# Dressing up



## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

My children are nearly grown up now, but since they were little I had a bit of a renaissance regarding fashion and makeup. I went from the grungy student look of the 90's to really enjoying looking the best I can. I was the mother in the playground with hair and makeup done, heals, skirts and dresses. I don't even go grocery shopping without a bit of effort. As I get older jeans are mainly for around the house and I prefer skirts and boots when I go out. I LOVE wearing makeup and will apply even if I am not going anywhere - just because.

So....why does this irritate some people. I went to lunch with my friends last week. We go to a small bistro type place that is fairly expensive. I wore a blue pencil skirt, cashmere jumper, tights and boots. Both my friends asked me if I was going for a job interview ....[sarcastic]....to me I this was a fairly casual winter look. One asked me why I dress up so much?! :surprise: When I asked what is it about me that looks over-dressed she looked me up and down and said it was the skirt :|. 

This isn't the first time..it seems to happen to me so frequently that it shakes my confidence. I went to a 50th birthday party, it was during the day so I wore a simple navy blue skater dress and small strappy heals - and the first thing someone said to me is 'Why are you wearing a dress? Going somewhere later?'. Do people not dress up for parties anymore? 

This is almost exactly the dress I wore in terms of shape and colour

**Textured Skater Dress by Oh My Love - Topshop 

(I would consider this a smart but dressed down look). 


Anyone else like to dress up?


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Very cute dress, I would say that is perfect for a day event, not overly dressy at all.

I love everything from jeans and t shirt to evening wear. Not a pair of track suit pants in my wardrobe but I do have some very comfy around the house tops. I wear make up most days but my hair is too much like hard work for everyday so it is often in a ponytail or up do. At work I wear middle of the road type of styles as it is not the type of place to be too flashy, nice pants and top and mid height wedges. 

Can't say I have ever experienced the type of comments you are mentioning, usually I get compliments from the both men and women when I dress up. I also compliment others when they are dressed up.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

I think for me its a fear of completely disappearing into the background (as I get older) but at the same time I don't quite have the confidence to deal with the attention. 

I think because I have always been a SAHM I would sometimes feel sad when people just give up (but obviously it is their choice). It seemed very important to me to look nice when the kids came out of school, and have now gotten into a habit of dressing up everyday.

I am looking at my wardrobe today and thinking of clearing the whole thing out and starting again. Going back to basics...good fitting jeans, t shirts and jumpers.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Where do you live? Is it the area you live in that maybe is not very dress up? I live where if you dress up you may get asked if you are going to an interview. The vibe is very casual here and people wear pajamas as outer wear. They also wear furry hats, kilts, logger shirts, biker boots and hoodies. 

When I wear my classy or cutesy dress up clothes I usually get asked what's the special occasion. 

Most of the parties or events I go to would be attended by people who dress more like I do for those events (slacks, skirts, or dresses) but the main culture around here is so casual that most people don't dress like this often enough for it not to seem overdressed in most circumstances.

I enjoy being the only one dressed up sometimes. Other times I just feel over dressed, but I've learned pretty well when to tone it down just a little so I can still wear something that suits me in fancy-ness but not get a lot of questions about whether I'm off to an interview or something.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

I have seen people wearing jeans at the Opera and I do find that odd but each to their own. Personally I enjoy buying and wearing nice dresses, MrH appreciates it too


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

:wink2:


Faithful Wife said:


> Where do you live? Is it the area you live in that maybe is not very dress up? I live where if you dress up you may get asked if you are going to an interview. The vibe is very casual here and people wear pajamas as outer wear. They also wear furry hats, kilts, logger shirts, biker boots and hoodies.
> 
> When I wear my classy or cutesy dress up clothes I usually get asked what's the special occasion.
> 
> ...


