# How do you reject her nicely?



## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hey guys, a situation has come a few times recently where I met a girl on Tinder or online, chatted/texted, and we got along great, but in person, within moments of seeing her I was instantly turned off by her body. 

It really didn't matter what she said, how cool she was, how pretty her face was and so forth. Within moments of seeing her I knew in the back of my mind it wouldn't work out. I really do need to be with someone who takes care of their body. 

What do you do when this happens? Do you straight out tell her the truth? Do you sit down and go on the date anyways? 

I recently went on a date with a girl and this happened. I didn't know how to tell her so I didn't and I just feel like ignoring texts is immature and there has got to be a better way. I ended up staying for the date, leading her on, and well she was really hurt in the end. 

So yeah. What's the best way to tell or show a woman that you are not interested?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

This response works for both men and women. You tell them "I enjoyed hanging out, but I'm afraid the spark just wasn't there for me. I wish you all the best".

FWIW, don't know what sort of first meet you had with this girl but you might want to consider meeting for the first time over a cup of coffee for 30 minutes instead of committing yourself to a 1 or 2 hour "date".


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I'm with Lila, I'd keep it at a drink or a cup of coffee, much easier to extend one of those situations or cut them really short. Plus it is easier to extricate yourself if you aren't attracted at all.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

ask for more photos first?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ReidWright said:


> ask for more photos first?


And their BMI!


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## chris007 (Jul 15, 2015)

Yes, I agree with previous posters. Easy out type of first date is always a great idea, and being straight forward, telling the other person "you seem like a nice person, but im afraid there isn't enough chemistry/connection etc" is the proper way out.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> And their BMI!


"Would an average size rowboat support you without capsizing?"


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Just put in your dating profile you only date women you can bench-press, and have an I.Q. higher than their weight.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Watch out for the Myspace angle shots.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Thx everyone. Good ideas. I always thought going for a coffee and going for a bite were both considered dates, but leaning towards the time saver for the first encounter is definitely a smarter move. 

I've broken a lot of hearts on the count of continuing dates and having sex with women I know I wasn't interested in. I don't know why I do that. I guess I get horny and lack self-control and I also change my mind a lot. It's something I decided to stop doing, so I am upping up my game in terms of walking away instead of letting it drag on. 

Would you ever outright tell a girl it was because of her weight, jokes aside?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> Would you ever outright tell a girl it was because of her weight, jokes aside?


Sure, if you want to walk away neutered.

Reminds me of this story:

The Flawless Response This Woman Had To A Dude Who Told Her She Needed To Lose Weight

ETA: Pragmaster: how would you feel if your first date told you you were just too dang short?

Don't be 'that guy.'


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

pragmaster said:


> Would you ever outright tell a girl it was because of her weight, jokes aside?


But why would you need to though? If you meet her and are not attracted to her then just don't ask for a second date. If she calls you to ask for a second date just decline graciously. If she persists or demands a reason, and a "no spark for me" isn't good enough for her just tell her you don't like pushy women. And why would you criticize someone you don't even know?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Southerners have an expression, "Don't be ugly!" That's got nothing to do with looks and everything to do with behavior. There's pretty much never a reason to be hurtful, demeaning, rude, or otherwise act ugly to someone you've just met. 

So, no, it's not okay to clap eyes on someone for the first time, tell them "sorry, but your weight's a problem for me", and leave. A first date is a commitment for at least a half hour of your time in which to drink a cup of coffee or a beer. Nothing more. You've likely shared a bus seat or a plane ride with folks you didn't like for longer than that, without feeling a need to tell them they were fat or ugly or unpleasant. So don't do it to dates you've just met either. If the person you met didn't do it for you, don't go out with them again. If a reason is required, simply say you didn't feel a connection and wish them well. There's never a reason, or an excuse, to be rude.

And don't make dates with women who don't have full-length pictures on their profiles. If you can do it gracefully, it's fine to determine the age of profile pictures: "Hey, that one shot of you in the blue dress is stunning! When was that taken?" It's also fine to express that you're looking for a fit, athletic, partner if that's your thing. I'm not a fitness buff and am a size 8-10 at 5'8", so I steer clear of guys who say that because I know they're not looking for me. In general, filtering a little better before you set up meetings might be worth your while.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

My answer depends. Over the period of 100 or so first meetings through online dating I gradually became less and less tolerant of women who would lie and deceive about thier appearance or weight in thier profile. So if they showed up and we didn't click or I didn't find her attractive after 30 min then we would just end the date and that would be the end of it. If they showed up not looking like her photos or clearly not as they described in thier profile I would just turn around and walk out. Now if they wanted to play dumb and ask why I was leaving I would tell them the truth.

