# Where do women go to find men to date?



## Lila

My question is prompted by a comment on another thread. 

I am a long time married person but I find the modern dating scene fascinating. One of the topics that I see come up over and over is the disparity between the number of men and women using On-Line Dating (OLD) software to meet people which brings me to my question. 

*If there is roughly an equal number of single men to women, why is OLD so heavily favored by men? *

*And, if women are not on OLD, what are they doing to meet men? Or are they just not dating?*


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## Emerging Buddhist

Define OLD?


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## Lila

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Define OLD?


Ooops, my bad......OLD = On-Line Dating apps like Tinder, Match, *******, Plenty of Fish, E Harmony, Our Time....


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## SunCMars

Lila said:


> Ooops, my bad......OLD = On-Line Dating apps like Tinder, Match, *******, Plenty of Fish, E Harmony, Our Time....


Ah,

My feet are Tinder after a 10 miler.
I cannot hold a Match to the women on here.
I usually catch Plenty of Fish, just not in Lake Erie.
When I sing, my C range is off, and my E-Harmony is atrocious.
My Time on TAM is Our-Time together.
..............................................................................................

Men use OLD sites because it is like using a shot gun. You fire off a few 'Buck' shots.
They think they have a better chance of hitting a few birds. Hopefully pheasants, no crows, no Dodo's.

It is a lazy way of finding a date. You put in your byline, a photo and what you are looking for and they wait for the responses to pour in. Yeah, right.

Men may not know these stats, namely, more men than women use these sites.

Women are afraid of anonymous men, maybe creeps, liars, stalkers. This lowers their number relative to men's. It is not the men who skew the number it is women.

They find it is easier to 'weed out' those types of women that do not appeal to them.

And, it is like being at the candy store. You can look at the women's photos, read what she wants...and fantasize. A five going for nines.
And men having big egos do not get shot down 'in the flesh'. They just do not get a bite.....or any bites. Bites that take years to heal.

Men use OLD sites because they live in the past, when men ruled the day. They do not know the new sites.


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## Andy1001

Lila said:


> My question is prompted by a comment on another thread.
> 
> I am a long time married person but I find the modern dating scene fascinating. One of the topics that I see come up over and over is the disparity between the number of men and women using On-Line Dating (OLD) software to meet people which brings me to my question.
> 
> *If there is roughly an equal number of single men to women, why is OLD so heavily favored by men? *
> 
> *And, if women are not on OLD, what are they doing to meet men? Or are they just not dating?*


I have never tried online dating but I have often heard my employees talking about it.Most of my employees are young women so I think their opinion is valid.
What they say is first impressions matter,even more so than in a normal situation.Guys put up any old photograph they have,they don’t take any time over their appearance and some of them look scruffy.Girls are inundated with choices on any dating site so unless your photo impresses them immediately they just flick on to the next guy.I don’t mean for you to go to a professional photographer but at least try and look your best in the picture,also it seems that more than one photo can be used on some sites so use photos showing you doing something interesting that may get a girls attention.
Don’t come across as a ****in loser when you are stating your interests.If you like rock music say so,don’t give a review of your favorite 100 metal bands.And whatever you do don’t start listing your favorite tv shows.Nothing screams Singleton louder than a guy sitting at home watching tv all night.


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## Lila

SunCMars said:


> Ah,
> 
> My feet are Tinder after a 10 miler.
> I cannot hold a Match to the women on here.
> I usually catch Plenty of Fish, just not in Lake Erie.
> When I sing, my C range is off, and my E-Harmony is atrocious.
> My Time on TAM is Our-Time together.


Gotta give it to ya SuncMars......this was good 



SunCMars said:


> Men use OLD sites because it is like using a shot gun. You fire off a few 'Buck' shots.
> They think they have a better chance of hitting a few birds. Hopefully pheasants, no crows, no Dodo's.
> 
> It is a lazy way of finding a date. You put in your byline, a photo and what you are looking for and they wait for the responses to pour in. Yeah, right.
> 
> Men may not know these stats, namely, more men than women use these sites.
> 
> Women are afraid of anonymous men, maybe creeps, liars, stalkers. This lowers their number relative to men's. It is not the men who skew the number it is women.
> 
> They find it is easier to 'weed out' those types of women that do not appeal to them.
> 
> And, it is like being at the candy store. You can look at the women's photos, read what she wants...and fantasize. A five going for nines.
> And men having big egos do not get shot down 'in the flesh'. They just do not get a bite.....or any bites. Bites that take years to heal.
> 
> Men use OLD sites because they live in the past, when men ruled the day. They do not know the new sites.


Okay, so if not OLD, then where are all of the single women meeting men?


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## Emerging Buddhist

Lila said:


> Ooops, my bad......OLD = On-Line Dating apps like Tinder, Match, *******, Plenty of Fish, E Harmony, Our Time....


I think when the time comes I will do it the old fashioned way...


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## Elizabeth001

Lila said:


> Gotta give it to ya SuncMars......this was good
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Okay, so if not OLD, then where are all of the single women meeting men?




Do tell. lol 


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## David Darling

Some of the bars in our city are struggling, and one reason given is that Millennials are indeed meeting and "socializing" online rather than IRL.

As to why men are more frequent users, perhaps it's the equivalent of window shopping - they can dream in safety about things they could never afford. There's a lot of truth in the cliché that men are visual fantasists.


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## Elizabeth001

Most men’s profiles are like this:

Likes: fishing, football, nascar...oh & then walking on the beach. 

Then they plaster a half naked selfie they took in the bathroom mirror. 

That’s just for starters. LOLS 


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## Lila

Andy1001 said:


> I have never tried online dating but I have often heard my employees talking about it.Most of my employees are young women so I think their opinion is valid.
> What they say is first impressions matter,even more so than in a normal situation.Guys put up any old photograph they have,they don’t take any time over their appearance and some of them look scruffy.Girls are inundated with choices on any dating site so unless your photo impresses them immediately they just flick on to the next guy.I don’t mean for you to go to a professional photographer but at least try and look your best in the picture,also it seems that more than one photo can be used on some sites so use photos showing you doing something interesting that may get a girls attention.
> Don’t come across as a ****in loser when you are stating your interests.If you like rock music say so,don’t give a review of your favorite 100 metal bands.And whatever you do don’t start listing your favorite tv shows.Nothing screams Singleton louder than a guy sitting at home watching tv all night.


