# The "gay workhusband" strikes...



## Barkmann (Feb 22, 2016)

My wife and her supposed "gay friend" went to a bar at noon yesterday, came back hammered at 4pm and spent the rest of the day playing rockband. I figured the party would end before that considering they had just come off a 12 hour shift on the air base.

Well long story short I came down stairs and caught them together. Her dress was hiked up and her bra was undone...son of a ***** had the nerve to say nothing was happening.

So she ran to the bathroom, me in shock just went upstairs...he took off.

I left shortly thereafter and came back to find that ****sucker sitting in my parking spot and locked my front door, I went into my house and he begged me to hit him...I told him to flat out leave and never come back because I really am not down for a manslaughter charge.

Anyway...he leaves...I calmly tell her to sober up and go to bed...well thats nice but then he comes back again...breaks up my back gate and that is when the sheriff was called. 

I spent the night on a friend's couch and got hammered and watched the empire strikes back...I got up...threw up a few times, sobered up...went to a waffle house where she texted me asking if I should meet her there.

I sent no reply.

She locked herself in our bedroom as I type this, I'm home now because my dachshunds are more important to me than her right now.

update, she came into my studio and I simply typed in large caps on microsoft word:

*i cant even bring myself to look at you, the couch is tainted to me, turn around and walk out of the room, please.*

She got in her car and left, pretty sure she's going to the work husband.


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## Barkmann (Feb 22, 2016)

Best part...this went down two weeks before our sixth year anniversary.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

Wow, So sorry you're here. Makes you wonder how long stuff like that's been going on with them & if he's really gay of bisexual?!?


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

Barkmann said:


> Best part...this went down two weeks before our sixth year anniversary.


Ugh Barkmann. So sorry this happened to you. I cannot believe she had the balls to do this in *YOUR HOUSE *while *YOU WERE THERE upstairs???!!!!! *I'm assuming she knew you were there?

WOW. I think I would be filing. Please get some counseling for yourself if you are not already doing so. And kick her arse to the curb.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Do we know if he is really gay or if wife just said that to avoid confrontation? Work spouses are a real danger, despite the common belief that these are only platonic relationships.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

bluezone said:


> Ugh Barkmann. So sorry this happened to you. I cannot believe she had the balls to do this in *YOUR HOUSE *while *YOU WERE THERE upstairs???!!!!! *I'm assuming she knew you were there?


She will say it "just happened"


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sorry dude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

they had the balls to do it with you in the house, then he kept coming back sniffing around? 

Any kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Barkmann (Feb 22, 2016)

No kids, just three dachshunds.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Barkmann said:


> My wife and her supposed "gay friend" went to a bar at noon yesterday, came back hammered at 4pm and spent the rest of the day playing rockband. I figured the party would end before that considering they had just come off a 12 hour shift on the air base.
> 
> Well long story short I came down stairs and caught them together. Her dress was hiked up and her bra was undone...son of a ***** had the nerve to say nothing was happening.
> 
> ...


at least you've got your priorities set right.

that's hard to do with something that messed up. hat's off to you.


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## Barkmann (Feb 22, 2016)

I told him flat out the second time he came back "a lesser man would have shot you where you stood, lucky for you my floor is more expensive."


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What difference does it make whether he's gay, bi-sexual, or heterosexual? He's monopolizing your wife's time, she's coming out of her clothes for him. He has the audacity to challenge you to a fight and destroy your property at your own home. Hope you don't have kids. Who needs this drama in their life? 

By the way, do you know what the difference between murder and manslaughter is? To the dead guy, not much.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Barkmann said:


> I told him flat out the second time he came back "a lesser man would have shot you where you stood, lucky for you my floor is more expensive."


Why did he return?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

File for divorce, sue for sole custody of the dachshunds. 

She has zero respect for you.

If they have the cajones to do it with you in another room, God knows how many times they've done it with you not around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Barkmann said:


> No kids, just three dachshunds.


Not a hard decision then

She doesn't just want you


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

remember, don't make any decisions while in this heightened emotional state. This is to protect you from making a bigger mess you will have to clean up.

Stay strong and think (not feel) before acting.


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## Barkmann (Feb 22, 2016)

That worthless waste of space left his expensive bottle of whiskey over here.

