# Masturbation vs desire for sex with spouse



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

A recent thread here got me thinking.

If a man masturbates frequently, does that *reduce* his desire for sex?

if a woman masturbates frequently does that *increase* her desire for sex?


Are these truisms or?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

It reduces my desire for about an hour or two. Quality sex will keep me satisfied quite a bit longer, but not forever. My desire isn't for an orgasm, it's for a connection.


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## Joe Cool (Feb 24, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> It reduces my desire for about an hour or two. Quality sex will keep me satisfied quite a bit longer, but not forever. My desire isn't for an orgasm, it's for a connection.


:iagree: This is solidly accurate for me. 

With some relevant exceptions, my chest fills with feelings of fullness for about 24 hours after a meaningful connection. There is no better feeling for me. 

I do not get that with self service or quickies with wife.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

At 52, and on Androgel, masturbation really does diminish my desire to be with my wife. Interestingly, the only time I masturbate is the day after I have sex with my wife. Then I don't masturbate until after I have sex again. It helps increase my desire toward a peak when I'll eventually be with my wife again in a few days. Even during shark week, I'll stick to the same routine even if she's out of service for 5 days or so. I think it helps with my quality output and her view of my desire. If my desire is high, she can feel it and I think get's off on it, in some strange way. Therefore, it's important for me to only masturbate only once in a while.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Can't help thinking about the Family Guy episode when Peter buys a magazine on the way home to "rub one out" in order to have endurance with his wife that evening. I've used that tactic countless times.


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## Joe Cool (Feb 24, 2015)

moco82 said:


> Can't help thinking about the Family Guy episode when Peter buys a magazine on the way home to "rub one out" in order to have endurance with his wife that evening. I've used that tactic countless times.


Same here. 

Using MB as an endurance technique is a different than desire but I agree with your point and also employ that as a technique. 

To follow up on the initial question about desire, if I rub one out too soon it does not help with endurance because I have FULLY RECOVERED so it has no effect on endurance or desire. 

If I do so too late it can have a temporary negative impact the desire, intensity and quality of PIV. In these cases my wife starts getting pissed I am taking too long after she gets off and that's a regretful timing failure for that session.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

UMP said:


> At 52, and on Androgel, masturbation really does diminish my desire to be with my wife. Interestingly, the only time I masturbate is the day after I have sex with my wife. Then I don't masturbate until after I have sex again. It helps increase my desire toward a peak when I'll eventually be with my wife again in a few days. Even during shark week, I'll stick to the same routine even if she's out of service for 5 days or so. I think it helps with my quality output and *her view of my desire. If my desire is high, she can feel it and I think get's off on it, in some strange way. Therefore, it's important for me to only masturbate only once in a while.*



:iagree:

Now that's the kind of awareness husbands should have and wives should enable.

Well done UMP, you're a good husband.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I tend to masturbate as a substitute for sex when I'm not getting any/enough. With past partners when I've had an active sex life, masturbation has not been necessary (unless I've done it as part of the lovemaking). Until I got married, I usually only masturbated during the times when I was single. Since getting married (bait and switch) masturbation IS my sex life  . I'm looking back with regret on my single days, at least I could have NSA sex in those days.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

I've also masturbated to take the edge off and to be able to take rejection later in the day without becoming upset. (Some of the other threads here show that some husbands react childishly--shouldn't have put all those testosterone eggs in the same basket, dude!) That evening time can be spent more productively than seeking ways to take your mind off the frustration. The trick has been to strike a balance and not let masturbation become the lazy man's substitution for the real thing.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

It never was anything but a much less satesfying outlet for me. I only did it as a way to tide me over.

Since my wife's drive picked up two years ago, I haven't done it since.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

doobie said:


> I tend to masturbate as a substitute for sex when I'm not getting any/enough. With past partners when I've had an active sex life, masturbation has not been necessary (unless I've done it as part of the lovemaking). Until I got married, I usually only masturbated during the times when I was single. Since getting married (bait and switch) masturbation IS my sex life  . I'm looking back with regret on my single days, at least I could have NSA sex in those days.


That was a big motivator for me to finally get a divorce. The drought went on for years with no end in sight.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Mans worst nightmare, you just finish masterbating. Then your wife comes home and wants sex.

