# Advice please....Divorce is near



## THONEYCUT (Apr 27, 2008)

Ok, I'm not sure where to start. I've been married now for almost four years. Before my husband and I got married we had a daughter,which only lived seven days due to a health problem which was not detected before birth. I guess we had a hard start, because after her death when I was at rock bottom he walked out on me. He stated he couldn't handle all the depression I was going through. So he left for about two months. Durning that time I had to go through counsling by myself. I did have support from my family,friends and co-workers durning this time. To me it just wasn't the same.

Well, after two months he came back, and at that point I was still depressed but able to handle things better. He stayed and we got married a year later. Things seemed to be going ok, then the issues with his daughter from a previous marriage started. She would act out torward me, and I would always talk to him about it and he would yell saying she would never do anything like that. But, when he would talk to his ex she would tell him the samething which I told him when the event happened. So we have had a time with this over the past two years as well. 

We also, have had two sons since getting married. Ever since our youngest son was born, he has been distance. I ask him every other week to go to cousling,but get the same reply "why should I go, there not going to help me" or "I'm not going to talk to anyone". Every time I would try to talk to him I would get upset and start crying, he would get up and leave the room. He would say "he can't talk to me right now" or " I can't handle this". It's at the point now after over two years of trying I've had it! 

When I told him I was done trying he just looked at me. Really didn't say anything, this has been two weeks ago. Since then he said he thinks I'm making the wrong decision in wanting a divorce. He said he admitted he was wrong in not listening to me for over the past two years in seeking cousling. He said if I want the divorce, he wants us to live together after the divorce, so he could be around the children still. I can understand that to a point, because he would move over an hour away once the divorce was final. Then I think well he just wants a so called free ride thinking the longer he stays here we may work things out again. I'm not thinking that way at all.. I'm completely done. He said he really doesn't want the divorce but he understands that I've had it.

And in the middle of all of this I've been on disabilty now for over three years because of health problems. I had to have back surgery in November 2007. Things with that recovery and healing have not been going as planned. I also have several other health issues. I also, tried talking to him about this he doesn't want to hear it. His response is "Just deal with it". I told him I need to be able to talk to him about some of these issues with my health , and he says the samething. I told him I thought being in a marriage is also giving/receiving support by means of talking, or even just a shoulder to lean on. He doesn't want to deal with any of this either. 

I've tried writing a letter to him,but that didn't work either. So like I stated I'm done. No more tears just anger torwards him. I do care for him because of the children and don't want anything to happen to him. Other than that no I'm not in love with him anymore. That feeling is gone!

So please give me some advice or any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I offered cousling together or by himself and he refuses.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

What ever happened to in sickness and health?

It seems like your husband has no empathy. I can see why you want a divorce.

I don't think him living with you afterwards is needed.

draconis


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## THONEYCUT (Apr 27, 2008)

Thank you draconis for your post. I ask him about empathy as well. I get no reply, like always. Or he doesn't want to talk/deal with the issue at hand and walks out. I tried not really talking to him just to see what happens. That doesn't do anything, he will start saying things to make me mad to start an arguement. Like I stated before, there are no more tears. Thanks again for your post.


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## canadian52 (May 8, 2008)

I think that the best advice is to get in touch with a professional. Take a look at this website of a lawyer who talks about all the things and steps one needs to consider when wanting a divorce. Canadian Family Law - First Steps


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

THONEYCUT said:


> Thank you draconis for your post. I ask him about empathy as well. I get no reply, like always. Or he doesn't want to talk/deal with the issue at hand and walks out. I tried not really talking to him just to see what happens. That doesn't do anything, he will start saying things to make me mad to start an arguement. Like I stated before, there are no more tears. Thanks again for your post.


I feel sorry that you are in the situation that you are in if you ever need anything just remember we are always here, for help, or even an ear to listen to a rant.

draconis


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## letstalk (Jul 12, 2011)

Hi all, have a question. I have been married for 32 years. We have 4 kids two still home. Great kids. My hus is a very good man whose family means everything to him. He or I never cheated. We had our rough times first few years of marraige I guess like everyone else. Here is the problem...I am feeling like I don't want to be married anymore. Through all our married life I have always done everyting, bills, house work, yard work, change lightbulbs, fix anything broken in house (he has no motivation)everything with the kids, their schooling, Dr. appts., his medications (he has health issues) activities, trips, games, movies. Whenever my son asks him to play ball most of the time he says no and I do it with him. I have grown accustom to it just being me and the kids. It occured to me that as long as he is at work and it's just me and the kids I am very happy, when he comes home my whole mood changes. He eats and goes to bed and I am happy again. I lOVE my alone time whether with the kids or by myself just not with him. Besides his depression, He does absolutely nothing wrong, he gives me and the kids everything we want (material) he is very nice it's just his whole life revolves around me. It's me. I thought it was just a faze I am going through but I have been thinking about it way too long now for it to be that. I am afraid to spend the next years on prozac or end up like my mother and father married for 55 years and she has always looked sad. I thought about marraige counselor but to be honest with you I don't even know if anything could be worked out. There is no one else in my life nor do I ever want there to be anymore. I am a very independent person in excellent health and always optimistic, but his depression, and health issues are wearing on me. He has taken several months off of work now for stress and I don't see me lasting another few weeks. I do know that if I ever told him I wanted a divorce it would kill him on the spot since he never would see that coming. I think my kids see it more than him..although I NEVER talk about these things with the younger ones. My older one 30, knows and has known my situation for years and although loves her dad, does support me and understands exactly how I am feeling. She also tells me she wished he was more of a dad to her when she was young.
Don't know what to do...........


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ LetSTALK--you need to post your own thread and not high-jack these threads from 2008


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## letstalk (Jul 12, 2011)

Jellybeans..I don't know what that means. I'm sorry am I on the wrong board. I'm not trying to step on anyones toes. This posting stuff is new to me, I'm an older woman new to this. Please advise me where I should post my questions. My apologies again.


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## Avalon (Jul 5, 2011)

letstalk - highlight everything you typed in your post above. Then go back to the main page for this forum, "Considering Divorce or Separation", and click on the button on the top left that says "New Thread". Paste in what you copied, and then it will be it's own new topic that people can reply to. Hope that helps


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## letstalk (Jul 12, 2011)

Avalon..thanks so much for the help. I followed your instructions and posted new thread. Just wanted to show my appreciation  and say thanks.


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