# Ex-wife says she misses me, wants to meet for a drink



## maincourse99

So, a week ago ex-wife insists on getting together in person to discuss a child issue. We haven't spoken in person for months, and told her can't we text or talk on the phone? She insists so I let her come over and we sit outside and talk.

After we resolve the issue with D13, she starts asking me how I'm doing, what's going on with friends and family etc. and she tells me some of what's going on with her.

She complains about POSOM alcoholism, that he left for a while but came back, and that she wishes she could live by herself. Then she asks if I think we could ever be friends, maybe go out once in a while since she says she has no friends and spends most evenings alone. 

Says she misses me, looks at the house and says that with our combined income, we could live well, but that working 40 hours a week is killing her. I was non-committal. It's been 2 years, and I'm feeling much better, but part of me is interested in listening to her, I guess I still have the desire for answers. It's crazy to still want to put the puzzle of why and how together, much less of a desire to do it than a year or two ago, but still there nonetheless. Oh, and she tossed in this unsolicited comment "I don't know if I could ever be intimate with you again". Join the club.


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## Squeakr

You situation is my exact fear. That since i have no closure nor full answers that years down the road there is always going to be that void that seems to remain unsatisfied/ unfulfilled, not that I will want to get back together (as once I am out I am out for good).


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## PBear

Go buy yourself a really nice t-shirt (maybe a couple, cause you'll be wearing them often). And have "Plan B" printed on the back...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jb02157

If I'm out, I stay out for good no matter what the consequences.


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## Truthseeker1

maincourse99 said:


> So, a week ago ex-wife insists on getting together in person to discuss a child issue. We haven't spoken in person for months, and told her can't we text or talk on the phone? She insists so I let her come over and we sit outside and talk.
> 
> After we resolve the issue with D13, she starts asking me how I'm doing, what's going on with friends and family etc. and she tells me some of what's going on with her.
> 
> She complains about POSOM alcoholism, that he left for a while but came back, and that she wishes she could live by herself. Then she asks if I think we could ever be friends, maybe go out once in a while since she says she has no friends and spends most evenings alone.
> 
> Says she misses me, looks at the house and says that with our combined income, we could live well, but that working 40 hours a week is killing her. I was non-committal. It's been 2 years, and I'm feeling much better, but part of me is interested in listening to her, I guess I still have the desire for answers. It's crazy to still want to put the puzzle of why and how together, much less of a desire to do it than a year or two ago, but still there nonetheless. Oh, and she tossed in this unsolicited comment *"I don't know if I could ever be intimate with you again". *Join the club.


WTF? :scratchhead: Do not walk but RUN and run fast....tell her in no uncertain terms any and all conversations are to be about your daughter and your daughter only..preferably by text or email...she has earned every ounce of her misery now let her stew in it...


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## badmemory

I don't know (or remember) your story, but assuming you were the one who gave her the consequence of divorce - then being with her again is just a personal decision on your part.

Maybe not a wise decision to do it, but yours to make none the less.

If she left you for the POSOM - no way.


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## michzz

You will never get closure from her.

All you will get is used.

Listening to her complain about the guy she cheated with?

No effing way!

Hope you didn't pick up the check for dinner.

Stick to kid issues.

Find new women to socialize with.

Too bad she is lonely.


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## bandit.45

She was following a whim. Ignore it and everything she said. Tell her D means D, and there is no going back. Tell her you don't keep friends who cheat on you and stab you in the back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

Do you want to meet her for a drink? You didn't say.

If you do, go. If you don't, don't.


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## lewmin

Okay, I read parts of your story.

Your wife traded way down. (by the way, 95% of the affairs on here, the cheater trades way down, don't they?). So, she finds out he is really everything that the POSOM's ex-wife told you is true. I wouldn't waste my time.

Now if you lost out to George Clooney, maybe that's one thing. But you lost out ..wait...your wife lost out to a train wreck. You just need to find someone who is right for you and loyal, and you wouldn't be here asking this question.


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## GusPolinski

"I want to come back so that I don't have to continue working full-time. Don't get your hopes up regarding sex, though."

Dude. No. Just... No.

Take a look at this...

"Was married to a *serial cheater*, healing and moving on."

I borrowed that from your profile.

WAKE UP!!!


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## hopefulgirl

My cynical side says watch out - she wants financial security and in exchange you could get some crumbs of information that may or may not (more likely not) help you heal. Not much of a bargain for you.

But from a kinder, gentler perspective, it's clear that you're both still hurting from her infidelity. The problem is that what you will get if you have a few "talks" with her is very unlikely to be helpful to you. 

Without professional guidance, her ego is going to be making sure she is protecting herself, and she won't be in it to help YOU heal. So she's not going to be brutally honest about the contributing factors that started her down that road. She'll almost certainly name problems in the marriage, and THAT had NOTHING to do with her infidelity, though she would probably like you to think so. While you're still trying to recover, you don't need to be hearing any of that from an EX-spouse. If you were in R, it would be different - marital problems that existed prior to the affair COULD come up at some point during R, though she would have to be very CLEAR about how her cheating was ALL ABOUT HER and not about marital problems!! An ex-wife is not likely to be clear about that!!

And you just don't need to be dealing with any finger pointing from her at this stage of your healing.

Any questions you have will probably get unsatisfactory answers from her, and it could set you back. Unless she's left him, she hasn't owned the mistake yet! True remorse would be dumping him, wouldn't it? Sneaking around behind his back to talk smack about him to you is more of the same behavior, isn't it? When is she going to "live in the light" and say for all the world to see that she did a bad thing? Not now, obviously.

You couldn't go into counseling with this woman while she's still with the OM, and talking with her about these loaded issues without professional help would be a mistake. And she won't dump him unless you'll agree to take her back. Yep, you're Plan B. And with roommate status at that. 

The "answers" you'd get from her would not be worth your time and trouble, and might make you feel worse than you do now. You'll heal better without them. She's still in the middle of the mess she made, and doesn't have enough insight to be able to give you any information that would really be helpful to healing either one of you. Keep doing what you're doing, and it'll get better. But don't count on her to "help" you.


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## bandit.45

OP your ex is nuts. Plain nuts. That's reason enough to ignore her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crankinfinity

GusPolinski said:


> "I want to come back so that I don't have to continue working full-time. Don't get your hopes up regarding sex, though."


This couldn't be said any better.

She sounds personality disordered. Foot on the gas in the other direction, brother.


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## Mostlycontent

To me, this situation is just too funny. She's got the worst sales pitch I think I've ever heard. 

"Please consider taking me back so that I won't have to work anymore and oh, by the way, I'm not going to have sex with you either". :rofl:

What exactly is the benefit for you here? I'll hang up and listen.


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## CASE_Sensitive

Sounds like Plan A ain't working out for her, better investigate Plan B options.


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## Foghorn

You'll never get the answers you seek. You'll only get the h0r4esh1t she thinks up to feed you, so that she can hoover you back in.

