# Older man?



## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Would a relationship work with a partner who is 15-20 years older?

I guess that is too general of a question for anyone to answer. I seem to be meeting older men IRL and a couple of them I am attracted to, so is it a problem? I kind of like that 20 something year old children are not in the picture. I don't want to do online dating. Maybe these will just be friendships and that doesn't bother me at all either. Should I try it?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

What is your age?

I'm tempted to say hell yes!....but I'm an older man! LOL!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I'd say yes too. It's just a date. :smthumbup:


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> What is your age?
> 
> I'm tempted to say hell yes!....but I'm an older man! LOL!



:laugh:

I'm 55. My picture is in my profile. No harm to try, right? What might be some incompatibility issues?


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

I'm not into older men personally. I do know of a couple that got together at 30/50 and it was good, but now that it' 50/70 the age gap seems bigger but they're still ok. You're already there so if it doesn't bother you, go for it. I'd think the biggest issue would be meddling kids thinking you're a gold digger or if not that extreme, just a competitor to the eventual inheritance.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

LTCNurse said:


> :laugh:
> 
> I'm 55. My picture is in my profile. No harm to try, right? What might be some incompatibility issues?


If you are attracted to some men in the 70 to 75 range, dating could be fun but they could easily have some physical issues that might hamper physical activities like dancing.

There are some men who are still very virile at that age but not many.

Could be a blast if they are healthy and charming because experience is awesome!:grin2:


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

KrisAmiss said:


> I'm not into older men personally. I do know of a couple that got together at 30/50 and it was good, but now that it' 50/70 the age gap seems bigger but they're still ok. You're already there so if it doesn't bother you, go for it. I'd think the biggest issue would be meddling kids thinking you're a gold digger or if not that extreme, just a competitor to the eventual inheritance.


I would think the 30/50 would be more difficult! But, yeah, the inheritance thing I can see. I'm not out for that. I don't know if he has children, we haven't talked about that. He likes the EAGLES! lol I didn't expect to be talking about 70's music like it was still a thing.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> They could easily have some physical issues that might hamper physical activities.... like "dancing".



I took the liberty of changing your quote. haha


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

A few years ago, I went on several dates with a 68 year old man - so I was in my late 40s at the time.

He was a gymnast in college and a former FBI agent. Very attractive and in perfect shape/health. 

He was super sweet, but a tad on the effeminate side, which I just couldn't get past. So we stayed friends, and now he has a lovely girlfriend who's closer in age, and they seem very happy together.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

minimalME said:


> A few years ago, I went on several dates with a 68 year old man - so I was in my late 40s at the time.
> 
> He was a gymnast in college and a former FBI agent. Very attractive and in perfect shape/health.
> 
> He was super sweet, but a tad on the effeminate side, which I just couldn't get past. So we stayed friends, and now he has a lovely girlfriend who's closer in age, and they seem very happy together.



Hmm, he sounds nice, actually. (insert grin, emoticons not working). Tomorrow we are supposed to have a "date".


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

Well, not to be Debbie downer but I will leave you with the words of wisdom of my friend's grandmother who very quickly exited the dating scene. When asked what happened and why she abruptly stopped dating. Her response was, "Honey, all the men my age are looking for is a nurse and a purse!! No thanks!!" 
Lol😂😂


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Ms. GP said:


> "Honey, all the men my age are looking for is a nurse!! No thanks!!"
> Lol😂😂


Yeah, that is a concern. The nurse part that is.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

No problem at all for dating. If everyone is happy, then enjoy!!

If you are considering a long term relationship then its much more complicated as they will likely become old and feeble long before you will.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

I went on a lunch date and it was fun. For this particular person, I don't think the dating thing is going to work. I think we will be friends though. That doesn't exclude the possibility that I will go out with someone older again.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Sunsmiles- I feel like I just visited the twilight zone!

I hear you about your age difference with your husband but that was when you were both relatively young. This guy is slender, has hair, looks like he is in his 50's but I can't really explain how the concerns of everyday life are not "expanding" concerns. I mean, like life is mostly over in terms of exploring and more of a status quo thing. Do you know what I mean?


Interests are having someone to go out to eat with. He has vetoed concerts or football games, anything active like hiking. 


He talked about having a good career in the tech field and how it "treated him well" but as in past tense while my talk of career is present tense. I know there are active older men out there so I won't discount the possibility. I found him much less intense than men my age which was nice. Just relax and have fun.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In my experience, many women who date and marry much older men(20 years or so) have had father issues. Either their father died when they were young, or they didn't have a dad or their dad left them when they were a child. I think that its common for women in that position to seek affirmation from a father figure.

