# Living in my car, but still happier than.....



## jmule (Jun 26, 2007)

staying with her. Most of my story is on the considering board. But, I've decided that since my wife and I have been split for a while, then I'd put it here. My wife and I separated almost a month and a half ago. I can't afford a place to live, and still pay rent at home, so I am living in my car, until I get a roommate. I work. She doesn't. Basically, we weren't getting along, had one last argument and she threw me out. I've been seeing my boss's 18 year old granddaughter, unbeknown to him and my wife for about 4 months now. (Yes I was having an affair with her before I left.) She, at 18 has it much more together than my wife. We plan on telling her family that we have been seeing each other, because it has taken it's toll on her to lie to her family so much. I feel that she is a very good person and I plan to continue seeing her. We planned on telling them after I lined up a new job, because I believe I will get fired, even though our relationship has not affected us at work.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

The last thing you need right now is to lose your job so I hope something turns up for you soon. Have you seen your daughters? I hope you find a place soon & are able to spend time with them.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

She, at 18 has it much more together than my wife. 

In what ways? 

Got it more together in the bedroom than your wife does? 
Got it together in looks than your wife has, and has a better body than your wife has?
Got it together in the clothes dept, than what your wife would wear? 

Or do you mean she works and your wife doesn't?

Remember.. a house wife does work, unless you have to come home and do everything, while she is sitting and eating in front of the tv, like some men do.

YouTube - Clay Walker - Then What? (Video)


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## jmule (Jun 26, 2007)

swedish said:


> The last thing you need right now is to lose your job so I hope something turns up for you soon. Have you seen your daughters? I hope you find a place soon & are able to spend time with them.


I do spend time with them on the weekends. Yes. I am considering that I don't want to be unemployed. That's why we have not told anyone in her family until I am more in a posision to.


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## jmule (Jun 26, 2007)

Honey said:


> She, at 18 has it much more together than my wife.
> 
> In what ways?
> 
> ...



I mean she has it together mentally. I didn't go after her because of how young she was or what clothes she wore. 

I also know that stay at home motherhood is hard work. But I also work hard, at work and tried to make her life at home as easy as possible. I did do many things at home. More in fact than my father used to, or a lot of working 60 hr. a week, driving 24hr. a week fathers do. And I moved all of that way from work so that she could be closer to her mother. I bent a whole lot for her in a lot of ways. And she refused to bend any for me. What's worse is that emotionally all that she showed me was her hostillity and how much she expected more of me, no matter how much I tried to do. And yes. Most of the time when I came home, she was either sitting in front of the TV or computer. I would ask her, nicely, what she wanted me to make for dinner. And usually the reply was, "I didn't take anything out of the freezer." So, she couldn't even do that so that I could make dinner. She was lazy. And did nothing but complain about how little I did, when I was home, which quite honestly, was quite a bit more than most men working as much as me. I am NOT as shallow as you might believe, about being involved with a much younger lady.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

mommy22 said:


> If you really love this girl, then let her go for awhile to figure out who she is. YOu aren't doing her any favors right now. You are a father figure to her. She wouldn't never say this or even admit it to herself, but it's true. Ask any psychologist and you'll probably be told the same thing. If you don't let her get out on her own and figure out her life on her own, she'll do it in a few years after you've decided to marry her. You can believe that or not, but I'm right on this one. She'll eventually sow those oats leaving you wondering what happened.
> 
> Your wife shouldn't have been lazy and selfish, but you jumping into this relationship won't solve anything. Take a breather. If you don't, you'll continue jumping from one relationship to the next.
> 
> Please just step outside this and clearly think about this and the repercussions. There are always repercussions. It's not going to turn out to be the fairytale either of you envision.


:iagree:

Cheating only complicates things at home. If you're going to find someone else, divorce the spouse first. Cheating hurts a lot of people!


