# Teen Stealing Credit Cards - what would you do?



## snix11

Ok, here goes. 

16 yr old stepson 'borrowed' his dad's credit card several months ago and spend almost 800.00. when confronted a month later (we got the statement) he admited what he had done and worked around the house to pay back the amount. 

I might add it was actually 'my' credit card that I had put dad on as a signor (sp) so I ended up paying for that.

He did it again a few months later, this time with my credit card and it was 300.00. 

I had 500.00 cash stolen out of my desk in November. Nobody knows who did it. Dad says anyone could have done it and did nothing except ask once who did it. I wanted a full scale inquisition, but he didn't think it would do any good to find out who the culprit was.

Three days ago, my 1000oz silver bar was stolen out of our house. I called the police and made a report. It was worth over 17,000. Nobody knows who did it.

Today, I found out the same kid stole my credit card again and spent money at six flags where he works. He sheepishly grinned and said to his dad 'i was thirsty' and threw a couple of bucks on my desk and sauntered out. Dad did nothing else. 

Between the money that the teen had admitted he stole and other infractions (like running up an 1800.00 cell phone bill!!!) 
the teen in question owes me about 3600.00

He's working part time at six flags and he does turn over his paychecks to us. 

However, he also lies about going to work and his schedule. He may be scheduled to work 20 hours a week and only bring home a check for under 40.00. He has lied also by saying he was at work and he was out with his freinds in the family truck. 

This has GOT to stop. My husband's credit cards that were stolen were actually mine, but I put him on the card. I do trust my husband, he doesn't steal and insists that stealing is the 'worst' thing someone can do, but refuses to do anything about this out of control teenager. 

What can I do? What would you do? 

1. Call the cops and have the kid arrested?
2. ground the teen?
3. other?

I have reason to believe that this same kid was also behind my credit card 'fraud' charges from a few months ago to the tune of over 12,000. I may never be able to prove this, however. But the teens best freind just happened to turn up with clothing from the same stores my credit card was stolen from. 

Also, this teen told me that he had 'borrowed' my credit card in September and 'lost' it at six flags at work. He claims this accounts for someone picking up the card and the fraud. 

Frankly I'm angry enough to spit bullets and Hubby (dad) won't do anything about it other than yell at the kid a little bit and tell him he has to pay it back.

Now what????


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## humpty dumpty

protect your credit cards !! change the numbers and only you have a copy ! its clear that daddy cant controll him or cant be bothered to , make it clear it will not be tollerated and call the police .
whats he using the money for ?


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## MarkTwain

I think your stepson is learning from his father how to treat women and mothers. but actually he is learning from you, because you allow it.

Crack down on H in a big way in front of the son, and who knows, he might even 'fess up. If you don't firm up, another male will be "at large" in the world giving women a hard time.


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## humpty dumpty

I totally can't belive that you have let it go on ! not once or twice but more times . You need be strong and not allow it to happern again.
I would also be concerned to where the money is going ! drugs drink who knows !


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## StrongEnough

I would call the credit card company and dispute all charges that weren't yours. I would cancel all cards except yours and do away with the additional card for your husband. I would invest in a safe that only you know the combination to and store anything of value in there. Additionally, I would ask the credit card company to reissue a new card (different number) for yourself in case he was smart enough to write your credit card number down.


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## swedish

:iagree:


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## marina72

OMG!!!! You Poor thing! I can't believe your husband is not doing Anything! you've had a 17000 dollar silver bar stolen, almost 20000 of charges on credit cards and all the other stuff you listed. Even if you can't prove your stepson did everything, he most likely did. The cash being missing... Everything... is very indicative of someone you know stealing from you. It would be absurd to say anyone else is doing it, as the past is the best predictor of the present and future. If your hubby wont' do anything, I would for Sure have your credit card numbers changed, I would even take hubby's name off of them, especially if the boy shares his name as a junior. This is just me, but if anything like that happened again, I would most certainly call the police, and have charges brought. This is insane! I can't believe this kid would do this to you. You might want to make sure he's not in to drugs too.... that is a distinct possibilty. What this kid is doing is felony theft of property. He is old enough to be charged as an adult also. I hate to say it, but if someone was doing it to me, I sure wouldn't let it continue. That is just my opinion, you have to do what you feel is right for you and the kid, and your hubby.

ps. once you report fraud charges on your credit card account, the card company can and usually will conduct an investigation, especially for an amount like 12,000 dollars. they can and will look at the cameras at the stores that the card was used at, and if they find that your stepson was the one doing this, or whoever it is , from what I understand, they can press charges against him/them.


