# What's up with all the bi-polar wives?



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So what's up with all the recent postings about bi-polar wives running amok and possibly cheating?

Does winter time make bi-polar sufferers more extreme?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Not all are bipolar....some are BPD.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> Not all are bipolar....some are BPD.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is BPD?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And some are neither...they just aren't mature enough to communicate so they throw little fits and 'cozy up' when they want something.

BPD is borderline personality disorder.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

that_girl said:


> And some are neither...they just aren't mature enough to communicate so they throw little fits and 'cozy up' when they want something.
> 
> BPD is borderline personality disorder.


Ah... I thought it was Bi-Polar Disorder.


What I see going on in these forums is a lot of people trying to diagnose others based on what is said in the forums. It's not a good thing to do.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

that_girl said:


> And some are neither...they just aren't mature enough to communicate so they throw little fits and 'cozy up' when they want something.
> 
> BPD is borderline personality disorder.


Hi that_girl!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> Hi that_girl!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi, Pidge!  :ezpi_wink1: :noel: :moon: :whip: :absolut: :yawn2: :woohoo: :cone4:

Random cone


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Hi, Pidge!  :ezpi_wink1: :noel: :moon: :whip: :absolut: :yawn2: :woohoo: :cone4:
> 
> Random cone


:rofl: :allhail:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Ah... I thought it was Bi-Polar Disorder.
> 
> 
> What I see going on in these forums is a lot of people trying to diagnose others based on what is said in the forums. It's not a good thing to do.


Quite a bit of the "advice" on here in not a good thing to do and or say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Bi-polar and BPD are the current popular diagnosis (especially by"armchair" doctors).... and narcisim (however you spell that) and ADHD are becoming less popular. Be interesting to see what comes next.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It just has seemed like in the last couple of weeks a real spike in wives going off on an emotional bender and leaving their husbands and kids to run off and hang with real sketchy losers.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

There is some form of Bipolar that is highly sexual, to the point of not being able to control, I remember running into this in my googlings of a higher sex drive in women, never heard of it before. I am not bi-polar and this has passed for me, but at that time, damn, I think I would have totally identified with what I was reading (except for the sad & disinterested parts or having sex outside of my marriage), as I was on some sexual high that surpassed anything I have ever experienced. If someone was dealing with this for LIFE, wow, they would need some good drugs to control it, so it sounds. 

Bipolar Disorder: When Sexuality Is in Overdrive - Bipolar Disorder Center - Everyday Health

Manic Hypersexuality and the Reality of Sexual Addiction


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Bi-polar and BPD are the current popular diagnosis (especially by"armchair" doctors).... and narcisim (however you spell that) and ADHD are becoming less popular. Be interesting to see what comes next.


Psychiatrists are normally very hesitant to diagnose these disorders due to perceived bias that a patient will receive in the future, especially in the case of BPD. In fact, some professionals will not officially diagnose BPD, because they fear that others will refuse to treat them, because it is so hard to treat. Consider that some professional estimates put the occurance of BPD at just under ten percent in the population, and that many become suicidal, it doesn't bother me at all that people try to be aware of these diseases, and suggest it to people on a board. 

I agree that these seem to reflect the flavor of the month in pop culture, but my only point is that there is still an extreme hesitance to diagnose these conditions in the medical community. They consider a diagnosis to be counter productive, in some cases. My wife's psychiatrist and psychologist both indicated that they will not normally diagnose her type of bipolar condition without longstanding history. Her's is a type 2, but professional in some parts of the country are referring to it as a very narrow type. My wife has never not been depressed to some degree, but her cognitive processes seem to go through distinct cycles, or shifts (in other words, I and her doctor recognize her phases) Plus, she has quite a few bipolar sufferers in her family tree, including the uncle who was very humorous of his condition, who had the bumper sticker that said "Back off. I AM a disgrunted postal worker".

Being a person who lives with a wife who is officially diagnosed as bipolar, I'm thankful that people are willing to offer personal insight about how a person's problems sound like someone who may be dealing with bipolar or BPD. I personally try to avoid suggesting something specific, but try to veer them towards seeling help. To be honest, many people would never consider a medical condition to be behind it, and would feel helpless if they had no options to pursue.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> What I see going on in these forums is a lot of people trying to diagnose others based on what is said in the forums. It's not a good thing to do.