I threw it in the trash.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Barkmann said:


> That worthless waste of space left his expensive bottle of whiskey over here.
> 
> I threw it in the trash.


Getting rid of an unfaithful woman makes perfect sense. Discarding perfectly good liquor is just a waste and a sin.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Barkmann said:


> No kids, just three dachshunds.


When are you filing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Devastated an lost said:


> Wow, So sorry you're here. Makes you wonder how long stuff like that's been going on with them & if he's really gay of bisexual?!?


My thoughts are he is straight as an arrow, it's just a lie his wife made up to justify spending time with him right under his nose. 

Sorry you are here OP. I agree, with others, divorce and don't look back.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

I recently read a post from a cheater (on reddit?) that was all about ‘my SO thinks he’s just my gay best friend…Nope, he’s not gay at all!’

I've heard this is a common diversion (either a total lie: "he's gay" or a semi-lie: "I think he must be gay!")

don't fall for it!


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

Acoa said:


> My thoughts are he is straight as an arrow, it's just a lie his wife made up to justify spending time with him right under his nose.
> 
> Sorry you are here OP. I agree, with others, divorce and don't look back.


I agree, I thought about that after I posted my comment.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Barkman,

No kids, three dogs. KEEP THE DOGS AND GET RID OF HER!!!!!

Not only has she been lying about this guy being gay, but unless she forgot you were upstairs, this is about as disrespectful as it gets.

lastly, you need to call the cops and not wind up in jail. If your wife had told him to stay the **** away, he would not have come back. Either that or he is insane to walk back into a house where the husband just caught him with the wife.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

straightshooter said:


> but unless she forgot you were upstairs, this is about as disrespectful as it gets.


they've probably done this soooo many times downstairs that it was just habit. I really doubt OP was lucky(unlucky?) enough to catch their first attempt at fooling around...no way.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

What you need to do is follow the advice given here. First, see a lawyer and file for divorce. When she gets the papers she'll probably beg you to let her talk to you so that she can "explain". That's all up to you.

The filing for divorce is like a ticking bomb. If you don't want her back, simply shut her out. If a reconciliation is possible, let her come to you and beg for the chance. You will be in control.

Which is why the advice given here is good.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Barkmann said:


> I figured the party would end before that considering they had just come off a 12 hour shift on the air base.


If they are active duty Air Force you can put them in a world of hurt. 

Keep a voice activated recorder (VAR) on you for a bit to make sure she doesn't make false domestic abuse charges against you.

No Kids....RUN


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

While it may not seem like it, you're doing a great job. 

Continue down this path - do NOT engage her, you will get NOTHING except pain saying one word to her. You don't need to say ONE SINGLE WORD. 

Have her served papers at work, follow your lawyer's advice on when to move out, and keep watching Star Wars movies. One day you'll look back on this and kind of not give a ****, every day you get through this you're on day closer to that day.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I have known a lot of gay dudes and they didn't mind screwing women occasionally.

I even had a gay guy try to see how far he could get with Mrs. Conan when we were just dating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

Divorce your wife and expose this to family and close friends. You dont want to be bad guy I belive.

You dont have any kids,which is great. Will be much easier for you to move on and find yourself a better woman 

Stay strong


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce her. Close your joint checking and have all your paychecks sent to a new account in your name only. Cancel all joint credit cards. Go to a lawyer and file. 

The fact that she is not on her knees begging you to forgive her tells me she is no longer in love with you and has wanted out of the marriage for a while. This affair of hers has probably been going on for much longer than you think. She has probably already banged him in your bed a few times. 

How much does she drink? Does she have a problem with alcohol?


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Man that's crazy. I don't let my wife hang out with gay dudes. They are nothing but trouble. They hate me because I'm the "football player looking black guy" (i.e. everything they are not.) They also try to supply women with "man advice" but they like dudes too, so the advice is never sound. They wait for the woman's guard to go down and they pounce.

Kick that broad to the curb.


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

Barkmann said:


> No kids, just three dachshunds.


File now and count your blessings and never look back.

Also, STD test. That's always a good idea, but especially when your woman has been banging a bisexual dude.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

OP, was this something that you would have expected from your wife or what is completely out of character? Were the two of you having marriage problems?

This may be the result of wife having too much to drink. Not typical behavior of a cheater to do this in their own home when husband is present. I am not trying to downplay this. You are p***ed at her and have every right to be. 

