# Does your husband make you feel good about your body?



## jld

Considering all the body image issues I have had over the years, I am happy to say that at least they did not come from my husband. He has always expressed delight with my body. Even when I was having kids every couple years, and carrying extra weight, he never made me feel like I was anything less than beautiful to him. I am really glad, too, because I probably could not have handled it if he had had issues. 

Has your husband been helpful or harmful on the body image front? Or neutral?


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## lifeistooshort

My husband is amazing this way, but I've always felt my body image issues were mine. I had one hell of an eating disorder as a teen. Ironically, when I was 18 I had a ton of issues, and I was a distance runner and pretty tight. Now i'm 40, have two kids, and while i'm still pretty tight i'm sure it's not the same as at 18 (when I had a 25 in waist). Except that I no longer give a sh!t, as long as i'm training and strong I is what I is. Since i'm 36-27-36 I think i'm ok though, and there is no surgery involved.

My hb is so wrapped up in the fact that i'm 19 years younger and want to have sex with him I think it would take a lot for him to notice anything.

Your hb sounds like a great guy jld.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland

Yes he does make me feel good about my body, can't say I love my body but he sure does.
He tells me and shows me daily and I thrive on it.


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## happy as a clam

Yes!! Not married, but my long-term SO makes me feel absolutely beautiful and sexy, through what he says to me, by his body language, and the way he looks at me . I feel incredibly fortunate to be with such an admiring and thoughtful man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staarz21

Well, it took me a long time to realize that my image issues are mine.

My H played his part, but in the end, I am the only one that could have changed anything.

He's only said he's happy I'm not overweight and I haven't gained any weight since being married. 

He told me he did not like my butt.

He did not like my abdomen (have 3 kids)

He does not like my hands...says I have smoker's hands...I don't smoke. :scratchhead:

He didn't like my boobs. He complained constantly.

So, I got a boob job and a tummy tuck. My tummy tuck needed an additional 2 inch vertical incision because there was not enough "extra" skin to to just the hip to hip incision. While my tummy is super flat now and the stretchmarks are gone, I have a huge scar across my abdomen, my belly button is a scar, and the 2 inch vertical scar shows when I'm wearing panties, swim suit bottoms, jeans, shorts, etc. 

I went in the surgery at 5'7" and 123lbs. I could not exercise for 8 weeks after the surgery. I couldn't even walk upright for the first 6 weeks. I gained about 10lbs during that time.

Now, I am back to 121 lbs. I did some therapy for my image issues as I fell apart after the tummy surgery. I couldn't understand what made me decide to do such a thing. He should have loved me for me. I worked hard to be fit after 3 kids. A little loose skin and stretchmarks shouldn't have been a problem. There wasn't anything wrong with me to begin with! 

The therapy helped me regain my self confidence and realize that the issues he has with my body stem from his other problems. Now, I don't care what he thinks. It only matters how I feel....and I feel awesome. I am training for a competition and I have improved 1000 times over.

This will turn into a book if I don't stop. Point of story: Don't dwell on what he thinks. It's not up to him to make you feel good about your body. Only you can do that. While his opinions may sway your own thoughts one way or another, ultimately, it's up to you to love yourself and your body.


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## GettingIt_2

My husband makes me feel so, so good about my body. I love the way he eats it up with his eyes, the way he runs his hands over it slowly, just looking. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, and I've learned to believe him. 

I fought body image issues after I had kids, but I think I've finally won. I love the way he enjoys my body. He has never, ever said any negative work about it. It's the least I can do to let him enjoy it how he wants to, whenever he wants to, and with the lights on. 

Whenever I read body image threads, I feel so incredibly lucky. I can't image how painful it is to have your husband criticize your body--especially for things you can't change.


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## TiggyBlue

Right now he make's me feel brilliant about my body, being heavily pregnant it really does keep your confidence up when your husband can't keep his hands of you (does me at least).


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## jld

(((((Intheory))))) (((((Staarz)))))

Gals, I am so sorry your husbands have treated you that way. That is so wrong. So very, very wrong. I am glad to hear you each recognize that your husbands have their own issues that make them say such things, but I am still very disappointed in them. Women are so sensitive about their bodies. Every woman deserves to feel her body adored and admired by her husband.

I think you have probably done this already, but just block out any unkind comments. They're simply untrue. I'm sure you are both lovely gals with lovely bodies. _That _ is the truth you need to hear.


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## ariel_angel77

He always says I'm super sexy to him. He's always all over me. I tell him that my stomach is fat and he says my stomach is his favorite part of my body. I like to wear a shirt during sex because I think I look bad, but he says he can't fully enjoy it unless I'm fully naked. He doesn't see anything wrong with my body.

I think he deserves someone who looks better. I mean, 11 months postpartum and I still have a lot of belly and side flab when he has not an ounce of fat on his body and looks perfect..


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## jld

Ariel, honey, I am sure you are fine. Believe your husband.


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## ariel_angel77

I'm sorry, Staarz and intheory, no one deserves that  I can't believe someone who loves you would make you feel so bad about yourself! And Staarz, you should NOT feel bad about your weight. I am 5'5" and 180. I'm an elephant compared to you. LOL


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## jld

No elephants here, I assure you. All lovely ladies in my thread.


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## Faithful Wife

Yes my husband has always made me feel beautiful and I'm so thankful for that. It really makes a huge difference in my life to feel loved, cherished and also lusted after.


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## CarlaRose

intheory said:


> Yes and No.
> 
> He likes my hands. My "soft skin". My girl parts.
> 
> He is very critical, in general, of what clothes I wear, or what perfume I wear, or how I do my hair or make-up.
> 
> So, I decided that I would please myself in this department. That way, at least one person was happy.
> 
> He doesn't like my upper body (arms, shoulders, lack of upper cleavage). Especially the "upper cleavage" thing. He used to ask me to lift weights to make my chest thicker (?) up there. But asking me to lift weights is like asking a lead brick to swim. (He doesn't lift weights at all).
> 
> He doesn't like my legs, especially from the knees down; too thin. Doesn't look good in skirts. So, I stopped wearing skirts.
> 
> He doesn't like my feet. Too long. He appreciates that I keep them very clean. I do everything I can to make up for the fact that he doesn't like them.
> 
> I've always felt like he 'settled' for me in some ways.
> 
> But, if it makes any sense, I know he _loves_ me.
> 
> He did make some mean comments when I gained weight about 7 years ago after throwing out my back and then breaking a bone in my foot shortly afterwards. It was really hard to keep exercising. I'm not sure I will ever get over him being mean to me about that. It's terrible, I know. It just *really *hurt. I have been really focusing on exercising for the last 4 years. He doesn't exercise. He has back issues.
> 
> Also, he is very critical of himself too.


If your own post doesn't tell you that you should kick this guy to the curb, then I don't know what will. You have no business allowing him to be with you. Try to love yourself more than you love him.


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## jld

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes my husband has always made me feel beautiful and I'm so thankful for that. It really makes a huge difference in my life to feel loved, cherished and also lusted after.


Lol, Faithful. We need that last bit, too.

I remember one time, after sitting down and pouring out my heart to my reserved, farm boy husband about something, his saying to me, in such a heartfelt, almost pained way, _J, you make me so hard._

I have to laugh, because he said it in the same way I would say, _Dug, I love you so much_.


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## staarz21

ariel_angel77 said:


> I'm sorry, Staarz and intheory, no one deserves that  I can't believe someone who loves you would make you feel so bad about yourself! And Staarz, you should NOT feel bad about your weight. I am 5'5" and 180. I'm an elephant compared to you. LOL


Omg you are NOT an elephant! It's so hard to love ourselves. No matter what weight/height we are, we will probably always find something we don't like.


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## jasmine9

Mine has never complained and always said he loved me the way I was. I knew I was overweight and have recently lost 21 lbs due to depression because of pur marital problems. It's not a healthy way to lose the weight bug I feel and look awesome.


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## Lyris

Pretty neutral really. I know he loves me and thinks I'm sexy because of the way he touches me and looks at me more than a lot of verbal stuff. 

I'm pretty confident about my body. It's strong and fit, it carried, birthed and fed two healthy, beautiful babies. I'm generically lucky too, no stretch marks, good curves, good metabolism. And I run. I'm proud of what my body can do. 

I used to tend towards seeing all the flaws. Now I see all the good things. I did that myself.


