# Ladies: What honestly drives desire for and attraction to a man for you?



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Try and forget your current partner for a second...I know it is hard . Think back to your dating days. What really got your motor running and kept it going after a few dates? Also, do you feel it is those same qualities that keep you attracted today (or would increase your attraction if he could bring them back)? Do you feel attraction and desire for your spouse is the most important thing needed in a long term relationship? If not, what is?

Stop and think before you respond and try to be as honest with yourself as you can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joey_ (Jul 7, 2012)

*Re: Ladies: What honestly drives desire for and attraction to man for you?*

I would like to see a good response to this question as well. What type of guy turns you on.....and what turns you off?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

they will tell you confidence. They may even suggest ways they think you can attain it. You are better off asking successful guys (if there are any) in the mens clubhouse.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Intelligence
Trustworthiness
Integrity
Confidence
Assertiveness
Consistency
Physical stature
Scent


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Ah, I know what the guys will say. Same thingI would say and what I hear from my guy friends. I have a few female friends but I am not close enough to any of them to know if they are just outing on a show for me. 

I was thinking I would be some more candor from the ladies here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sensitivity
Ability to relate
Laid back but not uncaring (knows when to take a break from the serious tasks life hands us as adults)
Ability to raise his eyebrows once in a while (if you know what I mean)
Nice hands and nice eyes
Attractive to me (who cares about anyone else)
Level-headed when it comes to finances and logistics (i.e. no drama in this area)
If he likes music and sings along, all the better
Sense of adventure
Realizes that life happens once and respects time


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Cosmos said:


> Intelligence
> Trustworthiness
> Integrity
> Confidence
> ...


Scent and Consistency are interesting.

For scent, I assume you mean his natural scent (either fresh out of a shower or fresh after a workout). Or do you mean the cologne he wears? I always thought of this as a very subconscious trait, almost one you never even register as what is attracting you. Do you consciously pick up on a guys scent?

Consistency throws me a bit. it is a bit counter to one of my ways of flirting with my partner. I try to make my reactions/behaviors a bit unpredictable, keep her on her toes and not sure exactly what to expect. However, when it comes to deep issues, like an emergency or if she feels threatened in some way, I guess I would see my self as more predictable there.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

*Re: Ladies: What honestly drives desire for and attraction to man for you?*



Joey_ said:


> I would like to see a good response to this question as well. What type of guy turns you on.....and what turns you off?


I like what Joey added, also let us know what turns you off?

Also, how about social status? I see that of sort of "non sexual attraction." The way you command an audience, your ability to influence behaviors, attention at parties, your power at work, catching the eye of other females, etc. I know this was big back in the days of dating but is it still important in a long term relationship? It kind of plays on the whole jealously bit and I wonder if it sort of backfires on you at some point in your relationship. I think some women might find this attractive at some point but eventually find it a threat to their relationship and in some ways may try to discourage these qualities. Just a thought.

My curiosity is in this thread is if there is some sort of transition that takes place. Are the traits that attracted you to someone when you are dating the same that attract you in an LTR. If there is a change, it is good for the health of these relationships?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Everyone is going to be slightly different. The important thing is knowing, finding out and rediscovering what that is for our SO.


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## orangyred (May 6, 2011)

hubby said:


> Try and forget your current partner for a second...I know it is hard . Think back to your dating days. What really got your motor running and kept it going after a few dates? Also, do you feel it is those same qualities that keep you attracted today (or would increase your attraction if he could bring them back)? Do you feel attraction and desire for your spouse is the most important thing needed in a long term relationship? If not, what is?


Good questions. So need to think about this.  thanks


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

hubby said:


> Scent and Consistency are interesting.
> 
> For scent, I assume you mean his natural scent (either fresh out of a shower or fresh after a workout). Or do you mean the cologne he wears? I always thought of this as a very subconscious trait, almost one you never even register as what is attracting you. Do you consciously pick up on a guys scent?
> 
> Consistency throws me a bit. it is a bit counter to one of my ways of flirting with my partner. I try to make my reactions/behaviors a bit unpredictable, keep her on her toes and not sure exactly what to expect. However, when it comes to deep issues, like an emergency or if she feels threatened in some way, I guess I would see my self as more predictable there.


