# UPDATE!!!!! I sabotaged my reconciliation



## blueeyes71 (Nov 22, 2017)

*UPDATE!!!! At a loss & heartbroken*

Found out the soon to be EH is having an affair. So much for the sacrament of marriage. Additionally, he was reading all my text messages online, trolling who was texting and calling me, tracking my cellphone's GPS, and when you are in Messanger on Facebook through your cellphone, it can convert them to text messages. I had nothing to hide, but he breached my privacy. I have a AA sponsor and it is none of his business what we discuss. Especially, when he chooses not to support me during my recovery. I AM DONE!!!!! He wants that disfunctional life, he can have it. I am moving on and I am going to have the time of my life. Life is too short to be chasing after a man. I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE. Thank you everyone who has reached out and given my their perspective and advice. I will keep you posted, as I am waiting for him to file for divorce. It is not going to be pretty, but I am going to get what I deserve. I worked way too hard with that marriage and I am damned if I am going to walk away this time around like I did my last 2 marriages. Wish me luck. :wink2:


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Good luck with Marriage #3. Keep sober and have self control. Quit all had habits and get into amazing shape. That's the best thing you can do for yourself in the short run.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Naturally, the most important thing is getting and staying sober. You need a healthy you first and foremost in life. You can always change your passwords and be more security conscience going forward. I don't know if your marriage can be saved, but I know you can't do it by yourself, it takes two.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What does "EH" mean?

Take care of yourself. The only person you can change and save is yourself so that's where you should put our efforts.

I hope it goes well for you.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> What does "EH" mean?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I think she meant STBXH. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

blueeyes71 said:


> I am waiting for him to file for divorce. It is not going to be pretty, but I am going to get what I deserve. I worked way too hard with that marriage and I am damned if I am going to walk away this time around like I did my last 2 marriages. Wish me luck. :wink2:


I understand that you are a struggling alcoholic who has been married no less than 3 times and you are now about to divorce for yet a third time. 

Then you say "you are waiting for him to file for divorce" after listing all the crazy things you did and how you will get what you deserve, and you are not going to walk away like you did with your first 2 marriages?

Why wait for HIM to file for divorce? Is this your way of somehow rationalizing that since he is the one who filed, you can say you didn't give up and walk away "this time around"? 

You are about to divorce for a third time, regardless of whose fault it is. 

Stop with the blame game, stop with the marriages, and get your ѕhit together with the drinking, it appears you've made some progress lately with the AA but you've got a ton of work to do and there is no room in your life for yet another relationship.


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## blueeyes71 (Nov 22, 2017)

@Bonkers I filed originally back in August. We discussed reconciling and he asked me to withdraw the papers, so I did. I don't want the divorce . . . he does. He should file. Yes, I have alot of work to do with my recovery, but I continue to contribute 100%+ and I am working on the loss of the marriage, the loss of myself, healing, growing, and learning to love myself again. Not chase the love that has been lost for so long from my marriage, (his words). I married for the first time at a very young age. My second marriage was 14 years. No one expects to get divorced when they marry. Regardless of all the issues and problems, I still love him deeply. Yes, what he is doing is absolutely wrong and he admits no faults. It takes 2 in a marriage. It is not all one sided. I am just not going to sit here and have him control me when he feels like it. I am human and I have a new found life now being sober. He chooses not to be a part of that. I cannot make him. God has his reasons. One day at a time, that is all I can give now. Oh and BTW, I am not a struggling alcoholic. Not every alcoholic struggles with their recovery and there many different forms of alcoholism. Yes, it took me years to realize the damage I had created but I was not an everyday "drunk". I admit my false, shame, and humility to my drinking. I have no desire to drink. My life has been "reborn" from the clarity I have been getting and I will never go back to what I put not just myself, but anyone else through that again.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

blueeyes71 said:


> No one expects to get divorced when they marry.


Perhaps not, but those who insist on prenups do anticipate it. 



blueeyes71 said:


> God has his reasons.


That is one of my most disliked statements in the entire world. It's nothing more than a huge cop out that allows the person who says it to blindly accept their situation and make no effort to change or explain it. 

A close relative is "It's Gods Way" or "We can't understand but it's part of HIS plan". 

Last time I saw one of those was when some innocent little girl died of an aggressive cancer. I think another phrase was added along the lines of "He needed a little girl in Heaven".


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## blueeyes71 (Nov 22, 2017)

@GuyInColorado thank you and I am staying sober. Life is getting better everyday. I have no desire to jump into another relationship after this one. I will stay loyal and faithful until I have to sign papers. I have morals. It is unfortunate, but you cannot make someone do anything if they are not committed. He is not. I am realizing that through therapy and support I am receiving through AA. I need to be top priority now. I have tried. I need to worry about me now.


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## blueeyes71 (Nov 22, 2017)

@Bonkers it is not a cop out. I am accepting what is currently in front of me instead of dwelling and digging deeper into depression over the loss of my marriage. It is more of a positive outlook. If something happens that is not in my control, it is in God's hands and I am asking him to guide me in the right direction. Because he has purpose and reason. If you want to talk about a cop out, how about the statement, "It is what it is." Now, that is a cop out. That is an excuse not to see things for the better good.


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## blueeyes71 (Nov 22, 2017)

@Bonkers agree to disagree. I choose faith, will, and belief. That is my right.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

What a Great Original Post
You even got that Winkie emoji in for extra - well- emoji.

Your subsequent responses don't quite make sense with your proclamation that you

SABOTAGED MY RECONCILIATION


Good luck! 
Marriage number 4 found in "the rooms"


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

And yeah-
Guy in Colorado always prescribes having as much sex that you can have , with whoever you can whenever you can have it.

Different strokes.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

*Re: UPDATE!!!! At a loss & heartbroken*

The only good news is that now you know what he is.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

How did you sabotage R?


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## blueeyes71 (Nov 22, 2017)

@sandcastle there will never be a number 4 and he had me believe I sabotaged the reconciliation when in fact he did. Best of luck to you.


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## blueeyes71 (Nov 22, 2017)

@Openminded read my original post and it will explain it.


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