# Major Problems with My Mom/Siblings and my Husband



## potter (Jul 29, 2011)

I am 39 years old and have 2 boys 5 & 8. I have been married for 20 years and been together for 22 years. I have one sister 10 years younger and one brother 3 years younger.

Long story short, my parents never liked my Husband. My father never even went to the wedding. Over the years things got a little better (my mother thought he was taking me away from her). Anyway, my mother is a very needy person, and I am not. She calls every day. When I had my son things got strained. She watched him for me 3 x's a week. Did nothing we asked of her, and she would lie. She was very rude to my husband all the time. Around the time my first son was 2, I got in a very big fight with my sister (very spoiled and selfish) and my mother chose sides. This of course strained our relationship even further. Then about 1 year after that, My brother had stayed out of the issue, until he was to get married. Wrote me in an email to "get over the issue with my sister" but of course not asking her to do so.(which she started) then tells me that he doesn't want to have either of us in the wedding because my SISTER is going to feel uncomfortable. I got angry and said forget it, I won't be there at all. Again, only caring about her feelings, when it was there day, get over it. I had no problem standing up there with her, its not about her its about their wedding.

well I never went, didn't end up talking to either until 1 year later when my father had a cancer scare and I decided that I wanted him to be happy, so I intiated contact. (no apology from them mind you). Ever since then, there has been constant friction, mostly with my mom and my husband. She is constantly yelling at him, or belittling him. In front of my kids. This last weeked essentially has brought me back 3 years ago.

Side note: my mom watches my sister's kids ALL THE TIME. 3 to 4x's a week. , Never watches mine or even asks to.

My relative came up to see my parents with her niece whom my son likes to play with, he was going to spend the night at my mom's at her request. He was so excited. Towards the end of the night, she decides she's too tired (mind you my aunt was there taking care of them and he's 8) I freaked. I asked her what the story was and she said "oh just forget it" Now she said this to my husband first. I said I am not going to dissapoint him after you said he could come. So Later on, my husband was going to light fireworks at the request of my Brother in law(was his party) and my mother stands up and say's" no your not, your not lighting any fireworks here!) that was the last straw with my husband. 

Since then, We later found out that my BROTHER had my SISTER in the wedding after pushing me aside and putting me through that for my sister's feelings, only to have her in the wedding after all!!!

I am so so hurt that they did that. That I had a miscarriage over the entire thing back in 2004, and yet here we go again.

Where do I go from here? I feel guilt for not letting my kids see her anymore, but yet how can I. She continuely hurts me and my husband and my eldest sees this. I am the one that has always been there for my parents~

Example~ my mom had chest pains, so I insisted she go to the dr.s. I drove 30 minutes to get her and take her to the ER. My sister is literally 5 minutes away, and text's me if she should come by?????? are you kidding???? I told her you do what you feel you need to, Im not going to tell you if you should come. (this happend in the fall).

My husband wants a "pow wow" with everyone. He actually called up my brother in law to get a straight answer (not my brother, my sister's husband) and he said he was told not to talk to my husband or answer the phone if he called!!! Can you believe it???

So what now, Im emotionally drained and don't know what to do. My mother isn't going to changed, and I can't let it effect my relationship with my husband anymore.

Please help


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Your story sounds like so many I have read on Adult Children of Narcissists, a yahoo user group for people who were raised by Narcissistic parents.

All the controlling, manipulating, guilting, and conniving behaviors you describe are hallmarks of a narcissistic family dynamic.

Your best bet is to do what you are doing - keep your kids and family away from all of the dysfunction. Haven't you noticed that when you don't engage with them that your life is calmer and more peaceful? Haven't you noticed that your marriage gets better when you have NC with your N parents and N siblings?

I would encourage you to search for the Yahoo usergroup "Adult Children of Narcissists". They have a very large, active and incredibly supportive forum. If you post your story there, you will get 10 people sharing similar stories within an hour or two.

It helps to get more information about what you are dealing with so that you can stop feeling so crazy. Your family has a screwy dynamic! It's not you!


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## potter (Jul 29, 2011)

Thank you laura, I appreciate it and will do that. Things are no better unfortunately.

My sister texted me to see "are u ok" and when I tell her what's wrong, she cuts me off and says I don't care if you are mad at me, but don't not talk to Mommy.

I told her that it was none of her business and if you can't apologize to me then that's pretty sad.


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## potter (Jul 29, 2011)

So I confronted my mother. Basically speaking about everything that was feeling and that I needed to draw boundaries with her. She flipped out and said that she will not talk to my husband anymore, and that im not a perfect mother.

Then she said I have helped you physically,emotionally and finacnially and all you do is hurt me. Im done with you and hung up on me. Also told me that my husband has issues and that he acts like he's 10.

My mother yes has helped me financially (my husband did work for someone and owes us over 100k). But We paid her back. My mother has maybe listened to me complain about work problems, but never anything else. She never helps me with my kids, nor does she offer because she is always at my sisters.

How can I win?? I can't tell her anything about me being upset without her flying off the handle. So I guess im supposed to eat crow because she thinks in her mind she has helped me out so much???? So her treating my husband like crap is acceptable???

I am an absoulute mess. I haven't been able to stop crying. My small children don't understand what is happening. So not I know for sure my sister or brother won't be talking to me either now, because she will go crying to them. and now she has wrote me off.

Please please please help


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