# Depression and families



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Anyone know what might cause depression to run in families? I understand some about genetics, but why would genetics effect so many in one family?

I have a coworker who was telling me yesterday he suffered from depression. So does his mother and both of his sisters. He did say he thought his dad did too, even though he was a rather quiet man and you couldn't always tell what might be going on with him. He also stated all of the women in his immediate family, his mother and both sisters were on depression meds, and would seek out counseling, but him and his father both chose to drink and self medicate, and do not go to counselors. He even said he wasn't sure why.

I understand depression is something that maybe can't be helped and is a real issue however, I have to wonder if some of this isn't so much about genetics as it is learned behaviors. What do you think?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I read an article about this very thing the other day. It stated its a combination of both genetics and environment. I also believe that SOME depression and can be controlled by our thought process too. I think it depends on how long one has suffered from it and how bad it might be.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It runs in families often. It's a medical condition like diabetes.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I believe it to be a medical issue but some of it does have to do with environment too. 

My mother suffered from depression. I watched her go through bouts of sulking, crying, being mad, feeling low, throwing self pitying parties etc. Most people do not want to be around someone who is always down and out, whether they can help it or not. I do think it can be an influenced kind of thing. I saw her have a "woe is me" kind of attitude in life, and while I may be prone to depression genetically, I also try to pull myself out of negative situations if possible. 

I remember that I didn't like being around her when she was low, and thinking how I didn't want to be like that. I also try to surround myself with more positive uplifting people.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Depression is medically related to the amount of seratonin being used in your brain. You get depressed when your body uses it up faster than it can be produced. You use it up when you are stressed. So, partly, I guess, behaviors have something to do with it. It's all about how you handle stress, maybe? Hypothetically, you might handle stress similar to family members. Or, maybe your seratonin production is off because it's genetic.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

It totally makes sense that there would be elements of both "nature" and "nurture" in the way depression appears and is dealt with in families.

Fundamentally, depression is a medical condition that is the result of the way that neurotransmitters in the brain are produced and absorbed. Since we're talking about the production and use of hormones, etc. in your body, it only makes sense that depression would be passed on between generations, just like a variety of other traits, conditions or diseases that you see passed through families. 

Along with that, children typically model their behavior on that of their parents, to a great extent--whether it's to follow their example or to consciously go the opposite direction. Think about things like the cycle of abuse that we see passed down from parents to kids, or even entire families that are firefighters or military or whatever. So it makes sense then too that if a child who's prone to depression see's their parent reacting one way or the other to the same kind of feelings, they'd probably learn to react similarly, particularly when it's the same sex parent.

Like in the example that Trey used about his co-worker, in his family, the girls learned from their mother how to respond to the onset of depression, but the son modeled the behavior of the father. I know in my own experience, having been raised primarily by my father, my reactions to depression are very similar to his and I've wondered for a long time about the balance of nature and nurture on that. He and I can both go literally for days without speaking when we're in a "funk". Despite the fact that we have very different kinds of depression, clinically we express it the same way--so is that just depression or how we each learned to deal with it?

It's an interesting kind of thought in a chicken-egg sort of way, isn't it?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Thanks Gypsy, your reply makes alot of sense!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

trey69 said:


> Anyone know what might cause depression to run in families? I understand some about genetics, but why would genetics effect so many in one family?


I think it runs in families because of learned behaviors more then anything. I think its very simply. Depressed people cant love. Children of depressed parents are not loved. Children internalize this and become depressed themselves.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

schizophrenia runs in families fyi
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Blanca said:


> I think it runs in families because of learned behaviors more then anything. I think its very simply. Depressed people cant love. Children of depressed parents are not loved. Children internalize this and become depressed themselves.


Oh I would disagree with this about 10,000%! Unipolar depression and bipolar disorder, with the associated depressive episodes are all over my father's side of the family and I've seen my father go through several bouts of depression. However, I've never for one minute of my life doubted that he loves me and my sister more than anything, would do anything for us and would move heaven and earth itself to keep us safe and secure. 

I would go so far as to say the fact that I know I have such unconditional love from someone has supported me through my mood swings and general life adventures far more than all my years of therapy and medication have. My "depressed parent's" love is actually a far more stable thing than that of my mother's, who's never been depressed.

To say that all depression stems from a "lack of love" does a terrible disservice to the mentally ill, to those who care about them and those who try to understand them.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

In my husband's family its genetic. His father and his father's mother had depression.

5 of the 6 kids in my husbands family have depression and 3 take meds and do well. The other 2 self medicate and probably won't be alive much longer. The other sibling has Schizophrenia and has taken meds since early adulthood and is still alive and well and living in a group home.

There are different reasons for depression, but it's a medical issue, not a "bad attitude" problem.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Blanca said:


> I think it runs in families because of learned behaviors more then anything. I think its very simply. Depressed people cant love. Children of depressed parents are not loved. Children internalize this and become depressed themselves.


