# Sex, Drink and Everything



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

So I've been following TAM postings for months and recently signed up. 

I'm a pretty black/white guy, as anyone who checks my previous posts will see. Logical. Steadfast. Nice Guy (And yes I've got Glover's book and I do fit the stereotype) and working on that. 

I am 68 and married (5 years) to an AMAZING woman. She is 10 years younger. My previous marriage was so horrible that at the end that I was vomiting when I came home from the office. Hers: Hubby drank himself to oblivion each night at the VFW bar. 

Wonderful wife now is very conservative sexually. (I don't mean conservative in the political sense as she's a dyed in the wool Southern Democrat and we are both socially liberal.) 


Thanks for reading so far...

The problem is: I'm more adventurous sexually than she is. Early on, she said she didn't like oral sex...I remember it clearly as I was sliding past her navel with her thighs over my shoulders. "No. I don't like that." She's playful about BJs but not delivered..."lockjaw" after 30 seconds. And, only twice in five years. Kinda lip lock and then gone...

As I said, she's an amazing woman but we are not connecting in this primal way. We've been married 5 years and while she says she's climaxed...it's hard to tell. She's very quiet. Some little moans. She had breast reduction surgery, so little feeling there.  After my first wife, affectionately known as the PNBFH (psycho nazi ***** from hell), I had a number of GFs who were my sexual equal and "Oh God, Didn't We Have Fun." Now, the woman I love isn't open to the most intimate pleasure. 

Oh, BTW I'm 180, 5'10" 44 chest, 34 waist and we hit the gym daily. 

Any advice? Any thoughts?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Don't marry someone you're not sexually in sync with?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Read up on tantric sex.... and go all out. Like wooing her sexually.


----------



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

SunnyT said:


> Read up on tantric sex.... and go all out. Like wooing her sexually.


Do you have any links that would be particularly helpful?


----------



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

PBear said:


> Don't marry someone you're not sexually in sync with?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for that. So helpful.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

SailBadTheSinner said:


> Thanks for that. So helpful.


Well, really... She's 58 years old and sexually repressed. Probably has been her entire life. You married her, and now 5 years later you want her to blossom?

Btw, what does the alcohol in your title refer to?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I'm questioning the 'drink and everything' too? 

Did libation loosen her up before the wedding?

Did you do more exciting tings before the M?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Thoughts? You married the wrong woman. She'd have made a great friend, and you could have found someone with the passion you want.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am also wondering why you married someone you aren't in sync with in bed, and what the title of your thread refers to. :scratchhead: And what do you want us to do with your body measurements??


----------



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

Wow. Such compassion from the azz clown gallery.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

SailBadTheSinner said:


> Wow. Such compassion from the azz clown gallery.


They're legitimate questions. Did you have an exciting sex life with her at one time, and it's faded off? Was it never what you envisioned? Why would you marry someone who wasn't sexually what you appear to want/need and expect her to change? Most of us would have been happy if our sex life stayed the same...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Re: Sex, Drink and Everything*



SailBadTheSinner said:


> Wow. Such compassion from the azz clown gallery.


Really? A few queries, and you go off? You really are a NG.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, have you talked to her about what you want? What does she say?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

So...when she drinks she gets mean. And, it's usually after about a bottle of wine. She's like her mother, whom she hates and who was abusive when she was growing up. If I cut her off, I'm controlling. And, if I go with the flow, things get out of hand..including her throwing things at me. 

Sober, she's an amazing woman. Kind. Sweet. Loving. But there's the tipping point. 

Sorry to have trickled out the info. 

Writing from work and its been busy.


----------



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

Why "Body Measurements" as one poster questioned...just to show that we're not fatties or otherwise physically undesirable like most American men.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you talked to her about her drinking when she's NOT drunk?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

So...home now and I apologize if I was short with those who offered thoughtful help. 

My wife is an amazing person. She is a professional in a technical field and highly paid and highly regarded by her colleagues. I'm a freelance writer, former CEO, and currently manage a family trust. We enjoy each other at an intellectual level. We enjoy traveling together. We are sympatico. I'm the romantic in the relationship. She's a mechanical engineer very "Spock."

