# Question for Men????



## Newlybrown32 (Feb 10, 2014)

I am curious to know when the men on the forum walked down the aisle with their bride, where you truly in love? Or did you love the women and fell in love during the marriage?


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I thought I was in love and I was not a kid when I was married. I'm not even sure if I ever attained true love even after 24 years of marriage. I am beginning to see things differently now that I am older. I don't yet know the answer........


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Sappy and cliché, but I'd have died for her. So... I'm gonna go with being truly in love when I got married. lol


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We were in love, and had known it the 7 years we'd lived together before marrying. Since then, it has only grown deeper and stronger.


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## Newlybrown32 (Feb 10, 2014)

Wow at Betrayedone. Are you seeing things differently now in a good way?


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## Newlybrown32 (Feb 10, 2014)

Thank you for your responses @ Married but happy and @DvlsAdvc8. Since you two were in love when you got married, have you heard of anyone not being fully in love when married but the love grew while married? Or do you think a man has to be fully in love in the beginning to have a successful marriage?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Newlybrown32 said:


> I am curious to know when the men on the forum walked down the aisle with their bride, where you truly in love? Or did you love the women and fell in love during the marriage?


In love, but not the crazy chemistry type of love.
But I knew it was definitely love.

Still in love, after all these years.


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## Newlybrown32 (Feb 10, 2014)

@caribbean Man...That is the exact response I got from my husband. We haven't been married long but I was wondering is that normal or is that fair to me because I'm madly in love.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

You can't keep white hot passion and infatuation going for years at a time.

Complacency and familiarity wear on it. There are days where, as my friend said, the walls aren't thick enough in the house/apartment.

HOWEVER, it is a choice you make daily for a wide variety of reasons some of which have nothing to do with the spouse.

Do I believe in love? Yes. I even feel it. But love can be a choice. it is important to make the right choices.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

JCD said:


> You can't keep white hot passion and infatuation going for years at a time.


Yes you can. I wish people would stop telling each other this.

Not everyone wants to, but if you do want to, you can.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Loved the ish out of her.

At that moment when she came down that isle, I'm not gonna lie, I truly though God made her for me. A gift. She was truly, truly breath taking. I couldn't believe my good fortune. She blew every magazine chick or movie star out of the water.

Then in a cruel twist of fate, she became LD. So I guess I was just being punished.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes you can. I wish people would stop telling each other this.
> 
> Not everyone wants to, but if you do want to, you can.


I agree whole heartedly with this. I think that so many people have just accepted that as the inevitable truth, and when things like familiarity, the day to day grind of life set in, they just assume that's how it is SUPPOSED to work and do nothing to combat it. 

Some days are harder than others, but if the things that keep the passion and spark alive have truly been made into an ingrained habit, I think as long as the effort is made by both partners, it can last for a lifetime.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Loved the ish out of her.
> 
> At that moment when she came down that isle, I'm not gonna lie, I truly though God made her for me. A gift. She was truly, truly breath taking. I couldn't believe my good fortune. She blew every magazine chick or movie star out of the water.
> 
> Then in a cruel twist of fate, she became LD. So I guess I was just being punished.


At first I was all 










and then I was all










It sucks life twisted like that


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Newlybrown32 said:


> @caribbean Man...That is the exact response I got from my husband. We haven't been married long but I was wondering is that normal or is that fair to me because I'm madly in love.


How long have both of you been married?


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Madly in love, other than that I cant see getting married.


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## Newlybrown32 (Feb 10, 2014)

8 months @caribbean man


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## Newlybrown32 (Feb 10, 2014)

@Sinnester...I am new. What is LD?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Newlybrown32 said:


> @Sinnester...I am new. What is LD?


Low Drive/Desire talking about sexual drive or desire. Many use that term here interchangeably, however, I feel there is a difference between Low Drive, and Low Desire. Low Drive simply means not wanting or needing sex in general as much as your partner. Low Desire on the other hand means not wanting sex with your partner. A person may be higher drive, but low desire if they want sex, just not with their partner.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

My wife was pregnant, so we were in a bit of a spot. We got married, even though, as she reminds me to this day, I never actually asked her. I loved her, but I was still pining away for 'The One' who married someone else. I did this for several years, loving my wife, yet missing my college ex. As the years went by those feelings faded and I continued to love my wife more and more each day. We're now at 23 years and still going strong, aside from my little RJ issue. There's no one I'd rather be spending my life with. It was a smart choice that I didn't even know I made all those years ago.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Yes.

We also had two children and a bun in the oven.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes you can. I wish people would stop telling each other this.
> 
> Not everyone wants to, but if you do want to, you can.


I agree with this, at least to the extent that SOME people can. I've been with my wife for 36 years and the passion and infatuation are still there.

But I think some people get bored without new stimuli. Thrill seekers are the extreme example.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I was deeply in love with my wife on our wedding day and I am still nearly 20 years later.

(that's in love not just lusting for).


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## Don-Juan (Sep 1, 2013)

Newlybrown32 said:


> I am curious to know when the men on the forum walked down the aisle with their bride, where you truly in love? Or did you love the women and fell in love during the marriage?


Was I "truly in love" when I walked down the aisle ....No......I liked her very much and loved spending time with her, we seldom argued then and that continues today.

She was not exactly what I was looking for in a wife, ( her parents were separated, she was dating when she was 14 yrs old and lost her virginity when she was barely 15, this was not the "type" of girl I was looking to marry) but I wasn't getting any younger (I got married @23yrs old) and thought what the heck. 

So I married her, (like someone earlier mentioned) I never really asked her if she would marry me, I just gave her a ring and never asked. Apparently it was implied because she started planning a wedding.

