# Do women go thru mid-life crises too?



## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Mid life crises:

I've heard it described " A Man coming into the reality of his own mortality, by trying to recapture the enjoyment of his youth."

Is it just a male thing?

Do women go thru mid-life crises too?

If so, How do we stop the feelings of wanting our youth back? 


I am serious here.
Any 40+ 'ers out there with sound advice?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I have not technically hit midlife, but I do know that women are just as given to midlife crises. We reach our forties and come to a point of reevaluate our choices and goals. 

Midlife crises for women can often result in affairs and divorces as we seek to look beyond our marriages. I have also seen women hit 40 and have one more child in an attempt to feel young again, as they are confronted with menopause and senior years getting closer.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Male mid-life crisis is more myth and hyperbole than fact.

Most studies show that close to 90% of men do not suffer from the "Mid-Life" crisis.

Yep, it's a catchy phrase. Sure, it's easy to poke fun at a "stable' guy finally having some fun. But if you look at the "symptoms" of the crisis they remarkably coincide with financial, time, family, obligations being met and free time being more available.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Chelle D said:


> Is it just a male thing?
> 
> Do women go thru mid-life crises too?



Oh yes !!.... I could go on about a Mid Life crisis, mine came on me like a freight train..... It was on the heels of a few things...

*1.* Having our last child & getting an IUD (finally sexual freedom)

*2*. Oldest son going off to college, a new beginning for him, an ending to this part of our parenting, things will never be the same ...tears 

*3.* Since I made this long Movie Maker Video for my son for His Grad party...photos of him from birth To Grad... Our ages started to hit me...... I thought I'd take the time to scan old pics of me & my husband through our life together (27 yrs total at that time)... I put a mushy love song to that.... stayed up all night scanning old pics....I didn't sleep a wink..... when I finally played this video back.... .It took me by surprise... I sat there balling my eyes out.... all those beautiful memories welling up in my heart... watching 6 babies be born.. as we have gotten older.... and I cried a river... thinking ...Oh mY God, where did all of these years go too.. I wanted to go back in time... grab that sexy man I married & live those years all over again. 

I think I RE-fell in love with my husband that night.. before this, I was taking him for granted, busy with projects, kids.... 

Yes, I wanted to Grab OUR youth in the worst way.... me & him have done literally everything together since we met in our teens.... it was always "*US*' in both of our minds... this did not change for me during My Mid Life crisis.... but one thing I knew it was almost immediately... I was ALL SEXUAL... Since I was a one of those Repressed Good girls most of our marraige, and suddenly realized we never had any kind of wild adventerous phase.... it was TIME ..... I swear this all happened to me over night... 

I wanted to go to Rock concerts... we were inches from a Mosh pit at one of them...we were trying all kinds of things sexually.. I was having an affair with my husband!! Yeah, that is the way to do it -- (Bought a book like that ...below)... a friend invited us to a strip club, I was game, he enjoyed that-husband never been to one.... it was a little part of our WILD spell (it has past).... I was not jealous, I wanted sex more than him, so anything to turn him on was working for me ! 

I wanted to take Romantic vacations-- we neglected that sort of thing our entire marraige..always putting the kids 1st, this was a mistake. Just anything & everything we ever wanted to do or I feel we missed in our youth, I set out to get a feel of , and DO... most of it was heating up the bedroom. 

My MId life Crisis really enhanced our marraige... my husband really *indulged* me in everything I wanted , and I felt these stirrings really intensely for a time.... I love him for that, for being there for me every step of the way. I would cry sometimes, I don't like getting older.. BUt at least we still are feeling good. 

.. He often reminds me of what we have now, all of our dreams accomplished...back then, I worried about so much of this... I was missing him. 

I feel we spent sooo many years trying to climb that mountain of our dreams.... we were missing each other with busyness, now we are on the Mountain top... the site is beautiful, we don't want it to end... but soon, so soon, we will have to tread down the other side of that mountain..... where it will be more about the kids... seeing them live their young dreams.... we had our chance. 

Mid life crises do not have to go badly...we definitely made lemonade with mine... .If you feel like having an affair... rekindle what you have, go back in time, grab that young lover you had by your side you was crazy about.

