# My Father is Cheating on Mom with Escorts, What Do I Do?



## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

I just discovered that my dad is seeing escorts/ or paying for sex. This is a shocker because he just turned 70 years old this year. I found this out because he forgot his cell phone at my apartment over the weekend. We have the same phones so I mistook his phone for mine. He has been married to my mom for the last 40 years or more. I do not know how long this has been going on, but at least a year that I know. He is the most loving, wonderful caring dad who is always there for me when I need him. I am not good with keeping secrets. I do not want to keep this secret either. I want to tell him that I know but am afraid of losing our close bond. Unfortunately, I do not have a good relationship with my mother or brother. This has shattered my view of him as the moral person I thought I knew all my life. I am looking for advice and comments, I am afraid for his safety and well being. I am also afraid for the safety of my mother and our finances. It appears from the text messages these hook ups he pursues are after money as their primary goal.


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## smartyblue (Jun 22, 2011)

Sailor's Daughter said:


> I just discovered that my dad is seeing escorts/ or paying for sex. This is a shocker because he just turned 70 years old this year. I found this out because he forgot his cell phone at my apartment over the weekend. We have the same phones so I mistook his phone for mine. He has been married to my mom for the last 40 years or more. I do not know how long this has been going on, but at least a year that I know. He is the most loving, wonderful caring dad who is always there for me when I need him. I am not good with keeping secrets. I do not want to keep this secret either. I want to tell him that I know but am afraid of losing our close bond. Unfortunately, I do not have a good relationship with my mother or brother. This has shattered my view of him as the moral person I thought I knew all my life. I am looking for advice and comments, I am afraid for his safety and well being. I am also afraid for the safety of my mother and our finances. It appears from the text messages these hook ups he pursues are after money as their primary goal.


I recently asked a man who cheated why he did it. Primarily--sex. Men need and want sex and are willing to get it at any risk. He's willing to risk STDs, losing your mom and your bond. When men cheat they are thinking about getting what they want. They are not thinking about any of the fall out. 

When you want chocolate, you want chocolate. You don't calculate how many miles you may have to run to work it off. And once you are satisfied, you want another one. And it wasn't hard to get. I'm sorry you discovered this. I can't imagine if it were my dad. All you can do is talk to him about what you found out. You can't tell your mom. You will cause a huge rift between your parents IF she doesn't know. She may be turning a blind eye and allow the infidelity. That's between your parents. 

Ask your father two questions: (1) who is (name of escort)? And (2) has he told his wife? You have to let him make his choices. Perhaps you knowing will make him reconsider what he is doing. But if he is caught up in the lust and passion that he may not be getting at home, he's addicted to the attention. And there won't be anything you can do to make him stop. He's an adult. Men need and want sex. Your dad is a passionate man and he's fulfilling a need he's not getting met at home. Sorry dear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

smartyblue said:


> I recently asked a man who cheated why he did it. Primarily--sex. Men need and want sex and are willing to get it at any risk. He's willing to risk STDs, losing your mom and your bond. When men cheat they are thinking about getting what they want. They are not thinking about any of the fall out.
> 
> When you want chocolate, you want chocolate. You don't calculate how many miles you may have to run to work it off. And once you are satisfied, you want another one. And it wasn't hard to get. I'm sorry you discovered this. I can't imagine if it were my dad. All you can do is talk to him about what you found out. You can't tell your mom. You will cause a huge rift between your parents IF she doesn't know. She may be turning a blind eye and allow the infidelity. That's between your parents.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for your thoughts! It is so consoling to know my story is being heard. This problem is tearing a hole in my gut, because it has not sunk in yet. I feel perhaps I should elaborate a little more on the situation.

I wish that my dad was only seeing one prostitute/ escort. From the messages I read there have been several over a year. Interesting though, there is one primary woman now. She seems to be getting a little possessive lately. Over this last weekend she called and called, and texted him like mad. She may be trying to extort money out of him, according to one particular message that mentioned a savings acct. 

