# Should Men Be Present During Childbirth?



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

My husband stated that he is not sure if he should attend the delivery process and after watching a video of childbirth, I actually agree with him. He's hardly touched me since the conception of this pregnancy, I fear that if he sees the other part, he may not want me sexually ever again. 

Any ladies husband's have any similar issues? Or are you a husband who has experienced the birthing process, did it affect your sexual attraction towards your wife? 

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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> My husband stated that he is not sure if he should attend the delivery process and after watching a video of childbirth, I actually agree with him. He's hardly touched me since the conception of this pregnancy, I fear that if he sees the other part, he may not want me sexually ever again.
> 
> Any ladies husband's have any similar issues? Or are you a husband who has experienced the birthing process, did it affect your sexual attraction towards your wife?
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


My girlfriend had a baby in March and I was in the delivery room.
Never again.


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## Stang197 (Aug 31, 2015)

I watched it twice and it didn't change me. It was pretty gory though.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Depends on both people. If its is going to be a bad experience for either, then I don't think he should be present.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

My husband held me up during all five births. I squatted down with every one. 

His ability to hold me was critical to my birthing success. I don't think I would have had the strength to hold onto a bar.

Dug said once that it is amazing to witness the ability of a woman to withstand the pain of labor and childbirth. He said it made him respect womankind even more.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Entirely subjective. Lots of men love pregnant women an seem them as the pinnacle of femininity.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I know my FIL was at a bar watching a World Cup soccer match (Germany won) during my wife's birth. Moot point now and different times, but I would have hoped to go to the bar.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

My husband was freaked out a little after our third was born. It didn't take long for him to get over it though. 

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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I was with my wife for all three of ours. They were all C-section. I watched the doc slice her open and basically peel her like a grapefruit, then popped a baby out like a scene from Alien.

I filmed it.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

jld said:


> I squatted down with every one.


No disrespect intended jld, but this reminds me of the British show Call the Midwife. They put some of the women in the most Godawful positions to give birth. I sometimes wonder how real they are!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

rockon said:


> No disrespect intended jld, but this reminds me of the British show Call the Midwife. They put some of the women in the most Godawful positions to give birth. I sometimes wonder how real they are!


Lol, squatting is actually great for opening up the birth canal and minimizing tearing. I highly recommend it!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

@MrsAldi, I'm more disturbed by his lack of care thus far in your pregnancy. I think you will feel very alone if he is not there with you in some capacity. He doesn't have to watch the details, but he could stand next to you and at least hold your hand.

I think that seeing the birth might create more issues for him, sure, but it's not like they don't already exist.

What do YOU want or expect? It's perfectly fine to tell him what you would like. It shouldn't be: "If ____ then ____." It should be: "I need _________." Then see what he says.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

rockon said:


> No disrespect intended jld, but this reminds me of the British show Call the Midwife. They put some of the women in the most Godawful positions to give birth. I sometimes wonder how real they are!



When I was in labor with my son, one position my OB put me in was squatting and holding onto a bar. When you're in labor and trying to push a baby out, the last thing I wanted was to hold onto a bar above my head. I felt like I was too weak to hold on and was afraid I'd let go and fall. 

To answer the OP's question - I would absolutely expect the father to be in the delivery room with me. If he's grossed out about the birthing process, then he shouldn't have fathered a child. The father can at least stand at the mother's head and hold her hand and be supportive without having to see the "action" down below.

If being in the room while his child is being born turns him off to his his wife/SO, that would affect my relationship with him forever. 

Women go through so much during pregnancy and birth, and if the father can't be bothered to spend a few hours in a delivery room - he's no man, IMO.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Lol, squatting is actually great for opening up the birth canal and minimizing tearing. I highly recommend it!


You had a thirteen pound baby.I honestly can't get my head around that.My daughter is nine weeks old and she weighs twelve an a half pounds.I look at her and I can't imagine giving birth to a baby that size.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> You had a thirteen pound baby.I honestly can't get my head around that.My daughter is nine weeks old and she weighs twelve an a half pounds.I look at her and I can't imagine giving birth to a baby that size.


It was actually a very easy birth, Andy. When my body gave me the sign, I squatted down and that little guy slid out like a jumbo watermelon on a waterslide.

The recovery was really tough, though.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> It was actually a very easy birth, Andy. When my body gave me the sign, I squatted down and that little guy slid out like a jumbo watermelon on a waterslide.
> 
> The recovery was really tough, though.


I did ask the girls in the gym about what exercises you could do but the general consensus was surgery or the stomach band which You allready have.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Satya said:


> @MrsAldi, I'm more disturbed by his lack of care thus far in your pregnancy.


I've felt that way, starved for physical affection. I think he does care, he's very protective and gets me whatever I want. Maybe he sees the role as protector/provider. He never really was the emotional type, but we had loads of affection before. 





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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I did ask the girls in the gym about what exercises you could do but the general consensus was surgery or the stomach band which You allready have.


I should probably have the surgery. But I am nervous about it.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

A friend of mine was head nurse at the local hospital and when it came time for her c-section the doctors assumed she would want to watch. They placed a mirror over her so she could. The baby was stuck and my friend was a tiny girl. She said ever time they pull the baby up it would lift her off the table and dropped her, over and over. It’s been 23 years from her recanting this story to me and my late wife and thinking about it now still raises the hair and him back of my neck.

