# My Wife Thinks I am Lying, When I am Not!!!



## MikeCamp1

My wife of 4 years (lover for 7 years), is constantly thinking I'm lying to her, when I am not. She brings up things from years ago, which I thought she would just let go, but she doesn't. Things that aren't even true. We are running through a rough patch now and we're trying to make amends so we can be happy together. I love her and I will do anything for her, but I just can't admit to somethings that aren't true. Sometimes I think I should just say they are true so she feels better, but then when will it end. How can I get my wife to trust and believe me.:


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## makingmymarriagework

Well speaking from a woman's point of view. I do the same thing thing to my fiance. He's a very good-looking man, and he has LOTS of femaile friends. I constatnly accuse him of cheating, but he says to me that he is not cheating. He says that he would rather end our relationship than cheat on me. My advice is to sit her down and assure her that you love her.


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## revitalizedhusband

Either you have a history of lying to her and she has lost trust in you, OR you, like many of us, have found out the hard way what the chemical cause of insanity/craziness happens to be...




estrogen.




Joking aside, makingmy is right, you just need to sit her down and have a "heart to heart" and tell her you swear on whatever that you are telling her the truth.


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## GAsoccerman

Mike, I suspect she had a lover in the past that cheated on her. When this happens they usually enbcome suspect of their current lovers every move. I had a girlfriend who cheated on me BIG TIME, I found out, i was CRUSHED and I did not trust women for a long time.

I dated my wife for 7 year, in those 7 years I had to fight off my jealousy, she had to fight off my questions and such, I had to fight off my own demons, my own suspicions etc.

I had the trust issues, not my wife. She did cheat on me once during spring break.

I had to grow menatlly and challenge myself and figure out what I really wanted out of life.

She needs to fight her battle against the green monster of jealousy. She needs to figure this out, if counseling will help, then it will, but she will surely drive her self out of this relationship if she keeps it up.

It's a tough battle but be strong for her and support her by being open and honest with every question and not get mad, she will soon learn to get over it.


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## Chopblock

I call this the "it doesn't matter what I say" argument, because even if you are 110% innocent, she is going to act as if you are guilty.

At that point, there is no reason to bring anything up to her, because she isn't going to listen to you.

This is her problem, not yours, and she needs to grow out of it.

You could try doing the same thing to her, and see if it makes her realize how frustrating she is. Take note of the way she accuses you of things and phrases she uses, and use them back on her.

Alternatively, just use one of the most powerful weapons against drama queens there is: when she starts going through her song and dance, just calmly say "I can't deal with you when you are like this" and leave or ignore her. People who create drama cannot STAND being ignored. Do not interact with her until she has apologized, or at least calmed down significantly.


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## Rattlehead

Chopblock said:


> You could try doing the same thing to her, and see if it makes her realize how frustrating she is. Take note of the way she accuses you of things and phrases she uses, and use them back on her.
> 
> Alternatively, just use one of the most powerful weapons against drama queens there is: when she starts going through her song and dance, just calmly say "I can't deal with you when you are like this" and leave or ignore her. People who create drama cannot STAND being ignored. Do not interact with her until she has apologized, or at least calmed down significantly.


I can testify that those last two suggestions DO NOT WORK. Atleast not for me. I've tried them both and both backfired in my face. If I try giving her a taste of her own medicine (your first suggestion), she then claims I'm derailing from the issue and avoiding the things that bother her. I've also tried your last suggestion, the silent treatment. THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE! When I don't speak to her for a few days, its like she lets her anger BREW and then suddenly a few days later it explodes 10 times worse than it was originally.



> I call this the "it doesn't matter what I say" argument, because even if you are 110% innocent, she is going to act as if you are guilty.


Now there's a statement I can agree with. I'm not perfect by any means but in my marraige there have been countless times when I've been telling her the 100% truth yet she still doesnt believe a word I say. Its like she analizes it in her head (how she *thinks* it is) and once she has done that, theres no convincing her otherwise. Hell, even after I've given undeniable PROOF that I'm telling the truth, I still don't get an appology. 


Anyway, to the original poster: Good luck. Let me know when (if) you ever find the answer to that one 'cause I'd sure like to know aswell!


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## MarkTwain

MikeCamp1-
You sound like you need to develop more backbone. Admitting to something you did not do IS a lie. So if you go down that road, you will end up doing the very thing she is accusing you of.