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

mommy22 said:


> If you really love this girl, then let her go for awhile to figure out who she is. YOu aren't doing her any favors right now. You are a father figure to her. She wouldn't never say this or even admit it to herself, but it's true. Ask any psychologist and you'll probably be told the same thing. If you don't let her get out on her own and figure out her life on her own, she'll do it in a few years after you've decided to marry her. You can believe that or not, but I'm right on this one. She'll eventually sow those oats leaving you wondering what happened.
> 
> Your wife shouldn't have been lazy and selfish, but you jumping into this relationship won't solve anything. Take a breather. If you don't, you'll continue jumping from one relationship to the next.
> 
> Please just step outside this and clearly think about this and the repercussions. There are always repercussions. It's not going to turn out to be the fairytale either of you envision.


:iagree:

Very well said, mommy.


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

jmule said:


> I mean she has it together mentally. I didn't go after her because of how young she was or what clothes she wore.
> 
> I also know that stay at home motherhood is hard work. But I also work hard, at work and tried to make her life at home as easy as possible. I did do many things at home. More in fact than my father used to, or a lot of working 60 hr. a week, driving 24hr. a week fathers do. And I moved all of that way from work so that she could be closer to her mother. I bent a whole lot for her in a lot of ways. And she refused to bend any for me. What's worse is that emotionally all that she showed me was her hostillity and how much she expected more of me, no matter how much I tried to do. And yes. Most of the time when I came home, she was either sitting in front of the TV or computer. I would ask her, nicely, what she wanted me to make for dinner. And usually the reply was, "I didn't take anything out of the freezer." So, she couldn't even do that so that I could make dinner. She was lazy. And did nothing but complain about how little I did, when I was home, which quite honestly, was quite a bit more than most men working as much as me. I am NOT as shallow as you might believe, about being involved with a much younger lady.



Do you love your wife?
Does she love you?
Do you have children together?
What binds you together?

From what you say i can tell you that you are both at fault.
I think she ask too much frorm you and you should have told her so long ago, and have a serious and quiet discussion about it all long ago.
Maybe she was feeling frustrated of being home that long all the time, and being expected to do things for you. She didnt feel well with herself to become the maid of a man..
Maybe the solution is that she get herself a job, so that you will have to work less, and you will spend more time together at the end, and she will have more understanding for you and will feel better with herself as having a life outside and being more independent and less depending on you.


It is good that you had that affair in that, that she get her wakeup call. But you must in no way leave your home and sleep in your car. Come back home, and think things through and have a talk with her.
Give yourself a few weeks first.

You pay the rent, so she can in no way throw you out of your own home . She do not have the right to do so, neither legal nor ethical.

About your affair, you have only known that girl for 4 months.
If you were to marry her and live together with her how different will life be for you?
You will be gone the whole day, do you think she will make food for you when you come home or have it ready for you?
I seriously doubt so.
Dont you think she will get bored too? and even more than your wife?..
She is from a rich or easy living family. Her dad is your boss.
She isnt used to have to do things like cooking and washing clothes and that kind. Even less how to run a family.
For her its exciting. She is dating an employee of her dad, and maybe she likes making a bit of a teen rebelion agaisnt daddy and being at cross åpurpose with her dad.
But, at the end of the line, thats daddy she looks up to, and daddys orders she will follow when this will be know. And you will be in your car, no job, no money no gf and no wife..
And then, what are you going to do?

I must admit, you sound very naive for a grown up man, and very imature.

I bet that in 8 months from now she will be with someone else and will have forgot you completely.
You will be far less attractive once you will be unemployed in the street. Did you thought about that?

What you need is a vacation , to destress together with your wife. Do you take her out often? do you 2 do things together or you dont have the time at all for that?

You life as a couple is not interesting for any of the part because all boils down to your work outside. Make it more interesting for both of you.
havemore time together and seek help at a counsler to found out how to make things right again.
You fight all the time, but not about the real issues.
The real issues are that she feel dead frustrated to be home and that you are gone the whole day, and that there is nothing between the 2 of you, and no fun and nothing that you can do together. 
You , you are frustrated by your work, all those hours and the long drive, and that she dont care enough for you, and dont appreciate how much you work to pay for everything you have.

