# UPDATE TO: Banned By His Friends



## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

Just wanted to post an update for those of you who commented on my situation regarding my husband informing me I was not welcome to join him in socializing with his best friend (40) and the friend's 24yr old girlfriend. 

What I learned tonight is that my husband (52) fell in love with his best friend's hot young live in-girlfriend. That is why he lied, claiming I had done something that he didn't know what, to cause me to be banned from them. It turns out he has been into her from the first meeting over a year and a half ago. I can't believe I called him on it from the start and believed him when he said, "Say what? Honey you have nothing to worry about. Not only is she just too young, full of herself, (and whatever other bull**** he shoveled my way) but you know I get hard whenever I'm near you ,babe, so that proves that I'm still into you doesn't it?"

He has tried to create any opportunity to hang out with his b.f. only to be in her presence, cherishing her smile at him, ebracing her as she gives him a welcome! hug, ANYTHING she sent his way that was meaningless to her yet meant the world to him. Shortly before I wrote my original post, my husband, out of the blue one night approached me claiming that he wanted to recommit himself to me, do whatever it took to show me that I meant the world to him while within the same week continuing with the numerous hours socializing with his b.f. and the 24 yr old AND spending the night there 3 times this past week, claiming that it was too inconvenient to drive 13 miles home since he lost track of time and it's nearly midnight. I recently found out the reason he did this bull**** profession of newfound love for me is that this couple is moving to the east coast. So, I believe, he thinks to himself: "Well, I've treated my wife like **** the past 1 1/2yrs, the hottie I've fallen in love withand that I have NO chance with, is leaving the state, so now that I am losing the only friend I have and his hottie girlfriend I should start getting back into good graces with my wife so I'm not all alone."

His belongings are out of the house tomorrow while he's at work and the locks will be re-keyed. Hmmm, maybe I should drop off his **** at his best friend's/b.f.'s girlfriend's house? If any of you reside in Riverside County in So. Calif, and have been, at the least, led on and simultaneously rejected, and would find it therapeutic to help me kick this !*% out come on by, I could use a helping hand.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

What a piece of work. So this was no real relationship just some kind of school boy crush on a woman half his age? Or did it go further? 

Either way good riddance.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Awe Michelle, I am so sorry. It's amazing how some people have their heads to far up their butts. Good for you for drawing the line. Be prepared though for him to grovel and moan about how much you mean to him. Don't buy it. If you meant so much, he wouldn't have treated you like this and put his friend and the friend gf before you. How creepy that he is 52 and she is 24. Gross.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Wow what a sad loser. So he essentially checked out of your marriage for a made up relationship that is in his head. 

You are far better off without a guy who cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. He should have chosen you from the start and walked away from his attraction to her and worked on his connection to you. What a silly guy.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

When I read your original post, the idea of a 3-way sprang to mind. I didn't want to speculate like that.

I'm really sorry to hear about the pain.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Syrum said:


> Wow what a sad loser.


Agreed. 

Give him a dose of reality. 

I wonder if his friend knows.

I just have never understood what the hell a 24 yr old and a 40/52 yr old would have in common. For real. It's silly.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I just have never understood what the hell a 24 yr old and a 52 yr old would have in common. For real. It's silly.


The number 2? Brought to you by Sesame Street.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

How did you find out he was in love with her?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Brennan said:


> The number 2? Brought to you by Sesame Street.


LOL


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I just have never understood what the hell a 24 yr old and a 40/52 yr old would have in common. For real. It's silly.


Agreed.
I have nieces and nephews in their early to mid 20's and I am very close with the ones that live nearby. It is common for them to bring friends over to meet us and/or have dinner, maybe a couple of beers.
They are all young and beautiful. I cannot imagine me having a crush on one or even thinking about one in a sexual way. I think of them like they are my kids. My wife and I _do_ tease each other once in a while about the young ones, but it is all in jest and neither of us can imagine trying to get someone half our age.
Gross


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## Leah L (Jan 11, 2011)

OMG. Thank you for posting, your situation puzzled me but I would never have guessed!

I am sorry you are going through this. 

When I was a young waitress, I always remember these "old" men pathetically hitting on me. It was sad and gross to me at the time. It blows my mind now to be that "old" age and imagine acting like such a fool.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Sorry to hear this. Glad to hear you are moving on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm thirty and I cannot imagine or even entertain the thought of dating someone my parents' age. Never have, never will. It's weird to me.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

sinnister said:


> How did you find out he was in love with her?


I brought it up to him. Telling him that I was well aware of his interest in her and that she is the reason he had been spending an excessive amount of time there. No denial whatsoever from him. Thinking back to my first time meeting her, he had his complete focus on her, sat himself right next to her at every opportunity, etc. I could see it written all over his face. He was enamored with her. 

