# Could I be any more messed up?



## ham_bones1234 (Apr 12, 2013)

Long story. This will be the first time I have told it honestly to anyone.

Married for 11 y. 3 kids. Last several years were 'dead' went through motions. I thought I was being a good husband. Just thought with kids and work it was a tough spot and things would improve over time.

Female coworker approached me fall of 2010 after a few playful comments saying she has been wanting to 'be' with me for the 8 years we worked together. I had same thoughts but we were both married. I never had anything close to affair before this. I did everything I was supposed to do and tried to be super husband and dad. We did have affair for about 4 months. Turns out my wife was doing the same thing. I wised up and stopped. Wife didn't and I caught her. She had no desire to stop her affair. I did want to reconcile and do what we could to repair and rebuild. She didn't. I moved out and lawyers took over. 

Divorce process started in Spring of 2011. I was really down in the dumps and got the idea that dating would help. Against advice of others I did meet someone. It really did help for about 2 years. Met wonderful person who really got me through tough spots.

Fall of 2012 I was again approached by coworker. It starts with texts and looks... At the same time an old (married) girlfriend from college starts calling and texting.

At this point I am almost done with divorce. I have been dating a wonderful person for almost 2 years and I am having on/off affairs with 2 married women.

This keeps up for about 6 months until divorce is final. This was bout 60 days ago. 

Just in the last 2 weeks I ended both affairs and have no desire to see 'real' girlfriend anymore. I think I may break this off soon. I can't fake. It is hard to even be civil on the phone. I can't explain this. I used to fall asleep and wake up with this person on my mind. No interest in sex either.

What the h*** am I doing? I never ever would ever think I was capable of this. I am not proud. I thought I was having fun but I was not. It was constant abuse. Roller coaster up, roller coaster down. The affairs that sound fun are not because these ladies I'd get a bit attached to go home to their husbands. I have girlfriend that can't compete with 2 others at the same time...and I felt guilt at the sneaking around.

I think I might be better off alone a bit to get my head on right.

I have appt with counselor but am so upset and lonely and empty and a mess I thought I'd get feedback before I get in to see him.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

A counselor will help you sort things out & being alone for awhile, so you can clear your head & get over all your past affairs would be a good thing.


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## mainsqueeze (Apr 10, 2013)

After being cheated on I have to say that you've been a total dbag. That being said, yes you should feel guilty. You've hurt many people along the way. 

Get some counseling and be alone for a long time. There's a reason why we have palms. You really need to examine yourself and learn why you keep doing this. Not tying to judge, cause we all screw up, but this is pretty bad. Have enough respect for yourself and the one you eventually end up with to break the cycle. 

Let us know how it goes


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