# Anyone taken post divorce to go outside the sexual box?



## firebelly1

At the risk of sounding like a completely creepy troll, I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who has taken this time post-divorce to try some sexual things they didn't while they were in the marriage? I've always fantasized about group sex and I wonder if now might not be a time to try it. Of course, it also sounds scary and I can think of lots of scenarios where it might not be cool...but I'm wondering if anyone is willing to say they finally tried it and whether or not it was something they would do again / glad they did it / sorry they did it / comedy of errors?


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## Pictureless

lol are you organizing something?


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## firebelly1

Pictureless said:


> lol are you organizing something?


Dang! I've been caught. Not exactly? I am going to a girlfriend's birthday party in Las Vegas this year. (She lives there.) She is someone who has several male "friends" that she sees, including one who has asked if she would do a threesome. She was kind of looking around. She hasn't asked me directly and I'm not sure that I would want to be in a threesome with my good girlfriend, but on the other hand, I do KNOW her. I would feel safer with someone I know. And I'm going to Las Vegas. And I am now free to sleep with whoever I want. Soooooo...just thinking about some options in my mind. Never done it. I'm not really sure I want to, but I think if I had just the right amount of jack daniels I would really enjoy it. And the thing is, I know I would actually rather do it with someone I'm NOT in a relationship with.


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## larry.gray

I'm suspecting someone's inbox is about to fill with offers to help her with fulfilling her fantasy


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## Pictureless

firebelly1 said:


> Dang! I've been caught. Not exactly? I am going to a girlfriend's birthday party in Las Vegas this year. (She lives there.) She is someone who has several male "friends" that she sees, including one who has asked if she would do a threesome. She was kind of looking around. She hasn't asked me directly and I'm not sure that I would want to be in a threesome with my good girlfriend, but on the other hand, I do KNOW her. I would feel safer with someone I know. And I'm going to Las Vegas. And I am now free to sleep with whoever I want. Soooooo...just thinking about some options in my mind. Never done it. I'm not really sure I want to, but I think if I had just the right amount of jack daniels I would really enjoy it. And the thing is, I know I would actually rather do it with someone I'm NOT in a relationship with.


Not sure what else I can say except for if that's what you want to do, have fun. Have you always been bi-curious?


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## larry.gray

Wanting a threesome isn't always bi-curious.


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## Pictureless

larry.gray said:


> Wanting a threesome isn't always bi-curious.


I know but in the scenario she just suggested, it would be MFF. If one or both of the females are not bi, it's really not so much a threesome. It's more like sharing and taking turns.


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## Jellybeans

Nope. There is nothing I've done post-divorce that I didn't while married. In fact, it's prob been pretty tame compared to married sex.

Also, I have not gotten laid in forever. That makes me sad.


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## Dollystanford

I don't see a problem with experimenting at all but I would exercise some serious caution about screwing a close girlfriend. Neither of you know how you'll feel in the morning and it might ruin your friendship


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## larry.gray

Pictureless said:


> I know but in the scenario she just suggested, it would be MFF. If one or both of the females are not bi, it's really not so much a threesome. It's more like sharing and taking turns.


MFF and FMF are two different things. She didn't indicate which she desires.


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## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> Dang! I've been caught. Not exactly? I am going to a girlfriend's birthday party in Las Vegas this year. (She lives there.) She is someone who has several male "friends" that she sees, including one who has asked if she would do a threesome. She was kind of looking around. She hasn't asked me directly and I'm not sure that I would want to be in a threesome with my good girlfriend, but on the other hand, I do KNOW her. I would feel safer with someone I know. And I'm going to Las Vegas.


Ok I admit to only having read the first post when I responded last and did not see this one.

Hmmm... this is tricky. First, do you want to sleep with another woman? Really, truly? Only you an answer that. If yes, do you really truly want to sleep with one of your friends? Will you be ok with it afterward? These are things you should think about. If you decide to do this, be sure of how YOU feel and please use protection.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

Dollystanford said:


> I don't see a problem with experimenting at all but I would exercise some serious caution about screwing a close girlfriend. Neither of you know how you'll feel in the morning and it might ruin your friendship


Yeah, as much as I am not a ONS kind of guy, in this case a stranger might be better. No matter how it turns out, it could introduce tension in your friendship but if you don't know the person then who cares? If it turns out well, great, maybe you can do it again and if it turns out badly then no worries, you don't have to see the person again.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## larry.gray

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Yeah, as much as I am not a ONS kind of guy, in this case a stranger might be better. No matter how it turns out, it could introduce tension in your friendship but if you don't know the person then who cares? If it turns out well, great, maybe you can do it again and if it turns out badly then no worries, you don't have to see the person again.


One more thing to consider with a friend: Let's say you do re-marry (or at least a LTR with a guy) and it comes out that you had a threesome with this friend of yours. It will be awkward at least. Some guys will think - what the heck, lets have her join us.

I'm not trying to talk you out of it, just giving you things to consider.


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## Jellybeans

When I was younger I hooked up with good girlfriend. It was fine at the time and no weird feelings afterward. I attribute this to our younger ages. Now that I am older I have no desire to do that with a close girlfriend. It would make the friendship strange.


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## firebelly1

I have not always been bi-curious, just in the last few years. If I did a three-some I think I'd prefer me and two straight guys, but playing with a woman sounds intriguing. Being part of wo couples would also be fun. I live far away from my girlfriend and our relationship has always basically been the two of us not judging each other on our sex lives and/or somewhat living vicariously. I think or friendship would actually be just fine...but wait. I'm asking you guys. Anyone giving advice doing so based on experience they are willing to share?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Jellybeans

I can't speak from experience of doing a 3some because I never have but one of my girlfriends, eons ago, asked me to with her and her boyfriend at the time and I declined. I didn't want to go there. I have had the girly experience though and I think it really depends on how you feel, how your friend feels about it and etc. My advice is to be sure you want to and use protection if you are going to do it, this threesome.


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## Married but Happy

Threesomes are better with people you know, IMO. You can trust (at least one of) them, and you can discuss different scenarios and potential problems ahead of time and decide how to handle them if needed, maybe even arrange code phrases to communicate or even end the activities if they go in a direction you don't want.

We've had a bunch, and they've all been a lot of fun. YMMV.


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## firebelly1

Yeah - doing it with strangers in a strange city sounds pretty risky so not sure I'd go through with that - but the advantage of the strange city is there's little chance of running into them again at a work function or something.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## JustSomeGuyWho

firebelly1 said:


> I have not always been bi-curious, just in the last few years. If I did a three-some I think I'd prefer me and two straight guys, but playing with a woman sounds intriguing. Being part of wo couples would also be fun. I live far away from my girlfriend and our relationship has always basically been the two of us not judging each other on our sex lives and/or somewhat living vicariously. I think or friendship would actually be just fine...but wait. I'm asking you guys. Anyone giving advice doing so based on experience they are willing to share?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Ha! Well, no experience here nor would I want to. Heck, I can't even get my wife to sleep with me  It does sound like you've made up your mind though and decided that it wouldn't introduce any awkwardness in your relationship. In that case, I say go have fun.


