 13, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> What do you expect? I'm only 23 f***in years old. I guess I'm too young to be married. I only proposed to her because we thought I got her pregnant, then it turned out she wasn't. Then we tried to make the marriage work, but all we did was fight. I tried to make it work, but she doesn't want nothing to do with me now this has happened. I didn't mean to hit her ok, I was just so drunk that I couldn't control myself. I nearly went to jail because of it.


Quit making excuses for your lousy behaviour; because it isn't causing anyone here to have pity on you.


----------



## lynst (Aug 13, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I am trying to change my personality, because I'm sick of being so violent and drunk all the time. I really hope I can change soon. I don't want to end up in jail because I can't stop drinking and being angry all the time. I really hope I can make someone happy soon. I really do. But I think it's going to take time.


Quit drinking period. Also, don't hang around or go places that would tempt you to drink.


----------



## lynst (Aug 13, 2010)

I read all the posts and am glad you see that you are the problem. I do hope you will come out of this a changed man.


----------



## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

"My wife vandalized my truck because I cheated on her and hit her"...

Hmmm... I guess you are lucky you weren't married to someone like Lorena Bobbitt.

Dude... you don't think that hitting your wife is a problem?! You shove your buddies, not your wife. Do you know what will happen to you if she calls the cops? You go to jail, then a year of anger management and then you get to be labeled as a wife beater.

I hops she comes to her senses and works you over.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Tell you honestly, I used to have a bad temper. I got it from my father. My father is a violent man. When I was young, I just saw him yelling, shouting and beating my mom.
> 
> Being angry all the time is not good for our health. It tends to cause us heart problems. I didn't like being angry.
> 
> ...


 Great post!


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I am trying so hard to get help for this man. I wan't to change and I feel so guilty for how I treated her. I should never have hit her, and I live with that guilt daily. I'm going to an AA meeting at this place in Dallas tomorrow evening for the first time in my life to give it a try. Thing is I had to ask my Dad to go with me for support (which he said he'd be more than happy to do), I know its sad, but I'm so scared to do this and I'm afraid honestly. I know I sound like a [email protected]$$ saying that after I've been so abusive to my wife, but its true. I think I'm probably going to be the youngest guy there, how sad.
> 
> I've realized I'm an alcoholic, and I know at my age that's not good, its not good at any age. I can't keep going down this road. I've already failed so much in life as it is, I don't want to be this way anymore. Y'all were right, it's not about my truck anymore (I got a loan out from my bank and I've got it in the repair shop and I've got a rental pickup to use for work until mine is fixed), its about how much of a f***ing d*ck I was to her. I just don't wan't to be a destructive guy anymore, and if I do have kids one day, I don't want to be this way to them either. My Dad told me I need to cry for once in my life, because it will help my anger, but I don't see how crying will help honestly. I've made too many people cry as it is. I know I can't change the past and I have to live with what I did to my wife, I just hope one day I can be a better guy. I'm sick of being known by all my friends and family as an abusive alcoholic who can only think with my fists.


 Oh, wow, you have NO idea - crying is an IMMENSE emotional release, especially for guys who try to bottle everything up. Go ahead and cry; it'll help you feel what you need to feel, so you can heal.

AA is nothing to be afraid of! Honestly, they are VERY welcoming! How could they not be? Every single person in that room has come to the same rock bottom moment as you! Please do go.

fwiw, my brother in law was an alcoholic by the time he was 12.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

moogvo said:


> "My wife vandalized my truck because I cheated on her and hit her"...
> 
> Hmmm... I guess you are lucky you weren't married to someone like Lorena Bobbitt.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I do think hitting my wife is a problem. I hate myself for it, and I regret it. I f***ed up her life, and I take full responsibility for how I've messed everything up for her. I know she she could still have me arrested, and I know what my actions can lead to, especially here in Texas.

