# He suddenly called last night - advice??



## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Its 3 weeks since my husband announced he wanted a separation and 2 since we are apart....I had to move out to a relatives house cos he started looking for a place to rent and I couldn't take the pain of it all. I'm struggling with all the emotion of it. We haven't talked, except once to arrange for me pick some things up when he wasn't there. Last night he phoned out of the blue to 'see how I am?'......WHAT!!!! - obviously completely cut up!!!!:scratchhead: What does it all mean....is this guilt? Is he now feeling bad that I had to go and he is still finding a place? 

I don't even understand what this separation means...do we still talk or not? Do we still see each other or not? I don't like mind games and I couldn't take it if he messed me around....he has already broken my heart, I'm not strong enough to build up hopes only to have them dashed again....

What have others done during 'separation'? I've read about how I should be 'working on myself' but I just don't feel like doing anything right now.....how to I start? How to I know how to behave now we are 'separated'? I still love him but with all this hurt I can't trust him, I don't know who he is any more.....please- any comments???


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

No doubt separation is hard. I had to go through it 2 1/2 years ago--after a 22 year marriage. In addition, we owned a business together. I had to see my estranged husband daily, so my heart got ripped to pieces every day. In addition, I had to watch him destroy the business and himself--and our family. It's next to impossible to interpret a spouse who decides to "toss" everything. 

Have you read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? It's a great read. This author also has another book titled "Hope for the Separated". I found the book to be particularly helpful in the early stages of my separation. It has a lot of religious overtones, so I realize it may not be for everyone. It has good advice! You may find an individual therapist to be helpful as well. I honestly don't think I could have gotten through the early days without her (& my family).

Hang in there!


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Thank you 827, I am going to look at those books you mentioned....also I have been thinking about seeing a counselor like you say... I think that's a good idea - so I can express all the thoughts that are churning round in my head. I just feel an overwhelming rejection from him, like I'm not good enough not matter how hard I tried....

Can I ask how long it took to get over your marriage ending?...I know it must be different for everyone but I just need to know I won't always feel like this and there is light and hope on the other side. Does getting angry help? I can't really feel angry with him, but I wish I could...I just feel upset against myself, like I've been a big failure because I believe in marriage and that it's forever but I couldn't make him want to stay


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Its been 3 weeks since the H wanted to separate but yesterday in therapy he said we are fully over, I have to come to accept that I will be heading down divorce and its a hard pill to swallow. I wanted to fight for my marriage, figure thigns out, work on it together but he wants none of that....

I have cried tons, I have been furiously upset many time (it helps for me!) At first he wanted to talk, like small talk, how is your day etc. well I ended that yesterday and told him NO, i want no contact from you at all.... How do I move forward when he still trying to be in my life even though he wants out?

Meditate a bit, see friends, cry alot, eat good ice cream, watch good movies and drink lots of wine!  thats what has been helping me slowly, very slowly start to steer into a different direction. I wish you all the strength and luck to get over this hump!


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

Shelly - Sorry to hear that it is heading in that path but look at it this way, at least now you know where you are going and you can focus on finding the end and making sure that you are protected (financially) and move on with your life. I am sorry to hear this but glad that you are out of the "living in limbo" state like many of us still are.

Good luck to you are Marigold.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Shelly and separated....thank you for feedback, its so helpful to know there are others out there who are surviving! 

I have a question....How do you know if you should keep trying or if you should call it a day?...my husband presented 'separating' as a time for him to 'think' and clear his head about what he wanted (try to save the marriage vs divorce). It feels like hell to just sit around waiting for HIM to call all the shots, I have my feelings too....he has hurt me so badly, I don't know if I could trust him again, even if he wanted to work on it again....but maybe I won't have a choice anyway.

His parents phoned me to find out what's going on since he wasn't very forthcoming with them, they think he's being crazy wanting the separation and told him he shouldn't throw it away....I think my parents secretly hope that we would divorce as they don't think he has looked after me or given me stability. I'm so confused, I don't know what I think anymore. All I know is it hurts really bad!! I still don't know if there is someone else involved, he might well be cheating


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

There are so many emotions to sort through when we find ourselves in this spot. This is even a bigger problem for those of us who find ourselves "dumped". I think a great counselor plays a huge role in these cases. 

