# Need to talk



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

So it seems that whenever we hang out with old friends we get into the talk of old things. Or the people that things went bad with. I dont know what to think and sometimes I look at my husband in disgust. Is that bad? When they talk it seems that she is saying its all my husband or sorry it was all my husband that initiated YES he did but she is trying to sound like she was just so inicent. I just dont know what to think anymore or if I should even stay?


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

i've come to believe that you dont want to put this in the past.
You've created an identity about it. 

You either need to really drop it or leave him.. I really think the former is in order, but you cant seem to get there.

Go kiss someone... even the score.. Maybe then you'll see its not the end of the world... obsessing about it will be


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Would you forgive over a kiss? You really think that I am over reacting??


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Find different friends to hang with and start fresh with your husband.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Sunflower - yes your overreacting after 2 YEARS. Forgive or move on. You are not an innocent in your marriage either - crossing lines with a co-worker (not physically but emotionally and with your talk) and the strip poker episode that your husband wasn't a part of. You are unwilling to see and own up to your own flaws but plenty ready to heap all kinds of shame and guilt on your husband. Neither of you is innocent in your marriage of crossing some lines with inappropriate behavior. 

I think that you have become a martyr and you no longer know how to function unless people are patting you on the head saying "poor sunflower". 

As michzz says - if the friends cause the problem DON'T hang out with them.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Sunflower~ 

You posted this more than a year ago: 


> Well I have decided to move on! I think that its stupid if I give up on him over a mistake that we are all HUMAN and could easily make ourselves. And he is truely remorsful for it. He is a new man its amazing and YES he didnt change until I found out but He changed because I changed also. before I want all about the family wanted to hang out all the time with friends the friends were priority. WRONG. but ya its been great! of course you still have your moments thats normal but for the most part I try to distract myself!


At this point you are most definitely over-reacting and my guess is that you like the idea of having power over him. You can make him do ANYTHING or win any disagreement simply by bring it up...again. 

Furthermore, I think you like the martyr attention that you get here when you post. It was a KISS and it was TWO YEARS AGO. I, for one, am done treating you as if it was a major deal. If you are still this hurt after two years, I would advise committing yourself immediately because you need major psychiatric assistance. 

It is time for you to make a decision: TODAY. Either let it go and never, ever bring it up again or leave him. Get on with your life--leave the past behind--and deal with the way you have been acting in the present!


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

sunflower said:


> Would you forgive over a kiss? You really think that I am over reacting??



I would forgive a WHOLE lot more than a kiss.


----------



## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

We've been round and round with this.

Round and round and round and round and round and round.....

It's done. It's over. Either get over it yourself, or leave. After all these years you have made no progress. I'm assuming he doesn't obsess over your indescretions, yet you are still obsessing over his. 

I've said it a dozen times. You are not an innocent.

Either choose your marriage or let the poor guy go to live in some peace. I'm surprised he is still sticking by you. I don't believe I would have the patience to stay if I were in his shoes.

At this point, in my opinion, you have two choices. STOP bringing up his mistake and choose your marriage, or leave him to find someone who will obsess over his good qualities.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I get what you are all saying and I KNOW ok the whole thing is that I think our friends all expect us all to be friends again and it wont happen. That bothers me that they dont get it. ALSO the fact that she is telling our friends it was all him. It makes me look stupid and him look like he was all wanting her its BS


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

sunflower said:


> I get what you are all saying and I KNOW ok the whole thing is that I think our friends all expect us all to be friends again and it wont happen. That bothers me that they dont get it. ALSO the fact that she is telling our friends it was all him. It makes me look stupid and him look like he was all wanting her its BS


awe SF.. the only thing that make you look stupid is not rejoining your family and forgetting what other people think.
What do you feel inside? YOU! not the neighbors and not the friends, what do you feel inside.

If you can't follow that,, you have a serious problem.
You're hopelessly stuck in your broken vision of what "should" have been your fairy tale life... and obsession over one minute is ruining the rest of your life... man thats bad.

Dont think I'll be reading or posting here again... I'm leaving it in the past... where it belongs!


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Its high school...no wait - JR HIGH DRAMA - grow up and get some grown up friends to go with it. If they are taking her side over yours - hello! NOT your friends. Just straight up tell them that you can't deal with the drama and finger pointing and they don't need to invite you to go anywhere with them anymore as you won't be attending. AND MEAN IT. Don't go crawling back because the "good old times" were so great. They really weren't. YOU are letting it effect YOU. Only YOU can decide that its not going to be a big deal in your life and YOU haven't decided that. YOU like the attention it brings.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

63Vino said:


> awe SF.. the only thing that make you look stupid is not rejoining your family and forgetting what other people think.
> What do you feel inside? YOU! not the neighbors and not the friends, what do you feel inside.
> 
> If you can't follow that,, you have a serious problem.
> ...





SO true I am hopeless and stuck in what should be the right thing and the right marriage. and I always vest in what others think and automatically assume that they are thinking the worst. It bothers me that women just assume men want them I hate people like that.. I will get over it well I am over what he did I just wish that she would shut the hell up about it!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

TNgirl232 said:


> Its high school...no wait - JR HIGH DRAMA - grow up and get some grown up friends to go with it. If they are taking her side over yours - hello! NOT your friends. Just straight up tell them that you can't deal with the drama and finger pointing and they don't need to invite you to go anywhere with them anymore as you won't be attending. AND MEAN IT. Don't go crawling back because the "good old times" were so great. They really weren't. YOU are letting it effect YOU. Only YOU can decide that its not going to be a big deal in your life and YOU haven't decided that. YOU like the attention it brings.





It really is!! I know that it is I think that I will go back on the details of the locked door and BS and I just need to say F%#!* it a kiss is a kiss. and she can kiss my ARSS! lmao


----------

