# Think EA don't hurt? Think again.



## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Saw this news story and thought I'd post it.


SALEM, Mass. (WTW) — A Hamilton policeman thought his wife was having an affair with a Beverly officer and shot him in front of a crowded coffee shop before killing himself hours later, prosecutors said Thursday.

The morning of the Feb. 24 shooting, Kenneth Nagy confronted Jason Lantych on the phone with his suspicions, and Lantych asked if they could meet in person, telling Nagy, "It's not what you think, Ken," a report by Essex County District Attorney Jonathan Blodgett's office said.

The report said Lantych suggested meeting at Starbucks and joked that it was because he didn't want Nagy to shoot him.

After meeting at the coffee shop, they went outside and Nagy shot Lantych in the thigh and wrist as Nagy was in his vehicle, pulling out of the parking lot, the report said. Nagy returned hours later to Starbucks and shot himself in the head, the report said.

The prosecutor said in a statement that the shooting was "shocking and deeply unsettling." He said the only person who'd committed a crime was Nagy. "Therefore, this investigation is concluded," he said.

Blodgett credited bystanders for giving quick medical attention to Lantych, who was seriously wounded but survived.

Nagy, 43, was a 19-year veteran of the Hamilton department. He and his wife, Katherine, had two children. His wife knew Lantych from her work as the Beverly department's domestic violence victim advocate.

A Beverly police report obtained by the Salem News and The Boston Globe said Lantych told a Beverly detective who spoke with him at the hospital the day after he was shot that Katherine Nagy "poured her heart out to me" but said "I was never intimate with her."

The prosecutor's report said that on the day of the shooting, Nagy called in sick for his midnight shift, woke up his wife, and told her he believed she was having an affair with Lantych; they also discussed divorce, the report said.

Nagy texted Lantych, swore at him, and wrote, "See you soon my friend," according to the report. Nagy later phoned Lantych, and they agreed to meet at Starbucks following Lantych's shift. The two spoke calmly and left the shop, but Nagy stopped his SUV as he was backing out, and as Lantych approached, Nagy shot him then drove off, the report said.

Lantych stumbled back toward Starbucks where several patrons, including a registered nurse, gave him first aid, according to the report. Found with Nagy's body at Starbucks was a journal and copy of a suicide note, in which he said he intended to shoot Lantych and kill himself. Nagy left the original note at his Rowley home, along with cash, financial documents and instructions for his funeral.

Authorities said they would not release Nagy's suicide note.



Mass. cop killed self, shot man amid marital woes | Wisconsin Rapids Daily Tribune | wisconsinrapidstribune.com


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Sad.

Mind you, there is no proof it was just an EA other than the OM's words.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

snap said:


> Sad.
> 
> Mind you, there is no proof it was just an EA other than the OM's words.


I'm thinking that they were in a full blown PA. It just hasn't come out yet. I'd bet the proof was in the suicide letter that they refuse to release.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Beowulf, I think we can all agree that EAs hurt. And normal people might even think violent thoughts towards their partner who was emotionally unfaithful to them. Normal people then proceed to divorce or reconcile with their emotionally unfaithful partner as they see fit.

When the betrayed partner goes out and starts acting out those violent thoughts, as officer Nagy did, they lose any sympathy I might have had for them. 

My sympathy and prayers are reserved for the Nagy children, who lost their father in a most hateful manner.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

snap said:


> Sad.
> 
> Mind you, there is no proof it was just an EA other than the OM's words.


i also agree.
how many om are going to just admit something like this, especially with the outcome.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> She and her husband were “in the early stages of getting a divorce,’’ she said, and she had an “emotional relationship’’ with Lantych, 36, with whom she worked at the Beverly Police Department.


Yeah right!!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

NotLikeYou said:


> Beowulf, I think we can all agree that EAs hurt. And normal people might even think violent thoughts towards their partner who was emotionally unfaithful to them. Normal people then proceed to divorce or reconcile with their emotionally unfaithful partner as they see fit.
> 
> When the betrayed partner goes out and starts acting out those violent thoughts, as officer Nagy did, they lose any sympathy I might have had for them.
> 
> My sympathy and prayers are reserved for the Nagy children, who lost their father in a most hateful manner.


No, I do not think people really do understand that EAs hurt or how much. Witness the thread in the General Relationship section where a woman is stating that her EA doesn't hurt anyone and is actually helping her stay in her marriage. People are generally ignorant to the pain they cause others because they are acting on selfish impulses and "me first" behavior.

