# GF and her Orgasms



## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Ok this is an embarrassing topic but figured I would ask.

My GF can only have an orgasm with mechanical assistance. 

She states she enjoys and loves every minute of the things we do but even she cannot get herself to that point with out help.

This frustrates me a little but not for the reasons you may think.

I worry that she will resent me cause I cant get her to that point on my own. God knows I have tried. 

She worries that I will resent her as well and tries to console me in that it is not my fault. She said she is just weird and that her body is not normal. 

We talk about it and I ask her what I can do and that I am willing to do anything. She states that what I am doing is great and she would not change it. 

Here is what really bothers me. So I have accepted that I need to incorporate other things into our sex to get her to that point. But she does not want me to do that all the time. She says she is happy. But I don't understand how you can be happy with sex if sometimes when we do it she does not orgasm.

As a guy that is a strange thought. I have suggested that maybe she has desensitized herself from using the toys. She stated that she did not discover them till a few years back and before that had never had an orgasm.

She stresses to me that everything is great and I worry too much. But I cant help it. I want her to enjoy herself.

Any advice?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Learn oral bubba, works every time.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Some women orgasm easily and others don't. The more turned on they are before sex the easier the orgasm is. Start foreplay long before you take her to bed and it should help. But try not to pressure her. She probably feels insecure about it and that won't help her relax and get into it.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Sex can be hugely enjoyable, even without an orgasm.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

My guess is that she learned to orgasm via masturbating with a device rather than learning how to orgasm with a partner. It's no biggie--she knows that she CAN orgasm and what they feel like, so that's good news. 

I'd say continue to periodically try to achieve BigO internally rather than on the clit. If she's used to a clit orgasm with a vibrator, that's going to be tough to reproduce manually or orally because they're so fast! But the internal G-spot orgasm can totally be slower, with you or a finger, and it's a different O than the clit O. Maybe she'd enjoy experimenting with the second kind!

And if she's having fun and enjoying what's going on, just believe her if she says it's not okay to O every time! I have to be honest, I don't always want to orgasm each time. Sometimes it's "His Turn" or a quickie that's just for literal fun. Other times, I let me hair down and just enjoy various pleasures. Sometimes I can't turn my mind off and "get there" but I can enjoy what's happening. And other times, I've got the itch and he scratches it!


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

SunnyT said:


> Sex can be hugely enjoyable, even without an orgasm.


I agree with Sunny, it's not about the orgasm all the time. It's great that you care. And that's the most important thing. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

If she's happy and that's how she likes to O...why not just go with it? Things may change in time. People's desires can sometimes change, etc.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

My wife can orgasm other ways, but she has a hard time. A vibrator does the trick every time. So, why fight it? If she enjoys it, go with it.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I'm in the same boat, man. She wants sex all the time and loves it, but she can't O, even with oral. She has been like this with all her partners, except one time she had an O. Just once. She was on top. She thinks it's mental and will be able to get around it. She can get O with her vibrator. It definitely affects me, as I want so bad to have her have an O with PIV. I've many other partners have no issues doing this, so this is very new and strange to me. But we only see each other 2 days a week, so it's not like we have a ton of experience yet. Probably have had sex 10-12x in the last 1.5 months. It's like a mission now for me. I hope I'm successful!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Ok this is an embarrassing topic but figured I would ask.
> 
> My GF can only have an orgasm with mechanical assistance.
> 
> ...


This is the way my ex wife was, exactly. EXACTLY.

She, too, never had an orgasm by herself or with partners (including me), until she tried a vibrator sometime in her mid-20's (after being with me for 6 or 7 years). And even then, it would take her a while and required some patience.

Many women don't orgasm from PIV sex, we all know that. So that's nothing to worry about. Clitoral should be a different story, but not everybody is the same, obviously.

My ex wife had a hyper sensitive clit, as in it was painful to touch when she was aroused. Even the slightest brushing of it would cause her discomfort. She never sought any medical attention for it, that I know of, even though I urged her to.

So with a vibrator, she would use it around her clitoral area, on her labia, etc, or sometimes through clothing or a blanket. Basically, no direct contact with her clit, but the vibrations would be enough to bring her to orgasm. She wouldn't let me do it, as she'd get very jumpy, thinking I'd accidentally touch her directly, and that just wouldn't work.

Luckily, we had two saving graces in play. One, she had a relatively high sex drive, and her/our limitations didn't stop her from wanting sex - much like your GF. And this was before she discovered vibrators.

And two, we discovered her gspot very early on in our relationship. Accidentally, if you can believe that. Neither of us even knew what a gspot was, or that it was even a thing. It just happened, she said "that feels good, keep doing it", she orgasmed that way (and squirted) and so we had -something- to go on, and it included me.

If not for that, and the eventual discovery of vibrators, I have no idea how things would have gone, honestly. But I can tell you, she never made me feel like less of a man, or that it was my fault, that she couldn't properly orgasm. Nor did I feel any of that. That was her limitation, and it wasn't something she could overcome on her own. Her clit was just as sensitive and painful when she touched it.

