# Hi. Wife here with husband possibly seeing escorts



## MonWifeInCali (Nov 19, 2019)

:frown2:Hello everyone.

I'm 37 from California. I've been with my husband for a little over 13 years. He has been the only man I have kissed and made love to all 13 years we have been together. I have been good to him. I have 5 kids and the 4 youngest are with my current husband. 

Well let me start where my suspicions started. About 3 years ago I found my husband was looking at more and more porn....ok men and porn not a big deal. My husband drank at the time the lemonaid flavored rockstar's everyday and one time I was sitting in the back seat of his car I found one of those cans with a rippes empty condom wrapper stuck in between the opening of the can. I was kissed, didnt know what to do. He kept saying it wasnt his and it was his friends who is known to sleep around. That was all I found and moved on. A few years ago My kids told me that one day my husband took them to a hotel and had them wait in the car. 

Kids said dad had spoken to a male and female before entering the hotel. He told them not to tell me about this but being kids they told discreetly months later. When I confronted him he told me he was buying marijuana(he is a regular mj smoker) I found it hard to believe because he knows many people in our town who he could have easily got the MJ from. Again I unwillingly listened to excuse and moved forward. 

Well 1 year ago right after our baby was born, one night I went to the livingroom. To check on him...he was drunk passed out on the couch and his phone waa lit up. I picked it up to check it and I found he had actually texted a local escort asking for services....he even asked for any bb? ....i didnt know what BB was and when I googled it...it looks like BB in prostitute and escort language means BARE BACK....unprotected sex no condom use. 

She sent pictures and everything. I blew up on him. He just played dumb like he didnt know why he did that or didnt know what BB meant...i never really got real answers from him but before this I had seen that he was looking at escort sites becauase he said they were on the porn sites he was looking at. Having a week old baby I didnt talk to him for a week. He kept assuring he loves me and is not getting escort services and he was just looking. Move forward to a few days ago. Husband was doing yard work outside when the now 1 year old baby brought me his phone. He had a text message from a friend and I noticed a weird number that said image. I opened it up and bam...pictures from a prostitute. 

Checking phone records he has several incoming and outgoing messagea to this nasty lady. He has been deleting them all and I'm not sure why these few pictures were left. He has deleted everything he written her. But a selfie he sent her. I googled her phone number and yup it came up under several prostitute escort sites in our own town. I belong disgusted. I haven't actually fought him actually cheat but I just feel like I can't trust him. Its hard we have kids from 12 down to 1 year old. I never imagined my life without him. I haven't confronted him about this last find on his phone because I know he will play dumb again. 

Instead I'm watching him And his phone usage since I know the bookers phone # . I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid on stds....im afraid to actually find our he has recieved services from bookers. I'm at a loss right now. Some advice will be greatly appreciated. What should I do at this point? How would a part time working mother make ends meet divorced? What evidence should I have? Could there be a chance hes just curious ? Idk WTH to do. I put my kids first and I'm worries about them and what our future consists of. Please help with your advice

Thank you
Mom wife in cali


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Just moved your post to Coping With Infidelity.

Please do get an STD check and consult a lawyer.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I am sorry for what you'e going through. I think I am stating the obvious here but your husband is definitely a sex addict. Anyone who has their kids wait in the car while they pay for sex is definitely an addict. I think its likely he has been seeing escorts for years. I don't know your situation, but I can tell you he is unlikely to change. I have seen people get help, but often they have done too much damage in their marriages for their spouses to forgive them. Honestly I am at a loss for words. I think you need to file for divorce, you have enough evidence, if he comes clean and stops gas-lighting you and goes away to rehab maybe you could try and reconcile, but I don't see it happening because once you know the full truth I have a feeling you will want to move on. I actually think you already know the truth.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

MonWifeInCali said:


> :frown2:Hello everyone.
> 
> I haven't actually (ca)ught him actually cheat but I just feel like I can't trust him.
> 
> i


Actually, you have caught him, multiple times.

Your life is at risk. Don't let him touch you. Move on.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Agree with re16 -- YOU DID CATCH HIM, and you are correct, you CAN'T trust him.
I would get with a few lawyers to find out about finances, child custody/support, etc. -- get your plans together.

He thinks you are just going to stick around no matter what. Seeing divorce lawyers MAY wise him up, but I wouldn't count on it.
If you really want to wake him up, take copies of those texts and send them to his parents....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Not only is he a serial cheat and a liar, but he is putting you life and health at risk from STD's. You need to be checked and stop having any more sex with him. 

I have no idea why you would want anything to do with him, get legal advise and see what you will be entitled to financially. He would at least have to pay child support for the children you have had together.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

re16 said:


> Actually, you have caught him, multiple times.


OP, read this single sentence about 200 times.

And those are only the times you *DO* know about. The amount of times he's gotten away with it and wasn't sloppy enough to leave evidence for you to find FAR out-number the times you've caught him. That's a promise.

