# Dads, does it matter if your only child is a girl?



## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

A post about daughters/only children going off to college 
talkaboutmarriage.com/.../29502-*only-child*-leaving-college-soon.html 
reminded me of my wife's incessant questions around the time of the birth. Do I want a girl or boy? Don't I really want a boy? Should we have another if its a girl? After several failed pregnancies I kept saying I just wanted a healthy baby. 

As my daughter grew sometimes she and mum would demand a family vote, eg for TV choice. That often meant the TV was on "So you think you can dance" or "Australias Greatest Chef", which I can't stand. Again my wife would ask if I would prefer to have a boy. But I introduced my daughter to "Dr Who" and won TV votes for it.

Before taking my daughter off to university she said to me that she is studying Architecture because I bought her Lego and played them with her. She asked why no Lego dolls? I bought one and it was rarely played with, she chose the toys. She asked did she ever want dolls or Barbie. No. And where did her love of make-up come from? Both my wife and I wonder this too. She ended saying that was very happy with her upbringing. She had been a tom-boy but was changing now. She was only sad that she couldn't take the Lego.

I said I was very happy too, I didn't set out to raise a tom-boy. And warned her not to remind mum or I would be answering questions for decades.

So do other dads care? Do they raise tom-boys as the 'next best'? Do they try for another child? Does living in a house-hold of females matter to the marriage?

Mums welcome to answer too.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

I am a father of two pre teen girls. Do I want a son? Well, yes and no. Having son has it challenges just as having daughter. From my observations, daughters tend to stay closer to their parents than sons do. At the end, all I want my kids to be healthy, successful and happy.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

We have two daughters. Did not matter to me if I had a son or not. Our girls are awesome and enjoy many things boys do. Fishing, cars, sports, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

When I was pregnant, my SIL said my husband would be disappointed if he had a girl. My husband didn't care. Once our daughter was here, she was his. He took her everywhere, he would pack her bag and they would be off for the day. Father and daughter has the same outgoing personality. Very adventurous and she is always up to trying news things with dad. I just sit back and watch the two of them. He loves his girl, she does not let him get away with anything. I feel bad for the boy who is going to date her.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I have only one child, my daughter. Despite the 2:1 gender ratio when married with ex, daughter and I would still gang up on mum!  lol

Yes I wanted a son, and got rather worried at how girly girly daughter has become. However over time, seeing her develop through the years, I can't ask for a more awesome child! She's not just cute and very sweet, she's got balls and she ain't shy of anything. Ex and I always have to keep an eye on her as she approaches anyone and would walk onto a stage without hesitation! She's not just brave, but very clever for her age too.

I wouldn't trade her for anything, and I no longer give a sh-t that she's a girl.



brooklynAnn said:


> When I was pregnant, my SIL said my husband would be disappointed if he had a girl. My husband didn't care. Once our daughter was here, she was his. He took her everywhere, he would pack her bag and they would be off for the day. Father and daughter has the same outgoing personality. Very adventurous and she is always up to trying news things with dad. I just sit back and watch the two of them. He loves his girl, she does not let him get away with anything. I feel bad for the boy who is going to date her.


Haha sounds like your husband went through the same phases I did!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have two daughters, The second one is here specifically because I wanted a son lol. I would have loved a bigger family and would have loved more kids. Unfortunately that didn't work out for me due to my divorce so all I will ever have is my two daughters. I'm a very alpha guy naturally so I try and temper things around them as best I can. I am hoping that this will balance itself out with the time they spend with their mother who is high drama. I take them on adventures. White water rafting, hiking, fishing, camping. A little Tom boy never hurt anyone. I can see in my oldest some of my traits which is very cool.

It was a personal and very hard thing for me to realize that I would never have a son. I have three nephews so that's as close as I will get I suppose. And I do hope for grandsons one day which would be awesome.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

My brother only had a daughter, so it was incumbent upon me to have a son, thus our Y chromosome would continue into the next generation. Fortunately I had two, so another generation of meatheads has been ensured. I also had a daughter, so my ex-wife can feel secure that her mitochondrial DNA will pass into another generation.

