# 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos



## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Can the gentlemen of the Lounge shed some light on what it really means when you're H says he wants a motorcycle? Mine says he wants to take road trips with me on the back, which I'm down with. I have the feeling, though, that it may be the mid life thing. How can we navigate this stage gracefully? I want to be a little more financially fit before we do it. I've been asking for this for quite some time. He's very good about being budget conscious since I'm working part time/going to school for a couple semesters. And I've done my best in telling him how much he is appreciated for what he does/is doing everyday. He's assured me that he's on board with that, but spends his lunch getting info from salesmen.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

You only live once..........as long as retirement is on track I don't see a problem with it at all.

I know guys that have millions and won't spend a dime no doubt their kids will inherit it all. I told my kids they expect the house and life insurance.........cause the rest will be spent!!

It's up to yall though best of luck!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Midlife crisis thing?...Perhaps. He just wants to feel some excitement, and that he is asking you to ride on the back means you are still sexy to him. Sounds like a pretty good past time to spend some money on, I suggest doing whatever you both can to make it happen, and enjoy riding together!


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Go for it. It's great that he wants to take you along too
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Navigate it gracefully? 

I ride - a lot, I have ridden since I was 17. My wife rides. I have a tat. I'm 48 years old.

There is nothing illegal, immoral, or fattening about riding a motorcycle. In fact, my wife started riding about 4-5 years ago and it has done wonders for our relationship. She is more self confident, more fun, more adventurous (She did a solo 2200 mile trip last year) and more open to learning new things (she works on her own bike, I help her).

A bike isn't for everyone. But those that do ride understand that a bike is always someplace to go, always something to do, always a way to make and keep up with friends. The best adventures I have ever had were on a bike.

There is nothing sadder to me as an avid rider to hear some guy say "I would, but my wife won't let me".

Go take the MSF course. It is cheap. It's fun. It will teach you the basics of a motorcycle. And it is something you and your husband can do together. That will show him you take his request seriously. 

Then, once you and he get your license endorsements, you can rent for a day, a weekend, or a trip. That will let you know if you should pursue it further. That will work around the budget issue.

Embrace dreams, live life, step out of the comfort zone.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

My Wife and I ride all the time If this is his first MC I would suggest that he take the rider safety program and get some experience with just him on the bike then gradually add you My wife wanted to learn how to ride so i taught her on a dirt bike then she has progressed to the street we took the rider safety course together it was a blast Nothing is like "Being In The Wind"


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Bit tongue in cheek this, but I’d guess it means he wants a motorcycle.

I think probably the big thing is “why”.

For many it’s freedom, the open road, adventure, something new to learn. I didn’t get a bike until in my 50s. Went off by myself with a compass stuck to the tank and just headed South, West etc. and all points in between. No planning routes or anything. Even had a small tent so I could camp overnight. My wife came out a couple of times, even fell asleep on the back!

For some men these things are a calling. Something we simply must do. You could even think on it as a call of the wild in it’s own way. And I think as such it’s absolutely something the man in him must do.

But it does need some caution and books plus advanced training can pay great benefits.


And what if it is a mid life thing? We all go through it but different men navigate the passage in different ways. For some it’s seriously tough and demanding, for others its all smooth and plain sailing.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Hehe... I did that as well as most of my male friends. Cars though, not motorcycles. It has more to do with where I am in life. I’ve always wanted a off-roader. But marriage, young kids, career, etc. just made it impractical. Now, I’m 44, successful, and my kids are middle school and somewhat self-sufficient. I’ve got money and space for the toys. So I got it (also part of my recovery from co-dependancy). They aren’t practical, they aren’t a ‘smart’ choice, but they sure are fun.. My wife doesn’t like it. These things don’t fit into her fantasy world. Welcome to the male fantasy world of cars, bikes and things that go boom. I’m still young enough to indulge in a teenage boy’s dream and old enough to afford it.


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> You only live once..........*as long as retirement is on track I don't see a problem with it at all.*


Not in the least. He's convinced retirement isn't going be an option.... I'm a planner (financial, schedule, etc.) I want to be as debt free as possible with $$$ in the savings. 



Lon said:


> Midlife crisis thing?...Perhaps. He just wants to feel some excitement, and* that he is asking you to ride on the back means you are still sexy to him.* Sounds like a pretty good past time to spend some money on, I suggest doing whatever you both can to make it happen, and enjoy riding together!


With the leathers he suggested for me while I'm riding with him, I'm certain that's true.  And I would really love for us to start taking that time together now that the kids are getting more independent. 