I have two female friends who do the same thing. If people lie they deserve no respect my opinion. If you just don't click then just say thanks but don't feel the connection and leave it at that.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

pragmaster said:


> Hey guys, a situation has come a few times recently where I met a girl on Tinder or online, chatted/texted, and we got along great, but in person, within moments of seeing her I was instantly turned off by her body.
> 
> It really didn't matter what she said, how cool she was, how pretty her face was and so forth. Within moments of seeing her I knew in the back of my mind it wouldn't work out. I really do need to be with someone who takes care of their body.
> 
> ...


"You seem great, but I'm not interested."

You went on one date, man. Stop acting like you're breaking up.

If she asks why, tell her that her photo was misleading.

PS: people know exactly what differences in expectations people are going to be surprised at with tinder or other dating stuff. People post pictures that are often very different than they actually are.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> My answer depends. Over the period of 100 or so first meetings through online dating I gradually became less and less tolerant of women who would lie and deceive about thier appearance or weight in thier profile. So if they showed up and we didn't click or I didn't find her attractive after 30 min then we would just end the date and that would be the end of it. If they showed up not looking like her photos or clearly not as they described in thier profile I would just turn around and walk out. Now if they wanted to play dumb and ask why I was leaving I would tell them the truth.
> 
> I have two female friends who do the same thing. If people lie they deserve no respect my opinion. If you just don't click then just say thanks but don't feel the connection and leave it at that.


People often have deeply distorted self perception though, many people I know would say they are thin but in reality are overweight, even I myself was in baldness denial for a long time, AFAICT I had a full head of hair and the camera was just lying whenever the back of my head was in a frame. Standing up a date is rude, and there is a real chance you are causing harm to someone who may just want a chance to sit and talk with someone new even if there is no chance of it leading to a relationship or anything sexual. You don't know if someone is a liar until you actually let them open their mouth.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

As far as telling a girl you are not into her, just be a man and tell her that you enjoy her attention but that you do not feel any chemistry and do not want to lead her on thinking that you want more. 

I'll also share with you my trick that I used to determine what girl was a keeper, and that is to masturbate excessively BEFORE going out on a date. The result is that pretty much all women will look unappetizing, but if you find a woman that you actually still enjoy hanging out with while you are in this state, then she is the one! 

Other readers on this forum refer to my technique as "mate selection through ejaculatory excess." I did this in college when I met my wife over twenty years ago and had a blast hanging out with her while doing this experiment. I love her more today than I did back then and we have a wonderful marriage. 

Good luck, 
Badsanta


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

In her post below, Rowan demonstrates the universal appeal of class, kindness and intelligence. 





Rowan said:


> Southerners have an expression, "Don't be ugly!" That's got nothing to do with looks and everything to do with behavior. There's pretty much never a reason to be hurtful, demeaning, rude, or otherwise act ugly to someone you've just met.
> 
> So, no, it's not okay to clap eyes on someone for the first time, tell them "sorry, but your weight's a problem for me", and leave. A first date is a commitment for at least a half hour of your time in which to drink a cup of coffee or a beer. Nothing more. You've likely shared a bus seat or a plane ride with folks you didn't like for longer than that, without feeling a need to tell them they were fat or ugly or unpleasant. So don't do it to dates you've just met either. If the person you met didn't do it for you, don't go out with them again. If a reason is required, simply say you didn't feel a connection and wish them well. There's never a reason, or an excuse, to be rude.
> 
> And don't make dates with women who don't have full-length pictures on their profiles. If you can do it gracefully, it's fine to determine the age of profile pictures: "Hey, that one shot of you in the blue dress is stunning! When was that taken?" It's also fine to express that you're looking for a fit, athletic, partner if that's your thing. I'm not a fitness buff and am a size 8-10 at 5'8", so I steer clear of guys who say that because I know they're not looking for me. In general, filtering a little better before you set up meetings might be worth your while.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Lon said:


> People often have deeply distorted self perception though, many people I know would say they are thin but in reality are overweight, even I myself was in baldness denial for a long time, AFAICT I had a full head of hair and the camera was just lying whenever the back of my head was in a frame. Standing up a date is rude, and there is a real chance you are causing harm to someone who may just want a chance to sit and talk with someone new even if there is no chance of it leading to a relationship or anything sexual. You don't know if someone is a liar until you actually let them open their mouth.


