# Parental expectations...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've read before in a few posts way back in regards to have no expectations for my daughter. I took it to heart, and I love her immensely regardless of what she does. Thankfully, she's very lovable, very loving, fun, cute, and amusingly drives my wife insane. She loves music and soon we will start guitar lessons together (I always wanted to learn guitar too!)

I do have high expectations of her, I just can't seem to help it. I don't put her down however, and when she tries to be stubborn with me I let her know of my disappointment but that's it. It's enough to inspire her to be a good girl for daddy however. She always wants to be in daddy's good books, for mum though, hehe...

She's pure awesomeness to me, I couldn't have asked for a better child. I always wanted a son but I wouldn't have her replaced for anyone. She's taken my lessons to heart and seems to be quite a smartass which is good in my opinion. But at the back of my mind I always remember what others have said...

Expectations = Bad
What do you guys think?


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I think it depends on what kinds of expectations you have for your child. I think people say, "Expectations = Bad" if you're trying to live vicariously through them or are expecting them to become someone they aren't or were never meant to be. You should enjoy your child for who she is and is meant to be (and it sounds like you are doing just fine in that regard!). 

Reasonable expectations are things like behavior at home or in public. Expecting them to pick up after themselves (when old enough to do so), expecting them to brush their teeth before bed, do their homework before getting to play etc. But expecting them to change their temperament because it fits you better, interests, hobbies (unless those hobbies are harmful) or even once old enough to decide for themselves politics and religion or even sexual orientation or career etc. - then that's when expectations = bad.

If there is such a thing as unconditional love, it's the love a parent has for their child.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> I think it depends on what kinds of expectations you have for your child. I think people say, "Expectations = Bad" if you're trying to live vicariously through them or are expecting them to become someone they aren't or were never meant to be. You should enjoy your child for who she is and is meant to be (and it sounds like you are doing just fine in that regard!).
> 
> Reasonable expectations are things like behavior at home or in public. Expecting them to pick up after themselves (when old enough to do so), expecting them to brush their teeth before bed, do their homework before getting to play etc. But expecting them to change their temperament because it fits you better, interests, hobbies (unless those hobbies are harmful) or even once old enough to decide for themselves politics and religion or even sexual orientation or career etc. - then that's when expectations = bad.
> 
> If there is such a thing as unconditional love, it's the love a parent has for their child.


:iagree:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *RandomDude said*: She loves music and soon we will start guitar lessons together (I always wanted to learn guitar too!)


 Sounds like you are going down the right path -since she is showing signs of loving music ...:smthumbup: Dad might as well learn along side her, great memories there. 




Miss Taken said:


> I think it depends on what kinds of expectations you have for your child. I think people say, "Expectations = Bad" if you're trying to live vicariously through them or are expecting them to become someone they aren't or were never meant to be. You should enjoy your child for who she is and is meant to be (and it sounds like you are doing just fine in that regard!).


 For instance, when I was a little girl, my mother sent me to tap dancing school, I HATED IT -no interest at all, but you see, she always wanted to be a dancer, my grandparents won contests back in the day, well this skipped my generation or something. 

I tried to get my oldest son to play Baseball when he was in Elementary -cause this is what BOYS DO... all he wanted to do was hit the bat...and he started to sit down in the field , that was the end of that. Come to learn his passion was Music, not sports so much -but he did get into Cross Country due to liking a girl who was a star runner, trying to impress her. That became a passion too.

We need to watch our kids closely and gleem their individual GIFTS... and nourish those individual gifts.... not what we want them to grow up to be -but what THEY themselves have a passion & JOY for. 

My daughter loves Horses , drawing & gymnastics, these are her things...she gets EXCITED about her tumbling class, it brightens her world...this is how we need to encourage ...when kids do what they love, and it doesn't seem like a chore, these expectations will fall by the wayside, and you can just sit back and watch nature takes it course...watching your little girl grow in her talents -praising her & encouraging her as the yrs roll past. This should lead to very healthy self esteem also.



> Reasonable expectations are things like behavior at home or in public. Expecting them to pick up after themselves (when old enough to do so), expecting them to brush their teeth before bed, do their homework before getting to play etc. But expecting them to change their temperament because it fits you better, interests, hobbies (unless those hobbies are harmful) or even once old enough to decide for themselves politics and religion or even sexual orientation or career etc. - then that's when expectations = bad.


:iagree:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Guess this makes sense then 

Thanks folks for the replies, good to know I'm on the right track as well as what to look out for. Music is always playing at our house, often three or more sources however, each room has its own 'theme' at times. It managed to pacify our daughter from crying when she was a cub too hehehe xD


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Random. You have one job in life as a parent and that is preparing her to be a healthy (mentally and phyically) happy person. Keep this in mind when raising her. And remember holding her accountable is part of preparing her for grown up life.

For example, letting her be disrespectful to her mother will come back to haunt her and she'll eventually feel guilt over it as well.

In regards to expectations well keep it in prospective. Remember she doesn't have to win everything and be the best at everything. She needs to grow up and be a responsible adult and parent to her children. I firmly believe when you create an environment where there are boundaries and rules and consequences that you set your children up for success later in life. Things like having respect for her parents (both of them) and for authority figures like teachers, being nice to people, not judging, etc are important.

There's 1000 more things to consider that you get the concept of what I'm saying.


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