# Don't know what to do



## F250guy (Aug 8, 2015)

My wife of almost 11yrs left me almost 5 weeks ago. We've had our issues but communication or lack there of is the main one. 
I've realized that all the begging and pleading is not helping, it seems like the more I try, the worse off we are. 
She is still upset with me and is holding resentment against me. I want this to work more than anything but, until she's ready and everything I say or try doesn't just piss her off, I don't know what to do. I know I'll have to have some contact with her so I can see and talk to my girls.
She says she's not ready to see me everyday and work on us. Do I just stop trying to see her? Do I stop texting and calling?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

What was the basis to her leaving, has there been a history of the same type of discussions? what are you doing to work on you? and YES, YES, YES for god sake stop being a wimp and be a man and stop calling except to talk to the kids.....change your attitude completely....and of you can't....fake it.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Think about it this way, if you do not work on your own end and focus on you, your issues will arise again. She should be working on her own issues as well.

There are actions that destroy the loving bond that a couple has, and you need to work on those traits.

If the two of you got back together, odds are, your behavior and her's will land you in the same mess again.

By having the time to focus on you, you can really work on yourself. Relationships take time and energy of their own to maintain its health.

Use the opportunity that space provides. Whether you are together or not, you will be a better partner for a relationship.

You are feeling the pull to reconnect, but push it aside for now.

Btw, it would take months to see some improvement in your habits and behavior and she has to learn to trust those new ones. It does not mean you also let her off the hook if she does something detrimental to the relationship as well. It is about making positive changes and maintaining them at this point. Two unhealthy people reconnecting will just mean an unhealthy relationship.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

You need to figure out a visitation schedule and send her an email. Don't talk about reconciliation, it should all be about the kids. Do not beg or plead again, nor even talk reconciliation unless she asks you. In the meantime you need to work on you and your issues, this will help you regardless if she stays or goes. Additionally, spend quality time with your children, make the focus them. Your mind will naturally think about her, but think of how you could have made this relationship better. You can not make her stay or go but you can be the best father you can be and the best man you can be and that is enough for now.


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## afab (Jul 28, 2015)

you have told us very little what your problems are. Why is she upset with you.
Do you both work. We have to know a lot more before we can give you advice.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Do you know why she left? Why is she resentful towards you? Have you had any contact with her re your kids?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I, too would like to know a little more about any and all problem areas in your lives to largely bring about "the 180" that she has obviously instituted against you!

But until such time, you should fastly implement the very same tactic against her! And at the same time, investigate to find out why she did it!

As the old saying goes, "Where there's smoke, there's usually fire!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Keep reading posts here. I think you'll find it's always a bit more complicated than you might initially think.

If she wants space, give it to her. If she doesn't want to see you or talk to you, you're a big boy and can handle that and accept what she's doing. You don't have to like it, but don't argue about it. Done is the pleading and negotiating your relationship. The person who cares most is the weakest person in the relationship. Talk about nothing except for the wellbeing of the kids and parenting schedule. 

Do not let her control you or how much you see the kids either. You'll extend her the same courtesy. Calmly and professionally write or call her to establish a shared parenting time. Do this now. Get it in writing. 

You still have emotional needs. You need your male friends right now and a family network of support - YOUR family. Do not try and backroom deal her family. This is ALWAYS a losing situation. 

Take care of yourself first, then your kids as a very close second priority. Be strong and move though this - steel yourself. Be ready for anything.


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