# No, I am not going with you. I'm staying home to masturbate.



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

This is what I am planning to say tonight, when he invites me to his child's sporting event. He always, always wants me to go with him, wherever it is he's going. Grocery store, hardware store, sporting events, friend's houses, I mean everywhere. I know he would much prefer I go with him tonight.

We had a discussion Sunday, 3 days ago, about the lack of sex in our relationship. Sunday the sex was great, after the discussion. Once a week is just not enough for me. We've had many discussions about this, but nothing changes for the long term. 

Before we lived together I would tell him all the time that I had just masturbated, was about to masturbate, was thinking of masturbating, etc. I was pretty open and verbal about it. He never said much about it, other than ok. I would even go home at lunch time and masturbate. I think he found it mildly amusing. 

Now going home at lunch isn't an option, and he's almost always home when I am, so my time alone is limited. And frankly, I think I'd feel odd to announce that I was shutting the bedroom door and masturbating while he was home. I shouldn't feel weird about it, but I know I would.

So I think tonight would be a great opportunity for some self love. How would you feel if your SO said this to you?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Interesting!

If my husband felt we didn't have sex often enough and declined an outing so he could stay home to masturbate, it would certainly drive his point home that he needed sexual contact more frequently.

I think you should do it! I also think you should feel totally comfortable shutting and locking your bedroom door to masturbate if you feel you need it. Everyone has different needs and different strengths of needs and at different times. If you've explained your need and he hasn't responded well enough....take care of it yourself.

Go for it!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'd be like can I watch......maybe I'll learn something or won't be able to control myself and just join in or masterbate myself!!!!!!


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Interesting!
> 
> If my husband felt we didn't have sex often enough and declined an outing so he could stay home to masturbate, it would certainly drive his point home that he needed sexual contact more frequently.
> 
> ...


I think if we went into a marriage/relationship with the expectation of taking care of our own sexual needs (this does NOT mean going outside the relationship to get our sexual needs met!), couples would be having sex less frequently, but the *quality* would be greatly improved. 

Vega


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Vega - Ugh. I don't want to take care of my own sexual needs. It's just not the same and it's certainly less satisfying. I don't want a roommate, I want a partner.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Laralie said:


> So I think tonight would be a great opportunity for some self love. How would you feel if your SO said this to you?


I'd _immediately_ cancel my plans, pull up a chair, and watch.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well, are you really thinking of doing this because you honestly need the alone time, or are you actually using the idea hoping it will "make him see" you need more sex?

Because if it is the latter, he likely will not get the message you are hoping for.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> I'd _immediately_ cancel my plans, pull up a chair, and watch.


Not me. I'd be having sex! Although we have a healthy sex life, my wife is not one to be overt about it. When my wife wants it, she'll rarely tell me about it and I will find out when I initiate. 

In the situation presented by in the OP, if my wife was more aggressive about showing me her desire for sex, there would be two very sweaty bodies rolling around in the bed, on the table, in the shower, etc...


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

I'm thinking of doing this because, as I said, I have very little alone time. I like my alone time. 

Definitely not thinking he'll get a clue, most men don't, that's just how they are. Direct approach is better. Thus my saying, I'm not going tonight, I'm staying home to masturbate. It's direct. It's the simple truth. 

Gus, gosh darn it, that's exactly what I WISH would happen. But I harbor no illusions, it is not happening with this man. In fact, he is the ONLY man I've been with that is like this.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I think this is perfectly acceptable. If your man isnt giving you what you want then yes, stay in and enjoy yourself.

But I wouldn't rub it in his face...just stay you are not feeling 100%, want to have a bath etc.

I would only rub it in his face if you have tried talking to him, had the discussions, agreed on what you are both going to do to try and make things better....but he hasnt kept his part of the deal.
Then hell yes, tell him you feel horny and want to masturbate!

Nothing wrong with self love.....its the only love lots of us on here get..!!

But maybe you ought to re-think your future plans in general...

Askari the wanker!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Laralie said:


> I'm thinking of doing this because, as I said, I have very little alone time. I like my alone time.
> 
> Definitely not thinking he'll get a clue, most men don't, that's just how they are. Direct approach is better. Thus my saying, I'm not going tonight, I'm staying home to masturbate. It's direct. It's the simple truth.
> 
> Gus, gosh darn it, that's exactly what I WISH would happen. But I harbor no illusions, it is not happening with this man. In fact, he is the ONLY man I've been with that is like this.


