# My wife is a monster. Please help!



## MiserableMatt (Jun 13, 2016)

I have been married to my wife for 9 months. I am American, and she is Chinese. She is a monster. She goes literally batsh*t crazy on the smallest thing. She hits me and kicks me. She constantly threatens suicide and divorce. For example, tonight, she started talking about money in a serious and negative tone. According to her, my "face dropped and became negative." See, she has very specific facial expressions and voice pitch/range/timbre that she considers "acceptable".

Now, because of this, the night is ruined. She will be yelling at me, threatening divorce and suicide, accusing me, and possible hitting me, until early in the morning: I have to wake up at 6, but she often makes me stay up to suffer, and I never am rested.

I wish I knew what to do. She is a real monster. I am terrified to live in my own house. I have to keep my face in a plain, expressionless "Botox" stare, or else I will be accused of having "a negative face". And if I just sit here silently and mind my own business, she will attack me and try to provoke me.

Do I have any hope? Are all women like this? Should I leave her and disappear and never see her again? Should I jump off a bridge? Help! :crying:


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Call 911 next time she hits you or threatens suicide, to document the incident. Then, file for divorce (start looking for a lawyer NOW). This is a simple, straightforward, no-brainer decision.


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## MiserableMatt (Jun 13, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Call 911 next time she hits you, to document the incident. Then, file for divorce (start looking for a lawyer NOW). This is a simple, straightforward, no-brainer decision.


The problem is that she told me if I ever call 911, she will tell the police that I hit her, and we all know that US police will believe her over me. She also threatens to kill herself if I call the police. How could I live with that?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

get out


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

how was she when you were dating?

how long did you court her to get to know her?

did her monsterness just come out of the blue, or were there red flags before you were married?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

better to live out of your car, or in some dingy motel room than spend another night with some crazy violent woman.

nothing good can come from it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MiserableMatt said:


> The problem is that she told me if I ever call 911, she will tell the police that I hit her, and we all know that US police will believe her over me. She also threatens to kill herself if I call the police. How could I live with that?


Buy a few Voice Activated Recorders and put them around the house, and/or keep one on you.

There was one incident in the news recently where a husband fitted himself with a gopro and captured his wife abusing him.She got arrested.

Ex-US Army Ranger uses a GoPro to prove his estranged wife's abuse and catches her | Daily Mail Online


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

MiserableMatt said:


> The problem is that she told me if I ever call 911, she will tell the police that I hit her, and we all know that US police will believe her over me. She also threatens to kill herself if I call the police. How could I live with that?


If you have sufficient cuts & bruises the police will no doubt see who the real abuser is. You cannot give in to her threats. 
If she's threatening that if you call, tell the police everything she said, believe me they will help you, if you stay calm & tell the truth about her. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## MiserableMatt (Jun 13, 2016)

jorgegene said:


> how was she when you were dating?
> 
> how long did you court her to get to know her?
> 
> did her monsterness just come out of the blue, or were there red flags before you were married?


It came out after marriage.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Matt, you can try to talk with her in a calm moment and see why she's changed? Can you suggest therapy?

It's odd that she'd change so radically since marriage, usually there's a reason. If you can fond the reason, perhaps you can address it. 

Either way, I'd let her know these behaviors are unacceptable to you and that if they do not stop, you'll leave. Just don't talk about any of this in the heat of battle, it's important to plan for this when things are generally OK.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Just leave her. Find an apartment and don't tell her where it is. Tell her you are leaving, and you will be filing for divorce. Separate your finances. Talk via text only. Don't speak over the phone Bc she will just yell at you. She will never change.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

MiserableMatt said:


> The problem is that she told me if I ever call 911, she will tell the police that I hit her, and we all know that US police will believe her over me. She also threatens to kill herself if I call the police. How could I live with that?


You need to get out. I'm speaking from experience. Women like this are the worst kind of women you can get into a relationship with. 

There's 2 ways to deal with this: the hard way and the really hard way. I'd say the less difficult path is get a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) and keep it on you at all times. You can show it to the cops when they arrive. 

If you can afford it, a very small GoPro to attach to your belt is a good way to protect yourself from these things as well. GoPros are a little more obvious though, so she'll definitely know you're recording her. VARs are easy to hide.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Immediately file for divorce.

Get a voice activated recorder to protect yourself from any false claims of domestic violence.

If you need to leave your house, do it. If there are any children involved (hope not), take them w/ you.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MiserableMatt (Jun 13, 2016)

Thanks everyone. We have no children, thank goodness. I will start secretly recording her abuse. It is going to be so hard, but I guess I need to get away from her. I am so sad. I want her to get therapy, but we cannot afford it right now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long did you date her before you married her?