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## DanaS

My exhb certainly never did. He would compare me to other women and tell me I am fat and ugly and say I had ugly looking legs; among other mean criticisms. Funny how now I am married to a man 15 years younger that says the exact opposite, and he always works out and is a very handsome man that could easily get a younger pretty girl if he really wanted.

He always compliments me on just about everything! He says he loves my hair, my body, and especially my legs. He also comments saying I look "classy, sophisticated and professional". At my job it is required you wear appropriate business attire and he says every time I get ready for work it makes him wild 

Course, I hope he still feels the same when I balloon with my pregnancy heh.


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## lifeistooshort

jasmine9 said:


> Mine has never complained and always said he loved me the way I was. I knew I was overweight and have recently lost 21 lbs due to depression because of pur marital problems. It's not a healthy way to lose the weight bug I feel and look awesome.



That can happen when people go through tough times. My friend and I (runner as well) always say that you can tell who in the running community is going through hard times personally because they lose a bunch of weight and start running faster.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort

We decide how we feel about ourselves.
Cmon ladies, let's all repeat in unison: "You can kiss my fat a$$".....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'll make tea

I am currently pregnant.
When I wasn't my husband made me feel bad about my body/my physical ability... but I don't think it was what he wanted to do. He can be a bit insensitive.

When he was working out he tried to "help" by pointing out EVERYTHING I did wrong... and I mean every little thing. That made me feel so imperfect. He tried to "motivate" me when I couldn't go on by telling me that of course I could I was only lazy.

He is more sportive than me and does not realize that this kind of motivation is contraproductive. Once after he had been "motivating" me for a while I started crying. He was so shocked and had actually no idea what he did wrong and swore he was just trying to give me helpful tipps.

 I lost all confidence in my physical ability because of my husbands motivational and helpful advice.


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## Sunburn

Whenever I would compliment my X about her body her response would always be something similar to: "You just want sex."

and no, it wouldn't be something like, "Hey babe you got a great looking pu$$y!!"

She had issues with sex that unfortunately didn't come out until after we were married.


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## Jewels6835

Intheory, Staarz..

I am so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, I kind of know how you feel..
My husband has never said anything super specific like "i dont like your butt" or "my least favorite part of your body is *blank*" but, he has said enough to make me get hints! (or so I feel)
For example, two years ago, I was about 6 months postpartum, still had a bit of belly, but I found a cute dress at Target while shopping with my kids. You ladies know the feeling, that one in a millionth time where you just absolutely loved something the second you put it on.... that was this dress for me.
Well, i bought it, and when hubby came home I said "want to see the new clothes I got today?!" he was excited and said sure. (he always insists I don't buy myself new clothes often enough or something.. and I didnt because I was too busy with two small babies!)
anyways he said 'its ok..' but i still wore the dress out.
the 2nd time I wore the dress, before we left the house, he said "is that what youre wearing? and proceeded to tell me that the dress was not flattering on me. When I tried to get a more specific answer & asked why he didnt tell me this the LAST TIME i wore it, he said "i just dont think it looks good on you, it doesn't compliment your body"... I was crushed because i felt thats EXACTLY what this dress did. but i thought he knows better, seeing me from an outside perspective right?..
fast forward to today.. I've lost almost 15 pounds, I feel amazing. I'm realistic about my body, I know I've birthed and nursed two kids, but I'm 24 and I am not obese or hard on the eyes. My breasts aren't super perky, but they've always been this way, not just since nursing. I still think my breasts are decent and I always said i wouldn't undergo plastic surgery for any part of my body, but over the years my husband has definitely skewed my perception of my body. He has told me that he "wouldnt mind if i got a boob job", and sort of chuckled and smiled like, "i know i am not supposed to flat out say i want you to get one, but... ;-) "
at one point he commented saying insensitive things like "its not that hard to lose baby weight, i think women make it out to be worse than it is" he wasnt directing it at me, but i thought, what a jerk for saying that to me when im postpartum and he sees how hard i am trying to lose weight!
or when i read this article (attached) and told him about it, he just kind of raised his eyebrows and nodded as if to say, "unconditional love? psshh"
he once said something like "broke people say money isnt everything... just like fat people say looks arent everything". I overheard him say that once and thought it was rude. 

Not to generalize men, but in my husband's case, he is very insensitive to my needs in general, but ESP for my need to be desired. ESP after having his babies! and in my husband's case, he has put on a few pounds himself since marriage and when hes rude it just makes me want to say "i had two kids, i work my butt off @ the gym, cook healthy for the whole family, its hard and taking forever but im doing it! ... whats your excuse?" (he doesnt even try!)

Sorry for the rant, but I just have gone alot of psychological stress from this lately, because since May I have been on this diet and lost weight (and I was not obese before either!) and it's like nothing is good enough! In fact he hadn't even really mentioned anything about my body until his FRIEND told me at a BBQ how good i looked. later that night he overcompensated with compliments in bed..
my sister who delivered twins last year sent me this article. it is amazing, i highly recommend ya'll read it. To those women out there... some men do not realize what they have. they are quick to judge our bodies before looking at themselves. esp with all we undergo in life. I really fear when we are older my husband will be looking at younger women and my self image will just get worse. but that is why i'm trying to make ME happy. wear what I think looks good, take time to make myself feel pretty every day, and brush off his comments, because in my mind, i know he's being an insensitive [email protected]#. 
Its so good to have support here..!! I'm new to the site but everyone has been so nice and amazing so far. Thanks for listening.. 

Kate Middleton and the Mom in the Mirror | Joy Gabriel


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## staarz21

intheory said:


> staarz,
> 
> I can relate to you in many ways.
> 
> I am so sorry you went through surgery. Unnecessary surgery. And it didn't really work out the way you expected.
> 
> The only thing I know about "smokers hands"; is that they have nicotine stains on their fingers. Since you don't smoke, you don't have that. What a wacky statement for your H to make:scratchhead:
> 
> I too, have found that intense exercise empowers me. I am "training", for walking a half-marathon in a couple of months. It just boosts your self-image so much. Good luck in your competition; whatever it may be.
> 
> I loved and agreed with your last sentence.


Good Luck with your marathon! I always love having some sort of fitness goal! It definitely makes me feel so much better!


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## ScarletBegonias

He doesn't make me feel good or bad about my body,I don't really need him for that.

He does make me feel confident and good that HE enjoys my body and loves how I look. Now that I do need from him. 

If we weren't a couple,I'd still feel good about my body...well,except my inner thighs bc ugh. lol


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## jld

ScarletBegonias said:


> He doesn't make me feel good or bad about my body,I don't really need him for that.
> 
> *He does make me feel confident and good that HE enjoys my body and loves how I look. * Now that I do need from him.
> 
> If we weren't a couple,I'd still feel good about my body...well,except my inner thighs bc ugh. lol


I like that way of saying it, Scarlet. Thanks for sharing that.


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## MaritimeGuy

I can't imagine in what universe I would start picking apart how I felt about individual parts of my partners body. I'm having a hard time imagining the conversations some of you women were having with your husbands when these detailed laundry lists came up.


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## ScarletBegonias

MaritimeGuy said:


> I can't imagine in what universe I would start picking apart how I felt about individual parts of my partners body. I'm having a hard time imagining the conversations some of you women were having with your husbands when these detailed laundry lists came up.


I spontaneously tell my husband how I feel about various parts of his body. "the other day during sexy time I got even more turned on looking at your shoulders and arms...they look even sexier when they're all tense like that."
"I love those cute little creases just under your buttcheeks...I want to nibble on them"  

Usually when I say things like that he'll say something about whatever part of my body or face caught his attention in particular that day. It's fun


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## MaritimeGuy

ScarletBegonias said:


> I spontaneously tell my husband how I feel about various parts of his body. "the other day during sexy time I got even more turned on looking at your shoulders and arms...they look even sexier when they're all tense like that."
> "I love those cute little creases just under your buttcheeks...I want to nibble on them"
> 
> Usually when I say things like that he'll say something about whatever part of my body or face caught his attention in particular that day. It's fun


I'm not questioning positive comments. Those are good and healthy. 

I was looking at the posts where women commented how their husbands had negatively critiqued all the body parts they didn't feel measured up to their standard. 

Even if my partner had aspects of her body that weren't my ideal I wouldn't tell her about it. 

I supposed if I were some Adonis with perfect skin, hair, teeth, looks and physique I could afford to criticize. Alas...I'm not.


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## SunnyT

My H is awesome at compliments.... it seems that he thuroughly enjoys my body with not only words, but with his hands and lips. 

