# how much time would you allow for a seperation?



## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

It's been three weeks since my wife moved out (and stayed at a girlfriend house who was out of town). As soon as she came back she flew home to her mother for four weeks.

So that would be almost 8 weeks total we will have been seperated with minimal email contact.

NOW she says when she comes back she is getting another place to stay in town, translation, I am not living with you..

Her living alone in town will just allow her to continue her EA with the other guy...

I am not sure I want to be anyones plan B and feel 8 weeks is more than enough time for someone to make up thier mind and make a decision..

I am thinking of giving her a ultimatum, either she makes a effort to reconcile by comming home, or we file for divorce. Even as I write these words, I say to myself, why would I want to stay married to someone that I have to give a ultimatum too...

But if she decides not to come back, then it's pretty much over in my mind. I've tried to do the 180, but it seems she has the same playbook...:scratchhead:


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I have thought about it too. I'm coming up on two weeks, she doesn't seem to have any plans on coming home. Seems to be fine in her new life.

My wife has the 180 down pat... only says what needs to be said and that's it.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

What I've learned from here on this site is that separation means the person wanting to leave just wants freedom to continue their affair. Getting the ok from you makes it acceptable to them to cheat because "you aren't together right now". Basically they want to go have guilt free sex with someone else while you are at home dealing with the kids, the house, the bills, etc. The vast majority of separations dont end up in reconciliation. Sorry to say that but it's the truth. If you are married and want to fight for your marriage then do so. But stepping aside so someone can go "sow their wild oats" is just setting yourself up for failure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I think ultimatums work if there is a 3rd party involved...make them make a choice...

If the separation is because of other issues needing to be worked on, then giving time and space is the best path to follow...


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

there is a third party and thats the primary cause of my wifes temporary insanity the last few months. 

When i said NC with him, she walked out a few days later..

If I force her hand, we may be done for good..so tragic it has come to this..

I don't recognize this person anymore..the woman that I married and loved is along gone it seems...


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

You have to be willing to lose the marriage before you can save it. Once you can accept that you can focus on what you should be doing. There is no "winning her back". You file for divorce, have her served (preferably at work if you can", then don't contact her for anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

I order to save the village you've got to destroy it!


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Unless the person is like the French in WWII and walked away without defending Paris.


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