# I left my wife last night and feel so guity



## Johnyx (Sep 29, 2020)

Hello 
We have been Married for 25 yrs had many ups and downs with both of us trying to be in control.
my wife last year had an emotional affair for 6 months it got very serious but she ended it.
Well lo and behold I find out she has been texting emailing the same guy for the past 4 months.
(snooping on her phone) yes I know it’s an invasion of privacy but I could see she was exhibiting the same actions as the last time.
I confronted her and she vehemently denied she had been in contact with him, I told her I had seen all the texts on her phone.
she went ballistic saying I didn’t have any right to invade her personal privacy and I have ruined everything And that I should leave ASAP.
I found myself a AirB&B and left last night .
so I am into my first day alone and I feel really guilty for putting her through the ringer, I know today she went to see a therapist to help her get over this.
Why do I feel so crappy when I really wanted to leave this past month.
why am I looking at her in a good light after all she has done.

thanks


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

What? YOU feel guilty? SHE is the one in the wrong here. For her YOU ruined everything because she can't have her cake and eat it too. I would not worry AT ALL about snooping on her phone. After her EA, she should have been an open book for you at ANY time you wanted. She is mad that she got caught and will try to turn it all around as being YOUR fault.
I am guessing that she really did NOT ever stop the EA. 
I would also NOT leave the marital home. Have HER leave if she wants to get away from you. In some places, leaving the home can cause you issues if you decide to Divorce her.
REALLY sorry you are going through this.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

How can you feel guilty for leaving a cheater, Wake up and don’t accept her crap, she has never stopped her cheating.......time to put on the big boy pants and tell her you are going to expose her cheating


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She’s angry because you caught her.

There is no phone privacy when you’re dealing with a cheater.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

You feel guilty?Hell, she is the one that should be staying in an air bnb not you.
You did nothing wrong. She got busted; therefore, she is pissed ay you. Typical cheater logic.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Johnyx said:


> Hello
> We have been Married for 25 yrs had many ups and downs with both of us trying to be in control.
> my wife last year had an emotional affair for 6 months it got very serious but she ended it.
> Well lo and behold I find out she has been texting emailing the same guy for the past 4 months.
> ...


You are conflicted but the EA is totally on her. What did you do after you caught her the first time, were any boundaries put in place or did you simply rug sweep.
Do you want to stay in the marriage or leave the marriage, you need to make that decision first. You may be co-dependent or trauma bonded to her, hence the feelings of wanting to repair and seeing her in a good light. You need time and space between you to be able to assess where you stand. In the meantime, talk to a close friend who has your interests at heart or get a counsellor. Eat, sleep and exercise well also. She needs to know that she is losing you. Go no contact.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dude, what the F? She's cheating and you're feeling guilty because you invated her privacy? Screw that man. The only privacy in a marriage is in the toilet. 
And you like a little dog with his tail between his leg left home because you ruined everything? What the F again, grab your balls, man up, go back home and you ask her to ****ing leave. That you will no longer tolerate a cheating scum of a partner. Get your self respect and your dignity back, kick her to the curb. Find someone that really wants you and respect you.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

To answer your question of why you feel crappy.

You have had 25 years together.
Like you say, over those years you have had your ups and downs but got through them.
This is a down, but you haven't been able to work through this one.
Maybe leving isn't a coping style you are used to. 
Most people can't stop loving a partner straight away even when they are hurting.
There will be plenty of good memories from your years together that keep surfacing.

Regardless of whether it's right or wrong, the mind works in mysterious ways and you might feel like you should have been there for her in some way, and that if you had been more this, that, or the other, then this/that wouldn't have happened.

Statistically, the longer the marriage, the more chance of having to deal with something like this.

Would you feel better if you moved back into your home? You should not have felt like you had to leave, you did nothing wrong. But you probably wanted to distance yourself from the person who hurt you.
Is there somewhere your wife could go instead?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

🤦‍♂️ Struggling to not say anything mean... but...



Rob_1 said:


> Dude, what the F? She's cheating and you're feeling guilty because you invated her privacy? Screw that man. The only privacy in a marriage is in the toilet.
> And you like a little dog with his tail between his leg left home because you ruined everything? What the F again, grab your balls, man up, go back home and you ask her to ****ing leave. That you will no longer tolerate a cheating scum of a partner. Get your self respect and your dignity back, kick her to the curb. Find someone that really wants you and respect you.


