# What's the magic number?



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Came home from another day of slaving to make ends meet. Came home and wife is crying, obviously upset about something. Concerned and caring husband that I am, I asked her what's wrong. I got "nothing". I asked her what happened? What's wrong? What can I do? Are you sick? Are you angry? I get "nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, and nope." Obviously that wasn't the truth nor particularly helpful or informative but I did my part. I inquired and offered assistance..repeatedly. Since I'm not in the mind-reading business, I left her to deal with whatever "nothing" is. The woman has a Master's Degree in Education and she doesn't know how to use words? 
Am I really supposed to chase after an upset woman for a few hours, playing twenty questions?


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

anytime a woman says "nothing" in response to "what's wrong", you know you f*cked up, big-time.

She obviously found out you're cheating on her.


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

She just heard she missed out on "Steak and Blow-Job Day".


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

A few hours? 

After fifteen minutes of inquiries, I would have left her to find the words on her own. She knows where to find you when she's ready.

Sucks coming home to an emotional mess. You'll get it sorted out.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She just realized that she's wasted the best years of her life on you, but of course can't say that.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

I see you've been here since 2010, but I was unfamiliar with your situation. I went back and looked at your first thread, and this was your first post :

"Don't get me wrong. I love my wife. I adore her. She's the absolute apple of my eye. Having said that, she's dancing on my last nerve today. All week long, she went to work and then quietly relaxed until bed, playing Farmtown, while I scuttled around making sure necessary life functions till continued. I've told her all week that I had two term papers due Sunday (tomorrow) for my Masters program and that I'd have to hustle this weekend to finish them up.
I haven't had a day off in probably three weeks and haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep a day in months. As soon as I wake up and head to the computer to work on my papers, she begins tossing honeydo missions at me. Swear to God, at least 20 different projects thrown at me in less than 5 minutes. She also wants me to take her on a motorcycle ride (and it's a beautiful day for one). None of these projects need to be done today or really ever. It's like her mind races through a million things at once and I'm in "get papers done" mode. If I complain to her, she'll brood over it and then I'll have that drama to contend with. So, I'm dumping on yall.
Don't really need any advise. It is what it is and I'm tough enough to deal with it, but there's a reason men die sooner than women. They kill us. She can think of a million things for me to do but cooking a meal or having sex doesn't cross her mind. It's like the greatest fear of her life is that I might relax for a few minutes. I can handle quite a bit. I worked every day without a break in Iraq for over a year with only about 4 hrs sleep a day. I can do it, but it aint fun and there's no way it's healthy.
*****ing isn't getting my papers done, so I'll quit. Maybe there's a reward in heaven but down here sucks pretty hard. If any guys here are considering marrying someone with bipolar, come to Chattanooga and let me slap some sense into you. "


So are you still here 5 years later complaining about the same wife who is bi polar ? If so, WHY ????


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

What She Means When She Says "Nothing" | Men's Health Singapore

What Women Mean when They Say "Nothing!" | elephant journal

Guys and girls: What do women mean when we say nothing is wrong? – Jaclyn Holland-Strauss

Looks like you're up **** creek without a paddle.

Site that may help:

Why Cant Women Just Come Out and Say What They Mean


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Methuselah said:


> She just heard she missed out on "Steak and Blow-Job Day".


Doubtful. Only missing chocolate and ice cream day would warrant that kind of reaction.

But seriously, there are times when I'm upset and genuinely don't want to talk. It happens. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

Does she do this often? Maybe she was just having a bad day. Hopefully she shared what was wrong, if she didn't, well guess it wasn't that important.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Constable Odo said:


> anytime a woman says "nothing" in response to "what's wrong", you know you f*cked up, big-time.
> 
> She obviously found out you're cheating on her.


Had nothing to do with me at all. As it turned out, she was pissed at her sister. Seems that her sister (who lives about 120 miles away) came into town today and didn't call my wife. Nobody's going to find out I'm cheating on my wife because that aint happened. To add to the strangeness, she doesn't even like her sister. She was complaining about her only yesterday evening.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Angelou said:


> Does she do this often? Maybe she was just having a bad day. Hopefully she shared what was wrong, if she didn't, well guess it wasn't that important.


Yeah, fairly frequently. Not as often when she faithfully takes her meds but if she misses a couple of days, it gets real freaky around here.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Methuselah said:


> She just heard she missed out on "Steak and Blow-Job Day".


Or chicken and a lick-n day (which is the day after "steak and Blow-job day)


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Yeah, fairly frequently. Not as often when she faithfully takes her meds but if she misses a couple of days, it gets real freaky around here.


I can’t believe you’re this obtuse in reality. Surely, your just yanking people’s chains here?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Here's a tidbit to husbands.

You walk in and see your wife crying.
You ask "What's wrong?"
If you get nothing,
Sit down next to her (stand next to her) and pull her in for a hug. Don't say anything else. Just hug her.

IF she pushes you away, you know it's you...and you just say "When you want to talk about what's bothering you, I'll be in the.....(insert room where you can be doing something to help the household). I love you."

If she stays on you...you've done your part. 

It took me YEARS to learn that when a man is bothered by something he wants solutions. When a woman is bothered by something, she wants to vent it out first, NOT solve it. If she wants help actually solving the problem, she'll address that DIRECTLY..as in "How would you handle xyz" type of questions. Other than that, just let her vent and reassure her.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I find that women will talk when they are darn good and ready to talk.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Here's a tidbit to husbands.
> 
> You walk in and see your wife crying.
> You ask "What's wrong?"
> ...


