# What would put you off a woman as marriage material?



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I have just been reading that ^^^ insanely long thread about the fiancee and the photo and if she cheated...

I have a question for all. REMOVING the cheating aspect... How does a woman's past figure when a man wants to look for "forever" material? 

Do guys have rules? Like does (did) anyone use certain indicators to rule out women? Anything a dealbreaker such as over a certain amount of partners? Previous one night stands? Length of time before sleepung with someone? Particular activities that have happened in the past?

Or would you as a guy judge on who someone is now rather than past? Do you make a judgement based solely on what you see now? Or a combination of past history?

Would it put you off if a woman had previously slept with someone right off but made you wait?

Have been fascinated by reading plenty of things on here so do share!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

OK, I'll bite, even though I am female.

Basically, at a certain age, everyone has baggage. Everyone. And if they don't, they aren't someone you want anyway -- I'm in my early 50's, and I would have NO interest in a guy my age who had never dated at all. 

Having said that, I think a certain amount of non-disclosure about the past is appropriate. My H knows about my former marriage and a former serious boyfriend. He has never asked about the number of sexual partners I've had, and I wouldn't answer if he did -- because everyone has an ideal number in mind, and if you are below or above that, then what? And I haven't asked his number either.

You'll get a lot of varied responses to this, good question!



I


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Ah well you see that's another potential factor - age. Could such judgements change depending on the age of the man looking AND the woman he's looking at?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I think so, yes.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

DXG said:


> If she is a party Girl, even if she says, i love you and want to spend my life with you. I would not trust it.
> 
> Also I have seen many women with a lot of guy "friends" that had sex with her at one time and now are friends


That stuff would turn me off too. If she had been divorced, I would want to know why. If she left just because she wasn't "happy" anymore and didn't have good reasons, I wouldn't want that.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, Southbound, at a certain point, that's what all divorces are about. 

I hate to keep playing the age card, but really, people get divorced and generally, interrogation about the reasons is not part of the dating process.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

DXG said:


> If she is a party Girl, even if she says, i love you and want to spend my life with you. I would not trust it.
> 
> Also I have seen many women with a lot of guy "friends" that had sex with her at one time and now are friends


DXG - what if, say, she USED to be a party girl, maybe in her younger years, but after had a history of being settled and out of that lifestyle? Would that alter things?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

This is going to strike many as horribly unfair, but I'd advise my sons (and daughters) to avoid anyone with clear issues from childhood. Too often that seems to manifest later in life as an inability to maintain a healthy relationship.

Come to think about it, I could go on at length: compatible goals, having goals period, work ethic, blah blah.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

GTDad, I agree. And anyone who doesn't have a reasonable relationship with their FOO needs to tell me why -- I mean, some FOOs are toxic and cutting ties is wise, but if they simply cannot maintain a relationship with their normal parents/siblings? That's a red flag.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

married multiple times. red flag

poor money skills/management. red flag

high maintance. to worried what they look like instesd of worring about how they act.

short temper....yelling and screaming when they don't get their way or passive agressive when they don't get their way.

mental illness in their family . the apple don't fall far from the tree.

substance abuse.

lack of sexual desire and openess to talk about such things.


man hands.........I like soft woman hands.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

What's FOO?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> What's FOO?


Family of origin?

I'm guessing.

It would be funny if it was slang... like a word short for FOOL.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

GTdad said:


> This is going to strike many as horribly unfair, but I'd advise my sons (and daughters) to avoid anyone with clear issues from childhood. Too often that seems to manifest later in life as an inability to maintain a healthy relationship.
> 
> Come to think about it, I could go on at length: compatible goals, having goals period, work ethic, blah blah.


I think issues certainly something to consider. My x wife came from a dysfunctional family who liked drama. On the surface, they appeared to be a great family, but they had issues. On the other hand, I grew up in Mayberry, so to speak. Everything in my family was done with applied logic. I can't think of a single issue that amounted to anything when i was a kid. My childhood was filled with happiness and contentment. So, in that regard, we came from opposite ends of the spectrum. I think that probably contributed to our divorce.

Although she seemed very issue-free throughout our marriage, I guess those childhood issues still made their mark. After 18 years, she told me she wasn't happy any longer and suddenly everything I had done was wrong, even though I thought it was quite vanilla. 

