# I'm a non-Christian H, married to a ultra conservative Christian Wife and I want out



## forthekid

Hey, 

None of the "Relationships and Spirituality" forum topics seemed to apply, so i figured I'd tell my story and see if anybody else is in a similar relationship. And if so, what advice you might have for me.

Married 18 years.
16 year old daughter
23 year old step son (hers, moved out)

She has always "loved God" and I didn't really think i had a problem with this, despite being a lifelong skeptic. She began going to church (Seventh Day Adventist) when our daughter was about one. I tagged along, eventually joined, became very involved, but ultimately decided it wasn't for me.

My wife continues to take her religion to new heights of conservative extremes for herself, and in the way she raises our daughter. Our daughter is baptized, attends church, but has recently begun to challenge some of the religous "rules" (of which there are many in SDA-ism)

My wife also has shown a lot of signs of distrust in me. She has thought I'm on drugs (never done a single drug, ever, haven't drank in many years), she's thought I've cheated, (I have never cheated) and constantly implies I'm lying about things big and little (I lied a couple times early on in our marriage about little things like eating unhealthy food but completely stopped lying to her many years ago. Of course she says she trusts me, but her actions reveal how untrue this is.

We don't do hardly any of the things we used to do together (TV, movies, dancing, listening to popular music, etc) Saturday is all about God, so if it doesn't "Glorify Him" she won't paticipate.

I want to raise our daughter as a "normal" kid but she thwarts this at every turn, so much so that I think we are in for a major rebellion in the coming years. And we have homeschool her since birth so my wife and daughter spend a lot of time together. Wife is home, I work out of the house.

I continue to pursue my interests (I play in a band, listen to music, watch TV, movies, play sports, etc) but she shuns a lot of what I love and often "demonizes" it in front of our daughter.

I have personally checked out of our marriage, I want so badly to be away from her. We have discussed divorce, and I have told her I no longer want to be married to her, but I will continue in our marriage until I no longer feel it's the best thing for our daughter. Currently, I stay because I know our daughter needs both her mom and I to balance each other out (Of course I'm biased so I really just think our daughter needs me to balance out my wife).

I could add more detail to this for hours but I fear you may not have the stamina to read it all, so I'll stop here for now and ask a few questions:

What advice is there out there for the Non Christian husband married to a super-religous wife?

Would our daughter benefit more from weekend visitation with me that having me there every day?

How do I help my wife compromise with me regarding simple things like watching TV with my daughter without compromising her beliefs?

Any other advice?


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## costa200

> And we have homeschool her since birth so my wife and daughter spend a lot of time together.


I don't understand why people are allowed to do this in the USA. It just favors extremists being able to brainwash their kids without exposing them to what society has for them. 

I'm an atheist myself. I understand your problems. I think you really need to put your step down. But it is really important that you try to show some sort of united front with your wife (if you don't divorce her, that is...).


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## forthekid

costa200 said:


> But it is really important that you try to show some sort of united front with your wife QUOTE]
> 
> So, this idea comes up a lot, but who unites with who? Should I expect her to compromise on her belief that we shouldn't watch a family TV show on Saturday because it doesn't glorify God? Or should I go along with her beliefs?
> 
> It's becoming harder and harder to be unified. Advice on how to do this?
> 
> FTK


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## tacoma

OP I`m an atheist so take my advice with that bias in mind.

I don`t think you can "Do this".

As a non believer I can maintain intimate relationships with believers just fine as most aren`t adamant about allowing their beliefs to have a heavy effect on my life.

However when you start talking about religious fundamentalists you`re done.
There is no compromising "gods word" for anyone.
Not you, your child, your family, or anyone.

The point is that she loves and values her god far more than she loves and values you or her child and unless that madness stops there is no compromising with her.

Assuming there is no way to come to a united front with her what are your options?


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## that_girl

I'm not even an atheist, or Christian, or whatever...and I don't think this can work.

Religious/spiritual beliefs, to me, are one of the MOST important compatibility things in a marriage. I don't care what it is you believe, but it should be similar, or even the same. Not saying that things can't change down the road, but...you aren't a Christian and you married one...eesh.


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## forthekid

that_girl said:


> you aren't a Christian and you married one...eesh.


I know, right. Well, she was a much moe casual Christian then, and I didn't grow up around any really seriously religious people, so I really didn't understand how much she was going to "grow" in her beliefs.

I know it's not going to work, I'm really trying to figure out the best time to end it, and my main consideration is not my happiness, it's my daughter's well being.

Of course our daughter knows there's trouble since we bicker almost daily about stupid sh*t. But at the same time, my daighter and I have a wonderful relationship. I want to be there daily for her, but it's getting less clear to me if that's better than a divorce with visitation and such.

I have in my head a plan to separate once our daughter is 18-20 ish, moving out, going to college, whatever she decides to do. But I'm beginning to think it might need to happen sooner, for her.


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## Maricha75

I can promise you that it will be difficult maintaining a united front, but not impossible. I went to church with my dad and was baptized at the age of 15. The thing is, I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do, because the other kids in the church were doing it, and they were younger than I was. But I went to church with dad every Sabbath morning...Sabbath School and church service. In the afternoons, we were free to CHOOSE to do whatever we wished, but encouraged to NOT engage in secular activities.

I did rebel at one point. I even met a man outside the Adventist church and he chose to be baptized. Let me point out that I would have married him whether he was and Adventist or not. But I can promise you... I did NOT engage in "Adventist-like" activities all the time...we'll leave it at that.

Fast forward to now. We have been married 12 years, together 13. We lived together before we married. Now, Sabbath activities vary. MOST of the time, we try to engage the kids in family friendly activities. However, as you can tell, I am on here during Sabbath hours. My kids have Kung Fu Panda playing on the DVR right now. My oldest just got home from church (about 45 minute drive away). My husband has been dealing with mental/psych issues, and I have chosen to stay home with him on days he is not up to going to church. 

Regarding divorce and visitation: Your daughter is 16. If you divorce, bear in mind that your daughter may still wish to observe the Sabbath hours. Maybe not as strictly as your wife now insists, but your daughter may insist that she doesn't want to go to sporting events and such on Friday nights and Sabbath. My sister has her kids at home every night. They see their dad during the week, right after school until their mom gets off work. They go to church on Sabbath and see their dad all day on Sunday. This could be what happens in your situation as well. Not trying to discourage you from doing it, but to keep your daughter's feelings/beliefs in mind as well. 

