# Do I deserve to be in trouble for this?



## whatswrongwithme (Jul 24, 2009)

Need some help. I am a little confused. My wife and I have been seperated about a month. My daughter(17) started college this summer and has had a couple of car problems. Besides being homesick, and not havin roomates,she hasn't had the best start of college. Our daughter doesn't tell me all complaints like she is trying to protect me or something. I told her to make a list of problems she is having at college and I can get it to the appropriate department. My wife is angry with me because of car problems our daughter has had. The car was purchased in May, it is 8 years old and has 120,000 miles on it. I fixed teh obvious things wrong with(had an exhaust leak). My wife wanted us(me) to drive it to see what else there might be going to cause problems when our daughter went to college. I drove it a couple of times,(or a few times), we knew the ignition tumbler was going to need replaced, but that was about it. Our daughter drove the car basically every day. The key didn't get fixed till a couple weeks ago since it started to work fine. When it stopped working, it stuck our daughter at her dorm. I went and picked her up for the weekend so she could be home and see her friends. The took her back and fixed the ignition. This weekend she drove home, went with the family to the zoo (with her boyfriend)visited her friends, had a great time. Today her car had antifreeze leaking on the ground. She called me, I drove the hour to where she was, checked the car, found the threads that tha radiator cap screw onto wouldn't hold the radiator cap(which was new) so antifreeze leaked past the cap. I filled coolant, and had her watch the temp(never overheated) and she drove back to college(2 1/2 hour drive) I found a replacement coolant resevoir, and will take it to her on Wednesday to replace it. My wife is angry with that the car leaked, freaking out our daughter, and may be trying not to blame me for driving the car more this spring.
I probably could have driven the car more, but our daughter was noticing problems, she did notice a shifting problem in June, but I pointed out that the transmission has a normal and performance mode that changes the shift pattern(my wife was angry about a transmission problem that wasn't there also)
Am I thinking wrong That I am not in the wrong, and it's not my fault? or am I missing something? My wife is worried, our daughter at college, no roomates, has not had an easy time for first quarter of college,homesick, etc,etc. We did make our daughter stay at college for 2 weeks before letting her come home the first time.

Any help would be appreciated, good or bad. Just want some advice and other views.


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## Anonymous Fella (Aug 3, 2009)

To be honest, sounds a little like the normal used car experience. Everything is a bit worn and broken in. Could you have driven the car more?: yes. If you did, would it guarantee the problems would have arisen?: absolutely not. I've had my new to me P.O.S. for eight years and I still find new problems that have been hidden the whole time. I think it's great you would pick her up and give her a ride. It's fantastic that you would fix and have things repaired. I think the problem with the wife is just stress and nervousness. Maybe she's feeling a little helpless with her daughter's issues, and is demanding that you as the father and husband, fix them. I would also hint in my opinion, your daughter might be having such a ruff time because of you and your wife separating, while she is away at college and unable to discuss the process.

All in all: You should not feel guilty or suffer the wrath of a concerned mother.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Well, it sounds as if you’ve done your due diligence and certainly have stepped up to the plate in fixing the car for your daughter. How much of your wife’s anger is due to the problems in the marriage and not really about the car. She must know you would never put your daughter at risk in an unsafe vehicle. She likely has a bug in her ear with the car and is using that to reflect other issues at you. I would suggest you have your daughter take the vehicle to a respectable service garage and have it fully inspected. Have her email you the estimate and you and your wife review it to see what needs to be done and if the car is worth it. If not look into purchasing something else. Give your wife ownership in making a decision one way or the other. Believe me I know that a child starting in college and replacing a car is a financial burden. (I have one starting his sophomore year) Compound that with the costs of a separation and it is likely daunting, but it may calm the waters so you can focus on the marriage. Good luck.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

You ought to ask your wife what she did to prevent the problems if she's so concerned about it...no, j/k. dont do that. but really, what did your wife do to help with the car?

i think you did what you could and have no reason to feel bad. sounds like your wife is just being a punk.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

My husband bought my stepdaughter a junker car, and I think it is a waste of money. It is just another expensive item to spoil her. All the extra money that we paid for repairs, insurance, and her first auto-accident could have been used to help pay for her college tuition. She lives very close to her high school, her friends, and her new college, that she can get there by walking or by bicycle. 

It is natural to have adjustment problems to a new college. Being away from home for the first time is very stressful. Personally, I think your daughter needs to grow more independent. Is she making friends in her dorm? Why does she even need a car while on campus? I would probably be the type of parent that worries and fixes all my kids problems, but I hope that if they are adult age, I will have the courage to finally let go.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Sensitive i've read your posts on here, you are very jealous of your step daughter, you remind me of my stepfather who I hate.

I am sure your step daughter has or will grow a very strong dislike against you.

You are the parent here, take the high road.....oh I forgot she is not YOURS...I heard this all before, so sad that you are acting like my step father who I still hate 20 years later.


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