I agree with everything you stated about profiles. I work with mostly men and a few of them are single and searching. The ones that have had success with it have very attractive profiles. 

So you disagree with the statistics then? That the men way out number the women on OLD?


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## Elizabeth001

David Darling said:


> Some of the bars in our city are struggling, and one reason given is that Millennials are indeed meeting and "socializing" online rather than IRL.
> 
> 
> 
> As to why men are more frequent users, perhaps it's the equivalent of window shopping - they can dream in safety about things they could never afford. There's a lot of truth in the cliché that men are visual fantasists.




Yep & then contacting women that are way out of their league or that they have NOTHING in common with and cry because they don’t get responses. 

Love it when the first contact is “hey beautiful”. 

Puke


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## Lila

Emerging Buddhist said:


> I think when the time comes I will do it the old fashioned way...


I don't plan on being single any time soon, but if it should happen, I'm totally with ya. 

I barely check on my facebook and that's only duress. I don't think I'd survive a day using OLD.

My thing would probably be Meetup.


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## Lila

David Darling said:


> Some of the bars in our city are struggling, and one reason given is that Millennials are indeed meeting and "socializing" online rather than IRL.
> 
> As to why men are more frequent users, perhaps it's the equivalent of window shopping - they can dream in safety about things they could never afford. There's a lot of truth in the cliché that men are visual fantasists.


So if men are window shopping/fantasizing online, where are the women?


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## David Darling

Elizabeth001 said:


> Most men’s profiles are like this:
> 
> Likes: fishing, football, nascar...oh & then walking on the beach.
> 
> Then they plaster a half naked selfie they took in the bathroom mirror.
> 
> That’s just for starters. LOLS
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Embarrassing for us, but you totally nailed it with this. :laugh:


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## Lila

Elizabeth001 said:


> Most men’s profiles are like this:
> 
> Likes: fishing, football, nascar...oh & then walking on the beach.
> 
> Then they plaster a half naked selfie they took in the bathroom mirror.
> 
> That’s just for starters. LOLS
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I'm so sorry but that is hilarious. I keep telling myself that I should start up a profile writing business specifically targeting men. I think _anything_ I put together would be better than that crap. My question is WHYYYYYY???? Is it laziness?

@Elizabeth001, how do you meet people?


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## Andy1001

Lila said:


> I agree with everything you stated about profiles. I work with mostly men and a few of them are single and searching. The ones that have had success with it have very attractive profiles.
> 
> So you disagree with the statistics then? That the men way out number the women on OLD?


I’m not sure where you think I’m disagreeing with the statistics.
I said women are inundated with choices on these sites.


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## David Darling

Lila said:


> So if men are window shopping/fantasizing online, where are the women?


They're on Tinder too, but I don't think they're swiping as frantically as the men.


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## lifeistooshort

If I find myself single again I will not be using OLD.

Don't care for the shopping feel of it. 

I'll be checking out running groups.


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## Lila

Andy1001 said:


> I’m not sure where you think I’m disagreeing with the statistics.
> I said women are inundated with choices on these sites.


AH yes, I must have skimmed over that line.


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## Lila

David Darling said:


> They're on Tinder too, but I don't think they're swiping as frantically as the men.


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## David Darling

Lila said:


>


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
How do people come up with this stuff? So clever!


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## TBT

Bumble is one tailored more for women,from what I hear.

I'm an older guy and have no need for dating apps. Never had any trouble meeting plenty of great women over the years by just being social in real life. Getting to know someone used to be more than just looking at the pics and reading the persons positive review of themselves.


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## Lila

lifeistooshort said:


> If I find myself single again I will not be using OLD.
> 
> Don't care for the shopping feel of it.
> 
> I'll be checking out running groups.


Shopping! That's exactly what OLD is. 

There's also the issue with the texting BEFORE meeting to get to know each other. I would probably freak people out when I tell them after exchanging a few messages, "hey, let's grab a cup of coffee tomorrow before work". {_dude runs for the hills and tags me as creepy_}.


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## Elizabeth001

OMG. I am laughing my a$$ off. Hahaaaa!


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## Lila

TBT said:


> Bumble is one tailored more for women,from what I hear.
> 
> I'm an older guy and have no need for dating apps. Never had any trouble meeting plenty of great women over the years by just being social in real life. Getting to know someone used to be more than just looking at the pics and reading the persons positive review of themselves.


 @TBT, where do you typically meet women? Are these planned events you attend or just out and about?


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## Lila

David Darling said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> How do people come up with this stuff? So clever!


There's a gazillion of these online.


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## Elizabeth001

@Lila I just recently opened a POF profile after being complety disgusted by it about a year ago. I went into it this time with a new point of view and knew what to expect. Every now and then I will run across an interesting profile but it is rare. I have one fish that I talk to and see on occasion but we are platonic at this point. 

Being a total introvert, I haven’t met anyone as of yet. I’m ok with that because I know if it is meant to be then it will, no matter what. It’s good for me to concentrate on myself at this point but I will admit I do get terribly lonely sometimes. Mainly when major life events occur (good or bad) and I don’t have someone special to share it with. 

So...for now I’m just keeping my toe in the water 

OLD is what it is. My best advice is to understand it and keep it on the light side 


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## Lila

David Darling said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> How do people come up with this stuff? So clever!


This one is my favorite. Combines a fun past time with swiping.


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## TBT

Lila said:


> @TBT, where do you typically meet women? Are these planned events you attend or just out and about?


I'm in my 60's now @Lila and in a relationship already,but I still meet women out and about. Taking workshops for things I'm interested in I've met a lot of interesting women. When I was young it was more life events... going out with friends,weddings,parties,church functions etc. From what I see,these are still things going on. What's changed? One of the things I've noticed is that when I see a group of younger people together,the social dynamic is not the same as when I was young. Where once the focus was directed into the group,now a lot of it is directed outward,with everyone on their individual devices.


