# Living in Limbo is H*ll



## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

H & I have been separated over 2 months now. 
For the first few weeks, I was a mess. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, cried, begged, pleaded, all the things you are NOT supposed to do.

As time went on, I started to feel better. Continued with counseling on my own, finally got the right combination of anxiety/depression meds, and for the past few weeks I have felt happier than I have in a long time. Years even.

H is noticing my changes, he's made several comments now how he thought I would react to a situation a certain way and I have done the complete opposite.
I'm glad he is taking notice, even though I am finally starting to realize that while I started doing all of this for him, I am continuing to do this for me.

The hard part is dealing with the "in limbo" feeling. He says he doesn't want a divorce, but he can't say he wants to work on the marriage either. He wants to take things slowly, which I understand, but sometimes I feel like we're just prolonging the inevitable.

I've thought about quitting, telling him the window for reconciling is closed. Would I be doing it for the right reasonS though? Calling it quits because I can't take the waiting? That certainly doesn't sound like me fighting for my marriage.
If I do walk away, it's because I have found peace in knowing I will no longer be his wife, and not for self preservation.

But the in limbo feeling...yeah it really s*cks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

I was in the limbo for 5 months...it is horrible.at least i'm glad now that it is over and the truth is out. Awesome that you feel better...i pray for the day when I feel like that again.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Did your marriage work out?

I still have days where I am sad, but I'm not sad all the time. I used to feel sad with moments of happiness, and now I feel happiness with moments of sadness.
I'm by no means "fixed", but I also believe that we are all work in progress, and the day we leave this earth is the day we have finished.

My kids have noticed I'm not as angry, or crabby. I laugh more. I get out with my friends. Heck I went roller skating last weekend with some girl friends and had a blast!

I hope anyone who reads this thread who is going through the same thing, realizes that they shouldn't give up on themselves. Get out there. Do things YOU want to do to make yourself happy. You owe it to yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

not recognizable said:


> Do you mind saying what you are taking?



I have tried almost every anxiety/anti depressent out there. I am on Wellbutrin and Zoloft, and they are working well. 

When you took Prozac, did you take it on an empty stomach?

Limbo for 2 years does sound awful. I can guarantee you I won't wait around that long.
Not because I want anyone else, but because I don't want to stay married to someone who obviously doesn't want to be married to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

Limbo is like bungee jumping, although you know a rope is attached
and will stop your fall you are still afraid of heights, hence you wont jump.
What gets you jumping is the support, not the pressure. Any marriage is
worth the wait. Don't give up but also don't give in!! I am separated a little
over two months but have learn't that change is inevitable. Saying you are 
done is fine, but let it be your decision not his. When you accept this mind set
you will be able to move on no matter what the outcome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

I'm 2 months into it and it will be christmas before we can move back across the country and live seperatly. This limbo is the hardest thing I've ever done. 

One good thing is we've been forced to work through it faster than normal, we both know it's done but unfortunutly we have a long 8 months ahead of us


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Limbo sucks.. I refuse to live there anymore.. its me or the highway jack.. so hit it! 

I'm not going to make myself one of his options anymore! I need to be treated like a priority! 

Get out, live your life, to h*ll with them! Take care of you and live for you!


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Like many of you, I am in the limbo stage as well...Going on two-months now. I have heard from her family that she wants six months but fully plans on moving back home. The problem is that she is only communicating with me via email. I have started IC and she claims to be doing the same but I can't be sure. Her not agreeing to couples counseling and only communicating via email every few weeks makes it seem as though the marriage isn't her top priority. At the same time, her emails have a tone of what she would like me to work on for our future together and she asks me what I would like for her to work on. Sorry to hijack this thread with my own issues but any insight from a woman would be greatly appreciated.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DelinquentGurl said:


> He says he doesn't want a divorce, but he can't say he wants to work on the marriage either.


The longer this goes on, the worse for your situation (anyone's situation, realy).

You need to say what YOU want, too. And then decide if you are both on the same page.