I guess I wasn't a good enough psychologist to know how to deal with someone who had had issues in their childhood. I've said to myself that if I ever find someone else, I hope it is someone who didn't have issues.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Yes, it's Family of Origin.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

lamaga said:


> GTDad, I agree. And anyone who doesn't have a reasonable relationship with their FOO needs to tell me why -- I mean, some FOOs are toxic and cutting ties is wise, but *if they simply cannot maintain a relationship with their normal parents/siblings? That's a red flag.*


Yes and no. Sometimes, what is normal to one person is not normal to another. My family has always been close knit. I am close to my mom, dad, sisters...pretty much everyone. My husband is not. His mom, while I wouldn't say she is/was necessarily crazy, is definitely annoying. Hubby and his sister had the same upbringing. Same parents, same house, everything. Sister was a troublemaker. Hubby was very docile. He has a tough time maintaining a relationship with his mom. Dad passed away a few years before we met. Based on the highlighted part above, it would be a red flag that his mom and he don't speak often, and when they do, it is at MY insistence. But my husband was definitely marriage material. And I wouldn't change that for anything.

Regarding baggage... yes, everyone has some sort of baggage. At this point, obviously the issues my husband and I have gone thru would be considered baggage. God forbid, if anything were to happen to him, and I had to re-enter the dating world, there would be a LOT of baggage. And that wouldn't be due to anything prior to him. I am a mom of 3 kids. Many men don't want that "ready made family", even at my age (37)...So imagine how that would be years down the road lol. Even men in their 50s have that thought. Not all, but some. 

Personally, I disclosed everything to my husband. I had more experience than he. It didn't deter him in the least. I gave him my number (2)... he gave me his (0). Even if he had been with 10 women, it wouldn't have bothered me. I would have wanted the number tho. It's about honesty. It's about trust. I wouldn't have asked for names or anything, but I would rather know how many before me. 

Anyway, my point is you can't always guess how they will be with you based on even normal families. And baggage, while everyone has it, some people want to know the "how many"s and "why"s... 

I have two sisters. One is divorced and remarried. One is getting a divorce now. Neither case was simply "I was unhappy". Both were due to infidelity. I would rather hear from a potential mate that "I divorced because (s)he cheated" rather than "I divorced because I wasn't in love anymore" or "I divorced because I wasn't happy anymore"... WHY weren't you happy? "I wasn't happy anymore" is a big red flag in MY eyes. I'd look at that, especially if he didn't elaborate, as "hmmm... when the going gets tough, he splits. Sorry, not the man for me. buh~bye"


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I dated a man for a while who was 14 years older than me. Had NO dating experience. He was nice and all, but...eesh...no game.


I like a past. Although, I'm a woman...I do like someone with life experiences, good and bad. Sow your oats before you get to me, please.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband has NO contact with his parents. They were extremely abusive to him. Red flag? Perhaps. But...shoot. My mom drives me crazy most of the time...and I never had a dad in my adult life.

I don't really look at FOO as how someone will be. I turned out ok and so did Hubs...for the most part


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

that_girl said:


> My husband has NO contact with his parents. They were extremely abusive to him. Red flag? Perhaps. But...shoot. My mom drives me crazy most of the time...and I never had a dad in my adult life.
> 
> *I don't really look at FOO as how someone will be. I turned out ok and so did Hubs...for the most part *


LOL Same with my hubby. Based on the behavior his mom and he told me about his dad...I am GLAD he's not like his dad!


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I'm trying to be honest and I think substance abuse would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.

Everything else, I think I could be pretty accepting that the past is in the past, as long as she was honest about her past and was able to explain in a way I could understand how things were different now. If she lied about her past to "protect me", that'd be a dealbreaker too.

There was a thread a while back where the gal slept with Guy A on the first date and made Guy B wait a couple months, and Guy B found out about it. I can think of so many reasons why that would be OK, it's usually the lack of communication and honesty that's the killer in those situations IMO.


