# New here



## ggp23 (Apr 28, 2019)

Hi there

I am a 25 year old male who has been in a relationship for almost 6 years now (will be in october). My now fiance (proposed in july 2017) have lived together for 3 years now. 
We have 2 dogs and 2 cats, which we got together when we moved in together. 

We have lived together for 3 years now (april 2016), and it has been hard. 

Now, I know the saying is relationships are hard, but dang is there a limit? 

Not sure if I should post here or in the relationship advice.

Thank you.


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## CubsFan89 (Jan 9, 2019)

Firstly welcome, TAM is a good place to seek advice it definitely helped my marriage get back in track!

You'll more than likely need to provide more information for help though, what's hard in your relationship??

Also if it's been difficult why purpose? There must have been good times as well for you to want to get married.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ggp23 said:


> Hi there
> 
> I am a 25 year old male who has been in a relationship for almost 6 years now (will be in october). My now fiance (proposed in july 2017) have lived together for 3 years now.
> We have 2 dogs and 2 cats, which we got together when we moved in together.
> ...


I noticed you used the male spelling for fiancé. Is this a same sex relationship?


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## ggp23 (Apr 28, 2019)

No, I am a guy and proposed to my girlfriend 2 years ago. I guess I'll just refer to her as my girlfriend so there is no confusion.


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## ggp23 (Apr 28, 2019)

Started dating in 2013 at the age of 19. First real relationship for both of us. Moved in together in 2016. 

I know I have communication issues but trying to work on those. She obviously loves me whole-heartedly (I know not a word). Maybe I am over-thinking things, but I'll start from the top.

When I think about my future, I don't see her in it and I don't know why. I mean I love and care about her but I just don't see her in my future. I don't get excited anymore when she comes home or when she is really around. Being intimate with her is almost a chore for me, I mean when I am horny obviously it's easy. When I am not though, the art of cuddling on the couch or just being next to each other doesn't excite me. 

She has kicked me out 2 times since living together (both my fault for communication issues). She has hit me twice (2 different occasions), shoved me on multiple occasions. I have never laid a hand on her. 

I wanted to join the military in December of 2017 and at first she was all for it but then when it was time to go down to the recruiters office then she didn't want me to join anymore. Saying that I always take the easy way out of things and that everything I want to do in the military, I can do on the outside (I wanted to join for IT). She ultimately said that if I did join, that when I came back from basic that she didn't know if she and our pets would be here, all while yelling at me, throwing my clothes on the ground and telling me to get out. Ultimately I didn't join, but when she said that, I was more staying for the pets. Like the thought of losing my pets effected me more, then the thought of actually losing her (****ed up, I know). Next day, tells me that she felt like she over-reacted and felt really bad and icky about what she said. I told her she didn't have to feel bad and didn't do anything wrong (even though I wanted to agree with her, I didn't because I didn't want to hurt her feelings). 

She never does anything around the apartment (clean, laundry, nothing). All she really does is help financially. She had told me one time when we were fighting that since she was supporting the household financially (she was making more then me) and that my schedule (m - f 6 - 2pm, weekends off) was better then hers (even though she had 2 days off), it was my job to do everything around the apartment. Also, she knows she is lazy and doesn't help around the apartment, which I have told her multiple times. Also she has told me that she knows she walks all over me and takes advantage of me. 

Maybe I am just complaining, maybe I am not fully trying, maybe I am looking for an excuse I don't know. She is great, I mean she supports me in what I want to do in school (Physical Therapy), cares for me, loves for me.


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## LimaTango (May 7, 2019)

Thanks for posting and additional information.

But my man... there is no room in a good relationship for her to be hitting and shoving you. That is no bueno. 

Also not a good sign that you don't enjoy snuggling with her, that sex is a chore, and you don't see her in your future. 

You're young. Not married. No kids. There are too many fish in the sea! I'd strongly recommend breaking up and freeing yourself (and herself) to find a better mate. Seriously.... nobody should be hitting you. And you know that.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

ggp23 said:


> She obviously loves me whole-heartedly (I know not a word).
> 
> When I think about my future, I don't see her in it and I don't know why.
> 
> ...


^^THIS.^^

Re-read what I've pulled out of your post. Consider it carefully.

I've lived a whole lot longer than you. This is not what "whole heartedly" love looks like. Not even close. 

So what do I see going on here? You are her doormat. You allow her to show you disrespect in so many ways, from bullying you into not joining the military to actually admitting she takes advantage of you.

You can remain in this relationship, even though your gut instincts are screaming at you that this woman is not a good match. You can remain in doormat status. Or you can reclaim your life, break off this relationship, and find a woman who would be a better match.

Your life. Your choice. Seriously.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RUN to your nearest recruiting office and join the military, as you wanted to.

NEVER let anyone dictate to you what you're 'allowed' to do and what you're not 'allowed' to do. 

You're way too young for this nonsense. And if you think it's bad NOW, just wait another 10 years.

Run like the wind.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> RUN to your nearest recruiting office and join the military, as you wanted to.
> 
> NEVER let anyone dictate to you what you're 'allowed' to do and what you're not 'allowed' to do.
> 
> ...


Finish your schooling, get a degree, then join the military. 

With a Bachelors Degree you can be an officer. 

Do not dawdle. There is an age cut-off. 

Consider the Reserve Forces, for now. 
You can do your schooling and serve your country and get trained for IT. 

You can join the Active Forces at some later date, if you so choose.

*Make sure they lock you into IT schooling from the get go.* 

Do not let them trick you into going into something else. 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur8ftRFb2Ac


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