# 40 and wondering if I am being over dramatic.. that my wife forgot my bday



## Solonavi78

My wife forgot my birthday took her about a day to realized it.. 4 days later I got birthday gift from amazon "coffee cup" she ask me to pick a restaurant of my choice.. so i picked crappy Ruby Tuesday.. Its been about a month now.. so gotta be wrong for me to still hold this grudge.. If I bring this up.. I would be the one in the wrong and be the one to apologize.. 


yeah just my 40th birthday is all .. which i spent alone on.. 



fun times.


and no I never forgot her birthday.'


after reading through couple post.. man I must live in the freaking twilight zone.. I gotta deal with everything at home.. work, clean, and maintain the balance.... and all she does work , drink wine, watch her shows... btw .. I do believe binge watching is a problem.



I do believe I am at my breaking point.. I struggle everyday to make sure my ptsd " does not affect my family" prior military .. and it never will.





"gotta love the edit - anti dyslexia pill "


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## sunsetmist

Solonavi78 said:


> My wife forgot my birthday took her about a day to realized it.. 4 days later I got birthday gift from amazon "coffee cup" she ask me to pick a restaurant of my choice.. so i picked crappy Ruby Tuesday.. Its been about a month now.. so gotta be wrong for me to still hold this grudge.. I*f I bring this up.. I would be the one in the wrong and be the one to apologize..
> *
> 
> yeah just my 40th birthday is all .. *which i spent alone* on..
> 
> fun times.
> 
> 
> and no I never forgot her birthday.'
> 
> 
> after reading through couple post.. man I must live in the freaking twilight zone.. I gotta deal with everything at home.. work, clean, and maintain the balance.... and all she does work , drink wine, watch her shows... btw .. I do believe binge watching is a problem.
> 
> 
> *I do believe I am at my breaking point.*. I struggle everyday to make sure my ptsd " does not affect my family" prior military .. and it never will.
> 
> 
> "gotta love the edit - anti dyslexia pill "


Hate the edit....backwards or forwards.....Tease. Most important parts to me are bolded. (I arranged huge shindig for my EX's 40th and a few others too. Divorce was unrelated to 40th, etc, btw) So spending 40 alone is one thing and being unappreciated, feeling unloved, being at your breaking point is another.

What else is going on? Children?


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## Mr.Married

Solonavi78 said:


> after reading through couple post.. man I must live in the freaking twilight zone.. I gotta deal with everything at home..
> 
> my ptsd " does not affect my family" prior military .. and it never will.
> "


Sounds like your story is going to head in a familiar direction often seen here. Take the time to read some. It will be easier to digest knowing your not the only one.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE...MUCH RESPECT !!!!!


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## EleGirl

What did you do for your wife on her last birthday?

Do you have children?


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## 2ntnuf

Solonavi78 said:


> My wife forgot my birthday took her about a day to realized it.. 4 days later I got birthday gift from amazon "coffee cup" she ask me to pick a restaurant of my choice.. so i picked crappy Ruby Tuesday.. Its been about a month now.. so gotta be wrong for me to still hold this grudge.. If I bring this up.. I would be the one in the wrong and be the one to apologize..
> 
> 
> yeah just my 40th birthday is all .. which i spent alone on..
> 
> 
> 
> fun times.
> 
> 
> and no I never forgot her birthday.'
> 
> 
> after reading through couple post.. man I must live in the freaking twilight zone.. I gotta deal with everything at home.. work, clean, and maintain the balance.... and all she does work , drink wine, watch her shows... btw .. I do believe binge watching is a problem.
> 
> 
> 
> I do believe I am at my breaking point.. I struggle everyday to make sure my ptsd " does not affect my family" prior military .. and it never will.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "gotta love the edit - anti dyslexia pill "


I drive-by post, but if you are open to thoughts, whether on the mark or not, I see a Huge red flag. 

She does not show you love? She is mad and/or selfish, and/or she doesn't love you any more. 

Does she buy you gifts like clothes that are too large? Does she simply not care where you go and tend to act like something is on her mind when you are doing something together? Does she avoid spending much time with you? Has she stopped doing little things that make you smile or did she never do them?

These are important to consider, but they may only point to issues in her life, not infidelity. 

