# Is my husband a porn addict?



## Bambi8 (Aug 3, 2019)

So a year ago I was out of state with my mom and kids for about a week. My husband didn’t come due to work. While I was away I checked the bank account and saw a charge to a dating website... I called him and asked about it. He says he was bored with me gone. That was his ONLY excuse.. I’m very submissive for some reason when it comes to him over this topic.. I’ve learned it’s because I’m a stay at home mom and I’m terrified of losing my family.. anyways.. fast forward to today, within the last year I have found that he has signed up on 6 dating sites... he has a twitter dedicated to only finding woman who he pays for videos and whatever a KIK session is.. He unaware of how much I actually know. Over the last 3 months I found out he had another bank account and has spent about $3000 to other woman he has a email address under a fake name.. I tried to confront him about everything.. I waited a month before I even said anything to insure I was thinking logically and when I did that he told me he wanted to separate that I need to mind my own business. He’s a fantastic manipulator and always seems to manage to flip it around on me hoe everything is my fault.. I’m not mad that he’s using these woman to please himself.. I’m angry at the amount of money he is spending when He could be spending it on the kids. School is coming up and he’s telling me that we can’t afford clothes and new shoes.. I’m so lost on what to do from here... I’d like to have a mans point of view also into why men do this.. I am very open sexually there isn’t anything I won’t try or do. Which even makes me more confused into why he does this.. I feel like he replaced his drug addiction for this?


----------



## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Porn is not the most pressing problem.

Dating sites are for ''dating''.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Bambi8 said:


> My husband didn’t come due to work. While I was away I checked the bank account and saw a charge to a dating website... I called him and asked about it. He says he was bored with me gone. … I waited a month before I even said anything to insure I was thinking logically and when I did that he told me he wanted to separate that I need to mind my own business. He’s a fantastic manipulator and always seems to manage to flip it around on me … I’m not mad that he’s using these woman to please himself.. I’m angry at the amount of money he is spending when He could be spending it on the kids. … I’d like to have a mans point of view also into why men do this..


I'm not a male, but in response to your question as to why men behave this way is they don't; at least not decent men. Your husband has less than zero respect for you. Basically, he seems to be saying, "If you don't like it, leave." And he can get away this crap because you are dependent on him. 

I'd suggest you start formulating a plan to get yourself financially independent from this jerk. Seriously.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Bambi8 said:


> I feel like he replaced his drug addiction for this?


That's just casually tossed in at the end? 

You can't continue as things are. He's engaging in behavior that any normal person would consider a clear indication of unfaithfulness to the marriage vows. Most TAM postings that began with finding their husband on dating sites would be all about whether he was cheating or not (with the TAM auto-vote at 95% that he's cheating)... and you're concerned about the money being spent. I think you're treating this entirely as an addiction, which, based on what you said in your last sentence, might be correct. But it's an addiction with many serious consequences, not just money.

The shoe is now on your foot. He's threatened separation. Now it's your turn. You need to put in place a plan, what needs to happen, to keep your family intact. He doesn't get a say in that plan. It's your plan, and if he won't go through with it, you have to move on. How could you possibly keep on going like this? It appears he may be on a downward spiral and take all of the family finances with him. He cares more about his on-line women than he cares about the kids. 

Do you have friends to talk to? Are you in therapy?


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

He keeps treating you in an cruel, disrespectful manner--you don't care about the infidelity, but you do care about the money. At the rate of at least a thousand a month, there will likely soon be little money.

IMO he has left the marriage. If I were you, I'd leave what he sees as an open arrangement and start making safer plans.


----------



## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

The dating sites are completely unacceptable and so isn’t spending the family money on it. Where he is spending so much time and money on it I would lean towards addiction. 

He sounds like he is in the angry phase of it all.. turning it on you and getting mad at you for snooping rather than taking responsibility for what he is doing wrong. I’ve been there and it’s hard.. I’ve only been there with the porn though not the dating sites/live videos which I’m sure has to be a very painful thing to find.

Are you guys regularly having sex?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Maybe not as much a porn addict as a lowlife natural born cheat and a definite man*****.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

To me "porn" and "dating sites" are completely different things. I have no problem with someone watching porn if it isn't interfering with their sex life and as long as they spend no more than a trivial (relative to their finances) amount of money on it. Dating sites are a whole different issue, and is paying large sums to specific women to interact online. The last two I consider cheating. 

