# How do you know it's over?



## BIGJ (Mar 12, 2009)

This is just an outsider asking this question to all of you divorcee's out there. How did you know(or know currently) when it was "over"? How did you feel about it? your spouse? any chance of reconcilliation?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

1st marriage - realised as soon as we got married, it was over.

2nd marriage- tried on several occasions through different circumstances to make the marriage work.
ive since finally decided after trying whole heartedly for a yr to work, well its simply not working.
H in denial at the moment.
he now wants to change. ive asked for divorce.
chance of recon - well i really think this marriage is done.
got to a point of , in a couple of months, it wil go down hill again.
im not prepared for that.


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## YoungMilitarySpouse (Apr 9, 2009)

That's the same question I had....how do you know when there's hope? When is it okay to end a marriage? 
Honestly, you had to almost detach yourself from it...look at yourself and your relationship...do you see other couples and find yourself jealous or longing? does your spouse say he/she wants to fix it and is actually trying? do you dread coming home when youre out or at work? do you find yourself constantly biting your tongue to avoid an argument or disagreement? do you just not feel like yourself?

I dont know if you ever ever know for sure...but I hope I helped


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Absent issues of abuse (physical, verbal, drugs, alcohol, etc), I think it is really hard to know. I've begun the discussion and right now it feels right--i'm not having 2nd thoughts, which I thought I would. I found myself wanting to say, "I cannot make keeping you happy the entire focus of my life," and although I didn't say it (he doesn't need to hear that), the very realization that I think and feel this way was really important to me. 

To make a long response longer, I guess what I'm saying is, as the process unfolds, I think you become more or less secure in your decsion. That's why going slowly is important. It is not something that should start with "we're done." To me, that should come only after a lot of work and soul searching and counseling, individual or joint.


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## mrslmndz (Apr 14, 2009)

I've been separated from my husband about five months. One day he called me over the phone and said he was going to divorce me. That came out of nowhere we were not having any problems as a matter of fact we seemed to getting closer. The following two weeks he had given me the divorce forms for me to fill out, two weeks after that he gave the landlord a 30 day notice without me even knowing. that day he told me he was divorcing me he never came home to sleep.... One week before he had told me how he was so happy that we were on the same page and that we were working together on his dream. How lucky he was to have me as his wife.... Beats me, after it all he told me he was never happy with me and he was trying hard to make our relationship work. What do you mean????? He said he was due for a change? as when he quit his job three years before so he can pursue his career while I supported him.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

When only one person in the marriage is even trying to work on the marriage. It takes two people to make a marriage work. You will know when that is the case........


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## justplaintired (Apr 14, 2009)

I am thinking mine is over. I have been trying for 14 years to get the ability to forgive and love my wife fully again. She had an affair and I am unable to find any relief from the pain and tried so many years. It is like she has no clue as to my state of mind or she is ignoring it. the funny thing is we don't fight or argue over things. We are united on the path of our parenting but that is where it ends. I guess to finish and put my finger on when you know, would be when you have reached your personal limit as to what you will put up with.


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