# The magical power of laughter



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Perhaps it's best to begin this thread with a brief confession. 

As a member of the cohort of 1963, I grew up with an extraordinarily sexist view of humor. And that sexism was every bit as simple as it was ingrained. It was the 'football' model of the sexes. 

Men who had a good sense of humor, were 'out on the field' producing laughter, while their female counterparts were on the sidelines/in the stands - consumers or at best cheerleaders. 

So now - just entering my 54th summer it's time for a confession. That viewpoint isn't just sexist, it is profoundly wrong. My partner (M2) is AT LEAST as funny as I am. Always has been. Always will be. 

So - as odd as this may sound - I've come round to thinking that laughter - is a type of admiration. A genuine, reflexive, un counterfeit-able type (of admiration) at that. 

So what say you my fellow travelers? Is your partner funny? Do they 'get' your humor? Do they elicit a full body laugh from you? 

This is a real part of what makes M2 irresistible.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Laughter is one of my highest love languages and yes even sex elicits laughter in this crazy house. MrH and I laugh together a lot, those painful fits of laughter where you cannot even look at each other for fear of wetting your pants.

MrH and I are both blessed with dimples, I firmly believe that dimpled people have an amazing SOH, we have to because you cannot keep a straight face if you have dimples.

And I agree, laughter is a type of admiration, you have listened to and got what the other person is saying, you share a SOH, on the same wavelength and you are at ease with the other person. Just hoping I am never that at ease that I actually do wet my pants


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Yes yes and yes. 

This might sound a bit odd - but I honestly think a good sex life and a good laughter life are the - result - of the same foundation. 

A combination of trust, resulting in being at ease with someone and being synchronized in a way that this just 'happens'. 




MrsHolland said:


> Laughter is one of my highest love languages and yes even sex elicits laughter in this crazy house. MrH and I laugh together a lot, those painful fits of laughter where you cannot even look at each other for fear of wetting your pants.
> 
> MrH and I are both blessed with dimples, I firmly believe that dimpled people have an amazing SOH, we have to because you cannot keep a straight face if you have dimples.
> 
> And I agree, laughter is a type of admiration, you have listened to and got what the other person is saying, you share a SOH, on the same wavelength and you are at ease with the other person. Just hoping I am never that at ease that I actually do wet my pants


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I am like my dad. We love to make people laugh. At any social gathering I am there with a crowd around me. Most of my humor is self depreciating and concerns lots of stories from the 21 countries I have been to and 26 States. Plus I was in combat and although that is not funny, we pranked each other a lot. I have a deep well to draw upon.

Sure there are plenty of funny women but you would not know that by counting their number among stand up comics. Even then, most of their jokes are about sex, men and women. TV has some very funny women on it but most times the woman is the source of stability while the husband plays the fool and is stupidly funny. So I agree with your point that women can be just as funny as men but if you look at the world population, funny women are a small minority for whatever reason.

I am trying to think if I ever dated a woman that I found very funny. Most were attracted to me by my sense of humor. Sense of humor is number one on many woman's list of things they want in a husband. I have even overheard groups of women saying that. They said looks will fade but funny does not. They want to laugh. That is what I make my wife do, laugh. If I am not doing that she thinks I am upset about something. 

I used to tell jokes but then switched to humorous stories. The problem is that I have a dark sense of humor at times which my PDOC tells me is due to IQ. I have to be aware of that and use that dark humor in the right crowd. I used to tell a lot of sex stories but not crude ones. I live in a more conservative place now so I rarely do that. I live in a retirement community and do stories about old people, using me as an example. I like to make people laugh at me and it does not bother me at all because they know who I really am and what I have accomplished in life. So my wife gets half of my jokes but likes to laugh all day long. I sometimes feel like I have to be on every day because if I am not, it affects my wife's mood.

