# Depressed Husband/Pregnant Wife



## hoping4thebest (Jun 1, 2010)

I'm 30 weeks pregnant. My husband has recently told me that he's been thinking for the last 6 months that we were never meant to be together and that he's been constantly unhappy for the last6 months only smiling once when he went fishing with a friend. 
I encouraged him a while back to go to therapy/counseling because I felt due to some medical issues (he started having seizures in the past few years) that he was depressed. He finally agreed a few months ago and went solo. But after his first session he started saying that the problem was our relationship. I went to my first session and we go together this week. I found out he didn't even talk about his depression w/ the psychologist just our relationship. 
In our talks he says that he is committed to working on our marriage, but his actions, tone of voice, and recently his words all point in a very negative direction. He admitted last night that he can't see things positively like me because he is so overwhelmed with anxiety of not knowing how any of this will turn out. It's like he's given up and is unwilling to even try and reclaim what I know we once had (and what he now believes never existed). We've been together 9 years and married 5.
He says he'll be there for me and our child and goes to childbirth prep classes with me, but it's an emotional rollercoaster for me. Our family is 16 hours away so we don't have them living here for support. Last night talking with him about it made him get the worse migraine I've ever see him get and he just withdrew even more. 
Anyone else having a similar experience or any advice?


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

While not pregnant, I do believe my wife is suffering from depression due to stress (Taking care of her mother who lives with us) and work and me (I haven't always been the greatest of husbands). We've been together 9 years married almost 5 years. We did have some wonderful times in our 9 years but she has recently said that they weren't all wonderful and that some of it was because she thought 'this is what being in a relationship is.'. She doesn't want to go to counseling, she thinks it's only something she can solve, she wants to 'fix herself' not really understanding that I'm sort of waiting in limbo. We have made some progress with intimacy and communication. Hopefully it will continue and she will 'fix herself'.

Your husband seems insecure about something, perhaps the idea of becoming a father? Was this a planned pregnancy?


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## hoping4thebest (Jun 1, 2010)

Sounds like in opposite we are having a similar situation. It was a planned pregnancy. We waited til he was done with school and had a job (now I'm in my 30s). Of course, all the time we were trying (it took a bit over 6 months) he was apparently depressed and having all these questioning feelings...wish he'd brought them up then! We'd almost given up on trying for a while when we got pregnant. We'd had several false alarms previously. 

I hope your wife decides to go to counseling for herself and then maybe include you too. It's been good for my husband and I so far. He needs to talk things out with her to figure himself out. Doing it with me doesn't work- we just wind up making me cry and him feel bad that I'm so upset. My husband said that the therapist is great because she has a way of listening to what he is saying and noticing things he'd never think of and asking questions to open him up. Of course, it's slow going from what friends of mine tell me. If there's as many embedded issues of self and relationship as there is with my hubby, then it won't be solved overnight. Unfortunately I fell a bit of time crunch with baby coming in 2 months! Good luck. Does she have any friends who see a therapist of some sort? Since opening up to friends I can't believe how many people are in counseling for one reason or another.


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## bopmavis (Jun 27, 2010)

My partner has very severe depression and is in a real downward phase at the moment and seems hell bent on destroying himself and me. I am also 31 weeks pregnant and have now been left on my own... he has decided that he just can't cope with all this. I have always been very supportive of helping him to deal with depression but this is all too much. I love him so much and would do anything for him but I am slipping down hill too. I have come to the decision that I can't live in a relationship like this anymore, he is so up and down, comes and goes that I am not able to ever feel safe and secure. I feel like I am abandoning him but I really can't go through this anymore, I want out. Our baby is due soon and at the moment he will not even acknowledge it is happening, I am not sure I will ever get over this.


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