# Thinking of checking into this life



## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Well I decided to post a new thread to start another area of my ordeal I have been through. All my friends here have been so helpful. You may read my thread about checking out and may be inspired or awestruck I dont know. In short my PTA wife and I separated she moved a criminal drug user into home two weeks later, I had him arrested, she tried to commit suicide, I got custody of children and house. She asked to come home, I said no, she moved into friends house and I thought she might have hooked back up with the loser. Well she had visit with kids and wanted to drive them to mcdonalds. I put kids in car and all I could smell was marijuana , so I pulled kids back out and put them in my car. She denied being with him and denied the smell. I told her I wasnt stupid and she finally admitted it. She previously told me she was only talking with him. I drove away and she text me saying she needed help and wanted to make big changes in her life and get rid of him. I met her today at donut shop and she said she wanted her old life back and she didnt know why she could never tell the truth, she said there was something wrong with her and she needed help. So what do I do here , Im scared. She is a compulsive liar and chose some loser(huge criminal record) over her children, her house, her dog, her lifestyle everything. Im so confused do I help her, do I let her come back or should I let her be to suffer, she has put me through hell twice in the last 5 years, ruined a buisness I had and now this . yet I have always been there for her. Do you think she is way to volatile to be with? Its hard raising three kids alone 2,6,and 8. Is this woman dangerous? I need third person perspective now!!!!


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

If it were me--- no way

You are the only one who can decide
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

BCC - Read your post as if you were an independent third party...What would you say?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

bcc, this is a great thread title, I find your story quite motivating for me.

As to your situation with her, she has a lot of damage that only she has the power to overcome. She has exploited your love for her repeatedly, maybe this time she won't revert to that, but why does this now have to be your risk to accept, it's all on her.

If you want to do the bare minimum to get her pointed to the professionals I'd think that would be somewhat noble and decent, but her goal shouldn't be at all about getting her old life back (because that ended up as sh1t for you), her goal should be to check herself into life.

Keep doing what you are doing, stepping up for your kids, being constantly on guard for her attempts to interject and steal your exploits. Even though others will tell you that it's all on you to decide (which it is), this woman has seriously messed up and made bad choices over and over at your expense, the damage is extreme, and most sane people would write off the loss (just my humble opinion)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Often it's a good idea to help the mother of your children even if you do not get back together with her. She might have partial custody of your children some day.

But she seems to be in need of a lot of help and you have your hands full raising children by yourself.

Is there someone else who can help her? Is there a friend or family member?

Have you filed for divorce? You might want to do that now to make sure you get 100% custody and she only gets supervised visitation. You will need to move fast before she puts on a good show.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

She almost destroyed you completely and will most likely do it again. 

Your future is not with her. 

Take care of the kids. Continue your own healing. 

This is not cold or mean, it is self preservation. 

This woman is toxic to you. 

Do not and i mean do NOT consider getting back with her. It will destroy you. You deserve better.


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## ilou (Oct 25, 2012)

bcc said:


> ...*I put kids in car and all I could smell was marijuana...
> 
> She denied being with him and denied the smell... she finally admitted it.
> 
> ...


What's there to second guess about? Of course go back with her! 

It's instinct to get away from the source of the pain. In this case you wouldn't be wrong to do so. Good luck BCC


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Nothing wrong with offering the mother of your children emotional support during her recovery.
I would not let her home until she's clean. This is to protect your children, which has to be your first priority. There doesn't seem to be anyway to work on a relationship while she is in the middle of her own life-crisis. If she is serious about getting her old life back, she has to do this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

No way should you get back together with her!! Being there for her does not mean being her husband. You can be there for her without allowing her to invade your life and hurt you again. Because you know she will.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

