# Men not getting theirs?



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Sometimes when we have sex my husband doesn't climax and he seems okay with it, he just says I got mine and that makes him happy... is this normal or an underlying issue? 

I know it's been more frequent since we've been having to use condoms, so I don't know if it's just that it doesn't feel as good, or it takes him longer to get off?

I'd love to hear some guys input on this!


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I'd love to hear the guys' input as well!

I can tell you that my husband likes sex (and gets hard) way more often than he can climax, so we frequently have sex that does not lead to an orgasm for him -- took me a while to understand it, but he loves it. He loves frequent sex, and if he doesn't mind not coming, then...uh, ok? (I do prefer it when he comes, though -- feels like I got an A+  )


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Well when not preggy... I never stop until my man gets his.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

One thing that works for me is using the butterfly technique. (Of course I take it as a challenge if hubby doesn't cum so i tend to make him. )


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

my motto: don't stop til you get enough...


----------



## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Occasionally I have times when I don't get off. I could keep pounding away until I do eventually orgasm and make my wife sore as Hell or wait until tomorrow.
It's no fun when she is so sore that she can't pee, so I always try again tomorrow.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

when I don't orgasm most times it because I'm pi$$ed off and resentfull at her.

another reason is that I took care of things earlier that day. I'm 45 not 25 so that coupled with resentment can make it difficult to complete the task.


----------



## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I have never had the issue yet but since we have sex 2-3 times a month releasing too often isn't an issue. 

That being said, condoms do make a HUGE difference for me personally. Without one, I don't last as long as I would like. With one I can last much longer so it definitely desensitizes it.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Riven said:


> Sometimes when we have sex my husband doesn't climax and he seems okay with it, he just says I got mine and that makes him happy... is this normal or an underlying issue?
> 
> I know it's been more frequent since we've been having to use condoms, so I don't know if it's just that it doesn't feel as good, or it takes him longer to get off?
> 
> I'd love to hear some guys input on this!


The older I get the easier it gets to stop without getting off.
Not really a big deal but not something I do often.

However, your problem is undoubtedly the condoms.

I haven`t used a condom since I was a teen and there was no way I was going to reach orgasm with one on then so I know it ain`t happening now.

Your husband might have the same trouble.

Condoms suck.


----------



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Riven said:


> Sometimes when we have sex my husband doesn't climax and he seems okay with it, he just says I got mine and that makes him happy... is this normal or an underlying issue?
> 
> I know it's been more frequent since we've been having to use condoms, so I don't know if it's just that it doesn't feel as good, or it takes him longer to get off?
> 
> I'd love to hear some guys input on this!


I don't think it's "normal", but I don't think it's as unusual as society makes it out to be.

I've walked away from sex w/o climax too many times to count.
It's not ideal, and frankly it bothers a part of me every time sex ends w/o me climaxing.

I've found in general though, that if I don't get off after a certain amount of time... I can last for hours (quite literally) and never climax (but remain completely erect and enjoying it).

It just gets ridiculous because my wife is no longer into it, and frankly I don't want to bore her... not to mention the fact that she's more than done and is loosing interest is a major turn off.

As for sensation causing part of the problem, yes it can for me. I've not used condoms since college, but I can assure you it definitely diminished sensitivity a TON. To the point where it became incredibly difficult for me to climax with a condom on (I think I've only managed to a handful of times... max). I know I'm irregular in this regard (else no one would use condoms), but I think it's just that orgasms don't come easily for me (compared to most guys I hear about)... never have.

I'll also say that after my wife climaxes 1-3 times her vagina seems to just relax and what friction I was getting before plummets to nothing. It's like having intercourse with a balloon filled with air... there's some feeling near the opening, but the rest is basically not there at all. While I enjoy just the act of sex enough to want to continue sometimes, other times I just pull out.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I can't imagine doing this. Perhaps if I felt that my wife wasn't that into me or if she seemed to be performing duty/chore sex then I would try to get her off and then just stop. But assuming my wife is into it and seems to really want it, then I would always make sure to get mine. BTW, I'm 41 so maybe if a guy is a bit older it makes a difference.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Weeeellll I wouldn't say condoms suck.... They do have the Fire and ice condoms.... and the his/her sensation ones... soooo if your gonna use a condom.. why not one that does a lil something? Just a suggestion... Also.. the ky his/her or ky intense is pretty interesting to use too....


