# bisexual partner, is he cheating?



## chicaluv67 (Jan 11, 2016)

Short version of story - found out partner of 5 years is bisexual and into some very kinky stuff last fall. For some crazy reason I tried to be understanding and accepting and loving about it. It's been a year since I found the evidence which he had to confess to it was too overwhelming. I was stupid and thought we could work through it. I have lost hope. 

I can not get over the feeling that is cheating on me with men. I need to know for sure, I have access and permission to use his computer...I want to install a keylogger. I know some of you will say why bother? But for me I need to know, I need facts. I need undeniable evidence and I am ready now to face it. I guess I wasn't before. I need some recommendations. I don't care about the money or the risks, the rules changed when he couldn't stop being shady, he did this not me and I want proof.

What makes this suck even more is that he is, on the surface, the guy you think you want to be with. He is attentive and loving, helps around the house, makes dinner, brings me coffee, etc etc. But there is this dark, very strange kinky side to him that I thought I could handle. It's a little too much for me. I hate that I have to leave him, I hate that I have to break up with him but for my own sanity I think it's the only option. This is breaking my heart. Thanks all


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Must be a real shocker for you.


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## chicaluv67 (Jan 11, 2016)

I was in shock when I first found out, in denial for the last year but now I'm just sad.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. 

What happened when you found out about his bisexuality? 
Was it porn or was he looking for hooks ups?

Do you guys have any kids together? 

I understand completely about needing solid proof, with his past behaviour I doubt you will get much truth. 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cheating or not, if he couldn't be bothered to tell you that he's bisexual prior to the onset of physical intimacy (as in waaaaay back when your relationship first began), you need to dump him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

:|
WHAT is in the air??


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

CatJayBird said:


> :|
> WHAT is in the air??


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

browser said:


>


Hmmmmmm.....Interesting...I don't see gay or bisexuality on there anywhere.

*shrugs*


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Try this one.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Straight-Gay Scale

1: Straight
2 -10 : Gay
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chicaluv67 (Jan 11, 2016)

He has a kid, none together. I found a lot of sh*t that was undeniable. I'm an idiot for trying to make it work but I went to counseling and did some research on women who were in the same situation and they worked through it. It sucks when you find out your person is a liar and a cheat, but then you find out he also has secrets like this...wow it really does a number mentally. Any keylogger recommendations?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

chicaluv67 said:


> I went to counseling and did some research on women who were in the same situation and they worked through it.


You've read where women who found out their husband was a cheating bisexual worked it out?

Do you have any links I'd like to read how such a relationship could possibly be salvageable. 

I mean what do they do to fix things, does she use a strap on and talk to him in a deep voice while she's pegging him and in response he moans with pleasure and promises never to cheat on her again because she's meeting all his needs?

Sounds a bit farfetched.


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## chicaluv67 (Jan 11, 2016)

Ok, so not sure why I would make that up? Yes I actually I did find articles, last year when I was in the midst, crossdressers, men who had been with other men and men who are both...yes, they worked it out. There are whole entire communities out there for people who live like this. I have actually even watched interviews with couples who live it. It's funny because most people wouldn't think twice if it was a woman who was bisexual. I also personally know a few couples who swing and are happy with their lifestyle choices.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

chicaluv67 said:


> Ok, so not sure why I would make that up? Yes I actually I did find articles, last year when I was in the midst, crossdressers, men who had been with other men and men who are both...yes, they worked it out. There are whole entire communities out there for people who live like this. I have actually even watched interviews with couples who live it. It's funny because most people wouldn't think twice if it was a woman who was bisexual. I also personally know a few couples who swing and are happy with their lifestyle choices.


Please allow me to clarify. I didn't mean to say your story is farfetched, I have doubts as to how many successful reconciliations are possible between a cheating bisexual male spouse who is hooking up with guys for sex and his lovely wife who married a man who she thought would be faithful to him and not jumping on the first available sex organ regardless of what gender it happens to belong to.

Swinging, crossdressing, and even homosexuality are completely irrelevant to the situation as you describe it.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

chicaluv67 said:


> Ok, so not sure why I would make that up? Yes I actually I did find articles, last year when I was in the midst, crossdressers, men who had been with other men and men who are both...yes, they worked it out. There are whole entire communities out there for people who live like this. I have actually even watched interviews with couples who live it. It's funny because most people wouldn't think twice if it was a woman who was bisexual. I also personally know a few couples who swing and are happy with their lifestyle choices.


It's called an open relationship. If you're okay with it, then go for it. Otherwise, it'll never work out.


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## chicaluv67 (Jan 11, 2016)

What I saw in a lot of these stories was a recurring theme that one of the partners came out after being in the relationship for a while and many women like myself found things that brought the situation to light and they still worked it out. 

In my present situation, I just want to know if he has physically cheated on me...porn, websites I don't care about that stuff it's not an issue for me but the physical act of being with another person and cheating to be there, lying, being deceitful and all that entails, male or female is a deal breaker for me. An open relationship has not been presented, swinging has been discussed in the past year but not for a while now. I'm not rushing to the nearest get together, which happens to be a couple towns over. 