Yes maybe it is location dependent. I live in a big city that is very fashion minded.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> I have seen people wearing jeans at the Opera and I do find that odd but each to their own. Personally I enjoy buying and wearing nice dresses, MrH appreciates it too


Again, we go to theater fairly regularly and everyone wears jeans and hoodies. I always wear a dress and a smart jacket. My sister once told me I was over-dressed. But if I am paying £30 for a ticket, I want to make an evening of it if that makes sense (particularly as I am a SAHM, you make those opportunities count).


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Where do you live? Is it the area you live in that maybe is not very dress up? I live where if you dress up you may get asked if you are going to an interview. The vibe is very casual here and people wear pajamas as outer wear. They also wear furry hats, kilts, logger shirts, biker boots and hoodies.
> 
> When I wear my classy or cutesy dress up clothes I usually get asked what's the special occasion.
> 
> ...


I think you have nailed it. There was even some controversy about parents dropping their children off at school in pajamas. Its not unusual to see people shopping in the supermarket in a dressing gown or onesie. Its a fairly run down, working class town, hoodies, jeans, sportswear.....maybe I need to keep my clothes and just move?:grin2: Or be a trend setter....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

peacem said:


> I think for me its a fear of completely disappearing into the background (as I get older) but at the same time I don't quite have the confidence to deal with the attention.
> 
> I think because I have always been a SAHM I would sometimes feel sad when people just give up (but obviously it is their choice). It seemed very important to me to look nice when the kids came out of school, and have now gotten into a habit of dressing up everyday.
> 
> I am looking at my wardrobe today and thinking of clearing the whole thing out and starting again. Going back to basics...good fitting jeans, t shirts and jumpers.


So you do it our of fear of not being noticed? Of becoming invisible? Why do you think that is? Is it an issue of low self esteem or low self worth? Fear of getting old? Do you need/crave that attention you get when you dress up?

I wear casual/smart casual clothes most of the time unless I go to a wedding or something. I wear jeans/trousers and jumper in the colder weather, and dresses or knee length trousers and t-shirts in the summer. 
I don't wear make up, don't see the point, its not good for the skin and is expensive. I am not out to be noticed, the only person I want to notice me is my husband, and he does. He isnt bothered about make up and likes what I wear. I honestly never worry about what others think, I don't live my life to impress them. 

Getting rid of all you clothes seems very extreme, why would you do that?


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

The love and respect the hell out of women who still dress up. When I see someone who is always dressed nicely I think that they just really have their sh*t together.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)




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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

There is nothing better than a woman who wants to look good for herself and her family.I think what you are seeing is insecurity in some people,they refuse to make any effort and feel bad about themselves when they see someone that does.They try to drag everyone down to their level.If it makes you happy,dress exactly how you want and to hell with the begrudgers.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The only answer to their silly questions is "because it makes me feel good". My philosophy is "so many clothes, so little time". Not everyone shops at Walmart nor do they want to look like they belong in one of those youtube videos. 

Some woman wouldn't be caught dead running to the bakery in the morning without makeup and properly dressed. It would be showing disrespect to the baker. Maybe we need to start showing more respect for our fellow man by dressing up a little.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Good for you for dressing like you want! I always envy women that do that; it just seems like they have it together and they take the time to care! 

Will you come & be my fashion instructor!? I would love to have someone that has fashion sense to help me!


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

I wear nice clothes. It's my thing. Putting color and fashionable clothing together that fits well is like art to me. Don't care what ppl say. I grew up poor and spent my 20s pregnant or nursing so yeah, I'm gonna live it up now. 
Go for it, sister! And why would a friend care what you wear. People can't handle different, and it's their problem.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

> Diana7;17364130]So you do it our of fear of not being noticed? Of becoming invisible? Why do you think that is? Is it an issue of low self esteem or low self worth? Fear of getting old? Do you need/crave that attention you get when you dress up?


Do you know, I am not sure, but you have given me something to think about. You may just be right.