If someone has a picture from 10 years ago that they are purposely passing off as just taken they know damn well they are lying. Or 50lbs ago. 

I don't date to have friends I date to find relationships. That included the physical attraction part. Now if they legitimately want friendship only then be honest and show your real self. My best friend female is overweight. We never dated but she never lied about it either. 

If you are starting off any relationship with a lie then I know up front we aren't compatible. I don't believe for a second that people don't know what they are. If they are in denial then that's something she should definitely work on. The women I met who lied weren't in denial about anything


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

badsanta said:


> "mate selection through ejaculatory excess."


This sounds like an excellent multi-decade study to conduct in conjunction with the National Marriage Project and Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values.

I'm writing up the proposal as I speak!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> If you are starting off any relationship with a lie then I know up front we aren't compatible. I don't believe for a second that people don't know what they are. If they are in denial then that's something she should definitely work on. The women I met who lied weren't in denial about anything


My point though, was that you are assuming they are lying. Likely they are lying and you would be incompatible but that doesn't excuse you from being a jerk by standing them up. I'm merely suggesting that if you felt your time was wasted by going to meet them then that's all on you since you didn't even sit down and face them. If you are a person of your word at least give them the time you said you would and THEN you can put the blame on them for wasting you time, and next time pick your dates more carefully.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Up until like 2-3 months ago and for the most of my life, if someone declined to date me because of my height I would get mad, defensive, then sad, but now it just seems logical and I have to agree with them. That's cool, move on. You certainly can find a man who is taller (although maybe not as awesome) and when I say that it has no reflection on my own confidence or self-worth. I am pretty picky too. I mean, aren't we all entitled to get what we exactly want? Maybe that's just my punk generation . A lot of the people my age (mid twenties) have this inflated sense of self-entitlement, and so do I. 

I would never call someone fat or treat them differently based on their appearances..but I have a different issue here and I don't know how else to express it other then saying, I find myself having misogynist and manipulative tendencies and not knowing why or where they come from and why I continue to do them. I asked a friend and he said; "well it's because they are easy". That's when I thought to myself, you know, I am going to ask the people of TAM because clearly I am not getting the feedback I really need from my friends, who I think also happen to be misogynists.

My problem is that more often then not, I go on dates with women, find out what they are about or see them for the first time, then I realize I am not as interested as I thought BUT THEN STILL ATTEMPT to have sex with them anyways. It's like, when I see that they are not my type, I don't care anymore either way. They become strangers and frankly I don't care at all about strangers. Love or hate me, that's the truth and I need help changing this perspective and I think understanding where that stems from will help. 

Sorry for digressing the topic, but this just came to mind. I got the answer from the first question. 

Thanks!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Lon said:


> My point though, was that you are assuming they are lying. Likely they are lying and you would be incompatible but that doesn't excuse you from being a jerk by standing them up. I'm merely suggesting that if you felt your time was wasted by going to meet them then that's all on you since you didn't even sit down and face them. If you are a person of your word at least give them the time you said you would and THEN you can put the blame on them for wasting you time, and next time pick your dates more carefully.


Thanks I do pick them carefully and let them know what I am looking for. If you want to sit and have a date with a member of the opposite sex who you believe decieved you thats on you. I prefer to spend my time on those who care to be honest. It seems like you keep wanting to spin this that I'm the jerk as you call it. When people purposely put up pictures from 10 years ago or claim they are thin when in fact hey are obese they are lying.

For the record this is a small number we are talking. I have only walked flat out on 4 women. All four, but for different reasons, looked so different from what they described or had looked like in photgraphs that I was right infront of them and didnt recognize them. They knew what they were doing.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

pragmaster said:


> Thx everyone. Good ideas. I always thought going for a coffee and going for a bite were both considered dates, but leaning towards the time saver for the first encounter is definitely a smarter move.
> 
> I've broken a lot of hearts on the count of continuing dates and having sex with women I know I wasn't interested in. I don't know why I do that. I guess I get horny and lack self-control and I also change my mind a lot. It's something I decided to stop doing, so I am upping up my game in terms of walking away instead of letting it drag on.
> 
> Would you ever outright tell a girl it was because of her weight, jokes aside?


