# OK Give it to me Straight!!



## Wishful Thinking1 (Jun 20, 2011)

My marriage is great. I couldn't ask for a better husband. Yeah here comes the but!! Our sex life sucks. Yes here I am the wife complaining about the husband. I love sex enjoy having it my husband is older then me and is physically not capable of it. We have sex only once a week if that. I have tried not to think about sex anymore because it is depressing to me not having it that is. Is is wrong to go outside the marriage to have sex. I just want a good friend with benefits. Is this wrong. My husband can't give me what I need and want. He wants to but can't. He feels really bad, but I am tired of feeling guilty about thinking of going outside the marriage. I love my husband very much and he loves me it would kill him if he ever found out I went outside the marriage. HELP!!!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

How old is he?

Has he seen a doctor?





Wishful Thinking1 said:


> My marriage is great. I couldn't ask for a better husband. Yeah here comes the but!! Our sex life sucks. Yes here I am the wife complaining about the husband. I love sex enjoy having it my husband is older then me and is physically not capable of it. We have sex only once a week if that. I have tried not to think about sex anymore because it is depressing to me not having it that is. Is is wrong to go outside the marriage to have sex. I just want a good friend with benefits. Is this wrong. My husband can't give me what I need and want. He wants to but can't. He feels really bad, but I am tired of feeling guilty about thinking of going outside the marriage. I love my husband very much and he loves me it would kill him if he ever found out I went outside the marriage. HELP!!!


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## Wishful Thinking1 (Jun 20, 2011)

He is 62 and yes he has been to the doctor. He has the blue pills. But only does it once a week. He never really enjoyed sex like I do. But now it is the pits. Sex has to be planned in advance.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Try cialis instead. Maybe every day low dose. Does he find viagra very expensive.

What does your h say about a fwb for you? 

Look, cheating is cheating, whatever your "reason".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think you really are wishful thinking if you believe you can go outside of your marriage for benefits without any entanglements.

Is your husband able/willing to please you in other ways sexually? Intercourse is only one of many options.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Can he operate a vibrator?

Does he have fingers?

Can he make a fist?

Does he have a tongue?

Can he crack a whip or swing a leather belt or tie a blindfold?

For him to take ownership of his own sexual performance, is MUCH more than erectile function, it is his ATTITUDE!

Going outside the marriage for physical fulfillment? 

Nothing I would even suggest nor wish the emotional toll on anyone but even my worst enemy. 

An awful can of worms that is, nothing less than Pandora's box, a tangled emotional web and a killer of any respect left for your husband, for starters.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Wishful Thinking1 said:


> My marriage is great. I couldn't ask for a better husband. Yeah here comes the but!! Our sex life sucks. Yes here I am the wife complaining about the husband. I love sex enjoy having it my husband is older then me and is physically not capable of it. We have sex only once a week if that. I have tried not to think about sex anymore because it is depressing to me not having it that is. Is is wrong to go outside the marriage to have sex. I just want a good friend with benefits. Is this wrong. My husband can't give me what I need and want. He wants to but can't. He feels really bad, but I am tired of feeling guilty about thinking of going outside the marriage. * I love my husband very much and he loves me it would kill him if he ever found out I went outside the marriage. * HELP!!!


This is part of your answer. If these two are true then don't go outside your marriage. 

Have you cheated on him before?

So if he was able to have intercourse once a week and pleasure you in other ways at other times could that work for you?


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

Don't cheat on your husband. I think puttin drugs in him is a bad idea, get his circulation and testosterone checked.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

When people say "It would kill him if" they mean "The argument when I got caught would really suck..after of course I denied everything"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

As BigBadWolf has pointed out to you, there are more things you and your husband can do for each other than simply sexual intercourse.

From the desperate tone of your comment I have the feeling that you already have someone waiting in the wings who has told you that he is more than ready, willing and able to give you the amount of sex you crave. If that is the case then you need to know that you are on the verge of getting short term pleasure for the price of long term grief and heartache. 

Unless you want to find yourself divorced, I would not recommend that you cheat on your husband. If you don't believe me, just ask my ex-wife if the sex she got on the side was worth it. She now has to contend that I have a new woman in my life with whom I am sleeping with, and according to a mutual friend of ours, she's not handling it well.


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## Wishful Thinking1 (Jun 20, 2011)

This reply is for many of you. NO my husband is not willing to do any thing to please me. I have tried to talk to him about other ways. He just doesn't find that appealing I guess. He never has from day one of our relationship. I guess some men just suck at sex. I have tried to be the aggresser in the past, but after being let down several times you give up. So what if it is 3:00 in the morning. I am thinking about going outside the marriage.


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## Wishful Thinking1 (Jun 20, 2011)

Ayrun said:


> Don't cheat on your husband. I think puttin drugs in him is a bad idea, get his circulation and testosterone checked.


He already had everything checked out.


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## Wishful Thinking1 (Jun 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> This is part of your answer. If these two are true then don't go outside your marriage.
> 
> Have you cheated on him before?
> 
> So if he was able to have intercourse once a week and pleasure you in other ways at other times could that work for you?


Yes that would work for me. But he won't. I guess he grew up in a primitive society. No other ways but sex and then that is not that great.

Yes I have cheated on him before about 2 years ago. I became bored with that person. I don't know what it is about men there great at the beginning------------they get routine. I also felt really bad and didn't want my husband to find out. So I ended it.


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## Wishful Thinking1 (Jun 20, 2011)

Let me ask you all this. Is it fair to me not to have the sex and affection I need to enjoy life. Because my husband can not or won't in other ways. I am giving up a part of something I need and want. How is this fair even if I am married. But I do love my husband that is the dilemna for me. I really thought about leaving him at one point. My life is good though. Do I give that up just for a better sex life.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

If you don't have the commitment to work through this, do the honorable thing and file for divorce.

