# New relationship progression



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Forgive my stupid questions but I haven’t dated in 10+ years. I think that women stereotypically want to jump into a relationship, or quickly define it, or rush things, at least I think I do. So my question is... when you start talking to a new potential relationship... how often do you talk? How often do you see each other? How does it progress? 
This guy I started talking to is taking things way slower than I would want him to. He texts me maybe twice a week. We hang out once a week. Granted we have only been hanging out for 3 weeks. 
My problem is that I don’t want to be played or used. When we hang out, it’s so nice and he seems so Into me. But then I don’t hear from him for sometimes a week later. It’s strange. Is this normal?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> Forgive my stupid questions but I haven’t dated in 10+ years. I think that women stereotypically want to jump into a relationship, or quickly define it, or rush things, at least I think I do. So my question is... when you start talking to a new potential relationship... how often do you talk? How often do you see each other? How does it progress?
> This guy I started talking to is taking things way slower than I would want him to. He texts me maybe twice a week. We hang out once a week. Granted we have only been hanging out for 3 weeks.
> My problem is that I don’t want to be played or used. When we hang out, it’s so nice and he seems so Into me. But then I don’t hear from him for sometimes a week later. It’s strange. Is this normal?


It could be that he's trying to not appear needy, but I have no idea. I speak to people I'm interested in every day. But I'm far from a normal person, so I don't know if that's typical or not.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

BioFury said:


> It could be that he's trying to not appear needy, but I have no idea. I speak to people I'm interested in every day. But I'm far from a normal person, so I don't know if that's typical or not.




That’s exactly how I am. He is so laid back it seems like he isn’t into me. Then when we hang out he seems really into me so it’s confusing.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

It depends on the guy and the relationship. Have you talked with him yet about what he wants and is looking for or what your expectations are? As a guy I do not like it when a woman rushes a relationship but I think I'm in the minority here. I also prefer less communication and would rather we talk in person during a date rather than via text or phone. My guess is he's still figuring out what he wants and is considering you among his other options and hasn't reached a decision yet. Are you seeing him exclusively or are you seeing other guys too? 

To directly answer your questions. I prefer to do one date a week when I'm newly dating someone. I will respond to texts but let the woman initiate most of them (80% or more) because usually the woman is the one with more desire for communication during the day. I basically view the phone as a means for setting dates and then I get to know the woman in person. If I like her then I let her try to work into my schedule so we can see each other more than once a week, but since I'm so busy it usually requires her to be far more adaptable and flexible than I am. For your last question he's probably seeing other women and dividing his time up.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> It depends on the guy and the relationship. Have you talked with him yet about what he wants and is looking for or what your expectations are? As a guy I do not like it when a woman rushes a relationship but I think I'm in the minority here. I also prefer less communication and would rather we talk in person during a date rather than via text or phone. My guess is he's still figuring out what he wants and is considering you among his other options and hasn't reached a decision yet. Are you seeing him exclusively or are you seeing other guys too?
> 
> 
> 
> To directly answer your questions. I prefer to do one date a week when I'm newly dating someone. I will respond to texts but let the woman initiate most of them (80% or more) because usually the woman is the one with more desire for communication during the day. I basically view the phone as a means for setting dates and then I get to know the woman in person. If I like her then I let her try to work into my schedule so we can see each other more than once a week, but since I'm so busy it usually requires her to be far more adaptable and flexible than I am. For your last question he's probably seeing other women and dividing his time up.




So you are exactly like this guy. He will always respond to texts but he only really reaches out once maybe twice a week. 
I haven’t asked him what he’s looking for and such because I don’t want to come off pushy.
All I know is that I like him. I am not seeing other men but I am going to start because I don’t want to wait around for someone who may or may not be into me. Plus I think it will be good for him to realize I have other options as well.


