# Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Greetings:

I am new to this site and I'll tell you a real brief description of myself. I won't go into great detail so I don't bore anyone.

I am 40yrs old with a 38 yr old wife and 2 kids, aged 5 and 2.

We recently hit our 7th anniversary, lots of good years, a few bad ones, not unlike some couples, nothing violent, no affairs or anything.

After the kids were born, she has gotten less and less interested in her figure and her looks. I on the other hand have maintained mine and have women in their 20's and 30's compliment me on a regular basis. Not ****y but being honest.

My problem is my wife wants to always hear that she is a "Yummy Mommy". She is a great mom, good wife but I can't say that she is a "Yummy Mommy". Let's all face it, we all know that Yummy Mommies diet, workout, jog and look for the most part like they never had a child. My wife only walks, nothing else, won't take advice from anyone.

She has a habit of wearing clothes that aren't appropriate for her body, tank tops, short shorts for example. She has a big stomach, and very flabby thighs. Her friends are vain and are all slender women. She wants to fit in and wear what they wear but she doesn't have the figure for it. Her mother is taller and weighs less than her so it's not just genetics. Even my mom and sister mentioned that she needs to slow down on the sweets if she wants to wear tight clothes and a 2 piece bathing suit etc. They said that to me and not her of course. I routinely see women that are older than her in way better shape than she is so it's only natural I am a bit envious.

She has time to exercise as she only works 3 days a week. She just doesn't have any interest, that's all. I work 6 days steady and make time to go work out or jog at 9pm when the kids are in bed so I do help out with bath and bed in case you are wondering.

I am not sexist at all and I think if a man has a woman in his life that is vain and takes care of herself, then he should step up and take care of himself too. I don't think anyone regardless of sex should think they are better than what they are. It's like having to tell somebody they are a great violinist even though they hardly practice playing it.

I realise looks aren't everything but we all like sex and part of sex appeal is looks. Small percentages of us don't care if the other partner is overweight but most of us do.

Do I have to lie and tell her that she is a "Yummy Mommy" just to appease her even though it isn't true?


----------



## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

If it isn't true, don't say it.


----------



## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Welcome, I have to admit that this is the first time I have ever heard the phrase "yummy mommy". Took me a while to figure out what you were talking about.

Second, I don't think people are vain just because they take care of themselves.

As for your question. No, you don't have to tell her she is a "yummy mommy", but what you should do is:

First - understand that it isn't that easy for some people to take the weight off after pregnancy, especially when they have their children at the age your wife did. 

Second - quit comparing her to other women.

Third - find something nice to say to her that you do mean. When people feel good about themselves they tend to want to take care of themselves more. If you want to talk about her weight, focus on the health issues that comes with it, let her know that you love her and would like her around for a long while. Yes, she has to want to loose the weight, so the challenge is how to encourage her without forcing or bulling her into it.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I had to look up "Yummy Mummy". Apparently, it's UK slang for hot moms under 30.

Can you bring yourself to tell her that you think she is sexy and beautiful to you?

And, just saying, it's harder to maintain a figure after having kids than it is for you to stay in shape. Hormones and all that change, not to mention it's harder to lose weight in general than to maintain the weight you are. And it's harder for women to lose weight than for men. If you want her to lose weight, trust me that saying how YOU have been able to maintain your weight isn't going to go very far in motivating her so keep those thoughts to yourself.


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I see many threads like this where the man will come here and talk about how fit he is, he does this and that, eats right, helps with the kids, works, and still finds time to workout, but yet his wife is pretty much a overweight slob. 

Theres nothing wrong with wanting a spouse to take care of themselves and be healthy. However, you may need to encourage her more. Do things with her fitness wise, help her make better food choices etc. You also need to be a little more understanding of the fact shes had two kids, and she may be drained or even a little depressed.. All you can do is try and offer support. Its up to her if she chooses to change and work on herself. If after you feel you have done all you can, and if she doesn't try to change herself, then you might want to give her separation papers so you can find someone who meets your fitness and healthy expectations. Or accept her for who she is, until or if she ever chooses to change.


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

It all comes down to how she feels. If she thinks she looks great in short shorts and belly shirt I would say more power to her. But if she is pressuring you to tell her how great she looks......honesty is not the best policy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

How overweight is she anyway?


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Does she not have any honest female friends that can tell her "hey, you really shouldnt be wearing that!"? Dont lie to her that she is a YM if you dont think that she is. Surely you can find other things to compliment instead, though. I for one am plagued with cellulite and I have no delusions as to how icky it looks to others, so I make sure that I keep those parts covered. You have to have some honesty with yourself.


----------



## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

If you tell her what she wants to hear, then forget any chance of her changing.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

You seem to be comparing her to other women, is it possible she hears you say these things and wants to point out to you that she's your wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I wouldn't tell her she's a Yummy Mummy if she isn't. If she wants to be then she needs to make it happen.


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Hmmm. You are in a tough spot. I don't recommend lying to her and telling her she's a "yummy mommy" if you don't think she is. Is she terribly out of shape/ overweight or does she just have that stubborn ten pounds to lose? Be honest. You can't expect a new mom to look like a swimsuit model.

One thought. Has she seen a full body photo of herself lately? Especially one standing next to a friend? Recently, someone close saw a photo of themselves that I had taken and they were horrified to see what they really looked liked. Couldn't believe it was them!


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

C'mon man. How would it make you feel if she stayed silent when you asked if you're the biggest she's ever had?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I agree, don't say what you don't feel. but you could give compliments in other appearance related areas which might then soften the difficult blow of being honest that you wish for her to firm up, tone and tighten, as best a post childbirth body can. I would also caution that you check that your expectations are realistic. Just because her mother has retained her shape doesn't mean she has those genes. I have two daughters that have the body shape of their fathers side and one daughter who has my body shape. My husbands side tend to be built wide while my side tends to be more lean, as a general body shape...


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

That's really just some BS label. If you think she's attractive/hot, just tell her. If you don't find her attractive, you need to tell her that as well. No point in you moping around her, building up resentment.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

You shouldn't give a rat's ass about what your mother or your sister thinks...

The quesiton is, how is your wife TO YOU?

If she is beautiful to you then she needs to be made to feel it.

You need to tread carefully. It's understandable if you are not attracted to your wife if she is fat or whatever... If it is really important to you then you do have to communcate to her that she is undesireable... but you run the risk that she gets upset and thinks you don't love, apprecaite or care for her like whe wants you to.


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Thanks for your input. Much appreciated.

She is about 5'-2, 150 lbs. I realise it isn't "Obese" but it isn't skinny either. She is very flabby though.

I agree with others here that I won't tell her what she wants to hear because to me it's a slap in the face to all the women who actually work hard to get their shape back by dieting, jogging, weights, etc. Why should someone get the credit that others deserve if they don't put the same effort in??

I gave her Insanity DVD's, Georges St. Pierre Rush Fit, the class schedule for Core Classes at the gym, Spin Class information, no interest is there at all.

It's not as if I am expecting her to be Kate Upton but if she wants compliments that others get, you have to put the time in.

Her quote that turns me off is when she says, "When I walk in a room with a bunch of women, I'd like to think I am one of the most beautiful in there" To me that's arrogance. It's the last thing I think of when I walk in a room with other men, that's for sure.


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I would rather my wife have all the confidence in the world than none at all. If she feels that way....good for her. You rather her walk in the room and feel like the ugliest?


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Her quote that turns me off is when she says, "When I walk in a room with a bunch of women, I'd like to think I am one of the most beautiful in there" To me that's arrogance. It's the last thing I think of when I walk in a room with other men, that's for sure.


That is absurd. Sounds like she has entitlement and/or self esteem issues.


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> I agree with others here that I won't tell her what she wants to hear because to me it's a slap in the face to all the women who actually work hard to get their shape back by dieting, jogging, weights, etc. Why should someone get the credit that others deserve if they don't put the same effort in??


So...this issue is more about your concern for the feelings of women in good shape?

Is this your resentment about her weight doing the talking here?


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> I gave her Insanity DVD's, Georges St. Pierre Rush Fit, the class schedule for Core Classes at the gym, Spin Class information, no interest is there at all.


A lot of people hate the gym and hate working out to dvd's. That's not the only way to get into shape. 

How about adding some family fun to the schedule instead, like bike riding (baby can go in a special baby-carriage), more trips to the beach with actual swimming or walking on the sand (while you stay with the baby), more walks together after dinner, more playing games together in the back yard instead of in front of the computer...

A lifestyle change, including a change in the food available in the house, is more likely to help than expecting her to drop everything to go to the gym when she has small children.


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

It's not obese, but 5'-2" / 150 lbs clearly shows she's not putting in much effort. Why lie to her?

She wants to live in a fantasy world where she's a 10, while her husband lives in the real world where he has a chubby wife.


----------



## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Thanks for your input. Much appreciated.
> 
> She is about 5'-2, 150 lbs. I realise it isn't "Obese" but it isn't skinny either. She is very flabby though.
> 
> ...


OP, I highlighted some of the things you said here that bring up red flags to me. You seem to not have much compassion, or general tender feelings towards your wife, in fact, you seem a bit hostile. While I understand that blubber can be a turn off. Did it ever occur to you that she got that way bringing YOUR two children into this world?

Sure she wants some compliments, who doesn't. She knows she is fat and it probably bothers her. She is also more than likely in a bit of denial of how she looks.

So how do you really feel about her? Can you love her and help her to feel good about herself if she never looses the weight, or is this a deal breaker?

If you really can't get into her until she looses weight then you need to find a loving, compassionate way to let her know this. YOU have to understand though that it isn't that easy, especially for a woman in her upper 30's who is fighting weight gain from TWO pregnancies.


----------



## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Are you SURE that she's not simply feeling INSECURE about her looks and is looking for assurance from YOU that you still find her 'attractive' underneath the surface? 

Are you SURE that when she walks into a room full of beautiful women that she's just looking for YOU to think that despite all of the make up, pedicures and workouts that these other women have TIME for, that you don't still see her as 'beautiful'? 

I once read a story about a man who had a wife who was dying from a lengthy battle with cancer. She had lost most of her hair, lost a lot of weight, had a double mastectomy, had lesions all over her body. Her skin was shriveled and her face was drained of blood. 

Yet during her last hour on earth, her husband was cradling her head in his arm. With tears streaming down his cheeks, he was telling her that she was the most "beautiful woman on earth" and how much he loved her. 

She died knowing that her husband looked through her disease and saw _her_. He saw her kindness to others. He saw her heart and soul. He saw her goodness. 

Can you do the same for YOUR wife?

Vega


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Boy women can hang out until 3am, have nothing but male friends, only participate in keep the peace sex twice a year but Lord help them if they gain 15lbs.


----------



## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I wonder, OP, if by "I want to think I'm the most beautiful woman in the room" your wife actually means "I want to *feel* like the most beautiful woman in the room".

By all means, don't tell her she's a delicate little flower. But I doubt that she went from a beautiful woman you were physically attracted to to Jabba the Hut. What about her DO you find attractive? Does she have beautiful eyes? A beautiful smile? When wearing clothes appropriate to her size does she wear them well? Do certain colors look really good on her?

Compliment those things. I might also (if you trust her friends enough) enlist a female friend to suggest being workout buddies. Don't tell her you asked her friend to work out with her though. I know for me, I have no motivation to work out unless someone is with me.


----------



## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> I agree with others here that I won't tell her what she wants to hear because to me it's a slap in the face to all the women who actually work hard to get their shape back by dieting, jogging, weights, etc. Why should someone get the credit that others deserve if they don't put the same effort in??
> 
> I gave her Insanity DVD's, Georges St. Pierre Rush Fit, the class schedule for Core Classes at the gym, Spin Class information, no interest is there at all.
> 
> It's not as if I am expecting her to be Kate Upton but if she wants compliments that others get, you have to put the time in.


If you don't feel she's a yummy mummy in your eyes I agree don't lie, but what relevance does what other women do/don't do have on if your wife is deserving of a compliment or not?

This posts sounds more like a teacher's reward system, deciding if a pupil should get a gold star or not based on how the other pupils have behaved in the week rather than someone talking about their spouse.


----------



## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



LoveAtDaisys said:


> I wonder, OP, if by "I want to think I'm the most beautiful woman in the room" your wife actually means "I want to *feel* like the most beautiful woman in the room"...*to my husband*.


----------



## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

If my my man described me as "flabby" I would introduce him to a fit lady who was a total b!tch. If he bought me dvds to lose weight I would buy him dvds on how to save a relationship. JMO.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Ah the trap question.

I answer this one this way just like miranda rights.

I refuse to answer the question on the basis that there is no correct answer and that any answer I may give will be used against me...

FOREVER.

IT gets me in trouble but less than a real answer.

Sounds like a self esteem issue.

Mine never lost the baby weight either. Shes mad at me for losing 30 pounds then asks me to buy cookies. She would never even let me see her weight when she weighs herself at the doctor. I saw it listed on her charts when she went into the hospital. We are eight pounds apart and Im nearly a foot taller. Yet Im the bad guy. Not going to gain the weight back tho. I like the new me who weighs 7 pounds less than when I got married. Its for me. Plus I feel better and tire less oh and SNORE LESS!

You could try weight training together. Good for both of you. Mine refused but your mileage may vary. Remember it really IS harder (but not impossible) for females to lose weight.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

You can't shame her into losing weight. I don't know what you've said, but if you've bought the Insanity DVDs which you said you did, I think she might have felt some shaming from you about her weight. Insanity is a great workout, but not for someone who is truly a novice like your wife. The more you persist in making her weight an issue, the less likely she'll want to address it because it becomes a power struggle then. 

I would try find things you could do together. The others have given great suggestions about how to do that, so I won't beat a dead horse.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



> *My wife only walks, nothing else,* won't take advice from anyone.


Your wife *"only"* WALKS? You have *such a smart wife! *Forget the gym - why a brisk walk is really the best workout | Mail Online

*WALKING* has always been my exercise of choice! My H bought us a treadmill so I can still walk when it snows.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> I work 6 days steady and make time to go work out or jog at 9pm when the kids are in bed so I do help out with bath and bed in case you are wondering.


At 9pm? After the kids are in bed? You leave? Really?

I hope she doesn't give it up for you when you get home from that!!! :scratchhead:


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> After the kids were born, she has gotten less and less interested in her figure and her looks. *


She's not that shallow as to neglect her family for such superficialities... 


Marriedand40 said:


> *I routinely see women that are older than her in way better shape than she is so it's only natural I am a bit envious.


She's been awful BUSY taking care of two very young children plus working three days a week!

I am past menopause now and birthed 8 children. *My weight fluctuated during childbearing years but now that I have TIME and ENERGY to spend on MYSELF I consistently stay at a trim weight very close to my bridal weight.



Marriedand40 said:


> She has time to exercise as she only works 3 days a week.


"Only"? 3 days? Plus a 5 yo and a 2 yo.



> Originally Posted by Marriedand40 View Post
> After the kids were born, she has gotten less and less interested in her figure and her looks. I on the other hand have maintained mine and have women in their 20's and 30's compliment me on a regular basis. Not ****y but being honest.


Yeah ****y IMO

Do her a HUGE favor and dump her so she can find herself a man who loves and appreciates her.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Blonde said:


> At 9pm? After the kids are in bed? You leave? Really?
> 
> I hope she doesn't give it up for you when you get home from that!!! :scratchhead:



I'm not seeing the problem with the above... he works all day, helps with the kids when he gets home, and then takes the time to better himself instead of plopping down in front of a TV with a beer. Sounds ideal to me!!

As for all the "it's hard to lose the baby weight, etc." that is so much BS. It's only hard if you refuse to put any effort into it. Especially if the "baby" is now 2. After my first son, which was a very difficult pregnancy with massive weight gain (116 lbs) I was back to pre-baby in under 9 months. I've now had 4 kids and only ended up with wider hips and some stretch marks, it's not evidenced by my weight. 

OP, what about finding some not so subtle, yet non-confrontational ways. The DVDs were a good idea, but a bit advanced. Does she watch a lot of television? If so, what about buying a stationary bike and putting it in the room she watches in? Someone mentioned bike riding and time with the kids. What about tossing the toddler in a stroller, throwing the older one his/her own bike and taking a daily tour around the neighborhood as a family? While she will not lose any significant weight, healthier choices lead to further healthier choices. If she loses a few pounds, she may decide she likes the feeling and continue by changing her diet and entertaining new exercises. Just remember to pay close attention and take notice when she sheds some. Praise goes a LONG way!


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> I'm not seeing the problem with the above... he works all day, helps with the kids when he gets home, and then takes the time to better himself instead of plopping down in front of a TV with a beer. Sounds ideal to me!!


He takes the only time they have had alone in a very long long day to go to the gym and salivate over 20 yo's with hard bodies, compares their bodies to his wife's and fumes with resentment that his wife does not "measure up"

You think that sounds like an "ideal" marriage? 

Sounds like a form of betrayal and a dealbreaker to me

(((((((shrug))))))) To each her own, I suppose. 
I wouldn't want him. The 20 yo can have him and good riddance!


----------



## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I suggest going for walks with her and the children. Make them enjoyable occasions for everyone. As time goes by, you may be able to encourage longer walks.

If she asks about her appearance, find something nice to say before saying she would look even better thinner.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

All I can say is she is your wife and it's your job as her husband to accept her for who she is and make her feel beautiful.

If you don't, someone else will.

If you are truly not attracted to her, then it's possibly worth telling her your true thoughts.


