# my wife closes her eyes during sex



## strange_magic (Aug 1, 2012)

should I be worried or bothered by this?


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

Well... _does_ it worry or bother you?

It would bother me. To the point that I would pull out immediately and ask her WTF her problem was.

If you're okay with it, then just keep pumping. I can't help but feel it's disrespectful. But I would need to know a bit more about your sex life to understand your situation.

Is she eager to have sex with you, or do you have to ask often (or always)? Do you have sex regularly? Is she enthusiastic during sex? Are you athletic/built, or are you big-boned (fat)?


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I close my eyes during sex. I do it because

A. It feels good and I just love to relax and enjoy

B. Sometimes I've found things that bother me, and will immediately cause me distress (something fallen over, car lights through the blinds, a fly or mosquito flying around, a spider on the wall) anything out of the ordinary would tend to get in the way.

Unfortunately I can't always shut my brain off, and can become distracted, even if I'm having the most terrific time. Sometimes anxiety will creep in, and would possibly destroy my mood. If I close my eyes, I can just focus on the feelings and sounds.

That's just the way I am though. Everyone is different. Maybe she's embarrassed about seeing the O face or seeing you watch her makes her uncomfortable? Ask her, she'll be able to tell you if it's worth worrying over.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

At least she is not watching TV.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

What's wrong with closing your eyes during sex? If I feel like closing my eyes, I do. If I feel like having them open, I do. Is there supposed to be some deep reason not to close them?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I close them, open them, close them...never thought about it.

Does it bother you? well, obviously it does since you posted, but why?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If she's most comfortable that way you would probably want to leave that preference alone. But if you do want her to make eye contact you could ask her as a favor to you and see if she responds. Just don't expect it all the time, a compromise is a compromise, otherwise it's giving in and giving up your own preference which is uncool as each person should ideally bring something to the table, but also get their fill as well. I think it's better to discuss it outside of the bedroom and in a context that makes it something that she can do for you sometimes, versus something she does for herself all the time, that is hurtful or offensive to you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I close my eyes quite often. Mostly to try to block out the kids calling thru the door... The times I DO open my eyes, tho, I often notice my husband's eyes are closed. It doesn't bother me. But I agree with the others... it bothers you. Why?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

that_girl said:


> *I close them, open them, close them...never thought about it.
> *
> Does it bother you? well, obviously it does since you posted, but why?



That's called blinking.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

LOL no. Not blinking 

Sometimes it's nice to FEEL things without seeing them. Sometimes it's nice to see them too. I have to have my eyes open when he's on top. His torso turns me on


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

strange_magic said:


> should I be worried or bothered by this?



Does she have narcolepsy?


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## strange_magic (Aug 1, 2012)

I appreciate the replies (LOL'd at a few of them). I guess a little background info would help. Our sex life is actually pretty decent (1-3/per week). this is just something I have noticed recently. The reason this is slightly bothersome to me is, I worry she is possibly not attracted to me/fantasising about other men. I did bring it up to her once and she was a little defensive so I figured it best just to not press the issue. Your replies have helped- thanks


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

strange_magic said:


> should I be worried or bothered by this?


Some people do close their eyes during sex.

Some don't. 

Why would it worry you?

Any other problems?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Blindfold her.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

My wife has told me that sometimes she needs to concentrate on what she's feeling in order to be able to have an orgasm. Shutting her eyes allows her to focus.

She also shuts her eyes when she's listening to music that really moves her.

Perhaps your wife is the same.

Now, if she starts snoring, you should be worried and bothered.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Many years a go my H asked me not to close my eyes during sex so much.... I didn't even realise how often i closed my eyes until i was made aware of it.. 

He likes eye contact.... it turns him on. I had no idea!! Duh!!

Glad he told me.... otherwise i wouldn't have known how important it is too him.

I'd bring it up again if it's important to you.