This is the book I got , I really enjoyed the read. 

 Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with Your Spouse


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

yes it starts at age 9.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'll soon be 49 and haven't had my mid-life crisis yet. Perhaps it's because I'm still picking up the pieces from my estranged husband's destructive mid-life crisis.


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

I'm 38, my mum was just last year diagnosed with breast cancer and my aunt with ovarian cancer. Sometimes I feel like I should start tombstone shopping right now .

I've always had a strong sense of my mortality, even as a child, though recognizing that my life may potentially be half over makes it all the more vivid. 

My advice is to identify what exactly it is that you fear about getting older. My fears revolve around my functionality, my vision, and not being able to drive. If I can keep those things then I can face the future with some optimism.

As far as death goes, so much depends on your religious beliefs. I don't know if I believe in a heaven per se, but I do believe in the timelessnes of the human soul, which admittedly is a comfort when I'm lying in bed at night thinking about death.

If you eat healthy and stay active you can beat the clock by good measure. I read the book "Eat to Live" and try to follow its principles as best I can. He recommends a mostly vegan diet with huge amounts of greens being consumed.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

YES! Lots of women definitely go through MLC! 
Some use shopping as an outlet , some a new hobby... almost the same things as men do when they go through MLC, though not as "ridiculous" ! LOL!

I think hitting 40 makes us review our life, hoping to make a bit of a change from the norm, or how the past years were lived. Many do complete life changes, move to a far away country, loose weight, become vegetarians.... theres a lot of different form of MLC for women, ranging from the norm to really insane!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*We reach our forties and come to a point of reevaluate our choices and goals. *

THIS is a normal stage of human growth and development.... I forgot the name of it.... it comes right before "Self Actualization". Makes sense, right?

Crisis is the key term tho. We ALL do evaluations of our life, some more in depth.... some more maturely... whatever. We don't ALL have or create a crisis. 

I agree with MistysDad.... way too much advertising on this label. Usually, someone makes a "life change", that others do not agree with (which may or may not be understandable to the spouse!)...and is labeled "in the middle of a Midlife crisis". 

Of course women go through midlife transitions and introspections, some cause a crisis.... some go shopping, some run off and join the circus.... causing a crisis for the loved ones left behind, not necessarily for themselves. Some make improvements, and sometimes those improvements do not include their current spouse! Some just wish and do nothing.... MLC is different for everyone. It's a growth period.... some ace it, some flunk. But it doesn't have to be a crisis.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Chelle D said:


> Mid life crises:
> 
> I've heard it described " A Man coming into the reality of his own mortality, by trying to recapture the enjoyment of his youth."
> 
> ...


Before reading any response, I am going to speculate that like many things such as heart disease, flatulence, or snoring, it affects women as much as much as it does men.

Why it is only discussed in the context of men is probably just due to social conventions of what is masculine and feminine.


So yes, I do think women feel it. They probably just call it something different, like "trying to find myself".

And your use of "we" implies you are feeling it yourself.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Oh...yeah.... Feeling it very much some days. Other days, I think I'm okay with it... or think it doesn't apply to me.

I'm starting towards more premenopausal symptoms, and i guess it's bothering me quite a lot. Realizing that even though I don't want anymore children, the prospect of not "being able" to produce them will effect me as a woman.

I guess I've slightly known in the back of my mind, that its starting, and very much explains some behaviors in the past 6 months.
(The trying to recapture enjoyment of youth.)


I guess I just really wish hubby would be more understanding and would hug me & calm me down, instead of storming out the door.
It's been better lately (last 3ish months), but before that... you couldn't cut the tension with a hunting knife.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm thinking about it. Turned 40 this year. My grandma died last year, my h has a V. I don't want more kids. I have seriously been thinking about getting a gastric bypass. I have fought my weight for 20 years and done every diet known to man, nothing works. This year I got my first tattoo. I never could think if what I wanted. Life seemed so long and I didn't know what I would want for the rest of my life. I realized life isn't that long a d found something I really wanted.
I also got a cartilidge piercing a year ago, the first "odd" piercing I've ever had. 
So I guess that's my MLC. Tattoos and bypasses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## itgetsbetter (Mar 1, 2012)

Yes. A woman who is very close to me is going through a major mid-life crisis right now. Though it's early for her...she's 35. She got married at 19 though, so she never lived a single life...so the mid-life crisis has come early. I'm scared for her


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

itgetsbetter said:


> Yes. A woman who is very close to me is going through a major mid-life crisis right now. Though it's early for her...she's 35. She got married at 19 though, so she never lived a single life...so the mid-life crisis has come early. I'm scared for her


Is she really going thru mid life crisis though?? If she "never lifed a single life"... are you sure she's just not going thru a self destructive phase late?

