# Ex wife uses Divorce decree to her advantage



## Fabio

Well my divorce was final in October. We split debts and have the house up for sale. It states I had to pay half of mortgage n utilities until it sells. Well it’s been going on 19 months since we separated when she cheated. Now guy lives their and new baby with my kids half time. So far I’ve given her 37,000 paying half mortgage and divorce payout in that timeframe.
I’m force to live in a friend house and pay those bills as well. 
im at the point say screw it and stop paying half mortgages and utilities. Make her figure out her own mistake. All time she gets all pissy in her texts. Saying my kids don’t have a place to go when their with me. I’m like yeah because I have to pay for you to live in house.
If I kept my 1400 a month I can afford my own place for kids. She just don’t get that. Now she is refusing to drop the price due to her having to pay in when it sells. she don’t see my point of view at all.
I just want to stop paying and telling her to figure it out so that her boyfriend no reason for me to play for him and your new kid to live in house too! 
Need advice mortgage is due tomorrow. I’m ready go to court to get it changed. It states I had to pay until house sell. Which she is dragging her feet and now declining a reduction.


----------



## bobert

Unfortunately you have to pay the mortgage, like it or not. Refusing to pay is only going to lead to legal trouble.

Your ex is obviously dragging this out, so yes, speak to your lawyer and get back to court if necessary. You should both find your own appraiser, and both of those people should have NO conflict of interest. I'm sure she sees your POV... she just doesn't care.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

By all means, talk to your attorney and see if you have a good enough case to go to court. There should have been a timeline on selling that house and for all you know, there is in the small print, so put the attorney on it.


----------



## Affaircare

The entry of a final divorce decree means the end of a marriage. However, the provisions of a final decree leave the two of you tied together in regards to dividing the marital residence. It is not uncommon for the trial judge to order the spouse who is still living in the house to put the house on the market and sell it as soon as possible, like your judge did. Issues often arise, however, when the spouse still living there drags their feet, or just flat out refuses to comply with the order. Strategy on how to deal with the exW varies depending on the fashion in which your exW is not living up her responsibilities under the order. So step #1 would be to pull out your divorce order and READ IT!!

If the problem is that the exW is unreasonably slowing down the process by, for example, refusing to agree on a realtor or setting the price of sale unreasonably high, it is possible to ask the court to resolve the dispute. Your attorney can file a request to have a price set, a realtor designated, and set specific time lines for having tasks completed. Evidence at such a hearing would include appraisals to demonstrate your particular price for the house is reasonable, a list of available realtors, and a particular proposal for deadlines and reasons why they are reasonable.

If the exW is refusing to comply completely, then your attorney may file a motion for contempt. This motion will tell the court that your exW was ordered to sell the house, but is willfully failing to do so. A motion for contempt is essentially asking that the court punish the exW for not living up to the divorce decree. These punishments usually take the form of some sort of monetary penalty or ordering the party to take specific action, such as listing the house by X date.

Another option is for your attorney to file a motion asking the court to change the responsibility for selling the house. The attorney could ask that your exW be required to vacate the premises to allow you the ability to enter it and put it on the market. That would mean exW and BF are out, you and your child stay in the house, and you sell it!

So step #2 would be to talk to your attorney and see what is appropriate for your situation. Right now, you have to pay half the mortgage and utilities because you have half interest in the house...and when it sells, the loan will be paid off and the equity split between you and the exW. However, most likely your divorce decree has a timeframe in there for her to sell the home and split the proceeds with you, and if it does, then a motion of contempt can be filed.


----------



## jlg07

Can you see if your alimony can be dropped? Get someone to help document that he lives there -- your attorney should be able to help with that.


----------



## TurnedTurtle

You say the other man is now living in the house -- did your divorce decree have a contingency about alimony/support payments ceasing when the other party takes up co-habitating with another?


----------



## Livvie

Yeah, you need to go back to your attorney ASAP!!!


----------



## BluesPower

Fabio said:


> Well my divorce was final in October. We split debts and have the house up for sale. It states I had to pay half of mortgage n utilities until it sells. Well it’s been going on 19 months since we separated when she cheated. Now guy lives their and new baby with my kids half time. So far I’ve given her 37,000 paying half mortgage and divorce payout in that timeframe.
> I’m force to live in a friend house and pay those bills as well.
> im at the point say screw it and stop paying half mortgages and utilities. Make her figure out her own mistake. All time she gets all pissy in her texts. Saying my kids don’t have a place to go when their with me. I’m like yeah because I have to pay for you to live in house.
> If I kept my 1400 a month I can afford my own place for kids. She just don’t get that. Now she is refusing to drop the price due to her having to pay in when it sells. she don’t see my point of view at all.
> I just want to stop paying and telling her to figure it out so that her boyfriend no reason for me to play for him and your new kid to live in house too!
> Need advice mortgage is due tomorrow. I’m ready go to court to get it changed. It states I had to pay until house sell. Which she is dragging her feet and now declining a reduction.


You need to sell the house. You need another lawyer, you should have never agreed to any of this. 

If you have to get a second job or loan to get a better lawyer and file for some relief and get the house sold then you need to do it, and you need to do it now...


----------



## michzz

OK, it is annoying, and do run it by your lawyer. However, why not shift who lives in the house while trying to sell it?

Move her into your apartment and you go to the house.

Did i say it is annoying? Of course it is!