My SO wants a girl, and I'm okay with that.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

I was fortunate enough to have two sons and two daughters

Hard to imagine life without my girls

My sons are awesome doing things that make me and my wife (their mom)very proud

I will say this though

If God made anything better than girls.........He/she would have kept them to his/her self

55


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Three girls. Would do it again.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I was an only child.. my Mother told me yrs ago that my Father always wanted a girl.. I found it odd...He was never into sports, maybe that had something to do with it.. though he was very much into motorcycles.. still don't get it.. never asked him....

I'm a lot like my father, personality wise, how he reasons/thinks... my mother would always tell me "You are ALL your Father".. but still we've never been close.. only see him about 4 times a year... It's strange.. 

The relationship between my husband & our daughter is so much richer... deeper... those 2 are very very close...she adores her Dad, they laugh a lot, play games, watch movies, she comes to kiss him every night...She IS our only daughter ...she has , count them .. 5 brothers.. 

Why do we have so many kids... I wanted that little girl !!..(kinda the flip side to your question)..... I told my husband early on.. I wanted at least 3 kids.. if one wasn't a girl.. I'd want to keep trying.... My Mother wasn't in my life growing up, I had no sisters .... I really wanted that "Mother/ daughter thing" ...it's something I felt I missed in life.... 

I would have to say our daughter is closer to DAD.. and I am closer to our sons.. even though I prayed for that little darling for like 13 yrs .. oh she is the apple of my eye though....

Yet...I have found boys to be easier to deal with, so long as they don't do stupid things to hurt themselves & hang in a good circles of friends....plus they are so dang funny [email protected]# ..not to mention a lot less Emotional & Temperamental ..

We see this escalating a bit as she gets older....."attitude!".... Still love her to pieces though...

I don't spoil her.. though many would assume so... Dad is very thankful he has his precious daughter.. this I know.. even if it did take us 5 tries to get her...


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

I have girls and love them but I won't lie.... was very happy to hear my last was a boy.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

When my late (first) wife and I had our first child (two more came later), we weren't sure we wanted another one, considering that it was a difficult birth for my wife. Our child was a girl and I was (still am) happy to have been blessed with a healthy child, even if it had meant that there would be no more babies with my wife.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I was very happy raising my girls. I was a bit surprised at how much fun a son turned out to be. Someday I hope to try grandkids.
MN


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I've got my boy, I would absolutely love to meet somebody with a daughter around his age... Always wanted a girl, I grew up in a house full of girls, I want to raise a girl like something fierce, and then hand her off to some very lucky man some day. I can only hope.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Absolutely! I don't have to own a shotgun with boys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Two high school age daughters here. The two greatest kids any parent could ask for. Not a single regret.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Only girls here. No regret at all. My girls play sports, do dance, play legos. Girls can do anything boys can any more. I have no regrets at all.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Absolutely! I don't have to own a shotgun with boys.


Coke Zero, meet keyboard.

Damn, CH... you're on a roll today.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Coke Zero, meet keyboard.
> 
> Damn, CH... you're on a roll today.


That's probably just the Coke talking. &#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

NotEasy said:


> So do other dads care? Do they raise tom-boys as the 'next best'? Do they try for another child? Does living in a house-hold of females matter to the marriage?


All three of mine are girls and they were a delight. 

I didn't deliberately try to make them tom-boys, that seemed to happen all by itself. 

For whatever reason, they preferred Lego, Hot Wheels, raising snakes from eggs and plinking with a .22 to more traditional stuff.

I got stuck with one of the damn pythons though and still have it - LOL


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I was an only child.. my Mother told me yrs ago that my Father always wanted a girl.. I found it odd.


This was exactly my issue. I didn't care about gender. And my wife would not accept that answer. So finally I tossed a coin in my mind and said 'a girl'. 
After the birth the issue became that I did not want our daughter hearing that I really wanted a son. Lost that battle. But my daughter treats it as a joke, hopefully with no hidden sadness.



SimplyAmorous said:


> He was never into sports, maybe that had something to do with it.. though he was very much into motorcycles.. still don't get it.. never asked him....


