# After She Cheated, I Am Conflicted With Everything



## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

This is the first time on these message boards, and I really didn't think I would end up here. I guess I should start from the beginning.

My wife and I started dating in highschool and we have been together for 13 years (Married 3 years). We always were happy with each other (or so I thought) and life was great! In the beginning of the relationship we decided to try experimenting in different sexual fantasies, this just so happened to include a threesome. She wanted 2 guys 1 girl, I wanted 2 girls 1 guy (naturally) and we knew a guy who would be cool with it, but there was a problem I didn't know many girls and to be honest didn't feel comfortable going up to a girl and asking "Um hey, like to have a threesome?". Well I guess I waited too long and I was hesitating and she ended up just having sex with him when I wasn't involved. Now I understand it sounds bad but, she explained what had happened and was truly sorry. I just chalked it up to experimentation error.

Fast forward about 7 or so years when we got married, everything was going great. People would ask "Do you feel different now that you are married" I told them no etc. Well then comes along this guy. She was a teacher, for a school and well there was this guy who was one smooth MF. He played the sap story about his family mistreating him, and he was down on his luck etc.. My wife talked to me about having him stay with us for a while to get back on his feet. I felt EXTREMELY suspicious about this but I loved my wife and trusted her. There several occasions I found him flirting, touching, hell one time I caught him laying down with her on the couch and she would just say, "Hes being stupid and its nothing". Boy was I so naive, one day I got out of work early and came home and walked into them having sex. I was so furious to think this guy was in my house, eating my food, and having sex with my wife. *Sigh*

I have never been with anyone else, cheated, etc.. So I was scared of being alone, I was scared because I am not in the best position with school/work to support myself in my house. Its been about 2 years now since it has happened, and I have tried to look past it, make it work, however you want to word it. I just can't, sure we still have sex once in a blue moon, and its fun but I don't feel that passion anymore, its just... sex to me now. I am currently talking with a girl that I really like and this the first time in my life that I have been insanely confused about if I should break it off, or whatever. I mean I like this other girl alot and me and my wife still have fun doing things together but... Its just not the same.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Don't be the dirtball your wife was and cheat. Her banging another man in your house is beyond beyond. I would divorce her and move on. But don't be the ****ty person she is. Divorce her first, then date to your heart's content.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

If you are asking for advice on what to do etc., TAM would need to know what has happened in the last 2 years and how you and W have dealt with the situation.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Philat said:


> If you are asking for advice on what to do etc., TAM would need to know what has happened in the last 2 years and how you and W have dealt with the situation.


Well It was really REALLY hard at first to even look at her. We basically started talking about why she did it, and etc. She basically says I wasn't romantic enough for her/ I didn't pay enough attention even though I would be all over her and she would just tell me she was tired and all that. I mean we don't talk about it and she doesn't know that I feel this way yet. Its just that at this point its impossible to find any sort of romantic feelings towards her.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

I'm not sure what you're asking; it sounds like you should divorce your wife and move on.

Don't cheat though, that's the sort of thing you'd expect from a douche. Don't be a douche. Once you cheat you'll always be a douche - even if no one knows, you will.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why, oh *why *do people become shocked when they turn their relationship/marriage into a test laboratory for all sorts of kinks and preversions (sic) and the results of the experiments turn out not like this:









But like this?


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> Well It was really REALLY hard at first to even look at her. We basically started talking about why she did it, and etc. She basically says I wasn't romantic enough for her/ I didn't pay enough attention even though I would be all over her and she would just tell me she was tired and all that. I mean we don't talk about it and she doesn't know that I feel this way yet. Its just that at this point its impossible to find any sort of romantic feelings towards her.


She cheated because she wanted to. 

Her excuse is irrelevant. 

It sounds like you rugswept the whole thing.

