# Utterly Confused



## 2b!ornot2be! (Jul 16, 2012)

Hi all I am a new member on this forum and need advice please!
I have been seperated for 6 months now and H has just asked me to reconcile....I am ecstatic BUT....

After both of us were involved with other people,him sexually, me not... I am at a bitter sweet cross road. I had to tell my friend/boyfriend that me and H are reconciling. This was hard as we are really close friends and I do have feelings for him. He is going trough a very ugly divorce and we were there for each other from the beginning of our seperate battles. But we have had our issues too, resulting directly form his divorce being so ugly.... I suppose in all honesty, if things with his ex was different, and the circumstances of his divorce, I am sure our relationship would have grown to an even deeper level than it is right now. Emotionally and physically.

H and I didn't have the "normal", if I can call it that, ugly divorce battle, we spoke often, agreed on our settlement quickly and even saw each other almost every day. Our marriage fell apart after years of non communication and a disinterest in each other and our lives together, aswell as financial and trust issues.

After our seperation our communication levels increased dramatically, about non divorce issues, aswell as other... aspects of our relationship. I realised that the past cannot be changed and we are working hard on the trust issue that faces us.

I am not pondering about the past and what happened is gone forever. I cannot change that and I need and want to move forward.

I love H dearly and we have two beautiful kids together, and I know that b's ex will always be a factor in his life.

My question is this.....
Should I reconcile with H and give it a go or should I give my friend a chance and see where this may lead.
You can say it's the unknown vs the known.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Are you actually divorced or is it still in the works? Can you both (husband and you) get over the relationships that occurred during the separation? 

Personally, I think both you and the H need to be alone, no contact emotionally/physically with each other or others for 6 months or so, work on your own issues, then see where you are from there...


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## 2b!ornot2be! (Jul 16, 2012)

DjF, we are not divorced yet, thanks for the advice, I think you are right if things are bound to work, either way, there is no rush. I was alone for about 4 months before I met my friend, but I still think time is needed on both ends to clarify some confusing issues and not do things in haste.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

You say you love your H. You care for your friend and had it not been for outside factors your relationship with him could have been deeper emotionally and physically. I say follow your heart. Who do you love? Your H or your friend? Go to whoever that is. 

Like DjF I believe both of you would benefit from some time to work on yourselves first. Don't jump into anything blindly.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Taking time alone was one of the best things I did when getting divorced. Highly recommend it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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