# Your Spouse and opposite sex contact on FB/Instagram



## kekkek (Apr 5, 2018)

For those of you who are married or in serious LTRs, *what do you think about your partner interacting on Instagram and/or Facebook with members of the opposite sex? Any ground rules? What crosses the line for you - compliments, likes, private messages? Or is everything ok if there are no secrets from the spouse? * Do you mind that Mark Zuckerberg knows who you like? :wink2:

I am not so much interested in other social media or private SMS messages, but rather the widely used friend networks that have some public and some private aspects. Twitter, for example, is almost all public. But on FB there is a gray area, or slippery slope, between the public and the personal.

I find that if a lot of your friends and family are scattered at long distances, it has become almost unavoidable to use these tools (I tried to avoid for a long time). But once you are using them, there are so many different styles of "use". Hence my questions.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Nope, don't use social media. Although I suppose LinkedIn is considered social media of a form now. Also why I very very rarely get on it.

The wife uses FB to promote her business and talk to family and friends. I don't check on her, I have no need to.

We have discussed infidelity before. We know where the other stands. Act accordingly.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Neither of us have any issues with the other interacting with members of the opposite sex. We both have Facebooks and I have an Instagram. We have each other's logins but have never had to check up on each other. Any time anyone has said anything remotely "off" to one of us we immediately share it with the other and either: 

A. laugh together over the ridiculousness of the comment (some get very colorful) 

and/or 

B. both respond to said comment or message redirecting the attention to something neutral or simply blocking the person if it's of an aggressive nature

It's all about trust, transparency, and a shared sense of humor.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

We both have FB and Instagram. We are each other's friends. We know each other's logins. There is no issue. If some male says congratulations because I commented that I got a good work review, it doesn't bother him. If a female says "nice haircut" to his new profile picture, I don't care.

Neither of us do PM'ing with opposite sex people unless it's because I told him to message so-and-so's wife to ask when we should be there for the BBQ or something.

These tools are what you make them. A like is just a like. I don't understand people going gaga jealous because "a woman liked my SO's picture!!!"


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

"Interacting" covers a lot of ground. 

My wife and I are fine with likes, friends, private messages etc, in general. I think neither of use would be happy if the conversations moved toward intimate topics.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

We are not on either. Because it can end up taking so much of your time. Then, i swear family and friends can stir up trouble.

I was up ine night late chatting with my aunt and so cousins, not realizing it was after 1 in the night. The next day, my H got a message frim one of his cousins informing him about how late i was online anf if he knew that? I felt like he was spying on me. So, i unfriended him and stop going on fb . My H did also, because he hates when people talks about me and try to get involved in our lives like that.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

No problems here with opposite sex friends in RL or Facebook. I do draw the line at x boyfriends and husband though. Neither are on her Facebook.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I don't do social media, my wife does. I know she talks to men on FB b/c sometimes she tells me what one of them said, but it is never anything that makes me suspicious. OS friendships don't bother me, we trust each other. We don't snoop on each other, AFAIK.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm not cool with contact unless with friends of the relationship.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Myself and H both have FB.. neither has Instagram ... We are like "open books" with each other , always have been since we've dated even... it has never bothered us if the other has a conversation / FB messaging with the opposite sex.. he has even told his male co-workers to message me about this or that at times... 

Likewise he would tell me if he ran into someone, or hey.. this person (female) sent me a message.... it's just our nature to be like that with each other.. I feel because of this...basically "radical honesty" way about ourselves... it's always allowed anything close to being JUICY to be shared.. and deterred really... 

It's like total freedom...yet the rules of respect to each other are written on our hearts.. if that makes any sense.


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## kekkek (Apr 5, 2018)

Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses. I read these posts where someone in the relationship agrees (or is told) to delete their FB account because of the suspicion of cheating, and it shocks me a little bit. I am not a FB fan. I was off it for a long while. But now there are certain communities that I got involved in that use it almost exclusively as their way to communicate. It now seems like a part of the fabric of life. So if someone told me, "hey you talked to your ex-gf on the phone - you need to get rid of your phone!" - that would be the same as dropping FB.

And I am involved in convos with the opposite sex, that my wife is fully aware of. I don't think I am crossing any lines. But there is a kind of immediacy there that makes me watchful. Plus the fishbowl effect of everyone I know, and Mr. Zuckerberg, seeing my comments and likes. So far Zuck hasn't objected to anything, though.


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