# Over involved



## K8_astrophy (Feb 18, 2010)

My parents are over :scratchhead: in my life and my marriage. How do I change this without hurting their feelings?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Need more info. Ages, time married, kids, etc.


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## K8_astrophy (Feb 18, 2010)

We are in our 30's with 2 kids 2 1/2 years and 8 months. My husband has been around since we were kids, 15 years old. So I think it has been hard for them, even now with our own children, to see us as grown adults and capable of making our own decision. They stamp their feet like my toddler when they don't get what they want! They are very controlling and manipulative. But don't get me wrong it is all with the best intentions and they honestly love me and mean well its just . . . I want space to grown and create my own destiny


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you are in your 30s, then it is going to have to be you making the first move. It will be embarrassing, and awkward, but it will have to happen. You can say it with love: "Mom, you know I love you and appreciate all you guys do for us, but I feel like I'm missing out on getting to raise my kids on my own. I think I'm old enough now to 'get it' and make the right choices, don't you? So I appreciate what you think, but I'm going to do it my way this time."

And then say "I love you" and hang up. Or leave their house. If they come to your house, be ready to leave. "Mom, I'm sorry, but I told you I had plans today. We'll have to reschedule. Bye!" as you walk out the door with the kids.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

This is one I had to learn the hard way!!! The major thing I learned when my H and I got married ( he was 28 and I was 20) was that I can not vent anything to my parents. I can't vent about the kids being bad that day, or about anything without getting ridiculous amounts of unsolicited advice. So I save that for my girlfriends and tell my parents to trust me, when I need their help and input I will certainly ask them.

On a plus side for me, we are military and move anywhere but near my family, so coming over daily has never been an issue LOL.


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## K8_astrophy (Feb 18, 2010)

All good thoughts. I am terrible at telling my parents everything and therefore I am partly to blame. 

Thankyou for your suggestions.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

My sister has a habit of telling me how to raise my child (in front of my child - which increases the problem) We've just taken to saying - while you have your opinion - unfortunately you don't have a say in our household on how we raise our child. Just keep repeating that and hopefully they will get the point.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Or you could write it out in a card and hand it to them on your way out the door.


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