# Going it alone again 3rd time



## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

Husband 1 16 years alcoholic controlling 
I left him 

Fiancé 9 years cheating controlling I left him ( he cheats on everyone )

Husband 2 9 years addicted to matched betting lazy selfish
Says matched betting is all he’s focused on atm he wants to be rich learning to trade on sporting events 7 days a week 52 weeks a year 

me I’m sure I attract men that are damaged need healing

I’m a people pleaser
I give way too much and now aged 52 starting again is hard

I fell out of love with my exs I love My husband but him putting me and his daughter 15 ( not mine ) last and says he doesn’t think about spending time with us as matched betting makes me think what has 9.5 years been for.

mmm I wonder if any men out there are nice :/


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lawcher62 said:


> Husband 1 16 years alcoholic controlling
> I left him
> 
> Fiancé 9 years cheating controlling I left him ( he cheats on everyone )
> ...


LoL! There are good men and you have some good self reflection to realize that you are part of the equation.

If you're going to be on the market again, your best bet is to get some therapy for a while.

Not a slam BTW. There are a lot of folks who would be having far better lives with some therapy.

Is your stepdaughter your only kiddo?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lawcher62 said:


> Husband 1 16 years alcoholic controlling
> I left him
> 
> Fiancé 9 years cheating controlling I left him ( he cheats on everyone )
> ...


They are, but it takes a long time to see for sure. You have to see a person when they are not getting their way, when they are dealing with adverse conditions, over a period of time to see all sides. People do put on a facade when dating to win someone. It takes a long time to get past that. 

Being too tolerant of small red flags is what will saddle you with a bad person, whether it be love or friendship or relatives. I have a friend who is too tolerant. A man can straight up tell her how he's going to do something heinous if he doesn't get his way, and she will ignore that because she is such a nice guileless person that she just can't imagine that someone is actually that bad. Many women will put up with the small slights and never stand up for themselves. Sometimes it's because they grew up with that and it's familiar to them and sometimes it's just because they think love will win and change that person. 

So yes, you do have to look back and see what red flags you let pass and tolerated to make it stop. 

The other issue, of course, is yes, there are nice men, but especially if you grew up used to a little chaos, you aren't always going to be attracted to them, find chemistry with them. 
It's amazing how many different internet addictions there are these days to destroy relationships, wow. That's a new one on me.


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

I’m having therapy

market lmao not a cow or a-pig ya know

No I have a 26 22 17 year old
6,7,8 year old grand children

he has 2 15 year old and 8 year old
He lays no maintenance for either youngest wa a fb baby he didn’t even bother to see and I found out the mum passed away and he didn’t want to even see him then 🙄


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lawcher62 said:


> I’m having therapy
> 
> market lmao not a cow or a-pig ya know
> 
> ...


Very glad to hear about the therapy.

Congrats on the kiddos and grandkiddos btw.

It definitely sounds like you were attracting, and attracted to, a type.


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> They are, but it takes a long time to see for sure. You have to see a person when they are not getting their way, when they are dealing with adverse conditions, over a period of time to see all sides. People do put on a facade when dating to win someone. It takes a long time to get past that.
> 
> Being too tolerant of small red flags is what will saddle you with a bad person, whether it be love or friendship or relatives. I have a friend who is too tolerant. A man can straight up tell her how he's going to do something heinous if he doesn't get his way, and she will ignore that because she is such a nice guileless person that she just can't imagine that someone is actually that bad. Many women will put up with the small slights and never stand up for themselves. Sometimes it's because they grew up with that and it's familiar to them and sometimes it's just because they think love will win and change that person.
> 
> ...


 Thankyou 

I grew up watching my father beat my mum badly weekly - police at our house both parents tried to kill themselves dad died aged 54 alcoholic and sadly my brother 14 months ago same reason same circumstances
My mother is 72 addicted to dating sites men has been her only interest 

so there lies my role models

I agree with you just harder this time

my Husband does get angry with me shouts at me has lights me if I won’t cook for him !! 7 days a week 52 weeks year


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lawcher62 said:


> Thankyou
> 
> I grew up watching my father beat my mum badly weekly - police at our house both parents tried to kill themselves dad died aged 54 alcoholic and sadly my brother 14 months ago same reason same circumstances
> My mother is 72 addicted to dating sites men has been her only interest
> ...


