# Romance, Religion and Loneliness



## Justice44 (Apr 5, 2010)

Religion and romance are often cultural instruments that are used to cure loneliness and establish a purpose in life. People fear if they fail to have at least one of these things, they will suffer some type of intangible loneliness. Many people strongly believe that strong platonic relationships are not enough to eliminate loneliness. A solid romantic relationship is the only way to avoid the pain of being lonely. In addition, many people contend that atheists also suffer from intangible loneliness even if they have strong romantic, platonic and family relationships. What is this intangible loneliness that romance and religion resolves? 

The second cherished axiom of romance and religion is that it makes you “complete.” What does being “complete” mean? If anyone can provide any insight concerning any of these questions, it would be greatly appreciated.
Note: I am using the word romance in the following context:
Being in love and/or loving someone in the romantic sense.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

If you are a Christian and believer in God it's very simple. We are created by God and instinctively know that we are created. Just as we know a watch we see lying on the beach was created by something intelligent, we know that us, being infinitely more complex then a watch were also created. We are created by God and naturally want to be close to that creator just as we want to be close to our parents. Understanding and knowing that there is a purpose in life that means something, that there is something else brings meaning and a completeness to ones life that simply isn't obtainable any other way. 

Romantic relationships are directly related to this. God created man and woman to be with each other. He created Eve from the very flesh and bone of Adam, and for that reason, the Bible says, Adam called her woman, and, for that reason a man is to leave mother and father and be united to his wife to become one flesh. In order to be one we want/need/crave to be with our wives or husbands. 

Feeling complete is exactly how it sounds. Or perhaps it's easier to explain what how you feel when you're not complete. You feel empty or like there is a hole in your life. Perhaps life doesn't have the meaning you think it should and you keep searching for something. Feeling complete is the absence of this hole, you aren't searching for meaning because you have it. 

enough rambling, just my $0.02


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I see it even more simply, and I will posit it using atheism.

We are inherently programmed to seek that which gives us pleasure and avoid that which causes us pain.

If one associates pleasure with the social reinforcement of being accepted and nurtured by a partner, group, organization or faith, then that becomes part of the social matrix that contributes to your sense of well being and you continue to pursue any or all of those interactions.

If in turn you associate pain with the above, by being ostracized, bullied, rejected, manipulated, betrayed or abused, then you end up with a different social matrix that stresses avoidance as a coping mechanism, or at worst, an aberrant social matrix that translates into the pursuit of experiencing or inflicting rejection, manipulation, betrayal and abuse.

Romance is a cultural construct to make the pursuit of sex more culturally acceptable and orderly. Romance is about sex. Pursuing a partner is about sex (with window dressing and throw pillows tossed in). Every organism on the planet exists for one purpose; to reproduce itself, aka 'doing it'. We're good at doing it, I can produce 6.7 billion pieces of proof.

Take romance and religion out of the equation, and something else would simply fill the void.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Justice44 said:


> Religion and romance are often cultural instruments that are used to cure loneliness and establish a purpose in life. People fear if they fail to have at least one of these things, they will suffer some type of intangible loneliness. Many people strongly believe that strong platonic relationships are not enough to eliminate loneliness. A solid romantic relationship is the only way to avoid the pain of being lonely. In addition, many people contend that atheists also suffer from intangible loneliness even if they have strong romantic, platonic and family relationships. What is this intangible loneliness that romance and religion resolves?
> 
> The second cherished axiom of romance and religion is that it makes you “complete.” What does being “complete” mean? If anyone can provide any insight concerning any of these questions, it would be greatly appreciated.
> Note: I am using the word romance in the following context:
> Being in love and/or loving someone in the romantic sense.


I think you seem to reduce romance and religion to antidotes to existential pain or, to put it another way, your glass seems to be half-empty. I'd like to suggest that - let's add art to the mixture too - these are the roots of the great creative forces in life. Religion, romance and art are like tools to fashion meaning, coherence and fulfillment in what might otherwise seem a random, purposeless world. I'm an agnostic but reckon the glass is at least half-full! 

Being 'complete' means - to me - that the inner man, my aspirations and my daily life are in harmony. Alas, i'm still working on this!

