# Ladies, when your Husband hugs you.....



## southern wife

Does he also cop a feel of your [email protected]@b(s)? My H does this, and it makes me angry! 

Why can't a hug, be a hug? And not copping a feel.... 

If your H does this to you, how does it make you feel?


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## Hope1964

Sometimes, although rarely. I kinda like it when he does  He's pretty 'hands off' for the most part though.


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## CandieGirl

No he doesn't but I wish he would (sometimes)! His hugs are nice, though. He hugs me and goes "Ohhhhhh!!!". Nice to have someone like him in my world, despite our issues.


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## southern wife

It just makes me feel like I'm being "groped"! And he does it *every single time!* It just gets under my skin! I've said something to him time and time again, but he keeps doing it.


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## daisygirl 41

My H used to do thus ALL the time. Used to drive me nuts at times.
We are seperated now
And guess what?
I'd give anything for a hug and a grope!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife

daisygirl 41 said:


> My H used to do thus ALL the time. Used to drive me nuts at times.
> We are seperated now
> And guess what?
> I'd give anything for a hug and a grope!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uggghhhhh not to hijack my own thread, by why are you separated? How long were you married? Any childern?


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## Hope1964

Start groping him back. Do you guys have lots of sex?


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## southern wife

Hope1964 said:


> Start groping him back. Do you guys have lots of sex?


:lol: We have sex maybe once a week or every few weeks. I turn him down alot, therefore do not want to grope him back.


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## Mavash.

I don't like to be groped so no my husband does not do this.


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## LovesHerMan

My husband did this too when we were first married. My nipples are very sensitive, and I did not like the feeling of being groped.

I solved the problem by asking him how he would feel if I grabbed his package when we hugged. He said he would love that, but when I actually did it, he finally got the message that casual groping is not funny. It doesn't promote feelings of closeness and safety with your partner.


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## daisygirl 41

southern wife said:


> Uggghhhhh not to hijack my own thread, by why are you separated? How long were you married? Any childern?


Been seperated since Xmas
18 years married
3 children
He's in love with someone else
Devastation!
I've got a few threads on here.
My most recent is 'Please don't say you told me so' in the seperation forum
Xxx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kurosity

Once in a while my hubby will cop a feel going in for a hug and I am a fan but I do so love the hugs that are just hug too. I think I would feel as you do Southern if it was every time we hugged. I think I would be bothered by it.

Does he hug you this way in public??? Just thinking if he does not then get all the PA hugs you can grop free


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## In_The_Wind

southern wife said:


> Does he also cop a feel of your [email protected]@b(s)? My H does this, and it makes me angry!
> 
> Why can't a hug, be a hug? And not copping a feel....
> 
> If your H does this to you, how does it make you feel?


It could be his way of foreplay jk I cup my spouse's rear end and hug tightly she likes that or so she says


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## LovesHerMan

southern wife said:


> :lol: We have sex maybe once a week or every few weeks. I turn him down alot, therefore do not want to grope him back.


This is a problem. Most men connect emotionally to their wives through sex. Have you two had a heart-to-heart discussion about resentments and walls in your marriage?


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## southern wife

lovesherman said:


> This is a problem. Most men connect emotionally to their wives through sex. Have you two had a heart-to-heart discussion about resentments and walls in your marriage?


Yes, we sure have! And yes, it is a problem! I feel that he is not showing me respect when he gropes me like that. It's a turn off for me, instead of a turn on.


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## southern wife

Kathrn89 said:


> My husband does it frequently. He almost always gives me a hug when he gets home from work, and he will grab my butt. However if I just want a hug or am upset about something he won't try that.
> It makes me smile since I know he does it because he loves my butt. And it's one way that he still flirts with me.


I'd rather him grab my butt than my [email protected]@bs!


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## LovesHerMan

southern wife said:


> Yes, we sure have! And yes, it is a problem! I feel that he is not showing me respect when he gropes me like that. It's a turn off for me, instead of a turn on.


Why do you think that he keeps doing this when you have told him that you do not like it? I would tell him in no uncertain terms that this is a love buster for you.


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## deejov

Stand slightly off to one side when he wants to hug you. Lean forward to avoid your boobs touching him. When done hugging, pull your arms towards you to block his arms from going where you don't them too. Alternatley, hug him with your arms "under" his, making him put his arms over your shoulders. You can easily lift your arms up in a confusion to end the hug and that stops his arms from going anywhere.

Might take some practice.


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## southern wife

deejov said:


> Stand slightly off to one side when he wants to hug you. Lean forward to avoid your boobs touching him. When done hugging, pull your arms towards you to block his arms from going where you don't them too. Alternatley, hug him with your arms "under" his, making him put his arms over your shoulders. You can easily lift your arms up in a confusion to end the hug and that stops his arms from going anywhere.
> 
> Might take some practice.


Uuuugggghhhhh then I feel like I'd be making a simple hug into something calculated and too much thought into it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hugs..............just not the gropes.  I feel at a loss in the "hug department". 

I sure could use a good hug right now.  This is making me depressed!


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## SimplyAmorous

southern wife said:


> Does he also cop a feel of your [email protected]@b(s)? My H does this, and it makes me angry!
> 
> Why can't a hug, be a hug? And not copping a feel....
> 
> If your H does this to you, how does it make you feel?


Sorry to be such a freak on this forum, but I wish my husband did this more often, I am more groping than he is ....not that he is complaining , I also spank harder, flirt dirtier and have more fantasies. I'd likely be a curse if I was a man. 

My husband often grabs my butt....I do love that. 

When I was younger though, I recall not being interested in his coming to touch me playfully if I was at the sink or something, maybe this is why he was never much of a groper... it kinda stopped him in his tracks early on. My husband would never never never do something again - if he knew I didn't like it, even if words were not expressed, just his feeling it -would be enough. 

