# Wife is unhappy and wants out



## jhult

My wife of 9 wonderful years told me a few days ago that she is unhappy and wants a divorce. We have always had a great marriage. Very much in love and treated each other great. We had fertility issues and had a stillborn baby 6 years ago that my wife has never dealt with, and blames herfelf for due to a clotting disorder she has that caused the death. I have never blamed her at all because we ended up having two great kids after. She tells me that she loves that I am the father of her children, but that she doesnt have those same in love with me feelings she once did. I am in complete shock. 

She feels like she has lost herself. Tells me that there is not another guy and doesnt want one. She has been on antidepressants before, but due to side effects she did not like, she quit cold turkey. She has a job as a nurse where she sees and holds dead babies on kind of a regular basis. She is not happy in her job, but it works right now while she is still doing more schooling. She has agreed to do marriage counseling, but I just dont know if I can win her back. The only thing she has ever blamed me for is my temper. I have never gotten physical, but I lose my cool and yell. I am getting much better, but lost my mom to cancer in Feb so I am learning to deal with things differently. What can I do?


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## Entropy3000

Married Man Sex Life

The above may or may not be a major part of things but it is worth a peek.

Anti-Drepessants can be a real contributor here.

That said, folks in affairs deny. They are just friends. Sooooo. You need to eliminate that and you cannot do that by just asking.

What other behavior changes have you noticed if any. 

Does she work?

Does she get out of the house much?

Is she big in FB and / or texting?


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## YupItsMe

First of all, it can be fixed. I saved mine about four years ago. 

Married 12 years now. 

You have to read a lot. Start with reading about the 180 on this forum, then use the srarch function for other subjects. 

You will learn a lot and quickly realize what you have been messing up. 

Even though it sucks for you, your situation is a hell of a lot tamer and promising than so many others. 

Good luck. You can do it, its well worth it and you will learn how to keep it going and becomne a better person in the process. :smthumbup:


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## HerToo

Just to make sure you know what you are really dealing with, check the cell phone bill for calls and texts to strange numbers. As previously mentioned, check her use of email and FB as well. 

If it's only depression, that can be fixed. I hope that's all it is.


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## jhult

She has had alot of "woman" issues and I know that there has not been any cheating. She does do facebook and texting, but it is always friends or family she is talking to. We never had a sex issue, it has always been plenty and regular up until a fight we had a month ago. That is when she first brought this up, but said she still loved me and thought we could work things out. Now it is a completely different story. While I was away for work, her and my kids were in a car accident and totalled my car. So we are dealing with that now as well. We had financial problems a couple of years ago that she tried to hide from me, but I eventually caught on to. I forgave her and we moved on. She always said we could work through anything, so hopefully this is one.


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## HerToo

Check up on mid-life crisis as well. 

Good luck


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## jhult

Thanks. I have been stating for awhile that I thought she was having a mid-life crisis. When we went out for our anniversary last month to celebrate that and my promotion, she found a very long, very bright gray hair. No big deal to me, but I could tell it bothered her.
Then she started talking about getting a tatoo of our deceased daughters name on her wrist. She has a tatoo on her back and has always regreted it because that is not really her. Then she made the comment last week about fi she goes out with friends she might have a smoke. I think she still harbors bad feelings that she gave up smoking when she met me. Although throughout our marriage she has been glad she did.
I am doing what I can to appear to be happy for the kids sake. They can tell I am sad, but I just tell them its because I miss my mom that died in Feb.
I can't wait for counseling to start. I pray every day that her heart softens and she realizes what she is trying to give up.


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## Entropy3000

jhult said:


> Thanks. I have been stating for awhile that I thought she was having a mid-life crisis. When we went out for our anniversary last month to celebrate that and my promotion, she found a very long, very bright gray hair. No big deal to me, but I could tell it bothered her.
> Then she started talking about getting a tatoo of our deceased daughters name on her wrist. She has a tatoo on her back and has always regreted it because that is not really her. Then she made the comment last week about fi she goes out with friends she might have a smoke. I think she still harbors bad feelings that she gave up smoking when she met me. Although throughout our marriage she has been glad she did.
> I am doing what I can to appear to be happy for the kids sake. They can tell I am sad, but I just tell them its because I miss my mom that died in Feb.
> I can't wait for counseling to start. I pray every day that her heart softens and she realizes what she is trying to give up.


Regression ... bad news indeed. Yes could be related to an MLC.


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## jhult

She called and made a counseling appointment for us and we start this Friday. I really hope that we can make things work and she can find that love for me again. I am trying to give her some space and not being emotional at all. We are very cordial and talk, but things are very weird. 
She invited me over to her sisters for dinner this past Sunday and I thanked her for inviting me. She looked at me like I was crazy. I know she is having issues with having the same love for me, but I don't think she quite realizes the finality of a divorce.
I have an uncle that went thru the same thing and his wife actually divorced him. They later reconciled and have been married another 15 years since. I am meeting with them tonight to talk.


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## Ten_year_hubby

jhult said:


> She has had alot of "woman" issues and I know that there has not been any cheating. She does do facebook and texting, but it is always friends or family she is talking to. We never had a sex issue, it has always been plenty and regular up until a fight we had a month ago. That is when she first brought this up, but said she still loved me and thought we could work things out. Now it is a completely different story.


This is almost exactly what happened to me. My mom died in Nov 2010 and by in May 2011 my wife was serving me with divorce papers. I still haven't been able to get the real story from her about why things took a such a dramatic turn for the worse, but I think it had to do with her being overly impressionable by negative influences from her friends and family. She doesn't want to admit this because she wants to protect them, but I think it is too late for that now. I think it went something like this:

My w is complaining to one of her single friends about some kind of disagreement we have had and her part was in our working things out. And her friend says "I wouldn't let him make me ... if I was you". So she takes this to her mom and her mom says "why don't you get rid of that guy if he treats you like that". And then she shops the story around to a third lady who is in the process of getting divorced and her friend says "go down to family court and file and you'll get half of everything he has and take away his kids as well". So they look up a bunch of radioactive buzzwords and convince themselves that I'm guilty of everything and deserve to be punished. 

Never underestimate the amount of anti-male sympathy there is out there and understand that the loss of your mother puts you in a weakened state, less able to defend yourself. I used the 180 program, the "Love Dare" book and a lot of help from some good men along with a lot of personal strength and determination to get through this.

One positive result has been that my relationship with my children and our family life improved a thousand percent. The visible love we have now is an amazement to everyone who sees it.


