# Red Flags in Retrospect



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

When we were engaged I found out through my ex that her circle of friends pretty much used to sleep with each other but she was the only one that was not involved. 3 girlfriends and one guy but never at the same time (which I still have reservations about). This kept on happening even on our wedding night two of her same friends hooked up in the suite beside ours.
Fast forward a few years and two of those friends bacame engaged to be married.....all this while they all remained very close and very involved in each others lives (weekends, barbecues etc). Interestingly they still spent private time together whenever any of them was going through stressful periods (which I think was a little more than providing emotionsl "support).
I always believed there should be full disclosure when you're about to get married because secrets have a way of coming out no matter how far down the road. THe ex and I used to get into heated arguements over this issue. She felt since it was in the past before the marriage her friends don't need to disclose that information to their soon to be spouses. I felt otherwise.
Now that I think of it, any person who thinks it's ok to screw your circle of friends and not only keep them involved in your marriage but not disclose that history to your spouse probably has major issues. I guess the writing was on the wall.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

My wife tricked all kinds of stuff about her affairs on her x-husbandS. I was dumb enough to think I was different. She cheated on me several times during our 3 years together.. Looking back all those red flags I 'brushed off' kills me for gettin involved with her... she's very attractive and men flock to her. This helps her feel good about herself.. she has no boundaries.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Ostera said:


> My wife tricked all kinds of stuff about her affairs on her x-husbandS. I was dumb enough to think I was different. She cheated on me several times during our 3 years together.. Looking back all those red flags I 'brushed off' kills me for gettin involved with her... she's very attractive and men flock to her. This helps her feel good about herself.. she has no boundaries.


Yea I think sometimes it's also an ego thing where a person likes being shown attention without boundries


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I think that anytime someone is around you a lot (like on a regular basis, not just once every six months in passing or something) that you have slept with or had any romantic involvement with, you should provide full disclosure, and do so fairly quickly in the relationship. To have some guy hanging around your wife for years after you've been married only find out later that yeah, "we had a FWB thing going for four years at one time" is not a good way to be brought up to speed on the situation.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Red flags are always much easier to see in retrospect.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> I think that anytime someone is around you a lot (like on a regular basis, not just once every six months in passing or something) that you have slept with or had any romantic involvement with, you should provide full disclosure, and do so fairly quickly in the relationship. To have some guy hanging around your wife for years after you've been married only find out later that yeah, "we had a FWB thing going for four years at one time" is not a good way to be brought up to speed on the situation.


Thank you!! I find it interesting how some people think it's "OK" to keep it in the past. I'm sorry but if the person will be an integral part of your family or friends circle it's important to know from the onset. Having to find out is unacceptable.


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