# Secret STD



## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

At this point it really doesn't matter but I'd like to get everyones opinion.

My ex and I are now officially divorced thanks to her affair and her general attitude. About 2 years before she began having her affair, she admitted to me that she had an STD and had had it since before we were married (15 years at that point). I wasn't mad about the STD but was extremely disturbed that she had hidden this from me since we began dating in 1989. She claims that she thought I wouldn't have married her if she had revealed the truth (which is not true). She held this secret thru the entire marriage and thru 2 child births. At the time she told me, things were not good between us. A lot of distance and silence. Looking back I really have to wonder if she really had the STD all that time or if she'd had an earlier affair and had contracted it.

Like I said, it really doesn't matter anymore but things like this stick in my head and I really have to wonder.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Do you mind sharing what she std was? Not to get too personal I just can't see how see would be able to hide the std for so long. I know there some that women find out about later like hpv that laid dormant for years w/o symptoms, but 15 years seems a long time. I'm inclined to believe it came from the affair.

ETA did you go to the prenatal appointments? Seems impossible to get around hiding it during pregnancy due to risk to the babies.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Having an STD and not telling your partner is criminal, in my mind.

My wife did a similar thing. She had an affair 3 years ago, but led me to believe it was "just" an EA. When she finally admitted it physical (just recently admitted and after we had separated) I asked her about STD risk. I was astounded when she said she is tested by her doctor every time they take blood or urine. Where we live, you don't get tested during routine lab checks unless you ask. I have been monogamous for 26 years, since I fell in love with my wife. I had never been tested.

Then, cleaning out her office, I found an old prescription record and it had a hell of a lot of anti-biotics over the past 2 years. Now, she was sick a few times with pneumonia, but some of them were at totally different times and were of the type used to treat certain STDs. That doen't prove she had one, but she never told me and we contined to have sex fairly regularly.

So I know the outrage of being put at risk by a partner who is so wrapped up in their selfish affairs that they don't tell the one person they really HAVE to tell.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Depends...sometimes things like HPV or even Herpes lie dormant for years, which would make it very easy to hide or to 'forget' about.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

It was herpes. She claims that she's known about it since before we were married. Claims that she dated a few guys and isn't sure which one gave it to her.

Yes, I went to many of the prenatal appointments and it was never mentioned. Our first child was extremely complicated. He was born 5 weeks premature. I was VERY involved with her appointments and doctor visits. She did go to quite a few without me though.

5 years ago was about the time I started asking her if she was happy or if she was considering divorce. She never seemed to be happy. Makes me wonder if she did indeed have another affair that she was very careful to hide.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> It was herpes. She claims that she's known about it since before we were married. Claims that she dated a few guys and isn't sure which one gave it to her.
> 
> Yes, I went to many of the prenatal appointments and it was never mentioned. Our second child was extremely complicated. He was born 5 weeks premature. I was VERY involved with her appointments and doctor visits. She did go to quite a few without me though.
> 
> 5 years ago was about the time I started asking her if she was happy or if she was considering divorce. She never seemed to be happy. Makes me wonder if she did indeed have another affair that she was very careful to hide.


Maybe DNA the kids just so you know?


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Having an STD and not telling your partner is criminal, in my mind.
> 
> My wife did a similar thing. She had an affair 3 years ago, but led me to believe it was "just" an EA. When she finally admitted it physical (just recently admitted and after we had separated) I asked her about STD risk. I was astounded when she said she is tested by her doctor every time they take blood or urine. Where we live, you don't get tested during routine lab checks unless you ask. I have been monogamous for 26 years, since I fell in love with my wife. I had never been tested.
> 
> ...


I agree, I wasn't mad about what she disclosed only WHEN !!

6 months ago I asked her if she told her affair partner that she had an STD. Her reply..........."it's none of his business".


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Maybe DNA the kids just so you know?


My kids are 15 and 18. No chance there.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

tom67 said:


> Maybe DNA the kids just so you know?


