# HELP! Dealing with Separation



## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Let me give you a bit of background on myself before we continue. I’m a passive-aggressive person that has issues with communication and expressing my feelings. You can blame me for most of this but all I want is to see if anyone can relate and/or give any advice on how to cope with this issue.
My wife and I have had a very rough relationship since the beginning; there was no abuse in our relationship. We’ve been married for 4 years (5 years this year) and it seems that all we’ve done has been to “try” to keep this relationship going. I’m not going to go into specifics on where I lived and specific events because I don’t know if my wife (or her friends) frequent these sites.
When we first married I lived in LOCATION A (LOC A) for all my life and she lived in LOCATION B (LOC B), she decided to move down to LOC A with me. Some days we would argue and the next day we would be okay, this went on for about 8 months. Near the end of the 8 months she got pregnant and home sick so she decided to move back to LOC B. She called this our separation period which lasted most of her pregnancy until I moved to LOC B to be with her and my newborn child.
About a year ago she wanted to get a divorce because she was unhappy. We went to counseling, as individuals, but stopped after a few sessions. We recently argued about this and I told her that we both made the mistake to stop going if we really wanted this to work out. She came back and said that our counselor stated that I was very hard to read and that I didn’t express myself (which I did, because I cared about our marriage). Again, our lived just seemed to go back to normal without any arguments; just a few minor ones here and there, but nothing major.
Now here we are in the present day. She got fed up one day and told me to move out because she needed her space. So I respected that and I did so. I’ve been out of my house for almost a month and it seems like the hardest thing ever, even worse when we split up the first time. Her reasoning for this separation was because she is tired of trying and she is exhausted and has nothing left to give. She says that she doesn’t even know me, that we have nothing in common /we’re not compatible /we’re two different people, that we have nothing to talk about and the only reason that we’re together is because of our beautiful son. I will agree with her when she says that she doesn’t know anything about me because I’ve never expressed my deepest feelings, ever. This I regret and I’m seeking counseling to find ways to cope with this and learn to overcome being judged when I do express myself. She says that we don’t have anything in common but the way that I see it is that it doesn’t matter what you have in common, it’s how you deal with incompatibility. The two main things that we need are; that we both want our relationship to work and that we are both willing to make changes to continually improve our relationship. 
Most of these things have transpired because of my inability to communicate with her, which is why I said earlier that I’m willing to take the blame. I just want her to see that I’m trying and that I love her with all my heart. I’ve told her “If you love something so much, you need to learn to let it go. And if it is your decision to part ways then I will respect that.” I’m willing to do anything in my power to keep this family together and to delay this ____ (I hate saying the “D” word…).
I was so hurt one day that I told her “How much longer do I have to wait because this is hurting even more that it’s hurting you. If you want to get a divorce, just do it now.” This made her cry and she knows that I’m hurting. 
Like I’ve said many times, I’m willing to make this marriage work; even though my wife isn’t willing to make an effort. I hate when she says this “It’s a little too late…” maybe it’s true but I’m trying to keep my head up and my heart strong. I will continue to fight for what I believe in.
I don’t know how else to deal with all of this depression, anxiety and stress. It’s taking a toll on my spiritual and physical wellbeing. I’ve been on many forums and blogs on how to deal with separation and ways to cope.
I found a forum that listed the “Ten Commandments” from a user by the name of “Synthetic” some of you may have heard of it. It contains “The 180” and “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. I’ll attach my word documents for reference.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Synthetic's 10 Commandments:

1. Read this link - Just Let Them Go

2. Follow the following rules: The 180 degree rules

3. Read this short book in the next 24 hours: No More Mr. Nice Guy

4. Separate all finances and stop supporting her 'single' lifestyle

5. Book a counseling appointment ASAP

6. Doesn't matter how you do it, but sweat the pain of anxiety out. Treadmills are your best friend. Use them. This is very important: You need to physically feel spent before you hit bed every night. 

7. Think a lot, read a lot, and cry as needed - This particular link should be open in your browser at all times and read multiple times: DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?

8. Find your social worth by socializing with as many people as possible (females work better). Spend time with friends, but don't just settle for your circle of friends. This is the best time to make new ones and feel attractive/attracted. You're not looking for sex or a relationship. You're looking for natural human attraction between you and others.

