# He's stressed with work



## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

My hubby (married 21 years) is always very focussed on work and his "career" and making sure his CV is "perfect!" It's one of the reasons we married, because I am not into having a career myself or at all ambitious (workwise) Though I do have a little part time job so I do my bit. We have teenagers and my role has been to bring our kids up and be a stay at home mom for the most time.

Work can be quite stressful for hubby at times, and he tends to go quiet and moody with it. We have just had a weekend away with the kids, and that didnt seem to make a difference, though we did have a "big" holiday abroad in the summer and a couple of weeks away from work helps (he does fret about the expense even though we can afford it) 

What can I do to help and make things better for him?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

DameEdna said:


> My hubby (married 21 years) is always very focussed on work and his "career" and making sure his CV is "perfect!" It's one of the reasons we married, because I am not into having a career myself or at all ambitious (workwise) Though I do have a little part time job so I do my bit. We have teenagers and my role has been to bring our kids up and be a stay at home mom for the most time.
> 
> Work can be quite stressful for hubby at times, and he tends to go quiet and moody with it. We have just had a weekend away with the kids, and that didnt seem to make a difference, though we did have a "big" holiday abroad in the summer and a couple of weeks away from work helps (he does fret about the expense even though we can afford it)
> 
> What can I do to help and make things better for him?


We have the same situation that I'm a stay home mom and hubby goes out to work, but I'm a thrifty wife so usually, I don't have this problem often but it did happen few times though.

When a man works a lot being a sole bread winner carrying all the pills & payments on his shoulders.

He would expect some respects & appreciations from the kids & wife in return. He expects the family to respect that the money won't just fall down from the trees, which is true.

So whenever we decide to buy a more costy thing or plan a holiday, make sure our husbands are happy with "our budget" first.

Most of times, they're happy to let us enjoy whatever we want but they simply want to be informed. So they feel respected, you know.

I always set a very thrifty budget to show my hubby that I respect the money he painstakingly made, my hubby, instead would say I'm being too cheapsakte, so he always wanted to make the budget even higher, to show the family that he can afford it! 

So I was always the one constantly complaining things too expensive, he's always the one telling me, we aren't so poor. In the end we always spent much more as if there's no budget at all.

_________________________________________________
BTW,

Please feel happy & grateful that your husband focussed on his career.

I know from this forum that some husbands are irresponsible and very lazy to go to work, as lousy as some husbands, only expect their wives to go to work, so they can do whatever stupid job they want, and ask her for money.

We are very lucky that our husbands by themselves want to give us a good life, fighting his best in the dogs-eat-dog business world, to bring home the bacon for us to raise up the kids in a safe & stable home. 

We should be supportive & grateful to our hubbbies that they've done his best to bring the biggest bacon home. 

It's a very easy for us only need to show him some respects and appreciations that he deserves.

Hope it helps!


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> We have the same situation that I'm a stay home mom and hubby goes out to work, but I'm a thrifty wife so usually, I don't have this problem often but it did happen few times though.
> 
> When a man works a lot being a sole bread winner, he would expect some basic respect in return. He expects the family, kids, wife, to respect that the money doesn't just fall down from the trees. So whenever we decide to buy a thing or plan a holiday, make sure our husbands are happy with "the budget" first.
> 
> ...


MsLonely you have hit the nail on the head (so to speak) you couldnt be more right, and it's just like you are talking about my own husband!! Hubby is an Accountant and not only at work, but at home aswell. And it often comes across via myself or the kids that we "don't care" what we spend our money on. So it's not surprising he is so stressed. He works a lot of hours in order to keep us "in the manner to which we have become accustomed" (his phrase) so it HAS to be stressful to see if we are being disrespectful with his hard earned money.

Often (especially with major purchases) it's a joint decision and I will favour something cheaper (including weekends away) and he DOES set the budget higher (as in your case) But maybe I need to agree with him on other things aswell..... Like our daughter wants us to spend £70+ on colour + highlights at the hairdressers for her!! 

Hubby is a bit more relaxed now daughter (17) has found herself a part time job and will soon be able to pay her way.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

DameEdna said:


> My hubby (married 21 years) is always very focussed on work and his "career" and making sure his CV is "perfect!" It's one of the reasons we married, because I am not into having a career myself or at all ambitious (workwise) Though I do have a little part time job so I do my bit. We have teenagers and my role has been to bring our kids up and be a stay at home mom for the most time.
> 
> Work can be quite stressful for hubby at times, and he tends to go quiet and moody with it. We have just had a weekend away with the kids, and that didnt seem to make a difference, though we did have a "big" holiday abroad in the summer and a couple of weeks away from work helps (he does fret about the expense even though we can afford it)
> 
> What can I do to help and make things better for him?


