# UNconditional love



## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

jld asked me to start a thread on what i consider unconditional love, and how i practice it through my life. i guess it could be an interesting topic, since there are a lot of opinions about it.

to me, unconditional love is constantly looking out for the betterment of others. its not a feeling, its a choice. most of the time, i love unconditionally. its just easier that way, to me. i dont like this back and forth thing where one minute i feel like helping somebody and the next i want to drop them by the side of the road and drive off.

so, i developed a litmus test for my self to determine if my actions are showing unconditional love. i ask myself: does this benefit them? if i died today, will they be a better person for having known me?

i pick the option that seems to me to be the most beneficial to whoever it is im dealing with. now, i dont always get it right, but i do always try. sometimes i make mistakes, and i admit them when i make them. for instance, if i get into a heated argument with somebody and i say something that hurts them, i HAVE to go back and apologize. otherwise, i drove a rift between myself and them, and that rift makes it hard to show them love later on. admitting my mistakes builds the trust and confidence that will allow me to help people as i go through life. and yes, i absolutely love to help people. i feel like it develops me as i go about learning how to do it.

something i have learned about unconditional love is that it is often hard. there have been many times where i have done or said something that made people feel very uncomfortable, but its what they need. its kinda like disciplining a small child when they want to dart out into a busy parking lot. do we spank them because we want them to feel pain? absolutely not! we spank them because they are too young to understand the dangers of a crowded parking lot, but they WILL understand the pain on their backside and the disapproval of their parents. disciplining them is one way to protect them. we do it because we love them.

in that sense, i will sometimes call people out on dangerous behaviour, such as drug use. i remember when i did this with a friend who had started using heroin. i told them that they will either check themselves into a treatment facility and get off the stuff or i will intervene and find a way to force them into it. i probably seemed like a complete a-hole back then, but at least now i know he has a chance at life. i was once engaged to a girl who started using drugs, and after seeing what it did to her, i vowed never to let anyone i know go through the same thing. he later thanked me.

i had recently had another opportunity to practice that side of unconditional love. my wife and i and our daughter were getting ready to go to a store one evening. we were standing behind our car when a young man drove up and parked his BMW right in front of our drive way. he then got out the car and walked up to us. it was obvious he had been drinking from the smell and slurred speach. it took a little while, but i managed to find out where he was trying to go. so, i offered to drive his car to his destination, with my wife following, and turn his keys over to whoever was sober. well, in the end, he refused to give up his keys and decided that he would rather fight me. it seemed to me that he felt entitled to drive drunk. not much i can do to help him at that point, so i had my wife call the police while i wrestled with him. he was only 19, and i sincerely hope that he learns his lesson from it. when the police asked if i wanted to file assault charges, i said yes. he had a history of alcohol related incidents on his record, and each time he had gotten a slap on the wrist. he needed some hard consequences. maybe he will never learn, but it wont be because i was too soft on him.

i practice unconditional love with my wife as well. i try to make her as happy as i can, but i also require her to address the issues that are holding her back. for instance, i started requiring her to go to crowded places and practice coping mechanisms. at the end of each session, i would sit down and point out how she has improved. it made her terribly uncomfortable at first, downright terrified. nowadays, however, she can go out by herself into crowded areas all day long. instead of breaking down, it just wears on her. but she knows she can do it. allowing her to sit at home while i go out and get everything, do all the shopping, etc, wouldn't have helped her at all. it probably would have reinforced the issue and made it worse.

this is what i understand to be unconditional love. as difficult as it is at times to put into practice, the concept is pretty simple. and anyone can do it.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

That is really good that you had your wife call the police. Drunk drivers are truly a danger to everyone.

It takes a lot of maturity to love unconditionally. And you have it!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I think there is always a condition under which our love will not survive for that person. I see your actions as very humanitarian, but not as unconditional love.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think there is always a condition under which our love will not survive for that person. I see your actions as very humanitarian, but not as unconditional love.


i want the best for that young man that wrestled with. i really hope to see him make something of himself some day. 

that is what unconditional love is all about. i dont want to punish him, i want to direct him down the right path. i want to see him succeed, not kill himself while driving drunk.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

What I liked most about your expositions were all the practical examples. Made it easy to catch your drift and relate to your way of thinking.

