# Too much intercourse??



## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

I'm 66, my wife is 61, both look and act years younger. We've been married 7 years. She's generally focused on both of us having "equal pleasure" and denies herself pleasure in other parts of her life, which we talk about some and have made some progress.. She is concerned about too much intercourse - healthwise. Her OBGYN was glad we were having sex twice a week. She was too shy to ask her OBGYN if 3-4 times a week would be OK.

She orgasms easily with oral, and is done after that....well, after she's sure I've had an orgasm, that equal pleasure thing. I'd love to give her oral orgasms seven times a week, whether we have intercourse or not, and whether I have an orgasm on not. I very rarely orgasm with oral myself, prefer PIV, but am happy with other options too. We use plenty of lube. She does start to grimace after 10+ minutes of PIV, so I'll finish outside one way or another.

Do you have any suggestions or health resources which might suggest that 3 or 4 times a week would be fine too? Is there really a health concern about vaginal wall getting worn out or some other health issue? We're not going to be able to have sex forever, and I'd like us to have as much as we can, while we can. Thanks in advance for your thoughts.


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

My wife would love it 3-4 times a week. lol I think she would be ok with that but I am no Dr.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

If her vaginal walls haven't worn out after 61 years, what makes you think they will now?

Lube and go easy.


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

Perhaps I wasn't being clear. She seems to be worried about "too much intercourse" or maybe it's just "too much fun" or "too much pleasure". And she is unwilling to ask her doctor about it. I expect most of this is psychological, but I don't want to be dismissive of possible physical/medical issues also.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Wanna bet....yes you can have sex forever if you both decide that’s what you want....barring any medical conditions that arise.( no pun intended)
Use it or lose it is the saying but by the sounds of it...sex is quite frequent.
Unless there is some medical problem your wife’s doctor has diagnosed...there ‘s nothing stopping you from having PIV as much as you both want.

Lube will be your best friend!!

As the years go on...maybe PIV might not be an option for various reason....oral, toys, mutual masterbation should all keep your sex life alive till a ripe old age.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as too much pleasure or intercourse in fact (though I am not a medical person in any way) I would say it would be beneficial mentally and physically.

Is there anything in particular she is worried about?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Nothing constructive to add, just jealousy. Lots and lots of jealousy.

Good for you guys though.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

If it feels good, do it.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Is that even possible...too much sexual pleasure.
Ask your W specifically what “ too much” refers to.

If she does not want to talk to the doctor ...there are many sites on sex during or after Menopause that might give her the reassurance she needs to overcome this hump.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

"Too much intercourse??" is the name of my Talk Talk cover band.

Anyway, 'too much sex' is when either partner's body parts need time to recover. After recovery, have at it again! 

Stopping when the lube wears off and she indicates she's in pain is a good move.

3-4 times is doable as long as everything keeps working.


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

peacem said:


> I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as too much pleasure or intercourse in fact I would say it would be beneficial mentally and physically.
> 
> Is there anything in particular she is worried about?


I totally agree "too much pleasure??....beneficial mentally and physically." 
But she is a very generous person, volunteers A LOT, takes care of elder friends, sits on non-profit boards, etc. She loves TAKING CARE OF OTHERS. I expect that there's something deep in her that says it's bad or dangerous to Take Care of Herself TOO MUCH.

If I ask her, "What do you want to do tonight" "Where do you want to go for a walk" "What movie do you want to see" , she has difficulty answering. I'm gradually making progress with her about this, but it's slow going. She does choose for herself more often than she has in the past.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

God bless you for asking the question. 

"Do you smoke after sex?"
"I don't know - I've never looked!"


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Maybe she is trying to hint around that she only wants sex 2X a week?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As long as she is healthy, she can have all the sex she wants. 3-4 times a week is not too much.

When I say healthy, I mean if she does not have something like heart decease, certain types of lung problems.

Sex is the best exercise there is.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am your wife's age and I cant see anything wrong with sex as many times as you both want it. It would never occur to me to even ask a doctor, why would I? We never use lube, have never needed to. 
BTW most people of our sort of age think that we look and act younger than we are, in our minds we are still 40. I cant get away with that much longer as my son is 40 next year.:surprise:


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife is 62, and has orgasms every day, often more than once a day.

At 64 I have slowed down from the once a day we used to have for most of our marriage, so now we have intercourse only 3 or 4 times a week. Mary handles it just fine. She doesn't use any lube, but that's just her way. We do have Organic Coconut Oil if we ever want to use it.

If your wife grimaces at any time, there is something going on that you need to investigate. She probably thinks there is too much intercourse because it is sometimes painful. You need to figure out how to make certain it is never painful for her, even for a second.

About 10 years ago, my wife and I were having sex every day, and it started taking longer for me to orgasm. I developed a worn raw spot on the glans of my penis. The doctor ran tests, and in the end it turned out to just be friction. That's when we started using the Oil on occasion, and even condoms sometimes. To reduce the wear and tear on me! 

When it hurt, I considered reducing the frequency of intercourse. My wife did not like that idea at all.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Randy2 said:


> I'm 66, my wife is 61, both look and act years younger. We've been married 7 years. She's generally focused on both of us having "equal pleasure" and denies herself pleasure in other parts of her life, which we talk about some and have made some progress.. She is concerned about too much intercourse - healthwise. Her OBGYN was glad we were having sex twice a week. She was too shy to ask her OBGYN if 3-4 times a week would be OK.
> 
> She orgasms easily with oral, and is done after that....well, after she's sure I've had an orgasm, that equal pleasure thing. I'd love to give her oral orgasms seven times a week, whether we have intercourse or not, and whether I have an orgasm on not. I very rarely orgasm with oral myself, prefer PIV, but am happy with other options too. We use plenty of lube. She does start to grimace after 10+ minutes of PIV, so I'll finish outside one way or another.
> 
> Do you have any suggestions or health resources which might suggest that 3 or 4 times a week would be fine too? Is there really a health concern about vaginal wall getting worn out or some other health issue? We're not going to be able to have sex forever, and I'd like us to have as much as we can, while we can. Thanks in advance for your thoughts.


*I, for one, cannot see that if you’re both mentally and physically happy, that at least every other day should be the norm!*


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Early 60s for me, and we have sex almost daily (occasionally several times in a day). I don't think you can have "too much" intercourse without knowing that you're overdoing it - if you have soreness and chafing, back off a bit or use more lube. If you're not enjoying it, ease off until you aren't regretting it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Did you ever consider your wife is losing interest in sex and using "too much sex" as a reason to limit sex? I have never heard of someone who truly enjoys sex looking for an excuse not to induldge.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Why don't you perform your own experiment? Do it 3-4 times per week for a month, and at the end of the month you both can make an assessment of how much physical or psychological ("too much pleasure") damage was done. It's not like you're going to kill anyone. Just the exercise alone is good for you.


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

Thanks for all your responses. 
Certainly,as I wrote before, a big part of problem is that it is not easy for her to talk about or nod or wink or confirm "What she wants" or what feels good to her. As I wrote, she's more interested in what other people want and what feels good to them. Unfortunately, that "other people" interest doesn't always include our sex life, but we're getting better at the communication piece. 

Her difficulty with asking for "What she wants" and/or accepting personal pleasure would often be denigrated as co-dependence, except that it does make her genuinely happy. So it's a balance which I continue to try to tip in "our" direction, as she does enjoy sex when we're having it.


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