# Fiancee acting like a different person...help!



## BulletProof (May 27, 2011)

Despite not actually being married, my fiancee and I have a child together. Let me make it clear, I love my fiancee more than I can say, and would do/have done anything /everything for her. However, in the months following the birth of our child, she has become increasing aggressive and angry toward me. Now, one year after the birth of our daughter, everything sets her off, EVERYTHING. If she feels the house is dirty (even when it's actually clean) she goes on a rampage. Nothing I do or can do is good enough, and recently we have hit rock bottom. We fight and argue constantly, and I am always the bad guy, even though I do most everything for the baby (change her diaper, put her to bed, feed her, get up with her in the middle of the night, etc). Recently she told me she is not in love with me anymore, does not love me period, does not care about me, and I ruined her life. How? I really don't know. I'm a really good guy, have never lied or hurt her, so I really don't know what happened. Could it be someone else? Maybe, but who knows. 

She has become increasingly detached from family life, and more attached to her social life, and making herself look and feel good, making sure her needs are met. My needs seem to not be even a passing thought to her. She was not like this before the baby, but after the baby, her mood swings became more frequent and more severe. She has never really had any responsibilities in life up til now (I am 30, she is in her late 20s.) and I feel as though she wants to go back to how her life was before having a baby and getting into a serious relationship. She goes out a lot at night, leaving around 8:30pm, sometimes not coming home until the following morning. She feels as though she is doing and has done nothing wrong, despite only worrying about herself and her social life. She makes it very clear she does not care about me, and Im beginning to feel as though my only purpose now is to serve her needs and make things more convenient for her (I own our vehicle, she does not have a car). 

Despite being told she hates me and does not love me anymore, I cant just stop loving someone that I genuinely love and care for. But whenever I try to tell her how I'm feeling about the situation, or try to point out that what she is doing and how she is behaving is inappropriate and hurtful, it sparks a huge fight that ends with her justifying her behavior, or blaming it all on me. I seem to be the only one she is angry or hateful towards. I dont know, I don't want to just give up, but at the same time, we really aren't even together anymore, just co-existing under the same roof. 

Things are a lot more complicated when a baby is involved, I cant just leave. Any advice would be appreciated, as I'm getting to the point of sheer hopelessness, and putting on a smile every day is getting nearly impossible, knowing that the woman I love and care for doesn't feel the same way anymore.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Has she been checked out for post partem depression?


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

This sounds like a highly toxic situation for both you and the baby, and it seems like it will only get worse. Based on what you've posted, I can't see any good reason for you to stay, period. You need to have a plan get out/kick her out, and take the baby with you. 

Mainly because:
a) she doesn't take care of the baby, and
b) she stays out all night
c) most importantly she flat out told you she doesn't love you.

come up with a game plan, which includes legal advice on collecting child support. If she knows you mean business she may come back around, but it sounds doubtful.


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## BulletProof (May 27, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> Has she been checked out for post partem depression?


No, not yet. Can PPD come about this long after birth? She actually didn't get her period until just recently, maybe 10-11 months after the baby was born. I'm hoping it is hormones, as I do not want my family splitting up and my daughter having to go through that the way I did. But I also don't want to be fighting a losing battle. 


Nader- I agree it is a very toxic situation. But I'm stubborn and I'll take as much abuse as I possibly can in order to try to save my family from splitting up. I'm already emotionally worn-out, and I wake up shaking in the mornings. I just don't get it; she went from being family-oriented, talking about the future and having more kids, to just...this. 180 over night.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

if she claims to not love you anymore, I don't see how it could be just hormones or depression.

It is wrong for you to take this kind of abuse for any reason. She needs to know this. I think at the very least you should separate for awhile. Maybe the shock of losing you, the baby and a source of transportation will act as a a wakeup call.


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## BulletProof (May 27, 2011)

Yeah, I've been thinking about that more and more each day. She said she will not let me take the baby if I leave, so I know I would have to do something legally before I do to ensure at the very least joint custody. But I'm thinking shock treatment, so to speak, could hopefully act as a wakeup call. At the same time, I'm not very confident.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

A lot of women would love a man like you. Seriously, I know I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of women I know have husbands who do virtually nothing to help take care of a baby. All men should be like you, and for any other father who reads this and falls into the same category props to you also.

It sounds like your fiancée is having some sort of mid life crisis, even though she is not even 30 yet.

You do not deserve this kind of abusive, period. Is there any way you can take your child and go stay somewhere else for a few days?
I would certainly think twice before marrying her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

When you guys fight, is she the one thats leaves?

The reason I asks is b/c this makes it convienent and reasonable for her to take off.

If she starts a fight then she won't have to give you a reason to go out. You understand the reason she is leaving is b/c she pissed, then she goes out and can be with her boyfriend without answering to you. Plus it validated her adultry by thinking she has a bad marriage.

Even if she isn't seeing anyone, she basicaly knows you will tolorate her behavior. She can do what ever she wants, you said so your self. Not exactly, but when you bend over back wards for her she will take advandage. She sees you as weak and the power she has over you will not change until you do.

So take this BS unconditional love you have for her and man up and except the consequences of standing up for your self. She is breaking up this family with her behavior, you are not, you are just trying to live a happy life. You diserve this and so does your kid.
So stop acting like a p*ssy and throw her ass out until she can commit to being a wife and mother. Until you take this action you will continue to suffer.

Suffering in this abusive behavior is not only unhealthy for you but it is unhealthy for your kid.

And I get it you want this family to work, but sometimes alot of tough love is needed.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I don't think telling him to stop acting like a p*ssy is being supportive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> sounds like motherhood to me...some of us get a little crazy after a baby...i did big time, pp depersion can last YEARS!!!!
> 
> she loves you, but its not her talking, i did everything to push away my guy after our first baby..god i did some really bad thinds too force him to leave, or stop loving me...
> 
> ...


Pandakiss, this sounds so much like my wife. Our kid is 2-1/2 years and my wife is still a mess. Not the same person at all and it seems she keeps trying her best to get rid of me.
She didn't have her "cycle" until 19 months after childbirth and now it's probably once every 3 months very random.


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