Hope your friend is not on a self destructive phase.

j


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Interesting set of posts and thoughts. 

Is it possible we explain away women's midlife episodes sometimes as "Pre-menopause" or "peri-menopause" and that's why we don't recognize it as often? What do you guys think?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Around 43 I began to feel bad. Bad pms, wicked mood swings, crying for no good reason, etc.

A month ago I started biodentical hormones (I'm 45) and I'm feeling so good that I'm kicking myself for not starting them sooner. Should mention I'd already gotten in shape, lost weight, was taking care of myself and have been in therapy doing some personal growth. But nothing was helping what turned out to be a hormonal problem. My progesterone was nonexistant, my testosterone gone, etc. No wonder I felt bad. LOL

I no longer think what I was feeling was some MLC it was simply perimenopause symptoms.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think I'm going to do that too. At least until I'm oh I don't know 70.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> Interesting set of posts and thoughts.
> 
> Is it possible we explain away women's midlife episodes sometimes as "Pre-menopause" or "peri-menopause" and that's why we don't recognize it as often? What do you guys think?


I sometimes think it's the reverse - we explain away the very real, yet sometimes difficult to pinpoint changes that perimenopause brings over a long period of time in a woman's life (almost a decade or more in some cases) as a MLC - when in fact there may very well be an underlying physical cause that is facilitating the upheaval.

Severe hormonal imbalance has the uncanny ability to unbalance many things in your life - not just the physical, but the emotional and mental as well. There's a reason why that time in a woman's life was called her going through "the change".

At least that is what I have noticed in my own personal journey with perimenopause over the last few years.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

My wife started using progesterone cream recently as well. Helped her immensely. She also took up photography because she was feeling some "empty nest syndrome." Maybe that's another term we should add to the synonyms for a woman's mid life crisis?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think that it's quite natural to go through periods of contemplation and re-evaluation in our lives as we go through major transitions.

In my own life I have noticed several transitions that were very difficult - the transition into parenthood, the transition in to mid-life physical changes - the transition into caring for elderly parents. I expect that the transition out of active parenthood (empty nest) will also be difficult.

I went through a particularly difficult time between ages 40 to 43. I had my youngest son only weeks away from having my 40th birthday, and it was a very bittersweet experience. While many of my friends were getting ready for their kids to enter high school and look at having a lot of freedom in the years ahead (which I had been looking forward to with my oldest son), I found myself starting over from ground zero with the newest.

It was particularly difficult to go through the same rounds of child care, working, starting school while no longer having anything in common with the other parents who had children the same age as our youngest - most of the other parents were at least 10-15 years younger. The daily physical grind of trying to keep all the balls in the air was much more difficult than it had been with our youngest years before. My husband, who is older than I, was even called our youngest son's grandpa.

I got shook out of my self-inflicted, selfish, myopic crisis when I started to have a lot of health issues - and it forced me to open my eyes and see the very positive things that each day could bring when I decided to let go of concentrating on everything that I didn't have or like.

It's really all a matter of perspective. Each change I now see may be potentially disruptive and cause turmoil, but I am determined to try and confront them with as much of a positive attitude and zest for life and living as I can. I have found that having these kinds of thoughts now seems to make everything a lot easier to handle.

Maybe our MLC is telling us that we really just need to grow up and enjoy the life that we have. As the saying goes - LIFE is for the living.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Wow... so some of the meds might REALLY help?? I mean, the moodswings... (well, I don't really concider them mood swings). I'll be going along just fine, and then wham... EVERY little tiny thing just irritates the h**l out of me. I go to move something in the fridge & just pissed as hell because a different Item got put "away wrong" and is in the way... (stoooopid little tiny stuff like that) -- and I go ballistic. 

