# I can't be bothered to have sex any more



## Selina87 (Aug 20, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 2 and a half years.

Initially, we had sex all the time, and I couldn't get enough!

But over the past 6 months, my sex drive has been getting lower and lower, to the point where I now feel like I just can't be bothered with it.

My husband suffers from back pain, which can often make sex difficult. He struggles to be the one on top for very long, which means I end up on top pretty much every time. He also has problems with finishing quickly. Often, it turns him on too much when he is in control, so again, I end up on top a lot.

I can't finish easily when I am on the bottom, and in the past, I could just give myself a 'helping hand' and all was okay. But my husband enjoys it too much if I do this, so it is not something I can do if I have any hope of finishing.

I also find sex can often be quite painful, because he is always in a rush to be inside me, and it's not that easy for me to be ready.

I don't feel like I can talk about this to him, because his previous partner cheated on him on several occasions, and this has given him lots of mental issues particularly in relation to sex.

So I'm pretty much stuck!

I want to know if there is anyone out there that is like me, who can give me any advice. I want to get the passion back, and I do enjoy being on top, once we get going the sex is amazing! But it's every time, always the same.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

"I don't feel like I can talk about this to him, because his previous partner cheated on him on several occasions, and this has given him lots of mental issues particularly in relation to sex."

Sorry... but that's his problem to address. If he doesn't, you will just end up being resentful and not interested in sex. Then HE will be more resentful and you can see where this is headed.

Talk to him and if necessary, get a professional involved. Otherwise nothing will change.


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## Dave321 (Aug 4, 2010)

2.5 years not long.Did he have back pain before you to met,or did something happen while you two have been together?For one if he had this before you got married,that mean you new it going in to this.If something happen after you two been together well you new.You can't be bothered with sex now?If his back was fine and he could last,and you be on your back or bottom,then could you be bothered then?Back pain is hell and about 73-80% people suffer from it,thats very common.Now him rushing you well thats not right either.Tell him either to slow down or go empty.Time you start he done,no fun ,no fun.Well you two better start learning to talk to each other,or this is going to be a long ride down a short road.Take him to the doc's for the back pain,then move into the Marriage counseling.Listen your here cause you want help,that great...................Being married is sometime pulling all the weight,and sometime he's going to do the same.Put down your anger ,it will only shorten your life and make matters worst.You two can learn about making the sex,pulling the snake,spanking the weasel .That will be run and hard at the sometime.Why did you married him?Love,want to be his gal,thats the man i want,you care thats why you are here.If he that man for you then,be the wife for him.Go to counseling,I'm sure its free or cost low were ever your at.Start your life today.Go the path is hard,don't shrink or cheat yourself out of this man.Fined away.Hey being on top not that bad.I think it took a lot for you to come here and tell your story,and ask for help, don't stop now.Both of you need to shut the world out and take care of thing.You won't fine anythings if you give up when it gets tough.Your not stuck.There is no quick fixes in life............Stand tall.You two pull together,not Sept.Marriage isn't a weekend bag or when it get hard.Lots good peole here.Start reading the posts.:scratchhead::smthumbup:


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## Selina87 (Aug 20, 2010)

Yeah, he has had a back problem for years, he went to physio but it didn't help at all.

The sex issue is a difficult one. It's not that it's not good when we get going, but it is a little frustrating when me being on top is the only way we can have sex where I can feel free to enjoy myself.

It's hard when you can't make noise, 'help' myself along, or be seen to be enjoying it when he is on top, because it turns him on too much and it ends quickly. He has trouble when he is in control of the enjoyment.

Does anyone have any tips for how I could spice things up a bit where I am in control? Or any tips for making love with back pain?

I really want this to get better, I just don't know where to start!


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## pulse (Mar 24, 2010)

Selina87 said:


> -- it turns him on too much and it ends quickly. He has trouble when he is in control of the enjoyment.


I think I read somewhere that if you squeeze the end of the penis firmly it damps down over-excitement and so helps avoid premature ejaculation. Maybe you can try this next time he looks like finishing too quickly. Or if he tend to ejaculate before you even realise he is about to do so, discuss it with him and ask him to tell you before he reaches the point of no return so that you can apply this pressure.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A mixed blessing. There are women on this site who long for their husbands to show any sexual interest at all in them. You make your's spontaneously combust! I know if it's been several days since I've had sex, I reach the finish line sooner than I'd like. Increasing frequency might tune down his intensity. He could try wearing a condom (or maybe even two) to decrease his sensitivity.
Maybe if he stimulates you by other means and gets you closer to the finish line before he inserts, that could help. By all means, talk about it with him. I've been in relationships where I had little sexual attraction to my partner. Even after 8 years, I have always found my wife exceptionally sexy, no matter what she's doing, no matter what she's wearing. It's great to feel that way about your spouse. A guy can learn control techniques but I hope he always finds you that exciting! I wish every guy could think his wife was the sexiest woman on the planet. Sounds like yours does. 
I know you are upset and I hope I don't sound as if I'm making light of your pain. I think this one can be fixed fairly easily. After reading all these posts about sexless, disinterested spouses, it's kind of nice to read about a guy that turned on by his wife.


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