# Learned something new in counseling today



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Ive been struggling with my body image since I found out in early December that my husband had an affair while we were seperated. 

The area I've been struggling with and never liked is my breasts. 

Ive wanted him to say that even though they are not perfect for him that he still likes them. Today in counseling he said the kids ruined them and that they are saggy. I also asked him if he would pay attention to them more after a breast augmentation. His response was " a kid with a new toy!!"

So I guess the answer was yes he would pay way more attention to them after I get a breast enlargement. 

I've always wanted to have a breast enlargement and before our seperation he even was wanting me to make a consultation appt for surgery during a period of time. He never before would come out and be so open about what he thought. I guess that's what he thought the whole time, but the difference now is that I know he's been with someone with much nicer larger breasts than mine. That's what hurts. He was not willing to say he liked my breasts the way they are now, even when printed by the counselor. 

So now when my husband jokes about who is going to pay for them. I'm gonna say your gonna pay for your new toys. 

I guess since now that I know he wants them almost as bad as I do, I should not worry about when I will get them. I do hope I don't have to wait years for then though. We have talked about using a tax return to pay for most or all of it. This tax return is shot since we have to use it on needed things only and next tax return the government will take everything but earned income credit and kids tax credit
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shwagulous (Mar 12, 2012)

Blue,

I hope fake breasts are the magic pill that you are making them out to be. I can appreciate you wanting them from a body image stand point, but do you wonder if the novelty of them being your H's "new toys" will wear off, and you'll still be stuck with whatever REAL issues are still there?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Shwagulous said:


> Blue,
> 
> I hope fake breasts are the magic pill that you are making them out to be. I can appreciate you wanting them from a body image stand point, but do you wonder if the novelty of them being your H's "new toys" will wear off, and you'll still be stuck with whatever REAL issues are still there?


thats right, just as he himself said.

just like a kid with a new toy, play with it for a minute then throw it in the corner and go find something else to play with.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Because that's NOT why he cheated. that's not why he 'got bored' with her.

It's an excuse. Something, I believe, he made up to make her feel even worse about herself to keep her with him.

Low of the low.

And blue, stop feeding into it  You are good enough!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I said it in your other thread - the size of your breasts is NOT the problem here. The problem is your self centered husband. If you want to improve your body image, do some exercise, some meditation, and learn to accept yourself for who you ARE. Who cares what your husband thinks, seriously!!

I cannot believe you really think having bigger boobs is going to save your marriage.

There is NO way in he!! I would stay with a guy who refused to tell me my breasts were fine just the way they are. Your husband is a shallow, shallow man and he does NOT deserve you. 

You're gonna get the new boobs and then he'll start in on your butt, your belly and your wrinkles. Mark my words.

You are making a mistake here.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

I agree with everything everyone has already said. If you get your breasts augmented, you should do it for yourself. There is nothing wrong with fixing what has been altered by having the kids. Having nice perky boobs may help with your self confidence, your appearance, and as an added benefit, will turn on your husband. My wife had them done because she wanted to feel more womanly. I happen to love small breasts, so it was not a good thing for me. After 10 years, she now has to have them redone as they are sagging.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

First I'm sorry this thread got repeated. I have only my phone to post with right now. 

I agree that my boobs will not fix my marriage. I believe they will make me happier though. 

My husband is tougher on his body image than I am of mine. He seems to be a perfectionist. I'm perfect in every way but the size of my breasts. I'm lucky that I have no stretch marks from having 3 kids. 

My husband thinks he has a huge gut and that he needs to look like a Calvin Kline model. He also has poor self asteem about his sexual performance, but he is unwilling to try anything new.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

blueskies30 said:


> So now when my husband jokes about who is going to pay for them. I'm gonna say your gonna pay for your new toys.


:rofl: Love it.

So now he cannot complain about your boobs. They are his toys and if he cannot afford to fix them, it's his fault!

Find one of those sexy, see through bras with nipple holes to wear during sex. It will look naughty and that will temporarily disguise the issue.