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## jhult

I know that is not the case here. Her family loves me and said I am always welcome in their homes. Her friends are in shock that she would consider leaving me. I have lost a ton of weight and look the best I have ever looked. Meanwhile, she gained weight after our 2 year old was born and has been miserable about it. I always tell her how beautiful she is and she told me last week that she didnt think anyone else thought she was pretty. She definitely has some self image issues. She just sent me a message asking me how my day was and what I wanted for dinner. I am just going to be patient. If she can't see what she will be losing if she leaves, then all I can do is try my hardest. I can live with that.


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## frustrated1982

I think marriage counseling is a wonderful idea. I would just make sure that its a counselor that kind of respects and sees things the way that will benefit you both and not one sided. I am also married and have been thinking about leaving my husband because I just can't take anymore of his crap. Atleast you are a very caring husband who REALLY does want to make it work. It sounds to me like your wife is going through something and maybe doesn't even know what it is yet. It will all come out in counseling and hopefully the two of you can figure out how to deal with whatever it is that is bothering her or that shes going through (if there is something). I wish you the best of luck and hope that she comes back around as it seems you really do love and care for her. Its hard to find that these days....


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## jhult

Thanks. I am sorry about your situation. Some of us just dont see what we have. I have hope that we will work it out, but I am preparing for the worst. I have lost 6 lbs since this happened this past Thursday. So definitely feeling some stress.


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## TeaLeaves4

you didn't say what kind of 'temper' issues you have, but to be perfectly honest no woman wants a man with a bad temper.

It's not "alpha", it's not "just what men do" and it's not attractive at all. Don't mean to bash you, but no one on this thread has asked you about it at all.

I watched my father practically drive away my mother with his temper issues. She was ready to leave. NO affair, NO MLC, despite the common group-think on this site. In her case, she was just sick to death of putting up with his temper. My father finally got help-- they're going on 41 years now.

Maybe applies here, maybe not. I don't know. Just something to think about.


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## jhult

I have a quick temper. Not terribly bad, but when I get frustrated I yell. I dont throw things I dont hit things, but when I yell, I can be pretty intimidating. My wife says that when I get mad, she can see rage in my face. This is something I got from my mom as she was the same. I have contacted a counselor to deal with the rage/temper issues. No matter what happens with my marriage, I want to be a better person.


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## worrieddad

Wow....had to register after reading this because I am going through a similar thing right now - circumstances slightly different I guess but the them is the same. Married 8 years, one beautiful and awesome 5 year old daughter. Marriage took a bit of a dive in the early childhood years...nothing out of the ordinary, no dramas...just the added pressure of raising a child. Last few months we've had increasingly frequent arguments, generally about small things that snowball, usually after we've been out for a beer - and now my wife has seemingly decided its just not letting her be her....and just this last week or two has just decided she wants out.

I admit, I've not been the perfect husband...but I've done nothing out of the usual that every faithful married dedicated husband and dad hasn't done....no _major_ dramas in the relationship really. I try to talk to her the best I can....It mostly seems to center around the fact that its become boring; I've tried to make it more interesting but she's pushed me away in the past as she is a very focused mom, she works hard at her job etc. To my mind, its both our faults and I was just hoping once early parenthood had been weathered, we'd come out of it, grow as a couple and family again. Unfortunately, now we are at that stage, she seems to have taken a different idea and would seemingly sooner dump the marriage. She has just been promoted in her job, and has taken up a new running hobby and I think she thinks she is rediscovering herself and wants more out of life. Don't think there is any affair at least not physical - she truly does work hard, when she is out running she is out running, doesn't go out much. I guess there is the chance there could be an emotional type affair going on with a new co-coworkers or something; but knowing her I think its the independent feeling and she thinks the best way forward is to dump me. She seems to be really wanting shift all of the blame onto me (guilt?) and is now knowingly and intentionally hurting me - as I said while I have not been perfect, I have never and would never do that. I just don't get how she can become so cold when when you step back and look at the grand scheme of things we have had a pretty good 8 years, have an awesome little girl and great extended family.

Sorry for the slight threadjack; just wanted to let you know you are not alone, as I am also hurting beyond belief...she has become unemotional and cold to the extent I've never seen before.....a side of her I never knew she could take to this extreme. My mom is still alive, but is engaged in a long battle with cancer and its not looking good...she says she loves my mom - but won't even offer me a shoulder right now. In addition, I have just found out I'm going to be laid off (not unexpected, not a bad severance package coming, but not much fun either), and now this. I've resolved to try and be a better person and show her I have made my mistakes and can change....but she is just so cold its really starting to get to me. Never had real temper issues myself, however this has really driven me to the brink and I have been really angry and stressed lately - but I'm moving through that and I doubt it'll reappear although I fear that if I can't break through to her I'll sink into a total depression. I've been commited to making her and our daughter my world; I've moved from overseas, I've made sacrifices with careers to try to build a loving family and it feels like she's about to destroy it.

I wish you all the best with it jhult...I know what it feels like. 

Any more top tips anyone has...I'm all ears too.


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## losthusband13

I had lost my mon and dad when I had gotten married. My wife had lost something in her heart that had the (I love my husband key).. I made mistakes, and she made mistakes. If you read what I had wrote earlier... BUT My Dad always said. When your with a girl for more than 5-6 years, they lose interest if you dont keep it fresh, or if your a jerk with a girl who loves you, Eventually they will have soemone else in there life telling them they are interesting, good looking, and any right thing you can say to a woman that can be said to them by a stranger. Even if they don get it, they will become friends with whomever ends up grabbing their attention. They need to be made special, and the forefront of whatever or whomever they see themsekves fit to be in the forefront of.... Women are Fickle. Im not being sexist or anything. But Ive seen it time and time again. Its happen to me, and is currently happening to me. They are emotional creatures. If you are lucky enough to make yourself important, vulnerable, strong, and whatever else she needs you to be enough of, while you make her feel special and one of a kind, you might be able to get her on your end again. Cause when we throw and break things it doesnt work for a female, they do it deaper, more emotionaly. By saying things like, I will always love you, NO MATTER IF WE CAN LIVE TOGETHER OR NOT. And ton and tons of diffferent examples of heart wrenching quotes like that. What do you know about her, and what are you willing to do, is what it comes down to.

Now, if your temper keeps pushing her aways, stop it. or else youll keep pushing her away. Im trying to fix mine..


