# Asking What to Do on a First Date Ahead of the Date?



## mikumiku (Jul 14, 2016)

Any of you, ever come across a guy, who would ask you ahead of time, before the actual date on what he can and cannot do? As in "Can I hold your hand?" "Can I kiss you?" "Do you kiss on the first date?" etc.

Would you answer these questions, or just wait and see what happens? I was told that when going on a date with a guy, that if he makes the first move, whether that'd be holding your hand, cuddling, hugging, kissing, on his behalf, that shows he likes you.

But when a guy is asking you these types of questions, before the date has even happened, it makes it a bit awkward and weird and your already in the know of what to expect, rather than be surprised.

Not really sure what to think of this.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

mikumiku said:


> Any of you, ever come across a guy, who would ask you ahead of time, before the actual date on what he can and cannot do? As in "Can I hold your hand?" "Can I kiss you?" "Do you kiss on the first date?" etc.
> 
> Would you answer these questions, or just wait and see what happens? I was told that when going on a date with a guy, that if he makes the first move, whether that'd be holding your hand, cuddling, hugging, kissing, on his behalf, that shows he likes you.
> 
> ...


*Personally, I prefer spontaneity, and hate asking or entertaining questions! ! And that's whether I have the concerted courage in making the very first move, or even if she does!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

mikumiku said:


> Any of you, ever come across a guy, who would ask you ahead of time, before the actual date on what he can and cannot do? As in "Can I hold your hand?" "Can I kiss you?" "Do you kiss on the first date?" etc.
> 
> Would you answer these questions, or just wait and see what happens? I was told that when going on a date with a guy, that if he makes the first move, whether that'd be holding your hand, cuddling, hugging, kissing, on his behalf, that shows he likes you.
> 
> ...


Is he on the spectrum? So strange, never heard this one before.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sounds like either extreme insecurity/low self esteem or else complete lack of experience.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Is he on the spectrum? So strange, never heard this one before.


^^This. I wondered this myself when I read the post.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

mikumiku said:


> Any of you, ever come across a guy, who would ask you ahead of time, before the actual date on what he can and cannot do? As in "Can I hold your hand?" "Can I kiss you?" "Do you kiss on the first date?" etc.
> .


If a man asked me those questions, I'd cancel the date. I'd interpret asking those questions to indicate a lack of maturity, confidence, and/or experience. Those are major turn offs for me, so there would be no point to going on the date.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Young men are being told to do this now; to make sure a girl consents at every step along the way, from "may I put my arm around you" all the way up to "may I put my penis in your vagina"
> 
> I think it's mostly a college thing, at this point.
> 
> ...


 If that's what he's trying to do, he's doing it wrong and definitely doesn't understand the point.

Consent needs to be in the moment. Getting it in advance would be pointless because it can always be revoked.

And really, consent isn't as complicated as some make it out to be. People get freaked out about the idea of asking all along. But it doesn't need to be nearly as formal or stilted as people make it out. Just make sure your partner is enthusiastically involved, and, you know, not passed out drunk, and you'll be just fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

mikumiku said:


> Any of you, ever come across a guy, who would ask you ahead of time, before the actual date on what he can and cannot do? As in "Can I hold your hand?" "Can I kiss you?" "Do you kiss on the first date?" etc.
> 
> Would you answer these questions, or just wait and see what happens? I was told that when going on a date with a guy, that if he makes the first move, whether that'd be holding your hand, cuddling, hugging, kissing, on his behalf, that shows he likes you.
> 
> ...


Maybe he's from a California university where this is basically the law.


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## mikumiku (Jul 14, 2016)

Hmmm yeah just weird and I cut him off.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

You could make the world a better place by helping the poor guy out and tell him you're not going to go anywhere with him because his questions make him sound like a wackjob.


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