# Discrepancies in Sexual Desire



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

About 1 in 3 women will experience low sexual desire in their life, while 1 in 6 men will experience low sexual desire in their life.






Secular Sexuality 09.15 with Christy Powell and Dr. Renee


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I'm now a bit over 30 minutes through this, and for those with problems and even those without, it's a so far a helpful discussion.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I currently experience it.

There’s no one eliciting a sexual response, and I have no one to direct sexual energy towards, so hibernation seems to come naturally.

I’m quite content. ☺


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

There are also 4 book recommendations that have come out of this at the end.

They are as follows:

Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel, for those interested in keeping the flame of passion alive.

Rekindling Desire by Barry McCardy, for those interested in not taking one road to sharing better sexual relationship outcomes.

Reclaiming Desire by Andrew Goldstein, for those interested in reading about hormones and how they effect desire.

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, for those interested in wanting to step outside of monogamy safely, and how to discuss it with ones partner to help avoid relationship breakup.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

minimalME said:


> I currently experience it.
> 
> There’s no one eliciting a sexual response, and I have no one to direct sexual energy towards, so hibernation seems to come naturally.
> 
> I’m quite content. ☺


Yes once I enter this state, I don’t think about sex and become purely responsive desire.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> Yes once I enter this state, I don’t think about sex and become purely responsive desire.


😮 a state of zen I hope never to achieve!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 😮 a state of zen I hope never to achieve!


I do, actually... because when you still have a high drive and no sexual partner any more, I can assure you it's not a happy place to be.


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## Goodbye (May 16, 2021)

Good video, although I couldn't relate to much of it, since they appeared to be referring to situations where there was no disparity at the start of the relationship but the gap widened as time went on. My situation was sexual discrepancy from the start of the relationship. A large discrepancy. What could be the causes of that and what are the solutions? Because this to me feels like an incompatibility where marriage should be avoided. But if you don't realise it until you are married, then what? 
Anyway, a few things they said in the video can be relevant to this situation, such as avoiding the blaming and to not talk about it in the bedroom.
It's a shame they only took two calls. I find real life examples far more helpful than the theoretical discussions without a case study.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Two of those books, Reclaiming Desire and Rekindling Desire, seem potentially helpful to my situation, and not like others I’ve come across. Definitely going to give them a read, as long as I’m giving other things a bit more time to play out.

Mating in Captivity was a good read, offering some perspective (which people seem to find useful or destructive, depending), but I didn’t glean any actionable insights for the sex and intimacy-starved partner.

Thanks for the info, @Personal!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Anastasia6 said:


> Yes once I enter this state, I don’t think about sex and become purely responsive desire.


You would equate responsive desire with hibernation? In responsive desire, there's a willingness to go along with something that could elicit a response. Hibernation, I'm thinking, leave me alone, just let me sleep. Those two feel different to me.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> You would equate responsive desire with hibernation? In responsive desire, there's a willingness to go along with something that could elicit a response. Hibernation, I'm thinking, leave me alone, just let me sleep. Those two feel different to me.


I do. 

Hibernation isn't leave me alone. There's simply no sexual energy, so I'm content.

If I was around active testosterone, desire wouldn't be a problem at all. 😂


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

minimalME said:


> I do.
> 
> Hibernation isn't leave me alone. There's simply no sexual energy, so I'm content.
> 
> If I was around active testosterone, desire wouldn't be a problem at all. 😂


That’s more Sleeping Beauty than hibernating bear!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> That’s more Sleeping Beauty than hibernating bear!


I like that! 🤗 💕


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Casual Observer said:


> You would equate responsive desire with hibernation? In responsive desire, there's a willingness to go along with something that could elicit a response. Hibernation, I'm thinking, leave me alone, just let me sleep. Those two feel different to me.


You know before I understood responsive desire it was a chance either way of accepting advances or not. That being said my husband wasn’t a strong initiator. But if you have zero thoughts and you aren’t turned on and your tired then you go to sleep. 

Now that I understand responsive desire then yes I will accept advances almost all the time.

But it was never leave me alone. Back then his initiation was a light rub of my shoulder. I am not sure I even understood some of the time if he was initiating or just saying goodnight.

The sleeping beautyis a good analogy. Had he started kissing me and rubbing me then there would be new life.


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