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## losthusband13

Isnt it amazing how the women push you away when you try and spice things up!!?? In any way shape or form!!


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## losthusband13

It mostly seems to center around the fact that its become boring; I've tried to make it more interesting but she's pushed me away in the past as she is a very focused mom, she works hard at her job etc. To my mind, its both our faults and I was just hoping once early parenthood had been weathered, we'd come out of it, grow as a couple and family again. Unfortunately, now we are at that stage, she seems to have taken a different idea and would seemingly sooner dump the marriage. She has just been promoted in her job, and has taken up a new running hobby and I think she thinks she is rediscovering herself and wants more out of life. Don't think there is any affair at least not physical - she truly does work hard, when she is out running she is out running, doesn't go out much. I guess there is the chance there could be an emotional type affair going on with a new co-coworkers or something; but knowing her I think its the independent feeling and she thinks the best way forward is to dump me. She seems to be really wanting shift all of the blame onto me (guilt?) and is now knowingly and intentionally hurting me - as I said while I have not been perfect, I have never and would never do that. I just don't get how she can become so cold when when you step back and look at the grand scheme of things 


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My wife (emotionally) ended up having an affair sexting (text dirty talk) and a make out session after a lunch.... KEEP ALERT


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## jhult

I am sorry for your situation, but glad to know that I am not alone. Though I have lots of family and friends, I have never felt more alone. We have always put the kids first and do not make time for us. If we do, then we go to a movie and dont talk for 2 hours. She is trying to find herself, but I never caused her to lose herself. I have always been her biggest fan until last week. My temper has not come up in over a month. I am making a very conscious effort to think before I act. I know that this could go a long way. We talk a bit, but she sits across the room from me when we watch TV.
I have always been there for her for everything. I have probably become a little boring, but she caused me to get this way. I always liked going out and having fun, but she like dto put on sweats and stay home. I finally embraced that and enjoy that myself. I still take great care of myself and hope that she will see that I am willing to change. I love her very much and always will.


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## jhult

Starting marriage counseling tomorrow. Please wish us luck.


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## jhult

Day 1 of marriage counseling completed. The therapist seemed to really care. My wife said that she loves me but that she has not had romantic feelings for me for about a year. Still not sure why....she just lost it. She started out by stating that it was over, but then conceded that there might be a slight chance since she actually went. She has agreed to another session, so I still have hope. I asked her for a hug and she gave me one. I think she really doesnt want to fall in love with me again. I told her that I want this to work, but that I have too much pride to stay with someone that does not love me.


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## worrieddad

Well it sounds like there is still some hope for you...best of luck.

What I am doing at the minute is making a huge effort to actually commit to changing myself first and foremost...come what may. The experience, while miserable, seems to be making me almost zen like in outlook. I'm hoping if I can get some positive feel about me, it will help her see things differently. Keep us updated!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jhult

I have hope, but it is very hard. I think I am going to move out today. I don't want to do that to the kids, but she will never see my value with me in the same house as her. She will just continue to see the "best friend".


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## jhult

I decided that I cannot move out. I am trying to be here and stay positive. Maybe she will see it eventually. Please continue to pray for us.


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## worrieddad

Sounds like we are very similar....good luck!

I have decided that all you can do is try your level best...then if the curtain does finally fall, well, you can at least say you've done everything humanly possible which will at least ease your conscience. It has to be a 2 way street at the of the day.


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## jhult

I am going to be happy no matter what. If she decides she wants to come along for the ride, that is up to her.


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## jhult

I had an empowering moment this morning. She was taking me to work and I asked her if we are working on our marriage or our friendship. I told her that I have no intentions of being her friend if we divorce. I said that I love her and will be there for the kids, but I am not a roommate and not going to be treated like a doormat. If she thinks she will be happier without me, then she has to go. I was at the gym last night and she texted me to tell me how bad my son was being at bedtime. I am not going to be superdad/superhusband without her trying. I love my wife, but there are many women out there that are looking for a man like me. I want to be appreciated again.


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## VaDad

worrieddad said:


> Sounds like we are very similar....good luck!
> 
> I have decided that all you can do is try your level best...then if the curtain does finally fall, well, you can at least say you've done everything humanly possible which will at least ease your conscience. It has to be a 2 way street at the of the day.


Add me to the list. Your situations seem to mirror mine very closely. 

Stay strong and remember to value yourself and put yourself first. I am coming to grips with the fact that it is the only way to survive this type of emotional abandonment. If she stays you've established the requirement that your needs are important and must be considered. If she goes, you have the firm ground to stand on and rebuild your life. That's how I see it at least from my situation.


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## jhult

After this morning's small rant, I sent her a very long e-mail about needing her to open her heart and try if we are to have a chance. She said she received it, did not respond, but agreed to go to dinner with me. Wish me luck.


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## Gaylord

*After polling over 600 men, here's what they said were the first signs that their wives were having a midlife crisis:*

• She is very depressed and withdrawn – she says she is unhappy and feels lost and empty inside

• She is discontent and bored with her life and our marriage – she wants a new life which doesn’t include me

• She is emotionally detached and doesn’t enjoy any of the activities we used to do together

• She says that she loves me but she’s not “in love with me” – she has cut me off emotionally and physically

• She says that she feels a lack of personal fulfillment and is not sure if she wants to be a wife and mother anymore – she thinks about running away

• She says she is "going through something" and wants to "take a break and find herself” – she says she needs time and space to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life

• She wants her freedom and independence – she wants to be on her own and make her own decisions

• She has lost a lot of weight, goes to the gym daily and has become obsessive about exercising

• She pays more attention to her appearance, always looking in the mirror, and is very pleased when people tell her she looks ten years younger than she is

• She had a breast augmentation (nose job, tummy tuck, etc.), her teeth capped and permanent cosmetics

• She goes on uncontrollable and random spending sprees – she bought herself a whole new, younger looking wardrobe

• She dresses provocatively and acts very flirtatious – she is constantly seeking attention from other men

• She had an affair with a co-worker (personal trainer, son's soccer coach, old flame, guy she met in a bar, etc.)

• She bought a shiny new, red BMW convertible (or other flashy sports car)

• She focuses only on herself and is acting extremely selfish

• She is angry and irritable all the time, and becomes easily agitated over little things

• She is sarcastic with one cut down after another, constantly looking for a fight or argument and sometimes even goes into a violent rage

• She spends her spare time on the computer instant messaging people or chatting with guys online

• She goes out drinking with younger, single friends/co-workers after work and stays out all hours of the night

• She started living like she was single again – separate vacations, rock concerts, going out to clubs and bars – anything to avoid being at home in the evening

• She is acting like a teenager!


