# Too Young



## williamd23 (Nov 5, 2011)

My mother just recently mentioned that I may have gotten married to early in my life and that is why I am not faithful to my wife but she is the same age as me so what does this mean?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It just means you're both young and silly, like me and my wife.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

williamd23 said:


> My mother just recently mentioned that I may have gotten married to early in my life and that is why I am not faithful to my wife but she is the same age as me so what does this mean?


There are people way older than you who still cheat, so age in my book on that is just a number. However, you are probably young in the sense that you are still immature and not making the best choices right now. With marriage comes commitment, respect, responsibility, love, faithfulness and a bunch of other things. You may just not be ready for any of that yet.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Sounds like your mom cannot see you for who you really are, because she is your mom.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

It is certainly possible (and unfortunately quite common) to get married too young. Age and maturity are in fact connected, though many people like to claim that they have one without the other. 

If you are very young, married, and cheating, yes it's certainly possible that your age is playing a role in your infidelity. Whether that's because you made a commitment you weren't ready for, or because you made a stupid decision because you lack mature decision-making capabilities, or ... (fill in the blank) these things can happen at any age, but certainly being young helps.

The fact that your wife is the same age as you has nothing to do with this issue. Not all young people cheat, obviously, if you're asking why your age should matter if only the one of you cheated. Otherwise, I don't understand what her age has to do with you question.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Age has nothing to do with cheating, character does.


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## ncooke (Nov 4, 2011)

williamd23 said:


> My mother just recently mentioned that I may have gotten married to early in my life and that is why I am not faithful to my wife but she is the same age as me so what does this mean?


How old were you when you got married? How old now?

Age, statistically, has an impact on infidelity. The younger you are, the more emotionally immature you probably are, and the more opportunities for infidelity you'll have. It's just one of a pile of reasons not to get married too young.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Age has nothing to do with cheating, character does.


Age has much to do with maturity & maturity often has much to do with character.

So to some extent they can often be correlated.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

tacoma said:


> Age has much to do with maturity & maturity often has much to do with character.
> 
> So to some extent they can often be correlated.


Everybody knows right from wrong at about the age of 8 or even younger. If you are old enough to marry and old enough to produce a child, you are old enough to know cheating is wrong. It has EVERYTHING to do with character.


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## williamd23 (Nov 5, 2011)

ncooke said:


> How old were you when you got married? How old now?
> 
> Age, statistically, has an impact on infidelity. The younger you are, the more emotionally immature you probably are, and the more opportunities for infidelity you'll have. It's just one of a pile of reasons not to get married too young.


I was 22 when we got married and turned 23 7 months later.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Sounds like you share too much data with your mom.


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## ncooke (Nov 4, 2011)

williamd23 said:


> I was 22 when we got married and turned 23 7 months later.


So - you're cheating on your wife inside the first year of marriage?

You're both too young and much, much too stupid/inconsiderate to be married.

Also tell your Mom less of your personal business.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

williamd23 said:


> My mother just recently mentioned that I may have gotten married to early in my life and that is why I am not faithful to my wife but she is the same age as me so what does this mean?


It means you're a Momma's boy who makes bad choices and your Mom is using your age as your excuse because she is your Mom. Unless you're 13, it's nothing more than an excuse. Your cheating is more a reflection of your character than it is your age.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Your name would not happen to be Norman Bates, would it?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Everybody knows right from wrong at about the age of 8 or even younger. If you are old enough to marry and old enough to produce a child, you are old enough to know cheating is wrong. It has EVERYTHING to do with character.


You aren`t seriously telling me that a 17 year old has the same emotional/mental (read character) acuity that a 30 year old does.

You know better brighteyes.



> The brain is still developing during the teen years Dr. Jay Giedd of the NIMH has reported that brain “maturation does not stop at age 10, but continues into the teen years and even into the 20’s.
> 
> http://www.actforyouth.net/resources/rf/rf_brain_0502.pdf


You cannot expect the same ethical "Character" from a 20 year old that you do from a 30 year old.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> We're developing all our lives but what a 17 year old DOES know is that it is wrong to cheat on your spouse.


Yes they know it`s wrong just as a 5 year old knows it`s wrong to run into the street yet they`ll do it if you aren`t watching them.

It`s not that they don`t know it`s that they don`t have the mental acuity to understand the consequences of their actions and teenagers lack empathy for the same reason.

Read the study I posted above it`s very interesting.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> A 17 year old who doesn't have the mental acuity to understand the consequences of cheating should probably not be getting married in the first place.


I`m of the opinion that no 17 year old should be getting married.

The divorce stats seem to agree with me.

Those who marry before their twenties are twice as likely to divorce as those who married in their twenties.
Those who marry prior to their mid twenties are 30% more likely to divorce than those who marry in their late twenties.

It seems the older you are when you marry the less likely you are to divorce.

There are other factors besides "Character" that are responsible for this such as available resources but the lack of developed mental acuity is a harsh influence.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> I'm aware of the statistics but statistics are a generalization and don't cover every person. I know marriages that started in the teens that have lasted and others where the couple were older that didn't last long. I prefer to look at the individual.


Yes of course statistics are a generalization but they are an objective generalization.

If 60% of 20 year olds are getting divorced in the first 5 years of marriage while only 40% of 30 year olds are getting divorced in the first 5 years of marriage it`s wise to find some evidence for the correlation.

This evidence has been found in numerous studies relating to the the maturity of neural connections in brain function as well as numerous social/economic stressors faced by younger people.

To ignore these facts is asking for trouble.

I can state with some certainty that if I had married in my twenties I would not be married today as I simply wasn`t ready for it.
Niether are most twentysomethings.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

tacoma said:


> You aren`t seriously telling me that a 17 year old has the same emotional/mental (read character) acuity that a 30 year old does.
> 
> You know better brighteyes.
> 
> ...


Then if you aren't fully formed enough to understand the consequences of your actions, you have no right to get married and bring a child in to this world. Citing age is just ridiculous. You were "old enough" to marry and procreate but not "old enough" to know cheating and lying is a no no? Come on.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

We got married at 16 & 17 because she was pregnant. We are still together 39 years later and there has never been any cheating. I know the statistics were not in our favor, but there is more to it than age.


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