# Online Dating After Seperation...



## lostguy

I'm currently going through a divorce. We really haven't been a happy couple since August of 2011 and have basically been living apart since April of 2012. I've tried to make things work by talking and setting up counseling but she's not into it. I have no regrets in that matter. We had no kids.

In October I finally took the plunge into online dating. I put my relationship status as separated which is the truth but I also wrote that there wasn't a chance of us getting back together. 

I'm on 3 dating sites. In almost 6 months I think I've written to well over 100 girls of all types. Single moms, divorcees, widows, never been married, etc.. I'm not looking for quick hook ups, I'm looking for a real relationship and I only contact girls that appear to want the same and seem to have the same mentality as me.

I've only received responses from a small handful of girls. I consider myself to be an attractive man and I go out of my way to read and respond to their profiles and ask questions about it. It's very frustrating, especially when you're contacting single mom's. It's doubly frustrating when you see these girls on the website all the time AFTER you contact them and they don't respond. Maybe they wouldn't have to be on the website if they wrote me back. 

Some girls contact me first but 99 times out of 100 they are not my type. I don't want to sound like an a hole, but let's just say that most of these girls that contact me first are not the thinnest of girls and that's not my type at all.

I've really only gotten into a deeper conversation with one girl and we went out 3 times and it went no where. No chemistry between us at all. The whole thing just felt really weird.

Last week I resorted to changing my relationship status to divorced. I did it because we practically are divorced. We're living apart and she has everything she wants from the house already. I have a lawyer and he's working on the papers. All we need are some signatures and the process is done. I will say that I think I've had a little more interest in girls since the change but it's only been about a week. I exchanged a few emails with one girl and after about the second email I explained my relationship status and she didn't seem to mind as long as I didn't have any crazy ex drama which there shouldn't be. Then again, I haven't heard from her in a few days. lol

I understand that many girls get a lot of emails from different guys daily so I'm up against a lot of competition. It's just that after 6 months of doing this I thought I would have had better results.

It's all a crap shoot too. If a girl doesn't respond to me should I just move on? Should I try contacting her again in a week or so? Is she going to appreciate the fact that I'm contacting her a second time or is she going to think it's creepy. Like I said, it's a crap shoot.

One girl wrote that she loved Billy Joel in her profile. I wrote her saying I've been to many Billy Joel concerts and I asked her what her favorite song was. She emailed me back, "Ewww, that's creepy."

Can someone explain to me how I was being creepy? lol 

Anyway, if you read this whole thing then thank you. It's just another lonely Saturday night for me.....


----------



## PurpleBlueBella

lol how is that creepy? I have tried online dating a few times, different sites, and never had any luck.


----------



## lostguy

PurpleBlueBella said:


> lol how is that creepy? I have tried online dating a few times, different sites, and never had any luck.


Exactly. I was shocked when I read her response and I'm glad everyone I told that story to had the same reaction as you and I. lol


Anyway, here is the dating profile I have on 2 sites. I'm open to comments and suggestions.



"So two weeks ago my little nephew scored his first soccer goal. Too bad it was in the other teams net. The following week he took the ball from one end of the field to the other and scored unassisted. This time it was the correct goal. When I see my nephews, I bend down and we fist bump while saying Shake 'N Bake. Last Christmas I dressed up as Santa for them and plan to do it again this year.

Two years ago we had torrential rain for a week. When I went downstairs I noticed the bedroom carpet was SOAKED. Turns out I had a crack in the foundation. My family and friends came over the next few days to help me dig out the entire side of my house, patch the concrete wall and install a new drainage system. We then had to remove the bedroom furniture, rip up the carpet and tile underneath it before installing a new laminate floor. If my friends or family had a similar problem then I would be over there helping them too. That's how I roll.

I love the smell of cookies or brownies baking when I get home from work. I also love to cook and am quite good at it myself. If I cook, you clean. I think that's partly the reason I became a good cook, because I don't like to clean. I do have to admit, I wouldn't mind cleaning up sometimes too.

I like to camp. There are two brand new camping trailers in my family and I spend a LOT of time from April-October camping at the beach. You have all the amenities of home while at the beach. How can you lose?

I'm not a huge sports nut anymore but I do try to watch the Rangers, Giants and NASCAR.

Can you rock out a cowboy hat? Do you know all the words to Luke Bryan, Eric Church and Jason Aldean songs? Huge bonus points if you do!

I have a lot of interests, many of which are listed. I'd like someone who shares some of my interests but is willing to try/watch/enjoy something new. I am open to trying some of your interests that I am not familiar with, but don't try to get me to get a manicure of go tanning. I'm a man, deal with it."


----------



## Freak On a Leash

There's a couple of threads here that are specifically dealing with online dating and one that gives feedback on people's profiles. Might want to check them out. 

My feedback on your profile is this: it's all over the place and has a lot of stuff in it that isn't pertinent or about you. I don't care about your nephew or the fact that you basement is flooded but I _think_ that was your way of saying you like kids and are laid back about stuff or handy around the house or..whatever? . :scratchhead: Well, just say that!

Keep it short and sweet. Ok, you like to cook, you like watching sports and are a Giants fan and like NASCAR (two thumbs up in my book! :smthumbup You like to go camping (BIG plus in my book!) Now I'm wondering what other outdoor things you like to do. Put those down because as an avid hiker/kayaker that's something I want to know. 

Obviously you like Country music..that's good to add too. So list the interests but do it in a concise manner that will both introduce yourself and inform. When I read your profile and see that the first thing is about your nephew's soccer game and you doing the "shake and bake" with him I am thinking :wtf:

As for being lonely on Saturday night;

You shouldn't be putting all your eggs in one basket. I think putting down "separated" initially was one problem. Most people are pretty leery of that status. Or so I've heard. I don't personally engage in online dating but just about everyone I know does and says the same thing you do about it. 

I am separated and have been living apart from my STBXH as well and am 2 weeks away from being divorced so if I meet someone who is in the same situation I'm cool with that. But if you are living with your wife still then it's no deal at all. You gotta be in your OWN place and getting those papers drawn up for me to even LOOK at you. 

So changing it to "divorced" was probably a good idea in any case because it sounds like you are almost there.

That said, just because you are shooting blanks in the online dating department doesn't mean you should be having a lonely Saturday night. I know it's hard to get up and get out after being married. Now you have to go out, socialize and make friends on your own.

Not to mention that your social circle will be different then the one you had as a married couple, unless you've retained your prior friendships with your single bros or are into doing hobbies/interests on your own. 

If not, what you need to do is start doing stuff on your own. You've listed a few on your profile so start there. Join clubs and go to Meetup.com and join groups that reflect your interests and if you live where I think you live (in the NYC area based on your sports interests  ) then there are TONS of groups that are socially oriented..Singles groups, groups that go out to bars, restaurants, sample wine, see movies, you name it! Join them and get rolling. You'll don't have to spend Saturday night alone. In fact, you can go out EVERY night if you want to! There's always an event going on thru the various Meetup groups. 

So don't just limit yourself to online dating. And you shouldn't because then you have a narrow focus and become overly obsessive about dating and finding someone else. What you should be doing is taking this time to just go out and have fun and meet people and if you happen to find someone you want to date then that's the icing on the cake! Dating should be a fun option, not the ONLY thing in your new life as a divorcee. 