Having a "normal" childhood varies for each family. My mom was Catholic, my dad Adventist. I went to public schools. I participated in sports in junior high, but chose NOT to play when I got into high school because the games were played on Friday nights. I went to one dance in junior high. I had no desire to go to any others. I could have gone to Prom, but I didn't want to. I went to the movies, but not during Sabbath hours. There are a LOT of things that are, IMO, "grey areas"... I am sure you understand what I mean. 

I think that you are likely to face real rebellion in the future, but that is NORMAL, even in the Adventist church. I am not going to tell you to divorce, nor am I going to tell you NOT to divorce. The choice is yours, really.

Regarding the home schooling...Costa, that is a false assumption. Many home schooled kids function very well in society. There are strict guidelines that must be adhered to in nearly every state, if not in ALL. I started home schooling my oldest. When I learned that I couldn't handle teaching him and taking care of his siblings, I enrolled him in the public school.But, I know MANY home schooled kids it DID work for. And they are productive members of society. Perhaps that is because their parents were licensed teachers? Or because their parents got them involved in social activities on a regular basis? Not sure. But I know they are normal people. LOL


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## Davelli0331

tacoma said:


> OP I`m an atheist so take my advice with that bias in mind.
> 
> I don`t think you can "Do this".
> 
> As a non believer I can maintain intimate relationships with believers just fine as most aren`t adamant about allowing their beliefs to have a heavy effect on my life.
> 
> However when you start talking about religious fundamentalists you`re done.
> There is no compromising "gods word" for anyone.
> Not you, your child, your family, or anyone.
> 
> The point is that she loves and values her god far more than she loves and values you or her child and unless that madness stops there is no compromising with her.
> 
> Assuming there is no way to come to a united front with her what are your options?


Another atheist here. Even as an atheist, I take a live and let live approach. And that's cool for most believers, especially younger ones, they feel the same way. But like Tacoma said, when you start dealing with the fringe fundamentalists, that's when you get into the "my God's way or the highway".

It's been my experience that you can't compromise with people who hold extreme beliefs, whether they be political, social, or religious. IMO such extreme beliefs are irrational, and unfortunately you can't fight irrational with rational. Irrational always "wins" because it has not arguable basis.

You need to have a serious sit down with the wife and make sure she understands the choice she's making.


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## RandomDude

The minute the missus starts homeschooling my daughter is the minute I file for divorce and sole custody. No way in hell am I letting my child get raised like that. Thankfully she agrees with me as it's a dealbreaker.

There are quite a few topics here on this section about this situation actually. Mine included - which was the reason I initially joined this forum, to seek help in response to my wife's manipulative behaviour and fundamentalism. We solved our problems a while back but it took a lot of heartache and fights and dramas to finally discuss an inter-religious compromise.

There's no easy solution, the fact is that for this situation to be resolved it has to be in ultimatums. That's just from experience.


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## Dan Carruthers

Let your wife understand, that , she is being TOO LEGALISTIC , like the PHARISEES, and thats dangerous for her and her family.


Jesus wasn't for such Legalistic, Stubborn people...


Examples :


Jesus said .....

"But you say, that if a man says to his father or mother: 'Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is Corban' (that is, a gift devoted to God),he is not to 'honor his father' with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.


You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you:

"'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.


*They worship Me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'"*




Mathew 15:5-9


For God said ( from The Scriptures )

" I Am pleased in Mercy , *not in RITUALS*"


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## RandomDude

^ That's what the missus believed, then forgot, but now believes again thankfully


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## Dan Carruthers

1 Timothy 5:8 

But if anyone does not provide for his(her) relatives, and especially for members of his ( her) household, he ( or she) *has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
*


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## Maricha75

OP, I would be interested to know what, if anything she DOES do during the Sabbath hours. Also, what about the rest of the week? What kind of music does she listen to? 

Mr. Carruthers, just because she doesn't engage in certain activities during the Sabbath hours especially, but even anytime, doesn't make her "too legalistic". Many cannot participate in former activities (like going to movies and going out dancing) because they feel uncomfortable in those situations, because they can feel the pull away from God. And yes, I do speak from experience. From my PERSONAL experience as a Seventh Day Adventist, the only "ritual" I can see possibly fitting what you quoted would be Communion service. Otherwise, it is not ritual, but lifestyle. And many of us DO compromise on things.

Some are ultra conservative in the church. Some are more liberal. As I stated above, I'd like to hear what she does on Sabbath and see if there is anything I can suggest as a compromise. forthekid, you mentioned family shows... can you give examples? Same with movies? What kind of music do you play/listen to that she "demonizes" (your words, and quotes)? There IS a way around most of that, IF it interests your daughter.

Again, regarding the homeschooling... there is nothing wrong with it as long as 
1. Opportunities are made for socialization.
2. The child is actually LEARNING, and isn't falling behind.
3. The pros definitely must outweigh the cons.

One thing I will say.... I'm glad you didn't send her to academy! I've heard stories about how wild those kids can get. Even if my kids were enrolled in Adventist schools, they would NOT go to academy! I would enroll them in public schools first... I feel very strongly about having someone else raise my child. Here's a thought... if you don't want your daughter homeschooled, if there is a LOCAL academy, you could suggest that. Or, as you know, witnessing is very big in the church. Ample opportunities in public schools.

Funny thing, I never got teased as a kid/teen because of my religious beliefs. My friends in the public school were cool with it. They went to parties on Friday nights, dances as well. I never felt that I was missing out. Maybe I'm weird. I dunno. But my sisters agree that we had a normal life. However, we also had tapes of some of the popular musicians at the time lol. 

Anyway, please, tell what she does and I will see what I can suggest to compromise.


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## Dan Carruthers

Maricha75 said:


> ]Mr. Carruthers, just because she doesn't engage in certain activities during the Sabbath hours especially, but even anytime, doesn't make her "too legalistic". Many cannot participate in former activities (like going to movies and going out dancing) because they feel uncomfortable in those situations, because they can feel the pull away from God. And yes, I do speak from experience. From my PERSONAL experience as a Seventh Day Adventist, the only "ritual" I can see possibly fitting what you quoted would be Communion service. Otherwise, it is not ritual, but lifestyle. And many of us DO compromise on things.
> 
> .



---Ms.Maricha : Just because she does not....: 

Not at all, dear good Christian woman......It's the whole lot of things that SDA has adhered to..


If you see, Jesus has complemented and authored to the Law & Rules, since He is The Author and Finisher of The Faith.


The so called life style , you proclaim is detrimental, when it has already by default being into Legalistic Realms...