Well, that is why you don't see the smaller red flags that will alert most women to the fact that they guy isn't great. Because the little stuff is easy for you to ignore because it was normal to you and you also have some skills to deal with it from your childhood. The sad fact is that a damaged man will seem familial to you. He will actually seem comfortable and "known" to you because of your past. I think if possible, it would be really good to work through some of that in therapy so you can become super aware of why you react a certain way to a certain type of man and maybe overcome it. At least you could be aware of it more. Sorry to hear you went through that. 

I mean, that stuff is your "normal" so ironically you are somewhat drawn to it. As is, you might not know how to relate to a simple good man. He might seem unreactive to you or some other thing. So sorry. 

I guess you really want companionship or I'd just recommend you go it alone.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lawcher62 said:


> has lights me if I won’t cook for him !! 7 days a week 52 weeks year


This looks like a typo. Could you elaborate?


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, that is why you don't see the smaller red flags that will alert most women to the fact that they guy isn't great. Because the little stuff is easy for you to ignore because it was normal to you and you also have some skills to deal with it from your childhood. The sad fact is that a damaged man will seem familial to you. He will actually seem comfortable and "known" to you because of your past. I think if possible, it would be really good to work through some of that in therapy so you can become super aware of why you react a certain way to a certain type of man and maybe overcome it. At least you could be aware of it more. Sorry to hear you went through that.
> 
> I mean, that stuff is your "normal" so ironically you are somewhat drawn to it. As is, you might not know how to relate to a simple good man. He might seem unreactive to you or some other thing. So sorry.
> 
> I guess you really want companionship or I'd just recommend you go it alone.


my husband has autism not diagnosed but all the traits my grandson has it so I can see it all so I can empathise but I can’t deal with not it spending quality time together and me doing everything in the house including diy decorating and gardening plus work
He said the last few days things that made it worse for me to keep trying.
Tbh had dates with many men before him and he was the best lol says it all


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lawcher62 said:


> my husband has autism not diagnosed but all the traits my grandson has it so I can see it all so I can empathise but I can’t deal with not it spending quality time together and me doing everything in the house including diy decorating and gardening plus work
> He said the last few days things that made it worse for me to keep trying.
> Tbh had dates with many men before him and he was the best lol says it all


You don't need one that bad to put up with that. You certainly cannot change him. I'm sure your therapist (just saw where you said you were going) has told you that. You can only change what you do or if you stay. 

I guess hiring help to do the things he refuses to do is one option if he'll pay for it or you can split the expense.


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> This looks like a typo. Could you elaborate?


Yes in dark writing this sorry he gets angry with me shouts brings back childhood memories if I don’t cook every day for him and if I mention certain things - I used to do everything for his daughter for 7 years all her care cooking cleaning washing but all her clothes from my money 

we are having a house built so I’m hoping that will go forward we can sell and split the money so we both have security


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Lawcher62 said:


> my husband has autism not diagnosed but all the traits my grandson has it so I can see it all so I can empathise but I can’t deal with not it spending quality time together and me doing everything in the house including diy decorating and gardening plus work
> He said the last few days things that made it worse for me to keep trying.
> Tbh *had dates with many men before him and he was the best* lol says it all


What do you mean by "best"...what makes a man the best to you? What did you like about him?

I think @DownByTheRiver is right....you can't trust what you see when you are first dating, you are seeing a mask only, of what that person wants you to see. Was there anything about him when you were dating that concerned you?


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You don't need one that bad to put up with that. You certainly cannot change him. I'm sure your therapist (just saw where you said you were going) has told you that. You can only change what you do or if you stay.
> 
> I guess hiring help to do the things he refuses to do is one option if he'll pay for it or you can split the expense.


he won’t pay for anything I paid for everything for his daughter for 7 years

he’s never brought any clothes trainers shoes underware mobile phones since he meet me that’s me

Thankyou


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lawcher62 said:


> he won’t pay for anything I paid for everything for his daughter for 7 years
> 
> he’s never brought any clothes trainers shoes underware mobile phones since he meet me that’s me
> 
> Thankyou


So financially, with you working, I think you'd be better off alone.