You haven't even been separated for 6 months yet. Allow yourself time to enjoy your new status and get settled in emotionally before the upheaval of dating and relationships. 

Oh yeah, I don't understand why that one woman had a problem with your question about her favorite Billy Joe song. It seemed like a reasonable question to me. It was HER response what was "creepy". 

The hard part is choosing which song to pick. He has a lot of good songs but I always liked _"Miami 2017/Seen the Lights Go Out Broadway"_ but the live version off his album _Songs in the Attic_, not the original one.


----------



## lostguy

Anyone who has spent any amount of time searching the online dating profiles notices one thing and that's that pretty much every person writes the same exact thing. 

Many profiles have something like "I never thought I'd be doing the online dating thing but I've had friends have success so I'm trying it." They say it like they're ashamed to be there. Why? We're all there for more or less the same reason.

Then my favorites are the people who write that they "like to travel, like to eat out, like to go out but also like staying in to watch a movie, etc." Have you ever met anyone that DIDN'T like all of these things? Your eyes start to glaze over and you get bored reading the same things written by different people.

IMHO, my profile is interesting since it's actually telling stories. I don't simply say "I like kids and I'm family oriented." I actually told a story about how I like kids and I'm family oriented. It makes it more interesting.

The same thing applies to the flood in my house. Sure, I could say something like "I'm handy and my family and friends are close and we help each other out." To me, that's boring. I told a story of a problem in my house that was fixed by myself and my family. The story reiterates my close connection with family and friends, my willingness to help my family and friends AND my skills at being handy.


----------



## I got this

I met my wife online 13 years ago. I spent 10 years before that in advertising and marketing. With the utmost interest in helping you...

Your ad sucks. Delete all the B.S. and be more succinct and direct and change your unhelpful attitude about reinventing the wheel. You are overthinking it and it is offputting.

I chose to pursue my wife because 

1. She was pretty
2. Quoted the golden rule 
3. Did not smoke and only drank on occassion
4. Liked country music
5. Was in a position of responsibility
6. Was an animal lover
7. workable age range

and other the standard travel, humor, holding hands stuff you find repetitive. Lighen up on that. Its part of the deal. Pay little attnetion to the laundry list of nonsense others list as well and go with basic decency at least a few common interests and attraction.

Dont think so hard because it makes your ad a pretentious mess and you out to be too complicated.

BTW I dated over three dozen wonderful women before I met my wife and all were nice to spend time with. I had no chemistry with some but made many pleasant kind hearted friends and we called it together what it was and kept in touch til they or I fell in love and did stuff together without the pretense of romance. 

I also had a few nice romps with a few. I liked a manager from fashion bug and a school psychologist and a manager of a restaurant best and we had nice hot sexual action a bunch and then they kind of petered out as more interesting oppportunities came up. 

I also had a few disappointments which is ok too where my date didnt like me as much as I them but it was mostly physical on my end and I was looking for a place to stick my other head for the night but I still had a decent friend zone deal with a hottie or two with hot friends I got to meet and date in some cases.

There were a few friends with benefits deals as well. 

Dont overthink it so much. I wish you all the best.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Mr Used To Know said:


> I met my wife online 13 years ago. I spent 10 years before that in advertising and marketing. With the utmost interest in helping you...
> 
> Your ad sucks. Delete all the B.S. and be more succinct and direct and change your unhelpful attitude about reinventing the wheel. You are overthinking it and it is offputting...
> 
> ..Dont think so hard because it makes your ad a pretentious mess and you out to be too complicated.


:iagree: OP: I didn't post this but I agree 100% . Your results speak for themselves. You said you aren't getting many hits and the ones you are getting aren't working for you. 

So what does that tell you? The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result.  

You are overthinking it. You are trying to be "different" or "exciting" or "clever" but you are just coming off as "bizarre". Sorry. I'm an available female and looking at your profile I'm thinking "Weirdness". 

But then again I'm very pragmatic and businesslike about this stuff. I don't do online dating but every time I meet a guy and he passes on the looks department and I get chatting with him I start adding stuff up in my head. I ask very _specific_ questions and I want _specific_ answers.

Why? Because I want to know that if I take the time to spend with this person will it indeed be worth it? I know what I like and I want to know if that other person is compatible with me. If you want to stay home and watch movies all night, like country music and going to museums then I want to now that because that's NOT what I like and I want to know that ASAP so that I can rule you out. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Those things don't interest me at all and I want to know that immediately. 

On the other hand, if you say "I like to be outdoors hiking, camping, kayaking, love hard rock and alternative music, going to bars and concerts and dancing on weekend nights", well then I'm going to be VERY interested. 

Same things like if you have or like and want to have children. That's a big negative in my book. But for some people that would be just fine and they are looking for a family oriented guy. But you gotta get that out there and let them know, not have them guessing as to what watching your nephew's soccer game is all about. 

Online dating comes off to me as very cut throat like that. You get on, you read a bunch of ads, because basically THAT is what you are doing, advertising yourself and just like an advertisement you have about 30 seconds to sell yourself. You catch a potential date's eye in about that time or they pass you over. By the time they've finished reading about you doing the fist pump with your nephew and installing the sump pump in your basement they are already scanning the next ad.

Like the guy who posted above, I studied advertising in college and I run my own business. I know a bit about getting customers myself and what is online dating but trying to sell yourself to someone else? 

I agree, most of the profiles do come off as stating the obvious, being the same but that's why I'm saying to just state what YOU are about. I want to know if someone has kids, when they work, what their interests are so I can compare them to ME and MY life and see if they fit into what it is I want in a date. 

It's like buying a new car. if I want 4 wheel drive and lots of room to fit my camping and kayak gear I won't care how nice or how fast that little red sports car is because it's not going to be compatible with what I want. 

Because in the end that's what online dating really is. You put some pics up, introduce yourself and list what you are all about. The more fluff you put in it, the more you muddy the waters and that's the LAST thing you want to do when you are trying to sell yourself to someone else. 




lostguy said:


> Then my favorites are the people who write that they "like to travel, like to eat out, like to go out but also like staying in to watch a movie, etc." Have you ever met anyone that DIDN'T like all of these things?


Yes I have met someone who didn't like all those things. I was married to him. My STBXH didn't like traveling, didn't like to eat out and only wanted to stay home and watch movies all the time. Guess what I hate doing? Staying home and watching movies on a weekend night. It drove me crazy that the man never wanted to GO anywhere for vacation but the SAME place year after year. And getting him to go out to a restaurant was like dragging my kids to the dentist. So yeah, I want to know these things because obviously compatibility is really important to me. I think it is to most people.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

> I'm open to comments and suggestions.


1.) Your profile has you all over the place. It makes you appear indecisive, like you'll say whatever she wants to hear (I hate to clean, sometimes I wouldn't mind cleaning), like you're not serious.

2.) Save the nephew & torrential rain stories for when you meet in person. They're good stories, but too long-winded for a profile.

*I don't have any kids of my own, but I enjoy them! At Christmas, I like to dress up as Santa for my nephews [insert ages here]. Family is important to me. Since I'm handy with tools and home repair, I help out extended family when needed and they help me, too.

My skills include cooking and one of my specialties is [insert a specialty here]. I'd love a partner in the kitchen to split duties with! I cook, you do dishes and when you cook, I'll return the favor.