What does it matter? Once kids are over a year or two old, the husband has to support them anyway. All a DNA test would do is to confirm that you are legally required to support another man's child. How could that possibly help anything?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> What does it matter? Once kids are over a year or two old, the husband has to support them anyway. All a DNA test would do is to confirm that you are legally required to support another man's child. How could that possibly help anything?


Of course it doesn't matter he is legally the father and will always be the father but for future medical reasons for THEM it could be important that's all.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

My kids are my kids. Let's not go there. There was NO trouble between my ex and I back then.

I'm just wondering how people think about hiding an STD from their partner for 15+ years. It just doesn't make sense to me. I can't imagine hiding that from my wife. It just makes more sense to me that she got an STD from an undisclosed affair that she had sometime before she told me about the STD. She's always been very private about her health matters but REALLY? 15 years?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Main thing is, of course...none of this matters at this point. My guess is that she got it from a previous affair, or that the PA you know about actually started earlier than you think.

Anything is possible, but I find it hard to believe that she could have kept this a secret through 15+ years and two childbirths.



cantdecide said:


> ...asked her if she told her affair partner that she had an STD. Her reply..........."it's none of his business".


Hard to feel sorry for the POSOM, but yeah, sucks for him.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Main thing is, of course...none of this matters at this point. My guess is that she got it from a previous (and somewhat recent) affair, or that the PA you know about actually started earlier than you think.
> 
> Anything is possible, but I find it hard to believe that she could have kept this a secret through 15+ years and two childbirths.
> 
> ...


Feel sorry for him? hahaha. Since she's been with him he's been hit by the karma bus. Intestinal bypass surgery to lose weight, gallbladder removed and a ruptured ulcer. Add the risk of an STD in there..............still don't feel for him.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> Feel sorry for him? hahaha. Since she's been with him he's been hit by the karma bus. Intestinal bypass surgery to lose weight, gallbladder removed and a ruptured ulcer. Add the risk of an STD in there..............still don't feel for him.


I love that karma bus ex and bf end it after 1 year aww too bad lol


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Also, since it's herpes, chances are that you'd have contracted it by now...I think she got it in an affair.

If she had it before the kids were born, she'd have had to fess up. Herpes can be transmitted during a vaginal birth, causing severe birth defects...is she THAT selfish?


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Also, since it's herpes, chances are that you'd have contracted it by now...I think she got it in an affair.
> 
> If she had it before the kids were born, she'd have had to fess up. Herpes can be transmitted during a vaginal birth, causing severe birth defects...is she THAT selfish?


Yes, she's THAT selfish. I do remember her being very private, trying to go to her prenatal visits by herself. I still can't imagine both her and the doctor hiding that fact from me.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> Feel sorry for him? hahaha. Since she's been with him he's been hit by the karma bus. .


I FN love karma bus stories.:smthumbup:


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I agree - she got it after the kids were born. Only told you because she felt it was going to come out.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> Yes, she's THAT selfish. I do remember her being very private, trying to go to her prenatal visits by herself. I still can't imagine both her and the doctor hiding that fact from me.


That's disgusting!


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> If she had it before the kids were born, she'd have had to fess up. Herpes can be transmitted during a vginal birth, causing severe birth defects...is she THAT selfish?


Going by memory...I think W was tested for it (we're both clear) during prenatal visits, with the thought that a mother with herp should get a C-section to avoid what you posted.

Did she have a C for both kids?


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Going by memory...I think W was tested for it (we're both clear) during prenatal visits, with the thought that a mother with herp should get a C-section to avoid what you posted.
> 
> Did she have a C for both kids?


Neither.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> Neither.


Then...that may answer your question, unless I'm wrong on this herp/prenatal/C-section thing. 

Somebody correct me if I'm wrong.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Going by memory...I think W was tested for it (we're both clear) during prenatal visits, with the thought that a mother with herp should get a C-section to avoid what you posted.
> 
> Did she have a C for both kids?


