# If you saw a beautiful person would you tell your spouse?



## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

would you tell your spouse if you saw a beautiful person of the other sex?

I happened to see a man who had an awesome body.... but an ugly face. He also came across quite thuggish. I did not talk with him but could not help adoring his body. Felt a bit guilty because I thought that his body really looked better then hubby's. Hubby has a great budy. I have no right to complain... just not perfect. People rarely have perfect bodies, yet this thug did.

Told hubby... not because I wanted to tell him he was ugly but because I felt guilty. He said "Yuck. I beg he is full of steroids". How would he know? He did not even see him.

Would you have told your spouse?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't get it. What's the big deal about telling your spouse you saw a beautiful person. If the other person has insecurities perhaps I would avoid the topic. But sure we point out physically beautiful people. If we're out in public and I see someone I think is striking in some way, I'll point out the person. It's not meant to put down my spouse and he doesn't take it that way anyway.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't see the need to say anything and wouldn't, who would it benefit?

I was hugged and kissed today at work, now that I do have a dilemma with. It was very friendly and I do know how to shut men down but it sort of feels wrong to not tell Mr H.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I don't see the point either. Why even bring it up?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It wouldn't and has never registered as note worthy enough to mention. Who cares what ppl look like, beautiful/ugly whatever, means little.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I'm with Holland. Whats the point in telling him?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If we're out together, we'll mention it. Otherwise, there's no point - they don't get to see!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

People have to be pretty exceptional for me to take notice. Otherwise,they're just another body in my way LOL 

The next step is they have to be outright amazing for me to remember them long enough to tell my husband when I saw him. 

But even if I remembered,what would be the point in just bringing it up out of the blue? 

"oh hey I saw this dude today with a body like a Greek god.It was pretty impressive."

That would be weird.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

My SO doesn't need to know every random thought that goes through my head, and finding another man strikingly attractive would be one of them.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I'm with Scarlet, somebody would have to be pretty exceptional for me to notice them. I don't point them out to H because he isn't into men so I guess I didn't think he would care if there was a good looking guy around. I have poked him if there is a beautiful woman around so he can see her.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

My wife and I both notice beautiful people, but we don't come home and talk about it to each other. When we are together, like at an airport, we love to watch people and notice. We think it is fun. Las Vegas is perfect for people watching!

Sometimes when we are watching together, I will see a woman and say to my wife..."you would look great in that dress she is wearing"....or "those shoes would look fantastic on you". She does the same for me.

Sometimes, I say..."wow, look at them. They must really work out a lot to have bodies like that" We are secure in ourselves, and comments like this don't bother either of us.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> would you tell your spouse if you saw a beautiful person of the other sex?
> 
> I happened to see a man who had an awesome body.... but an ugly face. He also came across quite thuggish. I did not talk with him but could not help adoring his body. Felt a bit guilty because I thought that his body really looked better then hubby's. Hubby has a great budy. I have no right to complain... just not perfect. People rarely have perfect bodies, yet this thug did.
> 
> ...


I notice beautiful women all the time, but I never tell my STBW about it mainly because even though they are beautiful, ten seconds after they are out of sight, they are out of mind. I never find myself dwelling, no matter how hot they were, so this man you saw must have been occupying a lot of your mental real estate for a while...space that should belong to your husband.

From what you described here, your husband is probably aware that you are satisfied with his body, but he is also aware that you see the flaws you alluded to here. What you did was indirectly point those things out to him, and his reaction was inline with that. You compared your husband to another man to your husbands face, and the other man won. Your husband defended himself, and from what you said here, though maybe not to your husband's face, but to all of us here, your words defended the other man.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If a course of action isn't likely to result in peace or piece, I don't pursue it. Pointing out attractive women to my wife would be very unlikely to result in either.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Or you could be like my wife and ask the daughters in front of me "Did you see that guy"? Caught me off guard and was amused when D1 replied "You know Dad is with us right"? 

Felt a bit disrespected but just chalked it up and added it to the list.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Okay - so on your other thread you tell him that he is is going to get hurt if he tries to tackle the roof, and now on this thread you are telling him about some guy who has a more attractive body....


It's like you are on a mission to take him down a peg...

I don't know - but it's my opinion that we need to watch what we say to the ones that we love.

Someone told me once that it is not "what" you say but "how you make someone feel" that really matters.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I wonder if the OP openly adores her husband in the same way...feels compelled to tell him how hot he is when the thought pops into her mind. I imagine she would say Yes, of course she does, but the more important question...does her husband feel as if she does?


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

I tell my husband he has a beautiful body all the time.

I told him because I felt guilty I was drooling over that guy and I thought that there should be no secrets between us.

Might have been a bad idea.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> *I tell my husband he has a beautiful body all the time.*
> 
> I told him because I felt guilty I was drooling over that guy and I thought that there should be no secrets between us.
> 
> Might have been a bad idea.