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## Spicy

Elizabeth001 said:


> Most men’s profiles are like this:
> 
> Likes: fishing, football, nascar...oh & then walking on the beach.
> 
> Then they plaster a half naked selfie they took in the bathroom mirror.
> 
> That’s just for starters. LOLS
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yeah, so this is hysterical and so true. My H profile on POF was so minimal. When I filled mine out I put all the details they recommended. Took all the little tests. Mine was brimming full of information. Our profiles side by side are absurd. So massively different. I wasn’t on there long, but it seemed fairly typical that their profiles were minimal. The amount of contact you get as a woman is overwhelming. And I didn’t have my photos on mine, I could have been a disgusting troll of a person.


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## David Darling

Lila said:


> There's a gazillion of these online.


That's the rest of my day gone.


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## Rowan

I live in a small town in a rural area. I already knew all the men around here that might possibly have fallen into my target dating pool. And I knew all their ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, siblings, parents, grandparents, and children. My social, business, and family circles are all here, but there really just wasn't anyone I was interested in dating.

Online dating was actually ideal for me. It allowed me to gain introductions to men from surrounding areas. Areas with larger populations, but in which I had no existing social or business contacts. And, with a few glaring exceptions, most of the men I met on Match or eHarmony were perfectly lovely. I turned out to not be compatible with most of them, for one reason or another. But I also met my SO online, and we've been together for 2 years and are very happy.


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## arbitrator

Lila said:


> My question is prompted by a comment on another thread.
> 
> I am a long time married person but I find the modern dating scene fascinating. One of the topics that I see come up over and over is the disparity between the number of men and women using On-Line Dating (OLD) software to meet people which brings me to my question.
> 
> *If there is roughly an equal number of single men to women, why is OLD so heavily favored by men? *
> 
> *And, if women are not on OLD, what are they doing to meet men? Or are they just not dating?*


* @Lila ~ I know where those women could find one old fart to date ~ out here at the Ranch!

I, too, am totally aggravated by these OLD sites, as they have largely became literal meat markets! No one woman on those sites has really intrigued me other than being perceived as gold diggers or status seekers! Little to no sincerity whatsoever!*


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## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> My question is prompted by a comment on another thread.
> 
> I am a long time married person but I find the modern dating scene fascinating. One of the topics that I see come up over and over is the disparity between the number of men and women using On-Line Dating (OLD) software to meet people which brings me to my question.
> 
> *If there is roughly an equal number of single men to women, why is OLD so heavily favored by men? *
> 
> *And, if women are not on OLD, what are they doing to meet men? Or are they just not dating?*


Lila, I think when OLD was new, there were something like 3 men to 1 women on all of them. That changed very quickly, and the most recent stats I could find said the ratio was 52% men and 48% women.

STATS | Online Dating Statistics

I was online dating last year, and I only sensed a slightly higher amount of men than women on there. I did some snooping around and doing searches on women, to see who else was out there, and also I knew men who were doing OLD at the time and saw who they were coming up with on searches, who they went on dates with, etc.

There doesn't currently seem to be a huge discrepancy in the gender ratio.

Plus there are now many gay, bi, poly, trans, and others who liven up the place and add to the possibilities for everyone.


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## Faithful Wife

arbitrator said:


> * @Lila ~ I know where those women could find one old fart to date ~ out here at the Ranch!
> 
> I, too, am totally aggravated by these OLD sites, as they have largely became literal meat markets! No one woman on those sites has really intrigued me other than being perceived as gold diggers or status seekers! Little to no sincerity whatsoever!*


Wow, Arb! That's....sad!!!

I remember reading many profiles of women who sounded like quality, honest women. I mean who knows, they may be nutters, but at least their profiles came across as sincere. You never read ANY profiles of seemingly sincere women? :scratchhead:


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## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> I'm so sorry but that is hilarious. I keep telling myself that I should start up a profile writing business specifically targeting men. I think _anything_ I put together would be better than that crap. My question is WHYYYYYY???? Is it laziness?
> 
> @Elizabeth001, how do you meet people?


I know you weren't addressing me but.....NOOO!!!!

We don't want those guys to create good profiles. We want them to match up with women who have profiles like what Arb described (morons, gold diggers, etc).

We must be grateful for a profile written so badly that even if you thought he or she was cute, you quickly move along and have a little chuckle at the ridiculousness.

There are many wonderful profiles, and even if they don't end up representing the person accurately, you at least know if they have good grammar and spelling (if that is important to you), you know their political bent and how deep they are into it, you know if they are trying too hard or not (usually evident in their profile writing but sometimes not a deal breaker). Good profiles help you make some sorting out decisions about people. 

Totally true that a really great guy or gal may have a really crappy profile. And a really great profile may turn out to be a complete untruth about the person you actually meet. But generally speaking, I think the impression I have had from people's profile has matched what I expected on the first meet. 

I do typically text and maybe talk on the phone a bit before meeting someone. That helps me weed some out before ever meeting them. I can't just rely on the profile before meeting them, I want to have at least a sense of their voice and phone/text habits and etiquette. I do like to meet within a week of beginning to talk/text. There is not usually constant communication during that week but sometimes it gets pretty busy on the text thread and I learn a lot about someone that way.


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## arbitrator

Faithful Wife said:


> Wow, Arb! That's....sad!!!
> 
> I remember reading many profiles of women who sounded like quality, honest women. I mean who knows, they may be nutters, but at least their profiles came across as sincere. You never read ANY profiles of seemingly sincere women? :scratchhead:


*Not exactly! With a plethora of disclaimers built onto their profiles, I just don’t think that a lot of them are seeking anything other than self-serving relationships!

I always thought that relationships 
were supposed to be a “two way street!”*


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## Wolf1974

Sadly I am not sure where people date anyone outside OLD lol. I mean I guess people still meet at bars and clubs but I go into those places on bar checks for my job and that is not my scene. I have always had success on OLD and still do. Been dating again about a month now and 6 dates so far , I don’t think that’s awful.

