# Next step? Me or Her?



## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

Hello everyone!

Let me preface by saying I am 38 and very new to dating. I met my ex when I was 20 (amicable split this year) and was very shy in High School so this is my first foray into the very confusing world...

I had what seemed to be a great first date. Several hours of conversation, drinks, dinner then onto a different location for more drinks. Lot's of subtle physical contact. Arm touching while talking or laughing, that kind of thing. As the night went on the barstools got closer and closer. Legs touching, candid conversations about past relationships or what we are looking for in future ones... We both brought up ideas for possible future dates. Seem to have a lot in common...

At the end of the night we both said we had a great time and I said "I would like to see you again" and she said that would be nice, she was doing some traveling this week etc. She is a mom of 2 kids 8 and 10 and been divorced for 6 years. I did not go for a kiss as i feel the first date needs to not run that fast. We did hug...

Not long after we left I sent a quick text saying again that I had a great time and she replied with the same. 

Next day I sent a text saying how great she looked that night and a few other things. She replied "That may be the sweetest text I have ever got!" Ah - modern technology LOL!

So over the next few days we exchanged texts here and there and email or two. Mostly saying hi or checking in. Then last week I was out and saw some candy she had mentioned in passing was her favorite so I thought "Why Not?" and bought a few bags, some Easter grass and sent them to her office (she told me where she works) with a note that said...

I say these and remembered you said you liked them. Have a Happy Easter!

When she got them (last THursday morning) she texted "That was so sweet! Thank you and Happy Eater to you too!" I asked if they were the right ones as there were 10 different kinds and she said "They were perfect!" I then told her to drive safe to her family's house for Easter and have a great time. We would catch up when she got back. To which she replied "Talk to you soon!"

Not wanting to be smothery and needy I have left it alone since then. 

My question is... Do I just wait for her or in a day or two check in. I did like her and would love a second date but again I don't want to seem pushy and needy. But I don't want to play it so cool that I come off uninterested.

Thoughts?


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## psionivy (Apr 4, 2011)

you have kept up with her. I would in a few days txt her and ask her out for a second date but give it a few days, you don't want to seem smothering. It is a good sign she has replied to your txt with nice comments so I think she is interested but chill a bit and see if she contacts you.


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

Ok... We have had no contact since last Thursday as I said we would catch up when she gets back. I'll give it some time to see. Thanks!


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## psionivy (Apr 4, 2011)

you are welcome, she just may be tring to get back in the swing of things after Easter. I would give it till Thursday and then just ask her out for a second date.


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

I think I can hold out until Thursday! Man... if I read all this wrong I need to go in for an intensive "Reading women's signals" class or something. Lol!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Don't message her until Friday ... or at least wait a day or two _after_ she has returned. Let her get settled. If she contacts you? All the better.

Don't ask for the second date, simply plan it - and then invite her to your plan. One of my favorites for real ice-breaking is a breakfast or brunch date. Be specific about where you are going and what time.

If she can't make that ... it then becomes incumbent upon her to suggest an alternative ... which also assures that she does want to see you again.

Welcome to the trenches. Good luck.


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

Friday? Hmmmm.... not sure my willpower can hold out. lol! Thanks for the tip. I was thinking along the lines of making some plans and inviting her. We have a new art museum that opened not long ago. Be great for conversation...


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

Screw it... I just dropped her a quick note to see how her Easter was. We haven't had contact for 6 days... thats long enough and its almost been two weeks since our date. She either wants to see me again or doesn't. Only one way to find out. Plan something, ask her to go with me and take it from there based on whatever her response is.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

And???? Yep, I'm being nosey. I have no current dating life, so figured I'd see how it is going for others. Hopefully it went well and your update will be encouraging.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Lpt51173 said:


> Screw it... I just dropped her a quick note to see how her Easter was. We haven't had contact for 6 days... thats long enough and its almost been two weeks since our date. She either wants to see me again or doesn't. Only one way to find out. Plan something, ask her to go with me and take it from there based on whatever her response is.


I can't stand it! What happened now? Lol did she respond?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

LOL!! I'll find out tonight. I asked her how her Easter was via text and she said:

"Had a nice time with family. You?"

