# The light comes on...



## Ppaxton (May 16, 2011)

When i met with my wife the last time, she told me many things about how i have failed her in our marriage. (see met with my wife for the time). Since I met with her i have sat down and done some real thinking about the way i have treated her. I see now that since day one i never put her first. She has been in pain since the night of our wedding due to my selfishness, and has been crying out to me for the entire year of our marriage, and i never heard her cries. I was too busy looking at my pain, my past, my wants, my desires. I was too busy looking at myself to realize i was killling my marriage, and my wife, the one person i love most on this earth, i was destroying her soul, her mind, and crushing her spirit. Now i see. Now i see the pain i have caused. how i have crushed the woman that i love. Now that it may be too late. She still has not divorced me, though i would not stand in her way in any way if she decided to. 
I wish i could go back and say the things i have learned. I wish i could spend time listening to her, and holding her. But now this is out of my hands. She is in God's hands and i must trust Him. I wish i had not been so blind...


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Ppaxton said:


> When i met with my wife the last time, she told me many things about how i have failed her in our marriage. (see met with my wife for the time). Since I met with her i have sat down and done some real thinking about the way i have treated her. I see now that since day one i never put her first. She has been in pain since the night of our wedding due to my selfishness, and has been crying out to me for the entire year of our marriage, and i never heard her cries. I was too busy looking at my pain, my past, my wants, my desires. I was too busy looking at myself to realize i was killling my marriage, and my wife, the one person i love most on this earth, i was destroying her soul, her mind, and crushing her spirit. Now i see. Now i see the pain i have caused. how i have crushed the woman that i love. Now that it may be too late. She still has not divorced me, though i would not stand in her way in any way if she decided to.
> I wish i could go back and say the things i have learned. I wish i could spend time listening to her, and holding her. But now this is out of my hands. She is in God's hands and i must trust Him. I wish i had not been so blind...


You still can brother. Sit down with her, hold her hands lovelying and sincerly apologize for what you have done and mean it. It will take time for her to trust you emotionally so be patient and kind. Show her that you have changed. 

Good luck.


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## Ppaxton (May 16, 2011)

I really wish i could. I wish i could look into her eyes, hold her hands, and tell her the truth of my realizations, and that i finally see her pain. Unfortunately we are not at that. There is still no contact between us. 
Whether we survive this or not, I will NEVER treat another human being the way i have treated her.


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