The thing is, this is next in the line of "I'm getting this surfboard so I can get into surfing", "I'm getting this mountain bike so I can get back in shape for you" (he knows about my affinity for a man's "cycling thigh"), and now "I want a motorcycle". Don't get me wrong, if I could bring home a vintage Porsche 356 for him, I would in a heartbeat. We just are nowhere near where we should be financially for the bike.



Racer said:


> Hehe... I did that as well as most of my male friends. Cars though, not motorcycles. It has more to do with where I am in life. I’ve always wanted a off-roader. But marriage, young kids, career, etc. just made it impractical. Now, I’m 44, successful, and my kids are middle school and somewhat self-sufficient. I’ve got money and space for the toys. So I got it (also part of my recovery from co-dependancy). *They aren’t practical, they aren’t a ‘smart’ choice, but they sure are fun..* My wife doesn’t like it. These things don’t fit into her fantasy world. Welcome to the male fantasy world of cars, bikes and things that go boom. I’m still young enough to indulge in a teenage boy’s dream and old enough to afford it.


Agreed! I hate being the reality check, though. He rebuilt a 58 VW, I have a 58 that I want to rebuild (with ALOT of his help  so I can definitely get into the fun part of the cars, bikes etc.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

You can rent a bike at just about every Harley dealer once you get a license.

No need to own one or pay insurance. If after a couple of rides it doesn't pan out, no big investment. If it does pan out, you can sell it later.

and leather chaps on a woman..........yea that too.


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> You can rent a bike at just about every Harley dealer once you get a license.
> 
> No need to own one or pay insurance. If after a couple of rides it doesn't pan out, no big investment. If it does pan out, you can sell it later.
> 
> and leather chaps on a woman..........yea that too.


Renting is a great idea. I'll have to see if anyone rents a Triumph, though. Maybe I'll just find a good pair of leather chaps and we'll never make it as far as getting on a bike!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Thought about getting one even had one lined up to buy . Went out for a couple of rides and is was a blast. But in the end I just felt puckered the whole time like some teenager on a cell phone or texting and driving was going to run me over. 

I work around hospitals and a fair bit of the time in the ER seems all summer long everyday someone comes in there all f----- up.

dosn't matter whos fault it is your still dead or injured bad.

For me the decision was easy I rather see my kids graduate colledge and get married than take a chance of them not having a dad.

Once their on their way it will be revisited for sure.

I have a lot of biker friends and even a few dead ones.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I used to ride. I dumped a few and gave it up under protest per Wifenstein's directives. I was never all that seriously injured, a few broken bones here and there. No worse than a few farm accidents when I was a kid. 

FYI my sister totaled my VW broadsiding a motorcycle and he was ok. On the other hand, I knew a gent who got sucked off his bike in the wake of a semi and spent weeks in the hospital debriding his wounds. Funny thing was that years later he was killed on his bicycle running a stop sign at night. 

FYI-2 the largest %age of motorcycle head injuries are to the lower face and jaw. This is because they don't get a full face helmet. Get a full face helmet.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Yeah, it's the mid-life crisis thing. Been there and done that! The list of things will only continue.....


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

If your 43 year old husband wants to ride something new, I suggest you buy the motorcycle. It's far and away the best option you can hope for.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

My ex told me I couldn't have a motorcycle.

Nothing better than riding out in the country and getting a blow job in the woods.

Get the leather - wear the leather.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If he wants a Harley with an 18 year old in a halter top on back, it's a midlife crisis. If he just wants to ride with you, it means he's a guy. I ride. Lots of my friends ride. My wife loves to ride with me. It's great way to enjoy the outdoors and have something to talk about with your friends. I used to ride a lot when I was young but then I became husband and dad and was too responsible to ride for over 20 years. Now that kids are grown, why not?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

What it really means is He wants a motorcycle! don't over think it.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

I just turned 50...got my motorcycle last September after taking the class and I love it. He wants to take you with him? If this is something he really wants why not? It's something you can do together, it's exciting and if you are thinking of being economical...just think of all the gas he'll save on the bike. Mine gets almost 70 miles to a gallon.


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Conrad said:


> My ex told me I couldn't have a motorcycle.
> 
> Nothing better than riding out in the country and getting a blow job in the woods.
> 
> *Get the leather - wear the leather.*


That should be on a T-shirt... kind of like "leave the gun, take the Canoles" 



unbelievable said:


> *If he wants a Harley with an 18 year old in a halter top on back, *it's a midlife crisis. If he just wants to ride with you, it means he's a guy. I ride. Lots of my friends ride. My wife loves to ride with me. It's great way to enjoy the outdoors and have something to talk about with your friends. I used to ride a lot when I was young but then I became husband and dad and was too responsible to ride for over 20 years. Now that kids are grown, why not?