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## OutOfTheBlue

Gaylord said:


> *After polling over 600 men, here's what they said were the first signs that their wives were having a midlife crisis:*
> 
> 
> My W has said or fits into the categories highlighted below. I've got my work cut out
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *• She is very depressed and withdrawn – she says she is unhappy and feels lost and empty inside*
> 
> *• She is discontent and bored with her life and our marriage – she wants a new life which doesn’t include me*
> 
> *• She is emotionally detached and doesn’t enjoy any of the activities we used to do together*
> 
> • She says that she loves me but she’s not “in love with me” – she has cut me off emotionally and physically
> 
> *• She says that she feels a lack of personal fulfillment and is not sure if she wants to be a wife and mother anymore – she thinks about running away*
> 
> • She says she is "going through something" and wants to "take a break and find herself” – she says she needs time and space to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life
> 
> *• She wants her freedom and independence – she wants to be on her own and make her own decisions*
> 
> • She has lost a lot of weight, goes to the gym daily and has become obsessive about exercising
> 
> • She pays more attention to her appearance, always looking in the mirror, and is very pleased when people tell her she looks ten years younger than she is
> 
> • She had a breast augmentation (nose job, tummy tuck, etc.), her teeth capped and permanent cosmetics
> 
> • She goes on uncontrollable and random spending sprees – she bought herself a whole new, younger looking wardrobe
> 
> • She dresses provocatively and acts very flirtatious – she is constantly seeking attention from other men
> 
> *• She had an affair with a co-worker (personal trainer, son's soccer coach, old flame, guy she met in a bar, etc.) EA*
> 
> • She bought a shiny new, red BMW convertible (or other flashy sports car)
> 
> • She focuses only on herself and is acting extremely selfish
> 
> • She is angry and irritable all the time, and becomes easily agitated over little things
> 
> • She is sarcastic with one cut down after another, constantly looking for a fight or argument and sometimes even goes into a violent rage
> 
> • She spends her spare time on the computer instant messaging people or chatting with guys online
> 
> • She goes out drinking with younger, single friends/co-workers after work and stays out all hours of the night
> 
> • She started living like she was single again – separate vacations, rock concerts, going out to clubs and bars – anything to avoid being at home in the evening
> 
> *• She is acting like a teenager!*


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## jhult

Well, our date went pretty well. She cried a little when I told her how I feel and that she needs to be committed to trying to save our marriage. She agreed that she would really try. I told her that I want to start from scratch and date her again. We had a long hug and then she called me hon when we got home. It's a start I guess. She did kiss me on the cheek this morning, so I am taking it as a positive.


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## worrieddad

VaDad said:


> Add me to the list. Your situations seem to mirror mine very closely.
> 
> Stay strong and remember to value yourself and put yourself first. I am coming to grips with the fact that it is the only way to survive this type of emotional abandonment. If she stays you've established the requirement that your needs are important and must be considered. If she goes, you have the firm ground to stand on and rebuild your life. That's how I see it at least from my situation.


VaDad, you know what, you are on the money. Here's my latest update....at the weekend we pretty much had it all out, discussed separation/divorce, practicalities of it and so on if that is the way it must be. Can't remember if I said, we are totally equal earners and have been throughout the marriage, (asides from this last hiccup of me about to be laid off and her getting a promo)! She's not out to screw me on anything - we agreed it would be joint custody 50/50, 50/50 distro of assets, sell the house and 50/50 the proceeds etc. Every point we totally agreed on....even going to meet for an initial discussion with a family friend mediator soon (who we both know and trust).

Crazy thing is that since Saturday night, it has really cleared the atmosphere. We've been talking together every night about all sorts of stuff (however for her the point of getting back together and living for the future rather than dwelling on the past is a no-no topic). So silly that we seem to want the same things, yet (at least for her) not together.

But....I seem to have had a bit of a breakthrough on a personal level, insomuch that the more I think about it, the more I'm at peace with myself (and dare I say it, the more I think about it, there are some things I'd like to do for myself!). Its sort of shocking to myself a bit to realize how quick I seem to be coming around that it likely won't be the end of the world, and some part of me also thinks it might even be a good idea, however, I am farsighted enough to consider that the euphoria may not last....and I'm not sure she is - I feel there is certainly more than a few of poster gaylords MLC indicators going on.

We have both agreed not to rush - we have an important trip coming up and the holidays, but after that it will likely be crunch time - probably by way of a binding separation agreement first for a period, followed by a divorce unless there are any changes of heart.

So I dunno...I feel like I am entering the twilight zone a bit...I still do have a small hope we can resolve it, but if not, I have determined the best way ahead is to start mentally prepping myself to go forward safe in the knowledge I gave it my all and I need to look out for (#1) being the best dad that a daughter could possibly ever have, and (#2) living like I want to live.

Good luck everybody...!


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## worrieddad

Here's mine (bolded only, not always the complete sentence!):



Gaylord said:


> *After polling over 600 men, here's what they said were the first signs that their wives were having a midlife crisis:*
> 
> • She is very depressed and withdrawn – *she says she is unhappy and feels lost and empty inside*
> 
> • *She is discontent and bored with her life and our marriage – she wants a new life which doesn’t include me*
> 
> • *She is emotionally detached* and doesn’t enjoy any of the activities we used to do together
> 
> • She says that she loves me but she’s not “in love with me” – she has cut me off emotionally and physically
> 
> • *She says that she feels a lack of personal fulfillment and is not sure if she wants to be a wife* and mother anymore – she thinks about running away
> 
> • She says she is "going through something" and wants to "take a break and find herself” – *she says she needs* time and *space* to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life
> 
> • *She wants her freedom and independence – she wants to be on her own and make her own decisions*
> 
> • *She has lost a lot of weight, goes to the gym daily and has become obsessive about exercising*
> 
> • She pays more attention to her appearance, always looking in the mirror, and is very pleased when people tell her she looks ten years younger than she is
> 
> • *She had a breast augmentation *(nose job, tummy tuck, etc.), her teeth capped and permanent cosmetics
> 
> • She goes on uncontrollable and random spending sprees – she bought herself a whole new, younger looking wardrobe
> 
> • She dresses provocatively and acts very flirtatious – she is constantly seeking attention from other men
> 
> • She had an affair with a co-worker (personal trainer, son's soccer coach, old flame, guy she met in a bar, etc.)
> 
> • She bought a shiny new, red BMW convertible *(or other flashy sports car)*
> 
> • She focuses only on herself and is acting extremely selfish
> 
> • She is angry and irritable all the time, and becomes easily agitated over little things
> 
> • She is sarcastic with one cut down after another, constantly looking for a fight or argument and sometimes even goes into a violent rage
> 
> • She spends her spare time on the computer instant messaging people or chatting with guys online
> 
> • She goes out drinking with younger, single friends/co-workers after work and stays out all hours of the night
> 
> • She started living like she was single again – separate vacations, rock concerts, going out to clubs and bars – anything to avoid being at home in the evening
> 
> • She is acting like a teenager!