I completely agree that Officer Nagy does not deserve sympathy for what he did. But let me ask. What BS has not had thoughts of committing a violent act against the AP? If you say you haven't then you're lying. Fortunately most of us do not act on these feelings but people need to understand that these types of betrayals do have far reaching consequences. This couple and these children will live with this outcome forever.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> I'm thinking that they were in a full blown PA. It just hasn't come out yet. I'd bet the proof was in the suicide letter that they refuse to release.


Since we're engaging in wild, unfounded speculation, I'm going to guess that the type of person who would lure another to a public place with the intent to shoot him to death (never mind those innocent bystanders) may have been a less than ideal husband, father and human being, and there's probably a good reason his wife was divorcing him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> Since we're engaging in wild, unfounded speculation, I'm going to guess that the type of person who would lure another to a public place with the intent to shoot him to death (never mind those innocent bystanders) may have been a less than ideal husband, father and human being, and there's probably a good reason his wife was divorcing him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There may have been a good reason his wife was divorcing him but there was not a good reason that she was having an affair while still married.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> There may have been a good reason his wife was divorcing him but there was not a good reason that she was having an affair while still married.


Which we don't know to be the case. You're making the leap from "pour her heart out to me" to "affair."
I'm not willing to take the suspicions of a clearly disturbed person here as fact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> Since we're engaging in wild, unfounded speculation,
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe not wild unfounded speculation after all.

-------------------------------------------------------------
A Beverly cop shot in the groin area by a jealous husband could still face disciplinary action for his “emotional relationship” that he told authorities “got out of hand” with the wife of a Hamilton police sergeant who later committed suicide.

Beverly police Chief Mark Ray would not rule out punishment for Beverly officer Jason Lantych, who was shot Feb. 24 by Hamilton Police Sgt. Kenneth Nagy using his service sidearm.

“I’ll give you that answer once the internal investigation is completed,” Ray told the Herald. “We’re looking at how we responded, if policies were violated, if we should have had policies in place, we’re looking to improve this department.”

Penalty not ruled out for shot cop - BostonHerald.com
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According to police reports, a groggy Lantych suffering from his wounds in the hospital admitted to being close to Nagy’s wife, Katherine.

“She has poured her heart out to me,” Lantych said in one report, adding he had known the 32-year-old woman since high school.

“I had a moment of weakness with Katy. ... I was never intimate with her,” he added, according to the report.

Police: Beverly cop had ‘moment of weakness’ with sergeant’s wife - BostonHerald.com
-------------------------------------------------------------


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

More details for those that are interested.

The police reports also reveal that Kenneth and Katie Nagy were in the early stages of getting a divorce. In an interview with state police at her parents' home five hours after the shooting, with her two sons sleeping upstairs, Katie Nagy said her husband had just become aware of her "emotional relationship" with Lantych.

Katie Nagy said that she had admitted the relationship earlier that day, and Kenneth told her he was looking for a divorce attorney. Katie said she had been in marriage counseling for six months.

She also told police that she suspected that her husband had been listening to or taping her conversations because he was repeating things back to her that she had said in telephone conversations.

A Beverly police officer had told Nagy that his wife was "screwing around," she said.

New Details Released in Shooting of Mass. Officer - Officer.com

“You piece of (expletive) how could you do something like this to me,” the report later quotes Kenneth Nagy as saying to Lantych.

The DA had been looking into the relationship between the divorced Lantych and Nagy’s wife, Katherine “Katie” Nagy, a mother of two sons aged 5 and 7, who works as an advocate in the Beverly police domestic violence unit.

Another workplace affair gone bad.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

dgtal said:


> Does Lantych have a wife? I bet he's married
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Recently divorced.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

He knew that they were having problems and the talk they had that morning revealed something that broke him I guess. I'm guessing that he was getting the ILUBNILWU for quite sometime(they were in counselling for 6 months) and whatever was was said that morning broke the camel's back.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> He knew that they were having problems and the talk they had that morning revealed something that broke him I guess. I'm guessing that he was getting the ILUBNILWU for quite sometime(they were in counselling for 6 months) and whatever was was said that morning broke the camel's back.


He was told by another Beverly officer that his wife was screwing around on him. Lantych and his wife both worked together at the Beverly PD. Nagy confronted his wife that morning and she confirmed her affair with Lantych. That's what set him off.