I don't specifically know if it's herpes or not but I believe you are correct in regards to c section and stds. I was tested and I remember the dr. Saying something about having to have a c section as it stds can pass through the birth canal or something like that. I didn't have to worry about it do I didn't look too much into. But that's why I thought it would be hard for the OP's wife to hide during pregnancy.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

A doctor is bound by oath not to disclose a patient's medical history, isn't he/she? That would be a reason for your W's secrecy during prenatal visits...But I still find it difficult to believe that you wouldn't have contracted it during your marriage, unless you already have it and are asymptomatic? Did she ever try to avoid being intimate with you?


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> A doctor is bound by oath not to disclose a patient's medical history, isn't he/she? That would be a reason for your W's secrecy during prenatal visits...But I still find it difficult to believe that you wouldn't have contracted it during your marriage, unless you already have it and are asymptomatic? Did she ever try to avoid being intimate with you?


Nope, I've been recently tested. 

We were married for almost 20 years. Avoid being intimate at times? Yeah (note the heavy sarcasm).

I know that if she told her doctor not to disclose herpes that he/she would be bound by that request. I just find it VERY difficult to believe that especially with our first child which was sooo difficult, that she would continue to hide this.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> A doctor is bound by oath not to disclose a patient's medical history, isn't he/she? That would be a reason for your W's secrecy during prenatal visits...But I still find it difficult to believe that you wouldn't have contracted it during your marriage, unless you already have it and are asymptomatic? Did she ever try to avoid being intimate with you?


I forgot about that. You're right a dr. cannot disclose. So she could have made up any excuse if she had a c-section, but the fact that she had them the natural way makes me believe it happened after the kids. I could be wrong about the CS and std thing.

What I don't understand is it seems worse to me to say she hid for 15 years rather than saying she got it from the affair. I don't know your story OP, but it has me wondering what the truth is.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Well, OP, if you're in the clear, and you're rid of this selfish woman, then all the better. As you stated in your thread opener, it doesn't really matter at this point. Best wishes.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

TrustInUs said:


> I forgot about that. You're right a dr. cannot disclose. So she could have made up any excuse if she had a c-section, but the fact that she had them the natural way makes me believe it happened after the kids. I could be wrong about the CS and std thing.
> 
> What I don't understand is it seems worse to me to say she hid for 15 years rather than saying she got it from the affair. I don't know your story OP, but it has me wondering what the truth is.


I'll give you a timeline.

Married in 1992
First child 1994
Second child 1997
Disclosed STD somewhere around 2008 (really fuzzy on the time)
Feb. 2010 began affair.
August 2010 affair was busted open
Separated July 2011
Divorced in Sept 2012


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Well, OP, if you're in the clear, and you're rid of this selfish woman, then all the better. As you stated in your thread opener, it doesn't really matter at this point. Best wishes.


You're right, it doesn't matter. We're divorced and I avoid ALL contact with her if possible. Doesn't make a bit of difference.

It's just one of those nagging little things in the back of my head. I just can't imagine keeping a secret like that from my spouse. Not for 15+ years.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

michzz said:


> None of you can say definitively that she hid the STD since before the OP married her or if she contracted it more recently.
> 
> Herpes is a virus that can go dormant or even have no visible lesions.
> 
> ...


No, I'm not infected. Was tested recently for everything.

You're right. Had I been untrusting when it was disclosed I could've asked to see medical records from when she first found out she was infected. But at the time of disclosure, I had NO reason to question her explanation. I will NEVER know.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> 6 months ago I asked her if she told her affair partner that she had an STD. Her reply..........."it's none of his business".


Not his bussiness means I won't get anything by disclosing it. This is a sociopath like though process but well if she never thought of giving you that info after years of marriage why should her respect more the man she was cheating with? 
Sure enough she thought the same about you: not your bussiness, I won't risk not getting what I want by disclosing it (marrying you). Moral compass missing here.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

cantdecide said:


> I know that if she told her doctor not to disclose herpes that he/she would be bound by that request.