I'm pretty sure that info wouldn't be shared with me even if it were part of the reason  But as a woman, it's hard not to default to the stereotypical scenario of a midlife crisis that includes the 18 year old.

*


Stonewall said:



What it really means is He wants a motorcycle! don't over think it.

Click to expand...

*
That's not easy for me, I'm very analytical... we've recently had some issues with transparency that we're working through (and I have to say he's been very open to talking/working through it after I expressed my concerns) so it's hard to not over think it in the context of the last year



Mrs. T said:


> I just turned 50...got my motorcycle last September after taking the class and I love it. He wants to take you with him? If this is something he really wants why not? It's something you can do together, it's exciting and if you are thinking of being economical...just think of all the gas he'll save on the bike. Mine gets almost 70 miles to a gallon.


I'm definitely into the mpg part of it and the fun we'd have, but with less than $1000 in savings and some debt, I'd rather be a little more financially secure, that's the "planner" in me.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Why does everyone call it a "crisis"???? I hate that. Hell, I had a BLAST! Motorcycle, tattoo....fun stuff. I sold the bike over a year ago but will get another one. And I still want one more tattoo.

Go for it. You two will have a great time traveling around. As they say, only motorcycle owners truly know why dogs like to stick their heads out of the car windows!!!

Open Road Music Video - YouTube


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## unhappy1 (Apr 17, 2012)

Its probably something he has thought about for years and just put off. They are alot of fun. My wife wont get near mine and it has often bothered me. Enjoy it as a couple!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

It becomes a crisis when you can’t turn the mid-life dreams, visions of the future you have into reality.

Getting a motorcycle should be easy, a no brainer. Right? Well it obviously isn’t in this particular case as the guy’s being somewhat thwarted by his wife. Maybe for very good financial reasons, but he still can’t turn that particular dream into a reality.

Unless he just goes out and does it. Which of course will just create displeasure and resentment in his wife. Obviously that’s not good.


It’s far better for them both to sit down and talk of their individual dreams and goals for the second half of their lives. Then see if there’s commonality in their dreams such as they can both work on them as a team to make their dreams a reality.

Because as sure as eggs are eggs if they don’t have commonality in their dreams, goals and objectives they may well both end up having a mid-life-crisis that could very well last for years until they wrench apart from one another.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

There's a much better chance she shows up with the 18 y/o on the back if she says no.


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Hubby and I are avid riders...take cross country trips, etc...I ride my own (have for 15 years) and he has is own....

I had my own personal mid life crisis last year...BOUGHT A BRAND NEW ONE! Now hubby has more time to ride...he doesn't have to keep my old one running. 

SO MUCH FUN! GO FOR IT!


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

AFEH said:


> It becomes a crisis when you can’t turn the mid-life dreams, visions of the future you have into reality.
> 
> Getting a motorcycle should be easy, a no brainer. Right? Well it obviously isn’t in this particular case as the guy’s being *somewhat thwarted by his wife.* Maybe for very good financial reasons, but he still can’t turn that particular dream into a reality.
> 
> ...


*


Conrad said:



There's a much better chance she shows up with the 18 y/o on the back if she says no.

Click to expand...

*I'm sure it's not the intention, but this reminds me of some people that want to fulfill their dreams regardless of their spouses goals/dreams. They want what they want now, and if you don't go along, it's your fault that they made choices that were solely in their best interest. Sometimes this includes stepping outside the marriage. "See, look what your questions made me do".


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> Hubby and I are avid riders...take cross country trips, etc...I ride my own (have for 15 years) and he has is own....
> 
> I had my own personal mid life crisis last year...BOUGHT A BRAND NEW ONE! Now hubby has more time to ride...he doesn't have to keep my old one running.
> 
> SO MUCH FUN! GO FOR IT!


I would LOVE to be in a position to say "Hell, yeah! Let's go at lunch and drive one off the lot, head out today for a road trip!" I am absolutely thrilled that this dream of his includes me on the back of the bike!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chasing_rainbows said:


> I would LOVE to be in a position to say "Hell, yeah! Let's go at lunch and drive one off the lot, head out today for a road trip!" I am absolutely thrilled that this dream of his includes me on the back of the bike!


Then make it work.

