# Falling for an emotionally unavailable man???



## Faith.N.Love (Sep 2, 2010)

I may have accidently posted this in the wrong section but oh well lol. This may be a long story but then again i guess you'd expect this from a web site like this lol.

Before I start, we both are police officers working in the same division (I know for sure that there aren't any rules against relationships in the same department...believe me I've checked and rechecked lol). 

The man that I'm refering to has been through hell and back and I'm not quite sure what to do, how to approach this, or if I even should. 

He's 32 (I'm 24) and he's been a cop since he was 19 and a reservist in the Marine Corps since he was 17/18 ish. He was called to active duty where he served for quite a while in combat. 

During his time over there (roughly 6 years ago), he was injured by an explosion that sent him home with more than just physical scars. He suffers from PTSD (mostly nightmares) and when he had returned his girlfriend left him because she couldn't take his scars and nightmares (her cheating also was a factor). Needless to say, he distanced himself from pretty much every woman that showed interest. His best friend, whom I'm very close to, says that he wants nothing to do with women in general and that he's very insecure about his scars and everything else. He basically threw himself into work earning him a very good reputation amongst other officers.

But.....theres a wee bit more...

When he came back he was offered a temporary position at the academy as an instructor (this is how I met him) to get back on his feet before going back on the streets. He was my instructor...well one of my instructors. He was always very cold and hard on me more than the other women. I called him out on it once and I'm pretty sure I stunned him (I'm normally a very nice person but I'll be honest by saying I was an utter b*tch to him). I had always had a feeling about him since I met him but kept it hidden in the back of my brain for a while. 

After I graduated, we both were transfered to the same department but had not spoken much at first...just casual looks for a while and years later we've become semi-familar with each other (he's still guarded). Just recently, my girl friends and I had gone out to celebrate one of their birthdays when I was caught in a bit of a crunch. I went to the bar to order more drinks when a guy started hitting on me pretty aggressively to the point of grabbing on my wrist pretty roughly. My friend and my instructor were with some other cop friends and saw the whole thing. He came over, grabbed the guy by the collar, and pulled a 'marine' on him before I could even react. The creep left and he asked me if I was alright but I was still in a bit of a shock. He was extremely caring and held my wrist for a little bit to check it but was immediately embarrassed and left pretty quick after that. When I talked to his best friend later he said he was surprised to see that side from him again.

This isn't the only incident where something like this has happened. He's known for being a hard ass while most of the guys seem to think of me as their counselor or mother since I usually bring them baked goods and stuff (donuts baby lmao) But every so often I catch a soft glance from him, which I return with a smile. I just don't know what to do?!?!?! I'm so clueless. I've never been in a serious relationship before and I'm one of those girls who if you date its intended to be long term. But I know that how I feel about him isn't something that I can easily ignore anymore. I just wish he would let go of some of his insecurities because I know that he's truely a great guy.

Well...thats all for tonight. Off to work for me... 

I also wanted to thank Littledevil83 for your friendship and advice!!!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Dating is just dating. It's a selection and "get to know" process. Marriage is long term. You haven't even gone out with this guy and he's not given you any indication he's even interested in dating you, let alone having anything long term. This guy is a Marine and a police officer. In the bar, he responded as a Marine and a cop would. I would have done the same and I've never laid eyes on you. As your instructor and as a fellow cop, it's only natural that he'd protect you. That's what we do. Maybe he's interested in you romantically. Maybe he's interested in you sexually. Maybe he just sees you as another student or another cop or a nice woman.
Why don't you just ask this guy out? I wouldn't run up and tell him that you have heavy feelings for him and are kinda thinking about a long term thing. That approach even scares combat hardened Marines.


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

If he is single, your single and he is available and willing please do follow your heart. Slow, gentle steps, the man will open up to someone he likes. Lots of talking from you, eventually you must tell him how you feel. Respect his wishes if he wants you to step back. Do not let yourself get to embroiled as it will hurt if he says no. 

Normally one of the golden rules is do not date a work colleague.

I have been in an unfortunate position where in a tense moment the reaction of man A to protect lady B almost took my whole unit out. Rational thinking goes out of the window if you are close to each other and have to work in close proximity, especially in your line of work.


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