# I need help!!!



## inh (Dec 5, 2011)

Let's see where do I start? 
I have only been married since August but my husband and I have a 2 year old together. My husband has never had a steady job other than working odd jobs for his dad. I have always worked full time and have paid everything but I am seriously having a really hard time staying a float. My husband has been out of work for quite a while now. I ask him if he has looked for any jobs but he gets mad at me and tells me not to start a fight although I am asking in a total "non fighting" way. He said that he wanted to stay home with our son (which I am fine with) but he refuses to do the cleaning, cooking etc that goes with the stay at home parent job. The only job that he has even talked about it leaving our home to go and work with his dad again which is 120 miles away. I have told him that I am okay with that idea but I feel that he should use that as his last resort. Expecially now during the winter it is really hard because we live out in the middle of no where on a ranch and I have to start fires when I get home and by the time a pick up our son from daycare and drive 30 miles to get home it's already dark. My family is telling me all kids of stuff about how this is not right. I know it's not right but I hoped that he would realize that we need more than one income. But he is happy doing nothing all day. I don't know what to do and I am feeling really bad. I have even thought to myself that I could get a second job but how would that be fair? I pay our cell phones, and his car insurance. Something has got to give.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

stop supporting him. kick him out. set conditions for your marriage and consequences for not meeting them. if he isnt making any money, he should be taking care of the house and kids. if he isnt doing that either, you might as well be living alone.

is he bipolar?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

why is your kid in day care? if your husband stays home all day, leave him with the kid. its cheaper and it may motivate him to go get a job.


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## inh (Dec 5, 2011)

My son is in daycare becuase I fear that my husband will get a job and then we will lose our spot in daycare. There are only 2 daycare's in our area and I had to reserve a spot 5 months in advance. I wouldn't mind my husband being the stay at home dad but when my son was first born my husbabd stayed at home with him for nearly a year which was great but then he decided that he had to have a job and gave me a weeks notice to find a daycare. I found a daycare that was 50 miles from work and had to leave extra early and got home extra late. The daycare my son is in now is in the town that I work in. 
I do love my husband (obviously) I just don't understand his lack of work ethic. I was rasied that no matter what the job is you work it until you find another one. (Especially in this economy and the small rural community that we live in. You just can't quit a job because you seriously may not find another one). My husband had a job for a while but he hated it and all he did was complain about it. He finally just stopped showing up. He didn't call and quit or anything. (I was really upset at this because I had actually worked this same job when I was off of college for the summer and it was hard work but it wasn't hard, if that makes sense?) 
I am looking for advice to motivate him. I really try to be supportive and I really try hard not to nag about it but sometimes I'm like "Come on dude, get on the ball already."


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## inh (Dec 5, 2011)

is he bipolar?[/QUOTE said:


> No I don't believe he is bipolar?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

motivation? kick him out and file for divorce proceedings... i bet that would motivate him. 

you cant really make him change. if he wants to be a stay at home dad, then he needs to be a stay at home dad and do the work that that entails. right now he is loafing and living off of you. decide what you are willing to live with and set some ground rules down. if he wants to have some say in how things are run, then he needs to put forth some effort.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The only thing that will motivate him is to tell him that he has three choices. 

1) keep the house, yard, do the grocery shopping, and have dinner ready when you get home from work. Basically he needs to do all domestic duties.

2) Find a job, any job. He has a month to do that.

3) Or he moves out. 

And this is because you will not support a loafer.

If you don't do something drastic like this he will not get that you are serious.


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

Pay our cell phones and HIS insurance? He wouldn't have a cell phone or insurance on my dime and he's chillin'. Maybe that would motivate him to get a job.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> The only thing that will motivate him is to tell him that he has three choices.
> 
> 1) keep the house, yard, do the grocery shopping, and have dinner ready when you get home from work. Basically he needs to do all domestic duties.
> 
> ...


:smthumbup:


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Surprise!!! you married a loaf of spongecake.
Sucks to find these things out after emotionally and financially invested.
Where the he// are these guys coming from? Daddy didnt raise you to know your main priority in life is to support your family??
Sit on my asss all day, stay with the kids, and NOT clean or cook or nothing?? Geeezzz.... I'd chase him out of the house with a length of garden hose...


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Sounds like his dad has some type of work Why dont you discuss the matter with him and if you have done what does he say. I would think he is the main one to impress upon your H. You say you dont mind him being at home and acting as a housewife. YOUR MISTAKE. Never tell a husband that. He wont act as the housewife but will do nothing as you have seen.


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