You really need to stop deluding yourself, don't you think?

Get to a lawyer and find out what a divorce would LOOK like financially for you. He doesn't need to know you've gone. Look around and see if you can find a lawyer who is offering a free half hour or hour consult - some of them do offer that. In either case, just quietly GO and get educated. There's nothing worse than an uninformed betrayed spouse making foolish decisions because they HAVEN'T spoken to a lawyer and don't KNOW what their rights are.

Something tells me Romeo won't want 50/50 custody of your kids because that would probably impede greatly on his precious pot-smoking time and his hooker reindeer games. If he's got 4 kids all under the age of 13 to have to care for - without YOU there to do 90% of the work - it's highly doubtful he'll take that on. And if he doesn't opt for the 50/50 custody option, then he'll likely be paying you child support.

Number #1 is to *call a lawyer and make an appointment.*

Number #2 is to *update your resume* and start looking for full time work.

California is a no fault state but sometimes certain judges in certain circumstances will lean a little more in favor of the betrayed spouse financially, so ask your lawyer about that possibility. But you need to try to become as financially independent on your own as you can.

Number #3 - please *STOP lying to yourself* about who he is. He's a serial cheater who prefers escorts and hookers, and he risks your sexual health _every_ time he cheats on you. That's who you married, OP. You need to stop trying to fool yourself into believing that he's 'just curious' or that you're 'imagining things' and he's never crossed the line. He's crossed the line MORE times than you can imagine.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Not trying to make light of this, but you could say a lady called and wanted him to know she is HIV positive. Look at his face then---

Why did I say this? ---Because it could be the truth. Protect your kids by taking action. You could always ask him to take a polygraph test. Any condoms found could be tested for his DNA. 

Listen to folks--a lawyer will tell you what to do and how to do it and first meeting is cheap or free.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

He's a grown man with children at home that passes out on the couch drunk, regularly smokes pot, and texts escorts. He's clearly gaslighting you. The question isn't whether he is sleeping with hookers. The question is what you are going to do about it. Through no fault of your own, he has put you in a terrible position. 

He has made a mockery of your marriage. He has put your health at risk. He is destroying your family. Is the situation salvageable? That's a decision that only you can make. As others have said, consult with an attorney and understand what your options are. Sadly, divorce is likely your best option based on what you've described.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think there is enough evidence here to make it very likely he is hiring escorts. 

OP - only you can know what you want to do about it. Many people would get a divorce, but the choice is yours. Its 100% his fault, but he isn't going to change, so you have to. 

It is also your choice if you want to live with him. If you do, I recommend that you just tell him he is free to have sex with anyone he wants (because he will anyway) and then for disease safety reasons you should avoid any intimate contact with him.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Sorry you are going through this. 

Get tested for std’s. 

One thing you can do. Tell your husband since he opened up the marriage by seeing the escorts that you will start dating as well. See what his reaction is. If he claims he has done nothing then tell him to prove it. 

Get a voice activated recorder and place it in his car. Normal under the seat. 

Check into a polygraph and decide if you want to do this. Do not tell your husband anything about doing it. If you decide to, set it up and driver your husband there. Then tell him what is up in the parking lot. If he refuses to take it then you have your answer on if he has or not.


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## MonWifeInCali (Nov 19, 2019)

Thank you. I tried posting there but it would not let me


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## MonWifeInCali (Nov 19, 2019)

Thank you very much. You have given me some really good tips on how to move forward.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@MonWifeInCali -- please continue to come here for help -- MANY folks here have gone through what you are going through and can help you. You can even just vent here if you want. Do you have support in real life? Lean on your family/friends during this time also.
Take care of yourself and your kids (eating/exercise/sleep/etc.) and get your plans together.


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## Conejita (Jun 21, 2019)

Google all the blocked numbers on a escort review site. Also place an ad of your own. Browse the online hoop up sites. If you say anything they go comepletely under ground. And the heavy gas lighting starts. They rarely ever go from that much variety to just one woman again. They were messed up to begin with so you can really reason with them. If the volunteer to to go to a program and this and that maybe? But relapses are also a occurrence


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I think you have enough evidence, why have this man in your life? What kind of father brings their kids and leaves them outside a hotel while he does God only knows. See a lawyer, find out your options and start planning your exit. You deserve better.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It's not uncommon to turn a blind eye when there are small children involved. It just seems too overwhelming to have to deal with and is just easier to convince yourself that it's 'not as bad as you feared.'

Nonetheless, you are dealing with a pathological cheater and liar and you are the only one in the dark. How does that make you feel? No doubt his friends know how he lives his life. You are the clueless one who takes tip-of-the-iceberg discoveries and makes excuses that will allow you to stay.

