# Gathering evidence...



## Mason77 (Aug 13, 2009)

Long story short, I came on here looking for advice years ago. Implemented some things and my marriage did get better for awhile.

Long story short...I found out recently that my wife had sent inappropriate text messages to a co-worker. My mistake was confronting her on it. She apologized, said it would never happen again, etc. However, they still work together. I began having suspicions again and looked up the phone bill history and sure enough, she initiates every contact with him 99% of the time in the morning while I am at work, instead of middle of the night when I was sleeping before. I don't know if this EA has gone physical yet, and am trying to find a way to find out. We both work crazy hours, we are ships passing in the day, when I get home she leaves for work and I watch the kids until she gets home. I have kept track lately of the milage and nothing seems out of the ordinary. One kid is in school, the others are home with her during the day.

I have found sections of text messages deleted from her phone when I compare it to the bill, so I know she's hiding something again. We are so broke for money it's not even funny, and I cannot borrow any from anyone. Short of trying to save what I can to get a VAR or something is there any advice or anything on how to get more info, etc. Cheap RELIABLE keyloggers, gps, etc.

I tried installing a free keylogger on my phone as a test and it sucked. Glad I didn't try to do it on her phone. She does not have her phone password protected, maybe as a front to steer away suspicion. She thinks she's being sneaky but she's not. I don't want to tip my hand and let her know I'm on to her again.

Any advice is appreciated.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What kind of phone does she have?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

voice recorder - Walmart.com


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## Mason77 (Aug 13, 2009)

Samsung Infuse


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

"I have kept track lately of the milage and nothing seems out of the ordinary."

Mileage can be stopped on odometer by removing fuse and then reinserting to start odometer again.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Somone could be picking her up. Meetups in parking lots are all to common. Could also be at work.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Search google to recover messages for that phone. I did not see much but did not look long. Here is one excerpt:

*1. you are correct about the internal memory. but sim save is an option for sms. 
2. mms can't be saved to the sim. never could never will. they are too limited in size. 
3. the history tab in your contact list will let you read the first line of a text even if you deleted the text, if you haven't deleted the call log. 
4. use the lock option for individual texts. 
5. save your photos. 
6. forward texts to an email account if they are that important to you. ]/B]

Look at #6. maybe you can have them forwarded to your email.

Have you checked phone bill to see who is she is textng/calling?*


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## Mason77 (Aug 13, 2009)

kenmoore14217-

Is this something that can be done fairly fast on a 10+ year old car?

chapparal-

This is one of my fears. It's trying to catch her in a lie...like when she says she's getting a drink after work with friends or co-workers that concerns me. The VAR at Walmart I will have to pick up. All our finances are shared, so I don't want to do anything that will raise suspicion. She may have access to cash since she gets tips. No way to really track that. I don't think she has a pay-as-you-go phone yet, since she's still deleting text history in her main phone.

Head is spinning trying to make sense of all this...


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## Mason77 (Aug 13, 2009)

chapparal-

Yes, I know the guy. I have his cell phone number, I don't know where he lives, I do know he has a family as well.

As much as I would like to wait for him after work and beat his ass, I don't want to blow things up yet. I want concrete evidence.

"3. the history tab in your contact list will let you read the first line of a text even if you deleted the text, if you haven't deleted the call log." Her texting is mms. I looked into this and she must be cherry picking sections of her text history to delete in both places, because when I compare it to the phone bill, there are roughly 20 texts missing from a particular conversation.

I'll have to see if there is a way to have them forwarded to me without her knowledge. She is relatively tech-savvy.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Mason77 said:


> We both work crazy hours, we are ships passing in the day, when I get home she leaves for work and I watch the kids until she gets home. I have kept track lately of the milage and nothing seems out of the ordinary. One kid is in school, the others are home with her during the day.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


She needs to find a day job. 

Also, try to fix the financial issues. 

If she is not already cheating, she is planning to.

When women cheat they affair up, and when men cheat they affair down. 

Woman who stray or often looking for a higher wage earner. Men who stray or often only looking for sex and take what is available due to opportnunity.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

remorseful strayer said:


> *When women cheat they affair up*, and when men cheat they affair down.


To this day I'm still trying to figure out how a married woman getting involved with a man that is perfectly willing to destroy another man's marriage and family could be considered marrying up.

To me, it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to marry up under these circumstances.


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## StickMan1 (Dec 15, 2012)

I know _exactly_ what you are going through. Comparing texts on phone to texts on bills, etc. 