What you do about it is up to you, but I think you are completely justified in asking for a divorce.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Not a guy here, but thought I'd add my thoughts. He ''does this'' because you let him. He sounds like a narcissist and they sense when people are vulnerable and afraid. He wants you, and he wants to still date. I'd find a good lawyer, and a therapist to help you work through healing, and how to gain more respect for yourself so this doesn't happen to you, again. 

I understand you have kids but what will they learn growing up with this as their marriage model? I'm sorry you find yourself here, but I'd really start thinking of ways to get out of this...

He already is.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, men in general don't do this. Men who are cheaters do this. 

You have a decision to make.


----------



## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

One thing that really stands out to me here is that he knew you could access the bank account and you would likely see the money he has spent. I’m not suggesting that it would be a good thing if he were better at hiding it but personally I would feel even more disrespected if it were right there in the open and then being told to mind my business. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Bambi8 (Aug 3, 2019)

We do still have sex, not as often. I’m ready for sex everyday.. we will go a couple weeks with doing it 3 or 4 times each week then all of a sudden he won’t touch me.. example.. yesterday he was off. I literally was in his face (not getting into detail on here) but ya know what I mean.. and he just wasn’t interested and complains that his “area” is sore.. as of today we haven’t had sex in a week. And if I’m in his face and he’s completely not interested it really makes me mad.. other than this entire issue we have no other problems.. but because of this I feel like I am starting to resent him.. which really sucks.. If he would just sit down and talk to me like an adult about everything that’s all I want right now.. but he’s not even willing to do that.. I understand and agree completely that he knows I rely on him to much... he makes it seem like I need him.. when we met I was a single mother working 3 jobs and had my own place.. so I know I can do it again. I don’t doubt myself at all.. 

I do have a couple of friends I’ve talked too. They were in shock when I told them. I am not in therapy. Something I can’t afford right now. I do make money here and there, babysitting, cleaning others homes. I’m responsible to pay for my car and anything extra that I want to do (if I want to take the kids somewhere fun, my hair, clothes, car,) I have an antique booth that makes some profit but not enough to survive on.. any money I make he always has some reason that I need to give it to him..


----------



## Bambi8 (Aug 3, 2019)

Yeah reason he got another bank account that I didn’t know about until I accidentally opened the bank standby and saw $1200 worth of money being sent to woman threw the cash app. He’s gotten better at hiding things.. he reinstalls apps while at work and unintatalls them before he gets home.. he doesn’t know that I know as much as I do and I have pictures to prove it..


----------



## Bambi8 (Aug 3, 2019)

He’s actually told me this before... If I can’t let things go I need to leave.. I feel like I’m just here to take care of the house and kids and be used... I’m not sure if he loves me.. I actually truly don’t think he does. He wouldn’t be doing this.. 

One more thing I didn’t mention is about 5 months ago we went to Colorado and the night before we left his phone kept going off.. I asked him who was blowing him up.. he got all nervous and looked at it.. I was right next I him.. it was a hooker.. sending him pictures and prices.. of course he made up a stupid response that this girl got his number from a spam site.. I’ve put up with a lot of things in our marriage and I’m not one to give up easily but y’all are right.. when is enough, enough ya know.. I do love him he’s a fantastic father. But I do know deep down that this is not Heathy and I know I don’t deserve the disrespect....


----------



## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

I really do not have much advice to give, my husband and I are working out problems with issues he has with porn use right now so I would feel highly unqualified to advise someone else but I wanted to let you know I really feel for you and I hope that whichever path you take handling this that it will work out for you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Bambi8 said:


> He’s actually told me this before... If I can’t let things go I need to leave.. I feel like I’m just here to take care of the house and kids and be used... I’m not sure if he loves me.. I actually truly don’t think he does. He wouldn’t be doing this..
> 
> One more thing I didn’t mention is about 5 months ago we went to Colorado and the night before we left his phone kept going off.. I asked him who was blowing him up.. he got all nervous and looked at it.. I was right next I him.. it was a hooker.. sending him pictures and prices.. of course he made up a stupid response that this girl got his number from a spam site.. I’ve put up with a lot of things in our marriage and I’m not one to give up easily but y’all are right.. when is enough, enough ya know.. I do love him he’s a fantastic father. But I do know deep down that this is not Heathy and I know I don’t deserve the disrespect....





