# How about oral, the other way around?



## ChubbieOwl (Nov 19, 2011)

I love both giving and receiving oral. My husband is one of very few lucky men that is married to a woman who actually enjoys giving him oral sex! 
But he very rarely returns the favor 
I don't know if he doesn't like doing it, if he is unsure of what or how he is doing or what. I will tell him that I will give him oral and he can return the favor and he agrees, but then never follows through.
How can I ask for this in a subtle way?


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## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

I love doing it.

Anyway, make him go first or don't do it for him?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ChubbieOwl said:


> I love both giving and receiving oral. My husband is one of very few lucky men that is married to a woman who actually enjoys giving him oral sex!
> But he very rarely returns the favor
> I don't know if he doesn't like doing it, if he is unsure of what or how he is doing or what. I will tell him that I will give him oral and he can return the favor and he agrees, but then never follows through.
> How can I ask for this in a subtle way?


welcome to my world!

hes knows you want it but has some sort of handg up about it. or is just to damn selfish/lazy.

when this happens and I push the issue (gently) I get a half a$$ attempt with a sux what look on her face. and then the mood is killed and I don't even enjoy it.

good luck hope it dosn't build too much resentment then you won't even want to have sex with him!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Unless he really wants to do it and suggests it I don't think there is some subtle way to ask him.

You just have to be blunt and ask, tell him how much you'd love it. Unless he's got some sort of aversion, save just being lazy, I don't see why he wouldn't. If he's being lazy or selfish that's another matter.

If he does have some sort of aversion, best to clear the air anyway.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Either ask outright - or tell him the new rule is "Ladies First"!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

nice777guy's post was exactly my thought.


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## ChubbieOwl (Nov 19, 2011)

I still haven't been able to bring myself to just ask him LOL. Pretty sad since we have been together almost 10 years now .
Anyway, what reminded of this thread was last week, my husband started sending me some of the dirtiest text messages ever and he said he want to do this (but in a much dirtier, sexy way that I can't post here LOL!) 
So I responded that I would love for him to do it and he better not be teasing me. Later that evening after work and putting the kid to bed, we had a great time, but still no oral from him . I think in that case he had worked himself up too much through out the day to have the patience to do it haha.
But I thought I had dropped a nice hint that I would love for him to do it. I even joked one day that I would put cookies in my panties if it would get him to lick them and he said he would do it without the cookies. I get the feeling that he doesn't oppose it or not want to do it, but that he just doesn't want to slow down and take the time or maybe he feels unsure about what to do or something.
I'm gonna make this dream happen dammit!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

ChubbieOwl said:


> I still haven't been able to bring myself to just ask him LOL. Pretty sad since we have been together almost 10 years now .
> Anyway, what reminded of this thread was last week, my husband started sending me some of the dirtiest text messages ever and he said he want to do this (but in a much dirtier, sexy way that I can't post here LOL!)
> So I responded that I would love for him to do it and he better not be teasing me. Later that evening after work and putting the kid to bed, we had a great time, but still no oral from him . I think in that case he had worked himself up too much through out the day to have the patience to do it haha.
> But I thought I had dropped a nice hint that I would love for him to do it. I even joked one day that I would put cookies in my panties if it would get him to lick them and he said he would do it without the cookies. I get the feeling that he doesn't oppose it or not want to do it, but that he just doesn't want to slow down and take the time or maybe he feels unsure about what to do or something.
> I'm gonna make this dream happen dammit!


I hope you do, and if you have a spouse who is talking about being willing to do so, it will happen eventually.

Speaking as a guy (who quite enjoys doing this by the way. My partner doesn't want to recieve oral, but that's another story) my advise would be to just wait for a few weeks and see if it happens. If it does happen, be sure to tell him how much you liked it and enjoyed it, thank him for it, and tell him he's welcome to continue doing it in the future. I'd avoid critism, even constructive critism, for the first little bit (unless he's hurting you somehow or he's just absoltuely terrible at it). Let him build up his ego a bit, then 'guide' him to make it better. Try and put yourself in his shoes and pretend you are uncomfortable doing it, and what type of feedback would help you become more comfortable with it.

