# A woman asking for a man's opinion on BOOBS



## jrm

Hi there, 
I would like to get a man's perspective on a sensitive issue that's causing problems in my relationship.
I had 36D breasts (implants) since I met my fiancé. One of them ruptured and I had to get them replaced. I wanted to go more conservative/sporty...I'm a 48 year old mom and business professional who works out a lot. When I told him this, he was really upset. He asked me how I would feel if he got a 'sporty penis.' He was serious. He verbalized how important large breasts are to him...like REALLY important. He begged me to get large breasts again, saying he would pay for it if we did. I wanted to honor myself and choose a size I was comfortable with. I wanted 300-325 cc's and he wanted at least 400. We compromised and settled on 375cc. When I was going in for surgery, I told my doctor that the final look was more important than reaching the 375 and gave him permission to do what is best to fit the pictures I had shown him (which my boyfriend approved). I had more breast tissue than expected, therefore he went with 350. My boyfriend still paid for them, but you could tell he was really worried that they would be too small when the swelling went down. I wore my old bra and it fit perfect. I was still a 36D. However, he's devastated that they are not high and tight and round. They are more natural. They dropped a little when my tissue gave way, so I have to go in for revision surgery. Since then, he has been badgering me non-stop to get the boobs he wants. He said he would do anything. I told him I was willing to go over the muscle vs under (since he's convinced that's flattening them) and change the profile of the implant (to high profile, which protrudes more) to make him more happy, but keep them the same size. He's convinced that he won't like them unless I go up to 400cc. I know I will resent him for altering my body in a way I'm not confortable. He knows that I've struggled with an eating disorder and have body image issues. However, he continued to tell me that he's not as turned on to me anymore. He says he's worried what might happen to our relationship if I don't do it...it's that important. He would never be unfaithful, but says he finds himself looking at women more since he doesn't get it home. He also said that he has pulled back from initiating sex as a result of not liking my current breasts, which made me tear up. It's hard for me to process this. His words are harsh and cause me to be more insecure. Will he really lose attraction to me if I don't have big, bulbous boobs? He said he can't help how he feels and he broke up with his ex because she was flat chested and he wasn't turned on. 

On a side note (but connected), we are engaged after being together for 11 years, we have one child together. He gave me a budget for the ring. He said I'd have to pay the difference if I found something more expensive; I agreed. While looking at rings, I found one I loved that was more expensive. I nicely asked him if he would consider paying for it, since it seems weird paying for my own ring. He was aggressive and angry that I proposed it. I apologized and told him I was happy and grateful for the amount he offered. Then...he wanted to talk about the boobs again. He said we both want something materialistic (boobs and ring) and he would pay for my ring if I get the big boobs. I was saddened at the proposal..learning I can only get the ring I want if I alter my body to fit his desires. I'm hurt knowing that my partner won't be turned on to me if I don't do what he wants. He said he's depressed. He told me most guys feel this way over certain body parts and I should remove emotion and be able to just deal with the topic at hand. Tell me, should I be upset over this or should I suck it up and accept that he is just sharing his feelings? I'm still in disbelief and feeling like this is so shallow. How is he going to feel when my body ages and sags? If I have to carry around big boobs everyday, I'm sure I'll be resentful to him and myself. What do I do? I appreciate any feedback from a man's perspective. I'm open to changing my viewpoint if this is normal/acceptable. Note: After, when I told him how hurt I was, he told me that he is still attracted to other parts of me, loves me, and wants to get married. But then expressed his deep concern that he wouldn't be able to perform if I don't get the boobs he wants and there's nothing he can do about it.  Thank you for your time and input.


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## Yeswecan

He pays for boobs but you pay the difference for a ring that may be more expensive then he is will to spend? 

jrm, your body, you get the implants that work best for you. Next, have your stbh find a counselor and discover the infatuation with large breasts to the point he will do anything to have them. Not normal. 

Reconsider marrying this individual. What your stbh is doing is not normal at all.


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## BigToe

Well everyone's tastes are subjective so not sure that our perspective matters in that way. Personally, I would not want any fake parts in my woman and tit-size doesn't matter one wit to me.

In my mind, his comments indicate some shallowness that should make you take pause. It's one thing to say, "gee I kind of like your big tits and would like you to keep them that way" but quite enough to badger you about it and then attempt to coerce you by dangling jewelry in front of you. At best, his method exhibits a desire to get his own way and apparently he thinks YOU are shallow enough to do such a deal.

Ask him how he would feel if you expressed to him how you pine for a longer d*ck. When he says, "what...isn't mine big enough for you", just walk away without saying anything.


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## ConanHub

I could only get partway through your post.

Dump this chump.

He has serious problems and you are not responsible for them.

If the dumb ass can't appreciate what you have, you should not go under the knife because he is slightly deranged.

He needs to pay for counseling, not altering your body.

Please leave him or at least tell him the wedding is off and your relationship is on hold, no sex either, until he gets serious professional help.

Tell him you aren't interested in his penis unless he gets it surgically altered to be significantly bigger.

If he wants to compare boobs to peckers, it is only fair.


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## sokillme

People have types. He told you what he liked, you decided to do different which was well within your rights. There is no issue with that, your body. Do I think he is probably WAY to breast conscience? Sure. However you can't say he didn't tell you. Sounds like he has lost some attraction to you. It is what it is. Only you can decide if that is the kind of guy you want to be married to. Why did you go so big to begin with? 

I don't know if there is an equivalent between sexes. I can think of different things that are similar. Say a women dates a guy who has a big time job. Then he tells her he is sick of the stress and he wants to have a normal job that pays less money but gives him more free time. Some women may balk at that and YES lose attraction. Assuming the job pays the bills is that also shallow in my mind? Probably. But it also is what it is. Let's not pretend that both sexes don't work that way. 

Human attraction is shallow in many ways. I mean, people are attracted to people for their laugh for crying out loud. How important is a laugh in having a good relationship? 

The ring thing is really the same deal. It is what it is, he had an amount in mind he wanted to pay and that seems to be it.

Bottom line this is who your man is, only you can decide if that is enough. I would strongly caution that you NOT marry him until you are confident in your decision with the almost certain probability that he is NOT going to change.


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## jrm

Thank you so much for your feedback.


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## Rowan

You've been together a long time, so he's apparently been okay with your 36D's for quite a while. If your old bras fit, then your breasts are the same size they were before your implant replacement. That they aren't as high and artificial looking as your fiance would prefer is really his problem. Most women's breasts change a bit as they experience pregnancy, breastfeeding and the effects of age. If he can't handle a more natural look in the same size, I think you're right to be concerned about how he will deal with the natural aging process on the rest of your body, face and hair. 

But, honestly, your fiance has done you the courtesy of making you aware that he's an angry, aggressive, ungenerous, controlling, shallow man who isn't above badgering someone he loves until he gets his way and isn't particularly interested in your happiness. And that he will not be the sort to be satisfied with graceful aging from you in the years ahead. Are you quite sure you want to marry this man? Has he always been this way, or is this all a big departure from his normal character?


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## wilson

jrm said:


> He told me most guys feel this way over certain body parts and I should remove emotion and be able to just deal with the topic at hand. Tell me, should I be upset over this or should I suck it up and accept that he is just sharing his feelings?


No! Most guys do not feel this way over certain body parts. Yes! You should be upset. No! You should not just suck it up.

While it is normal for guys to have a certain boob preference, it's not normal to be this obsessed about the size. I think you are right to pause and consider what this means for the future. 

You said you have been together for 11 years and have a child. That's a pretty significant relationship. I'm assuming things must have been good otherwise it wouldn't have lasted. But I'm surprised given how he's acting now. Can you give some background on your relationship so we can understand the context better?


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## Lostinthought61

If he wants big boobs, tell him that you will pay if he wants to get bigger boobs on him.... otherwise your body your rules...if he does not like it then tell him to have a nice day but goodbye....i am in agreement with the others dump him and look for someone with a bigger brain, and bigger compassion.