What does he say when you ask him why he doesn't want more sex? Very strange for a man. Although there are men who aren't very sexual, they seem to be rarer than women who aren't very sexual. 

What do you think is up with this guy? Have you had the talk?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Seems too indirect and unclear to me. You are not happy with the quality and quantity of sex in the relationship, how will this help communicate that?

Being together too much is almost as bad as too little. That's one problem that deserves a solution in it's own right. You should have private time and space. 

A separate issue is sex. You mentioned in another thread that he was accepting bj 2 times a week. Why not take those times to masturbate instead of getting him off? Tell him you need some time for privacy. 

I'd go with him on the outings and consider sex a separate issue. Have you read the 5 Love Languages? Whats his primary love language?


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> What does he say when you ask him why he doesn't want more sex? Very strange for a man. Although there are men who aren't very sexual, they seem to be rarer than women who aren't very sexual.
> 
> What do you think is up with this guy? Have you had the talk?


He says he's tired. He's not a ditch digger, but he does have a somewhat physical job. When we are on vacation, we have sex 2-3 times a day, everyday.


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

CAtherine - How is stating that I'm staying home to masturbate to unclear and indirect? I'm not actually trying to communicate anything more than that by staying home tonight. 

If I go tonight, I'll be going only because he enjoys me going. I hate the sport. I'd truly prefer to stay home and masturbate.

You are correct there are other issues, oral sex and less sex than I prefer. We had the conversation Sunday that I needed more sex. It's Wednesday and nothing has changed. 

I guess I feel like why should I do something I don't want to do (sporting event, after working all day, sitting in the hot sun) when I could stay home and do something I want to do? Classical case of my needs not being met, and now I don't really want to met his needs. Probably not real healthy, but I don't agree, I think I am being direct.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

I applaud you...I wish I has the guts to do that. I'm sure it would shock my H if I said I didn't want to go somewhere because I needed to rub one out.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I would be thrilled if my wife told me she wanted to masturbate, because in my experience, the more she masturbates, the more sex we have.

Now what she doesn't do and hasn't done is told me in advance that she was going to go masturbate. She always tells me afterwards, she will say something like "I had a very fun time with the bath faucet this morning", or she will tell me "I need more batteries for the vibe, I was using it while you were out of town", or something like that.

OP, I think you are perfectly OK with telling your H that you are staying home to rub one out. If my wife told me in advance that she was going to rub one out, I would at least ask her if she wanted company, or does she prefer to be alone.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Self Love it is then! :toast:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

So I think the real point here is that the OP wants more sex from her husband.

He is less sexual than she is.

The MB is a different issue, but OP, you are trying to run a covert contract...whether you see that or not.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Laralie said:


> He says he's tired. He's not a ditch digger, but he does have a somewhat physical job. When we are on vacation, we have sex 2-3 times a day, everyday.


Tired might have a lot to do with it. Try jumping his bones as he walks in the door at night. Before he has eaten, sat down to tv, and started to fall asleep. Get him while he is still hungry.

You do not mention his age, but if he is older, maybe he needs to get his testosterone checked. I think you can order a kit online now for like $35. If it is low, have him go see the doctor.

One thing that helped me with my less than psyched wife, is having a calm discussion about how much I loved her, how much I thought her body was sexy, and how much I wanted our sex life to get much better. I told her it was good, but wanted it to be great. After that, even though there were numerous setbacks, at least I could see she was trying.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Laralie said:


> Vega - Ugh. I don't want to take care of my own sexual needs. It's just not the same and it's certainly less satisfying. I don't want a roommate, I want a partner.


