# Going through separation and I am not ready for divorce



## Swat26 (Mar 25, 2019)

Hii..
My husband and I have been separated for 6 months... and it’s been one year since we got married...He used to talk to me everyday in the beginning of separation period and later one day he told me that he doesn’t love me and he wants me to work on my life and he doesn’t want to be a burden for me.... he actually didn’t talk about divorce but told me his decision about divorce will be based on my decision so he asked me to think abt it... but I told him that I respect his words and also clearly said that I am not ready for divorce and I wanna reconcile this marriage... after this talk he again texted me and felt sorry for the fight...again for a period of few weeks we had decent communication and now suddenly my husband is completely distant and he is not replying to any of my msgs... it’s going to be one month since we spoke with each other....i did all the begging, pleading, crying...I even tried to text him everyday and initiated the contact whenever he is not ready to contact... I think I have messed up something and that might hurted him...i tried to ask him but he is not ready to open up with me and recently he texted me saying “ Wat you want now”... I don't know how to talk to him reg this ..I am afraid if I text or call him again and again he might feel distant and never talk to me again ..
Pls help me!!!!


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

OP, going to be a little blunt here, but he sounds a little manipulative.

You said you were only married 1 year and he’s already pulling this crap? It honestly sounds like he himself is not mature enough to be married or does not know how to communicate effectively.

This may be advice you don’t want to hear, but I suggest at least protecting yourself. 

Did you try counseling?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I think you need to leave him alone, stop reaching out. Your husband wants to divorce, but he wants YOU to be the one to actually say it and take that action, so that HE doesnt have to be the bad guy. I am so sorry you are here after such a short time in your marriage, but if this is how he handles things, you are better off to find out so early on, instead of investing more years of your life into it. 

What issues brought on this separation?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

how long have you been together prior to marriage ? what was the basis of the separation?


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Where is he living if not with you?
Is there any chance there's another women?
Do you have kids?
Are you financially dependent on him?

He has to want to be married (focus on his actions not his promises). Some people are immature and just not ready to be married. 

You can't control your husband's actions or thoughts or reactions. You can only control yourself. 

Be the strongest best version of yourself. Focus on yourself: go to the gym, new hair & clothes, start a hobby. Get out and meet people (volunteer at the hospital, or church is an easy way to meet people). 

Don't try to nice him back or allow him to manipulate or disrespect you. You loving him isn't enough - he has to love you back! And love isn't just words - it's his daily behavior.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why did he marry you so recently if he wasn't happy. What are his reasons for leaving?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

My WAG on this is he doesn't want to hear you beg for reconciliation. He is waiting to see what you will DO. 
He may be through waiting.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He said he didn't love you. He wants you to work on your life. 

Apparently he thinks your marriage was a mistake. Believe him and stop begging and pleading and crying. It won't help. 

Rebuild and move on.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

Stop the chase!! Tell him you're ok with the divorce is it heads that way, be independant, it's a power play reverse to roles act like you done with him and move on!! Push the divorce thru and watch this bum beg you back.


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## Swat26 (Mar 25, 2019)

Spoons027 said:


> OP, going to be a little blunt here, but he sounds a little manipulative.
> 
> You said you were only married 1 year and he’s already pulling this crap? It honestly sounds like he himself is not mature enough to be married or does not know how to communicate effectively.
> 
> ...



No... he is out of country and I am in India...


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## Swat26 (Mar 25, 2019)

3Xnocharm said:


> I think you need to leave him alone, stop reaching out. Your husband wants to divorce, but he wants YOU to be the one to actually say it and take that action, so that HE doesnt have to be the bad guy. I am so sorry you are here after such a short time in your marriage, but if this is how he handles things, you are better off to find out so early on, instead of investing more years of your life into it.
> 
> What issues brought on this separation?


The issue is because of my past relationship before marriage... we both know that we had some kind of past and we spoke abt it after marriage also...after 3 months of our marriage my EX wrote a letter and sent our photos to my in-laws... now they want us to be separated and apply for divorce... but my husband supported me in this till now he didn’t inform his parents that he is ready for divorce... after the prob also he spoke to me well and I celebrated his bday by sending cakes and so on... I recently went to his place and stayed there for 3 months,he was very happy for a period of one month and after that he started to avoid me completely bcoz he told his parents that I am at his place... so all these distant behaviour started after he informed to his parents... my husband is a very awesome human being... I know he loves me too... but something is bothering him... if he seriously hates me he wont texting me after I reached India..... I reached India 5 months back but stopped texting me last month all of a sudden... I don’t know why... he is not ready to open up...I am worried..


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## Swat26 (Mar 25, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Why did he marry you so recently if he wasn't happy. What are his reasons for leaving?


 The issue is because of my past relationship before marriage... we both know that we had some kind of past and we spoke abt it after marriage also...after 3 months of our marriage my EX wrote a letter and sent our photos to my in-laws... now they want us to be separated and apply for divorce... but my husband supported me in this till now he didn’t inform his parents that he is ready for divorce... after the prob also he spoke to me well and I celebrated his bday by sending cakes and so on... I recently went to his place and stayed there for 3 months,he was very happy for a period of one month and after that he started to avoid me completely bcoz he told his parents that I am at his place... so all these distant behaviour started after he informed to his parents... my husband is a very awesome human being... I know he loves me too... but something is bothering him... if he seriously hates me he wont texting me after I reached India..... I reached India 5 months back but stopped texting me last month all of a sudden... I don’t know why... he is not ready to open up...I am worried..