OK so now someone tells me my childrens picture is on this guys (the criminal) FB page, so i ask my wife to remove it If you saw his FB it is unbelievable shows drugs, guns, porn, everything you dont want your kids to be near. HE text me back calling me a f***ing a**h*** and all kinds of sh** almost threats. He then changes his FB screen name to my name plus "is a fa**ot". She says she copy and pasted the message from him to me but she lies, she could have forwarded it and it would have said FWD.Its obvious he was sitting right there with her even though she said she is not talking to him. So now Im pi**ed. Then my 8 year old who already has emotional problems ends up in a psychiatric hospital because she is threatening to hurt herself. Now she is out and I meet with mother again, she says she thought things were going good between us and that eventually maybe would have gotten back together, WTF. I said she needs to live her own life and I will live mine and that I would meet her at a neutral place for supervised visits with kids. Then she starts the same cr*p that somehow this is my fault and gets up and leaves . I cant keep going through this torment with her, the kids hold that string between us but I dont care to ever see her again how am i going to keep facing this woman??? What would possibly possess someone to suddenly change from a PTA mother to shacking up with a drug dealer, does it sound like drugs ? I mean this is unbelievable and now he is antagonizing me.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

You need to involve child protection on her and get full custody...she should only have supervised visits...as for fb...you need to hit the 'report' buttons...and email them...my understanding is they are pretty good at taking that kind of stuff down...'so I hear'...about bullying and such... 

Dude...take action...fast.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Document this all, screen captures, get your lawyer and fight tooth and nail to have them completely removed from visitation with her - she is not only not protecting her children she is putting them right in harms way. Have your lawyer seek legal means to force him to remove the defamatory material down. And do whatever you can to get her completely out of your life for good.

It's tough but you will come out cleaner in the end, single parenthood is no easy job (I image as I extrapolate it from my shared custody situation) but you are more than capable of being all the parent your kids need.

As to her glitch? Who knows, MLC, drug addictions... not your problem to figure out and you will never get a satisfactory answer to that question. Put those memories and thoughts away to where you don't have to see them all the time (actually visualize putting them away in a big old steel lock box in the attic).

And if you are feeling compelled to play along with the asshat's antics, don't even bother just make up your own antics instead, where he gets no satisfaction and nothing he does even phases you, because he is scum.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> You need to involve child protection on her and get full custody...she should only have supervised visits...*as for fb...you need to hit the 'report' buttons...and email them...my understanding is they are pretty good at taking that kind of stuff down...'so I hear'...about bullying and such...*
> 
> Dude...take action...fast.


Yes, report FB, no need for a lawyer even, disregard that part of my last post.

My ex actually made a FB page under my son's name (basically so she could still have access to my family and friends without them having to see the tawdry stuff she wanted to put on her own FB). I reported it and said as legal guardian, and him being under the age of 13, I did not approve and they took it down right away. My son didn't even know what a FB was.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Bill -- thanks for posting this thread! Lon is right -- document, document, document, and don't engage the guy at all. 

She has way too many problems that go back way too far for you to get pulled back into them all. You nearly lost your life not that long ago, Bill. And her choices were a big part of that.

She needs all kinds of professional help, but you are not the one who needs to provide it for her. She can pick up the phone and call people. She needs to reach out for help the way you did. And then she has to do the hard work. She is not stable enough for even partial custody, so like everyone here has already said, go for total now. 

I'm sure you still feel compassion for this person you once loved. But do not forget that her problems did not just start recently. She stole from your business before. This is not new for her. 

She is toxic -- and as your kids' only healthy parent, you need to keep them safe from her until you know she won't put them in danger.


