# Convincing spouse to get hearing aid



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

As if I have all my problems solved, seems wifey needs a hearing aid. One ear is at 55℅ the other maybe 80℅. Between that and her lack of concentration after asking a question it's nearly impossible to have a conversation... 

Any suggestions? She's 57 and in top health.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Did you say something? 

Seriously, would it really matter if she heard you? From what you've said she is more hard of listening than hard of hearing...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> Did you say something?
> 
> Seriously, would it really matter if she heard you? From what you've said she is more hard of listening than hard of hearing...


It's getting to the point of interfering with work... She often acts like hard-of-listening but she really doesn't hear, and makes no effort to think about asking the same thing 2-3 times...


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

john117 said:


> Any suggestions? She's 57 and in top health.


Yes, stop thinking she is in top health while suffering from hearing loss.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

john117 said:


> As if I have all my problems solved, seems wifey needs a hearing aid. One ear is at 55℅ the other maybe 80℅. Between that and her lack of concentration after asking a question it's nearly impossible to have a conversation...
> 
> Any suggestions? She's 57 and in top health.


If you are able to quote those percentages, then I assume she has had formal hearing testing.

If so, then likely the audiologist or otolaryngologist who performed/oversaw/ordered the testing would have already suggested it.


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## VizCaya (Oct 19, 2015)

what are her concerns ?
cosmetic or social pic ?
may be she is feeling confortable by not hearing what ppl say , hence claim she didn't hear ....


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

I started wearing them last year. Mine are so tiny that you cannot see them even when I wear my hair up or when you are specifically looking for them.

I'm very glad I have them. My hearing loss is small but it had gotten to the point where I had a hard time hearing vowel sounds and some consonants when background noise was present.

I thought everyone was mumbling but it was me. :smile2:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My mother had 70% loss in both ears, according to the audiologist. For years and years we begged her to get hearing aids. Finally, at wits end, sibs and I pitched in to buy her hearing aids at 6K. She never wore them.

Turns out, it was early signs of dementia and part of confabulation. She wasn't processing spoken language because she was zoning out even during a conversation she absolutely was keyed in on. Then she started making up replies based on what she thought she heard, confabulation.

Once her dementia had progressed where making up her own meaning was too complicated, we found she could hear pretty damn well. Imagine that!

My advice, don't ever repeat what you've said already. If you must have a reply from her, insist on eye contact first, then use simple words enunciating each word. When she gets angry for treating her like a child....get over it. There is no pleasing someone determined to not be pleased.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> My mother had 70% loss in both ears, according to the audiologist. For years and years we begged her to get hearing aids. Finally, at wits end, sibs and I pitched in to buy her hearing aids at 6K. She never wore them.
> 
> Turns out, it was early signs of dementia and part of confabulation. She wasn't processing spoken language because she was zoning out even during a conversation she absolutely was keyed in on. Then she started making up replies based on what she thought she heard, confabulation.
> 
> ...


Exactly what happened to my father, though it happened at 77 not 57. I think that there were signs of dementia much earlier that we probably interpreted as the result of hearing loss.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Personal said:


> Yes, stop thinking she is in top health while suffering from hearing loss.


Nobody died from hearing loss  unless they did not hear the train whistle...

At her age she's athletic, can walk 10 miles or cycle 35, is a size 4 125 lb, takes no pills, and so on. Poster girl for the AARP I suppose. And I really don't feel she's suffering from it. We are.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Anon Pink has some good suggestions as always. The thing is she refuses to focus when asking a question, expecting people will repeat 2 and 3 times. She had audio exams when leaving employers as she was sometimes working on the factory floor in her early years and they had this requirement, or she had it done as part of a physical. Last time was a couple years ago.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I wear hearing aids and I couldn't imagine my life without them. My hearing loss was discovered when I was a child. I wore them at a young age then stopping wearing them as I started to get older (kids are cruel). Once I got out of college, it started to effect me in ways that I finally accepted it. It was hard and emotional for me. It's something that you don't want to admit. I was exhausted from trying to hear things all the time. Focusing so much all the time wore me out! I love pillow talk with my H but it's so hard for me to do. 

