# Why would a married man with family be attracted to another woman?



## ariadne12 (Nov 9, 2012)

If you're a married man with a a big family and felt attracted to another woman enough to act on it just a little bit (staring, flirting, accidental touching etc) does that mean they're unhappy in their marriage? Or does it mean that he's just really attracted to that person? Is a man more likely to be faithful when he has a big family because his wife is the mother of his incredible children?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

It means they're a self centered douche bag with little to no boundaries. 

This goes for both men and women. 

Size of family means nothing if the person involved is only thinking about him/herself. 

From 2 kids to 20 if a person is only thinking about their selfish desires getting fulfilled little can stop them. 

As unfortunately evidenced in the two threads below this one.


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## ariadne12 (Nov 9, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

Does having a religion make a difference?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

ariadne12 said:


> If you're a married man with a a big family and felt attracted to another woman enough to act on it just a little bit (staring, flirting, accidental touching etc) does that mean they're unhappy in their marriage? Or does it mean that he's just really attracted to that person? Is a man more likely to be faithful when he has a big family because his wife is the mother of his incredible children?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had 2 children and ex had 1. Daughter had one child. I was not unhappy. I wasn't getting the intimacy I wanted. 

Not that attracted, just a little. I was shown more respect and felt I could be more intimate with other.

No.



ariadne12 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Does having a religion make a difference?


No, but believing in punishment for sins does. Believing that means believing in all the rest.

Never anything physical in my case; all verbal.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Why would a married woman with family be attracted to another man?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ariadne12 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Does having a religion make a difference?


Having religion in one's heart does help~ but I've seen some of those who have so ardently wrapped themselves in their religion, then covertly fly in the face of their professed Christian tenants by ultimately being led along by their primal sexual urges much rather than by the love that they have in their heart for their own family!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

ariadne12 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Does having a religion make a difference?


Your beliefs don't make you a better person. Your behavior does.

It's easy for someone to say they're religious, but act in ways that are anything but religious. Look at the actions, not the words.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

life101 said:


> Why would a married woman with family be attracted to another man?


Oh!! Because her NEEDS are not being met.


But I'm attracted to a whole bunch of women. I just don't act on the attraction. But of course these days all the attractive ones look like little kids.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

ariadne12 said:


> If you're a married man with a a big family and felt attracted to another woman enough to act on it just a little bit (staring, flirting, accidental touching etc) does that mean they're unhappy in their marriage? Or does it mean that he's just really attracted to that person? Is a man more likely to be faithful when he has a big family because his wife is the mother of his incredible children?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Does it mean they're unhappy in the marriage? No.
Does it mean they're really attracted to that person? No.
More likely to be faithful with a big family? No.
Does religion make a differnce? No.

If a married man is attracted to a woman and flirts, accidentally touches and stares at her, it means his wife needs to step in and straighten him out before it gets out of control.

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore.

(Don't throw religion on him, that won't get you anywhere, just tell him to stop embarrassing himself and show you more respect.)

T


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

ariadne12 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Does having a religion make a difference?



Probably worse -- he knows better but doesn't give a sh!t.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Tony55 said:


> Does it mean they're unhappy in the marriage? No.
> Does it mean they're really attracted to that person? No.
> More likely to be faithful with a big family? No.
> Does religion make a differnce? No.
> ...


:iagree: Just want to ad one more thing to a already excellent post. Here it is..Tell him also to stop embarrassing him self,as well


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

My partner told me, that just beceuase he loves me, and that our home was a stable home, he was able to have a relationship outside. Because he could always escape back to that stable home when she was pressing him. 
So I think the more secure, stable your own relationship is, the easier it is to get an adventure outside.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

My H & I have 5 children. At the time he met the woman he cheated with, 12 years ago, he was on a missions trip overseas.

It was the poor state of our marriage & his poor boundaries that contributed to his affair, not how many kids we had or how well I parented them.

If a husband starts staring, flirting & touching another woman, then this needs to be addressed. Mind you, there are right & wrong ways to go about this.

The best reference I have read on this is the book 'His Needs, Her Needs'. Wised us both up alot.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

ariadne12 said:


> If you're a married man with a a big family and felt attracted to another woman enough to act on it just a little bit (staring, flirting, accidental touching etc) does that mean they're unhappy in their marriage? Or does it mean that he's just really attracted to that person? Is a man more likely to be faithful when he has a big family because his wife is the mother of his incredible children?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ask my husband!! Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

nothing works like sex, for a man, to cheat.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

BjornFree said:


> Oh!! Because her NEEDS are not being met.
> 
> 
> But I'm attracted to a whole bunch of women. I just don't act on the attraction. But of course these days all the attractive ones look like little kids.



