# Is it normal to bond less or more with our children?



## bellawhite (Jan 22, 2013)

My first son, age 5, i went back to work he was 6 weeks old, my second son age 2 1/2 i was a sahm when he was born and have been with him ever since except for a year where i worked part time, i feel like i bonded differently with them and sometimes it makes me feel sooooo guilty! And it def was not on purpose bc i hate favoritism! Could it be due to the fact my first baby was unplanned and i wasnt married? And my second was planned? And my first is a great kid but much harder to deal with, always wants everything his way and at his time, is not affectionate, doesnt like to cuddle, an 2nd baby is sweet, likes to cuddle a little more, likes to hug and kiss and is more easy going? Is this normal? I dont want to feel this way! I want to love and bond with them equally, help?????
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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Equal is a lofty goal but not very practical. I have three kids and I have different relationships with each of them. It also evolved. The kid who caused me the most problems is my most easy going kid now. I just needed to understand her. One has aspergers and while he's been a challenge I get along with him the best because I'm an aspie too. My youngest is a girly girl drama queen. She amuses me because she's like a kid with a script. The drama does get old at times but we've worked it out.


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## EuphoricConfessions (Dec 20, 2012)

I feel like what you are experiencing is very normal. I have had the same issue.

In my experience (I have 3 kids) the trick to bonding with your kids is to find something that they like, and spend time doing that. My son is 12 and we bond by playing video game, My daughter age 10 likes to watch TV/Movies and snuggle, and my youngest 4 likes to play tag and with his stuffed animals.

You have to remember that your children are individuals with their own personality, likes, and issues. One size does not fit all.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Do yourself a HUGE favor, and forget about your kids being 'equal' to one another. They never will be.

Embrace their differences, and love them each for who they are, not who they are in comparison to one another. Your relationship with them will differ over time - one day you'll be ready to strangle one of them while hugging the other, the next day it will be the opposite. Over time, as they grow, things will change too.

Let go of the mommy guilt, and let yourself just love them. Look for the great things about them and not the negatives.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

My wife and I have 5 kids aged 17 down to 2 and they are all so different.

As others have said treat them as individuals and except that you will have different bond with each. That connection will change over the years but the love and compassion you feel towards them will remain constant.

Even when I don't like what mine have done I will still love them.


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