# Sometimes what bothers me the most about being a BS is....



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

how it was prior to finding out.

When I look back on H's EA....I think one of the things that bugs me the most is for 6 weeks prior to DD#1, when he got back from his overseas work, and I had no clue that he had met someone. 

That just bothers me..here I was going day to day living normally when he got back all the while completely unaware that my H was emersed in his fantasy online EA with his friend who he met in Singapore. 

I think too about him phoning from Singapore every 3 days or so while he was away and me not knowing that he had met someone...as well the thought of him placing his "obligatory" phone call back home to check on things all the while he was probably eager to get off the phone so he could interact with his EA.

I don't know maybe I am just rambling but it still bothers me when I look back at the time prior to DD#1 and here I was thinking all was normal and fine with our life little knowing that behind my back he was carrying on with someone else......I think too about arguments we had prior to Dd#1 and think wow he must have at those times used those angry feelings toward me to justify what he was doing.......he could, of course, always count on his long distance OW to be nice and sweet 100% of the time, unlike his wife.

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes I think prior to me knowing what was going on was in some ways more terrible than after I found out simply because of the innocence of being the BS and thinking everything is normal....I guess that is why at times I felt like a fool looking back for trusting him so much.


----------



## Eros Turannos (Feb 4, 2013)

I hate that too. I hate that I thought everything was going so well, so great, when he was talking to other women the whole time. I hate feeling like I was giving my all and that since he was still chatting other women up that it may never be enough. I hate that he lied about it so now I never know for sure if he's telling me the truth that he loves me, that I am enough. I hate knowing that as I was laying in bed with him that he had just gotten done telling her how much he hoped she was thinking of him and that he would be thinking of her. I feel dirty


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Exactly..it does make you feel like a fool. As H took some time off after coming back from overseas that is when he would do his chatting with his EA while I was at work...boy, can you imagine the odd day I took off for vacation. He probably could not wait for me to return to work so he could get online....makes me feel real good!


----------



## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

I feel the same way too. I thought my WW was on a girl's trip to Napa Valley one long week end. Yet, little did I know her POSOM was up there too for a day or two. When she got home I happened to take a photo of her as she came home from her girl's week end with suit case in hand. She has a nice big happy smile on in the photo. It haunts and amazes me to this day.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

It bothers me the most that it took so long to find out that I wasn't even plan D. I was merely the financier.


----------



## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

it bothers me that i tried so hard to be an amazing wife, i have never been one to settle for normal and i always set my goals high ( maybe dont always achieve them ) but i work hard.

it bothers me that while i was being this amazing wife and doing all that i could to keep him happy the only person he cared about was himself !!!!!!!!!

he didnt think of me or the kids he just thought of himself.

meanwhile i was being amazing....

i guess amazing wasnt enough for him ??


----------



## Eros Turannos (Feb 4, 2013)

Come to think of it, the hysterical bonding throws me for a loop too.. guess it's kind of a love/hate thing. :scratchhead:


----------



## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

goodwife4 said:


> it bothers me that i tried so hard to be an amazing wife, i have never been one to settle for normal and i always set my goals high ( maybe dont always achieve them ) but i work hard.
> 
> it bothers me that while i was being this amazing wife and doing all that i could to keep him happy the only person he cared about was himself !!!!!!!!!
> 
> ...


I too tried to be the best spouse I could be to my wife. I measured myself as a man by how well I treated my wife. After her affair was exposed, I asked her if my good behavior as a husband had any affect on her affair decisions and she said, "No."

No guilt, no shame, no second thoughts...what she wanted she went after and no one was going to get in her way. She said her selfishness ruled the day. Scary....


----------



## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Yeah, I hated the feeling of thinking "Damn... I KNEW something was wrong" and then feeling foolish for not acting on your gut instincts.

It's really bad to look back at family pictures, after the fact, and see the fake smiles while she was in the middle of her EA/PA. And then thinking back to how I thought she had shrunk away a little when I put my arm around her for the photo but had shrugged it off.

Hindsight's 20/20

Of course, the most maddening aspect is how well my stbxw slept through the whole thing. Some nights, when my gut was telling me something - I would stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning. Meanwhile, my stbxw is sawing logs beside me. I don't think she lost a minute's sleep throughout this whole thing.


----------



## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Wait, we only get to pick *ONE*?

wtf?


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Being a BS was most bothersome - That's easy. Next in line is my kids had to grow up with divorced parents and my early attempts to keep that from happening boosted their mother's ego. Was my fault for jumping in too fast though. That was a long time ago and life has been good sense then.

Time exposes us; (which has been good for me and not so good for her)


----------

