# Guys, do you enjoy being sexually used?



## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Okay, all of my life, I've learned to not allow a man to use me sexually..which is why it has taken me SO long to accept my husband's invitation to just USE HIM when I need/want to. I always though it was wrong, mean, callous, selfish, etc..

TMI alert: 

I'm in the early, heavier stage of my period right now and last night we were playing around- I got highly aroused. Since we couldn't have PIV sex (tampon,) I held his d*** and used it on my c***. I was hesitant to but he encouraged me to go ahead, so I used him right up until I came...(he actually came to, so we both were all smiles!) 
I mean, once I realized he really, really was okay with it, I was too and could relax and let go. 

It's so interesting how as women, we are SO determined to NOT be used for sex, but men are more okay with it. 
That's obviously a massive generalization, but does that sound true, more often than not?

Thanks guys! : )


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

*excuse the typos!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

There's a difference between being available for physical release and being used. What you're describing of your husband is being available. I wouldn't have a problem with that at all.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
there is all the difference in the world between real abuse / domination and play abuse / domination.

Really using someone just for sex is a terrible thing to do - shades of abuse and rape. 

But - pretending to use someone for sex can be great fun for both. Just be sure everyone is on the same page and that the person being "used" has a way to stop the game (anything from saying "stop" to an actual safeword if you are roleplaying) if they become uncomfortable. 

So as as game, I'd be very happy to have my wife "use" me for her pleasure. She can tie me up, "force" me to give her oral, ride me for "her" pleasure - it would be great fun. Similarly some women may enjoy being picked up and thrown on thee bed to be "used" for his pleasure. Of course when playing these games its nice for the person in control to make sure the "victim" has an orgasm too. 

Not everyone enjoys this sort of game, but a lot of people do. Just ask how he would feel about being your sex slave for the evening and see if he smiles.....

Just keep very clear what is play and what is real.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I don't recall that ever happening to me, but I wouldn't mind at all. >


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> I'm in the early, heavier stage of my period right now and last night we were playing around- I got highly aroused. Since we couldn't have PIV sex (tampon,) I held his d*** and used it on my c***. I was hesitant to but he encouraged me to go ahead, so I used him right up until I came...(he actually came to, so we both were all smiles!)


I don't see where you used him. You two were fooling around, he was already hard, and you stimulated yourself to orgasm with his penis instead of him stroking you with his fingers. He was a full participant from the start, enjoyed the whole thing, and had an orgasm as well. All I see is that you found another way to orgasm with him during a sexual encounter, rather than PIV or oral or whatever.

When I think of someone using someone, it's a case where one partners wants theirs and the other partners isn't into it and the partner who wants theirs doesn't care that the other isn't into it. Your H was into it from the beginning.

That said, lots of guys are super turned on thinking that their partner wants to get off so bad that they would "use" them. It's like those rape fantasies a lot of women have - they aren't fantasizing about being raped, but about being with a guy who wants them so much they'll take them. Just like guys wouldn't really enjoy being used - i.e., when they aren't interested in sex but their partner doesn't care and just wants them to perform.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

karma*girl said:


> SO long to accept my husband's invitation to just USE HIM when I need/want to.


Make a note that it was HIM that invited you to use him and NOT YOU repeatedly harassing him to be able to do so. So he is in control and giving you his blessings to do so.

Imagine yourself being completely OK with something sexually and your husband not ever having the self confidence to ask for something. If you told him it was OK for him to just do certain things to you anytime he wanted, you would likely perceive this as a loving way to help build his self confidence. 

On a completely different note I enjoy reading things all over the internet, and in various lifestyles there are couples that enjoy using men for sex. It is also generally accepted that men are much more predisposed to enjoy this than women are. This is also the reason you do not find many male prostitutes, because there are a great number of men out in the world that would enjoy the opportunity to be used and be willing to do so at no cost. 