By the way, I agree with the others the your boobs are not the problem with your marriage.

Also be aware that the implants need maintenance surgery every so many years. So you would need to put money away for that.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I've never seen any of those bras with holes for your nipples, lol! Guess I better look. 

We have not resumed sex since his surgery. I'm itching to get back into it now. He's afraid of it hurting him. I told him I would give him a hand job and that he could finish inside me. He looked at me bewildered and asked who I got the idea from. I told him it was my idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> I told him I would give him a hand job and that he could finish inside me. He looked at me bewildered and asked who I got the idea from. I told him it was my idea.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does he EVER tell you anything that wouldnt make his wife feel crappy?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Yes he does say lots of sexual indo windows and texts me he loves me. He tells me after he's had a great night relaxing with me which is usually 2-3 times a week that he tells me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I didn't get the sense that he was meaning to hurt me by asking where I got the idea from. I think he was a little shocked, but probably also wondering if I learned this from someone while we were seperated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Just proves all guys are different.......boobs are like last on my last. In fact I like small breasts 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> thats right, just as he himself said.
> 
> just like a kid with a new toy, play with it for a minute then throw it in the corner and go find something else to play with.


My kids always ended up playing with the cardboard box. Not sure how that translates here but it probably does somehow and it can't be good.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> I said it in your other thread - the size of your breasts is NOT the problem here. The problem is your self centered husband. If you want to improve your body image, do some exercise, some meditation, and learn to accept yourself for who you ARE. Who cares what your husband thinks, seriously!!
> 
> I cannot believe you really think having bigger boobs is going to save your marriage.
> 
> ...


And when you're done you'll look into the mirror and you won't recognize the person staring back at you.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

My wife Morrigan had breast enlargement surgery done a while ago. When she gets out of work I'll try to get her to come on and share her experiences and advice. And for the record, I loved her how she was and although it took a while I love her how she is now. Point is that if someone truly loves you they will learn to accept the flaws as well as the good points.

I'm going to share something private. My wife had two C sections with our last two kids. The last one the doctor really screwed up and she hasn't been able to "flatten" her tummy the way she did previously (her words not mine). The "pouch" as she calls it has bothered her ever since. She talked about having surgery to correct it but I heard so many horror stories I tried to discourage her. Finally after a slightly heated discussion she said to me "I'm hideous, how can you stand to look at me." I got angry and looked her straight in the eye and said "How can you say that? That is where you carried our babies. That is the ultimate in sacrifice of love. I love every stretch mark, every scar, every bump because it shows me how much you love me, our kids and our family. You can fix your tummy if you want but when I look at you I see everything we have shared together. And why would you want to fix that?"


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

THAT is how a husband who truly loves his wife talks about her body. He doesn't drop broad hints and make her feel inadequate.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> My wife Morrigan had breast enlargement surgery done a while ago. When she gets out of work I'll try to get her to come on and share her experiences and advice. And for the record, I loved her how she was and although it took a while I love her how she is now. Point is that if someone truly loves you they will learn to accept the flaws as well as the good points.
> 
> I'm going to share something private. My wife had two C sections with our last two kids. The last one the doctor really screwed up and she hasn't been able to "flatten" her tummy the way she did previously (her words not mine). The "pouch" as she calls it has bothered her ever since. She talked about having surgery to correct it but I heard so many horror stories I tried to discourage her. Finally after a slightly heated discussion she said to me "I'm hideous, how can you stand to look at me." I got angry and looked her straight in the eye and said "How can you say that? That is where you carried our babies. That is the ultimate in sacrifice of love. I love every stretch mark, every scar, every bump because it shows me how much you love me, our kids and our family. You can fix your tummy if you want but when I look at you I see everything we have shared together. And why would you want to fix that?"


