# anyone schedule sex?



## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

I have a friend who has regularly scheduled sex nights with her husband of 19 years. They have a great marriage. Anyone else do that? I thought that might have been helpful in my marriage but stbxh thought that sex should be spontaneous. Unfortunately, he only wanted to spontaneously have sex once a month.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

If 'scheduled sex' is the only sex either of you are going to get....then its infinitely better than no sex atall.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

I totally agree.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

"I want it to be spontaneous" is code for 'I should be allowed to bail at the last minute." Scheduling is a great idea because it establishes that sex is important enough to make time for.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

WEdnesday night is business time

Business Time - Flight Of The Conchords (Lyrics) - YouTube


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Love Flight Of the Conchords, so does the wife. lol.

My wife wakes me up each morning with oral and sometimes sex, but neither of us orgasm. This session is usually around 10-15 minutes. Later that night, we will be intimate and finish what we started. Married 15 years, it works for us.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> Love Flight Of the Conchords, so does the wife. lol.
> 
> My wife wakes me up each morning with oral and sometimes sex, but neither of us orgasm. This session is usually around 10-15 minutes. Later that night, we will be intimate and finish what we started. Married 15 years, it works for us.


Is there something you do for her every day that is her fulfillment equivalent to receiving oral in the morning?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Same here, daff!


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

nader said:


> "I want it to be spontaneous" is code for 'I should be allowed to bail at the last minute." Scheduling is a great idea because it establishes that sex is important enough to make time for.


Yes it does. And, apparently, it also means "Don't ask me for sex or bother doing anything like putting on sexy outfits. I only want to have sex with you when I feel like it and if you're lucky, that will be once a month. The rest of the time the internet girls and I can take care of it. Thanks."


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

daffodilly said:


> Personally, I love giving DH oral....giving it and then getting sex, with a promise for more later, would be pretty fulfilling for me


Ok. Duly noted. I like it too, but if I felt like I was expected to do it every morning (even if it meant I would get mine later that night) I would begin to resent it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Wanting it to be spontaneous = excuse in this scenario.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

It hasn't worked well for us in the past, but that was with the Old Me. We've got a place locally that has an evening of fun with bounce houses every other Friday and we planned to start using that time for scheduled sex, but the first would have been this Friday and my wife is going out of town with her mom for a marathon. We're going to try to get a playdate for our son at the same time as our daughter's friend's birthday party on Sunday to make-up the missed Friday though.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

For us, it's understood that at least one or more weekend nights (Friday / Saturday / Sunday) we are going to get together. Hopefully 2x. Then we also get together at least once more during the week. I also give him a BJ at least once during the week when he is exhausted. Because we have kids we can only do it at night, we are both tired but we finally had it drummed into our heads from our marriage history that sex has to take a very high priority.

I find that mentioning it throughout the day as "how about tonight" is kind of fun and not really like "scheduling" at all. It's rather fun to text a little during the day or give each other smiles across the room because we're planning to enjoy ourselves later.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

WillK said:


> It hasn't worked well for us in the past, but that was with the Old Me. We've got a place locally that has an evening of fun with bounce houses every other Friday and we planned to start using that time for scheduled sex, but the first would have been this Friday and my wife is going out of town with her mom for a marathon. We're going to try to get a playdate for our son at the same time as our daughter's friend's birthday party on Sunday to make-up the missed Friday though.


Not sure if the bounce house is for the scheduled sex or not....but dang if that don't sound fun! After rereading, I reckon it's for the kids...but I really prefer my first thought upon reading this!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I texted my wife just now that I am going to tap dat ass tonight

guess I scheduled some sex


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Yes, we schedule sex. If we didn't, it would never happen. Brushing out teeth is foreplay also! Tuesday and thursday mornings and Saturday night.

School is almost out so I am not sure about the morning during the Summer.

I try not to bother her on the other days. It seems like overtime for her. She would be too overworked.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

firebelly said:


> Is there something you do for her every day that is her fulfillment equivalent to receiving oral in the morning?


I just spoke with her this morning about this. About a year ago she came up with the concept of "our circle". 

Somewhere along the lines I stopped paying attention to her, although I loved her with all my heart. In return, she quit being enthusiastic or would sigh when I initiated any intimacy. Although she would always go along with it, our intimacy was hollow, as was our relationship. *She is a giver so she has never had issues with rejecting me, in fact, to this day she has never rejected me. I am not sure what it is that makes her this way, but it isn't her sex drive.* After the first few years (new love -- rabbits) I'd say we went on a 12 year run of only me initiating. This led me to feel unwanted. I'd always look at her if she entered the room, fully dressed, and tell her how beautiful she was. She wouldn't even glance at me if I walked by her naked after a shower. She was so giving if I asked, but it seemed like she purposely stayed away from me emotionally so I wouldn't ask. I can't confirm this, but it was just my suspicions or just my guilty conscience for using her for sex. 