His natural freshly showered scent. On some level, perhaps it is subconscious, but it's something I also pick up on on a conscious level, and it can either attract or repel me. Also taste. I love the taste of my partner's skin.

Consistency of behaviour is something that helps me develop trust and security with someone. Sound values and a level of reliability that isn't subject to unpredictable changes.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

hubby said:


> Try and forget your current partner for a second...I know it is hard . Think back to your dating days. What really got your motor running and kept it going after a few dates? Also, do you feel it is those same qualities that keep you attracted today (or would increase your attraction if he could bring them back)? Do you feel attraction and desire for your spouse is the most important thing needed in a long term relationship? If not, what is?
> 
> Stop and think before you respond and try to be as honest with yourself as you can.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He pursued me. He made it known, without a doubt, of his interest. He also set boundaries with me early on. I didn't recognize that for what it was at the time, but thinking back I see it. His assertion of what he wanted and expected (all with a level of respect towards me though), no doubt was part of the attraction I felt. He displayed gentleness, manners and consideration. Thoughtful conversation, good sense of humor, being lighthearted, having common interests. Being confident enough to share some of his insecurities. Having simple moments. Being joyful and spontaneous and able to handle my feisty side. He never tried to squash my independent streak. If anything, he encouraged me in my dreams and ambitions.

We met young but the same qualities keep me feeling that way today. I wouldn't consider myself feisty anymore though. Sure, it emerges from time to time, but I don't really have the need for it. His thoughtfulness, respect and (since going through some stuff together) sharing his vulnerability to me again, shows me his inner strength. He is more self-aware now than he's ever been. He has a lot of integrity. I admire him. I feel trust in him. And because of that, I desire him. I don't know if this will make sense and it's obviously based on perception - but I see him as the man he is in his own right and I find that very attractive.

Attraction and desire is very important to me. I feel we have a deep level of friendship though that I've never had with another, and that to me, becomes our glue when needed.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

*Re: Ladies: What honestly drives desire for and attraction to man for you?*



hubby said:


> I like what Joey added, also let us know what turns you off?
> 
> Also, how about social status? I see that of sort of "non sexual attraction." The way you command an audience, your ability to influence behaviors, attention at parties, your power at work, catching the eye of other females, etc. I know this was big back in the days of dating but is it still important in a long term relationship? It kind of plays on the whole jealously bit and I wonder if it sort of backfires on you at some point in your relationship. I think some women might find this attractive at some point but eventually find it a threat to their relationship and in some ways may try to discourage these qualities. Just a thought.
> 
> My curiosity is in this thread is if there is some sort of transition that takes place. Are the traits that attracted you to someone when you are dating the same that attract you in an LTR. If there is a change, it is good for the health of these relationships?


The traits that attracted me in the beginning are consistent with what keeps me attracted. Some of these traits can get forgotten, lost, or taken for granted. Needs can change over the years but for me at least, the behaviors that I find attractive have remained consistent.

Batman has never tried to ignite jealousy in me or purposely acted in a way to remind me that other women could have interest in him. The way he pays attention to me and includes me when we're out, is something that I've always found to be extremely attractive.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

heartsbeating said:


> He pursued me. He made it known, without a doubt, of his interest. He also set boundaries with me early on. I didn't recognize that for what it was at the time, but thinking back I see it. His assertion of what he wanted and expected (all with a level of respect towards me though), no doubt was part of the attraction I felt. He displayed gentleness, manners and consideration. Thoughtful conversation, good sense of humor, being lighthearted, having common interests. Being confident enough to share some of his insecurities. Having simple moments. Being joyful and spontaneous and able to handle my feisty side. He never tried to squash my independent streak. If anything, he encouraged me in my dreams and ambitions.
> 
> We met young but the same qualities keep me feeling that way today. I wouldn't consider myself feisty anymore though. Sure, it emerges from time to time, but I don't really have the need for it. His thoughtfulness, respect and (since going through some stuff together) sharing his vulnerability to me again, shows me his inner strength. He is more self-aware now than he's ever been. He has a lot of integrity. I admire him. I feel trust in him. And because of that, I desire him. I don't know if this will make sense and it's obviously based on perception - but I see him as the man he is in his own right and I find that very attractive.
> 
> Attraction and desire is very important to me. I feel we have a deep level of friendship though that I've never had with another, and that to me, becomes our glue when needed.


