# Hello, I'm new



## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Hello there.

So I just found this forum and figured I'd give it a shot.

Okay, so I'm 34, have been married for 16 yrs with a 12 & 14 yr old. My issue is that back in March during my yearly physical I finally got an answer to a problem I've had for nearly seven years.

When I was about 27 I noticed that my sex drive had dropped and as a result added to frustration with my husband.

It turns out my testosterone levels are low by about 12 - 15%. 

I'm hoping maybe someone here could either relate or help me figure out how to "Get my Groove Back" lol.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you doctor suggest any kind of hormone therapy. That usually goes a long way to get your groove back.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Did you doctor suggest any kind of hormone therapy. That usually goes a long way to get your groove back.




She suggest Bioten pellets, which she herself uses. But my husband's response to that was "oh you just need to exercise more"

He didn't seem the least bit interested in at least TRYING it once to see if it makes any difference. 

If I was working, I would just save the money, pay for it myself and do it anyway. But since I am a homemaker I can't make that kind of financial move without him knowing.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Are there testosterone therapies for women? If so, I'd suggest reading carefully on all the side effects / risks so that you can make an informed decision on whether it makes sense for you.

A lot of what we think of as our "personality" is driven by hormones so its not crazy to be treated when they are out of the normal range, but its worth careful study to be sure you understand it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

TChousewife said:


> Hello there.
> 
> So I just found this forum and figured I'd give it a shot.
> 
> ...


How did you find out your T was low? Was it a specific diagnosis by a doc? If so, he/she may be able to prescribe a T supplement. 

A combination of thyroid imbalance and perimenopause totally killed my wife's energy. She went through a few docs before one was able to help. (she had to ditch the MDs and find a DO). They tried a few combinations of hormones to try to bring her back into balance, focusing mostly on estrogen and progesterone. However, one of the mixes included a little testosterone. 

Result? My wife, who had always been on the low desire side sexually, became obsessed with sex and "got her groove on" all over me. I had always been very high desire and she said "Now I know what it feels like to be you!"

In the end, that wasn't the right mix for her overall condition, so the T stopped. But it might be right for you. Talk to your doc.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Are there testosterone therapies for women? If so, I'd suggest reading carefully on all the side effects / risks so that you can make an informed decision on whether it makes sense for you.
> 
> 
> 
> A lot of what we think of as our "personality" is driven by hormones so its not crazy to be treated when they are out of the normal range, but its worth careful study to be sure you understand it.




I looked into it and the risks/side effects are minimal.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> How did you find out your T was low? Was it a specific diagnosis by a doc? If so, he/she may be able to prescribe a T supplement.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




My dr did a full blood panel when I described what was going on. Since I noticed this problem I have seen 3 drs and she is the first to even LISTEN to me and to DO something about it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

TChousewife said:


> My dr did a full blood panel when I described what was going on. Since I noticed this problem I have seen 3 drs and she is the first to even LISTEN to me and to DO something about it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Sounds like you might have a good one. Now that you've got a diagnosis, it's time to start talking treatment with your doc. Hopefully she's well informed in this, or can refer you to someone who is. You need someone who understands your specific blood panel and is familiar with all potential courses of action along with their potential side effects. Fiddling around with hormones is a tricky business.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TChousewife said:


> She suggest Bioten pellets, which she herself uses. But my husband's response to that was "oh you just need to exercise more"
> 
> He didn't seem the least bit interested in at least TRYING it once to see if it makes any difference.
> 
> If I was working, I would just save the money, pay for it myself and do it anyway. But since I am a homemaker I can't make that kind of financial move without him knowing.




BioTE 
https://www.biotemedical.com/is-biote-right-for-you.html

Or Biotin which is B7


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Sounds like you might have a good one. Now that you've got a diagnosis, it's time to start talking treatment with your doc. Hopefully she's well informed in this, or can refer you to someone who is. You need someone who understands your specific blood panel and is familiar with all potential courses of action along with their potential side effects. Fiddling around with hormones is a tricky business.




My own dr uses the Bioten and says it works. She herself is in her late forties to early fifties and swear by it.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Yes bioTE! Dang auto correct! Lol! bioTE is what she suggested for me. I want to at least try it but hubby doesn't seem the least bit interested and it's frustrating knowing there's something out there that could HELP!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Physical health is important. 
Is this enough money to be a serious financial strain? (I have no idea what it costs, or what your income is like). Any chance of insurance covering it?

Do you think your husband is worried about the cost, or is he concerned about your health or the medical industry ripping you off?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TChousewife said:


> She suggest Bioten pellets, which she herself uses. But my husband's response to that was "oh you just need to exercise more"
> 
> He didn't seem the least bit interested in at least TRYING it once to see if it makes any difference.
> 
> If I was working, I would just save the money, pay for it myself and do it anyway. But since I am a homemaker I can't make that kind of financial move without him knowing.