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## Good Dog (Mar 28, 2012)

Acorn said:


> I'm trying to be honest and I think substance abuse would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.
> 
> Everything else, I think I could be pretty accepting that the past is in the past, as long as she was honest about her past and was able to explain in a way I could understand how things were different now. If she lied about her past to "protect me", that'd be a dealbreaker too.
> 
> *There was a thread a while back where the gal slept with Guy A on the first date and made Guy B wait a couple months, and Guy B found out about it. I can think of so many reasons why that would be OK, it's usually the lack of communication and honesty that's the killer in those situations IMO.*


Yes, this issue seems to be a problem for many couples, and ones that meet young especially. I know my wife and I had issues over this. I've read that there's just a fundamental disconnect between men and women over this issue, with each point of view representing a valid set of interests based in part on gender. So as you say communication and openness are really important here.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Acorn said:


> Everything else, I think I could be pretty accepting that the past is in the past, as long as she was honest about her past and was able to explain in a way I could understand how things were different now. If she lied about her past to "protect me", that'd be a dealbreaker too.


Generally, this would be me as well. Not too much that is an automatic deal breaker. For those that would raise red flags, I would want an understanding about how she has learned matured from those actions and how it makes her what she is today. In the original example, a woman with multiple ONS stands would not be a good fit for me if she continued to believe that casual sex was just good fun recreation (not that she is wrong or bad, just not a good fit for me), where as a woman with the same history but coming from a place where those ONS were part of a low self esteem and that she has learned that is not what she wants may well be a good fit.

I suspect the one thing I really could not get past was multiple cases infidelity in a relationship. I *might* be willing to move very carefully if it happened once (and even then I am not sure), but if twice, I would not waste my time or hers.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Deal Breakers when I was in my 20's:

Selfish Princess
Too much make up
No chest
Cold Personality
Unkind
Cigarette Smoker
Bad Hygiene
Loud
Untrustworthy (Cheater or Too Easy)
Materialistic
Financially Irresponsible
Sexual Hang Ups


Deal Breakers that I would add to my list now (Late 40's)

Doesn't like to exercize
Not college educated
Likes to be the victim
No personal goals
No hobbies

Oh well. Live and Learn.

Peace


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Enginerd...seriously? You're equating "no chest" with "bad hygiene"?

Yeah, I know that was your 20s, but still, honey, that's genetic. It's like a woman putting on her list "erect penis less than 8 inches." It's just shallow.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

LOL, where there's a pitcher, there's always a willing batter.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Oh, Enginerd...seriously? You're equating "no chest" with "bad hygiene"?
> 
> Yeah, I know that was your 20s, but still, honey, that's genetic. It's like a woman putting on her list "erect penis less than 8 inches." It's just shallow.



I should have broke it out into a physical attributes list, but its my preference regardless. I suppose the question from the OP should have been more specific. Women put things on their list all the time like hair and height requirements. I also should have said I like a "real chest". :smthumbup:. I like women with curves so an extra 20lbs never bothered me. I'm really not shallow. I swear.......

Peace


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I don't judge a woman for her past. LadyFrogFlyAway would have no problems with me. However, if a woman was a wanton **** in her past and tried to be prim and proper with me, that's a dealbreaker. I don't want to be any part of a woman fixing herself. That is, whether she was a freak in her past or a prude in her past, she has to be a freak with me.

One of the main things I considered before marriage was the length and quality of her parent's marriage. It's not really fair, but I think that if a daughter learned about being a wife from someone who throws away marriage repeatedly, that could be a problem. It's not a deal breaker, but it is something that I would want to get fully sorted out before I committed. For the record, both my parents and her parents have been married for 40 plus years.

I have essentially no requirements regarding physical attributes. I suppose if pressed I would generally prefer a woman to not be morbidly obese, but even then I wouldn't discount her outright. Large breasts? I couldn't care less.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

tobio said:


> Do guys have rules? Like does (did) anyone use certain indicators to rule out women? Anything a dealbreaker such as over a certain amount of partners? Previous one night stands? Length of time before sleepung with someone? Particular activities that have happened in the past?


I wouldn`t have married a woman who didn`t have a similar sexual history to me because sex is pretty important to me and I have not a single inhibition.

I needed an experienced woman with few hangs ups.



> Or would you as a guy judge on who someone is now rather than past? Do you make a judgement based solely on what you see now? Or a combination of past history?





