# H cheated and left 9 months ago, OW called last week-update



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Hey TAM friends,
If you want to know the background look up my first thread 'My husband left me for an 18 year old student'
So I thought I'd give you an update about the creepy 18 year old OW. I'm 32 btw.. Anyways after my h left 9 months ago after the birth of our second bub, I haven't tried to contact the OW at all. As much as I'd like to destroy her, I didn't. It took some restraint, mind you. About a 2 weeks ago I received a text from her, stating she would like to meet up, and that she thinks 'it's time'. I ignored it. The next day I received 11 phone calls on my cell and home phone. I ignored it. The following day it was my stbxh day with the kids and when I saw him, he asked me if I received her phone calls, because she would like to meet up with me and talk. Ummm... no! I told him she's persona non grata to me and anything between me and him is just that. She does not exist in my world. We cannot divorce legally until mid Jan of next year, as much as I would like to NOW! Have to wait a year here. Anyways, she lashed out at me on FB apparently. I'm not sure the exact content, but it was something to the effect of her being happy because she will never be me + some other crap... 
So 3 days ago i got a one line text from stbxh, 'just letting me know' that OW is moving in. WTF? This is completely mental. I simply answered him that I am paying for my dad's sins (he cheated on my mom when I was born, they are still together 32 years later-happy), and that our kids will have to pay for his sins, as he can't tell the difference between love and limerence. Again, the very next day more **** was posted- but I don't know what exactly, as I asked my friends not to tell me any details... had to do with stbxh being in love and happy in not so many words. I don't check fb anymore, I don't ever react, I'm just too tired mentally. Today, was stbxh day with the kids. He dropped them off. A half hour later I got a phone call, I picked up said hello.... just silence on the other line. I waited 10 secs and hung up. I can be my sunglasses it was her. She needs to back off. I cut my hair off completely 3 weeks ago. Guess who got a haircut? This is freaking me out. She's got the guy, she's living with him. I am completely replaced. What else does she want from me????? Both of them don't stop. I just want them to leave me alone. Stop rubbing this in my face, I haven't engaged with stbxh in any talks about her in a couple of months, nothing. Now this. A shiatestorm. Over this.What do you think this is all about??????


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

That is beyond creepy... I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this. I mean, what your STBXH did was bad enough but having to deal with some immature little girl he's hooked up with as well... I don't know how you do it!!!???

What gets me is is where the little girl posted on FB saying she'll "never be you" - but the way you explain it it seems that you're exactly who she's trying to mimic... CREEPY!!!!

With her childish mentality I can only assume that she is attempting to fill the role you once played in STBXH's life. Trying to make herself as good a carbon copy of you as she can because maybe in her mind it makes her feel more secure? Again, I only assume.

One way to take it is to remember that imitation is the best form of flattery! 

I know that sounds bad - but think about it... this little girl seems really insecure with herself and her relationship with your STBXH (which she should be), she proves this in her childish actions - ie: going off about you on FB - really, acting like that she should really be in grade school - not high school. Her haircut that sounds like it mimics your own, her constant need for contect with you for whatever sick reason.

It it were me I would honestly just sit back and laugh. Revel in the fact that this little girl just cannot seem to keep your name out of her mouth, the fact that thoughts of you are obviously consuming her. If her and STBXH had such a loving and healthy relationship then you would be the last thing on her mind - so to me it seems that loving and caring relationship is a bunch of bs. You know what this little girl is and deep down I'm sure little girl knows what she is too and it seems that she's not too happy with the realization...

Good luck babe - you can always pick up a can of mace! You know, JIC...


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Yah, I've just said it in the other forum, but my friend called me a few minutes ago outraged, because she still didn't defriend him (until now) and apparently he changed his relationship status to 'in a relationship' with ow. This is getting out of control and hyperactive. I said that on the other forum too, but it seems like either she wants me to flip out and never speak to him again (I am amicable for a while now), get me to beat the living shiat out of her so she can get a restraining order, go back to the us, or just kill myself. Not gonna happen. I feel like I'm getting a cognitive overload with their 'news'. I'm tired mentally and I need a break. I just want to shower, get this revolting crap off me, and read a book! I want a normal life. A normal single mom life. I don't want them in it. I just want to be left alone. No more creepy silent phone calls. Psychopaths, I swear. ****ing circus. I teach high school, I don't need to live in one.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Can you block her # from your phone? Don't know what kinda phone you have but some still have the awesome block feature built into them. If it's an iPhone then I think you have to pony $ up to your carrier monthly to have them block the number.

