# Pics of Wife in Bra Disturbing



## Bill_123

We are a 40-is couple with a good marriage. I have a question about something I would like some opinions on. My wife recently attended one of those parties where the hostess is an agent for a lingerie line, maybe just bra's. I can't remember the name although it sounded familiar. However, during the course of the party, some of the ladies began to take photos of each other in various bra's. I was browsing through our joint email (we share alike, no privacy was broken) and noticed that the ladies have been emailing some of the pics to one another. I saw two pics of my wife in different bra's, one of which was rather modest in coverage and one in which she is wearing an average looking bra that is quite lacy as far as the fabric goes. Therefore, her nipples are somewhat visible through the cups. I'm sure some of the other husbands have seen these pics as I have and I'm a little uncomfortable with this. I asked my wife about it briefly and she said that pics are always taken at one of these parties and that it's just a girl thing. She showed or stated no concern that other men have surely seen her in the pics or the fact that her nipples are visible. I would like to hear from other guys as to whether you think I'm over-reacting and also from the ladies: would you mind if similar pics were taken by friends and emailed to each other, knowing that they may be seen by someone other than your female friend? Has this in fact been done by anyone here?


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## elee

I have never been to a lingerie party, and for myself, I would probably not enjoy knowing my picture was being emailed, even if it was just to other women at the party. However that is my own self esteem issues, and other women may not mind. I don't believe either is wrong or right.

I think you are being sensitive. She didn't try to hide it from you, and didn't lie about it when asked, therefore she doesn't feel she is doing anything wrong, and she can't control what other women email to each other. If it bothers you that much, just politely ask her to not participate in taking pictures at the parties in the future, or ask that her friends not send her picture out.


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## peacefully

I personally would not do that. If and I mean IF I were to ever have any kind of even slightly provocative photos taken, they would be for my husband/significant other's eyes only.


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## revitalizedhusband

I wouldn't like this for my wife either, so you are not in the wrong.


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## Amplexor

I don't think you are over reacting. I wouldn't be comfortable with it either especially since the husbands may be acquaintances of mine also. Discuss it with her and ask her to understand and respect your boundaries.


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## Deejo

Context is everything. From what little I know of these things, the goal is about helping the woman identify what is flattering, and makes them happy. I believe photos are taken for reference - they also do some pretty precise measuring. My spouse went to one after children and nursing, it was specifically for bras. I don't believe the photos are meant to be provocative.

If it makes you uncomfortable, so be it, but I would file this one under "choose your battles wisely."
Depending upon how you choose to approach the subject with your wife, will determine the impact and outcome of that conversation. 

In the scheme of things, I just wouldn't dwell on it much. Is your concern that you saw photos of your wife, or you saw photos of your wifes friends and found them arousing, which in turn made you wonder who has seen your wife?


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## angryandfrustrated

If it helps I will mention that I dont know any other couples that share email so not every husband has seen it. I understand why you are upset though. Those are very sensitive photos that she is allowing to be distributed. I wonder if she is embarrassed to ask the other women not to send them. Although I think that she should be a bit more responsive to your concerns please rest assure that she most likely didnt think that you would mind.


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## Commited1

Bill I would be SO pissed off! But then I'd think about it alot and get over it. Tell her how you feel, tell her that it hurts your feelings (which it does, don't be shy about that), and that if she cares for your feelings she will not have any more photos taken of her in a bra. 

Then get over it. If everything else is good, don't let something stupid ruin it. Be mad, vent, express, communicate yours self clearly and don't let petty things f up your enjoyment of your wife and your life. 

good luck!


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## scarletblue

Well, I have never been to one of those parties, and I thought I'd been to them all. The problem I have is that no matter how comfortable I may have been with my friends....you have no control what happens with pics of you once they hit the internet.

One email to an idiot who misuses the picture and you're in trouble. Stuff like this can come back and bite you in the butt real easy. What if someone at work ends up with it and the boss ends up seeing it, etc? What if someone's teenage son ends up with it? 

Yes, it could start out as getting an opinion on what is flattering, but a couple "forwards" from now, that is lost in the shuffle.


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## Tweak

Photoshop can make a innocent photo into something XXX rated.
They even have xray filters for solid fabrics.They can manipulate the pics and see through the fabrics.

That said,If it was my wife I would be madder then hell,not because of the pics themselves but because she has never and has stated she will never let me take pics of her,in underwear or nude.I would feel betrayed.

Also breasts in the USA is a nudity area,it is erotic to see them.Even when a lady is nursing.However I feel that if a woman wanted to walk down the street without a top it should be allowed.Men go shirtless alot in the summer,I say remove the taboo and level the playing field.

I am twisted different then most males.I find it erotic to know my wife is looked at with lust from other guys.Oddly I am threatened by Females looking at her in this way,mostly because they can give something I can never give with them being a female.

