# Infidelity on the eve of marriage?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Recent threads have got me thinking, why? Oh why? Is this why people have bachelor/bachelorette parties? Why on the eve or just after the wedding day? So common yet so odd.

Supposed to be the most romantic memorable day of your life but wait a minute let me root the F outta someone else first before I tie the knot lol - why?!

This is for academic discussion so hence I'm posting here on the general section. I googled but found no answers.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

I did not want a bachelor party prior to getting married. My father had a bachelor dinner for me and some pals at our Legion Post. Very tame as we drank beer, ate steaks, and played poker, and went home by 10pm


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> I did not want a bachelor party prior to getting married. My father had a bachelor dinner for me and some pals at our Legion Post. Very tame as we drank beer, ate steaks, and played poker, and went home by 10pm


I don't even get the point of it lol
Like, if I wanted to fk around I would be doing it prior to getting into a relationship (let alone marriage) so wtf is the logic of putting a nuke underneath the very foundation of my marriage? lol I just don't get it

Wonder if I should start advising soon-to-be-brides and grooms, be sure to hire a PI within the 1-2 months of your wedding to see if your partner cheats on you! 🤦‍♂️

Heh well at least if they do, and they find out prior to marriage they can always pull this one on their wayward spouse:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I'm baffled by it. I've heard of it, obviously, but I'm in the same camp.

When you find who you want, quit fing around and take care of business.

It seems almost as brilliant as trying to get a tan in a microwave.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

There are some sick people in the world. My guess is that these people don't think they're in a committed relationship until the say, "I do". That's just dumb. At the very least, you're in a committed relationship from the time you become engaged.

Since this thread is academic, please help me understand a scenario in which a bride-to-be lets an old boyfriend go down on her the day before her wedding. I can understand the old boyfriend talking her into sex or a blowjob, but him doing her? How does that make sense?

Let me try. The bride loves oral sex, and she asks her old boyfriend to give her one for the road since she'll theoretically be off limits after the next day. Are there women who like oral sex that much? Why would she want her boyfriend to get her off instead of her new husband? Would it have any effect on her wedding night? SMH


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Sfort said:


> There are some sick people in the world. My guess is that these people don't think they're in a committed relationship until the say, "I do". That's just dumb. At the very least, you're in a committed relationship from the time you become engaged.
> 
> Since this thread is academic, please help me understand a scenario in which a bride-to-be lets an old boyfriend go down on her the day before her wedding. I can understand the old boyfriend talking her into sex or a blowjob, but him doing her? How does that make sense?
> 
> Let me try. The bridge loves oral sex, and she asks her old boyfriend to give her one for the road since she'll theoretically be off limits after the next day. Are there women who like oral sex that much? Why would she want her boyfriend to get her off instead of her new husband? Would it have any effect on her wedding night? SMH


I would guess that the guy was thinking/hoping things would go further. Maybe she got cold feet and couldn't take things further (assuming she isn't trickle truthing). 

Or who knows, maybe the fiancé/BH refused/refuses to do oral and she wanted one more for the road. Maybe her ex was just sooo good at it she had to have one more. Maybe she had cold feet about the marriage or the commitment. Maybe she wasn't sure which guy she wanted. It remains a mystery until/if the cheater talks about it.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Have you ever had or heard of a sexual encounter that existed exclusively of a guy doing oral on a woman? I have not.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Sfort said:


> Have you ever had or heard of a sexual encounter that existed exclusively of a guy doing oral on a woman? I have not.


Hell no....she’s lying’.............that dog don’t hunt....


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Is this why people have bachelor/bachelorette parties?


Most of the bachelor parties I've been to have involved cheating. By the groom and other married/LTR men. They don't see it as cheating... Yet they aren't open about it either so they know it's wrong. They lie to the women about strippers and other women being there, what went on, don't let the women read the group chats, etc. That whole group has some serious boundary issues though.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

bobert said:


> Most of the bachelor parties I've been to have involved cheating. By the groom and other married/LTR men. They don't see it as cheating... Yet they aren't open about it either so they know it's wrong. They lie to the women about strippers and other women being there, what went on, don't let the women read the group chats, etc. That whole group has some serious boundary issues though.