Listening to her whine, complain, pi$$ and moan was a privilege of marriage that she deferred when you guys broke up. If she wants to complain to someone, let her pay a counselor.

Yes, it sucks to have to work a full-time job to support herself. Boo-hoo-hoo, should have thought of that before she left you.

*dusts off hands*


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## vi_bride04

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Sounds like Plan A ain't working out for her, better investigate Plan B options.


:iagree:

So the grass isn't greener and she is fishing to see if she can rope you back in.

Run away.


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## Openminded

You will never get the answers you want. Just whatever story she decides to spin for you as she tries to convince you Plan B is the same as Plan A.


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## tom67

Take me back but I won't have sex with you?
:scratchhead::scratchhead:
Ah thanks but no thanks and good luck with the alcoholic.
Good grief!!


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## maincourse99

_The "answers" you'd get from her would not be worth your time and trouble, and might make you feel worse than you do now. You'll heal better without them. She's still in the middle of the mess she made, and doesn't have enough insight to be able to give you any information that would really be helpful to healing either one of you. Keep doing what you're doing, and it'll get better. But don't count on her to "help" you._

All of your responses are exactly what I expected, and are right on target. Oddly enough, this conversation happened a week after a friend offered to introduce me to a single woman who sounds great and I was actually excited (for the first time in 2 years) to meet her. I will take to heart all of your advice and soldier on in the direction I was headed.


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## ArmyofJuan

maincourse99 said:


> She complains about POSOM alcoholism, that he left for a while but came back, and that she wishes she could live by herself. Then she asks if I think we could ever be friends, maybe go out once in a while since she says she has no friends and spends most evenings alone.


Be careful what you wish for...

Many BS's are afraid of the WS running off with their AP's and living happy ever after when the reality is more like this. My FWW went through the same thing.

That being said, she is in a relationship with him and can no more walk away from the OM forever than she apparently has from you. WS's feel guilty about leaving and/or treating the AP's badly because they feel its their fault for getting the AP in the relationship in the first place. It doesn't matter what a POS the AP is, they have a "bond" for sharing the affair.

Hypothetically, if she was serious she would have to move away and break it off with the OM first before having this conversation. Otherwise she is just looking at the lesser of 2 evils and wants to use you to get away from him. 

If I was in your shoes I would have laughed in her face. She made her bed. Your job isn't to save her from her own stupidity.


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## MoonBay

maincourse99 said:


> _The "answers" you'd get from her would not be worth your time and trouble, and might make you feel worse than you do now. You'll heal better without them. She's still in the middle of the mess she made, and doesn't have enough insight to be able to give you any information that would really be helpful to healing either one of you. Keep doing what you're doing, and it'll get better. But don't count on her to "help" you._
> 
> All of your responses are exactly what I expected, and are right on target. Oddly enough, this conversation happened a week after a friend offered to introduce me to a single woman who sounds great and I was actually excited (for the first time in 2 years) to meet her.* I will take to heart all of your advice and soldier on in the direction I was headed*.


You're right to keep moving in this direction.

Do not let yourself become your ex-wife's Plan B. Her situation with lover boy is going to carp and she wants to cake eat again by having you as a stable living situation and OM when she gets horny.


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## GusPolinski

ArmyofJuan said:


> If I was in your shoes I would have laughed in her face. She made her bed. Your job isn't to save her from her own stupidity.


Ha! Yes! I was thinking the same thing about the "...not sure I could be intimate w/ you..." line. I'd have laughed my @$$ off at that, and it likely would've been enough to snap me out of whatever haze I'd been in when agreeing to the meeting.


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## Machiavelli

vi_bride04 said:


> So the grass isn't greener and she is fishing to see if she can rope you back in.


Only she's trying to do it without any bait on the hook. What she should be saying is:

"While I've been fooking around for the last few years, I've found out I'm bi. If you take me back, I'll bring home a new woman we can share every night!"

That would be a worthwhile offer. The offer of you give me half your stuff for no sex? Not worthwhile.


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## Tall Average Guy

maincourse99 said:


> Says she misses me, looks at the house and says that with our combined income, we could live well, but that working 40 hours a week is killing her.
> 
> * * * *
> 
> Oh, and she tossed in this unsolicited comment "I don't know if I could ever be intimate with you again".


You have to admire her honesty. Most gold diggers sleep with you at the start, then slowly wean you. She is up front that she wants you to foot the bill and you should expect nothing from her.


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## arbitrator

Tall Average Guy said:


> You have to admire her honesty. Most gold diggers sleep with you at the start, then slowly wean you. She is up front that she wants you to foot the bill and you should expect nothing from her.


*This sounds exactly like my rich, skanky XW! It's pretty much her stated mission to protect her millions, even at the expense of watching me, as a poor pensioner, simply going bankrupt!

Guess that's why she's kept her millions intact!*


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## Turin74

maincourse99 said:


> "I don't know if I could ever be intimate with you again"


Answer: Yep, because you will never get a chance to.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## thatbpguy

maincourse99 said:


> So, a week ago ex-wife insists on getting together in person to discuss a child issue. We haven't spoken in person for months, and told her can't we text or talk on the phone? She insists so I let her come over and we sit outside and talk.
> 
> After we resolve the issue with D13, she starts asking me how I'm doing, what's going on with friends and family etc. and she tells me some of what's going on with her.
> 
> She complains about POSOM alcoholism, that he left for a while but came back, and that she wishes she could live by herself. Then she asks if I think we could ever be friends, maybe go out once in a while since she says she has no friends and spends most evenings alone.
> 
> Says she misses me, looks at the house and says that with our combined income, we could live well, but that working 40 hours a week is killing her. I was non-committal. It's been 2 years, and I'm feeling much better, but part of me is interested in listening to her, I guess I still have the desire for answers. It's crazy to still want to put the puzzle of why and how together, much less of a desire to do it than a year or two ago, but still there nonetheless. Oh, and she tossed in this unsolicited comment "I don't know if I could ever be intimate with you again". Join the club.


No matter how badly we are betrayed, there is a part of us that will always love the other person to some extent. Even if that love, faith & trust was burned, beaten and mutilated. And there are always good times even in the midst of terrible marriages. So what you're going thru is perfectly normal. But still, just say "no". It's ALWAYS for the best. Once a betrayer, always a betrayer- and if not in fact, in propensity. Which means their hearts will never be fully with you again. Never.


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## ricky15100

I understand this, it's so easy to forget how horrible nasty and vindictive they are.

It's like your looking at the flames and forgot how hot they were and you're about to stick your hand back in. No good can come from it


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## Graywolf2

maincourse99 said:


> Says she misses me, looks at the house and says that with our combined income, we could live well.
> 
> Oh, and she tossed in this unsolicited comment "I don't know if I could ever be intimate with you again".


It sounds like she thinks you would make an excellent roommate.


