# Q From Man - Please help - Am I wrong?



## areyoukiddingme (Oct 29, 2012)

Hello,

My first time to post after lingering for some time. my wife and I seemingly are always at odds, but the latest argument is definitely taking the cake in intensity and ultimately I believe is leading to the dissolution of our marriage. 

I've been told that it's my fault and I'm a complete a*****e. So what's the situation:

In essence, it comes down to other women. She believes, as firmly as possible, that a married person is unable to find ANYONE ON EARTH other than their wife good looking. This is absolute nonsense I believe, but she is going so far as to say that if I can find another woman good looking, then the marriage is over and meant nothing.

How did this come about you ask? it's not like I walk around saying someone is good looking or anything. I was asked what I thought a particular person looked like. Not wanting to lie to my wife, I told her she was a good looking girl and left it at that. 

Well you'd think I had cheated on her by the response. She has claimed I don't love her, never have, that I'm having thoughts about this woman, etc, etc etc... None of which is remotely the case. I think my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world (and I tell her so all the time). We have an incredibly healthy sex life as well, so I'm not depriving her there at all.

So anyway, I guess I'm curious as to if I'm in the wrong. I think it's perfectly natural to find other people good looking and leave it at that. There's no hidden desire, no lust, no attraction (in the "i want so and so" sense)... 

Right now, as crazy as it sounds, this seems to be the end of our marriage as my wife insists that no other man in the world, since she has met me, is better than average. *sigh*

What can I possibly do? This argument has lasted longer than anyone could dare guess, with her on my butt every day. I beg for her to stop and she won't. I try to reassure. Nothing works. I'm at a loss here.

Please help.

-areyoukiddingme


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Possibly one of the silliest reasons for ending a marriage I've read on TAM and that's saying something.

She is clearly incredibly insecure. Is she this daft about other issues too?

First up...stop begging. It's a power trip for her and makes you look unattractive.

Not much you can do until she is willing to talk. Have you ever done any marriage counselling?

How do you deal with other conflicts in the marriage?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Right now, as crazy as it sounds, this seems to be the end of our marriage as my wife insists that no other man in the world, since she has met me, is better than average. *sigh*


:lol:

I know she hasn't met ME, but come on...

She is being silly. A person doesn't become blind to others just because of a relationship. And she knows this. Because she is lying. 

She is placing unreasonable expectations on you. This is either a huge case of extreme insecurity or she is searching for an excuse to have a fight.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

There has to be more to this story. If this is over a one time comment that was actually in response to her question, then it is the mother of all over reactions. But I would guess there is much more to it than that.


> I was asked what I thought a particular person looked like. Not wanting to lie to my wife, I told her she was a good looking girl and left it at that.


And if not, is this TRULY your very first indication of her intense level of insecurity? Perhaps the right answer would have been: "compared to you, she's just average"!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

That's ludicrous. Both men and women will always notice the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex, and it is no indication that they are likely to cheat on their partners. 

Ogling and continually making comments about them to our partners is another thing altogether, but you have told us that you're not doing this.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Lord help us if we did not see others as attractive or prett etc.

When someone asks for your opinion and you give it in the manner you desribe then yep its about as harmless as it comes but, for someone who is very insecure, who may be wondering why your with them at all its paramount to haveing full blown sex with that person. Yes your W is in this situation being really unreasonable as you have not said the other party is better looking etc than her youve just been honest. This is always difficult to hadle because no matter what you say at present youll be saying the wrong thing.... bet your feeling that already?

You can try letting the dust settle , but keep giving afirmation of your feelings for her. Comments like "yes they are sorta attrective but not compared to you" are a little cheesey but said the right way can be a massive moral boost as well. 

What ages are you, is she showing signs of disengaging from you emationally, have you bee n in a situation where she feels threatened by other women?, Does she think that you are maybe seeking solace else where?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Didn't you read the married men handbook? When women ask these idiotic questions you are supposed to LIE LIE LIE. Do these jeans make my butt look big? Do you think she's prettier than me? Would you marry me again if you could go back in time? Do you think I'm fat? What's one thing you would change about me if you could?