I myself don't believe in unconditional love, but the examples you give are ones I can warm to.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> What I liked most about your expositions were all the practical examples. Made it easy to catch your drift and relate to your way of thinking.
> 
> I myself don't believe in unconditional love, but the examples you give are ones I can warm to.


What would you call it? Humanitarianism, as EW suggested?


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

jld said:


> What would you call it? Humanitarianism, as EW suggested?


No, I meant to say that _for me_, there are always conditions, I didn't mean that I thought it was a myth


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Sandfly said:


> No, I meant to say that _for me_, there are always conditions, I didn't mean that I thought it was a myth


i think its hard at times to practice it. the concept is simple, but it is often hard to do what NEEDS to be done as opposed to what somebody wants to be done. 

it takes a lot of introspection, self control, and knowledge.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Unconditional love to me means that you will love the person no matter what they do. Helping a drunk driver turn his life around or a wife get used to crowds are great things but not examples I view as unconditional love. I have unconditional love for my children only. No one else. I want the best for people, I'll help when I can but I wouldn't love them no matter what they do.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Unconditional love to me means that you will love the person no matter what they do. Helping a drunk driver turn his life around or a wife get used to crowds are great things but not examples I view as unconditional love. I have unconditional love for my children only. No one else. I want the best for people, I'll help when I can but I wouldn't love them no matter what they do.


i guess im just weird. i cant think of anyone i have ever hated. even the driver who killed my best friend right in front of me because he thought it was fun to drive fast as hell around tight turns. i hope some day i get to see him successful and happy... and responsible.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Unconditional love to me means that you will love the person no matter what they do. Helping a drunk driver turn his life around or a wife get used to crowds are great things but not examples I view as unconditional love. I have unconditional love for my children only. No one else. I want the best for people, I'll help when I can but I wouldn't love them no matter what they do.


That's sort of how I was seeing the meaning of unconditional love as well.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

As'laDain said:


> i guess im just weird. i cant think of anyone i have ever hated. even the driver who killed my best friend right in front of me because he thought it was fun to drive fast as hell around tight turns. i hope some day i get to see him successful and happy... and responsible.


Not hate, just not love. If I love someone and some reason makes me stop loving them but still hope the best for them- that's still not unconditional love to me IMO. 
I read an interesting thing from Dr. Harley about unconditional love where he talks about this same thing 
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_ul.html
"_ I have specifically eliminated a third definition of love that is widely expressed: Wishing someone the best in life. When someone says "I love everyone," that's usually what they mean. And that kind of love can reasonably be given unconditionally. Personally, I want everyone to be happy, and no one to suffer regardless of what they've done to me or others. If that's what's meant by unconditional love at a wedding, I have no problem with it. _"

I think that's the kind of unconditional love you are taking about, I view it more as his first 2 definitions 
_ "(1) romantic love which is the feeling of incredible attraction to someone and (2) caring love which is meeting someone's needs. When you're in love, you feel something, and when you care, you do something. "_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Not hate, just not love. If I love someone and some reason makes me stop loving them but still hope the best for them- that's still not unconditional love to me IMO.
> I read an interesting thing from Dr. Harley about unconditional love where he talks about this same thing
> What's Wrong with Unconditional Love (Part 1)
> "_ I have specifically eliminated a third definition of love that is widely expressed: Wishing someone the best in life. When someone says "I love everyone," that's usually what they mean. And that kind of love can reasonably be given unconditionally. Personally, I want everyone to be happy, and no one to suffer regardless of what they've done to me or others. If that's what's meant by unconditional love at a wedding, I have no problem with it. _"
> ...


this is unconditional love. it is a kind of love. maybe not the kind you're narrowly defining. "hoping the best for someone" though is not quite there. there can be active participation even if it is passive. for example giving to the poor or donating to a righteous cause to the point of hurting. that is active participation and a form of love, even though it is indirect. there's nothing in it for me. but i do it out of love. 