Show him how thrilled you are by doing something about it rather than giving him the "yes, but"


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

chasing_rainbows said:


> I would LOVE to be in a position to say "Hell, yeah! Let's go at lunch and drive one off the lot, head out today for a road trip!" I am absolutely thrilled that this dream of his includes me on the back of the bike!


Don't think in absolutes.

Instead say " I'll go with you and look, if you promise me that we won't buy until we have discussed it at home."

Ask what model he is looking at, then learn about it and the difference between it and other brands.

Discuss what a "Trip" is. Are you going to be multi-week, mega mile road warriors (I am) or are you going to be weekend in the country riders or are you going to do short hops on sunny Saturdays? Answering those questions will narrow your bike needs down and give you a better idea of cost.

You don't necessarily need to become the Biker Babe from Hell overnight (but I do wish you well) to make his dreams valid. You just need to let his enthusiasm sweep you up a little. Just by showing a true interest in what he is thinking goes a long, long way. I am a man who likes big loud toys. I love when my wife "gets it" even if she doesn't always agree. Her gift at the beginning of the year was a guys racing weekend in some ultra expensive cars-What a gal.:smnotworthy:

P.S. Find some random question to hit him with that lets him know you are looking..."Hey, what kind of performance gains would we get if you installed a Mikuni 42mm Smoothbore on that?":rofl:


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Better to beg forgiveness,

than ask for permission.....LOL


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Then make it work.
> 
> Show him how thrilled you are by doing something about it rather than giving him the "yes, but"


Already trying! I've been able to eliminate a little debt so far. Every bit helps. We're a 1 1/2 income family since '08 and as CFO, I've managed to keep us going after a big pay cut. 



Mistys dad said:


> Don't think in absolutes.
> 
> Instead say " I'll go with you and look, if you promise me that we won't buy until we have discussed it at home."
> 
> ...


 SAY WHAT!!!?????

He made his choice already and assured me that he wouldn't get one without us talking before. I've asked him about both of us taking the safety courses, maybe renting a bike to get the feel of a short road trip at first.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

chasing_rainbows said:


> SAY WHAT!!!?????


It's a little humor. 

My wife's first "project" was installing a Mikuni Carburator on my second bike while I talked her through it. She was so cute for the next few weeks when she had that phrase stuck in her head.

She would see a bike and ask " Hey what kind of performance gains could we get if we installed a Mikuni 42 millimeter smoothbore on that?"


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I was going to say, 42mm sounds a bit short where it counts - even if it is a smoothbore.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chasing_rainbows said:


> Already trying! I've been able to eliminate a little debt so far. Every bit helps. We're a 1 1/2 income family since '08 and as CFO, I've managed to keep us going after a big pay cut.
> 
> SAY WHAT!!!?????
> 
> He made his choice already and assured me that he wouldn't get one without us talking before. I've asked him about both of us taking the safety courses, maybe renting a bike to get the feel of a short road trip at first.


Rental is around $150/day.

Safety - how to ride - courses are about $3-400.00

Japanese bikes (I know not Harley's) are very dependable and give you really good value - especially used.

You can do this.

If you're anywhere near me, I can hook you up with a fantastic used bike market. And no, they're not stolen.


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Due to the crappy economy...you can find some great used deals out there....BUT buyer beware.......I would recommend going thru a dealer even for used if you inexperienced.....

And stay away from those Mikuni's....I have seen them catch fire

Maybe that was the Shovelheads fault.......


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

The local college here offers the MSF course for $130 per person. You use their bikes.

The local Harley dealer does it for like $275.00 but they limit the class size to 12 people max with 2 instructors. Then they give $100.00 credit if you buy from them. They have their own bikes as well.

The local Harley dealer here also rents and sells Triumphs. Cost is around 140 a day depending on model. That includes all the gear (helmets, rain gear etc.)

Here is the link to MSF

http://msf-usa.org/index_new.cfm?spl=2&action=display&pagename=RiderCourse Info

Highly recomend the course. 

I learned "old school". Bought a bike, no idea how to ride, twenty minutes later I was on the interstate at 80mph. 6 month later, in the hospital. Good times, good times.


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> The local college here offers the MSF course for $130 per person. You use their bikes.
> 
> The local Harley dealer does it for like $275.00 but they limit the class size to 12 people max with 2 instructors. Then they give $100.00 credit if you buy from them. They have their own bikes as well.
> 
> ...


You said the magic word! I've gotten online about renting one. Looks like it will be a challenge to find a Triumph.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Give us a general idea where you are located.

Another option is to take a weekend away. Fly in and rent.

My wife and I do that on occasion.


