# Rant...



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Does your wife have a friend she talks with on the phone about what a pric& she is married to? 

My wife has a friend she talks with frequently....The gist of many if not most of these conversations is what an a$$hole their respective husbands are.

The girlfriend says her husband wants too much sex, and mine complains about how I don't do enough around the house.....

I am going to vent a bit, so here I go.....I am 66 years old, and had a motorcycle accident in 1969 that left me with a severe limp....

Last June the temp was 96, when she decided she just HAD to have a 30 x 4 foot flower bed in the back yard.....

Tilled it up with the tiller, put down 15 bags of top soil, planted shrubs, put down 15 bags of mulch...Had to dig the holes for the shrubs with a post hole digger due to the drought....

She straw bossed the whole time, and constantly complained about how many breaks I took, etc...

I told her I didn't feel all that well, but to no avail....

Drove her 250 miles to sisters the next day, 5 hour drive (she refuses to drive on the interstate)...

When I got there I started having back pain spent night in agony, went to walk in clinic, found I had a kidney stone (dislodged by the post hole diggger).....

Urinary tract infection, and blood glucose of 365...It took 28 days of IV antibiotics, and prostate surgery to clear the infection.

I left the hospital on insulin. 

And when I want sex she says she resents me for not doing enough to help her around the house

Yea, I guess I did take a lot of breaks.....


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Did she hold a gun to your head when you planted her garden in that heat? Did she hold a knife to your neck when you dug the holes? Threaten you with bodily injury when you drove hundreds of miles on the interstate?

Learn how to say "no".

Saying "yes" isn't getting you anything anyway.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Did she hold a gun to your head when you planted her garden in that heat? Did she hold a knife to your neck when you dug the holes? Threaten you with bodily injury when you drove hundreds of miles on the interstate?
> 
> Learn how to say "no".
> 
> Saying "yes" isn't getting you anything anyway.


No, I have found that a full blown explosion followed by going MIA for a few hours will usually bring her into heat within 24 hours. 

Two days ago I was on the recieving end of a 3 hour sexathon brought about by a huge blowup the previous day....

I would much rather bring her to bed with sweet talk and gentle wooing, but a "THIS $HIT HAS TO STOP" encounter is the only thing that is working right now.....

I am starting to think she actually likes the drama, even though she says no.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I couldn't live like that. She likes the drama.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> No, I have found that a full blown explosion followed by going MIA for a few hours will usually bring her into heat within 24 hours.
> 
> Two days ago I was on the recieving end of a 3 hour sexathon brought about by a huge blowup the previous day....
> 
> ...


Clearly the drama turns her on.

As for the friend thing, I have a few "associates" that sit around and diss their husbands. I was told that I come off as having the perfect marriage, just because I don't sit around and complaine about my H. Not to say I don't vent to a select few when needed. I'm just careful about what I say.

Never understood that mentality, if I complain about him all the time it's like I start to get upset about stuff instead of letting it go.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

A woman at work always talked crap on her husband. Every lunch period would be her mouth runnin about what an idiot he was. finally, one day, I looked at her, interrupted and said, "Well, you picked him."

If you have to talk trash about the man/woman you love, if that person is SUCH a moron/idiot...then what does that say about you? gawd. Stfu. So tasteless in my eyes.

Your wife seems to just use this drama for the passion it brings. don't feed into it...maybe it will stop.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Your only mistake was after driving her the 250 miles, you should have dropped her off and turned right around for home. 

We teach people how to treat us. As was less bluntly noted by posters above, your tolerance/acceptance of her behavior is a part of the problem

Good luck


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> Does your wife have a friend she talks with on the phone about what a pric& she is married to?


If my wife was on the phone yapping to friends about what a pric*k I was, she wouldn't be my wife.



Woodchuck said:


> My wife has a friend she talks with frequently....The gist of many if not most of these conversations is what an a$$hole their respective husbands are.
> 
> The girlfriend says her husband wants too much sex, and mine complains about how I don't do enough around the house.....
> 
> ...


