# Should a man have something extra



## examp (Aug 6, 2020)

Instead of replying to posts where women complain that their husband spends their time on video games etc. I will make a new one. I believe a man even though working full time has to have something extra. What I mean is that he should for instance study something as well. It makes no difference what it is but better if he has some 'paper' at the end to show for it. He of course shouldnt spend all his 'extra' time on it but it gives his life a purpose which playing video games doesnt.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think everyone should have something extra. I think everyone should get goals and work to achieve them. Video games are fun and mindless and we need that type of thing in our life as well. But yes, we should always be working to achieve a goal.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

You're quite sassy for someone who just got here. 😂

What is the extra thing you study that gives your life purpose, since we know you're not wasting your time on video games?


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## examp (Aug 6, 2020)

minimalME said:


> You're quite sassy for someone who just got here. 😂
> 
> What is the extra thing you study that gives your life purpose, since we know you're not wasting your time on video games?


I wasnt aware that one has to be here a long time to be 'sassy'. How do you all know I dont play video games. 
I am not expecting anyone to 'study' anything special so what I do is of no interest to anyone.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

That’s the thing though... one person’s ‘extra’ is another person’s ‘waste of time’. To each his own. That’s the only way you can live free. I have all kinds of ‘extra’ in my life that other people might think was ridiculous. Choices, ya know? Live free.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

And hostile too. Welcome! 🙂



examp said:


> I wasnt aware that one has to be here a long time to be 'sassy'. How do you all know I dont play video games.
> I am not expecting anyone to 'study' anything special so what I do is of no interest to anyone.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I played some games when I was younger and the kids were still home and I played a little during a 2 month shutdown but mostly don't anymore. I am into fitness, reading (mostly the Bible and related topics) and I'm working on technical certifications.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

To each their own but it seems like a waste of time to plant yourself in front of a TV when there are so many other things you can do.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My wife and I have similar interests. We are both accountants, and have been for over 40 years. However, we both have interests outside of our professions. I have cartooned, and sold several pieces at our ComicCon and FanExpo. (I can do photo-realism, and my favorite subjects are the Man of Steel, and the Dark Knight) My wife is a very gifted oil painter. I have her work in my office and my business partner had a massive work by my wife adorning the wall behind her desk. She has had showings in several small venues over the years. I admit that the TV is on in the background in my studio/office, but when I am at my drawing board (there really is such a thing) it is just white noise. I admit to owning video games, however, it is stuff from old arcade games from the 80's. Classics, like Pac-Man, Donkey-Kong, Burgertime, Qix etc etc etc.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I believe that everyone should feel free to do whatever makes them happy and gives their lives meaning. And they should NOT be made to feel bad for whatever that is FOR THEM.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> I believe that everyone should feel free to do whatever makes them happy and gives their lives meaning. And they should NOT be made to feel bad for whatever that is FOR THEM.


But I kind of disagree with this. Because there are unhealthy hobbies. And just because we think it feels good to do them doesn’t mean it is. Some partners can slip too far into whatever forum of escapism they choose and it can negatively effect everyone. Whether that be social media, video games, reading... whatever.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TRUE! I meant with moderation, for sure!! 

But I have known people who think THEIR type of choices are more worthy because THEY find value in them, and they think their way of judging what is valuable is the ONLY right way. And that drives me crazy!! 

I believe people should be free to define what is valuable for themselves. And they deserve to have their choices respected for (at the least) being THEIR personal choices. I may not agree with there being value in what matters to them, but I don't think what I value is better or worse, just different.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I don't mind anyone playing video games in moderation. 

I don't play them but sitting down next to my son while he's playing I have learned a lot about them. He's an 11 year old who likes to play Minecraft. It's a different idea of fun and socialization. I'm actually amazed at the complicated buildings and worlds they build. He has his team of friends and cousins who get together to build things virtually. 

I don't like them for myself. But if others like them that's ok. 

I do other mindless things to have fun like watching TV or doing tiktoks with my daughter. 

Do we always need to do something with a purpose? Doing nothing or doing silly things puts me in a good mood. I think my family appreciates me more when I'm in a good mood. 

It's a win-win situation for everyone.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

As long as you find personal value in it.