I read this earlier and been thinking about it ... particularly around the word 'need' and your characterization of your relationship as roommates more than partners. Now, I'm coming at it from an extreme scenario ... a 21 year marriage that has been mostly sexless for the last third. To be completely transparent at the risk of sounding like a perv, lol, I masturbate daily ... most days I masturbate at least twice. Why? I've been trying to figure that out. I don't know that 'need' is the right word. Certainly it is a release of some sort ... an urge, a want ... disguised as a 'need'. It absolutely would be better shared with another person but it doesn't need to be someone I have an emotional connection with, it could be anybody ... friend with benefits even. What I really want that is more appropriately described as 'need' is to feel loved. My wife truly is a roommate. She does not love me the way a wife should love her husband. She does not only not have sex with me but any type of intimacy, sexual or not has been gone for a long time. I want to feel desired and desirable but I need to feel loved. Sex alone doesn't mean anything ... as I said, I could have sex with anybody without feeling love or I could simply take care of myself ... it is all the forms of intimacy, sexual and non-sexual that really express love. I couldn't really tell you there was a difference until it was completely gone from my life.

Now, I am not invalidating how you feel about this. It seems to me that you do have a partner. Somebody who REALLY wants to share his life with you as a partner, including sex even if it isn't as often as you would like. He is not just a roommate. Certainly you would like to have sex more often. People have different levels of sexual "urges" (not to be confused with need) and it very well may be that his is not as high as yours. I would urge you to consider how you feel about your relationship outside of the physical act of sex and work with him on a compromise when it comes to sex. It may still not be as often as you would like but if he meets you halfway then there should be no guilt or awkwardness about masturbating when you aren't having sex. Heck, maybe you can get him to watch


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm not saying I don't like the idea, because I kind of do. Also not saying I haven't done it myself....

But when men do this they get called passive aggressive. Just so you know.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> So I think the real point here is that the OP wants more sex from her husband.
> 
> He is less sexual than she is.
> 
> The MB is a different issue, but OP, you are trying to run a covert contract...whether you see that or not.


It's a very temping thing to do. Believe me, I know. But it won't get the results you want and will just make you more resentful.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

i think doing it is taking care of yourself but saying it like that is childish. 

do you want him to miss the child's event to stay home and have sex? if yes then just say so.


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Faithful - Disagree on the covert description. I'm very much not being covert. I've told him many times I want more sex, including 3 days ago. Nothing changes. Staying home from something I don't want to do anyway to do something I do want to do, and being HONEST about it is not covert. 

Cool - No I do not want him to stay home. I actually want him to GO so I can be alone. 

WorkingonMe - Seriously this is passive aggressive? I don't get it. 

I'm not sure why all this stuff is being read into this. He goes twice a week to the sporting events. I go about half the time. Tonight I want to stay home and masturbate. How is this childish, covert, or passive aggressive? He'll be happy at the sporting event, I'll be happy at home. 

Is anyone suggesting I should go, even though I do not want to, because it surely would please him? When in fact, I do go about half the time and I actually would prefer to never go. But he enjoys me going, so I go to please him. Why should I not please myself tonight?


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

i don't think it is a problem to stay home alone to have some fun. i do think you need to get over the need of having an empty house to get yourself off. i wonder if maybe a little jealousy may drive your man to wanting you more sexually. maybe you need to up your game a bit and he will follow. dress sexier, work out, get more attractive and maybe get some attention from other men. maybe then he will realize he needs to step his game up. he is too comfortable...he takes you for granted.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

i've homeschooled both of my kids so i get wanting free time for pleasure town. i go into my room, lock the door behind me and get at it. you can too. 

and stay home tonight if you want to.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

Covert contract/passive aggressive is being suggested because you're asking how ppl would feel if their SO said what you plan to say to yours. So I read that as you're telling him that you're staying home to send a message/get a reaction out of him.

By all means, you want to stay home and masturbate, you are certainly entitled, absolutely nothing wrong with that. But who cares what he thinks then, if there's no ulterior motive?


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Daffofilly I get what you are saying. But that's exactly it, I do not want to offend him by saying I was staying home to masturbate. That's why I was asking. 

In my mind, if I said I'm staying home, knowing full well why I was (to masturbate) and didn't say that to him, I'd feel like I was lying by omission. But apparently that makes me passive aggressive.


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Every time he asks if I'm going with him and I say no, I usually give a reason. No, I'm too tired. No, I brought work home. No, sorry I just don't feel like going.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

Laralie said:


> Every time he asks if I'm going with him and I say no, I usually give a reason. No, I'm too tired. No, I brought work home. No, sorry I just don't feel like going.



