# Middle Ground Between Nothing and Sex



## TreeSuh (Aug 6, 2011)

I would LOVE a males perspective on being physically intimate without having sex. 

My husband and I are in our 20s and have been Together/Married for 4 years. We regularly have GREAT sex. But we dont have any intimate time together without it leading to sex or just watching tv. 

We used to cuddle and lay together just to talk, have fun just laughing and kissing. I know the honeymoon faze goes away but Now we sit and watch tv or eat, or we go straight into having sex. 

We had a talk about it and he agreed that it has gone away and hes sorry for not trying harder but nothing has ever come of it. I tried to start up date night and we would eat and see a move where we would barley hold hands. 

Im running out of ideas on how to get us back to that place, because I don't know If I can just let that go... I crave him and love him in so many ways and I feel like its becoming one sided.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You should sit him down and talk to him again. Say "Honey, we previously discussed how we need some more intimate/cuddle/date timet hat doesn't lead to sex and nothing has come of it. I would really appreciate if we both put forth more of an eeffort in doing so." And explain to him how it's makingn you sad that you don't feel like you are getting this intimate time with him.

I can relate, girl. My ex and I did this for a long time and it led to resentment. I just wanted to cuddle sometimes without it leading to a sexcapade. 

Talk to him!!!


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## kevint (Mar 14, 2009)

TreeSuh said:


> I would LOVE a males perspective on being physically intimate without having sex.
> 
> My husband and I are in our 20s and have been Together/Married for 4 years. We regularly have GREAT sex. But we dont have any intimate time together without it leading to sex or just watching tv.
> 
> ...


Sometimes us men can misinterpret something like cuddling or just making out.Hell I may have that problem as well.My thing is that if this is really a serious deal breaker for you then you have really make him understand.If my wife doesn't say IM doing this or that wrong in the bedroom how can it be fixed.You have to stress how important this is to you.You both are in your 20's so you also have to think about how much or how less experience he has as far being more intimate.It can be changed but you have to make understanding ...understood.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Does not compute.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Does not compute.


I agree I cannot think of a time where I just made out and cuddled and it didn't lead to sex.........maybe when I was 15 or we were in a movie theater?

Ever since I was a adult real kissing and cuddling leads to something.......to just stop is like trying to per then stop when Ur 1/2 way done!!

There should be able to be cuddling that doesn't lead to sex sometimes......guys like sex, we want sex, we want to be with our wives, so for us to want to stop or not have sex definitely does not compute.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## e.p. (Jun 10, 2011)

TreeSuh said:


> I would LOVE a males perspective on being physically intimate without having sex....





Runs like Dog said:


> Does not compute.


I can relate and I'm a 20-something male.

Don't get me wrong, if my wife wanted to make out, or if we were cuddling to the point of groping, and then she cut me off without sex, I'd be pissed.

But in my relationship with my wife, we basically have no intimacy outside the bedroom, unless I initiate. No kissing, no hugging, no incidental touches, no dirty talk, no hand-holding, no cuddling on the couch watching TV/movie, etc. unless I am the instigator. She just doesn't reach out to me in a physical/emotional sense. Then when it comes to the bedroom she's very static; it's a duty to her not a source of pleasure.

I wish she was more physically/emotionally open in those nonsexual ways. I think it would go a long way to "greasing the groove" towards a closer relationship with her. At times it feels like her world revolves around kids and hobbies and I'm an afterthought.

Talking doesn't work. I've tried multiple times from multiple angles. I'm trying to cool down the "emotional temperature" now; she was out of town the past two weeks with the kids visiting relatives and I'm trying not to initiate things as much as I used to, to see if she picks up the slack. 

Not trying to threadjack, just letting the OP know there are guys out there who get you.

-e.p.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

OhGeesh said:


> I agree I cannot think of a time where I just made out and cuddled and it didn't lead to sex.........maybe when I was 15 or we were in a movie theater?
> 
> Ever since I was a adult real kissing and cuddling leads to something.......to just stop is like trying to per then stop when Ur 1/2 way done!!
> 
> ...


Because when you date, before the initial sex we would say things like "Lets just lay here, it doesn't have to lead to anything". She basically wants to be "courted" again. The guy has moved on to the "I've given her the ring, what more does she want" phase. Right now he's not feeling any pain from his behavior but eventually he'll be in the "Sex in marriage" forum.


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## fredless (Jun 12, 2011)

e.p. said:


> I can relate and I'm a 20-something male.
> 
> 
> Talking doesn't work. I've tried multiple times from multiple angles. I'm trying to cool down the "emotional temperature" now; she was out of town the past two weeks with the kids visiting relatives *and I'm trying not to initiate things as much as I used to, to see if she picks up the slack.*
> ...


In my experience, that won't work. You will just have less and less sex. I initiate sex most of the time and luckily, my wife is a willing participant. 

We do cuddle at times watching television and occasionally, it doesn't lead to sex. However, those are the times when we're both really tired and just need some sleep.

To the OP--It sounds like your husband needs to learn that foreplay begins way before the sexual act. Texting/sexting; date nights, surprise gifts, cuddling, etc. I'll bet if he did these type of things with you in a genuine way, having sex would be a wonderful end of the evening. As another poster said, you want to be courted. I enjoy courting my wife and do so on a regular basis.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

i guess the question is whether HE thinks you "regularly have GREAT sex". if you guys have sex 1-2 times per week and his drive calls for 5-7 times per week, that's the disconnect. he wants more than he's getting and the intimacy you are looking for to him is foreplay.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Massages may or may not lead to immediate sex.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Make out in the car. lol Sounds silly but it's hot.

We do this in the garage, but it usually ends up with us having sex on the hood


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

This middle ground sounds like being her girlfriend.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Make out in the car. lol Sounds silly but it's hot.
> 
> We do this in the garage, but it usually ends up with us having sex on the hood


Polishing the hood is a good thing! :smthumbup:


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