# Is it addiction or just me?



## mom2abntb (Aug 11, 2010)

Fair warning, this post may turn out to be a book. But I feel like it'd be unfair to just give part of the story without giving some background info.

My husband and I have been married for almost a year (Aug 22nd) and this issue reared its ugly head around a week after we were married. DH started calling date lines, called for several months, before I found out. I saw the phone numbers on his cell phone call history and confronted him about it after I called the numbers myself. He said he'd been letting his friend at work borrow his phone and didn't know who he was calling. Even though my gut told me different, I believed him. It was probably a week later, I had this feeling that I needed to check the home phone history. And sure enough, when he'd come home from lunch and in the evenings, he'd call before I got home from work. I called him out on it again...and also found out that he'd been checking into adult dating sites and looking a nude pics. (Now, I enjoy looking at porn every now and again and all, but I don't make a constant habit out of it. I think it is something that should be done together.) Fast forward about six months, when DH is starting his ebay business. He is selling fairly regularly and starts looking up porn on there. And then starts buying it. Not regularly buying it, but he is looking for it every evening, for a couple hours at a time. I'm mad, hurt, confused, etc. Even when I told him it bothered me (because, frankly, I have a low self image) and he promised that he'd stop, or that we'd look together, he still has done it behind my back. Last night, he was checking his ebay to make sure there wasn't something that needed shipping, and then I heard him click and type, click some more, and I knew he was looking up something. I finally got out of bed and sure enough, he closed the browser real quick and shut down the computer.

What am I supposed to think? Is it me? Am I just being unreasonable?


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## pochael (Apr 12, 2010)

You need to let him know that this is not something that you will allow to go on.


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## Anastasia (Mar 17, 2009)

I think it's an addiction. I say that, because I'm dealing with the same from my hubby. Almost 11 years since we got married, and it started before we were married. He was contacting girls that lived out of state that he had met on the internet. Talking dirty with them. I found out two months after we were married. Very much into porn. Then, he started exchanging naked pics of himself with girls on the interent....talking dirty to them too. This went on for years! I would always find out after the fact. He had an account with adult friend finder, but swore it was just to look at the pics. The last two years: he is still very much into porn. Joined a swingers website where you could communicate with real people...and swap pics with them.( I had no clue he was on this site) Well, he deployed to Iraq where he was on this site everyday. I had sent him some very naughty pics to keep him happy. What I didn't know was, I was making lots of other people happy too. My hubby posted my private pics on this website without my knowledge for all to enjoy. I don't get it. I thought it was just a phase in the begining, but looking back over the course of our marriage he has always been this way. Very inappropriate, but each encounter he would just say it was all fantasy, and I was making a big deal out of nothing. I don't really have any words of advice, but I can totally relate. My hubby has said himself that he has an addiction to porn. As far as I know he has been good the last year and a half, but if I find out he is back into his fantasies....well, I'm gone.


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## Anastasia (Mar 17, 2009)

Let me also add; for my hubby....just looking at porn was never enough. He blew about $500 while he was in Iraq. He was paying for "webcam girls". He would tell them what to do for him, as they were charging him. Kinda like phone sex, but he could see them. At any rate, I have wondered many time, why am I not enough, but I have came to realize it's not me...it's him. Seeing how all of this started before we got married. When our relationship was all "new and exciting"; when he was soooo "in love" with me. That lets me know that it not me. Hopefully, your husband can stop out of respect for you. Maybe go to counseling.


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