# No Communication



## hereandgone18 (Sep 25, 2011)

I've come to the end of my rope...keeping my life together has become almost impossible.
My husband of 10 years walked out on me on January 30, 2010.
For the first two years, he visited the house regularly and returned last summer for a few months. No explanation of why he left, no discussion....NOTHING. I have tried to start conversations regarding the issues, and have asked about divorce several times.."I don't want to spend the money", "at some point" are just a couple of answers I have heard. I also wrote him a lengthy letter, to which he also didn't respond.
During this time he has helped me with the mortgage for 6 months, while he was back and a few months after that. Then, he quit his job,(a normal occurance) and I have not recieved any help since January of this year.
He left a truck parked in our yard that I sold, with his permission, in April. When I cleaned out the truck, I discovered his wedding band chucked in the console, and a note to his girlfriend. This was about all I could take. I tried to call him, but he wouldn't answer, so....I stupidly sent him a text. Letting him know how crushed I was on finding those items. He will not respond to me ever since....except on our anniversary.
I am presently trying to put my house on the market, and he will not remove his belongings, one of which is a car. He has known since April 29th that I wanted the house empty!!
Every day I try to make steps to move forward, but it keeps getting harder, not easier


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Sell or tow the car.

Sell or trash his belongings (yard sale).

After the house is sold, get a lawyer and file for divorce without him. At least get the paperwork started as much as you can.

If he doesn't want to communicate with you, then cut him off as well. Should he contact you "at his convenience" you will not be available.

The wedding ring. Still have it? Sell it too.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

You may be able to get an uncontested divorce out of this.

As badly as he fears the expense, what he would get from not responding to the summons would be far worse in the long run.

Possession is 9/10'ths of the law.

You own everything there.

Call people who specialize in "estate sales" and dump everything you can.

And keep the money.


----------



## hereandgone18 (Sep 25, 2011)

I went to the house last night, just can't make myself do it. I walked in the door, looked at the stuff and left.

When I got home, a friend of mine called to tell me she left her husband. All I could think, all the things she said about him.....was that me to my H?
It was awful. We just stopped talking, I felt like everything I said was wrong, he didn't want to hear about work,family, my ride home, the book I read....anything. Accused me of purposely annoying him. 
The reason I sent him the text was he called the day before, I'm not even sure what I said, but his response was..."everybody's got problems"..
Since he left , I have done all I could to help him. In the beginning, when he visited, I cried, asked him to come back, he was always so cold. Wrote me a note thanking me for not making him suicidal for seeking a happier life. So, I became the happy girl, always ready and willing to help. If he needed money, the bed from the spare room, anything. Nothing works.....he says I'm belligerent.

Yes, I did alot of things wrong. I shut myself off. I can imagine that was not fun for him.

I guess I'm waiting for the confession I'll never hear.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Hereandgone, you've let him run your life and your emotions for quite long enough now. You're right, you're waiting for some validation and vindication that will never come -- not from him.

My heart goes out to you...but you've gotten some sound advice above. You are going to have to move on, and selling stuff is step one. You desperately need some support, so let your friends know what is going on, your church, your family, any source of the support that you need. You've let him beat you down for long enough!


----------



## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

I actually felt angry just reading this. January _2010_?! For 2 1/2 years, he's walked in & out of your life whenever he feels like it, treats you like crap, makes you feel like you are crap, & has the stones to write you a note thanking you for helping him not feel suicidal about what he's doing. 

You need to take a long hard look in the mirror & say, "Fvck him" & then say it again & then again. Like the others said, sell the stuff. Sell the car for scrap if it's no good. You can't move past this if every time you start moving forward, he comes back & treats you sh!tty & beats you down until poof he's gone again. 

It can be hard to jump off a merry-go-round when you're dizzy from spinning for so long. I think it will be a lot easier for you if you cut him out completely. Don't call/text him, & don't answer them from him. Definitely don't let him back in the house. Go ahead & proceed w/the divorce. Please stop beating yourself up. Start looking toward *your * future & figuring out what *you * want.

I'm thinking good thoughts for you.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Please stop beating yourself up over this.

It seems you've done all you could for am emotionally stunted man.

You desereve the peace and serenity you have erned the past few years.

Summon the strength and courage you need to move your life forward and then pursue life with a vengance!


----------



## hereandgone18 (Sep 25, 2011)

I know you are all correct, and your advice is greatly appreciated.

I've often thought of him as the loner who doesn't want to be alone. 

I "knew" about the GF, but finding the note kicked my ass, and then the ring.(mine is back in it's original box in my jewelry box) It did however make me finally decide to sell the house. I have an apartment now and everything is out of the house except his stuff. the agent is coming on Sunday to decide a price and let me know what to fix. I think I'll ask a friend to help with his things, some of which is an inheritance I just don't feel comfortable selling. Most other stuff can be thrown out. I have a friend who I'll ask to get the car out.....it's a convertible, maybe I'll keep it and go for a ride with the top down
Filing the divorce is just the hardest step....I'll get there, I've downloaded the papers plenty of times....just to fill them out.
I stood by him through so many things....the better or worse, sickness and health, all of it. the thin line between love and hate:'(


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Good for you, here! It won't be easy, but I think it will be easier than what you've been going through for the past two years.


----------

