# marriage doesn't make people happy



## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Just picked up Divorce Remedy from the library. So far nothing's new, I have spent many many hours reading and learning in the wake of my husband's leaving 6 weeks ago. I just hit upon one point that I already knew but to me is the number one reason my husband left: "marriage doesn't make people happy...you can't rely on another person to fulfill you . Unless you feel satisfied with your own life, you will not be able to determine whether your unhappiness stems from personal or relationship issues." He never made a living, always relied on me, always came up with excuses why he couldn't do what he really wanted for work. Then blamed me for making.him feel unloved and unrespected. I highly doubt he loves and respects himself. I wish I could compel him.to read this book. :/
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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Great post,

Next time i hear "its not you, its me" i'll actually believe it. Because I'm awesome, and you're the one with the problems!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MyselfAgain said:


> Just picked up Divorce Remedy from the library. So far nothing's new, I have spent many many hours reading and learning in the wake of my husband's leaving 6 weeks ago. I just hit upon one point that I already knew but to me is the number one reason my husband left: "marriage doesn't make people happy...you can't rely on another person to fulfill you . Unless you feel satisfied with your own life, you will not be able to determine whether your unhappiness stems from personal or relationship issues." He never made a living, always relied on me, always came up with excuses why he couldn't do what he really wanted for work. Then blamed me for making.him feel unloved and unrespected. I highly doubt he loves and respects himself. I wish I could compel him.to read this book. :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why do you want him to read it?


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Matt1720 said:


> Great post,
> 
> Next time i hear "its not you, its me" i'll actually believe it. Because I'm awesome, and you're the one with the problems!


I think (in my case), it was a mixture of both. Then again, my ex is a narcissist. Maybe I should ask her to reflect on that.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

MyselfAgain said:


> Just picked up Divorce Remedy from the library. So far nothing's new, I have spent many many hours reading and learning in the wake of my husband's leaving 6 weeks ago. I just hit upon one point that I already knew but to me is the number one reason my husband left: "marriage doesn't make people happy...you can't rely on another person to fulfill you . Unless you feel satisfied with your own life, you will not be able to determine whether your unhappiness stems from personal or relationship issues." He never made a living, always relied on me, always came up with excuses why he couldn't do what he really wanted for work. Then blamed me for making.him feel unloved and unrespected. I highly doubt he loves and respects himself. I wish I could compel him.to read this book. :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand what you seek, but the book is not a magic wand. At best, it might be a catalyst to change, but there are no guarantees. Some people never stop playing the blame game.

Have you both been to MC?


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

I read a lot of the book today...definitely not much that could help me at this point. When your spouse leaves and you have no contact for weeks, I guess it's over. I know that reading more books is probably just grasping at straws. My stbxh suggested MC once, before he left, but we were broke so I didn't pursue it and neither did he. After he left I brought it up but as you can guess he stopped responding to me so I have since gone dark. I assume that any contact from me now would just add nails to the coffin. Not sure when he will show up to get the rest of his stuff.
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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Matt, you are so right. Intellectually I know that I am a catch, and my stbxh is a leech. Need to just keep focusing on that and remember that somewhere out there is a man who will see the real me and love me for who I am!
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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I believe happiness is a personal choice. It seems that some folks who have the most seem to gripe the most.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I believe happiness is a personal choice. It seems that some folks who have the most seem to gripe the most.


This seems true to me as well. My stbxh was given every opportunity by his adoptive parents...sent him to college, he dropped out. sent him money to get him on his feet, he didn't do what he really needed to do to become financially independent. He is in his mid-30s and his highly intelligent, successful parents still scratch theory heads wondering what went wrong. I respect them very much, but they have enabled him his whole life.
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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MyselfAgain said:


> This seems true to me as well. My stbxh was given every opportunity by his adoptive parents...sent him to college, he dropped out. sent him money to get him on his feet, he didn't do what he really needed to do to become financially independent. He is in his mid-30s and his highly intelligent, successful parents still scratch theory heads wondering what went wrong. I respect them very much, but they have enabled him his whole life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hate to say it.

STBXH adopted?

Very difficult to overcome without being emotionally broken.

Read Lifescript's thread from your perspective.

He's likely doing the same things - in reverse.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

In reverse...you mean, my Stbxh is the opposite of codependent?
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