I think you are well on your way, as communication is what will open most doors. If for some reason it doesn't happen in the next few weeks, then try and bring up the subject again and just ask where he's at and what he thinks. Get the communication flowing.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

when he is laying in bed just crawl up there with your waist where his head is, swing a leg over on the other side and slowly lower yourself down.
i love that myself.

or like others have said, he goes first or it doesnt happen.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Marriage 101 -- if you want to get it, you got to give it!


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

i offer ALL the time to give my wife oral, 99% of the time she will turn me down,,but she happily goes down on me..can't figure her out.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Sorry - but I keep thinking "the other way around" sounds like some new oral technique!!!

I don't understand why he would tease you all day and then not follow through...


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## ChubbieOwl (Nov 19, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Sorry - but I keep thinking "the other way around" sounds like some new oral technique!!!
> 
> I don't understand why he would tease you all day and then not follow through...


Me neither!!! He did it again two days ago. When we both got home from work I whispered that I planned to hold him to his promises and he said good because he was going to do everything he said he would. Then I guess he just couldn't hold back and wound up just bending me over the bed and going at it.
Damn it, you gotta pre-heat the oven before you bake the cookies!!
I am getting beyond frustrated now. I don't know if it is just impatience on his part or selfishness or laziness. He has never been a selfish or lazy lover in almost 10 years, so I really just think all of the dirty talk gets him too worked up to control himself.

I feel like at this point I have made it clear what I want and he has agreed that he will do it, but he just never does. 
And trust me, I am just as fond of giving as I am receiving.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I was in the same boat. NEVER in 18 years of marriage, 23 together been on the receiving end. Always gave bjs willingly (and swallowed!) and could not get an honest answer (yes, I asked!) why no return. Finally he told me that other women (over 23 years ago!!) smelled funny. I have shaved, bathed and presented myself in a greeting card, and finally after suggesting a nooner, he came home for an afternoon delight and OMG. I didn't orgasm, I think I was too worked up (I usually can O pretty fast when I'm all worked up) but I did really enjoy and look forward to our next encounter


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

ChubbieOwl said:


> Me neither!!! He did it again two days ago. When we both got home from work I whispered that I planned to hold him to his promises and he said good because he was going to do everything he said he would. Then I guess he just couldn't hold back and wound up just bending me over the bed and going at it.
> Damn it, you gotta pre-heat the oven before you bake the cookies!!
> I am getting beyond frustrated now. I don't know if it is just impatience on his part or selfishness or laziness. He has never been a selfish or lazy lover in almost 10 years, so I really just think all of the dirty talk gets him too worked up to control himself.
> 
> ...


How is your husbands sex drive? If he gets it one day, does he get easily worked up the next day? If not, perhaps pushing the issue the day after might get him there because he won't be humming along at 100 mph in his pants.


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## Zippy the chimp (May 15, 2012)

Never have understood this, love pleasing my wife any way, any time. I live by this rule the more fun SHE has the more fun I am going to have and I like to have lots of fun.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Owl, you should have your husband read the book called "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. It's basically a step-by-step instructional on how to give proper oral to a woman to ensure she gets off from it. 

Many men don't realize that the process to get a woman to orgasm from oral is a slow, gentle build-up that can take on average about 20 minutes (some woman are different and can get there more quickly). Not knowing this, men often get lost in the moment while giving oral and start moving too fast or start getting too rough and it basically ruins the moment for the woman.

I recommend this because if your man starts giving your oral and suddenly he doesn't know how to do it properly, you may still find yourself dissatisfied and he will become emotionally torn by that seeing himself as a failure to please, and it could possibly do more damage to your relationship as a result.