I just think, "Bless his heart.... he's blind!" 

It makes me smile. And I continue to work on my body issues.... those ARE mine. And I do want to be sexy for him!


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## mpgunner

SunnyT said:


> I just think, "Bless his heart.... he's blind!"


This what I don't get. Now my wife, who is 54, is very pretty (not my words but her daughter in laws say that too). Yet when I compliment her she brushes it off saying I'm "love blind". A little ago she actually got carded and I really rubbed that in. 

As mentioned above, it is also best to not only use words but touch....


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## heartsbeating

I'm a mix of confidences and insecurities, same as the next person. I'll own how I feel about my body though, that's not on him.

However I do need to feel desired and as the man in my life, I need that from him. He's likely spoiled me with compliments over the years as I couldn't imagine not hearing these expressions. I love it. The physical touch and intimacy needs to be there too and combined, that's where it's at for me. He makes it known that he finds me attractive. Somehow he also digs the stuff that I'm not a fan of. I've rarely felt self-conscious with him.

The last few months I've been working-out. Strength training is new to me. He notices the small changes occurring and is encouraging. I'll confess that I love hearing him exclaim, 'Damn, babe' as I'm getting changed.

I appreciate his honesty about outfit choices and whether something isn't the most flattering to my figure or appearance. Like the other morning when the outfit just wasn't happening and he commented it was because the skirt and boots were rock n roll and the top and jacket were corporate. Dagnabbit the clash of the conflicting personas strikes again!


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## Wolf1974

intheory said:


> Well, there really isn't a "conversation" as such, Maritime.
> 
> You'll wear a dress, for the first time, as an example; and he'll look at you and say, "You don't look good in that. You don't really look good in skirts, you don't have enough muscle definition in your calves"
> 
> Then, at a later date, you might be undressed (lying in bed after sex, getting out of the shower) and he'll say, "it's too bad you couldn't somehow make the top part of your chest more filled out - maybe you could do it by lifting weights or something".
> 
> And so on, and so forth.
> 
> There is never a "conversation", where all your faults are the topic of discussion. Well, that has never happened in my case.
> 
> It's more like the "drip, drip, drip" of rain drops on a rock. It just starts to wear away at you.
> 
> Hope that makes sense.




Really? He says that to you?


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## TheCuriousWife

Yes and no.

Yes because he tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and that he loves my chest when I think it's way too small. When I complain that I look fat he says I'm perfect.

No because he works out daily, and has the perfect body. He is always eating healthy, and scolds me when I am sitting there eating pasta while he is eating a salad. I feel fat and unhealthy around him. He never tells me this directly, but he is always telling me I should eat better and work out. He hasn't drank soda in years and years and I love it. So every time I drink one, he says something like, "that's bad for you." Etc.

Over the years he has also made comments about how girl parts are funny looking. (I think mine are beautiful, FYI) Not directed at me, but its still hard not to take it personally. Being told I smell funny, or that I am unsexy hasn't helped either. 

So directly he tells me I'm beautiful. But a lot of nonverbal things, and thoughtless comments have made me a bit self conscious.


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## TheCuriousWife

ScarletBegonias said:


> I spontaneously tell my husband how I feel about various parts of his body. "the other day during sexy time I got even more turned on looking at your shoulders and arms...they look even sexier when they're all tense like that."
> "I love those cute little creases just under your buttcheeks...I want to nibble on them"
> 
> Usually when I say things like that he'll say something about whatever part of my body or face caught his attention in particular that day. It's fun


:iagree:

I am exactly like this. I'll just be sitting there watching him and he will be so beautiful. I often give him random compliments out of the blue. (During dinner, while cleaning, etc.) He just thinks I'm crazy, but I think he secretly likes them.


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## MaritimeGuy

intheory said:


> Well, there really isn't a "conversation" as such, Maritime.
> 
> You'll wear a dress, for the first time, as an example; and he'll look at you and say, "You don't look good in that. You don't really look good in skirts, you don't have enough muscle definition in your calves"
> 
> Then, at a later date, you might be undressed (lying in bed after sex, getting out of the shower) and he'll say, "it's too bad you couldn't somehow make the top part of your chest more filled out - maybe you could do it by lifting weights or something".
> 
> And so on, and so forth.
> 
> There is never a "conversation", where all your faults are the topic of discussion. Well, that has never happened in my case.
> 
> It's more like the "drip, drip, drip" of rain drops on a rock. It just starts to wear away at you.
> 
> Hope that makes sense.


That blows my mind. Being told some of those things by someone who has no connection to you would be bad enough. Being told by the person you love is so powerful. I would never in a million year consider making comments like that to my partner. I would expect it to be very hurtful and the last thing I want to do is intentionally hurt the one I love.


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## norajane

My SO constantly tells me and shows me that I'm sexy and hot. It feels good to hear it, especially on my days when I'm feeling less than sexy. 

I've been working out for the past year to lose the 10-15 extra pounds I'm always gaining or losing, and he's been very encouraging by noticing any little bit of progress I'd made even if I don't necessarily notice it.


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## changedbeliefs

lifeistooshort said:


> My husband is amazing this way, but I've always felt my body image issues were mine.





staarz21 said:


> Well, it took me a long time to realize that my image issues are mine.


No one should ever make anyone feel bad about themselves, but in the end, your self-esteem has to come from self. It seems obvious, but I really believe most people tend to forget that.


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## Elane

My ex-husband sure did. No matter how much weight I gained or lost, or how many stretch marks, or wrinkles I had he always always said I was beautiful, and never once complained about how I looked. And he is a very nice looking man, and fit. Even after 20 years of marriage we had a fantastic sex life. I couldn't, wouldn't be with a man that complained about my body. It's really really really not in good shape, so if that's what a man is looking for he wouldn't be looking at me anyway. And that's ok!


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## Anonymous07

I think my husband is neutral. 

In the beginning, he made me feel great about my body. He never said anything negative about all of my scars from surgery, told me I was beautiful very often, and was all over me. I felt loved and lusted after. It was great! He really helped me feel more confident. 

That has lessened over time, although he still does not say negative things about my body(which is good). But when he occasionally avoids sex(says he's tried, has a headache, etc.), doesn't say anything to me when I try to look good for him(make-up on, dressed up, etc.), that makes me feel a bit self-conscious. When he avoided sex while I was pregnant, I felt horrible, even though he told me I looked beautiful. It sucks to try to be sexy for him and he doesn't seem to care. I did this for our anniversary the other day and he didn't say anything to me about how I looked.


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## Jewels6835

MaritimeGuy said:


> I'm not questioning positive comments. Those are good and healthy.
> 
> I was looking at the posts where women commented how their husbands had negatively critiqued all the body parts they didn't feel measured up to their standard.
> 
> Even if my partner had aspects of her body that weren't my ideal I wouldn't tell her about it.
> 
> I supposed if I were some Adonis with perfect skin, hair, teeth, looks and physique I could afford to criticize. Alas...I'm not.


Yes, well we don't all have thoughtful husbands like you! lol!
Seriously though, maybe I am just biased.. but your take on it seems very reasonable and healthy. I wish more men thought of it that way.


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## Jewels6835

Anonymous07 said:


> I think my husband is neutral.
> 
> In the beginning, he made me feel great about my body. He never said anything negative about all of my scars from surgery, told me I was beautiful very often, and was all over me. I felt loved and lusted after. It was great! He really helped me feel more confident.
> 
> That has lessened over time, although he still does not say negative things about my body(which is good). But when he occasionally avoids sex(says he's tried, has a headache, etc.), doesn't say anything to me when I try to look good for him(make-up on, dressed up, etc.), that makes me feel a bit self-conscious. When he avoided sex while I was pregnant, I felt horrible, even though he told me I looked beautiful. It sucks to try to be sexy for him and he doesn't seem to care. I did this for our anniversary the other day and he didn't say anything to me about how I looked.




