# Escort addiction



## Smile26 (Dec 15, 2020)

Hello all,
So I recently found out that my fiance has been messaging escorts. I confronted him about it and he admitted to messaging one, but i know there are several others. 
We have been struggling lately in our relationship but we talked about things and i thought we were going on the right track. However, I snuck into his phone and found him messaging another escort after he told me that he was never going to do that again. I'm so confused on what to do or what to feel or think. Sometimes i feel like he does these things to test me and to see if I sneak around in his phone. But something also tells me that he have messed with an escort before. I am so confused. I have not told him about the recent finding because i am very upset. How do I confront him?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

The sensible thing would be to dump him right now.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Smile26 said:


> i feel like he does these things to test me and to see if I sneak around in his phone. But something also tells me that he have messed with an escort before. I am so confused. I have not told him about the recent finding because i am very upset. How do I confront him?


“Aha! I only talk to hookers because I wanted to see if I can trust you with my privacy! You failed! I showed you!!!” You want that guy instead of the one that likes talking to escorts just because? I’m just asking. 

He promised he wouldn’t do it, he is. He does not keep promises, you have evidence of that. I think it is safe to then surmise that he will not keep his promises in marriage either. 

I guess it depends on how entwined you already are but, I think the best way to tell him is to pack your stuff and leave his ring on the table, and go to your family until you find a new place (if you are living together) maybe text him a screen shot of his escort chat on your way out and put his phone number on block. Forever? (I hope you have family to go to). And one day you will be thankful you didn’t marry a liar.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Smile26 said:


> Hello all,
> So I recently found out that my fiance has been messaging escorts. I confronted him about it and he admitted to messaging one, but i know there are several others.
> We have been struggling lately in our relationship but we talked about things and i thought we were going on the right track. However, I snuck into his phone and found him messaging another escort after he told me that he was never going to do that again. *I'm so confused on what to do or what to feel or think.*


Hi @Smile26,

This is actually kind of an easy one. What you do and feel and think is to love yourself more. Seriously, say that to yourself out loud: love yourself more. 

Love yourself more than this. Love yourself enough to ONLY accept a life partner who will commit 100% to you and will police himself on his commitment. 

Love yourself enough to ONLY accept a life partner who will honor ALL of their promises, because if he can't honor this promise, then why would you believe he can (or will) honor his marriage vows?

Love yourself enough to ONLY accept a life partner who will SHARE his phone with you and be open and transparent, not hiding things from you and secretive. 

Love yourself enough to wait for a life partner who VALUES YOU.



> Sometimes i feel like he does these things to test me and to see if I sneak around in his phone. But something also tells me that he have messed with an escort before. I am so confused. I have not told him about the recent finding because i am very upset. How do I confront him?


Actually this is fairly easy too. You gather your courage and you tell him you love yourself more than to commit your life to a partner who does not value you, does not honor his promises, does not live a fully transparent life sharing with you, and who turns to escorts for ANY reason. @Smile26 , it is 100% reasonable for you to expect your fiance to be committed exclusively to YOU (and no one else). It is 100% reasonable for you to expect your fiance to share himself, his thoughts, his feelings, and his sexuality with you exclusively. He does not meet the mark of "date material" much less fiance or husband material. It is a painful lesson, but learn it and love yourself more.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Smile26 said:


> Hello all,
> So I recently found out that my fiance has been messaging escorts. I confronted him about it and he admitted to messaging one, but i know there are several others.
> We have been struggling lately in our relationship but we talked about things and i thought we were going on the right track. However, I snuck into his phone and found him messaging another escort after he told me that he was never going to do that again. I'm so confused on what to do or what to feel or think. Sometimes i feel like he does these things to test me and to see if I sneak around in his phone. But something also tells me that he have messed with an escort before. I am so confused. I have not told him about the recent finding because i am very upset. How do I confront him?


You have all the information you need. 
Run like hell. 
Do not marry this person, break up and move on.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Odds are, he's having sex with them. There are websites where you can pay to have sex with an escort. I know a man who has done this, and I know b/c it was my ex boyfriend's friend who did it. He even showed me the website!! So if you're having problems like this NOW, when you're not even married, and with marriage pressures things only get harder, I'd say leave his a**. You don't need this crap. And, you can't make him change. When someone shows you who they are, believe them and run while you're not married.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You are not even married yet, and already he is cheating, lying and deceiving. Why would you even think of marrying a man who you surely cant even trust? The massive red flags are flying high, its time to end it and move on. Find a decent man who will be faithful and honest. You would be a fool to stay with him unless you want a life of misery. Oh and BTW, you called it an addiction, its not its him choosing to cheat.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I'm with everyone else. This man is NOT marriage material and he is NOT doing this to test you. He is a certified scumbag. You will be miserable in your marriage if you marry this man. I'm sorry he's not who you thought he was, but be grateful you found out now, before it's too late. Breaking an engagement is a heck of a lot easier than going through a divorce. 