In Australia many men want sons so they have someone to watch sports with. Maybe that is part of why my wife thought I wanted a son. Years ago there was an ad here about Norm, an all round sportsman, football, rugby, cricket, Olympics, he could watch them all. I hated watching sports even before the ads. I instilled in her either play sport or ignore it, but don't watch it. Schoolmates got her watching rugby. And her university is close to an Aussie Rules stadium, so she plans go to matches as a way to bond with friends.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm a lot like my father, personality wise, how he reasons/thinks... my mother would always tell me "You are ALL your Father".. but still we've never been close.. only see him about 4 times a year... It's strange..
> 
> The relations-hip between my husband & our daughter is so much richer... deeper... those 2 are very very close...she adores her Dad, they laugh a lot, play games, watch movies, she comes to kiss him every night...She IS our only daughter ...she has , count them .. 5 brothers..
> 
> ...


My wife also complains that our daughter is too much like me and she prefers me. Our daughter prefers watching movies with me rather than mum. And she places more importance on my opinions than mums.
Thankfully our daughter copied mums fashion sense, not mine. Although at 18 she now makes her own fashion choices that sometimes don't please either parent.



SimplyAmorous said:


> Yet...I have found boys to be easier to deal with, so long as they don't do stupid things to hurt themselves & hang in a good circles of friends....plus they are so dang funny [email protected]# ..not to mention a lot less Emotional & Temperamental ..


I find our daughter easy to deal with, though don't have any sons to compare that with. I suppose I compare her to myself, and I know what I got away with.



SimplyAmorous said:


> We see this escalating a bit as she gets older....."attitude!".... Still love her to pieces though...
> 
> I don't spoil her.. though many would assume so... Dad is very thankful he has his precious daughter.. this I know.. even if it did take us 5 tries to get her...


I grew up near a family with 8 girls before dad got a son. The biggest house in town. If you keep trying even longer runs of boys are possible. The odds are 1 in 1000 will have 10 boys before the girl, and there are 1000 couples around us, so someone can expect it to happen if we all keep trying.
Tell your daughter what my youngest sister tells me "Mum and dad stopped trying when they got a perfect one".


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Our first two were boys. My wife wanted a girl, got me liquored up (or as I like to put it, she "Cosby'd me....) and we ended up having a girl. All you can do is just raise her to be a happy healthy person, and a lot of times her personality will dictate that. My daughter (not even 2yrs old) is actually a goofball, and given she has two older brothers has definitely taken on some of their "boy" personalities.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> I was very happy raising my girls. I was a bit surprised at how much fun a son turned out to be. Someday I hope to try grandkids.
> MN


While I am perfectly happy with just a daughter, I must admit to looking forward to grandkids, perhaps a boy.
My mum said she preferred being a grandmother, it was less stressful and she could relax and enjoy.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

intheory said:


> *"Dads, does it matter if your only child is a girl?"*
> 
> Obviously it does; since it's 2015, and this is still a question. One respondent even going so far as to say that his brother "only" had a girl.
> 
> ...


I don't think that it's really uncommon is it? I have two female friends that both had boys only they both wished they had a daughter. I would suspect that most parents, involved parents, wish they had at least one child of the same gender. My mother, also had two boys, also wanted a daughter which is probably why she clings on to my daughters. I think this will always be the case. Doesn't mean you love your kids less or anything but yes I do wish I had had the opportunity to have more kids and try for a son. If I had two boys I would now be saying I wish I could try for a girl.

I am a good parent and love my girls but thier is an aspect of parenting I will never have because we are different genders and that's just the way it is. I can raise them, love them, show them things for sure. I can't teach them to be good women. I lack the tools and background for that.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> I don't think that it's really uncommon is it? I have two female friends that both had boys only they both wished they had a daughter. I would suspect that most parents, involved parents, wish they had at least one child of the same gender. My mother, also had two boys, also wanted a daughter which is probably why she clings on to my daughters. I think this will always be the case. Doesn't mean you love your kids less or anything but yes I do wish I had had the opportunity to have more kids and try for a son. If I had two boys I would now be saying I wish I could try for a girl.


