# What do you think about ex contacting me?



## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

Just curious about what others think about my ex husband , who moved to CA to be near his old high school girlfriend a year ago, totally sending my family into a mess, but now is sending me flowers for Mother's Day, texting me to wish me a happy birthday, and recently texting me to ask how my summer is going? Can two people who had a sort of acrimonious divorce remain texting friends? I sort of feel sorry for him. I think he is realizing he made a mistake, but knows he can't do a "do-over", so for the sake of our kids and the friendship we once had, is maybe just wanting to stay on good terms? I know I made mistakes in our marriage too, and so am not really angry at him anymore, so should I just relax and not read anything into it, and just be glad we can be amicable? I feel I am too old to start a new relationship with anyone (56 and a grandma), and am also starting to get used to living alone, and have no idea what the situation is with his girlfriend, but even if he gets remarried, I feel like it wouldn't be a bad thing for us to stay connected. Any comments, suggestions?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening JWTBL
I am only going to comment on this one comment. You are NOT too old to start a new relationship:nono:

I'm only slightly younger than you and I am not at all willing to believe that I'm too old for a new relationship - though I am very happily married so I don't want one. 

You are only half way through your adult life. I have a female friend my age who runs marathons - IN ICELAND! Another is a serious mountaineer (as in stuck in a blizzard at 15,000' for a week sort of adventure). I know a couple older than you who race their sailboat most weekends.

If you want to live alone, that's perfectly fine, but if not, go out and have fun and meet people. 






JWTBL said:


> (SNIP) I feel I am too old to start a new relationship with anyone (56 and a grandma), (SNIP)


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> Just curious about what others think about my ex husband , who moved to CA to be near his old high school girlfriend a year ago, totally sending my family into a mess,


I would be interested in more details here.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

buyer's remorse is hitting him
the overwhelming majority of affairs don't last and his has ended or is coming to an end

the real question is do you want to accept being plan B?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you can remain on good terms, I say, go for it. Way better than ending up enemies with someone you were with for a long time.

Could be he misses you (why wouldn't he? You have a long history together). Could be he wants to remain on good terms. Could be things fell through with the girlfriend. Could be he realizes he did you wrong. Could be he wants to be friends. Or lovers. Could be a million things. 

My exH and I are still friends. It does happen sometimes.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening JWTBL
> I am only going to comment on this one comment. You are NOT too old to start a new relationship:nono:


:iagree:


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If you have kids, you SHOULD have a healthy relationship with him FOR the kids. But the relationship should ONLY be child related (nothing less/nothing more).

Rest is up to you. If you want to be solo, do it. if you want a relationship, I would probably recommend that you look elsewhere.....unless you feel that your ex deserves a 2nd chance?

Whatever you do, don't play into his games and keep him guessing or give him ideas. Be direct and set him straight ASAP.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

It all depends if he cheated on you with old girlfriend. (or any other woman, for that matter) If he cheated I recommend you stay neutral toward him on outward appearances, but inwardly you should stay detached and promise yourself you will never let him get to you. If your kids are grown I don't think you should even do this (assuming he cheated) Regardless of any mistakes you made in the marriage, if he was a cheater you need to consider him toxic to your well being. You are starting to forgive him, which is good, but that does not imply you should warm up the relationship. 

If he was an honorable man during your marriage but made mistakes less than abuse, adultery, etc. you might open the door a little, but I would be very careful about it. This is how folks get sucked into a cycle of misery that will never end until there is a decisive and final end to the relationship. 

You are not too old to start a new relationship. My aunt Beth, a widow, started a relationship that led to a very happy marriage with a widower in her mid 70's. It was so nice to see her live over another decade in such happiness with this old gentleman. Good luck.


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## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

yes he did cheat on me, but that was the only way his fool head (above and below the belt) figured he could get out of our dead marriage. And I sort of dared him to do it, since I was so fed up with his behavior. So I guess we are "even" as far as hurting each other goes. 
Anyway, what I'm thinking is that he probably figures if he keeps on friendly, texting terms with me, I'll be there for him if and when his "soul mate" thing doesn't work out. Asking me things like "How is your summer going?" seems more than just wanting to stay on good terms. I have no reason to argue with him about anything, really - he is on the other side of the country, our divorce is final, and I have no problem with my kids seeing him or keeping in touch with him. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that his contacting me seems self serving and it bothers me. Its his usual, passive aggressive BS - if he is lonely or sorry about what he did, then come out and say it, for pete's sake. Or just leave me alone. Thanks for letting me vent, sometimes cyberspace is the best place to send out burdens.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

56 years young.

lots of men around for a good hearted woman don't give up on men because of your age.

maybe just come out and ask him what all the texts are about? if it bothers you tell him so.


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## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

That's true, I could just ask him why he is texting me, but I wouldn't get a real answer anyway, he is too good at skirting any real issues. I sometimes wonder if he may be gay, because of many things that have come up through the years. But I guess that is neither here nor there.
Thanks for your responses.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

I am friends with all my ex's except the recent one. I don't see a problem staying friends.


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