I have a wide range of hobbies. I follow the Rangers, Giants and NASCAR. I also spend a considerable amount of time from April to October camping (in a trailer) at the beach. [suggest you come up with 1 or 2 hobbies that are NOT sports-related]

Are you a woman who's interested in learning about my hobbies AND sharing your own with me? I'm pretty broad-minded, but I'm not metrosexual, so I'm drawing the line at manicures! (wink) 

This week only, I'm giving HUGE BONUS POINTS for knowing all the words to Luke Bryan, Eric Church or Jason Aldean songs! 

Let's get together for coffee and see if we hit if off.*

*


----------



## rose petal

I've been on these online dating sites for awhile too.

I'm single and looking. I'll be honest with you, I would skip that profile as well. It just sounds weird to me. :scratchhead:


----------



## MrsOldNews

*Re: Re: Online Dating After Seperation...*



SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> 1.) Your profile has you all over the place. It makes you appear indecisive, like you'll say whatever she wants to hear (I hate to clean, sometimes I wouldn't mind cleaning), like you're not serious.
> 
> 2.) Save the nephew & torrential rain stories for when you meet in person. They're good stories, but too long-winded for a profile.
> 
> *I don't have any kids of my own, but I enjoy them! At Christmas, I like to dress up as Santa for my nephews [insert ages here]. Family is important to me. Since I'm handy with tools and home repair, I help out extended family when needed and they help me, too.
> 
> My skills include cooking and one of my specialties is [insert a specialty here]. I'd love a partner in the kitchen to split duties with! I cook, you do dishes and when you cook, I'll return the favor.
> 
> I have a wide range of hobbies. I follow the Rangers, Giants and NASCAR. I also spend a considerable amount of time from April to October camping (in a trailer) at the beach. [suggest you come up with 1 or 2 hobbies that are NOT sports-related]
> 
> Are you a woman who's interested in learning about my hobbies AND sharing your own with me? I'm pretty broad-minded, but I'm not metrosexual, so I'm drawing the line at manicures! (wink)
> 
> This week only, I'm giving HUGE BONUS POINTS for knowing all the words to Luke Bryan, Eric Church or Jason Aldean songs!
> 
> Let's get together for coffee and see if we hit if off.*
> 
> *


This does read wayyyy better OP. I read your entire first post and I wouldn't message you either. I love the beach, outdoors kids and country music (to a certain degree) I'm also easy in the eyes. Still based on your profile I had zero interest. My advice to you is to listen to slowlygettingwiser, great revamp of your profile  and I'd send a message based on that revamped profile any dat of the week as long as you look good too.


----------



## lostguy

Thanks for the comments everyone. I've been doing the online thing since about October and every few weeks I've changed it up a bit. Sometimes I just write a few paragraphs like were suggested here. Sometimes I just provide a list of my traits and wants and sometimes I do other things. I didn't just create my profile from above a few months ago and left it. What you read is just my latest profile.

I'm going to change things up again using some of the comments in this thread so we'll see where it goes. I'm still open to more suggestions too. Wish me luck.


----------



## lostguy

Well, it's been about 10 days since I changed my profiles around. Still not much luck at all. This has really been THE most frustrating thing I've ever had in my life. 

I'm on 4 different sites right now and check all of them a few times a day. It's just REALLY frustrating when you take the time to read their profiles, pick out some interesting points in their profile and then respond using those points. It actually shows that I took to the time to read their profile. 

I've probably written to a few hundred girls since October when I first singed up. Each one of them I took the time to read their profiles and respond accordingly. I don't write short little emails and I don't write lengthy ones. I type maybe a paragraph or two. Probably around 10 sentences as an average. 

I'm writing to all kinds of girls. Ages 26-37. Single, Divorced, with kids, etc... It's not like I'm writing to just models either. I just did the math in my head and the chances of me getting a response has been about 5%. Yes, 5%. With that 5%, there's only been one girl I went out with that ended up being a huge bust. 

At this point I think I may just take a week or two hiatus from the online dating scene. Then I can come back with a new username, new pics and a new profile and take it from there.


----------



## Lon

lost, you need to learn to let this roll off you, I have been in the exact spot you are, it is quite demotivating. You can give it up like I did, or else you can completely rewrite your expectations by instead of setting a goal of scoring a response, just make your goal to pay a compliment and make yourself known and beyond that don't put any pressure on yourself to do anything different. Just enjoy the experience of writing something heartfelt to someone whom interests you and take the same pleasure in it whether it elicits a reply or not.

Or you can play the numbers game like everyone and end up devaluing yourself or constantly reaffirming some mistaken belief that you are doing something wrong...

My personal thought is that I'd rather write a very nice creative letter to one or two great ones a week than send out a chain letter and catch the attention of someone of not very good quality.


----------



## rose petal

Lostguy, I'm sorry that you have such a horrible experience with online dating sites.

I'm a girl, perhaps that makes a difference. I'm in my early 30s, well educated, no children, slender, and petite. I've been told I'm beautiful. I personally think I'm above average at best. I honestly don't have time to go through men's profiles and contact men. In fact, I've tried contacting men before, most of the time they just ignore me. 

My experience has been that I get a lot of people contacting me. I first look at their picture to see if I like their look. Then I review through their profile to see if it look interesting. A couple of things that's really important to me is fitness, education, occupation, and sense of humor. Also if someone's message sounds really desperate or if they repeatedly send messages to me, I don't even bother with it. 

I have a fairly busy schedule depending on the week. So I go on as much date as I can whenever I have free time. Recently, I've stopped making any new online acquaintances because the last date I had was really good. We had instant chemistry and also connected on an intellectual level. I never expected to have chemistry with someone on a first date. That honestly took me by surprise. I don't plan on making any more dates with other men until I see how this will pan out with him. 

I'm sure online dating is a lot harder on the man. I really feel bad for you. All I can suggest is keep trying and don't give up


----------



## Lon

rose petal said:


> I have a fairly busy schedule depending on the week. So I go on as much date as I can whenever I have free time...
> 
> ...I'm sure online dating is a lot harder on the man. I really feel bad for you. All I can suggest is keep trying and don't give up


Yeah this is the really demotivating part... I don't know how it is for a woman, but my perception is you can just put yourself out there and if you are not detestable you can line up a date almost instantly (I can't speak to the quality of men you so happen to pick, that must be the hard part)... for me, and obviously lostguy it is not so easy to get a date, it is a matter of spending hours and hours of coming up with creative heartfelt messages as possible going after every possible woman that may in the slightest chance be suitable and watching weekend after weekend go by without even being able to get more than the occasional "hello, you are cute but not what I'm looking for". That's why TAM is full of divorced men/niceguys, for us it's another night on TAM or a weekend drinking beer with the beta pack dudes.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Lost Guy, Did you try SGW's revised profile? Seems amazing that you don't get any hits. :scratchhead:

I would sooner have my fingernails pulled off then do online dating but it seems to me that you should be just going out and having fun in general and doing this on the side. Don't invest so much in the way of emotion into it. You'll go crazy doing so.


----------



## lostguy

I've been really motivated from the start. I'm also not the type of person who ever gets too up or too down. I've been fine with the lack of communication from girls the entire time, it's just the past few days that have really affected me. 

I'm not asking for a girl to respond that she's not interested or to explain why she's not interested. They probably get bombarded with countless emails so there's no way they could respond to everyone, even if they wanted to. Heck, I don't respond to girls that contact me first that I'm not interested in either.

