# Not sure where this goes...



## nyjunkey (Feb 7, 2013)

Hi,
I'm new to the forum and looking for help regarding tattoos. I feel kinda stupid because my problems seem insignificant compared to what I've been reading, but I have no where else to turn to and need help and insight. 

I'm recently married, about 8 months, after having dated my wife for a year. It seems short but we have such a great relationship, that we aren't worried about it. I don't want to go into details, but there was an unfortunate event in her life that brought us together. Although it was sad for her she says that she's glad it happened so it brought us together. We never thought much of fate before we met each other. 

While we were dating, she mentioned she wanted to get a tattoo to commemorate that time in her life, Something small on her back. Tattoos make me super uncomfortable and every time i think about it, I feel uneasy, almost nauseous. When I told her how I felt, she didn't understand, but rather let the topic go away.

We've since moved near my family (after we got married) and my sister has a tattoo and wants to get another one. My wife wants to get this tattoo with her. It makes me super uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this.

Here are my concerns, can anyone help me?

1) She has authority issues and I feel that because I am opposed to this, she's treating me like an "authority figure."

2) While I understand that it is her body, i don't feel like my concerns about it have any input. I feel that this affects me too and its not just about her.

3) I have never known someone who only gets one tattoo and no more. I don't even like the idea of one tattoo, but I really don't think I could stand anymore. She's so pretty and it would be so distracting!

So far the only "help" i've gotten is to be called "judgmental" and to go get a tattoo myself.

I'm not sure what i'm looking for, but I could really use some help!
Thanks
nyjunkey


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I'm not a fan of tattoos personally. Especially when I see one on a woman with otherwise flawless skin. It's like defacing a beautiful work of art to me, or graffiti on the Golden Gate Bridge.

That being said . . . you knew before getting married that she was interested in having a tattoo. You didn't make "no tattoos" a condition of marriage. In those circumstances, trying to forbid it does sound controlling.

She's said the tattoo will be something small on her back. Has she shown you what she has in mind? I've stated the reason for my reservations about tattoos--what are yours? "Just because" isn't very persuasive.

Now, a Mike Tyson face tattoo would be a different story.


----------



## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I got a tattoo while in the Navy. Last one I ever got, so yes, some people do only have just one and are content with that.


----------



## nyjunkey (Feb 7, 2013)

You're right, I did know about it. I was nieve enough to think that because the issue had died, that it was over. 

I also feel the same way about tattoos. She has beautiful skin and I'm worried it would be an eye sore. It would be on her back, I'd see it more than she would...

Should I be worried that this would be the first of many?


----------



## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I have only one tattoo. This thread reminds me of a sign I saw in the shop where I got mine.

"The difference between a person with a tattoo and a person without one is: The person with the tattoo doesn't mind that other does not have one!"


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I wish my wife would let her hair go gray naturally instead of coloring it semi-monthly, but it's her head. This isn't going to be someplace you'll see it continuously, so maybe you could cut her some slack. Perhaps even help her pick out a design that you find appealing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Or, ask her to try non-permanent tattoo first, and see how the two of you react on it. Maybe you will even like it and get yourself a tattoo as well. If you don't like it, it's non permanent and will fade away soon.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Instead of looking at the "scary" side of tattoos, have you seen some of the work that's out there which is quite beautiful. My wife has 5 of them. Each one is a work of art and has it's own special memory.

In the end, communication is key. Will she get a tat just to say "I do what I want"? I hope not. That's just way immature no matter what age someone is.


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

At least you are being frank about your feelings, so she cant be surprised at least. Thats good. You both glossed over thi before so you are both going to have to eat a little blame here and both be willing to admit that.

Hopefully you both will come to a firmer agreement over time.

Its not good to have something like this unresolved.. and it is unresolved since she is feeling controlled and you are feeling guilty.. its all a mess. Its going to come up again so continue to work on it.

