# Life after reconsilation



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Me and my husband have reconciled after we were seperated with intent to divorce. He dated someone, but kept it a secret from me, until he was trying to reconcile with me and not contacting her. She posted on his FB wall and I soon found out about her. Now she is constantly in my thoughts. I feel compared to her even though he's with me. My husband seems to make more comments about things he doesn't like about my body. I feel compared. I'm sure he would not come right out and say her boobs are better than mine. He's the type to not tell me what he thinks, but just give me little clues. Like this morning he joined me in the shower and said wow the kids really did a number on my boobs. I don't think my boobs look that awful, but it seems that he was maybe day dreaming about when I can get breast implants. Of course he won't come out and say it. I do want breast implants when we can afford it. I do think my whole nipple size is not comparable to the overal size of my breasts. When I was nursing I was a size C and that's what I aim for. I can't gain weight no matter how many calories I eat, so I just don't have the body fat needed to have the size they could be.

I just don't feel as confident as I did in my looks before our seperation. I also wish to god that I could change the past and I didn't do what I did. I feel if I didn't do what I did he wouldn't have been with another woman and now I feel I am sharing him with her. I'm constantly feeling that he might be thinking of her, remembering her and even visiting her. She lives in our city and he knows where she lives. 

He supposedly went out to the movies with his dad on Friday, but I feel like I need to check to make sure that's what he was doing. He usually has a movie stub, but I couldn't find one this time .
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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

How are things with his job..I suggest counseling to work on your trust issues.
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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

justwhy said:


> How are things with his job..I suggest counseling to work on your trust issues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Plus in counseling the therapist could help you talk to him about your insecurities (if you can't on your own) and let him know that he is hurting you by talking about your body the way he does. 

My H was always into legs (I have always felt they were my worst asset) it made me feel so insecure. I finally talked to him about it and he reassured me and made me feel okay and he didn't know it hurt my insecurities. They were just that my own insecurities. I never liked my boobs either... and he reassured me there too. We are harder on ourselves than the men are.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My husband is laid off right now, but we do go to marriage counseling paid through a program at his union. In our last counseling session sex was brought up. My husband tried to change the subject at every opportunity. This morning my Husband told me he didn't like our conversation in counseling on the personal stuff. Which I assume meant sex, he would not make it clear what personal stuff he was actually talking about.

While my husband was down stairs and I was upstairs I texted h about his comments about my boobs and he said I needed to chill out. 

I can only assume that my Husband may be looking forward to me eventually getting a boob job as he will not be clear with me other than the fact he says one year we will spend our tax return on them
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds to me that a boob job is the first priority here. So when your tax return comes in this hear just use it for that. Let him know that since your boobs bother him so much you have to do this. He will just need to post for work on craigslit doing things like yard work, etc to make up for the money since he has no job.

How much has his body changed since you two dated?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> It sounds to me that a boob job is the first priority here. So when your tax return comes in this hear just use it for that. Let him know that since your boobs bother him so much you have to do this. He will just need to post for work on craigslit doing things like yard work, etc to make up for the money since he has no job.
> 
> How much has his body changed since you two dated?


i dont agree with this at all.

it sounds like you are the only one trying to reconcile.
he doesnt seem to be doing anything towards helping you.

he is putting you down and making you feel like crap and you think new boobs will fix this?
he treats you like that and in return you are going to have an elective cosmetic surgery done?
this is just silly to me.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

I totally agree with 2nd_time. Don't go through surgery to try to make your husband love you more. He should accept you the way you are. He should be happy for your body, it gave him children.

The fact that he dismisses your feelings is not good. If he cared, he would acknowledge how you feel and avoid making these kinds of comments.


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

if you want the boobs do it. but it is a catch 22 because if your husband God forbid every step out again and the girl has little boobs all your trust issue and boobs issues will come back..

I had an ex-friend that cheated with anything.. skinny, fat, short, tall, big boobs, little boob, etc
the female they cheat with has nothing to do with you.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

If he is unemployed and wants you to get a boob job. This seems pretty shallow to me. What will he want next?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

He is unemployed, but attached to work through union. If we were not moving out of state he would take a job out of state now. There is no work in his field in our state. My Husband does not try to put me down on purpose. He does try to put just as much into our marriage. He's much more effectionate than what he was before our seperation. 

If I could get the boobs ASAP I would this year, but we have to use our tax return on needed things. We are in the bankrupcy process, so we are using it to move out of state. Just waiting for it to get here so we can put a deposit on a house. Next year most of our tax return is taken because of this bankrupcy.
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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Seriously - your husband makes you feel like crap about your body, he cheated on you, he's unemployed, you're claiming bankruptcy, and you are seriously thinking about getting a boob job to make him happy?!?!?!

What is WRONG with this picture?!?! 

You do know that the fact he isn't happy with your boobs is just a symptom of WAY bigger problems, right? And that after you get the boob job, the problems will still be there. Then he'll start dropping hints about your a$$ and your wrinkles and your jowls.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

How rude  To comment about your breasts and say the kids did it?

I couldn't be intimate with a man who said things like that to me.

Screw him. I'd leave his broke ass and trade up. You can do better.

The kids did a number on my body! Holy wow! But my hubs still loves it. As any man should since we had THEIR children.

Sorry, but your husband is a POS.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Yes my husband did cheat, but I did too. I wish to god I didn't. I feel like if I had not had a mostly EA over the computer and text that I would not have asked my Husbsnd to leave our home. Which started the seperation and divorce proceedings. During the time we were seperated he had done kind of a relationship with a crazy ***** with 3 kids of her own. Even if my Husband didn't make that comment, which was just once...I would still feel uncomfortable about my boobs. I've never felt confident except when nursing. I just want to be able to wear outfits with built in bras snd outfits where a bra is not an option. His relationship just complicates my insecurities to the coir. Especially since she messaged me with a bunch of lies. 

The bankrupcy is not just his fault and not just my fault. It's a new start for us and a needed one. We are even starting our lives over in another state. 

My Husband is a great man and I'm not sure what's he's thinking when he says those comments occasionally, but it's never said meanly. He has been paying much more attention to my breasts. He's not one to be able to
Communicate very well....which really sucks!! I know I'd feel better if our sex life was better too. He's almost all healed from a hernia surgery so hopefully we will start our sex life again soon. 

We are going on a reconsilation cruise in 2 weeks. Also he has planned to renew our vows on a cruise next year.
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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

He still sounds abusive to me. Please buy or borrow a copy of "Why does he do that? inside the minds of angry and controlling men" written by Lundy Bancroft and read it more than once.

Abuse is so much more than physical assault...it's the little things they do to break you down little by little. And they can't be fixed, they are just broken human beings. DO NOT go to couples counseling with your husband...marriage counseling does not work with abusive individuals it just gives them an opportunity to put on their act and beat you down even more. Go to individual counseling and look at the violence wheel that I have linked below....my husband was emotionally, financially and sexually abusing me for years....and I was waiting for that punch in the face to confirm that it was abuse and not in my head...it didn't escalate to something violent until I woke up to him holding a pillow over my face while he raped me...I am damn lucky he didn't kill me that night(or any other night)....please seek counseling, look at the wheel, read the book and make a plan.


Violence Wheel - Domestic Violence


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I have seen a couple of post here over the past year where a guy encouraged the boob job and lost the women to another guy because of the upping of sexual ranking.


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