Golfing, stamp collecting, and beer brewing are all valuable to the person doing it. Worthy "somethings extra". But that doesn't mean they are appreciated by those that don't participate.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

As long as there is not neglecting and giving the relationship its dues. We all can have the down-time we want any-which way you want. take for example in the evenings when my wife's want to enjoy doing some sawing I sit almost next to her in the computer and play Diablo III while she's sawing. We both are doing our thing but, at the same time we are interacting. we talk, we discuss things, we get into a rapport. Other times when at home and what we want do on our own, because is not possible together, we first get our time, then we're off, always returning back to be together at the end. We like it like this. It gives to both of us the chance to express our individuality, and our togetherness. As a matter of fact, as time goes by, we can feel that the need to be together is more and more, to the point that after a whole day out by myself all I want to do is go home to be with her. Is so uncanny that when out of the house for a while i get the urge to call my wife, and right before I do, my phone rings; it's her calling!!! to check on me. We talk about this, and she always jokes: that's because I have a little video camera on you, and I call you when I know that you are reaching for the phone..


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> I think everyone should have something extra. I think everyone should get goals and work to achieve them. Video games are fun and mindless and we need that type of thing in our life as well. But yes, we should always be working to achieve a goal.


I'm almost 57 years old. I'm no longer spending my free time trying to achieve a goal. I've put 30 years into the work force, constantly upgrading my skills to remain useful. I own my home outright, raised two children, and have a 3 1/2 decade marriage under my belt. More and more, I am spending time doing things that I LIKE (including wasting some of it here), which at the end of the day have to achieve absolutely nothing of lasting import. So count me out of your "we".


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

minimalME said:


> And hostile too. Welcome! 🙂


Some of us are here to exchange ideas, and not to gain the acceptance of the clique. If that sounds hostile, it doesn't need to.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Everyone is welcome to join in on all threads - except the private area, which is hardly touched.

So, if you think there are cliques, because you choose not to participate, then that's on you. 









It's Only A Clique If You're Not In It


A reaction to recent accusations in the SEO industry that awards, etc. are only going to people's friends, and how this topic has implications for all of our social interactions.



moz.com







SpinyNorman said:


> Some of us are here to exchange ideas, and not to gain the acceptance of the clique. If that sounds hostile, it doesn't need to.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

The thread title asks what a man should do, the OP discusses what his partner expects. Both are sensible questions.

Regarding "should", I don't think it is healthy to spend all of your time on mindless crap, but OTOH if you do it isn't hurting me. Opinions on what is ambition vs. mindless vary a lot. I had a worthless teacher in HS who gave bonus points if you claimed to read stuff she liked, but none for the stuff I liked. When I got to college I found a bunch of academic courses were easy A's due to the "crap" I'd read in HS.

As for your partner's expectations, she(or he) is free to expect whatever she wants. My spouse has a hobby that would be pure tedium to me, but it engages her and that is what matters. I think it makes her a more lively person as well as demonstrates there is more to her than meeting essential needs.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

minimalME said:


> Everyone is welcome to join in on all threads - except the private area, which is hardly touched.
> 
> So, if you think there are cliques, because you choose not to participate, then that's on you.
> 
> ...


Don't know what you mean about not participate, I clearly am.

I think some people view this as a place to make e-friends, some of us just as a place to exchange ideas. Either is ok, but when I'm meeting people for the purpose of friendship, I respect the principle that familiarity is an incremental process. Since I'm just here to exchange ideas, none of that applies and I don't bother cultivating relationships in the forum.


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## examp (Aug 6, 2020)

None of my posts are ever accepted, I dont belong to the clique. Or perhaps they are not understood. I would also agree with the last poster, that it is also better to have different hobbies. It isnt usually good for both to do 'everything' together. A couple also have to be separate at times.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Cletus said:


> I'm almost 57 years old. I'm no longer spending my free time trying to achieve a goal. I've put 30 years into the work force, constantly upgrading my skills to remain useful. I own my home outright, raised two children, and have a 3 1/2 decade marriage under my belt. More and more, I am spending time doing things that I LIKE (including wasting some of it here), which at the end of the day have to achieve absolutely nothing of lasting import. So count me out of your "we".


Oh yeah, this. 

Post high school, I have a total of 8 additional years of education. I've worked hard in a couple of careers in which I've had to learn a **** ton on the job and in my current job I'm constantly learning and having to keep up with changes.

I've raised two children. I'm an excellent mother. I've kept up a home. 

