# Are you a husband who moved out ;but now want R?



## catch22gofigure

Hi TAM Husbands, STBXH, and so on..

What are some if the things you are feeling that is preventing you from just going back home ? I'm just looking for a little insight from the other side.


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## Acorn

catch22gofigure said:


> Hi TAM Husbands, STBXH, and so on..
> 
> What are some if the things you are feeling that is preventing you from just going back home ? I'm just looking for a little insight from the other side.


I left because of my wife's refusal to acknowledge/work on some behaviors that were killing the marriage, and what is preventing me from going home is her continued refusal to acknowledge/work on the same issues.

My STBXW would have probably been very surprised how little it would have taken to get everything back together.


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## catch22gofigure

Thanks for sharing that Acorn
Did you express to her what you were needing from her. I guess im wondering did she know in great detail the things you would like to see her work on ?


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## Acorn

catch22gofigure said:


> Thanks for sharing that Acorn
> Did you express to her what you were needing from her. I guess im wondering did she know in great detail the things you would like to see her work on ?


Yes, but I don't think she really wanted or was ready to hear it.


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## catch22gofigure

If she indicated to you right now that she is willing to fix those things. You'd go home ? How do you know that she is blatantly ignoring those things?


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## Acorn

I think in the beginning, a willingness to fix things probably would have been enough. A commitment to attend marriage counseling with the intent of participating instead of running interference all the time would have been a good start. A commitment to spend 15 hours a week with me would have been enough to seal the deal.

Now, I would need to see change and truly believe in my heart that it was permanent in order for me to go back. It'd be too hard on everyone involved.

To give you some idea, I have been telling her for about 5 years in numerous ways that I felt second fiddle, etc., and just last week she asked me, "Is it possible you feel taken for granted?"

So yes, we are a long way apart.


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## catch22gofigure

Ok, again thanks for sharing. Im just fishing for a man's point of view as far ad Reconciliation is involved. I see that most of the time women are the ones wanting reconciliation, even after the H has left them. I wonder about the thoughts of the H that left. Does ego/pride play a huge part in the decision? I am just full of questions right now .


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## x598

been there, done that. after my wifes affair, i left. 

but eventually i came back home. i really dont have a solid reason why. its not because of her. in fact, i think the pain and shock and crushing hurt that comes from soemthing like this can only be dealt with by getting out. 

so why did i come back...biggest reason...two kids. but i also missed my "old life". my home and way of life that had been something i put together for the last 15 years, kind of hard to explain.

so i just went back to test the water. the spouse of course is sorry, but she is the type who wants to move quickly away from a problem and not really examine what happened and why.

bottom line..... i have lost spark, love, respect for my wife. Im not dashing down to file for divorce, but i know that i dont give two cents about her anymore. i had to go to her sisters wedding and watch the vows. all that went though my head was how my wife tossed hers aside. needless to say, i got plowed at the party and dont even remember half the night. she will never understand why, nor how i will ever be totally free of the pain she casued.

so........R? dont think there ever really is such a thinng in my life with her.


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## catch22gofigure

Im sorry to hear that really. There's always some hope though , yeah it may take a lot of work. That's the hard part, do we want to do the work ?


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