# Can I draw a line in the sand or just call it quits???



## SoulCrushed16

Hello all,
I am hoping for some advice from you all. Any advice is appreciated... So I am 28 years old and my H is 33, been with my him for 8 years this Aug, and married for 6 months, oh and we have a 5 month old son. H is in the military (Army) and we got together a couple of years after he came back from Afghanistan. Well, about 2 (2010) years into our relationship, I have all of these weird feelings that something wasn't right and always asked him if there was a thing going on that he wanted to talk to me about and he would "no not all". I would leave it alone. Then I started to find things in his apartment (we didn't live together at the time) that clearly weren't mine (like hair, Bobbie pins, and cheap perfume smells on his pillow) of course I flipped the Fvck out and demanded to know who the Eff was in his apartment, again he said nothing was going on and no one was there and that all that was mine (I hate wearing Bobbie pins, I don't have auburn hair, and I don't wear cheap perfume) this pissed me off and I left and told him one way or another I will find out and that it would be in his best interest to come clean. He did not... I received a phone call 2 days later from some girl talking about she knew my BF and that they had been in communication (EA) for a year! She said nothing physical happened but it wasn't for her lack of trying... I confronted him about this and broke up with him for 6 months and later we worked it out... Fast forward to 2014, I got pregnant with our son and had a VERY difficult pregnancy, I was sick all of the time for 7 months and was constantly in the hospital, I was also adviced not to have sex as it would harm the baby further. We had a lot going on. We moved into our new condo and got Married in Aug. Anyway, I gave birth in September (Very difficult labor) and the next day I receive this FB message from some woman stating that she knew my H and that they had met on a hookup site in 2012 and had been "together" for 3 years. Mind you I was drugged up and showed the message to my H and asked him what the he11 it meant. He looked worried, took my phone, deleted and blocked the woman. I was in so much pain (3rd degree episiotomy) and out of it I didn't really dwell on it. When we got home 2 days later I asked him about it and he made up some stupid excuse about some weird chick who wouldn't leave him alone. Of course I was suspicious and told him if he's f'ing around then he needs to tell me. He said I had nothing to worry about. I was healing up and had my parents over to help out with my son as I could barely walk. I receive an email from the woman, we'll call her R and she sent me a video of my H back in April masterbating with a caption of "this is for you sexy" to her. Obviously I was livid and called him into the bedroom to confront him with the video. His face falls. He tells me how they met back in 2012 and how they were just friends for a long time and that they only had sex 3 times (I guess once a year for 3 years) and they talked occasionally etc... We talked for hours and I told him to leave. Even though this happened before we got married I exposed all of this to his family and mine and they were pissed!! This caused me into a depression on top of the PPD I was already suffering from. This woman continued to send me emails and texts between them and that she was in love with him and that the last time he saw her was July 30th at a QFC to break things off with her as he wanted his family. I asked her kindly to stop contacting me and she refused claiming that she was in love with him and that I no longer had a right to him ( apparently this nut ball came to the hospital the day my son was born with flowers and balloons to meet me and him but my husband intercepted her) etc... She continued this badgering daily for about 1 week until my H went to get a RO on her (I let him back in so he can help out with our son) , she stalked my FB page trying to figure out places were I'd be and what I was doing, she even catfished me. All in all, this woman crushed me and she caused me to fear for my life and that of my son. I know ultimately this was my H fault as he chose to be in a relationship with her. Btw, we talked for days about this and he would say that it meant nothing and that she read too much into it and she knew he was in a relationship, and that he was overwhelmed with everything and couldn't talk to me, and talked to her only when we fought etc... To me it doesn't sound like that's all he said to her. Had I known what had happened before we got married, I would not have married him. I didn't see any warning signs (covered his tracks well). Now I am here, married to him and have our son. I am going to IC to heal and let go of the anger and resentment as it is not good for our son as he picks up on it and it's going well so far. H also begged for me to give it a year before making any decisions. He is willing to go to MC with me next week. But his very being, his very essence makes me sick. He makes my skin crawl, I refuse to have sex with him ( oh did I forget to mention that OW is 46 years old and just so disgusting to look at and not because I am jealous. She's just so ugly). I often wonder why he slept with such an ugly woman as he is very H and I'm not trying to be vain but I am not too bad on the eyes either. I have many admirers and now even more so. So all in all, TAM do you have any advice for me?? Will I ever be able to look at my H without hatred and resentment?? I don't know what to do. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you ( sorry for the long post, any misspelled words, and poor grammar)


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## rudenotginger

Did you ever make a decision ? I'm probably not the best person to answer this, considering the mess I've made in my life, but before that I would have said once a cheater, always a cheater... now I'm not so sure. I know that I would never repeat the mistakes i have made, so I think people can learn.... it kind of sounds like he needs IC, something is wrong there, and it sure doesn't sound like it's you.