Actually, it's the other way around. A doctor can not legally disclose health information unless specifically instructed by the patient to do so. And during pregnancy, the OB's patient is the mother and her fetus. So complicated birth or not.....this is all on her.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

It's outrageous that she didn't tell you she had Herpes - the gift that keeps on giving.

I am waiting for my test results - and every time I think about it, I get angry. Talk about selfish - exposing their spouse to every and all partners their POS affair partners had.

Unbelievably selfish.


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## FryFish (Sep 18, 2012)

lol How many years does she expect you to believe she had it but didnt pass it along to you?


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

I tested positive for HPV thirteen years into our marriage, next year it had cleared. He still only admits to a ONS BJ five years prior. Right...

Was it humiliating being a naive married SAHM and being told I had HPV? Yep. Unbelievable he'd not use a condom.


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## gemjo (Aug 24, 2012)

The reality of having unprotected sex is so scary.

To realise you have, in effect, slept with every single person that has slept with every single person, that has slept with every single person, it kind of goes on for eternity! 

If you sleep with one person, and that person has slept with 20 people, and each of them has slept with 20 people.....do the sums......frightening, and at some point, you are going to get something, and your poor spouse who has only ever slept with you, has now slept with ???? how many people have they unknowingly slept with now because you have cheated? 

And lets face it, people who cheat so easily are not careful, and not too fussy either, they are easy day after day!

Its a risk nobody should be prepared to take, not ever. For yourself and for your poor unsuspecting spouse who is believing they are 'clean' and no way could they ever have contracted anything like herpes, or HIV or HPV ......the STD list is unending.....not to mention the unwanted pregnancy aspect!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

It would be an interesting ethical & legal question for an MD orr medicall law expert. Herpes can be vvery damaging. If the doc fails to disclose to hubby, the doc is complicit in exposing hubby to a serious disease.

Knowledge of an affair or false paternity is not medical nor a health threat if the doc keeps the secret.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

You all are correct that a doctor cannot, by federal law, disclose private health information without consent of the patient. C-sections are not indicated unless there has been a recent outbreak of herpes at the time of onset of labor. Most docs prescribe an antiviral med during the last month to prevent these outbreaks; doesn't always work. The lies that patients sometimes tell make for some very awkward situations for the healthcare team.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> I tested positive for HPV thirteen years into our marriage, next year it had cleared.


Cleared? I assumed you'd have something like that for life?:scratchhead:


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

thunderstruck said:


> Cleared? I assumed you'd have something like that for life?:scratchhead:


Nope. There are something like 40 strains of HPV and the great majority of them are just a virus--like a cold or flu. The strain that leads to warts and I think a few of the others tend to stay with you, but otherwise your body fights it off like any other germ.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

COGypsy said:


> Nope. There are something like 40 strains of HPV and the great majority of them are just a virus--like a cold or flu. The strain that leads to warts and I think a few of the others tend to stay with you, but otherwise your body fights it off like any other germ.


I had the high risk strain that can lead to cancer. It was not a strain that produces warts. Had I never been tested I would have never known I even had it, no symptoms.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

There have been cases of people being criminally charged for being HIV positive and having unprotected sex...but I wouldn't think that something like Herpes or HPV would carry the same legal consequence as HIV? Anybody have any info?


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> There have been cases of people being criminally charged for being HIV positive and having unprotected sex...but I wouldn't think that something like Herpes or HPV would carry the same legal consequence as HIV? Anybody have any info?


I've read of a few cases being brought to court. Thing is, if they didn't know they were carrying the HPV???


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## Samus (Aug 28, 2012)

If someone has herpes they can still have natural childbirth without infecting the child. It is only during a breakout, or when she has the sores on her vagina is when the doctor will opt for C-section.

If she had natural child births then the kids are fine and she didn't have a herpes outbreak at the time. She may of had it before you or could of contracted it during affairs.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

hurtingbadly said:


> I've read of a few cases being brought to court. Thing is, if they didn't know they were carrying the HPV???


