# met a guy through matrimonial website. now he is asking me 2 meet again nd again.



## preetiinbox (Jan 9, 2016)

Hello everyone.. i m new on dis website i hope i wud get support. so here the scenario is i have my profile on one of the matrimonial website and accepted a proposal through dat. as his profile was managed by his parents. so i was expecting the call feom elders. bt instead of family the guy called nd he scheduled a meeting. i said ok. bt just one day prior meeting he confirmed from me ki who else wud be coming from ur side. when i asked him ki my mum nd sis. he requested me that can i make it for alone. as b4 family meeting he wanted 2 meet me once nd when i asked d reason he said that he is kind of choosy person. so b4 family meeting he himself want 2 check ki i m good for him or not. somewher i didnt like his statement bt still for some reason i accepted his request nd met him alone in a mall. there he sat nd talked 2 me for more than 2 hrs( all family nd marriage related topics). then the next day he called me nd said dat he liked me and he wants 2 arrange a family meeting so the meeting was held in coffee shop. there were his mother nd brother from his side(father passed away) nd my mom nd sis(my father also passed away). whole time in d meeting we noticed dat his mother was not asking a single question just passing smiles. though his brother askd me some questions. then they asked us if we wanna talk seperate we can. nd he said he want to. so there also he talked 2 me in alone for half an hour. nd he said ki he want a wife who have 80 qualities nd 20 flaws. nd my probabilty is very high. he said ki aftr marriage he dont want 2 regret dat my wife is less talented in comparison of others. now i didnt like his dis statement at all. i felt that he will compare me wd other girls in each nd every thing. i didnt react anything just smiled nd then we sat with rest of d family members. nd all of a sudden he asked my mum ki he wud like 2 meet me one more time. my sis clearely said no to them as according 2 my family showing the girl again nd again in arranged marriage means making d girl a showpiece. so his brother said 2 us ki no need we liked d girl. come to our home next time 2 see our home. so next day the guy called nd said ki my family can visit 2 his home after 1 week. we said ok. bt then he said 2 me ki i really want 2 meet u again alone. so i m going 2 convince ur family in dis meeting. now the meeting is 2morrow . nd i m confused shud i send my family 2 his home or not. as i myself is not liking dis fact that he is emphasizing on meetings wd me only. i m not able 2 understand that what is he trying 2 figure out.??? nd one more thing is bothering me ki in both meetings i met him nd his family wearing nice suits. nd he again nd again pick dat topic in chats that he wants 2 see me in fitted jeans. though i dont have any issue in wearing jeans i evn sent him some of my pics also that were in jeans. bt still why he is focussing on it so much. he is actually pissing me off now by pressurizing me for alone meetings nd that jeans stuff. i already told him 2 times that my family dont have so much modern mentality so they wont allow me 2 meet u again nd again. bt he is not understanding it.
now as the meeting is going 2 be held 2morrow nd i dont want 2 waste his nd my families tym. so pls help me shud i go further wd this guy?? or shud i reject him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you mind sharing what country you live in? And how old are you and him?

First impressions are very important. Your first impression of him is not good. So why would want to continue to meet someone you have bad feelings about?

Your culture is very different from mine, and from most of the people on this forum. Here we date before marriage. That means that the man and the woman see each other many times before even considering marriage. On a date we go places, like to the movies, to dinner, out with family and friends. We do this so that we get to know what the person is really like. I would never marry anyone that I did not date for 2 years before even considering marriage.

But one thing that is the same in your culture and in mine.. that first impressions are important. If you do not feel good after the first couple of times seeing that person, just stop seeing them. At least that is how I feel.

What do you even know about this guy? Do you only know what he has told you?

If you marry him, will you be going to live in the home with his mother and brother?


----------



## preetiinbox (Jan 9, 2016)

Thanks for d reply EleGirl. I m from india. Nd he is 37 nd i m 27. In india 2 many meeting prior 2 marriage is not considered gud. Infact usually in india marriages are considered as a union of 2 families.so families are the one who meet first nd discuss evrything nd when evrything goes f9. Then the boy nd girl r allowed 2 meet for 1 or 2 time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If that is your custom, then this guy is being disrespectful, not only to you but your mother and sister. He might think that since there are no men in the family, he can disrespect the women. That's not good at all.

Are there any uncles or male cousins in your family that could help with this in the future?

I would refuse to see him again alone.

I can understand that he is trying to be careful in marriage. But since he is trying to push you to act outside of your customs, it almost seems like he's trying to see how far he can control you... meaning that he will be a controlling, abusive husband.

Do you have the same education level that he has?


----------



## preetiinbox (Jan 9, 2016)

No dear there is no male person in my family member who cud help me wd dis in future. Nd i m much more qualified then him. Bt i think somewhere u r right he wud be controlling husband as he himself admit dat he has judged me in first meeting only dat i m kind of simple girl. Nd my probability is very high.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like you could do a lot better than this guy. 

Be very careful of men who seem to be controlling. They can ruin your life.

In your culture I would be very careful of marrying a man who is less qualified than you, in their career. Even here in the west is can cause a lot of problems. I've experienced this. Many men do not handle it very well when their wives earn more than they do.

How are his physical looks? 

I don't know if you want to answer this, but is he asking for you to pay him, or his family, a dowry?

My bet is that you could do a lot better than this guy.


----------



## preetiinbox (Jan 9, 2016)

He is actually gud looking. Though i m much more qualifued than him bt i m not earning at dis moment. Nd he is earning quite good. Nd he said dat he wanted 2 marry in a 5star hotel. Bt he will pay all expenses. He wont burden us. This was something i liked in him. Bt i found it quite strange dat his mother was not saying a single word. Nd when my sis asked his mom why u r not sayng anything she said ki if i will say anything he wud scold me later ki why i asked dis or dat question. So its better i keep mum. Let him ask...!! 
So after talking 2 u now i get it why she said dat. U r right he is trying 2 a controlling and abusive guy. Nd may be he controls his mother also.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh wow, his own mother is afraid to talk around him. That tells you a lot.

That often happens in a family when the father dies. The older son takes over like that. My bet is that his father was controlling of the mother. So the son just stepped in and acted like his father.

Please be careful. I know that in India, it's not easy to leave a marriage if it turns out to be a bad choice.


----------



## preetiinbox (Jan 9, 2016)

After our discussion i rejected him nd said it clearly 2 him. Bt now he is sayn ki he had a bad experience in past which traumatized him.thats why he is scared nd now he is requesting me to atleast listen his experience once
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Remember the way his mother was. She was afraid to talk because of him. 

The way his mother was has nothing to do with a pervious experience he had with some other woman.


----------



## preetiinbox (Jan 9, 2016)

Hmmm. Thanks this is something i didnt thought of. U r absolutely correct. I m not going 2 see him again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

preetiinbox said:


> Hmmm. Thanks this is something i didnt thought of. U r absolutely correct. I m not going 2 see him again.


That is probably wise.

I need to get to bed now... it's almost 3 in the morning here... 

If you want, keep me posted. I'll check back after I get up. Which is of course your night time.

My company has a division in India, so I'm used to the time difference between your location and mine.


----------



## preetiinbox (Jan 9, 2016)

Thats so sweet of u. Gud ngt. Sweet dreams.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