It's a trap. All of it.

That said your wife is being silly and to say this is an overreaction is an understatement.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't know if you should lie about it, really, unless she's asking ALL THE TIME. I know hubby finds certain women attractive, and he knows I find guys, and women, attractive. Neither of us shoves it in the others face though. Denying it is ludicrous - there's several billion people on the planet, there's no way any normal person wouldn't find at least ONE of them besides their spouse attractive.

Your wife has issues.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

What is the back story here?

Any history of cheating on either side?


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

There are definitely some issues here. I KNOW my husband finds other women attractive, just as I find other men attractive. It's what you DO with that that can cause problems. Sometimes it's fuel to add to the fire in your bedroom, some people use it as a mirror to turn their sexuality off.

Hubby worked on film/tv sets for most of our marriage with some very attractive women. If he had said they weren't, I would have wondered why he felt he had to lie to me. I have no doubt some of the hotter sex we had during that time was after he treated some of them. I would have been the same way if I'd been interacting with a really attractive, off-limits man all day!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Wife is acting totally crazy!

Is your wife extremely religious? Does she equate viewing someone as attractive with "lusting in your heart" which IS a sin about which the Bible admonishes us to beware!

If she is NOT extremely religious, then I can't think of ANY REASON for her really STUPID comments:



> a married person is unable to find ANYONE ON EARTH other than their wife good looking.





> I've been told that it's my fault and I'm a complete a*****e.


 This last one is INEXCUSABLE and begs an apology.

Tell your wife that the saying, 'Love is blind' is a METAPHOR, not a COMMANDMENT!


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

She's VERY insecure. She needs some self help books.
She needs a self-esteem boost. She needs some counseling, or maybe some psycho analysis. 

Something from her past seems to be triggering this unrealistic need to be the "ONLY" attractive person in the world to you.

Now... maybe she is confusing someone being good looking & "attractive" to you having "attraction" to the same person. There is a big difference. 

I mean... Heck, hubby knows that Mr George Clooney and Mr Scott Bakula are both "hotties" to me. But he also knows that I would never leave him for them. He knows that I am his & his only.

I know that my husband thinks other women are beautiful. (which they are). But, I also know that he would not cross the line and have a relationship with any of them.


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## areyoukiddingme (Oct 29, 2012)

The historoy...Where to begin...

I met my wife under false pretense, and it was completely my fault. I was separating from someone and didn't tell her that at the time. It was wrong, i took accountability.

Compounding that situation, there were things in my previous relationship that I wanted to be keep private. I don't think when you meet someone you have to reveal all the things that happened prior. Some things are not to be shared. In my case, my previous partner and I had a more open relationship. It isn't me, and is something I would never ever try again. It feels wrong and just violates marriage in every way. That was something I chose not to divulge. Of course at some point my wife and my ex spoke, my ex lied about things, created a story, and BOOM - she learns part of something I thought was private, but not the whole story. It's all downhill from there

I tried telling her, for over three years now, that what has happened in the past A) Didn't involve her B) I'd never ever consider again. I want a wife and family. Period. Nothing more, nothing less..

I've tried everything in the world. I've allowed her to GPS track me, read all emails, look at my phone whenever she wants. You name it. I text her when I get somewhere, when a meeting starts/finishes, when something ends, etc, etc..

Her past involves one relationship - a guy she dated for 2.5 months that cheated on her. That's it. She never dated anyone else before me other than that guy. NO ONE. We met when she was 26, still living at home. Yes, at home.

Warning signs were always there, but love is blind. I'm questioned if I brush my teeth before I see her, if I wear cologne. If I wear a shirt that sleeves roll up when going to a meeting. You name it, i've lived through the questions. Endless at times. 

I've always respected her, loved her, and cherished her. She can't let go of something that has happened in my past. Something that I'm not proud of nor would I ever want to do again. These past things play into future...

It expands beyond this too. I have to answer questions about why meetings took longer, who was there, who said what, what people look like, you name it. She'll look people up on the web to see pictures, etc. Then will accuse me if she feels threatened. 