You might be surprised at his response to that.


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## BM178 (May 17, 2011)

Sex isn't everything. Being happy is. If you're that unhappy about it, don't cheat on him, just leave him. Tell him it's making you unhappy.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Don't reduce your marriage to a comfortable place to live provided by him.

If he can't or won't have sex with you and you need sex, then divorce him.

BTW, is it possible that he refuses you because he knows you cheat?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

this is a troll


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

Wishful Thinking1 said:


> Let me ask you all this. Is it fair to me not to have the sex and affection I need to enjoy life. Because my husband can not or won't in other ways. I am giving up a part of something I need and want. How is this fair even if I am married. But I do love my husband that is the dilemna for me. I really thought about leaving him at one point. My life is good though. Do I give that up just for a better sex life.


I love my job and they pay me great, but I really need to have my days to myself. The working part isn't working for me. Do I give up a good paycheck just to have my days to myself? It's not fair.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Conrad said:


> If you don't have the commitment to work through this, do the honorable thing and file for divorce.
> 
> You might be surprised at his response to that.


Indeed.

Your proposal to divorce him just might be what it takes to get him to end his complacency. If it doesn't then it shows where the two of you stand.

In any case, I'm with Conrad in that divorce is the most honorable way to go.


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## looking_4_answers (Jun 21, 2011)

Wishful Thinking1 I'm in the same situation. I've even talked openly about it to my wife and she does put forth some effort at times but we have sex about twice a month. It's not enough for me. My option is leave and file for divorce or cheat. I haven't done either yet. I have three children to think about. Ultimately I will choose one or the other and I too love my wife very much. If I could be with anyone I would choose her first, she is just not available. 

I say know your limitations and know the consequences. Let that information direct your decisions. Good luck.


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## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

Sweeping generalization of all men getting "routine". :'( I think, if you believe that is true, you should see if there are any brothels hiring. Oh, yeh, and don't cheat on your hubby...not really fair to him. Yes, you deserve to be happy, but not at your current husband's expense.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

To the OP and any other potential cheater, you should take cheating off the table. If you are not committed enough to your "needs" to go ahead and divorce, then they're really not needs, are they? Secondly, if you don't divorce, what kind of position have you put yourself in to find a quality person? What if you do accidentally find a quality person, won't you divorce then anyway? 

But more likely, you will find a cheating ho like yourself, who is willing to be second best, low self esteem, with no moral boundaries. When you go to end it (bored again) you are likely to cause them to go ballistic. You might be blackmailed, emotionally or financially. All this goes even if your choice is to cheat with a paid professional. How can you trust such a person?

You'll end up divorced in the end anyway, or back in the same situation, so why not divorce now. Have the courage of your convictions. At least you give your partner a fighting chance. If you cheat you have the same intention, but not the courage and no fair warning to your partner.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

WTF?? You got tired of the lack of sex with your husband than went outside the marriage and got "bored" with the sex from your lover? Wow. I think you need to look into getting help for yourself.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Can he operate a vibrator?
> 
> Does he have fingers?
> 
> ...


:rofl:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I hope that you seriously consider IC (individual counseling) to find out why you insist on being married to a man you find hard to faithful to. Maybe its not just the amount of sex that is at play here but your H's unwillingness to even try other ways to sexually satisfy you.

As it stands, all the signs point to you having another PA. If that happens, then it just may be the one your H finds out about. In that case, divorce is a forgone conclusion for its doubtful that your H will want to have anything to do with you, least of all having sex with you.

I truly hope that you chose wisely.


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## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

You married an older guy. I am going to assume the worst here and that you married an older man with a bit of extra money laying around. 

Well Boo hoo to you that the old guy doesn't rate sex as highly as you, perhaps you should have thought about that when choosing a husband.


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## Meerkat Hat (Jun 1, 2011)

Wishful Thinking1 said:


> This reply is for many of you. NO my husband is not willing to do any thing to please me. I have tried to talk to him about other ways. He just doesn't find that appealing I guess. He never has from day one of our relationship. I guess some men just suck at sex. I have tried to be the aggresser in the past, but after being let down several times you give up. So what if it is 3:00 in the morning. I am thinking about going outside the marriage.


Don't go outside the marriage (obvious, had to say it). But when you married him, you didn't vow to become celibate for the rest of your days. You vowed to be faithful to him. He vowed to be faithful to him. It's his obligation to provide you with the sexual side of a marriage. 

Drugs can only go so far, and they may be dangerous. All the non-intercourse ways of lovemaking should work in this situation...but he's unwilling (that is so strange to me). Maybe he has some issues from his past or something. Maybe he doesn't think it's OK to do these acts, or thinks that non-intercourse acts are unmanly. There's a book called "The Guide to Getting it On" that explains how a no-show erection doesn't need to ruin a good time. 

But he may need some therapy to get over his aversion to creative lovemaking...as I call it. It really is part of the marriage promise. You didn't sign up for celibacy.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> Can he operate a vibrator?
> 
> Does he have fingers?
> 
> ...


A fist:scratchhead: NO WAY.

My husband and I are the opposite. Sex is great, darn near everything else is lacking.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Wishful Thinking1 said:


> Let me ask you all this. Is it fair to me not to have the sex and affection I need to enjoy life. Because my husband can not or won't in other ways. I am giving up a part of something I need and want. How is this fair even if I am married. But I do love my husband that is the dilemna for me. I really thought about leaving him at one point. My life is good though. Do I give that up just for a better sex life.


Wow, pretty narcissistic. You should make a decision about what you value. If you have actually communicated with your husband and he has refused to work with you your sexual needs, then either accept it or get divorced.:scratchhead:


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