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## firebelly1

Well, I wouldn't say I've decided. Like I said, my friend had never asked me directly. Not sure she would want to go there with me. But she might know some guys who'd want to have a me sandwich and that could be just up my alley, so to speak.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Morgiana

Short answer is yes. Long answer is didnt change my friendship with my gf. We don't really talk about it though.


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## Jellybeans

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Ha! Well, no experience here nor would I want to. Heck, I can't even get my wife to sleep with me


:rofl:


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## Pictureless

I once asked STBXW about a threesome and she said no.

Then one night I had a dream that she agreed to go to a swingers party with me to check it out, and maybe we would have sex with each other as part of the group. 

When we got there I had to go to the bathroom and left the room. When I came back the wife was one her knees "doing" something to a stranger. I shouted "What are you doing?" 
She's said, "well you wanted to swing."

I woke up and stared at her sleeping next to me. That ended any desire of wanting any kind of sex with someone other than her.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:


Oh, you think it's funny do you? ...  Yeah, well, it is what it is so might as well make light of the deal


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## firebelly1

I do want to be in a LTR at some point again. And I don't see having threesomes then ( I would forever wonder if he preferred her to me). Do you think knowing I had an experienced like this would be a deal-breaker for some men?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## JustSomeGuyWho

firebelly1 said:


> I do want to be in a LTR at some point again. And I don't see having threesomes then ( I would forever wonder if he preferred her to me). Do you think knowing I had an experienced like this would be a deal-breaker for some men?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


You know ... at my age, you assume a person has had a LOT of different experiences. I would honestly prefer not to know about it and it really wouldn't matter. Now, if there was a history of infidelity or questionable character (this scenario doesn't fall under that), that would be a different story.


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## Married but Happy

firebelly1 said:


> Do you think knowing I had an experienced like this would be a deal-breaker for some men?


To some men? Definitely. But is that the attitude/kind of man you'd be interested in for a LTR? If so, then perhaps pass up any threesomes.


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## stillhoping

I guess I did something crazy post-divorce, I had sex with a man who wasn't my husband! He had been my one and only. The actual sex is pretty similar, the nice thing is the new guy was very active, multiple times in a night, he liked to rub my back and other body parts, didn't complain a bit about foreplay. I am hoping for some more adventures (safe ones), not the least , bit curious about a threesome but have fun


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## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> At the risk of sounding like a completely creepy troll, I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who has taken this time post-divorce to try some sexual things they didn't while they were in the marriage? I've always fantasized about group sex and I wonder if now might not be a time to try it. Of course, it also sounds scary and I can think of lots of scenarios where it might not be cool...but I'm wondering if anyone is willing to say they finally tried it and whether or not it was something they would do again / glad they did it / sorry they did it / comedy of errors?


Yeah, I kinda got roped into a male male female situation with a bandmate and this hot woman. It was NOT good for me. Way too weird. The fantasy is way better than reality. I need to have an emotional connection with someone to step outside the norm I think, and that takes time. But hey, in the future, with a new partner, I'm open to experiment.


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## Healer

Pictureless said:


> lol are you organizing something?


Haaaaa! Yeah, count me out. ;-)


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## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Nope. There is nothing I've done post-divorce that I didn't while married. In fact, it's prob been pretty tame compared to married sex.
> 
> Also, I have not gotten laid in forever. That makes me sad.


This. With my stbxw, we mostly covered all ground, save bondage type stuff - but I'm really not interested in that. Anal, 69, she even did ass to mouth once when we were hysterical bonding during false R (eww). I still haven't done a FFM threesome, and I would like to. But I'd have to be super comfortable with both women.


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## Healer

Dollystanford said:


> I don't see a problem with experimenting at all but I would exercise some serious caution about screwing a close girlfriend. Neither of you know how you'll feel in the morning and it might ruin your friendship


LOL. My buddy in the threesome was all freaked out about our friendship the next day (I participated for a bit, it got too weird, I bailed, he banged her all night long). He said "dude, are we still friends??". I laughed. Yeah, no biggie. But I can definitely see it causing real weirdness in a friendship, depending on the friendship and the parties involved.

Things can real weird, real fast.


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## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I do want to be in a LTR at some point again. And I don't see having threesomes then ( I would forever wonder if he preferred her to me). Do you think knowing I had an experienced like this would be a deal-breaker for some men?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


In all honesty - and I'm a total hypocrite here, because I participated...but seeing that woman so eager to do those things with me and my buddy...was a turnoff. She was talking all pornstar ("I LOOOOOVE having 2 #ocks in me, blah blah") and really ****ting it up. It was over the top and not sexy or intimate. I had no desire to see her again, and neither did my buddy (he's a total dog/player). He may bang her again if he happened to run into her, but he didn't even want her number, which she had given to me prior.

She was divorced and had proclaimed she no longer believed in monogamy and would never be in a monogamous relationship again. Obviously a bit damaged from her marriage.

For me it would be a bit of a red flag, although a woman who is divorced and experimenting is maybe different than a naturally promiscuous woman.

Long story short, there are guys who would be freaked out and run if they knew you rolled that way. No judgment here at all - just being honest.

Just be careful and protect yourself physically and emotionally.


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## jpr

Someone I date said that he actually preferred 4-somes to 3-somes. He had a couple of FFM threesomes, and he said it was just too much pressure and a lot of work. The fantasy was much better than the reality. ...because in reality, those two females weren't trying to please him--instead he was expected to please BOTH of them.

He said he got off on seeing his partner be pleasured...so, he always wanted to try a 4-some with his ex-wife (while they were married). He said they almost did one once.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

No but the married guys I know and have to deal with on a daily basis all seem scared of me. I guess they think I'm going to make a pass at them, or even more pathetic, they think that me being normal friendly IS making a pass. Too weird. They even mention their wives or whatever, like I care! They're not even my type. I mean, first of all they're married. But what's really wrong, is that if they knew...I've been enjoying celibacy, beer and watching movies. Total sloth, no lingerie, grown my leg hair out...just shaved my pits for the first time in three months. Sex is usually the last thing on my mind. I'd rather go to a pub, watch hockey, drink a beer and swap crazy stories. Then go to a movie and pig out on popcorn. Hahahah, if you could see these guys who get all nervous around me, you'd understand. Personally, I think whatever reputation my ex (and the nutso women that was chasing after him and I know for sure was spreading rumors about me, trying to break us up...trust me, he didn't need her help...) has created for me is going to be a freakin' LEGEND. I don't have to DO anything, everyone believes I'm already doing it. Cool. Gotta love small towns.

Anyhow, after my ex I really need like three years rest for every year I spent with him. Almost there. Just a bit more beer and sloth and I'll be nearly there. I bought new lipstick today.


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## firebelly1

larry.gray said:


> I'm suspecting someone's inbox is about to fill with offers to help her with fulfilling her fantasy


:lol: I know. I was kind of afraid the creepers would come out.


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## firebelly1

jpr said:


> Someone I date said that he actually preferred 4-somes to 3-somes. He had a couple of FFM threesomes, and he said it was just too much pressure and a lot of work. The fantasy was much better than the reality. ...because in reality, those two females weren't trying to please him--instead he was expected to please BOTH of them.
> 
> He said he got off on seeing his partner be pleasured...so, he always wanted to try a 4-some with his ex-wife (while they were married). He said they almost did one once.


