# The Importance of Foreplay



## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

I think that sometimes foreplay is not given enough attention.

I know that part of the reason I never desire sex with my spouse is the lack of foreplay. There is nothing happening to get me excited and turned on. I feel like foreplay is the way to initiate great sex.

Here are some things that are true for me. Maybe others could add their own do and don't tips.

*Asking for sex is not foreplay nor is it sexy. It is a turn off and makes the experience into a duty or a chore.
Don't ask, just initiate the experience.

*Immediately stripping your own clothes off and climbing in to bed is not foreplay nor does it build desire or anticipation in most women.
This can be rectified by doing it strip tease style and being in very good physical condition.
If your mate is very visual then just ripping your own clothes off may be welcome and exciting. Figure out what your partner likes.

*Going straight for the girly bits is not foreplay. Start with the neck instead.

*A massage could be considered PRE-foreplay. I think that you have to be careful with this one. It works well for some. For me, it makes me sleepy and not the least bit turned on. If you are going to massage make sure you follow up with some exciting foreplay to build desire.
If you are using massage or gentle touch as foreplay and your spouse is a "dead fish" then that is a clue that massage is NOT foreplay for her. 

*Laughter is actually a GOOD thing. I think often times we try to create a lovemaking experience and so we try to go all soft and sweet and tender. Laughter can be a great prelude to passion. 

*Pounce! I can't be the only one who enjoys being pounced on and gently mauled/nibbled/kissed on the neck and ears.

*Toss her around on the bed. Roll her around, bounce the bed, get things moving. 

*Sandwich her between you and the wall. So, so sexy. Lots of things you can do with this.

*If she is reading or on the computer in bed try this line, "You have 2 seconds to put that away so it won't get damaged when I ravage you." Say it with a ****y smile and confidence. Fun and hot. Start towards her so she knows you are serious...If she tests you do not be afraid to toss the book aside or move the computer for her. Then, you better ravage her!


Give me more ideas! I'll see if I can add more later.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

On any given day, my H and I engage is some type of 'foreplay' throughout the day:

* When he goes by me, he pinches or pats my bottom and gives me his 'wiggling' eyebrows

* When I'm at the sink, or in the laundry room, he corners me and rubs up against me, brushes my hair off my neck, and gives me a kiss on the neck

* Overall body massages also make me feel tired, but a foot massage works great for me. Sitting on the couch and having him rub, pinch,and kiss my feet is actually one of the surest ways for him to start to turn me on. He knows to go for my feet right away. 

* I am not as visual, but am more tactile. He has a hairy chest, so he'll sometimes strip off his shirt first before he rubs up against me when he corners me somewhere.

* I like it any time he grabs me and holds me by my hips. I like seeing his hands on my hips for some reason.

My husband and I have found that doing all sorts of these little things throughout the day works the best for us. I know that some people may like it rougher, but for some reason most of the time my H can't seem to do that with me. I guess we are more what I would call "savory" lovers. He's also a big flirt and has a quirky sense of humor, and some of his corny lines, jokes, and expressions also get me going. 

Since I am a lower drive than my H, he most often initates these little contacts. But, increasingly I have been able to also do these same kinds of things to him. However, since he is more visual, I more often just unbutton or flash him when he least expects it. I try to tease his visual senses, and he tries to tease my tactile senses.


----------



## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

Foreplay is a great way to prepare for orgasms. There are times when women achieve orgasms through foreplay alone.

One of the reasons that it may get neglected is because men find it boring and uninteresting yet it is an important part in making love.

It really takes a skilled lover to understand and practice this wonderful component of sex.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I agree with Enchantment, foreplay should be a constant. I think if I would have gone down that road earlier in my marriage I wouldn't be in the boat I'm in today.


----------



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Please guys keep more coming rolleyes... I can't be the only one who wants to cut and paste this thread and leave snippets of it pasted around the house? 

