# was it all a lie???



## wintergirl82 (Jan 31, 2012)

Hey everyone, I'm fairly new here, first time posting on here ever, and figured I could get some input on my situation. Thanks.. 

My husband and I, have been together for over 11 years, and we've been married for 2.. We just got a brand new house together about 6 months ago, and things were so good over the last couple of years. However, his family moved in.. about 3 months ago, because they are waiting to have their house built, and it has put a lot of pressure on our marriage.. Not just financially, but emotionally. 
After they moved in, things started to change. He began to pull away, and tell me he wanted to go have more guy nights without me, and he would become very angry, if i would tell him that bills were due on a certain date, because we were both responsible for payin certain bills..he had this things in his head where his money is his money so i can't tell him what he can and cannot buy.. so he was very impulsive with his money.. . Not to menntion the added stress of his parents coming to me and telling me how i should run my house and not to eat their food that they bought, but they would eat our food.. or the fact that we would go shopping, or a night out, whether it would be grocery shopping, or a bar, he would leave me there at midnight, for me to walk home.. 

My sister in law is also extremely good friends with my husband.. , he had been staying there for 2 weeks before he told me he wanted a divorce.. I tried talkin to him over and over, asking him if everything was ok, and he kept saying, I love you so much everything is soo good. but she on the other hand would start saying things like.. i set my alarm for 4:30 a.m. every time your husband works, so I can be up, when he gets home.. and she knew that there was something going on, but she said.. to mind my own business and let him do what he wants.. I talked to him the other day, and he asked if he could stay another night at their house, and i told him i really wanted him home, and then over the telephone, he said he wanted a divorce and didn't love me anymore. He never loved me over the last 11 years. He said it so casually like it was nothing. Not to mention shortly after that, My sister in law called me up and said, she didn't want to see me, and she didn't want me to see her kids either....it's almost making me believe there is something going on... if not physical.. then emotionally... something is off.. 

right now, i am living in the house that we bought together, and his family is still there as well, but will be moving very shortly.. I don't know how to deal with this, cause i feel like the past 11 years was a sham.. nothing more.. I didn't just lose my husband, but I lost family too.. I'm just waiting for another bombshell to drop, I put my complete trust in him and he lied to me...... How can i still love someone, that looks at me the way he does. The thought of him finding someone else, and having to start my life all over. is unbearable to even think about.. i think the worst part is... our mutual friends are now starting to pick sides.. 

a huge part of me wants to fight for our marriage, but he just seems soo stone cold..I'm so mad that he decided to just run away from the issues that we were having... I don't know what to do.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

man this is so confusing.

You think your husband is having an affair with who?!


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## wintergirl82 (Jan 31, 2012)

my sister in law.. sorry.. if i wasn't clear on everything.. but something seems really off.. i also found out she is plannin on leaving my brother... a mutual friend of ours told me..


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## wintergirl82 (Jan 31, 2012)

and forgot to mention. that , i found out i am pregnant with his child..  dont even know how to deal with that along with everything else that has just happened for that matter.


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

ugly situation.. Sorry
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Holy Cow!!
What a horrible, horrible situation.
Grieve...it will be heart wrenching, but that's the only way you can move on. 
If what you are saying is true about your husband being stone cold, then there's really nothing you could do. Pleading with him will make you pathetic in his eyes, which is totally undesirable for anyone.
I feel bad for you...I'm going through the process of divorce right now, and I just want to crawl under a rock and disappear.
I can't even imagine how it's like for you..


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## wintergirl82 (Jan 31, 2012)

He doesn't know that I'm pregnant, as I just found out over the weekend. I have no idea what I'm gonna do about that.. . I'm so humiliated that he ended our marriage over the telephone as well. He didn't have enough respect for me to do it to my face after all these years.


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

I don't think he's going to really leave you. he's being a jerk so he can have his cake and eat it too. take it day by day and give it time. do you want him or the marriage?


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## wintergirl82 (Jan 31, 2012)

i thought i did... I'm scared to do this on my own, and i also don't understand how he could tell me one day how much he loves me, and then the next day.. tell me he wants a divorce.