Now, the part that you won't like, and may scare you - she eventually cheated on me, and ostensibly (at least according to her) because of this, at least indirectly. There were other issues, too, of course, but the sexual limitations were definitely a part of it. She needed to know if it was like this with other people. Short answer, I have no idea. The third person (that I know of) that she cheated with, she left me for and eventually married. I highly doubt it was solely related to sex, and the likelihood is that she has the same limitations to this day (provided she hasn't sought medical advice). But it was certainly part of the catalyst for her to go out and see what it's like.

That said, our relationship may vary a lot from yours. My ex wife had experience before me, but not to the extent she and I shared. She had had sex before, but not with the same person for more than a few months, tops. Basically not long enough to really get to know ones self, sexually.

Your GF may have had this issue her whole life, with multiple partners, and she already KNOWS her limitations and is okay with them. My ex wife clearly learned this over her time with me, and was never able to really figure it out until she was with me, thus her desire to figure out (through infidelity...) So if your GF has always been like that, and has always KNOWN she's like that, I wouldn't worry about it at all. She seems quite happy to continue the way things are, she gets hers through using a vibrator, and she's okay with that.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> She states she enjoys and loves every minute of the things we do but even she cannot get herself to that point with out help.


Simple... listen to her.

Honest... it is usually more about one's ego (am I performing well) than anything and just enjoy the moment with excitement and the love that is shared. 

I learned this about myself a long time ago... when I loosened up and was less heavy about "did I get you there" we got there a whole lot more often and it made such a difference in our enjoyment when she didn't, or didn't need to.

I should have listened to her years ago before that... :wink2:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The point of sex is enjoyment - if she enjoys toys along with sex, that is fine.

Its true the use of vibrators can make women less sensitive, but its not necessarily a problem. Also there are many women who will never have an orgasm just from intercourse. 

My wife never orgasms from intercourse. She can from oral, but that takes a long time and she prefers toys. That's fine with me.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I know its part of the male wiring but you're not "responsible" for her O. In fact, once you know she can't have it without a vibe, why chase the something you can't catch? Relax, you get your's and she gets her's. The issue isn't how she's getting it so much as is the experience shared with you or is she off in her own little fantasy world. If she's in your arms and you're part of the passion in those moments great. If her eyes are closed and she thinking about being in the back seat of an old boyfriends car....not so great.


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## mravg2u (Apr 27, 2016)

I know that it can be frustrating, my wife can not O with PIV she needs oral to O. I love giving oral but I can not contort to do oral and piv at the same time.

Also I did not understand how she wanted and enjoys a quickie without getting a O. We has a talk about it and she said it was like a massage. She also said it made he happy to see my enjoyment. 

I brought some toys to our oral sex a Vibe and she apsolutly enjoys her toy. I felt a little put off one time when doing oral and she asked for toy. I said what I can not satisfy you any more without the toy. She told me I was good but the toy made it faster and more intense. If that makes it better for her that is fine with me. 

We are both older and as time changes our bodies new things can help our love making. I put a lot of time and effort to make sure she enjoys our love making. 

I understand your concern but women are all different and put you ego in satisfaction mode. It seems some women can enjoy sex without the O. It does not compute for most men but this can up at a weekend get away with some very close couples and it seems the ladies all agreed. 

My just now focus my efforts for our love making dates to ensure she has the most intense O as possible and she loves it.

One of our new fun things is she lays on my stomach with me in her for slow love making while I give her a nice long oil enhanced massage. She loves the massage and sex. I enjoy a nice long love making session topped off with a bj. Geriatric love making can be fun too. 

Fear not you will know if she is not happy. Enjoy each other and embrace what ever makes the sex better.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Ok this is an embarrassing topic but figured I would ask.
> 
> My GF can only have an orgasm with mechanical assistance.
> 
> ...


Certainly try the things others have suggested, but I also say - listen to your GF and believe her. I've never been able to have a good orgasm without mechanical assistance. But I have really loved sex - mmmmm, nothing like wrapping your arms and legs around the man you love and feeling him all up inside you... Penetration is awesome and I feel completely satisfied when the sex is hot and sexy, regardless of orgasm.

I once had a lover say to me "you've got to stop faking it." I was like, um... faking what exactly? I guess the fact that I was reacting and moaning (because it felt so good) was interpreted as me pretending to have an orgasm when I wasn't.

SO - All the years I thought I must have some inhibition or something that I'm not in touch with - I never had an orgasm without a vibrator. Then recently found a wonderful OBGYN and she informed me that my clitoris is less than 1/3 of normal size. WTH?!!!!! I thought "...well that explains a lot..."

Oral sex is great too, BTW, nothing like it! but even that has never gotten me there. Almost once or twice. But then I did start to feel hung up on the fact that it was taking so long and lost it.

