# Contacted by former OM



## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

My wife and I divorced last year. I just noticed in my FB's other messages a message from March. It's from someone she was with while we were separated (maybe before too, not sure), but she dumped. He basically just shares his contact info with me and gives a link to the G+ page of his replacement - my ex's 2nd boyfriend since our divorce (who I hear she has ALSO dumped recently). Seems clear to me he's just trying to stir up **** between me, the ex, and her 2nd exBF. I'm tempted to just ignore it. Thoughts, opinions?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Ignore it. You're right, he's just trying to stir up trouble. You're already divorced, so just let it go.

I'm sorry, though -- that must have been quite upsetting.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ignore

the dummy got his due


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Just let it drop. He is just trying get you worked up. Ignoring him will show him that you are not interested in playing games.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

GetTough said:


> My wife and I divorced last year. I just noticed in my FB's other messages a message from March. It's from someone she was with while we were separated (maybe before too, not sure), but she dumped. He basically just shares his contact info with me and gives a link to the G+ page of his replacement - my ex's 2nd boyfriend since our divorce (who I hear she has ALSO dumped recently). Seems clear to me he's just trying to stir up **** between me, the ex, and her 2nd exBF. I'm tempted to just ignore it. Thoughts, opinions?


Tempted to ignore it? Good Plan! What possible benefit to you would it be for you to respond at all? Time to move on and enjoy life. There will probably be a string of ex's in the future. Why keep up with that?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

hell, you unintentionally ignored it for over 3 months anyways


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Here's my dilemma. I have been wanting to know when they first got together, whether it was before our separation or not, and what she may have told him about any possible previous cheating of hers in our marriage. I know it makes little difference now, you're all absolutely right on that - but I really have been wanting to get to the bottom of whether or not my wife cheated on me pre-separation or not. She has always denied it, but the circumstantial evidence is substantial.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

And how will that knowledge help you?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

GetTough said:


> Here's my dilemma. I have been wanting to know when they first got together, whether it was before our separation or not, and what she may have told him about any possible previous cheating of hers in our marriage. I know it makes little difference now, you're all absolutely right on that - but I really have been wanting to get to the bottom of whether or not my wife cheated on me pre-separation or not. She has always denied it, but the circumstantial evidence is substantial.


Well he feels wronged as well so what is to stop him from lying. If his intention is to stir the pot then he may well make stuff up to it.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Sorry to be blunt, but do yourself a favor and drop it. That information could drag you even farther down.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Block him. 

Digging up old stuff is only going to bring pain.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Why torture yourself? Move on.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Thanks guys. You make good points. I'm going to ignore it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

GetTough said:


> Here's my dilemma. I have been wanting to know when they first got together, whether it was before our separation or not, and what she may have told him about any possible previous cheating of hers in our marriage. I know it makes little difference now, you're all absolutely right on that - but I really have been wanting to get to the bottom of whether or not my wife cheated on me pre-separation or not. She has always denied it, but the circumstantial evidence is substantial.


I understand the need to know the answers, but can you really trust the guy to be honest with you?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

GetTough said:


> Here's my dilemma. I have been wanting to know when they first got together, whether it was before our separation or not, and what she may have told him about any possible previous cheating of hers in our marriage. I know it makes little difference now, you're all absolutely right on that - but I really have been wanting to get to the bottom of whether or not my wife cheated on me pre-separation or not. She has always denied it, but the circumstantial evidence is substantial.


So here's the dilemna, GetTough:

If this fellow says "YES! Yes we did get together before you two separated" then that means he is the sort of person who will be with a married lady, knowing she's married, and lie to cover up the cheating. In other words...he's a liar. 

So is he telling the truth about getting together before separation or lying? 

If he says "NO! No we never, ever got together before you two separated".... again he's shown by his actions that he is willing to lie. In other words...he's a liar. 

So is he telling the truth about NOT getting together before separation or lying?

