# Wow how things have changed. Need a males input.



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

I gotta make this quick!

My STBXH and i saw each other sunday, i was stand offish.


Anyways yesterday we started talking, we talked all day long. Well he started acting jealous about me talking to other men. Told me he doesnt wanna see me with another man. Asked if i had sex with another man, etc. 

He told he hasnt had sex w/his gf, that he barely sees her. They havent even talked about her meeting the kids or anything. He said theyre just dating, he isnt planning on moving her in or marrying her or having kids with her.

Well first thing this morning he texted and called me to talk and he asked me for naked pictures again. I know about the girlfriend this time. It struck me as odd because i never thought he'd do that while knowing i know he has a gf. He also told me how good i looked yesterday, etc. he also said what would you do if we got back together you got rid of your rings, etc...

He has not said he's dumping her or anything. So i dont get why he;s acting like this


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Send him naked picktures of a hot guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

From a guys point of view, I don't get it either. Do you think, or do think he thinks his girlfriend is attractive? Do you believe him that they are not sleeping together? If they are not, most likely it is because she has told him no, and he is looking to get some from you. It would be kind of hard to have a girlfriend you can't sleep with, and a stbxw that you have slept with, and not being able to get any.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Fence sitting and trying to get booty from you for his own self validation, checking to make sure you still care about him. If you give it up to him be prepared for him to jump right back over to the other girls arms. 

He is a male protecting his breeding ground right now. He does not have your feelings in your best interest currently, rather his own.

Keep doing what you are doing. This is not reconciliation. This is using someone.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Traggy said:


> Fence sitting and trying to get booty from you for his own self validation, checking to make sure you still care about him. If you give it up to him be prepared for him to jump right back over to the other girls arms.
> 
> He is a male protecting his breeding ground right now. He does not have your feelings in your best interest currently, rather his own.
> 
> Keep doing what you are doing. This is not reconciliation. This is using someone.


I agree completely. Texting and asking you for naked photos after being with another woman? Sounds like he's just out for a thrill.

I would be very careful how you proceed here. I don't know your situation, but this is not respectful behaviour where I'm from.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Yeah, I would not send the pictures at all...they may end up all over the internet


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MTB,

Is reconciliation on your radar?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would forward his texts to the GF... He's just wanting what he can't have, and wants you to be there as his safety net if his GF cuts him off.

Just my $0.02 worth

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I would just ignore him

Use the 180


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

PBear said:


> I would forward his texts to the GF... He's just wanting what he can't have, and wants you to be there as his safety net if his GF cuts him off.
> 
> Just my $0.02 worth
> 
> ...



His girlfriend is not attractive at all. I'm thin and care what I look like. His gf is chubby (not that it makes her unattractive) but she is plain looking. Long mousy brown hair. Doesn't wear make up. I wear make up and do my hair. I am thin, dark brown hair,bright green eyes, curves despite being thin.

I have a feeling she hasn't had many boyfriends, she is dorky and he walks all over her. He told me he wants to hang out again and doesn't care what she says. He said he never sees her, and they're just dating. Said he isn't planning on marrying her or having any kids with her. He said "we are just dating. You act like I'm gonna go off and marry her".

He knows I have her email. So I don't know why he's texting this stuff he knows I could tell her. I emailed her and told her about him sending naked pics and sent her an email he sent me on april telling me he was considering getting back together but didn't because things will go back to how they were. No reply from the gf. He knows I emailed her and didn't even care?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Well, at least he is not trying to hide that from eiter of you...I know...kind of well, messed up, but not deceiptful at least.

Now the whole "we are just dating" thing really bugs me alot. Am I the only one? I can't quite put into words what I am thinking but it is not nice.

Dark hair, green eyes, and curves...oh my!


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

The "we are just dating" bugs me too. I guess he means they're causually dating. He said this after I asked if he is gonna marry her (he married me quick) and I asked if he plans on having her around our kids. Weird thing is he doesn't care that I've sent her proof. If him hitting on me with her and still does it. He hasn't said theyyre breaking up but I assume he is bored with her because she's only 19. He also knows I've been hanging out with other men and getting a bunch of male attention. After he found that out now he's talking to me a lot and doesn't care that I told the gf. I just don't get any of it. I don't wanna be some piece of booty to him but yet she's the one he loves. 

Id like to reconcile but honestly I wouldn't be able to trust him. I told him that. I told him it'd take a lot to get me back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Naked pictures sent now would not be good in court. I would just keep all these things and maybe ask your lawyer. But he really doesn't seem like a keeper. Trying to get naked pics of you shouldn't matter. Has he asked about his kids? Now that should matter. Just ignore him the best you can.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thoughts... He has no longer has any respect for her, and feels he can walk all over her. He wants you to become his "other woman". My advice... Keep your dignity and self respect, as you're doing. Do the 180 on him, ignore any communication other than kid and separation/divorce stuff. And even on that, respond at your convenience (as appropriate). Don't have coffee with him, don't "talk to him all day", etc. If you're at all interested in reconciling, let him come crawling back to you with his life fully cleaned up.