> Would it put you off if a woman had previously slept with someone right off but made you wait?


Hmm..It depends on why she was putting me off.

Sex isn`t sacred to me so she couldn`t put me off for long because I wouldn`t stick it out without a good reason.

"Making me wait" is a sexual ploy and manipulation, a ruse for control.
I won`t be controlled sexually unless I allow it.
It`s an ego thing with me.
Making me wait is the best way to guarantee I won`t wait.

Sex for me can be a pretty deep emotional conduit to my lover.
It can also be a dirty raunchy primal drunk fest done for the pure pleasure it provides and nothing else.

My standards revolve more around personality and worldview than sexual history.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

lamaga said:


> Well, Southbound, at a certain point, that's what all divorces are about.
> 
> I hate to keep playing the age card, but really, people get divorced and generally, interrogation about the reasons is not part of the dating process.


I would hope that if two people get serious, they would be close enough to want to talk about their divorce. What if she divorced because she cheated? I would want to know, and I could understand any questions she had of me.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Agreed, Southbound, but as you are all tired of hearing me say, generalizations are silly.

When I met my H, my divorce was 17 years in the past. So yes, I did talk to him about it, but really, did it matter? Seventeen years ago? 

Not much.

All of which is to say that everyone's case is different.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

1. If her family did not like me.

2. If she turned out to be a prude

3. A clear lack of social bounderies

4. Mustache


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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

i think that now and days, everyone has a past. people do change. sometimes if they were a party type person, then they got it out of their system. sometimes not. i think some people dont have much time to decide if a person is right for them or not, because when you fall in love and decide to look into it, it doesnt matter because that person is everything to you. its hard to say from a mans point of view because im a female. but even many women dont see things the same way i would. and that makes me agree with tobio, that it depends on the age and the type of person.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Not a guy, but *I'm glad my dh didn't overlook me as marriage material because of my past*.


:iagree: Me too. My husband is very progressive. 

Most men have double standards about acceptable sexual behavior. That's why I believe a woman should never tell how many people she has been with, unless she is a virgin.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

lamaga said:


> GTDad, I agree. And anyone who doesn't have a reasonable relationship with their FOO needs to tell me why -- I mean, some FOOs are toxic and cutting ties is wise, but if they simply cannot maintain a relationship with their normal parents/siblings? That's a red flag.


Reasonable is subjective.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I'm not looking for "marriage material". I am talking just a serious relationship. For me, just the act of being in a committed relationship is probably a deal breaker so I should just remain single.  I can't imagine that too many people would want to enter in a relationship with my list of "dealbreakers" but here goes: 

I wouldn't want to deal with a guy's family...not his kids or his parents or anything. I have my own family, I don't need or want another. 

I wouldn't want to deal with a guy who wanted to restrict me in any way. I do what I want, when I want, how I want. 

I don't want to live with you. I need my space. Keep your toothbrush at home. 

You can't drive my Jeep. Only I drive my Jeep! And I put the top down and take the doors off too! 

I wouldn't to go out with a boring person. You better want to go out and DO things. I'm not the type to stay home and watch TV on a Saturday night. 

You had better like doing physical activity outdoors and be in good shape. 

I don't sleep with you on the first date, or the second or even after 6 months if I don't feel something for you. But once we are serious, you'd better like sex and be affectionate. No more cold fish in my life!

I don't care about your past. I'd rather not hear about it or deal with it anyway. What's done is done...but I don't to deal with your ex wife, girlfriends or hear about them. 

Yeah, I can see they are all lining up to go out with ME! :rofl:


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## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> For me, just the act of being in a relationship is probably a deal breaker so I should just remain single.  I can't imagine that too many people would want to enter in a relationship with my list of "dealbreakers" but here goes:
> 
> I wouldn't want to deal with a guy's family...not his kids or his parents or anything. I have my own family, I don't need or want another.
> 
> ...