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

strange_magic said:


> I appreciate the replies (LOL'd at a few of them). I guess a little background info would help. Our sex life is actually pretty decent (1-3/per week). this is just something I have noticed recently. The reason this is slightly bothersome to me is, I worry she is possibly not attracted to me/fantasising about other men. I did bring it up to her once and she was a little defensive so I figured it best just to not press the issue. Your replies have helped- thanks


I have to close out external distractions and focus on physical touch in order to have an orgasm. I also can't have music on because my stupid mind will focus on the music instead of what's happening with my body. Closing my eyes helps me O. Maybe your wife is like this? Can't speak for her, but I'm certainly not thinking about anyone else. Just the physical sensation.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Kathrynthegreat said:


> I have to close out external distractions and focus on physical touch in order to have an orgasm. I also can't have music on because my stupid mind will focus on the music instead of what's happening with my body. Closing my eyes helps me O. Maybe your wife is like this? Can't speak for her, but I'm certainly not thinking about anyone else. Just the physical sensation.


Ditto


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

There could be quite a few reasons she's closing her eyes during sex. You're asking us what we think, but I'm much more interested in how you feel. Do you feel intimately connected to your wife during sex?


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Just so she doesn't start snoring !!


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Has she always done this? If so, maybe that is just what she thinks she is supposed to do, when she is about to orgasm, say to her, look at me.... look in my eyes, something to that manner... sexy like... or say it while you are making love.... I love looking my husbands in the eyes. But I often find that i close my eyes out of habit and pleasure.... my husband reminds me.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

The closing of the eyes also allows pupil dilation to occur. Which is a natural phenomena during sex. Hence people preferring soft light for romance. 

Now associating the closing of the eyes with fantasizing with other men is a bit of a stretch.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

my wife always closes her eyes as well. Whether it is sex or me going down they are always closed. Hell if she kept them open it probably would feel like a staring contest and we'd both start laughing.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

I am an eye closer as well. For the same reason many of the ladies on here have mentioned, it blocks out distractions and helps me to focus. 

If men had the chance to live in our heads for just one day, they would be aghast at the myriads of items that can be swirling around in our heads all at one time. 

Its hard enough to get all of those thoughts to quiet down enough...if I had my eyes open the entire time, I would also end up noticing the crooked painting on the wall right behind him, the dust on the ceiling fan, etc. And it's not because I don't want to be there...because most times, I am the initiator! It's just the way some of our brains work. I really really wish I could turn it off. It sucks.

Take advantage of it, next time her eyes are closed, put your lips close to her ear and mention all the sexy things you are getting ready to do to her in a soft, breathy voice. Her eyes will be closed and she will be focused, hanging on to your every word


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

My W closes hers quite a bit during sex. Open / Close. Open / Close. Sometimes she wants to see me in her or what I'm doing. I never really paid too much attention to it, but I do know when she closes her eyes, she's concentrating on what she's feeling. Heck, if I'm having a little bit of a hard time, I do it myself. Hard to focus 100% on what you're feeling when your eyes are open and someone's giving you an "O" face! :rofl:

Try this...next time she does it, wait until she's on the verge of orgasm. Lean into her, grab a little bit of her hair at the base of her head, turn her to you, and say "baby, look at me...l want you to look at me when you come!". That's an out of the ballpark turn on for my W when I do that.


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## strange_magic (Aug 1, 2012)

DDC said:


> There could be quite a few reasons she's closing her eyes during sex. You're asking us what we think, but I'm much more interested in how you feel. Do you feel intimately connected to your wife during sex?


I do feel intimately connected (most of the time) during sex, and I think she does also. I have just recently been a little bit paranoid for some reason. She will go through phases where she seems very distant for a few weeks. I have had several close friends/relatives who have discovered their wives have been having affairs and I think it's messing with my head. I am not sure if she has been closing her eyes all along and my recent insecurities are just now making me take notice?


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Is she displaying any red flags for an affair? Google the signs and see if she does. If not, and this is the only thing she does to cause concern, I wouldn't really worry about it.

Some of us women have brains that just don't stop, no matter what we're doing or how wonderful it is. And I don't know about other women, but I do not have a point of no return (i.e. my getting to orgasm can be interupted and be back at square one again). So like someone said above, closing the eyes and concentrating on the feel and sounds and pleasure might help her climax.