In your context, I am sure your husband loves you and wants to help build your self confidence, because he is not going anywhere and wants you to be happy! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

* I think men have not been brainwashed by feminism.
* They anyway are not made to feel powerless most of the time.
* 'Being used' is also part of the sub-dom game!
* I'd get turned on to know my partner was using me for her pleasure.
* A guy feels great to know he's sexually exciting a woman (your H came!)
* I'd love to play the 'dumb guy's' role and just be used to pleasure my woman.
* To get a woman to be active in sex is something many guys long for, don't get!
* In a relationship, it's fine to 'use' each other alternatively, if neither minds


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

I think a man would feel "used" by a woman if SHE got off and stopped having sex with him _before_ HE got off.

How often do you think a man would allow that to happen before he either told the woman that she HAD to get him off too, or he left her? 

I can guarantee you that most men probably wouldn't be too happy with that 'arrangement'. 

And why WOMEN put up with it--in some cases, DECADE after DECADE--is beyond me...


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I define using someone for sex a bit differently. For me, using someone means having unemotional sex for the sole purpose of obtaining release. Both parties can be using each other at the same time.

DH has asked me to use him and seems to enjoy it very much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Vega said:


> I think a man would feel "used" by a woman if SHE got off and stopped having sex with him _before_ HE got off.
> 
> How often do you think a man would allow that to happen before he either told the woman that she HAD to get him off too, or he left her?
> 
> I can guarantee you that most men probably wouldn't be too happy with that 'arrangement'....


Rule 34 of the internet says otherwise. Look up "tease and denial," look up "male chastity." It is a big enough "market" to support a couple of porn industries. 

Would a guy not put up with it in a "heathy/traditional relationship?" Probably, but there are a lot of unhealthy relationships and nontraditional relationships out there.

Urban Dictionary: Rule 34


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Depends on who's doing the using.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

karma*girl said:


> ...It's so interesting how as women, we are SO determined to NOT be used for sex, but men are more okay with it.
> That's obviously a massive generalization, but does that sound true, more often than not? Thanks guys! : )


It probably all depends on what you mean by "used."

If a married woman came onto a single man to have sex with him but told him she was single that would be using him for sex. Depending on the guy, it could be very disrespectful as well.

Your example was more along the lines of using the body parts of a willing partner for your own sexual pleasure. I really didn't see you "using him" in any kind of disrespectful sense. We could have stopped if he wanted.

On the other hand, if you were a sadist and into whipping someone for sexual pleasure and you captured someone, tied them up or even if you lured your husband into being tied up and started to torture him by whipping him for your sexual pleasure, either man might file police charges against you the next day. That is an example of "using a man" for your sexual satisfaction against his will in a harmful/disrespectful way. 

Walking up to a man you didn't know and dry humping his thigh without his permission until you achieve sexual release would get you arrested in most places. Most guys would ask you to please stop and leave me along.

Good luck, just make sure you have a willing partner.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

badsanta said:


> Make a note that it was HIM that invited you to use him and NOT YOU repeatedly harassing him to be able to do so. So he is in control and giving you his blessings to do so.
> 
> Cheers,
> Badsanta


Nailed it.

Difference between being used and being available is right here. Standing invitation.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Young at Heart said:


> Walking up to a man you didn't know and dry humping his thigh without his permission until you achieve sexual release would get you arrested in most places. Most guys would ask you to please stop and leave me along.


Are you sure?

I guess it would depend on factors like age, looks, how whacko you are, etc 

Also, I expect at least a few guys would say: "Can't we do it somewhere else?"

Sorry for selling out on my gender. But the sex-mismatch is really so imbalanced. Which is why we seldom hear of men getting raped


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My wife can use me all she wants.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

There is a fine line between feeling desired on a purely physical level and feeling used. The first is great, and what a lot of men deeply want, the other, not so much. That line is in the eye of the beholder.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Great insight, everyone, thank you so much! 
I never thought of it as 'being available,' only 'used.' That sounds much better though. 
Probably because he says it that way.."Go ahead, use me how you want, etc..." So it got me thinking about how he likes being used even though the consensus among a majority of women is that being 'used' would be a negative thing. 
However, being in a good relationship, I've found that I find tons of pleasure in him 'using' me too. If it were a random guy, no. 
There needs to be that foundation for me to be able to relax and enjoy it. 
Knowing we're secure is the key point in allowing me to let things happen that I might not allow outside of a solid relationship.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> Okay, all of my life, I've learned to not allow a man to use me sexually..which is why it has taken me SO long to accept my husband's invitation to just USE HIM when I need/want to. I always though it was wrong, mean, callous, selfish, etc..
> 
> TMI alert:
> 
> ...