> I wear casual/smart casual clothes most of the time unless I go to a wedding or something. I wear jeans/trousers and jumper in the colder weather, and dresses or knee length trousers and t-shirts in the summer.
> I don't wear make up, don't see the point, its not good for the skin and is expensive. I am not out to be noticed, the only person I want to notice me is my husband, and he does. He isnt bothered about make up and likes what I wear. I honestly never worry about what others think, I don't live my life to impress them.


My husband likes the way I look and compliments me. He likes me wearing makeup, I like putting it. 



> Getting rid of all you clothes seems very extreme, why would you do that?


[/QUOTE]
Spring is coming and I am reassessing things. I always have a major cull at this time of year. I was wondering whether to quit with the dresses and just have a few practical pieces, like good quality jeans and tshirts.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

I love dressing up! I didn't really get the opportunity to do so as we weren't well off and I only had hand-me-downs so now I take every opportunity to dress up. Initially I was turned off that my partner was comfortable looking like a bum but I chose not to make any comments about his attire. I didn't want him to feel I was embarrassed to be with him and I felt for sure he would see how people reacted differently to him versus me

Now I catch him polishing his shoes, spending a little more time mulling over what he's going to wear and sometimes he's hurrying up to change into something nicer when it's obvious I'm better dressed for the occasion. Instead of slouching he sits up a little straighter when we go out and he beams when I tell him how sexy, smart and gentlemanly he looks. He wants to dress up and go to museums and plays whereas before he was content dressing down and going to the bar. I think deep down he loves looking sharp and he's a bit of a fashionista, he's just never had a woman to bring out that side of him.

So keep dressing up. I imagine you something like Kate Winslet in The Dressmaker. Stay fabulous @peacem!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> The only answer to their silly questions is "because it makes me feel good". My philosophy is "so many clothes, so little time". Not everyone shops at Walmart nor do they want to look like they belong in one of those youtube videos.
> 
> Some woman wouldn't be caught dead running to the bakery in the morning without makeup and properly dressed. It would be showing disrespect to the baker. Maybe we need to start showing more respect for our fellow man by dressing up a little.


How is going to a shop without make up, as we are, disrespectful to the shop keeper?????


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

peacem said:


> Do you know, I am not sure, but you have given me something to think about. You may just be right.
> 
> 
> My husband likes the way I look and compliments me. He likes me wearing makeup, I like putting it.


Spring is coming and I am reassessing things. I always have a major cull at this time of year. I was wondering whether to quit with the dresses and just have a few practical pieces, like good quality jeans and tshirts.[/QUOTE]

Yes its quite interesting and illuminating if we can honestly ask ourselves why we do what we do. As I have got older I have got far less concerned about what others think of me and how I look. I wear what I am comfortable in, and I just don't want to paint my face with various chemicals. I have never been one to wear make up more than just very occasionally(my mum was the same as are my 2 daughters) and my husband likes it that way. He would be fine if I wanted to wear it, but isn't worried that I don't. 

Dresses are very feminine. I wear them in the warm weather only as I hate wearing tights/panthose.:surprise: 

I guess that for me there is a balance between dressing up a lot and full make up, and not caring. I always make sure my hair is washed and tidy, I match colours, and I wouldn't go roud in sweats etc all the time, but I wouldn't feel relaxed if I felt I had to dress up and put on make up just to go out, it would be a burden to me.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> How is going to a shop without make up, as we are, disrespectful to the shop keeper?????


I think she was joking :grin2:. 

BBC News - Tesco ban on shoppers in pyjamas

(Completely unrelated but interesting story about the problem of people wearing pajamas to the supermarket). It got me thinking....wouldn't it be great if some shops had a dress code? 

I went to a vintage market in the Summer where everyone dressed up to the nines. Those that didn't really stood out. It was a great shopping experience.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

peacem said:


> I think she was joking :grin2:.
> 
> BBC News - Tesco ban on shoppers in pyjamas
> 
> ...


Oh Ok, and I cant understand how anyone could go shopping in their pyjamas, how embarrassing. How long does it take to get dressed, 2 minutes?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I feel best when I feel like I look my best. I feel dowdy without makeup and I will not leave the house without it unless I'm picking up or dropping off my youngest and won't be getting out of the car.

