# Let Go and Let God (you know me, it's long)



## RDJ

One of the toughest ideas to understand in this modern world is the role of prayer and how prayers are answered. Most of the confusion on this subject revolves around what prayer is.

At its most basic, prayer is a way of setting intentions. You are asking God to change your human experience in some way. Perhaps you are asking for solutions to problems. Perhaps you are asking for something to be added or deleted. Perhaps you are just seeking a greater understanding of the human experience. Whatever the case may be, you are asking for some aspect of your own life, or the life of another to be improved.

The problem that most people run into with prayer is that they are far too specific about what exactly they want to see changed, and how it should change. They think they know exactly why they are not happy and exactly what changes would solve the problem. They are asking God to intervene in the world and change it to better suit them. If God does not do this then they feel that their prayers were ignored.

The thing that must be understood here is that God has a much larger and clearer view of your own life than you do. He can see exactly what you are trying to accomplish and what effect it will have on you and your life. He can also see that some of things that you are asking for are not what you need. They do not serve your personal growth as a human being. They are just catering to personal fear. God is not interested in catering to your fears. God is interested in helping you grow.

For example, suppose that you have a great deal of personal fear and insecurity around the subject of money. You are always worried about having enough money. It seems logical to you that the answer to this problem is accumulating so much money that you will never have to worry about having enough. This may lead you to pray for God to bring lots of money into your life. God will hear your prayer, but if that prayer is coming from a place of fear and insecurity then God may decide that it is not the best thing for you. Perhaps God will decide that the better thing, the thing that better serves your growth, is to dissolve your fear surrounding money.

I do not believe that God is against wealth. The thing that God is against is ways of living that are driven by fear.

Think of fear as being like a big vortex that hangs above you and sucks all of the joy and light out of your life. The biggest misconception about fear is that it can be satisfied by feeding it. I fear being poor so I seek money to feed that fear. I fear being alone so I seek a relationship to feed that fear. Although it seems to make sense, it does not actually work. You may find a high paying job that allows you to get away from fear for a while; however, as soon as there is a rumour of layoffs that fear will be back in full force. You will cling to the job. You may find a great relationship, but at the first sign that things are not quite right you panic. You cling to the relationship. The fear was never actually gone. It just went into hiding.

As I said before, God does not like to see anyone living from fear. Fear is the opposite of joy. God wants to see you live and joy. Sometimes this means that God will need to destroy the very things that you are desperately clinging to in order to address the fear that is underneath. It is only when the fear is gone that you can start moving into a life of joy and abundance.

There are many couples in the world who have problems with sex and intimacy in their relationships. These couples often settle into dysfunctional patterns of behaviour that are not satisfying for either partner. Every couple days or so he asks and she says no and then there is a fight. Sometimes it ends with sex happening, but neither person really enjoying it. Sometimes it ends with no sex. Either way, they both lose because the fear and insecurity around the whole subject remains.

Suppose that both partners are praying for a solution. He is asking for his wife to stop resisting himself so much. She is asking for her husband to stop being so pushy. They both think they know what the solution is, and they are probably both wrong. Meanwhile, the situation continues and they both think that God is ignoring their prayers.

Suppose that one day he goes on-line to find advice about seducing his wife and finds a site that suggests he just stop pursuing her for a while and try being more romantic and loving. He ponders that but decides that if he lets off on the pressure their sex life will totally die.

Suppose that one day she reads an article in a magazine about giving your spouse what you know they need, even if you do not agree that it is important. She ponders it, but then decides that her husband will just take advantage of it and be wanting sex all the time.

It may be that God was offering both of them a window into the solution that is right for them. However, it was not the solution that they had settled their minds on so they ignored it. In both cases, an opportunity was lost.

Here are some important points that I want you to consider:

God always hears our prayers, and he always answers them, but he does not always do it in the way that we expect him to. He is not going to give us exactly what we want each time, because sometimes the thing that we asked for is not what we need. God gives us what you need.

