# I can't take the CRAZY conversation



## snowday (Jun 24, 2011)

A vent I suppose....advice welcome as I truly have no idea how I can deal with this (by that I mean working on my side of it.)

Had a conversation w/husband regarding something that bothered me (stupidly brought up because he was badgering me about something and trying to prove I was a jerk about something i'm sure!)

Anyhow I mentioned something that was bothering me (an activity he does.) I said I just wished he considered my feelings. He immediately told me I was controlling. 

So it's been a couple days since the conversation. I told him today, that i'd just like him to think about why he thinks i'm controlling this situation.... I asked him to do this because it's been going on for months and i've just been going shopping or finding something to do during times that he does this activity. I've never said a word about it, just gone about my business elsewhere.

He immediately says i'm being controlling because my mood is bad before, during and after. So I called him out on it and he admitted that he had no idea there was a problem.

This is a FREQUENT thing with him. If you mention anything that could be construed as a criticism he starts in about anything I have done that I could possibly make it be my fault!

He goes to counseling and claims he knows he does these things and is working on them, but I don't see any change. I get that he probably doesn't even have the capability to have empathy or see that other people have feelings (pretty sure I wouldn't be out of line thinking he's narcissitic!) 

It's just annoying, somehow I think ok this is simple he has to see that he's throwing out words that don't apply....yet he just runs in another circle and adds a new element (first I was controlling, then without missing a beat when I made my point about him not knowing he went with my supposed moods.) I feel like i'm insane at the end of a conversation and nothing every gets accomplished


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

snowday said:


> I told him today, that i'd just like him to think about why he thinks i'm controlling this situation.... I asked him to do this because it's been going on for months and i've just been going shopping or finding something to do during times that he does this activity. I've never said a word about it, just gone about my business elsewhere.


What exactly is this "situation" that has been going on for months, and can you explain his "activity" that you are choosing to ignore?


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Prodigal said:


> What exactly is this "situation" that has been going on for months, and can you explain his "activity" that you are choosing to ignore?


My question as well. The kind of opinion or advice given would be different between let say …… a spouse wanting to play his drum set or ….. ahhh …… a spouse cooking up crystal meth (An extreme example, I know.)


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

*This is a FREQUENT thing with him. If you mention anything that could be construed as a criticism he starts in about anything I have done that I could possibly make it be my fault!*
I can understand this. Why do wives always have to criticize what they dont like their men doing. Unless it affects them they shouldnt.
I wonder how long you go on about it, and this by throwing things back at you is the only way to stop it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

accept said:


> I wonder how long you go on about it, and this by throwing things back at you is the only way to stop it.


Yeah, and it's really working, ain't it? Great advice - blame-shift to shut up your spouse, or as you put it "throwing things back." Meh!


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## snowday (Jun 24, 2011)

It's honestly nothing big....which is why I just went about my business and didn't bring it up with him.

It's a particular tv program. The only reason it's an issue is he's a self-proclaimed "porn addict". This program has something to do with the hurt i've felt because of his porn issue. It is 1 program and 1 program only.

And like I said, I know it's my problem, but considering that he's brought this problem into our home I think he could at least not be a jack*ss and demand that i'm trying to control him when I didn't mention it.

I'm sure most will think the idea that the program bothers me is ridiculous but whatever. I find it ridiculous that someone who would supposedly want to save their marriage would dig his heels in and blameshift at every turn!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Pointedly ignoring "his program" IS kind of mentioning it. For some people. 

Now I'm wanting to guess what show.... "Sex in the City"?


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## snowday (Jun 24, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Pointedly ignoring "his program" IS kind of mentioning it. For some people.
> 
> Now I'm wanting to guess what show.... "Sex in the City"?


Considering until I actually spoke the words, he had no idea that I was purposing leaving to avoid it! 

I'm trying to look at it as his loss....I spent an awesome day with one of my kids, he spent the day with his tv!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

snowday said:


> Considering until I actually spoke the words, he had no idea that I was purposing leaving to avoid it!
> 
> I'm trying to look at it as his loss....I spent an awesome day with one of my kids, he spent the day with his tv!


Is this show some kind of porn?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Red Shoe Diaries? (My hubby liked that one...)


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