# Personal Trainers and Affairs



## Ticonderoga

Just wondering how many folks have been involved with or know of folks falling for their "personal" trainers. I have heard of several cases recently.


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## southbound

I live in a rural area. The only personal trainers around here are for dogs and horses. I haven't heard of any affairs so far!:rofl:


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## Sanity

From my experience at gyms yes this happens alot. Male personal trainers can be vultures especially if they are single and their client is attractive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

Anytime I hear a friend or colleague talking about their wives getting personal trainers it raises my eye brows. I spend a lot of time at the gym myself. On a few occasions, these women are like super, double down hot already.

Now getting in shape and all that are great. A woman can have a personal training and not have to spread her legs and bang him.


One just needs to be objective here though and know what the possibilities are. 

1) Why is the wife working out? Like I said there are wonderful things about it. But, if she has low self esteem she is going to be vulnerable. If she is upping her sex rank to leave, she is beyond vulnerable.

2) Being the Alpha stud teacher / trainer is a sexy thing. Women are getting attention form this guy. He may even be "hands on". They likely look at him as looking good. he is probably perceived to be in good shape. Whether he is or not.

3) He is not making much money but he may be spending more quality positve time with your wife than you are. The endorphins are flowing. He is interested in how she looks and is complementing her for motivation.

4) Gotta be some psychological thing to the fact that this guy is basically available at her whim. A hot guy at her finger tips.

5) She can friend him on facebook, email him, exchange cell numbers or whatever and be totally justified. Just one more opportunity for an EA to start. 

6) She thinks -- You know he really cares about me.

7) Women like discrete men. Women like men who have other women interested in them ( pre-selection ). 

8) He may be single and into the perks of his job. Kinda like a golf instructor. So the predator effect. AND you are paying him to seduce your wife.

9) This is a physical activity. Again he may be "hands on". That can be subtle. If he has any PUA knowledge he knows how to break down barriers methodically in a non obvious way. he can take his fingertips and put them on her butt and ask her to move a certain way and he is only checking to see if her glutes are activating. Maybe he is just spotting her. 

10) How she dresses to go to the GYM matters.

I am sure there is more. Yes this is a paranoid view. BUT, I beleive that if your wife is seeing a personal trainer regularly, you should be very interested in how that relationship is progressing.


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## Entropy3000

Just for emphasis, trust has little to do with this. If trust is an issue you are over your head already.

You can trust someone 100% but anyone can fall into an EA if the conditions are right. Some folks are very resistant to this because they are very savvy. Others have already made that mistake and know better.

An EA can happen without your wife looking for one. The only reason I say this is that you need to take care of your relationship. If you do not, your partner can become emotianally vulnerable to a predator or just somebody who is meeting a need. It does not make them a bad person.


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## Therealbrighteyes

We have a trainer. He trains my husband and I and yes he is very good looking, single, from Brazil and his name is Ulysses (I kid you not) and no I would never cheat.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> We have a trainer. He trains my husband and I and yes he is very good looking, single, from Brazil and his name is Ulysses (I kid you not) and *no I would never cheat*.


I was expecting this. 

*Tales of Brave Ulysses*

If I had a personal trainer I would want her name to be ....


JADE


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> I was expecting this.
> 
> *Tales of Brave Ulysses*
> 
> If I had a personal trainer I would want her name to be ....
> 
> 
> JADE


So paint your chains green and call them Jade. Problem solved!


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## Lon

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So paint your chains green and call them Jade. Problem solved!


lol

In other news, what sort of things should I write on my resume, I'm thinking of becoming a personal trainer...

(double down hot you say entropy?)


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## Therealbrighteyes

Lon said:


> lol
> 
> In other news, what sort of things should I write on my resume, I'm thinking of becoming a personal trainer...
> 
> (double down hot you say entropy?)


Well what are your qualifications?


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## Lon

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Well what are your qualifications?


passion for shapely bodies
willing to learn new things
recently separated
interest in anatomical motion
have had success in reducing weight - was able to shed 20lbs and get to my goal weight in less than a month (right about the same time I became separated)
lots of other stuff (I get like 90% of the answers on "high school jeapordy).


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## Therealbrighteyes

Lon said:


> passion for shapely bodies
> willing to learn new things
> recently separated
> interest in anatomical motion
> have had success in reducing weight - was able to shed 20lbs and get to my goal weight in less than a month (right about the same time I became separated)
> lots of other stuff (I get like 90% of the answers on "high school jeapordy).