Now there seems to be no escape. She's made such a big deal out of this "you can't find another girl attractive" that there is seemingly no end to the problem. I've been arguing withher non-stop for 12 weeks. Yes WEEKS. Every day. Every night. She never lets up. Always accuses. Hell, she's had PIs on me, and they've never reported back anything. Why? Because i'm 100% faithful, loving, and want nothing more than my wife.

I support her every need to the best of my ability. Reassure her constantly, express my love for her whenever I see her. It's genuine too. I don't do it out of necessity, but out of true adoration for my wife. We are very active in the bedroom as well when we aren't arguing, averaging around 4-5 times a week. How can she still feel so insecure?! 

Have I been perfect? No, I haven't. I take accountability for what I've done. I've worked as hard as possible to attempt to show her that I want nothing more than her in my life. 

Hope that helps everyone understand a bit more... I'm so frustrated. I've endured her interrogations for years now, no exaggeration. Mentally I can't take it much longer. I'm about to lose it.

Sorry if I rambled. I'm just so frustrated. 

-areyoukiddingme


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## fallensoldier (May 6, 2012)

areyoukiddingme said:


> The historoy...Where to begin...
> 
> I met my wife under false pretense, and it was completely my fault. I was separating from someone and didn't tell her that at the time. It was wrong, i took accountability.
> 
> ...


Wow. Speechless.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

When you say that when you met your wife you were separating from someone what does that mean exactly? Were you still having sex with this person? Did your wife find that out?


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

That explains a lot, makes much more sense. I think there are several things going on here. First, based on what little you've said about her past, she would seem to have started out with some trust issues. But then you compounded that in probably the worst way.


> I was separating from someone and didn't tell her that at the time. It was wrong, i took accountability.


 *How long into the relationship before you told her this? Before you were married or after?*

It is one thing to have a well established relationship which then blows up due to lies. But when a relationship starts out with lies, that's a huge mountain to climb. First, you might get a lot better advice & feedback over on the coping with infidelity forum.


> I don't think when you meet someone you have to reveal all the things that happened prior. Some things are not to be shared.


Maybe not when you first meet, but if you plan to marry someone, then you can't enter into it with this attitude. You are now paying the price and it may be that debt can never be erased with your W.

I think your only chance is to get into marriage counseling and to come completely clean - full disclosure.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

And this is what happens when you aren't upfront about who you really are when things turn serious in a relationship. I'm not condoning her behavior but I can see just a bit where that might make her crazy. The fact that you lied by omission makes it extremely hard for her to trust you. However she needs to learn that interrogating you isn't going to accomplish anything but drive you away.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Well, you could have been the biggest dog alive and boned thousands of chicks while with her and that would still leave the demand not to find other people attractive in the stupid bin. It's just an unreasonable demand, no matter the back story.

No person alive can say that there is only one beautiful person in the world. That's just ridiculous. 

More, people who say such things are lying and can't really be trusted. What you can say is that there is only one person you want to be with. That can effectively be true.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

She is insecure. You are not honest enough with her or otherwise disconnected as far as she sees it. You two need MC. And a change of scenery to reconnect. 

Take her on a trip. Show her that she matters. And, if she is still behaving this way, after a little attention, just stop enabling it and encourage therapy. 

Try the five love languages, too.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

There are so many things going on here. 
1. You say that your previous "open" relationship was private and not worth sharing with her. You also say since your wife ended up finding out about it, you have told her that was a thing of the past and something you are not comfortable with and would never pursue again. Unfortunately your words at this point don't really mean a lot, because what stands out in her mind is that it was easy for you to lie to her. (how you got together and your history) 
I have read a number of threads on TAM about past sexual history being one's private business. I don't really agree with that. Sexual history is like many things a prospective partner uses to judge compatiblity in a mate and given that you knew her limited history I believe what is closer to the truth is that you didn't tell her about it because you didn't want her to judge you. 
For me it is much the same as someone who is a recovery drug addict. If I met someone who had been addicted to drugs for years and was now clean and was holding down a stable job and had turned his life completely around, I believe I still deserve the right to know his history. I get to be the judge as to whether I take that chance and risk with someone. (Ther always is a chance of relapse, there is a chance of trading one addiction for another etc etc) I have the right to weigh those pros and cons. I don't believe someone else gets to make that decision for me by an act of omission. It may be wrong for me to be judgemental and lack faith in my partner's ability to stay clean, but that is still my decision. It is my decision based on my principles, faith, compassion, morality and a host of other things. It omit is an act of betrayal wrapped up in a "privacy" bow IMO.
When did she find out? Is it close to this last 12 weeks of fighting?
Was it close to the time she asked you if you found another woman attractive? Is the other woman you commented on someone you both know or someone random you saw in a public place? If it is someone you both know, your history has sparked this silliness.