This.

Cant say it any better.


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## Corry (Sep 29, 2020)

Johnyx said:


> Hello
> We have been Married for 25 yrs had many ups and downs with both of us trying to be in control.
> my wife last year had an emotional affair for 6 months it got very serious but she ended it.
> Well lo and behold I find out she has been texting emailing the same guy for the past 4 months.
> ...


My husband walked out on me after 27 years I had an affair 10 years before. Then I got in a car accident 3 years ago and got a brain injury. I got status epilepticus and was put in coma. When I came out of coma they said I had adult onset epilepsy My husband was not happy. Then he got a job. Started going through a midlife crises. Left 2018 Xmas day. Told me for months he didn’t know what he wanted. Then got w someone. I served him seperation papers in nov 2019. Then he was saying he didn’t know what he wanted. All the way up to April 2020. When I found out he was living w someone starting dec 2019. I was devastated. He says he is w her for now. He can’t say what is going to happen in life. He won’t sign seperation papers. It has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But I would try to be with him if he came back and said he wanted to be here. Because I love him. I know it’s not right to let someone do that to you. I know he has made a terrible mistake. If he came back and said he loved me and wanted to be with me I would try. Because I loved home. He never tried. He didn’t want to try w me You might want to get done councilling together or talk to someone at church before you divorce. If you do decide to. There is a thing called DivorceCare It’s a program through church. It helped me immensely You can’t make someone love you or want to be with you. If you don’t love someone and want to be with them you shouldn’t


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## Johnyx (Sep 29, 2020)

aine said:


> You are conflicted but the EA is totally on her. What did you do after you caught her the first time, were any boundaries put in place or did you simply rug sweep.
> Do you want to stay in the marriage or leave the marriage, you need to make that decision first. You may be co-dependent or trauma bonded to her, hence the feelings of wanting to repair and seeing her in a good light. You need time and space between you to be able to assess where you stand. In the meantime, talk to a close friend who has your interests at heart or get a counsellor. Eat, sleep and exercise well also. She needs to know that she is losing you. Go no contact.


Hello , thanks for your input
After the first EA she promised not to do it again.
We went to counseling together and thought we had got through it.
I feel a little crazy here as my wife has turned it around and is blaming me for the marriage breakdown, as opposed to her EA.
I feel lost in limbo, I have no desire to do anything, I’m hoping that it gets better.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Johnyx said:


> Hello , thanks for your input
> After the first EA she promised not to do it again.
> We went to counseling together and thought we had got through it.
> I feel a little crazy here as my wife has turned it around and is blaming me for the marriage breakdown, as opposed to her EA.
> I feel lost in limbo, I have no desire to do anything, I’m hoping that it gets better.


Yes she will blame you, thats what cheaters do, ignore it. You will feel lost, its a horrible thing to happen, but once the trust is gone, there really is no marriage left. It may be best if you cut off contact with her, dont listen to her lies.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> How can you feel guilty for leaving a cheater, Wake up and don’t accept her crap, she has never stopped her cheating.......time to put on the big boy pants and tell her you are going to expose her cheating


Yep.
And ask HER to move out. Why should you give up the conveniences of home?


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Johnyx said:


> Hello
> We have been Married for 25 yrs had many ups and downs with both of us trying to be in control.
> my wife last year had an emotional affair for 6 months it got very serious but she ended it.
> Well lo and behold I find out she has been texting emailing the same guy for the past 4 months.
> ...


You wife is doing what cheaters do....blame their spouse and accept no blame. Invasion of her privacy....going ballistic....telling you to leave. Classic victimization when someone is cold busted. The only mistake you made was leaving. She should have been the one to leave. Go back to your house and stand your ground. Tell her you want a divorce and then go see lawyer to figure out your next move. I am a firm believer that the one that cheats moves out and losing everything. Tell her to go be with the other dude...they deserve each other.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Couples have varying degrees of privacy in their marriages, and that's fine... until infidelity enters the picture. After that, privacy goes out the window. Your wife should have gladly handed her phone, tablet, etc. over ANY time you wanted. Why? Because she shouldn't have been doing anything wrong, and she should have wanted to prove that you can trust her. You were not snooping. You know she is a cheater, you had reason to believe she was cheating again, and turns out... she WAS cheating again. You did nothing wrong. 

