# my man dont want sex



## princess (Jun 27, 2008)

Hello everyone im new here. So i thought id say hi and hopefully get some advice at the same time.

This is quite embarrassing for me to do this but i just don't know where else to turn.

I have been married since summer 2007 , there has never been any problems with mine and my husbands sex life till now. To put it bluntly he just aint interested. I dont know what has changed, we havent had sex in over a month now. whenever i suggest early nights he all of a sudden get a back ache, ok he has had a bad back for a while but it only seam to hurt when it comes to bed time. iv tryed talking to him about it but he gets all grumpy and says our relationship shouldn't be based on how offtern we have sex, which dosent really say much! Im not some sex mad weirdo but i think its normal to want it from time to time and i think its quite an important part of a relationship.

This is really getting me down, i just dont know what has gone wrong, he tells me he loves me all the time and is affectionate towards me but thats where it ends.

Has any one else ever experienced this? i know plenty of men would have but any women?

any ideas on what could be going on?:scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Many things might be happening.

One his back may hurt just enough or aggravated during sex so that he can't perform.

He might feel ashamed about something including but I am not suggesting an affair.

The best thing to do is to talk to him and get him to open up.

draconis


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## brenda (Jun 27, 2008)

Hi Princess,
You replied to one of my threads, which has given me a little bit of back ground on other parts of your relationship. Do you two seem to be fighting a lot? I know that if my husband and I are having a rough week emotionally, the last thing on our minds is trying to pleasure one another. Is there anything else going on for him right now, (problems at work, with family, friends) 

I do agree with Draconis, you should talk to him about how your feeling, just make sure you talk to him when your both in a good mood, it will help the communication flow a little better.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

Well, in my case, my husband is so absorbed in his hobbies that he just doesn't think about sex. He's always had a low libido, and the hobbies just magnify it. I think his upbringing has A LOT to do with it as well... he was raised mennonite, his dad is dominant, mom is submissive, he feels bad for his mom having to do things that his dad makes her do... I think maybe he doesn't want to be like his dad at all and it's seriously affecting him.

These are just some things I see in my own relationship. I understand what you're going through... sex crazed men saturates our society in everything we do, commercials, billboards, news, talk shows, the list goes on and on and when you have this man who doesn't feel the urges like other men do, you start to feel like something's wrong with him or with you.


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## Jenni (Nov 30, 2008)

The problem is not about how much sex you have but the difference of sex drives. If one wants more than the other, then it becomes an issue. Couples have their ups and downs but you have been married for a short period of time and sex should not be dying like that. Yes, you should be concentrating on the relationship first but it sounds like you are a young woman and it is not fair to deprive yourself from one of the most delightful pleasures in life. Take care of this matter and try to get to the root of the problem but don't let it go for too long. Your husband should not be selfish and if he expects his wife to be loyal to him, he should be thinking about her needs. Many women let themselves go because their men don't compliment them or make them feel like women. Don't get to this point.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

he's got somebody else. force him to confront that and admit it. then go on.


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

ignore the retarded comment above this one.

You cant assume he has someone else. But the initial thrill of marriage is over for him. 
Keep talking about it but dont pressure him. Buy some sexy outfits. Go out with your girlfriends. Make him start noticing you again. He may just have lost that spark because he takes you for granted.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

yeah, the "he's got somebody else" comment is a bit presumptive, don't ya think. in all honesty, i don't want "it" from my wife near as much as i used to and i don't have someone else.

just how aggressive are you when it comes to initiating sex? while i feel like both parties should share that task, some guys just burn out of being the aggressor all of the time (as in my case). it is a major turn on when a woman initiates by sending strong signals like wearing frillies, playful touching and all out sexual attacks.


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

sexual attacks! works for me. It has been awhile. Seriously though, I know some back problems (nerve damage) can attribute to erectile disfunction. He may have a little trouble getting it up. This is not something men really like to talk about. Get to the root of the problem, so it can be fixed. My wife is that way. No interest. If so, it's "here I am". I know if she were to take control on me I would go nuts. It's worth a try.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

My remark might have been presumptive...but read some of Drac's posts on maintaining a relationship/marriage. 

There is no reason for a sex drive to diminish as the OP mentioned. Something has gotten him off his feed, so to speak. 

Maybe the thrill has worn off. Reignite it, sure. 

Otherwise, he's got something else going on that's not obvious (to us here). It may be a physical affair, perhaps an EA. 

But if he's not getting it at home (or wanting it) then he's getting it somewhere else.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

dcrim said:


> But if he's not getting it at home (or wanting it) then he's getting it somewhere else.


in my case its fishing, i cant afford to be caught with my pants down:smthumbup:


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

I've falling into a slump caused by my Wife's neglect and now that she wants it, I don't... And since I've been having to suffer myself for so long with being "sensitive" to "her" needs, now I don't care how she feels about me not wanting her.

This probably means she will cheat now, but I don't care too much about that either. I am a pretty good looking man, always have been but now that I'm older I have a hole new set of "opportunities" I can pursue, so I'm like whatever now.

I personally rather spend my time playing XBOX than cheat during my Wife's neglect. A fact that she I think recognizes to a certain "unspoken" degree for she even was nice enough to upgrade my gaming console for my birth day this year and lets me play a lot.
I see it as a compromise and so treat her good during the neglect time.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

carmaenforcer said:


> I am a pretty good looking man, always have been but now that I'm older I have a *hole* new set of "opportunities" I can pursue, so I'm like whatever now.
> 
> .


:lol:, sorry man, couldn't resist. it could be a WHOLE lot worse.


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

It's called human nature or "push -pull". The more you push the more she pulls away & vice versa. What ever happened to "let's get it on!" Ha ha. I actually agree with dcrim. I think if on (especially a man) is not interested at home--he is getting it somewhere else. It may just be that it is easier to please himself, maybe he has become addicted to porn. Communication goes a long way.


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