# Hello!! New user here 👋🏼



## Socalgal78 (Nov 18, 2021)

I need to vent and came across this page, hopefully I can find some answers and peace of mind to mend my broken heart. Been married 20 years now my spouse had a son (4) and I had a daughter (5) at the time. Both bio parents on each side were MIA until my step son turned 11 and bio mom decided she wanted to come back into his life. Husband and I thought she just did it out of spite because she would appear and disappear as she pleased because she was “mom” so she said she could do whatever she wanted. Step sons teenage life was an emotional wreck due to bio mom not being consistent in his life. She convinced him to leave our home as soon as he turned 18 which caused us to only see him when he needed something. Step son is now a dad himself baby is 6months old now, but he has put me to the side won’t bring her to our house and tells his dad that he can go see his granddaughter whenever he wants because he works about 10 min away from the babysitter’s home. He hasn’t shown any interest in letting me be a part of the babies life. So my husband goes once a week during his lunch break to see the baby. He even messaged my younger daughter (half sister) to see when they can meet up so she can see the baby. I’m not sure what the reasons for his actions are, I try to not think much of it but I can’t help feeling like he doesn’t want me to be a part of her life. Any suggestions or advice is greatly appreciated, thank you in advance


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Your husband needs to talk to him and find out what is going on. It's not fair to exclude you after all this time.


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## Socalgal78 (Nov 18, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Your husband needs to talk to him and find out what is going on. It's not fair to exclude you after all this time.


Thank you, I just try to avoid conflict as much as possible between them but I don’t know how much of this I can take, I practically raised him, I threw the baby shower for him and his ex-girlfriend (baby’s mom) but I just feel used because when it comes to help we’re always there but then again there’s certain things that he doesn’t want me involved in. I don’t know wether just to step away completely or just stand on the sidelines, thank you again


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Sorry for what your step-son is doing to you @Socalgal78 It probably is his bio mom has turned him against you out of jealously. You husband should talk to his son and take up for you and let him know that this is no way to treat you and that you are his wife and he expects you to be treated with respect. He should also remind his son that you were the one who was there caring for him when he was sick and taking care of all of his needs going up. Best of luck!


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## Socalgal78 (Nov 18, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Sorry for what your step-son is doing to you @Socalgal78 It probably is his bio mom has turned him against you out of jealously. You husband should talk to his son and take up for you and let him know that this is no way to treat you and that you are his wife and he expects you to be treated with respect. He should also remind his son that you were the one who was there caring for him when he was sick and taking care of all of his needs going up. Best of luck!


Thank you so much!!! It really means a lot to hear this. Yes I was the one that did everything bio mom didn’t want to do as he was growing up, and yes I do believe that bio mom has a lot to do with it too.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Yea, your husband really needs to set him straight, he needs to stick up for you and provide consequences if step son doesn't figure it out.

Have you directly asked step son why he is acting this way toward you?

20 years is long time to be a step mom and wife to just be cast aside like this...


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## Socalgal78 (Nov 18, 2021)

re16 said:


> Yea, your husband really needs to set him straight, he needs to stick up for you and provide consequences if step son doesn't figure it out.
> 
> Have you directly asked step son why he is acting this way toward you?
> 
> 20 years is long time to be a step mom and wife to just be cast aside like this...


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## Socalgal78 (Nov 18, 2021)

Thank you for your response, 
whenever my step son has made me feel this way I always talk to my husband about it and honestly he doesn’t understand either, he acts this way towards his father as well sometimes. He tells him if he wants to see the baby he knows where she is , so he doesn’t feel like he has to bring her to our home but he takes her to bio moms house and out with my husbands parents and older sibling. We don’t know what we’ve done wrong but I do know he likes to be surrounded by people who believe his stories and lies.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your husband must step up for you, his wife.


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## Socalgal78 (Nov 18, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Your husband must step up for you, his wife.


Thank you so much I will talk to him.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i have actually seen a fair bit of this sort of thing, where a kid is born, and the parents are not allowed to interact with the newborn! 
it would have been unheard of back in the day. maybe today's youth does not value family ties as much as we used to. Maybe today's youth is too easily offended by the slightest grievance. who knows. it does seem to be a sign of the times though.

i HAVE seen such situations improve over time. maybe thee years from now, step son will change his thinking and welcome you back into both of their lives. good luck. I know it must hurt to be rejected after all the effort you put into raising step son!


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