So I don’t date at work EVER, don’t do clubs, can’t see how people make picking up women at the grocery store (although my brother swears by it) and don’t date friends of friends because that has gone south before. So OLD is it for me. I am thinking about checking out tinder but POF and Match are very active in my area.


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## Wolf1974

arbitrator said:


> *Not exactly! With a plethora of disclaimers built onto their profiles, I just don’t think that a lot of them are seeking anything other than self-serving relationships!
> 
> I always thought that relationships a
> were supposed to be “two way streets!”*


If I may my friend I would suggest that you bypass some of what they say and try a date/first meet to see what they are really about. 

I know exactly what you mean and have run across the impression profiles that they have no time for you and you will have to fall in line into their life. And no doubt those women exist. However I have found that many also can’t write a profiles worth a crap or are obvious to how they sounds : conceited, self absorbed, money seeking. Once you meet them in person they are not what the profile described . 

Just my experience anyway. And if they are the way they sound only takes about the first beer to figure it out lol. I really think with the attention women get OLD they have to sound harsh to weed out at least some of the crazies


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## SunCMars

Lila said:


> Gotta give it to ya SuncMars......this was good
> 
> 
> 
> Okay, so if not OLD, then where are all of the single women meeting men?


Oh boy, why are you asking me?

Uh, I know. A Man of all Seasons.

Being a good observer, I think women meet men doing things in real life. 

I am an average looking guy who is 'fit' appearing. And I am very friendly and approachable.
I get hit on even though I wear a ring. 
Now look, these are very mild hits, the women being very talkative and warm. If I did not wear my ring, I guarantee things would progress further.
And yes, I am the catalyst most of the time. 

And I note that single women are forever checking out men. When possible, they will put themselves in an available light. Make themselves, approachable.


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## arbitrator

Wolf1974 said:


> If I may my friend I would suggest that you bypass some of what they say and try a date/first meet to see what they are really about.
> 
> I know exactly what you mean and have run across the impression profiles that they have no time for you and you will have to fall in line into their life. And no doubt those women exist. However I have found that many also can’t write a profiles worth a crap or are obvious to how they sounds : conceited, self absorbed, money seeking. Once you meet them in person they are not what the profile described .
> 
> Just my experience anyway. And if they are the way they sound only takes about the first beer to figure it out lol. I really think with the attention women get OLD they have to sound harsh to weed out at least some of the crazies


*Like the gals, even we guys have first impressions of women. And if that first impression is in written form, coming across that way, even in their writing and presentation acumen, then who in the hell am I to remotely even question that they’re going to be any different in the flesh?

Needless to say, it literally scares the hell out of me!*


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## SunCMars

Life is very short. 

There is no time to be indecisive.
Especially when it comes to love and intimacy.

It makes many people too anxious, too careless.
And ripe for treachery at the hands of users.


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## arbitrator

SunCMars said:


> *Life is very short.
> 
> There is no time to be indecisive.
> Especially when it comes to love and intimacy.
> 
> It makes many people too anxious, too careless.
> And ripe for treachery at the hands of users.*


*And that’s exactly what scares the living hell out of me! Their “game playing” and deceitfulness!*


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## Diana7

Its depends on the site I think. When I was on on line dating sites, it was Christian ones and there were far more women than men. At the age I was then, late 40's, there were about 3 women to one man, and being that many men look for younger women, the odds for us were even worse. I think that most use things like Tinder for casual hook ups rather than long term relationships, I would never use them. 
I think on line dating is good if you chose good sites where you will meet people of a like mind. I know about 10 couples who met on Christian dating sites.
I did try a few good secular sites and I found that the numbers were about equal.


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## Rowan

Wolf1974 said:


> If I may my friend I would suggest that you bypass some of what they say and try a date/first meet to see what they are really about.
> 
> I know exactly what you mean and have run across the impression profiles that they have no time for you and you will have to fall in line into their life. And no doubt those women exist. However I have found that many also can’t write a profiles worth a crap or are obvious to how they sounds : conceited, self absorbed, money seeking. Once you meet them in person they are not what the profile described .
> 
> Just my experience anyway. And if they are the way they sound only takes about the first beer to figure it out lol. *I really think with the attention women get OLD they have to sound harsh to weed out at least some of the crazies*


The bold is why I pretty quickly set my dating profile to be invisible to everyone unless I contacted them first. That allowed me to have a much more honest and complete profile that was less harsh. I no longer felt the need to include "if you're unemployed, live in Mom's basement, want to start a family at age 45, need a green card marriage, have a felony conviction, are an active addict, or believe all your exes are 'crazy *****es' don't bother" sorts of caveats. No matter how charmingly such things are worded, it's off-putting. So, I set my filters to only show me profiles of men who met my rather strict criteria, then chose who to contact so that my profile would be visible to them. It drastically cut down on the numbers of "Hey, Sexy!" introductions, stalker-y conversations, and messages from men who _obviously_ hadn't read my profile or they would have known we were _completely_ incompatible.

And most gentlemen were pretty pleased to be contacted, rather than having to initiate contact. A couple were pretty creepy about it. The assumption being, I suppose, that a woman who would contact them must be trolling for **** pics or NSA sex. But, on the whole, my method worked for me and seriously curtailed a lot of the things I disliked about online dating.


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## Elizabeth001

@Rowan Great idea. I might actually try this myself!


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## bkyln309

Honestly if the current BF and I break up, I doubt I will use OLD as much as before. Honestly, there are very few quality men on OLD. Most I would never date. I think I got four quality dates from OLD out of the variety of websites. Most are on those sites for years because they have major issues. 

I think I would get active and live. Get out in the world and allow someone worth your time intercept your path.


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## MovingForward

Lila said:


> My question is prompted by a comment on another thread.
> 
> I am a long time married person but I find the modern dating scene fascinating. One of the topics that I see come up over and over is the disparity between the number of men and women using On-Line Dating (OLD) software to meet people which brings me to my question.
> 
> *If there is roughly an equal number of single men to women, why is OLD so heavily favored by men? *
> 
> *And, if women are not on OLD, what are they doing to meet men? Or are they just not dating?*


As a guy(married 12 years) I tried online dating and had a hard time with it, met a few girls but nothing will progressed into much, there were a lot of mixed people some woman I spoke to wanted a commitment you were looking to settle down and get married before even meeting, some looking for sex, some looking for a free meal and others just someone to chat online and never meet so just a weird virtual relationship. 