Mrs.K said:


> I really do not have much advice to give, my husband and I are working out problems with issues he has with porn use right now so I would feel highly unqualified to advise someone else but I wanted to let you know I really feel for you and I hope that whichever path you take handling this that it will work out for you.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


If nothing else this thread does show that porn is not a so-called "victimless crime" for many. Of course, it's not even criminal for the most part, but the point is, people's lives are shattered by porn addiction. Even more so the lives of those around them. I'm not suggesting that porn should be outlawed, just that we recognize that some can handle it fine, others cannot, and we need to come up with a way of recognizing and dealing with those who cannot. Pretty much just like many other addictions. Perhaps porn is most-similar to alcohol, in that both are in the mainstream (easy to get). 

I really had no idea what the problem was like until this and a couple other threads here on TAM. I had always assumed what I thought was obvious. A guy gets enough sex, and he's not interested in porn, or at least not nearly so much.


----------



## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Porn is one thing. Hookers is another. That’s nasty.

$3000 to a woman? Secret accounts? Dating sites? That goes way beyond porn.

Why would a man do that? I don’t have any idea why your H does that. I could takes guesses such as he’s not attracted to you or he has a bizarre fetish he won’t admit to you (or that you refuse to perform). But even if that were the case for me, I wouldn’t do that. I’d just watch porn.

If you’re ready for sex daily, you should be with a man who will give it to you. This guy is a scumbag. He deserves to be publicly disgraced via divorce.

Another possible response might be to inform the police about his criminal activity involving hookers and wiring money. But that could affect his career and income, resulting in less child support and alimony.


----------



## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Good lord lady. WAKE UP! Why do you listen to his lies and bullsh*t?

Monday morning you need to see a lawyer. Get the process in motion and divorce his a$$

Goodness knows how much of your family money he has pi$$ed away on hoes and blows.

If you have ANY self-respect and want your children to grow up with some then get a divorce.

IF you can't give a dang about yourself, just THINK what your kids are seeing here with regards to what a healthy relationship means.

Don't let this go on a day further. Keep your mouth shut. Stop confronting him. Do the 180 (look it up) and get your act together behind his back to prepare for your flight.

And PLEASE get tested for STDs. Right away


----------



## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Wow.

This is not porn addiction, this is full on cheating.
Stop letting him disrespect you and your children.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

The 21st century is calling. They are saying joint accounts are now a thing of the past.

There's now banking option for his income, her income, and a family account (eg for the kids, rent, food, etc). What he does with his income is his business, just as yours is only your business.

Dating sites. Pay sites are a bit of a worry, but most demand a credit card to get verified. I think I'm on about 4 sites. Never for the "hookup" etc, but just to see what types of people are hanging out "out-there". Equivalent to a speed meet at a pub or cocktail/work party. Let's you have a window into what people are doing and saying while they're hanging about doing their thing. Some also used to have quizzes and it was fun to do, and fun to see just who (or what!) their computer matched you up to.
But that depends, on which sites - some are basically hooker listings, some, I hear, are just entry into pay-porn connections with fake "girls" that are just AI/pre-programmed responses to separate a john from his cash (eg getting "premium" or gold accounts. platinum photo listings/access etc.) If he's wasting time and money in these places you have to ask why.

Some places are like peep shows with pay-per-minute cams. If he's a family man, I'd question why he's not getting what he needs at home, and why he isn't spending time doing family things (ie getting him off the damn computer full stop).

and yeah - some of the sites do send ads and "hook-ups" from local professional girls. Nothing like a bit of aggressive marketing to close the sale. In fact, wouldn't be surprised if that happens more often than some absolute hottie wanting to txt random guy to get a date. she that hot, why she need to call?? A female friend of mine who tidies up nice (and keeps getting accused of catfishing) gets about 40 guys hitting on her with in 30 minutes of sign up, and usually gets about 400 calls in a week (without trying) - but seriously what is it with guys and f..king **** pics - no-one wants to see it dude. Certainly not hundreds of them.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

spotthedeaddog said:


> The 21st century is calling. They are saying joint accounts are now a thing of the past.
> 
> There's now banking option for his income, her income, and a family account (eg for the kids, rent, food, etc). What he does with his income is his business, just as yours is only your business.
> 
> ...


This post is ridiculous.

HIS business?

Yah.....
.no


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Bambi8 said:


> … he just wasn’t interested and complains that his “area” is sore.. as of today we haven’t had sex in a week.


