# Can a man cheating on his gf love her?



## buff (Jan 7, 2013)

I am single. Started seeing a guy that I thought I knew pretty well back last year. After 6 months, I developed feelings and he still demanded that he didn't want a commitment. We had great chemistry but he kept me at arms length. He would tell me that he couldn't be the man that I deserved. That he couldn't show me that all men weren't bad. And that he wasn't a role model for my little ones. I then discovered that he had a long distant girlfriend (an hour away) and we broke things off. He swore he was going to be a changed man and not cheat on her. Settle down. That he has had a problem with not still living the singlelife. blahblah. I didn't get how he could say he wasn't what I deserved, but he was what she deserved. She also has a children, but they are older.
He has a fb acct. Never mentions her. No pics of her. Supposingly has been seeing her for well over a year. She is sort of a mystery to most here, although in her town they are widely known as dating. He even deleted pics if posted of her and deletes posts where she says I love you (on rare occasion).

Long story short, I bumped into him again after 8 months of not seeing him. He did help me out of a bad situation. I had a bad crisis occur. He offered his car for a few days and I took it. In the exchange, he stopped over. We had a pretty plutonic time. Watched a movie. His girlfriend called. She told him that she loved him over the line. And he responded that he loved her too. Within 30mins...he was all over me!!!!
He told me that he couldn't be in the same room with me...and that he couldn't give me more bc he is still seeing someone. 

Tell me. Is this man in love? Does he love her? Why would he do this??? Why would he continue to see her if he can't commit to her! And tells her that he loved her then make sex moves? Can someone in love cheat like this???
Many ppl say men seperate sex and love. I just don't get it. They aren't married!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

It's certainly ascertainable that he can, in some way, either love her, or thinks that he does and have feelings for her at the same time; it's just that he gives far wider latitude to "the thrill of the hunt" and the conquest of bedding other women that currently seems to take top priority in his life.

Having said that, only until such time that he gets all of that totally out of his system, he truly needs to be the single guy that he is so ardently representing himself to be!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Players fall in love if they want to.

Does your player love his GF? Not likely. He tells her and you what you want to hear. It works for him.


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## buff (Jan 7, 2013)

Well, he hasn't really told me anything. If anything, he has always been up front with me and not wanting a commitment. But how does one live to seperate lives? How does he sit right next me to tell her "I love you too" and then try to have sex with me? Before finding out about her, we had sex in "his close" friends car...which I now know was hers! I know that he would do anything for me, because he says so. But, he has a tendency to push me away quickly. And he continues to cling to her.

He says love is how you treat someone, and not in saying it. Please help me understand love... or the mind of a player.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

buff said:


> Well, he hasn't really told me anything. If anything, he has always been up front with me and not wanting a commitment. But how does one live to seperate lives? How does he sit right next me to tell her "I love you too" and then try to have sex with me? Before finding out about her, we had sex in "his close" friends car...which I now know was hers! I know that he would do anything for me, because he says so. But, he has a tendency to push me away quickly. And he continues to cling to her.
> 
> He says love is how you treat someone, and not in saying it. Please help me understand love... or the mind of a player.


Love is about both saying it and acting like it. It's also about respect, and I have to say he has none of this for either of you.

It doesn't matter whether he loves her or not does it? He still is getting sex (and attention) from both of you which is his goal.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

He doesn't have it figured out and there are no answers to your questions. He does what he does because he can. If it doesn't work for you, draw the boundaries so that your life makes sense, and don't expect him to make sense of it for you. lol.


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## buff (Jan 7, 2013)

I should clarify that I wasn't intimate with him that night. He tried. He is telling someone that he loves them...so no. I was only intimate with him 8 months prior to finding out about her. We were involved for 6 months but had been talking a good year beforehand loosely. 

But, I do care about him. And I don't know why. I just don't know what happened...I really liked him at one point.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is the definition of love? 

He has some kind of strong attachment to her that he is calling 'love'. His definition for 'love' is most likely not what your definition is.

He does what he does because he can. You are enabling his behavior.

If you are not comfortable with his not being manogomous, why are you involved with him?

Does she know that he has other women on the side?

Take him at his word. He's not going to commit to you.


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## buff (Jan 7, 2013)

I am not involved with him. I should have clarified. I was not intimate with him the night that he tried. I was only intimate with him 8mos prior to finding out about her. I realize that he won't commit. Frankly, I wouldn't trust him. I do care about him though... I am just trying to wrap my head around all of this. I thought I knew him. But now, he is so strange to me. This side of him. He posts biblical things via fb...but then does this. 

I am just trying to understand love. And how he can do this... He seems normal yet lives this second life.


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

50-50.
if they're both still in the hormones storm mode of relationship, no he cannot take 'extra dish'.
but when the hormones storm starts to clear up, and the relationship at this point is not entirely based on sexual attraction /tension only, player tends to get bored, so he takes something to nibble.

and no, you cannot understand love. we can try to understand the black hole, but not that one. love is one giant mystery.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Somehow some people are able to put things in different compartments in their minds.They can be in love with someone but still seek out others for physical and emotional attention.Other people don't work like that.

I can't explain love...I don't think anyone can.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

May I suggest you drop him like a hot potato and find someone worth your love and devotion?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Forum rules prohibit duplicate threads for the same topic, so the threads have been merged.


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## buff (Jan 7, 2013)

Thank you all for your responses... dropping like a hot potato is pretty good advice.

After reading through this I came to this conclusion. I am a pretty average person and feel as though I pretty well know what 'typically' being in love is and what it isn't. As an average person, I know cheating is not love. Especially when it is just your girlfriend. And he is no more than average, if not less. I am not going to give him credit for having a larger, more complicated definition of love... puhlease 

He doesn't respect her. He can't committ. He betrays her. He is not in love. 

Now, hmmm should I rat him out.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Nah. That's a can of worms. I'd just move on.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

buff said:


> . . . . *He doesn't respect her*. He can't committ. He betrays her. *He is not in love*. . . .


Bada-bing, Bada-boom - you hit that nail on the head Buff. In my book, respect is a condition precedent to love. 

Now, put the car in drive and get going. Forget about this looser he is not worth it and anything you might say to his girlfriend(s) is more likely than not to be interpreted wrong and create more trouble than its worth.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

A person who claims they are in love with more than one person is not completely in love with anyone.


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