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## jhult

I need some advice....quickly. We went out to a play last night but did not go out for drinks as planned becaue she had not slept much the last few days. I am still very much in love with this woman and it is eating me up inside. I am thinking of asking her for sex tonight. It has been over a month, and I think it could help with her feelings. Thoughts? Will it push her further away? I really want to be close with her again.


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## 17years

jhult-i applaud you for all of your effort to "win" your wife back, i really hope it works out. i am sure you are not perfect but it would be nice, in my situation, if my husband would just make an attempt to save our marriage. don't know what to say about the sex thing, i would not push the issue too much. good luck with everything


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## jhult

17years said:


> jhult-i applaud you for all of your effort to "win" your wife back, i really hope it works out. i am sure you are not perfect but it would be nice, in my situation, if my husband would just make an attempt to save our marriage. don't know what to say about the sex thing, i would not push the issue too much. good luck with everything


I was thinking I would ask. If she says no, I will not push. But I want to put that thought in her mind and see what she thinks. Any thoughts?


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## Shaggy

It won't happen if you don't ask, that at least is certain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 17years

you could certainly make the suggestion and just see what happens


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## Dadof3

Or try to just put the moves on her. My W HATES me asking - she'd rather I just signal my intentions. She says its more Alpha.


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## jhult

Dadof3 said:


> Or try to just put the moves on her. My W HATES me asking - she'd rather I just signal my intentions. She says its more Alpha.


It did not go well today. I kept my cool but was tired of being ignored. She left with my daughter, but they came back tonight. I think she is done. I have been a jerk and I know it. Was normally good, but had a few times I was a jerk and that was enough. She wanted to cancel our MC tomorrow, but I told her I was going anyways, and she said she would go too. Little hope, but I am trying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadof3

Guess I forgot to add the part that the relationship needs to be on a somewhat positive slope to get away with "busting a move".

Question is - did u ask her, or did you "bust a move"? How did she react? Was it all negative, or was it confused?


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## jhult

I asked. I knew she would say no, but I had to ask. She can't forgive me for stupid stuff that happened years ago. I have forgiven her for much worse. I have alot to fix, but her issues with the marriage are little, petty things that can be easily fixed. However, she has let them eat at her without telling me, and is now at the breaking point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## worrieddad

jhult - I applaud your efforts for trying everything you can think of, although with me now, the only thing left I can do is start going through proceedings and keep it amicable.

My situation is now that we are going to go ahead with it....I now accept that it has to happen. Crazy thing is for the last few days, my wife and I have talked and talked and talked like we've never done before. A lot of the topic has been to do with how we are going to do this, but also we've gone over things from our past that we've never talked about, aspirations for the future and so on. Its been really enlightening. It still seems a little crazy to me that she still has zero feelings for me given that we have much in common and aside from that, we function extremely well as a family unit - but I now know that she is determined and the only thing I can do is go along for the ride.

We have agreed on absolutely everything; 50/50 joint custody of our daughter, to sell the house and split the proceeds (we are in the process of putting it on the market now), split all savings, and so on. I guess something that is making it easier is the fact that we have no debt and have always been financial equals and are very astute financially. We are going to get through this with as little of our money being stripped away form us, and we are both thankful for that.

So, that is the path we must walk. Whatever the future brings, I am learning so much about myself right now that I never knew even existed. I have resolved to become a better person for it. I'm also going to have the chance to be the best dad in the world and before I even think about getting involved romantically again I am going to establish what is going to be the "new normal" for her. My wife feels the same way, and I don't doubt her sincerity or sense of fairness.


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## jhult

I feel for all of the other husbands going through this right now. I know it is hard on the wives as well, but getting treated like this is a total kick to the heart. We have decided to stay in the house together for the kids at this time. That may change in the future, but I still have hope and will not give that up. The glimmer of hope is what allows me to smile right now.

I am setting a solo counseling session today for myself. I know that I need to work on things and hopefully my actions will someday bring her back to me. Words do not help, only actions. I know that this is a marathon. Thank goodness I have been running 3 miles daily since January. I think I am prepared for the marathon now.

I love my wife dearly and it breaks my heart that we are at this stage right now. However, she did say to our MC yesterday that she is also staying incase there is that small hope of getting back together romantically. So, I think it is at least somewhere in her head. My biggest fear right now is that though I am not looking, if someone great comes into my life and is willing to give and show me love. I owe it to my wife to try as I said I will, but I am scared of having to make that choice someday. The one thing I can promise, is that I will not be sexually involved with anyone until I make that choice, if it ever comes to that. I have never and will never cheat on my wife. But, boy am I tired of seeing her unhappy. We had a great night last night, laughing, smiling, etc...That is the wife I want back. I wish she would see that she is depressed for more reasons than just me.


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## jhult

I made an appointment to go to a counselor for a one on one session. I want to work on myself and make sure whatever issues I have are resolved prior to me starting another relationship. I am still very hurt. It is so hard to sit on the couch with her or share the bed with her and know that I can't touch her. She is still doing loving things for me, so that is still giving me some hope. Maybe it is false hope, but who knows. 
When she went to the store the other night, she bought me my favorite gum. I went away on business just for the day yesterday. The night before, she called me on my cell when I was on my way to the gym, to make sure I had my clothes ready for the trip. Then she asked that I text her when we landed so she knew I was safe. Are these not signs of love? I really hope that deep down she still loves me, but that she just doesn't like me right now. I think that is easier to resolve.


