# I think it's over



## dactylburd (Oct 31, 2012)

Backstory, together 11 yrs, married 7, I have a son 18, he has a son 14 who lives with us and we have 2 girls 4 & 7. I found out he had an one time affair 3yrs ago with an old high school girl who lived 1/2 way across the country. Thanks Facebook. Last summer I found about about another affair with a friends ex, she was married too. Since then, all the blame has basically been on me. When I suspected cheating we went back to counseling. He was leaving to Vegas and I had suspicions. He lied in counseling, I caught him, we continued counseling and although he was still distant he said he wanted to save the marriage. It has been 7 months since DD. we were making real progress in counseling then it halted. Our last session our counselor nicely pointed out that he was inadvertently causing fights by non-communication and not resolving daily problems. He is very obstinent and it is enough to drive me mad, it is. We haven't been back to counseling because he says no (except tonight during a fight be claims I've never brought it up). We fight everyday and its horrible. I usually end up a crying heap and he shows no emotion and just says to leave the room, he doesn't want to talk. I ask for a time when we can sit down and come up with some resolutions, he says 2 months ( being a jerk) I say why, he says because. Etc. it's a nightmare. I a, begging for resolution! We have no money yet he's blowing money. I have my own checking account now but I only work p/t. I used to make great money before the birth of our last daughter but love my job now. I try to pick up hours but I don't know how this is going to work. He is self employed and hasn't had consistent income the last several years. He has also not paid consistently on our bills or house and my credit is ruined. I've asked him to leave, he refuses. I say, one of us has to go this is unhealthy and if I go I'm taking the girls. He says, if I leave I'm taking the girls. I don't know what to do? I have no money for an attorney. Please help I'm at my wits end and emotionally can't take it any more!!!! I feel like this is emotionally abusive, he agrees but says he doesn't know how to not be an jerk.:scratchhead


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Sounds like some time apart is in order, put things into perspective, for both of you. Do you have a friend or some family close by that u can move in with for 2 months? For now, as long as you together and not able to even get the issues out in the open, your oil and water. Trial seperations are good if you use the time wisely. Not sure any counseling would do any good if one of you isn't willing to even address the problems. Good luck


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## Vevetrois (May 3, 2013)

This is definitely an unhealthy situation it appears he has no desire to change his behavior or fix this situation. And since that is the case you should begin preparing for a life without him. Life is to short to be miserable everyday like you say you are. 

I would suggest you work out a solid plan, write it down and work on it diligently. If you cannot move in with friends or family, I would think your first priority would be to increase your income. Find out how much it would be to move into a small apartment for you and your girls and begin saving like crazy for that. After you get out you can begin saving for the attorney fees to file for a divorce. 

Nobody wants their marriage to end in divorce but if the other person is unwilling to work on the marriage it doesn't leave you much choice. Best of luck and stay strong for you and your kids. You can get through this.


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