# Need advice on girlfriend



## tribesman (Aug 17, 2013)

My girlfriend went a wedding on Friday in AZ and we live in CA. She leaves on Thursday, texts me regularly like usual all the way up to the wedding, Friday night. Saturday she calls at 9 saying she’s rushing to the airport to get her friend on a flight and she just wants to let me know what she’s doing and she’ll call me later. That night at 10 I text her ask her how everything’s going, no response. Sunday morning I text her 9 asking when she’s leaving. She texts me back at 12:30 saying sorry, she overslept and is leaving soon. 

So, at this point, Sat/Sun were both kind of weird because A) when she gets drunk, I should expect a couple of drunk phone calls through the night/early morning saying she misses me and all that white girl wasted ****, but none of that this time. Oh, she was originally supposed to come back on Saturday, but when I talked to her that morning she had asked if it was okay if she stayed another night cause she didn’t really get a chance to relax yet and the bride’s sister had an open room at her house. 

So, fine, no big deal, sure. So then she gets home Sunday night, gives me the most half-hearted hug ever and I think it’s weird, but just assume she’s tired from the drive. I went to kiss her and she gave me the cheek. Again, weird, but assume just tired. I ask how everything was with the wedding and whatnot and she says the wedding was fun and they all went out and drank afterwards. She also mentioned a guy she was sat next to at the wedding came with them. I asked who he was and she just said they had made friends at the table, no big deal to me. When I asked what she did Saturday, she just said she hung out with the bride’s sister and watched TV really late (the night I texted her at 10). So later that night we go to bed, I go to kiss her, she turns the cheek again. After setting her alarm she rolls away from facing the wall and says good night. Just so it’s clear, what she’s said so far isn’t weird, just how she’s carrying herself and reacting to me. 

So Monday, Tuesday, all kind of the same story. Talking normal, but reacting kind of reserved. I saw once on her phone that had a text from a Robert. Her brother’s name is Robert, but I know she has his last name in on his contact, so I knew this was the friend from the wedding. I didn’t read the text, just took a mental note that he has her number. This is where I committed the cardinal sin. She went hiking with our friend yesterday while I was working. I went out to get some water she noticed she left her phone behind. I couldn’t take it. I had to see what they were texting about. Most of it was some stupid **** about food pictures, but they were definitely picking on each other playfully. Then there was a part where she said she was going to bed and he said something like “sleep well and dream of whatever you teenage girls dream of”, so obviously he’s older, and she replies “lucky for you it’s usually older men ”. 

This is when my blood starts boiling. Then I find texts from Saturday at 11 (we talked at 9), and she says she doesn’t know what to do, sleep, drive, or eat. And he replies something like, I’ll make it easy on you, come over to my parents house, you can sleep here so you don’t have to get a hotel”. She says “that’s not weird?”, and he says “At this point weird is we roll”. And she asks for the address and says see you soon. 

Those are two main WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON moments in the texts. Then I look at her friend’s texts with her who she went to the wedding with, her best friend from high school cause I know they had a hotel together. There’s one from Saturday morning, the morning my girl was supposed to give her a ride the airport. It says, paraphrasing here, “Hey, I hope you had a fun night, but not too much fun, I’m leaving soon and I’m going to leave the scarf on your bed. I’ll tell the front desk you’ll be a little late”. And Katie’s response later says something like “Okay, thanks, don’t worry, I didn’t do anything I’d regret. I slept on the couch”. So, after reading through these about ten times each to make sure I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing, I put the phone back and go about my business. She gets home with that friend and we all have dinner at our place, admittedly I’m quiet because I’m ready to go into rage mode. 

We sit down to watch a movie after and she sits on the other couch (rarely happens unless she wants spread out to sleep), I notice immediately she faces her back against the wall so the phone’s away from me and starts a lengthy text. Throughout the entire movie, she’s texting, smiling and smirking at the responses. At one point she goes to the kitchen, puts her phone on the counter, I go over and purposely place myself right in front of her phone to see how she reacts as I act like I’m just deciding what kind of snack to get. She looks at me, looks down at her phone, and immediately says “why don’t you go sit down? I’ll bring you something”. So later I go to bed, she wants to watch something with our roommate, I ask her to come in room for a minute. I tell her she’s been acting distant and weird ever since the wedding and she immediately gets defensive and says I’M acting weird. I said I was quiet tonight cause she’s been weird but other than that I’ve been normal.

