# Not sure what to do



## confusedandstuck (May 2, 2013)

I've been married for 3 years, but have known my husband for 7. He has PTSD and it has gotten worse over the years, especially in the past 2 years. We lived together for about a year and a half before we were married, and things were great. After the wedding, he started to become distant. I make more money, and pay almost all of the household bills. That frustrates him, understandably, but to make matters worse, he is irresponsible with the money he does have. After we were married, our sex life plummeted and is now non-existent. He gives me a ton of excuses as to why he doesn't want to have sex. I feel like he's my roommate. We've been to two different marriage counselors, but they haven't helped. He says he doesn't know why he doesn't want to have sex even though he's attracted to me. We talked about having children when we were still dating, and now he tells me he isn't ready. We're in our early 30's. I feel like if I stay in this marriage, I am going to be giving up my ability to be a mother. I'm so unhappy. I love my husband, and I thought we would be able to get through anything, but now I'm not so sure. I'm tired of having to pay for everything. I'm tired of just waiting for him to want me. It kills me to think I may never have children because he won't have sex with me. 

I don't know what to do. He doesn't make enough money to live on his own, and I don't think his parents would let him move back in with them. He needs a car to get to work, but it's in my name, and he can't afford the payments. I feel like if I leave, I'll be causing him to lose everything. I'm so torn.


----------



## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

confusedandstuck said:


> He has PTSD and it has gotten worse over the years, especially in the past 2 years.


C&S, welcome to the TAM forum. An important issue is whether your H really does have PTSD or, rather, another disorder. I therefore ask several questions: How do you know for sure he has PTSD? Was he diagnosed by a psychologist or psychiatrist? What traumatic event caused the PTSD and when did it occur in his life? When his PTSD symptoms "got worse," exactly what type of symptoms were you seeing?


----------



## confusedandstuck (May 2, 2013)

Uptown said:


> C&S, welcome to the TAM forum. An important issue is whether your H really does have PTSD or, rather, another disorder. I therefore ask several questions: How do you know for sure he has PTSD? Was he diagnosed by a psychologist or psychiatrist? What traumatic event caused the PTSD and when did it occur in his life? When his PTSD symptoms "got worse," exactly what type of symptoms were you seeing?


Yes, he was diagnosed by the VA after returning from Iraq about 7 years ago. I met him after he got out of the military, but the symptoms didn't start becoming obvious until about a year after our marriage. He started withdrawing, pushing me away emotionally and and has recently lost his sex drive. He is currently in therapy. 

We talked tonight and he said he loves me so much that if I feel leaving is the best thing for me, then he will support my decision. I just don't know. I love him so much, but I don't want to resent him for the rest of my life.


----------



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

I'm sorry your here, this is a tough spot to be in. You sound like you both love each other and want it to work, that's a HUGE positive. How to get the ball rolling back to happiness, that's tough. I know my own expierences is that we had to go thru SEVERAL MC before we found one that bonded for us. Is he on medication? if so is he taking it regularly like he's supposed to be?

Can he keep getting free counseling thru the VA, if so, he MUST keep going, he cant do it by himself. I hope the both of you can figure it out, sounds like it could be a great story, but time is running out.


----------

