# Marriage is in trouble, counseling needed but unavailable



## DadTwinJJ (Oct 26, 2020)

I’m considering leaving my wife because of disagreements involving parenting and intimacy. We desperately need couples counseling but because of Covid, no marriage counselor has been willing to meet us in person. Most of them seem eager to convince us to try a remote option, but on some level, I get the impression that even they themselves know that this would be minimally effective and just want to take our money.

I can see how individual therapy can be almost just as effective remotely. But I also feel like couples therapy requires a therapist to monitor body language and microexpressions and the interplay between two people sitting in front of them. Remote therapy makes it almost impossible to do this. 

Is remote couples counseling even worth it? Or will it just drain our bank accounts? Have any of you tried it?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I answered the same question on your other thread


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

We got a lot out of our Zoom MC. Try it before you lose your marriage.


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## st5555 (Dec 7, 2019)

DadTwinJJ said:


> I’m considering leaving my wife because of disagreements involving parenting and intimacy. We desperately need couples counseling but because of Covid, no marriage counselor has been willing to meet us in person. Most of them seem eager to convince us to try a remote option, but on some level, I get the impression that even they themselves know that this would be minimally effective and just want to take our money.
> 
> I can see how individual therapy can be almost just as effective remotely. But I also feel like couples therapy requires a therapist to monitor body language and microexpressions and the interplay between two people sitting in front of them. Remote therapy makes it almost impossible to do this.
> 
> Is remote couples counseling even worth it? Or will it just drain our bank accounts? Have any of you tried it?


My wife and I are in joint counseling via Zoom. Works great. The therapist's office is about 50 miles from us, but that doesn't matter. The therapist mentions the state of our body language often, so it does transfer through the camera.

To find a therapist I went to the Psychology Today dot com site and searched using a filter which showed only those which would accept the insurance we have. The sessions don't cost us anything out of pocket.

The sessions have been very effective, and I am very glad I don't have to drive anywhere for the meetings but get to sit in comfort in our living room. At the beginning, she'd see us separately to get to know each of us, after a few weeks we started doing joint sessions. At this time my wife and I see her separately once a week and as a couple once a week. 

It's been very effective and worthwhile and, in the future, I'd always pick remote sessions as they work well and I don't see any advantage in wasting time and money driving to some remote location.

Good luck in your search, I hope everything works out well for you and your wife.


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## DadTwinJJ (Oct 26, 2020)

This is a really helpful and reassuring response, thank you! At the rate of three times a week, it’s really surprising that any insurance would cover such a thing. May I ask what insurance you have?



st5555 said:


> My wife and I are in joint counseling via Zoom. Works great. The therapist's office is about 50 miles from us, but that doesn't matter. The therapist mentions the state of our body language often, so it does transfer through the camera.
> 
> To find a therapist I went to the Psychology Today dot com site and searched using a filter which showed only those which would accept the insurance we have. The sessions don't cost us anything out of pocket.
> 
> ...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DadTwinJJ said:


> I’m considering leaving my wife because of disagreements involving parenting and intimacy. We desperately need couples counseling but because of Covid, no marriage counselor has been willing to meet us in person. Most of them seem eager to convince us to try a remote option, but on some level, I get the impression that even they themselves know that this would be minimally effective and just want to take our money.
> 
> I can see how individual therapy can be almost just as effective remotely. But I also feel like couples therapy requires a therapist to monitor body language and microexpressions and the interplay between two people sitting in front of them. Remote therapy makes it almost impossible to do this.
> 
> Is remote couples counseling even worth it? Or will it just drain our bank accounts? Have any of you tried it?


Remote therapy works just fine. I do agree that they need to monitor body language, etc. but if you set up the camera properly, he/she can do that remotely. Why not work on getting your camera set up to take in both of you side by side sitting on the couch or in chairs together where you can see you from head to toe? You might have to get some advice on boosting the microphone or have a wifi one so you can keep it on both of you instead of only being able to use the device with the camera for audio. Courts and deposing attorneys are still just putting the person's face on camera, though. You could talk about it with the new therapist.


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## st5555 (Dec 7, 2019)

DadTwinJJ said:


> This is a really helpful and reassuring response, thank you! At the rate of three times a week, it’s really surprising that any insurance would cover such a thing. May I ask what insurance you have?


We are over 65, so we are on Medicare with Aetna as a rider to pick up the portions Medicare doesn't cover.
We use a webcam connected to a laptop so we can position the camera a bit of a distance from us so it sees both of us easily. I don't think you'd get much spread with a laptops built-in camera.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

this seems to be 100% YOUR problem.
EVERYONE is doing zoom calls, etc, to get things done. Just because you think "i might not like it" does not cut it. put on your big boy pants and arrange a zoom call consultation with a counselor. Sorry, no sympathy here for your reluctance to do what needs to be done.

the alternative is...like you said, the end of your marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Please refer to the following post as this thread is being closed as a duplicate









Is remote couples counseling worth it?


We’ve been trying to get into marriage counseling for the past year and a half but Covid has made this nearly impossible to do in person. I’m aware that individual therapy can be almost just as effective remotely as in person. But it seems like marriage counseling requires a special kind of...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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