You should go back to the beginning and start as though you just discovered it. Read the links for new posters.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Why, oh *why *do people become shocked when they turn their relationship/marriage into a test laboratory for all sorts of kinks and preversions (sic) and the results of the experiments turn out not like this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I agree with you, but you must realize at the time I was 15-16? I was young and dumb. What happened is not something I foresaw, I was thinking like any 15-16 year old would think, that it would come out perfect.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> Well It was really REALLY hard at first to even look at her. We basically started talking about why she did it, and etc. She basically says I wasn't romantic enough for her/ I didn't pay enough attention even though I would be all over her and she would just tell me she was tired and all that. I mean we don't talk about it and she doesn't know that I feel this way yet. Its just that at this point its impossible to find any sort of romantic feelings towards her.


Then you need to run away from her, very quickly. Unless you think counselling might help?:scratchhead:


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

I plan on going to get counseling, I just wondered if there was anyone else out there experiencing a similar situation and maybe could give some insight?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Don't play the same game she played with you. Stay away from other women, at least until you officially file the D papers and have a legal separation.

Sounds like her infidelity has destroyed your feelings for her and you are moving away emotionally.

If it is too much to get over (for many guys, myself included, betrayal is the last straw) make the decision to divorce and get on with a life without her.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> I plan on going to get counseling, I just wondered if there was anyone else out there experiencing a similar situation and maybe could give some insight?


I'm still not sure which part of your situation you are conflicted about?

- you certainly did not deal with her betrayals (note the plural) adequately.

- I am sure many on here have been tempted since discovering their spouse's betrayal. I certainly was, but cheating is wrong and why would you sink to that level just for the sake of the few months a divorce takes?


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

TDSC60 said:


> Don't play the same game she played with you. Stay away from other women, at least until you officially file the D papers and have a legal separation.
> 
> Sounds like her infidelity has destroyed your feelings for her and you are moving away emotionally.
> 
> If it is too much to get over (for many guys, myself included, betrayal is the last straw) make the decision to divorce and get on with a life without her.


After she cheated on me, I thought about doing the same to her, but I told my self that no one deserves to be cheated on. No one.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> I plan on going to get counseling, I just wondered if there was anyone else out there experiencing a similar situation and maybe could give some insight?


I have sympathy for you, but the idea of a threesome with my wife and someone else leaves me cold, and feeling a bit ill, so I have nothing else I can add, at present.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I have sympathy for you, but the idea of a threesome with my wife and someone else leaves me cold, and feeling a bit ill, so I have nothing else I can add, at present.


I'm not sure what happened to my previous response but, as I said I was 15-16 at the time, I was young and dumb. The idea of a threesome has faded after that incident. Needless to say it was a mistake.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Confused?

Let me suggest that you can stop being confused.

Assuming you were in an exclusive relationship when she banged the first guy; and assuming you had not agreed to her sleeping with him without you: she cheated on you. That was your first clue about her ability to be faithful. Granted, you did wait a number of years to marry her. But it sounds like you rug swept that event. Rug sweeping that made it all the more likely she would cheat again.

Then she does cheat again. Now she is a serial cheater. All cheaters have to receive and accept significant consequences. But here's the thing; for a serial cheater, there is no consequence significant enough, short of divorce - IMHO. 

Move on with your life and find someone else, but be honorable. Divorce her first.

You deserve better than her, but don't sink to her level and cheat to get there.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

What a dumpster fire of a marriage... You'd think you would have gotten the memo the first time she cheated. Also, who would be stupid enough to invite a male stranger into their home and allow them to live there rent free - especially given the fact that you knew she was into threesomes and she up and cheated on you because you were too slow to get the threesome started???? 

I call BS...


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> I'm still not sure which part of your situation you are conflicted about?
> 
> - you certainly did not deal with her betrayals (note the plural) adequately.
> 
> - I am sure many on here have been tempted since discovering their spouse's betrayal. I certainly was, but cheating is wrong and why would you sink to that level just for the sake of the few months a divorce takes?


