# Separated two weeks from wife, anxiety is getting to me



## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

Hi,

My wife and i have been married for 5 years and have a three year old boy.

When we me , she came from a 9 year relationship that never got anywhere as the guy never inteded to marry her.

I came and she put me in a pedestal. We fell in love after meeting in a postgrad course. We dated for 6 months and got engaed. Married a year later. we both wre much in love and were shure we were each other's match.

The first year of marriage was great, even though we had some problems in bed as she initiated sex sometimes and in some of those times i was a sleep and didn't responded to her. Also she found out i masturbated every once in a while and felt as i had replaced sex with her with masturbation. we addressed that problem but didn't follow it through. Everything else was great, we were a great match.

A year into the marriage we found out she was pregnant and that year everything went along great, we loved the joy of being parents.

Into the third year of our relationship, we started to drift apart, she got very comfortable into her role as mother and i got into other hobbies. Lack of communication mad us drift further and further apart, we wre great parents but i started seeing her more as the mother of my son tan my wife and got comfortable into that role.

She also felt sometimes that when i drank i drank too much and asked me many times to change certain habits like drinking, being more mature and responsable with my actions. I always said yeah, shure i'll change but never did.

She is not the most loving person of the world, the most affectionate and even though i knew she loved me i felt there was something missing and started to drift further apart and took her for granted and didn't give her her deserved place.

I knew things were not OK with us but not to the point of her being not happy with the marriage.

About 5 weeks ago i drank more thatn i should at our son's BDday party, she got upset and changed her attitude towards me. More distant, less caring and more indiferent.

I felt the change and started to change myself, being more caring, more loving, stopped drinking to get drunk, was more more her, but she already was emotionally disconnected and she tried sometimes but felt like she didn't feel being caring and affectionate with me.


See the problem is she is full of anger and resentment towards me and felt like i had "tricked" her into making her believe i was a certain way when we wre dating and that was just a masquarade i put on into making her believe i was a certain wsy, which i wasn't in the long run according to her. More matured, responsable of my actions, more driven, had more spark, etc.

I told her that has always been me, that i didn't led her into anything , that i stopped making an effort and rested on my laurels, stopped trying, but that now 'am full commited into being the best that i can be. of course she doesn't believe me.

She had me on a pedestal, and said ythat the pedestal came crushing down. 

We wenet to marriage counseling two times and the therapist told her that wehen people start dating they give their bes face and that sometimes, which i think is the case, people have this expectations of their partner, they idolize them and want them to be a certain way and don't see the flaws in their carachter, when the flaws appear they are angry and sisspointed, which i think she's angry at her for believe i would be a certain way.

So, i made all this effort but i was putting to much pressure on her and i was overdoing it. She felt asphixiated and couldn't cope with the whole thing and asked for space to clear her feelings and thoughts.

She says that she doesn't know that if because of the anger and resentment she has towards me, that is not making her see clearly and that the love is coverd in layers and layers of crap or if she just doesn0t love me like she used to and doesn't have the energy to go through.

She says that i have to change a lot (i am going to therapy) and that she doesn0't belive that i can change for good, which i know that with the help of the therapist i can.

She is also going to therapy to deal with thse feelings of anger and resentment which she doesn't wan to have.

She says that she will like me to come back to the house, but not right now, she has a lot to figure out (feelings and will to continue), that she has thought of all the scenarios (divorce, getting back together) but is still very unshure, hence the therapy. That this situation needs to be resolved sometime son. She's not comfortable with the situation, even though she's at peace righ now and not missing me.

On the other hand i'm very anxious and 'am working towards improving myself and being a better person. But this is killing me, the uncertainty, not knowing what's going to happen and being apart from her and my son and my home.

I still pick up mys on somedays and taking to school, she has asked me to come to the house certain days to take care of my son while she sees patients (she's a physical Therapist).

She has also been very stressed the last couple of years with work (Works at a cancer hospital), patients, house chores (which i always helped), son, husband and it's taking a toll on her too.