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## Swat26 (Mar 25, 2019)

Robert22205 said:


> Where is he living if not with you?
> Is there any chance there's another women?
> Do you have kids?
> Are you financially dependent on him?
> ...


No he is not living with me... I am staying with my parents... we don’t have kids bcoz my marriage was broke after 3 months of our marriage date...
The issue is because of my past relationship before marriage... we both know that we had some kind of past and we spoke abt it after marriage also...after 3 months of our marriage my EX wrote a letter and sent our photos to my in-laws... now they want us to be separated and apply for divorce... but my husband supported me in this till now he didn’t inform his parents that he is ready for divorce... after the prob also he spoke to me well and I celebrated his bday by sending cakes and so on... I recently went to his place and stayed there for 3 months,he was very happy for a period of one month and after that he started to avoid me completely bcoz he told his parents that I am at his place... so all these distant behaviour started after he informed to his parents... my husband is a very awesome human being... I know he loves me too... but something is bothering him... if he seriously hates me he wont texting me after I reached India..... I reached India 5 months back but stopped texting me last month all of a sudden... I don’t know why... he is not ready to open up...I am worried..


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## Swat26 (Mar 25, 2019)

Lostinthought61 said:


> how long have you been together prior to marriage ? what was the basis of the separation?


Just three months we were together...
The issue is because of my past relationship before marriage... we both know that we had some kind of past and we spoke abt it after marriage also...after 3 months of our marriage my EX wrote a letter and sent our photos to my in-laws... now they want us to be separated and apply for divorce... but my husband supported me in this till now he didn’t inform his parents that he is ready for divorce... after the prob also he spoke to me well and I celebrated his bday by sending cakes and so on... I recently went to his place and stayed there for 3 months,he was very happy for a period of one month and after that he started to avoid me completely bcoz he told his parents that I am at his place... so all these distant behaviour started after he informed to his parents... my husband is a very awesome human being... I know he loves me too... but something is bothering him... if he seriously hates me he wont texting me after I reached India..... I reached India 5 months back but stopped texting me last month all of a sudden... I don’t know why... he is not ready to open up...I am worried..


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Swat26 said:


> Hii..
> My husband and I have been separated for 6 months... and it’s been one year since we got married...He used to talk to me everyday in the beginning of separation period and later one day he told me that he doesn’t love me and he wants me to work on my life and he doesn’t want to be a burden for me.... he actually didn’t talk about divorce but told me his decision about divorce will be based on my decision so he asked me to think abt it... but I told him that I respect his words and also clearly said that I am not ready for divorce and I wanna reconcile this marriage... after this talk he again texted me and felt sorry for the fight...again for a period of few weeks we had decent communication and now suddenly my husband is completely distant and he is not replying to any of my msgs... it’s going to be one month since we spoke with each other....i did all the begging, pleading, crying...I even tried to text him everyday and initiated the contact whenever he is not ready to contact... I think I have messed up something and that might hurted him...i tried to ask him but he is not ready to open up with me and recently he texted me saying “ Wat you want now”... I don't know how to talk to him reg this ..I am afraid if I text or call him again and again he might feel distant and never talk to me again ..
> Pls help me!!!!


You mean you separated and you do not know why you separated?
Ok you said it was because of a past relationship which in conservative India could be a problem for parents but not necessarily him.
He is in control of what happens, but pretends you are holding the decision card. He is a mamma's boy who wants you but does not want to go against his conservative parents.
Which country are you coming from? Was this an arranged marriage?


Tell him you both go to counselling/marriage therapy now in the next 2 weeks, if not all bets are off and you go see a lawyer.
YOu cannot nice someone back into a relationship. If he is under the control of his parents you also cannot change his mind. If you are of the same race but from a western country, please return home and file for divorce, your life will only get worse from here on out.
He is acting very immature but as you know in conservative cultures like India, sex before marriage and prior relationships are frowned upon.

Why did you ex get you into so much trouble by posting photos etc to parents in law, is there back story you are not telling us? Was the relationship continuing?
YOu need to take back control of your own decisions and decide to set a deadline and tell him, its over if he doesn't stop the BS.


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## Swat26 (Mar 25, 2019)

aine said:


> Swat26 said:
> 
> 
> > Hii..
> ...


My relationship with my ex was over long ego..we are not into relationship now....my past relationship was completely an abusive one...so i ended that relationship...so He decided to ruin my marriage by informing all these to my in-laws... my past is not a prob for my husband bcoz he understood everything but it is a prob for my in-laws... yes he is from a very conservative family and his parents are forcing him for divorce...my husband knows everything about my past before all these prob occurs... but his parents are very stubborn so he couldn’t able to take any decision so he thinks that divorce will be a better option.. so that I can able to lead my life peacefully and he doesn’t want to be a burden for my life bcoz he thinks won’t allow us to live happily


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## Swat26 (Mar 25, 2019)

Swat26 said:


> aine said:
> 
> 
> > Swat26 said:
> ...


We are not living together now... he is in US and I am in India


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm not understanding... was your family not aware you had a relationship before? Is that something that you are not supposed to do? They are ok that he abused you, but are not ok that you had a relationship?


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Why did the EX want to damage your reputation?
Were the photos x rated?

Were you suppose to marry the EX?


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