I think if he asks, I'd be honest and tell him why. I think most people are 'reading more into it' because it's coming across like you're planning on parading it in front of him, like making a big announcement before he leaves or something. 

I wouldn't do something like that to my SO, but that's because he'd cancel his plans in a heartbeat to be able to watch. Counterproductive if I need alone time.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Here are some quotes from your posts on this thread that indicate a covert contract (ie: I hope that by doing this, he will do that).

"I don't want to take care of my own sexual needs. It's just not the same and it's certainly less satisfying."

Gus said: "I'd immediately cancel my plans, pull up a chair, and watch."

"Gus, gosh darn it, that's exactly what I WISH would happen."

"Classical case of my needs not being met, and now I don't really want to met his needs. Probably not real healthy, but I don't agree, I think I am being direct."


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The Covert Contracts That Exist In Relationships


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Here are some quotes from your posts on this thread that indicate a covert contract (ie: I hope that by doing this, he will do that).
> 
> "I don't want to take care of my own sexual needs. It's just not the same and it's certainly less satisfying."
> 
> ...


Yes, I said those things. But context is everything. I should have added a smiley face in the reply to Gus. I Know my man and this is NEVER EVER happening. The not meeting each others needs, that's been addressed many many times. Nothing has changed yet. I certainly do NOT want to have to take care of my own sexual needs all the time, what is covert about that? 

I'm going to read that link you posted. Maybe I'm being obtuse.:scratchhead:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well, I guess the way to make it not covert, is to say explicitly:

"I'm not going with you tonight. I need some alone time to tend to my sexual needs. I would prefer that you wanted to join me but I don't expect you to".

Putting in what you actually prefer makes it not covert.


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

That sounds like I'm berating him for not wanting to join me. Which in turn is going to make him feel crappy or piss him off because he has to go to this game. 

Ok, FaithfulWife I can see your point.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes but it would be the truth. You don't have to berate him just to tell the truth.

True he may feel berated...and that is I'm guessing why you wouldn't want to say the truth straight up.

But you said you get it, I am sure you do. 

I think we all do this type of covert contract a lot more than we think we do.


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

It's exactly why I wouldn't want to say it straight up. And the truth is I'm ok with him leaving tonight and having my alone time. Totally ok with it. Yes I do wish we had sex more often, but wanting to be alone vs sporting event, it's a no brainer to me. 

Maybe I should just say I don't feel like going.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Laralie - I guess its in the past now. I hope you didn't go but also hope you gave your partner a different reason.

We all have to make compromises in life. However, if you say that you hate going to watch sports but make the effort to go with your man 50% of the time I think thats fair.

However you also seem to have other issues....like he loves receiving oral but refuses to reciprocate...and your sex life is practically zero unless you are on vacation!

I don't know how long you have been with this man but it seems you are not sexually compatible. While sex isnt everything in a relationship it is certainly a big part of it. You are already sounding resentful and bitter.
Please think about your future. Unless things get sorted now your feeling of resentment and bitterness will only increase. I can testify to that.

Think....and think hard. Either accept what you have and make the most of it or prepare exit plans.

This isnt just about you staying in one evening to masturbate.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

well how did it go? any pictures!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

keeper63 said:


> I would be thrilled if my wife told me she wanted to masturbate, because in my experience, the more she masturbates, the more sex we have.
> 
> Now what she doesn't do and hasn't done is told me in advance that she was going to go masturbate. She always tells me afterwards, she will say something like "I had a very fun time with the bath faucet this morning", or she will tell me "I need more batteries for the vibe, I was using it while you were out of town", or something like that.
> 
> OP, I think you are perfectly OK with telling your H that you are staying home to rub one out. If my wife told me in advance that she was going to rub one out, I would at least ask her if she wanted company, or does she prefer to be alone.



