# I want to be that woman



## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

I want to be the sexy, confident woman who makes her man turn to mush and rides him with a passion.

But I'm not.... I'm the insecure, clumsy woman that doesn't make her man feel sexy and has awkward moments of embarrassment. How do I have the high drive that I want? How do I stop worrying about my stomach flopping over onto his? I realize that most women don't look like porn stars, but why do I worry so much about it, when there are girls twice as big who have passion and fire in them. I feel like a wet sock. My H says that soon I'll be going into my prime(I'm 25), and he'll be leaving his(he's 28), so there is no hope for my future sexually?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You just need to realize that your husband chose to marry you the way you look. If he were only interested in models, he wouldn't have married you.

Also, most flaws in the bedroom can be covered up with enthusiasm. If you exhibit enthusiasm with your husband, he won't care if your technique is flawed, or your appearance is average. Enthusiasm can blow minds.

Good luck.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My h is almost 50 and hasn't decreased in his drive at all. 

A good way to boost your self esteem is to do cardio exercise! It makes you feel and look good. I've lost 100lbs after each child by exercising. I took up running, which I can't run anymore due to a massive neck injury. 

I was in my mid 20's when I started to walk then run. I took baby steps and worked my way up. I felt great after 3 months and my self confidence was building too. 

Also, buying a few new outfits and getting your hair done a different way may help too. Confidence has to do with perception and it all starts in the brain.

Good luck. I hope you find the confidence your looking for.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Ok, you are still very young. I would honestly say that I didn't come in to being fully confident in my sexuality until after 30. 

Try taking a few dance classes, preferably something that involves a lot of hip movement like jazz or hip hop to get some moves. 

Buy some sexy lingerie - corsets and stockings are a winner every time. Put on some music and dance sexy for him. 

He loves you. He loves the way you look, he loves your body. If you can envision that when you're with him, it will help a lot.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You are that woman! You just need to let her out. When having sex enjoy it, stop thinking about your stomach and how you look. Dress up, look your best, wear nice underwear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Do you have orgasms? That's the place the start - passion isn't just about pleasing the other person, it's also about you having orgasms and feeling sexual pleasure yourself. You won't be worrying about how you look when he's using his mouth to bring you to orgasm. If you aren't having orgasms, well, I don't see how your passionate you can really come out since you wouldn't be feeling passion and sex would be one-sided with only your H having orgasms.

If you are worried about your stomach, ride him reverse cowgirl. Or have sex lying on your side. Or doggy style. Try rear entry while you are lying on your stomach, legs together - that's a fantastic position for both of you in terms of feeling really good. 

Do some reading on women's sexuality, learn about your own body, do some exploring yourself (masturbation) to understand your turn ons better and then teach him how to turn you on. If you have trouble focusing during sex because you're worried what he's thinking and seeing, practice focusing only on his touches and what YOU are feeling. 

He's wrong about the prime stuff.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Ok, you are still very young. I would honestly say that I didn't come in to being fully confident in my sexuality until after 30.
> 
> Try taking a few dance classes, preferably something that involves a lot of hip movement like jazz or hip hop to get some moves.


:iagree:

If you have a chance to take any belly dancing classes, do it! It's amazing for lifting self esteem and for seeing that part of your body (belly and hips) as beautiful and sensual even if you don't have a perfect body.


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## bewilderness (Jun 11, 2013)

It is up to you to figure out what lights your fire! Don't be afraid to explore. Erotic art, erotic stories and poetry, pornography, different positions, masturbation (alone and together), toys, books, sexy music, lingerie, games, etc. make a commitment to yourself to try one new thing a week for 3 months. I bet you will find SOMETHING that gets you going!  Have a glass of wine together beforehand. Or try taking a bubble bath or shower together. Take your time. Enjoy!  As for confidence, try doing something athletic on your own. Not only will your body benefit, your confidence will increase immediately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

mablenc said:


> You are that woman!


Exactly!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

feelingstupid said:


> I want to be the sexy, confident woman who makes her man turn to mush and rides him with a passion.
> 
> But I'm not.... I'm the insecure, clumsy woman that doesn't make her man feel sexy and has awkward moments of embarrassment. How do I have the high drive that I want? How do I stop worrying about my stomach flopping over onto his? I realize that most women don't look like porn stars, but why do I worry so much about it, when there are girls twice as big who have passion and fire in them. I feel like a wet sock. My H says that soon I'll be going into my prime(I'm 25), and he'll be leaving his(he's 28), so there is no hope for my future sexually?


I can see why you feel the way you do if you have a partner who is worrying you about such things as sexual primes! You're 25 years old honey! I'm 30 and I JUST hit my sexual stride.You've got years and years of great sex ahead of you and so does he!
There are way too many examples of men who are sexually ravenous well into their later years to say when a person's prime is anymore these days.
First,learn how to orgasm if you haven't already.Learn your body!
If you feel self conscious about your tummy,wear a sexy nighty or corset during love making.Let your man know he needs to brush up on his foreplay game.Part of his job is to help you feel desired and sexy too.
Start reading as much as you can about flirting,sexual innuendo and things like that.Then ease yourself into doing it gradually.If he's into you he WILL respond in a positive way that will show you without a doubt that you are anything but a wet sock!
ETA: candlelight is your friend when it comes to helping ease that body image issue! Trust me,everyone feels better in lower lighting. Try to have sexual things happen before you eat dinner too so you don't feel bloaty and full and sleepy.

