# Reconciliation progress



## justcallme.Vi (Jun 17, 2017)

It's been a really tough couple weeks for us from things we can't control... business deal fell through, car accident, no income until car is fixed (uber life), insurance being difficult, phone burnt up, samsung won't replace it, and our beloved cat and fur baby of 19 yrs had to be put down.

Hubby told me just one of those things might have sent him searching for a *fix* like before but he didn't consider it bc he knew it wouldn't be the same, and it wouldn't help. I'm finally starting to see him break through the denial and his idea of what he "needs"

Still waiting for him to stop calling sex w me or others as a "solution" and I know he still has text threads talking with others (that he's not met in person) about kinky sex. He calls it an "escape"

Meanwhile this self-imposed and unprecedented dry spell of 3 months has left my bottom half aching for more attention even though my head has not agreed to go back to that level of closeness yet.:bounce::bounce::scratchhead:


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## pbj2016 (May 7, 2017)

How can you be in R when he is still talking kink with other people? 

Both men and women use sex as a way to de-stress (escape) and it is healthy in a loving relationship. What isn't healthy as you have indicated is when one partner uses the other partner exclusively in a selfish manner. Right now you have an unbalanced dynamic where he continues to live selfishly and you rightly are not feeling the love. 

If it were me, I would examine the reconciliation and determine what has to change. If you decide to continue in the relationship then buy some new toys for yourself because it sounds like he isn't currently capable of any balance.


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## Hexagon (Jun 20, 2017)

He didn't give you "reasons". He gave you "excuses".
Good luck on your R because it sounds like he feels as if this is acceptable behavior.
It isn't.
Not under any circumstances.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It does not sound like you have much of a reconciliation going on if he is still interacting with other women.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Boy you have had a time of it the last couple weeks. Enough to put any married couple under a lot of stress. Add in the way your husband is behaving though and that is a **** storm right there! Why don't you value yourself in this marriage? Why does he "get" to continue to interact with other women? Most people would agree this is no reconciliation. You said you have denied yourself sex with him for the last 3 months. I understand why but if he keeps acting like he has been then does this mean you will accept and be in a sexless marriage?


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

justcallme.Vi said:


> and I know he still has text threads talking with others (that he's not met in person) about kinky sex. He calls it an "escape"


Say what?? Maybe you're stuck in a bubble where this is normal so you don't question it.

This is not normal. This is him telling you with his actions that you are in a very bad relationship. Why are you still there? Have you gotten help for your codependency? No one with healthy self-worth or good boundaries would stick around in a situation where a cheating husband was allowed to sex message other women even though it bothered her.

Your thoughts and feelings are not being taken into consideration.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Your thread title is all wrong. You have no reconciliation, and you have no progress. Staying married does not = R.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

justcallme.Vi said:


> It's been a really tough couple weeks for us from things we can't control... business deal fell through, car accident, no income until car is fixed (uber life), insurance being difficult, phone burnt up, samsung won't replace it, and our beloved cat and fur baby of 19 yrs had to be put down.
> 
> Hubby told me just one of those things might have sent him searching for a *fix* like before but he didn't consider it bc he knew it wouldn't be the same, and it wouldn't help. I'm finally starting to see him break through the denial and his idea of what he "needs"
> 
> ...


If he is not willing to go to intensive therapy to drop all these actvities, consider moving on, you will only have to grapple with this for years to come, is that what you want. You could be in a relationship with someone who is exclusive and loves you. He doesn't.


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