# Who is a recovered groupie ?? Why ??



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Another thread prompted me to ask this question.

This thread related low self-esteem to groupieism. I'm interested to know if this is a shared perspective, especially from those who may be recovered from groupieism.

Thanks for any replies related to the question. I'm not looking for advice to divorce my wife, or to "man up" (whatever the hell that means). I'm looking for understanding and knowledge.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I don't know what thread you are referring to. What is groupieism? Like following a band around?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

This is the link to the thread and post which describes groupieism:

HERE

It encompasses more than "following". Many people like music and go to their favorite bands appointments. But a groupie seeks attention and companionship of band members, and others in public exposure. In this thread, the term is applied to athletes of some renown.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Sorry but I have no idea what the question is. Are you asking for comments on some other thread? You're asking if something is a shared perspective but I'm not sure what. Do I need to read a whole other thread?

Or are you just asking if we think that groupies have low self esteem? Some probably do and some don't. I think we need to know more if we are going to give opinions about whether someone or some group of people have low or high self esteem.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

JustTheWife said:


> Do I need to read a whole other thread?


No, the link I gave is to a specific post which labels the OP's wife's behavior as "groupie", the introductory post of the thread from the OP states the behavior and conditions.



JustTheWife said:


> Or are you just asking if we think that groupies have low self esteem? Some probably do and some don't.


Yes, I'd agree that self-esteem is not a singular "go-to" basis for groupies, even though the post I referred to describes this as causal. @Araucaria, he author of this post goes further (see below), and this statement found revealing resonance in me:



Arucaria said:


> She will remember her 2 hours of being used as more precious than being loved by her husband.


I wonder more what is the reward of a groupie. The "why" .... what is the underlying set of motivations..... why did this wife of the other thread choose to commit adultery
with an athlete? What makes the athlete "special" and "irresistible" so that she felt greater temptation than with other rank-and-file men? Or, does it ameliorate the feelings
associated with low-self esteem in some way?

I also know that not all groupies give themselves permission to cheat. They may only want companionship and friendship with the celebrated person.


As an aside, I'm really glad to hear from you. Your other very long thread touched me and I continue to pray for you and your husband.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

TJW said:


> As an aside, I'm really glad to hear from you. Your other very long thread touched me and I continue to pray for you and your husband.


This is so kind and thoughtful.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't think the post or question as posed will net what you are looking for.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Are you wondering why women give themselves to celebrities? Rock stars, athletes and actors?


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Women generally are attracted to money, power, status, or some combination of the three. And they will put out to get it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

This probably isn't the right community to find a groupie in the midst. 

I don't understand the mentality of a groupie, but then I never wanted to live my life in the reflected and fleeting glory of someone else. As I understand it, a groupie chases a famous person when they come in town to perform. They seek out the parties and do what's necessary to get in to the party to meet or meet again the celebrity.

I had once a chance to be a groupie. I was having breakfast with my god mother at the same hotel where a B singing group was staying before their performance that evening. One of the better looking guys in the band approached our table and offered me a ticket to his concert. My first thought was safety, so I asked if I could a bring a friend. He said as ling as it wasn't a guy.

So my sister and I went. He told us to meet him in the lobby of the hotel after the concert. My sister and I, wondering if there was a bona fide party going on went. After seeing a couple of women trying to get his attention, we decided to leave. I told the guy we were going and thanks for the ticket. He said "Don't you like me?" There was something weird about that.

And that was the end of that.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

> She will remember her 2 hours of being used as more precious than being loved by her husband.


I mean men just need to be realistic about these types of women. It's really very simple you don't marry one. That is your answer. Just like if I had a daughter I would tell her if you meet one of these celebs who are trading off of their fame for sex you don't marry him. Some people are just not relationship material. If someone is shallow enough to trade 2 hours for a lifetime commitment their priorities show anyone would be very unwise to marry them.

There are people you have fun with and people you marry.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

How much does this even happen?

I suppose married women have occupied a celebrity's bed more often than we know about but it doesn't strike me as even remotely as prevalent as just regular infidelity?

As for single women following and having sex with celebrities, I'm generally put off by that behavior but as long as they are up front and honest with anyone they are involved with and don't cheat, I don't care.

As long as they leave it behind if they want to develop a real relationship, it shouldn't be an issue.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> As long as they leave it behind if they want to develop a real relationship, it shouldn't be an issue.