9. Do whatever it takes to go on a trip that involves a long flight, preferably to a country where English or your first language is not spoken

10. Start living an 'overly' fun life without feeling any guilt. This is the hardest task ahead. It's important to wash the guilt out of yourself once you have realized where it originates from via all the reading and counseling you've done.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

The 180
For those that are interested in Michelle Weiner Davis's divorce busting 180 degree list, here it is:

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.

2 things to think about if you do this: 

1) You have to do the 180 list NOT to be manipulative but because it's the right thing to do for you. You have to heal from this experience. You have to back off for your own sanity now. You have to have a plan and know that you will be a better person with or without them after all is said and done -- that you will live and learn and move on no matter what. So you have to be genuine when you follow these ideas, rather than faking it and being insincere because your only goal is to get them back. That's not what you want to do. Having a certain person as our spouse is not a need, it's a want. When I wrote down a list of all the definite needs in my life, I realized that almost everything beyond food, clothing and shelter is a want. 10 seconds after I looked at the list, I stopped making decisions based on emotion. That's when I realized that my wanting to have her was causing me to beg and plead for her to come back. That was driving her away more so I stopped doing it immediately. In doing my own version of the 180 list I could tell nearly an immediate change in her behavior.

2) Realize that when your spouse sees your new attitude they are very likely to be a little jealous or at least have some curiosity about what's going on in your life to cause this change. However, they very well may react the same way towards you for some time (especially if they read books or go to message boards also). REALIZE that this tactic can also work simultaneously on you if the spouse begins to likewise. Be aware of it and plan to have your own feelings of jealousy and curiosity in advance. However, like with #1 above, if you're doing the 180 list to better yourself and everyone involved, then it will matter less what they are doing.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

_The two main things that we need are; that we both want our relationship to work and that we are both willing to make changes to continually improve our relationship. _

You have no control over what she wants or what she is willing to do. The only control you have is over yourself. Focus on that. Work at being the best you can be. Not for her, but for you.

Are you following Synth’s advice and the 180? 

*
“If you love something so much, you need to learn to let it go. And if it is your decision to part ways then I will respect that.”*_ *I’m willing to do anything in my power to keep this family together and to delay this ____ (I hate saying the “D” word…).*
*I was so hurt one day that I told her “How much longer do I have to wait because this is hurting even more that it’s hurting you. If you want to get a divorce, just do it now.”* This made her cry and she knows that I’m hurting. _

These are contradictory statements. You say you will do anything to avoid D, yet you are telling her that you will accept it and to hurry up and do it.

Stop referencing D. Stop telling her you love her and are hurting. 

The fact that your statement made her cry may indicate confusion on her part. For Heaven’s sake don’t push her toward D. It may not be what she wants.

You have told her how you feel, now back off. Work on yourself. Not in hopes of R, but as a way to make you a better, stronger you. Whatever happens with your marriage, that will be a good outcome.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Hi Misdemeanor, I have nothing to add here except to say you've been given a lot of very good and useful advice. Please don't do what I did and decide my situation was 'unique' and I didn't need to follow this advice. All the advice you're getting is from real experiences of everyone here on TAM. Please please do it. It will feel wrong and not make sense, but you will eventually see the sense of it. Please also read No More Mr Nice Guy. Oh and keep posting here and let us know how you get on, as well as read some of the posts here, you will learn a lot. Good luck.

Oops just realised you posted the 180 yourself. You're on the right track!


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

He posted it, but is he following it?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Thanks Frostflower and Chopsy

I'm doing my best to stay positive through all this and bettering myself (counseling, church, writing to myself, praying, etc.) These are all things that I want her to realize I'm doing.

I know that I cannot change the way she feels and what she wants, but it breaks my heart when she says that "She quit" and "My decision has already been made. It's inevitable."

I will need to stop saying I love you (even though I truly do! and she knows this) and stop expressing my hurt through all this.

As of this moment in time, Patience is the one thing I need to follow most. I need to be patient with her and most of all I need to be patient with myself.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

As far as the 180 list goes.. I have a hard time following half of it... I know its not right and it'll just hurt us even more but I REALLY want to make a difference and hopefully she sees that.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

It does hurt when your spouse says they’re through. It hurts like heck. Sadly there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to bear it and get through it as best you can. It sounds like you are trying to do that.