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## worrieddad

jhult said:


> I made an appointment to go to a counselor for a one on one session. I want to work on myself and make sure whatever issues I have are resolved prior to me starting another relationship. I am still very hurt. It is so hard to sit on the couch with her or share the bed with her and know that I can't touch her. She is still doing loving things for me, so that is still giving me some hope. Maybe it is false hope, but who knows.
> When she went to the store the other night, she bought me my favorite gum. I went away on business just for the day yesterday. The night before, she called me on my cell when I was on my way to the gym, to make sure I had my clothes ready for the trip. Then she asked that I text her when we landed so she knew I was safe. Are these not signs of love? I really hope that deep down she still loves me, but that she just doesn't like me right now. I think that is easier to resolve.


I could say the exact same thing to 90% of that - all of that is still happening with us. The difference, however, is that I have crossed a mental bridge with the situation insomuch that I am now prepared to let her go. As I said, it is very sad we are now getting along extremely well. Also....despite her "no feelings for me" outlook, I am starting to see some cracks appear in that wall. Because of her crazy work schedule and general business, she has even said that she hasn't had the time to really, really think about everything. I am hoping over the holidays she really finds that time.

I think other things are making it real for her as well....looking at new houses, meeting with a mediator (who happens to be a mutual friend), getting a stack of papers to review etc....all of this makes it real. For us I really do think it is going to take going through with at least a separation for her to see the impact on our daughter, and whether she misses all of the other comforts that go unsaid and unseen in marriage, plus the fact that we are really hanging out together a lot now and talking - she may miss that too.

All that said, I'm really at the point where I can deal with come what may. I've done everything you are doing, and I really pushed the boat out with it and I totally am at peace with myself that I could do no more to _directly_ influence things.

I think (and take my advice for what its worth - only as a guy in the same boat as yourself, just one step ahead) the conversation you need to have with her, when you are ready, is ask her what she truly wants, as she is thinking, _right now_. Have the conversation in an environment where you are both comfortable (for us it was in a bar!) - if she still says she wants a divorce....immediately get into planning one; drill right into the details. No matter what the outcome of it, that conversation will really register with her.

If as per her later post she says she is staying, really ask her why. See if you can get her to explain what she is looking for in future, what are her goals and expectations. Really acknowledge what has gone on in the past that has led you to this point, share the blame and acknowledge it. If you are going to change going forward - make sure she knows that you are going to change for yourself, regardless of what happens with you and her. If you can get to that point, it will also help you in your head (it sure has me).

If your wife's mind is set anywhere like my wife's, you are basically going to have to return all the way to the guy she first met....in fact, that won't do....it will have to be a better guy than when you first met. As part of that though - and the only way you can really do it, is that you have to really start considering alternative versions of the future that will make you happy....and act on it.

Well, that's the point I'm at now, with my new-found "Zen Master" outlook! Take it for what its worth...as I said, I really have no idea how its all going to ultimately play out between us, but I feel I am now in a place where I can pretty much handle anything come what may.

And finally, and probably most importantly...all the time - be a great dad - in the way you want to be a great dad without being dictated to on anything.


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## jhult

That is what I am trying to do now. I told her and our counselor at our MC session on Monday, that I know I have some issues I need to fix. She said that she is staying for the kids and that glimmer of hope that things can be rekindled. I want to be a better person and I believe I know the issues I need to fix. The problem I have, is that I am pretty much the same guy she married, but in better shape. I wondered if she thought I needed to mature more, but most of the time, I think I am the more mature person. I do not run away from my obligations, and she has a history of it.
I have a friend at work that is helping me quite a bit. She is helping me understand what it would be like to let her go and that I will be fine. I know that many women would kill to have a husband like me, and that helps me deal with this. No, I do not think the grass is greener and I hope she will realize it as well. She has really let herself go during our 11 years together, but I still love her more than the day we married. I just hope and pray that she will seek help as I am doing. But I am done trying to control her and our marriage.


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## jhult

I had a solo counseling session with an amazing woman on Friday. I asked my wife to go with me for MC or to go alone and see her. She said that she would think about it, and I am not pushing it. I hope her head clears a little and she decides to go. Looking at some other sites on the web, I know that we have done some love busters in our marriage. Now it is just a matter of stopping those and somehow regaining the love. We are being much nicer to each other, so that helps a little. We are spending some of Thanksgiving together, and some apart. I am looking at 2012 as the year we rebuild our marriage.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

( Flame suit on) Sorry to say it, but.... She's either had an affair or has already escalated an EA toward a PA. All that's going on now is weighing her options or forming an exit strategy. It can't hurt to do a littler digging and save yourself months of wasted time trying to fix what she might have no intentions of fixing.


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## jhult

Thanks for the input, but I know for a fact that this is not the case. It is simply a build up of things I have done or ways I have acted during our marriage that have brought her to a boil. I have some learning to do and I hope I can make the necessary changes to win back the heart of my love. At least I have never cheated on her, or hit her, so the hill is not as steep as it could be.


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## worrieddad

jhult said:


> I am looking at 2012 as the year we rebuild our marriage.


While I do have some bit of hope that might be the case with us also....I think I am at the point now (and it all seems to be moving quick) where I am also looking at a future without her. I dunno, I seem to have crossed bridges over these last few weeks and seem to be going from strength to strength. Even to the point, dare I say it, that I am actually starting to look forward to some time and space of my own! My main concern right now is the impact this will have on our daughter - asides from that, I am really developing the mind set that if my wife can't see see what we really had, or accept me for who I really am, then maybe its all for the best - I am really satisfied I have done everything I can think of doing to this point, and I'm now thinking "Its not me, its you".

As I have said before, I think I am just one step in front of you on this whole thing - I'm looking at 2012 as the year where I have a great one...with or without her. I have to say..I think you might still be a little too much in fix it mode...I think you are probably pinning too much blame on yourself - I've been there and done that these last few weeks, and now I'm in a mental state which says I'm willing to talk with her about a fix, but I've really left the ball in her court with that. A separation *is* going to happen for us....I've just signed on a swanky new apartment, she has signed on a new house to be built, our current home is on the market, so change is coming whether or not we get back together, and I do feel I'm ready for it.