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## Headspin

maincourse99 said:


> So, a week ago ex-wife insists on getting together in person to discuss a child issue. We haven't spoken in person for months, and told her can't we text or talk on the phone? She insists so I let her come over and we sit outside and talk.
> 
> After we resolve the issue with D13, she starts asking me how I'm doing, what's going on with friends and family etc. and she tells me some of what's going on with her.
> 
> She complains about POSOM alcoholism, that he left for a while but came back, and that she wishes she could live by herself. Then she asks if I think we could ever be friends, maybe go out once in a while since she says she has no friends and spends most evenings alone.
> 
> Says she misses me, looks at the house and says that with our combined income, we could live well, but that working 40 hours a week is killing her. I was non-committal. It's been 2 years, and I'm feeling much better, but part of me is interested in listening to her, I guess I still have the desire for answers. It's crazy to still want to put the puzzle of why and how together, much less of a desire to do it than a year or two ago, but still there nonetheless.



:rofl::rofl:

This is exactly where I was two weeks before christmas. Your opening post was word for word mine 

All I can say is this 

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## maincourse99

This is exactly where I was two weeks before christmas. Your opening post was word for word mine 

All I can say is this 

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


I'm guessing you didn't take the bait


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## warlock07

> Then she asks if I think we could ever be friends, maybe go out once in a while since she says she has no friends and spends most evenings alone.


With friends like her, who would need enemies. You should have laughed at her faced and left. 

Why did she bring the topic of being intimate with you again ?


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## Machiavelli

warlock07 said:


> With friends like her, who would need enemies. You should have laughed at her faced and left.
> 
> Why did she bring the topic of being intimate with you again ?


If she hadn't, OP might have made a move on her. And that would be.......creepy to her.


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## Turin74

warlock07 said:


> Why did she bring the topic of being intimate with you again ?


Perhaps because she couldn't admit she was wrong all along and she is basically crawling back and wanted xH to 'win her back'? 

Just a theory

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Philat

warlock07 said:


> With friends like her, who would need enemies. You should have laughed at her faced and left.
> 
> *Why did she bring the topic of being intimate with you again ?*


Trying to "manage expectations." Expectations of what God only knows.


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## Q tip

Does her POSOM know she is talking about cheating or leaving him. Is this now an EA she has going on in her head. Expose her to her POSOM.

Once a cheater...


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## poida

Dude, don't go there. Out of principle.
BUT, IF IT IS STILL ON YOUR MIND, DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
You sound like you don't really even understand WHY the marriage broke down in the first place, and whether each person can change substantially enough to make it work.
Once I did a lot of PC and read two books (NMMNG and MMSLP), I realised that I was indeed a major contributor to the breakdown of the marriage, but I also realised that there is often something broken in cheaters. For my WW, it was that she couldn't express how she felt, and didn't tell me she was unhappy and instead, cheated. Essentially a very primal response.
So, once I figured it all out, I realised that she wasn't going to be capable of sustaining my needs in a long term relationship, and from there my friend, the decision is EASY.
GO, do your homework , figure yourself out, and you will answer your own question.


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## bandit.45

So what is the decision ? Are you going to meet with her ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## terrence4159

my xw cheated on me and for years i was like you and wanted to know why. 10 years later honestly i dont care about her reasons, even if she came up to me to and said she would spill her guts about everything and how many guys (i know of 1 but 1.7 million % sure was more) i would laugh and walk off.

dont let her get back into your head. like most of the other advice you have got here. tell her only talk to her about the kid and thats it, never bring up you to being friends, tell her you tried that once and look what happened you will never let that happen again.


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## russell28

maincourse99 said:


> So, a week ago ex-wife insists on getting together in person to discuss a child issue. We haven't spoken in person for months, and told her can't we text or talk on the phone? She insists so I let her come over and we sit outside and talk.
> 
> After we resolve the issue with D13, she starts asking me how I'm doing, what's going on with friends and family etc. and she tells me some of what's going on with her.
> 
> She complains about POSOM alcoholism, that he left for a while but came back, and that she wishes she could live by herself. Then she asks if I think we could ever be friends, maybe go out once in a while since she says she has no friends and spends most evenings alone.
> 
> Says she misses me, looks at the house and says that with our combined income, we could live well, but that working 40 hours a week is killing her. I was non-committal. It's been 2 years, and I'm feeling much better, but part of me is interested in listening to her, I guess I still have the desire for answers. It's crazy to still want to put the puzzle of why and how together, much less of a desire to do it than a year or two ago, but still there nonetheless. Oh, and she tossed in this unsolicited comment "*I don't know if I could ever be intimate with you again*". Join the club.


She's not sure if she could be intimate, but she's sure she'd be okay with your income and the house looks good...

I think it's pretty clear.. she misses the house. Her KISA is losing the shine.. he's starting to look flawed. Aww... Tell her you wouldn't even consider being intimate with her, you're not sure who else her drunken OM has been sleeping with and you want to stay free of the AIDs.


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## russell28

warlock07 said:


> With friends like her, who would need enemies. You should have laughed at her faced and left.
> 
> Why did she bring the topic of being intimate with you again ?


One possibility:

She wanted to bring up that topic, and wanted him to talk about being intimate with her. She didn't say no way, she said she don't know.. aka, 'lets find out'? Putting the feelers out there.. See what he says.


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## lordmayhem

russell28 said:


> One possibility:
> 
> She wanted to bring up that topic, and wanted him to talk about being intimate with her. She didn't say no way, she said she don't know.. aka, 'lets find out'? Putting the feelers out there.. See what he says.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

That was exactly the reason I think. She WANTED him to beg her for sex, hence the unsolicited remark. Its was an overt hint. Good for the OP not falling for it. It crushed her ego, and now has her wondering where he's getting it from. Its messing with her mind. Apparently, she thinks she's all that in bed. 

And of course, Mr. Wonderful isn't so wonderful now. Even better. 

You are the superior man and you deflated her ego. maincourse99, that should be your closure. Many BSs don't get the satisfaction that you have. If I were in your shoes, I would be throwing a party and celebrating.


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## bandit.45

So I'm confused. Has he met with her for drinks or not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem

Yeah, I think the title of the thread is misleading too.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

maincourse99 said:


> She complains about POSOM alcoholism, that he left for a while but came back, and that she wishes she could live by herself.


So Mr wonderful didn't turn out to be so wonderful after all.



maincourse99 said:


> Then she asks if I think we could ever be *friends*, maybe go out *once in a while* since she says she has no friends and spends most evenings alone.


Yes, between her dating other men, just incase you don't work out, or she finds someone better.



maincourse99 said:


> Says she *misses* me, looks at the *house* and says that with *our combined income*, we could *live well*, but that working *40 hours a week is killing her*.


If you pay enough, I'll hang around again. Unless I find someone better(see above).



maincourse99 said:


> Oh, and she tossed in this unsolicited comment *"I don't know if I could ever be intimate with you again"*. Join the club.


Well, she can be intimate, she's just not sure with you(only anyways...).

