# This is what I imagine hell to feel like.....



## Imjustme2k17 (Jun 2, 2017)

:crying::crying::crying:
bringing in new year with Whiskey, demons and 8 years of regret......

me and my wife of 8 years separated on 10-16-2016, that date is burned into my soul, she was having an affair I ofound out and confronted her **** got ugly real quick I moved out thinking in time we would find our way back to eachother but things just continued to get worse.....

straightforward to now......

she is in California on vacation with her 2nd boyfriend since we've split I'm back home in michigan at my dads house with our kids drinking my tears and whiskey, she's hurt me down to my very soul yet all I can think about is the good times we had, our kids and our family I miss it, this has to be hell I just cant seem to get over her despite what she's done....

I've been in therapy since January of 2017 so a little under a year, me and the doc talk almost every 2 weeks about setting boundaries and me building ,my new life, I try, she just has a way of disarming me, Recently I've put up a wall on her I just cant be around her anymore when I do I lose all control of my emotions.

so much Anger, sorrow but also an intense sexual attraction smh its almost like when we were young again I hate myself for feeling this way. We've been through so much together I cant believe she did me like this and when we talk she couldn't be happier 

the hardest part about this is the loneliness, she's stripped me of my confidence in myself as a man, I feel unattractive and undesirable affraid to date again all I can ask myself is why, was it the sex? was I not good enough? not strong enough? why them and not me?

I'm losing it, dont know how long I can hold on and I still cant bring myself to file for Divorce the very thought just makes me want to die...........God help me


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## JustAndy (Jan 1, 2018)

Dude, ditch the bottle. Show your kids how they should handle this. 

Also, no. Sex probably wasn't the issue. I don't know your situation, so I can't say for sure but honestly it's not the main reason women cheat. Whiskey is a big one tho. No one likes a big drunk sad-sack. 

This isn't to be mean, this is me trying to help. Ditch the damn bottle!

To do list for you:
-Stop drinking.
-You have value. Recognize it. 
-If you really do suck in bed, learn new tricks (vibrators or whatever). 
-Get over her and get someone else under you. 

Also, fix the other "big" problem that you're not posting online. You know what it is. I don't. 

Hope this helps.


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## Imjustme2k17 (Jun 2, 2017)

JustAndy said:


> Dude, ditch the bottle. Show your kids how they should handle this.
> 
> Also, no. Sex probably wasn't the issue. I don't know your situation, so I can't say for sure but honestly it's not the main reason women cheat. Whiskey is a big one tho. No one likes a big drunk sad-sack.
> 
> ...



I dobt have a drinking problem, I barely drink if at all


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Lose the bottle! She dissed you and obviously wants no part of you! That’s her loss!

Get your drinking under control before you start to ruin other aspects of your life! Your kids are the most precious commodity that you have now ~ first and foremost, take care of them!

Then get yourself to a good family attorney and have them lower the boom on her skanky cheating a$$! She doesn’t deserve you! Leave her high and dry just like she left you!*


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## JustAndy (Jan 1, 2018)

Imjustme2k17 said:


> I dobt have a drinking problem, I barely drink if at all


Then why bring it into the post? You sound like a sad-sack. No one would want that. Don't you see yourself from the outside - at all?

I'm REALLY not trying to be harsh. But man... You've GOT to get over the depression. She did you wrong. Find a good one - over


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Buddy why the hell haven't you filed for divorce and be done with her...she obviously has moved on you should too...and for god sake stop this pity party and grow some balls. ... you sound more like a doormat


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

It’s literally a brand new year! Time to move forward in 2018 without the deadweight of a marriage that’s over.

Let it go. File for divorce. Make it YOUR best year ever.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

The answer is as long as you judge yourself by others vision of you no matter who or what it is, you will always have days where you feel this way. Judge yourself by your own actions and your character. 

Were you a good husband? If not fix that for the next one, if you were however, if you did the best you could then you need to see it like a game where you gave it all you ha but still lost. It sucks but at least you still have your honor. Pain is a very big part of life. Endings are a very big part of life. This is easier said then done it's true but it doesn't mean I am wrong. 

Your life, who you are, who you are with, what you have, all of that can end in a flash, the only thing you have any real control over is yourself. 

That is the lesson. Get that and you will never be beholden to anyone.

Time will heal the pain. You will have joy again, have faith in that.


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## Imjustme2k17 (Jun 2, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Buddy why the hell haven't you filed for divorce and be done with her...she obviously has moved on you should too...and for god sake stop this pity party and grow some balls. ... you sound more like a doormat


its a number of reasons... really, the first is I dont feel like I'm emotionally ready for it like their is so much anger whne it happens I happen it to be smooth she already has the house we were renting and the car we bought together I dont care about any of that stuff I just want peace in my soul....

secondly its expensive and right now I'm trying to rebuild my life financially I just bought me a new truck now I'm saving for a place I honestly dont have the extra money to hire a good lawyer to make **** all is fair 

and thirdly when this happens.....thats it, its really over I mean I know it is now but the pain is just too much, I really put my life into this marriage I wasn't the most perfect husband but I put my best foot forward for her and the girls and this us a very hard pill to swallow


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

I feel your pain man, it is so hard to cope when you don't get answers to the million questions you have, is she was a real person she would explain to you, as you deserve, why she had an affair and left you high and dry, but of course she isn't going to do this is she, that is not her style, she is typical of the meanness that inhabits so many people where they think that hurting someone they once loved is OK and they will get over it, i say to those people that it is not alright to crush a person and leave them out there with no answers, no emotional support, no chance of a making it easy for them to rebuild. 