----------



## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> As for all the "it's hard to lose the baby weight, etc." that is so much BS. It's only hard if you refuse to put any effort into it. Especially if the "baby" is now 2. After my first son, which was a very difficult pregnancy with massive weight gain (116 lbs) I was back to pre-baby in under 9 months. I've now had 4 kids and only ended up with wider hips and some stretch marks, it's not evidenced by my weight.QUOTE]
> 
> MyHappyPlace, first off, congrats on being able to loose all your weight.
> 
> ...


----------



## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Once upon a time I was an L&D nurse. I can assure you that some women lose weight easier then others, especially after delivering a child.

And for C-section moms....good luck. That is even harder.

It just kills me when men want the babies, they want the fun in creating the babies, but whine and cry when their wives body change.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

After sleeping on this I have an idea. 

Send your wife away for a week of relaxation and fun (spa, cruise with her GF's) and you do *her* job. Take three days of vacation from your job, work three days, and care for the children full time with *no family nor extra babysitting help* than what she normally has. I think this may give you a new appreciation for how demanding her life is right now, working 3 days/week, and mommy of 5 and 2 yo (who isn't taking GNO's ad lib, say bye bye to ditching your family at 9pm! )

Nurse Hat On:

If she was my patient, I would be very encouraged and encouraging about her WALKING. 23 and 1/2 hours: What is the single best thing we can do for our health? - YouTube I would approach the extra weight as strictly a DIET issue. Cut out all sweetened drinks forever and go low carb for a month. She can lose 10 lb in a month if she keeps up the walking and goes low carb.


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Thanks alot everybody both the supporting comments and the comments from the ones that want to beat me! :lol:

Believe me, I am not a bully and the only reason I bought the DVD's is because I offered to cancel the gym membership she has to save money because in the last year, she hasn't gone once. She said I like the DVD's instead so that way I can do them at home at my leisure. So $120 later, they aren't being watched.

Also, she is a health care professional so she has the attitude that, "I took nutrition courses, nobody tells me what to do, etc."

I am not about to hire a babysitter during the week just so we can go for walks together. There are other activities she can do, learn to run clinics, boot camp classes, cardio kick boxing, etc. Her friends do these things and they always have a modest attitude with their figures.

I work with 2 men and both their wives, (one has a 9 year old and a 4 year old by the way), work 5 days a week. By the way and she is up every day at 5:30am and does a workout prior to going to work, so it can be done if you want to. She doesn't have an ego either.

I see alot of women in their 40's and 50's that blow me away and I admire and look up to them with great respect. I see them at running events and most have kids too. 

At my age, I am more attracted to a women that is fit and well kept at this age group than a 20 year old.

We all love sex and alot of it (like 90% of men) is physical attractiveness. The better you look, the more desirable you are, the more sex you get, the more compliments you receive.

I never say cross words to my wife. She always responds, it's what you don't say that bothers me too.

Sorry, she can't have it both ways. If she can spend evenings making cookies, muffins, and banana bread, she can do a real workout too.


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> At my age, I am more attracted to a women that is fit and well kept at this age group than a 20 year old.
> 
> 
> 
> If she can spend evenings making cookies, muffins, and banana bread, she can do a real workout too.


Then maybe you need to divorce your wife and find someone more compatible with the outward appearances that you're attracted to. 

Also if she wants to bake cookies and breads, then maybe thats what she enjoys. Its her right, just as its your right to workout if its what you enjoy.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Why compare her to other women? Maybe the Mom who is working out all night doesn't have time to bake cookies for her kids? Which would you really rather have? 
I'm about her size, an inch or so taller but the same weight, I still get compliments and feel good. I also walk, it is amazing for stress (which I would have a lot of if my husband ever spoke about me like you are!) But some days after work and kids, it's amazing that I can find the energy to get down the hallway to bed. There's no way I would be able to do a 30 minute workout. 
Why don't you stay home with the kids in the evening while she puts on an ipod and goes for a walk? Don't make it about her weight, just stress relief and getting out and away for a bit.

Also- almost every overweight person I have spoken to has said that comments and stress has made them want to give up and eat more. If I was always being told that other women were better than me because they can work out and be pretty and I can't, I just might say F-it and have a cookie too.


----------



## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> I am not about to hire a babysitter during the week just so we can go for walks together. There are other activities she can do, learn to run clinics, boot camp classes, cardio kick boxing, etc. Her friends do these things and they always have a modest attitude with their figures.
> 
> I work with 2 men and both their wives, (one has a 9 year old and a 4 year old by the way), work 5 days a week. By the way and she is up every day at 5:30am and does a workout prior to going to work, so it can be done if you want to. She doesn't have an ego either.
> 
> I see alot of women in their 40's and 50's that blow me away and I admire and look up to them with great respect. I see them at running events and most have kids too.


So you want her to lose weight but only in a certain way?
She isn't her friends so what/how they stay in shape isn't really relevant, their routine obviously doesn't work for her.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Let's also not loose sight of the fact that some people's bodies respond well to exercise, which is the kind of immediate reward that keeps them at it. Other people have bodies that are very slow to respond to working out. This is true for both men and women. I come from a family that tends to be lean, my husbands family tends to be wide. 

I have two daughters who inherited their fathers body type, short and wide. They work out 3 times as much as me and yet I am oodles leaner. One of those daughters is a marathon runner, works out every day and 3 times a week a single work out is more than I do in 10 days put together.

OP, I think you really need to be honest with yourself that you resent her "letting herself go." No one likes to think of themselves as selfish but it is kind of selfish to expect her to look a certain way, as if you deserve to have a hot wife and she's letting you down. Because her body type is different from yours, she responds differently to weight gain, to exercise, and even to dieting. 

Maybe being honest with yourself first ( yes I resent that she is no longer the hot wife she used to be and when I look in the mirror I feel like I deserve to have a wife who looks as good as I do) can help you really explore the rightness of feeling that so than you can start to see how unfair that is. You married the whole woman and the whole woman needs your love and acceptance. You have to find a way to give that to her.

Or leave her so that she can find a man who can love the whole woman, who does think that no matter who else is in the room, she is the most beautiful one.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



LonelyinLove said:


> Once upon a time I was an L&D nurse. I can assure you that some women lose weight easier then others, especially after delivering a child.
> 
> And for C-section moms....good luck. That is even harder.
> 
> It just kills me when men want the babies, they want the fun in creating the babies, but whine and cry when their wives body change.


If a man had to nurture a watermelon in his abdomen for 9 months and then push it out of his butt, I can guarandamtee you his body wouldn't look so hot either.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Just be honest with her.

Lots of wrath here from women who don't want to admit that "fat" is a lifestyle, not merely a look.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

The grass is greener out there, eh?

The way you speak about your wife comes across as MASSIVELY disrespectful and rejecting. Like someone in an "affair fog". 

If you were a woman who came on here talking about how you go out several nights at 9pm after the kids are in bed for GNO's where you lust after hot OM, you would be righteously raked over the coals.

If your wife came on here today, I would tell her to do a 180 and prepare to move on to a better life without you. You have broken the marriage vows "nourish and cherish, for better or worse, forsaking ALL others and keeping only unto you".


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> I'm not seeing the problem with the above... he works all day, helps with the kids when he gets home, and then takes the time to better himself instead of plopping down in front of a TV with a beer. Sounds ideal to me!!
> 
> As for all the "it's hard to lose the baby weight, etc." that is so much BS. It's only hard if you refuse to put any effort into it. Especially if the "baby" is now 2. After my first son, which was a very difficult pregnancy with massive weight gain (116 lbs) I was back to pre-baby in under 9 months. I've now had 4 kids and only ended up with wider hips and some stretch marks, it's not evidenced by my weight.
> 
> ...


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> I am not about to hire a babysitter during the week just so we can go for walks together.


 

You've got your priorities and "Couple Time" does not even make the radar.

I predict that you will need to change your screen name soon. 
"Divorced and 41"


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

My wife has had 4 children and manages to look hot. She does Zumba 5x a week and also runs on the treadmill. Yeah she has a little belly flab from having had c-sections that will never go away, but it looks fine. If I became sloppy or fat I'd absolutely understand her telling me that I needed to lose weight.

You can't fake being attracted to her, it's instinctual. Society is far too tolerant of overweight people who do nothing to change their situation.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Maybe his wife doesn't see herself as overweight. It's a miracle she has such healthy self esteem considering what her husband thinks of her i.e. fat, lazy, dresses inappropriately, arrogant.


----------



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Dude... I feel your pain. The truth will get your wife on the wife track to indeed be an attractive "yummy mommy." But she has to work for it. We all have to work for it. You just have to figure out how to get her back on track in an honest way that doesn't CRUSH her spirit. There is a way. You just have to find it.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Blondilocks said:


> Maybe his wife doesn't see herself as overweight. It's a miracle she has such healthy self esteem considering what her husband thinks of her i.e. fat, lazy, dresses inappropriately, arrogant.


Self esteem that's based upon a lie is worthless. She's fat and dresses like a slob. It's a problem fixed easily, she just needs to know it's a problem.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> Self esteem that's based upon a lie is worthless. She's fat and dresses like a slob. It's a problem fixed easily, she just needs to know it's a problem.


Wow! How incredibly patronizing. The 'don't feel good about yourself until I say you can' attitude is disgusting. Just because you equate tank tops and short shorts as dressing like a slob doesn't mean she does. She also doesn't need to be told she has a problem because SHE doesn't have one. The OP is the one who has the problem.

OP, you don't want to tell your wife she's a (ugh) Yummy Mommy. Fine. Just tell her "Honey, you're 38 years old. That category is too limiting for you."


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> Self esteem that's based upon a lie is worthless. She's fat and dresses like a slob. It's a problem fixed easily, she just needs to know it's a problem.


She's "about" 5'2 and roughly 150lbs (based on a husband who seems to have way too high expectations). A couple pounds or an inch or two off and she could easily fall into the normal side of things. I don't know how you can call someone fat without even seeing them. And why would self-esteem with 10 extra pounds be a lie? Some people look damn good with more curves. 

For the record, when I was skinny and size 0 would fall off me I was eating junk and not taking care of myself. I am healthier and happier now at 150 lbs then I ever was while skinny. I could understand if the problem was a concern about her health or wanting her to take better care of herself if she was doing nothing BUT she is walking and it's not good enough for him until she does the hardcore workouts like all his friend's skinny wives do


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> She's "about" 5'2 and roughly 150lbs (based on a husband who seems to have way too high expectations). A couple pounds or an inch or two off and she could easily fall into the normal side of things. I don't know how you can call someone fat without even seeing them. And why would self-esteem with 10 extra pounds be a lie? Some people look damn good with more curves.
> 
> For the record, when I was skinny and size 0 would fall off me I was eating junk and not taking care of myself. I am healthier and happier now at 150 lbs then I ever was while skinny. I could understand if the problem was a concern about her health or wanting her to take better care of herself if she was doing nothing BUT she is walking and it's not good enough for him until she does the hardcore workouts like all his friend's skinny wives do


5'2 at 150 lbs is fat. There's nothing to dispute here, regardless of how she wears her extra pounds. Extra pounds are extra pounds, and from the sounds of it, she doesn't dress the part that might make one glaze over it. Barring physical disability there's no excuse for being fat.


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> And as far as some bloggers say to leave and find someone else said:
> 
> 
> > And some may say its selfish to want to try to change someone else to how you think they should be.
> ...


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> 5'2 at 150 lbs is fat. There's nothing to dispute here, regardless of how she wears her extra pounds. Extra pounds are extra pounds, and from the sounds of it, she doesn't dress the part that might make one glaze over it. Barring physical disability there's no excuse for being fat.


Yuck, well I'd rather be fat than cruel and that attitude is way less attractive than some extra pounds could ever be. Those kind of words have the ability to trigger eating disorders and to be honest, it doesn't sound like either of you two would even think that was a bad thing as long as they are thin. 

Maybe someday his wife will find someone who likes a few extra pounds and wouldn't embarrass and insult her for it, or prefer that she spends her time working out and keeping up his status with his friends instead of being with her kids.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Exercise> Dieting
Weight training together together

You will BOTH look better


----------



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Honestly, of the moms I know, the weight either comes off easily after childbirth or it's a ridiculously hard battle. Your genes are just luck of the draw. I also strongly disagree with the idea that your weight is a reflection of your virtue--that if you eat poorly and don't exercise, you're a fat slob and you're worth less than someone who exercises and is trim. I think it's really fat-shaming dressed up as lifestyle-choice shaming, and I think it's very wrong.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I haven't seen anyone else ask this - what was your wife like before children? Was she very thin? Was she naturally thin just from walking or did she work out a lot?


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Yuck, well I'd rather be fat than cruel and that attitude is way less attractive than some extra pounds could ever be. Those kind of words have the ability to trigger eating disorders and to be honest, it doesn't sound like either of you two would even think that was a bad thing as long as they are thin.
> 
> Maybe someday his wife will find someone who likes a few extra pounds and wouldn't embarrass and insult her for it, or prefer that she spends her time working out and keeping up his status with his friends instead of being with her kids.


Those words aren't words being spoken to a wife. Of course I'd be more tactful toward a person when discussing her weight, but what I wrote is fundamentally true. Wrapping it up and putting a bow on it isn't going to change this fundamental truth.

You think it's okay to be overweight and have your rolls pouring out of clothes that don't fit your frame? If his wife got rid of the sweets, ate a good diet and exercised an hour a day she would be at a normal weight by this time next year. If she looks like a complete mess, how do you expect him to be attracted to her? Her lack of care in her appearance speaks volumes on how much she cares about her husband. It's not as if she's trying and having a hard time, she's doing absolutely nothing.

OP, why don't you try to do something with her if she's not going to do this on her own? Is she competitive? If so maybe get one of those activity trackers for both of you and see who can burn more calories in a day.


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Thanks for everyone's honesty. We all have opinions on what's fat and what isn't. For anyone who thinks that 5-2", 150 lbs isn't fat, please google the internet and post a picture of a lady with that description. You probably won't find one.

Brock Landers, you are more honest than me. You are just fortunate your wife is vain and takes care of herself.

I still love my wife, no question but I would be more attracted to her if she wasn't so out of shape.

Before we got married, she was around 125 lbs but it seems like that was to just look good on the wedding day. Shortly after that, with house renovations and planning our first child, the interest waned.

As far as sex goes, we are around 2 to 3 times a month. I am not a womaniser as some assume, I just take care of myself when I am in the mood.

I mean it when I say my kids are #1. We also have a nice house together that we couldn't afford without 2 incomes so that is important too. It may sound shallow but it's the truth.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Before we got married, she was around 125 lbs but it seems like that was to just look good on the wedding day. Shortly after that, with house renovations and planning our first child, the interest waned.


If she wasn't into working out before I don't see how you can expect her to get into it now. Walking actually can make you lose weight especially if you do it briskly & regularly. At my thinnest it was mostly due to walking (very hilly area though!). I'm your wife's height and at thinnest about 105. 

I can say as someone struggling with getting older & dealing with a bit of weight gain, the absolute WORST thing my SO could do would be to compare me to my friends or buy me workout videos . Best thing would be (and is) doing things I already like to do, like walking, and doing them together. I know you want faster results but if this will work why not try it?


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Wiserforit said:


> Just be honest with her.
> 
> Lots of wrath here from women who don't want to admit that "fat" is a lifestyle, not merely a look.


QFT. 

IMO the haters should qualify their posts with their height & weight. :FIREdevil:


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Thanks for everyone's honesty. We all have opinions on what's fat and what isn't. For anyone who thinks that 5-2", 150 lbs isn't fat, please google the internet and post a picture of a lady with that description. You probably won't find one.
> 
> Brock Landers, you are more honest than me. You are just fortunate your wife is vain and takes care of herself.
> 
> ...


My wife isn't necessarily vain, she was a fat teenager who was taunted for being fat. She never wants to go back to that, and I don't blame her. Not that I agree with calling anyone names, but if she were given false indications that nothing was wrong she'd probably be a whale now. Westerners all seem to want to obfuscate personal responsibility by inventing words like "husky" or "thick" instead of just calling it how it is. You can't fix a problem you don't know exists, I don't believe in dancing around issues like that. Just think of when you were in school - how many people do you remember being fat? 3 or 4 maybe? Look around you now, it's an epidemic and it's unfortunate.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> You are just fortunate your wife is vain and takes care of herself.


Vanity is not the best thing in a wife! I obsess about a 1 or 2 lb weight fluctuation and I can tell you my SO would appreciate a little less vanity. He would much rather I parade around in short shorts & a short top than cover up with baggy clothes.


----------



## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Buying your wife gym memberships and workout videos when she doesn't ask for one is like buying her a vacuum or a washing machine for her birthday. It's being a supreme azzholio even if you meant it in the nicest possible way. 

OTOH People who are fat shouldn't be trolling for false compliments to make them feel good about or accept their fatness as hotness and they sure shouldn't dress in short shorts with muffin tops out the top and saggy cheeks out the bottom as it looks really bad and no one wants to see it. 

I think the OP needs to accept his wife for what she is and try to instill change with a positive attitude as your posts come across way too strong and rather shallow. 

The solution is to get your wife and kids involved in fun activities with YOU so you are spending time together doing something that is fun while you are secretly gettng her to burn calories while getting off the couch and putting down the chicken wings.


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

....but she did ask for the videos.