Restraining order she wants, eh? If she became way too much for you to deal with (sounds like you're almost there) you could always turn the tables on her. There's something called "Trapcall" you might wanna look into that unmasks blocked calls, blacklists phone #'s and can even record convos - all of course for a monthly fee...

This chick sounds like a real piece of work - is STBXH as big a drama fiend as she is?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honey,

Somehow, she doesn't even deserve the title of posOW.

It's more like posOG

(piece of shix other GIRL)


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Honey,
> 
> Somehow, she doesn't even deserve the title of posOW.
> 
> ...


Touche, Conrad.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Honeystly, 

If she is moving in with him, doesn't that prove adultery? ...could you use that for grounds of divorce in order to speed up the divorce?

In my state, you have to be physically separated for 1 year prior to divorce. However, in the case of adultery, (if proven), you can file right away.

Wow. 

what a horrible, horrible thing that little girl is doing. I wonder what her parents think of all this?


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Honey,
> 
> Somehow, she doesn't even deserve the title of posOW.
> 
> ...


I like it.

Moving forward, STBXH's 22-year old sow shall be referred to as posOG.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Honey,

I, too, wonder what her parents think. Do they know?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Expose


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Her parents know and think she's a rocks star now and are super happy about it. WTF???? Australia has no fault divorce-nothing speeds up the process. 
Expose? Well they just announced it to the world of FB! They are bragging about their 'love' to EVERYBODY. Sick. Twisted.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

People are so effing stupid!


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

It is amazing they still have any friends.

If one of my friends did something like that, I think I would distance myself from them.


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> Her parents know and think she's a rocks star now and are super happy about it. WTF???? Australia has no fault divorce-nothing speeds up the process.
> Expose? Well they just announced it to the world of FB! They are bragging about their 'love' to EVERYBODY. Sick. Twisted.


I think they probably only know half a story.. I'm in a similar position with the troll's friends & family. I can only assume they are being told enough to make me look like a psyco and him to look like a poor downtrodden ex who is well outof it.. I mean you have no idea what crap they are telling people. My understanding is most people are outraged by this type of stuff. I've never met anyone who says get over it, most people blame the spouse & the POSOW.. 

I believe that my STBX is pretending not to be married, not even to have a child. But the lies will catch up with them eventually..

I'm rambling now aren't I ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Hey Honey, I've been thinking about you lately. Glad you're doing better and can see through their BS:smthumbup:

Anyways, about your H and the OW. 
Perfect life together? She can do no wrong in his eyes? She's better than you and praises him for everything? He loves her and is moving in with the love of his life? 

Oh how I can't wait to hear what happens when she pulls off the mask and makes his life a living hell. A girl like this is either a fairytale come true or a living nightmare masquerading as the Disney fantasy.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Nsweet, thanks for caring As for the OW I do believe that option B-living hell will be the outcome. I see this girl is capable of manipulation and cruelty, despite at the same time being young and naive. That doesn't bode well. This is precisely why I will just do nothing. I'm out of the drama triangle now, as far as I'm concerned. Right now it's honeymoon time, but she will smother him with her constant attachment. We never had that-I gave him space, and I needed space. So even if he likes that, he's not used to it at all.... plus he won't like that after a while. Who the hell would? Go to practice-she's there (joined his band), go to gig-there, home-there, there, there, there. Nope won't work.
I am better, however I am finding a new challenge. Me. The single me. It seems that all the women around (work, neighbors, etc.) are all of a sudden completely mistrusting of me. It makes no sense. I was the loyal one, the one who believed in the institution of marriage. Seems like all women think I'll go after their men now, as if I'm sort of man-eater. Where the hell did they get that idea? I don't talk to many men, I cut my hair off, I'm trying to be as asexual as possible, and I have very clear rigid boundaries.... How am I a threat????? It really hurts. I'm very honest about my lack of interest in men and my disgust in general, yet, they don't trust ME! For example, my new next door neighbor asked me the other day about a car in my driveway. It was my friend's husband, who my friend sent over to mow my lawn, as I simply can't do it. In return I lent them my lawn mover. My girlfriend is fantastic and her and her husband are my close friends (ZERO attraction toward her hubby). Yet my neighbor is convinced that I must be banging him. I told my gf about it and we had a good laugh. We even thought of staging some sort of drama filled altercation to make my neighbors day.... ****ing lame. If anybody knows about a pain cheating and homewrecking causes people it's me. I would never do to someone what was done to me. Even if the wife was a violent drunk. NEVER. I don't touch married or separated people. But now I have to deal with people thinking god knows what. All I want is a simple life with my beautiful children I devote all of my time to. ****, I went out twice this year (for my disastrous work-do and to a concert with my girlfriends). I have no time, no interest. Women don't seem to believe me. FUccked up. You just can't win. I won't pour acid on my face, that's not an option.... What else do people want me to do? Not exist? Thanks for letting me rant.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