I am meeting someones needs though indirectly. from your first quote above by dr. harley, even he concedes there is a form of unconditional love, but then he wants to define it more narrowly.
well what is it then? is there 'tiers of love' and unconditional love is of lessor value? either it's love or it isn't. i say it is.

when i love someone but detach from them, i can still do them good from afar. I can secretly send them money without any indication its from me. there's absolutley nothing in it for me.
its unconditional


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I think Dr. Harley's point is that unconditional _romantic_ love doesn't work. You can still feel unconditional love in the sense of wishing the best for a person - caring love, if you will. But unconditional romantic love can be absolutely disastrous, and nearly impossible. It's hard to stay "in love" with someone who treats you badly. You can still want the best for them, do good things for them, care about their welfare - but that's different from being romantically in love.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Rowan said:


> I think Dr. Harley's point is that unconditional _romantic_ love doesn't work. You can still feel unconditional love in the sense of wishing the best for a person - caring love, if you will. But unconditional romantic love can be absolutely disastrous, and nearly impossible. It's hard to stay "in love" with someone who treats you badly. You can still want the best for them, do good things for them, care about their welfare - but that's different from being romantically in love.


Of course it can (be disastrous). Probably usually is.
But it still can be love. I'm only contending with the idea that there is no such thing as unconditional love. that it doesn't exist.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't think love is a choice. I don't choose to love my kids or my spouse or my parents, I just DO. So I don't think you CAN 'choose' to unconditionally love, either. I think that you CAN choose to ACT towards others in a certain way and ignore negative feelings that you may have towards them, but love is a feeling, not an action. Love can be expressed by actions, and when you love someone you act lovingly towards them. But to act lovingly towards someone you hate is much harder, and I think that's probably what most people mean when they talk about unconditional love. They actually mean unconditional loving actions. I don't love my neighbour, but that doesn't mean I can't ACT lovingly towards them.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> i want the best for that young man that wrestled with. i really hope to see him make something of himself some day.
> 
> that is what unconditional love is all about. i dont want to punish him, i want to direct him down the right path. i want to see him succeed, not kill himself while driving drunk.


That isn't love. That is goodwill. Would you love him if he stopped, drank a pint of liquor and killed a family of four? You may pray for him, pity him, feel sad for him but would you still LOVE him? I think you are using love in the wrong context. Love is what you feel for your family or your best friend, etc. not your wrestling partner (unless it's a little nekkid wrestling with your spouse!)


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Try my personal example. Most of you know my story. Shortly after I married my wife I had the feeling I was plan B. There were some strong indicators that pointed to this. 

For almost three decades this has been in the back of my mind. There have been times in our life togehter that have been the happiest of my life. There have also been incredible lows for me. Until quite recently the past three years have been devasting emotionally at times for me. Through much discussion and dot connecting I have come to the conclusion that I am most certainly plan b.

As good as our relationship is today I would give it up tommorrow if she told me that she was in love with plan A and wanted a chance to live the rest of her life with him.

Why? Because despite all of the injustices I have "felt" throughout this relationship I love her unconditionally. If she felt that would make her happy then that is what I would want for her. Now if she left and thought she made a mistake I could not get back with her because that would just perpetuate the anguish of 30 years. I would move on and never look back but would always love her.

I suspect that is about as clost to Unconditional Love as I will ever get.

Do I strive to live "The Golden Rule" on a daily basis? Yes but it really is not the same thing.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

As'laDain,

I think what you described in your post is called compassion. 

It's important for us to have compassion. When we have compassion, we don't want to hurt other people, we want other people to be happy; we feel sad when other people are in bad situation; we do what we can to help people who are in bad situation; we do all kinds of positive things when we have compassion. 

A lot of people in this world now lack compassion, that's why we find it cold sometimes. People have become individualistic, selfish, self-centered, egotistic. These people end up being sad and depressed. But there ARE people who are still compassionate and caring. For example, what you are doing is being compassionate.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> That isn't love. That is goodwill. Would you love him if he stopped, drank a pint of liquor and killed a family of four? You may pray for him, pity him, feel sad for him but would you still LOVE him?



well, i still love the man who killed my best friend in high-school by speeding... 

so...
yea, i think i would.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

@RClawson: I am sure that is painful. My goodness. All the best.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

jld said:


> @RClawson: I am sure that is painful. My goodness. All the best.


It used to be jld but I am at peace with everything for the first time in my life. Your concern is appreciated of course.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> well, i still love the man who killed my best friend in high-school by speeding...
> 
> so...
> yea, i think i would.