It's not shock that your wife is blaming you, that's what most cheaters do. Despite what she says or has made you believe, it's not true. SHE cheated, not you. SHE lied, not you. SHE broke your vows, not you. SHE is being abusive, not you. 

Why do you feel guilty? That's something only you can figure out because different people could have different answers. 

You are a good person with empathy and you know that it hurts to be left. However, she did that to herself. Separation or divorce is a natural consequence of infidelity. 
You are human and humans are rarely, if ever, 100% sure of their choices. The guilt may also be self-doubt. It's hard to walk away from the life you've known for 25+ years. 
You feel responsible for your spouse's feelings and may be co-dependent. 
Cheaters can be very manipulative. Example, you feeling guilty for "snooping" on a cheater. 
You may blame yourself for your spouse cheating. You weren't good enough, weren't attractive enough, didn't try hard enough, didn't love her enough, etc. It's all a load of BS, btw. 
When you said your vows, you probably meant them. For some, they feel "stuck", for better or worse. They feel they have to forgive and stay together, or at least try. 
Your world was just turned upside down. Feeling guilt can let you feel a sense of control, like all you have to do is go home and things would be back to normal, etc. 
Feeling guilt can be a defense mechanism. It _feels_ easier to feel guilt and self-blame than to deal with the trauma of what just happened. 
Why are you looking at her in a good light? Because you have been with her for over 25 years and if you have children, she is the mother of your children. No one is ALL good or ALL bad. The bad doesn't erase the lifetime of good times and good memories. Infidelity, separation, and divorce doesn't mean you have to hate your spouse/ex-spouse and wish horrible things for them.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Johnyx said:


> Hello
> We have been Married for 25 yrs had many ups and downs with both of us trying to be in control.
> my wife last year had an emotional affair for 6 months it got very serious but she ended it.
> Well lo and behold I find out she has been texting emailing the same guy for the past 4 months.
> ...


There is no privacy in marriage unless it is a bathroom break. Your cheating W should have had her bags packed. Go back to your home. You have done nothing wrong.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Johnyx said:


> Hello , thanks for your input
> After the first EA she promised not to do it again.
> We went to counseling together and thought we had got through it.
> I feel a little crazy here as my wife has turned it around and is blaming me for the marriage breakdown, as opposed to her EA.
> I feel lost in limbo, I have no desire to do anything, I’m hoping that it gets better.


Blame shifting. Your WW will rewrite marital history to make you look like a ogre. I suspect the first EA was carpet swept and not real consequences. Don't do that again. BTW, cheaters lie like a rug. Promise everything but deliver nothing. Go to your home. Ask you WW to leave. File for D. It is time for real consequences.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> Couples have varying degrees of privacy in their marriages, and that's fine... until infidelity enters the picture. After that, privacy goes out the window. Your wife should have gladly handed her phone, tablet, etc. over ANY time you wanted. Why? Because she shouldn't have been doing anything wrong, and she should have wanted to prove that you can trust her. You were not snooping. You know she is a cheater, you had reason to believe she was cheating again, and turns out... she WAS cheating again. You did nothing wrong.
> 
> It's not shock that your wife is blaming you, that's what most cheaters do. Despite what she says or has made you believe, it's not true. SHE cheated, not you. SHE lied, not you. SHE broke your vows, not you. SHE is being abusive, not you.
> 
> ...


What I truly fear is that one of those reasons you mentioned is holding him back, like a slave who even when presented with freedom chooses slavery because he doesn't know any better.

There is NO reason to feel guilty about catching a cheating spouse.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don’t rely on “hope” in order for things to “get better”. What would that even look like? Look up gaslighting. That’s what she’s doing and you’re allowing it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Johnyx said:


> Hello
> We have been Married for 25 yrs had many ups and downs with both of us trying to be in control.
> my wife last year had an emotional affair for 6 months it got very serious but she ended it.
> Well lo and behold I find out she has been texting emailing the same guy for the past 4 months.
> ...


So you need to think about this like so. Your issue here is not that you did anything wrong to feel guilty about, it's that you feel guilty at all. Attack the problem from that perspective, working on your misplaced guilt, and stop worrying about your wandering wife.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Johnyx said:


> Hello
> We have been Married for 25 yrs had many ups and downs with both of us trying to be in control.
> my wife last year had an emotional affair for 6 months it got very serious but she ended it.
> Well lo and behold I find out she has been texting emailing the same guy for the past 4 months.
> ...


