# Thirteen Years Today



## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

So today is our 13th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe that 13 years ago, on this day, was one of the happiest in my life.

ILK

Friday night I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" statement. After all this time, I wonder why it was necessary to say that to me now. It hurt beyond words.

I know I can't really start to heal as long as he continues to stay in the house. Being around him is so much harder than when he's not around.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

He cheated?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Not to my knowledge. He just wants out of the marriage. He thinks we are toxic together.

He just called and wished me a Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!

Seriously?????


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> Not to my knowledge. He just wants out of the marriage. He thinks we are toxic together.
> 
> He just called and wished me a Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Seriously?????


Do you have any reason to believe there is someone else? Any odd behavior? There may be, you have to dig around.

How did you respond to his call?


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> Do you have any reason to believe there is someone else? Any odd behavior? There may be, you have to dig around.
> 
> How did you respond to his call?


He did display some strange behavior months ago. I spoke about that in my original post on here but I don't know how to include it in this thread. Also he has his cell phone locked with a password as well as his ipad.

I didn't say much - I was pretty stunned to be honest. I did send him an email after the phone call which reads:

I don’t expect you to answer this but just hear me out.

You calling me and wishing me a “Happy Anniversary” is just as hurtful as what you said to me Friday night.

There is NO WAY that you do not SEE how unhappy and sad THIS situation is making me.
I do not think the road we are travelling down is a joke.
Next Monday you are meeting with your attorney to go over OUR separation agreement.
Shortly after that, we will BOTH be meeting with our attorney’s, together, to sign the separation agreement.
AND shortly after that, you will be moving out because we both need to get on with our lives.

You are very good at acting like you don’t care and NONE of this bothers you but I am not like you.
I wish I had that talent.
I am so tired of crying – every – single – weekend.

Our marriage is clearly dead.
Calling me and wishing me a happy anniversary is just another knife in the gut.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stop. No more talking to him like that. Time to worry about you.

I'm not 100% clear, do you have your own attorney or are you sharing one?

I'll have to look at your original post but take it from someone who overlooked her stbxh' s strange behavior, if you suspect something there's probably something going on. Check credit card statements. Can you request phone records from the cell phone company? 

You need to go no contact with him. In other words, when he wished you a happy anniversary, you should have never responded. Ignore his attempts to engage you.

Sorry you find yourself here.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> Stop. No more talking to him like that. Time to worry about you.
> 
> I'm not 100% clear, do you have your own attorney or are you sharing one?
> 
> ...


We both have our own attorneys. My STBXH originally drafted up a separation agreement (we have to have one because of the state we live in also because we have children) and I brought it to my attorney who edited it. Now it's back to his.

I can't get phone records because his phone is a work phone. We don't pay the bill. His company does.

So, this may sound like a really dumb question but WHY would he bother acknowledging our anniversary at all??? 

I know. The email just makes me look weak and pathetic which is what I have become. UGH!!!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> We both have our own attorneys. My STBXH originally drafted up a separation agreement (we have to have one because of the state we live in also because we have children) and I brought it to my attorney who edited it. Now it's back to his.
> 
> I can't get phone records because his phone is a work phone. We don't pay the bill. His company does.
> 
> ...


Look it's okay. I did sort of the same thing three weeks after mine left. It was sort of a relief to get it all out but after that I never did it again. Just don't do it anymore.

I was in the same boat with the phone records, he had a work phone. The only think I could track was his credit card stuff and to an extent his mileage report. He always had an answer if I questioned something though so it didn't all make sense until after he left. You can always put a voice activated recorder in his car and see if it picks up anything suspicious.

I'm not sure why he acknowledged it except maybe it was an empty gesture? He didn't want to look like a total jerk. Maybe he said it to see what kind of response he'd get from you? 
That's why it's time to take the focus off him and put it on you and your kids.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Thanks SS. You are right. I need to stop focusing so much of my energy on him. It is just very difficult while we are still in the same house. 

I have heard about the VARs before but not sure where to get one or what type to get and then, what if he found it? I would feel even more pathetic than I do now.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> Not to my knowledge. He just wants out of the marriage. He thinks we are toxic together.
> 
> He just called and wished me a Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Seriously?????


whats so "Happy" about it? i hate when people that walked away from you do this, i got the "happy fathers day" "happy birthday" like really? 

sorry just couldnt help to vent about the word "happy"


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Jntrs said:


> whats so "Happy" about it? i hate when people that walked away from you do this, i got the "happy fathers day" "happy birthday" like really?
> 
> sorry just couldnt help to vent about the word "happy"


I got a happy birthday from mine yesterday. He started the text with "even though you didn't wish me one happy birthday" I reminded him I was upset with him at the time (he left 2 months before).
They just don't think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> Thanks SS. You are right. I need to stop focusing so much of my energy on him. It is just very difficult while we are still in the same house.
> 
> I have heard about the VARs before but not sure where to get one or what type to get and then, what if he found it? I would feel even more pathetic than I do now.


I'm not sure but I'm sure if you check amazon you can find a good one.

It's not pathetic to use one, you're protecting yourself now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> I got a happy birthday from mine yesterday. He started the text with "even though you didn't wish me one happy birthday" I reminded him I was upset with him at the time (he left 2 months before).
> They just don't think
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


they do think and after all they want to look like the good guys and get some guilt off of them, i never wish her a happy anything, and i know that it hurt her bad, i could have been the nice guy but i refused to


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Jntrs said:


> whats so "Happy" about it? i hate when people that walked away from you do this, i got the "happy fathers day" "happy birthday" like really?
> 
> sorry just couldnt help to vent about the word "happy"


Yeah, I found it to be pretty darn cruel after telling me Friday night that he still loved me but wasn't in love with me. 2 days later, you call and say Happy Anniversary????????

Feel free to vent away. That is ALL I seem to do these days!


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> I got a happy birthday from mine yesterday. He started the text with "even though you didn't wish me one happy birthday" I reminded him I was upset with him at the time (he left 2 months before).
> They just don't think
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are 100% correct. Clearly there is no thinking. He did respond to my pathetically sad email saying: Sorry, wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to hurt you.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> I'm not sure but I'm sure if you check amazon you can find a good one.
> 
> It's not pathetic to use one, you're protecting yourself now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But where do you hide it in their vehicle so they don't find it? Like under the seat or something? I hate to sound stupid but this IS NOT my area of expertise.............


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

So tonight he comes home with flowers.

Says they are I'm sorry flowers for being a jerk - that is for calling me and wishing me happy anniversary.

More mind games?

I am working on the 180 and thought I did really good tonight.

I don't get him at all!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Yep under the seat.

Mind games. Keep up the 180 and focus on you.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Limbo Lady ~

Trust me, you must NOT contact him. I found this out the hard way and I don't want you to make the same mistake I have been making for years.

Take Care ~

VH


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

VeryHurt said:


> Limbo Lady ~
> 
> Trust me, you must NOT contact him. I found this out the hard way and I don't want you to make the same mistake I have been making for years.
> 
> ...


Well once he actually moves out of the house it will be much easier to stop contact. Of course, there will always be contact because we have two boys that we will be sharing custody of.

However, there will be no more of my pathetic, feel sorry for myself emails. They do nothing except make me feel worse.


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