# My husband has left me for another women



## donnacooper (Jun 2, 2010)

I have been with my husband 24 years and married for nearly 17 together we have 2 children aged 12 & 14, 7 weeks ago he left me for another women that he says he met 2 weeks previous, they started texting each other they slept together once then he left me 2 days later. On the day he left he told me he wanted a new life and finished with her but by the thurs he was back in her bed, she has 2 children aged 11 & 17, she looks the total opposite to me infact people say she looks like a bloke, and she smokes which my husband never liked. He has left me in so much debt and he will only pay the mortgage until the youngest is 18. He does see his kids but only if she is working otherwise he wants to spend his time with his new family. He dosent want me back and only talks to me if he really has to which always ends up in a row. Him and his new family are off to Egypt on Monday for 11 days and he told me last night when they get back he is going to move into her house. I love this bloke so much yet I hate him more, why cant I see the light at the end of the tunnel and get on with my life. I havent worked for 16 years as he always wanted me to be wife and mother and always be here for the children, I did help run his buisiness. Now he has left me on benefits which i am just about managing, can any one please advise on how to cope I am dying inside.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

First, get a lawyer. He cannot walk away from legal obligations to you and the kids, so DON'T LET HIM!! He has you snowed if he has said anything otherwise.

Second, get yourself and your kids into counseling. This is just so cruel to the kids that I cannot even imagine what is going on in his head. It's always hard to know why one adult would do this to another--marriage is a two way street--but b/c he's been so incredibly unkind to his own kids, I have to suspect he has some type of personality disorder/mental illness, frankly. This is so far beyond the "usual" marital breakdown--no matter how angry someone is at their spouse, they almost *always* want to maintain a loving relationship with their kids. 

Please take good care of yourself. Put the financial arrangements in the hands of a lawyer (which the h will have to pay for since you have no income), and do whatever you need to do to comfort yourself--ask a sister or friend to come stay with you, or go with the kids to stay with a relative; take long walks or get exercise otherwise to help with the depression; see your medical provider and ask for advice; eat well--lots of fruits and veggies, plus a daily dose of chocolate b/c it literally helps your mood; throw out everything in your home belonging to him if that makes you feel better; color your hair--whatever. 

And good for you for managing at all with a suddenly reduced income. Clearly you are smart! Take pride in every small accomplishment right now, and let go of the mistakes, b/c those are also learning experiences. If you find yourself dwelling on unanswerable questions--"Why would he do this?" etc.--do something that distracts you (balancing my checkbook works for me, but each of us has our own tricks for this, and although you may have to learn yours, you will!)

Let us know how you are doing, and God bless!


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

Donnacooper, I am in the same situation as you we're married 16 yrs h was my first bf, we were together 23 yrs total, he did it 2 yrs and 7 months ago he left with no definite answer. I am working full time (thank God for my education) he lost his job after 1 yr and half, the OW cheated on him, dumped him and he came back to me (aside from i pay his luxury car payment when he doesn't have job) tried to reconcile but the feelings is not the same.I have moved on...now he earns only half of what I earn but teaching him a lesson I want 50/50 share on expenses. It hurts at first and don't understand why it is happening but I tell you now God has better plan for you and He will uplift you and your kids. I am now and just thanking God everyday for His grace..we can talk and start friendship let me know if you need my email address or you can call me...please let me know how can I help you. God bless you and your kids


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I'm so sorry honey. I can understand why you can't just run out and do the same. You spent a lot of your life with this man, and it takes awhile to want to move on. You try to tell yourself too, but your mind needs to grieve. People here are fantastic and I am sure they will give you great advice and coping skills. Honestly, I take it all out at the gym when it gets to be too much. Which is usually every other day HA! 

I will keep you in my thoughts and send some positive vibes your way.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Get some legal help TODAY!

If you have bank accounts, go there and see if you can put a hold on him withdrawing any money without your permission.

Call his parents if they're around, and his siblings, and his best friends, and tell them what he is doing. Ask for help talking to him. Long shot, but better than doing nothing! Plus, it's (supposedly) only been a few weeks, so you have a decent chance of stopping the affair and getting him back - if you want him.

But you have to FIGHT the affair by exposing it and making it difficult for him to carry on financially.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Is this a case of "Walk away husband syndrome" 

1.) OK all jokes aside, get a lawyer as others have said. Save the logs to the phone records and any IM/Chats/Emails on the computer. Have the lawyer go after the OW also. Even if it's just some BS letter about suing her. 


2.) Since no one here has said it yet (Because the male is doing the cheating) Why haven't you met his needs? Were you providing enough sexual fulfillment? Was the house in order when he came home? What issues has he had with the relationship? Were they addressed?

3.) Determine what level of disrespect you are willing to put up with. He seems like a low life do you really want him back. He has totally put his family on the back burner and is failing to meet any responsibilities as a father/husband/lover. Can you really see yourself giving your love to him?


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