Are u hot and good in bed?? The rest doesnt matter!! Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jealoushubby said:


> Are u hot and good in bed?? The rest doesnt matter!! Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All the crazy ones are good in bed. Doesn't mean you marry them though.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Enginerd said:


> Not college educated


It saddens me -but I know so many feel this way...... I was never college educated but I am not stupid or clueless on how to run a family, a marraige or how to manage $$ by any means. It is one insecurity that will rise within if I was ever found single again (which I pray not) because so many feel this way today, the woman is a 2nd class citizen if she does not have a degree, maybe lumped in with -excuse the expression ..."Trailer trash" or something. Just not always the case. 

My husband was very choosey...I will speak for him... if she had tatoos or peircings - she'd be out. He has said....."Married once & divorced...OK, we can all make a mistake......Married twice & divorced.....it's really looking bad....Married 3 times, it has to be YOU". 

My husband thinks the exact opposite of this >> 



> *Tacoma said*: Sex isn`t sacred to me so she couldn`t put me off for long because I wouldn`t stick it out without a good reason.
> 
> "Making me wait" is a sexual ploy and manipulation, a ruse for control.
> I won`t be controlled sexually unless I allow it.
> ...


 He has told me he respected me MORE because I made him wait....he sees sex as purely sacred. Maybe even more than I do. In our youth, we both did. 

And I am the exact oppoiste of many of Freak's thoughts (but not all) >>>


> *Freak on a Leash said*: I wouldn't want to deal with a guy's family...not his kids or his parents or anything. I have my own family, I don't need or want another.
> 
> I wouldn't want to deal with a guy who wanted to restrict me in any way. I do what I want, when I want, how I want.
> 
> ...


I'd be happy to take on another family, I enjoy people for the most part. 

I'd want to live with the guy, I don't need space, and we can share the toothbrush even! 

He can drive my car so long as he won't wreck it -I live to share with my partner - all things, even when we eat out- we'll share our meal, he takes a little of mine , I take a little of his -so we get more variety. 

As our union slowly grew, I'd desire to learn of his past, there would be nothing he needed to fear to say to me...I would consider it a huge plus if wanted to spill it all, every corner. For me, this is about a willingess, an openess to bare all things with the other...if he wasn't willing & made me feel like an intruder for asking, we would bonk heads relentlessly.... another one bites the dust.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

tobio said:


> Or would you as a guy judge on who someone is now rather than past? Do you make a judgement based solely on what you see now? Or a combination of past history?


Mostly present history. 

What came up a lot on that other locked thread is the "exclusivity" talk. For me that is a HUGE disconnect from me, or even most people I know personally. My whole mindset is that you have sex after you are exclusive. If I were dating for two months and we had sex, to me that is already a presumption that you are exclusive. No, I wouldn't have it as an 'exclusive' talk, I'd have already talked about her views on sex and would have moved on if she was still with multiple sex partners.



tobio said:


> Would it put you off if a woman had previously slept with someone right off but made you wait?


I don't know for sure because I haven't been there. If this is in regards to the other popular thread, in that example it would be hard. The issue there is that it wasn't that she had a meaningless fling with a guy, it was a choice to have sex with a guy she was romantically into. It would be easier to take if it was a one night stand because that would just be scratching the itch. Here it was that she had a guy that turned her on so much she threw herself at him. It'd always make me think that she was into me for other than my sexuality and the sex would always lack urgency from her.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> All the crazy ones are good in bed. Doesn't mean you marry them though.


I have a couple of buddies who've been there. Beautiful women who are freaks in bed. To a degree I envied the freak sex they had and their stories about it, but I never wanted their troubles. Both guys dated them and refused their pressure to get married.

Now both are married to the absolute opposite in personality. They met anti-drama women and put a ring on their finger very fast.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> Most men have double standards about acceptable sexual behavior. That's why I believe a woman should never tell how many people she has been with, unless she is a virgin.


I don't ascribe to that view. I'd be ticked to find a trickle truth down the road.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It saddens me -but I know so many feel this way...... I was never college educated but I am not stupid or clueless on how to run a family, a marraige or how to manage $$ by any means.


This is meant just for SA. 

In my book, intelligence and being "switched on" doesn't necessarily equate with being well educated.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I was looking for a girl with a lot of attributes like my mother.

Weird I know. I don't think it was a consious decision though. She had to be smart. Not interested in clubbing/bar hopping. Strong values and committment. Hard personality...almost too prickly. I believed that those attributes as a wife and mother would get my eventual family through any kind of hardships.