Tell her to come over. Have her explain EXACTLY what she is proposing. Record it on a VAR. Tell her you'll think about it for a while. Then call her drunk_a$$_BF and let him hear the VAR over the phone.

If you have even the smallest urge to take her back, do this. Find the hardest wall in your house(preferably brick) and bang your head against it until the urge passes(or you pass out). If the urge comes back, repeat this.

Eventually you'll no longer have that urge. Even if you end up in the hospital, the pain will pale in comparison to how you'll feel when she leaves(cheats on) you again.

Don't give her the chance.


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## BobSimmons

She wants to come back.....?

EFFFFF NOOOOO!!!!!!

And no hanging out for drinks either, you are not her friend. Unless you want to become her buddy, while she goes back and screws OM. Don't buy the sob story either. 

It's strictly about money, now she wants to save some money on your dime, while absolutely friend zoning you and continuing her relationship with anybody she damn well likes...why shouldn't she? You're separated, she's detached and she made it clear, no nookie.

KEEP RUNNING MAN!


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## bandit.45

I like Groundpounder's idea. Brilliant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm

Bandit and the other posters are spot on.

To h**l with being friends with a traitorous WW.

Tell her that her sh***y choices have PERMANENT consequences.

You also have no desire to ever be intimate with her ska**y a**.

In fact, tell her you have no desire to even be friends with her ever again.

She has lost these parts of you FOREVER.

Tell her to go enjoy Mr. Wonderful.


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## tom67

Dyokemm said:


> Bandit and the other posters are spot on.
> 
> To h**l with being friends with a traitorous WW.
> 
> Tell her that her sh***y choices have PERMANENT consequences.
> 
> You also have no desire to ever be intimate with her ska**y a**.
> 
> In fact, tell her you have no desire to even be friends with her ever again.
> 
> She has lost these parts of you FOREVER.
> 
> Tell her to go enjoy Mr. Wonderful.


Correction
Enjoy Mr. DRUNK wonderful.


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## bandit.45

Drunkerful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Drunkerful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:
Tu sabes it only gets worse?
:slap::slap:


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## tom67

OP
Stay out of that train wreck and focus on the kid.


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## Mr Blunt

maincourse
This woman betrayed you, got left by OM (an alcoholic), she wants to move into your house but hints at not working 40 hours a week, and then tells you that sex is pretty much out of *the picture! 
Your woman may be a man because that took real balls!*


What surprises me is that you did not tell her that she is history and that you will not allow any more time for her to try her manipulations on you. You are going to allow a woman that has no desire for you, has been pumping the OM-Alkie for two years to treat you again like some eunuch? You should be fighting mad that she insulted your intelligence and manhood. *Does she think that you are such a door mat that you would take her up on that offer?*



You still want to know the whys and the how? The why is that she decided that you should be replaced by another man? The how is that she betrayed you and found an alkie that leaves her every now and then. *Stop trying to find an explanation for her betrayal because it all boils down to selfishness and weak character*

Tell her no more face to face conversation and if there is something that has to be dealt with concerning your child then use the email, text, or telephone. * You fell for the first one but if you fall for it again then you are a masochist and buffoon!*


*Go find that woman that wants to go out with you and force any thoughts of your ex-wife completely out of your head*! You are a lot better now than you were two years ago; do you want to go back to compromising and being needy?




*You are the Maincourse not some table scraps!*


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## tom67

Mr Blunt said:


> maincourse
> This woman betrayed you, got left by OM (an alcoholic), she wants to move into your house but hints at not working 40 hours a week, and then tells you that sex is pretty much out of *the picture!
> Your woman may be a man because that took real balls!*
> 
> 
> What surprises me is that you did not tell her that she is history and that you will not allow any more time for her to try her manipulations on you. You are going to allow a woman that has no desire for you, has been pumping the OM-Alkie for two years to treat you again like some eunuch? You should be fighting mad that she insulted your intelligence and manhood. *Does she think that you are such a door mat that you would take her up on that offer?*
> 
> 
> 
> You still want to know the whys and the how? The why is that she decided that you should be replaced by another man? The how is that she betrayed you and found an alkie that leaves her every now and then. *Stop trying to find an explanation for her betrayal because it all boils down to selfishness and weak character*
> 
> Tell her no more face to face conversation and if there is something that has to be dealt with concerning your child then use the email, text, or telephone. * You fell for the first one but if you fall for it again then you are a masochist and buffoon!*
> 
> 
> *Go find that woman that wants to go out with you and force any thoughts of your ex-wife completely out of your head*! You are a lot better now than you were two years ago; do you want to go back to compromising and being needy?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *You are the Maincourse not some table scraps!*


:iagree:
Reality is stranger than fiction.


----------



## jnj express

She made her bed let her lie in it

She was fast to dump you and wreck the mge, and the good life she had

SHE CHOSE TO LIVE LIFE AT A MUCH WORSE LEVEL---LEAVE HER THERE----------FOREVER----she now regrets what she has done to her self----TOO F'ing BAD


----------



## LongWalk

arbitrator said:


> *This sounds exactly like my rich, skanky XW! It's pretty much her stated mission to protect her millions, even at the expense of watching me, as a poor pensioner, simply going bankrupt!
> 
> Guess that's why she's kept her millions intact!*


Arb, my friend, you should have exposed her to all her church friends.


----------



## LongWalk

From your first thread (before you knew she had cheated and you thought she was a chaste WAW)



> Originally Posted by maincourse99
> He has been kicked out of his home by his wife after I anonymously exposed the affair. That may have been a mistake in retrospect since it may have hastened the two of them moving in together.
> 
> Army of Juan replied:
> Actually this was smart. The fastest way to end an A is to make it a real relationship. You did the right thing long term and that's what you need to keep in mind.


So it took two years for it to crumble.

You should be concerned for your daughter who has to live with drunk step dad. Your wife wanted to talk over a drink... maybe she puts away a lot of booze herself.


----------



## JustGrinding

Here's your response:

Nothing. Silence. Crickets.

Then, shore up that boundary: insist on communications through an intermediary from this day forward. Never meet or speak with her directly, by any means, again.

You're welcome.


----------



## Headspin

maincourse99 said:


> This is exactly where I was two weeks before christmas. Your opening post was word for word mine
> 
> All I can say is this
> 
> :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> 
> I'm guessing you didn't take the bait


----------



## maincourse99

_Why did she bring the topic of being intimate with you again _

This is very baffling to me. She brought it up out of the blue, we were talking about a different subject, then a pause, then brought up the above. I've been trying to figure out the motive behind her saying it. Does she mean "I've been thinking about it, and there's a possiblity that I could be intimate with you again", or is she saying that there's no way. The mistake I made was not insisting we text or email about D13. It's hard being in her presence and not having thoughts of the possibility of putting my family back together, and at the same time being unable to imagine being married to her again.


