# what is respect



## muguremaina (Aug 20, 2014)

i want to know what or how do men define respect. when a man says you dont respect me. is respect similar to all men, is feeling needed termed as respect? coz my guy says i dont tell him what i want to do i tell him after i have done and calls it disrespectful, when he tells me to do something and with all logical reasons i did not succeed he calls it disrespectful...


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Doesn't sound all that disrespectful to me. It sounds more like he wants to control you.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

For me, respect has a lot to do with feeling like you have voice. It's not control, it's having an influence because this other person respects you and trust you enough to want to know what you think and listens to your council. 

Basically, if you have a problem and need advice, you go ask for help from the ones you respect the most or those it might impact.

So I sort of need more information. If you went out and bought a new car for instance without talking to your husband... um... that's much different than re-arranging the living room.

Edit; Oh, it also gets into your real ‘why’ you didn’t ask his opinion. If it’s because you felt he’d say no and just didn’t want him to change your mind, that’s an avoidance issue you have. It’s not a solution. So if it’s a spending or money thing (common issue), efforts should probably be made into setting ground rules or setting aside personal slush funds you don’t need to talk to each other about.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

muguremaina said:


> i want to know what or how do men define respect. when a man says you dont respect me. is respect similar to all men, is feeling needed termed as respect? coz my guy says i dont tell him what i want to do i tell him after i have done and calls it disrespectful, when he tells me to do something and with all logical reasons i did not succeed he calls it disrespectful...



Seems like you and your guy's communication dynamic is out of sync.

Effective communication especially about reasonable expectations is the problem here.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Defining respect is going to be difficult because most men will define that differently yet it seems an almost universal thing we want.

For your guy it sounds like you are making decisions that affect him without first consulting him. If that is the case what he is saying is that he would like to be consulted first. I also would find that very disprespectful


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me

(just a little bit)


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

*Howdy Mugure:*
In my book respect really boils down to a very simple Judeo/Christian expression:


​*“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”*

otherwise known as the Golden Rule. And while I cite the two mainstream Western religions this notion is found in virtually all religious doctrine and the concept can be equally explained from the perspective of psychology, philosophy, sociology and the law.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

SpinDaddy said:


> *Howdy Mugure:*
> In my book respect really boils down to a very simple Judeo/Christian expression:
> 
> 
> ...


This. Can't be much more straightforward. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Sounds more like asking permission than respect, besides respect has so many different applications it is not so easy to define.

Respect can be given in some places and has to be earned in others.

IMO those that complain about not getting respect very seldom give respect


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Respect is tricky to define. I consider respect to be when you value someone else's opinions and thoughts because you believe that they have something important to offer. 

Sometimes this is confused with fear, where you listen to someone because you are afraid of what they will do if you don't listen. 

They are not the same thing. When you respect someone you are listing for YOUR sake, when you fear, you are listening because they are forcing you to do so.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Well, I would say respect is regarding others feelings, as well as your own, showing interest in things someone says instead of ignoring them, showing you appreciate the things they do for you.

Not treating someone like they're nothing....

I have a hard time explaining.... But i think i am very respectful


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## muguremaina (Aug 20, 2014)

thanks a million guys its more than clear now your the best, so in summary respect entail do unto other what u like them to do to you.
and always seek their opinion on almost everything this way they feel you respect what they have bring on table.
thanks so much your the best its clear may not write it as i got it .


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I know this is in the mens forum, but here are a few definitions I've learned from the important men in my life (in the ways I learned they liked to be shown respect):

My late father: Accepting people for who they are, not what you want or wish them to be.

My ex h: Agreeing with what he says when it's clear he is the subject matter expert; deferring to his expertise and superior intellect and trusting his decisions, then supporting them.

My ex, ex bf: Fairness in all situations (or as much as is possible), reluctance to place judgement until all sides of an issue are understood.

My ex bf: Enthusiastically backing an idea and pouring creative juices on it, especially when it is grandiose and somewhat unrealistic.


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