If I was totaly right I wouldn't be here. You lose something in a wife when you choose one with less emotions. But as far as being a mother I hit a home run.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> This is meant just for SA.
> 
> In my book, intelligence and being "switched on" doesn't necessarily equate with being well educated.


Agreed. Some of the most dense people I've ever met were formally educated.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I have a couple of basic expectations if I was in the position to marry again - if part of her past is off the table, so is a wedding ring. If we can't seek to value each other's family (children) as much as our own, and keep them from being a wedge between us, then the marriage question should never come up in the first place.

Thing is, I can be pretty reasonable about the past. I even surprise myself sometimes. I might not even ask about certain aspects of the past but I will look for existing character flaws, or a lack of maturity concerning keeping the marriage strong and vital, before getting into a relationship that could potentially cost me my retirement dreams to get out of. 

Going into it, I'd expect that many people just couldn't see eye-to-eye about the standards for "marriage material", but that's what the whole process of getting to know someone is all about anyway.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

Lack of intellectual curiousity

No opinions

No sense of humor

Not knowing how to cook the basics.

Never coming up with ideas to do fun/interesting stuff and always expecting the man to keep it new and exciting

Expecting the man to work and stay home - but yet doesnt act like a homemaker 

Trying to change me

Not being willing to work but thinking she has final say on how the money is spent

Not meaning what she says and expecting a mind reader

Being more than a social drinker

Not having a high sex drive and lack of initiating sex


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

No qualifiers here but then I have been off the market for 37 years.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

sinnister said:


> *I was looking for a girl with a lot of attributes like my mother.*
> 
> Weird I know. I don't think it was a consious decision though. She had to be smart. Not interested in clubbing/bar hopping. Strong values and committment. Hard personality...almost too prickly. I believed that those attributes as a wife and mother would get my eventual family through any kind of hardships.
> 
> If I was totaly right I wouldn't be here. You lose something in a wife when you choose one with less emotions. But as far as being a mother I hit a home run.


Nah, not weird.
You are not alone in this regard.

I never got along well with my mother as a teen / young adult.
I thought she was domineering and controlling. She was divorced,a single parent. 
In my dating years Imy objective was never to get married. I dated females who were the exact opposite of my mother. Back then my only criteria was women who were beautiful [ physically],and were party girls.
My mother NEVER approved of any of them.
The " last of the Mohicans " was a pretty girl called Cheri,who was having problems with her boyfriend. I just wanted sex , but somehow after the first time I felt something. It was passion, That was a first. We kept together for sometime and I was in love with someone who not in love with me. She was GOOD in bed. She was eye candy. On the night I dumped her,I cried. That too was another first.
Then my "wife" came along she was EXACTLY LIKE MY MOTHER.

In retrospect,my mother had set the template in my psyche as to what to look for in a woman for marriage . After her divorce , she NEVER remarried , nor had men coming around. And she was divorced before age 30. She loved music, used to dance but she was never a party girl. In my " wild days " mom never approved of any of the girls I brought home.
My wife is the only one that met her approval.
By then I was a grown man ,and for the first time,I respected my mother's choice.

That girl I fell in love with before my wife, [Cheri] went on to marry her boyfriend. We remained friends. She had children for him etc. Some years ago, wifey and i were at home relaxing one night,suddenly she told me that she was " feeling for Gyros ." No problem. I jumped into car and went down town to get them. It was 10.30 PM. While driving I saw Cheri in a " compromising position " ,in the arms of a man who was not her husband. She didn't see me.
When I reached home I simply hugged my wife really close for a few minutes, and said " hon, I love you."


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> All the crazy ones are good in bed.


 I don't feel a woman has to be CRAZY to be good in bed...plenty of "Ladies" outside of the bedroom ....who know how to shed this once she is alone with her man, turns up her seductive imagination & takes the bull by his horns. 

A woman with enthusiam for a little dirtiness-enjoying that, throw some natural feistiness in there & the love of Pleasure for herself & her man - this is the recipe. Some just need a man who can bring out the Vixen in her... and some grow in this over the years....finally loosing all inhibitions from youth...some even enjoy studying this pleasurable art, adding to their knowledge & seductive charms. 

