# troubled marriage?



## silver_moon (Sep 7, 2011)

this is my first time on any marriage advice website. I have been with my husband for 13 years and married for 5. we are in such a situation that only i can work which has left him unemployed for 4-5 years now. not only does he have depression and unemployment issues, but i am sure other issues that are very hard for me to sort out as its very hard to deal with a man who has no job!
the basic problem is that I don't feel I am married to somebody completely committed to intimacy and the relationship. although my husband doesn't admit it and gets very angry, he does spend ALL evening on the computer and all night on the computer. its a known fact that he watches porn, and i suspect probably every night. we have sex only a few times a month, mostly only to get pregnant. shudder the thought of talking abt a problem. he gets very very angry, tells me i am accusing him (whatever that means) and attacking him. additionally i feel like he critcizes me on everything, every day. he loses his temper easily, is grouchy all the time, has no sex drive (except for porn) and is more or less inactive. he condemns me for not exercising enough, drinking too much, not saying or doing the right thing in any and every situation. he actually has a alternate sentence i should have said or alternate action i should have done when i relate an event/interaction to him.
its impossible to bring any of this up. things go off the handle followed by days of silent treatment, then retreat on my part and i have to act like things are normal to maintain some semblance of sanity.
i am not perfect, far from it. but this is my post, its going to be one sided. 
i appreciate any advice. 
thank you.


----------



## smartyblue (Jun 22, 2011)

silver_moon said:


> this is my first time on any marriage advice website. I have been with my husband for 13 years and married for 5. we are in such a situation that only i can work which has left him unemployed for 4-5 years now. not only does he have depression and unemployment issues, but i am sure other issues that are very hard for me to sort out as its very hard to deal with a man who has no job!
> the basic problem is that I don't feel I am married to somebody completely committed to intimacy and the relationship. although my husband doesn't admit it and gets very angry, he does spend ALL evening on the computer and all night on the computer. its a known fact that he watches porn, and i suspect probably every night. we have sex only a few times a month, mostly only to get pregnant. shudder the thought of talking abt a problem. he gets very very angry, tells me i am accusing him (whatever that means) and attacking him. additionally i feel like he critcizes me on everything, every day. he loses his temper easily, is grouchy all the time, has no sex drive (except for porn) and is more or less inactive. he condemns me for not exercising enough, drinking too much, not saying or doing the right thing in any and every situation. he actually has a alternate sentence i should have said or alternate action i should have done when i relate an event/interaction to him.
> its impossible to bring any of this up. things go off the handle followed by days of silent treatment, then retreat on my part and i have to act like things are normal to maintain some semblance of sanity.
> i am not perfect, far from it. but this is my post, its going to be one sided.
> ...



I'm fairly certain that he's not mad at you. He's mad at himself, the economy. He feels like a loser who can't provide for his family. Why have a baby when he's out of work? That's probably stressing him out too.

He needs to fix himself. You can encourage him or get him some professional help. Tell him you love him and you two will get through this tough time together. But really, he has to make the effort to change. You can't do it for him.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

4-5 YEARS OF UNEMPLOYMENT?! This guy could have found a job or two to help pay the bills. Instead he spends his time on the computer watching porn as you struggle? 
What advice are you looking for here because all I see are loser red flags and I want to tell you to ditch him. What am I missing?


----------



## silver_moon (Sep 7, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> 4-5 YEARS OF UNEMPLOYMENT?! This guy could have found a job or two to help pay the bills. Instead he spends his time on the computer watching porn as you struggle?
> What advice are you looking for here because all I see are loser red flags and I want to tell you to ditch him. What am I missing?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## silver_moon (Sep 7, 2011)

I should clarify he has a part time job, does bring home some
money but not a career.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