Afterwards I'm always sorry. Or, when I'm having a hot flash.

Gosh, this last one I handled myself a little better, but there I am shirt off fans blowing on me, wanting to put an ice pack between my breasts... And hubby leans in real close (trying to help), and starts blowing on my chest. AAArrrrggghh!!.. I'm thinking... get the F**K away...if you dare touch me, I'm gonna scream my head off!
Instead, I say calmly (ha ha ha, thru gritted teeth.) "It is NOT helping honey. Actually, the heat coming off your head overrides any tiny bit of that hot air you're blowing on me." ... Then I said "Sorry. God, I hope this doesn't last long". Then he backed off, & went & got me some cold water. (Bless him for trying).

If HRT will help that kind of stuff??? maybe? I'm just on so many meds already (diabetes) that I do not want & cannot afford any more!...

But, to me, these symptoms differ greatly , from wanting that feeling of young & happy & sweet, nice person, I was way way way back then. (that's what I am thinking is the MLC part).


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## Wheels65 (Jul 17, 2011)

For some MLC is just an excuse for bad behavior, divorce, etc. 

From what I've seen those that never truly sowed any single life wild oats always think they've missed something


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

I am pretty sure I am in one now.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Care to Share? (to kelly)
I wont judge


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

shy_guy said:


> Is it possible we explain away women's midlife episodes sometimes as "Pre-menopause" or "peri-menopause" and that's why we don't recognize it as often?


According to this link...The Symptoms of Perimenopause are:

•Hot flashes, night sweats, coldness 
•Irregular periods that can be heavy, light, shorter or longer cycles 
•Difficulty sleeping either getting to sleep or staying asleep 
•Mood changes, anxiety, depression, irritability 
•Heart palpitations (if you experience any heart disturbances, always consult a physician) 
•Dry skin and/or hair loss 
•Loss of or decreased sexual desire 
•Vaginal dryness 
•Incontinence -- the inability to hold your urine

It also says these things can occur 10 to 15 years before actual menopause occurs.

Well I don't know what is wrong with me.... but I am not complaining here.... I am 45, I had an "experience" 3 yrs ago, but it was none of this....in fact the total opposite, I felt like I was 18 again . I still feel on top of the world.
. 
The most I can relate to on this list would be: My periods are always regular but I did notice they are getting a little shorter, maybe every 26 days, not 28 (which is a symptom)...no difference in flow at all. 

Mood changes - I never noticed Pms before in my life but in my 40's... it is true...I am more SENSITIVE during that timeframe... about 3-4 days before the onset....then I can feel it lifting from my psyche. I wanted more of my husband's attention, not less.... 

Sleep patterns never changed at all. That 8 months I was on some hormonal high...I hardly needed any sleep at all & my sex drive was insatiable (like a 20 yr old male) ....I felt like I was walking on the clouds- not a pain in my body.... dryness... I needed some of that- badly!!!

After that passed...now I am exactly the same as I was for our entire marriage - never needed lube pretty much but yeah - I need some forplay again. 



> *Wheels65 said*: From what I've seen those that never truly sowed any single life wild oats always think they've missed something


 I believe this to be VERY VERY true.. IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY IN YOUR MARRAIGE. I have not been single since I was 14 yrs old... I never really wanted anyone else... BUT I DID have an overwhelming desire to go back in time and relive what I felt *WE* missed . I wanted my husband to be my affair partner. It WAS a little difficult for me when he couldn't keep up- I wanted him to be that 20 yr old horny young man. But we worked with it !

We've always had a great marraige though, I have always been very happy. 

I learned he was not as happy as me, unfortunetely , due to my taking him for granted & he always wanted more sex. My Mid life crisis is the best thing that ever happened to us. I know this is not the normal story by any means. I wish I would have had it when I was 30!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'd be happy one minute then the next I'd want to punch my husband. And we are happily married so I KNEW it was me not him. He is the sweetest guy who I love dearly. The more I read about menopause the more I became convinced that was what my problem was. Hence why I sucked it up and sought help in the form of hormone replacement.