But aside from all that -- it is REALLY good to see you again, Bill, doing better.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

hello to all my friends here, my wife seems to be on the road to recovery although still in heavy denial. She was going to take me back to court with her lawyer this time she was unable to pay him a full retainer and this would cost me another 1050 for mine to show up I decided I need to draw the line. I called her and told her we needed to talk. I dropped my litigation and she dropped hers. The boyfriend seems to be gone. I decided to give her a chance and let her start taking the kids. I cant keep going through these expensive battles for what. Im having trouble raising 3 kids on my own. My 8yr old is back in the hospital (psychiatric) and she is a mess. Im so depressed. Im going to lose the house soon and will have no where to go. Im thinking of dumping buisness and moving out of state. I wish things could be like the way they were but better. My wife still seems to be in denial about what happened and that bothers me but she seems more stable. I dont know what to do and where to go but I feel im losing it with everything. One thing about my wife is that she doesnt talk about how she feels, never has and I dont believe she ever will but I feel like im in a hole again and not sure where to go?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hi, Bill. I'm sorry to hear that things have taken a downturn again, especially with your 8 year old. Are you in any kind of marriage or family or individual counseling? There's been a lot going on these last few months for any of you to try dealing on your own. Unfortunately, her denial is going to prevent any real healing from taking place. She needs a breakthrough before there will be any real change, and that includes as a mom. She put her children in danger before and there's nothing to show that she won't do it again if another guy comes along.

I can't imagine how tough it is to try raising 3 kids on your own, Bill -- I'm only trying with one, and his dad is still very involved, and it's still a big adjustment. What was she taking you to court for, visitation? I assume you're discussing this with your daughter's doctor, too. 

If you dump your business and go out of state, what are your plans then? Opening another shop somewhere else? That's a pretty big step to take, but I understand that it may be necessary if things are tough where you're at. You will have to make sure you'll be going to a place where your kids will get health insurance -- and not all state programs cover mental health treatment. And if your daughter has established a relationship with a doctor and/or a treatment program, stability might be the most important thing for her right now. I know you want to do the right thing by her. To be so little and be dealing with so much...my heart just hurts for her. How are your other kids doing?

Keep posting so that we know how you are, and maybe someone here will have some ideas for you. But you know we care and want the best for you and your family, Bill.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Hi angel, good too hear from you, she was taking me to court for custody again last time she went by herself, i think she was thinking that her attorney would solve all the problems, which they do not. She was denied the motion a month ago!!!!! I feel like i need to do something rash, move, start new career or something, change the scenery but is this the right move right now? Should I really allow her to move back in, seems like I might be jumping the gun


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Oh, no, no, no -- letting her move in right now is not the right idea!! It's too soon after her situation with the drugged-up boyfriend, especially if she's not taking any responsibility for that. It's doomed to fail at this point, and the in-and-out isn't good for you and especially for the kids. Just the fact that she thinks she has a right to go for custody after everything shows she's just not stable (among other things). 

However -- she does still have parental rights, unless she relinquishes them, so if you move out of state, she could file to get the kids part of the year, so you would actually be hurting your situation. She'd be with them, and you'd be far away with no way to check on what's going on. 

So while I understand the desire to get away from her crazy and start over, it could conceivably make your situation worse. For the time being, you can have some control over how often and where and when she sees the kids, you know you have medical care for your 8-year-old, etc. If you're serious about moving, slow down and start researching it. Find out what that would do visitation, what your rights and hers are, research where you would go, etc. Make a well-informed plan rather than running away. The last thing you want to do is make your situation even worse.

Fight the urge to act out of desperation, Bill. And again, DON'T let her move back in. BAD IDEA!!


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Your so insightful angel, thank you, i do feel like i am acting out of desperation and im so depressed which makes things worse, i feel like im running out of money, my shop isnt doing well because im not there and i cant afford all this childcare. I keep thinking about why I would want her to move back but it seems to come back to the kids, i mean, if we didnt have kids I would have said goodbye a long time ago.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Are any programs that you qualify for that could give you a subsidy for childcare or a sliding fee based on income? If you can show that your business is not doing well lately, and you are caring for 3 kids yourself, I would think you could qualify for something.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Ill check into that angel I think I need to work on getting out of this depression ive fallen into I feel like things are moving so slow in life now, before it was so fast working, playing w kids, thinking about future, now its just day after day. Worrying about one day to the next. You remember where I was 4 months ago, you helped me get through it. Here I am today, damaged, jilted. My whole life crumbled like a tower all because she "had a midlife crisis". Ive never seen a midlife crisis that was like that. Where do I go from here, is the rest of my life going to be a struggle?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

It could very well be pretty tough for a while, Bill. I won't lie to you. But it will pass. You just have to slog through it and do the best you can. You've been through a lot. 

