# Please make it stop hurting! I dont know what to do anymore.



## N_chanted (Nov 11, 2012)

I have been here off and on since last year. I read a lot. Eventually i posted. I shared a lot of threads with my H. After months of my begging he finally read some. 
He eventually joined. He's posted 3x. 

The one post he started was lies. He meant none of it. 

He has continued how he treated me. He has no remorse. He cries about sad stuff on TV but doesnt have any emotion for me. 

I have sunk even lower than i was before. I hate my life. I just dont want to live it anymore. 

H turned his back on me and he's alienated our kids against me. He refused to stop his cheating. He's a serial cheater. Serial liar. Mentally and emotionally abusive. Physically too. 

He wouldnt move, so i did. I had to. 

I cant bear the sight of him. I hate the house. His cars. The sound of his voice makes me want to puke. 

And yet i love him. I can talk to him on yahoo, and miss him so much. Feel like i cant breathe without him. And yet he still wont show remorse. He acts like its nothing. Like im nothing. 

I cant get past anything. He's never tried, he laughs at my heartbreak and pain. He says he loves me, yet does nothing. He goes out where/when he wants. 
Yes hes given me his email accounts. His cell account. And i see Hundreds of txt evey month which look like they come from yahoo. Yet nothing going to the screen name i know about. 

I have no friends. I hate my job. I have no support system. Im tired of living in purgatory. I cant take this pain. 

I want it to stop. I need it to stop. Please someone help me make it stop hurting. 
I dont want to love him anymore. I want to move on. And yet the thought of it makes me feel like i'm the one who's unfaithful. 

Please, please make it stop hurting. 

I want my life back. I want to move on and let my heart heal. He wont stop saying he loves me. I think he does it to keep me around. When i cry, he gets mean and nasty. Says emotionally damaging things. 

Please stop hurting me. 

Maybe you will read this. Maybe you wont. 

But if you do and you question that its me, here are three signifigant dates to show you. 


4/14/99
11/19/99
1/19/2001

Please let me heal.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

You need to break contact. Quit talking to him you are like a person who keep touching the pot of boiling water getting burned and then touching it again. You will never move on if you keep talking to him. Quit saying "I love you" to him he does not deserve it. Get out more often and talk to people. If you want to meet people go onto divorce dating websites then at least you meet people who may understand your pain. But mostly you need to stop contact.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

It's time to start collecting alimony.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Stop crying over this duche. He doesn't love anyone but himself no matter what he says. He's manipulative and vulgar. 

You have to expect to be in pain for a while. It's going to take time for you to detach from him because he is so manipulative and has controlled you, but you will eventually get over him. Just don't listen to his lies and try to focus on yourself and your children


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

He sounds like a total narcissist. You have to cut him off. He's poison. You know it, now you have to do it. You've moved, that's good, now just make the break.


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

Oh N_chanted, your post was heartbreaking to read. Your post title was exactly how I felt many times in the months after dday. I just wanted, needed somebody to take the pain away. Ineffable torture of the heart and soul.

Your situation sounds worse in that your husband sounds narcissistic. The kind of person who you need to run from hell from. He's manipulating you in order to keep you around. Narcissistic people don't take rejection very well. Though they willingly hurt those who become closest to them. I suggest you read up on narcissism as it may help you make sense of how he could do this to you.

I wish I could hug you. Or better I wish God, or some powerful spiritual force could wrap you up in comfort. The one thing I can say is that once you are out of the situation, you will find moments of beauty. But you really can't begin to heal so long as you are involved emotionally with this cruel being! Please change your phone number, account names, move to another state if need be! You must extricate yourself totally from him. You do not deserve to be treated like this. You are a unique human being with your own story - don't let him try to make you feel otherwise.

I can't make you stop hurting. But know that there are many others here feeling the kind of pain that seems beyond what one can bear. Are you seeing a counselor? Do you love animals? Do you have a sweet dog who can show you what unconditional love really is? Try to find some way to bring some kindness into your life. 

I know it's hard. The more depressed we get, the more we just want to crawl into a hole. I don't believe anyone who hasn't experienced betrayal can really understand. And so I keep the misery separate from those who love/loved me. I've stopped returning calls and emails. So many here are with you in this misery. But honestly, I can say it does get better. It's like an economic graph where the general trend may be positive, but there are many peaks and valleys along the way.

Hang in there n_chanted. TAM-CWIers are here to support one another.

Hugs,
TotallyUnexpected


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have your children?

What have you done to start to build a support system?


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

Nchanted, start working on you, caring for you. You moved out, good for you it shows strength and a will to survive. You have it in you, just stay strong and do the next right thing for yourself and your kids. This doesn't include him. As Machiavelli said, time to start collecting alimony.

Think about you!


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

You answered so many of your own questions/comments. Now you just need to STAY away from him. Don't let him back into your mind. You've lost your identity, your strength, and your about to lose your very soul to this guy that treats you like dirt.

When you feel weak, or like your going to give in again, think about the things that make you angry about him and use it to your advantage, not your weakness. It will buy you some time, and time is what you need to make it all feel better.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Reading your post breaks my heart.

Its been two days since your post...how are you doing today? Have you done anything for yourself, to help YOU?!


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

get professional help lady.....you spoke about not having the will to live...you crossed the line.....listen to me when i tell you this....

i was with a serial cheater....get to the bottom of why you didn't pick them off before......and heal...its hard...i'm in hell myself now....

but you cross the line with not having the will to live.....get a pro now....these message boards can supplement...but get some help...


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## N_chanted (Nov 11, 2012)

I am seeing a counselor. 

Im trying anyways. I feel like they are quacks, but i am honestly trying. 

I miss my husband. The man i love. And then i get to see him. And i hate that man, the one who hurt me, who is still hurting me. 

I have a job interview this week. In another time zone. Pretty far away. Im torn if i want to move forward or not.


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