Quite often, the thing that we need is a new perspective on the whole situation. If we are living from fear, and allowing fear to drive our words and actions, then life is going to be pretty miserable. That vortex is never actually satisfied. Rather than seeking new ways to hide from it, the better solution is to dissolve it entirely. Fear only has power over you if you allow it to. It is like a bully that chases you around all day, but when you finally turn and face it, it turns out to be not so scary.

Many people have clung to dysfunctional patterns in marriage for years because they were afraid to let go of them. They were afraid that if they let go of what they did have, then they would have nothing. Then, after years of struggle, they finally give up … and things finally start to improve. The old patterns fall away, and new ones begin to evolve that are much more loving and peaceful.

Likewise, many people have clung to jobs that they hate for fear of being without income. However, they eventually hit a point where they cannot do it for one day more and quit. Soon after that they land a job that maybe does not pay as well, but is so much more joyful to do.

Sometimes you have to let go of what you have, allow it to fall away, and allow yourself to have nothing for a while. It is in those moments of acceptance that the vortex of fear suddenly stops spinning, and quietly dissolves. That thing you feared so much has finally come to pass … and it was not so bad after all. You are still here. The world has not ended. All of that fear was built on nothing. It was product of your own mind and its social conditioning.

Of course, you want to move forward, and as soon as the fear is dissolved you will start to move forward. You start imagining new possibilities and things start to happen. Your life begins to rebuild itself into something better. You made space and now that space is being filled.

That is what it means to let go, and let God. Instead of always asking for something specific to change in a specific way, or asking for something to be added to you, try just asking for joy. Try asking God to do whatever is necessary to help you find peace and joy in life. Then be open to the possibility for anything to happen.

Bringing you into a place of peace and joy may require God to seriously remodel your life. All kinds of things may have to be stripped away in order for better things to come in. Be open to that possibility. If you are always looking ahead to the kind of life you want then it will happen. On the other hand, if you are always turning back to try and pick up the things that God knocked off then you will get bogged down and block what God is trying to do in your life.

Have faith that God always brings you what you need in order to grow and expand as a human being.


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## Lioness

Amazing, Thank you!


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## tigger01

That was a wonderful read! Thank you for taking the time to write it!


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## RDJ

Thank You for your kind words, I appriciate it!


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## Shadow1

Thank you. That was the answer to my prayers.


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## Separated79

Thank You!


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## This is me

Wow! Simply wow. This is something I will be rereading and sharing with others. Thank you!!!


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## heavensangel

Wow! Exactly what I needed to hear & when I needed to hear it. 

Thank you too, being a relatively new member of this site (just a few days), It's been a little disappointing to find there's not a whole lot of positive postings, comments, feedback, etc. Pretty scary to say the least!


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## LovesHerMan

This is beautiful. Another thing that I do when I pray is say what I am grateful for that day. Gratitude puts you in a reverent state, and reminds your pesky ego that it represents your false self, and you do not have to listen to its incessant yammering.


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## Ghaleon

Very nice piece, bravo! While reading this it felt as if this was wrote with me in mind. It felt so personal to me and it was really what I needed to hear. Very comforting message and I thank you for taking time out of your day to share it with us.


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## luckycardinal

That is great! I quit a job I absolutely HATED last year and guess what - God blessed me with a job making a LOT more money and with insurance benefits only a few months later. God knows what we need before we ask.


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## RDJ

Thank You for your kind comments.

I have had a full plate latley, not posting the last several weeks.

I hope to soon find the time to visit with all the kind people here on TAM.

Warmly,

RDJ


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## HazelGrove

I love this. I might not believe in the same god/dess as you do (or rather, call Her by the same name), but your text resonates in my spiritual tradition as well. I have a very close relationship with the Goddess I serve, including in how to get along in my new (first for me!) marriage (She even brought me and my husband together, I believe - in answer to a prayer). Her lessons are very much part of how She answers prayers. I believe She brought us together to help us both heal ourselves, heal our relationship with the divine as well as create something greater, more holy, together - something we can't do separately. It's not an easy path every day, but I learnt long ago that nothing of value was gained idly: and that the path of greater joy is also the path that brings us to the heart of ourselves, of the other, and of relationship with the divine - a sacred circle - past fear, past dark shadows, following Her light.


