# I feel guilty and am a bit angry. WTF?!?!?!?



## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

*Am I missing something? WTF?!?!?!?*

I thought things were going well until last night. You see, yesterday I stayed home from work because both my H and I had doctor's appointments. I have been staying the night at his house for about a week straight. 

When my youngest step-daughter got home from school, she said she did not feel well and complained of a horribly sore throat and exhaustion. I suggested she come with us to the doctor's office.

When we got there she explained to me that she had been experiencing heart palpitations a few times a day while simply watching tv, her hips and legs would feel numb, and her toes looked blue. I then jumped out of my seat and requested to see the doctor immediately. The doctor did not seem too concerned, but is ordering her to have an ekocardiogram just in case.

Later, my H said that he loved seeing me rush to take care of my step-daughter. He said that it felt good to have me around again. It certainly did touch my heart.

Later, my step-daughter was having some personal issues, so I took her with me to the supermarket alone to allow her to talk about what was bothering her. Apparently, she is going through the depression of being a 16-year-old teenage girl, who is trying to figure out who she is, and also experiencing some heartache. Typical, or so we would all think. The problem was I realized she was not doing so well in coping with her internal turmoil, as she expressed that she wanted to commit suicide, but refused to fully explain what was bothering her. I told her that we would find her a therapist right away. I suggested she speak to someone privately about whatever was bothering her without the pressure of us parents. She was happy about this.

After my step-daughter want to bed, I told my H about her thoughts of suicide and told him that he needed to get her in therapy right away. To my surprise, he did not respond in an extremely concerned manner. Rather, he told me that while he was not trying to be mean, he did not want me to tell him what to do with his daughter. He told me that if I wanted to act like a wife and mother, then I should move back home. WTF?!?!?!?

When we were going to bed, he told me he was irritated by the fact that I kept my things together in my so-called "gypsy-bag." I told him that I just needed to know that I did not live there right now. I need the security of knowing that I can leave if necessary. He told me that he loved having me there, but needed to share his life with me. He asked me what I would do if he decided that he was done. I said that I would have to find a way to deal with it.

He seemed irritated and we went to bed.

This morning he was acting very short with me, so I called him on my way to work. He asked me if there was a chance I would not be coming home. I was a bit taken aback by this question, as I have been more than clear about the way I feel, and he has told me many times that he understands my position. I am scared and also realize that I need to determine whether or not I can let go of the pain he has caused me in the past. I understand his desire to have his family back together, but should I do what he wants me to do, when he wants me to do it? What about my concerns? Should I just not care about my own needs and fears, and consider his feelings as more important than my own? 

I question why I should feel bad for him and what he is going through. He mistreated me for many years. Why should I be made to feel bad? I am trying very hard to make certain that I never allow him to mistreat me again. Maybe he deserves to suffer heartache for what he did to me. I am not trying to get revenge or anything like that, I'm just saying. I mean, who is he, my abuser, to make me feel bad about being cautious about moving back home, or wearing my wedding rings. These things are only a couple of the few things I have left that let me know that I can walk away, if I feel hurt or scared.

Just as we were about to hang-up the phone this morning, he decided to let me know that he would be devastated if I did not come back home.

Is he just hurting, or is he using my step-daughter and his feelings against me? Is he trying to make me feel guilty for not being home yet? Is he trying to pressure me?

I do feel pressured. I do feel bad. I do feel like he was using my step-daughter to wrench at my heart strings. I do feel angry.

Am I wrong for the way I feel? :wtf:


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

So, after I posted yesterday evening I couldn't take it anymore. All I kept thinking about was how I had asked my H if he had found a therapist for my step-daughter and his telling me that he had not. I was so worried about her situation that I couldn't not get involved, as my H has requested. 

I tried to call him repeatedly, but he did not answer. My only thoughts were to hunt him down and throw a fit until he took care of the matter, or call the police and have her bakkeracted. I drove out to his house, and when he answered the door he looked surprised and happy. I could tell that he was not thinking about my step-daughter's issues. He was only concerned with being happy that I was there. I asked him if he had looked for a therapist yet and he still had not. I asked him what he was going to do and he just told me that he would take care of it. I asked what he was going to do about it, and he again repeated that he would take care of it. I asked when, and he once again just repeated that he would take care of it.

I was just shocked at his semming lack of urgency in the matter. Your child expresses that she wants to die and thinks of committing suicide and you do nothing! What kind of parent are you? He was making it all out to be nothing, and just kept telling me that if I wanted to be a wife and mother, then I should come home. 

I told him that this situation has nothing to do with he or I, and that something needed to be done. I informed him that this is a serious situation. I asked him if he had even told her mother, which is who she was with at the time. He told me that he had not. I asked him if he thought she should know, and he just repeated that he would take care of it. I was very mad and upset by this point that I began to cry. He told me that he guessed he would have to do things my way as usual. I told him that this had nothing to do with what I wanted. I told him it had everything to do with what was right and what needed to be done for his daughter. He told me that her problem was our separation. I told him I did not think so.

Every word he said came out sarcastically, as if I was controlling him and telling him what to do. He was acting as if I always had to have my way, and said with irritation "Okay then, What do you want me to do?" I told myself to get over his antics and instructed him to call her mother right away. He asked me if I wanted him to call her now, and I said I did. He finally called. He finally called his ex-wife. He walked away from me, though, so I could not hear his conversation. Whatever. At least he was making the call, so her mother would be aware and could watch her until she was in therapy.

When he got off the phone, I met up with him on the front porch where he appeared to be crying a little. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he is unable to talk to me about his feelings because I always dismiss them. This is incorrect. For the last week I have made a point to make sure that I listen to him whenever he expresses his feelings, without interruption or getting upset. The problem is that after he had expressed his feelings, he becomes irritated when I begin to express my own. I have pointed this out to him several times over the last week and he refuses to ignore the truth. It seems as though he just wants me to feel bad for him, or like he is just so hurt. He tells me that I do not understand what it is like to be on his end. He tells me that it hurts to need his wife and she is not there with him. I told him that I completely understand how he feels, as there were several times in the past when I needed his support, and he was either not there for me or made me feel like a terrible person, rather than giving me the love and support that I needed at the time. I'm talking about instances where I had to go to the ER, and his walking in and angrily saying "What's the matter now?" in a very condescending tone. The girls at my job realized why I had asked them not to contact him, before I took off for the hospital.

I am very angry and astounded by the way he has handled this situation. I feel like he has used it against me.

Am I wrong?


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