I am not a parent, but I had always expected that I would want to be present. In a way, I see it as my job as husband. Also I would want to see my little squirt come into this world; pun intended.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Both of ours were what the nurses called "drive thru" easy births with a minimum of drama and 2-3 hour labor. Doc attributed some of it to j2's excellent physical shape and exercise routine. Same doctor and hospital. It wasn't too melodramatic like on TV, I'm sure if we had long labor and no epidural it'd be different.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Max.HeadRoom said:


> A friend of mine was head nurse at the local hospital and when it came time for her c-section the doctors assumed she would want to watch. They placed a mirror over her so she could. The baby was stuck and my friend was a tiny girl. She said ever time they pull the baby up it would lift her off the table and dropped her, over and over. It’s been 23 years from her recanting this story to me and my late wife and thinking about it now still raises the hair and him back of my neck.
> 
> I am not a parent, but I had always expected that I would want to be present. In a way, *I see it as my job as husband.* Also I would want to see my little squirt come into this world; pun intended.


I agree!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I've had all C-sections so it may be a little different.. he was there for every one.. He LOOKED the 1st time - to see them cut me open & flap my stomach over my body....."bloody popcorn" he said... then he looked at me.. I was smiling.. didn't feel a thing!..... Crazy amazing...but No.. he wasn't going to look again... "once was enough" (his words).. 

He'd *want* to be there...the nurses always took a picture when they handed the baby to me of the 3 of us.. I am so happy we have these...that he was there for these moments... it was never a question, for him.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

sokillme said:


> Entirely subjective. Lots of men love pregnant women an seem them as the pinnacle of femininity.


It's never killed my H's sex drive.. in fact my drive was HIGHER with each pregnancy, yeah I felt like a whale but I NEEDED IT .... he was LOVING that... probably why we have so many kids !


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I was there for all three

C-section
Natural birth 
C-section 

I saw everything from every angle. While I regularly bloody and break myself without concern, I'm very squeamish around others' pain or blood (I could never have been a doctor)

However, I couldn't not be there for my wife at those times. If a dog cuts his paw, I break out in a cold sweat and have to sit down and look away, but somehow I was a rock during the births. It can be surprising what you can do when someone really needs you.

And, oh by the way, I'm the one who got her that way in the first place. Abandonment at the point when the fruits of our union come into the world would have been very bad form.

Most importantly, Being with her during each of these events, each of which was hugely challenging in its own way only magnified my appreciation, love and respect for her. Bonds were definitely strengthened.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I was there for all three
> 
> C-section
> Natural birth
> ...


Totally agree.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It's never killed my H's sex drive.. in fact my drive was HIGHER with each pregnancy, yeah I felt like a whale but I NEEDED IT .... he was LOVING that... probably why we have so many kids !


Yeah my gf was the same every day up to and including the day her waters broke we had sex.She had to be on top but being the gentleman that I am I let her.😇😇😇😇


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well, if a woman can go through it, surely her husband can be there to give her help and support. I really do not think that men are so fragile that they cannot be part of the birth of their own children.

I have read that doctors do not like the idea of having fathers or anyone but the medical team with the woman during child birth because if complications occur, it can be very hard to deal with a husband and/or family falling apart at the same time.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MrsAldi said:


> My husband stated that he is not sure if he should attend the delivery process and after watching a video of childbirth, I actually agree with him. He's hardly touched me since the conception of this pregnancy, I fear that if he sees the other part, he may not want me sexually ever again.
> 
> Any ladies husband's have any similar issues? Or are you a husband who has experienced the birthing process, did it affect your sexual attraction towards your wife?


I was with my wife each time she gave birth to our children. It did NOT affect my level of sexual attraction for her, but it did drastically increase my level of respect for what the female body endures to help create a family. 

As for childbirth and any changes to sexuality in marriage, that part boils down to time and energy. Under normal circumstances a newborn child will require tremendous amounts of time and energy and sometime very little is left for a married couple to enjoy an intimate moment alone without interruptions. 

Make it a point with your husband to prioritize time for one another!!!!!!!

Hope all is going well, 
Badsanta


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I have read that doctors do not like the idea of having fathers or anyone but the medical team with the woman during child birth because if complications occur, it can be very hard to deal with a husband and/or family falling apart at the same time.


It is my understanding that if complications occur they get the husband the hell out of there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

rockon said:


> It is my understanding that if complications occur they get the husband the hell out of there.


That's my understanding. 

But when a complication occurs, they just might need all hands to handle the complication and thus do not have the time to get the husband out of there.

Or the husband might fall apart emotionally if he's told to leave due to complications. 

Plus, the medical facilities often don't like the video recording because if something goes wrong, it could hurt their legal case.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

I loved it, I wouldn't have missed it.

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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I was present for both of my sons births in hospital birthing suites; and although it was a little on the gory side, I absolutely would not trade the experience of having been there to see them come into the world for anything! *


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## dolphindad50 (Jun 11, 2017)

I was there for both of my kids births. It was amazing.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

My wife and I have 2 kids. Before the birth of the first, it didn't even occur to me that fathers take part in the birthing process. I thought we waited in the lobby while random family/friends showed up. Then my wife informed me in no uncertain terms that I would be in the room with her for support. Even though I was ok with this, I had to inform her in no uncertain terms that me and my field of vision were going to stay "north of the equator" at all times. I'm not always the best with the sight of blood and my wife knew there'd be a very real chance that I'd pass out, so she agreed. Her doctor confirmed that this happens to a lot more dads then people think during the birthing process. Smartest thing we did was to hire a doula for both births. I held my wife's hand and encouraged her while the doula, nurses, and the doctor took care of business down below. Worked out well both times...


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## Sly Fox (Jun 6, 2017)

I think a husband should be present in the delivery room to support his wife and child. But it doesn't mean he has to look directly at the child as it comes out (if that bothers you). But yeah, I don't think it's very nice if a husband or SO isn't there (unless he has a good reason, like works for the CIA and is currently out of the country on assignment).