Once trust and intimacy has been established, there is no such thing as using your partner....That's the whole point, you are PARTNERS...I have read women on tam saying their partner VIOLATED them by attempting intercourse while they were asleep....My wife and I did this all the time, seeing how far each of us could get before the other woke up...total openness and trust is liberating...


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## TAMNewb (Oct 24, 2015)

brownmale said:


> Are you sure?
> 
> I guess it would depend on factors like age, looks, how whacko you are, etc


http://www.nbcnews.com/video/twerking-ends-with-sexual-assault-arrest-for-d-c-woman-564224067758


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Agree with others. I am always available but no to being used. I have been before and it's not cool.


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## TAMNewb (Oct 24, 2015)

karma*girl said:


> Probably because he says it that way.."Go ahead, use me how you want, etc..." So it got me thinking about how he likes being used even though the consensus among a majority of women is that being 'used' would be a negative.


Probably just a difference of mindset among genders. 

If my wife said "go ahead and use me", it would make think it was duty sex.

If I said that, it would be coming from a place where I actually felt served a purpose sexually other than an emotional bond. Wouldn't complain at all being the "right tool" for the job.


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## cosquin (Sep 16, 2014)

Probably women have been brainwashed by the feminism (as someone suggested already). I love to be used by my wife. Anything that she asked me, I would do willingly. Unfortunately does not work in reverse (most likely due to the mentioned brainwashing that women are suffering)


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

I've been a "Boy Toy" for a few partners and I didn't mind. I did become emotionally attached to one though (She was beautiful, 14 years my senior, a VP for a bank) and when she finally told me that she was dating another married man and she just wanted me to bang her for awhile...it hurt.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

richie33 said:


> My wife can use me all she wants.


Agreed. That would be such a turn on (for a guy!)

Just the thought of providing sexual pleasure to a dominant woman, who knows what she wants... and how to get it!

I've often told my partners: "use me ... as your masturbatory toy".


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

I would love for Wife to _use me_ like that from time to time.


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

God damn in I need to change partners.......


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> Walking up to a man you didn't know and dry humping his thigh without his permission until you achieve sexual release would get you arrested in most places. Most guys would ask you to please stop and leave me along.


1. I've never heard of a woman being arrested for that, which of course doesn't mean that it has never happened.
2. I suspect most men would find that very interesting 0, assuming of course that you are at least averagely attractive. >

Men and women are different!


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

technovelist said:


> 1. I've never heard of a woman being arrested for that, which of course doesn't mean that it has never happened.
> 2. I suspect most men would find that very interesting 0, assuming of course that you are at least averagely attractive. >
> 
> Men and women are different!


Don't women get money stuffed in their undies for doing just that in clubs?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

YES


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Woodchuck said:


> Don't women get money stuffed in their undies for doing just that in clubs?


Men do too.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

MountainRunner said:


> Men do too.


Of course both men and women who do that for pay are in a venue where the targets of that behavior are in charge rather than being random strangers on the street.

And there are probably 1000 women doing it in a strip joint for every man who does.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband has joked about me "using him".. he'd just give a big :smile2: & tell me "come on baby".. all for it...it's sex , he would say something like "Who doesn't want sex"?! but he knows it's so much deeper ...what we share.. and he always gets his (or almost always.. sometimes he'd tell me he can wait till the next day).. but there was always a happiness there -from him.. that he satisfied me..

