# Needing a Man's Perspective From Outside



## Chrissie0511 (Mar 1, 2012)

I sometimes feel like I would do anything for my husband, I would go to the ends of the earth for him, but he won't do that for ANYONE else, not even me, his wife. I have jumped in and helped him financially when necessary, I have helped him physically when necessary. He thinks that I am supposed to bow down to his feet or something just because he moved me from an apartment to a house. He thinks that just because he married me I am supposed to be thankful, like there was nobody else that would have ever chosen me. That's how it makes me feel sometimes. Now, that is just a part of my dilemma, now when it comes to helping me with something such as changing the tires on my truck or helping me fix something, he will not lend a hand, he will not help me in any way shape or form, he will give me what he thinks is good advice, but he will not jump up and say hey, let me take that tire off for you and go put a new one on, I am expected to do all of this myself. To be honest, I have never been with a man that has ever made me do these things myself, I have always had my brother, or dad to do it for me too, but my husband, the man who is supposed to be my everything just won't help me with any of this. I don't know what to do or how to get him to see it. Just so that you are aware, I have even helped him take his motorcycle apart to help him change the spark plugs. I had no clue what I was doing, but I helped him because I love him and decided to be there to help, but when the table turns, I can't get that help. I just don't understand it.


----------



## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

What does he say when you ask him about it?


----------



## Chrissie0511 (Mar 1, 2012)

He basically just tells me that if it is my item, that makes it my responsibility.


----------



## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

It sounds like there may be some underlying resentment towards you. This is not normal behavior, in my opinion, and requires some real thorough conversation. And if there is no underlying motive to 'get back at you' for something, then he's just a dead beat. Sorry.


----------



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

Chrissie0511 said:


> He basically just tells me that if it is my item, that makes it my responsibility.


I hate when guys make cop-out statements like this. I would tell him in a nice way, "Honey, when we became a married couple, we SHARE responsibilities. Especially things that a man generally knows more about. I would really appreciate your help with this."

If he still acts the same way...then I am at a loss. I have a brother in law that is like this. My sister and I have to do a great deal for our mother, who is disabled. My wonderful bro-in-law, who is a freaking _teacher_ for a large US automotive manufacturer, refuses to even look at his own wife's mother's car if she has a problem. Says "your mom's car is your problem". 

It's time for your man to "man up", and show you some respect. I can't imagine leaving things like this to my wife. Make sure that you remind him that marriage is an EQUAL partnership...and good luck!


----------



## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

Chrissie0511 said:


> He basically just tells me that if it is my item, that makes it my responsibility.


That's pretty harsh. You told him you'd like some reciprocation and he blows you off? I'm definitely not taking his side, but it seems like I'm missing something. 'Cause if he is/was always that way, why are you WITH him?

My wife is more than a little brusk and won't let fly with pleasantries, but when she's up for it, she contributes greatly.

Of course, w/ my 'nice guy' tendencies, I'm always looking for more reciprocation. I'm learning that isn't exactly fair.


----------



## Buddysnude (Mar 26, 2012)

First off, When you two got married, what's his became yours and what's yours became his. So if he won't change a tire on your truck, drive his vehicle, he will either fix it your truck or walk.

Seriously, There is an underlining problem here, maybe his Mom made him do everything growing up as to make him resent any woman asking him to do anything. Or, he may have the mentality of "What's in it for me" In any case, Communication is the key, keep talking to him to find out why he acts the way he does when you ask him to do something.


----------



## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

Two parts to this answer:

a) You, apparently, are pretty certain that your partner is not a partner. If that is correct, then you need to divorce him pronto.

b) The IF THAT IS CORRECT part is key. In my experience, people tend to value their own contributions to a relationship and devalue the contributions of their partner. Are you CERTAIN that from his viewpoint he is unwilling to do anything? While we're at it, I am generally suspicious of anyone saying, "I would do anything for my partner." I hear that a lot in some circles and it's generally untrue. "Anything" covers an awful lot of ground.

So I guess what I'd end up with is saying you should leave him AFTER you check your facts CAREFULLY and make sure you're not operating from personal bias. But if your story is factually correct... "you would do anything and he will do nothing" then really it's a pretty obvious answer. I just don't think that's likely to be correct on both counts.

~Jeff


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Chrissie0511 said:


> I sometimes feel like I would do anything for my husband, I would go to the ends of the earth for him, but he won't do that for ANYONE else, not even me, his wife. I have jumped in and helped him financially when necessary, I have helped him physically when necessary. He thinks that I am supposed to bow down to his feet or something just because he moved me from an apartment to a house. He thinks that just because he married me I am supposed to be thankful, like there was nobody else that would have ever chosen me. That's how it makes me feel sometimes. Now, that is just a part of my dilemma, now when it comes to helping me with something such as changing the tires on my truck or helping me fix something, he will not lend a hand, he will not help me in any way shape or form, he will give me what he thinks is good advice, but he will not jump up and say hey, let me take that tire off for you and go put a new one on, I am expected to do all of this myself. To be honest, I have never been with a man that has ever made me do these things myself, I have always had my brother, or dad to do it for me too, but my husband, the man who is supposed to be my everything just won't help me with any of this. I don't know what to do or how to get him to see it. Just so that you are aware, I have even helped him take his motorcycle apart to help him change the spark plugs. I had no clue what I was doing, but I helped him because I love him and decided to be there to help, but when the table turns, I can't get that help. I just don't understand it.


to put it bluntly your husband is a complete a$$. I would not expect him to change unless you lay down an ultimatum. Absolutely unacceptable behavior for a spouse.


----------