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## MZMEE (Apr 17, 2018)

Well the best thing you can do is communicate how his actions make you feel before you make any assumptions. It may just be his personality but nothing bad. Not everyone needs to be in a person's face all the time. I know I tend to be that way, but my husband is super needy. It was frustrating for a while because I just dont' need to be around a person as much as he does. And nothing is wrong. That's just my level of need.

It's early in the relationship. Don't scare him off. But just have a conversation about expectations around time. Get an understanding. If his need for time is really a problem for you, then the good thing is you have the option to make another choice. He's not the only male on the planet 

Good luck!


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

You have gotten some good answers here G_P. 

It could be a balance between not wanting to appear needy and keeping you interested, playing the game as it were. Having said that, it does seem like less than it should be in terms of communication and the droughts between messages but then again it's only been three weeks. We aren't in the phone call, write letters age anymore. I mean people are already constantly on their phones, so it only takes a few clicks to ask how it's going?

Frankly and this has worked to my detriment before but I don't play games, what you see is what you get!

As far as advice goes. Let me ask this? How old are you guys? Is there school involved (college), is he a busy guy with job, activities? That could play into this.

Do you ever message him and he doesn't message you back for days or are you just waiting for him to initiate and that takes days. If the later is the case, step up the frequency of your messages just a tad and see how the response goes and how it goes over the next two weeks to see how responsive he is. My guess is that you should have your answer within a month. After about 2 months of 'dating' that's more than enough time to get past the initial feeling out and communication should be organically increased by then.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

My frequency of communication is relative to my level of interest. I do not know what today's "standards" are but if I dig you, you are going to get flirty texts at least daily or at least as often as your replies seem to indicate you enjoy. I would be turned off by a woman who didn't WANT to communicate often but everyone has their preference.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I'll share with you what happened with the woman I've been dating since she has a totally different dating style than I do. From the beginning she wanted an exclusive committed relationship and I wanted to date multiple people casually. We actually dated for a bit in the spring then broke up because we couldn't align dating styles and her feelings were getting hurt that I wouldn't commit so we decided to just be friends. One of the things we did this summer as friends was gave each other books to read and I gave her a relationship book (3% man by Corey Wayne) and told her that he and I follow a very similar style. She read that book and got to understand me and we were able to align our dating styles and try again, and now everything is going great. 

My recommendation is to read 3% man (sign up for Corey's digital newsletter you can get a free digital copy of the book to read) so you understand where your guy is probably coming from. You should also date other guys until you both decide to be exclusive. But be upfront and honest about it. Probably just have a conversation and ask him if he's still seeing other people. Then tell him that if in the future he wants to move towards an exclusive relationship to just discuss it with you and you two can figure out where you are and if it's the right choice for both of you.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> You have gotten some good answers here G_P.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




We are in our early 30s. No school but he is very busy with his job. 
So every time I message him he replies, sometimes it’s right away, sometimes It’s in 4 hours. But the conversation is quick. But after I text him once or twice than I don’t initiate contact until he does which is days later. 
I know it’s way to early in the relationship, but for me, I don’t want to invest in a relationship that isn’t going somewhere. And he is so casual and slow and not in a rush and that’s fine it’s just not my style. 
I think that I’m just going to put the ball in his court and start talking to other men.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> I'll share with you what happened with the woman I've been dating since she has a totally different dating style than I do. From the beginning she wanted an exclusive committed relationship and I wanted to date multiple people casually. We actually dated for a bit in the spring then broke up because we couldn't align dating styles and her feelings were getting hurt that I wouldn't commit so we decided to just be friends. One of the things we did this summer as friends was gave each other books to read and I gave her a relationship book (3% man by Corey Wayne) and told her that he and I follow a very similar style. She read that book and got to understand me and we were able to align our dating styles and try again, and now everything is going great.
> 
> 
> 
> My recommendation is to read 3% man (sign up for Corey's digital newsletter you can get a free digital copy of the book to read) so you understand where your guy is probably coming from. You should also date other guys until you both decide to be exclusive. But be upfront and honest about it. Probably just have a conversation and ask him if he's still seeing other people. Then tell him that if in the future he wants to move towards an exclusive relationship to just discuss it with you and you two can figure out where you are and if it's the right choice for both of you.