I agree. There may be some smattering of sexism or gender preference in play in some cases, but I think it's much more common for parents to want at least one of each. For the sake of variety or some parental version of GIGs or whatever.

They are different, from my perspective. My daughters (I have four) were generally closer to their mom in their preteens, then gravitated more to me. Just the opposite with my sons, interestingly. I find boys easier to raise, because there's absolutely nothing they can pull that I haven't pulled myself. The girls have been tougher for me, trying to help them with issues that have ranged from love life issues to one brief bout with cutting. I feel out of my depth so often, but I'm proud that they can come to me with these issues in the first place.

I agree that it's tough for me to teach them to be women, but one thing I can and will do is teach them how to expect to be treated by men, down to opening doors for them and up to listening to them, treating them with respect, and loving them with every fiber of my being.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Absolutely! I don't have to own a shotgun with boys.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha too true! I always tell my wife that if we had a boy we would only have to worry about one penis. Having daughters we have to worry about every penis. 

Anyway, in my home, three women, we schedule vacation around that time of the month for each. It is hard to sync all three but we manager.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

My dad only had me and one brother He always wished he had girls, or at least one. In my generation our family had only two girls out of 14.

Growing up the only thing I could have wished for was a sister .That made it special for me to have daughters.

And my Dad, he spoiled the sh!t out of those two nieces. But I'll tell you what,my female cousins are very special to me because of the close relationship they shared with their uncle (my Dad)

Life is good

55


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

I never acknowledged the difference. Baby's a baby. Kid's a kid.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

intheory said:


> *One respondent even going so far as to say that his brother "only" had a girl.*


*

Nice attempted slam by changing the context of my statement into something it wasn't.*


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## chris007 (Jul 15, 2015)

Oddly, enough I see the opposite to be true. Anyone remember the SB "Sorry its a boy commercial"? 

» Twitter in Uproar After T-Mobile?s Sexist ?Sorry It?s a Boy? Super Bowl Ad Alex Jones' Infowars: There's a war on for your mind!

And as for myself, I have no kids but planning to in the future, god willing. I would be happy with a boy or a girl, but would raise em a bit differently.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

It probably wont matter as they are already implementing the choice to choose the gender of your baby via invitro. Soon you will just go through a catalog, choose every feature you want your child to have, and voila, 9 months later you get a shiny new package.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I can't answer. 

Honestly, I only wanted girls and was completely happy for 6 years. I am now completely happy I have both.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

intheory said:


> The modifier "only" can mean "merely" or "just barely sufficient".
> 
> So, in a thread such as this dealing with the respective values of having male vs. female children, it isn't too much of a leap to see "only" as the diminutive that it is often intended to be.


It certainly is a leap, when the entire sentence is put in context:



Constable Odo said:


> My brother only had a daughter, so it was incumbent upon me to have a son, thus our Y chromosome would continue into the next generation. Fortunately I had two, so another generation of meatheads has been ensured. I also had a daughter, so my ex-wife can feel secure that her mitochondrial DNA will pass into another generation.


The self-derogatory reference to "meatheads" makes it abundantly clear to all except those who are looking for something that isn't there, that my response was tongue-in-cheek, given men only pass their Y chromosome down to their male offspring, while both men and women inherit their mitochondrial DNA from their parents, although as men, we will not pass the mitochondrial DNA we inherit from our mothers to our male or female offspring. 

(From a genetic perspective, all men should want a son, to ensure their Y chromosome they've inherited from the continuous string of males in their lineage, all the way back to their Y-MRCA, continues into future generations.)

This lesson in genetics has been brought to you by the letter H and number 7, which, when concatenated, yields my mtDNA haplogroup.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

intheory said:


> *I was told that my bio. father and his family did not visit me and my mother in the hospital when I was born, because I was "just" a girl.*
> 
> Babysitting in the '70's, I looked after kids in this one family. The boy had bacon and eggs for breakfast, the girls got Cheerios and non-fat milk.
> 
> ...


 I can see this would be a difficult subject for you Intheory..







..I don't know how all that played out..but I can't imagine a man being a good Father in any capacity -even to his son(s) if he took this attitude towards his own flesh & blood baby daughter....Family..I'd think any mother worth her salt would be encouraging her son to go see his baby also.. not going along her her son's attitude.. shame on them.. 