Maybe it's sore because he has an STD or has been having lots of sex with someone else.

Why are you having sex with a man who treats you like dirt???? Seriously, just tell me what it is about this man that makes you stay. I'd really like to know.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Casual Observer said:


> If nothing else this thread does show that porn is not a so-called "victimless crime" for many.


If it is his money (the part he spent) that is his choice. Hop off the entitlement train, he is not a slave, his income is not anyone elses to spend.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

spotthedeaddog said:


> If it is his money (the part he spent) that is his choice. Hop off the entitlement train, he is not a slave, his income is not anyone elses to spend.


The financial aspect wasn’t my focus; it was the destruction of intimacy (sex) that sometimes happens.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Casual Observer said:


> The financial aspect wasn’t my focus; it was the destruction of intimacy (sex) that sometimes happens.


Others see the financial entitlement: see


personofinterest said:


> This post is ridiculous.
> 
> HIS business?
> 
> ...


The intimacy thing is a big deal - such things require a lot of time (and energy), certainly relationship-affair level emotional abandonment in the case of most not-long-distance relationship.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You don't know where he's been so don't take the risk of sex with him.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Openminded said:


> You don't know where he's been so don't take the risk of sex with him.


Exactly. Will you leave when you discover that he has infected you with HPV and have cervical cancer as a result? The consequences of his behavior for you are more life-threatening than heartache.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

You mentioned in your OP that you are sexually open. That's great. A good husband would be satisfied with that. Hell, he'd be downright giddy and think he found a unicorn.

Are you using that reason to justify your husband's behavior? You know, acting like you're all "cool" with it?

Listen, your husband is disrespecting you at every turn. He is cheating on you emotionally, physically, AND financially. Actually, it's abuse. It sounds like you're his hostage.

The question is not, is your husband addicted to porn. It's, why in the hell are you still with him?

You might be on to something re: replacing his addiction with another. He has spent a ****load of money on this crap. You say he's a fantastic father. Is he really? When he tells you there's not enough money for the kids' school clothes and shoes?! No. He's not a fantastic father. 

This is not healthy for you or your children. It'd be one thing if he showed that he wanted to change, but he hasn't. And he won't. He has flat out told you if you don't like it, leave. Take him up on his offer to leave. Permanently.

Consult with a lawyer. Start squirreling away money. Do you have friends or family to help? You gotta get the hell out.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think the first pressing problem is empowering yourself. I think you should consider at least thinking about getting a job so you have some options. A husband going on dating sites because he is bored is not a safe partner, porn addiction or not. 

I'm sorry that you are in this situation.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> Consult with a lawyer. Start squirreling away money. Do you have friends or family to help? You gotta get the hell out.


Or at least look and learn about walking your own way, insisting on being treated as at least an equal, and not second (or worse) rated in the relationship. Women got to learn to walk their own lives too.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

spotthedeaddog said:


> The 21st century is calling. They are saying joint accounts are now a thing of the past.
> 
> There's now banking option for his income, her income, and a family account (eg for the kids, rent, food, etc). What he does with his income is his business, just as yours is only your business.


 Did you *MISS *the part in her post where she clearly states she's a stay-at-home-mom and has no income and is afraid of losing her family? And "his" income is VERY much her business - here in the States, that's considered marital property. The same would apply to her income being every bit his business if she were working outside the home.

Honestly OP, if I were you, I'd be getting myself a job. You have NO options as long as you're keeping yourself dependent on a drug addict who clearly has an addictive personality and just traded out his drugs for women. Not porn. WOMEN.

The guy is a hot freakin' mess. Get a job. Give yourself some *options* instead of staying with him because you depend on him and don't have a choice.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

When people talk about porn addictions, I usually take it that the person in question is *watching* so much porn that it is having negative impacts on their life and relationships.

What you are talking about is cheating. He's not just watching porn, he's interacting with many different women on a frequent basis for sexual gratification (whether that includes intercourse has not been established, but regardless, it's cheating). He's also giving them money, which is having a financial impact on the family.

You have numerous issues here. One is financial abuse of you and the children because his misuse of money is leading to financial hardship and is also making you feel trapped in the relationship. The other obvious one is infidelity. If it continues, you are also at great risk of catching a STI, especially as I would guess that he is dealing with sex workers, so the risk of infection might be higher, though I've not researched it. That is not something to take lightly. It would scare the hell out of me to be honest. I wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole.

