# Moody people ...



## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

I can't undestand why people can be so moody. When I first met my husband, I thought it was rather funny... aparently moodiness and relationships don't go very well together....

Anyone else out there with moody other halfs? :scratchhead:


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I, unfortunately, am the moody half of our relationship. I know that it is a major drain on her...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I'm bipolar, so....uhh


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## mgperkow (Mar 8, 2012)

I think both of us can be pretty unpredictable at times.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I am the more moody out of the two of us.

You could not tell by her expression whether my wife won the lottery or lost her job most of the time. I'd love a little moodiness from her now and then.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

It seems okay for a little moodiness... its normal. But sometimes, moodiness really drives the other person crazy! I feel like a light switch... trying to catch HIS mood for the "moment" -- Sometimes we never meet.... Like when he's been moody for days, I try and just keep my distance... then all of a sudden, he tells me " Whats your problem, why are you so quiet??"

WHAAAAT??!!! I'm sorry but I cannot turn my own moods of back and forth within minutes.... I feel like I am being driven mad! I don't knwo where to place myself, do I ignore it, so I say something?

so difficult...


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

If his moods swing that frequently he should probably see someone. I am just generally miserable unfortunately..


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

Can I just say, that after heated texting with my husband this morning about his foul mood swings, he just now texts me and say... " Will I give him a hug when I get home...? "

WHAAAAT?!!!!

This is what I mean! Like a light switch! ON and OFF, ON and OFF!!!
My goodness!!!! Aaaargh!


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

I'm not really fond of moody people and tend to avoid them. I guess everyone is a little moody now and then. But I have known too many moody people who made no effort to control their moodiness and expect people around them to accommodate whatever mood they happen to be in at the moment. Ugh, no thanks. . .


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Not here. The only moody one in this house is our 12 year old daughter :lol: But that's to be expected.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

savannah said:


> Can I just say, that after heated texting with my husband this morning about his foul mood swings, he just now texts me and say... " Will I give him a hug when I get home...? "
> 
> WHAAAAT?!!!!
> 
> ...


Any chance your H is ADHD? My H is like that... It had to be pointed out to him in our MC that it was not normal to be very pissed off or angry one minute and perfectly fine the next. But attributing to ADHD explains the behavior of my H and once our MC gently pointed it out to him, he at leasts understands that it takes me longer to flip the switch if you will...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

Explain what you mean by 'moody.' One mans fish is another man's flesh.

I sometimes wake up in the morning and can't stop singing. This annoys some of my children. But other days when I'm grumpy they say they prefer me that way as it is 'more normal.'


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

lonesomegra said:


> Explain what you mean by 'moody.' One mans fish is another man's flesh.
> 
> I sometimes wake up in the morning and can't stop singing. This annoys some of my children. But other days when I'm grumpy they say they prefer me that way as it is 'more normal.'


I agree, perhaps you could give us some examples. Some people might call my stbx as 'moody'. But after all these years of marriage I call him an uncaring, unfeeling, narcissistic. self centered control freak.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Haha, ouch...

Well in my case people tend to call me pessimistic. I tend to think of myself as a realist...


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I'm the moody one to. I tend to get periods of feeling like a black cloud is following me around. Where I'll get down and pessimistic about almost everything when I know there's no good reason for it. I never act on those feelings, when it happens it just kind of cast a negative shade over how I see the world. Fortunately most of the time I recognize it and talk myself out of it in a day or two. I've never been diagnosed but I've always believed it to be a form of mild depression. 

My wife on the other hand is perpetually positive, optimistic, and happy; which given some of the things that have happened in her life is amazing. My moodiness gets on her nerves to, but she accepts it and knows that it's not "me" and can just brush it off most of the time. Like you the sudden swing from gloomy to happy go lucky in me throws her for a loop sometimes.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Since you say he has light switch on and off type moods, he likely is either bipolar or has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) The sad thing is unless he is seen by a doc and they can help treat him, then you need to expect your life to be like this with him. Its not a good healthy way to live.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you need to be a bit more specific about "moody"

What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder?