And after reading this, I see she shouldn't be your wife either.

Get a divorce.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't subscribe to the do less mantra. You sound like a great man OP and if it is who you are to be a giver then don't change who you are.

Your wife on the other hand is a taker, a user.

Life is short, don't waste it on a person that does not love and respect you.


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## crespjason (Nov 20, 2012)

Threaten you with bodily injury when you drove hundreds of miles on the interstate


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for 46 years, and we both have our faults, but she is a wonderful person. She has had my back through thick and thin, and I love her dearly.....

She just has this quirk where she equates how much physical labor I do for her with how much I love her....

If I am not willing to work till I drop, I am just being LAZY....And that is a cardinal sin in her book......

It's not like I sit on my a$$ all day, I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking......Take care of my dad, and drive her to her doctors appointments 3-4 times a month......

We have a big yard, and I cut all the grass. I stipulated that if she wanted flower beds she would have to mow around them with a push mower, and she does...(like I said before I have a bum leg)...

This week, I did *ALL* the grocery shopping for the hollidays. We are having family in, and I am going to smoke a turkey along with the one we do in the oven......

I fixed dinner tonight, and she did the cleanup. Tomorrow I will make the cornbread for the stuffing, make 5 pounds of potatos into potato salad, chop all the fixings for the dressing, do all the hand mixing, and get the smoker ready for the next day etc...

She will bake 3 pumpkin pies, and do the prep work for the deserts and side dishes, she will do all the cleanup...... 

Thanksgiving day I will get up at 6:00 to put the turkey on the smoker.......Fix breakfast for my dad (he is 96, lives with us and I am his primary caregiver), and help her get the big turkey into the oven. She will do the side dishes......after dinner she will do most of the cleanup.....

Sure the cleanup is tough, but It is not like I sit like a lump in front of the big screen.....but when she sees me on my laptop, I get the stink eye...I tell her that if she wants me to do more chores, make me a list of what she wants done. 

I do this because if I don't have a list of chores they will have no end, and I like to know when I am finished.... She is infuriated when I ask for a list for that reason.

She is a perfectionist when it comes to housekeeping, and fusses way too much, she does all the laundry, and makes the beds every day. But when I offered to help, but she says I would not do things well enough........ 

I have never criticised her housekeeping, and am always telling her to take it easy and rest more. 

Currently this is the biggest cause of conflict in our marriage.... 

Sure, I guess I could do more, but I honestly ladies, would you be satisfied with this kind of help from your husband?

I think I do more than lots of husbands, and for sure more than her girlfriends old man, who spends half of his time on hunting and fishing trips.....I retired July 2011 and have gone fishing (day trip) 4-5 times since then....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Your wife is selfish and a nag.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Holland said:


> I don't subscribe to the do less mantra. You sound like a great man OP and if it is who you are to be a giver then don't change who you are.
> 
> Your wife on the other hand is a taker, a user.
> 
> Life is short, don't waste it on a person that does not love and respect you.


Well some people who take and take and take really just want to be put in their place. What they really want is a strong partner that won't put up with this sort of BS.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

east2west said:


> Well some people who take and take and take really just want to be put in their place. What they really want is a strong partner that won't put up with this sort of BS.


So she can justify her horrible behaviour yet the man that is actually being a decent person is the bad guy?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> My wife and I have been married for 46 years, and we both have our faults, but she is a wonderful person.


Nothing you're describing about this woman suggest "wonderful person".

Unless you have a radically different definition of "wonderful" that I'm not aware of.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Talk about mood swings, went into her room last night, lay down beside her and gave her a long back rub...She started pulling her bottoms off, indicating I should rub lower, wound up making out like teen agers, and having great sex.......

Woke up this morning feeling like a newlywed, started to test my blood suger...She had cleaned off my nightstand, and the lancet was missing....I asked her where it was, and we were off to the races....

I told her not to worry, I would buy a new one, but she went off about me accusing her of loosing it....It had been there for 10 weeks without walking off by its self!!!

