# Male friends?



## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

How many real friends do you have?

Does your wife allow you to have friends?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

The Mighty Fred said:


> How many real friends do you have?


Enough, some from school, some I served with and some from other places.



> Does your wife allow you to have friends?


That's a bit weird, being married didn't and hasn't removed my autonomy. I do as I please as does my wife.

Of which I have male and female friends. Plus on various occasions throughout the time we have been married, I have once slept over at a woman friends place alone (on her lounge). And caught up for dinner with some other women friends individually, or with others all without my wife being there.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

The W and I don't "allow" each other to do stuff.

I find few men maintain friendships. I correspond w/ a handful of people, most of the ones who keep in touch are female. I send a holiday card to an old male friend and his wife, and his wife sends one back. 

Now that the pandemic is here, more men are keeping in touch via email.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

“Allow”???? Did you just say “allow”??? Wow...

I have five really good friends. Ones that I meet for lunch or dinner. Go to each other’s houses for kids bday parties. Watch sports with. Play poker with. Been away on vacation with two of them. Golfing in Myrtle Beach and football game in Minnesota. As crappy as my marriage was, I was always “allowed” to go. I never had to ask for permission and she wouldn’t expect me to anyway.

Unless you are up to no good (excessive drinking, womanizing or drugs), if she’s objecting to you having friends, it’s a big red flag.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

If there's any issue with your wife "allowing" or not allowing you regarding friends, why on Earth do you think she's gonna be open to you having a FWB ****fest with other women once a month like you want to have?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My husband is from Oz and moved to the UK age 30, so has no friends from that time now. We have lived in 4 different counties in the last few years so each time we have had to leave friends behind. We are both still in touch with some friends from previous places we have lived but mainly by email etc. We have lived where we do now for 7 months but due to covid havent been able to get to a church or to any groups or take up hobbies. He joins with a mens group on zoom once a week from where we lived before, and they all get on well and pray for each other and chat etc but hopefully in the next few months we can get out there and actually meet people in person and begin to make new friends. 
The only time I may not be happy about him having a particular male friend is if the male friend was a really bad influence say.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

male 53; i had two but one died in June and the other is 73; this is a real issue for me

wife is encouraging me to make more but people are so much work.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The Mighty Fred said:


> How many real friends do you have?
> 
> *Does your wife allow you to have friends?*


This explains why you want to "confirm dominance". 

Here is a clue: if you have to ask for permission, you aren't the dominant one.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

It would never occur to me to even think to either allow or disallow my husband to have friends. That just seems...bizarre....

My guy has 4 very good male friends. Most of them live too far away now for regular get-togethers. So, we make it a point to visit with each of them a couple times a year in either our town or theirs - either as couples or sometimes just the guys. He'll also meet up with them for dinner or drinks if they happen to be in the same area for work, as most of them are in the same field. And he talks to all of them via email, text, telephone or social media at least several times a month. 

He has other friends, mostly old military buddies, that he's not as close with but still maintains semi-regular contact. They'll get together if they find themselves in the same area.


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## Thisnotthat (Oct 28, 2020)

I have many male friends, mainly centered around activities such as biking and climbing... Honestly, they are essential for a happy guy life. Planning for a bike ride goes something like this: "riding XXX today, trailhead at 5:30, beer after". Response: "yup". And off we go. No baggage, no subtext, just a killer ride and a good time. I do not seek permission or approval for any of this.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

I am still close to my best pal from grade school, several of my college football teammates, and two of my best pals from the Corps. These extend over 50 years with my grade school pal, and 30 plus with football teammates and Corps.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

The Mighty Fred said:


> How many real friends do you have?
> 
> Does your wife allow you to have friends?


Real male friends? 6 that I could count on and talk with. Yes, my wife allows me to have friends. Why wouldn't she. I mean, unless it is a person of questionable character perhaps but I don't hang out with questionable characters.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

The Mighty Fred said:


> How many real friends do you have?
> 
> Does your wife allow you to have friends?


