# Married only for 2 years and barely having any sex



## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

I've been with my partner for 8 years and been married for 2. 
We used to have sex whenever we saw each other, then slightly less perhaps once a week. After we've been married he seems to have lost interest.

I told him the truth that physically interaction is important to me and asked him why. He said even after marriage we still used condoms and that was making him disinterested. He also said I wasnt very sexy (broke my heart) and didn't turn him on. Fair enough, I felt I wasn't being reasonable and we've just stopped using condoms for about 6 months now. At first we were having sex atleast once a week, but after a month, he never really tried.

He felt sick the last couple months saying he has stomach problems. I then tried to cook for him everyday after work hoping he'd get better (eating out too much was the source of the stomach probs). He usually does the dishes afterwards but i would do them too hoping that he'd have enough energy and feel better enough to have sex afterwards. I always got hopeful but he'd end up being tired. It really made me feel unsexy, unattractive.

Now he's much better. I still cook for him after work and try to nurture him hoping he'd want to have sex. Nothing. We are even trying for a baby and yet hes barely even trying. I asked him why he's not doing the deed if he and his family wants a baby so badly and he just replies "he's not feeling like having sex". Half the time we do, it feels like pity sex, it's just fast and lifeless. When i try to casually initiate anything he will say he's tired or he doesn't try to go forward. 

I've brought this up 3 times now since early 2013 and it's starting to feel embarrassing. What am I supposed to do? It's really bringing my confidence down. I feel the marriage is breaking because i am not being physically loved. I've been getting increasingly upset because i feel i've tried so hard but nothing is changing. :scratchhead:

It's hard to tell people I know personally. I hope someone can give some insight ...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

After getting married, you should trust each other, no more insecurities and no more condoms. Birth control is one of many other options.

He could of been low sex drive LD in hiding, got married for the wrong reasons and now his true LD is coming out? It's called bait and switch.

You sound like an ideal wife, wanting sex and often.:smthumbup:

He may be LD and you are HD, sexual mismatch.

He could be seeing someone at work, co worker, affair?

Secretly sexting, porn, something?!

Most guys have high sex drives and would never turn down their women.:scratchhead:


Or maybe he doesn't want kids yet?????


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> After getting married, you should trust each other, no more insecurities and no more condoms. Birth control is one of many other options.
> 
> He could of been low sex drive LD in hiding, got married for the wrong reasons and now his true LD is coming out? It's called bait and switch.
> 
> ...



Thanks cuddlebug ! I've rid all thoughts about using condoms at all now. 
I did for a moment believe he was perhaps seeing someone else. However, he places being faithful so high in his books that it seems unlikely this would be the case. 

He and his parents have been longing for kids since we got married two years ago. 

Perhaps he is a LD.... I see a long post about that.. better start reading ...


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## Heavywithahammer (Feb 1, 2014)

My wife and I are similar in that we have been together 10 years and married 2. This happens on occasion where she just loses interest for long periods of time and I can put up with it for a while, but after a while I have to basically tell her that I MUST have sex so she needs to step it up. To be honest, and this will surely lose me a lot of friends, but I would recommend porn. I love sex but I have grown to love sex with myself just as much. I have to get off at least once a day, and that's just the way it is. My wife knows it and chooses whether my getting off will be with her or not, but either way it's gonna happen.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

recommend a check up at the Dr

may be low T, is his job stressful? does he drink any?

T check may or may not be issue but it at least rules it out


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Does he use Porn? is it possible he's been wasting his sexual energy here?

How disheartening his coming out and saying what he did ...... I think a man can do better to encourage his wife than the way he talked to you.. anyone would be very hurt. 

His being *tired* often after work....if there is any "brain fog", irritability...stress in his life... could be his Testosterone his dipped lower in these last few months....there is a wide range for men ...from 300- 1100 or so.. worth getting this checked if you are concerned....

Is he on any medications ? -this too can zap the sex drive....

Also maybe he is being passive / evasive -how he really feels about having kids.. it may just be what his parents want...


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

I would put the baby making plans on hold indefinitely until/if this is worked out. He needs to communicate with directness with you. You shouldn't be having these sexual problems so early in the marriage.

Has he actually got a sex drive? How do you know/answer this question?
- directly asking
- how often does he feel horny?
- how often does he masturbate?
- is he watching porn and expending all his sexual energy on wanking off with screen time?

You don't want to be stuck in a sexless marriage with a baby/babies - so much harder to get out.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Does he really want a child?

How old are the pair of you?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Get rid of him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Low Drive people always have one excuse or another so I think that you should disregard anything he says about you not being sexy or any other blame he tries to put on you. -It is his problem.

LD people always seem to have problems talking about sex. An HD person would tell you specifically if something was needing to change to make sex better. 

HD people take an active interest in sex. They talk about it, read about it, etc.. It is like any other "hobby" but much more fun.

I suppose he could investigate possible medical problems or perhaps he needs to see a therapist. If he does not actively try to change than you should consider this his standard and will probably only get worse.


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> recommend a check up at the Dr
> 
> may be low T, is his job stressful? does he drink any?
> 
> T check may or may not be issue but it at least rules it out


He doesn't work. I talked to him honestly about the issue yesterday night and he proclaimed that he feels he hasn't done anything in life and it's affecting his attitude (and sex drive). 

I have a much longer post in the general discussion forum about me feeling he's overly mothered and acts like a child. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Does he use Porn? is it possible he's been wasting his sexual energy here?


No I don't believe so. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Is he on any medications ? -this too can zap the sex drive....


He took meds when his stomach was in pain but not on a regular basis. 




FizzBomb said:


> Does he really want a child?
> 
> How old are the pair of you?


I'm 28 and he's early 30s. In fact, I was the one who was quite against having a baby at this time. He and his parents really want one and finally persuaded me. Now he's barely even trying. 

Thank you for all the support!


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

usmarriedguy said:


> I suppose he could investigate possible medical problems or perhaps he needs to see a therapist. If he does not actively try to change than you should consider this his standard and will probably only get worse.


I am starting to feel he is a LD husband. I tried to openly talk about the situation last night again and told him how i felt inside when we weren't having physical intimacy. How low my confidence is and how upset i feel.

He's dismissed them and said people lose a lot of drive after marriage. He even got defensive when i talked about seeing a counselor and he replied maybe his "down there" is just not functioning as well now and I should find someone else to satisfy me. 

The discussion got heated after I mentioned this and also about what he will do about his work (long story in the general discussion forum if interested). This is the first time he's gotten so angry that he's still not actively talking to me the next day (usually he acts normal again over night).

This is crucial to me and I feel like he's not taking it seriously nor trying to solve problems. After this and his inability to figure out what he wants to do with his life and getting upset over it really makes me feel why i married this guy. 

Thanks for listening to me vent. This is really a difficult stage in life.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

OP, I just read your other thread, and honestly, your marriage has HUGE problems. You need to get yourselves to counselling asap.

Babies need to be put on hold indefinitely. It's not his parents decision as to when, or indeed if you two ever have children. None of their business.


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

frusdil said:


> OP, I just read your other thread, and honestly, your marriage has HUGE problems. You need to get yourselves to counselling asap.
> 
> Babies need to be put on hold indefinitely. It's not his parents decision as to when, or indeed if you two ever have children. None of their business.


Thank you frusdil for your honest words. He 100% does not want to go see a counselor. I guess I can go by myself and at least get a clearer view of what I can do. 

If I've given my full efforts and it's really not working out, at least I've tried my best.


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