I have done so, and would do it again.

Attraction is what it is.

But only when pressured to provide an explanation as to why. I've had it happen a few times.

"I just don't feel that way about you. I think you're a great person, but I don't see us going anywhere"

"But... why?"

"Chemistry is what it is, I'm sorry."

"But... is it something I said?"

"No, it's nothing you said. Can we just be friends?"

"It must be something I did... please tell me so I can fix it and we can try again!"

"It's nothing you did. You're an awesome person. You deserve to be with someone that appreciates that in you."

"You just don't like me!" (Tears)

"I just don't think we're compatible. I should probably go."

"JUST TELL ME WHY! I'M FAT, ISN'T THAT IT? You're not leaving until you man up and tell me!"

"I'm just not attracted to you that way. Yes, you're weight is part of it. As is the fact that you described your appearance completely differently than it is. I'm sorry. Goodbye."

Paraphrasing real conversations.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> Up until like 2-3 months ago and for the most of my life, if someone declined to date me because of my height I would get mad, defensive, then sad, but now it just seems logical and I have to agree with them. That's cool, move on. You certainly can find a man who is taller (although maybe not as awesome) and when I say that it has no reflection on my own confidence or self-worth. I am pretty picky too. I mean, aren't we all entitled to get what we exactly want? Maybe that's just my punk generation
> 
> 
> 
> ...


When you do that to women do they know that you're not interested in them? That you are only interested in sex? That seems somehow dishonest to me.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> I have only walked flat out on 4 women. All four, but for different reasons, looked so different from what they described or had looked like in photgraphs that I was right infront of them and didnt recognize them.


If you didn't recognize them, how do you know you walked out on them


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Constable Odo said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > I have only walked flat out on 4 women. All four, but for different reasons, looked so different from what they described or had looked like in photgraphs that I was right infront of them and didnt recognize them.
> ...



The funniest one was standing infront of me and I was looking right past her. And she is, course in a nasty tone, saying hey hello I'm right here waving her arms. So I'm looking at a woman 5'5 easy 180lbs with reddish black hair. What my date was pictured like in the profile was late 20's blonde 5'5 130ish. She said this picture was taken a week ago lol. And hand to god my puzzled look followed by "who are you" sealed that deal on that one.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Thanks I do pick them carefully and let them know what I am looking for. If you want to sit and have a date with a member of the opposite sex who you believe decieved you thats on you. I prefer to spend my time on those who care to be honest. It seems like you keep wanting to spin this that I'm the jerk as you call it. When people purposely put up pictures from 10 years ago or claim they are thin when in fact hey are obese they are lying.
> 
> For the record this is a small number we are talking. I have only walked flat out on 4 women. All four, but for different reasons, looked so different from what they described or had looked like in photgraphs that I was right infront of them and didnt recognize them. They knew what they were doing.


I'm not saying spend your time putting up with people that have wronged you, but if you say you are going to meet, then follow through - that's the risk you take when meeting someone new. I'm not saying you were a jerk but you were far from a gentleman. And if you can count it as a time you stood them up then by logic you did recognize them. At least show up, say hello and if you know you were duped then excuse yourself right away. "Hi, your appearance is nothing at all like you described, I will save us both any further time and excuse myself from this date, goodbye"

Of course, it's a free world and you can do as you like, but for me I've never walked flat out on anyone - it would go against my honour to stand up someone cold like that, not because I wasn't wronged but because I tend to want to leave things better than when I find them. If I'm at the beach and I see trash laying near a garbage bin I will put it in the bin, because I like clean beaches. If I meet someone that feels the need to be deceptive I will try to enlighten them because I like honest people.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> The funniest one was standing infront of me and I was looking right past her. And she is, course in a nasty tone, saying hey hello I'm right here waving her arms. So I'm looking at a woman 5'5 easy 180lbs with reddish black hair. What my date was pictured like in the profile was late 20's blonde 5'5 130ish. She said this picture was taken a week ago lol. And hand to god my puzzled look followed by "who are you" sealed that deal on that one.