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

FrankKissel said:


> Since we're engaging in wild, unfounded speculation, I'm going to guess that the type of person who would lure another to a public place with the intent to shoot him to death (never mind those innocent bystanders) may have been a less than ideal husband, father and human being, and there's probably a good reason his wife was divorcing him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If I read that correctly, it was a trained cop shooting at a man at very close range...and hit him in the thigh and arm. Sounds to me as his intentions were purely to injure him severely, not murder him. Moreover, if murder was the intent, why not the third bullet in his head when the OM was down?

Not excusing his action, but I understand them. When I found out about the OM I fantasized about severely hurting him, sometihng aking to this (not with a gun, with a bat). Likely, on Dday, had he been in the same room and I had I weapon I cant say I wouldnt have dont it. Does this, admittedly wrong response, therefore make me a bad person? No it doesnt. Neither does it the cop. He lost his temper/soul...He could have been the best person in the world and still capable of losing it on that particular day.


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

also, what is "ILUBNILWU"?


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

brokenbloke said:


> If I read that correctly, it was a trained cop shooting at a man at very close range...and hit him in the thigh and arm. Sounds to me as his intentions were purely to injure him severely, not murder him. Moreover, if murder was the intent, why not the third bullet in his head when the OM was down?
> 
> Not excusing his action, but I understand them. When I found out about the OM I fantasized about severely hurting him, sometihng aking to this (not with a gun, with a bat). Likely, on Dday, had he been in the same room and I had I weapon I cant say I wouldnt have dont it. Does this, admittedly wrong response, therefore make me a bad person? No it doesnt. Neither does it the cop. He lost his temper/soul...He could have been the best person in the world and still capable of losing it on that particular day.


It may make him a bad person, but he's far from "the best person in the world." His anger is entirely justified. His actions are not. 

Saying "I don't condone his actions, but understand them" sounds an awful lot like "I don't condone his/her cheating, but I understand it."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

brokenbloke said:


> also, what is "ILUBNILWU"?


I love you but I am not in love with you


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

brokenbloke said:


> If I read that correctly, it was a trained cop shooting at a man at very close range...and hit him in the thigh and arm. Sounds to me as his intentions were purely to injure him severely, not murder him. Moreover, if murder was the intent, why not the third bullet in his head when the OM was down?
> 
> Not excusing his action, but I understand them. When I found out about the OM I fantasized about severely hurting him, sometihng aking to this (not with a gun, with a bat). Likely, on Dday, had he been in the same room and I had I weapon I cant say I wouldnt have dont it. Does this, admittedly wrong response, therefore make me a bad person? No it doesnt. Neither does it the cop. He lost his temper/soul...He could have been the best person in the world and still capable of losing it on that particular day.


Nagy was a 19 year veteran officer. From all accounts I've read he was an upstanding guy and before this last year he was usually upbeat and level headed. He was extremely well liked by his coworkers and friends. That's probably why one of the other Beverly officers clued him in about his wife.

It just shows you how traumatic infidelity can be and how destabilizing an effect it can have on ever the sanest people. I don't think there is a BS out there that hasn't dreamt of getting revenge on the OM/OW. Sometimes these thoughts can be violent in nature. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. But when your emotions are raw confronting the OM/OW can have a destructive outcome. Like it did here.

I can still recall my D-Day. I can still feel those emotions. Time may have dulled them somewhat but they're still there. If the OM was around when I found out I really don't know how I would have reacted. I might have attacked him and I'm not sure once I got started if I would have been able to stop. Thankfully that was not the case.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

I can't deny that I have wished my stbxh AP was dead. Not by my hands mind you, maybe an earthquake or a tornado. But then I always take it back since the bi!ch has kids. Just being honest.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> It may make him a bad person, but he's far from "the best person in the world." His anger is entirely justified. His actions are not.
> 
> Saying "I don't condone his actions, but understand them" sounds an awful lot like "I don't condone his/her cheating, but I understand it."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In many cases we can understand why someone would crave attention, sex, communication, affection from someone else if they're not getting it from their partner. We don't condone the action of seeking it out and succumbing to the temptations to satisfy that need outside the marriage. We advocate a healthier course of action. Communicate with your partner and work on your marriage come to mind.

We can understand Officer Nagy's feelings and desire for revenge. We can understand his need to confront Lantych. We can understand how his emotions got out of control and he lost it. We don't condone it but if you're a BS and you say you haven't had those thought you're not being honest. That is why we tell BS do not confront the OM/OW. Concentrate on your wife/husband and your marriage. But we can still understand the perceived need.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

The beaten woman who kills her husband must have deserved the beatings


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> It just shows you how traumatic infidelity can be and how destabilizing an effect it can have on ever the sanest people.


