# What to do?



## nimble11 (Jan 18, 2013)

I split up with my only Love almost 20 years ago. It was on a different continent, during a civil war. We were of different ethnicities and got separated by the war. We both just turned 20, when the war started (and were in relationship for 3 years before then). We kept constant contact for the first two years (letters, phone calls), then ended it - she was under too much pressure by her parents to stop all contacts with me.
We kept occasional contacts for the next year or so, then I decided to move on. I immigrated to US, after a few tries entered a stable relationship, and eventually got married. Kids came soon after. However, I never stopped loving her.
We got in contact again 10 years ago, wanted to do something more, but I was married with a kid, so we (painfully) decided that staying apart is the best option. We lost the contact again. For the next couple of years we were both fighting (clinical) depression, but managed to overcome it.
I tried to become a model father and husband. My family and I have lived normal and stable life. My wife has always loved me. I love her too, but more as a friend to whom I don't want to do any harm, not as a true love for which I'd move mountains...
Six months ago, my Love contacted me once more (online). Flames got ignited again... She never got married I learned. She still wanted to grow old with me. I want that as well. But I waited for six months, for all hormones to “wash” themselves away, before admitting anything. 
Six months has passed, and I still feel the same. However, I am torn - how can I choose between loving wife and happy children on one side and Love of my life on the other?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You love a memory, not the person.

All that love you have, give it to your wife and you'll be surprised what it could do for your marriage.


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## nimble11 (Jan 18, 2013)

That's what I thought 10 years ago (to give all my love to my wife)... If that was true, how come it is being repeated again now? That's what is tearing me apart.


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