# Husband and best friend are physical



## jordan2011 (Jul 1, 2011)

Dear people,

I need your advice please. I have 2 beautiful twin girls, who are 1 year old now, and a wonderful husband. He works in his own business and I am a full time student studying–neither of us are home often or together because of our busy schedules. I got married at 16 and divorced by 17. Yes, I married young. That guy was cheating on me and when I confronted him, he was so angry and became so abusive. I don’t want this to happen again with my new marriage because we are so happy together. Here is why I wrote because some thing similar is happening to me. My husband and me hired one of my best friends who has become a even more a very good friend to me–she looks after our little girls and lives with us. She is 19. We are Muslim. 

They began to get close physically, she is after all very beautiful. I just pretending nothing was happeing when they were in her room or in the basement. I just wanted him to be happy.
But she becaome pregnant and I was the only friend she could turn to. It was my husband's baby. I took her to get the abortion. I regret it now because we helped kill a life 

He does not know she was pregnant and she never wants him to know. 
I have learned to accept him and love him no matter what. As long as he is not hurting me or anyone else. And he is not. He is such a good man. She is so concerned about her baby and her family and of me of afriad of me being mad at her begged me to stay because she needed the money and supports her family with it too, they are old and need her help so I let her stay. I promised her I would not send her back.. She said she would please us and do anything for us. She is very sweet. I do feel weird about her and my husband. 

I don’t want to lose him and want him to be happy too, she is just a young girl and he may just have a weakness for girls like her. It seems harmless–she is a virgin. I am afraid to confront him. You see my mother told me that she had to put up with my father for our sake and because she valued her family more than sex.

My mother told me that if the girl is a virgin, and she is, I should not worry about STDs or anything else. I should just be a good wife like she was and leave him alone otherwise this husband will leave me too. Mom says he is a good man who comes from a good family, he supports me, i only have a high school degree with some modeling experience.

What if I just let him alone? Allah commanded us girls to submit to our husbands. My mom said the prophet had many wives and slave girls. His wives needed to accept that, and she did with my father and i should too.


I dont know what to do about her, and him. I just want us to be happy. Please advise,


What harm would it do to keep ignoring it?

I am dependent on him for my support and for my girls too.

Please reply to

[email protected]


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Your husband is not a good man if he would take advantage of vulnerable young girls who are supposed to be working for you. He is not a good man if he was cheating on you.

I feel very sorry for this girl and for you. She needs you to help her find a new job somewhere away from your husband.

Your husband needs to be told that his behaviour is not acceptable and that he should be seeking to have intimacy needs met by you. 

If he cannot commit to you 100% then he is not behaving like a husband should and he is not valuing you or your little girls.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Im virtually speechless. I dont know what to say and I dont want to insult you, your religous beliefs or your culture.

I'm sorry I dont have much more to offer other than my sympathy. You are a human being and you are being betrayed. How you handle this and the things that you weigh when making your decisions are completely foreign to me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Their actions resulted in the murder of an innocent baby and it threatens your marriage and the future of your two innocent children . How can their adultary be considered "harmless"? I do realize that Islam can allow multiple wives, but these two aren't married. Their relationship was sexual and deliberately kept secret. If this woman were sent back home and it became public knowledge that she had engaged in sex with your husband, would she not suffer some ill consequences? 
If their relationship was harmless, why the abortion and why did the pregnancy have to be kept secret from the child's father? As far as your husband having a "weakness" for girl's like her, the world is full of girls like her. Any healthy adult is tempted sexually. Those unwilling or unable to resist this temptation don't need to be married. 
I'm no expert on Islamic law, but it's my understanding that the conduct you have described gets people executed in several Islamic countries. This woman is not his slave and she is not his wife. Again, I am no expert on Islam, but how could your husband argue that his conduct with this woman was pleasing to Allah?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My heart goes out to you. Because you dont' know your worth as a woman. You think that turning a blind eye is going to resolve this.

That girl is not a "virgin." She works in your home, f-cked your hussband and got pregnant by him too. You rhusband impregnanted your employee! In your own home! 

This would b etoo much for me.

It's up to you whether you stay but seriously... I couldn't. No way in hell. It's bad enough he cheated but in your OWN home with the person you TRUST to help you care for your children. Ugh. No. It sounds like the Arnold Schwarzenager story. 

As for STDS--how do you know she was a virgin before your husband??? You have no clue about this chick. If she will sleep with a married man in his marital home, that says everything about her. 

Get tested. And send her packing. Why would you want someone in your house who betrayed you like that??? Either of them!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Because she is a Muslim in a Muslim country, JB-the OW would be stoned to death, the hubby would get away with it, and the wife had better like it or else.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well I do see the part that she said she is Muslim but not about living in a Muslim country.