ETA: Also I've found that if you focus on his pleasure throughout the day such as boosting him with little compliments and flirty comments containing praise it really helps to keep him turned on until he's practically begging for it when he sees you finally at the end of the day.Plus,being flirty with him will help you feel more in control of your own sexual power which will give you confidence.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I loved my wife when she weighed 95. I loved her when she was 150. I would love hed at 300. I love HER!!!Too bad she aint that crazy about me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aaroncj (Nov 10, 2011)

To the OP:

Your husband is a lucky man that you want to be that woman. My wife was always a beautiful woman, athletic, tall, long-legged, and physically beautiful. For some reason, however, she never felt confident and comfortable sexually, no matter how I tried to reassure her. Now, in her 50s, she is still beautiful, and in great shape for her age, but not a 20-something anymore. My desire for her is just as strong, but her body image and confidence around me is only slightly better.

My recommendation: Enjoy yourself. Have fun. Throw caution to the wind when making love with your husband. Relax. Kill those voices in your head that area saying anything other than "damn, he really wants me." Because he does. And he will continue to want you. Most real men don't expect or even want a woman with a perfect body. We want a woman who is perfectly in tune with hers and just as engaged in the exchange of passion with us as we are with them.

As someone else said--you ARE that woman. You just need to let yourself be her.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

feelingstupid said:


> I want to be the sexy, confident woman who makes her man turn to mush and rides him with a passion.
> 
> But I'm not.... I'm the insecure, clumsy woman that doesn't make her man feel sexy and has awkward moments of embarrassment. How do I have the high drive that I want? How do I stop worrying about my stomach flopping over onto his? I realize that most women don't look like porn stars, but why do I worry so much about it, when there are girls twice as big who have passion and fire in them. I feel like a wet sock. My H says that soon I'll be going into my prime(I'm 25), and he'll be leaving his(he's 28), so there is no hope for my future sexually?


If you want to get in better shape and lose that tummy, start doing weights and cardio and eat healthy.

To learn new sexual techniques, google search, adult movies, the list is endless.

I've heard that women hit their sexual peak in their 30's.

I've seen many stories of ladies and guys that were very over weight and after weights, cardio and healthy eating, some years later the weight loss was dramatic and they all look fantasic, all ages too.

Do this primarily for yourself and your hubby second.


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## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

I have lost about 30 pounds this year. I run, I lift. At 5'9 and 160lbs I'm not huge, I just have a C-section stomach, and it kills me... I appreciate all of your comments, I know that woman is inside me, I need to let her come out without embarrassment. I can orgasm, however the H had some ideas that O should come only from penetration, and working through that has hindered my confidence.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

feelingstupid said:


> I can orgasm, however the H had some ideas that O should come only from penetration, and working through that has hindered my confidence.


H needs to do some reading from reputable sources.Send him here

It seems he has a lot of misinformation and is forming damaging ideas and pushing them onto to you.It isn't fair and he needs to get his info correct before it kills your drive completely.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Something like 70% of women don't orgasm from penetration. They need clit stimulation or it doesn't happen. 

Some women never can achieve orgasm at all with their partners, so he should consider himself lucky that you can regardless of how.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

If he wants to even think about attempting a PIV orgasm he's going to have to locate your gspot and give it a ton of time and proper stroking/pressure with his fingers to start.That still may not even make a PIV orgasm happen but it's a good way to start learning how to have a gspot orgasm if you don't already have them during foreplay.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

It's important to communicate to him that a lot of women do not orgasm from PIV sex. If he focuses on bringing you to orgasm otherwise first, it will make things a lot more pleasurable for you during intercourse.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Why do I get the feeling your body and lack of confidence isn't the issue here...


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## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

He got it, he did, but because he couldn't make me O every time we had sex (because I can't relax and it just wasn't gonna happen) it makes me feel pressured to come, when sometimes I can't (I just learned how to with my legs spread.. go figure) and he can make me "squirt" every time (which sometimes I want and sometimes I don't) I think it boils down to me not having as high of a drive as I want.... If that makes any sense at all.....


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

To be honest, my drive in my 20's wasn't really that high. That's not unusual. Just go with it, relax and be in the moment with him.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

feelingstupid said:


> He got it, he did, but because he couldn't make me O every time we had sex (because I can't relax and it just wasn't gonna happen) it makes me feel pressured to come, when sometimes I can't (I just learned how to with my legs spread.. go figure) and he can make me "squirt" every time (which sometimes I want and sometimes I don't) I think it boils down to me not having as high of a drive as I want.... If that makes any sense at all.....


