# A good civil breakup - should i be scared?



## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

Havent been on here for about 10 days i guess, im normally in the sex section. Under sexless marriage issues.

Im 28 and very quicky, My wife of 18months and partner of 5 years and i seperated about 3 weeks ago. Problems came 9 months ago when she was diagnosed with depression and from there our lives changed. NO SEX since then, and sex only 5 times in 3 years. We fought alot about small things but we have now come to the agreement that we just couldnt live in the same house anymore. We have a 3 year old daughter. So since the birth obviously there has been no sex. I was caught a few months ago having cyber sex with a freind of mine which obviously was wrong but can see the reasons behind doing this as wife wouldnt help in any way shape or form. I never cheated physically. there was no love or friendship in the house.

Anyway we have been in seperate houses for 3 weeks and getting a long quite well, she is only 10 mins away. We share looking after our daughter and have organised cicvily regarding money whilst she wanted a new bank account. We have gone to lunch a couple of times and been over each others houses obviously to do drop offs.

Allthough sad its actually been a nice break up and alot of people are surprised but should i be worried? Ive been told just keep your guard as iin a few months when things settles she will either want you back or want your world and stuff me....

If she does want me back it would need longer than a few months apart i would think and even then i would think we would have to start again from seperate houses which could take a while as i really struggled living with her. eg. love would have to be back, communication, sex etc before in the same house and im not sure that would happen which gets me worried that she will eventually flip and try and stuff me emotionally and finincailly.

any thoughts?


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I just posted regarding my depression and the effects it had on our relationship/marriage over the last almost 30 years. It's a tough thing for all involved (the depressed and the family members/spouses). I've spent my whole life being either depressed or on anti-depressants which both wreak havoc on one's libido, I certainly feel for both of you. I'm dorry I don't have any advice for you other than if you di choose to try it again, counselling for both of you would be highly advisable, both MC and individual counselling for her.


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

In a lot of jurisdictions the property settlement can be entirely separate to the divorce. If this the case where you are maybe you look at settling the financial issues between you while putting the divorce on hold for when you're both ready.

I'm about to go to my first mediation meeting this week re a property settlement. I'm going with the best of intentions to try and negotiate a fair result. But have no idea really what I could be asked for. Everyone will tell you...get some good advice early. The financial thing can do a 180 of its own once the reality of separate finances kick in. Good luck.


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