My GF claims she had all good experiences but rarely saw someone past a first date but as an attractive female you are going to have a large selection of guys swiping you so she used it as a way of exploring the city and getting out of the house since she moved from a different country and didn't know anyone or have a Job or social life at the time, she had 2 relationships from it but we discussed the other night that the most successful ones are usually via work or mutual friends and you have an idea what they are like before you date versus an online persona and a heavily filtered/angled pic. 

My GF actually told me she would not have swiped me, in fact she saw me on an app and didn't swipe but I met her at a Pool party and that day I was in a confident mood and asked her for her number which not in character for me and she provided it but then was not interested in me still but i pursued for a couple weeks and when I finally got to take her out as just 'another guy' to just get a free meal from and get out the house we kinda hit it off but she was not completely sold as she had a bunch of other guys still pursuing from online apps and apparently i was nice and she had fun but didnt stand out that much, then the second date when she met me as she had nothing else to do(her words) she was the one decided she actually liked me and wanted to see me more and its just progressed ever since.

So anyway to answer your question OLD is favored by men and woman as its an easy, lazy way, safe way to try and speak to a lot of different people but I do feel it is really not the best way to meet someone, for girls the problem is you are going to be overrun with guys wanting to meet you and you will have to filter them or spend a bunch of time weeding out the bad ones and you will probably miss a bunch of real good ones also by skipping over a pic of someone who is not as hot as another guy you swiped but could be the perfect guy you want.

For men the disadvantage is you have to do a lot of stand out from the crowd and then it becomes almost fake and a smoke and mirrors act.

Anyway just my point of view.


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## john117

A former 20something used OLD to find a partner after a couple of non OLD relationships with kids in Mom's basement types.

The result was the most catastrophic OLD results ever. The matching was made only in terms of interests and not anything else. As a result he's going to be a house husband in charge of a few pets, and no work or education plans. 

Pretty good gig if you can get it.


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## honcho

arbitrator said:


> * @Lila ~ I know where those women could find one old fart to date ~ out here at the Ranch!
> 
> I, too, am totally aggravated by these OLD sites, as they have largely became literal meat markets! No one woman on those sites has really intrigued me other than being perceived as gold diggers or status seekers! Little to no sincerity whatsoever!*


You aren't the only one. I've pretty much given up on the sites. The few I thought were genuine and interesting would end up just being good at creative writing and we're good and telling you what you wanted to hear much more than what they wanted or were interested in. It's all game playing and nonsense.


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## Satya

I was on my last "leg" of online dating when Odo found me. Id had lots of dates by then, some mild successes and was 3 months out of an 8 month relationship that just didn't work.

I went on OKC (hadn't tried it till then) and created an honest profile. Not the kind of "if you can't accept me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best" crap, but just honest about having been married, having learned what I wanted from my past experiences, having resilience, an appreciation for bettering myself and learning, a desire to meet a man who had been through similar, etc. I can't even remember what I put on it... I was just honest. 

And I got very little response, if anything. I knew exactly why. It wasn't a quick enough read. It wasn't "tinder-ised" enough, where in 5 seconds they could tell what I wanted. Odo says it probably INTIMIDATED most men (his favorite word to describe me to this day - intimidating). 

But it didn't intimidate him, as he was browsing. It didn't stop him from avoiding me altogether because I had clearly stated on my profile that he was outside of my age range, and it didn't stop him from messaging me to say simply: "I enjoyed reading your profile." That's what sparked it all.

I believe you have to stick with your own personal style and persist if you're going to be serious about OLD. Nothing is as good as meeting a person face to face, but I liked to know that people were sure about wanting to meet me first.


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## Lila

Rowan said:


> So, I set my filters to only show me profiles of men who met my rather strict criteria, then chose who to contact so that my profile would be visible to them. It drastically cut down on the numbers of "Hey, Sexy!" introductions, stalker-y conversations, and messages from men who _obviously_ hadn't read my profile or they would have known we were _completely_ incompatible.
> 
> And most gentlemen were pretty pleased to be contacted, rather than having to initiate contact. A couple were pretty creepy about it. The assumption being, I suppose, that a woman who would contact them must be trolling for **** pics or NSA sex. But, on the whole, my method worked for me and seriously curtailed a lot of the things I disliked about online dating.


I love this idea @Rowan. Did you post a line at the top of your profile stating saying something like "if you're reading this that means I find you attractive"?

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001

MovingForward said:


> As a guy(married 12 years) I tried online dating and had a hard time with it, met a few girls but nothing will progressed into much, there were a lot of mixed people some woman I spoke to wanted a commitment you were looking to settle down and get married before even meeting, some looking for sex, some looking for a free meal and others just someone to chat online and never meet so just a weird virtual relationship.
> 
> My GF claims she had all good experiences but rarely saw someone past a first date but as an attractive female you are going to have a large selection of guys swiping you so she used it as a way of exploring the city and getting out of the house since she moved from a different country and didn't know anyone or have a Job or social life at the time, she had 2 relationships from it but we discussed the other night that the most successful ones are usually via work or mutual friends and you have an idea what they are like before you date versus an online persona and a heavily filtered/angled pic.
> 
> My GF actually told me she would not have swiped me, in fact she saw me on an app and didn't swipe but I met her at a Pool party and that day I was in a confident mood and asked her for her number which not in character for me and she provided it but then was not interested in me still but i pursued for a couple weeks and when I finally got to take her out as just 'another guy' to just get a free meal from and get out the house we kinda hit it off but she was not completely sold as she had a bunch of other guys still pursuing from online apps and apparently i was nice and she had fun but didnt stand out that much, then the second date when she met me as she had nothing else to do(her words) she was the one decided she actually liked me and wanted to see me more and its just progressed ever since.
> 
> So anyway to answer your question OLD is favored by men and woman as its an easy, lazy way, safe way to try and speak to a lot of different people but I do feel it is really not the best way to meet someone, for girls the problem is you are going to be overrun with guys wanting to meet you and you will have to filter them or spend a bunch of time weeding out the bad ones and you will probably miss a bunch of real good ones also by skipping over a pic of someone who is not as hot as another guy you swiped but could be the perfect guy you want.
> 
> For men the disadvantage is you have to do a lot of stand out from the crowd and then it becomes almost fake and a smoke and mirrors act.
> 
> Anyway just my point of view.


