# He likes hurting me



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

My ex husband likes hurting me and I don't know why, and I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment from him. I treated him very well throughout our marriage while he cheated on me every chance he got. He lied to me, and he lied about me. He continues to lie about me, he tries to purposefully start fights with me, like last week when he called the cops on me for not wanting to accept clothes from him. Then last night when he bought our daughter home from his weekend visit, he hands me some prescription medication he got for her because he took her to the doctor for having a cold. He next tried to accuse me of being neglectful because I never took her to the doctor myself. Well, she was NOT sick when she left my care to go into his. She went to his house on Friday and came home on Monday. I bet she came down with whatever I had too, for I was also sick over the weekend. I was fine on Friday but by Saturday, BAM! It all hit me like a ton of bricks. And we both had the exact same symptoms-coughing, sneezing, fever, aches and chills. She fell ill on Saturday as well. On Friday, she was fine when she went into his care. It was Saturday when she began to feel sick. Also, she attends public school, if she was sick Friday they would have sent her home and also Friday after school, before her dad picked her up, we were at relative's house and she was running around playing with her cousins. I have two adult witnesses who saw she was in no way sick on Friday.

What really pissed me off was the fact that he did not call me to let me know my daughter needed medical attention. It was only when he bought her home did he tell me about any of this. I told him that with the divorce, he has the legal obligation to tell me what is wrong with my daughter when she needs to see a doctor and to NOT wait until after the fact. Just the same as I would have to inform him if any of the children needed medical attention. He sits there and tells me that he doesn't care what I think. He likes to take anything that goes wrong, twist it all around and make it my fault. He has done this for years, and before I used to take the blame, but I won't anymore.

I don't understand why he feels this *need* to keep on trying to hurt me. We're divorced now. I want nothing, nothing, nothing at all to do with him. I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to even smell him. I want him to just leave me alone. But any time I defy him by standing up for myself, or if I disagree with him about something, or if I don't give him his way about something, he comes after me. He says lies about me. He's been going around telling people that I'm unstable and coming unhinged (Ive had people we both know mutually call me up and tell me he is saying these things about me)

I've put serious consideration into reporting him for harassment but I'm not sure if this is all enough to be considered harassment. I do wish he would just leave me alone.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Apple he was like this your whole marriage, yes? honestly what makes you think he is going to stop being who he really is now? AZZHAT, always was, always will be an AZZHAT!!!

I ate so much horse**** from my ex wife, I can still taste it, she tried to push my buttons over the kids for years, I just smiled thru it and ate more ****, drove my current wife crazy....but finally as the kids grew up they saw thier mother for who she really is, and we have a great realtionship, they hardly have anything to do with her now.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Yes, he is an Asshat. The King of Assholidom. His Assholiness can do no wrong. Why on earth did I ever stay with him for fifteen effing years??? What the heck, Apple, were you thinking!!!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Apple, you can't argue with a sick mind and your ex-h has one of the sickest minds - next to Jellybeans ex-h - I had the misfortune of reading about.

Apple have you considered using a VAR so that when he shows up at your place, you can start recording his rants? A initial warning by you to him that all conversations are being recorded for future reference - recorded by the VAR - should be enough to either put his stupid a$$ in hot water or shut him up. Check your State's laws FIRST before you do this. Good luck on nailing his a$$holiness.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

*His Assholiness can do no wrong.* 


:lol::lol::lol::lol::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

morituri said:


> Good luck on nailing his a$$holiness.


Ewwww that does sounds really nasty.


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

I recommend the VAR and keeping a contemporaneous log of each interaction. To continue the metaphor, he is being an Ahole now, and passing gas at each opportunity; wait till he starts sh***ing. Also, do not engage. Let your D in the house, say thank you or nothing and close the door.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> Ewwww that does sounds really nasty.


ha ha ha  I wouldn't touch His Assholiness with a 40 foot pole. The King and all his royal douche canoes can shove it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

How about a cattle prod?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> How about a cattle prod?