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

@MrsAldi I will add to this thread that usually the hormones associated with recent childbirth are very complimentary to a woman's complexion, hair, and curvature. Your body will be full of the hormones for creating new life and in my opinion that will rejuvenate your looks as well. Those things should make you very attractive for your husband!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some men can handle childbirth and some can't. With your husband, it's a risk considering how he's reacted to you sexually since you got pregnant. Don't give him any excuses to continue that behavior afterward. Let him stay in the waiting room.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Watching childbirth was a breeze compared to the hospital La Leche League meetings where moms and babies (and spouses for support lolz) got to practice nursing 😎


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

If my wife was having a baby, the least I could do is support her through such a horrible experience.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

It's up to the family to decide. I was there. I saw _everything_. I don't how people are totally put off by it.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

I don't know, I was there. Didn't 'see' anything really as eventually a C-section happened and I certainly wasn't interested in peering over the drape to watch em cut her open. That all went fine, it was after the birth when they wheeled her out of the room - or maybe it was me and the baby who left the room? Not sure, anyway within a few minutes evidently the anesthetic wore off, the guy in charge of that was in a different operating room and unavailable. Listening to her screams through a couple heavy door sets was very disturbing.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

MrsAldi said:


> My husband stated that he is not sure if he should attend the delivery process and after watching a video of childbirth, I actually agree with him. He's hardly touched me since the conception of this pregnancy, I fear that if he sees the other part, he may not want me sexually ever again.
> 
> Any ladies husband's have any similar issues? Or are you a husband who has experienced the birthing process, did it affect your sexual attraction towards your wife?
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk



Well, my husband was present for all three births. But we didn't exactly have a good relationship, so I don't even remember him being there. The third child is not my ex-husband's child it's my current husband's child. I'm not even getting into that fiasco. But if I was to have a child with my current husband, and have him actually be there, not going to happen but let's go there, I would make sure that he stayed by my head and faced my head and not look down. He is very squeamish and pretty much think he would pass out. When his other son was born he stayed out of the room and then came in to see his son when they were cleaning him up. But he was with me by that time iand was not with the mother. If it were me he would want to be there for me but he wouldn't be able to watch the birth. If this is the situation have him face away but be able to hold your hand and look you in the eye because you're going to need the support and he will most likely feel guilty not being there to support you. He doesn't need to see the gore and he can go see the baby once it's born without having to see the unsavory stuff let's say.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

jld said:


> Lol, squatting is actually great for opening up the birth canal and minimizing tearing. I highly recommend it!




This is actually a more natural way for a human to give birth tthenin the llaying position. Actually the higher C-section rate can partially be attributed to the position we put ourselves in to give birth. Lying on her backs during the labor process isn't actually a good thing. I was up and moving as much as possible and On a birthing ball a lot of the time. I was only in labor for 3 1/2 hours with my last child and I was only in the bed for about two minutes before he was born I was on the birthing ball until I felt funny and they basically threw me in the bad and the doctor basically just caught him. My hardest labor was my first and that was the most time I spent in bed. Women aren't naturally supposed to do this and I really don't understand why it is common practice.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

anonmd said:


> I don't know, I was there. Didn't 'see' anything really as eventually a C-section happened and I certainly wasn't interested in peering over the drape to watch em cut her open. That all went fine, it was after the birth when they wheeled her out of the room - or maybe it was me and the baby who left the room? Not sure, anyway within a few minutes evidently the anesthetic wore off, the guy in charge of that was in a different operating room and unavailable. Listening to her screams through a couple heavy door sets was very disturbing.




Why the hell wasn't she medicated?!?!?! She should have never felt that much pain!!! Before the anesthesia wears off the patient is given meds to keep pain under control, I've only seen a couple of people wake up like that, and it's because morphine doesn't work for a small percentage of the population (raises hand) and dilauded has to be administered instead. Normally there is minimal pain.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Two kids. There for both of them. Great experience getting to see them come into the world. Wouldnt have missed it for the world.

As others said, I helped create them. Now Im too squeamish to witness them being born?

Please. In my not so nice opinion some need to grow up. Babies are born into this world (usually) through the vagina. Get over it. Thats part of life. To me its like someone being grossed out by seeing a chicken etc killed and cleaned. Life isnt sanitary and antisceptic. Modern life and technology are great but some could stand to "get back to nature" a little bit.

All that being said, everyone is different and only your husband and you can decide if its something he can handle. Given the chance I think most would realize its not gross at all and quite amazing.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I was there for the birth of both children. One was a C Section and the other was vaginal. I found it fascinating and it only brought me closer to my wife. I don't see how seeing a birth would turn you off to your wife? I just don't see the connection. 

For the vaginal birth we used a midwife and I was right there watching it all.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

badsanta said:


> @*MrsAldi* I will add to this thread that usually the hormones associated with recent childbirth are very complimentary to a woman's complexion, hair, and curvature. Your body will be full of the hormones for creating new life and in my opinion that will rejuvenate your looks as well. Those things should make you very attractive for your husband!


So would a kick right up the side of his head. Just an option.

Hell, _*I*_ didn't want to watch my son being born either and didn't look in the mirror they provided. So I can't blame those husbands for not wanting to watch it up close and personal, either. My then-husband was fascinated and watched *everything*, and told me about the 'birth' of the after-birth after he was born (which I didn't even realize had happened) and he even watched the doctor stitch me up afterwards. Freak.

But even after watching all that hell, it didn't affect him one bit as far as his continued attraction to me.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

BioFury said:


> If my wife was having a baby, the least I could do is support her through such a horrible experience.




