# BS's who left/were left - is your life better?



## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

I thought I was happy. Really, I didn't know what happiness was. I was just going through the motions. When my WW left, I was devastated. When I learned of her affair 4 days later, I was further devastated. When we decided to try R, I was miserable.

When I ended the R and booted her out, I was relieved.

Now, 3 months after I ended the R, I am truly happy. I still have painful moments, like when my little girl draws pictures of the entire family as it once was - and I know she longs for her mom and dad to be together, with she and her brother (getting choked now).

When I first moved in with my stbxw back in 1998, I ended up with crippling anxiety that f*cked me up to the point of having to go on Zoloft. I've been off of it pretty much since I kicked her out. Astonishing. I also haven't had to use my asthma inhaler since we ended it.

I am now seeing a wonderful, gorgeous woman who is the polar opposite of my ex. Positive, vibrant, intelligent, confident, sweet and cultured. And not tattooed. 

I can say in all honesty, even with the carnage her betrayal left in its wake, I am happier than I've ever been.

Anyone else experience something similar? And conversely, is anyone just plain miserable since you've split?

Thanks friends.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

One of the secrets of a happy life is getting rid of the things that cause you to be unhappy. You have discovered this secret on your own, Grasshopper. :smthumbup:


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

The-Deceived said:


> I thought I was happy. Really, I didn't know what happiness was. I was just going through the motions. When my WW left, I was devastated. When I learned of her affair 4 days later, I was further devastated. When we decided to try R, I was miserable.
> 
> When I ended the R and booted her out, I was relieved.
> 
> ...


I like to tell people I lived with a chronic pain for nearly 20 years. How did I get rid of it? I divorced her.

At first I was lost as I loved her deeply. But when the fog lifted, I have been very happy. M ore so than ever before. All the drama and garbage is gone. Lifted from my shoulders.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> I like to tell people I lived with a chronic pain for nearly 20 years. How did I get rid of it? I divorced her.
> 
> At first I was lost as I loved her deeply. But when the fog lifted, I have been very happy. M ore so than ever before. All the drama and garbage is gone. Lifted from my shoulders.


I hope I get there. It's been a little over a month for me and some days are still really hard.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> One of the secrets of a happy life is getting rid of the things that cause you to be unhappy. You have discovered this secret on your own, Grasshopper. :smthumbup:


:smthumbup:


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> I like to tell people I lived with a chronic pain for nearly 20 years. How did I get rid of it? I divorced her.
> 
> At first I was lost as I loved her deeply. But when the fog lifted, I have been very happy. M ore so than ever before. All the drama and garbage is gone. Lifted from my shoulders.


Love to read this.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

bravenewworld said:


> I hope I get there. It's been a little over a month for me and some days are still really hard.


You will. It's really early days for you.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I left my first husband who was a serial cheating drunk, and my life is a helluva lot better today than it possibly could have been had I stayed. The only reason I stayed with him as long as I did (13 years) was because I left home to move across the country with him when I was 16 and I was gonna SHOW everyone that I had NOT made a mistake!!


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> I left my first husband who was a serial cheating drunk, and my life is a helluva lot better today than it possibly could have been had I stayed. The only reason I stayed with him as long as I did (13 years) was because I left home to move across the country with him when I was 16 and I was gonna SHOW everyone that I had NOT made a mistake!!


Ahhh, youth.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Am I better? Yes. Do I miss what I thought he was? Yes. But that was a lie. And I remind myself when I get nostalgic.

I don't have anxiety any more. I only have it when I know he's coming over to see the kids. Then I realize what I've lived with for 5 years.

It was all a lie. I mourn what I THOUGHT was a marriage...a man...a lover...it was all pretend. *POOF* gone.

The house is more peaceful...that's for damn sure.


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## S4E (Apr 13, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> At first I was lost as I loved her deeply. But when the fog lifted, I have been very happy. M ore so than ever before. All the drama and garbage is gone. Lifted from my shoulders.


This entire post gives me hope. I have been "on the fence" for over 2 years. My wifes brutal affair was over 10 years ago but the memories and triggers were always there and even though she's been a good wife and I know she's not the same person, she is the person who did this to me. I'm sad because we have a lot in common and I believe she has been faithful... But I need to move on for me. We've had an in-hose seperation for about 10 weeks now, and I'm moving out in a couple weeks to try a seperation living somewhere else so I don't have the guilt of seeing her everyday when I know she does not want this...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The-Deceived said:


> When I first moved in with my stbxw back in 1998, I ended up with crippling anxiety that f*cked me up to the point of having to go on Zoloft. I've been off of it pretty much since I kicked her out. Astonishing. I also haven't had to use my asthma inhaler since we ended it.


I'm confused. You had to take Zoloft from the very start to even be able to stay with your wife? 

There's a life lesson in here. If you need to be doped up to stay with a person, it's not a good match. 

Things like anxiety are not always a bad thing. They are often telling you that something is not right.


