# Opinions: Man at Midlife Wants to Fly Freak Flag a Little



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I'm a 49 year old male marketing executive who is a principal in a medium sized company. I'm married to my HSS, and have a teenage child. Like most of us, my marriage has had its ups and down, but we are in the midst of a Renaissance in our relationship, and it's great right now. Most folks would see me as a successful, responsible, buttoned-up sort of guy. That is who I have become at this point in my life.

My problem is that for most of my young life, I was very rebellious. I have fought back against my rebellious tendencies as an adult, because I saw my rebelliousness as an impediment to my success. I recently took a personality test at work, and my chief trait was that I was a rebel. My co-workers were shocked, since this is not how I project myself publicly.

So now I have this overwhelming urge to let my inner rebel come out in some facet of my life. I'm not interested in changing my outward appearance or behavior, as I do have people who depend on me at work and at home. But I'm wondering if there is something I can begin doing that would serve as a means to "let my freak flag fly" a little bit.

I'm not into cars and motorcycles, but I wouldn't be against something like tattoos or piercings that wouldn't be visible to the people I work with. I've just been buttoned-up for so long, I'm not sure where to start, but I do need to start somewhere, and stop denying this part of my personality.

My wife thinks this is my way of having a mid-life crisis, but she seems supportive of my doing something about this. We are not into swinging, but sexually we are open-minded, and not the least bit prudish.

So what do the ladies think I could do to help me climb out of my Clark Kent costume?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Only you can answer that!! For me I'm 10yrs+ your junior, but I was always into the crazy chicks...while I was much the preppy jock type.

Marriage, kids, college, careers both of us, etc and no I'm more like Dudley Do Right to most people that know me. 

For me I have hobbies and passions I just always put them on the back burner for the wife and kids. Over the last 18 months as I'm mid/late 30's I've started to do more "ME" things. Like car races, travelling ALONE in my 600hp modified Viper, going to huge car meets, 1 mile top speed runs etc.

This was omething I never did do in the past............you have to find what works for you and what inner "????" you are trying to set free.

Best of luck!!


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## Carol/BC (Mar 23, 2012)

Keeper, may I send you a private message?


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

^^Caroll/BC - Sure, send me a message.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Carol/BC - Apparently, I had private messages turned off, I turned it back on, but it hasn't updated yet. Please email me at [email protected].


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Tattoo!!! I got my first when I turned 40 and I love it! 
How about you guys go to a strip club, an adult store, have sex outside, see of there are fetish events in your area and go to one. Go to a drag show, a burlesque show, get a cartilage piercing. There's only one of those things I haven't done in the past two years. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Great suggestions, thanks! This is the sort of input I was looking for.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Heehee...one midlife crisis to another. 
Shave your pubes if you don't already. You will never go back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I shave pretty much everything from the base of my unit on down, and keep everything above short and neat. I don't really care for the totally clean look, neither does wifey.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

If you both shave it feels amazing. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Go to a concert dressed like this and hang out around the mosh pit...you'll have the time of your life and some good stories for later.


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## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

Jump out of a plane, you will never see the world the same again!


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## DanglingDaisy (Mar 26, 2012)

How about travelling to exotic places...doing things like scuba diving,bungee jumping..boxing,kickboxing?


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

We do a fair amount of traveling already, but having a teenaged son in schools limits that somewhat.

My wife and I are both in great shape and athletic (both NCAA athletes in college), but I'm a bit of chicken when it comes to extreme sports like skydiving and bungee jumping. I think I'm more interested in lifestyle changes, such as the one's that have been suggested in offline conversations this thread has precipitated.

But please keep the suggestions coming, the more the better!!!:smthumbup:


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Whatever you do, do something to let it out. I made the mistake of trying to ignore it (we're the same age) a few years ago and it all exploded in my face.

Good luck.

P.S. I did get a tat and still love it. Planning on a second one.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

How about just entering an extreme obstacle race i.e spartan sprint
It will give you a goal to aim at and a lot of the contestants dress up or shave mohakws into there heads for the event


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## Marielle (Mar 28, 2012)

keeper63 said:


> ...So what do the ladies think I could do to help me climb out of my Clark Kent costume?


There's something extremely exciting about a man who's on the edge of a "transformation." I find buttoned-up Clark Kent - sexy; A rebellious Clark Kent on the edge of being a "bad boy" -- _irresistibly sexy_!

Why change a successful model? I think we should keep you exactly the way you are, and "_franchise_" you. LOL. And I would personally invest in two...you know, extra, for a back-up. 

Anyway, I haven't done this myself, but a friend of mine and her husband regularly attend "high-end" non-swapping-group-sex-parties. She raves about how fun and sexy it is to be in the midst of intertwined bodies in all sorts of positions...it really turns her on. 

You think Clark63 might be up for something like this?


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Marielle, at this point, I would have to say that just about everything is potentially "on the table" regarding ways to let my freak flag fly. 

I will definitely take your suggestion(s) under advisement, although despite my wife and I having very few sexual boundaries or limits these days, having sex with other people is one of them, and we'd really have to think that one through as a couple.

