# Guys, Am I selfish?



## angelishblue12 (Nov 10, 2012)

Hello,

Thank you for reading this. 

Can you please tell me if I am being unreasonable for thinking to leave him because of his habits? let me give you a story... my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now and we have a 13 month old baby. I know from the very start that he loves to go to the casino and play poker all day long and nights. He has a regular job and he plays poker on the side. Every fridays, he would go out and play poker all night long and come home at 3-5am in the morning but the problem sometimes, he doesn't really poker during those times. 

He would go out with his single friends and act like a wingman to them, usually he would tell me that he is going out after playing poker but not anymore.. he would tell me he needs to find his friends a girl and the only thing he could do for them is to go with them and sometimes dance with some girls just to hit with the other girls for his friends. He said he will only do this once or twice a month. He went home one night with a red lipsticks on his sleeves, and he swears up and down he never talk to a girl and maybe it was mine lisptick and he assures me that he would never cheat on me and he cant never hurt me and our baby..if he ever cheat on me he would tell me straight and not hide it. But He would murmur sometimes that his life sucks in front of me, and when I get really upset..he would say he just need me to calm him down coz he feels self pity on himself. He has some vices that promise he would stop doing it, but still smoking it. He is already like this before but Gosh, the longer i stay with him, the more I realize this is not where I want to be.. 

I do not know, I can't do this forever and I wish his friends would find their own girls so they would stop asking him to go out with them. How many times does men go out and drink at a club?

The only thing that stops me from leaving is that I still care about him and mostly our baby...but deep inside of me, i know what i want.. i want peace and don't worry about him anymore.. I told him one time he can be single again and Id leave, he said the baby is staying with him..and joint custody and stuff like that.. I can't change him and I have change to adjust for him.. I am feeling like a selfish woman but I know in my heart he was doing wrong or is it just me?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

angelishblue12 said:


> Hello,
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If you want peace you will more than likely need to remove yourself from him. As long as you're with him, I doubt you will have much peace. You need to also find out what your rights are. I doubt the baby will just be with him, he is saying this to scare you into staying so you wont go anywhere, its a scare tactic. If you seek out a lawyer and at least find out your rights you will need to be honest with them about his habits and the way he treats you that will likely work in your favor when it comes to the child.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

13 months + 9 months = 22 months. That's almost 2 years, the entire length of your relationship with him.

"he feels self pity on himself" Why? Does he feel trapped in a role or a relationship he didn't choose?

"he said the baby is staying with him"

Is his motivation for even being in this relationship you or the baby? If it's you, his actions are illogical.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Looking out for yourself and your child and doing something about it is NOT selfish. Staying in a unhealthy abusive situation, is. You have to take care of you and your child, because no one else will. I read your other post, and you know what you need to do, I hope you do it.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

angelishblue12 said:


> He went home one night with a red lipsticks on his sleeves, and he swears up and down he never talk to a girl and maybe it was mine lisptick and he assures me that he would never cheat on me and he cant never hurt me and our baby..if he ever cheat on me he would tell me straight and not hide it.


You are in denial. Period.

Time to move on.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

uh , , , tell him no you can't go out. Your not his mother but if he's being a punk put your foot down and say NO ! ! !


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