# Complicated money issue- Cancer and cars are expensive



## Leeka (Jul 23, 2012)

I could really use some advice on how to handle money issues with my husband. He is a teacher and makes around $30,000 a year. I am on disability for brain cancer and get $8,400 a year, so $700 a month. Our rent is $650 a month and I contribute $200. He pays for the internet and electricity. We each buy our own groceries. So I pay the $200 for rent, $90 in student loan repayment, $40 in car insurance, and various medical bills each month, leaving me with just enough for groceries and gas. I have a 1996 car that needs about $600 in work to pass inspection, which I cannot afford. My husband just bought himself a new car. He also came home with 2 new pairs of shoes and new jeans the other day. I can't remember the last time I had money to spare on new shoes and clothes. So I know he's not in the hole. He also just spent another $700 on his new car to get some parts replaced. I told him I cannot afford to put $600 into my car for it to pass inspection. He said he will pay for it now but would like me to pay him $50 dollars a month for it. I told him that would leave me with even less to pay for my basic needs like groceries. If I was healthy and had enough money coming in to buy myself whatever I wanted and he needed my help, I would pay for whatever I could cover and not think twice about asking him to pay me back. I have brain cancer, but I look healthy on the outside. My hair is all grown back and I am able to function fairly normally. However, I do not feel ready to go off of disability, lose my health coverage from medicare, and try to find a full time job that will offer me full coverage and flexible hours if I become sick. Plus, who the heck is going to want to offer a full time position with full health coverage to a girl with brain cancer? I think he see's that I look okay and therefore thinks I should be able to go out and bring in all the money I need to cover unexpected car bills. He said that he is doing a lot to help me out. Really, all he does is pay the whopping $450 in rent and 20 something for internet and the electricity. The rest is spent on himself. He has never paid my medical bills. This is just really getting my goat and making me look at him in a not so loving way. Am I being out of line for being turned off that he won't pay for my ghetto car to be fixed? Also, he's a 35 year old man that is still renting a house because he can't commit to a mortgage payment. That seems kind of immature. Like he has a bachelor mindset when it comes to money. I could use some different perspectives on this!


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## Leeka (Jul 23, 2012)

Also, I'm almost positive that if I didn't have brain cancer, he wouldn't have proposed to me. 2 years ago, I was given a 5 year prognosis and he started crying and got down on one knee. I bet if I was healthy, he would put off being married for as long as he could. I think now that I look healthy, he's dismissing my cancer as an excuse not to work. Yeah, it sure is an excuse. An excuse I'd rather not have. Back before my surgery when I was having uncontrollable seizures and wasn't allowed to legally drive because of the seizures, he insisted I get a job within walking distance to help with household bills. I got a job waitressing down the road. I was fired 2 months later because I kept having seizures and dropping trays of food. Just another example of how he is when it comes to money.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You definitely don't need the stress. Your husband doesn't sound as though he has fully accepted the idea of being a married person. Everything at this point should be together instead of separate. In addition, discretionary financial expenditures should be discussed. If he really can't commit to being a couple, is there someone you can live with? Perhaps also see if Medicaid can pick up what medicare doesn't pay for. In my state, we have the "Share Of Cost" program which kicks-in in situation such as yours.


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## Leeka (Jul 23, 2012)

I am in Maine and unfortunately, medicare is tough to get if you don't have young children, which is pretty silly. I get drug coverage assistance and most of the major things like MRI's are covered, but there are always chunks that are not fully covered. I think in his mind, he honestly see's himself as putting me first. He's not grasping that he has money to spare on cars and I do not. I could always move in with my mom, but who the heck wants to do that


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

Leeka said:


> He's not grasping that he has money to spare on cars and I do not.


Couldn't you share a car? He needs a good car since he has to go to work. I would think that since you don't work you could use the car around his schedule?


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## Leeka (Jul 23, 2012)

He got a standard and I can only drive automatic. Even if I could drive standard, he'd never let me drive it.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

This man sounds very selfish and inconsiderate of your health problems. He also sounds miserly. What kind of caring partner demands that his wife work while she is having constant seizures and BRAIN CANCER? Health comes before new cars and new shoes. Cheap people are often very stingy with love as well as money. 

I think you are better off single than with a man who doesn't care about you. 

I dated a man just like this; I was living hand to mouth six years ago and this man had a home, car, boat etc. When I asked him for a little cash for groceries, he told me to go make sandwiches. He refused to come and pick me up because the gas was too expensive and he demanded that I come off my meds. I was so naive that I listened to this fool and when I fell ill, he left.


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## Leeka (Jul 23, 2012)

Well he was wonderful to me after my surgery. He cared for me and didn't ask for help with bills. I know that he loves me very much. He can just be a stingy douche when it comes to money. I don't think the brain cancer was real to him until I had the surgery because I was looking fine then too, apart from the seizures. Now that I'm looking fine again, the cancer seems like a thing of the past, like it was a broken leg, rather than an ongoing disease. 
After I said there's no way I can pay $600 for a freakin inspection sticker, and that even $50 a month would be too much right now, he said he would cover it for me. I'm sure I'm going to hear a lot of complaining about how broke he is now. At least he has 2 new pairs of shoes :smthumbup:
Wow that man sounds like a mega jerk, FirstYearDown. Good riddance of him!


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## gmerty (Aug 5, 2012)

sorry to hear about your situation. how old are you? do you have any savings from before or any family that can help you out?

i don't know what to say about all this. i understand it seems miserly of him to ask for the $600 but he is on a small salary as well.

even though you are recovering from surgery, do you still cook and clean? how is your sex life?

i for one would hate constantly having to support my wife but then again, this is like a one time thing. I guess agree to the $600 and try to pay him back the best you can.

the main thing working for you is that he knew you would be bed ridden for a while after the brain surgery so it is reasonable expectation that he would have to support you.

If he truly hates it, he can just divorce you.


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## gmerty (Aug 5, 2012)

sorry to hear about your situation. how old are you? do you have any savings from before or any family that can help you out?

i don't know what to say about all this. i understand it seems miserly of him to ask for the $600 but he is on a small salary as well.

even though you are recovering from surgery, do you still cook and clean? how is your sex life?

i for one would hate constantly having to support my wife but then again, this is like a one time thing. I guess agree to the $600 and try to pay him back the best you can.

the main thing working for you is that he knew you would be bed ridden for a while after the brain surgery so it is reasonable expectation that he would have to support you.

If he truly hates it, he can just divorce you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Leeka, he treats you that way because you allow it.

Stop allowing it.

Stop contributing to his bills and use your money for yourself and your savings account. Cos he sure as hell isn't saving money for YOU.


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