# Do nice guys really finish last?



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Here goes a thread where woman actually prefer the "nice or good" guy to the "bad boy". They identify that the "nice or good" guy is good for them and the "bad boy" is not.

The Truth About Nice Guys and Finishing Last


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

With an emotionally healthy and mature woman,a nice man will find he's always going to finish in first place.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I prefer a bit of both.

I like a man with morals and good judgement. But I also like a man who isn't afraid to take some risks. I like adventure, but I like security as well.

A healthy balance would be ideal for me.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think in this instance there is a difference between what women say and what they do (or who they do!!!).


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

sadsamiam said:


> i think in this instance there is a difference between what *some*women say and what *some of them*do (or who they do!!!).


fify


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Well I like to finish last unless I am going for it big time then I don't care if I finish first.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> I think in this instance there is a difference between what women say and what they do (or who they do!!!).


One one of the vids the lady what saying she can indentify the "bad boy" archeotype which has been marketed to the masses, and full and well knowing all what comes along with that package, she is not interested.


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

I think like Tracy. Its a happy mix. No woman wants a wimp, but also do not want a ****y ass. There are times to be tender and loving, there are times to put your foot down and stand up and be direct.

Times for being conservative, times to take chances. Balance is key. You just have to know when is the right time for each and be consistent.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Make sure your're talking about guys that really are nice but are still strong men. Many self proclaimed nice guys aren't nice at all; they're passive aggressive, manipulative, and have a set of expectations that they think their so called niceness entitles them to, a and when it doesn't pan out they get angry. They're not nice, they're manipulative and self serving. A truly nice guy that's also a real man will be much appreciated.
And I would ask if men really want a nice woman? Many men will b!tch that women don't appreciate a nice guy, but they themselves have a very specific list (usually physical traits) of what they demand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Nice Guys - YouTube

:lol:

Sorry couldn't help myself. This song always get's stuck in my head. It's hilarious!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Make sure your're talking about guys that really are nice but are still strong men. Many self proclaimed nice guys aren't nice at all; they're passive aggressive, manipulative, and have a set of expectations that they think their so called niceness entitles them to, a and when it doesn't pan out they get angry. They're not nice, they're manipulative and self serving. A truly nice guy that's also a real man will be much appreciated.
> And I would ask if men really want a nice woman? Many men will b!tch that women don't appreciate a nice guy, but they themselves have a very specific list (usually physical traits) of what they demand.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd love and appreciate a nice woman. Nice doesn't mean weak or that she's not self sufficient, it doesn't mean she's not together.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

treyvion said:


> I'd love and appreciate a nice woman. Nice doesn't mean weak or that she's not self sufficient, it doesn't mean she's not together.



Of course, that's why I said a genuinely nice guy that's also a real man, meaning self sufficient and sh!t together. In my mind nice means one that treats others decently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

treyvion said:


> Here goes a thread where woman actually prefer the "nice or good" guy to the "bad boy". They identify that the "nice or good" guy is good for them and the "bad boy" is not.
> 
> The Truth About Nice Guys and Finishing Last


Ironic video. She's "nice guys don't finish last" then spends the whole freaking thing explaining why nice guys do finish last. :scratchhead:


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Racer said:


> Ironic video. She's "nice guys don't finish last" then spends the whole freaking thing explaining why nice guys do finish last. :scratchhead:


I'm pretty sure she called the one who finish last "pathetic guy"


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Racer said:


> Ironic video. She's "nice guys don't finish last" then spends the whole freaking thing explaining why nice guys do finish last. :scratchhead:


"He fell for the wrong girl, when there is another waiting in the wings for 'the nice guy'"


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

treyvion said:


> I'm pretty sure she called the one who finish last "pathetic guy"


 Yes, she did...
Also note she said 'your hands have to get dirty'. "you should not be clingy", insinuated that you never want to be more invested in a relationship than the other person, don't buy lavish gifts, don't be the first to call or text, and on and on. 