The 180 doesn’t have to be followed to the tee. Take what will work for you out of it. Show her a man who is strong and who can go on just fine without her. Its hard, believe me I know, but to continue ‘chasing’ her will make you look weak and needy. Not someone she would choose to be with I’m sure. You’ve made it clear how you feel about her. She knows. Now you need to show her that you *want* her, but that you don’t *need* her. And, much as you want her, you will survive and you will do well whatever happens with your relationship. You need to do this for yourself, because if things don’t work out, you will need this strength.

Its hard, MD. Its so hard to think about detaching when it is the last thing you want. But its what you have to do.

Hug.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Frost your words are strong. My wife and I are planning on talking tonight, but I'm afraid that my emotions will get the best of me and it'll turn out bad.. Got any advice?


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

His Mis, my advice would be to listen, really listen to what she's saying. Talk less, listen more. Don't come across as desperate or needy, allow her to say whatever she says, respect her feelings even if they are not yours. She knows your feelings, continuing to say it will not convince her. I used to think if i could just find the right combination of words, it would be ok again. Less words! Action not words, always remember that. Women want to be listened to, she doesn't want you to fix anything. Don't try to convince her to try again, she said she is done so you need to respect her on this. Be strong. I wish you luck, let us know what happens.if she says she has changed her mind, don't jump all over it like a puppy, too needy. She's asked to talk with you so listen as much as you can, you may get some clues how to move forward.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Chopsy said:


> His Mis, my advice would be to listen, really listen to what she's saying. Talk less, listen more. Don't come across as desperate or needy, allow her to say whatever she says, respect her feelings even if they are not yours. She knows your feelings, continuing to say it will not convince her. I used to think if i could just find the right combination of words, it would be ok again. Less words! Action not words, always remember that. Women want to be listened to, she doesn't want you to fix anything. Don't try to convince her to try again, she said she is done so you need to respect her on this. Be strong. I wish you luck, let us know what happens.if she says she has changed her mind, don't jump all over it like a puppy, too needy. She's asked to talk with you so listen as much as you can, you may get some clues how to move forward.


I’ve been sitting here trying to think how to answer your question, and Chopsy has done it for me! I agree with her totally. Listen. 

Conrad (another poster on TAM) has a good line to use should she become accusatory, “I’m sorry you feel that way” Leave it at that. Don’t try to explain or defend yourself. The past is the past. Try to keep the focus on how you can make things better, but not in a dictatorial way. Ask what she thinks and show respect for what she says. 

Best of luck. Do let us know how it goes.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Do these things for yourself. Not for her. She will notice if you follow the 180 and better yourself, but the focus needs to be on you. You cannot control her and what she does and you have to come to terms that its over. Follow Frostflowers and Chopsys advice and do not stray. Be strong and confident and handle this like the grown adult you are. Don't let your emotions get the better of you.

Good luck!


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: HELP! Dealing with Separation*



Frostflower said:


> I’ve been sitting here trying to think how to answer your question, and Chopsy has done it for me! I agree with her totally. Listen.
> 
> Conrad (another poster on TAM) has a good line to use should she become accusatory, “I’m sorry you feel that way” Leave it at that. Don’t try to explain or defend yourself. The past is the past. Try to keep the focus on how you can make things better, but not in a dictatorial way. Ask what she thinks and show respect for what she says.
> 
> Best of luck. Do let us know how it goes.


Much appreciated everyone! Also, to give her some space I'm taking my son to AZ next week, so she can enjoy some time away from us and relax a bit. When I spoke to her earlier and mentioned that I would be going to counseling this Friday she said that she would do the same (which she said she wouldn't do because she didn't want to fight for our marriage). So I believe there is hope there. And you're all right, I'm not going to be needy, weak or desperate even if she does have a change of mind.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> Much appreciated everyone! Also, to give her some space I'm taking my son to AZ next week, so she can enjoy some time away from us and relax a bit. When I spoke to her earlier and mentioned that I would be going to counseling this Friday she said that she would do the same (which she said she wouldn't do because she didn't want to fight for our marriage). So I believe there is hope there. And you're all right, I'm not going to be needy, weak or desperate even if she does have a change of mind.


Just be careful of your expectations. I don’t want to see you get hurt because you see her going to counselling as a sign that she wants to work on the marriage. It is possible but, it is also possible that she is going to help her own growth. 