As far as being labeled as a wife beater, my whole family and a couple of the guys I work with in the oilfields already think that of me. My mom has told me several times to my face that's what I am. You have no idea how low that makes me feel when my own mom thinks that of her only son and she's in tears when she tells me. I know that's what I am, and I am disgusted with myself.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

JD,

I'm a gunowner, a soldier and a cop. Guns are part of my life. You don't need one. Alcohol and guns don't mix and a violent temper and guns don't mix. You are, by far, the biggest threat to yourself and the best protection you can get is to fix what's between your ears. A gun in the hand of a drunk isn't much protection and it's more likely to put a bullet through your head than anyone else's. Get convicted of a domestic violence charge and you will be forever banned from owning one anyway. For your own safety, I would sell it. If you get yourself squared away, you can always buy another. You could be arrested at any time for domestic violence. I wouldn't want to stand before a judge on a domestic violence charge and have to admit I owned firearms. Far better than when the judge asks, you show that you realized you had a problem and got rid of your weapon.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi JD,

Your initial post really gave the impression that you looked at everything that's happened and how it negatively impacted you, without regard for how others around you have been affected.

In seeing your recent updates, you are beginning to understand the affect your actions have had on your wife, your family and friends. That in itself is a big step in maturity and personal growth. I am glad you were able to reach out to your dad and he is going to support you in your AA efforts. My eldest son is close to your age, and I can understand how hearing the disappointment in your mother's voice can make you feel awful, but honestly, I am quite sure she is praying for you to turn things around, because even though she is upset/worried, she still loves you.

Being a man isn't living life in Texas like a bad country song. It is creating a life of honor for yourself, and those that you love. Hang in there, make ammends for the past and look forward.


----------



## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

Still, I see some remorse from him... It's a start, Swedish!


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> JD,
> 
> I'm a gunowner, a soldier and a cop. Guns are part of my life. You don't need one. Alcohol and guns don't mix and a violent temper and guns don't mix. You are, by far, the biggest threat to yourself and the best protection you can get is to fix what's between your ears. A gun in the hand of a drunk isn't much protection and it's more likely to put a bullet through your head than anyone else's. Get convicted of a domestic violence charge and you will be forever banned from owning one anyway. For your own safety, I would sell it. If you get yourself squared away, you can always buy another. You could be arrested at any time for domestic violence. I wouldn't want to stand before a judge on a domestic violence charge and have to admit I owned firearms. Far better than when the judge asks, you show that you realized you had a problem and got rid of your weapon.


First AA meeting this evening went ok. I was the youngest guy there, but everyone there made me feel welcome. My dad went with me for support. I gotta admit that when my Dad dropped me off back at my apartment, I thanked him for going with me, but I don't know what happened, I just sorta lost it and broke down crying in front of my old man. He just took me into the apartment and made me sit down and get it all out. I told him that I'm such a failure and that I'm just some dumb kid who turned to be a lousy excuse for a son and a husband. He didn't want to hear that and told me even though I've made a lot of really bad mistakes, most importantly and the biggest mistake being abusing my wife, I can still change and make up for what I've done in the past. I haven't cried like I did earlier in years. I don't know, it was just weird in a way. 

I also got some information from AA about some anger management programs in the DFW Metroplex area I need to look into. I found out the health insurance I have through my company covers anger management treatment. So I just gotta find a therapist for it. 

Oh and another thing, I gave my Dad my gun tonight. I realized I'm too dangerous to be around it right now and he agreed. It's at my Mom and Dad's place locked up now somewhere. My Dad said he's made sure it's somewhere where I can't get to it under any circumstances, which is probably a good thing I guess. I just want to get better and try and stop being so abusive. I have a feeling that I'm in for a long rough haul, and it's going to be years before a woman might trust me again, if ever.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You've made a good start. Keep at it!


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Proud of you for getting rid of the gun, for going to the AA meeting, and at least checking out anger management. None of these programs will help unless you seriously want to change. I locked my best friend up for 12 years for attempted murder after alcohol nearly destroyed his life. He learned his lesson around age 40. If you learn your lessons now, you can still have a very long and happy life. 
I wish you all the best.