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> What do you mean by "best"...what makes a man the best to you? What did you like about him?
> 
> I think @DownByTheRiver is right....you can't trust what you see when you are first dating, you are seeing a mask only, of what that person wants you to see. Was there anything about him when you were dating that concerned you?


he wasn’t after sex immediately most were hence not meeting them again
He was different attentive listened to me brought me small gifts made me lunch we spent lots time together 
Then a few minyan after we married he made a friend went out drinking and basically changed towards me.
I lost our baby at 20 weeks Pregnant sepsis was in icu and he went home and came back ages after when I was discharged he left me to cook for him my 2 daughters and his daughter 4 days after I had 8 blood transfusions 

so I allow him to treat me bad as I stay


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So financially, with you working, I think you'd be better off alone.


 No my savings are wrapped up in our house build a lot money he earns more than me well makes I can’t afford to live here alone and the rental market here is awful


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lawcher62 said:


> he wasn’t after sex immediately most were hence not meeting them again
> He was different attentive listened to me brought me small gifts made me lunch we spent lots time together
> Then a few minyan after we married he made a friend went out drinking and basically changed towards me.
> I lost our baby at 20 weeks Pregnant sepsis was in icu and he went home and came back ages after when I was discharged he left me to cook for him my 2 daughters and his daughter 4 days after I had 8 blood transfusions
> ...


I think that might be his autism, but your therapist would know best about that. Anyway, it's nothing you should want to remain with, IMO, unless he makes you happy some way. 

I am so sorry with your pregnancy. You would think even if he can't think properly or react properly that if he has friends, that they would give him a dose of reality about things like that. You can't change him.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lawcher62 said:


> No my savings are wrapped up in our house build a lot money he earns more than me well makes I can’t afford to live here alone and the rental market here is awful


You could move to a smaller community, though. You could even possibly find another single mom or woman as a roommate. There are ways.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Lawcher62 said:


> he wasn’t after sex immediately most were hence not meeting them again
> He was different attentive listened to me brought me small gifts made me lunch we spent lots time together
> Then a few minyan after we married he made a friend went out drinking and basically changed towards me.
> I lost our baby at 20 weeks Pregnant sepsis was in icu and he went home and came back ages after when I was discharged he left me to cook for him my 2 daughters and his daughter 4 days after I had 8 blood transfusions
> ...


You are allowing it by staying, absolutely. He is never going to change, this is HIM.
I am not sure why you are worried about being alone if he is your alternative. I think you would be much happier alone!


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think that might be his autism, but your therapist would know best about that. Anyway, it's nothing you should want to remain with, IMO, unless he makes you happy some way.
> 
> I am so sorry with your pregnancy. You would think even if he can't think properly or react properly that if he has friends, that they would give him a dose of reality about things like that. You can't change him.


he doesn’t tell his friends how he is I know this as I’ve mentioned things to them they are shocked
I meet his best mate February but I had been kept away from him for 9.5 years 
His mate said I can see why he hides you away incase you run off with someone 

No he can’t change tbh why should he I need to change by stopping all his care for him he’s 44 so can start realising I’m not his mummy and he can cook
My middle daughter 22 maybe leaving home so I won’t have to cook for her so it makes it easier but I told him and he got annoyed 
He knows I have anxiety as childhood and that’s troubling he gets angry if I won’t cook


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You could move to a smaller community, though. You could even possibly find another single mom or woman as a roommate. There are ways.


 no children at home
I live in a village
I work from home retail online I need a big storeage area
I live in United Kingdom it’s tough here atm fuel and cost of living here has rocketed


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lawcher62 said:


> no children at home
> I live in a village
> I work from home retail online I need a big storeage area
> I live in United Kingdom it’s tough here atm fuel and cost of living here has rocketed


Have you talked to a solicitor about how you would be sitting in a divorce?


