# sorowful sadness



## TrueLovely (Sep 30, 2012)

Hi, this is my second post. My first post kind of gave a little background on my marriage, explaining why I wish to divorce. I decided that my husbands last betrayal was enough for me. Its hard though, because even though I feel I need this, I feel so much sadness, when I look at him. It is a very scary thought, that im going to be the one who will ultimatley have to sever this union. 

Im angry, also, because even though he has disgraced me, our family, and marriage so many times, he whould never get a divorce. So im left with the burden of making this choice. Im around him so much, because we have really no extended family, to help us with our children, so we basically have to depend solely on each other for things concerning them.

That makes it worse, because im never away from him long enough, to let my emotions heal. He seems so remorseful, but I believe I would be a fool to continue in this marriage, from prior experiences. I completely believe in forgiveness, but I dont think that means allowing yourself to stay in abusive situation. Im just upset it took me 10 years to figure this out. 

I also mentioned that I have no money currently to get a legal divorce, even though I feel I have been divorced so many times in this marriage already. I feel like I cant completely move forward until I have this. I feel so sad when I look at him. I dont want to hurt him, but I dont want to hurt myself anymore.

I dont know how long it will take for the money. Plus we will always be involved because of our children, which stinks . I feel like such a failure, and Im ready to move forward. How do you live life dealing with someone you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with? Why cant he just be the ass he has always been, so I dont feel guilt. 

This is horrible. Im hoping someone, who can relate to this situation, or has been through it can give me some advice. I feel horrible that Im in the position to even make this descision, but I know how misreable Ill be if I stay. Thank you.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

I am divorcing my husband after 27 years because of his cheating and I should have done it years ago. I have wasted a lot of time hoping he would change but he hasn't. Divorcing is not easy but it is easier than living a lie. Thankfully my soon to be ex realizes he messed up again and that I truly deserve better so the divorce is going smoothly. No attorneys involved (I am a paralegal) so it won't be very expensive. If you really think it's better to divorce, I would do it sooner than later. Good luck in whatever decision you make.


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## TrueLovely (Sep 30, 2012)

Thank you. I know I need to do this, Im sure i'll find someway to do it cost effectively. He's is aknowledging that this is completely on him, also. In the past, he would have found some reason to make it my fault. Or became abusive somehow, which creates fear to leave. I just really need him to get established at his own place, because he's really starting to feel like an unwanted houseguest. I go from being sad, to angry, at his prescence. I know thats not healthy. O well, patience is a virtue .


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