Because you have COMPASSION. Because it was an accident, I presume.

I still think there is a condition that would cause you to NOT love someone. Can you not think of something a person would do that was unforgivable to you?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Because you have COMPASSION. Because it was an accident, I presume.
> 
> I still think there is a condition that would cause you to NOT love someone. *Can you not think of something a person would do that was unforgivable to you?*


no, i really cant. it doesnt mean i rugsweep, because that usually helps nobody. i just dont condemn them for it. 


i kinda wish i could help everyone... but, that would be impossible and unrealistic. both of my brothers are the same way. i guess it comes from our upbringing. not everyone needs help though...

so, i help who i can when i can.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

As'laDain said:


> i practice unconditional love with my wife as well. i try to make her as happy as i can, but i also *require her* to address the issues that are holding her back. for instance, i started *requiring her *to go to crowded places and practice coping mechanisms. at the end of each session, i would sit down and point out how she has improved.


Control is not love.

How will you feel and respond if she "requires" you to ______?

I used to allow my H to control me like that. Now he is married to the same wife but I am a defiant feminist. He was against me going to school, disliked my supportive friends and attempted to isolate me, etc. Will you love your wife if she stops allowing you to control her?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Blonde, I think Akinaura feels it as love. His control, his requiring her to do something, feels like love to her. 

It is like your husband encouraging you to go to school, to get your degree. You would feel that as love, right?

D/s is just different loving.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

jld said:


> Blonde, I think Akinaura feels it as love.


They've been married 5y and they just started this. My M was still in the bliss stage at 5y. Getting to the point where the M feels like a concentration camp is a slow process- like a frog in a kettle.

If I had still been allowing his control, he would not have "allowed" me to go to school or have the new career.

"Requiring" someone to do something and giving them a list of "precise orders" as he said in his other thread strike me as boundary violations. IME a pattern of boundary violations gets more and more intrusive and overbearing as time passes. We have 5 daughters. The septic had issues. H blamed toilet paper and gave "precise orders" that we were "required" to use no more than 5 sections per urination.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Blonde said:


> They've been married 5y and they just started this. My M was still in the bliss stage at 5y. Getting to the point where the M feels like a concentration camp is a slow process- like a frog in a kettle.
> 
> If I had still been allowing his control, he would not have "allowed" me to go to school or have the new career.
> 
> "Requiring" someone to do something and giving them a list of "precise orders" as he said in his other thread strike me as boundary violations. IME a pattern of boundary violations gets more and more intrusive and overbearing as time passes. We have 5 daughters. The septic had issues. H blamed toilet paper and gave "precise orders" that we were "required" to use no more than 5 sections per urination.


why are you still assuming that the dynamic between my wife and myself is the same as it was between your husband and you?

i would appreciate it if you would stop asking me about how my wife would feel about it later on down the road in my marriage. she is the one who asked me to do this for her, i had my reservations about it. i love my wife so i put them aside to try to please her and i absolutely love seeing how happy she is. 

i would also really appreciate it if you would stop comparing me to your husband.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Blonde, Akinaura wants this. She asked for it.

You didn't want it. You didn't ask for it. It was not voluntary for you.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

IMO, she doesn't need an H who agrees to control her. She needs counseling to find out* why* she wants to be treated like a child and to help her grow up and become an independent adult.

In my case, it was how I understood my religion- women are supposed to be submissive and men are the head of the household. So I take responsibility for the problems which came out of MY beliefs which I based on what I heard in church, etc. After years boiling in the kettle, I realize how much I misunderstood God and the Bible. A Wife's Submission | Lessons Learned in the Crucible of Marriage

Unsubscribing because you don't want to hear it. Just trying to be *LOVING* and save you from learning the long hard painful way.....


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Blonde said:


> IMO, she doesn't need an H who agrees to control her. She needs counseling to find out* why* she wants to be treated like a child and to help her grow up and become an independent adult.
> 
> In my case, it was how I understood my religion- women are supposed to be submissive and men are the head of the household. So I take responsibility for the problems which came out of MY beliefs which I based on what I heard in church, etc. After years boiling in the kettle, I realize how much I misunderstood God and the Bible. A Wife's Submission | Lessons Learned in the Crucible of Marriage
> 
> Unsubscribing because you don't want to hear it. Just trying to be *LOVING* and save you from learning the long hard painful way.....


