# Its finally come down to this.....



## onemorethought (Oct 17, 2011)

Ok, so i have posted several things about my marriage recently and tonight was a big blow out. So i say to him, "I am going to ask you one more time to go to counseling to try and save this marriage". His response was "I refuse to go to counseling for anyone or any reason". So then ask for a trial separation and to my surprise he states that he will not be married and separated, that if I wanted to separate, then we are getting divorced and we are getting divorced now and he isn't going to let me get anything out of it. 

Ok, so here I am, we have had so many problems and after ten years find it hard to get out BUT, if he isn't even willing to do what we should do to work it out, then why fight anymore...

I will say that he isn't going to take everything, he will have a fight on that. 

How can a man who claims he loves his wife and knows that there are big issues in the marriage, just plainly say that he will do nothing to make it better?

Am I crazy here?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

what are the problems? Have either one of you been unfaithful?


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## onemorethought (Oct 17, 2011)

He was sexting two years ago and it still haunts me. I have never cheated or even came close. 

There is no emotional connection between us and he recognizes that but states that there doesn't have to be and he will never have that connection with me. He has told me that sleeping with me makes him ill and he hates it. He has expressed to me that he wants a marriage of convenience, a marriage with no emotional connection, no intimacy, no love making, nothing!!! Again, how does a woman stay in that situation? 

He has four children by different mothers and I accepted that in the beginning but now come to find out there is another child who was born before the marriage.

I have gone through this in my head so many times, can I do this, can I live with a man who only looks at me as a piece of furniture. 

He is a good dad and a good provider, but husband material, he is no! I can't live the rest of my life like that. 

He shows no emotion with any of this, I asked him if he had any feelings at all and he just shrugged his shoulders. He tells me he loves me but isn't willing to do what we have to do to make it work. It isn't fair and it isn't justified. Is our relationship a way to really teach our children about good positive relationships?

Again, am I the crazy one?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

onemorethought said:


> He was sexting two years ago and it still haunts me. I have never cheated or even came close.
> 
> There is no emotional connection between us and he recognizes that but states that there doesn't have to be and he will never have that connection with me. He has told me that sleeping with me makes him ill and he hates it. He has expressed to me that he wants a marriage of convenience, a marriage with no emotional connection, no intimacy, no love making, nothing!!! Again, how does a woman stay in that situation?
> 
> ...


Nope. You should leave. Don't stay with a man who will never treat you right. There is no such thing as a marriage of convience, marriage takes work from both spouses. I'm sorry but it's time to go.


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## onemorethought (Oct 17, 2011)

No sorrys needed, you are right! Thanks for the chat!


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Don't live your life like furniture. 

If he refuses to be with you physically at all and says it makes him ill, then he is probably physically involved with someone else. I'm sorry to have to say that, but that's what I think. Consider looking for proof (keyloggers, voice activated recorders, checking phone records, GPS on the car -- lots of similar advice on the "Coping with Infidelity" forum), because it will give you some leverage in your divorce; I say this only because you suggest that he is going to try to keep you from getting anything out of the marriage, which seems really unfair if he is cheating...

I know that this is probably very painful for you at the moment, but you deserve better than to be treated like furniture.

Go through with the divorce and get a good lawyer, if you can. If he's a good dad, then he will be there for his kids no matter what. However, YOU should not be putting up with that kind of treatment. You deserve better!!!! Even if better means being alone, at least you can value your own company and not have to feel bad about yourself because of his neglect.


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