I've been told that I speak differently but I don't hear it. However, I'm self conscious about it. :-(

It sounds like your wife isn't focusing and that could directly be from the loss of hearing. I tell you, it's EXHAUSTING. She may have just given up. 

A few tips for you: 1. Never talk to her from another room. 2. Always make sure that she can see you when you speak. This applies to talking in the dark as well. Talking around a campfire is hard (sad, isn't it). 3. If you ever use letters as if you're spelling something for her, make sure you say something like: D as in Dog. C as in Cat. Certain letters can sound the same (C, D, P, T, B). 

Making things a little easier for her will reduce both YOUR frustration and her frustration. 

Hearing aids are VERY expensive. Unfortunately, not many companies cover them. My work place just recently provided for a small amount of coverage. It's very minor but is certainly better than what it was before, which was NOTHING. 

Sit her down and tell her how frustrated you are about communication with her. Say it in a very loving way and tell her that you'll help her with the whole process (& make sure you do this). In exchange, she'll get a life with better quality; she'll hear the leaves rustle, she'll hear the birds sing, she'll hear the water run in a creek, she'll hear the rain drizzle, she'll hear a baby laugh. Then on the other side, when there's a sound that isn't so wonderful (such as a loud obnoxious person in a restaurant), she can turn down her hearing aids. This is a perk that a person without aids doesn't get!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

john117 said:


> Anon Pink has some good suggestions as always. The thing is she refuses to focus when asking a question, *expecting people will repeat 2 and 3 times.* She had audio exams when leaving employers as she was sometimes working on the factory floor in her early years and they had this requirement, or she had it done as part of a physical. Last time was a couple years ago.


If you're certain you've had eye contact and have enunciated, do not repeat. Ever. Yes, much easier said than done. Get a white board and some wipe off markers and write it down. 

When your daughters are home remind them to enunciate, and get eye contact. The eye contact is important because it not only enables focus but it physically situated her head in the best way to capture the sound waves you're making. Any background noise will have to assumed as a much higher level of interference than a normal person.

Dementia or FTD can start at anytime and the early signs often look like hearing loss because language processing speed is affected first, usually. 

My youngest gets very frustrated with me when I can't hear her as I'm brushing my teeth or washing dishes. The back ground noise of the water running is way too close to allow her words to come through clearly. I don't think I have hearing loss just because I can't hear her when I'm so close to back ground noise. However, I am terrified that I am doomed to some progressive neurological disease so I'm hyper aware of symptoms. I wish I could get a baseline MRI right now so that later on there is something to compare. I absolutely refuse to place my family is the caregiver position, so I want to know about a diagnosis as early as possible. At least in enough time to travel to Oregon and be of sound mind to sign the consent forms.

How does your wife feel about assisted suicide for the terminally ill? Now there's a fun conversation for a Saturday night!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband told me when we first met that he had only 30% hearing in one ear. 20 years later and he denies ever saying it, and denies he has a problem. It is a HUGE problem for me - I get SO frustrated with him sometimes. I really do not understand why he won't get a hearing aid. It's so bad that my daughter says she will never leave him alone with our grandson because she doesn't believe he would hear him if there was a problem, or hear what he says when he's older.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Part of the problem is the huge house we live in. We are rarely in the same room. I'm in the cat room now (of course he has his own suite  ) and she's two floors up. Even when we are in the same floor she has the TV playing or doing something so good luck getting clear audio...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Have you told her that the hearing loss makes her appear 20 years older?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

john117 said:


> As if I have all my problems solved, seems wifey needs a hearing aid. One ear is at 55℅ the other maybe 80℅. Between that and her lack of concentration after asking a question it's nearly impossible to have a conversation...
> 
> Any suggestions? She's 57 and in top health.


Stand on the side with the least ability to hear and ask in a lowered voice, "Tickle your ass with a feather"?

