# wife wants to get paid for housework



## Jasonoso (May 22, 2016)

Hello all, first of all sorry for my english.. 
My wife and i have been married for 6 years and live in a 3br house in NY with no kids. I am a small business owner and i pay for all the mortgage, property taxes, utility, food, cars, insurances, groceries, any and all expenses which is well over $5k/month. I also pay for my wifes school loan, her credit card debts etc and we dine out atleast 3-4 times a week which costs about atleast $80 each time. My wife doesnt work and she stays home and does dishes, laundry pretty much most of the chores for two of us.
Now, she wants to get payed 40k a year $800/week from me for her doing the most chores. She found something on google that housewives work is worth more than 50k a year and she is serious, and tells me she is giving me discount that since im paying all the bills. We have a joint account that we use and she says she doesnt want to use the money because she thinks that is my money and i always say that is our money and you can use it on whatever u want and necessary stuffs and we discuss on big purchases. I dont care on giving my wife the money she wants since i always thought whatever we have or make is ours since we are one as a couple. It is obvious that she wants her own money (that she doenst have to think about or telling me etc.) i really hate her calculating each things, whos doing more house work etc. I already told my wife about the facts( calculating) that i hate about. I never cared about whos paying for mortgages, paying all the expenses myself until now, i even hate the fact that i started calculating because of her. When my wife gets angry at me and says y arent u doing anything and not doing any house work! Most of the time i say oh sorry, but when i try to defend myself and say "i did the garbage, did vacuum that day, did this* and that* etc and paying for everything!" Then i become a cheap bastard. She always had problem that she does most of the house chores but i really suck at it and whenever i tried to help, she says please dont do it because it will not meet her expectations. We both agreed while back that i do vacuum 2 time a week and scrub the toilet but it never gets dirty since my wifes cleanliness expectations are too high that she almost everytime does it. By doing these calculations between us, our relationship is getting further away. I do not understand my wife and what to do. Is it me that whos messed up and wrong?
Any input will help! Thanks.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Tell her to get a paying job outside the home and you will start sharing the household chores 50/50, for free!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Exactly what I was thinking. Well put, lilac. 

OP. You have yourself an entitled princess that looks up bullsh1t on google to get more than everything out of her husband, rather than how to be a better wife. Entitled princess syndrome runs strong in America. 

Check her search history off and on and wait until she searches for how bad she's going to gouge you in the divorce. At least you'll have somewhat of a heads up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

Sounds like she is scared that she has lost her independence and needing to rely on you for $. She wants to know that you think she is pulling her weight and therefore not just freeloading off you. I'm not sure what the best way is to approach it to be honest but have you tried just reassuring her that you love her and that you are a family and married so therefore what's yours is also hers and that having you pay her a salary for housework would be creating a business rather than a loving relationship and you'd rather not do that. I imagine she was somewhat independant before you got married? I'm guessing this is just an independent woman having a tough time being dependant on someone else even her husband.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Does she have some money each month that she can spend without having to account to you for it?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Is your wife prepared to pay you market rates for food and accommodation?

Why doesn't she just go get herself a job?


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## wellseasoned (Jan 8, 2016)

Tell her, your working and paying the bills. She is only doing chores without paying the bills. If she wants to get paid for doing chores around the house, then divide the bills up between the both of you. 
She is not an employee, she is a wife. 
Also, as you said, money is equally shared. She has equal access to the Bank as you do. Only if a spouse shows irresponsibility with money should one spouse be the Head of the account. 

Would she be open to finding a job? Would she be open to letting a maid and or a cook come in and do these things ? These are the things I would discuss with her. 
Marriage is 100% on both sides. :smile2:


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I doubt a maid would be nearly as expensive as his wife. This woman is not thinking about independence or she'd get a job
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Next thing you know she'll be charging you for sex.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

If I had worked outside the home, everything I made would have gone to the IRS because of my husband's income. So he gave me an allowance, which I put in my own checking account (he could sign on it, but almost never did). I could buy gifts for him without his knowing what I bought, or help one of my kids without asking for the money to do so with. It gave me a little independence, and he didn't miss the money.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Lilac23 said:


> Does she have some money each month that she can spend without having to account to you for it?