Ah, I guess I didn't really clarify that part. I don't plan on cheating on her in the slightest. I used to see cheating as not that big of a deal, but after this 2nd time around well.. lets just say that my emotions have finally given up on themselves. I plan on doing the right thing and the girl I mention that I like lives in Japan so as of right now its me just thinking of moving on.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> What a dumpster fire of a marriage... You'd think you would have gotten the memo the first time she cheated. Also, who would be stupid enough to invite a male stranger into their home and allow them to live there rent free - especially given the fact that you knew she was into threesomes and she up and cheated on you because you were too slow to get the threesome started????
> 
> I call BS...


The plan wasn't for it to be rent free, he was supposed to be paying rent, getting a job, and moving on. Not to mention everyone around me, friends, family (the exception of my mother) told me that it would be fine and to trust my wife.

It just... went so wrong.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

_I mean we don't talk about it and she doesn't know that I feel this way yet. Its just that at this point its impossible to find any sort of romantic feelings towards her. _

Time to start talking about it.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Philat said:


> _I mean we don't talk about it and she doesn't know that I feel this way yet. Its just that at this point its impossible to find any sort of romantic feelings towards her. _
> 
> Time to start talking about it.


I totally agree :iagree:


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> The plan wasn't for it to be rent free, he was supposed to be paying rent, getting a job, and moving on. Not to mention *everyone around me, friends, family (the exception of my mother) told me that it would be fine and to trust my wife.*
> 
> It just... went so wrong.


So did everyone know that your wife cheated on you after you were too slow to arrange the threesome that she really wanted? No? Then how in the fvck would they know how trustworthy your wife is?????


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Give the guy a break; he was just a kid when she first cheated. You're right in principal, but he's come here for help.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> So did everyone know that your wife cheated on you after you were too slow to arrange the threesome that she really wanted? No? Then how in the fvck would they know how trustworthy your wife is?????


Well, I told a few people about the first time she cheated on me. But, it was years ago and we had gotten over the first event and basically everyone kind of chalked it up to being young and stupid (which is valid). Also we both wanted a threesome, so it was like I said just a mess. The second time though, because of the circumstances, timing, and just me being an overall pushover I didn't tell anyone except a couple of online friends.

So to them she just messed up once due to being young and stupid.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> Give the guy a break; he was just a kid when she first cheated. You're right in principal, but he's come here for help.


Its cool, when I told some of my online friends they looked at me like I was insane, and that I had ALOT more restraint than them. I'm sure there will be more of that to come in the future.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So did you kick that guy out ?


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> So did you kick that guy out ?


Kick the guy out? I beat his ass out of my house.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> Give the guy a break; he was just a kid when she first cheated. You're right in principal, but he's come here for help.


Define young. If this happened when you were in your 20s, then I'm sorry, that's a load of garbage. The day I equate a 20 something as some innocent that is too gullible for the world is the day I lose complete and utter faith in all of humanity. If you are old enough to handle a 2 ton vehicle where your stupidity can cause someone to get killed, you are old enough to join the military and kill others for the sake of war and you can legally purchase alcohol for public consumption, then you are old enough to know better when it comes to relationships. You may not know all the nuances of being the perfect spouse or how to truly romance a woman (or a man), but surely you know when someone is simply not marriage material. 

OP, apologies if I am coming across as harsh. But you know, you need to pull your head out of your ass and come to terms with who you married and recognize what the correct course of action SHOULD be in your shoes. If you don't have any kids, I'd get your running shoes on...

Oh, and make sure your family knows who the person you married too really is...


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> The second time though, because of the circumstances, timing, and just me being an overall pushover I didn't tell anyone except a couple of online friends.


It's not too late to stop being a pushover. Expose the hell out of both of them. Her family, your family, his significant others. List him on cheaterville. 

Whether you D or not, that's the right approach. And it might make you feel better.


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## BlueCalcite (Jul 15, 2013)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> Kick the guy out? I beat his ass out of my house.