It often goes wrong when one is still only middle aged and still wanting to get out there and do things, and their spouse is elderly, tired and maybe has health issues. Also the older one will always most certainly die way earlier. 

I am SO glad that at 62 I am not married to a man in his 80's.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> In my experience, many women who date and marry much older men(20 years or so) have had father issues.


Bingo. Yes, I had sperm donor issues but I don't know if this factors in? I've never dated older before?


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

I woul like to meet a woman fifteen to years younger. I am 54. There for I woud select someone age 39 to 43 to have another child with. I want a family. I am a lot wiser, mature, a do-over. I can love better, listen better, provide better although I am poor as a church mouse, but I work hard and a lot. I would hope my mate at a younger age is wiser or equal to my knowledge what a relationship is about. I dream of a do-over, but I will leave that to God to lead me to that opportunity.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

I don't think so. I asked women in passing that age question. About 10 women. Age 25, age 33-45. The all said it the chemistry was there, yes; however, the women under 33 said there family would not like it. I guess if I am 75 and she is 60, I better be still a good lover because, I tell you. Women that age are still in their prime and hot to trot. I am divorced. I am 54 and my wife was 10 years older than I. But if I got a do-over and had another child, I think I would be blessed to have such a wonderful woman. I hope to live that long; however nothing is guranteed.

How does the divorce culture fit into the idea of younger/older relationships, marriage, living together and not married and/or having a child or not?


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Sunsmiles77 said:


> My second husband is 15 years older than me (56-41 are our ages and we married when I was 31 after a horrendously bad first marriage for me.) and I have never been happier.
> His level of maturity, commitment, trust, generosity and honesty is beyond anything I have ever experienced with any other man.
> At first, when I was in my twenties and he in his early forties, some friends made comments such as "when you're older he'll be much older and all I can say now is that "when he's older" so will I be and I will have a lifetime of wonderful memories with this great guy no matter our age difference!
> Love is love. Don't put numbers on it is my advice.


I woul like to meet a woman fifteen to years younger. I am 54. There for I woud select someone age 39 to 43 to have another child with. I want a family. I am a lot wiser, mature, a do-over. I can love better, listen better, provide better although I am poor as a church mouse, but I work hard and a lot. I would hope my mate at a younger age is wiser or equal to my knowledge what a relationship is about. I dream of a do-over, but I will leave that to God to lead me to that opportunity.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

OP, you are attracted to who you are attracted to. Stop worrying whether others think it could work. If you want it to work, you will figure it out.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Your profile states that you're separated. I don't know if it's a good idea to date if you're still married. Unless you both have that agreement while you're separated?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LTCNurse said:


> Bingo. Yes, I had sperm donor issues but I don't know if this factors in? I've never dated older before?


So you never knew your father?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sunsmiles77 said:


> My dad was Chinese and my mom is Filipino. Big age difference marriages are not at all uncommon in both cultures and they're usually very happy and loving ones. My dad was 15 years older than my mom and they had 4 kids and a great life together. I think it's more of an "American" thing with daddy issues (no offense I am an American btw, born here in California).


Well I am British and its amazing how many women I know who have been with much older men have father issues. 

For myself I have never seen the attraction of being with a man who would have been my fathers age. My husband is a year younger than me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Davidmidwest said:


> I woul like to meet a woman fifteen to years younger. I am 54. There for I woud select someone age 39 to 43 to have another child with. I want a family. I am a lot wiser, mature, a do-over. I can love better, listen better, provide better although I am poor as a church mouse, but I work hard and a lot. I would hope my mate at a younger age is wiser or equal to my knowledge what a relationship is about. I dream of a do-over, but I will leave that to God to lead me to that opportunity.



When I was on internet dating sites(Christian ones in my case) there were quite a few men in their 50's who wanted to meet women in their 30's to have children with. 2 years later they were still there, 2 years older, because the fact is that most women in their 30's just aren't interested in men of their fathers age or near their fathers age. Had they been realistic and looked for women their own age I am sure that they would have met a nice lady and been happy, especially as there are always more available women in the church than men.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

They can obviously work, but of course it depends on the individuals and circumstances of the relationship. I've been in a medium-term relationship of this type with a much larger age difference, and I know of several successful and ongoing relationships with varying age differences. I've also seen some fail, but then, that's usually not specifically due to the age difference, but to the normal issues relationships may face.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Sunsmiles77 said:


> Has he been married before?



Yes, twice


Sunsmiles77 said:


> Does he have kids?



Stepchildren, but he is close enough with them that he talked about their current events and where they were in life.





