# Dressing up



## Lisa36 (Oct 16, 2014)

Hi,
I wonder if anyone could give me some advice. Im 35, married with 2 young children. After the kids were born, i must admit i was very pre-occupied and busy but we continued to have a normal sex life. But in the last couple of years my husband keeps pressing me to buy and wear more and more sexy clothes. I always like to look nice but he seems to want me to look either much younger or more ****ty than is fitting for my age. If we are ever out shopping he is pushing me to buy very short skirts and thin blouses and then gets me to wear them when we go out.

I am happy to wear anything he wants in the bedroom, but being out and having people look at me is so embaressing. I know what other women are thinking and I certainly know what men are thinking!! He seems to want me to almost look like a prostitute! I particularly hate it when I am with people I know as they will often make comments that I have to laugh off.

I have tried talking to him but he seems to think that I should try to look like I did 15 years ago and not dress my age.

Im not sure if you can help, but any suggestions would be appreciated.

Love Lisa


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Could you talk to your husband and come to some sort of agreement on this. Surely when you both go out, he will want his wife to looks classy and elegant. You could buy some ****ty looking clothes for playtime in the bedroom and that would be the "dirty little secret" that the two of you have. You can carry on going out looking great (and without the embarrassment of feeling like mutton dressed as lamb), you husband should feel great with such a fabulous and elegant looking woman on his arm and he'll know that in the bedroom you can look as sexy as he wants.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Lisa36 said:


> Hi,
> ...being out and having people look at me is so embaressing. I know what other women are thinking and I certainly know what men are thinking!!
> 
> ...I particularly hate it when I am with people I know as they will often make comments that I have to laugh off.


Why in the world would you wear age-inappropriate clothing that you're uncomfortable in? :scratchhead:

Him WANTING you to wear these clothes, and you ACTUALLY wearing them are two entirely different matters.

No way should you be forced to go out in public feeling embarrassed about your wardrobe. You need to create firm boundaries on this -- it's your body and your reputation on the line. 

There are plenty of cute, sexy clothing choices that are not sl*tty. Put your foot down, and throw out all the prostitute clothing now. Don't buy any more of it either. He needs to get over it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I ran into this issue with my ex-husband during our marriage. I finally realized that what he was getting off on wasn't just me looking slvtty, although he did seem to really enjoy having other men's overtly sexual attention directed at his wife. What was _really_ doing it for him was my embarrassment and discomfort. He liked seeing me feel self-conscious and slightly humiliated, and knowing that he'd caused it. All in all, I found it to be a vaguely predatory and completely icky-feeling scenario that I really did not enjoy. 

How is the rest of your marriage? Do you feel like your husband respects you? He seems dismissive of your concerns about this, so do you suspect that part of what he's enjoying is your discomfort? In any case, you need to simply stop acceding to his wishes on this. Yes, doing things to please your partner is part of being a good wife. But you don't need to do things that make you feel devalued and humiliated just to make him happy, unless that's also your particular kink.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Rowan has some good points and if this is the case, gotta have a chat. 

But in general, if that's what your husband is asking you to do to spice things up between you sexually, really, why not? Who cares what other people think when you go out?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

i too am in your husband's camp. He is trying to keep the sexual sparks alive in the marriage, even though you have been married a long time. I would go along with this for sure. You do not have to look like a hooker! But a little cleavage showing, maybe a skirt with a slit that goes up daringly high, thigh high stockings, sexy panties and bra. Even consider going braless once in a while...men love to see things poking thru!

You might erroneously think he is doing this only for him, or that he thinks you do not look pretty. But quite the contrary--he wants you to feel sexy and kinky, wants to give you higher or renewed sexual interest, and the clothing stuff is just the trappings of a fun-filled turn to your marriage. 

BTW, it is perfectly fair to insist that HE also wear sexy stuff, a nice cologne, throw out the tightie-whities.


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## ILuvTheDesserts (Aug 29, 2014)

You wearing short skirts , open blouses or whatever your husband deems " sexy " will obviously make you feel uncomfortable and that alone will not make you sexy ?? 

Maybe in his eyes it would but I dont understand why your husband would put you in a position to feel that way ?? Maybe clothes or lingerie behind closed doors would be more appropriate but he needs to respect your feelings. 