In other words: I like looking at hot sexy women in tight fitting clothing, I am newly single now and I love watching women on the treadmill as their breasts bounce up and down.

With those qualifications, you are a shoe in!

Anatomical motion.....**snort**


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It's a known phenomenon that dance instructors will flirt with students, but usually this is to get them to forget about the mechanics of dancing so that they will find themselves actually dancing without thinking about it.

Also, being able to dance while someone is giving you the maneuvers is important skill in social dancing. Because once you commit to a dance, you're stuck for the next 3 minutes. 

I like it when the studio owner's husband partners up with me in dance class because he is safe and fun and I can just relax and know it is nothing serious. There is another instructor who is just for tango, and it is really just about Argentine Tango. He is impressed with my core strength and likes to toy with me by leading me into maneuvers I haven't yet learned. Actually the other instructors do this too, they have discovered that I will follow just about any lead and I think they're addicted to the look of surprise and confusion on my face when I end up in a direction I did not know I was going. :-o I mean, dancing is fun. So it is what it is supposed to be.

Having a crush on a trainer or a dance instructor is common for first-timers in this kind of relationship, because suddenly someone is interested in your body and your goals and there is hands on and proximity. In dance, there is the understanding of expressed sexuality. 

It is a maturing process where you can recognize a crush and filter it out and determine for yourself is it just a crush or do you connect with the person outside of the environment? If you are connecting with the person other than a crush, you have to find a new trainer/instructor. Someone who has dealbreaker qualities but within the environment of training is still fun and motivating. 

If you are both single and click in the environment, I would imagine that it is worth exploring. But perhaps at the expense of losing a good trainer. Or for the trainer, losing a client or even a job if employed by the gym.

For the student/client, it is not okay to harass someone in their workplace, the trainer should have had instruction/coursework/experience/mentoring on how to deal with transferrence. Student/client should know better too. Same with the trainer. If it becomes an issue, they need to go to boss or have a discussion with client about the need to find someone who can better suit their needs (tactful) or to take a vacation or to have unavailability. If it's their job, they don't need a repuation around town or the gym scene, at being a homebreaker. Dealing with unstable clients is part of the workplace scene in this line of work.

Even as a med tech, when doing EKG's I would ask fighter pilots to unzip their flight suits to the waist and remove their tee-shirts. I had more than one completely disrobe and lie down flat on the EKG table while I had my back turned preparing paperwork!!!! A strange job hazard. I'd usually ask them if they wanted me to attack electrodes to any specific body parts and the wire up the machine to emit a charge rather than to detect them. Plus discuss the need to shave any areas where electrodes were attached. Amazing how fast they could accept the towel I'd offered as a cover-up. ;-]

If you do decide to date a trainer or dance instructror or anyone else who does hands-on stuff for a living (massage therapist) you'd better have good self-esteem, a solid relationship outside of the environment of employment (would you still love the person if they say, became disabled?), and solid trust and communication.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So paint your chains green and call them Jade. Problem solved!


Jade has her own chains.