----------



## Divorce to be (Sep 15, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> So I cheated on my wife (well, soon to be ex-wife now, she's served me with divorce papers) a few weeks ago with this girl I met at a nightclub here in Dallas. I was really drunk when it happened, and it was only once. I mean I'm only 23, guys my age are entitled to make these kind of mistakes right? Well low and behold, she found out about it through one of her friends who happened to see me. She confronted me about it, and started slapping me, I wasn't going to take that, so I hit her a few times and knocked shoved her against the kitchen wall. Anyway, she left me and moved in with one of her friends, and I thought it was the end of it.
> 
> So earlier, me and one of my buddies came back from a job out in Midland (I work in the oilfields and have to go out to West Texas and the Panhandle alot), and I discovered my 2008 Silverado which was parked outside my apartment completely f***ed up. My wife did it. She smashed the windscreen in, smashed all the headlights and taillights. She also keyed it repeatedly all over the paint, and slashed all 4 of my tires. She broke the passenger and driver windows and ripped off one of my doorhandles, as well as tearing up my leather seats. She also ripped out my spark plugs and battery. To make it worse, the little tramp wrote on the hood in sharpie marker "JD IS A CHEATING LYING HICK". My neighbor claims he saw her and her friend tow my truck off and bring it back a few hours later like that. She left me a note in an envelope on the seat saying this was her way of thanking me for helping her see the light about me, and not to f*** with her or lay my hands on her again". To make it even worse, I had some of my work clothes in the truck still. She destroyed and cut up a pair of my work boots, and a pair of my cowboy boots that I had in there. They look like they've been ran through the garbage disposal. She also cut up a pair of my Wranglers that I forgot about that I had left laying on the floor of the truck. I mean I don't care about the boots and jeans so much, its my f*****g truck though.
> 
> ...



I don't know how to help you, my fellow to be divorced brother.

I have never cheated on my wife nor hit her. I hate to say this, but I have to agree with your mother. 

My suggestion, if it means anything to you, is for you to take this loss without persecuting your spouse any further. Take it like a man.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Thanks for the update, JD. I am actually relieved to hear you had a good cry with your dad by your side...you have a tough road ahead, but don't quit if you stumble & know that your dad is right along side you wanting you to be proud of who you are. I am sure he felt really good driving home knowing you are beginning to turn your life around for the better.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Great start!


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Taking the long walk back to our dreams and aspirations when we feel we've lost our way is very hard. I read these stories and have a hard time believing any of them as they are so far from my own but I respect what you are doing and it sounds as though you are on your walk back towards all that is good in you.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

Trenton said:


> Taking the long walk back to our dreams and aspirations when we feel we've lost our way is very hard. I read these stories and have a hard time believing any of them as they are so far from my own but I respect what you are doing and it sounds as though you are on your walk back towards all that is good in you.


I just hope that walk won't be too difficult, and I hope I can maybe make ammends with people whose lives I've screwed up, especially my wife more than anyone if she's willing to listen.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's the people who don't observe and learn who we look down on. Those who do harm, but then acknowledge and learn from the mistakes and improve, we admire them.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

turnera said:


> It's the people who don't observe and learn who we look down on. Those who do harm, but then acknowledge and learn from the mistakes and improve, we admire them.


Yes!


----------



## yogachick (Aug 9, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I just hope that walk won't be too difficult, and I hope I can maybe make ammends with people whose lives I've screwed up, especially my wife more than anyone if she's willing to listen.


Keep on keeping on JD....so proud of you!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

turnera said:


> It's the people who don't observe and learn who we look down on. Those who do harm, but then acknowledge and learn from the mistakes and improve, we admire them.


:iagree: I myself have learned a lot of hard lessons in my life. I fell, I got up, I learned not to make the same mistake again. I perfect, I become a better person. People had looked down me. I didn't look down on myself. Now I go home, I can smile at people, and let them see how wonderful my life is.
Now I see young people seeking help, I am just so happy that they want advice and they want to change. We can't change others, but we can change ourselves.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I just hope that walk won't be too difficult, and I hope I can maybe make ammends with people whose lives I've screwed up, especially my wife more than anyone if she's willing to listen.