EleGirl, I've never seen any member of this forum claim to be able to render an actual diagnosis. What I see, instead, are many members claiming to spot the red flags, i.e., the strong occurrences of personality disorder (PD) traits. There is a world of difference between spotting strong traits and determining whether those traits are so severe as to meet 100% of the diagnostic guidelines (which only professionals can do). 

Before you graduated high school, you already could spot strong selfishness and grandiosity in a classmate -- without being able to diagnose Narcissistic PD. You already could spot blatant disregard for laws, social customs, and other peoples' feelings -- without diagnosing Antisocial PD. You could easily spot the class drama queen -- without diagnosing Histrionic PD. And you could spot strong occurrences of verbal abuse, lack of impulse control, and jealousy -- without diagnosing Borderline PD. Indeed, after you've been living with a person for a year, you would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to spot such traits.

With respect to BPD, I agree with Halien that therapists are loath to tell their BPDer clients -- much less the spouses -- the name of the disorder. This is why most of those spouses never know what they are dealing with unless they come to forums like this, where knowledgeable members like Pidge are willing to raise the discussion above the "kick her to the curb" level when the OP is seeking an explanation of what he may be dealing with.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Living with someone who has bipolar is very difficult, especially if they are untreated or self medicated with illegal drugs male or female. It's a serious illness that needs to be treated. However, it may be very difficult for that person to get help and stick with a treatment plan.

My ex h is very bipolar. He self medicated with pot, he thought the treatments the doctors gave him worked just as well as marijuana. I completely disagree. My ex was very abusive. He had an extremely high sex drive. He is and always will be a serial cheater. He will sleep with any and every willing female. He was addicted to porn. He would secretly tape us being together. We didn't have very many encounters once we were married, I knew he was sleeping around and trying to "score" with my friends. I left. The only reason I married him in the first place is that I was pregnant and young(19 at the time). I thought that with my help, he would change. WRONG! There is no possible way you can help someone change unless they want to.

One of his gf's moved in 3 days after I left. My ex h accused me of setting him up to cheat, which I find that completely impossible. Everything was my fault. He told our daughter when she was 15 that he proudly cheated on his wife, the same gf that moved in 3 days after I left. They have been together for 17 years. I have no idea why she puts up with his abuse(which has gotten MUCH worse) and infidelity. My ex blames me for his miserable marriage with his current wife. My ex also is verbally abusing my daughter telling her she's worthless and that she's done nothing, but make their lives miserable. He won't even let her talk to her siblings on the phone, he hangs up, then blames her for not trying.

He makes me sick! Anyways, bipolar is a ver serious illness, especially if untreated. I wish I could of kept my daughter from visitation, but the courts wouldn't allow it. My daughter who is almost 18 has a lot emotional issues because of my ex. I can't get her into therapy. We've tried, she would never talk to the therapist. He deeply scarred her for life. My daughter is a wonderful young lady. Luckily, she has had my husband as a wonderful role model in her life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> It just has seemed like in the last couple of weeks a real spike in wives going off on an emotional bender and leaving their husbands and kids to run off and hang with real sketchy losers.


The holidays bring out craziness in people.

Those sketchy losers are probably more 'manly' than their husbands (in their eyes) so it's exciting.

Not saying it's right. But many women get married because they think they "should' or it's "time" and they settle for whomever...which is sad. It can't lead to good things.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And sometimes, I don't think it's a mental issue AT ALL.

I simply think the woman is bored, disgusted, restless, etc in her marriage/with her husband so she's hot and cold....a real betch.

Men get that way too. People call them *******s.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> So what's up with all the recent postings about bi-polar wives running amok and possibly cheating?
> 
> Does winter time make bi-polar sufferers more extreme?


There are several reasons why bi-polars sometimes experience flair-ups this time of year. Winter does have something to do with it, as seasonal affective disorder is often an underlying cause of bi-polars being "tripped" into a depressive episode in the darker months of winter. 
Another big issue for bi-polars this time of year is the added physical, mental and financial stress of the holidays. Even those who consider themselves "normal" often find themselves stressed out, tired and worried about money at the holidays, so for those prone to manic or depressive episodes the added stimulation is often too much to process. Most bi-polars who have learned to deal successfully with their disease have learned this about themselves, and pay close attention to how they're feeling to make sure they don't get too far out of balance without realizing it.
I disagree with the person who posted that bi-polar disorder is the new popular diagnosis. As another poster said, most doctors are hesitant to officially diagnose because of the stigma attached to the disease, and the feeling by many (including several people here it seems) that it's just an excuse people use for their misbehavior. This is a sad attitude, as the mental turmoil, daily struggles, discrimination and enormous expense of treatment sufferers face far outweigh any perceived benefit in lowered expectations for personal behavior that the outside observer might assume we get.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Does winter time make bi-polar sufferers more extreme?