Anyhow - it sounds like your GF is being very honest with you and not afraid to say that she needs mechanical assistance, and you're more than willing to help provide that -- so I would also believe her that she is not always interested in having an orgasm but that she is thoroughly enjoying the sex regardless. Pressing her to have/want an orgasm when she doesn't want to will probably make sex less fun for her.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

GuyInColorado said:


> I'm in the same boat, man. She wants sex all the time and loves it, but she can't O, even with oral. She has been like this with all her partners, except one time she had an O. Just once. She was on top. She thinks it's mental and will be able to get around it. She can get O with her vibrator. It definitely affects me, as I want so bad to have her have an O with PIV. I've many other partners have no issues doing this, so this is very new and strange to me. But we only see each other 2 days a week, so it's not like we have a ton of experience yet. Probably have had sex 10-12x in the last 1.5 months. It's like a mission now for me. I hope I'm successful!


Try this:
http://www.amazon.com/Trojan-Vibrations-Screaming-Stimulation-Enhancement/dp/B00KC17NE8


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Working wife is right. For some women it takes too long and it's frustrating and it's better to just relax and enjoy the experience with a "goal". She knows it, she's honest with you - don't worry about it. Keep doing what you both enjoy.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife takes a really long time to orgasm from PIV alone, longer than I can usually last. So in just about every instance she will either masturbate with the tub faucet or a vibe to orgasm before we have PIV. Sometimes I give her oral while hitting her g spot with a toy. Usually uses the vibe on herself while we do PIV.

I no longer have any hang ups about her masturbating before PIV or using a vibe during PIV. If she is having orgasms and is happy it's all good.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I guess my only question would be has she always been like this with other lovers? In other words has she never been able to orgams without mechanical assistance. If she has always needed help it's not a big deal and NOT a reflection on you. If she can orgasm with others but not you then you need to find out what that problem is and fix it. Something like that could be a cancer to your relationship that will eventually break you up.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

this is not getting any better. 

So we have talked about this a lot. I told her I am fine with her using "assistance". She is embarrassed by the whole situation that she cannot achieve orgasm without mechanical means.

We talked a lot about it and I assured her that I am fine with it. Well...
Last week we had sex about 5 times. She would not use toy even when I begged. So I just let her set the pace and flow. I felt something was not right and the other day I asked her about it. I told her I felt that eventually she is going to resent me. She did tell me that I was real close getting her there but she just cant relax enough to make it happen. So I am super frustrated as well.

During our conversation she expressed that she is going to go see her doctor and see if she can help. Im not sure there is really anything that can be done but what do I know.

Guys Im afraid this is going to cause a giant rift between us. If not now then later. Eventually I think she will give up on sex and I will be left out on my own.

What can I do?


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Good example, last weekend wife and I are having sex, we are doing PIV. We were going at it for about 15 minutes, I can tell she is getting close but having a bit of trouble getting to an orgasm. I blow my load, she didn't come. So she grabs her toy, and heads to the bathroom. After 2 or 3 minutes of buzzing and 3 loud grunts she comes out of the bathroom with a smile on her face. She climbs back in bed, we cuddle for 10 minutes or so, and I can tell she is relaxed and happy.

The good news is your GF can have orgasms, she masturbates, and she knows what she needs to have an orgasm. I would just relax and go with it. She seems like the kind of person who will tell you if what you are doing is not working for her.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Next time see if she will let you use the toy on her. 



keeper63 said:


> Good example, last weekend wife and I are having sex, we are doing PIV. We were going at it for about 15 minutes, I can tell she is getting close but having a bit of trouble getting to an orgasm. I blow my load, she didn't come. So she grabs her toy, and heads to the bathroom. After 2 or 3 minutes of buzzing and 3 loud grunts she comes out of the bathroom with a smile on her face. She climbs back in bed, we cuddle for 10 minutes or so, and I can tell she is relaxed and happy.
> 
> The good news is your GF can have orgasms, she masturbates, and she knows what she needs to have an orgasm. I would just relax and go with it. She seems like the kind of person who will tell you if what you are doing is not working for her.


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## PersonInSpace (May 19, 2016)

keeper63 said:


> Good example, last weekend wife and I are having sex, we are doing PIV. We were going at it for about 15 minutes, I can tell she is getting close but having a bit of trouble getting to an orgasm. I blow my load, she didn't come. So she grabs her toy, and heads to the bathroom. After 2 or 3 minutes of buzzing and 3 loud grunts she comes out of the bathroom with a smile on her face. She climbs back in bed, we cuddle for 10 minutes or so, and I can tell she is relaxed and happy.
> 
> The good news is your GF can have orgasms, she masturbates, and she knows what she needs to have an orgasm. I would just relax and go with it. She seems like the kind of person who will tell you if what you are doing is not working for her.




The wife and I call that "getting stuck in between worlds". Can happen to either partner. Not a place you want to be left. I know when I do I'll be crabby for about a day and a half.


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