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

He's not telling her she's fat, the issue is that she wants him to tell her she's a "yummy mommy". He shouldn't lie to feed her ego. He should tell her that her hair looks nice, and perhaps he should take her shopping to buy clothes that fit. Clothes that fit properly can make a women look much better than clothes that fit like sausage casing.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



OnTheRocks said:


> IMO the haters should qualify their posts with their height & weight. :FIREdevil:


Au contraire OTR, I think those of us who feel confident and great about how we look after bearing multiple children are chiming in for the sistahood 

5'8" 160lb (Please no quoting as I will be deleting the photo )


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

My husband has his flaws but one of the sweetest most loving things he ever said to me one time when I was complaining @ my stubborn "jelly belly". Caressing my belly he said, "Don't you ever be ashamed of your belly. Wear it with honor and pride because you earned it having my babies"

When he is good, he is sooo good! :smthumbup:


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Wow, haters gonna hate! How come so many women sound so bitter?? OP didn't come here because his wife is so unattractive that he had an affair or is heading towards the hills, which by the way already puts him ahead of some posters here! He came because his wife wants him to condone her unhealthy behaviors and he was questioning the integrity of it. 

When my daughter (our 4th child) was about 6 months old, I asked my husband "If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?" His automatic response was "your stomach." He later admitted to feeling like an ass for saying it, but I appreciated the honesty. Did his answer sting a little? Damn right it did! But it also prompted me to get my butt in gear and be the woman he fell in love with. 
OP is not a massive jerk for wanting his W to put some effort into her appearance. If he hadn't been attracted to her in the first place, I'm guessing a relationship never would have started. So why are we so hateful towards him for wanting his wife to at least try to retain and/or regain that attractiveness??


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Blonde said:


> My husband has his flaws but one of the sweetest most loving things he ever said to me one time when I was complaining @ my stubborn "jelly belly". Caressing my belly he said, "Don't you ever be ashamed of your belly. Wear it with honor and pride because you earned it having my babies"
> 
> When he is good, he is sooo good! :smthumbup:


That's quite a different situation than the OP though. You're not overweight. If you sat on the couch eating junk food and blimped up what do you think he would say?


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

My STBW, 38, two kids. 5'5" 135 lbs. Natural, but still very perky boobs, and not a stretch mark on her. She has a bit of a belly. Without any prompting from me what so ever, she has been working on firming it up, and I can't tell you how important and meaningful to me just the simple act of trying is.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> Wow, haters gonna hate! How come so many women sound so bitter?? OP didn't come here because his wife is so unattractive that he had an affair or is heading towards the hills, which by the way already puts him ahead of some posters here! He came because his wife wants him to condone her unhealthy behaviors and he was questioning the integrity of it.
> 
> When my daughter (our 4th child) was about 6 months old, I asked my husband "If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?" His automatic response was "your stomach." He later admitted to feeling like an ass for saying it, but I appreciated the honesty. Did his answer sting a little? Damn right it did! But it also prompted me to get my butt in gear and be the woman he fell in love with.
> OP is not a massive jerk for wanting his W to put some effort into her appearance. If he hadn't been attracted to her in the first place, I'm guessing a relationship never would have started. So why are we so hateful towards him for wanting his wife to at least try to retain and/or regain that attractiveness??


I don't think he is bad for wanting her to lose the weight but she has only gained 25 lbs from her lowest weight (which OP says was when she was dieting for the wedding and was unusually slim). So if she is only trying to lose maybe 20 lbs I suggest he not push her into extreme fitness regiments or anything like that, but just actually encourage small lifestyle changes like walking more which apparently she does like to do.

I think since he doesn't (at this point) want to divorce over it he should try what might have the best chance of working which is not (IMHO) making her feel bad.

I don't know any woman who is 20 or 30 lbs overweight, especially with very slim/fit friends, who doesn't know exactly how fat she is. I don't think there is any need to remind her.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



samyeagar said:


> Natural, but still very perky boobs, and not a stretch mark on her.


This is cool but nothing that any woman can do anything about (having saggy boobs/stretch marks). I just quote it because as a woman trying to deal with an aging/post-childbirth body, there are some things you just can't fix with diet or the gym. I would hate for my SO to come on here saying "well her boobs are a little saggy, and she has stretch marks". 

Does that make sense? I know you are just complimenting your STBW and it is very cool she works hard to look good for you so I don't want to be rude.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



greenfern said:


> I don't think he is bad for wanting her to lose the weight but she has only gained 25 lbs from her lowest weight (which OP says was when she was dieting for the wedding and was unusually slim). So if she is only trying to lose maybe 20 lbs I suggest he not push her into extreme fitness regiments or anything like that, but just actually encourage small lifestyle changes like walking more which apparently she does like to do.
> 
> I think since he doesn't (at this point) want to divorce over it he should try what might have the best chance of working which is not (IMHO) making her feel bad.
> 
> I don't know any woman who is 20 or 30 lbs overweight, especially with very slim/fit friends, who doesn't know exactly how fat she is. I don't think there is any need to remind her.


One thing though, the ideal weight for her height is between 110 and 120 lbs. So going by the upper boundary she's 30 lbs overweight. That means that she's carrying around a mass equal to what would be 1/4 of her ideal weight. That's a lot of extra fat.


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Since divorce isn't an option then you may just have to accept it. You can beat your head against the wall
all day long in hopes she wakes up and sees the light, but that may or may not happen. You can try to encourage her 
the best you can, but in the end it's her decision. She will need to change for herself not for you or anyone else. If acceptance
is hard for you then you may need to rethink some things!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



greenfern said:


> This is cool but nothing that any woman can do anything about (having saggy boobs/stretch marks). I just quote it because as a woman trying to deal with an aging/post-childbirth body, there are some things you just can't fix with diet or the gym. I would hate for my SO to come on here saying "well her boobs are a little saggy, and she has stretch marks".
> 
> Does that make sense? I know you are just complimenting your STBW and it is very cool she works hard to look good for you so I don't want to be rude.


Oh, you didn't come off as rude at all. I know I hit the jackpot with her. I pointed those things out for a couple of reasons. One, she is a complete knockout, and it would have been very easy for her to just stay the course, and not do anything to work on herself physically. To be honest, it wouldn't bother me at all if she did just that. There has not been a woman I have ever seen or known in my life that I have been so completely attracted to. The second thing is, and I reiterate, I have never said word one to her about any perceived flaws in her appearance, that she has taken the initiative to do this herself because she is proud of herself and proud of me, and wants to look her best.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> One thing though, the ideal weight for her height is between 110 and 120 lbs. So going by the upper boundary she's 30 lbs overweight. That means that she's carrying around a mass equal to what would be 1/4 of her ideal weight. That's a lot of extra fat.


Where did you get that number? Her BMI would be normal at 135 but I think it's up to her Dr to decide what a healthy number for her is.

Like I said, I'm 150 and about 5'4. I wear size 10 in bottoms and medium in tops. I just think it's so crazy to think that a woman this size doesn't deserve compliments because Mommy next door works out to insanity while she just walks. When I look good (and I can and do, fat and all) I get compliments. If someone thought that telling me I looked nice wasn't fair to the skinny women out there :scratchhead: I wouldn't bother dealing with them anymore. 

It's not like his wife is doing nothing, she's walking and sounds like she's keeping a positive attitude which is very important.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Blonde said:


> If your wife came on here today, I would tell her to do a 180 and prepare to move on to a better life without you. You have broken the marriage vows "nourish and cherish, for better or worse, forsaking ALL others and keeping only unto you".


Blonde,

You seem to have a real ax to grind here. You are twisting everything the OP says into the worst light possible, and all your advice consists of "divorce, divorce, divorce". That's not very helpful. 

And accusing him of breaking his marriage vows is *REALLY* over the top. First of all, because he isn't cheating on his wife (as far as anyone knows), and second of all, because you have no way of knowing what vows they made on their wedding day.

Maybe something in his story triggered something for you? It's obvious someone or something has hurt you in real life and you want to lash out, but I doubt the OP had anything to do with that, so don't punish him for it.

Now, back to the matter at hand, the OP isn't wrong to simply ask these questions. He's not calling his wife fat to her face, he's simply reluctant to praise her looks when she is gaining weight. 

What do women 5'2" and 150 lbs look like? You can see photos of examples at this link right here. 

I don't know if she qualifies as obese or not, but it's not a healthy weight. Still, many women are extremely attractive even at that body size. I wouldn't call her a "yummy mommy" but I would encourage her to wear clothing more clothing that's more flattering to her body type. 

However, this definitely falls in the category of "first world problems". There are more important things in the world to worry about.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> One thing though, the ideal weight for her height is between 110 and 120 lbs. So going by the upper boundary she's 30 lbs overweight. That means that she's carrying around a mass equal to what would be 1/4 of her ideal weight. That's a lot of extra fat.


That's not true. She's not 30 pounds overweight. While she is overweight, she's about 14 pounds above the upper limit for her height. She's 5'2" and 150. According to the Centers for Disease Control, the healthy body mass index for a woman her height is 101 to 136 pounds. If she lost 14 pounds, which is not a lot of weight in the scheme of things, she'd be in the normal range for her height. She doesn't have to get down to 120 pounds unless that's her goal. 

Healthy Weight: Assessing Your Weight: Body Mass Index (BMI) | DNPAO | CDC


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Where did you get that number? Her BMI would be normal at 135 but I think it's up to her Dr to decide what a healthy number for her is.
> 
> Like I said, I'm 150 and about 5'4. I wear size 10 in bottoms and medium in tops. I just think it's so crazy to think that a woman this size doesn't deserve compliments because Mommy next door works out to insanity while she just walks. When I look good (and I can and do, fat and all) I get compliments. If someone thought that telling me I looked nice wasn't fair to the skinny women out there :scratchhead: I wouldn't bother dealing with them anymore.
> 
> It's not like his wife is doing nothing, she's walking and sounds like she's keeping a positive attitude which is very important.


You need to run those numbers again, the OP's wife is 5'2. Also, I said 'ideal' weight - not weight in the normal range.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Ideal for who? You? If she is at a normal, healthy weight I don't see how that is not ideal. There is a link above you, the same one I got my numbers from.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Coffee Amore said:


> That's not true. She's not 30 pounds overweight. While she is overweight, she's about 14 pounds above the upper limit for her height. She's 5'2" and 150. According to the Centers for Disease Control, the healthy body mass index for a woman her height is 101 to 136 pounds. If she lost 14 pounds, which is not a lot of weight in the scheme of things, she'd be in the normal range for her height. She doesn't have to get down to 120 pounds unless that's her goal.
> 
> Healthy Weight: Assessing Your Weight: Body Mass Index (BMI) | DNPAO | CDC


That's the absolute upper end of the scale. In fact she's so close that on some days she would inevitably slip back to overweight. If she put on an extra 2 lbs she would slip back into the overweight category. Who doesn't have at least a 3-5 difference between days?

Also notice I said "ideal." Why aim for less than ideal in anything you do?


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Ideal for who? You? If she is at a normal, healthy weight I don't see how that is not ideal. There is a link above you, the same one I got my numbers from.


Ideal according to a number of different formulas. I found them here:

Ideal Weight Calculator


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> That's the absolute upper end of the scale. In fact she's so close that on some days she would inevitably slip back to overweight. If she put on an extra 2 lbs she would slip back into the overweight category. Who doesn't have at least a 3-5 difference between days?
> 
> Also notice I said "ideal." Why aim for less than ideal in anything you do?


Give the woman something she can achieve. She's more likely to lose 14 pounds than 30. If she gets to 136 pounds then she can try to lose a bit more to have more leeway, but telling her right off the bat that she's 30 pounds overweight is factually incorrect based on current guidelines.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Coffee Amore said:


> Give the woman something she can achieve. She's more likely to lose 14 pounds than 30. If she gets to 136 pounds then she can try to lose a bit more to have more leeway, but telling her right off the bat that she's 30 pounds overweight is factually incorrect based on current guidelines.


You're correct, the 30lb figure doesn't represent pounds overweight it represents number of pounds over the ideal weight. And I agree, she shouldn't be discouraged since if her goal is lower than 135 she'd have to hit 135 before she hit her goal. However she shouldn't have praise heaped all over her for weighing a normal weight.

Let's put it this way, if you had a bright child and he got a 79 on a test that he could clearly have gotten in the 90s, would you praise him for passing the test?


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



northernlights said:


> Honestly, of the moms I know, the weight either comes off easily after childbirth or it's a ridiculously hard battle. Your genes are just luck of the draw.


Two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese. It doesn't have anything to do with childbirth. 




> I also strongly disagree with the idea that your weight is a reflection of your virtue--that if you eat poorly and don't exercise, you're a fat slob and you're worth less than someone who exercises and is trim. I think it's really fat-shaming dressed up as lifestyle-choice shaming, and I think it's very wrong.


Excellent, thanks. For showing how manipulative people can be. Nobody has used the term virtue except you, and it is to make up a straw man argument, pretending that anyone says fat people are immoral vs skinny people being moral. 

Whine all you want, but fat is less healthy and less attractive. Those are facts, not "shaming".


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese. It doesn't have anything to do with childbirth.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hey if we're going to approach this issue with logic and facts let's just point out the easiest solution: the OPs wife should gain 6 inches, and I'm not talking about playing hide the sausage with the old lady.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Theseus said:


> Blonde,
> 
> You seem to have a real ax to grind here. You are twisting everything the OP says into the worst light possible, and all your advice consists of "divorce, divorce, divorce". That's not very helpful.
> 
> ...


Touche! Triggers and red flags all over the place... Had a daddy who married a 22 yo when I was 18 and a husband who had an affair with a 25 yo when he was 55.

I admit to reading between the lines and assuming that they made traditional wedding vows like nourishing cherishing and forsaking all others (which excludes flirting!)

The lack of kindness, respect, or compassion toward his wife reminds me of affair fog. ((((shrug)))



Marriedand40 said:


> After the kids were born, she has gotten less and less interested in her figure and her looks. I on the other hand *have maintained mine and have women in their 20's and 30's compliment me on a regular basis.* Not ****y but being honest.


and this



Marriedand40 said:


> I work 6 days steady and make time to go work out or jog *at 9pm* when the kids are in bed


Going out at 9 pm how many times a week? My husband would be at bars flirting. I assume Mr 40 is at the gym with his young female admirers. Bar or gym, same difference. He's not home with his wife and got indignant at the thought of hiring a babysitter for a "Couple Time" walk.

Sorry I just can't empathize with you PresentlyMarriedAnd40. So sorry. 

I will unsubscribe lest I hurt your feelings too much.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> You're correct, the 30lb figure doesn't represent pounds overweight it represents number of pounds over the ideal weight. And I agree, she shouldn't be discouraged since if her goal is lower than 135 she'd have to hit 135 before she hit her goal. However she shouldn't have praise heaped all over her for weighing a normal weight.
> 
> Let's put it this way, if you had a bright child and he got a 79 on a test that he could clearly have gotten in the 90s, would you praise him for passing the test?


It's not the same at all. Take 10 5'2 women and they will all have a different ideal weight, that's why they base is on what is typically healthy. An ideal weight is based on her body frame, body type, etc. not to mention preference. Many men prefer a woman on the upper end of normal vs. the lower end (something to grab on to) Do you really believe that all men want their women to be on the low end of normal? Many women prefer to be a bit bigger too, they find their curves more attractive. *Some men prefer obese women but I'm just talking about the normal range here* Trust me, I doubt a woman of his wife's size would have a hard time finding a man who loves her body just as it is and confidence is sexy is a woman regardless of her size. 

And when did weight become the only part of beauty? I have seen some stunningly beautiful overweight women. If someone has a problem complimenting their wife because of a bit of extra weight then they shouldn't be surprised if she finds someone else who will. Find what is beautiful about your partner and admire it. There is no downside to making your wife feel good about herself. Making her feel like crap could cause her to want to give up or fall into depression- which often causes more weight gain- develop eating/body issues, or look somewhere else for the attention she isn't getting at home because her husband is out admiring skinny women.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> It's not the same at all. Take 10 5'2 women and they will all have a different ideal weight, that's why they base is on what is typically healthy. An ideal weight is based on her body frame, body type, etc. not to mention preference. Many men prefer a woman on the upper end of normal vs. the lower end (something to grab on to) Do you really believe that all men want their women to be on the low end of normal? Many women prefer to be a bit bigger too, they find their curves more attractive. *Some men prefer obese women but I'm just talking about the normal range here* Trust me, I doubt a woman of his wife's size would have a hard time finding a man who loves her body just as it is and confidence is sexy is a woman regardless of her size.
> 
> And when did weight become the only part of beauty? I have seen some stunningly beautiful overweight women. If someone has a problem complimenting their wife because of a bit of extra weight then they shouldn't be surprised if she finds someone else who will. Find what is beautiful about your partner and admire it. There is no downside to making your wife feel good about herself. Making her feel like crap could cause her to want to give up or fall into depression- which often causes more weight gain- develop eating/body issues, or look somewhere else for the attention she isn't getting at home because her husband is out admiring skinny women.


This kind of rationalizing is why North Americans are so fat. Do a few extra pounds look good on some women? Of course. That however is the exception. It usually looks varying degrees of bad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Eh, I'll just have to walk away since it's just upsetting me. If a healthy weight isn't good enough and you are only looking for skinny then I am glad you have a partner that fits your ideal. Every man and woman is different and couples should work together to find a happy solution. I will however take the time to thank my man for liking big butts, a bit of curves and despite other problems in out relationship never making me feel bad about my weight, I think I took it a bit for granted before reading this and now I appreciate it even more


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> And when did weight become the only part of beauty?


Nobody said it was. Being unreasonable like this sure is unattractive. Being both unreasonable and fat isn't going to get you far with men. 




> If someone has a problem complimenting their wife because of a bit of extra weight then they shouldn't be surprised if she finds someone else who will. Find what is beautiful about your partner and admire it. There is no downside to making your wife feel good about herself. Making her feel like crap could cause her to want to give up or fall into depression- which often causes more weight gain- develop eating/body issues, or look somewhere else for the attention she isn't getting at home because her husband is out admiring skinny women.