My estrogen is fine which explains why I'm not having hot flashes (yet). According to my labs I'm still ovulating so my problems are related to low T and low progesterone. Progesterone is the happy hormone. Get low on that and you become quite *****y. 

Symptoms of low progesterone are sleep disturbances, mood swings, irritability, anxiety, depression, increased cravings for carbs/sweets, PMS and water retention.

Symptoms of low testosterone are related to sex drive, mood, fatigure and weight gain.

Symptoms of low estrogen are hot flashes, night sweats, lack of mental clarity, dry skin, painful intercourse, thinning hair, headaches and heart palpitations.

This is just my first month and I asked my husband if he could tell a difference in me. I got a resounding YES from him. LOL


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

I don't know...I think some people do start acting up in their forties, but I also don't think it's something that HAS to happen just because you are that age.

I wouldn't go back to my twenties for anything. I am totally at ease now with my body, attitude, looks, marriage, friends, ect.

I know who I am and what I want. I know what my morals and boundries are, and that I won't cross them.

Forties are awesome..bring them on!


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## craig2010 (Mar 18, 2012)

Mid-life crises affects everyone. There is no discrimination whether you are male or female. The best way to get it out from this crises is to reflect on your own. Some of the questions you can ask for yourself are as follows:

What is my life about?
Who am I? 
What do I want? 
How Can I get there now?
What am I grateful for? 
How can I move toward more joy in my life? 

Read the real stories of people, who has successfully came out of this situation. 

Check out my free videos on how to get out of mid-life crises.

Hope it helps 

Thanks,
Craig


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

craig2010 said:


> Mid-life crises affects everyone. There is no discrimination whether you are male or female.


My husband said he had one before mine ...he was so quiet about it -I didn't know he was dealing with anything.... it was very tame... it was all about the kids growing up.......just the reality of our life going too fast, it was a bit of a depressive phase... (which he was never the type to be down about anything)...I recall him making some comments like that -back then...but it was a little deeper than he let on to me.... Then he says it passed. 

I made a big Hoopla about mine, it was not Tame at all -it was a force to be reckoned with... buckle up & hang on for the ride !!


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## craig2010 (Mar 18, 2012)

It must be a "bad phase" in life. Sometimes, we are pushed to unknown area or turbulent times. We need to take this challenge and always of "possibility". Think of "how can I come out of this challenge successfully?" What are the opportunities available?
Shall I change the way I look at life?

We need to find a way ourselves and put effort to overcome these challenges. 

There are ample of articles on my site to deal with crises. 

Craig.


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## cheeryself (Mar 30, 2012)

I think it is a time when a lot of things come together. It doesn't really matter what label you put on it. But reality is that a lot of women go to a period of reevaluating where they are going with their lifes sometimes in their 40s- 50s. 

This is a time when a lot of things change:
-We realize that not everything is possible and have to come to grips with our past choices
-Our bodies change (and not for the better)
-Hormones go haywire
-Kids leave the house
-Careers stall or we regret that we didn't go as far as we once thought we could
Plus we watch the generation before us slowly passing away and we realize: now WE are the OLD generation. 

Granted not every women goes through this and some have a harder time with it than others. It all depends on where you are in your life and what unresolved issues you have to tackle. I am sure that a women's health also plays a great role. Some of the issues are the same for men, others are more unique for women. Mid-life crisis or mid-life evaluation? 

More important in my book is: How do we come out the other end?
-Happy and content and ready to face the future?
-Wallowing in the past and regretting decisions we can't change?
-Acknowledging that we are human, made mistakes, are getting older and have a positive outlook on the things we can still accomplish?


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

It's a topic that needs to be talked about, Women In MLC. My wife ,45, is in it, went from being the light of my life to someone I don't even recognize anymore over the space of about six months. Walked on me and two kids with three days warning. The infidelity board here on Tam is full of similar stories.


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## BearMoose22 (Apr 13, 2012)

When I hit 40 I started feeling like I was missing out. I married young and had 5 kids. My marriage is one that most would kill for but I kinda lost myself in being mom and wife. I had to start trying to do more for myself to overcome the feelings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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