Yes, that's agreed. Anything CAN BE left behind, if the person is no longer seeking to meet a need by it, has learned and decided that there are better rewards and better ways of achieving them.

But, we here observe over and over again, how a relationship partner is still "holding on" to the past.



ConanHub said:


> Are you wondering why women give themselves to celebrities? Rock stars, athletes and actors?


Yes, and why are these superficial trysts and brief flings of greater value to them than a long-term relationship with a devoted mate ?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

TJW said:


> Yes, and why are these superficial trysts and brief flings of greater value to them than a long-term relationship with a devoted mate ?


Chasing a chemical high they aren't getting elsewhere would be my guess. I'm not even sure that it means more to them, its just a high that is unforgettable. I imagine similar to a meth addict, that first night with whatever star gave them an extreme rush, an all time high in terms of chemical release like they had never experienced. The groupie life, again guessing, is the means of chasing that extreme high every chance you can. Although, nothing will ever live up to that first time. Eventually you either figure it out, or you grow old enough that the rock stars and such are no longer taking them anymore and moving on to younger girls. You don't really leave that life, it leaves you so to speak. 

In the case of a one off fling while married, it just comes down to that large dose of chemical soup your body produced during the experience that leaves you swept off of your feet, floating above the clouds. While they probably value their husbands more than that fling itself as a whole, the euphoric blast of pure, blissful, naturally produced, feel good chemicals is undeniably going to leave a lasting impression and imprint in your mind.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

TJW said:


> ..why are these superficial trysts and brief flings of greater value to them than a long-term relationship with a devoted mate ?


Because some things just are, dear. :grin2:


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

TJW said:


> and why are these superficial trysts and brief flings of greater value to them than a long-term relationship with a devoted mate ?


As a woman, I don't understand this way of thinking at all. 

There's no part of me that desires casual interaction with people in general - certainly not casual sex with men.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

TJW said:


> Yes, that's agreed. Anything CAN BE left behind, if the person is no longer seeking to meet a need by it, has learned and decided that there are better rewards and better ways of achieving them.
> 
> But, we here observe over and over again, how a relationship partner is still "holding on" to the past.
> 
> ...


*
*

Because in their mind it ups their rank. Which one would a man brag about shagging: the hotel maid or a supermodel? Sleeping with a celebrity gives the woman bragging rights and puts her ahead of others in the pecking order of other women in her social circle. Or, so she thinks.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> [/B]
> 
> Because in their mind it ups their rank. Which one would a man brag about shagging: the hotel maid or a supermodel? Sleeping with a celebrity gives the woman bragging rights and puts her ahead of others in the pecking order of other women in her social circle. Or, so she thinks.


I have read that for some wwomen, when they have slept with a "10" -- even a one night stand --- they believe that they can get a 10 for a long term relationship. 

One of the downsides pf the sexual revolution.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

TJW said:


> Yes, and why are these superficial trysts and brief flings of greater value to them than a long-term relationship with a devoted mate ?


Because some women are just like some guys. Trying to put notches on their belt instead of making a commitment to one person. It is really no different than the ***** hound who has to sleep with every beautiful woman he finds. 
As others have said, many times these people are no relationship (at least LTR) material. You are left with two choices, either avoid them altogether or have some temporary fun. Because temporary fun is all that you will ever get from them. Hoping for anything beyond that is a fool's errand. 
You can't change anybody, they have to choose to change themselves. If you opt for the second choice and they decide to change for you, great! But if they don't, there is nothing you can do about it. 
Go find someone who isn't this person and enjoy your life.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

The question is just like all the others. 

Men and woman both experience it, I guess. 

So from the woman's perspective, sleeping with a star athlete, or musician, or whomever, is simply another version of women that want to sleep with an alpha male, or their perception of that experience.

Frankly, it is simply that SIMPLE. I understand why it happens, I personally have benefitted from it. But I do find it kind of sad if a married woman does that. If your H is not alpha, or whatever enough for you, then have the decency to divorce him and move on. 

Find someone that you do what to be with. 

Why they "Actually" think that way long term is kind of a mystery I think. 

However, when I was young, performing around the country, it happened all the time. They see the hot young musician, or whatever, and they want to be with him, (Me in those days). 

When you are young you think it is super cool, of course, but when you are grown, it is a little sad, from my point of view...