Precisely why I had no desire for a wild ass party. I had a friend get a bj from a stripper at his party and His wife damn near Called off their wedding.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sfort said:


> Have you ever had or heard of a sexual encounter that existed exclusively of a guy doing oral on a woman? I have not.


Only in a very long term relationship.

I've done it for Mrs. C but I can count the times on one hand in almost thirty years


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Hell no....she’s lying’.............that dog don’t hunt....


I did it for a woman I adored a few times, but only because she was younger than me and had me too worn out to want any myself and I wanted to take care of her needs and enjoyed doing so..... but under this context—- hell no.
Ridiculous.


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## Pumpkingpie (Jul 28, 2020)

I think it’s a lot of reasons, it may depend on the person, situation, etc. But there’s no excuse for it. It’s a waste of someone’s time, it’s damaging, hurtful, etc. (It’s just sooo bad regardless of when you find out because the healing, pain, and questions, are a nightmare to experience ...) 

Maybe the person gets cold feet
Maybe the person didn’t see the relationship as a committed relationship (I type this because in a few threads I’ve noticed that for some people they don’t feel that they are in a committed relationship until they are married... so i’m not sure) 
Maybe they had a “f*** moment” and the person thought it doesn’t matter & the partner would never know



Sfort said:


> Have you ever had or heard of a sexual encounter that existed exclusively of a guy doing oral on a woman? I have not.


I’m that weird person who has asked that of her husband lol 😂. I think it can happen.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I work at a resort and I've seen my share of bachelorette parties here. For some reason, we don't get the bachelors. Either way, most of those ladies are cheating.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Because people do rotten **** sometimes. Don’t waste your time/mental resources trying to understand everything, you won’t.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sfort said:


> Have you ever had or heard of a sexual encounter that existed exclusively of a guy doing oral on a woman? I have not.


Is oral when you talk about it?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> Is oral when you talk about it?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Recent threads have got me thinking, why? Oh why? Is this why people have bachelor/bachelorette parties? Why on the eve or just after the wedding day? So common yet so odd.
> 
> Supposed to be the most romantic memorable day of your life but wait a minute let me root the F outta someone else first before I tie the knot lol - why?!
> 
> This is for academic discussion so hence I'm posting here on the general section. I googled but found no answers.


My bachelor party consisted of going out to eat and going to a video game/pool hall/bowling alley.

Honestly if you want to F someone because you are committing to get married then you are not ready to get married.

The truth is not everyone has the stuff to be married.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sfort said:


> There are some sick people in the world. My guess is that these people don't think they're in a committed relationship until the say, "I do". That's just dumb. At the very least, you're in a committed relationship from the time you become engaged.
> 
> Since this thread is academic, please help me understand a scenario in which a bride-to-be lets an old boyfriend go down on her the day before her wedding. I can understand the old boyfriend talking her into sex or a blowjob, but him doing her? How does that make sense?
> 
> Let me try. The bride loves oral sex, and she asks her old boyfriend to give her one for the road since she'll theoretically be off limits after the next day. Are there women who like oral sex that much? Why would she want her boyfriend to get her off instead of her new husband? Would it have any effect on her wedding night? SMH


First of all, ironically just like I advised on that thread, skepticism is a good thing.

Let's say it's true, and stuff like this does happen, I think there is much better chance they had an ongoing affair or at least there was an emotional one and this was just a culmination. And this story she tells is her way of easing her guilt but by gaslighting some truth of an affair in the most innocuous way.

I just seems implausible that some guy shows up and she allows him to go down on her the day before her wedding. Sorry I don't believe that story.

All that being said, like I wrote, not everyone is capable of being married. Frankly I think a lot of the population doesn't have the stuff to even truly love someone. Most of what is talked about as love is desire or need. It's done out of selfishness. This is a product of our culture. We all communicate using the word love, but we are not talking about the same thing.

I know if I were to be dating again, eventually a question I would ask is what do you mean when you say you love me. If I heard some variance of - You make me feel this way or that, (and only that) I would see that is a red flag.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Precisely why I had no desire for a wild ass party. I had a friend get a bj from a stripper at his party and His wife damn near Called off their wedding.


She should have. 

Yeah I won't even go to those. I just beg off.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Enigma32 said:


> I work at a resort and I've seen my share of bachelorette parties here. For some reason, we don't get the bachelors. Either way, most of those ladies are cheating.