One good thing.. you sound nothing like your Bio father... you stand out as always empathetic, kind, a good TAM listener , with very understanding feedback.. who strives to do the right thing.. so despite how screwed up your parents & their choices were (I know all about that myself!).... you seem to be all the more *aware *because of it.. to not treat others this way.. 

That Family you babysat for.. I don't really understand it..so the Mom was on board too -with the boys getting superior treatment? or she just complied.. could have been... this is foreign to me personally.. I love the differences.. we all serve a wonderful purpose...as children, as adults.. It's just wrong all the way around. 



intheory said:


> *"Dads, does it matter if your only child is a girl?"*
> 
> Obviously it does; since it's 2015, and this is still a question. One respondent even going so far as to say that his brother "only" had a girl.
> 
> *Some positive responses from men; which is heartening*.


 I think it's a general question many throw out there making conservation if they see a family with all boys or all girls.... we've had numerous "You got your own football or baseball team there".. ..that question isn't too far away if one keeps talking.... I never minded being asked...not sure many were prepared for my outpouring of just how badly I wanted that darn little girl though...I might even mention how I bought this Book... bla bla...

*>>* How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby: ...but circumstances of trying for a girl- which is harder to conceive due to timing it days before you ovulate (ups your chances) as the female







swim SLOWER but live LONGER (so.. it seemed I was missing it TOO MUCH.. then YEARS went by.. we had a problem.. enter the infertile yrs.....didn't care if it was another boy after 6 yrs of trying!.. I breathed 3rd son was conceived.. (4th son was an accident).. as soon as I was late...I told him...it's going to be another BOY!! because of the timing.. and it was.

It's not that I didn't want sons.. I envied larger families.. all that sweet chaos.. I dreamed of it.. 

Can I say this without getting a hammer to my head...I cried afterwards with the 4th sonogram, thinking I am pushing our limit now with 4 .. the health of any baby is THE MOST IMPORTANT -always a sigh of relief here...a blessing.. Thankfulness [email protected]#... but still ...the realization I may never have a daughter clobbered me.. I was trying to grieve this...accept it... *I couldn't do it*!... Something within would not allow me to lay it down..Selfishness.. I don't know.. I guess I don't care. I feel it worked out.. all I can say is.. I was very emotional about it.. . the ONLY THING THAT LIFTED MY SPIRITS was.. an attitude of "F** it.. we're going to try again!!" (God Bless my husband!)...... then I was happy....my JOY came back...I enjoyed that son as much as the 1st.. then 2 yrs later.. we got our little girl ... using the timing/methods/ no orgasm for me (hated that part!) of that book. 

My Grandmother married later in life, had 2 sons in her 40's... she really wanted my father to be a daughter ...I was the 1st granddaughter...She was overjoyed.. even if she was in her 60's at that time.. I fulfilled a longing in her heart, I believe... I guess things work out..I always looked upon her more like a mother to me even...we were good for each other.. she died months before I married...so our time was short.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

intheory said:


> *"*Dads, does it matter if your only child is a girl?"
> 
> Obviously it does; since it's 2015, and this is still a question. One respondent even going so far as to say that his brother "only" had a girl.
> 
> ...


I have never understood this 'only a girl' stuff. I seriously did not care about the gender. Decades later I still haven't convinced my wife that I didn't care. At the time I just alternated between gloating "look what I did", and being terrified that something may go wrong. I didn't have thought processes left to decide boy or girl. 

My wife wanted to give me a baby boy, partly because she thought that is what I really wanted and partly because I would loose prestige in her families eyes if I couldn't pass on my family name. Open any phone book, our surname already has many pages, no need for me to add more.

But not visiting a new born baby girl is extreme. I would never again talk to anyone who did that. 

On a 'lighter' note, I gave my daughter cereal for breakfast, the same as I eat, from a factory my family worked in. That worked for a while until she discovered bacon. Recently a nephew came to visit, he is a spoiled only son. He eats large serves of anything with fat for breakfast. I tried to interest him in cereal, unsuccessfully, He weighs twice what my daughter weighs. She definitely has the healthier diet.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

intheory said:


> *I think the mom complied and went along, SA. They were also a bit on the religious side; that's where the idea of the male child getting better treatment came from*.


