# My Wife Cheated On Me - What Should I Do?



## jahmesh (Jan 13, 2011)

I caught my wife cheating on me two days before Christmas. In late November, we were arguing all the time about her going out. She works late nights as a server and then goes out with her friends. While I'm laying in bed while our children sleep, she is going out. This pissed me off enough to finally tell her after six years of marriage, that I did not condone her choices. I explained to her that I did not feel this was appropriate behavior for a married woman. She accused me of not trusting her. I told her that I did not trust other men or people's actions under the influence of alcohol. I also expressed to her that I did not want my wife out until 2:00 AM at bars and clubs. Eventually, I let go and gave her the space she wanted.

Well, I found her passed out drunk in front of the computer at 5:00 AM in front of the computer on Dec 23. She was having sex chat on Facebook. I quickly realized that she and her co-worker had been together at my own house two nights earlier and he touched and kissed her on the neck inappropriately. I even woke up because I heard voices in the house that night. They weren't doing anything then and my wife walked me back to bed reassuring me that he was helping her wrap gifts. This was a friend who had been to my home several times for parties, dinner, and social gatherings. i trusted my wife, so I went back to sleep. Then they drank some more, and while watching a movie, he kissed her neck and put his hands down her pants. I'm sure you get the picture. She stopped him and told him to leave after a few minutes. However, the next night they went to a bar together and then she came home and had the sex chat. They were making detailed plans to meet after work and have sex the next night. My wife tells me that she was drunk and just heavily flirting. She says she enjoyed the attention and the fantasy. She has cried and apologized and even swore on our kids that she never would have done it, even had I not caught her. She begged me not to leave and says she will do whatever it takes for me to trust her again. I still don't know if I believe her. I love my wife so much and I know she loves me too. I am so HURT right now. This guy and I even exchanged text messages and he told me that it was stupid drunken behavior. He apologized profusely and offered to explain any details I wished to know. It still bothers me to think that my wife was going to have sex with another man and that she violated our home and marriage while myself and the kids slept two rooms away. I want to believe her when she says she would have never done it, but I don't know what to think anymore. Please help.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

well, to be honest, when someone gets upset with you about not trusting them and at the same time she is doing things that are violating your trust then the issue isn't the things she did. The issue is the duplicity. For example, if she happened to, on a lark, get herself in a compromised position, and you busted her then she could explain what happened and perhaps you believe her. However, when you were already suspicious of her lifestyle, confronted her, and she basically told you to take a flying leap in the "how dare you don't trust me" type of way...only to be carrying on with someone(s) else all the while then you've got some serious problems. You are right not to forgive and forget so easily.

She was lying to you BEFORE she got busted. That tells you all you need to know. If she wants - truly wants - your marriage then she'll not go out after work and/or get a different job at more normal hours.

This isn't about what's easy or convenient (why would I give up a perfectly good job?), this is about doing what needs to be done to preserve and repair a marriage.

The worst thing you can do is accept her apology and trust that this is over. If you do that you will be hurt even more down the road because for however good a person she is you will have taugght her she can get away with this behavior.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

A woman who is happy in her marriage isn't staying out late drinking, inviting guys over for drinks and "gift wrapping" and having sex chats.

While I think you need to watch what she is doing and have her get out of a job that puts her out late at night, you also have to look at yourself and see why the marriage is where it is.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Married wives clubbing without their husbands. It blows me away that I'm the only one with problems with this. 6 Years of this? How many men has she met? Partied with? Danced with? Slow dances? Little kisses on the dance floor? Strap her to a lie detector and find out what REALLY went on while she was partying at the meat markets all of those nights. Please report back. It will be an eye opener for everyone (but me).

Even the RARE woman that goes out to the clubs with innocent intentions is exposing herself to sexual temptation EVERY NIGHT. 6 years of it? 

Good luck, man. It's probably worse than you fear.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

If I were you, I would divorce her! 

Excuses, excuses, excuses! 

No matter how desperate she wants other men's attention, a married woman has to know she is married, her husband is the one she should respect. Flirting with other men shows a big sign of not respecting the husband unless she doesn't care about her relationship anymore!


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