# How do you ask spouse to leave?



## aquajay (Feb 13, 2013)

I'm at the point in my marriage that I've realized I cannot remain married to my husband the ways things are. 

We have been dealing with a ton of issues; he's lied, cheated and stolen and I can't bear to go another day fighting. He's refusing to deal with our issues and work on things. We've been to counselling together, I've been on my own.... we've written letters to each other... and now we can't go a day without conflict. He's refusing to take responsibility/ownership of his part in all this and I am beyond frustrated. I am out of ideas.

How can I ask him to leave? Should it be until he decides to WANT our family and want to work on things? I don't want to divorce and break up our family (we have children), but don't know what to do...

I have started working on the 180...

Help?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

aquajay said:


> I'm at the point in my marriage that I've realized I cannot remain married to my husband the ways things are.
> 
> We have been dealing with a ton of issues; he's lied, cheated and stolen and I can't bear to go another day fighting. He's refusing to deal with our issues and work on things. We've been to counselling together, I've been on my own.... we've written letters to each other... and now we can't go a day without conflict. He's refusing to take responsibility/ownership of his part in all this and I am beyond frustrated. I am out of ideas.
> 
> ...


Make him an offer he can't refuse. 

Since there is so much conflict, ask him to leave. Tell him that both of you need to be apart for awhile until you both can sort out what to do. Tell him that this separation is for both of you to regain the love you once had. Tell him you'll "date" him, but you need alone time to think.

If he refuses to leave you in peace, then tell him that if YOU are forced to leave, the marriage is over and you will file for D.

Tell him that one way or the other, you need to be away from him. Which one does he want? Separation to sort things out - or a straight up Divorce. It all depends on who leaves the marital home.


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

survivorwife said:


> If he refuses to leave you in peace, then tell him that if YOU are forced to leave, the marriage is over and you will file for D.
> 
> Tell him that one way or the other, you need to be away from him. Which one does he want? Separation to sort things out - or a straight up Divorce. It all depends on who leaves the marital home.


You need to take legal advice before even considering leaving the marital home yourself - you could be giving up all of your rights.

Similarly, he could refuse to leave because he wants to maintain his rights, not because he doesn't want to do the right thing.

Personally I would initiate divorce proceedings right now - not because you necessarily want to get divorced, but because he needs a HUGE wake up call and that may be the only way to give it to him. you can take the first step and then put the process on hold. you shouldn't tell hm that that's what you're doing, obviously.


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## aquajay (Feb 13, 2013)

survivorwife said:


> Since there is so much conflict, ask him to leave. Tell him that both of you need to be apart for awhile until you both can sort out what to do.


How do I ask him to leave without it coming across like I am blaming him or sounding like an ultimatum?

Any suggestions?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

First, go to an attorney and find out your options-don't tell H.

Tell him the way the two of you have been living together is too painful, and that with some space, perhaps you can both see things more clearly. Emphasize that both of you need to work on issues and you obviously can't do it while so close. Help him find a place, and pack only some stuff. Remind him you want to work on the marriage but you can't work on anything as long as the conflict doesn't let up.


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