# Do men need desire, passion, and intimacy to feel like a man?



## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

I, like many of you men and women out there are in a similar position. My wife will have sex with me, pity sex, to make me feel better, says she does not need it as often, once a week is enough and even that once a week she just lays there, or I get a "hey you want to get it on?" She never takes control, RARELY initiates, is never the aggresor. 

I did a test this morning, not even with sex. I woke up and wasn't really in the mood to talk, I was tired and woke up just before I needed to get in the shower. She was home getting ready for work also. I did not say a word, I did this to see if she would be the one to initiate a conversation with me. Right before I was done getting ready I asked is everyhting ok? She said well you haven't said a word so neither am I... 

I couldn't believe what I heard.. I told her I just wasnt in the mood to talk, and I asked her, why didnt you just ask me if everything is ok, why didnt you just say honey I love you? Instead she got pissed because I wasnt talking... who does this? 

Anyway to my original point, because of this, this lack of aggresion on her part in pretty much all aspects of life makes me, the man, feel pretty insecure, lack of confidence in general. Do not get me wrong I am a good looking guy, in decent shape, I get attention from women at work but do not take it anywhere because I am married... I kinda wish now I explored my options a little more. 

Am I alone in feeling this way? How does this make women feel in the opposite?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Pravius said:


> I couldn't believe what I heard.. I told her I just wasnt in the mood to talk, and I asked her, why didnt you just ask me if everything is ok, why didnt you just say honey I love you? Instead she got pissed because I wasnt talking... who does this?


Right or wrong I do this. If I sense my partner is making a point of not talking to me then I assume she wants space and I don't talk to her. I'm very comfortable not talking so it doesn't bother me. I could potentially go a long time without talking.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Is she a reader? Are you? Try a couple of books, His Needs, Her Needs, and The 5 Love Languages. 

Sounds like she has a passive aggressive thing going on with you. Do you do the same to her?


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## Enchanted (Jan 2, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Right or wrong I do this. If I sense my partner is making a point of not talking to me then I assume she wants space and I don't talk to her. I'm very comfortable not talking so it doesn't bother me. I could potentially go a long time without talking.


So you give each other the silent treatment and wait to see who wins.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

I believe they do, just as much as women need to communicate.

This has been a good read because although the author discusses mens needs she outlines them in juxtaposition with women's needs. 

For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men: Shaunti Feldhahn: 9781590523179: Amazon.com: Books


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

the passive aggressive stuff needs to stop and so does the testing of each other.
yes I believe a man needs desire,passion,and intimacy to feel like a man but I also think women need those things to feel like a woman.Well,I do anyway.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

His Needs Her Needs will shed some light on this IMO. She likely feels like you are deliberately holding back on supporting her needs (conversation/joint decision making and parenting/honesty and trust in my wife's case). It is passive aggressive in truth, but it is hard spoon feeding all of her needs when your needs are ignored, or worse questioned. 

It is interesting that your experiment withheld from her for a very brief time and it rang like a gong to her. I find that I can put my needs on a shelf for 2, 3 or 4 days but then I start to detach and do my own thing. My wife, like yours senses her needs going unmet IMMEDIATELY, starts to feel insecure and lashes out with s**t tests. I can always be ready for them and you will too once you see the dance a few times.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

We have been together for 8 years and this has been going on for all of it. I openly admit there have been times in the past where I have been passive aggresive with her because it's the only thing I feel like I can do to get this through to her. I have tried every other angle and while I understand being passive aggresive is not the best thing its how my resentment and frustration comes out. 

Saying that, I have changed that part about me within the last year. I no longer get angry because it is my expectation that nothing will happen. I honestly feel like I need to stop trying. 

Just two days ago I left work early (and I do this stuff OFTEN) and stopped and got a dozen roses, 100 candles, nice relaxing bath salts. While she was at work I set up the candles in our room, the kitchen, and the bathroom, drew a bath. I went out and got her favorite food and had it ready. 