Anyway, things came to a head and we realized we were living different lives. We had kids, but other than them, me and my wife were not even a couple or friends anymore. If we went to the movies, I would hold one kids hand and she would hold the others. We didn't go out alone, at all. It was funny because we always said we were each others best friend, but that was definitely not true anymore. Our friendship was non existent and we were just roommates. I think the key to our change was, we both had love to give and didn't hate each other, although we grew apart. I was never mean or abusive. I always complimented her. I would move towards another room to watch tv, play games or do some hobby, but always stop and say how pretty she was. I would ask her how her day was while I slowly creeped my way out of the room. It was a polite conversation, but like her sex, my attention was hollow. 

For me, I turned away from her because I felt unwanted. I was never going to cheat, I was never going to leave her, but deep inside, I felt unloved. However, I never quit asking for intimacy/sex. I judged her willingness to give me herself as a sign she still sort of loved me, as much as she could, even if it felt empty. I thought that was just the way married life was. Most of the time after sex she would actually purposely wash off and not talk much. She never came out and said it, but it was like she wanted me to know she would have rather done everything else but been with me. Prior to me asking for intimacy, she would start cleaning up a room, fold clothes, and basically procrastinate while I waited for her to come to bed. On the outside, I never broke. I never showed signs that it bugged me, because I knew the next step was an eventual sexless marriage. If I gave in to my guilt and quit asking, it was done. On the inside, I started masturbating more. Even though I knew she would never reject me, I would rather jack off than feel guilty. 

With this resentment, I turned my attention off. I would rather be anywhere in the world except in the room with her talking about her day. She made me feel unwanted and unloved, so I (without ever saying it) stopped wanting to be around her. She used to be my best friend, but now she was just my baby momma/f*ck buddy. 

Small arguments became seperation talk, other people became possible "friends". This was the point when we sat down and reevaluated our relationship. She came up with the concept of our circle. If she was to give me a few minutes out of her day and show me she loved me and I was wanted, I will spend the rest of my day showing her she was indeed my best friend. The morning sessions started, and although we do not orgasm, it is very intimate. Kissing my underarms, licking my nipples, then sliding down and oral. I am the worst morning person, but this has changed that. My day starts off great and I will text her all day because of how good I feel. The oral thing/morning thing really started when she decided she wanted to learn to deep throat. This took a while as she would try a few times in the morning, gag and near throw up, then stop. She would get out of bed and say she is going to learn it no matter what, we'd get up and go to work. Eventually she learned to control her gag reflex and the oral sessions in the morning stayed and got very intense. I am not sure if the self image of her new trick changed her perspective, but I can't stop her from going down on me anymore. From there, there mornings became part of our circle. Like I said, not to orgasm or use her, but just to be intimate with each other. The mornings are not just oral sex anymore, but just intimate time in general. This has now been going on almost a year.

The mornings are the build up for our evenings together.

Some possible factors: She had her tubes tied, had her last child, and turned 35. 

I am not sure if this was totally hormonal or her wanting me back in her life, but she now has a sex drive. She is now initiating 75% of our time together, she txts me during the day saying she can't wait until tonight, and she will describe in detail how different sexual things felt to her from the night before. She also began to anal regularly (although she would give it to me maybe once a year -- hated to do it, now she wants it almost as much as vaginal sex). In return, I spend all of my free time with her and our kids. I no longer disappear into different rooms, I no longer have a 100 other hobbies, in fact, she is my only hobby now. AFTER (not before as some sort of trick to get her to notice me) this began, I began to schedule our off hours for us to clean up the house. For the first time in years, we had a spotless house, which has remained the same. I began to cook out and grill for her (I was a horrible cook). We began to shop together and spend our weekends traveling. She became the most important person in my life again. Maybe it was her idea of the circle, an exact opposite of the 180, that turned me around, but it worked. I feel like men are so easy to keep happy, just show them you want them in every way as much as possible and they will respond accordingly. I did.

In hindsight, she probably is the mastermind behind our marriage turnaround, but I am the one on marriage forums, etc.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you left out the semen in the colon theory


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Aristotle said:


> In return, I spend all of my free time with her and our kids. I no longer disappear into different rooms, I no longer have a 100 other hobbies, in fact, she is my only hobby now.