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

The only think helpful I can add is to really really be careful not to make a rash decision about your pregnancy. Whatever you decide you are going to live with that decision forever. Do you have a close friend (not connected to wh) that you can confide in? Maybe a counsellor would be useful. Its difficult because of course if you don't want to continue the pregnancy the earlier you have the procedure the easier it will be (medically speaking) but emotionally you have so much going on its going to be hard for you to be grounded enough to make good decisions. 

I'm a midwife so helping women who are pregnant is my job... Feel free to pm me if you want to talk x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

I've just notice this thread is over a week old. I hope you are ok x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

I'd also suggest keeping the pregnancy to yourself and maybe a close friend until you have thought through your options. This is our decision and te more people you tell the more opinions you will have to deal with
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

wintergirl82 said:


> i thought i did... I'm scared to do this on my own, and i also don't understand how he could tell me one day how much he loves me, and then the next day.. tell me he wants a divorce.


I completely understand what you're going through. I was/am going through the same, my wife told me she loves me, and wanted to start having kids...a month later, said she wants a divorce, and is now a completely different person...a nasty, vicious, heartless person.

People don't make sense sometimes...sadly, we may never get the closure we are looking for...the answers we so desperately want to our questions.

Try to see it like this...if he doesn't want to be with you, then why does he matter? someone else out there will be happy to have your company, they will love you, and more importantly, mean it when they say it <3

Stay strong, you're not alone!


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Well it definitely sounds like he's doing it with the sister in law and they are both going to drop the bombshell on their spouses at the same time. 

I wonder if your pregnancy will change anything perhaps he will reconsider once he realizes he's going to be a father?

I'd tell him immediately.

Besides if it doesn't have that effect you're going to probably want to consider terminating the pregnancy. Wow this is a lot to think about all at once.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

wintergirl82 said:


> I'm so humiliated that he ended our marriage over the telephone as well. He didn't have enough respect for me to do it to my face after all these years.


From what I have seen a lot of men end it by phone, text, or just not coming home... cowardly, IMO!

*No offense to the men here please who have been dumped by cowardly women. I have just seen so many people dumped and not done to their face.


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> From what I have seen a lot of men end it by phone, text, or just not coming home... cowardly, IMO!
> 
> *No offense to the men here please who have been dumped by cowardly women. I have just seen so many people dumped and not done to their face.



Mama...mine was similar....she said she wanted the divorce over the phone...and via texts...she gave me "her terms" through those mediums...

WORST part is....she contacted me IN AN ONLINE VIDEO GAME, to discuss the terms of our divorce, and the failure of our marriage...

hows that for a low-blow? Couldn't even be respectful and sit down face to face...she's a coward...I pity the next man(or men) in line.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

CSeryllum said:


> Mama...mine was similar....she said she wanted the divorce over the phone...and via texts...she gave me "her terms" through those mediums...
> 
> WORST part is....she contacted me IN AN ONLINE VIDEO GAME, to discuss the terms of our divorce, and the failure of our marriage...
> 
> hows that for a low-blow? Couldn't even be respectful and sit down face to face...she's a coward...I pity the next man(or men) in line.


Sorry CS, I knew there would be at least one man here that would share our experience w/ cowardly spouses. I didn't intend to male bash so I wanted to immediately edit so apologize. I had just heard it from women so much lately... 
again I am sorry you had it happen to you this way too. I hadn't heard of someone using a video game to discuss their leaving. I got a text on my way to work... and pretty much that's the only way he will talk to me now (chat/text).


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

Oh no I understand, it is more common for men to do this as I understand it...I think that when people behave this way...they really are cowardly, and "afraid" of confrontation. My wife, while she is different now than she ever was...was always sweet, mostly kind hearted...HOWEVER...she HATED handling situations, anything that might make her stressed, she would run from, and make me handle it.

So, I can see why she did what she did...however, it doesn't change the fact that I deserved better, I deserved respect, and I didn't deserve the hell she's dragged me through


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