# This is worse than DDay! just venting



## bluerunner (Mar 22, 2013)

Tonight we will tell my 6 yo daughter that her father is moving out and I feel sick about it. I am so scared for her and I feel so guilty for having him move out but I told him I would only give him one chance and I meant it. He cheated and we tried to R and I found out in late August that the affair never ended. He stayed for 8 weeks while he bought a house and we lived like roommates and I am ready for him to leave but I feel so sad for my daughter she really loves her daddy. I hope and pray she does well. 

He has showed very little remorse throughout this entire ordeal. I just don't understand how someone can be so selfish!

just needed to vent.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Your daughter is going to need a lot of support. She needs to understand that you both love her and nothing is her fault. This is a must. 

I'm so sorry your man turned out to be a boy with no discipline and weak morality.


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## Mzflower (Aug 3, 2013)

Ugh how heartbreaking. I don't get cheaters, I realy don't. Be strong and a good example for your daughter.


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## Quaintrelle (May 13, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> Your daughter is going to need a lot of support. She needs to understand that you both love her and nothing is her fault. This is a must.
> 
> I'm so sorry your man turned out to be a boy with no discipline and weak morality.


Yeah. This is very important. But I'm sure you know that.

And although you're scared for her, it's important that you not be scared when you tell her. You need to frame it as a positive thing and she will pick up on those cues. And also make sure she understands that it doesn't mean she won't see her dad anymore.

My parents had to have that talk with me when I was eight years old. And for all they things they got wrong in their lives, this was the one thing they did right, when they told me. Because of that, I didn't feel bad about it, and post separation I was fine, even happier than I had been. She knows more about your marital discord than you think. She will feel the stress in the household go too. 

Kids are more adaptable and resilient than adults give them credit for. Do the talk right and she'll be fine. Good luck.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Please make sure over and over that it is not her fault and her parents love her.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Can you get your STBX husband to reassure her of the same thing, that it's not her fault?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Make sure to keep this lying cheating pos in her life. Yea, i know its hard.

I salute your fortitude. No means no.


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## bluerunner (Mar 22, 2013)

We told her last night and it was awful at first; the crying and screaming. I told her that daddy bought his own house (right around the corner from me) and he was going to live in it because he and mommy didn't get along anymore and we had to live apart. We reassured her many times that we both loved her and that she was the most important person in our lives. We told her this was a grown up decision and it had nothing to do with her. We then walked to his house (2 minute walk) to show it to her and she said "mommy I feel so much better because I thought daddy was going to move far away". 

She asked me if she could spend the night at his house and I said "of course you can" but in reality I was falling apart on the inside because she has never been away from me except when I spent a night at the hospital due to a miscarriage. I didn't let on that I was sad because this is not about me. I want her to feel secure and loved and I don't want her to ever feel like she has to choose sides. 

I just talked to her and she was excited because she gets to sleep on an air mattress. It's the simple things that excite kids. 
I just hope she adjusts well after the newness of this wears off.


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

You know what I realized today? Our kids are much smarter than we think.. Today.. my daughter and I were talking.. Now, keep in mind, this was the TOTAL "daddy's girl". She was all about Daddy and he was all about her.. He walked out in the beginning of August, and has had TWO overnights since then.. for less than 24 hours and seen them 2 other times.. I have offered.. but he's been "busy"

Today.. my daughter and I were talking about the divorce and I said, "I know its hard.. I know you are sad.. I know you wish Daddy was here" and she said, "No, I like it like this.." And I said, "What do you mean?" And she said, "Daddy was always mad.. And he yelled at me and said I did things bad that I didn't do.. And now, we are all happy, you and me and sister." 

I was crushed.. I thought I stayed with his alcoholic ass b/c it was better for the girls and I'm finding out I should have left long ago for them.. 

I think they know when things are bad.. really bad.. I thought we were so good and the girls never saw us fight.. but, really? he took it out on them.. it breaks my heart...


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

bluerunner said:


> We told her last night and it was awful at first; the crying and screaming. I told her that daddy bought his own house (right around the corner from me) and he was going to live in it because he and mommy didn't get along anymore and we had to live apart. We reassured her many times that we both loved her and that she was the most important person in our lives. We told her this was a grown up decision and it had nothing to do with her. We then walked to his house (2 minute walk) to show it to her and she said "mommy I feel so much better because I thought daddy was going to move far away".
> 
> She asked me if she could spend the night at his house and I said "of course you can" but in reality I was falling apart on the inside because she has never been away from me except when I spent a night at the hospital due to a miscarriage. I didn't let on that I was sad because this is not about me. I want her to feel secure and loved and I don't want her to ever feel like she has to choose sides.
> 
> ...


My two oldest live with me now 90+% of the time. Every Tuesday I go to the gym to work out for about 2 hours because Tuesday is the day I have to hand my youngest to his mother. 

He has adjusted well. He knows how much he is loved. He hugs me every time I stop by. As long as you are honest and loving to them, they will always want to be with you, if not in body, in heart.

I am so sorry for the pain you had to go through. I know how much it hurt.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

bluerunner said:


> We then walked to his house (2 minute walk) to show it to her and she said "mommy I feel so much better because I thought daddy was going to move far away".
> 
> She asked me if she could spend the night at his house and I said "of course you can" but in reality I was falling apart on the inside because she has never been away from me except when I spent a night at the hospital due to a miscarriage. I didn't let on that I was sad because this is not about me. I want her to feel *secure and loved *and I don't want her to ever feel like she has to choose sides.
> 
> ...


Fantastic work bluerunner. Brought a tear to my eye. Your little one feels secure and loved and that is really all that kids need. it is so good for them when they know Mum or Dad are around the corner whichever house they are in. Being able to buy a house so close was the best thing you could have done. Me and ex-H did the same. 3 x kids who are grown up now but tell us that because both of us were always close by they always felt loved and secure growing up. 
Now you have told her which you must have been dreading, she will be just fine.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

bluerunner, great job! Don't forget, too, that the natural course of childhood is happening, and your d is approaching 'sleepover' years with friends, too. That actually will ease the anxiety of her going to your x's house, I hope. it did for me. My d also gladly told me the awful things about dad's "He only cooks food out of a box, Mom!" and she transitioned easily into sleepovers. Not once did I ever get the "come pick me up" call at midnight. 

I hope my story eases things for you a bit.


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