Forgive me, for being critical over your "life styles"...it does not work out, only to come forth as hypocrites, trying to keep The Law.


The Providence of God has His Will and Permissive Will acting upon instances and instants as accordingly ...


and to sum up

Ms.Maricha, 


The Covenant of Grace triumphs, supersedes, over the Covenant of Law..

and it's Faith, Works and The Greater Grace , which will determine the Saga of your Eternal Life, and not The Law as such..nor The Rituals of Sabbath or any other thing...For The Sabbath has its Great Lord, viz The Lord of The Sabbath..viz Jesus Christ Himself.

Reside n Abide in His Peace .

@ TS

Let your Wife be enlightened of The True Light and His Message of Love,Commandments and Grace..and not any rituals at all.


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## Dan Carruthers

An Example of The Author-ity of The Lord

I tell you, there is One here who is even greater than the Temple!


ye would not have condemned the guiltless-that is, Had ye understood the great principle of all religion, which the Scripture everywhere recognizes-that ceremonial observances must give way before moral duties, and particularly the necessities of nature-ye would have refrained from these captious complaints against men who in this matter are blameless.


*But our Lord added a specific application of this great principle to the law of the sabbath, preserved only in Mark: "And he said unto them, the sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath" (Mr 2:27). A glorious and far-reaching maxim, alike for the permanent establishment of the sabbath and the true freedom of its observance*


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## Jimena

You may or may not want to hold off divorce for 2 yrs. Having too different of an environment for weekday and weekend could be difficult for your daughter. Also, be aware that being passive agressively subversive to what your wife is teaching her isnt helpful. Be open and forthright with what you disagree about.

Either way, put your daughter into a real school. For me, homeschooling is a stretch up through elementary, but once your kid is a teen, they NEED to be a part of normal socialization. I haven't met any home-schooled kids that turned out well. They cannot cope with conflict and are naive.


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## 23YearWife

Jesus's message was very simple and loving, but all sorts of near-cults and actual cults claim they follow the Bible. Citing it, people do harmful things. However, Jesus wouldn't approve behavior that falls outside of these principles:

-- love thy neighbor as thyself
-- do unto others as you would have them do unto you
-- love your enemies

Case closed. She's not being Christian if she's not loving and respecting you and your daughter; if she's not caring how both of you feel.

I think you're making a mistake in allowing the "religious" aspect to cower you. IMO, her behavior has nothing do with Jesus Christ.


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## costa200

forthekid said:


> costa200 said:
> 
> 
> 
> But it is really important that you try to show some sort of united front with your wife QUOTE]
> 
> So, this idea comes up a lot, but who unites with who? Should I expect her to compromise on her belief that we shouldn't watch a family TV show on Saturday because it doesn't glorify God?
> FTK
> 
> 
> 
> Oh, that does sound like a bad case of the extremies... But what about asking your wife about some... AAAH! You know what, you're right! That's borderline insane. I think you're going to have to tell your wife that you won't be living like that and that this is not the life you want to impose on your daughter. Tell her that she either loosens up the reins (and present to your daughter as a new heading your family life will take) or she better start expecting you presenting an alternative directly to your daughter.
> 
> In case she insists in her lunacy you are just going to have to play hardball. Get the remote and turn the damn TV on anyway. And if she is that so much a christian she will not allow this to lead you to a divorce, which is a much more serious break in the teachings she is supposed to be adhering to.
> 
> She is free to leave the room and go pray or something. Her freedom stops where yours and your daughter's begin.
Click to expand...


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## bribrius

i think you should stay with your wife and love her.

there is much worse things than a christian woman. In fact there are many benefits to having a believing wife. They make excellent wives and mothers.
Im not sure if you looked around this forum or maybe at society in general to realize exactly what you have there in that woman and how much value she may bring to your life and your childs life.
If you feel you must leave

"if a unbeliever leaves let them leave"

then leave.

If you ask her to compromise on her faith, i hope she doesn't.
I am somewhat of a extremist fundamentalist(i dont think i am but some on here apparently do). i would consider you wrong for even asking her to compromise i would rather see you leave her as a unbeliever.

my opinion


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## geek down

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

And this is coming from a person that does not hold any faith in faith

"Moses wrote that commandment for you because of your stubbornness. At the beginning of creation God made them male and female; for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. They are no longer two but one. So man must not separate what God has joined together." 

You can use the bible to prove something once and disprove it twice.

Fundamentalism cannot work when you are trying to turn poetry into prose. You can't take the wording literally..To do so misses a HUGE part of the stories. The approach is flawed.

OP, are you open to the idea of learning about other religions and mythologies for a purely analytical reason? I'm not saying her behavior is right, as its not christian because she's not tolerant of others. By learning about other mythologies, you can give your daughter a wider array of spiritual knowledge that could allow her to see situations in a more dynamic way, instead of her mother's myopic vision of the world. I recommend Joseph Campbell's 'The Power of Myth' for a nice easy read and general start. Its also available on video from an old 1980's interview that the book is a transcript of.

By looking at religion in a wider way then your wife, you may also break her conditioning that she's put on herself to only think in one way..


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## Dan Carruthers

People take Bible for granted and Jesus for granted as well.

For Example,

Most Christians think that Jesus was just PACIFISTIC...Who loved The Enemies...Who will not have His Vengeance ...


The TRUTH is...


Jesus was SEVERE and GRACIOUS...


His Message did not always sound soothing for many...like The Pharisees and to many till date.

*---The Severity of Jesus.

Some of The SEVERE Statements of JESUS can be found in The Sermon on The Mount...which is TOUGHER than the TEN COMMANDMENTS...

In Mathew 7:6



Jesus said : Do not give good things to Dogs, they will turn and attack you.Do not give Pearls to Swines , they will trample on them.

Was Jesus so " loving" in these Commandments..? 

"Fear Him, Who can Kill and Cast into Hell..."*

and In The Second Coming,

*He is The Fighter King of kings, of The Heavenly Armies....*

So get to Know Jesus as He Is, not as any Pastor or "Father" In The Church or any Cult teaches you Christians,nor by your own TRADITIONAL PREJUDICES and HEREDITARY NOTIONS...

BUT ....from The WHOLE COUNSEL of The SCRIPTURES....


He is The Lion of Judah and The Lamb of God...

The Wrath of The Lamb is Severest than even as The Lion of Judah....See The Book of Revelation ....


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## Dan Carruthers

@ TS

Let your Wife be enlightened of The True Light and His Message of *Love,Commandments and Grace*..and not any rituals at all. 



