# I am devasted



## in_disbelief (Nov 29, 2010)

*I am devastated*

So, I have noticed my boyfriend signing into a yahoo account he doesn't know I know about. I knew something was up. So now I reset the password for that secret account and sure enough, he has been replying to Craiglists ads again and talking dirty online to women and who knows what else. He sent out pics of his penis again. I am furious, hurt,... I am shaking. 
I haven't read through all of that [email protected] yet but I will do. I tried to phone him but his phone is off... good for him, because I don't know what I would have said.
He said he likes to have sex with me but needs more and that he has sexual frustrations to one of this "ladies". I can't believe how stupid I was to think he wouldn't do it again. 
Now, what do I do?
It looks like he is friends with a woman and he sent her my pic, she said I am pretty and he said it too... how could he send her my pics? At least he hasn't been badmouthing me, but why is he doing this to me? I can't believe it, really. 
If I bring it out, he is gonna know I broke into his account he thinks I don't know it exists and he is gonna make me feel a control freak. I was right when I decided to snoop once more, he is an [email protected]@hole


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## carolinadreams (Nov 30, 2012)

You aren't married, if you don't have children and a house together cut your ties. There are men out there who can be faithful, no need to do the repair work on one who cant.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Some guys are like this and some aren't.

Bust him and leave him. 

Leave him to his addictions and go find someone who has some respect for you.


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## lostalone11 (May 9, 2013)

I am in the same boat as you, however a little different.

My husband has done it multiple times, too many to count... god knows how many I don't know about. If he is replying to ads now, I would confront him and leave. If you're not married, it should be fairly easy. I would get out before you become obligated to him.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i agree with all the above get out NOW if not sooner.


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## in_disbelief (Nov 29, 2010)

I am talking to him. He said he couldn't care less about what I will do. I asked him if he loves me he said yes, but he can't explain.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Are you two married?

Scratch that...

Leave and run as far away as you can...I'll explain why


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

in_disbelief said:


> I am talking to him. He said he couldn't care less about what I will do.


I would say this is your cue to exit, stage right.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

If he's doing this already in your R, then he's going to do it again and again and again until you become numb. Even if you get married, he'll do it. And all the more fun for him, because he'll feel more strapped down. Serial cheaters are like stallions. They are hard to break. 

He's saying you're not giving him enough sex...that's just what cheaters say to justify cheating. Don't believe him. He's trying to find excuses to do what he's been doing.

He sent out your pic, because he's twisted and probably found a girl who is willing to have a threesome. They probably play off of that together. It might also be making him feel like he's not cheating because he's "involving" you.

You aren't married, and that's a blessing. Take this as a sign for things to come. And take this as a sign to leave. Do you have kids together?


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## in_disbelief (Nov 29, 2010)

No, we don't have kids. No, he wasn't talking dirty with that particular woman. He says in one of the emails he is getting it from me but wants more and doesn't understand why, he talks about sexual addiction.

EDIT: He was acting like the angry one... asking me why I have been spying on him


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## in_disbelief (Nov 29, 2010)

"sorry for not being as fvcking perfect as you are" he just told me.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

in_disbelief said:


> "sorry for not being as fvcking perfect as you are" he just told me.


What made him feel he had to say that?


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## in_disbelief (Nov 29, 2010)

Because I said he should at least say he's sorry, since, unlike the first time he did that and I confronted him, he hadn't. 
I gave him a nice reply now, I think so anyway, I said it's not about being perfect, it's about having some respect for the person you say you love and I added he doesn't give a damn about how I fvcking feel and that I can swear too if I want.

EDIT: he said "don't patronise me", and "pack your bags and go".


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

You have to start getting comfortable with leaving your BF. This is only going to get worse. He has no remorse, he's blameshifting, justifying, he claims he has an addiction (which means, "sorry hun, this isn't going to end because it's an addiction"), he's being a jerk.

Call his bluff and leave. Don't look back. If you do, he will go back to his bad behaviour. He's definitely a serial cheater. 

Don't let him get you pregnant


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

No remorse and acting like a complete selfish a$$. Cut your losses and thank him for his suggestions. Bail as soon as you can. You will be better off in the end.

Do you have somewhere you can go now? If not, can you start planning? You need not inform him of your plans in advance.

Good luck, no one deserves that kind of BS.

WD


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> If he's doing this already in your R, then he's going to do it again and again and again until you become numb. Even if you get married, he'll do it. And all the more fun for him, because he'll feel more strapped down. Serial cheaters are like stallions. They are hard to break.
> 
> He's saying you're not giving him enough sex...that's just what cheaters say to justify cheating. Don't believe him. He's trying to find excuses to do what he's been doing.
> 
> ...


I couldn't agree with this more!


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

workindad said:


> No remorse and acting like a complete selfish a$$. Cut your losses and thank him for his suggestions. Bail as soon as you can. You will be better off in the end.
> 
> Do you have somewhere you can go now? If not, can you start planning? You need not inform him of your plans in advance.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Leave him. He is not worthy of even one more minute of your time.*


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Dump!!!!!!!


