# Tit for tat perhaps but I forecasted it anyway, thoughts?



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Now we know I did buy a motorcycle.

DW added to the topic; "if you buy a motorcycle I'm having the cleaning ladies come in every two weeks on a regular basis".

Now, I'm a huge believer in shared finances in a good marriage, and although I always pay the bills it's because she doesn't want to do it, but she's a good reminder, and I don't mind that. What's mine is ours, and all that.

Kids, family, grandkids, all that, she does all the gifts buying and is head relationships caretaker. But, I've always her Birthday and our anniversary, although I missed maybe three anniversaries. But over all I'm pretty good on taking care of her, I just can't manage the rest to well and count on her.

Except for hunting, fishing, etc, I do that with the boys, have done all our lives. 

So personally I'm really and truly a believer that I work (to try and do my part in God's plan for me and family) to supply what we need and creature comforts as practical. And to be thankful for our family more than stuff, but stuff can be ok.

I've never cared if she spent money as necessary, if we had it, and needed something, money well spent, thankful we have it, etc.

And she's always been practical, and we always discuss big purchases.

On my side I'm a bit freer in not discussing to death getting things, like boats, guitars, amps, etc., I responsibly get stuff here and there.

It's not like I do it all the time though, mostly scattered throughout our 34yrs. marriage. 

Most everything has always gone for homes, family, household etc and still does, cause I believe it should be that way in a good team union etc.

But, although I'm not opposed to it, and DW's knee is still healing, so it's really a help, she announced she compared four companies pricing and is having the cleaning people now come every two weeks starting next week. 

Her rationalization is "if you can buy a motorcycle I can have get regularly scheduled cleaning crew." But I'd say ok anyway, but that's DW.

Now, honestly I believe it is a help to our "team of two", she's always done the bulk of cleaning although she "schedules my help every couple months" for major stuff, couple hours, and I'm happy to help.

Day to day stuff my only job is to empty the dishwasher and take out the garbage. 

But I maintain the house and yard and utilities. 

So, I'm just throwing all this out there, taking the time to write, a little amused, just sharing. 

Actually I'm waiting for supper, yes she does the cooking.

So, do you kind folks think this is a little tit for tat, or timing that is right, DW just took the opportunity to pull the trigger?

I have my own opinion because I can read her like a well loved book after all this time.

This cleaning thing doesn't surprise me, but time to time she does on other things. We are opposites in some ways and truly when we're talking about stuff, she thinks of things from a different perspective and often comes up with different tilts/ideas from mine. 

A long boring story!! 😂😂😂 Just sharing a bit about my life I guess, writing does help me situate things in my own mind.

Durn, I wrote a lot! Sorry. 😎😍😍😍


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

*update-*

Please no bashing as I’m only telling cause in a way it helps me move on.
Not that I haven’t, but saying it helps. For those who’ve followed or advised on my On/Off posts re my guy friend. Well, I think the higher power was trying to tell me something-like I didn’t kinda know but sometimes you need to see it.

The guy who was on and off with his girl? You know the one that would text explicit things as of last week. Wanting me to you know.. 
well today, I see a public post and the pic of the contact looks familiar.
I pull the post up and it’s my guy friend! It’s a profile pic of her, him and her kids. She posts- Garage Sale! Boyfriend moving in. 

Wow. And just last week he wanted me to play with something. Nothing ever happened but still. Guess he figured out something lol
This post is mostly for the ones who given me advice. You know who you are. 
And all the years of him saying he’ll never get married, never let s woman take my money, yada yada 
Hmmm looks like you lied.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I'd say you got off easy. Mine told me she wanted a motorcycle and needed to learn how to ride. After she got her license, she bought herself a sporty and then a deuce. So, comme ci, comme ca.

This does not surprise me. She wants something to help her relax. Someone else doing the cleaning will help her do that. It will give her more time. She will have to fill it with something. 

This is a caution. It is not a warning. Keep eyes open and mouth shut. You leave her at home when you go for a ride. She gets to do something at home. You get to have fun. She wants to have fun. 

