# am I too easy going??



## Firefly_99 (Sep 21, 2011)

this is the one topic that me and my husband fight about most...i can be really angry or upset then get over it in an hour and totally be ok...my husband can be mad about something for days and tends to get angry because i just "get over" things too easily he refers to me as a light switch lol i like to forgive and be done with the issue and can be happy like nothing ever happened...he can be mad for hours even days...when i try to be happy like nothing happened he gets more angry, its not that i dont take things seriously, i just like to be forgiving and happy, how do i get him to understand me?? is it me that needs to be more serious?? help!


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

IMO, it depends if you are forgiving and forgetting because you worked the issue out, or if you are just ignoring the issue all together for the sake of being happy.

My wife is very very forgiving, and we keep having the same problems over and over again, because we don't fight in a healthy way by resolving the issue before letting it go. Drives me crazy sometimes.


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## Haley (Apr 22, 2011)

I had to laugh when I read this, because my easy going husband says that I'm wrong for staying mad and letting my anger stew for too long.

He explodes and punches a hole in the wall, I keep it inside. He says I should know a few holes in the drywall. He says my actions are passive aggressive and dishonest. I say his explosion are hurtful and scarey.

Would he really me to throw things?

Would your husband want you upset for days?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I suppose my wife would probibly say the same about me in this reguard. On the other hand I would say she can't let things go. I suppose this brings a bit of a balance to us as a couple. People are who they are, he by the time you got married should know this.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

I wish my ex wife was like you. She would literally call me at work wanting to discuss ad nauseum last nights "issue". Eventually I would just ignore her calls since I'm at work. Some people are just miserable a holes who love drama. 

There is nothing wrong with having your attitude. Sometimes you can't fix a problem in one fight but being pissed constantly makes it 10x worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

Acorn said:


> IMO, it depends if you are forgiving and forgetting because you worked the issue out, or if you are just ignoring the issue all together for the sake of being happy.
> 
> My wife is very very forgiving, and we keep having the same problems over and over again, because we don't fight in a healthy way by resolving the issue before letting it go. Drives me crazy sometimes.


My husband is not very very forgiving but he tends not to talk about the problem. Just lets it go after a while/sometimes days / and we also fight again and again about the same thing . Don't know how to tell him we need to just TALK!!!


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

charlene said:


> My husband is not very very forgiving but he tends not to talk about the problem. Just lets it go after a while/sometimes days / and we also fight again and again about the same thing . Don't know how to tell him we need to just TALK!!!


Yes, I think there is definitely a balance.

If a partner rambles on and on without moving toward a solution and the fights go on forever, they are doing it at the expense of their partner.

If a partner lets something go without addressing the other's need for a solution, they are doing it at the expense of their partner.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Firefly_99 said:


> this is the one topic that me and my husband fight about most...i can be really angry or upset then get over it in an hour and totally be ok...my husband can be mad about something for days and tends to get angry because i just "get over" things too easily he refers to me as a light switch lol i like to forgive and be done with the issue and can be happy like nothing ever happened...he can be mad for hours even days...when i try to be happy like nothing happened he gets more angry, its not that i dont take things seriously, i just like to be forgiving and happy, how do i get him to understand me?? is it me that needs to be more serious?? help!


Take the time to do a few Temperment tests, it will explain ALOT about you & his differing behaviors >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ments-our-spouses-better-understand-them.html

I suspect you are a Phlegmatic (they are generally very easy going by nature, my husband is one) . Me, on the other hand, more things bother me, upset my world, though I do force myself to work through them as qucikly as humanly possible . Each temperment has its strenghts and it's weaknesses. Our job is to work on those strengths, overcoming the weaknesses that hurt us in our relationships. 

Sounds like your hubby is STUCK on some of those unfavorable weaknesses. I suspect him being a brooding Melancholy, maybe some Choleric (fuels some of that anger). 

How Serious are these fights? 


OR scrap all of that... your husband feels YOU are burying the problem, overlooking the real issues (whatever they are). For him -in his mind -they are not FULLY resolved, maybe he wants to go DEEPER, maybe for him, he needs that somehow, so - just engage him, talk it over some more, until he feels *satisfied*. Unless he is a completely unreasonable man, this should help calm him down.


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## Firefly_99 (Sep 21, 2011)

this usually happens after i "believe" the fight is resolved...im willing to just end the argument and say sorry and be done with it, reading everyones response i realize im avoiding the problem because i dont want the confrontation... im such a non-confrontational person.. thank you simplyamourous for the advice


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Firefly_99 said:


> i can be really angry or upset then get over it in an hour and totally be ok...my husband can be mad about something for days and tends to get angry because i just "get over" things too easily he refers to me as a light switch lol i like to forgive and be done with the issue and can be happy like nothing ever happened...he can be mad for hours even days...when i try to be happy like nothing happened he gets more angry, its not that i dont take things seriously, i just like to be forgiving and happy, how do i get him to understand me?? is it me that needs to be more serious?? help!


Not really. This is not about seriousness (whatever that means), this is about character resiliency. Ideally, everyone would get over everything by the end of the day. It sounds like you are already there but your husband is carrying an additional burden of being resentful of your doing the right thing in addition to whatever the original disagreement was.

I used to be a bit slow getting over things myself (an understatement), but I now get over everything in a couple hours or less and I couldn't be happier. Even my wife is impressed with my new character. I do not go to bed with any bad feelings in my heart. Sometimes my wife has to stay up later than her desired bedtime to work things out with me, but she is also starting to see the merit of this new way and seeing her way clear to help.

If I can do this, anyone can. One only has to see clearly why it is a desirable way to be. In my humble opinion, being able to enjoy the rest of your life free from the burden of all these ill feelings should be more than enough to convince anyone


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