Plenty of fat people don't have this uber-defensive attitude about it. Me, for example. It was an accident that changed my lifestyle so radically the last two years, but that "excuse" doesn't make me any less fat.

I'm a fattie! :lol:


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> This kind of rationalizing is why North Americans are so fat. Do a few extra pounds look good on some women? Of course. That however is the exception. It usually looks varying degrees of bad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




:iagree:THIS:iagree:

And yes, confidence is sexy as hell. Wearing short shorts and too tight tanks tops that leave your wiggly thighs, muffin top, and back fat hanging around the hems, is NOT SEXY

"Oh it's just a few pounds."
"It's just one half pound burger."
"I'll go the gym tomorrow, show X is on tonight."

Leading causes of America the Land of Obesity.

OP, does your wife want to lose the weight? You said she asked for the DVDs and does walk, sounds like she maybe does want to make the effort but because she doesn't see immediate results, she ends up disappointed and lacks the will power to continue any serious regime. Find out if there are any gyms with a HIIT program nearby. Maybe an open gym terrifies her? But possibly a group program with a personal trainer would fit her okay. She would see amazing results rather quickly and could even make friends in the group environment. Friends who are going through the same thing!


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Eh, I'll just have to walk away since it's just upsetting me. If a healthy weight isn't good enough and you are only looking for skinny then I am glad you have a partner that fits your ideal. Every man and woman is different and couples should work together to find a happy solution. *I will however take the time to thank my man for liking big butts, a bit of curves and despite other problems in out relationship never making me feel bad about my weight, I think I took it a bit for granted before reading this and now I appreciate it even more*


Yes, I feel the need to thank mine for never making feel anything but beautiful and sexy in his eyes despite all the imperfections I know I have. If anything, THAT's what motivates me to eat better and workout more. And that's what keeps me trying when I fail.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

norajane said:


> Yes, I feel the need to thank mine for never making feel anything but beautiful and sexy in his eyes despite all the imperfections I know I have. If anything, THAT's what motivates me to eat better and workout more. And that's what keeps me trying when I fail.


Imperfections are beautiful. I've loved big noses, big thighs, moles, etc. People are complex. Remember that actress Jennifer Grey with the big schnoz? She had rhinoplasty and it ruined her career.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Wiserforit said:


> Two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese. It doesn't have anything to do with childbirth.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


People don't have to use the term "virtue" to address the idea, and the concept (another word for "idea") has been brought up on this thread that people with willpower and determination are able to look a certain way, and people with less willpower and determination (i.e., less virtuous people) are fat. No strawman there, buddy.

As far as fat being less healthy and less attractive, you have no idea how much the media and American culture has affected your concept of what's attractive. And as for health, well, there's plenty of data showing that people in the "overweight" category actually have the lowest mortality. 

Lest you dismiss me as yet another overweight mom getting defensive, I'll add that I'm 5' 5" and 112 lbs.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

northernlights said:


> People don't have to use the term "virtue" to address the idea, and the concept (another word for "idea") has been brought up on this thread that people with willpower and determination are able to look a certain way, and people with less willpower and determination (i.e., less virtuous people) are fat. No strawman there, buddy.
> 
> As far as fat being less healthy and less attractive, you have no idea how much the media and American culture has affected your concept of what's attractive. And as for health, well, there's plenty of data showing that people in the "overweight" category actually have the lowest mortality.
> 
> Lest you dismiss me as yet another overweight mom getting defensive, I'll add that I'm 5' 5" and 112 lbs.


This thread has been hijacked by women looking for self approval. To state otherwise would be intellectually dishonest. 120 lbs at 5'2 is not skinny by any measure. Please refer to outlandish desires expressed. However, remember this thread is supposed to benefit the OP, not stoke your self esteem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



thunderstruck said:


> That's really just some BS label. If you think she's attractive/hot, just tell her. If you don't find her attractive, you need to tell her that as well. No point in you moping around her, building up resentment.


:iagree:

If you think she's attractive, then she's a "Yummy Mommy" to you.

Doesn't matter what the "world" thinks.

But I'm thinking you don't find her attractive at all.


----------



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> This thread has been hijacked by women looking for self approval. To state otherwise would be intellectually dishonest. 120 lbs at 5'2 is not skinny by any measure. Please refer to outlandish desires expressed. However, remember this thread is supposed to benefit the OP, not stoke your self esteem.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh for Pete's sake, you really think the women who've commented here are just looking for approval? I know, women are so incapable of discussing an idea, right? God, it's relentless on this website.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

northernlights said:


> Oh for Pete's sake, you really think the women who've commented here are just looking for approval? I know, women are so incapable of discussing an idea, right? God, it's relentless on this website.


Again it's about you or women being slighted and not the guy looking for help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

So - you work six days a week, go to the gym or go on runs by yourself after the kids are asleep - and she isn't allowed to come with you because you don't want to hire a sitter. So - she stays home while the kids are asleep while you make time to work out at the gym and stare at chicks, and then come home and condemn her for not looking like them when she's home with the kids and can't come. That makes sense. You want her to work out - on your schedule, on her own, to the activities you choose. 

What about making a little time for your wife? What time do you two actually spend together? 

You feel that your praise and feelings are only for those who "deserve" them - the rocking hard bodies that flirt with you all the time at the gym. The fact that you, your mom, and your sister sit around and discuss your wife in those terms is really unflattering. Ganging up with your mom on your wife, really?

And yes, she works three days a week, but are the kids in daycare the days she isn't working? Because otherwise, who is meant to be watching the 2 year old (I'm guessing the 5 year old is in preschool/school?) while she's doing Insanity videos?



> I don't think anyone regardless of sex should think they are better than what they are.


No offense, OP but I think you fall into this as well. Sorry but "being better" isn't just judged on your abs. 



> I agree with others here that I won't tell her what she wants to hear because to me it's a slap in the face to all the women who actually work hard to get their shape back by dieting, jogging, weights, etc. Why should someone get the credit that others deserve if they don't put the same effort in??


I think giving yourself the father of the year award for staying home just long enough to help with bedtime and then basically having "me time" until unknown hours of the night is giving yourself credit when others put in more effort. 

I mean when you leave for the gym at 9 PM what time do you get home? Do you and the wife ever do to bed at the same time? Even if she was the "Yummy Mommy" how would that not kill your sex life?


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



northernlights said:


> As far as fat being less healthy and less attractive, you have no idea how much the media and American culture has affected your concept of what's attractive.


My weiner is controlled by the media. 

You have it exactly backwards. The media puts attractive people on stage. They don't put unattractive people on stage in order to manipulate us into believing they are attractive.





> People don't have to use the term "virtue" to address the idea, and the concept (another word for "idea") has been brought up on this thread that people with willpower and determination are able to look a certain way, and people with less willpower and determination (i.e., less virtuous people) are fat. No strawman there, buddy.


Repeating yourself doesn't make it true. 

You are currently trying to pretend that losing weight doesn't show determination and willpower. 




> And as for health, well, there's plenty of data showing that people in the "overweight" category actually have the lowest mortality.


There are slim people with very poor health habits, like cigarette smokers, alcoholics, meth heads, those in extreme poverty, etc. so there are plenty of slim people who will die sooner than heavier people with better health habits. So sure, there are confounding factors.

Which is why I have been pretty clear on exercise and diet from the beginning. 




> Lest you dismiss me as yet another overweight mom getting defensive, I'll add that I'm 5' 5" and 112 lbs.


It's being unreasonable that is decidedly unattractive with you.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Your weiner could be controlled by the media. You know nothing different. 

In some cultures, the bigger woman the better. In history, full figured women were thought to be beautiful...look at any famous painting-- the women aren't trim, nor slim.

I am not a skinny woman, nor do I want to be. But I don't need any approval from anyone but myself when it comes to how I feel about my body.

OP, Maybe your wife just is very insecure and wants to believe you think she's beautiful. I don't usually ask for opinions or "nice words" unless I'm thinking down on myself.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



that_girl said:


> Your weiner could be controlled by the media. You know nothing different.


Rubbish. My preference for athletes long preceded the media's eventual acceptance of athletic bodies in women, and I always found the bodies of models revolting. I see they are toning up more recently, but not enough to my liking.

But more than anything else, all over the media are women plastered with make-up, high heels, and ridiculous clothing that makes me ill, especially make-up. 

Why are my tastes so radically different if I am a mindless boob that likes what the media tells me to like?




> In some cultures, the bigger woman the better. In history, full figured women were thought to be beautiful...look at any famous painting-- the women aren't trim, nor slim.


It isn't the media driving tastes in those cultures either. You are pretending the media is some independent, arbitrary all-powerful force instead of being governed by market forces within a given culture. 

Which brings us to the issue of intelligence. Intelligent women are far more attractive than ones who can't grasp elementary logic. 





> I am not a skinny woman, nor do I want to be. But I don't need any approval from anyone but myself when it comes to how I feel about my body.


Not true, or you wouldn't make ridiculous statements like you have above. You seem to feel the need to make emotionally manipulative arguments that amount to calling people mindless automatons because they don't prefer your body type.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

LOL whatever dude.

Plenty of people like my body  Not worrying if you do or don't  But I get it. I don't like buff guys. Or men with small penises. Good day.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Interesting. That last post makes you sound so incredibly passive aggressive TG. It sounds like fake confidence punctuated with a passive aggressive jab at the end. Like the person who mutters their parting shot under their breath as they walk away...

And hey guys, nice thread jacking. Really, none of this was about you. It was about OP asking if he was wrong because he wouldn't lie to his wife to stroke her ego. BTW, the answer to that is still a big fat NO, you aren't wrong to not lie!!


----------



## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I've read the thread and while it got off topic a little bit, if I cut out the extra noise I can roughly see two arguments, the first one being 'this marriage will be fine as soon as your fat wife changes!' and the second one being 'wow, this marriage sounds like it's in trouble, because your values appear to be entirely different.'

So I'd have to agree with the latter. And not just because I'm a fat wife.

I hope the OP and his wife can reach a compromise.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

*Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Your wife is communicating a need of hers that she'd like you to meet.

You can't expect your wife to change her habits to how you want her to live. She must do this all on her own. She's your wife, the mother of your children. I assume you love her. Don't you want to make her happy?

I'm sure glad that my husband really works hard meeting my needs when we discuss them. I do the same for him. We have a great marriage.


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Thanks for some show of support people.

Blonde:

The gym I attend has about 90% men there and the 10% women work out in the women's section. I am home within the hour and by 10 pm I am having a can of tuna, protein shake, unloading the dishwasher, wiping countertops and having a shower before bed. Just because you know stories of men cheating, don't paint us all with the same brush.

Not once has my wife ever complained that she doesn't have time to work out since I am the one that is going all the time. I don't go all the time either, 3 days + 2 jogs a week is maximum, sometimes I miss a day or two a week.

By the way, you look hot in that picture, beautiful blue dress.

When I got married, I specifiically told my wife 2 pet peeves I have with women. I don't like women who dress inappropriately for their body type and I don't like flabby arms and large stomachs.

It's not as if I ever said, you must look like a super model or anything of the sort. If a man had a wife who dieted, worked out, jogged, etc. and she told her couch potato type husband to start shaping up, most women would be supporting her 100%. You know what, most men would too. If a man dares say anything less than supportive to their spouse, then they are the bad guys. We are all equal here people.

My wife was the one who wanted a gym membership, I had one on my own, then it changed to DVD's she saw on Infomercials.

The bottom line is that she stated herself she isn't a competitive person. She doesn't set goals for herself because she doesn't want to change her lifestyle. 

It's like Brock stated, if you had a gifted child who only put in a half-hearted effort and got a 70% average when he or she is capable of 90%, would you still give them outrageous praises???

My wife is one of those women (only child) that wants and expects to be told she is the best (at work, at home, her looks etc.). If not, than that person is wrong.

Like I said, I see women in their 40's and 50's that are in better shape than she is.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Your post still doesn't answer some questions, OP - when are you spending time with your wife away from the kids?



> When I got married, I specifiically told my wife 2 pet peeves I have with women. I don't like women who dress inappropriately for their body type and I don't like flabby arms and large stomachs.


I'm just curious then why wasn't this a big part of your selection process someone who -then- was a big workout person? 



> It's like Brock stated, if you had a gifted child who only put in a half-hearted effort and got a 70% average when he or she is capable of 90%, would you still give them outrageous praises???


What are you basing that on though? It doesn't seem like your wife has ever been a gym-rat hard body. So you are basing what her success could be or should be on your own other women you see. How are you determining what she is capable of? All those hot 40 and 50 year old women you see around you. (Which where do you live, btw, because I rarely see that around me.)

I mean honestly, this whole thing seems way deeper that just a problem with her appearance - you feel she's a spoiled only child, you feel she's vain and arrogant for wanting praise, you feel that's she lazy and doesn't set goals for herself, you sit around talking smack about her with your family. You freely admit that your marriage at this point is hinging on the fact that you like the big house you've gotten with the help of her income and your "kids are #1" - how is her losing 20 lbs going to fix all of that?

How is 20 lbs going to fix the fact that all in all, you seem to basically like nothing at all about who she is?


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

IMHO your real problem isn't telling your wife she is a yummie mommy, it's you covet your wife's hot friends & the hot chicks at the gym.

This won't end well.

You say your wife is a good wife & a good Mother. You made the choice to have 2 children with her. Your children are very young. You won't be a hot 40 yr. old forever. I think you need to be grateful for the gifts you have in your life right now & make the choice to love & cherish your wife just as she is.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Do I have to lie and tell her that she is a "Yummy Mommy" just to appease her even though it isn't true?


No,you don't have to lie.You don't have to be an ass about it but if you personally feel she isn't yummy then she needs to know where you stand.If I were the husband here I would tell her it's a f**king stupid term and she needs to be her own woman. She can start by cutting it out with trying to be a "yummy mommy" wearing tight clothes and teeny bikinis that arent right for her figure OR work hard to achieve the body that is appropriate for those clothes if that's what will make her happy.She knows she's not a "yummy mommy" or she wouldn't need to ask you to inflate her self esteem for her.

If she sincerely wants to change then she will.It has nothing to do with what you do and what you say.She's the only one in control of her weight assuming she has no health issues.There are obviously things we can do to build a person up or cut them down which may affect energy level and willpower.But if you're encouraging her and otherwise being a decent man toward her,she needs to step up and figure out what body will make her happy.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I also think your wife's figure is making you resent her and you're making bad choices because of that resentment.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Thanks for some show of support people.
> If a man had a wife who dieted, worked out, jogged, etc. and she told her couch potato type husband to start shaping up, most women would be supporting her 100%.


I totally agree with this but on both sides I think you have to look at might work for you doesn't work for her (motivation wise). Perhaps a "what not to wear" kind of setup with a shopping assistant or something like that, where they would look at her wardrobe and tell her what really doesn't work on her body. That might encourage her to try to change the body so that she can wear the clothes she prefers.

Also I agree with another poster who suggested to take photos - take pictures of her in those short shorts, not an intentionally unflattering one but this would definitely work for me to see how I really look.

My xh used to try to motivate me in a 'coach' type way, "go go go!" kind of thing and I just hated it, made me withdraw. I needed to figure out my own way & then just asked him for help & encouragement (not shaming when I fell off the wagon).


----------



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Wiserforit said:


> It's being unreasonable that is decidedly unattractive with you.


Here is where you betray your projections. I'm not contributing to this forum to be attractive to you or to anyone. It's YOU that is judging women by their attractiveness, and then turning around and accusing the women that you're judging of vying for approval. 

The only thing unattractive about me is the big bump on my head from banging it against this brick wall.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

OP at the end of the day the choice is yours for what you choose to live with. You can lead the horse to water, you can beat it within an inch of it's life but you can't make the fcuker drink. Make a stand and stick by it. Get the junk food out of the house, it's no good for your wife or your kids. Who does the cooking? Maybe you should assume the role of cook. 

If you dislike your wife's wardrobe take her shopping and pick out stuff you like. My wife is the frugal type, she will skimp on clothes unless I take her shopping and press on her to spend more money on herself. Maybe yours is similar? I was brought up to value having a neat appearance. We didn't have a lot of money but my mom made sure we had good clothes. Sometimes it meant some planning, going to sales when seasons changed, etc, but it can be done on a budget. It's not fair but before a person knows you, the only way they can evaluate you is on appearances. The nicest person in the world could walk past you, but if they have rolls of fat spilling out of an unironed shirt, you will judge them by that. 

Also, by no means encourage this "everyone gets a trophy" mindset that pervades the entire Anglosphere today. That doesn't mean you need be cruel, just be honest (in a kind and loving way).

Good luck!


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Thank you for Theseus who posted the following link:

Welcome - What Real Women Look Like

I am not hung up on weight of my wife. If she look like these women here (who are from the site by the way), I wouldn't have an issue whatsoever.

Welcome - What Real Women Look Like

and

Welcome - What Real Women Look Like

This is more realistic of my wife's body:

Welcome - What Real Women Look Like

Before we got married, my wife preached about how excited she is to start working out and exercising. 

Also, I have taken my wife to the gym. She refuses to do the exercises I do, bicep curls, leg press, shoulder press etc. As her quote says, "I do what works for me"

Does anyone know how hard it is to get a babysitter during the week on school nights? Kids need to study as well. Personal trainers are available if she needs the help. I can't hold her hand for everything.

Sometimes a person has to step up to the other's expectations, not the other way around and the person selling expections lower just to appease the other party.


----------



## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

OP, here is what I see in a nutshell

1. you say your wife was at 125lb when you got married, but just so she would look good for the wedding.

