# It's been ten years, sigh please help me



## creativelyspkn

Greetings,

I will try to make this extra short as I am new to this forum, and am so desperate just for some fresh insight. 

Got married at 22. I met him in May got married in November. What was I thinking? That it was the right thing to do since I was a minister, taught sunday school and stuff, and how dare I lay up and get pregnant. Had everything going for me, literally- my own place, going to one of the best private colleges in the country, wore a size 2-3, just had it going on...and yes, I was and still am a born-again Believer. Just really was enjoying my life, I wasn't even looking to get married. Sigh. There was someone else in my rear view mirror that I thought was going to be my husband eventually, well we were in one of those off moments when I met my husband and before I blinked I was pregnant. That's where my arrogance got me. 

Anyway, my husband decided that he wanted me to stay home "the first three years" of each of our kids lives. You know what? I did. I'm just giving the short version. Gave up my place, moved from the city to the suburbs, put a scarf on my head and commenced to being his wife. Stayed home for a total of 9 years with a 10 mo stint on a job before having our third baby. Still I have managed to complete my undergrad degree in spite of him having his fits and discouraging me to do so. The point is this. Now I'm 32. I am just now working outside the home in 4 years. Can I be honest and say that I resent my husband now more than ever? My mind revels in the thought of living on the lake in a little apartment and just being with my kids. He still has the same core attitudes that he had when we met, he was more ****y than I was, a preacher's kid who was raised to believe that everyone in the entire world is wrong except him. Yet, I have had to labor, pray, fast, stay in the word and actually grow here...by myself. I am happy with the woman I am now. Truly, I am.

I feel that my twenties went up in a flash trying to be the black june cleaver while my husband traveled, did all kind of fabulous stuff in the ministry, and my gosh, just live his life while I stayed behind disappearing. But, I have reappeared. And I am lonely in this marriage, annoyed that there are shackles on my ankles and just feel suffocated. He isn't even trying to go to church hardly or just move on the calling that is on his life now. Doesn't make up for the years he was running all over town and out the country when he was pursuing ministry at all costs. Where is the balance? I just wish we could go our seperate ways.

I'm rambling. I know. Can I tell you that I am exhausted? I have managed to keep myself fit all these years, and I get more attention now than I did when I was single. Still, being the faithful wife, I do what-stay faithful. My desires quenched. My husband would rather go to work, come home, and get on the computer. In his world, he is mr. wonderful and why don't I just get that? He lives in a world where I am inferior to it...and now I am the selfish one for wanting to do anthing with my life beyond having kids and making him number one Urgh. 

Pray for me. I can't leave him because there is no biblical grounds for leaving someone on the account you don't like them anymore. He has put me in a brand new truck, our bills are paid, our kids are beautiful and so amazing and smart. I am unhappy and struggle to keep my mind focused these days. I really just want to do me now. But how can I, when I promised to be we? Please please pray for me.


----------



## whynotme

I hope you can keep your head up. I wish I had some sage advice on how to get through what you're going through, but I really don't. I just know it must be miserable and I can tell you are missing your old life and feel like it all got ruined by this guy you married.

Whatever you do I am sure you are doing the best you can, like we all do. I wish you peace in your life and eventual happiness, from somewhere in life. Good Luck


----------



## creativelyspkn

Your reply is appreciated. I actually felt embarrased and regretful after posting yesterday. But, thanks for your feedback. I am miserable though. Yeesh


----------



## koolasma

Whatever you do I am sure you are doing the best you can, like we all do. I wish you peace in your life and eventual happiness, from somewhere in life. Good Luck


----------



## LeslieH

try telling him how you feel


----------



## CLucas976

"I can't leave him because there is no biblical grounds for leaving someone on the account you don't like them anymore."

You're being emotionally neglected. marriage isn't about him keeping the bills payed and you in a new truck. He is supposed to care for you, and LOVE and cherish you, and you in return are supposed to care for him just as you stated you have. 

talk to him, get a reaction from him. He might not see that you're feeling so lonely, he very well could have thought you were satiated and satisfied all this time with things.

The reason I quoted that statement, is because it instantly struck me. 

this came to mind

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

I realize there is more to it, but as far as my understanding goes, Christ doesn't keep us all in nice cars, keep the bills paid and keep life stable, the love of Christ comes more from what is offered on a personal level. He is always with you, he is always with his church, and that is the aspect that seems to be missing from your marriage. Your husband might provide for you, but he is not really providing himself to you, which is what christ does, and in turn in my head, translates into how husband is supposed to love his wife.

get my drift? sometimes I fumble words.


----------



## Blank

Have FAITH - Everything is is fine and will be still better in coming days.

Have PATIENCE- As they say- if you want a baby, you have to wait for 9 months.

And mark these words- 5 years down the line- when you look back and think about this post-- you are going to laugh at yourself for being so silly, and making mountain of a mole hill.


----------



## Heheals

Hey there I'm glad to see that you desire to be faithful to the Lord and to your husband, and follow the will of the Lord. He will bless you for that.

Remember each situation that comes into our lives is shaping us and molding us for his kingdom. Keep trusting and praying to the Lord that he will reveal what he wants you to know and to help you grow as a believer. 

I would suggest praying for your husband, not so much for your needs or what you want, but what the Lord wants your husband to know. Maybe build a hedge of protection around your husband. Keep loving him as the Lord loves you in all our faults. Be humble, loving, merciful, forgiving, and take your battle to the Lord.

Remember our battle isn't against flesh and blood. It is the enemy that desires to see our marriages be destroyed and not the Lord because our marriages represent the relationship that Jesus has with the church. Pray that the Lord touches the heart of your husband and helps him to grow in the Lord.

Keep the faith, have patience, and trust in the Lord. You will draw closer to him in this if you trust and keep the faith Ask the Lord to help you love your husband as he loves you. God can use any situation to help make us into the women that he designed us to be.


----------