If anyone knows of a decent keylogger please let me know.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Just Google free keylogger and read the reviews. That will tell you more than recommendations from a handful of posters here.

Here I just saved you some typing into a search engine.

https://www.raymond.cc/blog/free-and-simple-keylogger-to-monitor-keystrokes-in-windows/


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

This thread hurts my heart and I feel for ya chica....


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

chicaluv67 said:


> He has a kid, none together. I found a lot of sh*t that was undeniable. I'm an idiot for trying to make it work but I went to counseling and did some research on women who were in the same situation and they worked through it. It sucks when you find out your person is a liar and a cheat, but then you find out he also has secrets like this...wow it really does a number mentally. Any keylogger recommendations?


Yeah.

Don't bother w/ one at all and dump him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chicaluv67 (Jan 11, 2016)

Thanks everyone. Thanks Jaybird, it really hurts my heart too. We've been together for 5 years, friends for 25 years...it's not gonna be easy to walk away.

It's not an easy out, I would move to another state...i kinda hate where I live anyway and we have a housing shortage here so even if I wanted to stay without him, I couldn't even think about affording it alone and at my age I have zero interest in living with roommates. So I would head far far away from all of this. I am also in school for my job, they paid...I should probably finish and I may have to consider I will have to repay the tuition if I leave. SO, I need a little time to get my sh*t together before I can just "dump him". Thanks all for the info and for listening.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@chicaluv67 He might be cheating, but he might not.

In order to discover this, if you want to, please check out this thread which is a valuable resource here on TAM http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Chica,

I am a little confused. You want to "find out" if he is cheating on you with men because this bi sexual side was exposed . But not through cheating???? Through websites???? Or porn??

if I am right, lets take it one step at a time
(1) Cheating is NOT OK, whether it is heterosexual or bi sexual. Cheating is cheating. That is the first issue you need resolution on
(2) You are correct. There are entire communities probably out there of folks who have "kinky" lifestyles and if they are both on the same page, what they do in private is none of anyone's business
(3) So if he is NOT cheating, but IS bi sexual, is that a deal breaker for you????? It is possible he can have bi sexual tendencies but no act on them
(4) you are also correct, that our society does not tolerate bisexuality in men anywhere near the way they do with women. 

I think you do need to snoop to find out the truth about the infidelity before you make any firm decisions because it sounds like you have investigated this and the cheating bothers you more than the bi sexuality. 

I may be totally wrong and if so I apologize.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This kind of thread always triggers me.

My first LTR was bi-sexual.

But I only found out about thst when she dumped me for a woman who was a former lover of hers.

So relationships on TAM with bi-sexuals always makes me a little nervous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chicaluv67 (Jan 11, 2016)

I did find out because of porn, pictures and fetish websites he was frequenting when my laptop died and I had to use his and he forgot to close something. As far I know it never went beyond the internet but how will I ever know? I didn't put a keylogger on then which I probably should have, I probably should have just left then but I didn't so here I am. 

At first the bisexuality was something I thought I could accept as long as he didn't act on it, the same with any relationship...you might like blondes but that doesn't mean you cheat on your partner to be with one. So I was ok with it I guess but lately he's been acting shady again, like before when this all went down and since he got much smarter about covering his tracks on the computer I have no idea if he's watching kinky porn (which he likes, the kinkier the better) or if there is more going on. That's the problem with hiding things, my brain get anxious and imagines all kinds of things. What is my intuition and what is my mind freaking out? ANYWAY, yes, I do need to find out for my sanity absolutely...either way. I wish people understood that once you break that trust, it's gone forever even when you work through things and I don't believe you ever get that 100% trust feeling back again. He was the first man I had ever been with that I thought I could trust 100% and I would always say that I was so happy I didn't ever have to worry about him or his character. It's a complete disappointment, but probably the reason I tried so hard to just accept and love him. I didn't want to believe he was capable of being a d-bag. Maybe I will find out he's just watching porn and cruising bizarre websites. Some how, from what I've read on here that is rarely the case when you start looking.

Everything is so available now, we can explore our deepest darkest fantasies without anyone ever knowing, until they find a window you forgot to close. Self control is key folks. Thanks


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

IMHO
Cheating is not OK, it makes no difference whether its straight or bi. 

An open relationship can be ok if both parties agree, but rarely works out well. Again, the genders don't matter.

Being bisexual doesn't somehow make someone unable to resist men. I'm attracted to women other than my wife, but that doesn't mean that I'm compelled to sleep with them. If I were attracted to men, the same would be true.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

He wants to be with men. He might not have made that happen physically. But, that's what he wants. You don't spend a large chunk of your free time watching stuff that you don't like. Are you okay with that?

And there's always the chance he has gotten physical with someone else. Don't have sex with him unless you use a condom. That means during oral too. Get tested for STD's.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

chicaluv67 said:


> What makes this suck even more is that he is, on the surface, the guy you think you want to be with. He is attentive and loving, helps around the house, makes dinner, brings me coffee, etc etc.


This should of tipped you off that something is off with this guy.... 

Unless you can magically grow a penis, I'd say stick a fork in it.

You're done here and by the way, get a FULL lab of STD test run ASAP.


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