# Am I being irrational??



## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

I have been working on jealousy issues for a while now even going to counseling. It's been a TON better lately and my wife and I have a great marriage. We got into our first argument in awhile the other day bc my wife was outside in our backyard with our kids in yoga pants and a bikini top. We love on a corner lot in a subdivision where anyone driving by could easily see anything going on in our backyard. Am I wrong to think this is a bit inappropriate? She asked her friend who told her she thought it was a bit trashy looking. My wife is pissed bc she doesn't think she was doing anything wrong and that I am back to being that "crazed jealous guy" which I really don't think I am. What do you guys think?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyrnaLoy (Apr 23, 2013)

It's all relative really. She's in her own backyard, which I tend to think people should be able to be more comfortable. Lots of women I know sunbathe in their backyards. She was in a bikini top and yoga pants--so it is more covered than she'd be at the beach. I don't really see anything wrong with it, honestly. I'm assuming it is hot where you are, she was probably trying to get a good base tan while playing with the kids. 

Opinions will probably vary on this, but it is your wife's body, her choice. Its not like she didn't have a top on at all.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Nothing inappropriate with wearing a bikini top in your own backyard.

Do you also get upset if she wears a bikini at the beach?

Be honest.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I think you have an insecurity problem, not a jealousy problem.

As described, you are acting insecure.

If your wife is purposely trying to attact male attention, that's a differernt story.


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## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

Emerald said:


> Nothing inappropriate with wearing a bikini top in your own backyard.
> 
> Do you also get upset if she wears a bikini at the beach?
> 
> Be honest.


Not upset about a bikini at the beach bc everyone is wearing bathing suits. Different story around the neighborhood
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

jealoushubby said:


> Not upset about a bikini at the beach bc everyone is wearing bathing suits. Different story around the neighborhood
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Why, because you know your neighbors? Embarrassed of what they might say about her? you?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I think yoga pants & bikini top in the backyard is no big deal. If I drove past and saw it, it wouldn't make me think anything about the person wearing it. 

If I saw that in a restaurant or grocery store, it would make me wonder if the person was trashy or looking for attention.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

If my girlfriend expressed to me that my attire was trashy looking, that would prolly hurt my feelings a little bit, EVEN if I knew she was right, lol.

Your wife may have been offended by your comment and then when her gf agreed with you to some extent, it made her even more upset/angry. 

Especially if your wife was thinking that her attire was ok and appropriate. 

Truth is, I feel very uncomfortable displaying all my parts in any type of public area even though I look great. I was raised to be VERY conservative. However my neighbor across the street lays out in her front yard in her bikini almost 4 times a week..

Sometimes I wish I could be so bold because I really could use a little sun =) Im soooo pale.... 

If your wife was still in yoga pants, I am assuming she is still a bit conservative... =)

I don't think your line of thinking is inappropriate and I don't think hers is either... 

Just different levels of comfort about how much should be displayed I think....


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## Principal (Mar 21, 2013)

Sorry, but I really think you're being ridiculous. Give her a break. She is playing with the kids for Christ's sake.

Me personally, I would see it as a positive thing if my wife was comfortable enough with her body to be in the yard in a bikini top and yoga pants. Compliment her, don't put her down. Assuming she loves YOU, you're the only one she would want to be attracting, but I doubt very much that's what she was trying to do in the front yard. It was probably hot.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> We got into our first argument in awhile the other day bc my wife was outside in our backyard with our kids in yoga pants and a bikini top. We love on a corner lot in a subdivision where anyone driving by could easily see anything going on in our backyard.


And what exactly would they see? A woman playing with her kids in the back yard.

Joggers wear less than that and they run through the neighborhood and no one thinks anything of it.

Why are you making problems where they don't exist? What exactly do you think is the problem here? Do you really believe your wife is trying to attract and hook up with some neighbors that happen to drive by? Do you believe some neighbor who sees her is going to stop, get out of his car and go chat her up in the backyard with the kids?


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

In a word: Yes.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Well as a guy I can say I would have been totally relaxed about this when we were younger. Now we are older i know it just is not going to happen as she has reached an age where she considers it more dignified to cover up than to reveal. 

In fact I was always very happy for my wife to let others see enough to realise how very lucky I was!

She was so beautiful.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

My wife wouldn't make the same choice, as she is very conservative with what she displays in public. Back yards can be pretty public. And I agree with her choices 100%. I don't want guys driving by checking out her wares. That's not jealousy, it's called dressing appropriately for the situation. 

I see women in grocery stores wearing stretch pants as jeans, and it's disgusting. So there's my two cents.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

if my husband told me I couldn't wear that in my own backyard or front yard, I would be very upset and think that he has no right to tell me what to wear on my own property. Good for her to feel good enough about herself to wear a bikini top.

I don't think your thinking that it's OK at a beach because everyone is in a bathing suit is logical. Now if she wore that to a restaurant - no - that's not OK, but in her own backyard? Please! with her kids! there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and you are out of line.

I've been in my front yard wearing a bikini - rolling up hose, or getting something. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable on your own property. Put up a fence or tall bushes if you have a problem.

This is a control issue, not a modesty issue, and I'd be really bent out of shape if I was your wife and you were getting upset over this.


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

Too controlling. She wasn't naked. Leave it alone.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

One more vote for the leave her alone in her own back yard covered in more than she'd have on at the beach position.

So now you've gotten some feedback on a specific question. The real interesting part now is what will you do with that feedback? The question and answer have larger implications than simply what your wife should wear in the back yard.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

You owe your wife a huge apology.

There is nothing remotely inappropriate about her attire while playing in the backyard with the kids.

The issue here is you. She did nothing wrong.


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## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

I agree that I was being irrational and I apologized. I never yelled at her or got angry though so we talked for a few minutes and we are ok with everything. She said she won't wear something if it makes me uncomfortable and I said I am not going to tell her what she can and cannot wear. I don't "own" her. I just wish I didn't get that pit in my stomach feeling when stuff like this happens. I am naturally jealous and insecure and it's just something I will always need to work on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"I just wish I didn't get that pit in my stomach feeling when stuff like this happens."


Have you done much inner work on this? This is likely happening due to a repetitve thought pattern. You can consciously break the pattern with certain mental techniques.


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