# Really considering separation. HELP!!!



## guest (Jan 25, 2012)

My husband & I have been married for 3 years. We've been together now for a total of 7 years. We have a 16 month old son who we love so much. Before becoming new parents, we rarely fought, and if we did, it was a big deal. Now, after having my son, we have been fighting every single day, with reasons ranging from small trivial things to big deals. Most of the time they're trivial, but it just gets to me so bad that I give him the silent treatment. Sometimes lasting for hours, sometimes days. I do not know how else to deal with my anger than to give him the silent treatment. I was the same way even when I was younger. I just cant talk about things when I am still angry. We do talk about it after I've cooled off and ready to discuss things. But the thing is, it's like a pattern. We just fight and fight, and get on with the routine of me giving him the silent treatment, then he apologizes, I cool off and we talk about it. Nothing changes though. 

I am a stay at home mom, and I do part-time freelance work at home. My husband is working full time. We usually fight over my son waking him up at night. When I put my son to bed, it usually takes me forever. Sometimes my patience wears off and I step out of his room to cool off because I am so frustrated. And this is when my son cries so much that even when I am out of his room, it still frustrates and annoys me so much. My husband usually storms out of the bedroom, being woken up from his sleep, and bangs and kicks things along his path, and proceeds to try putting my son to sleep. This usually results to me being insulted and getting mad, because I do try my best, but I need a break too sometimes. Last night, this happened again for the 100th time, and after he had successfully put my son to sleep, he texted me saying, "Thanks for doing your f***** job". This insulted me to my core. I wrote him a letter to tell him that I am contemplating separating from him because I cannot deal with our marriage and relationship any longer. I am spent.

I don't know what to do. I am so unhappy. I am so tired of being mad all the time. I don't even recognize myself anymore. The above is just one of the reasons we fight. I have my share of faults and I know, majority of it is probably my fault. My husband is very patient and understanding but when he snaps, he says very hurtful things. Last night was kind of the end of the rope for me, or that's what it felt like. It just feels like everything we had fought about in the past is bubbling up, and it feels like I cant bear another fight, and the only thing I can do to resolve it is to quit on our marriage.


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## LizLolly (Oct 20, 2011)

From reading your story, it sounds like there is hope still...

The anger you feel is really due to all that pent-up frustration that you have been feeling and I don't think the two of you have had a real proper calm discussion over what is going on in your marriage.

Children bring stress to all parents lives, so it's very important the two of you get together to really talk abt the frustrations you each have with each other and then try to understand the other person's POV, and then each think of ways that you can minimise the problems. I think there are lots of unsaid things btw the two of you and you are both taking it out on each other in diff ways.

Bottom line is, ur marriage is salvagable in my opinion, but it will take work and a willingness from both patries to understand the others point of view and to openly discuss without yelling, swearing, etc.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your son waking up is beyond your control. Your husband needs to get a grip and realize raising children should be a shared responsibility between both parents. My husband is such a light sleeper, he would always get up with the kids at night. I'd sleep right through it from being so exhausted of taking care of them and the house. Eventually they will grow out of that stage. My 2 youngest took forever, they were both over 2 before sleeping through the night. I'm a stay at home mom too, but I was very lucky my husband didn't mind getting up at night.

I hope you and your husband can get through this. Maybe marriage counceling would help.

My middle child had colic for 3 straight months. She would scream at the top of her lungs every single night for 5-6 hours straight. It was very difficult to deal with. My husband and I would take turns every night holding her, trying to calm her down. We could hear her through out the whole house. I couldn't imagine not getting help from my husband with that. Luckily we only went through that once.

I do wish you luck. I'm sure someone here will have some good advice for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Your husband has to be at work you dont. You have to realise that he has to sleep. Make sure your son doesnt sleep too much by day.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

accept said:


> Your husband has to be at work you dont. You have to realise that he has to sleep. Make sure your son doesnt sleep too much by day.


So does she... Taking care of an baby is not easy and it is work, that, along with taking care of the home.

When I had my son, I took a 3 month maternity leave. I cared for him on my own. It got so bad, I passed out from exhaustion, from lack of sleep. Working outside the home was a piece of cake compared to taking care of a baby.

Some people have no idea of how hard it really is, or they have no appreciated for the work involved


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I am one of the luckiest fathers in the world because I had the opportunity to be the stay at home for a brief 3 month period while my wife was doing some short-term contract work.

My experience was that being a stay-at-home was a lot of work... a lot more than I expected. As far as sleep went, I adapted - if the baby cries at night, he sleeps more during the day, and I'd just nap with him. On a particularly bad day, the dishes could go one day without being washed, etc. When I was working, I didn't have that luxury - if my kid cried all night, the alarm was still going to go off at 5:30 am. That is why, when I was the SAH, I'd take the baby as far away from my wife as possible, so that she could be as fresh for her work day as possible. There were, of course, some days where daddy simply wouldn't cut it, so I'd call in my wife and she helped out as best she could.

OP - as far as your post, I think you and your husband have avoided conflict for so long that everything is bursting at the seams given all the stress you are having with the baby. You give him the silent treatment, and he ignores the problem too, until the baby cries and you guys unload on each other. The best way to restore your marriage to happier times would be to try to get to a point where you could discuss things without all hell breaking loose! Easier said than done I suppose, but that's my .02.


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