I plan on contacting a few more girls tonight and then call it quits for 2 weeks or so to give myself time to recharge and change things a bit.


----------



## rose petal

I always respond back to someone who takes the time to actually write something decent to me. Even if I'm not interested, I at least let them know that I appreciate them for taking the time.

I think out of all the messages that I've received, I may have read only 1 or 2 truly well written messages. The last person who wrote me a well written message, even though I wasn't particularly attracted to his look, I still went out on a coffee date with him just to give him a chance.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

lostguy said:


> I plan on contacting a few more girls tonight and then call it quits for 2 weeks or so to give myself time to recharge and change things a bit.


Taking a break is probably a good idea. If something is stressing you out this much then you aren't going to be at your best. 

For something that's supposed to be FUN, this dating things sure seems like a lot of WORK. And to me, WORK is a four letter word.


----------



## lostguy

Freak On a Leash said:


> Lost Guy, Did you try SGW's revised profile? Seems amazing that you don't get any hits. :scratchhead:
> 
> I would sooner have my fingernails pulled off then do online dating but it seems to me that you should be just going out and having fun in general and doing this on the side. Don't invest so much in the way of emotion into it. You'll go crazy doing so.


Yes, I used the revised profile.

I'd love to go out more often but I don't have people to go with. 

1) One friend lives way too far.
2) One friend is married. We hang out a few times a year but he's also a cop with different scheduling so he likes being with his wife when he can.
3) One friend is in the marines in Afghanistan
4) Lastly, another friend works a lot and just got his girlfriend pregnant so he doesn't have the time or finances to go out much anymore

A few years ago I went to my sisters coworkers house to get a piece of furniture for my sister. I don't remember it, but evidently the coworkers daughter was there and thought I was cute. I was almost engaged at the time anyway. My sister didn't tell me about this girl until after I became separated a few months ago. She wants to set me up with her but doesn't want to do it while I am technically still married.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Have you tried Meetup.com? It's a great way to get out, meet people and have fun in a stress-free environment. If I relied on my dull friends I'd NEVER see the light of day! So I am either at meetup events or go do stuff on my own. Fortunately I don't mind doing stuff on my lonesome but refuse to go to clubs/bars by myself. That's where Meetup comes in. It's also great for hobbies. There are Meetups for everything, from wine tasting to sailing. 

Plus it's a great way to meet people like ourselves, who are either separated and going through a divorce or already divorced.


----------



## whitehawk

I'm new at the online thing myself but I have been wondering !

What should you say to her in your first email ?
How long should the first email be ?

I'm very good in real life but this online crap seems like a whole different animal !

PS , and so what if you don't hear back from her you shouldn't write a second nudge or what ?


----------



## unsure78

If they dont respond dont write back a second time, I had a few guys do that... it just creeped me out... one guy was at least 5 times

First emails keep short to medium... dont give them your life story in it. Ask a detail about their profile to show you read it, maybe tell a joke or say something funny.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Yes, I used the revised profile.
> 
> I'd love to go out more often but I don't have people to go with.
> 
> 1) One friend lives way too far.
> 2) One friend is married. We hang out a few times a year but he's also a cop with different scheduling so he likes being with his wife when he can.
> 3) One friend is in the marines in Afghanistan
> 4) Lastly, another friend works a lot and just got his girlfriend pregnant so he doesn't have the time or finances to go out much anymore
> 
> A few years ago I went to my sisters coworkers house to get a piece of furniture for my sister. I don't remember it, but evidently the coworkers daughter was there and thought I was cute. I was almost engaged at the time anyway. My sister didn't tell me about this girl until after I became separated a few months ago. She wants to set me up with her but doesn't want to do it while I am technically still married.


AND, here you go. Get more friends. I have a few divorced guys that I hang out with, and we have a blast. The online dating thing is just not my style. I need to go out and see girls in a social setting. For instance, tonight I'm playing kickball in a coed league. It is tons of fun, and I have met plenty of hotties. If you have done the MAP--see MMSL by Athol Kay, you will be a hot commodity. I've been divorced for almost a year, and I don't think a week has gone by in the past 7 months were I didn't have one on one time with at least one lovely lady.

You have to build your network.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

unsure78 said:


> If they dont respond dont write back a second time, I had a few guys do that... it just creeped me out... one guy was at least 5 times


:iagree: Nothing smacks of desperation and weirdness more than not knowing when to give up or take a hint. If you don't get an answer back then leave it alone. 

5 times..:slap: Some people really need to get a grip..and a life!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Dedicated2Her said:


> AND, here you go. Get more friends. I have a few divorced guys that I hang out with, and we have a blast. The online dating thing is just not my style. I need to go out and see girls in a social setting.
> 
> You have to build your network.


:iagree: I'm with you on this one! I need to get to know people one-on-one over a period of time, doing something I actually enjoy. I guess they need to "grow" on me. I couldn't imagine going out with someone one-on-one to whom I chatted briefly online and enjoying myself. It would be too awkward. 

I'd want to see them in a social setting first, talk to them, get to know them over a period of time while doing something fun. Also, it sets up a situation where you both are doing something you enjoy so right off the bat you have a common interest. 

That's why I like Meetup.com. If you can't find a Meetup group in your area then join a club, sports team, go to church, volunteer work etc. Always a good way to meet people. And don't focus SO MUCH on the DATING. Just go out, have a good time and build your confidence. Let the dating come naturally. If you look too desperate then you will def scare people away.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> And don't focus SO MUCH on the DATING. Just go out, have a good time and build your confidence. Let the dating come naturally. If you look too desperate then you will def scare people away.


Exactly. Focus on relationships, not dating. The dating will come, I promise. Build those relationships, work on yourself, and have some fun!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: Online Dating After Seperation...*



Freak On a Leash said:


> :iagree: Nothing smacks of desperation and weirdness more than not knowing when to give up or take a hint. If you don't get an answer back then leave it alone.
> 
> 5 times..:slap: Some people really need to get a grip..and a life!


But at that point, what is there to lose for a guy?


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Lon said:


> But at that point, what is there to lose for a guy?


Nothing I guess, except you come off like a total dork. :rofl: Have some freakin dignity for goodness sake! :slap:


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> But at that point, what is there to lose for a guy?


Lon was that you? if I would have know it was you I totally would have answered back


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: Online Dating After Seperation...*



Freak On a Leash said:


> Nothing I guess, except you come off like a total dork. :rofl: Have some freakin dignity for goodness sake! :slap:


Lol, nothing undignified about being persistent  and even if I'm a dork it wouldn't bother me unless I was actually aware I was one.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Lon said:


> Lol, nothing undignified about being persistent  .


Well, if it isn't undignified it sure is annoying! Try and see it from a woman's perspective.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I lasted a whole month on match.com.....3 weird dates and all of them had major baggage. Too much work to meet someone you have no idea if you will have chemistry with or not.


----------



## lostguy

If I message a girl and get no response then I don't send a second one right away. I might fire off a second email a month or two later after I change my profile around though.

In my head, I think every girl is different. Say I message her and don't get a response. Now say I message her again a week later. Is she thinking, "Gee, this guy must be interested since he contacted me again" or "Gee, this guy doesn't take a hint." I would think there are girls that could go either way.

I looked at the meetup site and I joined 2 singles groups so far. One of them is meeting for a hockey game this Sunday so I bought a ticket. Even if I don't find a girl there, at least I got to see a hockey game!