----------



## happymrs (May 1, 2012)

This is something I'm working on. It just doesn't seem like we should be done unless we've both reached climax. 

What my husband has explained to me it that he's reaching orgasm, but not ejaculating. Although I know there have been many times he hasn't even reached the o, and tells me he just wanted to make me feel great and satisfy me. I feel bad about it just about every time, but then he pulls me close and tells me he loves me. 

I have to accept what he's telling me even though it doesn't seem to compute in my mind.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Weeeellll I wouldn't say condoms suck....


That`s because ya never had to wear one.


----------



## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

It happens frequently throughout the years of a man's life. Basically the normal thing. If he is okay, then be okay with it, too! When frustration on the man's part enters the picture, then there may be a need for further investigation, i.e. medicines, etc. Delayed orgasm or no orgasm is an issue most deal with at some point. It is the norm. As someone said, "This can lead to more frequent sex!" Enjoy! Smiles!!!


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

tacoma said:


> That`s because ya never had to wear one.


lol hubby never complained when he wore one..


----------



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

"I'll also say that after my wife climaxes 1-3 times her vagina seems to just relax and what friction I was getting before plummets to nothing." 

I don't know... maybe it's the difference in orgasms, but mine gets tighter during and after...

"Also.. the ky his/her or ky intense is pretty interesting to use too.... "

I was thinking about trying this, but it's expensive so was thinking about posting a thing asking for input! What does it do? I know they have the "warming" kind and I just don't like that at all.

He's gone over 3 years without using condoms since he got his snip, but due to his ONS he has to use them until we get a clear on everything. I've gotten two different variety packs to try to find something that works for him.

This morning I woke up to him spooning me with morning wood, so we took advantage of it, I got on cowboy style, got mine, and when I was done he just said well, I am going to get ready for work. He did go shower and it's possible he finished himself, and there have been times with the condoms that I got mine then he took the condom off and masturbated with my help to get off... so I'm guessing it's probably the condom issue a lot. But I know it has happened in the past, and it does make me feel like oh, he didn't enjoy it, or oh I'm not good enough for him to get off.


----------



## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Weeeellll I wouldn't say condoms suck.... They do have the Fire and ice condoms.... and the his/her sensation ones... soooo if your gonna use a condom.. why not one that does a lil something? Just a suggestion... Also.. the ky his/her or ky intense is pretty interesting to use too....


The only way we use them is if it is fire and ice. Put it on insert for a short period of time. Take it off! Makes things interesting to say the least. I hate condoms and so does he.


----------



## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

I love being sore makes us both fell like we did it right the first time and that is only after hours or multiple long sessions and is only a hinderence til the next day. I would be hurt if my H did not finish as well as he would if I did not finish.


----------



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Marvel, is the fire and ice like a warming sensation or could you tell me about how it feels? Thanks!


----------



## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

Riven said:


> Marvel, is the fire and ice like a warming sensation or could you tell me about how it feels? Thanks!


It is way more than a warming sensation! The more friction the warmer it get for the both of you. The slower the friction it cools. It is utterly mind blowing. Our climaxes are even greater when we use them for that short period of time. I personally dont like gel or lube based things because I dont need help with the lubrication process. TMI sorry. The condoms dont add anything other than the warming and cooling after you take it off. Heads up dont clean up with your mouth either one of you. It is tramatic. Really inexpensive too. :smthumbup:


----------



## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

you dont have to leave them on the whole time to recieve the effect either!