Your husband has a *high sex drive *...no doubt about it (lucky you!)... this is his way of expressing it...you are normal ...most women DON'T like it at all...this is his desired excitement to reach for you like that.... that animal instinct, women usually won't understand it. He may even struggle stopping it cold turkey, he might slip now & then. But if you are angry and hate it as you do......you need to let him know, sit him down & talk to him, cause resentment building over it would not be good -for you ...or him. 

If my husband wanted me to stop my sexually charged flirtatious touching him in his hot spots, I would likely get very bent out of shape over it, but hey, I am a senstive woman after all.


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## southern wife

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sorry to be such a freak on this forum, but I wish my husband did this more often, I am more groping than he is ....not that he is complaining , I also spank harder, flirt dirtier and have more fantasies. I'd likely be a curse if I was a man.
> 
> My husband often grabs my butt....I do love that.
> 
> When I was younger though, I recall not being interested in his coming to touch me playfully if I was at the sink or something, maybe this is why he was never much of a groper... it kinda stopped him in his tracks early on. My husband would never never never do something again - if he knew I didn't like it, even if words were not expressed, just his feeling it -would be enough.
> 
> Your husband has a *high sex drive *...no doubt about it (lucky you!)... this is his way of expressing it...you are normal ...most women DON'T like it at all...this is his desired excitement to reach for you like that.... that animal instinct, women usually won't understand it. He may even struggle stopping it cold turkey, he might slip now & then. But if you are angry and hate it as you do......you need to let him know, sit him down & talk to him, cause resentment building over it would not be good -for you ...or him.
> 
> If my husband wanted me to stop my sexually charged flirtatious touching him in his hot spots, I would likely get very bent out of shape over it, but hey, I am a senstive woman after all.


Yes, SA, my hubs does have a high sex drive. And mine might be higher, too, if I felt more respect from him. I'm not saying he does NOT respect me, he just shows it in different ways I guess. 

As I mentioned earlier, I'd prefer him to grab my butt once in a while.


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## SimplyAmorous

Tell him what you want and the respect you feel you are missing, what else can you do, I don't think we should hold back how we feel in these things, I am sure he will be happy for the invitation to grab down below more often , what man wouldn't !


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## isla~mama

My husband doesn't even hug me... it wouldn't bother me if he copped a feel... at least if it were done in private. But it's a non-issue for us.


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## Enchantment

southern wife said:


> Does he also cop a feel of your [email protected]@b(s)? My H does this, and it makes me angry!
> 
> Why can't a hug, be a hug? And not copping a feel....
> 
> If your H does this to you, how does it make you feel?


My H doesn't cop feels like this anymore - nope, he doesn't! 

The groping was a big problem early on in our marriage, and we had to set some ground rules about it. It made me feel like he just didn't care about what was important to me - like he didn't respect my feelings or my body enough. Made me feel alternately sad and mad. It would actually physically hurt at times to have him come up and tweak my breasts like that.

We had quite a few rounds of heated discussions on this - came to a compromise. He is actually very good about abiding by them, and he still cops a lot of feels - it's just that that they are in specific designated zones until we can both get warmed up. And, he's been good about learning how to just hold me too.

Been having a hard time at work this week - stressed out and kind of zoned out. He's been reading the moods accurately and instead of copping any feels, he's just wrapped me up in his arms and held me. The genuine affection just melts you in to a puddle.

I hope you can discuss this with your husband and let him know how it makes you feel and that he'll be willing to meet the genuine need you have for non-sexual affection. Let him know that him genuinely meeting that need for you puts you in a better frame of mind for meeting his needs for sexual affection later...


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## SadSamIAm

I used to hug my wife pretty much every time I got home. I knew that I was taking my chances. Often she would reject my hug. Sometimes she would accept it. I am a touchy-feely type, she isn't.

If I was really in a good mood, I might grope her slightly. Touching her butt. Maybe grope her boobs at times. To me, this was being fun and flirty. I wasn't being disrespectful, I would have loved for her to sometimes do the same to me.

The times I got pushed away vs accepting were worth the risk of rejection. My wife doesn't show affection really at all except when we have sex.

The amount of rejection vs accepting has changed. I haven't hugged her in a long time. We no longer have any fun together. I was the one to initiate any affection / playful flirting, etc. Now that I quit, there is no affection and no fun.


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## Enchantment

southern wife said:


> Yes, SA, my hubs does have a high sex drive. And mine might be higher, too, if I felt more respect from him. I'm not saying he does NOT respect me, he just shows it in different ways I guess.
> 
> As I mentioned earlier, I'd prefer him to grab my butt once in a while.


What are the ways that he does show respect to you?

I normally think that someone always doing something to you that you have told them over and over and over not to do is the height of disrespect (disrespect is essentially a lack of courtesy).

Does he disrespect you in other ways as well?

Have you sat down and told him how serious it is - if it makes you feel disrespected and unaffectionate and non-sexual toward him - he should take that as a big wake-up call.

I don't know how the other areas of your relationship are. If they are essentially good, and it's just this one area where you have issues, then you may need to look and see whether being more open about meeting his need for sexual affection is an area for you to work on.

When my H and I were at this point, I remember doing a couple of things. I had "the talk" with him, and everytime he would come up to me to get me a hug I would step back and look at him - reminding him of our 'deal' - and then step in to his hug. I would quickly step out of a hug if it started to devolve in to a grope to my breasts. It took effort on both our parts to make it work out. It was worth it, though. He can grope my b00bs all he wants during sex and I can have my hugs other times. 

Best wishes.


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## that_girl

HAHA He learned a long time ago not to honk the boobs in an embrace unless he wants me to stomp the balls during a kiss. 

He still grabs my ass though...I don't mind that.


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## Mavash.

SadSamIAm said:


> If I was really in a good mood, I might grope her slightly. Touching her butt. Maybe grope her boobs at times. To me, this was being fun and flirty.


The key word in your post was "sometimes". Many women don't want to be groped ALL THE TIME when being hugged. If my husband groped me "sometimes" I'd be okay with that it's the frequency that would annoy me. Balance it out.