I have a good group of friends in town. We have a lot of guys night type things. We do football pools, we have a paddle tennis group, a cycling group, a mens steak club and we do mens ski trips. The event of the year is our football pool award dinner. We rent out a restaurant for the night and present the pool winner with a trophy. Usually we hold it during march madness which we also have a pool for. 

My wife encourages me to hang with the boys as she too has a similar group of ladies in town. 

We also have a lot of parties for both the guys and the girls.

Basically our town is like a college campus most of the time.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I have a handful of really close friends, some male, some female. Most now live far away, but I'm making some new - potentially great - friends in my new location. They are now _our_ friends to some degree.

There is no "allow" - we support and encourage each other to have friends and be happy in many ways.


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> This explains why you want to "confirm dominance".
> 
> Here is a clue: if you have to ask for permission, you aren't the dominant one.


You make too many assumptions. I'm thinking of a guy I once wanted to have a beer with. Hold your fire!!! peace!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The Mighty Fred said:


> You make too many assumptions. I'm thinking of a guy I once wanted to have a beer with. Hold your fire!!! peace!


Oh, you were asking for a friend. Okay.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

No Mrs Conan disallowed me from having male friends and insists I hang out with women instead. 😆

Or maybe I'm just posting for a friend?


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Oh, you were asking for a friend. Okay.


Plenty of time to throw out guesses, assumptions and hate.

I grew up in the era of sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. So I just see animosity here.

A guy I regularly play tennis with is on VERY short rope with his wife. She's the Air Traffic Controller of It All. Can hardly squeeze him out of her grips to play tennis once in a while. Sucks to be him. Some of us get beer in the summer after playing. He's screwed when it comes to this.

There's the backstory. Enjoy.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

The Mighty Fred said:


> A guy I regularly play tennis with is on VERY short rope with his wife. She's the Air Traffic Controller of It All. Can hardly squeeze him out of her grips to play tennis once in a while. Sucks to be him. Some of us get beer in the summer after playing. He's screwed when it comes to this.


Any man in such a grip is only in that grip because he chooses to be. His wife only has power over him, because he lets her.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The Mighty Fred said:


> Plenty of time to throw out guesses, assumptions and hate.
> 
> I grew up in the era of sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. So I just see animosity here.
> 
> ...


Did you have permission to say that ?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The Mighty Fred said:


> Plenty of time to throw out guesses, assumptions and hate.
> 
> I grew up in the era of sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. So I just see animosity here.
> 
> ...


Wow! Really? Go ahead and play victim if you like. Fine. That's ok. Whatever.


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Wow! Really? Go ahead and play victim if you like. Fine. That's ok. Whatever.


nice


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Livvie said:


> If there's any issue with your wife "allowing" or not allowing you regarding friends, why on Earth do you think she's gonna be open to you *having a FWB ****fest with other women* once a month like you want to have?


What does this have to do w/ anything in this thread?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

The Mighty Fred said:


> Plenty of time to throw out guesses, assumptions and hate.
> 
> I grew up in the era of sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. So I just see animosity here.
> 
> ...



Ahhh... but does it actually suck to be him?? Has he told you this? It’s really nice that you’re so worried about his mean wife. How’s your wife with you, do you do what you like, or discuss with her? Is she allowed to go out with the girls? (I’m not making any assumptions here about you either).

Maybe, maybe he doesn’t actually like having beers with the old boys club and can’t wait to see her or there are other reasons he wants to leave right after. Maybe that’s just the line the two of them have come up with so he can escape without making anyone feel less... masculine. ‘Cause I would hate to be the man in any group that says, ‘I don’t feel like having a drink, I really want to go and be alone with my wife, or I really feel tired after tennis and just want to rest, or I’ve actually stopped drinking for my health’. If you call his wife the controller of it all, what would you call him if his reasons for leaving weren’t because his wife wants him home?

