# Husband diagnosed with low T a week later he asks for a divorce...



## hopingforchange (Nov 7, 2014)

It seems like the last 9 mo. or so my husband and I have been drifting farther apart. We both have high stress, crazy schedule jobs, along with 2 young children ( 2 & 4) I have had the sense something was off but was so upset that I didn't feel like he was trying to work on our marriage and make things better, we would fight. Finally I had him go in for a physical, they tested his testosterone levels and turns out his are low. I was relieved, this was part of our problem and it is completely fixable. Well then my world exploded a week later when he told me he wanted a divorce because he doesn't feel the same anymore and does not love me. I was in shock, I still am. And he won't listen to me that a lot of what he is "feeling" is due to the low T and it will take some time with these injections to get back to where he was and feeling normal again and in turn our relationship will improve and his feelings will change. In addition we have both started new jobs that allow us to be home together more. I started my new job the day before he said he wanted a divorce. He moved out on Halloween and i'm trying to just be patient and let him do what he needs to do but every time my 4yo talks to him he asks him when he's coming home, why aren't you coming home and it breaks my heart. He does not realize what he is doing to our children. How can I get him to see these feelings are only temporary?? I want him to come home, I am so lost and upset. I'm trying to take this time to focus on me but half my time I think about him and how unknown the future for us is right now. I don't know what to do


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Try making it a little more about him and less about you. Just reading this one post you don't sound very empathetic.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

I don't want to upset you further but, without contradictory information, there's little to suggest the feelings he expressed weren't genuine. 

You're right that the T will affect his drive,, but you're overlooking that it'll increase his aggression and lift any malaise. It's entirely possible that, feeling 'run down' and non-aggressive, he's avoided telling you how he feels until now. Also, for the months you've been miserable, MAYBE he was finding a few hours to himself to consider his feelings and options. Your new jobs and 'more time together' may've been, for him, the straw that broke the camel's back. He might not (and now clearly doesn't) want to spend more time with you. Your selective, wishful thinking is glaring. This is more than any T imbalance.

He MIGHT come home all loving and hörny, but be careful what you wish for. If he's suddenly got his drive back, and you're available, he might return hörny and no more loving than he was when he left. Worse, if his new aggression becomes a factor. In your determination to keep him, you may be having the same issues you had before he left, plus him being aggressive and wanting sex between fights.

If you like a relationship that's all drama and make-up sex, that's fine and fantastic for you,, but I'm guessing you're hoping 'that lovin' feeling' will return. From what you've posted, I'm not convinced it will. You're only considering one effect of getting his T back and I'm telling you there are others.

By all means hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 

It's sad when one partner loses their desire for somebody who still loves them, but they're entitled to leave. These forums are full of dumpers and dumpees and those who've experienced both.

It might work out for you and I hope it does,, but don't invest all your desires and emotions on the one outcome cuz if you're wrong it.ll hurt more than if you prepare for all potential developments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful123 (Oct 29, 2014)

Sorry to hear about this, you won't convince him, you have to let the T shots take effect. With the kids just tell them that he will be home soon and you both love them. Don't get upset in front of children stay strong. Your thinking is normal, thinking about him all the time will be causing that sick feeling in your tummy and your cloudy thinking. My advice if you really want him home is accept that for now he is not coming home. Really accept it, dont look for answers, they will become apparent. Focus on the kids and yourself as much as you can. Keep busy in anyway you can, the first couple of weeks will be really tough. Read the 180 and try and observe some of the rules in it, dont just observe them actually enact them and live them. Stay strong


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

aSorry for what your going through. Just accepting it will help you move on. Work on your personal issues, and life will be easier. Your in a chaotic situation and giving you space will bring clarity. Most likely, you are going through shock and sudden change. It may make you needy or not. He needs to work on his own issues, and that is the way it should be. Everyone should own their own problem, and find the will within to fix it. You can't make him, and you can't fix him. 

Just reassure your children that you both love them and will be there for them if they need it. They may need to go to counseling, because they feel that their father abandoned them. They may feel like that they did something wrong. From a child's world view, things revolve around them and they associate with everthing. 

So prioritize you and the kids. Right now, find ways to improve your situation just in case he doesn't return.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Have you considered the possibility that he may be seeing someone else? Behavior doesn't quite seem to add up quite yet.


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