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## SadSamIAm

When it is sometimes, it is very difficult. Sometimes I would get a smile and happiness. Sometimes I would get evil.

I know that sometimes she liked the playfulness and we needed that. But the evil came more and more often. 

Now there is nothing.


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## abandonedcompletely

After dating, the wedding and the honeymoon, him hugging me stopped.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

It feels so good to be in his arms. He doesn't grope me often.:/. He's not that way, he doesn't like to be groped either.:/

Oh well. At least we have a healthy intimate life! I wish it were more, but I can't be pushy. 

My husband hugs me everyday. We cuddle up and hold hands every night while winding down before bed. We both love affection.


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## Coffee Amore

He hugs me daily and sometimes when he hugs me he grabs my ass. I don't mind though. I know he means well and I'm flattered he's that into me.


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## frankd

Wow, I never thought to ask my wife is she minded that I was so touchy-feely whenever I got close her. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm being playful and loving.
I don't see it as a form of disrespect. I respect her more than anyone on the planet and copping a feel is my way showing her that she is still the most important person in my life, physically as well as emotionally. I would never do it in a way that would cause discomfort (tender nipples, oh boy, I know all about that!).


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## that_girl

My fave time of the day is when he gets home and we hug and kiss for a bit and then snuggle on the couch after dinner.  I love it.


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## greenpearl

I guess I am one sick woman. 

I think it's a lot of fun when my husband does it. 

When we pass each other doing something, the first thing we do is to fondle each other. He reaches for my boobs or my pu$$y, I reach for his cok and balls. We do this many times a day. LOVE IT. 

I am glad that my husband is a sexual man, and I like the fact that he likes to grope and fondle me. He says that I have a great body, it gives him a lot of joy.


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## shy_guy

Hmm ... I think I've asked my wife about what I do pretty frequently, but maybe I need to ask again.

I often hug her from behind when she's working, but normally, it's just a hug. Sometimes, I may caress her breasts, but if I do, it's always after she's paused her work, turned her head to acknowledge, and begun to kiss me. And then, I think there's another signal in the way she kisses me.

Hugging from the front, I'm not sure how I would grab her breasts even. I do know that sometimes I hug her, then reach down and squeeze her butt. This is what I'm pretty sure I've asked her about, but after reading this again, I think I should ask her again.

Sitting together, I often put my arm around her, but sometimes the touching is more intimate, and that really goes both ways. So sometimes we're like GreenPearl, but not always. There are times I know she's not receptive ... trying to be sure, so it's time to ask her again how I'm doing ...

She is playful, and some of the things she does used to bother me a bit, but now, I just join into the game. One of these is when she is behind me going up the stairs in our house, she almost always pokes me in the butt, and she always hit the bullseye when she does. Now, I've warmed up to that, though. Now, when she does that, I usually stop and wiggle my butt at her and make noises like I'm egging her on. She usually laughs and does it again another time or two until I tell her, "You're going to start a fire. Don't do that unless you're ready to help it burn." That always turns into some flirty play, but it doesn't always mean she's inviting me to sex. I guess I know the difference here.

I guess I'm saying that I like hugging her and being close to her, so it's not always. But I've also taken times to grab her butt, or caress her breasts if the hug is from behind, and sometimes touch her crotch. It's not all the time, though. She's playful with me, too. So I guess I just need to ask her again and make sure I have the balance right with her.

Reading posts and opinions like this, and realizing I need to be sure about what I'm doing is a big part of the value of this forum ...


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## Pandakiss

when we first lived together, in husband would do that all the time, i would get so annoyed...

so he stopped. several years later, i had asked why he stopped hugging. he didnt remember, but said he would make that a reminder everyday.

a few years later, its like how it was in the begining. now i dont mind the boob squeeze, or the ass grab. to me there is a difference in i love your body, and you..than i have control over you and disrespect.

for me, its a part of non sexual touching. i now see that he loves me, and he is very sexual, and just wants me, and likes to be near me.

yes sometimes he will do it public, but its not a quick "high school" grab, its like a "we are married, have kids, and be fvckin..what yall lookin at".


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## shy_guy

shy_guy said:


> Hmm ... I think I've asked my wife about what I do pretty frequently, but maybe I need to ask again.
> 
> I often hug her from behind when she's working, but normally, it's just a hug. Sometimes, I may caress her breasts, but if I do, it's always after she's paused her work, turned her head to acknowledge, and begun to kiss me. And then, I think there's another signal in the way she kisses me.
> 
> Hugging from the front, I'm not sure how I would grab her breasts even. I do know that sometimes I hug her, then reach down and squeeze her butt. This is what I'm pretty sure I've asked her about, but after reading this again, I think I should ask her again.
> 
> Sitting together, I often put my arm around her, but sometimes the touching is more intimate, and that really goes both ways. So sometimes we're like GreenPearl, but not always. There are times I know she's not receptive ... trying to be sure, so it's time to ask her again how I'm doing ...
> 
> She is playful, and some of the things she does used to bother me a bit, but now, I just join into the game. One of these is when she is behind me going up the stairs in our house, she almost always pokes me in the butt, and she always hit the bullseye when she does. Now, I've warmed up to that, though. Now, when she does that, I usually stop and wiggle my butt at her and make noises like I'm egging her on. She usually laughs and does it again another time or two until I tell her, "You're going to start a fire. Don't do that unless you're ready to help it burn." That always turns into some flirty play, but it doesn't always mean she's inviting me to sex. I guess I know the difference here.
> 
> I guess I'm saying that I like hugging her and being close to her, so it's not always. But I've also taken times to grab her butt, or caress her breasts if the hug is from behind, and sometimes touch her crotch. It's not all the time, though. She's playful with me, too. So I guess I just need to ask her again and make sure I have the balance right with her.
> 
> Reading posts and opinions like this, and realizing I need to be sure about what I'm doing is a big part of the value of this forum ...