I know Limbo Land very well. I lived there for a long time. And I am CONVINCED: there is NO greater hell than Limbo.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I want to work on our marriage, but I know I caused him a lot of pain and he is scared that the changes I've been making aren't legit. Like I'm doing it just to get him back.

Limbo does suck, but it is better than divorce.

Nuk, if she is asking you what you would like her to work on, be honest. I know it's hard to only communicate via email but maybe that is all that she can give right now. It's hard to do, I know because I struggle with it as well, but you just need to keep in mind that she is doing what she needs to do for her, so you need to do what you need to do for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Delinquent...Thank you for your advice. I did tell her and I also laid out what I am working on and letting her know where I feel I was wrong and what I am doing to fix it. I just hope that she is seeing it and not getting used to being away.

I don't know what you did to hurt him but I think that if you are adamant in letting him know that you are making the changes not to get him back but to have a better future, he will come around.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

The thing is, you can't just talk the talk. You need to walk the talk. We could tell our spouses until we're blue in the face that we are working on ourselves, but the only thing that will really convince them is time. Time to realize that the changes are in fact, sincere.

However, you should know that regardless of the outcome of your marriage you should still be working on the things that need to change. Ultimately, these changes are for you.
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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Delinquent, you are absolutely right. That is why I have planned to stop telling her that I will change what I did wrong. In reality, she also has to show me that she is changing. My problem is that she won't communicate with me aside from just email...I don't know how I will show her my changes. She tells me that she misses me and wants me to work on things "for the sake of our marriage" but acts like this. Am I wrong in thinking this is just weird?


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Well I agree that it is harder for her to see your changes via email, but it is what it is.

Have you read Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner-Davis? It is a very helpful book. Normally self help books bore me to tears but she is a very solution oriented therapist. You should check it out.

I think what you need to do is to stop responding to her emails. Peak her interest a little bit. If she knows that your sitting around waiting for her emails, it gives her all of the power. Take some of the power back. If anything, for your sanity.

I don't know how long you and your W have been apart but for me it's been 2.5 months and the first 6 weeks was h*ll. However I realized the more I sat around moping, the less time I was spending worrying about me. 

Don't beat yourself up over the mistakes you have made in your marriage, beating yourself up over the past won't do anything but make you feel worse. Just make the decision to be better in the future. We can't change the past but we can work on the present.
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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

I have not read that book, thank you for the recommendation; I will be sure to check it out. Her last email, I didn't respond to for 3 weeks. I wasn't playing games, I was just busy. The thing that is killing me is the fact that I really don't know what is going on in her mind. Either way, it is making me drift away because it is tough for me to want to be with someone who won't make our marriage a priority. I have been wondering if such a long period without proper communication is normal but I cannot find anyone who can say that sometimes people need this much time without any real communication.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

How long have you been separated? Have you had no physical contact at all? Have you tried calling her?

It is very, very hard to deal with not knowing what is going on in their minds, but we need to keep in mind that we can't control their thoughts anyway.
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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

We have been separated for two months now. No physical or phone contact. I have tried calling her but she won't answer/respond. These actions really concern me but also are bringing me to the realization that she doesn't want this anymore. However, when she emails, it is a long email discussing what I should work on and that she is also attending IC to work on things. Just too many mixed signals from her.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Well, if you do read the book I suggested, there are some techniques in there that might be helpful for you to try. One of them is called the last resort technique, and it's hard and it goes against everything you want to do, but it works.

I would suggest you stop calling her. If she wants to talk to you, she can call you. 
And as far as her emailS telling you what she thinks you should work on, don't read them. You should be in C for you, not for her. Yes I understand that you want to save your marriage, I want to save mine too, but the changes you make should be for YOU and what YOU want to work on, not her. To me it sounds like a list of demands.
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## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

I have been in living in limbo for the past 2 months now. In a nutshell, I left on a business trip for a week, when I came back. She dropped the bomb on me. We were seeing a counselor for about 2 months prior to that, and things were getting better (at least in my eyes and the counselors).