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## Entropy3000

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It's a known phenomenon that dance instructors will flirt with students, but usually this is to get them to forget about the mechanics of dancing so that they will find themselves actually dancing without thinking about it.
> 
> Also, being able to dance while someone is giving you the maneuvers is important skill in social dancing. Because once you commit to a dance, you're stuck for the next 3 minutes.
> 
> I like it when the studio owner's husband partners up with me in dance class because he is safe and fun and I can just relax and know it is nothing serious. There is another instructor who is just for tango, and it is really just about Argentine Tango. He is impressed with my core strength and likes to toy with me by leading me into maneuvers I haven't yet learned. Actually the other instructors do this too, they have discovered that I will follow just about any lead and I think they're addicted to the look of surprise and confusion on my face when I end up in a direction I did not know I was going. :-o I mean, dancing is fun. So it is what it is supposed to be.
> 
> Having a crush on a trainer or a dance instructor is common for first-timers in this kind of relationship, because suddenly someone is interested in your body and your goals and there is hands on and proximity. In dance, there is the understanding of expressed sexuality.
> 
> It is a maturing process where you can recognize a crush and filter it out and determine for yourself is it just a crush or do you connect with the person outside of the environment? If you are connecting with the person other than a crush, you have to find a new trainer/instructor. Someone who has dealbreaker qualities but within the environment of training is still fun and motivating.
> 
> If you are both single and click in the environment, I would imagine that it is worth exploring. But perhaps at the expense of losing a good trainer. Or for the trainer, losing a client or even a job if employed by the gym.
> 
> For the student/client, it is not okay to harass someone in their workplace, the trainer should have had instruction/coursework/experience/mentoring on how to deal with transferrence. Student/client should know better too. Same with the trainer. If it becomes an issue, they need to go to boss or have a discussion with client about the need to find someone who can better suit their needs (tactful) or to take a vacation or to have unavailability. If it's their job, they don't need a repuation around town or the gym scene, at being a homebreaker. Dealing with unstable clients is part of the workplace scene in this line of work.
> 
> Even as a med tech, when doing EKG's I would ask fighter pilots to unzip their flight suits to the waist and remove their tee-shirts. I had more than one completely disrobe and lie down flat on the EKG table while I had my back turned preparing paperwork!!!! A strange job hazard. I'd usually ask them if they wanted me to attack electrodes to any specific body parts and the wire up the machine to emit a charge rather than to detect them. Plus discuss the need to shave any areas where electrodes were attached. Amazing how fast they could accept the towel I'd offered as a cover-up. ;-]
> 
> If you do decide to date a trainer or dance instructror or anyone else who does hands-on stuff for a living (massage therapist) you'd better have good self-esteem, a solid relationship outside of the environment of employment (would you still love the person if they say, became disabled?), and solid trust and communication.


Good post. :smthumbup:


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## magnoliagal

My solution was to get a female trainer.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

magnoliagal said:


> My solution was to get a female trainer.


For some people, that would fall under the category of finding a trainer with dealbreaker qualities (i.e. same gender). For other people, it might open up a whole new can of worms.

I did not mention dancing with female instructors or other female students of unknown persuasions. 

Any kind of physical training or other physical service, whether it is rock climbing, swimming, archery, spa treatments, massage, mammograms, pap smears, dancing, weight training, bra fitting... is a chance to practice how you relate to other people, with some barriers removed. Same sex or opposite sex, you are still going to learn something about yourself in the process other than the defined goal.


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## magnoliagal

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> For some people, that would fall under the category of finding a trainer with dealbreaker qualities (i.e. same gender).


That's what I meant. Once I did have a male trainer but he was well kind of dork personality wise. Zero attraction so that worked too but mostly I try to pick women.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

magnoliagal said:


> That's what I meant. Once I did have a male trainer but he was well kind of dork personality wise. Zero attraction so that worked too but mostly I try to pick women.


I had to double check your profile


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## BigBadWolf

I spend much time in gyms in "real life", and in several gym and power lifting forums online, have for many many years.

Personal trainers, married women, flirtation, one night stands and full blown affairs, happens ALL THE TIME.

My advice to any man on this forum, do not shut a blind eye to a male personal trainer spending much time with their wife.

And TheRealBrightEyes example is good to see, having a trainer for both you and your husband, is at least the proper structure to work as a couple. 

It is the same with any different gender relatoinships between a man and a woman, treat them the same.


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## Ticonderoga

Wife started working with a personal trainer in the early mornings prior to work at his house three times a week. The dude is fireman to add to the mix. She was kind of cryptic about it .....just partial details. Three weeks after starting to work with the guy we a hit bumpy patch in the marriage....21 years together. Well long story short we do the MC thing for a month and she decides pull the rip cord on the marriage and bail. No recovery options and seems to be in a real hurry to make the divorce happen. 

I have a relative who is a psychologist and I told them about the scenerio. The feedback I got was it is very common they get folks in all the time with this issue. Then a guy I knew had a close personal friend and his wife is bailing on him for a trainer. As folks point out this has to be a common theme.


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## Enchantment

Ticonderoga said:


> Wife started working with a personal trainer in the early mornings prior to work at his house three times a week. The dude is fireman to add to the mix. She was kind of cryptic about it .....just partial details. Three weeks after starting to work with the guy we a hit bumpy patch in the marriage....21 years together. Well long story short we do the MC thing for a month and she decides pull the rip cord on the marriage and bail. No recovery options and seems to be in a real hurry to make the divorce happen.
> 
> I have a relative who is a psychologist and I told them about the scenerio. The feedback I got was it is very common they get folks in all the time with this issue. Then a guy I knew had a close personal friend and his wife is bailing on him for a trainer. As folks point out this has to be a common theme.


