# No sex in 3 years



## Ghadd (May 17, 2013)

First, I apologize for this novel of a post. So many things have happened, and I just realized now I needed to talk about it with someone, or I was going to implode.

I met my husband 3 years ago. We hit it off right away. He has a head injury, and gets overwhelmed and stressed really easily, but I thought he was simply wonderful, regardless.

After a while came the topic of sex. He told me he just came out of a long term relationship, so he wanted to take things slowly. I made a point of not pressuring him, and letting him take the reign of intimacy. There was always a lot of kissing involved, and the touching got more and more intimate. But never to the point of sex.

Then, one time, we got a bit tipsy and started getting really intimate. He stopped, saying he wanted to be sober to really experience our first time. I was really really frustrated that night.
We had a talk later, about how he will often initiate things, but won't be able to actually do anything out of it. He told me that's how his brain works. He has attention problems, and he'll be horny a minute, but not the next. I told him I understood, that I'll cope and wait for him.

A few months later, we move in together and get married. Our new condo is above a warehouse, unbeknownst to us. Constant noise meant he couldn't sleep, and we were both very stressed out. After a year with him, all I had was some sexual contact, but never sex. He has been masturbating often. He said it was a very efficient way to de-stress. Me being present while he jerked off had the opposite effect, so I let him do his thing. 
As time went by, I was becoming frustrated. I tried my best not to let it show, because I know pressure would make it even more difficult for him.

After a year of that, we moved again. Unfortunately, both our new neighbors are extremely noisy, and his behavior continued. He kept taking time after I went to sleep to masturbate to porn, but he would hardly ever touch me. He said he was feeling worse and worse about it, that he has created a monster, and it was stressing him out even more.

Then, earlier this year, as I was on his computer, I found pictures of him having sex with his ex, taken in our home. Needless to say I was extremely upset. He told me it happened almost 6 months prior, and that it was only once. He was drunk with the ex, and it got out of hand. He told me he did it because he felt so stressed out about us and sex. He also said that the sex with the ex wasn't good, but it was familiar. They knew how to please each other, and he didn't have to worry about me.

I decided to try and forgive him. We worked things out, even though I'm still struggling to trust him. A month after I found out, we had sex. Full on sex. It didn't feel pressured, and was awesome. He promised more of it, and I was ecstatic. But it's been a few months, and no sex since. There's been several episodes of intense sexual contact, but he always ends up ending the moment, saying there's too much stress, that we need to get organized.

Recently, during a trip, he started texting me, and he was very flirty, and he said he wanted me very badly. He wished I was there with him.

Then he came home, and he found a rash on his penis (psoriasis, which he got in the past). So we didn't do anything. It's been 2 weeks, and I'm afraid to ask how it's doing, afraid that he'll give me another excuse. He compliments me often, says I'm attractive and that he wishes he was ok, so we could have sex. But besides what he says, nothing ever happens.

I'm scared that I'll find out he's sleeping with someone else again. Or that he' not interested in me anymore.


What do you think?
There's some details I left out for he sake of length, but I can clarify things if there's a need.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I think that is among the weirdest stories I've heard. 

I don't understand ... you married him and waited 3 years before having sex with him? You allowed that to happen, accepting excuse after excuse? You only had sex after you caught him cheating on you? How old are the two of you?


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

I can be understanding about a lot of things, but what he has done is just totally unforgivable in my opinion. I would just cut your losses and move on. I am so sorry this has happened to you and I hope you find happiness.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Wow if I go a week without sex with the wife I am climbing the walls. 

My thinking here if he is not having sex with you then it is with someone or something else.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

In this day and age---most people DO NOT BUY A CAR, UNTIL AFTER THEY TEST DRIVE IT, some don't till their wedding ight, but no one waits 3 yrs.

Your H, has sex with his ex---but not you---he has sex with himself several times a week

What is the matter with you---why would you stay with him---are you gonna beg him to have sex with you once every few years

The sex was probably hot and heavy---cuz you had forgotten what sex was like-

There are so many men out there---lots of them are fine mge material---don't spend the rest of your life mired in a mess like this

Demand he go to a sex therapist---and he sign a post--nup----or tell him D, is on the table IMMEDIATELY

You tell him your demands---quietly and calmly, do not allow, him to argue/discuss/back talk----tell him what HE WILL DO---if he wants to continue with this mge

He has justified cheating on you, with his lame excuse of he needed to have sex with ex----while you were there being frustrated---he just plain manipulated you

Make your demands----and tell him you are prepared to move on w/out him, if he won't do what is needed

Make sure you also make him accountable for the cheating---CUZ HE DID CHEAT, NO MATTER WHAT HE WANTS TO CALL IT---IT WAS CHEATING

Stand up for yourself


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