I installed an SMS backup program on my wife's phone called 'SMS Backup +'. It's an android app that will routinely backup all incoming and outgoing SMS/MMS to a specified email (your email). 

In my case, most of the interaction was nothing much, but this app gave me enough to know that they were in dangerous waters.

Good luck. So sorry you're going through this, I know exactly how you feel.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Mason77 said:


> chapparal-
> 
> Yes, I know the guy. I have his cell phone number, I don't know where he lives, I do know he has a family as well.
> 
> ...


Try looking up the cell number on spokeo.com. Nothing will turn up if it is a pay as u go phone though.

If you have his name also it might give you his address and family members.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

What type of work does she do?

Is her workplace easy to check up on with lots of windows and light inside?

Do you know anyone at her workplace?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

If you haven't already visit the thread in a my sig. I don't have a lot of time like i used to so I generally just get on here to answer questions and lurk.


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## Mason77 (Aug 13, 2009)

StickMan1- 

sms back up app...this sounds intriguing. Does it show up in her apps list? If it's anything that's downloaded through google play store it will leave a trail...I need it to not leave any clue that it is forwarding her texts to my e-mail. And before anyone asks, our phones are a joint account in my name. No legal issues there.

chapparal-
Tried Spokeo, it says it found a match, but wants a credit card # and $5 to get the answer. Can't do that, and can't open a card in my name since I just went through bankruptcy 6 months ago.

I do know most of her co-workers...all cheaters themselves by the way. I've heard the stories from her about their affairs. I do know where she works...I've had dinner there many times. Everyone there knows me too. Such a fool I've been.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Try zabasearch or other people search sites as well.

Well if she works with those types of people it was only a matter of time before she became one of them. 

Since they all cheat, I'm sure they'll cover for each other for 20-30 mins daily to get their needs met in one of the back rooms or in there cars.

Since they work together, I don't think they'll text each other too much detail as they can say it face to face. You need physical surveillance.


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## N_chanted (Nov 11, 2012)

Mason77 said:


> StickMan1-
> 
> sms back up app...this sounds intriguing. Does it show up in her apps list? If it's anything that's downloaded through google play store it will leave a trail...I need it to not leave any clue that it is forwarding her texts to my e-mail. And before anyone asks, our phones are a joint account in my name. No legal issues there.
> 
> ...



i have a paid spokeo account. if you PM me, i can give you the info!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

BrokenHearted_kitten said:


> i have a paid spokeo account. if you PM me, i can give you the info!


BAM! 

See...this is just one of the many reasons I like this place.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

3putt said:


> To this day I'm still trying to figure out how a married woman getting involved with a man that is perfectly willing to destroy another man's marriage and family could be considered marrying up.
> 
> To me, it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to marry up under these circumstances.


When I say "marrying up," it is meant to convey the mindset of the straying spouse.

It goes without saying that both straying spouse are doing something that suggests low moral character, at least in the moment, and if they never wake up and see their own faults.

The term "affair up" means the straying women somehow believes the affair partner is a move up. It could be looks, money, or attention or all three. 

When a man cheats, he is most often only interested in sex and ego validation. So if a women, not as attractive as his wife, offers no strings sex and flatters and flirts a man will take the opportunity. 

I found out the hard way though that even when a women promises no strings sex, she really secretly wants more. 

My Affair partner was attracted to my salary, and was hoping to break up my marriage thinking I would marry her.

I definitely affaired down, in my mind, but took the no-strings sex bait.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

RS, I didn't mean to imply that this was your personal belief, just that it's incredulous that ANY wayward could convince themselves that they actually are marrying up.

Of course, waywards will convince themselves of just about anything to "justify" their actions and put their guilty consciences to rest, so why not this as well.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Mason77 said:


> StickMan1-
> 
> sms back up app...this sounds intriguing. Does it show up in her apps list? If it's anything that's downloaded through google play store it will leave a trail...I need it to not leave any clue that it is forwarding her texts to my e-mail. And before anyone asks, our phones are a joint account in my name. No legal issues there.
> 
> ...


Go to the grocery store and buy a low denomination pre-paid cash card & use that for the online transaction.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

MarriedTex said:


> Go to the grocery store and buy a low denomination pre-paid cash card & use that for the online transaction.