All the other stuff is great, and I'm happy for you, only this bugs me a little.. shouldn't both of you still have some hobbies/me time?


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

daffodilly said:


> Well, sure, that's different. If it's adamantly expected then you get in to chore sex. It should always be seen as an awesome gift! I'm assuming his wife does it because she wants to.


Me too, but that's why I asked the question. I'm assuming that she is otherwise fulfilled in the marriage and does it willingly and I'm wondering what she gets from him that makes her feel fulfilled enough to do it freely. 

And...other posts from Aristotle make me wonder if he cares what his wife's needs are so I'm asking the question to see if he knows.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> Not sure if the bounce house is for the scheduled sex or not....but dang if that don't sound fun! After rereading, I reckon it's for the kids...but I really prefer my first thought upon reading this!


It's for the kids, under instigate, isolate and escalate - the bounce house falls under isolate (get the house to ourselves)


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

I didn't leave it out, but since you again have mentioned it (AR seems to really like this theory):

The semen (hormones -- specifically testosterone) in her colon affects my wife's mood. If she does not have anal sex for a few days, her drive will drop off a bit and she will not be as aggressive. If she has anal sex, she will be aggressive with an extremely high sex drive for the next 24 hours. Like I mentioned above, she now prefers anal sex over vaginal.

I have already explained this in numerous other anal threads so I will not go into the details other than, the colon is made to absorb nutrients, unlike the vagina or stomach. It's almost like putting testosterone directly in your blood stream. For example, putting a small amount of alcohol in your colon can cause alcohol poisoning and kill you. There is no filter and the colon is made to absorb. 

Quick fun fact: It could also be an explanation on why gay guys tend to be extremely happy, especially when they are in a relationship, but extremely depressed when they are not.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

nader said:


> All the other stuff is great, and I'm happy for you, only this bugs me a little.. shouldn't both of you still have some hobbies/me time?


I am not sure if she did a reverse 180 on me, but I only have a desire to do hobbies that she enjoys with me. It's not like I am suffering. I still go to the gym and do things that keep me healthy, but as far as "time consuming" hobbies, like gaming, no. In hindsight, that is a toxic hobby. It wasn't just my wife I was ignoring, it was my kids, my wife, my life.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> I just spoke with her this morning about this. About a year ago she came up with the concept of "our circle".
> 
> Somewhere along the lines I stopped paying attention to her, although I loved her with all my heart. In return, she quit being enthusiastic or would sigh when I initiated any intimacy. Although she would always go along with it, our intimacy was hollow, as was our relationship. *She is a giver so she has never had issues with rejecting me, in fact, to this day she has never rejected me. I am not sure what it is that makes her this way, but it isn't her sex drive.* After the first few years (new love -- rabbits) I'd say we went on a 12 year run of only me initiating. This led me to feel unwanted. I'd always look at her if she entered the room, fully dressed, and tell her how beautiful she was. She wouldn't even glance at me if I walked by her naked after a shower. She was so giving if I asked, but it seemed like she purposely stayed away from me emotionally so I wouldn't ask. I can't confirm this, but it was just my suspicions or just my guilty conscience for using her for sex.
> 
> ...


I keep reading about this 180 thing and not knowing what it is. I'll have to do some research. But, I really want to understand how this happened for you. Did your wife say "I'll give you oral every morning if you will help me with the housework, go shopping with me," etc.? Did she tell you specific things she wanted you to do in return or how did that conversation go?


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

firebelly said:


> I keep reading about this 180 thing and not knowing what it is. I'll have to do some research. But, I really want to understand how this happened for you. Did your wife say "I'll give you oral every morning if you will help me with the housework, go shopping with me," etc.? Did she tell you specific things she wanted you to do in return or how did that conversation go?


I wish I had an answer for you. After reading the thread this morning about "How do you get your wife to start giving blow jobs again", I texted my wife and asked her what changed us. I wanted to know why she changed. 

We were high school sweethearts so our life together was still like grown kids. She didn't enjoy oral but never rejected me. When I would ask (she would never initiate) for oral, it was just sucking on my head, lazy (jaw hurts, eyes dry -- stops after a few minutes), almost like a high school girl would give a blow job, even with her at 30 years old. If she tried to put it in the back of her throat, it would maybe go down 2 inches and she would stop. In hindsight, she never grew into a woman sexually. It wasn't until we hit this point in our life, where we treated each other like absolute strangers and everything changed. She wasn't timid giving oral anymore and would demand I didn't move while she worked on "deeping" me. Her inhibitions changed and she became sexually active as an "adult".