Since the topic was 'nice guys' I assume she is talking about what she envisions a nice guy to be = pathetic clingy guy trying to nice his way in by being a doormat. 

So she never described what this winner nice guy is, just what he isn't. There's the problem. She described some nice guy traits as bad, but never once gave an example of a nice guy who comes in first beyond some really cheezy made for nickelodeon movie reference... like that's real world.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I did not see anywhere that she: 
"spends the whole freaking thing explaining why nice guys do finish last".

She said that nice guy does not equal pathetic guy. Simply being a kind person does not automatically make any person attractive to every other person. 

Simply the fact that some woman may be attracted to an A-hole does not mean nice guys finish last. But certainly niceness is not the only quality women are attracted to.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Racer said:


> Yes, she did...
> Also note she said 'your hands have to get dirty'. "you should not be clingy", insinuated that you never want to be more invested in a relationship than the other person, don't buy lavish gifts, don't be the first to call or text, and on and on.
> 
> Since the topic was 'nice guys' I assume she is talking about what she envisions a nice guy to be = pathetic clingy guy trying to nice his way in by being a doormat.
> ...


I went through it again, and your right. She alluded to at many times you should be competitive, but she is a very young babe and might not appreciate a nice man who knows what he has to offer without a chip on his shoulder.

It's obvious they can turn on you quickly so you need to have confidence in your confidence, lol.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> I did not see anywhere that she:
> "spends the whole freaking thing explaining why nice guys do finish last".
> 
> She said that nice guy does not equal pathetic guy. Simply being a kind person does not automatically make any person attractive to every other person.
> ...


Women may even realize they are repeatedly attracted to A-hole, and over the years he wears her down until she just can't do it anymore.

The same thing happens to some of the men.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

It also isn’t gender specific. The fake boobed trashy bimbo gets more guys. But if you ask those guys what kind of girl they’d want to marry, they’ll say the ‘girl next door’. 

Thing is, they only pursue the bimbo when faced with options. Funny me that you’ll never find what you don’t actively look for. Same thing happens to 'nice guys'. Women tend to pick the trashy ones first who wreak of sexual prowess.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Niceness and competitive are two different things. You can be both a nice person and be competitive.

I don't understand really what this is about? 
I like nice women but I have ignored some nice women that for whatever reason I was not attracted to. That does not mean that nice women finish last.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Racer said:


> It also isn’t gender specific. The fake boobed trashy bimbo gets more guys. But if you ask those guys what kind of girl they’d want to marry, they’ll say the ‘girl next door’.
> 
> Thing is, they only pursue the bimbo when faced with options. Funny me that you’ll never find what you don’t actively look for. Same thing happens to 'nice guys'. Women tend to pick the trashy ones first who wreak of sexual prowess.


I agree. Many of them admit just for a late night sex, they just want to have the sex and get it over with. You go to your house, I go to my house. The guys who look like they are good for that are good for that. They'd be scared of a nice man "catching feelings".


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> Niceness and competitive are two different things. You can be both a nice person and be competitive.
> 
> I don't understand really what this is about?
> I like nice women but I have ignored some nice women that for whatever reason I was not attracted to. That does not mean that nice women finish last.


Nice women make my c0ck super hard, don't know why. But after dealing with ball busters and having them wear me to a nub, this is how I am today. Nice women can be super attractive too. They can also have alot going on for themself. A nice woman might be thoughtful for what feels good for you as a man. So you gain masculinity instead of having it stripped or at a standstill for dealing with her.

With a nice woman you will be able to take the lead and it doesn't screw with her alpha have to be in charge thing, because she doesn't.

She may think of thoughtful and loving guestures to do for you and ways to communicate to you.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Here's another good article about "nice guys":

The Problem With "Nice Guys" | Paging Dr. NerdLove


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

treyvion said:


> I agree. Many of them admit just for a late night sex, they just want to have the sex and get it over with. You go to your house, I go to my house. The guys who look like they are good for that are good for that. They'd be scared of a nice man "catching feelings".