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## Wyst

What a laugh for a teen when he keeps getting away with it! Fat joke to share with his cronies. It stops here. Everything goes to the police. He needs to learn now that crime doesn't pay. 

However, that is not the end. The whole area of youth in conflict with the law is a big one and there needs to be a plan to reclaim this young man. please take a look at this website The Reclaiming Youth Network for some help. The Response Ability Pathways course in communicating with youth is great. I have done it. Circle of Courage is an organisation which does fantastic work in helping young people to come to terms with difficult situations, and learn to be responsible adults.


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## GAsoccerman

A couple of things...

you did not once state that he was also YOUR SON, he may be a step son, but he is your son now. you referred to him as "Him, that teen, this kid, etc"

there is a disconnection.

well sounds like a teen taking his parents money and spending it, happens all across the US.

Also sounds like your husband has the "don't want my son to hate me syndrome" where he wants to be a buddy not a father.

Remove your husband from your credit cards.

Buy yourself a safe, and put your valuables in there and only you know the code.

Your stepson knows his dad is weak and can manipulate him and that he will choose his son over you.

I would talk to the local police, talk to someone that can help you, maybe they can "arrest" your son or put him in a program like "scared Straight"

But you need to have a serious discussion with your husband first and tell him this has to stop and he needs a back bone.

then have the talk with your stepson.

also, maybe "take" some of the stuff he purchased away from him. Give it to charity or sell it on ebay...

or make him sell it and give it to charity.

Your his step mother, act like it. 

tell your husband to act like a father as well.

stop being a hostage.


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## snix11

Since hubby and i aren't legally married, i can't do much other than to press charges. I've already talked to hubby about that, and he was appalled i would even consider it. For my biological kids, i would in a heartbeat. 

Yes, hubby is in, lets not upset the son mode. i mean really. oh well. 

Have locked up the cc's, left one in hubby's name for now. he considers it grounds for divorce if i take him off my cc's. *rolleyes*


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## MsStacy

*You're kidding, right? * 

H doesn't discipline his son for STEALING??? And then has the balls to threaten you with divorce for protecting your credit by taking his card away? 

Oh honey, you SO have the tail wagging the dog in your family it's incredible.

I just literally felt my blood pressure skyrocket when reading your post. :FIREdevil: This is insane. 

So...you lock up your cards...hope H doesn't leave his anywhere his felon son can get his hands on it...and just hope that the son doesn't have the number conveniently stashed away somewhere? Uh, NO! Get on the phone and have new cards issued. If you can't stand up to H, tell him because of the fraud claims you have filed, the company has issued a new card with a new number and only one card came in your name. If he needs a credit card, he can go out and get his own. Let son have access to THAT card!


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## MarkTwain

snix11-

Now that things are going better on your other thread, you must work your way round to addressing this discipline issue soon as well.

I'm sorry but you come across as an absolute pushover. "No more Mrs. Nice person" is what you need. Read books on personal boundaries and self worth. You need accurate information on your place in the self worth spectrum. GET IT.

Once you are no longer in denial, you might get somewhere. You won't get anywhere if you kid yourself that this is not the case.

Gurdjieff once told a story of a man who deluded himself that he was a king. He lived in rags, but in his mind he was fabulously rich. Because he believed he was already wealthy, he made no attempt to earn money. He died a pauper.


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## snix11

On another note, hubby let his son go out till after 4am. I'm really worried that he will drive drunk. The son has been 'borrowing' the truck now several times a week, staying out with his friends till 4-5am all the time. Because the truck is registered in my name but i gave the truck to hubby as a present, i'm at odds as to what to do. what i want to do is to tell the teen that if he takes the truck again after 12am, that i will report it as stolen.

I'll try and get this thru to hubby. sigh.


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## GAsoccerman

snix, I had a policy with my parents in HS, they knew I went to parties and drank.

I had 2 options. 1. call for a ride at anytime, or 2. Crash at my friends house and come home the next day. They knew I was safe and knew I was having fun but having it under control.

I was a better kid from the respect my mother gave me


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## Wyst

I still reckon the one losing the most in this is the kid. He is getting himself into one hell of a mess. His values and own sense of self worth and worth of others is screwed. What else does he have to do to get the attention he needs and sense that he matters?

I hope somewhere, somehow someone will be able to get through to him and remind him that he is important and worthwhile.

He is young and he needs help.


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## snix11

Update on the problem child - 

Dad is very (too) forgiving of said son until he mouths off to dad. Then they really get into it, sometimes physically. 

He refused to do his chores, told dad he wasn't going to get up (at 11am) and for dad to pi$$ off. Yeah, that went over well.