She got home to a nice warm bath, romantic setting, flowers the whole shebang. She came home, acted really surprised which was nice, said how nice it was and how sweet I was. It stopped right there. She could not move it to the next step, she just waited for me to approch her, guide her into the bedroom, put her on her back, I undressed her, and she just sat there and let me do all this. Don't get me wrong I am greatful that she lets me do this, but I want her to take control, just sometimes. I want to feel her passion, her desire, and when she just sits on her back and waits for me to go to pound town, it's not very fun.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

I should also note, I made an appointment to see a therapist today. Another note, my wife promised me that she would make an appointment with a therapist because she knows she has these issues. She told me this about a month ago. I have been trying to give her some space (I am the warm partner obviously) and did not want to nag on her to make this appointment. 

About a week went by, nothing. I finally asked after about 2 weeks, "Did you get in touch with the therapist"... "No but I will soon, I prmoise"... I think ok, she is busy at work, she keeps acknowledging that she has these issues, says she wants them fixed, I will give her time. 

I never asked again about it and the appointment still has not been made. When I expressed all of this to her last night, she kept telling me "Ask the therapist about why I do that"... I said no this is about me, I need to talk to them about me, you want to know you make your own appointment.... I also said the therapist is going to need to ask you questions, you are the one with the issue not me, if you want this fixed you have to put in the work. She knows I am here for her. I would do anything for her. 

I have sacrificed so many things in this marriage. I sacrificed kids (she can't have kids, doesnt want them, I did but sacrificed to be with her), sacrificed my time helping her raise her child from a previous marriage, my time taking care of her, I can't sacrifice anymore, not this.

It's like she is just being so incredibly selfish and lazy. She told me last night while I was expressing these exact concerns that she is afraid of the other shoe dropping, I said what shoe... she said divorce... I said the only way we are getting divorced is if you keep doing what you are doing... nothing... try, put in effort, or else you will need to worry about the other shoe... I just dont get it.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

She's deciding wether or not she wants to make the effort that's why she has been postponing the therapist appointment. 

She feels nothing for you at the moment.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

CanadianGuy said:


> She's deciding wether or not she wants to make the effort that's why she has been postponing the therapist appointment.
> 
> She feels nothing for you at the moment.


You may be right, but why would she not just leave? I have asked her millions of times and we are honest with each other if she still finds me attractive, if she still does love me like she used to, and she constantly reassures me that she does. 

Wouldnt it just be easier to say no and let this all be done if thats the case?

Also she likes being around me, she will sometimes get close and cuddle, she will initiate kisses sometimes and hugs which is nice... why would she even do that if she is just done?


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

She thinks that cuddling and kissing is one of your needs. It is a form of intimacy that often leads to sex so I imagine she thinks she is giving you something you need. I think it is difficult for women to grasp that men feel love through sex. And that does not exactly mean the woman ALLOWING the man to make LOVE to her.

You are questioning if she finds you attractive and she can't let herself go enough to show you that. Does she ever drop all those guards, say if she has been drinking?

I don't think its ever easiest to blow things up and walk away. This is your initiative to fix a problem she could probably live with.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

Cre8ify said:


> She thinks that cuddling and kissing is one of your needs. It is a form of intimacy that often leads to sex so I imagine she thinks she is giving you something you need. I think it is difficult for women to grasp that men feel love through sex. And that does not exactly mean the woman ALLOWING the man to make LOVE to her.
> 
> You are questioning if she finds you attractive and she can't let herself go enough to show you that. Does she ever drop all those guards, say if she has been drinking?
> 
> I don't think its ever easiest to blow things up and walk away. This is your initiative to fix a problem she could probably live with.


I completely agree with you. Thank you for your insight. I have communicated to her how important sex is to me, and men in general. I have also asked her to come here and just read some of these threads. She never makes the time or puts the effort in. When I asked her, "Hey hon, why don't you try to look online what guys need or want, or how to make me happy" (I want her to hear it from another source). She says "That's not my style" "I have been with lots of men in my past and I know what they need" I just look at her and say well obviously not... 

I am not questioning if she finds me attractive, she does tell me that often. She says I am sexy and I look good. Recently started to lose a little weight (was about 10lbs too heavy) and made my goal of 10 lbs. I am 5'10 and weight 200lbs... most muscle.. I have a little chub but barely enough to grab... and she is the same.. she is not in the best shape, she has a little extra weight but I still love the hell out of her, and she still does it for me. 