Doesn't always = crazy...just creative, can't get enough orgasms....and desires her man!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I don't feel a woman has to be CRAZY to be good in bed...plenty of "Ladies" outside of the bedroom ....who know how to shed this once she is alone with her man, turns up her seductive imagination & takes the bull by his horns.
> 
> A woman with enthusiam for a little dirtiness-enjoying that, throw some natural feistiness in there & the love of Pleasure for herself & her man - this is the recipe. Some just need a man who can bring out the Vixen in her... and some grow in this over the years....finally loosing all inhibitions from youth...some even enjoy studying this pleasurable art, adding to their knowledge & seductive charms.
> 
> Doesn't always = crazy...just creative, can't get enough orgasms....and desires her man!


:iagree:


Yup!
That's sooo my wife!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The older I get the less I find someone's bullsh^t fascinating. I would have to say at this point were I to find myself single, that would be it, forever. I have no patience or tolerance for wondering how why when and where it's going to plunge screaming into the volcano.

Put off for marriage material? OMG, just walking around is enough.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It saddens me -but I know so many feel this way...... I was never college educated but I am not stupid or clueless on how to run a family, a marraige or how to manage $$ by any means. It is one insecurity that will rise within if I was ever found single again (which I pray not) because so many feel this way today, the woman is a 2nd class citizen if she does not have a degree, maybe lumped in with -excuse the expression ..."Trailer trash" or something. Just not always the case.
> 
> My husband was very choosey...I will speak for him... if she had tatoos or peircings - she'd be out. He has said....."Married once & divorced...OK, we can all make a mistake......Married twice & divorced.....it's really looking bad....Married 3 times, it has to be YOU".
> 
> ...


You are not a second class citizen or trailer trash if you didn't attend college. Trailer trash lacks basic values and ethics which are typically learned in your family. Sometimes people rise above their families, but its the exception. I also know plenty of college educated people that have a trailer trash mentality. It's a deal breaker for me now because I would have more to talk about with my spouse if she were educated. It's about compatibility over the long term.

Edit: Emotional intelligence is not something you learn in college.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Lady in the street and a freak in da' bed


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My husband is a highly educated engineer. I only have a high school diploma.

We find plenty to talk about because I am an avid reader with a thirst for knowledge. I am currently working on my college education at my age, because I had severe health issues when I should have been going to school in my twenties.

I have noticed that many educated people have an arrogance about them. Humility goes a long way when interacting with others. Sometimes you can actually learn something from someone who doesn't have a degree. Strange, I know. 

Only crazy women are good in bed? :rofl::rofl::rofl: I wonder where some people get their beliefs from. Women can't win when it comes to sex-if we hold off, we are prudes. If we enjoy lovemaking, we are psycho oversexed slvts. This is exactly what I mean about double standards-nobody ever judges a man who enjoys having lots of sex.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm a total slvt. Proud of it too. Anytime, anywhere, anything.

:lol:

Whut. I'm too old to give a shet about what Ms. Susie Sunshine thinks about me. I knwo I'm having sex and she's complaining about it and/or doesn't get any.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I'm not looking for "marriage material". I am talking just a serious relationship. For me, just the act of being in a committed relationship is probably a deal breaker so I should just remain single.  I can't imagine that too many people would want to enter in a relationship with my list of "dealbreakers" but here goes:
> 
> I wouldn't want to deal with a guy's family...not his kids or his parents or anything. I have my own family, I don't need or want another.
> 
> ...


Sometimes people put up barriers when they are afraid of getting hurt again. It seems like that is what is going on with you. There is a lot of anger and bitterness in your words; you sound so wounded. I have been there and I feel so terrible for you.

If you have so many unreasonable requirements, you are not ready for the serious relationship you think you want. Serious adult relationships progress into people living together and joining their families, whether to couple marries or lives together. It looks like you just want an FWB arrangement, which is your right. However, it is silly to say that you want something serious with none of the aspects of a real relationship. 

Nothing is wrong with not wanting to be controlled-you are not a child and nobody should treat you like one. I can also understand not wanting to be with a boring couch potato.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

jealoushubby said:


> Are u hot and good in bed?? The rest doesnt matter!! Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol: Actually...I am! :smthumbup:  Too bad my husband doesn't notice! 