My very first job, back in the mid 70's I was a hostess at a restaurant and we had to wear evening gowns at night and there was a strict dress code for patrons. Unheard of today. 

Back in the early 60's no woman with self respect left the house without gloves. I have several pairs of my mother's white leather gloves, white leather evening gloves, and the super daring black leather evening gloves, alas I have no place to wear them.

When someone questions why you're not dressed the way they are, realize that their question comes from their anxiety that you aren't the same as them. Reply with, "I like being dressed up. I simply like it."


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

peacem said:


> So....why does this irritate some people. I went to lunch with my friends last week. We go to a small bistro type place that is fairly expensive. I wore a blue pencil skirt, cashmere jumper, tights and boots. Both my friends asked me if I was going for a job interview ....[sarcastic]....to me I this was a fairly casual winter look. One asked me why I dress up so much?! :surprise: When I asked what is it about me that looks over-dressed she looked me up and down and said it was the skirt :|.
> 
> This isn't the first time..it seems to happen to me so frequently that it shakes my confidence. I went to a 50th birthday party, it was during the day so I wore a simple navy blue skater dress and small strappy heals - and the first thing someone said to me is 'Why are you wearing a dress? Going somewhere later?'. Do people not dress up for parties anymore?


That's so rude of them to say those comments. 

There is nothing wrong with dressing up for occasions, I have more dresses than casual clothes. It's part of the fun of going to these events, the dressing up, getting ready, it makes me feel good and happy! 

Your fashion sounds amazing to me, I bet the people saying those comments are a tad jealous. 












Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Back in the early 60's no woman with self respect left the house without gloves. I have several pairs of my mother's white leather gloves, white leather evening gloves, and the super daring black leather evening gloves, alas I have no place to wear them.


Sure you do! Wear them for sex dress up night!! Then peel them off like a stripper for the main event!

Oh wait....they were your mom's so that might not be as sexy.....

Ok never mind, go buy some from a thrift store!

I have some long silk ones in my sex closet. :laugh:


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Anon Pink said:


> I feel best when I feel like I look my best. I feel dowdy without makeup and I will not leave the house without it unless I'm picking up or dropping off my youngest and won't be getting out of the car.
> 
> My very first job, back in the mid 70's I was a hostess at a restaurant and we had to wear evening gowns at night and there was a strict dress code for patrons. Unheard of today.
> 
> ...


Why do you feel dowdy without make up? Its just the real you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> How is going to a shop without make up, as we are, disrespectful to the shop keeper?????


The baker takes pride in their work. If you show up dressed in sweats and running shoes/plastic flip-flops with your hair in a ratty pony tail and not a trace of even lipstick, they'll get the impression that you're going to take their product and slop the hogs. Then, you won't get the tastiest and prettiest yummies. The same with dining in a restaurant - if you don't want to be seated by the kitchen, then don't show up wearing dirty jeans and a crummy sweatshirt.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> The baker takes pride in their work. If you show up dressed in sweats and running shoes/plastic flip-flops with your hair in a ratty pony tail and not a trace of even lipstick, they'll get the impression that you're going to take their product and slop the hogs. Then, you won't get the tastiest and prettiest yummies. The same with dining in a restaurant - if you don't want to be seated by the kitchen, then don't show up wearing dirty jeans and a crummy sweatshirt.


Yes but you are talking about one extreme or the other. Most of us are somewhere in the middle.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I live in an affluent part of San Diego. In my little area, you'll see men and women dressed mostly in jeans and some sort of faded t-shirt or other crappy shirt. That's your 'middle'. I garden in better clothes.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Why do you feel dowdy without make up? Its just the real you.


The real me also tends to stink if I don't bathe often enough, which is why I bathe frequently. The real me has stinky arm pits, which is why I use deodorant. The real me has dry flaky skin which is why I moisturize everywhere every day, sometimes more. The real me feels most comfortable when I'm putting my best foot forward. 

