# Fighting in marriage



## Briana266 (Jul 14, 2015)

Hi, I'm new here but just want someone to talk to as I'm having problems in my marriage constantly fighting then we don't talk for days and I stay away from him in the house -- we have 3 kids that are 4, 10 & 13. He barely gives me any affection or anything and would rather spend time with the kids. I don't know what to do. Any men out there to talk to having problems in your marriage too?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When did the fighting start?

What do you fight over?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> When did the fighting start?
> 
> What do you fight over?


yeo, need to know details to give any reasonable advice. I don't know of any marriage where there isn't a fight of sorts now and again though your situation sounds a bit extreme and tension building.

when, what, why, how and who (if others besides you and hubby are drawn into this)?


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Briana266 said:


> Any men out there to talk to having problems in your marriage too?


Are you looking for advice? Or just a man who isn't your husband?


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Nomorebeans said:


> Are you looking for advice? Or just a man who isn't your husband?


I'm here and perfect!!! hahahaha kidding this was a weird question.


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## JoeTruckey (Jul 22, 2015)

Read a book called boundaries in marriage.


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## shane0147 (May 20, 2015)

Briana266 said:


> Hi, I'm new here but just want someone to talk to as I'm having problems in my marriage constantly fighting then we don't talk for days and I stay away from him in the house -- we have 3 kids that are 4, 10 & 13. He barely gives me any affection or anything and would rather spend time with the kids. I don't know what to do. Any men out there to talk to having problems in your marriage too?


This sounds very similar to what has been going on in my marriage for a long time. My wife would say that I'm not affectionate and I would say that she nags and invalidates me. Who is right and who is wrong? Tough to say, but you should really try to work on this before its too late. This can lead to a lot of resentment and unhappiness in the marriage. I am much in the same boat.... 3 kids, married for 20 years and at this point, I am seriously considering separation.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Could be low T, which can lead to ED. Men going through that could shut the sexual part of themselves down due to embarrassment. Also with 3 kids, work, taking care of family responsibilities, it's easy to take each other for granted. 

For your families sake, you need to reach him. He needs to understand how precariously the marriage is hanging. You're primed for a smooth talker to get you to betray your family. Once you go down that path, your family won't matter, only getting that high of male attention.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Every marriage has issues that lead to fighting. Many of them due to poor communication and the inability of one or both spouses to convey their feelings, their thoughts and sometimes the other spouse not listening or hearing them out. Many times this is rooted in childhood and how parents dealt with each other or the children.

Are there fundamental issues in your marriage that you disagree on? Such as money matters, raising the kids, sex, etc?
Are the fights a symptom of built up frustration and resentment over major or even minor things?

If you are going to solve this you have to examine your own role in this. In a marriage there is usually a pursuer (often the wife as she wants to talk, etc though in your case you withdraw) and a distancer and a dance continues when they fight but nothing is solved.

You must first of all identify the issues your husband might have and see can you listen and meet him half way. Usually it takes one person to break this cycle and go from there. If after some time this is not working you might want to consider MC to help with your communication and the stalemate you find yourself in.


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