# Love wife but not in love, can’t stop thinking about other girls



## Kristaosporzingiz (11 mo ago)

Hello all, I married my wife in June 2020, this June will be 2 years. We dated for less than a year before getting married. We have a 2 year old boy and she is currently pregnant with our next child, a girl, due in July. I love my son like crazy and am sure I will feel the same about our daughter. From the beginning of our relationship I never felt head over heels in love with my wife but was attracted to her enough and think she is very smart and wise and has a good personality. We are quite different in some ways though, she is very religious and into the Bible and Jesus and I am not so much. I like going out and drinking and having fun and did this a lot before getting serious with her. I miss dating and meeting girls I found super attractive, but hated the games I felt those type of girls played and this wasn’t the case with my wife which I liked. We have a great house that I love, we both had animals that all live together now which are close. I realize I have it good. But for some reason I can’t stop thinking about other girls that I find incredibly sexy and attractive. One girl I used to work with, another I went to grade school with, I would love to be able to talk to either of them or potentially date and feel extreme sexual attraction to both, and other girls I knew from when I was single. Seeing that these girls are single makes me want to talk to them so bad but I know I shouldn’t and would feel terrible hurting me wife who loves me very much and don’t want to mess up the family for my kids. I know I’m not the only one who has felt this way and am wondering how other married men deal with this. I try to focus on other things, business ideas and making more money, etc but always find myself feeling interested in other girls again. I often have dreams of meeting and dating other girls I’m very attracted to and it feels so great in my dreams and I wake and am almost sad that it’s not real. I miss that feeling of excitement and being incredibly in love with someone and wanting to do anything sexually with someone I’m extremely attracted to. My options are to stay married and try and find those feelings for my wife, maybe it will be easier when she is not pregnant again. And try to focus on other things and realize how much I love my kids and that I have a great happy life. Or try to talk to these girls, play the annoying dating games I don’t like to play, and potentially mess up my family if I actually did start seriously talking to someone else. I know what I should do but cannot stop feeling the desire to talk to other girls that I am just insanely attracted to in every way, and the dreams won’t stop. What should I do? I need some good advice on how to handle these feelings I have towards other girls that I don’t have for my wife. Thank you


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Why did you get her pregnant a 2nd time if you are not sure you still love your wife?
that seems incredibly dumb? you are going to be looking as child support for a 2nd child now it you divorce her.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Other men deal with it by not marrying and having multiple children with women they aren't crazy about.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i think you had better work on TRYING to fall in love with her, now that you have a full family.

what is it about her that initially made you want to marry her? her looks? Her personality? the hot sex?
whatever thatever that was, take it, run with it, and see if you can make it sufficient to start getting horny for her, and eventually maybe even loving her. Otherwise you are going to have a pretty poor future


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Get therapy for yourself to help you navigate through this. Do not talk to the other girls. If you do, you will be ending your marriage in the most underhanded and hurtful way you can. Read some of these threads to help understand what infidelity does to the betrayed spouse. Is that what your wife deserves. Is that the type of man you are. If you can't get past this, divorce your wife and leave her in the best possible situation you can. Then pursue your single life. You might fool yourself into thinking that talking to these other women isn't cheating, but we all know it is. You know full well your goal is to have sex with them. You are asking if you should be a standup man or a cheater. You tell us, who are you.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I feel so sad for your wife. She deserves better.


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## Chaotic_Aquarian (Feb 8, 2021)

Advice? Seek mental health counceling or legal councel. Hopefully both.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You post makes me want to cry for your wife. You made the decision to marry her, you made promises to her, you got her pregnant twice and yet just 2 years after you married you are wanting to have sex with other women. You have a child and another on the way yet even they aren't enough to stop you fantasizing about other women. 
In the end its your decision. Love your wife regardless of feelings, love your children and be a good dad regardless of your fantasies and stop acting like a single 15 year old. 
Destroy their lives for cheap sex or be a responsible committed father and husband. 
As my husband once said, adultery is just never worth it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

And don’t have any more children with someone you’re unsure about.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

The best thing that could happen to your wife would be to have someone lay a 2x4 up aside your head. You sir are a scumbag.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

The fact that you referred to woman as girls like 20 times in that post tells me you are a man-child and need to grow up. 

Instead of focusing on how you wanna bang other women, how about focus on what you are offering. 

Are you a good husband? Are you providing for your family? Are you a good father? Is your career on track?


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

My first thought is that the OP needs to grow up. He sounds like someone who travels to and from work on a skateboard.


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## Angie?or… (Nov 15, 2021)

Tested_by_stress said:


> My first thought is that the OP needs to grow up. He sounds like someone who travels to and from work on a skateboard.


Exactly this! You are now a husband and father. Grow up and act like it!!!!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Tested_by_stress said:


> My first thought is that the OP needs to grow up. He sounds like someone who travels to and from work on a skateboard.