----------



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Well we do for another 4 1/2 months... LOL I might have to pick some up and try them. Sometimes I need lube, sometimes I don't. Depends on how long I was worked up, time of the month, and what exactly we're doing.  This is where I throw out my signature line... I'm a nurse there is no such thing as TMI... LOL My husband HATES that part during MC... he has no desire to talk to our MC about sex especially if I go into more details despite the fact I tell him, and she's agreed she's heard a LOT worse than what I'm saying!


----------



## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

happymrs said:


> This is something I'm working on. It just doesn't seem like we should be done unless we've both reached climax.
> 
> What my husband has explained to me it that he's reaching orgasm, but not ejaculating. Although I know there have been many times he hasn't even reached the o, and tells me he just wanted to make me feel great and satisfy me. I feel bad about it just about every time, but then he pulls me close and tells me he loves me.
> 
> I have to accept what he's telling me even though it doesn't seem to compute in my mind.


Listen to your husband.
Making love is not always about the fireworks at the end. It's also about the bond, the closeness and the absolute love that two people have for each other.
While I love an orgasm(never had a bad one in my life), it is just as important to me to see my wife completely let go and enjoy herself.


----------



## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

:lol:


Riven said:


> Well we do for another 4 1/2 months... LOL I might have to pick some up and try them. Sometimes I need lube, sometimes I don't. Depends on how long I was worked up, time of the month, and what exactly we're doing.  This is where I throw out my signature line... I'm a nurse there is no such thing as TMI... LOL My husband HATES that part during MC... he has no desire to talk to our MC about sex especially if I go into more details despite the fact I tell him, and she's agreed she's heard a LOT worse than what I'm saying!


:lol:

Well if you need a little help the condoms def. make it easier to enter but def not like he is in a swimming pool or anything. If you have to leave it on i def recommend them. They are the only supplement we buy since we found out about them!!!!


----------



## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

*Dean* said:


> Riven your being cruel if your getting some and having a big O
> but still want to talk about Sex to the MC.
> 
> Men hate hate hate hate that.
> We don't even tell our best friend the details.


Not all of us. I had no problem going in to details about sex when we were in MC


----------



## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> Riven your being cruel if your getting some and having a big O
> but still want to talk about Sex to the MC.
> 
> Men hate hate hate hate that.
> We don't even tell our best friend the details.


What if she is just being open and honest about how it makes her feel that he doesnt finish all the time. I think that is more than welcome in the open honest discussion in MC it lets him know how she feels as well as gets an outsiders opinon! On TAM she only gets others advice not telling her husband how it hurts?!?!?! JMO


----------



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

We are not in MC for sex issues, I have not brought this issue up with the MC, what I have brought up with the MC is how sometimes I want to have sex and he turns me down, and how THAT bothers me and makes me feel rejected. I have sketched out some times that it happened so she can understand what may be causing it so we can work on it. I don't go in there and say you know what MC, he doesn't like it when I flick my tongue like this, and I like to flick my tongue like that... Usually anything I bring up in MC is something that we can't work out between us. Our MC is not the dictator of our lives, she is the teacher who is helping to teach us how to live it better, how to hear each other, how to communicate. Sometimes she gives us tools to make things better, sometimes we don't like using the tools, so we revamp them or let her know they're not working. 

I was thinking the same thing Marvel said before she said it, what's the difference between talking to the MC about it or talking about it here? Because he's not sitting right next to me? Well in his eyes it's probably because I'm not paying $100/hr here! LOL


----------



## bitter99 (Apr 25, 2012)

DanF said:


> Listen to your husband.
> Making love is not always about the fireworks at the end. It's also about the bond, the closeness and the absolute love that two people have for each other.
> While I love an orgasm(never had a bad one in my life), it is just as important to me to see my wife completely let go and enjoy herself.


I really like the way you said the first part. That is what it _should_ be about.

But from the (never had a bad one in my life) I know your a guy. And you should count yourself lucky.


----------



## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

I always considered myself a strong male but I'm not sure
I could handle talking about the details of my sex life with
a stranger if I didn't feel like I did something wrong.

