# Kicked out of house



## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

So my wife and I have had problems since before we married. Nothing new there. What is new is that she wanted me to leave the house and not come back until she went back to work on Saturday. She wanted me out yesterday(Wednesday.)

I left, then later Wednesday night she asked if I was coming home. I went home because of our son.

In the past we attended marriage counseling. I still go to individual counseling. 

I guess I am really just trying to man up and end this marriage(which is what many good people here and in my life have suggested as probably best.) 

My primary concern is for our son. He is so young, so that if the marriage ends he will not be as negatively affected as if he were older. He is happy at the moment, but I also know as he gets older if he sees the fighting between my wife and I he may end up insecure and unhappy. That is how I grew up.

My wife can have everything as far as I am concerned. 

I have never been kicked out of the house before.We argued over me not having my cell phone on me when she was at work. 

Anyway thanks all. Feel free to comment or not. I know what has to be done, just trying to get on with it. 

I am seeing a lawyer next week.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Who is pushing for the divorce? You or her? One person is ALWAYS pushing harder.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

If you're seeing a lawyer sounds like you've made your decision. 
Sometimes it just doesn't work. you do MC and IC and then things just keep crumbling.
Your son will be happier and healthier mentally if he is parented by two parents who are healthy and not fighting. Kids pick up on it.
He is young...he will adjust and be ok. 


Sent from my iPhone


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

I don't understand why you left your house. If she didn't want to be around you she was free to go stay somewhere else. But to tell you that she didn't want you in the home that is just as much yours as hers is unreasonable.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

How's the sex? Do you guys hate each other?

The hardest thing I did was pack everything up and leave the house with my two kids watching. I knew it was the right thing though, I couldn't remain living a lie. A lie of a happy marriage. The wife and I hated each other, didn't have sex for 4 years, and were just roommates. The kids would see the fights and yelling. I had enough. I didn't care about losing half my assets anymore. All I care about is making sure we both are there for the kids. I haven't been this happy in the past 3 months in my entire life. I'm free of the lie and hurt. The STBX and I get along great now, the best ever. She still wants to R for some dumb reason (kids and God), but she knows we'll be divorced in a few months and $10K in attorney fees later.

It sucks for the kids but they need to see their parents in a loving relationship. You need to look out for yourself, you're the only one who can make you happy. Now that I'm open with everyone about my miserable marriage, there are a LOT of people out there 'stuck' in miserable marriages. I feel so bad for them.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Joey2k said:


> I don't understand why you left your house. If she didn't want to be around you she was free to go stay somewhere else. But to tell you that she didn't want you in the home that is just as much yours as hers is unreasonable.


It's never that easy. If a guy works and the wife is the primary care giver (although lancaster indicated his wife worked), it's harder to have the wife leave. That and lancaster said he was ready to give her everything and I assume that includes the house.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

A few things...

1 - Don't fall on your sword. Half. Period. 

2 - Don't move out or leave in any way that could be arguably construed as intent to no longer reside at the home.

3 - See 2. If police are involved, calmly work with them. But it takes a court order to be permanently removed. If a Judge didn't order it, then its bull.

4 - Your spouse is neither a Judge, nor your Legal Counsel. Do not accept or give credence to anything she attempts to pass off to you as legal fact or conjecture.

5 - If it escalates to arguing, purchase a personal VAR. Carry it always. Use it. Know it. Keep it secure. It may be the difference in a he said/she said at 10pm while the police have questions about who shoved who around.

6 - You are both parents. Half. 50%. 50% of everything. Overnights. Assets. Debts. Everything. Refer to item #1.

7 - Always be calm. Watch Road House. Pay attention to what he says tot he guys on his first day. Always be calm and professional.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

She can't kick you out of the house. Move back and stay put, tell her if she doesn't want to be with you, she's free to leave - but your son stays in the house, with you.

I apologise if I sound like a hard arse, but I get sick of seeing men pushed to the brink by *****y, bossy soon to be ex-wives in cases like this. Like she calls all the shots. It makes me angry - it's NOT all about her and the kids, husbands and dads matter too.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Joey2k said:


> I don't understand why you left your house. If she didn't want to be around you she was free to go stay somewhere else. But to tell you that she didn't want you in the home that is just as much yours as hers is unreasonable.


I left as I don't like the tension. Also, I don't want to be where I am not wanted. I do understand what you are saying though.



GuyInColorado said:


> How's the sex? Do you guys hate each other?
> 
> The hardest thing I did was pack everything up and leave the house with my two kids watching. I knew it was the right thing though, I couldn't remain living a lie. A lie of a happy marriage. The wife and I hated each other, didn't have sex for 4 years, and were just roommates. The kids would see the fights and yelling. I had enough. I didn't care about losing half my assets anymore. All I care about is making sure we both are there for the kids. I haven't been this happy in the past 3 months in my entire life. I'm free of the lie and hurt. The STBX and I get along great now, the best ever. She still wants to R for some dumb reason (kids and God), but she knows we'll be divorced in a few months and $10K in attorney fees later.
> 
> It sucks for the kids but they need to see their parents in a loving relationship. You need to look out for yourself, you're the only one who can make you happy. Now that I'm open with everyone about my miserable marriage, there are a LOT of people out there 'stuck' in miserable marriages. I feel so bad for them.