Either way, the only thing you can really be sure of is that by his actions he has demonstrated a willingness to lie and manipulate in order to get what he wants...so what does he want here? 

a) soothe your fears and talk mano-e-mano, finally confessing what really happened? 
b) get back at that beotch who hurt him by stirring you up so you'll extend the legal battle and hurt her more?

Finally let's consider one thing. You are divorced, right? It's final. She is officially not in a recognized, legal relationship with you and no longer part of your life. Sooooo...what would change if you did or did not know this? Let's imagine you were to find out it was absolutely true that they did get together before you two separated. Would it make some legal difference or would the divorce be changed in some way? Would it make a financial difference? Would the past be changed at all? Would your present be better or would you be a better man? *-OR-* let's imagine you were to find out if was absolutely true that they did NOT get together before you two separated. Would it make some legal difference or would the divorce be changed in some way? Would it make a financial difference? Would the past be changed? Would your present be better or would you be a better man? 

See what I mean--you would still be divorced, the decree would still be exactly what it is today, the past would still have happened exactly as it did, and you would still be exactly the man you CHOOSE TO BE today. YOU don't need to know for certain what she did or did not do, because you are divorced now, she is no longer in your life, and it makes absolutely no difference to the man you decide to be.


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## loveisforever (Jun 21, 2012)

GetTough said:


> Here's my dilemma. I have been wanting to know when they first got together, whether it was before our separation or not, and what she may have told him about any possible previous cheating of hers in our marriage. I know it makes little difference now, you're all absolutely right on that - but I really have been wanting to get to the bottom of whether or not my wife cheated on me pre-separation or not. She has always denied it, but the circumstantial evidence is substantial.


Yes. Just to learn, not to care about. I think you can talk to him. See what he WANT tell you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I understand the need to know the answers, but can you really trust the guy to be honest with you?


:iagree:

And what do you get in the end? Maybe the truth and what does it do for your relationship? It is over. Or maybe more lies.

You starting this thread shows that it stirred things up inside you and we feel for you. Drop it. The wound has been reopened and the quicker you drop it the faster it will close up again.


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## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

I disagree. I was once a member of a club of guys who effed "Sheila", and it was kind of fun. We all had a rueful sense of humor about it.


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## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

Let it go and go enjoy your life. A good/great life is the best revenge.

Plus, you can't change the past so let it go and look to your future.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Martin12 said:


> I disagree. I was once a member of a club of guys who effed "Sheila", and it was kind of fun. We all had a rueful sense of humor about it.


I liked your post because it's an interesting alternative opinion. I can't see me getting pally with the guy she had during our separation though. That's just not gonna work.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

GetTough said:


> My wife and I divorced last year. I just noticed in my FB's other messages a message from March. It's from someone she was with while we were separated (maybe before too, not sure), but she dumped. He basically just shares his contact info with me and gives a link to the G+ page of his replacement - my ex's 2nd boyfriend since our divorce (who I hear she has ALSO dumped recently). Seems clear to me he's just trying to stir up **** between me, the ex, and her 2nd exBF. I'm tempted to just ignore it. Thoughts, opinions?


She's on her way to the waste treatment plant now that she has no stability in her miserable life. Give it a couple of years and she'll be living on the street. Just try to make sure it isn't you who throws her a life line before she goes down the drain.


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## courseplotter (May 8, 2012)

GetTough:

Dude, if you want to know just because you want to know, then ask the guy and find out what you need to know, so what if you are divorced and it's over. Sometimes it just helps to KNOW for the heck of knowing, but only you can decide that for yourself. Sometimes you can keep your enemies closer. you never know when it may help you in the next few years.

One more thing, even though he was banging a married chick, that doesn't make him a liar in all categories or even now for the rest of his life. It just means you should scrutinize his responses. And shouldn't do that with anyone you don't know?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Sorry to resurrect a dead thread but couldn't resist.

I would have been tempted to reply "Whatever, don't really care, I have moved on."

"By the way, did she mention the genital warts?"


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

your ex's sex life isn't your problem anymore. I would just say good for her. I am glad to be without her.


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