It is easy for posters to say "divorce her". Not so easy when you are the betrayed spouse. 

Wait a couple days to cool off, then hear what she has to say.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

The thread title would make a funny movie title.

No disrespect OP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I knew a situation when a Lesbian and the husband of her best friend got together.

That devastated the wife and the live in Lesbian partner of the AP.


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> I have known a lot of gay dudes and they didn't mind screwing women occasionally.
> 
> I even had a gay guy try to see how far he could get with Mrs. Conan when we were just dating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You were dating a gay guy? :surprise:


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Devastated an lost said:


> Wow, So sorry you're here. Makes you wonder how long stuff like that's been going on with them & if he's really gay of bisexual?!?


I'd go with bisexual. Make sure you're tested for every possible STD and again is 6 months. You've established he has no morals. I doubt he would use protection with either men or women. Promiscuous gay sex is highly risky... need I say more?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So sorry dude, but I think you're well within your rights to beat that sob within an inch of your life when he came back the second time.

In the future, try to consider not tolerating any man spending time with your wife--- which I hope to be a different one in the future than you have now.

Don't make any big decisions now. But see a lawyer and find out the score. A woman that comes home wasted drunk in the middle of the day is kinda loose sounding to start off with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

My W had a 12 year very close relationship with her "gay" co-worker. We all worked together. 
She injected him into my family's life. He became like an uncle to my kids.
I had no suspicion of a sexual affair. I did no monitoring.
They had many opportunities to have sex. To this day I do not know if they did.
If I knew then what I know now, he would have been gone within a week.
Took 12 years before I got rid of him for good.
I have become much more aware of her "friends" now.

Don't ever believe Gay means no threat.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Oh, I'm more than sure that for being a "confirmed" gay man, that he just had himself a sheer moment of "temporary insanity" there with your W's pants down!

And on second thought, your W must have developed the very same malady thinking that she was temporarily "gay!"

No matter how rosy it is painted, "Cheating is cheating" and "deception is deception" ~ and "a fool is still a fool!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Vulcan2013 said:


> You were dating a gay guy? :surprise:


The gay guy was making moves on my then gf Mrs. Conan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Vulcan2013 said:


> You were dating a gay guy? :surprise:


:rofl:


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> A woman that comes home wasted drunk in the middle of the day is kinda loose sounding to start off with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She works shifts, so this was her night time.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Evinrude58 said:


> So sorry dude, but I think you're well within your rights to beat that sob within an inch of your life when he came back the second time.
> 
> In the future, try to consider not tolerating any man spending time with your wife--- which I hope to be a different one in the future than you have now.
> 
> ...


If you have to lock your wife away from all other men, what's the point of keeping her around? If she wants to stray, kick her out the door and be grateful you're shed of her. Beating some dude up might give you some small measure of temporary satisfaction but it won't change the fact that you're primary issue is your wife. If you have one that wants to fool around there will never be a shortage of men (or women) who will be happy to oblige her. I wouldn't spend 5 minutes in a jail cell over an unfaithful woman. If she wants some other guy I will help her pack. Didn't you say one of you is in the military? If so, you are guaranteed periods of long separation. Either she's trustworthy or she's not. I've been a soldier a very long time and the very last thing I need is an unfaithful woman. Deployments are hard enough without carrying the burden of wondering who your spouse is having sex with.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> If you have to lock your wife away from all other men, what's the point of keeping her around? If she wants to stray, kick her out the door and be grateful you're shed of her. Beating some dude up might give you some small measure of temporary satisfaction but it won't change the fact that you're primary issue is your wife. If you have one that wants to fool around there will never be a shortage of men (or women) who will be happy to oblige her. I wouldn't spend 5 minutes in a jail cell over an unfaithful woman. If she wants some other guy I will help her pack. Didn't you say one of you is in the military? If so, you are guaranteed periods of long separation. Either she's trustworthy or she's not. I've been a soldier a very long time and the very last thing I need is an unfaithful woman. Deployments are hard enough without carrying the burden of wondering who your spouse is having sex with.



I wholeheartedly agree, but when I catch a dude with my wife and he comes back the same day for more? That's beyond reason and would result in a beating out of sheer disbelief that he would be that stupid and psychotic. My instincts would be that this was a threat to me and would give him a physical reminder of the craziness/stupidity of coming into my home.

