# At what age does the following become offensive?



## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

A quick survey for the women. At what age do you start taking offense when you are told you look older than you are?

As a kid/teenager, everyone wants to be seen as older, I have always wondered where the cut off age for that is for women, and when the reverse starts to become the preferred.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

21 for women. For guys, it is more situational.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Luminous said:


> A quick survey for the women. At what age do you start taking offense when you are told you look older than you are?
> 
> As a kid/teenager, everyone wants to be seen as older, I have always wondered where the cut off age for that is for women, and when the reverse starts to become the preferred.




Answer: Women aren't supposed to get any older than 25; or hadn't you heard?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

You know, I don't mind getting older (I'm 51) - I've made my peace with it. 

My hair is getting whiter and whiter, and the only color I'll ever dye it is maybe a curacao blue. Or magenta. Or the oil slick look - that's fun. 

But what has been hard is that in the recent past, I'll be walking down the street, and a young person (a complete stranger) will make a nasty comment about me being 'old'. It happened in Alaska around a year ago, and it happened last month when I was downtown.

When it happens it's really shocking because it's so fast, yet it'll stay with me for days. It's hurtful. 

Edited to add - The comments don't hurt my feeling because of my age, they hurt just cause they're mean.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

minimalME said:


> You know, I don't mind getting older (I'm 51) - I've made my peace with it.
> 
> My hair is getting whiter and whiter, and the only color I'll ever dye it is maybe a curacao blue. Or magenta. Or the oil slick look - that's fun.
> 
> ...




So, you're saying that you're walking down the street, and a complete stranger makes a nasty remark about your age to you??

That's pretty awful.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> So, you're saying that you're walking down the street, and a complete stranger makes a nasty remark about your age to you??
> 
> That's pretty awful.


Yep. Twice. 

And I don't even look _that_ old. I mean, I'm not about to keel over. 

And - the age/socio-economic group was pretty much the same both times.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

minimalME said:


> Yep. Twice.
> 
> And I don't even look _that_ old. I mean, I'm not about to keel over.
> 
> And - the age/socio-economic group was pretty much the same both times.




My [limited] experience with Alaskans, is that they are pretty easygoing, patient, low-key people. I wouldn't be so surprised if you had been treated that way in NYC or SoCal. And I never thought of Alaskans as being superficial.

Live and learn; perhaps you should just stay away from Alaska:wink2:


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

FalCod said:


> 21 for women. For guys, it is more situational.


This is completely accurate I believe.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

My wife (50 at the time) went to small box store where several women were chatting. They asked her how many grandchildren she had.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> My wife (50 at the time) went to small box store where several women were chatting. They asked her how many grandchildren she had.


Wow. :surprise:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I remember a female humorist saying she tells everyone she is 60 (she was 50). Cause she looked pretty bad for 50 but AWESOME for 60!

I am heretofore 72!


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

CharlieParker said:


> My wife (50 at the time) went to small box store where several women were chatting. They asked her how many grandchildren she had.


They might have meant 2 or 3?

If your wife had a kid at 22, then that kid started having kids at 23; she could be a grandmother of 2 or 3 kids by now.

It's less common than it used to be; but it's not unreasonable for a 50 year old to be a grandparent to a few kids.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

minimalME said:


> Yep. Twice.
> 
> And I don't even look _that_ old. I mean, I'm not about to keel over.
> 
> And - the age/socio-economic group was pretty much the same both times.


What was the age/socio-economic group?

I live in SoCal and would be surprised if a kid ever said that to me. We might be wild but we're not uncivilized. Remind them that age is unavoidable but bad manners aren't.

BTW, I vote for curacao blue with streaks of lime green.:grin2:


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> What was the age/socio-economic group?


Early 20s, lower middle class.



> I live in SoCal and would be surprised if a kid ever said that to me. We might be wild but we're not uncivilized. *Remind them* that age is unavoidable but bad manners aren't.


Then I'd really sound old!



> BTW, I vote for curacao blue *with streaks of lime green*.:grin2:


Sweet!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I am 34 and in the last couple of years I've been really aware of my age and how old I might look, whereas before I never gave it a second thought. I don't like this new found awareness of feeling old! I think it started when my hair suddenly started going gray. Not just a single gray here or there, but a solid patch growing in! I never used to color my hair but now I'm doing it religiously to hide the gray because I think it makes me look older to leave it untouched. 

