# I am 8 months pregnant and my husband has been abusing me and cheating on me.



## misscwick (Dec 10, 2011)

To make a very long story a little shorter..
My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years.
I found out I was pregnant in May, and by June he left me, moved out of our apartment, and back in with his parents. He told me he wants absolutely nothing to do with the baby. I within 3 months couldn't afford the apartment on my own, and had to move in with my mom. 
I have tried so many times talking to him and doing everything i can for this man, and he just treats me like total garbage! all he does is goes out with his friends almost every night and drinks and does drugs. 
When I was 5 months pregnant I went over to his parents where he is living because he was trying to sell my only car out from under me, and he punched me in my face and squished me in the door with the knob into my stomach.
He was arrested, but after his smooth talking to me and he told me that he would stop partying and that it was my fault that he hurt me because he was sleeping off a hangover, and that he would start acting better... I did as he asked and didn't show up to court, so the charges were dropped.
Immediately after that, he was back to doing everything just to hurt me! He called our cell phone company and put a lock on the account and has been shutting off my cell phone almost twice a week. And the only way he will turn it back on is if I give him my prescription pain killers and drive all the way to his house to bring them to him.
Then about 2 months ago, I found out he has been cheating on me with his ex. And that she was even at all the family holiday parties with him.
The stress is absolutely killing me! I feel so alone and hurt! And I just can't stop crying... I just can't see how someone I loved so much could want to hurt me so badly. If I wasn't pregnant with our child it wouldn't be so hard, but I am.. and I just don't know what to do.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It would be easy to say have nothing more to do with him, but not only is it not realistic, I'm *kind of* in the same boat (5 months preg, distant/verbally abusive husband), I know how hard it is, especially when these hormones are making us feel we *need* them. 

How is your family helping you? Are they able to help you with a phone/car, should he take these from you?

Unrelated, but if you don't mind my asking, what are your prescriptions for? I was just in the second of two car accidents within 3 months of each other, and was prescribed tylenol 3. Doesn't do much, but my husband went batsh!t when I wouldn't give him one! (He has a history of abuse and addiction to pills).

Wishing the best for you... I know this is a difficult time. I'm right alongside you. *hugs*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

One more thing: don't bail on anymore court dates. I had an ex I sent to jail quite a few times, and always felt bad about it, until I realized he was a.) Doing it to himself and b.) I was much better off without him. And this ex was physically, violently and sexually abusive towards me. Thank goodness I never got pregnant with him.

He needs to be accountable for his actions. If you let that slide, you are saying to yourself, "this is the best I can do" and it's not true. It took me five years to get out of my abusive relationship, but it was the best thing I ever did. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## misscwick (Dec 10, 2011)

My family is here for me, and I managed to save up enough money to buy a car.
Yesterday, I was going threw all these texts that he had sent me admitting that he has been cheating on me, and also emails showing how he told me told me not to go court and exactly what to say and stuff...and when he did that a few months ago, I forwarded the entire folder to my best friend so that if I ever needed it, she would have a copy. Well he managed to not only hack into all my accounts and delete"JUST" the incriminating messages. And some how he also hacked into hers and deleted the entire folder.
I am just astounded that he was able to get into her account!
Also, the reason why I was prescribed pain meds, is because I too was in a really bad car accident 2 years ago, and my neck got really messed up, but I had already had degenerative disk problems with my spine, so it only made it a thousand times worse. The doctor prescribed me norcos. Which is a very powerful pain killer.. kind of like tylenol 3 which has codeine but much, much more strong.
I just don't even know what to do mentally about all this....its just to depressing and makes me feel completely hopeless. I can't sleep, and all I think about is what he doing...and the fact that he's cheating on me. I have been trying to keep myself busy, but when I stop going...my mind just won't stop thinking about all these horrible things.