Have you thought about why you can't relax? Is it a body image issue or is it stress or something else?

I understand the lack of drive,it creeps up on you sometimes and you don't even realize it.If my drive feels slumpy once in a while, I'll randomly almost rub one out in the shower or before bed while he's brushing his teeth or whatever.Bring it close to happening but don't let it happen.The more I did that the more I wanted sex of course LOL try it


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> To be honest, my drive in my 20's wasn't really that high. That's not unusual. Just go with it, relax and be in the moment with him.


yup,mine didn't kick in til about 2 years ago.I didn't hate sex but wasn't a crazy person for it like I am now.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Have you told him that such a focus on your orgasms feels like pressure and kills your ability to orgasm?

I had to tell my SO to stop counting my orgasms because it stressed me out because I felt pressured. And that pushing for two was also frustrating because I would try but then couldn't and that's worse than only having one and being satisfied with it.

Once he stopped counting and stopped trying to give me more than one unless I wanted it, I was able to relax more and we got into sync and that made two more possible.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Try making out with your husband at every opportunity. Not to lead to sex but just to keep the juices flowing.

My H and I make out every day, sometimes multiples times per day, and I know this is part of why I stay amped up all the time.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

80% or more women cannot O through penetration. Maybe he is getting his sex ed from porn? Fake fake fake 

Anyway! Your sexuality is a gift. Don't let the media's version of the perfect female form pollute your brain. They are trying to sell products by making us feel bad about ourselves. Your husband loves you. Get in touch with your feminine energy and power. No man on earth can resist it. Work out, be the best version of you!


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

feelingstupid said:


> I have lost about 30 pounds this year. I run, I lift. At 5'9 and 160lbs I'm not huge, I just have a C-section stomach, and it kills me... I appreciate all of your comments, I know that woman is inside me, I need to let her come out without embarrassment. I can orgasm, however the H had some ideas that O should come only from penetration, and working through that has hindered my confidence.


So you got a c-section mark. Put the rest of yourself better than you ever intended to before. The mark will be looked at as reminder of your beautiful children, and you should not feel bad about it.


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## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

I think maybe one of the biggest concerns for me 'letting go' is because we had some (kind of its complicated) infidelity (my part not his) and I'm scared to be 'let loose' and have him think of me as a wanton woman


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well now we are getting somewhere then...sweetie, just let it go and let your freak flag fly, ok?


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

feelingstupid said:


> I think maybe one of the biggest concerns for me 'letting go' is because we had some (kind of its complicated) infidelity (my part not his) and I'm scared to be 'let loose' and have him think of me as a wanton woman


Quite the opposite is what you both need - do anything/everything you can think of doing. Do MORE than what you ever would have done with your affair partner, show him how much you desire him and his body in actions as well as words. 

Try doing that every day for two weeks and see if it makes a difference for you both.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

feelingstupid said:


> I think maybe one of the biggest concerns for me 'letting go' is because we had some (kind of its complicated) infidelity (my part not his) and I'm scared to be 'let loose' and have him think of me as a wanton woman


Maybe it's time for a bit of perspective from a man.

Concerning your past infidelity, have you ever stopped to consider what mind games you have triggered in your husbands head. Good grief.

It's no wonder why he feels it necessary for you to orgasm when doing PIV sex with him. I am sure that little choice movie clip is playing in his head, of you, and your adulterous partner melting the paint of the walls of some motel room, where the other man brings you to screaming orgasms with every thrust. (And the imagined act of infidelity is going to be a lot worse than probably what actually happened.)

He is under a tremendous amount of mental pressure from your past hurtful actions as well as his own his self-imposed pressure to not only reclaim what was supposed to be his, but also make you forget the other man's sexual prowess with his own. He has to be bigger, better, and hotter than the man that you chose for sexual reasons over him. 

I can just imagine what your husband must be thinking when he, (his manhood), has trouble bringing you to orgasm, but somehow you can achieve orgasm by finger stimulation. 
I will tell you what he's probably thinking when you have to use your own hand to achieve orgasm, _I wonder if she's thinking about "Bob" (or whomever your adulterous partner was)._

It is a terrible thought process to overcome such a betrayal.
I think you both need some marital counseling if you haven't done so already. 
Your 25 years old. So I am assuming your affair was within the last few years. It's a lot to forgive and repair the damage done to a marriage when a partner cheats, but no one can really ever forget.


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## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> Maybe it's time for a bit of perspective from a man.
> 
> Concerning your past infidelity, have you ever stopped to consider what mind games you have triggered in your husbands head. Good grief.
> 
> ...


The PIV orgasm issue happened waaaaayyyy before my infidelity, and I cheated with a woman, two times, both drunk as hell. I'm not trying to justify my actions, I know that I was wrong, however, this is not how it is. He has forgiven me, (I was actually more upset about it than he was, as it being with a woman he found it less severe when I found it more so) I understand your hostility towards me, I'm not a fan of cheaters either, I was just asking how to let this go in the bedroom... If anybody has advice for that sort of thing


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

If he's forgiven you, have you forgiven yourself? If you're holding onto the guilt and punishing yourself for it, you are going to have a tough time letting go during sex.

