# Horrible images



## sbm1977 (May 29, 2012)

Does anyone have any tips on how to stop the mental imagery from looping?


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

i struggled with it for more than a year. you might wanna try imagining your spouse to be a gargantuan ugly gorilla getting it on with the OM/OW. And for about an year later i fantasized about beating the s*it out of my fWW , wouldn't recommend this though. 

Standard advice : replace them by happy thoughts-> yeah right someone just boned my W and I'll just sit here thinking about what santa's gonna bring me next christmas

you need to just ride it out in my opinion, time heals and makes you forget .....eventually


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Any kids in the relationship? She has been cheating for an year or more. And the lies. 

Let her show the commitment to the marriage and R first.


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## sbm1977 (May 29, 2012)

Yeah 2.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I tried various things like the OM having a big ugly nasty wart on his penis, my wife messing herself, etc. None of it worked for me though I did literally found myself laughing and I mean I had some serious belly laughs which I did not have for a long time. I am only about 6 months out and I still get the images and everytime I have sex with the wife and I mean everytime the images are there. I have just learned to live with it. It seriously bothered me at the beginning of R and in the very beginning I would just lose it during sex. I was such a freaken wussy. All I know is that he did not give her anything more then I have to offer and in fact I can offer a hell of lot more then he ever did or could.

At some point I will share with my wife that the one permanant gift she gave me is the fact that when I have sex with her I can only think of the OM f7ucking her and I only do it to get off, because in reality at this stage that is the truth. I have sex quite a bit now when I am home and if she knew my thoughts she would not be very happy with it, because I really do not think of the the two of us havig sex and that is the legacy that she brought into this marriage.

I know this did not answer your question but various techiques are available but for me time took away the obsession about what she did with the OM and I can live with that. I think in time it will go away.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Remember, the other guy is a clown, so picture him in a big rainbow suit, oversized clown shoes, face painted, fuzzy wig and red nose jumping and dancing around honking a bicycle horn.

That image substituted into my memory quite well for a long time, still works even.

Clown porn serves a purpose after all!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I tried not to think about that. I knew they almost certainly had sex, but I somehow managed to ignore that and repress any images of them doing it. (I really do not know how, nor am I certain it was healthy, but that's what I did.)


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Those images are one heck of a price to pay for a "successful reconciliation".


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Mental video editing like the other members have suggested helped me tremendously. You may also want to read the following.

*3 Ways to Erase Post-Affair Anger*
*Cheated On, Tortured by Images*
*http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/40190-feeding-affair-image-beast.html#post593486*
*Erase Obsessive Affair Images (in 30 Minutes)*


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## StandingInQuicksand (Jun 4, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> At some point I will share with my wife that the one permanant gift she gave me is the fact that when I have sex with her I can only think of the OM f7ucking her and I only do it to get off, because in reality at this stage that is the truth.


This has happened to me a few times! I thought I was a sicko for thinking of my friend/OW and my H like remembering some porn movie scene...

Hopefully this is NOT permanent for you or me. In my case, it's only happened a few times in the heat of the moment. I felt perv-y and gross afterwards.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

I hate the images, I have them from time to time. I will be doing something or watching TV and have them, then I will look at MH with this discussed look. She did oral and the images are in my head of her doing that more then sex as that only happened 2x, weird I can get that out of my head quicker then the other.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

lovemylife26 said:


> that only happened 2x, weird I can get that out of my head quicker then the other.


How do you know it only happened twice?

Because that was what you were told by your deceptive, cheating partner?

:scratchhead:


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

morituri said:


> Mental video editing like the other members have suggested helped me tremendously.


Yes! in fact I think it was you Mori, who suggested the clown theme. Now all it takes is just imaging the sound of a bike horn, don't even need to picture the costume.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I know this is hard. I had the misfortune of finding pictures and vids on my wifes phone. I think about my kids, my granddaughter and they seem to pass.

Yes having these images in my head while we are having sex is hard to deal with. They do pass and lessen with time.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> How do you know it only happened twice?
> 
> Because that was what you were told by your deceptive, cheating partner?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Yes, he even gave me dates to when. She gave him all the time they saw each which was 2x a week.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Those images are one heck of a price to pay for a "successful reconciliation".


For some people, if they can live with it, then why not?

For some who actually SAW what happened or heard it, then that can be different and so perhaps not do-able, for reconciliation.


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

i seem to be having the slightly reverse problem...

i think i can manag the images, and at somepoint replace them...

the thing that bugs me is if my wife has those memories and images and if theyre good for her...

or worse yet, the OM having his memories and images in his head...after all hes seen my wife naked , an theres nothing i can do to erase those images from his head...the fact that he stole (or attempted to )a woman away from her husband...and the fact that hes seen her the way that ive seen her...now she wasnt a virgin when we started dating, but those were normal realtionships...but this and those images they have is even harder than my own...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

elph,

Care to update your thread?


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## sbm1977 (May 29, 2012)

At least when I asked if her the sex was any good she said no laughing, saying "I know that's a terrible thing to say, but it was more about the connection". So I'm still the champ


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Don't believe her or take whatever she says with a grain of salt. Your WS will try to say whatever she think what will help her best in the current scenario or will help your ego. There was a WS that posted here that she orgasmed vaginally only with her OM(which she never did with her H). 

Remember, she was having PA with him for an year. And of course, the sex will be better if you are in love with your partner. What she said doesn't mean anything and is nothing to feel good about..


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## Zippy the chimp (May 15, 2012)

Definitely feel your pain on this one, haven't had sex with my wife once where stuff hasn't popped into my head, at times very difficult to manage or keep going, I have thought about stopping a few times (feeling overwhelmed, losing erection) but I just try to slow down refocus on her, how it feels that stuff. The images still stay there but more in the back ground, the end is usually the worst then right after for awhile not really sure they will ever go away completely. One thing I am sure of is I am not going to stop I won't let the OM win even if he doesn't know about it.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

The mental images never go away, men are visual creatures. You can certainly try exercises that would make them less vivid but you can't block them. It's one of the primary reasons why I couldn't reconcile.


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## I R Baboon (Jun 8, 2012)

Don't recommend it but thats what i do when they start playing out in my head but, yeah they're becoming more distant now, hang in there mate :smthumbup:


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