# Sent my wife A Bouquet of flowers today. And then this message. Any thoughts please. She is my everything



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

L****
I know our marriage hasn’t been working the way we expected it of late. However, this is the reason I’m reaching out to you through this message, I know we have a plan and have spoken about it in depth. I want you to know and remember my unconditional love for you. No matter how much confusion and pain we’re going through, never forget the fact that there’s nothing I won’t do for you and for our marriage. The moment I said yes to being your husband, I promised that I would love you no matter what, for better or worse.
I need you to remember that no matter how bad things get, I won’t give up on it and us and I hope the same goes for you. I love you even more in moments where our marriage seems unstable as this is the time where you need the most love. This message serves as a reminder than I’ll never stop choosing you, no matter the odds, and that our marriage is my highest priority. I want us to have everything we promised ourselves, a nice home, lovely furniture and a calm relaxed contented satisfied life together.
I’m sorry for the moments where I lack in terms of love, patience, and understanding when I’ve got stressed or angry or Even when it seems that I’ve given up, there’s no way that I’ll easily let our marriage fall that easily. I’m sorry for not being the person I promised all the time that you deserve or for when it seems that I’m not meeting your expectations.
I hope that we use this time apart to remember and ignite the spark for our marriage and bring it back to life and to fix whatever needs fixing. I love you and I plan to show that every day through both my actions and my words from now on.
This includes, no more XBOX, will be sold, no more clash of clans or games they will be deleted, no more gambling, already deleted, no more alcohol at home or drugs ever again. The past is the past as we’ve said but I want to reassure you I mean what I say and am willing to do whatever I can to help us 
I’ve realised as if I didn’t know already there is only 1 person I want to be by my side, my true friend and my best friend who means more to me than any other woman on this earth. 

I love YOU L**** and Simply love and want to make you happy and proud of me. I’m going to do all I can to make this true. I know the rules and what we’ve said, I will stick by mine and won’t fail! I’ve never been more serious and determined to do anything in my life. We can do this together and I will show you by doing what I’ve promised I am serious and want to make my wrongs right and hopefully we can rewind things to Australia 2018 where we was so close and happy. 
You say you want this also. That gives me even greater encouragement and desire to prove everybody else wrong. I hope I get this job that pays amazing money, I want to clear the debts we have, get a nice home and live a simple happy stress free life and to get another dog for Lexy to teach and play with 
We agreed the past is that and we work only on the future, but let me clarify 1 part only, I only ever text women or chatted because of low self esteem and constantly being told I’m fat and ugly by old Laura. It really got to me so i guess I’ve always previously looked for a better view from people to help myself. Never once have I wanted anybody on this earth other than you. I’ll leave this up to you now. I won’t wait forever but prepared to wait and earn your trust again as you’re wanting me to earn your trust also. We both know deep inside how we truly feel and love each other. For me it’s only ever been you and now I need to step up and show you. But we will and do need to do this together. Even thou we’re apart I think we should turn our locations on to each other to start earning the trust back whilst we are doing this temporary separation//break

We can do this, please reply and let me know your thoughts and I won’t reply if you don’t want me to, I’ve not tried to upset or annoy you, just had a day of reflection did a 30k bike ride and basically thought and thought more. I really wanna see you but for now it’s best i dont. Im putting my trust into what youve said to me recently. If that’s the truth and you truly mean that I will carry on as ive said and am doing 
Its always you been you, even when you thought it wasn’t. 
Good evening/night my beautiful wife I love you Laura more than you’ll ever know
S***** x


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She called you fat and ugly?


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I think that if you've been ignoring her for your games, alcohol, and drugs you have a LONG rode ahead of you. I'm guessing you've told her before you'd give all that crap up and then didn't? A woman will only take that crap for so long. And when a guy says THIS time they really mean what they say, we don't believe them. Flowers and a letter are nice but aren't really giving her what she really wants and needs. 

There's an expression "when a woman is done, she's done" and it would probably be to your advantage to find out if she's done or not. Because if she says she is, then start making positive changes in your life now and get ready to move on. If she says she's not sure, give her time and space and ask her what she needs from you to show that you can and will really make those changes. 

