# Just got home from a cruise



## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

The wife and I just got back from an eastern Carribean cruise. This should have been a great experience. Actually it was quite depressing.

1st. She paid for the cruise. Had very little money to spend. This made me feel bad for even eating some things that were in our refrigerator. 

2nd. They had a Love & Marriage game which was much like the old Newlywed Game. Hearing the questions & answers, really showed me exactly where we are. One question asked of the contestants was, to the wife..What do you do to get your husband in the meed for woopie?"... If asked, my wife would have to answer "Nothing" if she was truthfull

3rd. Looking at the around 2000 coouples on the ship, it was apparent they actyally enjoyed each others' company. Looking at the expressions on my wife's face, she wasn't all that happy either.

4th. After events earlier in the year, the cruise spent my last 5 vacation days of the year.

Okay, venting is over!


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Why are you treating your money as so separate?


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

We have three accounts. Hers, mine and ours.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

A cruise with my family was one of the last nails in the coffin of our marriage. That's when it became glaringly obvious that we had absolutely no interest in each other in pretty much any way whatsoever. Even my flaky youngest cousin commented on how we never touched or really even spoke to each other. I think her comment was that if she didn't know for a fact we were married, should wouldn't even think we knew each other. She was more correct than she realized and within 9 months, I'd moved out and filed.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I have a therapist session this afternoon. It will be interesting.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I just don't understand how a married couple can go on a vacation together where one of them "doesn't have money to spend" and the other one does. That's just such a bizarre way of thinking about your marriage that I can't even fathom it. She "paid for" the cruise with "her money", so you can't enjoy it since you don't have enough of "your money"? Why even take a trip together?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Or maybe the way to frame it is, "Why even be married if you're just going to be stingy with each other and act like you're living parallel separate lives?" How long have you been married anyway?


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Too long! 14 years


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My ex and I went to Cancun together to try to work on things. It was a disaster. We'd have been better off going separately but with someone else!


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

That's awful! I would hate to ever feel that way about my SO. 

So sorry...


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

dormant said:


> Too long! 14 years


How long have things been "bad"? Were they ever good?


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

It never was what could be called great. Not really good since around 2001.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Any kids? Still in the house with you?


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Kids are all grown and away from the house.


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## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

What is it about vacations? The only two times I've been away with my husband have been my two worst vacation experiences. I wonder if being on holidays just magnifies the issues a couple normally have at home? All the usual excuses for neglecting your partner (busy/working/tired/stressed/kids/no time/etc) are moot, so when you don't have a fun, relaxing week away, it becomes obvious that the excuses are all BS and the reality is that you're just not compatible.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I agree Mrs...


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Well, a marriage that has been bad for 12 years out of 14 sounds tough to fix, and with no kids in the picture you have one less reason to. What keeps you together, in your opinion?


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## LIDad (Oct 14, 2013)

John Lee said:


> Well, a marriage that has been bad for 12 years out of 14 sounds tough to fix, and with no kids in the picture you have one less reason to. What keeps you together, in your opinion?



I have to agree.

I'm a new poster (just made my first post today - having problems of my own  ) but in my case, I think - at least for the moment - we're only together because our kids are still young. If we are still together when they leave the nest, who knows? I don't even see it making it that long, but if it does, I strongly feel one of us is going to just say "OK, I'm out"....

First, I want to say that I am sorry to the OP for his situation. However, if there are no kids anymore, I would say that it's time to end it. If the last 12 out of 14 years haven't been that great, what are the odds of it getting any better? I'm sorry but that's my take on it....


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I actually do not like going on vacations with my wife. A weekend getaway is fine but if we spend much more time than that with just the two of us it becomes glaringly obvious how little patience she has for alone time with me. It really is humiliating to be quite honest.

Of course getaways with her friends are loads of fun!


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## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

dormant said:


> Kids are all grown and away from the house.


How old are your kids if you've only been together for 14 years?


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## Jingles (Jun 24, 2013)

You are a dirty pig


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

dormant said:


> Kids are all grown and away from the house.


This is supposed to be some of your BEST years together. My kids are grown and gone. You would think we just got married. It's been 11 years BTW, we each have ex-spouses.

We did a cruise earlier this year and had the best time, but I think the reason is because we love one another's company and we have fun together. 

I'm with John Lee... why go on vacation with a person you can hardly stand? Why spend the money? This goes for both of you.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Sorry for the delay of replying. I've Not been on. Way too bust. In response to the inquiry about kids. My two are in their 30's and so is her one.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Jeezus, man, no kids involved, why do you stay? 

Do you think you can't do any better than this current nightmare?


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

It basically comes down to money right now.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

dormant said:


> It basically comes down to money right now.


Financial dependence is keeping you in this? That's really sad.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Common story.

Vacations are the WORST when spouses are unhappy & don't really enjoy each other's company. Too many expectations to have fun. Too many happy couples to covet. It's a recipe for disaster.

Just avoid them until you can get your marriage sorted out.


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