# Unprocessed Feelings?



## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

I woke up this morning before dawn from a dream about my stbxw making out with my ex-close friend. The two had a sexual relationship maybe 6 or 7 months before I married her, while she and I were supposed to be taking a step back from each other because we were moving too fast in our own friendship/relationship. I knew too much about what happened between them because I saw texts she sent him, emails she sent him, and his angry fiancee(also an ex-friend of mine) made sure to fill me in on the details she knew. The love letter/e-mail she sent him stuck with me for a while even after I supposedly got over it and married her. It was like nothing she's ever written to me before. Well, unfortunately last night for whatever reason I got a flashback of that e-mail along with some terrible visions of the two of them doing all the stuff in the letter. I've been here before when we were together, and those were some tough mornings waking up next to her after a night like last night. I hoped it would change since we aren't around each other. I haven't seen him or talked to him since (5 yrs ago), and I don't desire a relationship with my stbxw so why are these thoughts continuing to haunt me? I woke up with tears in my eyes as if this just happened when honestly, this stuff is before we even got married! I called myself forgiving everyone involved, and part of my marrying her was to prove that point. I'm wondering are these just unprocessed feelings or something worse, and does anybody else deal with this type of thing. Thanks for allowing me to vent as usual.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Tee,

There's an august member of the forum with the moniker morituri.

He had the "honor" of getting his hands on a videotape is ex made with posOM while still married to him.

So, he didn't just get to dream about it. He got to watch it in person.

His therapist recommended that he use the power of his mind to dress them in clown suits when he thought of those images. I laugh every time I think of that, because he reported that it worked and he found peace with it.

Give it a shot.

Also, to every good man reading this. Anytime she asks for a "step back", it's often a step toward posOM.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

Thanks Conrad... The step back was a bit more my idea because I didn't want to rush into anything with her because she was wanting to take our friendship to the next level more quickly than I had been accustomed to doing in the past (I still ended up rushing into our marriage, so the jokes on me I guess) Like I said this is all pretty old news, and I hadn't thought about this in a while... I was doing fairly well until this morning... Now I'm just nauseous.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

That is awful. My wife had an affair with my brother in the first 9 months of our marriage that ended when she got pregnant with our first child ( he is fixed so I know sarah is mine).

I didn't even find out the entire truth for 10 years. I always knew but never wanted to believe it.

The best way i found to get the picture out of my head was to forgive her. I never even brought it up again for the next 4 years.. even when we spit. 

I found the power of forgiveness worked wonders for me.

Now I need to learn to forgive her for leaving me and the girls last week. That will take much more time.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

Sadwithtwo... I'm very sorry to hear that man. I have been wondering if there is still un forgiveness inside of me that I haven't dealt with. I applaud you for being there for your girls, as I know this is a very difficult time for you brother.


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