But only pay the month-to-month of the apartment, better yet, get it shifted in her name.

Or have her get her own place, if that is easier.

If she will not cooperate with the home sale (and they sell better vacated and staged), your lawyer kicks in with this issue.


----------



## WandaJ

Who is supposed to put house on the market? Are you allowed to do that, since she is dragging? This situation should be adjusted, how come you are paying mortgage while there is another man living there? 

What incentive they have to sell the house and be on their own?


----------



## Dadto2

Your lawyer screwed you. Since you moved out, you should be paying her child support that would cover some of the living expenses for her and your kids. Depending on your state, you shouldn't be paying alimony since an affair negates that in most states.

I've never heard of paying for the house and utilities that you don't live in until it sells. There definitely should have been some timeline put into your agreement. If it's been 19 months, your realtor obviously isn't doing his/her job and needs to drop the asking price. Or better yet, get another realtor. You ex also has no reason to sell or keep the house presentable to future buyers. Heck she's living the good life...no bills. 

Unfortunately, stopping paying for everything isn't the answer. You are legally on the hook. I would go to a new lawyer and see what they can do for you.


----------



## Bluesclues

Dadto2 said:


> Depending on your state, you shouldn't be paying alimony since an affair negates that in most states.


Where did you get the idea that this was remotely true? It isn’t.


----------



## Dadto2

Bluesclues said:


> Where did you get the idea that this was remotely true? It isn’t.


In NC, SC and I'm sure other states, if your spouse has an affair and you can prove it, you do not have to pay alimony. Trust me, I didn't pay alimony because of my ex's affair. 

Link below.










Adultery in South Carolina: Does Cheating Affect Alimony?


Find out if an extramarital affair can impact alimony, property division, or child custody in a South Carolina divorce.




www.divorcenet.com












Adultery in North Carolina: Does Cheating Affect Alimony?


Learn when and how a spouse's extramarital affair can affect alimony in a North Carolina divorce.




www.divorcenet.com


----------



## WandaJ

Dadto2 said:


> In NC, SC and I'm sure other states, if your spouse has an affair and you can prove it, you do not have to pay alimony. Trust me, I didn't pay alimony because of my ex's affair.
> 
> Link below.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Adultery in South Carolina: Does Cheating Affect Alimony?
> 
> 
> Find out if an extramarital affair can impact alimony, property division, or child custody in a South Carolina divorce.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.divorcenet.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Adultery in North Carolina: Does Cheating Affect Alimony?
> 
> 
> Learn when and how a spouse's extramarital affair can affect alimony in a North Carolina divorce.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.divorcenet.com


in many states it doesn't matter, it's "no fault" divorce.


----------



## Dadto2

WandaJ said:


> in many states it doesn't matter, it's "no fault" divorce.


No fault refers to not needing a reason to get a divorce...whether adultery was involved or not.


----------



## WandaJ

Dadto2 said:


> No fault refers to not needing a reason to get a divorce...whether adultery was involved or not.


nope. In Florida adultery does not matter. There is even thread somewhere complaining about that.


----------



## Dadto2

WandaJ said:


> nope. In Florida adultery does not matter. There is even thread somewhere complaining about that.


Yeah that's why I mentioned NC/SC since that's where I live. I guess it's because this is the Bible Belt and that law was written years ago. Personally, I think if you cheat you shouldn't get anything...no alimony, no 50/50 split of martial property, etc. Not even the shirt off your back, but then again, those types can't keep their clothes on anyway


----------



## Bluesclues

Dadto2 said:


> In NC, SC and I'm sure other states, if your spouse has an affair and you can prove it, you do not have to pay alimony. Trust me, I didn't pay alimony because of my ex's affair.
> 
> Link below.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Adultery in South Carolina: Does Cheating Affect Alimony?
> 
> 
> Find out if an extramarital affair can impact alimony, property division, or child custody in a South Carolina divorce.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.divorcenet.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Adultery in North Carolina: Does Cheating Affect Alimony?
> 
> 
> Learn when and how a spouse's extramarital affair can affect alimony in a North Carolina divorce.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.divorcenet.com


It is still not true that infidelity negates alimony in MOST states. You can be granted a fault divorce based on infidelity and still be required to pay alimony depending on the circumstances and the judge you end up with. Just because it worked out for you doesn’t make it standard practice. I agree with you that it seems OP got a raw deal though.


----------



## Dadto2

Bluesclues said:


> It is still not true that infidelity negates alimony in MOST states. You can be granted a fault divorce based on infidelity and still be required to pay alimony depending on the circumstances and the judge you end up with. Just because it worked out for you doesn’t make it standard practice. I agree with you that it seems OP got a raw deal though.


28 states allow a judge to take infidelity into account when considering alimony (whether to allow, how much, etc). Pretty sure that's more than half.


----------



## Elizabeth001

28 out of 50 isn’t “most”.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Dadto2

Elizabeth001 said:


> 28 out of 50 isn’t “most”.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Hmm, actually the definition of most ia “greatest in amount or degree”.

And 28 is greater than 22.


----------



## WandaJ

Dadto2 said:


> 28 states allow a judge to take infidelity into account when considering alimony (whether to allow, how much, etc). Pretty sure that's more than half.


even so, most divorces do not go through the court, they try to settle before it.


----------



## gold5932

Can you pull a War of the Roses and move back in? My ex did that and we settled pretty quickly.


----------