So kid leaves. Dad goes after him. tells him to come home. kid sulks for a few days, eating everything in site, but not doing any chores, staying up till 3am playing xbox, the usual teen couch potato nonsense. 

Finally I had enough. I asked hubby if I could deal with it. He said yes. I told the kid (we'll call him A) that i appreciated that he didn't seem happy here. Asked if it was anything specific. He said no. Said he had broken up with his girlfreind and told me of some other usual teen troubles. I said i understood that sometimes life gets a little hard, but that it was nice to have a family to come home to that would always love you. I also mentioned that with that love and food and shelter comes the responsibility to help out. 

I said that he was welcome to live in our house if he could do his chores on a regular basis and live by our rules. Otherwise we would love him no matter where he lived. 

He dropped the attitude and just asked if he could get some of his clothes and the book his dad was asking him to read. I said yes. Then he called one of his friends and said he needed a ride because we were 'kicking him out'. Ahem. yes, well, son... call it how you want to. 

When he got off the phone i asked him if he really felt that we were kicking him out. he said no, but that if he said he was getting kicked out, he was more likely to get a ride. I agreed with him, but said that starting out a mooch session with a friend by lying to him probably wasn't the best idea. I wished him well, gave him a hug and asked him to call every couple of days so his dad wouldn't worry.

Dad took it really well. This was three days ago - we've adjusted.

He's still living at his friends house. playing xbox etc. Nothing else has gone missing since he's been gone. I wish him well. If he decides to come back, there will be no lectures. but he will be required to obey the rules and make up for the worry he caused his dad.

Ah, teenagers


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## MarkTwain

What about that gold bar???


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## GAsoccerman

so the kids are out of your lives and your happy???

I guess you both will feel real good when he is in jail.

some things really perplex me how people think, including this boy and his father.


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## snix11

Mark - silver bar. Still no sign of it, police took a statement that day and nobody has done anything. I'm counting it a loss.

soccerman - what IS your problem these days? please reread the posts until you either understand them or can ask a question without sarcasm or bitterness. Get happy dude. go smell a flower or something


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## GAsoccerman

Oh snix I am very happy, I have a great life with my wife and children...

But I wouldn't be happy if my son, step-son or whatever you wish to call your boyfriends sion since your not legally married.

ran away to go live with his friend. Stole from us, has ZERO care in the world for his life.

right now this kid is empty inside, more then likely suicidal, he doesn't care about anything or anyone....Dangerous combination.

Yet your happy that he is gone. I guess that is great you WON! the "problem" is gone.

As for your silver bar, did you ever think about checking it with the banks? or pawn shops? I would imagine there is some type of serial number on it that can be traced. Not exactly a everyday item for currency and probably worth more now then it was 6 months ago in this economy.

Ok he is gone...whew no more stealing......

gotcha, apparently his life is meaningless to you. 

Kudos.


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## snix11

You idiot 

Said kid is NOT suicidal, in fact he's just been hanging out playing Xbox at his friends all week. somehow I don't think Halo is a contributing factor to teen suicide. lol.

zero care in the world right now? yeah, that's about right. But that will soon be coming to an end. there is usually only so long a mooch is welcome.

I'm not happy that he's gone so much as happy my H doesn't have to fight with him every day and i don't have to lock up my money, keys and credit cards. I'm taking good care of myself and my family and letting this 16 year old (almost 17 now) deal with his feelings of entitlement in a way that does not negatively impact the family.

As for the silver bar - The day it was stolen, i contacted the police, the banks, every pawn, jeweler and coin dealer within 80 miles. And have kept contacted them every week. The police have taken a statement and done NOTHING else. I'm not sure what else we can do. And actually it's worth a good deal less than it was 8 months ago. 

I'm not happy A stole from us. I'm not happy he's having some teenage angst. I AM happy we know where he is, he's not on the streets and while he's over there living the life of riley right now, i do not think that will last. I AM happy that there is no more anger or violence in the house related to him. He would pick on the little kids unmercifully and I did not appreciate that behavior. I love A, but i'm not going to give up the health or safety of the other 5 kids to appease him.

I think he's very lucky i didn't call the police when he stole things. My Husband and I are in agreement regarding it. Should he come home and want to obey the rules, I'll welcome him with open arms.

His life isn't meaningless to me... yours on the other hand....


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## MarkTwain

snix11 said:


> My Husband and I are in agreement regarding it.


That's positive. Sometimes adversity can bring warring factions together, like the War Effort in WWII... you need to build on this. I am ruthless in grabbing every opportunity - you should be too.


