# Help



## OatmealKisses (Jul 12, 2011)

My husband thinks all money is his money because he works and I don't. I have been very sick this whole pregnancy and unable to work. He still throws it in my face when I need something for the baby that I need to get a job or ask my parents to pay. He spends through money like crazy for himself and put us in debt. In addition, he spent through everything he earned at this new job. 

Before we got married I told him I wanted to be a SAHM for at least a year after having our baby while still continuing college. Now we have debt and we are squeezed. I won't be able to go back to college. I told him I plan on watching 2 kids for extra income from home after I have this baby, which is the limit you can watch without needing to be licensed by the state.

I am at a lose. I'm beyond mad at him, depressed, betrayed, and a zillion other things. The thought of leaving runs through my mind several times a day everyday. Some days it runs through my mind even when he hasn't done anything bad that day. Some days the anger and sadness are there from thinking about all the things he's done in the very recent past. I have tried talking to him about it and he just tells me not to keep bringing up all the things he has done. He tells me to stop dwelling on it. I feel like I'm dwelling on it because of how he views the money as his. 

I want to make this work and he says he DOES NOT want me to go, but living like this is not right. Some days I see he's trying and others he just isn't. Even if I did leave I have no where to go. 

I know I'm making him sound evil. He isn't. He has an addictive personality. He's an alcoholic and a out-of-control spender.


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## OatmealKisses (Jul 12, 2011)

Anyone?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Has he always been this way with money? I generally dont think any person is doing anything to intentionally hurt, or be mean to, someone else. So, in your H's case I dont think he is doing what he's doing to hurt you and he obviously feels justified in his reasons. It is more important to ask why he feels justified in withholding money from you. Is there a reason? There has to be. Men are very simple creatures. They respond to incidence much like children so there was some cause to get this effect. What happened? I find that in your case, being that he is withholding while you are pregnant, that the reason must be a very strong one.


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## OatmealKisses (Jul 12, 2011)

Honestly, I don't know why he is this way. When we were dating, and into the beginning of our marriage, he wasn't working and I was the one paying for everything. I didn't withhold money from him in any way. Actually, I wish I would have because he blow through all my savings. Some of it was unavoidable, moving expenses, but most of it was avoidable. I *know* now that some of this has to do with the fact that he just does NOT know how to manage money. However, I feel like some days he wants to get better at it, and some days he completely doesn't. 

I have not made any bad financial decisions in the whole time I've known him, if that's what you mean. The only thing I can think of is that he was this way before I met him and I didn't realize it because I was paying. 

I completely do think he resents me for not working though.....so maybe that's just it.


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## Malibu (Nov 4, 2011)

Wow, I can relate quite a bit to your post except that my husband has wanted me to be at home with our four kids until recently because we are in a crazy debt situation for similar reasons you stated. 

I hate to say it, but I think it does come down to his mindset. He is obviously not of the same belief as you about staying home/ working. I'm really curious how his behavior would change were you to go back to work. Not that I recommend that, because I don't think that's ideal. I think my husband has an addictive personality too because he just goes on these binges where he just feels he HAS to have this or that right when he wants it. I feel I have no control in the matter at all about where the money goes. I know your husband is not evil, I just think it is a simple matter of needing to grow up and learning to think of others first. He obviously believes without a shadow of a doubt that his way of thinking is the correct view on it. I do know prayer can sometimes help bring a change of heart to people to see things from a different perspective when their perspective truly is not right.


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

I agree that he has to have the same mindset as you about you being a SAHM. Have you explained to him how much in childcare you save in childcare expenses by staying at home with your child. I know for us, me going to work and paying for my child to be in childcare made no sense as thats all my income would pay for, for her to be in daycare. Or, maybe he's willing to pay for childcare while you work. This is something you have to consider, as much as you may want to be a SAHM, as much as he has to be in agreement with you, you have to be in agreement with him. I must admit though, staying at home for a year is not that bad. He definitely must know that there are some women that have kids and never go back to work (absolutely refuse to.)


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