# The sex sucks so I think I might cheat



## angelstrawberry (Sep 11, 2013)

So, I been with my husband since I was 18, been married for 3 years, so 10 years total. The sex used to be good. Then we had problems and I cheated on him. We separated and now back together and the sex is terrible. I don't think its so much that I compare him to other ppl, maybe somewhat but his sex is not as good as it used to be. He asks me to do things all the time that I don't like and I do them, but I asks him to try new things and new positions (nothing crazy) and he wont do it. so I basically lay there staring at the wall. his oral sex is not good but its never been that great. yes the man I cheated with brought me to a new level but my husband could atleast try. so he is the only one who gets pleasure and I feel like I'm at my sexual peak but cant express it and it makes me mad and I dream about men all the time. If this continues I feel like I have no choice but to cheat. Not sure what to do


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Get divorced and move on and find the sex you are looking for.

But don't forget that in this process, you have harmed yourself by being unfaithful. You don't get out of jail free for that, ever. You may one day see what I mean.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

By all means, go find someone else to have sex with. After all, that's bound to make your marriage better, right?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You sound like a real catch! I'm sure there are a ton of men who would be happy to take you on as a wife.

Dear lord your poor husband!


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

If you don't have any children together, of course leave him.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Yeah no choice, poor you, "forced to cheat" I'm sure there is someone aleady in mind.

Get a divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

Well...the sex sucks cause you cheated...and your sexual prime isn't until you are well into your 30s. I guess you thought that you could come into this site and some of us would welcome you into 'cheat town'. 
Here's the thing...and this is the truth: *some of us know first hand what cheating does and how it feels, that explains all the "go get divorced" comments*. Surely you must be 'in tune' enough to know, that if sex was good before but isn't now, That's because he is very screwed up by your actions. How could he be good lover in bed after everything? You don't think he senses that you are going to make the same mistake again....?
Why on earth, and I mean this as nicely as I can say...
*did you get back with him???*


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

beachbabe said:


> Well...the sex sucks cause you cheated...and your sexual prime isn't until you are well into your 30s. I guess you thought that you could come into this site and some of us would welcome you into 'cheat town'.
> Here's the thing...and this is the truth: *some of us know first hand what cheating does and how it feels, that explains all the "go get divorced" comments*. Surely you must be 'in tune' enough to know, that if sex was good before but isn't now, That's because he is very screwed up by your actions. How could he be good lover in bed after everything? You don't think he senses that you are going to make the same mistake again....?
> Why on earth, and I mean this as nicely as I can say...
> *did you get back with him???*


Created that fantasy affair world, people have nearly given their lives, even HAVE given their lives to remain in it.


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## easy_e (Sep 11, 2013)

Do you love him?

Why don't you try communicating with him? Help him put his hand here or tongue there etc, tell him what you like....don't tell him what you don't like, that could be damaging....and...you never know, he might think you suck too. Ya never know.....are you the type to just lay there to be serviced?

Unless of course you already made up your mind that another man is the answer. How would you know that without already test driving tho?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

If you're unhappy enough to cheat, you're unhappy enough for divorce. Divorcing him will hurt him. Cheating on him (again) will hurt and humiliate him, and possibly ruin him for the next woman that comes along. Unless that's what you are wanting to do?


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Lordy, lordy. Is this poster for REAL? 

The sex sux so I'll "have to" cheat. 

As if cheating is the ONLY option. 

Let me ask you a question, OP. Is marriage supposed to be ALWAYS about _you_? Is _THAT_ why you would cheat instead of divorcing your husband first, THEN finding someone to have sex with?


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

Dirty  I feel for the poor husband in this...give him a divorce and let him find someone decent! YUK!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Some of these posts seem troll like. I mean so non- chalant and casual about their marriage. Not really giving a rats a$$
how things might effect their spouse. So if this post is real, what's stopping you from divorcing? Then you can be with who ever
whenever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

angelstrawberry said:


> Not sure what to do


Simple. Walk up to a hobo and give him $20 to punch you in the face. 

SERIOUSLY?????

You have no choice but to cheat? Oh for the love of GOD! That's like saying, "My husband's not a good cook, so I have no choice but to starve."

I love how you say you don't compare him with other people, and yet you say the man you cheated with took you to a new level. Guess what, it's hard to give it your all in bed with a woman whose been unfaithful.

Been there, done that. It took a long time for me to find my "A Game" again.