I hope your comments were received better than mine. My wife has almost the exact same issue (three c-sections for her), and while she has now quit bringing up a stomach tuck, I feel like she does not quite believe me.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Oh no, that's not right! You (I assume) managed to breastfeed three beautiful children. He should marvel at your commitment give HIS children best start in life, not complain that they're saggy! So first he goes off with somebody else with bigger tits, then he has the b alls to complain about yours? Hmmmm..... I don't know. Don't let your self-image keep you with this man. He sounds like an unthankful, self absorbed douche. You are worth so much more than that.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> THAT is how a husband who truly loves his wife talks about her body. He doesn't drop broad hints and make her feel inadequate.


COMPLETELY agree with this.


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## naperken (Feb 21, 2012)

Beowulf, you are clearly 'the man' and IMO Blueskies' hubby would have a lot to learn from you.

Blueskies, I would advise to search your soul before you through with it and be sure that it's not because of misplaced self-esteem. You may do this and then find yourself not any happier.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That's why Hubs does. My 2nd baby ruined my belly with stretch marks. I was HUGE! but he runs his fingers over them and says he likes them...that they remind him of how I grew our child in my belly and it was all from love. It used to bother me when he'd touch them, from my own insecurities, but now I like it. He does it randomly, like when we're watching TV. he just likes to feel them.

I like feeling beautiful to him.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I hope your comments were received better than mine. My wife has almost the exact same issue (three c-sections for her), and while she has now quit bringing up a stomach tuck, I feel like she does not quite believe me.


They were. She does still bring it up from time to time but not in a serious manner. When she does I just give him the raised eyebrow and go kiss her belly. Of course that usually leads somewhere wonderful and the subject is dropped. I think she uses it sometimes to get me going. It's ok, I don't need much of a kick-start anyway.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

that_girl said:


> That's why Hubs does. My 2nd baby ruined my belly with stretch marks. I was HUGE! but he runs his fingers over them and says he likes them...that they remind him of how I grew our child in my belly and it was all from love. It used to bother me when he'd touch them, from my own insecurities, but now I like it. He does it randomly, like when we're watching TV. he just likes to feel them.
> 
> I like feeling beautiful to him.


It sounds like your husband feels just like me. My Morrigan is beautiful and she always will be.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

It really pisses me off when I see commercials for things like stretch mark lotion and wrinkle cream. I admit I am a bit of a fanatic when it comes to NOT using highly overpriced questionably effective concoctions for making myself look younger. I have never even dyed my hair. I rarely wear any make up, I only comb my hair out when I wash it in the shower (which is every 3-4 days - I have long curly hair that can't be combed or brushed or it looks like an electric bush) and cosmetic surgery is not something I would consider in my wildest dreams. But really - advertising plays a HUGE part in women feeling unattractive and inadequate.

My hubby loves me, grey hair, saggy belly, wrinkles, national geographic boobs and all. And if he didn't I guess I'd just have to find someone who did.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I don't know. In my opinion.

Boob jobs = martial problems and divorce.

I've seen too many threads on guys that let there wives get boob jobs because they wanted to get them for their husbands. That's kinda a half truth. Yeah it's for them AND every other guy on the planet.

Guys would write that his wife turned from the cute "girl next door" That was happy in jeans, sweatshirt and ball cap with a ponytail out the back to paint on jeans and blouses with plunging v-necks down to the naval just to go to the grocery store. Or shirts sooo tight that if the inhale too quickly they'll bust the seams.
And that they've become major flirts and love the attention they get from other men, which leads to more dangerous waters.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

crossbar said:


> I don't know. In my opinion.
> 
> Boob jobs = martial problems and divorce.
> 
> ...


That's a good point. If you've spent thousands on something, hiding it isn't what's gonna happen.


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## Morrigan (Jan 18, 2012)

Ok, this is my first post. I have followed everything for a while but Beowulf says things better than I do so I let him speak for us usually. However, this topic is something I can speak directly about.