See...I've been thinking that. It would be hot to be with a partner watching another couple. Then the girls can play while the guys watch, or not. But everybody has somebody and there isn't the weird third wheel thing.


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## firebelly1

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> No but the married guys I know and have to deal with on a daily basis all seem scared of me. I guess they think I'm going to make a pass at them, or even more pathetic, they think that me being normal friendly IS making a pass. Too weird. They even mention their wives or whatever, like I care! They're not even my type. I mean, first of all they're married. But what's really wrong, is that if they knew...I've been enjoying celibacy, beer and watching movies. Total sloth, no lingerie, grown my leg hair out...just shaved my pits for the first time in three months. Sex is usually the last thing on my mind. I'd rather go to a pub, watch hockey, drink a beer and swap crazy stories. Then go to a movie and pig out on popcorn. Hahahah, if you could see these guys who get all nervous around me, you'd understand. Personally, I think whatever reputation my ex (and the nutso women that was chasing after him and I know for sure was spreading rumors about me, trying to break us up...trust me, he didn't need her help...) has created for me is going to be a freakin' LEGEND. I don't have to DO anything, everyone believes I'm already doing it. Cool. Gotta love small towns.
> 
> Anyhow, after my ex I really need like three years rest for every year I spent with him. Almost there. Just a bit more beer and sloth and I'll be nearly there. I bought new lipstick today.


Good for you. Really. I said to one of my workmates that I want to do now is NONE of the things I thought my ex wanted me to do (ride motorcycles, sail, ski). I wanted to finally do things I haven't done for a long time - watch independent films, take singing lessons so I can sing blues, go hiking at my own pace, have dinner parties with intellectual people and talk about philosophy. I totally want to transport myself to 1930's Paris and hang out with writers. 

But for me, I was the HD person in my marriage and so my sex life wasn't all that satisfying. Sex maybe once a month if I was lucky. It made me feel like maybe there was something wrong with me. But there isn't. And now I'd like to dress up and then get undressed as much as possible. 

HOWEVER, I am someone who rushes into relationships by having sex with the guy too soon. So, this may seem weird if I'm trying to recover from that tendency, but maybe not since I think what I'm talking about is something with some real specific boundaries. One night. We never see each other again. OF COURSE all you folks who are telling me to be careful OF COURSE we will use condoms. Then there is less mushy emotional stuff to deal with.


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## firebelly1

Healer said:


> In all honesty - and I'm a total hypocrite here, because I participated...but seeing that woman so eager to do those things with me and my buddy...was a turnoff. She was talking all pornstar ("I LOOOOOVE having 2 #ocks in me, blah blah") and really ****ting it up. It was over the top and not sexy or intimate. I had no desire to see her again, and neither did my buddy (he's a total dog/player). He may bang her again if he happened to run into her, but he didn't even want her number, which she had given to me prior.
> 
> She was divorced and had proclaimed she no longer believed in monogamy and would never be in a monogamous relationship again. Obviously a bit damaged from her marriage.
> 
> For me it would be a bit of a red flag, although a woman who is divorced and experimenting is maybe different than a naturally promiscuous woman.
> 
> Long story short, there are guys who would be freaked out and run if they knew you rolled that way. No judgment here at all - just being honest.
> 
> Just be careful and protect yourself physically and emotionally.


No - I appreciate the honesty. That's what I was looking for. And...do I want to be with a guy who would freak out? Not sure.


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## PBear

My SO and I have checked off a lot of our sexual bucket list, and it's been great. One of the items was a foursome with her BFF and her partner which ended up as a threesome when the other guy didn't hold up his end of the deal, so to speak. My SO and her BFF are quite close, and as far as she's ever discussed with me, that occurrence has never caused them any tension.

As far as our experiences affecting future relationships (assuming things didn't work out with my SO), if anyone decides they couldn't be with me because of my actions over the past few years, then we're not a match anyway. Not that I need someone to go to sex clubs again, but I do want someone who can at least be open to talking about fantasies and stuff.

C


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## firebelly1

Healer said:


> This. With my stbxw, we mostly covered all ground, save bondage type stuff - but I'm really not interested in that. Anal, 69, she even did ass to mouth once when we were hysterical bonding during false R (eww). I still haven't done a FFM threesome, and I would like to. But I'd have to be super comfortable with both women.


So healer...sounds like you had a good sex life. Which makes me wonder why she cheated. You too?


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## firebelly1

Married but Happy said:


> Threesomes are better with people you know, IMO. You can trust (at least one of) them, and you can discuss different scenarios and potential problems ahead of time and decide how to handle them if needed, maybe even arrange code phrases to communicate or even end the activities if they go in a direction you don't want.
> 
> We've had a bunch, and they've all been a lot of fun. YMMV.


So, have neither of you been jealous? I definitely think that would come up for me if there were another woman involved.


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## Jellybeans

PBear said:


> My SO and I have checked off a lot of our sexual bucket list, and it's been great. One of the items was a foursome with her BFF and her partner which ended up as a threesome when the other guy didn't hold up his end of the deal, so to speak. My SO and her BFF are quite close, and as far as she's ever discussed with me, that occurrence has never caused them any tension.


I'm curious. Did you have sex with her BFF?


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## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> So healer...sounds like you had a good sex life. Which makes me wonder why she cheated. You too?


We always had good sex - if not great sex. That was never an issue. She had serious self esteem/trust issues her entire life. She worked (and still does) in a seedy bar as a waitress since we were married. I tried for years to get her to do something different but she was/is addicted to that lifestyle. We worked opposite schedules the entire time. She fell in with an old high school crush who it turns out is a coke dealer. She got hard core into blow, pretended to be working while she was out doing drugs and banging this POS, running up a $50K credit card cash advance tab. The woman I married and the mother of my children literally turned into a full on coke wh$ore. She went down into the depths as far as she could go. Our sex life was never an issue.

To this day she wants me back and tries for booty calls. She's literally texting me right now wanting to engage. She texts me the same amount she did when we were together. Only now I don't respond. She threw a really good life away and now has regret and is miserable, while I continue to thrive. She's a very, very messed up person, and she admits this. Her exact words on dday were "you knew I was broken when you married me, and you did nothing to fix me".

I lost before the game even started. But now? I am free of her, I don't miss her at all. I never, ever miss her. It does break my heart that my family is no more though.


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## firebelly1

God Healer. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> God Healer. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Thanks firebelly. Ummmm - we are in the same city, btw.


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## firebelly1

Ha ha I was wondering about that when you referred to Canukistan. Somehow I can't see the Torontoites referring to their town that way.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## PBear

Jellybeans said:


> I'm curious. Did you have sex with her BFF?


Yup.

C


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## Morgiana

PBear said:


> As far as our experiences affecting future relationships (assuming things didn't work out with my SO), if anyone decides they couldn't be with me because of my actions over the past few years, then we're not a match anyway. Not that I need someone to go to sex clubs again, but I do want someone who can at least be open to talking about fantasies and stuff.
> 
> C


This. So much this. I'm triggering a bit here, but for those that also focus on what happened in a prior marriage; the most favorite being 'if they cheated'... what is your definition of cheat? I had sex with someone before my D was final, I fell in love before my D was final. I kept my kids out of it to work on making sure they were going to get through everything alright. Do I believe what I did is wrong, no. Do I regret any of what has taken place, no. Will I talk about everything that was going on in a future relationship? No.