Went into the kitchen and got breakfast ready for dad, made corn bread, chopped onions celery, green onions, bell pepper, sweet pickles, and peeled and chopped a dozen boiled eggs...

She had boiled the potatos, turkey giblets for the broth, and the eggs....She baked 3 pumpkin pies with frozen pie shells...

I made the potato salad, and cornbread stuffing. Now I have to feed dad his lunch, and get the smoker ready to do a 20 lb. turkey in the morning.

The whole time she filled the air with a steady stream of negativity about tomorrows company, what a downer the hollidays were, and how I had ruined her with overwork throught our marriage.

Then she put the potato salad and the stuffing in the fridge, cleaned up the work area, made a few cracks about how I would probably spend the rest of the say on the computer, and went for a lie down in her bedroom.......

Ya know somehow turkey day is starting to loose it's sparkle for me too...

Let me say in her defense, she has gone through a horrible three years during wich 2 of her sisters came down with cancer, and eventually died...The last one in August.

The constant phone calls from her family (we live 250 miles away) took a horrible physical and mental toll on her.....

She would talk for hours with her dying sister, and then get more hours of blow by blow details from her other relatives...

Two weeks before her death her sister was physically assaulted by her drug addict son trying to get her car keys so he could sell it for dope...

This was all conveyed to my wife in graphic detail by her family, like she could do something to make it stop from 250 miles away...

I know I can't bring her sisters back, but I am always here for her, and during their illnesses offered to drive her up there any time she wanted....When we went there I would sit up overnight in her sisters hospital room so the family could catch a break and get some rest....

I had feelings for both her sisters, and they liked it when I sat up with them, and the rest of the family was glad for a break....

So, maby I am a lazy pric$ but I do have a heart, and try to make life easier for others. 

Got to get off now, It's time for dads lunch....


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> She had cleaned off my nightstand, and the lancet was missing....I asked her where it was, and we were off to the races.....


She took your lancet?

Wow! Never thought anyone would stoop so low as to steal someone else's lancet.

One question..

What's a lancet?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> She took your lancet?
> 
> Wow! Never thought anyone would stoop so low as to steal someone else's lancet.
> 
> ...


Well, if you are diabetic, it's that little thing you stab into your flesh 4 times a day to draw enough blood to test your blood glucose.......

And no she didn't steal it, she just has no respect for my things, and pays absolutely no attention to where she tosses them......

I am constantly telling her "If you don't know what something is, don't move it.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> And no she didn't steal it, she just has no respect for my things, and pays absolutely no attention to where she tosses them....


I googled it.

It's a small sharp surgical tool designed for making incisions in the human body.

Maybe she took it for more sinister purposes?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Holland said:


> So she can justify her horrible behaviour yet the man that is actually being a decent person is the bad guy?


No. She is not owed him doing things for her? She has no right to them and him doing them is by his choice. 

By stopping these actions, he is aligning his actions with his words. Right now he is teaching her that if she treats him badly, he will do nice things for her. He is also communicating that although he says he does not like when she acts this way, he really is fine with it because nothing he does actually changes. There is a reason for the saying "actions speak louder than words."

Finally, stepping back helps avoid resentment, which is pretty prevelant in the OP. He does this work and sounds pretty resentful over how he is treated. By stepping back, he can restore a bit of balance in the relationship.

The key is being honest about why you are not doing the things.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> Let me say in her defense, she has gone through a horrible three years during wich 2 of her sisters came down with cancer, and eventually died...The last one in August.
> 
> The constant phone calls from her family (we live 250 miles away) took a horrible physical and mental toll on her.....
> 
> ...


In the span of five years I lost my father to a massive stroke, my oldest brother was murdered, my mother died suddenly from a deep vein thrombosis, and all three of my family pets died.

All this by the time I was 30 years old. 

And never did I even remotely treat my girlfriend/fiance/wife the way you're being treated.

There is no defense for this woman. You sound like a chronically abused spouse. On one hand you lay out how awful this person is to you, and on the next you're offering defense and telling us how wonderful she is.

She might be wonderful, but she's not wonderful to you.

