# Why is it



## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

Why is it that the infidelity thread has the most post and threads could this be a sign that it is hard to find people that have integrity and honesty these days it is so so sad to know this Lord have mercy


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

That is an interesting observation; I'm starting to think the same thing. I could never have cheated on my husband of 22 years, but he didn't have a problem doing it to me.......


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## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

Yea 827aug it seems to me that lack of faithfulness must be a character flaw in people themselves even in the christian relm my wife bless her soul has now cheated on me twice and abandoned me and I still cant even look at another woman my heart is hers even when we are seperated while she is in an affair as we speek


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Sorry to hear that. What's your story if you don't mind.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

It could be all that, or it could be that people search google for marriage help/forums when their spouse cheats to get comfort and help and this is the first one that comes up under google.

So, I'd say that probably at least 50% of the people that find this site find it because they just searched google after they've had marriage problems and most of those problems would be infadelity.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

This is my own theory but I think most people who cheat either emotionally or physically have low self esteem. They are looking for validation from another person that makes them feel special and wanted because they don't get it from within. Their spouse can be supportive but I think a good sense of self esteem has to come from yourself. Or I could be wrong. :scratchhead: I never thought about cheating on my ex in 16 years. I didn't want too but had plenty of offers.  I think people who also approach committed people have issues themselves. Maybe they don't think their worthy of being with a single, decent independent person so they try to snag someone who already has problems at home and is easy picking. I think these people have issues too and are scumbags!!!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

1nurse said:


> This is my own theory but I think most people who cheat either emotionally or physically have low self esteem.


I'm not sure on this one. My husband definitely didn't suffer from low self-esteem. It was quite the opposite. His ego was over-inflated. He is good looking and had plenty of money at the time. The more he cheated, the bigger that ego grew and the more the bank account shrank!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I think it's because of the pain of betrayal. Personally I could have accepted the fact that we had grown apart and she wanted a divorce. What I couldn't handle was the fact that for years I was living with a liar, she cheated and lied with no remorse. You look back over your marriage and question everything, that is what drove me to this site, the emotional pain of years of lies. Nothing hurts more than coming in second place with your spouse.

Cooper


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Cooper said:


> I think it's because of the pain of betrayal. Personally I could have accepted the fact that we had grown apart and she wanted a divorce. What I couldn't handle was the fact that for years I was living with a liar, she cheated and lied with no remorse. You look back over your marriage and question everything, that is what drove me to this site, the emotional pain of years of lies. Nothing hurts more than coming in second place with your spouse.
> 
> Cooper


:iagree:


You really summed up the cheating thing so well!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Well I think there is Multiple factors and reasons why people cheat, there is no clear cut answer.

Some people cheat becuase they got married to young.


Some are lonely in their marriages, low self esteem, big ego's.

I don't think people are "doing it more" they are just not hiding it as well.

Just think back before the 80's it was against every moral code to get divorced, so people just "lived with it" they pretended everything was happy and it did not exist.

Marriage is a continued work in progress, it takes constant work.

No marriage is perfect, but every marriage needs constant attention. If you don't it will surely falter.


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

I think that most of the people here found this site only after having been cheated on. i don't think this is a fair observation of the general population, but the few that find their way here looking for answers.

Statistically, about 50% of marriages will include infidelity. The general consensus is that the couple doesn't even realize that their marriage is in trouble until one partner or the other cheats.

most of these infidelities occur in relationships where the excitement has been replaced by (mostly unidentifiable) trouble. For others, it is just boredom over time.

I wish there was a way to know when things are getting to that point in a marriage before hearts are broken, trust is destroyed and tears are shed.

Most of the people here are truly innocent victims, but this is what happens when we walk around talking about our "perfect marriage". If things are too perfect, that should be a warning flag that there are problems.

It is like the alligator analogy I have used before... We watch the alligators from a safe distance, forgetting to look around us to see if there is any nearby danger. It is too late to do anything about it once the thing sneaks up on you and starts chewing your face off.