I don't want to relive the pain and verbal and mental abuse that my marriage had become just to satisfy someone's curiosity down the line. I have done a lot of hard work to come to terms with what happened, and why it happened, and working on changing me so I don't end up ever in the same situation again. Either someone will accept me for who I am now, or they won't. 

I know more what I need and what I want now than I ever did; and god was it hard to vocalize it. But we all live and learn.

-M


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## firebelly1

Morgiana said:


> This. So much this. I'm triggering a bit here, but for those that also focus on what happened in a prior marriage; the most favorite being 'if they cheated'... what is your definition of cheat? I had sex with someone before my D was final, I fell in love before my D was final. I kept my kids out of it to work on making sure they were going to get through everything alright. Do I believe what I did is wrong, no. Do I regret any of what has taken place, no. Will I talk about everything that was going on in a future relationship? No.
> 
> I don't want to relive the pain and verbal and mental abuse that my marriage had become just to satisfy someone's curiosity down the line. I have done a lot of hard work to come to terms with what happened, and why it happened, and working on changing me so I don't end up ever in the same situation again. Either someone will accept me for who I am now, or they won't.
> 
> I know more what I need and what I want now than I ever did; and god was it hard to vocalize it. But we all live and learn.
> 
> -M


Yes, as I was writing the question I was thinking the same thing. I've spent the last 8 years trying to be what someone else wanted and not only do I want my self-respect to not allow me to do that anymore, it's exhausting.


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## vi_bride04

Oh yeah there are definitely a few things I want to try before getting into another committed, long term relationship. One is definitely a bucket list item.


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## Jellybeans

PBear said:


> Yup.


Interesting.


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## firebelly1

So, I texted my gf last night and approached the subject by asking her if she'd ever been to one of the swinger clubs in Vegas. She said she had with a guy she'd been dating a while back. (They watched. She gave him a bj.) I said that sounded like something fun to do while I was there. She said, "Well, I want you to be careful." Ugh. I'd been feeling disapproved of by those in the thread yesterday who were advising me to be careful and now, here was my friend who I thought would be my partner in crime and she's ALSO questioning me. 

I'm pretty aware that it isn't the intent of anyone telling me to be careful to express disapproval so it must be my perception, which is I know is askew right now since it's only being three weeks since stbxh finally ended all hope of reconciliation. Someone on the thread here had recommended that I not only be physically safe but protect myself emotionally and maybe if I'm this sensitive, right now wouldn't be the best time to have sex with strangers in a public place. Not sure how I would react to possible rejection or ridicule or whatever. 

Then again, my friend just texted me and apparently has been asking around for me in re: the swinger scene. Maybe by the time this thing rolls around I'll be emotionally stronger and just have a good time. AND be careful.


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## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> So, I texted my gf last night and approached the subject by asking her if she'd ever been to one of the swinger clubs in Vegas. She said she had with a guy she'd been dating a while back. (They watched. She gave him a bj.) I said that sounded like something fun to do while I was there. She said, "Well, I want you to be careful." Ugh. I'd been feeling disapproved of by those in the thread yesterday who were advising me to be careful and now, here was my friend who I thought would be my partner in crime and she's ALSO questioning me.
> 
> I'm pretty aware that it isn't the intent of anyone telling me to be careful to express disapproval so it must be my perception, which is I know is askew right now since it's only being three weeks since stbxh finally ended all hope of reconciliation. Someone on the thread here had recommended that I not only be physically safe but protect myself emotionally and maybe if I'm this sensitive, right now wouldn't be the best time to have sex with strangers in a public place. Not sure how I would react to possible rejection or ridicule or whatever.
> 
> Then again, my friend just texted me and apparently has been asking around for me in re: the swinger scene. Maybe by the time this thing rolls around I'll be emotionally stronger and just have a good time. AND be careful.


Definitely no disapproval here - just genuinely want you to be careful.  I would tell a guy to be careful too - but more in the vein of "don't get stabbed in the eye by another dude's wiener". Trust me, been there done that.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Definitely no disapproval here - just genuinely want you to be careful.  I would tell a guy to be careful too - but more in the vein of "don't get stabbed in the eye by another dude's wiener". Trust me, been there done that.


But now you have a sex injury war story. Seems worth it.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> But now you have a sex injury war story. Seems worth it.


"Wow - what's with the eyepatch??"

Makes for a great ice breaker.


----------



## PBear

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting.


. I thought you would have known that. I've never kept that a secret. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Hm. I might not fit into this thread with my answer but no. Mostly because I haven't had the chance. I mean, I guess I could have done something weird or kinky with one of the brief encounters or the 3 longer relationships. But fact is I was married for 15 years so there was more I tried with him than I've had a chance to try with others. I'm more GAME than I was then - I just haven't found that place of trust and love that I would require to 'go there'.


----------



## Ceegee

Yes, tried lots of new things. 

Most pretty tame to this audience. 

Point is, whereas XW would use that time of the month as an excuse to do nothing, gf uses it as an excuse to do new things. 

GF is HD. I thought I was HD until I met her. 

Living the life I always wanted.


----------



## firebelly1

EnjoliWoman said:


> Hm. I might not fit into this thread with my answer but no. Mostly because I haven't had the chance. I mean, I guess I could have done something weird or kinky with one of the brief encounters or the 3 longer relationships. But fact is I was married for 15 years so there was more I tried with him than I've had a chance to try with others. I'm more GAME than I was then - I just haven't found that place of trust and love that I would require to 'go there'.


See, that's the thing for me. Loving the person I'm with would also mean I feel attached and jealous if there were another woman in the room. I might be able to do a threesome with another woman if I don't care about the guy.


----------



## Jellybeans

PBear said:


> . I thought you would have known that. I've never kept that a secret.


Well I knew you guys had experimented w/ others I just didn't know if that was a boundary for you guys - like, "fool around but no sex w/ so and so."


----------



## PBear

Well, with her BFF, we had decided a full swap was ok. When we've gone out to clubs, we've just "gone with the flow". 

I will say that emotionally, my SO had the hardest time adjusting to me having sex with her BFF. Understandable because it was her BFF, it was our first time with another couple, and my SO's experience was less than she might have wished for, since the other guy was a dud. It was a mostly sleepless night, as we stayed up late to talk things out. We were actually out of town for me to do a race, and I ended up missing that race. But it ended up turning out alright. 

C


----------



## Jellybeans

PBear said:


> I will say that emotionally, my SO had the hardest time adjusting to me having sex with her BFF.


As a woman, I can totally see why.

I had friends that used to "play" with other couples and something similar happened. My gf told me that seeing her partner go "in" her friend really fcked her up in the head and it really messed with her/she was not ok w/ it after it happened.

They actually asked me to with them and I was like NOPE. That is why we are all probably still good friends. Hahaha.


----------



## Married but Happy

firebelly1 said:


> So, have neither of you been jealous? I definitely think that would come up for me if there were another woman involved.


Jealousy typically arises from fear of losing someone. In the scenarios you're considering, who would you potentially lose?

Another common trigger for jealousy is getting noticeably less attention than someone else who is participating (or perceiving that you are getting less even if you're not). That kind is often based in insecurity about attractiveness or - if in a relationship with one of the people - insecurity about the relationship (again, fear of losing it).