JD, I am 37. You are 23. When I was a teenager, I made my mom very worried. I was very rebellious. I was a very good student at school, then I started to become rebellious in junior high. I had sex with men( it was very disgraceful for a Chinese girl to do that at that time). I quit school. I ran away from home. I did a lot of silly things. My mom is just a countryside woman, she didn't know what to do with me. She let me run wild. My sister later told me that my mom couldn't sleep well for a long time. I am thankful towards my mom because no matter how bad I became, whenever I went home, she was there for me. She never scolded me, she just provided me with love there. I always had a home to go to when I was tired. I was very tired after being rebellious for two years. I wanted to be good again. When I was 19, I went back to school again. I went to a university and study. That's where I learned to speak English. I paid money and sat in the classroom with other students. I missed my whole senior high. My classmates had three more years of education than me. Anyway, I studied hard. I learned to speak better English than they did. 
I failed my first marriage, because I made a bad decision again. Anyway, life is full of difficulties, but we have to learn our lesson and change. It is never late to change. 
Look at all the attention and help you get here. We all want you to become a better man. We want your life to be peaceful.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

Kaylla88 said:


> Removed/Violated Forum Guidelines


Look I'm doing the best I can to get help. I'm going to AA meetings, and I'm trying to get into Anger Management therapy alright? I know I shouldn't have hit my wife. God, how many more times do I gotta keep saying that I know I'm wrong and evil for abusing her the way I did. I gotta live with my actions for the rest of my life now. My family and friends are never going to think of me the same again, from now on they are only gonna think of me as a drunk and a wife beater. That breaks me apart that they think that of me, but its my own fault, I know that. I'm trying to control my anger, I really am. It don't take a sudden overnight change for me to become a different guy. It takes time, and I'm doing the best I can alright.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

JD, remember that new people are coming to these threads all the time.


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

turnera said:


> JD, remember that new people are coming to these threads all the time.


Bless you Turnera. Humanity is what it's all about.

Bob


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I responded to your initial post quite some time ago, and was quite harsh in my assessment of you, based on how you wrote and what you said. You sounded very selfish, arrogant, immature, and just plain ridiculous. 

I came back today to read some more, and am glad to see you have begun to realize that you were wrong and are working on changing. Your age is no excuse for what you have done, BUT it does mean you can still have a much better, much happier, long life once you do change. 

Keep following the path you are on now, and things will get better. Don't go back to who you were when I read your first post; that person was not someone you want to be.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> Look I'm doing the best I can to get help. I'm going to AA meetings, and I'm trying to get into Anger Management therapy alright? I know I shouldn't have hit my wife. God, how many more times do I gotta keep saying that I know I'm wrong and evil for abusing her the way I did. I gotta live with my actions for the rest of my life now. My family and friends are never going to think of me the same again, from now on they are only gonna think of me as a drunk and a wife beater. That breaks me apart that they think that of me, but its my own fault, I know that. I'm trying to control my anger, I really am. It don't take a sudden overnight change for me to become a different guy. It takes time, and I'm doing the best I can alright.


When I read posts, I just read the first one or two, if the posts are interesting, I continue for one or two pages. From your first page, you deserve some scolding, but now we all want you to become better, we have seen your change in your attitude. Please don't feel bad that your family and friends are treating you with weird looks, they won't change their opinion for a while, it will take one or two years for them to notice your change(If you ARE changing). Please don't feel bad, as long as you are clothed and sheltered. We don't live to please people, but we shouldn't hurt people either. 
Once I read a sentence: If we care too much about what other people think of us, then we haven't done well to protect our hearts. Good comments or bad comments, they are people's comments. Please don't let it bother us too much. 
But please remember, we should never hurt others, then we have the conscience to stand up for ourselves. 
What happened had already happened, we can't change, but we can make sure we don't do it again. 
Please remember, we care about you, a lot of us care about you. Just have this in your heart and be A GOOD MAN!!!
A few years later, your family will be impressed by you!!!


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

Thanks. Everyday seems like a struggle though. I've been going to AA and it is helping, but sometimes I still feel like I need a shot of something to calm down, especially if I pass a bar or something coming back from an extremely long and tiring day at work. But I think that would be the easy way out.

I met with my wife in the lawyer's office earlier today in Downtown Dallas. First time I'd seen her in weeks and she treated me like I wasn't even there. She was saying everything through the attorney. I got sick of it in the end and just asked her angrily if we could just talk at least for a few minutes so I can apologize to her, even if she wouldn't accept it. 

