# Horrible Dreams



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I keep having a recurring dream where my stbxw is in the bedroom having sex with another guy. I'm in the corner of the room watching them, and she can tell I'm there because she keeps looking over at me and winking.

Then she says how much better the new guy is better than me.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

He's not better than you. He choose to cheat with a mans wife. That does in no way make him better. I can tell you her cheating is to fulfill her own insequirities. It most likely had nothing to do with you.

Get yourself a dream catcher. Native Americans believed if you hung them in the room you sleep in it will catch your dreams. It will keep the bad ones and the good ones will filter down the middle and into your thoughts. When the sun rises in the morning it will burn up the bad dreams left behind in the web. 

I've developed a lot of low self esteem issues from my situation. You are newer to this....don't let it get the best of you or you will fall further down in the hole and I can tell you it is very hard down here and very difficult to climb out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

A Trolling Horrible Dream..?

Btw Dreams have their impacts


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Stryker,
What do you mean dreams have their impact? What impact is there for my mind to have me witness the person I'm still trying not to love anymore get plowed by someone else?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The dream is most likely something that is mulling around in your mind.. probably in your subconcious.

Perhaps you can make some plans that in your next dream you have some snappy come back to her and then say it. I cannot thing of one right now but something about how she's picked a real loser.

I used to have a lot of nightmares. It was to the point that I dreaded going to sleep. Then one day I realized that mightmares are a lot like scary movies... (I hate scary movies). You and either watch it and munch on popcorn or you can walk out (or turn off the TV). 

From then on when I started to have a nightmare.. my sleeping mind would just say "oh boy" and turn it off. After doing that a few times I don't have nightmares any more.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It's all part of the process. You are going through a withdrawl, just like a junkie coming off heroin. The dream is not real, only a manifestation of your anxieties.

This is healthy. If you were not having such dreams, I would be very worried. That would mean your brain is not processing the anxiety and pain you are suffering emotionally. 

You are healthy, sane and okay! 

Your subconscious mind is changing your brain to learn to live without the stimuli your wife used to provide. Let the dreams come, and tell yourself that they are what thet are. They are not real.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Bandit,
Thanks bro. I'm still trying to get my self confidence back that someone other than her could want me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Alot of men want her.... for one thing only. And once you put yourself out on the market, alot of women are going to be squeezing you to see if you're fresh.

Get to it!


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Thanks man


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I know some people who have been able to learn lucid dreaming. If you could control your dreams, it might make you feel really good to go kick the OM in the cojones. :FIREdevil: 
Bandit is right -- your subconscious is helping you to work through things -- things you already know about and things you fear. It will take time, but it will get better (speaking from experience here).


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I had a similar thing. I am still paying for "her bed". They have passed. Yours will too. Like everyone has said, part of the process. Feel free to message me.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

So I've started suffering from this just this week. Had 3 nights of horrible STBX having sex w/ the new man dreams and then last night had one about her coming back to me and reconciling. I have to admit that was alot easier one to take :scratchhead:
Not healthy but it sure was wonderful.

I recently found out that she had our bed taken by movers to his house (had told me she was taking it to her new place). I think that is what set the dreams off for me. I went on a quest for answers and most people say that they will subside. I'm accepting that these dreams are part of the process and keeping my Valium close to my bed. I just get up and take one and I'm fine after about 20 minutes. 

It is so awful, every part of it, but the dreams have such a big impact. I hope you realize that it is a manifestation of the rejection we feel. That this is the worst thing that could ever happen to us and it really isn't all that different from what you feel all day every day.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Thank goodness it's not just me! Lately, I've been having terrible dreams. Like he got another woman pregnant, or that he confessed affairs. AWFUL dreams. I feel like when I feel good for an extended period of time, something has to bring me back down, whether it be his actions (I know I control my feelings, but I still hurt) or these damn dreams!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Juba said:


> So I've started suffering from this just this week. Had 3 nights of horrible STBX having sex w/ the new man dreams and then last night had one about her coming back to me and reconciling. I have to admit that was alot easier one to take :scratchhead:
> Not healthy but it sure was wonderful.
> 
> I recently found out that she had our bed taken by movers to his house (had told me she was taking it to her new place). I think that is what set the dreams off for me. I went on a quest for answers and most people say that they will subside. I'm accepting that these dreams are part of the process and keeping my Valium close to my bed. I just get up and take one and I'm fine after about 20 minutes.
> ...


My H (the dumper) actually told me that he was having those dreams about me and someone else about 4 - 6 wks into the 'fight.' Some of my dreams have been of us having sex not w/ him and someone else (maybe I make that happen). 
I wonder if those dreams are more likely to be had by males? 