I got implants back in 2004. My hubby did not encourage me to and I'm really not sure he even wanted me to. He was supportive though and talked me through a lot of the concerns and questions that needed addressing. In the end I decided to do it...for me. I had never liked my boobs and always wanted to "fix" them but wanted to wait until I was done having children. Am I sorry I got them? No. But if I had to do it over again I would definitely think twice. I ended up getting an infection and had to have one implant removed until it was treated. So for several months I went around with one implant in and on the other side I wore a prosthesis so I'd look even. Then I had to have the surgery to put the implant (well a new one) back in. So I ended up having two surgeries and a difficult recovery. That's what you need to be aware of. It's not a simple procedure and things can go wrong. You really need to think it over before you decide to have the surgery. If you do it for someone other than yourself you will resent them for it.

What Beowulf said about my "pouch" is true. He did tell me that he loves my tummy just as it is. I cried. Sometimes he says things that just make me melt. Sometimes I think I don't deserve him and then I think what the hell of course I do. lol

And crossbar, you are right. I went through a period when I wanted to dress extremely sexy and show off my new assets. Hubby reigned me in quick and let me know how he felt about that. It is very tempting to show off too much after "fixing" something that you despised about yourself all your life. That's why I say you should think twice about doing something like this. It can change you if you're not careful.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If I could, if I was able to without mental issues, etc, I would have a few things fixed LOL

My breasts. I do like my boobs, but I'd like to have bigger ones for a while. But just a while. So I could never have a boob job. I'll just get a stuffable bra LOL

I'd love to get my chin done. I'm not heavy, neither were my parents, but they BOTH had that wobble on the chin and I'm starting to get it too!! UGH! Thanks for that, Mom and Dad! LAME! :rofl:

I'd like to have my Irish arms fixed. But...I should just lift weights instead LOL


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Morrigan said:


> And crossbar, you are right. I went through a period when I wanted to dress extremely sexy and show off my new assets. Hubby reigned me in quick and let me know how he felt about that. It is very tempting to show off too much after "fixing" something that you despised about yourself all your life. That's why I say you should think twice about doing something like this. It can change you if you're not careful.


No disrespect, but I know I'm right. If guys could get silicon implants to the front of their pants. I would be walking around in Speedo's in the middle of December!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

that_girl said:


> That's why Hubs does. My 2nd baby ruined my belly with stretch marks. I was HUGE! but he runs his fingers over them and says he likes them...that they remind him of how I grew our child in my belly and it was all from love. It used to bother me when he'd touch them, from my own insecurities, but now I like it. He does it randomly, like when we're watching TV. he just likes to feel them.
> 
> I like feeling beautiful to him.


I find stretch marks sexy. Maybe TMI but it is a turn on for me and my WS has some.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

crossbar said:


> Originally Posted by Morrigan
> And crossbar, you are right. I went through a period when I wanted to dress extremely sexy and show off my new assets. Hubby reigned me in quick and let me know how he felt about that. It is very tempting to show off too much after "fixing" something that you despised about yourself all your life. That's why I say you should think twice about doing something like this. It can change you if you're not careful.
> No disrespect, but I know I'm right. If guys could get silicon implants to the front of their pants. I would be walking around in Speedo's in the middle of December!


Yeah, there was a period when she was all excited. A little too excited. I had to gently remind her she was a married mother. LOL

It wasn't that bad really. She's making it out to be more than it really was.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Angel5112 said:


> My H is great about it though. He is like your H that_girl. He runs his finger across them and says they don't matter, that I am still beautiful. This is how a H should act.
> 
> I am sure that my H doesn’t actually find my extra skin and stretch marks attractive, but he is supportive and would never tell me that the kids ruined my body or imply that it disgusted him even if it did.


i think youre right, its not the extra skin or stretch marks that are attractive.
its the woman behind them.
and it should be no matter what you look like out side, your partner should find you the most attractive and sexy woman that he could come upon. or cum upon, either works


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I loved my W's stretch marks and had always loved her breasts before, during and after breastfeeding. But to be honest though I never was fond of all the loose skin and flab, but for me I think it was largely my own obstacle to deal with - I always thought she was pretty, but I've never been attracted to overweight women, and after marriage she started putting on weight (we both did, I'm not trying to be hypocritical) but I felt like when she got pregnant she used it as an excuse to not have any discipline with her diet. 