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## Ursula

So, in a nutshell:

1. You get the implants that he wants, and you hate them and resent him, or
2. You get the implants that YOU want, and he hates them and resents you.

Either way, I would say that you're screwed, so you might as well do what YOU want to do, and if your relationship doesn't work out because of your breasts, then I would say that you dodged a gigantic bullet. Any man who likes a woman only for her breasts isn't worth it.


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## happyhusband0005

jrm said:


> Hi there,
> I would like to get a man's perspective on a sensitive issue that's causing problems in my relationship.
> I had 36D breasts (implants) since I met my fiancé. One of them ruptured and I had to get them replaced. I wanted to go more conservative/sporty...I'm a 48 year old mom and business profession who works out a lot. When I told him this, he was really upset. He asked me how I would feel if he got a 'sporty penis.' I struggled not to laugh because he was serious. He verbalized how important large breasts are to him...like REALLY important. He begged me to get large breasts again, saying he would pay for it if we did. I wanted to honor myself and choose a size I was comfortable with. I wanted 300-325 cc's and he wanted at least 400. We compromised and settled on 375cc (I was previously this). When I was going in for surgery, I told my doctor that the final look was more important than reaching the 375 and gave him permission to do what is best to fit the pictures I had shown him (which my boyfriend approved). I had more breast tissue than expected, therefore he went with 350. My boyfriend still paid for them, but you could tell he was really worried that they would be too small when the swelling went down. I wore my old bra and it fit perfect. I was still a 36D. However, he's devastated that they are not high and tight and round. They are more natural. They dropped a little when my tissue gave way, so I have to go in for revision surgery. Since then, he has been badgering me non-stop to get the boobs he wants. He said he would do anything. I told him I was willing to go over the muscle vs under (since he's convinced that's flattening them) and change the profile of the implant (to high profile, which protrudes more) to make him more happy, but keep them the same size. He's convinced that he won't like them unless I go up to 400cc. I know I will resent him for altering my body in a way I'm not confortable. He knows that I've struggled with an eating disorder and have body image issues. However, he continued to tell me that he's not as turned on to me anymore. He says he's worried what might happen to our relationship if I don't do it...it's that important. He would never be unfaithful, but says he finds himself looking at women more since he doesn't get it home. He also said that he has pulled back from initiating sex as a result of not liking my current breasts, which made me tear up. It's hard for me to process this. His words are harsh and cause me to be more insecure. Will he really lose attraction to me if I don't have big, bulbous boobs? He said he can't help how he feels and he broke up with his ex because she was flat chested and he wasn't turned on.
> 
> On a side note, we are engaged after being together for 11 years, we have one child together. He gave me a budget for the ring. He said I'd have to pay the difference if I found something more expensive; I agreed. While looking at rings, I found one I loved that was more expensive. I nicely asked him if he would consider paying for it, since it seems weird paying for my own ring. He has a lot of money, but I respect the fact that he's more conservative. He was aggressive and angry that I proposed it. I apologized and told him I was happy and grateful for the amount he offered. Then...he wanted to talk about the boobs again. He said we both want something materialistic (boobs and ring) and he would pay the full price for my ring if I get the big boobs. I was saddened at the proposal..learning I can only get the ring I want if I alter my body to fit his desires. I'm hurt knowing that my partner won't be turned on to me if I don't do what he wants. He said he's depressed. He told me most guys feel this way over certain body parts and I should remove emotion and be able to just deal with the topic at hand. Tell me, should I be upset over this or should I suck it up and accept that he is just sharing his feelings? I'm still in disbelief and feeling like this is so shallow. How is he going to feel when my body ages and sags? If I have to carry around big boobs everyday, I'm sure I'll be resentful to him and myself. What do I do? I appreciate any feedback from a man's perspective. I'm open to changing my viewpoint if this is normal/acceptable. Thank you.


This some crazy ****!! My wife has implants, she has for about 14-15 years. When she got them I didn't even consider putting in a request. She looked great the way she was, she always wanted to be bigger so I just said do what you want. Her biggest concern was looking natural so she worked with the doctor on what would be the best result and I just sat there. 

I'm also confused as it sounds like essentially your boyfriends wants you to have fake boobs that look fake, he must have a fetish for big fake boobs. You want nice natural looking don't you. 

Good lord don't even discuss this with him just do what you're comfortable and happy with. I also despise him trying to manipulate your with money, what a douche.


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## PM1

I think he’s wrong to push so hard, but I agree with those who feel he has given you insight to who he is and what he values. I love boobs, but value diversity in the beauty of women’s bodies. I also disagree that “most men” have a similar level of obsession to your fiance. 

The original posts has a few red flags to me. Definitely his behavior, the bargaining that is going on, but also the ring scenario. I do not know why he set the figure he did, or if it was super low. If not, why did you need to exceed it. Even so, why did he have to get aggressive. I’d definitely want to iron out the post-marriage finance details before moving forward. Sounds like a potential fatal flaw in the relationship. 

This may work, but I’d sure take a hard look at what he has shown you. And again, I do not think it is normal to do what he is doing. 
Good luck.


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## musicftw07

ConanHub said:


> I could only get partway through your post.


Me too. If I had cringed any harder at what I just read my spine would have shattered.

I'd seriously rethink your relationship with this guy. What he's doing sounds a lot like manipulation. 

They're your boobs. Have the ones you want.


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## Herschel

I am shocked this is a question. Seriously, you’ve been with this guy for over 10 years. Clearly you know him and are with him for a reason *cough money cough*. He’s with you for the big honkers. You are reneging on your side. Get the big boobers and you two can live in shallow happiness forevers.


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## jrm

Herschel said:


> I am shocked this is a question. Seriously, you’ve been with this guy for over 10 years. Clearly you know him and are with him for a reason *cough money cough*. He’s with you for the big honkers. You are reneging on your side. Get the big boobers and you two can live in shallow happiness forevers.


You shouldn't make such negative assumptions. It makes you look really bad in situations like this when you are wrong. I make more than him. I was simply mentioning his financial status to express that he had the money to buy it if he chose. Good luck to you.


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## personofinterest

I didnt read all the responses. 

No real man with any character would defend or agree with your fiance's attitude.

Any man who does likely has a less than "sporty" penis.


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## personofinterest

Herschel said:


> I am shocked this is a question. Seriously, you’ve been with this guy for over 10 years. Clearly you know him and are with him for a reason *cough money cough*. He’s with you for the big honkers. You are reneging on your side. Get the big boobers and you two can live in shallow happiness forevers.


Aren't you late for a 4chan meeting?


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## Rob_1

I couldn't read through the whole post. You seem to be with this guy because of... Money? He seems to be an ass, but whatever. 
personally , fake boobs are a turn off to me, specially big fake boobs.

What I don't understand is: why is it that this is an issue? It's your body. You should be able to just look at your jerk of a man in the eyes and tell him I'm doing what I please, so stop the crap, I'm not your doll.


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## personofinterest

Once you decide to read, you'll see she said she makes more money than he does.

Any other manly guesses?


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## arbitrator

*Boobs are only physical extensions of the lady I'm truly attracted to. 

I'm foremostly attracted to a woman's personality and empathy, and if her boobs are in line with what I like about them, then so much the better!

Frankly however, I greatly prefer smaller to midsize breasts, because of the proverbial advice, "more than a mouthful is a sheer waste!"*


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## badsanta

jrm said:


> I'm a 48 year old mom and business profession who works out a lot....
> 
> How is he going to feel when my body ages and sags? If I have to carry around big boobs everyday, *I'm sure I'll be resentful to him* and myself. What do I do? I appreciate any feedback from a man's perspective. I'm open to changing my viewpoint if this is normal/acceptable. Thank you.


If you end up feeling resentful, the size of your boobs will be the least of his problems! 

If he has a big boob fetish, would he be OK with lingerie that is has some extra padding? That way he gets big boobs when it counts and you can opt to feel sporty to stay healthy. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Rob_1

@personofinteres: if you're referring to my post.. what being manly has any ****ing thing to do with it?


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## Spicy

So much about this rubs me the wrong way, but it has all been addressed so I won’t rehash.