If you do want to make him somewhat happy and dress perhaps more proactively why not go on a weekend getaway to another city where you will not know anyone and be more comfortable ?? Done this way it can add spark to the intimacy and some time away together is needed and can be " fun " !


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

How about a compromise? You dress up like Catholic School Girl if he agrees to go out with you wearing his Spiderman tights.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> if he agrees to go out with you wearing his Spiderman tights.


i would go with Lederhosen! 

Or maybe a Viking warrior look.

Leather kilt, full regimental style, is good too.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Sexy doesn't necessarily mean ****ty and sexy can also be age appropriate. I'm in my fifties and went out last night wearing jeans, a plunge bra and a slightly low cut top. I don't wear much make up but what I wore looked good and I could see in the eyes of other men that they appreciated what I looked like. That made me feel good, sexy, confident and attractive for a change. I very much enjoyed it.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Lisa:

your good sense on this is right on. in the bedroom..maybe, or sure thing. In public, no.
try this - next time he asks you on wearing this stuff in public, just say "no." if he persists say "nope. no chance at all." if he persists more say "debate over"


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

doobie said:


> Sexy doesn't necessarily mean ****ty and sexy can also be age appropriate. I'm in my fifties and went out last night wearing jeans, a plunge bra and a slightly low cut top. I don't wear much make up but what I wore looked good and I could see in the eyes of other men that they appreciated what I looked like. That made me feel good, sexy, confident and attractive for a change. I very much enjoyed it.


You GO girl!! Rock that outfit...

:iagree: A pair of leggings, cute boots and a cute tunic top -- maybe a little low cut for hubby's eyes -- is a respectable outfit for a woman your age.

Why does he want mini-skirts (age 20 and under), see-through tops, stiletto heels, and heavy makeup? (Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a little? ) 

I think HE might be having a mid-life crisis...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

doobie said:


> Sexy doesn't necessarily mean ****ty and sexy can also be age appropriate. I'm in my fifties and went out last night wearing jeans, a plunge bra and a slightly low cut top. I don't wear much make up but what I wore looked good and I could see in the eyes of other men that they appreciated what I looked like. That made me feel good, sexy, confident and attractive for a change. I very much enjoyed it.



My wife's cruise, vacation, or entertaining outfits are in the same spirit... Or more revealing even. And she enjoys it as well. 

Not to mention her cycling outfits


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

doobie said:


> Sexy doesn't necessarily mean ****ty and sexy can also be age appropriate. I'm in my fifties and went out last night wearing jeans, a plunge bra and a slightly low cut top. I don't wear much make up but what I wore looked good and I could see in the eyes of other men that they appreciated what I looked like. That made me feel good, sexy, confident and attractive for a change. I very much enjoyed it.


I totally agree. You can have a nice classic look but still by sexy. Sometimes I wear a dress that's right above the knee with a pair of boots for a sexy look.

ETA: Short skirts are ridiculously uncomfortable to wear. You're always pulling them down and making sure nothing is showing. It's a pain.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> ETA: Short skirts are ridiculously uncomfortable to wear. You're always pulling them down and making sure nothing is showing. It's a pain.


And letting a little of the panties to show is bad for what reason??


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

firebelly1 said:


> Rowan has some good points and if this is the case, gotta have a chat.
> 
> But in general, if that's what your husband is asking you to do to spice things up between you sexually, really, why not? Who cares what other people think when you go out?


Apparently she cares. Not everybody likes to be center of attention like this.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm 52 and I dress more sexy now than I did in my 20's. 

One person's sexy is another person's hooker wear. 

Stretch you comfort zone a little bit here and there. Maybe a super short skirt with a modest top? Maybe regular jeans with a very low cut top or sheer blouse and black lace bra? Stretch it just a little here and there.

It's very freeing when you can buy and wear something overtly sexual AND feel good about it!

Where is the rule that says older people can't be or dress sexy?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Nordstrom Rack is your friend ... We used to have more choices (Filene's Basement, Loehmanns...) but nowadays only the Rack, sigh.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> If we are ever out shopping he is pushing me to buy very short skirts and thin blouses and then gets me to wear them when we go out.


Is there a reason you do not say no? How does he "get you to wear them"?

Clothing is a personal choice, and you have a right to say no to the clothing that makes you uncomfortable and embarrassed. Really, you do have that right.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

murphy5 said:


> And letting a little of the panties to show is bad for what reason??