Your question is a perfect example of someone who puts little effort into their own appearance and feels judged because of it, so she preemptively judges others for putting forth effort.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

peacem said:


> Again, we go to theater fairly regularly and everyone wears jeans and hoodies. I always wear a dress and a smart jacket. My sister once told me I was over-dressed. But if I am paying £30 for a ticket, *I want to make an evening of it if that makes sense (particularly as I am a SAHM, you make those opportunities count).*


I totally get this.. you probably don't get out too much.. so when you do.. you want to look your best... you look forward to a night out ! 

I love dresses too.. always did.. just be yourself.... if you show friendliness, a pleasant attitude wherever you go.. even if a little over dressed (in their minds).. these things would quickly fade into the background...do you find that the case.. even if the comments come on when you 1st arrive ??


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> I live in an affluent part of San Diego. In my little area, you'll see men and women dressed mostly in jeans and some sort of faded t-shirt or other crappy shirt. That's your 'middle'. I garden in better clothes.


Not that's not my middle. I wear clean casual/smart casual clothes.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Anon Pink said:


> The real me also tends to stink if I don't bathe often enough, which is why I bathe frequently. The real me has stinky arm pits, which is why I use deodorant. The real me has dry flaky skin which is why I moisturize everywhere every day, sometimes more. The real me feels most comfortable when I'm putting my best foot forward.
> 
> Your question is a perfect example of someone who puts little effort into their own appearance and feels judged because of it, so she preemptively judges others for putting forth effort.


I was taking about the fact that you said you feel dowdy without make up. Not sure how that changed to personal hygiene? 
No I don't feel judged at all. I don't wear make up because I don't see the point in putting all those chemicals on my face.I certainly don't feel dowdy without it and I think its sad that some women do. I wish they could like themselves and feel valued as they are. I also have a husband who loves me as I am and loves my face as it is.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I used to wear three piece suits and would not think of going to a restaurant without a suit and tie on. Could be due to the social circle I travelled with as all of my friends did the same. I would buy my wife a new dress every time we went out to a party or new club. She had a large walk-in closet filled with dresses from very conservative to club ****ty.

We used to live in NYC so there were plenty of places you could wear a dress and it was expected. Now we moved to a rural area and shorts and a top with sandals is all that is required. To find a dress up restaurant we would have to travel two towns over and even then, there is just one place where people dress up. None of the 100+ restaurants around here require you to dress up and due to being tropical, you rarely see a dress or suit. Shorts or capris for the women with a nice blouse is more than acceptable wear.

We went to a wedding last year as well as some anniversary parties. Shorts and a top was the dress code for most. Some guys wore long pants but they are the same guys who never wear shorts or outside of the pants shirts due to living in the 1940's. The tropical weather dictates that we dress for comfort and I do. I used to have a closet filled with suits and long pants. Now I just have one pair of black Dockers and no suits at all. For formal occasions I wear a Ralph Laurent Polo shirt, tan shorts and black New Balance sneakers. That is as dressed up as I have gotten in the last 6 years. I have not seen my wife in a dress for the last 6 years too and she has some very expensive and beautiful dresses. Even some sexy ones that draw attention from all the guys. Now they are just collecting dust. Capris and a blouse is what she wears. She had not worn high heeled shoes in the last 6 years either. Has a $5000 mink stole that she ended up giving away. I only wear shorts and a tee shirt every day. I have 6 pairs of the same shorts and about 20 graphic tees with about 30 polo shirts. I do not own a pair of shoes, just sandals and sneakers.

