# need advice part 2



## losinghope27 (Nov 12, 2011)

I posted yesterday and didn't get many replies or help. I was just wondering if someone could help me out today? My husband moved out this past Thursday and we haven't talked since friday afternoon when he told me he didn't like me. I haven't called him and he hasn't called me. I'm 3 mths pregnant and very emotional I have done nothing but cried for the last couple of days and took sleeping pills to not worry about my current situation. I think he moved out basically because I argue everday and I don't trust him and its constant chaos. I just want to know should I call him today? I really miss him. My sister spoke with him last night and he told her he was coming back home I just need to cool off. Is this a good sign? Should I call or continue to guess?


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

For two weeks, when you feel an urge to say ANYTHING negative, just bite your tongue and replace it with something sweet. 

After two weeks of that do it for another 50 years and you will be fine. 

In other words, knock it off.


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## losinghope27 (Nov 12, 2011)

Simple and sweet!!! THANKS!!


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

constant nagging and accusation drives others away. STOP . thats the palce to start

P.S. You have four posts nearly identicle? You need to delete all but one.


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## sharonND (Nov 7, 2011)

Losinghope,
I have been married for 10 years and its had its ups and downs. If this is the first real down for you guys (dont know how long you been married) I suggest you guys go to counseling. It really helps get you guys back on track and focus on the issues and improving them. I also recommend you guys write your feelings down and talk about them and solutions, don't focus on insulting one another. Express how you feel and what you are willing to do to improve the situation.

I agree nagging is never good so definitely work on that. I used to nag a lot in the beginning and have decreased a lot as I am getting older, lol. Unfortunately I also tend to give in a lot to my husbands wants to prevent arguments. You may need to try this. Realize not everything is worth fighting over and he needs to win sometimes (or at least think hes winning). You are pregnant and very vulnerable. Try to relax, rekindle those flames with him. Talk about it, go to dinner, have some hot sex and try to regroup.

The most important thing you need to do is let him know you love him and want to work it out and you NEED him. Do not ever falter these messages to your husband.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Sorry for your dilemma. But have you ever considered it's not what you DO but who you ARE? My blushing bride spends all day at some level of discontented crankiness and simmering anger. She's scold and nag - she SAYS she's a scold and a nag and has often quipped she LIKES being a scold and a nag. Maybe she's serious. In any case, the problem is not her behavior it's the person underneath. Behavior can be adjusted but personalities can't be adjusted. 

Here's what I do for a wide range of human interactions. I think, what would a complete stranger who's neither invested nor defensive think about you. Just an ordinary calm passer-by, what would they think about what you do? And if I conclude that almost everyone would conclude you're a crazy beotch who literally cannot STFU about ANYTHING, then that who you ARE. It's about your behavior, it's about you. So the question you have to ask yourself is 'what's the upside for me to knowingly drive off everyone in my life after a long series of outrages, assaults and imagined wrongs?' How am I happier about ME the person when I do that? Just take the other person out of the equation for a minute. Don't frame this in terms how your inner harpy makes him miserable. Think about what it is about that that comforts you about you? Then you might learn something about yourself. You may not be able to change it but at least you'll know why and be aware about how you destroy your relationships.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Constant chaos... not good.

Some chaos ok.

Look DEEP IN THE MIRROR.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

You have a kid on the way. Get some help, so you don't mistreat the child, as well.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Calm down. You're hormonal. Give the guy some space.

Now, where is the lack of trust, constant arguing, and chaos coming from? You guys need to talk about these problems without getting angry and freaking out. 

Journal about the problems. Where are your faults? Are you being abusive to him? Can you talk to someone (maybe your sister) about this to see if you can get a perspective on whether your behavior is contributing to the problem? Problems don't just happen with one person and you have to look at yourself to see what you've done to allow those problems to take a hold of your marriage.

Don't give up. Take this opportunity to figure out what needs fixing!


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