She has asked me for space that's what i intent to do.

But it' is eating my soul right now.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

1 - never move out. You are abandoning your family. SHould it come to D, this will be used against you.
2 - how can you improve your relationship while separated?
3 - R you sure there is no other man in her life? Hospitals are rife with infidelity
4 - why have you not had MC


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

naiveonedave said:


> 1 - never move out. You are abandoning your family. SHould it come to D, this will be used against you.
> 2 - how can you improve your relationship while separated?
> 3 - R you sure there is no other man in her life? Hospitals are rife with infidelity
> 4 - why have you not had MC


1. I didn't want to move out but as things were i was hurting with her attitude towards me sometimes and i was putting more pressure on her. I moved out thinking this was the best or only solution at times. Sometimes i regret it, sometimes i think i would be in a worse place had i stayed in.

2. I know, that's what i thought. But right now she's emotionally blocked and full of anger and resentment. She doesn't want to work on the marriage together right now, as if she thinks it's mainly to do with me, which it isn't. She has as much responsability as me in the bad communication we have had.

3. i though about it and even suspected one of her old school mates which drove me nuts. I don't really think there's anything going on phisically, but who knows if emotionally. Her carácter, knowing her as i know would not allow her to have a side thing without closing the door on our marriage first. Whe i confronted he about it, the way she reacted and looking at her eyes made me realice she wasn't lying. But you can't really be 100% shure.

4. We quitted because she though we should each focus on our won therapy. being at a deadlock in that point of not advancing in our relationship made me think also that was the way to go.

It seems as if i have conceded too much, but i know my part in the wrongdoing in the marriage and have lots of guilt because of my actions. But she's also responsable for a lot of things, which i'm shure she will find out in therapy.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

soft confronts don't work. It could be purely an EA, read up on this site. The lack of sex is a bad, bad sign. Never reject your W is a good rule of thumb.

Get back in the house, your child needs you.

I would try to be stealthy and look for clues, like text volume, FB friends and the like. Too early in a relationship for all this drama.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

I know about too early for all the drama. I believe sha has issues from her past that she needs to deal with in individual therapy that are not helping with the anger and resentment.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Choose to live said:


> 3. i though about it and even suspected one of her old school mates which drove me nuts. I don't really think there's anything going on phisically, but who knows if emotionally. Her carácter, knowing her as i know would not allow her to have a side thing without closing the door on our marriage first. Whe i confronted he about it, the way she reacted and looking at her eyes made me realice she wasn't lying. But you can't really be 100% shure.


 How did the posters on this thread know to ask if there was another man when you had not indicated so? Answer, because your wife is treating you the way every cheater treats their spouse when they are about to or have already have entered into an affair. The odds that there is another man are very high.

Cheaters try to hold their spouse to a standard of perfection that they know their spouse as a human will fail. They want you to fail so that they can get you to give them the space that they need to cheat. You are not perfect, but nothing that you have done warrants the anger that she has for you. For example, the fact that you cannot get an erection on command when she wakes you from your sleep is normal; also, studies show that most men masturbate. As for your drinking, although you need to tone it down a bit, it does not sound like it has impacted your job or that you have gotten any DUIs, so again her anger is way out of line. You do not physically, or verbally abuse her. You hold a job. You do not cheat on her. You sound like a nice guy. The very fact that you try to improve to make her happy and are willing to accept blame and work on ways to make you a better husband, shows that you are a good spouse. Better than most in fact. You are not perfect, but neither is she.