Also, letting your wife build close friendships with other men is just stupid. Whether they are trustworthy or not, it's stupid-- in my opinion.

Obviously OP's wife is not a keeper, so moot point.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I don't understand the discussion and analysis of whether this guy is gay or not. DOES NOT MATTER. You caught a person (man or woman, does not matter) with your wife and she was in a state of having sex with her dress up and bra unhooked. At a minimum, I am sure they were kissing, and he was touching her all over and down there. 

That is enough to tell you that she was being unfaithful to you. And disrespectful as well. Crossing the limits completely.

Grounds to kick her out.

I don't think this is salvageable, just calm down, talk to your lawyer in a stable state of mind and divorce her. Thank God you don't have any kids. She is not worth your time.


I am just curious, how has your 6 year marriage been? Have you both been happy and this came as a huge WTF shocking moment? Or were you both getting distant and she and maybe you were looking to others for company?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Evinrude58 said:


> I wholeheartedly agree, but when I catch a dude with my wife and he comes back the same day for more? That's beyond reason and would result in a beating out of sheer disbelief that he would be that stupid and psychotic. My instincts would be that this was a threat to me and would give him a physical reminder of the craziness/stupidity of coming into my home.
> 
> Also, letting your wife build close friendships with other men is just stupid. Whether they are trustworthy or not, it's stupid-- in my opinion.
> 
> Obviously OP's wife is not a keeper, so moot point.


If there was nothing at your house for the dude to return for he wouldn't return. Your problem is with the person leaving the cheese out, not with the mouse. The mouse is just being a mouse, responding to the bait. If it wasn't him, it would be a different mouse.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Forget the "gay" POS - what did your wife have to say about her bra being undone and her skirt being hitched up when you caught her ? What was her explanation ? The POS said nothing happened but how did your wife explain her appearance ? She had an itch she couldn't get to ? What ?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

In my early 20s, I had a serially unfaithful wife and I beat up a couple guys, flat out threatened to kill a couple others. It finally dawned on me that they weren't the problem and I got rid of her. She's been in at least four serious relationships since and is currently married. She hasn't been faithful to any of those men. You can't beat or kill enough men to turn a cheating woman into a faithful, trustworthy wife. I was an idiot for misidentifying the problem and risking my future and my clean criminal history sheet over that lying heifer. There are tens of millions of available women. If one doesn't want to be faithful, she can be easily replaced by someone who will. I only have one reputation and one criminal history sheet. I don't need a cheater but I do need a decent job and my freedom. I can't have those if I get sucked into the drama games of some bat crap crazy lying heifer who can't keep her legs closed.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If OP doesn't come back can I continue his story?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

:smthumbup:

No V fluids though


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> If OP doesn't come back can I continue his story?


Only if it involves Squat Cobbling.

(Nobody will get the reference but I think I'm funny)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Only if it involves Squat Cobbling.
> 
> (Nobody will get the reference but I think I'm funny)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I see your Squat Cobbling and raise you one 'Hackensack See Saw'.
It's what a Gentlemen does.

Cheers,
V(13)
Seriously would like Team Tam to continue this story. save the clowns for last!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Only if it involves Squat Cobbling.
> 
> (Nobody will get the reference but I think I'm funny)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Um, I get it and I'm LOL. I'll bring extra pie. 

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## NWCooper (Feb 19, 2013)

You are all going to be disbarred! AND, the cucumber water is for CUSTOMERS only!


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## Barkmann (Feb 22, 2016)

Here is what has happened since:

A mutual friend mediated a truce and we met in my studio, and talked. I told her flat out there is ZERO trust between us now, and that I never want her to be alone with another man other than myself again. If this supposid "gay man" comes back we're done.

She told me that they weren't attracted and he did it to make her happy, our marriage was suffering before this...I work too much.

Basically he was about to throw her a pity ****, and she swore up and down she wasn't going to let it go any further.

I ask myself what if I came down ten minutes later...?

So I told her the ground rules, we had hate sex that afternoon with protection to flat out tell her how much I trusted her and since then things have simmered down.

Yet then when I'm alone, my mind starts going to very dark places and I keep stumbling down depression...and now nightmares have started about the two of them. 