:iagree: I agree. If my wife ever told me this (and I wish she would) it would send a clear message that having sex is very important to her. For the OP, once the husband knows what she will be doing, he can make his own decisions about how he feels about it. My bet is he will wish he was participating in her "joy" instead of going to the game. Just my opinion 

A statement like this would grab my attention for sure. I say, GO FOR IT. :smthumbup:


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

If my wife told me that I would pick her up and carry her to the bedroom and attempt to knock the bottom out of that thing. But thats just me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Laralie said:


> This is what I am planning to say tonight, when he invites me to his child's sporting event. He always, always wants me to go with him, wherever it is he's going. Grocery store, hardware store, sporting events, friend's houses, I mean everywhere. I know he would much prefer I go with him tonight.
> 
> We had a discussion Sunday, 3 days ago, about the lack of sex in our relationship. Sunday the sex was great, after the discussion. Once a week is just not enough for me. We've had many discussions about this, but nothing changes for the long term.
> 
> ...


Bizarre. All of it. 

Marriage.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

This thread cant be real. Everyone knows women dont like sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

My wife can't masturbate.

I mean she can try but it doesn't do anything. she's told me numerous times that whenever she's tried it just doesn't do anything. And yet, when I touch her there and stimulate her, she goes nuts.
I have trouble believing her, but I have never once caught her doing anything. There's no reason not to believe her, I wouldn't care if she did unless our sex declined which it hasn't.
I guess if true, it means there is a great difference between touching yourself and someone else touching you. 

I guess this is a good thing, I don't know.

any other ladies out there that can't masturbate?


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Thound said:


> This thread cant be real. Everyone knows women dont like sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:...I thought you were going to say...Everyone knows MARRIED women don't like sex. :rofl:

I have a friend who says...."once the ring went on, the panties stayed on". 

My best friend says that once he got married, the BJ's stopped almost immediately. I can't tell if they are joking or just being sarcastic. :roll eyes:

Luckily, that hasn't been my experience.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I Notice The Details said:


> :rofl:...I thought you were going to say...Everyone knows MARRIED women don't like sex. :rofl:
> 
> I have a friend who says...."once the ring went on, the panties stayed on".
> 
> ...


Has never been my experience either. But some of the stories you see on TAM or I've heard in real life about sexless marriages is unreal. No idea how someone can live that way.

OP any update? Did you get your point across?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Laralie-

For years, I would tell my wife that I was going up stairs to relieve myself... YEARS...She never came up to help... Never....

In 20 plus years, there has been just a handful of evenings that we have spent apart....I wanted some alone time as well... She wanted a friend....me! 

I was so PA... I should of been more direct... I know it was too much for her so I didn't want to push it...I always invited her to have lunch with me at work in my office. We worked in the same building at the time and she never came to visit me for lunch...I am sure she knew what I wanted, so she avoided that...

Sex is huge for me and it is for you. Be glad you are not married yet..

RUN


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

I Notice The Details said:


> :rofl:...I thought you were going to say...Everyone knows MARRIED women don't like sex. :rofl:
> 
> I have a friend who says...."once the ring went on, the panties stayed on".
> 
> ...


They're not married yet.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

askari said:


> Laralie - I guess its in the past now. I hope you didn't go but also hope you gave your partner a different reason.
> 
> We all have to make compromises in life. However, if you say that you hate going to watch sports but make the effort to go with your man 50% of the time I think thats fair.
> 
> ...



I so so wish I was aware of TAM 15 or so years ago.



Laralie-

You don't have to accept this. 

You painted a better picture of your relationship in your other thread. I feel the resentments as well. No man or women in a relationship should ever have to masterbate without their partner...


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> My wife can't masturbate.
> 
> I mean she can try but it doesn't do anything. she's told me numerous times that whenever she's tried it just doesn't do anything. And yet, when I touch her there and stimulate her, she goes nuts.
> I have trouble believing her, but I have never once caught her doing anything. There's no reason not to believe her, I wouldn't care if she did unless our sex declined which it hasn't.
> ...


I don't know of any, but I do know women who would never admit they have or still engage in the act.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

This is one crazy and comical thread, indeed.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

Trickster said:


> Laralie-
> 
> For years, I would tell my wife that I was going up stairs to relieve myself... YEARS...She never came up to help... Never...
> RUN


Im in the same situation.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> I Notice The Details said:
> 
> 
> > ...I thought you were going to say...Everyone knows MARRIED women don't like sex.
> ...


10 months and counting so .... 

OP's guy is a lucky man in that regard .... hopefully he realizes it before he loses it.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I admire this lady's confidence to tell her husband she will "let her fingers do the walking"...