Also gets into your confidence thing. Confidence is attractive. Thing is, confidence isn’t so black and white. I am confident in a ton of areas, however, not confident at all when it comes to meeting new people, particularly ones I’d be interested in something more than just friends. So, women (and men) tend to pick up on that. 

Those that wreak of that kind of confidence also tend to have the most success in that area. So they are the bimbos.... And it’s how a lot of us ‘nice folks’ get sucked into horrible relationships. Those bimbo’s approached us. They are good at making you feel your shyness or whatever is incredibly attractive and sets you above the bar flies. They ‘see something in you’ and it is terribly alluring. They make it so easy for you to fall for them and do things just for the ego stroking. Both men and women are sucked in and seduced like this.

I didn't find my girl next door. I was seduced by a party girl and like female counterparts, somehow thought my sh1t was magic enough to change her into a model wife.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Racer said:


> Also gets into your confidence thing. Confidence is attractive. Thing is, confidence isn’t so black and white. I am confident in a ton of areas, however, not confident at all when it comes to meeting new people, particularly ones I’d be interested in something more than just friends. So, women (and men) tend to pick up on that.
> 
> Those that wreak of that kind of confidence also tend to have the most success in that area. So they are the bimbos.... And it’s how a lot of us ‘nice folks’ get sucked into horrible relationships. Those bimbo’s approached us. They are good at making you feel your shyness or whatever is incredibly attractive and sets you above the bar flies. They ‘see something in you’ and it is terribly alluring. They make it so easy for you to fall for them and do things just for the ego stroking. Both men and women are sucked in and seduced like this.
> 
> I didn't find my girl next door. I was seduced by a party girl and like female counterparts, somehow thought my sh1t was magic enough to change her into a model wife.


Some of the confidence some of the "bad boys" that some of them fall for is that "stupid confidence", you know the confidence which is due to ignorance, don't even know why you should be confident, just an abundance of it. Some of them guys are dumb, don't know how they can listen to their minds.

The same with some of the bimbo females.

Are you still with the party girl or did you get past it?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Maybe if nice guys pursued nice girls instead of bad girls, they'd have more luck in love?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

This is a complex dynamic. Ironic that on TAM there a sexless or sexually unsatisfying marriages in which the self described high or normal drive husband believes that the marriage was bait and switch, i.e., sex life was good but fell off after marriage and children.

Some of these mismatches may be because the wives have some borderline personality disorder. However, some may have turned out this way because the man appeared to be confident, decisive and alpha, but later turned out to a much weaker character, perhaps because they were weaker to start or because circumstances knocked them off their feet.

Is it fair to say some men also bait and switch?

Niceness in either gender has multiple implications. Some nice people who who have door mat tendencies toughen up over time. Some alpha type weaken. Integrity, intelligence, judgment, etc. can make a man or woman stronger over time. 

What was frustrating for me as a young man was the lack of a sound model for what masculine behavior should be. I suppose for women there are more models because women are more in tune with listening to what other women say. The plethora of women's magazines in comparison to what publishers produce for men shows that there is much more advice on offer.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Faithful Wife said:


> Maybe if nice guys pursued nice girls instead of bad girls, they'd have more luck in love?


It’s a good article for that kind of guy you linked, but I don’t see that as a nice guy.

A nice guy, as I think is most commonly used, is simply a man that treats others nicely and with respect. He doesn’t talk behind your back, spread rumors, or isn’t about leverage. He’s just “nice”. The kind of guy your parents would love.

I had girl friendships. And I had girlfriends. There was a difference and they knew this. A girl friendship wouldn’t involve making out in the back seat and a girlfriend certainly wouldn’t be going out with others like that article with me pining away in the background.

Where most nice guys have a problem (beyond the approach), is how to go from that kiss to second base and beyond. A lot of it, I blame on the female gender. You like to play this game called “I am not a wh0re”. There are rules and they get more complex with the ‘nicer girls’... X many dates, aligning planets, and menstrual cycles (obviously I have not figured out this game yet ). 