 I was a christian for many years (or tried to be) and really.. I never seen or even thought of parents feeling or treating their boys Better... it flew completely over my radar if this was happening I guess.... I couldn't even sight an example I have seen personally... I've always "felt" men treat women like ladies in the church.. caring for their families.. 



> *I remember how much you wanted a girl:smile2:, but considering your relationship with your mom; do you think it might have been so you could mother a daughter the way you wish your mom could have raised you? Just a possibility. I am so glad it worked out for you.*


 I did mention how I feel I missed the mother / daughter thing.... I was very close to my mother till about 3rd grade..she was my best friend, we'd make cookies together, she threw me big Birthday parties for the whole neighborhood, took me sledding, we built snow men.. and igloos, she always bought me a new Easter dress... but then it all fell apart after the divorce...(a bad story there- then she was gone, her choices/ experiences took her down a downward spiral)

I was an inconvenience for my Step mother (or sure felt that way)... My best friend's Mom treated me like her own, I came to her with all my questions, we'd have long talks.. but still I was ENVIOUS.. I felt these things were ripped from me.. 

I think what we are most jealous of or envious of ...is what our hearts deeply desire for ourselves..like my desire to be part of larger family...I just wanted that very very BADLY.. 

Also I think this saying is on the true side >> "When you have a daughter, you have her for life.. when you have a son.. you have him till he takes a wife".... and there is nothing wrong with that.. I am not complaining. I EXPECT IT.. 

I feel my daughter is more likely to call ME / her brothers when she's older, try to see them, US... women are more relationship oriented.. a Wife has to remind her husband to call his Mother sometimes (even I do with my Husband & he loves his mom [email protected]#)...

I can't say I had kids so they could take care of me when I am older.. not my aim at all.. I just thoroughly enjoyed having them, raising them...even if for a season.. and they are GONE...I want them to do well.. be happy.. I have a board up my butt about being a burden to anyone.. this will include my children someday...Hopefully hubby is still around. if not, I'll find another old man so we can help each other. That's just how I think.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

The male preference thing is an old legacy that dies hard but should appropriately be placed in the museum of old beliefs. 

I never cared in theory. When my first child was born (a male) he came with serious genetic defects and lived only a few weeks in neonatal intensive care in the hospital and i had to watch him die. 

After that I Really didn't care what gender future offspring were. Somehow every time I roll the genetic dice with the mother it has come up male and the world now has four more of them. I hope I've helped raise them so they don't perpetuate the myth of the need for a male child over a female child. I would've liked having one little girl in the bunch but that wasn't why we kept popping them out.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

When my EX became pregnant the first time we didn't find out the gender because it literally made zero difference to us. We wanted a healthy child and we wanted to be good parents and gender really didn't matter. Now after having three boys I can say I wish I'd also had a daughter too. But I had plenty of nieces and great nieces and two grand daughters so I'll take it.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I was a christian for many years (or tried to be) and really.. I never seen or even thought of parents feeling or treating their boys Better... it flew completely over my radar if this was happening I guess.... I couldn't even sight an example I have seen personally... I've always "felt" men treat women like ladies in the church.. caring for their families..


I have seen similar behaviour in church. But even earlier my non-church going father set the same example. He said woman get such a rough deal from life that we should try to even the load and help wherever possible. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> I did mention how I feel I missed the mother / daughter thing.... I was very close to my mother till about 3rd grade..she was my best friend, we'd make cookies together, she threw me big Birthday parties for the whole neighborhood, took me sledding, we built snow men.. and igloos, she always bought me a new Easter dress... but then it all fell apart after the divorce...(a bad story there- then she was gone, her choices/ experiences took her down a downward spiral)
> 
> I was an inconvenience for my Step mother (or sure felt that way)... My best friend's Mom treated me like her own, I came to her with all my questions, we'd have long talks.. but still I was ENVIOUS.. I felt these things were ripped from me..
> 
> I think what we are most jealous of or envious of ...is what our hearts deeply desire for ourselves..like my desire to be part of larger family...I just wanted that very very BADLY..