Sooo ... update on this. When we got home, and took a quick trip with my son, then arrived back home, my son ran on upstairs quickly. I caught her and hugged her in the garage and started asking her about each of the things I do when hugging her, starting with how I squeeze her butt sometimes. With each of them, she assured me she liked that. After about the 4th or 5th item, she got a little bit impatient and asked me why I was asking her this. I told her what I read here. She insisted she liked everything I do when we hug, and I wasn't going overboard on any of that, but she suggested maybe I was spending too much time on here, or at least just worrying too much about what I read here. I didn't argue.

We turned and went into the house and started up the stairs, and ... she poked me in my butt (bullseye again) and giggled with her onery giggle ... I guess it's good to know where we stand ... and that nothing is going to change  ... 

(Man I love that giggle ... )


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## greenpearl

shy_guy said:


> Sooo ... update on this. When we got home, and took a quick trip with my son, then arrived back home, my son ran on upstairs quickly. I caught her and hugged her in the garage and started asking her about each of the things I do when hugging her, starting with how I squeeze her butt sometimes. With each of them, she assured me she liked that. After about the 4th or 5th item, she got a little bit impatient and asked me why I was asking her this. I told her what I read here. She insisted she liked everything I do when we hug, and I wasn't going overboard on any of that, but she suggested maybe I was spending too much time on here, or at least just worrying too much about what I read here. I didn't argue.
> 
> We turned and went into the house and started up the stairs, and ... she poked me in my butt (bullseye again) and giggled with her onery giggle ... I guess it's good to know where we stand ... and that nothing is going to change  ...
> 
> (Man I love that giggle ... )


I think couples should play with each other more. This thread reminds me of the animal shows I like to watch, especially about baby animals. Baby animals like to play with each other, they poke, they chase, and they have fun. Ok, we are adults now, but if we keep that young heart going by playing with each other, it adds a lot of fun and joy in life. 

When we go up stairs, depends on who walks ahead. Now we know each other's mind, we fight to stay behind. If I am behind him, I chase him upstairs by going for his balls; if he is behind me, he chases me upstairs by going for my pu$$y, sometimes I giggle so much that I have to stop, then quickly run upstairs.


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## Numb in Ohio

My husband would do this too... would make me feel cheap and not respected. Even telling him I didn't like it would not deter him. So I pretty much would avoid hugs for the most part.

Also , would get if we were in car... thought he could grab boobs or pu**y all the time.... he thinks it's funny,,, then would pout if I get upset.

Don't have to worry about it right now as much as close to separation....... I sleep on couch and we pretty much have no intimate contact....


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## Lionelhutz

My wife is the exact opposite. Even when we stated having problems she did seem the think a proper hug between a husband and wife would involve at least some groping. She said her biggest turn on was when I came up behind her and groped her while kissing her neck.


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## SimplyAmorous

I told my husband last night I want him to grope me MORE, be irritating ! In a few years, I likely won't give a darn, so now is the time to do it, make me happy !


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## Enchantment

I think the important point is to find out what your spouse likes and responds positively to and do that - happily, without being sulky or pouty about it.

My husband actually likes to be groped - in the crotch, on the butt - so I do it and I like to do it. He doesn't particularly like being teased - in words or having his hair or ears tweaked or ruffled - and even though I am consummate at those things, I don't do them 'cuz he hates them.

I happen to not like being groped - in the crotch, on the b00bs - so he doesn't do that, but he grabs my butt and my hips and other places, and slides his hands around and around, and that's just fine. 

The thing is many people have a very real need for non-sexual affection and touching and tenderness that doesn't get met by gropes and tweaks and playfulness. There's a time for everything, you know? We all need to learn to discern what those times are and what our spouse needs.


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## Mrs. T

Mine will go for a grap or slap of the butt but I like it so no complaints. I'm 50 so I'm kinda glad he has those impulses. He always does it in a teasing fun way and usually I reciprocate by grabbing his too.


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## Lionelhutz

Not to hijack the thread, but for those habitual gropers out there here is a funny but true story,

Many years ago we were travelling as part of a guided package with five other couples. A one point we were being guided through a historical site and we were all standing around a table listening to a talk. One woman from our group is standing in front of one of the other men. Not her husband but looking similar just about 20 years older.

So I noticed her back up towards him. It seemed odd since his wife was right next to him. He didn't react at first but then she put her arm behind her back and I assume fondle him. By this time everyone in the room was looking at them. He immediately jumped back and looked completely horrified. This was a very distinguished looking and probably very conservative guy.

She looked back at him then at his wife and almost cried with embarrassment. Then his wife said almost without thinking, "Don't worry about it, and thank you for warming him up."


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## Gratitude

southern wife said:


> Does he also cop a feel of your [email protected]@b(s)? My H does this, and it makes me angry!
> 
> Why can't a hug, be a hug? And not copping a feel....
> 
> If your H does this to you, how does it make you feel?


:rofl: I thought all men do this?! When opportunity strikes ...

Seriously though, yes my H does this too on occasions, and yes it bothers me! Sometimes I just want a HUG! It doesn't matter if we've had sex everyday or gone without for days. Makes no difference. It doesn't make you feel attractive, it makes you feel like a piece of meat! 

He feels bad if I tell him that though and gets all quiet and upset *sigh* I think sometimes they just don't think how it feels. I'm going to try the suggestion someone posted before about doing the reverse grope, see how that works next time!


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## Mrs. T

Lionelhutz, Great story, thanks for sharing and for the laugh!


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## Mrs. T

Gratitude said:


> :rofl: I thought all men do this?! When opportunity strikes ...
> 
> Seriously though, yes my H does this too on occasions, and yes it bothers me! Sometimes I just want a HUG! It doesn't matter if we've had sex everyday or gone without for days. Makes no difference. It doesn't make you feel attractive, it makes you feel like a piece of meat!
> 
> He feels bad if I tell him that though and gets all quiet and upset *sigh* I think sometimes they just don't think how it feels. I'm going to try the suggestion someone posted before about doing the reverse grope, see how that works next time!


He's probably going to like it...just saying.


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## Gratitude

Mrs. T said:


> He's probably going to like it...just saying.