Being the gentleman that I am, and because I like you and want to be with you, I don’t pressure or just break it off there. Enter the quote from that article I loved; it becomes a grind-y MMO quest line. I want to have sex with you but no idea how to get there or go beyond platonic friends. You are a nice girl and also won’t make the move. It ends with me breaking up and starting to date someone a bit more trashy and less complex... 

I’m still with my party girl.... though at 47 she’s not so party or girlish anymore... And yes, there was bait and switch (and my wife would say the same). 

The bait and switch has a lot to do with prior relationships and what we learned. For her, she learned sex hooks a man. But she was tired of being used. She knew me from grade school and the ‘nice guy’ I was; "safe" and not "abusive". She did what she does to snag a man. A ring was like a trophy and conclusion to having to do that.

And me. Failure after failure to land a good relationship. So, I learned to chameleon. I listened to what you liked, and just sort of started being like that hoping you’d like me. The ring too was a trophy of sorts for me. I won. Now I can shift into ‘husband’ and whatever I thought you wanted me to be as a husband. Boyfriend Racer wasn’t the same as Husband Racer because those were two different roles in my head of what I should be to ‘make you happy’ and love me.

Her and I weren't so different. We both were trying to be what we thought the other wanted.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Racer...in your post above this one, you said: "I was seduced by a party girl and like female counterparts, somehow thought my sh1t was magic enough to change her into a model wife."

Which is cool, and is very self-aware.

Yet it also makes my point: you were willing to be self-deluded just to have sex with a bad girl.

Which is the same thing men complain about women doing to be with a bad boy.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Faithful Wife said:


> Racer...in your post above this one, you said: "I was seduced by a party girl and like female counterparts, somehow thought my sh1t was magic enough to change her into a model wife."
> 
> Which is cool, and is very self-aware.
> 
> ...


I wasn't self-deluded anywhere in there into having sex with a bad girl. That was the fun part . I sought out a tramp and found one because I couldn't solve the 'nice girl' puzzle.. Where I screwed up is even understanding I had a bad girl was believing that if I married her it would change her DNA and who she was into something different.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes Racer...I understood that. And that is exactly what men complain about women doing when they hook up with a bad boy that then cheats on them.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I think guys that are too nice lose their appeal to me. I don't need a guy to cater to me and kiss the ground I walk on. I need a partner. That means he has to be willing to get his hands dirty and communicate and negotiate. 

Whatever I say does NOT always go. A man needs to have boundaries. 

I am not going to waste my time with someone trying to guess whether or not they are just saying things to please me. 

I'm a big girl. I can handle the occasional "no"


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Of course, that's why I said a genuinely nice guy that's also a real man, meaning self sufficient and sh!t together. In my mind nice means one that treats others decently.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Let's see... 

Genuinely nice guy - check
Self sufficient - always
Real Man (tm) - from landscaping to drywall to painting to exp / cog psych and great income, check check check
Sh!t together - always 
Manipulative - is there any other way?
Passive aggressive - not if you're good at manipulating others
Cold calculating - check
Mature - you're kidding right?

Nice and bad are context related. If you're always nice you're generally a doormat. This can be avoided of you're clairvoyant or calculating...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I have to agree that nice guys do get used and finish last.

In my complex, there are old ladies, almost senior's and they love to get you to do things for them, free, and that's when they're nice to you, otherwise, nada.

If I was a nice guy with my wife all the time, she would get bored and start telling me what to do, etc. I have a bit of a mean streak and I take no crap, short temper a bit and this adds to our marriage because deep down, she likes that more than just a nice guy.

There's a female co-worker that is horrible and unless you stand up to her, she will use you and walk all over you, because you're a nice guy to her.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I have to agree that nice guys do get used and finish last.
> 
> In my complex, there are old ladies, almost senior's and they love to get you to do things for them, free, and that's when they're nice to you, otherwise, nada.
> 
> ...


That's just so dysfunctional to me.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> That's just so dysfunctional to me.


