# My husband told me he “wants to be free”



## JessM90 (Mar 27, 2021)

Thank you everyone!! I really appreciate everyone’s insight and feedback!!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Find out first if there's another woman and who she is


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Hello,

I am glad you found this message board. I am struggling with some slightly similar issues regarding some personal issues with my wife. We are all here to support you and please feel free to share what you feel comfortable sharing. Do you ever have date nights?


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

You mentioned he still kisses you. Do you feel uncomfortable with this since he said the spark is gone?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Counseling won't help at all if he's sleeping with another woman. You need to try and get to the bottom of that before wasting time and money in therapy. You said you think he's having a workplace affair, why do you think that? 

Can you look at his call records? His phone, computer, etc., or does he keep them locked down? Can you put a voice-activated recorder in his car? That would catch phone calls while on the road. 

Another thing to consider is his mental health. Acting like this could be because he has something going on there.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

He's told you he wants to be free. That sounds pretty clear. I'd do what he wants, and set him free.


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## JessM90 (Mar 27, 2021)

jorgegene said:


> Find out first if there's another woman and who she is


I’ve def tried. Haven’t found any evidence yet. Just a gut feeling.


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## JessM90 (Mar 27, 2021)

CN2622 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am glad you found this message board. I am struggling with some slightly similar issues regarding some personal issues with my wife. We are all here to support you and please feel free to share what you feel comfortable sharing. Do you ever have date nights?


Thank you for your support! We’ve went out for a dinners since he broke the news. We still hang out with our friend groups too.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

JessM90 said:


> Thank you for your support! We’ve went out for a dinners since he broke the news. We still hang out with our friend groups too.


Ok. And I’m sorry if this is asking too much information but has all intimacy stopped?


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## JessM90 (Mar 27, 2021)

CN2622 said:


> You mentioned he still kisses you. Do you feel uncomfortable with this since he said the spark is gone?


I don’t feel uncomfortable about it but maybe it’s just me trying to be hopeful


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Don't let him just stay there and keep you in limbo. He doesn't want responsibility anymore and he probably wants to chase women if he's not already. Doesn't sound to me like you have any unreasonable expectations. He just realized he's not cut out to be a husband at least not a good one. Give him divorce papers.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

JessM90 said:


> I don’t feel uncomfortable about it but maybe it’s just me trying to be hopeful


Do you feel the spark is gone?


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## JessM90 (Mar 27, 2021)

Livvie said:


> He's told you he wants to be free. That sounds pretty clear. I'd do what he wants, and set him free.


It’s something Im ready to do if it really come


bobert said:


> Counseling won't help at all if he's sleeping with another woman. You need to try and get to the bottom of that before wasting time and money in therapy. You said you think he's having a workplace affair, why do you think that?
> 
> Can you look at his call records? His phone, computer, etc., or does he keep them locked down? Can you put a voice-activated recorder in his car? That would catch phone calls while on the road.
> 
> Another thing to consider is his mental health. Acting like this could be because he has something going on there.


I pay the phone bill and looked at the records but nothing seems out of the blue. He could be deleting his texts before he gets home too. He’s constantly at work and taking overtime. But I don’t know if he’s really at work. It’s just a gut feeling.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

@JessM90 I apologize if my questions were too personal. That is not my intention and I’m just trying to understand what state the relationship is in from your perspective.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

JessM90 said:


> He’s constantly at work and taking overtime. But I don’t know if he’s really at work. It’s just a gut feeling.


If he's working so much his pay should reflect that, does it? Do you have access to his pay slips?


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

You can play Sherlock Holmes all you want, but it really makes no difference...He's said he isn't happy and wants out....Period..

He has a tough job with a lot of hours and a long commute, well. the reality is it's probably because he hates his life and rather be working and commuting, than at home.. His home isn't a haven.. there is nothing there for him,,,He resents it....Its just a place where he sleeps and a money pit....No kids either to make him want to come home...Then have to be subjected to being bossed around on top of it.? I can feel how miserable this guy is from here...