I read your other threads and I think you have done brilliantly since divorcing your wife and I honestly wish you nothing but happiness in the future.
A word of caution though,do not fall for this girl.You repeatedly say she is out of your league and unfortunately for you she knows this.Women who constantly date the Ferrari driving millionaires very rarely settle for anything less.They may lower their standards for a while but never permanently.I speak from long experience here and I have seen this happen often.
I really hope I’m wrong and you have a lifelong love affair with her but you are emotionally vulnerable at the moment so please be extra cautious with your feelings.


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## Lila

MovingForward said:


> As a guy(married 12 years) I tried online dating and had a hard time with it, met a few girls but nothing will progressed into much, there were a lot of mixed people some woman I spoke to wanted a commitment you were looking to settle down and get married before even meeting, some looking for sex, some looking for a free meal and others just someone to chat online and never meet so just a weird virtual relationship.
> 
> My GF claims she had all good experiences but rarely saw someone past a first date but as an attractive female you are going to have a large selection of guys swiping you so she used it as a way of exploring the city and getting out of the house since she moved from a different country and didn't know anyone or have a Job or social life at the time, she had 2 relationships from it but we discussed the other night that the most successful ones are usually via work or mutual friends and you have an idea what they are like before you date versus an online persona and a heavily filtered/angled pic.
> 
> My GF actually told me she would not have swiped me, in fact she saw me on an app and didn't swipe but I met her at a Pool party and that day I was in a confident mood and asked her for her number which not in character for me and she provided it but then was not interested in me still but i pursued for a couple weeks and when I finally got to take her out as just 'another guy' to just get a free meal from and get out the house we kinda hit it off but she was not completely sold as she had a bunch of other guys still pursuing from online apps and apparently i was nice and she had fun but didnt stand out that much, then the second date when she met me as she had nothing else to do(her words) she was the one decided she actually liked me and wanted to see me more and its just progressed ever since.
> 
> So anyway to answer your question OLD is favored by men and woman as its an easy, lazy way, safe way to try and speak to a lot of different people but I do feel it is really not the best way to meet someone, for girls the problem is you are going to be overrun with guys wanting to meet you and you will have to filter them or spend a bunch of time weeding out the bad ones and you will probably miss a bunch of real good ones also by skipping over a pic of someone who is not as hot as another guy you swiped but could be the perfect guy you want.
> 
> For men the disadvantage is you have to do a lot of stand out from the crowd and then it becomes almost fake and a smoke and mirrors act.
> 
> Anyway just my point of view.


Just my opinion but I think the reason that the vast majority of men "fail" (and I use that term for lack of a better word) at OLD is that it weighs heavily on visual and less so on anything else. The men who do well on OLD are those who have nice bodies or have "pretty" faces. This isn't to say that there are not success stories for the average man with a great profile, but for the most part it's very superficial. 

The thing is that there are so many other physical attributes that women take into account that can't be captured in a photograph or a profile. The ones that come to mind right away are the timbre of their voice and speech patterns. Mannerisms or the way they move is another. 

All of this to say, to those guys out there having trouble meeting women on OLD, it's not you. The methodology for meeting them is biased against you.


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## Vinnydee

The disparity of the ratio between men and women on online dating sites is due to several reasons. The women know that they will have a lot of creepy guys messaging them. Many just do not want to place themselves into a meat market environment. Go to a bar or club and the men will always outnumber the women. Those places have to offer free or low cost drinks to attract more women to their establishments. Why would it not be the same for online dating? If you talk to any women who used online dating, they may tell you that most of the guys are looking to hook up. I just read an article about a married reporter who opened four accounts on a dating site. He told his wife about it and got her OK first. He wanted to explore why people use them. He did 3 male accounts, each portraying a different kind of guy. The fourth was a female account. He said within minutes of posting his female account he got 60 messages. Most were boastful or crude. Just guys looking for sex. His intelligent and thoughtful male profile got a few hits and he learned that most of the girls did not want to meet. They just wanted an online romance. He did meet one woman who wanted to meet him. She was married and his profile showed that he was married too. The woman was a senior executive of a large company whose husband was more involved in his work and being away on business, than he was with his wife. 

She was not looking to divorce her husband but needed passion. She needed sex that was passionate and not just sex. She offered to have sex with him but since this was just for research, he had to tell her that he could not cheat on his wife and she said that she understood. A second woman he met threw her drink into his face when he told her he was just doing it for an article. Despite the number of guys out there, the good ones do get dates. Two of my friends met and married women they met on a dating site. My wife's best friend found someone on a dating site who was OK with her continuing her relationship with us and married him. 

It seems that many of the men on dating sites are looking for sex first. That is not too different than what happens at a club or bar. Historically men have always pursued the few women who made themselves available publicly. Most women prefer to meet people through their every day lives where they can get to interact with the person without their knowledge that they are viewing him as a potential mate. I met my wife on a train coming home from work. We are married 45 years. I met my former girlfriend at work and my ex fiancé in my high school. Like many women, I am not into setting up meet and greets with strangers that I meet online. I get attracted to women when I see and hear them in person. Pictures do not tell much of anything other than physical looks. Messaging just tells you what they want you to know or think about them. Then there is stranger danger that women worry about. 

When you think about it, dating sites mirror any other public gathering of strangers looking for a mate. More men than women all the time. Funny thing is that the one affair I had online with a woman was actually a guy pretending to be a woman just to mess with me.


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## john117

Look up Melani Robinson and her One Year of OLD at age 50 blog... It's pretty eye opening...