I tell her how it was weird how infrequently I heard from her Saturday and Sunday and how she gave me a pathetic hug and hasn’t kissed me since she’s been home and she says, about the kissing, that I knew her face/lips were dry from the weather in AZ. I said “so you can’t kiss me cause your lips are dry?” in a tone like “WTF, nice excuse”. And she turns away before I get to tell I her I’ve seen her smiling at her texts all night, and she says “I’m not talking about this right now, you might as well go to bed”. So, I pack a change of clothes, head out the door. She looks at the bag and asks what it is and I say “my clothes” and shut the door. Slept at my parents house last night.

Do you think anything is going on? Beginning of an EA?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

No, it's a PA. Cut your losses now and walk away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It's a PA. She screwed another guy at the wedding and you are no longer her object of affection. 

She's a girlfriend... not a fiencee, not a wife... a girlfriend. She is totally replaceable. Tell her you aren't stupid, you know what's up, and dump her cheating butt. 

Sorry bro, but she has the cheating gene.


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Divorce her


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Look at the CWI threads there a many stories of repeat ofenders because they forgave the cheaters and married them thinking they would change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

When you come on here and ask "Do you think anything is going on," you are only going to get one kind of response. Normally that bothers me but in your case, I'm sorry to say that there isn't much doubt. The EA began last Friday. Unless you think she's the type to sleep with a guy she just met the day before (at his parents' house!!) I'd say she was probably being truthful to her girlfriend and there is no PA yet. But you have a big problem.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Dump her and move on. Just be thankful you're not married and don't have kids with her (I hope).


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## BlueCalcite (Jul 15, 2013)

ScrewedEverything said:


> .....I'd say she was probably being truthful to her girlfriend and there is no PA yet. But you have a big problem.


That depends on what she thinks her girlfriend would think of her sleeping with the guy. If she would disapprove, then she's no more going to admit it to her than she's going to admit it to the OP.

But I'm not sure if it matters. You're not married yet, and this should tell you that you don't want to be married to her. Get out while it's easy.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

You have no ties to this women. You don't have children, you aren't married, you're not even engaged. Move on, and be thankful that you found this before you married her.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Replace her immediately.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> It's a PA. She screwed another guy at the wedding and you are no longer her object of affection.
> 
> She's a girlfriend... not a fiencee, not a wife... a girlfriend. She is totally replaceable. Tell her you aren't stupid, you know what's up, and dump her cheating butt.
> 
> Sorry bro, but she has the cheating gene.


I know it sucks but this is the best advise.

You're going to feel loss, what you've invested in this relationship, your feelings for this woman etc. But remember the most important thing, those feelings are for a perception (everyone's are). 

You have a perception of who this woman is. The difference between a FANTASTIC relationship and a horrible one is how accurate that perception is to reality. Unfortunately, yours isn't very accurate. The hardest part for a BS (betrayed spouse/partner) is realizing this concept and than accepting that who their partner is isn't who they think they are.

Good luck to you.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

It's always pointless to confront a possible cheater. If they're innocent, they'll say nothing is going on and you are the one acting weird and if they're guilty they'll say nothing is going on and it's you who is acting weird.

Yes there's a lot going on.

She's a girlfriend not a wife.

Cut your losses.



Ovid said:


> Replace her immediately.


Take a break in between to heal.

I always give it a week between girlfriends.


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## tribesman (Aug 17, 2013)

We've been together 4 years though, I love her. Hard to turn that off and walk away.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

EA? Probably
PA? more than likely - slept on the couch huh? What do you think?

Whatever time and effort you invested in your gf, "robert" was able to replace in a matter of hours if not minutes. What does that tell you about her commitment? 

Lick your wounds and move on.


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

She didn't text you like usual because she was busy with the other guy. 

She most likley slept with him. 

Her not kissing you and acting weird is due to her guilt. 

