# Finally!!!!



## minnesota59 (Apr 3, 2015)

Divorce was final on the 7th,received the papers on the 9th…thank goodness it's done.:toast: now he is HER problem..after him being arrested AGAIN for DUI in August,(he continues to be an arrogant SOB..even after losing auto insurance coverage for himself and directly affecting his daughter and myself...hmm)
Anyway, my question(s) about POST divorce are this:
1: should I hire a financial advisor since I am to receive 1/2 of his retirement accounts and Social Security? and to figure out how to be savvy about this?
2: he stopped by the house to up our daughter(22 years old), and saw I had a "friends" things in the bathroom. He told my daughter that I am not to have people over(he is currently paying mortgage on the house I live in), My "friend" doesn't LIVE here, but stays a couple of days with me..he has his own place with his son..
3.I'm asking for ANY POST divorce advice from those that have walked this road before me…try to be kind as my head and emotions are RAW….:crying:


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Whether you have "friends" over is none of his fvcking business so ignore that. You're an adult and your daughter is grown. If it comes up again inform him that it's none of his business. 

Is it in the decree that he pays the mortgage?

My advice to you is set some boundaries with this scumbag, like who you have over is none of his business. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My financial advisor is basically free, so yes, I highly recommend that.

Your ex has no say over who you have overnight in your home.


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

If your divorce is final the guy has no business being the house to see whatever a friend left in the bathroom in the first place, much less over anything else. If it is in the decree that he pays the mortgage, tell him to go pound sand!


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Boundaries are divinely delicious after a divorce. Your home, not his, and thus his opinions are worth pond scum. He pays a bill, and that is it. His edicts about what you can and cannot do IN YOUR HOME are just a bunch of hot air.

So try to find another solution to him picking up your adult daughter other than at your home. And your daughter should be informed that she is not his messenger, if he wants send you a communication he should send it directly to your attorney and not through your daughter.


----------



## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Tell your ex to go fvck a duck.

What was he even doing in your bathroom to start with?!?

He doesn't enter the house. It's not his house. It's YOUR house; he has NO say who lives there with you. You can be living with a stripper or all the Oompa Loompas in the Willy Wonka factory and he has NOTHING to say about it. Nada. NO say. 

And yes, hopefully it can be worked out that he can pick up your daughter someplace else.

Good luck


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Make sure he's not ever in your home. He obviously doesn't belong there after the divorce. It's yours (whether he's paying the mortgage or not). He may continue to dcross-examine your daughter about your life -- now that he knows you are seeing someone -- and she needs to tell him she's not comfortable with that topic. 

Exes can be very territorial after divorce. Block that tendency in him now and save yourself years of annoyance.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Your X wants to control because he pays...not when you're divorced; it's gonna be hard for him to break this nasty habit. Your lawyer should of placed a restraining order against him. Verbal abuse like him stating what he said would have been motive enough to get the order. You can still get that in place. My X could not even enter the driveway. He had to pick up the kids from behind my mailbox! He was never allowed to my front door, much less inside. 

Boundaries, boundaries boundaries!


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

minnesota59 said:


> Divorce was final on the 7th,received the papers on the 9th…thank goodness it's done.:toast: now he is HER problem..after him being arrested AGAIN for DUI in August,(he continues to be an arrogant SOB..even after losing auto insurance coverage for himself and directly affecting his daughter and myself...hmm)
> Anyway, my question(s) about POST divorce are this:
> 1: should I hire a financial advisor since I am to receive 1/2 of his retirement accounts and Social Security? and to figure out how to be savvy about this?
> 2: he stopped by the house to up our daughter(22 years old), and saw I had a "friends" things in the bathroom. He told my daughter that I am not to have people over(he is currently paying mortgage on the house I live in), My "friend" doesn't LIVE here, but stays a couple of days with me..he has his own place with his son..
> 3.I'm asking for ANY POST divorce advice from those that have walked this road before me…try to be kind as my head and emotions are RAW….:crying:


First of all, congrats! To answer your questions:

1. Absolutely on this one if you aren't financially savvy. One big thing to beware of is the method for how his retirement is being transferred to you. There are specific forms that need to be filled out for retirement transfers or it could count as an early withdrawal which means you'll have to pay a 10% tax penalty on it. 


2. When my XWW says things like this I choose to not argue with her because there's no point arguing with someone whose opinions don't matter. I just say I'm not discussing these things with you, but thank you for your opinion. I also have to periodically remind her that it's my house now not our house, and I make the decisions. It will probably take awhile for it to sink in for both of you. 

3. One thing I did that I thought was helpful was going through the house and cleaning/reorganizing it so it no longer looked or felt like the place that we had together. It also sends a non-verbal message to your ex-spouse that it is no longer their place. Another thing I did is I now only engage in conversation with my XWW about the kids. If she talks about anything else I just don't engage in conversation with her. I might give one word answers or pretend to be distracted by something else and ask her to repeat her questions because I wasn't paying attention. That has actually worked really well for me and has helped to establish boundaries about what I am willing to interact with her about.


----------

