# Not attracted



## QWERTY001 (Jul 12, 2015)

Hello,

I am a 34 y/o man who has been with his wife for 13 years, but only 1 year married.

I am no longer sexually attracted to my wife. I am intellectually attracted. Im spiritually attracted.

I love her entirely. I love everything about her. But i generally do not want to **** her.

Sometimes i do, but generally im not sexually aroused by her.

Its a hard scenario to love someone so dearly but have a fundamental problem like this in the way of a serious and lasting relationship.

If someone has any insights here id love to hear. 

THANKS
ANON


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

QWERTY001 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am a 34 y/o man who has been with his wife for 13 years, but only 1 year married.
> 
> ...


Dude is thirteen years not long enough to figure this sh!t out and not marry someone you're not attracted to? You made your choice last year.


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## SouthernBelle822 (Jul 8, 2015)

Can you be more specific on the reasons why you feel you're not sexually attracted to her? Are there particular physical characteristics about her or things that she does that turns you off? Do you find yourself attracted to other people and/or interested in sex, just not with her, or do you struggle with low libido? Is she complaining that there isn't enough sex in the relationship, or that she feels that you're not attracted to her?


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## QWERTY001 (Jul 12, 2015)

Hey Thundarr

I think you have misunderstood my post. I specified 'no longer'. 

Its been 13 years, so my relationship has evolved from having a strong attraction to less of one.

My marriage is just another step in our relationship, i made my choice many years ago.


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## QWERTY001 (Jul 12, 2015)

Hey SouthernBelle822,

Sure. If im 100% honest, yes, i dont find her hugely physically attractive. Im not sure if i ever did. 

She is a good looking woman but far from a supermodel. What she lacks in the physical realm she makes up for in spirit and intellect, and in that regard she is a 10/10.

Answers to questions below:

Can you be more specific on the reasons why you feel you're not sexually attracted to her? 

Not finding her physically attractive...

Are there particular physical characteristics about her or things that she does that turns you off? 

She has always carried a little extra weight...

Do you find yourself attracted to other people and/or interested in sex, just not with her, or do you struggle with low libido? 

Yes i do, and yes i do but its hard to know if thats due to the situation.

Is she complaining that there isn't enough sex in the relationship, or that she feels that you're not attracted to her?

Yes.

Thanks for your response!


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

Have you always been the initiator? Did you receive one too many rejections that may have turned you off?
Did you have a heath sex life up until a few years ago? Both fulfilled with type and frequency?
Are you seeing your wife in a new light due to some event in the mariage. Kids? Health issues?


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## SouthernBelle822 (Jul 8, 2015)

QWERTY001 said:


> Hey SouthernBelle822,
> 
> Sure. If im 100% honest, yes, i dont find her hugely physically attractive. Im not sure if i ever did.
> 
> ...


So then, what you really need is a way to gently tell her that her weight is an issue - perhaps even the primary issue - and a way to get her to embrace the changes necessary to do something about it. I'm actually struggling with a similar issue regarding my husband (although more about concerns for his health than attraction). I won't lie, this is a sticky subject to address in a tactful way. You don't want to damage her self-esteem, but you also want her to know the truth so that, if she cares about your feelings, she can do something about it.

How much weight does she need to lose, and how healthy are her habits (diet, exercise, etc.)? Are you into health and fitness?


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

QWERTY001 said:


> so my relationship has evolved from having a strong attraction to less of one.





QWERTY001 said:


> i dont find her hugely physically attractive. Im not sure if i ever did.


So which is it?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

So, who is the attractive woman giving you second thoughts?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Mr 3 Posts.........


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Well, not all powerful men need to go after beauty.....


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I call BS on this thread.. Because someone just can't be this retarded and dense and such an utter a$$ all in one.. 

I hope your soon to be ex wife loses all this "weight" and becomes that supermodel and fvcks all your friends.. Then I hope all your friends tell you how hot and sexual dynamo she was in bed.. 

You wasted 13 years of this person's fvcking life and now its about you.. You shallow piece of crap.. 

Please show us your brad pitt body and looks and money.

Look I can understand if she was angelina Jolie and now turned into Melissa McCarthy... But even then you should have said something along the way from Point A to point B and NOT at point C...

But come on really, this just isn't fvcking fair.. It just isn't right.. No person should do this to another one.. 

We only have one life.. It is short.. Its not fair to waste years with someone like this.. There just isn't a fvcking rewind button to do this sh!t over..


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

QWERTY001 said:


> Hey Thundarr
> 
> I think you have misunderstood my post. I specified 'no longer'.
> 
> ...


This doesn't even make sense. It doesn't explain why you would marry someone you're not even attracted to. I mean, have you lost attraction just in the past year since you got married. That's ridiculous.


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