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## citygirl4344

Well...I know what it feels like to have the OW email you with details of the relationship. This happened to me....and it was like I was stabbed in the stomach. I get what you were feeling all to well. 
I'm not a good person for giving advice here...I'm embroiled in my own issues that seem to keep popping up.
I read this and felt compelled to give support. 



Sent from my iPhone


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## SoulCrushed16

rudenotginger said:


> Did you ever make a decision ? I'm probably not the best person to answer this, considering the mess I've made in my life, but before that I would have said once a cheater, always a cheater... now I'm not so sure. I know that I would never repeat the mistakes i have made, so I think people can learn.... it kind of sounds like he needs IC, something is wrong there, and it sure doesn't sound like it's you.


Hi Rude,
I actually did a complete 180 from the other posts that I have read on TAM and let me tell you, it worked wonders. He was a complete cake eater, lacked remorse the whole 9 yards. I cried all the time and was deeply depressed ( went through PPD after our son was born). I came on TAM and started reading all of the threads on here, read the 180 and did it. Kicked his @ss out of my house, exposed the A to everyone including his friends and posted on the OW FB. 
I decided to go to IC to work on myself and be a better mom to my son and work out my PPD. I've been doing well. He decided all on his own that he wanted his family, asked for the therapist's number and is now attending IC and we are doing MC. I also let him know that I won't give him a second chance and it was something that he needed to earn.


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## SoulCrushed16

citygirl4344 said:


> Well...I know what it feels like to have the OW email you with details of the relationship. This happened to me....and it was like I was stabbed in the stomach. I get what you were feeling all to well.
> I'm not a good person for giving advice here...I'm embroiled in my own issues that seem to keep popping up.
> I read this and felt compelled to give support.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone


Hi Citygirl,
The OW was a like thorn in my @ss. Every morning there was an email with screen shots of messages to each other. Crushed my soul a little each time. She still wants to be with him ( apparently she fell in love with him) and let's it be known. It's quite sad really. He's embarrassed about it all. I'm just trying to not lose my sh1t. I've blocked her a number of 7x (she's 48 years old and plays these kinds of games) but she does have friends and they try to harass me.


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## GusPolinski

Just an FYI, but the absolute best way to block her number is to change yours (and your husband's).

If she manages to track you down after that... well, that's how you'll know someone (*cough* your husband!) is giving the number to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoulCrushed16

LOL! She's never had my number only his and he changed it. She stalks through social media with different user names. I don't know how many names I've had to block including her sons.


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## citygirl4344

The OW in my case ended up emailing me...an email that isn't really known to many so I have feeling they are closer to me than I think...
It's a work in progress in my house. 
I had copies of the messages and emails sent to me too...in some ways I was happy to know but it made me sick. 


Sent from my iPhone


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## SoulCrushed16

citygirl4344 said:


> The OW in my case ended up emailing me...an email that isn't really known to many so I have feeling they are closer to me than I think...
> It's a work in progress in my house.
> I had copies of the messages and emails sent to me too...in some ways I was happy to know but it made me sick.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone


I feel for you. It's like an arrow to the chest. Are you trying to work it out?


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## citygirl4344

SoulCrushed16 said:


> I feel for you. It's like an arrow to the chest. Are you trying to work it out?



Yes
It's a work in progress.
I love him more than I hate him. If that makes sense.
I know that many here if they hear my story would say give up on the marriage and I know he deserves that.
I just can't bring myself to do that.
Twisted lol.



Sent from my iPhone


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## SoulCrushed16

citygirl4344 said:


> SoulCrushed16 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I feel for you. It's like an arrow to the chest. Are you trying to work it out?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yes
> It's a work in progress.
> I love him more than I hate him. If that makes sense.
> I know that many here if they hear my story would say give up on the marriage and I know he deserves that.
> I just can't bring myself to do that.
> Twisted lol.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone
Click to expand...

Not twisted in the least as I am in the same exact boat as you. My heart is screaming at me to do one thing and my mind is screeching at me to do another. It's so incredibly difficult. I do wish our POS husbands would think about what their affairs will do to us before they do them.


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## citygirl4344

SoulCrushed16 said:


> Not twisted in the least as I am in the same exact boat as you. My heart is screaming at me to do one thing and my mind is screeching at me to do another. It's so incredibly difficult. I do wish our POS husbands would think about what their affairs will do to us before they do them.



Yes.
It is very difficult 
Don't be a stranger and check back in...nice to talk to someone in the same boat. 


Sent from my iPhone


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## SoulCrushed16

citygirl4344 said:


> SoulCrushed16 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Not twisted in the least as I am in the same exact boat as you. My heart is screaming at me to do one thing and my mind is screeching at me to do another. It's so incredibly difficult. I do wish our POS husbands would think about what their affairs will do to us before they do them.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yes.
> It is very difficult
> Don't be a stranger and check back in...nice to talk to someone in the same boat.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone
Click to expand...

Same to you.


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