Leaving the house going to hang out with them, wearing clothes and shoes I bought for him, that looked great on him, yet he wouldn't wear them for me, saying he thought they were too uncomfortable. Coloring his grey gotee which he was too lazy to do when I asked him to. While spending his time with them late into the night, never once texting me, just to say "Hi, hon" at the least. These kinds of things that I wanted to believe I was just overreacting to. 

And lastly, coming across a picture of a former friend's daughter on his phone. He had lived with his former friend for a short time. She was 19/20 and engaged. While he was enebreated, I asked him about the pic, and he revealed that he was into her at the time and described how he would want to read into friendly hugs he would get from her, or her taking the time to talk with him, which turned him on and he read more into it feeling these were signs she was giving him that she would be into him, if he was younger.

I would think back to that experience when he would describe to me upon returning from his current best buddy's place, while enebriated, how his buddy's 24 yr old chick would rub her breasts on him while giving him the Welcome! greeting hug. 

It is beyond excruciatingly painful reflecting on the past 1.5 yrs since he laid eyes on his buddy's girl knowing that he had been consumed by thoughts of her and telling me last night that's it's easy for him to deal with causing me so much emotional pain because he just turns his back to it, doesn't give it any thought and can easily enjoy his free time hanging out with this couple.

Huh, he hasn't left for work yet, I'm in the kitchen while I'm typing this. I am doing my best to resist crushing his balls as he walks past me non-chalantly.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> What a piece of work. So this was no real relationship just some kind of school boy crush on a woman half his age? Or did it go further?
> 
> Either way good riddance.


It is just my husband's wishful fantasy that she will suddenly turn away from his best friend and run into his arms. Not a frickin' chance. He's selling his house now that his divorce is final and moving with his new love to the east coast where his extended family resides.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Agreed.
> 
> Give him a dose of reality.
> 
> ...


There is not a chance in h-e-double hockey sticks that his buddy knows of the hots my husband has for her. My husband wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize his ability to interact with her.


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

SoCalMichelle said:


> There is not a chance in h-e-double hockey sticks that his buddy knows of the hots my husband has for her. My husband wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize his ability to interact with her.


So why don't you...?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What a sad man. Pack a business card to a psychologist into his stuff, if you have one. He's gonna need it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

For goodness sakes, tell this guy! His precious girl may have been leading your guy on.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SoCalMichelle said:


> It is just my husband's wishful fantasy that she will suddenly turn away from his best friend and run into his arms. Not a frickin' chance. He's selling his house now that his divorce is final and moving with his new love to the east coast where his extended family resides.


Might I ask if the gf was the other woman for the recently divorced man?
Also, I would tell him regardless. He is going to want to know why his friend is being divorced. At least you can tell him the truth instead of the riddled with lies fantasy that your spouse will tell him.


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Might I ask if the gf was the other woman for the recently divorced man?
> Also, I would tell him regardless. He is going to want to know why his friend is being divorced. At least you can tell him the truth instead of the riddled with lies fantasy that your spouse will tell him.


:iagree:

This guy absolutely should know at the very least that his so-called "friend" was only spending time with him because he wanted to get in the gf's pants. Given that the friend is probably an insecure older man himself trying desperately to keep a young woman interested in him, he probably won't take too kindly to competition of that sort.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Wow!

I would normally say midlife crisis, but his willfull hurting of his wife without regard is baffling. Why so some men act like this?

Sorry to read this. Hope he wises up.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

turnera said:


> For goodness sakes, tell this guy! His precious girl may have been leading your guy on.


Uh, no. Read my additional comments about the pic of another friend's daughter. It seems this has been a habit of my husband's. Having the opportunity to spend time with young women thru friends etc. and getting caught up in their youth and attractiveness. His (40) buddy is a very attractive man himself and his new(24) girlfriend is equally so. My husband has nothing on him. The couple are madly in "love" with one another.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Are the locks changed yet? Stuff in Hefty bags on the lawn?


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

Myopia1964 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> This guy absolutely should know at the very least that his so-called "friend" was only spending time with him because he wanted to get in the gf's pants. Given that the friend is probably an insecure older man himself trying desperately to keep a young woman interested in him, he probably won't take too kindly to competition of that sort.


His buddy, in my opinion, would be completely clueless. Mostly because they enjoy hanging out, smoking cigars, listening to tunes, chatting etc. My husband would not be obvious about his lust for his buddies girl.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Are the locks changed yet? Stuff in Hefty bags on the lawn?