I honestly couldn't tell you how long it took me to get over my marriage. Even now, I have good days and bad days. My case is so complicated and still a long way from being over. Your husband is going to do what he wants to do--especially if he is seeing someone else. And if this is the case, make sure you make your financial stability a priority. A selfish spouse who leaves certainly isn't going to give any thought to that. That's my big mistake! I got so wrap up in the emotions that I allowed my estranged husband to destroy everything. And the marriage meant nothing to him. He said the marriage was only a piece of paper. 

Make sure you take care of yourself!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

MariGOld, you should keep yourself buys, focus on you, do what you want to do and be happy.... You cant just sit around a wait....its no fair to you. If you want to fight for it fight.... I fought, I have no regrets for trying to salvage the marriage. I know I did all I could so down the road I will not regret anything I did. I will know that I did everything I could.  Thats how I had to think about it.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

I agree with Shelly you can't just sit around and wait, although I do think many people do that (including myself). Try a new hobby, go hang out at a bookstore or coffe shop, get out of the house!!!

August I agree I loved Gary Chapmans 5 love languages book, it has really helped me alot to understand why some of the things have gone the way they have. I would definately recommend Merigold reading it.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

827Aug - yes, I think a counselor could help with the feelings of being 'thrown away', I think feeling like I could have done better is stopping me from getting angry with him and realizing that I deserve better than to be treated like this, also his previous affair has left me with really low self confidence, and I don't even really know if that affair is over....

Shelly and separated you are certainly being v strong here, getting out the the house you're right is a MUST! Today I'm having a low one, I picked up the phone to call him BUT managed stopped myself just in time and instead rang a friend and arranged to see her....MASSIVE effort, I don't feel like anything at all right now, just want to curl up in a corner, but I'm going to force myself out like you guys say 

Need to get started with sorting out bank accounts - horrid, I'm dreading it 'cos it will mean having to talk to H....Shelly, are you financial stuff sorting yet? Its only been 3 weeks for me put I guess no point in hanging around, it only prolongs the pain.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

MariGold, it has only been 3.5 weeks for me too. I opened my own bank account 4 days after he told me he wanted to leave... I separated our phone accounts. Our therapist gave us a number for a Mediator so we will get in touch with them in the next week or so. Since he is not wanting anything out of this... it should be pretty ok. I need to figure out if I can afford the house mortgage on my own and if so he will take his name of the titles etc. Its a whole new ballgame now....


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

He rang me to talk about paying the car tax and we had a quite dysfunctional conversation about the finances / joint account. 

Trouble is a find it REALLY hard to talk to him without feeling all upset and emotional and it distracts from what i'm trying to achieve practically....he is cold and distant, I hate it, suddenly it's like we were never married or close, it's suddenly like he is a weird stranger. SOOOO painful. 

Still I am going to take your advice Shelly and get a separate account sorted. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to discuss a sick note for graded return into work duties and I'm going to ask for a sleeping tablet too....that's a big issue for me, I can't sleep until the early hours and it's exhausting.

Just wish this nightmare would be over.....


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

When I have talked to my H i am always upset... in therapy im an emotional wreck, crying all the time....i guess thats what happens when you are blind sided by someone you trusted.

I too can't sleep, so I have become a fan of Nyquil. lol On nights I can sleep Ill take a bit to help me out...but there are alot of sleepless nights


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I hope this gets better for all of you soon. It's now been 2 1/2 years for me and I'm still have dysfunctional conversations with my estranged husband. Benedryl works great for sleep too.


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## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

I'm learning that the reason we communicate in weird, uncomfortable, stunted sessions with our exes is because neither of us know how we really feel, we feign confidence, we don't want to give too much away for fear that there will be a tilt in the power balance, and much of the time we're just numb. And it's a devastating cycle - bad, moody, distant talks = upset people, so the talks get worse and moodier and more distant until there's nothing left to remind us of why we got together in the first place. Separation is a time when we should all work out what our own honesty is, and whether we should share that with the other person. Confusion leads to imagining bad things, and that leads to resentment. If you didn't resent your partner before the break, you should as hell will after. We all need to stay in control of ourselves, without trying to control each other or the situation as a whole. 