You need to talk to her,not in anger or nothing like that.You need to explain calmly why it makes you upset.If she still does not understand,ask her if it would make her feel weird that you were trading pics of your man bits with your buddies so you could judge the fit of some underwear.

Hey Bob,these look good on me?
Yeah John,the really bring out the overall tone of.....


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## bacala787

It her body she can share it as she wishes, and if she's ok with the pics then you need to be too.... in fact your a lucky guy with such a confident wife!


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## Affaircare

I've been to one of those parties--it was about lingerie and some things that could be sexy without being "sex toys"--and in the context of the party sometimes you can discuss a little more openly with other women around things that other women might not normally just bring up in conversation. Thus, trying on different bras and taking pictures in and of itself seems appropriate from what I know of the parties. The idea is to try on something and have another lady say "How's this look on me?" I could even see taking photos and then I'd send the photo to say "See? Here's how nice this looked on you!" 

The trouble is just like scarletblue says! You have no control what happens with pics of you once they hit the internet. One email to an idiot who misuses the picture and you're in trouble. ...What if someone at work ends up with it , or some with the Photoshop skills that Tweak mentions. In that instance it may have been meant as private fun between ladies but it turned into inappropriate XXX photos seen around the internet! 

Thus, even though the intent was trusting and innocent, I'd think it behooves Bill's wife to realize that she could be compromised and ask that the photos be deleted by the person who has them and please don't send out anymore. I don't think it was meant to cause XXX issues but it could oh so easily go there!


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## 63Vino

ok differing point of view from most. I would not be upset in any way. 
Like you indicated. there was nothing to it, in that she didnt make a secret of it.
Do you find your wife attractive? Then its fair that other men might also. Its your relationship that should keep you two true to each other, not keeping her covered up.

I think you could be happy for her that she was able to be with the girls and have girl fun. Many women are very insecure about their bodies. These parties or activities probably have a support group effect, them telling each other how nice they look.
Yea. I really would not be upset at all. Tell her the pics were great and she should be a model.

Assuming you saw some of the pics then YOU are the one that other husbands should be worried about right? 

haha Your not going to like this... but take it to another level.
Make her wear very convering clothes, a burka!!
Of course thats ridiculous. Just pointing out that everyone has a different line.

of course im assuming that your the one (maybe only one) who breached the circle. The ladies im sure are respectful of each others privacy. To me your wife should have been more careful with their privacy.


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## inquiringbrain

Let her find you looking at pictures of the other women and tell her how excited you're feeling. Maybe then she'll get it.


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## Rob774

If its ladies sending it to other ladies... to me, its no big deal. Can they get out, sure they can. But that can happen in any venture. Speak to her about, but please don't make a big fuss over it. I really see this as a non issue. Sometimes when everything is fine, we look for things to go wrong...


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## chillymorn

If this situation was reversed the advice would be if your uncomfortable with it your wife should understnd and stop it. maybe even apologise.and promise not to do it again and have them removed. Hey Hes comunicating that it bothers him and is uneasy with it she should respect her husbands feelings and act accordingly.


But the double standard rises again. 

I guess mens feeling don't really matter.


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## mrsromance

my husband use to be uncomfortable about me wearing form fitting tops and i never thought anything about it. i am top heavy so to me everything fits snug, but since then i have started paying attention to my tops.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

It wouldn't be an issue for me either. Your wife doesn't seem to have an issue with it, it was done during a lingerie show so it's within the context of that (I've been to them). Based on that information, what is the real issue? If just that the women are e-mailing them to each other to show what these bra's look like on, or what? Models in catalogs model bras and underwear - its not like this is a porn pic that is being circulated.

In my opinion, as a wife and woman, you're overreacting for me. But - since this does bother you - ask her to not e-mail any of her pictures out and to ask her friends to make sure that none of their boyfriends or husbands have access to the ones that have already been e-mailed. But, you nor her can stop the pictures that are already out there - if it's no big deal to your wife, then chalk it up to a lesson learned and carry on - just my opinion.


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## takris

I tend to agree with your fears. Depends on what you suspect to be the motivation. 

In a couple of cases, my wife's friends were casual about being seen in just a bra and skirt or something similar, like when we were picking them up for an event, and she was getting dressed, but it got ugly when one husband tried to pick a fight with me about the way his wife dressed when he wasn't around. Apparently, there was a reason for the way she dressed, or didn't. Although I tried not to look, the sheer fabric was pretty enticing.

I can't help but think that all the ones who are saying that it's her business could be a little naive without understanding the motivation behind it and your mutual values.


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## L.M.COYL

I think it's plain wrong.

And yes, you are justified in being concerned.