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

BluesPower said:


> If your H is not alpha, or whatever enough for you, then have the decency to divorce him and move on.


You're kidding, right? I mean, yes, decency, common decency, do the HONORABLE thing. Leave. Give him a "walk".... no child support, 50-50 custody, liberal visitation, cooperative parenting, share all the assets (if you actually contributed anything to them) equally. If you don't want him and have no attraction to him sexually, don't you dare take one more dime of his money, or one more minute of his emotional support. Get off, let him alone. 



NextTimeAround said:


> for some wwomen, when they have slept with a "10" -- even a one night stand --- they believe that they can get a 10 for a long term relationship.


Exactly. It never occurs to them that a "10" doesn't have to give LTR .... hell, they didn't even make him use a condom after they knew him for 2 hours. They settle for a 5 because he is willing to share his life and his money and his time with them, and figure they can kiss the toad and turn him into a prince (of course, with a 5-year continuum of nagging, insults, criticism, and *****ing for "his own benefit").

Poor schmo.... he won't ever "measure up" to the porn star who doesn't even remember her name (if he ever knew)....



Blondilocks said:


> bragging rights


That's it. He's a "trophy" they can point to when their toad still has warts.... it's "not them"......


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Here's a hint: this problem is HER problem. Something is not right with people who take fandom to THIS level.

And you don't have to beat your chest to be a good husband. Don't buy into that crap.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

BluesPower said:


> The question is just like all the others.
> 
> Men and woman both experience it, I guess.
> 
> ...


Didn't you say you are in law enforcement? I think there was a tv series about you - that singing cop in Memphis.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

TJW said:


> Yes, and why are these superficial trysts and brief flings of greater value to them than a long-term relationship with a devoted mate ?


I can't speak to "value". I don't think all human actions are a pro and con decision of this sort. I can see why a woman might do this. These guys seem FUN, EXCITING. One of the things husbands stop being when they put the ring on and figure the race was won.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I'm not a recovered groupie, but I'll tell you my first exposure to a wannabe groupie.

In Jr. High I had a friend whose bedroom walls were covered with posters of David Cassidy and Donny Osmond. She had crushes on both of them, listened to their music etc., was a member of their fan clubs and actually wrote letters to them.

I thought they were handsome too, but I knew I didn't want to be one of 1000's of girls who wrote to them, swooned and cried if they got their attention. I was embarrassed for her, and wondered if she even realized she was a nobody and had no chance of ever having a real relationship of even friendship with either of them.

A few years ago, when researching infidelity I ran across a website where women groupies posted their sexual experiences with famous people. Reading their posts, my stomach turned and it was evident how shallow, and perhaps empty those women's lives were. Their goal in life was to have sex with famous people.

Groupies to me are sad, sad people.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NobodySpecial said:


> I can't speak to "value". I don't think all human actions are a pro and con decision of this sort. I can see why a woman might do this. These guys seem FUN, EXCITING. One of the things husbands stop being when they put the ring on and figure the race was won.


Same reason married men go to strip clubs and visit prostitutes? Their wives stop being worth a damn when they walked that aisle and showed off their dresses on their special day. Yeah I can see that.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Same reason married men go to strip clubs and visit prostitutes? Their wives stop being worth a damn when they walked that aisle and showed off their dresses on their special day. Yeah I can see that.


Who started being lazy first??!!?? Who knows. What I don't get is why people stay married when it comes to that. But that is me.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> Didn't you say you are in law enforcement? I think there was a tv series about you - that singing cop in Memphis.


I was not then, and I am around LE now. 

I have a real job and everything...


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NobodySpecial said:


> Who started being lazy first??!!?? Who knows. What I don't get is why people stay married when it comes to that. But that is me.



I agree. A strip club is fun once a year or something with your friends shooting the ****. If you are with a woman that is so terrible you spend $$$ at the strip club every month and need a prostitute just to get a BJ, its long past time to divorce. 

As far as who got lazy first? In failed marriages, its probably 50/50 men/women.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TJW said:


> You're kidding, right? I mean, yes, decency, common decency, do the HONORABLE thing. Leave. Give him a "walk".... no child support, 50-50 custody, liberal visitation, cooperative parenting, share all the assets (if you actually contributed anything to them) equally. If you don't want him and have no attraction to him sexually, don't you dare take one more dime of his money, or one more minute of his emotional support. Get off, let him alone.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It seems like you have some skin in this?