If I were getting this done, I would ask my husband’s opinion, and I would heavily take it into consideration. If he even remotely treated me like your fiancé has, I would be done with him. That’s just me though...if I knew he was this shallow I would never have married him in the first place, or produced his offspring. If you had no idea he was this shallow, then I guess at least you know now.

You should be highly concerned about your future, and growing “old” with this man. He is telling you he already has a wandering eye because they are not as high and tight as they were??? He’s destined to be the old perv with a young, new hottie every few years. 

As far as the ring goes, unless his budget was way too low, I would have stayed within it. IF I would choose to go above it, I would have paid the difference and not brought it up to him.


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## FrazzledSadHusband

Having been married over 30 years, my wife's breasts have changed. I still love them. Makes me wonder if this guy will still be around when natural aging kicks in.

Or will he demand another round of surgery. Surgery is dangerous. Staph infections, blood clots, etc.

I wouldn't ask my wife to have cosmetic surgery for me. If she wants it for herself, I'd still be apprehensive for her.


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## sunsetmist

Female here. Couldn't keep my mouth shut.

What would happen if you should have breast cancer--even with reconstruction, things would be different. Should you have illness, injury, whatever, would he be there for you? 

You are setting an example for your daughter. What would you advise her if she were making this decision?


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## WorkingWife

jrm said:


> ...He knows that I've struggled with an eating disorder and have body image issues... *He says he's worried what might happen to our relationship if I don't do it*...it's that important. He would never be unfaithful, but says he finds himself looking at women more since he doesn't get it home. He also said that he has pulled back from initiating sex as a result of not liking my current breasts, which made me tear up. It's hard for me to process this. *His words are harsh and cause me to be more insecure*.


First, full disclosure, I am not a man. But I could not resist responding.

I really hope you do not marry this man. He sounds downright cruel. He is worried about what might happen to your relationship if you don't get huge boobs. I would tell him YOU are worried about what IS HAPPENING to your relationship due to how you now feel around him. The things he is saying to you - that he doesn't even want to have sex with you as much because your breasts are not as high and tight as they were when they're still just as big? He would actually have less sex because of that? And tell you that while he WON'T cheat, he now wants other women? What kind of impact is that supposed to have on your relationship?

How can YOU ever relax and enjoy uninhibited sex with HIM again knowing how perfect your body must be.



jrm said:


> How is he going to feel when my body ages and sags? If I have to carry around big boobs everyday, I'm sure I'll be resentful to him and myself. What do I do?


EXACTLY. This is why I say please don't marry him. Sure, some men love big breasts. But if that's all he's attracted to in you, what IS going to happen when you age? If 50 cc's makes the difference between whether or not he wants you, it sounds like your breasts are the only part of you he cares about. How can you not feel worried and insecure when this is so important to him that he won't even consider what you want? 

That's a LOT of weight to carry around, as you get older your back will get weaker.

What is going to happen if you gain weight with age? What will he do as your face begins to wrinkle and sag?

Hopefully he's just saying these things because he really really really wants to get his way on this one and not because he actually doesn't request sex as much. But I hope you think really hard about how he is handling this conflict before you actually marry him. He is basically bullying you and manipulating you and pushing you to do something to your body _that is not in your best interest long term._ because of what he wants.

LASTLY -- he LEFT his ex because her breasts were small? How did he get with her in the first place if he requires extra large breasts to be attracted?


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## uhtred

OK several things here

Boobs: For me they are a fine thing, but I see them as part of the entire picture of female beauty. Some women are attractive with large breasts, others are attractive with small ones. 

That said, l what is attractive *now* is not the same as what is attractive in a long term mate. I'm not talking personality - I want the same short an long term, but physical appearance. lets face it, in a few decades, no one is is going to look as great as they once did. Women no long swoon when I walk by (ok they never did, but let me pretend). So while appearance means something, if I am in a long term relationship (which I am) it has to be secondary. My wife is still beautiful to me after 30 years - but its because I love her and never see her physical flaws. 

The ring is a different issue. I've never liked the idea of fancy engagement rings. It feels too much like saying "look at what he *paid* for me). I got my future wife something interesting, not expensive. 

Back to boobs: I think when someone modifies their body, it is *completely* up to them how they have themselves modified. That is the most personal thing I can imagine. 

That said I also think that anyone is free to leave any relationship for any reason that they wish - even if I personally think the reason is stupid.


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## Diana7

Wow I have no idea why you are with such a selfish, immature, manipulative man. I have no idea why anyone would get cosmetic surgery anyway, I read only the other day about a mother of three who died from a blood clot a few days after her op. 
Apart from that, this man seems so fixated on one part of you that he cares nothing for you or your feelings. I doubt he will stay with you as you age, he cares little about you. Please please don't marry this man. He is truly awful.


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## Lila

@jrm

How old is your fiance?

What is it about him that you are attracted? In other words, what are the positive character traits that keep you in a relationship with him? 

Do all of his positive traits outweigh his over the top shallowness? Are you willing to accept a future with someone who will most likely lose sexual attraction to you as you age?


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## PigglyWiggly

Get the tits that make you feel the best about yourself. In your shoes, I would be worried about why my potential groom doesn't find that to be priority 
#1. Good luck in your journey


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## Herschel

personofinterest said:


> Aren't you late for a 4chan meeting?


More personal attacks by you. I guess cause you think you are better than everyone else that makes it ok.


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## Herschel

personofinterest said:


> I didnt read all the responses.
> 
> No real man with any character would defend or agree with your fiance's attitude.
> 
> Any man who does likely has a less than "sporty" penis.


Shocked you didn’t read replies before you espoused your perfect opinion.


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## wilson

Based on the length of your relationship and you seem otherwise happy with it, I'm not sure it's worth ending over this. Maybe you can work through it and still have whatever you've enjoyed together throughout your relationship. But it is something that makes us all wonder if the relationship will really last forever. Keep that in mind and plan accordingly. Realize that this relationship may have a bit of a shaky foundation. Even the best marriages struggle to last forever. Going forward, have the mindset of "I hope it lasts, but if it doesn't I've set things up so that my daughter and I will be okay." Where you might get in trouble is if you do something like quit your job and give up all your assets. Then if it doesn't work out, you'll be in a tough position.


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## She'sStillGotIt

jrm said:


> My boyfriend still paid for them, but you could tell he was really worried that they would be too small when the swelling went down.


You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.



> However, he's devastated that they are not high and tight and round. They are more natural. They dropped a little when my tissue gave way, so I have to go in for revision surgery. Since then, he has been badgering me non-stop to get the boobs he wants. He said he would do anything. I told him I was willing to go over the muscle vs under (since he's convinced that's flattening them) and change the profile of the implant (to high profile, which protrudes more) to make him more happy, but keep them the same size. He's convinced that he won't like them unless I go up to 400cc.


You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.



> However, he continued to tell me that he's not as turned on to me anymore. He says he's worried what might happen to our relationship if I don't do it...it's that important. He would never be unfaithful, but says he finds himself looking at women more since he doesn't get it home. He also said that he has pulled back from initiating sex as a result of not liking my current breasts, which made me tear up. It's hard for me to process this. His words are harsh and cause me to be more insecure.


You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.



> Will he really lose attraction to me if I don't have big, bulbous boobs? He said he can't help how he feels and he broke up with his ex because she was flat chested and he wasn't turned on.


You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.



> On a side note, we are engaged after being together for 11 years, we have one child together. He gave me a budget for the ring. He said I'd have to pay the difference if I found something more expensive; I agreed. While looking at rings, I found one I loved that was more expensive. I nicely asked him if he would consider paying for it, since it seems weird paying for my own ring. He was aggressive and angry that I proposed it. I apologized and told him I was happy and grateful for the amount he offered.


Why do you act like you're so 'grateful' to be with such a complete ass-hole?



