# Time for me?



## Craig Stacy (Apr 23, 2017)

Hi all,

I'm headed for divorce and it's breaking me apart. We have separated twice and finally separated and she wants a divorce., I don't. We have separated in the past, because there have been issues with my high BP, I have a temper (I just get upset easy, I've never been physical with her or verbally abusive, nothing like that). We still talk daily, here and there. There hasn't really been a no contact thing at all. We tried working things out a few weeks ago and her family doesn't want us together after already splitting apart a few times. She said that she doesn't want to lose her family. We split before so we could each assess the marriage, and I could work on my issues, which I never did. We got back together both times, and things were going good so I disregarded that there were still unresolved issues beneath the surface.

That brings me to now... She said that her family would come around in time, but she doesn't want to wait, I can't blame her. Once they have seen that I am making changes for the good, they might come around. She is dating. She put on social media that she was in relationship, and the people that his guy she is dating was living with kicked him out, so she moved him in. What can I do? She still loves me, she still cares, she is tired of hearing me say "I'll change..." but now I truly am. I am in counseling, I have an appointment for a doctor to get back on my correct medications. And she does say "if it's meant for us to be back together, it will, but I don't see it happening and I can't see myself with you." she is making that judgement on the person I have been lately. How can I get her to come around and see me for who I truly am, while making these changes? How do I help her to realize that we truly could make a marriage work again, once these issues are resolved?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How did you express your anger in the past? Did you yell? get in her face? throw things? break things? What was it like?

How long have to two of you been together and married?

Do you have children? If so, how old are they?

How old are you and she? 

This is important info for us to have in order to give you input.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Craig Stacy said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I'm headed for divorce and it's breaking me apart. We have separated twice and finally separated and she wants a divorce., I don't. We have separated in the past, because there have been issues with my high BP, I have a temper (I just get upset easy, I've never been physical with her or verbally abusive, nothing like that). We still talk daily, here and there. There hasn't really been a no contact thing at all. We tried working things out a few weeks ago and her family doesn't want us together after already splitting apart a few times. She said that she doesn't want to lose her family. We split before so we could each assess the marriage, and I could work on my issues, which I never did. We got back together both times, and things were going good so I disregarded that there were still unresolved issues beneath the surface.
> 
> That brings me to now... She said that her family would come around in time, but she doesn't want to wait, I can't blame her. Once they have seen that I am making changes for the good, they might come around. She is dating. She put on social media that she was in relationship, and the people that his guy she is dating was living with kicked him out, so she moved him in. What can I do? She still loves me, she still cares, she is tired of hearing me say "I'll change..." but now I truly am. I am in counseling, I have an appointment for a doctor to get back on my correct medications. And she does say "if it's meant for us to be back together, it will, but I don't see it happening and I can't see myself with you." she is making that judgement on the person I have been lately. How can I get her to come around and see me for who I truly am, while making these changes? How do I help her to realize that we truly could make a marriage work again, once these issues are resolved?


She moved another guy in. Forget her words and protestations to the contrary, you have been replaced. Her actions by moving him in say all you need to know. It's over. Don't hesitate on her stringing you along forever as plan B. Respect yourself, love yourself, don't punish yourself because of her actions. Just file for divorce.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Craig Stacy said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I'm headed for divorce and it's breaking me apart. We have separated twice and finally separated and she wants a divorce., I don't. We have separated in the past, because there have been issues with my high BP, I have a temper (I just get upset easy, I've never been physical with her or verbally abusive, nothing like that). We still talk daily, here and there. There hasn't really been a no contact thing at all. We tried working things out a few weeks ago and her family doesn't want us together after already splitting apart a few times. She said that she doesn't want to lose her family. We split before so we could each assess the marriage, and I could work on my issues, which I never did. We got back together both times, and things were going good so I disregarded that there were still unresolved issues beneath the surface.
> 
> That brings me to now... She said that her family would come around in time, but she doesn't want to wait, I can't blame her. Once they have seen that I am making changes for the good, they might come around. She is dating. She put on social media that she was in relationship, and the people that his guy she is dating was living with kicked him out, so she moved him in. What can I do? She still loves me, she still cares, she is tired of hearing me say "I'll change..." but now I truly am. I am in counseling, I have an appointment for a doctor to get back on my correct medications. And she does say "if it's meant for us to be back together, it will, but I don't see it happening and I can't see myself with you." she is making that judgement on the person I have been lately. How can I get her to come around and see me for who I truly am, while making these changes? How do I help her to realize that we truly could make a marriage work again, once these issues are resolved?


You need to move on as hard as it seems and feels like BIB said but if there really were faults of yours that led to the break-up, that gives you a lot of room for improvement. You cannot afford to go of course. You may never get her back even if you keep up the changes for quite a while but you sure as heck won't if you don't. The bottom line is that if you continue to work on yourself, you are going to make yourself feel better and you are going to attract other women that are a good fit for you. You may not want to think about other women at this point, I still don't and I am in the process of divorce now.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

The fat lady has sung!


Got to move on ! When she sees you dating she might try to win you back but if I were you I'd keep on trucking.


You will be all right busy yourself .get your temper under control,get healthy evercise and eat properly mayb take some classes.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Its very hard living with an angry person, you have to walk on eggshells all the time and you can't be yourself. You did also make promises twice that you didn't keep. I don't think she trusts you that things will change this time.

Moving another men in so soon doesn't seem to indicate that she is sad about the marriage ending.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Well, you know by know she's ****ing another guy, so is that what you're wishing for, to get another guy's sloppy seconds?

Move on already. She's done with you, regardless of what she might be telling you.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> She moved another guy in. Forget her words and protestations to the contrary, you have been replaced. Her actions by moving him in say all you need to know. It's over. Don't hesitate on her stringing you along forever as plan B. Respect yourself, love yourself, don't punish yourself because of her actions. Just file for divorce.


^^This. Once a woman is done, she's done.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

Reverse pshycology just image a cheetah after a gazelle now do the opposite. This is your best bet stop chasing. Just agree and move on. Agree with the break up just act like you found freedom. Limit contact, act fine, don't beg her back, don't text, don't call, just act single again. Limit contact don't talk about relationship at all. No I love you's nothing!! Ride it out one day in a few weeks or months she will probably contact you. She reach out to you for reconcilition or the opposite. 
It's a bold chess move but have faith in it.


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