# Seven year itch?



## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

Hi everyone,

I am new here and just so you have an idea about my relationship, i will go over it briefly.

Hubby and I met in 2001 and after 6 months he proposed and I accepted. Got married in 2002 and we had our first child in 2005. 
When we had our baby, hubby started a hobby and played video games all the time. He said he needs time alone for himself as well in order for him to unwind. Which was fine.

Since I was very clingy, we always fought about the fact that he didn't spend time with me anymore. He blamed the fact that I didn't have a hobby, that I should start a hobby so I have something to do when he is busy with his hobby. This took awhile, maybe a year - then beginning of 2006 I stopped being clingy, I started watching DVD's on my own, I started hanging out with my friends more and then up until now reading my only hobby that makes me feel good.

Since I have been doing a lot of things on my own, I became independent and I no longer needed him to be happy. Now, it's been almost 2 years and I realized that I am lonely. I mean I have been depressed and all, but it had nothing to do with our relationship. 

It came to the point when I had to tell him I was no longer in-love with him. He was hurt, but we decided we'll try and work on it. It only took about 6 months and I feel more detach from him that ever. I never wanted to make love with anymore, I told him that it was my depression medication that made me not want to make love anymore.

It's been 7 years that we're together and almost 7 years that we're married and I feel like I am stuck. I have been finding that I have been attracted to other guys and sometimes I want to pursue those feelings. However I can't do that, i rather have the divorce first than cheat. Do you think this is just what they call teh 7 year itch?

Thanks,

Patty


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

When you say the two of you worked on the marriage for 6 months what do you mean? What things did you try? Sounds like the biggest problems are not spending enough time with each other and not communicating. You have both withdrawn from the marriage. To recover may take time but in order to do that you need to spend time together as a couple and family. Do you have any common interests that you could do together? Give us more information on what you have tried so far. No matter what happens, don’t get involved with another man. If you can’t fix your marriage and are unhappy then be ready to move on but don’t introduce another until after you have ended your current relationship. Getting involved with another will only further distance you from your husband and other people will get hurt as well.


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## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

Well we did try dating again once a week. It lasted for about 2 months and then we fell back to our routine of doing our own thing. The thing is I always planned the dates, where we going and what we're doing. He never ever planned anything for us, and everytime I suggest something, he'll say oh yeah I thought of that... He will always make it sound that he didn't think about that idea, but he never really act on it. Most of our vacations were all planned by me, he never planned anything. It was always me, always me trying to make arrangements for babysitting, and I guess I got tired. 

Like I mentioned in my other post, we would talk and then fall back to the same thing the next day and then him begging me to not leave him. 

If we haven't made love in 4 weeks, he'll bug me and make jokes how he is not getting any. Honestly, the last time we made love, I cried - not because I was in pain (below the belt), but because I couldn't bear the fact that I am doing this with guilt and all pretend.

I don't know.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think you need the help of a good marriage councilor.

draconis


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

pattymarconi said:


> . Honestly, the last time we made love, I cried - not because I was in pain (below the belt), but because I couldn't bear the fact that I am doing this with guilt and all pretend.
> 
> I don't know.


Please speak more about the guilt.

Also, if you read "Mating in captivity" you will probably find some answers.


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## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

Well mainly, I feel resentment, I am mad at myself for letting myself go through even though deep in my heart I don't want to. I just hate my life right now, I guess it doesn't help that I am also depressed.

Hubby never helped with the depression except he would say I should go see a therapist, which I did, never helped. I guess mainly because the therapist and me didn't get along so well.

Hubby always leaves me alone when I am very depressed, he said that I make him miserable as well so he avoids me. Nice huh? the time you need someone to be there for you, and he abandons you eh? oh well, the story of my life. 

I'll see if I can get that book the PP suggested.

Thanks guys.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

> I am mad at myself for letting myself go through even though deep in my heart I don't want to.


Forgive me, but I still don't understand the above statement.


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## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> Forgive me, but I still don't understand the above statement.


Hi MT sorry I was talking about when hubby and I make love, well when he forces me to anyway and I give in, and I cry during the act because I am mad at myself for letting is happen. I should have been firmed, that I didn't want to make love. I hope this make sense now.


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