# Wife has never bothered to fake an orgasam.Does that say anything?



## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

This is something I've been thinking about a bit lately as I've read some TAM threads and done some reading.My wife has never at any point appeared to have an orgasm during intercourse,we've been together 8+ years dating and marriage included.So she's never bothered to pretend to have an orgasm during sex and never said anything about it.I never gave it much thought either,until now.Heck sometimes she doesn't make a sound at all during sex.I read these threads with women saying they're faking it for their husband and think,"Wow".Does the fact that she never has thought to pretend to have an orgasm say anything?Does it say something about me?Ladies do any of you have personal experience with this?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And you never worried about if she was enjoying sex? Like asking her?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Can i ask some question to get a better idea of what is going on? This may sound stupid like a stupid one but how do you know she does not have an orgasm? Maybe she can't orgasm with PIV have you tried stimulating her clitoris? Do you know anything about her sexual history? 

Does she seem to enjoy sex? Does she turn you down and how often? Do you and your wife feel comfortable talking about sex? If you don't want to bring up the orgasm directly, can you start by talking about what you both like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pepsi1967 (Aug 15, 2013)

I think there is something missing...love making comes with communication and expressing. there should be definite indications that she has had an orgasm and those signs need to be recognized by you. you both need to sit and talk about it if you want to experience sex with each other in a more satisfying way.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I faked before my husband because I was embarrassed I wasn't having orgasms as I assumed women just did with PIV.

For the first 10 years of marriage I didn't fake. I really wanted my husband to notice, wanted him to take an interest in it happening, wanted to take time to figure it out but I was not able to bring it up and he never asked if I was or wasn't or how we could change this.

When I started faking after 10 years it was to flatter my husband and because I wanted him to think of me as a woman who loved sex with him, desired him and was always available.

In my opinion - you should bring it up to her. Ask her what's going on with that and if she has orgasms on her own and how can you help her have one during sex. Maybe, like me, she doesn't know how to bring it up to you.


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

Yeah, my wife also never faked an orgasm. It's easy to tell since she never had an orgasm with me.

She said few times that she regrets not faking it considering how much damage this has caused me and still causes.

I have always appreciated her honesty and wouldn't want to live an illusion.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Incidently - may I ask why you haven't thought much about her getting off until just recently?

I'm sure I am more sensitive to this having been through it. When the stuff got real with my husband a few months ago I tried to focus on new beginnings and didn't care to blame and point fingers. So we never got around to talking about if he cared I wasn't getting off or why he never asked, etc. This has me curious.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't want my wife to fake orgasms or to feel she has to. If I'm not hitting her targets, I need to adjust fire and her faking won't help make me a better marksman. My goal is to give her pleasure and only honest feedback is likely to make that happen. I'd rather get an honest correction than dishonest orgasm sounds. Unless she's got some medical complication, I can't think of any reason your wife couldn't orgasm. Might take a while and it might mean doing something very different than you're used to, but if she's got the typical plumbing and the breath of life in her, you can curl her toes.


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> I can't think of any reason your wife couldn't orgasm.


In a book 'Elusive orgasm' the author has named 25 categories of reasons why orgasms are not happening and not one category is for medical reasons.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Can i ask some question to get a better idea of what is going on? This may sound stupid like a stupid one but how do you know she does not have an orgasm? Maybe she can't orgasm with PIV have you tried stimulating her clitoris? Do you know anything about her sexual history?
> 
> Does she seem to enjoy sex? Does she turn you down and how often? Do you and your wife feel comfortable talking about sex? If you don't want to bring up the orgasm directly, can you start by talking about what you both like?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I am saying that she has never appeared to have an orgasm.Meaning she has never screamed dramatically in some sort of uncontrollable way.No we have never discussed her past partners.She has orgasmed from clitoral stimulation/oral sex.Yes she does turn me down,Id say maybe 3 out of ten times.I'd say we don't feel all that comfortable talking about sex.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Upset because your wife does not fake it??? :scratchhead: Now I've heard it all.

So you want her to fake it so you feel better. How about the two of you figure out why he's not having the big "O"? And then work towards that. Much better than faking it.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> Incidently - may I ask why you haven't thought much about her getting off until just recently?
> 
> This has me curious.