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## unbelievable

I don't know. The emails weren't intended for you or any other male. They were sent between females. You peeked into "their" little world and that's on you. It's possible other husbands may have seen them, but even if they did, that wasn't your wife's intent.
Maybe it's not the smartest course to have your picture taken in your underwear, but I think most adults have seen women in bras before and I doubt your wife has equipment which is uncommon to her gender. If she looks hot in lingerie, consider yourself lucky and seize every opportunity to have her model for you. I wouldn't be thrilled with photos of my wife in her bra floating around cyberspace but unless she deliberately sent them to a guy, I wouldn't come unglued. I'd just think she was a little naive and I'd tell her so and just leave it at that. You've got a great woman that looks great, too. What more could a guy want?


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## Catherine602

Affaircare said:


> I've been to one of those parties--it was about lingerie and some things that could be sexy without being "sex toys"--and in the context of the party sometimes you can discuss a little more openly with other women around things that other women might not normally just bring up in conversation. Thus, trying on different bras and taking pictures in and of itself seems appropriate from what I know of the parties. The idea is to try on something and have another lady say "How's this look on me?" I could even see taking photos and then I'd send the photo to say "See? Here's how nice this looked on you!"
> 
> The trouble is just like scarletblue says! You have no control what happens with pics of you once they hit the internet. One email to an idiot who misuses the picture and you're in trouble. ...!


 I think this is the problem, someone was unwise to email pics of her and she is unwise not to have a problem with it. The pics were for her eyes only and for you too. Can you sit and talk with her from the stand point of how unwise it is to have pics in her bra emailed. She may not admit that she sees your point at first so don't press the point. 

I don't agree with a previous poster that it is her body bla bla, yes it is her's but she should show some common sense and guard her privacy. Her husband is perfectly within his rights to attempt to correct his wife if she is doing something stupid. It would hardly be loving if he did not. 

Perhaps, if you ask that she not compromise her privacy again, for her own good. If it still bothers you and she will not acknowledge her error, then you can tell her you will drop the subject for now and talk about it when she has had a chance to think about it. Try to drive home the point as to how stupid it is to email anything sensitive. How is she going to guide her children on what to do if she has such bad judgement.


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## dontwanttoloseher

it would and did bother me. My wife did something similar,she was at a friends family party, the ones where the kids go outside and play and the husbands/wifes tlak indoors. I didnot go as I worked late and was tired. the women, also in their early 40's sent mea picture from a cell of one of thier chests, shirt up cupped breast behind a lace bra. "Guess whos they are?" is what the caption said .. my wife sent them. When she got home she told me she also took a few pictures ike that because they "made her" do it which started an argument. Over the last few months since, she has deleted the picture from my phone and somehow convinced herself it never happened, and I am crazy. So I snooped, and I also found on her Facebook page she signed up to Zoosk the onine dating app and had a few of the same women as "friends" on Zoosk, has been deleting male coworkers from her cell phone, "just so I wouldn't get mad as they were all work related anyway" told me she hasn't been happy in a few years brought up women from my past, though prior to the 2 of us being together brought up an ex that cheated on me multiple times, but still tells me she LOVES me deeply and never wants to lose me.... I am soo confused, but finally fed up and actually treating her like my first GF she brought up that cheated on me, and I knew anout a few, so I did the same, haven't cheated on my wife, but the non chalant attitude is here and she is being nicer as she likes it when I am a little bit "mean"?? 
did i mention we have been together 20 years also, married 14?


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## Joyofmarriage

I understand your concern and feelings. It would have bothered be greatly at one time. It is ok for her to know your feelings, but she did not do it with any bad intentions, and as far as the pics showing a little see through, some years ago it would have drove a guy crazy to see that, but now now we live in a time where beaches are full of bikinis, skimpy clothing etc, I think we are becoming desensitized to that kind of thing, a breast is a breast and breasts have nipples, some women are blessed with bigger nipples and can't always help that they show through a bra and shirt. 
I think most men now look at that and say nice bra and just get on with their work.
Share your feelings with her but don't be hard on her, it's not worth starting marriage problems over it.


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## Sussieq

Bill_123 said:


> We are a 40-is couple with a good marriage. I have a question about something I would like some opinions on. My wife recently attended one of those parties where the hostess is an agent for a lingerie line, maybe just bra's. I can't remember the name although it sounded familiar. However, during the course of the party, some of the ladies began to take photos of each other in various bra's. I was browsing through our joint email (we share alike, no privacy was broken) and noticed that the ladies have been emailing some of the pics to one another. I saw two pics of my wife in different bra's, one of which was rather modest in coverage and one in which she is wearing an average looking bra that is quite lacy as far as the fabric goes. Therefore, her nipples are somewhat visible through the cups. I'm sure some of the other husbands have seen these pics as I have and I'm a little uncomfortable with this. I asked my wife about it briefly and she said that pics are always taken at one of these parties and that it's just a girl thing. She showed or stated no concern that other men have surely seen her in the pics or the fact that her nipples are visible. I would like to hear from other guys as to whether you think I'm over-reacting and also from the ladies: would you mind if similar pics were taken by friends and emailed to each other, knowing that they may be seen by someone other than your female friend? Has this in fact been done by anyone here?