In that case it's easy, but at least you didn't flat out walk without facing her. So it's only 3 women you've flat out stood up then.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you would dismiss a perfectly acceptable, maybe even incredible woman over a few extra pounds, maybe you should consider some self-examination. I like a woman with a great body, too, but appearances can (and probably will) change. They can be eating nuts and berries and be an exercise freak and still have an injury or illness that leaves them looking very different. You can too, by the way. I'd be careful about putting too much stock in physical appearance. Do you really want Miss Health Freak who judges others primarily by their outward appearance? Maybe you look great today but what happens to your relationship if you have a little misfortune and can't regularly hit the gym or maybe you're missing a leg or two? Maybe your carefully sculpted body gets all scarred up. Whatever a 30 year old looks like today, she's going to look very different when she's 90. If she's evil today, she'll probably still be evil at 90, however. She'll just have more experience at it. You might drink enough coffee with someone to explore their character before chunking them to the curb.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Lon said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > The funniest one was standing infront of me and I was looking right past her. And she is, course in a nasty tone, saying hey hello I'm right here waving her arms. So I'm looking at a woman 5'5 easy 180lbs with reddish black hair. What my date was pictured like in the profile was late 20's blonde 5'5 130ish. She said this picture was taken a week ago lol. And hand to god my puzzled look followed by "who are you" sealed that deal on that one.
> ...


I never said I didn't face any of them. That was your assumption. I left because they misrepresented so I told them I was leaving.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> Up until like 2-3 months ago and for the most of my life, if someone declined to date me because of my height I would get mad, defensive, then sad, but now it just seems logical and I have to agree with them. That's cool, move on. You certainly can find a man who is taller (although maybe not as awesome) and when I say that it has no reflection on my own confidence or self-worth. I am pretty picky too. I mean, aren't we all entitled to get what we exactly want? Maybe that's just my punk generation . A lot of the people my age (mid twenties) have this inflated sense of self-entitlement, and so do I.
> 
> I would never call someone fat or treat them differently based on their appearances..but I have a different issue here and I don't know how else to express it other then saying, I find myself having misogynist and manipulative tendencies and not knowing why or where they come from and why I continue to do them. I asked a friend and he said; "well it's because they are easy". That's when I thought to myself, you know, I am going to ask the people of TAM because clearly I am not getting the feedback I really need from my friends, who I think also happen to be misogynists.
> 
> ...


You are a misogynist, you don't like or respect women so how about just leaving them alone.

You want a high quality women but the irony is that any high quality woman will not tolerate a misogynist.

Maybe get yourself fixed and leave the poor women of the world alone.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> I never said I didn't face any of them. That was your assumption. I left because they misrepresented so I told them I was leaving.


I apologize, I read the "If they showed up not looking like her photos or clearly not as they described in thier profile I would just turn around and walk out" part, missed that you said if they asked why you'd tell them.

I have known a few guys that as soon as they see them in person, in under one second just leave with no words exchanged. Thought that was what you were talking about.

I was pretty much advocating for what you were doing then


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Lon said:


> I apologize, I read the "If they showed up not looking like her photos or clearly not as they described in thier profile I would just turn around and walk out" part, missed that you said if they asked why you'd tell them.
> 
> *I have known a few guys that as soon as they see them in person, in under one second just leave with no words exchanged. Thought that was what you were talking about.
> *
> I was pretty much advocating for what you were doing then


I would not have the guts to do that. There were a few that I would have liked to have just turn around and walk but I'm too soft.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> Thx everyone. Good ideas. I always thought going for a coffee and going for a bite were both considered dates, but leaning towards the time saver for the first encounter is definitely a smarter move.
> 
> I've broken a lot of hearts on the count of continuing dates and having sex with women I know I wasn't interested in. I don't know why I do that. I guess I get horny and lack self-control and I also change my mind a lot. It's something I decided to stop doing, so I am upping up my game in terms of walking away instead of letting it drag on.
> 
> Would you ever outright tell a girl it was because of her weight, jokes aside?





Seek some serious psychological help. Shame on you, using women like that. Who do you think you are?


Hell no you don't tell them it is because of their weight. How would you like it if a woman told you it was because your penis was not big enough, or some other thing?


