# Well



## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

She now has another man. Nothing more than a shag piece, but she's going away to France for a weekend away with him. "An old friend from my schooldays" was what I was told. Nice one. 

This bloke however has already been around my kids as he decorated her bathroom around a week ago. And now, out of the blue, they are off for a weekend together. 

I was going to be amicable about this. I was going to be decent, honest and noble. 

Now, let the dogs of war let forth. 

Nobody screws around with me and gets away with it. Nobody. This is a situation I need closure from ASAP. I need to walk away knowing I've done everything I can do to be right by myself. No more Mr nice guy. No more Mr "let's be friends". I'm done.

After this, now is the time to unleash hell itself. Screw being amicable. This now officially war. God have mercy on her, because I won't.


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

The Count said:


> She now has another man. Nothing more than a shag piece, but she's going away to France for a weekend away with him. "An old friend from my schooldays" was what I was told. Nice one.
> 
> This bloke however has already been around my kids as he decorated her bathroom around a week ago. And now, out of the blue, they are off for a weekend together.
> 
> ...


Awww... shucks... I was hoping that you would remain noble... and not stoop to her level... a be the more righteous person. Not that you have to be 'friends' but just go on with your life.. she is no longer part of it.

Well... go your way... and may God have mercy on your soul...spite, display of anger and war just leads to more pain and hurt... 

Two wrongs do make it right...

Vengeance is Mine, and recompense;
Their foot shall slip in due time; 
For the day of their calamity is at hand, 
And the things to come hasten upon them.’

Deuteronomy 32:35


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

I understand the sentiment OH so well. I really feel where your coming from, but let me offer a different perspective to talk you down from that ledge. 

Its your pain talking. It is starting to consume you. It is easier to be angry than to process the pain so many men, myself included, go there first. It isn't productive. Think about after all this is over and you look back. Who do you want to remember yourself as? Will doing those nasty things make you happy or proud of yourself? What about when your kids ask you about what happened? 

Before I met my wife I was seeing a girl for a few years. We were on again off again. We had huge blowups and many fights. I feel nothing but regret for many of the things I said and did during that time. I did them because I was hurting and didn't know how to deal with it.

Your wife wants this type of response from you. Some part of her wants to be punished for the things she is doing. I can't say it is right to give it to her. Many people say that the flip side of love is hate. I would argue that it is apathy. Hate is where we go when our love isn't good for us or "fair". Apathy is where you go when you've finally put something to rest. It isn't in control and doesn't matter.


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## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

Quite true on all counts. 

I went round there yesterday only for her to tell me she already did the deed last week. I went ballistic and threatened her with all sorts, made one hell of a scene, and was pretty much as vindictive as someone can get under such intense and unnecessary provocation. 

Then she burst into tears, and said that being with this man has somehow blown up in her face (I didn't get the details), she's had a massive falling out with her Sister and they are not on speaking terms, again for whatever reason, and basically she's had a week from hell. 

I thought I'd enjoy this, but I didn't. 

I calmed down, and told her that I will always care about her and will never do her a bad turn. I outlined my plans in terms of a settlement which are not only fair but actually generous towards her (though it is money I can afford, as opposed to what I have to pay her), and told her I'll always care for her and be there for her, which is true. 

She told me that I will always be the great love of her life and that she cannot replace me. Crumbs from the loaf I thought, but took it with good grace. 

This morning of course I was numb from grief and hurt and went into a state of shock about her admission. I literally could not move my legs and must have vomited seven times in an hour. 

Absolutely horrific day. At times like this I don't know how anyone gets through this. Yesterday I had to phone up my best friend to talk me out of doing something very stupid.

I am in absolute agony.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

The Count said:


> Quite true on all counts.
> 
> I went round there yesterday only for her to tell me she already did the deed last week. I went ballistic and threatened her with all sorts, made one hell of a scene, and was pretty much as vindictive as someone can get under such intense and unnecessary provocation.
> 
> ...



I dont think there is a need to continually reward her bad behaviour.


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Count, Great job! Way to come around. I would say that you need to not go into Protector and Provider mode so easily with her now. She's made the bed. Let her sleep in it. You likely won't always be there for her. You are going to get involved with someone else at some point and they may not like that. You can be kind without being compassionate. I have serious trouble with this as well. I can understand what you must be experiencing. It isn't easy to deal with finality, especially when they keep wispering sweet nothings into your ear. Take heart that it is just a phase of the process and you'll get through this.

GearHead


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