Then there is the fact that you really struggle to discuss this with him. The question here is why? This is beyond terrible behaviour yet you're still trying to jump in his pants instead of deal with it. Maybe it's because you struggle to deal with hard topics and avoid them, maybe it's because of the way he responds when you do talk, or maybe it's a mixture of both. I think it's both and I think you need a lot of support right now from family and friends, even if it means bringing in someone else to assist you to discuss this (someone very level headed though).


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Did you *MISS *the part in her post where she clearly states she's a stay-at-home-mom and has no income and is afraid of losing her family? And "his" income is VERY much her business - here in the States, that's considered marital property. The same would apply to her income being every bit his business if she were working outside the home.
> 
> Honestly OP, if I were you, I'd be getting myself a job. You have NO options as long as you're keeping yourself dependent on a drug addict who clearly has an addictive personality and just traded out his drugs for women. Not porn. WOMEN.
> 
> The guy is a hot freakin' mess. Get a job. Give yourself some *options* instead of staying with him because you depend on him and don't have a choice.


Yes, people who are habitual consumers and dont take responsibility for their own support often have nothing - that's why there are bunches of hostels and other options to caterer for the consequences of their choices.

As for choices, a friend and was lover, had "nothing" and three kids - then one she'd enough, threw a dart at the local island (about the size of Britan), put the kids clothes in a bag, and walked to the bus with the kids. Yes, even with nothing, she finally decide it was better to starve than stay. They had hard times (didnt use the hostel, long story) but one kid did awesome, one turned into spoiled drug brat, and youngest has girl-drama issues (food issues, female parts issues, none related to hunger or leaving). She hooked up with a local nerd/tradesman, who loves her very much , even if he's a bit soft and inattentive) and is now a highly respected member of her town, being a business owner of several businesses, mum, and participating in town council and spiritual guidance for many people. Her and her husband own several houses now as well. So how long is "nothing" going to be other peoples' excuse?


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Openminded said:


> You don't know where he's been so don't take the risk of sex with him.


You get that when you date women these days - they're generally not willing to communicate truthfully "where they've been" in full disclosure either. But that is just expected, despite females having higher STD rate than males.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

spotthedeaddog said:


> You get that when you date women these days - they're generally not willing to communicate truthfully "where they've been" in full disclosure either. But that is just expected, despite females having higher STD rate than males.


That being your opinion, and probably shouldn't be stated as if it were fact, lol.

Plus, asking anyone "where they've been" in regards to sexual partners when dating is quite rude imo. By all means, ask if they've been tested for STI's or ask if they would get a test, but asking a person you're dating about their sexual partners is worlds away from asking your partner/spouse for details about their infidelity. As for that being what you get when you date women these days... honestly, I don't remember it ever being a thing that men were expected to whip out their list of partners when dating either.


----------



## Bambi8 (Aug 3, 2019)

AliceA said:


> When people talk about porn addictions, I usually take it that the person in question is *watching* so much porn that it is having negative impacts on their life and relationships.
> 
> What you are talking about is cheating. He's not just watching porn, he's interacting with many different women on a frequent basis for sexual gratification (whether that includes intercourse has not been established, but regardless, it's cheating). He's also giving them money, which is having a financial impact on the family.
> 
> ...


You are spot on. I am terrified to talk to him, he’s verbally abusive and knows exactly what to say to get me to curl in a ball.. Last night I had saw he put on his Twitter that he was “owned” by this online dominatrix. So I asked him how much did he have to pay her and he flipped out. He started packing his things while yelling that it’s non of my business that I have no idea what I’m talking about..the usual things he says when I bring this up. I just want communication. He attempted to manipulate me and brake me down but I didn’t let him. While all this is going on I said “oh don’t forget your toothbrush and hair gel” I started helping him get his things together. He was livid... I’m assuming he was expecting me to bow down and beg him to stay.. this time I didn’t. I stood my ground. He started asking me what my plan was on how I was going to survive without him.. I’ll figure it out. I’ve been a single parent before I can do it again. He ended up staying, saying it was to late for him to go anywhere and slept on the couch. He did tell me he wants a divorce. 
It really is upsetting. I’m extremely jealous of these woman that he’s throwing money at. When I have to ask him to hug me.. I do stay home all day. I look forward to him coming home, I make sure he has a home cooked meal waiting for him, I shower take care of myself.. I’m old school. But I can not live my marriage like this... he is my best friend and we do have a good relationship other than this topic... I honestly don’t care that he does this.. I care about the amount of money and the lack of respect and attention I’m receiving.. I know that may sound ridiculous but I’m a woman we loved to be touched and treated like we are cared about.. I feel unappreciated, disrespected and used.. 