Can I recommend a short book: 'An Introduction to Jung's Psychology' by Frieda Fordham. Jung was a contemporary of Freud but founded his own work on a life-time's study of how religion, myth and art shape individual and community experience. You might find his stuff interesting.


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## AaeonAgas.si (May 5, 2010)

Obviously, different relationships fulfill different meads, and therefore, tautologically, each, alone, may be said to be incomplete. So, what's the great riddle? It's not that anyone says we have whatever various emotional and carnal needs, but simply that indeed we all do. What of it? Do not pretend to rail against society, when it is human nature with which you take issue. Better to ask: Why such inner conflict and turmoil? Are you shy? Are you a prude? Are you frustrated? What can be done? What do you want?


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Justice44, you are confusing/combining/interchanging one word with its different meanings, or rather the different needs and purposes the one word defines. Your term "intangible loneliness" has to be broken down to two words - intangible and loneliness. Then, loneliness has to be broken down to its purposeful definitions determined by the fulfillment criteria - religion and romance. They are not synonymous in that the fulfillment of each satisfies a different need even though the satisfaction of each need resolves loneliness.

Loneliness 1
The need that religion fulfills is as you say to "establish a purpose in life." Many people like to think they have a purpose, that they came here for a reason. There are also many among them who believe they/we chose to arrive and that we then spend this life working to accomplish the goal we came here to achieve. The goal is set forth by God, the higher power we need to believe in who guides and protects us. The goal we have to achieve is simply to effect time to bring forward a future date He has planned. God represents an omnipresent authority figure, which satisfies our need for security. As long as He exists for us, we have purpose and are working to achieve it with His guidance and protection. In this example, loneliness is resolved by the sense of security in knowing we have a purpose and are being guided and protected. Except for that kind of security fulfillment, most of us really have no idea why we/mankind are here on earth, why we are born. The thought that our parents copulated isn't usually a pleasant thought LOL. It also isn't a very reassuring one to think we are here simply by default and parents are solely responsible. When you think about it, that they copulated and got pregnant gives us no purpose in this life whatsoever, which is what is meant that we are here by default. We innately and internally need more objective in this life than that so as not to feel lost or not to feel useless from cradle to grave. We need to know there is reason and intention. Presence by default also offers nothing in the way of security after we leave from under our parent's wing, from under their guidance and protection. Hence the need for purpose and security throughout our lifetime. Religion satisfies those needs. Therefore, loneliness 1 is resolved by religion.

Loneliness 2
The need that romance fulfills was defined many years ago much better than I could ever by a man named Abraham Maslow in his theory called Hierarchy of Needs. I can only contribute that this definition of loneliness differs from loneliness 1 in that loneliness 1 is innate, where loneliness 2 is both physical and emotional. Both of those are only variables. To what amount/extent/level of romance/human interaction each of us requires to satisfy those needs and resolve loneliness is determined by and dependent upon each person. There are too many factors that influence people and determine the required degree of satisfaction though.

While loneliness 1 is innate and loneliness 2 is physical and emotional, neither are tangible in that we cannot see or touch them. Plus, they can't be so easily defined since, as I stated with loneliness 2, each of us requires varied levels of satisfaction. For some, they are elusive, as people either never seek to resolve loneliness1, such as in the instance of an atheist. Or, they never find romance and develop friendships to satisfy loneliness 2, such as in the instance of a virgin who never marries or perhaps an only child who never made many friends. For all of us, 1 and 2 are indescribable in that it is impossible for one person to know how another person feels since we don't share minds and bodies. Hence, intangible loneliness 1 and intangible loneliness 2.

Did I come close to answering your first question?


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

For all of us, 1 and 2 are indescribable in that it is impossible for one person to know how another person feels since we don't share minds and bodies. Hence, intangible loneliness 1 and intangible loneliness 2.

Did I come close to answering your first question?[/QUOTE]



that's why the Arts were invented


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Justice44 said:


> What is this intangible loneliness that romance and religion resolves?


im a little confused by this question. are you just asking what loneliness is? or are you asking how romance and religion resolves the loneliness?



Justice44 said:


> The second cherished axiom of romance and religion is that it makes you “complete.” What does being “complete” mean?


never really understood this either.


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