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> Dump!!!!!!!


Never has so much been said, with so few words, by just one.

(with apologies to Winston Churchill)


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Don't waste another minute on the selfish bastard! Just leave, and never, ever look back. Don't talk to him again, there's nothing to say.


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## scorp79 (Apr 25, 2013)

in_disbelief

This guy appears to have no respect for you and is wrapped up in fantasy land. I truly hope one day he relises what he let go.
Learn from this relationship and avoid this type of guy in future.

Be strong and trust your instincts. Deep down you know whats right/acceptable. Do not let him use you.


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## in_disbelief (Nov 29, 2010)

I don't have anywhere to go and have almost no money 
We are in the UK. He came home this morning after his night shift at work and is currently sleeping on the sofa. He hasn't had the courage to come in the bedroom and face me. 
He had sent me a couple of texts saying that he's sorry and that sorry is all he can say but I had stopped replying at that point. 
I can't believe the arrogance he showed when confronted. He went back on that Craigslist practically right after I caught him the first time and has been sending emails almost every day. He thinks he is smarter than me... I would have probably found out months ago if I had reset his password earlier. 
I did tell him by text I know he's been downloading hentai and erotic games... he said ok. 
I haven't spoken to him in person yet, I bet he will abuse me verbally. How he can think he loves me is beyond me... I am probably just a maid for hm that he can get to bed. I asked him what his sexual frustrations were and he said he didn't wanna talk about it.
I asked how would he feel if I were doing what he's being doing? He doesn't know.


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## HusbandX (Jul 13, 2012)

I could be going out on a limb here by saying it sounds like he has quite low self-esteem. 

Some guys like porn for sexual gratification if they have a higher sexual drive than their wife, and some wives are fine about this, but some find porn entirely unacceptable and a form of betrayal. 

Of course, it's an entirely different matter when you're socially interacting with another person though and talking in a sexually inappropriate way and sharing photos you wouldn't want your gran seeing! But this could be his way of building up his sexual confidence about himself which porn doesn't provide. This clearly doesn't make it right!

As others have said, you're in a prime position to leave and not look back with no physical ties. I appreciate you have nowhere to go, but he's the one who has been deceitful and needs to put things right.

What is your housing/work arrangement? Do you rent together or have a mortgage? Do you both work, have you your own finances and account or a joint account?

In an ideal world, what would you WANT to happen next. Are you still hoping you can fix things, or are you done with him but feel you're stuck with him due to circumstance?


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## in_disbelief (Nov 29, 2010)

I done something stupid and tried to cut my arm with a knife. I think I wanted to die. I have some long scratches now on it. 
We are renting. We are both on the tenancy agreement but he pays the rent and the landlord knows he is the one paying it. I have just started working as a freelancer from home but it's very little money. 
I went back and read more of the thousands of emails he sent and in one of them he is talking to a 16-year-old, scat cyber sex too and in another one he is speaking to this Brandy; she asks if he would ditch me for her and the bastard says yes, she's hot. Then he says I am not too bad and that I am mean in bed. She says she is sure she is better. They exchanged 3-4 emails so it's not like he knew this Brandy. That's when I had to get the knife. I can't even cry, I am too shocked.
Right now I hate him. I don't think he is gonna do anything about it, he thinks that he apologizes then everything has to go back to normal. I was hurt by his cold reaction as well... and that is the man that once told me I can't find anybody that loves me more than he does.
We have sex often and he says it himself I always wanna do it, so he's not looking elsewhere because his needs aren't met and he has a higher sex drive. He is just an [email protected]@hole.


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## HusbandX (Jul 13, 2012)

Hi, you say you're in the UK? I really think you need to talk to someone about this ASAP. Please find the strength to call the Samaritans and talk to someone today. Inflicting any sort of harm on yourself clearly has to stop, and if you genuinely feel you have suicidal feelings you need to get real help with this as soon as possible.

I'm not equipped to assist with such an issue, and I really hope someone else can come along and offer some more immediate assistance, but you have to make it a priority to speak to someone immediately!


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

in_disbelief said:


> So, I have noticed my boyfriend signing into a yahoo account he doesn't know I know about. I knew something was up. So now I reset the password for that secret account and sure enough, he has been replying to Craiglists ads again and talking dirty online to women and who knows what else. He sent out pics of his penis again. I am furious, hurt,... I am shaking.
> I haven't read through all of that [email protected] yet but I will do. I tried to phone him but his phone is off... good for him, because I don't know what I would have said.
> He said he likes to have sex with me but needs more and that he has sexual frustrations to one of this "ladies". I can't believe how stupid I was to think he wouldn't do it again.
> Now, what do I do?
> ...


Disbelief,

Hold your head high and walk away from this guy. Be strong and don't look back. You can do much better than this ... respect yourself!!!


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