It sound alike he'll be joining this site within 2 years , I bet ya everything !


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Lol


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

You know what?

S(rew those chicks if they no longer trust you! You don't need them! Stick with the people that know you, are there for you and are your true firends.

As you've stated they have absolutely NO reason to assume you'd do anything to/with their husbands. And I tell you what, the only reason they're distrusting towards you now has nothing to do with you - more it has to do with those chick's own lack of self confidence and that is entirely their problem - not yours nor is it caused by you! 

Don't let their actions get you down, frustrate you or even confuse you - ignore them!

You keep doing you, babe and don't worry about the rest!


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Eternal Embrace, I will definitely try. Thanks for the words of encouragement. It's really hard to find myself in this new situation. Men at work act differently towards me too. Some avoid me, others are much more friendly than usual. I hate this. All of this. I hate being stuck in the middle of people's insecurities and mistrust. I stay away from people for that reason now. It sucks so bad. I get punished for being cheated on and left. Not furking cool...


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

One more thing. I always had this notion that grown-ups are grown up. Turns out they are just teenagers with more wrinkles. My whole world vision is shattered now, and I don't know how and where to go from here


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

I, too, have noticed that same thing about grown ups being teenagers (not all of them, but a great many) - it's sad and dissapointing really.

It's a sticky, and at times, an unfair situation we find ourselves in now.

Thou it's hard, and I know it is, try your best not to let others actions affect you. Stay away from them if you have to - like I said, stick to the people who are your true friends. The people you see as punishing you for your X's actions aren't worth your time or energy.

Chin up, honey - keep your head held high and don't let others drag you down!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Everything you mentioned about the OW being young, dumb, and clingy... A-FREAKIN-MEN!!!!! 
Now you have an idea of what my ex wife was like. It was really attractive having someone who was my biggest fan, but then she started smothering me so bad I couldn't focus on work and when she finally had me in our house....... the other shoe dropped and little Hitler went around tryng to isolate me from the people who tried to protect me from her. I don't have to go on because women like this repeat the same sad love story over and over and over until they wind up in seriously abusive relationships or get help. 

It starts with her finding a nice guy who she turns on the charm for and gets him to lie to her the way she wants. Then she plays what he's looking for to the hilt and gets him wanting more. So far so good, somewhat normal but that's where girls like this differ. She envites him into her worldby sharing secrets no sane person would share with a complete stranger like the time her gay roomate raped her or how her dad raped her until she left for college, or some other BS story she's crafted to get sympathy...... maybe the one about her last bad mean nasty bf yelling at sweet little her and how she pwomised herself she would find a big stwapping man like your stbxH and never wet him go- tee hee:rofl: If you think I'm being extreme here just wait and see for yourself. 

That's where your H is stuck right now. He feels a little guilty about his actions but he thinks showing her off to you and having you approve will justify his affair. But I doubt this was all his idea..... married men having affairs don't want the wife and the girlfriend to talk because they just might share a secret that lands him in deep deep water. I'd be willing to bet this is her idea which is kinda scary. She's trying to get involved in his married life and probably thinking you'll like her if you get to know her. Don't let her get anywhere near you because she will befriend you the same way making you feel like you've known her forever and can trust her, but she will soon turn on you and steal your H away with her con game.

I promise you I'm not jumping to conclusions here I've seen this all before because I've dated more than a couple of these messed up chicks. I'm not falling for that "poor little ol me" crap anymore. Sane people don't tell you how they were raped as a child within the first five minutes of meeting them. Not unless it's a con designed to make you feel sorry for her. And yes I've heard this from a woman.... last week where I sit now.


