# Used to post about my cheating husband….can't believe where I am now



## StrongerNow (Jan 11, 2012)

Long story short I've been reading and getting advice here on and off for the past 5 years. My husband is an alcoholic and had emotional and physical affairs. He's been verbally abusive etc etc etc. I'm a SAHM to 2 small children and have essentially been trapped in this marriage (although I still loved my husband). I was determined to smile through it until both my children were in school. Anyway, something snapped and I had a brief affair that my husband discovered pretty quickly. No justification….just trying to condense a looooong history. 

Through therapy I have started to get a hold of myself after falling into severe depression and I also know that my affair was what they call an "exit affair". I call it my "F*** You I'm outta here" affair. My husband said he wanted a divorce and I was actually relieved to finally be breaking free.

FF to now…..husband decided that he loves me deeply and wants to keep our marriage together. We have both had intense individual & marriage counseling and he seems toi have truly grasped the destruction he has caused in our family over the past 5 years. For my part, I've learned to stop being an enabling doormat who refused to acknowledge her own needs.

So my problem: My husband has truly had amazing personal growth which is amazing to see. He is the father of my children and besides that I do love him. BUT, I don't think I'm "in love" or even all that interested in marriage with him anymore. I was forced to cut myself off from him emotionally many years ago for my own sanity and I'm having trouble regaining any deep feelings for him. Has anyone been able to successfully "re-build" after so much strife?

PS - I don't need blame game affair venting because we have / are dealing with that.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

StrongerNow said:


> Long story short I've been reading and getting advice here on and off for the past 5 years. My husband is an alcoholic and had emotional and physical affairs. He's been verbally abusive etc etc etc. I'm a SAHM to 2 small children and have essentially been trapped in this marriage (although I still loved my husband). I was determined to smile through it until both my children were in school. Anyway, something snapped and I had a brief affair that my husband discovered pretty quickly. No justification….just trying to condense a looooong history.
> 
> Through therapy I have started to get a hold of myself after falling into severe depression and I also know that my affair was what they call an "exit affair". I call it my "F*** You I'm outta here" affair. My husband said he wanted a divorce and I was actually relieved to finally be breaking free.
> 
> ...


I think you need to focus on his good qualities and try to let the old crap go.He needs to be patient and prove he really changed.

good luck


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Sometimes you just can't go back even if they swear they've changed.

Infidelity, whether physically or emotionally is a big deal breaker with many of us and you yourself need to decide if you can fall back in love with this man.

Give it some time, if at all possible, while letting him know that it's a trial basis and there are no guarantees that you will ever fall back in love with him again.

If you can't see yourself doing that...move on..and don't look back in the process. He did what he did and that's his cross to bear..not yours.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If its over its over

But if he has truly changed, and become a proper H., would you consider staying, for the children, till they are old enuff, to be in split homes

You need to do what is best for you, can you handle life as a single divorced mother---knowing you may have to work possibly 2 jobs, if you can even find them, still have to run your kids around, and then finally come home, and still have to take care of your home---all of this on your own---you are gonna be one tired body, night after night

Eventually you will find the right guy, and move on, real question is, what do you really want, DOWN DEEP?????


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

When women fall out of love with their husbands, and they almost ALL do, they don't come back. You won't either. Sorry.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you are done, then get a divorce. Don't string him along.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Not saying what you should do. But, the people in this thread that say you don't fall back in love once falling out are totally misinformed. True forgiveness is a very powerful thing. Selfishness is what causes people to dislike each other and not love each other the way they vowed to do on their wedding day. If you follow your feelings, be prepared to eventually be lost.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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