In the same way, don’t go tonight with expectations that everything is going to be all right.

You are hurting enough. You don’t need to add more disappointment because you had your hopes up.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: HELP! Dealing with Separation*



Frostflower said:


> Just be careful of your expectations. I don’t want to see you get hurt because you see her going to counselling as a sign that she wants to work on the marriage. It is possible but, it is also possible that she is going to help her own growth.
> 
> In the same way, don’t go tonight with expectations that everything is going to be all right.
> 
> You are hurting enough. You don’t need to add more disappointment because you had your hopes up.


I understand. I'm trying to be patient with all this. Not getting my hopes up. 

I called to ask if she still wanted to talk tonight but she said she was tired (she worked late). So our sit down is postponed till tomorrow. 

On a side note (this is me ranting) it seems like her girlfriends have been pressuring her in this decision. I any her to make her own decision not based on what other people say but for herself. Again this is something that I can't control and I shouldn't pry but I thought I'd bring it up.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> I understand. I'm trying to be patient with all this. Not getting my hopes up.
> 
> I called to ask if she still wanted to talk tonight but she said she was tired (she worked late). So our sit down is postponed till tomorrow.
> 
> On a side note (this is me ranting) it seems like her girlfriends have been pressuring her in this decision. I any her to make her own decision not based on what other people say but for herself. Again this is something that I can't control and I shouldn't pry but I thought I'd bring it up.


Don’t bring it up to her. She will only get defensive.

What makes you think that?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: HELP! Dealing with Separation*



Frostflower said:


> Don’t bring it up to her. She will only get defensive.
> 
> What makes you think that?


She's been in contact with them a lot (which is normal for support). One of them has been on the defense on FB, their posts seem to be directed at me..


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> She's been in contact with them a lot (which is normal for support). One of them has been on the defense on FB, their posts seem to be directed at me..


Sigh. If only people could support their friends without trying to influence them.

Suggesting that she is being swayed by her friends will only antagonize her.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: HELP! Dealing with Separation*



Frostflower said:


> Sigh. If only people could support their friends without trying to influence them.
> 
> Suggesting that she is being swayed by her friends will only antagonize her.


I agree with you. I won't mention it to her.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

During our talk tomorrow should I even bring up major things about our marriage (which could be devastating and could lead to an argument) or should I just keep it to small talk. Also during our talk if she brings up anything to do with our marriage should I agree with everything she says, even if I don't and it hurts.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> During our talk tomorrow should I even bring up major things about our marriage (which could be devastating and could lead to an argument) or should I just keep it to small talk. Also during our talk if she brings up anything to do with our marriage should I agree with everything she says, even if I don't and it hurts.


I think you should follow her lead. As we’ve said, listen to her. use the the words “I’m sorry you feel that way” if she says anything that could lead to an argument. 

No-one is suggesting that you agree with things you don’t agree with. Try another of Conrad’s statements, “I’m not okay with that” if you don’t agree. But do not engage in an argument of any kind. That will just put an end to communication and further entrench antagonism. 

Use this as an opportunity to see where she is at in terms of the marriage. Conrad recommends remaining at 10,000 feet (think I’ve got the number right). In other words, listen and observe.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: HELP! Dealing with Separation*



Frostflower said:


> I think you should follow her lead. As we’ve said, listen to her. use the the words “I’m sorry you feel that way” if she says anything that could lead to an argument.
> 
> No-one is suggesting that you agree with things you don’t agree with. Try another of Conrad’s statements, “I’m not okay with that” if you don’t agree. But do not engage in an argument of any kind. That will just put an end to communication and further entrench antagonism.
> 
> Use this as an opportunity to see where she is at in terms of the marriage. Conrad recommends remaining at 10,000 feet (think I’ve got the number right). In other words, listen and observe.


Great! I will keep all of these in mind. Thanks again Frost!!


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Quick update... So I didn't follow Rule #10 of the "180 List" (Do not spy on your spouse). Honestly I trust my wife but just read on. I've been reading her text messages from a former co-worker of hers. And he's been constantly asking her if she's gonna be working late for the past 3 days. And doing things for her. In response she would say "Thank you. I owe you!". Then he would respond by saying "How will you repay me?" (I can't help but think of what he's thinking...).