^^^This is important. Does she have to go to you and ask for money? If she does, just for a moment imagine what that would be like.....not fun. 

Have you thought of opening an account, that has a set monthly allotment? That would be for her to do whatever with. That might make her feel more secure.

Otherwise, have her get a job and split the cost of a maid with her, or just pay for it...its not that expensive
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Figure up all the bills (house, cars, eating out, groceries - everything) and split it down the middle. Tell her she owes half and you will split housework but she can't complain about your way of doing things. She needs a hobby.


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

Jasonoso said:


> Hello all, first of all sorry for my english..
> My wife and i have been married for 6 years and live in a 3br house in NY with no kids. I am a small business owner and i pay for all the mortgage, property taxes, utility, food, cars, insurances, groceries, any and all expenses which is well over $5k/month. I also pay for my wifes school loan, her credit card debts etc and we dine out atleast 3-4 times a week which costs about atleast $80 each time. My wife doesnt work and she stays home and does dishes, laundry pretty much most of the chores for two of us.
> Now, she wants to get payed 40k a year $800/week from me for her doing the most chores. She found something on google that housewives work is worth more than 50k a year and she is serious, and tells me she is giving me discount that since im paying all the bills. We have a joint account that we use and she says she doesnt want to use the money because she thinks that is my money and i always say that is our money and you can use it on whatever u want and necessary stuffs and we discuss on big purchases. I dont care on giving my wife the money she wants since i always thought whatever we have or make is ours since we are one as a couple. It is obvious that she wants her own money (that she doenst have to think about or telling me etc.) i really hate her calculating each things, whos doing more house work etc. I already told my wife about the facts( calculating) that i hate about. I never cared about whos paying for mortgages, paying all the expenses myself until now, i even hate the fact that i started calculating because of her. When my wife gets angry at me and says y arent u doing anything and not doing any house work! Most of the time i say oh sorry, but when i try to defend myself and say "i did the garbage, did vacuum that day, did this* and that* etc and paying for everything!" Then i become a cheap bastard. She always had problem that she does most of the house chores but i really suck at it and whenever i tried to help, she says please dont do it because it will not meet her expectations. We both agreed while back that i do vacuum 2 time a week and scrub the toilet but it never gets dirty since my wifes cleanliness expectations are too high that she almost everytime does it. By doing these calculations between us, our relationship is getting further away. I do not understand my wife and what to do. Is it me that whos messed up and wrong?
> Any input will help! Thanks.


You don't even have children for her to take care of! What in the world does she have to be snarky about? I'd LOVE to be able to stay home and do all the household chores, prepare awesome home cooked meals and take care of my hard working husband! And she's allowed to spend YOUR money any way she wants. I don't understand what her problem is. She needs a huge dose of reality! Tell her she needs to get herself a job earning her own "allowance."


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think it almost always makes sense for married couples to combine incomes (if any) and share costs. Any other arrangement can lead to this sort of issue.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Lol. 

One word. "No."

What is she really looking for?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

No kids... So why is she home? 

You eat out 3x a week? Why? She's home, why isn't she cooking? 

What she read was about SAHM's. She's not a SAHM. A dedicated SAHM does a lot more, including budgeting to SAVE the family MONEY. Her debts (that you pay) and lack of job say she is not trying to save money. 

If she wants a salary, she can get a job.

Each of you make a list of what you do and what you pay for out of pocket, then slap it on a table and compare.

Some things that are done to maintain a home and family, you can't assign a value to. But you actually have to be doing it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

What do they say about idle hands???

Something about the devil's workshop, I believe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LOL.