I think the leave her cheating butt at the curb advice is the best you'll get but you cn decide your level of tolerance for dishonest behavior.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

lenzi said:


> It's always pointless to confront a possible cheater. If they're innocent, they'll say nothing is going on and you are the one acting weird and if they're guilty they'll say nothing is going on and it's you who is acting weird.
> 
> Yes there's a lot going on.
> 
> She's a girlfriend not a wife.


What difference does that make?



lenzi said:


> Cut your losses.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

tribesman said:


> We've been together 4 years though, I love her. Hard to turn that off and walk away.


Yeah...

But she doesn't love you. 

She might have alot of sisterly affection towards you... but you have been replaced my friend. Accept it, swallow it, suck it up and move on.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

treyvion said:


> What difference does that make?


If he was married it would be much more difficult to extricate from the situation. There's a lot more invested, and there's usually considerable expense/inconvenience/adjustment in dissolving the marriage and starting over.

A girlfriend who cheats isn't worth any additional time and effort.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

tribesman said:


> We've been together 4 years though, I love her. Hard to turn that off and walk away.


I won't be any easier when your married with kids and a house and you get to pay child support and she gets the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

movin on said:


> I won't be any easier when your married with kids and a house and you get to pay child support and she gets the house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well when you say it THAT way.....

:rofl:

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Air Texas (May 30, 2013)

Dude. You knew the answer to this question when you asked it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Sigh- Ask her to take a polygraph then see her reaction.
That's if you want to waste the money on one.:scratchhead:


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

It was smart of you get to the bottom of it right away. She'll remember that part of you positively. Pretend you don't care. Just say whatever. Don't give her the satisfaction of some relationship closure discussion. Dump with a smile and say good luck.

Assume you live in an apartment with the lease in her name.

If it's your, apartment kick her out.

By the way she and Roberts made out at the wedding first.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Sigh- Ask her to take a polygraph then see her reaction.
> That's if you want to waste the money on one.:scratchhead:


Being a girlfriend with no strings attached, she may as well tell him to fvck off when poly is even mentioned at this very point in the space/time continuum.

I highly doubt that she has enough respect for what OP thinks about her.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If she calls you, rather than sit at you parents house and do a slow burn over this, don't answer the phone but go home and let her know in no uncertain terms that you read the messages on her phone. Why? Because of the way she acted gave you reason to suspect that something wasn't right with her. Then ask her what the hell is going on. She spent the night at some guys house and just for the hell of it, let's say that she did sleep on the couch, she still had no business being there and lying to you. 

You got a huge bag of her dirty laundry hanging around your neck and the longer it stays there the worse it will get. Give it back to her and let her wear it. If she gives you any crap about it, pack her stuff and tell her to leave and move on but for God's sake man why do you want to keep this all bottled up inside you. It's her doings so give it back where it belongs.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

verpin zal said:


> Being a girlfriend with no strings attached, she may as well tell him to fvck off when poly is even mentioned at this very point in the space/time continuum.
> 
> I highly doubt that she has enough respect for what OP thinks about her.


yep - what's the point of trying to hold a relationship such as this one together with chewing gum and elmer's glue.... it's a red flag for your future. 

It's one thing if you just want to keep her as a FWB but don't even consider her for a long-term committed partner in any way unless you're willing to have be in an open-relationship.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

tribesman said:


> We've been together 4 years though, I love her. Hard to turn that off and walk away.


It apparently wasn't hard for her to turn it off and walk away.

She blew you off so she could be with him.

She blew off her friend too. To be with him.

And yeah she slept with him, and her friend knows it too. Her friend doesn't seem to be too upset that she cheated on you either. Definitely a keeper there as a friend!

And she continued her flirting and relationship with him after she came home, continuing to blow you off for him.

Seriously, she's already cheated and dumped you, she's just too awful to be honest with you about it.

Dump her flat out and hard.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> It apparently wasn't hard for her to turn it off and walk away.
> 
> She blew you off so she could be with him.
> 
> ...


Consider yourself lucky you could have had 2 kids with her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tribesmen ,

You've been here in TAM a couple of months, and you've advised a number of folks to not tolerate cheaters and to get out.

So why are you not talking your own advice?

She lied to you so she could spend the night at the guys house. Does it matter if the f-ed each other or just kissed or just help hands?