Side note.. I went to the store this morning to get dish soap, shampoo, and laundry soap. My bank card was declined I called him and he took all the money out... I did call and leave messages for a couple lawyers waiting for a reply.. 

I honestly really appreciate how awesome you guys are and blunt.. I need this. Thank you for making me realize my self worth.


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Oh dear! I feel so bad reading this thread. The others are right, your husband's problem isn't a porn addiction. It's a woman addiction. Yes, he traded drugs for women. Either that or he's doing both now. The fact that he told you his privates were sore is alarming. Please stop having sex with this man. Please go to the doctor and get checked for STD's, including the blood test for Herpes.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Your marriage is already lost, dear lady. Now is the time to collect all financial information and make copies. Do you have anyone you can have hold the copies for you? I'd buy a small fireproof safe and have them held in there.

In my state, there are programs for displaced homemakers so they can get childcare and go back to school to get a career that they can support their family with. I recommend you look into that immediately and see if that's available in your area at the community college near you. You are very likely to get financial help when combined with the child support your husband will be required to pay will make it possible to free yourself from this dangerous situation. Make no mistake, you are in danger and so are your children. What your husband is doing is a recipe for STD's and he's harming all of you emotionally.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Bambi8 said:


> You are spot on. I am terrified to talk to him, he’s verbally abusive and knows exactly what to say to get me to curl in a ball.. Last night I had saw he put on his Twitter that he was “owned” by this online dominatrix. So I asked him how much did he have to pay her and he flipped out. He started packing his things while yelling that it’s non of my business that I have no idea what I’m talking about..the usual things he says when I bring this up. I just want communication. He attempted to manipulate me and brake me down but I didn’t let him. While all this is going on I said “oh don’t forget your toothbrush and hair gel” I started helping him get his things together. He was livid... I’m assuming he was expecting me to bow down and beg him to stay.. this time I didn’t. I stood my ground. He started asking me what my plan was on how I was going to survive without him.. I’ll figure it out. I’ve been a single parent before I can do it again. He ended up staying, saying it was to late for him to go anywhere and slept on the couch. He did tell me he wants a divorce.
> It really is upsetting. I’m extremely jealous of these woman that he’s throwing money at. When I have to ask him to hug me.. I do stay home all day. I look forward to him coming home, I make sure he has a home cooked meal waiting for him, I shower take care of myself.. I’m old school. But I can not live my marriage like this... he is my best friend and we do have a good relationship other than this topic... I honestly don’t care that he does this.. I care about the amount of money and the lack of respect and attention I’m receiving.. I know that may sound ridiculous but I’m a woman we loved to be touched and treated like we are cared about.. I feel unappreciated, disrespected and used..
> 
> Side note.. I went to the store this morning to get dish soap, shampoo, and laundry soap. My bank card was declined I called him and he took all the money out... I did call and leave messages for a couple lawyers waiting for a reply..
> ...


You didn't let him manipulate you into begging him to stay. You held your ground despite the verbal abuse and manipulation. That took a lot of guts. 

He's now using money to try to force you to continue living in this situation. Taking all the money out of your accounts so you can't even afford to buy essential household items. This is now getting into the realms of severe abuse. Reach out for help. You don't have to do this alone. At least let the lawyers know this is becoming a desperate situation and they might be able to help you reach out to an organisation that can assist you while the divorce is being handled.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> Another?
> But to answer the question. Mrs Nail and I are friends. Used to be more. And a friend with an addiction is not all that much fun.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Bambi8 said:


> I honestly really appreciate how awesome you guys are and blunt.. I need this. Thank you for making me realize my self worth.


I've read through this thread and thought this was the usual story of a husband using too much porn and withdrawing from the marriage, but this situation is different. Your husband is interacting with other people online and paying them for sexual services (even if remotely and not in person). That in my opinion is much different than porn and sounds more like he has a fetish for bing financially dominated:

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-...domination-definition-explained-a7646931.html

Hopefully that helps you understand what might be going on.

Regards,
Badsanta


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Bambi8 said:


> He did tell me he wants a divorce.


Oh good, the trash is taking itself out.


----------

