# HELP, I LOST MY MOJO! Kinky nymph becomes asexual



## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

Age: 24
Married for: 7 months
Not officially divorced yet, but my ex husband left me 6 months ago. Since then I have been in a very dark place, one that includes asexuality.

Before I met my STBX, I had always been very sexual. It was safe to say I had the libido of a 16 year old boy. I was very reckless and wanted sex often and with many men. I loved trying everything from golden showers, BDSM, trading places etc except for group sex. When I met my STBX, I was completely devoted to him, we would have sex 2-5 times daily. I was horny all the time until I got pregnant. 

Fast forward to now, I am hopelessly asexual. Not saying that I don't get sexually aroused, but I can't find any guy who does it for me anymore. I am not attracted to anyone and find most men ugly. I can appreciate supermodels and think they're hot but I wouldn't want to have sex with them. I tried everything to feel different, gay porn couldn't even help me!! I feel like a rock. 6 months I haven't even relieved myself once... I am also severely depressed, could that be causing my lack of sex drive?

I am on a quest to get over my ex, and for that I feel like I need to first regain my sexuality again so I can at least meet other people and be attracted to them, whether or not sex is involved. 

The 1st guy I dated post-separation was definitely an 8 but he was boring and I didn't want sex with him either. I went out with the 2nd guy yesterday - he was a 7, Irish, good looking, tall, intelligent, talkative, fun, silly, hardworking, all the things I like in a man. We had such a fun time out, even smoked hash. But no matter how much I forced it, I just wasn't sexually attracted to him AT ALL. I'd feel the exact same towards any woman for example. He was very much so into me and wants to see me again. I remember when I got home all I could think about was my wedding day, how perfect it was, the dreams I had for the future..... I then bawled for 10 minutes straight.

I am still very hurt and not over my STBX, but I am determined to heal and move past this. Is it normal? Should I wait it out, learn to be by myself until my sexuality possibly comes back or should I actively work on it? I thought perhaps to screw dating and just hook up with the hottest guys I can get..maybe try gangbangs or join an orgy? Perhaps sh*t like that might reignite my spark? Or is that a recipe for disaster and a mental breakdown waiting to happen...?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You lost your MOJO and cannot get horny.

I lost my Martian head mate yesterday and cannot get my Blarney.
.................................................................................................

Different scenarios, same outcome.

The Doldrums.
Lethargy.

You are depressed.
Me? Obsessed.
Waiting for the Trill, to be given by Nemesis.
The thunderous Uttered Vibe that will bring me back to life.

You?
Waiting for the Thrill..
Given by a male, one not shrill.

A male, that will fill the void..
In your heart, one you cannot by will, avoid.

One that will open that closed-flap void.
Working your mind, via it's slap-dappery, bone-tone tune.

One, bringing first, your lusty mind back to life.
Then the sensory channel, now turned off.
To what it was, when thou was wife.

Wife to an undeserving man.

You have separated from him.
But not from his penis, nor of his hands.
He still holds you in his selfish grasp.
Not allowing your mind nor your parts to function without him.

Go to a Catholic Priest, and be exorcised from this onerous selfish demon who will not let go, will not leave your dreams.
This demon of yesterday who shuts off your lust and your passion.

Let him fear what he delivers. If you cut him off thusly, his grasp, his penis withers.
Let your imagination show his hand letting go, his body crumple, his manhood retreating so backward it turns into a bump...then into nothing.

He is then nothing and you are free.
Free to take up and inhale air, to inhale men. Their hot breath filling you up again.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> You lost your MOJO and cannot get horny.
> 
> I lost my Martian head mate yesterday and cannot get my Blarney.
> .................................................................................................
> ...


Lol thanks, that was very enlightening to say the least. It's nice knowing you can relate too.

Perhaps that's just it. I am still in love with him. I have already filed for divorce but at this point we have gone completely cold no contact, so the decree wouldn't make a difference. I am trying so hard but can't seem to let him go though! 

