# Feeling Alone & Helpless....



## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

So I've been with my husband for 10 years. He is diabetic but no insulin dependent. My issue is that our sex life is about twice a month. We have plenty of opportunities but he will take matters into his own hands rather than involve me. I am not vanilla and have encouraged him to try new things but he is not really interested. I have woken up with the bed shaking, found items that he has taken care of business in, not to mention catching him in the shower recently. I have spoken to him numerous times about whether or not it's me, but he blames the diabetes. I don't believe that after finding out about the times he handles it himself. Other than this, our relationship is very good and we get along great. I check his phone records, iPad and iPhone device tracking and no signs of cheating. Where do I go from here? He doesn't feel there is an issue except when I pointed out that we only have sex twice a month and asked if he thought that was normal? His response was no but no further discussions. I love him and want to get passed this, I just don't know if it's me that he is not attracted to anymore. Any advice would be so helpful.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

my guess is that with diabetes, he is concerned about performance.

even if he doesn't have full on ED, he could have periodic issues.

As a man, I can tell you it is much easier technically to get yourself off than to stay hard enough to penetrate a woman and keep it hard long enough to please her. You can't fool with a partner.

again, this is just a guess.

answer; Viagra, to boost his confidence and ensure good pleasure.


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

Sunshine69 said:


> So I've been with my husband for 10 years. He is diabetic but no insulin dependent. My issue is that our sex life is about twice a month. We have plenty of opportunities but he will take matters into his own hands rather than involve me. I am not vanilla and have encouraged him to try new things but he is not really interested. I have woken up with the bed shaking, found items that he has taken care of business in, not to mention catching him in the shower recently. I have spoken to him numerous times about whether or not it's me, *but he blames the diabetes*. I don't believe that after finding out about the times he handles it himself. Other than this, our relationship is very good and we get along great. I check his phone records, iPad and iPhone device tracking and no signs of cheating. Where do I go from here? He doesn't feel there is an issue except when I pointed out that we only have sex twice a month and asked if he thought that was normal? His response was no but no further discussions. I love him and want to get passed this, I just don't know if it's me that he is not attracted to anymore. Any advice would be so helpful.


Can you be more specific about this? What exactly does he mean?

I think jorgegene may be onto something about the possible ED relative to diabetes and how that might affect his interactions with you.

Maybe you can preemptively give him a helping hand sometime rather than finding evidence after the fact of him masturbating.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Does he have any performance issues? My husband is a diabetic and has ED because of it. Has he had his T count checked? A low t count may be a reason why he has such low desire. Is he overweight? He might just be LD and you just have to be happy with having sex twice a month. I know I would be.


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## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

He has had issues in the past with performance but nothing in the last year. He did have his t count tested and it came back normal. We have talked about Viagara but I think he is embarressed to talk to the doctor, which I can certainly understand but we have all been to the doctor with embarressing issues and if he knows it will make things better, then he should bite the bullet and go. I would do it for him. The thing with finding evidence afterwards is he waits until I leave for work and I'm not sure how to approach the issue when I wake up to a shaking bed. I almost feel as if I would ruin if for him if I try to help. I guess I may never know if I don't try but in the past when I have tried to initiate the sex, he can't finish and I feel worse. Maybe that is what I'm afraid of. It does make alot of sense about the comment about how it's easier to get himself off than it is to stay hard long enough to have sex with a woman. I guess that very well could be the case. I truly hope that's what it is and the issue isn't with me. I will be devastated.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

It's normal to feel like he isn't attracted to you or doesn't love you. It's easy to feel rejected. I feel that way too sometimes. My husband reassures me that he loves me and is attracted to me but the plumbing doesn't work no matter what his brain is saying. I think your husband avoids sex because he is nervous about not being able to perform. A lot of men in his situation are too embarrassed to talk to their Dr but they shouldn't be. Until he goes to a Dr and tries Viagra or Cialis I doubt your situation will change. All you can do is enjoy the sex you have now and be happy with the positive things in your marriage.


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