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## ChubbieOwl (Nov 19, 2011)

Bottled Up said:


> Owl, you should have your husband read the book called "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. It's basically a step-by-step instructional on how to give proper oral to a woman to ensure she gets off from it.


I am not sure how he would react to that. What if I offend him, and he thinks I am telling him that he has no skills or something??
He does have other excellent skills...I would imagine his knowledge of how to use his hands could translate into using his tongue the same way...
At this point, I am just looking for him to make the attempt. We can fine tune the detail from there.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Have you tried striking him over the head with a hard, heavy object???

I know it's kind of lame - but maybe buy some edible undies?

A better option - there are flavored oils that also give you a mild tingling sensation.

But - I think some of us are trying to use logic and reason where they simply may not apply. Sorry.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I would almost rather go down on a woman than have intercourse. Sometimes intercourse can get boring, but watching and feeling a woman writhe as I orally stimulate her...hearing her moan....man that's a powerful feeling.

A woman is like a fifth basic food group to me.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ChubbieOwl said:


> I love both giving and receiving oral. My husband is one of very few lucky men that is married to a woman who actually enjoys giving him oral sex!
> But he very rarely returns the favor
> I don't know if he doesn't like doing it, if he is unsure of what or how he is doing or what. I will tell him that I will give him oral and he can return the favor and he agrees, but then never follows through.
> How can I ask for this in a subtle way?


Some men have issues with " returning the favour ".,so that they lose their erection when they give oral and its difficult to get back as hard after.
some guys just don't know what to do, and are afraid to ask.Everybody is wired differently,and sometimes the wires are crossed. As for me , I love seeing my wife so aroused that her legs actually shake....
Only one thing gets her like that.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Heh I'm in the same boat. I give all the time and and more than happy to swallow...but I don't get it in return. Every time I think about this and get annoyed I tell myself that next time if he asks or shoves it in my face (I kind of like when he gets aggressive like that) that I'll tell him only if I get it as well....but I always forget or I cave because I love giving so much. I actually crave it at times and can't seem to give it up temporarily or post pone it. Oh well.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Bottled Up said:


> Owl, you should have your husband read the book called "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. It's basically a step-by-step instructional on how to give proper oral to a woman to ensure she gets off from it.
> 
> Many men don't realize that the process to get a woman to orgasm from oral is a slow, gentle build-up that can take on average about 20 minutes (some woman are different and can get there more quickly). Not knowing this, men often get lost in the moment while giving oral and start moving too fast or start getting too rough and it basically ruins the moment for the woman.
> 
> I recommend this because if your man starts giving your oral and suddenly he doesn't know how to do it properly, you may still find yourself dissatisfied and he will become emotionally torn by that seeing himself as a failure to please, and it could possibly do more damage to your relationship as a result.



That's why my hubs doesn't do it much. I bruised his ego by not making him feel like a sex god cuz I never orgasmed. According to him he'd be down there "forever" and nothing would happen so he'd just give up. Blah.


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## Janpieter (Mar 3, 2012)

ChubbieOwl said:


> I love both giving and receiving oral. My husband is one of very few lucky men that is married to a woman who actually enjoys giving him oral sex!
> But he very rarely returns the favor
> I don't know if he doesn't like doing it, if he is unsure of what or how he is doing or what. I will tell him that I will give him oral and he can return the favor and he agrees, but then never follows through.
> How can I ask for this in a subtle way?


Your husband doesn't know how good he's got it. I'm in the same position as you but my wife won't/ can't do oral at all. I'm really at my wits end. After almost 25 years of marriage I'm just worn out by the dissimilarities in our sexual drives, preferences, everything and ready to walk out of this hell. I love her so much and believe she loves me just as much in every way except the one I need. Every time she makes any tiny effort she treats it like the UN delivering Peace on Earth and then is angry if I don't applaud her daring and courage.


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## Janpieter (Mar 3, 2012)

Sorry I should have made the point before that I really love giving oral to my wife.


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