# I have a sexless marriage



## strawberry111 (Nov 6, 2012)

I just joined this site and I am in desperate need of some real advice. I am have been married for 18 years. I am 45 and a very attractive woman and so is my husband. We have 2 beautiful children and are well off financially. On the outside, we have it all...except SEX. It has been a little over 5 years. And in year 6 or 7 it was only once or twice. He was never very sexual as I was but this to me is not normal. I thought he was cheating, I thought he was gay and now I just dont know what to think. We have talked about it lightly I use to bring up all the time he says he wants it back but never anything happens. I think we just dont desire each other that way. We love and care about each other and our family is important so we keep on trucking on. No intimacy or closeness is leaving me lonely. I had found some sites on his computer on an apple mac and he said they were pop ups from porn sites which i know can happen i guess. I found erotic massage parlors, fling.com, adultfriendfinder.com, meet locals.com... but he not the type to do that. But to me something is strange. His computer and phone are password locked. He knew I had password to computer and now is changed. The gay part comes in cause he is not very MANLY. He good looking but just a little too perfect. way he looks and dresses etc, I have hired PI for few days,,,,nothing I have put recorder in car in morning ....nothing. He is a very smart man and owns a business so who knows, or is he just the good family man that doesnt care about sex. I need help on how to find out what is going on!!! I asked if he gay or seeing escorts or anything he said no. Please help people. Thank u. I have been contemplating leaving for 5 years but am just afraid to be on own . He provides so well and does everything.


----------



## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Does he have sexual performance anxiety?


----------



## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

strawberry111 said:


> I just joined this site and I am in desperate need of some real advice. I am have been married for 18 years. I am 45 and a very attractive woman and so is my husband. We have 2 beautiful children and are well off financially. On the outside, we have it all...except SEX. It has been a little over 5 years. And in year 6 or 7 it was only once or twice. He was never very sexual as I was but this to me is not normal. I thought he was cheating, I thought he was gay and now I just dont know what to think. We have talked about it lightly I use to bring up all the time he says he wants it back but never anything happens. I think we just dont desire each other that way. We love and care about each other and our family is important so we keep on trucking on. No intimacy or closeness is leaving me lonely. I had found some sites on his computer on an apple mac and he said they were pop ups from porn sites which i know can happen i guess. I found erotic massage parlors, fling.com, adultfriendfinder.com, meet locals.com... but he not the type to do that. But to me something is strange. His computer and phone are password locked. He knew I had password to computer and now is changed. The gay part comes in cause he is not very MANLY. He good looking but just a little too perfect. way he looks and dresses etc, I have hired PI for few days,,,,nothing I have put recorder in car in morning ....nothing. He is a very smart man and owns a business so who knows, or is he just the good family man that doesnt care about sex. I need help on how to find out what is going on!!! I asked if he gay or seeing escorts or anything he said no. Please help people. Thank u. I have been contemplating leaving for 5 years but am just afraid to be on own . He provides so well and does everything.


Normally pop-ups don't show in history unless he visits those sites.... also even if they do it means he was surfing in the general category of the pop-up most likely.

I believe it shows intent.. and that hes stupid for not clearing the evidence out.

Doesn't mean he's actually doing it and connecting with others but I believe he's actively thinking about it.

Seems he's not satisfied with sex with you and is seeking it elsewhere


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Does it matter whether he's gay or cheating or just not interested? He's got a wife with needs. He is aware of those needs and he has the ability to satisfy them. He chooses not to and has for years. How can someone claim to love their wife while simultaneously refusing to meet their most basic human needs? That's like claiming that someone's a good mother except she never feeds her baby. It's abuse. It's cruel. It's dehumanizing. There is no excuse for it. He can be a caring father and a good provider while divorced.


----------



## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Have you ever tried marriage counseling?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, you need to dig a little deeper to see his activities online. The two of you should be open books to each other and fully transparent. There shouldn't be any secrets or the expectation of privacy for married couples. The fact that you've found these sites popping up all over his computer and now he's changed the passwords to his computer and phone should be huge red flags.

Won't be surprised if this thread has to be moved to the "Coping with Infidelity" forum (CWI).


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

"We have talked about it lightly"

Seriously? You haven't had sex in 5 years and you talk "lightly" about it?

How about "Look, honey. I need to get laid on a regular basis. I know you've been looking at strange websites. Get your head out of your a$$, figure out what the problem is and start manning up in bed!"

"Light" enough for you?


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

You can't be afraid to leave. 5 years without sex is ridiculous.


----------

