# Am I Crazy?



## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

I have been reading these forums but have never posted. I experienced a crazy situation last week that I need to talk about.

My husband has been acting secretive lately with his computer. He got really upset when I clicked on a bookmark, and he always become infuriated if I go through it. I could not help but think that he was hiding something, so I went through his computer.

In a folder marked "tomorrow" I found a dating profile of a very pretty 25 year old woman. He had downloaded her whole profile and pictures.

Of course I was upset. I confronted him the same day, and he was livid. He explained to me that his father had a profile on this site (which I knew about) and this woman was "bothering" his dad so he looked into her. He opened his dad's profile to prove that this was happening. He apparently had 3 other women's profiles downloaded to the computer that I didn't find.

I asked him why he had to download the whole profile and why he didn't tell me about it. He never answered the questions. He just went into this tirade about how I'm a "nosy b*tch" and threatened to embarrass me publicly in front of family. He told me there's something wrong with my head because I'm so nosy. Needless to say, we got into a huge fight.

I couldn't help it. I didn't fight back but eventually he started hurting me so much that I just started screaming. I wasn't trying to embarrass him in front of the neighbors. It was just a reaction, and I know it was wrong. I stopped screaming but he went up to me and hit me in the head. It didn't bruise but it was hard enough to hurt. Then I put my hands over my ears to not hear the insults anymore and he hit my hands again three times. 

He then proceeded to drink an entire bottle of wine. He's not a drinker, so this shocked me. The drunker he got, the meaner he got. He started googling naked women and telling me how attractive they are and how I'm ugly. He started calling me "fat @ss" and must have called me that 10 times. He then attacked my breasts, complaining that they were too saggy.

I have natural DDs, and even though I'm still in my 20s, they aren't as perky as other women's breasts. All the women he was attracted to before we got together were like A or B cups so I suspect he prefers small, perky breasts. I'm not overweight, but I'm not skinny either. I work out 5 times per week. But he knows I'm sensitive about my weight so he knew what to say to hurt me.

The next day we went to a professional baseball game with my family. I had marks on my face I had to cover with make up. He watched me like a hawk to see if I looked at any men. Apparently I did (I don't even remember doing it) and he has been on my case about that ever since. The only thing he has said about hitting me was "it was just a slap in the hand, get over it." And "you shouldn't have screamed and embarrassed me in front of the neighbors. you're evil." 

He hasn't even apologized for all the names he called me. Yet he has brought up the other guys I supposedly looked at at least 10 times.

I just don't know what to do. It's like he has convinced me that I'm crazy and wrong.

Troll Post -Amp


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Screams of ownership
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

OMG, seriously?? Leave that ass and find a real man. You are only in your 20s, you have your whole life ahead of you!!! Call the police and report him for assault.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

He says hitting me was justified because I was screaming and embarrassing him in front of the neighbors. He says that I am a crazy b*tch for screaming.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Joann sorry you are here,

For arguments sake let's not talk about the infidelity it doesn't even matter at this point. What is so bad is that fact that he is abusive to you emotionally and physically. In all honesty you need to drop him, divorce him asap and leave. This is not healthy and he should not be putting his hands on you at all. If you decide to leave you need to live with a close relative that lives far away or contact your local women's shelter that can help you if you are financially dependent on him.

Again I'm sorry you are here him cheating on you is the least of your worries, it's his putting his hands on you that is the real issue. GET OUT.


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

krismimo said:


> Joann sorry you are here,
> 
> For arguments sake let's not talk about the infidelity it doesn't even matter at this point. What is so bad is that fact that he is abusive to you emotionally and physically. In all honesty you need to drop him, divorce him asap and leave. This is not healthy and he should not be putting his hands on you at all. If you decide to leave you need to live with a close relative that lives far away or contact your local women's shelter that can help you if you are financially dependent on him.
> 
> Again I'm sorry you are here him cheating on you is the least of your worries, it's his putting his hands on you that is the real issue. GET OUT.


He proved he wasn't cheating. I saw the proof for myself, it was his dad's profile. If he wanted to cheat, posing as a 75 year old man probably wasn't his best option 

But I almost wish he had downloaded the profile for himself than the other stuff that happened.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Ok that is great and all but he did hit you and you seem to not want to acknowledge that and if you don't then you are going to be stuck in this situation for a long time.


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

This is NOT good at all!!! He physically assaults you, calls you vicious names, is secretive & explodes upon your inquires, watches you like a hawk & makes you question if you are crazy or not. 

Oh my Beautiful, not sure you'll hear from us who've been there, done that & wasted years of our lives with abusive people who yoyo back & forth.

Leave now!!! This is alarming & not good!


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

I suspect this is a troll thread.


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

Theseus said:


> I suspect this is a troll thread.