What exactly is it that you want to happen in your marriage?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> No. She is not owed him doing things for her? She has no right to them and him doing them is by his choice.
> 
> By stopping these actions, he is aligning his actions with his words. Right now he is teaching her that if she treats him badly, he will do nice things for her. He is also communicating that although he says he does not like when she acts this way, he really is fine with it because nothing he does actually changes. There is a reason for the saying "actions speak louder than words."
> 
> ...


Yes I understand what you are saying and what is said here day after day. What I mean is that she can be a horrible person but people don't say she has to take responsibility for that.
On the other hand he is doing lots of good things yet he is the one that has to change who he is.

If I had to pull back from doing things for my spouse (which I do because I love him) in order for him to be more respectful then it would not feel like a healthy situation at all.

The wife in the OP sounds nasty. Just the first issue of *****ing about him to a friend all the time should be a huge wake up call.
This woman is not a good or decent person.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Holland said:


> Yes I understand what you are saying and what is said here day after day. What I mean is that she can be a horrible person but people don't say she has to take responsibility for that.
> On the other hand he is doing lots of good things yet he is the one that has to change who he is.
> 
> If I had to pull back from doing things for my spouse (which I do because I love him) in order for him to be more respectful then it would not feel like a healthy situation at all.
> ...


We had a talk this afternoon, and my wife tearfully said she can't go on living like this...I told her I knew she was suffering and was there for her. She is taking large doses of gambapentin, and I feel much of her behavior is due to the drug, especially the rages. 

She went to lie down, and her brother called...She basically raised him, and he lived with us through highschool.....

The rotten motherxxxxxx brought up the sisters memorial service so he could cry on her shoulder....By the time I got to her bedroom she was crying uncontrollably....The bastaxxs wont leave her alone long enough to heal....

I got her settled, and she said she is going to get an appointment to see a counselor next week. We had a few good moments, and I went out to the kitchen to give dad his dinner...Then her sister called....Can't catch a break......


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Counselling is a good step woodchuck.

Can you do something about the phone calls? If they are triggering moods with her then it is toxic to you all.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

jaquen said:


> In the span of five years I lost my father to a massive stroke, my oldest brother was murdered, my mother died suddenly from a deep vein thrombosis, and all three of my family pets died.
> 
> All this by the time I was 30 years old.
> 
> ...


I know how you feel, back in 1997 I lost my mother, and my only child a month apart, then lost my job of 20 years, then our cat died, and we had to sell our house and move.....

Sometimes life seems to pile up on us. Odly, my wife was in menopause and still came through that period much better than the recent loss of her sister. She says she was working so hard trying to lift up her sister that she lost track of the fact that she was dying....

She says that is why her death was such a blow. I think a lot of it was the horrible life her sister had......At most funerals, people can talk about the good times. Her sister had no good times to talk about.....

Their father was an alcoholic who never took care of the family. The mother was first generatiion in America from Armenian parents. She was never sent to school because she was needed to interpret english for the parents...

The mother has 13 kids, 6 survived to adulthood. Two children were taken at an eaely age by well meaning relatives....

My wifes and her sisters were raised in slums and public housing.

Her sister was taken off the street by a gangser at 13 to be a prostitute. He decided to keep her for himself and they were married when she was 15.

Over the years she had 5 kids, and her husband graduated into being a drug kingpin. During that time the husband started at least 2 other concurrent families.

Things were good till he got busted and served 20 years in the federal pen.

She was thrown into the streets, destitute, and scratched for a living till her death last August.

I am hoping my wife can quit taking the drugs she is on, get some counseling, and get back to the woman I have loved for 47years. I have no other alternative.....


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Holland said:


> Counselling is a good step woodchuck.
> 
> Can you do something about the phone calls? If they are triggering moods with her then it is toxic to you all.


She gets frantic when I threaten to confront her family about the calls. Her brother has a chronic neuropathy, and she says he couldn't stand it...I raised him, and he looks upon me as a father, but he is a weak person, all macho, but no guts....

