# im totally lost by the infidelity of the love of my life, i need help to survive



## silent srceamer (May 31, 2012)

where do i start !! we met in 2005, fell in love, he didnt have a family, proper education, but still i loved him, dreamt about a future together, we had 7 yrs long relationship with so many good and bad memories,i had to go through so many ups and downs in my family for him, still i loved him. we fought, love and passed a wonderful time, i thought!! 

in october 2011,we got married, we started staying together and its been 7 months, we had a perfect little life, though he wasnt doing any fixed job, but we were passing the most beautiful time, 

but all my life's truth just crashed in a flash before my eyes when i found out the truths about him,one day i found out he sent a mail to one of his x from really long back saying he misses her, wished things were different.also he was cheating with online girls in fb from past 4 years, saying really nasty things, provoking them, taunting them,asking them to come over, meet outside or just plain n simple sexual talks, also he was saying them that we were only friends, he has to marry me, that he want actually happy in this marriage.i was stunned, how can it be? he loved me whole heartedly these whole time, at least that’s what i knew.

I went mad, broke his everything, confronted him, then he said sorry, said he got diverted and he loves me the most and cant live without me, he is feeling really guilty even tried to commit suicide. I also found out he was into drugs for 4 years, doing it even when we were married, in the house, I never realized.we had great sex life, before and after marriage, he always loved me, done sweet things for me, now he is frustrated about what he has done, trying to make it up everyday.he says he was never physically involved with anyone else, and says he has done it in influence, watching guys around him he felt it can be adventurous. 

The problem is should I trust him again? Should I start over it again? I love him so much, cant live without him, we both cant, but im facing huge trust issue, im doubting every thing he is doing now, he deletd all the ppl he used to talk at fb. I really want to start over things but I don’t know how,im going through colossal turmoil,please help me out.i don’t know what to blv anymore, I cnt eat, sleep or do office properly now, help me...


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

you are a sure thing to him. if you R, make him work for it. responsible men get jobs. you need him to grow up and be a man. I only say this because you say you can't live without him. which is a lie. normally I advise D, in fact I advise it here also. your going against family says he won to him, and he can do anything he want, bc you went against blood for him. Girl, he is too immature to appreciate the sacrifice you made for him. Yeah he is remorseful now, but I can guarantee if you stay, he will cheat. Go to your family, apologize, and let them help you heal. Do not let him get away with this, and do not let your pride get in the way of exposing him to friends and family. If you don't you will be isolated and cling to him since only he will know your shame, which you should NOT have. you have done nothing to be ashamed of.You have been abused, so don't isolate yourself with only your abuser knowing.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

expose him and put in some goals you want him working toward for you staying. That includes school or tech school. do not throw your life away if he can't or won't change. Also, if he say he didn't have sex, but was doing drugs with others guys, then yeah ifthey pulled girls to get high with, then they had sex. So get yourself tested for VD. Remember,,, you know a cheater is lying if their lips are moving.


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## silent srceamer (May 31, 2012)

i checked all through, he never slept with anyone, and he really loves me a lot, my family agreed that we get married, he is saying sorry and he has done everything in impulse, and that he is guilty enough, he is quiting drugs and feeling really ashamed about the online cheating, 

i do wana give him a 2nd chance, he is the love of my life, shouldn't i trust him once more? we went through a lot of ups n downs together, financially, emotionally, we are closely attached.

and is it obvious that he is lying about sleeping with someone? cause i already know other bad things about him, one more wont matter, and is it obvious he will cheat again? i so wanna make it work, he is trying to, but my conscious mind is saying to leave him, my heart is saying to stay with him.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

silent srceamer said:


> i checked all through, he never slept with anyone, and he really loves me a lot, my family agreed that we get married, he is saying sorry and he has done everything in impulse, and that he is guilty enough, he is quiting drugs and feeling really ashamed about the online cheating,
> 
> i do wana give him a 2nd chance, he is the love of my life, shouldn't i trust him once more? we went through a lot of ups n downs together, financially, emotionally, we are closely attached.
> 
> and is it obvious that he is lying about sleeping with someone? cause i already know other bad things about him, one more wont matter, and is it obvious he will cheat again? i so wanna make it work, he is trying to, but my conscious mind is saying to leave him, my heart is saying to stay with him.


The "love of your life" wouldn't be cheating on you and causing you not to trust him.

Think very long and hard about this.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

How old are you? How old is he? What type of drugs was he doing? How will you verify that he is clean from drugs? What was/is your family's main objections about him? Have you been tested for sexually transmitted disease?

In your summary you mention that in his exchanges with other women he mentioned that he was "not happy" in the marriage, that he "had to" marry you and did not really "want" to do it. When you confronted him, he claimed all of this was done impulsively, yet you say he was doing drugs, and presumably living that type of lifestyle for 4 years. That does not sound like impulsive behavior, simply sounds like disrespectful immature behavior to me.

If you are truly serious about "making it work" with this "man" I highly recommend you seek out an individual counselor, make sure he does the same, and once you both have done some work individually, you should attend couples counseling and discuss the issues that lead up to you posting here.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

You call him the love of your life--but do you even know this man? Sit down and add up how much time he must have spent messaging girls on facebook, contacting his ex, and doing drugs. All those things take quite a bit of time to do and he did them for YEARS if I understand you correctly.

Step back and take this full picture in. Who were you in love with? You were in love with someone else.

He is NOT the love of your life--you just thought that he was.

I know that is a tough thing to accept, but please face this simple truth.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I want you to notice - he hasn't taken responsibility for the choices he made.

Instead he blames this, that, the drugs, etc. He is sad that he got caught, but did he say he felt any quilt while he was doing these things and lying to you? 

Nope. He isn't owning it, and that a problem because without owning it he can't stop it in the future.

What I mean is this: If you (like he does) blame external things out of your control as the reasons why things happen - then you are essentially declaring that there was and is nothing you could do to stop those things happening. This is where he is. He is blame shifting to all the other things around him, and not accepting that it was him and him alone making those choices.

He made those choices based on his personal moral and value and his personal desires. Essentially based on who he really is as a person.

That is the man you are married to. A man who willingly chose drugs and the sex talk. I think you shouldn't give up too quickly on the possibility that hookups didn't happen. any man putting that much effort into chasing other women, is going to find a way to hook up and score. Otherwise what's the point?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

do not forget to make him go to NA or AA, and quit hanging out with those friends. since he has not had a stedy job, why is he not taking some classes to build a better future for you guys. basically I bet you have been taking care of everything, while he skates along. well now he can prove to you that he is serious about doing anything to keep you. that mean manning up.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He is the love of his own life.


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