The first couple of times we played with another couple, I had some minor jealousy. Analyzing my reactions later let me see the source was my own insecurity, and I realized it was _totally _unfounded. I never had any problems with jealousy after that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> As a woman, I can totally see why.
> 
> I had friends that used to "play" with other couples and something similar happened. My gf told me that seeing her partner go "in" her friend really fcked her up in the head and it really messed with her/she was not ok w/ it after it happened.
> 
> They actually asked me to with them and I was like NOPE. That is why we are all probably still good friends. Hahaha.


NO WAY in hell. Nope.


----------



## PBear

All I can say is that it was my SO's idea. . She was going to surprise me with it, but ended up spilling the beans the day before. To be honest, the whole swinging thing has been more her fantasy than mine, although I've gone along happily with it. She was honest with me right from the start about her fantasies, though. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, as long as you guys are the same page which it sounds like you are. 

I know it would never work for me. No way.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> NO WAY in hell. Nope.


What's funny is that that friend-couple set me up with one of their guy friends to "date." He and I had a conversation once about the fact that they were into playing with others and he asked me if I had ever done it with them. I said, No. And he said he hadn't either. And that is where that comment came from. He laughed and said "That is probably why we are still good friends with them." So true. Hahahaha. Still are to this day.


----------



## PBear

I don't think it's for everybody, that's for sure. I think if I went back over my posts from people asking advice on including other partners, I'd overwhelmingly recommend the straight and narrow path rather than the kinky one. But I do feel like it's added to our relationship in a positive way, rather than negative. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## firebelly1

Married but Happy said:


> Jealousy typically arises from fear of losing someone. In the scenarios you're considering, who would you potentially lose?
> 
> Another common trigger for jealousy is getting noticeably less attention than someone else who is participating (or perceiving that you are getting less even if you're not). That kind is often based in insecurity about attractiveness or - if in a relationship with one of the people - insecurity about the relationship (again, fear of losing it).
> 
> The first couple of times we played with another couple, I had some minor jealousy. Analyzing my reactions later let me see the source was my own insecurity, and I realized it was _totally _unfounded. I never had any problems with jealousy after that.


The scenarios that I'm contemplating would be with people I'm not in a relationship with precisely because there is nothing to lose. 

Dan Savage once commented that when hetero couples first try threesomes the rule the woman often asks for is no PIV with the other woman. He commented that it's arbitrary but it shouldn't matter - if the man ever wants to have a threesome again and / or maintain his relationship he needs to do whatever arbitrary rule she comes up with. I'm not sure it's that arbitrary considering so many women come up with that rule.


----------



## Pbartender

firebelly1 said:


> The scenarios that I'm contemplating would be with people I'm not in a relationship with precisely because there is nothing to lose.
> 
> Dan Savage once commented that when hetero couples first try threesomes the rule the woman often asks for is no PIV with the other woman. He commented that it's arbitrary but it shouldn't matter - if the man ever wants to have a threesome again and / or maintain his relationship he needs to do whatever arbitrary rule she comes up with. I'm not sure it's that arbitrary considering so many women come up with that rule.


That's interesting to note, because if you went by the history of cultures, and if you went by the practices of the... *AHEM!* ...professionals, then "No kissing on the mouth." would seem to be a better universal rule to avoid personal attachments with the third wheel.

Of course, "No PIV." probably has more to do with avoiding jealous feelings of the spectator, rather than avoiding attachments by the participant.


----------



## Jellybeans

It's not arbitrary if someone decides it's not arbitrary. Boundaries and all that.

It's common knowledge tha tmost women tie SEX into their EMOTIONS so seeing their man fck their friend/someone else in front of them, yeah it may do a weird number on them.


----------



## Married but Happy

firebelly1 said:


> Dan Savage once commented that when hetero couples first try threesomes the rule the woman often asks for is no PIV with the other woman. He commented that it's arbitrary but it shouldn't matter - if the man ever wants to have a threesome again and / or maintain his relationship he needs to do whatever arbitrary rule she comes up with. I'm not sure it's that arbitrary considering so many women come up with that rule.


Interesting. It would then be equivalent that for MFM threesomes, the man in the couple would insist on no PIV by the other man.

I've never had any restrictions in the ones I've had, nor heard of this from others I know who've done threesomes. I have heard of the no kissing rule (mentioned by Pbartender) several times from other people.


----------



## MSP

larry.gray said:


> Wanting a threesome isn't always bi-curious.


What's the saying? 

"Threesomes are just gay sex with a witness".


----------



## firebelly1

MSP said:


> What's the saying?
> 
> "Threesomes are just gay sex with a witness".


I didn't say it, but I think a lot of FMF threesomes, like porn, are not about what the woman enjoys but is for the benefit of the man. The women play but aren't really attracted to each other. It's pretending.


----------



## firebelly1

Married but Happy said:


> Interesting. It would then be equivalent that for MFM threesomes, the man in the couple would insist on no PIV by the other man.
> 
> I've never had any restrictions in the ones I've had, nor heard of this from others I know who've done threesomes. I have heard of the no kissing rule (mentioned by Pbartender) several times from other people.


Not having had any experience with this yet, I really can't say. And I suppose since Dan Savage is gay, we have to take what he says as anecdotal. 

If I were in a relationship with a man, there's just nothing I can think of that he might be doing to another woman that I would be okay with. So, the rules do seem somewhat arbitrary to me from that point of view.


----------



## Morgiana

firebelly1 said:


> If I were in a relationship with a man, there's just nothing I can think of that he might be doing to another woman that I would be okay with. So, the rules do seem somewhat arbitrary to me from that point of view.


In a situation like this, and since you also first brouhaha up the subject of alternative sexual arrangements, the real question to ask is why would it bother you?

Is it jealousy, or maybe your view of marriage/long term relationships? Because you definately want to be comfortable doing whatever you decide to do, but you should also make sure to think the emotional aspect of it through before you commit and maybe end up regretting it.

There is no try before you buy in this scenario, so the best you can do is role play it in your mind first


----------



## firebelly1

Yeah - if I were in a relationship I would be jealous of my man gnawing on another woman. So, as I've said, if I do the group thing now I want it to be with people I don't have a relationship with. No potential for jealousy there.


----------



## PBear

Well, if you want to meet some people in Calgary, let me know.  There's also the Moonlight Club, which we found to be very friendly without pressure. Been there a couple times. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> Yeah - if I were in a relationship I would be jealous of my man gnawing on another woman.


Which is why you should be mindful perhaps not to do it with a friend and her "man." 

And Pbear--Calgary? I always thought you were American. Lol.


----------



## Morgiana

firebelly1 said:


> Yeah - if I were in a relationship I would be jealous of my man gnawing on another woman. So, as I've said, if I do the group thing now I want it to be with people I don't have a relationship with. No potential for jealousy there.


Humm, to me, I'd want to do it with someone that I'm at least fond of; because i can't get my kicks off without some emotional connection as well...

Or rather, I have been afraid of losing my ability to emotionally connect with someone if I engage in mindless sex without a connection....


----------



## PBear

Jellybeans said:


> Which is why you should be mindful perhaps not to do it with a friend and her "man."
> 
> And Pbear--Calgary? I always thought you were American. Lol.