She cheats and lies to your face. You have nothing! To feel guilty about. She aught to be groveling at your feet begging forgiveness. Go home and tell her she needs to leave! She is the cheater. Dont you know she was on phone to AP as soon as you left. You ruined her secrete affair and brought it to light.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

here we have a man that has been so truly domesticated that he lost all sense of himself. As we can see he is not capable of being a decisive, confident individual that would take the bull by the horns and knows how to deal with the situation at hand; instead he is feeling lost, confused, not knowing which way to turn.

OP you need to look pass the harsh sounding way of some of the statements being made here and look within yourself and ask: is what some of these harsh sounding people are saying true in refence to my situation? Or how I am coming across with my posts? 

Regardless of how you are feeling, one thing is for sure: YOU must start acting not reacting. YOU must starting taking responsibility for yourself as to how weak or strong you react to your wife's gaslighting, because that's what she's doing. 
Question: why would you want to be in a relationship with a woman that has not respect for you? Why would you continue to want to be with woman that obviously is not in love with you?
Please, do not say that it is because you love her, because What love got to do with it? The problem here is not your love for her, it's her lack of love for you and her complete disrespect toward you. Most likely in her view, you are not longer that strong virile man that tickles her fancy, and gets her all hot and bothered, that one is obviously now someone else. You want to be with her knowing that? Start with readings like "No More Mr. Nice Guy" to help you get your mojo back.

If in spite of who your wife is now, and how she has treated you, you still want to be with her, then just submit, go back to her, beg her forgiveness, lick your wounds and be happy and content knowing that you are with her in spite of her wanting another man. I wonder if you'll be happy living like that?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Corry said:


> My husband walked out on me after 27 years I had an affair 10 years before. Then I got in a car accident 3 years ago and got a brain injury. I got status epilepticus and was put in coma. When I came out of coma they said I had adult onset epilepsy My husband was not happy. Then he got a job. Started going through a midlife crises. Left 2018 Xmas day. Told me for months he didn’t know what he wanted. Then got w someone. I served him seperation papers in nov 2019. Then he was saying he didn’t know what he wanted. All the way up to April 2020. When I found out he was living w someone starting dec 2019. I was devastated. He says he is w her for now. He can’t say what is going to happen in life. He won’t sign seperation papers. It has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But I would try to be with him if he came back and said he wanted to be here. Because I love him. I know it’s not right to let someone do that to you. I know he has made a terrible mistake. If he came back and said he loved me and wanted to be with me I would try. Because I loved home. He never tried. He didn’t want to try w me You might want to get done councilling together or talk to someone at church before you divorce. If you do decide to. There is a thing called DivorceCare It’s a program through church. It helped me immensely You can’t make someone love you or want to be with you. If you don’t love someone and want to
> 
> 
> be with them you shouldn’t


Not to thread jack -

Did it really help you? The man left you, is living with someone else and you are saying if he came back you would try. Trying not to be blunt here but his doesn't sound very healthy.

Usually Churches are the absolute WORST when it comes to infidelity. I say that as someone who is a Christian. All you need to know is over and over in the Bible God advises to stay away from the Adulterous person. He calls them death and the adultery (both yours, and now his) caused the destruction and death in your relationship right? Also sounds like your emotional life, as far as having a partner is dead too as you wait. Again, if you wait you are not following his advice and their for have allowed death into your life. 

Finally what the church never tells you is up in the the New Testament he didn't even give you a chance to take a cheater back because according to his law the cheaters was to be put to death. That's right, no chance, they were gone and you were widowed. You were forced to start over by God himself. Yet somehow they Church has mad God's default position that you have to take one back now after Christ. That makes NO SENSE. In fact this has never been the case.

I could go on and on and maybe you should start your own thread so we can, but I suspect you have not been given all the facts about this.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Evidently she didn't get through the ups and downs, b/c she decided to have an emotional affair. Was there ever any points in the marriage where she told you she was fed up, or whatever it is? Also, I would say you should go back home tonight, and tell her calmly that she needs to go, and that you didn't do anything wrong.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Johnyx said:


> Hello , thanks for your input
> After the first EA she promised not to do it again.
> We went to counseling together and thought we had got through it.
> I feel a little crazy here as my wife has turned it around and is blaming me for the marriage breakdown, as opposed to her EA.
> I feel lost in limbo, I have no desire to do anything, I’m hoping that it gets better.