I'm not sure if the fastest way to feeling like myself and start fancying men again is to take time off from dating & sex or just dive into it & have sex like bunnies. I told myself I wouldn't want sex outside of a relationship but any relationship can't happen if I'm an asexual amoeba.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
My opinion is that if you were truly in love with your STXH then you are grieving the loss. To many "love" is nothing more than a concept that they cannot fully grasp however, if you truly know love, then you must allow yourself time to get over this trauma. It will happen when you are ready. I would not think throwing caution to the wind and "having sex like bunnies" would be the prudent. Allow yourself the time necessary to process, accept and heal from your loss. I would not be in a big hurry to "bury" my feelings and would think it more beneficial to work through and accept them. I wish you good fortune.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Grieving the loss of your marriage,depression,busy with new baby.

Why did he leave? Hows your baby? 

Pregnancy can change your hormones and that could be part of the puzzle. 

You don't mention your baby except that you were pregnant. Did you misscarrage?

That can really be hard to deal with. For both man and wife.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> My opinion is that if you were truly in love with your STXH then you are grieving the loss. To many "love" is nothing more than a concept that they cannot fully grasp however, if you truly know love, then you must allow yourself time to get over this trauma. It will happen when you are ready. I would not think throwing caution to the wind and "having sex like bunnies" would be the prudent. Allow yourself the time necessary to process, accept and heal from your loss. I would not be in a big hurry to "bury" my feelings and would think it more beneficial to work through and accept them. I wish you good fortune.


Thank you. You made an interesting point how many cannot grasp "love" - to them it is simply infatuation or having the relationship status. Everyone I know tells me to forget him and can't understand why I haven't moved on in 6 months. I feel pressured to date around like others. My cousin only just got out of a long term relationship and a month later she's moved on. I know my ex has moved on too, but I can't...

Yes I loved him truly with every fibre of my being but I took him for granted, unsurprisingly he wasn't happy. However I mustn't blame myself for the hurtful manner in which he left - walking out the door, abandoning his wife & child. That was his choice. The night before, he told me he loved me and the next day, he cut me off completely...

You are right, "sex like bunnies" would be taking it too far. My body is telling me to be alone anyway, clearly. I don't know what I am thinking anymore. I am often told by friends to go play the field and meet guys to get him off my mind but I doubt any of them understand grief the way you or the folks at TAM would.

I don't know how to turn down this nice Irish fella, however. I feel awful. I don't like rejecting people.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Tell the irish guy the truth that your not ready for any type of serious relationship!


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Grieving the loss of your marriage,depression,busy with new baby.
> 
> Why did he leave? Hows your baby?
> 
> ...


He left 3 weeks post-partum. I was a ***** and unstable prior to marriage, when I got pregnant we tied the knot & things got better, or so I thought. I was working very hard in preparation for her birth, he seemed happy and always affectionate. When my daughter was born, I was very stressed out and rarely left the house. I didn't give him much attention or quality time. I was sleep-deprived and didn't have time to shower sometimes. Perhaps he felt neglected & was being distant towards our child too. We had one argument 2 days before he left & one on that fateful friday. He hasn't seen our child since.

My dearest daughter is almost 7 months' old now and she is thriving! Being a mother is taxing but so rewarding, especially when you see your child smile. I have found childcare places thankfully but it can get lonely sometimes. Thank you for asking, dear xx


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Tell the irish guy the truth that your not ready for any type of serious relationship!


He is REALLY nice though and a ton of fun, I really enjoyed spending time with him, but just as a friend. Unfortunately, many men seem to think people of the opposite sex can't be just friends.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> He is REALLY nice though and a ton of fun, I really enjoyed spending time with him, but just as a friend. Unfortunately, *many men seem to think people of the opposite sex can't be just friends.*


Male/female friends. One can, the other cannot. That is the odds, and the odds rule.
.......................................................................................................................

On men, when you date a guy you date two. The taller one has nice wavy Irish hair.