I wish you good luck either way.


----------



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> She called you fat and ugly?


No that was my ex (my sons mum) a fat ugly c*** was her usual expression for me


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TBY1 said:


> No that was my ex (my sons mum) a fat ugly c*** was her usual expression for me


Oh ok.


----------



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

notmyjamie said:


> I think that if you've been ignoring her for your games, alcohol, and drugs you have a LONG rode ahead of you. I'm guessing you've told her before you'd give all that crap up and then didn't? A woman will only take that crap for so long. And when a guy says THIS time they really mean what they say, we don't believe them. Flowers and a letter are nice but aren't really giving her what she really wants and needs.
> 
> There's an expression "when a woman is done, she's done" and it would probably be to your advantage to find out if she's done or not. Because if she says she is, then start making positive changes in your life now and get ready to move on. If she says she's not sure, give her time and space and ask her what she needs from you to show that you can and will really make those changes.
> 
> I wish you good luck either way.


She has said we are having some us time and then we will get back together as that’s what she wants once we’ve sorted our issues 
I can only hope she means it


----------



## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

Dude stop with the groveling. It’s growing old. She knows all this. Just give her the space and take time to improve yourself. But stop with all this nonsense. Honestly. Go back and read your posts.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Please, stop being pathetic, weak and reactionary and go improve yourself.

You want her to want you, respect you, desire you? Earn it. 
And you don’t earn it by being timid and supplicating to her like a pathetic puppy dog. 
You earn it by improving yourself.

You earn it by putting all of your focus into becoming a strong, competent, confident man that is worthy of being respected and desired. Until you do that, nothing else matters. And nothing else will work. 
This should be your entire focus for the next 6 to 12 months, instead of following her around like an emotional puppy.


----------



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> Please, stop being pathetic, weak and reactionary and go improve yourself.
> 
> You want her to want you, respect you, desire you? Earn it.
> And you don’t earn it by being timid and supplicating to her like a pathetic puppy dog.
> ...


----------



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

6-12 months???? I’m not being apart from her that long 
****s sake this is like. 2/3 month thing in my head


----------



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

6-12 months???? I’m not being apart from her that long 
****s sake this is like. 2/3 month thing in my head


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I will guess none of the issues developed overnight, and sense you are able to cite a specific bunch of issues I will also guess she has discussed these topics in the past. Correct? So what makes today different? Why should she believe suddenly today you get it and will embark on sweeping changes? And if gaming and drinking and drugs and such makes you happy what makes you think you can change?

Here's my advice. Just shut up about it. Stop pleading, stop promising, stop groveling, just leave her alone. The only thing you should focus on is fixing your negatives, not for her but for yourself. She may or may not come back to you, but you will always need to live with yourself, be a person who can be proud of themself.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

TBY1 said:


> 6-12 months???? I’m not being apart from her that long
> ****s sake this is like. 2/3 month thing in my head


You don’t understand.

And unfortunately, you’re not listening.

Maybe you get to be around her white you improve.yourself, maybe you don’t, that is secondary. 
Your primary focus is creating a plan and doing the work to build yourself into a strong, competent, attractive man worthy of respect and desire.


----------



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> You don’t understand.
> 
> And unfortunately, you’re not listening.
> 
> ...


----------



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> You don’t understand.
> 
> And unfortunately, you’re not listening.
> 
> ...


There’s no point at all in making these changes or improvements to my life and to me if it’s not with her! Same as I didn’t marry her to get divorced!! We love each other! I’d rather be dead than spend another day without her


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

TBY1 said:


> She has said we are having some us time and then we will get back together as that’s what she wants once we’ve sorted our issues
> I can only hope she means it


Go online and check your phone bill.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

TBY1 said:


> There’s no point at all in making these changes or improvements to my life and to me if it’s not with her! Same as I didn’t marry her to get divorced!! We love each other! I’d rather be dead than spend another day without her


You need serious psychological and spiritual help dude. There’s nothing more anyone here can do for you, 

I sincerely urge you to find a competent therapist immediately. While you’re waiting for the appointment, watch some Jordan Peterson videos, it’s a start.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

gold5932 said:


> Dude stop with the groveling. It’s growing old. She knows all this. Just give her the space and take time to improve yourself. But stop with all this nonsense. Honestly. Go back and read your posts.


