# Self Image



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Just curious how all of us who have made it over to the other side see themselves.

When I was married, I used to see myself as looking younger than I was, physically. I was in OK shape, kept my hair cut very short, and wore mostly blue jeans/shorts and t-shirts.

Post divorce I have lost 20 pounds (lost 40 to begin with but regained 20), work out regularly, I have let my hair grow longer and style it more, and wear more stylish clothes, but I still view myself as looking older. than I am.

The irony is that the girl I am seeing is very complimentary of my physique. She compliments me on my toned legs and chest, and gushes about how strong I feel when she touches my shoulders. She said she was initially attracted to me because of my "big" arms and the way I carried myself. I never got compliments like that before from my ex. Instead I was told I was eating the wrong food or not doing the right type of exercise.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I feel soooo much better about myself when I'm not with my ex. (I was divorced from him for a few years and didn't have problems with my self image/self esteem with men I dated.....we reconciled and it all started again). I'm looking forward to getting some self esteem back after getting away from him for good. I'm not nearly as hideous as he insists I am.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

For me, its more about feeling better since separating - mind and body. With my ex I was just in a sad, lonely, foul mood all the time so I lost interest in taking care of myself. Now I work out regularly and get outside as often as possible. I've gone from 130 to 115 and I'm seeing definition in my abs again! I have been calling it the separation diet - not highly recommended, but still very affective. 
Being with a guy 10 years my junior also keeps my incentive up. I think I'm in better shape than he is


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

before our problems started, I had actually never felt better about myself physically. I was very focused on mind, body and spirit. I felt GREAT. I loved my body and felt I had come into my own. Then our problems started... sex decreased... then disappeared. The contrast of the good self image with not being good enough for my husband in any way was stark, and soon I began to not care what I looked like. Even the shallow hurt of "well, whats the point in looking so good if no one is here to enjoy it... " was abound. And then once he used an insult against how I looked... and it was so unfounded that I knew in my heart it wasn't true... and yet it still made me feel ugly to him.

I feel sad I wasted so much of my 20s with him. I'm just now able to start remembering "hey, I AM pretty cute... I forgot " and of course so much more, but this thread asked about the physical  I don't look as good as I did a few years ago... I regret I let myself go a bit. But I'm trying to get back into caring about myself. I think it will be easier to accept having a good self image about myself physically than it will be to repair my self image about my inner self, honestly. One step at a time


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Within 4 months of my divorce, I was able to come off of my anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications and my high blood pressure medications (I was 37 at the time). I discovered that I'm apparently a stress eater, and dropped 20 pounds just because I no longer feel hungry all the time due to stress and anxiety. I also no longer suffer from near-crippling social anxiety, fainting spells, erratic heart rate, insomnia, memory and concentration problems, or migraines. My hair stopped falling out, my skin has improved and I have more energy. 

It's astonishing how much better I feel, physically, mentally and emotionally, now that I don't spend every day living with someone who has a vested interest in helping me to feel bad about myself. My ex-husband commented the other day that I look better than I have in years and asked me what I was doing differently. And I told him exactly that.....


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I felt heaps better about myself after my divorce. It's really astounding how a toxic atmosphere can have such an effect on one's wellbeing and self image. 

I am not being sappy here when I say I genuinely accept me for me, faults, scars, baggage and all. I truly don't care what others think of me or the ways by which they may judge or measure my accomplishments/failures. I am the person that lived my life, not them. They are free to believe what they wish and it will have zero impact on the decisions I make while living MY life. I will not fault them for being the way they choose to be..... Sometimes I think people are too preoccupied with how others live, they forget to sweep their own porch.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Before XWW's affair, I felt fine about myself. I always did exercise and keep in shape and at 47, I looked younger than my years. I was emotionally and physically strong...with a touch of grey. I was confident but by no means arrogant. I was happy and content with the direction my life was going.

After the D days started rolling in, I lost everything that made me who I was. My self esteem and confidence was history and to make matters worse, XWW was blaming me for her choices. I lost 15 lbs within a couple weeks. I was always on the athletic but slightly thinner side of normal. I couldn't afford to loose 15 lbs. My hair started to thin almost overnight. My heart rate became irregular. Emotionally I was a mess.

