# So, my parents know.



## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

My WH told me from the beginning he'd tell them if I wanted him to. It was a difficult decision for me because we don't speak to his family, they are all batsh!t crazy (apparently he's not too different) and we have been no contact with them for 3 and 1/2 years now. My parents are like his parents. He loves to hang out with them, my dad is like a mentor to him (his dad died when he was 19), it's not a typical "in law" relationship. They really treat him as a son. So, I knew it would really break their hearts and I wasn't sure if things would be different in the event I wanted to reconcile. Finally, Friday after he kept trickle truthing me, I said FINE, tell them. 

Not sure how much support I am going to get with D if that's what I decide to do. They are all in favor of fixing it, working it out, especially since we now have a son and they don't "want that for the baby." It's funny, I thought to myself I didn't want them to know because I didn't want them to be mad at him forever and now I'm like...can you just be a little more mad...? 

It's kind of frustrating feeling pressure to R from your own parents.

Anyone relate?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Exposure of the A is not supposed to make you feel better it is to hold the WS feet to the fire. Have you exposed the A to that tramps family. The idea is to make sure the A is dead and buried

While you are deciding on what to do keep up with verifying. Have you started IC yet it will help

You should also be honest with your parents that you need them to have your back on this. As a parent my self with grandkids I would be looking at what is best for them


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

The only way I can relate is that under duress, I told my parents that my pen-pal relationship that my WS knew I had been chatting with for years, suddenly (to her) turned into an EA, while all the while she was having an EA/PA with her OM. I told my parents I had an online affair, but after I found out abour HER dirty deeds, she hasn't told a soul.


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## now_awake (May 29, 2013)

Yes, I'm dealing with something similar! My father actually treats him better now. They have not confronted him about it at all. My parents are the king and queen of denial. We never spoke about problems...ever. 

It's making me feel like I'm not worth standing up for. Sometimes I want to tell all three of them to go suck a lemon.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

distraughtfromtexas said:


> Not sure how much support I am going to get with D if that's what I decide to do. They are all in favor of fixing it, working it out, especially since we now have a son and they don't "want that for the baby." It's funny, I thought to myself I didn't want them to know because I didn't want them to be mad at him forever and now I'm like...can you just be a little more mad...?
> 
> It's kind of frustrating feeling pressure to R from your own parents.


 Your parents are telling you what you do not want to hear. Now that you have a child you must factor in what is best for your child into the equation. If you read my past posts you will see that I do not go easy on EA or PA cheaters. In reading what you have posted I agree with your parents that you should give R a real chance. It was a very early stage EA and many in the fog would not even recognize that it was cheating even after it was pointed out to them. Your husband was different in that he took responsibility and his actions since D day have been very good; in fact most on this board that have been cheated on would envy you in how well your husband has responded to your requests.

From my point of view, based on what you have said, you pursuing divorce indicates to me that their is more to this than we have been told. They never got physical, he never told her that he loved her, lying was not a big factor as he admitted and agreed to full no contact almost immediately. This was the least bad (from "Argo") EA story that I have ever read on this board. With a young child to consider, unless there is more to the story, I agree with your parents that R is your best option. It may not be what you want to hear, but you are on this board to ask for advice.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, parents are very often not in favor of D when there are children involved. Especially if the parents are conservative or come from a generation where parents stayed for the child. Not to mention if they are very fond of their son-in-law or daughter-in-law.

In the end, it will have to be *your *decision what you do because it's your life and no one else's.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Fortunately, my family was all supportive of ending the relationship


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

distraughtfromtexas said:


> My WH told me from the beginning he'd tell them if I wanted him to. It was a difficult decision for me because we don't speak to his family, they are all batsh!t crazy (apparently he's not too different) and we have been no contact with them for 3 and 1/2 years now. My parents are like his parents. He loves to hang out with them, my dad is like a mentor to him (his dad died when he was 19), it's not a typical "in law" relationship. They really treat him as a son. So, I knew it would really break their hearts and I wasn't sure if things would be different in the event I wanted to reconcile. Finally, Friday after he kept trickle truthing me, I said FINE, tell them.
> 
> Not sure how much support I am going to get with D if that's what I decide to do. They are all in favor of fixing it, working it out, especially since we now have a son and they don't "want that for the baby." It's funny, I thought to myself I didn't want them to know because I didn't want them to be mad at him forever and now I'm like...can you just be a little more mad...?
> 
> ...


When my ex was betraying me her family (my parents died when I was young) were all for reconciliation. Just had to be for our daughter...

Ended up being, for me, the single worst decision I ever made.

The point is to divorce or not is YOUR decision and nobody but yours. If you do it for any reason other than it's what you want for you, then you're doing it for all the wrong reasons. It's not for the kids, money, family, friends... It has to be just because it's what you want deep down.


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