The “pick me dance” you are doing makes you look weak and unattractive.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

How do you feel about yourself when you are doing all these actions to win back somebody who you know doesn't deserve your effort?

Can you look at yourself in the mirror without self-loathing?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

“There are none so blind as those who will not see."



TBY1 said:


> There’s no point at all in making these changes or improvements to my life and to me if it’s not with her! Same as I didn’t marry her to get divorced!! We love each other! I’d rather be dead than spend another day without her


This isn't about her, it's about you. It always has been.

Nothing will change unless you do! You're the only chance you have.

It has nothing to do with her. 

Best


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

TBY1 said:


> There’s no point at all in making these changes or improvements to my life and to me if it’s not with her! Same as I didn’t marry her to get divorced!! We love each other! I’d rather be dead than spend another day without her


This sounds like how an addict talks.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> You need serious psychological and spiritual help dude. There’s nothing more anyone here can do for you,
> 
> I sincerely urge you to find a competent therapist immediately. While you’re waiting for the appointment, watch some Jordan Peterson videos, it’s a start.


You are absolutely wasting your time.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Separation is prelude to divorce. Probably to spend more time with her new boyfriend.

You love her so she must love you too. Nope, hence the separation.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

@TBY1, There is a reason you see so many members giving you the same advice. They see what is coming that you can't. 

Let me leave you with some reading, for this evening, that may open your eyes to the mistakes you've made and the ones you insist on continuing... 

No More Mr Nice Guy

Best


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I want to tell you, from the perspective of a deeply emotional woman who loves and connects easily and strongly to people...your rambling message to her made ME feel intensely uncomfortable and if anyone said anything like that to me, I would feel emotionally overwhelmed and ignored, and TERRIFIED.

EVERYTHING you ever write about your feelings for her is all "ME, ME, ME, ME..."

And it's clear from what you wrote that you are trying to tie an emotional grindstone to her neck and drown her with your feelings - whatever makes YOU feel good. You have so many emotional expectations for her, and if I were her, I would RUN AWAY from a man like you to save myself. There is NO room in your heart for her, because it's filled with your own feelings and expectations. I can't believe a man who is as selfish as you are really believes he loves another person -- I don't see LOVE at all with anything you write on here. All I see is self-serving emotional enmeshment that only the most disordered people can tolerate.

You cannot even stand to hear other opinions about her or your motives - YOU feel it, therefore it must be real...YOU want it, therefore you cannot exist without it. I've rarely heard anything so unhealthy.

I have no idea what to even say to you because you refuse to listen to anyone. I cannot even wish you "good luck", because I think your feelings are so out-of-control, smothering, and ruinous, I don't think you are able to be in a functional relationship with anyone.


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

LisaDiane said:


> And it's clear from what you wrote that you are trying to tie an emotional grindstone to her neck and drown her with your feelings - whatever makes YOU feel good. ... There is NO room in your heart for her, because it's filled with your own feelings and expectations.


Yeah, your post is basically a longer version of mine (as I see it).


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Yep. This is the perfect example of what I call "addict-speak." It's all about ME, ME, ME. I want it NOW. I want it MY WAY. 

I lived with this. Which is why I left. I imagine OP's wife isn't jazzed about getting anywhere in his vicinity for a long time, if ever.

ETA: He doesn't actually want anyone's advice here. He only wants us to agree with him. 'Nuff. said.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TBY1 said:


> There’s no point at all in making these changes or improvements to my life and to me if it’s not with her! Same as I didn’t marry her to get divorced!! We love each other! I’d rather be dead than spend another day without her


Omg..... you have no chance with this attitude.
And you will not change if it’s not for you.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Is she still seeing the om?


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

TBY1 said:


> This includes, no more XBOX


Did you think this through all the way? Xbox is pretty awesome!