I agree with this and I’m going to start to do it. However, I won’t have sex with him until we are exclusive. I’m not that type of girl.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> We are in our early 30s. No school but he is very busy with his job.
> So every time I message him he replies, sometimes it’s right away, sometimes It’s in 4 hours. But the conversation is quick. But after I text him once or twice than I don’t initiate contact until he does which is days later.
> I know it’s way to early in the relationship, but for me, I don’t want to invest in a relationship that isn’t going somewhere. And he is so casual and slow and not in a rush and that’s fine it’s just not my style.
> I think that I’m just going to put the ball in his court and start talking to other men.


Ok, I still say give him a few weeks. See if his response increases and if in a few weeks, he hasn't changed, fire up the Rolodex


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> I agree with this and I’m going to start to do it. However, I won’t have sex with him until we are exclusive. I’m not that type of girl.


That's great that you are being true to yourself and I support that 100%. But, just be prepared that he might bail on you very quickly. That's because most women that I've encountered in the dating world will enthusiastically have sex on the first or second date if they are really interested in the man, and you are competing with those women. Many guys wouldn't agree to being exclusive with a woman without knowing if they are sexually compatible first.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> That's great that you are being true to yourself and I support that 100%. But, just be prepared that he might bail on you very quickly. That's because most women that I've encountered in the dating world will enthusiastically have sex on the first or second date if they are really interested in the man, and you are competing with those women. Many guys wouldn't agree to being exclusive with a woman without knowing if they are sexually compatible first.




Wow women have sex on the first date!! I would never.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

What’s your opinion about women who have sex so quickly? 
My guess is that the opinion of men is split between loving it, thinking they are strong confident women who love sex and the other side being them being easy.
I always thought men like a little bit of a challenge, or at least make them think they are working toward something and “winning” when they eventually get it.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Yes, it's exceedingly common in today's dating scene. I'm not advocating for it or saying that it's the right choice for you, just that you should be aware of what other women are doing and maybe have that help you understand why the guy isn't giving you as much attention as you were expecting.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> What’s your opinion about women who have sex so quickly?
> My guess is that the opinion of men is split between loving it, thinking they are strong confident women who love sex and the other side being them being easy.
> I always thought men like a little bit of a challenge, or at least make them think they are working toward something and “winning” when they eventually get it.


I'm from the group that doesn't judge women based on sex or label them as "easy" or a "prude". So if they have sex quickly or have been with a lot of guys it means nothing different than if I were to have sex with an inexperienced woman after a prolonged dating period. This is because I just focus on our sex life and whether it is mutually satisfying or not. My real judgment is how open/adventurous they are in bed. "Winning" to me is getting them turned on enough by me that they happily will do anything I want in bed (and vice versa). 

My post divorce dating experience has been that women want to have sex with me very early on and nothing I want to do is off limits. Because that has been my experience it has become my standard. Again, this is just for your information so you know what the competition is doing. If you want a guy that is more to your dating style just be patient and screen for what it is that you want.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> Forgive my stupid questions but I haven’t dated in 10+ years. I think that women stereotypically want to jump into a relationship, or quickly define it, or rush things, at least I think I do. So my question is... when you start talking to a new potential relationship... how often do you talk? How often do you see each other? How does it progress?
> This guy I started talking to is taking things way slower than I would want him to. He texts me maybe twice a week. We hang out once a week. Granted we have only been hanging out for 3 weeks.
> My problem is that I don’t want to be played or used. When we hang out, it’s so nice and he seems so Into me. But then I don’t hear from him for sometimes a week later. It’s strange. Is this normal?