No I do not want to tell my mom. Even if I don't get along with her, I know this is HUGE. That he has come to this, I think it must be emotional and physical. He does look rather old now and has a pacemaker. It is just that mom and dad always argued a lot. Mom is kind of uptight and high strung. She complains ALOT about little things it was enough to drive me crazy since I was fourteen. I know that I have to tell him because I like to live in the real world. I only hope that he will see what he is doing from my perspective and maybe it will bring about some self reflection.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

I hate to be mundane about this---but the longer you allow this to go on, the more you give up

The money he spends on prostitutes, and it could be considerable, is money taken from your pocket, as eventually it would go to you as part of your fathers estate

I know when someone dies, it is preferable that they spend all their money, and pass on with a zero balance in their acct---but that isn't how it works out

If he was having an A---some money would be spent---but not like what he is probably giving away to prosties

She may be after him, cuz her pimp is after her to produce more, and he just might be a good touch for her

In all reality, your mother does deserve to know. If someone was cheating on you, and a relative knew of it---you would be pi*sed off, if they kept you in the dark


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

jnj express said:


> I hate to be mundane about this---but the longer you allow this to go on, the more you give up
> 
> The money he spends on prostitutes, and it could be considerable, is money taken from your pocket, as eventually it would go to you as part of your fathers estate
> 
> ...


Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it. Yes, I know I am feeling a sense of urgency. I have had enough experience myself to recognize when someone might be getting used. Here is more info...

He said in one text message that he had "loved" this woman at one time. My dad has a big heart and he loves easily. Maybe too easily. He can cry over a Hallmark card at the drop of a hat. 

I do not know the extent of the money spending. I realize that my mother is the victim here also. What is more complicated is that she is very codependent. She likes the traditional housewife role and has never had a career, even though she graduated from college. She is a naturally anxious person, that is just how it is. This would crush her to the core. I do not think she could take care of herself at this age. They are from an older generation, so it really makes it confusing to apply a modern viewpoint to this situation. Also yes, I have experienced someone cheating on me so I know how it feels- not good.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

No matter what your mother has done, she does not deserve this. she also deserves the truth.

She deserves the right to be able to decide if the man she lies next to every night is worthy of lying next to her.

He is lying and cheating, he is putting his own health and hers at risk.

If you have his phone, message the escort back and tell her you have gone to the police and that she is to not ever contact your father again. 

Then get all of the info you can and let your father know and give him the chance to come clean and tell your mother.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You can either ignore it, tell your father you know, or tell your mother.

If your father had a one night stand, felt remorseful about it, and you found out, then I think you could ignore it.

But this is an ongoing thing. He is physically, emotionally, and financially involved with an escort. I think you have to tell your mother.

Just realize that, if this blows up their marriage, it wasn't your fault. It was his. Also, it's possible that she knows. She may have given him permission, or he may not know that she knows.

Just try to think of all the possibilities before you act.


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> You can either ignore it, tell your father you know, or tell your mother.
> 
> If your father had a one night stand, felt remorseful about it, and you found out, then I think you could ignore it.
> 
> ...


Thanks again for the advice. I am taking in all the advice from everyone. It is helping me feel less alone with this burden. I am weighing out all the possibilities of how this could play out, I am trying to figure out the approach that will do the least damage to my relationship with my dad. 

In respect to my mother. I believe it is very likely that they have stopped having sex all together. She is not as free and giving with her affection. She can be loving but not always physically. They are more like friends now.

What I wish I knew is how this compulsion started with him in seeking out sex. Could maybe it be from lack of warmth from mom? Maybe this was what drove him to experiment, but now is it possible that it has turned into a type of addiction? I just wonder if he could stop if he wanted to? One of my friends suggests that it could be a relief for him to see that I know. So far it is pretty weird, because I saw him yesterday and he is not letting on that this phone mishap could lead to anything. He is acting like everything is totally normal. Also ironically their Wedding Anniversary is coming up next month on September 23rd.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You could send him an E-Mail, as if it was from an unknown source, say in the E-Mail---you know he is cheating, and if he doesn't stop instantly----everyone, and I mean everyone he knows will be told of his cheating----that may get him to stop

It won't help your mother---but what is it that you really want to do about all of this?????