Look, it is okay to prefer a certain body type, but you are being a jackass about it, really. Why don't you post that you prefer only this size of female and ask for photos. It is honest, at least.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> My answer depends. Over the period of 100 or so first meetings through online dating I gradually became less and less tolerant of women who would lie and deceive about thier appearance or weight in thier profile. So if they showed up and we didn't click or I didn't find her attractive after 30 min then we would just end the date and that would be the end of it. If they showed up not looking like her photos or clearly not as they described in thier profile I would just turn around and walk out. Now if they wanted to play dumb and ask why I was leaving I would tell them the truth.
> 
> I have two female friends who do the same thing. If people lie they deserve no respect my opinion. If you just don't click then just say thanks but don't feel the connection and leave it at that.


 Because two wrongs make a right? Yeah, you should still show you have class even if they do not.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

unbelievable said:


> If you would dismiss a perfectly acceptable, maybe even incredible woman over a few extra pounds, maybe you should consider some self-examination.[...]You might drink enough coffee with someone to explore their character before chunking them to the curb.


My friend Dani (redhead, "party girl", who, in her 20's, was absolutely smoking hot, now, in her 40's not so much so, due to years of sun and alcohol abuse) used to have a saying, which, I paraphrase: 

"I'm not going to sleep with a man who makes me want to projectile vomit when I think of him sweaty and grunting on top of me."

All new relationships are principally physical in nature, as sexual attraction is principally physical. Or, at least, not disqualifying, as defined by the Dani Principle. While a man's appearance doesn't necessarily have to be "hot", it has to be at least acceptable as to not be disqualifying.

To be fair, I think this holds true for most men as well, although, as creatures that rely on visual cues of a woman's fertility and health that instinctively form the basis of our mate selection, we're likely more harsh in this area than a woman is.

When you are in a room full of men, and find yourself attracted to one of them, that attraction is mainly physical, or situational (e.g. how the man handles himself) because you have no idea whether or not you'll find his personality attractive until you interact for a prolonged period of time.




Lon said:


> I apologize, I read the "If they showed up not looking like her photos or clearly not as they described in thier profile I would just turn around and walk out" part, missed that you said if they asked why you'd tell them


I do not think most men would have the testicular fortitude to admit to it, despite (I suspect) most having done so at some point in their dating history.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> If you would dismiss a perfectly acceptable, maybe even incredible woman over a few extra pounds, maybe you should consider some self-examination. I like a woman with a great body, too, but appearances can (and probably will) change. They can be eating nuts and berries and be an exercise freak and still have an injury or illness that leaves them looking very different. You can too, by the way. I'd be careful about putting too much stock in physical appearance. Do you really want Miss Health Freak who judges others primarily by their outward appearance? Maybe you look great today but what happens to your relationship if you have a little misfortune and can't regularly hit the gym or maybe you're missing a leg or two? Maybe your carefully sculpted body gets all scarred up. Whatever a 30 year old looks like today, she's going to look very different when she's 90. If she's evil today, she'll probably still be evil at 90, however. She'll just have more experience at it. You might drink enough coffee with someone to explore their character before chunking them to the curb.


Well said.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> Hey guys, a situation has come a few times recently where I met a girl on Tinder or online, chatted/texted, and we got along great, but in person, within moments of seeing her I was instantly turned off by her body.
> 
> It really didn't matter what she said, how cool she was, how pretty her face was and so forth. Within moments of seeing her I knew in the back of my mind it wouldn't work out. I really do need to be with someone who takes care of their body.
> 
> ...


Fitness and body shape in general would be important to me as well so I'm sure I'd be asking the same questions. Plus I really don't like hurting anyone's feelings which would make it difficult. I understand we all like to post flattering pictures but if the pictures are too far from the real thing then it's just not a smart thing for people to do. My advice would be to key on hobbies and activities. Make sure you see things like (I love hiking, running, working out, swimming, etc) someone on the profile or chat a few times before trying to meet just on can canned profile.

I like what Lila and others posted about how to be tactful. Even better though is to reduce the odds of having to be tactful.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Froggi said:


> Because two wrongs make a right? Yeah, you should still show you have class even if they do not.


Sorry it's wrong to not be interested in someone who lied on thier profile how exactly?