Three weeks isn't much time investment. Maybe you aren't giving him the right signals, or clear enough, that you are want to step it up. Have you initiated texts with him? Have you suggested doing something more than once a week? No reason why you have to wait for him to initiate, take some initiation on your own.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> I'm from the group that doesn't judge women based on sex or label them as "easy" or a "prude". So if they have sex quickly or have been with a lot of guys it means nothing different than if I were to have sex with an inexperienced woman after a prolonged dating period. This is because I just focus on our sex life and whether it is mutually satisfying or not. My real judgment is how open/adventurous they are in bed. "Winning" to me is getting them turned on enough by me that they happily will do anything I want in bed (and vice versa).
> 
> 
> 
> My post divorce dating experience has been that women want to have sex with me very early on and nothing I want to do is off limits. Because that has been my experience it has become my standard. Again, this is just for your information so you know what the competition is doing. If you want a guy that is more to your dating style just be patient and screen for what it is that you want.




Ok so this is my other problem...

I have already had the conversation with him about my view in sex. And I was very blunt and honest about it. And he was understanding, said it was a good thing but obviously wants to have sexual with me.
The other day we were fooling around and I said something like I’m dying to have sex with you but I can’t and I basically had him promise me that he wouldn’t (that day). So he said something like it’s ok we will eventually get there. And at first I thought aw that’s cute because he’s being patient with me and he wants to keep seeing me. And then on the other hand I am fearful that he just views me as a challenge and just wants to bang me.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

BigToe said:


> Three weeks isn't much time investment. Maybe you aren't giving him the right signals, or clear enough, that you are want to step it up. Have you initiated texts with him? Have you suggested doing something more than once a week? No reason why you have to wait for him to initiate, take some initiation on your own.




I do text him but when I do we talk quickly and it ends. Like he doesn’t seem interested. When he texts me is when we have big conversations and he seems interested. It’s hard to explain. 
As of right now I don’t feel that comfortable suggesting we hang out more. I think he knows I’m interested, I think this is just the game he plays. Who knows.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

He's probably being patient because after he went home with blue balls he probably called up someone else and banged them. Did he ever give any hint that he was only dating you exclusively because if not there is a high likelihood that you're just on his rotation. Did you ask him directly and in a non-judgmental way if he was seeing other people? Did he give any hints one way or another when you had your conversation?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> He's probably being patient because after he went home with blue balls he probably called up someone else and banged them. Did he ever give any hint that he was only dating you exclusively because if not there is a high likelihood that you're just on his rotation. Did you ask him directly and in a non-judgmental way if he was seeing other people? Did he give any hints one way or another when you had your conversation?




I’m sure he is seeing other people. And I think he thinks I’m seeing other people. I have been with him when guys have texted me. And when I couldn’t hang out he would ask if it was because I have another date. We both know it’s super causal right now. And we are both on online dating sites.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> He's probably being patient because after he went home with blue balls he probably called up someone else and banged them. Did he ever give any hint that he was only dating you exclusively because if not there is a high likelihood that you're just on his rotation. Did you ask him directly and in a non-judgmental way if he was seeing other people? Did he give any hints one way or another when you had your conversation?




He told me he is a serial monogamous. And that he hates dating. He told me that he has only had sex with 3 people this year.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

It's really good you are having these conversations. A serial monogamist that hates dating and admits to 3 partners in the first 8 months of the year means he's looking for just a regular booty call and you'll get traded out as soon as the relationship starts to get stale. If you are looking for a relationship you'd be better off with someone else. Good luck in your search!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> It's really good you are having these conversations. A serial monogamist that hates dating and admits to 3 partners in the first 8 months of the year means he's looking for just a regular booty call and you'll get traded out as soon as the relationship starts to get stale. If you are looking for a relationship you'd be better off with someone else. Good luck in your search!