See I would leave if I had a place to go, I do not have an exit plan, I'm deep into school and honestly the alternatives are a cardboard box right now. I am honestly stuck here.

Yet I'm just trying here...treading water...trying to keep myself in one piece.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

No mention of clowns yet. Guess I'll have to wait...


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## Barkmann (Feb 22, 2016)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> No mention of clowns yet. Guess I'll have to wait...


Clowns.

I'd rather deal with Tim Curry in the sewer than this ****.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Barkmann said:


> Here is what has happened since:
> 
> A mutual friend mediated a truce and we met in my studio, and talked. I told her flat out there is ZERO trust between us now, and that I never want her to be alone with another man other than myself again. If this supposid "gay man" comes back we're done.
> 
> ...


You need to take some control, and work on a plan.

First, get some distance. Don't interact with her until you get your head sorted. 

Kick her out of your bedroom. Don't ask, just move her stuff out. When I did this, I just pushed her dresser out into the hallway. If she won't stay out, add a deadbolt or change the knob out with a keyed lock. 

Go visit a divorce lawyer. Even if you are not sure you are ready to go down that route, spending a few bucks to get an idea of what you can expect will bring you some clarity. Knowing what lies behind door number 2 gives you an idea of if you want to open it or not. 

You aren't thinking straight, probably not sleeping or eating well. All of these things affect your decision making. Share your story with someone who knows you well. Someone who's opinion you respect.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Maybe sex with her now is not a good idea...


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Only if it involves Squat Cobbling.
> 
> (Nobody will get the reference but I think I'm funny)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Well at least one other person on TAM is watching "Better Call Saul" >


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

Oh FFS.

And she's blaming you for her cheating.

And you think she hasn't cheated before.

Please, whatever you do, don't get her pregnant.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> If OP doesn't come back can I continue his story?


Absolutely!


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> No mention of clowns yet. Guess I'll have to wait...


NO NO NO they scare me especially the midgets.

Op her default mode is to cheat when she is not happy, do not have any children with this women. That will really hurt.

You deserve better, you can see your future from here if you stay with her, its not pretty.

Tell her to leave, then file. Can she go live with gayman?


PSA; Spring breaks are coming up, it will be standing room only under the bridges!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He was going to give her a "pity ****"?????????

Someone is stupid enough to believe that ****????

You're kidding me. There are actually people out there that give "pity ****s"
Heck, I've been missing out. There may be quite a few women out there that I may be asking for a "pity ****", now that I am aware of the existence of such things.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Barkmann said:


> Here is what has happened since:
> 
> A mutual friend mediated a truce and we met in my studio, and talked. I told her flat out there is ZERO trust between us now, and that I never want her to be alone with another man other than myself again. If this supposid "gay man" comes back we're done.
> 
> ...


Tip of the iceberg. Stay in denial if you wish.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Your a better man than i am. I would of beaten him half to death with one of my beloved cricket bats.

The audacity of them both to do it in your house whilst you are upstairs.

That said why did you allow her and him to hang out in the first place. From experience when a woman tells her husband a certain male friend is gay thats when all my red flags would be alerted.

Truly sorry you are here. Keep doing what you are doing. Dont engage her and keep posting here. The advice is sound and gives you a chance to vent.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Develop your exit plan then initiate it - even it it takes you years.

Now that she knows you don't trust her you will never catch her this easily again.

Do not have children with this woman.

Pity fvck from a gay man - please!!! Even if true, it shows she was whining to him about you, your sex life, and marriage.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Oh FFS...

If you're going to reconcile, s*h*e needs a new job ASAP. As in 5 minutes ago last T*u*esday.

Second, she commits to absolute, complete, and total NO CONTACT w/ D**chebag McGee. If she needs to change phone numbers, e-mail add*r*esses, social media accounts, hair color, license pla*t*e number, light bulbs, motor oil, pillow cases, or whatever else to make this happen, then oh well.

Thir*d*, if she's telling yo*u* that this is her first time doing something like this... well, you nee*d* to realize that sh*e*'s lying to you. Doing this w/ you upstairs indicates too extreme a degree of comfort for this to have been her first time riding around the block w/ this guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

My friend how old are you ? Your wife tells you about pitty fuc..k that will happen and then you forgive her and move on !!!