She told me straight out that my apology means nothing to her because in her words I am nothing. I honestly don't blame her, I regret the way I treated her. I'm not proud of it, but I really wanted to start yelling at her at one point, I started to lose control of my anger because I was getting so frustrated talking to her through a lawyer. I know I shouldn't have, but I ended up pounding my fist down really hard on the table of the lawyer's office and yelled out to her "God D*amnit" out of frustration. I'm not proud of it, and I tried to control my anger, but it slipped today. She just said to her lawyer that this was exactly what she was talking about. At least I was able to tell her in person though that I was sorry and I regret everything and that I caused what could of been is down the drain now even if she didn't want to listen to me. I have my first anger management session this week, so I'm trying to be positive. -JD


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> Thanks. Everyday seems like a struggle though. I've been going to AA and it is helping, but sometimes I still feel like I need a shot of something to calm down, especially if I pass a bar or something coming back from an extremely long and tiring day at work. But I think that would be the easy way out.
> 
> I met with my wife in the lawyer's office earlier today in Downtown Dallas. First time I'd seen her in weeks and she treated me like I wasn't even there. She was saying everything through the attorney. I got sick of it in the end and just asked her angrily if we could just talk at least for a few minutes so I can apologize to her, even if she wouldn't accept it.
> 
> She told me straight out that my apology means nothing to her because in her words I am nothing. I honestly don't blame her, I regret the way I treated her. I'm not proud of it, but I really wanted to start yelling at her at one point, I started to lose control of my anger because I was getting so frustrated talking to her through a lawyer. I know I shouldn't have, but I ended up pounding my fist down really hard on the table of the lawyer's office and yelled out to her "God D*amnit" out of frustration. I'm not proud of it, and I tried to control my anger, but it slipped today. She just said to her lawyer that this was exactly what she was talking about. At least I was able to tell her in person though that I was sorry and I regret everything and that I caused what could of been is down the drain now even if she didn't want to listen to me. I have my first anger management session this week, so I'm trying to be positive. -JD


JD, I understand your frustration. You feel sorry, and she doesn't want to accept your apology. It hurts when people don't want to forgive us and still treat us like the old sinner. She was hurt, so she has a wall built up in her heart now. If she doesn't want to choose to forgive you, she is going to live with resentment in her heart, actually it's not good for her. But you can't change her thinking. If you lose control in front of her, it only tells her what she is doing is right. I know it is not that possible for you to act like a mature gentleman right now since you are going through so much frustration. 
Please just remember what you are going through now is only a short period in your life. 
We all have highs and lows in our lives. When we are at the top, we have to be careful so we don't fall. But when we are at the bottom, please remember: we are just taking a break, so we can start to climb. Nobody's life has always being easy. 
Addiction is not that easy to get rid of. But please please please learn to control. You know that consequence, if you don't control, you are going to end up badly. You are only 23. You have just started your life. 
One day you will find a wonderful woman again to walk with you together. You are going to be proud of yourself. We will all be happy for you!!!!!


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Please seek encouragement from your father, from your mother, from mature man who are wise. Nobody wants to see a young man get lost. They will give you all the help you need. And please remember, only you yourself can save you!!!!!


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

JD, 

You'll just have to accept that you've done a lot of damage and she's earned the right to think poorly of you. That's cool. On the bright side, at a very early age, you recognized a problem in your life and you are striving to fix it. That's very commendable. You didn't develop these problems overnight and they aren't going away overnight. Give yourself a bunch of credit for trying and be patient.
The end of this story might have her in it and it might have someone you love even more. It hasn't been written yet and we don't get to peek. Just take one day at a time. Be content with little victories and leave the overall battle plan in God's hands. You will probably have more court or lawyer meetings. You know these will be stressful, so mentally prepare yourself before you go in. They are expecting to see a violent, out of control, alcoholic kid. Pounding on the table won't impress them. They expect that. Show them the man that you know you can be. 
It will be hard, but you can make it easier on yourself. Find a job or hobby where you will stay busy and be surrounded by men you want to be like. You don't need a lot of free time right now. I'm a pretty good judge of character and I've just got a great feeling that you're going to whip this thing and be more than you or anyone else ever dreamed possible. One day at a time!


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

I guess one day at a time is all I can do now. I really am trying to work on my anger though. I'm going to try and mentally prepare myself for the next lawyer's meeting.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

crystal226 said:


> Am I the only person that thinks this post is a joke?
> 
> If it isn't wow you are messed up and your ex is out of line too. Seek help!


