# Married for 7 years..craving same sex experimentation..help!



## theshiva89 (Nov 17, 2015)

so it all started back when I was a senior in high school. I came from a rather small town, and people were super close minded there, including my parents. A few people had came out of the closet, but not many. Anyways, I would notice myself checking out other men's penile regions during P.E. I didnt think much of it at the time, as I thought it was normal and that I was just comparing the size of my penis to other guys. Fast forward to my freshman year of college, and I noticed that I started becoming more curious about anything that involved the penis. From giving oral sex, to getting anal..the curiosity grew by the day. I started looking at bi and gay porn on occasion, and that just made the fantasies more intense, more vivid. Fast forward a couple years, and I meet my wife. Urges are still there, and trying to push them away. I began to seek the advice from her female friends after we graduated from college. I didnt know how to handle my thoughts, and thought it was a good idea at the time. The sad thing was, it ended up costing my wife and i the friendship with her best female friend from college. The girl was in our wedding too. Apparently she didnt appreciate me talking to her before my wife. my wife and I have spoken a few times about things..but its always kinda akward. It has been discussed twice. Once after she found out i had spoken to other women, and the second was after i had trouble performing during sex.

Ok, so the first time we discussed it was when her sister told her I had been speaking with her female friends for advice. My wife was more pissed that I wasnt talking to her, but immediately started asking me "are you gay?", am I enough, etc. 

So, I told her I wasnt..which i dont think i am fully gay. I explained to her that I was curious abotu how i came off to people, and thats why I had asked.

Fast forward about 6 months. We had been drinking, and ended up having sex. I had trouble finishing, and it really bothered me. So, at the end of the sex..I started talking about things and how when I cant orgasm inside of her, I start thinking my body is trying to tell me I am gay. I told her that I was curious about giving oral and getting anal..which she already knew. She said she thought it is normal to wonder about things..and then towards the end of the convo, she asked if i was single, would I come out as bisexual. I told her it was a strong possibility. The conversation ended after that.

to this day, I still crave it. I have seen a therapist..but it only seems to make the confusion worse. Little things over the years have happened with the wife..she has either seen things or heard things..

Any advice?


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Have you posted here before?

I seem to recall reading this exact story a few months ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Go see a therapist to explore your sexual identity and please don't keep your wife in the dark about the results.


----------



## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

You had posted the exact same thread a few months ago, all I can say is that if the therapist you have is not helping you then find another or divorce your poor wife and find out who you really are.

That is if you are not a troll, considering you never really responding to you thread a few months ago just that this female you talk to about your sexual life was also your friend in college too.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Nothing really more to post here other than if you want to follow that path, divorce your wife and have fun. She will be better off.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Its really simple. You're gay. divorce your wife and find some boyfriends. Nuff said.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Of course you are gay! Dunno about the bisexual bit - do you find women's bits attractive ?


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You posted here before and got the same answers, you are gay. Straight men don't fantasize and fixate on giving oral and receiving anal from men.


----------



## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

theshiva89 said:


> Little things over the years have happened with the wife..she has either seen things or heard things..


What the hell could that POSSIBLY mean?

Do you really not know you're gay?


----------



## theshiva89 (Nov 17, 2015)

I honestly do not think i am gay. I love women on every level. Sexually, emotionally..etc. I just get bored and really curious about giving oral sex. I think what has caused the most problems so far is that ive spoken with her female friends for advice on how to approach her.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

theshiva89 said:


> I honestly do not think i am gay. I love women on every level. Sexually, emotionally..etc. I just get bored and really curious about giving oral sex. I think what has caused the most problems so far is that ive spoken with her female friends for advice on how to approach her.



If you aren't gay what is it you need to approach her about? Your overwhelming desire for a d!ck in your mouth and a side of anal? Come on! Step out of the closet. Stop talking to other people about it if you aren't going to admit the truth about what you are. This is just tired.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
straight = only interested in sex with the opposite gender
gay / lesbian = only interested in sex with the same gender
bisexual = interested in sex with both genders.