You are such a nice person, Blonde, and I wish you would not unsubscribe. I feel like you have such a pained heart, and I feel compassion for you.

Blonde, some of us are never going to grow up. Not inside, anyway. We are always going to have a very present Inner Child. 

I can't speak for Akinaura, because I don't know her kinks, but the Inner Little Girl is definitely one of mine. It's real. I can't deny her. And dh accepts her.

I think D/s allows us to accept ourselves as we are, to work within our sexuality, because that is what this is. We are not all the same. I found that out last night as some dommes, or at least one, were identified on the thread in private.

I had heard about dommes, but I didn't have experience with them. Now I know some. I'm getting an idea of how they are.

You are very nice, Blonde, and I hope someday we can discuss this again. It doesn't come from religion. It is part of Nature.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

As'laDain said:


> i practice unconditional love with my wife as well. i try to make her as happy as i can, but i also require her to address the issues that are holding her back.


AFAIK, that's not what unconditional love means:

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. 

It means not requiring anything, not asking for anything, loving no matter what they do.

And, IMO, it has no place in a marriage.

In raising kids, absolutely - ALWAYS love your kids (but maybe not accept their actions). But in marriage, it's an arrangement, an accepted promise of BOTH of you meeting each other's needs.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

turnera said:


> AFAIK, that's not what unconditional love means:
> 
> Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations.
> 
> ...


hmm... thank you for your thoughts. the idea of what i prescribe to is agape. so, if somebody needs help and i can give it, then i do, regardless of who they are and what they have done. 

i dont think affection can last forever. i certainly dont feel affection for someone who treats me with disrespect or contempt. but, if i see them broken down on the side of the road, ill still stop and give them a hand if i can.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sure. But what's that got to do with your marriage?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Blonde said:


> IMO, she doesn't need an H who agrees to control her. She needs counseling to find out* why* she wants to be treated like a child and to help her grow up and become an independent adult.
> 
> In my case, it was how I understood my religion- women are supposed to be submissive and men are the head of the household. So I take responsibility for the problems which came out of MY beliefs which I based on what I heard in church, etc. After years boiling in the kettle, I realize how much I misunderstood God and the Bible. A Wife's Submission | Lessons Learned in the Crucible of Marriage
> 
> Unsubscribing because you don't want to hear it. Just trying to be *LOVING* and save you from learning the long hard painful way.....



Blonde, i appreciate your concern. 

so far as counseling, we have been going down that route for four years now. while she has been in counseling for fifteen years. she has been evaluated many times by very practiced therapists and psychologists. she still had her difficulties coping with the pain in her life. 

when she revealed to me her desire for our current dynamic, i was very resistant too it. it didnt just pass, she kept wanting it. so, at one point i decided to do what i can for her. i want her to feel fulfilled. 

and then i realized that i can use it as an opportunity to help her overcome her anxiety. we discussed it all out. 

she basically told me that its ok if i hold her accountable on working through her fears. so i did. 

i believe it makes it easier for her to subject herself to the fear of confronting her fears. in the context of an "order", which is sort of like a role playing game(which is less scary) she follows the order. she doesnt worry about the outcome, since its not her fault if she fails. its my fault because im the one who came up with the task. she simply executed. 

this is a way for me to help my wife, to develop her confidence. its a way for her to confront her fears in a way that will actually build her confidence. 

i couldn't be happier for it. i love my wife dearly.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

It seems to be working very well, As'laDain. Akinaura was amazing last night.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I know this thread is aimed at unconditional love IN MARRIAGE, but I just thought I'd throw in that the Buddhist concept of unconditional love is very similar to Christian. I believe even Hindhu has similar concept.

"The definition of love in Buddhism is: wanting others to be happy.
This love is unconditional and it requires a lot of courage and acceptance (including self-acceptance)." From 'The four immeasureables' a view on Buddhism


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I think there's a big difference between the buddhist-ish idea of universal compassion and the kind of "love" you're talking about in a marriage. In fact if you see your wife through that same lens as everyone else, I'd say you have a pretty cold idea of marital love.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

It's not 'universal compassion', it's universal LOVE in buddhist terminology. Not my definition theirs.