That’s interesting that that is your take on the matter because I see it differently. 
I don’t think 3 is that much. And secondly he told me he is trying to find “the one”. And he has no luck making relationships work. He was engaged at one point in his life and the girl broke it off. 
I think that it’s a good thing when people hate dating because they are one person type of people.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> That’s interesting that that is your take on the matter because I see it differently.
> I don’t think 3 is that much. And secondly he told me he is trying to find “the one”. And he has no luck making relationships work. He was engaged at one point in his life and the girl broke it off.
> I think that it’s a good thing when people hate dating because they are one person type of people.


Many people that are really serially monogamous will try to keep relationships going for longer than 2-3 months and if they are dating someone they won't be online looking for other options at the same time. 

Him not liking dating and having no luck making relationships work are not positive indicators that things will go well with you. I personally LOVE dating, especially when it is with the same person for a prolonged period of time. Any good long term relationship requires spending time with each other and a basic human need is to have some excitement, so when I'm with a woman I plan different sorts of dates all the time so that we are actually enjoying spending time together doing things. Here's a list of some of the dates that women have gotten to experience with me: hiking, wild mushroom hunting, zombie paintball at Halloween, wine tasting, concerts, weekend trips out of town, tubing, dance clubs, exploring new bars/restaurants, ninja warrior type obstacle course, canoeing, picnicking, virtual video game shooting range (think Nintendo's duck hunter on steroids), indoor sky diving in a wind tunnel, athletic events, local Oktoberfest and other themed celebrations, movies, boating on a lake, camping, caveman cookouts, etc. Now don't those sounds like dating can and should be fun? Don't you want a guy that will do similar things with you or do you want to just hang out for a Netflix and chill or go watch a movie once a week then go to the same restaurant every time? 

I don't know how familiar you are with human psychology but people try to use logic and reason to validate their emotional decisions. So if you really like the guy you're likely to try to justify his negative characteristics as somehow being positive ones. A great way to avoid that is make a list of what you want in another person, then as you are dating people see if they fill most of your list or not.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

You aren't having sex, so what is the point of limiting yourself to dating him exclusively? 

I am pretty sure he isn't doing that.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Tron said:


> You aren't having sex, so what is the point of limiting yourself to dating him exclusively?
> 
> 
> 
> I am pretty sure he isn't doing that.




I’m not. There just isn’t anyone else I’m interested in now. 
I’m not having sex because I can’t tell if he just wants to have sex or if he eventually wants a relationship.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I’m not having sex because I can’t tell if he just wants to have sex or if he eventually wants a relationship.


I think if you ever develop a system that gets this figured out you could write a book, make millions and wind up on Oprah as every woman's hero.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

It's difficult to respond when we don't know the guy. My son is in his early 30s and until 6 months ago used Match extensively (now engaged) so I'll use his dating/texting experience which he shared regularly. It's highly probably that there's another woman that is ahead of you in the dating timeline. 

Why? The infrequent and brief texts. When initially dating, a 4 hour response is normally a red flag (and a deal breaker) and should be the exception (along with an apology).

I recommend staying on his radar (1 brief text or emoji every 1-2 weeks) because most new relationships don't go anywhere and he may soon be available. Meanwhile, you need to keep looking.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Ouch. I missed this:

You said: ... I think he thinks I’m seeing other people. I have been with him when guys have texted me. And when I couldn’t hang out he would ask if it was because I have another date. We both know it’s super causal right now. And we are both on online dating sites.

My advice: I didn't realize you were both on online dating sites. You need to get him off the dating sites in order to hold his attention. It's difficult to compete with 'first' dates because everyone lies and puts their best foot forward. So the 'new' person always looks more promising. 

Specifically just tell him: I like you and would like us both to take a breather from the online dating sites to get to know each other better. If he's looking for something serious, he'll be receptive ... if he's not, then don't waste anymore time.

