# I moved in w/my stbxh...ahhh!!!!



## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

So, my husband moved out in January, leaving me to pay for our apartment & all the other bills that go along w/it... He would throw me some cash here & there but, long story short... My lease was about to end (July 1) and I needed a place to stay... (the friends that I have made down here aren't able to take me, so he took me in until I can get on my feet. Problem: I'm still madly in love w/him & he tells me that he needs his space & he doesn't feel that we would work out right now... So how do I give him his space & we live together? Oh & did I mention he has a roomate? It's a townhome so I pretty much stay downstairs w/our 17 month old son... He still comes & goes as he pleases.. This is torture! How do I live here & stay away from him or trying to talk about us? HELP!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, honey. You're in an impossible situation, but I understand the financial fix you are in. I think you have to put big huge strong walls around your heart right now. He doesn't seem like he has your feelings in mind at all, so take care of YOU and your son and quit worrying about him. Are you working? Do you have ways to get out of the house? I think you should be doing as much of the 180 as you possibly can, just for your own sake.

And I'm sorry you're in this situation. Please do keep posting, lots of good folks here.


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## BronteVillette (Jun 16, 2012)

You must try to find another place to live ASAP! I did that for a couple of months and it was h*ll. The worse part was that it didn't seem to bother him one iota. It's good that you do have some space of your own... If I may, I recommend staying in that space away from him unless _absolutely_ necessary. And when you don't have to be in, go out and get away. Go to the park, the store, wherever. If you are around him at this time, it will do a number on you and will not help your situation.

I am wishing you all the best. I know it sucks not having money and being put into an impossible situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Please explain your situation more...

Do you have a job?

Does he pay you any kind of support?

How long have you been married?

Has the divorce been filed?

Do you have family anywhere that would take you in?


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## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

Ahh, well here's the heartbreakers, we've only been married alittle over a year... He left 3 months prior to our 1 year anniversary, and our son hadn't even turned one yet. There hasn't been any papers signed or halfway filed... I work 40 hours a week & believe me coming in the door is never fun b/c I don't know how to "be"... Do I sit & talk w/him (b/c he does watch tv in the livingroom as well) yesterday I came in after work & juz started cleaning, juz to do something and be away from him. BUT the hard part is that HE left me... So I have seriously strong feelings for him... & since we're living together I find my mind racing back to the days everything was all "good" but I don't wanna bother him or push him away w/my fairytale "wants"... I moved away from family to come & support his career, so, no family around :-(


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I wouldn't sit and talk with him. Also, are you living on the couch? Because at the very least, you need a place where you can be by yourself.


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## MainStreetExile (Jun 26, 2012)

I lived with my STBXW for 5 months after she told me she no longer loved me, ostensibly to save enough money for a place of my own. To say that it was a mind-shattering nightmare, a blighted and malignant hellscape of soul-searing agony from the first ray of dawn to the last gasp of dusk would be an understatement of truly Cyclopean proportions. 

My only advice is this: Get out as soon as you can.


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## sadsoul101 (Oct 18, 2011)

I lived with my STBXH for 3 months after we filed for divorce. We owned a condo and I moved out shortly after he bought me out. We had 2 bed rooms and I slept in the other bedroom.

It actually wasn't that bad. It was better than my new living situation of living with a landlord and her 22 yr old son who acts like a teenager. It could be better to stay there than to just jump into a new living situation that may not be good.

I don't know your situation though or the specifics of your relationship. As long as he isn't being abusive, you'll make it through. Use this time to plan for your new living location.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lanilla said:


> Ahh, well here's the heartbreakers, we've only been married alittle over a year... He left 3 months prior to our 1 year anniversary, and our son hadn't even turned one yet. There hasn't been any papers signed or halfway filed... I work 40 hours a week & believe me coming in the door is never fun b/c I don't know how to "be"... Do I sit & talk w/him (b/c he does watch tv in the livingroom as well) yesterday I came in after work & juz started cleaning, juz to do something and be away from him. BUT the hard part is that HE left me... So I have seriously strong feelings for him... & since we're living together I find my mind racing back to the days everything was all "good" but I don't wanna bother him or push him away w/my fairytale "wants"... I moved away from family to come & support his career, so, no family around :-(


Does you husband take care of your so 50% of the time? How much child support is he giving you?

You and your husband are still married. Does he have any savings in his name? Are there joint accounts? What percentage of your joint income does each of your earn.