This guy could have used your services.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Define young. If this happened when you were in your 20s, then I'm sorry, that's a load of garbage. The day I equate a 20 something as some innocent that is too gullible for the world is the day I lose complete and utter faith in all of humanity. If you are old enough to handle a 2 ton vehicle where your stupidity can cause someone to get killed, you are old enough to join the military and kill others for the sake of war and you can legally purchase alcohol for public consumption, then you are old enough to know better when it comes to relationships. You may not know all the nuances of being the perfect spouse or how to truly romance a woman (or a man), but surely you know when someone is simply not marriage material.


In my view if you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to understand the devastation of your exclusive partner cheating or dying. Just ask Romeo. Oh wait.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Cheating is not okay, but leaving a cheater is.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> The plan wasn't for it to be rent free, he was supposed to be paying rent, getting a job, and moving on. Not to mention everyone around me, friends, family (the exception of my mother) told me that it would be fine and to trust my wife.
> 
> It just... went so wrong.


You played yourself. Neither of you were mature enough for marriage.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You kicked the scumbag out, but you let your cheating wife stay?

With zero consequences. Again, so what she now knows is she can cheat anytime she wants, and even if she gets caught - nothing happens.

You've caught her twice. Her actions and total lack of remorse suggest that she's cheated a lot of other times that you haven't caught.

What about demanding a polygraph, or better yet recognize the person she really is, and further recognize that she neither loves, values, or respects you - so why are you wasting your precious days on earth with her, when you move on and find a woman who cherishes you?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> Also we both wanted a threesome, so it was like I said just a mess. The second time though, because of the circumstances, timing, and just me being an overall pushover I didn't tell anyone except a couple of online friends.


I find it a little hard to understand why having someone do your old lady in a threesome, or one where you're only watching, is so much worse than her doing someone without you around. Hell man, a few years back you didn't have a problem with it. What did you expect when you moved another guy in. You knew she liked variety.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw - I suspect the reason you feel the way you do about things and her, is you've woken up to the fact that you shouldn't be sticking with her, she has shown her true self, ands it not attractive in anyway. She's not the loving good wife you deserve, instead she's a liar, a cheat, and totally without any remorse.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> You kicked the scumbag out, but you let your cheating wife stay?
> 
> With zero consequences. Again, so what she now knows is she can cheat anytime she wants, and even if she gets caught - nothing happens.
> 
> ...


I keep asking myself this everyday.


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I find it a little hard to understand why having someone do your old lady in a threesome, or one where you're only watching, is so much worse than her doing someone without you around. Hell man, a few years back you didn't have a problem with it. What did you expect when you moved another guy in. You knew she liked variety.


I'll be kicking myself in the ass until I'm dead about that one. I did have a problem with it which is why I was hesitating. She seems really sad the first time around. The second time though, at first she just seem void of remorse but then she cried alot.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> I find it a little hard to understand why having someone do your old lady in a threesome, or one where you're only watching, is so much worse than her doing someone without you around. Hell man, a few years back you didn't have a problem with it. What did you expect when you moved another guy in. You knew she liked variety.


The OP came here for help, not judgement.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> I'll be kicking myself in the ass until I'm dead about that one. I did have a problem with it which is why I was hesitating. She seems really sad the first time around. The second time though, at first she just seem void of remorse but then she cried alot.


Sounds like you broke up her relationship with him, which is why she cried.

You do realize she and he were most likely knocking boots before he moved in right? That she brought her lover to live with her.

Have you demanded a polygraph test?

A std test?

Total transparency?


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Sounds like you broke up her relationship with him, which is why she cried.
> 
> You do realize she and he were most likely knocking boots before he moved in right? That she brought her lover to live with her.
> 
> ...


I believe there was total transparency when I walked into the room while they are having sex... Also she never even knew the guy until she got that job she had.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> I believe there was total transparency when I walked into the room while they are having sex... Also she never even knew the guy until she got that job she had.