I'd sell it and chalk it up to life's little twists and turns that afford a greater knowledge of partnerships. 

I was waiting for this type of thread from you. Some options are available. What do you think those are? What would you tell me, if I came here with these concerns? 

Post what you would tell me or someone you do not know.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> I'd say you got off easy. Mine told me she wanted a motorcycle and needed to learn how to ride. After she got her license, she bought herself a sporty and then a deuce. So, comme ci, comme ca.
> 
> This does not surprise me. She wants something to help her relax. Someone else doing the cleaning will help her do that. It will give her more time. She will have to fill it with something.
> 
> ...


Interesting thoughts, and I'd agree with all but the sell it part, if I was outside looking in.

If I had to comment, I'd say there's a possibility W wants to feel better about allotting some money for this seeming luxury (but it's not a luxury because floors and windows, baseboards, etc are harder to upkeep now that we're older) and used this as a vehicle to perhaps emotionally cross that bridge of comfort in spending our money for something we've (she, mostly, God love her) always did ourselves.

Or, I'm full of crapola, or a little right, or half right, mixed with a little dose of "I'm going to get something I want too", of which I fully expected and planned for.

I knew it would come, and am glad to be able to do this. DW is certainly deserving of good things, without me having to even say it, my approval isn't needed for that to be true.

We're getting along fine, sex is frequent and at-will, no non-communication issues, so there's no real issue. 

I'm her biggest fan, and always say that to her. She knows I'm mostly independent in things but also rock solid in life's ups and downs. 

DW knows I want her along for life's ride and she's happy to come and help push when needed. 

I do believe I'm just ruminating more on things as I get older, which is a good thing I believe.

And trying to keep getting better understanding relationships, certainly even mine, which is still working out fine, I'm just not always sure why it works so well.

I always chalk it up as "hey I'm a great guy" but it takes two to tango in good things, too.

But I still haven't gotten all the wild hairs out of my system, may it never be. Years ago her comments were I was rough around the edges but solid on the road to going somewhere in life and never quit.

Gotta love her. We've had a lot of blessings in our lives, Along with life's bumps and bruises.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I don't know your wife but if it were me in this situation it would be that I wanted to hire them anyway and jumping in at this moment made me feel like I wasn't totally selfish in asking. You got something you want, now I get something I want and we're both happy.

For the record, I have cleaners come every other week. It's money well spent. Housework is exhausting and if your wife has a bum knee it's probably painful for her as well. If she's doing all the cooking and picking up and laundry, I think it's fair to get a cleaner. In my case, it's costs me less than what I make at work in one hour so I consider it well worth the money. I have 2 women come in and it takes them about 3.5 hours to get it all done. That would take me alone 7 hours or lets face it longer...I'm not as good at it as them. I'd rather spend that time with my kids or doing something else that's needed around the house. 

My mother hired them years ago and found out she hated it. Your wife might end up feeling the same way, but give it a shot. You might find you love it.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

So she'll have more free time. Leverage some sex in with it.

If you don't you're a daisy.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Marc878 said:


> So she'll have more free time. Leverage some sex in with it.
> 
> If you don't you're a daisy.


Now there's a thought...she won't be as tired all the time :laugh:


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Interesting thoughts, and I'd agree with all but the sell it part, if I was outside looking in.
> 
> If I had to comment, I'd say there's a possibility W wants to feel better about allotting some money for this seeming luxury (but it's not a luxury because floors and windows, baseboards, etc are harder to upkeep now that we're older) and used this as a vehicle to perhaps emotionally cross that bridge of comfort in spending our money for something we've (she, mostly, God love her) always did ourselves.
> 
> ...


