# Can't figure it out.



## adam56 (Sep 23, 2013)

Sorry for the long post, to give you warning. My wife and I have been married for 9 year. She has 2 children in their teens now, from her previous marriage. I have accepted them, and have done my best to raise them. We have one younger child together. We are in our late 30's. When we were dating, she couldn't keep her hands off me, not to brag. She was always hugging me, and kissing me. We had sex alot too. Since we've been married, and I should say lately, she's been distant. We have sex about 4 times a month on average. She doesn't really hug me, unless I hug her, and then it's not even a hug, it's forced. She doesn't kiss me, when I try to kiss her, she turns her head so I kiss her cheek. She claims it's her anxiety, but she's done nothing to fix it. She used to see a counselar, but she's stopped. I didn't marry the woman she's become, I married the loving, caring affectionate woman she was. She's now an angry, cold woman. What's wrong here? Thanks.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

Would have to know a lot more about you before giving any kind of answer.
Do you both work. Did the counsellor make her worse. Anxiety usually has some sort of reason what is it. Unless you get to the root of it nothing will help
You write she is angry what about? Have you done something to upset her.
If we know a bit more I am sure you will find help here.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

are there any other red flags?

is she posessive with her cell?
secertive with the computer?
dressing nicer?
do you know the finances? 
losing weight?

start snooping but act normal. don't keep questioning her.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I'm rather happy if we get 4 times a month
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

adam56 said:


> Sorry for the long post, to give you warning. My wife and I have been married for 9 year. She has 2 children in their teens now, from her previous marriage. I have accepted them, and have done my best to raise them. We have one younger child together. We are in our late 30's. When we were dating, she couldn't keep her hands off me, not to brag. She was always hugging me, and kissing me. We had sex alot too. Since we've been married, and I should say lately, she's been distant. We have sex about 4 times a month on average. She doesn't really hug me, unless I hug her, and then it's not even a hug, it's forced. She doesn't kiss me, when I try to kiss her, she turns her head so I kiss her cheek. She claims it's her anxiety, but she's done nothing to fix it. She used to see a counselar, but she's stopped. I didn't marry the woman she's become, I married the loving, caring affectionate woman she was. She's now an angry, cold woman. What's wrong here? Thanks.


Your post doesn't have enough info.

How does her anxiety prevent her from wanting to touch you, hug you or kiss you? Not seeing the connection here.


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## Psy.D. C. Maso (Jan 22, 2013)

> I didn't marry the woman she's become, I married the loving, caring affectionate woman she was. She's now an angry, cold woman. What's wrong here? Thanks.


You should completely withdraw your touchy feely for a week or two. If she does not apporoach you in the slightest way within this time, then there is an issue. 
If she does approach you, dont jump into reciprocating too fast because that will just turn on her reflexes (without her beieng aware of this conciously!): which are currently on defense when it comes to affection.


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