And your like uh uh, please get it up. And your all mad that you couldn't wait.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Hacker said:


> *Mans worst nightmare*, you just finish masterbating. Then your* wife comes home and wants sex*.
> 
> And your like uh uh, please get it up. And your all mad that you couldn't wait.


Does not compute.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

This is going to be a little embarrassing to admit, but I have had sex with my wife - great sex in fact - then masturbated an hour later and then maybe again in the evening. On any given day, I will have a release from 2 to 4 times. My drive hadn't slowed down from my college days. That said, sex with the wife is always better than the hand.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

For many men, masturbation is the only sexual release they get, even married men.

BW (Before Wife) with previous Gf's masturbation was only ever part of foreplay. I never had to do it myself because they were all ('all' - only three!) always - more or less - very sexual creatures who loved sex and kept me, and me them, very happy.

I am now one of those guys for whom sex = masturbation. 
Its now my problem..I have no interest in sex with my wife...caused by years of her rejecting me, calling me a pervert for wanting a BJ (which she has never done) etc. Over the years she has managed to kill any sexual desire for her I ever had. 
So its now all my fault!

I'm off for a wank...


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

askari said:


> For many men, masturbation is the only sexual release they get, even married men.
> 
> BW (Before Wife) with previous Gf's masturbation was only ever part of foreplay. I never had to do it myself because they were all ('all' - only three!) always - more or less - very sexual creatures who loved sex and kept me, and me them, very happy.
> 
> ...


I'm one of those women for whom sex = masturbation  - and masturbation is far preferable to the sort of sex my H is willing to do anyway. Sex with H is too painful to be enjoyable, so at least when I masturbate, I know what I like (I listen to myself) and can have an orgasm.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good afternoon

I am in total agreement with Askari.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

amazingly MB is the only sexual activity for some men ; for me I started to design even my own toys!


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Same here as others - sex=masturbation. Wife has no drive and could go the rest of her life without sex. The last time we had sex two years ago, it was "hurry up and finish" sex on her part. Hate to admit this, but I'd rather masturbate to thoughts of the old GF who, while a nut job, also had a very high drive and would do it just about anywhere (and was loud as well, which is a major turn-on).


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

I could masturbate during the day and have sex later that night. 

So....no, doesn't affect my drive at all.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

UMP said:


> At 52, and on Androgel, masturbation really does diminish my desire to be with my wife. Interestingly, the only time I masturbate is the day after I have sex with my wife. Then I don't masturbate until after I have sex again. It helps increase my desire toward a peak when I'll eventually be with my wife again in a few days. Even during shark week, I'll stick to the same routine even if she's out of service for 5 days or so. I think it helps with my quality output and her view of my desire. If my desire is high, she can feel it and I think get's off on it, in some strange way. Therefore, it's important for me to only masturbate only once in a while.


What the heck is 'shark week'? Is that the week you're out at sea bringing in a sharkfish haul?


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Masturbation doesn't really affect my desire and I can masturbate a few times during the day and still have and enjoy sex later on if it happens. In lots of ways, it's like having multiple orgasms and when I masturbate I often come several times.


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## Nemo9nemo (Aug 16, 2013)

I enjoy masturbation and I'm a woman, is my only way to get my desire orgasm as HB has severe PE problems and always denial of his problem every time we had sex, that's just not fair to me for him reaching his destination after 20 seconds while I always felt used. I really feel like leaving this marriage but I just can't make myself to , I feel very disconnected, sexless, no intimacy nor romance in this marriage and yet I'm still here...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

jorgegene said:


> What the heck is 'shark week'? Is that the week you're out at sea bringing in a sharkfish haul?


15. Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara

14. Trolling for Vampires

13. A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy

12. Saddling Old Rusty

11. Feelin' Menstru-riffic!

10. Clean-Up in Aisle One

9. Massacre at the Y

8. T-Minus 9 Months and Holding

7. Game Day for the Crimson Tide

6. Panty Shields Up, Captain!

5. Taking Carrie to the Prom

4. Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band

3. Ordering l'Omelette Rouge

2. Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp

1. Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good morning

I am now taking the view that by MB'ing I am ML to one that I love, if my W will not engage in ML, then I am making love to the one I love. Not what I wanted but that is the way life is.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Nemo9nemo said:


> I enjoy masturbation and I'm a woman, is my only way to get my desire orgasm as HB has severe PE problems and always denial of his problem every time we had sex, that's just not fair to me for him reaching his destination after 20 seconds while I always felt used. I really feel like leaving this marriage but I just can't make myself to , I feel very disconnected, sexless, no intimacy nor romance in this marriage and yet I'm still here...


