# I have an odd life



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Sometimes I just laugh at myself and the life I live because it is a fair way outside the norm. I like it this way though and am very happy.

eg last week it just happened, dinner at my house with my partner, ex and kids. We all seem to handle it all so well, kids take it in their stride, ex and my partner get along well and are respectful and I just sit back and watch all the interaction with awe.

This week I am dog sitting my partners ex wife's dog :rofl:

Are there other's out there that defy the norms when it comes to post divorce life and everyone just getting along and being happy?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Holland said:


> Sometimes I just laugh at myself and the life I live because it is a fair way outside the norm. I like it this way though and am very happy.
> 
> eg last week it just happened, dinner at my house with my partner, ex and kids. We all seem to handle it all so well, kids take it in their stride, ex and my partner get along well and are respectful and I just sit back and watch all the interaction with awe.
> 
> ...


I know my FIL and MIL have been divorced for going on 35 years. They have been good friends throughout. My FIL is remarried and they often travel to where my MIL lives to visit family, and they stay at her house. She does the same when traveling back "home" where my FIL lives. Just a very good platonic friendship and I know they have each others backs if something happens.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I was like that with my older daughter's father. I'd go to pick her up and have tea with him and his girlfriend. Or he'd come over for dinner with my boyfriend. He'd stay the night (on the couch) for xmas and xmas eves...and we'd make "family dates" with our kid and just hang out like nothing bad ever happened between us.

I can't see me doing ANYTHING social with my STBX until I get a heartfelt apology for his bullshet lies and the way he bad mouthed me to his ex. So....that's probably a NEVER


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Wish it were that way.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

No offense but the thought makes me sick. I'd rather not even see x again once all this has finally settled down let alone that. 

Spose it might be different if the splits were mutual and no one did the dirty .


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I understand that whitehawk and guess most want nothing to do with an ex. We did not have any infidelity, violence, drinking etc.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There are plenty of people who get along A-ok with their exes and even do the dinners with the smiling and talking with the new partners and babysitting.

I will never be one of them though.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Holland said:


> Sometimes I just laugh at myself and the life I live because it is a fair way outside the norm. I like it this way though and am very happy.
> 
> eg last week it just happened, dinner at my house with my partner, ex and kids. We all seem to handle it all so well, kids take it in their stride, ex and my partner get along well and are respectful and I just sit back and watch all the interaction with awe.
> 
> ...


My ex and I take turns helping each other out with our pets. He pet sits for me and I return the favor.We work at the same office so we talk often and occasionally vent about family stuff too.
It works.I don't care what anyone else says or thinks about it.My SO knows I don't ever want to be with my ex and he's comfortable with things.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

The guy I've been dating for months has this kind of relationship with his ex. At first I was a little insecure with it, and still every now and then it stings a little when he goes there for dinner.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do that, I like my life seperate from my ex, I guess I'm one of those people that believe that your marriage ends, so does the friendship...to a point. Unless it's about the kids. For instance I'm fine with doing one birthday party for my daughter, and we'll all be together.

Honestly, the whole "hanging out" with the the ex and kids a couple of times of week is weird. My guy will spend two evenings a week visiting his kids at his ex's, although they have a shared custody agreement. 

Call me strange, but if you get a long that well, why divorce then?? I think if you're the partner of a person who has this relationship, it takes a very secure individual to be ok with this, for me, I'm so so with it...I guess with time.

My parents have been divorced for 37 years, and every now and then my dad calls my mom to chat. But they had a lot in common, they shared a love a jazz, and were both teachers. I can get that I guess.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Holland said:


> Are there other's out there that defy the norms when it comes to post divorce life and everyone just getting along and being happy?


I get along pretty well with my ex. I am not so good as you to go to dinner at her house or vice versa, but we do a good job together for our children. We meet from time to time to chat and have coffee. We will also coordinate birthday parties for the kids and we are very flexible with our schedules.

Although we get along, I could never see myself with her again. It took me a couple of months after she left, but I realized that I am much happier without her in my life.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I dont have that either...wish I did because I would ask her new husband, who was my friend for 20 years, who I have not seen since DD when she moved into his house. "Is the sex better with her when she is your wife or mine?"


