# Hubby Twisting Words and Smoothing Me



## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

Okay so I can't wait for my hubby to see the doctor about this, he has been so fricking moppy lately, it's driving me nuts. Anyways, that is next week. But in the mean time, just UGH... 

So things were getting better, until Halloween. So, I have always been the major Halloween player, sometimes we go together and sometimes we don't. Last year I couldn't go because I had to work which I hated cause I ALWAYS go, he sometimes doesn't. So it was like pulling teeth to get him to take the kids last year without me.

Well then he only took the older kids cause I am pretty sure the baby was sick, so this year, I was all geared up to take them and I sent a text to a friend of mine cause last year they got a horrible stash of candy, to see where she took her kids. 

Turns out that they took them around her neighborhood, so I kinda invited my kids to go with her kids, which she didn't mind at all and the kids had a blast. Well we my hubby decided to be a homebody and stay home while we went. Well it was me, my friend, her hubby, and my 3 kids and her 4 kids, so it was a big group and we had 2 strollers as well. So getting the little ones up and down the driveways took time. Well 8:30 comes along and my hubby calls me. I answer right away and he is like what's going on. At that point my friend said probably another 10 mins from getting back to her house. So I tell my hubby that. 

He was SO MAD at me the rest of the weekend because I DIDNT call him to let him know we were still trick or treating, seriously I answered my phone as SOON as he called. Am I in the wrong in this. I think he is smoothing me, and this is only the latest in him having to know where I am every 2nd of the day. If you have been reading my other posts. 

Last week he got mad because I was 15 mins late leaving the Gym and I didn't call or text him. 

Oh and then we got into an argument Saturday night about the Halloween incident, and I finally stood up for myself, and told him that he wasn't to touch me until he apologized. I know this might sound a little harsh but he NEVER apologizes for anything. So anyways, Sunday he finally apologized but then he said he still isn't touching me and he was true to his word. 

So this morning he sent me a text message that's says: 

"So do you like not getting touched or you tits since you always push hands away and are you sleeping good without me holding you."

I replied that I did not like it and he replied back and said I always push him away and I said no as long as you are only holding when we are trying to go to sleep. His problem is he starts to play with my boobs when we are trying to go to sleep so of course I am going to push his hands away and most of the time I don't push them away, I push them down and hold his hand on my boob so that he can't play. 

Anyways, so he texts back in reply to I don't always push you away: 

"Yes you do and even stated that you don't like me doing it unless we are ****ing." 

Which I have NEVER stated ever. And I told him he was taking my words and yet again twisting them to the extreme. 

And he does this all the time, he says that I say things, and I may have said something like what he is saying but his "version" is 10 times worse then what I actually said.

And he has a habit of just staying grumpy and cranky until I leave for work and then he starts texting me because he doesn't want to deal with the issue when we can talk face to face, it drives me nuts. 

Even if we are on the phone and he doesn't like what I am saying he will hang up on me and then start texting me and a lot of times I am driving, and then he gets mad that I don't respond, mean while the whole time I am trying to call him back but he is ignoring my phone calls. UGH I don't know what to do anymore. So I will text him with voice to text and tell him to answer his phone and he refuses only texting me back.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

pickil65 said:


> and told him that he wasn't to touch me until he apologized.


Why on earth do people think this will work? I just don't understand it. 

OK I don't know what kind of medical situation you think your husband has, or what kind of tranquilizer you think will fix it. What you need is a mediator so you two can talk. There is zero real communication happening and he is working hard to make sure that is the way it stays.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

Mr Nail, 

We can have conversations just fine if we don't press each other buttons, and I have been trying hard not to press his, we went to a MC once and when he thought that she was taking my side he stormed out and never went back. At the moment we can't afford a new MC but I want to try another one. And it did work he apologized to me for the first time in FOREVER.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Good, just keep on not touching. He can order a stack of apology cards and send you three per day. 

You are so beaten down that you think a short apology followed by a new fight is a positive. 

Conversations do not include temper tantrums. 

Based only on what you have written in this post today, your husband is abusive. He uses inappropriate control methods. He rejects the possibility that you might be right. He only responds to dire threats. He refuses to converse in an equal fashion. 