You seem to have some pain of your own showing in this post.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Araucaria said:


> I'm not a recovered groupie, but I'll tell you my first exposure to a wannabe groupie.
> 
> In Jr. High I had a friend whose bedroom walls were covered with posters of David Cassidy and Donny Osmond. She had crushes on both of them, listened to their music etc., was a member of their fan clubs and actually wrote letters to them.
> 
> ...


I knew of a woman who when very young had a sexual relationship with Jimmy Saville. Non-Brits Google him to check him out.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> I knew of a woman who when very young had a sexual relationship with Jimmy Saville. Non-Brits Google him to check him out.


Good Lord, thats worse than Jeremy Clarkson even.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I knew of a woman who when very young had a sexual relationship with Jimmy Saville. Non-Brits Google him to check him out.


That is a very different situation, since he was an older pedophile and sexual predator in general.

The girl I knew in Jr. High was just your average Jr. High girl with a crush on musicians/actors her same age. I hope she grew up to FIL with a real life person her own age.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Araucaria said:


> That is a very different situation, since he was an older pedophile and sexual predator in general.
> 
> The girl I knew in Jr. High was just your average Jr. High girl with a crush on musicians/actors her same age. I hope she grew up to FIL with a real life person her own age.


The woman concerned had been a groupie and kept boasting to her friends that he was one of the stars on her special list of celebrity ****s even showing them photos of them together on a cruise liner, but when he died she changed her tune and was going to sue his estate.

Until her friends told her they would reveal all she had said about him and her other celebrities. And suddenly she decided to drop the idea.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> I knew of a woman who when very young had a sexual relationship with Jimmy Saville. Non-Brits Google him to check him out.


I read a a book about him. It is scary how, in more provincial times, he was able to get away with what he did.

One chilling anecdote from the book was about how the law enforcement office in Saville's hometown was digitalising back in the 80s. An office worker noticed how each time he tried to enter a complaint about Saville he was unable to with the response that he needed to take the matter to the head of the office.

IOW, that was viewed one way to suppress complaints about Saville.


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## FMLuder1013 (Dec 26, 2018)

Well this thread certainly gives me hope lol

My wife slept with an athlete and we’re on our way to being divorced. She wanted the Fun and EXCITEMENT that someone else mentioned. That’ just how people are, especially in our society- we all want our desires to be indulged and we want it right now. Men want to hookup with every other woman they see and women want movie stars and singers and athletes because they’re richer and better looking than their boyfriends/husbands. Noone can live up to the standards set by celebrities but many people just really really really want that. No one wants to hear this but...sex with a celebrity would probably be better than sex with a partner. The emotions and reactions celebrities get are bigger than anything people feel for their spouses. Just facts. It’s very sad and that’s why people don’t like this to be brought up, but just because you don’t like the truth, doesn’t mean it’s not true.

I’m on a big roll lately. My wife slept with an athlete, I overheard a woman at work say she would leave her husband for Tom Hardy, no questions asked. And I was spending time at a buddies house with some friends and had the misfortune of overhearing some of the women in another room talking about me and my wife. To paraphrase their conversation - they were jealous of my wife. They thought she was lucky. One of them joked that they wanted details but felt bad asking me because they felt sorry for me....

What are relationships really?....just the last resort of people who aren’t lucky enough to hookup with celebrities?

Will anyone come out and say that they are in a relationship/marriage because it’s their only option? No...but I get the sense this is many people’s truth. Like someone else said, you can have fun or get married. Well, who doesn’t want to have fun? Am I right?

I’m depressed over the fact that I’m not one of the chosen few who can offer women anything but it’s still better than lying to myself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I read a a book about him. It is scary how, in more provincial times, he was able to get away with what he did.
> 
> One chilling anecdote from the book was about how the law enforcement office in Saville's hometown was digitalising back in the 80s. An office worker noticed how each time he tried to enter a complaint about Saville he was unable to with the response that he needed to take the matter to the head of the office.
> 
> IOW, that was viewed one way to suppress complaints about Saville.