What you are saying is not different than saying that girls can be firemen/soldiers, etc., which they can, but still, most are men. So knowing or seeing some funny women does not mean much. There have been female comics since I was a young boy when Lucy was the queen of TV and then Carol Burnett. I think you are going based on your old belief that only men can be funny. A belief that maybe not many of us believed in to begin with. I am about 12 years older than you, but you surely are aware of all the female funny people on TV and the movies, so what is the point you are trying to make that has not already been known for about 4 or 5 decades by most of us?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Vinny 

Do you think funny women being a small minority is about them or about us?

The first time it happened - we were in the car - I was giving M2 a hard time in a playful way - and she - well - she came back at me in a way that made me full body laugh. So maybe - if you wanted to view this as an exercise in social dominance - she didn't just win - she won by a huge margin. 

Thing is - I wasn't threatened by this - I was delighted. And it was obvious. 

So maybe women - are a LOT funnier than we give them credit for. 





Vinnydee said:


> I am like my dad. We love to make people laugh. At any social gathering I am there with a crowd around me. Most of my humor is self depreciating and concerns lots of stories from the 21 countries I have been to and 26 States. Plus I was in combat and although that is not funny, we pranked each other a lot. I have a deep well to draw upon.
> 
> Sure there are plenty of funny women but you would not know that by counting their number among stand up comics. Even then, most of their jokes are about sex, men and women. TV has some very funny women on it but most times the woman is the source of stability while the husband plays the fool and is stupidly funny. So I agree with your point that women can be just as funny as men but if you look at the world population, funny women are a small minority for whatever reason.
> 
> ...


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

MEM2020 said:


> Vinny
> 
> Do you think funny women being a small minority is about them or about us?
> 
> ...


IME women when together with the gang (ie other women) can be hilarious, they are relaxed and not being judged. MrH is non judgmental of me and admires my SOH. It is easy to be funny when you are with people that give you that sort of place and space.

My siblings and I are like this, we still piss ourselves (Aussie for laugh our heads off) at the same stupid jokes year in, year out.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It seems like my husband has two modes this way.

One is where he's desperately trying to be funny and makes bad jokes, which to me are absolutely not funny.....just stupid.

But then there are other times when he's not trying to be funny, and those times he is hilarious. I really appreciate subtle and sarcastic humor, and he does that really well when he's not making so much effort.

As for me, I think my coworkers would tell you I'm quite funny, in the same sarcastic/subtle way. One of my favorite sitcoms ever was Frasier, if that tells you anything about what I find funny.

And I really liked Futurama, as evidenced by my avatar


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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

MEM2020 said:


> So what say you my fellow travelers? Is your partner funny? Do they 'get' your humor? Do they elicit a full body laugh from you?
> 
> This is a real part of what makes M2 irresistible.


You are very lucky that your partner has sense of humor. It is a very important part of life otherwise everything is just gray and dull. I crave distraction and and my wife being so serious drives me crazy.

Me on the other hand, I'm a goof ball! I do and say stuff that makes my wife poop her pants (literally sometimes).
I really miss this in my relationship, A LOT!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

It's probably a good sign that I can make Odo laugh at least as much as he makes me laugh. When he's having a good laugh, that's the best time to assault him with tickles.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

MEM2020 said:


> Vinny
> 
> Do you think funny women being a small minority is about them or about us?
> 
> ...


I don't think humor has anything to do with being male or female. I think it just comes from your personality in addition to how you were raised. 

My family has always had lots of laughter going on. We joke around; poke fun. We laugh at **** and fart jokes. Then on another note, we're all pretty conflict avoidant and I think that's because we're trying to lighten things up all the time. I believe we use humor as a way of coping. 

My husbands family is not very humorous at all. He was raised completely different than I was. His parents are very "proper". I've commented before that I felt they look down on me at times. My husband has gotten better over time with laughing in general and I think it's probably because of how I am and exposure to my family. Just last weekend, we went out to dinner with his family for a birthday meal. We went to BIL's house afterwards. My H & I both got up at the same time and blocked each other from passing, completely by accident. We just broke out into a little dance with each other. The Inlaws were looking at us at if we had an extra set of eyes on us; the only one laughing was the sister in law. 

