# Need Advice from woman & men Husband doesnt seem happy??



## Southern Peach (Apr 7, 2013)

Hello all well I have been with my husband for about 18 years now married 12. We have 3 children 1 daughter which is his step daughter 18 years old & twin 6 yr old boys together.
My issue is that for about 11 1/2 yrs now he has been in one "BAND" or another always practice 2 or 3 nights a weeks shows on the weekends. I use to be able to go before we had the boys, now I can only go once in a blue moon, plus I really don't like having to be the DD anymore & begging him & his band members to the car @ 2:00am with a 1 to 1 1/2 car ride home. But when he is in "Band Mode" it's like nothing else exists.. Example tonight he had a show close to home, I did not want him drinking & driving so I drove him to his friends house where they had a DD. We agreed that when he started home he would call so I could head that way.... Well once he gets to bar he calls to tell me that they are now playing @ 11:30PM & have a 45 min set, they are leaving as soon as they finish playing. Okay so now I'm thinking he will call me around 12:45, 1:15AM. Well it's now 4:51AM & NOTHING.,. IT IS ALWAYS LIKE THIS I AM TIRED... Please help give me advice......


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Does he have a regular job in addition to his band? I would be tired of what you are currently putting up with too.


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## Southern Peach (Apr 7, 2013)

yes he is a very good provider.. just never seems happy when home. I can be talking to him on phone just a great conversation, seems like with in 30 min of being home he is angry.



827Aug said:


> Does he have a regular job in addition to his band? I would be tired of what you are currently putting up with too.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Ouch, this is a tough one!

What conversations have you had with him about this? It seems like this is the kind of relationship problem that take a HUGE amount of communication and compromise on both parts in order to make the marriage work. 

When someone has a hobby in which they find great satisfaction and the put a lot of time and energy into it, it doesn't matter if it's stamp collecting of playing music, the spouse feels like they are second fiddle. They naturally would like to have some of that energy, time and passion put into them.

Talk to your husband. Go to www.marriagebuilders.com and print out emotional needs check list for each of you. You cant wait for him to figure out that his passion for his hobby is making you feel unloved.

Of course, the drinking is a whole other issue!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Anon Pink said:


> Of course, the drinking is a whole other issue!


That's what I'm thinking also.

Perhaps marriage counseling should be considered. I believe there could be other background issues in play here. I also wouldn't rule out the "Peter Pan Syndrome" either.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What are the relationships like for the other band members? If he's the only married guy or the oldest one there, he might be get a bunch of teasing and he might secretly resent that his life is so different and responsible compared to that of his buddies.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Southern Peach said:


> yes he is a very good provider.. just never seems happy when home. I can be talking to him on phone just a great conversation, seems like *with in 30 min of being home he is angry.*


This is a red flag to me.

If this were me I'd do some snooping to find out exactly what he's up to till 5am.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This is kind of confusing. The title mentions him not seeming happy. But the whole post seems to be about you being fed up about his band hobby and drinking. What part is he not happy about?


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

It would definitely seem that YOU are the one not happy with his current behavior. 

I think a really serious face-to-face discussion about the issues is needed. What are the consequences if he doesn't change? Those are the kinds of things to talk about and come to an agreement as soon as possible.


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