It's not horrible, it's wonderful. Painful as **** but all that goes away the moment you see that adorable little baby.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> But even after watching all that hell, it didn't affect him one bit as far as his continued attraction to me.


Just as most women are likely to forget the pain of childbirth (or at least minimize it relative to the benefits) and want to have another, so will a man quickly forget any trauma from seeing a non-sexy event take place at a location he normally associates with sex.

In fact, the man will forget any mental "trauma" and be raring to go again _long before the woman recovers and is ready to go again! _


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You can thank the wonderful oxytocin for the memory loss.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I was there for all three of my children's births. 

To be honest, I didn't see very much. I stayed up close to my wife, holding her hand and stroking her hair. I couldn't see what the nurses/doctors were doing until the baby was there.

Glad I was there for my wife and was able to see the kids first breaths.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Satya said:


> @MrsAldi, I'm more disturbed by his lack of care thus far in your pregnancy. I think you will feel very alone if he is not there with you in some capacity. He doesn't have to watch the details, but he could stand next to you and at least hold your hand.
> 
> I think that seeing the birth might create more issues for him, sure, but it's not like they don't already exist.
> 
> What do YOU want or expect? It's perfectly fine to tell him what you would like. It shouldn't be: "If ____ then ____." It should be: "I need _________." Then see what he says.


Agree. However - you seem to interpret his distance as his thinking that you are gross in your pregnant form. Could it be that he just sees you as extremely fragile? A lot of men are scared to hurt the baby. 

I'm sure it doesn't help you to pile on one more response about a supportive husband, but mine was there for both births and helped deliver both of my children. As in, putting his hands down there with the doctors hands when they were born. He loved it, and honestly, his complete dedication and involvement in my pregnancy, labor and birth strengthened our marriage by leaps. I loved him in a way I didn't think was possible. If he had chosen not to be there? I honestly would feel very differently about him after and I am not sure I could get over it. 

There are things that happen immediately following birth that he will miss if he is not there. Being the first people to lay eyes on the baby, finding out what they look like after 9 months of wondering, and watching them take the measurements and hearing the first cry. That all happens within minutes after birth - there won't be any pause so that they can go grab him from the waiting room. (At least not in the hospitals I delivered in, and they were very clear about that.) Newborns also have this incredibly period of quiet alertness that only lasts a short while immediately after birth. I distinctly remember both of my kids moments after their birth looking right into my eyes. The time of birth and right after to me was honestly magical, despite the pain and blood and everything else... just witnessing a human being come into the earth that you created. It's something he will never get a chance to do over if he misses it. 

Has he attended any doctors appts with you? What about any preparation classes if your hospital offers them? We took a childbirth class together a few weeks before I gave birth the first time and honestly, I felt like it was more for my husbands benefit than mine. He likes to know ahead of time what will be happening. It was more of a focus on what is normal vs just watching a gory birth video online. 

ETA: You asked about it affecting sex later. I was worried about that too, particularly because after my first birth I had a 3rd degree tear and a ton of stitches and my H actually watched them stitching me back up (gag). He didn't care. He always told me that he was absolutely amazed at my body and that he now worships it for bringing our two children into the world. I have some leftover stretch marks from my pregnancies that I hate, and he always tells me that he thinks they are sexy. Maybe he's just being nice, but he's never seemed to be bothered by them. 

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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I was there for both. They were 2 of the most awesome moments of my life. Especially the 2nd one. She wanted a natural birth so we went to a birthing center where she was in labor for about 6-1/2 hours, had 7lb 6oz daughter without even an aspirin - nothing - zero - and then argued with the staff 2 hours later to let us go home. Law was had to stay minimum of 4 so after 4 hours we went home and I cooked her dinner because she was hungry. Un f***ing believable. I am still 18 years later totally awed by it/her.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

No. Men should be in waiting rooms passing out cigars and drinking beer as God intended.  Seriously though I think that sometimes for some guys, seeing a baby come out of what was once his source of sexual pleasure, can affect how the husband views his wife. We often hear about the husbands who stop having sex with their wives. Sometimes it is the memory of what came out of there that makes them feel differently. Not saying that watching is not wonderful but it can have negative effects on the marriage. A good number of husbands cheat after the birth of their child. It is the old wh*re/madonna complex thing at work. I would let your husband do what he is most comfortable with. Have it recorded so if he wants, he can watch it later. Forcing someone to do something they do not want to do, even if you think it is best for them, is not a good practice.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

2&out said:


> I was there for both. They were 2 of the most awesome moments of my life. Especially the 2nd one. She wanted a natural birth so we went to a birthing center where she was in labor for about 6-1/2 hours, had 7lb 6oz daughter without even an aspirin - nothing - zero - and then argued with the staff 2 hours later to let us go home. Law was had to stay minimum of 4 so after 4 hours we went home and I cooked her dinner because she was hungry. Un f***ing believable. I am still 18 years later totally awed by it/her.


Ha! Same experience here minus the birthing center. We labored at home until the last 15 mins, then figured I guess we should go in. They barely got me into a room and my daughter was born. No meds. I got up out of the bed immediately after, got dressed back into the clothes I was wearing when I came in and told them I was ready to leave. I felt fine. 

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## pushing50 (Aug 5, 2010)

I was there when wife delivered all five of our children. No desire to share the doctor's POV, though. 

No lasting psych trauma.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MrsAldi said:


> My husband stated that he is not sure if he should attend the delivery process and after watching a video of childbirth, I actually agree with him. He's hardly touched me since the conception of this pregnancy, I fear that if he sees the other part, he may not want me sexually ever again.
> 
> Any ladies husband's have any similar issues? Or are you a husband who has experienced the birthing process, did it affect your sexual attraction towards your wife?
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


Present at birth of both my children. I have never been more frightened and felt helpless in my life. The medical staff tried to give me things to do to help, but be out of the way and out of view of things. 

