# My wife wants me out this weekend



## rainingagain (Sep 12, 2010)

Where do I start? Basically we've been together for nearly 5 years, married for 4 of those. We have a beautiful 3 yr old girl and my wife's preggie with the 2nd - due to give birth in 2 - 3 months. I love her to infinity and would love to stay with her till I die, but she's been getting more and more angry with me about everything, and really shows raw, unventilated hatred for me when i do things that piss her off. Today our daughter locked a room in my father in law's house with the key inside. I should have left it alone but I pushed it and the jamb splintered. Now I have to explain to him what I did. It seems that every day I give her reason to tell me I'm an idiot, that I'm stupid etc. Right now she's saying she wants me out this thanksgiving weekend, and never wants to see me again. Doesnt want me to see my kids and wants us to settle. It's really like we're jinxed. I have literally nowhere to go but she doesnt care. She hates me and just wants me out of her life. I hoped things would improve but I never seem to be able to recover my ego from the subhuman trash that she sees me as, and have become moulded into this useless, worthless persona. I even agreed to go and see the doctor to see if theres something wrong with my brain. All I want is a happy healthy marriage with the woman and children I adore. Please can anyone suggest a course of action whereby I might be able to hang on to my marriage and work things out? Thanks. PS-She is right, I am an idiot!!!!!


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## gothpig (Oct 2, 2010)

Well I can't be so sure about what she is mad at continuously till i listen to her also but I think none of the human beings in this world deserve that kind of treatment from their spouses..
I would say it can be cause of pregnancy and your wife's over emotional status, so better give her and yourself to think how to sort things out. There are children and it can't be that easy to say 'i hate you and i don't wanna see you or i don't want you to see your chilsren also' nobody have rights to stop a father to see his children if he's not a danger for them...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rainingagain (Sep 12, 2010)

Thanks for you input, and apologies for not providing more info.
-I'm extremely scatterbrained and disorganized and we both feel I may have ADD. I talked to our doctor yesterday. His first question was about my education. I told him I have just finished my dissertation for a masters in applied linguistics, and that I have a b.a hons degree in English lit/philosophy as well as a teaching certificate thru Cambridge.. He said that no one who really had ADD could hold down academic pursuits such as these. But she is right-I had some car accidents in the past year and I'm so forgetful and muddled about a lot of things. Every day she tells me fiercely that I'm an idiot, stupid, an air-head etc. I dont remember her ever conceding that there was anything good about me, and I dont feel it is within her to ever compliment me. But its not baseless: she is 12 years younger and 'way smarter' as she tells me. She does the financing, plans for the future etc. A worry I've had for a long time was just how to resalvage the dignity and self-confidence sufficient to be an effective parent and husband. I'm certainly no danger to my children. The incidents when I reacted physically to my wife, are still with her and although I will NEVER ever touch her again, I feel that the fact of the things I've done it in the past, combined with her inability to forgive me, make this marriage at best a thin tattered thread that I cling to. My daughter is always there when my wuife calls me names and she now knows words like '******', 'gay', 'loser', 'idiot', 'stupid', 'backpacker' etc. I really wish we could infuse our marriage and family with love, trust and respect but not being even human in her eyes is making things unbearable. But I love her, and think she's the sweetest thing in the world. I would happily devote my whole life to her, and I am just foolish enough to assume there is still that chance to turn us around. (if this is a measure of my terminl stupidity so be it.)


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Have you considered the possibility that there may be someone else?


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## fourofus (Oct 9, 2010)

I have never posted here before but hearing your story reminds me so much of my own husband. Their is a reason why she is so angry and no she may not react according to the situation but as I have explained it to my husband ( if someone comes up and slaps you on the back you may not like it and it may hurt a little but if you are sunburned and someone comes up and slaps you on the back it's still the same slap but it's going to hurt bad and real tick you off. Why because you have already been burned. My husband says the samething oh I love you so much I have ADD (no he doesn't have ADD) blah blah blah but love is a verb an action word. Well I wanted to share this with you because maybe this is the way your wife is feeling Someone posted it here along time ago. I hope it helps. 

How are you doing, husband? Is your wife considering separation, or worse, are 
you already separated? How are you handling it? Are you angry? Were you shocked? 
Do you feel like you have just awakened from a long sleep, and now find yourself 
becoming an intensely spiritual man? Would you like to win your wife back and 
restore your family?

I cannot promise that all who read this article and follow its recommendations 
will see their family restored, but I do believe that it presents the best 
biblical recommendations for a man abandoned by his wife. May all who read the 
following find its eternal benefits.



Husbands, for your information

When a woman first seriously considers divorce she usually isn’t thinking about 
the theological implications of her desires – all she knows is that she feels 
like she has to get away from her husband. She doesn't arrive at this state of 
desperation by a process of calm deduction. She is simply reacting to the 
feeling that she "can't take anymore." Her departure is typically a sign that 
she has hardened her heart towards the man to whom she once entrusted it. 
Likely, she has been hurt over and over, and finally decided she will tolerate 
no more emotional pain. Her leaving may have been an attempt to coerce her 
husband to change, but more often it has been a desperate effort to survive. She 
sincerely believes that she cannot endure anymore heartache, so she has reached 
out and grabbed onto the separation like a drowning swimmer clings to a life 
ring.