Make sense? (Please tell me this makes sense to you - it's a epiphany for me!)


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

healingme said:


> Confusion leads to imagining bad things, and that leads to resentment.


I'm not imagining them! Unfortunately all of it is real. Some of what you are saying makes sense. I really think a lot of it depends on the individuals involved and what the underlying currents are.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Thank you shelly and Aug about sleeping advice....I went to see my doctor today and got 7 tablets of zopiclone so I'm going to try one tonight, also I am going to start back at work tomorrow which is a MASSIVE step for me, I will need to try and hold it together best I can....I know that starting to get back to my 'normal' life will be really tough 'cos it will be the realisation that life must go on, even if my husband has left me, it won't stop and I have to keep living just the same.....so difficult to comprehend :scratchhead:

Healingme - I completely know what you're saying....it's like every time you speak to your partner, you have some sort of expectation you might feel better, but then it only brings home the reality of the situation and you just end up feeling more upset and hurt. There's no point just doing 'normal' chit chat, 'cos it's just fake, so it all ends up being a completely unsatisfactory and painful interaction with no conclusion....communication just deteriorates every time more and more and you have less and less to say.....totally know where you are coming from


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Im glad you are going back to work... it was hard the first couple days because people might say "Are you ok?" and all of a sudden you are bawling in front of the whole office. LOL BUT.....everyone will understand and you will see how everyone will have your back....you are not alone!

I stopped talking to my H because normal chit chat was not helping, like you said, i thought, well if he is being ncie to me "maybe" he might have a change of heart...BUT no, he goes on with life....i feel a bit better not talking to him, seeig him, making small talk, because im in the zone of moving forward, although every day i have my down times im trying hard to NOT feel that sinking feeling in my stomach.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Shelly, thank you for the advice....MAJOR STEP since last post of starting certain duties at work, my direct supervisor was really nice and that made me cry Still, at least I did it and got through the day somehow....it did distract me a bit. 

Had a mini revelation last night...I had been feeling really worried about all the things I would be losing from my life by not being married to my husband anymore....we have been together since I was 17 and a lot of the person I am today has been shaped by him and our relationship. he is not from my country and we speak his language together and do lots of things coming from his culture which I love and I was so worried about losing part of who I am....but yesterday I thought, I'm still me, even without me and he can't take those things away from me  This feels like progress? I really hope it is? 

Anyone who is scared about 'losing themself' too?


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Good job! The more you go to work regularly, the better you feel and it helps distract you for the majority of the day.

You are you, and no one can take that from you. I was just scared of so much change so soon and so drastically....one day you are married and happy and planning all this fun $hit.....the next day its all over in a blink of an eye....its more of a shock to come to terms that everything will be different from now on, thats the scary part for me.....


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Hi Marigold, obviously I haven’t a clue why your husband wanted a separation and to be frank you don’t sound like you do either. You don’t seem to have the “detail”.

But here’s a thing that surprised me. I gave my wife an ultimatum. Essentially I told her of specific behaviour I’d no longer tolerate and if she didn’t come to MC with me I’d not spend the rest of my life with her. That’s after a very long marriage.

My wife took the decision to leave me. I kind of checked up on her through my eldest son, to see how she was doing. He told me his mother had asked him not say anything but he told me a little bit. After six months or so of separation and absolutely no contact I started to contact my wife. In essence I was testing to see if we could have a non emotional way of bringing a pleasant closure to our marriage. Like someone else mentioned in your thread I found that impossible with “accusations” and counter “accusations”, we saw things so very differently.

I was quite stunned to learn from my wife that she’d been unable to sleep for months on end. To learn that she couldn’t hold down a job because she repeatedly broke down at work. I just did not know that she had that depth of feeling about me or our marriage. Call me stupid, dumb, insensitive but I just did not know. It is the most feeling that my wife has ever expressed in her life about anything.

I actually said to her, if you have that depth of feeling why on earth did you go? I was told that I asked her to leave. From my point of view she would not work on the problems in our marriage and she most certainly didn’t fight for it. Had she done so then we would more than likely still be together.