Well I was giving her orgasms through oral sex.She never mentioned it,so I didn't make a big deal of it.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

100% of the women I know who aren't getting off are only lacking in prolonged enough and direct enough clitoral stimulation. They can do it to themselves but think it will take way too long to direct another person, they are embarrassed to ask or tell their partner and this sometimes leads to a heap of resentment and shutting down sexually.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

If you were giving her orgasms then there is no reason to fake. 

Or maybe she WAS faking those - would that make you feel better?


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Upset because your wife does not fake it??? :scratchhead: Now I've heard it all.
> 
> So you want her to fake it so you feel better. QUOTE]
> 
> I'm not upset.It just got me to thinking,you hear about these women faking orgasms,I was wondering since my wife clearly doesn't,does that say anything about me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jack I said:


> I'm not upset.It just got me to thinking,you hear about these women faking orgasms,I was wondering since my wife clearly doesn't,does that say anything about me.


I'm confused even further.

First you say that your wife does not have orgasms.

Then you say that she has them from oral sex.

Could you explain further?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sorry, I missed reading the first time through, when you said she didn't have orgasms from intercourse. My SO rarely (like 2 or three times in the 2+ years we've been seeing each other) has orgasms strictly from intercourse. And she never fakes them. We've talked about it, and I've told her I'd really really really prefer she didn't fake anything with me. I'm ok if she's ok not having an orgasm, although if she wants to try "one more time", I'm all for it as well.

We often use a small bullet vibrator on her clit when I'm inside here. Works great, puts her over the edge, often with a squirting orgasm. But if that doesn't work, oral with my fingers will take care of it.

So no, I don't think you should be upset that she doesn't fake. Although I wouldn't be happy if my SO just lay there like a dead fish, either...

C


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ok I missed the "during intercourse" bit as well.

Only about 25% of women can have orgasms from intercourse.

I think that most women do not fake orgasms. Why would they want to give out false signals?


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## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

maybe it says that she is honest?


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I'd be pissed if a partner faked an O.

Then I would never know if she ever orgasmed for real.

Most girls don't orgasm from PIV. Some girls don't orgasm at all, ever, from anything. If she can orgasm at all and you know how to do it, consider yourself lucky. Don't worry that it's not from sex, just pleasure your woman.

Talk to her about it. Let her know you care about her satisfaction.


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## Mark72 (May 26, 2012)

You have to be at a point where you care enough to make sure you are doing what she likes. It took me about 6 years of research and practice, but I found my wife's "sweet spot" and developed several methods of hitting it. Once you do, fake orgasms won't even cross either of your minds.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Well I am saying that she has never appeared to have an orgasm.Meaning she has never screamed dramatically in some sort of uncontrollable way.No we have never discussed her past partners.She has orgasmed from clitoral stimulation/oral sex.Yes she does turn me down,Id say maybe 3 out of ten times.I'd say we don't feel all that comfortable talking about sex.



I think I understand what you're saying.
She's never had an O from PIV, and you would like to see her have that , but geting her to open up about it may be difficult.
Also you probably don't understand how the PIV orgasms work?

There are different sexual positions you can use to help her with this, but a few things must first be taken into consideration , like penis shape , size and so forth.
Every _body_ is not the same, and we respond differently to different types of sexual stimuli.
There are also other variables like foreplay , intensity ,mental stimulation and so on.

There are a few books and websites that can help with this.

Here is one website you might be interested in:

The Lovers' Guide : Illustrated Sex Positions

There are many others. 
Maybe both of you could have a look. There are also instructional , tastefully done DVD's.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

There are a couple of options to try to give her a PIV orgasm.

You can give her an orgasm using oral and/or manual, then immediately insert your penis and try to keep the orgasmic trend going.

You can also try penetrating her with your penis with minimal thrusting, while stimulating her cl!t with your fingers or a vibrator. This a more "tantric" approach, and for my wife and I, has led to multiple, intense orgasms.

Once my wife has achieved her first couple of orgasms, she really prefers PIV to get more of them. In fact there is a very particular cadence and force/penetration depth that she needs in order keep her orgasms coming (or "cumming").