Told her about mine then asked her:

"Are you selectively snacking on those peanut butter eggs or downing them by the bag?"

She said:

"Haha. Rewarding myself with one or two here and there and sharing with less fortunate co-workers!"

We small talked (texted) for a bit. I knew her oldest had a birthday asked about that, she mentioned they have a rollerskating party this weekend, made some jokes about skating etc. etc.

Then I asked if I could call her later (it was about 7:45pm) and she said she had her kids that night and said "Tomorrow?" So we set a time for 9pm

I am going to run under the assumption we are going out again as I would hope she would have let me know by now if she wanted me to scram so I am going to just take the ball and run with it. I am thinking the tone in her voice and the ease of conversation will tell me something. I have a few topics on hand to make sure things flow nicely. Wont drag it out too long though...

I'll report back in.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

:smthumbup:


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

So after some miscommunication we finally got on the damn phone. Like the old days. No email, no text. Actual human voices speaking to each other.

Long story short, we are going out again next week...


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

So it turns out our next date is actually a daytime thing (festival) and we will have our kids (we have girls the same age).

I'll take it... at this point we really are just friends and I figure if she is already ok with me meeting her girls (again, as just friends) then all is moving forward in a positive motion. 

She said she may have two days next week open but she is very busy with work and travel for it so it may be two weeks before we have that proper 2nd date.

All good stuff as far as I can tell right now...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

More mid-life dating advice from the trenches ...

Never presume you are exclusive. Don't behave as if you are exclusive.

Target some other dates with other women. And ... have fun with your friend.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

I have dabbled a little into the dating scene since my divorce. I have also nowhere near polished up enough on my dating skills to be able to date more than one guy at a time. Did not even realize how I presumed to be the “exclusive” a guy would date until a man I started dating (and did for a length of time) asked me in the very beginning what my belief was on that. We had gone out on about 3 dates and had maybe hugged goodbye when ending 2 of those dates. On somewhat of a fourth date, he and I were having a conversation in my living room when he said something like, “When I’m truly interested in seeing someone, I believe you should focus your attention on just that person and not other prospects. What are your beliefs on that?” That little voice inside my brain said, “Gosh! It didn’t even dawn on me that was something I needed to verify in this whole dating scene?” My outside voice answered with a simple, “Yes. I feel the same way.” 

At least I have an idea on how that part of the dating stuff works. I’m still trying to figure out quite a bit of it though. LOL!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I don't suggest 'dating around' to be frivolous. It's actually important ... especially if your last relationship was a long term marriage that went sour.

You need to find your feet ... for you, not someone else. And by getting to know yourself through interacting with different members of the opposite sex, you become much more in tune with what you desire, and expect from a potential partner. Keep your premium high instead of simply giving it away to the first person that pays a mild amount of attention to you.

Be selfish. I mean that in the highest and most positive way, not the in the gutter, manipulative way.


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

Exclusive never entered my mind. We've only had one date. I am just trying to read her.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Lpt51173 said:


> Exclusive never entered my mind. We've only had one date. I am just trying to read her.


I completely understand. Been there. I don't mean to come across as 'preachy'. Just familiar with the road you find yourself upon, and sometimes feel inclined so share some of the bumps, hair-pin turns, and gorgeous stretches of open road I've experienced.

Hope your experiences are positive.


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

Well i cast her to the curb. I got tired of always doing the chasing, asking out, seeing how her days was... And most of all I got tired of finally setting dates only to have them cancelled.

Man... did she missed out.

On a more positive note... I have had three dates with this one girl since last Wednesday. It's going very well.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

And that's how we roll. Good for you.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

b*tches ain't sh*t but hoes and tricks

-Gandhi


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

Thought I would update folks. The girls I have had three great dates with... she's incredible in every single way. We are having a great time getting to know each other and I feel a good healthy relationship starting.

There are good ones out there!!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Runs like Dog said:


> b*tches ain't sh*t but hoes and tricks
> 
> -Gandhi


Don't know how I missed this. *Wipes laughter tear*


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