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Holland said:


> *You are a misogynist*, you don't like or respect women so how about just leaving them alone.
> 
> You want a high quality women but the irony is that any *high quality woman will not tolerate a misogynist.*
> 
> *Maybe get yourself fixed and leave the poor women of the world alone.*


Agreed. Nothing else needs to be said other than the fact that most people afflicted with personality disorders never see that the root of the issue lies within themselves...They only see the fault(s) in others. Prags personality issues have been discussed before and he has acknowledged them....and has done absolutely nothing about it.

How do I know? I'm immersed in heavy therapy both group and individual to fix "me"...Prag believes he is already "fixed" and nothing can be further from the truth.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

My wife and I fell in love with each other (long distance relationship) long before we ever met in person. I fell in love with her brain after endless phone conversations. We talked about everything for months on end.

Our first date was while I was on layover for an hour at LAX. She picked me up at the terminal and we parked in the parking garage. She is overweight, but our first date after months of talking was mind blowing...*giggle*


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Pragmaster said*: *I've broken a lot of hearts on the count of continuing dates and having sex with women I know I wasn't interested in. *I don't know why I do that. I guess I get horny and lack self-control and I also change my mind a lot. It's something I decided to stop doing, so I am upping up my game in terms of walking away instead of letting it drag on.





> *I go on dates with women, find out what they are about or see them for the first time, then I realize I am not as interested as I thought BUT THEN STILL ATTEMPT to have sex with them anyways. It's like, when I see that they are not my type, I don't care anymore either way. They become strangers and frankly I don't care at all about strangers. Love or hate me, that's the truth and I need help changing this perspective and I think understanding where that stems from will help.*




The Pragmasters of our world is just another "heads up"...You can't read a MAN upon just meeting him, don't be gullible.... hormones win / BS speaks over conscience or care... nothing else is there.. take it S L O W .... don't be jumping into Bed so quickly ... it's not worth it.. Hearing the truth of how some feel after the fact... heck even during...very disheartening...but not at all surprising.. You can weed a misogynist out, not allowing him to take from you.. but you wont change him by being so easy... it fuels his fire. 

Though it's good you are seeking to change this behavior.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Though it's good you are seeking to change this behavior.


I'm not at all sure that's entirely the case. He seems to be talking about wishing his behavior was different - and has been over numerous threads for several months now. That's a fair stretch from actually seeking to change it....


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Lon said:


> I'm not saying spend your time putting up with people that have wronged you, but if you say you are going to meet, then follow through - that's the risk you take when meeting someone new. I'm not saying you were a jerk but you were far from a gentleman. And if you can count it as a time you stood them up then by logic you did recognize them. At least show up, say hello and if you know you were duped then excuse yourself right away. "Hi, your appearance is nothing at all like you described, I will save us both any further time and excuse myself from this date, goodbye"
> 
> Of course, it's a free world and you can do as you like, but for me I've never walked flat out on anyone - it would go against my honour to stand up someone cold like that, not because I wasn't wronged but because I tend to want to leave things better than when I find them. If I'm at the beach and I see trash laying near a garbage bin I will put it in the bin, because I like clean beaches. If I meet someone that feels the need to be deceptive I will try to enlighten them because I like honest people.


I do this too! (never walking out on someone and picking up trash). We'd get along!


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Rowan said:


> I'm not at all sure that's entirely the case. He seems to be talking about wishing his behavior was different - and has been over numerous threads for several months now. That's a fair stretch from actually seeking to change it....


And this is why I almost created a new account under a different name or joined a different forum. Yesterday was a different day. Not cool and not fair of you to judge me like that man. I'm working on it and I do not have to prove myself to you or anyone. You say it's a far stretch but you have no idea what I am actually up to dude. 

Here's my permanent disclaimer: I am not always right, I do not know everything, I am not evil, I am not a user, I am not better than anybody, I do not have an answer for everything, I DO respect women, I am not perfect and I do not have a personality disorder. I am a gemini who may have SOME narcissistic tendencies but that only seems to happen when I smoke pot. Frankly everyone has narcissistic tendencies too. I smoke quite a bit and that stuff makes me cloudy and think a lot, and digress a lot, and doubt myself and really I should just stop getting baked and posting random stuff on forums. I actually do bi-weekly therapy at the moment and so yeah, the comment about not actually doing anything is ignorant as faaak, although in retrospect I don't blame you. Lol. 