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## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

Damn she wants sex 3 or more times a week ! Damn.... just DAMN...........


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

I Notice The Details said:


> My best friend says that once he got married, the BJ's stopped almost immediately. I can't tell if they are joking or just being sarcastic. :roll eyes:


Isn't there an old joke around this? "Why is a bride smiling as she walks down the aisle? - Because she's given her last blow job"


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

If my wife mentioned that she would be taking care of herself while I was walking out the door...I would certainly take notice...and find some way to be there and take part in giving her pleasure. Just my opinion. 

I think it is extremely sexy.


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## Early Grayce (Jan 19, 2012)

If my wife said this to me I would be a Tasmanian Devil of sexual activity with her.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> I have a friend who says...."*once the ring went on, the panties stayed on*".
> 
> My best friend says that once he got married, the BJ's stopped almost immediately. I can't tell if they are joking or just being sarcastic. :roll eyes:
> 
> Luckily, that hasn't been my experience.


That was my experience in my first marriage. Sex was very rare, but at least when it happened, it was usually pretty good, and sometimes even included a BJ. Overall, it simply wasn't enough to keep it going.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

The OP could say....I am staying home to pleasure myself because May is National Masturbation Month! 

How do you like those apples? :rofl:


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

anon pink said:


> interesting!
> 
> If my husband felt we didn't have sex often enough and declined an outing so he could stay home to masturbate, it would certainly drive his point home that he needed sexual contact more frequently.
> 
> ...


 and moan real loud too!!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Just an FYI....


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

Laralie said:


> Yes, I said those things. But context is everything. I should have added a smiley face in the reply to Gus. I Know my man and this is NEVER EVER happening. The not meeting each others needs, that's been addressed many many times. Nothing has changed yet. I certainly do NOT want to have to take care of my own sexual needs all the time, what is covert about that?
> 
> I'm going to read that link you posted. Maybe I'm being obtuse.:scratchhead:


If my wife said she was staying home to masturbate [and if she was ok with my staying home too] I'd get comfortable and get a good seat and watch the show. I am sure I'd join in the playtime too as I watched her!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

askari said:


> I would only rub it in his face if you have tried talking to him, had the discussions, agreed on what you are both going to do to try and make things better.!


there is another thread somewhere on oral sex!:rofl:


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

This is a great title for a thread!

Along those same lines, I am thrilled when my wife asks me to buy more batteries because the ones in her vibrator have run out....I am glad she uses it for added pleasure!


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

We do use the vibe(s) together fairly regularly, but I wish she would use them by herself more often. I have definitely noticed that she wants sex with me more frequently when she is masturbating on a regular basis.

In fact, if my wife announced that she was not going somewhere with me so she could masturbate, I would be out the door in a flash. I know that will lead to more, hotter sex in the very near future.

She tells me that sometimes she just wants to "rub one out" by herself and have a couple of quick orgasms without all the muss/fuss/foreplay/preparations of actual sex. As long as the vibrator or tub faucet doesn't replace my tongue, hands, and c*ck and we have enough partnered sex to keep both of us satisfied, I'm more than happy to have her masturbate.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

keeper63 said:


> We do use the vibe(s) together fairly regularly, but I wish she would use them by herself more often. I have definitely noticed that she wants sex with me more frequently when she is masturbating on a regular basis.
> 
> In fact, if my wife announced that she was not going somewhere with me so she could masturbate, I would be out the door in a flash. I know that will lead to more, hotter sex in the very near future.
> 
> She tells me that sometimes she just wants to "rub one out" by herself and have a couple of quick orgasms without all the muss/fuss/foreplay/preparations of actual sex. As long as the vibrator or tub faucet doesn't replace my tongue, hands, and c*ck and we have enough partnered sex to keep both of us satisfied, I'm more than happy to have her masturbate.



:iagree: 100%


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I can totally understand where the OP is coming from here. My husband and I both work from home and he rarely goes out without me. I would love the opportunity of more time on my own and the privacy to masturbate. I'm in a sexless marriage and this is the only sex I'll get so I see it as essential. However, finding somewhere private to do this is hard work. My husband is lying on the bed most of the time, so the bedroom is out and I'm reduced to using the bathroom and standing up to masturbate. Yep, it relieves the tension somewhat, but I would love the time, space and privacy to actually have a long session and really get into it and enjoy it. On the odd occasion that my husband does leave the house for more than an hour on his own, I can then at least lie down on the bed comfortably to bring myself off.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"I am not going with you. I'm staying home to masturbate."