Nemo , i am sorry to hear that is happening to you ; nobody can claim the pain except when we haev it ; I have been into a sexless marriage since 2004.

I always wonder , is it really their physical/mental illness or their selfishness ?

Can't a spouse sacrifice giving orall , rubbing , whatever to their spouses ? if my wife gave me anything every one week or so at least , you wouldn't find me here !


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I can only speak for myself but the more I have the more I want in any form. I have never masterbated the the point I want less sex. I always want more. Beside masterbation can give you an orgasm but can't give you the 100 other things that are awesome about sex with a woman


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## HiLibido (Dec 10, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> 15. Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara


You left off

16. Aunt Flo is in town


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good evening

Can we take this one step at a time. Does the Clitoris serve any other function than for it's owner pleasure. Many thanks in anticipation.

Take Care


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

jacko jack said:


> Good evening
> 
> Can we take this one step at a time. Does the Clitoris serve any other function than for it's owner pleasure. Many thanks in anticipation.
> 
> Take Care


I have one and it's never done anything other than given me pleasure - it's one of my favourite body parts  .


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Nemo9nemo said:


> I enjoy masturbation and I'm a woman, is my only way to get my desire orgasm as HB has severe PE problems and always denial of his problem every time we had sex, that's just not fair to me for him reaching his destination after 20 seconds while I always felt used. I really feel like leaving this marriage but I just can't make myself to , I feel very disconnected, sexless, no intimacy nor romance in this marriage and yet I'm still here...


As a man who struggles with a mild-moderate PE, I feel your husband's pain. But there's also nothing I won't do to make sure my wife isn't satisfied if she wants to be. I went to a sex shop last week for some message oil and found all sorts of toys I'd like to use on her. But she's a bit of a prude when it comes to sex. 

If you don't mind me asking, have you offered to help him correct the problem or done any research on remedies?


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## Nemo9nemo (Aug 16, 2013)

LuvIsTuff said:


> As a man who struggles with a mild-moderate PE, I feel your husband's pain. But there's also nothing I won't do to make sure my wife isn't satisfied if she wants to be. I went to a sex shop last week for some message oil and found all sorts of toys I'd like to use on her. But she's a bit of a prude when it comes to sex.
> 
> If you don't mind me asking, have you offered to help him correct the problem or done any research on remedies?


He has all the prescription meds,I.e Viagra,cialis which he said it helped but he didn't take it before wanting me, duh !! then there was this 1 morning he took it but have to wait for it to work, then he started talking about nonsense,I.e," I noticed your haemorrhoid is getting worse" , right, that just perfectly turned me off and made me jump off bed as I've been telling him before that I was upset and worry that my haemorrhoid from baby pushng has acting up ( the pushing was 11 years ago) , so is it necessary to mention it right before sex. .?

Honestly, his PE is so severe that, even with meds, he could only thrust for 10 sec or so then stop 10 sec then start again for 10 sec and repeating which I eventually don't get anything in the end,because he will be done after couple more thrust , rest,thrust.

Sex shop?? I've been to sex shop and even bought him a pocket to tell him to jerk off himself so that practice makes perfect, I think he used it once. Then when we both passing by the sex shop, he giggled said if I want to go in there again by myself. I was just pissed as 1) what's so funny and shameful about going into sex shop?? 2) why I've to go in there while he's the one incompetent ?? Well, I didn't say these to him that day as we were out of town and i was in shopping mood, if I brought these up, there's always no reply as I know this man is VERY GOOD in turning mute, rather not reply and hoping things being forgotten.
Sometimes I just think why was I so blind to start with??


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My H has not masturbated our entire marriage, save a couple times to get a sperm sample & once to deplete his sperm count in the am -knowing we were attempting to conceive a girl that night - a co-worker told him to do this to increase the odds...and by golly...it worked!... 

He's told me he finds masturbating "hollow" in comparison and he's always saved all his energy for ME.. 

I, on the other hand, HAVE masturbated while married having no idea he felt this strongly... as we never talked about it... just seemed so taboo....I learned these things 6 yrs ago (at that time 19 yrs married).. 