That is really awesome right there. Totally get what you are saying. You are lucky. I wish I had as much of a clue as your husband did at his age.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

hubby said:


> That is really awesome right there. Totally get what you are saying. You are lucky. I wish I had as much of a clue as your husband did at his age.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am lucky, you're right.

He's not perfect though, none of us are. Wouldn't be much fun and learning involved if we were, right? .......We've had our disconnect and he fought hard for us and himself and we reset. It's all a journey. In that reset though, he got to a point where he said to me he had to learn and face certain things for himself, regardless of where we ended up. It was the best thing he could have done for himself. And I respected that.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Hearts,
This is truly, deeply beautiful. Your H is a very fortunate man.




heartsbeating said:


> He pursued me. He made it known, without a doubt, of his interest. He also set boundaries with me early on. I didn't recognize that for what it was at the time, but thinking back I see it. His assertion of what he wanted and expected (all with a level of respect towards me though), no doubt was part of the attraction I felt. He displayed gentleness, manners and consideration. Thoughtful conversation, good sense of humor, being lighthearted, having common interests. Being confident enough to share some of his insecurities. Having simple moments. Being joyful and spontaneous and able to handle my feisty side. He never tried to squash my independent streak. If anything, he encouraged me in my dreams and ambitions.
> 
> We met young but the same qualities keep me feeling that way today. I wouldn't consider myself feisty anymore though. Sure, it emerges from time to time, but I don't really have the need for it. His thoughtfulness, respect and (since going through some stuff together) sharing his vulnerability to me again, shows me his inner strength. He is more self-aware now than he's ever been. He has a lot of integrity. I admire him. I feel trust in him. And because of that, I desire him. I don't know if this will make sense and it's obviously based on perception - but I see him as the man he is in his own right and I find that very attractive.
> 
> Attraction and desire is very important to me. I feel we have a deep level of friendship though that I've never had with another, and that to me, becomes our glue when needed.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

*Re: Ladies: What honestly drives desire for and attraction to man for you?*



heartsbeating said:


> The traits that attracted me in the beginning are consistent with what keeps me attracted. Some of these traits can get forgotten, lost, or taken for granted. Needs can change over the years but for me at least, the behaviors that I find attractive have remained consistent.
> 
> Batman has never tried to ignite jealousy in me or purposely acted in a way to remind me that other women could have interest in him. The way he pays attention to me and includes me when we're out, is something that I've always found to be extremely attractive.


It's interesting you mention that. I've always been a nice guy because I thought it was what women want, but it never got me the girl. When I was 27 I decided the heck with it, I'm just going to start going for it and not take rejection personally.

By the time I met my wife, looking back I can see that I was behaving kind of alpha towards her, something I never really did before.

What is also is interesting thinking back is that she has never really said much about her past, but she always referred to her previous boyfriend as jack-a$s.. I've gathered that she had bad-boys, and looking back I suspect she was at a point where she was attracted to nice guys. 

She got used to me being a nice guy but got tired of being in control and me not being in control, and fixing that is what fixed our marriage... But after years of the old me, she's still reacting in some ways based on the way I used to be.. This is drawing on a trait I've always had that she's always struggled with - patience.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

For me, sexual attraction was an instant "omg, I'd so do him". Just a vibe I'd get...usually it was mutual. It's hard to describe.

If I was dating the person, i'd be turned on by weird things-- the curl of their lips, their stance, their walk, their hands, the way he might touch his hair....


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

What honestly drives my desire and attraction?

A man who is not intimidated by other people (not his friends, mother, work friends etc) , who knows who he is and stands up for what he believes in. Who has good values, treats women well, and doesn't worry about how other men view him. Who is a gentleman and is kind to others but never a push over. A man who can take the lead and you can have confidence in him doing the fair thing.

Physically- tall, very manly, I like facial hair, and short hair or shaved head.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And I love a man who can talk to people. Social and outgoing. I am not. Yea, yea...lol...i am online but out in the world, I have social anxiety. No shet. So I like a man who can pull that side out of me.

And the way a man's clothes fit him is big too. i like to think of what he looks like without them. On a few first dates with H, I don't even remember what he said...i was just looking at his body, trying to imagine what it looked like naked. lol.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

hubby said:


> Try and forget your current partner for a second...I know it is hard . Think back to your dating days. What really got your motor running and kept it going after a few dates?