In the meantime, if someone else asked you out for coffee or something, it wouldn't hurt your situation. And if he happened to see an update on FB, so much the better...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Have your date "check in" with you wherever you go - so it posts to your page without you doing a thing.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

and I thought I was whipped!

Come on girl. Even a 'nice guy' like me knows what you should NOT do at this point.

Stop talking to him. He wants to have sex with you a few more times to satisfy his own needs. Even as a 'nice-guy' I may get tempted to do that to my wife in the future. The difference is, I didn't leave my wife and betray our marriage. She did. 

Just keep working on yourself and if you have hopes for reconciliation, avoid relationships for a while. Your husband may or may not see the light. You can't help or force him in any shape or form.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

This is quite patently ... a ruse.

He doesn't know where things stand with the GF ... therefore he feels free to fish for you as well.

Cake Eating. Classic. And a bit pathetic frankly.

Ex and I did this dance for far too long. Was a point where I had hoped for reconciliation as well.

She would say she didn't know where things stood with the other man ... but neither would she let him go.

If you are looking to move away from this dynamic, than do not contribute to his sense that 'he still has you'. Naked pics, flirting or fooling around only make things more confusing, and in the end, change nothing.


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

Im not caving in. I sort of just laugh it off and say "what about your girlfriend?".

I have a feeling he thought id stick around and let him come back. But now that he knows other men (and attractive men at that) have been talking to me (he found out from a mutual friend) he is now starting to try to get sexual with me. I dont want that. He knows i dont. I have told him i want to be married and have someone to settle down. 

He talked about reconciling last night. I said it wasnt going to happen. I would never trust him again. I told him he'd have to earn my trust back, get rid of the girlfriend and a crap load of marriage counseling, and then id consider but even then there's no promise to that.

I have let him get away with so much in the marriage....constantly drinking, going out all the time, going away with his army buddies then not calling, doing nothing at home, kicking me out when i was pregnant, then doing drugs behind my back for a while and i didnt know. Then ending things with me and getting this girlfriend quick and lying and hiding it. I was begging him to get back with me til i found out about this girlfriend. I honestly think he thought id wait around. Im not, im moving on, talking to guys and texting other guys and now he knows it and now he's doing all of this. 

he also hadnt seen me in 6 months til sunday and last time he saw me i had just had our son. now im back in shape and looking better.


I dont think he wants to reconcile, i think he wants booty and also doesnt want me moving on because now reality has hit and he knows i am on a dating website and putting myself out there and now he knows if i date someone another men will be in my childrens lives eventually because he brought that up too.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you have a pretty good grasp on what he wants and why. Now just keep in mind what YOU want, and why.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I just thought I would drop in here as my Ex is trying to do the same. 
He is giving you " My GF doesn't understand me, it is not that serious" line.
Just tell him you won't have an affair with him


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## Goodguy2003 (May 31, 2012)

I am amazed that you are even considering getting back with him after all he has put you through in the past.
Move on and find a guy who truly loves and appreciates you.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Keep on the 180 until you see real fundemental changes in him. Tell him to get into counseling and start working on himself, and maybe if you see the changes, the two of you could maybe start dating again.

Just keep on living your life and dating other men. Don't worry about the ex. And don't send him nude pics... he can go buy himself a Playboy if he needs something to get off to.


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

Id like to reconcile but i never will because i couldnt trust him. Him doing this makes me wonder if he did this while we were together. Which if he's doing it now im sure he was then too. I think everyone wishes they werent getting divorced. I dont believe in divorce but that is the road we are headed down. I pawned my rings and i filed for divorced and i have every intention on following through or i wouldnt have pawned my rings. He has screwed me a lot this year. Im also not backing down by asking for certain things in the divorce either. He can sweet talk all he wants, thats not happening. 

I do however sorta get a kick out of all of this. To go from him wanting nothing to do with me to begging me for pictures and giving me all this attention is rather funny. I also am sorta laughinyg about it because he l\eft me for this 19 year old girl and now look what he's doing to her, rather funny. Stupid girl. I emailed her and told her about everything. I told her he's her problem now! I told her all i want from him is for him to be there for my kids and to pay child support.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

He's a loser. Don't send him pics. Is he crazy? And him saying he hasn't had sex with the GF is BS.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Momtoboys,

Things likely haven't "changed" at all.

They're just been re-directed.


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