# Confused



## dontunderstand (Mar 11, 2011)

My husband of 12 years has been cheating on me for 1 1/2 and the affair produced an outside child. I just found out 3 months ago and I cry all the time.

We have 2 children together and I have to hold it together for them. I am so confused about if I should try to make it work or let him go. He is so double minded. He says he wants to make it work but I don't think he does. We have tried counseling, but even our counselor seems confused when he is talking during the sessions. 

How do I begin to let go when this is the only person I have been with in my adult life. We have not been able to go more than 2 days without a disagreement. This disagreement is usually when I ask a question about the baby mama. I am so confused. When we are with the kids its like old times we laugh and have a good time. I wonder if I initiate the divorce am I doing the right thing for my kids. To see their faces when we do family things breaks my heart even more. 

But how do you rebuild trust? The fact that there is a baby puts a another layer to the issues.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Let him go. Why would you accept such humiliation that he purposely did to you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I say divorce him, get custody of the kids and rake him for all he's worth.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

Unprotected sex with another person. Deal breaker.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Am I understanding correctly? He is still seeing the OW and going to marriage counseling? No wonder everyone is confused.:scratchhead:


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I didn't get the impression that the OW was still involved. It sounds like when she brings up the OW, they start arguing.

My marriage counselor told my wife and I that counseling wasn't to help us decide whether we wanted to work on saving our marriage. It was to actually try. Both of us had to be on board.

If H isn't ready to work to save the marriage, then divorce is probable. If he is, and you are, then continue to go to marriage counseling. What you don't want to do is to put yourself and the kids through a divorce unless you have tried everything you can to avoid it.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

dontunderstand said:


> has been cheating on me for 1 1/2 and the affair produced an outside child.


This sounds past and current to me. I'm not seeing "was cheating". We need clarification from OP.......


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Well this is yet another point of the three step process i push so hard for people to understand...

Strong state of mind - Make a decision - Every action you take afterward, honors that decision.

When you do enter a clear state of mind.. you will have lots of questions to ask yourself, but the one above all is realizing the total picture here.

This woman, is forever going to be in your life. You are going to be a step-mom. (congrats?) Your husband could very well be an active part of this child's life. And at minimal, he will be paying child support from your family fund for the next 18+ years. 

That is the total picture. How do you feel about that? Can you accept that? 

Even if you leave, Your kids now have a new baby brother/sister. They will not want to be cut out of his life.. after all the baby didn't do anything wrong here. 

I am not saying this to freak you out.. I am saying this because these are REAL factors that you really may not have addressed yet.

God forbid that I ever find myself in your shoes, but If i did.. I would probably just call this woman, and go to lunch with her. Why? because no matter what... your kids... your husband.. no matter what... this lady is gonna be around a while. Who knows, maybe when you guys meet, she will see you as a good soul, and try to help you through this. I am sure she didn't plan on having a baby with a married man. If she is married... then I regretfully refer you to Mr. Springer... Jerry that is.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am sorry to hear this happened to you. My advice would be to let him go.


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