# OWH palsy-walsy with FWH...what gives?



## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

Just looking for opinions:

Recently FWH, I (the BS) and the OWH ran into each other at a public function. My FWH had sent OWH an apology letter about a year after DDay when he also sent OW a NC letter. He had also contacted him more recently to let him know that his OW was still trying to contact him and that he wanted her to stop. After trying to ignore her attempts to contact FWH for over a year, we both agreed it was time to let her H know what she was up to. OWH apologized for her behavior and excused it by saying she had "low self esteem"..blah, blah, blah. She has not attempted contact since then. 

So at this public function where the OW was not at, OWH and FWH carried on a conversation just like it was old times. They had been friends and even worked together occasionally on miscellaneous jobs. We had formerly been occasional social friends and still have many friends in common. I actually run into him more often than my husband but never with his wife the OW. 

I really don't know how to take this exchange but found it exceedingly strange that OWH could act as if nothing was amiss considering my FWH had banged his wife for 6 years! And my FWH acted as if this guy was simply one of his pals...no embarrassment whatsoever. You can imagine how I triggered when OWH even brought the OW up in the conversation as if we were still friends!

I talked to my H about my bad feelings/confusion and he could give no explanation for how this is possible. I did make it very clear I would not tolerate any normalizing of our relationships with them. What am I not understanding here? How could OWH act if nothing had ever happened? Am I being too sensitive? Should I even care if FWH and OWH renew their friendship? 

Would appreciate any opinion as to what might be going on in the male psyches of these two....and what my attitude should be...thanks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The two men are business men. They know how to act like civilized people at a public function.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Under normal circumstances the civilized approach, given the situation, would have been to avoid one another. I can't fathom what's going on. Camaraderie at having shared the same piece of a$$?


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

This is creepy. Does OWH have no self respect? Is your husband so charming he can make anyone like him? If I were you I would choose not to participate in the weirdo warm and fuzzies. Maybe the OWH is hoping your husband will finish the job and take his wife off his hands? Good luck.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> The two men are business men. They know how to act like civilized people at a public function.


No, sorry, it just don't sounds logic to me just as "allwillbewell" describe, I am with her here, my only explanation is that he is a total doormat with self steem issues, otherwise he would not want anything to do with the people involved in this double betrayal (and this uncludes his wife).

The fact that he keep justifying her contact with OM (allwillbewell's husband) and the fact that he can carry a civil conversation with his OM who make him a cuckold for so many years instead of avoiding him or confronting him tells me that in his mind his wife's affair was somehow his fault and he is letting out of blame his wife and his OM, really sad life for a man.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

allwillbewell said:


> OWH apologized for her behavior and excused it by saying she had "low self esteem"..blah, blah, blah.



sounds like OWH has the low self esteem if he's making apologies for her cheating ways 

maybe he was ok with his wife and your husband's relationship? maybe he has a cuckold arrangement, or they have an open marriage? if so, watch out, he could be helping cover them


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

If they were friends before, as you say, the OWH could just be trying to return things to status quo so that he doesn't really have to deal with the awful reality every single day. 

Or, he could be keeping his enemies closer than his friends, as the saying goes.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

manticore said:


> No, sorry, it just don't sounds logic to me just as "allwillbewell" describe, I am with her here, my only explanation is that he is a total doormat with self steem issues, otherwise he would not want anything to do with the people involved in this double betrayal (and this uncludes his wife).
> 
> The fact that he keep justifying her contact with OM (allwillbewell's husband) and the fact that he can carry a civil conversation with his OM who make him a cuckold for so many years instead of avoiding him or confronting him tells me that in his mind his wife's affair was somehow his fault and he is letting out of blame his wife and his OM, really sad life for a man.


:iagree:

And there's also the possibility that OWH has a cuckold fetish. Some men get sexually aroused knowing their wife is having sex with another man. There are apparently quite a few of those men out there. Some let their wives go out and have sex with men, then eagerly wait for their wives to come home and tell them all about it, sometimes they invite the other man over while the OWH stands and watches. Its a fetish.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

dignityhonorpride said:


> If they were friends before, as you say, the OWH could just be trying to return things to status quo so that he doesn't really have to deal with the awful reality every single day.


:iagree: Too painful to face up to, I would guess.


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## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

All of that, or more likely (Okham's razor) :

He doesn't have guts.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

It seems your husband wasn't her first that he found out about or knew about. Maybe deep down inside he wants to kick your husband's azz but since he got an apology letter from him and his wife may be the neighborhood toy, he may feel that she's not worth it. Who knows why he stays married to her. Wow! 6 years? I would have lost that fighting feeling too...What would be the point?


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Allwillbewell

I triggered just reading your post. Seven months from d-day and I still want to inflict harm on my WW's OM. I can't even fathom being able to be civil with him. OM invaded my family which I don't take well to. Of course my WW allowed his advances and is at fault I still wish I will run into him one day. Now that I typed this I can see just how well all this therapy is working for me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The two men are business men. They know how to act like civilized people at a public function.


I meet a couple of my ex-husband's OW and their spouses from time to time, both socially and in business settings. I'm always cordial and polite. The vast majority of people don't know there's any history there at all, because my/our behavior is civilized if not particularly warm. But we don't stand around chatting like we're friends. Because we are _not_ friends. 

I can't imagine interacting with the OW or their BH's/partners as the OP describes. There's a sort of manic rug-sweeping-ness to it that just sounds very odd.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

My guess is that both men are the non confrontational type and I will guess both found it awkward.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Has your husband shown other signs of passive aggression? That is, you have asked him to do / not do certain things and yet he does the opposite of what your two have discussed?


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Ooor, the OW was having an affair(s) at the same time as her Husband was also having affair(s).

They called a truce. Now they just act like nothing had ever happened. To each other and other people(ex APs and BSs included).

That works out fine, until he, or she, starts cheating again. I use to be friends with a couple like this. I stopped hanging around with them 15 years ago because the wife kept trying get me to sleep with her.

I think she was looking for an exit affair and figured that fvcking one of his friends would do the trick.

It takes all kinds.


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