# What to do? Not sure why i am here..



## Not Happy (Sep 2, 2009)

I have been married for 6yrs this month.. This is my second marriage and his as well. We dont have children TOGETHER, however, i have a daughter and so does he. My problem is this: He is a work-aholic, an alcoholic, and uses marajuana daily. Yes the last two he did prior to our marriage,only then i thought it was a now and then occurance. Once married i have realized it is a daily habit. This causes many problems 1. he is very moody 2. passes out nightly 3. the sex is non-existant and many more daily issues. He never has anything nice to say to me or about me . He is 10yrs older than me and we are both nice looking and upper class. With that being said no one would ever expect him to have these issues, however, i get no attention from him at all. He is not affectionate, sensitive or caring. 
A few months ago i started talking to a friends husband on facebook. We went to school together and his wife and i work together. We have been talking for about 6 months now. In the past 6 months i have fallen deeply in love with my friends husband and i know he has fallen in love with me as well. I know it isnt right but neither of us are happy with our marriages. Have i fallen in love with this man because i do not get attention from my husband? Should i leave my husband and try life with the man i think of constantly? Please help i dont know what to do....


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

So you married a guy ten years older than you (daddy issues?) knowing that he was a drug and alcohol abuser and now you want to wreck not only one but two marriages by have a full blown affair with another man. The emotional affair isn't enough huh?

If you don't love the guy you're with, then get rid of him. You have one of the three reasons to divorce, abuse, addiction and adultery. So turn him loose...

If you do love the guy and want to save the marriage then you have a lot of work to do. You have to stop with the emotional affair, and again I must say, Facebook is evil. You need to see if he is willing to stop the pot and booze every day...

Your question about seeking out what you aren't getting from your husband...yes, that's what you're doing. The question is, are you strong enough to stop doing so until you have decided to either end your marriage or try and work things out.

Either way, if this guy is married, you need to know that you are wrecking his marriage as well and that if the two of you end up together, you have less than a 25% chance of making it work.

Preacher


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I agree that you need to stop connecting with the guy on FB first. Leaving one man for another is a mistake--it does not allow you to figure out what YOU need in life. So quit the FB connection cold turkey, and start some counseling--individual and/or joint therapy. Your head will clear and you will be able to make better decisions--or at least, decisions you don't second-guess later when things with Mr. FB don't work out and you are looking for someone/something to blame. Stand on your own two feet, completely alone, and then make decisions. 

It will be very, very hard to let go of the new guy, b/c you will feel heartbreak. Read "It's called a breakup because it's broken" for a laugh and some good advice on how to get over the guy. Most importantly, no more contact--zero, zip, nada. Hard? Yep. But you owe it to YOU so you don't run from one failed marriage to the next. And, you will get over him--you will deeply miss the conversation, but over time the longing fades and you'll get busy with other, more important things.

Good luck!


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

:iagree:
How good is this friend of yours? Do they have children? It will hurt so many people when this comes out and if they have children and it did happen to work out with you and her husband...she's always going to be in your life and she's not going to like you- you won't just be the new girl, you will be the friend that betrayed her. You are with him to fill the void in your relationship, but if he's going to cheat on his wife because things aren't going well then he'd do it to you too... love is great in the begining, but it takes work to keep it strong and new love is fun and exciting, but it doesn't mean everything would be perfect with him.


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## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

No, she did not marry a man 10 years older as a "Daddy" issue, she married him because she loved him...When you are in love you think you can change the world...You are looking for the peace and serenity that you were missing in life...Unfortunately, she married him thinking he would change or else she still had not learned her lesson in life...If she wasn't having sex with this man prior to marriage, why should she expect it now?...He is stoned because he loves this state of mind...Add to this as he ages his sexual function without proper stimulation by a woman, could become non-existent...

Now about the new guy...Get out of there...You are both playing a game of sexual want...It is escalating into something big...You are playing with two lives and in the end the only thing you will both have is maybe an hour of hot orgasms....

My suggestion is get your life straightened out with your spouse...If it isn't gonna work, it just isn't gonna work...Good luck....


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

JDPreacher said:


> So you married a guy ten years older than you (daddy issues?) knowing that he was a drug and alcohol abuser and now you want to wreck not only one but two marriages by have a full blown affair with another man.



I agree with that assessment and note I don't think you know what love is and are not marriage material.
Maybe you should divorce so you can go from one partner to another more easily? lots of people do that and are quite happy with it.
They remain single as to not hurt others, which is a good thing to do. Sounds like when you divorce your current husband you should not remarry.
Far as your feelings for the friend turned serious... I wouldn't worry about it, your feelings for people you love I think tend to come and go...


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

WOW what a predicament.

What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.

You are so cliché I wouldn't hesitate to throw a bible at you.

In love, out of love.

Basically, you suck

Think about this, nothing good will ever come out of betrayal, lies and darkness. 

What you give is what you are going to get, Karma is very important.

If you have to leave, leave,

No bonds, 

You can't start from betrayal.


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## goodbyegirl (Sep 2, 2009)

I think a lot of these responses are a tad judgmental, BUT they are right..in a way. Obviously, you don't want to be with your husband anymore. I didn't sense in any way that you still love him(or ever did, but I could be wrong). Don't use someone elses husband as an excuse to leave your marriage. Do it on your own and leave any third parties out of it. Also, how can you EVER have a successful relationship if it is founded from two people who are cheaters? Even if neither one of you never DID really cheat on each other, I guarantee that both of you would constantly be afraid that the other would. It's not worth it.


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