All you need to understand about this and people like your wife is -

It's in their nature.

Meaning it's not a problem they can fix, they have to change who they are. Can it be done? Yes but it's a monumental task like someone who has a drinking problem. And they are always vulnerable to start back up.

She has done it now twice that you know of, and this second time she is being willful about it.

Look seems like you were thinking clearly but you are letting her manipulate you to feel guilty, which is a classic MO of a people like your wife. If you go back this will be your life. Unless she is willing to accept that she has a broken nature and is willing to fix it, it's not going to change. And she isn't even close.

You shouldn't hope, the only way for things to get better is to accept that this is who she is and move on without her. Nothing is going to change until your move on from her.

By the way given how she is I would bet money that you don't have anywhere close to the whole story, and that there has been a lot more going on and for a longer time than you even considered. Serial cheating doesn't show up after 20 years of being faithful that's not how it works. Serial cheaters just are, nothing causes them to be. 

It's in her nature.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Johny, one further thing: Expose this. What you encountered was a defense mechanism. She had to put the intrusion into her privacy as an aggressive defensive posture, when in reality she does not have a leg to stand on. Use this. Tell her family and her work why you have separated. Truth has a way of pointing fingers, even when the perpetrator has attempted to bully the victim into silence. She knows that one word from you and her credibility goes into the toilet. Before you leave the airbnb, tell. She needs the hammer to drop, whether she likes it or not. You will not believe the turn-around.


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## Johnyx (Sep 29, 2020)

Taxman said:


> Johny, one further thing: Expose this. What you encountered was a defense mechanism. She had to put the intrusion into her privacy as an aggressive defensive posture, when in reality she does not have a leg to stand on. Use this. Tell her family and her work why you have separated. Truth has a way of pointing fingers, even when the perpetrator has attempted to bully the victim into silence. She knows that one word from you and her credibility goes into the toilet. Before you leave the airbnb, tell. She needs the hammer to drop, whether she likes it or not. You will not believe the turn-around.


I am not leaving the AirB&b as I have signed up for a lease of a year.
We have considerable assets whereas my rent for the AirB&b will come out of.
I am hoping to come to a 50/50 division of assets in the coming year.
We own 2 homes so I will obviously get one of them.
We also have a joint business that she wants to carry on working in.
At this point I just want to get away from everything


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Johnyx said:


> I am not leaving the AirB&b as I have signed up for a lease of a year.
> We have considerable assets whereas my rent for the AirB&b will come out of.
> I am hoping to come to a 50/50 division of assets in the coming year.
> We own 2 homes so I will obviously get one of them.
> ...


Curious, if you own 2 homes why didn't you go stay in the other?


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## Johnyx (Sep 29, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Curious, if you own 2 homes why didn't you go stay in the other?


It’s rented out until April next year


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ahh too bad.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Once a spouse has cheated they need to be prepared to be transparent and give you access to assure yourself it's not still going on but that has to be a conversation. I'm sure you don't know what the nature of their relationship is exactly at this point but it doesn't really matter because she didn't care enough to just put it aside and try to rebuild your relationship. 

you had reason to Snoop although as I said it would have been better off handled with a conversation and agreement that you could see her phone and she could see yours if need be. so you should have feelings because it was 25 years and on some level you must care an awful lot about her in so many ways, but you should not feel guilty. It's really up to her to do any reparations at this point. Good luck.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Johnyx said:


> It’s rented out until April next year


Depending on where you live and landlord/tenant laws, you may be able to move in anyway. Sometimes if the property owner needs to move in the tenants can be kicked out. Something to look into...


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## Johnyx (Sep 29, 2020)

bobert said:


> Depending on where you live and landlord/tenant laws, you may be able to move in anyway. Sometimes if the property owner needs to move in the tenants can be kicked out. Something to look into...