Sometimes, it's helpful to remember that we're human and humans make mistakes. Beating yourself up forever isn't healthy for your relationship, especially if he has managed to put this behind him.


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## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

Yes, he's forgiven me, and I'm working on the forgiving myself part, I see how that could hinder my performance, but to be honest, forgiving myself isn't top priority, giving my HD H more of what he need is.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

*shrug* A number of us have offered advice/input. Hope it helps.


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## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

I appreciate the advice! That last post came out weird...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> reputable sources.Send him here


We've got a reputation, alright.


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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

What a ridiculous notion that the O can only come from penetration. Through my entire sexual history (20 years) I have never given a woman an O through penetration alone. If I have given her "a hand" before get started the it can occassionally happen.

Also, unless you are very very heavy realize that the current beauty standard is set by women and not by men. Look at the women who most men find to be the most attractive and it sure as hell isn't the super models. Every guy I know watches Mad Men just to watch Joan (Christina Hendricks) walking around in her tight fitting wool dresses and sweaters, and she is no waif.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

feelingstupid said:


> I want to be the sexy, confident woman who makes her man turn to mush and rides him with a passion.
> 
> But I'm not.... I'm the insecure, clumsy woman that doesn't make her man feel sexy and has awkward moments of embarrassment. How do I have the high drive that I want? How do I stop worrying about my stomach flopping over onto his? I realize that most women don't look like porn stars, but why do I worry so much about it, when there are girls twice as big who have passion and fire in them. I feel like a wet sock. *My H says that soon I'll be going into my prime(I'm 25), and he'll be leaving his(he's 28), so there is no hope for my future sexually? *


First, the whole "prime" thing is greatly exaggerated. There is one but with only a few exceptions (especially with women), the changes don't happen that dramatically. I may notice a small difference between my current age (45) and when I was 28 but I sure didn't notice a difference between 28,29,30,31 etc. In fact, in my early 30's I was working all the time, ate poorly, under a lot of stress and very out of shape ... I started working out regularly, put on a LOT of muscle and I have a higher sex drive now than my early 30's. He's got nothing to worry about as long as he makes an effort to stay fit. 

Why would he even make a comment like that ... as if it is all your fault? Ridiculous. Sounds like he needs to wrap his head around some reality.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

feelingstupid said:


> My H says that soon I'll be going into my prime(I'm 25), and he'll be leaving his(he's 28), so there is no hope for my future sexually?


I don't see why everyone is bent out of shape over her husbands comment here.

That most men naturally peak physically and sexually in the late teens and early 20's is well documented. 
However women peak sexually in their 30's and 40's. 

Here is the link:
http://http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2007422,00.html

I have made similar comments to my wife over the years, and it's in reference to me coming downhill from my sexual best, while the best years for her are still ahead. 
"You better get me while I'm still high on the chart." I would tell her.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

feelingstupid said:


> Yes, he's forgiven me, and I'm working on the forgiving myself part, I see how that could hinder my performance, *but to be honest, forgiving myself isn't top priority,* giving my HD H more of what he need is.


FS,

Honestly this is at the core of your problem. This topic would be a constructive conversation with your husband that could open some doors. Not just sexually but for your emotional well being my dear and for the sake of your ongoing relationship.

He has chosen to move forward. Get on board and let him know you are ready to move with him.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

feelingstupid said:


> I have lost about 30 pounds this year. I run, I lift. At 5'9 and 160lbs :smthumbup: I'm not huge, I just have a C-section stomach, and it kills me... I appreciate all of your comments, I know that woman is inside me, I need to let her come out without embarrassment. I can orgasm, however the H had some ideas that O should come only from penetration, and working through that has hindered my confidence.


ok I am the woman that is twice your size and full on in bed. 
I hate my body but when I look in my lovers eyes, he is loving every single inch of me, He wants me, he needs me and I feel like the sexiest woman in the world. 

When I dont feel like this I get on my sexy little night time see through thing and I don't let him penetrate me. Its all touching and kissing and wanting. By the end of this his eyes and body are screaming for me and I feel like a super sexy woman again. 

Its all in your head. take time out for you, find the thing that makes you feel sexy.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Lord Summerisle said:


> Also, unless you are very very heavy realize that the current beauty standard is set by women and not by men. Look at the women who most men find to be the most attractive and it sure as hell isn't the super models. Every guy I know watches Mad Men just to watch Joan (Christina Hendricks) walking around in her tight fitting wool dresses and sweaters, and she is no waif.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

feelingstupid said:


> The PIV orgasm issue happened waaaaayyyy before my infidelity, and I cheated with a woman, two times, both drunk as hell. I'm not trying to justify my actions, I know that I was wrong, however, this is not how it is. He has forgiven me, (I was actually more upset about it than he was, as it being with a woman he found it less severe when I found it more so) I understand your hostility towards me, I'm not a fan of cheaters either, I was just asking how to let this go in the bedroom... If anybody has advice for that sort of thing


