# He's seeing someone else now..but I still love him



## Twins (Jun 26, 2012)

First, we are not married and no children, but we are not young adults and were together a long time. I think this is relavent. 

After 7 years and some signs I missed, it finally came crashing down on me when my BF told me he met someone else. We had our issues. Probably more than most, but we always got through. 

I think our biggest issues were communication, expectations, some trust and just different backgrounds. Oh and age. I'm 15 years older then him. I had 2 kids from previous marriage and we couldn't have any. But we stayed together for years after. Then he bought a house on a farm without talking to me about it first. I didn't grow up on a farm. It was really hard for me. So there was resentment from it, but it seemed like we got over that. But then things started to go downhill and we fought. It was hard living in two separate homes after we had lived together. He moved to his house all the way and we even tried to keep it together after that. So we lived together and then we didn't. But we always seemed to get back. 

Anyway, last summer he needed space and I didn't understand what was going on and I got upset about it. I think because we fought over the farm and I felt that I wasn't a priority. No time for us. Same arguments. 

After almost 4 months of him being confused and not knowing what he wanted, I was upset and said okay, I guess I'll move on. I was so upset and rejected and my friends told me to go online and talk to people just to pick my self esteem up. I met a nice guy and made plans to meet for a beer. Well my BF called and told me he was thinking about us and said maybe we could go to dinner and I wasn't sure what was going on. I was so confused. But I had plans to meet that guy for beer the next day. I should have cancelled right then and there but I was kind of mad still about how he made me feel all summer. On the way to the bar, my ex? bf called and wanted to know what I was doing and I lied and told him I was shopping. I felt so horrible and guilty, even though we really weren't together and left and didn't even finish beer. Anyway, a coworker saw me and told him. The next day he was devastated and I told him the truth and said it was just a beer. But from that day on it was downhill. Well, we were on and off for months after and I was so unhappy because I felt like I was being used. He would come over have sex and then not be emotionally there. He couldn't get over the lie. It was horrible. He had been in counseling since the summer when he needed space. All I heard was that I lied and he can't trust me and didn't know if he could ever trust me. Well, I stepped back and gave him space. I apologized for months over that beer. Then around his birthday in spring of this year, the boys and I brought him a gift. I igot emotional and told him I still loved him and always would and he said me too. But then, he told me he was going to go away for the weekend alone. Well he didn't go and went out to club and his cousins wedding. Two days later, he told me he met someone and that he just wanted to stay friends. I did all the wrong things, cried, pleaded, txted, etc. We had one last day together and we told each other we loved each other and that 3 months ago. I had asked him back then if he loved her and he said no that he just started to talk to her. He told me because he didn't want what happened to him happen to me. Well, either way, it sucks. 

Anyway after that I said that I didn't want him to give me false hope. I asked if he was dating her and he said, I wouldn't call it dating. Well, two months goes by (and we are LC) and I find out she is at his house and they are at outings, etc. So I called him and asked why he lied and he said I didn't lie. I said you told me you were not dating her and he said no what I said was that I wouldn't call it dating. Well, to me it looks like dating. She met your family, you only want to be friends with me and you are doing things with her and her kids. Looks like dating. He said he was sorry. Well, the call ended bad and I hated the way we left it. After I calmed down I asked to meet to clear up some things. I hadn't seen him in two months. 

He didn't say he would not meet me and he never NOT returned my calls or said to not call him anymore. He called me a few times as well just to talk. He stopped by 16 days ago and we talked. I had not seen him in two months. I asked again if he loved this girl and he said emphatically NO. I said are you happy and he said he didn't know what he was. I told him I loved him enough that I wanted him to be happy. That I would never talk bad around town about him. We talked about other stuff, laughed and we flirted some. He hugged and and gave me a kiss (nothing passionate, just a loving kiss). I felt his love still. He asked me if I was dating anyone. I told him no. 

So summary. He stopped by on his way home, said he wasn't in love with this girl, wasn't sure how he felt and hugged and kissed me. Oh and needed to use the bathroom and went straight to our old bedroom bathroom. I guess out of habit. I haven't called him since. He noticed I lost a lot of weight. I'm down to like 122 lbs. He told me I was still hot. 

I am still crying everyday. Love him to pieces and want to be hopeful but I know I need to be realistic too. I'm trying to move on and it is just so hard. I miss him so much. I can't eat, sleep. I'm reading everything and I'm reading all the blogs and its depressing. I love him and want him to be happy but not with her. I even told him I didn't think I could do the friend thing. 

The kicker is this girl is just like him. She is farm girl. Does all the things he likes. Bail hay, hunts, cows, the whole nine yards. Polar opposite of me. I'm girly girl with corporate job, nice car, pay all my own bills, love the beach (he hates the beach). HAH. Go figure.

He has guns he gave my boys and is hanging onto them. Not sure what his intentions on those guns are if anything. 

How do I get past this? If I hear stay busy one more time, I'm going to scream. I know!!!! Find hobbies, family, friends, but the problem is I have no family here, few friends (they were all his friends) and my job is isolating. It is horrible. 

I'm heading to shore for vacation for few days. Hoping to feel better. 

I can't help but FEEL that we will have one more chance. I'm not saying soon, but sometime. If he said he loved her, it would be easier, but since he said he doesn't and I was getting mixed signals from him, I feel I'm hanging on. Ugh. 

Sorry so long.

Advice Please!!!!! 
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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

listen from what you have said it was doomed from the start. i can't really give advice on that but you should break contact with him. take up a hobby, go out, find new friends, and move on. 
how old was he when you met him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Twins (Jun 26, 2012)

He was 29. You think it was the age and baby thing? We went to fertility and we were going to go through with IVF and I had beautiful donor and it was all so very possible. It took me a year to get through it and he cancelled the night before. But that was 5 years ago. We got through all of that. He was the one who kept saying I would outlive him anyway. He has rough lifestyle. I take care of myself. We didn't look that far apart. Really. I think it would have ended much sooner.


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## Twins (Jun 26, 2012)

This girl is 36. SHe has 19 year old, 16 year old and 12 year old. Married 2x. Not sure she is having more either. All her kids from first marriage and the 2nd marriage of 7 years didn't have any kids with him.


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