Being a girl from the Farm, I have used a cattle prod on many an occasion. I now have a wonderful, fun vision in my head 

Thanks Mori, for that delightful thought.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

To bad you couldnt have had him castrated as part of the divorce....Being a farm girl I'm sure you wouldnt mind using the gum band technique on him???


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

strugglinghusband said:


> To bad you couldnt have had him castrated as part of the divorce....Being a farm girl I'm sure you wouldnt mind using the gum band technique on him???


I know how to do it. I've de-balled plenty a bull calf and a billy goat over the years. Maybe I can also brand him with a great big CHEATER label too?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

First, who cares that he took your daughter to the doctor? I think that is a good thing that he did. Now, if she had some life-threatening illness, then he should have called you. But telling you that she had a cold? I think you're just looking for things to get angry about.

Second, stop looking for things to get angry about. That's why he's picking on you. It gives him power over you. He knows that he can walk up to your door, drop your daughter off, make a snide comment, and ruin your day. Wow! What a power trip. Just imagine for a second if he made his snide comment and you just ignored it. He may repeat it to be sure you've heard his offensive remark. If you ignore it again, he would probably be the one who is upset because his power over you is gone.

If you are really sincere, that you want nothing to do with him, then stop seeking his approval. Why does it matter if he thinks you're a good mother, or he agrees with you handling of certain matters? It shouldn't.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> My ex husband likes hurting me and I don't know why, and I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment from him. I treated him very well throughout our marriage while he cheated on me every chance he got. He lied to me, and he lied about me. He continues to lie about me, he tries to purposefully start fights with me, like last week when he called the cops on me for not wanting to accept clothes from him. Then last night when he bought our daughter home from his weekend visit, he hands me some prescription medication he got for her because he took her to the doctor for having a cold. He next tried to accuse me of being neglectful because I never took her to the doctor myself. Well, she was NOT sick when she left my care to go into his. She went to his house on Friday and came home on Monday. I bet she came down with whatever I had too, for I was also sick over the weekend. I was fine on Friday but by Saturday, BAM! It all hit me like a ton of bricks. And we both had the exact same symptoms-coughing, sneezing, fever, aches and chills. She fell ill on Saturday as well. On Friday, she was fine when she went into his care. It was Saturday when she began to feel sick. Also, she attends public school, if she was sick Friday they would have sent her home and also Friday after school, before her dad picked her up, we were at relative's house and she was running around playing with her cousins. I have two adult witnesses who saw she was in no way sick on Friday.
> 
> What really pissed me off was the fact that he did not call me to let me know my daughter needed medical attention. It was only when he bought her home did he tell me about any of this. I told him that with the divorce, he has the legal obligation to tell me what is wrong with my daughter when she needs to see a doctor and to NOT wait until after the fact. Just the same as I would have to inform him if any of the children needed medical attention. He sits there and tells me that he doesn't care what I think. He likes to take anything that goes wrong, twist it all around and make it my fault. He has done this for years, and before I used to take the blame, but I won't anymore.
> 
> ...


he does this because he likes pushing your buttons and seeing the reaction. you get bent out of shape, he's happy.

if you want it to end, stop reacting. otherwise, he'll just keep enjoying himself pushing you and watching you get your panties in a knot.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He's doing Defamation of Character thru Slander. Both civil matters, unfortunately. You could try suing him, however, any lawyer would tell you it's not worth it unless he has financial assets that you could go after. You would spend more on attorneys fees than what you could get from him.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

hi Apple.
He likes hurting you precisely because you want nothing from him.
In his mind the world centres around him. He can only see hurt from his point of view.
Daughter is delivered and becomes sick. he must then take her to the Doctor and this makes him mad because in his mind you delivered her sick to him! how inconsiderate of you!

He didn't tell you because telling you had no value to him.

The only way to deal with narcs is to let them think they have won.

" Oh I am so sorry she was sick for your visit"
You take the blame and validate that he is the centre of this story.

" Thank you so much for handling the medical side of things. I wish you had told me then I could have maybe helped you. it must have been hard"

Thanks for being good Father.
If you had told me I could have made it easier for you.
Validation that he has done a really good thing.

