# First New Relationship



## .292705 (May 28, 2017)

I've been divorced for almost 3 years. I am back to my happy center and have found a man that I could open my heart to. We have been monogamous since December 2019 and we are actually a good match and it's been fun. I've been letting my guards down and have felt good about those choices.

The issue I'm facing is due to his past he struggles with emotional intimacy issues. He's open to being with just me and recognizes we're in relationship but emotionally he's detached.

I'm conflicted because of the short time we've been together if I should (A) just cut my losses now because his previous pain may never allow him to be emotionally available or (B) sit back and give him more time. We've discussed it and he wants me but I don't know if I want to sacrifice the emotional intimacy part...and if I do am I compromising too much.

I'm open to love being possible and I was led to believe he was too. Is his fear of being hurt potentially a show stopper?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You say he's emotionally detached, only you know if you like what he's offering emotionally and can be happy with his detachment, or not. Is it a show stopper for you?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

justsimplylisa said:


> I don't know if I want to sacrifice the emotional intimacy part...and if I do am I compromising too much.


As @Livvie said, what is the importance of it to you? Everyone has a different threshold in every relationship area. 

You've had only little time in this one, as you stated. My advice to you is keep going for a while. You will be able to tell if he is willing to risk his emotional safety, if he "opens up" gradually over the next months. 

As one who carried long-term baggage from being heinously betrayed in a first marriage, I can tell you that it takes time. But choose wisely, make sure his trajectory is in the direction of having your emotional intimacy needs met over time. If it's not, and your threshold is not satisfied, then I'd advise you to move on and find someone else.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

My ex-husband was like this, it wasn't from emotional baggage he is just like this. Though he tells me it was only with me as he didn't feel he could open his heart up to me. WE were together for over 20 years. Funnily enough both our children feel the same distance from him as well. My point being is if he is like this he is not likely to change and I feel it's more of an excuse.

I had two ectopic pregnancies with this man. Both times I was left alone in the hospital, he didn't stay and sit with me or hold my hand. I had to face the drs etc on my own. I was dating someone recently and ended up in the hospital, I was in a lot of pain and it wasn't pretty. He sat with me from 10pm - 3am after doing a full day at work. He held my hand and just sat there. HE isn't the guy for me but it showed me what I had been missing out on for all those years. If something that is important to you is missing it will always be missing.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

justsimplylisa said:


> I've been divorced for almost 3 years. I am back to my happy center and have found a man that I could open my heart to. We have been monogamous since December 2019 and we are actually a good match and it's been fun. I've been letting my guards down and have felt good about those choices.
> 
> The issue I'm facing is due to his past he struggles with emotional intimacy issues. He's open to being with just me and recognizes we're in relationship but emotionally he's detached.
> 
> ...


Can you describe what you are feeling as far as being "detached"?


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