# Contemplating having a third child - Pros and Cons?



## controlledchaos

We have 2 beautiful daughters, a stable home and financial environment, but I have always thought it would be great to have a son. Not only that, but I come from a larger family so down the line, I think it would be nice to have a third child. 

My wife is running out of time though (37) so we need to make this decision ASAP. Neither one of us is sure though. We're at the stage now where life is good, the kids are becoming more independent, and going back to strollers and dummies (pacifiers) and lack of sleep etc, it just seems too stressful and we're worried it could put a strain on our relationship. 

We are totally unsure what to do, because deep down we think that in 10/15 years or so we may regret not having a third. 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Are we being cowardly or lazy by not just going for it? If we could have a 4 year old, we would.. but going through the whole baby thing again, its just not very appealing right now :/ 

Any thoughts or opinions would be great to hear! Thanks


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## daffodilly

I grew up in 3, and have 3 myself. The cons are as Mavash said, especially for travelling....all "family" seems to be defined as 2 adults, 2 kids. You can get away with a 3 bedroom house, though, since you already have 2 daughters. Just realize your third may be a girl, too  

But all in all I love having 3 kids.


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## controlledchaos

Thank you for the replies. Yes the logistical side of things is another that is holding us back. We live far away from my side of the family so once a year we fly out there, which is a big and expensive trip in itself, and having to consider a fifth seat on a place is a bit daunting. 

It seems to be comfort, convenience, and financial, VS love, fun, and the good kind of chaos. It's a tricky one.


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## Mavash.

My In laws lived out of state and we quit flying when it got expensive. Cheaper to drive but still expensive with food and hotels.

We're past this now because they are no longer with us. 

But I got good travel experience. I no longer hesitate to jump in the van with the three of them. They can even pack. I love the adventure. My girls entertain each other.

I'm glad they don't share a room anymore. They did it for years but my middle is close to puberty and she does better in her own space.


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## IsGirl3

how old is your youngest? if you both think you want 3, then I think you should go for it. don't do it for the boy, though. I have 3 boys. A girl would have been nice, but I love my boys. So, you might have 3 girls. if you have a boy, well, then a whole new world will be opened up to you.

I have 2 friends who only have one child - a boy. The father is so happy with his boy with all the sports. I tell my friend - it's a good thing you had a boy and not a girl because the father is so involved in his son's life and they bond over sports.

But anyway and besides all that - if you are financially stable then those financial circumstances - hotel rooms, airfare, etc, is really very trivial compared to the enormity and joy of another child. And although I'm having ogida thinking of college expenses, I never for one second regret having a third child.


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## Wiltshireman

First off all let me admit my bias. My wife and I have 5 children so for us there was never a question of "shall we have another" we just accepted whatever we were blessed with.

As previous posters have said there is no guarantee of a boy so if you both decide that you do want a 3rd child be prepared for the possibility of a girl or also the possibility of a multiple birth (twins or more).

IMHO We all know that raising children (any number) is the most expensive and trying thing that we will ever do but it is also the most rewarding. The joy does not get any less as the numbers grow.


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## controlledchaos

I agree with the responses, thanks. Yes we're very aware that we may not have a boy. I almost feel like the chances are against us. Even if that happened, we would feel just as blessed and still be very happy with another beautiful little girl. 

Twins, wow, not that is something we never even though of. That would be scary. 

Our youngest currently is four, so she would be five by the time the new baby came. Not a difficult age I suppose. The strange thing is we feel like we're in a slightly different chapter of our lives now, believe it or not, as we've passed that 'tiny oddler' stage. 

The girls can go to the in-laws (that live in this country) over weekends, even longer, and we can live like adults again, not just parents. 

My wife doesn't know it but I've been obsessing about this for the last week, because I know that she'd really like a decision either way. It really is a very difficult one to make. 

I don't know if I mentioned it but deep down we do both feel like we'd love another child. We just get really stressed about the idea of a baby in the house again. 

