# Not sure what to think



## plerner (Feb 28, 2012)

My husband and I just celebrated our 10th Anniversary on Feb. 9th. During the past 10 years we have had 2 children with special needs, in which our oldest almost died three times before age 2; moved 500 miles from family and friends and his sister just passed away last April from cancer at 34. As you can see things have been hard the past 12 months but I have tried to be as supportive and caring as possible to him. We have been distant lately but it has mostly been because he just wants to be anti-social. Due to the stress of losing his sister and deciding he needed to re-evaluate his life he started going to counseling a month ago.



Last night my husband took me by complete surprise and told me he loves me with all his heart but he just isn't sure he wants to be married anymore! He further went on to drop the bomb shell of having left work early last week to go see a lawyer to get information on divorce! (He says he is "just exploring his options". I am completely crushed. Sure we have been fighting about stupid stuff lately but in the past 8 years I haven't really worked since I was the one home raising our special needs kids. In October I started working two part time jobs and sadly spend almost 7 days a week working. I hate it but we kind of need the money. I am not sure what to make of this. He wants me to go to counseling and see if that helps but told me he doesn't think it will. (By the way, I have offered MANY times to go with him when I thought couseling was to help get over his sister's death but it turns out it was to cousel himself on how to get out of the marriage I guess.) I am so lost and confused. When I suggested moving out with the kids today he told me didn't think I needed to do that just yet. Anyone have any thoughts here? I love my husband and can't imagine life without him. He is my rock and I do tell him that all the time but he just stuffs everything inside and won't open up anymore since his sister died. Any advise would be helpful. I never thought I would ever have to go through something like this


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

It really sounds like he may be reacting to all the stress you two are under right now. I know you don't need me to tell you that having two special needs kids is extremely difficult and all the financial issues and his sister's death doesn't help. 

It's good, though, that he wants to go to counseling with you. That's a sign that there is still hope. Go to counseling and listen to his concerns. Stay strong and hope for the best. Maybe you two can work through this difficult time together.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Listening is great advice. So is talking -- openly and honestly. I believe most marriages that falter or fail do so due to a lack of open communication.

This is not the time to be 'right', this is the time to be a partner. Be able to look back on this time and know you handled it well, no matter what the outcome.

Take the counseling opportunity to create a safe environment for him to share and tell you ANYthing, including things that are going to hurt. Is there possibly someone else? Prepare yourself just in case with how you will react if there is. At the very least he's considering his options... Patience will count right now; it is time for you to be his rock, no matter how hard it gets through this process.


I am sorry that you are here; good luck to you.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

As the Father of a special child, I can understand what may be some of his dilemma.
Our daughter(whom I adored) was always my wife's number one priority and rightfully so. She needed all the extra help.

However there was always a part of me that felt that I should be number one. Although I understood that the thought was illogical and 100% emotional, it was uncomfortable to know that I would never be #1 in my wife's life.


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