# How can I last longer?



## scofield (Nov 24, 2017)

Hi everyone!

I'm freshly new here, so I'm glad I've found you.

I have a problem I would like advice on, but to analyse it properly I need to go back in the past and get to its roots. Sorry if I will write too much.

I'm 29 now. When I was about 14 I discovered masturbation. Between the age of 15 and 23 I was probably doing it 19 days out of 20 and sometimes even for 2 or 3 times a day. I was addicted to it. It sent me in a comfort zone and I have never ever felt the need of chasing or trying to attract a girl just for sex. Unfortunately this was a bad thing (from my point of view). I think you need to be desperate in your teens, so you go out and meet the opposite sex, flirt, socialise, etc., in order to grow into a fine person, to have a strong character and high self-confidence. I have barely done that. I was staying around the house, happy with my computer games, with 2-3 friends coming around, with others chatting and flirting online through MSN and with my wanking times every night before going to bed. Do not get me wrong, I was almost always sort of in love with or attracted by someone, but until late I have never gone the extra mile in order to have that many relationships or a serious relationship. 

Until I was 17 I had about 5 “childish” relationships. Between 17 and 23 I have had only 1 “serious” relationship of 4 months and about 7 relationships of 1-2 months. I had sex with only 2 girls and “play times” with other 2. What affected my love life and short relationships was that the girl I stayed with for 4 months happened first and she had a huge impact on me. I kept dreaming of being with her again, of hoping that she will break up with her boyfriend because she wants me back. So I compared all the other girls after her with her and have never been truly happy. I was obsessed with her although we have never been intimate. I kept masturbating during all this time. I was never into hard core porn movies or anything … I liked only amateur videos, real couples. I suppose because I was always dreaming about my perfect relationship on all plans. 

Close after my 23rd birthday I left my country for England. At almost 25 I have got into a relationship for the first time again and it lasted for 2.5 years. After splitting up I have had a hard time finding myself again and I took a “break” until after I turned 29. I have been with my current partner (one day she will be my wife, I hope) for 8 months now. We’ve met online. We chatted for a while, I visited her for a weekend, then I stayed at her’s for 2 weeks and within 2 months we’ve moved in together. I moved to Amsterdam to be with her. 

Things are running well, but the sex life started to go on a steep downhill slope. I have a huge problem: once I get to know the girl and I am completely in love with her, I just want to finish in her. I cannot concentrate, I am thinking only about orgasm, about how good it feels to be inside her, about how much I like her moans. It’s like all my senses are getting 10 times more intense. Therefore I only last for about 2 minutes and sometimes for maximum 4-5 minutes. This never happened with my short relationships. Or at the start of my long ones. For example with my ex I was lasting very long for minimum 2 months at the start, for like 1 hour without finishing. But I did not really love her that much then. After completely falling for her, I would lose it and last for maximum 5 minutes. The same happens with my wife to be. In the first weekend I visited her I have not finished in under 25minutes. When I stayed over for 2 weeks I was doing well also. It was so easy for both of us to achieve orgasms together back then. Now, after moving in, my resistance started to drop and drop every time. This is frustrating as she can achieve orgasm just through oral now. Our sex life was un****ingbelievable at the start. It was what I always dreamed of.

Now she is holding back from sex because she feels used, she feels like I use her for sex, that I see her as a sex toy and do not care about getting her satisfied, that I only care about myself and about me finishing asap. This is not true. I could do her oral for hours if she needed it, I would do anything for her. Is just that I cannot last once I’m in her. I just love the feeling it gives me and I really cannot take my mind away from it. Since we decided that we are going to try to have a baby is even worse, I just want to finish in her because of the end feeling of achievement. Even if I masturbate prior to starting action I still last very little. The curious thing is that my penis is still hard for good minutes (5 or even 10 sometimes) after having orgasm. The problem is that once I’m done she won’t want any more, because she says it’s not the same. 