So you have a very real medical problem and your husband is refusing to allow you to spend the money you need to take care of your medical issue? That's withhold medical care. It's a form of domestic abuse.

I found a site that says it costs $88-$116 monthly. Do you have health insurance? Would it cover the cost?

https://www.womenswellnessinstitute.com/biote-faqs/

Do you know anything about your finances? Is there money in the budget to cover this? Your assessment, not his? What can be cut back to cover it?

What sort of access do you have to money? Does he control every penny?


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Physical health is important.
> 
> Is this enough money to be a serious financial strain? (I have no idea what it costs, or what your income is like). Any chance of insurance covering it?
> 
> ...




It's about $325 every three or four months. Insurance more than likely won't cover it because it's considered "an extra" according to my dr who has the same insurance company I do. 

My husband's answer to a lot of things are oh you just need to exercise more.  sorry honey but exercise doesn't cure everything and he's no doogy houser.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TChousewife said:


> She suggest Bioten pellets, which she herself uses. But my husband's response to that was "oh you just need to exercise more"
> 
> He didn't seem the least bit interested in at least TRYING it once to see if it makes any difference.
> 
> ...


Has this been an ongoing problem in your marriage? Do you think your husband holds some resentment because of it? Maybe he things this is not worth getting his hope up for.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Are there any dietary changes you can make that would at least start helping?

It sounds to me like your main problem isn't the low T, but an uncooperative husband. Do you feel like you need to convince him to spend the money, or will you need to redirect some funds from somewhere and do it behind his back?

Is this the only issue he's not supportive about? Or is this a general theme with him?

If it's, say, $100 a month could you maybe do some babysitting to get the money for it?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

TChousewife said:


> She suggest Bioten pellets, which she herself uses. But my husband's response to that was "oh you just need to exercise more"
> 
> He didn't seem the least bit interested in at least TRYING it once to see if it makes any difference.
> 
> ...


How about a compromise of sorts?
You agree to follow an exercise regime if he funds the tablets, which you can take simultaneously.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Does your husband think you're overweight? Are you? Do you exercise?


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Has this been an ongoing problem in your marriage? Do you think your husband holds some resentment because of it? Maybe he things this is not worth getting his hope up for.




A part of me wonders that too. 


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Satya said:


> How about a compromise of sorts?
> 
> You agree to follow an exercise regime if he funds the tablets, which you can take simultaneously.




That may work


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Hope1964 said:


> Are there any dietary changes you can make that would at least start helping?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




We are going on vacation soon and once we get back I plan on rejoins the work force. At least part time.

As for support... back in October I self published my first novel. An erotic romance suspense under the pen name Michelle Kee. He didn't seem the least bit interested or supportive about it.

Yet for the last four years or so he's started running marathons and half marathons and I have been fully supportive of him on that.




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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

TChousewife said:


> It's about $325 every three or four months. Insurance more than likely won't cover it because it's considered "an extra" according to my dr who has the same insurance company I do.
> 
> My husband's answer to a lot of things are oh you just need to exercise more.  sorry honey but exercise doesn't cure everything and he's no doogy houser.
> 
> ...


I would pay twice that sum in a heartbeat to crank up my wife's desire level! Geez...we have a solution and he's not doing cartwheels? Hard to imagine. 

As previously noted, he may be beaten down by previous years of inactivity and have given up. But still.... 

As for cost, even if insurance doesn't cover it, unless you're already living like paupers, it'd be hard not to find that kind of coin somewhere in the budget. How often does he pick up a six pack of beer? Does he have any expensive hobbies? (most men do, guns, bikes, stereos, electronics, fishing, golf and on and on). I'd gladly curtail one of my other extracurricular activities to cover something like this. 

Time for a talk:
"Look, honey, I've done all the research, spend all the time and energy with multiple docs, poured a big chunk of myself into trying to improve this, and my hard work has yielded what looks like a workable, reasonably economic solution. The least you can do is show a little enthusiasm and appreciation!"


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I would pay twice that sum in a heartbeat to crank up my wife's desire level! Geez...we have a solution and he's not doing cartwheels? Hard to imagine.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Money isn't so much an issue but more he's stubborn. I looked on their website about the pellets and told him. 

Neither of us are heavy drinkers. I buy wine and the bottle sits in the fridge a while. Lol. Yes he shoots but doesn't buy a new gun or such without us BOTH discussing it.

I don't know if he's just unwilling to think this will work or what. But after vacation I am going to find a part time job and will be saving a bit here and there and may do this anyway.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He runs marathons, how much does he spend on this.

