# Updates...he's leaving



## Jessica1 (Nov 29, 2010)

Well,

Thanks everyone who gave me support on this forum. You see I married someone from overseas. He moved here a year ago and since then he has not been interested in sex. He loves to cuddle but is not interested in much more. He hasn't helped around the house enough and is totally messy. Anyways, he doesn't share emotionally and mentally with me. Chats all night with his friends on the computer. I went away at Christmas to "give him space". I came back and he told me he realized he was happier without me and posted on facebook to all his friends the past year was the worst of his life! (and he said im not supposed to take that personally!) Recently, I also did some snooping because he is so secretive. Anyways, on his cell he had some bizzare messages on his "quickpad" Im not even sure what quick pad is?! as Im techie illiterate. He told me he's not sure how he got those messages they were like "spam" btw, one said "love you forever!" then he told his friend that he sent those messages to me a while ago and I forgot about them! Anyways, he is constantly lying and I never know what is really in his heart. So, after dealing with this for some time, the stress has been causing my health to deteriorate. My doctor and friends told me I can't continue like this. I don't want to rush into a divorce, so I told him to get a room for rent for a while so we can think about what we really want. Well, he only seemed sad one time and now hes buying cell phones, computer, etc, and seems happy about moving out. He's finally showing motivation now. Anyways, I have mixed feelings, I feel relieved, and happier, but also a bit sad at the same time, that he seems so happy about it. So mixed strange feelings and also like I'll never know the truth in his heart about me, moving here, his motives in marrying me. I feel like the villian being the one to ask him to move, but he left the relationship long ago, and ive tried for so long and felt rejected so long that my health was deteriorating. Anyways, thanks for letting me share on here, it's a lot to go through alone. btw, he even told a friend he likes his computer and phone more than me! I'm tired of being second best to technology. Also, that he wanted to know if its ok to sleep with someone when your separated to show him how he really feels. And he doesn't want to tell me about it, because I have "trust issues!" wow.


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## Jessica1 (Nov 29, 2010)

I also forgot to add that he is addicted to porn and now I also think he's doing "live" porn. He has been abused in the past but I mean did not have a prob with sex when we first met overseas. But now he stays up at night, I sleep alone, and he sleeps with his computer and porn.


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## Dadeo (Oct 2, 2010)

I am not usually one for tossing out simplistic sound bites, but in this case...

Let him leave, Gut instinct tells me you would be substantially better off with him gone.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

:iagree:


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

It must be a rought time for you. Sounds like there is good reason to move on. 

Don't try and think of the why or how or expect to get answers. If you have friends or family lean on them. Like others have said you might be best without this person. Regardless you cannot change them or get them to "love you" if they do not or never did. 

Sorry if this sounds harsh. Prayher has helped me through my tough times. Some may call it hokey or whatever...

Good luck in your next chapter. Only you can put your mind to it and make it better than the last!


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## epicfail (Jan 19, 2011)

Dearest Jessica: 


I too married a foreign national and have often wondered if my marriage was a "sham marriage" (used for a green card and citizenship). I remember the very day he got the card in the mail, he sent me an email that said, "thank you for everything you've done for me." and then I found out about the other woman. 

It's important for you to know that you are worth more than what he is offering. So, keep your self-respect about you and collect what's left of your self-esteem and confidence and start rebuilding your life. 

Oh, and ensure that you are well versed when it comes to the divorce laws in your state.


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