Laughter is contagious. It feels good to laugh. And I'm thankful that my H has the ability to laugh along with me.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm actually rather fascinated by the concept that funny women are somehow rare or a small minority. That hasn't been my experience at all. I'm accounted to be funny - in a dry, witty, sarcastic way. All of my girlfriends, my mom, my sister-in-law, are all funny women. Many of the women I engage with in civic and charity organizations, local government agencies, and my wider social circle are quite witty and have excellent senses of humor. It's not always my sense of humor, but many of them are funny in their own way. 

I have, of coursed, experienced situations in which my humor wasn't well received by the other person. When I was dating, I quickly broke things off with any man who clearly didn't appreciate my sense of humor. I have other people I deal with in daily life who do not appreciate my humor, so I don't display it for them. I've also run into plenty of people whose sense of humor was not overly pleasing to me. Again, I avoid relationships with those types of people - or simply either ignore or play along with it if interactions cannot be avoided. I do think it's profoundly important to share a sense of humor with one's romantic partner.

But the idea that women aren't usually funny is somehow just so foreign to me. I seem to know about the same number of men and women who are funny, and about the same number who are not. To the point that humor being more a male attribute than female, would honestly _never_ have even entered my mind.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I am funny, my W isn't lol. I think that is actually part of the appeal to her. I have a much different way of viewing things, putting things in different perspectives. My humor also allows me to handle stresses much better.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I love that we 'get' each other to be playful and goofy. We bounce off one other and that causes lots of laughter and smiles between us. They're bonding moments occurring frequently. 

Our 22 year anniversary, lovely dinner out, the conversation flowing between us was ridiculous in the best possible way. Had me laughing all the way home. 

He gave a public speech not long ago. On the fly, just a mental sketch of what he was going to say. And he was naturally just funny being himself. The room was laughing and smiling just as I was. People told him afterwards how entertaining he was... he was genuinely surprised. It's something I've known all along. 

I find it endearing to be with a man who not only makes me laugh, can be goofy alongside me and encourages it, but who is also quick to laugh and doesn't take himself too seriously.

And when I start to take myself too seriously, brings perspective and inspires laughter.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My partner has all the laughter inducing ability of a funeral director. It's cultural, nearly everyone from her country is like that.

In my culture, too, being funny is not too welcome. Excessively funny... Not at all. My father's family are all dry folk. Like, wow. My mom's side, different part of the country, beyond funny.

My late brother and his wife... Nope. 

Me... I inherited my maternal grandfather's​ stunning sense of humor. My mom had it too. Half her brothers and sisters too. The grandkids, some. My older girl is ok, but the younger is beyond funny. 

TBH, I am not sure that being excessively funny helps. Understanding humor and enjoying it, yea, but being funny? Not sure.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Rowan said:


> But the idea that women aren't usually funny is somehow just so foreign to me. I seem to know about the same number of men and women who are funny, and about the same number who are not. To the point that humor being more a male attribute than female, would honestly _never_ have even entered my mind.


Agree!. Never heard that one before, and it never occurred to me to think that somehow men owned humor. 

I'm more of a wisecracker, which it turns out not so many people find all that funny-- although I did crack up a couple of meetings yesterday. 

My husband though does, and we often make each other laugh.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

MEM2020 said:


> So - as odd as this may sound - I've come round to thinking that laughter - is a type of admiration. A genuine, reflexive, un counterfeit-able type (of admiration) at that.


Not sure I would call it admiration. Appreciation, yes. Connection, absolutely. But admiration?

Was also surprised by your reference to social dominance.

