# So frustrated with parenting dynamic



## Bumblebee42 (15 d ago)

Looking for advice here….parents of a 22 month old angel boy (our first and likely only which is not my choice but my husband’s) and our parenting dynamic is very unequal.

For context; I was on leave for 18 months which was great and as such I did nearly 100% of the childcare AND house duties. I cleaned, cooked and did all of the child care. Honestly I was happy to do it because I was off and it felt like my contribution while my husband worked, but I did tell him this was temporary. This extended to the entire 6 months where our babe woke every two hours at night; I took every single waking, my husband took none.

Now I am back to work and hubby now works part time for now but will be full time again soon. For awhile he was doing a great job at taking on at least an equal share of the load considering I was now
working but it only lasted a few weeks and he is right back to doing next to nothing to actually care for our child. He loves him like crazy and is happy to hang out and play with him but when it comes to feeding him, diapers, bedtime etc it generally still comes down to me.

I got sick a few days ago and yesterday things really too a turn. I could barely function. My husband had no choice but to care for our toddler nearly all day. Today? Miraculously my husband is even MORE sick than me and can do nothing…and I’m so frustrated. This happens every single time I’m sick or get time to myself in any regard….it’s like my husband gets jealous and demands the same time back. I believe he thinks he is sick but I can almost guarantee he isn’t. It feels like whenever I get anything for myself (even time to recover from a horrendous flu) I HAVE to pay it back. And to be honest it’s really making it hard to respect my husband and wearing on my affection for him.

I have tried to have a constructive conversation and was told I’m an asshole. What do I do here? I’m so sick of doing everything….even now that I’m working full time and he isn’t I’m expected to do every single thing. I’d almost rather be single….but I do love him. Help.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

Hi OP, I'm sorry you are here. If he won't have a constructive conversation with you about it, I would tell him you are going to schedule an appointment with an MC to help the two of you work through these issues. And stick to your guns about it, tell him he won't work work through this in good faith so you're going to enlist some help to mediate, and you expect him to attend and participate in good faith. 

If he refuses or won't participate in good faith then that's when things can really get difficult, but give that a try before you assume the worst. Good luck.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Can you afford help?

If not, there are sites like workaway.info where, in exchange for room and board, a person (or group of people) could come help you. 🙂


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

It's called nature. Sorry the feminists lied to you. A 22 month old seldom wants the father anyway. 
My 21 month old only sleeps on my wife - she has the breast milk. He's far more chilled out around her and she does most of everything for him - her choice.


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