Is there a purpose for your post? JD has come a long way, and many of us are here to encourage him. Apparently you haven't even bothered to read the entire thread--HE IS SEEKING HELP!


----------



## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

OMG- You are sitting there acting like it is not "No big deal that you cheated on your wife" So, what if you are 23 or 43 it does not give you, any right to cheat on someone you are with... When you take someone in with marriage, and your vows you, are marrying that person because you, love then and because you are in love them as well. If you, are going to go out drinking well, then make sure you are able to hold the damn crap in- make sure you are not going to be getting drunk, then going off with some girl- and then at that act like it isn't a big deal. Just like if you are who would cause fights as well, do not be drinking then if it is going to happen...

Then you, are asking other males if it is okay- to be doing this due to you are young. Hello- it does not matter you are married you should have kept it in your pants. Even when you are engaged with someone, dating them "*YOU DO NOT CHEAT- YOU ARE WITH THEM AND THEM ONLY" *You, have no clue what the hell is out there now days; it is not like before- STDS are very well, known now and a lot of people have them. So, what if you had a condom on or not- you still cheated and it is not right. Back 17 years ago when I married- because my folks thought they had to kick me out due to them not having enough money to take care of the three of us (I am the youngest) Here I am now still married with the same MAN- who is way older than I am- so you are saying (It was okay for me to cheat to on back then because I was only 15 years old, and I was able to cheat on him up to 23 like you are and then say oh, it is not no big deal I am young) Well, no it is not okay and if your wife did this to you, you would have also been hurt and took it out on her as well, as she did you...

You, also need to learn how not to be hitting on women- so what she hit you, cause you were a ***** and cheated on her- I would also be hurt thinking that you loved me and then you, went off got drunk and cheated on me... You, really have no clue on what love is and what it means to be in love or being in marriage with someone. When you are married- your heart belongs to that one person and that one person only. You, do not go around looking to get it else where- there is more in life then just SEX- yes, it is a big part of being with someone- but it is not everything though... Your, wife she did the right thing and left-you, so sound like the type who would always be cheating and then say "Oh well" I also know this- _*IT IS NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE CHEATED EITHER- IT IS JUST THE FIRST TIME YOU WERE CAUGHT!*_
Now no it is not right that she did all of that to your truck- but you know she is not the one who is the tramp though- she isn't the one who, was going out sleeping around on you, now was she? Now, if people seen her doing this why, didn't they call the police? why, didn't you press charges on her? how do you really know though that those people were not lying? Well, I damn well know you do not have that truck paid off- then get brought in and get the damn thing fixed and stop crying that you, need to work and need it for work- get the thing fix then. You, did bring it on yourself though by cheating and then by *ABUSING HER*- I was abused myself for over five years and now my husband does not abuse me anymore though but it happen and I tell you, It does hurt us females when our men do that to us- someone that we love so much and someone we trust. 

-ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER- 

You, can always just call the police get a report and act like you have no clue of what happen that you were out for the night came home and this is what you came home too.... Yes, you know damn well, she would tell the cops you hit her- you know she would. I also do not buy it was only one time of you cheating on her- and it does not matter though- you broke your vows to her... 

Your mother is also a smart women- right there shows you, you have done wrong, and that you were not thinking with the right head- it was only the head you, wanted to think with and it was not the one with the brain either.... If you have a record of hitting your wife you will not EVER be able to own a gun- you do have that right and by the way you seem to be- you do not need one either... _*SEE YOU ARE SO DUMB YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW- YOU CAN CALL THE COPS ON HER AND LET THEM KNOW WHAT SHE HAS DONE--- YES YOU CAN*_


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

This guy has GOT to be a troll. My faith in humanity is already a bit shaky. But if this guy is for real, I am moving to Antarctica.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> This guy has GOT to be a troll. My faith in humanity is already a bit shaky. But if this guy is for real, I am moving to Antarctica.


Well, I guess your faith in humanity just got a little bit shakier, because I'm definitely real. 

As for BLue Eyed Beauty you went a little overboard with the color scheme didn't ya. Y'all can think whatcha like about me. I know I'm wrong for what I did. I can't change the past though. I never cheated any other time on her either. Just that one time. Ya, it was wrong I know, but I never did it any other time.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

JD,

Don't take these last few comments too seriously. These folks have not read the entire thread. Please keep on working on yourself. There are a lot of us pulling for you!


