# False accusations of DV and abuse of 7 years



## babsam (Jun 23, 2012)

Hi, I am 31 years old Dad of two lovely children, daughter is 2Y 4 months, son is 10 Months Old. Been married to my wife (26 Years old) for almost 7 years. 
I need help and advice to move forward best way possible to get the custody of my children.

I was arrested in May 06 first time for Domestic violence. My wife was 1 month pregnant, she for some reason changed after marriage and hated me. on that day she pushed me off the bed when i wanted some rest and she called police. police didnt find any evidence of violence so i was not taken to custody, nor given any warning. but my wife left as she stated she dont feel safe with me. she took all our money and when she was collecting all her stuff i wasnt even allowed in the room, i was left without any money. needless to say she came back 2 days later and apologised for everything. 
2 months later i was arrested again for Domestic violence, i was taken to police station, but was released on bail after a few hours after giving my statement to police. but on condition to not contact my wife until the investigation was on. during this time my wife had an abortion done, she contacted me and asked me to come to hospital during abortion. she knew i was not allowed near her, could not even contact her. but yet i went to police for permission to stop her from abortion as she was angry and she was doing it in her hatred towards me but i knew she will be regretting her life for this and i will be the one to be blamed for life. but obviously i was not allowed to do anything. after investigations i was released free of charges again as lack of evidence. 
a week later i was accused of stealing money from her account. hence got arrested again. my bank account were frozen and no access to my own money. but again after investigations and my evidence provided that no theft took place and it was neither my nor her money, it was our employees wages which i had to pay up before closing the business.
then we split up for three months and after three months all her money finished, no support from her family at all. she came back to me but she had her ego and kept blaming me for her situation. anyways we got back again. But this time we decided to stay away from that city where we had her family interfering alot and making her confuse and try to break us up. so we moved to india (i am from india and she is british). stayed in india for 4 months, but she didnt like it there so we had to move back to uk, but this time we moved to a different city, we both got jobs and worked hard, life was going smooth. but she had a few friends at her work who she started going out with late nights, going clubbing wearing mini skirts, not spending time at home and one day she brought a few boys home. locked me inside the room and spent whole night with them, drinking smoking and dancing. i was too scared to even say a word. then we split up for 2 months. 
after a few months we changed city again because of these so called "boyfriends" would not leave her alone. and i also had lost my jobs because of unstability in my circumstances due to the family problems. 
she used to get very violent, very abusive and at this time i read on internet about male victims of Dom. vio. but there was not much help for men and i was feeling too embarrassed to talk to anybody about it. i even went to police station where the officer didnt help much other than saying that do u want me log this in for you. and that was it. they didnt contact me again ever after that about any support or advice or help. 
she used to lock me in the house for days so i could not go to work, and i f try to leave then used to hit me and try to provoke me to get in fight with her so she could call the police. i was too trapped to even think of anything. But what i started to do was i started recording everything at home to save me from police trouble and any false allegations in future, I also used to take pictures of any injuries i had from the violence. One of it has my nose bleeding and i have blood on my chest. sometime she never let me enter in home for days and i had to sleep outside / workplace without any money. somehow i told my boss about situation. he came home and tried talking to my wife and he had to remove the locks from our main door when it happened again. 
this all went on for years and i had so many recordings but then our daughter was born and i was so happy, we had a good few weeks. in those weeks i felt a bit ashamed in keeping those recordings so one day i was so stupid that i deleted them. but somehow some of them were saved in my camera's memory card. in which there is one recording which it is clear that she was drunk and had a hammer in her hand and i have locked myself in my office at my workplace in night time. she keeps trying to break the door to get me and keep using abusive and insulting language towards me, my sister so i get angry and open the door so she can hit me. it went on for hours. untill she was tired and fell asleep 5 am in morning. 
now couple of months back she again called police but this time there were our two children prsent and police took me in custody, i kept requesting them to listen to me but despite listening anything they asked me to either go to bed or be arrested, i even said to them if i go to bed she will call police again and i will be in trouble i requested them to save me. but they called me "****ing Pathetic" "****ing stupid" and hit me and took me in custody and put in cell for several hours where i had to agree that i wont do anything or will be arrested again if police called again and will be sent to court. I had my recorder on during whole of this time in which if you study it properly you will see that i have not done anything wrong and my wife called police as a false accusation and police behaved like trained legal thugs. in recording it is clear that violent people are my wife and two police officers and victims are me and my children.
after this i totally lost my confidence and just went into depression and really could not think of anything, I am normally a very patient man, have a sound mind and educated and intelligent. but this incident took away all that from me. My wife also fed me purposely some sort of expired food / poisoned food. i fell ill, had vomiting, diarrhea and she accepted it in the same recording.
I was living in a great fear of loosing my children. I told my boss everything again and told him that i cannot work because i am totally emotionally upset, always worried and cannot concentrate. he is very understanding and asked me if i need any help and even offered me that when i feel better i can come back and join again.
my wife pressurised me to go back to work again and also promised me to not do anything wrong again and agreed to give me custody of my children for 6 months each year.this made me very relieved. And i hoped once again for a fresh start but it didnt continue for long. 5 days later we were back to normal and i was being controlled again. 
but this time as per my boss's advice i went to see our health visitor and explained her everything. she arranged a meeting with her and me together. my wife went mad when she found out i had gone and spoke to health visitor and tried to make me feel guilty and said that she can loose children and social care can take children away so i have done something very wrong. 
but behind my back she was talking to health visitor and domestic violence unit and family support worker and telling them different stories. bout 4 days ago she left me and children and took all her belongings. i went after her, tried to bring her back but she said they r my children, my problem and kept walking, then she went into a street where my car could nt go. i kept looking for her, but i couldnt find her. i told my boss about the situation and he advised me to come to his home and then asked me to ring police straight away before she rings police and say some different story or even if she does something stupid. 
Few hours later she came back home, but i was still at my boss's home, it was 1am in night. she asked me come home and asked me to bring children back i told her where i was and explained that i am looking after children, they hav eaten and asleep. i will come back in morning when things will calm down. 
in morning when i got home, she told me that she has called police and told them that i have ran away with my children. so tried to put me in trouble again. but as i had called police already so i was safe this time. and first time i was happy for police to come to my home.
i told health visitor the whole story next morning. she advised me to go to GP about my wife mental health and so she has informed social care, and there is a meeting now tomorrow for CAF meeting / Assessment. I made the appointment about my wife, my wife found out somehow about the appointment and went to GP herself and cancelled that appointment as it was about her so doctor had to listen to her first and asked me to make another appointment for next week. things are totally out of control, everything is in air, dont know what to expect next minute.
as per health visitor i have informed police about incidents of past domestic violence and false allegations. so they logged everything in and forward me a male victim helpline for Dom. Violence.
Now if somebody has actually read a long post and is willing to help, i would like to thanks from bottom of my heart and appreciate ur time and help.
I would like to know :
what to expect in this CAF meeting.
i would like to move out and file for divorce
what are the chances of me having custody of children and my wife having supervised contact with the children if she wishes.
what is best way forward for me.

I ahd another thread a few eeks ago which can be read at following link.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...divorce-but-thought-children-stopping-me.html


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