2. She is really insecure. You can't make her more confident, but you can acknowledge that she feels betrayed, and acknowledge that it was a mistake on your part to with hold the information, stop expressing that you were justifide to withold the information. Re-inforce that you are doing what needs to be done to be transparent. Ask if there is something else you can do to make her more comfortable. Suggest IC.
3. Take control of the day-in day-out fighting. Express that you are willing to do what it is that she needs but you have a condition. That condition is that the daily fighting about this issue stops. She is an active party to the insanity that is happening in your household and she needs to get a grip on herself.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I'm a man, hopefully you don't mind my opinion in the Ladies Lounge.

My wife omitted some very big things from day 1. Some she revealed at year 29 of the marriage, others I have uncovered since. What people have said to you about this killing trust is accurate.

You failed to tell your wife some important stuff. I don't know, and doubt really, that she asked you precisely if your previous relationship had been open. But you knew it was data you were keeping from her because you feared her reaction. So that makes it a secret which you kept in order to influence her decisions and actions. Bad stuff for a marriage!

I have questioned every aspect of our marriage, and I have felt that I don't know who my wife is or ever was. I don't know what is real in the relationship. I have great difficulty trusting anything in depth. Your wife probably has similar thoughts.

I think this is something which will need to be dealt with in your relationship in order to heal it.

The problem is that she has gone way far over the edge in reaction. Whatever you screwed up in the past does not require you to live under this kind of scrutiny and cross examination. I think there comes a point when you tell her she has some very short time to figure out how to get over this. You could suggest MC, or even polygraph for you. You can tell her she has this one weekend to ask any question which you will answer 100% fully and honestly. There has to be some kind of final point to this paranoia of hers, and then it has to be done.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Up until I thought she cheated the first time, I would say, "eh, she's okay." After, I just didn't care as much but, still tried not to make a real big deal out of someone else, no matter what I thought.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Rule one - NEVER get involved with someone whilst there are still others in the mix without being fully open and honest. You started this relationship be hidding things from her, things that are her business. Your W has found out a hidden part of your previous life and wasnt happy, indeed she felt betrayed. This is because you mislead her, so now her defense is what else is there, who else is there and is he being really hinest or not, when is he going to lie to be next? The list goes on. Because you were not transparent and decided to have a hidden provite life it has come back to haunt you and I dare say has haunted her as well. She is now fully engaged in lack of self esteem, she sees your behavious which may fluxuate as signs of you hidding things. She in fact does not know if you are truthful and open or not. In any loving relationship it is an unwritten rule THERE IS NO SECRETS OR PRIVATE LIFE. If you wanted a private life then you also want concelment. They dont go hand in hand with a loving relationship.....


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

She needs to get a grip on reality and maybe some counseling to find out why she is so insecure. I mean really...can she honestly say she finds no other man in the world attractive other than you? I'm not saying you are not...just that the statement is unreasonable and she is also being unreasonable to think that you can't admire another womans looks without losing your love for her...its crazy.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

Tell her my wife basically makes me watch Daniel Craig movies with her half the time before we get freaky as she finds it sexually stimulating to watch the actor prance around! And there have been plenty of others over the years.

Haha...obviously she finds him more attractive than me in SOME way!

Of course I cant exactly run around acting out a story for two hours....so what the heck....the actor is doing me a favor I suppose.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Good g*d! So.. your lies and secrets have fed her insecurities and low self esteem and this is the result.