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

JD, I think maybe it is a better idea for you to delete this thread, because a lot of new comers just read a few posts and then started screaming and yelling. They are the ones who only look at you from the day you made the mistake, they don't look at you from the day you are now. 

The regulars here know what is going on, we see the change in you, we know that you made a mistake, who doesn't make mistakes! Those people think they are saints, people who shout out loud are not that great! 

Good people only help, they don't do insults.

827Aug is really caring for you. She stood up for you several times already. Even I find it touching.

Nobody is perfect in this world, no man is perfect, no woman is perfect. We all have problems, so please don't feel too bad about out past, but we do have to learn our lesson, and become a better person now and in the future.


----------



## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> No my Mom and Dad won't loan me the money to repair the truck, they won't even speak to me right now. I guess I'll just have to go to my bank and get one instead. The repair estimate is more than I can afford. All because she had to go on her little revenge trip. I mean yeah, I was wrong I suppose too, but she didn't have to do that. If I lose my job I'm screwed. Guess I'll have to find somewhere else to work if I get fired, cause I don't want to leave Dallas. I only get aggressive towards people and start trying to fight and yell when I drink. If she doesn't want to be with me, why should I even try and stay married to her. We are both 23, it's not like we can't find better relationships.




(I read this part on you knowing you need help) I am glad though you, do know you, do need help. When I read your post here, I lost it- seeing for one of what you, said and acting like it wasn't a big deal on cheating on your wife; then hitting her. It really was not right on your part either. I am glad though you, know you were the one who was in the wrong, and the one who, does need the help. You, never really know- once your wife sees you are going to the AA classes and changing for the better she, just may come back to you... That is if only you are going to allow her too... I am sorry for my other listing on here that I wrote to you. But seeing that I was also one who was abused for so many years, and it just kind of made me upset- and then how you thought it was alright to cheat due to your age. That was another thing that was upsetting. But the good thing though is you're getting the help


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JD, Its good that you are looking to change for the better or why else would you be on this site, so some times you will get beat up and sometimes you'll get engouragement, I quess we all post for one reason or another.

I find my self posting just to vent and some time I,m looking for perspective. I have on some occasion wrote some things that sounded bad, but understand, some folk are posting because they too are looking to cope with their issues. So may take is everyone here needs a little help & advise, and each have there own opinion, and we sign in to read them, good or bad. 

It's good to see BEB stopped with the color coding.


----------



## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

JD- I have been reading your thread from the beginning, and DO NOT let the people posting on here keep you from holding your chin up. Was I upset by your 1st post, yes, I thought you were an ass****! But NO ONE can say you are one now that you truly want to improve! And it can be done! My man had beat me up so severely that I ended up in the hospital and him in jail. He too is an alcoholic. Court asked me if I wanted him to spend time in jail or if I thought counseling would be of help to him. I chose the counseling for him because I seen there was some hope for him. He was made to go to anger management and AA for 2yrs. He did not miss one appt. He hated it at first, but then realized it really was helping. That was over 10yrs ago and he has NEVER laid another hand on me. PEOPLE CAN CHANGE!! All it takes is the desire to do so and a commitment to changing your life. I hope that helps for encouragement.


----------



## countrygirl (Jul 6, 2010)

If I were you I'd be thankful she pulled a Carrie Underwood on you instead of a Miranda Lambert.

Being 23 doesn't entitle you to cheat and assault your wife. If you're looking for sympathy you'll have to look elsewhere because you won't get it from me.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JD,
I think the last to post from CG and SL have mad my point LOL


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

TexasJD said:


> I am trying to change my personality, because I'm sick of being so violent and drunk all the time. I really hope I can change soon. I don't want to end up in jail because I can't stop drinking and being angry all the time. I really hope I can make someone happy soon. I really do. But I think it's going to take time.


my brother struggles with drinking, too. he tried AA meetings but it didnt work for him. he talked to his doctor and is now taking a pill that stops the cravings. I cant remember what it is called but you might talk to a doctor about your options. 

the anger doesnt go away though. might get worse when you stop drinking. counseling is always good.


