# Honesty with potential mates



## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

At the end of an exhausting life together with a woman, it seems impossible that you would ever again jump through all the hoops of courtship, give out all the compliments, and overall sugar-coat and put extra effort into every single move. At this point it seems dishonest to tell a woman anything beyond "You are sexy because of A and B and I desire to have coitus with you". And 6 days a week I'd rather not give a hoot about what women think. Is it pretty natural to get back into the grove, does black and white merge back into a big grey area?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Give it time. You'll find someone who you WANT to impress and care about how she sees you. Who you'd rather lay naked in bed with doing absolutely nothing with rather than hang with your buddies. Who you'd hang out with as your best friend, and talk with all night, ti you have to get up to go to work in the morning. And with that person, you'll have the best sex of your life. 

In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with f*ck buddies. Look on a site like Adult Friend Finder for a like minded woman. You may be lucky enough to find someone who starts as an FB, but ends up being an SO. It's worked for me!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Moco, your response/feeling is normal. You just went through hell so why on earth would you want to jump back in again to a committed relationship?

There is nothing at all with the way you feel but you should be honest honest with the women you are seeing: "I am not looking for anything serious right now." That way there is no leading on, no dishonesty from the get. 

HONESTY IS KEY.

PBear is right--in time, the wounds will hurt less and you may even meet someone you like. Lately it seems my cold black heart has been melting. No, that doesn't mean I want to get married, but I am way more receptive to the opposite sex and flirting and actually wanting to go on a date if I see/meet someone I like. It took me what seems like eons to get to this point. It will happen for you, too.

The magic key is... wait for it... TIME.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Lately it seems my cold black heart has been melting.


A stack of hot, homemade pancakes will do that to you...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Pancakes have never sounded so devious! Hahaha.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Will you be wearing a frilly apron, Pbar?


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Honesty is key, but you can't get laid if you just lay it out like it is


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Will you be wearing a frilly apron, Pbar?


What else would I?


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

moco82 said:


> Honesty is key, but you can't get laid if you just lay it out like it is


Sure you can.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

moco82 said:


> At the end of an exhausting life together with a woman, it seems impossible that you would ever again jump through all the hoops of courtship, give out all the compliments, and overall sugar-coat and put extra effort into every single move. At this point it seems dishonest to tell a woman anything beyond "You are sexy because of A and B and I desire to have coitus with you". And 6 days a week I'd rather not give a hoot about what women think. Is it pretty natural to get back into the grove, does black and white merge back into a big grey area?


If you don't want to jump through hoops, don't jump through hoops. It's not necessary. 

Despite what you've been taught your whole life there actually are women looking for the same thing. Especially at this stage in their lives. 

Be confident in yourself and true to yourself and they'll find you.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Ceegee said:


> If you don't want to jump through hoops, don't jump through hoops. It's not necessary.
> 
> Despite what you've been taught your whole life there actually are women looking for the same thing. Especially at this stage in their lives.
> 
> Be confident in yourself and true to yourself and they'll find you.


It may take 200 years though 

meanwhile, don't hinge your happiness on the outcome of that. Getting sex isn't as easy as some on here like to suggest, for some of us anyway. But really, it is not just sex we crave, its the human connection, so go make some friends that do whatever you like to do. Play squash, go skiing, join a photography club, hang out on TAM. 99% of your connection needs can be met without sex, the remaining physiological needs can be taken care of alone with one of your two hands, and that is pretty good. Either way you will feel better about yourself not jumping through hoops.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Ceegee said:


> If you don't want to jump through hoops, don't jump through hoops. It's not necessary.
> 
> Despite what you've been taught your whole life there actually are women looking for the same thing. Especially at this stage in their lives.
> 
> Be confident in yourself and true to yourself and they'll find you.


This.

But OP you do come across as very negative towards women in general, be pissed at your ex but don't drag the rest of us into it. Can't imagine many women will be knocking down your door when you give off such an attitude.

And yes there are plenty of women that are looking for NSA sex especially after divorce. I had a FWB for awhile and the honesty was a relief, we both agreed we did not love the other but we simply enjoyed the sex, was exactly what I needed at the time as i was not interested in a relationship.


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