# Thoughts that stray



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I am curious if many other married men have feelings or crushes on women that they know. Friends, coworkers, etc. I have never had an affair, and don't see that happening, but I have had the occasional crush on another woman while being married.


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## randomperson (Jul 13, 2010)

I have had thoughts about other women, but only sexual thoughts, never emotional. They didn't start until my relationship with my soon to be ex-wife started going bad. When we were both happy they never once crept into my mind. I'm not a therapist, counselor, or otherwise qualified to give any professional advice, so I will just give my opinion. If you find yourself being attracted emotionally to another woman, there may be some underlying unhappiness that you are not quite aware of yet. In the small amount of experience I do have, I haven't seen many men who are happy in their marriages stray on that level.

What is it that attracts you to the women? The thought of what things could be like with them in a relationship, having sex with them, or them fulfilling something that your wife doesn't currently fulfill? You should ask yourself questions about why the attraction exists in the first place, maybe you will get the answer you are looking for. Good luck.


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## MyDog8em (Apr 5, 2010)

gbrad said:


> I am curious if many other married men have feelings or crushes on women that they know. Friends, coworkers, etc. I have never had an affair, and don't see that happening, but I have had the occasional crush on another woman while being married.


I have never had a crush or desire to be with another woman during my entire 9 years of marriage.


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## Chet8625 (Jul 13, 2010)

During some of the tougher times in my marriage I did develop "crushes" on female friends.

Part of it was sexual attraction, some of it was they were willing to listen to my problems (and I listened to theirs).

One came very close to becoming physical but I walked away from that relationship before that happened. But it is very easy to go from a crush to an affair if both people are unhappy with their current relationship.


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

Gotta say I agree with reposnses to date. A certain amount of attraction - usually sexual attraction - seems pretty common in men and is probably not harmful so long as it doesn't develop or become some big secret in your relationship.

Emotional attraction IS another matter, and is a danger to a relationship. 

In my experience, I've passed through short (mostly sexual) crushes on female coworkers and friends; usually they are harmless, are a bit of fantasy for a while then burn out quickly and the mind wanders on. Taking a critical look back at myself and my life as my marriage flounders, I've admitted to myself that one of these was becoming emotional, and might have caused a very serious problem had it remained. Now, how do I disclose this to the wife.......?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

sexual thoughts yes, but i wouldnt act on them unless divorced


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I would say that the thoughts are both sexual and emotional. I agree with what Chet said about listening to each others problems. 
I highly doubt anything would ever be acted on from either side, but I do fantasize about being with her sexually.

As for the underlying unhappiness, that I am well aware of.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Never ever emotional!! Wife and I talk 10x a day are practically intertwined emotionally.

Physically I don't think any man hasn't!!


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## stoomey74 (Sep 20, 2009)

I agree I think ever man has a physical wish. It is part of our DNA. We are meant to spread our seed to advance the population.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Sexual curiosity I think is normal, and I agree it is easy to turn a crush into something more if neither party puts a brake on it, it is even more likely to develop beyond just 'feelings' if a marriage is rocky IMO.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

gbrad said:


> I am curious if many other married men have feelings or crushes on women that they know. Friends, coworkers, etc. I have never had an affair, and don't see that happening, but I have had the occasional crush on another woman while being married.


Surely that's all part of being human and a man. For me it's not about how we feel about someone it's about what we do with those feelings. And what we do about our feelings, how we behave, is based on our core values and beliefs.

Sure those values and beliefs can get seriously tested when our marriage is going through a tough time. But acting on our feelings for another woman obviously isn't going to make our marriage better.

But apparently some look to start a relationship with another man or woman as a means to exit their failing marriage and have someone to "be with" when it's finally time to split. I think my wife was doing that. But the other guy went back to his partner.

Bob


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