I really doubt your going to live happily ever here. There is too much bad memories, personal history/baggage, lie/secrets and worst of all a loss of trust. 

Your wife definitely needs counselling...for herself. From what you post she has the lowest self esteem of anyone I read about. She really is extreme. 

Does she know any 'good men'? Her dad? Her church leader? ...anyone who hasn't cheated on her or lied to her, that she cares about and respects? As much as I don't personally relate to her behavior.. I can understand it somewhat after reading more of her/your history. 

You can't 'nice' her out of this though... IMO she needs some professional help...so she can just live a normal life. This must must torturous for her as much as you.


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## Wyrd One (Sep 10, 2012)

My initial reaction was that she'd either been A) Burned in the past and was left with a lot of insecurity, or B) Is attracted to another man, think's he "attractive" so when you say you find a particular woman "attractive" she is projecting her own feelings and deducing that must mean you're attracted to this other woman the same way she is attracted to this man.

After reading the whole thread I see it's answer A. She had no relationship for a very long time... the first time she lets her guard down and goes out with someone they betray her and cheat, leaving her emotionally scarred and uncertain about love. Then she finds another man, you, and you're great and aren't cheating, and you get married. Then she finds out you did have some "cheating-like" behaviors in the past and that triggers her worries and makes her wonder if that's how it is with every man. 

I don't think anything short of therapy is going to help here. You obviously can't continue on with the way things are.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

areyoukiddingme - For sure your wife needs professional help with her insecurities - I'm guessing this is easy for you to agree with. 

However, if it is the case that you cannot see that you have nourished and multiplied her initial insecurities in the most unhealty way, then you need more therapy than she does. If you are able to *genuinely *own your own huge contribution to her over the top behaviour, then there might be some hope for the marriage in the long term. 

Again, you have to own your part in this mess and have true remourse for it. Just being sorry you ex-wife spilled the beans will not do. It's not your exes fault you didn't tell your current wife about the open relatioship. Plus there seems to be some ambiguity about cheating at the start of your relationship with your current wife. I am not quite clear about this but you need to come clean, plain and simple with your wife if the two of you want to move on. 



Can I also say that if you are reluctant to openly talk about all this with your wife she will become even more insecure than she already is. Everytime she senses that you don't want to talk she worries you have something to hide and that more revelations will come out of the woodwork in the future. It's a vicious cycle I'm afraid.

She'll want to know why you have chosen to be in a "closed" relationship now. Why you didn't come clean in the beginning. Why she had to learn about your past from a third party. Why you didn't think she should have the opportunity to know all there was to know and be able to make her own decision as to whether or not to pursue a relationship with you. 

You made a conscious decision to lie by omission. I can understand you did it because you loved her and didn't want to risk losing her but I guess this is a case of what can happen when material things are kept hidden. 

I really do hope you can both get some professional help and move on to a happier relationship, althought it certainly won't be easy and it won't happen overnight.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

TheCrunch said:


> areyoukiddingme - For sure your wife needs professional help with her insecurities - I'm guessing this is easy for you to agree with.
> 
> However, if it is the case that you cannot see that you have nourished and multiplied her initial insecurities in the most unhealty way, then you need more therapy than she does. If you are able to *genuinely *own your own huge contribution to her over the top behaviour, then there might be some hope for the marriage in the long term.
> 
> ...


:iagree::smthumbup: Well said


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

wow... I'd say since she only had one 2.5 month relationship before you, she lived at home to 26...

Maybe something from her childhood past then?? 
Ie, very controlling father? Or she knows & witnessed/witnesses her father cheating on mom??


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

I agree with Chelle D that there may be more going on with the wife than we know. (However, I have to admit, even without that type of background, personally I would still have HUGE insecurity in her position.)

areyoukiddingme - 
how would you feel if you wife's ex called and told you that she had mutilated his genitals when she found out he had cheated. Might you be insecure and be sleeping with one eye open! Even if she bent over backwards to try and reassure you that she had no intention of doing anything remotely similar to you, wouldn't you be wishing you knew this BEFORE you pursued a relationship with her. 