Thanks for that. I think that is the road we are going down. I expect her to have primary custody of our son. So I am okay with her having the house and anything else. I believe that whoever has the child in our relationship ought to have first option on the house. Add to that she likes where our hose is located and I do not.

Her family is full of high powered lawyers from nationally renowned firms. So there is no way I could beat them. Infact one of them is a top divorce attorney here in Idaho. I spoke with my attorney briefly and he did not sound to excited when I mentioned some of the lawyer names in her family.



Chris Taylor said:


> It's never that easy. If a guy works and the wife is the primary care giver (although lancaster indicated his wife worked), it's harder to have the wife leave. That and lancaster said he was ready to give her everything and I assume that includes the house.


Very true. She can have whatever she wants as far as material items go. As long as our son is taken care of I will be fine.



Malpheous said:


> A few things...
> 
> 1 - Don't fall on your sword. Half. Period.
> 
> ...


No police involved. I like the idea of the VAR. That would be really useful when we argue.



frusdil said:


> She can't kick you out of the house. Move back and stay put, tell her if she doesn't want to be with you, she's free to leave - but your son stays in the house, with you.
> 
> I apologise if I sound like a hard arse, but I get sick of seeing men pushed to the brink by *****y, bossy soon to be ex-wives in cases like this. Like she calls all the shots. It makes me angry - it's NOT all about her and the kids, husbands and dads matter too.


Thanks, but I would never try and keep my son from his mom. She is a great mom. I think Moms are more important than dads when children are small. I have nothing to back that up, just my opinion. Probably comes from when my parents divorced when I was about 2 and I stayed with mom most of the time. 

I went back home. I called the MC again to set up another time to meet with her. Told wife, she was not impressed and said she was not going to change regards her temper. She then said "maybe we are not meant to be together." However, I think it is worth going to the MC just so we have a neutral party who can help us handle the split as amicably as possible.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

If she has temper issues you need to get and carry a VAR to refute any DV claims she may alledge.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Joey2k said:


> I don't understand why you left your house. If she didn't want to be around you she was free to go stay somewhere else. But to tell you that she didn't want you in the home that is just as much yours as hers is unreasonable.


I agree. It's as strange to me as the notion that the guy is expected to sleep on the couch if a big fight occurs and can't be resolved by bed time. Mine was the same response. If you're that upset you go sleep on the couch I'm staying in my bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Just remember, you leaving the house was your own choice. If you choose to leave again, you are showing a pattern of leaving your wife and child, to do who knows what. I would be careful if I were you. I'm pretty sure you want to have the right to see your son in future. Don't make it appear that you are an absent and uncaring father.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you asked your lawyer how your leaving your home, abandoning your wife and child, will affect your divorce? It could really hurt your part of the outcome.

This is why some are saying to not leave the home.... talk to a lawyer about this ASAP because you might need to move back in to make sure you get some custody and visitation with you child.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

OP, listen to what EleGirl is telling you. STAYING IN THE HOUSE IS OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE.

Any savvy divorce lawyer she hires can attempt to bring up abandonment issues. And I agree - if she is p!ssed, let her sleep on the couch or another room.

Of course you don't want tension and uncomfortable confrontations. But that is beside the point. You need to stay, and to heck with what crap she pulls. 

Stay for your son. It might not be pleasant, but it is in your best interests.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

lancaster said:


> Thanks, but I would never try and keep my son from his mom. She is a great mom. I think Moms are more important than dads when children are small. I have nothing to back that up, just my opinion. Probably comes from when my parents divorced when I was about 2 and I stayed with mom most of the time.


OP - I never said to try to keep your son from his mother. I said to not let her leave the house with him...if she wants to leave, fine. But she is not to take your son away from YOU and leave, until the two of you have sorted out and locked in custody arrangements.

You are that child's father, he needs you as much as he needs his mum. And dammit, you love your son! You also have the right to a relationship with him.



Wolf1974 said:


> I agree. It's as strange to me as the notion that the guy is expected to sleep on the couch if a big fight occurs and can't be resolved by bed time. Mine was the same response. If you're that upset you go sleep on the couch I'm staying in my bed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally!!


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

lancaster said:


> So my wife and I have had problems since before we married. Nothing new there. What is new is that she wanted me to leave the house and not come back until she went back to work on Saturday. She wanted me out yesterday(Wednesday.)
> 
> I left, then later Wednesday night she asked if I was coming home. I went home because of our son.
> 
> ...


 You think that your son can't see that you and your wife don't get along? Believe me, they see and here more than you think. If you and your wife can't work it out then end the marriage and just be the best dad you can be for your son. In the long run he'll be better off rather than seeing his parents at each others throat.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

do you always do what she tells you to? I don't quite understand the situation.

Are you a SAHD or do you work?

Make no mistake all lawyers put their pants on just like everyone else. 

If there is a divorce you need to have a life too.


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