He shoots? How often does he do this. While he might not buy a new weapon often, what does he spend on ammunition and range fees? I know that when I shoot it's not cheap at all. 

How much did you spend to self publish the book?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He might be frustrated about you having a low sex drive for a while. If your T levels are low, this certainly is not your fault. If this is the issue, he needs to get a grip and drop the attitude.

Low T is a health issue. I effects more than your sex drive, a lot more. You need to take care of it.

He's basically withhold medical care from you. Yea it's over the counter, but it is still important for your health.

Since you are going back to work, pay for it yourself.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

It sounds expensive. Do they have generic stuff.

I fine it ironic that you write erotica but don't have much of a sex drive.could they be linked somehow?

Did you book make any money?


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> He runs marathons, how much does he spend on this.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I spent maybe a total of $250 on my book and that was for the cover and design plus ordering a few copies to sell. But I was working and saved the money over almost a years time.

He doesn't spend much on ammo since he has the equipment to reload his own 


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

TChousewife said:


> Money isn't so much an issue but more he's stubborn. I looked on their website about the pellets and told him.
> 
> Neither of us are heavy drinkers. I buy wine and the bottle sits in the fridge a while. Lol. Yes he shoots but doesn't buy a new gun or such without us BOTH discussing it.
> 
> ...


This is interesting. I'm assuming that your extended period of low desire was accompanied by relatively low sexual activity (if that assumption is in error, nevermind). During this period, your husband channeled his energy elsewhere; running marathons is no small commitment! He's become used to a life with little sex and me may see his sex life as a failure. Meanwhile, completing 13.1 and 26.2 is a huge accomplishment for any human being. He feels successful in the areas where he is channeling his energy. 

It's quite possible he's simply comfortable with his life and is, at least subconsciously if not consciously, afraid to have to "man up" again. It's tough to reenter an area where you've had limited success in the past. Could be a sort of performance anxiety, especially if he's become distant from you and lost the spark. Meanwhile, his Nikes and the pavement are always there where he knows he can get sure positive results. 

It's very easy to complain when you're not getting any, and to use that as an excuse to check out. It's much harder to step back up to the plate, especially if you remember striking out in the past (due to your lack of desire), or are worried about striking out in the future (due to his having lost some spark, having aged a bit since then, or maybe even his T levels have dropped).


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> This is interesting. I'm assuming that your extended period of low desire was accompanied by relatively low sexual activity (if that assumption is in error, nevermind). During this period, your husband channeled his energy elsewhere; running marathons is no small commitment! He's become used to a life with little sex and me may see his sex life as a failure. Meanwhile, completing 13.1 and 26.2 is a huge accomplishment for any human being. He feels successful in the areas where he is channeling his energy.
> 
> It's quite possible he's simply comfortable with his life and is, at least subconsciously if not consciously, afraid to have to "man up" again. It's tough to reenter an area where you've had limited success in the past. Could be a sort of performance anxiety, especially if he's become distant from you and lost the spark. Meanwhile, his Nikes and the pavement are always there where he knows he can get sure positive results.
> 
> It's very easy to complain when you're not getting any, and to use that as an excuse to check out. It's much harder to step back up to the plate, especially if you remember striking out in the past (due to your lack of desire), or are worried about striking out in the future (due to his having lost some spark, having aged a bit since then, or maybe even his T levels have dropped).


Do you realize that T levels affect more than sex drive? Even if they never have sex again, she should take care of a low T issue. It's profoundly wrong to prevent anyone from doing what they need to do to be healthy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@TChousewife

Are your a vegetarian?

Do you drink soy milk or eat a lot of soy? 

Are you on birth control pills?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Exercise, specifically weight training, is also reported to raise T levels in women and men. The results seem to be transient in that it only lasts a few hours.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Do you realize that T levels affect more than sex drive? Even if they never have sex again, she should take care of a low T issue. It's profoundly wrong to prevent anyone from doing what they need to do to be healthy.


You're absolutely right. Thanks for looking at the bigger picture. I really don't know what part T levels play in a woman's overall health.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> You're absolutely right. Thanks for looking at the bigger picture. I really don't know what part T levels play in a woman's overall health.


7 Symptoms of Low Testosterone in Women

People think of women having only estrogen. But the testosterone level of a health woman is still 10 time higher than her estrogen levels.

1. Fatigue and Exhaustion
2. Weight Gain & Difficulty Losing Weight
3. Decreased Interest in Sex
4. Mood Swings, Depression and Low Mood
5. Anxiety
6. Difficulty Concentrating
7. Hair Loss

https://tctmed.com/7-symptoms-of-low-testosterone-in-women/

here are some more that I found

•	Difficulty sleeping (frequent waking, sleep apnea, insomnia
•	Vaginal dryness coupled with pain during sexual intercourse


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Hope1964 said:


> Does your husband think you're overweight? Are you? Do you exercise?