:rofl: 

Yes no doubt, then he'll think it's a fun game we play everytime we hug! I just can't win! Unless I replace the grope with my foot :smthumbup: That'll soon work .. then I'll probably never get a hug again


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## Stryker

It depends on the HUG ...its context...and the chemistry of further intimacy there of ..it actually depends on the thoughts n feelings and a bit of understanding


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## chillymorn

southern wife said:


> :lol: We have sex maybe once a week or every few weeks. I turn him down alot, therefore do not want to grope him back.


:scratchhead:theres the problem. maybe you should take an attitude of cool my husband still fine me so sexy he can't help himself. Do you not have any lust for him? use thoes times to think about when you can make love later flirt back be playfull then after awhile of trying tell him you like when hes more romantic and just hugs you once in awhile that make you fell warm and fuzzy. Say I like how you find me sexy and like to cop a feel but I like a little less of that then grab his crotch and say can't wait until tonight.

If my wife did that I would be :smthumbup:


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## Mrs. T

Gratitude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Yes no doubt, then he'll think it's a fun game we play everytime we hug! I just can't win! Unless I replace the grope with my foot :smthumbup: That'll soon work .. then I'll probably never get a hug again


Well you don't want to damage the goods...


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## Confused_and_bitter

My H does like to grope and hug, I don't mind at all.

I get the boob squeeze, butt slap, and the "oops my hand is on your pu**y" lol.

He also likes to grope in public but in a quick playful way at first it bothered me but then I started to do it back to him, turns out he found it a huge turn on and well then we couldn't be home quick enough.

I have only one rule with the groping, don't make it painful and I'm on board. When we were dating I would have to stop him from playing with my boobs because it felt like he was trying to unscrew them!


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## Pandakiss

i do understand the annoyance with unwanted touching, and usually i dont mind...but just using different "words" and different body language will change which hug is goin down...

if i walk up to him and keep my arms down, and just lay my cheek on his chest, and say the word "hugs..." then 9 outta 10 i get a nice squeezing hug.

if i up my arms up on his shoulders, then he has the green light to roam all over.

i dont think i would want to just be felt up all the time either, but at least if i get a "intimate" hug, i know he loves me and he understands my number one love language is touch, so its a nice close hug, maybe a kiss on top of my head, maybe a arm squeeze, or a upper arm rub.


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## LovesHerMan

I love hugs that are non-sexual. It makes me feel cherished and close to my husband. To me, the girls being touched is a sexual act, and I don't like casual gropes. Now gentle butt slapping is a different thing for me. That's OK in jest.

Everyone has their own boundaries, and it is crucial that you communicate what you don't like before resentments get out of control.


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## shy_guy

A few of the messages after my last one make me think maybe I should clarify.

I REALLY appreciate the opinions expressed, and don't want to discourage that. This thread made me think, and reflect on what I do. 

I recognize that my wife is an individual with her own personality. Her individual levels of need for closeness, sex, and her playfulness are all part of her personality. The fact that so many ladies seemed irritated at the way their husbands touched them when hugging just made me think. I thought I had discussed this with my wife and I was pretty sure she would let me know if she didn't like what I was doing, but since so many were expressing negative feelings, I thought I should take the initiative with my wife, give her a chance to express her feelings directly on the matter, and see if I was really doing as well at keeping the balance as I thought I was doing. 

In my expression of her answer, neither she nor I were attempting to put anyone down on here, nor minimize your feelings. For me, it was just finding that I had maintained the balance that fit her personality and comfort. Her expression to me was really, as I understand it, telling me that I was within her bands of comfort with it, and her expressing that she wanted me to express my personality and not allow myself to be blown in the wind. It was just her saying that she likes my personality and wants me to express it ... she wasn't saying that anyone on here was wrong.

Then, after we discussed it, she was her playful self again ... 

That's all either of us were saying. We certainly weren't putting anyone else down.


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## Chelle D

It really depends on my feelings at the time. Sometimes I want an emotional hug, it bothers me.
j


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## shy_guy

Chelle D said:


> ** skipping replies ** !!
> 
> It really depends on my feelings at the time. Sometimes I want an emotional hug, it bothers me.
> 
> But if I'm in a sexy mood hug... then I don't mind. (even though my boobs are not an erroneous zone for me anymore)
> 
> 
> It bothers me that even 10 years after breast reduction surgery, he thinks that grabbing my boobs is a turn on for me. Its not, it feels about the same as him grabbing one of my stomach fat rolls. *He thinks he can get my nipples to "respond" even though they were completely surgically removed & re-sown to the skin at a different breast point. All nerves severed. But he still thinks he can turn me on by playing with my nipples.* I don't get it.


I think that would be very hard to understand or accept from the outside - especially if they were errogenous zones for you before. Although I recognize it as a loss for you, I can see how it would be a loss for him as well. I think if I was in his position, I would always be hoping that there was some mistake, or else maybe sometime it would wake up again ... it'd be difficult to come to grips with, especially if it had given her pleasure before, or if stimulating her nipples had given me pleasure (hard to separate which causes which sometimes). 

That sounds like a big loss for you, though. I'm not trying to minimize that at all in my answer.


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## chaos

If my woman was responding to this question, she would say no that I don't grope her breasts when I hug her but that she definitely notices that my little friend was very happy to see her.


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## Mrs. T

chaos said:


> If my woman was responding to this question, she would say no that I don't grope her breasts when I hug her but that she definitely notices that my little friend was very happy to see her.


LOL...awesome! :smthumbup:


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## chillymorn

was he like this before marriage? and if so if it bothered you why did you marry a pig.

it amazes me how many people marry someone who think marriage will change them into what they want instead of the other way around.


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## sisters359

Tell your husband that ignoring your expressed needs is taking a path to a marriage that is worse, not better.

You need to think about the same thing regarding frequency of sex, and search on here together for ideas about how to find a better compromise for LD-HD spouses (low drive-high drive).