I think the concept of a woman cheating on her man and being a whole different sexual person is interesting. For whatever reason they are ashamed to open up with their husbands and be what they really want to be. My wife stepped into that grey area, but she did it with me. That's my only explanation. My dirty talk has always consisted of comments like, "Give me the same sex you'd give a stranger in a one night stand. I want a wild woman, a woman with no cares ...."

Our sleeping arrangement? We slept in different rooms. It really was like we were kids still. I hated feeling someone else move in my bed at night and she kind of just let me hop in bed for sex, then out of bed to go to sleep. She never complained and was always openly ready to cuddle if I stayed, but I didn't. I was still like a high school kid who didn't want to share my bed. I wanted to sleep alone and enjoy my rest. That changed also changed. We agreed to get the kids out of the room and sleep nude together. Every night since, we have done just that, no matter what. If she gets into bed with even panties on, I will roll over and let her know, I want to feel your skin baby. She knows, and she takes everything off. In return, I stay the whole night next to her.

Anal? Same concept. Like when we were teenagers, we would try it once and if it hurt, stop. If I finished, we'd talk about it and she would say she liked it but not enough to do it again any time soon. I'd agree and maybe bring it up a year later. We were both still very "young adult" minded. I never became a man, she never became a woman. Had we left each other in our 30s, I would assume she would have been into anal, deep throat, amazing sex, and slept in the same bed as her new man. I assume I would have slept in the same bed as my new woman. It wasn't a matter of us purposely being prude or against things, it was just that we learned each other as kids and never got to meet as experienced adults. She felt embarrassed to do the things she would have done if she met me later in life. I am not sure if that makes sense. 

You asked me what changed? We came to the point where our relationship had to change or it was over. Either we compromise or we end it. What was the problem? Lack of attention, lack of effort, complacency. 

We agreed to work on our weak points and spend more time together. But, remember, my wife was the type of woman that would never reject me. She has never said "no" if I asked for sex, she would just make me guilty for having it. Her personality is a pleaser and a giver, so now with us working on our relationship, she is still a giver. She wakes me up and kisses on me and says how much she loves me, and yes, eventually will give me oral, just to tease me. Sometimes she will climb on top of me when she gets me wet and we will fool around, but never to orgasm. This became a daily thing once we started sleeping nude. After the first few times she did it, I immediately let her know how much it makes me feel like a fu*cking man. I wanted to grill out, I wanted to go camping with her, I wanted to talk to her all day and tell her how much I was thinking about her. I suppose, she quickly picked up on spending 10-15 minutes with me in the morning kept her on my mind for the next 10 -15 hours. Just that simple act of climbing up on me, kissing my chest, under my arms, down my belly...... I was back 100%. Everything else for me fell in place and she came up with the concept of "our circle". If she keeps me happy, I keep her happy.

She made me feel like a man, so I started acting like a man. I wish I have a more clear explanation but I do not. I'd say my wifes personality plays a huge part in this, because even when I felt totally unwanted and unloved, I could have had sex whenever I wanted. She has never rejected me when I asked for anything intimate. I think deep inside she hated my guts, but she stuck to what she promised from the beginning...... never reject each other sexually.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Wow. If I knew for sure that a blow job every morning would be all I need to get my man to want to give back to me, I would definitely do it. But I think you kinda hit at something - you wanted your marriage to work too. You didn't just take the blowjobs and continue to take her for granted. You got in the circle. I'm not sure every man would do that.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

I would LOVE to schedule sex, even if just once a week and the other days are "spontaneous" however my wife refuses too, says it has to be random and spur of the moment, which would be fine if it actually happened, ever! I think complaining about it being spontaneous is just an excuse to get out of having sex, at least that's how i feel about it in my marriage. 

If someone was truly excited about it they would want to talk about it and plan it and make it a active part of their life and would get very upset when it didnt happen on a regular basis. Instead people like that make comments like "itll happen when it happens" aka i dont give a damn and dont feel like explaining why i have no desire anymore.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Yeah 12.22.12 the day after the Maya apocalypse.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Toshiba2020 said:


> I would LOVE to schedule sex, even if just once a week and the other days are "spontaneous" however my wife refuses too, says it has to be random and spur of the moment, which would be fine if it actually happened, ever! I think complaining about it being spontaneous is just an excuse to get out of having sex, at least that's how i feel about it in my marriage.
> 
> If someone was truly excited about it they would want to talk about it and plan it and make it a active part of their life and would get very upset when it didnt happen on a regular basis. Instead people like that make comments like "itll happen when it happens" aka i dont give a damn and dont feel like explaining why i have no desire anymore.


