# Watching



## Upset and confused (Nov 1, 2011)

Why is it that a man would want to watch his wife with another man. My husband wants that so much. He said if I agree it would be my choice if he joined in or not but the thought of another man having oral and intercourse excites him. He wants this to happen outdoors and is always stopping at rest stops, parks etc. I am terrified that he has arranged for someone to join in and told him so but he just laughs


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Upset and confused said:


> Why is it that a man would want to watch his wife with another man. My husband wants that so much. He said if I agree it would be my choice if he joined in or not but the thought of another man having oral and intercourse excites him. He wants this to happen outdoors and is always stopping at rest stops, parks etc. I am terrified that he has arranged for someone to join in and told him so but he just laughs


He`s been watching too much porn.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogging_(sexual_slang)

Is the definition at this link familiar?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He wants you with just some random guy? That's scary and puts you at risk...both in health and safety.

I would feel disrespected if Hubs wanted to do this. I mean, is he your pimp or what?

I'd but a big mirror for next to our bed so hubs could "watch".


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think thats very disrespectful to someone youre supposed to love.
if i was a woman and my hubby asked me to do that, i would be gone, no questions.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What answer is there? That his fantasy should put his wife in jeopardy? And why would anyone want to watch their wife eff another guy? Mind blowing.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

If you do this, then say goodbye to your marriage.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

WTH is wrong with these ppl wanting someone else screw their wives. Is this bizaro world. He's 58! A 13 year old wouldn't think of that. OMG. I must be crazy to think a marriage is for two. There must be something wrong, its got to be in the water. Too many people are coming up with this idea, that agreed infidelity is a cool. Wow what fun, watch my wife bl** some dirt bag. If she would F*** some guy behind his back, he'd puke.

Tell your husband to have the guy F*** him first. See how fast he'll drop that request. 

Ok, ok. I'm done. Taking a breath...1 2 3....
Sorry about the rant. Sorry your h is disrespecting you for his own gratification.


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## code7600 (Mar 20, 2011)

This perversion is called a 'hotwife' It has come up here before. I cannot understand why a man would want this. No self-respecting or spouse-respecting
person would., this request would be a deal breaker in a marriage (I'm a man). If he will not shut it down, file papers.
He thinks of you as a live porn display, or wants to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tell him you've decided to grant his wish, but he can't watch because your new husband would find it awkward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would feel betrayed JUST BY hubs asking me to do this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Upset and confused said:


> Why is it that a man would want to watch his wife with another man. My husband wants that so much. He said if I agree it would be my choice if he joined in or not but the thought of another man having oral and intercourse excites him. He wants this to happen outdoors and is always stopping at rest stops, parks etc. I am terrified that he has arranged for someone to join in and told him so but he just laughs


I find it creepy and sad. It is a cuckold fantasy. I do not understand it. It seems the antithesis of what a man is about.

You need to determine your boundaries and be very clear to him what they are.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

I agree that he has been watching too much porn, but it is HIS fantasy, not yours, so even asking is taking a chance.

What's next, fisting? Electrodes on the nipples? Some men cannot get aroused the old fashioned way and the wives of those men should get the heck out of dodge


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I don't think that this fantasy is all that uncommon. Acting on it is different.
Some things need to remain fantasy. IMO, threesomes (for a married couple) is one of those that needs to remain a fantasy.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I agree with Jeff. This is very common and I don't see the need for such juvenile reactions to someone looking for help.

It's impossible to include all details of your situation but from your post, I find it strange that your husband apparently has not talked this over with you but is just taking you to these places. Is he expecting it to happen when you really haven't talked about it (apparently) very much? I don't find the fantasy itself unusual but the way he is going about it is strange. What does he expect to happen when he takes you to one of these spots? This would scare me a little rather than the fantasy itself.

Lots of guys have this fantasy and it's caused by many things. You need to have an open conversation with him to understand. I would never dump someone for being open about their fantasies. I think many guys live quietly with this fantasy afraid to talk about it with their wives. That's not healthy.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

DanF said:


> I don't think that this fantasy is all that uncommon. Acting on it is different.
> Some things need to remain fantasy. IMO, threesomes (for a married couple) is one of those that needs to remain a fantasy.