> Then...he wanted to talk about the boobs again. He said we both want something materialistic (boobs and ring) and he would pay the full price for my ring if I get the big boobs. I was saddened at the proposal..learning I can only get the ring I want if I alter my body to fit his desires. I'm hurt knowing that my partner won't be turned on to me if I don't do what he wants. He said he's depressed. He told me most guys feel this way over certain body parts and I should remove emotion and be able to just deal with the topic at hand. Tell me, should I be upset over this or should I suck it up and accept that he is just sharing his feelings? I'm still in disbelief and feeling like this is so shallow.


He's TOLD you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and OVER what a complete ass-hole he is. Are you choosing to pretend not to hear it? I'm serious - how many ass-hole things has this jerk said to you that you cry a little bit about then pretend they don't matter anymore because you want so badly to stay with him that you'll ALLOW this abuse? How many times does he have to insult you, manipulate you, bribe you, trick you, extort you, devastate you, scare you and BULLY you before you finally say enough? the jerkoff tells you he MIGHT cheat, he doesn't find you attractive, his life with you will mean nothing if you don't have huge boobs, and he no longer finds you attractive and YOUR biggst worry is that this abusive ass-hole won't pay for a bigger diamond?

When did you give yourself permission to lose *all *your pride, all your dignity, and all your self respect just to desperately keep a death grip on this abusive degenerate?

I honestly don't get why women are so damned willing to sell their souls for such a POS like this guy.


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## personofinterest

Man loses job and woman is upset: GOLD DIGGER!!!!!!!!

Woman has dangerous health risk (ruptured implant), gets new ones, and they sag a little and aren't huge enough: You knew this when you married him and people are entitled to their preferences.

The above is not the reaction of the men with character on this thread.

The sad small men of the world not only respond this way, they get defensive and have a kindergarten outburst when you disagree (see: call them on it).


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## She'sStillGotIt

jrm said:


> I make more than him. I was simply mentioning his financial status to express that he had the money to buy it if he chose. Good luck to you.


So now I know it's not for financial reasons that you put up with this ass-hole and his verbal and emotional abuse. But truth be told, it just makes it even sadder that you're doing it by choice.


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## sunsetmist

I can't for the life of me figure out this relationship. It's not based on mutual love and connection--maybe habit? Where is the depth? 'til death do us part (engaged) stuff?

His porn habits have fractured his vision of reality and she can't figure out how to be compliant and still be herself. OP seems to be independent in the workplace. What would she think of an employee with his demeanor, demands, derogation?


----------



## Taxman

First of all; This is your body. He does not get a say. Period. I have been married to my wife for over 40 years and dated for 5. She has asked me over the years if I would like her to get plastic surgery. She has good breasts, and a nice butt. We are both over 60, and she said she would like a facelift. I said to her, that it is her right. I also told her that I do not see those little lines and sags. You have to point them out to me. Those that are visible, I refer to as battle scars. We have been in that foxhole together, and have earned every single one of those wounds. If she feels better about losing them, then so be it. BUT IT IS NOT MY CALL.


----------



## WorkingWife

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> Why do you act like you're so 'grateful' to be with such a complete ass-hole?
> 
> He's TOLD you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and OVER what a complete ass-hole he is. Are you choosing to pretend not to hear it? I'm serious - how many ass-hole things has this jerk said to you that you cry a little bit about then pretend they don't matter anymore because you want so badly to stay with him that you'll ALLOW this abuse? How many times does he have to insult you, manipulate you, bribe you, trick you, extort you, devastate you, scare you and BULLY you before you finally say enough? the jerkoff tells you he MIGHT cheat, he doesn't find you attractive, his life with you will mean nothing if you don't have huge boobs, and he no longer finds you attractive and YOUR biggst worry is that this abusive ass-hole won't pay for a bigger diamond?
> 
> When did you give yourself permission to lose *all *your pride, all your dignity, and all your self respect just to desperately keep a death grip on this abusive degenerate?


I think you totally nailed it. I hope she responds to your questions.




She'sStillGotIt said:


> I honestly don't get why women are so damned willing to sell their souls for such a POS like this guy.


Good point. This reminds me of a line from an old TV show (Sports Night) that always stuck with me. A female on the show was dating a real ******* and one of the characters said:

"I understand why women think 'this guy is better than nothing.' What I don't understand is why so many think they have nothing."


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> Why do you act like you're so 'grateful' to be with such a complete ass-hole?
> 
> He's TOLD you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and OVER what a complete ass-hole he is. Are you choosing to pretend not to hear it? I'm serious - how many ass-hole things has this jerk said to you that you cry a little bit about then pretend they don't matter anymore because you want so badly to stay with him that you'll ALLOW this abuse? How many times does he have to insult you, manipulate you, bribe you, trick you, extort you, devastate you, scare you and BULLY you before you finally say enough? the jerkoff tells you he MIGHT cheat, he doesn't find you attractive, his life with you will mean nothing if you don't have huge boobs, and he no longer finds you attractive and YOUR biggst worry is that this abusive ass-hole won't pay for a bigger diamond?
> 
> When did you give yourself permission to lose *all *your pride, all your dignity, and all your self respect just to desperately keep a death grip on this abusive degenerate?
> 
> I honestly don't get why women are so damned willing to sell their souls for such a POS like this guy.


Even by your standards, this is a harsh post....
.... and absolutely needed to be said.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Either he loves YOU, or he doesn't. It's really that simple. 

If he only loves artificial plastic bits you've had installed, he's not worthy of your love and devotion. It's really that simple. 

Maybe i'm the wrong person to chime in here, but I quite literally can't even begin to fathom basing my love for a woman on whatever artificial modifications she's had done. I either take her exactly the way she is or I move on. It's really that simple. 

You do what works for you and if he's worth more than a hill of beans, he'll gladly, graciously, and enthusiastically accompany and support you. Otherwise it's don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.


----------



## ShatteredKat

Good (insert preferred Deity here)!!!!

ConanHub said



> I could only get partway through your post.
> 
> Dump this chump.
> 
> He has serious problems and you are not responsible for them.
> 
> If the dumb ass can't appreciate what you have, you should not go under the knife because he is slightly deranged.
> 
> He needs to pay for counseling, not altering your body.
> 
> Please leave him or at least tell him the wedding is off and your relationship is on hold, no sex either, until he gets serious professional help.



Boobs are nice but - totally not necessary to have any particular size. I have dated ladies who keep Penny-Rich in business.
And a few that eventually had reduction surgery. 

If any male is hung up on boob size (other than discussions will blowing froth off a couple) I would immediately class him as a dolt - and any women should avoid like Poison IVY!


----------



## oldshirt

This is something that should probably best be resolved on the Jerry Springer Show. Maybe if he gets hit with a flying shoe he will straighten up. 

Let me bottomline this, he is a shallow jerk and is in it for the poontang. 

The simple fact that he hasn't married you in 11 years and a child is all you need to know about where he stands. 

You could have perfect boobs and he'll still be a jerk and still find fault. 

Each of you is just an appliance for the other.


----------



## sokillme

Diana7 said:


> Wow I have no idea why you are with such a selfish, immature, manipulative man. I have no idea why anyone would get cosmetic surgery anyway, I read only the other day about a mother of three who died from a blood clot a few days after her op.
> Apart from that, this man seems so fixated on one part of you that he cares nothing for you or your feelings. I doubt he will stay with you as you age, he cares little about you. Please please don't marry this man. He is truly awful.


There is nothing wrong with cosmetic surgery, plenty of people get it and feel good about it. Sometimes it very necessary and sometimes it just helps people feel better about how they look. 

Do you always have to be so quick to put down things you don't understand or feel the same way about that others do?


----------



## sokillme

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> You're really marrying a complete ass-hole.
> 
> Why do you act like you're so 'grateful' to be with such a complete ass-hole?
> 
> He's TOLD you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and OVER what a complete ass-hole he is. Are you choosing to pretend not to hear it? I'm serious - how many ass-hole things has this jerk said to you that you cry a little bit about then pretend they don't matter anymore because you want so badly to stay with him that you'll ALLOW this abuse? How many times does he have to insult you, manipulate you, bribe you, trick you, extort you, devastate you, scare you and BULLY you before you finally say enough? the jerkoff tells you he MIGHT cheat, he doesn't find you attractive, his life with you will mean nothing if you don't have huge boobs, and he no longer finds you attractive and YOUR biggst worry is that this abusive ass-hole won't pay for a bigger diamond?
> 
> When did you give yourself permission to lose *all *your pride, all your dignity, and all your self respect just to desperately keep a death grip on this abusive degenerate?
> 
> I honestly don't get why women are so damned willing to sell their souls for such a POS like this guy.