I went to college with a guy who was a male stripper, the stuff he said was really disturbing.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

OP let me put your mind at ease. I remember when I started reading here I would hear stories about wives who we were told were perfect, and marriages that were the envy of everyone, just falling off the rails and the wife seeming changing overnight to become an unfaithful tramp without any rhyme or reason. That **** was scary.

However after reading literally 100s of those threads it turns out the truth was the shocked husband just wasn't a good judge of his wife's character. She didn't change on a dime he just finally became wise to the fact that his wife was a playacting tramp who hid her nature from him. That's it. Bearing some sort of mental damage it just doesn't happen like that.

If there is a good marriage that ends up with a cheating wife, it's much more likely that it happens over time, as the spouses detach and she slowly succumbs to lust of someone she is in contact with every day like someone she works with. They risk the marriage and their partners heart for the attention. That happens.

Or she has been very unhappy for years and it's an exit affair. That happens too (all of this stuff happens with the genders reversed by the way).

The same is true about a good wife who meets up the day before her wedding with an ex and allows him to go down on her. It doesn't happen like that. There is much more to that story. If it's true then she probably cheated on him multiple times before and in the marriage maybe with this guy.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Pumpkingpie said:


> I’m that weird person who has asked that of her husband lol 😂. I think it can happen.


I have no problem doing that for my wife and not expecting or even wanting anything in return. But it's definitely different in a marriage IMO. A dude just showing up out of the blue for it? Nah. Either he was expecting more or hoping for more, or there is more to the story.


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## Pumpkingpie (Jul 28, 2020)

I definitely agree with your statement, that if a guy shows up for that it’s probably expecting/hoping/wanting more. I also believe that after that act the person could feel disgusted with themselves and stop it from going further. (I’m going based on the original post that this act is done before or sometime after officially being married ... Maybe something clicked in the person’s mind and it stopped there).


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## K3itty (May 12, 2021)

So are there really people who have these bachelor partys right before the wedding? Usually there's so much to get ready the day before. Secondly, I guess I personally don't know any bachelorette parties that involved cheating. Going out clubbing in Vegas with girlfriends one last time, yes. But that doesn't even have to include grinding on/making out with strangers. Typically girls have fun dancing with themselves. And the bride-to-be wears a sash showing she's there for her bachelorette's and guys just come say congrats.

If people actually use this as their last time to be "single" they got it all wrong. They don't actually love their fiance. It's disrespectful. They will easily step out of their marriage vows with any excuse. They're getting married to just get married. But people marry not because of love... for money? Convenience? Pressured into it by family/friends? Social/society/cultural pressure?

Simply put, they don't truly love and respect their future spouse and the meaning of marriage.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> Most of the bachelor parties I've been to have involved cheating. By the groom and other married/LTR men. They don't see it as cheating... Yet they aren't open about it either so they know it's wrong. They lie to the women about strippers and other women being there, what went on, don't let the women read the group chats, etc. That whole group has some serious boundary issues though.





Enigma32 said:


> I work at a resort and I've seen my share of bachelorette parties here. For some reason, we don't get the bachelors. Either way, most of those ladies are cheating.





sokillme said:


> I went to college with a guy who was a male stripper, the stuff he said was really disturbing.


See? That's what I'm talking about... 

Just before you say I do:

















...seriously WTF?! lol



No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Precisely why I had no desire for a wild ass party. I had a friend get a bj from a stripper at his party and His wife damn near Called off their wedding.


Surprised she didn't call off the wedding. My partner sure as hell would and so would I lol!



sokillme said:


> However after reading literally 100s of those threads it turns out the truth was the shocked husband just wasn't a good judge of his wife's character. She didn't change on a dime he just finally became wise to the fact that his wife was a playacting tramp who hid her nature from him. That's it. Bearing some sort of mental damage it just doesn't happen like that.


Yes... then you have the bachelor/bachelorette parties and excluding this strange tradition, you have people deciding to cheat very close to their wedding day! The timing is the question!