28 Yrs and 2 wonderful children later, I have come to realize she is the closest thing to my soul mate that I could have found. I have grown to love her very much and would be lost without her. 

I am glad I didn't wait for the "perfect" girl because I don't think she existed then or now. I guess you could say I stumbled into the best decision of my life!


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Newlybrown32 said:


> Wow at Betrayedone. Are you seeing things differently now in a good way?


Ok, let's see..........I was 32 when I was married and at that time I was probably as much in love as I was going to be with her. The next 24 years were spent working hard, being apart a lot and focused on raising kids. We did not nurture what was the foundation of what we had so "love" took a back seat and slowly died. When I tried to make improvements she was not on board and vice versa. I would say that I am the more emotionally connected one and she is kind of cold and analytical. Whether I did that to her or she is plumbed that way is arguable. I do realize the issues of her youth have DEFINITELY contributed HEAVILY to our demise. It is very clear to me now. We basically had a business relationship for the duration of our marriage. So.......Perhaps I do not even know what REAL love as a married adult looks and feels like and that kind of scares me because I am seeing someone now who seems absolutely ideal as an individual, as a loving person, and who seems to be a WONDERFUL match for me. Will I know how to act? What to do? How to feel? This relationship is SO DIFFERENT from what I have experienced it blows my mind. I hope I am up to the task because she/we deserve everything we have to share...........Thanks for asking. BTW, I am 55 and very in touch with my sense of self and am constantly learning and reading.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Newlybrown32 said:


> I am curious to know when the men on the forum walked down the aisle with their bride, where you truly in love? Or did you love the women and fell in love during the marriage?


I was madly in love. Thought for sure she was my soulmate. Unfortunately she didn't feel the same. Should have paid attention more. No longer believe in the soulmate thing anymore


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I was truly in love with her, although a part of me was a bit scared.
Love has been growing since then. I think it will continue.

However I do believe that not being head over heals on your wedding day is not necessarily a bad thing if you've really, really thought things through, know the person well enough and take the plunge.

Love can grow. And old love can be the best.


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## ericthesane (May 10, 2013)

I was very much in love with her... and, aside from the infatuation and her beauty, I respected her for her wit, her intelligence, her wide interests, her determination and drive and I felt that I had found my best friend, closes confidante and lover in one and the same woman...

Sad really.... The more the years have passed, and what I have learned, I think that I was in love with her, she was in love with the idea of finding a husband and being married, and that I was the best option available......

I think that most people DO love, and are in love when they walk down the isle though, at least in cultures where one can choose relatively freely.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Yes I was in love with her; I could not imagine my life without her. And I knew this even though I was only 17 years old and she was 16 and pregnant. As much as were were in love then, our love has continued to deepen over the last 41 years. I will say that there have been some difficult times. I had to learn to love unselfishlly and learn how to meet her needs. i had to deal with my own stuff and she had to do the same. There were times that we couldn't stand each other, times we were not "in love" but we made a vow. We went to counseling, read books together, learned how to communicate, and learned each other's love language. Today we are best friends, passionate lovers and madly in love with each other!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Newlybrown32 said:


> I am curious to know when the men on the forum walked down the aisle with their bride, where you truly in love? Or did you love the women and fell in love during the marriage?


There is no scientific measurement of 'true love'.

So how do we know?


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

I think I was in love. I will also openly admit tgat marriage and family represented the right thing to do. So a part of me was simply meeting internal and external expectations with regards to "this is how life should go". 

Years later as I reflect back and see where we are today, I would not have married her. But hindsight is 20/20. I love her enough that with her is probably better than without her (having a child is important reason for this). Just being honest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I fell in love with her nearly 10 years before we wed.

I loved her the day she came walking down the aisle to me, a vision.

I am in love with her more today than I was then.

I hope to continue falling deeper in love as the years pass.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

JCD said:


> There is no scientific measurement of 'true love'.
> 
> So how do we know?


...and they say scientists are not romantic...:rofl::rofl:


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Newlybrown32 said:


> I am curious to know when the men on the forum walked down the aisle with their bride, where you truly in love? Or did you love the women and fell in love during the marriage?


I was head over heals in love when we married...I met my DW when I was 19 and she was 18 and we're exclusive from then until we married 2 1/2 years later. We've now been married 22 years. I couldn't believe that that stunning bride was walking down the aisle to join me forever. It was a surreal moment...and sometimes still is...it's been a great ride.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Yes, 100% in love.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

I was very much in love when she walked down the isle. We maintained the love for a few years and life and complacency got in the way. We stopped putting effort into our relationship and we fell out of love. 

Fortunately we discovered ourselves again and worked on our relationship until we fell in love again. Our love continues to grow stronger each year now and we have passed 24 of them so far.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Newlybrown32 said:


> I am curious to know when the men on the forum walked down the aisle with their bride, where you truly in love? Or did you love the women and fell in love during the marriage?


Kind of both, love/lust down the aisle and then in love with her 12 years later.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

I was genuinely in love before the wedding. As time has gone on, I am falling out of love.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Newlybrown32 said:


> I am curious to know when the men on the forum walked down the aisle with their bride, where you truly in love?


Oh hell yes!



Newlybrown32 said:


> Or did you love the women and fell in love during the marriage?


:scratchhead:


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

First it was lust, but by the time I proposed I was definitely in love through the wedding, kids, etc. In the 20+ years I probably fell out of love twice - I mean enough to seriously consider leaving. I have doubted her love for me on a number of occasions.

As of today, I'm still not sure she is truly in love with me, at least by my definition. But I am sure she is committed to me - meaning she is committed to work through things and stay together.


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