----------



## Lon

You could always drop a "I believe in second chances, wink" in the off chance your first message got overlooked, but after 2 unanswered messages move on.

Good luck on your meetup


----------



## happysnappy

I haven't read through the whole thread but have you tried meetup? I haven't tried it but logically it seems like it would be better and easier than online dating.


----------



## happysnappy

Oops I see that you have. Enjoy the game!!!


----------



## whitehawk

Actually , I've had a couple of real persistent girls come to think of it.
Ones found me on all 3 sites I've been playing in and each times contacted me , sent flirts and stuff.
3 times now I've told her not interested so there ya go. That does creep you out a bit.

There was another one too that seem to keep popping up everywhere and that was getting weird .


----------



## whitehawk

So girls , or successful guys on these sites to for that matter , can you give us an example first letter to a girl .

It's that first email where I'm completely stumped yet it seems to make you or break you just like that.

Here's one from the coolest chick I've met on them so far that just gets me . It's just loose , light , nice and easy , nothing special but to me really special.

She just said - no upper case no nothin.

hi ya m how u doin , I'm r . hey i really liked your stuff , u up for a chat.

Loved it , I can't stand formal. We emailed back and forth for a few then later rang , talked for a few hrs. Again the next night plus emails .
I know it's probably self sabotage but we were just about to meet and I cancelled .
Trouble was it was a lot more than l was expecting to find so soon , l know the signs and her looks were my taste to a T to.
Just not ready for heavy yet


----------



## EnjoliWoman

See, personally that looks like they don't even care or want to try. If he can't spell out "you" or "your" vs. u/ur then it's a real turnoff. But that's what attracted you so you are obviously a better match with someone like that.

I like a message that comments on something from my profile, may addressing how we both like some of the same things, something sort of chatty and a question or two to keep the ball rolling. A few conversational back-and-forths and it's enough to know if it's worth seeing if there is any interest in meeting in person. Then a quick coffee/smoothie/drink (I did lunch one time - awkward) and you know if a second date to learn more. Less time wasted.

But then again, I've found when men want to 'chat' they mean sext so the angle is different. If they want to know about me, they'll send a message.


----------



## whitehawk

Yea I mean I can see how a guy writing like that would turn a lot of women off day 1 , well I think anyway.
Maybe she'd turn most guys of as a first email , not sure really.
I am different to most , my ex was exactly the same and the guys loved her , unfortunately  
But then again , although ex had qualifications as long as your arm , upper class guys often read her the wrong way - even though she was actually smarter than most of them anyway . 
Although my dad absolutely loved ex, she was his fav' and he was genius IQ so there ya go. Ahh no , unfortunately I didn't score the IQ , think it saw me coming and ran


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: Online Dating After Seperation...*



whitehawk said:


> So girls , or successful guys on these sites to for that matter , can you give us an example first letter to a girl .
> 
> It's that first email where I'm completely stumped yet it seems to make you or break you just like that.
> 
> Here's one from the coolest chick I've met on them so far that just gets me . It's just loose , light , nice and easy , nothing special but to me really special.
> 
> She just said - no upper case no nothin.
> 
> hi ya m how u doin , I'm r . hey i really liked your stuff , u up for a chat.
> 
> Loved it , I can't stand formal. We emailed back and forth for a few then later rang , talked for a few hrs. Again the next night plus emails .
> I know it's probably self sabotage but we were just about to meet and I cancelled .
> Trouble was it was a lot more than l was expecting to find so soon , l know the signs and her looks were my taste to a T to.
> Just not ready for heavy yet


How do you know it was heavier than you are expecting, you didn't even meet yet? and for one that was to a T and you let her slip by?? If you are not ready to meet I'd suggest taking your profile down, otherwise you are just trying to validate yourself and that is not nice, not is it really helping you.


----------



## rose petal

I've really come to dislike too much emailing, texting, and phone calls back and forth. If we are close enough, why bother with all that crap and just meet face to face. 

Maybe it's just me but these constant non face to face interaction puts too much pressure on the date and prematurely force a connection when one isn't there in the first place. People are a lot different than what we portray ourselves with our pictures and virtual text. 

I have a coffee meeting with someone this weekend. He wouldn't even call our date a real date. I find myself completely in agreement with him!


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> How do you know it was heavier than you are expecting, you didn't even meet yet? and for one that was to a T and you let her slip by?? If you are not ready to meet I'd suggest taking your profile down, otherwise you are just trying to validate yourself and that is not nice, not is it really helping you.



Well, the last time I met someone like her I married her so . Maybe yeah maybe not but not ready to risk that yet.

BS, I'm not trying to validate anything just looking for light hearted company right now .


----------



## whitehawk

rose petal said:


> I've really come to dislike too much emailing, texting, and phone calls back and forth. If we are close enough, why bother with all that crap and just meet face to face.
> 
> Maybe it's just me but these constant non face to face interaction puts too much pressure on the date and prematurely force a connection when one isn't there in the first place. People are a lot different than what we portray ourselves with our pictures and virtual text.
> 
> I have a coffee meeting with someone this weekend. He wouldn't even call our date a real date. I find myself completely in agreement with him!



Yeah I hate it to Rose it's bs. Apparently though according to stuff the sites say though , people should suss each other out well before meeting because you really have no clue who your talking to.

Being male I don't really care but I can see how the girls should be careful.
Actually have had a couple of girls though just say , wanna meet for coffee or just call and left a ph no first up .
I've only been on these things a mth or so , all new to me . 
I don't even like it really, seems to be that much bs involved . Give me the real world any day but I just can't get out much at the moment so at least it's something.
Still , seriously thinking of giving it the flick to be honest.


----------



## ku1980rose

whitehawk said:


> She just said - no upper case no nothin.
> 
> hi ya m how u doin , I'm r . hey i really liked your stuff , u up for a chat.


Been reading your thread.

I've been doing online dating because I live in a very rural area. (Going to remedy that soon though :smthumbup

Anyway, those kinds of messages from guys REALLY turn me off!! It looks like they don't care and I think they come off as not being very smart. :slap:

Total turn off for me. 

But, if that interests you, then maybe that is your type of girl.


----------



## whitehawk

ku1980rose said:


> Been reading your thread.
> 
> I've been doing online dating because I live in a very rural area. (Going to remedy that soon though :smthumbup
> 
> Anyway, those kinds of messages from guys REALLY turn me off!! It looks like they don't care and I think they come off as not being very smart. :slap:
> 
> Total turn off for me.
> 
> But, if that interests you, then maybe that is your type of girl.



Yeah fair enough , good to know .

Same for me , I'm in rural area to so there's money I don't have right now involved before I can even get out to where the action is so it's easier to for me right now .
Wish I was loaded right now though I'd much rather be out there doing real stuff.


----------



## lostguy

Ok everyone, I'm the OP of this thread and wanted to check in.

I've been on match, chemistry, and ******* for months with subpar results. I joined POF this week too. 

I attempted to join eharmony a few months ago. I filled out all their questions and in the end I was denied access because I was separated. That was that. A few weeks ago I met up with my buddy and his wife who met on eharmony about 3 years ago and they suggested I try eharmony again. I attempted to login with my old info and I changed my relationship status to divorced. They then asked me when my divorce was finalized and what the judges name is. Since I'm only separated I didn't have a leg to stand on so I created another account using a different email and put I was divorced.