The other is bald, has a small shiny head that rarely sees sunlight.
That one likes dark, warm, damp, cramped-quartered caves.

The little guy hates to be friend zoned.

With most men.....the little guy rules.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Louise McCann said:
> 
> 
> > He is REALLY nice though and a ton of fun, I really enjoyed spending time with him, but just as a friend. Unfortunately, *many men seem to think people of the opposite sex can't be just friends.*
> ...


HAHAHAH your best post by far ? accurate to the T.

Wait are you a man or woman?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> He is REALLY nice though and a ton of fun, I really enjoyed spending time with him, but just as a friend. Unfortunately, many men seem to think people of the opposite sex can't be just friends.


I don't think they can unless they arn't attracted to eachother. If he thinks your hot then in the back of his mind hes always going to be thinking he has a chance.

They can be fwb! But somone usually gets hurt.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> Age: 24
> Married for: 7 months
> Not officially divorced yet, but my ex husband left me 6 months ago. Since then I have been in a very dark place, one that includes asexuality.
> 
> ...


Don't look to sex to fix your sadness. I may make it worse. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe you can get to know these guys without the endorphins and everything that comes with it clouding your judgment. Who long were you with your ex? He doesn't sound like he was all in.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> HAHAHAH your best post by far ? accurate to the T.
> 
> Wait are you a man or woman?


Holy Schmoley. :surprise:

A real Neophyte, thou art.

Martians are all men. There are no women on Mars. Women come from Venus.
Ulysses, was the Martian in SunCMars. He resided in his sack. Sack as in scrotum. Only men sport these.
Now a ghost, SunCMars could not fulfill his warrior duties as seen fit per Ulysses. So Ulysses abandoned his friend in favor of joining the battle with the Red Queen.
Where have you been?

Ulysses is a lesser god and has powers outside what Mortals possess.
Now the orbs that keep SunCMars alive have been buried. SunC's days are numbered.

He is hoping that his bosomed buddy Nemesis can bring him back to life. She promised to do this. But so far has reneged on this promise.

Get with it, kid! :grin2:


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Holy Schmoley.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Erm are you saying your penis took over & you succumbed to sex addiction while your true self is ...lost?

No idea what you just said but a man who spouts nonsensical poetry is pretty cool in my books. Too bad you're older than my dad lol


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> Erm are you saying your penis took over & you succumbed to sex addiction while your true self is ...lost?
> 
> No idea what you just said but a man who spouts nonsensical poetry is pretty cool in my books. Too bad you're older than my dad lol


That, I am.
Older than dirt.

Older than civilization, itself.
I keep coming back.

I cannot NOT. :smile2: ::grin2: 

I can do Knots.....in my boat.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Oh, boy...

Lord help up.....

Get out the Viagra.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Oh, boy...
> 
> Lord help up.....
> 
> Get out the Viagra.


I've got my answer that's what I need too! Flibanserin ?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

The more I talk to the Irish guy the more upset I feel. Keep wondering why STBX wouldn't just try to stay friends & be in our daughter's life sigh. 

Hard to think at one point he was obsessed with me, or so it seemed.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.


Sigh while that is true, at least my heart would still have been intact


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

There is no need for the “too bad” in front of that statement. Anybody who has dated an older guy with...great...errr skills...ahem...would highly recommend giving it a whirl if the chance presents itself.>. 

Plus, I like your interpretation of what Sun is saying. Sound so...saucy!


Louise McCann said:


> Erm are you saying your penis took over & you succumbed to sex addiction while your true self is ...lost?
> 
> No idea what you just said but a man who spouts nonsensical poetry is pretty cool in my books. Too bad you're older than my dad lol


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> I've got my answer that's what I need too! Flibanserin ?


Save your money. The U.S. Food and Drug Agency banned it. It is worthless.

Only .5% better than placebo.

The side effects make it doubly bad medicine.

God Help men if drug companies come up with a libido booster for women.
God Help marriages.

You see, with men, the medications increase blood flow in the genital region. It does not make men more 'horny'. They still have to be mentally stimulated.

