# Am I attractive to you??



## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

I don't have a clue as to how to ask my H if he is still attracted to me. I totally admit that I have gained weight over the years in part due to physical disabilities, partly due to being so lonely and isolated. I have recently lost some weight and plan on continuing with it. I'm terrified of his answer but I want him to be honest with me. I have been trying to make some plans for an intimate evening for us to get to know each other again, but if he's not attracted to me there really is no point to making a fool of myself or wasting time preparing for it. 

I would appreciate some guidance if anyone cares to comment.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Do you think you are attractive? I believe, to be attractive to someone esle, you must be attractive to yourself. I am attracted to people who are confident in who they are. Sometimes attitude is more important than just apperance.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Funny thing that I have learned about my husband. Although the weight gain may bother me. If I am naked and willing it does not bother him. Even more funny is that it works the other way too.

Just keep on working on your weight and let him know that you desire him. He will get onboard.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

dormant said:


> Do you think you are attractive? I believe, to be attractive to someone esle, you must be attractive to yourself. I am attracted to people who are confident in who they are. Sometimes attitude is more important than just apperance.


It's funny you say that. I think as though I look the same a I did 20 years ago until I look in the mirror. H has gained a lot of weight as well. Same thing when I look at him. I don't see how he is now, I see him as he looked 20 years ago.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

To me it is not so much the mirror as pictures. Boy, how I hate taking pictures now.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

A husband should be attracted to his wife at all times, not just when she is thinner. My wife went through two rough pregnancies and related health issues and her weight yo-yoed for a few years before she was able to figure out the right medication that didn't cause weight gain. I never wavered in my love or feelings for her sexually. She did not have a high self esteem but I stressed to her that its her I am married to and in love with, not her old waist size.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I agree that confidence is attractive and when you feel sexy and attractive it shows.

However if you feel the need to ask your spouse if they find you attractive then it is probably a dangerous question. I can feel it when a man finds me attractive, there is no need to ask.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

Holland:

I am not feeling it from him and this is why I'm wondering what to do.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Sorry Tango I guess my reply was not overly helpful. I do feel your pain however as I was married to a man that toward the end did not show he was attracted to me.
Then the cycle begins, you start to feel unattractive, he is less attracted and so it goes.
It was a two way thing though as I became so unattracted to him and his rejection of me that I could not even kiss him.

We had other issues going on, mainly a very unbalanced sex drive issue. 

Do you feel attractive, sexy. confident? This is where I would start. I would not ask the question directly.
If this has been going on for some time it won't be fixed overnight so maybe building yourself up, feeling better about yourself first is the way to go.
Do you show him he is attractive to you?


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

Holland:

He knows that all I have to do is look at him, but we have similar problems to you. Mainly lack of sex due to a myriad of reasons. I'm always the one asking for sex. I' m starting to lose weight and get in some sort of shape . I suffer with chronic pain so everything is a challenge.


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