Ha, Brennan, the locksmith is here now while I am getting the support I need to keep my momentum going with today's plan. Boxes are ready for only the essentials. The boxes will be delivered courtesy of me to his buddie's with a note on them and an email letting them know while they have enjoyed hanging out with my husband he has enjoyed fantasizing about banging his girlfriend. So now they can have him for more than a few overnight's. It'll be in his friend's hands as to how he will deal with it. My guess is that my husband will claim we had a fight and I jumped into the deep end of the paranoia pool.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Maybe your STBXH was desperately hoping to bang her before she left.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SoCalMichelle said:


> Ha, Brennan, the locksmith is here now while I am getting the support I need to keep my momentum going with today's plan. Boxes are ready for only the essentials. The boxes will be delivered courtesy of me to his buddie's with a note on them and an email letting them know while they have enjoyed hanging out with my husband he has enjoyed fantasizing about banging his girlfriend. So now they can have him for more than a few overnight's. It'll be in his friend's hands as to how he will deal with it. My guess is that my husband will claim we had a fight and I jumped into the deep end of the paranoia pool.


You're not in the paranoia pool, he is in the delusional pond. So he wants to hang around young women, let him seal his doom. After he is left with half, he is going to look a whole lot less attractive to any "potential" girls he thinks he can score. They will just see him for who he is.
I strongly caution you again though, he will grovel and beg. This fairy tale chick is leaving the state and you are leaving him as well. He will be alone and scared. He will come crawling back.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Such a man is a bad partner choice. He'll spend the next 20 years wishing for his youth, and then, finally, in his 70s, he'll give up on that. And you'll miss the best 20 years of your life hoping he'll be true.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

Brennan said:


> You're not in the paranoia pool, he is in the delusional pond. So he wants to hang around young women, let him seal his doom. After he is left with half, he is going to look a whole lot less attractive to any "potential" girls he thinks he can score. They will just see him for who he is.
> I strongly caution you again though, he will grovel and beg. This fairy tale chick is leaving the state and you are leaving him as well. He will be alone and scared. He will come crawling back.


He won't be crawling back. They took him into their home last week. His buddy apparently sees me as a disgruntled wife just trying to cause problems for my husband. He's moving remainder of his belongings tomorrow to his buddy's house with his help. He used to grovel over the years when I kicked him overnight with the intention of making it permanent. Said all the things I wanted to hear to get back in. Well now there is nothing more he needs from me. His buddy and girl will be out of state for a month while my husband will enjoy himself at their house. I've spent the past 4 days reflecting on our relationship,while only getting him to respond when I threaten to toss his stuff out, or make a scene at his work. Nearly everything has been a lie, and he knows there's nothing he can say to the contrary. Sure he tries to throw things at me to make himself look good yet each and every comment I counter with the facts and there it is he gives it up. I am the one walking around numb, blinded by tears as I drive, while he doesn't have a care in the world about what I'm going thru and how much he has hurt me. I'm tossing him out. A minor inconvenience for him. An enormous amount of emotional pain for me watching him be a happy guy, feeling good with himself for having gotten this far with me, getting away with everything he has done to me to date. Sociopath.


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## johnboy63 (May 2, 2011)

I'm sure it is normal for an older man to be lusting over a younger woman but to neglect you and lie to you while doing it is out of the question. I'm sorry for your pain. I'm sure as far as a 24 yo young woman to be with an older man twice her age, she is either a gold digger looking for a sugar daddy or was abused by her father and continuing her subconscious need for a father figure. Either way she is damaged goods and far from a normal functioning member of society.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sounds like it. Use you til there's nothing more of value to give him.

Best revenge? Have a better life than him.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Best revenge? A great lawyer and THEN live a better life than him. I am so sorry SoCal. Just so sorry.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Michelle, I am sorry to hear it's come to this. It's normal for you to be feeling like how you are. This is really hard to deal with. Be strong and stay tough. We're here for you.

Don't grovel to him, please.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Michelle, I am sorry to hear it's come to this. It's normal for you to be feeling like how you are. This is really hard to deal with. Be strong and stay tough. We're here for you.
> 
> Don't grovel to him, please.


No groveling from me. However, the anger has a life of it's own.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL I wish I would have had more "anger" in my situation. I feel like I covered it up for way too long.

Cry, scream if you need to but don't let him see you sweat.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Best revenge? A great lawyer and THEN live a better life than him. I am so sorry SoCal. Just so sorry.


Thank you Brennan. Have to start practicing Poise Peace Power.


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## SoCalMichelle (Apr 18, 2011)

johnboy63 said:


> I'm sure it is normal for an older man to be lusting over a younger woman but to neglect you and lie to you while doing it is out of the question. I'm sorry for your pain. I'm sure as far as a 24 yo young woman to be with an older man twice her age, she is either a gold digger looking for a sugar daddy or was abused by her father and continuing her subconscious need for a father figure. Either way she is damaged goods and far from a normal functioning member of society.


Thank you Johnboy63. Yes, this girl AND my husband truly do have issues.


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