So far, I've had the best results with eharmony. I've only been there about 3 weeks but in those three weeks I've gotten about the same amount of replies as I got from any other site I was using for months. Not only that, but I'm getting replies from good lucking girls too.

After 2 or 3 emails back and forth I ask them if they've ever been engaged or married. When they respond I always tell them that I wanted to bring it up first so I can be honest about my situation. Almost all the girls understand and continue the conversation with me.

I've been talking to one girl for a few days and we just set up a dinner for this week. It's only going to be my second date since my separation and my first since early November. I'm also going to a singles meetup at a hockey game Sunday. I have no idea who's going to be there sex wise or age wise since there are no limits. If worse comes to worse, at least I get discounted tickets to see a game. lol


----------



## whitehawk

Hi LG .
Yeah I had similar things. My first two , I was sure there must've been a sign on my head , 3rd one , really good. Relaxed and comfortable , doesn't seem pretentious and demanding like the other 2 and that seems to carry through to the people in it and the way they communicate . It's got the best girls too - bonus 

Congrats on your new one , hope you have fun . Your off and running :smthumbup:


----------



## Lon

whitehawk said:


> Well, the last time I met someone like her I married her so . Maybe yeah maybe not but not ready to risk that yet.
> 
> BS, I'm not trying to validate anything just looking for light hearted company right now .


lol, what risk? So you want someone that is hot but of poor quality? Seriously consider an escort or something then, because that way you can get someone who expects to be disposed of and you would probably actually save yourself a lot of time and money by not having to find just the right amount of trashy.

Yes I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek about it, but my point is go for the good ones and just don't commit to marriage on the first date - be upfront and next time you meet one that interests you jump right in and just have fun, she will likely want exactly the same thing. Meanwhile learn to not be so disengenuous, read No More Mr. Niceguy and do the exercises.

(by the way, I think I understand exactly where you are coming from here, I am the same way, when I find a good one worth taking a risk on my hunches are usually spot on, I have too good of a picker)


----------



## jpr

Lon....I just have to say...

Your avatar is sooooo dreamy. 


The yellow gold page-boy haircut....and the orangey-toned skin of He-Man. 

hubba hubba. ...what a hunk!


----------



## Lon

jpr said:


> Lon....I just have to say...
> 
> Your avatar is sooooo dreamy.
> 
> 
> The yellow gold page-boy haircut....and the orangey-toned skin of He-Man.
> 
> hubba hubba. ...what a hunk!


and also the yellow gold page-boy haircut of He-Man too 

and your zipper avatar is very enticing btw - makes a guy want to just unzip everything.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> lol, what risk? So you want someone that is hot but of poor quality? Seriously consider an escort or something then, because that way you can get someone who expects to be disposed of and you would probably actually save yourself a lot of time and money by not having to find just the right amount of trashy.
> 
> Yes I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek about it, but my point is go for the good ones and just don't commit to marriage on the first date - be upfront and next time you meet one that interests you jump right in and just have fun, she will likely want exactly the same thing. Meanwhile learn to not be so disengenuous, read No More Mr. Niceguy and do the exercises.
> 
> (by the way, I think I understand exactly where you are coming from here, I am the same way, when I find a good one worth taking a risk on my hunches are usually spot on, I have too good of a picker)


Ahh , too soon for me it's as simple as that. I know what I'm talking about - for me , you do what you want


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> I lasted a whole month on match.com.....3 weird dates and all of them had major baggage. Too much work to meet someone you have no idea if you will have chemistry with or not.



So have you given the sites away altogether now ?


----------



## whitehawk

lostguy said:


> If I message a girl and get no response then I don't send a second one right away. I might fire off a second email a month or two later after I change my profile around though.
> 
> In my head, I think every girl is different. Say I message her and don't get a response. Now say I message her again a week later. Is she thinking, "Gee, this guy must be interested since he contacted me again" or "Gee, this guy doesn't take a hint." I would think there are girls that could go either way.
> 
> I looked at the meetup site and I joined 2 singles groups so far. One of them is meeting for a hockey game this Sunday so I bought a ticket. Even if I don't find a girl there, at least I got to see a hockey game![/QUOTE
> 
> 
> 
> Yep I agree . Many a girl has fallen for the guy that doesn't give up on her. Mind you , these sites are another world again like most things internet so who knows with them but.
> 
> I have a very special friend that was literally a bit crazy when I first met her. Man did she test me .
> She's had a very rough life though and I just felt , well I wasn't sure but if I persisted she'd come good.
> Well , she's now the best most loving friend I could ever hope for or have ever had , ever. She'd die for you that's how deep she runs.
> But she's not going to offer everything she is , to just anyone.


----------



## lostguy

Just got in from my date and it went really well. We spent about 2 hours at a fun local burger place. Lots of stuff in common, great conversation. 

Going out again in a few days.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> So have you given the sites away altogether now ?


Absolutely, I don't have time for it. I meet so many people in my daily activities, and I had so many prospects. It just wasn't worth my time. 

It is so nice to be out socially and be able to be friends while you figure out if you would like to date someone. I'm dating someone right now that we met out with friends at least 4-5 times before going out by ourselves. It took a lot of the BS out.


----------



## lostguy

Just got back from the second date. I think things are going really, really well. I'm happy.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

whitehawk said:


> Here's one from the coolest chick I've met on them so far that just gets me . It's just loose , light , nice and easy , nothing special but to me really special.
> 
> She just said - no upper case no nothin.
> 
> hi ya m how u doin , I'm r . hey i really liked your stuff , u up for a chat.
> 
> Loved it , I can't stand formal. We emailed back and forth for a few then later rang , talked for a few hrs. Again the next night plus emails .
> I know it's probably self sabotage but we were just about to meet and I cancelled .
> Trouble was it was a lot more than l was expecting to find so soon , l know the signs and her looks were my taste to a T to.
> Just not ready for heavy yet


I think you might want to hold off on dating. Unless there's a really good reason. cancelling at the last minute for a first meeting/date is bad form. You do that to me and unless you got a really good reason I don't give a second chance. 

I had a similar situation a few months back. I met a nice guy through Meetup and after seeing each other at events a few times, he expressed a lot interest in dating me but never really followed up. When he finally did he was so nonchalant and noncommital he didn't come off as interested and I wasn't into him or going out with him so I pretty much told him to ****** off. 

I haven't seen or head from him or about him since. I can only assume that he figured he wasn't ready to date at this point in his life or maybe he found someone else. :scratchhead: Who knows? 

But my .02 is that if you are going to do this dating thing then try and go through with it once you've set up a time/place. If you aren't sure, then hold back and wait until you are ready. Being blown off pretty much sucks either way you look at it, from either direction. 

As for the informal communication, that's a matter of personal preference. I think the "younger set" that texts as a primary form of communicating is more accepting and down with this. Saying "U", "Cuz" "B4" "ur" are considered all good and effective methods of getting the point across and aren't offensive at all. Quite the opposite, it's SOP.

But the older pre-texting/social networking set tends to expect more so less isn't more. They expect more commitment from their initial forms of communication. Often phone calls are looked for as part of the mix along with email/text, etc. In fact, with many who are older, texting and emails as primary ways to communicate are considered BAD form if it isnt followed up with a phone call.

I have NO problem with texting/emailing but if this is the way I make INITIAL contact then it would impress me far more if I could read complete thoughts and sentences..at least in the starting stages. As we got to know each other I'm fine with short words, abbreviations and texts...in fact, I prefer it. I almost always text or email people. My own daughter and I text each other 99% of the time. 

