# Not sure he's "The One" anymore...



## papermate1 (Aug 16, 2010)

First of all, I am not married, but I still have a relationship problem. 

When I was younger, I met this guy who never had a real girlfriend. Basically, he was a noobie at relationships. I had already had one and was completely unhappy. After we met, we instantly hit it off and to everyone we were perfect for each other. I gave him all his firsts and he gave me his own set of firsts. It was young love & was truly as innocent as it possibly could get. 

About a year in, we started having sex and it was nothing dirty, but just loving. We were facinated at the idea of us being able to feel like one person immursed in love. Later on that year, things began to change and we fought alot. Mostly about jealousy issues as any young couple does. It became worse and worse and finally he told me he had "liked" someone else. 

For the 5 months we were apart, he had moved on. Had a new girlfriend, had sex with her, told her he loved her, everything that once used to be mine & only mine (since I was his first and only serious girlfriend). I knew he was unhappy as he called every 2 weeks to remind me of his new life, although he knew he made a mistake just only after 2 months. Thinking i'd never take him back, he waited and finally dumped her 5 months in. 

It took me 2 months to mend the relationshpi we once had. And even over a year after, i'm having trouble mending my heart. Slowly everyday it shows more and more the pain eating me away and somehow I doubt more and more whether he's the one. I knew it before we broke up and now i'm not so sure. I want him to be the one, I can't picture myself with anyone else. The pain though...

I know I have to forgive, but how do you forgive? How does the pain of someone easily replacing you go away? How do you know whether they'll stay loyal, just ignore all the factors and jump in? Ignore all the things i'm afraid of is that how you forgive? ..What do i do?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

He called you every two weeks to rub your face in the fact that he had moved on with someone else? Yet you still want him?

I think you both need to mature somewhat. May I ask how old you two are?


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## vertigo (Jun 3, 2010)

Well, first of all, you two had broken up. He moved on, you didn't. YET, he didn't fully move on if he wanted you back...

I don't think he did anything wrong, personally. But if you don't try to forgive and forget, there is no chance.

Ask for knowing if he is "the one..." why do you need to know that right now? And I read somewhere, in "Love Must be Tough,"
that you don't want to be married to someone "you can live with..." you want to marry the person "you can't live without."

I say work on forgiving him by rationalizing what happened. Then check out Love Languages (on the internet) and find out his and yours. Then complete "Emotional Needs Questionnaire" on marriagebuilders.com (free). Trust me- this will only help you and I wish I had done it years ago!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I know you want those old feelings back with this guy but he's a different person now. same face, but he doesnt sound like a very good guy. I think you should move on.


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## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

It's nice to have "firsts" and honestly that is all they are. You first experiences with certain things. That doesn't mean they need to be your only. Most people out there fall in and out of love with several people before they find the one. Maturity has a lot to do with everything. People change as they grow up and you can't force something to be there, when it no longer is. My husband and I grew apart, after being together for 5 years. We were in our prime when we met, and now we've matured, and gone completely separate ways in our maturity. It was best for us to separate and get a divorce because initially we worked, but as time went on, we didn't. That's normal. 

Don't limit yourself. It's not dirty to have additional love relationships in your life, it's simply experience, and that is really what life is all about. Sex is a healthy form of expression when done for the right reason. People hang on to these virginity clauses and it just isn't realistic in relationships where you intend to engage in premarital sex.


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## loveless1 (Aug 16, 2010)

He had to try and be with another... i did same damn thing when i was young broke a good womans heart just to SEE whats out there worse disc i ever made taught me alot about walking in someones elses shoes. young love boy i miss it good luck.


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