# Insecure Husband



## rockmissjess (Mar 1, 2015)

When i met my husband ten years ago he was so confident he used to tell guys if you think you can get her try... cause he KNEW i wouldnt do anything.. now ten years later if i dont answer his phone when hes on his way home from work (because my cell phone sucks doesnt get calls and texts sometimes) he will come in through the back door yelling where is he? im like where is who? my husband has become REALLY jealous... and i dont know what to do about it.. it pisses me off... please help... if you have had a husband who was super self confident and ****y even.. to insecure..


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Does he display any other abusive behavior? Because what he is doing is controlling and abusive. 

He might justify it and say he can't help it, that it's your fault. But he is in control of his own actions and he knows what he's doing. 

Maybe he's cheating himself and that is why he treats you so poorly. Just a thought.

Here is a great Blog to read
http://lundybancroft.blogspot.com.au/
The author of that book is a man who has worked with abusive men for decades and has written other books that are really helpful. 

http://www.goodreads.com/work/quote...inside-the-minds-of-angry-and-controlling-men

This one is really well priced on amazon Kindle. You can download the kindle ap for free if you have an ipad, and the book is just over $10.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sounds like he may have recently had an affair or is having one, and he is projecting his guilt onto you.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

When did you notice a change? It seems odd that he go from being really secure to insecure and jealous. Have you talked with him about this and if you have what does he say?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

rockmissjess said:


> When i met my husband ten years ago he was so confident he used to tell guys if you think you can get her try... cause he KNEW i wouldnt do anything.. now ten years later if i dont answer his phone when hes on his way home from work (because my cell phone sucks doesnt get calls and texts sometimes) he will come in through the back door yelling where is he? im like where is who? my husband has become REALLY jealous... and i dont know what to do about it.. it pisses me off... please help... if you have had a husband who was super self confident and ****y even.. to insecure..


Was this a slow steady change or just BOOM...changed?

Has someone he knows had to deal with infidelity recently?

Because this sounds like a significant switch in his personality.

How is your relationship otherwise? Have you guys been unable to spend time together?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

If my partner greeted me after work by coming through the door yelling "Where is he?!" I would tell him to go pound sand, and that would be the end of any relationship with him.

You should not tolerate this immature insecurity and abuse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you? 

We do need to know when this change in him happened.

Was it right after you married him? Or more recently.

Did it escalate over time?

Of did he just suddenly change one day?

How old are the two of you? 

Is he now a basically angry person? Does he yell about other things too?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Something had to have happened between then and now.

I'm a guy that doesn't get overly jealous. It has to be a blatant act of disrespect or crossing of boundaries for me to get worked up.

So I can relate to how your husband was in the beginning and know that if he is the way he is now, something happened, whether it be on your end or on his.

Not enough info to go on here. Do you have any insight as to why you think he went from very secure to not at all?


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## rockmissjess (Mar 1, 2015)

im 27 he is 30... its been gradual over time... becoming jealous... before we were married we were on and off for the first 5 years... during that time one of our breaks i slept with is best friend.. need to say they are no longer speaking.. even to this day.. i think thats when it started getting worse and has just been downhill since with the jealousy issues.... oh and to be completely honest here... for 6 months we were stupid a few years back and did meth.. (i know i know) and when that happened it seriously kicked in his crazy jealousy like BIG TIME... once we quit that crap... he wasnt as crazy jealous but still super jealous.. its like during that time his jealousy inside him went into overdrive and has been since... 

um our relationship otherwise? we are great! we dont fight that often.. have sex weekly... as for changes in his appearance.. hes not gained weight but god knows he wish he could... but he has had alot of teeth issues and has had 5 pulled in the last 2 years.... 
I have reassured him that im here to stay forever! i wouldnt make a vow (a promise) to him and god to stay with him forever if i wouldnt (i have serious views about marriage) 
i let him check my phone and emails and facebook anytime he wishes.. im not doing anything so i dont care? 
im naturally a very sexual person and he only gives it up once a week or so... hes not in the mood most the time  which sucks.. for me.. i also cannot orgasm. not because of him just because i cant.. 
No hes not naturally a angry person.. hes really most the time mellow... does he yell alot.. well we have 3 kids i cant say i dont yell at least once a day so i cant say he doesnt either... 
does he yell at me? no. 
does he abuse me? no.

i seriously dont know what to do about him... all the time he makes sny comments about soncho being over... (joking)
and that day he walked through the door yelling where is he... seriously pissed me off....
oh and then this last week he went to my starbucks location to get me a coffee with his best friend for like ever james and my normal lady was like oh i remember you! (his best friend) you were that guy with jess that one day she spilled coffee all over herself.. my husband was like there was a guy with her? shes like yeah? him? dont worry shes not cheating on you.... 

omg he got home and was in such a ronchy mood... that i had a 
guy" in my car that day... its like he totally didnt hear that me and his best friend james both said that was the day i had to take james home... because my husband had to take over for me at my daughters gymnastics so i could get out of my wet coffee stained clothes at home... (james was in the car with my husband) 

i dont know ive tried everything to reassure him that im here to stay and i wouldnt cheat on him. i never have (we were broken up all times i ever did anything with anyone else) i just dont get it... im not like that with him... and i dont understand why he is like that with me...


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

rockmissjess said:


> im 27 he is 30... its been gradual over time... becoming jealous... before we were married we were on and off for the first 5 years... during that time one of our breaks i slept with is best friend.. need to say they are no longer speaking.. even to this day.. i think thats when it started getting worse and has just been downhill since with the jealousy issues.... oh and to be completely honest here... for 6 months we were stupid a few years back and did meth.. (i know i know) and when that happened it seriously kicked in his crazy jealousy like BIG TIME... once we quit that crap... he wasnt as crazy jealous but still super jealous.. its like during that time his jealousy inside him went into overdrive and has been since...
> 
> um our relationship otherwise? we are great! we dont fight that often.. have sex weekly... as for changes in his appearance.. hes not gained weight but god knows he wish he could... but he has had alot of teeth issues and has had 5 pulled in the last 2 years....
> I have reassured him that im here to stay forever! i wouldnt make a vow (a promise) to him and god to stay with him forever if i wouldnt (i have serious views about marriage)
> ...


So, let me get this straight......you both smoked a very mind altering substance for an extended period and now wonder why (at least) he has changed?

Yeah, I am not having such a hard time figuring this one out now that the meth use came out. Sleeping with his best friend was a bad idea too.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

I stopped reading at "slept with his best friend"


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

altawa said:


> So, let me get this straight......you both smoked a very mind altering substance for an extended period and now wonder why (at least) he has changed?
> 
> Yeah, I am not having such a hard time figuring this one out now that the meth use came out. Sleeping with his best friend was a bad idea too.


Agreed. And, are you sure he's not still using? Teeth problems, personality problems......


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