# Racing is coming between us!



## ladycar (Jul 24, 2009)

Hubby and I have been married for 3 yrs and together for 5yrs. And the only thing we fuss about is how much time he spends on his racecar. He drive a dirt racecar and races every Sat. for 10mths out of the year then during the week he has to work on the stupid car to get it ready for the next race. I have asked him several times to give up a Sat every once in awhile he says he will then breaks that promise when race day is here. Am tried of being 2nd to a car. Everytime we fuss it's the same thing you knew I raced before you married me and that's all I ask to do is race on Sat. And I say put I feel like the car is more important than me and I want a Sat to enjoy the weekend. It ends with him going to the race and me mad and crying because he doesn't want to spend time with me. Last week we got into a big fight and he said he was done and just wanted to give up on our marriage. He left went to his Mom's house and after one night he calls saying he wants to work things out. I am just scared that he will not change anything and once again am 2nd. I love him and want our marriage to work but not if am alone most of the time being 2nd place. What do u think I should do?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

In general, did he do this every Saturday before you married? 

If the answer is "Yes" and it were me, you'd find me under the car learning how to work on it along WITH him. Of course I like working on cars! If you don't LIKE working on cars, sharing his hobby "passion" with him, then you must find your OWN hobby "niche".

Otherwise, I'd say the man comes with a car. Find something to do along side him or find another man? Better a car with a nice motor than a petite blond with nice headlights.


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## TheDude (Jul 21, 2009)

As someone said in my thread, "this struck a chord with me".

One of my passions is cars/trucks/motorcycles/anything with an engine. I have all but given up working on them, building them, going 4 wheeling, hell even riding my motorcycle because my wife "just doesnt really like to ride". This has lead to me being unhappy, and bored. My cars sit, I dont drive them. Ive actually pretty much decided to sell a few, bank the $$ and hopefully eventually find something else tha sparks my interest.

To me, you asking him to give up a Sat. night is more about you than him. Does he ask you to give up things you enjoy??

Dirt track guys are hardcore grass roots racers. They dont make a ton of money doing it (usually none at all), but they race because they love it. 

He probably feels like you're trying to take that away from him and the only way he knows how to deal with it, is by leaving and going racing, basically removnig himself from a bad situation.


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## ladycar (Jul 24, 2009)

Ok I can see it that way but as a guy and knowing the love of your cars/bikes Does that mean that he loves them more than me or is it just somthing he loves to do and wants both. I don't want him unhappy I love him I guess I just want to feel as loved as the car. I am trying to see it his way and I know that am a control freak Problem is how do I fix my marriage?


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

My parents race cars. They rally, and my mum became the what do you call it, navagator. They do this all over the place and I believe it brought the closer.

Maybe he can race in a different type of class that you could be involved in too. With the rally scene they have met loads of other couples who are h/w teams and have a great social life b/c of it...

Maybe look into it.


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## Zebra Doll (Jul 27, 2009)

This story relates to me so well. I dated a guy for 3 years who raced on dirt as well. After 3 years of dating we were married for 3 years. I knew he loved dirt when i met him and i guess my mistake was thinking things would change if we got married. Boy was i wrong! He raced from March til November on Friday and Saturday nights and during the winter it was Friday, Saturday, and Sundays. I tried getting into it hoping i could maybe help him but the truth is that just made it worse. 

Speaking from experience sweetie if you hate racing you are so much better off finding someone else. I left Jamie and found someone who loved things i love and i have been happily married for 2 years and we have a 1 year old son together. I don't have to worry about cars anymore, all that nasty dirt or anything! We do what we both love and thats going to the lake every weekend at our lake house. 

Divorce is a very hard and messy thing but true love isn't true love if both people aren't TRULY happy and if you are having to do something you hate, then it's time to move on. Let him find someone who loves racing as much as he does so he can be happy and you find someone who loves your hobby as much as you do. I promise you'll be much happier. Good luck!


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