**** that, my goal after work and keeping life on track IS TO HAVE FUN.

That's my goal, oh yeah.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

examp said:


> None of my posts are ever accepted, I dont belong to the clique. Or perhaps they are not understood. I would also agree with the last poster, that it is also better to have different hobbies. It isnt usually good for both to do 'everything' together. A couple also have to be separate at times.


On the clique, know that it is real.
Also, though, you may be clicked_ in and on_ at this moment, you can be _clicked out_ for one post.
Usually, a political post, one not to the 'others' dear liking.

Worry less about the clique and more about your own thoughts and deep feelings.
On those feelings, usually thought by others as 'extreme', post thoughtfully and cautiously.

We have never followed this advice and we have lost supporters along the way.
They are still with us, some of them the silent majority.

How is this known?
They leave their scent, and our dog lets us know.

A hobby is that sweet icing on the earthly tasting cake, that is life.


_The HeadMates-_


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Cletus said:


> *I'm almost 57 years old.* I'm no longer spending my free time trying to achieve a goal. I've put 30 years into the work force, constantly upgrading my skills to remain useful. I own my home outright, raised two children, and have a 3 1/2 decade marriage under my belt. More and more, I am spending time doing things that I LIKE (including wasting some of it here), which at the end of the day have to achieve absolutely nothing of lasting import. So count me out of your "we".


Wait...huh?? Why did I think you were my dad's age...? All this time I've been picturing you 12yrs older...Lol!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

LisaDiane said:


> Wait...huh?? Why did I think you were my dad's age...? All this time I've been picturing you 12yrs older...Lol!


If you saw me in person, you'd make the same mistake!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

examp said:


> None of my posts are ever accepted, I dont belong to the clique. Or perhaps they are not understood. I would also agree with the last poster, that it is also better to have different hobbies. It isnt usually good for both to do 'everything' together. A couple also have to be separate at times.


There is NO clique...only the appearance of one, and that's only from regular posters talking to eachother, and arguing with eachother. @minimalME was ONLY teasing you, good naturedly. I do it alot too...and it's because I don't take myself very seriously, nor others, and I love to laugh and be light-hearted. If you take yourself more seriously, that's fine, but don't think that your posts aren't "ever accepted" - of course they are! You get responses, and sometimes the posters who don't agree with you can teach you the most!!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Cletus said:


> If you saw me in person, you'd make the same mistake!


Lol!! NOOOOO...I just DON'T believe that!!!


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## examp (Aug 6, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> There is NO clique...only the appearance of one, and that's only from regular posters talking to eachother, and arguing with eachother. @minimalME was ONLY teasing you, good naturedly. I do it alot too...and it's because I don't take myself very seriously, nor others, and I love to laugh and be light-hearted. If you take yourself more seriously, that's fine, but don't think that your posts aren't "ever accepted" - of course they are! You get responses, and sometimes the posters who don't agree with you can teach you the most!!


I rarely get responses. I consider marriage a serious business and take myself here very seriously. The main problem here is that posters dont tell the full story. And dont even want you to know it. All they want is for you to agree with them which almost everyone, as part of the clique does. Of course between the lines they 'let something go' which to me gives a different perspective on it..


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Everybody has right to his/her personal time, hobby etc. The threads where spouses are complaining about it are about those cases where the other spouse gets addicted to something, while neglecting family and his/her own life. Play video game an hour a day, great. Play 4-5 hours every day, - we have a problem.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

examp said:


> I rarely get responses. I consider marriage a serious business and take myself here very seriously. The main problem here is that posters dont tell the full story. And dont even want you to know it. All they want is for you to agree with them which almost everyone, as part of the clique does. Of course between the lines they 'let something go' which to me gives a different perspective on it..


You've been here _all of 8 days_ and you are making a judgment about postings on this forum. Ha!


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## examp (Aug 6, 2020)

Livvie said:


> You've been here _all of 8 days_ and you are making a judgment about postings on this forum. Ha!


Most judges dont take that long over court cases


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

examp said:


> I rarely get responses. I consider marriage a serious business and take myself here very seriously. The main problem here is that posters dont tell the full story. And dont even want you to know it. All they want is for you to agree with them which almost everyone, as part of the clique does. Of course between the lines they 'let something go' which to me gives a different perspective on it..


Well, sit back, enjoy, contribute, and put away the victim card for a little while.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

examp said:


> I rarely get responses. I consider marriage a serious business and take myself here very seriously. The main problem here is that posters dont tell the full story. And dont even want you to know it. *All they want is for you to agree with them which almost everyone, as part of the clique does.* Of course between the lines they 'let something go' which to me gives a different perspective on it..