For me, the phone conversation is just a way to confirm a time and date or work out details. I hate talking on the phone with a passion. I rarely answer my phone and if you want to make "small talk" then we do it in person, not on the phone. This puzzles the heck out of my girlfriends, who love to call and just "chat". I love email and PMing.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

lostguy said:


> I've been on match, chemistry, and ******* for months with subpar results. I joined POF this week too.
> 
> I attempted to join eharmony a few months ago. I filled out all their questions and in the end I was denied access because I was separated. That was that. A few weeks ago I met up with my buddy and his wife who met on eharmony about 3 years ago and they suggested I try eharmony again. I attempted to login with my old info and I changed my relationship status to divorced. They then asked me when my divorce was finalized and what the judges name is. Since I'm only separated I didn't have a leg to stand on so I created another account using a different email and put I was divorced.
> 
> So far, I've had the best results with eharmony. I've only been there about 3 weeks but in those three weeks I've gotten about the same amount of replies as I got from any other site I was using for months. Not only that, but I'm getting replies from good lucking girls too.
> 
> After 2 or 3 emails back and forth I ask them if they've ever been engaged or married. When they respond I always tell them that I wanted to bring it up first so I can be honest about my situation. Almost all the girls understand and continue the conversation with me.
> 
> I've been talking to one girl for a few days and we just set up a dinner for this week. It's only going to be my second date since my separation and my first since early November.


I'm glad things are going well with you but you went through a LOT of trouble to get on E Harmony and pass yourself off as divorced in order to get dates. Do you tell the dates right off that you are still technically married?

It wouldn't matter to someone like me assuming you are physically separated (living in separate residences) and on the way to divorce but I'm not looking for a serious or committed relationship in any way. I just want to go out and have a good time so as long as the person isn't actually living with their spouse it's fine.

However many people PAY E-Harmony specifically to look for a committed LTR and they don't even want to consider getting emotionally involved with anyone who isn't bonafide "single". I would think they'd be pissed off at being deceived by you, even if you don't consider it a deception on your part. However "separated" is technically "still married." For many "divorced" isn't just a legal thing but it's emotional as well and it can be a real dealbreaker for many. 

I guess it's your call but I'm wondering why the obsession with this on your part to the point where you will go through all this just to get a date. I am glad you are being honest with these dates so you can proceed on in an honest and open manner. Best of luck.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

> I'm also going to a singles meetup at a hockey game Sunday. I have no idea who's going to be there sex wise or age wise since there are no limits. If worse comes to worse, at least I get discounted tickets to see a game. lol


In my area there's a ton of single meetups. Most of them are just gathering places for singles to get together and do fun stuff. There is a lot of dating on the side as people get to know each other but it's purpose is primarily socialize as a group and meet people, not to find dates specifically, which is what I like about it. 

So even if you don't "meet" someone then at least you can go out, have a good time doing something you have in common that's fun and meet nice people and make friends. It's a good attitude to have when you go to events to just be there to have a good time in a group setting. 

The "sharks" who are obviously there just to prowl around are easily detected and usually avoided. We have a few of those and we make fun of them. They make for good conversation pieces. Try not to be one of those. Don't be too obvious 

With me, I almost NEVER meet someone I want to date off the bat. I have to hang with them in a social setting for awhile before I'll even consider spending time with them. There's this one guy from Meetup I've gotten friendly with who casually mentioned getting lunch in my town next week. I don't know if it was a "date" specifically but I agreed to it. I've come to like his company but initially I had NO interest in him but I've come around to the idea that going out with him would be fun. 

We'll see what happens but in my mind at least, we're still just buds going out for lunch and this is after at least a dozen times of just going to Meetup events and hanging with each other in a group. 

Women like me must just totally frustrate the hell out of you guys. :rofl: I feel for you...


----------



## geek down

I signed up for Meetup like Freak suggested.. First meeting was a dinner with 12 other girls and just me...And I get sick before I can go....figures...


----------



## Freak On a Leash

:lol: :rofl: you poor thing..

But don't worry..there's ALWAYS another Meetup and the ratio is ALWAYS 20:1 in a guy's favor! So sign up for another one and join as many groups as you can! It'll happen again..guaranteed!

You guys have it so good. We women are always saying "Yeah, here we are, 200 people signed up and there are 3 men here." Our male friend LOVES it. Tomorrow night we are going to dinner and to see a band and we reserved a table for 6..Him and 5 women, myself included. How can a man not LOVE that? 

Personally, I don't mind. I love hanging with my gal pals and aren't in the market for dates or relationships but my friends are and they get seriously bummed out about it. They are also all on the online dating sites. I find this all very interesting. 

Divorced life is so fascinating. My 18 year old daughter has it much easier at college. She just gets invited to frat parties and guys hit on her all the time. But she's gorgeous so yeah..that helps.


----------



## geek down

Freak On a Leash said:


> But she's gorgeous so yeah..that helps.


Gets that from her mom....

Yeah I was bummed, but I was in no condition to go at all. The next event is wednesday, so I'll probably go to that.. No more singles nights for a while. I'll be in CT most of the summer, so I'll probably sign up for some groups there too..

I'm so happy right now geek is in...unlike high school when geek was getting harrassed by the football team...until they let the nerd rage out and never bothered me again....

Come on ladies....Leonard needs a Penny!!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

geek down said:


> Gets that from her mom....


Oh..you ARE a charmer!  There's a thread in the social forum with pics of people and I'm in there. I think I hold my own but my daughter is downright stunning. She actually looks like her father and tall, blonde with blue eyes translates VERY well when you are an 18 year old female. 

BUT she takes after her mother when it comes to attitude. It's amazing how similiar we are and even more apparent now that she and I are pretty much doing the same things with regards to our social lives. 



> Yeah I was bummed, but I was in no condition to go at all. The next event is wednesday, so I'll probably go to that.. No more singles nights for a while. I'll be in CT most of the summer, so I'll probably sign up for some groups there too..


Where I live there are a lot of people who come here just for the summer and they sign up for Meetups all the time. That's the beauty of it. It's great because you can just sign up and go out and just be out and about, rather than sitting at home typing on some forum 'til 2 in the morning after eating a Lean Cuisine meat lasagna....

Uh...yeah. Well, I can't afford to go out EVERY night. :rofl:



> I'm so happy right now geek is in...unlike high school when geek was getting harrassed by the football team...until they let the nerd rage out and never bothered me again....


My son is a geek and he often says that in the end the jocks and jerks in school will be asking him if he wants fries with his burger.  Life is the great equalizer. Bill Gates would have no quarrel with that. :smthumbup:


----------



## geek down

Freak On a Leash said:


> Oh..you ARE a charmer!  There's a thread in the social forum with pics of people and I'm in there. I think I hold my own but my daughter is downright stunning. She actually looks like her father and tall, blonde with blue eyes translates VERY well when you are an 18 year old female. I'm a good politician!!! I seen a pic of you at a bar but I don't remember you posting one of your kids..
> 
> BUT she takes after her mother when it comes to attitude. It's amazing how similiar we are and even more apparent now that she and I are pretty much doing the same things with regards to our social lives.  Freak on a leash X2 huh? Bet you girls get into alot of trouble
> 
> 
> 
> Where I live there are a lot of people who come here just for the summer and they sign up for Meetups all the time. That's the beauty of it. It's great because you can just sign up and go out and just be out and about, rather than sitting at home typing on some forum 'til 2 in the morning after eating a Lean Cuisine meat lasagna....
> 
> Uh...yeah. Well, I can't afford to go out EVERY night. :rofl:
> I'll be working at a richy rich beach club...Lots girls, local and not...plus lotsa girls from europe who work and stay there all summer...
> 
> 
> My son is a geek and he often says that in the end the jocks and jerks in school will be asking him if he wants fries with his burger.  Life is the great equalizer. Bill Gates would have no quarrel with that. :smthumbup:


I see the jocks that used to laugh at me working at movie theaters ripping tickets with no hair and big beer guts... hehehe....Guess I might go to my 20th high school reunion in 4 years..