I've heard of people going to court over herpes, but I don't think I've ever heard of them going over HPV. I suppose you would have a case if you were both virgins when you got together. But since the infector might not even have the virus in their system by the time the case went to court, it could be a pretty flimsy case.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

COGypsy said:


> I've heard of people going to court over herpes, but I don't think I've ever heard of them going over HPV. I suppose you would have a case if you were both virgins when you got together. But since the infector might not even have the virus in their system by the time the case went to court, it could be a pretty flimsy case.


Ya, I wouldn't think it would hold up. But, I have read of a HPV case. I know shortly after my kids were born I had a pap come back abnormal. They did a HPV test and it was negative. Fast forward six years later I test positive for it. His ONS BJ happened in 2003, my suspicions on two other girls in 2006-2008. So, I'm no idiot. Well, obviously I was then.  I ordered my medical records. I can break this down in a divorce court if needed. If anything, to help prove my case he cheated. Don't think it would be for any other use. Now if I get cancer ten years down the road and I'm having to pay medical bills. That would bite.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

If i was in this position i would also have some reckoning moments with those doctors. Patient doctor privilege my a$$. When the health of others is at risk you have a moral obligation to tell them in whatever way you can.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

costa200 said:


> If i was in this position i would also have some reckoning moments with those doctors. Patient doctor privilege my a$$. When the health of others is at risk you have a moral obligation to tell them in whatever way you can.


From my experience, they want to stay as uninvolved as they can when it comes to STDs, marriages and cheating. That is why docs stay quiet.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> From my experience, they want to stay as uninvolved as they can when it comes to STDs, marriages and cheating. That is why docs stay quiet.


I understand that, but recently in my country i saw this news about a guy with AIDS that didn't tell his wife and his doctor also didn't warn her. As result she got it too. In my book that's murder. If it was up to me i would throw them both in jail and throw away the key.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

costa200 said:


> I understand that, but recently in my country i saw this news about a guy with AIDS that didn't tell his wife and his doctor also didn't warn her. As result she got it too. In my book that's murder. If it was up to me i would throw them both in jail and throw away the key.


Doctors are not obligated to tell anything to anybody other than the patients. How do you expect some random doctor who barely knows you let alone your spouse, to actively seek out the betrayed spouse and tell him or her that their other half is sleeping around? 
In my opinion your outrage, though understandable, is over the top.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

BjornFree said:


> Doctors are not obligated to tell anything to anybody other than the patients. How do you expect some random doctor who barely knows you let alone your spouse, to actively seek out the betrayed spouse and tell him or her that their other half is sleeping around?
> In my opinion your outrage, though understandable, is over the top.


It's the infected spouse's responsibility to tell their partner. Unfortunately, WS care only about themselves.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Actually, the WS don't even seem to care about themselves. But do addicts ever care?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> Doctors are not obligated to tell anything to anybody other than the patients. How do you expect some random doctor who barely knows you let alone your spouse, to actively seek out the betrayed spouse and tell him or her that their other half is sleeping around?
> In my opinion your outrage, though understandable, is over the top.


In this case there was hardly the need to seek out anyone. The OP went to consultations. He was there. Luckily it was "only" Herpes. Could have been worse. I'm not talking about "sleeping around", I'm talking about STDs. It's a matter of public health.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Here is my experience with cheating and STD's. I hope this is not confusing to follow.

My STBXW was cheating on me between 6/2009 and 6/2011…maybe longer. I tried to keep our marriage together mostly for our children after D day #3 because she said she didn't want a D. I did finally file for D in 3/2012 because of her overall lack of effort and honesty. I also felt that she was possibly still in contact with him.

In 6/2012, STBXW gets an abnormal PAP result from her yearly checkup. Her doctor tells her she has discovered highly aggressive/pre-cancerous cells on her cervix. Her doctor then tells her she must have a hysterectomy…immediately. My STBXW asked if I would be there for her during her surgery. Because I am taking the high road, and our D isn't final yet, I agreed. 