First, I want to make sure you notice that you are getting lots of responses here, so I think it helps to post a topic that lots of people are interested in, and will respond to. It's not YOU personally, it's what people relate to in your posts.

Also, I think marriage is serious too (kind of, I guess), but having been hurt ALOT within my two marriages, I have to laugh at some things (even ironically), or else I would be too depressed to get out of bed. But that's just ME, and I don't expect everyone to see the humor in the same things I do...I can't help pointing it out sometimes, though!

Second, for the part of your reply that I bolded -- if you think THAT, you missed a few threads and posts a couple of weeks ago where many regular posters were arguing and disagreeing with eachother about how contentious this forum has become! VERY FEW posters were agreeing with eachother!!
The interesting part was, each person was right in their own way (I find that fascinating...)!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Yeah, it's a forum. People have different opinions. I can argue with a poster on one thread, and agree with him/her on another. It only reminds you that even with those who have very different views from mine, I can still find something in common. And you are here longer, you start knowing stories of some people, particularly those who went through similar problems like you. That makes you closer, because you understand each other situation. It doesn't mean there is a clique.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

C.C. says ... said:


> That’s the thing though... one person’s ‘extra’ is another person’s ‘waste of time’. To each his own. That’s the only way you can live free. I have all kinds of ‘extra’ in my life that other people might think was ridiculous. Choices, ya know? Live free.



Well said my friend!

Then there's that fishing song, by Brad Paisley "I'm Gonna Miss Her".


Somewhere in the middle is best. Or not, each their own.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think some people like to live an unstructured life, and do whatever they feel like doing when they feel like doing it. Other people like to plan, set goals, and feel like they are growing/changing in a measurable way. 

Neither is wrong, it’s just personality. 

I know personally that if I don’t set goals and plan, I will be in the same spot and I will be the same person year after year and I don’t like that feeling.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Well said my friend!
> 
> Then there's that fishing song, by Brad Paisley "I'm Gonna Miss Her".
> 
> ...


I'm with Brad on that one. I'm going fishing. You can tag along or find something else to do, but you ain't gonna keep me from it. 😁


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> I think some people like to live an unstructured life, and do whatever they feel like doing when they feel like doing it. Other people like to plan, set goals, and feel like they are growing/changing in a measurable way.
> 
> Neither is wrong, it’s just personality.
> 
> *I know personally that if I don’t set goals and plan, I will be in the same spot and I will be the same person year after year and I don’t like that feeling.*


Some things couples can compromise on or give up for eachother, but I don't think this bolded part is one of them for you...I think you need to find someone who understands and shares this feeling with you, because this is a key part of what makes you happy.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

examp said:


> Most judges dont take that long over court cases


Actually, they do. Geez. 

Yours is kinda a silly reply, anyway.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I’m studying and working. I have moments of questioning the study when thinking of all this time and effort for just one other person to read my work (the tutor), but Batman reminds me what I’m getting out of it when I have those moments.

Sometimes (with staying home at the moment) I enjoy playing the piano, which is a solitary pleasure of unwinding - although he doesn’t mind hearing me practice. And yeah, the chores sometimes get left until later. And during the work day, it’s the last thing on my mind to get laundry on as the pace is consistently busy and pretty stressful. So when I need to chill the funk out solo, it’s the piano or perhaps listening to music. Another factor here is that we don’t have kids.

Batman is good with all this... as we make time together and he has his own stuff he enjoys too. Granted, I ought to make more effort to walk the dogs with him. I’ve never had a real routine with chores, despite thinking it’s good to have, but things still gets done. With a bit of messy living in between. Where I’m super focused and disciplined in some aspects (work and study), it’s not the case with all aspects of my life. If I were though, I could imagine how nice it would be to have everything in order... but I also know that for me at least, I’d be tightly wound.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

examp said:


> Instead of replying to posts where women complain that their husband spends their time on video games etc. I will make a new one. I believe a man even though working full time has to have something extra. What I mean is that he should for instance study something as well. It makes no difference what it is but better if he has some 'paper' at the end to show for it. He of course shouldnt spend all his 'extra' time on it but it gives his life a purpose which playing video games doesnt.


Why would you think this is controversial? I don't get it.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

I find that needing to get/earn a piece of paper is the only way to
measure if time is being used wisely is not the only way to measure
success.

