# Bad dreams



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

Sometimes hubby gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He brings his phone with him. This triggers me every single time as he sometimes communicated with OW1 in our bathroom. HE could be looking up baseball scores or scrolling facebook or even having another affair, I don't know.
But it caused me to have a dream in which I am at an event with OW1, her husband, my BFF and hubby. I kept it together but then yelled out wh0re and her husband was enraged with me and told everyone the truth. BFF and I got the heck outta there, BFF said I shouldn't have done that and suddenly, people on FB are commenting that they knew about his affair and that they thought I was brave for doing that. Someone even sent me flowers. Hubby picked me up, said his one friend knew about it before me and I slugged hubby again. This is all a DREAM - a very vivid one. 
When he asked why I was up so early I told him it was a bad dream and he asked was he in it and I just looked at him. 
I'm freaking tired of this. I'm going to tell him the truth. Should he leave his phone in the bedroom while he goes? IDK. Who poops in the middle of the night?
I also asked for more cuddling. See, I have NO IDEA if he's being truthful - about what goes on during the day, how committed he is. I guess he's here. We're together. But shouldn't I feel like I KNOW he wants to be with me?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tell him. Tell him everything about the dream and your fears and what his phone addiction means to you.

He has got to -and I rarely use this term- man up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

stephscarlett said:


> Sometimes hubby gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He brings his phone with him. This triggers me every single time as he sometimes communicated with OW1 in our bathroom. HE could be looking up baseball scores or scrolling facebook or even having another affair, I don't know.
> But it caused me to have a dream in which I am at an event with OW1, her husband, my BFF and hubby. I kept it together but then yelled out wh0re and her husband was enraged with me and told everyone the truth. BFF and I got the heck outta there, BFF said I shouldn't have done that and suddenly, people on FB are commenting that they knew about his affair and that they thought I was brave for doing that. Someone even sent me flowers. Hubby picked me up, said his one friend knew about it before me and I slugged hubby again. This is all a DREAM - a very vivid one.
> When he asked why I was up so early I told him it was a bad dream and he asked was he in it and I just looked at him.
> I'm freaking tired of this. I'm going to tell him the truth. Should he leave his phone in the bedroom while he goes? IDK. Who poops in the middle of the night?
> I also asked for more cuddling. See, I have NO IDEA if he's being truthful - about what goes on during the day, how committed he is. I guess he's here. We're together. But shouldn't I feel like I KNOW he wants to be with me?


I would talk to him about it. Sounds like a reasonable concern to me. A lot of us use the bathroom in the middle of the night, but I certainly don't check my phone.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Tell him. Tell him everything about the dream and your fears and what his phone addiction means to you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

well, you have a right to be concerned about this and your husband caused this.

i will say thought that (not very often) but i do take my phone to the bathroom sometimes as reading material.
I check the baseball scores for games that finished late at night, or just something to read instead of a mag.

hopefully it's innocent but maybe not. I guess i agree with others.....bring it up to him and watch his reaction.

his demeanor and body language will belie a guilty conscious.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Tell him. 

If i was causing my wife this much stress, fear, concern, that she was having dreams like that.

I would NEED to fix it. 

Give him the opportunity
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I check my phone every night in bed, with my back to my wife so that she cannot see it. What am I doing? Reading TAM of course.

As a guy my age, I use the bathroom in the middle of the night. But I do not bring my phone, even to check TAM.

Yes, of course, tell him it makes you anxious when he does that.

If you want to $hit test him, only tell him it makes you anxious when he does that, and see if he is smart enough to stop without you having to ask him to stop. I know you are tired of playing games. But this might tell you how committed he is.

BTW, I did not realize that my checking the phone in bed with back turned to W might be causing her stress. I will stop that.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

StephScarlett,

I had a dream about OM-1 last week and it's been 20+ years since OM-1. When I have a dream about an OM it haunts me for a day or two. 

I think it's perfectly normal for you to have dreams about such a traumatic event in your life. We wouldn't expect veterans who have been to war to never have nightmares either.

I read mention of these kinds of dreams from quite a few posters, I wonder if they are more common with rugswept affairs.

Do you have open access to his means of communication?

Tamat


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> StephScarlett,
> 
> I had a dream about OM-1 last week and it's been 20+ years since OM-1. When I have a dream about an OM it haunts me for a day or two.
> 
> ...