Cheaters believe that once you are separated that they do not have to honor their marriage vows, and that seeing other men is no longer cheating. They will not tell you this, because they want to keep you as plan B. Move back in now and let the chips fall where they will. If there is still a marriage to be saved, your odds are much better if you move back home. If she has already moved on to another man, your odds in the divorce are better if you are in the home.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

TRy said:


> How did the posters on this thread know to ask if there was another man when you had not indicated so? Answer, because your wife is treating you the way every cheater treats their spouse when they are about to or have already have entered into an affair. The odds that there is another man are very high.
> 
> Cheaters try to hold their spouse to a standard of perfection that they know their spouse as a human will fail. They want you to fail so that they can get you to give them the space that they need to cheat. You are not perfect, but nothing that you have done warrants the anger that she has for you. For example, the fact that you cannot get an erection on command when she wakes you from your sleep is normal; also, studies show that most men masturbate. As for your drinking, although you need to tone it down a bit, it does not sound like it has impacted your job or that you have gotten any DUIs, so again her anger is way out of line. You do not physically, or verbally abuse her. You hold a job. You do not cheat on her. You sound like a nice guy. The very fact that you try to improve to make her happy and are willing to accept blame and work on ways to make you a better husband, shows that you are a good spouse. Better than most in fact. You are not perfect, but neither is she.
> 
> Cheaters believe that once you are separated that they do not have to honor their marriage vows, and that seeing other men is no longer cheating. They will not tell you this, because they want to keep you as plan B. Move back in now and let the chips fall where they will. If there is still a marriage to be saved, your odds are much better if you move back home. If she has already moved on to another man, your odds in the divorce are better if you are in the home.


The problems we have been having in the marriage have gone on for a long time, this is not something that happend overnight. It's been a steady decline, on part of both and a lot on me.

Not to be in denial, but i don't think eh's having an affair. She would be the most hypocritical person in the world. And she's never been the lying type, to the contrary i have been, which has always been a problem.

I may be a douchebadg, because i did not mention that i did cheat on her on various ocassions in the past, which she doesn't know and to which i'm very, very sorry and regretfull. Doing a lot of soul searching and changing my behaviour.

She knows, according to laws in our country (Panama) that having an infidelity would bring her options in a divorce down by a lot. Not to mention the hurt and dissapointed she would bring her parents (which are very pro family with high morals), our son if he would were to know later.

I think that if she was having an affair or were about to, she would not be going to individual therapy to help her with her feelings of anger and resentment, she would be wasting her money. I mean if she wants out, let her go out, but she has a hard time coming to that desition.

But you might be right, still i know that she would not be able to live with the guilt if it were true and she would not be bale to look me in the eye. I don't have any proof or anything that indicates so.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

just to be clear, I don't know that she is, but any type of MC or separation you need to know for sure there is no one else. 

Cheaters lie and decieve their spouses. They do go to IC and they do go to MC. They use these as either validations that what they are doing is right (I.e. you are in the wrong, so their behavior is justified) or to say to others, see I tried my best, but it wasn't in the cards. 

Also, most women won't do a separation unless they have a safety net of some kind, which is commonly another man. Uless they are financially very secure or in an abusive relationship where out is better than staying.
All I am really saying is don't think it could not happen to you. I hope that this is not infidelity, but it clearly could be.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

There was one like this not too long ago when the H admitted to ignoring the needs of his wife for a long time, she got tired of it and thought about leaving. Everyone thought she was cheating too. 

It's a shame that women can't just leave without being accused of cheating because they are tired of being treated like crap. More than likely, she isn't cheating. MOST women don't leave with another man in mind. MOST can take care of themselves. There are few who do leave with another man, but MOST? No. 

Op, you admitted to drinking too much and your wife had asked you several times to grow up. You didn't. 

You say she only initiated sex when you were asleep, never when you were awake?

You said she found out you masturbated, well I am sure she already knew. But with you turning her down and not having sex with her and then going off to masturbate she probably felt replaced...which is what she told you. You didn't listen to those needs of hers. 

You've also said that she isn't the lying type, but that you are. 

*YOU CHEATED ON HER.*

She is separated from you because she doesn't like you anymore. You turned out to be way different than she thought. It's not placing you on a pedestal to expect you not to lie, cheat, or drink yourself into oblivion. 

Right now what you need to do is get into counseling (if you're not already) and work on yourself. Find out why you are this way (cheating, lying, drinking,preferring masturbation to sex). Learn how to listen to other people's needs, particularly your wife's. But unless you make some major changes in yourself...she isn't going to care.