Sunsmiles77 said:


> This guy sounds like an introvert type, doesn't like concerts (even of his favorite type of music?) or sporting events, so maybe it's not so much his age as the personality difference?



He does like music and sports but he feels like he is not physically up to crowds and getting to seats ok.





Sunsmiles77 said:


> he was still functioning very well,


I don't believe that is going to be the case here!



He is outgoing but not overbearing. He didn't talk over me ever at lunch. He opened the car door for me (every door actually) and paid for lunch. He was a professional in his career (tech field) is intelligent, polite and kinda lonely. I wouldn't totally discount the possibility but probably just going to be a friend and that's cool, too.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

*Deidre* said:


> Your profile states that you're separated. I don't know if it's a good idea to date if you're still married. Unless you both have that agreement while you're separated?




It has been over a year, papers are filed and signed but not recorded yet. I guess until I officially hear from my attorney that they are signed by a judge and recorded, I am still married.


But yeah, probably too early for anything but a friendship. The ex really messed with my head/emotions. I doubt I will ever let myself be that vulnerable again but not completely closed to the idea.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> So you never knew your father?



Unfortunately I did.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

LTCNurse said:


> Would a relationship work with a partner who is 15-20 years older?



Well, after all, 26 year-old Anna Nicole Smith married 89 year-old J. Howard Marshall, and she said she was deep IN LOVE!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Nicole_Smith


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

:smile2:

Some men never grow up or old.....mentally.

None of my headmates have gray hair.

However, I was old mentally when young!

Now?

My mind is behind the fate ball.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> When I was on internet dating sites(Christian ones in my case) there were quite a few men in their 50's who wanted to meet women in their 30's to have children with. 2 years later they were still there, 2 years older, because the fact is that most women in their 30's just aren't interested in men of their fathers age or near their fathers age. Had they been realistic and looked for women their own age I am sure that they would have met a nice lady and been happy, especially as there are always more available women in the church than men.


Ah, yes.....

It is precisely the women 'their' age that they are fleeing from.

They want to recapture some lost youth.
They want to recapture some sense of balance.

Unfortunately, Ach!, one does not always get want one wants.
More so, one seems to get that what one deserves.

That which you deserve is delivered, stark, not gift wrapped.
All without one's conscious vote.

Received, with one's bad choices laid bare, made so evident.

Trying to turn back the clock on a clock already rung, it ringing out bad dreams. 

No! 

Bing-bonging one's reality.
Sounding muffled screams of woe. 
Joining others in some macabre chorus.

One's mate, doth becomes one's fate accompli'


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> Bing-bonging one's reality.


:grin2:


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

Compatibility is probably the biggest thing you need whether it be a friend or more. As many people have said in many forums, age is just a number and I truly believe that. I’m 67 and that darn 16 yo comes out at the worst times lol. That being said, friends are always good to have regardless of their age and once you determine whether you are compatible or more, make the decision. And yes I have had both friends and more who were much younger.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Age gap relationships are fine, until the older person becomes too weak or ill. Of course, this can happen even if you're both the same age - someone can sustain a debilitating injury or illness at any time, and you have to deal with it. However, with a significant age gap, it's _almost_ certain that the older person will decline at some point. It may seem years off, and often is - but, it will _probably_ happen. How do you deal with a near inevitability?

I would be reluctant to get serious with someone much younger for this reason, because I don't want to be a burden in the future when they would still have a great deal of life to live fully and vibrantly. When you're both relatively young, it can work, easily and well - but permanent relationships (a.k.a. marriage) eventually leads to these risks, and very difficult decisions.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It would be completely dumb for you to date a 70-75yr. old man when you're 55. Why?

Well, for one thing, the average life span for an American male is about 74 from what I've seen. 

2: Highly unlikely there'd be much sexual activity (you might like that, I don't know)

3: WHY? there are lots of 55 yr. old guys or close. What's the point?

Why won't anyone tell you that it's idiotic? Geez. I don't get it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A question... @LTCNurse


One that tickles my ever thinking, oft thoughtful queries. 

LTC....
As in Lt. Colonel?

If so:
Active or Reserve?


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## dutiful (Apr 1, 2017)

long term care


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Licensed To Carry?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-term_care


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LTCNurse said:


> It has been over a year, papers are filed and signed but not recorded yet. I guess until I officially hear from my attorney that they are signed by a judge and recorded, I am still married.
> 
> 
> But yeah, probably too early for anything but a friendship. The ex really messed with my head/emotions. I doubt I will ever let myself be that vulnerable again but not completely closed to the idea.