I can relate to this also. While my h has always been less affectionate, and pretty quiet when it comes to compliments, the beginning of our relationship DID have more compliments/lust/attraction and sex in general. My thought is once youve been with that same person for years and years, yes maybe the initial puppy love wears off, but you've built something so much deeper, and you've opened up, and theres something much better there. THAT in itself is sexy and beautiful to me, and I wish my husband looked at it the same. You hear the sterotype often about men sort of joking how their wives let themselves go.. (behind their wives' backs..) I just don't get how most men think its ok to criticize their wife, especially if she's birthed his children, when some men don't exactly take care of themselves after marriage either :scratchhead:
double standards at their finest. 
I admit our marriage is in a rocky place, and has its ups and downs, but I've always been the one to excessively compliment, flirt, etc. I'll always point out my favorite parts of his body, and other times i will just touch that part (his shoulder or his hand) and when he looks at me I just look at it and smile, and he knows what I am thinking. My husband has put on a few pounds since marriage but I still think he is extremely sexy and I would never, ever even make subtle hints about it because I know how hurtful it would be. The weight he has gained honestly has zero impact on my attraction to him at this point. I'd worry about his health more than his appearance any day of the week.


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## Anonymous07

Jewels6835 said:


> You hear the sterotype often about men sort of joking how their wives let themselves go.. (behind their wives' backs..) I just don't get how most men think its ok to criticize their wife, especially if she's birthed his children, when some men don't exactly take care of themselves after marriage either :scratchhead:
> double standards at their finest.
> I admit our marriage is in a rocky place, and has its ups and downs, but I've always been the one to excessively compliment, flirt, etc. I'll always point out my favorite parts of his body, and other times i will just touch that part (his shoulder or his hand) and when he looks at me I just look at it and smile, and he knows what I am thinking. My husband has put on a few pounds since marriage but I still think he is extremely sexy and I would never, ever even make subtle hints about it because I know how hurtful it would be. The weight he has gained honestly has zero impact on my attraction to him at this point. I'd worry about his health more than his appearance any day of the week.


Yea, my husband rarely tries to impress me, which I find sad. I try to look good for him(have never let myself go) and will get "dolled up" for special occasions, but I don't see him put in that effort. I don't expect him to forever act like we're dating, but to at least put in some effort for special occasions would be nice(try to impress me on those occasions). We had a nice anniversary dinner on our patio, but afterwards instead of us spending alone time together(after I put our son to bed), he did home improvement work with the sliding door. I'm happy he got it done, but it couldn't wait another day? I felt like he was avoiding me. I don't know why he would do that, but it sure felt that way. The morning was nice though. We went for a run together and I thought it was super sexy watching him run with the jogging stroller. I told him that, too(Seeing him exercise is a turn on  ). But the evening just went all wrong.


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## MaritimeGuy

Anonymous07 said:


> I don't expect him to forever act like we're dating,


There was a 'relationship expert' I heard on the radio a while back that advocated this very thing. That we actually should treat our spouses as well after we're married as we did before. That's how to maintain the passion we had in the beginning for a lifetime. 

It makes sense when you think about it.


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## ConstantSpeed

My husband doesn't normally try to make me feel good about my body. He's hinted that I should get a boob job in the past. He doesn't do that anymore though as of recently. He's been little more accepting of me and my figure. He just says that he married me so it's a "given" that he thinks I'm beautiful or that he likes my body. 
I get more compliments from people when I'm out at the store or when I'm on a run outside.


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## Faeleaf

Before we got married, my husband's dad took him aside and told him that he can never, ever, say a bad word (or even imply a bad word) about my figure. That you can say 1000 nice things about a woman's body, and 1 bad thing...and she will only remember the 1 bad thing, for the rest of her life. I guess he learned the hard way?

But seeing as how this was really the only "relationship advice" his dad ever gave him, my husband took this one to heart. He's never said one negative thing, and he never will. It's amazing.


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## nikoled

My husband has done plenty wrong (we are 3 months post dday from his affair), but this is one area that he has been good about I guess. He has always told me I am beautiful regardless of what stage of life we were in at any moment. He has seen me in some pretty bad physical times when I was very ill and always told me I was beautiful. I have muscular legs and he always says that he doesn't like stick skinny legs- when he's pointed out actresses that he thinks are beautiful he always points out ones with thicker legs, etc. Post dday I lost a lot of weight and am almost at my pre kids size. He is enjoying that, but even when I was overweight he always told me I was beautiful.

I, on the other hand, struggled a lot more with body issues post-affair. The OW was 13 years younger than me with a very different build. He has said that he really wasn't physically attracted to her- that it was more about her "playing his game" with him. It was an EA mostly over the internet with lots of "dirty talking". I don't know that I 100% believe that, but in any case, he has never said anything not positive about the way I look. Ever.


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## Anonymous07

MaritimeGuy said:


> There was a 'relationship expert' I heard on the radio a while back that advocated this very thing. That we actually should treat our spouses as well after we're married as we did before. That's how to maintain the passion we had in the beginning for a lifetime.
> 
> It makes sense when you think about it.


I think what I was trying to say in that I don't expect my husband to always act like we're dating is in regards to always going out on dates/the spending money aspect of it. We have a 1 year old, so it's no feasible to act the same as we did when we were dating. It won't ever be the same as before we had our little boy, but not to say my husband should just act comfortable and careless(don't want that). I hope that made sense. 



intheory said:


> I would like to post this for all women who have not seen photography of authentic, ordinary women's breasts.
> 
> It is a NON-SEXUAL site. But it has images of unclothed chests (no faces) of everyday women.
> 
> The purpose is to give women a sense of reality about our bodies and reassure us that we are okay.
> 
> However, since there is human nudity; it would be *N*ot *S*afe *F*or *W*ork.
> 
> Once again, I'm not posting this to provide sexual material. This is really by women, for women to help us with body image issues.
> 
> Normal Breasts Gallery, part 1 - pictures of different size and shape breasts. Women who have not been pregnant.


I think that was nice to see and I remember seeing it before, some years ago. I have always been small chested and the media makes it out to be that only large chested women are desirable. It took some time during my teen years before I became really comfortable with my body. I did temporarily have large breasts while breastfeeding my son, but now that he only nurses a couple times a day, they're back to being small and now fairly flat, too(lovely pancake boobs :rofl: ). Women's bodies are all so vastly different and that makes us all beautiful. I am definitely not the "picturesque beauty"(multiple large scars from surgeries, bright veins, etc.), but I have learned over time to love my body. I do know my own worth, but also wish my husband would reaffirm that at times.


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## bkaydezz

intheory said:


> I would like to post this for all women who have not seen photography of authentic, ordinary women's breasts.
> 
> It is a NON-SEXUAL site. But it has images of unclothed chests (no faces) of everyday women.
> 
> The purpose is to give women a sense of reality about our bodies and reassure us that we are okay.
> 
> However, since there is human nudity; it would be *N*ot *S*afe *F*or *W*ork.
> 
> Once again, I'm not posting this to provide sexual material. This is really by women, for women to help us with body image issues.
> 
> Normal Breasts Gallery, part 1 - pictures of different size and shape breasts. Women who have not been pregnant.


I am glad you shared this. 
I think it is so important that women understand just how beautiful their bodies really are!!!
I think it is also amazing that our bodies all develop so differently, while we all are made up of the same things.
NEATO!


Oh and, it is art.


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## heartsbeating

To follow after reading more posts here - my husband physically demonstrating his attraction is important to me. Demonstrating to each other is important to both of us. I've experienced the frustration of him not initiating and/or avoiding even though verbally he was displaying his attraction and complimenting me. My confidence was somewhat impacted during that time, until I decided for it not to be. I understand the emotions that can be felt in this. And even better, we decided to work on our issues that were causing the disconnect. We both agreed we wanted to turn this around and dealt with our own sh*t first - and then the relationship. It's still a work-in-progress but we're in a much stronger place. I'm vocal about my attraction to him and while he likes it, showing him speaks louder. Along with subtle flirtation. So while he's not been negative towards my appearance, we've certainly had our issues. I prefer to write of where we're at now as I get bored of rehashing where we were.

While I dig that he notices the small changes occurring with me now, even when I don't see them, the working-out is purely selfish for my own goals - both physically and mentally. It's a bonus that he digs these changes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Adelais

Yes, he does.

He has never complained about any part of my body. I was 5'5" and weighed 118 lbs when we got married. Every time I was pregnant, he thought I looked beautiful: he loved my "baby bump" and larger breasts. He especially loved having sex, since he knew my orgasm felt "bigger" because my uterus was bigger. The years that I was nursing children, he loved that I would have a let down while aroused. Come to think of it, all my body changes from being pregnant, or having children seemed to heighten my femininity in his mind, and helped me accept my changing body.

After our third child, I kept on about 20 extra pounds that made me feel uncomfortable, yet he never said a word, except that he thought I looked fine. Since losing that weight he says he prefers me thinner, and he knows I also feel better when I don't have extra weight on. I know that I am not as firm as I used to be, but he has never complained.

