# Erotica -Is there a solution/compromise



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I would like to have a sharing session if there are any men out there who have found ways to get their wives to participate or at the very least be more OK with it. 

I would humbly ask the anti-porn ladies to refrain comments unless they feel they can add to the nature and productivity of my thread. I am not asking to agree just refrain from commenting on this post and to keep these types of comments on a more appropriate thread. 

Let me say my flavor for erotica is simply that which showcases the female beauty rather than that which contains actual sex. I limit this out or respect for my wife as the latter I believe is more offensive for me to view (in her eyes anyway) 

Before we were married we agreed that I would need to supplement our sex with my solo time as her libo was always lower than mine and has in fact deteriorated. She has no problem with me watching risqué shows on late night tv for visual stimuli however, this is not steady source of material for practical purposes but, computer based/nudity is objectionable to her.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Hmmm...is she able to explain where her disconnect between televised nudity and online nudity begins/comes from? What her thought processes (or gut response, as the case may be) are to similar content being distributed via different media? Is it the potential for interaction with someone at the other end of the online connection that makes the difference for her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I only view pics/videos. Never interactive. Many times my tv stuff is perhaps more tame to her. 

I think at the bottom of it all is her not feeling threatened/jealous that she won't "measure up". The truth is i am attracted to her but, like the visual. I think it is a guy visual/variety thing.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My wife has said something very similar. Along the lines about images on the computer / smartphone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Forgive me, if this is in your back story somewhere... would she object to boudoir photos? Or, specifically, photos/videos you record of her, or together? Would that be something that would satisfy your need for "more", but at the same time, keeps focus on her?


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

tjohnson said:


> I only view pics/videos. Never interactive.


Oh, I figured as much from what you said initially. I was just wondering if the mere remote potential that you could drift towards anything interactive might contribute to her "line in the sand."



> Many times my tv stuff is perhaps more tame to her.
> 
> I think at the bottom of it all is her not feeling threatened/jealous that she won't "measure up". The truth is i am attracted to her but, like the visual. I think it is a guy visual/variety thing.


If the content is (essentially) the same, I'd politely explain (and, if she's willing to see, show her) that only the delivery method is different; that what she finds acceptable for you to access via TV is simply coming through a different method of delivery. Explain your side, let her explain her side and, ideally, reach a mutually satisfactory agreement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

Might I respectfully offer a female opinion?

She *may* find TV more tolerable because you're not seeking it out actively. You are passively watching, not in control over what is being streamed. Vs. computer based same material, you are actively and conciously, with purpose, choosing your stimuli, which could be offending her for any number of reasons.
It may not make sense to you. I do not share this point of view but if I did, I could see myself "reason" like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

tjohnson said:


> *Let me say my flavor for erotica is simply that which showcases the female beauty rather than that which contains actual sex.* I limit this out or respect for my wife as the latter I believe is more offensive for me to view (in her eyes anyway)



I too, prefer erotica that showcases female beauty , but I don't really like hardcore erotica.
My wife also has the same taste, and she's not LD so I guess both she and I are on the same page.

If you want to get your wife to appreciate your tastes then you could probably search out for porn that is made for women, and produced by women.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

anja said:


> Might I respectfully offer a female opinion?
> 
> She *may* find TV more tolerable because you're not seeking it out actively. You are passively watching, not in control over what is being streamed. Vs. computer based same material, you are actively and conciously, with purpose, choosing your stimuli, which could be offending her for any number of reasons.
> It may not make sense to you. I do not share this point of view but if I did, I could see myself "reason" like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Interesting POV, anja. If I may, though, it overlooks the fact that TV's don't tune into channels on their own. ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Can you just BUY video's of late night risque shows that she approves of?


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## Aitrus (Mar 25, 2013)

How about the pictures you create in your mind? Written erotica, such as the kind at www.literocia.com, is just as erotic (to my male mind anyway) as a visual. Sometimes more so. They also have audio files. No visuals in any of these stories, unless you go the "Stories with illustrations" section. Would she be offended at these stories?


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## Kaboom (Feb 6, 2013)

I think that her problem is most likely social conditioning- She probably feels a specific way about it and is also probably conditioned to believe that by you watching porn, she is married to a "perv" and therefore it makes her feel bad. I don't think there's a way to unravel such conditioning, especially if she's LD, but I'd almost have to say her LD and adversity to porn (conditioning) are most likely related. If you can find a way to change her, it will have to be through changing her approach to sex in the bedroom first, then she might see porn differently. 

Trying to apply different rules to different mediums of erotica isn't going to help you I'm afraid. 

Just my opinion.. Good luck


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

In my wife's view, anything I would use to be stimulated by that's NOT her is cheating on her. 

I don't necessarily think that's wholly true, as everyone has thoughts in their mind, sees things that's are visually stimulating, etc. 

I dunno how the line is drawn, or how the logic works. 

It seems to me you're trying to pull her toward some direction, without really getting into an understanding of whatever her dynamics are. Perhaps a frank discussion where she explains what she thinks and why would help out both of you.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Forgive me, if this is in your back story somewhere... would she object to boudoir photos? Or, specifically, photos/videos you record of her, or together? Would that be something that would satisfy your need for "more", but at the same time, keeps focus on her?


:iagree: Along these same lines....do you have plenty of sexy and erotic pictures of her? Would she object if you request some of her wearing sexy lingerie of your choice, or posing for you? I have had lots of success with my wife with erotic digital pictures in many locations over the years. She says she is flattered that I use these for my own pleasure when she is not available or in the mood. Videos could accomplish the same thing. Have you tried things like this? These things keep the focus on her...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Some women say all porn is bad.
Some have no problem with canned non interactive porn.
Few dont have a problem with their husbands texting webcam girls.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

When we first got married...entered into a very non-porn marriage. But somewhere down the line we relaxed the rule...trying to be more experimental. If you do not have good, open communication about boundaries, expectations, and whatnot then porn can open a whole can of worms...especially if one has a preexisting sex addiction...such was the case with my wife...so our experimenting to "spice" things up, really just assisted in her relapses...where she was flirting with other men, chatting online...and suddenly, married sex just wasn't hitting her buttons anymore.
So presently, our experience with porn has left a bitter taste in our mouths...but I mainly blame it on a lack of honesty between us. So if you wish to introduce it, be very clear about what you imagine and and the extent of where you wish to take it...what are the hardline boundaries...cos she may want that safety, because there are a lot of things that she may just feel pressured to have to reenact with you that may violate her boundaries...and you don't want to do that. Be very honest...and give her the room for her to be honest...come up with compromises that will benefit the both of you...so even if she says nay on the porn, use the discussion as to how you would like to see some more excitement in your sex life. If she shuts down with everything...then its either you are pressuring her too much (and be sure to check your motives for wanting this in the first place)...or that perhaps you ought to see a sex therapist to help you two establish a marital sexual identity together.


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