Maybe no one ever told him that MARRIAGE IS HARD.
it can be good, but even in GREAT marriages, there are hard times....times you wondered why you got married. 
But there are things that make the marriage grow. doing things together that you both like. the sex. helping each other out. divying up the family work, so you do what you are good at, and the spouse does what she is good at. 
And one of the key things is to work on making sure your spouse turns you on! Figure out what makes YOU tick, and make sure your spouse is pushing those buttons!

And if the OP sticks around long enough, he will find that he enjoys playing and raising his two kids also!


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Agreeing with everything that's been said. There's another aspect as well:

Take responsibility for your married sex life. Learn how to make it so good, you'll be dreaming about her making your high school girlfriends look like hapless fools in the sack. 

You're not taking the lead here either way.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> Why did you get her pregnant a 2nd time if you are not sure you still love your wife?
> that seems incredibly dumb? you are going to be looking as child support for a 2nd child now it you divorce her.


this OP needs to pay child support and needs to pay support. He is a user. He is not marriage material and now he' thinking about damaging this young lady ? Good God, this OP is one of the worst I have ever seen here. I hope he gets major karma.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

You better stock up on lube while you can afford it for thr reaming I see coming with child support payments. Dude, you are going to be the guy eating those nasty free peanuts in the strip club at 12pm on a Wednesday because you are broke and hungry.

But seriously, why would you marry and have children with someone you clearly aren't compatible with? You also don't seem to have the maturity to be in a marriage or have children. I feel sorry for your wife. Was she desperate for a relationship and rush into marriage with you?


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Talker67 said:


> Maybe no one ever told him that MARRIAGE IS HARD.
> it can be good, but even in GREAT marriages, there are hard times....times you wondered why you got married.
> But there are things that make the marriage grow. doing things together that you both like. the sex. helping each other out. divying up the family work, so you do what you are good at, and the spouse does what she is good at.
> And one of the key things is to work on making sure your spouse turns you on! Figure out what makes YOU tick, and make sure your spouse is pushing those buttons!
> ...


There is something I want to say about this. If any marriage is hard and you have to work at it all the time to keep it going, then maybe the two people in the marriage aren't meant for each other and are in denial about it .

There are of course bumps and bad moments. But two people who are married should have enough compatible chemistry that everything mostly flows in a positive direction.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Sounds like you moved very fast to snare and trap her. Speedy marriage, pregnancy, another pregnancy all in the space of two years. She’s smart, she’s got morals, and I bet she’s also a lot more attractive than the girls you’re wanting to sleep with. I am pretty sure that they’re quite a step down. You’re very smart, cunningly so.

You know she’s not going to leave, don’t you.

And you know the side pieces aren’t marriage material, because they’d bleed your wallet, fast. But you can sleep with them, flirt with them, and your wife won’t leave, right?

Given how busy she is… is she still allowed to see her friends and family?


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Luckylucky said:


> Sounds like you moved very fast to snare and trap her. Speedy marriage, pregnancy, another pregnancy all in the space of two years. She’s smart, she’s got morals, and I bet she’s also a lot more attractive than the girls you’re wanting to sleep with. I am pretty sure that they’re quite a step down. You’re very smart, cunningly so.
> 
> You know she’s not going to leave, don’t you.
> 
> ...


I wish you were wrong about this for the poor lady he married, but I feel like you nailed it with what you said. 

This lady he married is probably firmly attached and committed to him. She probably wakes up daily feeling blessed and no clue that he doesn't really care about her and he is on the verge of sleeping around with sleazy bar chicks while she awaits the new baby and the other kid is wondering where dad is.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You married a good woman who’s giving you 2 kids but yet you’re yearning to be out with perpetually single girls. With your very opposite personalities and beliefs, I suspect your wife was drawn to what she felt was your bad boy personality and now she’s potentially going to get burned for it. Btw, when I say you’re a bad boy, I’m say relative to what she’s was probably surrounded by. 

I’m going to strongly suggest that you work on being there for your family and avoid the temptation of looking at any of these girls’ social media. I went through some of what your dealing with after my wife gave birth to our 2nd kid. She was overly tired and sex and emotionally closeness was a very low priority. I was a complete POS. Pursuing a coworker, while wife was at home with newborn and an 18 month old. I think back to that time with great shame. But don’t worry, 5 years later the karma bus caught up with me. Please heed my warning, there is no girl hot enough to make betraying the mother of your kids worth it.

Pregnancy saps a woman’s energy. Combined with raising a 2 year old, she’s is beat. Instead of sweating these other girls, double down on being there for your wife. Spend more time with your son and help around the house. She’s going through a roller coaster of emotions and needs her man to be her rock. 