She lied to you and chose to go to the guys house with the intent to spend the night. Maybe he didn't get her in bed but really does it matter ? She still betrayed you, and if he didn't get her into bed that night he will the next night.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Tribesmen ,
> 
> You've been here in TAM a couple of months, and you've advised a number of folks to not tolerate cheaters and to get out.
> 
> ...


TAM has brought me to a point on which I'll start to think that "...but I *still * love her" is the key to the Ethereal Plane's gateway.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

verpin zal said:


> TAM has brought me to a point on which I'll start to think that "...but I *still * love her" is the key to the Ethereal Plane's gateway.


..but I *still * love her" is the key to self delusion and suffering.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> ..but I *still * love her" is the key to self delusion and suffering.


Oh how I love it when the bold X marks the spot.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

verpin zal said:


> Oh how I love it when the bold X marks the spot.


Well may as well play this then.

"And I Love Her" in COLOR, HD&HQ! Beatles "A Hard Day's Night" colourization. - YouTube


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the roles were reversed how do you think she would be acting after reading those messages? She is playing you for a fool. After your last response I guess she was correct.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bryanp said:


> If the roles were reversed how do you think she would be acting after reading those messages? She is playing you for a fool. After your last response I guess she was correct.


The only way she will respect you is if you respect yourself
it is really that simple.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

Do you know how lucky you are? This is exactly why waiting to get married is key. 

Let this girl go. I take it you are in college? If so.. do not hesitate. Don't waste these years with someone who cheated on you. Go have fun.

She met a guy at the table, invited him out that night, and stayed at his parent's house. I use to bang girl's all the time when I lived at my parents house. My dad didn't care and my mom had no idea. No guy is going to let some random come to his parent's house to cuddle. PA was in effect most likely, all.day.long. 

She is lying right through her teeth. Her lips are chapped from the weather? Lol. She gave you the cheek and you saw these texts.. and did nothing? Break something and leave. Go hang out with some buddies.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

tribesman said:


> We've been together 4 years though, I love her. Hard to turn that off and walk away.


As much as it hurts now, you need to ask yourself some important questions. Did she think of the four years with you when she accepted the invitation to go to this guy's house? How about when she was giggling over texts while you were watching a movie? The answer is simple. She threw away any thoughts of you when she went to his house. Even afterward, she still carried on with him with disrespect to you.

This girl is not marriage material. You date to find compatibility and to test a partner's faithfulness. There are several dealbreakers. Cheating before marriage should be one. If she is having the desire and actually cheating now, what would she do once the marriage has several bad times? Will she go outside of it? After all, she is now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you get a next time on her cell.. take pictures of the texts or do a scan if you can. 

That way if you talk to her about this she cannot deny.

While it's possible that they did not sleep together, it's unlikely.

To me, just the fact that she went over to a man's place to spend the night is a HUGE break of trust. That alone is enough to break up over. You are what? BF/GF living together?

IT's not worth it.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Firstly, sorry you are here and here are my thoughts on this:

She more than likely has slept with him. You do not go to an older guy's house for company (even if he is in his parent's house) when you have friends that you know better at your hotel. So I think she gave the "I slept on the couch" story to her friend to preserve her reputation. This probably started as flirting at the table in the wedding reception as normally happens with young women on their own. It may have then proceeded onto stolen kisses which she would have thought about all Friday night (and him too). Thus the invitation on Saturday was readily accepted and probably consummated more than once.

Now here comes kicker no 2: she has developed feelings for him and likes him and the memory of Saturday (esp night). She is in the middle of this new romance buzz and you are in the way - an obstacle.

As another poster said, not once did she think of you during this and there could be many reasons for this. She managed to replace 4 years of you with one weekend of him.

She may get shocked out of this if you take some action now (which you should anyway for self healing) but unless you get down to the truth in terms of what exactly happened and why ans she shows real remorse, there can be no real reconciliation (if that is something you want).