And I'll be brutally honest with you, she may be fantasizing about something else. Maybe not another man per se, but she could be fantasizing about another location or a naughty fantasy. Even if she is, there is no way you're going to know unless she tells you, as you can't get into her head and police her thoughts.

I wouldn't worry about it. She loves you (I'm sure) and you're probably just getting anxious over something that has nothing to do with you.

Wish you both the best
SaU


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

strange_magic said:


> should I be worried or bothered by this?


Is she otherwise engaged with you and enthusiastically present during sex?

Closing's one's eyes can help a person concentrate - for instance if she has problems orgasmimg by being easily distracted by other thoughts/sights, closing her eyes could help to focus all of her thoughts and energy on the pleasant sensations.

I know that David Schnarch in the book "Passionate Marriage" says that looking in to your lover's eyes during the height of orgasm can increase the intimacy dramatically. Some people, though, may shy away from that if they have trouble with intimacy in general, or if they perceive that type of vulnerability as a weakness instead of a strength.

How do you think she perceives it? How do you perceive it? Have you ever discussed this with each other?

Best wishes.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

The rare moments my ex and I had sex after we first got married, she kept her eyes closed. She didn't do this when we were dating.
Since the divorce I have found that all of my dates do the same, so I just assume they are thinking of somebody else while just going through the motions. This is true even if we date for as long as a month.


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## strange_magic (Aug 1, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> Is she otherwise engaged with you and enthusiastically present during sex?
> 
> Closing's one's eyes can help a person concentrate - for instance if she has problems orgasmimg by being easily distracted by other thoughts/sights, closing her eyes could help to focus all of her thoughts and energy on the pleasant sensations.
> 
> ...


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## strange_magic (Aug 1, 2012)

She seems very enthusiastic and connected during the sex.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

strange_magic said:


> should I be worried or bothered by this?


You must believe if she closes her eyes she's must be thinking of another man. When you close your eyes, are you thinking of other women?


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> I know that David Schnarch in the book "Passionate Marriage" says that looking in to your lover's eyes during the height of orgasm can increase the intimacy dramatically.


Tried it before I read the book and noted that it did so. After reading the book, his take on this only confirmed it outside of my anecdotal experience.


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## JaLeRi (Jul 26, 2012)

strange_magic said:


> should I be worried or bothered by this?


I close my eyes because it helps me focus on how it feels. Then I am able to climax easier, I get distracted when my eyes are open and I look at things... closing helps me focus


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

perhaps you should talk to her

i hear that works.....


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Stevie Wonder sunglasses?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

My wife shuts her eyes because she says my face contorts like a yoga instructor during sex. Heck, sometimes she'll stare at me and I'll start to crack up, so I'll throw a pillow over her head or flip her around so I don't lose the mojo.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I close my eyes because I am enjoying the sensations. I will open my eyes sometimes to look in my husband's because he likes it. I also like to watch him move his hips while we make love.


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## roger boschman (Aug 3, 2012)

strange_magic said:


> should I be worried or bothered by this?


 YOU should not be worried IF she is smiling, moaning with delight, saying I love you and / or calling for God.
Then let her enjoy,while you are enjoying seeing her face and body...Enjoy Sex..it's great! -- Roger G. Boschman, Therapist.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some people worry too much.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

strange_magic said:


> should I be worried or bothered by this?


I don't think so. 

Worry or get bothered if you slip into duty s*x mode, and your W closes her eyes and keeps her head turned to the side...every time.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> I don't think so.
> 
> Worry or get bothered if you slip into duty s*x mode, and your W closes her eyes and keeps her head turned to the side...every time.




:iagree: 


I'd only be worried if it's this kind too ^^^^^


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Sometimes it's nice to FEEL things without seeing them.


 My wife is like this. When we were first married she always preferred to make love in the dark. She had/has body issues, and I assumed this was just a part of it. But when we started introducing toys into the bedroom, she prefers to wear a blindfold when she's on the receiving end because she enjoys the surprise of it, and it helps her to focus on her enjoyment of the act.


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## roger boschman (Aug 3, 2012)

I took time to reply,but my message is not in the line-up. Problem?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

when i'm working up to an O I close my eyes.Helps me focus better and helps me feel things more intense.


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