# Where Im at now...



## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

My wife told me in mid January that she wanted a divorce. Didn't tell the kids until 1 week ago...her choice. Since she told me she wanted a divorce, she has been hanging out at a local bar with a divorced friend and other friends. Several nights coming home at 1:30am, couple nights until 4:30am and a couple nights staying over at her friends house. C'mon...a 40 year old woman with 3 kids at home (10, 13, and 16) and she's staying overnight? Now she tells me that her and some of her high school girlfriends are staying at her friends house..in a different city, this weekend. Leaving Friday after work and getting home Sunday. She already contacted and met with and signed papers with "her" attorney, which she can't afford the retainer fee. So I met with an attorney, who really has helped me quite a bit. Basically, stopped access to bank accounts that she wasn't on. At the end of the session, I asked what his attorney fee was, he said, "I'll just bill you monthly". I feel a little more in control now and not as lost. I still hate the fact that I am in this situation, but I realize that life will, in fact, get much better in the future.
thinner


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Log her activities. Staying out all night, not being there for the kids. Hanging out in bars, partying... Credit card receipts. Check her email, phone.... see if she is seeing someone else. More than likely she is. Track it all. It may come in handy in any divorce disputes. Sorry you are having to go through all this. Good luck.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Is she having some sort of midlife crisis? That doesn't sound like how a 40 year old woman should behave. I guess hanging out with divorced friends will do that, as well. Stay strong. Sounds like you're looking out for you and your kids.


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## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

It basically feels like she's sewing her oats and not thinking of the kids. And she was the one that told me I was being selfish when i said, we need to tell the kids. I'm a firm believer that you reap what you sew. It hurts to see the person you spent almost 19 years married to acting the way she's acting, but I am looking out for myself and of course my kids. Good thing I'm a home-body. Thanks for the encouraging words everyone.
thinner


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I feel like my H is doing the same, we got together when we were 15, I was his first GF, 15 years and 3 kids later he's moved out, going out all the time, drinking, hanging out with mates that cheat on their wives.. and doing god knows what? 

Just have to try and rise above it, my kids are still little and don't really see whats going on, they just know their daddy doesn't love Mummy any more, they don't see what he is doing..

Look after yourself stay strong and be there for the kids, and be prepared to answer their questions x


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## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

So last night after work we had my middle sons parent teacher conferences. We drove separate (because she was going to tan after the conference) (getting ready for her girls weekend). My son wanted to ride with me there, but she talked him into riding with her. Conference went fine, after which i took him home, corrected my youngest son's math, made sure they got ready and got in bed at bedtime and went to read. Even my 16 year old daughter came up and gave me a hug goodnight and said she loved me. Evidently, my wife went over to a friends house after tanning. I started to feel bad for my wife, because when she's gone, the kids don't even ask where she's at anymore...it's like they don't care. I wrote a one page note, explaining how she can't be doing this and she has to be home for the kids, especially tucking them in at night. I folded it and put it in the bedroom where she sleeps. i went and read for an hour. At 10pm, I went in and took the note and put it in my dresser. She came home at 11:30pm. My thinking is, she's burning her own bridges with our kids. If she wants to hang out every night and go out on the weekends like a 21 year old, then she can. But if i hear of any of this going on when we live in separate households and she has the kids for that week, I'm contacting my attorney. I just don't know what the H*ll she's thinking. Terribly confused. She says she hasn't changed one bit, and I think she actually believes that. But she has changed, and it's definitely for the worse. I just don't know what is going on in that head of hers.
thinner


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## alicewonderland (Feb 11, 2011)

Sorry too for what you are going through. Its very hard when you have kids. I do understand what you are saying as my H hasnt contacted our daughter in a week. I dont get it. He has gone off with another woman and wonder what the hell is wrong with him. He has 2 gorgeous kids and probably sees them once a fortnight????? What happened to responsibility, parenting it seems to have gone out the door. Its like he has left all the responsibilities up to me while he goes and has a good time. So I truly do understand and have decided the best thing is to be there for my kids. I tell them every day that I love them and they can speak to me about anything. I am no longer pushing them to see their dad. I think their dad needs to grow up and act like an adult!!!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

thinner said:


> I still hate the fact that I am in this situation, but I realize that life will, in fact, get much better in the future.


This is the right attitude to have. You will be fine, no matter what.

She will have to deal with the consequences of her actions (wife turned party girl and absent mother).


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## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

thanks for your replies everyone. I think I can probably speak the general consensus when i say that the most confusing part of what is going on is that I used to be able to predict almost every one of her thoughts, actions, etc. Now, I am totally in a cloud and I am unable to predict anything about her anymore. Just an odd feeling.
thinner


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

thinner said:


> thanks for your replies everyone. I think I can probably speak the general consensus when i say that the most confusing part of what is going on is that I used to be able to predict almost every one of her thoughts, actions, etc. *Now, I am totally in a cloud and I am unable to predict anything about her anymore. * Just an odd feeling.
> thinner


And that is such a [email protected]! I spent 15 years with some one I thought I knew inside and out.. How wrong I was...:scratchhead:

We have to stop trying to second guess them now, keep moving forward x


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Yes, a very odd feeling not having the slightest clue what may come, or what has happened.
Keep on trucking i guess...


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## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

A new update on my current situation...
wife and I still living together...for exactly 2 more weeks...came to an agreement on the divorce agreement.
1. we sold our house and close at end of month
2. I close on my new house at end of month
3. we sign the divorce agreement on my bday
4. my atty said he could have a judges signature on it the next day.
So...life does move on and currently very fast. I need to start packing.  I was sad in beginning, because this is what she wanted, but I have passed that and am now anticipating a bright future. things I want to start doing again, that I lost all interest in 6 months ago. Also looking forward to creating a fantastic new home, hardwood floors, marble countertops and new appliances. Kids are doing great. They are happy they'll be in same neighborhood when they stay with me. Plus, we'll still have a large downstairs family room to hang out and play.  Just thought I'd inject a little of my happiness to the board today. I do believe there is a "happily ever after" in the future.
thinner


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