A lot of us feel like we're really damaged after going through a break-up. But we also have learned a lot, and we can take that and do things differently and better from that point forward.

She's demonstrated to you multiple times that she can't be trusted. And that includes as a mom. You can't be sure she won't put your kids into a dangerous situation again. She's not owning her part in this, so you need to be the stable one. Are you seeing someone/taking something for your depression? It is certainly natural that you might need some help through this.

Tackle one thing at a time. Maybe tomorrow is your day to look into child care help. Then when that's done, you can look into something else. It can seem overwhelming when you tackle a whole mountain at once. It's a little better when you can do it one rock at a time. 

I need to run out to do a few errands, so if you post and I don't answer for a while, that's why.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bill,

If you don't protect yourself, you'll have nothing to give to your kids.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

You're in a hole but if you let this woman back into your life the hole will just get deeper.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

bcc said:


> Ill check into that angel I think I need to work on getting out of this depression ive fallen into I feel like things are moving so slow in life now, before it was so fast working, playing w kids, thinking about future, now its just day after day. Worrying about one day to the next. You remember where I was 4 months ago, you helped me get through it. Here I am today, damaged, jilted. My whole life crumbled like a tower all because she "had a midlife crisis". Ive never seen a midlife crisis that was like that. Where do I go from here, is the rest of my life going to be a struggle?


hey bcc, sounds like you are on the same roller coaster I'm on. It has slowed considerably for me, keeps feeling like it will start going up soon but I'm still on the ground, lol. Worst case is we get out and push it back to the platform and ride it again, because that is life and it can be sorta fun.

And I think my analogy is pretty true, I went tobogganing with my son again last weekend, and we start at the bottom and trudge up and its tiring and boring... then at the top I just hop on the little orange plastic disk I got him (he uses his GT Snow racer) and we race to the bottom and the disk flies, I use my hands as outriggers to point down the hill and it is wicked every time over and over again. I never seem to get bored of sliding down a freezing cold hill covered in icy bumps. we only stop when our fingers start to hurt from the cold. My son outlasts me every time, but then sometimes his fingers hurt as they begin to warm up (that's when I know we went too hardcore).


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Bill, what did your lawyer say about moving out of state?

Where is your family / her family? Do you have any support?

DO NOT let her move back in, please. It's too soon. I know you are tempted to for some practical reasons, but think about how it could further traumatize your 8 year old.

I hope you have a restraining order on posOM - didn't read your full thread.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Here I am again and this ride has taken so many turns and I wont be able to tell you why I make some of my decisions but Im truly living on a prayer and a hunch. It might be helpful to some and hurtful to others but educational to all. After we dropped the lawyers my daughter still remained at the hospital. My wife and I took a day off to go see her and the poor little thing was having such a hard time it was breaking my heart. if you read my last posts I was running out of steam from everything , exhausted. After seeing her my wife and I went to eat and talk. Well that turned into a physical meeting yes a romantically physical meeting, dont ask. And the next thing you know i pulled my daughter out of the hospital and we are all on our way to disneyworld , wife included. Spent a week there as a family and my kids were so happy and it was so good to see them (wife included) happy. We returned home and my wife has not left the house and I did not ask her to leave. She wants to stay. The first night we got back my 8 year old asked me if mommy was staying and I said she was. She looked at me with the biggest smile and squeezed her fist and yelled YES!!!! She then said "can she babysit us tomorrow" and I said she is living here and she screamed yes again. Its only been a few days but she is a different kid, everyone is different. I cant explain why I went this direction, it goes against all common sense, ultimately I made the decision. My wife is returning to being a mother again I have been watching closely. She does love her children its clear. She said she has so much fear and guilt and shame to deal with, has no idea why she did what she did and I believe that, (it wasnt consistent with her normal M.O.) There is definitely something wrong there!! I may never know. Its true , all of it, everything you all have read in my whole story. Will I ever be able to trust her, no. Will she do something crazy again, yes, it may be years like it has been. Will I ever truly be happily married, no. Are my kids happy, yes. What would you do for your kids? We are all a family again, please keep us in your prayers