That's what I was going to say - just hold her and be a comfort to her. sooner or later she will spill her guts. Nothing more annoying that somone asking you the same qustion over and over.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> That's what I was going to say - just hold her and be a comfort to her. sooner or later she will spill her guts. Nothing more annoying that somone asking you the same qustion over and over.


:iagree:

yep I agree

It is difficult for men to do just this, because they are fixers.

It took me many years to learn just to comfort her and don't try and fix it


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

convert said:


> :iagree:
> 
> yep I agree
> 
> ...


Fixers! Exactly. I tried the fixer approach for a long time. No joy. I offer comfort and a ear. If my W is not ready to fill my ear I wait until she is ready.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The magic number is two. But the magic is in the timing and the action taken between number 1 and number 2.

Number one gets a "nothing." You sit down next to her and hug her or hold her hand. You murmur a few "there there dears" and then you continue to be present and silent while holding her or her hand. Give it 20 minutes or so just being quiet and waiting for her to feel you being present with her.

This will build a trusting connection, knocking her emotional walls down. Yes, it will! I see you shaking your head already!

Then you offer her a cup of tea, coffee, glass of wine, sandwich...something to nourish her. If she accepts the offer sit with her some more and then after about 10 minutes you ask again only differently. "I wish you would trust me enough to tell me about what has you upset?" And then you sit quietly and wait for another 10 minutes.

DUH!!!!! They really should teach this to boys when they learn about girls periods.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> The magic number is two. But the magic is in the timing and the action taken between number 1 and number 2.
> 
> Number one gets a "nothing." You sit down next to her and hug her or hold her hand. You murmur a few "there there dears" and then you continue to be present and silent while holding her or her hand. Give it 20 minutes or so just being quiet and waiting for her to feel you being present with her.
> 
> ...


This would be one of those moment I am glad I am not a man.... lol


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> The magic number is two. But the magic is in the timing and the action taken between number 1 and number 2.
> 
> Number one gets a "nothing." You sit down next to her and hug her or hold her hand. You murmur a few "there there dears" and then you continue to be present and silent while holding her or her hand. Give it 20 minutes or so just being quiet and waiting for her to feel you being present with her.
> 
> ...




no kidding!


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> DUH!!!!! They really should teach this to boys when they learn about girls periods.


The only thing they taught us was: "If it bleeds for 7 days straight and doesn't die, don't f**k with it!"


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Here's a tidbit to husbands.
> 
> You walk in and see your wife crying.
> You ask "What's wrong?"
> ...


This post should be made a “Sticky-Note Post” for the Men’s Forum. Sage and sound advice.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I really think D&H has it right, but I usually bring chocolate, pills and dinner.


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## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

unbelievable said:


> Came home from another day of slaving to make ends meet. Came home and wife is crying, obviously upset about something. Concerned and caring husband that I am, I asked her what's wrong. I got "nothing". I asked her what happened? What's wrong? What can I do? Are you sick? Are you angry? I get "nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, and nope." Obviously that wasn't the truth nor particularly helpful or informative but I did my part. I inquired and offered assistance..repeatedly. Since I'm not in the mind-reading business, I left her to deal with whatever "nothing" is. The woman has a Master's Degree in Education and she doesn't know how to use words?
> Am I really supposed to chase after an upset woman for a few hours, playing twenty questions?


I feel for you. I get really frustrated when I know my wife is upset about something (never crying but she is so easy to read)
but she refuses to say anything. I also know from experience that she does in fact feel better after talking about it, but getting to that point often takes an hour or so of cajoling. 

I do the cajoling because I know it will help, but it also feels like unnecessary time and effort that could be spent actually addressing the issue or even just enjoying our evening together!

Still, i suppose its a relatively harmless personality trait in the scheme of things...


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## Natthewife (Jun 16, 2014)

Constable Odo said:


> anytime a woman says "nothing" in response to "what's wrong", you know you f*cked up, big-time.
> 
> She obviously found out you're cheating on her.



Seriously? Most useless petty answer if ever I heard one. Unless of course your assumption is right which I doubt.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Constable Odo said:


> anytime a woman says "nothing" in response to "what's wrong", you know you f*cked up, big-time.


*In total agreement, Constable!

Webster's really needs to add yet another concrete definition to the word "Nothing" as:

"A one-word verbal response from a female spouse to her male counterpart's question, 'What's wrong, honey?' ; usually indicative that the purveyor of the question is unknowingly in deep crap!"*


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Constable Odo said:


> The only thing they taught us was: "If it bleeds for 7 days straight and doesn't die, don't f**k with it!"


I thought the saying was "don't trust it"? 

anyway, yeah Unb, when you came home you were trying to offer to fix her problems and had a hard time accepting no from her. You were caretaking. She didn't need you to fix anything, just wanted your support - caregiving.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I haven't read the thread but the magic number is 42.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I know this is going to be hard to believe but I've never used the "nothing" answer. I find it manipulative and pouty. I can't stand pouty. Probably because I had a cousin that used it to get her way or get us all in trouble.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> I haven't read the thread but the magic number is 42.


I thought 3 was the magic number?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU4pyiB-kq0


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Yeswecan said:


> I find that women will talk when they are darn good and ready to talk.


If I'm upset, she wants me to spit it out and not beat around the bush.

If she's upset she can either vent or say I'm not ready to discuss it yet. If I said not ready to discuss she's have a fit.:rofl:


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

An early poster copied the OP's first post and said "so why are you still with her?" 

Maybe because even with all the "stuff" he loves her.
Maybe because he's made a choice to stay in "for better or for worse"
Maybe on some level there is some part that still works.

Maybe he's here because this is a vent and a place of support......


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