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## mohamedsocialrem

Elizabeth001 said:


> Most men’s profiles are like this:
> 
> Likes: fishing, football, nascar...oh & then walking on the beach.
> 
> Then they plaster a half naked selfie they took in the bathroom mirror.
> 
> That’s just for starters. LOLS
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


hi everybody . different kinds of groups and social pages on internet could be also a good idea for both men and women to know each other's..then some special coffee bars are well known for rencontre facile ( easy date meeting)

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## Elizabeth001

Was thinking of this thread today and thought I would share. This is from a fish that sent me a message today. All the message said was “pretty lady”. 










Seriously. 

ETA: proof I wasn’t kidding about my earlier post. lol 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## JBTX

I've gone out with a few times with a girl that I met on POF. She is a lot of fun, so we swapped phones because we didn't know what it looks like from the opposite sex's perspective on OLD.

I am very sorry, Ladies. I am. Very. Sorry. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rowan

Lila said:


> I love this idea @Rowan. Did you post a line at the top of your profile stating saying something like "if you're reading this that means I find you attractive"?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Nah, no need to mention it in my profile. I had to send them a message. Once that happened, my profile was suddenly visible to them where it hadn't been before. At that point, I'd already contacted them, so they knew I was interested. 

That was on Match. I'm not sure if such an option is available on other OLD sites, but I found it very useful.


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## AVR1962

Last November I signed up with a dating service. It was very expensive and not worth the $. I did have a few dates thru the service and met a gentleman I liked well and we dated several months. When we broke up I put a profile on Match. In about a month's time I had probably 200 men contact me....I live in a populated area. What I saw alot of was men who were very scroungy looking, over weight, profile pics in T-shirts, balding, lots of men with hats and sun glasses on or pics taken with their daughters. There were several very good looking men though too and had some very nice banter with several. Some didn't make it past the online chats. Of those 200 men I probably spoke with/texted/messaged about 30. I had some very interesting conversations. One in particular stands out in my mind and that was with a former male dancer....imagine introducing him to my family, lol!!!! Some men I blocked on my phone or on the site as they were vulgar or became offensive. I went out on dates with 15 of those men. In the very short time I was online with my profile my account was hacked....someone came into my profile posing as a man locally, took all my info off and put his own info on....pretty crazy!!! Of those 15 men I dated there was one who was very good looking and just wanting ladies for the night which I did not oblige....did I have fun with his flirting? You bet! I can play that game too. My phone was going off all day from all these men who were sending sweet messages and I liked it but I also knew that I was looking for a connection and not just a fun night. 

I don't do club or bars, don't want to meet up with a drinker. I have gone out to eat and sat in the bar section and while I might try to make eye contact it seems most everyone has their nose in their phone. I do go to the gym but most are much younger than myself. My best luck has been online.

Currently I am seeing a man who I met thru Match, guy 15 that I went out with. We just clicked, I was comfortable with him and he seems to be pretty happy with me. It is quite new at this point and if it does not work into something more I will go back to Match.


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## MrsHolland

I did OLD 12 months post separation and had a blast. It is hard to find a well kept man in his 50's online but it was still fun.
Had lots of nice dinners out, a few quick flings. A FWB that so much fun. Then Met MrH V2 and life changed forever. still pinching ourselves 6 years later at what an amazing match we are.

You need a thick skin and great SOH when OLD, lots of really crass and low EQ men out there but also lots of really nice (but too ordinary for me personally) guys too.

I had two different sets of standards with OLD, those that met the NSA type of status, good looking, clean and intelligent. I was not interested in what they did for a living or their financial status. Good fun is good fun.
To be a match for a LTR they had to be good looking, white collar, non religious, super intelligent, high income earner and of course extremely compatible in bed (quality and quantity).

The only advice I have is to stay safe and don't give your phone number out too soon. I always let my parents or siblings know when and where I was doing a coffee meet.
Meet for coffee within a few days of the first chat. Mostly just have fun.


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## uhtred

IMHO you have the *right* attitude. So many people seem to forget that dating should be *fun*. They get goal driven and lose track of how nice it is to spend time with a new friendly person that you have just met. 





MrsHolland said:


> I did OLD 12 months post separation and had a blast. It is hard to find a well kept man in his 50's online but it was still fun.
> Had lots of nice dinners out, a few quick flings. A FWB that so much fun. Then Met MrH V2 and life changed forever. still pinching ourselves 6 years later at what an amazing match we are.
> 
> You need a thick skin and great SOH when OLD, lots of really crass and low EQ men out there but also lots of really nice (but too ordinary for me personally) guys too.
> 
> I had two different sets of standards with OLD, those that met the NSA type of status, good looking, clean and intelligent. I was not interested in what they did for a living or their financial status. Good fun is good fun.
> To be a match for a LTR they had to be good looking, white collar, non religious, super intelligent, high income earner and of course extremely compatible in bed (quality and quantity).
> 
> The only advice I have is to stay safe and don't give your phone number out too soon. I always let my parents or siblings know when and where I was doing a coffee meet.
> Meet for coffee within a few days of the first chat. Mostly just have fun.


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## wilson

One place that is good to meet people is group fitness classes or training groups. These classes are taught everywhere from parks to gyms, and are a good place to strike up friendships. You'll see the same people time after time, and there's plenty of breaks to have naturally occurring conversations. But even if you don't meet someone in class, someone in class might play matchmaker and introduce you to someone.

However, I can't stress this enough, don't go to classes just to hook up with people. That's creepy and annoying and causes people to drop out of class. Just go with the intention of getting fit, and it's inevitable that you'll expand your social circle.


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## Ynot

I didn't read the thread posts, but all I can say is that the place to meet men to date is wherever your life takes you. So live the best life you can. Do the things that you want to do. You will stumble across someone with similar interests, values, wants and needs. From there it is just a matter of deciding how far do you want to take it.


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## chillymorn69

on.