If I had a porn problem or lack of a sex drive, then in my
mind and heart, I would know that I needed to fix it and get
some help. 

I'm just questioning is this something that raises to that level.
To me it doesn't.[/QUOTE]

So if you were in MC for other things and your wife wanted sex more but didnt know how you would react at home so she tells the MC that she would enjoy more "alone time" with you. But in her words you would be offended that your wife stated that she pretty much enjoys sex with you and wants more of it? Just because she said it in front a "stranger" aka MC that knows a lot more intimate details of your marriage than just sex?
:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


----------



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

LOL, yea but we this wasn't brought up with our MC at all, lol. 

I just asked on here for opinions.  I've learned on here a lot of other things are normal for a lot of guys, and it's helped to give me reassurance that there isn't other things at play. I did bring up that sometimes I really feel rejected when I'm denied at MC. And my SO is a recovering alcoholic and moderate porn addiction, which is why we're in MC. So sex and porn gets brought up fairly often, the MC has been great at helping him understand my concerns with his porn. And why I can't understand why he can get off watching porn at least once a day, sometimes twice, but not want to have sex with me that often... 

Anyway, now we're way off subject, lol.


----------



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

No problem Dean, I love to read your posts always helpful and insightful. Sometimes there is so much info packed into one thread it's hard to keep up!


----------



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Riven said:


> "I'll also say that after my wife climaxes 1-3 times her vagina seems to just relax and what friction I was getting before plummets to nothing."
> 
> I don't know... maybe it's the difference in orgasms, but mine gets tighter during and after...


It's tighter for a short while during and after... but then the balloon effect kicks in. It's like her whole body just relaxes... great for her not so much for me. You have to bear in mind often times I've got another 5-20 minutes to go until climax after she's long since done (longer than that and I just call it quits and walk away).


----------



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Hmmm browncaot, what takes so long for your to climax? Does she climax right away? Yea, if I was "done for the day" it would probably suck getting another 20 minutes of pounding. I understand that if it's the balloon feeling... it would be harder to get off. Have you guys tried any tightening cream or having her do kegels to help out?


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm sure there's a good solution out there, but I am going to strongly recommend that you not tell your wife she's loose and needs to do kagels.


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Riven said:


> Sometimes when we have sex my husband doesn't climax and he seems okay with it, he just says I got mine and that makes him happy... is this normal or an underlying issue?
> 
> I know it's been more frequent since we've been having to use condoms, so I don't know if it's just that it doesn't feel as good, or it takes him longer to get off?
> 
> I'd love to hear some guys input on this!


At least to me, when you mention that sex is more frequent, its easier to understand why this might heighten other aspects of lovemaking for him. Something tells me that it is not very common, but my wife and I have always had a pretty strong sex life, but apparenly different than some, and we worked to understand certain tantric elements in the early days. But a guy doesn't have to study it to appreciate it.

Especially in the first decade of our marriage, my wife and I had frequent long weekends that we called our "weekends in bed". Three to four days, and we rarely left the bed. Our vacations were like this. Its very private, but there is a whole universe of sensual elements that I enjoy about her response to arousal, and who she is as a person. A man learns to control the level of orgasm, thinking of the sexual encounter in terms of a continuation that may last days, as opposed to one time under the covers. Other times, when life is more stressed, the relationship has problems, or even if sex is less frequent, the same man can respond differently.

Frankly, its not something I ever really talk about, but it would surprise me if there weren't other men out there who are like this. There are just some times when the frequency is great, and other desires come into play. Sometimes, it says a lot more about the woman in a very complimentary way, if she lets herself see it this way. There is likely, though, something about you that allows him to have different needs at times. Just my opinion.


----------



## akaboston (May 9, 2012)

here's the thing. to me a womens orgasm seems so much more intense than a mans. tell me, do woman in general always get off, my understanding is the answer is no. it is also harder to achieve and sometimes takes so long that i am not in the intense orgasm phase anymore. but i love her orgasms so much that i am satisfied no matter what happens. i am probably not explaining myself to well, but i think you'll get my drift


----------



## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Riven, it has happened to me plenty of times in the past and for different reasons. There's absolutely no reason to get offended by it, although I understand your feeling b/c my wife used to feel the same way when it would happen.