Sounds like everything is fine. But I do find the "tit-for-tat" aspect of it a little odd. "I'm getting the house keepers SINCE you got the motorcycle." sounds like either she _is_ a little miffed about the bike, *or * maybe she has trouble giving herself permission to treat herself well (as in get housekeeper if you can afford it and she wants/needs it). If the latter is the case, maybe you could be alert for things that she might really want/need but not bring up because she's more naturally frugal/self-depriving than you are and suggest them to her. Let her feel pampered by you a little bit instead of waiting for you to pamper yourself and then feel she has the right to ask for something.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> Sounds like everything is fine. But I do find the "tit-for-tat" aspect of it a little odd. "I'm getting the house keepers SINCE you got the motorcycle." sounds like either she _is_ a little miffed about the bike, *or * maybe she has trouble giving herself permission to treat herself well (as in get housekeeper if you can afford it and she wants/needs it). If the latter is the case, maybe you could be alert for things that she might really want/need but not bring up because she's more naturally frugal/self-depriving than you are and suggest them to her. * Let her feel pampered by you a little bit instead of waiting for you to pamper yourself and then feel she has the right to ask for something.*


I agree. Spend some free time pampering her. It will be good for both of you, Ragnar. She won't feel quite as neglected. I sort of feel like she thinks she is going to be neglected. I also agree that she probably doesn't do enough for herself. She seems like she might be preparing herself for the worst. Reassurance is a good thing. Love her in action. I know you already do, but it gets lost in the day to day things of life.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

I have a never ending supply of tat that I trade for tits. Fair trade. Men want tits, women want tat. Whatever tat is depends on the woman. But if you're getting some tits it worth the tat.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If you can afford the cleaners then you should have had them before this. 
Having money for nice things is all very well but having money to pay someone else to the things that you don’t want to is better. 
I like walking in the woods or the park with my toddler every morning rather than doing laundry or vacuuming. So I pay someone to do that work for me. Same with the garden.
How many hours of cleaning will the bike pay for anyway?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Be prepared for your wife to have you help her do a whirlwind cleaning the night before the cleaning lady comes. It's a woman thing.:grin2:


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What's interesting is that you are even referencing a tit-for-tat situation. I know you already think you deserve to have your supper made for you; but, are you just a little peeved that you're not the only one who gets a little something extra? 

A true tit-for-tat would be a nice diamond ring for your bike. Not help with cleaning which benefits you, too.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> What's interesting is that you are even referencing a tit-for-tat situation. I know you already think you deserve to have your supper made for you; but, are you just a little peeved that you're not the only one who gets a little something extra?
> 
> A true tit-for-tat would be a nice diamond ring for your bike. Not help with cleaning which benefits you, too.


And you are indeed right.

Now, I've bought her jewelry throughout the years, was my go to gifts for birthdays and anniversaries, and Christmases, until she said stop buying her jewelry. 

I'd would buy her more now, but she wouldn't get the enjoyment out of it I'd be hoping for.

I do feel another trip coming on, cause she asked me about taking some days for us to fly up and see her brother near DC.

Which is fine. It will be doing something DW wants because truly I have no desire to go. 

It will be a good time. DW treats every outing as an adventure, and I do, with her, but I traveled flying so much for business in early career I still see flying as a job, nothing special. 

The time spent together will be fun. We went to Europe for two weeks a couple years ago. That was a fun trip.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

It sounds a bit like tit for tat, even if her gift to herself was something practical that benefitted both of you. 

Buying herself a new car or plastic surgery would have been more equal, if that was what she was going for.

Does she feel free to buy large ticket items that are only for her? Has she actually bought an item for herself that cost multiple 10's of thousands of dollars?

Just curious.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Not multiple 10s, unless counting her car. Nor I either, not counting trucks/vehicles.

She did decide to buy one son a new (used) truck without bringing up ahead of time, but that was fine, she knew I'd say money well spent in that case. He was in college at the time.

She just up and bought that sucker. 

Now, I've apparently bought more women's shoes and clothes than a small department store, but I've bought a lot of expensive suits and ties for work. 

So we really are quite practical most of the time. 

I'm the one that goes off the rails time to time, not about money spending mostly, but heading out to do stuff with friends. She is understanding, I beg forgiveness and confess my undying love, then we're good. 