I love this. Totally sexy. But we never did find out from Laralie how her husband reacted.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

I'd love it if my wife said this and sent the kids and I to get ice cream. Of course I'd love to get details and a re-enactment later, or stay to watch. Neither would be required though.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I guess we will never get an update on how it went!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Redheadguy said:


> I'd love it if my wife said this and sent the kids and I to get ice cream. Of course I'd love to get details and a re-enactment later, or stay to watch. Neither would be required though.


I would love it too...and I would ask my wife to place our video camera on the bedroom dresser...aimed at her side of the bed....and simply press start before her self pleasuring session. 

Now THAT would be provocative!!!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Perhaps OP went out with her husband and masturbated the same time?


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

*Re: Re: No, I am not going with you. I'm staying home to masturbate.*



doobie said:


> I can totally understand where the OP is coming from here. My husband and I both work from home and he rarely goes out without me. I would love the opportunity of more time on my own and the privacy to masturbate. I'm in a sexless marriage and this is the only sex I'll get so I see it as essential. However, finding somewhere private to do this is hard work. My husband is lying on the bed most of the time, so the bedroom is out and I'm reduced to using the bathroom and standing up to masturbate. Yep, it relieves the tension somewhat, but I would love the time, space and privacy to actually have a long session and really get into it and enjoy it. On the odd occasion that my husband does leave the house for more than an hour on his own, I can then at least lie down on the bed comfortably to bring myself off.


Why does hubby occupy the bed so often?


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> Redheadguy said:
> 
> 
> > I'd love it if my wife said this and sent the kids and I to get ice cream. Of course I'd love to get details and a re-enactment later, or stay to watch. Neither would be required though.
> ...


I've done this before as a birthday present for an ex bf a few years before I met Joe. He was appreciative for my thoughtful gift ......... and quite sad when I got it from him after we broke up haaaaa !!!

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

omgitselaine said:


> I've done this before as a birthday present for an ex bf a few years before I met Joe. He was appreciative for my thoughtful gift ......... and quite sad when I got it from him after we broke up haaaaa !!!
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


That gift would be priceless!!!! Wow is all I can say.  I can only wish....


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

Wow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Laralie said:


> This is what I am planning to say tonight, when he invites me to his child's sporting event. He always, always wants me to go with him, wherever it is he's going. Grocery store, hardware store, sporting events, friend's houses, I mean everywhere. I know he would much prefer I go with him tonight.
> 
> We had a discussion Sunday, 3 days ago, about the lack of sex in our relationship. Sunday the sex was great, after the discussion. Once a week is just not enough for me. We've had many discussions about this, but nothing changes for the long term.
> 
> ...



I feel for you. Too many men and women with healthy high sex drives married to LD spouses that just don't care or get it, but always talk about how they might try and improve the sex frequency on their part. Never happens....

Sex once a week for you isn't enough. You are talking to the choir. I too am a high sex drive individual and sex once a week isn't enough for me either. My wifee of 15 years sounds like your hubby, always talks about how they might try and increase the amount of sex but it never happens and something always comes up.

I have masturbated so many times, thousands, over the 15 years of being married to my LD wifee its not funny. I would rather have sex with her but you can't do much with a LD spouse that won't take care of your needs as their own.

Your hubby is to take care of your need (sexual) as his own. That means, when you are in the mood, and initiate, he doesn't turn you down and make excuses. He drops what he is doing and rocks your world. I'm sure you would take care of his non sexual need when he needs that as well. But it goes both ways.

Telling your hubby I'm staying home to masturbate is awesome on your part. He knows you have a high sex drive and he isn't taking care of your needs. He is to man up and do so. Buy toys, new oils and take care of yourself often. If that gets him angry, tell him to his face, sex once a week isn't even close to enough and until he takes care of your needs as his own, you won't stop masturbating.