I also find shopping for clothes to be a drag. It seems really difficult to find clothes for your 30's.. most things either seem too young for me or much too old. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

kag123 said:


> think it started when my hair suddenly started going gray. Not just a single gray here or there, but a solid patch growing in! I never used to color my hair but now I'm doing it religiously to hide the gray because I think it makes me look older to leave it untouched.


See, I think gray is cool. 

I like gray, I like scars and wrinkles. I think they make people interesting. Much more so than the plastic look of surgery.

Having said that though, I do think men wear age better than women. Unfortunately.

I can kinda understand dying it when you're transitioning, but on some people, it's just SO obvious and unnatural looking.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

minimalME said:


> See, I think gray is cool.


And so do some hipster “kids”, and they are willing to pay for it. My wife was asked more than once who did her color.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

notmyrealname4 said:


> They might have meant 2 or 3?
> 
> If your wife had a kid at 22, then that kid started having kids at 23; she could be a grandmother of 2 or 3 kids by now.
> 
> It's less common than it used to be; but it's not unreasonable for a 50 year old to be a grandparent to a few kids.


Yep. I am 43 and grandparent to a 4 y/o.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I am 43. I have had people surprised to hear I have adult kids. But my first one I had 2 weeks after my 18th birthday.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> And so do some hipster “kids”, and they are willing to pay for it. My wife was asked more than once who did her color.


Yes, I've also been asked if I dye it.

And there is a part of me that's wondered if that played into the snide comments. Kind of like - 'Okay, you did this with your hair, and it just makes you look older.' 

Besides the two street comments, I had one coworker say to another coworker - 'Doesn't she realize that having her hair that color makes her look older?' And the coworker who was on the receiving end is actually 10 years older than me, and said, 'Well, she is older.' And then told him my age - and he was surprised. 

Lots of people are surprised. 

But there's no part of me that wants to be 21 again. I accept who I am and how I look, and I'm comfortable. And I don't think dying it would make me more attractive. It would probably make me self-conscious.

It's crazy how we live in this schizophrenic world where on the one hand we're bombarded with messages to accept who we are, yet we're equally bombarded with messages to change.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I had my oldest son at 20 and he had his first child at 20 so I was a grandma at 40. Not unheard of at all. I am now 49 and have 3 grandchildren 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

So, here's a guy answer: 

Age really is just a state of mind.

Just turned 72. Train with a personal trainer 2 days a week and on my own 3 days. 

I'm fitter now than anytime since mid-30s.

Shaved head (no gray).

Full beard - Grizzly Mountain Beard Dye (no gray).

TRT

I do get called "sir."

Just got a hall pass.

I'm on Tinder.

Life is good.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

minimalME said:


> But there's no part of me that wants to be 21 again.


Okay - I lie. 

If I could have my 21 year old stomach back, (pre-pregnancy) I'd take it.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

On grandkids, it took my wife back a little, not so much from age thing but more a prerequisite to having grandchildren is having having kids, we didn’t.


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## HDC (Nov 8, 2017)

Well getting older is just part of life, better than the alternative. Most women I know just wanna stay 29.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I just smile at them and proudly tell them that Methuselah is my kid brother!*


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Getting older is better than the only alternative.
I get sad when people ask about my grandchildren. I don't have any. Not expecting any.
Mrs Nail has young skin but stopped dying her hair at 50. DD26 (the older of the Irish twins) is half my age, but often mistaken as my wife. I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or offended.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Once a very young co worker - she was probably 23 - told me “I hope I look as good as you do when I’m you’re age.”

I was 30! Lol

I just thought wow girl, you will likely look exactly the same when you are 30. I wondered what made her think someone would look “old” at 30? 