When my sex drive surged...I just couldn't get enough.. If I had my way, we would have been in bed 3 times a day... even then.. he didn't turn me away...(I did try to calm my jets limiting it to once a day)...he told me to come to him EVERY TIME, to put my toys away..... 

What I come to learn is.. with a man like mine.. *his fantasies * have always been -more the female coming on to him....something about a hot desirous woman wanting to use him for her pleasure.. that turns him on!! 

I must admit, understanding this - made me feel less of a burden , as I *was * pushing his limits for a time.....had he been one of those men who preferred "subtle" from their wives...we would have had some issues.. I really enjoyed sexing him up...getting him going... it was a great ride for both of us.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Thousands of years of patriarchy have taught women to dislike sex, as young girls we are told to stay pure until marriage. Most men prefer the women with only a few previous sexual partners over the ones with more experience. This leads most women to grow avoiding sex.

Feminism is teaching women that we can enjoy sex too, as much as men. S!utshaming of women who enjoy sex must stop, we must teach young girls that their bodies are good regardless of societal pressures to stay pure, and that they can enjoy sex too. Just like the boys are taught.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

techmom said:


> Thousands of years of patriarchy have taught women to dislike sex, as young girls we are told to stay pure until marriage. Most men prefer the women with only a few previous sexual partners over the ones with more experience. This leads most women to grow avoiding sex.
> 
> Feminism is teaching women that we can enjoy sex too, as much as men. S!utshaming of women who enjoy sex must stop, we must teach young girls that their bodies are good regardless of societal pressures to stay pure, and that they can enjoy sex too. Just like the boys are taught.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I couldn't agree more. :smthumbup:

It took years for me to discover my sexuality because I thought I wasn't supposed to "want it" and certainly not discuss it. I accepted whatever I was given in my marriage and didn't talk about my own needs. I didn't even know I could! 

I'm in a new relationship and we discuss everything. I shared with him the fact that I have an anonymous social media account that contains clips, pictures, quotes, of things I like (sexual mainly) or would love to try. His response via text after he checked it out was "wow, you are a dirty girl" to which I immediately took offense ie. ****-shamed myself, but corrected my thought process and responded "thanks!". His response "Lol, I love that you are so open about what you want. It is delightfully refreshing. Please keep sharing." 
I realized that if he had responded negatively - in other words, if he thought I was a "****" and meant "dirty girl" in a negative way, he wasn't someone I wanted in my life anyways. I'm done with suppressing who I am and what I want!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

techmom said:


> Thousands of years of patriarchy have taught women to dislike sex, as young girls we are told to stay pure until marriage. Most men prefer the women with only a few previous sexual partners over the ones with more experience. This leads most women to grow avoiding sex.
> 
> *Feminism is teaching women that we can enjoy sex too, as much as men. S!utshaming of women who enjoy sex must stop, we must teach young girls that their bodies are good regardless of societal pressures to stay pure, and that they can enjoy sex too. Just like the boys are taught.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know who it was before on this thread who said that women were brainwashed by feminism to dislike sex, etc... and they are totally wrong. Feminism empowers us to be as sexual as we want to be, to embrace our sexuality and our sexual needs, whatever they may be. And for some women, that means being sexually dominant with their partner.

So men, if your woman uses you for her sexual pleasure, and you enjoy it... thank feminism.

:grin2:


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## D1C (Aug 29, 2015)

Yes, I do....


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## Reaper39 (Nov 25, 2015)

I for one enjoy being used for sex, my sexual fetishes put me in that position. I love to be used for oral sex as she sits on my face and orgasm and drip all over my face.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> So men, if your woman uses you for her sexual pleasure, and you enjoy it... thank feminism.
> 
> :grin2:


Don't know how I missed this, but I agree wholeheartedly FIP. I do love my feminists...but I think I made that abundantly clear quite some time ago.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> What I come to learn is.. with a man like mine..* his fantasies  have always been -more the female coming on to him....something about a hot desirous woman wanting to use him for her pleasure.. that turns him on!! *


Totally. Nothing hotter than a woman who makes it known that she lusts for her man. Works for me too. WOOF!  >


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