# Family Gatherings



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I enjoy spending time with our extended family but I am getting increasingly frustrated that my wife's family are not putting in the effort to make events happen.

We only live about 90 miles away from the FIL but in the last 10 years he has made his way to ours only once (for a christening), he is a great bloke and he is happy for us to go to his for the day and will cook us lunch but it just seems to be too much trouble / effort for him to get in one of his cars a drive down the motorway. It has got so bad that I ended spending 3 hour doing a 180 mile round trip just to get him to his own granddaughters 18th birthday party (thankfully someone else dropped him home by going 40 miles out of their way), to take the biscuit despite being comfortably off he did not even offer to contribute towards my fuel costs (I do not need the £20 but the offer would have been nice).

I suppose my frustration was increased by already having done 4 hours (200 miles) to pick up my father as a nearly 80 and with poor eyesight he can't drive.

What experiences do others have with their extended families, do you feel they make the effort for you and do you care ?


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## Monica sky (Sep 15, 2014)

Well, I haven't had such kind of experience. But if it were me, I will do the same thing with you.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

At one point a number of years ago my wife's family had no idea what our address was/where we lived for 3 years. This started because my wife's mother told my wife she was a loser because we lived in rental housing. So my mother-in-law refused to visit since it was shameful while we rented.

So when we moved once, we didn't tell her family we had moved, since we wondered how long it would take before they noticed we lived elsewhere.

As it turned out they never noticed at all, in fact if we hadn't subsequently moved several hundred kilometres away and informed them of that move after 3 years. They still wouldn't know where we live.

So no, they don't make the effort, and we have got over caring.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My parents (and my ex's) live about 90 minutes away, highway driving. And in the 7 years since we moved away from them, I could easily count on the fingers of one hand how many times they came to visit. I just came to accept that's the way it is. 

Having said that, there's no way I would go down there to pick them up and bring them up for a family function, unless there was an illness or situation that warranted it. 

My SO's parents live about 10 minutes away from me (same city), and I've seen them more this summer than I've seen my own. No problems with that. Just the way things go. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

PBear said:


> Having said that, there's no way I would go down there to pick them up and bring them up for a family function, unless there was an illness or situation that warranted it.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just wanted them to be their as it was important to my daughter, I did it for her not for the FIL. I think that I should do everything that I can to ensure my children have a relationship with all of their grand parents as they do have so much to teach / pass on.

My FIL is a nice guy (works hard, loyal etc) but I get the feeling he feels like a "fish out of water" when he leaves his home town where everybody knows and respects him / his family.


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