# What to do after husband cheated emotionally !



## Sharonn (Jul 24, 2016)

hi everyone, 

me and my husband met on the internet. I am 29 and he's 35. we had a really strong bound and would spend day and night talking. we have been married for 2 years but only lived together for one as we are from different places. It was hard to live apart so i decided to make the scarifice to give up all my friends, job and family to start living together with him. 

He's not someone financially strong as he was jobless at the time we got married but i didnt mind as long as he's loyal to me. I married him because i love him and believed that he is a loyal guy. Other than love, loyalty was a major driving force to marry him. 

i moved to where he was working in August 2015 , after one year of our marriage, it was hard to adjust and adapt to a new place. I got a job quickly after moving. In November 2015, I found out that he was having an emotional affair with a lady back from his country. I used every means to find out everything before I confronted him. He didn't have remorse and blamed me instead. He said it's my total right to leave him if I wanted to. I ended up forgiving him as I was trying to improve myself to be a better wife. I tried to cook more often for him. I devoted more time in housework and all. Things got better as I was telling myself to do my best and have no regrets if it doesn't work cause at least it won't be my fault. 

we were happy afterwards but then i asked him to show me his whatsapp in May 2016, he refused. He immediately turned around and started deleting his whatsapp messages. I snatched the phone and he grabbed my arm so hard to get it back. Eventually he did show me his whatsapp messages but he's hands were shaking. I didn't find anything , i dunno if he deleted it after he turned around or what. I moved out after this and he did do some sweet stuff to get me back. So I decided to let it be. 

Deep inside I am not happy, I scarificed so much for him to be with him. Leaving my country where I have a much better job and have people who love me, friends and family. At the end, he's flirting with girls over the phone. I would constantly bursts out on him for little things just because I am frustrated inside and dunno if all my sacrifice is worth it or not. 

Lately, he stopped me for calling him baby on Facebook by saying people have conservative mind but i feel like he just wants to keep his door open for flirting. He met that girl through Facebook which he was flirting with. it was more than flirting obviously, they did talk about sex and he gave me very little attention back then. We spent most of the time together after work, he's not the type of guy who likes to go out a lot as rarely goes out to see his friends. I think he's not doing anything now but I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying and not trusting him. 

We don't have kids yet but I am afraid that he will never change. Things will be a lot more worse after we have kids. I married him thinking that he's loyal but he's not. I don't know what will make me going in this marriage. Shall I just leave him while it's not too late ? or he's worth trusting ?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Leaving sounds good. He is unlikely to change. And it would be easier for you to be back in familiar surroundings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Ditto @jld. If he's already doing this now, in such a young marriage, it'll only get worse from here.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Sharonn said:


> We don't have kids yet but I am afraid that he will never change. Things will be a lot more worse after we have kids. I married him thinking that he's loyal but he's not. I don't know what will make me going in this marriage. Shall I just leave him while it's not too late ? or he's worth trusting ?


Generally speaking, I advise individuals to invest a lot in themselves, and then they can go on to managing their relationships. 

Your problem is that you backed down when confronting him and accepted responsibility. That stems from personal weakness. He did a little out of desperation to fool you, and you bought it. Nothing changed.

You need to invest in yourself, so that you can see the through fog. You can then see what is real and what is fake and make decisions accordingly.

Many find my advice too forgiving, or too lenient. It is and it isn't. Your H hasn't changed, so there is nothing to forgive. Yesterday is today. If there was change, then there would be an ability to forgive.

What is actuallly keeping you with this man?


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## Sharonn (Jul 24, 2016)

Thanks for the advice everyone. Relationship Teacher, your advice got me thinking. It's interesting that forgiving him in the first place is a sign of personal weakness. I guess I fell in the trap of personal reflection when he tried to blame me by making himself feel better. On the other hand, is it wrong to reflect on yourself in these situation ? 

yes i should see whats real and fake. somehow, i am thinking to spy on him to see if he has really changed or not but its not a healthy thing to do. i can't imagine doing that for the rest of my life. 

what keeping my with him ? i guess they r the similarities and effort we have placed to be together. hope for him to change is keeping me with him. i don't know if thats false that i am giving myself. how to judge ?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Sharonn said:


> Thanks for the advice everyone. Relationship Teacher, your advice got me thinking. It's interesting that forgiving him in the first place is a sign of personal weakness. I guess I fell in the trap of personal reflection when he tried to blame me by making himself feel better. On the other hand, is it wrong to reflect on yourself in these situation ?
> 
> yes i should see whats real and fake. somehow, i am thinking to spy on him to see if he has really changed or not but its not a healthy thing to do. i can't imagine doing that for the rest of my life.
> 
> what keeping my with him ? i guess they r the similarities and effort we have placed to be together.* hope for him to change is keeping me with him.* i don't know if thats false that i am giving myself. how to judge ?


Trust your gut. I'm sorry for all that you have gone through to be together, but remember this. Your relationship started on line. And now, on line, he appears to be flirting again with other women. AND, he doesn't want words of affection from you to him on Facebook. You are his wife. If anyone is entitled to flirt with your spouse - on line or in real life - that would be you. Anyone who respects your relationship would NOT be offended by reading affectionate expressions between spouses. And he should reciprocate and not discourage your efforts.

The sooner you decide to take control, "spy" if you need to get to the truth, the better. What's the saying - the truth will set you free - seems to apply here. If you discover that your marriage was a mistake, then, nomatter how painful, you need to end it.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He has already proven that he isnt worth any sacrifice you have made. Let him go and go back home, otherwise you will end up in misery for years.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Your spouse should be an asset to your life. It's OK to move on. You have no kids. If you meet the right man you won't have to spy on him and fight doubts, his love will make you stronger. Your life will be much better if you do.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Go home. Forget this loser. He invests more time in chasing women online than he does earning a living.
You're so desparate for a man, you'll accept this?
Yes, he will change. He'll get worse.

You need to change your life--- start by getting rid of the dead weight you're carrying, namely your "husband" who doesn't want you calling him baby on Facebook.
That's sad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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