Sometimes I took care of myself earlier that day not anticipating we would be having sex that night and I couldn't get off again... Sometimes she would ride me so intense that my love shaft would get sore... Sometimes she wasn't contracting her inner muscles enough to give me the friction I need to stimulate me enough to orgasm... Sometimes I need to change position and ruin the flow and then get into my own head and can't finish. Oh, and back during the short period of time when we TRIED using condoms after our 1st baby, I could NEVER orgasm. Condoms seriously are the worst for men's sensitivity, especially after you've been so used to getting it w/o condoms for so long.

But the bigger point you should take away here is that an orgasm is NOT necessarily a goal for intimacy... it's the entire experience that matters most. Every time I've had sex with my wife and was not able to orgasm I have NEVER been disappointed, because it's the entire experience of intimacy that's fulfilling to the heart. That's really what I need (and most men need)... it's the closeness of bonding with their lover. And just seeing my wife get off is sometimes all I need too... just seeing her enjoy herself is a wonderful feeling for me.

Orgasm is a huge plus, but it shouldn't be harped on to the point where it become the measurement for happiness in intimacy. Your man is being genuine in telling you he doesn't always need to orgasm, because I am that man too. And my wife also doesn't always orgasm and yet she tells me the same thing and she still loves seeing me get off. 

It works both ways really for both genders, it's just hard sometimes not to be your own worst critic. Get out of your head and trust what your man is telling you... and just enjoy your experiences together because that's what's special.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Agree with bottled up's post 100%. And would add that if I'm disappointed it would be in myself because if I don't orgasm it's certainly because I already did earlier in the day by myself.


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Condoms never made a single bit of difference for me. I'm just overly sensitive down there so any friction at all and the 5 minute countdown starts. That's why I always had to get her off first with oral because she knew once it went in that 2-5 min later it would be over.... I think a lot of it might be mental for me though. Just get too excited in my brain... you guys that go for 20-30 min of pounding I just can't conceive of....lol


----------



## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

I don't get off about 75% when I'm having sex.

No biggie. It's cool when I do, but I still love doing it when I don't get off.


----------



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

one_strange_otter said:


> Just get too excited in my brain... you guys that go for 20-30 min of pounding I just can't conceive of....lol


Really should it surprise anyone that statistically some people are going to land on one extreme or other on how long it takes to reach climax?

I'd imagine if we had perfect knowledge of how long most men honestly take to climax it would be something like a bell curve. 

Heck I'd love it if I was closer to "normal", my wife would too. Somethings are just what they are (though there are somethings that help me get closer to the ball park of "normal").


----------



## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

bitter99 said:


> I really like the way you said the first part. That is what it _should_ be about.
> 
> But from the (never had a bad one in my life) I know your a guy. And you should count yourself lucky.


Yeah, I am a guy. I am lucky.

You've had a bad orgasm??????? I can't imagine that...


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I can count on less than one hand how many times I've had sex and not gotten off. And none of them involved an ability to not be able to, just things coming up that interrupted. 

However my wife's best friend dated a man for awhile, and they both had trouble getting off. Both enjoyed sex, and had it regularly, but she was notorious for not having an orgasm, and so was he. 

My best friend also doesn't always get off, especially if it's a random sexual encounter. But when he's in a committed relationship with a woman he's hot for, he almost always does.



Browncoat said:


> It's tighter for a short while during and after... but then the balloon effect kicks in. It's like her whole body just relaxes... great for her not so much for me. You have to bear in mind often times I've got another 5-20 minutes to go until climax after she's long since done (longer than that and I just call it quits and walk away).


Yes, we have to watch it with my wife's orgasms. No matter how she gets off, if she gets off too many times, she just floats away. She's pretty useless for sex if she's become too overwhelmed with cumming, so I have to watch it (which I sometimes purposefully don't).