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

jnj express said:


> You could send him an E-Mail, as if it was from an unknown source, say in the E-Mail---you know he is cheating, and if he doesn't stop instantly----everyone, and I mean everyone he knows will be told of his cheating----that may get him to stop
> 
> It won't help your mother---but what is it that you really want to do about all of this?????


Thank you for your suggestion. That is a very creative idea, and could maybe work if my dad did not share an email address with my mom. :scratchhead: 

I would like to report that this is going to be handled very soon, maybe this week. I am gathering up my courage and am planning a meeting. I tried to contact my brother for some support however it does not seem likely he will respond. I am thinking he might already know as well. He helped my dad with some technical problems with his cell. Dad is very trusting to just carelessly let his phone get handled by us.

You asked what I hope the outcome might be? There are no good outcomes. The only outcome for me is that dad and I will not have this secret between us. It will be up to him what he decides to do next. I am not trying to break up the marriage by any means. If it was just an affair with one person it would be different. An escort/ prostitute service brings this to another level of risk.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Tell you dad he has a day or you'll tell mom, hand him a copy of your thread and tell him this will explain the why.


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

the guy said:


> Tell you dad he has a day or you'll tell mom, hand him a copy of your thread and tell him this will explain the why.


Nice. Well at least he has a pacemaker so it would not cause him to have a heart attack. I will keep this idea in mind. Thanks


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would tell my dad he has a week to tell my mom or I will.

Not because he's cheating, but god forbid he gave her a disease, etc.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

:iagree:

Sorry I forgot about his age, I just though with his active life style he could handle it.

Give him a week to put a plan together


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I dont know how old you are or what your relationship status is but I would like to set the record strait lest you think that the sex with prostitutes is somehow justifiable because a man has sexual desires. It is not. 

Your father engaged in illegal and immoral activity. Not only that, he spends time and money on these prostitutes and expended emotional feelings on women who did nothing for him but give a few minutes of pleasure. If he is having any sexual contact with your mother, then in essence she is having sex with prostitutes too. 


You may worship him as a hero but ill bet your mother doesn't and for just cause. You are naive to think that he started seeking sex out side of the marriage 1 year ago. I'll bet a few pennies that he has been doing it for quite some time during the matrriage. 

So you see your mother who, it appears, remained with this man, had his kids, stood by him has been rewarded with a man who spends time and money and emotions directed at paid sex workers. Nice moral man? 

You may not like your mother but at lest understand that if she is married to a man who can do this for a few minites of sexual pleasure, what else has he done? She may have more to complain about than you know. 

Be careful how you evaluate both your parents. Your mother's personality is no reason for your father to risk her health, her emotional stability, risk police action, extortion, blackmail and siphon off the family finances. Your farther may appear to be a loving man but clearly there is another side of him that is the side your mother sees.

Step into your mothers shoes for a while and try to see your father the way she sees him. Why not forgive her for what ever rift that has been created between you. Try to understand her. There is nothing worse than a child who rejects one parent in favor of another without knowing the full story.

You have no idea why your mother is the way she is. Did it occur to you that your father may actually be a very selfish man? It is quite possible that your mother has endured much pain and humiliation at the hands of your father during her marriage. 

You don't know because she may have shielded you from the knowledge. She may have preserved his image to his kids. He comes out looking like a rose and the very kids she protected are estranged from her because she is nervous. 

If you were married to a man who frequented prostitutes you'd get a little high strung too. She may have sacrificed a lot for you and endured a difficult life to keep a family intact. 

Now she needs you. She needs a wise and kind daughter who sees her as a human being not just a mother.Make no assumptions about her and her difficulties in the future just try to be there for her. 

I think you are old enough to act maturely and to slowly get to know your mother as a person. Find out her story, you may find that she is the one who should garner admiration for her sacrifices and steadfastness.

I hope you will be able to use this as a life lesson. Married women seldom get the respect that they deserve in this society. Many women make sacrifices to hold the family together but in our sex-crazed, immediate gratification, throw away society, the steadfastness of an aging woman is not honored. 

I hope you will do a little to make that right by offering your mother unconditional love. Things are not always what they seem.


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## Currant (Mar 18, 2011)

There is an older thread just like this one (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24949-found-out-dad-seeing-prostitutes.html). There are pages of advice there, so maybe if you get bored or something you could read through it.