To me the moment of humor is a juxtaposition, and laughter is much more tied to the moment and the content than to the person.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I dunno, I think I am funny and have a great sense of humor. My friends used to say I was the funniest person they ever met and laughed at my quips and stories all day. Towards the end my ex used to say I wasn't funny at all. My ex would in the meantime sit and laugh until she cried at America's Funniest Home Videos, which I thought were at the most mildly amusing but generally stupid. They reminded me of the movie Idiocracy. In that movie, people would sit for hours and watch TV shows about guys getting kicked in the balls, it was the highest rated TV show amongst the future dumb downed population. My ex thought Idiocracy was stupid and couldn't understand why the thought of someone watching those shows was funny, because she thought those shows were funny.
I think woman can be funny, but I think your level of funniness is rooted in your inhibitions. If you have a lot of hang ups about things, you probably take things too seriously. I also think that whatever your SoH is, it should match your SOs. If you can't laugh at yourselves, who can you laugh at.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thinking about it...I've always felt men are funnier over women...it is what it is... There are certain types of humor that can roll me on the floor.. then others.. I can do without...I may not even get it or think "that's just asinine, they are trying too hard" & not even crack a smile.. 

Looking back...it started in childhood.... boys seem to captivate me... when I was in the 2nd grade.. I had to be removed from class a # of times as I couldn't stop laughing at a couple boys sitting near me...They probably loved getting ME in trouble! Just something about the boys...









Combine that with a man having a gift of "story telling"...even if it's about someone else/ something they've witnessed that strikes them funny...there was I...captivated again, rows of laughter, sitting on the edge of my seat...

Comparing my parents, it was a similar thing...feeling my father was funnier over my Mother....he was more of a quiet man in public.. but give him a few beers or around his close buddies...the things that would fly out of his mouth /their mouths....or him going on about some experience he had..I loved it ... I gotta admit my Step Mother is a naturally a very funny woman ...she brings life to any party....the 2 of them together, they feed off of each other...lots of laughter in their circles..

I always felt my Uncle was funnier over my Aunts (they complained too much, too much drama) .. even my girlfriends.. you'd find me laughing more so when their brothers were around..... one did comics....they were blunt, devious, yet real to life, I would say "Southparkish"...these moments of laughter will always stay with me... he was another shyer guy...but darn he was funny.

My husband has a gift for doing "Imitations"....to the point I'd be holding my stomach, and have peed my pants...He'd impersonate customers he's had in the past, his Boss... by the time I met these people...I was clued in to their idiosyncrasies"....then it was like WOW.. did he have the VOICE down and captured the hilarious of what struck him.. . many times, he'd be sitting in the background, a group of us carrying on.. then suddenly out of nowhere comes this perfectly timed dry humored comment -often making fun of me -always great truth to it...and there I'd go... laughing till my stomach hurts..... 

I could name a handful of men over the years who've had this effect on me...


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

MEM2020 said:


> * I've come round to thinking that laughter - is a type of admiration. A genuine, reflexive, un counterfeit-able type (of admiration) at that.*
> 
> So what say you my fellow travelers? Is your partner funny? Do they 'get' your humor? Do they elicit a full body laugh from you?
> 
> This is a real part of what makes M2 irresistible.


The bolded part is quite a genius observation. I would agree wholeheartedly.

My BF is hilarious. We laugh every single day. We're talking pure, guttural laughter from the belly.

That is one of the very first things that attracted me to him. We met online and his profile was hysterical. I said, I have got to meet this man. Been together 5 years so far.

We both get each other's humor. I've mentioned this before, but when we go out in public, I swear it's like we're a comedy act on stage. We riff off each other constantly. And the best part is, people laugh!

His daughter, who we have every other weekend and all summer, is exactly the same way as both of us.

Our time together is filled with laughter.

A great sense of humor is a huge turn on for me.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I had this client I really liked. Took him and a few other folks out to dinner - wives included. 

M2 and I have this thing we do - it isn't scripted - it's just a thing. Usually starts with me telling an anecdote about something that happened. 

Afterwards the client guy said to me - I've been to a lot of business dinners with wives and have never seen that level of playful, hilarious dynamic you two have. 





lucy999 said:


> The bolded part is quite a genius observation. I would agree wholeheartedly.
> 
> My BF is hilarious. We laugh every single day. We're talking pure, guttural laughter from the belly.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

WJ,
Probably why we see it different. This isn't a 'funny situation' happens to unfold when I'm with M2. This is a case where - she takes a situation - and honestly - sometimes a situation with some conflict in it - and creates a full body laugh outcome. 

