# Unsure about divorce



## ladybug12 (Jun 3, 2013)

Hi Im new here, but Im glad that I found this site. I'll just jump in. 
My husband and I have been married for about 16 months. Essentially everything was GREAT until I stopped working in January to finish my masters degree. Yes, we had our arguments, and our disagreements but typically we worked through them. 
He agreed that he could support us both so that I could finish school, and we talked long and hard about it.
Fast forward 30 days later and his attitude begins taking a turn for the worst. We go out of town for a vacation, and I find out he put off paying several bills to do so (I didn't find out until a few weeks after our return). He became more sour, and miserable acting. We fought more about money, and from time to time he would say things like "I wish you never had of stopped working" or " it was a mistake to think we could survive on one income" 
We live in an apartment and have no kids or pets and he made over 50k last year own his own. Also we have only one car payment! 
Not only that but our sex life has declined- he is rough, not into it really, lacks intimacy, and though I have talked to him about this time and time again nothing changes. 
Our last big argument was over the holiday weekend when I admitted to him that I knew he had created like 5 different dating website profiles. His excuse was that he just used them to masturbate, I said I didn't care, but afterward when I went to sleep he tried to break into my phone and emails attempting to see if I was doing anything. Well, we ended up getting into an argument when I woke up the next morning and he shoved me down on the ground. That was the only time he had put his hands on me, but I immediately lost my respect for him. 
He thinks that we don't need to separate, and that we don't need counseling, and all I want to do constantly is run away. 

Sorry for the length, however Im looking forward to hearing what other options I could possibly try.

Thanks ladies


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## EllaB (Jun 1, 2013)

Here is my take in what you wrote. He anticipated that living on 1 salary would be easier than it actually was. Then he felt in a position to make it work, which caused him to lie or hide the bill paying incident. Possibly to protect you and probably because he thought he could fix things in the long run without you knowing. Not malicious, but you are understandably justified in ur feelings regarding that! It could lead to a whole slew of problems especially if the lying continued and you were unknowingly getting deeper in debt, not to mention trust issues. Opening dating profiles for sexual gratification would be a deal breaker for me. 5 of them! Your marraige is still fairly new, no kids. You are a smart woman. You deserve a happy future and you know that! If u decide to stay, get counseling now and work at it together. My biggest mistake was sweeping all the red flags under the rug instead if getting help with our marraige.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

In 16 months of marriage he's created 5 dating profiles, sex is rough, declining and he's knocked you to the ground.

Cut him loose.

This is only going to get worse.


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## ladybug12 (Jun 3, 2013)

That's what I was thinking. He says he's going to do better, and obviously right now Im not in a position to leave. He's already made it clear he wont leave the apartment since he pays for everything. I was going to see if there was any truth behind his statements and wait it out until my degree is completed and then if no change, I would go ahead and move. I just don't know if I should have TRIED to make it work. 

Thanks for your input though, I appreciate it.



Mavash. said:


> In 16 months of marriage he's created 5 dating profiles, sex is rough, declining and he's knocked you to the ground.
> 
> Cut him loose.
> 
> This is only going to get worse.


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## ladybug12 (Jun 3, 2013)

Thanks for your response. Counseling would be great- however he doesn't want to do it. At one point he said he would but then said we didn't have the money to do so- I just left it alone at that point. I agree that sweeping things under the rug can be detrimental to a relationship, its best to confront them in the open-which is what I am attempting to do. Once again thanks for your input! 



EllaB said:


> Here is my take in what you wrote. He anticipated that living on 1 salary would be easier than it actually was. Then he felt in a position to make it work, which caused him to lie or hide the bill paying incident. Possibly to protect you and probably because he thought he could fix things in the long run without you knowing. Not malicious, but you are understandably justified in ur feelings regarding that! It could lead to a whole slew of problems especially if the lying continued and you were unknowingly getting deeper in debt, not to mention trust issues. Opening dating profiles for sexual gratification would be a deal breaker for me. 5 of them! Your marraige is still fairly new, no kids. You are a smart woman. You deserve a happy future and you know that! If u decide to stay, get counseling now and work at it together. My biggest mistake was sweeping all the red flags under the rug instead if getting help with our marraige.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

I agree with mavash. there is something more going on here. There is no excuse for shoving you to the ground and if he is ok with doing that once it will probably happen again. It sounds like there is a lack of respect on his part. My advice..get out before he gets more abusive.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

How fast the wheel turns. I'm a man but here are my instant deal breakers: cheating, physical abuse, emotional abandonment. Anyway, what do YOU want to do? The arguments are common in all relationships. But he shoved you, and he's on dating web sites. Ask yourself, why isn't he making love to you instead of playing on the web?


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