My point is that he seems to be acting like he's doing you some favor after walking out on you.

How much child support is he giving you?

Please see an attorney and find out your rights. He will need to be paying you child support if you have your son most of the time. If he earns more than you, you can also ask for he court to get him to pay your spousal support until the divorce is final. This might give you enough to get your own place.

If he has any money saved up..50% of it is yours.

You might also want to see about moving back to where your family is with your son. You need help at this time. Sleeping on your ex's coach while he parties is not something you should be going through or something your child should be exposed to.


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## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

Prior to my moving in with him, while I was at work (and only while I was at work) he had our son. If I had a day off, I had our son. He doesn't pay me anything... He doesn't have a legitimate "job" only under the table, which is how he currently pays his bills. Trust me when I say moving back home has been on my mind more than ever... I just don't know how I feel about our son not having his father in his life... Even though things are lowsy between the two of us, he is a great father... And, after speaking to a lawyer about possibly moving back home with our son, the possibility may not be that great. My stbxh already told me that he'd contest me taking our son from him, which then would make us go to court for custody, and, while I may have a full time job w/benefits here... I don't have one back home so I can't use the "I have a job and he doesn't" thing in court. Also, he's not abusive or anything to our son, so that argument is out the window too. The lawyer basically said it would be up to the judge b/c our son is to young to choose... My thing is, do I go through court and hell just to find out I can't take him with me if I want to move? Or do I just grit and bear it until I can move on in peace... I only expect to live w/him for about 2 months...


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

MainStreetExile said:


> I lived with my STBXW for 5 months after she told me she no longer loved me, ostensibly to save enough money for a place of my own. To say that it was a mind-shattering nightmare, a blighted and malignant hellscape of soul-searing agony from the first ray of dawn to the last gasp of dusk would be an understatement of truly Cyclopean proportions.
> 
> My only advice is this: Get out as soon as you can.


:iagree:

I lived with STBXH for a month before my new place was ready. And I agree with MainStreet completely on this....couldn't have said it any better.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

If you don't mind me asking...what was his reasoning for leaving to begin with?

How old are you both?


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Lanilla I have made the mistake of letting my ex-husband move back in with me after the divorce. While its nice to have the extra help, it just makes moving on soooo much more difficult. Getting him out is becoming a very difficult task, so I say go separate as soon as you can especially if you still have feelings for him.


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## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

@Unsure78, believe you me I can feel how much worse this is for me than for him... Obviously, he is uncomfortable (having wanted the space in the first place) but, as you mentioned, since my feelings are so strong, it only makes this harder for me to move on... which I why I'd love to leave sooner, but the way my pay lines up at work (and getting the bills paid w/no help from anyone, I have to assume it'll just be me) I can't move out until then... @Ano, long story short (cause it could be made long) He initially felt pressured to get married because we had a child (got married after baby was born) I told him emphatically not to do it if he wasn't sure b/c I didn't want to be in a marriage that was forced, but he said, "I do" So, of course, whenever we had an argument, it was bigger than the one b4... the argument that initially framed the words, "I want a divorce" out of his mouth was when he came home from a late night out, he wasn't drunk, but he had at least had a couple of drinks (cause he sleeps heavier when he has) anyway, I attempted to wake him up b/c I was on my way to work and he wanted me to wake him up b4 I left... as I tried for 15 min (looking back on it, I should've just left, but I wanted to avoid the argument of me leaving w/o waking him) he finally woke up we were in a screaming match b/c he felt he'd answered my question in his dilirious sleep (which he hadn't) and I felt the need to tell him (again, should've left) Anywayz, he shouted, yelled and backed me into a corner, I slapped him, twice... from there he said, "I wanna divorce - physicality is a deal breaker" Of course, I was histerically upset w/myself (please don't lecture me, as my own mind is still doing it to this day)... Once he said he wanted a divorce, I said I'm moving back home... He said, he was thinking of reconsidering until I said that, and b/c I threatened to take his son from him, his trust left me and so did he... (and that's the short of it)... He's 26, I'm 29... Do I feel he is just trying to find a reason to leave? Yep. Do I feel like he didn't have a gun to his head at the alter so he should man up and work on our marriage? Yep! But... I def don't wanna force someone to love me, it only makes matters worse... The only reason he hasn't filed the divorce papers, so he says, is because he feels that he may be making the wrong decision, and wants the space to clear his mind, so that he can make the decision better. He says he still loves me, and would "give his right arm" for me.. But, i dunno...


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