# Is it too late to save my marriage?



## a_changed_man (Oct 13, 2010)

Nearly three ago now, I moved into a house with my girlfriend (now wife) to start our life together, how ever i had brought along a piece of me which I'm now so ashamed off because of all the pain it has caused. For approximately two years before we moved in together I have started going to porn sites which then let to chat forums and eventually led to having cyber sex. My girlfriend inadvertently came across pictures and messages that I had stored on my computer. What I seem to reading a lot is that as i did at the time, felt that because what i was doing was not real that it was not as bad as actually meeting up with a person face to face and cheating on my girlfriend, but just fulfilling my sexual needs, not that she wasn't but this i guess was emotionally detached and could be ended anytime with the click of a button. I know this no excuse.

Even though i had been caught red-handed I tried to play the situation down but the evidence was overwhelming. Suffice to say my girlfriend was devastated, hurt and felt betrayed by the man she loved. although quite within her right to walk away she didn't, and we sought marriage counseling for 3 months or there abouts. We thought that we turned a corner and started move on start afresh. Not long after we became engaged and started to plan our future. Some 5-6 months later, She found more of the same crap on my computer but instead of us going down the same path as before I guess she needed to try and understand these urges or what ever you want to call it. I guess it made me feel comfortable and I was able to open up to her more about it, i guess i felt less like a sexual deviant or something. Anyway I guess it work as I have not used those type of site again, no cybering no nothing. So we got married a short while ago and and things were going okay, yeah she obviously has some trust issue with me and rightly so given my track record and i had accepted that I was going to have to earn her trust over time. Then last week, while i hadn't regressed back to my old ways I made the mistake (stupid) of sending and innocent enough message - just inquiring after the well-being of her and her family and that I was really happy being married, I inquired if she still cyber-ed not it made any difference to me (I guess that all we really had in common, i guess we were never actually friends like you have at work or school) to one of the ladies that I had cyber-ed with in the past on a social networking site. My wife came across this by accident and although I should have just been honest about making contact for nothing more than curiosity I lied about it and said that she contacted me. I should have just been honest but i got scared. Anyway we have barely been speaking and have been sleeping separate bedrooms for the last 4 days. I know I have done wrong but I fear I have crossed the line one too many times. I love my wife with every fiber of my being and had no intention of revisiting my old habits as I didn't want to lose her or what we have she is my everything but because of me flapping big time and promptly lying to her when she knew full well I had initiated contact, an that silly act has now broken down all the trust that i was trying to rebuild with her. We have only been married a short while but we have been together for nearly 14 years.

I don't what i expect to happen by posting up here, i guess i just want to find out if anyyone else has been in a similar situation, can I save my marriage?


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

A woman, she will put up with much from the man she loves and respects.

This addiction to cybering with strangers, it is an issue that can be worked through, with honesty and brave and bold confronting the issues.

A dishonest man, no woman will tolerate this. 

Dishonesty, it kills respect and sexual attraction with a single blow.

The honest man, with his woman he can practically get away with murder!

The dishonest man, even the slightest transgress will end up with someone sleeping on the couch, or worse!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Can I tell you bluntly, you lack self-control.

Based on my own experience, private messages about sex with an opposite sex is wrong! I got myself into this kind of trouble, even innocently, but I know it is wrong, and I know how disgusting men can be, they can justify themselves with all kind of reasons, but their action shows dissatisfaction with their spouses. I went to a Chinese forum and started to talk about sex in the sex section, right away I got a bunch of sexual messages. I like TAM because men here respect us wives and we joke together, but no one showed disrespect to me. 

If I were your wife, I lack trust in you, like BBW said, we would protect our husbands if they had been killers, but not cheaters. In China, women who were hurt severely by their men cut off their men's penises, be glad you are not with a Chinese woman. 

How can you gain your wife's trust? 

There is no other way, you have to be 100% open with her!!!!!


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