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## Wolf1974

I have seen suggested before this joining groups your interested in to meet like minded individuals. I get the idea in theory however most people are there for the activity not to date so you could rub many the wrong way. Second if you are interested in the activity and meet someone and then it doesn’t work out, like most do, now that is either really ackward or you would have to quit the group. To me it’s just the same as dating where you work. Sure it’s ok for awhile then the shoe drops and drama I would want those things separate personally


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## Rick Blaine

I am in my late 40's and I used Match. I liked the format. I am an outgoing person, but I am not comfortable picking up women in bars and clubs. OLD provides a convenient way to put yourself out there and meet other people who are doing the same. I went out with around 5 women (one at a time) before meeting one with whom I clicked. The dating was fun and though I was not looking for flings, I did have a good time. Sometimes it was awkward, but my attitude was just have fun and if it doesn't work out, no big deal. The gal I'm dating now is a good lady, and we have a ton in common. 

I realized a few weeks into Match that I was in a highly competitive environment, so I constantly updated my profile and became much more selective about the pictures I put up and I refined my narrative so that it wasn't trite and unoriginal. I threw out way more lines than I got bites (as in fishing), but I was persistent and assertive. I too was surprised by how lazy and unoriginal people are with their profiles. So many pictures of gals taking selfies in the bathroom. Not a good look. 

I really prefer OLD to meeting random people in public venues. But men have to be persistent and strategic unless they are suave, handsome, and rich.


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## David51

As a man if you want to meet women my advice would be to join a Salsa club, get in a Salsa class, join a Salsa MeetUp group have some fun get out and enjoy the experience. Ya I know you hate to dance BUT women love to dance and there are a shortage of men that are confident enough to make the effort and women appreciate a man who will. If Salsa isn’t you thing try swing or ballroom classes but in my experiences the Salsa groups attract more women.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## David51

As a woman looking for a man.....that is easy join any type of social group and show some interest in a man. We are pretty basic flirt with us show some interest is about all it takes. I’d avoid online dating because there are an awful lot of married men pretending to be single. Although some sights like eharmany that will press charges on a fraud. Still if I am shopping for a romantic friend I’d prefer to do it in person.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## MrsHolland

David51 said:


> As a woman looking for a man.....that is easy join any type of social group and show some interest in a man. We are pretty basic flirt with us show some interest is about all it takes. I’d avoid online dating because there *are an awful lot of married men pretending to be single.* Although some sights like eharmany that will press charges on a fraud. Still if I am shopping for a romantic friend I’d prefer to do it in person.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I was amazed at how many were married but stated that upfront. I never replied to any of them, just made me cringe. Some women may yield to the offers of being spoiled with gifts, dinners etc but to me they were all losers and I would never have had a coffee let alone anything else.


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## MovingForward

Andy1001 said:


> I read your other threads and I think you have done brilliantly since divorcing your wife and I honestly wish you nothing but happiness in the future.
> A word of caution though,do not fall for this girl.You repeatedly say she is out of your league and unfortunately for you she knows this.Women who constantly date the Ferrari driving millionaires very rarely settle for anything less.They may lower their standards for a while but never permanently.I speak from long experience here and I have seen this happen often.
> I really hope I’m wrong and you have a lifelong love affair with her but you are emotionally vulnerable at the moment so please be extra cautious with your feelings.


Thanks for reading and conversing @Andy1001. i am cautious I have to be as dont want to go through anything like my divorce ever again.


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## MovingForward

Lila said:


> Just my opinion but I think the reason that the vast majority of men "fail" (and I use that term for lack of a better word) at OLD is that it weighs heavily on visual and less so on anything else. The men who do well on OLD are those who have nice bodies or have "pretty" faces. This isn't to say that there are not success stories for the average man with a great profile, but for the most part it's very superficial.
> 
> The thing is that there are so many other physical attributes that women take into account that can't be captured in a photograph or a profile. The ones that come to mind right away are the timbre of their voice and speech patterns. Mannerisms or the way they move is another.
> 
> All of this to say, to those guys out there having trouble meeting women on OLD, it's not you. The methodology for meeting them is biased against you.


Yes that is exactly it, you need to do filtered pictures and make sure they are angled perfectly, perfect body and literally sell yourself as a piece of meat. I made mistake if you can call it that of being honest, no filtered pics, no old pics and was too embarrassed to really sell myself so kept it low key and had less meetings than maybe I could have and none particularly successful since the woman do the same so what you see online is not what you get in person.


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## mohamedsocialrem

MovingForward said:


> Yes that is exactly it, you need to do filtered pictures and make sure they are angled perfectly, perfect body and literally sell yourself as a piece of meat. I made mistake if you can call it that of being honest, no filtered pics, no old pics and was too embarrassed to really sell myself so kept it low key and had less meetings than maybe I could have and none particularly successful since the woman do the same so what you see online is not what you get in person.


ok .I agree that what you see usually is not what you get .so with is the right way to choose the right man or the right woman ? another question: with relations lasts more those right chosen on specific and multitude criteria or those based on spiritual and religious approach?

Trimis de pe al meu SM-J530F folosind Tapatalk


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## Diana7

mohamedsocialrem said:


> ok .I agree that what you see usually is not what you get .so with is the right way to choose the right man or the right woman ? another question: with relations lasts more those right chosen on specific and multitude criteria or those based on spiritual and religious approach?
> 
> Trimis de pe al meu SM-J530F folosind Tapatalk



It depends on what you are like. If you have a strong faith then its better if you seek someone who shares that faith. I wasn't interested in a man who wasn't a Christian, so I only went onto Christian dating sites.


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## Louise McCann

Clubs, bars, online dating, or ...on the street lol. 

I remember meeting this BEAUTIFUL male species at the sports bar. Tall dark handsome, 9/10. I asked him if the pool table was occupied and he asked for my number. We met like 4 times in the span of a week right before I went home for the holidays and it sorta just fizzled out. But when I say he was beautiful, oh boy. Definitely up there - he puts Tom Cruise, Bradley Cooper, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds to SHAME. Sadly, we never had sex, he was a gentleman. What a waste, maybe he lost interest.

I meet most guys online. On the street or randomly outside, they tend to be creepy or desperate? 

Tinder to me works well, as a girl I think it is MUCH easier to get matched, chances are almost 100%. The part I struggle with is swiping right or having quality conversation with someone. 

Frankly speaking, landing a date is a piece of cake for women, that's the easy part. Meeting the right guy who's up to standard & ticks all the boxes - kind handsome smart funny sexy .... 



Nearly impossible (for ME)


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