Of course reality is more complicated - someone might only want to actually have sex with one gender, but fantasize about the other. Lots of other variants. 

The labels don't matter. What does matter is that unless agreed otherwise, when you are married, you are expected to only have sex with your spouse. I suspect most married people at least some of the time are attracted to people other than their spouses, but the marriage agreement generally does not let them act on that attraction.


----------



## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> The labels don't matter. What does matter is that unless agreed otherwise, when you are married, you are expected to only have sex with your spouse. I suspect most married people at least some of the time are attracted to people other than their spouses, but the marriage agreement generally does not let them act on that attraction.


Ever watch "Married with Children"? I'm showing my age. Anyhow, Al would come back from the nudie bar and ravage his wife. She would love it as part of the skit. He was low drive with her until he got really revved up by looking at others. Other WOMEN. So he could satisfy that urge at home.

Not so much when he's fantisizing about hairy balls hitting his chin. He's gonna' need to step out for that one.

Not the same. MUCH more dangerous to a marriage.


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

theshiva89 said:


> * I have seen a therapist..but it only seems to make the confusion worse.* Little things over the years have happened with the wife..she has either seen things or heard things..
> 
> Any advice?


Seeing a therapist made the confusion worse? How so? 

Advice... get a divorce. Your craving to swallow a penis is going to destroy your wife's self esteem. You need to work out your sexuality to eliminate any 'confusion'. 

You may think the divorce will hurt her, and it will. But staying and 'exploring' will become death by a thousand paper cuts. Much more painful.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

theshiva89 said:


> I just get bored and really curious about giving oral sex.


Take some yoga lessons and blow yourself, problem solved.

I don't think that counts as gay...


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> Take some yoga lessons and blow yourself, problem solved.
> 
> I don't think that counts as gay...


But I thought if men could blow themselves they wouldn't need us >
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> But I thought if men could blow themselves they wouldn't need us >
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I'm only 2 and a half inches away from never needing to talk to a woman ever again in my life.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

The penile regions? That's near the Balkans right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> But I thought if men could blow themselves they wouldn't need us >
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Baby girl there ain't no way a man can do anything to themselves that would take place of what ya'll can do. You girls are just such exquisite creatures from head to toe, there could never be a substitute that would make this old boy happy. Take my word for it.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

theshiva89 said:


> I honestly do not think i am gay. I love women on every level. Sexually, emotionally..etc. I just get bored and really curious about giving oral sex. I think what has caused the most problems so far is that ive spoken with her female friends for advice on how to approach her.


not gay, you sound bisexual. Since this is a marriage forum, the only real question is "is your wife ok with this?". Some are, some find it abhorrent. 

Apparently there are many marriages with one partner Bi, BUT they choose to NOT have same sex physical acts outside of the marriage. They keep it to online porn.

Others have MFMs with the wife in the room.

Others go searching for other guys. In that case, you really need to come up with a plan to NOT spread any STDs to your wife!

one thing that is very confusing, WHY are you discussing this with your wife's female friends? That sounds a little weird. Are you trying to seduce these female friends?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I wonder if he wrecked his marriage, yet?


----------



## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

theshiva89 said:


> Any advice?



Yes, as a mater of fact. Accept that you are "full on gay" and let your wife go to find someone more to her liking. You can then do the same.




theshiva89 said:


> I told her that I was curious about giving oral and getting anal..which she already knew. She said she thought it is normal to wonder about things.



Ladies:
Society has groomed you to think that this is "cool" and "natural" and that you need to accept it or you are a homophobe. If a man craves something you will never be able to give him, and he can get it EASILY elsewhere, he probably will. A man with a craving for wood badly enough that he will tell you about it is pretty well into it. Be warned.


----------



## becareful (Jan 28, 2016)

You're not satisfying your wife in the bedroom because of your craving for same sex encounters. Eventually she may feel that she's not woman enough and may seek fulfillment in the arms of another man. Do the right thing and divorce her. Don't string her along any longer.