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

I took the course @ the local college back in 1996....I had been riding on the back since I was about 8....best thing I ever did....we were all beginners so it was comfortable...having experienced riders to ride with after the class will form good habits and skills that will protect you and keep you safe.

SAFETY GEAR...VIP!!! Don't be THAT GUY/GIRL YOU SEE IN FLIP FLOPS & SHORTS!! Save the assless chaps for IN the house, lol...


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> Give us a general idea where you are located.
> 
> Another option is to take a weekend away. Fly in and rent.
> 
> My wife and I do that on occasion.


The closest metropolitan city is Houston, but I do have a boat load of frequent flyer miles to work with.:smthumbup:


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Eaglerider has locations in Dallas and Houston-Stafford.

They are a worldwide rental company and easy to deal with. They carry all kinds of bikes including Triumph. One benefit of Eaglerider is one-way rentals, very few places offer that without big bucks.

You could rent someplace and ride back to your local location and drop off there at the end of the trip.

888-900-9901 

Have fun.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Mistys dad said:


> Better to beg forgiveness,
> 
> than ask for permission.....LOL


That's exactly what my estranged husband said after he bought a 30 foot boat....and what he said after he bought the 34 foot boat,... and the party clothes,....and the two trips to the Bahamas.... and the motorcycle,....and the Rolex watch, and.....

I think you get the picture. Hope OP isn't headed down that path.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

_*I've never said no, I just think finances should be stable. No retirement, less than $1000 in savings and 20K in debt isn't where you want to start.*_


Given the above I think your H is being irresponsible. A bike’s only going to add to your problems and maybe resentment as well.


Why not have a plan to get your debt down by 50% (or to zero!!!) and then get a bike? Delayed gratification like this is immensely important in a person’s life.

But basically, as you’ve been saying, you simply cannot afford to have a bike plus it will add to your financial burden. And as you’ve probably already considered you’ll carry debt into your 50s and 60s and without any retirement money!

They reckon in the UK it’s not unusual for someone to have personal debt of $70,000 in addition to the mortgage! These things are created by those who live now, pay later as you well know.

It’s even worse there now as the interest only mortgages are coming to an end. People can’t afford the capital repayment mortgage and so are having to sell the home they’d thought they’d be in to the end. And then they find they can’t afford to pay current rental charges out of what little retirement income they have.


I sincerely hope your H sees the light!


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> Eaglerider has locations in Dallas and Houston-Stafford.
> 
> They are a worldwide rental company and easy to deal with. They carry all kinds of bikes including Triumph. One benefit of Eaglerider is one-way rentals, very few places offer that without big bucks.
> 
> ...


There are no Triumphs in Texas! Miami or L.A.:scratchhead:



AFEH said:


> Given the above I think your H is being irresponsible. A bike’s only going to add to your problems and maybe resentment as well.
> 
> Why not have a plan to get your debt down by 50% (or to zero!!!) and then get a bike? Delayed gratification like this is immensely important in a person’s life.
> 
> ...


I am trying to get him to see the reality. I don't like being the buzz kill. For our kids, we chose to have me work part time. That worked for some time until everything we need to live has quadrupled in price. That's the new reality. I am finishing some classes and will look for a full time job, as the kids are older and more independent. I've already begun the process of eliminating unnecessary debt. The fact I can make some progress even with less income speaks to how close we are to being better prepared financially. It's just a matter of a little patience on both are parts.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I'm a life long motorcyclist. $1000.00 in savings at 43 is not a good situation. Decent gear costs that much. What type of bike is he looking at?


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Enginerd said:


> I'm a life long motorcyclist. $1000.00 in savings at 43 is not a good situation. Decent gear costs that much. What type of bike is he looking at?


Exactly.... he wants a Thruxton. It's a beautiful (and not that expensive) bike, but we've got kids, we're "relatively" young with "some" time to put $$ away. It's just not possible for me to wrap my brain around getting a bike before we get our s**t together.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Don't do this.

Is there a compromise?

A way he can work extra to put away designated money for this?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I'm facing the reality that you probably already see coming. My wife didn't work for a few years after our children were born, but gradually added hours as the years passed. Next year, college will cost us about $60k per year, since we do not want them to have debt after graduation. I also took a beating in the retirement plans during the downturn, which we've been rebuilding since.

My wife approaches finances similar to you. She's willing to sacrifice. It doesn't come to me as easily, but I think I'm okay. I wanted to take the children campling while they were young enough to enjoy it, and while we lived in a great location with a work assignment. My wife's idea of "roughing it" is Holiday Inn Express, though. So, I wanted a camper. Our agreement was to find a way to save enough monthly, or find extra income, to cover it. Also, I wanted to assure her that it wasn't just a passing phase, so I would first save enough through this plan to pay a good down payment. We bought it, used it a few years, then sold it before relocating to a new job (actually made a profit thanks to friends who really wanted it).