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## snix11

MT, I am 

besides, Feb is "love month" and i'll be giving my ALL. 

we'll see how it goes. 

Giving my all without being able to bring up ANY issues tho... strange and unhealthy I think... but no way I can see around it right now.


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## snix11

Update on wayward kid - he's staying with the same friend, Brock. Brock has an apartment that his parents pay for. This place has become the 'flop house' for about six teens. Some work, most just stick around for 6-8 months and play xbox. 

Is it optimal? no. But he's been running away from home here and taking our trucks (he doesn't have a license) or just walking out and getting rides. According to the sheriff, since he's 16, he's not considered a runaway. and yet, not an adult either. go figure. 

We all miss him, but hope he's getting his act together.


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## StrongEnough

At 16, shouldn't this child still be in school? Is he still attending school?


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## snix11

StronEnough - He graduated High school over a year ago. He was home schooled and graduated right before his 15th birthday.

Hubby and I came up with a family rule for high school graduates - six months free - no responsibilities other than chores. Any money you make during that time is yours to keep. 

After six months you must be either going to college, working full time or working part time and going to college part time. Rent is assessed on a sliding scale based on income with a minimum of 75.00 per month and calculated at 30% of your income. Chores are split up among everybody in the house based on age, ability and a lottery system.

Working from home is an option as we have a small farm, six kids and lots to do here.

My 21 yr old retarded daughter is living in town at a group home and visits on the weekends. She is doing really well for having her disability and has been out on her own since she was 17 after graduating high school. She did her last semester at the local high school so she could 'walk down the isle' and wear the cap and gown. The boys were given the same option but decided they would just as soon do their own thing.

My 17 yr old son works at home, as a 9-5 M-F babysitter for me while I work and is in charge of home maintenance, cooking, and has some chores. He's planning on starting college next month - an online degree from Phoenix coupled with an evening apprenticeship in Electronics. He's saved over 2000.00 and is a good kid. He's a gifted dsylexic and was home schooled from grade 2-12.

More info than you requested, but might give you a better picture of the ages and things.


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## bhappy3

I may have missed something here, but now that "said kid" is not living at home on the farm anymore, have you let down your guard? I fear that he might still come back, invited or not, just to take cc or money or whatever he needs/wants when he gets desperate. Have you invested in a safe or lockbox or some way of safeguarding your valuables? All relationship aside, this is my main concern.


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## snix11

I've let down my guard somewhat. However, I check my credit cards on line daily, i keep all my cash and credit cards in a different place known only to me and my husband. 

Do i think he'd come back in the middle of the night and steal us blind? not unless he got desperate. He came over saturday to his brother's birthday party. He seemed ok. He's working on getting a job with his roommates father doing construction. 

I don't think he's so much a 'bad' kid as an opportunist. The next few weeks will tell us how he's doing.


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## bhappy3

Have you gotten new cc since he took the last ones? They're right... he may still have the numbers. 

I'm such a tight wad when it comes to money, I'm squeaky like tupperware! Just always safeguard your valuables. =)


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## snix11

thanks bhappy... i usually do. I've been homeless and had money so i've seen both sides. 

it's not the money so much as not being able to trust people living in my house. THAT bugs me.


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## bhappy3

I'm sure it does bug you, it would bug me too. And that is all the more reason for you to safeguard your valuables.


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## snix11

So far so good. Teen showed up today for his SS card so he can go apply for jobs. They are down to their last flat of ramen and I wonder how long this will last?


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## bhappy3

Do you have an update?


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## snix11

Hi bhappy - yes, he's doing well. they got their rent paid and he got a job with our neighbor helping with his construction business. 

Both my husband and I were out on our own by the time we were 12, so him being on his own at 16 shouldn't feel too strange. But, he's the second one out of the nest, so it still feels strange. We always want life to be so much easier on our kids than it was for us!

We are talking to him every day now, he's doing well. With his mother an alcoholic on the streets and other family members (hubby's side of the family) in similar straits, we were worried about him, but he seems to be doing well. He's still welcome to come back home if he wants to - but under our rules (aka no stealing and pull your share of the work) He visits a couple of times a week now. 

We are thankful that he's in the same town. Also it's easier on the teen to be able to 'be himself' with his roommate. His father doesn't know he's bi and would have (will have?) a fit when and if he finds out. I'm ok with it, no happy but not freaked out by it either. I think that is a major reason he's happier now. 

I'm surprised he hasn't told his mother he moved out yet, but I suppose under the circumstances he would feel obligated to let her move in with him and he doesn't want to deal with having to support his mom.


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