~Moog


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I have to disagree with GAsoccermen, I think people are cheating more now than in the past, but I have no statistics to back up my opinion, and yes I could be wrong.

I would also bet that women are cheating much more than in the past. Look at our parents generation, they did things as couples, shopping, dinner with friends, trips, dad may have done things on his own but (my) mom never did, she didn't even drive. Today women are on equal footing with men, they work outside the home, go to the gym, take vacations with their friends. So much time apart is OK but it creates more opportunity to cheat. And no, I am not bashing women so don't shoot me!

My point is it's much easier to cheat than it use to be, lots of time apart, each person has their own money, we want what we want now mentality. Two of the biggest avenues for cheating are the internet and text messages, you can build a whole relationship and fall in love sometimes without even meeting the other person. 

Anyway, just my thoughts.
Cooper


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree:


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## SEH (Mar 2, 2009)

Is cheating something to be proud of? Hollywood does not help either. The tabloids always talk about divorces and people cheating on each other. Is that a good example?


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

Yeah, SEH, I have to agree with that as well. Society has cheapened down the commitment of marriage and made infidelity "trendy".

By the way... I don't much care for the word "infidelity". "Cheating" sounds much more slimy, underhanded, hateful, sleazy, shameful and is MUCH more realistic to what it is.

~Moog


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I like your logic moogvo, tell it like it is. The word infidelity was probably coined by some slime ball cheater, you know how they try and down play and sugar coat everything! 

You know at this point I am on the fence about married for life. I WAS married for life, as unhappy as I was I am not sure I would have ended things. But now that were divorced I am much, much happier! I would rather be alone forever than be back in a marriage like I had. BUT, no matter how bad things got I would have never cheated! 

As far as marriage being cheapened by Hollywood I kind of agree, but the blame is still on us as individuals and parents. Infidelity, drugs, drinking, violence, the entertainment industry in general has desensitised us to it all, but they only give us what we want. There is no law making us watch and buy the crap, yet we do, and we even buy it for our kids. I remember years ago my daughter's friend came over and brought the movie "The spy who shagged me". I said no way, not here. I didn't believe her when she said her parents bought it for her so I called and talked to her mom, her mom said it was one of their families favorite movie's! The kids were probably 11 years old! My point is WE can do something about what Hollywood produces, stop watching and buying the crap!

I guess this is all still related to the original question that started this thread! 

Cooper


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## kate_spencer (Feb 20, 2009)

findingpeace said:


> Why is it that the infidelity thread has the most post and threads could this be a sign that it is hard to find people that have integrity and honesty these days it is so so sad to know this Lord have mercy


well, yeah, I just noticed that.. maybe this is what we have to live with, though not to totally deal with it and just accept that people can't really be trusted.. but it's a reality that we have to accept and face, and to hopefully erase in our relationships. 
Maybe if it's just some kind of a disease and there's a cure on it or some kind of medication and it'll be healed.. it has been cured and been the most in demand medicine of all.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

827Aug said:


> I'm not sure on this one. My husband definitely didn't suffer from low self-esteem. It was quite the opposite. His ego was over-inflated. He is good looking and had plenty of money at the time. The more he cheated, the bigger that ego grew and the more the bank account shrank!


Doesn't mean he didn't suffer from self esteem issues. Its perceived lack of oneself. Doesn't have to be true. My husband is extremely good looking, it great shape, and when people meet they always like him. The last person you'd think suffered from self-esteem issues. Well age 40 hit and he didn't feel like he used to and at one point would have died rather than admit he was feeling the affects of age so he had to disprove it. Now that he has faced that, and admitted that he no longer has an issue of self-esteem. Its funny how self-esteem works, sometimes those that have every reason to have high self-esteem, have low self-esteem.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Well I just think that people get stuck in a rut with one and other and get comfy when you have to still date and try to impress so when they meet someone new who is all about them and making them feel good????? hmmmm.......... I just think that its always been that way we are all human and need love right?


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