# Stuck and confused and sad and...



## SoSadandConfused (Dec 27, 2010)

I'm relatively new to these boards. But I can't tell you how gratifying it is to read about those who are going through similar problems as I am. I have been living the past two years in a personal hell and am confused about what my next step should be.
I first found out my husband was lying to me about where he was going - making plans to meet another woman. He stopped that relationship before it really started. Then a year ago I bugged his phone and computer and found another EA going on that included sexting. I forgave and moved on. 
My most recent hell started in November. I had seen a particular phone number keep coming up on the cell phone bill plus he was exhibiting the same suspicious behavior as before. This number had been showing up for at least 9 months. I accidentally log into his facebook account instead of my own and stumble upon a chat that he and OW are having (while sitting next to me). I copy and paste the chat into my email account and use it to confront him in person while he is meeting the OW. He swears to me that it is over, that it was a one night mistake made by friends. We spend a couple of weeks trying to get back to ourselves. I get a message from the OW's husband. We begin to talk and I find out that nothing has stopped. That they had sex in her house with her husband there! She and I begin having conversations where I find out that this PA has been going on for at least 9 months. That he had lied to her as much as he had lied to me.
The lies seem to never end. He does not know that the OW and I are communicating. There seems to be a 3rd woman involved as well.
I am in a constant state of confusion. He will tell me he loves me - and really makes me believe it. Then I find out later that he is turning around and telling her the same thing. It's like my heart is telling me that I still love him - but my head (and the few friends I have talked to) tell me to get a divorce. I have a counseling appointment set up in a couple of weeks - but this is so hard. We have been together for 15 years, married for 12, and have 2 kids. We are financially in a hole and I only work part-time for now.
Somebody help me... I don't know what to do, what to think, who to believe. This stress is affecting me physically too...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sorry you are having to deal with a lair and a cheater. It seems to be habitual, so it's time for you to stand your ground. Is the OW angry with him as well? Or is she merely hoping you will give him up? No doubt it's time to confront him. 

Here's the link to a website which you might find useful before you confront your husband. AffairCare Home 

Counseling is a great option for you at this point as well. I wish you could get an appointment sooner.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Consider the possibility that he is sick. That he has a love/sex addiction and could get help to overcome this behavior. If this is the case and he is willing to admit it and give up the behavior to keep his marriage, then you might consider staying. He may have depression or be using substances (alcohol, pot, pills) that are causing him to behave inappropriately. Goodluck.


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