# Need help with facebook



## kingstory (May 28, 2009)

I'm getting married soon. I want my wife not to use facebook/my space/etc. I think the best way is to convince her that social networking is not good for a marriage. Anyone have any good reason/arguments I could use to convince her? Or do you have a better way of achieving my goal?


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

Don't tell your wife what she can or can't do. It's not the social networking program its the person that uses it. If you don't trust your wife to use social networking then there are underlying issues that go far beyond Facebook/Myspace etc.

Address your trust issues and stop blaming Facebook.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

My husband created a website for us after we got married...It is mainly professional information for us both, but you could suggest something along the lines of a shared page somewhere where you could keep friends posted on your life, vacations, etc.

One argument against those types of pages is that if they are not private, most potential employers look there before they hire and people can put some pretty unprofessional messages/pictures out there.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

What is it you're afraid your wife is going to be doing on Facebook/Myspace?


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

A joint page would be best.


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## Captiosus (May 25, 2009)

Veronica Jackson said:


> Don't tell your wife what she can or can't do. It's not the social networking program its the person that uses it. If you don't trust your wife to use social networking then there are underlying issues that go far beyond Facebook/Myspace etc.
> 
> Address your trust issues and stop blaming Facebook.



Have to say I agree 100% with the above.

There's nothing wrong with social networking sites at all. I have regained many of my old high school friends, both male and female, plus been able to be in better contact with distant relatives, thanks to Facebook.

Ditto for my wife. She is able to talk to old high school friends she hasn't talked to in 20 years. Nothing wrong with that.

If you're worried about her finding "someone else" on Facebook or Myspace, the problem isn't Facebook or Myspace.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

if you don't trust her why get married?


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## SandyR (May 26, 2009)

Veronica Jackson said:


> Don't tell your wife what she can or can't do. *It's not the social networking program its the person that uses it.* If you don't trust your wife to use social networking then there are underlying issues that go far beyond Facebook/Myspace etc.
> 
> Address your trust issues and stop blaming Facebook.


Yes to all of it, but especially the bolded part!

In no way has having a social networking profile hindered my marriage. Both my husband and I have had one for well over half of our marriage. We don't have all the same friends, but we share a lot. We do different things on them such as different interest groups (I even mod a group on one social site), but mainly use them as contact between friends and family. It has helped both of us keep close to everyone we know & love. We are on each others "friend list" and have passwords to each others accounts, but that isn't bc of trust issues... I personalize all of his thing and keep it updated with new pictures, lol. Without me his profiles would be about a year out of date 

If you are having trust issues over something like this I would suggest maybe a joint acct or having their profile readily available to you (ie having their password).


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

geesh...
you are already showing signs of being a control freak...
to tell your wife what she can and can't do.

I do not have a facebook or myspace profile but it's not because my husband told me not to !


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

It seems natural to be jealous of who your wife contacts. It is just as easy for her to meet someone in real life to cheat or get too emotionally attached to. 

On the other hand, online activities had totalled ruined my marriage. My husband and I escape from our marriage and real life by going online. If all the combined time that he and I spent online with others were channeled into our marriage and kids, we would have an amazing marriage, and probably have enough time and energy left over to change the world. But it didn't happen that way, I am still complaining about everything here (online.)


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

SandyR said:


> Yes to all of it, but especially the bolded part!
> 
> In no way has having a social networking profile hindered my marriage. Both my husband and I have had one for well over half of our marriage. We don't have all the same friends, but we share a lot. We do different things on them such as different interest groups (I even mod a group on one social site), but mainly use them as contact between friends and family. It has helped both of us keep close to everyone we know & love. We are on each others "friend list" and have passwords to each others accounts, but that isn't bc of trust issues... I personalize all of his thing and keep it updated with new pictures, lol. Without me his profiles would be about a year out of date
> 
> If you are having trust issues over something like this I would suggest maybe a joint acct or having their profile readily available to you (ie having their password).


:iagree: with this, me and my husband, both have facebook accounts and know each others passwords. We have too much of a life to be in it 100%, but we check once in a while, and I have found a lot of my high school friends there. There is nothing wrong with social networking, if is done responsible and with maturity, trust is one of the most important points of marriage. but I agree you can have a joint account.

Good luck


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

LaBella has it right, my wife and I both have FB accounts, we know each other's PWs, and we are both listed as married to each other on there under relationship status.

FB and MS are not evil, but they can be used for evil by the wrong people. FB/MS don't break up marriages, people who use them inappropriately break up marriages.

Just have an open and honest relationship, nothing behind closed doors or unknown passwords.

The best definition of integrity I ever saw was "doing what is right, even if no one is looking or will find out". That's how a marriage should be.

Oh, and you want to piss her off quick? Try to tell her she can't be on FB/MS anymore, even if you find some study on the internet that says FB/MS is bad for marriages.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

we have accounts i know my husbands details to log in he knows mine ive not used his ever and ive nothing to hide ..

ITS CALLED TRUST f/b doesnt end marriages its how people use the sites that do


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

Sensitive said:


> online activities had totalled ruined my marriage. My husband and I escape from our marriage and real life by going online.


It's not the online activities, it's the need you each feel/felt to escape your marriage. A happy, satisfied spouse is never "lured away" by someone or something else. 

To the OP, please don't propose/get married when you feel like this. It is a really bad way to start a marriage. If you cannot face your spouse having other close friends in her life, you have some serious self-esteem issues to resolve. No ONE person can meet all our needs; we all need others. You need to accept this if you want to have a successful marriage. Good luck.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Veronica Jackson said:


> Don't tell your wife what she can or can't do. It's not the social networking program its the person that uses it. If you don't trust your wife to use social networking then there are underlying issues that go far beyond Facebook/Myspace etc.
> 
> Address your trust issues and stop blaming Facebook.


Totally agree with Veronica here... Spot on.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I must say, I have a myspace, no facebook though. The my space has linked me up with old high school girlfriends and other friends I'd lost track of, though. I see nothing wrong with it unless using it for the wrong reasons. Then it;s not the meduim, but the user who is at fault.

My hubby has neither. I do tell him what is going on with my friends though, as a lot of them are his friends. I have nothing to hide, and have no prob with him looking over my shoulder.

If she is hiding something from you, yes, be concerned. If not, then let her have her page. It's a great way to keep up with old friends.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I was using FB to avoid my husband. Now that we are on our way to divorce, my interest has fallen dramatically. I agree with the people who say it's not FB, it's the marriage that's the issue. I had been on FB for quite some time, not using it much, but when trouble started in my marriage, I took refuge in my old friends--which was very comforting and helpful, frankly. I always stay connected to them, but my chat time escalated. Now, I just call the ones I still want to talk with. The only difference was, privacy. I could chat about my problems even with kids in the room. Now my phone calls are not so serious and we are back to our friendship without my needing so much support, so the calls can take place amidst my family life, too.


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