# Help! need advice for 10+ relationship/marriage



## Caligirl420 (May 17, 2010)

Hello, I am writing because I am in desperate need for advice. My husband and I have been together for 11 years now. 2009 is when we finially got married, after 10 years. We have 2 children, ages 4(girl) and 8(boy). My husband makes me feel so sick to my stomach  because he is just not into me but then sometimes he is totally into me. Im so confused, he wont let me divorce him because he says he cant ever see anyone else having me or he cant see himself without me, but them he will call me fat and ugly and a wh*re, idiot, etc. when we are fighting, I dont have any self esteem as it is and Im so depressed all the time because I have literally noone to talk to, I have no friends I can confide in who wont tell him, I dont want my family knowing we have so many issues, so I cant talk 2 them either. and when he is not mad he says how hot I am, and sexy and all that. The point is: I love him so much, we have been together since we were kids, but he makes me so sad when he calls me names, he finds any excuse he can to call me a name, he gets physical when hes mad and he has hit me, a few times and broke my finger once. But we have kids and the sex is awesome, Im a nympho so I always like to do it, which is great for him, but I hate doing it when our relationship just dwindles away, but we both realize people have sexual needs and it seems we are just best friends that just have sex, we are changing into different people, he makes me feel old, I want to feel young cuz I still am, and I want a guy that will be happy with me all the time, be proud of our relationship, stick up for me and not hide like a coward, not make fun of me, and most of all give me my self confidence I deserve, cuz he makes me feel like crap, please help, should I divorce? If he doesnt agree to divorce what should I do then? Are you forced to stay in a marriage? thanks to all  And about me: I like to hike, ride horses, smoke my medicine, ride dirt bikes, ( i love to go fast), play playstation 3, hang with my kids


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## Caligirl420 (May 17, 2010)

I mainly need advice from men I think cuz I dont know what is going through his head, we have been together for this long and we dont own one thing, we rent an apartment, so obviously I love him and I dont care for money, I have been poor all my life and still am, so if we divorce we have nothing to share besides the kids, Im just so upset, is it me or him? whats up?


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

First of all - if he's physical you need to leave! If not for you, then for the kids!! I'm not saying divorce him, but you need to get out of that situation. I don't care if he only does it when he's mad. That is not right! Get you and the kids safe, and then talk to him and see if he's willing to go to counseling - both marriage and individual counseling. He needs to see how he's treating you and that it's not right. And you need some individual counseling to get your self esteem back. And you can still divorce him even if he doesn't agree to it. It will be harder and take longer, but you can do it. But I would get yourself out of there first and try counseling. But don't go back to him until the both of you have been in counseling for awhile!


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## someguy888 (May 15, 2010)

First off, I'm so sorry to hear that you are having so many problems and you just tied the knot last year. I completely agree that you need to get yourself out of this situation. Any guy who physically harms a woman... I don't care if it's a slap... is a complete a** and wimp of a man. Get yourself and the kids into safety and *then* deal with the situation. There are laws to protect you and don't think for one second that this won't get worse. He broke your finger? Well, his violence will only get worse. If anything, do it for your kids.

No man worth your time calls someone names like he calls you, let alone his wife. He should be building you up, telling you how beautiful you are... not putting you down. I know you've been with him a long time but that is no justification to stay with him. As far as the kids, they don't need to see 2 miserable parents fighting all the time. They will be better off if you are somewhere safe... away from him... while you work things out. I highly recommend marriage counseling for you both so you can start to work through whatever underlying issues are causing his tirades as well as whatever issues are allowing you to put up with it.

Remember, never, ever stay with a guy that hits you. For you to still love him after that means that you have some deep emotional issues and aren't thinking clearly about the situation. You need to get out of there.


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## happysong (Jun 18, 2010)

I completely agree with someguy888 and hope you will find the strength that is inside you to stand up for yourself and your children. You may be trying to stay in the marriage for your kids, but thats precisely why you should leave. 

Mental and physical abuse of any kind is unacceptable. Dont lay yourself so thin to wait for him to be nice to you only to start abusing you a minute later. I would have suggested counseling or working on your marriage but things have gone far beyond in your case because of physical violence. If he beat you once, be assured he will try again. You have to GET OUT of it. 

Also please be assured the law will be on your side. He does not have to accept divorce, you can still chose to divorce your husband on the ground of physical violence.


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## holdingtwenty (Jul 28, 2010)

You need to leave for the sake of your kids. This affects them even if you think it doesn't. If he already broke your finger he can and will do something else to you. It is only a matter of time. You need to get away and try to find a safe home for you and your kids. Be Strong


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