Oh, 
And Honey you're not the only one to be singled out after divorce. Ever since my divorce I stopped talking as much and my blank stare freaks people out when I'm in public. They look at me and think I'm a sociopath, but really I look at them and see statues of who they want to be. I notice everything from lies as soon as they're said to small threads on new items of clothes that have yet to be removed. 

My married friends also don't like me talking to their wives, even the one I helped reconcile acts weird. But younger women love me for some reason so I can see how a lesser man would take advantage and pat himself on the back for doing so. I however prefer to just talk and see what I can pick up. you'd be surprised what people will tell you about themselves if you're willing to listen. 

I don't want a relationship right now and I don't want to unleash any baggage on a new person until I've had time to deal wth it. It's just healthier to abstain and be friendly until I feel ready. But I'm still beating myself up for dropping out of college again and need therapy to be considered employable. You're not the only one in this place, you're just better than most.

http://gettinbetter.com/anatomy.html


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

About the OW.......

There was once a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good--but when she was bad, she was horrid.

remember this poem it will seem funnier later on.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Well, 2 weeks ago she moved in. There, that's why she called.
I said nothing when he texted me to let me know.
Today my sibling in the US told me during our conversation that OW friend requested her on fb. WFT? Seriously....absurd


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Nsweet said:


> About the OW.......
> 
> There was once a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good--but when she was bad, she was horrid.
> 
> remember this poem it will seem funnier later on.


My gramma said this to me all the time. :lol:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> Well, 2 weeks ago she moved in. There, that's why she called.
> I said nothing when he texted me to let me know.
> Today my sibling in the US told me during our conversation that OW friend requested her on fb. WFT? Seriously....absurd


Geez. What trippers.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honeystly said:


> Well, 2 weeks ago she moved in. There, that's why she called.
> I said nothing when he texted me to let me know.
> Today my sibling in the US told me during our conversation that OW friend requested her on fb. WFT? Seriously....absurd


She wants to friend YOUR sibling?

Psychotic


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Yup, my sister in the US... She is in OZ. Words fail me.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

She seems very, very desperate to try to fit in. Hopefully she breaks out in hives or shingles from the stress of trying to play wife and part time mom at her age. How often does your ex get the kids?

People are right, you find out who your real friends are when the chips are down.

Karma is a *****, it will come back to bite them all in the ass, including your ex and that silly boob gf of his. 

You've done well to take the higher road and you out class them all.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

The thing is, she will be you in a few years, if she marries him. When things start bad they usually end the same way they started.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Well, 2 weeks ago she moved in. There, that's why she called.
> I said nothing when he texted me to let me know.
> Today my sibling in the US told me during our conversation that OW friend requested her on fb. WFT? Seriously....absurd


I'e been reading the Art of War by Sun Tzu lately and this just reminds me of what he says about spying. 

"The enemy's spies who have come to spy on us must be sought out, tempted with bribes, led away and comfortably housed. Thus they will become double agents and available for our service. It is through the information brought by the double agent that we are able to acquire and employ local and inward spies. It is owing to his information, again, that we can cause the doomed spy to carry false tidings to the enemy."

What I'm getting at is the OW is spying on you for a reason. She wants to know more about you through your friends because she doesn't trust you not to interrupt their affair. She shouldn't be worried about you, so I'm thinking your H has been talking about you or something. Do not leak out any information you don't want used against you and don't let your friends know what you're up to on here..... just in case be extra careful. 

She's been trying to meet you in person to size you up, tell you off, or god knows what else for a while now. She's not going to stop all on her own. OHHH OHHHH Cease and desist letter to your H. Let them know you're not interested in being friends with her and her BS tricks from Seventeen magazine won't work:rofl:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> She's been trying to meet you in person to size you up, tell you off, or god knows what else for a while now. She's not going to stop all on her own. OHHH OHHHH Cease and desist letter to your H. Let them know you're not interested in being friends with her and her BS tricks from Seventeen magazine won't work:rofl:


:iagree: - that little girl wants nothing more than to size you up so she can slip more comfortably into your shoes, so to speak. And damn, I've seen some twisted chicks in my day but this one seems to take the cake - I swaer, she could be right out of some crazy stalker/serial killer movie!

The cease and desist letter is entirely up to you - but judging by the little girls behavior for some reason I think she might just feed even more off that... If I were you I'd just continue taking the high road that you're already upon. Ignoring little girl and her antics will tick her off more than any letter. 

But do look into the letter if at any time you feel this chick has stepped off the silver screen of slasher flicks and makes you feel threatened/unsafe.


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