# Contant threats of divorce



## Jewel_20 (Dec 23, 2013)

Struggling over the idea of divorce ... I've been doing some reading and I believe I am in a emotional abusive relationship. 

Every time my husband and I argue he constantly tells me that he wants a divorce. We will argue about the smallest things that explodes into a full blown arguments that will last for days. When he is upset at me, he acts like I don't exist and ignores me. When I make attempts to try to talk to him he is unresponsive. This is the game that we have been playing for years now. I feel like he never takes into consideration my feelings or thoughts and is always so quick to just throw our marriage away. I am not like that. I am a firm believer in marriage and when you take your vows you are in it for the long haul. All tempts to try to fix the marriage should be considered but now I am finding myself struggling over the idea of divorce. 

He has said it so many times already but has never acted on it. This last time he said it, I feel like saying "Let's do it!" Obviously, for him to say it that many times he must genuinely feel that way and I am tired of dealing with aftermath of our arguments ... the rejection, the constant thought of doubting myself or thinking I did something wrong, the "silent treatment". Its emotionally stressful and this is not me. I feel like I cannot be the person I need to be for my child.
We have a 1 year old and the thought of my child not growing up without his father absolutely kills me. Now that the holidays are upon us I am so torn what to do. I honestly cannot bare the thought of spending the holidays with him and putting a show like everything is ok but I would do it for my child.
I'm thinking after the holidays to leave with the baby for a few days so he can get a taste of not having us around would be like.
Good idea or bad?

Just looking for some advice from anyone going / gone through similar situations.

*side note - we are currently not talking and he wants a divorce


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## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

My advice... do it. It will take him by surprise but tell him exactly how you feel, take the child and leave him there, see how he reacts to it.


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## Jewel_20 (Dec 23, 2013)

Thanks temperance for your advice. I'm a little scared on how he may react but I think that's the best thing right now.


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## Jewel_20 (Dec 23, 2013)

From a legal point of view, if I leave with my child, is that considered abandonment?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You should talk to a real lawyer...

Abandonment would be leaving without your child, though. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Jewel: I only want to offer you one warning. I recommend NOT leaving the state if/when you leave. Leaving the state with a child would be a bad idea legally. I would talk to a real lawyer though - oftentimes I hear they are willing to do free/low-cost initial meetings if money is an issue.

My opinion is that your husband most likely makes these threats because he knows they make you react a certain way. He may not necessarily MEAN it, but he knows if he says he wants a divorce the argument stops, you leave him alone, and then (I'm guessing here) you even apologize or try to make up for the argument. It's a pretty sweet deal for him, he isn't forced to take any sort of accountability.


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## JohnC_depressed (Dec 6, 2012)

Is he depressed, stressed, going through some sort of anxiety etc??? His threats do not seem rational unless ther is something else taking place. How is he with the 1 year old??


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

Jewel_20 said:


> I'm thinking after the holidays to leave with the baby for a few days so he can get a taste of not having us around would be like.
> Good idea or bad?


Jewel, I think this is the ONLY idea.

I think LoveAtDaisys is on to something. He has learned that he can win any argument with you and get his way by threatening divorce. Keep in mind that _you_ have allowed this behavior by not enforcing healthy boundaries.

You have to call him on it if you want it to stop. Just like with a child threatening to run away from home if they don't get their way. You say, "Okay. Bye... do you want me to help you pack?" After raising three kids (and being one myself long ago) I know this works. 

He sounds much like a child, to be honest. I'm guessing he learned this manipulative behavior early on because his parents didn't enforce healthy boundaries either.

I think you could both benefit from some counseling. You to learn to set healthy boundaries, him for communication issues and emotional manipulation.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

short answer...he doesn't want to be there anymore. I went through it too. I am sorry for your hurt. I hope that you find comfort for yourself and deeper meaning of life with or without him.


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## whostolethesoul (Dec 10, 2013)

*Re: Re: Contant threats of divorce*



Jewel_20 said:


> Struggling over the idea of divorce ... I've been doing some reading and I believe I am in a emotional abusive relationship.
> 
> Every time my husband and I argue he constantly tells me that he wants a divorce. We will argue about the smallest things that explodes into a full blown arguments that will last for days. When he is upset at me, he acts like I don't exist and ignores me. When I make attempts to try to talk to him he is unresponsive. This is the game that we have been playing for years now. I feel like he never takes into consideration my feelings or thoughts and is always so quick to just throw our marriage away. I am not like that. I am a firm believer in marriage and when you take your vows you are in it for the long haul. All tempts to try to fix the marriage should be considered but now I am finding myself struggling over the idea of divorce.
> 
> ...


He trying to force you to do it, so he can blame you...


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