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Have you talked to a solicitor about how you would be sitting in a divorce?


i don’t need to I know too much about husband for him to contest anything
I learnt the hard way with my ex I have enough to get my legal share


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lawcher62 said:


> no children at home
> I live in a village
> I work from home retail online I need a big storeage area
> I live in United Kingdom it’s tough here atm fuel and cost of living here has rocketed


Same here. It's expensive. Does the job keep you busy enough? Could you get another job on top of it?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Lawcher62 said:


> Husband 1 16 years alcoholic controlling
> I left him
> 
> Fiancé 9 years cheating controlling I left him ( he cheats on everyone )
> ...


The problem is not all men, it's the ones you pick.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your hive seems so full of so many stinging bees.

So sorry.

It would be nice if you could financially partner with a family friend, or maybe a child.

There are more than a million jobs open in the UK, most in healthcare and hospitality.

Can you relocate to a small village (with less costs) and find a job?

Are there adverts online or in the paper for room mates?

If so, move in with a lady, avoid the blokes.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Lawcher62 said:


> Says matched betting is all he’s focused on atm he wants to be rich learning to trade on sporting events 7 days a week 52 weeks a year


He won't get rich with matched betting... you can make some extra cash, but that's it. Betting companies spot you after a while and they close your account.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Lawcher62 said:


> mmm I wonder if any men out there are nice :/


There are, but they all have boyfriends.

As the old joke goes.

My wife is a very nice person.

I _think_ I am a nice person.

But, managing to both be nice at the same time can sometimes be difficult.

Sorry, I'm rambling a bit off topic here.

I hope you find someone nice. I really do.


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> He won't get rich with matched betting... you can make some extra cash, but that's it. Betting companies spot you after a while and they close your account.


he has made a lot of money over the last 10 years he multi bets

also he’s learning to trade on sport which is a huge money maker google it guys online teaching you how to do it and they make lots money

matches betting if you know what your doing and multi account you can make £5-10K a month I know I’ve seen the evidence


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Lawcher62 said:


> he has made a lot of money over the last 10 years he multi bets
> 
> also he’s learning to trade on sport which is a huge money maker google it guys online teaching you how to do it and they make lots money
> 
> matches betting if you know what your doing and multi account you can make £5-10K a month I know I’ve seen the evidence


Ok... so there are some positives in your man...


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> The problem is not all men, it's the ones you pick.


All the men I know and my families male partners and friends male partners are all the same lazy have to have everything done for them
Controlling
Like drinking too much it’s not just the ones I know even the ones I know of aren’t great

men tend to be controlling and expect women to work and do 99% of child care and housework to me that is wrong it should be 50/50

i friend of 50 years her husband will do the diy and garden but that’s it he also demands 3 some with other women and her plus she he have up work she earns a lot but he tells her what she can do with her money and not do.

she is an alcoholic sadly as his behaviour

i had many sister and brother in laws over the years and 99% all then men were controlling and lazy and did what they want but the women couldn’t

it is a reality men tend to need to be in charge look how the world has been men in charge wars started by men most sex workers are as men need them


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> Ok... so there are some positives in your man...


lol hemakes lots money but keeps it all to himself he’s never supported me financially I have him
He is lie his father a tight ass cheap skate 

he hates spending money but doesn’t mind me spending mine on him

he has good points but he has traits he learnt from his father his mother isn’t the nicest but they live along way away

his mother cheated on his father left my husband with his father and took his 2 brothers my husband was 18 but his father has anger issues used to hit him scream at him he has awful ocd and hordeing his flat is piled up in mounds of rubbish
So he learnt to be as his parents are


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Lawcher62 said:


> lol hemakes lots money but keeps it all to himself he’s never supported me financially I have him
> He is lie his father a tight ass cheap skate
> 
> he hates spending money but doesn’t mind me spending mine on him
> ...



I hope you are planning your exit from all of this...


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> I hope you are planning your exit from all of this...


I am going to have to becareful and wait it out for a while 
Yes I even paid for his daughter to live she came here aged 6-14 I brought all her clothes for here and if she saw her mum 
I also did all her care he did none 
She went back to her mums and doesn’t see him or contact him she’s 16 this year.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Lawcher62 said:


> All the men I know and my families male partners and friends male partners are all the same lazy have to have everything done for them
> Controlling
> Like drinking too much it’s not just the ones I know even the ones I know of aren’t great
> 
> ...