Plus, I think it would be good if -generalisation alert - men would remember the notion of pre-foreplay, and that the best sex starts lots earlier, probably nowhere near the bedroom, and IN THE BRAIN


----------



## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

madimoff said:


> Plus, I think it would be good if -generalisation alert - men would remember the notion of pre-foreplay, and that the best sex starts lots earlier, probably nowhere near the bedroom, and IN THE BRAIN



Yes. The brain is the most important sex organ. Stimulate it and you stimulate the honey pot. This is what foreplay does and that's why it's really key in improving your sex life with your partner.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Some women (my wife) detest foreplay and only want the act. I've asked why many times and never once got an answer.


----------



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

sinnister said:


> Some women (my wife) detest foreplay and only want the act. I've asked why many times and never once got an answer.


Obviously everyone has different likes and dislikes but you make this sound so absolute that if it were me I'd be wondering whether she's always felt that way or it's changed.... maybe someone at some point in her life did something she didn't like and kept repeating the 'error' and not attempting to do something she _did_ find arousing, so now she just won't even let _you_ try??


----------



## saveamarriage101 (Jul 13, 2011)

I agree asking for sex is a big turn off.

Ladies, do not wait for you man to be hard before you go down on him
It is a huge turn on to start while it is flaccid.

"pinning" my wife against the wall, while she is wearing a short skirt, with or without under garments. Start kissing the neck and work the way down. And then go in for the deed.

A very naught, yet extremely hot thing is when you are in a public place, and she takes off her under garments (somehow) with anyone noticing, and hands them to you...wow.

And yes I learned some of these from a sex tips book. They are great!


----------



## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

I also agree with Enchantment. 
Foreplay is the act (biologically speaking!) of preparing your body for actual sex....however showing your partner 'general' love throughout the day with touches, non verbal 'looks' etc is spot on!
I suppose its non physical love making! 
The real foreplay comes later...right time and place!

However, we don't live in a perfect world! We have jobs, stress, children, worries etc and often physical closeness is the last thing on our minds.
This often means that more specific actions and comments are needed to focus our minds....comments like; 'honey, you look absolutely gorgeous...I'd really love to ravage you....' 
because suggestive looks, comments, touches etc simply get lost or ignored in the hurly burly of 21st century life.

Or one partner simply isnt interested. My wife thinks I am a sex maniac if I try to instigate sex more than about twice a month.

I know we are all different but I would reckon that sex between two healthy 45 year olds twice a week is about the norm.

True?......


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

jezza said:


> I also agree with Enchantment.
> Foreplay is the act (biologically speaking!) of preparing your body for actual sex....however showing your partner 'general' love throughout the day with touches, non verbal 'looks' etc is spot on!
> I suppose its non physical love making!
> The real foreplay comes later...right time and place!
> ...


I think what is 'normal' is whatever is agreeable to BOTH spouses. If there's continual differences, then I think it means there's a lack of commitment (for whatever reasons) on both spouse's part to acknowledge each other's needs and be willing to work on compromising.

But, in this busy world, it is hard for people (both spouses!) to remember to take the time to try and 'seduce' their spouses outside of the bedroom.

It also doesn't always need to be physical touches. Words and expressions and body language can also be very important and effective.

* My H likes it when I whisper slightly suggestive words in his ear (I usually crack up if I whisper really outrageous stuff). I like it when he just nibbles on my ear!

* My H has a nice, deep voice. It is a sexy voice to me. Sometimes I like to just hear him read something to me.

* My H uses these little leers and wagging eyebrows or winks when he walks by even without any touches being exchanged. I give him back little smirks, smiles, and winks.

* My H has a nice physical presence and he uses it to his advantage. Sometimes just his upright proximity to me - maybe shirtless after he's worked out - can do a lot.

* My H and I text each other - usually daily. It's a little more flirty than anything else - it's usually wrapped up in other mundane daily stuff we need to communicate.


----------



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Sorry gang, 367 views 10 replies possibly tells the story of just how important foreplay is to you?


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

madimoff said:


> Obviously everyone has different likes and dislikes but you make this sound so absolute that if it were me I'd be wondering whether she's always felt that way or it's changed.... maybe someone at some point in her life did something she didn't like and kept repeating the 'error' and not attempting to do something she _did_ find arousing, so now she just won't even let _you_ try??


Sorry I didnt really mean to imply anything. Just gripping. I understand she is a special case. And you hit the nail on the head as I think that person is me being her only sexual partner.


----------

