# Separated 6 years and he's still trying to control me



## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

I'm just posting this to see if there is anyone out there who has ever experienced something like this. I was married to a narcissist for 12 years, but it's been 6 years since we separated (2 years actually divorced). I always knew that trying to leave him would be extremely trying, but this is beyond anything I could have imagined. 

It took 4 years to come to a settlement because first he refused to accept it was over (first two years). The next two was spent fighting over custody. In the end, I have sole decision making authority for the kids and he has access every other weekend. He has basically never paid child support willingly (only when forced by government) and hasn't paid any support of any kind in over a year. Because of COVID the government agency that normally puts enforcements in place is unable to do so. So there is no penalty for him not paying. 

I decided to sell my home (that I bought him out of when we divorced) to take advantage of the hot market. When he found out how much I sold it for, he threatened to stop the sale and has even gone so far as to contact the buying agent and pose as a contractor who hasn't been paid for work completed on the house (which could mean a lien would go on the house) and to tell him that he cut corners as he was doing the work. This was all in an effort to have the buyer walk away. 

He has threatened my family and my fiancé, but only in veiled (non-violent) ways. He says he can make sure that none of them are employable (they are all teachers). When my daughter refused to go for a regular access visit (she is of age where she can do so), he showed up at her school anyway and behaved in such a way that they had to put the school on lockdown. 

This is has all just been in the past two weeks. He is spiraling out of control, and I'm fearful of what he might do next. I have security cameras, a big dog and when I move I will do everything I can to make sure he doesn't know where I am but there is still no telling what he might try. 

Has anyone ever heard of anything like this?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Can't say that I have heard of this. It's certainly over the top. Can you get a restraining order? 

Did the sale of the house go through? If he screwed that up for you, talk to a lawyer & sue him for something called Intentional Interference with A Contractual Advantage. Your family members who are teachers can also make claims if they lost their jobs as a result of his antics.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Get a gun and an alarm system.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Yes actually, I've heard of it quite often. You have no orders? Harassment or domestic violence related? If not then go get one.


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## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

Benbutton said:


> Yes actually, I've heard of it quite often. You have no orders? Harassment or domestic violence related? If not then go get one.


There was an order in place for a couple of years after we separated but it's expired. And I will be seeking a new one if this continues (we are in the middle of mediation regarding the kid's access) so my lawyer has made it clear these actions can't continue. But I'm not sure this would even be grounds for a restraining order. No real physical threat? And not necessarily against me but my family. I've tried to get an order in the past because he was threatening my boyfriend at the time. The court said I couldn't based on his actions, but my boyfriend could.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MovingOn19 said:


> There was an order in place for a couple of years after we separated but it's expired. And I will be seeking a new one if this continues (we are in the middle of mediation regarding the kid's access) so my lawyer has made it clear these actions can't continue. But I'm not sure this would even be grounds for a restraining order. No real physical threat? And not necessarily against me but my family. I've tried to get an order in the past because he was threatening my boyfriend at the time. The court said I couldn't based on his actions, but my boyfriend could.


Reup it so the first time the police can be involved.


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