# He went to Jared's???



## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

My husband told me on Nov. 11 that he wanted to separate. We had a short stint in counseling but he doesn't want to go anymore. We've been together for 7yrs and married for 5.5yrs and have a 7-month old daughter. We're still living in the same house and will separate once the house sells. He said he's going to start looking for another place to live and if he finds a good place for a good price, he'll move even without our house selling. Neither one of us can afford to move out and pay for 2 places.

This Sat is my bday. My H said he's going out on Fri night, Sat during the day and then Sat night to his work xmas party. I'm about 95% confident that he is NOT cheating but who ever knows 100%. 

I manage all of the finances in our home. We have a joint checking and savings but we also have our own separate account called "fun money". This is the account that each of us has and puts money into so we can spend on whatever we want. For example, if I want to get a pedicure, I can use the money in my "fun money" account (my H is very frugal). I know this is weird and what not but it has to do with his past and his childhood and just the way it is.

So yesterday I was paying bills for our house and I scanned all of our bank accounts. They are linked and both of our names are on all of our accounts (even each other's "fun money" accounts). I always scan the accounts to make sure nothing unusual is happening or someone stole our acct number, etc. My H knows I do this. Well when I was scanning the accounts yesterday I noticed that this past Tues he went to Jared's and bought something for $245. Now....I know he's not stupid enough to buy something for another woman on a bank account he knows I have access too and look at. If he bought something for our daughter's first xmas, any gifts for babies aren't expensive. It would be $100 max. His mom has passed, he has no sisters, and he has an aunt but we've already discussed and purchased her a gift. Plus his aunt isn't into jewelry. I don't want to ask him about it. I know a woman that works at Jared's (because both my H and my rings are from there) and I'm thinking that I should go there and just casually ask her for a copy of the receipt and just say that my husband lost it.

What do you guys think? What should I do?


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Go get a copy of that receipt. See if it was for a men's or woman's piece of jewelry. If it is a woman's piece and you don't get it as a gift, then you better do some more checking into him having an ow.

In the meantime, whatever you do DO NOT let him know you have a copy of that receipt!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Ok....I'll go get a copy of the receipt.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

What - if anything - will change depending on what you find? You have been told he's moving out and separating and you're selling the house. He is using his money, not joint funds.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

If he is cheating this is the proof she needs. This could possibly answer her question. 

Good move girl, get that copy and see how this weekend unfolds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

or he is trying to win you back, or guilty about his stupidity in regards to your birthday.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

verify.
If it turns out to be for you, well you can genuinely act surprised. If it turns out not to be for you, the knowledge will answer questions in your mind and help you make the necessary separation from the relationship.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

mablenc said:


> or he is trying to win you back, or guilty about his stupidity in regards to your birthday.


Could be, the only way to find out is to get the receipt and see if he gives her what he purchased.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So I have a question for you... You guys are "separated". Has there been any discussion if what that means? Any "rules" laid out? Any talk of reconciliation?

Ok, that was more than one question...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> Could be, the only way to find out is to get the receipt and see if he gives her what he purchased.


But if it's a necklace for example she won't know who its for, so a receipt will only tell her what he got.

If he gives her nothing or a non jewelry item, she will know.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

mablenc said:


> But if it's a necklace for example she won't know who its for, so a receipt will only tell her what he got.
> 
> If he gives her nothing or a non jewelry item, she will know.


She said above that he has no reason to buy jewelry for anyone but her or the kids.

Isn't it better to have that receipt in her possession?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

smallsteps said:


> She said above that he has no reason to buy jewelry for anyone but her or the kids.
> 
> Isn't it better to have that receipt in her possession?


Perhaps, but the only person she has to prove anything to is herself. If she knows there was a purchase and she didn't get the gift, what difference does it make if she knows exactly what was purchased? She already can print out that a purchase was made. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

If she has online access to her account and it will show what was purchased then fine, don't go get a receipt.

In some states adultery still makes a difference in a divorce. If her state is one of them, and he is, she should know.

If there is jewelry that was purchased, and she is not the recipient, then she should investigate further.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> If he is cheating this is the proof she needs. This could possibly answer her question.
> 
> Good move girl, get that copy and see how this weekend unfolds.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think he bought it for another woman. He's not that dumb to purchase it on an account that I am on and have access to and scan. He wouldn't do that.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

PBear said:


> So I have a question for you... You guys are "separated". Has there been any discussion if what that means? Any "rules" laid out? Any talk of reconciliation?
> 
> Ok, that was more than one question...
> 
> ...


We're separated and sleeping in different rooms in the same house. I did tell him that during separation there was to be no physical or emotional relationship with anyone else and if he wants to have sex or do whatever, he needs to divorce me first. He said he has no problems with those terms.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

How about this. How about I wait until Sat which is my bday and see if he gives me anything. If not....then I'll wait until xmas because it's just around the corner. If still nothing, then I will go get a copy of the receipt to see what was purchased and use that as my proof?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

What are you hoping this turns out to be?

And do they sell anything for men in that store? Maybe he bought himself a watch or something.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

heartbroken0426 said:


> I don't think he bought it for another woman. He's not that dumb to purchase it on an account that I am on and have access to and scan. He wouldn't do that.