I'm the administrator on the phone. However, I do not have access to his work email or his LinkedIn account. I cannot check anymore. My life is worth more than that.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I tend to take my phone to the bathroom when im playing a game or reading emails. I dont think it bothers my wife...

She has told me she's getting tired of reading my emails and texts to me and typing my reaponses while im driving and is really getting tired of doing that when im just sitting there next to her....when it dings over and over, i'll toss it to her and ask her her to answer for me.

Yes....
I CAN be that lazy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I think you should tell him how it triggers you. If he's in there long enough to need entertainment, feed him more roughage. j/k just tell him to keep some magazines in there if he feels the need for entertainment. It's a small concession for him if he wants to save his marriage and make sure you feel secure.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I take my phone to the toilet. Sorry, restroom, bathroom, whatever.... 

ME: "You rotten little ****!"

WIFE: "What the hell are you doing in there?"

ME: "Playing Scrabble! I think its cheating!"

WIFE: "Oh, my God! Why can't you take a book in like anyone else?"

:rofl:


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

I dreamed so much about beating my wife's EAP up so much I literally woke up swinging. I was a in a baaaaaaad place, man.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think you should tell him how it triggers you. If he's in there long enough to need entertainment, feed him more roughage. j/k just tell him to keep some magazines in there if he feels the need for entertainment. It's a small concession for him if he wants to save his marriage and make sure you feel secure.



Good idea. He can also get a tablet that does not have txt or chat apps installed (password known to OP) so that he can check scores, whatever but not communicate. I use my 8" tablet more than phone and laptop. Even read TAM on it.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

If I wake up in the middle of the night to pee I take my phone. I'm generally in a zombie state if this happens so I don't DO anything on it, but I use it for light. If I turn a real light on I'll instantly get a headache. So I iust push the button on the screen to give a little light so I don't break my toe on the bed post. 

I don't take it if it's light outside and I can see though.

I have often sat on the toilet and scrolled TAM/Fb/twitter mid afternoon though. Lol

But if it's triggering you, SAY something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I think the bigger issue here is you've lost complete trust in him. For good reason. Have you guys been working on it at all? MC?
It seems like, reading through the comments that a lot of people have their phones in their room. I told my H no way. I hate the phone in the bedroom...to me it should be the one place where there are no distractions and it is completely about the other person. Even if you're just cuddling watching a movie.
Personally it would bother me too if my H did that.
I'd say something...tell him how that is triggering stuff for you. It might be just sports scores and the news...but he can't read your mind and know that it's driving you batty. I'd talk to him.


Sent from my iPhone


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

citygirl4344 said:


> I think the bigger issue here is you've lost complete trust in him. For good reason. Have you guys been working on it at all? MC?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone


WE went to one follow up MC session about two months ago where the MC said he needed to be more emotionally transparent with me. I just don't think that is happening.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

stephscarlett said:


> WE went to one follow up MC session about two months ago where the MC said he needed to be more emotionally transparent with me. I just don't think that is happening.




Sounds like he's not working on it....id start by talking to him about the phone in bathroom thing.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

So last night I told him that and he listened but said dreams are just dreams, even though they can seem real. But he understood. I asked if anything was going on with him. I asked this because we had just had the WORST sex of our life together. I asked for it, he barely got hard, I had to be on top and he was done in 3 seconds. And lets just say there was not much evidence the next day. He apologized this morning and I said are you spilling that stuff somewhere else? 
He said no and that he'll be back in business this weekend. 
It has NEVER been like this for us. I know he doesnt' use porn, WTH is going on?


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Poor you Steph- I always feel for you

The ONLY time H couldn't complete the sex act with me was after he had been out with OW on a call for hours. Said he didn't even see her as they were in different locations and he was just tired…. Maybe yes maybe no…

It is hard to put everything being you and move forward when you are pretty sure- but not certain -that you don't have the whole story. We still go 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I try to make a decision based on the information I have and my own feelings as to what I am going to believe. I am trying to just work on figuring out the present - and it seems good.

My daughter is now working with H- and OW was training her- I couldn't stand to listen to DD telling me how great she was so H took over her training. (at my request) DD said OW told her how much she loves working with him, then showed her where "they" have their coffee by the water and walks in the garden. H said its never happened and I actually believed him this time. I really think OW is trying to stir up trouble. DD said H doesn't stick around like the other guys for coffee with her and he takes pride in doing a good days work.


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