It's entirely possible that he met some woman that is making him happy, so now he's got a fire under his ass...hence the revelation...who knows?

I dunno....nagging him wont get you anywhere...I can understand your frustration, but at the end of the day. you both are fortunate to not have any kids...This can be pretty straightforward...

I think you need to prepare yourself for the inevitable...He could have a turn around, but it's not likely and how do you really recover from someone basically telling you he wants no part of you or this life you have??


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

JessM90 said:


> Hello. I don’t know where to start. I noticed the past few months that my husband was acting differently. I started getting on him on it and he eventually told me he’s not happy anymore. He said he doesn’t have fun with me anymore and it feels forced to hang out with me. He said we grew apart and don’t have that spark anymore. He said he’s tired of responsibility and just wants to be free. He said I’m always nagging him to do things like going to the store or chores around the house. We have been together seven years and married 4. We are in our early 30s. We own a house and no kids. He has a tough job with long hours with a long commute and I can own up to the fact that I do boss him around a lot. I didn’t mean to. I too work a full time job but it’s definitely not as intense as his. I told him I’m willing to change and admitted my fault. I even told him I’m willing to sell our house and just rent a small condo to help get rid of the pains of owning a house. He said he just wants to be free. He’s willing to go to counseling but he says he “doesn’t see how it will help” we still sleep in the same bed, go out to dinner, he still kisses me goodnight and says I love you but I feel like it’s out of pity. I also think he may be seeing someone at work. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I don’t know what to do. We have our first counseling session soon but I wanted to hear other peoples similar experience. Many of our friends are not marrried and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Thank you.


You don’t have kids...I say never chase a man who says he doesn’t want you. Find a man who is willing to do every last thing to save your relationship instead of “meh, I don’t feel sparkles anymore, I’m done.” You say you may be demanding and naggy... fix that for the next one.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

JessM90 said:


> I’ve def tried. Haven’t found any evidence yet. Just a gut feeling.


If it’s what it smells like ALL cheaters lie a lot.

With that said I’d let him go completely.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The OP has deleted her first post so I guess she has all the information she needs.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Openminded said:


> The OP has deleted her first post so I guess she has all the information she needs.


It's so rude to do that, delete your first post after getting a bunch of replies.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

I see the post has been copied in post #17, otherwise I wouldn't even know your story. Please don't delete your posts if you want to continue the conversation. 

If you think there is cheating, I'd seriously consider divorce. It may just be distance though. It sounds like you too aren't finding enough time to connect, and that the time you do have together isn't quality time.

If it really could be that he's overwhelmed with work and then feeling beat down when he comes home, you have some heavy lifting to do. A man will not be happy, and will not stay, where he feels disrespected and unappreciated. He expects you to be happy that he's working so hard. He expects you to be happy in general, not nagging him. 

Home needs to be a sanctuary. It needs to be the place he can't wait to come to, not the one he wants to avoid.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

I think he just may want out. Women want guys to communicate, he is. Mid 30s now, means he was in his 20s when you got together. Things change a lot for men during those years. Most guys are invisible when we're younger, but add some years, some hard work on our careers and fitness. Next thing you know you have more options than you ever thought you would. While this is not pleasant to hear, at least you know you're not staying with a guy who just settled for you.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

So Married said:


> I see the post has been copied in post #17, otherwise I wouldn't even know your story. Please don't delete your posts if you want to continue the conversation.
> 
> If you think there is cheating, I'd seriously consider divorce. It may just be distance though. It sounds like you too aren't finding enough time to connect, and that the time you do have together isn't quality time.
> 
> ...


I knew my dedication to the reply button would pay off one day! Yessss.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Livvie said:


> It's so rude to do that, delete your first post after getting a bunch of replies.


Which is why this thread is now closed to further replies.


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