It is. Thing is, if you learned that it works and you can get your way throwing tantrums and berating someone to the point where it’s easier to pacify you by doing it than endure (or lose it with you), they tend to continue to do this. Bully types.

And because a nice guy hates conflict, tries to pacify situations, and are (to steal from Thomas the Train) “very useful engines”, we tend to attract that kind of person because we don’t fight back as hard as the a-hole. We make wonderful household family pets because of our temperaments. The dopey drooling thing that is eager to please and tucks his tail when he’s bad. Doesn’t mean we won’t pee on your floor though; We just do it when you aren’t right there and we’re upset.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Here goes a thread where woman actually prefer the "nice or good" guy to the "bad boy". They identify that the "nice or good" guy is good for them and the "bad boy" is not.
> 
> The Truth About Nice Guys and Finishing Last


Nice people in general "finish last" the men who rule the world and the elites in every society are by and large aggressive, really intelligent and not restricted by traditional moral values. In addition not many of those men are players let alone get tons of women. Studies have shown people in high political power are not only extremely intelligent but they also tend to have similar traits that many people with anti personality disorder have. Also I would like to say that smart manipulative people end up coming out on top in life everywhere and end up in positions where they can harm and have power over the "alphas". When it comes to bedding a lot of women your looks and personality are key, but I feel you can be really good looking and bad or really good looking and nice and the nice guy will be more liked.

"Nice guys" who complain about the way it is are often very passive and lack confidence which makes anyone male or female less desirable. Thays just the way it is. People are attracted to success and confidence
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

The way nice is being phrased in this thread is an extreme version and is depicting an unhealthy individual with psychological issues who allows himself to be taken advantage of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Nature balances things out quite well. Maybe I'd die in battle against a superb alpha specimen in the old ages but today I would yield my wisdom, knowledge, and superior intellect against any alpha out there.


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## gumtree (Jun 1, 2013)

This thread makes me think of 3 men I know:

1) Nice guy, good looking, smart, moral and sweet natured, fixes things around the house but can't stand up to his woman, no boundaries. He wants to please her but has no idea how, because what SHE wants is him to push back sometimes. He's a bit passionless. Selfless. So he just gets pushed around by his harpy of a wife. 

2) Bad boy player. Sexy as hell, athletic, charming and not very bright. Fun to be around but not 'boyfriend/husband material' to any woman with an ounce of instincts. His body is open day, while his heart is nothing BUT boundaries, probably because he's a hot mess of insecurity in his own way. He's a friend and I enjoy his company but see all his tricks, its such a performance. I just shake my head seeing heartbroken girls who should have known better come and go. He's all passion and no substance. Utterly selfish.

3) A strong silent type. A people-observer with a great sense of humour, very funny once you know him. A strong sense of self and who he wants to be, having come from a difficult background. Hardworking and sweet beyond belief to the woman he loves, yet puts his foot down when it matters (and sometimes just for the heck of it) so is respected by her too and she feels secure. He has insecurities like anyone, but doesn't define himself by them. Passion, but with hearty substance too. Selfless as needed, but no doormat.

Number 3 is the pick of the bunch, and he is neither "Nice Guy" nor "Bad Boy". He is in a class of his own. Why cant we all (women too) be both?


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Because people are not perfect.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Nice guys finish last because they are generally too careful and do not take the necessary risks to get the women.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Or maybe because they do careful risk reward analysis and realize that the Expected Mean Value of the relationship is not worth the effort...

 optional


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

You can do risk-reward analysis and not be a nice guy. By taking a few risks, you can obtain more information and better information in order to decide to be in the relationship or not. You have to have the confidence to expose yourself a bit. Always playing it safe and secure will yield to mostly nonextraordinary results.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Bring it on....


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Here goes a thread where woman actually prefer the "nice or good" guy to the "bad boy". They identify that the "nice or good" guy is good for them and the "bad boy" is not.
> 
> The Truth About Nice Guys and Finishing Last


depends on the definition of "finish" to me. If it means having the option of being a lifetime as living as a very devoted person, who tries to improve all the time, never wants to hurt his spouse or children, only love and protect them, and is given the respect and love he deserves in return then that nice guy finishes first IMO.