In a situation like this, I think it is smart to look for ways to save for it without sacrificing your long term goals.


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Halien said:


> I'm facing the reality that you probably already see coming. My wife didn't work for a few years after our children were born, but gradually added hours as the years passed. Next year, college will cost us about $60k per year, since we do not want them to have debt after graduation. I also took a beating in the retirement plans during the downturn, which we've been rebuilding since.
> 
> My wife approaches finances similar to you. She's willing to sacrifice. It doesn't come to me as easily, but I think I'm okay. I wanted to take the children campling while they were young enough to enjoy it, and while we lived in a great location with a work assignment. My wife's idea of "roughing it" is Holiday Inn Express, though. So, I wanted a camper. Our agreement was to find a way to save enough monthly, or find extra income, to cover it. Also, I wanted to assure her that it wasn't just a passing phase, so I would first save enough through this plan to pay a good down payment. We bought it, used it a few years, then sold it before relocating to a new job (actually made a profit thanks to friends who really wanted it).
> 
> In a situation like this, I think it is smart to look for ways to *save for it without sacrificing your long term goals.*


I guess my thing is that if there's enough motivation to save for the bike, where's that motivation to be free of needless debt? I'm not perfect, but my first thought when I have unexpected income is to get rid of some bit of debt that accumulates interest.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

chasing_rainbows said:


> I guess my thing is that if there's enough motivation to save for the bike, where's that motivation to be free of needless debt? I'm not perfect, but my first thought when I have unexpected income is to get rid of some bit of debt that accumulates interest.


I agree, but you are probably the only one who can really decide if you think this is important enough to outweigh the risk.

Its really hard to convey how good it feels to eliminate debt to someone who wants a big ticket item, though.


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## MominMayberry (Mar 27, 2012)

She said in her first post that they dont have money and why is every body telling her to go for it or worse one man said if he doesnt get the bike he will go for some other woman. The man is 43 years old and she is a student and have no money. Cycles are expensive and repair and insurance to. Telling her to go for it is not smart thing. Do you have kids and savings for education? I watch a woman named Suzie Orman and she says unless you have 6 months of salary savings that any thing over $500 doesnt happen for luxury un less you have 6 months savings. You are in debt and have 1,000 in savings and he wants to spend money you dont have. That is wrong and will hurt you and family.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

While I believe that a husband has the right to want something, the practical side is there too.

So, look at the following cost with him before he makes a decision.

Insurance, not only bike, but health. Many bike policies do not include personal injury. As a new rider, don't cheap on the insurance or you may find out a small accident will sideline the bike because of repair costs. Inexperienced rider insurance can be $$$. My wife costs 4 times what mine is for the same coverage.

Gear.

While I believe in personal choice when I ride, you need to decide what gear is right for you. 

Helmets cost anywhere from $40.00 to $1000.00 and every range in between. Cheap helmets are just that-Cheap.

Riding gear. Leathers or textiles is your choice but decent riding gear costs large dollars. If you are OK with jeans and a Tee-shirt, that's your business. You don't dress for the ride, you dress for the accident. For two people, plan on at least $1000.00 to start.

Rain gear. Because not every day is sunny and rain always finds a way to get between you and where you are headed. 

There will be tools, manuals, covers, modifications and other costs that will need to be considered as well. Those will be harder to define and will be bought "as needed".

And of course your tattoo. You certainly don't want a strip mall, carbon copy, tramp stamp. Hold out for the real artists.:moon:


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

MominMayberry said:


> She said in her first post that they dont have money and why is every body telling her to go for it or worse one man said if he doesnt get the bike he will go for some other woman. The man is 43 years old and she is a student and have no money. Cycles are expensive and repair and insurance to. Telling her to go for it is not smart thing. Do you have kids and savings for education? I watch a woman named Suzie Orman and she says unless you have 6 months of salary savings that any thing over $500 doesnt happen for luxury un less you have 6 months savings. You are in debt and have 1,000 in savings and he wants to spend money you dont have. That is wrong and will hurt you and family.


"Everybody" is telling her to go for it?

Did you read the responces? It seems like lots of reasonable answers to a reasonable question including different work arounds on how to look at it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chasing_rainbows said:


> I guess my thing is that if there's enough motivation to save for the bike, where's that motivation to be free of needless debt? I'm not perfect, but my first thought when I have unexpected income is to get rid of some bit of debt that accumulates interest.


