# My husband is a slob..what should I do?



## Dally (Oct 18, 2012)

When we got married a few years ago, he wasn't this much of a slob...now, it is crazy...I know part of it is because his job...He's had it for a year and the hours are very long so he gets home he throws everything everywhere...leaves food out...leaves food everywhere (say juice in the bathroom the other day)...we have two babies so I am busy enough. I will go back to work soon and I don't know how to get him to just not throw everything everywhere... I don't need him to fold everything and clean the dishes, just don't leave eggs out for hours, and put clothes beside the front door...when I say anything, he says that I keep complaining everyday...the thing is, I am just repeating it everyday because I am going crazy. It's like he doesn't respect the house or me because he hasn't changed anything... What should I do? Every time we talk about it, he gets upset and stops talking...


----------



## AsTheStoryGoes (Oct 10, 2012)

Basically you just want him to clean up after himself, right? I've been trying to get my husband to do this for the past 5 years of being married. So when you figure it out, please share. 

In all honesty though I know exactly what you're going through. My husband is in school right now to become a cop and the hours are very long and he comes home absolutely exhausted. I'm left to pretty much do most of the things around the house (don't mind, as I am staying at home with the kids) but the only thing I ask is that he just clean up after himself, nothing crazy. Throwing your dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper isn't asking too much, is it? I choose my battles though. I don't mind helping him out a little extra because I also appreciate all the effort he's putting into school while I get to stay home all day and take care of our 1 month old and 2 year old. I know he's under stress, I don't want to add any extra. But cleaning up after yourself is part of being an ADULT.

Just try and talk to him about it. Do it on the weekend when you guys don't have anything to do. No pointing of fingers, or getting angry. Just talking. He may not EVER be able to do everything you want him to, but if he starts making small changes at a time, that's a start. And the fact that he wasn't always a slob means he should be able to put in a little more effort without a problem..


----------



## JoyfulHeart (Jun 12, 2012)

AsTheStoryGoes has some good points.

Pick your battles, nobody likes nor do they listen to someone who nags everyday. The ignore them or tell them they are complaining. Perhaps this is only a temporary thing for the time being, maybe it is something you two need to sit down and discuss, not argue, discuss.


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Well, this might be harsh (and doesn't work with food items, but still). First you ask, 2nd you ask more firmly 3rd you teach.

Obviously I'm sure you've done step 1 and step 2.

Step 3 for me would be to pile up his clothes and other crap (just not food) in the places he "relaxes" like his chair he sits in to watch TV or his side of the bed. It will force him to pick it up. And if he just kicks it off onto the floor. Put it in the other spot. And LEAVE IT THERE. If he keeps pushing it off etc. Just leave it there. DO NOT PICK UP AFTER HIM. He will eventually get sick of it.

Explain, you'll do laundry, but ONLY the stuff in the basket. If its not in the basket it doesn't get washed. This would work too. When he's rummaging around for underwear and has to decide between dirty and commando...it'll get him thinking.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Easy compromise.

Dirty clothes? You will wash them if they are put where they should be. Pick a spot... in a clothes basket in the bedroom, on the floor in the bathroom, piled in the laundry room. If they aren't there, they don't get washed.

Food? Leave it there. If it is there after a day, throw it out. When he realizes there are no eggs in the house and you explain they went bad by being unrefrigerated. When he gets food poisoning and spends the day in the bathroom, well...


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Sit down with him and talk in a businesslike way about the issue.

- Say you both have the same goals - that you live a happy, contented life together.
- Say that you know how busy he is & you are sure he knows the demands of the day that you face. 
- Say that there are a few things you need him to accomplish for you, in this case, picking up after himself.
- And then say - and this is very important - that you know there are a few things that you could do for him to make his life easier and you are happy to hear those.

Then make a list of things that you will do for one another to work together on this. It should be a short list, just a few things that will help - a few points of give and take.

Don't go on the offense or get defensive. Have a respectful discussion.


----------



## peasnrice (Oct 18, 2012)

Dally said:


> When we got married a few years ago, he wasn't this much of a slob...now, it is crazy...I* know part of it is because his job...He's had it for a year and the hours are very long *so he gets home he throws everything everywhere..*.leaves food out...leaves food everywhere (say juice in the bathroom the other day)*...*we have two babies* so I am busy enough. I will go back to work soon and I don't know how to get him to just not throw everything everywhere... I don't need him to fold everything and clean the dishes, just don't l*eave eggs out for hours,* and put *clothes beside the front door.*..when I say anything, he says that I keep complaining everyday...the thing is, I am just repeating it everyday because I am going crazy. It's like he doesn't respect the house or me because he hasn't changed anything... What should I do? Every time we talk about it, he gets upset and stops talking...


This sounds a lot like ADHD. I was never that great at cleaning, and awful at organization, but once I had a baby everything exploded into chaos. It was just too many things to remember and keep track of. I could never remember to put something away or bring dishes back to the kitchen because I forgot they existed after I stopped using them. I would go to do laundry and then find myself in the backyard trying to create a fence out of bamboo, or researching uncontacted peoples on the web, or something else random. Hubby also has it and he'll go to mount a picture frame but spend an hour sorting screws in the utility room instead. More responsibility makes it worse. 

I recently started taking meds (I was against them for years) and it's like a miriacle. Picking up aftetr myself is effortless, and I don't spastically bounce from one activity to the next while accomplishiung nothing quite so much. Hubby has the non-hyper type of ADHD so he was never bouncy, just absent minded and "lazy" (although he really wasn't).

This may not be your husband's problem but it's worth looking into. It was a lifechanger for us 

Here's some stuff you could read and see if it fits:

Adult ADD / ADHD: Signs, Symptoms, Effects, and Treatment


----------