BTW: Use this information anyway you want... most guys (and I can't overstate this enough) feel/rant that women use online dating sites as a free meal and then ghost them on or before the 3rd date. If you're for real, you will/should be valued and appreciated by serious guys. Offer to go dutch on the first date (it's a huge plus) to show you're not looking for a free meal.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I think this guy is just not that into you and is waiting around for sex.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Ok so this is my other problem...
> 
> I have already had the conversation with him about my view in sex. And I was very blunt and honest about it. And he was understanding, said it was a good thing but obviously wants to have sexual with me.
> The other day we were fooling around and I said something like I’m dying to have sex with you but I can’t and I basically had him promise me that he wouldn’t (that day). So he said something like it’s ok we will eventually get there. And at first I thought aw that’s cute because he’s being patient with me and he wants to keep seeing me. And then on the other hand I am fearful that he just views me as a challenge and just wants to bang me.


*I know that I wouldn't want to fight any woman that I was attracted to for sex when the feeling was becoming right and proper! I would not even dream of making a pass at a woman unless I knew that there was some due reciprocity there!

Having said that, you may have already succeeded in scaring him off with telling him that you'd love future sex with him, but not right now!

He undoubtedly viewed that move of yours as being "wishy-washy!"*


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I agree with this and I’m going to start to do it. However, I won’t have sex with him until we are exclusive. I’m not that type of girl.




Your other post states you have had sex??? I am confused. Anyhow, you said he was a doctor so if you are texting while he’s at work then I can understand why he doesn’t get back with you.

I have found when the attraction is there, texting happens a lot.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Tomara said:


> Your other post states you have had sex??? I am confused. Anyhow, you said he was a doctor so if you are texting while he’s at work then I can understand why he doesn’t get back with you.
> 
> I have found when the attraction is there, texting happens a lot.
> 
> ...




Oral sex not PIV sex.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

LOL.....oral sex is sex. Genital contact is sex.

Talk about splitting hairs.


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> Oral sex not PIV sex.


If you are a person who is only interested in a serious relationship and need to know they are too within a few weeks, you need to be upfront about that. Talking about what you want and what he wants should never be a game. You trying to be a sexual challenge, trying not to reveal what you actually want...this isn't going to get you want you want. If you are already having oral sex and you want to go all the way then do so. If you don't want to be sexual until you know you are exclusive then don't have even oral sex. That's a mixed signal. 

When I was online dating I was upfront about everything I wanted and asked the guy what he wanted. I did that before even meeting any guy because I don't want to get emotionally involved until some basic questions are out of the way. And that method ended a lot of communication I had with men the same day or after a few days. Usually I ended the contact because it wasn't what I was looking for. Sometimes I felt more interested in meeting in person but the guy answered me truthfully that we didn't match up and we didn't talk anymore. 

Why waste time? I did this for a month until I found a mutual interest with basic compatibility established and we met in person. We officially dated from that point on. While we were talking online, before meeting in-person, we were honest that we were both still having sex. We became sexually exclusive after our first date. I wouldn't have gone on any more dates if he had been wishy washy or been avoiding DTR. 

If you are tired of guessing games, be more upfront with men, reach out to all men you find attractive enough and wait for the ones interested in talking to you. Then weed through those men with your compatibility questions. I told men who asked to meet in person in order to talk that I don't want to get emotionally involved and will not go on a date without getting to know each other first through messaging. A few guys were not ok with that, but the majority agreed. 

Don't change yourself or try to follow rules you think you are supposed to follow. You be you. That's how you will find a guy you can last with long-term. If a guy is "scared off" by something that is so important to you that you are fretting over it, then you are not compatible.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Oral sex not PIV sex.




Bill Clinton? Sex is sex no matter how you want to portray it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Forgive my stupid questions but I haven’t dated in 10+ years. I think that women stereotypically want to jump into a relationship, or quickly define it, or rush things, at least I think I do. So my question is... when you start talking to a new potential relationship... how often do you talk? How often do you see each other? How does it progress?
> This guy I started talking to is taking things way slower than I would want him to. He texts me maybe twice a week. We hang out once a week. Granted we have only been hanging out for 3 weeks.
> My problem is that I don’t want to be played or used. When we hang out, it’s so nice and he seems so Into me. But then I don’t hear from him for sometimes a week later. It’s strange. Is this normal?