Why? It's not.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

He's cheating, get out, get help.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joannab said:


> He says hitting me was justified because I was screaming and embarrassing him in front of the neighbors. He says that I am a crazy b*tch for screaming.


Nothing justified him hitting you.

And there is no justification for him calling you the names he called you and him putting you down.


When he showed you his father's profile, did he show you where those two women were bothering your father? 

Has he done things like this before? Calling you names? Hitting you?


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Nothing justified him hitting you.
> 
> And there is no justification for him calling you the names he called you and him putting you down.
> 
> ...


Yeah he showed me the emails they sent. I honestly think they were just spam. I really don't think anyone was maliciously targeting his father, he was just being paranoid. 

But what made me angry initially is I asked "have you been on dating websites recently" a couple times in the past few months because I communicated to him that I was not comfortable with him setting up his dad's profile. I don't want my husband even looking at dating sites, even if it's not for him. 

He said "no" but the answer was clearly "yes" because he downloaded those profiles. And the profiles were downloaded on a computer that was purchased AFTER I asked him to stay off dating websites.

When I confronted him about breaking that promise and being dishonest, that's when he flipped on me.


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

I just talked to him about the name calling the hitting. He justified all those nasty names he called me because after he hit me I said that I wanted to separate. He says that me wanting to separate hurt him so much that he had to hurt me back. That's his "excuse" for calling me fat, making fun of my breasts, calling me a b*tch, etc.

That's the biggest problem. He's an "eye for an eye" personality. If someone does something to him, he has to "get them back." And that applies double to our relationship.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joannab said:


> I just talked to him about the name calling the hitting. He justified all those nasty names he called me because after he hit me I said that I wanted to separate. He says that me wanting to separate hurt him so much that he had to hurt me back. That's his "excuse" for calling me fat, making fun of my breasts, calling me a b*tch, etc.
> 
> That's the biggest problem. He's an "eye for an eye" personality. If someone does something to him, he has to "get them back." And that applies double to our relationship.


You did not answer my questions about any previous abuse, either emotional or physical.

What he did was bad. Why are you still with him?


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You did not answer my questions about any previous abuse, either emotional or physical.
> 
> What he did was bad. Why are you still with him?


He's done some name calling. Never this bad. Never hit me before.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

joannab said:


> He proved he wasn't cheating. I saw the proof for myself, it was his dad's profile. If he wanted to cheat, posing as a 75 year old man probably wasn't his best option
> 
> But I almost wish he had downloaded the profile for himself than the other stuff that happened.


You dont seriously believe this, do you?? Man, what kind of 2 by 4 do you NEED to see that you need to leave this man???!


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> You dont seriously believe this, do you?? Man, what kind of 2 by 4 do you NEED to see that you need to leave this man???!


Yes I can believe what I see with my own two eyes. I did not believe him until he logged into the profile and showed me. 

That's not even really the issue though. I think the hitting/name calling is the real problem. I wish it was just a downloaded dating profile.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So what are you going to do? His justification of his abuse is disturbing.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

joannab said:


> Yes I can believe what I see with my own two eyes. I did not believe him until he logged into the profile and showed me.
> 
> That's not even really the issue though. I think the hitting/name calling is the real problem. I wish it was just a downloaded dating profile.


I hate to say it, but I don't think you can even believe what you saw with your own eyes. Why is HE setting up daddy's profile? I call BS on this. 

You're husband's an abusive cheater who lacks respect for you and refuses to take responsibility for his actions. Don't believe me? Leave for a week and watch how suddenly he changes tactics. He'll tell you you're beautiful and the only woman for him. After you go back to him, within a short while you'll have another episode that's as bad as this one was. In fact, I'd venture to say it will happen the very next time you confront him about his unacceptable behavior. He's protecting what he wants to do, and he's willing to sacrifice your well-being to do it. 

Think about a few things that are typical in abusers: 

1. Abusers often blame external factors for their behavior. They see themselves as victims of the environment or other people, but they don't take charge of themselves enough to control themselves. 

2. At the same time, they want you to believe they are ultra capable of doing the right thing, the responsible thing. Unfortunately, they talk the talk but do not walk the walk. It's all excuses and "poor me" thinking. 

3. They somehow manage to control their temper when they want to, like around an important boss, yet claim they can't help themselves from losing control when it's something involving you. (This garbage thinking is usually followed by some variation of how important you are to them.)

4. There's a noticeable cycle. When he blows up verbally or physically, he feels a relief of pressure and starts acting nicer. He might pretend to take the blame for it, and he'll treat you so well you'll feel super important to him. But he's already building up little resentments and stuffing them inside until the next blowup. 

If you are seeing any of these patterns, I hope you'll run, not walk, away from this relationship.


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

KathyBatesel said:


> I hate to say it, but I don't think you can even believe what you saw with your own eyes. Why is HE setting up daddy's profile? I call BS on this.