K3itty said:


> So are there really people who have these bachelor partys right before the wedding? Usually there's so much to get ready the day before. Secondly, I guess I personally don't know any bachelorette parties that involved cheating. Going out clubbing in Vegas with girlfriends one last time, yes. But that doesn't even have to include grinding on/making out with strangers. Typically girls have fun dancing with themselves. And the bride-to-be wears a sash showing she's there for her bachelorette's and guys just come say congrats.
> 
> If people actually use this as their last time to be "single" they got it all wrong. They don't actually love their fiance. It's disrespectful. They will easily step out of their marriage vows with any excuse. They're getting married to just get married. But people marry not because of love... for money? Convenience? Pressured into it by family/friends? Social/society/cultural pressure?
> 
> Simply put, they don't truly love and respect their future spouse and the meaning of marriage.


On one of the other thread which inspired this one the guy was married a near half century (  ) before he found out, I wonder if that was really a loveless relationship prior to marriage. And if not, then still - WTF lol


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I don't get it either.

Many moons ago now, I attended a bachelorette party that started fairly docile with a few drinks and games, onto a couple of bars and still innocent fun, then on to the strip-club and more drinks consumed. A married relative of bride-to-be went on stage and gave a crazy lap-dance to the stripper with the crowd cheering her on. Eh, not my scene. Plus the funky smell in that place was off-putting and I was kinda bored, so I called myself a taxi and exited. I was home having a cuppa before midnight. This became a bit of a running joke among friends that 'hearts wants to get home for a cuppa..' I took the banter and was completely fine with being made fun of for that! I have partied in my time, not in that way, but I know my limits. Turns out, it got a bit more wild on the party bus afterwards with the bride-to-be confessing to me that she had to remind herself '..don't put it in your mouth..' Anyway, that was many moons ago.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I did love mine though... arranged it myself and it remains one of the most fun nights I've had with girlfriends. And not a penis straw in sight. There were about 25 of us at a gay lounge bar that was complete with sparkling fairy lights in the courtyard. We watched a fun cabaret show there; it was a small venue and we pretty much had one of the floors to ourselves. Just us and the gay waiters-bartenders. While there, Batman phoned the bar and bought us bottles of champagne. I remember the waiter serving the bubbles saying, 'On behalf of your lovely fiancé, he hopes you're having a great night.' Classy move Batman. We danced with lots of laughter, champagne, and tamborines. We were like big kids and it was great. Friends had then arranged for us to go to a club afterwards that played 80s music. We pretty much took over the dance floor, taking turns dancing within a circle, still with the tamborines and not approached by any guys; I think because of the circle formation. I'd had my fill of drinks and then called it a night. I took the banter from the group for this - I think I was the first to leave haha - and then arranged to meet Batman back home by midnight. Some of my friends partied on. Batman had been out with 3 guys for dinner, casino, cigars, and stouts.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Sfort said:


> Have you ever had or heard of a sexual encounter that existed exclusively of a guy doing oral on a woman? I have not.


I've done that as a standalone thing on a few occasions with different women.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

K3itty said:


> So are there really people who have these bachelor partys right before the wedding? Usually there's so much to get ready the day before. Secondly, I guess I personally don't know any bachelorette parties that involved cheating. Going out clubbing in Vegas with girlfriends one last time, yes. But that doesn't even have to include grinding on/making out with strangers. Typically girls have fun dancing with themselves. And the bride-to-be wears a sash showing she's there for her bachelorette's and guys just come say congrats.
> 
> If people actually use this as their last time to be "single" they got it all wrong. They don't actually love their fiance. It's disrespectful. They will easily step out of their marriage vows with any excuse. They're getting married to just get married. But people marry not because of love... for money? Convenience? Pressured into it by family/friends? Social/society/cultural pressure?
> 
> Simply put, they don't truly love and respect their future spouse and the meaning of marriage.


Absolutely, and many have probably been living together for years by then as well. 
I have never got these what we call in the UK hen nights and stag nights. They are asking for trouble. 
Many here I have known have done things like go carting or other sports, or meals out. Far more enjoyable and far safer.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

We don't really have hen and stag nights where I'm from (not the UK). If we feel like, we just have a nice meal with friends with some good food and wine... I believe it's a British/American thing, but I could be wrong...