Apparently he would threaten people with retribution by the IRA.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

FMLuder1013 said:


> Well this thread certainly gives me hope lol
> 
> My wife slept with an athlete and we’re on our way to being divorced. She wanted the Fun and EXCITEMENT that someone else mentioned. That’ just how people are, especially in our society- we all want our desires to be indulged and we want it right now. Men want to hookup with every other woman they see and women want movie stars and singers and athletes because they’re richer and better looking than their boyfriends/husbands. Noone can live up to the standards set by celebrities but many people just really really really want that. No one wants to hear this but...sex with a celebrity would probably be better than sex with a partner. The emotions and reactions celebrities get are bigger than anything people feel for their spouses. Just facts. It’s very sad and that’s why people don’t like this to be brought up, but just because you don’t like the truth, doesn’t mean it’s not true.
> 
> ...




I won't say that. Because it isn't true. I am in a relationship now. A happy, healthy, supportive, loving, fun relationship. With a guy who is, like me, in no way famous. And I'm in this relationship because I choose to be. Every day, I get to decide what I want my life to look like. I get to choose who I want to spend my time with and how I want my relationship to progress. So, no, I'm not in a relationship because it's my only option. It's not. I'm not even in a relationship with my SO because he's my only option. He's not. Nor am I his only option. Rather, we both choose to be in this relationship because we wish to be in it, with each other, despite there being other options - some arguably more exciting, high-status, wealthy, good looking, etc. - available to both of us.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

FMLuder1013 said:


> Well this thread certainly gives me hope lol
> 
> My wife slept with an athlete and we’re on our way to being divorced. She wanted the Fun and EXCITEMENT that someone else mentioned. That’ just how people are, especially in our society- we all want our desires to be indulged and we want it right now. Men want to hookup with every other woman they see and women want movie stars and singers and athletes because they’re richer and better looking than their boyfriends/husbands. Noone can live up to the standards set by celebrities but many people just really really really want that. No one wants to hear this but...sex with a celebrity would probably be better than sex with a partner. The emotions and reactions celebrities get are bigger than anything people feel for their spouses. Just facts. It’s very sad and that’s why people don’t like this to be brought up, but just because you don’t like the truth, doesn’t mean it’s not true.
> 
> ...


What you do not understand, and probably never will, is that what you are saying is not true. You may not be able to offer your wife (and for goodness sake I hope it is your soon to be ex wife) something, but I assure you that you could offer the right woman EVERYTHING...

I am sorry that you feel like this. It is very sad.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

@FMLuder1013

Your jaded view is unfortunately correct about a good portion of the population.

I believe there is a smaller % of folks who would leave their spouse, and maybe children, behind for a celebrity and probably a fairly large % of people who would cheat with a celebrity given the opportunity but with hopes of retaining their marriage.

I know there are at least some like me who would not willingly cheat regardless of the status of the potential AP.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Even if I were single, celebrity status would be a red flag to me since so many of them cheat, get divorced, use drugs, and generally have messed up perronal lives. 

While many people are like what you described, not everyone is. You seem to be inthralled by celebrity status and "rank" (she's a 10, right?) and you married someone like you, so there you go.

Unless you get your own head straight and change what is important to you, you are likely to choose another shallow person.

Are you in counseling?


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## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I knew of a woman who when *very young* had a sexual relationship with Jimmy Saville. Non-Brits Google him to check him out.


 :|


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

FMLuder1013 said:


> I’m depressed over the fact that I’m not one of the chosen few who can offer women anything but it’s still better than lying to myself.


I'm your brother. I descended from the same gene pool. I'm now 66 years old, and I have had 3 wives and a SO GF. 

What @ConanHub asked about "skin in the game" ?? Yes, I've got skin. But the truth is, NONE of these women allowed the "game" to have my skin in it very often. And, when they did, it was just to shut me up for another couple months.

Meanwhile, all the celebrity guys? You should have heard it. Cat calls, whistles, comments, I got told once that "...if you looked like him, you'ld have to beat me off with a stick..."



BluesPower said:


> You may not be able to offer your wife (and for goodness sake I hope it is your soon to be ex wife) something, but I assure you that you could offer the right woman EVERYTHING...


I'm the eternal optimist. I believe in apple pie and mom and eating milk and oreo cookies. Even now, in my 7th decade of life, I still want to believe that this is true. And, for you, as a young man, it may indeed be...... my first wife told me in my early thirties "....there are several women in this (small) town who would just dearly love to be married to you....." .... she stated, before she died, that "....the Lord knew you wouldn't leave me to die alone or broke....". Wow. Gotta love it, those marriage reasons.