-I've never called a woman anything horrible and never would.
-I have several good women friends who only have good things to say about me. And I hide nothing from them fyi. 
-I never peep women or cat call. 
-I have no difficulty talking to or approaching women. 
-I do get impatient and am prone to impulse behavior. This is something I am working on. This is my biggest thing right now. I tend to jump into relationships with women I am not that interested in and spend money foolishly. If there is any sort of "disorder" or psychological issue to work on it's this. 
-I love my European mother. If anything I have some sister issues to work on. 
-Am I against feminism? No. I support gender equality 100%. The only thing I think is a tad silly is how mad some get when you say things like "mankind", but I still get it. 
-Do I joke about rape or sexual abuse? No.
***-I have NEVER rejected a woman based on her appearance (and this is the whole point of the thread because part of me wants to start doing so because of past experiences). 

ANYWAYS, a friend had an excellent idea the other day. He said just stop having sex. Go celibate for a year. Has anyone ever done this? I don't NEED sex, but I've always seized the opportunity when available.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

And no I am not mad or being defensive. Just trying to clarify


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

pragmaster said:


> And no I am not mad or being defensive. Just trying to clarify


So you like the person you are when you are not smoking pot, your only negative qualities (narcissism and misogyny) tend to come out only when you smoke pot.

Can you spot the easy solution to self improvement there? (and no, it's not quitting sex, though if you think that would help then give it a try too)


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Absolutely. I do need to quit.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Sorry it's wrong to not be interested in someone who lied on thier profile how exactly?


I am sorry. You misunderstood. What I meant was that you don't have to be rude about it. Use some manners, even if they lied. Don't blast them and be nasty. 


Class.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Froggi said:


> I am sorry. You misunderstood. What I meant was that you don't have to be rude about it. Use some manners, even if they lied. Don't blast them and be nasty.
> 
> 
> Class.


And I said I blast them and I'm nasty where? Or just more speculation on your part


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> And I said I blast them and I'm nasty where? Or just more speculation on your part




Yes it is a conspiracy I tell ya! 


Seriously, all I am saying is to be nice when you reject the person. That is all. I am sure you are the epitome of grace and utter refinement.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Froggi said:


> Yes it is a conspiracy I tell ya!
> 
> 
> *Seriously, all I am saying is to be nice when you reject the person. That is all. *I am sure you are the epitome of grace and utter refinement.


Then probably best not to directly quote others when making such statements. Especially when I never said otherwise and agree. I would say I have much more class than lying to get a date. Never had to do that :wink2:


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Prag,

This is BY FAR the smartest and most important thing you've ever posted here. 





pragmaster said:


> Absolutely. I do need to quit.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

One thing I find fascinating about people that believe in astrology is that the horoscopes are all wrong. Due to stellar precession, they are all off by at least one "sign" or more since they were originally conceived more than two thousand years ago.

But, of course, as an aquarius I'm prone to such fascinations.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

marduk said:


> One thing I find fascinating about people that believe in astrology is that the horoscopes are all wrong. Due to stellar precession, they are all off by at least one "sign" or more since they were originally conceived more than two thousand years ago.
> 
> But, of course, as an aquarius I'm prone to such fascinations.


Is this true? I didn't know that lol.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

marduk said:


> One thing I find fascinating about people that believe in astrology is that the horoscopes are all wrong. Due to stellar precession, they are all off by at least one "sign" or more since they were originally conceived more than two thousand years ago.
> 
> But, of course, as an aquarius I'm prone to such fascinations.


Thundarr's dictionary say
: Astrology = Disregard and abandonment of simple logic and reasoning :nerd:.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rowan isn't a dude, dude. Just sayin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Wolf1974 said:


> Is this true? I didn't know that lol.


Astrology: Why Your Zodiac Sign and Horoscope Are Wrong


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

marduk said:


> One thing I find fascinating about people that believe in astrology is that the horoscopes are all wrong. Due to stellar precession, they are all off by at least one "sign" or more since they were originally conceived more than two thousand years ago.
> 
> But, of course, as an aquarius I'm prone to such fascinations.


For sure dude. I think they are all off by at least one month.

All I know is when I read up all the traits for all the horoscopes and look up Gemini, it's usually me to a T. Science or coincidence; don't matter. I just thought it might be an easy way for someone to get an idea of my traits because they are remarkably on par.


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