Anyway I wish the OP luck. You will never be happy w/ him in this situation. Also, that girl is not your "best friend." Best friends don't f-ck their friends' husbands and get pregnant.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Your in AMerica and our laws are very different here than in your home country. I realize your religion permits this for the man but our laws do not. It is also not morally acceptable in this country. You have to follow your religion. I know Muslim men are not chastised for this type of behavior. I do think you need to protect yourslef. Find her another job and place to live. Separate them. Is he still going after her and is she accepting?


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## Kricket (May 10, 2011)

Your post makes me sad. You have been taught that this behavior is acceptable and have been advised by your own mother to support it. This emphasis on the girl being a virgin is silly. She went from being a virgin to experiencing an abortion that she may not have wanted had she not been afraid of your husband. 

Most women on this forum would have already filed the divorce papers, but yet you justify it and still call your husband a good man. Please define what is a good man? A paycheck? I am sorry, but you will not find anyone here that thinks a husband who cheats on his wife right in her own house (sounds like you were just in the next room) is a good man by any stretch. Religious reasons or not, he does not have any respect for you whatsoever.

On the other hand, if you are afraid for your or the girl's safety, then I can understand how you feel you need to justify your reaction to his behavior to keep everyone safe. It is not the right thing to do, but many women will result to acceptance because they are afraid to deal with the situation. 

Whatever your reason, this is not a healthy relationship for you, your kids, or your new friend. What happens when she gets pregnant again or when he finds another one that you don't know about?

This is obvioulsy bothering your conscious or you wouldn't have come on here. You know in your heart that it isn't right.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I'm also curious, how can you have posted this and your profile still lists zero posts? You obviously have at least one. 

Certainly not repying to that e-mail address as requested. Perhaps calling shenanigans is in order here? Ok, I will... Shenanigans. Something doesn't smell right.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> I'm also curious, how can you have posted this and your profile still lists zero posts? You obviously have at least one.
> 
> Certainly not repying to that e-mail address as requested. Perhaps calling shenanigans is in order here? Ok, I will... Shenanigans. Something doesn't smell right.


Yeah smells fishy to me to. 

AND she is her "best friend", then she is her baby sitter?

Then she is a virgin, but she had sex and had an abortion?


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

I would suggest you go to website called beyondaffairs.com Click on the seminars tab and then the teleseminars tab and browse the list and listen to as many as you can. Lot's of really good healing information there and also suggestions for working with your WS. As can be expected, the push their services a lot but there is a a lot great info there. I listen to them in my car using my iphone connected to the car. There are also BAN network meetings shown on the home page for a lot of cities that are free and the teleseminars are free to attend if you register. Please check them out and let us know what think.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Depending on where you live you may be stuck. If you're in a culturally "different" society you may have no options. If you're in a western society you have options. It also depends on what "kind" of Muslims you are. A good Muslim man does not sneak behind his wifes back and impregnate another woman...yikes.

Just for the record your husband is not a good man.


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## amillionpieces85 (Jul 23, 2011)

I am beyond speechless. I am a female muslim/arab myself and everything you're saying is completely foreign to ME. Society has such a wrong perspective on Islam, even more on the right of Muslim women, and GOSH darn it, you are giving them every right to view Islam as the worst religion out there. But, that's besides the point ...

I honestly dont understand your mentality, it's almost as though you are praising these 2 ppl for what they are doing. She's "your best friend", he's "not a bad man", and you my darling, are one wounded girl. You say you just want him to be happy, and that you "love him" and are happy with him just as long as he is not hurting you. If this is the "happiness" you seek then so be it, but my honest opinion, you need to get your head outta your @$$, wake up, and IF you really do love this man, fight for him and for what you to have/had. To hell with the "best friend" and no offense, but to hell with your mom's preaches as well. Allah did not demand any of us Muslim women to be slaves to our husbands if there was cheating involved. As a matter of fact, no religion values women like Islam does. You have every right to demand a divorce and leave this loser. 

As for your last question on "what harm it would do to ignore this situation", your mother should have already told you, that in Islam, the one that turns his back on wrongful actions, is a only a mute devil himself. 

I pray things get easier for you, may Allah be with you through this tough time, may He guide you on the right path, and make things easier and clearer for you to see.

Sometimes the right move isn't the easiest, sometimes we dont want to start all over. Sometimes it sucks to know your world has come crashing down on you and you have to start off from the beginning once again, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Be strong, have a mind of you own, dont let anyone feed you garbage, do not be oppressed, know what YOU want, and go after it. That is the only time you will ever truly live. 

Best of luck!