It is more common than people think, and not necessarily a cuckhold thing. It's a fantasy thing. My ex was like that, for years he had this kink of seeing me with another man.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Uhh yeah I agree with Anchor, I don't see where there is any room for confusion that what the husband is doing is wrong.

Fantasizing about your wife screwing another dude, something I would not do but won't judge anyone's fantasies.

Coercing your wife into it against her will, taking her to rest stops to patrol for potential random dudes to bang your unconsenting wife: what planet does this guy live on?

It doesn't sound like you've told him to knock it off or you're out, so he probably takes your silence as tacit approval, or that you can be changed if he keeps it up.

It is so revolting to me that he'd keep it up, I would let him know that if he pursues it again you're out the door. If you want to set up some fantasy thing for him where you talk about it or act it out RP like, that's one thing. But when he crosses the line and tries to make it a reality, I think you need to "go nuclear".

If it's something you don't want to do, please don't give in to this. The minute you're done your world is going to crumble and you're going to feel extremely guilty about violating your own code of conduct for someone else.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> This is the 3rd Thread in the last 4 months that the OP has started on this subject.
> 
> It is clear to me that the husband is putting pressure on this woman
> and may even get to the point of forcing her to have sex with other man while he watches.
> ...


If that's true why is she still in the relationship? Staying without confrontation is almost like going along with it. I don't see how you could be in a marriage with a guy who is trying to pimp you out. Sounds more like a slave than a wife.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

COguy said:


> If that's true why is she still in the relationship? Staying without confrontation is almost like going along with it. I don't see how you could be in a marriage with a guy who is trying to pimp you out. Sounds more like a slave than a wife.


It`s part of an abusive relationship I think.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Some dudes have this fetish. It's pretty narrow minded to just condem a person for his likes and wants. BUT....in this case the other person is not a willing participant and I think that should be the focus of the advice.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Upset and confused said:


> Why is it that a man would want to watch his wife with another man. My husband wants that so much. He said if I agree it would be my choice if he joined in or not but the thought of another man having oral and intercourse excites him. He wants this to happen outdoors and is always stopping at rest stops, parks etc. I am terrified that he has arranged for someone to join in and told him so but he just laughs


If you have any fear, then it`s sexual abuse. You need to tell him his behavior is unacceptable, he may need some counseling, actually he does need it.


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## Jefro (Oct 26, 2011)

I have just got to say something here. I have done this with a couple of my ex girlfriends and once with the wife. I was involved in the sex, but watching was hot for me. Its hot for her too.

I respect my wife very greatly. I simply brought up the idea and i totaly left it up to her if it were to happen or not. if she had said no, then that would have been the end of it. I do find it disrespectful if i were to have put on tons of pressure for it to happen when she said no.

To kind of get into why i would find this hot. I am the type of person where when i was growing up, if it was taught to be forbiden, its a turn on now. I was always told that sex is only between you and someone you love, no one else. I find it sexually appealing when a girl is promiscuous, not in the sense that i could get laid by talking to her, but in the sense that its something she should keep hidden to a select few but gives out freely. Its the same thing here. its just the excitement of breaking the status quo, exploring into the forbbiden and doing something that is against normal thinking. I am just saying all this to kinda find a possible reason as to why he is into this. i hope everything works out for you two.


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## Jefro (Oct 26, 2011)

Ok, One more thing. Me and my wife did this with a person we know, but not like a good friend so it wont be wierd later. I can totaly understand the distress after going back. I really feel heartfelt sorrow for anyone who is forced into somehting that scares the crap out of them and offends them as well. you have my deepest sympathies, and please, do what you can to get your H to see how terrible it could be if he does find a stranger at these places to do that.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Jefro said:


> Ok, One more thing. Me and my wife did this with a person we know, but not like a good friend so it wont be wierd later.


it would ALWAYS be weird with ME between me and my SO.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

[In the United States of America, this is not normal behavior.
Something is clearly wrong here].

WRONG,

It goes on in swingers clubs and peoples homes all over the united States of America and a lot of other places and the people who are doing it comes from all walks of life,economical backgrounds ect so maybe you don't do it but I know first hand in the USA it happens all the time.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> [In the United States of America, this is not normal behavior.
> Something is clearly wrong here].
> 
> WRONG,
> ...