_hugs_


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Givin the hard evidence I can’t even comprehend why your asking these questions or even here. He is obviously a dirt bag and if you still marry him then you deserve what you get.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He will continue to lie to you as long as you allow it.

It’s time to move on


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I would say he is showing you who he really is. He isn’t the person you thought he was. You have to decide if this is the type of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

This man does not have the character I hope you’re looking for.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Smile26 said:


> Hello all,
> So I recently found out that my fiance has been messaging escorts. I confronted him about it and he admitted to messaging one, but i know there are several others.
> We have been struggling lately in our relationship but we talked about things and i thought we were going on the right track. However, I snuck into his phone and found him messaging another escort after he told me that he was never going to do that again. I'm so confused on what to do or what to feel or think. Sometimes i feel like he does these things to test me and to see if I sneak around in his phone. But something also tells me that he have messed with an escort before. I am so confused. I have not told him about the recent finding because i am very upset. How do I confront him?


Of course he's messed with an escort before. If he wasn't spending money on them they wouldn't be talking to him.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Escorts don't get paid to message, they get paid for sex, and I'm sure they aren't just wasting their time for free.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

And if they are messaging, this would be their pimp most of the time, not even them. Ginning up clients. 

He could be paying to watch them over webcam too.

No way you should ignore this. If he's doing this now, when he's engaged and supposedly all in love, he'll never stop cheating or using prostitutes. Call it off.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

People who truly love each other do not test each other by doing things harmful to the relationship. You are blaming yourself for his behavior and that usually means he is already manipulating you, emotionally abusing you and making you feel as though you are somehow worth less than you really are. Hold him accountable for HIS behavior. Dump him unless you want someone who lies and cheats. If you marry him, you are going to be miserable


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Smile26 said:


> Hello all,
> So I recently found out that my fiance has been messaging escorts. I confronted him about it and he admitted to messaging one, but i know there are several others.
> We have been struggling lately in our relationship but we talked about things and i thought we were going on the right track. However, I snuck into his phone and found him messaging another escort after he told me that he was never going to do that again. I'm so confused on what to do or what to feel or think. Sometimes i feel like he does these things to test me and to see if I sneak around in his phone. But something also tells me that he have messed with an escort before. I am so confused. I have not told him about the recent finding because i am very upset. How do I confront him?


If you marry this person you will ruin your life, possibly your kids life, and maybe generations.

Stop now. You will get over it in 2 years and you will actually be better for it because it will make you much more aware of what to avoid.

If you continue he will do this for the entirely of your marriage, he may abandon you, you will see the pain he causes on your children's faces. You will face financial issues possible ruin, he may end up in the courts, possibly jail. finally this kind of addictive personality may even be genetic so it could be a problem for generations or your offspring.

Imagine the day when your teenage daughter finds the number of escorts on her fathers phone.

Yes it's that serious!

You have a chance to save your life. Don't miss the opportunity.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Please don’t marry this dude. I beg you.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

There is no point to confronting someone who is a known liar. The proof is in the pudding, he is cheating on you and has no remorse.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

There really is no need and not even any actual benefit to “confronting him.”

Simply walk away and carry on with own life without him.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You see here is the thing with guys who hire professionals - they pay women in order to not be in a relationship.

Remember Julia Roberts’ famous line in the movie, “Pretty Woman” ........ “men don’t pay hookers for sex. They pay them to leave.” 

That is a true statement. They are paying for a hookers time so they don’t have to be in a relationship. 

Now think about that for a second and you tell me that a man who pays women to walk after they ejaculate, is that man even relationship material let alone marriage and family material???


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Smile, your boyfriend's got issues that you're not going to be able to deal with. He can't deal with them and cannot control his compulsions. He likely doesn't want to lie and deceive you but he cannot stop. Sex is the area of life most subject to neurotic behavior. It ain't going away.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MODERATOR NOTE: On TAM, we do not blame the victim of a cheater


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

**Smile26 *we all understand how hard it will be to move on. We have all had to do it at one point or another. 

The girl I proposed to didn't accept even though we had talked about it for months. After a while I snooped in her email and found her laughing about the situation with her new boyfriend who I had no idea about. I actually had an out of body experience at that moment. I promise you I could not have loved a person more, in fact it was an innocent love, which I will never have again. 

Every once in a while I say this but let me say it again, there is this idea that the people who stay together love their partner more then the people who don't. Nothing can be further from the truth. I think we all love pretty hard, the difference is the people who break up do so because they know they have to and are able to summon the courage to do so. Doesn't mean it hurts any less, in fact it may hurt more in the short term. 