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Well I am saying that she has never appeared to have an orgasm.*Meaning she has never screamed dramatically in some sort of uncontrollable way*.No we have never discussed her past partners.She has orgasmed from clitoral stimulation/oral sex.Yes she does turn me down,Id say maybe 3 out of ten times.I'd say we don't feel all that comfortable talking about sex.


So in other words, you are wanting to see porn in real life? In my experiences, women don't have those porn type screaming tear your hair out convulsive in real life, and many woman do not O through PIV. My STBW only goes about 3/10 times through PIV, and until me, she had never gone that way. She does O nearly 100% through oral and fingers. She has never faked with me, and I am very glad.

I think if I was with a woman who had one of those porn style orgasms, I would have a really hard time keeping a straight face. I'd probably fall out of her laughing my ass off...just sayin...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> So in other words, you are wanting to see porn in real life? In my experiences, women don't have those porn type screaming tear your hair out convulsive in real life, and many woman do not O through PIV. My STBW only goes about 3/10 times through PIV, and until me, she had never gone that way. She does O nearly 100% through oral and fingers. She has never faked with me, and I am very glad.
> 
> I think if I was with a woman who had one of those porn style orgasms, I would have a really hard time keeping a straight face. I'd probably fall out of her laughing my ass off...just sayin...


Not really.

In my experience , some women do have those type of
" screaming orgasms " sometimes. Even my wife at times.
I call it " free falling " which does include body convulsions, plenty fluids, wobbly, shaky legs resulting in the inability to walk afterwards .

And sometimes, I have it too. [ minus the screaming ! ]


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Not really.
> 
> In my experience , some women do have those type of
> " screaming orgasms " sometimes. Even my wife at times.
> ...


Of course there are women who do just that, but to have an expectation of it is setting yourself up for disappointment as I really do not think that is the norm.

My STBW on occasion has had orgasms so powerful that she is twitching for the next five minutes and looking into her eyes, you can tell she is not even in the same universe, and other times it's just heavy breathing for a couple of minutes. Whats really fun is projectile squitrting from her tear ducts because it was so powerful 

My point was that to base you expectations off of porn style orgasms is setting yourself up for disappointment.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> My point was that to base you expectations off of porn style orgasms is setting yourself up for disappointment.


Ok.

Yes I agree!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

TheStranger said:


> In a book 'Elusive orgasm' the author has named 25 categories of reasons why orgasms are not happening and not one category is for medical reasons.


Haven't read the book but if the author is male, he can send his wife over. If I can't get her where she needs to go, she's either dead or in a coma.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> So in other words, you are wanting to see porn in real life? In my experiences, *women don't have those porn type screaming tear your hair out convulsive in real life*, and many woman do not O through PIV. My STBW only goes about 3/10 times through PIV, and until me, she had never gone that way. She does O nearly 100% through oral and fingers. She has never faked with me, and I am very glad.
> 
> I think if I was with a woman who had one of those porn style orgasms, I would have a really hard time keeping a straight face. I'd probably fall out of her laughing my ass off...just sayin...


Really? I have those kind very often. I also 'black out' from orgasms when it gets really strong. When I black out I don't mean go limp. I mean I have no memory of what I did and said. 

If a guy laughed at me for having what for me is normal, that would be the last time he was in my bed.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> samyeagar said:
> 
> 
> > So in other words, you are wanting to see porn in real life? In my experiences, *women don't have those porn type screaming tear your hair out convulsive in real life*, and many woman do not O through PIV. My STBW only goes about 3/10 times through PIV, and until me, she had never gone that way. She does O nearly 100% through oral and fingers. She has never faked with me, and I am very glad.
> ...


Well, he did preface that with the words "in my experience"... so, unless you were in his bed, then he is correct about what he has experienced.









Also, his experience actually validates my own. I've never had that type of orgasm. I've never blacked out, etc. I've also never faked any. The only time I EVER have any during PIV is if there is clit stimulation. Otherwise, only during oral and/or manual stimulation.

Jack, just talk to her if it bothers you. Seriously, though, not every woman orgasms via PIV.

_Posted via *Topify* using Android_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I can't imagine faking an orgasm any more than I can imagine having sex with someone who didn't take the time to find out what gave me pleasure...