As of this weekend, she is coming by to get the rest of her stuff, I do not even recognize who this woman is anymore, and I am in complete denial that this woman who is doing this is/was my wife. 

I did the mistake and got really drunk over the weekend and that proved to be a very bad idea.

I am sad to hear that there are so many people who are going through the same pain that I am going through, but at the same time relieve that I found a place where I can voice myself with others who are in the same situation as I am. 

For me the following combination has been helping me keep my sanity. Gym, Yoga, Friends & Family, and work...


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## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

I fear she already feels that she's divorced in her head....


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I am back in limbo land....asked him via text are we done? he said I guess, but this is also the day I found out, (today about 12pm), that he was continuing to text with his last EA. He had been home for about 2 and a half months. I don't know what else to do but wait right now, can't afford to go. Lots of things need to get put in order. I am hoping that somewhere down the road something dings. I don't want to have to "share my children" with my husband, i want to raise them together. I have only spent like two nights away from my son ever, and they were excruciating. He is my baby boy, and I shouldn't have to have him taken away from me, as he shouldn't be from his dad.


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Delinquent, I will definitely pick that book up. I actually haven't called her since a week after she left. I don't even want to try. It is like you said, if she wants to call me she can but I am not going to chase her anymore. I tried chasing her via emails and contact through family but I am done, and have been for a month. I want to save my marriage but only if it is a priority for her as well. There is no reason to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

Anthony, it is sad that so many people are going through this but all I can say is, hang in there. When my wife left she didn't take much, I have now heard that she would like to come by and "grab a few things". I don't know if this means that she is out for good or, if she really needs some things as she only took a suitcase and has asked for 6 months apart. Either way, I know that I will have to live with the results, as much as I would hate to. As DG has said to me in the past, just work on yourself because that is all you can really control.


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## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

Nuk, thanks for the support. She is actually coming to get her furniture. You are right all I can do is work on myself, but man is it ever hard... As much as you try to forget things, or move on. Everything I do somehow reminds me of the life I once had, I thought it was a happy life... but maybe I was wrong. One thing I am thankful for, is that we do not have any children. We have been together for 7 years in total. 5 years of dating, and 2 years of marriage. I don't know what she was expecting to happen when we got married... and cannot begin to comprehend to why she is acting like this. Communication b/w is pretty much minimal, when she does contact me, it is either a text message or an email, and the are very blunt, and are only related to the logistics of how we are splitting are assets, or to when is will be coming to pick them up. None of it makes any sense. None of it makes any sense....


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

It is hard, it's probably one of the hardest things all of us have had to go through, but if you work on you for you, and I mean truly work on you, then in the end you will come out of this a better person.

I know, it sounds so easy. Black & white, right? We all know it isn't that simple. It's excruciating.
When I get down thinking about my situation, I think about how I felt when he first left. I couldn't eat, or sleep, nothing. And now look at me. Sure I have my moments like anyone else, but I am in a much better place now. I laugh, I spend time with my kids, I spend time with my friends. I'm changing my life in ways I never thought I would be able to, and I thank God for that.

You guys WILL get through this. I know you will. It just takes time. Time is our friend in this. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

@ Sadand...I swear we married the same man ;o) Our stories are very similar. Well, except mine totally moved out, and there are no children so to speak (not of mine that is) but the men are very much alike and that position makes for very hard true communications. God bless us all!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

IMO, the longer Limbo goes on, the worse chances are for reconciliation. It's sort of prolonging the inevitable. In most cases, one person wants the relationship and the other one is string the other along.

Nuk, talk to your wife. Tell her you got her emails and want to discuss what she wrote, that you're willing to do MC and IC as well. Her stonewalling you is not the answer.



DelinquentGurl said:


> Limbo does suck, but it is better than divorce.


