# NYS Custody Laws on relocating



## Gwyeneth (Feb 28, 2010)

I am currently awaiting advice from an attorney, but if anyone from NYS who has shared this experience, I's appreciate your help:

12 yrs ago when I was 18, I had a child out of wedlock, in which the relationship ended fast. The father and I settled custody in family court with Joint custody; I'm the primary caretaker. I wanted full custody at the time, but I was afraid of him, since he was a very verbally abusive man and his parents where even worse. Now I am married to a lovely man & he is from the South & wants to bring myself & my daughter with him to Florida. My family members also reside their so it would be a nice reunion. 

My daughter really is excited and is pressuring me to move as well. She gets along with her dad, but sees her grandparents more often (every other week- she'll see him once or twice a month). Her father is also married now with 4 children. She is a bright child and I know she'll flourish wherever she goes; she is very stable. We live on a busy street, so she doesn't have too many friends to play with. Plus she has to transition to another Middle school come Sept. I truly believe her father won't care if we move, but the grandparents are the ones who will be upset and pressure their son to stop me. 

I rarely see or speak to her father...ALL communication is through his parents who pick her up during visitation and call all the shots. I am dreading bringing this up to him, since I haven't spoken to him in years.

All of us, including my daughter feel trapped and I need to know if we can leave now that she's 12, or must we wait until she's 18-21 yrs old? 

Thanks. All states have different jurisdictions, so if anyone from NY can help, I'd be thrilled!


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

The Daughter <=> Father relationship is 100X more important than the Daughter <=> Grandparents relationship.

You should not do this unless your Ex is in full agreement.

When you make your request to your Ex, make sure to spell out exactly how the financial burden of transporting your daughter for parental visits will be handled.

He is more likely to be supportive if you agree to pay for the transportation costs for visitation after you move South.

If you live on Long Island, and plan on moving to Atlanta, Southwest airlines would do the trick for $80 and 2:30 plane ride, round trip.

If you live in Albany and plan to move to ElPaso transportation will involve $1500 per round trip ticket, and a three-stop airline hop that will take 12 hours and be unworkable without an accompanying adult.

The 40X difference between 2:30 hours + $80 and 12+12 hours and $1500+$1500 is the same as the 40X difference between a $60 tank of gas and a $2400 new car.

The devil will be in the details on this one. So, tell your husband the details -- put your best foot forward, and tell him that if he supports you on this one you will promise to be there for him whenever he needs you.

Good luck.


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## Gwyeneth (Feb 28, 2010)

Yes, that'll be quite an expense! But like I stated before, her father was never in her life, until her grandparents pressured him, so I don't think he'll care to see her. The problem is their influence on him. That's up to the courts to organize an agreement on the visitation/payment arrangements. 

ANother factor is I would no longer accept child support from him, should I move. 

We'll see. My husband is a professional driver (does so for a living, so he would drive to NY and back to South and we can travel with him, so gas and travel may not be an issue after all).

Thanks for the insight! I'll have a chat with him.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Hi Gwyenth - On the comment that you would no longer accept child support - I don't think that is your choice. The court decides what is to be paid (and you pay a portion as well in the paper work - its just not a written check). It is for your child and her father is responsible for helping to support her (unless your state has a clause allowing him to give up all paternity rights and that would negate it - maybe). If you don't take it, she will most likely have the right to sure her father once she reaches 18 for back child support. It would be best (if you don't want to take his money) to have it set up where he puts it into a savings account for her to use when she goes to college.


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## Gwyeneth (Feb 28, 2010)

Thanks. I never thought about that. He sure wouldn't be happy if he owed in arrears. 

This will be a long process and we may just have to stay here if he is not cooperative. I'm sure my husband , whom married me knowing i had a child, will accept whatever decision the court will make based on what's best for his child.


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