----------



## maincourse99

_So I'm confused. Has he met with her for drinks or not?_

Believe me, I'm tempted. I posted here knowing the advice that I would get would hopefully slap me out of the idea of going on a date with her. I have to admit, the curiosity is strong. I want to hear about her troubles, financial and otherwise, that she's disillusioned with the POSOM, that she made a mistake leaving me and D13.


----------



## Chaparral

If she was fishing to see if you would take the bait she couldn't have screwed it up more. Her remark is just about as big an insult I can imagine. Hopefully it just came out wrong. She had a lot riding on that meeting and her fear made her awkward. I bet that sentence rings in her ear for awhile.


----------



## MattMatt

She is missing you as a friend. But doesn't want to raise false hopes in you that she sees you in a sexual way.

If people drift apart and divorce as amicably as possible, that is possible. 

But when there is cheating, lying and deception involved? Who does she think dhe is kidding??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I'd politely tell her to go fvck herself and never speak to her face to face again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## russell28

maincourse99 said:


> _So I'm confused. Has he met with her for drinks or not?_
> 
> Believe me, I'm tempted. I posted here knowing the advice that I would get would hopefully slap me out of the idea of going on a date with her. I have to admit, the curiousity is strong. I want to hear about her troubles, financial and otherwise, that she's disillusioned with the POSOM, that she made a mistake leaving me and D13.


Don't be tempted.. she's with the POSOM, and talking to you about potential intimacy, and letting you know she's thought about it.. sneaking off with you for drinks.. she wants to cheat with you on him. She misses sneaking and lying... and the house and your paycheck. She needs her ego fed.. You were supposed to plead with her to have sex with you and be her friend and have drinks with her, to make her feel good.


----------



## Jellybeans

So are you going to go out with her or not?

DAMN these thread titles!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Thorburn

Jellybeans said:


> So are you going to go out with her or not?
> 
> DAMN these thread titles!!!!!!!!!!!!


A few posts up he wrote:

*So I'm confused. Has he met with her for drinks or not?

Believe me, I'm tempted. I posted here knowing the advice that I would get would hopefully slap me out of the idea of going on a date with her. I have to admit, the curiousity is strong. I want to hear about her troubles, financial and otherwise, that she's disillusioned with the POSOM, that she made a mistake leaving me and D13. *


He is entertaining the idea.


----------



## Thorburn

OP here is my take on all of this:

Your Ex: 

1. Her new man is an alcoholic, he left her once, he is unpredictable.
2. She has no friends.
3. She is lonely.
4. More than likely having financial strains.
5. Hates working 40 hours a week.
6. Misses you only for the support and convenience.

You:
1. have not moved on in a healthy way. You have not detached from your ex.
2. You have hopes of getting things back to the way they were and are toying with the idea of R.


My summary:
1. No more face to face encounters (as was suggested by others)
2. Your ex made her bed and does not like it. Let her suffer the consequences of her poor decisions and let her go.
3. Detach. Detach. Detach. Set up rules for communication and keep them. Texts or phone calls only and keep them short.
4. Start enjoying life and stop allowing her to rent space in your head.
5. Get a new hobby, get involved more with friends, do some short trips.


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> I'd politely tell her to go fvck herself and never speak to her face to face again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes politely of course.


----------



## GusPolinski

tom67 said:


> bandit.45 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'd politely tell her to go fvck herself and never speak to her face to face again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> 
> 
> Yes politely of course.
Click to expand...

"*Please* go f*ck yourself.







"

Send that via text. And don't forget to put the smiley at the end!

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## convert

^^^^ With a British accent
It always sound more polite with a British accent


----------



## murphy5

Wow OP. You do have to give her A+ for big balls to ask u that!

About the only thing she might be good for now is consolation sex as a FWB. I would NOT let her anywhere near your house though...why have her hanging around while you are trying to find a nice/fine/honest woman. What would you say to your new GF? "oh, ignore the skank in the other room, that's just my cheating ex wife..."


----------



## unbelievable

She probably heard you still had a few tiny shards of your dignity remaining and she wanted to come by and pick those up.


----------



## Twistedheart

You are looking for and wanting answers out of her for closure. This is why you are entertaining the idea of further engaging her. She is *not* going to give you what you are looking for. You are chasing false hope in her. Put a rubberband around your wrist and pop yourself everytime you even think of entertaining the idea of engagement with her.


----------



## arbitrator

LongWalk said:


> Arb, my friend, you should have exposed her to all her church friends.


*What? And ruin her reputation for putting those four and five figure checks in the coffers weekly which were for her tax write-offs? The only people there that she ever had any discernible contact with was the pastor and his wife ~ both of them high school and college buddies of hers. And really no one else.

And ever since our separation started back in May of 2011, I've received independent reports that she's now pretty much became the "Easter/Christmas Only" type of congregant rather than the "every Sunday" type! Guess that gives her more time to run the highways executing business and looking for a little bit of strange on the side!

And even though the pastor left her church awhile back, and her mother still worships there almost every Sunday, I've always got the marked impression that just not a whole lot of people there really thought that much of my rich, skanky XW!*


----------



## OpenEnded

I think you are giving your Ex way too much credit. To me it is all in your OP. She was in some "Alice in the wonderland" funk.
... Imagine we are friends ... and no more housing payments, no more 40h work week ... that's wonderful ... wait, wait what was that thought ? ... when a man shares his income and home with a woman ... she might be expected to ... OMG! Aww ... "I don't know if ... "

Maincourse, I don't think you need this type of drama in your life now.
When you communicate just be brief, polite, firm and please scratch her personal s...tuff off your priorities list.

Have a great day.


----------



## happyman64

While I agree with everyone else that you are better off ignoring her why not try this approach:

Meet with her.

Hand her a list of your requirements for you to even think about reconciling with her:

A. Separate bank accounts forever.
B. The home remains in your name.
C. Both your wills leave D13 as the beneficiary.
D. She tells the truth about her past misdeeds. All of the truth.
E. She gets a STD test and gives it to you.
F. If she moves back home she becomes an open book with all types of communication.
G. She comes back to you with a formal plan of R that includes counseling.
H. The kids get a vote on whether they want you two back together.
I. SHe has to be intimate with you on a regular basis withing 1 month of moving back home.

Now wouldn't it be easier to just go on a date with a new woman. Because I highly doubt your exw us capable of this much honesty and hard work.

After all, she wants to move back home and be in your life because she is working too hard.

Stay firm.

HM


----------



## hopefulgirl

> Believe me, i'm tempted.


Like a moth to a flame.


