# 2x divorced man = woman repellant??



## needing_affection

So after 4 years of trying to make my marriage work, I have finally givin up and filed for divorce. Yes, I know I said in a post 8 months ago that I was filing right then, but I just couldn't give up yet. So as this is my 2nd divorce, I am feeling like a failure. I am one of the few divorced people in my family and will be the only 2x divorcee. I don't even know anyone else that has been divorced 2x. I felt justified after my first divorce as I had found out she had been having an affair for 1 1/2 years so it was a clear cut decision for me. This one is harder because it is because of her uncontrolled spending and pretty much zero affection of any kind from her towards me. So now here I am, soon to be divorced 2x, have 2 children, 1 from each ex-wife and will be turning 40 in a few months. I have a great family, good job and alot of other things going for me, but I just haven't had much luck with love. So basically I feel like quite the loser right now and I'm wondering something...Do you think women will be interested in having a relationship with a man that has been divorced 2x?


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## arbitrator

Meet another two-time "winner!" Both of my marriages fastly dissolved due to infidelity with two cheating wives who sought greener pastures elsewhere. Their fault ~ not mine!

And while I have not yet found Ms. Right certainly doesn't mean that I'm not going to keep pursuing her!

Keep a loving heart and a positive attitude, and you will succeed at finding love. After all, God does not want us to be alone!


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## Lon

needing_affection said:


> So after 4 years of trying to make my marriage work, I have finally givin up and filed for divorce. Yes, I know I said in a post 8 months ago that I was filing right then, but I just couldn't give up yet. So as this is my 2nd divorce, I am feeling like a failure. I am one of the few divorced people in my family and will be the only 2x divorcee. I don't even know anyone else that has been divorced 2x. I felt justified after my first divorce as I had found out she had been having an affair for 1 1/2 years so it was a clear cut decision for me. This one is harder because it is because of her uncontrolled spending and pretty much zero affection of any kind from her towards me. So now here I am, soon to be divorced 2x, have 2 children, 1 from each ex-wife and will be turning 40 in a few months. I have a great family, good job and alot of other things going for me, but I just haven't had much luck with love. So basically I feel like quite the loser right now and I'm wondering something...Do you think women will be interested in having a relationship with a man that has been divorced 2x?


just FYI, you are equally as justified in your reasons for your second divorce if it's simply that either one of you didn't have the capacity or will to meet the other's needs in the marriage.

But after your first divorce you never saw the opportunity to take a valuable lesson about not rushing into marriage. How long were you dating/engaged to your second W? If it wasn't atleast 3 years then you likely didn't give yourself the chance to fully get to know her and what your marriage would be like once the new relationship effect wore off.

You are right, not many people divorce twice - many divorcees simply don't remarry or else go on to several more divorces. It's usually after three divorces that the real pattern emerges. And even then, there are some who don't see anything wrong with that.


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## Deejo

Woman repellant? Not likely.

Find your feet. Find your confidence. There is no need to apologize for, or to, anyone for deciding to leave bad relationships.

Marriage repellant? I think you need to fix your picker before you decide to put a ring on another finger.


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## Jellybeans

_*Do you think women will be interested in having a relationship with a man that has been divorced 2x? *_

Some will. Some won't.

There are 7 billion people on this planet so you are likely to meet someone again, whether it's for marriage or not. 

Good luck and take care of yourself.


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## needing_affection

Lon said:


> just FYI, you are equally as justified in your reasons for your second divorce if it's simply that either one of you didn't have the capacity or will to meet the other's needs in the marriage.
> 
> But after your first divorce you never saw the opportunity to take a valuable lesson about not rushing into marriage. How long were you dating/engaged to your second W? If it wasn't atleast 3 years then you likely didn't give yourself the chance to fully get to know her and what your marriage would be like once the new relationship effect wore off.
> 
> You are right, not many people divorce twice - many divorcees simply don't remarry or else go on to several more divorces. It's usually after three divorces that the real pattern emerges. And even then, there are some who don't see anything wrong with that.





Yes you are right. I met wife #2 right when my divorce was final. We dated for 2 years before we got married. I thought I had my head right, but apparantly not...


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## needing_affection

Deejo said:


> Woman repellant? Not likely.
> 
> Find your feet. Find your confidence. There is no need to apologize for, or to, anyone for deciding to leave bad relationships.
> 
> Marriage repellant? I think you need to fix your picker before you decide to put a ring on another finger.


 Thanks, I dont think I'm going to be doing the marriage
thing again. Seems like a license for people to stop trying...