I don't get it. IF you're *genuinely* interested in someone, you'll want to see (or at least HEAR from them) every other day [I'm not saying everyday, though]. But once a week? (max. twice??) That's not genuine interest. That's what I call "Pass the time if I've got nothing better to do".
It feels like you're his plan B, to be honest. It's very usual for men nowadays.

What's worse is that when he said "_it’s ok we will eventually get there_" I'm afraid he already knows you're "a given", a "sure thing" ....you won't go anywhere else. Maybe it's another reason why he's taking this dating on his terms, *according to his timeline*, so he doesn't bother that much.
You're a potential for "_being taken for granted_" so I'd suggest you start seeing other men, if it doesn't feel right for you to have sex with him this early, especially if he doesn't seem so interested and sends mixed signals.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Tomara said:


> Bill Clinton? Sex is sex no matter how you want to portray it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Oh god here we go with this topic....

Sex is sex, correct. However the word sex does not cover everything. People can have sex but still be virgins in other areas. Oral virgin, anal virgin, vaginal virgin. 
When people typically ask someone if they had sex they mean vaginal sex. Oh he fingered me therefore he is telling people we had sex.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Oh god here we go with this topic....
> 
> Sex is sex, correct. However the word sex does not cover everything. People can have sex but still be virgins in other areas. Oral virgin, anal virgin, vaginal virgin.
> When people typically ask someone if they had sex they mean vaginal sex. Oh he fingered me therefore he is telling people we had sex.


how was the oral sex?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

PigglyWiggly said:


> how was the oral sex?




If the man loves it, it’s always amazing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Girl_power said:


> Forgive my stupid questions but I haven’t dated in 10+ years. I think that women stereotypically want to jump into a relationship, or quickly define it, or rush things, at least I think I do. So my question is... when you start talking to a new potential relationship... how often do you talk? How often do you see each other? How does it progress?
> This guy I started talking to is taking things way slower than I would want him to. He texts me maybe twice a week. We hang out once a week. Granted we have only been hanging out for 3 weeks.
> My problem is that I don’t want to be played or used. When we hang out, it’s so nice and he seems so Into me. But then I don’t hear from him for sometimes a week later. It’s strange. Is this normal?


For the majority of relationships in my life I talked very sparingly with them and need a lot of space. Progression into relationships were natural but the amount of space I had was varied and can progress from lots of time together to little time together and vice versa etc etc. With my current girlfriend I never felt the need for space and we can write a bible with our texts and spend whole days and nights together, but that doesn't mean we spend every hour with each other, when we have stuff to do we text when we can but we don't bother each other and never take it to heart if either of us can't reply.



Girl_power said:


> What’s your opinion about women who have sex so quickly?
> My guess is that the opinion of men is split between loving it, thinking they are strong confident women who love sex and the other side being them being easy.
> I always thought men like a little bit of a challenge, or at least make them think they are working toward something and “winning” when they eventually get it.


For me it doesn't really matter but more their standards of what they want. I don't enjoy one night stands and for casual sex my minimal standard is a friend with benefits arrangement, and a woman who enjoys one night stands I wouldn't actually consider. Similarly my girlfriend also has such standards but hers is much higher standards than mine, which troubled her for some time but I never disrespected her standards and let her make her own decision. People have different standards and judgements, and it's their decision to make, not ours.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> F.....With my current girlfriend I never felt the need for space and we can write a bible with our texts and spend whole days and nights together, but that doesn't mean we spend every hour with each other, when we have stuff to do we text when we can but we don't bother each other and never take it to heart if either of us can't reply.


Good points there.