But not chasing women, that's a not kind of thing.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Since she doesn't spend large amounts of money on herself, you could hand her a wad of cash, the same amount you spent on your motorcycle, and with a smile, tell her that it is hers to spend on herself, not on anyone else. She won't argue with that, and maybe she'll let go of her (secret) issue with the motorcycle.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

lucy999 said:


> Be prepared for your wife to have you help her do a whirlwind cleaning the night before the cleaning lady comes. It's a woman thing.:grin2:


This is true. House cleaners clean, they don't tidy. And everything needs to be put away and tidy in order for them to be able to clean properly. If you keep up with keeping things tidy you don't have to have the whirlwind cleaning the night before. I just got my house ready for tomorrow...it took me 5 minutes. When I was in the main house with my kids, it would take at least an hour, maybe more.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> What's interesting is that you are even referencing a tit-for-tat situation. I know you already think you deserve to have your supper made for you; but, are you just a little peeved that you're not the only one who gets a little something extra?
> 
> *A true tit-for-tat would be a nice diamond ring for your bike.* Not help with cleaning which benefits you, too.


Why would his bike need a diamond ring?

I have so many tits/tats comments that I need to curb it here... >


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> This is true. House cleaners clean, they don't tidy. And everything needs to be put away and tidy in order for them to be able to clean properly. If you keep up with keeping things tidy you don't have to have the whirlwind cleaning the night before. I just got my house ready for tomorrow...it took me 5 minutes. When I was in the main house with my kids, it would take at least an hour, maybe more.


I'm digging this, yesterday I came home and the house was all picked up.
Interesting. I'd forgotten that part.

I keep misc xtronic gadgets out for convenience, yet yesterday they were all put back on my dresser.

😉


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Why would his bike need a diamond ring?
> 
> I have so many tits/tats comments that I need to curb it here... >


Ha! 

This was my first thought!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> Since she doesn't spend large amounts of money on herself, you could hand her a wad of cash, the same amount you spent on your motorcycle, and with a smile, tell her that it is hers to spend on herself, not on anyone else. She won't argue with that, and maybe she'll let go of her (secret) issue with the motorcycle.


If I gave her a motorcycle size wad of cash like that she'd think I was trying to make things go smoothly while planning to leave her!

After her coronary, I'd have a coronary trying to help her, or she'd kill me in my sleep because she'd think I was fooling around trying to ease my guilty conscience, this would kill one or both of us!!

So, in practice, I'm against that thought. 

Not in theory, but in practical application. 

She'd be sure I was guilty of something and I'd have to sleep with one eye open for the next few years.

I've given her a couple thousand at a time, that even pushed the limit and her first words were "what did you do" ? But mostly kidding.

I usually give her all my bonus checks for the last 20 yrs, just because it makes me happy when she's surprised.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If I gave her a motorcycle size wad of cash like that she'd think I was trying to make things go smoothly while planning to leave her!
> 
> I don't understand that logic. Usually people who are planning on leaving aren't generous with their spouse, they are secretly hiding money for themselves. But you know your wife, :smile2:
> 
> ...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> If I gave her a motorcycle size wad of cash like that she'd think I was trying to make things go smoothly while planning to leave her!
> *
> I don't understand that logic. Usually people who are planning on leaving aren't generous with their spouse, they are secretly hiding money for themselves. But you know your wife, *
> 
> ...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> *Why would his bike need a diamond ring?*
> 
> I have so many tits/tats comments that I need to curb it here... >


Bike bling. It's a thing - trust me! Just ask Cindy.:grin2:


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Why would his bike need a diamond ring?
> 
> I have so many tits/tats comments that I need to curb it here... >


... Because everything in a girl's life needs diamonds, that's why. Diamonds are a girl's best friend :x

And seriously--who's stopping the tit/tat comments? I for one could use a jocular comment about tits and tats.  I highly doubt the peanut gallery would do aught but spit coffee on the screen if you laid some verbiage on us about tits OR tats...or tits WITH tats...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: update-*



Sue4473 said:


> Please no bashing as I’m only telling cause in a way it helps me move on.
> Not that I haven’t, but saying it helps. For those who’ve followed or advised on my On/Off posts re my guy friend. Well, I think the higher power was trying to tell me something-like I didn’t kinda know but sometimes you need to see it.
> 
> The guy who was on and off with his girl? You know the one that would text explicit things as of last week. Wanting me to you know..
> ...