I view infidelity as a tsunami like the one that hit Japan last year. Some people died immediately, others escaped unscathed, and others received traumatic injuries. It all depends on where you are, psychologically speaking, as a person when it hits.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

morituri said:


> I view infidelity as a tsunami like the one that hit Japan last year. Some people died immediately, others escaped unscathed, and others received traumatic injuries. It all depends on where you are, psychologically speaking, as a person when it hits.


Well put:smthumbup:

in my case. I killed OM, 1 million times in my head.
stopped counting after that..


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Has anyone heard of a band from Texas called Blue October? One of the songs they perform is called James and the lyrics are chilling but they represent what a person who is betrayed feels. BTW, the lead singer wrote this song right after he found his fiance in bed with his best friend.

_"James"

Kneel down
Close your eyes
Hit the ground
I want you to, to kneel all day
Alone in this desolate cave

So I said
Scream if you want to
Cause no one is around
I want you to
To scream all day
Cause there's eleven words that I've rehearsed to say

And I say
How I love to hate you! [repeat]

You're
not so brave
When I'm the snake
And you're my prey
Let me tell you I'll eat all day
Alone in this desolate cave

So I say
Squeal if you want to
Cause no
no one is around
I want you to
To squeal all day
Cause there's eleven words that I've rehearsed to say

And I say
How I love to hate you! [repeat]
James, how I love to hate you
Oh, how I love
How I love to hate you..._


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

The betrayer gets it all, her partner in crime suffers minor injuries, the betrayed dies. Yep, sounds like real life..


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Oh yeah,they hurt.Open my head, insert a blender,turn it on high.Another hurt spouse is served.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Yeah they hurt real bad. I think I took my H's EA worse then his PA because I am an emotional person. I am sure that because my H is a physical person that if I were to have an EA he might get over it but if I were to have a PA he would be distroyed. I am guessing that is why I took one harder then the other. I could be wrong but I know the EA hurt more then the PA. So I have been trying to figure out why it impacted me more? IDK 


The man killing him self is proof that he was more disturbed then just finding an affair. It may have been the straw that broke the camels back but it takes more then the discovery of an affair to make someone do that. Or a lot more betrayeds would be taking their own lives and others.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's probably secretly glad her husband offed himself, even though she is facing the shame of what she did. She's a marked woman now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Beowulf said:


> Nagy was a 19 year veteran officer. From all accounts I've read he was an upstanding guy and before this last year he was usually upbeat and level headed. He was extremely well liked by his coworkers and friends. That's probably why one of the other Beverly officers clued him in about his wife.
> 
> It just shows you how traumatic infidelity can be and how destabilizing an effect it can have on ever the sanest people. I don't think there is a BS out there that hasn't dreamt of getting revenge on the OM/OW. Sometimes these thoughts can be violent in nature. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. But when your emotions are raw confronting the OM/OW can have a destructive outcome. Like it did here.
> 
> I can still recall my D-Day. I can still feel those emotions. Time may have dulled them somewhat but they're still there. If the OM was around when I found out I really don't know how I would have reacted. I might have attacked him and I'm not sure once I got started if I would have been able to stop. Thankfully that was not the case.


I don't think this shooting was "proof" of what a lousy husband the dead man was (as another alluded to), but rather, the depth of pain of a man who's wife is cheating so assertively and within his community of cops to boot.

And one of his brothers at arms is intruding willfully in his marriage.

His entire world was collapsing in a disturbingly offensive way.

The person he loved was spreading her legs (I have no doubt) for this interloper and they were getting away with destroying his life.

I totally get how he would do what he did.

I'm not condoning it, but I get it.

I wish he had realized from the depth of the hell her cheating had put him, that there was a way out.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Yes I agree anyone is capable of losing it in a crisis type situation
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It's interesting that when it is the wife who has had a PA, with no feelings of love for the OM, she is hoping that her husband will recover much faster - she views that it could have been worse if she had fallen in love with the OM. On the other hand, when it is the husband who had an EA, he is hoping that his wife will recover much faster - he views that it could have been worse if he had sex with the OW.

I know that I'm generalizing with regards to how the genders view which is worse, an EA or a PA, but it usually very close to the truth.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

For me if it starts out as an EA,bad enough,If PA follows it only cements the affair,in my mind thats it,she has given herself over body and soul.Everyone is different though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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