# Going through the D



## dantheman (Sep 25, 2012)

Paper work will be finished tomorrow and the W will be served this week. I have been an emotional wreck lately.

I am so scared I will not make it through this. My wife has hurt me so badly and I feel she is not done yet. I know she will immediately find someone else and through it in my face, which will destroy me.

I feel so unloved right now, and have a huge void in my heart. I know finding someone too soon will be a huge mistake, but I just want to be loved so badly.


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## HockeyGuy28 (Oct 22, 2012)

Dan, 

There is someone out there for everyone. You sound a lot like myself...I hate being alone and always want someone there. 

Do yourself a favor and cut all ties, delete everything, especially anything like facebook where you can run into her again. Just block it all. Out of sight out of mind...

You will find someone, but do not make it a rebound. Want to go out and have fun a few nights thats fine but do not look for a serious relationship. Give yourself a time table....1 month, 3 months, 6 months. Whatever you feel is comfortable for you and stick to it. 

There is so much out there to enjoy in life, surround yourself with friends and just go with the flow. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes when we are not looking for something, its when we find it...

You will mend, you will grow from this and become a better person.

Chin up bud, just remember it could always be worse.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

dantheman said:


> I am so scared I will not make it through this. My wife has hurt me so badly and I feel she is not done yet. I know she will immediately find someone else and through it in my face, which will destroy me.


There is a reason that you wanted to divorce, just remember that. Best rule of thumb is no-contact with the stbx. No phone, no text, no email, no facebook, ect. The only exception would be if you have children.

If you do need to talk, keep it to text or email to avoid open discussion. At times you may need to talk, but if the conversation drifts away from the the original topic, kindly mention that is not the topic of discussion and if it continues, hang up.

Look at the bright side, if she finds someone else, they will have to deal with her $hit and you don't.




dantheman said:


> I feel so unloved right now, and have a huge void in my heart. I know finding someone too soon will be a huge mistake, but I just want to be loved so badly.


This is tough and the first couple of months are especially bad. I broke down and went out looking for something. Caused more problems than it was worth.

If you can, I would look into some counseling to help you get through this period. It helped me to have someone to talk with and bounce things off. 

You are still a good person even though you will be divorced. Learn from this relationship, work on you to make yourself a better person, and when the time is right, find that someone special to spend time with again. Lots of us have been there before you and survived, you can too.


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## dantheman (Sep 25, 2012)

I posted this in the infedility section. 

I wanted some opinions from those actually going through a D. How do you keep your sanity?

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As you all know, I have a bad case of the Mr. Nice guy, and usually don't get angry.

Well, last week I filed and "supposedly" she was served on Friday. The past couple of days have been hell. She has been coming home like nothing happened. She locks the master bedroom room most of the time, where I cannot enter. She plays her stupid asian music really loud at night where my Mom and my daughter cannot sleep well most nights.

Last night I blew a head gasket. She was going back and worth to the laundry room, slamming doors and playing her music really loud. I got up, got a hammer and proceeded to take her door off the hinges. And then layed into her. Told her if she wants a fight, bring it. I have a great attorney and she won't get ****. She acted like she didn't know what I was talking about and to leave her alone or she is calling the cops. I told her go ahead, they can't stop me from taking the door off the hinges. I told her if she got a visit from someone last Friday and she said no.

I feel like I blew it last night, broke my 180, and lost control. It's hard keeping so much hurt and anger inside.

Did I screw up?


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## Complexities (Oct 25, 2012)

I am not sure if you screwed up or not in the terms of the 180, but you are human and you are really stressed, so its normal to have these emotions and difficult to contain them especially when it is constantly in your face. It must be incredibly hard to be living in the same household. Dont blame yourself, be kind to yourself and re-set how you want to handle this and then try and have some times with friends or doing something you like inorder to try and take your mind off of it.
Good Luck


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

As someone who will be going through this in the same house too it really really sucks. If you can, get out as much as you can, especially if your work and your schedule can take it, go see a friend on the other side of town or further and stay with them. You just need a break. And yes, eliminate contact with the wife as much as possible. I made the mistake of trying to be a nice guy and while cooking myself dinner offering her some, and even that just made me mad and upset. I cut off email, phone, text, and just leave email to the financial and legal stuff, with no emotion in it. It's the only way I think I can get through this. 

We'll get through this


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