# Have to be face to face with the OW#2 tomorrow -- Please give advice!!



## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

So, the day that I have been dreading is coming tomorrow. I have to be face to face with the OW#2. This woman, if you haven't read my story, is not the one that my EX cheated on me with while we were married. This was option #2 if I didn't forgive him for the first affair with OW#1 on his time table. And when I didn't, he went to her, literally the day that he told me it was over and that he was leaving. He drove to her house and that was that ... he has been with her ever since then. 

She has been a friend of his families for many years and so I know that she has been told all sorts of lies about me. I also know that she knew that we were trying to reconcile my marriage and she pushed him to leave me and be with her. She has a really messed up past and was already the OW in another marriage and ended things with that man once he was divorced. There is nothing good that I have ever heard of her and I don't like her b/c of her past and now b/c she is in my kids lives so much.

She has been living with my EX (and my kids when they are there ) for a few months now but I think that she is getting ready to move back to her home (that is 2.5 hours away) to go back to work. Her home is also right next door to my ex-inlaws house ... nice, huh? 

Anyways, my daughter has a school function tomorrow and of course her father and I are both going. For those that know about my EX, he is very manipulative and in private, is verbally abusive to me. In public, you would think he was the nices EX-husband there ever was. But now he has invited her to go and my daughter wanted her to go as well. My daughter told me tonight that I shouldn't go b/c I will yell and fight this OW. She probably got that idea from her dad b/c I have never lead her to think that.

How to do I act? Do I go up to her and offer my hand and say "it is nice to see you again, I am "daughter's name" mom. Should I wait until they approach me? Do I avoid them all together. I have zero respect for this lady and I would love nothing more than to tell her what a slimeball she is for being with another married man and coming inbetween a reconciliation of a family but then that would cause her to think that all the lies she has been told have been correct. If I offer my hand and she doesn't take it, what would I do? I am scared and I am nervous and I don't want to go but I can't do that to my daughter. I can't really get away with avoiding her b/c my EX will be where my daughter is and so will I. I know that she is probably more nervous than I will be b/c she knows what she has done but still ... I need help and advice please. I don't know how to handle this??


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## Beccascircus (Apr 24, 2014)

Ive been there and its one of the hardest things to do… Just kill her with kindness… Go up and introduce yourself (with your daughter in hand because she will calm you and give you the support you need) Act as if nothing about the situation bothers you.. The look in your daughters eyes when you do this will be all the praise you need, you are the bigger person.. She will see that. Plus it will show your ex he can no longer manipulate you as well as show your daughter how strong u are, and that the most important thing.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

:iagree:
Can't add more to that!


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

Beccascircus said:


> Ive been there and its one of the hardest things to do… Just kill her with kindness… Go up and introduce yourself (with your daughter in hand because she will calm you and give you the support you need) Act as if nothing about the situation bothers you.. The look in your daughters eyes when you do this will be all the praise you need, you are the bigger person.. She will see that. Plus it will show your ex he can no longer manipulate you as well as show your daughter how strong u are, and that the most important thing.


THanks so much and I will do this. It will be so hard b/c I am not good at this and my face gives everything away. I have only met this girl one other time and she was in my home ... after they had already started their .. whatever they have going on ... so we have already met. BUt I am going to do that .. I am going to walk up to her and introduce myself and say hello. This will be the hardest thing that I have ever done b/c I don't want to be nice but I know, in the end, I have to do this. I cry at the drop of a hat and I don't know how I am going to hold this in. He shouldn't even put me in this position b/c he knows how bad things are but I guess I should have seen it coming. Thanks again ... I will be the bigger person tomorrow and my daughter can be proud of that!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sherri, sorry to hear this. That sucks.

My advice: Go and say hi and keep your distance. You don't have to have a long-drawn out conversation. Take the high road and be classy about it. Do you have someone that can go with you? A friend? A sibling? Relative? Don't say much to her. You don't have to. Take the high road and you will come across well. Let her stew. She is probably nervous to see you too I bet. And she seems to have a pattern of being OW so I wouldn't be surprised if one day you com back here posting about how she's taken up with another married man and your husband found out.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Agree with others. Take the high road. If you see them across the room you can merely wave and have a seat. If they approach you, be polite and greet them and then go take a seat elsewhere. If she reaches out to shake your hand do so, then take your seat. You don't have to say "nice to meet you", you can say Hi, I'm Sherri or you can say "Hi, I'm John Doe's wife" if you want to 

Either way you can excuse yourself to go get a seat and if you think he's going to torture you by sitting right beside you, scan for a seat right between two people. Or look for a familiar face, go sit by them and plunk your purse in the seat next to you. Oops, saving that.