Okay, thanks for explaining. I was like? lol If you're ready to date, date. Friendships could be nice too.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

LTCNurse said:


> Would a relationship work with a partner who is 15-20 years older?
> 
> I guess that is too general of a question for anyone to answer. I seem to be meeting older men IRL and a couple of them I am attracted to, so is it a problem? I kind of like that 20 something year old children are not in the picture. I don't want to do online dating. Maybe these will just be friendships and that doesn't bother me at all either. Should I try it?


Hi,
I asked the same question.Would a younger woman work for me for do over for famlly I am 54. the vote is no, are you crazy.
Everyone said no for aging, medical, libido etc. The audience said maybe the 15-20 year old difference would be no baggage, superfit mind and body and full on money, and is extraordinary handsome...
Don't do it.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

LTCNurse said:


> Would a relationship work with a partner who is 15-20 years older?
> 
> I guess that is too general of a question for anyone to answer. I seem to be meeting older men IRL and a couple of them I am attracted to, so is it a problem? I kind of like that 20 something year old children are not in the picture. I don't want to do online dating. Maybe these will just be friendships and that doesn't bother me at all either. Should I try it?


I've dated 20 years older (when I was 35) and 20 years younger (when I was 43). If you can't find a whole lot to have in common with people of many generations, then you're kind of parochial - or at least, I feel I'd be.

Current GF is not quite young enough to be my daughter, but at 60 and 45 it's nothing like it would be if it were 35 and 20. I have kept myself healthy and women my age don't have my energy and stamina. In fact, said 45 year old doesn't have my stamina, and none of her same-age friends do, either. I keep up with her two teenage boys just fine. She, on the other hand, has had enough of same-age men who are nowhere near her level of emotional and intellectual maturity.

Calendar age really isn't all that important.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> It would be completely dumb for you to date a 70-75yr. old man when you're 55. Why?
> 
> Well, for one thing, the average life span for an American male is about 74 from what I've seen.
> 
> ...


This made me laugh.

Well...I decided that dating someone at the end of his life is not very smart (see above) but also, I think it is me "checking out" from a real relationship possibility. Either I will remain single the rest of my life (quite possible) or I will find the courage to try again. No reason to raise any 70 something's expectations as any more than friends.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

LTCNurse said:


> This made me laugh.
> 
> Well...I decided that dating someone at the end of his life is not very smart (see above) but also, I think it is me "checking out" from a real relationship possibility. Either I will remain single the rest of my life (quite possible) or I will find the courage to try again. No reason to raise any 70 something's expectations as any more than friends.


It seems he's only interested in a dinner companion, anyway. You can do dinner as friends


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

LTCNurse said:


> I took the liberty of changing your quote. haha


*"Bed Dancing" can certainly be a lot of fun with the right woman!*


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

LTCNurse said:


> :laugh:
> 
> I'm 55. My picture is in my profile. No harm to try, right? What might be some incompatibility issues?


You've probably heard or thought of issues like common interests, physical appearance, etc. And the below doesn't matter much if the relationship is on the casual side. But, having a younger GF I've realized there are practical issues with an age gap if you have a serious relationship / marry:

* What is his financial situation (he'll be retired or close to it - unless he has assets he'll struggle financially and that will be your problem too)? What if he gets sick and runs up medical bills? If he needs lots of care, who provides that?

* If you still plan to work another 8 - 10 years, what are his thoughts on retiring well before you?

* He would almost certainly pass before you. Are you okay knowing that?

It sounds morbid, but the older partner needs to plan for leaving the younger one behind with a significant age gap. My GF and I are at the stage where these questions are relevant. I could not partner with her unless I could see that she wouldn't struggle after I was gone (especially if she has to interrupt her career to care for me). And I'd not be with anyone who I felt would not stick around during the tough times.


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## Bellagumby (Jun 15, 2018)

When I was younger that was a Hell yes! Now I am looking into the younger direction


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## MZMEE (Apr 17, 2018)

My husband is 15 years older than me. It can work.

You just have to think into the future too. Think about the things that will change and are you ready for it. Think about health issues, financial issues and mindsets. 

All in all age is just a number when it comes to maturity and mindsets. I know 30 year olds who act older than a 55 year old. So explore the mindset of the person. Accept that there will be some things you won't connect on and all his friends may be older than you (and yours younger than you) so when you do social events it can feel awkward. You both have to accept it.

So my biggest recommendation is for you to think beyond today and prepare for when things change in the future too. If you are compatible in mindsets...you will do just fine. I have ALWAYS dated older men. But 15 years is the most distance. Prior to him I had someone 9 years older and 12 years older. So far no major issues because they were all young in spirit.


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