# I think my husband abandoned me



## Mountkat (Feb 28, 2017)

He is an over the road truck driver. About 6 months ago the phone calls were getting fewer. He hadn't been home in 5months prior to that. He said he was faithful but that he was in a mess and wanted to get out of it. I told him the only way to protect myself legally was to get a separation he didn't want to. When he did come home he said he was sorry and we patched things up. We have been married 19 years. I had to take him to court for child support cause he drained his bank account he didn't show up 

He went back to work after being home a week and all seemed fine,,,, but he still doesn't call and barely answers when I call 
He agreed to pay some bills but other than that he doesn't call or text me or our son 
He won't say when he will be home again 
I am preparing to get a new career as my business is now closed
We were buying a property where I would be working but it fell thru 
He says he doesn't want a divorce but I feel like I'm all alone and in limbo 
I need to move cause of management change where I live now 
I'm thinking of doing a legal separation 
I don't know if I should still try to call him haven't heard from him in several days 
I think it's sad and irresponsible of him to not even call to see how we are if me our son gets hurt he wont pick up the phone? 
His parents tried calling him to tell him there's a court date coming up and he didn't answer (they get his mail )
He doesn't go to the company office often 
I guess I should just wait and see if he comes home


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## megamuppet (Feb 13, 2017)

Thats sounds like a very sad and frustrating position to be in x
I would cut your losses and start divorce proceedings. It will either get him to engage with you properly so you can sort it out, or you will find out whether he actually cares enough about you and your child to be a part of your family or it will give you a chance to get out of this relationship and get on with your life. I lived with an avoider for a long time. In the end I packed my bags and left. He didnt contact me or try to stop me or anything. Looking back it was the best thing I ever did x Good Luck x

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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You need to do a complete background check on him. Either go to someone that provides the service or go online and purchase a one-month full access report on him. The cost? Under $50 dollars.

He may have been in jail, he may be married or having an affair with another women, he may be doing criminal things. Is it drug related? The possibilities are endless.

Something stinks in Copenhagen, New York.


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## Mountkat (Feb 28, 2017)

Thank you for the input 
It's still confusing but I think I'm being played I am going to ask again for a legal separation 
theres another court date coming up for child support cause he didn't show up for the first one the judge awarded temp support 
I did speak with him a few days ago he just said he's been busy driving that dispatch is pushing him which is very common he just had a medical exam so I know he's not doing drugs he wouldn't risk his license 
I guess I'll just wait for him to call me I think it's pretty much over tho 
Out of sight out of mind 
I thought love lasts, apparently not 
I do feel bad for our son having a parent just go dark on you but he has me and I will protect him and provide


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Don't ask, just file.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Wanna see if he still cares? File D papers on him and get him served.

Locate where he will be at on xxx date and if need be, have the police involved.

Have him served in Winslow, AZ or where ever he is. I can almost guarantee you will get a 

reaction out of him then. You're not his W, he sees you as a baby sitter. GET OUT!

If he is laying up with lot lizards, get an STD test yesterday.


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## Mountkat (Feb 28, 2017)

Yes good point this helps me stick to my plan of separation and not cave in if when he shows up and says he's sorry


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Separate and file for divorce!

He's had far too many chances as you've witnessed firsthand that a leopard, rarely if ever, changes his spots!

Get yourself to a good "piranha" family attorney post haste to fully assess all of your legal remedies!*


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

This is a good example of why many OTR companies hire husband / wife driving teams.

I can't see how anyone can keep a M going when the spouse is gone weeks at a time. Most end up in a 

Clinton M -don't ask, don't tell- Driving for days and nights solo, that would wear on anyone's psyche.

Most places today have tag team drivers / M couples to ease the isolation. Course that's also

to maximize driving distance if the rig can be on the road 20 hours a day.

No man who is gone for weeks on end, should have a W (unless she rides too) and damn sure 

shouldn't have kids.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

File and get out now, go live your life and provide a home of security and consistency for your son, this is not way to live. He might have an on the road job, but the lack of communication, not answering phone calls, etc is just not on, he doen't care about your or his son.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> This is a good example of why many OTR companies hire husband / wife driving teams.
> 
> I can't see how anyone can keep a M going when the spouse is gone weeks at a time. Most end up in a
> 
> ...


I am so glad my dad didn't subscribe to this line of thought. Same with my uncle. Honestly, I hope you apply this to military personnel and any other family who is potentially separated due to employment. 

Yes, some fail because they cannot handle the separation. But those that don't fail? It is because they put in the effort... like my mom and dad did. Dad was an OTR driver, mom stayed home with us kids. Why did it work? Simple. They made it work. Dad called home regularly, and he spent time with us when he was home. He was never even tempted to take up with any lot lizards, and mom never strayed, either. Same with my uncle, who was a marine, then army, then OTR driver. 

To the OP, honey, if you were his priority, he would make the time for you. Even being months on the road, he would take the time to call you. I agree with the others who are telling you to take the steps necessary to extricate yourself from the marriage. 

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## Mountkat (Feb 28, 2017)

Hi thank you for your input this helps me to do what must be done. Soon it will be over. I will have a new career and as always all my friends. I do feel sorry for him, he is in a bad situation and wouldn't be surprised if he loses his life. I need to protect my son and myself and I won't let anyone hurt him!


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

He's in a bad situation that might cost him his life?

This sounds serious.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Mountkat said:


> Hi thank you for your input this helps me to do what must be done. Soon it will be over. I will have a new career and as always all my friends. I do feel sorry for him, he is in a bad situation and wouldn't be surprised if he loses his life. I need to protect my son and myself and I won't let anyone hurt him!




What is the bad situation?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I am so glad my dad didn't subscribe to this line of thought. Same with my uncle. Honestly, I hope you apply this to military personnel and any other family who is potentially separated due to employment.
> 
> Yes, some fail because they cannot handle the separation. But those that don't fail? It is because they put in the effort... like my mom and dad did. Dad was an OTR driver, mom stayed home with us kids. Why did it work? Simple. They made it work. Dad called home regularly, and he spent time with us when he was home. He was never even tempted to take up with any lot lizards, and mom never strayed, either. Same with my uncle, who was a marine, then army, then OTR driver.
> 
> To the OP, honey, if you were his priority, he would make the time for you. Even being months on the road, he would take the time to call you. I agree with the others who are telling you to take the steps necessary to extricate yourself from the marriage.


I think @Maricha75 is right on target. To make a marriage work when one person is gone for LONG periods of time, both partners have to put in a LOT more work than a marriage where you see each other every day.
@Mountkat, there is no good reason--not in the age of cell phones!!!--for him not to be picking up when you call, and for him not to be regularly calling you. Absolutely no reason.

Why are you asking him to show up in court for child support, when you aren't separated or divorced yet? Is he not giving you access to marital funds? Why would he drain his account?

This situation has red flags all over it. I think you need to get out of this marriage as soon as possible.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

browser said:


> He's in a bad situation that might cost him his life?
> 
> This sounds serious.


Echo this.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If a man (doing what your husband does) truly misses his wife and family, he doesn't take his sweet time coming home to see them when he can. He rents a rocket ship if need be.

His actions says an awful lot, and none of it is good.

I agree with others - you should get your ducks in a row and let him go.


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