The crazy thing is how well we are getting along - still sitting talking late into the nights about everything, etc. But when I do make the move (which will be slow time as to lessen the impact on our daughter...I take over the apartment this week and will be furnishing it etc) - I won't be having these nightly talks with her etc...maybe she'll miss it. I know I will, but I'm sort of toughening up by the day really - and I have to say I quite like feeling like my old self again. Very strange now - I think I'm really handling it well and I can see she wasn't really expecting it


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## jhult

worrieddad said:


> While I do have some bit of hope that might be the case with us also....I think I am at the point now (and it all seems to be moving quick) where I am also looking at a future without her. I dunno, I seem to have crossed bridges over these last few weeks and seem to be going from strength to strength. Even to the point, dare I say it, that I am actually starting to look forward to some time and space of my own! My main concern right now is the impact this will have on our daughter - asides from that, I am really developing the mind set that if my wife can't see see what we really had, or accept me for who I really am, then maybe its all for the best - I am really satisfied I have done everything I can think of doing to this point, and I'm now thinking "Its not me, its you".
> 
> As I have said before, I think I am just one step in front of you on this whole thing - I'm looking at 2012 as the year where I have a great one...with or without her. I have to say..I think you might still be a little too much in fix it mode...I think you are probably pinning too much blame on yourself - I've been there and done that these last few weeks, and now I'm in a mental state which says I'm willing to talk with her about a fix, but I've really left the ball in her court with that. A separation *is* going to happen for us....I've just signed on a swanky new apartment, she has signed on a new house to be built, our current home is on the market, so change is coming whether or not we get back together, and I do feel I'm ready for it.
> 
> The crazy thing is how well we are getting along - still sitting talking late into the nights about everything, etc. But when I do make the move (which will be slow time as to lessen the impact on our daughter...I take over the apartment this week and will be furnishing it etc) - I won't be having these nightly talks with her etc...maybe she'll miss it. I know I will, but I'm sort of toughening up by the day really - and I have to say I quite like feeling like my old self again. Very strange now - I think I'm really handling it well and I can see she wasn't really expecting it


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jhult

That is good that you are feeling good about yourself and the future. We are still doing pretty good, but it is very hard. She told me Friday that if I want her to miss me, then I need to give her space. I asked her what that meant as she is the one that texts or calls me most of the time. She said she wasn't sure what that meant. I know she is still mad over some things, but I can't change that. I did cause some issues, but I know this is mostly her. I am tired of putting blame in myself. I dislocated my shoulder Thursday and was in the ER. My sister called my wife and she came up and made everyone else leave. It was the most normal we have been in weeks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## worrieddad

Ouch, done that shoulder thing before myself, not fun, hope you got it sorted and feel ok!

If I were you (and again, take it FWIW, as a guy who is only half a foot in front of you), I'd give her that space....but really, don't view it like that...give it to yourself as well. Even though the real separation has not yet kicked in, I've been doing a lot more going out with friends, even meeting new ones....I'm actually amazed at the support I've found in unexpected places...even with strangers - so many people have "Been there and done that".

About being normal...its so weird, to all our mutual friends we are totally and utterly normal, and we both talk about this openly now with those guys. I think they are pretty much bewildered to be honest how we can function like we are. I think we're probably headed for the most amicable separation and/or divorce ever.....we'll just have to see what transpires. Interesting times, that's for sure...


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## jhult

I am not sure what to think at this point. She acts like she still loves me, but there is little pysical contact. Things are pretty normal other than that. We are buying a new car together since she totalled mine last month, but we decided we are cutting back on xmas for each other for "this year". Her words and actions still talk about a future together, I just don't think she knows what she wants. 
She offers to help me get dressed because of my shoulder, she calls me because i forgot my lunch at home, she tells me to have a good day, etc... I love her, but I am not going to wait around the rest of my life. I work for a large company and there are women that show interest in me, but I would never do anything as long as I am still married. I am planning on going to counseling this week sometime and I am interested to see if she will ask to come.


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## sinnister

She is acting like a person who loves someone but "isn't IN LOVE" with them. Doing nice things for you yet no physical contact is classic. 

She's checked out.

I'm not sure what you've think you've done in the past that has her upset but it sounds like a smoke screen from her to place the blame on you.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

Jeez, this nearly always turns out to be an EA going to PA issue, please check this out. I can't recall anytime on these forums where this "isn't in Love " issue didn't come up as at least an EA in the works....


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## jhult

So, things have been pretty normal around the house minus any physical affection. She did touch me on the arm and the leg the other night, but I am not making a big deal over it. Today is 11 year anniversary of our first date. I kissed her on the forehead and thanked her for 11 good years. 
The crazy thing now, is that a co-worker is very interested in me. She pretty much laid all her feelings for me out on the table last night. I am very flattered because she is a great and beautiful woman. However, she is married and so am I....at least for now. One day at a time.


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## okeydokie

something on theis post really stuck out, when she asked you to text her when you landed to be sure you were safe. seemed out of the ordinary for your situation, like she was making sure you were a long way away. 

i hate this for you, i truly do but i agree that you would be foolish to assume that nothing else is going on. i am not trying to flame you here, but you really should at least consider it.


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## jhult

I know that was not her intentions. She had the kids that day, and I know they spent the whole day together. She really does do loving stuff for me, and it has continued. I have been giving her space, and we have a counseling session next week together. She is taking the kids Xmas shopping for me tonight. I still have no idea what the future holds, but I hold out hope that things will work out.


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## safety

I am married to my wife for nearly ten years, we have a child. We were a happy family with all the normal struggles and stressors of life.
When we married I was 27 she was 22. As someone that is currently going through the same event I have come to learn that you cannot hold to yourself completely accountable for what you are going through. She wants or needs to make herself happy. She must know to do this for herself.
There is something that is going on in her mind that you have no control over. It most likely has been a combination of influences and stressors in her life that has pushed her to this point. i.e. you, friends, tv shows, deep rooted family issues, mid life crisis or an affair etc.
I have rattled my brain in trying to determine what it could be read books and searched the internet for a glimmer of hope in determining what the cause actually is and can honestly say i don't know. I honestly in my situation it was a combo of many factors that I cant pic one.
Think about conversations and statements the two of you have had the months leading up to the point when this started.
Think about her behavior also. It could be anything.
But be warned you will lose alot of time in your life focusing on the past which you cant change. Ive realized that it is more important now to focus on the present and myself. Take care of yourself and any kids you have let her worry about her.


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## safety

Based on conversations you two have had and statements she has made or her behavior leading to this point, prepare yourself for the worst case (Affair)


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## jadams14

I am in the same boat i have married for 16 years and we have spent the better part of the last three years apart due to my different jobs. I came home Iraq last month for vacation and dicovered last monday that she was not happy and does not know if she wants to be with me or not. This past friday i found out that there was another guy involved and told me that has feelings for him. I only went over there after told me that it was alright and we would ok. She is blaming it all on me for being apart all that time. I only did it to try and make a better life for us so we came buy a house so we can move out of her parents house.


