# DH got kicked in the jingle balls



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

If this isn't a dose of reality, I don't know what is. Of course, I'm not in the "fog" so I'm not sure how DH is going to react by himself in the darkness of night but he would have to be a robot to not have any feeling about this one. 

He came by to pick up the kids to visit with them for the afternoon, early evening. The 3 year old will follow anyone like a goat so she just sort of toddles behind. The 7 year old was a different story. Earlier in the day, I told him he was going to see dad and have a visit and I didn't make a big deal out of it. They visit regularly. Well, he got very upset while walking out and clung to me saying that he was upset with dad and didn't want to go. First time he really put up any kind of fight. This went on for a few minutes, I hugged him and told him that he will have fun and that dad wants to see him for the holiday. Right in front of DH he says, "I want to stay here and have Christmas with MY FAMILY." Ouch. It was all I could do to fight the temptation to tell him to just go back in the house, but I did what was best and said "Daddy is part of your family." He ended up going but put up a fight. I think he is starting to realize that dad is not going to come home. When DH lied and touted this as a "trial separation", my counselor told me to tell our son that dad is going to take a break; we don't know for how long, but we will keep him informed. We haven't said anything yet about a D. But, my son starting to see it and got upset today because he wanted dad to be in our house for Christmas. Anyway, I went inside and cried like a little girl for a few minutes. Seems like the hits just keep on coming.

Despite this though, I wrapped all the gifts and am looking forward to some hot chocolate and "Christmas Story" marathon tonight with all the hoopla in the morning. The kids will have a good holiday, but it looks like - despite what DH thinks in that the kids will be perfectly "fine" and will "adjust" - they do have feelings and they do notice when their family has undergone a fundamental change. Bruce and Demi we are not ....


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

How did your H react when your son said that?

I feel your pain especially on days like this. Today I just want to close my eyes and not wake up until Jan 1. I spent the day around the apartment, then went to my parents for lunch and then came back to the apartment. I am not in the mood for anything. On top of it my family really celebrates the Orthodox Christmas(Jan 7) so today they don't do anything. They never really picked up any traditions since they came to Canada to do anything on this day. When I met my ex H I was happy to honor the Christmas tradition. I looked forward to Christmas Eve/Day, opening presents just being there with him and family. Now I dread this day. I know kick myself for allowing him to have our child over this Christmas every year. I am thinking of asking him that we alternate this holiday every year. 

Who knows if he will agree to it.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I didn't look at him. He didn't come real close to us b/c my son was holding on to me and obviously wanted me to comfort him. The H just sort of stood in the background, hopefully feeling like an ass. Again, I'm not going to sabotage their relationship and wouldn't do that to my boy. But I have to admit there was an ounce of satisfaction when this little boy - who is the most loving, affectionate kid in the world - just didn't want to go. He looked H right in the face and said, "Daddy, I made a decision that I don't want to go with you today." We got over it and he went, but again, this guy must have nothing beating in his chest to not be impacted by that. He won't ever let me see it, but I'd like to know what he thinks when he lays his head down at night. As FIL told me after I revealed the real reason for the separation, "He has no idea the damage that he's caused."


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Is his family supporting you? If they do consider yourself lucky. My Ex H family at first looked like they were supporting me but now I am being treated as if I am the one that went to sleep with another man. Enjoy your day tomorrow as much as you can and if you need to vent we are all here.


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## why do I still love him (Dec 3, 2010)

wow, I totally feel your pain. My 4 year old has been pulling the same stuff...he even told me the other day without me even so much as MENTIONING his daddy, that "its okay if daddy doesnt want to live here....I'll always protect you mommy." (heartbreak). My husband goes on and on about how everything is just fine...course, he is so caught up in his affair, and his "new life" that reality is easy to run away from at this point. 

As I was putting my sons coat on in anticipation of his arrival today, my son looks at me and a close family friend, and said, "i'm sorry I am going to (her) house mommy...i'm sorry...thats my fault." I said no it isnt baby...he said, "is it daddys fault? is it (her) fault?" I obviously know I cant respond the way I really want to...yell, scream, cry...to see the question and blame in his voice...all I could come up with is "daddy loves you and wants to see you today...mommy loves you very much too baby, you did nothing wrong." By the time husband arrived, he was crying, saying he didnt want to go...husband just was oblivious as to why, and then coaxed him by saying they were going to open presents at (her) house. I just sit numb. I cant wait for the holidays to be over...I am trying to keep my thoughts on keeping strong, trusting in the process, and in the Lord, and being the voice of reason to my baby as best I know how. :/


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

Thanks so much - you too! I don't know what I would do without this site. 

As far as H's family, it's a very small family. We were never really close b/c they live far away. MIL has passed away, but FIL got in touch with me and had NO IDEA that we were separated. I think that's part of what made H snap - the feeling really crappy about himself and his relationship with his father that took a nose dive after MIL died. Anyway, FIL basically said he was so sorry for the man that H had become. He said that he is sick at the thought of the children being without their dad and that he has permanently damaged the most important relationships of his life. He gets it. He said that whatever punishment I chose is deserved. Anyway, try to have a good day tomorrow and keep busy. Next year will hopefully be much better!!! Goodbye 2010!


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

wow, I totally feel your pain. My 4 year old has been pulling the same stuff...he even told me the other day without me even so much as MENTIONING his daddy, that "its okay if daddy doesnt want to live here....I'll always protect you mommy." (heartbreak). My husband goes on and on about how everything is just fine...course, he is so caught up in his affair, and his "new life" that reality is easy to run away from at this point. 

As I was putting my sons coat on in anticipation of his arrival today, my son looks at me and a close family friend, and said, "i'm sorry I am going to (her) house mommy...i'm sorry...thats my fault." I said no it isnt baby...he said, "is it daddys fault? is it (her) fault?" I obviously know I cant respond the way I really want to...yell, scream, cry...to see the question and blame in his voice...all I could come up with is "daddy loves you and wants to see you today...mommy loves you very much too baby, you did nothing wrong." By the time husband arrived, he was crying, saying he didnt want to go...husband just was oblivious as to why, and then coaxed him by saying they were going to open presents at (her) house. I just sit numb. I cant wait for the holidays to be over...I am trying to keep my thoughts on keeping strong, trusting in the process, and in the Lord, and being the voice of reason to my baby as best I know how. :/ 

You did the right thing - these babies don't need the stress of having to choose between their parents no matter how much we want to tell them what a POS the other parent is. Stay strong and just keep on course - we will all be doing better next year. As a friend of mine said - pinkie swear!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

What good people you are, helping your kids through this with such grace. God has a special reward for you, I'm sure. You are giving your kids the best Xmas gift EVER and they may never know, or may not realize it for years. But you will know and I hope you take strength for yourselves from the way you show strength for your kids.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I feel very sorry for you and your children. 

Getting married is a choice made by a couple.
Divorce is also a choice made by a couple.

You might want to know why you lost your husband to the OW, not for winning him back of course, he's a jerk to you now. Just to understand the whole picture where he got this nerve. Face the ugly truth, grow strong & move on.


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