# Strange day today...



## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Just a vent-post...

Today was/is a strange day. Its Ws birthday. If you don't know we are in the midst of a divorce, and things are ugly. Uncharted territory here. I know she does not want anything to do with me, but she technically is still my wife. I do care about her. I don't think she has said anything to me yet today. I did say happy birthday to her, not that she wants to hear anything from me.

I helped the kids make cards for her - she likes those better anyway. Pink and brown, her favorite color combo. She angrily told me not to get anything for her. She said to just have the kids make her something. She did not want ANYTHING. The kids made some things for her - a little pillow, and a cupcake pincushion. My older one wanted to get her a pink tank, so we went shopping and found one. My younger (read I) got her some pink pot holders, I suppose for her new kitchen she will have some day. All this is wrapped up, in pink and brown tissue and in a pink bag waiting for her party, which is this evening when I am at work.

Her mom came up to watch the kids today/tonight so she can go out with OM. I really don't want to come home from work tonight. I am sure I will catch some crap tomorrow about me not doing anything for her, or ever taking the time for her. Well, mistakes were made on both sides of the fence. At this point, I guess it doesn't matter.

To add to all this, two years ago, her dad passed away, losing a yearlong battle with cancer. No matter what someone does to celebrate a birthday, nothing can overcome that. That hurt will always be there. He was a great guy, a caring dad, and the best grandfather any child could hope for. 

Its just one of those days where you have no clue how to even behave. Do you say anything, not say anything, go on like nothing has changed and celebrate, treat it like any other day? I just don't know...


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## Treadingcarefully (Sep 1, 2009)

no1.daddy2kids said:


> Just a vent-post...
> 
> Today was/is a strange day. Its Ws birthday. If you don't know we are in the midst of a divorce, and things are ugly. Uncharted territory here. I know she does not want anything to do with me, but she technically is still my wife. I do care about her. I don't think she has said anything to me yet today. I did say happy birthday to her, not that she wants to hear anything from me.
> 
> ...



I had that. 
I didn't go visit on her birthday, just sent a text, cos she was still so hostile (the impression I got was that she HATED me, but that's her usual Over The Top way of expressing things).
OM (who I didn't know about) sent a card, and bought jewellery for her.
She sends me a text, in reply to happy birthday.
"Thanks. I hope you can be as happy as I am today".
Now, I didn;t know about OM, so she's re-inforcing the message that she's happier without me, thus giving me less motivation to try reconciliation (on top of the 'She hates me' feeling.) 
End of the day, yeah, birthdays matter to women. Mine means nothing to me, and hasn't since I had more than ten candles on a cake. But don't beat yourself up that her birthday came along during this time. 
focus on the bigger issues, and stay true to yourself. 

You two still live in the same house? And she's seeing another man? That is *cold*. 
I was annoyed that my wife had another man in our house while I was still paying ALL the household bills, and coming there to mind the kids. (He wasn't there on the days I came around). When I found out, I decided I would only pick the kids up from there, and take them to my parents place instead.


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

> "Thanks. I hope you can be as happy as I am today".


Man, would have been better to just not say anything. Thats a blow.

Yea, it is not good. We are still in the same house, for financial and for the two monkies. There are times when I rather be there, and times (like now) that I just don't want to be anywhere near here.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

no 1
this is all so sad - the fact is life is made up of the details - pink and brown paper, home made gifts, cards - that's LOVE - 
and that's the best stuff that life has to offer in my opinion - I know that you did it for the kids (I did the same thing for my H. the other day for Father's Day) - but the whole point for us is that we don't distinguish the love that we have for the kids and the details in life and all the dumb things that make life worth living and this big Romantic idea of LOVE that our spouses do...
I am so sad for you


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

knortoh: Yeah, you are right. life is made of the details. The little things that you think of when someone else is involved. Even through all the mess we are going thru, you can't throw away 9 years of knowing someone. Even if it gets thrown away or returned. You still have to do it. 

I still said Happy Birthday to her, even though she blew me off.

Brighterlight: I'm not saying that I am not p#$$%@, but we had trouble before this guy came along. This guy was just a trigger. Right now I have come to the realization that this is now a business relationship. She and I are strictly housemates. We just want to get thru this mess and get to the other side. In saying that, I don't know how long we can be in the same house. I feel that at some time, it will get too awkward and someone will need to leave.


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

I should have written it that her dad passed away two years ago today, on her birthday. Makes it a double whammy.


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## mrslmndz (Apr 14, 2009)

Hello, I have been seperated from my husband for about 10 months now. He left me for OW, His birthday and Mine were on the same month May. His was first though and I had such a hard time wondering if I should wish him a happy birthday but then I thought well he is the one who decided not to have me in his life anymore so I struggled and struggled all day. before that day he was being very brutal with me. By the way for fifteen years I was the only one whom he spent his birthday with him and set up birthday surprises. To him his birthday wasn't such a big deal. But anyways, I had a very hard, long day and I struggled within myself not to text him or call him. The day was finally over and nope he did not hear from me that day. I guess I did not want to be the one to wish him a happy birthday and then wait for him to wish me one on my birthday and not hear anything from him. Well of course, he did not call me either. So I did not feel that bad. But two weeks after my birthday I was so distraught that I text him happy belated birthday I celebrated your birthday that day. He never responded but I expected that. Sometimes its very hard to protect yourself from emotional pain. Especially when you still love that person regardless of the pain that they have caused you.


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Yes, the emotional is hard to deal with. I have often thought that because this whole thing with the OM started out as emotional it would have been easier to take if it was just physical. Sucks either way.

Sometimes the mind is the biggest enemy...


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## tryintoo (Jul 29, 2009)

remember daddy you STILL have 2 lil girls that love you no matter if your wife is there or not. YOU are the ONLY father they will ever know as long as you sty in their lives. I understand how it feels to care for them too. As far as I know there is NO OM. But I could be wrong, everyone tells me NO!! keep your head up, on straight and take the high road in EVERYTHING!!


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Yes, they are the two things that matter most. It is hard thinking that someone else will be stepping in the shoes that I fill right now. Sure, he is not their dad, but he will be there when I am traveling. Right now, I am struggling with the idea of phone calls and digital pictures shared for the fun times and events that will shape their lives. That really bothers me.


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