Tell him its good to be the geek right now!!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

I was a geek in high school. Definitely a late bloomer. In my senior year I became somewhat "cool" because I was hanging with a college crowd and my boyfriend was a sophmore in college so that redeemed me a bit. :smthumbup:

I went to my 5 year reunion (I can't believe they had a FIVE YEAR reunion :slap and was looking totally hot with a low cut dress and driving a brand new Mustang GT converible with a diamond ring on my hand (newly engaged). People either didn't recognize me or couldn't believe it was me. :rofl:

That was the last reunion my high school class had..or that I know of. I guess I'd be at my 30th about now? I'd go because I'd be looking totally hot in a size 4 low cut dress, 3 toned hair and newly divorced. . 

It would be totally awesome. :smthumbup:

I know I'm doing better than 95% of the losers who used to make fun of me in high school.  I've since seen a few of them around town. One pumped gas into my brand new Mustang several year ago (that was my second brand new Mustang). I must say it was rather satisfying. :rofl:

I'll have to post some pics of my daughter here. Yes, we are both a LOT of fun together but I can't wait until she turns 21 so we can go to the bars together. I will probabably embarrass her. I always do. It's my job as her mother. But her friends of college love me and say that I'm "cool" so I know it's just her.


----------



## geek down

The football players in my grade jumped me and my buddy after the senior prom. First thing my buddy did was bail.. I stayed..Don't remember anything except a fat lip and the fact that they never even spoke to me for the rest of the year. 

Moral...don't try to beat up the geek...


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Ever watched the show _Freaks and Geeks_? If not, definitely check it out. It's on Netflix. It only lasted one season but it's incredible. One of my favorite shows. 

There's a scene in the first episode where the Geeks take on this bully and it's hysterical. :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Freak On a Leash said:


> I think you might want to hold off on dating. Unless there's a really good reason. cancelling at the last minute for a first meeting/date is bad form. You do that to me and unless you got a really good reason I don't give a second chance.
> 
> I had a similar situation a few months back. I met a nice guy through Meetup and after seeing each other at events a few times, he expressed a lot interest in dating me but never really followed up. When he finally did he was so nonchalant and noncommital he didn't come off as interested and I wasn't into him or going out with him so I pretty much told him to ****** off.
> 
> I haven't seen or head from him or about him since. I can only assume that he figured he wasn't ready to date at this point in his life or maybe he found someone else. :scratchhead: Who knows?
> 
> But my .02 is that if you are going to do this dating thing then try and go through with it once you've set up a time/place. If you aren't sure, then hold back and wait until you are ready. Being blown off pretty much sucks either way you look at it, from either direction.
> 
> As for the informal communication, that's a matter of personal preference. I think the "younger set" that texts as a primary form of communicating is more accepting and down with this. Saying "U", "Cuz" "B4" "ur" are considered all good and effective methods of getting the point across and aren't offensive at all. Quite the opposite, it's SOP.
> 
> But the older pre-texting/social networking set tends to expect more so less isn't more. They expect more commitment from their initial forms of communication. Often phone calls are looked for as part of the mix along with email/text, etc. In fact, with many who are older, texting and emails as primary ways to communicate are considered BAD form if it isnt followed up with a phone call.
> 
> I have NO problem with texting/emailing but if this is the way I make INITIAL contact then it would impress me far more if I could read complete thoughts and sentences..at least in the starting stages. As we got to know each other I'm fine with short words, abbreviations and texts...in fact, I prefer it. I almost always text or email people. My own daughter and I text each other 99% of the time.
> 
> For me, the phone conversation is just a way to confirm a time and date or work out details. I hate talking on the phone with a passion. I rarely answer my phone and if you want to make "small talk" then we do it in person, not on the phone. This puzzles the heck out of my girlfriends, who love to call and just "chat". I love email and PMing.



Thanks Freak , very handy to know.
But yea , it is way too soon for me, especially anything that could become heavy, just not ready to go there , ducked a couple now . 
Wouldn't mind casual , not much feeling , something light and fun but true to form where are they when you want one.

Interesting what you've said though in this contacting stuff. Personally I hate typing , emails , so I'm very lazy with that stuff and appreciate any shortcuts.Anyone I know too even where we might often text, we all cut as many corners as we can . 
Don't mind text but at the end of the day I much prefer real time face to face stuff to be honest. I'd sooner skip all that crap and at least use the damn phone if nothing else.

To me it's like - whoever heard of people in their 30's or 40's fkg around with damn emails and the dating site bs - what are we 13 ! Just get on the damn phone or better yet grab a coffee or something for fk sake. 
Patient aren't I .


----------



## whitehawk

I had a funny in the supermarket yesterday.

This girl seemed to be glancing over a fair bit , and she was nice - with the loveliest [email protected]@ I've seen in a looonnng time.
Then we started bumping into each other , you know how that can happen in shops sometimes.
Then we ended up at the same cashier , just us , on hold because the guy fkd up the machine .
I thought hmm , take your time buddy.
Then we sort of smiled at each other until ,,,, I see this damn rock on her wedding finger , this baby must've weighed 300 lb 
So I looked at her and said - you married ?
She made a teary eye motion and said - yeaaahh !
me - Ohhhhhh 
She giggled !

Life can be such a [email protected]@ch


----------



## eric415

lostguy said:


> Just got back from the second date. I think things are going really, really well. I'm happy.


Nice!!! I'll live vicariously through you.


----------



## eric415

So glad that I found this thread. I've been officially separated for over a month now, but it feels so much longer as she was disconnected for a long time. So I signed up for Match thinking I want to some female companionship and dates, but not a relationship. But going after women on there is tough as I state in my profile that I'm not looking for a relationship, but stating that probably closes me off to 99% that I'm
Interested in. Sent my first email to a hottie tonight that has a lot in common me but no response. Made some jokes and drew references to our similarities. 

It's good to see that others are here that are going through similar feelings.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

eric415 said:


> So glad that I found this thread. I've been officially separated for over a month now, but it feels so much longer as she was disconnected for a long time. So I signed up for Match thinking I want to some female companionship and dates, but not a relationship. But going after women on there is tough as I state in my profile that I'm not looking for a relationship, but stating that probably closes me off to 99% that I'm interested in..


I'm down with the not looking for a relationship but your red flag is the only being separated a month. I wouldn't wouldn't want to hang with someone who has that kind of baggage. It's too close to "married" for me. If someone is separated a year or more and has actually on the way to being divorced then it fits my criteria but if I can still smell their wifes perfume on their clothes it's not going to happen. 

But I'm with you on the not wanting a relationship.


----------