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

It's so funny that you posted today, Bill. I was looking for another thread in my subscribed list today, and I ran across yours. I was going to post tonight and ask how you're doing. 

Wow, what a roller coaster ride, indeed! I understand that you want to do everything for your kids, especially your 8 y.o. Is your wife agreeing to see a therapist? For everyone's sake, it's really important that she does. It wouldn't be fair at all to any of your kids, but especially the one who's been hospitalized to have this fall apart again. 

It might not be easy for her to face things, but she's the grown up and the mom, she needs to do it for her kids if not for herself. I hope she does.

And I hope that things will work out for all of you. I'm so glad you had a great family time in Disneyworld. ((hugs))


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

well we have been back together for a week an she says she doent want to be married now im really trapped, i cant leave because of kids I dont trust her but she says we can live together and have seperate lives how can this work? My kids think everthing is fine but this is no true I guess there is too much damage in the past and here am heartbroken again and what abut my kids??Help


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

It's admirable that you want to help her. But you have to do things in the right order.

First she has to address her issues, then she can get closer to you and the kids.

She is never going to address her issues BY getting closer to you and the kids. That is just a band-aid to make her feel better temporarily but won't solve any of here problems. It'll only stop her trying to address her issues. And it will just bring those problems into your family home and dump them on your kids.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Bill -- You are right, you can't leave your kids with her and move out. You owe it to your eldest daughter, especially, to be there. You technically can, of course, live together without being married. Nobody will stop you. For the short run, it might help you to stay with your kids (if she won't move out), without having to legally mingle all of your finances again. Please remind me -- who owns the house? Is it in joint ownership, or in just one of your names? 

It is a precarious position you are in. Living in the same house, but not together is really difficult, I did it for about 7 months before I moved out. My situation was slightly different in that my ex was telling me during that time that he wanted to try. When I finally looked at his actions instead of listening to him, I realized it wasn't true and I left. But that's not your situation.

I would not leave the kids alone with her. She is again showing she is not stable in any decision she's making. If she doesn't want to stay married, then she needs to leave the family home. A good deal of that damage you speak of has to do with her money issues from way back that almost cost you your business, then also the most recent things going back to this fall and winter. She really needs to be on her own, and in deep therapy, Bill. 

It seems it would be best for you to be able to move her out and keep your girls at home with you, and create as stable an environment as you can for them. Do you think that's possible?


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

well here we go again she told me on sunday she doesnt feel the same living in the house with me and didnt want to be married, so on monday i really just didnt talk to her. Then tuesday she said she was going to a therapist and said we should just be happily married because she was upset that i didnt talk to her on monday, then told me she was ready for the "nuthouse" she went to a new therapist and hated her. She called me and asked me to meet her for drinks, I went and we had fun. Here she then tells me while we were seperated she was with another girl!!!! wtf she said she really tapped in the head i agreed, we went home and were intimate and it was nice. Next day different person and its been that way since. I cant keep riding this rollercoaster with her and what is wrong with her i dont understand her. I dont know what to do and i dont know whether I should plan to move on for the future and what about the kids. Im so distressed. And what is wrong with this woman she seems to have really gone crazy but why??? Im at my wits end?? Any ideas


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

well sunday she tried to flee the family and left a note saying she hates herself and cant be a wife or a mother and she is not right in the head, she had packed her stuff, i took her to hospital and they sectioned her. She was acting real crazy, i stayed with her everyday but she keeps pushing me away. although telling me she loves me. Then her friend text me saying that I have been a mealticket to her and she has wanted to leave me for a long time which really hurt me. Im back alone with kids now and still want to be a family with her what the f**ck is the matter with me. She has been sectioned 3 times this year and put my children at risk, has repeatably lied to me, endangered my kids, goes thru my phone, steals my money, ruined my business before and now im probably going to ruin my new business cause i cant work taking care of kids. Has cheated on me and I continue to try to make this work, is it time to just call it quits? what am i doing to myself?