I disagree with this 100% as well! My husband grew up with a mother who struggled with depression very often and saw this in her from a young age. However, he is undoubtedly capable of loving(he's the most amazing dad and husband I've ever seen) and I know his mom loves him more than anything in the world. 

In his situation, I believe it's a case of learned behavior. His mom didn't always take of herself physically and had a strong inclination to isolate herself from others. My husband does the *exact* same thing occasionally and as soon as it starts happening, he gets depressed. When he steps back up and starts working out again, eating better, and spending time with people rather than isolation, we see the depression retreat again. 

I've no doubt that depression can be genetic, but in some cases, like my husband's, I believe that it's due to learned behavior.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

*coughs*
Yeah my husband fended off taking medicines for years by eating well and exercising, but MGirl don't be surprised if your husband's brain stops producing Seratonin later in life and needs meds. Hopefully you'll help him spot it before it's a big problem.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

COGypsy said:


> However, I've never for one minute of my life doubted that he loves me and my sister more than anything, would do anything for us and would move heaven and earth itself to keep us safe and secure.





MGirl said:


> I disagree with this 100% as well! My husband grew up with a mother who struggled with depression very often and saw this in her from a young age. However, he is undoubtedly capable of loving(he's the most amazing dad and husband I've ever seen) and I know his mom loves him more than anything in the world.


as i tell my H, when people agree with me then i start to worry that im wrong...haha. but seriously, i guess im talking about severe forms of depression and not episodic or chronic ennui. those that suffer from episodic depression (even if severe) or those that have dysthymia are capable of showing and receiving love. those that live on the border of life and death continually and are simply a shadow of existence are not.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

That makes even less sense than your original statement. Depression severe enough to 'live on the border of life and death' is a learned behavior? Because they didn't get love? 

I'm happy that you can see these things in such abstractions, because clearly this isn't something you've had to experience and learn about firsthand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

COGypsy said:


> That makes even less sense than your original statement. Depression severe enough to 'live on the border of life and death' is a learned behavior? Because they didn't get love?
> 
> I'm happy that you can see these things in such abstractions, because clearly this isn't something you've had to experience and learn about firsthand.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk to someone who is severely depressed. you'll find their past is riddled with the most depressing events and people- parents mostly. 

my dad committed suicide when i was 16. my mother tried before i was born. my brother has tried three times. i wouldnt say my views are entirely abstract.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Everyone's experience is different. Depression, as a social behavior manifests itself as anger turned inward. The degree to which one suffers that and the extremes to which one suffers is largely medical. The triggers are not. 

Does that make it clear?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Runs like Dog said:


> Everyone's experience is different. Depression, as a social behavior manifests itself as anger turned inward. The degree to which one suffers that and the extremes to which one suffers is largely medical. The triggers are not.
> 
> Does that make it clear?


I'd agree with that.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

SaffronPower said:


> *coughs*
> Yeah my husband fended off taking medicines for years by eating well and exercising, but MGirl don't be surprised if your husband's brain stops producing Seratonin later in life and needs meds. Hopefully you'll help him spot it before it's a big problem.


Hopefully that won't happen, but I am aware of it. Thank you for mentioning it


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

And oh if the doc doesn't mention it, don't EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER stop taking them cold turkey. 

NEVER. Under any circumstances.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

I think its a medical issue as well, however I agree too, it can be a learned behavior. I do think some people are more prone to depression because of genetics etc. In my husbands case, his mom suffers from depression she always has and while it might be genetic, even she has told me some of her depression comes from her own poor choices in life, and things she regrets that she didn't do.

She throws pity parties for herself and so does my husband. And while that might be sad, I have learned over the years the more I played into the pity party he threw himself the more I got sucked into his behavior and it in turn made me feel depressed. Now if he throws a pity party, I acknowledge it, and then go about my business, I have to take care of myself too.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Blanca said:


> Talk to someone who is severely depressed. you'll find their past is riddled with the most depressing events and people- parents mostly.
> 
> my dad committed suicide when i was 16. my mother tried before i was born. my brother has tried three times. i wouldnt say my views are entirely abstract.


I'm very sorry for your loss--that's a hard thing to go through and difficult to watch in those you care about.

I think Runs explained it best...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Or just neglect. My parents were not suicidal or or evil or violent. They were on the other hand absolutely emotionally not there for me. I tell people my older sister was an only child.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Or just neglect. My parents were not suicidal or or evil or violent. They were on the other hand absolutely emotionally not there for me. I tell people my older sister was an only child.


I'm sorry that happened. Emotional neglect is not a good thing. I remember a family member telling me, how her parents weren't there for her emotionally either, they were to busy being wrapped up in their bad marital issues, to pay her much attention. Their focus was more on themselves and less on her. I'm sure thats hurtful.


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