How old are the two of you?

Do you rent the place where you live? Or do you own it? Is her name on the deed?

Does she have a job?

Do you have any family or friends who you could stay with for a while?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to get away from this woman and divorcer her ASAP.

There is nothing you can do to change her behavior, what you see is what you got when you married her. So end the marriage.

The only thing left really are the details.

Step 1: Get way from her NOW.. This why the details from the questions I asked above are important. Need those answers before I can give you some detailed suggestions about how to get away from her.

Get a lawyer and file for divorce ASAP. You have only been married for 9 months. This should be a pretty easy divorce.

Have the lawyer serve her the divorce papers this week. And have him/her include a letter telling her that you will not talk to her. The only way that you will communicate with her is via email.

Today, go get a voice activated recorder and keep it on you at all times when you are near her, in the house, etc. She is apparently willing to lie to set you up, so you need to protect yourself.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

If you have a cell phone record the conversation you are having with her and take a good picture of her. As soon as you take the picture you call 911 and ask for help.

The picture has the time and place your took it. Make sure it records that. The timing of the 911 call will show that if she has cuts or bruises, they did not come from you. If 911 takes too long to come out. Take pictures of where you are to make a timeline and timeframe. She can't threaten you and you just take it. You are not a child that can allow her to manipulate you that way.

Take pictures, stay on the line with whoever to make a stamped proof that her allegations are made up!


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## MiserableMatt (Jun 13, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> How long did you date her before you married her?
> 
> How old are the two of you?
> I am 42, she is 31.
> ...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

katiecrna said:


> Just leave her. Find an apartment and don't tell her where it is. Tell her you are leaving, and you will be filing for divorce. Separate your finances. Talk via text only. Don't speak over the phone Bc she will just yell at you. She will never change.


Don't even tell her. Make your plan and move your stuff out while she isn't home. I think this is the only way you are going to be able to get out without her going batsh!t crazy and blocking you. Glad to see that you have started to record her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MiserableMatt said:


> I have been married to my wife for 9 months. I am American, and she is Chinese. She is a monster. She goes literally batsh*t crazy on the smallest thing. She hits me and kicks me. She constantly threatens suicide and divorce. For example, tonight, she started talking about money in a serious and negative tone. According to her, my "face dropped and became negative." See, she has very specific facial expressions and voice pitch/range/timbre that she considers "acceptable".
> 
> Now, because of this, the night is ruined. She will be yelling at me, threatening divorce and suicide, accusing me, and possible hitting me, until early in the morning: I have to wake up at 6, but she often makes me stay up to suffer, and I never am rested.
> 
> ...


Sudden onset aggression can be caused by the below:

Brain stroke/bleeding
Tumor in brain..........cancer
Severe blow to head
Drugs...methamphetamine?
Other drugs...there are many....alcoholism?
BPD
PTSD
Mania
Schizophrenia
Hypoglycemia- is she fasting?
Brain Abscess- infection
Endocrine system cancer or severe disorder.

If she has any of these disorders it is your moral responsibility to get her through this...to get her to a better place.

Do not bail on her. Make every effort to get to the bottom of this.

You will need to take her to her PCP. Tell the MD what her symptoms are.

Eventually, you may be forced to leave her if she will not work with you, if she will not address her problems.

But by then, you did "right by her". You did the "In sickness and in health" part, of your marriage vows.

Right now, she IS broken, may get better....or get worse. 

For your own safety, do not poke the bear. She sounds dangerous.

Good luck, my friend...you will need it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long did you date her before marrying her?

What was she like when you dated her? Did you see any of this craziness?

Did she move to the USA from China to marry you? 

Ok, with the additional info... my suggestion is that you get out of your apartment and go stay with a family member or friend for a while. Get an attorney and file for divorce. 

If you can get some of her angry outbursts and threats on a recording or video, you can use those to ask your attorney to get a restraining order against her and get the court to order her to move out of your apartment.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I notice, OP, that you have refused to answer straightforward questions regarding how long the two of you dated or knew each other prior to your marriage. For that reason, and due to the troubles in your brief marriage, I'm guessing it wasn't _nearly_ long enough. 

Get a divorce as quickly and safely as you can. Let your attorney advise you on how best to do that. And in future, date a woman - in person - for at least 3 years prior to marriage.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

:wtf:

Your only moral obligation is to rid yourself of this shrew you married.