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I told my bros, why would i want to go to the club? The woman i want is at home...no thanks im fine with my bride to be, see you guys tomorrow at the wedding. Married 24 yrs this past Monday.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> I told my bros, why would i want to go to the club? The woman i want is at home...no thanks im fine with my bride to be, see you guys tomorrow at the wedding. Married 24 yrs this past Monday.


Congratulations!
36 yrs here, still going strong. It does happen!! 🙂


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Pumpkingpie said:


> Maybe the person didn’t see the relationship as a committed relationship (I type this because in a few threads I’ve noticed that for some people they don’t feel that they are in a committed relationship until they are married... so i’m not sure)


I can't understand how some people think this way, what's the point of being engaged then? Furthermore, if that's how they feel then why keep it a secret?...things that make you go hmmmm.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

This is so much more confusing when you look at the typical timeline for modern relationships.

So a couple meets, starts dating, has sex.
Has the talk about being exclusive, Moves in together.
Parents one or two children. Then decides to get married.

At this point in a long term committed relationship, they decide to have bachelor / bachelorette parties? WTF?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mr. Nail said:


> This is so much more confusing when you look at the typical timeline for modern relationships.
> *
> So a couple meets, starts dating, has sex.
> Has the talk about being exclusive, Moves in together.
> ...


Exactly!

And if not bachelor parties (excluding the tame ones some have mentioned) you have actual cheating, like one day before or even after! WTF Lol


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I love partying but none of my friends or I ever did this and I wouldn’t have participated in anything likely to get someone in trouble with their wife/girlfriend/etc...

Why would you want a friend who phones up an escort and has you cheating on your fiancé? Mentally warped.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

If you have to ask this question you won't understand or accept the answer. They are all bad people anyway. (rolling eyes emogi)


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Strip clubs are another one semi-related. I do have friends who have done the strip club thing especially in downtown SF as there are some smack dab in the middle of downtown and one that is maybe 3 blocks from the convention center.

Some employers have strip club cultures where people go after work. I never participated. Drunk + women who might have sex with you that aren’t your wife = non starter for me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Back in the 1970s, **** was vastly different to what it is today. It was still a time of "sexual liberation" which mean men (usually men) getting as much sex as they wanted.

Maybe there was an element of that involved?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> Back in the 1970s, **** was vastly different to what it is today. It was still a time of "sexual liberation" which mean men (usually men) getting as much sex as they wanted.
> 
> Maybe there was an element of that involved?


I was reading abit on the history of Bach parties and what not and apparently it's an 80s thing?

You could be onto something but was fidelity that much different then today?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I think the origin of the bachelor party is the groom to be is leaving his cohort of buddies to spend all of his time w/ his wife so he has one last night w/ them. The ones where they just pal around and keep their pants on are kind of shrug-worthy.

I suspect some of the other kind are guys who had mixed emotions about getting married, think not wanting to pay child support.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I can see the point of bachelor/ette parties, but NOT with strippers, escorts, etc. On the other hand, I can't see the point of marriage vows regarding fidelity when over 70% of men and women will cheat on their supposedly monogamous partner. People are obviously bad at assessing risk and reality, and keeping promises!


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> This is so much more confusing when you look at the typical timeline for modern relationships.
> 
> So a couple meets, starts dating, has sex.
> Has the talk about being exclusive, Moves in together.
> ...


My daughter has a friend that wanted all her GF's to pay for air travel, hotels, etc. for a bachelorette weekend at Disney during the height of the pandemic last year. She ended up canceling it and postponing her wedding until this fall, but she was annoyed that so many invitees didn't want to travel to FL and pay for her party. Half of them were unemployed at that time. The thing is, she already married the guy a year ago so she could get on his health insurance. Her parents don't know so they're going along with the big wedding plans. She did the whole engagement photo shoot and regularly posts updates on FB about her upcoming wedding. WTF, exactly.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> I did love mine though... arranged it myself and it remains one of the most fun nights I've had with girlfriends. And not a penis straw in sight. There were about 25 of us at a gay lounge bar that was complete with sparkling fairy lights in the courtyard. We watched a fun cabaret show there; it was a small venue and we pretty much had one of the floors to ourselves. Just us and the gay waiters-bartenders. While there, Batman phoned the bar and bought us bottles of champagne. I remember the waiter serving the bubbles saying, 'On behalf of your lovely fiancé, he hopes you're having a great night.' Classy move Batman. We danced with lots of laughter, champagne, and tamborines. We were like big kids and it was great. Friends had then arranged for us to go to a club afterwards that played 80s music. We pretty much took over the dance floor, taking turns dancing within a circle, still with the tamborines and not approached by any guys; I think because of the circle formation. I'd had my fill of drinks and then called it a night. I took the banter from the group for this - I think I was the first to leave haha - and then arranged to meet Batman back home by midnight. Some of my friends partied on. Batman had been out with 3 guys for dinner, casino, cigars, and stouts.


