# Love vs Like



## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

Uh, I was reading a post on this section of the forum and one of the members asked how can a WS suddenly say after years that they aren't "in love" with the LS anymore? That question was in my mind for a while because it was a great point, it got me thinking back to this book I read that made a point on love. The book said, mirroring my own views on love, that love is not a feeling. It defined love as "the commitment to the true good of another," it is not a feeling as many seem to understand it. Basically, you can love someone without liking them. Case in point, I love my parents dearly and would do anything for them but, for most of my adult life, I haven't really liked them as a people. 

The book further went on to explain that one of the issues with love in society today is that people assume that love is a feeling and that they will feel a certain way about a person that they have tied themselves to until death do them part. Well, that can be a long time and it's virtually impossible to feel the same way about a person for one year let along 5, 10, 15, etc. 

I think this is were the other definition can help a great deal, if people look at it from the committment aspect, it'd be a lot easier to stay faithful since you wouldn't factor your feelings into it. Case in point, before I said I'd do anything for my parents even though I don't always like them. Liking them doesn't even factor into it, if they ask, it's done. 

Of course that's just me and I could be wrong but I posted this because I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

MisguidedMiscreant said:


> Uh, I was reading a post on this section of the forum and one of the members asked how can a WS suddenly say after years that they aren't "in love" with the LS anymore? That question was in my mind for a while because it was a great point, it got me thinking back to this book I read that made a point on love. The book said, mirroring my own views on love, that love is not a feeling. It defined love as "the commitment to the true good of another," it is not a feeling as many seem to understand it. Basically, you can love someone without liking them. Case in point, I love my parents dearly and would do anything for them but, for most of my adult life, I haven't really liked them as a people.
> 
> The book further went on to explain that one of the issues with love in society today is that people assume that love is a feeling and that they will feel a certain way about a person that they have tied themselves to until death do them part. Well, that can be a long time and it's virtually impossible to feel the same way about a person for one year let along 5, 10, 15, etc.
> 
> ...


That is exactly what it is, and it is a choice. Even the language conspires to make people think that they have no control over how they feel. They "fall in love" not decide to love. Their spouse" makes" them feel the way they do. They don't change how they see him/her. They begin to rewrite the history of their marriage. They allow themselves to discount the rights of the spouse and demonize them so they aren't slowed down too much by feelings of guilt because over their betrayal.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

oaksthorne said:


> That is exactly what it is, and it is a choice. Even the language conspires to make people think that they have no control over how they feel. They "fall in love" not decide to love. Their spouse" makes" them feel the way they do. They don't change how they see him/her. They begin to rewrite the history of their marriage. They allow themselves to discount the rights of the spouse and demonize them so they aren't slowed down too much by feelings of guilt because over their betrayal.


You are exactly right. I can't agree more with either of the posts. This post is as close to the biblical concept of love I've seen without having any biblical reference. 

I think another issue that is prevalent in relationships of this day is co-dependency. I've heard too many people say that the other person doesn't make them happy. When you depend on somebody else to make you happy, the problem is you. 

People also don't understand that the feelings that were present during the courting stage was not love. They were really simply lusting after or infatuated with the other. That doesn't last for long. Eventually, you will see the real person and not a representative of who that person is. That's when you really know if you love or not.


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