I don't know if it has been said yet, but do you think that possibly your dad wanted you to find out? Maybe he needs help getting out of the situation but doesn't know the best way?


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

Currant said:


> There is an older thread just like this one (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24949-found-out-dad-seeing-prostitutes.html). There are pages of advice there, so maybe if you get bored or something you could read through it.
> 
> I don't know if it has been said yet, but do you think that possibly your dad wanted you to find out? Maybe he needs help getting out of the situation but doesn't know the best way?


Thank you for noticing this other post. Interesting because I read that before I shared my own story on this forum. 

It is possible my dad wanted me to know, in a subconscious way. In the off chance that I can help him with this I certainly will. :smthumbup:


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> I dont know how old you are or what your relationship status is but I would like to set the record strait lest you think that the sex with prostitutes is somehow justifiable because a man has sexual desires. It is not.
> 
> Your father engaged in illegal and immoral activity. Not only that, he spends time and money on these prostitutes and expended emotional feelings on women who did nothing for him but give a few minutes of pleasure. If he is having any sexual contact with your mother, then in essence she is having sex with prostitutes too.
> 
> ...


I read this whole response, and I have to share a bit of feedback. Much of these opinions seem to be based on the simple truth that cheating is wrong and therefore this person has to be corrupt and without any merit. This is a very limited point of view and it does not hold a lot of depth. It is easy to judge and different to experience. For one thing my grandparents whom raised my dad were full of good values and were Christian people. There is plenty of history to explain why I "worship" my dad which I am not going to defend now. I think it is meaningful to remember that people are inherently flawed by nature, and how much so is all relative. 

I agree that there is a new side to him that I do not know. Much of what you imply about my mother could be projected from some of your own experience, and I am sorry. She has been high strung my entire life. She has always been closer to my brother, enough said. This indiscretion coming out will not make us closer. I will consider some of your views, however. Thanks for your input.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

There are experiences in life to have and behold and experiences to avoid. Infidelity is one to avoid. 

Your christian father has (or is about) to destroy, rape and rip out the very core being of your Mom, devalue and destroy everything she ever shared, or did with your dad. That's the effect of infidelity. His actions mean her life doesn't matter, and in his mind she is probably consigned to the trash can. 

If you are able to continue to worship his (Christian) dark side, you may want to look at yourself and ask why?

If your life partner put your life at risk by sleeping in the way that your father does with every escort State wide (and all their sex partners) would you want to know? 

Who is important here in your life? Is it your Dad or your Mom?


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

There is another thread here with exactly the same situation:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24949-found-out-dad-seeing-prostitutes.html

It is horrible for you to be put in this position, but as everyone else has said, your mother has the right to know. You have to decide if you should tell her or demand that your father tell her.


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## Lily_B (Jul 28, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> You have no idea why your mother is the way she is. Did it occur to you that your father may actually be a very selfish man? It is quite possible that your mother has endured much pain and humiliation at the hands of your father during her marriage.


I need to agree with Catherine on the above. What goes on between 2 people one will never know. So give your Mother the respect she deserves, tell you Dad to speak up or you will!

It is difficult as they are your parents, but no one deserves to go through this. Good luck.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

SD-
Did you just justify cheating? Even in your fathers case.
Sorry to go off point her, but clarifing this will give a better perspective on the best advice others here at TAM can give.


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## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

Sailor's Daughter said:


> I just discovered that my dad is seeing escorts/ or paying for sex. This is a shocker because he just turned 70 years old this year. I found this out because he forgot his cell phone at my apartment over the weekend. We have the same phones so I mistook his phone for mine. He has been married to my mom for the last 40 years or more. I do not know how long this has been going on, but at least a year that I know. He is the most loving, wonderful caring dad who is always there for me when I need him. I am not good with keeping secrets. I do not want to keep this secret either. I want to tell him that I know but am afraid of losing our close bond. Unfortunately, I do not have a good relationship with my mother or brother. This has shattered my view of him as the moral person I thought I knew all my life. I am looking for advice and comments, I am afraid for his safety and well being. I am also afraid for the safety of my mother and our finances. It appears from the text messages these hook ups he pursues are after money as their primary goal.