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## daisygirl 41

Thankyou RDJ
I need to believe that God has a bigger plan for me. My life has been in turmoil for 10 months because of my Hs infidelity. I have been clinging onto my marriage with all my might for me and my children to no avail. I wonder if God has another future planned for me. Maybe it's time for me to let go!
Regards
DG
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Riverside MFT

Great write-up RDJ,
I think all too often, we pray for God to change others around us instead of praying for humility and for the courage to change ourselves.


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## Dawn Marie

Its been months and months that I have been praying for God's help. I prayed that he would relieve me of my husbands verbal abuse, and he left me shortly after. We have been seperated for 3 months. I knew God would answer my prayers, but not like that. I have struggled since that time with God about the restoration of my marriage. I have prayed for healing, hope, peace, direction, forgiveness and the list goes on and on. I ask continually "why" it had to be this way and when it will all be over. I still dont have an answer. I have given the situation over to God, but the worry, hurt, anger and fear still remain. I guess over the years I have clung to that because it is all I have ever known. It seems kind of sick and sad, but its like a comfort to me because that became my life. I dont know what it is like to live without it. Maybe thats what I need to pray for more than anything. I really appreciate the post. It gave me a different view of the situation that I can begin to pray for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon

Dawn Marie said:


> Its been months and months that I have been praying for God's help. I prayed that he would relieve me of my husbands verbal abuse, and he left me shortly after. We have been seperated for 3 months. I knew God would answer my prayers, but not like that. I have struggled since that time with God about the restoration of my marriage. I have prayed for healing, hope, peace, direction, forgiveness and the list goes on and on. I ask continually "why" it had to be this way and when it will all be over. I still dont have an answer. I have given the situation over to God, but the worry, hurt, anger and fear still remain. I guess over the years I have clung to that because it is all I have ever known. It seems kind of sick and sad, but its like a comfort to me because that became my life. I dont know what it is like to live without it. Maybe thats what I need to pray for more than anything. I really appreciate the post. It gave me a different view of the situation that I can begin to pray for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This thread and this post clarified some things as well for me...well I at least am thinking so.. you see I also have been a victim of verbal and emotional/physical abuse for the last almost three years. I believe in restoration and forgivness and we went to church and listened to our sermons and watched our recorded sermons on tv...'he' knew how to be a good Christian husband...but then there were bouts where he would 'fall off the wagon'...long story short...he always walked out...left...
so he left and wants a divorce. I have not seen a sign of a reconciliation as he's done as much as he can on his side for separating us. He's backed me into a corner where I 'need to file' to get the financial help to get these bills paid. 
I was thinking about stalling and hoping and prayed he'd see the light and his heart would soften and he'd hear the holy spirit again...but it's not happening. I've been angry myself at God and distant but have been praying for a breakthrough and again it's not happening in my favor. 

Everywhere I turn I'm being told to let him go. Just let him go. And now I come across this thread and was just thinking about calling my church...and my church most likely would say..he wanted out...let 'him' file etc...but I think if 'i' file I would have the upper hand...and quite frankly these debts are in my name and I'm in a bind...I 'need' the upper hand if there is indeed one. 

I don't want a divorce but I can't stay married to a man that does. I can't just hang on to him forever as much as I want to run to him and go get him...he'd reject me on the spot. He won't even talk to me. He just bailed. (no other woman involved that's not the issue...it's his passive aggressive naccissitc behavior/personality...just to clarify) He's always ran back to his parents house when things would get tough and I ALWAYS had to go get him. He'd never come home on his own.. 

I've posted in the subforums under separated...getting divorced...so I am repeating myself here but I just realized there is a spiritual forum here and came across this thread and this has been weighing heavily on me about the wondering of filing...I don't want to be hastey...but I can't hang onto a man that doesn't want me and I sure can't handle the abuse and put downs anymore...not that he's coming back...again...