Even after 4 children, he comments that I am "tight" in the private area...that was a stupid concern of mine before having children...that having babies would make me loose down there.


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## snerg

ariel_angel77 said:


> He always says I'm super sexy to him. He's always all over me. I tell him that my stomach is fat and he says my stomach is his favorite part of my body. I like to wear a shirt during sex because I think I look bad, but he says he can't fully enjoy it unless I'm fully naked. He doesn't see anything wrong with my body.
> 
> I think he deserves someone who looks better. I mean, 11 months postpartum and I still have a lot of belly and side flab when he has not an ounce of fat on his body and looks perfect..


You need to stop this nonsense right now!

He will eventually begin to resent you for this.

From my Life - my wife is a thick woman (I'll be a pig here - Big butt, big hips, big boobs - oh so very very hot to me). 

I could not keep my hands off of her no matter how hard I'd try.

I could not stop looking at her in a hungry sexual way.

*She was so profoundly attractive to me that I couldn't help myself. *

That all ended when she let her issues with how she looked affect us. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she tired of me touching her and looking at her in any sexual way. The thought of me touching her made her sick to her stomach and that I made her feel like a piece of meat when I was looking at her.

I no longer touch her and I look at her only as my wife and mother of my children. I do not look at her in any capacity that could be construed as sexual. This has caused a lot of issues and MAJOR resentment.

If your husband is telling you that you are super sexy and he is all over you, then believe him. Work to make YOU fell better about YOU - but don't doubt that he likes what you have, especially when he is backing up what he says with physical touch (or making you take off your shirt during sex).


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## jld

snerg said:


> That all ended when she let her issues with how she looked affect us. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she tired of me touching her and looking at her in any sexual way. The thought of me touching her made her sick to her stomach and that I made her feel like a piece of meat when I was looking at her.
> 
> I no longer touch her and I look at her only as my wife and mother of my children. I do not look at her in any capacity that could be construed as sexual. This has caused a lot of issues and MAJOR resentment.


I have complained about various body parts to my dh. You know what he does then? Grabs them, kisses them, squeezes them, tells how beautiful they are. And I look at him incredulously, but appreciate it nonetheless.

And get your wife to TAM! There are lots of men here who see the world differently than the advertising world does. Your poor wife has been brainwashed into thinking only certain types are acceptable. Untrue!

Please don't blame her. Please _help_ her.


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## omgitselaine

Yes he does. Each and every time we go bed he'll caress or touch a part of my body with a " Good night and / or a I Love You "


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## Created2Write

I've never doubted my husband's insatiable attraction for me. He gets this look in eyes whenever I'm naked......mmmmm......makes me melt. I love how much he lusts after me. 

The sentiment is definitely returned.


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## Middle of Everything

Created2Write said:


> I've never doubted my husband's insatiable attraction for me. He gets this look in eyes whenever I'm naked......mmmmm......makes me melt. I love how much he lusts after me.
> 
> *The sentiment is definitely returned.*


The above is very important. RETURN that admiration/lust/compliments.

I have always been like that with my wife. Her? Not so much. Never so much as batted an eye if I walked past naked going to the shower. Still dont think shes ever told me her favorite feature/body part to this day even after its been discussed.

Now when she walks by naked to shower? Ehhh. That fire is slowly dying. I can see what some on here mean now about lack of reciprocity slowly slowly killing desire in them.

Oh well. Continue to work out and hope other women notice. Maybe then shell WANT me. Bad thing is Ill probably be too jaded and pissy to want her attention.


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## inquizitivemind

When I met my current husband, I had a lot of self image issues. My ex husband was very, very critical of every aspect of my body. He was always trying to change me. Do this exercise for this, do this for this. I have always been overweight, but I never minded because I am tall and shaped well (big hips, big butt, big boobs)

Well, needless to say he shot down my confidence because he just couldn't accept what he had married. So I kicked him to the curb. 

My current husband is the exact opposite. Actually, I was attracted to him in part because he always complimented me on everything. I have always hated my tummy, but my husband has never once made me feel self conscious about it. He is tall, thin and muscular, but he knows he has flaws too. We both accept each other for who we are.

I feel happy now that I have somebody who likes me for me. Its horrible to read about other relationships and how partners can be so mean. Why do people marry if they arent attracted to someone? People act as if they are forced into marriage. WEIRD


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## samyeagar

Middle of Everything said:


> The above is very important. RETURN that admiration/lust/compliments.
> 
> *I have always been like that with my wife. Her? Not so much. Never so much as batted an eye if I walked past naked going to the shower. Still dont think shes ever told me her favorite feature/body part to this day even after its been discussed.*
> 
> Now when she walks by naked to shower? Ehhh. That fire is slowly dying. I can see what some on here mean now about lack of reciprocity slowly slowly killing desire in them.
> 
> Oh well. Continue to work out and hope other women notice. Maybe then shell WANT me. Bad thing is Ill probably be too jaded and pissy to want her attention.


Faithful Wife and I have discussed this at length...male body worship. Unfortunately, I think this is something that many well meaning women just don't know about, how to do, or even that it matters at all. Society has drilled into mens heads that they need to admire, worship, praise their woman's body, lest they cause her to have, or reinforce existing body image issues. The same message has not been given to women, and so many of them remain totally clueless to the fact that men want and need the same.


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## TheCuriousWife

Created2Write said:


> I've never doubted my husband's insatiable attraction for me. He gets this look in eyes whenever I'm naked......mmmmm......makes me melt. I love how much he lusts after me.
> 
> The sentiment is definitely returned.


So JEALOUS! 

I've never gotten _the_ look. 

In fact, usually I don't even get a look if I'm naked. Sadness.


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## Faithful Wife

samyeagar said:


> Faithful Wife and I have discussed this at length...male body worship. Unfortunately, I think this is something that many well meaning women just don't know about, how to do, or even that it matters at all. Society has drilled into mens heads that they need to admire, worship, praise their woman's body, lest they cause her to have, or reinforce existing body image issues. The same message has not been given to women, and so many of them remain totally clueless to the fact that men want and need the same.


Our discussions are part of what prompted me to write this blog post:

I Married a Sex God: How to Worship a Man's Body


----------



## jld

intheory said:


> I'm the opposite. I've constantly complimented my H over the years. How could I not. He's so beautiful.
> 
> Sometimes, I have wondered if that was a mistake. Am I taken for granted?
> 
> But, I wouldn't change. It feels good to love someone that way. To let them know how good-looking they are.


Do you think he would be any different if you had not complimented him? Meaning, do you think he is just one to take people for granted, regardless of how they treat him?


----------



## samyeagar

intheory said:


> *What's weird is that growing up, (junior high school, high school), when we "crush" on guys; that's all we do. Talk about how gorgeous they are. Go over in our minds all the perfectness of their features. Talk about them on the phone at night after school. (this was before cell phones,obviously )*
> 
> So, I don't know if women need a "message".:scratchhead:
> 
> I think a lot of women marry "providers". Maybe not marrying a guy who excites them so much physically. I don't know. That's just an explanation that's out there.
> 
> I'm the opposite. I've constantly complimented my H over the years. How could I not. He's so beautiful.
> 
> Sometimes, I have wondered if that was a mistake. Am I taken for granted?
> 
> But, I wouldn't change. It feels good to love someone that way. To let them know how good-looking they are.


I have no doubts this is true...that in depth conversations were had between the girls, and no doubt the crushing, drooling, giggling amongst the women continues into adulthood too, but...

How much of that appreciation was vocalized to the actual guy in a one on one situation? I know you said you do, and that is great.

I know TONS of talking goes on behind the scenes among women, but I think there is some fundamental block in a lot of women that prevents them from vocalizing to their man the thoughts that go through their heads.

Would you like it if your husband stopped complimenting, vocally appreciating your body because he was afraid you'd start taking it for granted???


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## DanaS

samyeagar said:


> Faithful Wife and I have discussed this at length...male body worship. Unfortunately, I think this is something that many well meaning women just don't know about, how to do, or even that it matters at all. Society has drilled into mens heads that they need to admire, worship, praise their woman's body, lest they cause her to have, or reinforce existing body image issues. The same message has not been given to women, and so many of them remain totally clueless to the fact that men want and need the same.


I always tell my husband how sexy and gorgeous he is. He always works out and has a great body, though he is humble about it and doesn't flaunt it or wear those ridiculous muscle t shirts. 