What is even worse she BLAMED YOU for all of this.


Maybe you deserve a wife like her and friends like him.


Take care


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Oh FFS...
> 
> If you're going to reconcile, s*h*e needs a new job ASAP. As in 5 minutes ago last T*u*esday.
> 
> ...


I see wh*a*t you are doing.....very *g*ood information he*r*e. K*ee*p your eyes peele*d*.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

My friend you need to look up the word DENIAL. Hint: It is not a river in Egypt.
If the roles were reversed would she be so passive and accepting as you?

This occurred in the basement of your house when you were upstairs. This does indicate that this was not her first rodeo. This shows a level of comfort that is had only have subsequent times together. She totally disrespected in you in your own home. Clearly the both of them were getting some perverse pleasure out of doing this while you were upstairs. How can you not understand this?

IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Sorry you are going through this.

Here is reality. Your wife is nothing special. She's a standard run-of-the-mill cheater. People who are willing to cheat once have a very high likelihood of cheating again (according to studies). Don't buy into the "It just happened!" or "It didn't mean anything!" bull crap. The reality is that if it's not the "gay" dude (Yeah right!), then it'll be the next door neighbor or the "good friend", or some guy she works with. 

Just be fairly warned, it'll likely happen again, no matter how much attention you give her. There are women out there who will not cheat. In fact, there are a LOT of them. Why deal with a cheater? You have no kids. Separate your finances and move on. Find a roommate for a while so the rent is cheap. Get some student loans if you have too. Just get your crap together and do it. It seems monumental, but it really isn't.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> If there was nothing at your house for the dude to return for he wouldn't return. Your problem is with the person leaving the cheese out, not with the mouse. The mouse is just being a mouse, responding to the bait. If it wasn't him, it would be a different mouse.


Everyone I know puts the cheese away and kills the mouse because that's what people do.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Chaparral said:


> Everyone I know puts the cheese away and kills the mouse because that's what people do.


Actually they throw away the cheese and kill the mouse.>


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)




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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Oh FFS...
> 
> If you're going to reconcile, s*h*e needs a new job ASAP. As in 5 minutes ago last T*u*esday.
> 
> ...


I see what you did there.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Barkmann said:


> Here is what has happened since:
> 
> A mutual friend mediated a truce and we met in my studio, and talked. I told her flat out there is ZERO trust between us now, and that I never want her to be alone with another man other than myself again. If this supposid "gay man" comes back we're done.
> 
> ...


Good plan. Sorry that you have to replay the situation over and over in your mind. But you have the rest of your life to decide anytime YOU want to divorce her. 

Her excuse that you work too much is most disconcerting. I would have expected a "I'm sorry" or "I was drunk" comment instead. You need to follow up on that, which I am sure you will.

Great action on that "hate sex". :grin2:

BTW, make sure that she does not "accidentally" get pregnant.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Oh FFS...
> 
> If you're going to reconcile, s*h*e needs a new job ASAP. As in 5 minutes ago last T*u*esday.
> 
> ...


Is the bolded h u d u d a secret code?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Is the bolded h u d u d a secret code?


You missed a couple of letters just like I did initially.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

OP,

I think you're making a mistake in deciding to R this quickly - even with the conditions you've laid out. That's a mistake I also made and I regretted it. But your mistake is correctable if you act now.

I would have another discussion with her and tell her; the more you've had time to absorb what she did, the more you are unsure about staying married to her. Tell her you need more time to decide. Put her out of your bedroom and implement a short term 180. Wait "at least" a couple of weeks. During that time you can judge her remorse and her commitment to your marriage. You can think about what's your best course. 

Then decide.

One other advantage to taking your time. After she experiences that more prolonged, gut wrenching feeling of not knowing if her husband is leaving her for cheating; she should be under no allusions of what will happen the next time she does it.


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## metallicaluvr (Feb 25, 2016)

Oh come ON. YOu SAW your wife get ****ed by another man! Why on Earth would you want to stay? You remind me of this guy on survivinginfidelity called theredbaron. He not only SAW his wife get ****ed by another man, he waited for him to c*m and even let them cuddle, though. XD you can't make this **** up.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

3putt said:


> You missed a couple of letters just like I did initially.


