# A man's needs?



## lovbeenadad (May 21, 2010)

Aloha
I have been browsing the forums for some time and finally decided to join,so here is my first post.

My wife and i have been married for 10 years and have 2 great kids.My wife is in her late 30's and iam in my early 40's.

I have noticed that my desire for sex has diminished over the past year.Up untill then i would say it was fantastic usually 3-4 times per week or pretty much anytime i wanted it.

I'am just confused and have been feeling like the title Say's 
" A Man's needs".Up till the past year i was feeling satisfied 
with just the act itself.I took great pride in getting to know my wifes triggers and knowing how to put here in the mood.I was very satisfied in knowing how to give her pleasure and what would push her over the top that usually ends in 4-5 g-spot orgasms-the problem is she is usually so exhausted afterwords
that i get the usual hurry-up and finish-so no big bang finish for me!
we have talked about this several times but when the passion starts she always wants the big bang for her-thus leaving me with the hurry-up and finish!
I'am just confused about my feelings and it is affecting my passion for sex.Is there something wrong with me ?I mean most guys would be great full to have sex whenever they wanted or as much as they wanted
any incite would be helpful


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

If you've noticed a diminished desire for sex over a time period it could be testosterone and you should get your levels checked. 

I'm in a similar situation with my wife... I'll work to get her to an orgasm through sex and she'll be happy to take as long as she needs to get there (usually within 5 minutes). But if I don't cum with her then she's the same way, she wants me to hurry and finish up! It's frustrating and feels one sides. But I wanted to say this because I've been going through this pattern for many many years and if anything my sex drive is higher now then it was 5 years ago. But everyone is different and your mental state can affect your libido to a point. But get yourself checked out anyway to make sure on your hormones.


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## lovbeenadad (May 21, 2010)

Aloha
Thanks for the info,i have been to my Dr and have had blood work done she Say's everything is fine.I I'am active and run allot and try to eat right.I think it's all in my mind and feel like i spent so much time trying to learn about my wifes body and her feelings in order to be a better lover, but feel a little disappointed with the hurry-up and finish thing!
I guess i just feel i have to invest so much time and effort
to give her the pleasure it should be reciprocated?
She seems to think that a males orgasm is an orgasm but i think
its the way you get there could be much more pleasurable then just a hurry-up and finish?
Is that wrong?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

One day I asked myself a question. Why is sex not boring/still great after 21 years with the same person? 

Answer: We both still make the effort to make it great - really great for each other. If my wife was selfish - or if I were selfish that would GREATLY impact the feeling we get from it. 

And hey - sometimes I give her the "treatment" and sometimes I receive it and many times we both do for each other. And the treatment simply refers to an extended time of totally focusing on your partner. 

Most guys would be conflicted in your situation - glad to have a partner who is good to have frequent sex, frustrated she is selfish. 

If it was me - I would get her there once - then go for my pleasure and let her know you are glad to revert to the multi-O routine as long as she promises not to cut you short at the end. 

The combo of never masturbating, connecting 2-3 times a week and extended/great foreplay is that when I hit the rapture it lasts and lasts....





lovbeenadad said:


> Aloha
> Thanks for the info,i have been to my Dr and have had blood work done she Say's everything is fine.I I'am active and run allot and try to eat right.I think it's all in my mind and feel like i spent so much time trying to learn about my wifes body and her feelings in order to be a better lover, but feel a little disappointed with the hurry-up and finish thing!
> I guess i just feel i have to invest so much time and effort
> to give her the pleasure it should be reciprocated?
> ...


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

lovbeenadad said:


> but i think
> its the way you get there could be much more pleasurable then just a hurry-up and finish?
> Is that wrong?


I was inclined to agree with you until I read this statement. So, now I have to say it depends on what "way" you're talking about. You give me reason not to imagine it is so simple. You are very considerate of your wife's sexual needs and deserve your own big finish too, but still you make me wonder what that means even though it doesn't seem you intended to provide such a clue. So what does it mean? By what "way" do you usually try to "get there". If it is anything your wife doesn't like or is painful, no of course not, she should not have to endure it. But maybe she does for your sake but still doesn't like it and like I said, maybe it is painful. So I, of course, have no idea how long you take or exactly what she has to endure. Being a wonderfully considerate lover does not give you license to compromise her.


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## lovbeenadad (May 21, 2010)

Aloha
Thanks for the replies.
What i mean by pleasure is almost anything but the I'll lay here and you just Finnish!
NOTHING THAT WOULD COMPROMISE HER IN ANY WAY!!!
Touching me and making me feel erotic ,taking her time so that i feel the pleasure building anticipating-teasing ,making me feel like i'am ready to explode !! a big finally!
hurry up and finish is a big let down?I'am starting to feel that if
a hurry-up and finnish is as big of a finally as i get i might as well just masturbate and get it over with and save myself the energy?


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## BlueFire (May 21, 2010)

I hear you.

My wife enjoys sex, but in the end it always has to end up being her position, her preferences, etc. Sometimes if she takes a while to come, I feel like setting up a TV in the room to watch while I'm working her, because it's always the same methods and techniques.

She rarely has the patience or desire to try and please/pleasure/'seduce' me. Why is it I'm the only one that seems to enjoy exploring her body and making her feel good? Sheesh, I feel like some kind of hired sex worker or something  I still get customers at work flirting with me, so it doubt it's a physical appearance thing.

Frustrating!


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## lovbeenadad (May 21, 2010)

Aloha
Thanks for all the replies!!
I had a heart to heart with my wife and told her my feelings and how it was affecting me and my desires!It went well ,she has noticed that things had slowed down in that department and was glad that i talked to her.She truly didn't know the extent that it has affected me and we came up with a game plan (so to speak)The good news is that she rocked my socks off -the bad news is my toes are still curled LOL.It was nice to here some incite and it gave me the courage to really talk to her about this as it is the most difficult subject for me when it comes to that part of my life.
Wow what a great weekend!!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

lovbeenadad said:


> The good news is that she rocked my socks off -the bad news is my toes are still curled LOL.


Too funny! Now you know the importance of communication. Glad it all worked out for the best.


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