# mediation



## volley (Aug 24, 2013)

I went to mediation yesterday and have been crying ever since. How do you deal with your child going with someone who hasn't taken care of a child without being supervised and taking the word from someone who has done so much lying. How do you deal with putting a 16 month old in this position? How does a mediator tell someone to leave their emotions out of it when you have been so hurt by someone else and were left to take care of your child by yourself for 6 months. Also knowing that the B**** that helped break up your marriage will be taking care of your child. I have such high anxiety about this situation and my STBXH starts picking my son up tomorrow.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why did you agree to mediation? 

C
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## volley (Aug 24, 2013)

It was recommended by both of our lawyers, so I agreed to try it since I was told that the alternative is a lengthy process. I honestly don't know how much more of this stuff I can take!
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## volley (Aug 24, 2013)

Got through my STBXH taking my son for visitation. Of course he came to the house and asked me to check if the car seat was installed correctly, it wasn't even close. I asked if he knew how to strap him in and he said yes, after 5 minutes I went out to help him and told him he needs to learn how to do these things. I was just thankful my son came home in one piece!


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Please tell me you did not sign anything. And car seat is a major safety issue. my kid would not ho anywhere eithout it being taken care of properly.. i would file for emergency custody if need be bit at least he asked for help which shows he is semi willing to learn.
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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Mediation is less expensive than going through attorneys, but it ONLY works when a couple is going through a fairly amicable divorce.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Pluto2 said:


> Mediation is less expensive than going through attorneys, but it ONLY works when a couple is going through a fairly amicable divorce.


This. Unless you think you can "get over" your anger and hurt, you're in for a painful process. I wish you well.

C


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## volley (Aug 24, 2013)

I have not signed anything and we go back to mediation in 2 weeks. I am just having a hard time with the whole thing of my STBX just waltzing in and I'm just supposed to be accommodating to his schedule. How is it fair that all of a sudden he wants to spend time with his son and I'm just supposed to be agreeable when he hasn't been around the last 6 months and hasn't paid for anything for him. I think it's bulls***!
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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

volley said:


> I have not signed anything and we go back to mediation in 2 weeks. I am just having a hard time with the whole thing of my STBX just waltzing in and I'm just supposed to be accommodating to his schedule. How is it fair that all of a sudden he wants to spend time with his son and I'm just supposed to be agreeable when he hasn't been around the last 6 months and hasn't paid for anything for him. I think it's bulls***!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Take more control of the situation. Certain things you have control over. As you mentioned, you shouldn't have to accommodate his schedule and you should be fighting to get one set in stone.

If he is not paying anything, this should be brought up in mediation. Co-Parenting schedule and Child Support are 2 primary and routine issues brought up in divorce when children are involved. Is this mediator not dealing with this?

As for the time he wants 'all of a sudden' with your son, unless he is physically or morally harming him in some way, you will have to come to terms with him wanting to be a father out of the blue. But you should not be fixing his inability to be a father, as hard as it may be for you.

The mediator is right in a sense, it's time to check the emotions at the door but it is not so you can roll over and play dead. Set the emotions aside and start educating yourself on your rights, the rights of your child and how you want the co-parenting to be done.

What is the custody arrangement currently? Does he have him every other weekend plus a mid week visitation? One week / one week? 2-2-3?

Why is he not paying Child Support? Are you legally entitled to alimony?

Have boundaries been set on when contact between the parents is okay? Pick up times, drop off times, what is to be packed, etc.

It's not easy, I've been there but you aren't helpless if you don't want to be.


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