As for dating before my husband, the few who held my interest also had those similar behaviors that I find attractive and there was a sensual vibe going on. The guy I briefly dated before hubs, pursued me. Had many of those qualities I admire..... but he wanted to get too serious too quickly for my liking. He was a lovely guy though. My Batman seemed to have that balance of showing his interest, pursuing me, displaying boundaries, while still giving me room to completely be myself. Hubs and I were already talking and flirting before we even knew what each other looked like. We briefly met a couple of times and then he really stepped up his interest. Good thing too, as the guy I'd been dating before, called me out of the blue (we hadn't spoken in months), and asked to meet at a club at midnight. Well, I didn't make it to meet him as hubs and I saw each other earlier in the night and he had me captivated. 

The appeal wasn't just in being pursued/shown interest though. Another guy tried to pursue me, and was very sweet but I just wasn't feeling it.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

The five guys that stand out in my mind were all vastly different. It's strange, the things that stand out about a person that make you want to know them more intimately. 

#1 Desperately sought my attention. He was attentive, watched me, asked me questions, listened when I talked. I wasn't physically attracted to him at all, but the words that came out of his mouth and the attention he paid me were intoxicating. We actually talked about marriage...however he had a large timid streak that I could not get past. It reeked of apathy and despondency. It made him become very very unattractive to me over the years

#2 Oh my god that man could move his body. I worked with him (we worked in a night club). One night, I was working a shift, and he came out to dance. Saw him move on the dance floor and he turned into an itch I absolutely had to scratch. He was at ease in front of people, made jokes easily, award winning smile, charismatic and charming enough to win over the parents even. He was already sexy, but the most scintillating part of that was the confidence he exuded.
I finally manipulated a situation one evening to my advantage and made my own moves on him. We dated for several months, until I he decided to share his traits with another girl.

#3 The Brainiac Maybe not so different from #1. Well read, well spoken, not really that attractive, but the more he spoke, the more attractive he became. Unfortunately, the more he spoke, the more condescending he became as well. Lasted a brief time...so glad it was brief.

#4 The One Night Stand He just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I knew him already, I was tired of complacency, and this guy was the exact opposite. Big, burly, kinda dirty, rocker guy... I laid it out on the table..."one night for a sex free for all. I don't want anything else, don't get weird on me."
Big burly rocker guy went weird on me anyway...started calling me every night, begging for a second date or a relationship...got very lovey dovey and desperately clingy. I have never been more turned off in my life. 

#5 Mr. Right He didn't have a car, he had a crappy job, he was half a foot shorter than me and dressed like a Miami Vice extra that didn't even make it into the show (in the 90's). *And he was c0cky as heck.* He was so completely sure of himself, and his ability to hook me...that I figured what the heck...he thinks he's all that, I will go on a date with him just to get him out of my hair. Two days later, we were living together. We have been married for almost 18 years. We have had our up's and down's. Those down's have correlated to the times when he stopped manning up, became a doormat and lost his confidence. 


So for me, it was a combination, but the thing that I am most attracted to is masculinity itself. The core of that masculinity being confidence, ****iness, a willingness to be the person you are without apologizing for it. At the same time, that needs to be tempered with a civility and a compassion that shows that although you are man enough to be a brute, you are smart enough to know when to show it and when to stow it.

For me...it had very little to do with appearance, but everything to do with seeing confidence shine through. The way someone stands, the kind of smile they put forth, a glint in the eye, making purposeful advances and not apologizing for them...but all without being a douche. Above all else...don't ever ever apologize for being a man and having those traits!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Not necessarily in this order as he has to have all of this

Very intelligent
Good sense of humor
Likes to do a lot of different things… I think of it as a jeans to tux kind of guy
Likes dogs
Physically active
High sex drive
Kind and loving
Trustworthiness
Integrity
Confidence
Assertiveness
Consistency
Physical stature
Scent


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I'll put these in order of importance 

A particular 'look'', high cheekbones, sculpted face, full lips. Dark hair, dark eyes.
Scent, natural scent that is. First thing in the morning scent. Pre-shower.
Taste
Humour
Broad shoulders, small hips.
Graceful, strong, masculine hands.
Darkness and introspectiveness. Brooding intensity.
Confidence
Passion

How my husband managed all these at 18 I couldn't tell you. But he basically nailed them all, and continues to do so. Lucky me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Oh, the above thingsare for purely physical/sexual attraction and desire. Other qualities like intelligence, loyalty, patience, good parent and trustworthiness are important for the other relationship stuff.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Good work ethic.
Sense of humour - at himself as well as others
Loyalty & kindness
Must like cats or at least, be able to tolerate them.
And on the physical side:
Over 5'10"
Not fair hair or long hair & definately no mullets
Not hairy - no gorillas for me.