I broke up after a few weeks, one day I looked in the mirror and decided, even if I was to going be in agony for the rest of my life, it was better then staying with someone who could treat me that way. It was the best thing I ever did. I ended up marrying one of the best people I have ever known, more then a decade ago. Even though I would have argued ageist it at the time, I did love again. Even though I had NO doubt, love for me was over, I was wrong.

It will hopefully be the most courageous thing you do, but it will set your life up, for the rest of it. It is a leap of faith and something I know your heart doesn't want. Sometimes you have to follow what your mind knows is true, because the heart isn't capable of knowing what is best, it just feels. This is one of those times.

It will take time but you will heal, I promise. You will come to believe it's the best thing you could have ever done. 

I would bet good money on it. 

It will be hard, but we will be here for you. Most of us have gone through this. It's the main reason why I post. Because I didn't believe I would heal and I needed people to tell me I would. I remember. 

This is probably one of the worst things to happen to you, I am sure, but it's NOT the end of your life or your joy. I encourage you to be the bravest maybe you have ever been, and bet your future on yourself. Your kids will thank you for it.


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## nypsychnurse (Jan 13, 2019)

How do you confront him? You don't.
Because now you know the truth,and confronting him will only lead to more lies and confusion...
All of us on this forum have been in your shoes...it doesn't get better, not with him anyway...
I know in your heart you are imagining confronting him, and him telling you that he loves you and that it will never happen again, but It doesn't ever really go that way...
The only thing to do is leave...you are worth so much more than whatever he has to offer 

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

nypsychnurse said:


> it doesn't get better, not with him anyway...
> Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


But I 100% promise you your life will. If you move on you will heal and still have a great life, just as great as you hoped for.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Carolayec said:


> There is love, and there are sexual needs. That's the truth.. Men will always want this, and if they are not in a relationship-this is a common way to relieve stress..


It's not that common. Most men don't go to prostitutes.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Tell your family, they’ll support you and understand why you’re not going to marry him. 

Somewhere a guy is out there praying to meet the girl of his dreams. That would be you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Smile26 Your thread has gotten some traction. How are you? How are things with you?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

you need to seriously reconsider this relationship.
if you two are supposed to be monogamous in your dating relationship, he is failing that test.
Are you OK with possibly picking up some disease he is getting from this escort? Is this escort a woman? Sometimes these "escorts" turn out to be transgender, which would bring up the question of if your fiance is really heterosexual. And finally, i would be asking "am i not enough for you"? I mean, once you ARE MARRIED, would he still be secretly hitting these escorts to get something more than you can give him?


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

fionalam said:


> I really like this thread. Very cool. I love sex with my wife. It is very cool. And we also like to experiment. Are there any people who want to try with us ?


Hang tight. I’m sure many people will be along shortly to get your number. 😂


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

GC1234 said:


> Odds are, he's having sex with them. There are websites where you can pay to have sex with an escort. I know a man who has done this, and I know b/c it was my ex boyfriend's friend who did it. He even showed me the website!! So if you're having problems like this NOW, when you're not even married, and with marriage pressures things only get harder, I'd say leave his a**. You don't need this crap. And, you can't make him change. When someone shows you who they are, believe them and run while you're not married.


No dude, he’s just talking to them. Nobody has sex with prostitutes, do they?
Damn, she actually thinks he’s only talking to them. Naivety of galactic proportions.

Please don’t marry this “person”. He can’t even find a legit woman to cheat on you with, he’s such a loser. He’s worse than a cheater.
Run Forrest!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Well .... it was 6 months ago. I’m sure she figured it out by now.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

sokillme said:


> **Smile26 *we all understand how hard it will be to move on. We have all had to do it at one point or another.
> 
> The girl I proposed to didn't accept even though we had talked about it for months. After a while I snooped in her email and found her laughing about the situation with her new boyfriend who I had no idea about. I actually had an out of body experience at that moment. I promise you I could not have loved a person more, in fact it was an innocent love, which I will never have again.
> 
> ...


Awesome and profound post.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

dragging up this from the past is one thing drag it up looking for swinging experience i think your on the wrong forum 


fionalam said:


> I really like this thread. Very cool. I love sex with my wife. It is very cool. And we also like to experiment. Are there any people who want to try with us ?


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> No dude, he’s just talking to them. Nobody has sex with prostitutes, do they?
> Damn, she actually thinks he’s only talking to them. Naivety of galactic proportions.
> 
> Please don’t marry this “person”. He can’t even find a legit woman to cheat on you with, he’s such a loser. He’s worse than a cheater.
> Run Forrest!


LOL


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Mr.Married said:


> Well .... it was 6 months ago. I’m sure she figured it out by now.


She's probably married and pregnant by now.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> She's probably married and pregnant by now.


 hope to some one that does not talk to prostitutes


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Awesome and profound post.


Except for all the spelling mistakes. Grrr. I just can't see them when I write.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This thread is now closed to further replies.


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