I think you and the others who have said this - it's an excuse - are right. It's a method of control.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

nader said:


> "I want it to be spontaneous" is code for 'I should be allowed to bail at the last minute." Scheduling is a great idea because it establishes that sex is important enough to make time for.


I know this for a fact because I've used this excuse to bail. I'm trying to be better about that now. We're not quite at the point of scheduling, but I'm open to it. I've noticed that when I have all day to think about it, it does give me something to anticipate most nights.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Aristotle said:


> I wish I had an answer for you. After reading the thread this morning about "How do you get your wife to start giving blow jobs again", I texted my wife and asked her what changed us. I wanted to know why she changed...


This whole post just made me tear up a little. It's beautiful that you were able to reclaim and improve upon your sex life so late in a marriage.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> This whole post just made me tear up a little. It's beautiful that you were able to reclaim and improve upon your sex life so late in a marriage.


I agree. I'm really touched by Aristotle's story. AND at the same time it's funny that we can tear up at anything that includes the words "blowjob," and "anal."


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

So...maybe this is another thread...but how does one recover from a relationship where your partner never wanted to have sex with you? After years of initiating and being rejected by my stbxh, I feel gun shy about the idea of initiating sex with any new man. Although, from most of the posts here, it sounds like it will be most likely be NO PROBLEM. For you men out there who separated from a wife who wouldn't put out, did you find it difficult to put yourself out there again? How did you recover?


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## ChelseaBlue (Mar 5, 2012)

Toshiba2020 said:


> I would LOVE to schedule sex, even if just once a week and the other days are "spontaneous" however my wife refuses too, says *it has to be random and spur of the moment, which would be fine if it actually happened, ever! *


When I first read about scheduled sex on another message board, I thought it would ruin spontaneity, but like many others it wasn't happening. I would go to bed almost every night hoping that this was the night when I would get lucky, only to be disappointed. 

Finally I mentioned scheduling to my wife and she agreed to give it a go. She said Saturday was good. I said Saturday and once during the week. We settled for Wednesday and Saturday.

For a long stretch we kept at it. If something came up we agreed to postpone until the following evening. The result I hadn't foreseen was I never went to sleep disappointed again. If it was Monday night I went to bed happy, knowing that we would be back at in only two days, a much better feeling than not knowing when it would occur.

I am happy to say that this lead to more of a commitment to sex from both of us. The schedule is in the past, but set us on the path to mutual contentment, and an average of 2-3 times per week for the last five years.

I would recommend scheduling to anyone who needs something to shake their sexual relationship and frequency.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

ChelseaBlue said:


> When I first read about scheduled sex on another message board, I thought it would ruin spontaneity, but like many others it wasn't happening. I would go to bed almost every night hoping that this was the night when I would get lucky, only to be disappointed.
> 
> Finally I mentioned scheduling to my wife and she agreed to give it a go. She said Saturday was good. I said Saturday and once during the week. We settled for Wednesday and Saturday.
> 
> ...


Yay! I'm so glad this worked for you. That was exactly the reason I wanted a schedule - I could rest easy in the between times knowing I would get SOME. I also felt like that would help me too - not only about sex, but about other things too. My therapist suggests to couples that when they have "issues" to work out that they schedule one hour a week to talk about them. She says give yourself a time limit and stick to it. If you don't resolve the issue, you pick it up next week. (Sounds like therapy, right?) But it gives the person who has some gripes a guaranteed time to voice concerns and makes the partner who feels attacked a time limit so they don't feel like the "attack" will go on forever.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

firebelly said:


> So...maybe this is another thread...but how does one recover from a relationship where your partner never wanted to have sex with you? After years of initiating and being rejected by my stbxh, I feel gun shy about the idea of initiating sex with any new man. Although, from most of the posts here, it sounds like it will be most likely be NO PROBLEM. For you men out there who separated from a wife who wouldn't put out, did you find it difficult to put yourself out there again? How did you recover?


Speaking as the one who had the lower drive, I turned down my wife's advances a LOT in the first years of our marriage. So much so that she eventually stopped asking. When I finally got my sh*t together and tried to encourage her to be be more assertive with me because I acknowledge I'm not the greatest at picking up hints, she still had difficulty adjusting. She still does, in fact, and it's been a couple of years, although things have improved in the past few months.