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

That sucks Hoosier 




> Call me strange, but if you get a long that well, why divorce then??


 is a question I used to ponder myself WT. The thing is that we were not getting along well at the end of the marriage and I really disliked him for about 12 months post separation. But over the last couple of years I forgave him and myself. I want the best for our children. He is a good person, a great father but was not a great husband.
We are better as friends than partners and we co parent together as well if not better than many intact families. 
So yes we get along well but it is easier to do that now that the pressure of a failing marriage is behind us.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Holland said:


> That sucks Hoosier
> 
> 
> is a question I used to ponder myself WT. The thing is that we were not getting along well at the end of the marriage and I really disliked him for about 12 months post separation. But over the last couple of years I forgave him and myself. I want the best for our children. He is a good person, a great father but was not a great husband.
> ...


Yeah, that makes sense, also you have been apart for more than a year, a lot of people here are still a year or less I think.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

I could be ok with this sort of thing, but not how my X is now. 

She's mentioned wanting to stay at my place when she comes to my town to visit daughter for weekends. I'm ok being around her. We took D to the zoo together for her birthday, etc. 

But she's all over the place still. One week she's kicking me out of her apartment. The next she's smiling and laughing. The next she's in my driveway bawling. And refuses to sit the dog I got her for Xmas which she left behind. 

So, in the future... maybe. Depends on her.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Are there other's out there that defy the norms when it comes to post divorce life and everyone just getting along and being happy?


Of course, Holland, this begs the question what is exactly a norm in post divorce life? Everyone has their own set of circumstances. To me, my ex continues to put her own needs above our children. That, in itself, creates a situation where I cannot openly communicate with her. The drama that follows her around is high school epic.

I guess it depends on your ex in addition to what you want to accept in your life. For me, it is not healthy to communicate with her. It is better to be an example of a happy, healthy, giving father. The kids gravitate towards that.

It takes two happy people to have a happy relationship. 1/2 of that is out of your control. I most certainly have forgiven my ex, and my desire is for my kids to have two healthy examples of adult relationships in their lives. Maybe one day she can be that, maybe not.


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## ExisaWAW (Mar 5, 2013)

whitehawk said:


> No offense but the thought makes me sick. I'd rather not even see x again once all this has finally settled down let alone that.
> 
> Spose it might be different if the splits were mutual and no one did the dirty .


My thoughts exactly! It makes my want to vomit when my ex says things like, "it's been a year, you need to just get over it" or gets angry because I've finally eliminated her from my life completely yet she wants to stay friendly with me.

She should consider herself lucky that I stuck around/ stayed in close contact with her for a year & didn't immediately kick her to the curb after finding out about the affair.

I think the kind of closeness the original poster has with the ex is only possible/ healthy if it was a mutual BU with no hard feelings, etc.


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

Holland said:


> Sometimes I just laugh at myself and the life I live because it is a fair way outside the norm. I like it this way though and am very happy.
> 
> eg last week it just happened, dinner at my house with my partner, ex and kids. We all seem to handle it all so well, kids take it in their stride, ex and my partner get along well and are respectful and I just sit back and watch all the interaction with awe.
> 
> ...


An odd life...that's for sure. I find myself in a similar situation with exH. Our divorce was final January of this year but we seperated April 2012. At times I wonder how it can be so calm 90% of the time so soon. I know my family doesn't understand it and for that reason I don't tell them all the times that we actually hangout together as a family. As it stands we typically talk a couple times a week although more recently trying to plan kids' birthdays. He also comes over about once a week to hangout, have dinner and visit with the kids. This is something I wouldn't mind changing. I wouldn't mind him picking the kids up for a few hours then bringing them home vs having another mouth to feed. But overall it's ok. And I've asked myself the "wth did we get divorced if we can get along like this". But I have the same answer everytime. It's because once we took all the daily marital issues as well as the major issues out of our lives but getting divorced then we are left with just wanting our children to be happy and healthy and we're actually able to be friends. And I don't hate him. I hated him enough when we were married. The divorce set me free in that aspect. It's funny, after the initial shock and anger of asking for a seperation knowing it would lead to divorce, this is exactly what we said we wanted divorce to be for us. I told him if I couldn't have my perfect marriage than I wanted the perfect divorce. We do birthday parties and Christmas and our daughter's tball together. 

I feel like it's early in our divorce to be friends but I'm grateful. I know it's also possible that it could stop being this way too. I'm not looking forward to that.


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