Ha! Whenever I feel like I am being too blunt you always come along to reassure me. Hilarious.


----------



## NextTimeAround

sokillme said:


> There is nothing wrong with cosmetic surgery, plenty of people get it and feel good about it. Sometimes it very necessary and sometimes it just helps people feel better about how they look.
> 
> Do you always have to be so quick to put down things you don't understand or feel the same way about that others do?


Breast reconstruction is cosmetic surgery and I got it.


----------



## Diana7

sokillme said:


> There is nothing wrong with cosmetic surgery, plenty of people get it and feel good about it. Sometimes it very necessary and sometimes it just helps people feel better about how they look.
> 
> Do you always have to be so quick to put down things you don't understand or feel the same way about that others do?


Don't you watch those programmes about the many cosmetic ops that go horribly wrong? 5% apparently and many die as well. Nothing to do with not understanding, but of how sad I feel when women cant love themselves as they are. 
It is worth risking your health and life over?


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Diana7 said:


> Don't you watch those programmes about the many cosmetic ops that go horribly wrong? 5% apparently and many die as well. Nothing to do with not understanding, but of *how sad I feel when women cant love themselves as they are. *
> It is worth risking your health and life over?


Even independent of the risk factor, I think the bolded speaks for itself. Even if it was 100% safe, that statement would stand perfectly.

Most mental health professionals do not recommend cosmetic surgery (purely for vanity purposes rather than, say, post mastectomy reconstruction) as a path to self esteem or self love.


----------



## MAJDEATH

OP are you a tall or large-framed woman? Even 500-600cc implants on a larger lady only equate to a D/DD cup size, depending on type and placement. When you met, you had implants and only later you needed a replacement for a rupture, so it's not like he's asking you out of the blue to get implants for the first time. I'll admit that asking you to consider a larger size and basically begging/demanding are 2 very different responses. Does he like them only for private time or does he like the public profile that others can see? You can't tell a what a man's penis size is in public but you can certainly see big boobs on the street.


----------



## personofinterest

MAJDEATH said:


> OP are you a tall or large-framed woman? Even 500-600cc implants on a larger lady only equate to a D/DD cup size, depending on type and placement. When you met, you had implants and only later you needed a replacement for a rupture, so it's not like he's asking you out of the blue to get implants for the first time. I'll admit that asking you to consider a larger size and basically begging/demanding are 2 very different responses. Does he like them only for private time or does he like the public profile that others can see? You can't tell a what a man's penis size is in public but you can certainly see big boobs on the street.


Good lord.

You missed the point entitely.


----------



## PreRaph

OP: I love breasts, I absolutely do. Big, natural, well-shaped breasts will make me salivate. But like so many others have said, I would never, ever, ever make my wife get implants. She has small breasts, but I would prefer her natural, small breasts to a pair of fake watermelons any day. Just as I would tell any woman who isn't satisfied with what I've got to go find herself herself a horsec**k and get out of my bed. It's demeaning what he wants. You have the body you have. Just take care of it rather than risking your own health and well-being by getting oversized implants. 

I cannot believe how selfish this guy is. Its beyond belief.


----------



## MAJDEATH

personofinterest said:


> Good lord.
> 
> You missed the point entitely.


Don't give me that "my body, my choice" crap. We are in this together. When I went for a vasectomy, my W had to sign her permission or they wouldn't do the procedure. I guess because we were young (20s), they were worried that she would sue the hospital if she wanted to have kids with me later.


----------



## sokillme

personofinterest said:


> Sokillme, apparently the answer to your question is yes.
> 
> Are you surprised?


Sigh. No.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Diana7 said:


> Don't you watch those programmes about the many cosmetic ops that go horribly wrong? 5% apparently and many die as well. Nothing to do with not understanding, but of how sad I feel when women cant love themselves as they are.
> It is worth risking your health and life over?


To be honest, walking around with only one breast, I sometimes wondered if I made other people unconfortable. like using the shower in the gym.


----------



## FieryHairedLady

This man has had 10 years to grow up and hasn't yet. Still just as superficial as ever.

Sorry to hear you have a child with him.


----------



## Diana7

NextTimeAround said:


> To be honest, walking around with only one breast, I sometimes wondered if I made other people unconfortable. like using the shower in the gym.


Yours was plastic surgery not cosmetic surgery.


----------



## Diana7

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Even independent of the risk factor, I think the bolded speaks for itself. Even if it was 100% safe, that statement would stand perfectly.
> 
> Most mental health professionals do not recommend cosmetic surgery (purely for vanity purposes rather than, say, post mastectomy reconstruction) as a path to self esteem or self love.


Your posts are always so refreshing RMY. Thank you. 
That's why so many people cant stop at one op, because they still feel bad about themselves and seek more to try and get that elusive inner peace with themselves. 
Thankfully I have a husband who is very much against cosmetic surgery as well. Its bad enough having to have an op when you medically need one but risking your life for this seems madness to me. That's apart from the women who are left with terrible scarring and deformities after these cosmetic ops.


----------



## wilson

When discussing your cosmetic surgery opinions, please be sensitive to her feelings since she currently has breast augmentation. This isn't something that she's considering for the first time.


----------



## Livvie

MAJDEATH said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> Good lord.
> 
> You missed the point entitely.
> 
> 
> 
> Don't give me that "my body, my choice" crap. We are in this together. When I went for a vasectomy, my W had to sign her permission or they wouldn't do the procedure. I guess because we were young (20s), they were worried that she would sue the hospital if she wanted to have kids with me later.
Click to expand...

No, they aren't in it TOGETHER. Is HE going to have to lug around the giant super sized implants he wants her to get? Is HE going to deal with possible back aches as she ages from carrying around the giant super sized implants? No, he isn't.

She wants more appropriate implants for her body type and stage of life.

If they were in it in at way TOGETHER, he'd want that for her, too.


----------



## Taxman

jrm
All due respect, but your fiance comes off as a bit of an ass. In your late forties, with a guy that treats an engagement to his ten year common law wife (PS, I am an accountant, and in most jurisdictions, having a child with a person that you cohabitate is considered marriage, may vary in the US, but in Canada, its the law), like a business transaction, spending limits and all. NFW. Sorry. I have been, and always will be passionate about my wife, if there is something that she wants, she gets it. Sometimes she doesn't even know that I have gone out and got something shes admired. In every other facet of my life, I am business-like and sometimes even professionally detached, BUT not when it comes to my wife and kids. I would not dream of asking her to change a thing about herself, especially when it involves surgery. Damn, no. The breast implant ruptured, you are mature, and having oversize breasts is less comfortable, and for someone who works out a lot (my wife is naturally endowed and wears a workout bra that could hold up a tank), big-uns are not a great option, not to mention that they impose wear and tear on your shoulders and upper back (and yes, my wife has suffered as well from that endowment).


----------



## MAJDEATH

Livvie said:


> No, they aren't in it TOGETHER. Is HE going to have to lug around the giant super sized implants he wants her to get? Is HE going to deal with possible back aches as she ages from carrying around the giant super sized implants? No, he isn't.
> 
> She wants more appropriate implants for her body type and stage of life.
> 
> If they were in it in at way TOGETHER, he'd want that for her, too.


Yes they are in it together. Say the husband was the primary wage earner, and he announces one day that he is tired of his high stress, corporate CEO position which causes him great discomfort, high blood pressure, and he has already had one heart-attack. He wants to switch to a very low stress (and low paying) job as a floral assistant because he has always wanted to work with flowers and it will make him happy. He tells his wife "sorry to hear about the rupture of your old implants, but due to our 75% decrease in household income it looks like we won't be able to afford replacing them, so we will have to find a discount doctor to remove them with no replacement. At least you wont have to deal with them anymore". 