At first I loved her baby bump, I even love seeing other women who are about to pop, but my W had by far the largest pregnant woman belly I have ever seen, I was proud and ashamed/embarrased at the same time. After our son she didn't really do much to get the weight off, though we did go on a organic kick. It wasn't until the time of her secret affairs that she started to lose the excess weight (and of course the fashion and accesories I was paying for were getting me and other men's attention too) - she was really starting to look sexy, but was complaining about her boobs shrinking and I honestly meant it when I told her they were perfect - it is so weird to me that of all the issues about her body she would dwell on her breasts, which really were perfect to me... I guess she needed the validation of OM to feel like they were still ok.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Lon said:


> I guess she needed the validation of OM to feel like they were still ok.


This is the thing I still don't understand. Don't women realize that men that pursue married wives are pigs? They'd tell Medusa she had nice hair if it meant getting into her panties. Their validation is...well...invalid.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

I find this infuriating and completely RUDE!!!!! You have children and he has the nerve to say your boobs are saggy? YOU are not your boobs. There is so much more to you. Mother, lover, friend, HUMAN BEING. You are not an object. Please, for the love of God, do not get fake boobs to please your husband. Then he will say your butt is saggy or find some other flaw.

How do you feel about his penis? Is it too small? Is he a one pump chump? How would he do if you attacked his manhood the way he attacked your womanhood. 

Your husband may be a great guy, a good dad, but this is just insensitive and hurtful. I RARELY get offended but your post made steam come out of my ears because this is not the first time I have heard this. 

As life goes on, our bodies change, and for the most part, not for the better. He better realize this because someday you may get wrinkles and then look out, off to the plastic surgeon you go!

Get fake breasts if YOU want them. Some women tie their femininity to their breasts and it may make you feel sexier. There is nothing wrong with that. 

I used to have very small breasts (about a low B cup) and my H used to make jokes about me getting fake boobs all the time. Recently, I have gained weight and most of it went to my boobs. Now, he never touches them! He doesn't like them big. Make up your mind dude!!! Personally, I hate having large breasts after having small breasts. I feel like a cow that is ready for milking. 

Also, if you get fake boobs, get used to men no longer looking at your face when they speak to you. :soapbox:

Okay, I am off my soapbox now.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> They'd tell Medusa she had nice hair if it meant getting into her panties.


This is one of the best quotes I have seen in a long time and so very true! :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> I'm going to share something private. My wife had two C sections with our last two kids. The last one the doctor really screwed up and she hasn't been able to "flatten" her tummy the way she did previously (her words not mine). The "pouch" as she calls it has bothered her ever since. She talked about having surgery to correct it but I heard so many horror stories I tried to discourage her. Finally after a slightly heated discussion she said to me "I'm hideous, how can you stand to look at me." I got angry and looked her straight in the eye and said "How can you say that? That is where you carried our babies. That is the ultimate in sacrifice of love. I love every stretch mark, every scar, every bump because it shows me how much you love me, our kids and our family. You can fix your tummy if you want but when I look at you I see everything we have shared together. And why would you want to fix that?"


Wow. Just...wow.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

endlessgrief said:


> This is one of the best quotes I have seen in a long time and so very true! :smthumbup:


'national geographic boobs' is pretty good, too! :rofl:


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> 'national geographic boobs' is pretty good, too! :rofl:


How about a golf ball in a sock?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

angelpixie said:


> 'national geographic boobs' is pretty good, too! :rofl:





> endlessgrief
> Re: Learned something new in counseling today
> 
> How about a golf ball in a sock?


or mosquito bites, they should all be good enough and beautiful enough if they are on the woman you are in love with.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I was much flatter in college, and a boyfriend called mine 'Little Hershey's kisses.' He was razzing me, but I actually thought that was kind of cute. It could have been much worse.


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