He is ignoring your words b/c he resents the infrequency of sex. But
that is a cowardly and childish thing to do on his part--he needs to man up and talk about it and explore solutions w you, not "punish" you b/c you lack desire on a frequency that he has it.


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## Gratitude

chillymorn said:


> was he like this before marriage? and if so if it bothered you why did you marry a pig.
> 
> it amazes me how many people marry someone who think marriage will change them into what they want instead of the other way around.


Who's a pig? The OP's husband?

I'm confused :scratchhead: 

'Pig' is a pretty harsh word.


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## HopeFloats59

Mrs. T said:


> LOL...awesome! :smthumbup:


LOL, this response made me think of my guy.

He is very affectionate and playful, so he grabs my tush or boobs or other stuff very often. I usually am pretty playful so I grab back or just laugh and reprimand him playfully. Lately I've been stressed out and dealing with a lot of problems, and I've noticed that when he does his usual grabbing, I've gotten annoyed a few times. I told him I wasn't in the mood and just needed some affection, and he's been really sweet. He's the type that loves cuddling, sleeping joined together, any physical contact. Other than when it's that time of the month and my breasts are really sore, I don't mind. I actually am really happy he's so into me, and we can be so playful together. 

I also know that 9 times out of 10, when he hugs me for long enough or kisses me, he gets a little ahem, awakened down there. He says just bc he always gets erections from me doesn't mean he expects sex all the time (of course whenever I want it, it's there for me ^^) but he says it's just his body's automatic reaction to me bc he's so into me. 

I try to look at what it means, so I appreciate my guy's physical contact. I understand the OP's feelings though. It all depends if you feel you're being heard or not. When my guy realizes I'm not feeling playful bc I've had a bad day, he immediately goes into nurturing mode and sits me down on the couch to give me a nice leg/foot massage and cuddle.


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## HopeFloats59

chaos said:


> If my woman was responding to this question, she would say no that I don't grope her breasts when I hug her but that she definitely notices that my little friend was very happy to see her.


Correction to my last post. I meant THIS post made me think of my guy lol.


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## Shiksa

I love being groped. It means he's seeing me in a sexy way rather than mom and caretaker to the family. I'm in my mid-40's and like other women here, my sex drive has gone through the roof in the last few years. I actually think he's afraid to grope in the fear the beast will be awakened (again!)


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## NaturalHeart

southern wife said:


> Does he also cop a feel of your [email protected]@b(s)? My H does this, and it makes me angry!
> 
> Why can't a hug, be a hug? And not copping a feel....
> 
> If your H does this to you, how does it make you feel?


 
Wanted him to always do that. Now he does. I love it


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## Hicks

The problem is you think his intent is bad which is to sexually objectify you, thus you get mad. Really in his heart is probably a desperate sexual longing to connect with you. I feel bad for him.


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## Skylar

My husband doesn't grope my boobs when he hugs me. Although he loves to hug me any chance he gets.


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## 381917

My husband does, but I like it...


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## diwali123

God no. I would really not be into that if it didn't lead to sex or I wasn't in the mood. It just is too much. Like seriously if you're not in the mood why are you groping me? Or if you know I'm not in the mood why are you groping me? ew.


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## WorkingOnMe

Hicks said:


> The problem is you think his intent is bad which is to sexually objectify you, thus you get mad. Really in his heart is probably a desperate sexual longing to connect with you. I feel bad for him.


+1


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## WorkingOnMe

I learned a lot reading this thread. Makes me wonder if a woman's reaction to this kind of attention is a good barometer for the health of the relationship. I get the feeling that those who despise it tend to say no a lot.


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## Unhappy2011

daisygirl 41 said:


> My H used to do thus ALL the time. Used to drive me nuts at times.
> We are seperated now
> And guess what?
> I'd give anything for a hug and a grope!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


don't know what you got til it's gone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unhappy2011

greenpearl said:


> I guess I am one sick woman.
> 
> I think it's a lot of fun when my husband does it.
> 
> When we pass each other doing something, the first thing we do is to fondle each other. He reaches for my boobs or my pu$$y, I reach for his cok and balls. We do this many times a day. LOVE IT.
> 
> I am glad that my husband is a sexual man, and I like the fact that he likes to grope and fondle me. He says that I have a great body, it gives him a lot of joy.


you seem pretty normal and healthy to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NaturalHeart

For me - if I am in the kitchen cooking or walking around the house with my bootie boy shorts/panties on and my husband does not touch my bottom I'd label him abnormal. I don't know if my husband was shy, just didnt know any better or :sleeping: but he has come a long way. I am pleased.


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## southern wife

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to be touched and caressed! But when I just want a *hug*....is that too much to ask for?

I don't want to be groped everytime he hugs me. It makes me feel disrespected. That's all....


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## koolasma

it feels like heaven  
lovely..


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## Trickster

My wife made a comment that I squeezed her butt too much. Sometimes it was just a slight touch on the rear. Sometimes I would give the breast a little squeeze. So I stopped cold turkey. After two weeks or so, she started to give my rear a little pat. I think she missed that little pat I gave her. 

I like what SA said. I told my wife to be happy that I find her attractive and still want to touch her after 19 years. In a few more years, my sex drive may plummet just as her drive may increase.

We lost so so many years of very little hugging/romance/and touching. I don’t know how we stayed together. 

My wife doesn’t tell me to stop touching her anymore. I think when the time comes again when I stop touching her...She should worry!


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## 381917

southern wife said:


> Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to be touched and caressed! But when I just want a *hug*....is that too much to ask for?
> 
> I don't want to be groped everytime he hugs me. It makes me feel disrespected. That's all....


Try to think about it differently. He's your husband. He presumably loves you and likes touching your body. I would freak out if someone was inappropriately groping me, but my husband...that is totally appropriate to me. I don't think he means disrespect.


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## Sanity

southern wife said:


> :lol: We have sex maybe once a week or every few weeks. I turn him down alot, therefore do not want to grope him back.