I don’t know how to perform better. What I noticed is:

-if I use a condom I last way longer; sometimes I cannot even finish. She doesn’t like using protection because she doesn’t feel much excitation, so no help here

-I just love the feeling of being with her, in her and I cannot take my mind away from it, no matter what I think of ... dead people, zombies, all the crap in the world. I loose it as soon as I hear her moans again or see how sexy she is

-I think all this problem is related to my masturbation period, to loving the feeling of having orgasms and because when I lived with my parents I always rushed up so no one would catch me. I would have to masturbate in 2-3 minutes, so I got used to short periods to achieve orgasm and I am very sensitive now

-I thing I am addicted to orgasms like others are addicted to drugs, and I last longer at the beginning of a relationship because I am not used to the person, but once her moans, moves and smell get impregnated in my brain I lose control of my senses way too easily

-If I masturbate before sex I lose my appetite and sometimes if I finish for more than 2 times in a day I get pain in my testicles
*
Has anyone else experience something similar? Do you guys have any advice on how I can improve and last longer?*


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

All of us move and learn starting with masturbation. Whether or not we are hurried to finish so to not "get caught", or simply because masturbation only considers ourselves and our own sexual goals, we typically learn to orgasm quickly. 

You're sure not alone in this. A lot of men have to learn to last longer when starting to have sex with their wives. Their brains have been "wired" to a fast progression and the stimulation takes them "over the edge" without much control over it.

A good and satisfying sex relationship for a married couple takes practice and unselfishness on the part of both people. Many guys find that the progression to their orgasm is within 5 minutes following penetration. Slowing down, using "outercourse" (where the penis strokes her vulva and clitoris but is not vaginally inserted) can lower the stimulation rate for the man while providing more stimulation for the woman. 

There is a practice that's recommended often called "she comes first". He gives her an orgasm or two through manual and/or oral stimulation, then penetrates her and finishes.

https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=pd_cp_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=V7BERWBZ67MHTPKQTAKC

These all require the cooperation of the woman. If the woman makes demands for a certain progression of sex, it can make things very difficult to ever achieve change.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

First things first, stop playing with it now. Your masturbation habits have trained your brain to climax too quickly. 

Second, know what is true and what is blarney... A 2008 survey of Canadian and American sex therapists stated that the average time for heterosexual intercourse (coitus) was 7 minutes and that 1 to 2 minutes was too short, 3 to 7 minutes was adequate and 7 to 13 minutes desirable, while 13 to 30 minutes was too long.

Here is a proven method that will correct your situation, but you'll have to retrain your brain. It's not a hard read. "Lasting Longer": by Sy Silverberg M.D

Good luck


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I should also add that your doctor can help. Antidepressant drugs of the SSRI (Selective-Serotonin-Reuptake-Inhibitor) class can be successfully used to help "lasting longer".

Examples of this drug class are Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, Lexapro, and others. These drugs are prescribed by the millions and are tolerated well.


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## DaveinOC (Oct 15, 2017)

tenderize the meat an hour or two before use. I've heard adult film stars use this method (or even go as far as actually ejaculating, the downside is sometimes 2nd time isnt as hard as the first so they cant jack hammer away). I haven't really "prepped" for sex before so I can't speak from experience, BUT in my youth, the times I was "force stopped" due to someone walking in, then continuing later on, it did seem like I could last longer.

good luck!


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Well for one I think you could start to focus on her instead of yourself. Go down on her, finger her, play with her, engage in foreplay, make out longer, kiss longer, grope more, etc. etc. A problem that I sometimes have is that I start out trying to make sure she cums first. So sometimes I have trouble myself because I have waited too long. Eventually I do, and that just makes it more enjoyable, because I get to drive her that much more over the edge until I do.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

Have you tried a c0ck ring?


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

I noticed this has got much easier as I have gotten older (now 38). Not sure if this is the same for everyone. I remember letting it consume me when I was younger. Now I feel like I can control it completely 95% of the time selecting when. Someone already recommended "she comes first" awesome book. Focus on foreplay more to get her going and take the focus away from penetration. How confident are you? Get used to the idea that you are a ****ing stud and you know how to please a woman (fake it till you make it). Sometimes she may not want to go all the way with you and thats ok so don't put all the pressure on yourself to "perform" If she wants one she can work with you to get there. Like someone else said you need a willing participant. You should be able to talk to her about this, why its bothering you , and what you would like to do to try and get past it. As a couple.....


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Lidocaine.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

until you learn how to control yourself you can try jackin' it earlier in the day or you can just do your quickie thing and get it over with and then have sex again immediately afterwards.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

"We were so poor when I was a kid that if I wasn't born a boy I wouldn't have had nuthin' to play with." Redd Fox


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Have intercourse multiple times, one after the other.

