# Wife is a gambling addict, I think I'm finally done.



## atWitsEnd1987 (7 mo ago)

Not much on TAM about Gambling addiction and Financial Infidelity...the Parallels to romantic infidelity are numerous! The lying, manipulation, trickle truth, etc...

Briefest story, wife throws money away gambling, mostly slots and scratch-off lottery tix. We filed ch13 Bankruptcy 6 yrs ago, completed plan and she is now in debt again. Online loan sharks with interest at 200-400%...NO ONE recovers from those loans, they really should be outlawed but that's a different argument.

I think I am finally ready to divorce. Married 16yrs, two sons aged 14 and 11. She works, now earns more money than I do, $85k to my $55k.

Nothing I have done works as far as trying to secure our finances. I have some real doozie stories about how she has stolen money, picked locks, forged my signature, etc...just venting here!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Making a decision is hard for a lot of people. This has been going on for awhile and you’ve stayed. 
Talk versus action. As you’ve seen talk gets you nothing. 
Stay and get more. No magic fix for her.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It’s impossible to live with an addict. She will never change and you’ll never be able to build a future no matter how much you or she makes. I’m sorry but I think you should get out of the marriage.


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## JessRN7 (Mar 26, 2021)

atWitsEnd1987 said:


> Not much on TAM about Gambling addiction and Financial Infidelity...the Parallels to romantic infidelity are numerous! The lying, manipulation, trickle truth, etc...
> 
> Briefest story, wife throws money away gambling, mostly slots and scratch-off lottery tix. We filed ch13 Bankruptcy 6 yrs ago, completed plan and she is now in debt again. Online loan sharks with interest at 200-400%...NO ONE recovers from those loans, they really should be outlawed but that's a different argument.
> 
> ...


i Feel like I can relate to this. My husband has been gambling mostly horse racing since we met. I no longer think I can support his addiction anymore either. It’s hard because we to have two kids but I don’t know what to do. We haven’t had to file bankruptcy… yet. Just seems hard to leave someone because of money.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

My ex ran up 25k in credit card debt. It was another example of why she couldn’t be trusted. We had the money, so that wasn’t the issue. It was the lying and hiding that was more of the issue (as well as pulling her panties down for other men). Since this has been going on for so long, I don’t see her recovering. She’s pulling you down with her, as your name is attached to all of these loans and lines of credit. At the very least, see an attorney and get a separation agreement so you’re no longer attached to any new debt.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

I get the stealing to gamble...You have to put rigorous safe guards in place. Separate finances. Talk to a lawyer and a CPA Before doing anything. You might actually be able to reclaim some of the gambling dept. In divorce...I know it's hard.... I had a family member bankrupt his finances , which did the same to his marriage...I get where you're at...I'm sure you've had countless conversations with your wife...all to no avail. See a lawyer tommorow. Just to see what your options are. Its not going to change. It's an addiction. Unless you show real consequences , IE , divorce ect....
Best of luck


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Do your children a favor and divorce her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

atWitsEnd1987 said:


> Not much on TAM about Gambling addiction and Financial Infidelity...the Parallels to romantic infidelity are numerous! The lying, manipulation, trickle truth, etc...
> 
> Briefest story, wife throws money away gambling, mostly slots and scratch-off lottery tix. We filed ch13 Bankruptcy 6 yrs ago, completed plan and she is now in debt again. Online loan sharks with interest at 200-400%...NO ONE recovers from those loans, they really should be outlawed but that's a different argument.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry. Yes, you need to end the carnage. Unfortunately, depending on laws where you are, you might inherit some of her debt. Glad you both at least make good money. Maybe because she makes more money, it will be only her debt. 

It's as bad or worse as any other addiction. She might even try to steal money from your kids once they are earning or their IDs or something if she's desperate. I had a friend that happened to. It wasn't gambling, just greed, defrauded her kid and husband. 

Be sure you do file a complaint on her with police if she's forging stuff. It is illegal. Even if you're married. My friend's ex got in trouble for it. Not sure if it was jail time.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

when she forged your signture you should have had her arrested, you have spent to long playing the co-dependent part and now you need to do this for your boys otherwise you are demostrating to your sons the role of a weak father.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Marriage should not be this hard. What would you be losing?
Do you like being penniless and poor?
You have always had a choice in this. Not making a decision you needed to make is your fault.


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## onlyhuman123 (4 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> .





atWitsEnd1987 said:


> Not much on TAM about Gambling addiction and Financial Infidelity...the Parallels to romantic infidelity are numerous! The lying, manipulation, trickle truth, etc...
> 
> Briefest story, wife throws money away gambling, mostly slots and scratch-off lottery tix. We filed ch13 Bankruptcy 6 yrs ago, completed plan and she is now in debt again. Online loan sharks with interest at 200-400%...NO ONE recovers from those loans, they really should be outlawed but that's a different argument.
> 
> ...


Sounds like the money gets spent the moment it's made. I see gambling like a getting a massive dopamine reward rush from say a whole lot of likes on social media. If it were me, I would try to find a way to get the dopamine reward receptors hit that is not gambling, and then see if perhaps the gambling would be at least less.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Good luck and I think people would understand the desire to end this and appreciate your patience to date.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

atWitsEnd1987 said:


> Not much on TAM about Gambling addiction and Financial Infidelity...the Parallels to romantic infidelity are numerous! The lying, manipulation, trickle truth, etc...
> 
> Briefest story, wife throws money away gambling, mostly slots and scratch-off lottery tix. We filed ch13 Bankruptcy 6 yrs ago, completed plan and she is now in debt again. Online loan sharks with interest at 200-400%...NO ONE recovers from those loans, they really should be outlawed but that's a different argument.
> 
> ...


Sadly there are some people who are self destructive and nothing anyone does can help them.
I`ve read stories whereas decent husbands, nice middle class homes, good jobs, children and their wives were leading secret lives as escorts, even wives who were well respected in their communities, school teachers, lawyers, doctors, involved with the church or business owners. There have been cases when wives have disappeared assumed murdered later discovered to have been doing sex work on the side and murdered by a customer. Prior to that no one had suspected these wives led double wives. These women had a sex addiction not just in it for the money.
Then those, both men and women, that become drug addicts, alcoholics or suffering from severe depression or bipolar and as in your wife`s case has a gambling addiction.
I once had a male best friend who acquired lots of credits cards and got into huge debts. He`d would pay one credit card debt using another credit card. I tried to help him, even paid some of his debts, but eventually I had to give up and call time on this friend. 
Unfortunately those who become caught up in those people`s lives end up being taken down with them. They`re not bad persons, but they will, as you have mentioned in desperation beg, borrow and steal to fuel their addictions. They simple can`t help it.
I can only suggest the following:
You must take charge of your wife`s finances. On pay days her money to be paid into your sole account and you control what she spends. Also ban her from having credit and debit cards.
This is not being controlling but rather for your wife`s own good.
Sit down with your wife and explain this in detail with her. If she refuses or agrees and still finds ways to keep gambling than it means you are battling a hopeless situation and consider a divorce.
Think about it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@atWitsEnd1987 Has not visited TAM since his first and only post so I am closing this thread. If atWitsEnd1987 needs to have this thread reopened, please ask.

Good luck on your journey through life. We are always here for you.


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