Have a talk with your Dad first. Tell him you know and let him talk and you listen. Then, tell him your concerns (safety, health, etc.). Then, depending upon how the conversation goes, you can decide the next steps.


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## Haz (Aug 24, 2011)

SD:

I disagree with much of what has been said here. So much so that I have actually just registered here in order to respond to you.

Your Dad is 70. He is still a sexual person. Is your mom? From your description, I suspect she isn't, and indeed, I think you know this.

What then is your father to do? Dump his wife of 40 years? Seems cruel to me. Force or coerce her into meeting his sexual needs? Probably no fun for him and traumatic for her if she no longer wants this part of her life. What then is he to do?

Find a willing prostitute to meet his needs, taking upon himself the responsibility and risks associated with it? While maintaining a loving relationship with your mother? Sounds pretty heroic to me.

There is in your writing an unwillingness to accept your father as a sexual person. He is a hero, and a hero would practice self denial. Tough cookies. He is a sexual man. He remains true to himself. You are uncomfortable with this. It puts him at risk. It wastes resources that should pass to you. Your mother might not understand. It's just undignified, just un-DAD like of him. 

Yes, it puts him at risk, and this is a conversation that you might choose to have with him. Is he protecting himself? Is he protecting your mother? (if they are celibate, then probably he is). Is he getting pressure from the prostitutes? Does he need your help with this? It is possible that he feels in over his head on this last point, and is seeking your help on that ONLY.

The point here is that for you to convey to him that he is wrong for being sexual is cruel, and frankly immature on your part.

As for your mother, it is possible, even probable, that she knows or quite consciously does not want to know. For you to blunder into the middle of that by telling her or coercing him to tell her may well be humiliating. Again, cruel and immature on your part. Again, this is not the same as infidelity in relationship where there can be reconciliation and the rebuilding of a sexual relationship between them. That relationship is over and they both know it.

As for those complaining that he is spending your money on this, obviously that is wrong. He is spending his money on this. If it is not going to bankrupt him, then it is none of your business.

Tread carefully here, SD. You can do so much harm to your father, and to your mother.

If the two of them are still sexual together, then none of this applies, but I think you know that isn't true.

HAZ


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## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

Haz said:


> SD:
> 
> I disagree with much of what has been said here. So much so that I have actually just registered here in order to respond to you.
> 
> ...


:iagree: You explained it better than I could.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

txhunter54 said:


> :iagree: You explained it better than I could.


I am with you here too.

Haz did explain well.


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## DanG (Aug 10, 2011)

I agree with Haz. Stay out of it. There are reasons why we are limited in our abilities to be all-knowing. The day may come when, upon your parent(s) death that you will be privy to more about them. BUT, that will only affect YOU. You are only privy to your current knowlege because of a happenstance - enabled by technology. Otherwise, you would have never known. Unless it ever seems that your dad NEEDS help or is troubled, this is his business and circumstance to deal with. Tampering with a 70 year old in a 40 year old relationsip is FAR more than any daughter has the duty/right/obligation or capability to manage - CONSTRUCTIVELY. Just my .02.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

Haz said:


> SD:
> 
> I disagree with much of what has been said here. So much so that I have actually just registered here in order to respond to you.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for taking your time to respond to my situation. That you registered for this site for the sake of giving me advice, I feel really honored. This is more than my brother would do after he found out. He has a link to this forum now so I hope he is reading this. He wont even talk to me. To quote his email "Ehhh. Look, you shouldn't have even told me or come to me about this."

Your post shows a lot of compassion and a different perspective. I probably will be seeing my dad this afternoon so hopefully I will know more. This is so nerve wracking I can not even focus very well today to write many posts. However, I would like to respond and say-I am not opposed to acknowledging him as a sexual person. We do not talk about this subject hardly at all in our family. In a twisted way it is good to know he is human and has needs.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Find a willing prostitute to meet his needs, taking upon himself the responsibility and risks associated with it? While maintaining a loving relationship with your mother? Sounds pretty heroic to me.

REALLY, I mean REALLY? Heroic you say. I'm at a lost.