Winters in the northern climates, where its dark at 4:30PM when we get off of work, is the worst. My wife hunkers down and settles into a long depression. I've added about 28 extra full spectrum recessed lights, and it seems to counter the effect some. My career succession plan puts me relocating near the beach in 18 months for my next promotion, so I'm counting down the days.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

I'mAllIn said:


> I disagree with the person who posted that bi-polar disorder is the new popular diagnosis. As another poster said, most doctors are hesitant to officially diagnose because of the stigma attached to the disease....


IMO, the stigma attached to BPD is far worse because meanness and verbal abuse typically are hallmarks of that disorder. Yet, because BPDers can easily hide their traits during the 50 minute therapy sessions held once a week, therapists often see only the moodiness and thus misdiagnose BPD as being bipolar. One result has been the large number of BPDers walking around and telling everyone that they were diagnosed as having bipolar (actually, only 25% of BPDers also have bipolar). This is why bipolar sufferers often get mischaracterized as being vindictive and mean -- traits that usually are attributable to BPD.

Another result has been a huge over-estimation of the number of bipolar sufferers. For at least 40 years, it had been believed that the incidence of bipolar at least equaled that of BPD. That belief was shattered, however, by the results of the only large-scale study examining both of those disorders. That study, published in 2008 and funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, did face-to-face interviews with nearly 35,000 American adults. It found that the lifetime incidence of BPD (6%) is four times that of bipolar disorder (1.5%). 

Significantly, that 6% figure for BPD _understates_ the extent of the problem. It pertains only to those BPDers diagnosed as having the full-blown disorder. Yet, even when BPD traits fall well short of the diagnostic threshold, they can be strong enough to undermine your marriage and make your life miserable. Hence, when you also include those BPDers having strong traits (say, at 70% or 80% of the threshold), you will get a figure well above 6%. 

When you are deciding whether a person is sufficiently stable to make a good marriage partner, the relevant threshold is whether the BPD traits are so strong as to make your life unhappy. For that decision, it simply doesn't matter whether the traits also are so severe as to meet 100% of the diagnostic criteria.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You wanted equality with all the men. Well ok, there you are.


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## invisible30 (Dec 26, 2011)

I don't know- but I have one. It's torture
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Halien said:


> Psychiatrists are normally very hesitant to diagnose these disorders due to perceived bias that a patient will receive in the future, especially in the case of BPD. In fact, some professionals will not officially diagnose BPD, because they fear that others will refuse to treat them, because it is so hard to treat. Consider that some professional estimates put the occurance of BPD at just under ten percent in the population, and that many become suicidal, it doesn't bother me at all that people try to be aware of these diseases, and suggest it to people on a board.
> 
> I agree that these seem to reflect the flavor of the month in pop culture, but my only point is that there is still an extreme hesitance to diagnose these conditions in the medical community. They consider a diagnosis to be counter productive, in some cases. My wife's psychiatrist and psychologist both indicated that they will not normally diagnose her type of bipolar condition without longstanding history. Her's is a type 2, but professional in some parts of the country are referring to it as a very narrow type. My wife has never not been depressed to some degree, but her cognitive processes seem to go through distinct cycles, or shifts (in other words, I and her doctor recognize her phases) Plus, she has quite a few bipolar sufferers in her family tree, including the uncle who was very humorous of his condition, who had the bumper sticker that said "Back off. I AM a disgrunted postal worker".
> 
> Being a person who lives with a wife who is officially diagnosed as bipolar, I'm thankful that people are willing to offer personal insight about how a person's problems sound like someone who may be dealing with bipolar or BPD. I personally try to avoid suggesting something specific, but try to veer them towards seeling help. To be honest, many people would never consider a medical condition to be behind it, and would feel helpless if they had no options to pursue.


:iagree: BPD is usually not thrown around lightly. Interestingly bipolar and bpd get confused among the general public due to the instability seen in both. however, bipolar has more to due w/ organic mood disturbance whereas bpd has more to do with emotional lability and interpersonal push/pull relationships.


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