Why are you sharing an email account?


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## Thor

Affaircare said:


> The trouble is just like scarletblue says! You have no control what happens with pics of you once they hit the internet. One email to an idiot who misuses the picture and you're in trouble. ...What if someone at work ends up with it , or some with the Photoshop skills that Tweak mentions. In that instance it may have been meant as private fun between ladies but it turned into inappropriate XXX photos seen around the internet!


I am a pretty conservative man in my 50's, and really the only problem I have with it is what Affaircare wrote. A bra is no different than a bathing suit, or a t-shirt with no bra. It does not bother me in the context of the original intent of the photos and if some neighbor sees them.

There is a real potential problem as quoted above, though, and that is what I would discuss with the wife and her friends.


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## tacoma

This isn't something that would bother me.

However I'm not you so she should at least give some credence to your concerns.

Just ask her not to put herself in a position for photos like these to be taken.

Tweak does have a good point OP with that photo in hand I could have your wife completely topless in under 30 seconds in Photoshop.


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## PBear

Three year old zombie thread alert...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma

PBear said:


> Three year old zombie thread alert...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When will I learn?


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## wiigirl

L.M.COYL said:


> I think it's plain wrong.
> 
> And yes, you are justified in being concerned.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joyofmarriage

Thor said:


> I am a pretty conservative man in my 50's, and really the only problem I have with it is what Affaircare wrote. A bra is no different than a bathing suit, or a t-shirt with no bra. It does not bother me in the context of the original intent of the photos and if some neighbor sees them.
> 
> There is a real potential problem as quoted above, though, and that is what I would discuss with the wife and her friends.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joyofmarriage

I agree with Thor it is no big deal except what if some one misuses the photos, bit we have to keep in mind that even a normal photo can be messed around with that is the reality of today no matter how modest a photo you post
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

Sussieq said:


> Why are you sharing an email account?


Zombie thread.

It is called transparency. Assume that whatever you send to a friend is likely to be seen / shared with their spouse. And therefore could end up on the internet. Or be used for wank material. YMMV.


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## Joyofmarriage

tacoma said:


> This isn't something that would bother me.
> 
> However I'm not you so she should at least give some credence to your concerns.
> 
> Just ask her not to put herself in a position for photos like these to be taken.
> 
> Tweak does have a good point OP with that photo in hand I could have your wife completely topless in under 30 seconds in Photoshop.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joyofmarriage

Today whether you are at the beach among all the bikinis or at the mall with all the skimpy shirts and skin tight yoga pants it doesn't leave much for the imagination anymore. We either beef up the clothing and keep things hidden or just get used to the way things are today
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantePe

Tweak said:


> Photoshop can make a innocent photo into something XXX rated.
> They even have xray filters for solid fabrics.They can manipulate the pics and see through the fabrics.
> 
> That said,If it was my wife I would be madder then hell,not because of the pics themselves but because she has never and has stated she will never let me take pics of her,in underwear or nude.I would feel betrayed.
> 
> Also breasts in the USA is a nudity area,it is erotic to see them.Even when a lady is nursing.However I feel that if a woman wanted to walk down the street without a top it should be allowed.Men go shirtless alot in the summer,I say remove the taboo and level the playing field.
> 
> I am twisted different then most males.I find it erotic to know my wife is looked at with lust from other guys.Oddly I am threatened by Females looking at her in this way,mostly because they can give something I can never give with them being a female.
> 
> You need to talk to her,not in anger or nothing like that.You need to explain calmly why it makes you upset.If she still does not understand,ask her if it would make her feel weird that you were trading pics of your man bits with your buddies so you could judge the fit of some underwear.
> 
> Hey Bob,these look good on me?
> Yeah John,the really bring out the overall tone of.....


Just to reiterate the photoshop comment. Give me a photo like what OP describes and I can prove that comment 10 ways to Sunday.

Me, if that happened to me, I don't care what the damn picture was for you just don't go emailing that kind of stuff to other people. Under garments are under garments for a reason.

I find this kind of behavior disrespectful of the relationship and marriage. If it's a boundary for you, dang straight you should be enforcing it. This kind of behavior, regardless of context, is a deal breaker for me.

(I'm a woman by the way if that helps you understand my point of view)


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## that_girl

This thread is 4 years old...


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