Is it? I think it's worse trying to wait for someone or trying to convince someone to be with you. Waiting and waiting and waiting just keeps you stuck in time and the only person holding the strings is the person on the oppsite side. Taking control back--in the sense you state what YOU want finally and they can't acept that--then you make a move. At least you have a plan. When you're in Limbo, you don't know if you are coming or going. It's awful.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Divorce would be better than limbo... at least the divorce has an end to it.. you could live in limbo forever, and who wants to do that? 

My H and I are seperated, not legally... living in the same house until his vehicle is running. (hopefully tomorrow it will be) and then he is gone. The thing thats the hardest right now is putting on a happy face for the kids, they know somethings wrong, but are not sure what, we haven't told them of daddy's plans to move out. But we have to.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

For me, limbo is better than divorce.
I don't consider myself waiting for him, I am moving ahead with my life with or without him. I don't have any interest in dating or anything so why rush a divorce?

Every situation is different and I get that, but for me, I don't want to file for divorce just because I am "waiting".
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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Well, my wife came by today, when I wasn't home and picked up some things. Her parents had told me that she would be coming in a few days to pick up some personal things (clothes, makeup, etc...). When I got home and looked in the closet, I found that she didn't take everything, just about half of her clothes and some shoes. When she initially left, she had just taken one suitcase. 

Jelly, I have told her that we need to talk, but she is completely in her own world. Her actions show that she really doesn't care but she isn't filing for divorce. She won't talk to me but she will email and state that she wants this to work. She hides herself completely but when she comes to pick her things up, she only takes some things and leaves a lot of stuff behind. 

I am working on myself but these irrational actions are really taking me for a ride. Are her actions confusing or am I just trying to find a reason to believe that she isn't done with me? I care for her and want to give our marriage a chance but as I have said before, I am starting to drift away. I just don't get her actions.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Nuk,

Your wife is obviously in a fog, and as much as it hurts you, there is little you can do about it.

I do agree that actions speak louder than words. I wish I had some great, concrete advice that would make you feel better, but I don't.
Just know that there are others here who care about your well being who will support you and listen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

Nuk, I am in a similar situation. The only difference is she doesnt want this to work.

The week before my business trip, she was loving and happy to see me, the week after, she tells me that she wants a seperation. 

Now, she treats me like I have the plague, and seems quite content in spitting in my face in the process. 

I am completely at a loss of words, and so is her family, friends and even her parents. Nobody knows what the hell is going on. 

She has this shell that nobody can penetrate, and as of right now she is about the only person in this world that thinks that things are rational. 

As i mentioned before, we were seeing a counselor for for 2 months before this incident, and things were getting better. But obviously she was only fooling me and the counselor....

As I once said before, I feel that I have been slammed with a Tsunami of emotions.

Nothing makes sense.... and there is nothing I can do.


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Delinquent, that is what I am hearing from others I have talked to about my situation. They tell me that she is extremely confused and doesn't know how to handle this situation. The fear is that she may go in a completely different direction because of a lack of guidance. I know that I can't control what she is doing I just wish that she wouldn't keep me guessing as to her intentions. Thank you for your kind words, they really do help.

Anthony, we are in the same boat. Unfortunately, many others may be in the boat with us. A spouse that is not themselves anymore and is acting irrationally. As upset and sad as I am, I try to remember that if our spouse is really acting this crazy, maybe it is better that they aren't in our lives at this point. Hopefully we get through this soon. Delinquent, thank you again for what you wrote, it helps more than you can ever know.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Your welcome Nuk.
As hard as this is, I take comfort in knowing I am not alone in what I'm going through and others can relate to how I am feeling.

As hard as it may be, try not to guess what she is thinking, what her intentions are, and what the future will hold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Nuk, your wife is being very immature. 

She cannot tell you seh wants to work things out and then stonewall you. Take her action of coming to get things and leaving quickly as she is done. 

I would call her and tell her that you get she's told you she wants to work things out and is receptive to it yet her stonewalling you isn't thew ay to help things and list what it takes to make it work (MC, communication, etc).


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Delinquent, I know that I shouldn't over analyze her actions and try to get into her head. My problem is that I can't help but analyze, it is a blessing and a curse. You are definitely not alone and in one way or another, we will all get through this.