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

Hello all. Well, it ended up being in the gym where we had to stand. Started out with her car parking right behind mine with my EX driving. Then he said hello. I had two friends with me.

We walk inside and I went and stood right behind them both. And I smiled and laughed with my friends and my friends baby while we waitied on my daughter to finish. When I realized that we wouldn't be in front of my daugher, I knew I would have to say something. So, we had already noticed that the OW had a spider in her hair. So, I said her name and told her she had a spider in her hair and I got it out. I went then to talk to my daughter and on my way back, I stopped and said "It has been awhile, but I wanted to re-introduce myself and say hello and thank-you for being so kind to our kids. My Ex's jaw hit the ground. We then both talked about my daughter's hair and how the OW fixed it for my daughters class pictures and I told her that my daughters hair looked great and thanks for doing that and getting her the outfit. My EX didn't say a word. I told her it was great seeing her again and to have a great day and walked away. They left after that. Here is the funny part .. my EX kept grabbing the OW hand and kissing it and trying to be lovey in the school and in front of me. She kept pulling back from him when he kept doing it. I didn't say a word or even look at him.

I broke down afterwards but I kept it all cool in front and was nice, but not overly nice.

Then when I left, I got a call from my sister in law. She told me that her mother -- my EX mother in law, who is poison ... horrible person and mother. The mother in law was amazed by how nice I was. They thought that by her being there, that i would go and show my ass and yell and scream at her. But I didn't ... I was smiling and nice and cordial. He was the ass and they all know it.

I have had a rough day since. No matter what I tell myself, I am not over him and our marriage. But I also know now that by his actions these past few weeks, he isn't over it either. If he was, then he would be a man and not try to hurt me the way that he has and he for sure wouldn't be doing the things that he was doing if he truly was over me. I don't care, but it still hurts like hell.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

I know it hurts and that was so hard for you to do, but GOOD FOR YOU. You handled it with grace and class and showed your daughter (and the rest of them) how to be a woman. 

Be kind to yourself the rest of the weekend and know that you did good. I don't even know you, but dang, I am proud of you.


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Good for you. Do yourself a favor, though, and don't even try to understand what your ex is thinking or doing. It doesn't matter. What he did, he did. You did what your daughter needed you to do And that's all that matters. I'm going to see the exH this week at our son's college graduation. It's so hard and I think it always will be. But I keep my heart focused on what my son needs


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

sherri1997 said:


> We walk inside and I went and stood right behind them both. And I smiled and laughed with my friends and my friends baby while we waitied on my daughter to finish. When I realized that we wouldn't be in front of my daugher, I knew I would have to say something. So, we had already noticed that the OW had a spider in her hair. So, I said her name and told her she had a spider in her hair and I got it out. I went then to talk to my daughter and on my way back, I stopped and said "It has been awhile, but I wanted to re-introduce myself and say hello and thank-you for being so kind to our kids. My Ex's jaw hit the ground. We then both talked about my daughter's hair and how the OW fixed it for my daughters class pictures and I told her that my daughters hair looked great and thanks for doing that and getting her the outfit. My EX didn't say a word. I told her it was great seeing her again and to have a great day and walked away. They left after that. Here is the funny part .. my EX kept grabbing the OW hand and kissing it and trying to be lovey in the school and in front of me. She kept pulling back from him when he kept doing it. I didn't say a word or even look at him.


Damn that took serious cojones!

Your girl has a mom to be proud of.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

Good for you! She had a spider in her hair??? 

Next up, start joking about his flaws and weaknesses with the OW in front of him. Lol.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Wowee that was good!
You are so strong and classy. I bet you even surprised yourself!

I completely agree with the others that you should take care and pamper yourself the rest of the weekend. Being that strong is exhausting. It will get easier, and every time you can do it you will be stronger, too.
So very very proud of you.


