# More interesting info on my wife's thinking about sex



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I'm the HD in a HD/LD relationship, have posted many time. Over the last couple of months my wife has been making a much larger effort, sex is fairly frequent (2x/week) so mostly very good.

One think I had noticed was that when she started sex even if she wasn't really in the mood, after paying me some attention she would always want me to return the favor - which of course I happily did. What seemed odd though was that she would usually want me to get her off quickly rather than taking my time (with a vibrator and fingers it only takes me a couple of minutes to get her off). 

Recently she talked about it a little, and it seems that when she isn't in the mood, she gets aroused by doing things for me - but the arousal is almost a "problem" she needs fixed. Its not so much that she enjoys getting an orgasm as that it relieves the (sometimes) undesired sense of arousal. 

There are times when she wants sex but even then she seems to want to get to an orgasm very quickly - and she is a one-and-done person.

Any other women get this sort of reaction?


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I'm the HD in a HD/LD relationship, have posted many time. Over the last couple of months my wife has been making a much larger effort, sex is fairly frequent (2x/week) so mostly very good.
> 
> One think I had noticed was that when she started sex even if she wasn't really in the mood, after paying me some attention she would always want me to return the favor - which of course I happily did. What seemed odd though was that she would usually want me to get her off quickly rather than taking my time (with a vibrator and fingers it only takes me a couple of minutes to get her off).
> ...


Seems to me that she is ashamed of her sexuality. She is somehow embarrassed when she gets aroused. The fix is a quick orgasm. Your situation seems MUCH improved !! Good for you!

My advice would be to simply add a minute or two before she orgasms, every time. Tease her more and more, a minute at a time. Make her as comfortable as possible and keep at it. Sounds like you're headed in the right direction.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> ....my wife has been making a much larger effort, sex is fairly frequent (2x/week) so mostly very good.
> 
> ...Recently she talked about it a little, and it seems that when she isn't in the mood, she gets aroused by doing things for me - but the arousal is almost a "problem" she needs fixed. *Its not so much that she enjoys getting an orgasm as that it relieves the (sometimes) undesired sense of arousal. *
> 
> There are times when she wants sex but even then she seems to want to get to an orgasm very quickly - and she is a one-and-done person.


First of all congratulations! Enjoy! I think that you might be onto something.

I will share a few things my wife has told me and I have learned from her. My wife likes sex, just not that often. If left to her own, she would have sex every few weeks to once a month & half. When she gets really horny, she is rested, she is relaxed, she has not job or family stress and nothing to worry about, she can be a real tiger in bed. Not often if left totally to her own.

Again, my wife enjoys sex. She has told me not to touch her "there" as it will make her want to have sex with her and she doesnt' want to have sex tonight or this morning. So to her, sex is something she enjoys, but often doesn't want, even if she knows she would enjoy it.

Another thing I have learned from my wife is she enjoys "feeding" off my arousal and sexual excitement. That is when she feels my erect penis against her she likes that, provide the stars have aligned and she is in the mood for sex. She really seems to enjoy my loosing control during foreplay when I become very aroused touching her. In fact she almost needs to know how much she arouses me for her to be really turned on.

Still one more thing I have learned from my wife is that after she has orgasmed, she really wants to feel me inside her and she wants me to climax, while facing her and then hold me in her arms. That seems to be needed and gives her emotional joy and connection. 

At times I feel that for her to enter a relaxed, refractory state, she needs my erection/arousal to be over with. At other times I feel she needs to satisfy herself that she, with her body, can pleasure me.

The reason I am posting and sharing is to explore the "..relieves the (sometimes) undesired sense of arousal..." thought.

I wonder if there may be other meanings to her "I am aroused and don't want to be, so what can I do to end this."

Rather than her climax ending it, could it be something else, like ending your climax/arousal that allows her to end her arousal. 

Just thinking.


----------



## Okguy (Aug 25, 2015)

Twice a week? Thought she was ld?


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Recently she talked about it a little, and it seems that when she isn't in the mood, she gets aroused by doing things for me - but the arousal is almost a "problem" she needs fixed. Its not so much that she enjoys getting an orgasm as that it relieves the (sometimes) undesired sense of arousal.
> 
> There are times when she wants sex but even then she seems to want to get to an orgasm very quickly - and she is a one-and-done person.
> 
> Any other women get this sort of reaction?


I have a high drive and very much enjoy sex, but sometimes I can't or am feeling slightly off like when a cold is coming on, or maybe I just want to turn DH into a quivering mess for my own gratification or to do something nice for him.

So, I start giving him oral or using my hand. He responds and becomes increasingly aroused. His arousal triggers my own. Natural physical reaction.

On very rare occasions, my body will become painfully aroused, but my mind just isn't into it and I want to orgasm to relieve the pain of unsatisfied arousal. At that point, it's like asking DH to rub a knot out of my muscle or something. I need the relief from discomfort, but I'm not actually enjoying it.