H fits the bill on all of those.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Instead of asking women about this you may want to just observe guys who have a constant flock of women around them.

Women tend to give you romanticized answers and you'll go insane trying to juggle it all together. Look at what they do instead of what they say.

*Runs out the door before angry ladies throw stones...


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

costa200 said:


> Instead of asking women about this you may want to just observe guys who have a constant flock of women around them.
> 
> Women tend to give you romanticized answers and you'll go insane trying to juggle it all together. Look at what they do instead of what they say.
> 
> *Runs out the door before angry ladies throw stones...


Not stones... just a comment 
A flock of women is totally different than ONE that loves you deeply. Different things going on. Looking for something different if it's a LTR.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Added to everything that everyone else said,
I would like to add,

Aggression 

Women like to feel desired by the men who pursue them
[ Generalization]. 
They don't like to be " next". They hate having to compete with anything or anybody. She likes to feel as if she is the only one.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

-Being Dependable 
-Trustworthy
-Hard Working 
-Family Oriented
-Intelligent 
-Dorky/Funny
-Friendly with others and not rude *respectful*
-Of course there is always physical attractiveness that gets you together...but in order the keep it together I feel that good conversations and lots of laughs outweigh physical appearance (my hubby is very attractive to me, but I don't drool over him like I used to...what's inside is more important then what's outside)


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Good stuff here, keep it coming.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

One thing to be careful about is distinguishing types of attraction; sometimes it gets muddled, but there's a big difference between the "attraction" meant when people talk about Bill Gates v. Channing Tatum. 

So...being nice, being wealthy, being thoughtful, doing the dishes, etc., might be attractive in the sense that it makes you a good partner. You're "attractive to be in a relationship with."

Being good looking, aggressive/dominant, in good shape, co.cky, desired by other women, etc., might be attractive in the sense that it makes you sexually desirable.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

1. confidence
a. ok with being with a strong women (me!) 
b. ok with enjoying cultural events that aren't manly
c. ok with a woman with a nickname that is not sexy, but hey that's my name.
2.intelligent
3.honest
4.educated
5. financially responsible

I know that my list isn't sexy, but I'm a practical person. I guess I respect a man with these qualities, and that gets my motor running.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm with that girl in that for me sexual chemistry was just there within literally 3 days of meeting my husband. It's something I can't describe in words it was just there and we both felt it.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Intelligence, sensitivity, financially stable, not cheap, good sense of humor, kind, respectful, honest, healthy sexual appetite, affectionate, mature, deep sexy voice, well groomed, beautiful eyes, independent, wants a serious relationship, no children.

When I speak of being financially stable and not cheap, I am not saying I wanted a rich man. I just wanted someone hardworking and ambitious. Men who didn't have cars or worked at Mickey D's didn't cut it. Cheapness is a turn off and I didn't like men who complained about the cost of gas when picking me up or the price of dinner. Men who are cheap are often not very loving because they are very stingy in other ways. YUCK! 

Scent is huge thing for me. I loved men who smelled fresh and clean, especially their genitals. Cologne is great too, as long as it was not cloying or stinky. I dated some men who had very smelly parts and I couldn't be intimate with them because their kocks smelled like urine or B.O. 

I couldn't be with a man who had a low drive, a small penis or no experience in the bedroom. I am a HD woman, so I needed someone who could keep up. While I did not expect a man who was more than 7 inches, I could not stay with men who were less than 4. No matter how kind or sweet a man was, a small penis made me run in the other direction. Life is too short for bad sex! 

While I enjoy being around well behaved kids, I didn't want to take on the baggage of dating a man with children. I had a very bad experience with that and I needed to be first in a relationship. A single dad I dated constantly cancelled dates because his son convieniently needed his daddy almost EVERY time we had plans. His son was a very savvy and intelligent 11 year old. I think that kid knew exactly what he was doing! I had no interest being a stepmother either. Childfree women should stay away from single dads when dating...it doesn't make sense to pick a father if you don't want children.