Asexual women likely have, 'just fine' blood flow plumbing.

It is the plumbing between the ears that is "off". Not responsive to stimuli. For whatever mental, chemical reason.
Give a women some drug that actually works, makes her horny as hell?

Sounds good, until it doesn't. 
The problem, of course, will be when healthy 'normal response' women take the drug...for whatever reason.

Men will be delighted, until....... 
Until, their girlfriends, wives, daughters start taking this stuff and, well, run wild, seeking that warm {sticky salve} to soothe their uncontrolled itch.


Hah!:surprise:
You do not know what chaos is....
You will know quickly what it is when female horn toad pills hit the drugstore.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

Spicy said:


> There is no need for the ?too bad? in front of that statement. Anybody who has dated an older guy with...great...errr skills...ahem...would highly recommend giving it a whirl if the chance presents itself.&gt;
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oooh, I see you dig the daddies  do tell!

Often I am drawn to cute younger guys who have this innocence to them that I want to...steal. Very strange.

I am still talking to Mr. Irish as we have a lot in common and many interesting conversations. At this point I just want a friend and somebody to talk to. He's very into it though... hopefully the friendship works out


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Louise McCann said:
> 
> 
> > I've got my answer that's what I need too! Flibanserin ?
> ...


Alright fair enough you sound like this is your area of expertise and I'm sure it is not available in the UK anyway. 

I'm surprised that post lacked your usual pizzazz! Yes perhaps my brain is undergoing some chemical imbalance. I don't know if I want to bring this up to my therapist though, I would be embarrassed...


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## WildMustang (Nov 7, 2017)

Can I just say, that you have probably not "lost your mojo". It is way too soon to make that call. Your divorce isn't even final yet.

Consider and remember, you just had a baby and your hormones are probably still a little out of whack. Not sure if you are breastfeeding or not, but if you are, that can mess with your libido. 

Also, your emotions are understandably all over the map, with your divorce pending and your XB abandoning your daughter and you. Your body has a way of taking care of itself when your mind and heart are trying to reconcile feelings. Listen to your body. If your body does not want sex now, listen to it. That doesn't make you "asexual". It is normal to NOT want sex now, if you don't. 

You need time to grieve. Anyone who pushes you to get out there and date and have sex before you are ready, I would question their motive and their level of empathy.

Ask your SELF: If a good friend of yours were in your exact shoes, if she were experiencing exactly what you were experiencing, and she came to you crying and seeking advice, what would you say to her? 

Would you say, "You have lost your mojo! You need to get out there and start dating and sexing it up with men?"

I doubt you would. I think you would have more empathy and understanding for your friend and that you would be kind and compassionate and understanding and patient with your friend.

That is the kind of friend you want to be to your SELF. Be kind, compassionate, understanding and patient with your SELF.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> Alright fair enough you sound like this is your area of expertise and I'm sure it is not available in the UK anyway.
> 
> I'm surprised that post lacked your usual pizzazz! Yes perhaps my brain is undergoing some chemical imbalance. I don't know if I want to bring this up to my therapist though, I would be embarrassed...


Likely, mild-do unleavened depression.


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## WildMustang (Nov 7, 2017)

I know you feel embarrassed bringing it up with your therapist, but I strongly encourage you to bring it up with him/her anyway. Your therapist is highly trained to help you and is there to help you, even with the embarrassment. Be transparent with your therapist.

Also, from my experience as a 52 year old woman who was married for 28 years, I can tell you that I have learned-

One of the hardest things to do in life, is letting go of what you thought was real.

Another is removing someone from your heart.

This man (your ex husband) did you a huge favor by showing you who he is early in your marriage by walking away so easily. As hard as it may be, try to see that as a blessing that you did not waste your youthful years or decades of your life with him.

Anyone who is that quick to walk away after only 7 months of marriage never intended to stay.

Please know I am not minimizing your pain or your loss or your love for him.

And that I wish you well!


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