I am at a loss about the calls. When her sister was sick we got a call at 2:00 AM saying she had had emergency surgery, and was in intractable pain, and what should they do.....

What the hell could they expect my wife to do 250 miles away??? All they wanted to do was share their misery.....


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Holland said:


> So she can justify her horrible behaviour yet the man that is actually being a decent person is the bad guy?


I didn't say he was a bad guy. His actions and intentions are that of a good guy. However, you have to defend your boundaries in a relationship and if fail to do that then you are you a doormat. Women will rarely want to bang a doormat husband. It is unsexy.

It's not about good or bad, right or wrong. It's about being attractive to your spouse and getting laid.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

east2west said:


> I didn't say he was a bad guy. His actions and intentions are that of a good guy. However, you have to defend your boundaries in a relationship and if fail to do that then you are you a doormat. Women will rarely want to bang a doormat husband. It is unsexy.
> 
> I*t's not about good or bad, right or wrong. It's about being attractive to your spouse and getting laid*.


And the flip side is that what she is doing is very unattractive. Why would anyone want to get laid by a person like that? Or is this only about sex and not about people behaving in a respectful way?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Thanksgiving was great, got up ar 6:00 AM and put a 20 lb turkey on the smoker. Got breakfast for me and dad (I don't fix breakfast for the wife because she sleeps in, or pushes what I make away and fixes something else.) 

Step son, his gf, her 3 kids, and 2 grand kids came for dinner. The smoked turkey was a hit, the gf helped clean up, and the whole day went smoothly. Next morning same old same old, fixed breakfast foe me and dad, she ccame in and ate, and went back to bed. 

Went in about 10:00, lay down next to her, put my arm around and cuddled her breast....She jumped away and said DONT!! I moved my hand, rubbed her back a little, and got up to go back in the livingroom. She said "I guess you're leaving because I won't let you play with my tits"....I said no, and walked out...

The step son came over for lunch with the gf and 1 kid, and left at about 2:00. While they were there, the wife was all talking, laughing, having a good time... The wife went back to bed as soon as they left, , said she was comin down with something, and hurt all over.....

This morning, ****ing about everything, went out in the garage after brealfest, piling up my dads things that she dosn't want for the trash. Getting out Christmas decorations...I asked her what happened to her being sick, said she was just fine today...

(Of course with all the garage work she will be too worn our for anything this evening).

P.S. All we got when her father died was the bill for his headstone, on top of which, I raised her brother, and kept her sister through highschool...Moved her mother to our town when her home was broken into, kept her nephiew for a year when he deserted from the navy, 

I married her as a single mom with an 18 m.o. child. She had fallen for a bum who waited till she turned 18, then knocked her up, and dumped her. I raised the boy as my own, and he is a good man. 

Her whole family thinks I am a hell of a guy, People I worked with over the years still keep in touch, at the annual employees dinner of a place I worked, people crown around and tell her what a great co worker I was, Her son, my step son would take a bullet for me without a flinch She is the only one who considers me an a$$hole..........

Right now we are keeping my dad. He is 96 years old and stinking rich....Half of everything is already in my name pending his death......

I will inherit several hundred thousand dollars, on top of substantial 401K's of my own.........

Should I just divorce her now, so she will only get half of whats mine, and tell her if she changes her ways we can still live together as husband and wife, if not I am leaving on a world "SINGLES" cruise???


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jaquen said:


> In the span of five years I lost my father to a massive stroke, my oldest brother was murdered, my mother died suddenly from a deep vein thrombosis, and all three of my family pets died.
> 
> All this by the time I was 30 years old.
> 
> And never did I even remotely treat my girlfriend/fiance/wife the way you're being treated.


Absolutely true.

What you are seeing is her innate tendencies coming through more loudly and clearly in times of stress. She sees you as a problem or a necessary evil. And she lashes out at you when she's upset about something. When things are stressful her outward treatment of you is worse, but the underlying attitudes have always been there.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Holland said:


> Yes I understand what you are saying and what is said here day after day. What I mean is that she can be a horrible person but people don't say she has to take responsibility for that.
> On the other hand he is doing lots of good things yet he is the one that has to change who he is.