She is your gf only at this stage and you can walk away from this now considering yourself lucky you uncovered this side of her before marriage, kids etc. As hard as you think it might be after 4 years, I would tend to recommend this. In any case, you have to be prepared to lose her in order to get her back.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tribesman said:


> My girlfriend went a wedding on Friday in AZ and we live in CA. She leaves on Thursday, texts me regularly like usual all the way up to the wedding, Friday night. Saturday she calls at 9 saying she’s rushing to the airport to get her friend on a flight and she just wants to let me know what she’s doing and she’ll call me later. That night at 10 I text her ask her how everything’s going, no response. Sunday morning I text her 9 asking when she’s leaving. She texts me back at 12:30 saying sorry, she overslept and is leaving soon.
> 
> So, at this point, Sat/Sun were both kind of weird because A) when she gets drunk, I should expect a couple of drunk phone calls through the night/early morning saying she misses me and all that white girl wasted ****, but none of that this time. Oh, she was originally supposed to come back on Saturday, but when I talked to her that morning she had asked if it was okay if she stayed another night cause she didn’t really get a chance to relax yet and the bride’s sister had an open room at her house.
> 
> ...


I think at a minimum she is being quite unfaithful to you. For me even if she did not have sex with this guy what she did do would be a dealbreaker for me.

Soooooo. I would cut her loose personally. 

I am assuming you do not have children together.

But there is more than an EA going on here. Also if one is married you do engage to stop an EA. However if you are not married and do not have kids and there is an EA ... it means it is over. Move on dude.

But lets get real. She had sex with this guy. But her going to his house for the night was the real dealbreaker. No excuse whatsoever for that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tribesman said:


> We've been together 4 years though, I love her. Hard to turn that off and walk away.


Move on. A GF of four years does not go to a guys house. She lied to you as well.

Do NOT have children.

She has moved on. You need to. This is not the woman you were looking for.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

treyvion said:


> What difference does that make?


A bunch. A GF is a much lesser commitment and investment.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I found it interesting that your GF told her girl friend she slept on the couch. Heaven forbid she tell her friend what a tramp she is by sleeping with a guy she met less then 24 hours ago.

When my old lady was screwing around, if any of her real friends know about what she was really doing they would disown her.

What sad is your chick has no regret for being at another mans house. Not once did she tell her friend that what she did was wrong even though nothing happened..she simple told her friend she was a being good and slept on the couch.

I think even her girl friend knows she was full of crap....some friend...leave your wing man to hang with some strange!

Not only did your chick disrespect you but she even disrepected the friendship with the girl friend she traveled with...this really shows what kind of character your chick has.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I agree with the poster above, not only did she disrespect you when she "cheated", she continues to disrespect now. Her actions are showing a total lack of remorse, she's not sorry for what she did, in fact, you seem more like an annoyance than a partner.

When we say disrespect, respect is a fundamental foundation of a relationship, the bond from which we build on up. So now not only have you been cheated on, but now demoted in rank by a man she's barely known.

p.s moving out and not telling her what you know, while seemingly good.. I fear all it does it give her more space to text and talk to OM without fear of you being there. 

Do what she's not doing. Be honest. Get her phone if the texts are retrievable then forward them to yourself. Ask her what went down that night and compare it against what you know. If she lies, then you know what's up. Dump her immediately.

4 years is a long time. It took her 24 hours to screw someone else.. that's what 4 years accounts for.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> I know it sucks but this is the best advise.
> 
> You're going to feel loss, what you've invested in this relationship, your feelings for this woman etc. But remember the most important thing, those feelings are for a perception (everyone's are).
> 
> ...





tribesman said:


> We've been together 4 years though, I love her. Hard to turn that off and walk away.


That's exactly what I'm saying. It's incredibly hard. You've been 100% invested into this relationship. You've been 100% devoted. The problem you have to realize is she hasn't been. Would you rather cut your losses after 4 years or spend the next 30 years suffering?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

tribesman said:


> We've been together 4 years though, I love her. Hard to turn that off and walk away.


Been there, lived with a gf for 4 years and suddenly she made a new "friend" and before I know it its over.

Whether you like it or not, you don't have a choice. You have to walk away and the sooner the better. She is disrespecting you and you shouldn't not have to deal with that.

ETA: It didn't work out with the OM and 6 months later she wanted to hook up again. I found someone else (better) and had to turn her down. Karma bus hit her hard.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> A bunch. A GF is a much lesser commitment and investment.


In this day and age people do not raise their committment level and priorities because they got married, they tend to lower them...

I can see the part about it may be harder to unentangle from one when your married so that's different.