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## Betrayed24 (Dec 9, 2011)

My advice would be cut contact, he will keep playing games with you, he knows how, he knows what to say to you to get you to do what he wants you to do. He will use that. And you cannot change him, women spend so much time trying to change men who do not want to and will never change, for anyone. and a baby will not even change that. I know you want the perfect family but him bringing drugs and abuse into a childs life is not what your child needs/ deserves. Him/her is better off never knowing what its like than having to grow up and be aware of whats going on between mommy and daddy always fighting and yelling or hitting and screaming. You are better off, things WILL get better, you and your child deserve better...


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

Your in big trouble lady.

The guy is a total abuser, liar, cheat, it's not your fault......you did nothing wrong. I was with a guy just like this for two years. There may have been signs before you married him. Likely there was, but people like this are artful in manipulation. They know their true personalities won't get them anything so they hide it, and spring it on people who come to care about them.

You were a victim. So, stop being a victim. Get your $hit together and get ready to raise that child without him (babies probably better off).

Don't do like I did and try to prove you can make him love you. He is incapable of love. How do I know? Even if he didn't love you, or fell in love with someone else, he wouldn't do the horrible things to the mother of his child. 

Learn to love yourself. It really wasn't you. Take precautions that he has hacked your phone, and your computer. Get the best software you can to clean out his programs and keep him from hacking again. 

Go see a lawyer, and have him served. You also need to set boundries on what you will and will not tolerate from ANYONE. But especially from someone you marry. If that person crosses that boundry, you MUST stick to your guns and make them responsible. 

Look up gaslighting, going dark, and 180. It will help rebuild your self esteem, and self worth. 

There is someone out there who will love you the way you deserve. First you have to love yourself better. 

Good luck


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I've walked that same path. You need to leave! Get yourself out of that situation now! 

His behavior will greatly effect the child/children. I had very strict visitation and it didn't stop the verbal abuse towards my daughter. The courts would not let me stop visitation all together, but he really was mean to her. 

My ex husband almost killed my daughter and I one day. He held me hostage in our apartment for hours. Screaming at me telling me that I was a worthless piece of crap(except he swore). He was telling me I was the psyco one and that I never amounted to anything.(Geeze, I was paying rent and all the bills). I finally got free, grabbed the baby, drove off in my car and he followed me in his car, got in front of me and slammed his breaks to a screeching hault on the freeway. By the grace of God, no one was behind me.

He blamed everything on me. Actually, 18 years later he still does. He says it was my fault he cheated on me.(he was a serial cheater). Supposedly I set him up. When I left, he stalked me for about a year. Mind you, his gf moved in 3 days after I left. He is a very sick and angey person.

You need to leave now! Go to a shelter for women where he can't find you until your back on your feet. They only get worse as they age, at least my ex did. He told my daughter he cheated on his current wife 3 times and was proud of it. My daughter was 16. My daughter does not see or talk to him anymore. He puts her down telling her she is worthless. Luckily my daughter has my current husband as a father. My daughter wants to take his last name. In a few months she'll be 18 and able to do so.

There are much better men out there. I'm so in love with my husband and we've been married 12 years. My husband now always puts my needs before his and he has NEVER raised his voice at me. We never argue or fight, ever! My first husband and I fought every single day we were together. The impact of the abuse on the children is horrible. I fully regret getting married to my first husband. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Exhausted8 (Dec 9, 2011)

I was in a similar situation my baby is now a beautiful, smart strong 12yr old (baby)girl. I'll never forget the feeling of looking into her with no job and a black eye. It was the lowest gut wrenching feeling. Please get out. If you can't get out for you right now, then get out for the baby. Ask yourself if your baby deserves a father like that. She gave me so much strength. I was determined to give her a good healthy life. I wont sugar coat it. It may get harder before it gets better. But everyday you look into your babys eyes and your determination to give that child everything will push you through another day. When I got on the stand to testify I looked straight at him. He was not going to do this to me. I gave him supervised visitations and he eventually flaked. He has had nothing to do with her but it's ok she is amazing. We got through it and you can too. You and baby deserve so much more. I wish you all the best.


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