How would that go over? She should want that for him to be happy and accept the consequences right?


----------



## Livvie

MAJDEATH said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> 
> No, they aren't in it TOGETHER. Is HE going to have to lug around the giant super sized implants he wants her to get? Is HE going to deal with possible back aches as she ages from carrying around the giant super sized implants? No, he isn't.
> 
> She wants more appropriate implants for her body type and stage of life.
> 
> If they were in it in at way TOGETHER, he'd want that for her, too.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes they are in it together. Say the husband was the primary wage earner, and he announces one day that he is tired of his high stress, corporate CEO position which causes him great discomfort, high blood pressure, and he has already had one heart-attack. He wants to switch to a very low stress (and low paying) job as a floral assistant because he has always wanted to work with flowers and it will make him happy. He tells his wife "sorry to hear about the rupture of your old implants, but due to our 75% decrease in household income it looks like we won't be able to afford replacing them, so we will have to find a discount doctor to remove them with no replacement. At least you wont have to deal with them anymore".
> 
> How would that go over? She should want that for him to be happy and accept the consequences right?
Click to expand...


This analogy doesn't work. She has her own money. She isn't dependent upon him for replacement implants. But the analogy doesn't work at all because:

It's still not even close to the fact that it's her hauling around gigunda super sized gigantic breasts every second of her life SHE DOES NOT WANT. There's no hint of together in that.


----------



## personofinterest

Like I said....

All the actual men on TAM understand this guy is a jackass.


----------



## uhtred

In a word - yes.

I'm confident that if my wife learned that I was really miserable at my job and that I wanted to switch to a lower paying, lower stress job, she would be OK with it. 

She recently moved to a lower pay / lower stress job - I had no objections at all if it made her happy.






MAJDEATH said:


> Yes they are in it together. Say the husband was the primary wage earner, and he announces one day that he is tired of his high stress, corporate CEO position which causes him great discomfort, high blood pressure, and he has already had one heart-attack. He wants to switch to a very low stress (and low paying) job as a floral assistant because he has always wanted to work with flowers and it will make him happy. He tells his wife "sorry to hear about the rupture of your old implants, but due to our 75% decrease in household income it looks like we won't be able to afford replacing them, so we will have to find a discount doctor to remove them with no replacement. At least you wont have to deal with them anymore".
> 
> How would that go over? She should want that for him to be happy and accept the consequences right?


----------



## jrm

MAJDEATH said:


> Yes they are in it together. Say the husband was the primary wage earner, and he announces one day that he is tired of his high stress, corporate CEO position which causes him great discomfort, high blood pressure, and he has already had one heart-attack. He wants to switch to a very low stress (and low paying) job as a floral assistant because he has always wanted to work with flowers and it will make him happy. He tells his wife "sorry to hear about the rupture of your old implants, but due to our 75% decrease in household income it looks like we won't be able to afford replacing them, so we will have to find a discount doctor to remove them with no replacement. At least you wont have to deal with them anymore".
> 
> How would that go over? She should want that for him to be happy and accept the consequences right?


Hello, I am in a financial position to pay for my surgery myself. He only offered to pay to persuade me to get the breasts that HE wanted. He would have never paid for the surgery otherwise...I would have. Which is what I planned to do when the rupture occurred.


----------



## Mr. Nail

I guess I'm a bit of a medical voyeur. I used to listed to Dr. Radio. I've watched Embarrassing Bodies, things like that. 

I love Boobs, as a mammal, I'm biologically inclined to appreciate the beauty and function. But the idea of modifications horrifies me. I never would ask for them to be tailored to my viewing preference. Maybe I'm just not picky.


----------



## MAJDEATH

> It's still not even close to the fact that it's her hauling around gigunda super sized gigantic breasts every second of her life SHE DOES NOT WANT. There's no hint of together in that.


Yes, I guess those extra 3.2 ounces (total for both) to go from 350cc to 400cc saline would be unbearable for marital unity.


----------



## EleGirl

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Even independent of the risk factor, I think the bolded speaks for itself. Even if it was 100% safe, that statement would stand perfectly.
> 
> Most mental health professionals do not recommend cosmetic surgery (purely for vanity purposes rather than, say, post mastectomy reconstruction) as a path to self esteem or self love.


I think that this is a case-by-case thing. Sure there are people who take cosmetic surgery way too far. But for many it's a positive thing.

I've read that men actually get the most cosmetic surgery for career purposes. People who look younger seem to earn more than those who are showing their age.

Two of my sisters got face lifts a few years ago. One was in her late 50's and the other the mid 60's. They looked 20 years younger after the facelifts. Both did it as much for their career as anything else.

See, we can say that a person should learn to feel good about themselves no matter their age and/or appearance. But the fact is that society (meaning most people) judge others largely on their appearance. Society is, for the most part, pretty cruel and judgmental.


----------



## EleGirl

> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, I guess those extra 3.2 ounces (total for both) to go from 350cc to 400cc saline would be unbearable for marital unity.
> 
> 
> 
> Respectfully, you should probably quit while you're behind.
> 
> Your thinking on most things is just....abmormal.
Click to expand...

Attacking and insulting other members violates forum rules.


----------



## EleGirl

MAJDEATH said:


> It's still not even close to the fact that it's her hauling around gigunda super sized gigantic breasts every second of her life SHE DOES NOT WANT. There's no hint of together in that.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, I guess those extra 3.2 ounces (total for both) to go from 350cc to 400cc saline would be unbearable for marital unity.
Click to expand...

If I had to get surgery and breast implants to for marital unity, I'd just file for divorce.

If 3.2 ounces of saline would make my husband love me more, I would not want him. I'd lose all respect for him.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

EleGirl said:


> I think that this is a case-by-case thing. Sure there are people who take cosmetic surgery way too far. But for many it's a positive thing.
> 
> I've read that men actually get the most cosmetic surgery for career purposes. People who look younger seem to earn more than those who are showing their age.
> 
> Two of my sisters got face lifts a few years ago. One was in her late 50's and the other the mid 60's. They looked 20 years younger after the facelifts. Both did it as much for their career as anything else.
> 
> See, we can say that a person should learn to feel good about themselves no matter their age and/or appearance. But the fact is that society (meaning most people) judge others largely on their appearance. Society is, for the most part, pretty cruel and judgmental.


And we need to learn to tell "society" to take a flying leap. Until we do, nothing will change. 

(I know, easier said than done)


----------



## personofinterest

I confess I used to dream of having my nose broken in an accident so that I could have a nose job. My nose was the bane of my existence. It's too big for my face.

Honestly, if someone gave me a wad of money and said "Go have a nose job" I might still do it. 

I have no problem with person A deciding they want plastic surgery. I have a problem with person B saying person A has to do it.


----------



## Diana7

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> And we need to learn to tell "society" to take a flying leap. Until we do, nothing will change.
> 
> (I know, easier said than done)


My thoughts exactly. The more people go along with the flow and get this sort of surgery the harder it will be for those who don't. We sometimes need to stand up against the flow and be secure in ourselves so that we don't need it. Otherwise how will society ever change? 

I do find it hard to believe that a face lift can make someone look 20 years younger, usually their necks and hands and bodies give them away. Also they will need to have to have it done again and again and eventually they can look freaky.


----------



## happyhusband0005

Diana7 said:


> My thoughts exactly. The more people go along with the flow and get this sort of surgery the harder it will be for those who don't. We sometimes need to stand up against the flow and be secure in ourselves so that we don't need it. Otherwise how will society ever change?
> 
> I do find it hard to believe that a face lift can make someone look 20 years younger, usually their necks and hands and bodies give them away. Also they will need to have to have it done again and again and eventually they can look freaky.


This is a common misconception/judgement people make towards someone who has had cosmetic surgery. Most people I know didn't do it because of societal expectations or wanting to meet some outside expectation. They didn't do it due to self esteem issues or self loathing. 

