# Divorce final on 19th. Anniversary today. Should I even mention it?



## milltown01 (Mar 2, 2015)

Quick backstory:

My wife and I were together for 12 years and as of today have been married for 9. 

We lost our first child - our daughter - at birth in 2008. Changed us both in profound ways we didn't understand. She became unhappy and called end to marriage beginning of March this year.

We have our final court date on the 19th.

We still live together - mostly due to the fact that she has been unable to find somewhere to stay.

We have two kids.

For the most part, we've gotten along very well and have been civil with one another. Divorce itself has been amicable. There have been a few bumps in the road - feelings sometimes get hard to control...but for the most part we're on good terms. We're able to spend time together and it doesn't suck.

As I mentioned before - today is technically our 9th anniversary. We're obviously both aware of the significance of the day. I know it doesn't "mean" what it once did - but should I at least acknowledge it?

It's like a big elephant is in the room. I feel like someone needs to say something.

I was thinking of nothing more than a quick text saying we obviously both know what today is. I understand it doesn't mean what it once did...but we had a lot of good times in those nine years and they gave us three incredible kids. Hope your day goes well.

Nothing more than that.

I would imagine it's rough on her, too.

I just feel like one of us should say something. Next year - probably not - but this year considering the circumstances...maybe?

We don't hate one another. There is some anger - some regret - but not really any bad blood. We'll even sleep in the same bed tonight.

We were two good people who suffered a devastating loss and then lost one another. I like to think we've gone thru this with some dignity and at least acknowledging today would be something along those lines.

Thoughts?


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

No.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You are still sleeping in the same bed? 

If your divorce is final in a week I'd ignore the anniversary it doesn't mean what it once did.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

no

She called an end to the marriage and one of the consequences is the future absence of anniversaries with you.


----------



## milltown01 (Mar 2, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> You are still sleeping in the same bed?
> 
> If your divorce is final in a week I'd ignore the anniversary it doesn't mean what it once did.


Yeah, I know it's weird.

We've been living essentially as roommates for practical reasons.

We get along pretty good - the occasional flare-up - but generally we're good friends.

I just feel like someone should acknowledge it - it doesn't mean what it once did - but I hate just writing it all off as a failure because a lot of good came out of our years together.

I could see it being more cut and dry if we were not living together or if we were at one another's throats.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I wouldn't mention it at all.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

milltown01 said:


> Yeah, I know it's weird.
> 
> We've been living essentially as roommates for practical reasons.
> 
> ...



It sounds like you have answered your own question, it seems like you want to acknowledge it, or maybe you are hoping she does?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Don't mention it. Though you are living together, the marriage is basically over. 

Go do something for yourself that day.


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

When a couple loses a child, more often than not they divorce. The pressure on the marriage is just too much to bare with all the grieving going on at different rates for husband/wife. So I'd ignore the anniversary and be glad you two are amicable. DUDE


----------