It's my accent, isn't it? . Born and raised Albertan, with a one year work stint in Miami. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## firebelly1

PBear said:


> Well, if you want to meet some people in Calgary, let me know.  There's also the Moonlight Club, which we found to be very friendly without pressure. Been there a couple times.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OH! Hmmmmm...I will have to think on that. Part of the appeal of Vegas was that I'd be less likely to run into potential partners at the water cooler. However, part of the appeal of knowing people close by would be actually get laid on a more regular basis. 

I've never been to a sex club. I read the reviews for the Red Rooster and The Green Door in Vegas and some of the reviews made it intriguing and some of the reviews made me want to run the other way. Not sure I want creepy guys leering at me hoping to get some, but would definitely welcome not creepy guys coming on to me. Plus, the STD factor does give one pause.


----------



## firebelly1

Morgiana said:


> Humm, to me, I'd want to do it with someone that I'm at least fond of; because i can't get my kicks off without some emotional connection as well...
> 
> Or rather, I have been afraid of losing my ability to emotionally connect with someone if I engage in mindless sex without a connection....


Talking through all this and thinking about the various scenarios, I actually wonder if I can too. I have had ONS. There was only one that I can think of where I actually had an orgasm. Because the guy was so good at oral. (Best I've ever had, actually.) But most of the time I am too on guard to let go. Which is why i also brought up jack daniels in the beginning. If I'm drunk enough, I'll be good. Not too drunk, 'cause obviously I would be incapacitated and where's the fun in that, but drunk enough to let down my guard.


----------



## PBear

firebelly1 said:


> OH! Hmmmmm...I will have to think on that. Part of the appeal of Vegas was that I'd be less likely to run into potential partners at the water cooler. However, part of the appeal of knowing people close by would be actually get laid on a more regular basis.
> 
> I've never been to a sex club. I read the reviews for the Red Rooster and The Green Door in Vegas and some of the reviews made it intriguing and some of the reviews made me want to run the other way. Not sure I want creepy guys leering at me hoping to get some, but would definitely welcome not creepy guys coming on to me. Plus, the STD factor does give one pause.


The club in Calgary is a bit of a dive, in some ways. But we chose that club because it's close, but not "too close", as you've alluded to. We've also been to the club in Edmonton, which is quite a bit nicer. Much more of a "night club" atmosphere. We've only been there on e, at Halloween. So costumes and masks were used to protect the not-so innocent. But that might work out better for you, with the "close but not too close" idea...

Oh, and I can put you in touch with a couple of single guys that my SO would vouch for, if you want to try a threesome... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

PBear said:


> It's my accent, isn't it?


Haha. Yep!


----------



## firebelly1

PBear said:


> The club in Calgary is a bit of a dive, in some ways. But we chose that club because it's close, but not "too close", as you've alluded to. We've also been to the club in Edmonton, which is quite a bit nicer. Much more of a "night club" atmosphere. We've only been there on e, at Halloween. So costumes and masks were used to protect the not-so innocent. But that might work out better for you, with the "close but not too close" idea...
> 
> Oh, and I can put you in touch with a couple of single guys that my SO would vouch for, if you want to try a threesome...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I haven't been to Edmonton yet. I keep hearing how horrible the Q2 is. The costume idea sounds intriguing and so does the threesome with your guy friends. Let me mull it over.


----------



## Pbartender

I've been reading through this thread, and it got me thinking.

I realized that for me, the question isn't even about going outside the sexual box... but that I wasn't even certain what my sexual box looked like.

I realized that almost all of my personal rules and limitations about what I did or did not like, what I would or would not allow, and such about assorted sexual practices was defined by my Ex-Wife.

Hrm... I'll have to think about this more.


----------



## firebelly1

K. Just emailed my gf in Vegas. She mentioned that one of her male play friends had suggested she and I go to one of the swinger clubs in Vegas and "let our hair down." She said if she goes to one again she wants to take one of her latest guys. Perfect segue for me. I asked her if the thought had crossed her mind that she and I might be part of the play together. (That's how I put it. Couldn't bring myself to say "Want me to eat your *ussy?"). I said I wasn't sure how it would affect our friendship or whether either of us would really be into it since we're both more into guys, but thought I would put it out there. Waiting to hear back.


----------



## Morgiana

Pbartender said:


> I've been reading through this thread, and it got me thinking.
> 
> I realized that for me, the question isn't even about going outside the sexual box... but that I wasn't even certain what my sexual box looked like.
> 
> I realized that almost all of my personal rules and limitations about what I did or did not like, what I would or would not allow, and such about assorted sexual practices was defined by my Ex-Wife.
> 
> Hrm... I'll have to think about this more.


I fell in the same bucket... Until I got propositioned by a guy who I found out was a swinger and was just asking him honest questions about his lifestyle. I was so clueless about it that I didn't realize he had even propositioned me until hours later... :rofl:


----------



## firebelly1

Heard back from my gf. I think she's in the same place I am - not opposed to it, but wanting to be careful about the friendship. I asked if the question weirded her out. She assured me that it didn't. We both said we would think about it some more. I"m feeling very adult. In more ways than one.


----------



## muskrat

I didn't read every post, but I saw where it was asked if this could effect potential ltr's in the future. For me, if I were to find out my so had done this in the past but now refused to do this with me, I would find that conflicting.


----------



## firebelly1

muskrat said:


> I didn't read every post, but I saw where it was asked if this could effect potential ltr's in the future. For me, if I were to find out my so had done this in the past but now refused to do this with me, I would find that conflicting.


I've been thinking about that. Ultimately I think there are lots of things all of us have done in the past that we no longer want to do. I am thinking more about this little adventure as a bucket list item than a new lifestyle. I mean, who knows, maybe I'll keep wanting to do it with whoever I'm with, but I think I know myself well enough to know that won't be the case. 

Recently I tried haggis for the first time. I didn't hate it, but I would never seek it out again. I'm glad I was adventurous enough to try it. I suspect group sex might be the same, only, possibly more pleasurable than haggis.  

You say that you think it would conflict, but would you be resentful? Would it eat at you?


----------



## angelpixie

firebelly1 said:


> Recently I tried haggis for the first time. I didn't hate it, but I would never seek it out again. I'm glad I was adventurous enough to try it. I suspect group sex might be the same, only, possibly more pleasurable than haggis.


This was awesome. :rofl:


I found that after my marriage ended, as I was going through therapy and all kinds of self-discovery of why I am the way I am, that I had a desire to take that self-discovery to all areas of my personality. I questioned everything, from spirituality to sexuality. I was learning that a lot of who I thought I was had been 'programmed' by parents, culture, etc. 

It was a good time for me to consider everything, especially since I'd had a very sheltered childhood, and virtually no time on my own as a young person after high school or later to just find out who I was. I started with no assumptions. Was I totally sure I was exclusively heterosexual? Would I _ever_ consider dating or having sex with another woman? Did I really still believe I'd only have sex within an exclusive relationship, or with someone for whom I had feelings? Would I ever consider 'alternative' sexual practices like BDSM or swinging? It was a very interesting exercise, and I've often wondered why it isn't part of the general self-examination we're encouraged to do after something huge like the end of a marriage. So many times, it seems like people just want what they had in their marriage, minus the bad stuff.