My cousin is like this, we all love how good he is to his wife (his buddies are pretty awful to their wives) and he’s not ashamed of saying it. But the way the men talk about him is really really cruel. To us, he’s a bigger man than any of them and it’s sad how they demean him. His wife is not at all controlling either, they’re a great couple. But he’s confident enough to put her first.

A lot of pressure you all face, I really feel for men. 

My husband and I both have separate friends we see alone, sometimes we see them together. 

We both allow eachother to say ‘My husband won’t let me stay longer/my wife won’t let me do that’ in situations where we are dealing with really forceful obnoxious people, or situations where we can’t say no to others easily and don’t feel brave enough to be the odd one out. It’s our secret code... sometimes there’s even a secret phone call mid-event 😉 oops, I can’t stay any longer or drop you off - my husband is such a pain he needs me home right now, sheesh he ALWAYS does this (for the friend that always expects a lift when she’s ready to go home). :-D or my husband, who just doesn’t want that second beer because he actually doesn’t want to lose his job or get caught driving drunk says, ‘My wife won’t let me drink, I’m not allowed!’ That one is for the alcoholic who’s lost two marriages because of his drinking and thinks all boys should be free to get smashed 😁


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

Well, Lucky, I just know that he enjoys coming over to our house for a beer and talking with my wife and me when his sister has taken the kids out of state to visit relatives (he stays back working).

So what I'm saying is really real, and aspersions come off queer and mistaken.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> What does this have to do w/ anything in this thread?


It appeared he was asking about the wife "allowing" friend issue for himself. If he was, my comment was relevant.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Livvie said:


> It appeared he was asking about the wife "allowing" friend issue for himself. If he was, my comment was relevant.


It isn't clear to me how his interest in having friends amounts to him wanting "a FWB ****fest with other women once a month".


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

SpinyNorman said:


> It isn't clear to me how his interest in having friends amounts to him wanting "a FWB ****fest with other women once a month".


Check his other posts, everything will be so so clear.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> What does this have to do w/ anything in this thread?





Luckylucky said:


> Check his other posts, everything will be so so clear.


Thanks, it would have helped if the first reply would have provided this. 

I don't read every post in this forum, let alone memorize them.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Erm maybe like 4-5 people I would hang out and do stuff with for a long period of time.

A lot longer list for shorter commitments like getting lunch or something.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Personal said:


> Any man in such a grip is only in that grip because he chooses to be. His wife only has power over him, because he lets her.


THANK YOU!!!


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

My brothers are my closest male friends. My best friend (since 16 and my best man) has withdrawn from any form of socializing with me. Not sure what it is. I do not talk politics with him. I have a coupld of male friends that have dropped off the face of the earth in 2020. Will not give me the time of day in any form of contact. It breaks my heart honestly. That being said I have developed about couple more to take their place. I find that most men are starving for friendship with other men in mid life.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

RClawson said:


> My brothers are my closest male friends. My best friend (since 16 and my best man) has withdrawn from any form of socializing with me. Not sure what it is. I do not talk politics with him. I have a coupld of male friends that have dropped off the face of the earth in 2020. Will not give me the time of day in any form of contact. It breaks my heart honestly. That being said I have developed about couple more to take their place. I find that most men are starving for friendship with other men in mid life.


I too find that a lot of middle aged men don't maintain friendships and think this is unhealthy. I think there are some married women who feel they have veto power over their H's friends(as TS suggested) but they are a minority. 

It shocks me how many people's only socializing is their ancestors and their descendants.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

0. I'll stop and talk to people and co-workers briefly but hang out with? Nah. The closest thing I've got is an uncle I message with almost daily but that's it. 

I'm 37 now and the only wedding I've been invited to was when I was 15 or so, as part of a whole family invite. As an adult I've never been invited for a round of golf, to a birthday party, to watch sports. My neighbor invited me to drink beer one time indirectly through my now wife after he met me for the first time but I never took him up on it. Who wants to spend time with that guy.


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