# Ready to leave!!



## mommyof3 (Jul 19, 2008)

Hello, My name is Stephanie, this is my first post so I will put it all out here... I am 30, I have 3 kids 7,5, and 9 months, I have been married for 7 1/2 years. We had the best relationship the first couple of years. Well it started to go downhill in 2006. I found out I was pregnant with number 3 in July of 2006. Come august I had a miscarriage, had to have a DNC and he seemed very supportive, It was a very hard time for me because we had been trying to concieve since our daughter was 1. Well, just a few days after the DNC he checked his email and when he went to work he left it pulled up on the laptop. So I was just browsing and found a user name and password to a website to look for sex and orgies and such. I confronted him about it and he denies it. We dont get along much over the next 2 months and it became physical between us 1 time (both of us) I was extremely hurt and he was just I guess pissed of but like i said even to this day he denies having anything to do with that website. So now I have a trust issue with him. So after that we just I guess dealt with what ever happened and just lived. Well fast forward to Febuary of 2007, I found out I was pregnant again and we were not getting along when i found out so when i told him, the first words out of his mouth was "its not mine"!! 
Well, he got over that quick and was very supportive through the pregnancy. In October I gave birth to our 3rd child and it was a happy time for the first 6 weeks. I still couldnt quite depend on him like i used to but it was tolerable. In the beginning of December a new casino opened by our home and of course he went a couple of times and I knew about it, Me and him went together. Well in the last 4 months, I would call his cell phone to find out when he would be home and he wouldnt answer, an hour later he would text message saying he was in a business meeting.. I knew better, I had my gut feeling that he was gambling at the new casino and when i would ask him he would get pissed and just say no. So in the last month or so I have decided to drive by there 3 or 4 times and just check when he would not answer my calls and guess what he was there and when i would confront him he would of course lie.. So I check his email randomly since finding that website before and about 5 days ago i found an email from a woman at his doctors office (it is a new doctor to him) and the first one was very professional, after the first one, they seemed to get kind of flirty like they knew each other outside of the doctors office. So me being sneaky email her from his email and just said hello. Her response was personal talking about a baby, and an accident she just had and that was the reason she had not been at the casino. So now it is confirmed in email that not only is he gambling with money we dont have and lying to me about it but he has met a woman up there. So I told him I knew about her and at first he acted like he didnt know what i was talking about, the next day he came home from work and i would not stop until he told me about her and he says that she was talking to one of his friends about her doctors and so he was looking for a doctor so it started out that way. So then he said he seen her up there again and she was talking about her divorce and such so he decided to ask this woman about what he should do to fix our marriage and ended up running into her several times there discussing it. YEAH RIGHT!! So I emailed this woman from my email and told her hey if you want him you can have him he is a liar and a cheat!! She also insist that they only seen each other a few times and all he did was talk about me and the kids and what he should do for me. I dont care the fact remains is you were talking to another woman and if you werent doing anything wrong then why didnt he tell me about it. So along with the lying about going to the casino but also this stuff with this woman I am about to lose it. I cant trust him as far as I can throw him. I told him thats it i am done. I want a separation and if he wants to go to counseling then we can try but I wont be with a man I cant trust!! Sorry this is so long and i am sure i have probably skipped a few things but if i did i will post again. What do you all think. Over the last few years he has belittled me in different ways talking about my weight, I dont clean the house right, or take care of myself good enough things like that to where i think if i am so bad why are you still with me!! I just cant take it anymore. I grew up with very poor self esteem and I finally got over that right before I met my husband but the last few years I am back where I started except now its harder for me to do much of anything because i have 3 kids and the baby is a very demanding booby baby and anyone who has breastfed knows what i am talking about. So yes my house is not always the cleanest and I am lucky if i get a shower becasue when he cat naps is when i try to clean house and try to entertain a 5 and 7 year old! i will take any advice i can get!! if u r still reading my story thank u!!!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hi Stephanie,

Welcome to the forum! You'll find plenty of support here.

I'm kind of in your spot. You wouldn't believe some of the things my husband did over a three year period. He did so much lying I was starting to question my sanity. When I told him I couldn't trust him any further than I could throw him, he moved out. And I'm afraid the distance is growing even more. Although we have been going to counseling, I can't see how I can ever rebuild trust. I switched counselors last week and I'm getting a lot more insight into what is going on with my husband. The new counselor says the whole problem is with him and I should stop blaming myself. That's where our problem is similar. Your husband, like mine, is making plenty of excuses to justify his activities--and we are paying the price mentally (i.e. self-esteem,etc.). That's why I've now got my personal counselor. The mental cruelty is killing me. The new counselor told me to stop trying to communicate with him about our relationship. It's just doing more harm to me. She suggested the next time I want to communicate with him about "us" that I just do so with an inanimate object. It will save a confrontation and keep me from beating myself up mentally. However, that's easier said than done!

Although your children are a blessing, taking care of three small children can be so mentally draining. Since you've got a lot going on, counseling could be benificial for you and your husband. It might be a start.

Hang in there!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i find that if you want something to work. you have to change. if you want to go alone - you need to change, to like yourself, to be strong for you and your children. 
if you want to stay together , you both have to change . that comes from increased communication and with that the rest of a relationship can develop. 
if he doesnt want to change - you may go around and round on the merry go around.
personally on my latest quest with my hubby of 13 years and his one night stand in april 08. we both changed and were actually trying for our marriage to work. 
its not all peaches and cream , but instead of thinking to far forward, we just go day by day. 
in 13 years i have never done counselling, but i was about to get some information when i came across this site. 
counselling sucks up money and yet i have gained more advice, and tips from more ppl than at a session. ok what i say is one sided. 
but so far im learning to cope with my emotions and make new developements with my hubby.


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