The shame of it was this... because I masturbated sometimes, it relieved my sex drive -*not making it higher-* then I wasn't as "in the mood" FOR HIM -reaching for him... then learning he was basically starving for it -waiting for me.. I felt soooo bad.. I couldn't believe he did [email protected]$% ....







this should have never been!!! 

Today, at age 51.. IF he did masturbate, it would ZAP what erotic tension he had ...a bummer men start slowing down as they age ...I wouldn't be able to handle that...I WANT every drop now... (His early years though, he should have been going at it -as his drive was HIGHER over mine)...

So NOW... we save every encounter for each other (for the last 6 yrs after this realization)... I just wish I was aware of this back in the day..as I feel we missed each other in ways that should have never been..

I feel the same as my H on this.. nothing compares to the bonding together, the "O" is so much better too...then some afterglow....felt that way then too, just didn't think I should wake him from his sleep every time I got a lust urge... (I did half the time though!)...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I have recently thought of stopping Mb but Mrs. Conan would wear out if we had sex as much as I wanted.

I still might try and see what happens. I usually Mb 3x a day and 2x when we have sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good afternoon ConanHub

Nothing much else to do in Arizona then, aaarh the tribulations of youth. Only 4.2 days a month in Arizona then. Seriously though more power to your elbow ConanHub, or should that be hand. Enjoy it while you can Conan, have a nice day.


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## boyjeff (Sep 11, 2013)

doobie said:


> I tend to masturbate as a substitute for sex when I'm not getting any/enough. With past partners when I've had an active sex life, masturbation has not been necessary (unless I've done it as part of the lovemaking). Until I got married, I usually only masturbated during the times when I was single. Since getting married (bait and switch) masturbation IS my sex life  . I'm looking back with regret on my single days, at least I could have NSA sex in those days.


you nailed it


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

No, masturbation tends to stoke my libido, not depress it.


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## TakenforGranted (Mar 17, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> It reduces my desire for about an hour or two. Quality sex will keep me satisfied quite a bit longer, but not forever. My desire isn't for an orgasm, it's for a connection.


That's the same thing I tell my husband. He's not an emotional or hands on Body kinda person, so a connection is needed lol.


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## TakenforGranted (Mar 17, 2015)

michzz said:


> A recent thread here got me thinking.
> 
> If a man masturbates frequently, does that *reduce* his desire for sex?
> 
> ...


I think it depends on the person. Some may want to have that emotional connection thru the physical act of sex. While others just want to ummm run one out without having to worry about the other person.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I know for me, if I were to masterbate and then right after Wife wants sex. It would not be happening, would have to wait a few hours.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

I've discovered masturbation after unsatisfying sexual encounters in my marriage. He was getting off but I wasn't and have been unable to tell him that he is not satisfying me in bed.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

maritalloneliness said:


> I've discovered masturbation after unsatisfying sexual encounters in my marriage. He was getting off but I wasn't and have been unable to tell him that he is not satisfying me in bed.


How long has this been going on? And why can't you tell him?


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## Bam85 (Feb 13, 2015)

Kinda had a discussion about this with the old ball and chain, recently. My sex drive cycles all month. I'm most active during ovulation and least interested during "shark week". If I take care of myself in moderation, it increases my sex drive. Too much and I stop caring; too little and I get cranky. The big guy likes his porn and resorts to it pretty often. I wouldn't care except for the fact that our intimacy suffered because of it. I'm open minded and have done more stuff with him than I care to admit. However, I don't always want to be the human sex toy that he's used to seeing in porn. It's important for men to save up some for their women. If makes the man more flirty and then he makes his woman feel wanted. I think women like feeling wanted and desired physically. We can get sex but if we don't feel like we're the one turning the guy on, it puts a damper on things. Personally, I don't want to be an outlet for sexual frustration. If rather be the cause and solution to intense desire. When my man has failed to give me that because he's too busy pullin' it himself, I would also resort to self gratification.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

maritalloneliness said:


> I've discovered masturbation after unsatisfying sexual encounters in my marriage. He was getting off but I wasn't and have been unable to tell him that he is not satisfying me in bed.


On the infrequent occasions that I have had sex with my husband the only way I can reach orgasm is to masturbate while having sex - I can't always orgasm as the pain is offputting, but I have managed to block out the pain enough to reach orgasm from masturbation a few times.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Although I desire to have sex with my W, I am afraid that after so many rejections, that masturbation has become more preferable than the frostiness of my wife. She cant believe that I need to masturbate, she thinks it is a sin.


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