Was she skinny when you were dating? How long before she started gaining weight? Did she loose weight to fit into a dress? Does she have a history of being overweight?

I asked those questions to see what you knew about her before.

2. Wearing shorts and a tank do not look good on fat people. Yes, I agree. In my day you didn't see fat people dressing this way and you didn't see pregnant women dressing in skin tight cloths either. But for what ever reason things are different now. Might be hard to get your wife to see that she shouldn't when everyone else is.

3. 150lb for someone 5'2" is fat. No one is disputing that it is OK to want to be visually attracted to your spouse and that many people find fat unattractive.

4. You appear to have little to no tender feelings towards your wife. It is not that people on this site don't think you should not want her to be better fit. It is the way you talk about her, the words you choose and your opinion she is so unworthy that raise red flags.

Do you love her or do you only love her when she is skinny? You seem to have stated that you don't want a divorcee because of the kids and income, but you really don't have anything nice to say about your wife and when you do talk about her it is with distaste. That is what is so controversial about your posts.

5. Your wife is an only child that was doted on and is self indulgent and therefor will not look at herself without the "rose colored glasses" and you have no intention of indulging her.

Again, do you see any good in her at all?

6. You want your wife to loose weight (so you can be attracted to her again). If you truly love her you will need to discuss this with her in a LOVING way. If she is bringing in poor eating habits and teaching these to your children, you can discuss this too. Maybe you need to help her put together a menu, go shopping together and you cook some of the dinners. Then you can pack up the kids together, put them in strollers and walk or ride bikes as a family. YOU are going to have to make this a family lifestyle, YOU are the one that will have to be the driving force.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Thank you for Theseus who posted the following link:
> 
> Welcome - What Real Women Look Like
> 
> ...


Does your wife like dancing? My wife loves Zumba. I laughed at her once and said "is that really doing anything". I did it with her and the next day I couldn't walk lol. She wears one of those activity trackers and it's really amazing how many calories one can burn doing an hour of this. She's gone up to 700 calories.


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Blonde said:


> Au contraire OTR, I think those of us who feel confident and great about how we look after bearing multiple children are chiming in for the sistahood
> 
> 5'8" 160lb (Please no quoting as I will be deleting the photo )


You look great, but you are also reinforcing the point that the OP's wife is a little large. Unfortunately, +6" ≠ +10 lbs. Add some tacky clothing, and... No thanks. 

Communication is a foundation of a successful marriage. This is clearly an issue for the OP, and yet most people are telling him not to let his wife know. Repressed feelings lead to resentment, which leads to divorce. 

Nobody gets to tell anyone else what their dealkillers are. OP is in good shape and fitness is important to him.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Thank you for Theseus who posted the following link:
> 
> Welcome - What Real Women Look Like
> 
> ...


I *love* those websites with 'real women'. It is truly amazing how different people carry the same weight.

And to brocklander I think who posted "5'2 and 120 is by no means skinny" put that in the search filter for that website. Almost across the board women with those stats look thin.

We are way too fixated on the OP wife's stats anyways - its more that he wants her to appear to work as hard as he does.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



JustHer said:


> I asked those questions to see what you knew about her before.
> 
> *2. Wearing shorts and a tank do not look good on fat people. Yes, I agree. In my day you didn't see fat people dressing this way and you didn't see pregnant women dressing in skin tight cloths either. But for what ever reason things are different now*. Might be hard to get your wife to see that she shouldn't when everyone else is.


It's because of the "everyone gets a trophy" mindset. As women keep getting fatter and fatter, men are told that it looks good, and if we don't agree, then we are shamed as shallow pigs.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



greenfern said:


> I *love* those websites with 'real women'. It is truly amazing how different people carry the same weight.
> 
> And to brocklander I think who posted "5'2 and 120 is by no means skinny" put that in the search filter for that website. Almost across the board women with those stats look thin.
> 
> We are way too fixated on the OP wife's stats anyways - its more that he wants her to appear to work as hard as he does.


Welcome - What Real Women Look Like

There's 5'2 @ 120lbs. None of those women look "skinny". Some look thin, a few even look a bit flabby. Mostly they look pretty proportionate.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Sorry. First page.

Welcome - What Real Women Look Like

Maybe I'm a victim of all this american fatty culture. I thought they all looked pretty thin I guess "skinny" would be an exaggeration. This is a depressing thread. Never been on one of the threads where women post about their men being heavy & it turns into a war about what is 'fat' or 'skinny' in a man.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



northernlights said:


> The only thing unattractive about me is the big bump on my head from banging it against this brick wall.


:smthumbup:

Best Line EVER!!!!


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I wish I could look like all of these 150 lb women where 30lbs is chest. 



> Sometimes a person has to step up to the other's expectations, not the other way around and the person selling expections lower just to appease the other party.


So - do you step up to her expectations in other areas?


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

It's not the weight issue it's what you reveal about yourself in the way you speak about your wife. You don't appear to be a pleasant person. You are probably not the kind of man who would be able to sustain a relationship with an attractive woman with options to have someone better.

Hypercritical, arrogant, full of yourself, sense of entitlement, and insensitivity are not traits that attractive. You may not see it but, you are fortunate to have found your wife and blessed to have a child. Why she would court the love of a man who despises her is beyond me to understand. 

We can't control what we find sexually attractive. That part of who we are. Some men are unrealistic in their expectations of what they can attract and they over estimate their attractiveness. Some men see signs of female attraction where there are none further pumping up their sense of who they are entitled to. 

You can control these tendencies. You can also control your what you are and how you behave. Your wife has to work on her weight for herself not you. Read about how to do it with sensitivity and the right kind of support. Work on looking at yourself realistically, your faults and personality. 

If you wife needs to lose weight, you need to work on developing the ability to love, a sense of humility, loyalty, empathy and communication. You have more work to do than she does and from the sounds of it you have further to go to reach a level that is acceptable for an adult male.

How would it be if your wife turned the tables on you? Lets say she lost weight and toned up and you find her sexually attractive. What would happen if she required that you work on improving your character because she did not find you attitude attractive? 

Honestly, after reading the way you speak about your wife, I don't see why she would lose weight at this point. Not many men would speak with such contempt for the woman they married and the mother of their child. What would be an incentive for her be more sexually attractive to you? 

I feel a great deal of sympathy for her. She drew a bad hand. Hopefully that will change as she matures and is able to see what she has and does not have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



greenfern said:


> Sorry. First page.
> 
> Welcome - What Real Women Look Like
> 
> Maybe I'm a victim of all this american fatty culture. I thought they all looked pretty thin I guess "skinny" would be an exaggeration. This is a depressing thread. Never been on one of the threads where women post about their men being heavy & it turns into a war about what is 'fat' or 'skinny' in a man.


Muscle is heavier than fat. That chick is ripped.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> This kind of rationalizing is why North Americans are so fat. Do a few extra pounds look good on some women? Of course. That however is the exception. It usually looks varying degrees of bad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whatever. TAM is full of 50 year old men with 6 pack abs and a full head of hair. I guess they could all be from Europe but they don't come off as girly to me so I doubt it.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> I am not hung up on weight of my wife. If she look like these women here (who are from the site by the way), I wouldn't have an issue whatsoever.
> 
> Welcome - What Real Women Look Like
> 
> ...


The first picture of the 5"2 woman is professionally posed and photographed. The woman in the second pic is wearing spanxs, like a girdle that goes from under the breast done to her knees.

The final pic, is a typical woman who is not well posed, with terrible lighting, and note the lack of controlling/concealing undergarments.

Maybe you should have your wife get boudoir pics taken? Then you can start seeing your wife in a better light?


----------



## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

What is happening here is the silent killer...resentment. She's resentful that he doesn't love her in full, the whole package including the weight, as she is. He won't compliment her and puts her as a lower priority and she knows this. Thus, she is unwilling to do what would please him.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I don't know if its even "love her in full" but loves her at all. There isn't really a single thing the OP has said that really comes across as loving her. Their relationship is functional - there are kids and she helps pay for the fancy house he likes. 

But overall, he doesn't seem to like a single thing about her. 

I have a hard time believing that's not totally obvious to her. Maybe she self-soothes with food, I mean, if I knew my husband was getting together with his family to laugh about my thighs, I would too.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Starstarfish said:


> Maybe she self-soothes with food, I mean, if I knew my husband was getting together with his family to laugh about my thighs, I would too.



Really? If I knew my husband was that dissatisfied with my appearance, it would just motivate me to try harder to change it.

Here's how I see this whole thread. Did OP come across as kind of a jerk? He sure did. Did it change whether or not he should LIE to his wife? Absolutely not! 

It seems OP is being severely bashed because as one person put it in some way or another, he's not honoring his vows of loving her in her entirety. Well, flip that around for a minute. Wouldn't that also mean that she is not honoring her vows by not doing whatever necessary to keep her husband happy and excited by her?

This is just one of those arguments that will never be satisfied because everyone has, and is entitled to, their own opinion. I may not agree with everything OP has said, but the basis of this thread was lying. And he's absolutely right that he should not lie to her. Advice to him about finding other things to compliment her on is great! Berating him because you think he's chauvinistic isn't helpful at all!


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



northernlights said:


> Here is where you betray your projections. I'm not contributing to this forum to be attractive to you or to anyone. It's YOU that is judging women by their attractiveness, and then turning around and accusing the women that you're judging of vying for approval.


You are confusing me with *Brock Landers*.  

What I see is bitter sniping over the universal appeal of attractive women (for both men and women). Everyone enjoys the beauty of the human form, celebrated since antiquity in sculpture, painting, and now mass media.

Figuratively, you are in the art gallery where everyone is admiring the Venus de Milo, with you sniping from the back, trying to shame people for it. 



> The only thing unattractive about me is the big bump on my head from banging it against this brick wall.


Absolutely, it is a vain and foolish thing to let your personal insecurities lash out at the universal human appreciation for beauty. 

We have a man who is in shape that logically prefers the same in a wife, not an obese man wishing his wife was a swimsuit model. 

Someone with deep insecurities is going to turn that into a hate-fest over women that are more beautiful than they are.


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Thank you for the comments but I can see there are some women here that absolutely hate men.

I am not a bully. I tell my wife on a regular basis how wonderful of a mother she is, how great of a house she keeps and how lucky I am to have her.

I am grateful for what I have in life. I am not arrogant but compliments are earned, not given out.

Example: If you aren't a good worker at the workplace, don't expect to be told that you are.

When my wife did work out for a couple of weeks, she expected me to lavish her with praise like she completed a marathon. I told her, "good for you, keep it up" That wasn't good enough for her.

I don't think it was that bad of a comment.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Thank you for the comments but I can see there are some women here that absolutely hate men.
> 
> I am not a bully. I tell my wife on a regular basis how wonderful of a mother she is, how great of a house she keeps and how lucky I am to have her.
> 
> ...


Part of it is the medium (web) by which you're delivering information. Of course you're not going to list all the positive things about your wife, you know them already. Also people generally don't write as they speak, so subtle communications you pick up on like tone don't translate the same way.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



> When my wife did work out for a couple of weeks, she expected me to lavish her with praise like she completed a marathon. I told her, "good for you, keep it up" That wasn't good enough for her.
> 
> I don't think it was that bad of a comment.


Why is it so hard for you to offer the encouragement she was clearly needing?

Working out is really hard for some people. Encouragement helps keep up the momentum when results are slow to be seen.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



that_girl said:


> LOL whatever dude.
> 
> Plenty of people like my body  Not worrying if you do or don't  But I get it. I don't like buff guys. Or men with small penises. Good day.


Haven't said a thing about your body. I have addressed your inability to carry on a coherent discussion.

People who are secure in their physical appearance don't attack others as you have, saying that they are mindless idiots who only like attractive women because the media tells them to.

Translation: if you weren't so stupid, you would think I'm beautiful.

If you were reasonable, you would acknowledge that media reflects culture rather than culture being whatever media says it should be. The hit-and-run insulting just shows who you really are.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> Really? If I knew my husband was that dissatisfied with my appearance, it would just motivate me to try harder to change it.
> 
> Here's how I see this whole thread. Did OP come across as kind of a jerk? He sure did. Did it change whether or not he should LIE to his wife? Absolutely not!
> 
> ...


It's very doubtful that the weight issue is anything more than the easiest issue he can target with his wife. She wasn't a gym rat before marriage and she's not one now. Only problem is now in his mind he's tied down to one woman, two kids, the stresses of supporting them and she has the never to be fat! More of a symptom of a relationship having issues. She has gained some astronomical amount of weight for a woman who has had two children. The reason he's handling the weight issue poorly is a reflection of where the relationship is as a whole. To your point about "lying". Let's be real. This "yummy mommy" question is another form of do I look fat in this dress. It's not some soul draining sin to say you're my yummy mommy in response to that question. Also weight loss starts in the kitchen so how about the family as a whole engage in a healthier diet together. He and his wife can start cooking healthy meals together as another way to connect. You see you have to be in a good place to say "Babe, WE can do better with our nutrition. Let's work on it." When you're resentful you toss a few dvds at the lazy cow of a wife.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

Marriedand40 said:


> Thank you for the comments but I can see there are some women here that absolutely hate men.
> 
> I am not a bully. I tell my wife on a regular basis how wonderful of a mother she is, how great of a house she keeps and how lucky I am to have her.
> 
> ...


First I don't hate men! Second I am super vain about my appearance.

Now - This is your wife not an employee. However - I have employees and some need constant encouragement to help them reach potential. Others not so much. For myself at home I love any encouragement from my so when I work out or eat better even if its a small achievement.

Edited Sorry first time posting on mobile!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

greenfern said:


> First I don't hate men! Second I am super vain about my appearance.
> 
> Now - This is your wife not an employee. However - I have employees and some need constant encouragement to help them reach potential. Others not so much. For myself at home I love any encouragement from my so when I work out or eat better even if its a small achievement.
> 
> ...


Also my so tells me I am the hottest woman in the world...and obviously this isn't true but it makes me feel like I'm the hottest woman in the world to him and that, by the way, makes me want to work out and b even hotter!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Thank you for the comments but I can see there are some women here that absolutely hate men.
> 
> I am not a bully. I tell my wife on a regular basis how wonderful of a mother she is, how great of a house she keeps and how lucky I am to have her.
> 
> ...


Not a man hater.


Now that I got it off my chest, while you seem very abrupt in the way you talk to her I don't feel you are her issue. To explain,I think she has serious validation issues and an extremely low self esteem.
You can't fix this for her.
It doesn't matter how much praise and encouragement you give her it won't fix it.Consider her as a black hole that swallows ALL the validation and praise you provide but never gets full.

She should be in therapy if the things you're saying are totally accurate and not presented in a way that could be considered biased toward making you look better.

Women who feel good about themselves and have their own sense of confidence don't NEED the profuse amount of praise just bc they worked out a bit.They don't NEED to be told they're a yummy mommy.They don't NEED to keep up with their girlfriends looks wise or any other ways.It's nice to hear nice things but for a woman who knows her worth it isn't really a need as much as a want.

Your wife needs to work on herself inside and outside.


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> and the only reason I bought the DVD's is because I offered to cancel the gym membership she has to save money because in the last year, she hasn't gone once. She said I like the DVD's instead so that way I can do them at home at my leisure.So $120 later, they aren't being watched.
> 
> Also, she is a health care professional so she has the attitude that, "I took nutrition courses, nobody tells me what to do, etc."
> 
> I never say cross words to my wife. She always responds, it's what you don't say that bothers me too.


I have read through Marriedand40's posts again and again. I just don't understand all the hate. The wife was excited about working out - but she doesn't. She knows about nutrition - but doesn't follow up, she prefers sweets. She wanted the DVD's, he bought them - she doesn't use them. She likes to think she's the most attractive women in the room, and she expects/demands to be complimented and told she's a "yummy mommy". 

He has stated she's a wonderful mother, he said he loves her, he doesn't belittle her or call her chunky monkey. He just doesn't think he should lie to her, he has tried to support her when SHE indicated she wanted to get in better shape.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Kobo said:


> To your point about "lying". Let's be real. This "yummy mommy" question is another form of do I look fat in this dress. It's not some soul draining sin to say you're my yummy mommy in response to that question. Also weight loss starts in the kitchen so how about the family as a whole engage in a healthier diet together. He and his wife can start cooking healthy meals together as another way to connect. You see you have to be in a good place to say "Babe, WE can do better with our nutrition. Let's work on it." When you're resentful you toss a few dvds at the lazy cow of a wife.



Sorry, lying is lying in my book, and a sin. There is no such thing as a lesser lie. If a woman asks if she looks fat in a dress it's because she either a) wants an honest answer or b) knows she doesn't and is fishing for compliments. If OP's wife wants to be a "yummy mommy" she needs to put in the work and stop expecting her H to condone and appease her laziness. 
She ASKED for the gym membership and the dvds so she has already shown that she is aware of her weight issues and that it is not attractive. She just wants someone to sooth her and say it's okay as she shoves another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth because it's easier and tastes better than changing her habits. I don't think his resentment stems from the weight, I think it stems from her knowledge of the problem and her lack of motivation to fix it while still expecting him to pet her ego.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Aunt Ava said:


> I have read through Marriedand40's posts again and again. I just don't understand all the hate. The wife was excited about working out - but she doesn't. She knows about nutrition - but doesn't follow up, she prefers sweets. She wanted the DVD's, he bought them - she doesn't use them. She likes to think she's the most attractive women in the room, and she expects/demands to be complimented and told she's a "yummy mommy".
> 
> He has stated she's a wonderful mother, he said he loves her, he doesn't belittle her or call her chunky monkey. He just doesn't think he should lie to her, he has tried to support her when SHE indicated she wanted to get in better shape.