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

Thanks everyone! I feel good about how I acted. I feel even better that his goal of bringing her was to try and break me. I know that my daughter asked her to come and I support that she was coming b/c of that .. even though my EX and EX mother in law had other plans. I am sure that they told her that I would do this and this and that but I didn't. I can be proud of that. I have now shown her that I am not the horrible person that they have made me out to be and she will think about that and the way that he acted. He didn't speak a word to me outside of saying a smart butt "hello". After parking her car behind mine when he could have parked anywhere.


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

And I forgot to mention earlier that I was kind of speechless on how ugly she is. I don't think I really have a mean bone in my body and I never really think that someone is ugly and if I do, then Iwould never speak outloud about it. My EX has killed my self confidence but it is slowly coming back but it did boost my ego to see that she isn't nearly as pretty as I am. In fact, she is just plain gross. I might feel that way b/c I know about her past and who she has been with before and that she has a record of doing this with other married men .. in fact, she left that other married man to be with my EX ... but she is not pretty and I am stunned that he chose her over me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sherri1997 said:


> And I forgot to mention earlier that I was kind of speechless on how ugly she is.


:rofl:

So I guess that saying is applicable here "they cheat down?"

Glad to hear you went and handled it well. 

Yeah just let them fall into their own hole. Be glad you're rid of him. Her history does not bode well for their future but good thing he is not your problem anymore.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Always take the high road.
Always look fantastic whenever you will see him or any of his w0res.

The way you handled it was epic! 
Do not talk bad about him. Just simply act as if he doesn't exist.
Continue to talk to the OW's as you did this one.

And now focus on yourself and finding a man who is actually worthy of you. WHo will adore you and treat you the way you should be treated.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Unique Username said:


> Always take the high road.
> 
> The way you handled it was epic!
> *Do not talk bad about him. Just simply act as if he doesn't exist.*


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And sometimes, there is NO bigger "Fck you" then pretending as if he just doesn't exist.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Aw, lovely job! Yes, this is emotionally exhausting stuff.  But you were a class act! Any any of the stuff he's been spreading (or the evil MIL) about you was just all wiped clean in an instant. AND you made your daughter feel relieved! Plus all of the stuff ex is doing to try to get you riled up, it didn't work!

I know it was hell on the inside, but HE doesn't know that.  And anything he might have suggested to the kids was also moot because you showed them, too.  

And if he IS narcissistic, ignoring him was the thing that pissed him off the most! So take a little joy in that.


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

Thanks everyone! 

I didn't even think of that. I did act like he just didn't exist. I didn't talk to him or even look at him. I smiled and laughed with her, but didn't pay any attention to him and this makes me smile!

He didn't seem to upset about it all but I am sure that is something he hid well in front of her and when they were alone again, I am sure that he defended his idea of what I was going to do with new excuses. It is such a sad cycle.

It has bothered me in more ways than I wish to count, but you are right, he doesn't know this and he never will!

Thanks again everyone -- I am really happy with the way things turned out for what I was expecting to be my worst nightmare since this whole ordeal started. It really helped that she was open and nice too but it proved to her and my daughter that he is not right about me .. regardless of what excuses he made to her afterwards, she knows my actions and that is all that matters!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sherri1997 said:


> I didn't even think of that. I did act like he just didn't exist. I didn't talk to him or even look at him. I smiled and laughed with her, but didn't pay any attention to him and this makes me smile!


This probably left him even more confused. Good! 

:smthumbup:


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

I got through sons college graduation, with the exH. Spent the night before with both sons and girlfriends, dinner and drinks, no ex. He sat with us for the ceremony, we did pics outside and he had to go back to work, so I got the gang for lunch all to myself. I said hello, gave him a kiss, but not much else. Had several tearful moments but mostly for my son because I know how hard it was for him to finish this degree with all the family upheaval. Still so strange to have him walk away, go to be with another family, but I didn't lose it and that's all I wanted. In fact, I did better than that, I had a great weekend with my kids


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Wow. I fully expect this to be my life at a point in the near future. I applaud you for being so together despite Mr. Douchey McDouchbag and his ridiculousness. She isn't any better than he is, so rest assured that one will cheat on the other and that they both will get what they deserve. 

Hope you are doing well.


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