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

Moody for him is anywhere from being happy and talkative to the next minute widthrawn and depressed... compalining about life, work, money... then back to happy, then back to complaining and whining.... Some instances he would have BAD episodes, he would stay in the room sleeping, just staying away from everyone... not eating with us, not interacting...

Its always the same complaints... Work to long, need money, bills to pay, no money.. THOUGH realistically if you have no money, that is why you work, right? Isn't that pretty much a given?

Why complain about bills if you don't want to work? Wouldn't it be bigger issue had he not have a job? 

Thing like this that his rational thinking goes away and instead of leading our family, I feel like I am having to babysit him all the time!

It is somewhat like he changes moods every few hours... the smallest of details can trigger his bad moods... like kids leaving a mess, his cellphone not working right, anything!

I don't know what else to do... if he wont get treated, how can it help? Any why doesnt he think this is really bad? The rest of us are suffering , if not him!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

when you're manic, it feels too good to want to get help
when you're depressed you are so incapacitated you don't feel the urge to get help


you need to get him in a middle moment (when he seems rational) and explain the seriousness to him


the depression part you describe sounds like depression
the happy parts don't sound too manic from the description

but he may be a more of a depressive bipolar and his manic swings are limited (I'm the opposite)


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband is the polar opposite of moody. He's mostly smiling and in a good mood, which in return we all are. Sure he has his bad days, he's very quiet and to himself. 

I'm not one to be moody either, but unfortunately I do get PMS. I normally can control it. I have many more off days then my husband. I also suffer from severe chronic pain from herniated discs as well.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

I would rather get polar opposite of moody than moody... I rarely see smiles from my H... and when I do.. its strangely a few minutes after he's blown up! By that point I'm not in the mood for smiles, then he has the nerve to ask me "what's my problem!"

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.... I really try my hardest to igonre everything, because I hate getting sucked in and crying later. But it is what it is... I can only hope for a miracle to make things better....


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

The text sounds like he is insecure & wants reasurance that you will still love him/hug him/ support him, even when he is down.

Financial problems can be a huge depression trigger.

I really hope I am wrong.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

Chelle D said:


> Sorry, but in my opinion, you're being a bit harsh on him. Do you work? Have you never worked hard, then had almost no money after payday because the bills sucked it all up??
> 
> I don't mean to change this into a financial topic. I'm just saying that maybe he has issues & concerns. You don't seem very sympathetic to him in financial situation (Were your parents rich & you never had to worry for a thing?)... Seems like you wont be sympathetic to him if it was a medical bipolar situation either.
> 
> I really hope I am wrong.


Thats OK, fair question..

Yes I do work... I drive 60 miles one way to go to my work , 5 days a week, I've worked even soon after my children were born, because I had to help support the family, no time for bonding there. 

I took in jobs that required traveling to try and get more $$ in our finances, leaving my children when they were still babies, crying in the airport missing them, while H took jobs that paid less (even now) because they were 10 minutes from home...He says HE DOES NOT WANT TO COMMUTE... 

My family was not rich, and no I never just got what I wanted for nothing... 

I know it is hard. But I also worry about bills, yet I hold back complaints,whines and whimpers to myself and try not to depress my entire family when they didn't need to. They are bills that cme now, next month and the month after, what would be the point to complain about necessities you need to pay for in life? Why stress out over nothing? Figure it out and move on!

So Im sorry to sound harsh but I've been keeping this family afloat for 20 years and I cannot always do it alone... I have made all the "work" sacrifices, change of jobs for higher pay... so being harsh is hard not to be when you do everything alone.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

My husband is the moody one! I'm usually chipper and happy - until he brings out MY moodiness!

It IS annoying and frustrating, to say the least. We could be trying to have a good day together, and Mr. Psychic almost always predicts that something will go wrong, (which he makes happen through his attitude and words - Self-Fulfilling Prophecy)! He will be disengaged and negative for no apparent reason! I really can't stand this side of him - but when he laughs at a joke I made, or gets into a conversation with me - I remember the things I love about him. It's been difficult at times, but I've learned some ways to lighten his mood when he's in the slumps. (Tickle-fight)! :lol:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Okay, yes. I see & share resentment in that field. 
My sis is bi-polar. If she is not on her meds, she is H-E-L-L to live with. Finding the right balance of meds is Sooooooo important if it does turn out to be a bi-polar thing.