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## Haz (Aug 24, 2011)

Frustrated:

What would you have him do? What honorable course of action would you propose that does not involve involuntary celibacy?

Just curious.

HAZ


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Haz said:


> Frustrated:
> 
> What would you have him do? What honorable course of action would you propose that does not involve involuntary celibacy?
> 
> ...


You can be as curious as you like, but to me that does not spell out HEROIC. Notice I did not comment of the nature of this post because in a situation like this there will be NO winners. Or will they have been if she never came across the information, but to call his actions heroic is futher from the truth. IMHO.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

I agree that it's none of your business up to a point. If the ho is actually threatening him, blackmailing him for more money, etc., then it is your concern. The elderly shouldn't be victimized by someone like that. In fact what she is doing is illegal, and I think the cops would take far more interest in blackmail than they would in a simple prostitution case. So given that this is going on, you definitely need to be involved. 

As far as your mother, etc., I agree that it is slightly more honorable to not toss a 70-year-old homemaker out on the street, but I also know that for men sex is more like eating than, say, smoking cigs or something. I would have a very very hard time with a sexless marriage, for any reason. I would hate to be cheated on if I was a willing partner, but I sure would expect to be if I wasn't.


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

This forum has been so helpful this past week. Since I hate to leave a story unfinished, I wish to briefly state that I was able to hold a serious conversation with my dad about the cheating situation. It feels like it was the hardest thing I have ever made myself do. Dad was very patient and a good listener. We talked about a lot of things. The answer he provided about the information I saw on the phone was not fully satisfying. I believe he is blissfully unaware of how incriminating the text messages are. Nonetheless it is possible that the most threatening woman involved has left the state.:smthumbup: 

I am not sure how this situation will take its course. Yet open communication is a powerful resource, and I have no regrets.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Thanks for the followup. It's nice to see that you have some resolution.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

I don't know if you are still here, but if you are, let me ask you something----Have you ever had a serious Mother--Daughter conversation, about the subject of Adultery

I am sure you can read your mother pretty well by now, and just having a conversation with her about the subject, may shed light on whether, she knows what is going on, whether she tolerates it, you know where I am going!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Haz- your attempt to justify behavior that is so wrong on many levels- morally, financially, emotionally, health and legally is really all that it is- hollow

you want heroic?

how about doing what's right for your marriage and your wife of 25+ years?
how about communicating needs and desires in a loving and open way to your wife when you are dissatisfied instead of lying and being secretive?
how about being honest when the truth hurts?

to me those are heroic actions, not sneaking around and engaging in potentially dangerous behavior with prostitutes


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## Haz (Aug 24, 2011)

"Again, this is not the same as infidelity in relationship where there can be reconciliation and the rebuilding of a sexual relationship between them. That relationship is over and they both know it."

AlmostRecovered:

Read my post again. I acknowledge at the end that if the above is not true, then nothing that I wrote is valid. But it is true, so the honest open communication that you advocate can only bring pain. It cannot rebuild a sexual relationship that the mother does not want rebuilt.

So either acknowledge that, or explain why I'm wrong, or admit that you are angry only because of your own life and not that of OP's parents.

Haz


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Doing the right thing will cause others pain on occasion bit that pain doesn't compare to the pain of discovery
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Haz said:


> "Again, this is not the same as infidelity in relationship where there can be reconciliation and the rebuilding of a sexual relationship between them. That relationship is over and they both know it."
> 
> You can go only by what is posted but if her and her mother doesn't have that type of communication between then how can she really be sure that the sexual relationship between her parents is no longer an option. Either way while I can understand your point I can't for the life of me see how he is being heroic for commiting adultery. Forsake all others are the vows. I'm just saying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

A sexless marriage where the LD (low sex drive) spouse solely benefits from it at the expense of the HD (high sex drive) spouse is not a happy or healthy marriage to say the least, and unless there has been hard efforts on the part of the LD spouse to help resolve the issue (a sign of truly caring for his/her HD spouse), should be ended or come to a mutually acceptable 'arrangement' to have the HD spouse's sexual needs be met on the side. Not very palatable choices I agree but much better than resorting to infidelity.


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