However I acknowledge there has to be a different type of love in marriage. The nature of marital love has a different quality of love.
Unconditional love in marriage is highly problematic. I think that's the point of a lot of people here. 

Again, I'm only contending it exists 


"to me, unconditional love is constantly looking out for the betterment of others. its not a feeling, its a choice. most of the time, i love unconditionally. its just easier that way, to me. i dont like this back and forth thing where one minute i feel like helping somebody and the next i want to drop them by the side of the road and drive off."

Isn't that how As'LsDain started his thread?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"If there is love, there is hope that one may have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace. If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue"
His Holiness the Dalai Lama from 'The little book of Buddhism'

Attachment and love are similar in that both of them draw us to the other person. But in fact, these two emotions are quite different. When we’re attached we’re drawn to someone because he or she meets our needs. In addition, there are lots of strings attached to our affection that we may or may not realize are there. For example, I “love” you because you make me feel good. I “love” you as long as you do things that I approve of. I “love” you because you’re mine. You’re my spouse or my child or my parent or my friend. With attachment, we go up and down like a yo-yo, depending on how the other person treats us. We obsess, “What do they think of me? Do they love me? Have I offended them? How can I become what they want me to be so that they love me even more?” It’s not very peaceful, is it? We’re definitely stirred up.
On the other hand, the love we’re generating on the Dharma path is unconditional. We simply want other to have happiness and the causes of happiness without any strings attached, without any expectations of what these people will do for us or how good they’ll make us feel.
Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Living with Wisdom and Compassion, by Thubten Chodron


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I prefer Slavoj Zizek on love:

"I was always disgusted with this notion of “I love the world,” universal love. I don’t like the world. I don’t know how… Basically, I’m somewhere in between “I hate the world” or “I’m indifferent towards it.” But the whole of reality, it’s just it. It’s stupid. It is out there. I don’t care about it. Love, for me, is an extremely violent act. Love is not “I love you all.” Love means I pick out something, and it’s, again,this structure of imbalance. Even if this something is just a small detail… a fragile individual person… I say “I love you more than anything else.”"


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

To each they're own, of course

I prefer Jesus and Sidhartha Gauthamma. 

Now Who again was Slavoj Zizek??????


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

As'laDain, you said you never hated a person.

I think it is not good to hate. There is also so many hate in this world and it makes it just worse... but how do you manage not to hate? Do you detach yourself?

I have to admit that I sometimes do hate a person for the all the wrong reasons, like when I sat on the bus and there was a guy who put his shoes on the seat... and I thought "Grrrr, he is putting his shoes there. One day I might have to sit there... and might sit in the dog poo which might have been under his shoe"... and then I got very hateful... and guess I gave him what others call my "death stare"... and after I have left the bus I spend just a while hating him.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Good for you for being honest, Imt. We learn the most from people when they are just upfront and honest.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> As'laDain, you said you never hated a person.
> 
> I think it is not good to hate. There is also so many hate in this world and it makes it just worse... but how do you manage not to hate? Do you detach yourself?
> 
> I have to admit that I sometimes do hate a person for the all the wrong reasons, like when I sat on the bus and there was a guy who put his shoes on the seat... and I thought "Grrrr, he is putting his shoes there. One day I might have to sit there... and might sit in the dog poo which might have been under his shoe"... and then I got very hateful... and guess I gave him what others call my "death stare"... and after I have left the bus I spend just a while hating him.



well, i have been angry with people before, but i have never hated them. it takes too much energy to carry around ill will. 
maybe i do detach... 

you pretty much have to shoot me in the foot to tick me off.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

turnera said:


> AFAIK, that's not what unconditional love means:
> 
> Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations.
> 
> ...


Correct, and both are beautiful types of love.

There are MANY conditions to my marriage...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Unconditional love. Put your mother-in-law, wife and your dog in the trunk of your car. Drive for a mile and then open the trunk. Which one will be glad to see you?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Unconditional love. Put your mother-in-law, wife and your dog in the trunk of your car. Drive for a mile and then open the trunk. Which one will be glad to see you?


there is a reason why dogs are considered mans best friend!


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