Well, that is because he is the one posting here. One thing I have learned is that I can't amke anyone doing anything. I can enforce boundaries, I can change my actions and I can speak up. But if the other person does not want to change, there is nothing I can do about it. 

So, since the OP is the one here asking for advice, I am giving him suggestions on things he can change to better and protect himself.



> If I had to pull back from doing things for my spouse (which I do because I love him) in order for him to be more respectful then it would not feel like a healthy situation at all.


I agree, but unfortunately, what they have appears to be unhealthy.

I would also add sometime we need to make sure that the relationship is balanced, and sometimes that means pulling back a bit, particularly if those nice things are not being appreciated. 



> The wife in the OP sounds nasty. Just the first issue of *****ing about him to a friend all the time should be a huge wake up call.
> This woman is not a good or decent person.


I agree with this. What I don't know is whether this is her true nature, or something that he has trained her, or some combination. So with his actions, he needs to not reward that behavior and see what happens. She may realize that she needs to be more respectful or she may continue to take it out on him. Either way, he gets information about how to proceed in the relationship.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

east2west said:


> I didn't say he was a bad guy. His actions and intentions are that of a good guy. However, you have to defend your boundaries in a relationship and if fail to do that then you are you a doormat. Women will rarely want to bang a doormat husband. It is unsexy.
> 
> It's not about good or bad, right or wrong. It's about being attractive to your spouse and getting laid.


While I liked your post, I disagree with the last paragraph int his case. It is about having self respect. The rest tends to naturally follow.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Woodchuck said:


> I know how you feel, back in 1997 I lost my mother, and my only child a month apart, then lost my job of 20 years, then our cat died, and we had to sell our house and move.....
> 
> Sometimes life seems to pile up on us. Odly, my wife was in menopause and still came through that period much better than the recent loss of her sister. She says she was working so hard trying to lift up her sister that she lost track of the fact that she was dying....
> 
> ...


I am reading a whole lot of excuses for her behavior, but very little of it is due to you. I expect you let alot go because things were rough for her, so why should she change. Serious question - why do you deserve to be treated like this and why do you excuse this behavior?

At some point, she needs to grow up and deal with these things. She is an adult. She is in control of her actions. She chooses to act this way. She chooses not to get help or try to fix it. She chooses to put you in misery rather than deal with it.

So what do you get out of this.

I would also recommend seeing a lawyer and figuring out how to protect the inheritance, such as a trust for your kids or yourself. Immediate divorce may not be necessary, though you do need to consider it for the non-financial reasons.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> While I liked your post, I disagree with the last paragraph int his case. It is about having self respect. The rest tends to naturally follow.


I agree with you. I think he needs more self-respect which will lead to her having respect for him, which leads to attraction, which leads to hot sex.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Went into rhe red zone this morning.....

Dozed off after the alarm went of, woke up...Oh shi% trash day, pulled on my pants, shoes, ran out and dragged 5 bags of trash to the curb...2 from the kitchen, and 3 in the trash can outside.

It is a race to get them down before the trash truck showed up, but I made it......

Fixed breakfast for dad and myself, and sat in the living room..

Wife walks in, go's into the kitchen, and says "did you get the trash bag behind the riding mower". I said, no, I didn't see it, she b****e$ about it, I am frustrated at this point, and I reply Why didn't you put them all in the can where I would find them?. She hits the ceiling...

I look up as she gives me the finger and says fxxx you, fxxx you, fxxx you......

I get up and walk into the bedroom to put on a shirt. I need a couple of hours driving in my Mustang to decompress...

She follows me into the bedroom, gets between me and the door....You are not going out of this house...

We have a few more words, and she puts the middle finger right up in my face...I screwed up at that point and told her I would like to break that finger off...I NEVER make physical threats...

I get control of myself, and tell her if she throws the f-bomb in my face again, I will use it on her in public, in front of others....