Yeah, good luck finding one who isn't like that with that attitude. Say what you did to one of those guys and he will run. 

I have brother-in-laws and about 3 really good friends who are married. None of the marriages work the way you say. Yes the spouses tend to have their own area's they are in charge of. For instance only one of my guy friends is a good cook so he does that, but all of them are in partnerships with their wives. I do the bathrooms and sweep and mop the house (we split that up). My wife cooks in the winter because no one wants to eat my cooking, but I grill all summer long. The point is my wife isn't my Mother. I moved out when I was 18 and I didn't marry to go back to that. I had a Mother. 

You need a different social cycle. Maybe you and your sisters priorities were wrong when you made your choice. 

No offense but you need to take some agency in your choices, if you don't you will just end up in the same situation again. Seems to me you want to blame all men because that is easier then I picked bad men. It allows you to believe this fallacy that you were powerless.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Lawcher62 said:


> All the men I know and my families male partners and friends male partners are all the same lazy have to have everything done for them
> Controlling
> Like drinking too much it’s not just the ones I know even the ones I know of aren’t great
> 
> ...


I feel like this is a perception gained from a lifetime of socializing with and hanging around low class men who have zero ambition or goals.

It irks me when I see a post that labels nearly all men or even women as something negative. I have friends and coworkers who are nothing like this. They are good guys who are faithful, no issues with alcohol, love their wife/children, and gladly work as a team to maintain a home, do things as a family, together, and even alone. May I ask where are you meeting these guys? Is it in bars/clubs? 

If you want to meet good guys, you need to put out there your qualities as a lady. What is your education, work ethic, hobbies/interest? How do you talk/dress?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think you’ll find if you leave this situation and work on yourself, and realize that your value doesn’t come from men (I had to learn this too the hard way), you’ll attract better quality men for relationships.

It’s more than a little sobering to realize that we are sometimes, the common denominator in our own problems. Hang in there. 💜


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> Yeah, good luck finding one who isn't like that with that attitude. Say what you did to one of those guys and he will run.
> 
> I have brother-in-laws and about 3 really good friends who are married. None of the marriages work the way you say. Yes the spouses tend to have their own area's they are in charge of. For instance only one of my guy friends is a good cook so he does that, but all of them are in partnerships with their wives. I do the bathrooms and sweep and mop the house (we split that up). My wife cooks in the winter because no one wants to eat my cooking, but I grill all summer long. The point is my wife isn't my Mother. I moved out when I was 18 and I didn't marry to go back to that. I had a Mother.
> 
> ...


your comment on my list says everything about you.

they are my SISTERS IN LAW not my sisters so there are not related to me so these are women who I only meet through my ex husband there were 5 from all different back grounds.

mad I say your comment on MY post actually goes to show you and myself how right I am.

No need to reply it won’t be read.


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I feel like this is a perception gained from a lifetime of socializing with and hanging around low class men who have zero ambition or goals.
> 
> It irks me when I see a post that labels nearly all men or even women as something negative. I have friends and coworkers who are nothing like this. They are good guys who are faithful, no issues with alcohol, love their wife/children, and gladly work as a team to maintain a home, do things as a family, together, and even alone. May I ask where are you meeting these guys? Is it in bars/clubs?
> 
> If you want to meet good guys, you need to put out there your qualities as a lady. What is your education, work ethic, hobbies/interest? How do you talk/dress?


haha I do not go to pubs or bars

i meet my ex husband as I worked for his wife

I meet my ex fiancé through a mutual friend

I meet my husband via friend of a friend

this is 3 I meet
I grew up on a street full of wife beaters 

so you implying it’s me ? I deserve these men and the way they treat me like my mum did with my mum beating her up badly for years ?
I’m allowed to say how I have experienced life doesn’t mean I’m right or your wrong 

what irritates me if you read something you don’t like scroll on by I didn’t ask for you to come bash me but I hope you enjoyed the energy you wasted