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## needing_affection

Jellybeans said:


> _*Do you think women will be interested in having a relationship with a man that has been divorced 2x? *_
> 
> Some will. Some won't.
> 
> There are 7 billion people on this planet so you are likely to meet someone again, whether it's for marriage or not.
> 
> Good luck and take care of yourself.


Yes 7 billion people, but I meet very few new people in my day to day life. I'm thinking the only way I'm going to eventually meet anybody new is online dating. I'm worried that once they see I have been divorced 2x they will pass me up without giving me a chance...


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## Healer

arbitrator said:


> After all, God does not want us to be alone!


Really dude??


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## Healer

How about Steve Earle? That dude has been married EIGHT TIMES.

I'm reluctant to ever get married again for this very reason. My first marriage (cheating wife) embittered me so to marriage...it would take one hell of a special woman for me to take that plunge again.

But there are plenty of women with 2 or more marriages under their belt too. You'll be fine. Just don't be so quick to put a ring on it next time.


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## arbitrator

As a twice-divorced male, I'm a member of a couple of online dating venues. I have some women hitting on me, but it gives me the chance to be more selective, just as I feel it gives them. But you never have to advertise the fact that you're twice divorced.

Just chat with the women and share commonalities and interests. Have fun and talk and don't let yourself get serious too quickly. Meet them and just have fun!


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## SamuraiJack

It's a natural filter.

It might be time to do some more introspection.
Repellant? Nah. 
It just signals that you are willing to what needs to be done.

Besides...could be the third time is the charm


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## needing_affection

SamuraiJack said:


> It's a natural filter.
> 
> It might be time to do some more introspection.
> Repellant? Nah.
> It just signals that you are willing to what needs to be done.
> 
> Besides...could be the third time is the charm


Thanks, I have been doing alot of introspection (with the help of a phsychologist) and have figured out that I overlook certain personality redflags because of looks. Both of my Exs are very attractive women...


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## needing_affection

My Sister says instead of hot and bit**y woman I need a fat and happy girl next time...lol


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## Wolf1974

:smthumbup:Not likely. You're good until your three times divorce


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## 3Xnocharm

Wolf1974 said:


> :smthumbup:Not likely. You're good until your three times divorce


Wow, so I guess I am screwed then, eh?  See my user name?

I have found that if there seems to be concerns about my number, once I explain that my last one lasted less than a year because my husband kicked me out to remarry his first wife, I get a little more understanding, lol.


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## Wolf1974

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, so I guess I am screwed then, eh?  See my user name?
> 
> I have found that if there seems to be concerns about my number, once I explain that my last one lasted less than a year because my husband kicked me out to remarry his first wife, I get a little more understanding, lol.


well yeah I think all goes with explanation. Excluding cheating some things that look bad can be explained away fairly easily. My experience in the dating is that it's hard to explain that you are divorced twice and some consider it a deal breaker without hearing the explanation. Far more hear three and say no way am I getting involved. Always exceptions to the rule but you DO deserve to explain. Not all who are divorced , divorced twice, or even three times are bad people or bad at relationships.


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## unbelievable

needing_affection said:


> So after 4 years of trying to make my marriage work, I have finally givin up and filed for divorce. Yes, I know I said in a post 8 months ago that I was filing right then, but I just couldn't give up yet. So as this is my 2nd divorce, I am feeling like a failure. I am one of the few divorced people in my family and will be the only 2x divorcee. I don't even know anyone else that has been divorced 2x. I felt justified after my first divorce as I had found out she had been having an affair for 1 1/2 years so it was a clear cut decision for me. This one is harder because it is because of her uncontrolled spending and pretty much zero affection of any kind from her towards me. So now here I am, soon to be divorced 2x, have 2 children, 1 from each ex-wife and will be turning 40 in a few months. I have a great family, good job and alot of other things going for me, but I just haven't had much luck with love. So basically I feel like quite the loser right now and I'm wondering something...Do you think women will be interested in having a relationship with a man that has been divorced 2x?


If your job is good enough some wouldn't care if you've been married 200 times.


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## needing_affection

unbelievable said:


> If your job is good enough some wouldn't care if you've been married 200 times.


That is probably true, but I don't think those are the type of women I need...:scratchhead:


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## Pluto2

One of my best friends (male) has been married and divorced FOUR times. He is a lot of fun to be with, but absolutely horrible at relationships. I've told him if he starts making noises about wedding number five I'm staging an intervention. His kids will help.


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## VermisciousKnid

needing_affection said:


> Thanks, I have been doing alot of introspection (with the help of a phsychologist) and have figured out that I overlook certain personality redflags because of looks. Both of my Exs are very attractive women...