He has said that I'm slightly overweight for my body dram. I am 5'4 and am currently at 131.4 lbs. course I have dropped almost 10 lbs since my physical in March.

I'm trying to set a routine for bike riding, but we live in the desert of west Tx and lately it's been pretty hot and haven't gotten to. But I will still try.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> It sounds expensive. Do they have generic stuff.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




A lot of people think just because of what I write and like to read I have sex on the brain. Not true in my case.

As for money, I make about $3 per ebook sold and about 5 for every print book. Since October I've sold maybe 75 books and that's stretched out over the last seven months.

Haven't made anything that would be show worthy. But I didn't do it for the money. It takes time and I know it.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

TChousewife said:


> It's about $325 every three or four months. Insurance more than likely won't cover it because it's considered "an extra" according to my dr who has the same insurance company I do.


More likely it's not covered because it is not FDA approved. BioTE medical is a compounding pharmacy type business that has been issued FDA warning letters as recently as 05/22/2017.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TChousewife said:


> He has said that I'm slightly overweight for my body dram. I am 5'4 and am currently at 131.4 lbs. course I have dropped almost 10 lbs since my physical in March.
> 
> I'm trying to set a routine for bike riding, but we live in the desert of west Tx and lately it's been pretty hot and haven't gotten to. But I will still try.
> 
> ...


That's 9 stones in Imperial weight.

That's not really that much.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TChousewife said:


> A lot of people think just because of what I write and like to read I have sex on the brain. Not true in my case.
> 
> As for money, I make about $3 per ebook sold and about 5 for every print book. Since October I've sold maybe 75 books and that's stretched out over the last seven months.
> 
> ...


75 books sold? Good job! Well done! :smthumbup:

Wish I'd sold 75 books!


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> 75 books sold? Good job! Well done! :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> Wish I'd sold 75 books!




 thanks. I'm trying to promote them via social media but it's hard when I'm not sure what I'm doing there. 

It's also hard when some author I had never heard of accused me of plagiarism last November all because her hero and mine had the same first and last name.

Sorry, can't copyright a fictional character. When I found out and told hubby he just seemed to be exasperated and blew it off not seeing how hurt I was about it.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> That's 9 stones in Imperial weight.
> 
> 
> 
> That's not really that much.




Lol. I'm hoping to get down to about 120 - 125


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

TChousewife, I know you've already received suggestions on how to boost your T naturally, but I also wanted to add that since you said that money is not that big of an issue, but your husband's lack of support is what is holding you back, why not go ahead and get started on what your Dr recommended anyway? I know it may be discouraging that he's not interested in your novel and health info, but your self-care is important, and something you can do for yourself regardless of his enthusiasm.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> This is interesting. I'm assuming that your extended period of low desire was accompanied by relatively low sexual activity (if that assumption is in error, nevermind). During this period, your husband channeled his energy elsewhere; running marathons is no small commitment! He's become used to a life with little sex and me may see his sex life as a failure. Meanwhile, completing 13.1 and 26.2 is a huge accomplishment for any human being. He feels successful in the areas where he is channeling his energy.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




The issue with my sex drive began about 7 years ago. When I brought up with my then dr during my annual physical the OB/GYN that handles those physical lbs for women simple said that because my kids were young (6 1/2 & 4 1/2) it was quite common. 

That's what I chalked up as. When they started getting older and my problem persisted I brought it up my regular dr and he said the same. 

We switched clinics about three yrs ago and I again brought it up. The new dr didn't really say much.

When we switched yet again, due to previous dr office no longer accepting our insurance I almost didn't say anything. I'm glad I did cause at least now I know it's not just me.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> @TChousewife
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I am not a vegetarian but I do eat plenty of veggies. We always try to have at least one veggie side dish.

I don't drink soy milk and not sure what my soy intake is. Lol hard to tell what foods are made with soy anymore it seems.

Yes I am on BC and have been on this same pill since about 06 or 07, I have been on BC pills since a month before I turned 18. It helped regulate my irregular period.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> 7 Symptoms of Low Testosterone in Women
> 
> 
> 
> ...




These are the same symptoms my new Dr brought up. I answered yes to enough that she did the blood panel.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

The pill is noted as a libdo killer.
And for messing up your hormones. 

I personaly think the pill is bad news.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> The pill is noted as a libdo killer.
> 
> And for messing up your hormones.
> 
> ...




I may look into that. However I've been on the pill for nearly eighteen years and I'm not sure I could get use to another method.

