# What are your marriage boundries?



## Sa55ycla55y (Dec 10, 2013)

My husband and I are separated mostly because we never clearly defined what are the rules or boundaries. I am curious what others use or feel works. For example here are mine: 

I need us to be unplugged daily for a period of time and just talk. No tv, cell phones, computers, even if its just for 30 min. 

I need us to never go to bed alone if possible. We go together. We make time to cuddle and ask for it if we are craving it. 

If we are on a vacation that means no work period. Our anniversary, holidays birthdays are the families, not works. Work does not get to join our celebration. 

1.	All contact with female friends must be immediately terminated with me present. I need it to be known it was done and hear you tell her I am the only one. 
2.	We will not ride alone in a car with a person of the opposite sex unless they are family or the other one knows about it.
3.	We will not counsel someone of the opposite sex behind closed doors.
4.	No lunches or dinners one on one with the opposite sex.
5.	No one in the house of the opposite sex without the other knowing.
6.	Full disclosure of all passwords, emails, texts, etc. No secrets.
7.	Alternate chore and household responsibilities. Everything is done equally going forward. 
8.	Any travel plans will be agreed by both parties before any flights or arrangements are made. If you make the promise to be here, you stick to it no matter what. 
9.	We have a date night once a week no matter the cost or time. 
10.	We have a family night once a week where we do something as a family with no interruptions.
11.	We spend equal time with both sides of the family. I need to be able to see them just as much as we see yours.
12.	No conversations with others after 10pm of any gender.
13.	Always talk to your spouse FIRST before going to a friend or family member. 
14.	Do not put down your spouse in front of others.
15.	Only discuss relationship issues with spouse, therapist or same sex friends of marriage.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Some of the above seem a bit rigid for me. I really don't wanted to get cheated on again (never.ever.ever) but at the same time I don't think I could adhere to the above. OP not trying to provoke at all (obviously only you can decide your own boundaries) but the phone curfew and stuff seems like like you just want your spouse to be courteous to your needs when possible. It's a little specific for a lifetime commitment boundary. Just my two cents. 

On the other hand, I can see OP's reasoning behind the rules (cutting off inappropriate contact with the opposite sex before it even starts - can't deny, it makes sense.) Also love how clearly these are laid out. My ex and I rarely discussed boundaries either and it was a huge problem in our marriage. It didn't matter as he didn't adhere to them anyway! 

I would want:

-A signed prenuptial agreement drafted by my lawyer that we are both happy with. (He can have his own council, I just want mine to be in charge of creating/executing the document.) 

-No flirting with my friends or family members (Even in jest, that crap gets under my skin)

- No sexual contact with the OS. Non-dirty dancing, cheek kissing, etc is fine. 

-Shared bank account for shared bills but we still maintain our own separate accounts. We do share/review all bank/asset statements together. 

-No secrets that could harm or embarrass the other. 

-No guys/girls trips to places we'd like to visit together.

-No putting down spouse in front of others (stealing this!)

-Date night once a week no matter cost or time (stealing this too!)

-Continually develop, deepen, and explore our sexual relationship in an honest and respectful way. To me this perhaps means pushing boundaries but never breaking them.

-If we have children we love them tremendously but our partnership still comes first. 

-Pre-marriage counseling and marriage counseling whenever needed to clear up any resentment or issues we are unable to resolve on our own.

-Encourage each other's personal and professional growth 

-Support each other - but not depend on each other for needs we should be fulfilling for ourselves

-Keep ourselves active both mentally and physically. 

-Do charity work and be of service to our family, friends, and community as a team more often than not

-Be honest and compassionate in all our communication

-Treat the other person with dignity, respect, and kindness 95% of the time (we all have our bad days)

-When fighting - keep it fair. No screaming or unwarranted insults. 

-No physical violence, infidelity, or prolific lies. These are deal breakers.

-Take time to make the other persons day a little better whenever possible. 

-When in doubt, compliment each other. Be silly. Speak our minds. Try something new. Laugh! Have sex. 

-Edited cause I thought of one more: He has to be old-fashioned in the manners department: my car door held open, offers his arm when we enter a room, checks on what I'd like to eat/drink and orders, etc. I make an effort to look nice when I go out, and dammit, I want to be treated like a lady! 

This is a cool topic! Looking at that list makes me see what I hope to one day find in a partner.


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