Thank you Aunt Ava!! I was starting to feel like the only woman on here who was actually reading it this way!


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> Sorry, lying is lying in my book, and a sin. There is no such thing as a lesser lie. If a woman asks if she looks fat in a dress it's because she either a) wants an honest answer or b) knows she doesn't and is fishing for compliments. If OP's wife wants to be a "yummy mommy" she needs to put in the work and stop expecting her H to condone and appease her laziness.
> She ASKED for the gym membership and the dvds so she has already shown that she is aware of her weight issues and that it is not attractive. She just wants someone to sooth her and say it's okay as she shoves another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth because it's easier and tastes better than changing her habits. I don't think his resentment stems from the weight, I think it stems from her knowledge of the problem and her lack of motivation to fix it while still expecting him to pet her ego.



You don't think she asked for the dvds and gym membership (According to revision) to appease her husband? Seriously, look at your commentary towards the woman you don't know. Were you teased as being fat as a child? Being lazy and a good mother (If we believe the OP for one thing then we believe it all) don't go hand in had. Then more commentary about shoving food in her mouth. Really? A 30 lb gain after two children who are still needy is deserving of that vitrol? OK


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

MyHappyPlace said:


> Thank you Aunt Ava!! I was starting to feel like the only woman on here who was actually reading it this way!


I could be wrong but I don't think the op has talked about her eating habits other than a snarky comment his mom or sister said about her eating sweets. Op - do you think it's a diet issue or exercise?

The other thing is, the OP said his wife does like walking for exercise. She has never been a gym rat and I kind of assume she maybe told op she preferred DVDs to get him off her back. He said that when they went to the gym together she dint want to do his exercises. i wouldnt want to go either! This is of course a bit of projection, I could imagine myself behaving just like the op describes his wife but with very different underlying feelings than you and Ava describe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

First of all, no I don't think she asked for a gym membership or DVDs to appease her husband. If she had wanted to appease her husband, she would have used them.

Nope, I wasn't a fat child. I did put on weight as an adult and when I realized it, I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT! 

Nobody ever said she was lazy in general. She IS lazy about her appearance, and that has nothing to do with being a good mother. I know plenty of GREAT mothers who are overweight and lazy about their appearance. Doesn't make them any less of a mother because they don't care to put in the effort to shed lbs. 

That last line made me lol. Are you seriously saying that it's okay to have unhealthy nutrition because you have kids? ALL kids are needy, no matter what their age. That's part of what makes them kids! I still need my parents but they don't say "oh gee, MHP needs us, let's go get some ice cream!" My children are 14, 12, 8, and 5. I have twice as many, does that mean I can gain 60 lbs and still expect my husband to tell me how hot I am?? Heck no! 

Plus, she's teaching her children unhealthy habits...


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

This thread is starting to officially remind me of high school, honestly.

Also, I love the same as always that anytime a woman expresses a strong and different opinion, she's a manhater.


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

From the book "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. Chapter 8: the Truth About the way you Look. "He doesn't need you to be a size 3, but he does need you to make the effort to take care of yourself for him- and he'll willingly help you." It's not about being perfect, it's about knowing you care enough about his needs to make the effort. 

I found these books to be very interesting reading, the accompanying book is "For Men Only" by Jeff Feldhahn. 

I'm 51, 5'6" and 128. I have survived menopause and have made the effort to keep myself in decent shape. My husband rarely compliments me,  but it's just not his thing.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Starstarfish said:


> This thread is starting to officially remind me of high school, honestly.
> 
> Also, I love the same as always that anytime a woman expresses a strong and different opinion, she's a manhater.



I think the "man hating" accusation comes from you accusing the OP of insulting his wife and going to the gym to ogle/flirt with women, even though his posts didn't say anything of the sort.

I don't know if you are a man hater, but you shouldn't add things to a person's story that aren't there.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

The OP seems to think more than just one female poster hates men (he said "some"). 

And while he didn't specify that he appreciates women at the gym ogling him, he did say he receives regular compliments from women in their 20s & 30s and enjoys that attention. I don't think starfish was adding much to his story.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



greenfern said:


> The OP seems to think more than just one female poster hates men (he said "some").
> 
> And while he didn't specify that he appreciates women at the gym ogling him, he did say he receives regular compliments from women in their 20s & 30s and enjoys that attention. I don't think starfish was adding much to his story.


If you read the thread there are several posters who have peppered their posts with exaggerations, baseless speculation and complete mistruths. If not misandry what would you think the OP would think was the source of all this?


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> When my wife did work out for a couple of weeks, she expected me to lavish her with praise like she completed a marathon. I told her, "good for you, keep it up" That wasn't good enough for her.
> 
> I don't think it was that bad of a comment.


Its not a bad comment at all...but if she is working out for a couple weeks and you give her a ton of praise (even though you don't think she deserves it) why not! What does it hurt you to be a little over the top IF it helps her continue working out. Its like you won't help unless she is doing things exactly your way. You never respond to any of the posters suggesting you try walking with her more, or trying to do things SHE likes to do to work out.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Hmm, I wonder what will happen when OP's wife has an affair with someone that tells her she's beautiful? Of course he'll flip out, claim he had no idea she was unhappy, and the TAM gallery will tell him to cut off her money, divorce her, and keep the kids (but only after he DNA tests them). OP, would it kill you to tell your wife she's the beautiful mother of your children but you wish she'd take a little better care of herself? Then every night when you come home ask her if she'd like to the gym while you stay with the kids. Of course in your world all women that think you're being harsh must hate men, as you said yourself, but fwiw I agree that she should make more effort and should not be wearing clothes that don't flatter her. There has to be a compromise though where you can truthfully tell her she's beautiful and still tell her you'd like to see her make more effort. When I was teaching we were told that you always complemented a student before you critized something because it would be received better, and if you could make the complement somewhat related to the area of criticism that would be even better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

From "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. W. Harley. Chapter 8: He needs a Good-Looking Wife - Physical Attractiveness. In the case discussed the women dieted and exercised losing 60 lbs in order to get second dates. She met Josh, they fell in love & married. 5 years later she's gained 100 lbs. 

Dr. Harley told her she failed to uphold her end of the bargain - marriage commitment means meeting the basic needs of your spouse. She needed Josh to meet her needs...earn a good living, be affectionate and talk with her often. She isn't holding up her end of the bargain. Her physical attractiveness is very important to he husband. This isn't some quirk or whim. It's something he needs very badly. 

Marriedand40, I suggest you get the book. Maybe it will click for your wife if you both read it.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I think the OP approached the issue in typical male fashion and I see nothing wrong in that. His wife needs to take responsibility for her own issues. No fishing for compliments. No babying.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Starstarfish said:


> This thread is starting to officially remind me of high school, honestly.
> 
> Also, I love the same as always that anytime a woman expresses a strong and different opinion, she's a manhater.


Wonderful irony from the person saying malicious things that are clearly untrue like this:



> There isn't really a single thing the OP has said that really comes across as loving her


When you re-write the OP as a number of you have, into this weird caricature, it is manipulative emotional attacking, not honest discussion. He can say he loves her and list the reasons, but if there is the slightest criticism of her weight then all of this wrath and dishonest framing spews out.

Then you attack other posters correcting your misrepresentations as immature. Standard manipulative fare is to pretend dishonesty is merely your "opinion". 

It is clear that you hate THIS man, which is a straightforward rendering of the english "manhater" in addition to an alternative meaning about hating all of mankind. Not clear to me which it was, but the hate is clear nevertheless.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Openminded said:


> I think the OP approached the issue in typical male fashion and I see nothing wrong in that. His wife needs to take responsibility for her own issues. No fishing for compliments. No babying.


Maybe that love languages thing would be good for the OP & wife. I haven't actually read it yet but isn't there something there about your primary love language - maybe hers is "words of affirmation". My SO needs a LOT of compliments & a lot of "lovey" words. I'm not used to that and it doesn't come naturally to me but I'm getting better and he responds really well. Its about understanding that his needs are not my needs. I (like the OP I think!) prefer "acts of service".


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I have a feeling the thread will be locked soon! Also there were some men who had some of the same views/ opinions 
as sone women did on the issue, so I doubt it's about women being man haters. It was stated he didn't want to get a sitter to
watch the kids so there fore his wife couldn't go to the gym with him. Well I think if he really wanted her to go he would work it out
some how so that she could go. A neighbor, friend, family member maybe could watch them. Where I go to the gym they provide
child care so parents can work out. A lot if gyms have this option, even in the evenings. So her not being able to go could probably 
be worked out. But that's probably HIS workout time along with socialization/ compliment time from the ladies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I think the OP said he couldn't really get a sitter at 9pm and besides his wife doesn't really want to go to the gym.

I don't blame her - I hate the gym! I think its better and more of a lifestyle change to focus on the diet (I still haven't heard much about what/how she eats, do they eat as a family, who cooks) and the kind of exercise she likes (so far have only heard she likes to walk).


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



CallaLily said:


> I have a feeling the thread will be locked soon! Also there were some men who had some of the same views/ opinions
> as sone women did on the issue, so I doubt it's about women being man haters. It was stated he didn't want to get a sitter to
> watch the kids so there fore his wife couldn't go to the gym with him. Well I think if he really wanted her to go he would work it out
> some how so that she could go. A neighbor, friend, family member maybe could watch them. Where I go to the gym they provide
> ...


While it's nice to have someone help you, why must he organize his wife's exercise routine? She is not a child.


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

All he can do is tell her how he feels, try to be encouraging, etc. she either decides to
lose weight or not. If not, then he will either accept it or he will move on to a fit person
as he is, and she will move on to someone who accepts her as is. I doubt it will last to much
longer because at some point either he will get tired of not having a more fit wife or she wil
grow tired of him trying to change her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> First of all, no I don't think she asked for a gym membership or DVDs to appease her husband. If she had wanted to appease her husband, she would have used them.
> 
> Nope, I wasn't a fat child. I did put on weight as an adult and when I realized it, I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
> 
> ...



You really think having children of 5 and 2 is the same as having teenagers around to help? Just stop. The OP has already admitted his wife exercises just not in the manner he thinks she should. The lady isn't lazy. You can doubt that she asked for the gym and DVDs to appease her husband but the information in the thread given by her husband points to that being likely. She is 2 years removed from childbirth, you are 5 with built in help. Think before you post comparisons.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Jamison said:


> All he can do is tell her how he feels, try to be encouraging, etc. she either decides to
> lose weight or not. If not, then he will either accept it or he will move on to a fit person
> as he is, and she will move on to someone who accepts her as is. I doubt it will last to much
> longer because at some point either he will get tired of not having a more fit wife or she wil
> ...


He's already tired of her. The weight issue is a smokescreen.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> While it's nice to have someone help you, why must he organize his wife's exercise routine? She is not a child.


It seems like the OP is the one that wants to control his wife's exercise routing (ie squats in the gym rather than whatever she wanted to do).


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Kobo said:


> He's already tired of her. The weight issue is a smokescreen.


I agree!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Kobo said:


> You really think having children of 5 and 2 is the same as having teenagers around to help? Just stop. The OP has already admitted his wife exercises just not in the manner he thinks she should. The lady isn't lazy. You can doubt that she asked for the gym and DVDs to appease her husband but the information in the thread given by her husband points to that being likely. She is 2 years removed from childbirth, you are 5 with built in help. Think before you post comparisons.


Uh no. See, 2 years removed from my second childbirth I had a 4 year old and 2 year old. 2 years after the next I had an 8 year old, a 6 year old, and a 2 year old. Yet, I managed to find the time to take care of myself. Shocking thought, I know, but my children didn't come out at their present ages. I can compare because I'VE BEEN THERE!
And what "built in help" do you speak of? You think I make my older children care for their siblings. Absolutely NOT! I parent my children, I do not delegate my responsibilities to them.


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> When I got married, I specifiically told my wife 2 pet peeves I have with women. I don't like women who dress inappropriately for their body type and I don't like flabby arms and large stomachs.
> 
> My wife was the one who wanted a gym membership, I had one on my own, then it changed to DVD's she saw on Infomercials.
> 
> ...





Marriedand40 said:


> I am not hung up on weight of my wife. If she look like these women here (who are from the site by the way), I wouldn't have an issue whatsoever.
> 
> Before we got married, my wife preached about how excited she is to start working out and exercising.
> 
> Also, I have taken my wife to the gym. She refuses to do the exercises I do, bicep curls, leg press, shoulder press etc. As her quote says, "I do what works for me".





Marriedand40 said:


> I still love my wife, no question but I would be more attracted to her if she wasn't so out of shape.
> 
> Before we got married, she was around 125 lbs but it seems like that was to just look good on the wedding day.





Kobo said:


> He's already tired of her. The weight issue is a smokescreen.


I don't know how you jumped to this conclusion from anything he has posted. Perhaps the situation is more like now that she's got the ring she no longer worries about being attractive to him. My neighbor just had her second baby a few weeks ago, she also has a two year old. Everyday I see her walking/jogging pushing a double stroller up and down our three mile road. She's making the effort.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



greenfern said:


> It seems like the OP is the one that wants to control his wife's exercise routing (ie squats in the gym rather than whatever she wanted to do).


Weird, I never got the feeling he was trying to control his wife's routine. Yeah, he mentioned that she didn't want to do the same exercises at the gym as him. He didn't stop taking her because of it. But SHE didn't come up with a routine that she would be willing to do! She walks, but it's not getting the job done and she likely knows this but puts in the minimum effort to say "But I'm doing SOMETHING, I'm TRYING."

In the same thread he's being told "Don't dictate her routine, let her do whatever she wants. She's not a child." 
AND
"Gee OP, why don't you take over family meals and going on family walks. Stroke her ego, it's just a little white lie to boost her esteem."

Do you see the problem here? It's a lose-lose here. No matter what he does at this point, it's going to be "wrong" per somebody else.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

If it would get me laid, I'd call my wife, "Martha Washington".


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



unbelievable said:


> If it would get me laid, I'd call my wife, "Martha Washington".


LOL

Are you implying that guys lie to get sex????


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> LOL
> 
> Are you implying that guys lie to get sex????


:rofl::rofl: I'd jump my husband if he would get out of bed long enough to say "hi" to me. :rofl::rofl:


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Maybe we should demand that wives lie to their husbands and tell them they're showing up to work on time despite being late every day.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



> Maybe we should demand that wives lie to their husbands and tell them they're showing up to work on time despite being late every day.


How are those two things even remotely related? Really? Giving your wife a compliment because you've deemed she doesn't deserve it, is really the same as being late to work, really?



> He can say he loves her and list the reasons,


Saying you love someone and saying something loving are related, but different. And if you read my post, a lot of my criticism about the way he talks about her has nothing to do with the weight factor. It's the general way he views his wife. Now, if he doesn't say those things to her, awesome. But - given that he's prone to discussing his grievances about her to others, what's the chance that eventually she will realize the way he really feels? 

I think I'm going to step out here though.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Wiserforit said:


> Maybe we should demand that wives lie to their husbands and tell them they're showing up to work on time despite being late every day.


I think it would be more like if all your friend's husbands had better paying jobs so you thought that he should stop spending so much time with the kids and family and work for his promotion harder before you will tell him that you love who he is and what he has done to try. 
If he tells you that he is doing it at his own pace, you tell him it's not good enough and go out longing for the rich men who flirt with you every day. 

That is a more comparable situation IMO.

After thinking about it, I don't think it really matters if we all think he is being mean or if we want to give the guy high fives, how his wife feels about it is the real question. I wish I could hear her side of things


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Aunt Ava said:


> I don't know how you jumped to this conclusion from anything he has posted. Perhaps the situation is more like now that she's got the ring she no longer worries about being attractive to him. My neighbor just had her second baby a few weeks ago, she also has a two year old. Everyday I see her walking/jogging pushing a double stroller up and down our three mile road. She's making the effort.


I can do this "selective quote" thing too:



Marriedand40 said:


> She has a big stomach, and very flabby thighs.





Marriedand40 said:


> It's not as if I am expecting her to be Kate Upton but if she wants compliments that others get, you have to put the time in.





Marriedand40 said:


> I am not about to hire a babysitter during the week just so we can go for walks together.
> 
> Sorry, she can't have it both ways. If she can spend evenings making cookies, muffins, and banana bread, she can do a real workout too.





Marriedand40 said:


> Also, I have taken my wife to the gym. She refuses to do the exercises I do, bicep curls, leg press, shoulder press etc.
> 
> Personal trainers are available if she needs the help. I can't hold her hand for everything.


OP sounds very sensitive in the quotes you provided, not so much above.

But really what I keep trying to say and OP doesn't respond to, is that weight is a very hot button issue for a lot of women and calling them flabby and refusing to compliment them on their looks or progress until they get down to a certain weight is just not going to work. 

Do you want results or do you want to be right? (is that a dr phil quote? if so sorry!)


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



greenfern said:


> I can do this "selective quote" thing too:
> 
> OP sounds very sensitive in the quotes you provided, not so much above.
> 
> ...


I still don't see anything in these quotes that indicate he's tired of her and looking for an excuse to leave. I get he's frustrated. It's nice to get compliments, but I don't give them unless I mean them. If she has no interest in improving her appearance now, will giving her meaningless compliments spur her to do so?


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Gonna run this by you guys... I was considering requesting my wife address me as "Sir Mandingo". Thoughts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> Gonna run this by you guys... I was considering requesting my wife address me as "Sir Mandingo". Thoughts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes, it should be Sir Huge-A-Lot. Whether it's true or not, she needs to stroke your ego!


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

MyHappyPlace said:


> Yes, it should be Sir Huge-A-Lot. Whether it's true or not, she needs to stroke your ego!