Oh..and I'm crazy too. But I don't want to get married again so I guess it's all good.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> Sometimes people put up barriers when they are afraid of getting hurt again. It seems like that is what is going on with you. There is a lot of anger and bitterness in your words; you sound so wounded. I have been there and I feel so terrible for you.


Yep..that sums it up pretty good. Grew up in a dysfunctional family with critical parents. Married a critical, emotionally abusive, cold and indifferent man. So yeah, I've had my share of being kicked in the a*ss. It's amazing I've retained my unique sense of humor. 

I'm wounded but I'm not bleeding to death. I'm now happy. I have fun and a pretty good life. Life is what you make of it and I make the most of every minute and day. I'd actually say that I'm a lot better off than many. I can support myself, I have great kids, I like my job and have fun and interesting hobbies and friends. So not so bad. 

We all have our burdens to bear. I guess it depends on whether you want to dwell on them or not.



> If you have so many unreasonable requirements, you are not ready for the serious relationship you think you want. Serious adult relationships progress into people living together and joining their families, whether to couple marries or lives together. It looks like you just want an FWB arrangement, which is your right. However, it is silly to say that you want something serious with none of the aspects of a real relationship.


:scratchhead: What? Ah..I did say I want a serious relationship? Now THAT was a typo! Serves me right for posting that in the middle of the night! :slap: I guess I need to clarify!

I want the EXACT opposite! I don't want a serious anything! I'd like a good friend that I feel attracted to and strongly towards both as friend and lover. But I don't want to get entangled in their personal life..Not their past relationships or problems. Not their family life.

I don't want to live together. I don't want to dictate to or be dictated to. Let's just get together, have some fun and be passionate with each other and desire and be desired...all stuff that I wanted from my marriage and for the most part, didn't get. But without the marriage or the "serious" part. 

At my age, I have no time or inclination for serious. I just want to have fun. As for being an "adult"...I have YET to reach THAT stage in my life! 

So yah, a FWB sounds good. I was hoping to have that with my husband when we separated but he just wants the "friend" part and that's hard to do when you are looking for some "benefits" too. 



> Nothing is wrong with not wanting to be controlled-you are not a child and nobody should treat you like one. I can also understand not wanting to be with a boring couch potato.


I put up with the boring, controlling couch potato for almost 23 years. I've had enough of that. I'd rather fly solo then go through that again.


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

Tattoos are, in my opinion, are tacky and tasteless. I wouldn't marry a woman who thought that having somebody draw on you made you an individual.

Uneducated or unintelligent women, regardless of how good looking they are. After a couple of hours of listening to inane drivell I'd most likely want to kill myself !

Finally somebody who was not financially independent. Too many woman are willing to be disengenous with their emotions and affections if there is a partner or potential partner who is financial well off involved. I couldn't help but think, is she with me because she likes me or is it my wealth she is after?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I wouldn`t have married a woman who didn`t have a similar sexual history to me because sex is pretty important to me and I have not a single inhibition.
> 
> I needed an experienced woman with few hangs ups.
> 
> ...


How long is too long to wait?

Let's say a woman is starting to date again. So she meets a few men. Surely she's not going to have sex with every single one of them. She might go out on a few dates with some of them.

Dating is a process of getting to know a person. So at what point does the woman know a guy well enough to have sex ... and not end up being a **** who have a long line of expartners behind her?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> How long is too long to wait?


Depends on the woman, the connection, the circumstances.
At my age with my drive I'd say a month or so in general if we're seeing a lot of each other & there's chemistry there.
It's my experience ( bear in mind I haven't dated in 16 years) if there's chemistry there it won't take a month.



> Let's say a woman is starting to date again. So she meets a few men. Surely she's not going to have sex with every single one of them. She might go out on a few dates with some of them.
> 
> Dating is a process of getting to know a person. So at what point does the woman know a guy well enough to have sex ... and not end up being a **** who have a long line of expartners behind her?


I'm not a man who cares if you have a long line of partners behind you.

I'm just a man who knows my needs are every bit as valid as her needs.
If we can't get those needs to mesh then I'm done and moving on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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