What are the the red flags you overlooked with Ex #1 and Ex #2? Is physical beauty so high on your priority list that you don't consider anything else at all?


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## SamuraiJack

VermisciousKnid said:


> What are the the red flags you overlooked with Ex #1 and Ex #2? Is physical beauty so high on your priority list that you don't consider anything else at all?


I have found that the amount of red flags I am willing to put up with is proportional to the hotness of the woman..

Took me a few tries to break myself of that one.


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## FeministInPink

needing_affection said:


> My Sister says instead of hot and bit**y woman I need a fat and happy girl next time...lol


As a fat and happy woman, I think your sister might be onto something...

2 divorces isn't a deal breaker, but it would make me very cautious... though I know several guys who are twice divorced, and they have no problem getting the dates. I don't think that's what you need to be concerned about. I think you should focus on making better choices in who you start a relationship with... which is essentially what your sister was saying.


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## VermisciousKnid

SamuraiJack said:


> I have found that the amount of red flags I am willing to put up with is proportional to the hotness of the woman..
> 
> Took me a few tries to break myself of that one.


Before you broke yourself of that habit, what was the worst thing that a hot woman did that you chose to overlook at the time? And what was the last straw?

Farting loudly at dinner?
Inviting her ex on the date?
Trying to get you to fight some big dude for her entertainment?


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## VermisciousKnid

needing_affection said:


> My Sister says instead of hot and bit**y woman I need a fat and happy girl next time...lol


Happy people recognize that no one else is responsible for their happiness. They aren't waiting around for someone else to make them happy. Your sister is right. 

You know the saying, "If you want something done, ask a busy person"? Busy people aren't afraid of work. They manage their time well. They know how to get things done. 

I think it's similar to happy people. They're able to keep themselves entertained. They put a positive spin on everything. If you want a positive relationship, see a happy person.


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## SamuraiJack

VermisciousKnid said:


> Before you broke yourself of that habit, what was the worst thing that a hot woman did that you chose to overlook at the time? And what was the last straw?
> 
> Farting loudly at dinner?
> Inviting her ex on the date?
> Trying to get you to fight some big dude for her entertainment?


She slept with one of the groomsman form a wedding she went to during summer break.
...but she was SOOOOO hot!

She was BPD and the makeup sex was something I STILL Have dreams about.

Remember that scene in Star Wars when the Millenium Falcon goes to light speed?
Same thing...only with sex happening too. It was like the more guilty she felt about something the hotter the sex..ah youth. 

Final straw? She finally transferred to another college.
Thank goodness because I was on the very precipice of madness from her inconsistent crazy behavior.


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## Jellybeans

SamuraiJack said:


> Remember that scene in Star Wars when the Millenium Falcon goes to light speed?
> Same thing...only with sex happening too. It was like the more guilty she felt about something the hotter the sex..ah youth.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## SamuraiJack

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:


Hey, I'm just being truthful.

Nothing says "I love you" like incredibly hot hysterical bonding sex with a BPD.
Nothing.
:lol:


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## Jellybeans

And Star Wars.


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## SamuraiJack

Jellybeans said:


> And Star Wars.












Yeah...exactly!


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## needing_affection

VermisciousKnid said:


> What are the the red flags you overlooked with Ex #1 and Ex #2? Is physical beauty so high on your priority list that you don't consider anything else at all?


Well I met Ex#1 when I was 20 years old. She was a few years older than me, beautiful, had alot of good traits ,and we had alot of fun togethor. Unfortunately I ignored the fact that she was very bit**y to most people and very needy and selfish. I ignored these issues for a long time until I found out she had been having a affair for almost 2 years so then she had to go. We were married for 10 years. Ex #2 I met the same month my divorce was final from Ex#1 and she was again beautiful and alot of fun, but also had a track record of many failed long term relationships. Allthough I was concerned, after 2 years of dating I was ready to ignore those "red flags" and get married again. And this Marriage only lasted 4 years. And they were 4 long miserable years as she is very self centered herself. So looking back, Yes I considered alot of things, but having beautiful women that wanted me at the time trumped all of my concerns of red flags. Plus with the 2nd one I guess there was some rebound stuff going on... I know, I'm an idiot...


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## IIJokerII

SamuraiJack said:


> Hey, I'm just being truthful.
> 
> Nothing says "I love you" like incredibly hot hysterical bonding sex with a BPD.
> Nothing.
> :lol:


Amen to this dude, I even got the same answer I'd get when I ask a friend where I can put my jacket when I go over his house. "You can just put that anywhere!!!"


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