# Husband is a chameleon...



## AgapePanda20 (Nov 10, 2010)

This is the first time I have posted on here...
But I need help.
I have been going to counseling on my own and have even started anti-depressant medication. All because I am in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. 
My husband can change his mood, personality, and voice on the drop of a dime. One minute he is mad at me and then the next he is laughing loudly and joking with a his friends. 
I hadn't told him that I was going to counseling or that I was on medication and when I did (after only a month and a half of keeping it from him because I was too scared of how he would react) he was more angry about me not telling him! I couldn't believe it! He didn't even ask why I was going! 
Then we went to counseling once together and the counselor told him that this was very serious and that when I first came to see her that she seriously considered having me enter in-paitient care. He didn't even blink. No reaction at all. I couldn't believe it! He was just told that his wife couldn've entered in-paitient physiciatric care and he just sat there. 
Then after the session he jsut critized the counselor and said how she just wanted him to tell her what she wanted to hear. That's not true at all. 
Then today was his first day of going to see her by himself. He actually called me to apologize for something he had said this morning. 
I honestly feel that now nothing would change the way I feel. I have lost all trust in him. I have lost all personal respect for him. And he thinks that if he "acts good" for a few days or maybe even weeks that everything will be fine. But we have gone throught that cycle before. He ends up just going back to normal. Short tempered, rude, mean, chaotic.... it is driving me crazy....


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Isn't it sad that the ones who act crazy are they ones who probably need the medication the most, but the ones who live with the crazy behavior are the ones who end up on the medications? 

Anyway, may I ask you what you feel you need to do? Has the counselor given you any suggestions? Obviously your husband has checked out of the marriage.

PS, Sounds like he could be Bipolar or maybe even suffering from BPD. (Borderline Personality Disorder). Both of those issues can be very difficult to live with. Especially if left untreated.


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## kcguy (Nov 15, 2010)

Many men respond to fear with Anger. Most men like in the book mars and venus, want to be able to fix things, your one of them. This is something he can resolved, but he has to accept he's powerless. He's scared. Most men and it's stupid, yes. I am a man, so I know. Have to grow up and get past that dumbass ego and let go. I probably love you a whole whole bunch, but my wife, is a dumbass ego maniace too. They can't express themselves. He's probably going to work it out, just give him some cave time. Just hold on, as you said, he's trying to wrap his mind around what this says about him, his live, his love, his life-that's you too. He doesnt' know what to do and doesn't want to look like a dumbass to his goddess


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## trubie08 (Jan 21, 2011)

I too have been emotionally abused by my hubby. He was very degrading, rude, and mean to me for most of our relationship. One day he would be so sweet and the next he would wake up acting like the biggest jerk. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells with him. It was very stressful. 

Well I think the biggest q for you is if you want it to work? It seems as you do cause you are doing the counseling. I as well am trying to make it work but honeslty think it is too late for my relationship. I no longer respect him and although he has improved so much I know deep down inside how he really feels and thinks. I do not trust him or feel good about him. The only reason I think I am here is for my daughter and the fact that i live comfortably. I dont know what to do myself so I guess I am not that much help but it is nice knowing your not alone.


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

I'm sorry to hear how badly it's affecting you. Firstly, you need to consider if you want to save your marriage, and secondly that can only happen if your husband takes responsibility of what he is doing and will seek help. 

At least your H went to see a counsellor, mine wouldn't even do that. 

Just do what is best for you. Take care x


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