------


The Obverse side of Forgiveness...


"They called to the mountains and the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the Face of Him who sits on the throne and from the Wrath of the Lamb!

"Vengeance is Mine, I will repay...."

'The Lord said to my Lord: "Sit at My Right Hand until I put Your enemies under Your feet."'

"When He maketh Inquisition for blood, he remembereth them: he forgetteth not the cry of the humble..

The Fifth Seal The Cry of The Martyrs :

9 When He opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the Word of God and for the testimony which they held. 10 *And they cried with a loud voice, saying, “How long, O Lord, Holy and True, until You judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?*


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## Dan Carruthers

@ Moderators


Written,quoted and explained for the sake of understanding for fellow beings pertaining to the importance of principles of christian spirituality in The Topic, for apt Decision Making for the concerned...


( No intention of hijacking the thread).

Thank you.


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## Runs like Dog

The question is why would a hidebound rock ribbed evangelical want YOU?


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## COguy

I didn't read all the responses, here's my opinion. Note that I'm a christian and it's a pretty important part of my life, so that's the angle I'm coming from.


I understand a point of view coming from your wife that she wants to "glorify" God through her activities, and wants her daughter to be involved in that. BUT, she also has to understand that you are her father, and that she married you, and chose to have a child with you.

That being said, just as a man, husband, and father you have some rights. I mean take your kid to your band practice, or turn on whatever show you want, or do what you think is good for your kid in terms of life experience. You don't want to be married to her anyway, so what do you care if she disagrees with what you're doing? I guess what I'm saying is, if you have your kids best interest in mind, sack up and don't let your wife call the shots for you.

I would caution you not to play her game and "demonize" god either though. I think with all things you just need to have wisdom and let your daughter make some decisions instead of having them forced from either side. Let your daughter know she can talk to you about anything, even stuff that her mother would consider "bad", and that you'll listen and won't judge.

In any marriage though my personal opinion is that staying together "for the kids" is not a good decision. If anything it just models to your children how they should live, so if you don't want your child to think your type of marriage is ok, do something about it. Can't see how staying in a marriage where you openly disdain each other and don't show any respect for each other would be healthy for either of you or your daughter.


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## Maricha75

geek_down, I can guarantee that if she is adhering to even the BASIC principles taught by the Adventist church, she won't be open to the views you mentioned above. Just FYI, I DO have many friends who are non-Adventists. They know my beliefs, I know theirs. Neither of us have issue with what the other does, as long as it is not brought into our homes. And, yes, I agree, it is the OP's home as well. He was ok with the beliefs enough to initially join the Adventist church himself. My ex-brother-in-law did the same, to please my sister. I had boyfriends who attended with me when we were dating. When we broke up, they quit going. My husband comes from a Jewish background and always questioned Judaism. He joined the Adventist church before we married, but I made sure to stress to him that he was under no obligation to join...that I was marrying him because I love him, not because of religious beliefs. ALTHOUGH, it DOES say in the Bible not to be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers", I would still have married him. 

Seventh Day Adventists, as a whole, are no worse than any other Christian denomination... Baptists, Lutherans, Methodists, etc. As in ANY denomination, there are some who take the extremes. Honestly, I am not so sure she is doing this. Yes, it SEEMS extreme based on the experiences of the people who have responded. However, I have seen some who are MUCH more extreme. 

I know a pastor who, before he went to seminary, was a drummer in a rock band. He would have seminars periodically and use his drum set to emphasize his point. Some agreed wholeheartedly (those who were extreme and those who were of the older generation). Some were still on the fence. Personally, I liked the sound of the song when he played the "bad" way. 
But, he said it was bad because of the thoughts it encouraged. Yes, I know, very extreme! 

It is possible, that the OPs wife is of the same mind as that pastor. THen again, if she actually listens to contemporary Christian music, maybe she's not. Maybe she doesn't like the message she hears in the LYRICS to the songs her husband likes to play/listen to. I can respect and understand that. I, however, listen to a variety of music... including the ones she likely "demonizes".

I am/was a gamer. my family were constantly on me about it. They were on my husband about his gaming as well. We played WoW. We stopped, not because of religion, but because of OUR relationship with each other. But, it is one that is filled with sorcery, wizardry, etc. And that's *BAD*!  

Regarding tv shows and movies...some of the "family" movies/shows really aren't family friendly at all. And, some that are, DO go against what the church teaches: Wizards of Waverly Place is one such show. Do I watch that one/allow my kids to watch it? Yes... but not during Sabbath hours. With young kids, we will let them watch VeggieTales and other such shows. Tho, again, we are lax on SOME shows, but it's not all the time.

Regarding the quote someone made about "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath". Yes, that is true. I remember the story as well. The Pharisees were angry that the disciples were picking grain to eat, on the Sabbath. And that was when Jesus reminded them that David ate the consecrated bread in the Temple and said the above quote. The point He was trying to make to them is that they were putting so many restrictions: can only walk a certain distance, no feeding animals, no cooking, no picking flowers/food/anything. But Jesus also asked the Pharisees if it was lawful to do good on the Sabbath. And that is something we stress. You have this one day off from work all week. Go visit people in nursing homes. Go help a friend in need. Care for the sick, give normal caretakers a much needed break. If that is not available to you...go on a nature walk. nothing too strenuous, just enjoy the beauty of nature. These are all things the Adventist church stresses.... at least the ones my family has attended and my friends have gone to all over the world. 

I do believe the daughter should be given the CHOICE, at the age of 16, to be homeschooled or attend academy/public schools. Regarding the television/music issue, mom should be saying "Daughter, you know what the church teaches about these things, but the ultimate decision is yours" and leave it at that. And, if the daughter chooses to not participate in secular activities, dad needs to respect that. If she DOES choose to participate, MOM needs to respect that choice as well. 

Now, why can't the family do something AS A FAMILY after mom and daughter get home from church? Maybe go for a walk or picnic together or any of the above mentioned activities? Instead fo turning on the tv or blasting music? It would be a good compromise. While we were at church, mom would have the tv on, watching shows she liked. When we got home, she turned it off, out of respect.

I know the OP was back a couple days ago, but didn't post a reply. Not sure why. OP, if you read this, sit down and talk to your wife about the things I just detailed. If for no other reason than to make the next couple years bearable, if you choose to divorce when your daughter graduates. 

Anyway, sorry this is so long winded.