All I can say is this: If you rely to much on signals and hints, by the time you pick up on them, they've changed. If you want it, you have to both ask for it when you want it and accept it when it's offered. That way you're satisfied when you need to be, your partner is satisfied when he needs it.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Okay, here's a dumb question. For those of you who do schedule sex, is it always at bedtime, or at different times on different days, or do you just promise each other to jump each other on alternating Thursdays, or what?


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## ChelseaBlue (Mar 5, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Okay, here's a dumb question. For those of you who do schedule sex, is it always at bedtime, or at different times on different days, or do you just promise each other to jump each other on alternating Thursdays, or what?


For us it started as bedtime sex on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Depending on circumstances and individual desires, often another day or time would be substituted, with the goal of twice a week as a priority.

Soon the old saw, (the more you have sex, the more you want it), took over and twice a week sometimes became three or four times a week. Evenings sometimes became mornings.

Remember that the schedule you agree on is up to you. The reward is that if you keep to it you are having sex more often than in the past.


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

Sort of. We are coming out of a rough patch of frequency we had a couple of problems.. Husband was bored but felt like he was going to hurt me if he said so and the other problem was that we had somehow (only sexually) become so disconnected we were both almost afraid to initiate.

We started by having three nights a week that we would have sex and that worked out great for us but now we will make little comments through out the day about having sex later that night and we have gone from sex 2-4 times a month to 4-5 times a week so we really don't need to follow the schedule anymore but it helped us get to where we needed to be


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## ilovechocolate (Jan 16, 2012)

We had slipped into a routine of once or twice a month . My H did some research and came up with an idea. Vouchers . We each have three vouchers and a void every month - If one partner plays a voucher - they can say where when and how . They are also responsible for setting the scene - candles, wine etc. It also brings a bit of fun and politics into play, eg if we both want to play one on the same day - who ever sends the text first has won .


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Okay, here's a dumb question. For those of you who do schedule sex, is it always at bedtime, or at different times on different days, or do you just promise each other to jump each other on alternating Thursdays, or what?


Tuesday, Thursay morning and Saturday night... Even if we are angry with each other, which is a lot lately.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Already Gone said:


> Tuesday, Thursay morning and Saturday night... Even if we are angry with each other, which is a lot lately.


Does the regular sex help any with whatever your conflicts are?

On the other hand, I hear angry sex is *HOT HOT HOT!!*

:FIREdevil:


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

I just think scheduling it would make it kind of a chore... at this point, I say no way. In the future, maybe things will change.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

We've never had set days where we had to have sex on a particular day. We do, however, loosely follow an "every x number of days" rule where x is the outside allowable limit (barring things such as illness or being separated for some reason). x has varied over the course of our marriage. In the beginning x was like 1 or 2. Now, it's usually 7 - 14 days as an outside limit. If it's falling off past that, then we start to look at what's going on more closely - anymore it usually ends up being something physical/health-related going on that is having a negative impact ... and typically it's me that's falling
apart. 

I don't think scheduling is bad if you are both on board with it. You can also loosely schedule where each partner takes 3 days and can initiate during those days and the other has the remaining days to initiate. That allows a little more flexibility. But both people need to be on board and willing to do it, just like if you decide to try a "never say no" policy - which we have also done at various points.

Some couples have problems with initiating or are both more responsive than spontaneous and scheduling can actually help them.

Once you start having sex routinely and you make it a priority in your marriage, you often find that you really miss it when you get out of the routine and it actually becomes more spontaneous and fulfilling and *addictive* as you continue.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Enchantment,
This is our routine as well. It is fair and balanced.





Enchantment said:


> We've never had set days where we had to have sex on a particular day. We do, however, loosely follow an "every x number of days" rule where x is the outside allowable limit (barring things such as illness or being separated for some reason). x has varied over the course of our marriage. In the beginning x was like 1 or 2. Now, it's usually 7 - 14 days as an outside limit. If it's falling off past that, then we start to look at what's going on more closely - anymore it usually ends up being something physical/health-related going on that is having a negative impact ... and typically it's me that's falling
> apart.
> 
> I don't think scheduling is bad if you are both on board with it. You can also loosely schedule where each partner takes 3 days and can initiate during those days and the other has the remaining days to initiate. That allows a little more flexibility. But both people need to be on board and willing to do it, just like if you decide to try a "never say no" policy - which we have also done at various points.
> ...


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