No offence intended, but he's a dumbass if he bought it for another woman, and he's a dumbass if he bought it for you, knowing you have access to his account. Either way, it's a fail. Unless he's just spoiling himself. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Norahane - yes you can buy men's stuff but he wouldn't buy himself anything. My mom is a jeweler and has bought him a nice necklace that he loves and a Tag watch for our wedding which he loves. If he had to buy a ring for himself then he'd buy something more industrial by design that a place like Jared's wouldn't carry.

What do I hope? I don't know. Well honestly....I hope he bought me something for my bday because that'll tell me that there is hope? I guess I'm not fully 100% ready to give up hope on our marriage.

PBear - I'm like 99.9% positive it isn't for another woman. He is 110% not that dumb. His image is important to him, and if he was caught cheating on his wife 7months after having a baby then he'd be strung up and hung by his co-workers and friends/family. I agree that he's a dumbass if it's for me as well but I wonder if he's playing games with me. I wonder if he did it to see if I say anything and to see if I was checking his bank account. Sounds like a game, right?


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

heartbroken0426 said:


> Norahane - yes you can buy men's stuff but he wouldn't buy himself anything. My mom is a jeweler and has bought him a nice necklace that he loves and a Tag watch for our wedding which he loves. If he had to buy a ring for himself then he'd buy something more industrial by design that a place like Jared's wouldn't carry.
> 
> What do I hope? I don't know. Well honestly....I hope he bought me something for my bday because that'll tell me that there is hope? I guess I'm not fully 100% ready to give up hope on our marriage.
> 
> PBear - I'm like 99.9% positive it isn't for another woman. He is 110% not that dumb. His image is important to him, and if he was caught cheating on his wife 7months after having a baby then he'd be strung up and hung by his co-workers and friends/family. I agree that he's a dumbass if it's for me as well but I wonder if he's playing games with me. I wonder if he did it to see if I say anything and to see if I was checking his bank account. Sounds like a game, right?



I hope you are right and he did buy it for you but you need to be prepared for the possibility that he bought it for someone else. When it comes to affairs sometime men don't think things out before doing stupid stuff like buying an ow something on a joint account.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Well I'm now like 99% positive that the Jared's gift is for me. My H just e-mailed me saying that our daughter has a bday gift for me tomorrow. So what do I think about this? Is he maybe coming back to me? If he doesn't want to spend any time with me on my bday then why take the time to get me a gift? Is he only getting it out of obligation and can care less?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Be cautious. Don't read something into this that isn't there. If the gift is for you and he's giving it to you from your daughter, he is acknowledging you as the mother of his young daughter. Take that at face value. Believe me, many here no longer receive that.
Whatever it is, I hope it is beautiful.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

heartbroken0426 said:


> Well I'm now like 99% positive that the Jared's gift is for me. My H just e-mailed me *saying that our daughter has a bday gift for me tomorrow*. So what do I think about this? Is he maybe coming back to me? If he doesn't want to spend any time with me on my bday then why take the time to get me a gift? Is he only getting it out of obligation and can care less?


I don't think he wants to get back if he is saying its from your daughter. More like the mother of my child gift.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would also caution against reading too much into it. Just go with the flow. It could be guilt (over leaving, over another woman), he might be trying to reconcile, he might be trying to blow smoke up your butt... Impossible to tell at this point. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

How do I act then? Just say "thank you"? Give him a hug? How should I respond?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

If it is "from your daughter" hug her and say thank you to her. 

Do what feels ok to you.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Be cautious. An affair red flag is usually big/expensive gifts out of the blue. With you guys being "separated" I would say be on your toes as usually separated people do not buy each other jewelry.

And buying a gift doesn't necessarily mean someones intentions are to get back together. Especially as he said it was a gift from your daughter and not him.


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## shooby1213 (Dec 10, 2013)

my bday is today. this morning I got two cards, a stuff animal, lotion and body wash.he sang happy birthday to me hugs and all...its so important to not read into anything and just take it day by day and what ever happens, happens


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

heartbroken0426 said:


> How do I act then? Just say "thank you"? Give him a hug? How should I respond?


act like you feel. 

tell him to shove it up his a$$ unless he is going too show real commitment and do/go to MC 

he should come to you and say to you face that he loves you and is sorry for causing all this drama. he should act like a man and not say our daughter got you a gift for your birthday and then he get a free pass on acting like someone who is gearing up to leave his family.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

I'll post on here tomorrow after I get the gift. He spent $250 according to the bank account. Wish me good luck!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Make sure you look smoking hot and he knows you will be heading out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

So do you think he did it intentionally? To get caught because he wants a divorce and he wants you to ask for one? Maybe he wants to get caught.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

The jewelry was for me. He bought me a pandora bracelet with 3 charms on it. One charm was with my daughter's birthstone, another charm was my birthstone and the charm in the middle was a heart with "mother" written on it. 

Mablenc - I just went to my aunt/uncle's house for the day. I didn't tell him where I was going or long I would be gone. He went to the gym in the morning and I was gone with our daughter before he got back.


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