With genuine interest, it's natural to want to spend as much time with the other person as possible. That time includes not just meetups, but also texting/talking on the phone. Even a short call "How you doing?" means a lot. It's more about wanting to hear from them rather than spending countless of hours meeting and hanging out. With genuine interest, you don't even have to worry why they're not replying because you know they're busy and they'll call back later when they're free. 

Most times, busy schedules don't justify the "lack of time" to call your SO to ask how they doing. "Busy schedule" is a good excuse only for "_I think of you only when I need you .... or got nothing else going on_". 
No matter how busy you are, you'll find 2 minutes out of 24hrs to say hi to *someone who matters to you.
*

But doubts and insecurities chime in when your _subconscious_ knows the other person might not be into you as much as you are into them. That leaves room for interpretations and wrong assumptions.

It takes two* mature *people and a *healthy *relationship to understand that "busy is not an excuse...but if we're busy at the moment, we'll make sure to find some time later for each other. Definitely!"


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

lovelygirl said:


> Good points there.
> 
> With genuine interest, it's natural to want to spend as much time with the other person as possible. That time includes not just meetups, but also texting/talking on the phone. Even a short call "How you doing?" means a lot. It's more about wanting to hear from them rather than spending countless of hours meeting and hanging out. With genuine interest, you don't even have to worry why they're not replying because you know they're busy and they'll call back later when they're free.
> 
> ...


I completely agree. However, it does also depend on where the relationship is. If it is a very new relationship (like the OP's) it can take some people time to develop feelings so wanting to move slowly and not have constant contact isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know if a woman wants my constant attention from the beginning I run the other way because it strikes me as insecure and codependent behavior. However, once we've been dating for a bit then I'll give her a lot more of my attention and time as she becomes more important in my life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> Wow women have sex on the first date!! I would never.


Don't let anyone pressure you into having sex. Some guys have a 3 date rule about sex. If they don't get sex within 3 dates they end the relationship. It's part of what is taught by PUA (pick up artist) movement. Then when they get sex by the 3rd date, you never see them again. 

When I was dating, I found that the earlier you had sex with someone, the least likely the relationship would pan out to anything but some guy trying to get sex.

And keep in mind, that it's no unusual for men to be concerned about the number of previous sex partners a woman has had. There have countless threads here on TAM started by men talking about how they would never, ever, have a serious relationship with a woman who had more sexual partners than they did. Some of these guys have some number of partners that the woman must not exceed for him to have a serious relationship with the woman.

Do what you are comfortable with when it comes to sex. It's your body and your emotions. So make sure no one pressures you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> What’s your opinion about women who have sex so quickly?
> My guess is that the opinion of men is split between loving it, thinking they are strong confident women who love sex and the other side being them being easy.
> 
> I always thought men like a little bit of a challenge, or at least make them think they are working toward something and “winning” when they eventually get it.


It seems that most men love it when a woman will have sex with them quickly. But most men look down on women who do this and will not take the woman seriously for a relationship if she has sex so quickly.

But, men will encourage women to do it because they want the sex.

Catch 22.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> That’s interesting that that is your take on the matter because I see it differently.
> 
> I don’t think 3 is that much. And secondly he told me he is trying to find “the one”. And he has no luck making relationships work. He was engaged at one point in his life and the girl broke it off.
> 
> I think that it’s a good thing when people hate dating because they are one person type of people.


Always believe a man's actions over his words. This is not what his actions are telling you.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> It seems that most men love it when a woman will have sex with them quickly. But most men look down on women who do this and will not take the woman seriously for a relationship if she has sex so quickly.
> 
> But, men will encourage women to do it because they want the sex.
> 
> Catch 22.


I'm happen to know this couple that would seem to fit this exact scenario. He wanted intimacy and she gave it to him rather quick and she gave it to him good... but then it got interesting in that she immediately cut him off until he proves that he will take the relationship seriously. OMG this man will now do ANYTHING for this woman and now he wants to marry her! 

Badsanta


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