# I believe it is the END!



## sad_angel (Jul 10, 2012)

I have received lots of help and suggestions from people here and hope to get some more.

It has been 4 yrs since confronting my H on his affair. Which he became verbally abusive. We did counseling last year for 8 months and were doing good, so I thought. Five months ago things started slipping back to the same BS again. About a month and a half ago he made some comments that threw me. Things we specifically were working on in counseling to "fix". 

I had some trouble within myself and questioned what I was doing wrong for making our marriage work. With the suggestions from peeps on here I read the following books:
Living with the Passive Aggressive Man
How Can I Forgive You?
Almost finished with Toxic Men

I have concluded that he is just going through the motions and not really willing to make it work. When he knows I am distance then he is Mr. I love you and oh how was your day, etc...

His last comment just pushed me over the edge. It was about my weight which I think was completely uncalled for. I have been going to the gym at least 4 days a week (for almost 2 months) and keeping to a diet plan.

I would understand if I complained about my weight and did nothing for myself. But I am trying and I feel good that I go -- I am SORRY I am not losing the weight as quickly as he would like.

Anyway, sorry for the rant just to many emotions! :scratchhead:

What I could use some help with is, How to leave, How to tell him?? Is it just that easy to sit down and say I want a divorce we are done? Should I give reasons? What if he is in a fog - how much time is needed to give him for it to sink in? What if we have a house together? Does it matter who files for a divorce? 

I am definitely ready to follow through. Just want to be prepared.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

sad_angel said:


> I have received lots of help and suggestions from people here and hope to get some more.
> 
> It has been 4 yrs since confronting my H on his affair. Which he became verbally abusive. We did counseling last year for 8 months and were doing good, so I thought. Five months ago things started slipping back to the same BS again. About a month and a half ago he made some comments that threw me. Things we specifically were working on in counseling to "fix".
> 
> ...


have you ever given his behavior this kind of severe consequence? I ask b/c sometimes people really need to be shaken to the core before they see how wrong they have been and that may be the case with your H.

If not then honesty is best and if you can do it in front of a counselor that might be the easiest way.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

See an attorney first and find out your rights and plan what you want to do. Once you are ready to file, tell him that you are filing. All you need to say is that it's not working for you.

The house will be split 50/50.. the equity that is. One of you could buy the other out, or you both could sell it and you split whatever you get out of the house. 

Neither of you have to leave the house until the final divorce papers are signed and it's decided who stays and who goes.


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## sad_angel (Jul 10, 2012)

nogutsnoglory

We went to a few counseling sessions and then I ended up moving out of the house because it didn't seem like it was getting any better. I stayed out of the house for about 2 months as we continued counseling.

Found out in the beginning when we told the counselor I moved out it was more my H getting up to speed of where I was at. He supposedly had no clue things were as bad as they were.

After the two months and more counseling I moved back cause we seemed to be doing good with communicating and hurtful things weren't being sad.

But I guess looking back I should have stayed separated and maybe even filed for divorce.

I just feel at this point he does and says anything he can to make me believe he is serious about working it out. This isn't the first time this pattern has showed itself.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

sad_angel said:


> nogutsnoglory
> 
> We went to a few counseling sessions and then I ended up moving out of the house because it didn't seem like it was getting any better. I stayed out of the house for about 2 months as we continued counseling.
> 
> ...


In a situation like this it is only actions that speak as the words that come from him mean little to nothing. If he is showing improvement great, if he is only promising with words then you are in a vicious circle that at some point needs to end.


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