# Im going crazy



## rincha (Nov 26, 2010)

Hi,

I hope someone can give me some advice as im totally lost and feeling numb at the moment.

Im 28 and have been married for almost two years now. The marriage has always consisted of non-stop arguments and heart ace. Basically i have 95% decided i want a divorce because we act like we hate each other and shes totally obessesed and completly controlled by her 3 elders sisters and mother. 

My parents have always known about our issues and have always hated my wife regardless just because the way she is. 

Well in the last week, me and the wife have had serious discussions about divorce where basically i have told her i think we should divorce. She started crying and saying she loves me and cant live without me blah blah blah.

She insisted that we should try a 1 week separation and see how it goes, i reluctantly agreed thinking theres no harm in doing so.

So she packed all her things and went to her mums this week.

Since then i called my parents and tyold them what we are doing, but they are insisting i divorce her like NOW. They are insisting/forcing me to call her ghome and start divorce talks/processdings.

I explained to my folks that i just want to try this 1 week thing and maybe, just maybe give her a second chance. But they are saying NO NO NO, divorece her, DIVORCE HER. 

They are now sayingt hat if i do not start divoring her this week, they will do it for me and if i still do not agree, they want all their money back which they put towards our house. Its a large sum of money which i cant pay back, well not for a long time. they are saying dirvorce her or pay our money back within 14 days.

Im 95% divorce, and 5% saing the marriage but all this stress is making me ill. i feel dizzy at times and done know what to do.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

You're 28, so I think you can let go of the parents now. So should she. Prior to marriage, one portion of the rules of engagement between my wife and I was that neither of us would use our family to air out problems about the other. You married her. Your parents didn't and they have no say so. Tell them that if they want to ruin you, they can go to court, but I seriously doubt the money will be looked at as anything other than a gift. Did you sign a contract?

Before the seperation ends, tell your wife that this is an iron clad condition to staying married. For at least a year, she cannot talk about her relationship with her sisters or family. Go to MC and get regular professional help. Breaking this rule takes her straight to divorce without passing Go.

I'm sorry, but as long as both of you are married to your families instead of to each other, then you are really going to struggle.

Point is, you fell in love with her. I doubt your parents went on dates with you. The rest of the journey is also something you should take alone until you can learn to ask for help in a constructive manner. Of course, another one of our rules was that we would have no children until we passed our five year anniversary.

And the most important part is to agree never to threaten divorce unless you are ready to sign the papers. Tied to this is an agreement that when arguing, any negative comment must pass through a filter. The filter is threefold: Does it address a real and serious issue? Will it help her and I to improve this relationship? Am I saying it in a way that avoids a personal attack (talk about how it makes you feel, not 'you always did...").


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

Halien said:


> as long as both of you are married to your families instead of to each other, then you are really going to struggle.


+1

If you must talk about your bad marriage to someone, find a guy bud and talk to him about it. One that's not a mutual friend of hers - maybe even a married one that could give decent advice. NEVER NEVER use your family as the sounding board. Mothers will take their son's side every time; alot of them barely need an excuse not to like the woman that took their sone from them. My marriage has sucked for 3 years, but my parents have no idea. They think we're happy and if/when I sign divorce papers, that'll be the first they hear about it. I don't want family drama during the holidays, and there's nothing good that can come from it.

Your parents can't "force" you to do anything. If you're trying to look like less of a bad guy and have the cop out that your parents are to blame for your divorce, then you need to grow up. You're 28 and a man. Stand up to your parents and defend your wife/marriage. The wedding ceremony usually says _"Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder"_. Remind your parents that the marriage is between you and your wife. You love them, but butt out.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

My MC story is in my profile. This might be salvageable, but the parent issues is weird. Its not their decision to make. I would talk to them about that and tell them that forcing your hand isn't appropriate.


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