DameEdna,

In my own opinion, people are stressed at work usually because of the competition they feel at work. If we stop feeling so insecure, we'll be relaxed right away. That's what I did to help me. We also have a very high expectation for ourselves, we want to do a perfect job so our boss won't nag us. If we don't allow any flaws with our work, we tend to give us a lot of pressure. That's something else I realized,I can't do a perfect job, I can do a good job. 

How many people can do a perfect job? Nobody! So why do we need to give us so much pressure? I asked myself to stop giving myself pressure. My boss is still super happy with me since now I am cheerful and happy, I am still a responsible employee for her. 

I don't know about your husband's situation. He might also be stressed since he is the only bread winner at your home. Like Mslonely suggested, the only thing us women can do is by being supportive and understanding. Making his life at home more comfortable and relaxed. Don't give him even more frustration at home.


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> DameEdna,
> 
> In my own opinion, people are stressed at work usually because of the competition they feel at work. If we stop feeling so insecure, we'll be relaxed right away. That's what I did to help me. We also have a very high expectation for ourselves, we want to do a perfect job so our boss won't nag us. If we don't allow any flaws with our work, we tend to give us a lot of pressure. That's something else I realized,I can't do a perfect job, I can do a good job.
> 
> ...


Thank you Greenpearl. He is stressed with work because everything is a bit unsettled there at the moment and they are not sure of the way forward, or whether hubby will still have a job at the end of it. He's only worked there about 18 months after over a year at home looking for work. 

I try not to give him more frustration at home, but he does have a family including two teenagers, and he cannot just ignore that!! Not that he does, he tries to do his bit, but has a tendency to "blow up" quite easily if things are not going too well.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

DameEdna said:


> Thank you Greenpearl. He is stressed with work because everything is a bit unsettled there at the moment and they are not sure of the way forward, or whether hubby will still have a job at the end of it. He's only worked there about 18 months after over a year at home looking for work.
> 
> I try not to give him more frustration at home, but he does have a family including two teenagers, and he cannot just ignore that!! Not that he does, he tries to do his bit, but has a tendency to "blow up" quite easily if things are not going too well.


DameEdna,

I can really understand him, I think you are under a lot of stress too.

When you are not certain about your job, it is really a lot of pressure on your shoulder. Especially when there is only one person working to support the whole family. 

I have been reading recently, it is Buddhism teaching. It says that we as human beings tend to worry a lot, but the stress we give us is really unnecessary. There was a study showed 40% of what we worry will never happen, 30% of the stuff is already a reality, there is nothing we can do, 14% of the worries is about small stuff, 12% of the stuff is about our health, so only 4% is what we really should be concerned. 

If your husband doesn't stop worrying, it is only going to make his life and your life very stressful. I don't know if you are able to tell him that worrying won't solve any problems, just do a good job and be a responsible employee. Bosses always value responsible employees a lot. If you show your boss that you are more responsible than a lot of other employees, you will be valued.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

DameEdna said:


> Thank you Greenpearl. He is stressed with work because everything is a bit unsettled there at the moment and they are not sure of the way forward, or whether hubby will still have a job at the end of it. He's only worked there about 18 months after over a year at home looking for work.
> 
> I try not to give him more frustration at home, but he does have a family including two teenagers, and he cannot just ignore that!! Not that he does, he tries to do his bit, but has a tendency to "blow up" quite easily if things are not going too well.


Your situation has reminded me the same situation when my husband was being jobless for 6 months after he resigned his previous work.

It was very stressful both the husband & the wife. Especially the husband would be very sensitive to every major expense and the wife must calculate carefully before she responses to every mouth that asks (the kids).

You might need to encourage your husband and comfort him whenever he feels insecure about his future work.

As long as your husband has a talent in a specific field, I guess he's a hard working man, too! He will soon find a boss who values his talent.

He will find a job he really likes & he'll be sucessful, those are words you want to make him feel confident in himself again & again.

Actually, he should take this opportunity for a break to relax himself without worrying too much about the expense because you would be watching out for him.

Things will be fine after his new work is settled. :smthumbup:

I think greenpearl has a good point about people tend to worry about the uncertain future.


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