# UPDATE after first counseling session...



## hope01 (Sep 8, 2008)

LAst night was the first night of counseling, and even though my H was dragging his feet all the way to the place, he went...sat down and participated in it. He is a huge skeptic as far as therapy goes, I have never been to one ever, but thought, what have I got to loose....so we went. Things were discussed, old rooted issues were opened up...and suggestions were made on how to better our relation between one another.

He was receptive, but still somewhat distant afterwards...I guess it can't happen overnight, but at least he is trying by being there with me.

We heard new things we never knew was part of our issues...I guess it was also opened to us that we go throough the circle of arguing due to the fact that we have lost sight of looking at each other's good points, and after so long have only focused on the bad. Therefore, that was all we really dealt with...and everything was negative,negative negative!

We now have"homework" , as the therapist told us to start noticing the good each of us do in the day...stopfocusing on all the bad... at this point I guess we looked at each other and realized... Yeah, we dont even stop to see that anymore....

End of it was we both agreed to at least plow forward and make efforts at both ends to make new memories together.... 
Go out once a month, re-connect...

It helped us get our first step out...and that's a major thing considering he was about to end the marriage last week.... even small steps can be good...


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

I wish all the best for you and your husband. 

I too, have gotten into that "mode" of not seeing the good parts of my husband. And when he had an EA with a married client, it changed my focus. Sometimes we have to get in the "muck and mire" in order for us to be truly happy together.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

hope01 said:


> We now have"homework" , as the therapist told us to start noticing the good each of us do in the day...stopfocusing on all the bad... at this point I guess we looked at each other and realized... Yeah, we dont even stop to see that anymore....
> 
> Go out once a month, re-connect...


Both excellent ... I like your counselor already 

It might seem awkward at first but the more you look at his positives the more natural it will become for you because it will tend to feed on itself, if it makes you in a better mood you will naturally want to keep doing it 

And then add in having fun together is the icing on the cake


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## hope01 (Sep 8, 2008)

I guess going to the counselor really pointed out things we normally would not even bother to try and see anymore.... Daily life, kids and work eventually takes so much from us that at the end, small issues became our punching bag, and the sad part was that we were hurting each other in the process...

It is still awkward at the moment, as we have not really become "normal" with each other...there is still tension, although we are talking to each other. 

Its just very hard to be in one room at night and not really talk.... he says goodnight, and that is about it... I'm not even talking about intmacy...just to see that he is coming around..but I am always the one more open to that than he is...I guess that is why we are in therapy.

I do believe that if we both pursue these small steps, it will eventually lead into better things in the relationship... it's not easy especially after a session that we said all we can say, good or bad and then drive back home together... it's a bit weird, to tell you the truth...

We aren't in the best position financially to keep this up forever, but we are going to try and manage at least twice a month and see what we can do....it is somewhat of an investment for our marriage to find the right "tools" to make it work....

I'm hopeful...


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