You and your W need to communicate about how you feel and what makes you both feel good. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both of you.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Really? I have those kind very often. I also 'black out' from orgasms when it gets really strong. When I black out I don't mean go limp. I mean I have no memory of what I did and said.
> 
> If a guy laughed at me for having what for me is normal, that would be the last time he was in my bed.


Aren't those the best?!?! It doesn't happen every time to me, but when it does, it's great.
I don't mind the laughing though. I remember the first time that I had such an intense O that my legs started trembling uncontrollably. We were laying in an exhausted heap and my leg was thrown over my H, so he was very aware of it. He started laughing, which made me laugh, which made the trembling even worse. Lasted almost an hour and he just laid there and watched in amusement as I kept trying to hold my legs still.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

butterscotch said:


> Dopamine. Hell of a drug.


Where can you purchase it and how much does it cost?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Well I was giving her orgasms through oral sex.She never mentioned it,so I didn't make a big deal of it.


This thread has been an example of poor communication. It is very difficult to understand what you are asking, really. 

Talking about sex is not making a big deal out of it. 

The translation is actually that talking about sex is, to you, a big deal. That is exactly what the problem is. It doesn't have anything to do with her faking orgasms or not.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Really? I have those kind very often.* I also 'black out' from orgasms when it gets really strong.* When I black out I don't mean go limp. I mean I have no memory of what I did and said.


This^^^ is what I meant by " free falling."
I've seen this happen , even with my wife, and in the past it has even happened to me.
I've had orgasms where I felt I was going to black out.
So intense that the PC muscles actually hurt.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Where can you purchase it and how much does it cost?


lol!

_" There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's mastercard.."_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Upset because your wife does not fake it??? :scratchhead: Now I've heard it all.
> 
> So you want her to fake it so you feel better. How about the two of you figure out why he's not having the big "O"? And then work towards that. Much better than faking it.


Oh I don't know, my ex hb told me I was supposed to pretend that I liked it. There are men like this.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, he did preface that with the words "in my experience"... so, unless you were in his bed, then he is correct about what he has experienced.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


He said that he would laugh if he ever saw a woman do that. So I thought he needed to know that it was not all that uncommon and that laughing would not be a good idea.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> Oh I don't know, my ex hb told me I was supposed to pretend that I liked it. There are men like this.....


One of my sisters was married to a guy who told her that the female orgasm is a myth perpetuated by feminism. He insisted on sex every day and refused to do anything for her. She ended divorcing him.. what a stupid man.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> One of my sisters was married to a guy who told her that the female orgasm is a myth perpetuated by feminism. He insisted on sex every day and refused to do anything for her. She ended divorcing him.. what a stupid man.


Too bad we can't hook him up with my ex, they could knuckle drag together. Or did I just insult knuckle draggers?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> He said that he would laugh if he ever saw a woman do that. So I thought he needed to know that it was not all that uncommon and that laughing would not be a good idea.


I can understand addressing the laughing part.... my only thought on that is that you bolded only the part about women not having the porn orgasms, but didn't bold the part about laughing. Which is why I commented that he said it had been his own experience that he'd never been with a woman who did that. I've only heard of it on TAM and what others say is in porn, so it would be odd to me as well. And, I could easily understand his sentiment that he'd possibly laugh...especially if he had seen exactly the same thing in a porn flick.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> One of my sisters was married to a guy who told her that the female orgasm is a myth perpetuated by feminism. He insisted on sex every day and refused to do anything for her. She ended divorcing him.. what a stupid man.


Wow! I can't imagine continuing to have sex if I didn't get anything out of it. I'm way too selfish for that


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## teasipper (Oct 3, 2013)

Well, ask her what she wants. Read a couple of really good marriage/sexual self-help books and take their advice to heart. Good sex is mostly above the neck. i.e. is sex about mutual pleasure, mutual comfort, is it a whole body experience, or are you just jacking each other off? 

When we were first married my husband took my lead and treated sex as above; about 2 weeks after we were married my husband started treating me like three buttons. He pushes this one tugs on that one and rubs the other one 'till I'm sore. 

He used to tell me not to use sex as a weapon 'cause he could replace me with his right hand. After 18 years of marriage I finally told him to consider me replaced. He took a sexual dynamo who could give HIM multiples and turned me into a sexless wonder. 

BTW, I never faked either.


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