I mean total transparency now

Polygraph test now for other past affairs

She met him at the job, they stared the romance., he moved in.

Btw, have you posted him on cheaterville.com so other guys don't fall for it?


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## TotallyConfused24 (Oct 1, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> I mean total transparency now
> 
> Polygraph test now for other past affairs
> 
> ...


Not yet but I will, I never knew about cheaterville.com until now


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> I believe there was total transparency when I walked into the room while they are having sex... Also she never even knew the guy until she got that job she had.


You saw the tip of a very large iceberg. Sex is a symptom, not a cause - graphic and painful evidence of something often far, far deeper and more damaging.

All you saw when you walked in to that room incredibly painful though it must have been - was a list of questions; a point in time that was the culmination of hundreds of hours, decisions, promises.

You need to go back there and begin to unravel the mess that was hidden when you thought you saw clearly; you saw a light so bright you could not see what lay behind it.

You need to go back and either try to peer into the shade, or look away as you are walking - nay running - in the other direction.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> The OP came here for help, not judgement.


I'm not judging per se. A few years back his old lady thought a MFM threesome would be great. Why do you think she felt that way? I believe because she liked variety and was obviously ok with sex partners besides her husband.
If that's the case, why would that change. Just because he decides its not his thing to have multiple partners doesn't mean she was willing to give it up. 
My advise, if you will, is ditch her. He ain't, you ain't and I ain't going to transform her into a one man woman. It ain't like Burger King my man. You don't always have it your way.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

The MFM incident happened, by choice, when he was fifteen or sixteen. If grown men, like many of us, miss obvious signs in our own marriages, I am going to give a teen DATING and experimenting a break for missing what looks obvious now.

The 7 years later rugsweeping falls squarely on his shoulders.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Never let another man move in with you. Especially not when your wife asks. She wanted him there so sex would be easier for them.

File for D and get rid of her.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

TotallyConfused24 said:


> Kick the guy out? I beat his ass out of my house.


 Not only should you have kicked him out but you should have kicked her square in her naked ass and threw her out too and told him to take her with him.

My God man, you see this guy flirting with her, touching her, laying on the couch with her and she makes it out like nothing is wrong and then you come home and he's screwing your wife and she's still there? 

Tell me something. What is your breaking point? What else does this woman have to do to you for you to finally say enough and say get the hell out! My advice to you is look up the word cuckold. If you don't know what that is, ask your wife because she knows and if you ever have a threesome, don't expect to join in because your job is going to be watching and after, bringing in fresh towels so they can clean the sweat off them and don't forget the drinks. No doubt they will be might thirsty. 

Sorry for being rough on you but you have to open your eyes and see the whole picture and not see what you want to see or see what she wants you to see. Dump her man, she's a loser.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If that OM was staying with you why in the world would you think that the time you walked in on them was only the first time they did it? The way you described him previously being friendly and flirting with your wife indicates that this was going on for a period of time. If your wife told you that this was the only time then she is playing you for a fool. She did in your home. She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm just wondering, have you had access to her texts, phone calls, emails and where she is at all times since her last cheating episode? Does she go out with the girls drinking at all?


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP
well looks like the board is unanimous on what you should do. Me too. I think you should file for D right away. THEN tell her why. Otherwise you seem a bit gullible, still....afraid you might let her talk you out of it. If her reaction is shock and hurt, then You'll know she's finally getting what she had coming for a long time. Have no sympathy for her.

And yeah, posters are being too judgemental of you. being naive is not a character flaw. Being a SL_T is, and you've been with one your entire adult life. You now have no love for her. Sounds like you are no longer naive. Go forth and look forward to a better life; with a marriage with someone you can make a family with. Good luck to you OP


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

Iredhne said:


> I'm still not sure which part of your situation you are conflicted about?


:iagree:

You need to confront and get access to her phone, email, etc.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This crap is hard to get over when you old lady hasn't done a thing to validate her attempts to affair proof the marriage in the future.

