# I messed up, but my anger mad me do it?



## fitin2011 (Apr 10, 2011)

I have never been on a forum really before, and today I am just looking for a friend or advice. I betrayed my husband's trust financially. I have been a stay at home mom for 6 years and after all his names of being lazy, stupid, other names that are very hurtful I went back to work. It lasted about 2 1/2 months. I just couldn't afford to pay daycare for 4 kiddos. The only thing I was helping out with was groceries. That was not enough for him. During working, I was a bad mother, still lazy on my days off, even though the house and supper were always taken care of. He found out that I had not been paying a few bills and took some money out of the savings account to pay for daycare and he exploded. I get so full of hate that I drink! He is so emotionally and sometimes physically abusive that I want to hurt him back. The only way to hurt him is financially. 
Anyone have any advice he said today he wants a divorce! I want to be a good wife and mother I just don't know how to a person that will never think I am worth it!


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

A good divorce is better than a bad marriage. And nobody can make you drink, please remember that alcohol can not only destroy your life but can damage others around you emotionally (I'm not saying don't go to a bar once in a while lol but you know what I mean, if you are concerned about alcoholism developing I hope you will seek help). I don't know if taking money out of his savings account for daycare is such an evil thing, it's not like you were using it on a new wardrobe or anything like that. He wanted you to work but he expected you to be able to pay daycare for 4 children on menial wages? That doesn't sound very realistic to me. If you have been accustomed to being a stay at home wife and he wants a divorce, look into alimony and/or child support. And if he wanted you to work he should have been happy with you at least bringing home grocery money, something. It's so hard to get a full time job in this economy, especially during hours when there is school or daycare readily available. Your husband needs a reality check, and you need to be more honest. If he really wants a divorce it may be better for everyone involved.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

This is a bad dynamic, where he hurts you and you want to hurt him back. Because he has hurt you physically, it could and probably will happen again. Talk to someone at a domestic shelter, please. 

But there is so much more you need to do for you. Get individual counseling NOW. The fact that you have stayed with an abusive man suggests you have very poor self esteem. You also need to learn that you cannot please someone who has a vested interest in keeping you down--what you do right will NEVER matter. When you get your head around these issues, you can then start planning for a better future, with or without him. And if the professionals you consult think you need to leave him for safety's sake, do it. You will find that it will all work out--it may be difficult, but better that then continuing in a situation that puts you and your kids at risk each day. Abusers are dangerous. Please remember that--and remember he will want you to be afraid of him, so the only way out is. . .out. God bless.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Whether you can fix things with this guy or you end up latched on to someone else, one thing is important to learn. You can't hurt your spouse without hurting yourself. Either both win or both lose. Your husband needs to learn the same lesson.


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## fitin2011 (Apr 10, 2011)

Thank you all so much, for the great advice! I have been told for so many years that I am a piece of dog *@#%! I have a hard time believing in myself! I am so stressed and so lost that I just don't know what to do! Just like today when he got mad he kicked in the bathroom door and left for his friends at the bar! As he left he told me that I broke his heart again! I have never cheated on him and have tried to be a good wife! He said he was going to turn me into the police for stealing money out of the account, because he is the who owns it! Then he said he wasn't because I am the mother of his kids and he doesn't the kids to see me being arrested. After that he sat and told the kids what I did, and hopes that they will never turn out like their mother. I didn't cry then because I have become so hardened by him. But I am crying now, he is not around!


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

Reeks of abuser, fitin2011! Abuse is not just physical but emotional, and doing things like kicking doors or hitting walls is a way of asserting dominance and reminding you that he is a force to be reckoned with. Let alone the psychological abuse of treating you like you are worthless. I hope you will come to realize that you deserve better treatment from a partner in your life and that you don't have to resign yourself to feeling unhappy all or most of the time.


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