I want my husband..I want my Christian husband back...but I haven't seen him in months if not a year now...my husband doesn't want to be that man....

I have to let him go and let God...

Yes?


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## Mr Blunt

I will add another response to this OP. great Post!
I especially took note of this statement



> *God is not interested in catering to your fears. God is interested in helping you grow.*


That is so true and I think that fear is a great tool in getting our attention.


*



All of that fear was built on nothing. It was product of your own mind and its social conditioning

Click to expand...

*.
In the case that was used in the OP that is a very true statement that can be used for improvement. 
However, In some cases that fear is built on something. It is a real fear that fears when a loved one is on hard drugs and living in the gang and drug dealer areas. It is a real fear when you see your loved beaten so bad that he bleeds for days.



*



Try asking God to do whatever is necessary to help you find peace and joy in life. Then be open to the possibility for anything to happen.

Click to expand...

*I would like to add that I have asked God to keep me strong so that I never turn from God no matter what ah happens.






> *Have faith that God always brings you what you need in order to grow and expand as a human being*.


That is a very good suggestion and so very true about God. For me, I have had to see God prove that statement in my life on several occasions. I have let go and let God then grab it back from God, then let go and let God, then grab it back*....God is very patient and understanding with me.*

*It was during my most fearful times and suffering that God taught me that the statement above is true*. I hope that I have learned that lesson so I do not have to go through many more of those fearful and suffering times.


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## 2ntnuf

RDJ,(sorry for the spelling error)

Thank you for this post. It has brought some things to light for me that I already knew, but had hidden in the back of my mind. 

Your post reminds me of the old joke about a flood.

A very bad storm came and flooded a town.
Flood waters were rising, but the faithful man prayed for deliverance. A canoe came along and the man was asked if he needed help. He replied, "My Lord will send it." So the canoist left.

As he awaited God's help, the flood waters rose and he climbed to the second floor of his house. Looking out the window, he realized the water was still rising and he asked God once again to intercede. A row boat came along and he was asked if he needed a hand. The faithful man said, "No, my God will attend to my needs."

The faithful man realized he needed to get higher as the water rose more. He climbed on the roof and sat praying, "Lord, please help." A helicopter flew over and hovered above him while a sling was dropped. He pushed the sling away and shouted, "No, my Lord will save me."

The flood waters continued to rise and he was swept off the roof. When he awoke, he found himself in heaven. He knelt before the Lord and asked, "Why didn't you save me? I was a faithful man!"

The Lord said, "I sent you a canoe, a row boat and a helicopter. You refused them all."

May the peace and joy of Christmas be yours today and throughout the new year. Once again, thank you.

Sincerely,

2ntnuf


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## RDJ

Thank you for your kind words, I'm glad that something I wrote may have helped.


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## debster

Very insightful post!


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## notdone

This is a great post! I'm printing it and will post on the fridge!


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## Rough Patch Sewing

Let Go and Let God is spot on!

The thing that I can't shake is my dependance on God for everything. I even depend on Him to send the trials and hardships of life to bare... because those are the sweetest times with Him. He wants us to have abundant life. That abundant life is totally all about how close we are to Him in real commitment and relationship.

I don't ever want to forget about Him in my day to day life. My goal is to have every victory be for Him and His glory. I love the freedom to just be with Him too.

Jesus is the quintessence. What I mean is that He is the knowable source and essence for all of life in all of it's fullness. That alone makes loving Him and being loved by Him through even the hardest of times that much sweeter.

Thanks for bringing up the topic of prayer and have such good perspective on it all.


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## This is me

Someone just liked my comment that brought me back to these wonderful words of wisdom. Very timely that I find myself reading this again, as I have found myself fearing some things needlessly.

Thank you again RDJ!


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## Rough Patch Sewing

heavensangel said:


> Wow! Exactly what I needed to hear & when I needed to hear it.
> 
> Thank you too, being a relatively new member of this site (just a few days), It's been a little disappointing to find there's not a whole lot of positive postings, comments, feedback, etc. Pretty scary to say the least!