I dont care how loyal a man is, turning down a man(rejected) is going to cause him to wander. Worry when he no longer wants to hug and "cop a feel". He cops a feel because you starve him sexually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LadyFrog

I had to think on this one for a bit.

My dh rarely gets sexual with me if the kids are around. A hug is a hug.
If they're not around it's open season. If I'm doing something inane like stirring cake batter, it's game on.

The only time I might get irritable is if I'm doing something I'm really concentrating on, but the irritability stems more from the task itself, like balancing the checkbook, just because I hate it and want to get it done, then from the groping.


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## Sanity

southern wife said:


> Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to be touched and caressed! But when I just want a *hug*....is that too much to ask for?
> 
> I don't want to be groped everytime he hugs me. It makes me feel disrespected. That's all....


Sometimes I don't want pickles on my burger and they give me extra pickles. Why complain when I'm still getting a juicy burger and I can just pick the pickles off real quick? 

Unless you H is doing titty twisters and putting battery clamps on your nipples then just go with the flow.


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## Sanity

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I had to think on this one for a bit.
> 
> My dh rarely gets sexual with me if the kids are around. A hug is a hug.
> If they're not around it's open season. If I'm doing something inane like stirring cake batter, it's game on.
> 
> The only time I might get irritable is if I'm doing something I'm really concentrating on, but the irritability stems more from the task itself, like balancing the checkbook, just because I hate it and want to get it done, then from the groping.


Ah the classic "grab the ass while strirring the cake batter". Used for years by men signaling "I want milk and cookies later".


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## par4

Confused_and_bitter said:


> My H does like to grope and hug, I don't mind at all.
> 
> I get the boob squeeze, butt slap, and the "oops my hand is on your pu**y" lol.
> 
> He also likes to grope in public but in a quick playful way at first it bothered me but then I started to do it back to him, turns out he found it a huge turn on and well then we couldn't be home quick enough.Why is your screen name confused and bitter?
> 
> I have only one rule with the groping, don't make it painful and I'm on board. When we were dating I would have to stop him from playing with my boobs because it felt like he was trying to unscrew them!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe

Sanity said:


> I dont care how loyal a man is, turning down a man(rejected) is going to cause him to wander. Worry when he no longer wants to hug and "cop a feel". He cops a feel because you starve him sexually.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's how I read that too.


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## MEM2020

Southern,
My W very bluntly told me She hated being groped in year one of our marriage. I was embarrassed and completely stopped doing it. I love hugging her, touching her. She always relaxes into me. Feels very welcoming to me. I believe that When your wife says "that type touch feels BAD you stop doing it"

Interesting. My w hates being groped but almost never turns me down for sex. Funny how kindness and consideration beget more of the same.



southern wife said:


> Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to be touched and caressed! But when I just want a *hug*....is that too much to ask for?
> 
> I don't want to be groped everytime he hugs me. It makes me feel disrespected. That's all....


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## par4

I must say after reading this post i thought about it and discussed with my wife. I do understand the points here. We discussed when it was acceptable and agreed that some of it is just a way to show affection. Sometimes she will say "you sitll like my body" Answer is YES
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nc_girl

My husband would do this ALL the time - and so many times, I really just wanted a hug and his groping ruined the feeling. No matter how much I told him I didn't like it, he continued to do it. Just one small example of how I felt disrespected in my marriage. Now we are separated...


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## par4

nc_girl said:


> My husband would do this ALL the time - and so many times, I really just wanted a hug and his groping ruined the feeling. No matter how much I told him I didn't like it, he continued to do it. Just one small example of how I felt disrespected in my marriage. Now we are separated...


So you never felt it was a sign of affection just an inappropriate cop a feel?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nc_girl

par4 said:


> So you never felt it was a sign of affection just an inappropriate cop a feel?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess it happened so many times when it was inappropriate - maybe I was upset about something, or I just needed a hug for some reason...I felt it really ruined it for me. Like he couldn't just do something for ME - he had to get something out of it too.


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## par4

So it happened every time, that would seem excessive. How did he show you affection?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl

When he disrespects you, you disrespect him. 

When he gropes you, you play with his c*ck.

I don't know how many men like naughty women! 

My guess is most men like naughty women!

Too bad that a lot of women are not wired to be naughty!


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## nc_girl

He only seemed to know how to express affection sexually. And my affection (touching his leg, or something along those lines) was never enough for him because it wasn't sexual. After so many years of this, I really felt like all he wanted from me was sex.


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## MEM2020

NC,
I am going to continue to chime in on this thread. The very first time my W made this point to me - and she was really angry - I got it. I understood she really didn't like being groped. 

And you know that is why the non-sexual touch in our marriage is so good. She loves when I touch or hug her. And when I come up behind her in the kitchen and hug her I don't grind her or grab her boobs. I just do a gentle full body hug. And she relaxes back into me. I love that. 

And this is also why our sex life is very good. She associates touch with feeling nice. Same rules apply in bed. I know what feels good to her at the start - the middle and the end. 

I do not understand why guys think marriage means they get to physically do stuff to their wives - that their wives do NOT like. 

Funny thing. If my W was starving me of sex - which she never has - the LAST thing I would do is grope her. 



nc_girl said:


> My husband would do this ALL the time - and so many times, I really just wanted a hug and his groping ruined the feeling. No matter how much I told him I didn't like it, he continued to do it. Just one small example of how I felt disrespected in my marriage. Now we are separated...


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## Lionelhutz

It is sad if a spouse only wants to grope when the other spouse doesn't want it. And I think it is equally sad that both spouses can't enjoy and be comfortable with routinely groping each other.

As always it is only a question of compatibility and nothing more. The spouse that wants to grope is not wrong nor is the spouse rejecting it "right". They just aren't on the same page. They don't need to look outside themselves to seek out support to decide which one of them is in the wrong.

Me personally, my wife always liked groping (giving and receiving) even when she stopped wanting sex. Groping doesn't always have to be about grabbing a cheap thrill, sometimes it is just a recognition that you are intimate lovers and not brother and sister.