One of the reasons she became so weak, and finally, unwilling to go on, was that 
whenever she became hurt, she also became angry. As time progressed, the hurts 
mounted up and the less she felt able to endure. She inadvertently was doing 
what Christians are warned not to do, and was letting the sun go down on her 
anger (Eph 4:26), which grew into bitterness, which ultimately defiled her (Heb 
12:15). In a final act of self defense, she hardened her heart so that it would 
no longer be vulnerable to pain. This wall around her heart seemed to give her 
the courage to emotionally cut herself off from her husband.

Sadly, most husbands have few memories of “hurting” their wives. But let all 
such men consider – if a woman does something as extreme as leave her mate, 
claiming she can no longer handle the emotional pain, isn’t it likely she is, in 
fact, in pain? (If emotional feelings could bleed, a man would see a trail of 
blood following his wife as she walks away from him.) The truth is that a 
hardened woman only got that way because her feelings got hurt over and over. 
Herein lies the problem – most women believe that they have communicated their 
hurt to their husbands, but most husbands only have memories of their wife’s bad 
attitudes. All those times a wife thought she was simply expressing the cry of 
an injured heart, her husband only perceived hostility, coldness, or hatred. She 
felt like she was begging for tenderness and sensitivity, and he backed away 
because he thought he was being attacked. My experience is that most women leave 
their husbands, because they entered marriage with expectations of feeling 
treasured and cherished, and their husbands unwittingly have sent the message 
that they are not. Hence, those women end up bitter and hardened. (Most 
Christian wives will not believe it is bitterness they harbor -- they think they 
merely hold feelings of "hurt".)

The man who hopes to reconcile with a bitter, hardened wife must first realize 
that for her to return to him will require that she forgive him. As a believer 
she is bound by her duty to forgive all offenders and love her enemies, but an 
abandoned husband should not rely upon her sense of duty to God. She obviously 
no longer sees her need to obey God or she wouldn’t have forsaken her biblical 
duties as a wife, which is why she feels equally unmotivated to forgive him. 
Rather than concentrate on what his wife is doing wrong, it is better that an 
abandoned husband think about what he must do facilitate the softening of her 
heart and help her to forgive him.


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## fourofus (Oct 9, 2010)

Here is one more to consider. 

The Wrong Ways to Reconcile

1. Apologize in a self-centered way.

> Do not offer explanations as to why you are so blind and why you hurt her. It 
will only sound to her like you are excusing what you have done.

> No matter how excited you are, do not share with her new-found revelations you 
may have discovered about yourself, related to why you do what you do. It will 
only sound like an excuse.

> Don’t try to make her understand you. She’s not interested in why you did what 
you did.

> Do not tell her of your present emotional condition

> She already believes you are self absorbed. Do not talk about yourself and 
prove her right. (Besides, putting the focus back on yourself is really a sign 
that you are indeed self absorbed.)



2. Be certain she is aware of her contribution to the problem

> Blame or discredit her in some fashion.

> This will put her on the defensive, causing a negative reaction.

> Apologize that you didn’t respond that well to her offenses



3. Communicate to her that you have not changed

> Repeat familiar unfulfilled promises to change

> Ask forgiveness again for the same old things will only remind her of 
unfulfilled expectations



4. Express anger or annoyance when you speak with her

> Yes, she is hurting you and the children, so yes, it is natural to be angry, 
but she believes she is simply reacting to your offenses, so in her eyes, you 
are the last person qualified to point out her sin

> She believes you owe her, so she will be even more offended when your anger 
suggests that she owes you

> She will view your attitude as a further expression of the same thing that 
drove her away.

> Your anger will express a lack of understanding concerning her and the pain 
you have caused her

(The presence of anger reveals pride in you that has not been dealt with, and 
the fact that you have not accepted your part in the problem.)



5. Write a good sounding letter without proper follow up.

> If you write a beautiful letter of repentance, but have no change in your 
heart, your wife may at first get her hopes up and begin to soften, but when she 
spots your inconsistency she will become even more angry and possibly harden her 
heart beyond your reach. 

> If you make promises of change, you must be certain to follow through – 
perfectly!

(If you write a good letter, but lack the love and humility of Christ in your 
heart, you will express annoyance at her rather than concern. And she will feel 
it.)


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You have to rule out the existance of another man being in the picture.

Also if you leave the house, you're making a mistake. If she doesn't like it she should leave.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

What were you like when you and her met? If she had treated you the way she's treating you now when you first met her, how would you have reacted?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

rainingagain said:


> But I love her, and think she's the sweetest thing in the world.


I see a lot of problems at work in your marriage. This statement really stands out to me. She says all those horrible things, yet you think she is sweet?! Do you have any self-esteem left? I honestly think you need to find a therapist and start working on yourself. Also, read marriage and self-help books.  As always, I strongly recommend "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

As far as your difficulties with organizing and focusing......that can be a challenge. There again, a great therapist can help you in that area too. I have found that hypnotherapy is helpful along with meditation. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting the brain to slow down.

Your wife is under the influence of hormones at this point, so some of the stuff she says may be exaggerations. Is she having a lot of anxiety? Is there another man? I'll bet you'll see a change in her behavior when you get confidence in yourself again. Focus on things which you can control.

Hang in there!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So your wife has a young child and is also expecting, and she wants to take there father away, without one thought of trying to make this work, for them? Wow!
She is willing to sacrife the security of a man, and finacial backing you provide? Wow!
Who will help her when she gets out of the hospital?
No doubt she will have her hands full?

I get the harden heart, my W had one, but your wife is throwing you out when she should be looking for a help & security. I'm just the guy but, I would think that she would be pretty scared right now and would be looking for support emotional and physical from some one, especially in her state. 
Either you have some issue that you are not bring up,or she has replaced you?


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