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I feel like this is a perception gained from a lifetime of socializing with and hanging around low class men who have zero ambition or goals.
> 
> It irks me when I see a post that labels nearly all men or even women as something negative. I have friends and coworkers who are nothing like this. They are good guys who are faithful, no issues with alcohol, love their wife/children, and gladly work as a team to maintain a home, do things as a family, together, and even alone. May I ask where are you meeting these guys? Is it in bars/clubs?
> 
> If you want to meet good guys, you need to put out there your qualities as a lady. What is your education, work ethic, hobbies/interest? How do you talk/dress?


you also posting loads on here maybe that’s not healthy


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> I think you’ll find if you leave this situation and work on yourself, and realize that your value doesn’t come from men (I had to learn this too the hard way), you’ll attract better quality men for relationships.
> 
> It’s more than a little sobering to realize that we are sometimes, the common denominator in our own problems. Hang in there. 💜


Amazing how your all blaming me for abusive controlling peoples actions towards others 

I think I’m out of here what an awful forum full of sex mad opinionated people who are on a problem marriage forum trying to give advice but are not addressing themselves at all

HYPOCRITES


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

I wish you all the best for a happy life eventually. Someone nice, you will eventually find. Hopefully they'll be close at hand, and not an ocean away.

Yes, some of the posters on here NEED to resolve their own issues before trying to 'help' others. 

Best of luck !!!


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Lawcher62 said:


> you also posting loads on here maybe that’s not healthy


What is unhealthy about posting on a forum?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Lawcher62 said:


> All the men I know and my families male partners and friends male partners are all the same lazy have to have everything done for them
> Controlling
> Like drinking too much it’s not just the ones I know even the ones I know of aren’t great
> 
> ...


Just NO. I have known only very few men as you've described, most of the women I've known have been worse than the men, even in my own family. It's not a gender issue, it's a human selfishness issue. However, the ONLY reason anyone could get away with it is because people allow it. If you don't stand up to lousy people and say "NO" to their selfish demands, of course you are going to be taken advantage of.

The only "reality" is that the men YOU have been around are like that. And that is a choice YOU are making for yourself.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Lawcher62 said:


> Amazing how your all blaming me for abusive controlling peoples actions towards others
> 
> I think I’m out of here what an awful forum full of sex mad opinionated people who are on a problem marriage forum trying to give advice but are not addressing themselves at all
> 
> HYPOCRITES


That advice was extremely respectful and truthful. To be a bit more blunt and honest. At 52 years old and on a third marriage, maybe it's time to look at yourself and question your own strategy and choices. It's obviously not working out too well so far. It's also certainly not too late in life at this point to make changes that lead to better choices. In all reality, you aren't young anymore but you certainly are not old either.

Maybe it's time to take a cold hard look in the mirror and face the reality that what you are doing isn't working out for you. I don't know you, but I believe everyone is entitled to find someone who makes them happy and fulfilled. And I certainly wish that for you. But until you come to an understanding that what you are doing isn't working, keep expecting the same disappointing results.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I didn’t mean to offend, rather help as I’ve been involved (dated) with abusive/toxic men before and no, the abuse is 100% not your fault. But I remember advice given to me then that I had to look at why I stayed too long with these men, why I made excuses for them, why I didn’t respect myself enough to stop dating these types of men.

Continuing to wind up in toxic relationships was something that I had to sort out as to why.

Hope things get better for you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lawcher62 said:


> Amazing how your all blaming me for abusive controlling peoples actions towards others
> 
> I think I’m out of here what an awful forum full of sex mad opinionated people who are on a problem marriage forum trying to give advice but are not addressing themselves at all
> 
> HYPOCRITES


*Moderator warning:- *

Wrong. So wrong that, yes, I see the common denominator here. It *is* you.

People have offered you the olive branch of peace, you grabbed it from them and started to beat people with it.

Nobody was blaming you, but that's how you decided to interpret their kind, thoughtful messages of support.

Your post was offensive and unfair. And you wasted people's time with your hostility and negativity.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lawcher62 said:


> Amazing how your all blaming me for abusive controlling peoples actions towards others
> 
> I think I’m out of here what an awful forum full of sex mad opinionated people who are on a problem marriage forum trying to give advice but are not addressing themselves at all
> 
> HYPOCRITES


Girl, you are very bad at reading clear intentions at helping you.

