# losing a whole family..it sucks



## love is messy (Sep 21, 2010)

2 months and 1 week of being seperated. It's still so hard. Its hard b/c you know the saying "You dont just marry a person, you marry their whole family". Well I'm starting to really miss being around my in laws, I have 2 sisters in law and mother in law that I get along with very well. I miss my neice, I am going to see her today but it's going to be soooo hard being over there b/c thats the part of my family that I will lose if my husband I divorce. They have invited me over, but I just havent been able to go b/c I'm afraid that I wont be able to hold it together or will start crying or something...Also with Halloween coming up and our sons bay, thanksgiving and xmas and all the other holidays I'm going to have to go some of these without seeing my son. It's truly heartbreaking.


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## love is messy (Sep 21, 2010)

sorry i did another thread a couple weeks ago explaining my situation, but i'm not good at connecting them..


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I am in the same boat only no kids...its only been 3 days for me and im trying to come to terms and being on this site is kind of helping me out in terms of reasoning... how do you go 2 months??? I have a hard time with 3 days...I feel the more the days go by the more he has his heart set on divorce. The holidays are making me a mess too... I have no family here in CO...just friends, not too many of them as the hubby and I were each others best friends. ugh...any advice on going day by day?


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

i had for it for 3 years and 1 month and it gets better..hang on because if i made it, you both can do it too..

life gets better


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## Diamondsrbff (Jul 17, 2010)

I'm also in the same situation it has been 2 mos. 2 wks. I'm still hurting but it is getting better. My new counselor gave me the best advise this week so I'll share. 
He said I needed to stop looking at the separation as a bad or scary thing. The statistics show that the % of separations that end in divorce or get back together is quite even like 47% or something...so he said I need to look at this as a neutral thing...step back and give him his space. I can't force him to come home or make him go to counseling so letting him feel no pressure from me is the best thing I can do. 
I even sent him a card w/ a note that I've decided to respect his wishes and give him his space w/ no questions asked, no pressure when he comes to the house. 
I'm hoping by doing this he will not feel stress about everything and his true feelings can be investigated. Also he might feel more comfortable about coming to the house to visit the kids knowing that I'm not going to question him or invite him to do things.
I don't know if this is the right thing but I'm feeling better about things and not as scared. He should get the card tomorrow so we'll see how it goes.
Just thought I'd share...


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## AWife (Sep 25, 2010)

You need to go visit your in-laws. If you were close, and you miss them go see them. If you cry, that's ok. It's expected. Don't do things to put them in the middle. Don't expect them to take sides. They know you both and if they're inviting you, they obviously love you both. I have been divorced for 12 years and still have a good relationship with my technically ex-in-laws. I don't see them as often, but the love is still there. Just go. It's was strange for me at first, but I'm glad I did it. I would have lost such wonderful family members if I had continued to avoid them. And yes, I still consider them my family!


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## love is messy (Sep 21, 2010)

Thanks for the advice. So our seperations happened at pretty much the same time. I really like that stat about 47%. That’s good to know. I’m also trying to give my husband his space, but it’s hard. Today he finally said he would do individual counseling which is good. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but at least it will help him figure stuff out even if we don’t end up back together. BTW, I really like your username!


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## love is messy (Sep 21, 2010)

last one was for Diamonds are a bff


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