And that is cool.
Making out, having sex and cheating on your fiancé or fiancée the eve or soon before the wedding???? I’d not marry anyone who’d do that.

I am not a prude. I chased women in college and chase some now that I am single.
If I found a keeper that I asked to marry me at this point (I doubt I ever will again), it would be someone who I loved so much that any other woman would not do it for me at all. Might find them attractive, but not in the same way I would my about to be wife....


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

When I had mine before i married my ex, a bunch of women went to a Mexican restaurant and yakked uncensored about the men in our lives (almost all good things, just a bit X rated).

That's it....no men around. So not really a bachelorette party....more of a girls dinner celebration.

I've always thought that if you needed some kind of one last fling party you aren't ready to get married. Or you're a scumbag who wants justification to cheat.

One of my old neighbors, a guy in his 40's who was living with his long term gf and daughter (yes, his daughter) decided to marry her so she could have access to the UK's NHS. He was a dual citizen who lived in the US but worked for a British corporation and traveled regularly, and he was originally from the UK.

He and a bunch of men from the neighborhood had this idea that they were all going to drive to Orlando, get drunk and go to strip clubs, and rent hotel rooms for the weekend. These were all guys in their 30's and 40's with wives and kids.

They all claimed their wives were fine with it, but as the day got closer they all started to come up with excuses. Apparently the wives weren't fine with the idea of a bunch of middle age family men planning a drunk stripper weekend so another middle aged dude with a live in wife and daughter could "have a good time".


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It’s all fun unless you wake up naked in the median of a freeway. 😳


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

The best Bach/ette party I saw was a young couple when I was in Hawaii with my wife celebrating our 30th anniv.
There was a huge table at a Luau, and the MC asked folks around where they were from, etc.. That ENTIRE table was the bride/groom, their wedding party, and family. That night WAS their bach/ette party -- they stated it. Just having fun with friends and family.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Marc878 said:


> It’s all fun unless you wake up naked in the median of a freeway. 😳


What I want to know is when did it become an over the top excursion that costs a fortune? I guess I'm showing my age, but I don't get all the expensive hoopla that accompanies weddings now. And don't even get me started on the insanity of gender reveal parties.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I don't know, My family has gift showers for the bride. We are very tame. When one of my nieces got married We took her fiancé kayaking. Him, his future father inlaw (who is my brother in law) my brother and I. We did tell him that if he just kept going down the river we would cover for him. A last chance to duck out.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

For some it is like vacation time. While on vacation the rules of the road don't apply. Acting civil no longer applies. Getting load and stupid is the order of the day. After all, I'm on vacation. Same applies to bachelor/ette party. Moral rules go out the window because I'm at a bachelor/ette party. I'm supposed to get my rocks off.

My bachelor party was mostly family, in the afternoon. There was cake. I got some tools that I still use today. It was a great party.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Recent threads have got me thinking, why? Oh why? Is this why people have bachelor/bachelorette parties? Why on the eve or just after the wedding day? So common yet so odd.
> 
> Supposed to be the most romantic memorable day of your life but wait a minute let me root the F outta someone else first before I tie the knot lol - why?!
> 
> This is for academic discussion so hence I'm posting here on the general section. I googled but found no answers.


Not saying I love these, but what makes you think the groom to be is actually looking to have sex? Usually it's a bunch of his friends throwing a party and having a stripper there for their own entertainment and to embarrass the groom to be, who gets a lap dance or something. They are kind of dumb but I don't get why you think it's for the purpose of cheating.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> I was reading abit on the history of Bach parties and what not and apparently it's an 80s thing?