I was just responding to the guy that said she was done... trying to paint a better picture of the situation. 

She fears me leaving her, she told me that, so I really do not think she is done.. I just think she needs to work through something. I just can't imagine what is going on.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

My wife was the same as yours for many years. I finally told her I was going to move in with a friend...I was done. I give up....I said many other things that night...Even though I've said thing like this before, She felt that I meant it this time.

I've been doing the 180 and I have changed so much over the past year or so. I am not affraid to be out there again. Probable some of the things you have done. I just had to tell her what I wanted with CONVICTION.

My wife is passive aggressive also, but in the past 2 weeks, she is attacking me most nights and I love it. I may actually FEEL she desires me which would be the first time in our whole 20 years.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

My wife refuses to read His Needs, Her Needs or anything that would require any change from her. She feels like this has been good enough to this point so why should I be able to unilaterally decide we are not intimate enough and ask her to meet me. She created the once a month love fest we lived for many years and I am pretty sure she would just wish for this topic to go back under the rock it crawled out from under. 

Happy for you AG. It goes to show you have to be willing to lose it and put it all on the line sometimes, to save it. My wife caught me researching apartments and I suddenly became more attractive...who knew she loved real estate expertise.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

Already Gone said:


> My wife was the same as yours for many years. I finally told her I was going to move in with a friend...I was done. I give up....I said many other things that night...Even though I've said thing like this before, She felt that I meant it this time.
> 
> I've been doing the 180 and I have changed so much over the past year or so. I am not affraid to be out there again. Probable some of the things you have done. I just had to tell her what I wanted with CONVICTION.
> 
> My wife is passive aggressive also, but in the past 2 weeks, she is attacking me most nights and I love it. I may actually FEEL she desires me which would be the first time in our whole 20 years.


I think you are right. You know what is funny, I just thought of something. A couple years back before we got married, I got to this point before. I left and got my own place, moved out and was done. I was doing really good, and then she contacted me. 

She claimed she did this massive self discovery and she is better and worked through her issues. She came to my apartment that night, and a few nights after... the sex was mind blowing. 

So in this, I know she has the capability to do this. This shows me that she knows how to do it, she knows what to do, she is capable of doing it, she just doesnt want to. 

I think your right. I am 30 years old, I have spent 8 years in this crazyness it may be just time to spend some time on my own and meet the right woman for me.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Enchanted said:


> So you give each other the silent treatment and wait to see who wins.


As you can imagine no one wins this game. I'm so bad with confrontation I avoid it like the plague. Unfortunately putting it off just allows things to fester. I know that intellectually...but acting on that knowledge is a different matter altogether.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

> Just two days ago I left work early (and I do this stuff OFTEN) and stopped and got a dozen roses, 100 candles, nice relaxing bath salts. While she was at work I set up the candles in our room, the kitchen, and the bathroom, drew a bath. I went out and got her favorite food and had it ready.


This was too good to skip by---Out of the park Home Run. If she's not tingly from this she may not be open to the idea of tingly.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Pravius said:


> I think you are right. You know what is funny, I just thought of something. A couple years back before we got married, I got to this point before. I left and got my own place, moved out and was done. I was doing really good, and then she contacted me.
> 
> She claimed she did this massive self discovery and she is better and worked through her issues. She came to my apartment that night, and a few nights after... the sex was mind blowing.


After 5 years or so, I was ready to move on. I bough an old home I wanted to fix up and she moved to another city several hours away to stay wit a friend. I was doing great. I was dating several women and having fun. Well, when she would call, I talked about my dates and eventually after 6 months or so, she came back and she was sooo loving and romantic. I was schmuck and fell for it and before too long, I sold my older home. Somehow, she convinced me it would be better in an apartment... 

It all went back to the way it was . We even got married, moved again to make her happy, We had a child who is 9 years old now and I hit my MLC I guess, Did the 180 before I new what it was. It wasn't working to get more affection from my wife that I wanted. What it done for me was give me confidence with people in general. I have several hobbies and interests now and I don't need my wife any more. I even grew a goatee! 