Right? My fearsome phallus ranges from 6 to 8 inches depending upon whether measurements commence at the base of the shaft or the taint. However, I clearly deserve the benefit of the doubt thus the latter shall be employed as the basis of comparison. I have 4 kids, I deserve this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Thank you for the comments but I can see there are some women here that absolutely hate men.
> 
> I am not a bully. I tell my wife on a regular basis how wonderful of a mother she is, how great of a house she keeps and how lucky I am to have her.
> 
> ...


Man hater? The rallying cry of a wounded man. The call of the victim for help. Why not stand on your own. You don't like what you are hearing. Have you heard it before IRL?

There have been several good suggestion about changing your approach to a more sensitive and empathetic one that might be more successful. 

You have responded by defending your approach. Moreover, you bite back at the people trying to help you. 

I think you don't want help to deal with your lack of attraction you want support to justify your desire to walk away. You don't want to look like the bad guy for leaving a wife and child. Is that it? 

You have enough justification, you don't love your wife and therefore are not motivated to work on the marriage. What is stopping you. Money? It will only get worse. You will make more money in the future. 

Get out now, it will be less costly and you are at your height of physical attractiveness. With that and the increase in your income, are have a good chance to pull a hottie. 

My only caution is that you may have overestimated your physical attributes and money may not be enough to overcome your lack of empathy and selfishness. 

A very attractive woman meets lots of attractive men. Are you sure you will make the cut for the type of woman you want? This should not stop you from divorce but motivate you to be a better person.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Aunt Ava said:


> I don't know how you jumped to this conclusion from anything he has posted. Perhaps the situation is more like now that she's got the ring she no longer worries about being attractive to him. My neighbor just had her second baby a few weeks ago, she also has a two year old. Everyday I see her walking/jogging pushing a double stroller up and down our three mile road. She's making the effort.


Nice job picking and choosing. Glad someone has already called you on this so I don't have to waste the energy.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I think it would be more like if all your friend's husbands had better paying jobs so you thought that he should stop spending so much time with the kids and family and work for his promotion harder before you will tell him that you love who he is and what he has done to try.
> If he tells you that he is doing it at his own pace, you tell him it's not good enough and go out longing for the rich men who flirt with you every day.
> 
> That is a more comparable situation IMO.
> ...



There would be a lynch mob of men on here if someone posted those thoughts. I'd have my own pitchfork.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> Uh no. See, 2 years removed from my second childbirth I had a 4 year old and 2 year old. 2 years after the next I had an 8 year old, a 6 year old, and a 2 year old. Yet, I managed to find the time to take care of myself. Shocking thought, I know, but my children didn't come out at their present ages. I can compare because I'VE BEEN THERE!
> And what "built in help" do you speak of? You think I make my older children care for their siblings. Absolutely NOT! I parent my children, I do not delegate my responsibilities to them.


Oh, so your adult weight problem was prior to kids. Yeah. Uh huh


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Man hater? The rallying cry of a wounded man. The call of the victim for help. Why not stand on your own. You don't like what you are hearing. Have you heard it before IRL?
> 
> There have been several good suggestion about changing your approach to a more sensitive and empathetic one that might be more successful.
> 
> ...


This is pretty true. Are you writing checks you can't cash? It's gonna get pretty real if you walk and lots of women won't want your baggage (ex+kids). I'm with you but have your ducks in a row.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Kobo said:


> There would be a lynch mob of men on here if someone posted those thoughts. I'd have my own pitchfork.


Only woman haters


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Catherine602 said:


> Man hater? The rallying cry of a wounded man. The call of the victim for help. Why not stand on your own. You don't like what you are hearing. Have you heard it before IRL?
> 
> You have responded by defending your approach. Moreover, you bite back at the people trying to help you.


Because some of those people trying to "help" him have accused him of chasing other women, insulting his wife, and breaking his marriage vows when his posts don't mention any of that (and no, getting compliments from women is not the same thing as flirting with them). So he is perfectly justified at biting back at that nonsense.


It's fair game to give critical advice on this forum. It's *NOT* fair game to attack the OP for doing imaginary things that weren't even in his posts. I'm not sure I would call such people "man haters" but it is obvious that some people in this forum are projecting their own troubles with their husbands/ex-husbands on to the OP and that's not helpful. 



> There have been several good suggestion about changing your approach to a more sensitive and empathetic one that might be more successful.


And that is better advice.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Kobo said:


> Oh, so your adult weight problem was prior to kids. Yeah. Uh huh


No, and that is exactly my point. But instead of saying "oh, it's okay to be fat, I have kids, I DESERVE that cookie!" I looked in the mirror and said "woah, you've really let yourself go MHP. You should do something to fix that." And then I followed through.

and FTR, in my 6 years with my husband he has complimented (and I use the term loosely) me on my appearance a grand total of 3 times. Each under duress such as another person saying "Wow, you look really great MHP, doesn't she Mr. MHP?" and his response of "Uh, yeah, she looks fine." Awkward moments those were! If I were to insist he call me a "Yummy Mommy" he'd probably die on the spot!


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> No, and that is exactly my point. But instead of saying "oh, it's okay to be fat, I have kids, I DESERVE that cookie!" I looked in the mirror and said "woah, you've really let yourself go MHP. You should do something to fix that." And then I followed through.!


So then she is in the same position as you were. She still has a toddler under her arm and another kid that can't wipe their bottom correctly. Making the determination that she's lazy and stuff's her face is a bit premature.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Kobo said:


> So then she is in the same position as you were. She still has a toddler under her arm and another kid that can't wipe their bottom correctly. Making the determination that she's lazy and stuff's her face is a bit premature.



It's really tiresome at this point. Can you just stop?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> It's really tiresome at this point. Can you just stop?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Theseus said:


> Because some of those people trying to "help" him have accused him of chasing other women, insulting his wife, and breaking his marriage vows when his posts don't mention any of that (and no, getting compliments from women is not the same thing as flirting with them). So he is perfectly justified at biting back at that nonsense.
> 
> 
> It's fair game to give critical advice on this forum. It's *NOT* fair game to attack the OP for doing imaginary things that weren't even in his posts. I'm not sure I would call such people "man haters" but it is obvious that some people in this forum are projecting their own troubles with their husbands/ex-husbands on to the OP and that's not helpful.
> ...


One major point that you may have missed, he is insulting his wife. She does not deserve to be despised for getting fat. She should realize that not taking this seriously is jeopardizing her marriage. 

He may divorce her but to treat her badly is a reflection of his character. If he does that to her he will do it when the next woman no matter how attractive she is. 

He may eventual be as disgruntled and contemptuous as he is and have the same result. 

Divorce may not be so bad for both of them in the end. He may be happier married to someone else and so would she. A win-win.

About the man-hating card. It seems that men are hypersensitive to any hint of criticism from women. Yet they are quite liberal in the abject viciousness with intent to hurt directed at woman. 

Your last point - read the post again. I made a statement, not advice.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Kobo said:


> So then she is in the same position as you were. She still has a toddler under her arm and another kid that can't wipe their bottom correctly. Making the determination that she's lazy and stuff's her face is a bit premature.


:scratchhead: Again no. I never let myself get that overweight, and I didn't try to squeeze myself into clothes that that didn't fit properly. I also never insisted my husband call me ridiculous names to make me feel better about it.

Also, and I've pointed this out before, nobody ever called her lazy in general. I said she was lazy about her weight. And she is. Has a gym membership. Doesn't use it. Has DVDs. Doesn't use them. Has healthy food in the house, chooses to make cookies. And I never said she stuffed her face either. OP said she spent her time baking unhealthy treats. I generalized that into a spoonful of ice cream. Would you feel better if I had instead said "delicately placed another cookie upon her tongue?"


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> It's really tiresome at this point. Can you just stop?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sorry Brock. ::looks shameful:: I was bored and it was like taunting an impaled rattlesnake. I'll stop poking and then laughing hysterically when the venomous spittle falls short.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> :scratchhead: Again no. I never let myself get that overweight, and I didn't try to squeeze myself into clothes that that didn't fit properly. I also never insisted my husband call me ridiculous names to make me feel better about it.
> 
> Also, and I've pointed this out before, nobody ever called her lazy in general. I said she was lazy about her weight. And she is. Has a gym membership. Doesn't use it. Has DVDs. Doesn't use them. Has healthy food in the house, chooses to make cookies. And I never said she stuffed her face either. OP said she spent her time baking unhealthy treats. I generalized that into a spoonful of ice cream. Would you feel better if I had instead said "delicately placed another cookie upon her tongue?"



Oh. So it's about how much she's overweight. Got it. What's the line that delineates your weight issue (Well I guess now it wasn't really an issue right) and hers? I feel fine either way. You're the one with the issue. Which is why I could determine by your post that you had a weight problem.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

You don't ever make cookies or other treats with your kids?

I grew up with an overweight Mother, I watched her nearly kill herself - literally - to be thin over and over and over again. I would have rather her just been happy. It was horrible watching her go through times where she would eat at anorexic levels and hear people snicker at her out in public, it was horrible when she would buy us a birthday cake and get looks like "she shouldn't be stuffing her face with that crap, no wonder she's so big!" Nope, I promise fat shaming doesn't work for most people and even if it did- at what cost? A lot of that damage won't just go away with a work-out. 
Just please remember that there is a person there and not just a number on the scale.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Kobo said:


> Oh. So it's about how much she's overweight. Got it. What's the line that delineates your weight issue (Well I guess now it wasn't really an issue right) and hers? I feel fine either way. You're the one with the issue. Which is why I could determine by your post that you had a weight problem.



:rofl::rofl::rofl: Sorry, Brock, I know I promised, but...

It's not the amount of weight. It was letting herself go and not wanting to put the effort into fixing it, yet wanting the praise. My weight problem was definitely a problem. FOR ME! It doesn't matter how much weight it was, it was that as soon as I noticed it, I decided it was a problem and that I would do something to fix it. I find it incredibly funny that you could determine I had a problem with my extra unwanted 8 lbs by my post.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Catherine602 said:


> One major point that you may have missed, he is insulting his wife.



OK, please show me where the OP said anything to his wife that was insulting. I've read this entire thread and I haven't seen it.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

And no SGC, my kids and I don't make cookies. We make bran muffins, salads, and fruit/veggie concoctions together. Why does a fun time in the kitchen have to involve sweets? I find it more fun to slice watermelon and have the kids use cookie cutters to make shapes out of those and feel better about them eating them too!


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl: Sorry, Brock, I know I promised, but...
> 
> It's not the amount of weight. It was letting herself go and not wanting to put the effort into fixing it, yet wanting the praise. My weight problem was definitely a problem. FOR ME! It doesn't matter how much weight it was, it was that as soon as I noticed it, I decided it was a problem and that I would do something to fix it. I find it incredibly funny that you could determine I had a problem with my extra unwanted 8 lbs by my post.



Yes. I could determine that you had a previous weight problem. That's why I asked if you were called fat as a kid. I thought your attitude my be some repressed issues from your childhood but alas it was just some boastful claim that you, how did you say, DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT! All 8 pounds


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> And no SGC, my kids and I don't make cookies. We make bran muffins, salads, and fruit/veggie concoctions together. Why does a fun time in the kitchen have to involve sweets? I find it more fun to slice watermelon and have the kids use cookie cutters to make shapes out of those and feel better about them eating them too!


Well I guess every family is different. There's no way I would give up making Christmas cookies with my kids or making birthday cake or it's a snowy day let's have something special days. Of course all Moms do the healthy stuff too, it's not something that is only one or the other. I disagree with the fundamentals of teaching kids that they should never be able to eat anything unhealthy but that's just based on my experience of other families who did the same and ended up with kids who didn't understand moderation and ate junk like crazy to make up for it as soon as they were out of the house.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

That's not to say my children never have treats. Birthdays and holidays they get cake, ice cream, candy, whatever the celebration calls for. When they get their vaccines, they get a trip to Baskin Robins.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

It's not that no one should bake cookies, it's just that fat people shouldn't eat them.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

well that's the reason people fail at diets.They cut out everything they enjoy and try to force themselves to eat stuff they aren't thrilled about eating.

It's ok to have A cookie.ONE-TWO at the max if you're dieting.

It's about learning control.Instead of eating an entire bag of chips,take a cup of chips and put the rest away for another day.

If you're going to eat a sweet or a snack at lunch you can't turn around and indulge at dinner too.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> well that's the reason people fail at diets.They cut out everything they enjoy and try to force themselves to eat stuff they aren't thrilled about eating.
> 
> It's ok to have A cookie.ONE-TWO at the max if you're dieting.
> 
> ...


I see what you're saying and it's sensible, but I don't think everyone is that way. When I was 22 or so and living on my own I ate pasta with garlic and grated cheese nearly every night. It was a cheap meal, probably only cost 80 cents or so at the time, but a lb of pasta is incredibly fattening. It's pretty delicious too  At one point I said wtf, as I was approaching 200 lbs. I cut the pasta completely and ate in a very spartan manner. I ate only eggs, ground turkey cottage cheese and salad. I lost 20 lbs in a month and only then I would indulge in the occaisonal small seving of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> It's not that no one should bake cookies, it's just that fat people shouldn't eat them.


Is this the kind of attitude you teach your children? No wonder there are still bullies in our schools. 

I'd hate to live with such fear of gaining weight. I know I'm loved, sexy and healthy. I want my children to have a healthy view of food and love, I wouldn't want to teach them that they aren't worthy of love (or the occasional cookie) if they gain too much baby weight. I wouldn't want their father to teach them that I only deserve respect if I fit in a certain size clothes. That they are only loved and beautiful if they stay thin. That's probably why we have so many anorexic 12 year olds out there. That concerns me far more than the issue with obesity. But both come from the same thing, an unhealthy view of food and weight. 
Live and let live man. I don't know where the hate/insecurity is coming from- they go hand in hand BTW- but who really cares? If they aren't hurting anyone, F it. 


FTR-I lost 17 pounds in about 5 months by walking and eating slightly less than I normally would of the same foods my family always eats. I did it with full support and motivation from my loved ones and in a way that would be easy to maintain so I wouldn't end up on the endless yo-yo like so many other people end up on. Had I been told it wasn't possible unless I did the DVDs and gym and intense workouts and never eat a cookie, I wouldn't have done it. 
For the original poster- my fitness pal is a great app for your wife, it's very easy to make sure you are staying in your calories. She can still have the stuff she wants as long as it fits into her calories and she can add any workouts to it. They have forums that are very supportive too, it sounds like she is asking for support so it would be a good place to go. There are also groups, like TOPS, she can join. I've never been but I know others who need the group support to help them. Maybe look for something like that for her? Just having people tell you that you are doing awesome is a huge boost. HTH


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

MyHappyPlace said:


> And no SGC, my kids and I don't make cookies. We make bran muffins, salads, and fruit/veggie concoctions together. Why does a fun time in the kitchen have to involve sweets? I find it more fun to slice watermelon and have the kids use cookie cutters to make shapes out of those and feel better about them eating them too!



My kids and I make cookies and we very much enjoy eating them. We are all thin and active, and my hb and I are endurance athletes. My sons are 10 and 12 and already have a few triathlons and 5k's under their belt. At the same time I understand how difficult it can be to recovery physically; I was an athlete before pregnancy and it took me a few years to fully recovery physically. Everyone is different, esp when they have smug spouse. I can say a lot of nasty things about my ex hb but he never gave me a hard time about the baby weight. Perhaps you don't mean it but your posts come off as a bit smug and holier than thou.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I admit I haven't read the entire thread, but I wanted to share a little of my experience. I have 4 kids eight and under and I'm 33. After the fourth, I decided I wanted to get in shape for myself and my family. I started jogging with some friends and haven't stopped. I'm in the best shape of my life and am running a marathon in October. My husband doesn't exercise at all. He's not really overweight, but he does need to tone up. I also worry about his overall health. I encourage him to exercise, but I want him to do it for himself, not because I don't find him attractive.

My point is that you shouldn't pressure your wife into exercising because you don't think she is attractive. I think that's sad. All you can do is to encourage her to exercise and eat well because you love her and you want her to be healthy. She has to WANT to change. It's definitely a mistake to compare her to other women. That will only perpetuate you feeling badly about her and her in turn feeling badly about herself. I'm sure she senses how you feel.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Aunt Ava said:


> From the book "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. Chapter 8: the Truth About the way you Look. "He doesn't need you to be a size 3, but he does need you to make the effort to take care of yourself for him- and he'll willingly help you." It's not about being perfect, it's about knowing you care enough about his needs to make the effort.
> 
> I found these books to be very interesting reading, the accompanying book is "For Men Only" by Jeff Feldhahn.
> 
> I'm 51, 5'6" and 128. I have survived menopause and have made the effort to keep myself in decent shape. My husband rarely compliments me,  but it's just not his thing.


Trust me , every time he sees an over weight woman he thanks his lucky stars and he sees a lot of over weight people I'm sure.


----------



## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Starstarfish said:


> I wish I could look like all of these 150 lb women where 30lbs is chest.


Me too!! I'm 5'3 and weigh about 108 pounds with a very petite frame. But I have small breasts. I'm a little envious of women with naturally large breasts. I comfort myself with the thought that large breasts would slow me down by at least 15 seconds a mile when running! LOL We can't have it all (most of us at least).