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> While I agree with everyone else that you are better off ignoring her why not try this approach:
> 
> Meet with her.
> 
> Hand her a list of your requirements for you to even think about reconciling with her:
> 
> A. Separate bank accounts forever.
> B. The home remains in your name.
> C. Both your wills leave D13 as the beneficiary.
> D. She tells the truth about her past misdeeds. All of the truth.
> E. She gets a STD test and gives it to you.
> F. If she moves back home she becomes an open book with all types of communication.
> G. She comes back to you with a formal plan of R that includes counseling.
> H. The kids get a vote on whether they want you two back together.
> I. SHe has to be intimate with you on a regular basis withing 1 month of moving back home.
> 
> Now wouldn't it be easier to just go on a date with a new woman. Because I highly doubt your exw us capable of this much honesty and hard work.
> 
> After all, she wants to move back home and be in your life because she is working too hard.
> 
> Stay firm.
> 
> HM


*Hap: I hate to say it, but I would greatly think that by the time she reaches your list's letter "C," she'll fastly become persona non grata! Just saying!*


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> *Hap: I hate to say it, but I would greatly think that by the time she reaches your list's letter "C," she'll fastly become persona non grata! Just saying!*


I agree with you Arb.

He needs to sh!t test her.

I personally think she will run for the hills. And she needs to understand that his conditions are nonnegotiable.....


----------



## Machiavelli

bandit.45 said:


> I'd politely tell her to go fvck herself and never speak to her face to face again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was starting to wonder how you really felt about the situation.


----------



## Openminded

I hope you aren't seriously tempted. That would be a huge mistake. She obviously wants back in and could pull out all the stops to make that happen. And the only thing worse for your daughter than seeing her parents split would be seeing them get back together and split again. Because you would. Text her in the future about your daughter. No meetings. They don't benefit you.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

maincourse99 said:


> _So I'm confused. Has he met with her for drinks or not?_
> 
> Believe me, I'm tempted. I posted here knowing the advice that I would get would hopefully slap me out of the idea of going on a date with her. I have to admit, the curiosity is strong. *I want to hear about her troubles, financial and otherwise, that she's disillusioned with the POSOM, that she made a mistake leaving me and D13.*


Her mistake was leaving what you had to offer. Her standard of living took a big hit when she left you for alkiboy. She came right out and told you. She doesn't like the 40 hour work week, the house looks good, you both(mostly her) could save money.

Then she let's you know right up front that she's not interested in sex with you. How would this work out? She's not going to have sex at all... Nope, just not so much with you.

Does this all sound familiar?... Oh yeah! It'd be just like it was when you were married to her. Her life sucks now. She's hoping that your life sucks enough to even go back to how it was towards the end of your marriage.

Your mistake is even considering meeting her for drinks. She's going to spend 3 hours unloading on you. Yes, you'll hear all the details about how bad things have gotten for her. THEN, she goes home to alkiboy to have sex. Kind of like it was when you were together...

The more you talk to her, the closer you get with her, the worse it's going to be when you finally realize that you've been played.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Everyone has defined it perfectly, but they didn't use the "old school" phrase.

She wants you to be her "sugar daddy," she just "sort of" removed the sexual component.


----------



## harrybrown

What an offer!

She gets the cheating exWW award of the year. 

Would she do anything to sweeten that offer? Tell you more lies than when she cheated and lied to you when you were married?

Continue to be selfish and treat you shyttier than she did before?

Tear your heart out again and again to see how long it would take before it stopped beating? 

make sure she has several stds to share before giving them to you?

I can tell this is such a wonderful offer, I can not figure out how you could ever get a D from her?

sorry for the sarcasm.

I do wish you happiness in the future, but the best offer that I can give you, is that keeping her out of your life is the best gift she could ever give you.


----------



## ArmyofJuan

maincourse99 said:


> _So I'm confused. Has he met with her for drinks or not?_
> 
> Believe me, I'm tempted. I posted here knowing the advice that I would get would hopefully slap me out of the idea of going on a date with her. I have to admit, the curiosity is strong. I want to hear about her troubles, financial and otherwise, that she's disillusioned with the POSOM, that she made a mistake leaving me and D13.


I think I would because I'm a vindictive person and would make sure she was treading water in a pool of her own tears by the time I left...for a date with another woman.


----------



## Jellybeans

So...did you meet her for drinks?

:rofl:


----------



## convert

Well if you go for a drink be sure to watch that she does not drug your drink and take your wallet


----------



## aug

ArmyofJuan said:


> I think I would because I'm a vindictive person and would make sure she was treading water in a pool of her own tears by the time I left...for a date with another woman.



No, as far as I can tell, you're a decent guy. For example, you are still with your fWW.


----------



## aug

happyman64 said:


> Hand her a list of your requirements for you to even think about reconciling with her:
> 
> A. Separate bank accounts forever.
> B. The home remains in your name.
> C. Both your wills leave D13 as the beneficiary.
> D. She tells the truth about her past misdeeds. All of the truth.
> E. She gets a STD test and gives it to you.
> F. If she moves back home she becomes an open book with all types of communication.
> G. She comes back to you with a formal plan of R that includes counseling.
> H. The kids get a vote on whether they want you two back together.
> I. SHe has to be intimate with you on a regular basis withing 1 month of moving back home.


You missed one. She has to lose 80 pounds.


----------



## GusPolinski

convert said:


> Well if you go for a drink be sure to watch that she does not drug your drink and take your wallet


And if you happen to wake up in a bathtub full of ice with major abdominal pains...


----------



## Ripper

maincourse99 said:


> She complains about POSOM alcoholism,
> that working 40 hours a week is killing her. "


Tell her you took this basket to TAM and collected all the fvcks we don't give. Hand it to her with a smile.


----------



## LongWalk

I think you should offer to remarry her and she should write a check payable to you for $50,000 to cover the wedding. After you cash it then she has to lose the weight and do all the other stuff HM suggested.

If she fails, you keep the deposit.


----------



## convert

GusPolinski said:


> And if you happen to wake up in a bathtub full of ice with major abdominal pains...





convert said:


> Well if you go for a drink be sure to watch that she does not drug your drink and take your wallet


one trick some women do is to cover the drink with a napkin and poke the straw through it....... Dam-it I hate that.

.... *I'm just kidding*......


----------



## maincourse99

Well, i disregarded all the advice to not get together with my ex-wife and did it. I've been putting off posting this, but I decided to because maybe the experience might help someone else who is in a similar situation. 

I decided beforehand that I would not bring up the infidelity or my feelings about it, it's all been said anyway. So, I listened, we talked about general things, what's been going on with my family, things about our daughter, past things we did together. She was very nostalgic. Brought up a lot of pleasant ( or what used to be pleasant) memories, many things I had forgotten. 

We left the first bar and walked down the street to a place we went to often when we were together. Overall it was not an unpleasant experience, and it gave me insight into how difficult her life is now, and I could sense her lonliness and dissatisfaction. We sometimes think that when they leave us they've moved on to a great life, but as many on here have said, generally not. 

I realize that there is still a pull, I miss family life with her. It was almost always good from my perspective. I suppose that was part of doing this, still hanging on to that thread of hope. But I also wanted to face my fear, to see if I could be in her presence without feeling angry, or sad or to feel compelled to vent. And I accomplished that. It helped demystify things, pulled the curtain away and gave me a glimpse into her life and how throwing me and family life away like she did has not led to contentment. That all her issues have gone right along with her. 
I suppose I knew all that anyway, but to see it in person was interesting.