The language you use is really important with them. Remember he only sees the world through HIS EYES and has no empathy for anyone else.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

ing said:


> hi Apple.
> He likes hurting you precisely because you want nothing from him.
> In his mind the world centres around him. He can only see hurt from his point of view.
> Daughter is delivered and becomes sick. he must then take her to the Doctor and this makes him mad because in his mind you delivered her sick to him! how inconsiderate of you!
> ...


Ing, I know he is very narcissistic, but why would I *appease* him?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> First, who cares that he took your daughter to the doctor? I think that is a good thing that he did. Now, if she had some life-threatening illness, then he should have called you. But telling you that she had a cold? I think you're just looking for things to get angry about.
> 
> Second, stop looking for things to get angry about. That's why he's picking on you. It gives him power over you. He knows that he can walk up to your door, drop your daughter off, make a snide comment, and ruin your day. Wow! What a power trip. Just imagine for a second if he made his snide comment and you just ignored it. He may repeat it to be sure you've heard his offensive remark. If you ignore it again, he would probably be the one who is upset because his power over you is gone.
> 
> If you are really sincere, that you want nothing to do with him, then stop seeking his approval. Why does it matter if he thinks you're a good mother, or he agrees with you handling of certain matters? It shouldn't.


:iagree:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Ing, I know he is very narcissistic, but why would I *appease* him?


If you take the high ground and say the kinds of things suggested in that post, it's not appeasing him. It's your rufusing to stoop to his level.

As it is right now, every time he sees you he throws a jab a you and you take the bait. This nonsense will not stop until you stop it. I say you because you are the one here complaining and saying that you do not want this kind of nonsense. So just say something like "Thanks" and ignore his jabs a you. He's an asshat.. you said so... do not engage asshats or give any credit to anything he says. Pretend you did not even hear his nonsense.

Let him rattle and then with a huge smile say something like "Good to hear you had a good visit with dear daughter." Then close the door in his face.

Take a Miss Manner's attitude.. Always gracious with a smile. even when you cleverly put a person down or ignore them.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Apple just deal with him like those cute sarcastic 1950's ads that has a smart remark on them. You know like the ones where the wife or the mother is posing and there is bubble and it says. Something like, " I'm going to keep smiling because I'm a free woman now and I don't have to wash your stinky sh!t anymore! Isn't life grand?!


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> If you take the high ground and say the kinds of things suggested in that post, it's not appeasing him. It's your rufusing to stoop to his level.


I don't even think she needs to rise to the level of being nice to him. I think ignoring him completely is an option. Run the 180.

It's been said before that the opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy. The ex can't get love, so he'll take hate. But apathy would really get to him. The belief that Apple has moved on to the point that he can't even get a rise out of her would be really upsetting to her ex. And it would probably stop his bad behavior.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

It is not really about being nice or appeasing him.

By not engaging with him or ignoring him, which is a kind of admission it hurts, he can no longer get off on your pain.

He thrives on the drama triangle and you refusing to play any of the roles will leave him powerless. Believe me Apple. It works.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why do you buy in? Tell him it's his problem to deal with when she's with him because that's parents f^cking do. Grab your kid and leave. Tell him to talk to the hand pall bang his head on a wall.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

I'm sorry your ex-H is treating you badly. It sounds like he feels better about himself by pushing you around. You sound like you want him to be more logical and less narcissistic, but I don't think he's going to do that as long as he continues to get a reaction when he pushes your buttons.

I don't think you should cater to his drama and accusations, but the more you react or try to defend yourself, the more he will go on the offense and try to attack you more just to justify to himself that he is strong because you are weak enough to be bothered by what he says.

I do think that "appeasing him" by modifying your language when you're forced to interact with him, while internally closing yourself off from him, would serve you well. He's not winning, really. You're keeping him from making more trouble for you, this way. Just don't make the mistake of inviting him further into your life again and he will eventually realize that he can't push your buttons to feel validated and he will stop doing it. He's being a typical bully. 

I hope things get better for you.


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