# need some advice



## BigCasino (Jul 14, 2010)

Ok so my wife and i will be married for 11 yrs in about 2 weeks. we have 3 great kids together. I wont lie and say its been great all 11 yrs, we have had our ups and downs.

We recently took a family trip across country and one night at the hotel while the wife was with the kids playing, i was on our laptop and on facebook and this guy pops up. Now i know the name for she told me this was an old co-worker from about 6-7 yrs ago. < wife is in the military and we both keep friends from our military days on FB > so i didnt think much about it. So i typed in Hi to him and then he goes on for a few minutes how he can not play these games any more and how he can not wait for my wife to make up her mind any more and is ending it. So i pretend to be my wife and type to him asking basic questions and such. then he says no more games, and deletes my wife from FB friends and that was the end of it.

So i confront my wife and at first she denies it and then we fight more and finally tells me the truth. She has been talking to him for a month or so and in that time she tells this guy she loves him. So the next day we go on our road trip and when the kids fall asleep in the car i continue to question her. I ask why she said that and what was he waiting for, she claims she doesnt remember. for she only talked to him alittle etc etc, i didnt believe a word. So we continue this talk and she finally fesses up that she had sex with him 6 yrs ago. so i startasking details, and she can only provide some. she says she doesnt remember, best i could get out of her was it was a month long, they worked in the same shop and would meet somewhere < she doesnt remember where > and chat or make out. then one day during thier lunch they had sex in his car. i got out of her that he used a condom and that it was that one time. then she said after that she felt sick and called it off with him cold turkey the next day.

So now for the past few weeks i have felt like ****, i cant look at her without seeing this guy banging her. i ask for more details so i can move on and get " i honestly dont remember".

Now before anyone says , well it was just one time 6 yrs ago. there is more "things" i found out about. she had cyber sex with 2 strangers on our computer when we were married about 6 months, then i found out she was rubbing a friend of mines junk when we all went out drinking one night when we were married for 2yrs, then i found out she banged this guy when we were married for 4 yrs, then last year when things were very rocky i found she had a 3 month on line affair with an old boy friend, this included cyber sex, tellhing him she loved him, wanted to be with him and even went so far as to plan how to get a hotel room and them meet < he is in FL and we are in colorado >.


So all of this is dumped on me at one time. how can i ever trust her ???? how can i believe this is the only **** she has done ? she says she swears on our kids that she will not do this again, that she really wants to be with me and grow old with me. How can i move on after finding this lal out ? how do i not just toss her to the curb ?!?!?! i am reaching out here to anyone who can help cause im on the ledge and going crazy here. Im not going to say i have been a saint in all of this, but i never cheated on her or did this on line ****. worst i did was get addicted to the computer and ignored her alot.

Please help anyone.... i need some real advice.


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## BigCasino (Jul 14, 2010)

53 views and no advice ??? help me out ppl plz.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She is a serial cheater. At this point you can't believe anything she says. Tell her that you are setting up an in depth polygraph test for her to take. Print out info on a local service and tell her that you scheduled it for when you get back home. I will wager that one of two things will happen. One, she will refuse to take it. Or she will fess up to more infidelity. Most likely she will fess up to more. Then it will be up to you. Remain married to a serial cheater (because she will do it again). Or find someone worthy of your love and commitment. I would also separate finances and get her to sign a post nup agreement. That's if you decide to stay. Just my opinion.


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## BigCasino (Jul 14, 2010)

were home now Init, and i told her more or less i needed time to think. I asked her why now tha ti know all does she want to make thi swork and she told me it is because she sees that i truly do care about her. I will be honest, i got addicted to on line games and i know i did neglect her. as for if i want it to work... i truly do not know. thx for the advice and ill bring up the lie detector when i see her tonight.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Why bother with a polygraph? She is a liar and a cheater. You can't trust her, and you never will be able to. Sorry. Harsh truth. But there it is.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

What the deal with the return of the OM?? Based on what he said she had to be talking to him. "I can't keep waiting" For what??? Call the guy up.....worse case he will deny everything but maybe he will be mad enough with your wife that he might just throw her under the wagon. Also is he married??


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## BigCasino (Jul 14, 2010)

hes single and cant call him, hes in the military stationed over seas. he popped up a few months ago, and looking at FB it was he who hunted for my wife. since facebook doesnt keep old conversations i can never 100% know what was said. 

As for what he was waiting for i can imagine it was to the tune of " are you going to leave your husband and try to be with me". i asked her if that was it and of course she says no it wasnt. i said what was it then, and again i get i dont remember. she attributes the lack of memory due to the very busy work / home life she has.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Your wife is not to be trusted. She dribbles out this sickening "truth" to you in bitesize pieces designed to minimize your reaction to her sleaziness.

If I were you, I'd get away from her. Her serial cheating is so ingrained in her persona that she will never stop.

She discovered that all she has to do is lie really well and cover her tracks and she can do whatever she wants to do.

In her mind the only screw up is that someone else messed up in covering the tracks.

Your wife is not remorseful. She does not respect you.


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## BigCasino (Jul 14, 2010)

so i brought up the lie detector and she gave me a flat out no, then agrued, then said fine ill take it, but then told me shes afraid shes going to **** it up and give a false positive. i jsut told her that she takes it or were divorcing, she said she will take it but worried about giving false positive and afraid i will leave no matter what. i said if your telling me the truth then we can work it out, but if there is more then we can not. then it went more loud words and i ended with she will have divorce papers waiting for her when she gets home and me and the kids iwll be gone by this weekend. im done.. thx for the advice all.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Sorry to hear it, but that's what I thought. Instead of "Yes, anything!" She comes back with "no!" and the "I'm worried about a false positive". She will now come back with more trickle truth. I do suggest you separate finances immediately. Shut her off from any credit cards and file for divorce (whether you go through with it or not. You need to do this so she can't run up anymore debt on you.) Is she a stay at home mom (SAHM)? She will not let you leave, so be prepared for more of her admissions. From the what you wrote about him asking her to choose, pretty much proves that this is an on going affair. But don't be surprised that there are more men involved. Keep coming here for support. It helps.


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