In fact, several of the suggestions I have received involve activities/lifestyle changes that we would do as a couple, and that's cool, but I think I'd be more interested in transformation/change that is focused on me, and doesn't necessarily directly involve my wife.

I'm looking for something that would be totally at variance with my public persona, and as I mentioned, have received a lot of great ideas, on this thread, and in emails/private messages.

I appreciate your comment about having two of me, but when I came along, the original mold was definitely sent to the wrecking yard...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

A huge loop earring in your left ear, shave head & get buff---- Like the MR Clean guy.

Oh, the Earring is the most important part if you can't/ won't do all three.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

Well, I had done the whole "get married, raise children, be responsible, corporate cubicle thing" way too much. I'm not sure "midlife crisis" is exactly fair since there was no sense of urgency about it. But I definitely felt like things could be better. We'd go down to kink affairs in San Francisco... but it was more like "importing a dose of weirdness into my marriage" than "getting my own kink flag flying". My solution to it all was just to decide that life was an adventure so it was time to be adventurous. So here's what I did.


Pulled up stakes and moved to a foreign country sans concret plan.
Started learning a LOT more about the real breadth of human relationships.
Applied some of that learning to my marriage... effectively entirely transforming both the sexual relationship and the structure of the marriage as a whole.

From there, it just kind of snowballed. For us, at least, once we were on an "adventure" route and no longer looking for safety and security then everything just became "one more challenge... improvise, adapt, overcome... no biggie".

For us, it isn't so much what we did... it's that we decided to DO SOMETHING(tm). I decided to start applying the same diligence I did to work to my marriage. I studied things. I learned of whole new spectrums of ways things might work. The ones that seemed applicable to us got tried on for size. The ones that worked got kept. That's been going on for 4 or 5 years now and actually focusing on my marriage has just become habit. 

Possibly the largest change is the most subtle. Carol and I were always very into each other, very giving, very caring, and very nurturing (yes yes, inevitable rough patches but that's the big picture). But now, the mantra "bring our A game to the marriage consciously each and every day" is pretty much just par for the course. It's an interesting thing to bring that level of mindfulness to your marriage. To say, each and every day, "I just know I can do better than yesterday if I spend some time thinking about it."

I have been utterly amazed at the "returns on my investment". If I were to look at it purely on business terms and evaluate it in terms of return on time investment then hands down it has been the best investment of my life... by far... light years... entire galactic quadrants.

Specifically, how did all of this turn into "freak flag"? Given that we sometimes freak out the kinksters with this I think I'll abstain from public details here. Suffice it to say that we've gotten freaky enough to shake up the alternative folks. I find it both hilarious and gratifying that me... ME... _the corporate cog_... has somehow gotten alternative enough to be on the fringe of the fringe *laughs*.

In the more general sense, what I'd say is that if any couple can get manage to invest this kind of effort in their marriage and get this close to each other than "getting freaky" is kind of like falling off a log. It's amazing what structures you can build when the foundation of trust, respect, and happiness runs miles deep.

Carol has already given you a high level email. If you care for more information just let us know.

~Jeff


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Thanks, Jeff, great info and insight. I might drop you a note for more detail/clarification if you don't mind.


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## Sorrowsx (Apr 2, 2012)

I think it is a great idea to do something, although that is up to you. But, my only advice is don't leave your wife out of it. Let her know how you're feeling and let her choose to be part of it or not.


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## Marielle (Mar 28, 2012)

keeper63 said:


> ...I appreciate your comment about having two of me, but when I came along, the original mold was definitely sent to the wrecking yard...


LOL...

And I appreciate you putting up with my _wicked_ sense of humor. 

Okay, now I better understand what you mean by "let my freak flag fly." I've actually gone through a few transformations/changes myself over the years - where I let a bit of "sultry rebel" in me breathe again. Yes.... Anyway, I have to head out for one of my grueling workouts (14 mile run and a long bike ride), but I'll get back to you later with some ideas.

'Til then, cheers to you, Clark!


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Looking forward to it...


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

A guy here, but I'll have to admit that some of my changes in midlife caught my wife a little off guard, at first. We had some marital issues later that were resolved, but these had nothing to do with the midlife crisis, it was more about not accepting some long term problems.

I've always been a bit of an adrenaline junkie, so the first thing was bungee jumping from a large bridge at 40, but it was just a birthday present from my brother. 

But in marrying, and climbing the corporate ladder, I had turned my back on who I was as a younger man. I took up boxing again, and mixed martial arts. For me, it is the perfect expression of what was changing in my mind, and one area where I felt in real control. Fought frequently in little unofficial clubs under my dad when I was younger, but when I got back into it, I mostly do light bouts with peers at a small gym that is being converted into a youth center. I have lifted weights for over 30 years, but for a corporate guy who grew up in a high crime part of the country, I felt like my life was just too mundane. A broken nose, sprained neck, and concussion later, mostly due to a young kid in training who couldn't take a joke, and I feel better than ever.


