# Two Mortgages



## tmbirdy (Jul 26, 2011)

First off, I'm sorry this is so long...

Hi - My husband and I bought a beautiful home last April 2012. My dad had passed away and left me a good amount of money so we went and bought a home because it was a really good investment and besides we get to live here. Since moving in, we have spent at least 100K renovating it because it was pretty dated, but that also includes 35K in landscaping. When we bought the home, my husband said we would get our old home rented within three months. Well a year and a half later it is still not rented and we are paying two mortgages all this time. Furthermore, he let his 26 year old son live in the house for almost a year!

He does not seem to see the urgency because I do the finances, not him, but when I try to tell him that we really need to get the home rented, he tells me to shut up and stop being a nag and gets in a really bad mood. My savings is starting to dwindle and he thinks nothing of it. I make $30K more than him a year and have to pay these mortgages and then some on the house fix up stuff. He has installed wood floors that took him a year and a half amongst other stuff , but to show my appreciation early on I bought him a Camero, a lift for his cars, paid the 40K second mortgage on the one day rental property, and then some. I appreciate the work he has done, but I could have paid the same amount and had the floors done in three weeks when we first moved in. It has been a tremendous amount of stress and we were never an all the way stable couple to begin with. But I thought buying this house would help because we would be on neutral ground instead of living in his house, which is the one that needs to be rented. We have since refinanced that house in both of our names, however.

I have offered to hire help so we can just get the place rented, but he is still dragging his feet. For instance, he started installing an attic fan in our primary home at the end of summer! I feel like I have been patient for so long because he never takes it well if I tell him that something needs to get done. So we are in a big fight tonight and I was almost ready to end it. There is more that goes along with the story and we have never really gotten along as a stable couple should. I threw out the D word last night after he was wanting me to pay for us to fly to a wedding and pay for his almost 26 year old son to go with us, then he asks if we will be able to go to Cancun in January. He has five project cars just sitting and I said (even with a smile...) well, you can sell a car...? He went off and started telling me F you, F you, and then went to sleep in the other room. I just don't get his procrastination, or have I just been a blind fool?

We have been married just less than four years and we are both in our early 50s. Both of our kids are grown and I do love him, but I'm not feeling good about things right now. 

TM


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

A couple of questions:

How is the real estate market where the old home is?

Since money seems to be an issue (which is completely understandable), what is the driver for renting it (after tying up even more money in it) vs. selling it and moving on?

Who is supposed to do the renovations on the home. Is your husband supposed to do them himself, or do you just want him to coordinate the effort?

How busy are you guys in general?

Specific to this situation, hire a professional and get the job done yourself. Every day the house sits there empty it is costing you money, and that is more expensive than hiring a tradesman to do the work for you.

If the house really is that difficult to rent, having his son live there and keep an eye on the house is better than letting it stay vacant and subject to vandalism and squatting.

Is it possible he's just really busy and overwhelmed? If you think he is not pulling his weight in general, that needs to be addressed as its own issue.


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## tmbirdy (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi DTO,

Thanks for your reply. We got things worked out over the weekend and he is finally responding to my concerns. I'll answer your questions below.



DTO said:


> A couple of questions:
> 
> How is the real estate market where the old home is?
> 
> ...


I did not mean to make him out to be a monster, but he had been blowing my concerns off. Not just for a month, but for a year. I think we finally worked things out this weekend and came up with some good compromises. He actually is a very good husband, and we are very much in love.

This is what marriage is sometimes. I was extremely frustrated last week and really needed to vent. I worry about finances too as I am the one who manages all that. I do try to get him involved, but it's just not his thing. We both contribute financially with our paychecks so there is nothing shady happening. I just want to be a position to not be paying for something not being used. If the house is just sitting there, I want an ROI.

Teri


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