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

Competence. I love a man who gets his stuff handled. 

Social dominance, definitely. I tend to be attracted to the man the other men defer to. 

Lives his own life, does his own thing, and lets me do the same.

Natural scent/taste. 

Doesn't try to control me and doesn't let me control him.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Kathrynthegreat said:


> Competence. I love a man who gets his stuff handled.
> 
> *Social dominance, definitely. I tend to be attracted to the man the other men defer to. *
> 
> ...




^^^
 
Just can't beat that!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Kathrynthegreat said:


> Competence. I love a man who gets his stuff handled.
> 
> Social dominance, definitely. I tend to be attracted to the man the other men defer to.
> 
> ...


Thats how all men want to be, which is why all the bona fide stud males comprise only 10% of the male population (ie 1% who are genuinely superior in all ways and 9% that can emulate them closely enough to attract women)


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## mc1234 (Jun 9, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> He pursued me. He made it known, without a doubt, of his interest. He also set boundaries with me early on. I didn't recognize that for what it was at the time, but thinking back I see it. His assertion of what he wanted and expected (all with a level of respect towards me though), no doubt was part of the attraction I felt. He displayed gentleness, manners and consideration. Thoughtful conversation, good sense of humor, being lighthearted, having common interests. Being confident enough to share some of his insecurities. Having simple moments. Being joyful and spontaneous and able to handle my feisty side. He never tried to squash my independent streak. If anything, he encouraged me in my dreams and ambitions.
> 
> We met young but the same qualities keep me feeling that way today. I wouldn't consider myself feisty anymore though. Sure, it emerges from time to time, but I don't really have the need for it. His thoughtfulness, respect and (since going through some stuff together) sharing his vulnerability to me again, shows me his inner strength. He is more self-aware now than he's ever been. He has a lot of integrity. I admire him. I feel trust in him. And because of that, I desire him. I don't know if this will make sense and it's obviously based on perception - but I see him as the man he is in his own right and I find that very attractive.
> 
> Attraction and desire is very important to me. I feel we have a deep level of friendship though that I've never had with another, and that to me, becomes our glue when needed.


I feel this way about my h, he too displayed all these qualities when we met but i have only begin to realise the importance of all these 'Real Man, Mr Nice Guy' tendencies. What turns me off is a guy who thinks he is all that. Fell for someone like that once and it was really hard work, insecurities etc as he thought he could get any women he wanted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Some have a very specific list. Are all those a "must" or just ideal?
I'm a guy, and I was just thinking about my own set of things. I'm sure I have them, but they may be more difficult to put into words. For me, I either 'clicked" with someone, or I didn't. Of course, everyone one wants someone they find physically attractive, but for me, it was always on an individual basis. I didn't have anything like a certain hair color, height, education, etc. I know some women, for example, who are tall. They say they don't want a man shorter than they are. Well, that really narrows the field, and if they automatically turn down every guy shorter than them, they might miss out on a really great guy.

I was in college when I met my now x wife. She was as poor as a church mouse, had no plans for college, and had very small breasts, but none of that mattered to me. I thought she was attractive and we just clicked.


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

southbound said:


> Some have a very specific list. Are all those a "must" or just ideal?


I don't have a list of "musts". What I wrote is just what I've noticed is consistent about guys I am attracted to. I've been attracted to short guys, tall guys, skinny guys, buff guys, cowboys and rockers. . . but what they all have in common is that they are guys who get their stuff handled, are supremely confident, and other men defer to them in social situations.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I saw a documentary that was interesting called "the science of sex appeal". It is on youtube.com. 

I have been married most of my adult life. These are the things that keep me interested. Dominance-when he takes control and has the "i know what i want" attitude. Compliments-just one little compliment goes a long way. Variety-when he wants to try something a little different. Effort-his willingness to put effort into keeping things interesting. My husband says that "sex is all about the female". He gets most of his pleasure by pleasuring me over and over again. And it makes sense that if you please your partner, they will come back for more. If you put effort in, most women will reciprocate. The ability to listen is also important. And i realize it's not always easy. Also, men are visually stimulated more than women. I believe women respond more to language (auditory).