But now as such an one as W the aged, I'm starting to "get it". Why groupies want to marry guys like you and me. It's because they have been used as a seminal deposit so many times, they look for a guy who has the morals and uprightness to not use them for a masturbation toy. It doesn't occur to them that the "grouper" is not selective. When they watched the old Clint Eastwood film, in which he had the line "...two things matter in life.....how well you do in school, and where you put your pec%er...." - ..... they blew off school, and any port in a storm.... 

They then convince themselves that "attraction" isn't "important"..... it's the "qualities" in the man..... but few months down the road from the altar, the next "grouper" comes along who doesn't care what they look like.....


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

TJW said:


> I'm your brother. I descended from the same gene pool. I'm now 66 years old, and I have had 3 wives and a SO GF.
> 
> What @ConanHub asked about "skin in the game" ?? Yes, I've got skin. But the truth is, NONE of these women allowed the "game" to have my skin in it very often. And, when they did, it was just to shut me up for another couple months.
> 
> ...


Just. Wow. Fantasy land in the extreme.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

TJW said:


> I'm your brother. I descended from the same gene pool. I'm now 66 years old, and I have had 3 wives and a SO GF.
> 
> What @ConanHub asked about "skin in the game" ?? Yes, I've got skin. But the truth is, NONE of these women allowed the "game" to have my skin in it very often. And, when they did, it was just to shut me up for another couple months.
> 
> ...


You know @TWJ, and to OP from the other thread. 

I understand that maybe it is too late. I understand that you guys think you are just not whatever. And I understand that you will not believe me, and maybe I am wrong. 

But the way that things appear to you guys is not real. It may feel real to you, but I have to think you may have gotten some bad breaks. I don't know what happened in your lives, and let me say that I am sorry that it did. 

And, TJW, I am 54, so I am not that young, and all my marriages have not been great, but I believe my next one will be. 

And who knows, maybe I am just lucky and I don't now what you life has been like for you two, but I just cannot think that way for anyone.

I wish that there was some way to tell you that you are worth more than you think. I just wish I could...


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## FMLuder1013 (Dec 26, 2018)

Well I’m 35 and it is partially how I think of myself but even more than that...it’s how I know other people think/see me. Specifically women and how they think and perceive me.

I’m beating a dead horse with a stick but I notice how women react to versus other men and I notice the differences is all I’m saying


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ouch!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I wonder if Peter Dinklage gets that kinda love?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> I wonder if Peter Dinklage gets that kinda love?


Who?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Who?


WHO??!!!??!!!????!! 


https://www.google.com/imgres?imgur...hUKEwjQ6NWE-5jgAhXHVt8KHTQ8DdgQ_B0wGnoECAMQBg


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

FMLuder1013 said:


> Well I’m 35 and it is partially how I think of myself but even more than that...it’s how I know other people think/see me. Specifically women and how they think and perceive me.
> 
> I’m beating a dead horse with a stick but I notice how women react to versus other men and I notice the differences is all I’m saying


That my friend has nothing to do with anything but your attitude. If you are fat, get fit. If you don't understand things about relationships and women, read a book... Read a lot of books. 

Find something that makes you feel good about yourself. 

And if you don't know how to have sex, and I cannot believe that I am saying this, go to a prostitute and ask them to help you learn. 

Whatever it is, you can change it. Got to therapy with a real therapist that will call you on your bull**** attitude. 

For goodness sake man, you are 35 Years Old. You can change your life...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I think it is understandable when you can find so many good deals.... oh wait, nevermind, I thought this was about people who were recovering from Groupon :slap:


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> I wonder if Peter Dinklage gets that kinda love?


Or how about Verne Troye for that matter....... when he was alive.


"Mini Me" Sues TMZ Over Sex Tape | Yowazzup: A Directory of Happening Things


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> WHO??!!!??!!!????!!
> 
> 
> https://www.google.com/imgres?imgur...hUKEwjQ6NWE-5jgAhXHVt8KHTQ8DdgQ_B0wGnoECAMQBg


Oh! I like him!


