# looking but not touching..Why?



## SoulMateBeliever (Mar 17, 2011)

Men, I need your help here

My husband and I have been married for about 20 years. We have had ups and down but have stayed together. Our sex life is great 5-7 times a week- sometimes more... Very satisfying. I am no prude and am game for about everythgin as long as it is jsut the 2 of us. (I have not and will not do threesomes, etc..)

I know I am attractive. i am 44 but am told i look 35. I am built pretty well.. larger breasts and hips and butt small waist.. very hourglass.. I am very attracted to him as well and initiate sex at least half of the time. 
However, I find out that he is on porn sites all the time and has even done searches for prostitutes and costs etc.... 
He has cheated in the past but I do not believe he is cheating now as we both work from home and spend all of our time together.

Why would a man do this??? I have checked up on him and do not find any evidence he has done more than 'look' but I am not sure why. He says that our sex life is great and he is very attracted to me. I can tell he is by his reaction whenever we kiss, touch or etc...

Has anyone else dealt with this? What did you do?


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Looking at flicks is totally normal for a guy, but checking out prostitute prices is a bit curious. Even a well sexed man will want to look at women from time to time, can't tell you why, that's just the nature of the beast. Has he explained why he's looking at the prostitutes though?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Not a guy but he has cheated in the past, constantly watches porn and is now checking out prostitution websites inquiring about their prices? That's a pretty huge red flag. He is looking to cheat again and if it were me, his stuff would be in Hefty trash bags out on the front lawn. 
I think most of the guys here would agree with me on this.


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## SoulMateBeliever (Mar 17, 2011)

I have not confronted him about it. I had been spying on him becuase of his past infidelity and it eventually cause problems.. more than the infidelity becuase i constantly doubted him but he alwasy seemed to be telling the truth. He got tired of constantly havign to explain himself. (I went way overboard and became paranoid) 

I found this out by accident. The office computer locked up and it seemed we had downloaded a virus from craigslist. I wondered why anyone would be on craigslist and found the links in history. He had not deleted them as I had promised i would not keep spying on him... Now I am worried. It shows he is on porn sites 4-8 times a day. The prostitute searches and stuff occured on just one day. I work with computers and have since been checking up on what he is doing (quietly) I want to stop the spying but am now afraid. I do not want to confrint him if he is not doing anythgin and cuase issues becuase he will think i was spying the whole time (which i was NOT)


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SoulMateBeliever said:


> I have not confronted him about it. I had been spying on him becuase of his past infidelity and it eventually cause problems.. more than the infidelity becuase i constantly doubted him but he alwasy seemed to be telling the truth. He got tired of constantly havign to explain himself. (I went way overboard and became paranoid)
> 
> I found this out by accident. The office computer locked up and it seemed we had downloaded a virus from craigslist. I wondered why anyone would be on craigslist and found the links in history. He had not deleted them as I had promised i would not keep spying on him... Now I am worried. It shows he is on porn sites 4-8 times a day. The prostitute searches and stuff occured on just one day. I work with computers and have since been checking up on what he is doing (quietly) I want to stop the spying but am now afraid. I do not want to confrint him if he is not doing anythgin and cuase issues becuase he will think i was spying the whole time (which i was NOT)


He lost the right to being secretive when he cheated the first time. You aren't spying on him, you are protecting your interests from being taken for a ride the SECOND time. Can I ask you why it seems that you care more about his feelings, than your own? You seem to not want to rock the boat. Why? This guy has shown a pattern of lying and cheating and he "got tired of having to explain himself?" In other words, get over it and sweep it under the rug so he can continue with his former behavior. 
I wouldn't confront him right now. I would however get tested for STD's and buy a VAR (voice activated recorder) and place is in a discrete place in his car. I have no doubt you will find out more.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Brennan said:


> Not a guy but he has cheated in the past, constantly watches porn and is now checking out prostitution websites inquiring about their prices? That's a pretty huge red flag. He is looking to cheat again and if it were me, his stuff would be in Hefty trash bags out on the front lawn.
> I think most of the guys here would agree with me on this.


He's gone beyond the garden-variety stress relief.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Yeah, he does seem to be indulging a bit. I'm all for "viewing" and hitting a strip club every now and then, but when sex is happening on the regular I'm less inclined to focus on it as much. I'm only in my 20's and don't look at it 4-8 times a day, so that's kind of a lot, lol.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

You don't have to tell him you were spying. Tell him the truth. You saw the history. Nothing wrong with that.

I would bring it up. Holding it in is not healthy.

Looking at porn is probably ok. Looking for prostitutes is now venturing into the "cheating" territory. He has some craving or need he wants fulfilled, and while cheating right now may be the last thing on his mind, if he keeps it up, he will start to take more and more risks until he convinces himself that it is OK to get with one.

Get on this now. Stop it before he finally does convince himself it is justified in his mind.

Honestly.....at 5 to 7 times a week.....Not only would I be smiling like that guy on the Enzyte commercial, but I don't think I would even have time to look at the news on the computer, let alone porn.


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## SoulMateBeliever (Mar 17, 2011)

Thanks Alpha.. I, too think our sex life is pretty full.


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## ddrh (Mar 20, 2011)

Then why the hell is he still looking for more so much???

I just don't get it!!! If you are a willing wife, they still want to experience what's out there... and if you're not willing, they use it as an excuse.

I DON'T GET IT. And it seems as though the problem is not (sometimes) really the woman AT ALL... it's just them... they're MESSED UP in the head. 

I think after everything's out in the open...or whenever you like... you should be a bit hard to get. It seems as though it doesn't matter what you do, he won't be completely satisfied. You should make him FEAR Losing what he's got... just a bit. And you should be offended at this stupidity--SPECIALLY after he has a history of cheating.
And if you find he actually cheats... well, I wouldn't give him a second chance. But also, I'm not in love with him


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Of course, men are very visual creatures-'ya gotta show 'em! I know, I need visual stimulation to get in the mood.


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