In war and its aftermath it is difficult to feel positive about those things that were fought over, hurt by, and... It is difficult to feel positive about those people that meant so much in their marriage, and hurt them just as much.

We have all been hurt in the past, especially by those we love the most. It is important not to see those that hurt you as enemies (as much as humanly possible, but, with God nothing is impossible), but as people who who for one reason or another deserve our prayers and long-suffering care and attention.

This is a complicated thing and it is difficult to explain it succinctly, but I will try.

I have learned to pause and ask God for His grace to help me not harbor any injury from my wife, but instead to "Let Go and Let God" as it were. That means that I forgive ASAP, and try to ask the right questions, hold judgement, and try to help my wife when I feel hurt by her.

It takes practice... I have to integrate it into every facet of our marriage relationship, cuz... things seldom stay happy long in my marriage. I suspect that in general most marriages are the same in that aspect. 

But with trust in Jesus, love, and understanding most storms can be weathered and trust increased in the end. This has been on my mind so much that I recently wrote about it in my blog, you can find out more here: Understanding backs up love and trust


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## Rough Patch Sewing

Just to clarify, when I speak of war, I mean war in the minds of those who are set against their own mate. Or, those who are forced into that position by their mate. Many people do not want their marriages to end, but their, fed up, unfaithful, ready to cut and run, or abusive spouse is forcing the divorce.

It can become a war of sorts. Sometimes a marriage stays together, but each partner does not address and heal the root causes of the problems. A "cold war" results within the marriage. Mistrust and estrangement fuel the cold war.

Prayer can really help as God becomes welcomed into the situation and faith springs up that brings on the fruit of the spirit to help resolve any kind of marital war.


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## OrganizedChaos

I have watched my families faith in god diminish as time goes on, as out family literally dies left and right, how we are struck time and time again with cancers, heart attacks, stroke that leave members of our family paralyzed. I think watching my father lose his faith was the hardest, as he loses his ability to walk more and more he begins to questions his purpose. The more he sees the world the more he sees that God is no longer here. 

Its just us. 

As much as I want to believe there is something and maybe it cares, I can't help but to believe that he was never here in the first place. And we're all just afraid to take responsibility.


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## debster

OrganizedChaos said:


> I have watched my families faith in god diminish as time goes on, as out family literally dies left and right, how we are struck time and time again with cancers, heart attacks, stroke that leave members of our family paralyzed. I think watching my father lose his faith was the hardest, as he loses his ability to walk more and more he begins to questions his purpose. The more he sees the world the more he sees that God is no longer here.
> 
> Its just us.
> 
> As much as I want to believe there is something and maybe it cares, I can't help but to believe that he was never here in the first place. And we're all just afraid to take responsibility.


Taken from my church bulletin, I hope it helps you. It helped me.

Q. With the aftermath of terrible earthquakes and
tsunamis, it begs the question: Why does God
permit suffering?
A. The presence of suffering in the world is a mystery
that we will not fully understand until the final
judgment, but Holy Scripture and the teaching of
the Church can shed some light on it. Consider the
following points:
(1) While God is not the cause of evil and suffering, He
permits these afflictions in order to draw some good
out of them. For instance, out of the suffering and
death of Jesus came eternal salvation. If Jesus did not
die on the cross, we could not get to heaven.
(2) In his Apostolic Letter On the Christian Meaning of
Human Suffering, Pope John Paul II said that
“suffering is present in the world in order to release
love, in order to give birth to works of love toward
neighbour, in order to transform the whole of human
civilization into a civilization of love.” Thus suffering
can be beneficial if it stirs us in a spirit of compassion,
love, and sacrifice toward others. This has been
clearly evidenced in the out-pouring of support for the
people suffering from the aftermath of natural
disasters by the people of this Parish, and indeed the
whole world.
(3) Patient suffering can prepare us for the life to come.
If we suffer with Christ, says St. Paul, we will be
“glorified with him. I consider the sufferings of the
present to be as nothing compared with the glory to
be revealed in us” (Romans 8:17-18).


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