Jelly, I completely agree...She is being extremely immature. I have already started preparing for life without her. Although she will leave some signs that she isn't completely done, the longer we are without communication, the harder it will be to reconcile. It has been two months...I am going to take some time now to really reflect and am seriously considering, filing for divorce so she knows that enough is enough. I would hate to go through a divorce but there is a line that, once crossed, is hard to come back from. I feel that she has crossed that line by not showing that she is completely committed to our marriage and unfortunately, it could mean the end of our marriage. 

I hate irrational thought and she is definitely epitomizing "irrational thought".


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Nuk,

Do you want to file for divorce because you no longer desire to stay married, or are you filing because you are sick of the way things are? I want you to really think about this, because filing or threatening to file hoping it will be a wake up call to her, it might backfire. 

Sad,

You do have a say in how things will go, you are responsible for you and your decisions and actions. 
I know I'm having a hard time with realizing that I have choices in this also. My H doesn't have all the power unless I choose to give it to him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I'm sorry sad, that you are going through this. I wish you peace and happiness in your future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

I'm so very sad for you, Sadand. I wish with all my heart that there was some way to fix everyone's lives. I never ever will understand how someone can love you one minute and not give a care about you the next. I weep inside for all of us. :-(


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## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

Sadand,

I am sorry to hear. I will be the cliche quoter and say that everything happens for a reason, and in the end somehow, everything always seems to work out one way or another. 

I feel your pain... because I myself am in limbo for another 10months until we can file for a D, and I absolutely dread that day...

Stay strong, and although we are all strangers here, we are all pulled together by the same pain, and we are all here for one another. Stay strong...


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Sadand, I am really sorry. I know it can't be easy and I commend you for being strong and moving forward.

Delinquent, I have to be honest, I am partially ready to file because I am just sick of the way I am being treated and because of the way things are. However, I understand that once I file, it is over. I have made a decision that when/if I file then I won't look back, even if she wants to come back. I feel so disrespected and can't stand it. Her actions don't make any sense and it is getting to me.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Sad,

I am so sorry you are hurting. I'm hurting also. I have also made the decision to not wait around to reconcile with my H and it's the hardest decision I've ever made. I was willing to take things sloW and not rush but he has not shown me one bit that he has the desire to try and work through this.
When I told him this he seemed shocked, like he couldn't believe I said such a thing.

I love myself enough to know that I don't want to be with a man who doesn't know if he wants to be with me. I deserve better and I know that now.

This is going to be tough, but not as tough as it would be if we were still living under the same roof.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I know how your feeling right now and your not alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

It is never just one person's fault in a relationship, you both contributed to it. I don't think it is necessarily a 50/50 fault, but there is no way you did everything wrong in the marriage.

I've made a lot of mistakes and I owned up to them and I have forgiven myself for them so that I can work on becoming a better person. So I hope you don't beat yourself up for your role in the break up, learn from your mistakes. We all make them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I live for the saying "If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it" and I believe that fully.
29 years of marriage is a long time, and I truly believe your H is in for a wake up call once his fog lifts.

Just look forward, and don't look back. Chin up. You WILL get through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Sadand, I share so many of the sentiments expressed by you. Time will tell for each of us ;o)


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## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

This is a great thread for me. Thanks for the support. I am in the limbo of a 14-yr marriage and my wife has no immediate intentions of reconciliation. At my request, my cheating wife moved out 2 days ago into an apartment. I can say, the limbo is easier to handle with her OUT of the house. For the last 2 mornings, I have woke up in my bed and I'm not hiding to avoid seeing or talking to her. The move-out was the right decision for all of us - including our children (given the situation.) I know it's going to get easier every day. Y'all keep posting because I'm reading everything and it's all helping me. 
JC


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I agree that the limbo is easier if the spouse is out of the house.