So maybe your husband is like me in that he hasn’t a clue about your depth of feeling for him. Maybe he sees you like my wife not fighting for him or your marriage and maybe all that’s done is to confirm to him what he “thought all along” that you just don’t care. Why don’t you write him a letter and tell him how much you do care about him and that you want to fight together with him for your marriage. That’s if you indeed feel that way. What on earth have you got to lose?

Bob


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Thank you Shelly and Bob.....

Bob, you sound like a very thoughtful person and have definitely put a new perspective on the situation....

My husband asked me for a separation, he said he didn't know if we could make the marriage work and wanted time to consider it....reasons he gave were multiple but essentially come down to him feeling that I control and restrict him too much, feeling that he has 'lost' who he is, not feeling respected or valued. I should say he emigrated to my country when we married and had to pretty much start from scratch again at 29 (language, career, friends etc) when he moved from having a good career etc back home.....he's 35 now...he has built up big resentments towards me, which he admits to. 

From my point of view, he has not been 'there' for me, he is not reliable, he has neglected me physically and emotionally (he holds his hands up this -- he intentionally checked out of the marriage in his head), he had an affair (he says emotional only, but I have doubts) about 18 months ago and I can't trust him, although I think I have forgiven.... 

You may be right Bob, now that we are not together and not communicating feelings anymore, he may assume that I'm fine with this....or I don't care...I'm NOT fine with it and I care deeply but I am also now totally confused about what I want :scratchhead: At first I begged him to reconsider -- stay and do MC etc, he said no. Since we are physically separated in my mind I don't know what I want anymore, sometimes it hurts soooo deep, other times the pain comes from the hurtful way he treated me for so long and how lonely and unloved I have felt with him for so long, that is so hard to reconcile. 

I took your advice about him thinking I might not care and yesterday I rang him, just to at least say where I am now, I reminded him that I don't hate him and that I care about him being ok...I said that I understood why he wanted to separate and I hoped that the time would help both to understand our feelings. In the end he said, "ok, look after yourself and kisses"....he made me hurt - it was a turn of phase, rather than anything more but better than anger and hate......

I just wish this could all be over.....so many confusing emotions and fear about facing the future.....or fear of going back to an unhappy place?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Well you’re both bitter and resentful. You’ve got a double whammy of bitterness and resentment in your relationship which probably makes it ten times harder to overcome than if it was just one of you.

If it was me I’d ask myself if I was still “in love” with my wife. If my answer is yes, then I’d ask my wife if she was still “in love” with me.

If it’s two yes’s I’d then ask my wife if she wanted to hit the reset button, let bygones be bygones and start over.

Bob


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Thank you Bob....

I get what you say about the resentment...my husband is open about that, up til now I didn't really see that I resented him a lot too but i think I have been so wrapped up in feeling rejected and blaming myself that I have not been letting myself acknowledge that I am bitter about lots of the things he did or didn't do.... it has built up over a long time...and now I resent the fact that he checked out of the marriage too....

I am very confused about my feelings for him now....I care for him very deeply and I do love him, we have been together for over 10 years and married for almost 6, it hurts me if he is upset, so I know I am capable of loving feelings towards him, but I don't know if that means I trust him to be a good husband to me. 

I am 30, I have a good career but in my heart, what I really want for my life is to have a loving husband and children...I don't want to ruin my future by going back where I know I can never be peaceful. why is it so hard????


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

i have been in that situation over 3 yrs ago and it was the hardest thing ever happened in my life, with out my 2 kids (9 and 13 at that time) I wouldn't be here. I just filed divorce 3 months ago. Why did it took me so long? i was hoping that we will reconcile and yes we did last yr when he lost his job and broke up with his OW. I was the last one to know, I am stupid in believing him that there was no OW and i prayed so hard to God to show me what is really(my ex) intentions. I quity my job, lost interest on everything even to my kids. I thought it is the end of my world. 
Marigold, I want you to know that it will get better. I am back to my feet now got back my job, (i was the one who get job for my ex)
You have nothing to be ashame, get out and be with friends. I know it is easy to say but hard to do but i tell you. God is watching you and He will never leave you. 
I really believe that things happen for a reason and God has better plan for you. Pray and trust God, I am a living proof of His goodness 
so trust Him.