After her surgery, her doctor came out to the waiting room to talk with me. Her doctor said everything went well and STBXW is in recovery. I asked her "What would cause these pre cancerous cells?" Without hesitation she said "HPV". I must have looked confused and she realized I didn't know that STBXW had it. I then asked her how long STBXW has known she was infected with HPV. Her doctor actually opened STBXW's records and showed me that STBXW tested positive in 2010…right in the middle of her affair! 

My STBXW had known about her HPV since 2010 and never even bothered to tell me! We were sexually active all during her affair and up until recently so this means I have been exposed. This is selfishness on a grand scale. I have no symptoms but sometimes...there are none for men.

I asked STBXW when she was going to tell me about her HPV. She was surprised that I knew and said she was afraid to tell me and that she wasn't sure where she got it. I asked her how many other guys she had f****d while we were married…She claimed none…only him. I then said "Well It's obvious where you got it…and diseased POSOM probably knew he had it" 

We have been married for 15 years…together for 17. I was not sexually active for 4 years before I met STBXW. That means STBXW is the only woman I have been with in the last 21 years....and you can't get it from a toilet seat! I told her doctor this and she agreed that STBXW most certainly got it from diseased POSOM. She said that, based on her experience…the timing was right. STBXW had not told her doctor about her affair. Her doctor said that most of her patients who have cheated do tell her because they are worried about STD's and feel secure about the confidentiality. 

I understand that STBXW's records are supposed to be confidential. I am grateful that her doctor was willing to show me the truth. I will not reveal her as a source to my STBXW.

In the end, whether STBXW got it from POSOM or someone else she was screwing…I will never know. I do know two things.

#1. She lost her Uterus and Cervix as a result of her cheating…there's some Karma.

#2. She didn't get HPV from me.

It's ironic because after finding out about her affair, I asked if she used any protection…to which she said no. I then said "Thanks for thinking about my health" and that I needed to get myself checked out with my doctor. Her response was "Whatever…he's clean". I asked her "How do you know?" She just looked at me with a blank stare. Unfortunately there is no blood test for men and HPV. 

I also remember After D day #2 asking her if she understood what being divorced would be like for her. I was trying to paint a picture of what she would be giving up…I know…stupid. One thing I told her was she wouldn't have health insurance and her response was a very defiant "So, I should stay married to you just to have a PAP smear done once a year?" If I would have divorced her after D day #1 or #2, she would not have had medical insurance, probably not have had a PAP test done, The pre cancerous cells would not have been detected and she could quite possibly have full blown cervical cancer now…or worse.

This is an example of the level of selfishness a WS can possess when it comes to cheating and affairs. They seem to have no concern for themselves or the health of others. They live in a world of denial, delusion and fantasy. The reality and consequences of STD's, how their own health and the health of others is effected seems insignificant as long as they are getting what they want from the affair. Total selfishness.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Decimated said:


> Here is my experience with cheating and STD's. I hope this is not confusing to follow.
> 
> My STBXW was cheating on me between 6/2009 and 6/2011…maybe longer. I tried to keep our marriage together mostly for our children after D day #3 because she said she didn't want a D. I did finally file for D in 3/2012 because of her overall lack of effort and honesty. I also felt that she was possibly still in contact with him.
> 
> ...


Your post made me cry. Cause WS gave me the HPV. If I get cancer it will be cause of his cheating, not mine. If we divorce, I will have no health insurance to help me should my HPV develop into cancer. I've been tested every year since and it shows as clear now, but I've read the cancer can show up many years down the road. He claims it came from a BJ in 2003, I tested positive in 2008, but 2009 it was clear. So it's all lies. I didn't get it from a BJ he got from homewrecker and I didn't get it five years earlier like he claims. This was another girl and it was intercourse.