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Is this the kind of attitude you teach your children? No wonder there are still bullies in our schools.
> 
> I'd hate to live with such fear of gaining weight. I know I'm loved, sexy and healthy. I want my children to have a healthy view of food and love, I wouldn't want to teach them that they aren't worthy of love (or the occasional cookie) if they gain too much baby weight. I wouldn't want their father to teach them that I only deserve respect if I fit in a certain size clothes. That they are only loved and beautiful if they stay thin. That's probably why we have so many anorexic 12 year olds out there. That concerns me far more than the issue with obesity. But both come from the same thing, an unhealthy view of food and weight.
> Live and let live man. I don't know where the hate/insecurity is coming from- they go hand in hand BTW- but who really cares? If they aren't hurting anyone, F it.
> ...


It's not mean, it's just stated plainly. My kids routinely have desserts for eating all their dinner. It's a small portion and not a big deal. They're not overwight thus it's not an issue. It's really no different than if you were drinking and got drunk. You're in a state of excess, you should stop until you are no longer in this state.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> It's not that no one should bake cookies, it's just that fat people shouldn't eat them.


I disagree. Maybe it's not healthy for an overweight person to eat 10 cookies. But nobody should deprive themselves of cookies all the time! Life is too short. Moderation in all things is key.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I disagree. Maybe it's not healthy for an overweight person to eat 10 cookies. But nobody should deprive themselves of cookies all the time! Life is too short. Moderation in all things is key.


If moderation at all times were employed one wouldn't find themselves 20 lbs overweight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> If moderation at all times were employed one wouldn't find themselves 20 lbs overweight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


True. So shouldn't the approach be finding that moderation, instead of depriving oneself completely?


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

What?? This is thread is still going? The OP hasn't even been back in awhile. :scratchhead:


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

momtwo4 said:


> Me too!! I'm 5'3 and weigh about 108 pounds with a very petite frame. But I have small breasts. I'm a little envious of women with naturally large breasts. I comfort myself with the thought that large breasts would slow me down by at least 15 seconds a mile when running! LOL We can't have it all (most of us at least).



I don't know, I have natural 36 C+ breasts and my 5k pace is 6:25 per mile (7:10 half marathon pace). Are they slowing me down? Maybe, but my pace is still pretty darn good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> It's not mean, it's just stated plainly. My kids routinely have desserts for eating all their dinner. It's a small portion and not a big deal. They're not overwight thus it's not an issue. It's really no different than if you were drinking and got drunk. You're in a state of excess, you should stop until you are no longer in this state.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I hope for their sake that they never gain 10 extra pounds and have Daddy tell them how fat and unattractive they are and have him encourage their partners to withhold respect and love until they shape up and meet your standard of beauty. 

And if you would never tell your own children that they are fat and unattractive or want anyone else to say it to them, don't say it to anyone else. Everyone is someone's child.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Well I hope for their sake that they never gain 10 extra pounds and have Daddy tell them how fat and unattractive they are and have him encourage their partners to withhold respect and love until they shape up and meet your standard of beauty.
> 
> And if you would never tell your own children that they are fat and unattractive or want anyone else to say it to them, don't say it to anyone else. Everyone is someone's child.


You're putting words in my mouth, again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



BrockLanders said:


> You're putting words in my mouth, again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL. Ok, well now I'm thinking that you are just trying to be obtuse get a rise out of people so I won't take the bait anymore. I should have learned my lesson last time.


----------



## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



lifeistooshort said:


> I don't know, I have natural 36 C+ breasts and my 5k pace is 6:25 per mile (7:10 half marathon pace). Are they slowing me down? Maybe, but my pace is still pretty darn good.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Okay, now I am really jealous--both of your pace and your breasts! LOL


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Wow - so many thin, fit, healthy-eating pious people in this thread...posting their heights, weights, BMI's.......sigh.......

Let's flip the script:

My husband is 30, 40, 50 pounds overweight & I covet his thin friends & the in-shape men at the gym. He does try a little bit to get in shape but he wants me to compliment him which I refuse to do because "compliments are earned" & he doesn't deserve them until he loses the extra pounds. I on the other hand, am 40 yrs. old & get hit on all of the time by 20-30 yr. old men.

He works outside the home, is a good husband & father & we have 2 small children. What should I do?


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Emerald said:


> Wow - so many thin, fit, healthy-eating pious people in this thread...posting their heights, weights, BMI's.......sigh.......
> 
> Let's flip the script:
> 
> ...


Well,what CAN you do? If he doesn't want to lose it and be sexier nothing you say or do will make him want it.

He has to want it for himself.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Emerald said:


> Wow - so many thin, fit, healthy-eating pious people in this thread...posting their heights, weights, BMI's.......sigh.......
> 
> Let's flip the script:
> 
> ...


He should no doubt get into shape. Members here such as Machiaveli stress that point all the time. That is one of the big points in MMSLP. Even the 180 that is often suggested directs men to do that.

I think women are just as visual as men when it comes to their partners, and often more vocal about the visual when it comes to men that are not their partners. There are a lot of women who aren't physically attracted to their partners the way the partner wished they were, but a lot of those women won't say anything verbally, they just start to withold sex. We see that play out quite frequently here...


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Your wife won't have sex with you? Get in shape. Start working out...

You think your with is unattractive? How dare you you be so shallow and mean...


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Emerald said:


> Wow - so many thin, fit, healthy-eating pious people in this thread...posting their heights, weights, BMI's.......sigh.......


My point, and I will only speak for myself is that I make the effort to keep myself in decent shape and I try to eat somewhat healthy. I love cookies too. I hope I don't come across as pious. 

I know my appearance is important to my husband. Since he's important to me I try to meet his needs, I thought that's how this marriage thing was supposed to work.


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Hi Folks:

First off I want to thank the following users:

Aunt Ava
My Happy Place
Momtwo4

I appreciate your feedback and support.

Just to clarify with some, I have nothing against sweets, (cookies, chips, muffins, chocolate bars, etc.) I eat them too, just in moderation.

I don't believe in starvation diets, etc. I never once asked my wife to stop eating what she enjoys.

I do however suggest something other than walks for activity. Since all she does is walk, and she isn't toning up or losing weight then it doesn't work for her. Her time is valuable and would rather see her do other activities that would help her receive better results. Some women get results from walks, some do not.

For example: A single mother runs boot camp classes in our city and this is an example where she could me other people to work out with and socialize after and almost have a "girls night out" type.

It's human nature for men and women to want to best for their spouse, physically and emotionally.


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Aunt Ava said:


> Since he's important to me I try to meet his needs, I thought that's how this marriage thing was supposed to work.


You might be on to something here. I wonder if its possible thats why some people don't want to get in shape/lose weight? Maybe their spouse is just not that important to them? Although they should want to do for themselves anyway.


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



samyeagar said:


> He should no doubt get into shape. Members here such as Machiaveli stress that point all the time. That is one of the big points in MMSLP. Even the 180 that is often suggested directs men to do that.
> 
> I think women are just as visual as men when it comes to their partners, and often more vocal about the visual when it comes to men that are not their partners. There are a lot of women who aren't physically attracted to their partners the way the partner wished they were, but a lot of those women won't say anything verbally, they just start to withold sex. We see that play out quite frequently here...


My husband is not really overweight. I was trying to make a point here.

People that are not "in shape" deserve to be loved & respected just like in shape people. I get that people are attracted to "pretty." However, when you marry, the intent is for life in sickness & health. I get that we want our partners to stay the same as the day we married but that does not always happen. Looks fade, some people put on weight, some people lose weight. Some people become disabled. Change is constant & people who truly love each other & are committed to the marriage get this & adapt. They don't covet other people who are thinner, etc.


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I also think that the ability to communicate honestly w/o fear is so important. It would be great if the OP could have an honest discussion of his feelings about his wife's weight & inappropriate dressing with her.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



> A single mother runs boot camp classes in our city and this is an example where she could me other people to work out with and socialize after and almost have a "girls night out" type.


Umm, but if you can't/won't get a babysitter for these evenings, and want to go to the gym/for jogs yourself how is a "girls night out" meant to happening?


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Starstarfish said:


> Umm, but if you can't/won't get a babysitter for these evenings, and want to go to the gym/for jogs yourself how is a "girls night out" meant to happening?


He would need to sit at home and take care of the kids and let her go out and get her gym time on.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



CallaLily said:


> You might be on to something here. I wonder if its possible thats why some people don't want to get in shape/lose weight? Maybe their spouse is just not that important to them? Although they should want to do for themselves anyway.


Or maybe they are just happy with themselves and their partners. I have showed mine pictures of me at size 0, it's not his thing. I was told I can do what I want but don't lose that ass :smthumbup: I saw a thread here not too long ago about a woman who lost weight and her husband was no longer attracted to her, I think it was on here. Should she stay big if her spouse is important to her?


----------



## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Hi Folks:
> 
> First off I want to thank the following users:
> 
> ...


Fixed that for you, to reflect the truth of the situation.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> Hi Folks:
> 
> First off I want to thank the following users:
> 
> ...


What it seems like though, OP, is that your wife doesn't actually want to do a boot camp. Personally I think it sounds horrible, I hate this kind of organized activity. Have you talked to her more about what SHE wants to do - maybe instead of a casual walk she can get a fitbit or some tracker & set some goals if just plain walking is not working.

Have you actually talked to her about her clothes, given positive re-enforcement when she dresses more age/body appropriate? Sent her to a personal shopper to improve her style?

I'm just not clear from your posts how much you have actually discussed this with her, especially diet & the clothing.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Kobo said:


> Whatever. TAM is full of 50 year old men with 6 pack abs and a full head of hair. I guess they could all be from Europe but they don't come off as girly to me so I doubt it.


Hey, I resemble that remark . I'm in my 50's, European born and raised, a full head of Einstein wild hair, and a 6-pack of car batteries in the abs 

To the original issue, tho, 150 lbs carried well and dressed well should not be an issue in itself. That's Jayne Mansfield territory give or take. Maybe both spouses have unrealistic views?


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Emerald said:


> My husband is not really overweight. I was trying to make a point here.
> 
> People that are not "in shape" deserve to be loved & respected just like in shape people. I get that people are attracted to "pretty." However, when you marry, the intent is for life in sickness & health. I get that we want our partners to stay the same as the day we married but that does not always happen. Looks fade, some people put on weight, some people lose weight. Some people become disabled. Change is constant & people who truly love each other & are committed to the marriage get this & adapt. They don't covet other people who are thinner, etc.


I agree that changes in physical appearance should not effect the respect and consideration that a partner feels. But the changes very often effects the type of love and attraction. I don't think it is something that many of us have control over. 

Intense love may not be enough to hold the relationship together if there is no sexual attraction. It is sad but it happens. 

A person with a good character and empathy will take pains to solve the physical attraction problem if possible. If they have done all they can then they have to weight the effect of divorce on their children and proceed according their priorities. 

I dont think that trying to regain attraction by working with a partner to lose weight is insensitive or disrespectful. It is the opposite. However, saying nasty, unkind and derisive things reveals an inner ugliness. That can't be exercised away. 

I would be ashamed of myself to reveal so much disloyalty, insensitivity and pride. I would also be cautious, I believe pride goeth before the fall.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



MyHappyPlace said:


> Interesting. That last post makes you sound so incredibly passive aggressive TG. It sounds like fake confidence punctuated with a passive aggressive jab at the end. Like the person who mutters their parting shot under their breath as they walk away...
> 
> And hey guys, nice thread jacking. Really, none of this was about you. It was about OP asking if he was wrong because he wouldn't lie to his wife to stroke her ego. BTW, the answer to that is still a big fat NO, you aren't wrong to not lie!!


Well, I could post pics of myself, but what is the point? I do know who I am. I do not like small penises. What is the problem? Men talk all the time about what size breasts they like. Who cares. It's the internet. Lord knows what any of y'all look like. 

The OPs issue is a serious one, IMO. If he can't just tell her outright that he doesn't think she deserves the title of YM, then what is he to do other than build resentment?


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

That Girl:

Nothing wrong with honesty. I don't think there is a woman alive who prefers a 4" penis to a 8" penis. You just said it point blank.

You are right, most men love D cup breasts on women as opposed to a B cup, nothing wrong with a woman stating her love of well endowed men.

It goes back to my post, I am more attracted to women that are fit as opposed to out of shape. Sexual attraction is physical as much as emotional. The small percentage of couples can overlook that, not all.

Nowadays, women are cheating almost as much as men do. I am not condoning it since it can rarely, if ever help a marriage survive. I am also not judging anyone either.

I know a woman who cheated on her husband. He went out too much, never took her anywhere, never spoiled her on Valentine's Day or her birthday. She was his high school sweetheart and took her for granted. Maybe he should have given his wife more attention. Also, he married out of his league. He was overweight while she looked fantastic.


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

To the OP, so what is your plan? Other than continually explaining how you like fit women, and how you wish your wife would do this or that to try and lose weight. You have been given some good advice on things to try, so what approach do you think you might try? Or are you not going to say anything in hopes she wakes up one day and sees the light?


----------



## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Ooooh, now he's throwing in how cheating is sometimes 'justified' when one partner is way out of the other's league. Hmm, wonder where this is going.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Personally, I find it funny that the OP seems proud of the fact that 20 & 30 year old women are complimenting him at the gym. Doesn't that seem just a tad condescending of the women? 

If they really thought he was all that and a bag of chips, they'd be giving him their phone numbers rather than compliments.


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I am not contemplating an affair whatsoever. My kids are more important than my needs.

I just stated that some people (mostly men) take their spouse for granted at times.

And no I never stated that women compliment me at the gym. When I am at the gym, i look but am there for a workout just like they are. 

Sometimes I get compliments from my wife's friends, sometimes it's at the daycare when I pick up my youngest or from other parents at my oldest's one's school.

I am no different than anyone else. A compliment from someone from the opposite sex is a nice feeling. It's good for an ego boost once in awhile.

I don't think women mind if a nice looking man tells them they have a nice outfit on or a nice hair style, etc.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Marriedand40 said:


> I am not contemplating an affair whatsoever. My kids are more important than my needs.
> 
> I just stated that some people (mostly men) take their spouse for granted at times.
> 
> ...


It is nice but be careful because it can go from that to an EA quickly and without you planning it. I`ve said the same things, my kids are more important than my needs so I`d never cheat and wouldn`t leave and blah blah blah. Someone started saying the right combination of words to me and I started talking to him more just to hear them. My needs were different than yours but it doesn`t matter. 
I think it`s dangerous territory so be careful  Don`t forget that your wife sounds like her needs are being met either (needing compliments and support) Are you ok with her getting those needs met by other men? She could start liking them too much too. Needs are important, I'm sure you guys can work something out together so you're both happy. If she is working on it but it takes her longer because it's at her pace, can that be a compromise?


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



greenfern said:


> I can do this "selective quote" thing too:


I don't see anything in what you quoted as damning. His wife has a fat belly and thighs. Observing facts like that is forbidden by the uber-defensive crowd here. 

What the poster you quoted was doing demontrated the lies being told by one side of this, just like below:





> But really what I keep trying to say and OP doesn't respond to, is that weight is a very hot button issue for a lot of women and calling them flabby and *refusing to compliment them on their looks or progress* until they get down to a certain weight is just not going to work.


He DID compliment her. You are lying. It demonstrates that if the compliments are not profuse enough, he isn't complimenting her _at all _according to the uber-defensive crowd.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Wiserforit said:


> I don't see anything in what you quoted as damning. His wife has a fat belly and thighs. Observing facts like that is forbidden by the uber-defensive crowd here.
> 
> What the poster you quoted was doing demontrated the lies being told by one side of this, just like below:
> 
> ...


You say he complimented her, he says he complimented her. But would she say he complimented her? Does he say she is pretty, or attractive? He may compliment her parenting skills but I don't think he ever said anything positive other than that when she worked out for a couple weeks she got a "nice job keep it up".

I guess my point is unclear...I actually relate to the OP. I used to be more like him - someone should earn a compliment they are not just given out. My parents did not freely compliment us kids and I think you learn this kind of behaviour at a young age. But in my current relationship I have learned that people have very different needs in this area. My partner really needs & loves compliments. It makes him feel loved, happy, and makes him a better bf, lover and partner. If I withheld compliments until he earned them I can tell you we would both be unhappy.

So rambling on, my point is how does it hurt to say, as someone put it earlier, "you are my yummy mummy". Give her the compliments she needs, and also HELP her achieve the weight goal. For gods sake send her to the store with a personal shopper to buy some clothes that fit! I just keep getting that the OP needs her to do it his way. She is only 2 yrs out for birth it might be too early to say her way isn't working, or perhaps her way would work if he would help with positive affirmations.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

I think it is so odd to hear of parents complimenting each other at school activities. All of my attention is on my kids, watching them come or go, hoping their day goes well and how they are progressing. The other parents seem the same.

Seems to be an unwritten convention. The way the fathers of other kids look never registers with me. 

My friends never compliment my husbands looks in his presence and I don't compliment their husbands. It would seem too much like flirting I guess. 

Maybe I am missing the exchange. What exactly does a women say when complimenting a father at school or the husband of a friend? "Hello how are you?" or "That a nice tie, where did you get it? I'd like to get my SO one" does not count.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

*Re: Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*



Catherine602 said:


> I think it is so odd to hear of parents complimenting each other at school activities. All of my attention is on my kids, watching them come or go, hoping their day goes well and how they are progressing. The other parents seem the same.
> 
> Seems to be an unwritten convention. The way the fathers of other kids look never registers with me.
> 
> ...


Agreed! My interactions with my friends SOs & other parents would never include a "you look hot" (unless I was complimenting another woman on a new haircut or something but that would be very unusual).


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Is my wife delusional or am I wrong not to tell her she is a "Yummy Mommy" ??*

Depends on how close one is to said friend - it is difficult to make a comment about how a friend of the opposite gender looks without it coming off as inappropriate, much like a colleague at work, 

The few female friends I would not have a problem complementing are those I know for two decades or more.


----------