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

So amillion yuo are Muslim. Are you from Iraq,Iran or one of the countries where what she describes happens all the time? How many wives does your husband have?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

8yearscheating said:


> So amillion yuo are Muslim. Are you from Iraq,Iran or one of the countries where what she describes happens all the time? How many wives does your husband have?


wow, this is incredibly disrespectful or at the very least ignorant


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## sam83 (Jul 23, 2011)

unbelievable post I can't believe anything out of it I'm Arabian Muslim myself from Egypt have lots of friends at Jordan and I can tell this is only happening (if it is) because u r letting it and there is no mother whatever will tell her daughter to let husband fu** as he likes and having a mistress is against Islam so please don't tell us u leave ur husband committing adultery cause u obey Allah while any sexual action outside marriage is forbidden in the Islamic religion so don't throw ur weakness on the religion please


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

I'm from Jordan and this post is just a scam

its funny she involved Allah and prophet in her personal conflict. 

the whole story is made up. come on
Because she love her husband and her friend she let her stay. come on.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

It's reality in some countries. You can't say all Muslims are like that or are not like that. That is not true. A vast majority are not like that. Just like radical muslims. Some are some are not. But they do exist.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

It's no different than a hellfire and brimstone minister or a Priest that molests little boys or is into child porn. There are all kinds and it is not limited to Muslims.


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## sam83 (Jul 23, 2011)

8yearscheating said:


> So amillion yuo are Muslim. Are you from Iraq,Iran or one of the countries where what she describes happens all the time? How many wives does your husband have?


and how u came to know this happened all the time may I ask ???

most of men in Arabian countries now marry only one woman those who marry more than one (up to 4 is the limit) are not that much and they re not doing wrong as it's OK in the law books but he should be capable of talking care of more than one family which is not that easy now as before


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## sam83 (Jul 23, 2011)

8yearscheating said:


> It's reality in some countries. You can't say all Muslims are like that or are not like that. That is not true. A vast majority are not like that. Just like radical muslims. Some are some are not. But they do exist.


right now we have women right organizations tell women what to accept and what not the women themselves now re more educated and know much of life than before if this post was about her grandmother I should be OK with it but in 2011 no way whatever


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## amillionpieces85 (Jul 23, 2011)

8yearscheating,
I am an American/Arab/Muslim. I was born and raised in the U.S. Worked and lived there until I got married. Currently, I am living in Jordan. My husband is married to only me and I remain confident that he will continue to be married to only me. There are 6 million Muslims in Jordan. Close to all the men in this country, (whom are modernized and open minded) are married to only one wife and worship the grounds their wives walk on. Any other questions, I am more than willing to answer. I do understand that ppl out there have the wrong perspective on Islam and how Muslim women are treated, but I have to say, after living in the U.S. for 23 years, and seeing how American women are treated by men, then living here for ONLY 2 years, and seeing how Arab women are treated by their husbands, Arab women are definetely treated like royalty


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

I agree amillion for a majority of muslims. A lot of Americans have very low moral values and many do not treat women well. But like Christianity, there are Muslims who have this dirty secret - do you agree?


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## amillionpieces85 (Jul 23, 2011)

I agree with you 8yearscheating. It has nothing to do with the religion, it has everything to do with how the man is brought up and his definition of actually being a man. I am honestly surprised at this girl's story. You dont see this type of mentality these days, not anywhere here in Jordan atleast. Ppl have this idea that Jordan is this desert, men on camels, women in kitchens, unmodernized kind of place. BUT, believe you me, I've had American friends come to visit me that have been astonished at the modernization in this country. I have had American female friends come up here, see the way women are treated by men, and have begged the Arab men here to marry them! This poor chic is being fed the wrong information. And shes like a wounded duckling. Twice. Shes too vulnerable to pick up and leave because she assumes the blame would be put on her now. She thinks her family will approach her with the mentality if one marriage failed, okay it was the guy we understand, why did another marriage fail? So shes sucking it up and accepting her destiny. As for me, I can never suck up any situation for anyone in this world. If I cannot be happy in my own home, with my soulmate, in my bed, to hell with the world. But, to each their own.


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## bangun (Oct 20, 2010)

8yearscheating said:


> I agree amillion for a majority of muslims. A lot of Americans have very low moral values and many do not treat women well. But like Christianity, there are Muslims who have this dirty secret - do you agree?


I agree with you, religion is a choice, members are not religion.(religion is not the same as religious members)


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

hmm... this poses several challenges. First I respect your religion though I am of a different faith. So I am afraid my advice would be based on those beliefs. 

So let me say this. It sounds like you believe your husband took advantage of a young woman who really needs her job? What do you think this says about his character? One the other hand it does sound like you really love him and aren't just putting up with him. So again this comes from my beliefs but I think you need to speak to him, tell him how you feel and how it hurt you, Does he care enough about your feelings? 

You must do what you feel is best for you. Your children will be fine, but you are a role model. So its important you ask yourself, do I want my girls growing up to marry someone who might do this to them and if so would I want them to stay or go? They will likely repeat the same pattern if you stay.


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## bangun (Oct 20, 2010)

jordan2011 said:


> Dear people,
> 
> What if I just let him alone? Allah commanded us girls to submit to our husbands. My mom said the prophet had many wives and slave girls. His wives needed to accept that, and she did with my father and i should too.
> 
> [email protected]


This Is not Islamic rules... 

The profet didnot had slave grils... but he had more than one wife. there is not slave in islam.

your husband is a ****...

gets your financial freedom. dont depend on him.


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## marital_discord (Jul 29, 2011)

going to be ill...


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