# i need some advice!!



## blapksda3 (May 2, 2012)

my husband and i have been together 7 years and married 2. We have 3 beautiful children. we're young but we wanted to get married and have more children. the problem is all my husband wants to do is be with his friends. he hangs out almost all day. or he takes everybody everywere they need to go because they dont have cars. to me it seems like thats not his problem nor his responsibility. neither of us are able to find work right now so he says he's bored and leaves me home all day with the kids or all night. he still goes out til like 4 or 5 in the morning. i tryed to talk to him severals times about changing his priorities around and makin me one of the most important but he dnt seem to care but wen i tell him he dont care he says he does but never changes and says he's gonna do what he wants. i dont no what to do, i love him with alll my heart and dont wana lose him but he dont wanna grow up. and i feel like i had no choice so he shouldnt either. i just dont know what to do. i dont wanna lose my husband but i cant handle him leaving everytime his friends call. and they call alll day long!! what should i do .


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

How old is your husband? Unfortunately, if he can't see that he has responsibilities by now (with a wife & 3 children), then he never will. Although my husband always held a well paying job, he still never grew up.....and I spent more than 20 years hoping and waiting for him to mature.


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## blapksda3 (May 2, 2012)

he's 23 and i'm 20 im just waiting and waiting for to get out of this party life that im not so sure he will...he is so selfish. he always puts himself before my needs. for example we agreed to take the kids to the park atleast twice a week but since we havent been in 2 weeks. i asked him today if he wanted to go he tells me we have no gas but right after he told me that he left to go pick up a friend and go hangout at another friends house i dont understand why he dont have gas to take us to the park but ALWAYS has gas to get were he needs to go. an we have communication issues he dont like to talk bout our problems


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## kitoptician (May 3, 2012)

He sounds like my first husband he never wanted anything to do with me or our two kids. He was always working nights and would party in the mornings with his friends never saw him. After five years of this and no help from him with the kids I filed for divorce. He tried to change but it was too late for me I had had enough. I tried to get him to go for counseling but he would not hear of it. I was like a single parent raising two small children so I decided to make it official and drop the dead weight from my life. He then decided to finally get a decent job where he worked in the day. He also became like super dad and wanted the children all the time spoiling them with gifts and attention. He tried to buy me back with promises of diamonds and romantic trips that he never offered while we were together. Anyway its up to you what you do but my advise is to let him know how it will end up if he keeps up the way he is going. You have to make choices as an adult you cannot keep acting like a child. He needs to do some growing up. You have to have rules that you go by or he will keep running over you and wear you down until you cant take it anymore.


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## youngandnaive (Apr 26, 2012)

I agree with the others. Once you bring a child into this world, they should become your FIRST priority, even before your spouse. They didn't ask to come into this world. When a man has a family he needs to do everything in his power to provide them with the love and care that they need and deserve. Wasn't there any signs of him being this way before you two got married? He sounds very immature and irresponsible. Love is blinding and I know that it is hard to let go of someone you are in love with but in the end you need to think about what your children need in there life. He obviously has his priorities mixed up. Let him know that if he can't be the husband and father he needs to be to keep his family together than you are going to leave. He needs to try harder to get a job, even if he needs to mow some lawns or work at a kiosk in the mall, he needs to do whatever he can to bring in the bacon. I am only 21 and I know how it is starting out young, but we have to do whatever we need to survive, especially when you bring a child into this world. Overall just talk to him and lay down some laws.


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## blapksda3 (May 2, 2012)

thank you so much for helping me. i always feel like im being too hard on him but now i no im not. and for your question no i really didnt no it was gonna be like this because we decided to get married while he was in jail so rite wen he got out that same week we got married and he was all bout me and our son but after about a month or two things started to change. now we have 3 kids like i sed before a 3 year old a 1 year old and a 2 month old and if you have kids this close in age and not able to do things for themselves its very stressful doing it alone 80% of the day thank god for my parents or id really lose my mind


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## youngandnaive (Apr 26, 2012)

While he was locked up didn't you consider what kind of man he is and if that is the example you want your son to follow? I know that love can be blinding, but once a child is involved the blind-fold should fall.. You and your children deserve better. You are blessed to have parents who will help you out. Maybe you can go to school or get a decent job while your parents help watch your kids. There is a lot of assistance you can get out there, you just have to ask. If you want to go to school (highly recommended) apply for the FAFSA. It's free. You can also get free babysitting. Research it and check it out. You'll be glad you did. Dump this chump


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## Davi (Apr 20, 2012)

Is there any woman in the scenario? If no, then you must tell him the result of his this strange behavior... 
Tell him that this behavior can spoil your realationship.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Do you have any family in the area? If so, since this is a recurring problem, I'd tell him if he comes home late again you won't be there when he gets home.

If he's late, just go to your family member's house and stay there for a day or two.

He doesn't respect you, and w/o you giving him a real reason to get his behind in gear... he won't.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I'm sorry but your husband is a father in name only.

Please give serious thought to this relationship and please take steps to not have any more children with this man. They will be the ones to suffer the most for the rest of their lives. This man is toxic


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

youngandnaive said:


> Once you bring a child into this world, they should become your FIRST priority, *even before your spouse*.


Extremely untrue!


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## youngandnaive (Apr 26, 2012)

You don't think that your children's needs should come before your spouses? Children don't ask to be brought into this world. They cannot provide for themselves, your spouse is a grown person...


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

I could never put up with this! I would make him get a job. It might not be great but fast food joints are always hiring. He needs to work so he can get into the habit of going to work and being responsible.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

youngandnaive said:


> You don't think that your children's needs should come before your spouses? Children don't ask to be brought into this world. They cannot provide for themselves, your spouse is a grown person...


In a marriage the marital relationship always comes first. If the marriage breaks up, then the children are put at risk due to a broken home and all that comes with.

It's not to say that the children should be ignored. There are always times when the needs a child/children takes priority.... such as when there is an illness... or the chidlren just need to eat dinner because it's dinner time.

On an airplane they always tell you that if you are flying with a child, put on oxygen mask on yourself first then on the child. Why? Because if you put the mask on the child first, there is a high probablility that you will pass out from lack of oxygen before you can get the mask on the child. So now both of you die. If the adult takes care of their own oxygen mask first, the adult can help the child and both of them will be ok.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why can't he work?


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## rider (Jun 22, 2009)

Tough one, I was this guy when our first child was born, and I was 21 at the time. I grew out of it, but I am not sure my wife has forgiven me yet. ( I am 29 now and just starting to take ownership for being a d-bag ).

Find things he can do with his friends AND the kids. Barbecues in the park, tow the kids in a bike trailer, etc.

If he wants to still see his buddies, he has to get the kids involved.

I get one night a week to do something on my own, and so does my wife. Totally fair. Every day is crazy.


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## blapksda3 (May 2, 2012)

thank you all. he's not working because everywere he applys says that they cant hire him because of his felony charge. he has been tryin but he could try alot harder. and i tryed to mention the one day a week thing but he dont seem to wanna do that. i let him go to his friends today but he hasnt came home yet an we made an agreement that he be home for dinner but it seems like everything we talk about goes out the window the minute he leaves =[


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Of course it goes out the window the minute he leaves. He tells you want you want to hear so does not have to put up with your anger and disappointment. He has no intent of following any 'agreements' he has with you.

On the job issue, there are places that help people with felonies find jobs. Like you said he could try harder.

You might want to start thinking of how you are going to support yourself and your children. it's up to you because he's a loser and does not take responsibility for anything.


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