I had certainly heard of bachelor parties before the 80s, though they may have evolved since then. I'm less sure I'd heard of bachelorette parties before then.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

When I was single and out with friends whenever we'd see a bachelorette party we knew the odds were it was an easy score and yes that included the bride to be. Were there women who went out and didn't do anything, of course, but they were the minority.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Yeah I'll never get this either. I've been married three times, and I've never had a wild bachelorette party nor wanted one. ExH wanted one--but then again he was a serial cheater!  Dear Hubby ... oh I have the best story! We were having a rehearsal dinner, and I surprised him by flying home his son and DIL (in the Army in Germany). Well we're having the dinner, a nice time at like a buffet place, and Dear Hubby passes a plate "Here Marie" "Here's your plate Tom" "Here, Bryce, here's your plate...." and his face went white and he dropped the plate of food! He was so happy he just sat right down and cried! And Beloved Hubby, shoot I have PICTURES of our bachelor/ette party because we invited our whole family to come stay at the resort, rented casitas, and we set up the room for the service and then got in our jammies and watched movies. 

I mean...if you're marrying someone the very next day, why in the name of God's green earth would you want to behave so poorly the night before? SMH


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Been reading stories trying to get my head around it, here's one:









Woman admits she cheated on her husband a week before their wedding


An American woman named Evangeline Grace opened up about cheating on her husband-to-be at her bachelorette party and going through with the wedding anyway.




www.dailymail.co.uk







> In a personal essay, she said that looking back, she was 'certain' she loved Jayden, but also *'resented him for wanting to tie me down.'*
> The future laid out in front of them wasn't one that excited her — but even she admits that wasn't his fault. A self-described people-pleaser, she was bad at articulating what she wanted.
> 'My resentment manifested as cheating,' she said. 'I wanted to regain a sense of control in my relationship with Jayden, and I went about it in the most immature way possible.'
> She remembers feeling anxious the night of her bachelorette party, before she even got to the bar to celebrate. She tried to fend of her discomfort by chugging cocktails.


Like why the hell you say yes then during the proposal? 🤦‍♂️

Wonder if folks could smell her dirty creampie as she walked the aisle but didn't want to say anything 
Despite this research, I'm still left unable to understand lol


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

I have been married so long that my stag night followed the then tradition of having several beers with your mates in your local town on the Thursday night before your wedding on the Saturday. No women, no strippers, no long weekends away in foreign cities, just good old fashioned drinking until you dropped. 
Hen nights were in a local restaurant with lots of girlfriends and buckets of wine.

Far less pressure and much more fun than some of the forced gaiety I have seen on more recent stag do’s.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Sfort said:


> Since this thread is academic, please help me understand a scenario in which a bride-to-be lets an old boyfriend go down on her the day before her wedding. I can understand the old boyfriend talking her into sex or a blowjob, but him doing her? How does that make sense?


I a confused by your confusion. 

How does it make sense a man would want to go down on a woman until her flesh is quivering against his mouth, her juices are flowing down his chin, her heels are digging into his back, her hands are clutching his hair, her thighs are shaking, and she's forgotten her own name, but has been screaming his? Gee, can't figure out what a guy would get out of that!



Sfort said:


> Let me try. The bride loves oral sex, and she asks her old boyfriend to give her one for the road since she'll theoretically be off limits after the next day. Are there women who like oral sex that much?


YES!



Sfort said:


> Why would she want her boyfriend to get her off instead of her new husband?


Likely because the ex BF in this scenario is that much better at it and she wants to feel that again before it's forever out of reach.



Sfort said:


> Would it have any effect on her wedding night? SMH


Maybe? If she feels guilty then it probably would. If she compares Studly Tonguewell to the new H's wedding night performance, probably would.



Sfort said:


> Have you ever had or heard of a sexual encounter that existed exclusively of a guy doing oral on a woman? I have not.


Yup. DH related a couple of stories from back in the day. I had a few. So do some of our friends. There are guys out there that simply like going down, like how it feels to make a woman feel that way, and that's all they want/need.



sokillme said:


> I think there is much better chance they had an ongoing affair or at least there was an emotional one and this was just a culmination.


Most of the chicks I knew who cheated during the Bachelorette party picked up a guy at one of the bars/clubs the group went to, did whatever, and never saw or heard from him again other than a couple social media stalkerish situations.


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