Though I am anti video games. Kids should outdoors for physical health,
and learning real life skills through chores and family hobbies. Learning
how to work, developing a work ethic and the feeling of real accomplishment.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

examp said:


> Instead of replying to posts where women complain that their husband spends their time on video games etc. I will make a new one. I believe a man even though working full time has to have something extra. What I mean is that he should for instance study something as well. It makes no difference what it is but better if he has some 'paper' at the end to show for it. He of course shouldnt spend all his 'extra' time on it but it gives his life a purpose which playing video games doesnt.


The 'waste of time' and worthwhile 'something extra' are a matter of perspective. For instance, during a year+ of my marriage I was reading the 12 volume History of Middle Earth that discusses the development of the world and stories of JRR Tolkien. It is a detailed look at basically all of the drafts that he went through while writing The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and The Silmarillion. Following and digesting it was more challenging than any of the English classes I had in college so it was the opposite of mindless. My wife also saw it as a pointless waste of time.  According to her I should have been watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy or The Amazing Race or Married at First Sight instead.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

heartsbeating said:


> I’m studying and working. I have moments of questioning the study when thinking of all this time and effort for just one other person to read my work (the tutor), but Batman reminds me what I’m getting out of it when I have those moments.
> 
> Sometimes (with staying home at the moment) I enjoy playing the piano, which is a solitary pleasure of unwinding - although he doesn’t mind hearing me practice. And yeah, the chores sometimes get left until later. And during the work day, it’s the last thing on my mind to get laundry on as the pace is consistently busy and pretty stressful. So when I need to chill the funk out solo, it’s the piano or perhaps listening to music. Another factor here is that we don’t have kids.
> 
> Batman is good with all this... as we make time together and he has his own stuff he enjoys too. Granted, I ought to make more effort to walk the dogs with him. *I’ve never had a real routine with chores, despite thinking it’s good to have, but things still gets done. With a bit of messy living in between. Where I’m super focused and disciplined in some aspects (work and study), it’s not the case with all aspects of my life. If I were though, I could imagine how nice it would be to have everything in order... but I also know that for me at least, I’d be tightly wound.*


I think we are kindred spirits!!!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

examp said:


> Instead of replying to posts where women complain that their husband spends their time on video games etc. I will make a new one. I believe a man even though working full time has to have something extra. What I mean is that he should for instance study something as well. It makes no difference what it is but better if he has some 'paper' at the end to show for it. He of course shouldnt spend all his 'extra' time on it but it gives his life a purpose which playing video games doesnt.


Why is it only the MAN who should be studying and working? What is the woman doing with her free time? 

I do think that everyone should keep learning but people also need time to unwind, for some people that's with meaningless ****. I like learning new things every day but that doesn't have to be done in a classroom while forking over thousands of dollars for a piece of paper. I've done plenty of schooling and have four pieces of paper to show for it, and if I want to spend some free time playing video games to unwind then so be it. I almost always listen to videos or books while playing video games. Two birds, one stone.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I don't have ANY pieces of paper for MY goals...well, wait...I DO have an Associates Degree, would that be a HALF of a piece...?? Lol!!
Most of my goals and the things that give me satisfaction have NO actual value in the business/academic world!!!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> I DO have an Associates Degree, would that be a HALF of a piece...?? Lol!!


In that case, I have 3½ pieces of paper to show for it


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Art projects related to my interests.

Self study - optics, photonics, and a little particle physics.

At the moment atmospheric optics - rainbows. 🌈🌦💦

And storms. I love storms. 😳



bobert said:


> What is the woman doing with her free time?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

minimalME said:


> Art projects related to my interests.
> 
> Self study - optics, photonics, and a little particle physics.
> 
> ...


Ok, now I think you are AWESOME!!!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

You're so sweet - thank you. 🤗



LisaDiane said:


> Ok, now I think you are AWESOME!!!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

examp said:


> I rarely get responses. I consider marriage a serious business and take myself here very seriously. The main problem here is that posters dont tell the full story. And dont even want you to know it. All they want is for you to agree with them which almost everyone, as part of the clique does. Of course between the lines they 'let something go' which to me gives a different perspective on it..


I'll speak for myself and say, sometimes when you have nothing good to say, it's best to say nothing at all. Do you want legitimate responses to your "serious business ", or do you want to hear jackasses braying in the wind ?



Livvie said:


> You've been here _all of 8 days_ and you are making a judgment about postings on this forum. Ha!