Be honest.

You keep asking these questions, but there's resentment here.

Own it.


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## MominMayberry (Mar 27, 2012)

Atholk said:


> If your 43 year old husband wants to ride something new, I suggest you buy the motorcycle. It's far and away the best option you can hope for.


You sell books telling men how to act and say this? No money no future of retire and scare her with cheating to get him a cycle they dont have money for? He is 43 with no savings and no retire money but spend what they have on a cycle. Maybe they can change it to have a tent on it so that they can spend old age in it.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

*Chasing Rainbows* question for someone who posts as if they are on top of everything financially where is the retirement? 

Why are you guys early 40's with no retirement?

I would say definitely do not buy a bike with 1000 bucks in the bank, 20K debt, and zero retirement.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> "Everybody" is telling her to go for it?
> 
> Did you read the responces? It seems like lots of reasonable answers to a reasonable question including different work arounds on how to look at it.


Maybe use the bike as goal for when the wife is out of school 

ex. i was working on my executive mba and the wife said as a grad present i could get whatever bike i wanted so that what we did. Fast forward 4 yrs later she wants a chopper style bike and i told her as soon as she is finished getting her family practioners license or PA license she could get whatever she wanted so it works both ways


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## MominMayberry (Mar 27, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> "Everybody" is telling her to go for it?
> 
> Did you read the responces? It seems like lots of reasonable answers to a reasonable question including different work arounds on how to look at it.


3 pages tell her to do it and she says her first post they dont have money. They are broke and yet go for the cycle. They need to save money and take care of bills and have money for retire. Rent a cycle for $150 hour is more then 10% of savings and people say do it. This is bad advise. Save money until you afford to have more savings and then do what you want.


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> *Chasing Rainbows* *question for someone who posts as if they are on top of everything financially *where is the retirement?
> 
> Why are you guys early 40's with no retirement?
> 
> I would say definitely do not buy a bike with 1000 bucks in the bank, 20K debt, and zero retirement.


I went back through my posts, didn't see anything other than saying that we've "managed" considering the decrease in income and skyrocketing cost of living.




MominMayberry said:


> You sell books telling men how to act and say this? No money no future of retire and *scare her with cheating to get him a cycle they dont have money for*? He is 43 with no savings and no retire money but spend what they have on a cycle. Maybe they can change it to have a tent on it so that they can spend old age in it.


Regardless of wanting a motorcycle, if that's all it took for him to cheat, I'd help him pack and let the "18 year old" do his laundry. That lack of a moral compass is intrinsic in a person who would use the excuse of "my wife doesn't want me to have a bike, so I'll show her........."



Conrad said:


> Be honest.
> 
> You keep asking these questions, but there's resentment here.
> 
> Own it.


Already have. I didn't think my resentment was obscure from my posts.



Conrad said:


> Don't do this.
> 
> *Is there a compromise?*
> 
> A way he can work extra to put away designated money for this?


Absolutely. Once we've gotten to where we should be financially, like the Suze Orman concept, we can both look at what we can do to fulfill some of the wants once the needs are met.



Mistys dad said:


> And of course your tattoo. You certainly don't want a strip mall, carbon copy, tramp stamp. Hold out for the real artists.:moon:


Exactly!:rofl::rofl:


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## MominMayberry (Mar 27, 2012)

chasing_rainbows said:


> I went back through my posts, didn't see anything other than saying that we've "managed" considering the decrease in income and skyrocketing cost of living.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Save money and buy off what you owe. Save 6 months salary and then buy the cycle. You are smart.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

chasing_rainbows said:


> Absolutely. Once we've gotten to where we should be financially, like the Suze Orman concept, we can both look at what we can do to fulfill some of the wants once the needs are met.


Aside from the motorcycle, does your husband share your opinion on the importance of eliminating debt?

I agree that it would be so much better if he put aside this purchase until things were better off financially, but its really unfair to you if you are having to be the grown up when it comes to money.

When my wife and I got really serious about saving/eliminating debt earlier in our marriage, we set up periodic goals along the way. For example, we could schedule a certain vacation when high interest debt was paid off, then another thing we wanted when we paid off the last vehicle that we would finance, and on and on. The economic downturn seriously delayed our biggest goal so far, which involved buying the farm that my grandparents owned, but an uncle sold after their death. But we slowly recovered the losses, and this approach of periodic goals helps us. The thing is, we just got much more minimalist as the years passed, so we would never dream of spending money like my coworkers.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Retirement, that's a funny joke.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

It is a funny joke. As if any significant proportion of us are actually going to retire.