Nope.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Jasonoso said:


> Hello all, first of all sorry for my english..
> My wife and i have been married for 6 years and live in a 3br house in NY with no kids. I am a small business owner and i pay for all the mortgage, property taxes, utility, food, cars, insurances, groceries, any and all expenses which is well over $5k/month. I also pay for my wifes school loan, her credit card debts etc and we dine out atleast 3-4 times a week which costs about atleast $80 each time. My wife doesnt work and she stays home and does dishes, laundry pretty much most of the chores for two of us.
> Now, she wants to get payed 40k a year $800/week from me for her doing the most chores. She found something on google that housewives work is worth more than 50k a year and she is serious, and tells me she is giving me discount that since im paying all the bills. We have a joint account that we use and she says she doesnt want to use the money because she thinks that is my money and i always say that is our money and you can use it on whatever u want and necessary stuffs and we discuss on big purchases. I dont care on giving my wife the money she wants since i always thought whatever we have or make is ours since we are one as a couple. It is obvious that she wants her own money (that she doenst have to think about or telling me etc.) i really hate her calculating each things, whos doing more house work etc. I already told my wife about the facts( calculating) that i hate about. I never cared about whos paying for mortgages, paying all the expenses myself until now, i even hate the fact that i started calculating because of her. When my wife gets angry at me and says y arent u doing anything and not doing any house work! Most of the time i say oh sorry, but when i try to defend myself and say "i did the garbage, did vacuum that day, did this* and that* etc and paying for everything!" Then i become a cheap bastard. She always had problem that she does most of the house chores but i really suck at it and whenever i tried to help, she says please dont do it because it will not meet her expectations. We both agreed while back that i do vacuum 2 time a week and scrub the toilet but it never gets dirty since my wifes cleanliness expectations are too high that she almost everytime does it. By doing these calculations between us, our relationship is getting further away. I do not understand my wife and what to do. Is it me that whos messed up and wrong?
> Any input will help! Thanks.


No apology needed for your english!!

You have no kids so she isn't a SAHM, and one of your payments is her school loan, but she isn't working and wants $800/wk *and* wants to split the housework. I think she may have confused the worth of a SAHM with that of a SAHW. 

Why did she bother with school?

I'm assuming that there is no cultural reason against a wife working and that you are not stopping her from trying to get work.

There is nothing wrong with you both having your own money to spend without having to account for it, but it needs to be in moderation.

If you are paying the bills out of a joint account then it's not the singular you paying them it's the collective you.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Now I've heard it all....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

WonkyNinja said:


> No apology needed for your english!!
> 
> You have no kids so she isn't a SAHM, and one of your payments is her school loan, but she isn't working and wants $800/wk *and* wants to split the housework. I think she may have confused the worth of a SAHM with that of a SAHW.
> 
> ...


Lol, are you serious? The "collective you"?

How can he get the collective to work on getting the "collective her" off the couch?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Well, her duties sound like that more of a butler: keeping the house clean, cooking meals, doing the shopping...

According to the internet, average pay for a butler (with 10 years experience) is around $55,000. 


So, that is the number she would start at. 

Then I would subtract out:
Half the rent/mortgage (because she lives there, butlers that live with their clients make less than the average)
Half of the food expenses (because she eats what she cooks, a butler wouldn't)
Half the utilities (because since she lives there, she consumes electricity, water, gas, etc.)
Her entire school loan becomes her problem
As does her retirement plans (she can plan her own IRA's, savings, 401(k)'s, and other retirement plans)
100% of her car payments, plus her car insurance, and the gas for her car, and the car maintenance (because it's her car)
Plus I would subtract out for any chores that I have to do (at maid prices, which is $20-$30/hour, like when you vacuumed or cleaned the garage)
Then I would subtract out all her health insurance premiums
And then as a butler, she would only get a Christmas bonus, but nothing for the birthday (I don't get a bonus on my birthday) or anniversary (I don't get a bonus for the day I first started either)
Then if she wants to go out to dinner or something, you two are going dutch. 

And after all that, I'm sure she'll realize she comes out ahead after taking all that into account. 

But...if she wants to start charging for sex, then I would reply "If you want to start charging me $200-$400/hour for sex (thank you internet for average escort/hour expense) I can just go out and actually have sex with an escort for that same amount. And not bother with foreplay, dinner/dating to get you in the mood, etc."