Ticon ~

Sorry to hear about this. It does seem to be common. Where I work we have a company gym that employs personal trainers. One of the male trainers there constantly preyed on the women - I hated to even be in the gym when he was there. He finally got fired - but not before he snagged some gal and broke up her marriage (she had 4 kids too!)

I think that even though you should trust your spouse, you should not allow them to go into potentially dangerous situations if you can help it at all. I know that my husband would not have let me go out to another man's house to train. I don't see anything wrong with my husband's attitude - even though I am trustworthy. :angel3: I sure wouldn't allow him to go to some gal's house on his own to train. I would sure raise a huge ruckus if that ever occurred. 

I think spouses should put up a big stink about their partners wanting to do this - just put your foot down. Either get a same-sex trainer in a very public place, or go to one together.


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## Entropy3000

Enchantment said:


> Ticon ~
> 
> Sorry to hear about this. It does seem to be common. Where I work we have a company gym that employs personal trainers. One of the male trainers there constantly preyed on the women - I hated to even be in the gym when he was there. He finally got fired - but not before he snagged some gal and broke up her marriage (she had 4 kids too!)
> 
> *I think that even though you should trust your spouse, you should not allow them to go into potentially dangerous situations if you can help it at all. I know that my husband would not have let me go out to another man's house to train. I don't see anything wrong with my husband's attitude - even though I am trustworthy. :angel3: I sure wouldn't allow him to go to some gal's house on his own to train. I would sure raise a huge ruckus if that ever occurred. *
> 
> I think spouses should put up a big stink about their partners wanting to do this - just put your foot down. Either get a same-sex trainer in a very public place, or go to one together.


:iagree:

OMG, a wife going to the personal trainers house to train!?
A GYM is one thing but this is asking for trouble. There is the appearance of a problem. Appearances can cause stress on their own. Why would anyone put that kind of pressure on a marriage? Nothing to do with trust. You have to look out for your partner and help them not get into a bad situation.

Having a quality personal trainer that is both knowledgeable and professional is hard to come by. This is not a high paying profession for most. It can therefore be a very transient type of thing. You may have a good triner for a year or much less. Then they move on. If you are into competeing and such well that is another level of things. So you can get better and ore serious trainers period.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I went to my trumpet instructor's house for lessons. But he is one year younger than my adult son (20) and his mom was home and the dog poked its nose in to say hello, We discussed inhibitions but come on, trumpet is a loud instrument, you can't hide behind it you have to play what's in your heart and soul or it's gonna s*ck. We talked about clubs and I told him about the dance studio I go to as an option for getting out and meeting people (his family relocated from Texas after he started college - Oberlin). Plus it's a way to listen to music and use his sense of rhythm. IMO all trumpet players should know how to dance. I was so relieved that he is young and likeable and personable with very nice manners (kind to his mom and also to me) and fun. If he came to a dance class I would be happy to introduce him around to the young ladies home from college, or to my babysitter if I could get her to go to dance. (It's unlikely she'd take up trumpet, LOL.)

I did some rudimentary research online to make sure the guy was who he said he was, and exchanged a few technical emails where he was able to demonstrate his musical knowledge. I told myself before I went to the class that if he did turn out to be a perverted creep then I could certainly bail (kids needed me, didn't feel well, whatever) and give him the cash for the lesson. But nope, got myself a gem of an instructor, so it seems that Craig's List is good for something after all. (I got my research job on CL too, in 2006 or 2007, and still have it, and the person I worked for back then is now the dean of the school where I work.)

Trumpet is a very intimate instrument, for the uninformed.
I mean, you have to do stuff with your mouth.
And when you're practicing, there are a lot of embarassing sounds.
Then you also have to relax, while letting go of inhibitions to make a good sound, while remembering all of the technical stuff. So, it's a bit like sex if you think about it. Whereas weights have nothing to do with heart and soul, you're just focusing on the body and muscles. It's a whole different ball game. Falling for someone based on physical stuff alone is just that. It's bound to end, usually it's just an ego trip for the person who is doing the falling. On the other hand, I think you do need to click ina friendly way with someone who is helping you with something so personal.

