# Familiar tale...



## Instant Cannon (Aug 28, 2013)

Hello all. I have been a member on this site in the past under a different screen name. I have decided to come back and hopefully be a more active member. I read a lot of the posts and laugh and, ok if I have to admit it, tear up right along with everyone else.

My last year has been quite a trip to say the least. On October 1, 2012 I moved out of the house after 29 years together; 22 of them married. We were high school sweethearts. We met in kindergarten. We grew up together. It is hard for me to remember significant time without knowing her.

My story is not unlike many on the site. I guess over time we just grew apart. I got the ILYBINILWY talk in June or July of 2011. She, at that time, stated to me that we would stay together for a year to see if we could make it work. I lost 50 pounds, changed my diet, changed my attitude around the house, and generally gave it my best effort. I have no regrets about the effort I put into trying to save the marriage. We went to MC. I have to say that I was totally unimpressed with MC. As time went on I felt that she had already made her decision and nothing I did was going to change anything.

There was a major momentum shift for the worse around Thanksgiving. I found out about an EA that had been raging for quite some time. We had it out about this and she made it clear that it was over. We stayed together mainly for financial reasons after that.

So we come to June of 2012. Nothing much had been said about the whole year long experiment to see if there was anything left of our marriage. Well, it came up again and the search was on for a place to live. Apartment occupancy in the area we live in was at over 95% at the time and it was very difficult to keep close enough so that it wasn’t a hassle with the boys (17 & 15 at the time).

I found a place about a mile from the house. It was smaller than I wanted, but I had to make due. It never even made it to the market. We knew someone who lived in the complex and they had heard a rumor that someone was leaving so I contacted the leasing agent. They did not even have confirmation that someone was leaving. They knew there was a possibility, but that had received nothing in writing. I ended up getting it.

Before I left the house I was playing softball A LOT. It was my way to avoid the situation at the house. I had already discussed the reasoning behind it with my boys and they were very understanding and supportive. Let’s face it, 17 and 15 year olds do not think it is cool to hang out with their dad anyway. When I moved I think I continued to play a lot of softball to avoid an empty apartment. 

Then in July of this year I was on vacation and got a call from a woman telling me that she was my new leasing agent and that I needed to give her a call. I returned her call and she informed me that her grandmother, my former leasing agent, had died and that my lease would not be renewed in October. Great! Now to go through that hassle again. I asked her if she had any idea how hard it was securing the apartment I was currently in? She responded by saying that if I could be out by September 1 I could skip paying August rent. Well, I moved out on September 7 still getting her no August rent deal. Moving 2 times in one year is not my idea of a good time.

I am now about 4 miles from the house. The now 18 year old is in community college and pretty much stays at the house with his mom because it is closer to school and the girl who picks him up and takes him to class lives close by and it is convenient. I get it. My younger son spends 2 weeks at a time with me and then 2 with his mom… and so on.

Needless to say this has been a transition for me. This last year has been an emotional roller coaster. Every day it seems to get a little better. Some days it still really sucks. I did not want to be in this position. I have come to terms with the marriage being over, but I believe that I still mourn the family being torn apart. That feeling of contentment when you go home and the dog wags his tail at you, you kiss the wife hello, and ask the boys how their day at school went…lol. That is what I miss. It seems so far away. Speaking with another adult in a non-work setting…lol. And not necessarily softball guys, because I play with a bunch of young guys…lol.

I am not officially divorced. We are working on the paperwork together. We are very civil. We have agreed on all aspects of the divorce settlement. There just has been no reason to push to finalize things until now. I have sort of dipped my foot in the dating scene again, and I think it is time to start the process to finalize things. 

Sorry for the length and rambling nature of this post. I decided to post it here in the Life After Divorce section because I in no way feel married… There is so much more to my story, but lately I feel as though I have rehashed that garbage enough. Time to move forward.


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

Welcome back to the boards.  I myself don't post much, but I definitely read up on everyone's threads. Sounds like things will be pretty smooth when it comes to the entire process. I truely hope it stays that way for you.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Welcome back - this is the right spot for you for sure. Your welcome home/dog/kid is the whole thing I miss, too, only I want to be the welcomer with dinner cooking for the right guy. 

I'm sorry you have had to move so much - I was fortunate there with a decent housing market. I opted for renting houses until I bought the one I'm in. 

Good moves on keeping busy - do you have meetups in your area? Might want to find a baseball group that way. Whether it's playing, watching or coaching, you could have a fun diversion and meet new people.

At least you don't have to sugar coat it with boys that age - they get it. I was trying to explain divorce to an almost 5-year-old back then. She gets it better now that she's almost 15.


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## Instant Cannon (Aug 28, 2013)

Thanks for the welcomes!

Yeah, I hate moving! This last move sucked even worse because of the fact that I am on the third floor. Moving all the stuff up three flights of stairs was just awesome.  I am leaning toward trying to get something on the outskirts of town in the near future. My boys always enjoy the time we spend in the country when we go visit my parents.

I was almost doing too good a job keeping busy. Now, I need to find something else to do. The last softball tournament of the year for me is this weekend. My stupid TV just died, too. Things are just grand! I have not really explored the meetup scene in the area. I just did a search and it appears that there are many (148) groups near me...lol. I will have to check that out.

I can imagine how hard it was to try to explain divorce to a 4 year old. That had to be rough. I know that it affected the boys more than they let on, but at least they have the logic and reasoning to see things for what they are.


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