Is it a big deal that she "forgot"? Women don't forget these things. They choose what they will do, then do it, justifying their actions with emotional and some logical reasons along the way... even when they are faithful.

It is a big deal to you, obviously. It doesn't matter if we think it is or not. What matters is what she thinks of it, cause if she doesn't care about you, or is distracted by something more important to her, she will not care as much. 

Find out what priorities are more important to her than you, and you will have your answers.


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## sokillme

Solonavi78 said:


> My wife forgot my birthday took her about a day to realized it.. 4 days later I got birthday gift from amazon "coffee cup" she ask me to pick a restaurant of my choice.. so i picked crappy Ruby Tuesday.. Its been about a month now.. so gotta be wrong for me to still hold this grudge.. If I bring this up.. I would be the one in the wrong and be the one to apologize..
> 
> 
> yeah just my 40th birthday is all .. which i spent alone on..
> 
> 
> 
> fun times.
> 
> 
> and no I never forgot her birthday.'
> 
> 
> after reading through couple post.. man I must live in the freaking twilight zone.. I gotta deal with everything at home.. work, clean, and maintain the balance.... and all she does work , drink wine, watch her shows... btw .. I do believe binge watching is a problem.
> 
> 
> 
> I do believe I am at my breaking point.. I struggle everyday to make sure my ptsd " does not affect my family" prior military .. and it never will.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "gotta love the edit - anti dyslexia pill "


She sounds like a poor wife, and you sound like you are too passive and have accepted this. Sounds like your her Dad. People who treat their spouses like they are their children have spouses who act like children. 


How much is she on her phone by the way?


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## cmrsmr

Aside from you love her, kids, or how she used to be...why are you with her? Life is moving forward, don’t live it based on the past.


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## farsidejunky

Interesting.

While it is understanble for you to be hurt by her missing your birthday, the rest of your post can be summed up rather quickly, as follows:

"I spoil my wife, and it pisses me off that she is spoiled."

Are you sure you are actually angry with her?


Solonavi78 said:


> My wife forgot my birthday took her about a day to realized it.. 4 days later I got birthday gift from amazon "coffee cup" she ask me to pick a restaurant of my choice.. so i picked crappy Ruby Tuesday.. Its been about a month now.. so gotta be wrong for me to still hold this grudge.. If I bring this up.. I would be the one in the wrong and be the one to apologize..
> 
> 
> yeah just my 40th birthday is all .. which i spent alone on..
> 
> 
> 
> fun times.
> 
> 
> and no I never forgot her birthday.'
> 
> 
> after reading through couple post.. man I must live in the freaking twilight zone.. I gotta deal with everything at home.. work, clean, and maintain the balance.... and all she does work , drink wine, watch her shows... btw .. I do believe binge watching is a problem.
> 
> 
> 
> I do believe I am at my breaking point.. I struggle everyday to make sure my ptsd " does not affect my family" prior military .. and it never will.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "gotta love the edit - anti dyslexia pill "


Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## BigToe

Birthdays are important. I'd be holding a grudge too.


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## Cynthia

I'm going to be blunt here. You are the source of your own problems. This entire post sounds like the whining of a child.

The best way to get what you want in life is to go after it. Part of going after it is to ask for what you want rather than having a silent expectation and then complaining when it doesn't happen.

So if you want things to change in your own life don't expect someone else to take care of that for you.

If you wanted your 40th to be special you should have done something about it, rather than expecting someone else to do it when she has obviously not shown a propensity towards trying to make you happy. Tell her what you want and what you expect. Plan something fun together. Stop being a victim and be a winner.

I'm not talking about demanding or being rude about what you want. I'm talking about having a positive attitude about yourself and towards others and engaging as a couple rather than sulking in the corner and being a martyr. 