I don’t mind age remarks, they usually come from well meaning younger people who are just trying to figure out their lives and they think older people are so much different than they are. Joke’s on them! As they will soon learn....youth is fleeting and the “old” part you worry about when you are young is probably nothing like you think it will be! As grandpa Simpson used to say “it’ll happen to youuuuuuuuuu”. Ha!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

minimalME said:


> But what has been hard is that in the recent past, I'll be walking down the street, and a young person (a complete stranger) will make a nasty comment about me being 'old'. It happened in Alaska around a year ago, and it happened last month when I was downtown.
> 
> When it happens it's really shocking because it's so fast, yet it'll stay with me for days. It's hurtful.
> 
> Edited to add - The comments don't hurt my feeling because of my age, they hurt just cause they're mean.


WHAT? You're walking along and a total stranger makes a mean comment to you? Can you say what one of them was? Not to thread jack but this blows my mind. Who would do that? That's just WEIRD!


To answer the OP Question so I don't totally thread jack: I'd say around 22 or so I no longer wanted to look older. Now I'm in my 50's and don't really worry about it as much because I've found that most guys seem attracted to women their actual age. I grew up believing men always wanted a younger, perfect looking woman. Now that I have been disabused of that notion, my age is not bothering me so much.

Though I still want a face lift some day. The lines don't faze me but I really dislike the sagging skin - it makes one look tired.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

A teenager once gave up her seat for me. I would call that a mixed blessing.

I think around 25 or maybe even 22, women do want to start looking their age. And then by 30, they want people to assume that they are younger.

Never ever say "You look good for your age."


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm not sure I've ever met any adult over about college age, male or female, who wanted to hear that they looked older than they were.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> WHAT? You're walking along and a total stranger makes a mean comment to you? Can you say what one of them was? Not to thread jack but this blows my mind. Who would do that? That's just WEIRD!


In Alaska, a coworker and I were in either Juneau or Ketchikan, and we were walking around downtown, and two guys passed us, and the comment was basically that I was her mom.

And then the other one, here in Salt Lake City, was calling me 'granny' or 'grandma'. 

It happens so fast (cause we're just walking past each other) that it take my mind a minute to even process that I've been spoken to. And then it's like - did I really hear what I think I heard???

And it's just odd that people are like this. It's not in my DNA to go around directly making comments to strangers about their appearance, so I don't understand why people get a rush out of it. But that's probably a good thing.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

minimalME said:


> In Alaska, a coworker and I were in either Juneau or Ketchikan, and we were walking around downtown, and two guys passed us, and the comment was basically that I was her mom.
> 
> And then the other one, here in Salt Lake City, was calling me 'granny' or 'grandma'.
> 
> ...


Bizarre! What is strange to me is that if they do not know you, they can't know if you look old or young for your age. Commenting on a stranger's age seems bizarre to me.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think that people should just keep their opinions to themselves and then it won't be an issue. If a person has an opinion about how old or young someone looks compared to their age, why would they assume the other person needs to hear it?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I will be honest. I file this sort of thing as one of the stupidest things on Earth to be offended by. It's an age comment. People are being beheaded and oppressed over the world, while dying of starvation. Suck it up and move on.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Not sure, hasn't happened to me yet as I look younger than my age and I am now early 50's. However, I think I wont care if it happens, I have learned through the years that other peoples opinions, are just that.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

Personally, I have more important things to concern myself with than people thinking I am looking older than my age, 47. It has been a rough 3 years, between losing my dad almost 3 years ago just after Christmas, unexpectedly, putting my horse down right before Christmas, my beloved Mastiff dying a few weeks afterwards, and my uncle finally losing his battle with cancer on New Years Eve, all in under a month of each other. 
Just when I feel like I am finally recovering from such devastating loses, my mother went to the ER for what she thought were gallstones. Instead she was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroendocrine cancer in July of this year, that started in her kidney (which is highly unusual) and has metastasized to her liver, thyroid and bones. She has no surgical options, and the doctors do not expect her to live longer than 2 years at most. So, no, someone saying I look old doesn't phase me. Most days I feel 90!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Exactly! If someone's biggest problem.is that a random acquaintance or stranger thought they were older, I want that life.

Thicken thy skin.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

CharlieParker said:


> My wife (50 at the time) went to small box store where several women were chatting. They asked her how many grandchildren she had.


Not that uncommon to have grandchildren at that age, a friend of mine had 3 by then.


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## Dusk (Oct 29, 2018)

It's always offensive. Why would I be interested in how old someone thinks I look?


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