I think that talking to the medical staff about his reluctance and yet saying you want him there for support will allow them to direct the action, such that he can stay and survive.

Good luck.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

It is part of life and will help him bond to the child and see you as a mother. You become both his wife/lover as well as a mother and he becomes a father. I think it is a wonderful experience and if you want help with dirty diapers in the future, get him in there.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Remee81 said:


> It's not horrible, it's wonderful. Painful as **** but all that goes away the moment you see that adorable little baby.
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Not as far as I'm concerned. Having a baby would get old 10 minutes after you walked it through the door. 2-3 years without a full nights sleep, never being able to go anywhere, do anything, have sex, have free time, or relax, never being able to get away from the constant work and stress...

Yeah, I'll pass. I can watch some adorable puppies on youtube.


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## AussieRN (Mar 28, 2013)

I would encourage men to be present. 

But you *really REALLY* should stay away from the business end.

You really don't want to be associating a fun area with a head coming out of it later on when you have your head down there.

Be there though. It really is one of the best moments ever.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Odd as it may sound I think my daughters and I have such a strong bond because I talked to them in the womb and was the first person to hold them.

Now the birthing experience is another matter. I had to hold a leg (of my x) for each birth so I go a ringside seat. The first one my only thought was "well sex is over because that's never going to work right again". Lol course it does. It's a pretty amazing, gross, draining, emotional experience. I'm glad I was there for it!


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

BioFury said:


> Not as far as I'm concerned. Having a baby would get old 10 minutes after you walked it through the door. 2-3 years without a full nights sleep, never being able to go anywhere, do anything, have sex, have free time, or relax, never being able to get away from the constant work and stress...
> 
> Yeah, I'll pass. I can watch some adorable puppies on youtube.




Ow Gawd. Please tell me you do not have children and never plan on procreating. 


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Ow Gawd. Please tell me you do not have children and never plan on procreating.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Lol, I do not have children (thank God). If I have my way, that won't change. But, I'm religious, and 99.99% of religious women want babies, and not getting married isn't an option for me. So... *huff* I'm not sure what the plan is to be quite frank.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

To me, it would be unthinkable for the father not to be there.
If he is mature enough to be married and have a pregnant wife, he should be able to handle being in the delivery room. If he's squeamish, he stays by your head, never looking at the region. 

The birth of our two kids were the most awesome day of both of our lives. I can't imagine a father not wanting to be there. That's just me though.

It's amazing what can be endured out of love for your spouse. Things that he doesn't think possible, are. He just needs to avail himself to the opportunity. I have not read the other replies, but I can't imagine a dad who thought he couldn't handle it, and went ahead and did it could ever say they regretted that. It's a huge family bonding thing. IMO....

And I don't think I have had a chance to congratulate you mama!!!!! I bet you look so beautiful.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Satya said:


> You can thank the wonderful oxytocin for the memory loss.


My wife says she remembers the pain, and is not likely to forget it in any hurry.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I was there with my first wife in 1991 and saw the business end of it while it was happening as well. Likewise I was there with my second wife in 2000 and 2003 and again saw the business end during as well. All of those births were vaginal.

My stand out memories for the first was my ex-wife strangely apologising to me for the pain she felt and of her stretching down there. For the second (my wife's first) I recall both of us feeling extremely tired at the end of it since her labour went for circa 20 hours sans pain killers until near the end. While for the third it went very quickly and my wife used painkillers from the get go and tore slightly and we caught up with a nice female nurse we had met earlier when I nearly died who had then trained as a midwife.

The actual birth part where my children came out although okay as such, doesn't seem particularly amazing to me.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

kag123 said:


> Agree. However - you seem to interpret his distance as his thinking that you are gross in your pregnant form. Could it be that he just sees you as extremely fragile? A lot of men are scared to hurt the baby.


You could be right. 



> Has he attended any doctors appts with you?


Just the first scan. It's hard for him to get time off work. He's coming to the next one. 



> What about any preparation classes if your hospital offers them? We took a childbirth class together a few weeks before I gave birth the first time and honestly, I felt like it was more for my husbands benefit than mine. He likes to know ahead of time what will be happening. It was more of a focus on what is normal vs just watching a gory birth video online.


This is great advice! Thank you.  


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Personally, I don't think a husband should be present unless he WANTS to be there AND has taken the time and effort to learn what he needs to know in order to be a source of comfort and support. My husband was fairly useless during all 3. To insist he be present as some sort of punishment because he's the one who knocked you up....has its merits. But ideally a laboring mother should be surrounded by loving support and everyone else can get the hell out.

I wouldn't suggest that a man who rather sucks at giving emotional comfort be expected to be prepared for the time when that particular time emotional support is the only thing he can do, the only thing needed from him,.... and the one thing he isn't able to do.

Contrarily, a husband who can be emotionally supportive, who can give comfort and help you to relax, who is prepared to absolutely put your needs first middle and last, should be the best thing a laboring mother would ask for.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Constable Odo was present at the birth of his 3 children (from prior marriage). He told me that he very nearly missed witnessing his youngest being born because his ex had strongly encouraged him to go out eating with a friend (long labor) and back then you weren't going to get a text message saying "get back here!" 

