# Been kinda quiet lately...



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

but I've been reading a lot...just haven't felt like I've had much to offer...been sick the past few weeks...I think the high blood alcohol levels I used to have killed the germs, I can't remember the last time I felt this miserable for this long...oh yeah, it was when my 21 year old Sean was born...I had the flu and couldn't hold my new son for almost a week...

Seems like the yoyo game she was playing since January has ended for the time being...we got close, she'd push away, spend a night here or there with me, then withdraw again...I'd be flying like a kite, then go a week without hearing from her...finally about a month ago, I told her no more...it was all or nothing...I told her we needed counseling, she said she wanted to go to individual counseling first...she kept putting it off...finally, she has an appointment later this week...

she has also drawn closer the past few weeks...we've spent a lot of time together, not always positive, but the communication is better, even when we don't see eye to eye, we are able to express it better...we chat constantly, good deep chats, over the net...

last night we were chatting and she said her back was bothering her...I offered a back rub and she told me to get there asap...we spent the night together...it's weird, I can't slep without her and when we are together, I can't sleep because I want to hold her and look at her all night!

Hey Freak...we made love..the foreplay lasted forever...and then we went to sleep in each others arms...or she did...

She is talking about MC counseling...wants to go on a couples retreat...trying to figure out how to schedule it...I'm watching the grandbaby tomorrow, then fixing us dinner...

long post, a lot of work to be done...but she does tell me she loves me...

now if I could quit hacking up a lung, things would be good...

take care my friends...there is hope!


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Sounds like things may be going the way for you getting back together, good luck !!


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

just sent this to her...

I've told you this before, but...I can hardly sleep without you being here..and when we are together, I can hardly sleep because I want to spend the entire night holding you, looking at you...

I haven't told you enough how beautiful you are...I haven't worked hard enough as your husband...haven't said thank you enough...haven't always been your best friend...

I'm learning...I'm learning that waking up with a beautiful woman in your arm is priceless...holding her all night long is priceless...but you can't ignore the day...you've got to do the small things that fill up the day...I've got to do more, say hello, goodbye better...say thank you...show that I love you!

I'm learning there is so much more to love than what i given in the past...and I love you!


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

DjF said:


> just sent this to her...
> 
> I've told you this before, but...I can hardly sleep without you being here..and when we are together, I can hardly sleep because I want to spend the entire night holding you, looking at you...
> 
> ...


Thanks.. now I am crying again, I wish you all the luck in the world *hugs*


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Thanks.. now I am crying again, I wish you all the luck in the world *hugs*


(passes tissues over to AIM)


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> (passes tissues over to AIM)


Thank you.. I need a whole loo roll at this rate!


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Thank you.. I need a whole loo roll at this rate!


tis a big box


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Sorry...didn't mean to make anyone cry...I've done enough of that in the past fews months for all of us...

I'm watching the grandbaby this afternoon (I'm on Spring Break)...then I'm taking her back home...no, I refuse to call that apartment my grandbaby's home...I'm taking her 'there" and going to fix dinner for my wife since she works all day...let's see... steamed/baked BBQ chicken...broccoli with noodles, tossed salid...french bread...might take her a bottle of wine...

just me, her...and the grandbaby...and the 16 year old depending on whether he wants to eat a good meal, or frozen pizza!


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

DjF said:


> Sorry...didn't mean to make anyone cry...I've done enough of that in the past fews months for all of us...
> 
> I'm watching the grandbaby this afternoon (I'm on Spring Break)...then I'm taking her back home...no, I refuse to call that apartment my grandbaby's home...I'm taking her 'there" and going to fix dinner for my wife since she works all day...let's see... steamed/baked BBQ chicken...broccoli with noodles, tossed salid...french bread...might take her a bottle of wine...
> 
> just me, her...and the grandbaby...and the 16 year old depending on whether he wants to eat a good meal, or frozen pizza!