In the process, I still never have had a ONS, but I did have sex with someone I had feelings for, but did not love. I attended the monthly luncheon of our local BDSM group, which was fun and interesting, if for nothing else, seeing how many people there I recognized from other areas of my life. I was invited to the monthly 'play party' that night, but I decided not to go. It didn't seem like my thing after all. But I don't feel at all ashamed that I went. That was a huge step for me, to put myself out there, and even admit that it was something that intrigued me. 

What I am very aware of, though, is the 'you can never go back' feeling. Many times, that has been the thing keeping me from actually trying something.


----------



## muskrat

firebelly1 said:


> I've been thinking about that. Ultimately I think there are lots of things all of us have done in the past that we no longer want to do. I am thinking more about this little adventure as a bucket list item than a new lifestyle. I mean, who knows, maybe I'll keep wanting to do it with whoever I'm with, but I think I know myself well enough to know that won't be the case.
> 
> Recently I tried haggis for the first time. I didn't hate it, but I would never seek it out again. I'm glad I was adventurous enough to try it. I suspect group sex might be the same, only, possibly more pleasurable than haggis.
> 
> You say that you think it would conflict, but would you be resentful? Would it eat at you?


If this was something I really wanted to try and share with my partner. And I knew she had done this before, but now refused to share this experience with me. I think I would feel like I wasn't good enough. Yes it would probably eat at me some. 
It is hard to tell a so that you are not comfortable doing something when they know you have done it in the past. Especially since this is your decision and not something you felt like you were forced to do during a relationship.


----------



## angelpixie

I guess you'd have to just try to look at it as a practice, not a preference. And maybe for a time, it was something they were into, but just not anymore, and it wouldn't have anything to do with you. 

And sometimes, people do things sexually with someone they love that they wouldn't do with someone 'casual' -- and vice versa. I don't think it's cut and dried. A lot of open, honest communication would be necessary to prevent feeling judged or hurt, I would think.


----------



## Healer

Well then, a few Calgarians up in here. Who knew?

And it's f*cking freezing!! I think I need someone to warm me up.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Well then, a few Calgarians up in here. Who knew?
> 
> And it's f*cking freezing!! I think I need someone to warm me up.


Did the coffee date with the mom not amount to anything?


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Did the coffee date with the mom not amount to anything?


I bailed. We had messaged a few times and I mentioned getting a coffee. I awoke to a message the next morning at 6:30 am "well I didn't bring my skates because I didn't hear back from you...". I looked at the message from the night before and she wanted to go skating - a bit much for a first meeting. I just got a weird, almost guilt trip vibe from the message. Not a huge deal, but I just wasn't into to it.

My band is playing a week today at this trendy club downtown, there's always lots of women there, and being on stage makes for an easy "in". I have a few prospects brewing with women I've met gigging. It just seems the drummer always fancies the same girls. Twice now we've brought a girl home with us. I learned my lesson from the first one and just grabbed a guitar and played instead of trying to have sex with her. I'm too old for those antics.

It's really quite astounding how many women get drunk and are willing to just go wherever with the band.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> I bailed. We had messaged a few times and I mentioned getting a coffee. I awoke to a message the next morning at 6:30 am "well I didn't bring my skates because I didn't hear back from you...". I looked at the message from the night before and she wanted to go skating - a bit much for a first meeting. I just got a weird, almost guilt trip vibe from the message. Not a huge deal, but I just wasn't into to it.
> 
> My band is playing a week today at this trendy club downtown, there's always lots of women there, and being on stage makes for an easy "in". I have a few prospects brewing with women I've met gigging. It just seems the drummer always fancies the same girls. Twice now we've brought a girl home with us. I learned my lesson from the first one and just grabbed a guitar and played instead of trying to have sex with her. I'm too old for those antics.
> 
> It's really quite astounding how many women get drunk and are willing to just go wherever with the band.


Yeah - I had an experience in NYC when I lived there. I was living in a women's boarding house where half were very old ladies and the other half were college students. There was a girl in the building that invited me to a club. The two of us ended up going with the band back to their hotel. I ended up getting the best oral of my life. (And we accidentally started a fire.) 

She followed the band out to some other town the following weekend and told me she ended up giving all the band members bj's in turn in the bathroom. At the time I thought "Where's her self-respect?" but I suppose the fact that I went back to the hotel with the band may not have been high on the self-esteem scale. I dunno. I wasn't drunk. Again, best oral of my life. This is what one does when one is young, right?


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I ended up getting the best oral of my life. (And we accidentally started a fire.)


LOL. 

Indeed - youth! That is pretty dirty though, the multiple BJ thing. 

As a woman, can you say what the allure is with musicians? Is it because they're in the spotlight? Is musicality a turn on? Not complaining - it's a gift! Just curious. Crazy **** always happens at our gigs with girls. The last time there was a group of women at a table (all very attractive) and my bandmate said "that table is here to take the band down". LOL. Sure enough, they did.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> LOL.
> 
> Indeed - youth! That is pretty dirty though, the multiple BJ thing.
> 
> As a woman, can you say what the allure is with musicians? Is it because they're in the spotlight? Is musicality a turn on? Not complaining - it's a gift! Just curious. Crazy **** always happens at our gigs with girls. The last time there was a group of women at a table (all very attractive) and my bandmate said "that table is here to take the band down". LOL. Sure enough, they did.


I have always been partial to musicians - guitar / bass players in particular. I don't know what it is exactly. Guitar as phallic symbol? Being able to play a musical instrument is kind of a magical skill and women like men with skills. 

I can't remember the guy, but there was a social theorist a few years back that hypothesized that male humans developed artistic abilities specifically to attract the opposite sex.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I have always been partial to musicians - guitar / bass players in particular. I don't know what it is exactly. Guitar as phallic symbol? Being able to play a musical instrument is kind of a magical skill and women like men with skills.
> 
> I can't remember the guy, but there was a social theorist a few years back that hypothesized that male humans developed artistic abilities specifically to attract the opposite sex.


Well alright then. I like this. You should come to a gig sometime.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Well alright then. I like this. You should come to a gig sometime.


Well, I might just do that. What club are you playing?


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Well, I might just do that. What club are you playing?


We are at WineOhs (811 1st Street SW) Thursday night at around 6-6:30 - it's a Happy hour thing. Great venue.


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## firebelly1

Healer said:


> We are at WineOhs (811 1st Street SW) Thursday night at around 6-6:30 - it's a Happy hour thing. Great venue.


My calendar appears to be free that night.  What kind of music do you guys play? I keep imagining that you have sleeve tattoos and play heavy metal but that isn't exactly a heavy-metal neighborhood.


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## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> My calendar appears to be free that night.  What kind of music do you guys play? I keep imagining that you have sleeve tattoos and play heavy metal but that isn't exactly a heavy-metal neighborhood.


Not quite sleeved, but tat'd up a bit. Actually I've written some metal tunes that have been used on Spike TV and Monster Jam (LOL - so NOT my scene), but this band is the antithesis of metal. I believe we are billed as "Alberta Sawblade Folkabilly". We're really all over the map, but definitely not a rock band.