He reversed course, of course, he 'blew you' off.

That said, he loved what you represented.

Yuck on him.

If you have some recent emails from him, let his GF see them.
She should know, the _low_life needs to be blown off, not with loving lips, but with _high_ heels to the rear.





[THM]- The Typist I


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Enjoy your motor sickle.

Slow down in curves and on freeway exit ramps.
Avoid gravel covered roads and bridges with deep lengthwise grooves.

Watch out for drivers turning in front of you, especially at intersections.

Drive defensively.

Always expect the other drivers not to see you.
Always expect the cage drivers not to respect you.

Be paranoid in traffic.

Don't drink and ride, uh, just don't!





[THM]- THRD


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Ragnar Ragnasson might she have been teasing you a little bit, making a small joke?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> Bike bling. It's a thing - trust me! Just ask Cindy.:grin2:


And I thought *I* was her "bike bling"! 🤣


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> @Ragnar Ragnasson might she have been teasing you a little bit, making a small joke?


Pretty much it.

But an outcome is now we have the cleaning ladies starting twice a month. 

Imho, and cause I know and love her....she is just taking this "opportunity" to pull the trigger on a actually starting the house cleaners.

Pulling my leg, while pulling the trigger. 😍😍😍

Now that's funny right there!!! 🙂🙂🙂


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You can tease the cleaning team. Offer to take them for a ride on your bike! 

Mind you, a young biker I knew jokingly offered a lady of 80 a ride on his Hog. And she accepted!

Turns out she had been a keen biker up into her 60s but had stopped due to arthritis.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> And I thought *I* was her "bike bling"! 🤣


THIS is bike bling:










YOU are arm candy. There's a difference. :x

~Signed, "The Older Woman" 

P.S. I have tit tats... anyone else?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Affaircare said:


> ... Because everything in a girl's life needs diamonds, that's why. Diamonds are a girl's best friend :x
> 
> And seriously--who's stopping the tit/tat comments? I for one could use a jocular comment about tits and tats.  I highly doubt the peanut gallery would do aught but spit coffee on the screen if you laid some verbiage on us about tits OR tats...or tits WITH tats...


I knew a girl who had twelve nipples. 
Sound weird. 
Dozen tit.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I knew a girl who had twelve nipples.
> Sound weird.
> Dozen tit.


Boo - hiss. Duck, Andy: incoming tomato.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I know the discussion's basically over, but I just wanted to throw in that you may not really know your wife's inner thinkings, if this surprised you. Every year we were raising DD28, I asked for one thing: for him to take her and go away for a day or two, just so I could be alone in my house without any responsibilities, without having to be 'on' for one or both of them, so I could just up and go to lunch by myself without being asked about it, etc. 

He only did it once, after I pushed strongly (go away! go do something!), and then only for 4 hours. The point is that he wasn't tuning in to what would make me happy. 

So I wonder if you've ever had 'those' conversations - did your life turn out like you wanted, did you miss out on anything, what would you change...stuff like that. It's a great way to find more closeness, and to make sure everyone's as happy as possible.

And regarding house cleaners...there's hardly anything more wonderful than to come into a house that's cleaned top to bottom, knowing it's not your job to do it. Pure bliss, at least for me. If I could afford it, that would be the one thing I paid for.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

we have a cleaning crew in once a week. It is pretty awesome. Frees up probably 5 hours for us to do fun stuff instead.

If your wife wants someone in every other week...why not try it. As long as it is not a financial burden....who really wants to clean all the toilets and wash all the floors?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

@Talker67

Yes, and you're right on the freeing up of time. This was coming anyway for W. I say W, but us, although she takes care of the house primarily. 

The house cleaners start this Thursday. 

No worries.


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