# I'm drowning!!!



## iceit4me (Jun 20, 2010)

I don't know where to begin. Things are just all messed up. Married to my husband 19 years. He is selfish. And he is emotionally and physically abusing me. Don't know what to do. I have a 11 year old child to think about. Alot of the things my H does doesn't make any sense. I feel stuck here. I dont have a job out side the home as I am a cake decorator with my own home based bussiness I am trying to launch. Moving out would disrupt that let alone my child's life. Money is a huge issue. My H has little to do with my child. He works long hours and when he is home he complains about everything and is constantly swearing. He won't have a serious conversation with me. I am very nice about taking to him. He never wants to do anything with me other than sex which is always one sided-his side. Makes me feel cheap and used. I am on antidepressants and will be as long as I am still married to him. He thinks everything has to be all about him all the time. I feel like I am drowning. Please help me


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## EmmyC (Aug 26, 2010)

Hi, your situation sounds a lot like mine. Unfortunately, I don't have a good solution as I'm dealing with it myself too.  I can tell you that we've been to 2 marriage couselors before and they didn't really help. I realized recently that I need to work on myself as a lot of problems in my marriage are out of my control. I wanted to work on myself and my issues so that I can be the best mom I can be to my 2 kids. If I do end up getting a divorce, I want to make sure I am still the best "me" that I can be so that my kids can have a great mom. Good luck and hang in there!


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

*Save your child and self!*

Iceit,

For your child's sake you cannot stay in a marriage where you are being physically abused. Abuse will often poison a kid's life.

Emotional abuse is bad enough, but physical abuse is intolerable - as soon as you're hit once it is time to go.

You are right to think you are drowning, you are being slowly waterboarded into giving up your self respect.

You write that money is tight, I sympathize, lived my entire childhood with parents not having enough money, fighting about it, constantly arguing. For years, despite much love from both of them, I hid from this well into my adult years.

Call 211, if it isn't available in your state ask for the dept of child and welfare services, ask for help getting out of the house. Your kid is at risk from this man, someone at the other end of the phone can help. 

As much as I respect pastors, ministers and priests it seems that some (basing this on anecdotal reports, no real data) will tell you to try to keep your marriage together, that he can change. I strongly disagree he will change, not after almost two decades of abuse, for this reason I'd talk to one of these folks only after you've moved out and they might provide some financial aid or point you to a shelter.

Move your savings to a new bank and move out tomorrow, his next day of work at the latest to an inexpensive motel, tell them you're staying for at least a month and you want a low rate, explain you don't want him to be able to track you by calling your credit card company, so use your new ATM card or cash for everything. 

Don't tell your H you're leaving, next week see if you can get a restraint order keeping him away from you on threat of arrest and prison. He may become angry, he may become abusive.

Your 11 year old will have a better life, though the first months and even years might seem tough for both of you, you need to get out. As airplane personnel (way too PC) tell us, first take care of yourself, then take care of your child - you can't save him if you are battered.

I hope you can soon report you've found a boat and are rowing to shore.


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