Aww Hope that you're having a lovely day with the bubba 

I'm jealous that she lets you spend any time with her  My H, just doesn't seem interested in, never asks and I don't suggest it. *sigh*


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Am so happy to hear how well things are going. Keep up the good work!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Dan that sounds awesome.  So so happy for you !Loved your letter as well !
I'm yet to experience any of the things you describe.
My H. is coming around too,he is talking to me like crazy on the phone... calls 2 times a day...i'm still having my guard up but he is talking to me about everything(only not our issues) and I just can't believe what a difference.He keeps saying the he is really excited to get back with me...we'll see...it's going to be weird now to live with him and sleep next to him.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Vivea...like I've said before...expect the best, pray for it...but be prepared for the worst...that is still, even with things going well, what I do...

I'm preparing myself to be single...I work onstantly to be a better man, to stay sober...I will survive no matter what happens...but I do like the direction things are going...my wife notices how hard I've been working on myself...

And my daughter, who swore I'd never get to spend anytime with her baby...who I've hard the biggest work cut out to repair our relationship...well, just letting me watch Layla for her speaks volumns...

A lot of work to do...I've addressed my issues...my wife needs to work on her issues more than me now (she didn't think we would/could get back together) so she has put things off on her own part...she needs to learn to take better care of herself...better care of her surroundings...and a few other things!

I see a bright future...


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I am jealous of you both  *hugs to you all*


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

AmI...I'm sorry babe  we don't mean to tease you guys....things are better but don't be too jealous..when I feel the connection that we've had before than I can be excited...at the moment it's still a little struggle.. :/

Dan...you're right ,things can still backfire...there is no question about it.

I'm a little disappointed today.He told me he found an awesome house BUT it'll be ready June 1st....so he was asking me if we can extend with 1 more month.
I do like it here with my family and everything BUT i keep thinking ...is he doing this on purpose...does he still need more time ...he offered to give me the link with the house but i haven't gotten anything yet.
I don't know...it might be the truth BUT it's hard to deal with this now when all i want is to get back together so we can finally try and be a family...
When he told me about the house I think he figured that i might think he chickened out and he quickly added...""I'm really excited"" 

He keeps calling though,called today before work,now on his lunch break ,i'm sure will call tonight ...I'm just getting tired of these pointless phone calls...i still struggle with them,i want to physically see him  . Another 2.5 months until... it sucks.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

DjF said:


> Hey Freak...we made love..the foreplay lasted forever...and then we went to sleep in each others arms...or she did...


:banghead: :slap: Is this supposed to make me feel better? 

Where the hell is that vibrator?..:scratchhead:



> just sent this to her...
> 
> I've told you this before, but...I can hardly sleep without you being here..and when we are together, I can hardly sleep because I want to spend the entire night holding you, looking at you...
> 
> ...


:smthumbup: Aww.that is so sweet! My husband used to say stuff like that about me! Maybe he'll be like you and become a reformed drinker before I shrivel up into an old prune. Prolly not though. 

So I'll live vicariously!  I'm really glad things are working out for your and your wife. Keep up the good work!


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

I am so happy for you. You have quite a ways to go, but you have indeed come so far already. 
I am in the process of reconciliation too, but like you, I still expect the worse. I don't want to be caught off guard again. If anything happens, I'm stronger and mentally prepared.
I hope the best for you. You are definitely moving in a positive direction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

Such great news!!!! How long have you been separated?? Did you do the 180??? I am still hoping my husband will change his mind and give us and our marriage another chance....


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Thanks everyone for the well wishes...

Denise, we've been separated since October...and I did everything...begged, cried...the 180...wrote love letters, ignored er some more...begged/pleaded some more...

Two things have helped me the most, one getting sober and staying sober. The other, was when she was doing this yo-yo act, get close, push away...get close again and so on...finally I told her either it was going to be 100% effort on both of our parts or nthing...getting my hopes up and then dashed again was painful and not healthy...I wasn't sleeping, couldn't eat...missed more days of work than I have the past 10 years combined...so I walked away and we had very little contact for about a month...

Since then she has come back, spent the nights here a few times...has been looking for marriage classes for us...she starts IC this week and I hope MC will start soon...

I still rarely initiate contact with her, she always calls me and we usually call/chat at least once a day...it's all her right now...

Like I said, still a lot of wor k to do...there are days when I am on pins and needles and I tell her I just can't talk to her at that time...that I don't want to say anything wrong...I need to work on that, but I gets moody sometimes...


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