----------



## larky (Nov 27, 2009)

I have to make a comment.

Oprah Winfrey made this comment as to what propelled her to success and that is "YOU are ultimately responsible for your own actions!" 

What you do, what you say, where you go and who you hang out will will have a positive or negative impact on your life. If you hang out with buddies who drink..do you think this will discourage you from drinking again? 

I would step away from the mess you made of your self and just apologize to your wife. no she may not come back but at least, you are doing something positive. May I recommend you watch Welcome To FireProofMyMarriage.com and watch the movie. You may really learn from it. 

Woman are very sensitive and get emotionally hurt really easily. I know, my wife is like this.


----------



## TexasJD (Sep 11, 2010)

I am working on Anger Management. I am making good progress. I also haven't had a drink in several weeks. I still have a long way to go in improving my life, and turning myself around. Thanks to those of y'all who've shown me support. I know I'm not perfect, and I also know I can't erase my past.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

But it sounds like you are molding yourself into a responsible mature young man.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I am working on Anger Management. I am making good progress. I also haven't had a drink in several weeks. I still have a long way to go in improving my life, and turning myself around. Thanks to those of y'all who've shown me support. I know I'm not perfect, and I also know I can't erase my past.


I am happy to know that you are making good progress. It is OK that the way is long as long as you get to the destination. YOU are going the right direction, that's the most important thing!!!



None of us are perfect, none of us can erase our past. Past was in the past. What we should focus on is present and future. Learn from our past, live for present, plan for future.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

JD, hang in there! You're going to get there.


----------



## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

TexasJD said:


> I am trying so hard to get help for this man. I wan't to change and I feel so guilty for how I treated her. I should never have hit her, and I live with that guilt daily. I'm going to an AA meeting at this place in Dallas tomorrow evening for the first time in my life to give it a try. Thing is I had to ask my Dad to go with me for support (which he said he'd be more than happy to do), I know its sad, but I'm so scared to do this and I'm afraid honestly. I know I sound like a [email protected]$$ saying that after I've been so abusive to my wife, but its true. I think I'm probably going to be the youngest guy there, how sad.
> 
> I've realized I'm an alcoholic, and I know at my age that's not good, its not good at any age. I can't keep going down this road. I've already failed so much in life as it is, I don't want to be this way anymore. Y'all were right, it's not about my truck anymore (I got a loan out from my bank and I've got it in the repair shop and I've got a rental pickup to use for work until mine is fixed), its about how much of a f***ing d*ck I was to her. I just don't wan't to be a destructive guy anymore, and if I do have kids one day, I don't want to be this way to them either. My Dad told me I need to cry for once in my life, because it will help my anger, but I don't see how crying will help honestly. I've made too many people cry as it is. I know I can't change the past and I have to live with what I did to my wife, I just hope one day I can be a better guy. I'm sick of being known by all my friends and family as an abusive alcoholic who can only think with my fists.


You want to know why your dad told you to have a good cry and it would help? It's because your inability to cry has made you out of touch with your emotions. That is in part why you feel so out of control and full of rage. That is by no means an excuse for hitting someone. I'm glad you are going to get some help. It's going to be a long path. Don't expect to be better in one day. Honestly, when you process all of this and try to put yourself in your wife's shoes, you will understand that you hurt her far worse inside and out than whatever she did to your truck. It's too bad that you can't just fork over some cash, haul your wife to a repair shop and have her good as new by monday like your truck. If your wife won't speak to you(and that is understandable right now), then maybe you can write her a letter outlining that you are deeply sorry for hurting her, that you behaved like a jerk and are taking some classes to prevent from hurting anyone again. It's just an idea, but the words have to come from your heart if you really want to help her heal. It may help you to collect your thoughts too.


----------



## byrdie (Oct 10, 2010)

Wow! You should be feeling pretty foolish right about now! I'd go after the woman as well.Women who sleep with married men are a waste of perfectly good air. I.m in your wives place right now. It's fortunate for my cheating husband, that I still have a child at home. Drunk or not , You broke a trust, and it will never be there again.There is no worse feeling in the world than feeling like a chump. Did you expect to get some redemption here? Cry me a river buddy, You deserve what you get two fold!


----------