My way to deal with it is if the attraction seems to be serious and mutual, to move it outside the professional environment either by getting to know the other person verbally, or eventually moving it outside the professional environment (by chance or intentionally). 
I am much older than other students who are going to college. So I expect maybe I will have to deal, sooner or later, with faculty who have an interest in me other than academic. Whatever, it is part of life. If you always worry about stuff like that and what will spouse think (my spouse always accused me of having affairs, even though I never even thought about it when we were dating and married, he was the one who cheated!) and what will other people think blah blah blah you will never do anything you enjoy in life just because you have qualities that someone might be attracted to or goodness sake you might think someone besides your spouse has good qualities. It's not like spouses have a monopoly on good qualities (well, mine especially I suppose). 

IMO people don't spend enough time with other people in close proximity. Americans especially always spending time alone, when they get with someone they don't know very well, all they know what to do is what they see on TV and that's just a really bad standard. When people are in groups and don't know each other, watch what they do, nobody wants to relate, they're all messed up over what other people think about them being there alone, so they fiddle with their cell phone or wireless so as to seem connected to someone and not a loner. So, everyone ends up without relational skills. Then someone touches their bicep or adjusts their hips when they're dead-lifting or whatever and they swoon and think it involves sex, or worse, romance.


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## Ticonderoga

Thanks for the input. It certainly seems like this can really ruin marriages/relationships in hurry. I wish I had been more aware of what was going on at the time.


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## DoYouWoo

I'm a trainer also, training people (mostly women) in their homes, so you'd think this would be a recipe for all sorts of shennanigans, but I always mention my wife and kids when I first meet a client to let them (and their husbands!) know I'm not some hormone-fuelled stallion (if only, says my wife!). I guess if a woman wanted to have an affair then her trainer would be an option, but so would anyone else who fitted the bill, so if you combine a trainer on the prowl with a woman open to an affir then I guess thats a bad combination, but I doubt a trainer would come on to a married woman who had never given out signals.


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## BigBadWolf

Older news story from 2005, but very relevant to this discussion.

The VERY PERSONAL Trainers; More Women Are Having Affairs With Their Fitness Gurus - Health News - redOrbit