My wife has changed recently when I was almost out the door. I don't know if it will continue for the long hall. For the first time, she has actually touched my biceps and complimented me on my muscles. That shocked me. 

What I have discovered is that I am not a total hunk...but at 45 years old, I don't believe I would not have a hard time finding a good woman There are soo many single females 40-50 year olds. My hobbies keeps me socializing with people which is something I haven't really done in 2 decades.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

Already Gone said:


> After 5 years or so, I was ready to move on. I bough an old home I wanted to fix up and she moved to another city several hours away to stay wit a friend. I was doing great. I was dating several women and having fun. Well, when she would call, I talked about my dates and eventually after 6 months or so, she came back and she was sooo loving and romantic. I was schmuck and fell for it and before too long, I sold my older home. Somehow, she convinced me it would be better in an apartment...
> 
> It all went back to the way it was . We even got married, moved again to make her happy, We had a child who is 9 years old now and I hit my MLC I guess, Did the 180 before I new what it was. It wasn't working to get more affection from my wife that I wanted. What it done for me was give me confidence with people in general. I have several hobbies and interests now and I don't need my wife any more. I even grew a goatee!
> 
> ...


We really are going through something similar! I went to a therapist yesterday and alot of what I already knew was reassured. I am pretty sure now, and the therapist pretty much confirmed this for me, my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. 

Through my research here about the disorder, I had found a few months back that she has many tendies of the disorder. I bought myself a book (I hate you, dont leave me) and had been reading that. It makes a little more sense to me now, but it still doesn't fix the pain, misery, and hurt that I have been feeling over the past 8 years. 

Alreadygone, not sure if your wife has a past of sexual abuse but if she does, I would highly recommend looking into Borderline Personality Disorder. Part of the reason why when we pull away from them they come strong onto us is because of their fear of abandonment, abandonment they have felt in their past, so when they feel like we are leaving they do everything they can in their very chaotic minds to suck us right back into the chaos. Which could explain why both your wife and mine got us back after we had already left. 

Another thing I am sure of, is that I am a co-dependent of this disorder. The therapist recommended that I read a few books I cant think of off the top of my head, and she also gave me some information on local support groups of co-dependents living with borderlines. 

At this point, I know that there is a woman out there that will not give me all of this grief. I love my wife, I really do. When i told her all of this last night she cried, and cried, she said she felt like a monster and did not want to make me miserable. The irony in all of this is last night was yet another night where I had to comfort her, instead of getting that attention that I need and deserve.


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## Enchanted (Jan 2, 2013)

Pravius said:


> We really are going through something similar! I went to a therapist yesterday and alot of what I already knew was reassured. I am pretty sure now, and the therapist pretty much confirmed this for me, my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder.
> 
> Through my research here about the disorder, I had found a few months back that she has many tendies of the disorder. I bought myself a book (I hate you, dont leave me) and had been reading that. It makes a little more sense to me now, but it still doesn't fix the pain, misery, and hurt that I have been feeling over the past 8 years.
> 
> ...


Although I don't officially have BPD my psychiatrist said I do display some traits. I've been studying BPD for years and I have a handle on when I'm "border- lining." If you have enough insight into yourself and are able to take responsibility for your actions then a wife with BPD traits can be a very interesting and loving partner. I won't lie. As a husband you'll need to have caregiver needs as my husband has displayed. But I thank god for his good nature and try to be the best wife I can be. Don't give up on your wife. Talk to her. Everyone has baggage, having BPD isn't a death sentence and with meds and loving support she may turn into a wife your friends envy.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Bordrline Personality Disorder?

Why do I feel like the one with the disorder?

I can understand the silent treatment you experienced. It's odd because I can't remember what lead to this but I slept in the spare bedroom and the next morning, we didn't say a word to each other. I took our daughter to school, came back home, had my shower, left to work and didn't even say good-bye to my wife.

I've been reading soo many marraige books and my wife has never asked me What gives?

A couple of years ago, we had "issues" and I started to drink a lot. ( a bottle of wine every evening) I haven't done that in 20 years. She never asked me what gives.