What you have to do sir is pull yourself together, your voice on TAM is welcome and is a good start to enabling you to rebuild in a meaningful way, discard the bottle, discard the negative feelings, erupt into a man that will pull it all together, as hard as this may seem, it is possible, as many on here will testify to, before i found TAM i was lost, but with the right words from the people on TAM i worked my way to success, the work continues but i feel like a new man compared with the shambling wreck i was just 6 months ago. You can also apply the same recipe to your own situation and leave the past behind and move to a new plane in your life, where you can look in the mirror and like what you see, if you do, so will others, i assure you of this. 

The best revenge is to live well. a few words that i was told that have stood me in good stead over the last few months, it is not easy to achieve but nothing worthwhile in life is, you can start by realising that the present course you are on is not the correct one, you can see that, a few changes now will pay dividends, then you crave more, a new way of thinking soon comes over you, it pushes you into seeking more change and before you know it you have achieved something worthwhile, it is addictive, BUT, you have to start the process, don't rely on someone helping you, it is from within you that this will happen, i will watch your story with interest and maybe you can share it all with the many people here who have been in a similar position as you find yourself and have pulled through to be better at life and thus better at achieving what it is that makes us happy.

My mistake was thinking that my wife was going to give me the answers to the many questions i had, i was wrong, so wrong, she has admitted to me she doesn't have the answers, she is incapable of the language i needed to help me move on, so many people who have this problem of communication have affairs to get out of their marriages. When you rebuild you with no help form your wife, you will be so much stronger and she will be as weak, you do the work, you will benefit, she will lose, even if you think she has won already, she hasn't, the first person to move a piece in chess is not always the winner. I wish you well on your journey.


Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Divorce her. Best time to divorce is when you're poor. Stop with the excuses. 

Priority is you. Hit gym hard and only drink water from now on. No soda, no booze, no tea. Eat healthy 100%. Then make sure your kids are good and have a healthy relationship with their father. Then when you're ready, start dating the millions of single women out there and have the time of your life.


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## Imjustme2k17 (Jun 2, 2017)

KevinZX said:


> I feel your pain man, it is so hard to cope when you don't get answers to the million questions you have, is she was a real person she would explain to you, as you deserve, why she had an affair and left you high and dry, but of course she isn't going to do this is she, that is not her style, she is typical of the meanness that inhabits so many people where they think that hurting someone they once loved is OK and they will get over it, i say to those people that it is not alright to crush a person and leave them out there with no answers, no emotional support, no chance of a making it easy for them to rebuild.
> 
> What you have to do sir is pull yourself together, your voice on TAM is welcome and is a good start to enabling you to rebuild in a meaningful way, discard the bottle, discard the negative feelings, erupt into a man that will pull it all together, as hard as this may seem, it is possible, as many on here will testify to, before i found TAM i was lost, but with the right words from the people on TAM i worked my way to success, the work continues but i feel like a new man compared with the shambling wreck i was just 6 months ago. You can also apply the same recipe to your own situation and leave the past behind and move to a new plane in your life, where you can look in the mirror and like what you see, if you do, so will others, i assure you of this.
> 
> ...



thank you


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Some people are just not meant for long term marriage or even more so fidelity. You have to accept that. Maybe they give all they have and for a while when everything is new and fun they can do it but eventually they just can't hang when life gets normal. They don't have it in them, they revert to their nature, of dishonestly. 

She could have been honest with you but that would require being honest and honesty takes real character at times. 

I know it's hard but try to see her like the zombies on the walking dead, once they turn there is no coming back. (not saying like they treat the zombies mind you ). But once a person cheats on you and destroys your marriage it's like they have turned into someone who kind of looks the same but isn't.

The women you thought you knew is dead. The truth is you thought she was something she was not. 

That doesn't mean you can't have what you want, but you must have it with someone else. The thing you need to understand and believe is you can fall in love just as hard and have a better relationship with someone else. Don't romanticize what love is, it's not something you can only have with one person. There are probably thousands of people you can have love with. That is why it's important to not think about it like it is some rare jewel. It's just not. It is a part of relationships that can happen with lots of people. 

Western Culture puts way to much importance on Love and it being unique, especially when it comes to marriage. You absolute must have it but you need other things too as you are learning. Character is the more important when you are deciding to dedicate you life to someone. You wife had none of that. Loyalty is also important, again she is a failure. So she was a bad choice. 

You need to work to change your thinking. As soon as you really understand what I am telling you, your desire to be with your ex-wife will change. You will stop seeing her as a jewel and start seeing her as just a shiny piece of glass. But your life is not over and there are jewels out there.


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## Whatsright86 (Jun 24, 2017)

Give yourself a few more weeks to wallow in self-pity, loneliness and depression, then stick your chin up and start the divorce!

Initiating the divorce will be hell...but once you get past it, there will be a new life waiting for you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Imjustme2k17 said:


> I've been in therapy since January of 2017 so a little under a year, me and the doc talk almost every 2 weeks about setting boundaries and me building ,my new life


ARE you? Setting boundaries? Have you gone no contact with her? Why not?


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

I can kind of understand pining over a failed marriage if the affair tears it apart and she's wanting to make it right, but you just can't get over it and both parties are sad from it. I don't understand pining for a woman who clearly doesn't like you or want anything to do with you anymore. She's out there dating, having the time of her life not at all worried about you. Stop thinking of your life in terms of a woman validating you. Build a life you enjoy for yourself, stop wallowing in self-pity and misery.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

First off, it’s not you, man — turns out she’s just a ho.

Second, get the divorce done and THEN rebuild yourself financially, else you risk losing whatever gains you’ve made once _she_ hits YOU with divorce papers.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that, as her husband, you can legally be held accountable for whatever financial missteps she makes.

So get rolling on that divorce.


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