----------



## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

You say you aren't gay but you have trouble performing with a female i.e. your wife. Eventually your marriage will collapse. Your wife is not going to be able to deal with having a gay husband. Cut your losses, divorce your wife, and go experience the life you want to live. Also, have you ever been physically attracted to a man. Not just the genitals but to an actual man.


----------



## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

theshiva89 said:


> ...I told her that I was curious about giving oral and getting anal..which she already knew. She said she thought it is normal to wonder about things...


Others can correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think even most heterosexual women fantasize about giving oral. It's not like a penis in your mouth stimulates you physically - it's psychological - you're giving pleasure to the man. That definitely seems gay or bi to me in your case. The fact that you're pleasuring another man is an important part of that fantasy.

As for Anal, I'm sure there are plenty of things, from tongues to fingers to toys you wife can use on you to give you anal. The bottom line is, is it important in your mind that this be a man doing it?

Also - have you ever met/seen a man who you wanted to have sex with? I've had a few lesbian sex fantasies, but I have never in real life actually been attracted to a woman or wanted any real life woman sexually. Ick. It could just be a "forbidden fruit" thing in your case though you seem obsessed enough it's probably more than that.

I'm not so sure it's normal to wonder about things. At least if most men wonder about giving head, they don't mention it... Besides, you seem more obsessed than just "wondering."

Regardless, if you are sexually attracted to your wife and you love her, you took vows to be sexually exclusive to her. So other people, men and women, are off the table.

My suspicion is that you are bisexual and obsessing over sex with men because, being married, you know that is something you will never get to experience. I'm not sure what you should do about that though. I guess either divorce your wife now and go explore, or stop fantasizing about it which is making you feel dissatisfied/trapped since you're married to a woman.


----------



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

If you are having trouble preforming with your wife and there is a history here...then you are gay.

If you are having preforming issues (Temporarily) because of identity anxiety they you possibly are a closeted bisexual with a fixation of homoerotic thoughts. You can be attracted to a female but you are possibly actually FIXATED on homosexual activities. This may be because you have never explored that. I am not advising exploration.

I advise since this has been a problem for years. To the point you talked to HER friend about it??? My husband did that only he is straight. I still don't get that motivation.... You need to divorce your wife. She is not at fault, you should have never married her being that you don't know who you are OR your sexuality. You can't say yet if you are gay, you want to explore. 

So...go explore, but leave your wife first.... Poor wife, but you will be doing her a kindness.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

This just screams troll post but on the slightest of chances that it's real, just jerk off and fantasize about dudes but leave it at that. Don't victimize your poor wife. She doesn't deserve it.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

The same advice I would give a woman applies to you too. Being bisexual does not give you a free pass to experiment. Homosexual sex is cheating if you are not married to that person. You must focus on your marriage and on your wife, or get a divorce and try the bi-life. You are not entitled to cheat just because you may be bisexual. 

I have no desire to have oral or anal sex with a man. In fact, I wouldn't even want to watch two guys having sex (porn). So, I'm hetero. You are undoubtedly bisexual or gay. I don't think that's a question at this point. If the desire is strong enough you'll simply have to divorce and fulfill your fantasies. But, don't use it as an excuse to cheat on your wife.


----------



## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> The penile regions? That's near the Balkans right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No it's near Ballzacistan it's across the Black Sea and further east past the Caspian


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> The same advice I would give a woman applies to you too. Being bisexual does not give you a free pass to experiment. Homosexual sex is cheating if you are not married to that person. You must focus on your marriage and on your wife, or get a divorce and try the bi-life. You are not entitled to cheat just because you may be bisexual.
> 
> I have no desire to have oral or anal sex with a man. In fact, I wouldn't even want to watch two guys having sex (porn). So, I'm hetero. You are undoubtedly bisexual or gay. I don't think that's a question at this point. If the desire is strong enough you'll simply have to divorce and fulfill your fantasies. But, don't use it as an excuse to cheat on your wife.


I vote he confides in his wife. Maybe she'll help him out and he doesn't have to cheat. They could buy her a strap-on and she could give him a good rodgering.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

All I can say is go get professional help. You are not thinking clearly. That shyt ain't right man. Sorry.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Have you posted here before?
> 
> I seem to recall reading this exact story a few months ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Almost word for word. Only that time it was posted in SIM.

