# Is there hope after multiple emotional affairs?



## aeapes (Oct 4, 2010)

I really don't want to write a novel but ....
it seems every 9 months or once a year my husband has an emotion affair or starts chating / flirting with a girl. It always starts just as friends and most of the time I find out / interject before it goes further but a week ago I found my husband was chatting with a girl and exchanging naughty pics. Needless to say I put a stop to it. 

For me this was the last straw. We had a BIG talk! First he said I deserve better, he doesn't want to hurt me again, feels like we've lost our spark, ect and he thinks we should seperate. I told him seperation was not an option because I was not going to share him or let his sleep around, that it was all of nothing. He later said Divorice because he didn't think he deserved me and doesn't want to every hurt me again. Well we have 3 small kids and I was very upset. I for some odd reason still wanted to work on things. We cried, he said he really needed more time. Later that day after he talked with friends/ family he decided he really did want another chance. I agreed as long as we wrote out clear rules/ things we wanted to change. 

Later everyone started telling us how counseling doesn't work and that he'd probably get bored and flirt again, which made my husband start to doubt that this could work and started him questioning if we made the right choice. A few days later he is at a good point and thinks we will be fine but now I am starting to doubt if he really can / will change. Is there hope? I see people posting about how hard it is finding out once, well this isn't the 1st time, it's just the 1st time it's gone that far


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I can see why you (and he) are worried that it won't happen again...but really, if you don't change anything within your marriage, it is more likely that it will.

When he says 'we've lost our spark' and you said 'we wrote out clear rules/things we wanted to change'...that indicates you have a starting point for how to improve your marriage...I'm sure neither of you wants this to become you looking over his shoulder to make sure he doesn't start up again or to catch him again...although you may need to do that in the short-term to rebuild trust, but if you couple that with re-igniting the spark, he may wonder what the heck he was thinking by his past behavior.

I have no idea how your sex life is, but it's pretty common that it declines when you have 3 little ones to care for...I would suggest taking some initiative in that department (check out some books by Laura Corn for ideas to spice things up between the two of you)


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## Kirka5683 (Jan 23, 2013)

This thread popped out to me from a google search. Most things I keep reading are from several years ago and I want to know if there is hope? I keep a hold of hope but don't know how long I should hang on. My husband had an emotional affair and stopped communicating with her but just found out he's been contacting her again. We have been separated for 3 months but trying to work on things an additional 3 months before I asked him to move out. I was just curious where some of you are now and if you have any advice now?


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Kirka5683 said:


> This thread popped out to me from a google search. Most things I keep reading are from several years ago and I want to know if there is hope? I keep a hold of hope but don't know how long I should hang on. My husband had an emotional affair and stopped communicating with her but just found out he's been contacting her again. We have been separated for 3 months but trying to work on things an additional 3 months before I asked him to move out. I was just curious where some of you are now and if you have any advice now?


Kirka: You might want to start a thread of your story in this category. You'll get plenty of good advice.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

He needs IC with someone with a background at addictions and compulsive behaviors. It's what it is, an addiction.


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