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## cub!chy

I read though most posts and I agree with the person that says your wife shouldn’t sacrifice her spirituality, are you jealous of her faith or of her belief in God? Do you love her? When you married her, you married a Christian woman and in a marriage people grow, mature and evolve and it’s obvious you both went different ways, but I don’t see anything that you can’t work out. It’s like your wife turns into a vegan and now you want to divorce her, you never loved her then. 
So she wants to keep the Sabbath holy, that’s a 24 hour period, be respectful. You are your child’s father, she can’t tell you not to take your daughter to the movies, but I wouldn’t do it on Saturday. Sit with her and compromise, find common ground. Religion is good today, our society is screwed up, and any morality that’s added is good. 
You daughter is normal as is, going to church and keeping the Sabbath. Dancing, drinking, movies, music, all that stuff will come when she wants it to come, I’d say keep her at home as much as possible. I don’t particular like home schooling, that’s something I would work on.
If you are so worried about your daughter staying sane, why don’t you take steps to fix the issue, which is you not accepting her mother and her lifestyle. Communication is the key, find common ground. I don’t know where it is, but there is a bible verse that says if a believer marries a non-believer, they shouldn’t divorce, so the bible doesn’t look well on divorce. Go to a counselor in her church first, and then go to a professional if you don’t get anywhere. She is still your wife, is she fulfilling her marital duties? The more I think about it, the bigger this becomes, if you identify and fix the bigger picture, which is your love and relationship, all else will fall in place.
As an FYI, Saturday is the true Sabbath, Jesus went to church on Saturday, same roman calendar as today and the bible didn’t change it, man changed it, (Constantine I think) so you wife may have a point with the Sabbath.
Good luck.


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## Jimena

How about instead of using bible sound bytes out of context, people learn to create a thought on their own and use the scripture as a guide to give real advice.
Dan, you are very much a Book 1 Sancho Panza and I pray you figure out what that means and evolve into a Book 2 Sancho Panza.


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## PBear

I probably shouldn't be posting here, as I'm not religious. But why are you assuming your daughter would be with your wife, if you should separate/divorce? At 16, she would likely get some say in where she lives. And at 16, she probably has developed a significant maturity towards "fringe" thoughts. So who do you think your daughter would prefer to live with?

C


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## Maricha75

Jimena said:


> How about instead of using bible sound bytes out of context, people learn to create a thought on their own and use the scripture as a guide to give real advice.
> Dan, you are very much a Book 1 Sancho Panza and I pray you figure out what that means and evolve into a Book 2 Sancho Panza.


Ok, thank you... I knew I couldn't have been the only one getting confused by his posts!

Funny, I have to tell my 11 year old son "Get your thoughts together and THEN speak"... Adults need the same guidance sometimes, it seems.


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## geek down

Maricha.. when the book it takes so literal, it falls into the realm of fundamentalism. I love having theological debates with my muslim, varkous christian, atheist, agnostic and hindu friends.. We all know we are not going to change each others minds, but we engage in talks to further our understanding of the other religions and debate issues pertaining to them. 

If she has a hint of acceptance, she will listen and understand that, in the christian words "god works in mysterious ways", and some of those ways do not have to be the tenets of one particular faith, but of many faiths. As not all people are alike, he needs to diversify his stories... That's one way to look at it..


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## Maricha75

geek down said:


> Maricha.. when the book it takes so literal, it falls into the realm of fundamentalism. I love having theological debates with my muslim, varkous christian, atheist, agnostic and hindu friends.. We all know we are not going to change each others minds, but we engage in talks to further our understanding of the other religions and debate issues pertaining to them.
> 
> If she has a hint of acceptance, she will listen and understand that, in the christian words "god works in mysterious ways", and some of those ways do not have to be the tenets of one particular faith, but of many faiths. As not all people are alike, he needs to diversify his stories... That's one way to look at it..


Believe it or not, I do understand what you are saying. And I have talked with various friends who have different beliefs...even pagans. The thing is, if she is as devout as he claims she is, she won't waver from her faith. If it does not uphold what is found in the Bible, she won't accept it. Plain and simple. Again, this is assuming that she is what he says she is. Who knows? Maybe her faith isn't as strong as I suspect. If it isn't, then yes, she would be open to that kind of thinking.


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## Dan Carruthers

Jimena said:


> How about instead of using bible sound bytes out of context, people learn to create a thought on their own and use the scripture as a guide to give real advice.
> Dan, you are very much a Book 1 Sancho Panza and I pray you figure out what that means and evolve into a Book 2 Sancho Panza.


--Instead of being a Personal Attacker, calling names and depicting your Superficial, Myopic capacities, try to understand Bible Scriptures from The Comprehensive Realm...then all your Mr & Mrs Sancho Panza plays will be within your own novice brains ..


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## Dan Carruthers

Maricha75 said:


> Ok, thank you... I knew I couldn't have been the only one getting confused by his posts!
> 
> Funny, I have to tell my 11 year old son "Get your thoughts together and THEN speak"... Adults need the same guidance sometimes, it seems.



---This is a wonderful example of Mediocrity...If you did not understand things said , then it is your myopia , mediocrity and nothing else..

and Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself..and you prove it to the core along with your counterpart out here..


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## Dan Carruthers

23YearWife said:


> Jesus's message was very simple and loving, but all sorts of near-cults and actual cults claim they follow the Bible. Citing it, people do harmful things. However, Jesus wouldn't approve behavior that falls outside of these principles:
> 
> -- love thy neighbor as thyself
> -- do unto others as you would have them do unto you
> -- love your enemies
> 
> Case closed. She's not being Christian if she's not loving and respecting you and your daughter; if she's not caring how both of you feel.
> 
> I think you're making a mistake in allowing the "religious" aspect to cower you. IMO, her behavior has nothing do with Jesus Christ.


---Myopic view on The Personality and Message of Jesus Christ..

Case is not closed at His Pacifistic and Weak, portrayal by 23 year...however the latter part of caring for the household is apt observance...


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## Maricha75

Dan Carruthers said:


> ---This is a wonderful example of Mediocrity...If you did not understand things said , then it is your myopia , mediocrity and nothing else..
> 
> and Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself..and you prove it to the core along with your counterpart out here..


No, I understand things that are written out in a complete thought. Honestly, what you had posted looked more like what I have seen as an OUTLINE for a seminar. But those who wrote the outlines actually spoke more in depth on the topic. They don't just stick to what the outline shows and nothing else.