I have not had issues with my pill and as I stated I've been on this same brand of pill since 06/07. That was before my sex drive issues started.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TChousewife said:


> The issue with my sex drive began about 7 years ago. When I brought up with my then dr during my annual physical the OB/GYN that handles those physical lbs for women simple said that because my kids were young (6 1/2 & 4 1/2) it was quite common.
> 
> That's what I chalked up as. When they started getting older and my problem persisted I brought it up my regular dr and he said the same.
> 
> ...


Your experience of having doctor after doctor basically blow off your problem is not usual at all.

Years ago (1984) I went from doc to doc with no luck. One doc even told me that the only type of illness I could gave was so bad that I did not want to have it... so he told me to just go home. How does a doctor tell someone who is running a 104 fever for weeks that they just need to go home and not worry about it? It was about the 12 doctor who finally caught the problem... I had TB. 

In another case, a good friend of mine had been going doctor to doctor for about 5 years with some issue. The docs told her that she had fibro myalgia and just kept giving all kinds of drugs. Then in about mid 2015 she tried yet another doctor... turns out that she had a watermelon sized tumor growing off one of her ovaries. It was so large that it was attaching to all of her organs and causing her all kinds of problems. And again, how does doctor after doctor not even check out her body to find out what might be causing the problem?

In your case, about 50% of women have low T due to things like eating soy which interferes with T production; and taking birth control pills which also interfere with it. But the docs don't even check to see if low T is the issue. They just assume that women have low drive.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TChousewife said:


> I may look into that. However I've been on the pill for nearly eighteen years and I'm not sure I could get use to another method.
> 
> I have not had issues with my pill and as I stated I've been on this same brand of pill since 06/07. That was before my sex drive issues started.


If the pill is the basis of your low drive (and low T) it could have developed slowly over time.

BC pills are known to serious lower a woman's libido.

Plus, pregnancy can change a woman's physiology to the point that something that did not cause the woman issues before the pregnancy will cause issues after a pregnancy

Can you use the IUD? If so, you might want to give that a try.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> If the pill is the basis of your low drive (and low T) it could have developed slowly over time.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




The IUD would probably be ineffective for me. After kid two the dr I was seeing NC where hubby was stationed discussed other BC options and he agreed that the pill was my best bet. 

Even my current dr said the same after I got the panel back. 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TChousewife said:


> The IUD would probably be ineffective for me. After kid two the dr I was seeing NC where hubby was stationed discussed other BC options and he agreed that the pill was my best bet.
> 
> Even my current dr said the same after I got the panel back.


Why wouldn't the IUD work for you? Just curious since I've never heard of it not working for someone.


Have you considered having your tubes tied?


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Why wouldn't the IUD work for you? Just curious since I've never heard of it not working for someone.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




The dr didn't say and I didn't ask. I guess maybe because my body was so used to the pill at the time. 

Plus I'm leary of those things. 

I plan on talking to my dr about my tubes. My only concern is since I'm not quite 35 that the dr won't do it yet or that insurance won't cover. That procedure costs money


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TChousewife said:


> The dr didn't say and I didn't ask. I guess maybe because my body was so used to the pill at the time.
> 
> Plus I'm leary of those things.
> 
> I plan on talking to my dr about my tubes. My only concern is since I'm not quite 35 that the dr won't do it yet or that insurance won't cover. That procedure costs money


I looked up counter indications to using an IUD.. you probably should look it up and talk to your doc. It will give you questions to ask your doc. From what I read, it of concern.

When I was in my 20's I tried the pill... did horrible things to me. For me it was like having PMS all the time. I tried and IUD.. it lead to an infection and I had to have it removed. My understanding is that the IUD used today is much different from the on used in 1973 (I'm a bit older than you  )

Usually women tubal ligation done right after pregnancy, which reduces the cost.

I'm not sure why you think a doctor would not do a tubal ligation because you are 35. It does no good for older women to have one. They are done on women while they are still young enough to have children.

One of my sisters had it done when she was in her 20's, after she had her son.

I found a few sources that say it runs from $1,500 to $7,000 depending on the provider you chose. They also say that health insurance usually covers part or all of it. You might want to check with your insurance provider just to find out what they would cover.

Cost of a Tubal Ligation - Consumer Information


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I looked up counter indications to using an IUD.. you probably should look it up and talk to your doc. It will give you questions to ask your doc. From what I read, it of concern.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I wanted my tubes done after my second kid. Unfortunately  I had doctors who didn't do that to women under a certain age. One for religious reasons (pfffft) and the other because, "oh you could change your mind later"




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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TChousewife said:


> I wanted my tubes done after my second kid. Unfortunately  I had doctors who didn't do that to women under a certain age. One for religious reasons (pfffft) and the other because, "oh you could change your mind later"


Well, I guess you would need to find different doctors.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Well, I guess you would need to find different doctors.