I hope some day, if the universe decides, we'll go through the experience together. I know he'd want to be there and I know he'd be supportive. I don't think I'd encourage him to watch the action, though, unless he insisted.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

Yes, of course he should be there to support his partner in birthing their child. He may not be totally comfortable and it may be hard for him, but as any mother can tell you, there are moments when she doesn't want to be there either.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Jessica38 said:


> Yes, of course he should be there to support his partner in birthing their child. He may not be totally comfortable and it may be hard for him, but as any mother can tell you, there are moments when she doesn't want to be there either.




lol! So true. Hahaaaa


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

BioFury said:


> Lol, I do not have children (thank God). If I have my way, that won't change. But, I'm religious, and 99.99% of religious women want babies, and not getting married isn't an option for me. So... *huff* *I'm not sure what the plan is to be quite frank*.


It's not complicated, the plan should be to NEVER get married or to marry someone that falls into the 0.01% of religious women that don't want kids.

Being a parent is taken way too lightly by a lot of people so it is good you don't want to be one, the worst thing for you to do is to have children. You do sound quite selfish and this does not bode well for parenting which often needs to be a selfless thing. Best plan is to forgo marriage and be true to yourself, if you don't want kids then absolutely do not do it.

As for me I have 3 incredible humans to my name. Was damn hard work for many years but my life would be empty without them.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Of course...SOMEBODY has to joke with the doctor during the procedure!
:smile2:


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

MrsHolland said:


> It's not complicated, the plan should be to NEVER get married or to marry someone that falls into the 0.01% of religious women that don't want kids.
> 
> Being a parent is taken way too lightly by a lot of people so it is good you don't want to be one, the worst thing for you to do is to have children. You do sound quite selfish and this does not bode well for parenting which often needs to be a selfless thing. Best plan is to forgo marriage and be true to yourself, if you don't want kids then absolutely do not do it.
> 
> As for me I have 3 incredible humans to my name. Was damn hard work for many years but my life would be empty without them.




Well said. 


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> It's not complicated, the plan should be to NEVER get married or to marry someone that falls into the 0.01% of religious women that don't want kids.
> 
> Being a parent is taken way too lightly by a lot of people so it is good you don't want to be one, the worst thing for you to do is to have children. You do sound quite selfish and this does not bode well for parenting which often needs to be a selfless thing. Best plan is to forgo marriage and be true to yourself, if you don't want kids then absolutely do not do it.
> 
> As for me I have 3 incredible humans to my name. Was damn hard work for many years but my life would be empty without them.


I'm not sure how the religion factors into it, but we know and are friends with a few married couples who do not want children. They found each other, knew they both didn't want kids, so they don't have them. They went through permanent forms of birth control (tubal ligation and vasectomy) to try to prevent it from accidentally happening. And they are perfectly happy! I don't see why it's such a big deal - just be honest about who you are and don't get with a woman who does want kids. 

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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

MrsHolland said:


> It's not complicated, the plan should be to NEVER get married or to marry someone that falls into the 0.01% of religious women that don't want kids.
> 
> Being a parent is taken way too lightly by a lot of people so it is good you don't want to be one, the worst thing for you to do is to have children. You do sound quite selfish and this does not bode well for parenting which often needs to be a selfless thing. Best plan is to forgo marriage and be true to yourself, if you don't want kids then absolutely do not do it.
> 
> As for me I have 3 incredible humans to my name. Was damn hard work for many years but my life would be empty without them.


Not marrying isn't an option. But yes, I agree that I shouldn't have kids. I like free time and my wife's attention far too much to tolerate them.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If the wife wants him there, any husband worth his snot is going to BE there for her during the labour and the actual birth. The labour isn't the least bit gross, and at the VERY least he can stand at her head when the gory parts happen. He should also have attended all the childbirth classes with her and be a part of the birth plan.

Re to have or not have kids: I have three incredible grown kids and if I could go back in time.............................I am not 100% sure I would choose to have kids. I had them by default, without ever really putting much thought into it. I had them young, which I am glad about but things with their biodad were never great and they suffered. I love them furiously, and I love my grandson as much as them. My life would be so completely different without them. I wouldn't have stayed with their father far longer than I should have. I wouldn't have endured years of sleep deprivation and trauma to my mind and body. I wouldn't have the thrills and laughs I have on a daily basis - the pride bursting from my chest or the joy watching them discover something wonderful. I'd probably be far more well traveled and in a totally different career. I would be retired or retiring by this point because I would have saved instead of spent. 

The biggest thing for me was and still is the worry. EVERYTHING worries me. I thought it would stop when they grew up but it doesn't. Every time I hear of a car crash I wonder if it's them. Every day, often multiple times a day, I think about each of them and where they are and if they're safe and happy, whether they had a bad day or a good day. If they don't answer my texts or their phone for a couple of hours I start to wonder why and a million horrible scenarios go through my head. It's only my kids (and now my grandson) that I worry about in this way. I never wonder about my husband or my parents or my siblings like this. And certainly not my pets. I rarely do or say anything about the worry, but it's always there, like that debt guy riding on that womans back in the commercial.

So if I had it to do over, I might just not. It's exhausting to spend your life worrying like that. I don't know. Today I'm melancholy. Tomorrow I might say the complete opposite. Because many days I can't imagine life without them.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I was there during both births and experienced the personalities of my daughters from day 1.

The older wanted nothing to do with sleep. I have pictures of her being held by mom and nurses, and she was bright eyed looking around just curious. One older nurse commented that were screwed, she will not be an easy child to put to bed etc. 100% right.

Second girl totally different. Looked around for a few minutes, made all the right noises, was not impressed, went to sleep. To this day a very mellow and collected child. 

The overall experience was incredible.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

john117 said:


> I was there during both births and experienced the personalities of my daughters from day 1.
> 
> The older wanted nothing to do with sleep. I have pictures of her being held by mom and nurses, and she was bright eyed looking around just curious. One older nurse commented that were screwed, she will not be an easy child to put to bed etc. 100% right.
> 
> ...