The draw bridge is open.


----------



## theshiva89 (Nov 17, 2015)

Basically, i jhust have fantasies of giving oral sex. When I first started realizing this..i was really scared of the fantasies and began seeking advice from my wife and i's female friends. I knew there was a chance that I wouldnt be judged as much from a woman, rather than confiding in male friends. Oddly enough, i find the idea of kissing a man weird and have no interest in it. 

I have been seeing a therapist, but it just seems to make the confusion worse. Like, there are days I feel bisexual..and other days the fantasies weird me out. My wife and i work opposite schedules, so our sex life has always been difficult to maintain because of that. I work overnight, she works during the day.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Maybe your wife's friends have husbands or boyfriends (or perhaps both if their husbands have the same proclivity ) that have the same interest. They could set you up. 
In the meantime, there is always Craigslist. I'm sure there are enough gay guys that would be willing to satisfy your curiosity. Not the steal the trade mark of Nike, but just do it.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Okay what you really are is sexually immature. That's not a bad thing although is ...confusing.

Women and your girlfriend are not going to be able to help you. And since women your age are often as hormonally driven for what their bodies want as the men are, your discussion about such private things are going to be socially damaging to your partner!! (and not in a small way).

What's happening is basically you're obsessing.

the more you think about something, yet have nothing else to take your attention, the stronger the mind will keep fiddling with it. WARNING: this is how some _really_ unhealthy sexual obsessions can start.

Sadly most therapists won't be able to help you at all - they like to fix things; or like you to come to an answer yourself. Which is bol..cks useless if you're confused, a bit immature (ie "unworldly") and don't actually know. I'd expect about 1 in 10 perhaps would be clued up enough to help, because remember they're just people too.

The bad thing is that you're likely to continuing to obsess about such things, and once you get oral then you'll have an obsessing habit which will want to find something new and edgy to obsess over. Not so bad if you are gay, a bit inconvenient if you're most people and not a kinsey extreme. That's also the kind of thing that tends to get people getting into darker and weirder p0rn, because they want the some emotional entanglement from sex and p0rn that they are getting from their obsession... which can lead to sexual disfunction and anorgasmic sideeffect. the bad news is it tends to take a bit of a nasty "trainwreck" event to break such habits (the equivalent of a smoker having a near death or friend die of lung cancer) to really kick it.

You *might* be able to swinging groups...and there are bars that cater to people in your situation......the bad news is it is a completely disrespectful to your partner. Because if she's not sexual social, dealing with -your- issue could be a deal breaker relationship wise because the problem isn't going away, and they only surety you'll ever get will result in cheating on her with a man - not a good place to be at all. also all options offer higher risk.

I must admit I really don't envy your choice.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

You are in a heterosexual marriage feeling same-sex thoughts and it is causing you individual stress, what is not clear is the stress in that marriage and your wife's feeling about your confused desire outside of asking if you were single how would your sexuality be? It seems there is little conflict with her, but is she willing to share you in your exploration?

If not, then your problem is now two-fold... your controlling desire and your need to remain faithful.

You are not your thoughts and emotions, you only feel them, therefore you have choices you can make instead of letting them be your focus of a phallic infatuation.

As mentioned earlier by others with wise advice, your feeling themselves do not give you free reign without boundaries. Be completely honest and clear with your wife, it seems as you have been more with others than her, this need to end or you will not end well with her. Even her love for you will have boundaries and this may be one, but better to risk ending it with honesty and friendship (she does sound your friend), than to create a divide that will leave resentment and bitterness to overcome.

Also, drinking affects sex and judgement... if you are already confused it would be wise to keep this in moderation if not stop altogether while seeking counseling.

In the end, confusion is your mind's way of not accepting what you know to be true but can't find the courage to see. There are many support groups out there that will be happy to listen without judgement in the GLBT community.

Accept what it is, whatever it is... perhaps it is a journey you wife will be willing to take with you, but do not lose your integrity in word and deed along that path at any cost.


----------