Anyway, I don't think it set me back. I can honestly say that I didn't feel drawn to her, and having made it this far, I know I can continue to detach, in fact it may have helped along in that.


----------



## SadSamIAm

maincourse99 said:


> Well, i disregarded all the advice to not get together with my ex-wife and did it. I've been putting off posting this, but I decided to because maybe the experience might help someone else who is in a similar situation.
> 
> I decided beforehand that I would not bring up the infidelity or my feelings about it, it's all been said anyway. So, I listened, we talked about general things, what's been going on with my family, things about our daughter, past things we did together. She was very nostalgic. Brought up a lot of pleasant ( or what used to be pleasant) memories, many things I had forgotten.
> 
> We left the first bar and walked down the street to a place we went to often when we were together. Overall it was not an unpleasant experience, and it gave me insight into how difficult her life is now, and I could sense her lonliness and dissatisfaction. We sometimes think that when they leave us they've moved on to a great life, but as many on here have said, generally not.
> 
> I realize that there is still a pull, I miss family life with her. It was almost always good from my perspective. I suppose that was part of doing this, still hanging on to that thread of hope. But I also wanted to face my fear, to see if I could be in her presence without feeling angry, or sad or to feel compelled to vent. And I accomplished that. It helped demystify things, pulled the curtain away and gave me a glimpse into her life and how throwing me and family life away like she did has not led to contentment. That all her issues have gone right along with her.
> I suppose I knew all that anyway, but to see it in person was interesting.
> 
> Anyway, I don't think it set me back. I can honestly say that I didn't feel drawn to her, and having made it this far, I know I can continue to detach, in fact it may have helped along in that.


So how did the night end? 

I was expecting something like her telling you how she made a big mistake and wanted you back. Or that she just seduced you.


----------



## Headspin

Well done 

Its not easy. Especially if you have had genuine good times with her. 

Mine's the same. Just around d day I got "he's demonstrated to me the kind of life I could have ...."

2 yrs later two bed rented terraced hse, in debt. OM left his wife but they still not moved in together and she can't get a mortgage to own a place and she's still pissed off at the world...( hehe it's STILL everybodys else's fault :scratchhead: )

:rofl: 

In dealing with her I find it quite easy now - I just smile although admittedly, still despise her in my own inner way.

I never rise to the bait.

Tbh I did in the beginning had difficulty controlling my rage for a good few months half a year but now I know her better than ever - I know exactly what I am dealing with


----------



## workindad

OP tread lightly- I don't get the sense that she has much if anything to offer you. Still no apparent remorse. It is all about her. She's lonely, she has no friends, she works to much, she can't live alone, she can't live as well as she used to. Poor her.

It's fine if you are truly detached and curious about something. Just don't get overly invested.

How do you think she would have responded to you if you would have said you couldn't be intimate with her again? 

Best of luck
WD


----------



## Philat

SadSamIAm said:


> So how did the night end?
> 
> I was expecting something like her telling you how she made a big mistake and wanted you back. Or that she just seduced you.


Yes, Maincourse, how did you leave it?


----------



## happyman64

Maincourse

I hope meeting her and seeing how her life is turning out after all the bad decisions she has made helps you move on.....

HM


----------



## maincourse99

Well, at around 11 she was getting tired. She had gotten home at 6:30 that evening and said she almost fell asleep, Friday night, and those 40 hours 

So she said she was going to leave and she hugged me and left. I stayed and finished my drink. The next day she texted me and said she had a good time, and that "she's not at peace with things at all", for 18 years i was a big part of her life. Who knows what it means, she's always cryptic when talking about us. 

Since then, absolutely no contact from her, and I haven't contacted her either. It was her idea this meeting, not sure what's next if anything. She could suggest R, but I don't know if I would attempt it. Maybe she was just feeling nostalgic. I'm just going to keep pushing forward and healing.


----------



## maincourse99

_I hope meeting her and seeing how her life is turning out after all the bad decisions she has made helps you move on.._

Thanks HappyMan


----------



## VFW

If you listen real close, this is all about her. I think you have a tendency to want to be that Knight in shining armor to save her. She wants what you have to offer, but is so concerned with herself, she can't be bothered with others long term. She could come home for awhile, but when she meets the next Mr Wonderful, she will be off again. I did this back and forth stuff for 5 years, before I finally said enough. Please don't make the save painful mistake.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

maincourse99 said:


> Well, at around 11 she was getting tired. She had gotten home at 6:30 that evening and said she almost fell asleep, Friday night, and those 40 hours
> 
> So she said she was going to leave and she hugged me and left. I stayed and finished my drink. The next day she texted me and said she had a good time, and that "she's not at peace with things at all", for 18 years i was a big part of her life. Who knows what it means, she's always cryptic when talking about us.
> 
> Since then, absolutely no contact from her, and I haven't contacted her either. It was her idea this meeting, not sure what's next if anything. *She could suggest R, but I don't know if I would attempt it.* Maybe she was just feeling nostalgic. I'm just going to keep pushing forward and healing.











*Someone hide his sword, horse and shield, quick!!!*


----------



## jim123

maincourse99 said:


> Well, at around 11 she was getting tired. She had gotten home at 6:30 that evening and said she almost fell asleep, Friday night, and those 40 hours
> 
> So she said she was going to leave and she hugged me and left. I stayed and finished my drink. The next day she texted me and said she had a good time, and that "she's not at peace with things at all", for 18 years i was a big part of her life. Who knows what it means, she's always cryptic when talking about us.
> 
> Since then, absolutely no contact from her, and I haven't contacted her either. It was her idea this meeting, not sure what's next if anything. She could suggest R, but I don't know if I would attempt it. Maybe she was just feeling nostalgic. I'm just going to keep pushing forward and healing.


It is great you can be civil. The anger will hurt you more than her. Forgive her, forgive yourself and move on.


----------



## tom67

maincourse99 said:


> Well, at around 11 she was getting tired. She had gotten home at 6:30 that evening and said she almost fell asleep, Friday night, and those 40 hours
> 
> So she said she was going to leave and she hugged me and left. I stayed and finished my drink. The next day she texted me and said she had a good time, and that "she's not at peace with things at all", for 18 years i was a big part of her life. Who knows what it means, she's always cryptic when talking about us.
> 
> Since then, absolutely no contact from her, and I haven't contacted her either. It was her idea this meeting, not sure what's next if anything. She could suggest R, but I don't know if I would attempt it. Maybe she was just feeling nostalgic. I'm just going to keep pushing forward and healing.


Keep dating other women then reassess.
That's all I have.


----------



## tom67

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> *Someone hide his sword, horse and shield, quick!!!*


Is that his sword or is he just happy to see me.:rofl:
Sorry


----------



## Q tip

Got you thinking or her and wondering. Well, she's playing you just fine. She's gonna taker her time to get things back the way SHE wants. Beware, my friend.