I have no doubt you feel as if you do, but the more important thing is...does he hear you? Are you telling him in a way HE understands? His reaction suggests maybe you are not as good at it as you think you are.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I'll make tea said:


> I tell my husband he has a beautiful body all the time.
> 
> I told him because I felt guilty I was drooling over that guy and I thought that there should be no secrets between us.
> 
> Might have been a bad idea.


I don't really believe this. I think you were trying to take him down a notch, telling him how this other dude had a better body.

But even if you were doing it because you felt guilty. That was very selfish. You were trying to relieve your guilt, and didn't care that it made your husband feel less adequate.


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## markster (Nov 20, 2012)

sparkyjim said:


> Okay - so on your other thread you tell him that he is is going to get hurt if he tries to tackle the roof, and now on this thread you are telling him about some guy who has a more attractive body....
> 
> 
> It's like you are on a mission to take him down a peg...
> ...


Amen to this! My wife gives little thought to what comes out of her mouth most times and how it might make me feel. She is of the opinion that my feelings should be irrelevant to her words and actions. Oddly it does not seem to work the other way around. :scratchhead:

No, I do not see the point of mentioning that you saw a hot male body to your hubby, especially if you felt it was hotter than his ... unless you are trying to piss him off (have him feel jealous) ... or test to see how "secure" he is ... but again, Why and what's the point? Sounds like the start of some game to me. 

That's more something between girlfriends I would think.

I see a hot woman and think "that's nice" and continue on. My mind doesn't even consider what more to do with that information let alone still be thinking of her 20 seconds later.
What more is there if you are in a committed relationship?

Mark


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

OP...how long did you dwell on this other man's perfect body, better body than your husbands, before you told your husband? Did you immediately agree with you husband when he made the steroids comment, or did you mentally or verbally defend the other man? Did you immediately tell your husband how much more attractive you find him over this other man who had consumed your thoughts, enough that you are still thinking about him in the glowing terms you used here? Or did you just drop it with your last thoughts left in your husbands mind being those of how you think the other guy had a perfect body?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'll make tea said:


> I tell my husband he has a beautiful body all the time.
> 
> I told him because I felt guilty I was drooling over that guy and I thought that there should be no secrets between us.
> 
> Might have been a bad idea.


Because your husband is a guy and presumably heterosexual, he finds himself sexually attracted to at least half the women on this earth. Do you seriously want him to follow your policy of honesty and to tell you every time he experiences this completely natural phenomenon, common to every normally functioning male? Male libido is something like a septic tank. It works, it's great that it works, but you don't want to stick your nose too far down into it to investigate.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> Because your husband is a guy and presumably heterosexual, he finds himself sexually attracted to at least half the women on this earth. Do you seriously want him to follow your policy of honesty and to tell you every time he experiences this completely natural phenomenon, common to every normally functioning male? Male libido is something like a septic tank. It works, it's great that it works, but you don't want to stick your nose too far down into it to investigate.


You are really feeling sexually attracted to half of the women you encounter?

Isn't that very confusing for you?

I have heard other men saying the same but to be honest it is very hard to believe for me.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

_Told hubby... not because I wanted to tell him he was ugly but because I felt guilty. He said "Yuck. I beg he is full of steroids". How would he know? He did not even see him._

I dont know how your hubby would know this. Probably same way you labeled the guy you were checking out as a thug without knowing him.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

My SO and I point out 'beautiful' people to each other all the time. Well, he does. It's rare that I see anyone worth noting, but it does happen occasionally. Usually I point out women that seem 'his type'. 

I like that we can be that open with each other... Just because we look doesn't mean we're unhappy with each other or going to drop everything and try to sleep with the random person. It's just occasional eye candy.


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## Nextlife (Mar 16, 2014)

I don't really get this post. Why would you tell him and if you did would it matter. I see beautiful people all the time. I really don't care if H knows or not He loves Jennifer Aniston and I mark walhberg.. so?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I'll make tea said:


> I tell my husband he has a beautiful body all the time.
> 
> I told him because I felt guilty I was drooling over that guy and I thought that there should be no secrets between us.
> 
> Might have been a bad idea.


Sounds a bit disrespectful to me, but that's just me. If I made a point of coming home to DH and telling him I saw this guy with an awesome bod... he'd think it was a b*tchy thing to do, and I'd agree with him, hence, I don't do that sort of thing.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

> Amen to this! My wife gives little thought to what comes out of her mouth most times and how it might make me feel. She is of the opinion that my feelings should be irrelevant to her words and actions. Oddly it does not seem to work the other way around.


Hey...are you married to my wife?? ha ha


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

Mr honeysuckle & myself both admit to looking. Neither of us would look up & say that we had seen a stunner with a amazing chest/ a really fit bloke with an amazing six pack. Mr honeysuckle floats my boat, any other bloke I look at,in my mind,is not worthy of anything more than a quick glance at best. By the time I have finished looking I'm thinking he has nothing on my man.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

I think the OP might be conflating what one might do if they are, e.g., very infatuated with a coworker or something, and want to 'get it out in the open' as an extra layer of security in preventing an affair. some believe at that point the spouse should be informed on what's going on. i think there is an argument for that; another against it.


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