Solonavi78 said:


> My wife forgot my birthday took her about a day to realized it.. 4 days later I got birthday gift from amazon "coffee cup" she ask me to pick a restaurant of my choice.. so i picked crappy Ruby Tuesday.. Its been about a month now.. so gotta be wrong for me to still hold this grudge.. If I bring this up.. I would be the one in the wrong and be the one to apologize..
> 
> 
> yeah just my 40th birthday is all .. which i spent alone on..
> 
> 
> 
> fun times.
> 
> 
> and no I never forgot her birthday.'
> 
> 
> after reading through couple post.. man I must live in the freaking twilight zone.. I gotta deal with everything at home.. work, clean, and maintain the balance.... and all she does work , drink wine, watch her shows... btw .. I do believe binge watching is a problem.
> 
> 
> 
> I do believe I am at my breaking point.. I struggle everyday to make sure my ptsd " does not affect my family" prior military .. and it never will.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "gotta love the edit - anti dyslexia pill "


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## 2ntnuf

CynthiaDe said:


> I'm going to be blunt here. You are the source of your own problems. This entire post sounds like the whining of a child.
> 
> The best way to get what you want in life is to go after it. Part of going after it is to ask for what you want rather than having a silent expectation and then complaining when it doesn't happen.
> 
> So if you want things to change in your own life don't expect someone else to take care of that for you.
> 
> If you wanted your 40th to be special you should have done something about it, rather than expecting someone else to do it when she has obviously not shown a propensity towards trying to make you happy. Tell her what you want and what you expect. Plan something fun together. Stop being a victim and be a winner.
> 
> I'm not talking about demanding or being rude about what you want. I'm talking about having a positive attitude about yourself and towards others and engaging as a couple rather than sulking in the corner and being a martyr.


I started laughing when I realized what I was thinking after reading this. I was like, "Yeah, yeah! Do it"! I was thinking, "Take the bull by the horns and go out and have some fun with some young woman who wants you". 

Can't believe I thought that, but is it really infidelity if his wife doesn't love him? I'm not sure, when I consider how folks say to go out and getcha some if the spouse isn't having sex with you.


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## Cynthia

2ntnuf said:


> I started laughing when I realized what I was thinking after reading this. I was like, "Yeah, yeah! Do it"! I was thinking, "Take the bull by the horns and go out and have some fun with some young woman who wants you".
> 
> Can't believe I thought that, but is it really infidelity if his wife doesn't love him? I'm not sure, when I consider how folks say to go out and getcha some if the spouse isn't having sex with you.


Well that's not exactly what I meant, but I can see how that might come to mind. 

My point is that we all have power in our own lives. If his wife doesn't love him and he is beating himself up serving her and being resentful about it then nothing is going to change, except maybe the resentment will continue to grow. It's a personal choice to stay in a miserable relationship, but oftentimes there are things that can be done to make things better and that starts with communicating wants and needs in a healthy manner.


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## Diana7

Forgetting a birthday on its own isn't an issues, I mean my husband would forget his own birthday if I didn't remind him. You seem to have many more issues than that. 

So you need to communicate with her.Tell her how you feel and what changes you want to see. People will only act badly if you enable them to.


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## Emerging Buddhist

Perhaps you may be wondering if you are being over-dramatic or why would the question be asked?

Your mind is a dozen different directions and all focused on hurt... planned reaction because all this negativity is rewiring your brain. When you feel like you are owed something to the point of believing it, complaining is the brick and mortar of such thoughts. Do you like holding the grudge? 

Doesn't seem to be doing anything healthy for you so why keep it?

Think about this differently, bag the single day importance and say "this is my 40th year on this earth and each and every day I am going to work on letingt go of one thing that bugs me in my life"... free yourself and others from holding unattainable standards of expectations that may not really make a difference at the end of your day.

Each day will deliver something, trust me... because there are enough things generated by ourselves that we could go for years before looking at others.

What are you doing for your PTSD? Want a great birthday present for yourself?

Get into a meditation class... seriously, it will be one of the best investments you can make in yourself right now.

Love yourself more... it will be a great first step to calm conversations with your wife as you take a look within.


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## Angelwanderer

I'd be disappointed too.

-A

Endured the pain of a sexless marriage 10+ yrs and wrote a book.


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## cc48kel

Yes, it's disappointing but move on. My husband forgot mine too-- I didn't say anything because I wanted him to take the lead and do something for me which he didn't. I'm OK with it because I know how he is. Next year is the big 5-0 so I won't let him forget! : ) Just move forward for now- start doing date night or just talking. Maybe she feels a disconnection and didn't think it was a big deal.


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