It's like 80 percent of our relationship is perfect...sex isn't. I want to please her and I don't know that I am. She won't say except that "everything is fine." I've asked. "Yes, I'm having fun. Don't make a big deal of it." 

And, all of this has lead to some inhibitions on my part. And, although even at my age, I'm still pretty frisky and capable, its caused some "deflation." How can you keep it up, if you don't know that your partner is keeping up and having fun? 

Like to hear from the ladies who can suggest things...

Oh, she's been to the doctor and has Premarin cream and a Rx for testosterone that she hasn't filled. 

Yes, we've talked and that's what led to the doc's appointments. 

Thanks for understanding and a kinda "stream of consciousness" posting.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

It's hard to know what advice to give without more information. 

An observation for your consideration - you described her in positive terms but the details really don't paint a picture of harmony. So far, you revealed that your are sexually dissatisfied, abused, and dealing with her drinking problem. 

What are your goals for your relationship? Are you willing to take a finite period of time to do what you can to solve these issues? The finale solution may be to separate from her. 

This is the second woman that you married who has a serious problem. At some point, you are going to have to explore why you pick women of this type. You don't want to do this again. You certainly don't have problems meeting women. What was it about your wife that made you fall in love? 

You can have what you need but you may have to go through a period of disruption and personal change before funding your way. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

at 58, she has probably been that way her whole sexual life. You are not likely to change that long term. 

I am wondering the same as the others, why did you marry someone you didn't really enjoy sex with? 

Have you told her specifically about your issues? She isn't likely to guess that you're unhappy. If you have mapped it out for her and she is unwilling to change, then you have to deal with it or move on.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

For how long have you been together before marriage? 
Sounds like you don't know her well (sexually). 
You are now disappointed.

I see sex is VERY important to you while to her it's not as much.
Knowing this fact, why did you marry her in the first place?
Only because she's a good woman? 
Well, there are plenty of good women out there but given that you two are not sexually THAT compatible and sex is the most important thing for you in a serious relationship..., then you should've thought twice about marrying her.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Have you looked at any anything like this?

www.5lovelanguages.com


----------



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

Thank you to all who have made suggestions. Life's course isn't straight, easy or even rational at times. It's a bit like a fast flowing river with little pools and eddies at the banks. 

In response to some questions: my current and former wife could not be more different. I did learn something. So, no Ground Hog Day here. Pretty much opposites. 

Except for sex...and I can almost hear the younger readers of the site saying: 68 years old...ickyyyy; or alternatively "why did you marry someone you weren't sexually in sync with? Didn't you know better?" 

My wife is an amazing person. She is really really smart. We bond at an intellectual level. She's very very kind. We knew each other for 5 years before we married 5 years ago. She picked me from Match dot Com. And, not a rebound relationship for either of us. I'd been divorced for 3 years. Her: 6 years and three boyfriends ago. To be honest, I'm a big brother type. She's the rebellious middle child. And, sexy but not sexual. (Make sense?) 

So another poster talked about "corpse sex: my wife's favorite position is corpse," and that resonated with me. Not even "duty sex" but just plain lay there sex. 

Alcohol is the elephant in the living room. She can do a 180 when she's over the line. Yes, we talk about it when she's sober. Working on getting us to AA.

I guess I'm spoiled. As I said, 80 percent of the relationship is great. I want to make a good thing better.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

So as I'm reading your post I couldn't help but imagine a post from your wife ""so after a life time of men trying to push me into sex I didn't want or enjoy I married a guy 10 years older than me thinking he wouldn't care about sex, turns out he's a hound dog always pawing and licking where I don't want to be pawed and licked. How do I get him to just leave me alone?"" 

My point is different strokes for different folks....maybe she has never enjoyed sex, maybe she is just wore out and tired of sex, maybe she doesn't like the way you make love. You want sex, she doesn't, to you sex sounds very important, to her it doesn't. To bad you are already married, she sounds like she would have been a great friend, but not the wife you were hoping for. I guess you need to weigh the good in her against the bad and decide if you can live that way, I doubt at the age of 58 she's going to go sex crazy any time soon.


----------



## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

Geez Cooper, You missed "slavering" in your description of this old horn dog. 

I'm not ready to give up or give in. I am going to romance her off her feet.


----------