I got mad a year ago. He had to fill out some forms for a physical. He put down he never had any STDs. I said that's not true. He said I've never tested positive for HPV, only you have. So cause there is no test for men he can say he's clear, but I get all the embarrassment of his cheating by having it marked all over my records?!? I'm 41 and been married almost 18 years. If that's not humiliating I don't know what is.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

OP... just want to make sure you got tested for EVERYTHING. Typical standard STD tests, even though you ask to be tested for herpes, does not include a herpes test. This is because so many people carry the herpes virus most everyone comes up with some strain of herpes.

If you specifically asked for a herpes test and came up clean, great!. If you didn't specifically ask, you should.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

Decimated said:


> It's ironic because after finding out about her affair, I asked if she used any protection…to which she said no. I then said "Thanks for thinking about my health" and that I needed to get myself checked out with my doctor. Her response was "Whatever…he's clean". I asked her "How do you know?" She just looked at me with a blank stare. Unfortunately there is no blood test for men and HPV.
> 
> I also remember After D day #2 asking her if she understood what being divorced would be like for her. I was trying to paint a picture of what she would be giving up…I know…stupid. One thing I told her was she wouldn't have health insurance and her response was a very defiant "So, I should stay married to you just to have a PAP smear done once a year?" If I would have divorced her after D day #1 or #2, she would not have had medical insurance, probably not have had a PAP test done, The pre cancerous cells would not have been detected and she could quite possibly have full blown cervical cancer now…or worse.
> 
> This is an example of the level of selfishness a WS can possess when it comes to cheating and affairs. They seem to have no concern for themselves or the health of others. They live in a world of denial, delusion and fantasy. The reality and consequences of STD's, how their own health and the health of others is effected seems insignificant as long as they are getting what they want from the affair. Total selfishness.


Man, that sounds like my wife (ex). Told me at first that she used a condom but later said she didn't because her AP was clean. A guy that she'd only reconnected with 6 months prior tells her he's clean and she believes him.:scratchhead:


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> OP... just want to make sure you got tested for EVERYTHING. Typical standard STD tests, even though you ask to be tested for herpes, does not include a herpes test. This is because so many people carry the herpes virus most everyone comes up with some strain of herpes.
> 
> If you specifically asked for a herpes test and came up clean, great!. If you didn't specifically ask, you should.


Specifically asked to be tested for herpes due to her infection.


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## SandyD (Nov 18, 2012)

I tend to think that the simplest and easiest explanation is usually correct. Having this for 15 years through two childbirths and an active sex life with a non-infected partner seems too complicated. There are so many holes to the story and questions. She had an affair, got infected and there ya go. Simple and easy.

I say this because I was recently the victim of someone who tried to jog his memory back 10 years and blame his ex for my having STD symptoms. And, of course, there was the classic toilet bowl excuse. 

How on earth could he have an std for 10 years and never pass that on to me? Hmmm... 

Also, he went to see a doctor about a year ago because he had scrotum pain. He told me he never had to take antibiotics since the doc had asked him if he had had extramarital affairs or unprotected sex and he answered no. And you know what? He was seeing hookers. An he most likely DID, and does have, an STD.

And then we had unprotected sex and got pregnant.

How's that for selfish?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

cantdecide said:


> I know that if she told her doctor not to disclose herpes that he/she would be bound by that request. I just find it VERY difficult to believe that especially with our first child which was sooo difficult, that she would continue to hide this.


Maybe this is a thread hijack that may deserve it's own thread:

In many cases doctor-patient privilege does not apply if the doctor is aware that the patient intends to commit a crime in the future.

In my state it is a crime to have sex with someone if you have an STD and you do not inform them before hand.

So it would be reasonable to assume that a wife intends to have sex with her husband at some point in the future. If the wife tells the doctor that she is infected with herpes and not to tell her husband, then the doctor is now aware that she intends to commit a crime in the future. Ergo, doctor-patient privilege no longer applies.

We've had a recent case here where a woman won $600K from a guy that didn't disclose he had herpes and infected a woman. I wonder if a doctor could be sued under similar circumstances?


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