Just focus on yourself for now. You can't work on a marriage if you're broken. It will just spill into other relationships. Good luck though. I know it's a struggle sometimes. It's hard to admit that we've done wrong, it's hard to talk to someone about it. Just know that in the end, it's worth it.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

naiveonedave said:


> just to be clear, I don't know that she is, but any type of MC or separation you need to know for sure there is no one else.
> 
> Cheaters lie and decieve their spouses. They do go to IC and they do go to MC. They use these as either validations that what they are doing is right (I.e. you are in the wrong, so their behavior is justified) or to say to others, see I tried my best, but it wasn't in the cards.
> 
> ...


Could be. Right now i'm still paying everything in the house. And believe me she has more to lose in a divorce than me. She can't maintain the house on her own and a divorce would mean that we would sell the apartment and most likely she would have to mover back with our son to her parents. Having an affair would do her no good right now. She's not the type of person that would be with another man UNLESS it were to leave me for him, which i don't think is the case, but who knows.

I'll keep an eye open though.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> Look another thread about a wife cheating when he H is acting like a jerk and not listening to her needs!
> 
> There was one like this not too long ago when the H admitted to ignoring the needs of his wife for a long time, she got tired of it and thought about leaving. Everyone thought she was cheating too.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the answer and you are dead on.

She did initiate sex with me while i was awake and i usually responded very well.

Ignoring her needs and being selfish is what got me where i am.

I am going to therapy to work on myself and all the problems i have with conduct and behaviour. I admit my wrong doings and admit where i have been wrong.

This is a hard lesson and unless i make serious changes on myself that i m happy with, she won't care, you're right. She told me that my credibility with her is 0 rightr now.

She has not closed the door and i know that deep in her heart she would like for us to pull through and give it another chance. Before thta happens a lot has to happen and it will take time, effort and patience. She also said that she doesn't know if she can afford to wait while i change. I do not believe with help and stron will that it will take that much time.

My tree has been shaken, and there's no way i'm goign back to whom i was, hope she realizes that and gives the marriage another shot in the not so distant future.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Choose to live said:


> She has not closed the door and i know that deep in her heart she would like for us to pull through and give it another chance. Before thta happens a lot has to happen and it will take time, effort and patience. She also said that she doesn't know if she can afford to wait while i change. I do not believe with help and stron will that it will take that much time.
> 
> My tree has been shaken, and there's no way i'm goign back to whom i was, hope she realizes that and gives the marriage another shot in the not so distant future.


I've been there with my own H. His credibility is -472 right now. He has a lot to make up for. But....He has shown improvement. I can see that. He can tell me all day long that he is going to change, but he has to SHOW me. He knows it's going to take time. He says he is willing to put in the work. So, we will see. 

I think that is where your wife might be (though obviously, I don't know for sure) She needs to see changes. If you are 100% on board, she should be able to see immediate changes. Those changes need to be permanent though. It can't be for a month or two until you get comfortable again, or the next time she wants to separate...it will be for good. There will be no other chance. 

Even if things don't work out with your wife, (and I really hope they do) the changes you make now will help you in the long run personally. So, don't give up on it!


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> I've been there with my own H. His credibility is -472 right now. He has a lot to make up for. But....He has shown improvement. I can see that. He can tell me all day long that he is going to change, but he has to SHOW me. He knows it's going to take time. He says he is willing to put in the work. So, we will see.
> 
> I think that is where your wife might be (though obviously, I don't know for sure) She needs to see changes. If you are 100% on board, she should be able to see immediate changes. Those changes need to be permanent though. It can't be for a month or two until you get comfortable again, or the next time she wants to separate...it will be for good. There will be no other chance.
> 
> Even if things don't work out with your wife, (and I really hope they do) the changes you make now will help you in the long run personally. So, don't give up on it!