I stopped drinking after several months and for 3 months of not drinking, she didn't say a word about it, so I started drinking again. Not a word.

Again I stop drinking, she saw me pour the wine down the drain and wondered what I was doing. So I said I think I am an alcoholic and I need to go to A.A. She told me I was too responsible to be an alcoholic and laughed it off.

I've tried so hard to get her attention, even to the point of doing STUPID things. I can go on forever here. She is very unresponsive.

So now, I stay positive, I don't react to sex or the lack of which is the challenge, I don't complain about anything, I act like I don't care about affection, 

and

We have had sex for 4 nights in a row and I told her to be ready for tonight for the 5th night in a row. She hasn't said no yet. My goal will be 7 days in a row.

Pulling away finally got her attention. Your wife crying is just an act to get you to feel sorry for her. I fall for that too.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

Enchanted said:


> Although I don't officially have BPD my psychiatrist said I do display some traits. I've been studying BPD for years and I have a handle on when I'm "border- lining." If you have enough insight into yourself and are able to take responsibility for your actions then a wife with BPD traits can be a very interesting and loving partner. I won't lie. As a husband you'll need to have caregiver needs as my husband has displayed. But I thank god for his good nature and try to be the best wife I can be. Don't give up on your wife. Talk to her. Everyone has baggage, having BPD isn't a death sentence and with meds and loving support she may turn into a wife your friends envy.


I do have that insight. I just really have to ask myself if I am willing to deal with this for the rest of my life. The problem is instead of focusing her energy on me and giving me what I want she focuses her energy on feeling bad for herself. 

Just like last night, I came home after the therapist in a great mood. I was acting very loving and reassuring to her. The minute I told her the therapist said "There are many women in this world and you are a young, very attractive man, you will find the one you want if you cannot deal with this anymore, people with BPD have a hard time with change". 

She immediately put up walls and went cold. I reassured her again "I have been with you for 8 years, I have endured as long as I have it's now time to change, if you show me this I want to be with you the rest of my life". She would go through anger, sorrow, tons of emotions. 

The bottom line is, I laid in bed last night, while she fell asleep in my arms still wanting that, feeling as if I was taken granted of yet again.... but if I do not acknowledge her and choose to distance myself from her behavior instead of getting closer to me she will think something is wrong, bury it deep, not say a word and resent me not even knowing what is going on with me. It's sad really.

It's nice that you have been able to identify the issue and work on it. My wife just seems that she is not wanting to really work on it, she would rather feel bad for herself then to change it seems.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Pravius said:


> .... but if I do not acknowledge her and choose to distance myself from her behavior instead of getting closer to me she will think something is wrong, bury it deep, not say a word and resent me not even knowing what is going on with me. It's sad really.
> 
> It's nice that you have been able to identify the issue and work on it. My wife just seems that she is not wanting to really work on it, she would rather feel bad for herself then to change it seems.


This is it in a nutshell...It's all about your wife. It doesn't matter that you had a bad day, she had it worse and your emotions/ issues just have to put on hold and YOU can deal with your own issues later.


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## Enchanted (Jan 2, 2013)

Pravius said:


> I do have that insight. I just really have to ask myself if I am willing to deal with this for the rest of my life. The problem is instead of focusing her energy on me and giving me what I want she focuses her energy on feeling bad for herself.
> 
> Just like last night, I came home after the therapist in a great mood. I was acting very loving and reassuring to her. The minute I told her the therapist said "There are many women in this world and you are a young, very attractive man, you will find the one you want if you cannot deal with this anymore, people with BPD have a hard time with change".
> 
> ...


This is what triggered her: 

_"There are many women in this world and you are a young, very attractive man, you will find the one you want if you cannot deal with this anymore, people with BPD have a hard time with change". _

What she heard was: "The therapist said I was good looking enough to get someone who doesn't have BPD so I'll probably leave you and find someone better." 