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I want to tell you something, as a woman, texting and chatting with other women is devastating to a female. I would accept my husband meeting a stranger and sleeping with her, over a phone full of female friends that he chats to, sends silly songs to, memes, emojis, good mornings and good nights. People can cry and say it’s innocent, and the men can plead the ‘she’s just a friend’ all they like. What you’re doing is the early stages of dating. Shopping around. 

But when a woman beside you is fading like a flower while your face lights up with every ‘ting’ on your phone, and that ‘friend’ is hanging out somewhere, or on her way to work, and she sees your funny message and smiles… that woman feels amazing. 

You have low self esteem and you like to make other women feel amazing. Just with the dance of your fingers. It is devastating. 

How many times did she bring up this issue of you and all of your female friends? 

Could you explain to me, not her, why? Without the loaded emotion. Don’t talk about her, tell me about the other women. How many? What was so special about them that you went out of your way to light up their lives?


----------



## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Someone else shouldn’t be your “everything” that you can’t live without. That’s unhealthy and it’s not something that anyone else can live up to. It’s an enormous pressure on a relationship and quite frankly that kind of neediness is unattractive. And I say that as someone who has done that to someone else before and been with someone who was like that with me. Is this your first or only serious relationship so far? Maybe that’s why you’re acting so desperate.


----------



## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

I started typing, but I can't get the words down adequately. This is beyond what I can address right now, but I'm waiting for an answer to LuckyLucky.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Also, I would say that your self-esteem is very high, too high in fact. So high, that you believe yourself to be so invincible that you can break her like this and wear her down and take away her sense of feeling like a beautiful, adored woman. It takes a huge ego to do this. You believe yourself to be superior, you don’t chat to women because of low self esteem. In your eyes you are King. In her eyes, you no longer are. And that’s what keeps you at her. 

If she comes back to you? You will get her for this.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Luckylucky said:


> you believe yourself to be so invincible that you can break her like this and wear her down and take away her sense of feeling like a beautiful, adored woman. It takes a huge ego to do this.


In A.A., ^^this^^ is referred to as a raging egomaniac with a massive inferiority complex.

What we are seeing here is a textbook case.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

The right letter goes like this: 

“I’ve sold the Xbox and put the money towards a really good haircut and some good shampoo. It feels great to take care of myself, and I’ve even been ironing all my clothes and folding them. My place looks amazing now. I haven’t had a drink for 3 weeks, it’s hard, but I’ve filled the time with jogging. It keeps me off the phone too. I got a job too! It doesn’t pay a lot, but the people are great, lots of young people and a few kindly old men, you would love them. The boss is great, he’s got three kids and his wife comes in and brings lunch and his face lights up. Sometimes we all sit together in the lunch room, it’s so different, I feel so happy. I had a very very hard time staying off the drugs. I went back a couple of times, I’m ashamed to say it, I am struggling. But I’ve let my family know, and I’m seeing my GP regularly. They’re holding me accountable and for the first time I feel ok telling people when I stuff up. It’s always going to be hard, but the lying and hiding part is over. As soon as I’ve used, I’ve told someone. No excuses either, I just come out and tell them and I’m ok with the disappointment and anger. I need it, I’m not angry at them. 

What have you been up to? Is your hair still long? Same colour? I remember the way it used to smell and how you would have a bad hair day and we’d be late all the time, ha! You could never have a bad hair day, it doesn’t matter whether you pulled it up or wore it out, you always looked beautiful. I hope things are going well for you. Have you seen anything good on Netflix lately?”

You see that letter? It’s an action letter. And remembering the person she was. 

Your letter is a threatening list of promises and excuses and demands.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Luckylucky said:


> *Also, I would say that your self-esteem is very high, too high in fact. So high, that you believe yourself to be so invincible that you can break her like this and wear her down and take away her sense of feeling like a beautiful, adored woman. *


That's not 'self-esteem.'

That's called "*delusion*."


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

An addict and a cheater: great combo.


----------



## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

That vomit inducing letter was insufferable. I hope she stopped after the first sentenced and repurposed it for toilet paper.

You require serious therapy with someone trained in man building.


----------