The world is changing. My company used to insist on business wear but now jeans and whatever else you want to wear is OK. Times change. I remember a time when all men wore hats. You were not dressed properly if you did not wear a hat.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Another male perspective, About the time I was 40 I stopped wearing polo shirts completely. I've been known to wear a tee on occasion but it is usually because I'm working in the heat and I took off the button up shirt I was wearing over it. I prefer long sleeves but wear short in the summer. If I'm wearing a suit or jacket or sweater I will go ahead and wear a tie with it. I really think it is for me a matter of age. I had to go out and buy a pair of Jeans a few years ago just to fit in with a group of younger men I was volunteering with. 
My Community leans to cowboy. I've never owned a pair of Cowboy boots.
Oh, and @Vinnydee I wear a hat if I'm outdoors, never a ball cap, rarely a cowboy.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> I was taking about the fact that you said you feel dowdy without make up. Not sure how that changed to personal hygiene?
> No I don't feel judged at all. I don't wear make up because I don't see the point in putting all those chemicals on my face.I certainly don't feel dowdy without it and I think its sad that some women do. I wish they could like themselves and feel valued as they are. I also have a husband who loves me as I am and loves my face as it is.





You wanted to know why "just being the real me" would cause me to feel dowdy. I explained.

If anyone puts on make up so that their husband will love them, they've already lost him and I think women know that. You suggesting otherwise is insulting to women.

To suggest women who wear make up or take pleasure in dressing up don't value themselves is also insulting. 

To suggest make up (and you didn't qualify your statement so it must be assumed to mean all make up) is unhealthy for skin is not only wrong but...insulting to women assuming we would happily destroy our skin in order to pinker our cheeks. 

To attempt to disguise your judginess with false concern is also insulting.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

peacem said:


> This is almost exactly the dress I wore in terms of shape and colour
> 
> **Textured Skater Dress by Oh My Love - Topshop
> 
> ...


Nice dress, I think you should continue to dress up as you like and enjoy it as well.

My wife and I had a friend who died 2 years ago when she was 77, yet despite living in a remote rural town she always dressed very well, without any care for what others thought.

My wife also dresses well and I am very happy that she does.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I think those questions are incredibly rude. I used to get the same sort of remarks from my so-called friends. I don't dress up a lot anymore outside of work, but back in the day I always took care with what I wore. I remember one of my friends, when we were going to look at an apartment with other friend, asked me with disdain, why do you always dress up? We're just looking at apartments. I am not sure if she thought I was trying to show her up or what. But I agree with the others who say that it is insecurity on the others' part when they ask you questions like these. I find it incredibly offensive. Dress like you want! If it makes you feel good, do it. Don't ever let anyone else's insecurities or asinine questions sway you from being you.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Personal said:


> Nice dress, I think you should continue to dress up as you like and enjoy it as well.
> 
> My wife and I had a friend who died 2 years ago when she was 77, yet despite living in a remote rural town she always dressed very well, without any care for what others thought.
> 
> ...


I like your wife's style. Very feminine.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I dress nicely when I go out. I like being feminine and pretty. And people do treat you better when you are dressed nicely. Impressions do count.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We live at the beach, a major tourist destination. Most people wear shorts, sandals, and t-shirts year round, appropriately, or (IMO, usually) not.

We tend to dress nicely compared to the usual for this area. Fortunately, we don't get negative comments.

To me, dressing nicely is a sign of respect and appreciation for each other, and shows respect and appreciation for the place and people we're visiting.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> Nice dress, I think you should continue to dress up as you like and enjoy it as well.
> 
> My wife and I had a friend who died 2 years ago when she was 77, yet despite living in a remote rural town she always dressed very well, without any care for what others thought.
> 
> ...


yes I wear dresses like that in the warmer weather. I Like to be feminine.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I think that we all have very different ideas here of what dressing up is. I wear feminine dresses all summer, some full length and some just below the knee, I don't see that as dressing up, just staying cool as trousers would be too warm. I would never go out in dirty clothes or tatty clothes, or with my hair unbrushed or dirty etc, but for me 'dressing up' is what I may do for a wedding for example or for a big evening event.
For every day life I like to look nice but comfortable, and not have to spend an hour getting dressed and made up just to go shopping.


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