My dreams are more about him abandoning us and giving up is what I have recurring dreams of (now watch my dreams will change). I generally do take control in my dreams to turn them around, but nowadays I often wake up before I can play director.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Mama,
Two days ago I had a dream where my stbxw and I were together again, and every time I went to kiss her and try to get romantic she would run away from me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yellowsubmarine (Feb 3, 2012)

I've only had two dreams thus far. In one, my husband tries to make it work by going over to a hotel that is by a cliff, by the ocean. It's raining, and everything is gray. Then, he just leaves me hanging. So, an old man that is sitting next to me while I wait for a bus (apparently, in my dream, it was the only way out of there!) tells me that he has gone back to her. This old man does give me a name - but I forgot.

In the second dream, after retiring from the military, he becomes a cook at Olive Garden.

My husband has strayed, but I do not have dreams of him having sex with someone else. 

While I do feel lonely at times, I don't have to deal with his passive aggressiveness. It was his personality and the unnatural reactions that made me so uncomfortable. He was weird, but I just got used to it.

People may have a different view, but I think I could have overlooked a fling in the long haul. It was more of an emotional detachment that had me torn, cruel comments, cruel actions, and inactions on matters of consequence.

My sister advised me that I would have weird dreams to. Apparently, it's just part of the process.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

@Yellow,
I would be happy if I only had two bad dreams, I've had bad dreams almost every night for the last three months since we separated. It's been horrible. In one dream my stbxw is getting raped, and Im watching but paralyzed to do anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> @Yellow,
> I would be happy if I only had two bad dreams, I've had bad dreams almost every night for the last three months since we separated. It's been horrible. In one dream my stbxw is getting raped, and Im watching but paralyzed to do anything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That would be hard to watch. Start trying to take control of your dreams. I have done it for a long time... not that it works all the time... but it helps. What I try to do is not to open my eyes if it wakes me and try to go back to that dream and play "director."
I also try to go to sleep w/ a happier thought. Well maybe not happy... I am trying to go to sleep thinking about moving on and dating. Just something other than HIM or my situation. I literally try to make myself daydream before I fall asleep. I am a visual person so I try to picture it before I go to sleep.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Mama I will try that. I have my kids spending the night tonight, and I've noticed that the dreams seem to happen when I don't have anyone with me. So hopefully I will rest easy tonight, I'll cuddle with one of my babies tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Mama I will try that. I have my kids spending the night tonight, and I've noticed that the dreams seem to happen when I don't have anyone with me. So hopefully I will rest easy tonight, I'll cuddle with one of my babies tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will sleep well tonight! 
My younger kids have pretty much slept with me since my H moved out. At first it was the youngest (because I have the space - his idea) but now I have a few of them that pretty much end up in my bed if that's not where they fall asleep. Great bonding time.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah its the bonding time I really look forward to with them. I miss my old house, we had a king size bed, every weekend on Saturday and Sunday the kids would come crawl in bed with us to snuggle., God I miss that. I'm a physical touch love language type of person, so being deprived of that has been killer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What are you eating before you go to bed? I hear our diets can effect our dreams. Also what are you not eating?

I would look into any coilation between your evening diet and dreams. You may find a food that will counter act the nightmare you are currently having.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You should not eat anything after 6:00 p.m. Nothing. Anything eaten after that time is either fuel for bad dreams or more fat on the spare tire.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I dream of falling and hitting the ground all the time. I dream of suffocating a lot as well.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> You should not eat anything after 6:00 p.m. Nothing. Anything eaten after that time is either fuel for bad dreams or more fat on the spare tire.


Nonsense! There's nothing better than a bag of Cheetos and a trashy romance novel right before bedtime. Well, actually there is, but the Cheetos and novel will have to do for now. :sleeping:

I actually haven't had terrible dreams about STBXH since I moved out. I had the dreams of walking in on him and some random OW and them laughing at me as they were in bed, but that was actually years ago. Maybe my dreams were more prophetic than I thought.

I think the Ambien is keeping me from having as many dreams now, too. Probably a blessing. Daytime is hard enough.


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## talkitout (Feb 21, 2012)

I haven't had any bad dreams, but then I again I don't dream much. The hardest part for me is when I wake up in the morning and realize another day alone. That's the hardest part of my day.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

During the last two weeks I wake up @ 330 or 4 even though I am on meds but yet get woken by something and I can't get back to sleep. I know sometimes it's been dreams other times I just don't know.

I don't even get home from work some days until after 6. 
But those thai curry soup and nachos w/ hot jalapenos was a very bad decision for dinner. I really need to get to the store.


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