# Sale after one-sided breakup, who should pay the mortgage early repayment fees?



## lmdzzbqcniunrhrxoi (9 mo ago)

I’m posting this in a relationship forum instead of financial, as I already know what is right financially, but want to further understand from a relationship PoV and act with respect to the situation.

After struggling with mental health recently, I broke up with my partner of 5+ years. It was one-sided, and after selling the apartment, we can’t agree on how to split the early repayment fee.

We bought the apartment together two years ago. The deposit was provided entirely by my family, $170k from my side, $0 from partners. It was a turbulent time in the relationship as partner wanted to own the apartment equally, but my family insisted on the purchase to be in unequal parts to protect myself in the case of a break-up, which I am very glad about now. Worth adding that I suggested to buy a smaller place that we could both afford so there was equal ownership, but partner wanted this apartment so agreed to unequal ownership.

After some time, it became clearer to me that we saw it differently (brief investment vs mid-term home) which we made the mistake of not discussing enough before buying. I decided I needed some time apart, and so we broke up, sold the apartment and are now discussing finances moving forward.

The issue lies with an early repayment fee on the mortgage, which is over $10k.

Partners argument - I should pay it all as the break up was one sided. I’m the one that wants to end the mortgage early so I’m the one that takes responsibility for breaking that. It’s not about the money, it’s the principal. Partner told me that our (shared) friends agree with this

My argument - We should split the fee equally, we both entered the mortgage knowing the risks. Partner is walking away with a decent amount after putting in substantially less

Over the two years I put in 30 + 170 (deposit) and partner put in 18. Outside of initial deposit gains, we’d both be walking away with 48k. I have been paying more for renovations due to unequal ownership, and 20% more on mortgage/bills due to a higher wage.

What I’m struggling to understand is how to move forward without damaging the relationship further. We both want to stay amicable, and I just want to do what is fair to us both. I think a straight split on the fee is the fair option, but I’m coming from my PoV and struggling to see the other side.

Should I;
A) accept the responsibility, pay the whole fee - protect the relationship further, but risk the bad feelings from my side going forwards
B) stay firm that we are to split the fee - risk the major fallout and bad feelings from her side going forwards


TLDR: Broke up with long-term partner, sold apartment, suggested splitting early repayment fee of $10k+, ex-partner wants me to pay it all. Extremely uneven contributions to the apartment over two years


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

And this is why you don't buy property or combine finances with someone to whom you are not married.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You pay 2/3rds, she pays 1/3rd.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Diceplayer said:


> And this is why you don't buy property or combine finances with someone to whom you are not married.


do you not have de facto law? it's the same as being married.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

she wouldn't have the property if it wasn't for the deposit. The fact the she got an equal amount out of it with the % that you both had makes no sense. I think trying to keep it amicale is pointless if you are wanting to keep friendly tbh. A break up is just that. You should be going your separate ways at the end. It sounds like she owes more than half as she should not have made 48k


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

lmdzzbqcniunrhrxoi said:


> A) accept the responsibility, pay the whole fee - protect the relationship further, but risk the bad feelings from my side going forwards
> B) stay firm that we are to split the fee - risk the major fallout and bad feelings from her side going forwards


If you want to stay friends, you're gonna have to eat the cost. But then you'll resent her for making you eat the cost. Sounds like being firm and putting this relationship behind you might be the healthiest option.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

m.t.t said:


> do you not have de facto law? it's the same as being married.


Not in most U.S. states. Common-law marriage was once recognized in many states but now it’s less than 10 that do. If you’re not legally married when you split up, and a fair amount of money is involved, you’ve got a problem.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

lmdzzbqcniunrhrxoi said:


> I’m posting this in a relationship forum instead of financial, as I already know what is right financially, but want to further understand from a relationship PoV and act with respect to the situation.
> 
> After struggling with mental health recently, I broke up with my partner of 5+ years. It was one-sided, and after selling the apartment, we can’t agree on how to split the early repayment fee.
> 
> ...


Whose name is it in? If you both have your names on it you're going to have to split things.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Openminded said:


> Not in most U.S. states. Common-law marriage was once recognized in many states but now it’s less than 10 that do. If you’re not legally married when you split up, and a fair amount of money is involved, you’ve got a problem.


that's interesting. De Facto law kicks in from 1 year over here. There is a real risk if you let a romantic partner move into your home they will be able to make a claim if you are living as a couple.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Presumably you offered to let her buy you out but she's not in a position to do that. Although you wanted out, you did not buy her out either to save this early repayment penalty. 

You want out. This is the cost. If you can some how manage to get her to pay any of the cost, maybe in keeping with her share, say thank you & move on. If the $10k means that much to you, then you can always stay together until the early penalty period ends. But of course you don't want to do that so pay up & move on. Finality has value.


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## lmdzzbqcniunrhrxoi (9 mo ago)

Thanks for the replies - A mix of responses

Just to clarify who's on the mortgage and split of the sale price; the apartment is 'owned' 1/3 by deposit (me), then 2/3 by mortgage, which we are named equally on. As the repayment fee is for the mortgage only, the split would be even in my mind. 

I think the answers have been good; "if you want to stay friends, you're going to have to eat the costs" and "Finality has value" are both satisfying my want to see it from her side.

The only thing is if I can help her see that the split is reasonable. She is an understanding person, just can be stubborn


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Money talks. With the sale, how much cash will you each receive? Proportionally that should be each of your shares of the penalty 

I know you said you paid 170k down & she paid nothing but I'm using small numbers on purpose in this explanation. 

Let's say the property sells for 90k. If you "own" 1/3 & the bank owns the rest, let's presume that results in 30k of available money. If she is named as a full co-owner, presumably she's getting 15k of that profit. So, you should each pay 5k. If you expect that you get the whole 30k then you alone pay the pre-payment penalty. You said your ownership interests are unequal. If you already worked it out in writing signed by her when you bought the pace so you are a 3/4 owner & she's a 1/4 owner (or whatever % you agreed upon) then you pay 7.5k & she pays 2.5k. 

Does that help?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lmdzzbqcniunrhrxoi said:


> Thanks for the replies - A mix of responses
> 
> Just to clarify who's on the mortgage and split of the sale price; the apartment is 'owned' 1/3 by deposit (me), then 2/3 by mortgage, which we are named equally on. As the repayment fee is for the mortgage only, the split would be even in my mind.
> 
> ...


She got 50% of the equity, right? Then you two should split the 50/50.


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