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## S4E (Apr 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I'm confused. You had to take Zoloft from the very start to even be able to stay with your wife?
> 
> There's a life lesson in here. If you need to be doped up to stay with a person, it's not a good match.
> 
> Things like anxiety are not always a bad thing. They are often telling you that something is not right.


:iagree: Such an intelligent woman!


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I'm confused. You had to take Zoloft from the very start to even be able to stay with your wife?
> 
> There's a life lesson in here. If you need to be doped up to stay with a person, it's not a good match.
> 
> Things like anxiety are not always a bad thing. They are often telling you that something is not right.


Yes, you are correct.

And tell me about it! I honestly never realized what was going on until after d-day with my body. Quite something.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Yes it is so much better. The part that is difficult for me is when I remember how good things were at the beginning of my marriage. I miss those days and I miss the man he used to be. I still get anxious when I know I have to see him when he visits the kids (we live in different states now) but other than that, all the drama, the wondering what was wrong, his unwillingess to at least give an attempt to work things out remind me that my life is so much better now without being married to him.

After I had made my decision is when he brought up that "maybe" this wasn't the best thing for the kids and our family after all, but by then I had made up my mind and was done! Too late.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

I lived with my xw for about a year after I found out about her betrayal. I finally paid her first months rent to convince her to move out. 10 minutes after she was gone I felt a wave of relief pass thru me. I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't had moments when I missed her or got nostalgic, I have. Part of the reason I stay on this forum is to remind myself of the hell she put me through (whenever those nostalgic moments arise). I'm now dating a wonderful woman (1 1/2 years) and wouldn't have it any other way. Would I ever want my xw back? Hehe, lol. Never !!!! I'm so much happier now. 

Years ago my xw was into reading about causes of medical conditions. I had some psoriasis that I'd been dealing with for several years. She looked it up in her book and the cause was anxiety. Funny, she moved out and so did the psoriasis.

I still get anxious when I take my daughter to the xw house knowing I may have to see her or her new hubby (OM). But that will be over as soon as my daughter gets her drivers license (soon).

But yes, my life is so much better. No more worrying about betrayal, no more trust issues, no more financial problems, etc. I truly am so much happier.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

cantdecide said:


> I lived with my xw for about a year after I found out about her betrayal. I finally paid her first months rent to convince her to move out. 10 minutes after she was gone I felt a wave of relief pass thru me. I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't had moments when I missed her or got nostalgic, I have. Part of the reason I stay on this forum is to remind myself of the hell she put me through (whenever those nostalgic moments arise). I'm now dating a wonderful woman (1 1/2 years) and wouldn't have it any other way. Would I ever want my xw back? Hehe, lol. Never !!!! I'm so much happier now.
> 
> Years ago my xw was into reading about causes of medical conditions. I had some psoriasis that I'd been dealing with for several years. She looked it up in her book and the cause was anxiety. Funny, she moved out and so did the psoriasis.
> 
> ...


Hey - are you sure you're not me?


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

I'm thinking with cheaters its an uphill struggle to regain the lost respect they had for you, and probably in most cases it's impossible. 

It seems more and more clear once that forbidden fruit gets a bite, it sounds the death knell for the marriage in the majority of cases. And from what I've read here it seems most often that people just put it on life support to delay the inevitable.

That would explain why so many BSs are happy when its over.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

The original question -YES, my life is BETTER!!!!

The negatives:

There are 20+ years of marriage, so there were lots of fond memories.

Finances took a HUGE hit. Lost a house due to a default by the ex. Credit is still on the mend.

My younger of two sons had a hard time talking to or wanting to be with me. He is 19. He is now living away from his mother, and is begining to re-establish a relationship with me.

I miss most of my former in-laws and their family. It is difficult to be chummy with the exWW support system.

The positives:

A MUCH better wife, three new stepkids that make my life full, GREAT new in-laws, tons of new friends, and a smile that all of my family says they missed.

Life is so good when there is mutal respect, trust, and love. 

You don't know what you are missing, until you finally get it.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Op my life is better than it was before dday that's for sure. The divorce process sucked but not having my wayward xw as my spouse has proven to be a big plus. Not sure if I will ever marry again but am not interested now. That is creating some issues with new gf but that's a different issue. 

Bottom line for me . Divorce sucked but was so worth the effort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Some days, my life is in a toilet.

I question why, what did I not have, what did I do, what could I have done differently? What did he have? Why wasn't I good enough? 
And then that leads to me getting angry. And that leads to me either hitting things, or getting drunk. Or both. 

Other days, it is great. 
And I remember, I am now free. I can do whatever I want now. And I don't need anyone's permission nor do I need to tell anyone where I am going. 
I don't have to pay for all her crap anymore. Like her phone, her car insurance, her 45 minute long showers, etc. 
I can eat what I want, when I want. I can buy what I want. 
I have more free time Instead of listening to XW complain about her boss, I can go in my backyard and draw, or smoke a cigar and read the paper on my Saturday afternoons. 

For me right now though, it is a matter of trying to have the number of good days outnumber the number of bad days I have in a week. 
Still getting there.


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