# Need some positive reinforcement



## LOST88

My heart is breaking today. After 18+ years, my wife is moving the furniture out of our house to begin our separation. We have both agreed that this is to fix our marriage and both still love each other, but I have simply pushed her away with my jealous nature. I have talked to several people and all say t will end in divorce. I just wanted to hear from people who this has worked for. Please post and share if you would like.


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## synthetic

Assuming you are both faithful (needs investigation and confirmation), a short separation can clear up the fog of resentments between you two.

Separations overwhelmingly end in divorce because one of the spouses is checked-out and is only putting on a show. Many times, one of the parties is already involved in an affair (emotional or physical) and the other party tends to get extremely hurt to the point of no return.

What is it that you have both agreed to "fix" in your marriage? 

What is the purpose of this separation?

Why are you jealous? Has she given you a reason before? Have you cheated on her yourself? Do you consider her more attractive than the type of girl you qualify for? What was your childhoods like?

You don't have much time before this separation starts taking its toll and you both start feeling "okay" without each other. 2-4 weeks is all that can take for at least one of you to feel somewhat "detached".


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## LOST88

synthetic said:


> Assuming you are both faithful (needs investigation and confirmation), a short separation can clear up the fog of resentments between you two.
> 
> Separations overwhelmingly end in divorce because one of the spouses is checked-out and is only putting on a show. Many times, one of the parties is already involved in an affair (emotional or physical) and the other party tends to get extremely hurt to the point of no return.
> 
> What is it that you have both agreed to "fix" in your marriage?
> 
> What is the purpose of this separation?
> 
> Why are you jealous? Has she given you a reason before? Have you cheated on her yourself? Do you consider her more attractive than the type of girl you qualify for? What was your childhoods like?
> 
> You don't have much time before this separation starts taking its toll and you both start feeling "okay" without each other. 2-4 weeks is all that can take for at least one of you to feel somewhat "detached".


Fix the jealous controlling behavior. 

The purpose is to give her space to allow some of the anger to subside. 

Why jealous? Don't know, she has not given me a reason to be. I am just insecure. 

Never have cheated. 

Yes, she is a very beautiful woman and gets hit on all the time. (Which she still does inform them that she is married and not interested.)

Maybe I am just crazy.


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## PBear

So what are you doing to "fix the jealous behavior"? The better you can demonstrate that you're taking the issue seriously and actively changing, the better off you'll be.

C


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## Hope1964

Just curious what you tried before it came to this? If you are jealous and controlling, have you addressed this in any kind of therapy?

My husband and I were split up for 5 months and a bit when I kicked him out after he cheated, and we are back together now for a year and a half and doing great.


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## LOST88

We are in therapy now and hopefully everything will be good. Thank you all for the good words.


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