Thanks, i will change for good. How can i show her that i'm changing if i'm not in the house?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Unless you are abusive, and she has actually labelled you that way, when a marriage partner insists on space, and is adamant that you need to be physically separate, it means she is up to something that she doesn't want you to know about.

Often, the act of separating is more than enough for a cheating spouse to feel like they have done their part in ending the relationship so they are free to move on. Their judgement is clouded by the fog and so they are able to reconcile their behaviors even if it actually goes against the morals you believe they follow.

I disagree with Staarz that there is no reason to suspect an OM... you were good enough for her to marry just a few years ago and things were working... you've only started to drift apart a litte, it's not like you actually have become someone different.

For her to find a dealbreaker in all of this means that there is something major in her life that is fuelling this cause for urgent change, not just that you have fallen from the pedestal she had you on.

Look for other reasons for her to suddenly abandon the marriage like this. (be discrete, do not beg her or appear weak at all - if you find evidence of affair, either emotional or physical, keep digging until you have a complete picture of what is going on, don't reveal your hand until you are ready to truly solve it. And mostly, if she is attributing low value to things about you, don't accept that as truth because if she is in an affair it is just an subconscious manipulation).

It may not be an affair, perhaps she just has relationship needs that you cannot fulfill? (but if the relationship was working at one point there is no reason it can't work again). Be vigilant.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I agree w/ Lon.

Did she just find out you cheated on her? That could be another reason. 

Not sure about D law in your country, but in the US, abadonment is a huge deal legally.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

Lon said:


> Unless you are abusive, and she has actually labelled you that way, when a marriage partner insists on space, and is adamant that you need to be physically separate, it means she is up to something that she doesn't want you to know about.
> 
> Often, the act of separating is more than enough for a cheating spouse to feel like they have done their part in ending the relationship so they are free to move on. Their judgement is clouded by the fog and so they are able to reconcile their behaviors even if it actually goes against the morals you believe they follow.
> 
> ...


In her eyes i have become someone different, totally different from the man she first married.

We did drift apart a lot,in her words we are "emotionally separated" right now as well.

It is a complicated matter, if i think too much on it and what you're saying i can become crazy.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

naiveonedave said:


> I agree w/ Lon.
> 
> Did she just find out you cheated on her? That could be another reason.
> 
> Not sure about D law in your country, but in the US, abadonment is a huge deal legally.


She never found out about my cheating, she might have had a suspition but nothing conclusive.

In Panama you have to be out of the house for two years for it to become abandonment.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Oh wait, I totally missed the comment you made where you said you cheated on her multiple times.

In that case I retract my insistence that her cause for change is her own affair... Likely something has caused her to realize that you were not vested at all, be it her intuition, or perhaps someone told her about your indiscretions.

Either way, I think you should continue to give her space to figure this out, and further if she initiates conversations about transparency or reconciliation you need to be entirely truthful about the extent of your infidelity.

She has my sympathy, there is nothing worse than knowing not only are things not as you hoped in the marriage, but to have absolutely no clue that your partner is undermining it.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Choose to live said:


> Thanks, i will change for good. How can i show her that i'm changing if i'm not in the house?


You can ask her out on dates. That's a good way to start over. Tell her you want to date her for a while again. You don't have to go anywhere fancy. Take her for a picnic or a walk, just have time to where you two can simply talk again. You'll want to talk to her more about her wants and needs. Really listen to what she has to say. 

It takes time, but you can show her each time you see her, call her, or text her. It will be small at first, but maybe she will open up again. It definitely takes time to ease back into it.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> You can ask her out on dates. That's a good way to start over. Tell her you want to date her for a while again. You don't have to go anywhere fancy. Take her for a picnic or a walk, just have time to where you two can simply talk again. You'll want to talk to her more about her wants and needs. Really listen to what she has to say.
> 
> It takes time, but you can show her each time you see her, call her, or text her. It will be small at first, but maybe she will open up again. It definitely takes time to ease back into it.