And yes, it can be bi-polar with swings only from normal to deep lows, back to "normals".. etc. & really never feeling "happy".
Or, normal feelings to High happiness, back to normal.. etc,... and never feeling low.

Its very frustrating living with a manic depressive. High school was a nightmare with sis.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

@CHELLE- Well, its irritating because he's been this way for about 90% of the 20 years weve been together. I get moody- everyone is entiteld to be moody- I just hate it that he seems to not care that it is now dictating our home life's mood as well... 
It's not exactly easy to try and get the kids in a "happy" mood when dad is mopeing in the corner all day... 

To a point he realizes he needs help, and meds to balalnce out. BUT he still can't get himself to see a doctor. Hence the re-occuring issues...

I get emotional and moody... but I do stop for a minute and try not to dampen other people's day... H just doesnt care... he says what he says, and thats that.

I know that something might help- like meds, but he just won't do it. And its frustrating to be at the other end of his episodes... its draining! I have MADE myself ignore this, try and move on with my day, so maybe that why i appear a bit harsh, but I refuse to get sucked into his moods any longer. For the most parts, when he is in his "moods" .. we barely speak.. he goes to the room and the kids and I are in the living room enjoying the evening, watching TV, like a family.

He's missed out on so many things he should enjoy about the kids, half the time all he notices are if they did not do something he asked them to do...otherwise we are all like a fly on the wall to him... just there.

I don't know what to do anymore.... I care and love this man, and I don't want to leave him just because of this, but he is slowly but surely driving me there!


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I'm always the "moody" one. 

It's more related to being generally indifferent with a rather dry crude sense of humor. People don't tend to relate to it well from a female or know how to process it.

More often then not I get yelled at for looking miserable in moments when I'm actually in a really good mood, and thought I had a pleasant expression on my face.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

@CLucas- YES! I say that to my H - He always has this depressed look on his face, so I always think something is wrong.. he does is so much that it is that natural look on his face!

So imagine living with someone for 20 years who day ina nd day out looks miserable- EVEN when theyre not... It's pretty depressing and it does bring you down as well


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

lol, I've been living with myself for 25 years.

my family seems to have no problems with it, and if they feel so inclined, they just ask if something is wrong since usually the answer is no, they move on.

stbx and I got into some arguments about it. I am not overly emotional and it takes a lot of effort from him to make me cry, so it always turned into how I lack emotions, feelings, sympathy, empathy, you name the pathy, and I didn't have it.

The problem is, it's not news. my only new reactions were me setting personal boundaries for myself and showing me some self respect finally by removing the door mat version of me. 

I'm trying to not sound rude, but if you know your husband is just mellow and indifferent, I don't think that in itself is the issue. Some of the other things you were mentioning like him only noticing when the kids don't do what they're asked and feeling like a fly on the wall are more the issue.

I might be indifferent and mellow, but I do put forth effort into the household I live in, these people do exist to me, and if you'd have seen me with the 3yr old who lived here a while, it was almost a different person. 

your husband sounds detached. Maybe depressed. I don't know enough of THOSE things to speak of them, but I can tell you just being seemingly indifferent as your default temperment is not the cause of his behavior.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

Yes CLucas, I agree. Indifferent is not the issue. Everyone it seems can be a little that way at any given day... but to not realize that your mood is affecting your household is something I think needs some serious looking at. 

Granted he doesnt seem to be "aware" that he is causing us grief, and that we only want him to have somewhat of a balanced behaviour so we can ALL co-exist... so for the meantime, we shrug our shoulders and walk away whenever he is in one of his moods. Story never changes, so I have learned to ignore to lessen MY own stress and frustrations... apparently not working, but its all I've got.


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## MidwestDave (Jun 18, 2009)

savannah said:


> I can't undestand why people can be so moody. When I first met my husband, I thought it was rather funny... aparently moodiness and relationships don't go very well together....
> 
> Anyone else out there with moody other halfs? :scratchhead:


My wife is moody to the point that I feel she is approaching bipolar. 

