# 13 Years and Trying to hang in



## WindChat (Oct 31, 2009)

My wife turned 40 and decided her work gave her more pleasure than being a wife or mother. She just wanted to go to work and then out with her "work family" after work. She said she liked that she got rewarded at work but at home she didn't. She is finally in counceling. Doesn't help that I have been out of work for 7 months. She wants no sex and I know people are going to say she is cheating on me but I don't think it's that easy.

Here is what I have concluded (not saying this doesn't apply to men but I am just talking about women): Women will do anything to get a man because they are afraid of ending up alone. My wife always has had a low sex drive and told me early in our relationship that it hurt previous realtionships. She also felt inferior to her friends in high school who were better looking so I think she worked harder at sex to attract and keep guys. She said in the past she has kept relationships going just because she didn't want to sleep alone. I think women also want a guy with a good salary and a future because they want that security.

At some point a sucessful women finds that "hey I make good money and can take care of myself". That is when my wife stopped trying sexually and she felt resentfull that she started making more money than I. She forgets that she wanted to stay home with the kids for a couple of years so for awhile I made all the money that she saw as both of ours but now her money is her money. At this point the touching stops. Remember the scene in "Somethign to talk about" when Dennis Quad says something like "when was the last time you even touched me?". I have thought about that alot. At some point my wife stopped putting her hand on my shoulder or on my knee or anywhere. I'm not talking sexual.

My wife has said things like she thinks about her employees more that her family because she worries about them. Bull, she puts more energy into her work because she has control and it's easier and she gets rewarded. 

She has finally gone to counceling but it may be too late for us. I miss who she used to be and it is hard to accept that she doesn't get the satisfaction from our kids who are really great. I think I am close to getting back to work and we are trying to sell the house and move into a condo because she has no interest in the big house anymore and I think it would be easier to maintain for both of us (the answer is yes I do the housework because I am out of work). Sometimes I wonder if she is really has ever loved anyone or is just a user. 

It's been a hard year but whatever happens I know I will be ok and I can raise the kids by myself if needbe. They deserve alot better though.


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## wantosaveit (Oct 17, 2009)

M


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## wantosaveit (Oct 17, 2009)

MY husband left me lots this year - and we are now separated - its not a rosy future for the children - why dont you try to get her involved with doing things with your children - think about things you use to do when you were in love ??? Dont split up its not good forthe children - mine are devisated dad isnt home - i cry them to sleep most nights and myself - try to recindle the feelings and make it last forever - i never thought my husband would leave me but he did. take care and keep on loving


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## aj1217 (Mar 25, 2009)

My wife and I have been together for thirteen years, In the first two years of the marriage she couldn't get enough of me after I told her I loved her suddently she had a low sex drive. She also feels the need to be validated at work, and by her work family. What I want to tell you is don't for a second believe that she would not cheat on you. My wife would tell me all the time that "just because she didn''t want sex from me doesn't mean she was getting it somewhere else or "that it was her issue not mine". I and this has been going on for awhile I'm in the same boat as you as far as jobs are concerned, but still try to do as much as I can to earn my keep. I found out recently that four years ago she was cheating on me with my best friend they were having sex at least once a week and even manage to spend the night together, when I was laid up in the hospital. So don't believe for a second she not cable of it, and you need to make sure that you get your time or you get out. Do not lose youself because of this woman.


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