Not sure what my current dr's stance is so I may bring it up with her and see what she says.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

How about he gets a vasectomy?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TChousewife said:


> As for support... back in October I self published my first novel. An erotic romance suspense under the pen name Michelle Kee. He didn't seem the least bit interested or supportive about it.


With all do respect I think it would be very painful if my wife were to not want to have sex with me but wrote an erotic novel. First I would wonder if she was writing all her fantasies down on paper instead of sharing them with me her husband. that would really make it hard for me to be supportive of that. Seems like kind of a rub in the face. 

It is often dismissed but men really do experience love and bonding through sex, I suspect this is similar to how women experience love and bonding through intimate conversation and romance (or that thing that lets you know that he gets it). This is just how most of us are wired. I get that that my be foreign to you, but that doesn't make it less true. I suspect you will get lots more posts from men saying the same thing, so dismiss it at your own risk. My wife wanting to have passionate sex with me makes me feel, to say it in a way that might help you understand beautiful. Yes exactly how you feel when your husband complements or looks at you and you feel beautiful. That is the feeling for us men. 

I think you need to understand that there is probably some real hurt at the rejection there. He is also probably not very confident that things will stay this way even if it is your intention to change. He may have decided long ago to just give up on that side of your marriage, the way a wife may give up intimately talking to her husband about her day when he ignores her or tell her to get over it. When she stops expressing some sort of emotion to him because he was dismissive one to many times, because truthfully he never learned how to talk about emotions. The idea of opening himself up for rejection may be very hard for him and in his mind may not even be worth it, as he has learned to live without it. He probably doesn't want to have to do that again. 

I am not so sure you are going to be able to turn this back on and just expect him to be enthusiastic. His thinking may be, well now you want to so I have to just jump but all those other times when I wanted to you didn't really care, you didn't jump. And to be frank I always find this to be kind of true. It's hard to see one spouse who has for years been rejecting the other all of the sudden upset when that same spouse now returns the favor. All that said he should still help you with the T because it's more then just sex, but the sex thing may actually be something he really no longer cares about. 

Now I don't know your relationship but form the little you posted on here, I know how I would feel. Writing an erotic novel while telling me either verbally or with physical cues that you were not interested in me sexually would feel very painful. Kind of like him bringing flows to his secretary but not to you. I also understand that this was not an intentional thing but a physical one and beyond you control, but that doesn't make his hurt any less real. 

I also could be completely wrong, but something that may explain his response.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

sokillme said:


> With all do respect I think it would be very painful if my wife were to not want to have sex with me but wrote an erotic novel. First I would wonder if she was writing all her fantasies down on paper instead of sharing them with me her husband. that would really make it hard for me to be supportive of that. Seems like kind of a rub in the face.
> 
> It is often dismissed but men really do experience love and bonding through sex, I suspect this is similar to how women experience love and bonding through intimate conversation and romance (or that thing that lets you know that he gets it). This is just how most of us are wired. I get that that my be foreign to you, but that doesn't make it less true. I suspect you will get lots more posts from men saying the same thing, so dismiss it at your own risk. My wife wanting to have passionate sex with me makes me feel, to say it in a way that might help you understand beautiful. Yes exactly how you feel when your husband complements or looks at you and you feel beautiful. That is the feeling for us men.
> 
> ...




Me writing this novel was not something I just sprung on him. He knew I was writing it I even did my best to include him in the process by running ideas by him. He showed no interest in it at all.

As for the content of the book it's not just the sex which is where people often get it wrong just because of the term "erotic romance" all that means is explicit content.

Now, about my sex drive, oh he knew I was having issues and I even told him I wanted to have the dr check and he blew me off again saying "oh just exercise more"

He is confident in sex and when we do have sex it is very very nice. I don't withhold sex from him to be cruel or as a punishment. I literally have no want for it. 

This does and did effect my writing and I voiced those frustrations to him. I have even asked him if he wanted to read the finished novel and he turned it down.

There are issues regarding our love life that I have brought up with him multiple times and he either refuses to take me seriously or he just doesn't seem to care. Still haven't decided which I think is his choice there.

I should also point out that once I found out about my low-T levels he responded by saying exercise and seemed to blow off my dr's suggestions to help improve that problem. 

So here I am left feeling like a horrible wife because I don't have sex with him as much as he would like and guilty when I tell him I'm not feeling in the mood when he says "wanna do it?" (While wiggling his crotch at me I should point out) or "I could really use a bj"

I feel enough guilt over this and am looking into ways to rectify it. Hence why I am here hoping for advice, suggestions and what not.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> How about he gets a vasectomy?