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## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Not quite sleeved, but tat'd up a bit. Actually I've written some metal tunes that have been used on Spike TV and Monster Jam (LOL - so NOT my scene), but this band is the antithesis of metal. I believe we are billed as "Alberta Sawblade Folkabilly". We're really all over the map, but definitely not a rock band.


Oh! I'm excited to hear you guys. I've been dying to see some live music since I got to Calgary and missed out on all the summer festivals. Yay!


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## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Oh! I'm excited to hear you guys. I've been dying to see some live music since I got to Calgary and missed out on all the summer festivals. Yay!


I think you'll enjoy it, the show is a lot of fun.


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## bravenewworld

Interesting thread. I am definitely more open now for a "sexual adventure" so to speak but it would have to be right people/time/place. Basically - the stars have to be perfectly aligned. If something feels "off" I'd just rather not. 

One thing I did look at and have an "ok I will be doing this" was after a friend (jokingly, I think) sent me a link to a sales video on the Sybian website. I've never been a sex toy person and the price seemed quite high but holy moly, saving up as we speak! 

Problem is after I get it I might never leave my house! :smthumbup:


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## firebelly1

bravenewworld said:


> Interesting thread. I am definitely more open now for a "sexual adventure" so to speak but it would have to be right people/time/place. Basically - the stars have to be perfectly aligned. If something feels "off" I'd just rather not.
> 
> One thing I did look at and have an "ok I will be doing this" was after a friend (jokingly, I think) sent me a link to a sales video on the Sybian website. I've never been a sex toy person and the price seemed quite high but holy moly, saving up as we speak!
> 
> Problem is after I get it I might never leave my house! :smthumbup:


Intriguing website. I gotta tell you that I've had a few vibrators in my life but nothing beats my shower head. It's one of the handheld ones that has a massage setting on it.


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## Want2babettrme

bravenewworld said:


> Interesting thread. I am definitely more open now for a "sexual adventure" so to speak but it would have to be right people/time/place. Basically - the stars have to be perfectly aligned. If something feels "off" I'd just rather not.
> 
> One thing I did look at and have an "ok I will be doing this" was after a friend (jokingly, I think) sent me a link to a sales video on the Sybian website. I've never been a sex toy person and the price seemed quite high but holy moly, saving up as we speak!
> 
> Problem is after I get it I might never leave my house! :smthumbup:



Have you tried crowdsourcing? If everyone on TAM contributes $1.00......:smthumbup:


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## bravenewworld

Want2babettrme said:


> Have you tried crowdsourcing? If everyone on TAM contributes $1.00......:smthumbup:


BNW Multiples Fund = For the low, low, cost of $1.99 you can help a woman in need achieve multiple orgasms provided by a top quality medical device. 

Act now and receive a free "Multiples Fund" tote bag. Visa and Mastercard accepted. :rofl:


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## angelpixie

Top 10 Crowdfunding Sites For Fundraising - Forbes

I there are a few of us here who could make use of this idea...after all, who doesn't want to help make the world a happier place?


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## Dollystanford

I was way outside the box before marriage, then jumped in the box during marriage, now with someone who is happy to set fire to the box


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## firebelly1

bravenewworld said:


> Interesting thread. I am definitely more open now for a "sexual adventure" so to speak but it would have to be right people/time/place. Basically - the stars have to be perfectly aligned. If something feels "off" I'd just rather not.
> 
> One thing I did look at and have an "ok I will be doing this" was after a friend (jokingly, I think) sent me a link to a sales video on the Sybian website. I've never been a sex toy person and the price seemed quite high but holy moly, saving up as we speak!
> 
> Problem is after I get it I might never leave my house! :smthumbup:


So, in researching all this stuff I found out the local sex club has a Sybian and they host "Sybian night." So, you could just pay the price of admission and use theirs. Of course, you would have multiple people watching you use it, which may or may not add to the fun. 

Another fun fact I learned: there is such a thing as a remote controlled vibrator.


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## angelpixie

firebelly1 said:


> Another fun fact I learned: there is such a thing as a remote controlled vibrator.


Oooh yeah, there is. Uh, I mean, oh, yes, I've heard that, too!


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## bravenewworld

firebelly1 said:


> So, in researching all this stuff I found out the local sex club has a Sybian and they host "Sybian night." So, you could just pay the price of admission and use theirs. Of course, you would have multiple people watching you use it, which may or may not add to the fun.
> 
> Another fun fact I learned: there is such a thing as a remote controlled vibrator.



That might be the one time I'd let a guy have control of the remote.


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## firebelly1

bravenewworld said:


> firebelly1 said:
> 
> 
> 
> So, in researching all this stuff I found out the local sex club has a Sybian and they host "Sybian night." So, you could just pay the price of admission and use theirs. Of course, you would have multiple people watching you use it, which may or may not add to the fun.
> 
> Another fun fact I learned: there is such a thing as a remote controlled vibrator.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That might be the one time I'd let a guy have control of the remote.
Click to expand...



_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Pictureless

Man, you ladies have so many options lol


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## angelpixie

bravenewworld said:


> That might be the one time I'd let a guy have control of the remote.


:rofl:


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## Dollystanford

Fun when your hat has a bit of a naughty streak I'd say


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## bravenewworld

Pictureless said:


> Man, you ladies have so many options lol


There's a sex toy for men on the Sybian website called "The Venus 2000" Just sayin'


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## Pictureless

bravenewworld said:


> There's a sex toy for men on the Sybian website called "The Venus 2000" Just sayin'


Really? Ok now I'll have to check it out later


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## doubletrouble

Just read the first page so I don't know where this thread is going. I've been in 3some and 4some situations where we were all friends. It didn't strain things at all for us. But your mileage may vary. As far as I know, except for one couple who got divorced years later, they're all still friends. I've changed cities too many times to keep up with the rest. 

As for the men in those situations, I'm strictly het, so nothing there to even think about. I was also in my 20s at the time.


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## firebelly1

Healer said:


> firebelly1 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Oh! I'm excited to hear you guys. I've been dying to see some live music since I got to Calgary and missed out on all the summer festivals. Yay!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I think you'll enjoy it, the show is a lot of fun.
Click to expand...

It was! Your band is really good healer. And you can shred. 

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## firebelly1

So, update on my outside the box efforts: apparently it isn't as easy to get a three way going as one might expect. And here's why - I need to feel comfortable with the people I'm doing it with, which means I have to get to know them, which means, I kind of have to care. 

My gf who lives in Vegas has a guy who she sees frequently who said he might be willing to do a threesome with us but he works in Vegas and doesn't want to go to a swingers club because someone might recognize him.  So, he'd suggested it just be the three of us in private. Thing is, as I'm thinking about all this I'm realizing - I'm not into chicks. Plus, this is my friend. And this is her guy. It would all be awkward, but most importantly for me, not really all that much of a turn-on.  Which is supposed to be the point. gf has said she doesn't really have an interest in the swingers club. I don't feel safe going by myself. Hrmph. 

So, meanwhile, I find a website that caters to swingers. And particular subsets of swingers that I didn't know existed. And a lot of horny men, single and married, who want to get in on whatever action might be available. 

Being open-minded, I check it all out.  And here's what I can say: there are several ways that people can express their sexuality that aren't for me. And, once again in my life I think I am facing this: I don't think I can really disconnect my feelings from sex. Hrmph.


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