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> Sometimes when we have sex my husband doesn't climax and he seems okay with it, he just says I got mine and that makes him happy... is this normal or an underlying issue?
> 
> I know it's been more frequent since we've been having to use condoms, so I don't know if it's just that it doesn't feel as good, or it takes him longer to get off?





> I can tell you that my husband likes sex (and gets hard) way more often than he can climax, so we frequently have sex that does not lead to an orgasm for him -- took me a while to understand it, but he loves it. He loves frequent sex, and if he doesn't mind not coming, then...uh, ok? (I do prefer it when he comes, though -- feels like I got an A+ )


Ladies, count your lucky stars. You have husbands that want to give you this when they know there is nothing in it for them other than pleasing you. If there were a problem with you, I can guarantee you this would not be the case.

I think it's normal in a GREAT relationship, and not likely any underlying issue other than getting older, needing more stimulation, not able to "recover" as fast, etc. 

Don't make more of this than what it is. I can tell you that some of the most satisfying sex I've had with my W was when I knew I wouldn't "get mine" because our frequency was up, or I had masturbated maybe a little too much after one of our hot lovemaking sessions, but I "went at her" and made love knowing full well up front that I could not likely finish. She'd get hers, and I'd get off and go about my business. She'd be like "what, you didn't finish, why are you stopping?" My answer: Because it was not about me, it was about her, and I love pleasing her.

She stopped questioning herself long ago about such things and is just thankful for the consideration and courtesy, and so turned on by the fact I just love to please her. And getting that from her is a HUGE reward. I love to please her and watch her orgasm. That's all the "payback" I need. Not frustrated, not upset that I didn't get mine....just happy she got hers and that it happened with me.


----------



## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

I also find condoms really desensitizes it for me too. Other factors also play into it for me - especially drinking, also general tiredness too...at the end of a long busy day I can still get really turned on but sometimes no matter how much banging away, it just doesn't happen - but I'm fine with that, as other have mentioned so long as my partner gets off I'm happy!

Have to admit, I'm a bit of an "Early morning riser" as well  - Never ever have any trouble first thing, lol!


----------



## akaboston (May 9, 2012)

Bravo!! Morning is easy. That's why we are so giving at night. One, not much of choice, two it is almost as intense as your own manhood to see your soulmate into it. Here's to all the quickies (some people call it the mercy f---. But i'll take it. Funny, sales at work always seem more productive on those early risers(no pun intended


----------



## nader (May 4, 2011)

this is a reoccurring issue for me that sort of comes and goes. (hehe pun!) I hate not getting to finish; sometimes it's because the baby interrupts us; other times she just gets tired and I try and try and just can't. Recently it hasn't been much of a problem.

What's helped me the most is: 

1.getting back on a multivitamin regimen and adding a zinc supplement.
2. cutting way back on the self pleasuring in between sexings.
3. this almost *never* happens when my wife is really into it. when she's not, I have to work harder to stay turned on, and it sucks.


----------



## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

nader said:


> this is a reoccurring issue for me that sort of comes and goes. (hehe pun!) I hate not getting to finish; sometimes it's because the baby interrupts us; other times she just gets tired and I try and try and just can't. Recently it hasn't been much of a problem.
> 
> What's helped me the most is:
> 
> ...


I'm enduring your #2 and #3 right now... My wife and I are currently between home sale and purchase so we're temporarily living w/ my parents. It has completely zapped her ability to get into the mood but she still makes herself available to me... but honestly, that sux. As much as I appreciate her trying to meet my needs, it's just not the same when she can't get into it. It's gotten so bad that the last few times I can't even orgasm anymore because it feels so shallow / hollow.

I'm really struggling with it... I feel empty and she knows it and it hurts her to know I'm hurting and she can't really change. We're both depressed lately now.


----------



## nader (May 4, 2011)

so sorry to hear that dude.. unfortunately #3 is probably the most important factor and the toughest to control.


----------