I personally cant stand tattoos. Shrug. All the tattoo lovers can have their fun with that, thats fine. I think they are all attention seekers with esteem issues  - i feel the same way with extreme piercings - but I also recognize that is only my obnoxious perception - not all of them are that - nor do they deserve my ... critique. Tatoos are huge right now... immensely popular, so obviously I am obtuse or tone deaf or blind to their appeal.

It doesnt help matters when the half dozen people I know with tatoos are, seriously, idiots and trash. I get it. I dont know a single sane, intelligent, stable person with a tat. I also dont judge people on their appearances - not in the least, and never have.

If my wife wanted to get a tattoo - I suspect that in the end I would cave into her wants. My desire to let her live her own life the way she wants easily EASILY trumps any discomfort I have over a tattoo. What.. im going to keep her from being who she is? Thing is - she also, im sure, is aware of how I feel... so it is a balacing act. At some point - you should both be able to get to a place of understanding and acceptance of the the decision in either direction and feel good about it. That is what you need to shoot for. 

Tattoo threads show up here every once in a while and there are invariably linguistic fisticuffs over it. Tatto owners are fiercely defensive of their ink - cant say I blame them. I suppose I would be too. It is what it is. They see it as an extension of themselves so it (to them) seems tantamount to critisizing their race or something, rather than their 'decorations'.

Thats all terribly isulting, I know.  I am being tounge in cheek mostly. Having said all that - I must admit I find tramp stamps on a well porportioned frame, frankly, irresistable - but Im a hips an butt guy so I suppose its like putting a cherry on top of a Sunday for me. If my wafe wanted a tramp stamp?

I dont know. I would ask if she ws getting job working on a pole.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> They see it as an extension of themselves so it (to them) seems tantamount to critisizing their race or something, rather than their 'decorations'.


Oh!! Now you're calling me a ***?!!!! Oh, no you didn't!!!!!



:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

The people I interact with don't have many tattoos and the ones that do (that I am aware of) only have one. Typically on their ankle or back or somewhere that it isn't visible when out in public (except when sun bathing).

So for me the norm is only one tattoo. Don't think you have to worry that one means lots. 

I think you should be supportive of your wife. Get her to agree to only the one.


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Oh yes I don't!

You want a piece of THIS?


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> The people I interact with don't have many tattoos and the ones that do (that I am aware of) only have one. Typically on their ankle or back or somewhere that it isn't visible when out in public (except when sun bathing).
> 
> So for me the norm is only one tattoo. Don't think you have to worry that one means lots.
> 
> I think you should be supportive of your wife. Get her to agree to only the one.


:iagree:


----------



## nyjunkey (Feb 7, 2013)

Well I suppose this is my "kobayashi Maru." If she gets the tat, it will most likely be an eyesore and I'll hate it (hopefully its the only one..) if she doesn't, I guilt tripped her, suppressed her, kept her from expressing herself, etc. So no matter what, I lose....

Ok so the consensus seems to be that I'm super judgmental, probably super shallow. Any helpful suggestions on the matter?


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We posted at the same time.



nyjunkey said:


> Ok so the consensus seems to be that I'm super judgmental, probably super shallow. Any helpful suggestions on the matter?


That's not how I read the replies.

This is concerning:


nyjunkey said:


> i don't feel like my concerns about it have any input. I feel that this affects me too and its not just about her.


How goes the joint decision making on other issues? Does she value your input? And you hers?


----------



## nyjunkey (Feb 7, 2013)

Well that opinion isn't just from this forum. Everyone I've talked to eluded to the fact that they can hardly understand my concerns and that I'm not supportive, and judgmental of people with tats. 

As for the decision, I don't know. I really feel that she doesn't value my opinion or input. I feel she's treating me like a controlling father figure and that I have no say in anything. As for her's I understand her points, but I don't see how there is a way to compromise...

How do i come to like tattoos and accept them? I suppose this is an inevitability and it would be better to accept the loss and move on. Currently, I feel like it would be an eyesore and would never want to see it... prob not the best attitude to have.


----------

