# You aren't my type of woman



## Madbunny (Aug 9, 2011)

hello been a lurker in here... I am 40 yrs old and my husband is 42
he is the old school type where a woman is supposed to cook and clean sort of guy.Well I never really liked cooking but I do it and i clean the house like 3 times per week,I work Tues 6 hrs, thu-saturday all day 8 hrs and 10 or better on Sat.

I have a hard time wanting to stand in the kitchen chopping and cooking for long periods(makes me anxious) The other day he planned this meal which involved stewing partridge in the crock,then you take the birds apart and put them into a casserole.He told me to get them in the crock and he would help do the rest.So i do this ,worked came home and we were sitting there and i said," its almost 6 what should we do with the birds?"
He says ,"well go ahead and strip them ". He tells me he is busy.I say well ok what to do with the rest he shoves the cookbook at me and says there is the directions.I say nothing ,but i am mad as he wanted this said he was going to help and now its all on me and it involves chopping sautee'ing and putting together.
I do all of this .He gets in at 8:40 its done and I say thanks for the help.His reply is cooking is a woman's job. and goes on to say gee how hard is it to put a casserole together!It would have been ok if i had known I was doing all of this or I had planned better ahead.

He says I am just mad cause i had to do my job.I actually think he did it on purpose. He has known since he met me i hate cooking no secret.So he goes on to say if i asked you to make breaded steak or something that was not easy you would b*tch
I reply i would do it but not be happy and singing a song.To this he replies"you aren't my kind of woman".I ask what does that mean... he just says this is stuff I am filing away and walks out.

This from a man who never takes me out says gee the house looks nice,but will complain if it looks bad,downplay's my job like oh wow you work like4 days per week,compares me to his friend's wives his mother, my sister and anyone else who he can think of.
My oil was in my car for 12,000 miles i asked him for 6 mos he said buy the stuff so i did and it sat there til i told him he will buy me a new car if it blows up, or i will take it to jiffy lube he said no they will strip my plug.. so he finally does it 3 days ago.. then like 1 hr later says "thanks for changing my oil" all sarcastic like.. So I say thanks but I felt like slapping him( im bad i know). Sorry for the long winded rant I just wonder if he is a tad selfish and wonder if I wanna be here in 30 yrs


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I would quit cooking forever for an unappreciative man like that. 

If he's so 'old school' and believes that cooking is the woman's job, then you should counter that bringing home the bacon is a man's job, and henceforth you will gladly quit your job so that he can do just that, and if he balked I would tell him that he's not the kind of man I want and I would be "filling it away". 

He does sound selfish, and a bit mean (like emotionally abusive) to boot.

How long married? Do you have kids? Does he do ANYTHING for you at all? Has he ever?


----------



## Madbunny (Aug 9, 2011)

Thanks for the reply Enchantment  I would never be able to quit my job , as he would complain that he has to slave to pay everything. Its bad enough he says I don't contribute enough. In answer to your question ,we don't have kids .. and i have mixed emotions kinda glad, but if you read my other posts very long also tried and failed ..miserably some of which ruined our relationship and i hold alot of hostility towards him for.He works that is his contribution to us he bbq's if he wants that bc i am a fail at bbq and it would be on fire so he says .He is not a terrible guy never physically abusive just likes to put me down.. gets old


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think constantly putting someone down constitutes a type of emotional abuse. It makes you feel bad, yes?

Do you ever try and deflect those put downs? Perhaps humorously?

So, for example:

HIM: "I'm doing the BBQ tonite. You stink at it, and I don't feel like eating burnt steak."

YOU: "I give you permission forewith and forever to BBQ to your heart's content. I'm going to go <insert something you want to do - take a bath, do your nails, call a friend>. Thanks."

Smile and walk away. Be calm, confident, a little aloof and upbeat - like what he says just doesn't matter one whit - and it doesn't if all it consists of is put-downs.

I don't know - just don't let him continue to walk all over you with words. I would be pondering ways to deflect those words right back right at him - and do it in a calm, confident, upbeat kind of way. The same way it's recommended that men deflect "fitness tests" from crabby wives. 

And, ultimately, only you can decide whether he and your marriage is worth fighting. But know this - you ARE worthy of being loved, you ARE NOT worthless, you have GREAT VALUE. If he can't figure that out, well, then I guess it's his loss and I would "file that information away". 

God Bless.


----------

