# smothing my husband how to stop???



## tryingtochange (Jun 4, 2013)

I have been smothing my hubby now that our oldest two sons have moved out and our last one is a senior with a car ..i feel no one needs me anymore. So he wants to hang out with friends more and includes me and i just go and act like I am bored with these people and it really has nothing to do with them...I just get this fear that he will find them more interesting than me...mind you we have been together for 20 years so i think this has something to do with empty nesting but i also have been staying home watching tv and avoiding my friends...not sure why and help or suggestion would be greatly appreicated cause I really love him and want to keep him


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Might be helpful for you to talk to a therapist. Sounds like you're in a funk because you've lost your identity. Your husband is embracing kid free life and you are threatened by it. That fear makes you needy and it stops you from having your own fun.


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## tryingtochange (Jun 4, 2013)

I think you hit the nail on the head...


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Might be helpful for you to talk to a therapist. Sounds like you're in a funk because you've lost your identity. Your husband is embracing kid free life and you are threatened by it. That fear makes you needy and it stops you from having your own fun.


:iagree:


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

But do so with the support of your hubby as you don't want to get lost and stray.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

What does smothing mean?


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## tryingtochange (Jun 4, 2013)

yes i sat down with him last night and we talked and it went great. He is a wonderful man i just need to find some kind of hobby to devote some time to instead of acting like every living moment must be spent with him...


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Holland said:


> What does smothing mean?


Smothering.


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## tryingtochange (Jun 4, 2013)

sorry i am not the best speller...lol


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Don't be sorry, I thought it might have been a cultural term or local way of saying something. 
Anyway I am happy for you that you have found your answer. It is always good to have some of your own interests.


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## jerseygirl123 (Jun 1, 2013)

You need an outlet. My husband has abandonment issues, and I get smothered. It's not pleasant going everywhere with him.

You really need to let him have free time.I made a rule that I get a minimum of 9 hours alone a week. 

You might benefit from a creative outlet, perhaps at the same time your husband wishes to leave. Maybe some sort of class or a garden? I have a huge garden and love to take photographs. It gives me free time.

Have you thought about why you watch so much tv and avoid your friends? That's a sign of depression. You really should have a check up with your family doctor. 

You probably could also benefit from pleasant times with your husband, such as going for walks or dinner and a movie. 

I am sure that you will work through this with your hubby. Good luck!


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## tryingtochange (Jun 4, 2013)

we tried to talk again but he just keep going backwards not forwards...we have never had any major problems in our marriage but he keeps bringing up old stuff and basically we ended with last night he is a bad communicater and i am a bad listener..talked again again this morning cause i did not want to go to work mad and feel better.


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