# Am i being a fool to believe him?



## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

I would appreciate a guy's point of view.

I have posted my situation previously so I will just recap here. Approx 6 weeks ago I found out that my husband of 39 yrs marriage had been secretly FB, telephoning, e-mailing, & meeting for lunch(even when they weren't working together) with a female co-worker for 2 YEARS .
When I asked him about this, he swore that they were just friends & met & talked about work & her family problems and that there was no sex or romance involved.
At first, I was so shocked & hurt I wasn't sure the marriage would survive. But, he said that he would not conctact her again.

Am I being a trusting fool to beleive him? Both about the no sex & no future contact?

How do I get past the suspision that he may still be contacting her secretly?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

> Am I being a trusting fool to beleive him? Both about the no sex & no future contact?


Yes



> How do I get past the suspision that he may still be contacting her secretly?


Verify with phone records, voice activated recorders and snooping.

Cheaters are usually pretty good at hiding their actions. You have to get better at catching him.

If this was a purely platonic relationship, you would have known about it from the start.


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## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

Thanks for the input. 
I just wish I knew why he did this. I thought we had an extra special relationship.
My feelings for him had never changed in all those years.
Why do some men change?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He did it because he wanted to, MsSherlock.

You would be a fool to trust him blindly again. 

With that said, verify he's being honest via his actions. Words are cheap.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

If he is being honest with you now...and why would he after hiding this from you for two years.... then he should agree to be 100% open to you. He should understand your fear and lack of trust since he is the one who brought it on.

You should have all his passwords, and he should be HAPPY to provide them. He should WANT you to not worry, to not suspect anything, and to WANT you to help strengthen the marriage. 

If he throws ANY of this back on you he is full of sh*t and not being open and honest. You have to go thru this with your eyes wide open. You also have to think about down the road, in case this doesn't play out the way you would like it to. Time to start figuring out your Plan B. Everyone should have a Plan B... specially if you've been warned by HIM.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

mssherlock22 said:


> I would appreciate a guy's point of view.
> 
> I have posted my situation previously so I will just recap here. Approx 6 weeks ago I found out that my husband of 39 yrs marriage had been secretly FB, telephoning, e-mailing, & meeting for lunch(even when they weren't working together) with a female co-worker for 2 YEARS .
> When I asked him about this, he swore that they were just friends & met & talked about work & her family problems and that there was no sex or romance involved.
> ...


I'm going through similar thing right now with my H. Is the OW married? If so contact OWH and see if he is aware of their "friendship"...I bet he's not. Big red flag!!

Did he get defensive when you confronted him? Mine did. Trying to turn it on me saying that I was probably doing the same thing and put his finger in my face and said " and I better not find out you are"!!!


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Not proper to have any contact like that with females other than your wife...especially long term.

Cant ever trust him again...sorry

Some of us guys believe in marriage. Even when our wives treat us like nothing.

Divorce the bum.


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## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

Dear Numb:
No, she is not married at this time. She was apprarently married approx 10 yrs when she was young. She has 2 children who are 25 & 17 but was not married to either of their fathers. 
That's what I can't understand about his assertion that their relationship had never progressed beyond the "friends" stage because they both were too moral to do so.
No, he was more or less just cold about it other than being 
surprised at being caught & saying he didn't think he was doing anything wrong.THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS & MOSTLY TALKED ABOUT WORK. I want to scream if he says they were just friends one more time.


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