But when I see him just take off his shirt or naked...Oh yeah!!! 

Not to start a debate, but I find it hilarious how much older men love to state that "men age better than women" Puhhhlease! I work with many men my age and older and only a handful have taken good care of themselves and look to be in decent shape. 

The more time I spend around same age men, the more I am glad to be married to a younger man (with a great bod!)!


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## SimplyAmorous

I've always felt wanted & desired by my husband...there was a time I was being overly sensitive to his desire, but my hormones were out of whack... putting that crazy time aside..it didn't matter if I gained 40 plus lbs with each pregnancy, he made me feel sexy somehow even then.. 

Us women are always a little critical of our bodies..I don't know that we can help this... I do not like my stomach ... after 6 c-sections -(coconut oil didn't help me any) those stretch marks grew out of control...and it's just puffy & no amount of exercise can take that down...I've even asked him a few yrs ago if I could get a tummy tuck ...

He was adamant that I could NOT.... he would not allow even the slightest RISK over this....saying "you ain't doing it -you're not going to die on me"... then assured me how he loves my stomach... it's the "battle scars of our children".... it's all beautiful to him...so I've gotten over this.. yet I'd still never wear a bikini in public... 

That and my un-braced Teeth ...which he tells me just gives me character...(oh he tries !).... When our husbands can give this to us.. that assurance that , to them , we are perfect.. even in our imperfections...it's very uplifting to our spirits.. and how we feel about ourselves.. no doubt. 

My H has a couple of his own physical imperfections.. and it's very cool.. because what bothers him doesn't bother ME.. just as he feels that way about me.. and that works pretty well...


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## SimplyAmorous

samyeagar said:


> I have no doubts this is true...that in depth conversations were had between the girls, and no doubt the crushing, drooling, giggling amongst the women continues into adulthood too, but...
> 
> How much of that appreciation was vocalized to the actual guy in a one on one situation? I know you said you do, and that is great.
> 
> I know TONS of talking goes on behind the scenes among women, *but I think there is some fundamental block in a lot of women that prevents them from vocalizing to their man the thoughts that go through their heads.*
> 
> Would you like it if your husband stopped complimenting, vocally appreciating your body because he was afraid you'd start taking it for granted???


I understand how important this is..*NOW*..what it does for my Husband.... though regretfully in our past, I wasn't as verbally flirtatious ...letting him know what he does to me...like outside the bedroom, that is..though it was always present in the afterglow.. I took some things for granted. I awoke from my slumber on this one...it's been good for both of us.

Speaking of OTHER MEN..in my mind ...regardless of a momentary thrill up my spine in catching the glimpse of the hot Guy walking down the street, shirtless on a beach, a Rock star, the leading man....wherever they roam and cause a ROAR with the woman..... what is there to grab hold of..there is nothing REAL... it's passing eye candy...it is FLUFF...

To build them up in our heads is to live in a fantasy ..there is no return for this.. ya know.. it's empty. 

In reality... they could NEVER MEASURE UP TO the one who was there from the beginning...who holds us, who we've danced with , wiped our tears...experienced the greatest pleasures we've ever known...who we've laughed so hard with , we've peed our pants, raised children with....with every high and every low...they have remained our greatest fan.. Yeah... to love the one we're with.. (like that song).. is to bring both of us the greatest rejuvenated Joy.. gush on each other.... I am all for that. ..that's the romantic in me.









Honestly...I'd cause a man's ego to inflate so bad, he'd rise like a hot air balloon into the sky....if he was already on the egotistical side, he'd be utterly obnoxious to all who knew him. 

It's very good my H is a humble man... I still don't think he believes he is anything special ... yet I KNOW it makes him feel wholly loved, wanted...he knows what he means to me...he doesn't take this for granted... he does tell me I am warped , however-when I gush on his body ..but with a


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## heartsbeating

My husband is confident in his own right but certainly has his insecurities... when I verbalize certain positive sentiments to him, the way I see him - his character, it may not be the way he sees himself. It may sound lame to some but I feel honored and endeared when he admits his vulnerabilities and insecurities to me. It's what makes us whole - that mix of everything combined. 

With a bit of life stuff currently happening with us, I expressed how awesome I think he's doing, how much I admire him. He's feeling a bit raw and has moments of insecurity and he said it means a lot to him to hear this. It's not just to make him feel good or sugar-coat anything, it's truly how I see him. I drew on examples of others around him, showing him support with a similar view. We both need this from time to time, what with being human and all.

As for his body? ......I'll compliment and vocalize but physically demonstrating my admiration speaks more to him.


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## Hope4love

I've noticed a few things in my relationship over the years.

1) When my wife compliments my physical features, it makes a huge impact on me.

2) When I compliment my wife on her physical features, yes politely and tastefully, she is happy, but it doesn't have much of an impact on the way she sees herself.


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## code20

When we were first married my husband was very critical of my appearance. He judged my clothes, my shoes, my hair, and always pushed me to dress ****ty. He wAs very watchful of my weight and made comments for each pregnancy for our 3 kids, fearing I would not lose the weight. Some of our biggest fights were when he wanted me to admit my boobs were sub par and I needed a boob job. It really ticked him off that I insisted they were ok. He thought he deserved better

We have been together 23 years now and I don't look the same as I did at 22. Neither does my husband. However, I feel that my husband sees me as more beautiful now than he did back then. And appreciates me more, though by any objective standard my beauty is less. He no longer feels entitled to a model quality beauty after being slapped down a bit by life. He also has let go of the idea that he can prove he has the biggest •••• by having the chick with the shortest skirt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20

Hope4love said:


> I've noticed a few things in my relationship over the years.
> 
> 1) When my wife compliments my physical features, it makes a huge impact on me.
> 
> 2) When I compliment my wife on her physical features, yes politely and tastefully, she is happy, but it doesn't have much of an impact on the way she sees herself.


Why do you think that is?:scratchhead: Is she hard on herself?


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## SimplyAmorous

heartsbeating said:


> My husband is confident in his own right but certainly has his insecurities... when I verbalize certain positive sentiments to him, the way I see him - his character, it may not be the way he sees himself. *It may sound lame to some but I feel honored and endeared when he admits his vulnerabilities and insecurities to me. It's what makes us whole - that mix of everything combined. *


 Not lame, I'm sure many of us feel this way.. I , too, feel honored that he would let me in....it would bother me if a man could not go these places with me.. 

I asked mine what his biggest insecurity was one day, a few yrs back...he thought for a moment.. and it's related to his physical strength.. he told me a couple guys at work who are older ...how they manhandle things that he may struggle with....just makes him feel like he is less... ya know.. Men are proud of their physical strength... but ya know.. it's not like everyone can be a muscle man.. Everybody has something... then I just remind him I am attracted to lanky men... one + anyway. He lifts with the sons once in a while, should do it more consistent I guess.



> With a bit of life stuff currently happening with us, *I expressed how awesome I think he's doing, how much I admire him. He's feeling a bit raw and has moments of insecurity and he said it means a lot to him to hear this. It's not just to make him feel good or sugar-coat anything, it's truly how I see him. I drew on examples of others around him, showing him support with a similar view. We both need this from time to time, what with being human and all.
> *
> *As for his body? ......I'll compliment and vocalize but physically demonstrating my admiration speaks more to him.*










.. Yeah... a little validation just makes for brighter days..

I don't think everyone needs it though....or even thinks about it much.. I've seen posts like that on here, even downing those who need it......I would say those people have "*Words of affirmation* on the bottom of their love languages, that would make sense....the difficulty would be if their spouse doesn't.... and they didn't offer it as much as it made the other feel loved & appreciated -for all they bring.


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## richie33

When you have a spouse that has body image issue sometimes this can be very tricky. I am very vocal in telling my wife she is attractive. But I have to be careful on the words I use.


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## heartsbeating

SimplyAmorous said:


> I don't think everyone needs it though....or even thinks about it much.. I've seen posts like that on here, even downing those who need it......I would say those people have "*Words of affirmation* on the bottom of their love languages, that would make sense....the difficulty would be if their spouse doesn't.... and they didn't offer it as much as it made the other feel loved & appreciated -for all they bring.


True stories. We're all different.

I verbalize those thoughts because that's what I do - and he's shared that he's appreciated hearing it. I think there's got to be a balance though of awareness of needs and acceptance of one another and what we bring.


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## Created2Write

TheCuriousWife said:


> So JEALOUS!
> 
> I've never gotten _the_ look.
> 
> In fact, usually I don't even get a look if I'm naked. Sadness.