It might seem strange to some of you that prefer a more natural approach, but I think we'll make a PROS vs CONS list, just to get it all out there, and then weigh things up. :smthumbup:


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## GTdad

Three is merely a good start. 

But your mileage may vary.


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## Soifon

When SO and I started dating I had 3 year old son, he had a 4 year old son. We discussed having a third that would be ours together and if it is something we really wanted or if we would be happy with the two we had. They were becoming independent, we were moving on to the next chapter of school and sports and all that fun stuff. We had come to the decision that it would be the 4 of us and that would be it. I was really happy with that decision. It felt like I was ready to move on to the next phase of parenthood.

Then we made a mistake and now we have an 8 month old little boy together, my son is 6 and his son is 7. I've never been a baby person and I hate the baby stage. I LOVE my new son of course. Sometimes I have regret because I was ready to move on. I feel like he did tie all of us together in a way we wouldn't have been before. Our situation is a little different but I can say that while I was and am slightly disappointed that I have to go through the baby stuff again it is still just as amazing as the first time and I am glad it has worked out this way.


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## VermisciousKnid

You spend at most maybe 1% of your life traveling, so the difficulties of traveling with three shouldn't even enter into the calculation. Likewise, the baby phase is really brief even though it seems interminable at times. Would you forgo another child because of those first two difficult years? For me the questions would be: Do you have enough energy? Do you have your health?


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## Anonymous07

Keep in mind that your third child may very well end up a girl as well and they don't stay young forever(3 teenage girls?). My cousin wanted to keep trying for a boy and ended up with 4 girls, in which 2 of them are now teenagers. He kind of regrets it now, but that is just his experience. 

For my husband and I, we only want 2 children and agreed on that before we got married. He is one of five children(oldest) and I am one of three(youngest). I did not like being from a family of three kids, as my older brothers always ganged up on me and I would be the "odd person out" in many situations. Don't get me wrong, I love my siblings, but any time we went out somewhere, I felt like I got stuck by myself. It's a big reason why I am very set on only having 2 children. I want my son to have a sibling, but 2 is enough.


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## Snow cherry

I'm not sure if I'd know how to advise another person contemplating another child. 
My situation is: I am an only child and grew up being comfortable around adults and was happy not to have to share my mom with a sibling. My H is one of 9 and grew up totally different. I had my first child at 21. 
I never actually planned on how many kids I'd have..I thought my 3rd would be my last. By the time I was 34 I had 7 kids...newborn-13 yrs old. I didn't think it was too hard when they were little. For me the difficult time is when they are teens. 
Currently, I have 3 that have left home, 1 18 yr old at home and 2 teens and an 11 yr old...I am at a point in my life where I wish they were all grown and out and I could just focus on my H.. I feel so DONE. 
I have 2 grandkids and enjoy them but couldn't imagine starting over again..but then 46 is different than being 37...
And when I was busy with my toddlers, I didn't know certain things...like how you could raise a child well and still have one rebel...so if I was 37, I'd be inclined to think about if I'd have the strength to endure a 16 yr old telling me to eff off when I'm in my 50's.


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## daffodilly

^^^ I will also vouch that having teens is 1000x harder than having school aged children! My 14 year old makes me lose sleep at night...not a "bad" kid but so easily influenced by others and the complete absence of common sense is maddening....


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## MyrnaLoy

We have 3 girls too (7 and 1 yr old twins). I kind of want a boy too, and we go back and forth on having another. Of course if we end up with twins again, we might die, lol. So right now we're leaning towards no. Having 3 is fine right now. I get how this is a hard decision-- there is no perfect choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders

We just had our 4th. In retrospect, #3 wasn't that more difficult. #4 has been SUPER difficult. It's a game changer, we can't do a lot of the things we used to do.


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## bilbo99

Of course everyone with more than two loves it so take that with a grain of salt. It's an individual decision for each couple. You aren't going to get any answers here.

I can empathize with you. What I worry about with a 3rd is future expenses. We are on a good track for college savings with two but can't put aside any more. So if we had a 2nd girl it would be split between them and they'd have to decide if they want money for college or for a wedding


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