----------



## GusPolinski

maincourse99 said:


> Well, at around 11 she was getting tired. She had gotten home at 6:30 that evening and said she almost fell asleep, Friday night, and those 40 hours
> 
> So she said she was going to leave and she hugged me and left. I stayed and finished my drink. The next day she texted me and said she had a good time, and that "she's not at peace with things at all", for 18 years i was a big part of her life. Who knows what it means, she's always cryptic when talking about us.
> 
> Since then, absolutely no contact from her, and I haven't contacted her either. It was her idea this meeting, not sure what's next if anything. *She could suggest R, but I don't know if I would attempt it.* Maybe she was just feeling nostalgic. I'm just going to keep pushing forward and healing.


Again, this is from your own profile...

"Was married to a *serial* cheater, healing and moving on."

Tread carefully.


----------



## Dyokemm

"Believe me, I'm tempted. I posted here knowing the advice that I would get would hopefully slap me out of the idea of going on a date with her. I have to admit, the curiosity is strong. I want to hear about her troubles, financial and otherwise, that she's disillusioned with the POSOM, that she made a mistake leaving me and D13."

OP,

Continue your detachment and do not meet her again...insist on e-mail communication and only about your child.

You know what is better than knowing all those details?

They look on her face when she realizes she means nothing to you now...might as well be a stranger.

That and the clear impression that you will not even be there as a friend.

That look (I saw it with mu LTgf when she begged for another chance) is PRICELESS.


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## LongWalk

Let her move out from POSOM. Win the lottery and then make you the first person she calls to share the good news.

"Honey, I left POSOM three months ago and moved to a new place, and guess what else. Last week I bought lottery ticket with our birthdays together and it won! We won!"


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## harrybrown

I really hope you stop all contact. (as much as possible)

If she gets the chance, she will hurt you again. She has not changed.


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## Jellybeans

maincourse99 said:


> The next day she texted me and said she had a good time, and that "she's not at peace with things at all", for 18 years i was a big part of her life. Who knows what it means, she's always cryptic when talking about us.


Devil's advocate here: 

You guys WERE together for 18 years which means you were equally a massive part of each others' lives. So yeah, it's normal to remember the past and someone when you spent that long with them. It's not like a magic wand just erases your memories like in Men in Black, or the feelings. 



maincourse99 said:


> Since then, absolutely no contact from her, and I haven't contacted her either.


So you're on equal footing.



maincourse99 said:


> It was her idea this meeting, not sure what's next if anything. She could suggest R, but I don't know if I would attempt it. Maybe she was just feeling nostalgic. I'm just going to keep pushing forward and healing..


Maybe you were also feeling nostalgic which is why you met up with her and wanted to see how she was doing; and she wanted to see how you were. I don't see what is so crazy about that, especially after spending about two decades together. No one is all bad/all good. You wouldn't have been with her all that time if she were the devil incarnate. And she with you.

Aren't you dating someone now?


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## maincourse99

_Maybe you were also feeling nostalgic which is why you met up with her and wanted to see how she was doing; and she wanted to see how you were. I don't see what is so crazy about that, especially after spending about two decades together. No one is all bad/all good. You wouldn't have been with her all that time if she were the devil incarnate. And she with you.

Aren't you dating someone now?_


This just might be it... nope, not dating at the moment.


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## stevehowefan

This happened to me too. I was very beta after my ex-fiance had an EA. I was a blubbering idiot. We went back and forth hating one another and loving one another. After about a year, I was lonely. I had dated a few females. She had done more than date a few guys. So I called her up and asked her "about us." We were together for two weeks, and she decided she wanted to leave. I was sad and the process sort of started all over. The moment I would detach, she'd somehow see I was getting some dignity back and like someone above said, she came by to pick up those shreds. I finally manned up, straight up, and let go. When I did that, I met my now wife of 10 years. We have two kids and she hasn't cheated on me. There is a silver lining, bro. Don't fall back into that trap. If you're going to start all over, you may as well do it with someone who hasn't betrayed you.


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## Chaparral

How many other men were there?


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## stevehowefan

stevehowefan said:


> This happened to me too. I was very beta after my ex-fiance had an EA. I was a blubbering idiot. We went back and forth hating one another and loving one another. After about a year, I was lonely. I had dated a few females. She had done more than date a few guys. So I called her up and asked her "about us." We were together for two weeks, and she decided she wanted to leave. I was sad and the process sort of started all over. The moment I would detach, she'd somehow see I was getting some dignity back and like someone above said, she came by to pick up those shreds. I finally manned up, straight up, and let go. When I did that, I met my now wife of 10 years. We have two kids and she hasn't cheated on me. There is a silver lining, bro. Don't fall back into that trap. If you're going to start all over, you may as well do it with someone who hasn't betrayed you.


And something else that usually happens is once you're done, for good done, they never let go. She, to this day, pines away for me. I no longer take solace in that, as I once did when it first happened. Hang in there, bro. Be strong.


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## vi_bride04

stevehowefan said:


> Don't fall back into that trap. If you're going to start all over, you may as well do it with someone who hasn't betrayed you.


:iagree:

Serial cheaters aren't worth the effort of trying to make a relationship work, IMO.


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## maincourse99

_How many other men were there?_


7 including current douche. 4 were Ash*** Mad**** hookups. These are the ones I know of. Yeah, I know.


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## LongWalk

Thanks but no thanks.

How did you find out about them. AshMad left a trail?


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## Q tip

Let's say you are free and easy, totally unattached...

Would you date someone who is a known proven, manipulative cheater?

Well don't!


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## michzz

maincourse99 said:


> _How many other men were there?_
> 
> 
> 7 including current douche. 4 were Ash*** Mad**** hookups. These are the ones I know of. Yeah, I know.


Yuck!

Don't go for another bite of the apple. it's rotten to the core.


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## U.E. McGill

I didn't read all the in between crap. But I have an interesting experiment for you:

Go for a a drink. Tell her 7. Show up at 715 or later. 

(I'm going to borrow a story for the purpose of discussion)

Get right to the point. Pull out your phone and show her a picture of a couple of naked cooters. Tell her "I was sent these in the last three days. I can call anyone of them and have a booty call in an hour. What exactly do you bring to the table if we're not going to screw"

You'll know right away what her intentions are. If your plan B she'll be offended and make up some crap. If your plan A she'll spread like hot butter.


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## Jellybeans

He already met with her.


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## maincourse99

_7 including current douche. 4 were Ash*** Mad**** hookups. These are the ones I know of. Yeah, I know_

I should explain. I forgave the first and found out about the rest on D-day.


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## michzz

maincourse99 said:


> _7 including current douche. 4 were Ash*** Mad**** hookups. These are the ones I know of. Yeah, I know_
> 
> I should explain. I forgave the first and found out about the rest on D-day.


Classic trickle truthing and gaslighting.

There is always more of the iceberg under the surface than visible above the water line.


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