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she watching too much Oprah. shut the cable off.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Seriously
I'm sorry but this is crazy.
To expected to paid for contributing to your marriage. You contribute by paying the bills she contributes by doing all the chores.
I would say that if she feels like she has to ask you before making a purchase for herself I can see how she'd feel a bit humiliated.
I'd do what others have suggested and arrange for an agreed upon amount of money to be transferred to her each month for her personal expenses. If it makes her feel better I guess you could call it a pay cheque but that would mean that agree she should be paid for pulling her weight in the marriage...what a ridiculous notion. 


Sent from my iPhone


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Well, her duties sound like that more of a butler: keeping the house clean, cooking meals, doing the shopping...
> 
> According to the internet, average pay for a butler (with 10 years experience) is around $55,000.
> 
> ...


This. Put it on a piece of paper and shut her up. Not even having to care for kids - what does she DO all day? I could have all of that done and STILL have time to spare so really that would be a part time job - $22,500. No doubt some of what she does is optional i.e. flowers on the porch or new curtains. Unless you specifically ask for those types of contributions. They just cost you money because she wants them.



Broken at 20 said:


> But...if she wants to start charging for sex, then I would reply "If you want to start charging me $200-$400/hour for sex (thank you internet for average escort/hour expense) I can just go out and actually have sex with an escort for that same amount. And not bother with foreplay, dinner/dating to get you in the mood, etc."


Actually this is a wash because it's win-win. SHE gets something out of the encounter, too (I hope).

Actu


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Start charging her rent and expenses.


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## iskranetwork (Mar 6, 2016)

LadybugMomma said:


> You don't even have children for her to take care of! What in the world does she have to be snarky about? I'd LOVE to be able to stay home and do all the household chores, prepare awesome home cooked meals and take care of my hard working husband! And she's allowed to spend YOUR money any way she wants. I don't understand what her problem is. She needs a huge dose of reality! Tell her she needs to get herself a job earning her own "allowance."


I do not know if your is just insecure that you have a decent business and you are paying all the bills while she just stay at home. Why not try to give her lets see what happend... try it about a month. maybe she have something in her mind


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> ... but she can't complain about your way of doing things.


Which usually means one party does things messy and whenever they want, while the other party does double work touching up and picking up.


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## Saph_ (Jun 7, 2016)

She has no children to take care of and she expects to be paid for... Doing what exactly? Cleaning doesn't take THAT long if you keep up with yourself. 

Tell her she's nuts. If she expects that, she can get out and get a job of her own and be paid. That's completely insane.


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## Venessa Hodge (Jun 1, 2016)

This is really so weird ask her to leave and tell her that you will get a maid then she'll work for free. Lolzz


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Housework is an honored shared responsibility by all residing within it!

If there is only one breadwinner within the household, then "a nominal allowance" is certainly acceptable to those family or non-family residents not having gainful employment!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

OP, probably your wife saw some article advocating stay at home wives that they should get paid for the work that they do. 

Which of course, sadly does not take into account the "freebies" that she's already getting ...... like a roof over her head.

While I think it's important to be mindful of the value of housework; and other activities required to maintain the household ie, bill paying; negotiating better prices on important things like utilities

People / women / feminists should not lose sight of the sweet deal a stay at home wife is getting. Even my mother -- mother of 6- who has been a Stay at home since about 1964 and has never worked for a paycheck since, very unashamedly claims to be a SAHW/M is the easiest job in the world. 

I remember her saying this as we were talking about current events in 2012 in which a pundit claimed that Anne Romney had it easy. The Fox News ladies went into overdrive claiming that it is "the most important job in the world." 

OP, you may want to point out how much it costs to keep the household running whether it's cleaned up on a daily basis or not. And look at the "sources and uses" of the money that flows in and out of the household. If a "nominal allowance" as Abitrator suggests is not good enough for her, then let her know how much it would cost to hire a housekeeper and see how she likes that.


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