I'm 60 and the last time we made love we did it six times in a two hour session.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

yea, there's no rule you can only have sex just one time a night. so what if you cum too fast one time? just start going at it again.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I am a woman....If a man took an hour to cum, i would dump him fast. Young men cum fast. In our marriage, we handled this by having sex twice. The first time was a warm up for me and a release for him. The second time, he was slower and concentrated on making sure I was satisfied. I think your partner feeling used is more about how you approach her and deal with the fast orgasm vs. her needs. (though I am not sure why she wants to have a baby with a man who is using her as a sex toy....that does not bode well.)

You are over thinking it, imo. I do think you have wired your brain to only think about dessert with all the masturbation. Stop thinking of your performance and how long it takes, and spend a little more time thinking of your partner's needs. And yeah, two times is a charm.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

NickyT said:


> I am a woman....If a man took an hour to cum, i would dump him fast.


ok but what if the dude likes the feeling of being inside so much that they don't want to cum?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> I'm 60 and the last time we made love we did it six times in a two hour session.


:allhail:


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

toblerone said:


> ok but what if the dude likes the feeling of being inside so much that they don't want to cum?


 If he is going to pound away on a woman for an hour he is flat out selfish and borderline abusive. That's what I think. Maybe other women disagree. Vaginal tissue is not made of industrial grade polymers.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

NickyT said:


> Vaginal tissue is not made of industrial grade polymers.


we have the technology!


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

NickyT said:


> If he is going to pound away on a woman for an hour he is flat out selfish and borderline abusive. That's what I think. Maybe other women disagree. Vaginal tissue is not made of industrial grade polymers.


No but seriously the next time sex seems like a possibility with my wife I'll ask her if she wants me to cum quicker. On the other hand, when we do have sex, its like 2 or 3 times in a row and she always ready for round 2 or 3 or 4.

I know she's complained in the past about it being pretty sore down there for a couple days afterwards.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

toblerone said:


> No but seriously the next time sex seems like a possibility with my wife I'll ask her if she wants me to cum quicker. On the other hand, when we do have sex, its like 2 or 3 times in a row and she always ready for round 2 or 3 or 4.
> 
> I know she's complained in the past about it being pretty sore down there for a couple days afterwards.


I have asked my wife if I should cum quicker or slower. She looked at me like I had three heads. 

Thing is, I have excellent control... in either direction. I can launch in 30 seconds or I can keep thrusting for 30 minutes. Whatever it takes. Since she's not at all demonstrative (her orgasms, that is when they actually occur, are all but completely imperceptible). So it's very difficult to tell if it was over too quick or if I've overstayed my welcome. 

Since I was having difficulty figuring out how I was doing in the duration department according to her desires, I asked. 

She said she "doesn't think in those terms."

????

You don't care how long it takes? There's not some minimum time you'd expect to make it worth your while or some upper limit beyond which you've lost interest? 

She just want's me to do it "naturally" and not worry about whether or not I've satisfied her. Indeed, the very concept of consciously affecting duration seemed quite alien and incomprehensible to her. 

Oh, the irony. I have a strong desire to please my wife first, before worrying about myself, _and _I trained myself to be adaptable and serviceable, and I end up with a woman who doesn't care about such things. :scratchhead:


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

If she has noticed your 'cum quick' and dump and its started to bother her then you can try:

1) Acknowledging for her that you are cumming quicker than you want and you arent proud of it.. infact, you want to be able to pleasure her and enjoy the moment more
2) You can ask her to participate in the start-stop technique with you. You can find it all over the internet as one of the techniques to try... basically she brings you close to orgasm and you tell her to stop before you pop... wait 20-30 seconds, then do it all over again.. after 15 minutes you finish. Apparently it builds your resistance to premature ejaculation... Its very enjoyable with a partner too... just make sure she is onboard and knows there is a end-goal and its aligned with her desire to feel more


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

OP, don't overthink it. Also whatever you do don't listen to your friends. I say this because once the beers start flowing and guys start talking sex everybody is a stud. I had a friend swear up and down that he had sex with his girlfriend for 21 straight hours. Whatever, he wouldn't have had any skin left on his unit if that were the case. If you're quick on the draw the first time, reset with more foreplay and give it another go. You should be able to last longer the second time.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

scofield said:


> Hi everyone!
> 
> I'm freshly new here, so I'm glad I've found you.
> 
> ...




Simple.


The first time you will orgasm quickly, like most of us guys. Get that out of your system. Then the second time, you will last much longer.


Ever watched the movie "There's something about Mary"?


The guy relieves himself before they go out on a date. Reason is if they have sex, he can last a long time.


Try as I might, the first round of sex always results in me orgasming quickly, minutes but the second time, much longer.


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