Also since I'm going on vacation next week, she's taking 3 days off (which she didn't tell me about..). She tells him that one of her girlfriends is going to be coming into town and staying with her. He responds by saying "Is she staying with you the whole time?" She responds with "Yes.. Why do you want to stay? (wink)" (I went ballistic when I read that). He then goes on by asking if he can see the house.. She responds "no" and makes a joke about seeing it when she sells it. He comes back with "I would like to see it sooner.."

I'm not gonna go on.. I'm so hurt... pissed off to the point where I want to call this guy and tell him "She's still my wife!!! You need to back off! Just because she's emotionally hurt you can't replace me just like that!"

Oh forgot to mention.. this guy has a girlfriend.. 

I don't know if this is a trap..

Any advice guys/gals!?!


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

Hey thank you for responding to my post, and the advice. As you can see I am in a very similar situation, except we were engaged. It's tough but I don't think its too late. I hope everything works out for you.. it's even tougher when there is a kid involved.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

misdemeanor said:


> Quick update... So I didn't follow Rule #10 of the "180 List" (Do not spy on your spouse). Honestly I trust my wife but just read on. I've been reading her text messages from a former co-worker of hers. And he's been constantly asking her if she's gonna be working late for the past 3 days. And doing things for her. In response she would say "Thank you. I owe you!". Then he would respond by saying "How will you repay me?" (I can't help but think of what he's thinking...).
> 
> Also since I'm going on vacation next week, she's taking 3 days off (which she didn't tell me about..). She tells him that one of her girlfriends is going to be coming into town and staying with her. He responds by saying "Is she staying with you the whole time?" She responds with "Yes.. Why do you want to stay? (wink)" (I went ballistic when I read that). He then goes on by asking if he can see the house.. She responds "no" and makes a joke about seeing it when she sells it. He comes back with "I would like to see it sooner.."
> 
> ...


Expose the messaging to his girlfriend.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: HELP! Dealing with Separation*



Conrad said:


> Expose the messaging to his girlfriend.


I was contemplating that.. would it be wrong?

Nah.. I've already got a letter drafted for his girlfriend to lookout for any suspiciously behavior.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Update:

So she's still set on filing once she gets back in April.. I'm dreading her return...

I wrote her a final letter that basically says that I'm letting her "free". See letter below. 

(Wife),

I have been through some very tough moments since we separated. My love for you is so profound that I just could not face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul searching, and now I realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply cannot be done. As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I am reminded that you married me of your own free choice; no one forced us to become husband and wife. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage and, obviously, I have to let you go. I am aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in (year). You are free to go. If you never call me again, then I will accept your decision. I admit that this entire experience has been painful and it will be a long road to recovery, but I am going to make it. The Lord has been with me thus far, and He will go with me in the future. You and I had wonderful and amazing times together. You are my first real true love, and I will never forget the memories that we shared. I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead.

Love Always and Forever,
misdemeanor


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

jmo...Don't give her the letter.

Expose om to his gf.

180 is definitely where you need to be
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: HELP! Dealing with Separation*



GutPunch said:


> jmo...Don't give her the letter.
> 
> Expose om to his gf.
> 
> ...


I gave her the letter the other day.. never got a response back though. 

I'm still planning on exposing their conversation to his GF

At this point.. I'm slowly dying inside and my will to fight is deteriorating but I'm keeping myself happy and working to better myself.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

misdemeanor said:


> I gave her the letter the other day.. never got a response back though.
> 
> I'm still planning on exposing their conversation to his GF
> 
> At this point.. I'm slowly dying inside and my will to fight is deteriorating but I'm keeping myself happy and working to better myself.


it kills me to see the pain you're in... as you've responded in my topic.. i feel for you, keep working on yourself. I find going to the gym to be a motivator. I've always been going but now I am more focused and go harder. im sorry youre going through this, no one deserves to feel that way


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: HELP! Dealing with Separation*



gssteve said:


> it kills me to see the pain you're in... as you've responded in my topic.. i feel for you, keep working on yourself. I find going to the gym to be a motivator. I've always been going but now I am more focused and go harder. im sorry youre going through this, no one deserves to feel that way


Thanks Steve! I will continue to respond to your thread and help you through your tough times. I know its really killing me, I just wished all this pain would go away...


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

I have another post here regarding "Infidelity"...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/70542-exposing-truth-good-idea.html#post1578073


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