# Fiance' ex wife moving a block away. Ugh.



## lucyshumor (Jul 15, 2012)

My fiance's ex wife just bought a house a block away. They have two kids, 18 and 13. They previously lived about 15 minutes away from each other until she made this purchase. We are suppose to get married in 2 months, and she does not know yet, but will in the next day or so. Regarding her purchase: I am sick about it. To be that close is preventing me from feeling like he and I are starting fresh. The neighborhood grocery store, a couple little restaurants, I felt, were ours, in that, we wouldn't expect to bump into her often. We could sell his house, which he gracefully offered. But it's a great house, he remodeled it basically from the floor up, it's in a wonderful location, and he loves it. I feel nothing but good feelings in the house because it was his basically in heart and soul while he remodeled. She was never really invested. Agreeing to move would make me feel terrible because I know he loves the house, but I'm not sure how to get past the feelings I have. I'm sure when she finds out we are getting married, she may have some of the same feelings, and although not being a vindictive person, this gives me some selfish pleasure, because she knows this is not appropriate. 
Any advise would be appreciated. Thank you


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Take him up on his offer!
Make a new dream house together when you marry.

Get distance from her.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

First off, I commend you for not taking him up on his offer immediately to move as his heart is in this house. That's very kind of you.

I would say to give it a try. Mainly because of the convenience of the children being able to go back and forth as often as they please. If in a month or two if it does start getting really difficult for you, then I would suggest moving.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Why is it not appropriate for her to to live close? They are divorced, but they have kids together. He's getting married to you. She doesn't have to live a block away for you to bump into her, she does still and always will, have a connection to your fiance, via the kids.

It might be a good opportunity for her to see you in a good light, and her as well. The real version. Relaxed at home. Interacting with neighbors. 

It's a good move for the kids, quite often, to be in the same neighborhood all the time. I know lots of parents who live quite apart. The kids have friends in one neighborhood, maybe none in the other. Sometimes they don't want to go to the other parents, because they are missing out friend time.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

I would give it a try. They have children together, and it will be better for them, to have access to both their parents, whenever they need. It isn't like you can just pretend that she doesn't exist because they do have children together, and they are still co-parents.

If she isn't nasty to you, I don't see the problem.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The kids are practically grown. So while I agree with Deejov about the kid issue, it's somewhat moot.

I'd feel the same way. Which is why I couldn't marry someone with an ex spouse. This comes with the territory. I lived very close to my ex because we co-parented. Oh well, that's life.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I think that you're looking at things wrong. You could just as easily say, "She's moving back to our city from another state. I don't feel we're getting a fresh start because now our town isn't just ours." 

You're letting insecurity govern how you feel! 

This isn't about the house, or even about her. It's about your own fears and possessiveness. Those restaurants you talked about aren't JUST for you and your man. MANY other customers, some of whom are really disagreeable people, go there too. 

You can learn to deal with this by telling yourself to address problems as you come to them. Right now, you're seeing problems where none exist. If she is intrusive, then deal with it when it happens.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have they been divorced?

You are marrying a man with an ex-wife and children. That is a fact of life that you have to deal with. 

Your life will actually be much easier with her living nearby. The children can walk between the two homes. There is no need to drive them back and forth. While the children are older, they will probably still be around and this will make it much easier. My children are D23, S23 and S25… the two 23 year olds still live with me. They are in college. And you would think that the 25 year old does because he’s here so much of the time.


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

It may be harder for her than you if she does not know you're close to marriage

If I understand it right, you are already living in her former house so the area was hers before yours anyway. If you can live in a house they shared, you'll probably cope with her living nearby

Give it a try, see how it goes


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