Then I tell her, I was angry and frustrated over the trash, but she was contemptuous of me, and when that happens there is no going back, and I am seriously considering a divorce....

She backtracks, brings up my WRONGS from 45 years ago up to the present...

I tell her, that resentment is another form of contempt, and is further proof we should divorce....

The D word always sets her back, she calms down and becomes more rational....Says I treat her bad by wanting sex...I tell her that sex is just as important to our marriage as taking out the trash,(I am kind of proud of that analogy) and I am not out of line by wanting sex.....

we let the argument die down of it's own weight, but not before she admitted she does have "He's an a$$hole" phone conversations with her gf. I think this is toxic to a marriage, and I am going to speak to the gf about it...Can't do that for a while because she is having surgery today....I think I am going to get a VAR to collect evidence...

Her husband is a real boor, spends most of his time away from home at bass tournaments or hunting, mows the grass once a month and had an open affair with one of her friends that went on for 2 years. Has dumped her and came back 3 or 4 times in the last 10 years BY LEAVING A NOTE STUCK TO THE FRIDGE.....I am NOTHING like him!!!!!

I am 66, and have always been HD. I could have sex every day, but don't initiate more than 2 times a week, I don't want to make her feel too pressured, even oral, or a hj, would at least keep the fires banked...She is convinced that "old people" don't need sex....When I aproach her, I don't see an "old person", she is still that beautiful girl from 47 years ago.......

She hates it when she thinks I "self service", makes wisecracks about lube in my br, dosn't want me to have my laptop in the br, keeps ducking into my br for no reason after I have turned in, walks into the bathroom when I shut the door, what does she want me to do, go out chasing prostitutes?????

I think I will change tactics, I am going to go into her bedroom after she turns in, lie down, intiate sex, and if I get a turndown, I will "self service" while she watches.....At least that will get EVERYTHING out in the open....Just touching her gives me an immediate erection, so it would even easier than watching porn online...

I cannot imagine making love to another woman, and it makes it worse when I come on this board and see how many women go to sleep crying because their husbands don't offer them affection. Why can't she realize how much she means to me, and why am I typing this crap with tears in my eyes...

I just can't stop typing....I have resentments too, and I don't let them interfere with our relationship......I took her out of the housing projects in East St. louis, raised another mans son as my own, worked up to an engineering position on a HS diploma, always provided for her and the kids, never cheated, raised her little brother, helped raised her sister, never bought the boat, or sports car young guys want, bought a house for her son to live in, let her be a stay-at-home mom till the kids were out of school, bribed her to quit her job with $9000.00 cash, bought her cars, give her EVERYTHING she asks for.....I am not a lousey husband....sure, I wrecked a motorcycle and ruined my leg, But was driving home from work when I did it...I can't help it....I don't feel up to chiseling up the tile she picked out in the back bathroom, and putting in something she likes better..., or replacing the toilet, because she wants a better one, We are not poor, but she is too cheap to hire it done, she just lets it fester because I won't do it.......I don't give her BS projects or get mad at her if the house isn't dusted, or dinner isn't ready, or my favorite jeans havn't been washed...But this morning she said she purposly quit washing my coffee cup every day, because I don't treat her right...And that I didn't work hard being an engineer or designer, but she did keeping house...

She has never worked a day for someone else, never taken a direct order from a boss, never had to hear the alarm EVERY morning, but tells me that earnin a living is easy.....BS....

In love and being screwed over in Arkansas..........

I am going for a ride in my GT...


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Woodchuck said:


> Went into rhe red zone this morning.....
> 
> Dozed off after the alarm went of, woke up...Oh shi% trash day, pulled on my pants, shoes, ran out and dragged 5 bags of trash to the curb...2 from the kitchen, and 3 in the trash can outside.
> 
> ...


What do you get out of your marriage? What is good about it and/or your wife?


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

When one spouse decides that it is acceptable to disrespects the other on a daily basis, perhaps its time to consider divorcing the abuser. Very frequently the disrespect and abuse escalates over time and the victim thinks, if he/she does better, his/her spouse will change. They seldom do.


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