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## FMLuder1013 (Dec 26, 2018)

I’m 35 but the few times I’ve been out to a bar or listened to people talk about dating I feel like I’m 100

I do hear lots of women complaining about the type of guys they meet. And either women are too nitpicky with men or as one woman I heard at work say last week- “single men today are nothing but a cesspool of garbage”

Apparently a lot of uneducated, unemployed mamas boys out there and once in a while I think hey I am certainly better than that right? But then I doubt myself and think.... no I can’t 

I am going to therapy twice a week actually and I’m not going on any medication for anxiety or depression... I just don’t like the idea of a pill making me feel better. I want to get my head right on my own and not just because I’ve been chemically altered to feel better...if that makes sense?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

FMLuder1013 said:


> I’m 35 but the few times I’ve been out to a bar or listened to people talk about dating I feel like I’m 100
> 
> I do hear lots of women complaining about the type of guys they meet. And either women are too nitpicky with men or as one woman I heard at work say last week- “single men today are nothing but a cesspool of garbage”
> 
> ...


Women sometimes vent and complain as a form of therapy. But that one woman you describe with her sweeping remark in men is pretty bad.

I remember hearing in the 80s one would say "all the good ones are taken." So I'm not sure when there ever was a golden age of dating.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

FMLuder1013 said:


> I’m 35 but the few times I’ve been out to a bar or listened to people talk about dating I feel like I’m 100
> 
> I do hear lots of women complaining about the type of guys they meet. And either women are too nitpicky with men or as one woman I heard at work say last week- “single men today are nothing but a cesspool of garbage”
> 
> ...


Well no, it does not make sense. So here you are about to get divorced. You have a history of depression and anxiety. Now dude it does not make sense, it is stupid. 

D and A, that are chronic are a MEDICAL condition. Nothing to be ashamed about, but nothing to be stupid about either. 

If this is chronic, and it sounds like it is, a pill CAN make you feel much better. 

Do you have any idea how much women feel insecure when their "man" has issues that he won't deal with. It makes them insecure. 

No, you thinking has to change, and for your sake, I really hope it does...


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

FMLuder1013 said:


> I am going to therapy twice a week actually and I’m not going on any medication for anxiety or depression... I just don’t like the idea of a pill making me feel better. I want to get my head right on my own and not just because I’ve been chemically altered to feel better...if that makes sense?


 From someone who felt the same way for years and always wondered why people couldn't just "kick" the depression, I will tell you I was wrong. There is no amount of wanting or trying that will fix a chemical imbalance. The meds can, and often get you back where you need to be so you can taper off of them.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

On the groupie thing, I had a friend who's sister slept with Micky Dolenz from the Monkees for years, even had his kid. She was about a third of his age but was obsessed with him. One of the funniest things I've ever heard was after the kid was born my buddy said: "Well I'll be a Monkey's uncle". I cried laughing so hard.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Rubix Cubed said:


> The meds can, and often get you back where you need to be so you can taper off of them.


And, in many instances, the meds are no longer needed once the patient has time in the stability of the meds to reconsider and rebuild his neural networks.


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## FMLuder1013 (Dec 26, 2018)

I’m not taking meds plain and simple. I might as well just sign up to get brainwashed. I’d rather be myself and be messed up than be technically “ok” and some zombie on meds. I’ve known lots of people on anxiety and depression medication...never heard anyone say anything good


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

FMLuder1013 said:


> I’m not taking meds plain and simple. I might as well just sign up to get brainwashed. I’d rather be myself and be messed up than be technically “ok” and some zombie on meds. I’ve known lots of people on anxiety and depression medication...never heard anyone say anything good


Well count me in the good category.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FMLuder1013 said:


> I’m not taking meds plain and simple. I might as well just sign up to get brainwashed. I’d rather be myself and be messed up than be technically “ok” and some zombie on meds. I’ve known lots of people on anxiety and depression medication...never heard anyone say anything good


Hard work, physical exertion, working out in a gym...

There is a lot of therapy built up in sweat equity.

Work your body hard. It can help clear your mind.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Hard work, physical exertion, working out in a gym...
> 
> There is a lot of therapy built up in sweat equity.
> 
> Work your body hard. It can help clear your mind.


Every therapist in the world (hyperbole) would agree with the therapeutic value of exercise.


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## FMLuder1013 (Dec 26, 2018)

Well I go to a therapist and I work out almost every day and am in really good shape so, those are the things I’m doing to try to make myself feel better


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