She isn't the one who keeps having long term relationships with abusive men.

That would be you. You are obviously part of the equation for your misery as you have kept getting involved with the same kind of men.

Getting yourself healthy will absolutely improve your chances of finding a different (better) sort of man.

P.S. This should be eye opening for you as many of the posters responding are solid people in solid relationships, myself included and you aren't able to discern the friendship being given to you.

Is it any wonder you keep attaching to very poor choices for mates?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Lawcher62 said:


> your comment on my list says everything about you.
> 
> they are my SISTERS IN LAW not my sisters so there are not related to me so these are women who I only meet through my ex husband there were 5 from all different back grounds.
> 
> ...


Haha, OK.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Deidre* said:


> I didn’t mean to offend, rather help as I’ve been involved (dated) with abusive/toxic men before and no, the abuse is 100% not your fault. But I remember advice given to me then that I had to look at why I stayed too long with these men, why I made excuses for them, why I didn’t respect myself enough to stop dating these types of men.
> 
> Continuing to wind up in toxic relationships was something that I had to sort out as to why.
> 
> Hope things get better for you.


You didn't offend anyone who is rational. You're a good poster.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ah_sorandy said:


> I wish you all the best for a happy life eventually. Someone nice, you will eventually find. Hopefully they'll be close at hand, and not an ocean away.
> 
> Yes, some of the posters on here NEED to resolve their own issues before trying to 'help' others.
> 
> Best of luck !!!


And in all truthfulness, you are talking about yourself.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Perhaps some time off from relationships would be good.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lawcher62 said:


> All the men I know and my families male partners and friends male partners are all the same lazy have to have everything done for them
> Controlling
> Like drinking too much it’s not just the ones I know even the ones I know of aren’t great
> 
> ...


You are my age. I avoided many unacceptable mates until my wife found me. I've been married once, for life. Neither of us resemble your relatives or their hookups and messups. 

I get that the women in your family are all just saints that somehow kept getting bamboozled into relationships with men (who are all apparently evil, you guys should probably start avoiding the dastardly creatures).

Look at yourself and quit blaming the idiots you and your ilk keep hooking up with.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lawcher62 said:


> nd garden but that’s it he also demands 3 som





Lawcher62 said:


> lol hemakes lots money but keeps it all to himself he’s never supported me financially I have him
> He is lie his father a tight ass cheap skate
> 
> he hates spending money but doesn’t mind me spending mine on him
> ...


Then why do you spend on him. You need to take back some of the power in this relationship
If he is an addict (alcohol, gambling etc) you need some support from Al-anon, etc.
Stop doing his laundry, the cooking (let him shout), go sleep in another room. Dont argue with him when he is drinking, only when he is sober and tell him enough is enough.
Don't pay the internet bill, whatever he needs for whatever he does. There are many ways to skin a cat or 'skin' an obnoxious husband. Tell him, you can only do so much and if he doesn't want to pull his weight then your stuff will get done first, and you may not have time to do his.
You should also take yourself off for a holiday with a friend and let him get on with it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lawcher62 said:


> Amazing how your all blaming me for abusive controlling peoples actions towards others
> 
> I think I’m out of here what an awful forum full of sex mad opinionated people who are on a problem marriage forum trying to give advice but are not addressing themselves at all
> 
> HYPOCRITES


Calm down and stop jumping the gun. There are people here genuinely trying to help and spending time to write. The reality is we are all products of our pasts which often adds to the mix. No-one is saying that your husband's mistreatment is your fault! You need to read carefully what people are saying. They are saying that perhaps due to your own past, you need to get some therapy, etc., to help you look at what it is you want and what type of person you want to be with. Afterall you were the one who said you picked all the wrong husbands/fiancé etc.

it is a bit much shouting names at people, perhaps some are right you have no class cause that is how behavior was modelled for you by your parents and where you lived. So back down a little and put things in perspective, people here do not know you, they have no hidden agendas, but you need to get off your high horse seriously!


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