Here's what I see.

The financial situation says it's not the "right time" for a bike.

But, I get the idea that the motorcycle request is the tip of the iceberg. He's asking for it because he's afraid to ask for what he really wants.

He should likely read the Nice Guy sticky.

The OP should take note that her husband thinks that being married to her is not much fun.

Guys like to have fun with their wives. I know asking for a motorcycle was a last-ditch effort for me to "have fun" with my now EX wife.

Gather from that what you will.


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## Marielle (Mar 28, 2012)

Conrad said:


> It is a funny joke. As if any significant proportion of us are actually going to retire.
> 
> Here's what I see.
> 
> ...


I was about to recite my mantra "Don't spend what you don't have" until I saw your post. I sincerely hope the motorcycle request doesn't equal the tip of the iceberg for the op and her husband, but now I see how this "could" be something seriously deeper. However, the OP says "I am absolutely thrilled that this dream of his includes me on the back of the bike!" Given how he wants to include her in the "fun," do you still see this as a "last ditch" thing? 

Anyway, I really like your straight-forward honesty, Conrad.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

It "could be" last ditch if she denies him the fun.

It was for me.

FYI


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

my husband at 52 bought the motorcycle, got the tattoos, and had an EA. thank god we are good now. I ride, even though I said I wouldnt, because my hubs loves riding, my kids are grown, and if I dont ride, then he will go out and enjoy it himself or be tempted to find someone who does. We had one when we were younger, but sold it when the kids came. Once the kids were old enough, he pestered me for 2 years. Let him get it and help him enjoy it.


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

a weekend full of prepping for finals this week..... one down two to go.....



Halien said:


> Aside from the motorcycle, *does your husband share your opinion on the importance of eliminating debt?*
> 
> He might see the logic, but he's an artist, you know, right brain, creative, emotional, live in the moment kind of guy. I'm like my dad, analysis/outcome, best rate of return on time/money investment, etc.
> 
> ...





Conrad said:


> It *is a funny joke. As if any significant proportion of us are actually going to retire.*
> 
> I have to agree
> 
> ...


Interesting to note that your last ditch effort was a want/desire of yours. Again, not knowing the details, I can only guess that every effort was made to talk about BOTH of your wants/desires to save the relationship.




bellamaxjoy said:


> my husband at 52 bought the motorcycle, got the tattoos, and had an EA. thank god we are good now. I ride, even though I said I wouldnt, because my hubs loves riding, my kids are grown, and if I dont ride, then he will go out and enjoy it himself or be tempted to find someone who does. We had one when we were younger, but sold it when the kids came. Once the kids were old enough, he pestered me for 2 years. *Let him get it and help him enjoy it.*


We're talking a lot about how to get there, but the smart way


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chasing_rainbows said:


> a weekend full of prepping for finals this week..... one down two to go.....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This is where you'd be wrong.

The relationship was working great for her - as we hear so many times.

I think you already have your mind made up.

I'll bow out now.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

On Ebay, just saw a 2011 Triumph for less than $7K and one 45 years older for $18K. Think of it as an investment.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Yeah, it's not so much fun when the repo man shows up for the motorcycle. Don't count on things like this as an investment. Perhaps if you pay cash and not finance them. My estranged husband's motorcycle got repossessed and they are still after him for thousands $.


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## chasing_rainbows (Apr 3, 2012)

Conrad said:


> This is where you'd be wrong.
> 
> The relationship was working great for her - as we hear so many times.
> I don't know.... I see a lot of ladies on here looking for advice/direction from those with experience in marriage issues.....
> ...


I have made up my mind, to figure out how we can get him a bike that we both can enjoy together and paying off debt so that we don't have that weight around our necks. We both will have to deal with the fact that we can't do either overnight. 

Sorry to hear you're bowing out, not everyone is going to see things the same. I've appreciated that this thread has given me ideas on how to show I'm on board with what he wants. It doesn't have to always be "he'll get an 18 year old if you say no" or "being married to you isn't fun". But anyway, I wish you the best, definitely.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Alrigth. KanDo man has to confess that I have a big V twin in touring configuration and love it! I've ridden for more than 20 years and finally bought a big bike a few years ago after a many year hiatus. Got it used from a dealer with only 1000 miles and it is perfect. 

Small price to pay if the two of you will enjoy it. I would have the hubby rent one before committing and make sure he takes some training if he isn't a rider already.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

sometimes men need to be boys.


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