# Confused



## 4waysplit (Dec 22, 2011)

i recently entered a new stage in my life returning to college after remaining at home to raise our child. I was 19 when i met my husband 20 when i had his child and 27 when i married him . Things havent always been smooth sailing and i wouldnt really expect them too - I always wanted more children he drastically changed his mind and decided against more and that opened a rift between us. I try to fill it with college and a social life but he uses every oppertunity to undermine me - he tells our daughter how i am a terrible mother and how she shouldnt do as i tell her while he travels alot for work being gone up to 5 days a week every week. Nothing i do is good enough on his return home the house is a mess - i neglect our child blah blah blah he goes on and on. I try to change the subject i try to please him but i cant do all he expects on my own and maintain college he knows this so we fight i tell him he undermines me and yes i scream at him begging him to stop to please support me to help me that i cant cope like this that i hate fighting. Each time we fight i say the same things over and over and each time he insists it is all in my head and that i am out of order i am wrong i am a useless waste of space don't i know how hard he works for money and on and on it goes a list of my faults so long it scares me. Well tonight it happened again and this time it got worse ALOT worse he started shouting at me to stop shouting at him i started begging for help support and then he grabbed me reallly hard and in his own words removed me from the situation . Now he tells me it is my fault that he has nothing to be sorry for , and me i try to say touch me like that again and either kill me or leave me those are your choices. I think i have to leave i am scared and i am sick of being told how much of a terrible human i am. Should i ? is this even in the realms of normal for a marriage ? i dont know if i am overreacting i dont know if this happens and people dont talk about it i just need some help .


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Your self-esteem is shattered, so you can't even evaluate your situation. Your husband is abusing you. You and your daughter need to get out. It's not going to get better.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You've been in this sick situation for so long that you are questioning whether or not it is normal. NO, IT IS NOT NORMAL. You are being abused by your husband. Do you want your child to grow up in this environment and see this as an example of marriage?

You have to be brave enough to go to the nearest women's shelter, where you can get free legal advice and free lodging. Go the the Y or the Salvation Army. Yes, I realize that sounds extreme, but you need to get your head, your body, and your child into a normal environment.

I would suggest you don't egg on your husband; particularly, don't dare him to kill you. He may take you up on that. And I'm not kidding about this. I was battered for five years before I left my husband, and I know how I minimized the abuse and downright denied it.


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## 4waysplit (Dec 22, 2011)

I am in the uk women shelters wont take me (as i am not in not in a high enoungh risk catergory ) and the salvation army centers are mainly for drug addicts. I would try my mum but the only time some years ago when i did manage to get him out to have me think and clear my head she did support me in getting him out but after a week of him out of my house she took him in !! I guess he is one hell of a charmer. My new plan is to get him out . I dont know how exactly but the fact he has so little respect for me to not even be sorry and try the whole the police would take my side line means the end is very much nigh for him. I just need a way an exit plan. it goes step one get him out step 2 figure out how i am going to get myself financially together step 3 focus on kid and college and breathe. But it is step one that is baffeling me.


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