Glad to hear that this need was somewhat filled.

For me, I had no such need pushing me to want a son or daughter. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Also I think this saying is on the true side >> "When you have a daughter, you have her for life.. when you have a son.. you have him till he takes a wife".... and there is nothing wrong with that.. I am not complaining. I EXPECT IT..


I have said similar to my wife. She thinks sons support their elderly parents. Maybe that was the case in the past. But looking at her extended family, it is daughters who provide most of the support.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel my daughter is more likely to call ME / her brothers when she's older, try to see them, US... women are more relationship oriented.. a Wife has to remind her husband to call his Mother sometimes (even I do with my Husband & he loves his mom [email protected]#)...
> 
> I can't say I had kids so they could take care of me when I am older.. not my aim at all.. I just thoroughly enjoyed having them, raising them...even if for a season.. and they are GONE...I want them to do well.. be happy.. I have a board up my butt about being a burden to anyone.. this will include my children someday...Hopefully hubby is still around. if not, I'll find another old man so we can help each other. That's just how I think.


Agreed. 

I would like to live my old years in an extended family, around lots of grandkids, providing baby sitting, having company. I fear I will spend those years in a retirement home. Hopefully I will follow a grandmothers example who became the unpaid social director for the home, always busy organising trips, walks, card games, movies etc.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

Thundarr said:


> When my EX became pregnant the first time we didn't find out the gender because it literally made zero difference to us. We wanted a healthy child and we wanted to be good parents and gender really didn't matter. Now after having three boys I can say I wish I'd also had a daughter too. But I had plenty of nieces and great nieces and two grand daughters so I'll take it.


How easy was it to get through the pregnancy without knowing? 

My wife forced me to decide on the way to an ultrasound examination. They had asked repeatedly if we cared. If we didn't want to know we were told to avoid watching. Personally it was so difficult to even tell what part of our baby was legs, head etc on the small black and white screen. But they were worried I would spot some anatomy and know.
I wanted to know the gender more because I wanted see and know everything, rather than that I cared is it a boy or girl.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

NotEasy said:


> How easy was it to get through the pregnancy without knowing?
> 
> My wife forced me to decide on the way to an ultrasound examination. They had asked repeatedly if we cared. If we didn't want to know we were told to avoid watching. Personally it was so difficult to even tell what part of our baby was legs, head etc on the small black and white screen. But they were worried I would spot some anatomy and know.
> I wanted to know the gender more because I wanted see and know everything, rather than that I cared is it a boy or girl.


It was easy to not know personally but it made things more complicated. People didn't know what gender of clothes and toys to buy at the shower. Anyone wanting to set up a nursery and color match everything would hate it but we were young and pretty broke so it didn't make much difference. We did find out the gender the next time around.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I have a son and a daughter. Son is older. I think this is the perfect combination. I sometimes vicarious live through my son and don't wanthim to make the mistakes I did. He is turning out well. My daughter always welcomes me when I come back home, with hugs and kisses. My wife used to do that in the initial years, but now she couldn't care less when I come home. I get the love from my little girl. When I am old and unwell, I don't think my wife will care about me, but I know my daughter will.

You cannot replace a son and you cannot replace a daughter. Both are special.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Three girls. Would do it again.


Just like my own dad. I am the oldest of three girls. We all are a mix of girly girls and tomboys. I am the "girliest" of the three of us. But I would still run around in the dried up swamp, every summer, looking for frogs and snails. We built forts in the brush behind the house... and played with cars in the sand with the boys mom babysat. When we used to heat the house with a wood stove, we girls went with dad to cut down trees and haul wood. Dad taught us how to check fluid levels in our cars and taught us other things that are, stereotypically, attached to men/boys. Dad wanted us to be capable of caring for ourselves, not relying on a man for everything. He succeeded... well, with two of us. The third is a mama's girl through and through, and was very spoiled by mom. But he said, more than once, that he wouldn't trade even one of us girls for all the boys in the world.


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