The thing is, Mr. Carruthers, I understood what everyone else had written. Whether it was your intention or not, it appeared that what you posted was just random thoughts. Perhaps you could explain what you really meant in your posts? You know, so our "mediocre minds" can grasp it. 

However, I did notice the veiled jab at Jimena and myself.Whether you would believe it or not makes no difference to me, but I do think above, and beyond, myself. I would appreciate if you kept your comments to the topic at hand, rather than search out my weaknesses for your personal satisfaction. I am only addressing your attempt to goad me into an argument on here. I will no longer be addressing such personal attacks.

I have addressed suggestions on how he can compromise with his wife, based on my personal experience as an Adventist child living with one Adventist parent and one non-Adventist parent. I won't pretend that it was easy, but my parents made it work as best they could. And, they are still married. It CAN work out favorably for both, if they are willing to do it. If not, I do believe it best to separate, if not divorce. And, the OP needs to prepare himself for the very real possibility that his daughter may choose as my niece and nephew have: Friday night/Sabbath with their mom, Sunday with their dad. They are free to see their dad anytime they wish. He gets them after school, and all day (weekdays) during vacations, but the Sabbath hours, they choose to spend with their mom and go to church, doing non-secular related activities. But, the OP knows his daughter. He knows whether or not his daughter would be like my niece and nephew.


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## dblkman

Maricha75 said:


> OP, I would be interested to know what, if anything she DOES do during the Sabbath hours. Also, what about the rest of the week? What kind of music does she listen to?
> 
> Mr. Carruthers, just because she doesn't engage in certain activities during the Sabbath hours especially, but even anytime, doesn't make her "too legalistic". Many cannot participate in former activities (like going to movies and going out dancing) because they feel uncomfortable in those situations, because they can feel the pull away from God. And yes, I do speak from experience. From my PERSONAL experience as a Seventh Day Adventist, the only "ritual" I can see possibly fitting what you quoted would be Communion service. Otherwise, it is not ritual, but lifestyle. And many of us DO compromise on things.
> 
> Some are ultra conservative in the church. Some are more liberal. As I stated above, I'd like to hear what she does on Sabbath and see if there is anything I can suggest as a compromise. forthekid, you mentioned family shows... can you give examples? Same with movies? What kind of music do you play/listen to that she "demonizes" (your words, and quotes)? There IS a way around most of that, IF it interests your daughter.
> 
> Again, regarding the homeschooling... there is nothing wrong with it as long as
> 1. Opportunities are made for socialization.
> 2. The child is actually LEARNING, and isn't falling behind.
> 3. The pros definitely must outweigh the cons.
> 
> One thing I will say.... I'm glad you didn't send her to academy! I've heard stories about how wild those kids can get. Even if my kids were enrolled in Adventist schools, they would NOT go to academy! I would enroll them in public schools first... I feel very strongly about having someone else raise my child. Here's a thought... if you don't want your daughter homeschooled, if there is a LOCAL academy, you could suggest that. Or, as you know, witnessing is very big in the church. Ample opportunities in public schools.
> 
> Funny thing, I never got teased as a kid/teen because of my religious beliefs. My friends in the public school were cool with it. They went to parties on Friday nights, dances as well. I never felt that I was missing out. Maybe I'm weird. I dunno. But my sisters agree that we had a normal life. However, we also had tapes of some of the popular musicians at the time lol.
> 
> Anyway, please, tell what she does and I will see what I can suggest to compromise.


Maracha I too was raised in an conservative Adventist home, I married a non-adventist who got baptized for the wrong reasons ending in a divorce, in 2010 i married a Adventist lady who is the love of my life. 

Unlike you I did get teased for not being able to do things on Friday/Saturday but for some reason it did not matter to me. I am an elder at my church and I love my church and my family. Our Sabbaths (after service) are mostly engaged in fellowship with my church members or at home fellowship with my family. 

I do not want to hijack this thread but there is so much more here than just her being an Adventist. I see so many couples at our church where one is adventist and one is not and it is truly a struggle which often times pulls BOTH out of the church


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## Dan Carruthers

The Sabbath Trouble Makers...and Stubborn Cults..

Those who are stubborn in Rituals like wise are doing so , on fearing "The Wrath of God" , for not "keeping Sabbath " and are overtly religious.

This kind of Belief System does not understand Jesus and His Personal Revelations, Message, Authority, Atonement ,Grace ,Power of Judgment and The Power of Salvation, Saving Grace..and make fuss and mislead millions to their derogatory Non-Christly ways..with their Myopic and Mediocre Understandings...


@ Jews, Gentiles, Law ,Conscience and The Covenant of Grace..Judgment..


...Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law,since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their Consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.

This will take place on the Day when God will judge men's secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares................Now you, if you call yourself a Jew; if you rely on the law and brag about your relationship to God.if you know his will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the Law;if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark,an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of infants, because you have in the Law the embodiment of knowledge and truth-you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? 

You who preach against stealing, do you steal?

You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples?

You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law?


.........Now we know that whatever the Law says, it says to those who are under the Law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God.

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the Law; rather, through the Law we become conscious of sin.

*But now a Righteousness from God, apart from Law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify.

This Righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference,*

Discern.



The TS' wife needs to come out of her conditioned mind set of "SDA teachings", to have a better thought on Matters of Life and God..


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## Maricha75

So, back to the original post. I do hope the OP comes back, tho I am not certain he will. I hope he can figure something out with his wife and also with his daughter. I know from experience that the things my parents did CAN work. Yes, there is a very real possibility of rebellion...major rebellion.... either way. But there is an equal chance that it could allow for a peaceful coexistence, for the time being, at least. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe the daughter SHOULD be placed in a regular school. I'm not saying boarding school, but public or even academy is a possibility. I know there are non-Adventists in some of the academies. Anyway, I wish the best for the OP's family.


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## costa200

> are you jealous of her faith or of her belief in God?


Totally ridiculous thing to say to one who has estranged himself of religion...


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## Cee Paul

It doesn't surprise me that religion or certain beliefs can cause a dividing line in marriages, seeing how it does that with entire countries and causes wars amongst the people there.

I'm thankfully in a good spot with this with my wife; where I have no desire to be married to a religious kook and don't wanna be married to an atheist either(both annoy me), and she is neither of those and is just a simple believer in God and tries to do the right things in life.


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## Mr Blunt

Quote of Forthekid
My wife also has shown a lot of signs of distrust in me. She has thought I'm on drugs (never done a single drug, ever, haven't drank in many years), she's thought I've cheated, (I have never cheated) and constantly implies I'm lying about things big and little (I lied a couple times early on in our marriage about little things like eating unhealthy food but completely stopped lying to her many years ago. Of course she says she trusts me, but her actions reveal how untrue this is.