If you choose to end your marriage because you feel your needs aren't getting met and probably never will then that's what you'll do. I don't know you or your wife IRL so it's hard for me to judge. In any case, I do hope you find what you need. Life is short.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Probably reaching here, but it happened like that in my marriage. You have dumped your own emotional needs onto her shoulders to be responsible. She has done the same. So, you want her to express loving actions toward you so you feel loved and wanted. And what do you do? Nothing... you wait for it to happen, and she just sits there watching tv or whatever. And you get angry because she isn’t showing you the love you deserve... So now she observes a angry person. Natural reaction; Avoid that person. That is the dynamic.

Work on you. It’s all you can control. If you want to change the dynamic, you need to learn to express yourself. So, take your morning... Instead of sitting back waiting for her to initiate because you want it... Just start being a loving person to her and let her react however she wants. Be consistent... just do what you feel like doing. The more positive you just put out there instead the ‘poor me’ vibe, the more likely that she’ll react in kind. Just flip it in your head; You don’t moan about feeling undesirable (sort of a self-fulfilling prophesy).... you just be a desirable person and let her do her own thing.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

Racer said:


> Probably reaching here, but it happened like that in my marriage. You have dumped your own emotional needs onto her shoulders to be responsible. She has done the same. So, you want her to express loving actions toward you so you feel loved and wanted. And what do you do? Nothing... you wait for it to happen, and she just sits there watching tv or whatever. And you get angry because she isn’t showing you the love you deserve... So now she observes a angry person. Natural reaction; Avoid that person. That is the dynamic.
> 
> Work on you. It’s all you can control. If you want to change the dynamic, you need to learn to express yourself. So, take your morning... Instead of sitting back waiting for her to initiate because you want it... Just start being a loving person to her and let her react however she wants. Be consistent... just do what you feel like doing. The more positive you just put out there instead the ‘poor me’ vibe, the more likely that she’ll react in kind. Just flip it in your head; You don’t moan about feeling undesirable (sort of a self-fulfilling prophesy).... you just be a desirable person and let her do her own thing.


Your absolutely right. My therapist said that to me last night. I cannot control anyone else and the only person who you have control over is yourself. I have gotten very sucked into the lifestlye of making sure that she has everything she wants in life (within reason) and she has really never had to do any of this herself, so why should she? 

Why should she initiate? She does't have to because I do it. The therapist said that to me as well and I never really have thought of it like that, I have always thought that if I do not have sex with her it would be the end of the world... it's not... I see that now. 

Bottom line is I made my life so focused and centered around trying to make this happen that I have lost sight of the things that I used to enjoy in life and am slowly starting to pick those things back up and start to get my life back. 

I am so greatful for this forum, thank you everyone who has commented so far to help me through this. It's important to me to know that there are good people out there in the world. 

Sometimes that also messes me up. I am not the type of person that really enjoys to be in large crowds of people, I am not socially akward or anything I just prefer to be with my wife or just alone. Society has disappointed me and I try to avoid it as much as possible because of all the negativity in this world, I can't stand driving because people are so cruel to each other. That's another issue I am going to have to work through I suppose. 

(I still do social things with a smile, didn't want to give the impression that I am a complete recluse, I just prefer being alone to going out)


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Pravius, the vast majority of BPDers (perhaps 90%) throw temper tantrums and scream when their anger is triggered. The remaining portion, however, usually turn their anger inward ("acting in" instead of "acting out"). They nonetheless will still punish you. They do so with passive-aggressive snide comments, sulking, pity parties, and cold withdrawal. 

Because these "quiet BPDers" are far outnumbered by the loud ones, it can be difficult to find good information about them online. I therefore suggest you read two articles to see if this sounds very familiar. One is by therapist Shari Schreiber at BORDERLINE WAIFS AND UNSUNG HEROES; Rescuing The Woman Who Doesn't Want To Be Saved.. She calls these folks "waif borderlines" and emphasizes how they project an image of "poor little me, I am such a victim."

The other article is by A.J. Mahari, who refers to these folks as "quiet borderlines" who "act in" instead of "acting out." Mahari's description places much more emphasis on the way these BPDers use icy withdrawal as a way to punish and control you. Her article is at Borderline Personality - The Quiet Acting In Borderline and The Silent Treatment - Nons - Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out. Perhaps you will find one of these two articles helpful. Take care, Pravius.


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