# Alright, that's it. I think I've had it.



## pokerjay (Feb 19, 2010)

I'm 30, living as common law partners, and we have a child under the age of 1yr. I'm the dad.

I understand daddy duties and I think that I'm doing a pretty good job at that. 

However, whenever I request some personal time, I get some really bad attitude mixed with resentment and jealousy. But the REAL problem here is that my spouse has NO initiative and is NEVER pro-active when dealing with this issue. I keep telling her that she too can go out, sign up for a course, go to the gym, DO SOMETHING outside the house really, but she doesn't even try. She claims she has no friends, which is not true. She just NEVER reaches out at establish first contacts. She waits for invitations and complains whenever I get some or when I organize activities. 

Keep in mind that I am very responsible. I don't drink, I don't cheat .. I'm pretty down to earth doing some pretty simple things .. playing music, camping, going for coffee, etc. So my personal FREEDOM demands are VERY reasonable. I try to keep things balanced, but since she has NO initiative in trying to improve her lifestyle, I'm stuck in a rut. 

Another problem is the fact that she has GREAT difficulty in letting our daughter to be babysat. Even my parents! This is near ridiculous. So after work, I go home and do the parent thing .. over and over .. so we can't have couple time outside the house because GOD FORBID we would let our daughter be babysat and I can't have personal time because she's pissed everytime I tell her that I've made REASONABLE plans ( i.e. going to a friends house AFTER the child has been put to bed and coming home around midnight-ish ). SHe gives me attitude if I mention going to the gym AFTER our daughter sleeps. I see most couples around me having their baby to be watched over by family or friends and going out a couple of hours for some ADULT TIME. It does not happen in my household.

As you can see, this upsets me very much because I feel that most people around me, most moms, have initiative in fixing problems, in finding solutions, in improving lifestyles .. NOT being victims of life and waiting for time to pass. 

So I'm considering separation because I cannot stand this anymore. I need a woman who knows what she wants, knows how to get it and who sees herself more than just a mother.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Just curious - but has she been checked for postpartum depression? The no motivation, the mood swings - it could be from that (it can go on for a while after the baby is born. Some mothers are just really really over protective. My sister wouldn't let her first born spend the night (or much babysitting happen) until her second one came along (a year and a half later). Its not her parents - it is different to her in some way. She may get pissed when you go out after the baby is asleep because this is the only alone time she gets with you. (Yes I know its a cycle she perpetuates by refusing to get a babysitter - I know it doesn't make sense but it seems to be how she may be thinking). I think maybe what would work best is to set aside 1 night a week that you can go and do your thing (and you schedule your events on that day) and have her pick one too - even if she doesn't go out, you handle all the stuff at home and let her take a bath or watch tv. Do the same for one weekend a month - you get to make plans to do what you want and the same for her.

She is fairly new to being a mother and she may still be adjusting. Was she like this about your personal time and hers before the baby?


----------



## lillylilac (Feb 17, 2010)

Maybe your partner is suffering for postnal depression. It is possible saying as your dd is under 1.
She probably doesnt' feel confident enough about herself and maybe her appearance from maybe weight gain etc.
She maybe tired and feeling lonely and tired.

It is hard to break from a rut, and she maybe doenst know what to do to make the situation better.

She probably feels that she isn't being a good mother if she leaves her daughter with in laws.. (incase the judge her etc...)

Maybe she just need to talk

Her life has totally changed now what she is a mum and she probably doesnt' know where she fits into everything now.

If you still love her you will work through it. Your child is still very young and it is a massive thing for a couple/person to go through. She maybe has underlying fears etc,

I hope you manage to work together to get through this.
wishing you all the best


----------

