# I'm lost, help me find a way out!



## shyla (Nov 19, 2009)

I have been married for 10 years now. We have a 3 years old daughter. My husband has not work for the last 5 years. I been supporting our family even before my daughter was born. I work my ass out even I am pregnant; work late night while my husband stayed at home doing nothing. When my daughter was born, he took care of her until I put her to school. Now she’s 3 and going to school everyday my husbands still no job. Whenever I make an issue of him not supporting us he blames me that the reason he is not working because he didn’t have a chance to look for a job because, I used his car to go to work and that he took care of our child. He’s now looking for a job but no luck; in the mean time I support us. We bought a house over a year a go with the help of his parents; even now they are the one paying for the mortgage and of course I pay all the bill. My husband claim that even he don’t have to work his contribution is his parents payment for the house, he claims he is giving me a place to live. By the way my husband is an alcoholic and he is verbally abusing me. 

I have a very unhappy married life. There comes a time I thought of leaving my husband ask for divorce and raise my child alone, I never did. I am an immigrant, I have no family here and was raised with good value and very family oriented. 

One day I seek solace on the internet, I met a guy and fall in love with him. He said he loves me and my child. He asked me to move in with him but I can’t. I left my home for a week and tried to live with him. This guy has so many lies that I discovered but I blindedly loving him. I went back home and still living with my husband. He didn’t know of my infidelity, he knows I left because of him. Truthfully I did and I am trying to amend it, but I don’t love him anymore, I love this other guy whom I can’t leave. We continued contacting each other and he’s hoping that I will leave my husband eventually and move in with him permanently. He wanted to marry me and have children together. It’s hard because I love this guy but something holding me back to have a life with him, I don’t love my husband but I can’t leave him – I don’t know maybe because he’s the only companion I know for the last 10 years. 

I would like for our marriage to work for the sake of my daughter, maybe the spark will come back once we tried again. The hold back is this other guy, I tried to forget him but it’s hard, he’s like a drug that I can’t stop taking or a smoke that hard to quit. Whenever I don’t talk to him I feel like I am in mourning stage. Whenever I look at my husband and try to figure out my feeling for him this guy keep popping out. It’s just hard!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It will be very hard for the spark to come back with your husband if he continues to drink and verbally abuse you. Not helping to support the family isn't helping either.

Internet guy is bad all the way around...this may not be clear to you since you are living it, but already uncovering lies and still wanting to be with him tells me you are ready to run right into a situation that will be very much like your current marriage based on what you've said.

If your husband refuses to get help for himself and stop the verbal abuse, I would recommend being on your own with your daughter. Forget the other man...learn to be proud of the hard-working mom you are and let that be enough...until some day you meet someone worthy of you.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

You need to stop the affair immediately. If your husband can't seek help for his problems...then tell him his parents will be paying on a house he can't live in.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

It sounds like you both have serious problems. While drinking is certainly a problem, infidelity, in my opinion, is just as bad or worse. Besides, it sounds as if the other man is no better. Even if the Other Man were perfect, it is still WRONG! Stop cheating on your husband and get a divorce before starting another relationship, for your child and everyone else's sake.


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## crazybunnie25 (Nov 18, 2009)

I agree with Swedish "Forget the other man...learn to be proud of the hard-working mom you are and let that be enough...until some day you meet someone worthy of you."

Also agree with Foolz1 "sounds like you both have serious problems. While drinking is certainly a problem, infidelity, in my opinion, is just as bad or worse. Besides, it sounds as if the other man is no better. Even if the Other Man were perfect, it is still WRONG! Stop cheating on your husband"

You need to approach your husband about his problems and tell him he needs to get help or the relationship between you two is going to end horribly.
If you have to, talk to his parents. Open up to them. They are by the way your parents too.

Its hard to ask for help, but you have to, if you want things to change.

As for your other man. I know the feeling of wanting someone who can say things to make you feel like you are on top of the world. A drug you can not stop doing.
BUT YOU MUST STOP!
Occupy your time with your daughter if you have to. When he pops in your head, think about your daughter. I'm sure she doesn't want mommy and daddy to fight and split. 

Find other things to do, but get away from the other man.

If you can't think of anything else to do, I'm sure everyone here can help you on what to do to stop thinking about the other man.


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