Could it be that you not being able to relax has something to do with your infidelity partner being your husband's sister?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Huh?! Lol I think I missed something
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Huh?! Lol I think I missed something
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yes indeedee you did  Look at her other threads...this one is a doozy...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Damn
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Huh?! Lol I think I missed something
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/71570-i-cant-forgive-myself.html


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

feelingstupid said:


> I have lost about 30 pounds this year. I run, I lift. At 5'9 and 160lbs I'm not huge, I just have a C-section stomach, and it kills me... I appreciate all of your comments, I know that woman is inside me, I need to let her come out without embarrassment. I can orgasm, however the H had some ideas that O should come only from penetration, and working through that has hindered my confidence.


You are 5'9" and 160....Babe, you are one fine hunk of woman.....I have often told my wife it wouldn't hurt my feelings if she put on a few pounds...I love to massage her butt, and the more the better....She is 5'4", and 128-135, and she isn't even beginning to be too much for me....

I was crazy in love with her at 92 pounds, and still am with her at 137, and more wouldn't hurt a bit.....

Forget about the body image, lovemaking is best done with the lights dimmed a little anyhow, and concentrate on FEELING....

Your husband is a lucky guy to have a wife that wants to make their sex life better....Get some "How to" videos to wake him up about the female orgasm....He needs to get his ducks in a row on that subject, let him know that any "O" you have with him is a great one! 

good luck
the woodchuck


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Ouch - so the affair partner was the husband's sister? That's gotta be awkward at family events which could be adding to the issues you're having mentally.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Suspecting said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/71570-i-cant-forgive-myself.html


thanks for that link


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> thanks for that link


You're welcome, flower.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Scarlet, I've come to the conclusion you need to set up some kind of counseling or camp for LD women

To the OP, I think you need to get your man to pick up some better skills. 
I wonder if the girl-on-girl was better for you, because obviously, most don't know the workings of a vajajay better than another woman.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Ouch - so the affair partner was the husband's sister? That's gotta be awkward at family events which could be adding to the issues you're having mentally.


Agreed...wow!


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

badcompany said:


> Scarlet, I've come to the conclusion you need to set up some kind of counseling or camp for LD women
> 
> To the OP, I think you need to get your man to pick up some better skills.
> I wonder if the girl-on-girl was better for you, because obviously, most don't know the workings of a vajajay better than another woman.


I do not agree that a woman is going to be more familiar with a vagina or how it works in a sex context.

A male with ssexual experience will have more experience with the workings of the female vagina, the internal anatomy, the response, the variations of female vagina's because he has a penis and has interacted with different vagina's.

A woman will know how her vagina usually responds, but a male could know other ways that it will respond that she is not yet familiar with.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> I do not agree that a woman is going to be more familiar with a vagina or how it works in a sex context.
> 
> A male with ssexual experience will have more experience with the workings of the female vagina, the internal anatomy, the response, the variations of female vagina's because he has a penis and has interacted with different vagina's.
> 
> A woman will know how her vagina usually responds, but a male could know other ways that it will respond that she is not yet familiar with.


I'm sorry but :rofl:

that's why there is such a large amount of women who don't achieve orgasm with their men,who by the way,usually come into the relationship with a lot of experience and still can't make her O.I don't have the statistic handy but there is some ridiculously large amount of "sexually experienced" men who have no clue how to make their partner O.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'm sorry but :rofl:
> 
> that's why there is such a large amount of women who don't achieve orgasm with their men,who by the way,usually come into the relationship with a lot of experience and still can't make her O.I don't have the statistic handy but there is some ridiculously large amount of "sexually experienced" men who have no clue how to make their partner O.


Well maybe those other guys don't pay attention, I've never had a problem - but my focal point was always to ensure that she orgasms and feels good, even when I was a teenager it was a big deal.

I don't know how you are going to beat me out knowing the different internal anatomies, the external variations, etc if you don't even have the right tools for the job and if you aren't gay or bi then you won't even be able to explore with your eyes.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

AlphaProvider, I think the point is, everyone knows their own body the best. There's no way you can argue against that.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> AlphaProvider, I think the point is, everyone knows their own body the best. There's no way you can argue against that.


I think the argument was that a woman knows her anatomy best, and so who is better to judge what stimulates a woman physically, than another woman. 

Everyone is different, true woman all have the same basic plumbing down there but to say one woman knows how to bring her female counterpart to orgasm better than a man because she has the same equipment is absurd, and laughable.

With reasoning like that, wouldn't the expert in the female anatomy, a gynecologist, be the true expert? Or better yet, a female gynecologist would be numero uno. 

Men don't go around claiming they know what's best to get off another man. I've heard this claim before by some women and wonder why they do.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> Everyone is different, true woman all have the same basic plumbing down there but to say one woman knows how to bring her female counterpart to orgasm better than a man because she has the same equipment is absurd, and laughable.