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

by the way, it wasn't successful reconciliation. I can't trust him anymore and everytime I see his face the thought of him leaving me and the kids is just too much that I can never trust him again.
I have moved on and so as my kids. Believe me what comes around goes around. the OW cheated on him and he end up with nothing. even his reputation was badly damaged by stealing someobody's wife.He learned his lesson the hardway


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

Anna11 said:


> by the way, it wasn't successful reconciliation. I can't trust him anymore and everytime I see his face the thought of him leaving me and the kids is just too much that I can never trust him again.
> I have moved on and so as my kids. Believe me what comes around goes around. the OW cheated on him and he end up with nothing. even his reputation was badly damaged by stealing someobody's wife.He learned his lesson the hardway



This is exactly what my exh told me....Marigold if you read other womens post you'll find that men had the same excuses..at the end my exh admitted that "it's his only way to justify himself"


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

anna, I wanted to say thank you so much for your words of encouragement....it helps a lot to know that you can survive this...it gives me hope. You are right, I need to trust in God now and pray that happier times and peace will come.

Today I had to pick up some things from the house. It was terrible, I sat on the stairs and just cried. He is leaving th house in a tip...dirty washing up not done, clothes strewn about. His total disregard for our home is just another cruel reminder of his approach to our marriage....total disregard and disrespect. Also I am now almost 100% sure there is an OW involved....it looked like he had not been in the house for days....he STILL refuses to admit it....WHY????????:scratchhead: we are separated and looking divorce in the face....what has he got to loose now? Surely I deserve to know the truth....why can't he even have the decency to look me in the face and confess?

I have NEVER been through so much pain in my life....and I never want to again.....somehow I will have to drag out the will to survive this.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Karma is a total Bit**....trust me on that one.  What goes around comes around.


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## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

Marigold said:


> I am now almost 100% sure there is an OW involved....it looked like he had not been in the house for days....he STILL refuses to admit it....WHY????????:scratchhead: we are separated and looking divorce in the face....what has he got to loose now? Surely I deserve to know the truth....why can't he even have the decency to look me in the face and confess?


What evidence do you have of the OW?  

Q. What has he got to lose? 

A. The control he has over the situation and over you as well. If there really is an OW, admitting it makes him a schmuck, and he doesn't want to admit to being a schmuck, because that makes you the victim, and in this case it would give you the power and control because people would obviously side with you. Separation is about power and control, and if one party hurts the other it shifts the balance toward the other.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

*Healing me....*

I completely didn't see that before, but now I totally get it....!!You are so right....I see that now, it would mean he would no longer be calling all the shots and in control of the situation, he knows it would change the dynamic entirely, he would be in a very weak position - family / friends etc....everyone would know and he would be exposed for a TOTAL ***HOLE. What you say makes total sense.

I don't have concrete proof of an OW but I have enough circumstancial evidence to know the clear signs.....secretive with cell phone and not letting me know pin code, takes cell with him everywhere - even to bathroom! Very late nights or sometimes 'staying over with friend', phone calls / texts at funny times....posh new underwear (we have not been intimate in some time now).....I know enough to know what this all means....PLUS he had a prooved affair in 2009 - all the signs were the same then  I guess cheating men don't change.

Why did he have to do this? We have had our problems, I don't deny it, but I would NEVER have cheated on him or treated me so hurtfully..........this is entirely another level

*Shelly* I hope you are right........what goes around comes around........I am tierd of feeling sad, upset and worried, let God decide


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

you don't need an evidence because there's no way a husband will act that way. How do I know? when my husband was trying to reconcile to me after the OW cheated on him, he told me everything, a man will not leave a wife if it just issues but will take the risk for OW because they find it exciting and he will not admit that to you. 
someday you will realize that it is for the better, you will find out that your husband is actually a burden. (that's what I feel) 
and you'll thank the Lord for removing you from that situation. stop crying and making yourself miserable because that is not attractive to them. fix yourself, go to the gym, join womens group and develope yourself to be a stronger person. I was able to make it with flying colors thru the help of God and inspred by my kids.
Now I am okay, still cry when i talk about it but definitely better than ever.
It is not easy but you can make it. God bless you and comfort you.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Thank you anna for encouraging, it makes me feel better....