I know. We are not at a point of going out to dates right now. She's defensive sometimes and wants to go to her own therapy as well as me to go to mine. That might come in the future but not right now.

We have a family vacation planed for mid november to the US, tickets are already bought. I asked her a week ago about the trip (which at this point seems unlikely for me) and she said ""i don't know, let's wait and see, let's go day by day".

Like i said, she has more to lose than me with a divorce and cheating would bringe her options down by a lot.

I'm the one that's been a compulsive liar as far as i know she has never lied to me in 6 years.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Choose to live said:


> In her eyes i have become someone different, totally different from the man she first married.
> 
> We did drift apart a lot,in her words we are "emotionally separated" right now as well.
> 
> It is a complicated matter, if i think too much on it and what you're saying i can become crazy.


Yes, you and her have been emotionally separated, because you checked out of the relationship when you chose the path of infidelity, and because she is in the process of checking out because of the emotional abandonment she faced when she needed a vested partner.

It is not the drinking, or the lack of sex, or the masturbation, her discovering your flaws, or the spending more time on individual hobbies that led to this. It is that you left her all alone - you left the marriage.

Many marriages go through lulls, where by many appearances one partner can be convinced the other one is checked out, not vested etc - my purpose for initially commenting on threads like this is merely to get at the truth because it is a shame to throw away a relationship that is simply misfiring and simply needs a tune up and a new spark. You broke your marriage quite awhile ago and left her to coast along, now she is left trying to understand what happened - if you love her you will support her in her choice, it will not eat your soul it will soothe your soul to let her do what is right for her.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

Lon said:


> Yes, you and her have been emotionally separated, because you checked out of the relationship when you chose the path of infidelity, and because she is in the process of checking out because of the emotional abandonment she faced when she needed a vested partner.
> 
> It is not the drinking, or the lack of sex, or the masturbation, her discovering your flaws, or the spending more time on individual hobbies that led to this. It is that you left her all alone - you left the marriage.
> 
> Many marriages go through lulls, where by many appearances one partner can be convinced the other one is checked out, not vested etc - my purpose for initially commenting on threads like this is merely to get at the truth because it is a shame to throw away a relationship that is simply misfiring and simply needs a tune up and a new spark. You broke your marriage quite awhile ago and left her to coast along, now she is left trying to understand what happened - if you love her you will support her in her choice, it will not eat your soul it will soothe your soul to let her do what is right for her.


You are absolutley right. Theres little i can do right now. Even though there were problems communicationg between each other, theres no excuse for mi infidelity.

I feel very ashamed and regretful. I can only better myself and promise myself never to go down that path agai.

God only knows if she'll give the marriage and me another chance.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

Yesterday i took care of my son and took him out (Wife asked me if i could babysit him while she was attending patients) like we used to when we were living together. So i did, came home, waited for her and we talked.

I was ready to pull out some crap about jealous remarks that are totally unfounded on my part, i didn't. Over the weeked i pressured her and madeher feel uncomfortable by some jealous remarks and asking and doing bull**** which she didn't take too well obviously.

So i said i was sorry that i doubted her and that wasn't going to happen anymore, that she can be assured of that. She said, "Don't you know that when you do that you push me further away and make me more angry" i said you're right, you're right.

I talked about some plans we had and she said with an angry tone "can't you see what the real problema is?" i said, yeah, i emotionally abandened you sometime ago, she said, "not only that but you're inmature ways contributed to this". i said you're right, and i'm working on that, going to therapy and improving myself for me. She said, that's good, ans she's starting therapy this week also.

I suggested we both go to our own therapy and then in the future go to MC together, she said "Don't you say that or i'll bite your head off", so you see she has anger and resentment issues that i believe have roots even before me.

The she said, right now as it stands "I can't stand you", i said ok, i understand, with all my actions over the weekend and some other stuff.

She says that she still has to find out what she ffels that she wouldn't like 6 months to go by and don't know.