But as far as committment and what you should expect from a serioius girlfriend, it shouldn't be any different.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

tribesman said:


> So, at this point, Sat/Sun were both kind of weird because A) *when she gets drunk, I should expect a couple of drunk phone calls through the night/early morning saying she misses me and all that white girl wasted *****, but none of that this time. Oh, she was originally supposed to come back on Saturday, but when I talked to her that morning she had asked if it was okay if she stayed another night cause she didn’t really get a chance to relax yet and the bride’s sister had an open room at her house.


So you had to go there, huh?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Looks like you dont turn her on as much as her new man does. It only gets worse from here on.

Time to move on. Prepare yourself mentally to do that.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I still can't get over the comment made to her girl friend..."I have no regrets".....

I mean of all things to tell your friend....I mean maybe " what i did was wrong sorry for leaving hanging at the hotel" or " I should have never done this to you or my boyfriend"....

WTF OP's chick just got some strange.....

On a side note this sound like her 1st time cuz she could not pull it off when she got home. Her guilt gave her @ss away IMHO. Sure no regrets but it sound like she has some guilt.

I mean it sounds like she is trying to push OP away.

Guys when a chick is into her man she misses the hell out of them and the 1st thing they want is that warm lips and hug that says I missed you....

OP knows damn well what the score was now the hard part is get over the betrayal and letting go.

For what its worth the best way to let her go is spy on her and see how she really thinks of you.

In fact would this be a good case to confront OM and inform him that his new girl friend has a live in boy friend?

I would be curious if the OM even knows?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Honestly, after reading the text messages, when she came home from her hike you should have had her phone in your hand, and fired the first shot over her head and told her that she either explains it TO YOUR SATISFACTION or the next shot would be between the eyes and have done it in a way that she would know that her ass was on the line. 

What she did was unacceptable. You know it. I know it. All the people that have replied here know it. Most of all, she knows it. What you have done is make your own life a living hell, and gave her the time to figure out what to do just in case she gets caught. Come up with a half baked story. Think of a place to stay when or if she gets the heave ho. You have all the proof you need not only in her behavior but the reason for it. If you would have confronted her as soon as she came home, she wouldn't have the time to come up with anything solid. 

If she got pissed that you thumbed through her phone, you could have looked the woman in the eye and told her that she had no problem having some guy thumbing through your relationship. You had the upper hand and let it slip through your hands.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> A bunch. A GF is a much lesser commitment and investment.


Less investment than a wife, probably yes.

Lesser commitment? Probably no. 

The belief that marriage implies a higher level of commitment is generally false. Especially nowadays. Vows are meaningless and broken as often as the speedlimit.


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## tribesman (Aug 17, 2013)

Found out she's been ditching work and hanging out here at our place when I'm at work during the day. According to the browser history she's been looking up how to take "sexy selfies" and parking prices at the airport.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

tribesman said:


> Found out she's been ditching work and hanging out here at our place when I'm at work during the day. According to the browser history she's been looking up how to take "sexy selfies" and parking prices at the airport.


You know what to do.

Move on and be happy.


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## tribesman (Aug 17, 2013)

This sucks


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

tribesman said:


> This sucks


Sooner you dump her the sooner it gets better.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

tribesman said:


> This sucks


So have you talked to her about these discoveries?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

tribesman

call Robert. You should have his number or get it from her friend.

Call him and let him know your "*****" boyfriend.

Let him know that you know they both screwed over the weekend and that she has an std.

Just let him know you are giving him a headsup.

Then dump your chick. She is a liar, a cheat and just a plain @sshole.

Better you know now.

HM


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

tom67 said:


> So have you talked to her about these discoveries?


What would be the point? She'll most likely deny anything was wrong. 
I wouldn't confront until i was done snooping.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

tainted said:


> What would be the point? She'll most likely deny anything was wrong.
> I wouldn't confront until i was done snooping.


I figured he already had but I like Happyman's idea of the std call.


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

tom67 said:


> I figured he already had but I like Happyman's idea of the std call.


The airport parking lot search got me thinking she might have someone closer.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

tainted said:


> The airport parking lot search got me thinking she might have someone closer.