And by the way, if sex is the biggest issue for you in your marriage, you're in for a rude awakening. Because later down the road (assuming of course that your husband doesn't wise up and dump you), there WILL come a time where you are physically unable to have sex. When that happens you're going to find yourself living with a total stranger, looking at your husband across the room and saying, "Who the hell are you and how the hell did we get here?"

Your husband deserves a hell of a lot better than you're giving him. He took you back after you cheated on him. Do you know how many men are in prison because they *murdered* their wives and/or their lovers when they found out about the infidelity?

Stop thinking with your crotch and get yourself into counseling. Whether you want your husband or not, you have a pathetically skewed view of things, and you need to see someone to help you fix that.

Your views are seriously screwed up. I also suggest you get an account on that "have an affair discretely" site because somewhere out there is yet another idiot who also has no idea what the hell he has at home. You should find him. You two are made for each other. But for God's sake, use protection so the two of you don't create a new person with a double dose of Douche-bag.

I am sorry, but people like you spin me into a dimension of pissed-off I lack the vocabulary to describe. I mean if you really *want* to trade your vagina in for a catcher's mitt, I think Hibbett Sports is having a special.

Your husband is a much better man than you deserve and you're too damn stupid to see it. Good luck with your little endeavor. Hopefully it won't get you the "Member of the Month" spot at the health clinic.

Moron.


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

Oh, and just out of curiosity since I came across it, should you and "hubby" take the fantasy quiz before or after come home with your panties in your pocket?

Just wondering.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

You do have a choice, OP. Divorce and then move on. Doing it the other way round rarely has a good outcome...


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Leave your husband for the OM. Hopefully karma bites you on the ass and OM does to you what you did to your husband.


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## angelstrawberry (Sep 11, 2013)

wow. I can tell some of you must have been cheated on and are very bitter. but of course I don't want to cheat. I guess I should try harder to make the sex better and if that cant happen I just might consider divorce.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

angelstrawberry said:


> wow. I can tell some of you must have been cheated on and are very bitter. but of course I don't want to cheat. I guess I should try harder to make the sex better and if that cant happen I just might consider divorce.


How did he react when you cheated the first time? Now, before getting a reply, I'm going to assume he was devastated. Assuming that.... you would REALLY think destroying him that way would be a GOOD thing? To put it mildly... your priorities are f*cked up.


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

angelstrawberry said:


> wow. I can tell some of you must have been cheated on and are very bitter. but of course I don't want to cheat. I guess I should try harder to make the sex better and if that cant happen I just might consider divorce.


Absolutely. Marriage is all about sex, after all. Ask any couple who's made it to the 50 year mark and they'll tell ya it's all about banging each other to the best of their ability! A good pecker outscores a good heart any day!

For the love of God now you're just trying to lay out excuses for the future so you can make yourself feel better by telling that little lie that goes, "I tried to make it better!"

It's clear you don't want your husband. Quit screwing around and just divorce him already. No amount of justification is going to change the fact that you're a selfish moron who just wants to be stuffed like a turkey.

Let the poor man go before you ruin him for the next woman. At least be honest with yourself and admit that all you want is sex with other men. Not once have you mentioned anything about your relationship other than you are, for some damn unknown reason, still married. Your entire post was all about sex, and not just sex with your husband, but the man you cheated with too.

You don't want marriage, you want sex. And getting married for sex is like buying a damn 747 for free peanuts.

Divorce. Now. This isn't worth salvaging. Leave the poor man and then see whoever you want. At least then you can be an idiot in the correct order.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

From your posts I take it you have no remorse about your affair.

Do you know what emotional damage you have wrought on your husband because you decided to have an affair?

Your husband might not want to do the things that you want because he know you did them with the POS you cheated with.

Have you and him gone to counseling?

What have you done to help your husband through this time?

If the answer is no to counseling and Nothing for the second one, you might as well file right now because your husband needs to get away from you to heal.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

angelstrawberry said:


> wow. I can tell some of you must have been cheated on and are very bitter. but of course I don't want to cheat. I guess I should try harder to make the sex better and if that cant happen I just might consider divorce.


May I remind you of what you wrote in your first post on this thread? 



> If this continues I feel like *I have no choice but to cheat.* Not sure what to do


Nowhere in your first post did you even mention that divorce was even an option, let alone that it was an option *BEFORE* CHEATING. 

People on this forum have been victimized by people such as yourself who have considered cheating to be an option to an "unhappy" marriage. 