Even more laughable is saying that a man knows it better because he has a penis. :scratchhead:


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> I think the argument was that a woman knows her anatomy best, and so who is better to judge what stimulates a woman physically, than another woman.
> 
> Everyone is different, true woman all have the same basic plumbing down there but to say one woman knows how to bring her female counterpart to orgasm better than a man because she has the same equipment is absurd, and laughable.
> 
> ...


How is another woman going to know the differences in female internals?

And clitoral stimulation is different on different people. I may do some things to a woman she didn't know would stimulate her in that way.

What I'm saying is the one woman can be familiar with her self, but I am familiar with much more than one, and I as a person am detail oriented so I want to know all the nooks and crannies and sweet spots. Plus my penis can reach inside, and there are differences at how the insides are constructed.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I'm not sure that a woman by default knows another woman's body than a man can. The other night my STBW totally freaked out when she couldn't get me off with her mouth for a couple of days in a row. She felt like she had lost her touch. That got us into a broader conversation about our sex life. We agreed that it is mind blowingly fantastic. She explained a bit more about why she felt so awful about not being able to get me off. She said she felt bad that she couldn't do for me what I am able to do for her. She said that not only am I by far the best she's been with, but with past partners, she always kept in the back of her head that she could always get herself off later. With me, she said, not only does she know that she'll get off, but that I'll do a better job at it than she could because I'm better at it than she is. That I know her body and how it responds better than she does.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> Even more laughable is saying that a man knows it better because he has a penis. :scratchhead:


If I have a tool, which has nerves over the entire service which penetrates to max depth on many females, how the hell is another woman going to be able to tell me how the internals are constructed, unless she's a gynocologist?

Some of us guys aren't just poking and prodding, but we are rubbing the entire internal surface, to discover which area's are sensitive, and also to see how it's constructed.

There are many great differences of how the vaginal internals can be put together.

Also externals, different women like different things. One woman isn't going to know what works best or how all the other women are constructred or what feels good or what hurts other women, I do.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> AlphaProvider, I think the point is, everyone knows their own body the best. There's no way you can argue against that.


Well I've had women show me things I didn't know I like 

So maybe they don't know all of me the best, but they knew a few things that I definately did not about my own self.:smthumbup:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'm sorry but :rofl:
> 
> that's why there is such a large amount of women who don't achieve orgasm with their men,who by the way,usually come into the relationship with a lot of experience and still can't make her O.I don't have the statistic handy but there is some ridiculously large amount of "sexually experienced" men who have no clue how to make their partner O.


And there are plenty of "experienced" women who don't know jack about what to do in bed. They think guys are walking hard-ons and all you have to do is lay there, wiggle and moan a bit, and bam...you're a sex goddess....

It comes down to paying close attention to your partner and how they respond to different things. Some of those responses are extremely subtle, but you always have to pay attention and remember.

I think for people who are very attentive, and assuming no real same sex experience, the potential for a man to know a womans body better than another woman is very high based on sheer sample size. The same goes for a woman knowing a mans body better than another man.

ETA: My STBW is almost 38. The very first time I went down on her, she orgasmed. Same with my fingers. Her first vaginal O? With me. Same with her first squirting O, and she has came virtually every time. I am not what many would call "experienced", but my STBW is.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> Even *more* laughable is saying that a man knows it better because he has a penis. :scratchhead:



#1. Your use of the word, MORE, asserts that you do believe a woman knows better how to "get off" another woman. 

#2. A heterosexual woman would be in better company to achieve orgasm with a heterosexual man, if that man had taken the time to care and know what stimulated his current partner, and even past partners. He does have the advantage since he brings an extra and vital piece of equipment into the equation. 

#3. I can drive a nail into a piece of wood using a hammer or wrench, however, one is better designed to do the job right.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> If I have a tool, which has nerves over the entire service which penetrates to max depth on many females, how the hell is another woman going to be able to tell me how the internals are constructed, unless she's a gynocologist?
> 
> Some of us guys aren't just poking and prodding, but we are rubbing the entire internal surface, to discover which area's are sensitive, and also to see how it's constructed.
> 
> ...


Your penis is mostly useless for clitoral stimulation. In addition if you are circumcised you've lost ~40% of those nerves. I assume you're not a gynocologist either, then how are you going to be able to tell how the internals are constructed? Women can discover sensitive areas by other means they don't need a penis for it.

I find the bolded part just silly. You know all the vaginas, are you serious? :rofl:



AlphaProvider said:


> Well I've had women show me things I didn't know I like
> 
> So maybe they don't know all of me the best, but they knew a few things that I definately did not about my own self.:smthumbup:


But they didn't know it because they had a vagina. They didn't know if you liked it before they tried it on you and you gave feedback.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Part of the reason there are sexually experienced men out there who don't know as much as they think they do is bc so many women fake it and say oh sure honey,yeah that was great! why? Who knows.Many reasons.maybe they don't want to hurt their mans feelings.maybe they don't want to be bothered with showing him a different way.Could be any number of excuses given. The man's ego about his sexual knowledge could be easily overinflated bc of false feedback.
The likely reason there are women out there who are crap in bed is bc they're either too uptight about their own sexuality to ask a man what he likes and what he wants her to do or they have a partner who just wants to stick it in and get off without giving her any feedback or guidance.