Never lie to a wife. It never pays off. The next time she accuses you of something you have not done and won't take no for an answer - leave the room. make a scene, but don't get angry - if anything you should do it with humour. Stick to this long enough and she will get it.

Never ever settle. She will despise you for lack of backbone, and she will go off having sex with you.


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## NothingMan

MarkTwain said:


> MikeCamp1-
> You sound like you need to develop more backbone. Admitting to something you did not do IS a lie. So if you go down that road, you will end up doing the very thing she is accusing you of.
> 
> Never lie to a wife. It never pays off. The next time she accuses you of something you have not done and won't take no for an answer - leave the room. make a scene, but don't get angry - if anything you should do it with humour. Stick to this long enough and she will get it.
> 
> Never ever settle. She will despise you for lack of backbone, and she will go off having sex with you.




I think Mark is spot on. In the days of political correctness and men being turned more feminine on a daily basis...I still believe that women want and need a man who is just that, a man. That doesnt mean slap her around, and it doesnt mean she's less important then you. But it does mean you say what mean and you mean what you say. It means that you need to stand up for her when she needs it, support her at all times, honor her, love her, cherish her, but also it means you need to make decisions and stuck with them. There is nothing a woman loses respect for faster then a man who loses his will and backbone, thereby being no longer a man. MAN UP.


John


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## preso

She must be one of those women who relies heavily on her "intution"
and maybe too... just likes to stir up drama to keep from being bored.........

tell her to find a new hobby.


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## 1nurse

Sorry to hear your wife's constant nagging and whining about not trusting you are bothering you. Would drive me crazy. This is her problem not yours. I don't know what other advice to offer you other than to tell her to get over her insecurities and off your back. This is the type of argument again and again that ruins relationships.


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## sisters359

If you have not done anything to merit her suspicion--and I mean ANYTHING, even a little white lie to keep the peace, then you must refuse to get dragged into this conflict. Never, ever, tell a lie just to keep the peace; it proves you ARE a liar. 

If you have done that, then start a "total honesty policy" NOW. Tell her what you have lied about in the past and why (if it was to avoid conflict, for example). Tell her you will NEVER do it again, that you will face the conflict or whatever consequences of telling the truth may be. 

Also tell her you will answer such questions truthfully and ONCE, and only once. Stick to your guns, and remind her "I've answered that question." 

Now, if you WERE dishonest on any level in the past, you need to suck it up and EARN HER TRUST back. The only way is full disclosure for as long as it takes (again, each conversation/reply is given once, and only once but there may be MANY times you have to disclose/reply to different questions). 

If you have always been totally honest with her--and I mean ALWAYS--then you need to get some counseling together, and maybe individually for one or both of you, too. Don't let this ruin your relationship. She may have issues about trust that have nothing to do with you, which she needs to work on, but it is also worth some joint counseling so you can respond appropriately. 

Be very clear in your own head: has she ever caught you in a lie? Have you ever answered her question partially (ie, "lying by omission") and she found out? These can tear apart trust (your problem), and she may be insecure enough (her problem) to need help getting back to that trust.


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## Lmartins

I realize this post is older, but I am hopeful that somebody out there with an infinite amount of wisdom can tell me what to do or how to approach this.

I have recently started giving up smoking. My wife on the other hand is convinced that I smoke in secret behind her back. Now I can attest and I am willing to take a lie detector test if I have to prove to her that she is wrong. But no matter what I say or do, she just won't give it up and continuously accuses me of smoking behind her back. I am tired of pleading my innocence, and I exhausted of having the same conversation over and over again. If I was smoking behind her back then at least I could understand what her objections were and I'd have no right to complain about the accusations. A part of me is honestly thinking of just picking up the habit again just so I don't have to listen to her anymore.

Quitting smoking is hard enough, but to be in a constant battle over this is exhausting. My decision to quit is for me and not for her. I've tried doing it for her in the past and couldn't. But this time around I have ben doing tremendously well and I am very proud of myself, but I to be honest with all this effort and sacrifice it's a little disheartening when your efforts and progress ignored and you are treated like a liar in the process. Unless I get her onside I just don't know if I can see this through to the end. As much as I want to break this horrible habit once and for all, the non stop nagging and accusations almost seem worse to me at this point.

Open to suggestions! Please!


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## lifeistooshort

LMartins, please start your own thread and I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice.

This thread hasn't been active in 8 years.

Closing.


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