You have a diamond at home but are obsessing over cubic zirconia. Cut it out. Remember that Love is a verb not just a feeling. Now get busy earning your wife’s love.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I wish you were wrong about this for the poor lady he married, but I feel like you nailed it with what you said.
> 
> This lady he married is probably firmly attached and committed to him. She probably wakes up daily feeling blessed and no clue that he doesn't really care about her and he is on the verge of sleeping around with sleazy bar chicks while she awaits the new baby and the other kid is wondering where dad is.


Note: He’s looking for other married men who’ve dealt with this. Which is code for ‘pm me for how I can get away with this’. Descriptive post… about how to stay married and descriptive posts about sexy women.

Wife pregnant and barefoot.

But I could be wrong, and she’s got a stable job, supportive social network and loving family, and a buff brother, and some buff uncles.

And that he’s more looking for married men to give him tips on how to find the spark with his wife. (No.)


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

"What should I do"?

You have one child and another on the way. Time to grow the F up!!

Nobody put a pistol to your head and forced you to marry this woman or have kids with her. "I like drinking and going out and having fun"? So maybe it might behoove you to divorce your wife so you can go party and drink and this way your wife is free to meet a man who truly loves her and wants to spend time with her over partying and drinking. Your kids need a responsible father and it doesn't appear you're that man.

A question you need to ask yourself as well. There's always going to be attractive women crossing your path. Is meeting these women and going out and drinking and having fun more important than these two children you've been blessed with along with an incredible wife who is the mother of these children??

Stop thinking with your D and start being grateful that you have a woman who's "smart, wise, and has a great personality" and is grounded in her faith. Stop looking at what you think you're missing out on and be grateful for what you have. 

Don't try to fill the 10% of your life you think you're missing at the expense of the 90% you already have!!


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

I recommend aversion therapy. Every time thoughts arise about these other "girls", punch yourself in the tallywhacker. Oh, and maybe try going to church with your wife.

On a much more important note: Which is better? Crystal, Louisiana, Texas Pete, or Tabasco?


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Your M is coming to an end before it really got started. 
And, your W has no idea of the luke warm feelings you have for her and the hots you have for all the rest. 

Admit it: you're out and don't really want this relationship anymore, if you could just find the right exit. The hot girls will help end it all for you. 

I'd wish you the pro forma best of luck, but not really. You are wrecking so many lives.


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## Chaotic_Aquarian (Feb 8, 2021)

AandM said:


> I recommend aversion therapy. Every time thoughts arise about these other "girls", punch yourself in the tallywhacker. Oh, and maybe try going to church with your wife.
> 
> On a much more important note: Which is better? Crystal, Louisiana, Texas Pete, or Tabasco?


Crystal, always!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

thunderchad said:


> The fact that you referred to woman as girls like 20 times in that post tells me you are a man-child and need to grow up.
> 
> Instead of focusing on how you wanna bang other women, how about focus on what you are offering.
> 
> Are you a good husband? Are you providing for your family? Are you a good father? Is your career on track?


His whole post shows he is not a good husband.


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## pippo (Jan 12, 2022)

Forget solving this with therapy and marriage "counseling". These have been proven to be nothing other that sham solutions to ailing marriages. They are mired in a circle of milking the system. Like drugs- the courts, police, "rehab" centers, pharmacies, a circle that preys on victims. How to solve the dilemma of the OP, have no idea. he has to find his way. But I will not shame him. Pity is more appropriate. Wish him luck in his battle in our culture.


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

Lucasgc3321 said:


> Hello all, I married my wife in June 2020, this June will be 2 years. We dated for less than a year before getting married. We have a 2 year old boy and she is currently pregnant with our next child, a girl, due in July.


So you got married because she was pregnant?

Regardless, doesn't excuse the fact you are married and are now planning on a second child. You can either choose to honor your vows and grow your love for your wife, or you can divorce and pursue your dream of bangin' hot women. Door C, where you sneak around on the side, will damage not only your wife but the children you claim to love so much.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Lucasgc3321 said:


> We are quite different in some ways though, she is very religious and into the Bible and Jesus and *I am not so much*.


You have been blessed beyond measure and don't even realize it! Her mistake was marrying someone who she isn't compatible with. A lot of time women think they can "fix' the guy they are attracted to. Huge mistake.

Why did you date and marry a person you are incompatible with? Two little kids, a devoted wife and you are wishing you were single so you can fool around. Why didn't you just stay single? Because you don't like the dating hassle?


Lucasgc3321 said:


> *What should I do? *I need some good advice on how to handle these feelings I have towards other girls that I don’t have for my wife.


Chasing after other women when you are married is EVIL!!! And evil begets more evil without limit.

Here is my advice. Listen to your wife. Spend some time reading with her. Spend time with her going places she enjoys going, on Sunday in particular. You can be changed, in the twinkling of an eye, but can't change yourself.


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