:iagree::iagree:

Time to cut ties.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

tribesman said:


> Found out she's been ditching work and hanging out here at our place when I'm at work during the day. According to the browser history she's been looking up how to take "sexy selfies" and parking prices at the airport.


She's not a keeper.

And if she's ditching work she won't have $$ for rent.

And the looser lives with his parents.

Dump her very hard, there isn't any need for deep investigation here, she's already trashed any trust you had in her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

tainted said:


> The airport parking lot search got me thinking she might have someone closer.


Why? It sounds like steps thinking of a boot call to AZ for the weekend.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Who has the lease for your apt?

If you do, pack her stuff in garbage bags by the door.

If it's her apt, pack and leave. Do not write a note. Go completely dark on her. Put pictures on Fakebook of you doing real stuff. Take up Cross Fit or rock climbing. Go to a cool local indie rock concert with friends.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

tribesman said:


> This sucks


Yup, but you can come out on top if you play your cards right like I did. 

I was in your shoes and at the time I flat out ask her if she wanted to break up and she just looked at me and cried so I took that as a yes. I went under the assumption that is was over forever and every minute I was with her (someone that didn't want to be with me or at least cheating) was a minute wasted that I could be with someone else. The thought of trying to win her back never occurred to me (that changed later when I got married).

In my case, she moved out and we went NC for about 6 months but I found some important stuff of hers so I dropped it at her place when I knew she wasn't there. She emailed me to thank me and we talked for a bit. Turns out the guy wasn't all that great after all and she assumed I hated her so was afraid to talk to me until I made the first move. 

Apparently going NC on her made me suddenly look good in her eyes (after about 6 weeks or so of NC they start forgetting the negative stuff and start remembering the good stuff) so now she wanted me back. Too bad for her I moved on by then (didn't occur to me to wait lol) and she kinda flipped out. 

This was over 10 years ago and dollars to donuts she tells people I'm the one that got away. 

The same thing can happen to you, just suck it up and tell her to hit the bricks. The less she thinks you care about her the better and the second she realizes you'll be seeing other women she will go nuts. When you show her that you don't need her she will start to want you again.

That being said since she is just a gf give her the boot and replace her. Girls like her are a dime a dozen.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

tribesman said:


> This sucks


My son's GF of five years ended it with him over a year ago. He had a difficult go of it for a while. She was not worth his time, but that is another story. She did not cheat on him but had mental issues. 

He just now got into a new relationship.

Let her go. Sure it sucks, big time, but brother, she is not worth it. She was your GF, in some ways you will look back and be glad that you did not have children or a lot of assets.

Move on.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

ArmyofJuan said:


> Yup, but you can come out on top if you play your cards right like I did.
> 
> I was in your shoes and at the time I flat out ask her if she wanted to break up and she just looked at me and cried so I took that as a yes. I went under the assumption that is was over forever and every minute I was with her (someone that didn't want to be with me or at least cheating) was a minute wasted that I could be with someone else. The thought of trying to win her back never occurred to me (that changed later when I got married).
> 
> ...


This is great advice. You have no legal ties but it is still tough, I know. But do you want to waste ANOTHER 4 years of your life just to have this happen again? She is clearly engaging in inappropriate behavior and she is looking to take this to the next level, if she hasn't already. You can find someone who won't do that to you, and you can love them, too. 

Before my H, I was in a 7 year relationship that just wasn't right. I loved him, but it was a friend, familiar love because we had been together so long. I am so glad I finally got the strength to leave because he was not right for me. I found love again. You will, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> So you had to go there, huh?


Was wondering about that myself.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

vellocet said:


> Was wondering about that myself.


Hard to be sympathetic to someone who has to think of his GF in terms of her race. Says as much about the OP as it does her...


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Is tribesman still around ? Not heard much back after the initial 4 posts of the 60+ posts on this thread.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> ... it means it is over. Move on dude.


This. Unless you want to wait around to be her fall back. She's falling for this guy but he just wants the sex. It WILL end badly for her. I guess you can be there to win her back when she needs a knight in shining armor when he dumps her. Your choice. Things will be great until she finds another.

You have enough. There is no need to prove anything for a divorce or custody. Just ell her you don't think she's into you any more and it is time to move on.

Then just move on. People break up. That's life.


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