# Am I being unreasonable?



## idioskosmos (Jun 7, 2014)

We have three children and about $4000 coming in each month. We can cover our bills and have enough for a few nights eating out, the odd movie, etc.

So, my husband had to go back east for a conference, and he decided to take my oldest son with him. Then my mother-in-law decided to join them. Then they decided to turn it into a ten day vacation.

It's only halfway through their trip, and they have spent a total of $1,617. That's almost half of our monthly funds, and I haven't paid any bills yet.

Am I over-reacting to this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Of course you are not over reacting. How are you supposed to pay the bills? 

Is your husband this irresponsible normally?

Do you have a job? Or is he the sole bread sinner.

Is your MIL paying her fair share of this vacation?

Maybe you could send a text for something to your husband and your mother pointing out that they have to curtail the spending because you don't have the money left to pay bills, buy food, etc.


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## idioskosmos (Jun 7, 2014)

Yes, my husband is very financially irresponsible. I didn't put his name on the kids savings accounts, and tend to misrepresent how much is in there, because he will drain it all down to zero.

He even talked my dad into giving him $2000 to cover this trip, but that was gone before they had even left.

Yes, he is the sole breadwinner. I have been job searching since December to no avail. I probably shouldn't be working full time anyway since I have Lupus.

At this point - with 23 days left in the month - I'm considering withdrawing a thousand dollars and sitting on it so we'll have something to live off of.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Withdrawing the money is a good idea.

Are you the one who pays the bills and generally handles the money?

if so, how does he react to that?


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## idioskosmos (Jun 7, 2014)

Yes, I handle the money. Every month we have the same conversations - He tells me not to spend all the money on bills and groceries. So, I pay the bills and buy the groceries anyway. He calls me "The Tight Fisted Accountant". I also save some of each paycheck in an emergency fund. He doesn't even notice. He has no idea where the money goes.


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Ugh.. he needs to grow up.

Have him attend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University to learn about money.

I'm in the opposite situation. I bring home 90%+ of the pay. Fortunately my (soon to be ex) partner does understand that we can't just blow money however we want, and is fairly responsible. I would have filed for divorce long ago if that was not the case.


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

idioskosmos said:


> We have three children and about $4000 coming in each month. We can cover our bills and have enough for a few nights eating out, the odd movie, etc.
> 
> So, my husband had to go back east for a conference, and he decided to take my oldest son with him. Then my mother-in-law decided to join them. Then they decided to turn it into a ten day vacation.
> 
> ...


Mission Creep.

This is a tactic used by financial terrorist spouses where they get you to agree to a small expenditure, but then start adding on, adding on, adding on - and the way they do it is mean.

What they do is agree with the son and mother to go behind your back, and then come to you all excited and bubbly "Mom's coming too, is that okay..." as if it's fun-fun-fun and you are some kind of monster for saying no. It's already been decided and they're emotionally invested, so it is blackmail. 

What you have to focus in on is how cunning and savage this kind of emotional blackmail is. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Behind that fun smile is a very black-hearted demon: the one blackmailing you. Confront him about it and if he plays dumb, plays the victim, blames you, etc. - anything but owning up to how rotten he is for doing it...

Then you have a much bigger problem on your hands.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What are your skills? There are many jobs now that can be done from home. 

And yes, pull all the money from the account and DO NOT give him access to any unless it's an emergency. Frankly, since HIS mom went, SHE can come up with any more money.


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## Samayouchan (Jun 1, 2012)

OH wow. I am in the same situation. I am a stay at home mother with our new first child who just turned 5 months old. 
My husband is in the NAVY and we take care of the bills together. What I mean by that is we discuss what needs to come out and when and set the amount aside to be sure its paid. In your situation it sounds like a great idea to just pull out what you need to make sure you have enough to last for the month to survive on. I hope things work out for you.


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