When she is in the "down" state I know that I better watch my step because she will be looking for something to argue about. It's like she craves a confrontation.

And in some instances I might be in a bad mood at the same time and then it is on...

What really drives me crazy is that she will NEVER admit she is tired or in a bad mood. It is ALWAYS her "reaction to me", no chance she could ever be in a mood. Which is just part of much deeper problem of never being able to apologize or ever admit a fault, but that's another story.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

MidwestDave said:


> My wife is moody to the point that I feel she is approaching bipolar.
> 
> When she is in the "down" state I know that I better watch my step because she will be looking for something to argue about. It's like she craves a confrontation.
> 
> ...


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

trey69 said:


> Since you say he has light switch on and off type moods, he likely is either bipolar or has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) The sad thing is unless he is seen by a doc and they can help treat him, then you need to expect your life to be like this with him. Its not a good healthy way to live.


:iagree: Yep. its sad too, because some people never get a proper diagnoses, and they sure can't if they never go to the doctor and tell them whats wrong.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

savannah said:


> MidwestDave said:
> 
> 
> > My wife is moody to the point that I feel she is approaching bipolar.
> ...


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

abandonedcompletely said:


> Exactly!! Moodiness is not a license to treat people any way you want because your moody. That's not a good excuse.
> 
> We can't always control what happens to us but we can certainly control how we act.


Amen! So true. I think I'm bothered the most by moody people who know they are moody, and can control their actions but purposely choose not to. I guess thats a whole different can of worms.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> Amen! So true. I think I'm bothered the most by moody people who know they are moody, and can control their actions but purposely choose not to. I guess thats a whole different can of worms.



Yeah, not to derail the topic, but people using their moodiness to treat other people badly is inexcusable.

I don't know, the older I get, the less patience I have with people like that and will call them on it.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

abandonedcompletely said:


> Yeah, not to derail the topic, but people using their moodiness to treat other people badly is inexcusable.
> 
> I don't know, the older I get, the less patience I have with people like that and will call them on it.


Why should MOODY people dictate to make other people's days miserable becasue THEY are not having a good day? Be moody, fine- But try to keep it in your own little bubble. 

Unless one is unconscious while being moody I see no logical excuse why other must constantly be affected by it- its selfish and inconsiderate.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

savannah said:


> Why should MOODY people dictate to make other people's days miserable becasue THEY are not having a good day? Be moody, fine- But try to keep it in your own little bubble.
> 
> Unless one is unconscious while being moody I see no logical excuse why other must constantly be affected by it- its selfish and inconsiderate.



I agree, and I made sure to teach my children the same message. They might of had a bad day and were upset about it, which was fine. I understand venting. But when they tried to treat other family members badly and with disrespect because they had a bad day or were upset about something else, that's where I drew the line with them. They knew it was unacceptable and they would lose a privilege if they tried it.

No one should take their frustration out on innocent people.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

abandonedcompletely said:


> I agree, and I made sure to teach my children the same message. They might of had a bad day and were upset about it, which was fine. I understand venting. But when they tried to treat other family members badly and with disrespect because they had a bad day or were upset about something else, that's where I drew the line with them. They knew it was unacceptable and they would lose a privilege if they tried it.
> 
> No one should take their frustration out on innocent people.


:iagree: I tell this to my kids too... when they are in a bad mood (which alf the time they seem to pick up from you know who) I tell them, EXCUSE ME! You guys better re-think you attitude! 

This type of thing can easily become learned behavior and I REFUSE to get the kids to unconsciously follow such a foul behaviour!!

MOODINESS IS A PRESENT STATE, NOT A PERSONALITY!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

frustr8dhubby said:


> I, unfortunately, am the moody half of our relationship. I know that it is a major drain on her...


I'd be rather moody too if I got banged once a month - or less.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Dave,

What was your wife's childhood like?




MidwestDave said:


> My wife is moody to the point that I feel she is approaching bipolar.
> 
> When she is in the "down" state I know that I better watch my step because she will be looking for something to argue about. It's like she craves a confrontation.
> 
> ...


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