The point is, that cheating should NEVER be an option. You have a number of other options, including divorce. But cheating shouldn't be ONE OF THEM!

Didn't you learn the FIRST time you cheated that you shouldn't cheat?

Vega


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

Vega said:


> Didn't you learn the FIRST time you cheated that you shouldn't cheat?
> 
> Vega


With all due respect, I get the feeling asking the OP that question is like asking a dog, "Didn't you learn the first time that I only PRETENDED to throw the ball?"


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

angelstrawberry said:


> I guess I should try harder to make the sex better and if that cant happen I just might consider divorce.


Good plan.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

OP - Do the right thing.

D your poor husband and go get this sex you need.
I know nothing about him but I bet he deserves better than what you have to offer.

BTW I've never been cheated on. 
Just don't like cheaters...well... no-one does really do they? 
Usually least of all the cheater themselves.


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## Moulin (Jul 30, 2013)

Yes, because cheating will make your marriage sex better?


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

angelstrawberry said:


> wow. I can tell some of you must have been cheated on and are very bitter. but of course I don't want to cheat. I guess I should try harder to make the sex better and if that cant happen I just might consider divorce.


I feel like I'm on candid camera....

Sex has absolutely NOTHING to do with this! Sex , in a marriage, is a manifest or measure of HOW your relationship is doing...trying at sex is ridiculous *especially when you said that you were trying all the things he wants you to do*....*try at your marriage!!!! *

If you were a hooker and making no money...then try at sex....sheesh. I'm at a loss....sorry! :scratchhead:


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

RoninJedi said:


> With all due respect, I get the feeling asking the OP that question is like asking a dog, "Didn't you learn the first time that I only PRETENDED to throw the ball?"


Yer right, Ronin. My bad...

I _should_ have phrased the question as, "WHY did you _not_ learn in life that cheating is something that you just do *NOT* *do*?" 

Zat better?


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

Vega said:


> Yer right, Ronin. My bad...
> 
> I _should_ have phrased the question as, "WHY did you _not_ learn in life that cheating is something that you just do *NOT* *do*?"
> 
> Zat better?


Much, thank you. Makes a lot more sense now. :smthumbup:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

angelstrawberry said:


> wow. I can tell some of you must have been cheated on and are very bitter. but of course I don't want to cheat. I guess I should try harder to make the sex better and if that cant happen I just might consider divorce.


It's not about being bitter. It's about another person violating trust and loyalty at a primal level. 

You are a cheater. You will never be able to find another partner that can have complete trust in you, the kind of trust that is needed for a relationship to reach the ultimate levels of intimacy.

Sure, you can hide it, you can lie about it, but these things always have a way of coming back and biting you in the ass when you least expect it.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

strawberry

I hope you have no children, so that your husband can make a really clean break from you and not ever have to look back at your sorry cheating selfish NASTY azz

He is asking you to do all sorts of different things you don't really want to do...bahahahahaha he is getting even with you.
Hopefully he wears a condom so he doesn't get the probable STDs you potentially brought to him from the OM and ALL the people he fvcked before and during you

I am completely disgusted that you share my gender

You are the reason the good guys out there can't understand that NOT all women are like YOU

scuze me I have to wash my hands...being in yer terrible thread has made me feel dirty blech


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Unique Username said:


> strawberry
> 
> I hope you have no children, so that your husband can make a really clean break from you and not ever have to look back at your sorry cheating selfish NASTY azz
> 
> ...


Holy JUDGEMENTAL!

OP. talk to your man. Tell him what you want, teach him how to please you.
If that does not work, introduce "accessories" to your sex life.
Still nothing? See a sex therapist to get to the root of your issues.
If you are truly not compatible, remain friends and find what you need to make you happy.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

a_new_me said:


> Holy JUDGEMENTAL!
> 
> OP. talk to your man. Tell him what you want, teach him how to please you.
> If that does not work, introduce "accessories" to your sex life.
> ...


Yeah???...I think she said that she tried all 'the moves' and but it sucks! Judgement or not...*sex is NOT the issue here*. 

It is that, and I would bet money on this, has everything to do with the fact that HE WAS CHEATED ON. You can tell him to lick this, or touch that, ALL you want...BUT, He, like everyone, who's ever been cheated on; has a hell of time getting over it.