I believe she loves me, but doesn't know if it's enough to give me and the marriage another shot, and she's doesn't know if i'm the person for her, at least not right now, and that she's dealing with that, asides from the anger and resentment issues she has that she needs to tone down with therapy so she can see clearly and understand her feelings better.

As of now, no more pressure on her, no more jealous remarks, no more snooping around on my part. I will only contact her for my son and take it from there. 180.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Separated two weeks from wife, anxiety is getting to me*



Choose to live said:


> As of now, no more pressure on her, no more jealous remarks, no more snooping around on my part. I will only contact her for my son and take it from there. 180.


Good idea. If she wants out, let her. When you say "MC" it is making her feel that her window of opportunity to make a decision is closing. Actions speak more than words, so just work on yourself, be fair, compassionate, independent and strong (you know, the things women are inherently attracted to in a man). Best thing for you is to be stable, reliable and healthy, no matter what happens with the marriage.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

tdwal said:


> Your never going to fix this being separated Im afraid. 180 is for you not to get her back, that is not its intention. If you want to get her attention start talking with an attorney and file. You don't have to go through with it, but it will cause something to happen one way or another. Personally I think your losing the battle, she has already emotionally detached and its not likely you can rebuild that.


I'm afraid this is the only thing i can do now. I don't want a divorce and she doesn't want a divorce at least not yet. Doing what you're suggesting would be the easy way out and why would i want the easy way out or let her have the easy way out. I was emotionally detached as well and i know if we pull it through it will take a lot of hard work from us to put us on the right track and even so more to continue.

This is not a sprint race but a marathon.

We had plans to travel to the US the three of us in november. Part of that included a seminar she wants to take in Atlanta. yesterday we discussed the trip and both agreed that it is best not to go all of us since we are not at that position yet and it would be a big fake in front of family and add more pressure to us.

She said that she looked into her seminar to see if they will run it again in the next months before the tickets expire and no, they will only have it in that date in november, and said she will pay me back for the ticket i paid and go, plus pay the $200 penalty, plus she would have to paid the difference in fares, Talking total about close to 1K.

So i texted her this morning to let her know that i had cancelled both my son's and my reservation or pospone both. She said to also go ahead and cancel hers either way, since it was needed and that NOW she wasn't shure what she was going to do, meaning not go ahead with the trip herself or pospone it.

Second thoughts.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

It seems there's nothing else i can do for now but work on myself and hope for the best. I sincerly don't think she wants a divorce, at least not for now.

I cancelled the tickets we had to go to the US in novemeber and now she says that she doesn't know what to do with her seminar, to og or not to go.

Either she realized that now she has to paid close to $1,000 for the ticket, penaly and change of fares or she's putting the trip on a hold in case it/we can use it later. We have until june next year to use the tickets.


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## Choose to live (Oct 6, 2014)

So i changed my attitute towards her since tuesday. Sort of like a 180, and she has changed her attitute towards me.

I only call her or text her to know about my son, shown no affection or interest in her orwhatever she's doing, kind of cold.,

Yestareday i went home to pick up some things and she was there, about to excercise, told her i just drop by to pick up somethings. I was drinking wáter in the kitche and she came without her top of, just the bra to the laudnry room to pick up some t shirt to use the tredmill (i was there whe she did this), i picked up some things like i said, we made some small talk, and i was sweaty because i came from work walking to the house and she looked at me and said "your shirt is all sweaty" so i proceeded to change the shirt for another one and said "see you and left".

At night when i called her to talk to my son, she sdidn't answer but called me back 8unless the previous day where she only missed call me to call her back) and said Hi, the tone of her voice much freindly that the previous two days. I talked to my son briefly, he was moody and i told my wife to text me back when he was ready to talk. She called me back and i talked to him.

This morning she texted me saying "Hi, good morning, Chris (my son) just woke up, so don't come and pick him up so son, i said no prob, i was going to wait anyway.

Not saying anything about it, but the change in my attitute and no pressure, jealous remarks, or talk about the issue seems to have given her some reliefe and it is clear by her change (positive) of attitude.


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