# Solution??- Husband up and left



## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

Ok please let me know if I'm crazy..Over the weekend, I actually hung out with my husband that has been gone now over 2 months. He was himself and I was me. We talked about everything, the other girl and what he had done. It's a fling and he wants to be single basically, yet he still has feelings for me and he misses me. Well we were hanging out and he got flirtatious and one thing led to another...YEP! He said he missed holding me but didn't want to hurt me. We hung out the rest of the day, that was that. We never really got to the point in the discussion of what to do next. That is supposed to come this week. Honestly I love him with all my heart and want him with me...but what if I could have him with him taking care of himself. Not so bad. He's alot to handle. Two ways to approach this...tell him there's no pressure in coming back right now. Come hang out with me and if he wants come over some times,cool. I am trying to just be friends with him and not discuss money and all that crap. Yet I can't pay for all his stuff by myself. I get the companionship, "good stuff", and he can have his little bit of freedom trying to make it on his own. The other girl wont last , we talked about that, she has already pissed him off that took me years to get him to that point. So basically, we can both have the best of both worlds...not really the correct married way at this point and see where it goes. or tell him get rid of her if he wants to be truely single, and me and him hang out with no strings for awhile... guess before I was trying for a quick fix for him to come back immediately.. Thoughts???


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

You are in dangerous water as he can have his cake and eat it too. When you get the milk why buy the cow?

draconis


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## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

After thinking about things. I think after this weekend this is where I am at. I am thinking of telling him. Look I think the seperation is a good thing right now. I only want us to be friends right now, no more arguing. (It was nice to just hang out with him this weekend) No strings. Just get things done that need to be taken care of and hang out some times. No pressure. He told me some feelings this weekend. I know he's not completely set on giving me up completely. Just don't be a stranger...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

The sad fact is you can't make people feel the way you want them to feel. You sincerely love your husband and would like to have him back but he isn't in a place to decide right now. My suggestion is to keep with the idea you have and work on yourself in the mean time.

draconis


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## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

Well thats what I am trying to do. Keep my mind off the situation but it's so hard. He got into some major drama with this girl and her ex-husband over the weekend that resulted in her vehicle getting recked. I don't want any of that drama. He said he was coming into town Monday and working with one of his clients all week. Not a word from him. Not sure if it's due to what happened with me and him this weekend or what. a little, he held me and said he missed holding me so much. Just want to see if he is ok. I didn't call him at all yesterday. He needs stuff from our house this week for his work so I figured he will call when he needs something. I want to call but don't want to seem like I am chasing. I don't think a call will hurt, just checking in in a friendly way. Seems he is getting himself into some issues and I know I can't do anything but let him do it and if he messes up it happens. He has alot more to loose than me if he gets in the wrong kind of trouble.


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## gold907 (Jul 7, 2008)

I know you love your husband very much but you have to be strong and let him be, let him call if he needs something, really try to back off because he has to decide for himself what he truly wants on his own. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who only half wants you with a half heart, do you think that is what you are willing to live with? Since he is thinking about himself, you should do so also, really evaluate what you want not only in this relationship but out of life in general because this is a good time to establish that. Like Draconis said if you give in all the time, he will continue to think he can have you and anyone else he wants on the side. He's a grown man let him take care of himself without your help and see what happens. In the mean time you have to find friends or family to hang out with and do stuff to help get your mind off of him temporarily. I know it hurts but you really have to give him space and try to let go for now.


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## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

I know. Now the hard part comes. I have to nicely figure out a way to deal with the cell phone and auto insurance. He left and on my own I can't afford it. He can't afford what he's even doing right now I think. Tough love, alot say he will get mad but he will get over it. I just need to tell him calmly that I can't afford it and give him a time frame of which to get the insurance in his name. That one is easier to deal with. The phone will really screw with him. It's his line with his work. I can give him a time frame on that and if he doesn't I can freeze it till he pays. Just hate being so ugly...any other ideas? It's nice us not fighting but he's not helping a whole lot. He is worried too much with other distractions.


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## Mrs. Negestie (Jul 15, 2008)

I was just wondering how long have you guys been together before marriage and how long have you been married?


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## Mrs. Negestie (Jul 15, 2008)

I am really new and just excuse me if i come off the wrong way


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## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

Together for over 4 years, married two and he was on the road on and off for accumulation of nearly a year.


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## Mrs. Negestie (Jul 15, 2008)

Maybe you need to start all over from the start getting to know each other and see what happens from there but my only advice is to take it slow the second time around


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## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

Not sure if that's possible, when he won't step away from Miss Thang. He is getting him self in some deep troubled waters of Drama. He isn't thinking at all. Only thing alot have said is to stand back let him do and then be his friend when he finally wakes and may need me...still hard to wait though.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

The best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself. Try to do things that you enjoy...new hobbies, etc. When he sees you are confident on your own he may start to think twice about what he really wants long-term if he knows you aren't just waiting in the wings for him, but the more you keep busy the less you will think about him and the more confident you will become.


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## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

Yes. I just read up on Mid-life crisis. It states that not to push...just let them run the course. How crappy!! LOL. Glad my financial issues with him that he needs to take care of are minor...


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## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

Geez you guys, today is hard. He is in town with HER! I haven't called at all. The tears just wont stop sometimes seems like. Feeling sick and just want to leave work and go home. I just wish I knew if me not calling is making him think or not...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

This is one of the reasons you should be working on yourself as an individual. You need to take care of yourself right now and not worry about the "us" aspect.

draconis


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## Triton (Jul 8, 2008)

Look every marriage is different. It is obvious that you have alot of feelings for him ( after 4 years). If he is trying to date you -again- with the "one thing lead to another"-just roll with it. It is better than "Cold Turkey ". Also, if you all have been together for 4 years -just ask him about the " Minor " financial issues. I read some place that "Breaking Up " is almost like kicking an addiction. So take it slow.


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## dscowgirl (Jul 1, 2008)

We talked about the financials. He said go ahead and cancel insurance and he get a different one. Said to let him know a time frame on the phone but he'll keep the number for business. He still doesn't have a stable place to live. Has been staying in hotels here and there. Wasting his money..but he is going to pay me for what he owes it may be here and there but its something. I honestly feel he is playing both sides , her for the fun and her daddy's money and me for the anchor of stability he knows he has with me. There haven't been any tears really today. Healing? Not sure just weird!


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