Many many women wear enhancing bras, they wear spanks they get hair extensions they get their hair died. I don't think there's an overwhelming outside pressure to do this I think people have a personal preference that they go by it's in internal not external thing in many instances. 

The whole thing about it being so risky is a little over stated. A boob job is a fairly simple thing in the hands of an excellent surgeon. When my wife had hers done, we drove into the hospital mid morning on a Thursday and we were home by late afternoon. A couple days sitting around with ice packs and she was up and moving. Back to work the following Monday. A couple weeks and everything was back to normal for her. The extra little benefit was the implants act like a splint so after having kids her boobs didn't sag at all. She has been really happy with them. She is very proportional now with an hourglass figure instead of pear shape. Her clothing options are much wider ranging. After 14 years with them she would definitely make the same decision again.

Her decision to do it was kind of interesting. She had a friend who she met at the gym and would work out with most days. After knowing her for 6 months she found out this friend had implants. She was shocked because she always thought people with implants were easy to spot and she had no idea even though she was hanging out with this girl in workout bras and had seen her naked dozens of times in the locker room and still no idea. The friend told her about her doctor who was local and one of the top boob docs in the country. When my wife started thinking about it I figured it was just her being intrigued by the idea because she was so surprised. She had never hinted at this being something she was interested in. Then she was on the docs site looking at before and after photos and pelting the friend with questions. Her friend was very helpful even had my wife feeling them so she could she could see what they felt like, offered for me to feel them also but I decided that would have been a bit awkward, I took her boyfriends word they they felt great. So my wife setup a consultation with the doc I went along they discussed all the options risks, what her goal was etc. He had a ton of patients who had signed up to answer questions for other women thinking about it but my wife had her friend so she didn't talk to any others. She scheduled the surgery a couple months out and the rest is history. 

I never gave my opinion on size or anything I just said it's up to you babe. 

For my wife, she has zero regrets. Turns out she's a boob girl, meaning she got the boob job because she likes big boobs not because other people like big boobs. 

All that said a woman should only do what they want and what will make them happy with the end result not what anyone else wants.


----------



## PigglyWiggly

Diana7 said:


> My thoughts exactly. The more people go along with the flow and get this sort of surgery the harder it will be for those who don't. We sometimes need to stand up against the flow and be secure in ourselves so that we don't need it. Otherwise how will society ever change?
> 
> I do find it hard to believe that a face lift can make someone look 20 years younger, usually their *necks and hands* and bodies give them away. Also they will need to have to have it done again and again and eventually they can look freaky.


I am really good at guessing white women's ages by their hands and neck.


----------



## EleGirl

Diana7 said:


> I do find it hard to believe that a face lift can make someone look 20 years younger, usually their necks and hands and bodies give them away.


As I said, judgementalism is very common in society. IT seems to know no bounds. Thank you for calling me a liar. You demonstrated by point.


----------



## PigglyWiggly

EleGirl said:


> As I said, judgementalism is very common in society. IT seems to know no bounds. Thank you for calling me a liar. You demonstrated by point.


I missed where she called you a liar. Saying she finds it hard to believe doesn't mean she thinks you told an untruth with the intention to deceive. I've never seen anyone look 20 years younger from plastic surgery either as it's usually obvious their age by the hands/neck. I'm not calling you a liar. Are you calling us liars because our perceptions of plastic surgery is different? 

If she actually called you a liar, I apologize but I haven't read it. If she didn't actually call you a liar, it seems that you are demonstrating your point. At least, that's how it appears to me.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Diana7 said:


> My thoughts exactly. The more people go along with the flow and get this sort of surgery the harder it will be for those who don't. We sometimes need to stand up against the flow and be secure in ourselves so that we don't need it. Otherwise how will society ever change?
> 
> I do find it hard to believe that a face lift can make someone look 20 years younger, usually their necks and hands and bodies give them away. Also they will need to have to have it done again and again and eventually they can look freaky.


I don't understand why you care what other people do when it has no affect on you.

Some people would wager that ultra thin models in a magazine does harm to more people than cosmetic surgery by encouraging readers indirectly to over diet. 

We need to have cosmetic surgery around. Its research and use was accelerated after WWI with so many veterans in need of surgery. Not to mention, life is easier to live when it's easy for people to look at you. 

The more that something is done, the more refined and perfected it has a chance to be. Including lowering the cost of the surgery.

We owe our veterans something, don't we.


----------



## happyhusband0005

personofinterest said:


> I confess I used to dream of having my nose broken in an accident so that I could have a nose job. My nose was the bane of my existence. It's too big for my face.
> 
> Honestly, if someone gave me a wad of money and said "Go have a nose job" I might still do it.
> 
> I have no problem with person A deciding they want plastic surgery. I have a problem with person B saying person A has to do it.


My best friend in high school got a nose job because of me senior year. I got recruited by the coach to be a pole vaulter because he heard I had been a gymnast. My buddy figured he'd give it a shot also. I was doing a vault and he was standing by to catch the pole after I went and tossed it back. Well I chucked it a little hard and it drilled him right in the nose and snapped it sideways. He now has the perfect nose.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

PigglyWiggly said:


> I am really good at guessing white women's ages by their hands and neck.


That must be how the guy at the carnival does it!


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

happyhusband0005 said:


> This is a common misconception/judgement people make towards someone who has had cosmetic surgery. Most people I know didn't do it because of societal expectations or wanting to meet some outside expectation. They didn't do it due to self esteem issues or self loathing.
> 
> Many many women wear enhancing bras, they wear spanks they get hair extensions they get their hair died. I don't think there's an overwhelming outside pressure to do this I think people have a personal preference that they go by it's in internal not external thing in many instances.
> 
> The whole thing about it being so risky is a little over stated. A boob job is a fairly simple thing in the hands of an excellent surgeon. When my wife had hers done, we drove into the hospital mid morning on a Thursday and we were home by late afternoon. A couple days sitting around with ice packs and she was up and moving. Back to work the following Monday. A couple weeks and everything was back to normal for her. The extra little benefit was the implants act like a splint so after having kids her boobs didn't sag at all. She has been really happy with them. She is very proportional now with an hourglass figure instead of pear shape. Her clothing options are much wider ranging. After 14 years with them she would definitely make the same decision again.
> 
> Her decision to do it was kind of interesting. She had a friend who she met at the gym and would work out with most days. After knowing her for 6 months she found out this friend had implants. She was shocked because she always thought people with implants were easy to spot and she had no idea even though she was hanging out with this girl in workout bras and had seen her naked dozens of times in the locker room and still no idea. The friend told her about her doctor who was local and one of the top boob docs in the country. When my wife started thinking about it I figured it was just her being intrigued by the idea because she was so surprised. She had never hinted at this being something she was interested in. Then she was on the docs site looking at before and after photos and pelting the friend with questions. Her friend was very helpful even had my wife feeling them so she could she could see what they felt like, offered for me to feel them also but I decided that would have been a bit awkward, I took her boyfriends word they they felt great. So my wife setup a consultation with the doc I went along they discussed all the options risks, what her goal was etc. He had a ton of patients who had signed up to answer questions for other women thinking about it but my wife had her friend so she didn't talk to any others. She scheduled the surgery a couple months out and the rest is history.
> 
> I never gave my opinion on size or anything I just said it's up to you babe.
> 
> For my wife, she has zero regrets. Turns out she's a boob girl, meaning she got the boob job because she likes big boobs not because other people like big boobs.
> 
> All that said a woman should only do what they want and what will make them happy with the end result not what anyone else wants.


That post was in direct response to a post about how, for some, the choice is due to societal pressures. It made no statement about how often this is or isn't the motivation.


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## happyhusband0005

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> That post was in direct response to a post about how, for some, the choice is due to societal pressures. It made no statement about how often this is or isn't the motivation.


I think @Diana7 's post was essentially saying people who get cosmetic surgery are going along with the societal flow. I don't think there's another way to read it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

happyhusband0005 said:


> I think @Diana7 's post was essentially saying people who get cosmetic surgery are going along with the societal flow. I don't think there's another way to read it.