False accusations and constant suspicions about your spouse that have no basis is the opposite of Christ’s teachings. Your wife seems a little unbalanced in her spiritual position and condition.



What advice is there out there for the Non Christian husband married to a super-religious wife?
Your “super-religious wife” is unbalanced and the actions you described she has taken does not represent the true teachings of Christ. You are a non-believer and probably not interested in prayers and actions of a Christian nature. Christian counseling with the correct application of Christ’s teachings are probably are out of the realm of possibility for you and/or your wife.

The only advice that I can come up with is to not judge Jesus’ teaching with people and churches that do not represent His true teachings. Secondly, as you have already indicated, you do everything you have to do to help your daughter. 

*As for your wife, try and realize that she probably thinks that she is spiritually correct and is doing the right thing.* Most people that I know that get to be church fanatics, involved in legalism and buy into the, us and them game, come out of it eventually. However, in some cases that maybe a very long time. 

*I do know that correct applications of the teachings of Christ and the spiritual condition and intervention by God can change the whole marriage for the better.*


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## Texas Lady

Wow some of these responses totally freak me out! To think my kids are part of this robotic world. I'm in Texas and you can only imagine the churches on every corner. They aren't kidding when they say everything is bigger in TX, even the churches!! To the OP, I had an Aunt that ended up being in some kind of cult where they worshiped lizard people and got her kid into it. It was crazy! Now I'm not trying to compare worshiping lizard people to God or Jesus - or am I? No, but really it's like trying to convince me that Santa is real. That probably sounds ridiculous to you - exactly!


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## arbitrator

Cee Paul said:


> ...and is just a simple believer in God and tries to do the right things in life.


And as His children, that's all that God really asks of us; to love and give honor to Him, and to foster love for one another!


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## Cee Paul

arbitrator said:


> And as His children, that's all that God really asks of us; to love and give honor to Him, and to foster love for one another!


True, but sadly so many of us continue to fall short of doing all that and some fail miserably(myself included).


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## Conrad

costa200 said:


> I don't understand why people are allowed to do this in the USA. It just favors extremists being able to brainwash their kids without exposing them to what society has for them.


As if government has the power to replace parents?


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## arbitrator

Cee Paul said:


> True, but sadly so many of us continue to fall short of doing all that and some fail miserably(myself included).


But the most redeeming and reassuring thing is that our Lord and Creator already knows that shortcoming of all of ours and is most willing to extend forgiveness to us all as evidenced by Romans 3:23

 "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God."


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## costa200

Conrad said:


> As if government has the power to replace parents?


Governments do that all the time. And it's a good thing that they do. Plenty of kids would be in worse shape if it didn't happen.


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## Cee Paul

arbitrator said:


> But the most redeeming and reassuring thing is that our Lord and Creator already knows that shortcoming of all of ours and is most willing to extend forgiveness to us all as evidenced by Romans 3:23
> 
> "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God."


One thing I am not a believer in is total destiny and that my book is already written and the outcome is known; and that's because I always have the _free will _to take the high road or the low one, and not even me myself knows what I'll choose on any specific day and sometimes I switch it up and make bad choices as a result(even though God was hoping I went in a different direction in that certain moment).


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## WillIMake36?

forthekid....

i saw your post and was compelled to say something about it. 

i have been married to a seventh day adventist pastor for 35 years. we have four grown sons and two grandsons. from experience i can tell you this. it will not get better. how do i know this? because i have lived the past 35 years finding out. let me explain.

right now, after 35 years of marriage i WISH that i had left earlier. i stayed to make sure that our boys had a stable home...not knowing at the time that just as my youngest turned 17 we would become grandparents (and guardians) to our oldest grandson (we are raising him for reasons that would take an eternity to explain). so what happened? i stayed to raise our grandson and the cycle has continued ever since. 

in the meantime, as the economy gets worse and with the onslaught of every single threat around us (tsunami's, terrorists blah)...my husband's usual conservative adventism has now grown by leaps and bounds. he's purchased four acres of land to start planting on to prepare for the "end times"...every cent of his retirement is going into these "end time" preparations and he relishes the thought of me and him growing old in a tent somewhere under a tree high above the mountains waiting for Jesus to come while we eat our homegrown vegetables. i watch him going on and on about all of this and the only thing that is going through my mind is "this man seriously needs help." but he refuses to listen to anything i say. if i mention doing normal things (like vacations, spending time together) he has no time for it because all of his free time is spent at these lands figuring out where to plant cucumbers.

don't get me wrong. i love planting. but when it is part of some end time deal that is being put together by someone who has clearly gone off the deep end...then it's no longer fun. it's psycho. in the meantime, i hide everything i do from him. i go to the movies looking all around me to make sure that his church members don't pass by and see me. my grandson now knows the deal and just in order to have a normal life we have to basically lie to him. all this to avoid arguing.

is it worth it? not at all. i'm in my 50's and i sneak around like some 12 year old afraid of her dad. it's rather demeaning. is this what you want for you and your daughter if you stay? you need to be honest with your daughter, honest with yourself, and leave. in hindsight i wish that i had. why? because even though none of our four sons attend the adventist church as adults....they are still held back by all the gulit and craziness that their father's teachings have left them with. it's not worth it my friend. 

my husband holds a very high position in the conference and has become the go-to pastor when it comes to end time events and scholarship in his conference. i have seen all the politics from the inside out and i can tell you this. i have seen kinder, gentler, more loving people christians in line at our soup kitchens than i have within the adventist church. take your daughter and run....as far as you can take her.

i say this with love and complete understanding as someone who truly knows what you are going through....


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## Conrad

costa200 said:


> Governments do that all the time. And it's a good thing that they do. Plenty of kids would be in worse shape if it didn't happen.


Wow....

Not my experience.


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## NewtoThisMarriageThing

bribrius said:


> i think you should stay with your wife and love her.
> 
> there is much worse things than a christian woman. In fact there are many benefits to having a believing wife. They make excellent wives and mothers.
> Im not sure if you looked around this forum or maybe at society in general to realize exactly what you have there in that woman and how much value she may bring to your life and your childs life.
> If you feel you must leave
> 
> "if a unbeliever leaves let them leave"
> 
> then leave.
> 
> If you ask her to compromise on her faith, i hope she doesn't.
> I am somewhat of a extremist fundamentalist(i dont think i am but some on here apparently do). i would consider you wrong for even asking her to compromise i would rather see you leave her as a unbeliever.
> 
> my opinion


I agree! Unfortunately, mainstream Christianity has made those who actually follow the scriptures appear as extremists.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fledgling

I realize no one has posted in this thread for a while but I do hope someone reads this.