All those things make sex unpleasant and not as fun as it should be and could be partly to blame for why women on average are known as not being as into sex as men bc let's face it,most of the time it's easier for a man to orgasm than it is for a woman.So she might be lame in bed,but chances are he'll still end.Not the case when it's the other way around.

in this time of information saturation there is NO excuse for a man not knowing at least the basics on how to pleasure a woman and a woman not knowing at least the basics on how to pleasure a man.Just my opinion,of course.There's only so much you can read and only so many diagrams you can view though.You have to have two people who are open and prepared to show each other what gets them off.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> Your penis is mostly useless for clitoral stimulation. In addition if you are circumcised you've lost ~40% of those nerves. I assume you're not a gynocologist either, then how are you going to be able to tell how the internals are constructed? Women can discover sensitive areas by other means they don't need a penis for it.


How does your statement here support the theory that, overall women are better than men in bringing another woman to orgasm? 

I thought that was the original argument. :scratchhead:


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> #1. Your use of the word, MORE, asserts that you do believe a woman knows better how to "get off" another woman.
> 
> #2. A heterosexual woman would be in better company to achieve orgasm with a heterosexual man, if that man had taken the time to care and know what stimulated his current partner, and even past partners. He does have the advantage since he brings an extra and vital piece of equipment into the equation.
> 
> #3. I can drive a nail into a piece of wood using a hammer or wrench, however, one is better designed to do the job right.


1. Nowhere I said that.

2. A woman can do just the same as a man, they both have hands and a mouth. A penis is not a vital piece of equipment, it's just a strap-on dildo without the straps. In fact, women do have one advantage over men, which is called tribbing.

3. Straw man


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> 2 A woman can do just the same as a man, they both have hands and a mouth. *A penis is not a vital piece of equipment, it's just a strap-on dildo without the straps. *In fact, women do have one advantage over men, which is called tribbing.


I think you would have quite a few females here on TAM vehemently disagree with you on that one. :rofl:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Suspecting said:


> 1. Nowhere I said that.
> 
> 2. A woman can do just the same as a man, they both have hands and a mouth. *A penis is not a vital piece of equipment, it's just a strap-on dildo without the straps*. In fact, women do have one advantage over men, which is called tribbing.
> 
> 3. Straw man


I think there would be quite a few women out there who would disagree with this...

ETA: HA! Great minds think alike Batman


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> How does your statement here support the theory that, overall women are better than men in bringing another woman to orgasm?
> 
> I thought that was the original argument. :scratchhead:


Where did I say I support such theory/argument?


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> 1. Nowhere I said that.
> 
> 2. A woman can do just the same as a man, they both have hands and a mouth. A penis is not a vital piece of equipment, it's just a strap-on dildo without the straps. In fact, women do have one advantage over men, which is called tribbing.


The nerves on the entire surface of my penis are sensitive. I can feel shapes, textures and tightness with the penis. 

I don't know all the vagina's, but I know from experience there are more than half a dozen different types and internal configurations. I've seen a chart later in life that showed a couple dozen... But one woman wouldn't know this.

I'm confident you can't just bucket me with all men, because as a 17 years old, I thought the entire point was to get a woman off. The only woman who could complain on me, would be one who didn't like me, and just intending to shut me down. Everyone who has liked me, usually communicates and we figure out what works.

I'm confident most woman who are completely hetero would be less qualified than me on how to kiss a woman, how to orally pleasure a woman, how to have penetrative sex with a woman, how different area's of the body respond than me. 

Just like I couldn't know it on a man unless I read about it or someone told me about it.

3. Straw man[/QUOTE]


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> I think you would have quite a few females here on TAM vehemently disagree with you on that one. :rofl:





samyeagar said:


> I think there would be quite a few women out there who would disagree with this...
> 
> ETA: HA! Great minds think alike Batman


Wow, you almost posted the same reply. Double account?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Suspecting said:


> Wow, you almost posted the same reply. Double account?


I know...quite eerie right?


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> Where did I say I support such theory/argument?


Page 4, posted by badcompany;

"To the OP, I think you need to get your man to pick up some better skills. 
*I wonder if the girl-on-girl was better for you, because obviously, most don't know the workings of a vajajay better than another woman." *

Ever since this post, you have argued in support of this statement; "women don't need penises, they are useless, etc. etc.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> The nerves on the entire surface of my penis are sensitive. I can feel shapes, textures and tightness with the penis.
> 
> I don't know all the vagina's, but I know from experience there are more than half a dozen different types and internal configurations. I've seen a chart later in life that showed a couple dozen... But one woman wouldn't know this.
> 
> ...