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## Carol/BC (Mar 23, 2012)

Wow, Halien, you are fascinating. I'm so adverse to risk, but I 'get' the attraction you have to adrenaline. Well, maybe, sort of. I'm also adverse to conflict, so a fist in my face is really bad (I'm guessing, but I'm pretty sure). You sort of live where the rubber meets the road, as it were...or the fist meets the face. I think of myself as 'experiential' but you put a whole new face on it. I bet your wife WAS caught off guard! 
I like your post!


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## Marielle (Mar 28, 2012)

Marielle said:


> ...I'll get back to you later with some ideas...


Sorry about the late reply...got busy with realizing my own transformation. I'll pm instead.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Marielle - I'm having issues with my PM, it keeps turning off even when I enable it...try emailing me at [email protected].


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Carol/BC said:


> Wow, Halien, you are fascinating. I'm so adverse to risk, but I 'get' the attraction you have to adrenaline. Well, maybe, sort of. I'm also adverse to conflict, so a fist in my face is really bad (I'm guessing, but I'm pretty sure). You sort of live where the rubber meets the road, as it were...or the fist meets the face. I think of myself as 'experiential' but you put a whole new face on it. I bet your wife WAS caught off guard!
> I like your post!


We wear light gloves, but the one time where a young kid lost it, and I got the concussion, was a one off incident. The trainer was trying to impress on the guy that he was too predictable, and wanted him to see that someone with a slower approach could see right through him. It was supposed to be light contact, so no head gear. After several embarrassing hits, he flipped out. It was like 'roid rage.

When you realize that most of us put a lot of psychological energy into avoiding conflict, the sparring takes a whole new meaning. The guys in my training cell all committed to each other to never take the easy way out, in general. Most competed in high school, but one was actually a college wrestler who tried out for the US olympic team, and didn't make it. But we all are in positions where we meet customers or suppliers in our jobs, so broken noses and the like are shunned.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Genital piercing. Frenelum piercing would be a good first. No pain and gives you that "dirty" secret feeling. Wife will love it, even if the thought of it turns her off. Once she sees it, she will warm up to it quick. However, it does scratch a bit when having sex and not properly lubricated.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

*UPDATE: Opinions: Man at Midlife Wants to Fly Freak Flag a Little*

OK, a crapload of time has passed since someone replied to this, and I wanted to provide an update.

I recently made the most important change I think I needed to make. I quit my old job where I was a principal in a small-to-medium sized company. A job where I was second in command, the environment was buttoned-up, and I had to go in to the office every day.

Got a new job, similar/better position in org chart, but company HQ is in another state. I will be working from home with occasional excursions to the mothership.

So now, I don't have nearly the professional constraints I one had. Still wanting to "fly the freak flag" a bit, and here is where I think that stands:

Things I have already done:

- New job, nuff said. Job is a step up in pay and benefits from last job, my sex rank with my wife has gone up quite a bit.
- Spent more time at the gym, today my body looks better at age 50 than most 20-somethings (or so I have been told, especially by females). I regularly meet younger people who are very surprised when they learn how old I am.
- Eat more healthfully, drink less alcohol.
- Wife and I have significantly spiced up the bedroom, we have done role play, light bondage, she will sometimes wear a leather corset and stockings, we have acquired and frequently use sex toys. Quality and quantity are way up compared to 2 years ago.
- I play soccer every weekend in a very competitive over-40 league, it makes me feel like a stud.
- I have begun to upgrade my wardrobe, fewer "Dad" clothes, more hip clothes like skinny jeans, and form fitting shirts.

Things I probably won't consider doing:

- Swinging, neither of us want to, or think it is a good idea.
- More serious BDSM/either of us dominating or owning the other, we are happy with costumes/role play, bondage, spanking, occassional hot wax dripping (mostly her dripping it on me), etc.
- Tattoos that are visible while wearing work attire.
- Visible piercings.
- Extreme sports like bungee jumping, skydiving, etc. Soccer at age 50 is extreme enough for me.
- I don't particularly care for motorcycles or souped-up cars. A $5000 racing bicycle is more my speed, and I already have a couple of $3000 ones.

Things I might consider:

- Tattoos that can be seen when I am naked, or perhaps in my swim trunks.
- Pierced nipples, or genital piercings. I think a frenulum piercing might be nice, but I won't do a Prince Albert, looks painful, and I knew someone who had one of those get infected, and it was not good.
- Going to a club where other people are having sex, but we are not expected to particpate. I'm fine with this, but my wife might require some selling on the idea.
- Having sex where we could be seen or get caught. I am up for arranging someone to watch us, but not be involved. Again, my wife is not so hot on this idea at this point, but I'm up for winning her over on the idea.
- Going to a strip club. My wife has agreed that she would do this, but doesn't see why it would be hot. I'm not 100% hot on this either.
- Going to a singles bar separately, chat up other sinlges, pretend to meet up, have a couple of drinks, make out and grope, then leave together.

So does anyone have any other ideas or suggestions? Sorry for the length of the post....


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Almost forgot, I will be taking kickboxing lessons in January!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I went to a strip club with my h and it was really gross. 
We have gone to a couple of events that included burlesque and that was a lot more fun and sexier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

^^I was thinking the same thing about the strip club, kinda gross, watching those girls and thinking about why they do it, and what thier lives are like makes me kind of sad....


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