# Need an ear!



## just_wondering (Jul 25, 2011)

Okay so I cannot believe I am even writing this but I can not wrap my head around the situation in our marriage right now. Okay here is the issue. We have been married for 6 years and have 4 children (2 are from a previous marriage 2 from my husband). When we get a moment alone I take advantage of it. In June I stopped breast feeding our baby and our sex life has taken a toll. Wait let me rephrase that our penetration time has taken a toll. At first I thought perhaps he is not attracted to me like before, but he still gets hot with just a look that I give him (its a killer one, lol :smthumbup. He will bring me to orgasm in other ways just like I will to him (clearly just oral) so why no sticking it in the old hole? Tonight I put on some sweet perfume sexy undies and bra and seduced him after he got home from his workout. Well he was hot and he asked if I wanted to once again perform oral sex on him. I said what about him sticking it in me, he complained he was tired and had no energy. So I did get myself done but did not do anything to him, he said it was fine as he was tired anyways. I asked him afterwords why don't we have sex like we use to? Are you afraid of getting pregnant again? (have not gotten my IUD put in yet from having this last baby) His response is he never thought of that and that he is tired specially when he doing his workout routine. He told me he only wants lazy sex either oral or spooning or me on top. Now he has said this before and we have just did the lazy sec route too but its gotten really bad. In addition, he recently has developed a mass of tissue on his lower neck area that is going to be biopsy. Now at first he noticed I was "treating" him different taking extra care of him he assured me that what happens we can not prevent it and we can not go though life as if it is preventable. Basically saying lets just remain business as usual. I am thinking it may be effecting him more then he is letting e in on. 

So, guys out there when you are building up your muscles is it common to go though this? Any ladies ever go though this? How about any guys who have gone though a biopsy or treated for cancer before knowing how was your intimate relationship. When he feel asleep tonight I cried for my husband because I feel as if he is not communicating everything to me. Any comments would be appreciated.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I had oral cancer 3 years ago and lost 1/3 of my tongue to surgery. A second surgery on my neck followed within about a month. My drive fell off sharply prior to the biopsy because i was stressed out of my mind and knew something was wrong. I tried not to talk to much to her about it because I didn't want to worry her. I just pushed it down the best I could. He may be in a similar situation.

If this is the case, my advice is don't push him about sex right now. Wait for the biopsy results and if it comes up good address it at that time.


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## ViperStorm (Jul 11, 2011)

Typically working out can help increase T counts which normally results in increased desires. Granted workouts can be tiring but other than being sweaty workouts generally increased my sexual desires. Individual mileage may vary so don't read too much into that.

Not sure how to word this but has he been 'responding' appropriately? ED issues are very complicated and can be very depressing for us men. Getting or maintaining can be hard to overcome. I had some traumatic psychological problems in the past that put me into a 3 or 4 month funk and I can tell you I did all I could do to avoid intercourse. It just is so atypical for a male.

I think the recommendation to not pressure him is good. I know you are hurting but he seems to be still caring of you and he does have other physical issues that can be having an impact.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Wow there are several things it could be. He could be stressed about the biopsy thing for one. Depending on what is going on witht hat, it might be zapping his energy plus his workouts as well. 

Is it possible you all could try and have sex when he hasn't just gotten in from a workout? IMO it could either be the thing on his neck or there are some men who do have a problem with sex (penetration) after a baby is born. You said you have four kids. I assume two are yours with him. Was he like this after the other child was born?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

When is he supposed to go in for the biopsy of his neck? It might be that, but then again not sure why he can do oral and other things but not intercourse, Unless he feels its just to much work because he feels his energy is zapped. Although, I do wonder myself how much energy he would have or if he would be up for intercourse if he didn't work out. Weird he can have energy for that, tissue on neck or not.


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