> The VERY PERSONAL Trainers; More Women Are Having Affairs With Their Fitness Gurus
> EARLY one dark and dreary January morning a year ago, Alison Vaughan, 36, a director of an art and design firm, dragged herself to the gym.
> 
> Joining the gym for the first time was her New Year resolution. Her gym instructor, Jeremy, had brown hair, a toned, lithe body and a cheeky smile.
> 
> And the fact that he was ten years younger than her, charming and devastatingly attractive certainly helped motivate Alison in her bid to get fit.
> 
> Before she knew it, he had not only talked her into agreeing to do three gym sessions a week, but also persuaded her to get up at 6am for a personal cardio workout.
> 
> Jeremy was extremely attentive and his compliments made Alison feel good.
> 
> She was proud of herself for finding the motivation to get fit.
> 
> At Pounds 25 an hour three times a week, it was an expensive hobby, but she reasoned that if it had worked for celebrities such as Kate Beckinsale, it would work for her.
> 
> She also knew how proud her husband Andrew, 42, a director at the same company, would be.
> 
> Though they had no children and Alison didn't have the excuse of pregnancy weight gain, she had noticed that she was getting flabby around her waist and thighs. She wanted to make sure that Andrew still had eyes for her alone.
> 
> Within weeks, Jeremy offered to take sessions in her house as well as at the gym.
> 
> 'Soon, I started to look forward to the sessions perhaps a little more than I should,' says Alison.
> 
> 'If I'd been honest with myself, the real reason for booking more and more gym sessions with Jeremy was that I enjoyed his company.
> 
> 'My husband worked long hours and I enjoyed the easy banter with my personal trainer. Without wanting to sound like a woman with a schoolgirl crush, I was enjoying the way he made me feel.' The workouts became an escape from the boring outside world of meetings and hard work.
> 
> 'It was addictive. The fact that Jeremy made me feel attractive even when I was sweaty and not wearing makeup was hugely appealing.
> 
> 'He made me see the potential in myself to look sensational. I loved his company, the fact he was always complimentary and courteous, and treated me like a lady. After a few weeks, I found myself fantasising about wrapping my body around him.
> 
> 'I still loved my husband and had never been tempted to cheat on him before but the more I saw of Jeremy, the more I wanted to be with him.
> 
> 'I knew there was the potential for something to happen between us.
> 
> His physical fitness was a huge turnon.
> 
> The fact his skin would rub against mine as we were working out and I could smell his sweat was so exciting and intimate.' Jeremy's ability to make Alison feel as though she was the only woman in the world was an incredible aphrodisiac: suddenly, she was ready to walk into a trap which is proving a temptation for many women.
> 
> Plenty has been written about relationships between celebrities and gym instructors. Madonna's personal trainer, Carlos Leon, fathered her first child, Lourdes. VANESSA Feltz found long-term solace in the arms of her trainer, Dennis Duhaney, after the break- up of her 16-year-old marriage.
> 
> And it's not just famous people who are drawn to their gym instructors.
> 
> With more than 5,000 registered personal trainers in the UK, the number of ordinary women using their services is increasing.
> 
> And the number of wives finding themselves embroiled in locker room love affairs is growing, too.
> 
> The attraction is not purely physical. Cary Cooper, professor of psychology and health at Lancaster University, says that because of the intimate role personal trainers play in women's lives, and the positive encouragement they offer, they can appear to have all the qualities of the perfect partner.
> 
> 'Busy women with equally busy partners crave the sort of attention that a personal trainer can give them,' he says.
> 
> 'He takes the role of a confidant in much the same way as a hairdresser does, someone who sees you regularly and will listen to your problems and concerns.
> 
> 'Working one-on-one can be incredibly intimate, physically and emotionally. The personal trainer has a vested interest in your health and wellbeing, and is there to help you look and feel better. He is supportive and encouraging.
> 
> 'Moreover, he sees you at your worst, with no makeup and looking sweaty and unkempt. Yet for all that, he still accepts you for what you are.
> 
> 'Essentially, he is behaving in exactly the same way you would want your ideal partner to.' However, like any affair, a relationship with a personal trainer is inextricably linked with lies and deceit.
> 
> In the case of Alison, she found herself acting entirely out of character and actively pursuing an extramarital affair.
> 
> 'I made the first move,' she admits.
> 
> 'During one lunchtime session, Jeremy was adjusting some equipment I was working on and I spontaneously kissed his ear. As soon as I had done it, I felt mortified. Not because of my husband but in case Jeremy thought I was crazy. But he responded by telling me that he was extremely attracted to me.
> 
> 'Later that day, he called me on my mobile phone - he had my number to arrange our training sessions - and asked me to go out for a drink with him the following day.
> 
> 'I was so excited but my stomach was churning with guilt. He'd awakened feelings in me that I hadn't experienced for many years.
> 
> 'I knew deep down where it was leading and over the next few weeks our drinks turned from flirty chats to a fullblown affair.
> 
> 'Once a week, I would tell my husband I was seeing girlfriends, when I was really having the best sex of my life. Sex had suddenly become forbidden, exciting and sensual, unlike with my husband, who was predictable in bed.'
> 
> Naturally, Alison's affair started to dent her marriage as she found herself comparing her husband unfavourably with Jeremy. And while he continued to work long hours and so didn't suspect anything, Alison was aware of an unspoken gulf growing between them.
> 
> She made the classic mistake of thinking she was the only client Jeremy was involved with and so was devastated to discover he was having a similar relationship with another woman.
> 
> 'When a gym client I was friendly with told me she, too, had been sleeping with Jeremy, I felt sick. I confronted him and he didn't even try to deny it.
> 
> He just said he still fancied me but it was "just one of those things".
> 
> 'At first, I was hurt, then angry and finally I was overcome with utter shame at what a fool I'd been.
> 
> 'Of course, a man as good looking as Jeremy was going to have lots of women throwing themselves at him. I couldn't believe I'd put my marriage on the line over an affair; but for him, I was just another perk of the job.
> 
> 'I quickly changed gyms and although I still have a personal trainer, I made sure this time I chose a woman.
> 
> 'When I see other women in the gym flirting with their male instructors, I feel sorry for them. I know how easy it is to be conned by their flattery and hope they don't make the same mistake I did.' PAUL COOK, a 27-yearold personal trainer from Wimbledon, South- West London, says women throwing themselves at him is just part of the job.
> 
> 'Flirting with clients has always gone on, and most of the time it's harmless.
> 
> The majority of the women aren't my type anyway,' he says.
> 