I hope you get _the look_ soon. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't get it.


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## Anonymous07

TheCuriousWife said:


> So JEALOUS!
> 
> I've never gotten _the_ look.
> 
> In fact, usually I don't even get a look if I'm naked. Sadness.


:iagree:

Although I have gotten the look before... it just hasn't happened in a longg time. 

I really miss that. 

I tried looking all hot for my husband for our anniversary and he barely said a word about it. I don't know why I even try.


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## maverick23

When it comes to clothing or makeup, I think most of the stuff my wife thinks to be "cute" looks overdone. But what is most important to me is that SHE likes what she wears - I'd rather she like her outfit that I am secretly laughing at in my head than be unhappy wearing something I find visually appealing - the former is clearly the better choice for both of us.

Seems like a lot of wives on this thread are hard on themselves and I am guessing give the same response as my wife does - a meek "thanks...?" when I give her a serious compliment.

Not that this deters me from complimenting her - I love her features - but it is annoying as hell because I feel as though I am not being heard and/or she disagrees.

Food for thought.


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## jld

Don't take it personally, maverick. It's not about you.


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## HappyGilmore

My husband makes me feel great about my body. Sometimes, he'll just look at me and out of the blue say "Wow. You look awesome!" 
He sends me texts sometimes saying "love you, beautiful," "hey gorgeous," etc. It makes me weak in the knees, actually. 

He says to me "all of these flaws you say you have, I don't see them. I have no idea what you are talking about. What stretch marks? What cellulite? What spider veins? You are so perfect to me."

He also says "I love watching you get up in the morning, it's like I get a peep show everyday of a hot woman."

He has said (and I quote): "Just looking at you weakens me."


These things he says to me will have me blushing in a second, which is funny because if you know me, you would know that there are not many things that can make me blush. I've worked in healthcare for 15 years, so I have seen people at their worst--naked and sick. I have heard things coming out of their mouths that would make many people's ears catch on fire (especially in these last 7 years working in the ICU). I've been cursed out, spit on, had to dodge punches, and had the foulest sexual come-ons thrown at me (think of the most disgusting thing that some jerk at a bar can say to you, then add alcohol, drugs, head injury, and/or mental illness to magnify it by...1000x). :roll eyes: Such is life in the ICU.

But when my husband smiles at me...butterflies. When he's lying next to me in bed and says any of those things...I feel the blood rushing to my face. Heart racing, blushing, all of that--and we've been together for over 10 years! 

And yes, our kids are "grossed out" by our constant "loving on each other" as they call it.


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## MaritimeGuy

One difference between the male body image and female body image is many of the stereotypical physical characteristics women favour in men (muscular butt, muscular arms and shoulders, flat stomach etc) can be achieved through hard work.

On the contrary some of the stereotypical physical characteristics men favour in women (large firm breasts, narrow waists etc) they're either born with or require surgery to achieve.


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## Middle of Everything

MaritimeGuy said:


> One difference between the male body image and female body image is many of the stereotypical physical characteristics women favour in men (muscular butt, muscular arms and shoulders, flat stomach etc) can be achieved through hard work.
> 
> On the contrary some of the stereotypical physical characteristics men favour in women (large firm breasts, narrow waists etc) they're either born with or require surgery to achieve.


I disagree.

Some men can work hard or work out all they want and not be very buff. They'll be skinny and have the flat stomach but those arms shoulders and glutes can still be pretty scrawny.

Women working hard will get a narrow waist. To me thats the same as the flat stomach for men. The breasts Ill give you. 

It more comes down to the fact that husbands and wives can be overly critical pricks. They both can not appreciate what they have. I feel bad for men or women married to spouses who expect perfection or near perfection and vocally criticize anything less.


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## MaritimeGuy

Middle of Everything said:


> It more comes down to the fact that husbands and wives can be overly critical pricks. They both can not appreciate what they have. I feel bad for men or women married to spouses who expect perfection or near perfection and vocally criticize anything less.


I never would have thought it...but this thread has taught me differently. Never in a million years would I have started criticizing my spouse's body. Even if my criticisms were valid (from the point of view they had to do with her letting herself go) I would have thought any criticism would be counter productive. I would have taken the 'why don't you join me at the gym or on the bike?' kind of approach.

I suppose if I felt any part of her anatomy (she couldn't impact through exercise) was unacceptable to me I guess I wouldn't have married her. 

I suspect the kind of people levelling this kind of criticism would find something wrong even if they were married to a super model. Some people just feel they build themselves up by tearing others down.


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## samyeagar

MaritimeGuy said:


> I never would have thought it...but this thread has taught me differently. Never in a million years would I have started criticizing my spouse's body. Even if my criticisms were valid (from the point of view they had to do with her letting herself go) I would have thought any criticism would be counter productive. I would have taken the 'why don't you join me at the gym or on the bike?' kind of approach.
> 
> I suppose if I felt any part of her anatomy (she couldn't impact through exercise) was unacceptable to me I guess I wouldn't have married her.
> 
> I suspect the kind of people levelling this kind of criticism would find something wrong even if they were married to a super model. Some people just feel they build themselves up by tearing others down.


My ex wife was very vocally critical of my physical appearance, so I can absolutely relate to being on the receiving end, but I just can't wrap my mind around actually saying anything of the sort to my partner.


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## EnjoliWoman

My ex was highly critical. I was thin when I met him but not toned at 5'6.5 and 125lbs. He was very attracted to me physically but I was self conscious because I'd always battled weight gain. As soon as I put on 20 pounds (still well within a normal range) he would grab a handful of flesh at the hip and jiggle the fat in my hips/butt and make noises like a propeller. I would tell him that made me feel unattractive and he would say he was just joking around and never stopped - my feelings on the matter were unimportant. And he wondered why I wasn't turned on by him (it was his actions). Note that he had been quite fit when he was younger and had muscle tone but also had some extra weight and a round abdomen but seemed to think he had the body of a god.

When I was pregnant he measured my upper arm, saying it was almost as big as his (after all he couldn't complain about my tummy!). I took pregnancy as an excuse to eat and weighted 199 at the time of her birth. After the baby the grabbing/jiggling continued and he got life insurance for us and they came out to do a physical and he scrutinized the weight (175) saying he hadn't realized I'd gotten THAT big. Then he started asking me "out of curiosity" to hop on the scale and started regulating my weight. 

I started working out and eventually went back to work and got down to 163 (US size 12) and in a few years left as he was verbally abusive and critical in other ways and physically abusive (smacking my head, shoving, spitting) so I left.

So after 15 years of THAT it really took a toll on my body image. I've tried ignoring it and faking confidence. I've finally come to a good place and appreciate my good health and what it can do. Coming to peace with my body helped me want to take care of it better and I exercise regularly and I'm in better shape health-wise than I've ever been and the weight is coming off for all of the RIGHT reasons now.

I will never let a man make me feel bad about me again.


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## Faithful Wife

Your picture is so cute, Enjoli. I hope you do feel confident now!


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## murphy5

I do try to be supportive. 

But overweight is a special category. If a woman (or man for that matter) is many pounds overweight and doing nothing to improve it...it is hard to ignore that. 

Almost anything else is something a man can learn to love.


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## LongWalk

jld got banned. Hope she is allowed back.


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## Sunburn

I learned early on not to compliment any part of my X's body, even her hair. She construed that to mean I wanted sex and made her feel pressured.


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## lifeistooshort

LongWalk said:


> jld got banned. Hope she is allowed back.



Why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort

Sunburn said:


> I learned early on not to compliment any part of my X's body, even her hair. She construed that to mean I wanted sex and made her feel pressured.




How often did you do it when you weren't looking for sex? My hb does give me compliments but he definitely does it more when he wants sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunburn

lifeistooshort said:


> How often did you do it when you weren't looking for sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously?


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## lifeistooshort

Sunburn said:


> Seriously?



Yes, seriously, and the fact that you ask that suggests that maybe that was an issue. There are men that don't pay a lot of attention until they want sex; I know because my ex was one. If you're not cool, I was just asking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunburn

lifeistooshort said:


> There are men that don't pay a lot of attention until they want sex; I know because my ex was one.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You had something in common with my X, lumping all men into the same category.


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## lifeistooshort

Sunburn said:


> You had something in common with my X, lumping all men into the same category.