Strawberry: Skip the sex therapist and see a marriage counsellor, if you dare. The good 'sex' that you once had...will, if your lucky, will return.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

RoninJedi said:


> Simple. Walk up to a hobo and give him $20 to punch you in the face.
> 
> SERIOUSLY?????
> 
> ...


You sir, are a wordsmith. I tip my hat.


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> You sir, are a wordsmith. I tip my hat.


Thank you. 

I never know what's going to spill forth from my brain once I get on my :soapbox:


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

RoninJedi said:


> Thank you.
> 
> I never know what's going to spill forth from my brain once I get on my :soapbox:


This thread got the best of me too But I loved your first post on this! Better from a guy too; although us gals did give it a try.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

beachbabe said:


> Yeah???...I think she said that she tried all 'the moves' and but it sucks! Judgement or not...*sex is NOT the issue here*.
> 
> It is that, and I would bet money on this, has everything to do with the fact that HE WAS CHEATED ON. You can tell him to lick this, or touch that, ALL you want...BUT, He, like everyone, who's ever been cheated on; has a hell of time getting over it.
> 
> Strawberry: Skip the sex therapist and see a marriage counsellor, if you dare. The good 'sex' that you once had...will, if your lucky, will return.


Sex is always the issue.

Sex is a representation of emotional affection, and if a person is apprehensive about giving their partner pleasure, there will be a disconnect in the relationship.

Do you ever see couples on here that have mind blowing sex b!tch and complain about being cheated in? 

NO!!!!

Why? Because they have amazing partners who communicate with them and want to enjoy the pleasure and connection of making love and they are happy.


Try to fix the sex and get back the passion, or be friends.

AND. Just so everyone KNOWS, I am not saying that people who have been cheated on are bad lovers, i am just saying that they need to communicate. There is a lot of skill to mind blowing passion.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

a_new_me said:


> Sex is always the issue.
> 
> Sex is a representation of emotional affection, and if a person is apprehensive about giving their partner pleasure, there will be a disconnect in the relationship.
> 
> ...


My point exactly! Thank you...without an emotional connection, you've just got 'sex'. Sex can be great, but I think in her situation, she is expecting great sex with her husband after she cheated. Doesn't make for a good marriage. I think it has more about her attitude ABOUT sex. "If it sucks...I'm moving on". That is not good sex or a good friend.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

And one thing that she seems to overlook. The sex with OM was mind blowing or whatever superlative she used because it was illicit, wrong, forbidden and naughty.

If her husband had an affair with another woman I'm pretty sure they would report the sex as being 'mind blowing' as well.

In general, not always, obviously, your standard day to day married sex is not going to compare to the 'thrill' of the forbidden sex of an affair and it is wrong for her to compare the two.

Were she to divorce her husband I think the 'thrill' would wear off pretty soon.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> And one thing that she seems to overlook. The sex with OM was mind blowing or whatever superlative she used because it was illicit, wrong, forbidden and naughty.
> 
> If her husband had an affair with another woman I'm pretty sure they would report the sex as being 'mind blowing' as well.
> 
> ...


Which is why she is doomed, like the ghost of Christmas Past, to wander the earth in search of that illusive thrill called mind blowing illicit sex, while she misses out entirely on the meaning. 
Poor Poor dear....


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

angelstrawberry said:


> wow. I can tell some of you must have been cheated on and are very bitter. but of course I don't want to cheat. I guess I should try harder to make the sex better and if that cant happen I just might consider divorce.


I have never been cheated on and I found your post repulsive. I would suggest visiting a psychiatrist to see why you can't see beyond your own wants and needs. I feel for your husband.


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## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

i think you must ask yourself why you must cheat to enjoy sex. is it about the sex or cheating you like.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, if the sex was good before you cheated, but not good after you cheated, then you need to sit down and think really carefully about what has changed. 

Hint: it's that you cheated.

Recovering your marriage would require you and your husband to do extensive, soul-baring, difficult and painful work with the guidance of a very competent professional marriage counselor - and perhaps very competent individual counselors for each of you. On average, that work and the process of recovering a marriage takes from two to five years. If you two haven't done those steps, then the cause of your bad sex life is your bad marriage. The cause of your bad marriage (most immediately at this point) is your infidelity. The cause of your infidelity is _you_. 

So, if you want your sex life to improve, you really only have two choices. Either do the work of recovery, or divorce and try again with a different lover. Cheating again will do nothing to "save" or "protect" your marriage. If you want to stay married work on the marriage. If you want to have sex with other people, get divorced.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> I have never been cheated on and I found your post repulsive. I would suggest visiting a psychiatrist to see why you can't see beyond your own wants and needs.


