# I'm not in love with him!



## LadyRider (Aug 20, 2012)

I've been with my boyfriend 5 months now. He's a great guy, he treats me very well. The problem is, I'm not in love with him. He's done nothing wrong; I simply just don't "feel it". Sometimes I feel I should hold out a little longer and see, but at the same time, if I'm not in love with him by now, will I ever be?

How long did it take for you to be in love?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tell him what you just told us.

Let him down gently, absorb his anger, and move on.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Please, please, please do what Bandit said. For the sake of both of you!


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## LadyRider (Aug 20, 2012)

Any advice on letting someone down easy?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

After 5 months, there should definitely be sparks.

I had sparks and "felt it" the first week. Fell in love over time...but at 5 months we were all we could see.

SO he's not the one for you. It happens. Move on.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I do not think there is a way. It is always a rough go but you know what they say about loving and losing vs. never loving at all.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

You need to let him go. You can't string someone on because on how you might feel in the future. The future is never guaranteeing. It is extremely unlikely that if you do not love him now that you won't love him then.

I don't believe in letting someone down easy. I don't think there is such a way. In my own experience, I found that they tend to hold out hope that eventually my own feelings will change.

That said, there is a difference between letting someone down easy and doing it tactfully. Make sure he knows that there is no chance in the future so he can get on with his life.


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## LadyRider (Aug 20, 2012)

This is the first guy I've officially dated since my divorce one and a half years ago. We seemed to hit it off in the beginning as we had things in common, so I gave it a try. Now, 5 months later, I still don't feel any sparks. I'm not even sure what he feels for me as he has not expressed any verbal feelings for me.


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## LadyRider (Aug 20, 2012)

Thanks for the great advice, everyone. I hate the thought of hurting him as he is a good man. He never did me wrong. But, I can't help it if I never fell in love with him. It would be unfair to the both of us for me to stay.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Just let it go. It's ok. Seriously. It's called dating. No one is the bad guy. It just happens. Find someone who knocks your socks off...and he is out there


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

You can't help the way that you feel. That's part of dating. Sometimes, the person will hit it out of the park; others, no. Dating is like an audition. You need to go throw people until a person fits the part


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yup and don't settle for someone who is "just nice" or "decent". Find a man who wants you so badly it hurts.  And whom you want just as much.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Yeah, what are you dragging this out for?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

LadyRider said:


> Thanks for the great advice, everyone. I hate the thought of hurting him as he is a good man. He never did me wrong. But, I can't help it if I never fell in love with him. It would be unfair to the both of us for me to stay.


He'll hurt....for a while. 

But then he'll get over it and move on. 

Just level with him. He will be hurt, but he won't hold it against you if you are honest.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LadyRider said:


> Any advice on letting someone down easy?


"I really like you and think you are a good man but this isn't working for me. I think it's best we call our relationship off."

Be honest, don't string him along, don't give him hope for the future. 

The best thing you can do is be respectful enough to let him go and not string him along.



LadyRider said:


> This is the first guy I've officially dated since my divorce one and a half years ago. We seemed to hit it off in the beginning as we had things in common, so I gave it a try. Now, 5 months later, I still don't feel any sparks. I'm not even sure what he feels for me as he has not expressed any verbal feelings for me.


I was in your EXACT situation--divorced for a year and a half and met a great guy, dated a few months, but realized it wasn't gonna work. 

Why do you feel you need to be "in love" so soon after a divorce? Dude, this guy is your rebound (no offense). Why the rush? 

Either you have a spark or you don't. And you don't. And there is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is to prolong the inevitable. If by month 5 you feel nothing, cut it off. 



that_girl said:


> Just let it go. It's ok. Seriously. *It's called dating. No one is the bad guy. It just happens*.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> He'll hurt....for a while.


Or maybe he won't. Maybe he also feels it ain't workin and is too nice to cut it off. It does happen.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

LadyRider said:


> I hate the thought of hurting him as he is a good man. He never did me wrong.


You are thinking about it the wrong way. 

You should be thinking that you are doing the best thing for the both of you. The honest thing and the thing that will save both of you from more pain later on. Its not going to get easier.

It doesnt have to be melodrama. Just get together and say it isnt working. Hopefully, it will go easier than you expect. If not... deal with it and as everyone is saying... move on and let it go. The world isnt going to end - you are both adults.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Let that fish go. He'll find someone that will appreciate him for who he is. & You are free to find someone more compatible with satisfying your feelings.

Time to go fishin' honey.


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## LadyRider (Aug 20, 2012)

Thanks for all the great advice. What everyone says makes a lot of sense. He is a good man and he certainly does deserve someone who can appreciate him in the way a woman should appreciate her man. 

I just was not that woman. I will miss his company but I want and need someone who will rock my socks off.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Also, don't expect to fall in love with every man you date. That is silly. It's just dating! You just came out of a marriage, what's the rush? Date, get to know what you like/dislike and learn about yourself, etc. No pressure.

Falling in love isn't something that happens every day (at least, not for me).


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I can visualize you as a woman that does not like confrontation.. or at least avoids being the one to start it. (maybe I'm wrong.. but seems like you just don't want to hurt a nice guy.)

Take a deep breath... & go tell him that he's just not "the one" for you. You've really liked dating him.. You've thoroughly enjoyed time with him.. but..it's time to date someone else.

You've got to be your own advocate in this one. YOU'VE got to be the one to make the first step.. 

Step on to the road of life that you were meant to travel on. And eventually You will find your co-traveler that will make all the difference in how amazing that journey will be!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

is he rich? just joking!

If I was divorced I be out of there and looking for something special you will know it when it happens.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yup and don't settle for someone who is "just nice" or "decent". Find a man who wants you so badly it hurts.  And whom you want just as much.


Dreamer. Sorry, I had to write this. No offense, I am beyond that belief.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

It's been five months. Let him go. You're not into him. Let him be with someone who is, so that you can find someone who you are into.


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