# my husband insulted me infront of his friend by threatning to hit me. leave or stay?



## jll (Jul 17, 2012)

Dear all,

I have been married for one year now...I have also been unhappy for how quickly he can become very angry at sily things and make big deals out of it ...He will argue with me on how wrong I am and become verbally abusive if I don't agree with him....Basically, he tries to force me to see things his way. 

What kept me in with him is that he can be so loving at times and deep down i know he has a kind heart...but lately an incident happened that was realy a red flag to me.... he fought with me infront of his friend ....i was so humaliated that i tried to close the subject but he kept arguing and then insulted me more by tellin me that he will hit me and I should shut up...I couldn't believe that he could say such thing in front of his friend that he would threaten to hit me...what would any of u do if u were in my shoes...would u leave? actually, i went back to my family and askin for divorce but he is beggin for me to go back to him and sayin he is sorry and stuff...but am so scared.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, I'm afraid you wouldn't see me for dust. I truly hope you don't return to this abusive man, because after the 'honeymoon' phase of reconciliation is over, the abuse will start again.

You might want to take a look at this link:- Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Was he in a rush to get you to marry him? One of the common traits of someone who is abusive is that they try to get you under their control as quickly as possible.

No kids, so cut your losses and RUN, FOREST, RUN!!


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Wow. You couldnt pay me to stay.
This deep down is what you are hoping to see in him naturally, but its nowhere to be found. Do not let him make you feel guilty. If you are in a relationship and feel as if you are walking on eggshells and feel scared, then its time to go. You should never feel uncomfortable to that degree with anyone especially not your lover.
It is one thing for a man to threaten to hit you, but to do it in front of his friend and tell you to shut up? BIG RED FLAG! My dad was very abusive to my mother, and he would do it in front of anyone. Id say pack your suitcase, stay in a new place!!!!!!


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## LionofJudah888 (Jul 15, 2012)

My wife was the sweetest person before we got married. About a month after we got married, her true personality began to show. She became very abusive, verbally and physically (maybe three separate times when we argued). I thought it was just a phase because I know how sweet she can be. We quarreled and fought for the next four years. Read the post entitled "...and they said it could be worse"


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## Nod (Jul 2, 2012)

Maybe I'm different, but if he has never hit you, then i wouldn't say all is over. Saying it and doing it are very different. 

Maybe suggest he go to counseling & have him get on some sort of medication (prozac, celexa) before you return.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

I'd leave in a flash. He is controlling you through frightening you, threatening you, humiliating you. This is verbal/emotional abuse. My guess is that he will escalate to physical abuse. Get out, and don't listen to his pleas and promises that he will change. The honeymoon period will be brief, and then he will be right back to his old ways. And take every precaution to avoid becoming pregnant, or you'll be tied for life to this man.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

The fact that you would even feel the need to ask the question, leave or stay, bothers me. Abuse of any kind is never acceptable. Even a threat to do so, is not a good thing. The thought was there, so he could carry it out.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Nod said:


> Maybe I'm different, but if he has never hit you, then i wouldn't say all is over. Saying it and doing it are very different.
> 
> Maybe suggest he go to counseling & have him get on some sort of medication (prozac, celexa) before you return.


He hasn't hit her - yet. His behaviour towards the OP is highly abusive and she would be well advised to get out now, before there are any children for him to damage, too.

He needs to deal with his issues, but the OP needs to make herself safe.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

He's a total loser for even discussing hitting you. A real man never does this in private let alone in front of a friend. Get out before you have children with this classless abuser.


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