Seriously? 

Women get harassed while walking around wearing Michelin man down coats. Showing panties is hardly a good idea.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I'm 52 and I dress more sexy now than I did in my 20's.
> 
> One person's sexy is another person's hooker wear.
> 
> ...


May I ask why you say that? 

I dress a lot more skimpy and sexy when we're on tropical vacations, but it doesn't really do anything for me like feeling free or sexier in some way. It's just keeps me cool. 

What if you don't feel repressed but are just not interested in showing the goods to strangers in public?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

norajane said:


> May I ask why you say that?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Because no longer accepting that sex, sexuality, or being a sexual female is something I have to hide, excuse, or explain means that I feel good about dressing sexy particularly when I'm with my H.

I'm not going to slvt shame myself by avoiding overtly sexualized clothing. And no, I don't show the goods in public but I don't hide them either.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

We go on a cruise every year or two and I never cease to be amazed about how many women over 50 look so good and dress the part. Slvtty? No. Revealing? Yes? Suggestive? Yes. Classy? Danmed Yes. That's the whole idea.

Now granted it's not a random sample (people who cruise) but if you travel on a decent line you will be amazed to see what is possible at that age.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

john117 said:


> We go on a cruise every year or two and I never cease to be amazed about how many women over 50 look so good and dress the part. Slvtty? No. Revealing? Yes? Suggestive? Yes. Classy? Danmed Yes. That's the whole idea.
> 
> Now granted it's not a random sample (people who cruise) but if you travel on a decent line you will be amazed to see what is possible at that age.


I'm glad you posted that John. The new Viagara add reinforces the notion that older women, who are now totally comfortable with their sexuality, rock!

VIAGRA® (sildenafil citrate) TV Commercial | Safety Info

That woman, who is as sexy as sexy gets without coming off as cheap, is probably in her late 40's, maybe older considering the effects of good cosmetics.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I know I'm probably the odd one but I find it odd a man choosing his wife's clothing. I can appreciate or not appreciate what my partner chooses do wear but I would never deign to choose her wardrobe. Hell I can only tell if an outfit looks good or doesn't. I would have no idea how to put it together. 

I know of a young couple where he chooses all his wife's bra's. It comes across as very controlling to me. For myself I can't even imagine being in the bra store going through the racks trying to find just the right one for her....yikes.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

As a design expert my family relies on my eye for design when they pick clothes


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I know of a young couple where he chooses all his wife's bra's. It comes across as very controlling to me. .


that is odd behavior. Yet, i can understand "misplacing" all of her granny panties one day...kind of sends a message.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

norajane said:


> Seriously?
> 
> Women get harassed while walking around wearing Michelin man down coats. Showing panties is hardly a good idea.


well, obviously that behavior is not for YOU. But plenty of flirtatious hot older women love to tease men. Wear a plunging blouse and bend over a little just at the right moment....


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

john117 said:


> We go on a cruise every year or two and I never cease to be amazed about how many women over 50 look so good and dress the part. Slvtty? No. Revealing? Yes? Suggestive? Yes. Classy? Danmed Yes. That's the whole idea.
> 
> Now granted it's not a random sample (people who cruise) but if you travel on a decent line you will be amazed to see what is possible at that age.


You take your wife on cruises? Why on earth would you do that? Why not just go yourself, or take your daughters? Leave the stick in the mud at home by herself. She won't even notice, and you'll have a lot more fun.


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## Howlingmad (Oct 23, 2014)

You are the same age as my wife. I like the idea of her dressing up sexy and the same idea as your husband. It might just be a turn on he enjoys having other guys looking at you. 

Since you already talked to him about it and that has not helped, maybe find something you feel comfortable in and yet kinda what he likes.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You take your wife on cruises? Why on earth would you do that? Why not just go yourself, or take your daughters? Leave the stick in the mud at home by herself. She won't even notice, and you'll have a lot more fun.



Well, there's always the chance that she will have one too many (weak) drinks and forget to return to the ship


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

john117 said:


> Well, there's always the chance that she will have one too many (weak) drinks and forget to return to the ship


That's exactly why I won't go on a big cruise ship! Neurotic intrusive crazy fear...but it's there just the same. And I'm a great swimmer!


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