You are right, my husband has become an emotional burden but I can't feel it yet. He called to say he has found an apartment of his own and signed a contract, moving out in 2 weeks. I feel numb. He doesn't love me. Why do I still care for him?


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

Besides posting here are you talking to any family or friends about your situation? That really helped me to see the bigger picture. When everyone you talk to says "leave him" you start understanding that your concerns are legitimate and that your husband isn't treating you properly.


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

I assure you it will get better, i understand that at this time you feel numb and lost and it seems never ending emotional stress but it will end. If you don't feel like talking to friends anmd famlies about it (which I did for more than 2 yrs) what helped me a lot is reading verses in my bible and devotional with crosswalk. I am in awe of how God worked on my life and my kids that the way it moves arround is according to His will and purpose. I have seen judgement from God when my ex lost his job, his OW lost her job as well and their relationship became sour and started cheating on him. Give your trouble to God and pray to lift the pain.
I absolutely understand your feelings but thats all I can advice you for now, Prayer helped me a lot and made me stronger.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Marigold said:


> Thank you anna for encouraging, it makes me feel better....
> 
> You are right, my husband has become an emotional burden but I can't feel it yet. He called to say he has found an apartment of his own and signed a contract, moving out in 2 weeks. I feel numb. He doesn't love me. Why do I still care for him?


My H found an apartment a week ago too and moves out end of the month... I'm dreading that day because it will be emotional as all hell...I'm not ready for that at all. We care so much because they were a big part of our lives for a long time...you trust, love and lean on the other person....you never think it will happen to you...thats whats the hardest thing.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

My husband sounded quite cheeful and upbeat when he told me he has found a new place and is moving out end of the month. It really hurts to know he can move on so fast. I think I still have hopes deep down that he loves me, but in my head I know that I'll be on my own very soon now...as time goes by it seems he just cares less and less. I don't know how to get myself back on track and my work are starting to pile on the pressure...which I knew would happen as soon as I started back....I'm not sure I can cope with both stresses at the moment....I just feel this is such a big mess and I don't know how to find my way out of it  I thought by 1 month things might be looking up, but new hurdles just keep coming up messing me up again.................


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## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

Marigold said:


> I thought by 1 month things might be looking up, but new hurdles just keep coming up messing me up again.................


Things will look up, and then down, over and over and you must simply find your own way of hanging on while the roller coaster churns on. Your work are piling on the pressure for you to perform and you seem torn between dealing with your loss and coping with your work. I've always found it easier to work out my priorities by just wondering what people would say about me at the end of my life. Would they say "she was a good little worker" or would they say "she was a good person, a great friend etc"? 

I was more fortunate with my job in that my manager has been through divorce, so when head office started breathing down his neck when I'd had a few days off to cope with my grief, my boss said "don't you remember what I was like when my marriage ended? Give her a break ok?" and they did. Is there someone at work who can vouch for you? After all, divorce can be more painful and difficult to deal with than death of a loved one. Is there anyone at work who can support you?


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Thank you for your advice healing me......what you say about an up and down roller coaster is exactly how I feel. In some moments I have a glimpse of feeling a bit better, but then long periods of feeling so low and unhappy and just crying. I think it is so difficult to start doing all your 'normal' daily living again with a big hole left behind by your spouse. Yesterday I went to get in food from the supermarket....I was suddenly buying for one.....it was so painful, I didn't know how much of each thing to get and had to stop myself thinking what things to buy for him and didn't need to think of what to cook for him.....horrible, it reinforced being alone, I haven't lived alone before or cooked for one....I just don't think I know how 

My boss at work has been good and understanding of the situation, but the problem is that a lot of my work is face to face with external clients -this is where the pressure lies - they are very demanding....I am going to see how things go but if I find I'm unable I will have to take more time off sick or go back to non client duties - which is only half the week.....

It is so strange the way your body just keeps on existing ...breathing, waking, sleeping.....whilst inside your heart is dying and you feel totally empty...


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

been there and with out my kids I will not be here.live day to day. I quit my job wih out knowing how will I provide for my 2 kids. But it will end and you'll smile and be happy again. Believe me you will be thankful that it happened


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