Wow. So I asked you a question, which if it didn't apply you could have easily said "nope, doesn't apply to me", and that means I've lumped all men together. Methinks I've touched a nerve, perhaps you should consider why you're so defensive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anonymous07

lifeistooshort said:


> Wow. So I asked you a question, which if it didn't apply you could have easily said "nope, doesn't apply to me", and that means I've lumped all men together. Methinks I've touched a nerve, perhaps you should consider why you're so defensive.


:lol: I agree. My husband was similar. He would suddenly get more affectionate when he wanted sex(more hugging, complimenting, etc), but has since gotten better. Although the compliments in general have kind of just died off which is sad, but I'm hoping we can work on that issue, too. I wouldn't be surprised to hear it's a common issue, but obviously not all men act that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunburn

lifeistooshort said:


> Wow. So I asked you a question, which if it didn't apply you could have easily said "nope, doesn't apply to me", and that means I've lumped all men together. Methinks I've touched a nerve, perhaps you should consider why you're so defensive.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Typical 

Perhaps you should get over yourself


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## Quantmflux

Interesting and complex topic. Ultimately I do think that body image comes from inside which is why it is such a hard battle. Men are not immune (Ive always had huge body image issues), but I think many men gloss over it with bravado.

A lot of guys do learn early that this is an area you are careful with in a relationship. And it goes without saying that *not tearing someone down* should be a no brainer for anyone. Thats just common human decency. The things some of the ladies here have had to hear are brutal. 

Compliments are trickier, IMO. I think many guys probably don't do this "right" if we're all being honest, although I suspect most try. Some of it is about how close your personal style of communication matches what your partner needs (like anything else)

The point of compliments flowing the _other_ way, though, has left me wondering...

The ladies here who said they do shower their husband with compliments have said that their husbands are tall, handsome and buff. Similarly, many of the women who dont feel good about their own bodies have also said how tall handsome and buff their husband is.

What I'm wondering is what if your husband *isn't * tall handsome and buff? 

I think most men and women would agree that no matter what your wife looks like, you should love and compliment her and find her _physically_ attractive. Maybe not lie, but focus on the positive, yes?

The rule for men though seems to be that if you're tall, handsome and buff, expect affirmation. If you're not, and your wife did marry a "provider", then look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. 

I wonder are there any ladies here whose husbands *aren't* tall, handsome and buff who compliment them anyhow (specifically on their looks)? Are there any ladies who are super fit, but married to guys who absolutely are not, who tell their husband how handsome he is? I get the feeling that no one would be sympathetic to a big fat guy complaining that he doesnt feel his fit wife is sexually attracted to him :rofl:

Honestly just curious about if there _really_ is a double-standard, or if it is just a perception.


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## Anonymous07

Quantmflux said:


> The ladies here who said they do shower their husband with compliments have said that their husbands are tall, handsome and buff. Similarly, many of the women who dont feel good about their own bodies have also said how tall handsome and buff their husband is.
> 
> What I'm wondering is what if your husband isn't tall handsome and buff?


My husband isn't exactly "tall" at 5'8", but he is still taller than me. He is absolutely handsome to me, but I don't know if everyone would find him as sexy as I do. I also wouldn't call him "buff"(average build), but he has started working out lately which is very attractive. It is the sexiest thing in the world to me to watch my husband go running in the morning with our son in the jogging stroller.  He's not a model, but he is incredibly sexy to me and it goes beyond just physical looks. 

I compliment my husband on his looks often though. I love to point out his leg and arm muscles, his weight loss(he has slimmed down some and become more toned), the way he looks in a suit(he wears one every day for work and it never gets old), how good he smells(his natural scent is great), and so on. I am very attracted to my husband and I do consider myself to be very fit(5'5", 120 lbs). I just hope my husband can learn to compliment me more often again as he used to. It gets frustrating when you try to look good for someone and they don't say a word.


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## EnjoliWoman

Sunburn said:


> Typical
> 
> Perhaps you should get over yourself


No, seriously. It's a legitimate question. Asking that doesn't automatically lump you into any category. It's a common mistake. We all make 'common mistakes' - hence the word 'common'. That doesn't mean we assume you made that mistake, otherwise she wouldn't have asked you.


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## Holly's sister

Overall yes he does. But at times if I put something on he will tell me I don't like that on you. He tries to be honest, Sometimes I appreciate it, other times I cry.


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## lifeistooshort

Sunburn said:


> Typical
> 
> Perhaps you should get over yourself


Well now it's clear why you're divorced. All her fault and you had no part in anything.....
Typical; don't have an argument so you insult people. Perhaps you should get over yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wayword

Absolutely not. He only says he likes my butt and we only have sex in the position that shows that. If I wear something he thinks "shows my stomach" he is all too eager to say so -- or pull it away so that it isn't tight. If i try to wear something I think it pretty, he says I'm trying too hard and should "Just be comfortable" (i.e. wear sloppy clothes like he does). When we used to have sex and I woudl be aroused he said I got too wet and he coudln't feel anything. Well that's certainly not a problem now! I always wonder if he would treat me differently if I were smaller -- I think I gained about 30 lbs since we were married 8 years ago. I'll be honest; one of the reasons I never did bother to look for another sex partner was because I knew no one else would want me. My own husband doesn't (until the once a month when he's feeling frisky or whatever and it's convenient for him)!


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## thetiredmommy

jld said:


> Considering all the body image issues I have had over the years, I am happy to say that at least they did not come from my husband. He has always expressed delight with my body. Even when I was having kids every couple years, and carrying extra weight, he never made me feel like I was anything less than beautiful to him. I am really glad, too, because I probably could not have handled it if he had had issues.
> 
> Has your husband been helpful or harmful on the body image front? Or neutral?


Oh yes definitely. He calls me beautiful all the time. Even when I don't or didn't feel good about my body, he is always making me feel good. After pregnancy, my hips got wider and butt got bigger. He loved that! I so did not understand that, but he did...

I'm glad that your hubby is good to you, too, especially with the media making us feel like poop about our bodies!


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## Anonymous07

wayword said:


> Absolutely not. He only says he likes my butt and we only have sex in the position that shows that. If I wear something he thinks "shows my stomach" he is all too eager to say so -- or pull it away so that it isn't tight. If i try to wear something I think it pretty, he says I'm trying too hard and should "Just be comfortable" (i.e. wear sloppy clothes like he does). When we used to have sex and I woudl be aroused he said I got too wet and he coudln't feel anything. Well that's certainly not a problem now! I always wonder if he would treat me differently if I were smaller -- I think I gained about 30 lbs since we were married 8 years ago. I'll be honest; one of the reasons I never did bother to look for another sex partner was because I knew no one else would want me. My own husband doesn't (until the once a month when he's feeling frisky or whatever and it's convenient for him)!


I'm very sorry to hear this. I hope you know, even without your husband's approval, that you still look great. Personally, I couldn't stay married to a man who would treat me as your husband does. That isn't right. 

In the mean time, do you do things for yourself? Workout to help yourself feel good about your body? Take time to get a massage?


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## MaritimeGuy

wayword said:


> Absolutely not. He only says he likes my butt and we only have sex in the position that shows that. If I wear something he thinks "shows my stomach" he is all too eager to say so -- or pull it away so that it isn't tight. If i try to wear something I think it pretty, he says I'm trying too hard and should "Just be comfortable" (i.e. wear sloppy clothes like he does). When we used to have sex and I woudl be aroused he said I got too wet and he coudln't feel anything. Well that's certainly not a problem now! I always wonder if he would treat me differently if I were smaller -- I think I gained about 30 lbs since we were married 8 years ago. I'll be honest; one of the reasons I never did bother to look for another sex partner was because I knew no one else would want me. My own husband doesn't (until the once a month when he's feeling frisky or whatever and it's convenient for him)!


This sounds abusive to me. A lot of abusers use the technique of tearing down their partners and convincing them no one else will want them. Pretty much text book actually. 

No one who loves their spouse would say the kinds of things your husband is saying to you. It's downright cruel.


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## WandaJ

I didn't go through the whole thread, but wonder if someone said " my husband doesn't but my lover does"? , lol. 

Sorry, couldn't resist


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## ne9907

I agree with some posters who expressed acknowledging our body issues by our own but it does feel amazing when your so delights in your body. 
My ex was all about words. Not specifically my body but he would tell me I was beautiful often. His words never matched his actions. He actually did not say anything about my body

The man I am currently with does both. He says he loves certain parts of me and he delights in them, and all of me. Makes me feel wanted and desired every time we are together.


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