If she decides the trainer is going to be great in bed and tries him out, then no, I think the nice guy is not finishing first. 
I don't respect the trainer either enough to say he is finishing first either, I think the only winners there would be the courts, lawyers, and therapists that rake it in.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

tyler1978 said:


> You can do risk-reward analysis and not be a nice guy. By taking a few risks, you can obtain more information and better information in order to decide to be in the relationship or not. You have to have the confidence to expose yourself a bit. Always playing it safe and secure will yield to mostly nonextraordinary results.



In this day and age much of the information needed about populations and individuals is available online. Take the simple case of college dating.. You see this girl in your such and such class and get interested. The nice guy approach would be to roll over for her, the alpha guy may do the muscle car and booze party routine, while the calculating guy may look her up on the social media or other public info sources and decide if it's worth the effort.

Try dating a girl when you have near zero information about her and her culture and it's basically Vegas odds. Sure, by stereotyping you may miss out on the diamond in the rough but in general probability is your friend. 

Having said this I dated three Asian women in college from different parts of Asia and ended up marrying #3. Unfortunately it was years later that I got to understand what damage growing up in a theocracy (#3) does to one's head... #1 was the most resisting of the bunch growing up in a rather restricted country with heavy religious overtones, never dated much and never married - and #2 was the most, ehem, liberated coming from a very open country ended up using her charms to lure in a guy years younger than her plus an awesome job... 

To this day I feel I should have focused much more on #1


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

john117 said:


> In this day and age much of the information needed about populations and individuals is available online. Take the simple case of college dating.. You see this girl in your such and such class and get interested. The nice guy approach would be to roll over for her, the alpha guy may do the muscle car and booze party routine, while the calculating guy may look her up on the social media or other public info sources and decide if it's worth the effort.
> 
> Try dating a girl when you have near zero information about her and her culture and it's basically Vegas odds. Sure, by stereotyping you may miss out on the diamond in the rough but in general probability is your friend.
> 
> ...


I think that #1 would be a LD, all of the clues are there. Did she show any indication of a strong libido?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

LD I'm afraid. Card carrying LD... Never even dated anyone else in college from what I remember. From what I've seen in Facebook nobody current or past either. Ironically she works in the same company as my wife but in a different locale, and ironically she may be called upon to help my wife transfer to her location. It's kind of funny how we (me and all 3) all went to the same school but different majors, and still keep in touch...

#2 was quite the vixen till one of my friends spotted her driver license and saw she's 5+ years older than all of us. She really charmed her way to undergrad and grad school, then to a number of jobs, and a hubby years younger. They are quite happy actually. Definitely not LD  she has her hubby eating out of her hand, he's a big time techno-nerd who adopted Asian culture.

#3 exhibited all the symptoms of a liberated repressed sexuality person. While she loved to party she never really involved into a relationship. The fact that she was drop dead gorgeous and had her own apartment and car in college made her very desirable . Tho we started slow we really heated it up after a few months. No LD there. We moved together a few months later and got married right after I started working and she was in grad school. No LD there either for 25 years...

I don't think I finished last or first or anything. We had 25 good years together, but then a series of unfortunate events did us in... I've often thought what it would have been like if I had gone along with #1 or #2... I don't think it would have turned out much different.

Maybe I should not have focused so much on Asian women :rofl:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Racer said:


> It is. Thing is, if you learned that it works and you can get your way throwing tantrums and berating someone to the point where it’s easier to pacify you by doing it than endure (or lose it with you), they tend to continue to do this. Bully types.
> 
> And because a nice guy hates conflict, tries to pacify situations, and are (to steal from Thomas the Train) “very useful engines”, we tend to attract that kind of person because we don’t fight back as hard as the a-hole. We make wonderful household family pets because of our temperaments. The dopey drooling thing that is eager to please and tucks his tail when he’s bad. Doesn’t mean we won’t pee on your floor though; We just do it when you aren’t right there and we’re upset.