I would rather give sufficient notice as they are a young family of 5.
I really don’t mind my Airbnb beautiful holiday let with amazing views but somewhat small, but More than I really need at the moment.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Johnyx said:


> Hello , thanks for your input
> After the first EA she promised not to do it again.
> We went to counseling together and thought we had got through it.
> I feel a little crazy here as my wife has turned it around and is blaming me for the marriage breakdown, as opposed to her EA.
> I feel lost in limbo, I have no desire to do anything, I’m hoping that it gets better.


Of course you will feel in limbo but only you can take control of how you act. You need to go scorched earth on your wife. She got away with it the first time and simply has no respect for you at all. I agree with many other posters here. You should not be the one to leave your house. Tell her family and your family, friends etc about what she is doing, tell her to leave your home. Go see a lawyer and see what you options are. Please also get counselling for yourself. Your softly softly approach the last time did not work and she upped the ante and is now in a full blown affair. Sometimes you have to be willing to lose a marriage to save it but honestly if you have any self respect you should really consider whether you want this woman in your life in the first place.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> What? YOU feel guilty? SHE is the one in the wrong here. For her YOU ruined everything because she can't have her cake and eat it too. I would not worry AT ALL about snooping on her phone. After her EA, she should have been an open book for you at ANY time you wanted. She is mad that she got caught and will try to turn it all around as being YOUR fault.
> I am guessing that she really did NOT ever stop the EA.
> I would also NOT leave the marital home. Have HER leave if she wants to get away from you. In some places, leaving the home can cause you issues if you decide to Divorce her.
> REALLY sorry you are going through this.


I know it is said, "To never leave the marital home, when you are the betrayed", but getting away from her to save your own mental sanity is more, the important.
That house will remind you of everything that was, and is no more. 

She is toxic and may cause you to do something rash and reportable, to the combined families, or to the law.

When it comes time to divvy up the assets, you will likely get half.... either way.

I am assuming that you have no children or they are now out of the house.

Assets are an important consideration, so is the fact that she is a cheating ass. 
Gladly separate from her ass, the assets will return to you in some measure.

See an attorney, right away.

*Your new life begins.....now, like it or not!*

Good luck.



_THRD-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Her promising not to do, _IT_, again was only a wish.
A half-hearted wish.

Her heart, the half that was supposedly yours, is much more his, and has been for some time.

The same feelings that caused her to stray, never left. 

There is a hole in her life, one that you cannot fill, because she prevents you from filling it.

She has rejected you and has latched onto a man on the phone, a man from the Ethernet.

_Fate has other plans for her,_ she has now been taken over by her dreams.

Of, another life.
Of, another man.
Of, another man's words. 

By thoughts of his kisses and his penetrating love.

This is a cycle, _a slow moving one_ that you cannot compete with.
You have been_ ex_cluded. Learn and love being that _EX_.

Ride your own cycle to another and better life with a more stable lady.
A lady who wants to lovingly bi-cycle with you.....off into the sunset.


_The Typist-_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

It's incredible that she gets upset when you catch her lying and cheating - and for the second time!!!
You need to end this marriage asap and personally, I would burn a business to the ground rather than let a lying, cheating WW have it. As for POSOM - what do you know about him? If he is married or has a significant other, she needs to know asap. Also you need to expose her cheating to family and friends. You need to get yourself out of infidelity, but I would have thought twice before leaving the home - you did not do anything wrong, she did!

You really need to get your head together - she is now the enemy and you need to treat her as such. Do not make life easier for her by moving out, letting her carry on with this POS while being married to you, keeping a business going because she wants to keep working there, feeling guilty when it is clearly not your fault etc.

Also I agree that this is probably not her first rodeo - she seems to be an accomplished serial cheater.

I could not make out the country flag in your moniker - where are you based ?


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## Corry (Sep 29, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Yes she will blame you, thats what cheaters do, ignore it. You will feel lost, its a horrible thing to happen, but once the trust is gone, there really is no marriage left. It may be best if you cut off contact with her, dont listen to her lies.


Think of yourself. I should have Left 12 years ago and I wouldn’t be here. I find no contact is best. That is the hardest thing I ever did in my life. God bless you. I’ll pray for you


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Johnyx said:


> I would rather give sufficient notice as they are a young family of 5.
> I really don’t mind my Airbnb beautiful holiday let with amazing views but somewhat small, but More than I really need at the moment.


Well despite everything, one blessing is that you have 2 homes and enough money to rent a nice place in the meantime. Few have those options and have to live with family or in some grotty bed sit.


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