Sad, counseling has done wonders for me and my self esteem. I've been doing it for 4 months now and I've come a long way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

Honestly, 4 things have been helping me out the most:

1) Gym - A great distraction. Also, nothing like pumping iron to release the aggression and negative energy.
2) Minister - The minister of the church that married me, has been the best support I have had so far. Although he never really says anything, somehow, things just make sense or feel better after talking to him.
3) Cannot forget my family, my family has been nothing but the best family I could ever wish for...
4) Start weeding out the unnecessary fat in your life (meaning friends)... ultimately, you know which friends have your best interests at heart... for the ones that do not, weed them now... maybe not permanently, but for sure during this difficult time. You need to take care of yourself, and be around people whose goals are nothing but to make sure you are back on your feet. Anybody else, is excess fat.

Reason why I am sharing this is because my wife asked for a separation about 2.5 months ago, and today I am feeling better. I think this is the formula that will evidently lead to my recovery. 

I tried the counseling, but in the end, all they are looking for is a paycheck. That is why I stopped my counseling, I never felt that the MC genuinely gave a darn about me....


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## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

forgot #5. This forum. You guys have been my "support group"... The main issue i have been experiencing is that nobody knows what I am going through... and here I am surrounded by people in this forum, who are in EXACTLY the situation I am in. Here I can clearly express my thoughts without fear of humility or criticism.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

I have been following this thread for a while and it has helped me stay patient. I have now found myself in a different type of limbo which I kind of created myself.

I don't want to hi jack this thread with my own story. I have talked to some of you on other threads and would really value some advice on a new thread I started in the 'going through divorce and separation forum'. It is:-

*Kicked husband out-now what-advice please *

I feel very isolated and might do something I regret to make things worse.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Its time to tell your kids with or without him. Your youngest is most likley "unsettled" at school because he has more of an idea of whats going on then anyone is giving him credit for and no one has talked to him about it yet. I was supportive of both of you telling him but its been so long now if one doesn't want to tell the other has to tell by themselfs.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sad, we were married for 36 yrs. When we broke it to the kids they were hurt but mostly they were p**ssed at her for ending the marriage. At least she had the b**lls to tell them it was her that wanted the D. They are gettinh along better with her now but it is not the same closeness that we all shared. So weird after so long. We had it all too and she tossed it out the window to seek something better. Be prepared for the fallout from the kids. One other thing, they were very angry that she told her family first about the divorce before she spoke to me or them about it. That felt like betrayel. BTW, this was only a month ago so I am just beginning this miserable journey. I will get thru it though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Sadand I agree that you should tell your children. My daughter is 16 and I did not want to tell her some of the things that have happened between h and myself. However, I talked this over with a friend who's mother suffers with bi-polar, and had multiple affairs throughout my friend's child hood. She told me she guessed about these even before her dad knew, and advised me to talk to my daughter. It was ok. Your son may well be unsetled at scholl, because home feels unsettled.

Your children may be younger. Remember though you are also able to show them some conflict resolution. It may not be getting back together, but can be trying to sort things and realising you are unhappy and need to move on. Does not need to be a lengthly explanation, but just be available for questions.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Talk to them, they are already adults and they will understand. And, yes, I would let them know who wanted out; they will be wondering their whole lives about what happened. Don't get caught up in the details. We told ours that their mother was just unhappy in our relationship and that we both were to blame. Just easier if they don't have to choose between you two, which would be sad.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I hope the best for you. I am sure they love you both. I am battling more with my parents than the kids. My parents are acting like children. My stbxw just told me its gonna get ugly if my parents disrespect her again. Thry were rude to her the other day at my soninlaws college graduation. I am stuck in the middle. My relationshil with my inlaws is good. I cant believe i am working through a divorce and i am having to spend more time dealing with my parents and my sister childishness. They can de- polarize this family and my 3 kids will be tge ones suffering. My youngest son is getting married in November how terrible did he feel when we told him about the divorce! I can hardly wait until the rehearsal dinner when they are all in one room together. I am sure mu son will just love his wedding. They all need to resolve these issues before November. Somebody shoot me know!
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