Brought it up once. Um yeah, not a fun convo and it got tossed back that I should get fixed.  like it's any easier for a woman.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TChousewife said:


> Me writing this novel was not something I just sprung on him. He knew I was writing it I even did my best to include him in the process by running ideas by him. He showed no interest in it at all.
> 
> As for the content of the book it's not just the sex which is where people often get it wrong just because of the term "erotic romance" all that means is explicit content.
> 
> ...


Look I am not saying this stuff to make you feel guilty. It was a medical condition so you have nothing to feel guilty about. I am trying to help you like you are asking for. I am trying to present the possibility that some of his responses may be out of hurt, and the feeling of being rejected (do to no fault of your own). If you understand maybe if you get your T levels right you can fix it. 

Look lets say he was clinically depressed and when you wanted to have intimate conversation with him all he wanted to do was go in his room every night, you may understand that he has a medical condition that makes him not want to talk, but you may still fell rejected and hurt right? Would it be wrong for you to feel that way? In the same way I don't think it makes him wrong if he is hurt a well. 

Again I am not saying you are a bad wife, look you tried to fix it that is more then 99% of the spouses of people who post on here. What I am saying is his dismissal of this may be more then just he just doesn't give a damn about you. It may be out of a genuine fear or being rejected again or even anger out of being rejected before. He may feel unattractive and unlovable, though we are hard pressed to admit it us guys feel that way too.

I get the novel was just writing to you but I am sorry that would be painful. My mind would be going, how can you think of these things but have no desire to do them with me (remember at the time there was no diagnoses of low T, there was just the situation. Plenty of wives just don't have an interest or don't feel it's an important part of the marriage. Maybe it was not a stretch for him to think you felt the same way) Again not saying you are a bad wife just saying these situations may have done damage to him emotionally. 

Or I could be wrong and he may be a self-centered jerk. I guess a good question would be was he always like this? 

Why don't you ask him if he is hurt, if he felt rejected? Ask him if he want's to start having sex more. See what he says. If he say no ask him why not. Again for a good part of your marriage he was the one asking. Now it's your turn.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Or I could be wrong and he may be a self-centered jerk. I guess a good question would be was he always like this?
> 
> Why don't you ask him if he is hurt, if he felt rejected? Ask him if he want's to start having sex more. See what he says. If he say no ask him why not. Again for a good part of your marriage he was the one asking. Now it's your turn.




Yes he has been like this. 

I didn't mean to sound *****y. My husband can be a jerk at times and has a habit of thinking he's right just because he read something or whatever. 

It's annoying and makes me feel stupid when I try to speak my mind. As for the content of my novel these are things that I have brought up with him that I'm interested in trying with him and yet I get nothing. 

While I might write down thoughts or fantasies on paper, they are also things I have shared with him previously and voiced wanting to try.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I'm shocked at some of the comments here suggesting you save up in secret, or work specifically to pay for your medication. Um, no. You get that damn bank access card and go and get the script for the medication you need!! The money that comes into your household is family money, not only your husbands money. He has no damn right to withhold money from you for any reason.

Holy cow!


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I think you don't desire your husband because of multiple factors.

1) your on the pill for a long time and its noted for this 
2)your husband sounds like a jerk and is not supporting you in your writings or anything else .
3) you resent him and his crappy attitude dimissing you with just exercise more.
4)you don't feel emotionally connected to him.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TChousewife said:


> Yes he has been like this.
> 
> I didn't mean to sound *****y. My husband can be a jerk at times and has a habit of thinking he's right just because he read something or whatever.
> 
> ...


Well sex or no sex this communication thing is not good for your marriage. His dismissiveness is not good for your marriage. Have actually told him that he makes you feel stupid? Maybe you should try to work with him on this too. Dismissiveness kills marriages. You still shouldn't discount my advice about him being hurt about the lack of sex. Just don't expect him to change overnight. It's also hard for one partner when the other partner is changing and the dynamic is shifting. It usually takes time. Have you guys ever had any marriage counseling?


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Well sex or no sex this communication thing is not good for your marriage. His dismissiveness is not good for your marriage. Have actually told him that he makes you feel stupid? Maybe you should try to work with him on this too. Dismissiveness kills marriages. You still shouldn't discount my advice about him being hurt about the lack of sex. Just don't expect him to change overnight. It's also hard for one partner when the other partner is changing and the dynamic is shifting. It usually takes time. Have you guys ever had any marriage counseling?




I have done the therapy/counseling route twice. I won't bring it up with him for one reason. 

Hubby was a combat Marine for eight years, served two back-to-back tours in Iraq. I know he had his share of shrinks after returning stateside and I don't want to put him through that.

Yes I have talked to him about how I feel and what I want for us together. 


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

chillymorn69 said:


> I think you don't desire your husband because of multiple factors.
> 
> 1) your on the pill for a long time and its noted for this
> 2)your husband sounds like a jerk and is not supporting you in your writings or anything else .
> ...