You aren't responsible for her emotional responses, or physical abuse.

Did she marry you to gain citizenship?


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

OP leave her immediately. If she kills herself then that is on her not you. Stop making that your cross to bare. Odds are she's telling you that as a means of control. She wants to be able to treat you like garbage while preventing you from leaving by threatening suicide. If you don't have kids separate your finances and just leave.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MiserableMatt said:


> Do I have any hope? Are all women like this? Should I leave her and disappear and never see her again? Should I jump off a bridge? Help! :crying:


Um, no we are not. Your wife is crazy.



MiserableMatt said:


> The problem is that she told me if I ever call 911, she will tell the police that I hit her, and we all know that US police will believe her over me. She also threatens to kill herself if I call the police. How could I live with that?


She won't do it, she's only saying that to manipulate and control you. On the **very** slim chance that she does, that's on her 100%. You are NOT responsible for her behaviour.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

MiserableMatt said:


> The problem is that she told me if I ever call 911, she will tell the police that I hit her, and we all know that US police will believe her over me. She also threatens to kill herself if I call the police. How could I live with that?


Get her to admit that on voice activated recorder and / or video.

People will stop using threats of suicide as a tactic when they figure out what it means when 911 is called.

They will haul her away. She will spend a minimum of 72 hours locked up, and possibly far more.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Oh, and use that 72 hours to your advantage.

She should be served with a restraining order and divorce papers before she's released. Then disappear on her. Go total black, no contact of any kind.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

Send her back to China on a one way ticket, then promptly file for divorce.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

MiserableMatt said:


> The problem is that she told me if I ever call 911, she will tell the police that I hit her, and we all know that US police will believe her over me. She also threatens to kill herself if I call the police. How could I live with that?


Casually start audio recording with your phone inside your pocket. Game over for her. As a side note, committing suicide is illegal. So if the police show up, and she goes off on a suicide rant, they may be able to arrest her and put her in the psych ward.

But as others have said, next time she leaves, change the locks, and put all her stuff outside. When you see her come home, watch a movie, or listen to some music. A very loud movie/music.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

MiserableMatt said:


> Do I have any hope? Are all women like this? Should I leave her and disappear and never see her again? Should I jump off a bridge? Help! :crying:


You have two option:

A) Bail, get an annulment, a restraining order and never look back

B) Out crazy her. Display completely irrational behavior at random times of day. Examples: Eat cottage cheese out of a football helmet, wearing spandex and singing the star spangled banner over and over again. Or dig a 5 foot hole in the back yard, fill it with water, food coloring and go swimming in it in a bikini top and bottom. 

Good Luck!


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

Run Forrest Run !


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Does she have family here?


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## Nix2 (Jun 16, 2016)

MiserableMatt said:


> I have been married to my wife for 9 months. I am American, and she is Chinese. She is a monster. She goes literally batsh*t crazy on the smallest thing. She hits me and kicks me. She constantly threatens suicide and divorce. For example, tonight, she started talking about money in a serious and negative tone. According to her, my "face dropped and became negative." See, she has very specific facial expressions and voice pitch/range/timbre that she considers "acceptable".
> 
> Now, because of this, the night is ruined. She will be yelling at me, threatening divorce and suicide, accusing me, and possible hitting me, until early in the morning: I have to wake up at 6, but she often makes me stay up to suffer, and I never am rested.
> 
> ...


Your W is mentally ill, from the sound of it BPD. She is a textbook case. No, all women are not like this. Two years or so of dating, and a year or more of living together, before marriage will reveal whether or not a prospective spouse has these issues. 

I would contact an attorney and leave her. No matter what, please don't get her pregnant.


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## TRUTHSEEKER60 (Jun 23, 2016)

Get out now! No one should have to endure that type of behavior. You have not been together that long. You'll look back at what you went through some day and be thankful you are out. Best of luck to you!


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

She won't kill herself. She enjoys making others too miserable to ruin that by being dead.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

How do you meet. You say your American and she is Chinesse. This implies she is from China. How did you meet? Was this a mail order situation? 

My brother was stationed in Korea in the 80s and two of the guys who reported to him married Korea woman. Until they married they where lazy, always late, first to split. They thought they struck gold with an oriental submissive life. Then the ying yang struck. Yes in public they where submissive but within the walls of THEIR home they ruled with an iron fist. Soon these two guys where the first to report in, last to leave and their work preformce soared. So in their case I guess they married well. (hee hee))

You both had major hidden assumptions going into the marriage.

This is just the opening round for you. The divorce will be rough. Move out and see a lawyer.


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