Your nerves aren't going to help you know what the woman likes. You will still need feedback from her. Listen, I don't know why you are telling me about how your penis works (I got one too) or that you know vaginas better than one woman. I've never made an argument about this you must have mixed me with someone else. I only replied to your claim that just because you have a penis you know better. :scratchhead:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Batman4691 said:


> Page 4, posted by badcompany;
> 
> "To the OP, I think you need to get your man to pick up some better skills.
> *I wonder if the girl-on-girl was better for you, because obviously, most don't know the workings of a vajajay better than another woman." *
> ...


I think that is a valid conclusion, but Suspecting could also be a secret playing Devil's Advocate, by arguing in support of a thesis they personally don't support without telling us they are.

ETA: Personally, I don't think that ones anatomy by default gives one any more insight into the same or opposite sex. I don't think for a minute that a woman has an inside edge on what another woman wants simply because she's a woman. It all come down to paying attention to the details and responses and acting accordingly in a manner which gives the other person pleasure.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> Wow, you almost posted the same reply. Double account?


If it is a "double account", we have to be the best damn speed typist around.

NO, I think it's how outrageously naive your statement was. It was a big and easy target to shoot down.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> Page 4, posted by badcompany;
> 
> "To the OP, I think you need to get your man to pick up some better skills.
> *I wonder if the girl-on-girl was better for you, because obviously, most don't know the workings of a vajajay better than another woman." *
> ...


That was not made by me nor I ever replied to that post. Maybe you need to read my posts again and think about the meaning?


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> If it is a "double account", we have to be the best damn speed typist around.
> 
> NO, I think it's how outrageously naive your statement was. It was a big and easy target to shoot down.


I've been hearing that argument for years, never thought it through... That argument is a quick and easy "male bash" for males ignorant of the argument.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> If it is a "double account", we have to be the best damn speed typist around.
> 
> NO, I think it's how outrageously naive your statement was. It was a big and easy target to shoot down.


I assume you're a male, how can you shoot it down?


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> I assume you're a male, how can you shoot it down?


Your argument about "a woman knows a womans body better" ( with respect to sex and intimacy )... Which was a normal "male bash".


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I think it's fair to say that male and female techniques are very different. Women and men don't kiss alike so their lovemaking would be very different as well.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> I think it's fair to say that male and female techniques are very different. Women and men don't kiss alike so their lovemaking would be very different as well.


Hetero woman would not have kissed on other females or sexual acts.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> Your argument about "a woman knows a womans body better" ( with respect to sex and intimacy )... Which was a normal "male bash".


I think you are just being argumentative on purpose. I have not made such an argument, please quote it here let's see.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> I think you are just being argumentative on purpose. I have not made such an argument, please quote it here let's see.


I'm not arguing. Just being technical. That statement would shut up a majority of males who don't think it through. We thought it through today, but I think it's stupid to argue about it.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> Hetero woman would not have kissed on other females or sexual acts.


Some have. It's called experimentation. And if I recall correctly, OP did have sex with her sister in law (husband's sister).


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> I'm not arguing. Just being technical. That statement would shut up a majority of males who don't think it through. We thought it through today, but I think it's stupid to argue about it.


Can you quote my argument? Let's see where I said _"a woman knows a womans body better."_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Some have. It's called experimentation. And if I recall correctly, OP did have sex with her sister in law (husband's sister).


My STBW has experimented a bit, and her impression was that they weren't any better in bed than a lot of men...


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> Some have. It's called experimentation. And if I recall correctly, OP did have sex with her sister in law (husband's sister).


That would be gay or bi and not hetero


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Suspecting said:


> Can you quote my argument? Let's see where I said _"a woman knows a womans body better."_


You are correct. That statement never came from you, however, the preponderance of you statements and arguements reasonably leads one to believe that you do support such a thesis.

So for clarification, yes or no...Do you believe that a woman, by default, knows another womans body better than a man soley because she's a woman?


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> Some have. It's called experimentation. And if I recall correctly, OP did have sex with her sister in law (husband's sister).


And I'm sure many women would make an exception with a redhead.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> That would be gay or bi and not hetero


And that's why I find the labels to be confusing.

I am heterosexual and have had those experiences. Again, it's about experimentation. A few times of drug use does not an addict make. A few girls kissed does not make a woman lesbian or bisexual. 

Back to the OP's point, she HAS had that experience. What can be offered to help HER and her issue?


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Exactly. It's important to realise sexual orientation and sexual behavior are two different things.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> And I'm sure many women would make an exception with a redhead.


Now this is good...


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)




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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

For me the sexiest attribute a woman can posses is confidence. It comes from within her.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Batman4691 said:


> I don't see why everyone is bent out of shape over her husbands comment here.
> 
> That most men naturally peak physically and sexually in the late teens and early 20's is well documented.
> However women peak sexually in their 30's and 40's.
> ...


You don't have to provide a link, we all know it is true. The problem isn't with the facts, it is with the context in which he said it ... as if his libido is going to suddenly fall off the map (not even remotely true), he's missed out on something and it's all her fault. You say it and it is in good humor ... he is not saying it in good humor at all.


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