You have to make things more interesting for her, and she have to be more of a wife and takle care of you too.
First you have to agree of what you will both like to do together, as hobby outside, and to make a deal to go out together once a week. restaurant or museum or concert or having fun, goign to the beach, the pool, trip in nature, a weekend somewhere exciting, things who will make life better for the both of you and make you feel more happy about yourself and about each others.
Plan trips together. And instead to figth about the home duties have it planed in advance, and agree upon that since you are the one working the most outside already, she cant ask so much from you.
If she have never work in her life, then it might explain her leasiness..
She is frustrated because she is borred and no matter what she complain about it is just a veil to cover the real reason why. She might not even be aware of it or too ashame to words it.
And you, you have also to found the courage to tell yourself that you are imature and that you cant just kill your life and career like that.
If after some months trying to make things work with your wife, things do not work anyway, then you can file for divorce.
But do not see that girl anymore. and pray that she wont tell her dad.. 
A good thing will be to move agian to a house who is closer to your work, so your wife can take her leasy butt up and go visit her mum instead of you having to go through hours of transport everyday just to please your wife who dont see her mum every week anyway.
Move close to job, it will make life easier for you, with more hours to sleep and more time spend at home.

if you and your wife do not have children thas the reason why she is so frustrated.

Think first. Plan well. And then act.
Come back home.
Make plans with your wife to change things
Agree about a deal
Introduce the idea of counceling
Do not let her decide everythign for you anymore!
You have been toooo soft in the past and your wife has taken you by the noze.
No man will have accepted to be throw out the door of their own home.
Tell her to have food ready for you when you come home.
Make a plan for her, of things she msut do during the day.
Talk more with her about what you do and ask her what she does.
Make a deal of being closer and talking more together
Go out for a walk every week for some hours together
Plan weekend trips together once or twice a month
and go out every week.
Try to found that sparkle agian
Take what is happening now as the red light alert for you and your wife, that you both got to take yourself together and do something about that totaly impossible life together.

Problems dont leave by turning your head the other way or by ignoring they are here or by getting use to them.
They get worse.
Problems leave by taking them up by the horns, and facing them up front. making a list of what they are, where they come from, and found a solution for each of them TOGETHER.
If your wife dont get it, have someone explaining it to her, like one of her friend, or someone in the family, that you can trust with that kind of things.
If not, use a coucelor.
If your wife is too much against this and not willing to work things out, be ready to file for divorce. *But not before you have tried the best solution, the hard way, and not to can go with the 18 years old girl instead!*
Its not going to happen anyway...
It was a nice trip for you, 4 months instead of a one night stand, congra, but now the party is over, time to land back on planet earth, and to be an adult and the man in the family.

Do yourself a favor: quit losing your mind. 
Save yourself and your marriage.

In one year form now you will think "What the hell was i thinking about??". like Britney Spear, LOL :lol: :rofl:

My advice to you will be to take a long vacation far away from all that mess. Maybe with your wife or alone.
You need rest. You are overstressed at work and at home, you got nowhere to be comforted and thats how you fall in the arms of that little girl. And now you live in your car. You are desperate, you need yourself first of all, and to do that you need to found yourself back and to take care of you. 
Leave, take a vacation somewhere you can relax and enjoy the sun. If you cant try at least for a week. 
If its long ago since you went on vacation with your wife, take her with you, and refound there the sparkle that went out the window.. different settings will help to get it back.
Houses price are very low now, you will found a house near your job at low cost. 
Many things will have to change at home from now on, but running from your problems will not make your life better, but worse, and is therefor not an option. You are at risk to lose absolutly everything you work for, and that include love too.

You act crazily and it must be because you are overstressed.
You need to cool down, think things over, and found real solutions to them. Take care of you, have some good cry, get some help, join a club, you need a friend now to help you go through this, and to shed light for you, because you are lost my friend, completely lost in the dark. 

I wish you a lot of courage and a very solid plan.
If that girl loves you and you are really ment for each others she can wait 3 years more.

In the mean time, do the right things. For you, for your wife, for your future.

 I wish you the very best  and to can see clear.


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