# I'm afraid to take the plunge



## love_joy (Jan 10, 2012)

Ive only been married to my husband for a year, but we've been together for 4 yrs total. we have a beautiful 1 yr old together and im starting to feel like i cant hold on. our relationship has always been rocky, hes cheated on me numerous times and everytime i gave him the benefit of the doubt like a [email protected] b/c of his past issues he had and at that point in my life, he literally was all i had. welp, I found out i was pregnant after a horrible trip we took together. once we got back home i dumped him and never wanted to see him again(we had a horrible fight..verbal and physical)...later that night i found out i was pregnant and to this day i dont know why i didnt get an abortion. i married him b/c i felt i had no other choice and hoped he truly changed(also, my horrible mom told me my life was over and that didnt help my non existent self esteem) anyway, i found out he was cheating again......blah blah he gets deployed hes cheating and contacting at least 5 other females and unfortunately the anger and resentment for the past 2 1/2 yrs caused me to retaliate and sleep w/3 other men out of anger.

anyway...hes back now from his deployment and we've both had counseling, a few times together and separate. he kept telling me he changed and he was following my conditions and terms and how he found christ..supposedly. so i noticed i never seen his phone around and i asked him was there anything he wanted to tell me...he gave me that dumb look he gets when hes lying and i proceed to gather evidence. i hoped i wouldnt find any, but i did. he started talking to 3 more females, all were fellow soldiers and he started it after we went to counseling. at this point i hate him. i confronted him and he kept lying and denying and said i was making something into nothing. im so disgusted by him and hate i have to live w/him.

our lease ends in june and right now i only have a little over 4,000 saved up. im not working right now, but i have filled out lots of applications. something is telling me to go. everyday that voice gets louder, but i dont have much money. i started looking at apartments and im considering moving next month or in march b/c i hate him that much. my mom says he just got back and i need to give him time to adjust and proved how hes changed*eye roll* but im tired of wasting my time on this bastard

hes only been back since last wednesday and i stopped talking to him thursday........he tried to speak to me, but im allergic to bullsh*t. i couldnt do it. should i even bother to talk to him?

or should i just remain quiet and avoid him as much as possible till my my daughter and i can leave?


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

Don't fight and argue. It is unhealthy and is getting you nowhere. You know you want to leave so be calm and keep your emotional distance and wait it out til you can go. Your inner voice is telling you what you should do. No one needs to live a life of infidelity and lies and misery. There should be no room in your life for it. Be strong and don't play his games. Best wishes to you


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## love_joy (Jan 10, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> So sorry for you.
> 
> Sounds like he hasn't matured yet. If it's always been rocky and
> he has always womanized, then I would strongly listen to your gut.
> ...


living w/my mom is not an option. not only does she live in a different city, shes been kicking me out since 14 and permanently at 17(i wasnt a bad kid, honor student and didnt party) and thats when i got together with my husband. about 2 wks after i gave birth to my daughter my mom kicked us out b/c me and her got into a awful argument b/c...i didnt want to stay at her place and watch the dog while everyone went to my sisters wedding(my mom wouldnt let me and my daughter go to the wedding b/c there was no room for us, even though there was)
i told her i would go home early since my husband was home from AT so he could spend more time w/our daughter b4 he left for more training in preparation of his deployment.she said i was selfish and kept talking down to me and over me until i went off...she was doing that the entire time i was there and i couldnt take it anymore.

we dont really have a relationship


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tell him you want a divorce. Get a job and prepare to move on with your life. File for divorce and child support and custody. Next time don't sleep with other men 'out of anger.' Respect yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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