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## Eagles Dancing

My father was killed in a farming accident July 2010 and that has really brought the fact that life is short and we only have this one to live.

I am 49 and I realized that I am not living the life I want to live.

This might be your wife's thoughts as well.

My husband is controlling and emotional abusive. He has been for years. I started thinking that it isn't worth it anymore.

It is time for me to find happiness and this might be your wife's thoughts.

Death has a way of making us change our focus on things....and it sounds like she has had a lot of death to deal with.

Mid-life crisis....or just life and time running short...and the need to make happy changes and enjoy what time she has here on Earth!! So you need to make her dreams come true....find out what she wants to do and do them!!

Women tend to take the back seat and put aside their dreams and let their loved ones find their happiness....now she might want her turn to shine!!


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

Eagles Dancing said:


> My father was killed in a farming accident July 2010 and that has really brought the fact that life is short and we only have this one to live.
> 
> I am 49 and I realized that I am not living the life I want to live.
> 
> This might be your wife's thoughts as well.
> 
> My husband is controlling and emotional abusive. He has been for years. I started thinking that it isn't worth it anymore.
> 
> It is time for me to find happiness and this might be your wife's thoughts.
> 
> Death has a way of making us change our focus on things....and it sounds like she has had a lot of death to deal with.
> 
> Mid-life crisis....or just life and time running short...and the need to make happy changes and enjoy what time she has here on Earth!! So you need to make her dreams come true....find out what she wants to do and do them!!
> 
> Women tend to take the back seat and put aside their dreams and let their loved ones find their happiness....now she might want her turn to shine!!


Statements like this seems to seem alright until your think, "wait a minute, don't you think that maybe your husband doesn't think his life has turned out like he wanted it to either?"

The guy goes and busts a nut doing a job he probably does not like for years on end to provide what he thinks his wife wants and this is what he get's? 

"I'm not living the life I want"

If you are not happy figure out what you'd like to do, talk to your husband, family and friends and see if it makes sense or it's just a MLC pipe dream. The only one that holds anyone back is themselves.


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## safety

Eagles Dancing said:


> My father was killed in a farming accident July 2010 and that has really brought the fact that life is short and we only have this one to live.
> 
> I am 49 and I realized that I am not living the life I want to live.
> 
> This might be your wife's thoughts as well.
> 
> My husband is controlling and emotional abusive. He has been for years. I started thinking that it isn't worth it anymore.
> 
> It is time for me to find happiness and this might be your wife's thoughts.
> 
> Death has a way of making us change our focus on things....and it sounds like she has had a lot of death to deal with.
> 
> Mid-life crisis....or just life and time running short...and the need to make happy changes and enjoy what time she has here on Earth!! So you need to make her dreams come true....find out what she wants to do and do them!!
> 
> Women tend to take the back seat and put aside their dreams and let their loved ones find their happiness....now she might want her turn to shine!!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## safety

safety said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let me say she lived a great life. I was not controlling or abusive to her. I tried my best to be there and give her everything she wanted. Personally I now feel that was wrong because if she doesnt know what she wants then how should i know. I would try to have conversations with her through out the marriage and come up with goals for our future and she would agree then not help out, ie buy a home need to save money. All her trips to the mall dinners with her girl friends werent helping us as a family. Teamwork was not present.
I hear stories that this is going on more and more everyday. 1st marriages are not working out as they did In the past.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## safetynetnomore

Gaylord said:


> *After polling over 600 men, here's what they said were the first signs that their wives were having a midlife crisis:*
> 
> • She is very depressed and withdrawn – she says she is unhappy and feels lost and empty inside
> 
> • She is discontent and bored with her life and our marriage – she wants a new life which doesn’t include me
> 
> • She is emotionally detached and doesn’t enjoy any of the activities we used to do together
> 
> • She says that she loves me but she’s not “in love with me” – she has cut me off emotionally and physically
> 
> • She says that she feels a lack of personal fulfillment and is not sure if she wants to be a wife and mother anymore – she thinks about running away
> 
> • She says she is "going through something" and wants to "take a break and find herself” – she says she needs time and space to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life
> 
> • She wants her freedom and independence – she wants to be on her own and make her own decisions
> 
> • She has lost a lot of weight, goes to the gym daily and has become obsessive about exercising
> 
> • She pays more attention to her appearance, always looking in the mirror, and is very pleased when people tell her she looks ten years younger than she is
> 
> • She had a breast augmentation (nose job, tummy tuck, etc.), her teeth capped and permanent cosmetics
> 
> • She goes on uncontrollable and random spending sprees – she bought herself a whole new, younger looking wardrobe
> 
> • She dresses provocatively and acts very flirtatious – she is constantly seeking attention from other men
> 
> • She had an affair with a co-worker (personal trainer, son's soccer coach, old flame, guy she met in a bar, etc.)
> 
> • She bought a shiny new, red BMW convertible (or other flashy sports car)
> 
> • She focuses only on herself and is acting extremely selfish
> 
> • She is angry and irritable all the time, and becomes easily agitated over little things
> 
> • She is sarcastic with one cut down after another, constantly looking for a fight or argument and sometimes even goes into a violent rage
> 
> • She spends her spare time on the computer instant messaging people or chatting with guys online
> 
> • She goes out drinking with younger, single friends/co-workers after work and stays out all hours of the night
> 
> • She started living like she was single again – separate vacations, rock concerts, going out to clubs and bars – anything to avoid being at home in the evening
> 
> • She is acting like a teenager!


Wow. Just revealed my wife's affair with her trainer a little over a month ago and about 95% of the above was taking place (including buying the beamer and getting a boob job). She turns 30 in 3 months and we'd been married for about 5 years, together for 10+. Sad, but very true post. Now I have to decide on furniture for my house...


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## Couleur

jhult said:


> The crazy thing now, is that a co-worker is very interested in me. She pretty much laid all her feelings for me out on the table last night. I am very flattered because she is a great and beautiful woman. However, she is married and so am I....at least for now. One day at a time.


Please, please, please DO NOT respond to your co-worker's overtures. Your marriage may be over, but DO NOT help the co-worker to destroy her marriage. After all, would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who would go behind her husband's back to proposition someone?


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## sadsocalguy

I agree with Coleur. While she may look "great" she is clearly not. You don't need another trainwreck in your life. You are vunerable. Be strong and resist the temptation.


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