You are in danger of contracting terrible diseases. Some of these have no symptoms until it is too late. HPV is one that can cause cancer, has no symptoms, and can be passed on even with a condom. If you are infected while pregnant, your unborn child can contract something life-threatening.

He is lying to you. You need to stop lying to yourself. Talk to a lawyer and start making plans to be on your own. He is not husband or father material.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He is a liar, a cheater, a drug abuser, a drunk... WHY in the world would you want to keep him? What a disgusting example for your kids! As someone else said, you HAVE caught him several times... can you even imagine how many more times there have been that you HAVENT caught?? He could be giving you all kinds of nasty diseases from this, things that can cause you serious health issues... what kind of man puts his wife at risk like that?? File for divorce and take him for every penny.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> He is a liar, a cheater, a drug abuser, a drunk... WHY in the world would you want to keep him? What a disgusting example for your kids! As someone else said, you HAVE caught him several times... *can you even imagine how many more times there have been that you HAVENT caught??* He could be giving you all kinds of nasty diseases from this, things that can cause you serious health issues... what kind of man puts his wife at risk like that?? File for divorce and take him for every penny.


Agreed:










You only know the tip of the iceberg


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## custommultirotor (Feb 13, 2018)

MonwifeinCali, 
I'll say this, Just when I think I have heard or seen it all, someone new comes along with some crazy crap. Look at your profile picture, and HES going out to ESCORTS? What the heck is wrong with these men? I dont get it. Really, I don't and I'm a man. A Gorgeous wife at home and he wants to pay to get laid by a skank. wow. just wow. 

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

So sorry this is happening. While i understand that you are frightened right now, you are going to have to channel some of that into ANGER.
As a mom you should be furious that:
He left your babies alone in a car while he indulged himself
He possibly put your babies at risk for serious life altering STIsduring childbirth 
He is a poor role model for a new generation 

You worry about making it alone. Dont let fear make you stay. Your children are better off with a single mom who loves them and protects them than an “intact” family such as this one.
I know that you dont want to be here, dont want this to be true. But it is.
Get out of your head and into your life.
Please get tested for STIs. Immediately. HPV is one of your concerns. It can cause cervical cancer and can be passed to your children during birth.
How dare he!
Stop having sex with this man immediately. 
Please see a lawyer as suggested. Right away.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Agreed, anymore evidence is needless to you. The time is here and your future is at the crossroads. Do not think why but when, you can be rid of that loser. You can do it! The unknown is what is tough. 

If you had no children, and found this out what would you do? Hopefully leave. The same applies to this. Why would you? Not. Good advice has been given to you, and there is a life without this poor poor excuse of a man and husband.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

It is just so disgusting me that he brought your kids to wait in the car for him as he sleeps with a prostitute. That was incredibly dangerous and confusing for them. He's a terrible father on top of being a terrible husband and he's putting them and you in danger with this crap.

I live in a very seedy little city. I had to move here for my husband's job so I see prostitutes out on the street corner frequently. What I can tell you is that girl he saw with the kids was almost certainly addicted to hard drugs. Probably heroin. The guy probably isn't her pimp. He's probably a junkie too and is keeping her company as she does her work. Maybe even her boyfriend who is benefiting from the drug money she earns. They would have been meeting at a cheap, seedy hotel/motel where it WOULD NOT be safe to leave the kids in the car. Did he leave his keys there too? They could have been car jacked by someone desperate to get a fix at knife point. This wasn't just bad judgement. This was severely dangerous for your kids and any number of things could have happened that could harm or traumatize them. This alone is worth ending your marriage over and I believe you really should go to a divorce attorney and give them this information because it will affect custody and it will be something he will do again if it is not addressed and punished whether you stay married to him or not.

Get an STD test. He has already moved on to not using a condom with them. These aren't classy escorts who only meet at the Hilton and get regular STD tests. These are bottom of the barrel, dirt cheap junkies he's seeing. DO NOT sleep with him again. Not now. Possibly not ever again if you can't ensure 110% he is clean and not seeing any one else with hard proof. Your life depends on it. HPV (which can cause aggressive cervical cancer) and HIV are HUGE concerns for you so you cannot slip up and leave this to chance. While condoms make it less likely for you to catch it, they don't rule out the possibility completely. You are better off remaining celibate.

Get an IC for yourself. I'm honestly surprised that you didn't blow everything up after he so obviously brought your kids on a sketchy sexcapade. I love my husband to pieces but I would be seeing a lawyer so fast he'd get whiplash if he ever pulled that with me. You need someone to reinforce your gut feelings because so far, they've been right but you've allowed your husband to sweet talk you out of the truth multiple times now. You're going to need support from an IC while you confront him over this and likely end your marriage because of this. Additionally, reach out to friends, family members, whoever you want and tell them EVERYTHING. Don't keep his dirty secrets for him. Let them support you and guide you. They will definitely be on Team You and will see you through a divorce.


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