# Please help me clarify what's going on



## seriousmom-wife (Nov 28, 2015)

I decided to come here because I don't really know what else to do. I have been married for 6 years and 8 together. I migrated to the US 9 years ago and he has been here for 20 years. We are both from the same country. He has never treat me well. Somehow, I have to recognize he was like this before we even got married, and I knew who he was. He comes from a very good family so this made me think that he was going to project the same thing. I do love him, I love how strong he is, he gives me security and he is an excellent father. We have two kids, two boys. They are very active kids, and sometimes drive us crazy. There is no moment of peace for us and I think that definitely doesn't help. Our first kid was born a year after we got marriage so we didn't really had enough time to enjoy. Can this be the cause? Can the kids be influencing the way we are dealing with our marriage? 
We both work full time and have very demanding jobs. We are doing very well financially. It hasn't been always like this and I was always there, by his side, encouraging him. He has his days, but he has never been romantic or close to me, like I wish he was. Sex is good, but I feel I always take the initiative. When I try to talk to him he says he doesn't want to, that this is not the best time. That I should focus on my kids. He is always telling me I am not a good mom and that everything I do at home basically suck. That he doesn't understand how bad I can be.
I know this is bad but I still do't want to leave him. Part of me tells me that there is something going on with him. I have asked him several times if he wants me to leave, if he wants me to move on and he says no but then he doesn't really want to go deeper to get to the root cause. 
I know this is where I want to be, I want to help him and I want my family to be together for my kids. I think we can fix this but I don't know what else to do to have his attention. Any advice will be greatly appreciated,


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## Jen65 (Nov 27, 2015)

This is mental abuse and to my mind just as bad as physical abuse if not worse. With mental abuse the damage done to you will have far reaching affect. Ant type of abuse is a no no in any relationship. It's clear it's a way on control and undermining your self confidence


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

You don't have to leave him for good. But pack a bag and take your kids somewhere. Go dark for a few days. Print out that original post and leave it for him. After he lights up your phone the entire time, reply back with "sorry,it's too late. I have fallen out of love with you and I will not be able to come back. I really wish you'd talked to me when we could still work it out. Now we can't. Sorry".

You see, I realize you have told him what the issues are until you are "blue in the face", but he doesn't think you mean it. He doesn't TRY to be an a-hole. It's a fault in his character. But he doesn't have to fix it. You stay with him. You put up with it. You understand that it's not really HIM, it's his temper/upbringing/insert relevant excuse. "She still loves me, she understands".

You need to make him REALLY think you're gone to leave him fix him. Make him see a TRUE consequence of not fixing himself for you. My plan will get the message through to him. I know. You described me, my wife, and my marriage all pre-demise. Now it's over. I'm changed, but our marriage is over. She could have fixed me years prior, but I didn't know the problem was as big as it is. Neither does your husband. I KNOW this. Make sure he get is before it's too late.


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