Most people are selfish and take care of their own needs first. 

The more "ethical" will end the relationship before cheating however that's the minority which is why infidelity is so common. 

If everyone who cheated was to visit a psychiatrist there wouldn't be enough therapists to handle the load, and besides, that's not something you can fix with meds or talk therapy.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

The OP as well as Elvis "Has left the building"


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

rrrbbbttt said:


> The OP as well as Elvis "Has left the building"


Why do people post this nonsense?

It's been less than 24 hours since the Op logged on and posted. 

Believe it or not some people have lives outside these forums.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

johnnycomelately said:


> I have never been cheated on and I found your post repulsive. I would suggest visiting a psychiatrist to *see why you can't see beyond your own wants and needs. * I feel for your husband.


WARNING! EXTREME SARCASM TO FOLLOW...

Haven't you heard, Johnnycomelatey? She was living for _herself_! Isn't that what we're all 'supposed' to do while in a relationship? Aren't we all 'supposed' to put our own wants and needs AHEAD of anyone else?

Hmm. Last *I* heard, that was called S-E-L-F-I-S-H-N-E-S-S. 

Nowadays, it seems like not only is selfishness (while in a relationship) the 'norm', but it's also a _virtue_. *gag*


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

DIE


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

As I was perusing the TAM site, I ran across the title of this post and a flash of anger flared up inside me. As I clicked to begin reading the post, I thought to myself, hey, slow down. Maybe the poster has a really good story on why the post was titled the way it was. Maybe it was going to be some sort of clever metaphor for a complicated problem that needed some thoughtful input. Maybe it was meant to be sarcastic.

NOPE!

After reading the initial post, I knew that this was another case of the modern, selfish, all-about-me mentality toward relationships. The OP's attitude and previous actions exemplify where modern marriage has devolved. What's really sad, is that I'm sure that when OP began reading the responses, she was shocked and surprised that people were reacting the way they were. After all, all she was doing was following her own desires. She was just looking out for number 1 and doing what makes her feel happy regardless of how her actions have and will affect her "loved" ones. That's what you're supposed to do today, right? Follow your heart. Damn commitment. If it feels good, do it. Marriage vows? Yeah, right....but I can't get multiple orgasms......so it's okay if I break my vows, right?
I'm sure that when the OP originally posted, there was no expectation that she was going to be called selfish and castigated for being a person with no scruples. I'm willing to bet that her girlfriends and female relatives are all cheering her on. "You deserve hot sex! If hubby can't provide it, get it where you can!" 
I'm pretty sure that the OP is not coming back to this thread. She walked into a room where she thought she was going to get reassuring comments and "atta girls" for standing up for her rights to great sex. The fact that she came into a room where people began throwing beer bottles and rotten fruit (metaphorically speaking of course) surprised the living hell out of her. And that is a sad commentary.


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

I’m married to a woman who cheated on me. I’m sure she isn’t thrilled with her sex life now, as we’ve had sex five times in the last year. She says 6, but I don’t remember that one because I’d had 4 martinis before she got home that night. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

Sex isn’t that great for me, either. The wonder of sex is about 90%wrapped up in the emotional bonding, which isn’t happening, and isn’t wanted. The best sex I have nowadays is in the shower after my wife has left for work.

Once you brought in a squatter, the real estate just ain’t as valuable anymore. It leads one to curtail their investment in the property.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

angelstrawberry said:


> yes the man I cheated with brought me to a new level but my husband could at least try.


So your husband took you back after you cheated on him? But he needed to be a better lover to keep you from cheating again? 

Okay, why not just tell him that. Why see what he says. Maybe he is not crazy about how good you are in bed. Or here is a novel idea, try working on your marriage and see if you can not get him and yourself on a level where the love making is fun for both of you.

But if that does not work, just end the marriage. Cheating never ends up good for either person.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Code-Welder said:


> Or here is a novel idea, *try working on your marriage* and see if you can not get him and yourself on a level where the love making is fun for both.


In all honesty, I think the OP needs to work on _herself *first*_ before she can work on her marriage. 

After all, isn't her own _selfishness_ what got her into this mess in the first place?