The "not normal behavior" part is about how the guy is trying to get his wife raped so he can watch and get his rocks off. Swinging is one thing since everyone is a willing participant, but this woman's husband has no regard for the fact that she does not want to do it.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

There is no where in her post where the poster says he is forcing her to do it,she says he wants her to do it badly and is afraid he might set something up without her knowing, but no where does she say she is being forced,another poster brought up force.

If she feels she is being pressured she needs to let her husband have it and tell him it not for her and it not going to happen.If she feels her husband is going to try and have her raped then she has bigger issues at home and need to get out.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

dubbizle said:


> There is no where in her post where the poster says he is forcing her to do it,she says he wants her to do it badly and is afraid he might set something up without her knowing, but no where does she say she is being forced,another poster brought up force.
> 
> If she feels she is being pressured she needs to let her husband have it and tell him it not for her and it not going to happen.If she feels her husband is going to try and have her raped then she has bigger issues at home and need to get out.


read her other threads.
he is not forcing her but she has said no multiple times and he continued to harass her about it and try to pressure her into it.
trying to force her through manipulation and emotional abuse.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

When you start throwing around the word rape[getting her raped] you need to be very cautious,I think we need to hear from the poster on that one. 

We don't know he is trying to force her into it,he could be just bring it up every few months,I would like to hear from HER about these questions and not make guesses.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Upset and confused said:


> Why is it that a man would want to watch his wife with another man. My husband wants that so much. He said if I agree it would be my choice if he joined in or not but the thought of another man having oral and intercourse excites him. He wants this to happen outdoors and is always stopping at rest stops, parks etc. I am terrified that he has arranged for someone to join in and told him so but he just laughs


He can put you at risk and himself not only that but it goes against much of the way the male is designed he wants to have sex with lots of women. But to have another man with his woman? not to say you are "property" you are not property. But i have no idea how any man could stand or bear the thought of someone else with his lady let alone the thought of him watching it. Not only that but this will DESTROY your marriage it will leave him wanting more and likely bringing in other people outside the marriage for sex and one of you will get jealous and feel disconnected. I hate to say this but in my honest opinion he has some major flaws in his character and personality i feel he has been corrupted honestly and i worry for you. Almost always a marriage fails when you bring other people from outside into your marriage and start sexing it up with them. 


best of luck 

if you are not into this idea at all than you two are really different than one another and it seems not compatible. The thing is his desire for this and fantasy will not go away and their is likely other people and things he'd like to do in your marriage.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Yes, this is a fairly common fantasy. No, it's not that common that people actually go through with it. I freely admit to having this fantasy myself. From my perspective it was all about watching her being pleasured without distraction of actually pleasuring her. Plus I thought that she would get more sexual satisfaction from another better built man. She and I have talked about this at length and I now know that she doesn't want any of that. She really does enjoy me and I really do enjoy the "distraction" of pleasuring her. My wife enjoys this fantasy now that she knows I'll never make her go through with it. She enjoys it enthusiastically! 

The other posters are right in that this is something that should be left as a fantasy. Your husband has convinced himself that you'll like it once you try it. He's not thinking about STD's (many of which condoms won't protect you from). There is also at least one woman on Experience Project who left her husband for the man her husband demanded she have sex with.

Hold fast to your convictions. Tell him that's a boundary that you just won't cross. That if he really wants you to have sex with another man, it will be your next husband.


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## Upset and confused (Nov 1, 2011)

dubbizle said:


> When you start throwing around the word rape[getting her raped] you need to be very cautious,I think we need to hear from the poster on that one.
> 
> We don't know he is trying to force her into it,he could be just bring it up every few months,I would like to hear from HER about these questions and not make guesses.


I am thinking in all ways it would be rape as I have repeatedly told him I cannot do this. I am afraid as to what will happen. I think it is time I realize my marriage is over and I need to talk to him about that. I don't know where to go or how to go about it but I am going to have to do something before I find myself in a situation I can't get out of


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sorry you are in this situation, OP 

it really is a bad situation. I see no respect for you and you dont' deserve that.


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