But make sure it's a credit card w/ the PIN on the back and not some gift card. I know someone that scraped together what little cash he could get his hands on and bought the wrong one by mistake and it was useless for his needs. It's an easy mistake to make.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

3putt said:


> But make sure it's a credit card w/ the PIN on the back and not some gift card. I know someone that scraped together what little cash he could get his hands on and bought the wrong one by mistake and it was useless for his needs. It's an easy mistake to make.


Yes. Look for a VISA or MasterCard logo on it.


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## N_chanted (Nov 11, 2012)

Cdelta02 said:


> Yes. Look for a VISA or MasterCard logo on it.


Greendot and Walmart all have prepaid visa. 

Mason77, I'm sorry that spokeo didnt have exactly what you were looking for. My other offer stands though.

oh, just a thought....sprint does not have a pre-paid service. Virgin Mobile rides their network and is pre-paid. of Course if the number was previously ported, sometimes the info given is with the original phone company and not the current provider.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

sure, fuse box is right under dash by drivers left knee and much easier in older vehicles


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## frozen (Mar 5, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?p=1010778

Phone Control works well. PM me for more info.


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## Mason77 (Aug 13, 2009)

Phone control I will look into, getting the phone for a period of time to install and make sure tracks are covered...that could be an issue.

I'm currently saving for a VAR, should hopefully have enough to get one within the next week. (Yes, money is that tight.)

Keeping track in a journal of times, coming and goings, matching phone records...basically playing a damn undercover PI for the holidays. Merry Christmas to me. 

Worst part is having to play stupid and pretend. I don't want to tip my hand and have them really go underground with this. 

Thanks for your help everyone. I'm still open to any and all suggestions.


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## Mason77 (Aug 13, 2009)

Okay, last night she was off of work and had her phone plugged into the computer while she was trying to put music on her phone. After while she got up to go to the bathroom, when she did I went over to the computer and copied her entire phone over to an external hard drive we have hooked up to the desktop computer. I haven't had a chance to really look on the hard drive where all her phone files are backed up, but the whole transfer only took a few minutes and about 2GB. 

I guess what I am wondering is if there is any way to find old deleted texts or anything in this manner. The only catch is that we have an older imac, so it all resides in an external hooked up to a mac.

Probably won't be able to get a VAR until after Christmas next week. As she literally has the phone surgically attached to her, this was the best quick thinking move I could pull off in the few short minutes I had.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

iPhone Backup Extractor for Windows and Mac


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## Mason77 (Aug 13, 2009)

The only catch is that she has an Android phone and she does not have itunes on the phone. Is that still going to work?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Mason77 said:


> Okay, last night she was off of work and had her phone plugged into the computer while she was trying to put music on her phone. After while she got up to go to the bathroom, when she did I went over to the computer and copied her entire phone over to an external hard drive we have hooked up to the desktop computer. I haven't had a chance to really look on the hard drive where all her phone files are backed up, but the whole transfer only took a few minutes and about 2GB.
> 
> I guess what I am wondering is if there is any way to find old deleted texts or anything in this manner. The only catch is that we have an older imac, so it all resides in an external hooked up to a mac.
> 
> ...



Next time you have access to her for try recovering deleted media(pictures and video) from her media card(internal memory and sd card)... Recuva is one such software but it is pretty basic. There are more better paid software out there but you might want to try it on your phone(sd card) before you try it on hers


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Mason77 said:


> The only catch is that she has an Android phone and she does not have itunes on the phone. Is that still going to work?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

OP, let's take a step back here... Why exactly are you going through all this effort of getting the smoking gun on your wife?

You are clearly very unhappy in this relationship. The problems probably run much deeper than a probable affair. How much longer are you going to try to find what you need? Even if you do find it, would that change how you deal with your marriage?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

DTO said:


> OP, let's take a step back here... Why exactly are you going through all this effort of getting the smoking gun on your wife?
> 
> You are clearly very unhappy in this relationship. The problems probably run much deeper than a probable affair. How much longer are you going to try to find what you need? Even if you do find it, would that change how you deal with your marriage?


Sometimes finding what you need has nothing to do with dealing with your marriage, but rather dealing with the confidence in taking that next painful step, that can only be done with the evidence OP gets.

This crap ain't easy and it takes a smoking gun to validate the unthinkable step that needs to be taken for OP's self and not his marriage.

So yes finding what he needs to know has every thing to do with how he handles his marriage.

I can only hope her secret little behavior has more to do with buy his xmas present then cheating again.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

BTW, I wish money was tight, that would mean I had money to be tight with. LOL
But as long as I can keep the power on and the cable going I will be here at TAM


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