> 'It's usually wealthy, married women in their late 30s with children who come on to me. It's not that they're bored housewives - most of them are intelligent career women with great jobs, who probably should know better, but can't quite stop themselves.' Dr Nick Neave, evolutionary psychologist at Northumbria University, says the attraction between a woman and her personal trainer is often inevitable purely in terms of how humans have developed.
> 
> 'Women prefer physical fitness in men because it indicates they are healthy.
> 
> They like broad shoulders, a narrow waist and guys who are hunky but not too muscular,' he says.
> 
> 'During exercise, the body releases chemicals called endorphins, which make you feel relaxed, happy and can even dull pain. When women feel some of these emotions, they can be far more sexually receptive.
> 
> 'This natural high makes them feel sexy and, subconsciously, they start looking for a mate.
> 
> 'Also, exercise releases chemicals called pheromones from a man's armpits, which increase his attractiveness to a woman. These chemicals can even change her perception of his face so she finds him more attractive.' A potent combination of sexual evolution and the fact that many women use their relationships - sexual and non- sexual - as an escape from unhappy relationships and marriages reflects a deeper problem in modern society, where increasingly both partners work hard, leaving little time for intimacy.
> 
> This is certainly what happened to Susan Woods, a 30-year-old marketing executive from Jersey.
> 
> Deeply unhappy in her live-in relationship of three years, she found her head was turned by the obvious flirting when she started gym sessions with her personal trainer, David.
> 
> 'It was obvious he was a real ladies' man and the more I saw him, the more the flirting escalated,' she says. HE WAS extremely tactile.
> 
> Whenever he helped me use a new piece of equipment or do a new exercise, we would touch and I'd feel a spark between us.
> 
> 'Sometimes, he would just pat my shoulder or arm but at other times he'd put his hand on my stomach to check I was working my muscles properly or put nearly all his body weight on me to help me stretch, which felt incredibly sexy.
> 
> 'I had been confiding in him from the beginning about the rows with my boyfriend. At first, it was just like having a male friend to confide in. But then one day, a couple of months after we met, I broke down in tears in the gym after another row with my partner.
> 
> 'David took me by the hand, led me into another room, closed the door and kissed me full on the lips as I leant against the wall. It was late in the evening and no one else was around.
> 
> 'I was shocked when it happened - so much so, that I couldn't speak. He smiled and suggested that we finish the workout.
> 
> It was surreal, but I wanted more. I felt terrible that I had kissed another man after all, I had never been unfaithful to my boyfriend before.
> 
> But I couldn't stop thinking about David.
> 
> 'The next time I saw him was by coincidence.
> 
> The following day, I was walking back from work and he passed by on his bike. He stopped and asked if I wanted to go back to his place. I said 'Yes' - and that's when our four-month affair began.
> 
> 'While I was seeing David in secret at his flat, I didn't want sex with my boyfriend but he never even questioned it or asked if there was anything the matter.
> 
> 'This reinforced my decision to have an affair. If my boyfriend didn't care about me, then why shouldn't I find solace with someone else?
> 
> 'I knew my relationship with David would never go anywhere because I was just another conquest to him.
> 
> 'I suspected he was having other affairs while he was seeing me - he often used to go outside to speak on his mobile phone and was always flirting with other women in the gym. I never asked him because I didn't need to.
> 
> 'Looking back, our relationship was based purely on sex. He was passionate in bed and taught me things I had only ever read about. Eventually, I was the one to end things when I moved to Kent to take up a new job.
> 
> 'Seeing David made me realise that my relationship with my boyfriend was all wrong - so I left him.
> 
> 'I ended my relationship with David around the same time because I wanted a clean start. He wasn't upset when we split up: he wished me luck and accepted I had to move on. THE AFFAIR served its purpose and I eventually went on to meet someone who was not a ladies' man. I don't think all personal trainers are womanisers, though it would be easy to fall for one because most are charming and you spend so much time with them.
> 
> 'I wasn't the first client David had an affair with and I'm sure I won't be the last.' But relationships with personal trainers don't have to be sordid affairs. Fleur Rhiannon, 23, who is single and a personal assistant for an actor's agency in Kensington, West London, dated her gym instructor for nine months.
> 
> She hired her trainer, Paul, to help her shed a stone in weight. But a feeling of closeness and camaraderie soon developed and they became friends outside the gym. One night, eight months after the training sessions began, they went for a drink in a bar together.
> 
> 'Trainers have a really bad reputation. I know a few people who have had a fling with theirs,' says Fleur. 'So I assumed Paul would have women falling at his feet and had no intention of being another conquest. But that drink was the start of a relationship that proved me wrong.
> 
> 'Even though we were dating, while we worked out at the gym he was totally professional and treated me like any other client.
> 
> 'One of the attractions was the physical element of our training together and the accidental physical contact.
> 
> 'I was worried that after spending the day with beautiful bodies, he'd come home and find fault in mine. But he never did. He wouldn't even pass a comment if we went out for dinner and I ate fatty foods.
> 
> 'At the beginning of the affair, I asked him if he'd had a relationship with a client before, but he said I was the first. I still believe him.
> 
> 'He was friendly with the women he trained and I can see how easy it would be to misconstrue this for something more. I felt jealous of the more attractive ones he worked with. But I felt sorry for the women who made themselves embarrassingly available to him because they must have been lonely and misguided.
> 
> 'We split up after nine months because the relationship had run its course. I would never put anyone off going out with a personal trainer, but it isn't the easiest relationship to have. The temptation for many gym instructors is too great.' Of course, not all personal trainers take advantage of the situation. Kristoph Thompson, a 23-year-old gym instructor from Eastbourne, East Sussex, has faced women with a crush many times and has learned strategies to deal with it.
> 
> 'Almost all of my clients are women and about 75 per cent of them flirt with me. If a woman approaches me, I make it very clear that although I'm flattered, I don't mix business with pleasure,' he says.
> 
> 'I think it would be unprofessional but I know a lot of trainers who don't think that and are more than happy to take advantage.
> 
> But they're the ones who give this profession a bad name.'
> 
> Story from REDORBIT NEWS:
> The VERY PERSONAL Trainers; More Women Are Having Affairs With Their Fitness Gurus - Health News - redOrbit
> 
> Published: 2005/01/31 18:00:00 CST
> 
> © RedOrbit 2005