I'm not thrilled with your control methods either.

Any physical aspect to this situation?
MN


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

A few years ago he, I wouldn't get out of his way so he could storm out of the house and he pushed me, but he apologized profusely as soon as it happened and it has NEVER happened again. So no physical aspects recently, he tends to break things instead. IE his hand from punch a door, the laptop etc... I know he needs help and I have gotten him to agree to go to the doctor and get diagnosed with a mental issue, my dad growing up was very similar where he was verbally abusive he was never physical but since he has been on meds my mom says the abuse as gone away. 

I know if my hubby runs out of cigarettes he gets really mean and abusive so hopefully since he has agreed to go to the doctor we can get him the help he needs. I am dropping off a note to his doctor tomorrow for her to review before he is seen since I cannot go to the doctor with him as I will be working.

I never said I was perfect LOL. I have bi-polar depression too but I am on meds to help and I do pretty well on my meds. So far he is on a mild anti-depressant but only because he wanted to stop smoking and I told him that if he is going to do that he needs the anti-depressants but they are not helping at all. 

For right now we have made up and things are good as of last night but who knows what buttons I may accidentally press to spin him into depression again. The funny thing was yesterday morning he was still upset and it normally takes overnight for his mood to change.


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## Silly Husband (Aug 30, 2010)

Pickel,

Sorry you and hubby are struggling to communicate. My wife and I struggle too. We aren't nearly as passive aggressive as we used to be but it took some time to get there. 

You mentioned mild anti depressant to quit smoking. I tried that a few years ago with Welbutrin (also went by the name Xyban) and it seemed to help initially but my wife thought it was making me crankier than usual. When I went off it she said I was better. I used Welbutrin again for 'winter blues' a year or two later and the same thing happened. 

Both times I felt like she was just pizzing me off more than usual and that it was not the medication but both times I stopped I was less upset with her afterwards. Your husband may want to talk to his doctor about a different medication.

My wife and I actually found that texting about subjects that were upsetting actually helped us. It gave us time to get our thoughts in order before communicating them and made it easier to focus on the issue instead of the emotions. We now talk face to face better as a result of 'practicing' in text.

As far as the boobs, I'm married 25 years and I'm still struggling with that one so I can't help you there.  

Hang in there!


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

Yeah he is on Wellbutrin as well as Paxil I don't think either are helping, I think he needs a strong anti-depressant like the one I'm on and a mood stabilizer he sees the doctor next week so we will see what she says.


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

pickil65 said:


> A few years ago he, I wouldn't get out of his way so he could storm out of the house and he pushed me, but he apologized profusely as soon as it happened and it has NEVER happened again. So no physical aspects recently, he tends to break things instead. IE his hand from punch a door, the laptop etc... I know he needs help and I have gotten him to agree to go to the doctor and get diagnosed with a mental issue, my dad growing up was very similar where he was verbally abusive he was never physical but since he has been on meds my mom says the abuse as gone away.
> 
> I know if my hubby runs out of cigarettes he gets really mean and abusive so hopefully since he has agreed to go to the doctor we can get him the help he needs. I am dropping off a note to his doctor tomorrow for her to review before he is seen since I cannot go to the doctor with him as I will be working.
> 
> ...


Get him the Nicoret patches they helped me quit and I smoked for years. Start out at the high patch and work down. They really help


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

Silly Husband said:


> Pickel,
> 
> Sorry you and hubby are struggling to communicate. My wife and I struggle too. We aren't nearly as passive aggressive as we used to be but it took some time to get there.
> 
> ...


I too prefer to text my wife when we're upset she wants to face to face and I get to upset then and say things I don't mean latter but in the heat of the moment sounded good. If I text how I feel about a certain subject I tend to be calmer and more thoughtful. I agree the texts help teach couples to communicate better then a face to face isn't so wild and crazy


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

pickil65 said:


> Yeah he is on Wellbutrin as well as Paxil I don't think either are helping, I think he needs a strong anti-depressant like the one I'm on and a mood stabilizer he sees the doctor next week so we will see what she says.


Welbutrin also made me more aggressive in arguments. I'm bipolar and take depakote and it seems to work well and without most of the nasty side effects on men.


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