To the OP I would ask how well you think you know your wife. Does she seem happier now than she did before?Not necessarily with you or your marriage but as a whole person. If she is truly happier you must be honest about what you are asking her to give up. Usually people who join fundementalist groups do so because there is a sense of urgency and kinship. It can be a very heady and gratifying feeling if you have felt empty or bored or disenfranchised with your marriage or life in general. Fundamentalism and/or evangelism provides structure and goals for people who perhaps have a difficult time identifying where and when to call on God and ask for his guidance. Did your wife ever express any dissatisfaction with you or your marriage previous to her becoming so heavily involved with her new church? Also I wouldn't be surprised that as she became involved with her new church to think to herself that they have it all together and she yearns for that for herself and her family.

When you think of all the things she has stopped doing it may help to think to yourself that she is on a journey of spiritual transformation. Just like changing your body by eating well and exercising your spirit goes through similar changes. In your wife's eye one movie now is as detrimental to her soul as one cookie can blow up a person's diet. Sometimes it is better to avoid all temptation rather than let temptation sneek up on you when you are weak.

It may help in the heat of particularly trying times to remind her that in 1 Peter 3:1 (this is the second time I have quoted this today LOL) That wives should submit themselves to their husbands so that even if the husband does not obey the word *he may be won over without words by the behaviour of his wife*. 

I am not talking about forcing her to watch a movie or to go somewhere that she does not want to go. But to make her recognize your need for her guilt-free companionship.


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## thatcleanhippyguy

Listen...

I am almost in the same boat. I am a newly wed, my wife is a hardcore christian, and well, I am into the occult. Strange huh?! Her pastor straight up says she shouldn't have married me. Lol. Straight up. We're happy and we love each other. Before we got married I made it very clear that I will never convert. You need to make sure she knows where you stand, from your point of view, and not hers. 

My wife still goes to church every week. Sometimes she wants me to come, i'm okay with that, even though I can't stand that place.

We decided that when we have kids that we'd let them decide their own faith. I will say though, if my wife started doing what yours is doing to your kids, I'd say stop or i'm gone. Plus, sometimes I feel like my own wife would be happier with a christian instead too. The problem I found is that it is nearly impossible for us to discuss anything spiritual. So we just don't. Otherwise I end up the evil guy, of course. 

At the end of the day though, I think it is you who will have to make the decision. Because marriage is sacred and god forbid if you divorce you're going to hell. Remember that. 

Good luck!


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## mupostori

^^^^

I just want to let you know that you are created in the image of God


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## tacoma

Conrad said:


> Wow....
> 
> Not my experience.


Seriously?

You've never heard of the foster system?


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## FormerSelf

Durrp! I've been responding in a bumped post!


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## eyuop

thatcleanhippyguy said:


> Listen...
> 
> I am almost in the same boat. I am a newly wed, my wife is a hardcore christian, and well, I am into the occult. Strange huh?! Her pastor straight up says she shouldn't have married me. Lol. Straight up. We're happy and we love each other. Before we got married I made it very clear that I will never convert. You need to make sure she knows where you stand, from your point of view, and not hers.
> 
> My wife still goes to church every week. Sometimes she wants me to come, i'm okay with that, even though I can't stand that place.
> 
> We decided that when we have kids that we'd let them decide their own faith. I will say though, if my wife started doing what yours is doing to your kids, I'd say stop or i'm gone. Plus, sometimes I feel like my own wife would be happier with a christian instead too. The problem I found is that it is nearly impossible for us to discuss anything spiritual. So we just don't. Otherwise I end up the evil guy, of course.
> 
> At the end of the day though, I think it is you who will have to make the decision. Because marriage is sacred and god forbid if you divorce you're going to hell. Remember that.
> 
> Good luck!


The pastor was right, she should have never married you. Not because you are a bad guy but because you can't share a very significant part of what is important to her and she can't share that same part with you (the spiritual aspect of your life). She will eventually have to choose between God and you. I'm just letting you know this so when that day comes you won't be surprised to find yourself no longer married. It is not if, but when.

And by the way, it isn't your call if you "convert" or not. If you came face to face with your Creator, you wouldn't need to do any converting after experiencing His power in your life -- which you currently deny. But that's God's problem, not yours, your wife's, mine or anyone else's. I'm not one of those Christians who gets all worked up over what non-Christians believe. Jesus didn't, so I don't. Jesus just stated his claim, died on a cross, and rose again to prove what He said. Nobody has to believe His message. Nobody has to give a sh*t about His message if they don't want to. That's fine with me, since it isn't my problem if people don't believe what He said. Christians are only asked to be a witness to what the Bible says, not to convince people to feel convicted or to try to make people believe it.

What you don't understand at all is this: To your wife, one of the most key and significant aspects of her life (represented by her core beliefs/values) is absolutely incompatible with your core beliefs/values. If she grows in her faith, she will feel that emptiness grow, too. The divide will continue to widen until you will no longer be able to live together. I've seen it time and time again.

When I married, I thought through these things. There was a girl who was in love with me who was not a believer before I was married. She even came to youth group and church (never had before) just to "have me". I was flattered, but I considered what was really important to her - and that consideration lead me to tell her that I loved her too much to enter any sort of romantic relationship with her. We remained friends, but that was it. She was heart-broken, but I knew that would be temporary and that she needed to find a man who she could share her inmost being with to truly be happy. 

Your wife should have thought through the exact same thing above. She didn't, so she will have to live with the consequences of her choice to marry you. You should have thought through this, too -- but you didn't -- so same goes to you, too.


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## Mr Blunt

> *Originally Posted by thatcleanhippyguy*
> Because marriage is sacred and god forbid if you divorce you're going to hell. Remember that.


*In Christianity divorce does not send you to hell
Your statement above tells me that you do not understand Christianity.*


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## thatcleanhippyguy

I said that to make a point, which you clearly got= I don't care. Same **** to me, no offense. Divorce is still typically frowned upon though. 

I'd like to thank Eyup for his post though. Very insightful and a little sad for I see what is to come. 

I don't want to be fighting over what we teach our kids. I know it would happen.

I love what you said there. As we grow spiritually we will feel more divided. So true!


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