# Husband Goes on Trips without me



## mrsalone (Apr 5, 2009)

Hello All - 

I am very frustrated with my new husband (6 months). He loves to hunt & fish which is fine with me but he goes for 3 & 4 days at a time 4-6 times a year. He never offers to take me with him & he does not even clear it with me first. He just says I am going fishing Thursday & I will be back Sunday. This week he decided to go to a mutual friends (6 hours away) to go fishing & I said I want to go he told me flat out NO. He plans all his vacation time & time off to go & do these things. He never takes me anywhere, or asks me to do anything. When I say lets go on a date he tells me he does not have any money. He also is only home every other day for about 12 hours (because of his job). He never takes time off to spend with me nor does he do anything to let me know I am appreciated. We came home from our honeymoon & the next day he took off for 4 days fishing. I am just stewing waiting for him to get home thniking I need to put my foot down & tell him 2 trips a year is more than enough & that he also needs to invest some time in this relationship. Am I being to dramatic?

Thanks!!!!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

im fraid you dont have a very good basis for a happy married life.
if he was like this b 4 getin married, im only sorry u didnt notice then.
because he wont change.
you wil be a very lonely wife and a lonely marriage.
your not being dramatic. your being realistic to your marriage and its future.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

it'll be hard to put your foot down if this is how he's always been. I can understand your frustration and loneliness, though. Telling him that he can only go on two fishing trips a year will come off as controlling to him, i think. so be careful how you approach him. If he does stop doing what he loves, he just might get depressed and resentful towards you. so even though he's home, he will be angry with you. its a hard situation. 

instead of coming off as demanding, try to compromise with him. it sounds like you already have and he isnt really listening. you'll have to start doing things on your own, as much as that hurts. but maybe if you arent around when he's home, he'll start to understand that he's going to lose you if he keeps it up.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I've got more questions for you. Did he behave like this before you were married? Does he ever bring fish home? How long did you date before getting married? Sorry for all questions, but I see red flags. I would definitely have a PI on him or one of those GPS tracking devices on his vehicle. That just doesn't seem right for someone who has only been married 6 months. When my husband began taking all of his trips alone, he really wasn't going alone--he was taking one of the girl friends. Hope this isn't what is going on in your case......


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I had a co-worker whose husband was like this, they got divorced. He spent no time with the wife and daughter.

tell him he has three options, to go hunting fishing 3 times a year and vacation with you 3 times, 

Or take you on these trips

or file for divorce.

Sorry you did not see this comming


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## Alecram (Apr 3, 2009)

I agree with the others. You are not being dramatic and are only asking what's fair within the confines of a marriage; to spend time with the person you married. 

He's a married man now and can't expect to keep living the bachelor life by taking off with his buddies whenever he feels like it and leaving you alone for days at a time...what the hell did he get married for? Furthermore, the "no money" excuse is bs because you don't need any money to spend time with someone. If I were in your position, I would put my foot down and give him some ultimatums.

Life's too short and precious to wait around for someone to decide whether they want to spend time with you or not. That's my take.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

I'm so sorry you're having to go through something like this so early on in your marriage. or at all.

Sounds like the makings of a pretty lonely time. To have a hobby is one thing, but to totally ignore the fact that he's got a wife, and that you two need to spend time with one another, that's a totally different thing.

I think you're not being dramatic at all. I think putting your foot down, is probably a good idea. He even told you no when you asked him if you could accompany him on a trip. that was mean.

Well, I think talking tohim about it is the very first step.
If he is planning on continuing this treatment of you, and doesn't see the error of this. Then you'll have to really consider whether this is someone you can live with forever. If not, then get out while there are no kids. 

No one deserves to be ignored and brushed aside all the time by their spouse. I am sorry you're experiencing this. 

Update us if you can...


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

I agree with the PI suggestion. Just to rule out the possibility that he's not really fishing or fishing with a girlfriend.

If that clears, then I would tell him that, while you appreciate his enjoyment of his trips with his buddies, you expect him to put the same amount of investment in you. He should also discuss with you the timing of trips as he has another person's plans and schedule to care about now (the other person is you). Tell him to plan two trips for the two of you to take in the next x period of time (or to give you dates that he will take from work and you will plan them). If he says no, that gives you lots of information about his ability to consider your feelings, to compromise, to be a partner, and in general to give a crap about you and fostering his marriage.

If he doesn't compromise about the trips somehow (you might not get all you want, but you will see him make satisfactory effort ... you can make some effort too if there's something you can do to make your company more pleasant to him) ... anyway, if he doesn't compromise at all, then you can 1) accept it and rather than be lonely, take your own trips with your girlfriends, or 2) leave him. Or ask him to come to counseling with you to work it out.

The only problem with option number 1 above is that it's a short-term solution and a bandaid. Not to mention that if you plan to have kids with this guy, once you have kids, you'll be stranded at home with the kids while he's off living his life.

So ... as a final piece of advice ... DO NOT have kids with him until this is resolved. Again ... do not have kids with him until this issue is resolved.


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