The topic is not so much what you thought about being present, but how being present affected your feelings toward your wife, if at all. And as a piggy back, exactly how would you rate your level of emotional support toward your wife during labor and delivery.


Men should...yes men should... but reality is what we deal with. In reality how supportive is your husband? Do you have to lead him by the hand for each and every emotional issue you face? Does he have ANY capability to intuit your emotional needs? If not, can he be trusted to pick up a damn book and read about how to be a source of emotional support during labor? If not, tell him to wait outseide with the rest of peanut gallery and invite a close woman friend who has given birth to be your comfort. Maybe your husband can come into the labor room a few times...


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

When my wife got pregnant I was ecstatic. I was at every doctor appointment and we had to go every week. I made her lunch each day, with everything you can imagine in it. When she went into labor, I had her there in thirty eight minutes, normally a one hour ride. I begged the doctor to let me watch (c-section) but I was denied. Instead I was able to sit at my wife's head and encourage her all the way through. I loved it!!! In my opinion it should be up to the wife and husband. But I can't imagine not being there for the birth of your child.


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## OldManMage (Jun 6, 2017)

I was there for all 5. For the first one my boss told me I didn't need any time off for it, that I didn't need to be there. I told him he was welcome to fire me and left. He didnt.

First, I almost passed out so they got me a stool to sit on. This was before LDR's. It's memorable because the doc had her push for the afterbirth and she squirted blood everywhere. All over the doc, the wall, the nurse walking past... I learned why they wear those plastic shields over their faces sometimes. Lol

Second one, we had a military police escort for because I was speeding on post to get her to the hospital. She almost had him in the toilet in her room. The doc didn't make it to the room in time so the nurse and I delivered him. Or maybe that was the third...

Third was mostly uneventful, unless that's the one I helped deliver who knows, but they had LDR's by then so it was much more comfortable.

Fourth she was induced so we had our oldest daughter present as well. It was probably the best "use birth control" discussion you could ever have. 

The last one I thought I was going to have to deliver on the side of the road but we made it. Good thing too, she ended up in NICU for two weeks.

I cut the cord for all five.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

This has been very interesting discussion to me. I find it hard to believe that today, a father would not want and insist to be there. It's his kid. Relating this experience to even thinking about sticking my c*** back in there and any possible impact of pleasure never even acurred to me. To me, not being there would almost be like surrenduring /saying I'm secondary in this. Not me. I'm an equal or more in this. 

I "caught" both my kids. They are mine and I demand to be the first to really touch them and put them on Mom to touch/hold. This is no big deal. Neither Doc had any issue with this as long as I was educated on what was going on and prepared. Which as their Dad why the hell would I not be. Maybe because my kids were planned and wanted my thoughts are different. Maybe because I was in my 30's and had seen some of life I was ready. It would taken shackles and a loaded gun to my head to stop me from being there.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

I was there for both my kids' arrivals. I couldn't wait to meet them. Even though there were complications in each birth wild horses couldn't have dragged me away. In addition to wanting to say "hello" I also wanted to be there if there were going to be any goodbyes. Sure, it was hard but I seem to recall to uttering some vow or whatnot that included the words "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health."


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

In our case both labor and childbirth instances were a blur (2-3 hours max) so the emotional support opportunity was limited. We had done the class and knew what to expect to some extent but in reality it went way too fast.

Overall I went to all appointments, and generally was very involved. Her mother was visiting us towards the end of the pregnancy but left two weeks before due date... So my emotional support bar wasn't too high to begin with 😀


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

In the jest of comic relief for this thread and @MrsAldi since she is a fan of memes and all that...

I was listing to my radio one day while dropping the kids at school and they have a part of the show called "group therapy thursdays." An expecting mother called in to discuss an issue she was having with her husband's desire to be in the delivery room with her during childbirth. The problem was that he was so excited that he also invited his brother and dad to attend the childbirth and could not understand why his wife was having issues. She needed listeners to the show to school her husband up on why that was not a good idea. He argued that childbirth was a very natural thing and that he wanted his family to witness a new addition to help carry on the family name. 

OMG this guy got eaten alive by people calling in! Nurses from the local hospital called in as well to advise the wife that she would have full control over exactly who could be in the room simply by saying so.
@MrsAldi you should mess with your husband and tell him that your mom and dad are planning to be in the delivery room with you and that he better be there!


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

I'd eat him alive too- no way would I have wanted my FIL and other extended family members in the room while I was giving birth. Yes, it's a natural process, but so is sex, and I wouldn't want them in the room for that either! Childbirth is one of the most personal experiences a woman can go through. It's up to her who is in the room, barring medical experts if necessary.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I was in the room for both deliveries. Cut both cords. Wouldn't have missed it for anything.

And I agree that Mom gets to decide who can be in the room.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

badsanta said:


> In the jest of comic relief for this thread and @MrsAldi since she is a fan of memes and all that...
> 
> I was listing to my radio one day while dropping the kids at school and they have a part of the show called "group therapy thursdays." An expecting mother called in to discuss an issue she was having with her husband's desire to be in the delivery room with her during childbirth.
> 
> ...


I think only one person is allowed in here. 

But I have been making jokes regarding the birth. 

"Vaginas are like clown cars, more than one baby could come out you know... "

For a minute there, he actually believed it...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MrsAldi said:


> I think only one person is allowed in here.
> 
> But I have been making jokes regarding the birth.
> 
> ...




Don't forget to have him research placenta recipes, because you need to cook and eat it while it is fresh, and you are going to be in recovery while he runs home to make this nourishing meal for you two (OMG I would absolutely pass out if I had to cook a placenta!)...