When she replies with a stern look and raised voice, "What?!", ask, "Typically nasty weather"?

>

JK

Sorry, no suggestions and I just couldn't believe you'd ask for any? I thought this would be a godsend for you?! :laugh:


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

I just got mine 3 months ago at 53... and the audiologist said I was 10 -15 years late in doing it. I was only understanding 60%/45% spoken words ( I became an expert face and lip reader) and at 85%/65% loss. I thought I was dealing with it well enough but eventually between my wife's frustrations and workplace meetings overwhelmed me although it wasn't until a veteran friend got his first and became emotional telling me about how much we were missing did I take that next step.

My life has significantly improved... my wife actually enjoys talking with me longer than 3 minutes now (yes, that is mostly a good thing. :wink2: ) and meetings are a pleasure again now that I know what is being said and not depending on the slides to tell me what the speaker is referring to, not to mention my team not having to yell when we converse.

It is a little unnerving at first, I was exhausted after the first week but you have to wear them to get used to them and get used to the volume control (mine is through my iPhone), you will use it frequently the first month. Also, get some with a full mute feature, she (and you) will want it.

Get a good set though... you do get what you pay for with this stuff. I landed with a set of Starkey Halo2's and they are worth every penny. My first set was Costco's best and they were disappointing.

I hear birds and crickets again... honestly couldn't tell you the last time that was? :surprise:

And movies in the theaters... and plays, the list goes on where things are improved.

Oh, and I don't catch flack from the wife anymore over not hearing her... that is worth every penny too.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Anon Pink said:


> My advice, don't ever repeat what you've said already. If you must have a reply from her, insist on eye contact first, then use simple words enunciating each word. When she gets angry for treating her like a child....get over it. There is no pleasing someone determined to not be pleased.


This was one of my wife's tricks... it worked.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> I hear birds and crickets again... honestly couldn't tell you the last time that was? :surprise:


OT, but I hear crickets all the time when I ask people to name Hillary's achievements. >


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

While good judgement should be a sensory feature, unfortunately it's not tied to a sensory organ but the collective does share the path to the brain.

Funnily enough, when cable news does come on my phone's hearing aid mute button is my favourite feature.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> While good judgement should be a sensory feature, unfortunately it's not tied to a sensory organ but the collective does share the path to the brain.
> 
> Funnily enough, when cable news does come on my phone's hearing aid mute button is my favourite feature.


I want an app for my TV to automatically mute it when Hillary is talking. That should be pretty easy because her voice is quite distinctive.

As a supposedly human voice, anyway. A robotic shrew would probably sound very similar.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Have you told her that the hearing loss makes her appear 20 years older?


That would be my suggestion, too. If she's afraid hearing aids would make her seem "old," she apparently has no idea how old she seems when she's constantly saying, "What? What did you say?" and people have to repeat themselves, like with Grandma.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)




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## Staisha (Sep 20, 2016)

I had a similar problem with my mom. She has a very poor eyesight and she refused to wear eyeglasses for a very long time. But when she noticed that it’s gotten hard for her to even wash dishes (she can’t see how clean plates are), clean her house and that she became particularly clumsy, then she decided to make an appointment with a doctor. Now we want to talk her into doing laser eye surgery http://benconnell.com.au , and the doctors say it’s possible. I recommend that you tactfully let your wife notice that she really has issues.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Aren't you leaving her in May or something?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Have her try the Lyric inserts. I've been using them for two years. You can't see them and get replacements every 6 weeks or so. Amazing at the lifestyle change. It's like wearing glasses for the first time. She probably doesn't realize what she's missing.

@ $3,300 per year. Standard aids are around @ $5,000 pair

About the only thing you can't do is dive under water. Showering, etc is not a problem,


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

WHAT??


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

john117 said:


> Part of the problem is the huge house we live in. We are rarely in the same room. *I'm in the cat room now* (of course he has his own suite  ) and she's two floors up. Even when we are in the same floor she has the TV playing or doing something so good luck getting clear audio...


:lol: :rofl:


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