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## wifey32 (Jul 3, 2012)

well, in my dating days I would have to say it was probably about the looks first. I really liked light skin, dark hair, dark features, big muscles, and a big package didn't hurt either.  what kept me around when dating was someone who i could be open with, have fun with, and GREAT sex. Those aren't the same things i think are most important now that i am married although they are still great things to have. when i met my hubby, i honestly didn't even notice him for months and was not physically attracted to him, but after getting to know him , i fell in love with the man he is. that is what makes me think he is so handsome and attractive now. i admit he has his flaws, but he is a great guy with good qualities and that is way more important that the things i placed importance on when casually dating.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Although I'm not overburdened with "intelligence", I used to harbor most of the qualities that Shiska alluded to in her post.
What it got me was twenty years of being cheated on and near bankruptcy.
Now I possess none of them and have no problem in getting dates and am forced to end the relationships myself since I'm no longer interested in matrimony.
In some instances I guess, less is more.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A cascade of unassailable platitudes. But in practice it's the ineffable indescribable things that make you hate him with atomic fury.


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## burgh_mom (Jul 9, 2012)

I'm with you wifeinsa...don't want a man who cries at the movies. Want one who can fix the dishwasher when it breaks and keep my bed covers askew...been single too long, I suppose lol  smells good, slim hips, blue eyes doesn't hurt either <3 quietly confident pls! we can work on the rest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

burgh_mom said:


> I'm with you wifeinsa...don't want a man who cries at the movies. Want one who can fix the dishwasher when it breaks and keep my bed covers askew...been single too long, I suppose lol  smells good, slim hips, blue eyes doesn't hurt either <3 quietly confident pls! we can work on the rest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is a real phenomenon you are talking about... before our son was born I felt like a good strong silent type, was effectual, prompt, strong and emotionally stable, not as boring, never once cried in a movie (though came close a few times). When my son was born the estrogen switch was flipped in me and I became a sobbing mess, inefectual, insecure, protective, scatterbrained, tired, out of shape, forgetful and now I completely sob at the slightest sentiment in a movie.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> I saw a documentary that was interesting called "the science of sex appeal". It is on youtube.com.
> 
> I have been married most of my adult life. These are the things that keep me interested. Dominance-when he takes control and has the "i know what i want" attitude. Compliments-just one little compliment goes a long way. Variety-when he wants to try something a little different. Effort-his willingness to put effort into keeping things interesting. *My husband says that "sex is all about the female". He gets most of his pleasure by pleasuring me over and over again. And it makes sense that if you please your partner, they will come back for more. * If you put effort in, most women will reciprocate. The ability to listen is also important. And i realize it's not always easy. Also, men are visually stimulated more than women. I believe women respond more to language (auditory).


:^^^^
Just can't beat that,
again. 
If the average man understood that, men would not be begging their wives or BJ's.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> My husband says that "sex is all about the female". He gets most of his pleasure by pleasuring me over and over again. And it makes sense that if you please your partner, they will come back for more. If you put effort in, most women will reciprocate.


Except my wife, who won't let me, because having sex and orgasming isn't "ladylike". She knows what will get her off, I know, she knows I know, and goes out of her way to make a point of not letting me. And before anyone says she's testing me, words like "police" and "sexual assault" don't make a test.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

The Chimp said:


> Except my wife, who won't let me, because having sex and orgasming isn't "ladylike". She knows what will get her off, I know, she knows I know, and goes out of her way to make a point of not letting me. And before anyone says she's testing me, words like "police" and "sexual assault" don't make a test.


I have a similar exception to this rule. My wife has a terrible time getting to the big O. Just yesterday, we were going at it very passionately for about 30-40 minutes (with some decent amount of foreplay before that). While she had a good time, she did not O. She then spent at least another 30 minutes by herself with the rabbit but could not get over the edge. I also think she is ovulating right around now so the hormones were working in her favor. Granted, the kids were playing in the living room (close to our bedroom) and that may have made it difficult for her to concentrate. I would say she has had an O less than 30 times in her life and the work to get there is almost not worth it.

I know a lot of women say that sex is "just fine" without the O. Sure, but they would be a hell of a lot more hungry if they did.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It seems that the consensus among women is that the ideal man is one whom she hates the least.


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