Not necessarily true. I know one very well who's needs were more than met. She just thought she would like to eat a little cake!


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

ariadne12 said:


> ... Is a man more likely to be faithful when he has a big family because his wife is the mother of his incredible children?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with the answers posted so far. I just quoted the part of the OPs question above because it seems that some women put a much higher value on the mommy role than the wife role. I get that there are times when the mommy and daddy roles have to be dominant, but that shouldn't be the goal. 

If you find that your your kids are your whole life and everything revolves around them then basically you have abandoned your husband. That isn't to say that he should cheat, but he will be understandibly resentful.


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## markster (Nov 20, 2012)

Hi:

I have learned many things from how I have been treated by my wife in the past and spending countless hours in counselling, self-reflection and examination. I am no expert, below are my opinions only.

The size of a persons family has nothing to do with how he/she will react in any given situation involving the opposite sex. There are many reasons why a person will do what they do, but at the core of it all, I believe is selfishness. Basically, ensuring that ones own wants, needs, desires, etc. are taken care of first with no regard as to how they will impact their spouses. 

How does one arrive at a state of selfishness.There are many reasons most of which are probably more info than is required here.

Many might say that there is simply something wrong with the marriage. This is almost always true, but does not get to the core of why someone in a committed relationship begins taking an emotional or physical interest in someone else, and how it goes from simple flirting to "accidental" touching and further (and unless this is addressed immediately through honest, respectful conversation, "further" is almost guaranteed.)

Do you consider your husband to be a selfish person when having his needs met, or is it pretty fair in your marriage with minimal imbalance between you ? If one becomes resentful because of imbalance in jobs, chores, finances, sex (one of you likes it more or differently than the other), etc, ... selfishness will often take over to correct the imbalance.

Everyone has their own set of emotional needs that they wish to be met. In the more selfish individuals, they will allow anyone to meet these needs, regardless of whether it is a person of the opposite sex and regardless of whether they are in a committed relationship with someone who was previously meeting those needs, but in their mind, is no longer doing so. As to understanding why it is "in their mind" is where the honest conversation comes in.

If you trust your husband and find him to be a truthful person, then your job of righting this situation before it goes further is much easier. If he has lied to you about important issues in the past then the job is much harder. That must be corrected if possible (good luck with that if it is the case) , before anything else will work, or else you are wasting your time.

Also, he needs to acknowledge that what he is doing is wrong because. A, it's disrespectful to you and B, it is a very slippery slope that gets slipperier the further he goes down it.

Yes, "His Needs Her Needs" is an excellent book. You HAVE to talk to him about this and how it's affecting you and how it WILL affect your marriage if it does not stop. Do not accuse him (unless you have rock solid proof of infidelity) or back him into a corner or he will never hear you.

You should not accept excuses, misdirections, deflections or any other signs that responsibility is not being taken for the problem. There is no doubt that he "gets" that there is a problem with his actions, or he wouldn't be doing them. Attempts to justify them are just "crazy-making" and show a lack of responsibility.

Good luck


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> Not necessarily true. I know one very well who's needs were more than met. She just thought she would like to eat a little cake!


Is it so hard to home in on the sarcasm? Its even listed as one of my interests.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Sigh. Men want to be wanted. One of the most...expressive and irrevokable ways a woman can show that is by allowing her to have sex with him.

Now, as a woman with perhaps a large family, you say 'but wait...I have sex with him all the time! Look at all these rug rats!'

Yes, but...just like a woman figures her husband says 'I love you. Of course you're pretty. Those pants don't make you look fat.' because he HAS to, the contrary is also true. It's in the contract.

The book 'Why Women Have Sex' certainly hasn't helped matters considering 'shutting up his whining' is probably higher on the list than 'wants to jump his bones.'

At least with a strange woman, he still has his relationship illusions which are absent in a LT married relationship.

So, sorry to say, that obvious bout of pity sex thrown to 'get it over with' does a lot more to poison a relationship than a bit of acting on the part of a woman. 

And everyone, man and woman, is intoxicated at having...options.


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