Vega


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Vega said:


> In all honesty, I think the OP needs to work on _herself *first*_ before she can work on her marriage.
> 
> After all, isn't her own _selfishness_ what got her into this mess in the first place?
> 
> Vega


Most likely, but we are only reading one side of the story. There are always at least two sides to every story. It would be interesting to hear his side of the relationship, right?


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## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

angelstrawberry said:


> I cheated on him. We separated and now back together and the sex is terrible. ... If this continues I feel like I have no choice but to cheat. Not sure what to do


OK. My apologies to all of the betrayed spouses here on TAM. Lately I've been very frustrated with the frequency of bitter posts that paint all WSs as horrible, irredeemable people who can never change. From my own experience and from reading other WSs here on TAM I know that's not true. I know remorse, reformation, reconciliation, and lasting change does happen and it makes me sad when posters automatically dismiss that possibility every time. Then I read this chick's post and I understand where y'all are coming from.

I'm so grateful that my wife has given me a second chance that I would gladly give up sex altogether if that's what it took to just be with her. The idea of trashing everything (a second time) just because the BS's oral skills don't exceed expectations is completely incomprehensible to me. I don't get the OP at all.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Code-Welder said:


> Most likely, but we are only reading one side of the story. There are always at least two sides to every story. It would be interesting to hear his side of the relationship, right?


Sure. But while it might be "interesting", it doesn't change the fact the OP has some obvious work to do on _*herself*_.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> *So your husband took you back after you cheated on him? But he needed to be a better lover to keep you from cheating again?*
> 
> Okay, why not just tell him that. Why see what he says. Maybe he is not crazy about how good you are in bed. Or here is a novel idea, try working on your marriage and see if you can not get him and yourself on a level where the love making is fun for both of you.
> 
> But if that does not work, just end the marriage. Cheating never ends up good for either person.


Love the way you framed that. Sounds absurd, right?

I don't understand why she just doesn't get divorced. Her poor husband.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Of course your sex sucks, you cheated. What did you expect? A magical moment?

Get divorced.:/


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Vega said:


> Sure. But while it might be "interesting", it doesn't change the fact the OP has some obvious work to do on _*herself*_.


I do not recall saying she did not need help. What she did was wrong. She could be the total problem or there could be underlying conditions that she has yet to express. 

Like I said there are always 2 sides to every story.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ScrewedEverything said:


> OK. My apologies to all of the betrayed spouses here on TAM. Lately I've been very frustrated with the frequency of bitter posts that paint all WSs as horrible, irredeemable people who can never change. From my own experience and from reading other WSs here on TAM I know that's not true. I know remorse, reformation, reconciliation, and lasting change does happen and it makes me sad when posters automatically dismiss that possibility every time. Then I read this chick's post and I understand where y'all are coming from.
> 
> I'm so grateful that my wife has given me a second chance that I would gladly give up sex altogether if that's what it took to just be with her. The idea of trashing everything (a second time) just because the BS's oral skills don't exceed expectations is completely incomprehensible to me. I don't get the OP at all.


this girl has cheated once and instead of being honest with her husband by saying I am not satisfyed with our sex she is deciding to cheat again. or at the very least thinking about it.

doesn't sound like she is sorry and trying to get her marriage back on track it sounds like she feels entitled to what ever the hell she wants.

now maybe just maybe if she came here and said I cheated and I feel horrible about it and want to save my marriage but there seems to be a problem with our sex life how can we overcome this. that might be a different story. but instead she pinning for her former love who was better at sex than her husband that she stomped hie heart into the ground and then she has an attitude that she thinks she should maybe cheat again.


this girl is broken and not worth the time of day.

If your still looking at these posts. start a new life style where you tyr to be a good person and realise that you don't love your husband and get a divorce.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm thinking maybe the BH of the OP isn't putting the effort into her sexually anymore because he finds himself far less attracted and passionate towards her after she chose to cheat on him.

You know how you work hard to keep your car clean and in great shape, but no so much after its had a bunch of collision damage? 

Oh, you'll still drive it, but you'll never be passionate about it again.


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

Geeze, there is an awful lot of venom in this thread. Triggering anyone?

That being said, OP, you need to do some soul searching on what it is you expect out of a relationship. For some, good sex may be on the list. You do need to give it some thought though. And once you figure it out, _talk_ to your spouse about it. Even if it means divorce or trying to make things work.

A really good book that I found very useful was "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship" by Mira Kirshenbaum. It helped me look at the core relationship and figure out what it is I wanted, and evaluate my situation.

Hope you find your way,
-M


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