Normally, though, I prefer many orgasms. And, usually, I like to go with the flow. Sometimes, a fast and furious mating. Sometimes, drawing it out. And anywhere in between.



UMP said:


> Seems to me that she is ashamed of her sexuality. She is somehow embarrassed when she gets aroused. The fix is a quick orgasm. Your situation seems MUCH improved !! Good for you!
> 
> My advice would be to simply add a minute or two before she orgasms, every time. Tease her more and more, a minute at a time. Make her as comfortable as possible and keep at it. Sounds like you're headed in the right direction.


She may not be ashamed of her sexuality at all. Maybe she simply isn't really interested in sex and just wants that pesky physical side effect of being giving to OP to go away now. 

Be careful on the teasing or any edging you might try, OP. Some women get overstimulated when teased that way and the clitoris and surrounds become very uncomfortable in a not good way. Some one and done women are one and done because they become so sensitive that anything after that is actually uncomfortable and not pleasurable at all.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
We've gone through several cycles. Frequency gradually declines. If I say nothing it drops to once ever few months or less. Mild hints or suggestions don't help at all. Having a very uncomfortable talk that gets her very upset resets thing to 2X/week. Then it very gradually declines again.

A couple of months ago we had a talk. We are now at 2X / week - except when something important comes up. 




Okguy said:


> Twice a week? Thought she was ld?


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I wonder if my wife feels like that more often - maybe frequently.

Does this sort of feeling correlate with anything? Causes or cures?





MJJEAN said:


> snip
> On very rare occasions, my body will become painfully aroused, but my mind just isn't into it and I want to orgasm to relieve the pain of unsatisfied arousal. At that point, it's like asking DH to rub a knot out of my muscle or something. I need the relief from discomfort, but I'm not actually enjoying it.
> snip
> .


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

I did notice that my ex partners used to lose interest more quickly if there was no PIV. Even if they were receiving other attention very effectively, it was also a "weaning off" effect. The PIV seemed to arousal some very female/male type bonding with her/them, while the other was intimate but easier "habit" to break. Problem *I* had was that LD women refused to discuss the topic in any depth, as long as they got other things out of the relationship it was just "my problem" and they didn't want to know about it, let alone deal with a solution (ie participate).


----------



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I wonder if my wife feels like that more often - maybe frequently.
> 
> Does this sort of feeling correlate with anything? Causes or cures?


This is exactly what it feels like to me on SSRIs. Painful. 

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Okguy said:


> Twice a week? Thought she was ld?


 It has been twice a week since the end of the SSM and our coming very close to divorce. Again, I discovered that I was a big part of the problem and that the problem was not a lack of sex. A lack of sex was the symptom of other problems in the marriage. Luckily we fixed things with the help of a sex therapist who expedited the reconciliation. Now twice a weeks seems great compared to once every month or so or never.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I wonder if my wife feels like that more often - maybe frequently.
> 
> Does this sort of feeling correlate with anything? Causes or cures?


To put this in context, I am HD and very much crave sex regularly. So, this kind of thing is rare for me. Guessing, I'd say maybe 6-10 times a year. It may be very different for your wife. This may be equivalent to asking an apple to explain an orange to you.

When it does happen, it's either caused by me simply being unable to shut my mind off (I've got 1001 things that need doing that day and my mind is just running scenarios and making plans), outside distractions (one of the kids is clunking around in the hall closet or the bathroom or something else along those lines. One day last summer I could have cheerfully murdered our neighbors barky dog, and I'm a hardcore dog lover!), or illness (my body feels too run down right then).

If it's because my mind won't STFU, and I have tried to make that happen, then DH can try to help relax me with humor and a massage, but my mind can be pretty stubborn. 

If it's distractions, removing the distraction can help, but not always. Mood killer killed mood dead. 

If I'm in the beginning or ending stages of being sick with whatever random plague the kids brought home, there isn't a whole lot we can do but wait until it passes. Chicken soup, orange juice, rubs and cuddles help the plague pass. It is known! (Hey, GOT fans!)

Have you asked your wife if she gets over sensitive and maybe wants you to give her the O quickly kind of like trying to avoid prolonged pain by ripping the band-aid off? Have you asked her if she feels guilty for asking you to give her an orgasm, as if she's selfish, and that's why she wants it hurried along?


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
she never indicates anything about being too sensitive - and seems to want pretty intense stimulation. Still its possible you are right. 

She may feel she is being selfish despite the many times I've told her that I very much enjoy doing things to please her. 

She has always had difficulty talking about sex, so I have a LOT of guessing to do. 



MJJEAN said:


> snip
> Have you asked your wife if she gets over sensitive and maybe wants you to give her the O quickly kind of like trying to avoid prolonged pain by ripping the band-aid off? Have you asked her if she feels guilty for asking you to give her an orgasm, as if she's selfish, and that's why she wants it hurried along?


----------

