# No sex in our marriage!



## FloridaMom (May 5, 2012)

My h and I have been married for 14 years and we have sex maybe 2x a month. I struggle with this and cannot understand it. I struggle with this because it makes me feel not good enough. I am a homemaker and I take care of our household, bills, our children, and even volunteer at our childrens' school. He works hard and supports our family and we have no issues other than the lack of intamacy. I could understand this more if I was unattractive but I do not have a lack of heads that turn when I am around. The problem is I wish it was his head I could turn. I am lost and not sure if I should even be in this marriage. I do not want to disrupt our family , but I cannot go on unhappy for the rest of my life.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I understand. Interesting enough I. Bet your husbandis feeling the same way. Talk to him about how you are feeling, ask him how he is feeling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xena74 (May 5, 2012)

Sound like you a DH need to start dating again. I know it is hard with kids trying to find a babysitter, but even when they are home you can have a date. We start Fridays off texting each other sexy little saying, or pics back and forth. We put our son to bed on Friday night at the normal bedtime when we don't have a sitter to take him to. Then we have dinner together (usually around 10pm) I know it's late but it is our time together. We may watcha movie, and make out on the couch or sit outside on the porch and just talk. Always end up making love no matter how late it is. Good luck, I hope the spark comes back. With a little creativity and communication with your Dh it will!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

First off, I know where you are coming from. The first 12 years of my marriage was that way. Sex maybe 1-2x a month (2x was a good month). All that culminated rejection hurts, but just want to assure you that it can turn around so don't loose hope. 

So I'm going to cover the basics first.

Has he had his testosterone checked? If it's low, you could be Venus herself in all her splendor and he would appreciate it... but it wouldn't ignite his passion.

Is he resentful towards you for anything? Could be any number of reasons, but resentment could create an intimacy barrier between the two of you.

Is he stressed all the time? Stress is a drive killer, even for high drive men.

Does he look at porn a lot? He may be doing it in secret, a lot of husbands hide this from their wives out of shame. Take a look at the history in his browser. Excessive porn use can kill his drive for you, because he's just self-satisfying at your expense. While I don't care if folks look at porn or not, I do think if porn is depriving the marriage of sex between the spouses... it's a big problem.

Does he have any erectile deficiencies? Some men will shy away from intimacy with their wife if this is an issue. Talk to him, see a doctor if there's a problem.

Given how long this has been going on I'll assume there's no other woman to be worried about? Sorry if that's a tough question, just like to rule it out if you can.

If it's none of those things, then how much have you talked to him about this? Does he know that your feeling deprived?

If he does and he won't talk to you about it, perhaps ask him to write down what's bothering him in the marriage (both in and out of the bedroom). Then read what he wrote down w/o getting defensive, and try and understand where he is coming from.

You might also want to both look at this website and see if maybe you aren't meeting some need of his... that perhaps he's not feeling loved by you (even though it's clear you do). Different people feel loved in different ways:

The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love Languages®

There is a book based on that test, that explains things more clearly. This might be something to explore.

If after all this, you two are still having issues, I'd recommend a therapist. My wife and I started seeing a sex therapist (ST) about a month ago and it's really helped our sex life (though it still has a ways to go). It's given us hope for a better sex life to come.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

How long has this been going on?


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

When u do have sex, who is the initiator??? I always have to get things started. After years of this, I take her lack of initiative ... as lack of interest. So that's why I don't initiate more. Does this make sense???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I feel your pain. I second what the others have said. What worked for me was really telling my H how no sex made me feel. All those horrible feelings that you don't want to tell him. For me, I had to fess up that I put on a few (10 lbs) so that when he rejected me, I could tell myself when he rejected me, it was because I was fat. Now working on losing those lbs. 
I also read many books from 5 languages of love to sheet music to his needs her needs. I also loaded married man sex life on his kindle. 

The bottom line it turns out was he has low testosterone. Just found out this week, so treatment has not begun yet, but I highly suggest having it checked, especially if he's over 40.

We went from having sex once every 2 years (yes, you read that right) to almost everyday!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

With all the sexual imagery around, it's easy to think of our situations as freakish but I read that about 1/3 of all marriages are low sex or no sex. Hang in there and keep trying for a solution. You certainly aren't alone.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Don't rule out the possibility that you may be too vanilla. Boredom is certainly a factor in my desire for my wife. As is past rejections. My personal feeling is that you're not even after a rejection until you initiate at least 3 times. For each rejection. My wife owes me 100's in my book.


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

FloridaMom said:


> My h and I have been married for 14 years and we have sex maybe 2x a month. I struggle with this and cannot understand it. I struggle with this because it makes me feel not good enough. I am a homemaker and I take care of our household, bills, our children, and even volunteer at our childrens' school. He works hard and supports our family and we have no issues other than the lack of intamacy. I could understand this more if I was unattractive but I do not have a lack of heads that turn when I am around. The problem is I wish it was his head I could turn. I am lost and not sure if I should even be in this marriage. I do not want to disrupt our family , but I cannot go on unhappy for the rest of my life.


Twice a month !!!!!!! you make my wife sound like a nymphomaniac. Try twice a year welcome to my world !!!


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