Wish you all the best and that he gets it and starts being a man. In the meantime, enjoy the masturbation.:smthumbup:


You could mix Tribulus terrestris or honry goat weed in his drinks.......WILL get him horny often. Cheap and safe too. But you didn't hear that from me.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

ankh said:


> Why does hubby occupy the bed so often?


In reply to your question, he needs to lie down as he doesn't find sitting in an armchair comfortable enough. He has an aching shoulder at the moment (been this way for several weeks), so is trying to rest it as much as possible. If it weren't the shoulder giving problems, it would probably be his back. Whatever, he finds it much more comfortable to lie down that to sit, so our bed is getting covered with food crumbs from his snacking and the sheets are constantly getting dirty. I change the bedding every two or three days as he doesn't bathe or shower very often which also makes the bed smell unpleasant. At the moment I'm trying to find the courage to suggest separate bedrooms so I could at least sleep in a clean and nice smelling bed. We don't really have sex, so I can't see that me having my own bedroom could make any difference to him.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

I can fully relate to the sore shoulder as I have injured both of mine, but, I was never piggish about it; I get up everyday to shower and the sheets have to be washed frequently. I'd go for the separate bed. No way I'd want to sleep near that mess.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I have to say that the title of this thread makes me laugh....in a good way.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Vega said:


> I think if we went into a marriage/relationship with the expectation of taking care of our own sexual needs (this does NOT mean going outside the relationship to get our sexual needs met!), couples would be having sex less frequently, but the *quality* would be greatly improved.
> 
> Vega


I have the opposite results. The quality doesn't improve, it becomes an opportunity of using your spouse to orgasm whenever she gives you that chance. Rather than having sex frequently and knowing you don't have to orgasm or finish right then and there, but can instead just enjoy the intimacy. With constant intimacy it opens a whole new level of sex.

But, that's just my experience.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Just read the first post.....

my thoughts, why are you complaining about your man wanting to spend as much time with you as possible? You should be excited/thankful, most women would LOVE that.

As for sex, clearly he is no match for you and is not willing to change/adjust.

It's time to find someone that will. You guys are not a good match, as simple as that.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Wow. Holy ****e. If my wife said that she'd be fücked. Literally. 

In sorry that it's come to this. Men need 2x4's so when you say this he may be thinking "awe she's a horny vixen" when he should be saying "I want in in that!!"

Men need direct communication. Instead of saying "I don't want to go to your sports event so I'm going to masturbate" tell him "I want you to stay home and screw me"

Men are problem solvers. So give him a problem to fix. Say "I need 3 orgasms a week. It's your job to fix it. I think your the right man for the job!

Clear. Concise.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

omgitselaine said:


> I've done this before as a birthday present for an ex bf a few years before I met Joe. He was appreciative for my thoughtful gift ......... and quite sad when I got it from him after we broke up haaaaa !!!
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Most excellent gift elaine. My wife surprised me with a nice video of her shaving...


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Laralie said:


> Faithful - Disagree on the covert description. I'm very much not being covert. I've told him many times I want more sex, including 3 days ago. Nothing changes. Staying home from something I don't want to do anyway to do something I do want to do, and being HONEST about it is not covert.
> 
> Cool - No I do not want him to stay home. I actually want him to GO so I can be alone.
> 
> ...


55


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

I truly feel for everyone that do not get the sex that they need from their spouse/ significant other. While there was a time early on in my life that I had to masturbate, I cannot envision doing that while living with a "roommate"; I just love a warm body to give and receive pleasure. Masturbation for me just does not satisfy any ware close to an encounter with a like minded woman! There would just have to be a marriage adjustment such as an open marriage or divorce. I am very adamant about the importance of sex in a relationship.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Tell him you'd rather spend the day with Bob Hitachi


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

Laralie said:


> CAtherine - How is stating that I'm staying home to masturbate to unclear and indirect? I'm not actually trying to communicate anything more than that by staying home tonight.
> 
> If I go tonight, I'll be going only because he enjoys me going. I hate the sport. I'd truly prefer to stay home and masturbate.
> 
> ...


First hubby needs to start taking care of business at home!! Second if he did and provided you with love and attention you'd probably be incline to go with him just to be together. But if my wife said I'm going to bed to rub one out I'd be right there beside her hard as a rock. And horny as hell


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