Yup...


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## examp (Aug 6, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> I'll speak for myself and say, sometimes when you have nothing good to say, it's best to say nothing at all. Do you want legitimate responses to your "serious business ", or do you want to hear jackasses braying in the wind ?


I am not sure what you mean by good and to whom you are referring. Do you mean that all my posts are best left unsaid on here since I am not part of the clique.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

examp said:


> Instead of replying to posts where women complain that their husband spends their time on video games etc. I will make a new one. I believe a man even though working full time has to have something extra. What I mean is that he should for instance study something as well. It makes no difference what it is but better if he has some 'paper' at the end to show for it. He of course shouldnt spend all his 'extra' time on it but it gives his life a purpose which playing video games doesnt.


How does this benefit you exactly?

You talk of men like a dog or a sports car or something. A dog should have this, a man should have this. It's really kinda gross. Why are you so concerned about someone else's purpose and not your own?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Hiner112 said:


> The 'waste of time' and worthwhile 'something extra' are a matter of perspective. For instance, during a year+ of my marriage I was reading the 12 volume History of Middle Earth that discusses the development of the world and stories of JRR Tolkien. It is a detailed look at basically all of the drafts that he went through while writing The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and The Silmarillion. Following and digesting it was more challenging than any of the English classes I had in college so it was the opposite of mindless. My wife also saw it as a pointless waste of time.  According to her I should have been watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy or The Amazing Race or Married at First Sight instead.


The Silmarillion - Just the greatest. Spent 6 months reading that with a reference book so I could keep everyone straight. Great times.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> I don't have ANY pieces of paper for MY goals...well, wait...I DO have an Associates Degree, would that be a HALF of a piece...?? Lol!!
> Most of my goals and the things that give me satisfaction have NO actual value in the business/academic world!!!


Either do mine! And that doesn’t make them any less important!


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

How you spend your free time is your own business, and I think as soon as any of us declares a hobby "dumb" we will see someone smarter than us who has that as a hobby. I also think most smart people spend some time doing mindless crap and that isn't unhealthy. So much for "should".

If I met someone whose only hobby was watching game shows I would suspect they were shallow/dumb/uninteresting though maybe if I knew them better I'd be surprised.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

examp said:


> I am not sure what you mean by good and to whom you are referring. Do you mean that all my posts are best left unsaid on here since I am not part of the clique.


Good responses as in relevant, constructive - basically a response that is actually valuable in shedding light on your situation instead of commiserating with you to validate your mindset. 

I read your original post and had no contribution, so I remained silent, others may have also. Would you prefer people to kiss your ass or kick you while you're down? Or would you prefer perspective and support while you figure out your response?

I think you are being willfully obtuse and trying to pull a power trip with strangers on the internet to boost your selfesteem since you are afraid to be assertive with your wife. 

Your comment about cliques and the in crowd reeks of resentment, entitlement, especially when you, like every one of us here came to this place with our hands out, asking for help. 

Sow discord, reap the whirlwind.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

examp said:


> I am not sure what you mean by good and to whom you are referring. Do you mean that all my posts are best left unsaid on here since I am not part of the clique.


Let me tell you, as someone who has NEVER seen ANY "clique" on here at all, you are seeing what YOU CHOOSE to see with posters. I respond to everyone equally (depending on my level of interest in the topic), and from what I've noticed from the responses I've received to MY posts, so does everyone else.

STOP mentioning a "clique" if you aren't going to believe anyone's responses to you about it. If you are sure you are so right about it, why keep mentioning it??

No one has ANY motivation to argue with you about this - if there truly was any "clique", those people would openly state it and tell others to stay away. YOU are the only one being unfriendly, negative, and confrontational. You don't seem to make any posts that attempt to build connections with anyone, nor do you seem to want to help anyone - you just want to draw attention to yourself, NOT through a spirit of interest and understanding, but in a spirit of victimhood and belittling others.
I think that's childish, and I won't indulge it.

You are either going to post constructive, friendly responses, and make friends, or you are going to continue to be negative and contentious, and alienate others. Whatever YOU choose to do will determine what types of experiences you have with the posters on this site.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

sokillme said:


> The Silmarillion - Just the greatest. Spent 6 months reading that with a reference book so I could keep everyone straight. Great times.


My 21yr old daughter LOVES all things JRR Tolkien, and is our resident expert on all the lore! She has EVERY book she can find on The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings!!!


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