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## Halien

BigBadWolf said:


> I spend much time in gyms in "real life", and in several gym and power lifting forums online, have for many many years.
> 
> Personal trainers, married women, flirtation, one night stands and full blown affairs, happens ALL THE TIME.
> 
> My advice to any man on this forum, do not shut a blind eye to a male personal trainer spending much time with their wife.
> 
> And TheRealBrightEyes example is good to see, having a trainer for both you and your husband, is at least the proper structure to work as a couple.
> 
> It is the same with any different gender relatoinships between a man and a woman, treat them the same.


I've been around the gym scene since the early eighties. There's one significant factor that many are not thinking about. Yes, I'll admit there are unprofessional trainers, but its helpful to look at what drives many men and women to the gym after a long absence in the first place. You see it all the time; the person in their thirties or forties who is unhappy with their stale life, and they want to reshape their self-image. They want to take charge of their life. Some are even ready for a way out, hence the weight loss.

Years ago, when my work schedule was really hectic, I just built my own gym. My wife gets a membership to a club as part of her job, so she'll usually go there when she's trying to get back into shape after laying off for a while. I usually meet her trainer each time. The professional ones don't seem to mind that.


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## Entropy3000

BigBadWolf said:


> Older news story from 2005, but very relevant to this discussion.
> 
> The VERY PERSONAL Trainers; More Women Are Having Affairs With Their Fitness Gurus - Health News - redOrbit


So with one of them they at least had a chance to have the best sex of their lives while hubby was working so hard. He should not have been so selfish and neglected her. He was a boring old dude anyway. You think hubby ever knew?

Another realized she was missing out and ended up dumping her boy friend. So the affair was a win-win. "Looking back, our relationship was based purely on sex. He was passionate in bed and taught me things I had only ever read about."

I think any husband that would even think twice about this is insecure and controlling. I know these women were hand picked for the article but they put up a heck of a resistance.

So then we have the personal trainer who wants to game married women in particular by adding PUA to his game. I think they pretty much have on the job training with this anyway.

#1 PUA Forum :: Gaming married women


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