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## shy_guy

par4 said:


> I must say after reading this post i thought about it and discussed with my wife. I do understand the points here. We discussed when it was acceptable and agreed that some of it is just a way to show affection. Sometimes she will say "you sitll like my body" Answer is YES
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What I really like here is that you saw something, thought about your wife, realized you may have something to learn, then you *discussed it with your wife and came to an agreement.* I always love that. Good stuff.


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## endlessgrief

southern wife said:


> Does he also cop a feel of your [email protected]@b(s)? My H does this, and it makes me angry!
> 
> Why can't a hug, be a hug? And not copping a feel....
> 
> If your H does this to you, how does it make you feel?


Oh honey, I am about in tears right now. Okay, now I am crying which I rarely do. Hold on while I wipe my eyes. (I am NOT kidding here).

My husband used to cop a feel all the time, my butt, boobs, everywhere, he would act like a lech and I hated it. I used to complain to him about it. He never stopped though because he loved me and my body and couldn't stop copping a feel.

Now it is 20 years later, I have gained weight, he is in a depression and he barely hugs me at all anymore. If he does hug me, I get the polite pats on the back you would give someone at a funeral, no more copping a feel and I MISS IT! I truly miss it, dammit, I didn't thing it bothered me that much until I read this thread. I am actually sitting here crying. Looking back, I felt HOT when he copped a feel even though I complained, now I feel like an unsexy bag of potatoes and it hurts like hell.

Please, be careful for what you wish for, because you just might get it.


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## par4

endlessgrief said:


> Oh honey, I am about in tears right now. Okay, now I am crying which I rarely do. Hold on while I wipe my eyes. (I am NOT kidding here).
> 
> My husband used to cop a feel all the time, my butt, boobs, everywhere, he would act like a lech and I hated it. I used to complain to him about it. He never stopped though because he loved me and my body and couldn't stop copping a feel.
> 
> Now it is 20 years later, I have gained weight, he is in a depression and he barely hugs me at all anymore. If he does hug me, I get the polite pats on the back you would give someone at a funeral, no more copping a feel and I MISS IT! I truly miss it, dammit, I didn't thing it bothered me that much until I read this thread. I am actually sitting here crying. Looking back, I felt HOT when he copped a feel even though I complained, now I feel like an unsexy bag of potatoes and it hurts like hell.
> 
> Please, be careful for what you wish for, because you just might get it.


Good advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lionelhutz

endlessgrief said:


> Please, be careful for what you wish for, because you just might get it.


Sorry to hear of your situation but some good thoughts.

Its so very sad when couples aren't sexually in tune. My wife seems to have always been under the assumption that my sexual interest in her would always be there on permanent standby and she could sample from it as she wished.

It's very sad and painful for both of us to realize it's not.


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## southern wife

nc_girl said:


> I guess it happened so many times when it was inappropriate - maybe I was upset about something, or I just needed a hug for some reason...I felt it really ruined it for me. Like he couldn't just do something for ME - he had to get something out of it too.


Yes, this is how I see it as well. Has to be something in it for HIM, too. But why isn't a hug back enough? 

Funny thing is, since I started this thread, he hasn't done the "grope" thing as much. Just hugs. 

I feel there's a time and place for all things, including sexual touch. And 9 times out of 10 that is not during a good old-fashion, loving hug.


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## missy_me

My husband doesn't do that, but I can totally see why that would be frustrating for you. Along the thought of, "can we not just have intimacy without it always being overtly sexual?" My husband grabs my butt every now and then when we hug but it definitely isn't every time so it doesn't bother me. What I can relate to is that anytime we start kissing, he starts this grinding motion like a 15 year old boy. Sometimes he isn't even against me, just doing it to the air laying in bed. And that gets frustrating because sometimes, I want to kiss just to kiss, not because I want you to hump me. And keep in mind, we do have sex several times a week, so it's not like he isn't getting any.


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## I Know

southern wife said:


> Yes, this is how I see it as well. Has to be something in it for HIM, too. But why isn't a hug back enough?
> 
> Funny thing is, since I started this thread, he hasn't done the "grope" thing as much. Just hugs.
> 
> I feel there's a time and place for all things, including sexual touch. And 9 times out of 10 that is not during a good old-fashion, loving hug.


Southern, your post on the "does breast size matter" thread implied that you had augmentation done. And now you are complaining that your H plays with them? 

Now I don't know if you did have any enhancement. Doesn't matter really. But when you start getting annoyed by your H's attraction to you, I think you are starting down a slippery slope. Male attraction is physically oriented. Your husband is showing love and your annoyance is a rejection of that. For the good of your marriage be careful about where you pick your battles. At some point your H may not be attracted to your twins anymore. You will later wish here were.


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## missy_me

I think it's unfair to imply that she has a problem because she doesn't like being groped EVERY.SINGLE.TIME they hug. Male attraction is physically oriented, but intimacy can't always, always be about sex. If I am reading her posts correctly, she would be fine if it was only sometimes, or part of the time. It's just...every single time...I don't think it's wrong to feel uncomfortable with that.


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## I Know

missy_me said:


> I think it's unfair to imply that she has a problem because she doesn't like being groped EVERY.SINGLE.TIME they hug. Male attraction is physically oriented, but intimacy can't always, always be about sex. If I am reading her posts correctly, she would be fine if it was only sometimes, or part of the time. It's just...every single time...I don't think it's wrong to feel uncomfortable with that.


I am not implying that she is wrong at all. You appear to be a newer member, so you may not have read the hundreds of posts where women write with anguish about the husband not paying sexual attention to them. All I am saying is that many men show affection with groping. once you start rejecting that affection bad things can happen. 

You may wish that men were more subtle or less physical in their expressions, but we are what we are. Sometimes no groping = no affection.


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## need2ventnow

I think I would take that as a compliment bcuz he obviously loves your body!!! However, if it bothers you I would certainly ask him if he can sometimes appreciate the inner you and not always the outer you...tell him how it makes you feel.


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