Because his father barely knows how to use a computer. He just learned how to turn the computer on. Getting him to run a simple search on Google is like a 10 minute process because he always forgets how to use it. You have to explain the same simple things over and over to him.

The profile had his father's name and age. My 32 year old husband is not going to pose as a 76 year old man to pick up women. That just wouldn't make sense.


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

He says that he can't live without me and will end his life if we divorce. I hate this manipulation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joannab said:


> Because his father barely knows how to use a computer. He just learned how to turn the computer on. Getting him to run a simple search on Google is like a 10 minute process because he always forgets how to use it. You have to explain the same simple things over and over to him.
> 
> The profile had his father's name and age. My 32 year old husband is not going to pose as a 76 year old man to pick up women. That just wouldn't make sense.


Well it seems that being a 76 year old man is working for his father to attract young women. 

I he were my husband, I'd put a key logger on his computer and see what's really going on. The level of anger he had tells me that there is something that he's hiding from you. He wants to intimidate you into letting him have a secret life away from you.


ON the other hand... why bother with the key logger. I'd leave him.

I don't think you realize who terrible his treatment of you is. If you did realize it, you would not be talking to him and believing this nonsense he's telling you. Instead you would have either called the police and had him removed for your safety or you would have moved out.

Do you realize how much you seem in a daze and unable to process what really happened?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

joannab said:


> He says that he can't live without me and will end his life if we divorce. I hate this manipulation.


You have to know this is a load of crap. Just look at what he has done to you. His actions dont back up his bullsh!t.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joannab said:


> He says that he can't live without me and will end his life if we divorce. I hate this manipulation.


Threatening to kill himself is a manipulation. You recognize that. You cannot give into that manipulation. Instead of sacrificing yourself on his alter of 'love or suicide' call 911 when he threatens suicide. Let the professionals handle him. You are not equipped to handle a suicidal person.


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

Oh and we always fight because I'm not trying hard enough to fix the relationship. Yet he refuses to see an individual or marriage counselor like I suggested.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joannab said:


> Oh and we always fight because I'm not trying hard enough to fix the relationship. Yet he refuses to see an individual or marriage counselor like I suggested.


Like I said you seem like you are in a daze. Why are you still with a man who treated you this way?


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## joannab (Oct 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Like I said you seem like you are in a daze. Why are you still with a man who treated you this way?


Classic reasons I guess. He is my world. I have no one or nothing else in my life.

It's hard to understand if you haven't been there. I never thought this would happen to me.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

joannab said:


> Classic reasons I guess. He is my world. I have no one or nothing else in my life.
> 
> It's hard to understand if you haven't been there. I never thought this would happen to me.


Guess what? "Your World" sucks and it really does not seem to be sinking in. It is happening so what are you going to do about it? If you think this is just a one time thing that will never happen again then you are also a dreamer. 

I am in total agreement with the others that believe your husband is lying to you about the father. Wake up. Why would he be saving a 25 yo profile for his 70 yo father. You do not really have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure this stuff out.

Your husband is an abusive thug and his manipulation seems to have you over a barrel. Sad. Just plain sad.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joannab said:


> Classic reasons I guess. He is my world. I have no one or nothing else in my life.
> 
> It's hard to understand if you haven't been there. I never thought this would happen to me.


Oh I've been there and done that. This is why I'm still here talking to you. You do not want to end up with years of this mistreatment. It's not going to get better. It always gets worse.

When your world is built around an abusive man, the way you get a better world is that you build a better world for yourself. 

Do you have family and friends? Tell them what is going on. Build yourself a support system. Look up some things about abuse and learn.

Google on "Cycle of Abuse" and "Domestic Violence Exist Plan". 

Find a domestic violence organization in your area and get into counseling yourself.

Emotional and physical abuse are about control. Your husband blew up because he knew that if you find out the truth he will lose you. So he needs to control you and he upped the anty... he was the most abusive verbally/emotionally and physically than he has ever been, right? That's because he has to control you to keep you. Then he starts the suicide threats.

If you stay, and he continues to abuse you, and you do not leave you become a willing participant. At some point you are no longer a victim.. because you can walk out that door any time you want. So you chose to stay. Mull on that for a while.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

krismimo said:


> Joann sorry you are here,
> 
> For arguments sake let's not talk about the infidelity it doesn't even matter at this point. What is so bad is that fact that he is abusive to you emotionally and physically. In all honesty you need to drop him, divorce him asap and leave. This is not healthy and he should not be putting his hands on you at all. If you decide to leave you need to live with a close relative that lives far away or contact your local women's shelter that can help you if you are financially dependent on him.
> 
> Again I'm sorry you are here him cheating on you is the least of your worries, it's his putting his hands on you that is the real issue. GET OUT.


I said this earlier and I still think it applies to your situation.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

You got two calls to make. Call the cops. Call it a day.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Troll. Move along!


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