It's probably a perfect storm. I am in no way trying to overlook his dismissive attitude, but I bet he also feels 3 (except it's for her not wanting to have sex with him) and 4 after being rejected sexually over a long period of time. 

OP I think all of this is fixable though. It starts with some long talks about everything. Please entreat him? Don't say "You are this way" or even "You do this to me" say, "When you do this it makes me feel this way". Don't say "You better stop or else" say "Can you please try to change because you are hurting me." See what happens. Also depending on your money situation you might want to get some counseling.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

sokillme said:


> It's probably a perfect storm. I am in no way trying to overlook his dismissive attitude, but I bet he also feels 3 (except it's for her not wanting to have sex with him) and 4 after being rejected sexually over a long period of time.
> 
> 
> 
> OP I think all of this is fixable though. It starts with some long talks about everything. Please entreat him? Don't say "You are this way" or even "You do this to me" say, "When you do this it makes me feel this way". Don't say "You better stop or else" say "Can you please try to change because you are hurting me." See what happens. Also depending on your money situation you might want to get some counseling.




I will do the talking bit but I refuse to do the therapy/counseling route a third time. I've been there, done that and while it helped at first, it didn't help in the long run. Yes I know it takes time and I did put in the time. 

But talking to someone who isn't in my shoes nor ever have been doesn't work.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

TChousewife said:


> I will do the talking bit but I refuse to do the therapy/counseling route a third time. I've been there, done that and while it helped at first, it didn't help in the long run. Yes I know it takes time and I did put in the time.
> 
> But talking to someone who isn't in my shoes nor ever have been doesn't work.
> 
> ...


So three times and no change did you change? Or did you both slip back to status quo.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

frusdil said:


> I'm shocked at some of the comments here suggesting you save up in secret, or work specifically to pay for your medication. Um, no. You get that damn bank access card and go and get the script for the medication you need!! The money that comes into your household is family money, not only your husbands money. He has no damn right to withhold money from you for any reason.
> 
> Holy cow!


I agree that it's nonsense that she should have to sneak around, or get a job, to pay for her medical expenses. 

But I think that the only reason it's being suggested is that people do not know her financial situation. Like is there really not $100 in the bank for her to use. Or does he completely control access to money. 

But now after the OP has told us more, it sounds like she has access to money. I agree with you, she needs to just do it. If he argues about it, she can just tell him that it's her health and she has the right to take care of her health.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chillymorn69 said:


> I think you don't desire your husband because of multiple factors.
> 
> 1) your on the pill for a long time and its noted for this
> 2)your husband sounds like a jerk and is not supporting you in your writings or anything else .
> ...


You seem to have left off a very real issue here. She has low T. Low T in a woman leads to low, or no, sex drive. That's a rather important point to ignore.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> So three times and no change did you change? Or did you both slip back to status quo.




I have changed and I was the only one who did the therapy. 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@TChousewife

I experienced some of this from the opposite point of view. My husband lost interest in sex and I think it was because his T levels plummeted.

I asked him to go get a check up to see if that was it and if there was anything that could be done about it. He would not go. He seems to have an aversion to doctors. But basically he refused to do anything to fix it. That's what hurt the most, that he would not even consider getting help to bring sex back into our marriage.

You have been asking doctors for help for a long time and sadly had some doctors who just bushed our concerns off.

Apparently your husband does not understand what low T levels do to a person's sex drive. That's his problem. And I don't think you can convince him either since he seems a more than a bit hard headed.

My suggestion is that you do not try to convince him of anything via words. Instead just do what you need to do. Start taking better care of yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get your T levels up. This is not just about sex drive. It's also about your entire mental and physical well being. So work on your own health. 

He will see the changes. Then it will be his choice of how he responds to the positive changes in you. It is true that when one spouse changes, it often causes discomfort in the other spouse. So give him time.

I get that you don't want to try counseling. It often does not work. Instead I going to suggest a book that I think will really help you. I like self help books. Unlike counseling, they cut to the chase and teach you things that can help you. Pay special attention to the chapter about introducing change into your marriage. 

*Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again* by Michele Weiner-Davis


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TChousewife said:


> Hello there.
> 
> So I just found this forum and figured I'd give it a shot.
> 
> ...


*You're definitely not the first person I've heard say this!

Talk with your MD and if it will work for you and is affordable or covered by insurance, then I'd say "Go for it!"*


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> You seem to have left off a very real issue here. She has low T. Low T in a woman leads to low, or no, sex drive. That's a rather important point to ignore.


Definatly didn't mean to leave that out. Maybe she could exercise more.>

The low t could be the result of bc pill.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

I added a bunch of information on my post "Feeling Better" about an issue that popped up and is bothering me and leaving me completely confused on how to handle it.


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