Now at almost 52, with the divorce 2 1/2 years behind me, I am slowly clawing my way back to normal. I have regained all my muscle mass, and then some as well as retained my 32'' waist. My hair stopped falling out but it is more grey. My heart rate is normal as long as I don't drink coffee. My confidence and self esteem is moving in the right direction but it is more like two steps forward, one step back. I feel that I do look older but, the reality is...I am. Almost 5 years has transpired since D day #1. I have since been told by several dates that I look young for my age. I can't say that I'm particularly happy, but I am content.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I'm not officially divorced but after 2+ years of divorce limbo I feel like I've aged 10 years. I've regained the 30 pounds I initially lost which is good because I didn't need to lose it to begin with. The stress has aged my face to me. I have more "character lines" now. I've always had a poor self image of myself and while married that demon was gone. It lingers around now but not nearly as bad as in the past. My blood pressure has always been skyhigh and I have had a stroke in the past. I find it ironic that now she is gone my BP is near perfect without meds. Was a doctor last month and the doc just shakes her head as I explain the freakshow and she keeps taking my BP and can't begin to figure why its normal now but then I've always been "odd" haha. 

My stbx has gained over 50 pounds and looks like a freight train has hit her. Her face as easily aged 10 years in the last two. Everyone agrees on that. She used to be very particular about her hair. Now it looks like she played with the light socket. She looks the part of a crazy woman. In her case its true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

When I left my ex, I was probably in the best shape I'd ever been in. But, I lacked confidence as my ex always cut me down, and never had positive things to say.

It only took a few dates with several very attractive women to improve my self-image and self-confidence. Over the years since, I've aged - but normally.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

I feel much better. I kept my head shaved for years, mostly because it was easy. After D I grew it out a bit (still maintain a short cut though) and got contacts. Paid more attention to my wardrobe. Get outside A LOT more. 

Now at 36 I get carded everywhere and people guess that I'm in my late 20s, even with the gray stubble.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have always been in good shape but my divorce caused me some stress related issues. I developed high blood pressure, a ulcer, and an eye condition stress related. The ulcer has not been a factor for while but the high blood pressure and eye condition remain....alittle parting gift from my marriage.

Wardrobe was a mess,had a mustache, and hair was cut short.

Grew hair out and styled, mustache went away, and was dragged clothes shopping by a few of my female friends so no long had "dad jeans".

I would say overall my self esteem improved due to the attention I have received from women. It was a process though.


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## BoyScout (Feb 6, 2015)

There are some encouraging stories out there. I hope to get some inspiration. 

My D is still very fresh. I have been successful in my life, but my self esteem has been been destroyed. I still feel as though I did something to deserve all the crap that has happened in the past year.

I've lost about 30 lbs, which was needed and I'm in much better shape now than I've been in a while. I am a very fit 50 yo man, but I do look older. I started going gray very young and am fully gray now. That hurts some. I still dress for comfort, fashionably but still for comfort. I need some help in that area for sure.

I've met someone who, today, sees more potential in my than I do. The X wife never complimented me on anything, ANYTHING. 

Yeah, I still have a ways to go in rebuilding my self esteem. I hate when people say it's just going to take time. I hate that. Very frustrated right now. I would be good to feel good about myself again.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I feel old.

Physically, my stress levels have gone down, which is good, but I developed other health issues unrelated to the stress of the D.
People used to say I looked younger than my age, but I haven't heard that in a while. Maybe its because I let the gray come out in my hair IDK
Mostly, I just feel old.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I started getting grey hairs in my mid 20s, but I also seemed to age in the face after my separation. I also lost weight, reaching my lowest of 118lbs at 5'7. I used to be a chubbier 146. Although I didn't realize the weight in lbs because I was living in England at the time, and was told I was under 8 and 1/2 stone, which just didn't register. Heck I was a walking zombie anyway so it's not like much actually registered in my noodle until I snapped out of the funk.


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