I'm sticking to "My phone is a droid mini with a very small screen"


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

My Captain Marvel Super Secret Decoder Ring broke - that's my excuse.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

was this the first time you had left them alone in the house?


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

I guess maybe I'm just the suspicious type but i think maybe I smell a rat. Nobody wslks in on their wife cheating and is ready to recocile the next day. Things don't seem to ad up here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

bankshot1993 said:


> I guess maybe I'm just the suspicious type but i think maybe I smell a rat. Nobody wslks in on their wife cheating and is ready to recocile the next day. Things don't seem to ad up here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think that many of us had figured this out. Hence all the wise cracking. Now the OP has figured it out that we figured it and and will probably stop posting.

I also think that we have a bunch more of these "types" of threads going on right now. BH's so inept at dealing and entitled, non-repentance WW's that you feel it can't be true.

It must be spring break for colleges, or something...


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Anyone noticed the amount of new members commenting ?

Looks like TAMs been promoting


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Personally, I could see reconciliation if the underlying problems are addressed. That has not happened from my view. 

First, what has she done with the other guy. I am not suggesting anything unlawful. That said, he crapped on you in your own house, and came back to let you know he did and it was no accident. After she saw him do that, she blamed you. 

I just don't see how anything has been resolved.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Oh FFS...
> 
> If you're going to reconcile, s*h*e needs a new job ASAP. As in 5 minutes ago last T*u*esday.
> 
> ...


Now where did I leave that old machine from the second world war :grin2::grin2:


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> Is the bolded h u d u d a secret code?


HUDUD - punishments mandated under Islamic law.

If you guys are right, 'someone' needs to be punished LOL:wink2:


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Check the "gay-workhusband" facebook page to see if HE is really gay. There should be pics, his status, his friends, etc.

There ARE straight guys who PRETEND to be gay, to disarm women and play the "I just haven't meet the right women yet" angle. :surprise:


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

See. Just spray a little of this and *Poof*! - They stop posting.:smile2:










Quote:
Originally Posted by bankshot1993 View Post
I guess maybe I'm just the suspicious type but i think maybe I smell a rat. Nobody wslks in on their wife cheating and is ready to recocile the next day. Things don't seem to ad up here.
Posted via Mobile Device



GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I think that many of us had figured this out. Hence all the wise cracking. Now the OP has figured it out that we figured it and and will probably stop posting.
> 
> I also think that we have a bunch more of these "types" of threads going on right now. BH's so inept at dealing and entitled, non-repentance WW's that you feel it can't be true.
> 
> It must be spring break for colleges, or something...


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Or... run back upstairs?


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Am so sorry about what happened to you. That's f*cked. 

You are probably pretty confused right now. The hate sex could have been a bit of a rebound response. (Lol "hate sex")

One thing really jumping out at me here is her continuing dishonesty. It could bevthst she herself is in denial but even that involves deliberate self deception to some degree. 

I can almost guarantee you that this was not the first time, that she certainly absolutely would have gone all the way had you not busted them, and that the fact they did this in your house with you home is brazen and complacent. 

She is not yet ready to be honest. If you are wanting to salvage, she needs to wake up quick smart. If not, then I hope you are able to heal from this ordeal and find happiness with someone else (and your dogs).


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

QuietSoul said:


> Am so sorry about what happened to you. That's f*cked.
> 
> You are probably pretty confused right now. The hate sex could have been a bit of a rebound response. (Lol "hate sex")
> 
> ...


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

What the hell is it? Spring Break?


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## sparrow555 (Jun 27, 2015)

Barkmann said:


> Here is what has happened since:
> 
> A mutual friend mediated a truce and we met in my studio, and talked. I told her flat out there is ZERO trust between us now, and that I never want her to be alone with another man other than myself again. If this supposid "gay man" comes back we're done.
> 
> ...




I was actually thinking that this was posted today and was about you to warn you about what happened. 

You caught them red handed and now she gave you compensation sex and you glorify it as hate sex ? Good ****ing @#$$... Did you atleast use protection ?


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## Fenris (Mar 4, 2014)

G.J. said:


> Anyone noticed the amount of new members commenting ?
> 
> Looks like TAMs been promoting


Wishes thread created a link to SI. SI folk weren't happy about that link being created. I'm not saying that A + B = T, but sometimes the math does work out that way.


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