I suspect her behavior at work and her GNO haven't change....she continue to behave one way when you are around and in a completely different way when you are not.

In short, you wouldn't be here if your chick behaved like you were always around ....even when your weren't!

My I suggest you quitely investigate this and get your own intel on how exactly your wife behaves when you are not around, before you make any life changing dicisions.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Get rid of this conflict and do the investigation that will either confirm or deny your wifes loyality!


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

You should definitely check out the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. You would have seen this coming a long way off. Check out No More Mr. Nice Guy as well. Use the info on your next girl. 

File for divorce, but keep insisting it's not what she thinks. Your lawyer is "just a friend". "He's just being stupid, it's nothing." 

Seriously, she had sex with him multiple times, and in your bed. She has to hate you to have such complete contempt.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I have read your thread from the start and am sorry you are here. However, here are my observations:


Your wife is a serial cheater and has been ever since you were 15-16. It is as simple as that. I do not believe that you were confident enough to want a threesome at the time whereas she had already picked out a partner. She preyed on your lack of confidence which is mean and certainly not loving.
She has continued to be a cheater whereas you have not improved in the confidence department - you are worried about supporting yourself etc - this is the REAL problem that needs to be worked on - the other problem of your wife being a cheater is easier to deal with once your own confidence has improved. Improving yourself will not only make it possible to see her very clearly for what she is, do the right things (secure your finances, kick her out & get tested for STDs) but also help you with your future relationships.

Certainly read the books being recommended here, immediately start doing the 180 (which is the greatest invention that I have come across in TAM), talk to her and tell her calmly that you now realise that she has been this cheater since day 1, that a leopard cannot change its spots, that you will not be a doormat, ask her not to pull any of that blame shifting and history rewriting crap, and that she (or you) will be going. File for D and then proceed to woo that cute girl in Japan.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Was she having an A with this guy before she moved him in? Did they have sex before he came to your home?

What are the consequences she faced for bringing her lover to your home and having sex with him right under your nose?

Why you didnt D her at that time? Why you are living this misery life still?

How is she now? Remorseful or looking for guys to bring home?

Sit with her to day and tell her how you are feeling and tell her you cant get over what she did, so you are filing for D.

She is a serial cheater, you are a young nice guy. You deserve someone better. Get out of this misery before she trap you with children.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

File for divorce. The sooner the better.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

down on his luck my fat hairy ass...she met a guy she wanted to screw and tricked you into moving him into your house...

I dont get it man...just dont get it...women do NOT respect nor are they attracted to weak-willed men...you let her walk all over you...


granted once you star talking about threesomes or foursomes, in MANY minds, it redefines the term "cheating"...you never said no to another guy, you even wanted another girl, so in her mind it changed the meaning of what cheating actually was...not defending her, she sounds manipulatice, controlling, a liar, and has little or no respect for you...

I am assuming in the last 2 years this guy is gone??? Did you kick him out after you caught them??


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I have often found that when I m feeling internal conflict and discomfort ,it's entirely because I'm ignoring what my gut is telling me.

Maybe your gut is kicking you, saying dude, she's not loyal, and she'll never be trustworthy - get out now while young and no kids, because you deserve better, and she's the one keeping you from that enter life.


Suggestion: have her take a polygraph - it might give you the final nudge you need. I thinks she has cheated more than you know.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

the guy said:


> Get rid of this conflict and do the investigation that will either confirm or deny your wifes loyality!


 Investigate? Loyalty? He sees this guy flirting with her. He sees this guy touching her. He sees this guy laying down on the couch with her. He sees the guy screwing his wife.

What is there to investigate? What's to confirm about being loyal? He's seen it all in front of him so what more is there? 

As far as investigate and loyalty. That's what he needs to find when looking for a good attorney to unload this piece of trash. I don't know what more investigating is going to do and after what she did, there is no loyalty. If anything, the only thing that is there is adultery in the first degree. Unload her now.


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