Exactly correct!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

john117 said:


> LD I'm afraid. Card carrying LD... Never even dated anyone else in college from what I remember. From what I've seen in Facebook nobody current or past either. Ironically she works in the same company as my wife but in a different locale, and ironically she may be called upon to help my wife transfer to her location. It's kind of funny how we (me and all 3) all went to the same school but different majors, and still keep in touch...
> 
> #2 was quite the vixen till one of my friends spotted her driver license and saw she's 5+ years older than all of us. She really charmed her way to undergrad and grad school, then to a number of jobs, and a hubby years younger. They are quite happy actually. Definitely not LD  she has her hubby eating out of her hand, he's a big time techno-nerd who adopted Asian culture.
> 
> ...


My older woman loved taking care of her younger man, sex drive or not she was going to make sure I was taken care of. This was only 3 years older too.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Here goes a thread where woman actually prefer the "nice or good" guy to the "bad boy". They identify that the "nice or good" guy is good for them and the "bad boy" is not.
> 
> The Truth About Nice Guys and Finishing Last


You know that saying that men want, "a lady in public, a ***** in the bedroom."

As a woman I want the same thing in a man. "Nice guy in public, bad boy in the bedroom."

I am not married to one though. He is nice 24/7.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

where_are_we said:


> You know that saying that men want, "a lady in public, a ***** in the bedroom."
> 
> As a woman I want the same thing in a man. "Nice guy in public, bad boy in the bedroom."
> 
> I am not married to one though. He is nice 24/7.


You better tell him something!


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

:i


tracyishere said:


> I think guys that are too nice lose their appeal to me. I don't need a guy to cater to me and kiss the ground I walk on. I need a partner. That means he has to be willing to get his hands dirty and communicate and negotiate.
> 
> Whatever I say does NOT always go. A man needs to have boundaries.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

but I married a nice guy. And I have found that I lost some respect and appeal for him.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I just had to resurrect this thread to post this pic.:rofl:


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

The funny thing is, although I am no marine biologist that looks like a basking shark to me.
And they are pretty much the big lumbering good guy.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

There are two types of nice guy.

One is a man with a good heart, and is prepared to act on it for the benefit of others. If things do not work out, he will concern himself with the next thing in life rather than feeling sorry for himself. He is typically very popular, well liked and self assured (as this attitude is a demonstration of great self respect and self confidence)

The other is guy who is obsessed with being him being the good guy and trys to enure he deserves better. When things do not work out in his favour, he whines, feels sorry for himself and declares he is going to be mean as being nice did not get him what he wanted. When someone does something decent for him, he is determined to ensure he is still in credit and that the world owes him.

Being the latter guy does not work out well. The former guy is likely to be found with a big grin on his face and spreading happiness around him. Most men have a bit of both.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Yup, agreed.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I watched that clip... some good stuff she said ...my 2 cents ...

I just like being around Good hearted people... if they don't qualify by the lives they live, the friends they keep, their attitudes with anyone they come into contact with... then I would never want a relationship with such a man...

Character ....honesty... a healthy self awareness ...being looked upon as a decent person from all who know them....and would vouch for them..... this is important to me...

I don't care how HOT a guy is...(that is just a passing fantasy)...... I don't care how much money he makes (money doesn't buy happiness)....I don't care if his HOT ROD turns heads all over town...(maybe he is a show off)... I don't care if his DI** is the biggest & women fall at his feet (all that = is Playboy who loves 'em & leaves 'em)....none of these things would impress me...

I look to see what's inside... what is this man REALLY made of....what are His values....do they match mine.... what is sacred to Him...how does HE define happiness... I go for Honorable men who know how to treat a women like a Lady....who believe in marriage/ family... who does the right thing- even if it may be difficult... who can own up to his mistakes...not make excuses, or blame shift. 

And not a game player... I like it - if they show they want me...and ONLY ME... if I felt they were the emotionally unavailable type...even in the smallest way... or pining elsewhere.... Goodbye!


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