I'll probably offend some by making a joke out of this, but seriously I could not even bring myself to look at the placenta after the kids were born. I do not do too well at the sight of blood. I pass out!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Badsanta, that one cracked me up, thanks

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## pbj2016 (May 7, 2017)

My one rule concerning man in the delivery room: If he was there at the conception he should be there at the delivery. 

If he is uneducated at how to be a coach and support partner then he needs to man up and learn how to become that for you. I am squeamish about any perceived trauma (very high fight or flight response) so I tried to stay away from the business end for each of our 5 children. I almost had to deliver our 3rd child myself all while hollering for the nurse that it was time based on what my wife was doing. Trying to keep my kid from being born on the floor and trying to reach the call lanyard for the nurse at the same time was quite the juggling act. 

As far as him being worried that he won't look at your vagina with the same perspective after witnessing childbirth...he is right. I didn't look at my wife the same after childbirth. In fact, I looked at her with immense respect that I didn't even know I was lacking before childbirth. 


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> My husband stated that he is not sure if he should attend the delivery process and after watching a video of childbirth, I actually agree with him. He's hardly touched me since the conception of this pregnancy, I fear that if he sees the other part, he may not want me sexually ever again.
> 
> Any ladies husband's have any similar issues? Or are you a husband who has experienced the birthing process, did it affect your sexual attraction towards your wife?
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


You don't have to stand there to see the head when it starts crowning. No one says he has to watch the after birth being delivered. If he can't handle it, he shouldn't be there. I can't imagine sending my wife through that by herself.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

@MrsAldi, another important consideration is that you need someone who can ADVOCATE for you. You will be very preoccupied, experiencing a range of emotions, and you have no idea the sorts of decisions that might need to be made. If your husband is not going to take initiative, stand up for YOU and the best interests of you & baby, then you should seriously consider having another family member or friend there who WILL.


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## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

It was the greatest moment of my life. 50 years later and I still feel the same way about him.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I heard not being present during childbirth be held against husbands many times. I was present during all three births probably only because I didn't want to get blamed for "not being there". It would end up being another thing I'd have to apologize for later even if she said she didn't want me there. 

If I had a good marriage I would really want to be there just for her...but since that wasn't the case....she turned it into another huge argument. I couldn't even be there for the birth of my own kids without her turning it into a negative experience.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

urf said:


> It was the greatest moment of my life. 50 years later and I still feel the same way about him.


I know. My five children were the five best gifts I ever got. Well, along with my husband!


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## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

jb02157 said:


> I heard not being present during childbirth be held against husbands many times. I was present during all three births probably only because I didn't want to get blamed for "not being there". It would end up being another thing I'd have to apologize for later even if she said she didn't want me there.
> 
> If I had a good marriage I would really want to be there just for her...but since that wasn't the case....she turned it into another huge argument. I couldn't even be there for the birth of my own kids without her turning it into a negative experience.


It seems to me that you are looking at this the wrong way. For her???? It's for you!!!! The experience would be something you carried forward and shared with the child.

I was there at the first seconds of my son's lifetime as was my wife. We shared that. It can not be taken away from us... ever.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

urf said:


> It seems to me that you are looking at this the wrong way. For her???? It's for you!!!! The experience would be something you carried forward and shared with the child.
> 
> I was there at the first seconds of my son's lifetime as was my wife. We shared that. It can not be taken away from us... ever.


Perhaps I am, and it doesn't surprise me. Back then I did whatever I had to do to avoid arguments and nasty lashing out from my wife. What mattered to me and what I wanted to do mattered little if nothing at all. I am glad that I did it and I was there to experience all three births, but she made one of them in particular just another nasty, ugly experience that ended with a huge one of her tirades in front of the doctors and nurses. I was so embarrassed I wanted to hide in the closet. 

I wish we could have shared these moments as they were meant to be shared. I guess I have to leave that up to others to have those moments.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

It's time for him to man up. No way in hell I was going to miss that. On a side note my mil was pissed that she wasn't allowed in the room, but like the wife told her, "It's our moment, not yours." 

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## gt30743 (Apr 10, 2017)

My husband was there for all three deliveries. No problem with lack of desire afterward for him. My thought is that if he wants to be there, then he should be there. If he doesn't feel he can handle it or doesn't want to be in the delivery room, then he doesn't have to be in there. 

I was glad he was there and felt comforted that he was there for me and our family during that time, but if he didn't want to be there it would have been fine.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I was with my wife for all three of ours. They were all C-section. I watched the doc slice her open and basically peel her like a grapefruit, then popped a baby out like a scene from Alien.
> 
> I filmed it.


Same with me, except I did not film it. My wife didn't want the nurses helping her shower during recovery.

So I helped her shower & had to catch the "clots" so nurse could measure blood loss. Clots being a understatement. Wife heard a "splat", she says "What was that", Nothing, just look at me. She looks down & I had to hold her up cuz she just about passed out.

The greatest struggle for me was worrying about her. I've cleaned a lot of deer, so blood does not bother me, but those are not my wife.

I would not have missed it for anything. 

All thou, I remember when I held my firstborn, I could feel the responsibility settle on my shoulders. I always have provided for my wife, but she could also work herself. Now there is a little baby dependant on me bringing home the bacon.


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## Tyvinjoot (Jul 13, 2017)

Yes! It should be,

As for my experience, I am the one who gives strength to my wife during giving birth for my 1st kid. I'm always by her side in her labor and gives what ever she needs. Support of a husband is the most powerful thing that you can give to your wife during that day.

I am always excited to see the face of my baby upon birth. 

Not all guys have the guts to see the scenario in the Operating room of his wife so they move away and go back when everything is done.


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