Nobody else I know - does that. 

Thing is - she is not consciously trying to be funny - she's just being her uninhibited self and it just produces this result. 

And the best way to explain the social dominance thing is this. 

Imagine you and your partner have deadlocked on something important. Doesn't matter what - but you are both dug in and not agreeable to giving an inch. 

Then - all the sudden your partner starts doing this - routine - and while you start laughing you are also realizing how ridiculous you are being on this topic. And a couple minutes in you hold up your hands - mid laugh - in surrender. 

THAT is an example of social dominance. 




wild jade said:


> Not sure I would call it admiration. Appreciation, yes. Connection, absolutely. But admiration?
> 
> Was also surprised by your reference to social dominance.
> 
> To me the moment of humor is a juxtaposition, and laughter is much more tied to the moment and the content than to the person.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

MEM2020 said:


> WJ,
> Probably why we see it different. This isn't a 'funny situation' happens to unfold when I'm with M2. This is a case where - she takes a situation - and honestly - sometimes a situation with some conflict in it - and creates a full body laugh outcome.
> 
> Nobody else I know - does that.
> ...


Hmmm.... not sure I'm really appreciating the picture you are painting ....

Can't recall a time I've been deadlocked with my husband. Neither one of us is really big on digging in our heels -- or giving up in surrender. 

We do, I suppose, use humor to defuse conflict, but maybe it's different? We're both much more prone to poking fun at ourselves, than we are at each other. 

I guess we don't really spar in the way you describe. Humor is more about looking at things sideways than in any kind of one-up-man-ship.

Sounds like your M2 has elevated it to an art form, though. Good for her!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I caught a comment from a colleague that had me chuckling this week. She continued the theme and we ended up in the middle of the office laughing so hard it became noiseless. There's many women around me who are funny... quirky, silly, dry, witty. 

I'd love to claim to be witty. I'm more just playful. Which my friend who is extremely dry, has a field day with!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

wild jade said:


> Not sure I would call it admiration. Appreciation, yes. Connection, absolutely. But admiration?
> 
> Was also surprised by your reference to social dominance.
> 
> To me the moment of humor is a juxtaposition, and laughter is much more tied to the moment and the content than to the person.


I liked your thoughts around this.

It caused me to consider admiration in terms of humor or those who are easy to laugh with. To an extent, I do feel admiration connected with humor. I felt admiration for my husband when he gave his speech... he was nervous and perhaps doesn't realize how engaging he can be. His ability to roll with that moment, to be himself (which naturally was funny when he wasn't even trying) did have me feeling warmth, respect and yes, admiration.

With others, context and consideration may be needed but generally someone willing to be open and particularly able to laugh at themselves and the moment does inspire a certain admiration in me. On another level, I tip my hat of admiration to professional comedians as I can only imagine what it takes to stand up and be open to instant feedback and being comfortable enough with that to keep honing their craft. Combined with the fact that many comedians not only have the ability to gain various insights but then deliver that in such a way it becomes artistic.

On a day-to-day level though, I 'admire' those who can face life and still able to laugh.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

heartsbeating said:


> I liked your thoughts around this.
> 
> It caused me to consider admiration in terms of humor or those who are easy to laugh with. To an extent, I do feel admiration connected with humor. I felt admiration for my husband when he gave his speech... he was nervous and perhaps doesn't realize how engaging he can be. His ability to roll with that moment, to be himself (which naturally was funny when he wasn't even trying) did have me feeling warmth, respect and yes, admiration.
> 
> ...


Interesting!

I admire all sorts of people for all sorts of things. For their kindness, their generosity, their strength, their brilliance. 

I also admire people who are wonderful to be around because of these characteristics, but as much as I enjoy humour, I don't really associate it with admiration. Not sure why. :scratchhead:

Agree, though, it takes a lot of guts to be a stand-up comic. But honestly, I don't find most of them very funny, and so very rarely listen. When they do a good job, though, it is certainly an admirable skill.


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