Sorry to be somewhat graphic, and (hopefully!) she has done nothing of the sort, but just try and put yourself in her shoes if you haven't already.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your wife has very insecure low self esteem issues. She may have been cheated on in the past? Whatever the reason, I wouldn't tell her again when you look at a nice looking woman. Keep it to yourself.

I prefer my husband not to look at other woman, I am his wife and I may feel inferior because I'd be afraid of him comparing me to her. I have flaws and it took me years after married to my hubby to accept my body. He's the one who built up my self esteem. I do know that men/guys look. I do know that they wonder what is underneath those clothes of these beautiful women. 

Your wife is jealous, but she probably overreacted? I don't know. I guess that depends all what you said to her. 

I use to get jealous in the beginning of our marriage. After a couple years with my husband being so attentive of me, those feelings went away. My husband does not look at other women when we are out together. I've often looked at him to see if he's looking. He gives me his full attention. I really appreciate this too.


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

Hmm.... Its a tough one. You just have to ask yourself are you willing to put up with this madness forever? If you are up to the challenge, I think you are making a good effort. Communication is key and obviously you are doing that from what you stated. It's like you have to satisfy the beast but not entertain it. So answering her questions are fine and hell you can be descriptive. The GPS tracking and even calling PI's on you? Thats a bit much. Im sure both of those were investments that she could have saved. She sounds a bit controlling but you sure she isnt reacting like this because of things in the past? Thats when it boils down to you accept where this has ended up or you can stay F* it and move it. Im telling you, its exhausting but look where you two started from?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

The balance is dangerously tipped in your relationship with your wife, with her feeling totally insecure about your feelings toward her & you feeling totally secure about those same feelings.

It sounds like you seeded this in her when you didn't disclose certain things & she has become obsessed as a result, which certainly isn't livable.

Why not try some MC to try to restore some balance. Each spouse should be able to recognize that we all find other people attractive, at the same time knowing that there is trust that we will keep our vows.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Someone on TAM once said: I'm not mad because you lied to me; I'm mad because now I can't believe YOU! 

What you taught her when you lied/hid specifics from her was that she can no longer depend on what you say to be true! From her perspective, each time you open your mouth, she has to ask herself the question: how long will it be before I find out what he just said is a lie; and if so, how much is it going to hurt? And in her mind, there is never a definite answer......just a constant wonder of when the rug is again going to be pulled out from underneath her. 

I'm sure she didn't ask to be cheated on in her first relationship; and I can almost promise you she didn't ask YOU to hide/lie to her either. What's worse: she heard about your deceit from the last person on earth she should have heard it from. The reason it's still going is because she's not yet reached the point where she feels secure in your relationship. Take the advice from some of the others and seek professional MC.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

heavensangel said:


> Someone on TAM once said: I'm not mad because you lied to me; I'm mad because now I can't believe YOU!
> 
> What you taught her when you lied/hid specifics from her was that she can no longer depend on what you say to be true! From her perspective, each time you open your mouth, she has to ask herself the question: how long will it be before I find out what he just said is a lie; and if so, how much is it going to hurt? And in her mind, there is never a definite answer......just a constant wonder of when the rug is again going to be pulled out from underneath her.


That is an amazing summation of the trust problem for the betrayed!


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

areyoukiddingme

I was thinking that for you it probably feels like, as you have not cheated on you wife, most of the replies you have received on this thread must seems extremely harsh. I'm guessing it's not what you wanted to hear but in your heart of hearts I would hazard a guess that you are not totally surprised. Either way, please know that people are not being harsh just to make you feel bad and, in anwser to your question "*Am I wrong?*" my answer is *NO you are not wrong to find the level of insecurity/suspicions from your wife to be intolerable*. 

I still stand by what I said in my earlier posts, but just wanted to answer your question and acknowledge the hell you are going through. 

As to your wife, sadly she will never have peace of mind as long as she feels the need to have to watch your every move. I am wondering if she has ever in the past suggested to you that you both go for counselling and, if yes, what your response was. 

Anyway, bottom line, it appears to me you really love your wife and she loves you too so I really do wish you both well.


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