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Yes its time to call it quits youre fvckin a right its about 20 minutes past that time, bud. 
You dont need to do this to yourself and your kids godda!m sure dont need to have it in their lives. 
Think about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Bill -- Yes, you need to call it quits, and on top of that, you need to get help for yourself. You are severely enmeshed with her, and it's obviously difficult for you to detach from her on your own. I'm sorry that it is coming to this. If she is ill, it's not her fault, per se, but it's up to her to get and follow-through on treatment. You can't do that for her. 

You *have* to think about yourself and the kids. You are basically the only stable parent they have, so you need to be healthy. I know you hate seeing your wife go through this, but she made choices along the line that are affecting all of you.

But this brings up another issue. She should not have legal access to any accounts or anything anymore. Are you divorced? If not, you might have to at this point in order to get the help you need such as benefits for your kids, etc. There's no point in waiting til things get too out of control -- you losing your business, etc. You're in MA, right? In most areas, calling 211 will get you to the United Way's hotline and maybe someone there can help you locate local services. Sometimes even churches will have people that will help you fill out forms, etc. 

Take some action on your own behalf, Bill. You have poured everything into her. Once you start taking some control of your life back, you will start to feel better and stronger again. I saw you do it before. You were doing great!! You can do it again. Just start taking those steps.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Yes I do believe it is time im gathering the strength inside me and i know its not going to be easier, angel i saw my counselor today and she said its time to put wife aside and concentrate on the kids and the buisness. I have to start thinking in terms without her and to move on. Im scared please support me, she has been calling me all day from the hospital like 20 times but i cant answer now im not in the right frame of mind


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Don't answer. I'm glad you're seeing a counselor, Bill. This won't be easy, but you will be able to get through this. Once you don't have to carry her and worry what she's going to do next, it will help a lot. You will still have to deal with her with the kids, but even there -- you may be able to find a program where you two don't have to deal with each other, and perhaps she has to have supervised visits with the kids. 

It will be tough, but soon, you'll feel so much more free and strong. You can do it, Bill.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

angel i couldnt take it so i answered, she asked if i could bring her some stuff " cause im not getting out tomorrow" wtf 2 Days then says "you can pick me up on Tuesday to come home"


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Bill, when do you see your IC next? There has got to be a way that you can keep from bringing her back into your home. It's not doing you or your kids any good. I don't want you to be cruel to her, but she needs help that you aren't qualified or able to give her. You need help yourself. See if there is anyone at the hospital or anyone your IC knows who can help you with this. Does she have any family she can stay with? This isn't all on you.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Yes the court order is still in place legally so i dont have to let her in the home but I dont want to be cruel she has no family but her friend who is a bad influence she can stay with. so in a nutshell stealing , lying, cheating, endangering kids, drug dealer, lesbianism,( she had an affair with girl after drug dealer i found out) 3 sections to hospital and one major suicide attempt what do you think about this woman Im seeing dangerous waters ahead if i keep trying to be with her ive got to give up ive got too i need to let her go HELP!!!!!! i just feel so rejected in life 12 years with this person many good times three beautiful children


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

bcc said:


> Yes the court order is still in place legally so i dont have to let her in the home but I dont want to be cruel she has no family but her friend who is a bad influence she can stay with. so in a nutshell stealing , lying, cheating, endangering kids, drug dealer, lesbianism,( she had an affair with girl after drug dealer i found out) 3 sections to hospital and one major suicide attempt what do you think about this woman Im seeing dangerous waters ahead if i keep trying to be with her ive got to give up ive got too i need to let her go HELP!!!!!! i just feel so rejected in life 12 years with this person many good times three beautiful children


tough love here dude.
what do i think?
pull your head out of your ass and start thinking about your children. some people (like your wife apparently), they dont want to be helped, they dont want to change. they want to be the center.
kids.
kids.
kids.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

The good times are in the past, Bill. The present is tough, but it's on her. No, you don't want to be cruel, but *she* is forcing you to make a choice *now* and you must choose your kids. Every one of the things in that list you gave above were things she *chose* to do. 

I know you loved her, Bill, and you still care, but your kids don't have anyone, either. Except you. She is an adult. They need an adult. Be that adult for them. 

It is tough love, Bill, but it's the kind you need right now. We don't want to see you back where you were several months ago. Stand up for your self and your kids. You have to let her go.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Hello everyone , well there may be some headway here, my wife has been in the hospital for 8 days now and they finally did it YESSSSS diagnosed her with severe bipolar disorder. I was reading on this and this is a pretty scary disease. At least now it explains all of this crazy behavior but what for the future, paranoia, lying, suicide, crazy stuff with this disease, and what about the kids what am i gonna do, she is on 4 medications right now , i guess 50% of bipolar people dont think they have a problem and she is one of them. She wants to come home tuesday and be a family again, and then I found out that her friend actually provoked the argument with me and then called my wife in hospital and said I was running off with the Kids, so wife freaked out, nice friend huh?? what do I do from here ???


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Has anyone tried to make it work with a husband or wife with severe bipolar???


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

maybe I will move this the mental health forums at this point, im thinking that is the root cause of all this chaos ive been through


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

There are people on TAM who are bipolar, so yes, I think moving this to the mental health sub-forum might be a good idea. Or better yet, start a new thread there with a title that mentions what you're looking for, so the 'right' people have a better chance of spotting it.

Good luck, Bill. It can be done from what I've seen. I hope it works out for your family. A diagnosis is a great first step.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

well here I am back on this thread. I picked her up from the hospital on tuesday and she was my old wife, she told me how much she loved me and was flirting and talked about how we would move away. She held my hand in the car and I was so happy. Four hours later she began to decline and was never the same. Yesterday she said in front of my daughters counselor that she feels "toxic" and cannot be a mother or deal with kids or anything. Then she went out with her friends last night and didnt get home until 2am. WTF? This morning i asked her to leave. She started blaming me for talking to her about how this bipolar disorder may hurt the kids. She then said that "she sucks". She packed her stuff and left. I am here alone now with my three kids and heartbroken again like you all said. For four hours that tueday I was so happy and now im in tears, can someone help me feel better???? Did I do the right thing


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Yes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

She has to be in treatment, Bill, and it may take a while for the meds and therapy to level out her moods and behavior. But until then, for the sake of you and your kids, you did the right thing.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

To all, a week after I threw my wife out she begged to come home. She was desperate and virtually homeless. I allowed her to stay for a bit but she quickly grew closer to the family unlike before and she seems to be returning to her old self. It seems like we are almost complete again, I cannot explain the events of the last 6 months nor will I ever know. My kids are happy and in the end I guess thats all that matters, am I happy?, not yet but maybe someday. Im trying to be a better husband but i am a different person, definitely more hardened. She is taking her medication and I will watch. I did find out she had contact with that loser who moved into my home, just a month ago before she went into the hospital. But she still wasnt right then. Now she seems right so I feel its done with him. She is consistent now. Who Knows what the future holds, look what happened to me, I hope if you are just reading this for the first time you read my entire story its quite a story. angelpixie seems the only one who has been there from beginning to end, and special thanks to you angel but to all my new friends thank you I will check in in a couple of weeks. Till then signing off


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

walk cautiously, but do take care brother.


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