Nothing in her post gave any indication of how prevalent that is. She made no statement as to whether that's all of the time, most of the time, or just some of the time. The response was only focused on how sad it is for whatever percentage of the time it actually is. 

It was offered was in response to my post which said pretty much the same thing; nothing about doing it for other reasons... focused only on those who do it specifically in response to societal pressures. My post was a direct response to @EleGirl's which was the first to introduce the idea of societal pressures as a possible motivation. 

I would add that I don't think the risk is overstated. According to the FDA, 20% of women who get breast augmentation surgery will need implants removed within 8 - 10 years. That is not an inconsequential proportion.


----------



## Mr. Nail

There is a fair chance that at some point I will require Eye bag reduction. My mother had it because she was having trouble seeing. It looked painful. I don't like what it did for her face. But, she can see now.


----------



## Diana7

happyhusband0005 said:


> This is a common misconception/judgement people make towards someone who has had cosmetic surgery. Most people I know didn't do it because of societal expectations or wanting to meet some outside expectation. They didn't do it due to self esteem issues or self loathing.
> 
> Many many women wear enhancing bras, they wear spanks they get hair extensions they get their hair died. I don't think there's an overwhelming outside pressure to do this I think people have a personal preference that they go by it's in internal not external thing in many instances.
> 
> The whole thing about it being so risky is a little over stated. A boob job is a fairly simple thing in the hands of an excellent surgeon. When my wife had hers done, we drove into the hospital mid morning on a Thursday and we were home by late afternoon. A couple days sitting around with ice packs and she was up and moving. Back to work the following Monday. A couple weeks and everything was back to normal for her. The extra little benefit was the implants act like a splint so after having kids her boobs didn't sag at all. She has been really happy with them. She is very proportional now with an hourglass figure instead of pear shape. Her clothing options are much wider ranging. After 14 years with them she would definitely make the same decision again.
> 
> Her decision to do it was kind of interesting. She had a friend who she met at the gym and would work out with most days. After knowing her for 6 months she found out this friend had implants. She was shocked because she always thought people with implants were easy to spot and she had no idea even though she was hanging out with this girl in workout bras and had seen her naked dozens of times in the locker room and still no idea. The friend told her about her doctor who was local and one of the top boob docs in the country. When my wife started thinking about it I figured it was just her being intrigued by the idea because she was so surprised. She had never hinted at this being something she was interested in. Then she was on the docs site looking at before and after photos and pelting the friend with questions. Her friend was very helpful even had my wife feeling them so she could she could see what they felt like, offered for me to feel them also but I decided that would have been a bit awkward, I took her boyfriends word they they felt great. So my wife setup a consultation with the doc I went along they discussed all the options risks, what her goal was etc. He had a ton of patients who had signed up to answer questions for other women thinking about it but my wife had her friend so she didn't talk to any others. She scheduled the surgery a couple months out and the rest is history.
> 
> I never gave my opinion on size or anything I just said it's up to you babe.
> 
> For my wife, she has zero regrets. Turns out she's a boob girl, meaning she got the boob job because she likes big boobs not because other people like big boobs.
> 
> All that said a woman should only do what they want and what will make them happy with the end result not what anyone else wants.


Its a fact that 5% of cosmetic operations go horribly wrong. Also its a fact that many have died because of such ops. 
Sorry but if your wife lived on her own on an island, she would still want bigger boobs? Women nearly always get them because of the attention they give. Because they need them to make themselves feel better .The same with most cosmetic ops, because people worry what they look like and are trying to stay young/sexy or whatever. They don't feel good about themselves without changing something (or many things). 
Women who have good self esteem don't need such ops. Honestly I care nothing for what other men(or women)think of me, my husband is the only one whose attention I want. He likes women to be natural as they are.


----------



## Diana7

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Nothing in her post gave any indication of how prevalent that is. She made no statement as to whether that's all of the time, most of the time, or just some of the time. The response was only focused on how sad it is for whatever percentage of the time it actually is.
> 
> It was offered was in response to my post which said pretty much the same thing; nothing about doing it for other reasons... focused only on those who do it specifically in response to societal pressures. My post was a direct response to @EleGirl's which was the first to introduce the idea of societal pressures as a possible motivation.
> 
> I would add that I don't think the risk is overstated. According to the FDA, 20% of women who get breast augmentation surgery will need implants removed within 8 - 10 years. That is not an inconsequential proportion.


Wow 20% is massive. Also many women with breast implants are now getting cancer. After all a foreign body with fluid is being put into your body. Its a disaster waiting to happen.


----------



## happyhusband0005

Diana7 said:


> Its a fact that 5% of cosmetic operations go horribly wrong. Also its a fact that many have died because of such ops.
> Sorry but if your wife lived on her own on an island, she would still want bigger boobs? Women nearly always get them because of the attention they give. Because they need them to make themselves feel better .The same with most cosmetic ops, because people worry what they look like and are trying to stay young/sexy or whatever. They don't feel good about themselves without changing something (or many things).
> Women who have good self esteem don't need such ops. Honestly I care nothing for what other men(or women)think of me, my husband is the only one whose attention I want. He likes women to be natural as they are.


Yah i can believe the 5% thing, which is why you chose the best doctor. Just like any medical procedure. If you where getting heart surgery you would look for the absolute best doc around. Cosmetic surgery is the same there are the top docs who have a long history of success and there are ones who are OK. The top guys are expensive but worth the price tag. 

As to your judgement of peoples motivation, again you're speaking about something which you don't know, you're guessing. Like I said in my earlier post, she did it because she likes big boobs not because other people like them. So to answer you question about the island yes she would have, if there happened to be a world class surgeon on that island. You are making massively generalized statements about peoples motivations, I know 4 women besides my wife who have implants and none of them like my wife could care less what anyone thinks of them. They do what they want. 

The other point you seem a little bit ignorant on is most women who get implants don't get huge ones. They don't most go with implants that bring them up one or two cup sizes so a-c or b-d. I understand why you think this. You probably think the only women who have them are the ones you look at and can obviously tell have them. People who you can easily tell have implants either went too big to look natural, or they had bad surgeons. For every one you see you know has them there are probably 20 you don't know about. Cosmetic surgery is part science part art, not every good technical doctor has the artistic skills to do the job right. 

You really do just judge first and never ask questions huh. Do you think people who have expensive cars only have them to show off their money? Do you think women who have expensive handbags only do it as a status symbol? It's all the same thing as far as your assumptions go. 

Some people want to look a certain way because they, themselves like that look and only because they like that look, and if you have enough money that the 10k is no big deal then why not.


----------



## Rowan

I'm super grateful to all the people who've ever gotten cosmetic surgery! Because that's made facial surgeries into fairly routine, generally very safe, well-researched, well-taught procedures that can result in beautiful outcomes. And that means that the surgeons who did my son's 7 cranio-facial reconstructive surgeries were all really good at their jobs and did fantastic work with minimal scarring. When you're building an upper lip, a front gum ridge, parts of both a soft and hard palate, and parts of a nose - largely from scratch - you don't just want good enough. You want great. You want a surgeon _and_ an artist. 

And great in the case of facial surgery generally comes from a lot of practice on a lot of rich people who wanted straighter noses, higher cheek bones, better jawlines and tighter skin.


----------



## personofinterest

Diana7 said:


> Its a fact that 5% of cosmetic operations go horribly wrong. Also its a fact that many have died because of such ops.
> Sorry but if your wife lived on her own on an island, she would still want bigger boobs? Women nearly always get them because of the attention they give. Because they need them to make themselves feel better .The same with most cosmetic ops, because people worry what they look like and are trying to stay young/sexy or whatever. They don't feel good about themselves without changing something (or many things).
> Women who have good self esteem don't need such ops. Honestly I care nothing for what other men(or women)think of me, my husband is the only one whose attention I want. He likes women to be natural as they are.


If you do not see the judgment in this post, you are choosing to be blind.


----------



## PigglyWiggly

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> That must be how the guy at the carnival does it!


It might be. I am TERRIBLE with guessing the age of black people. They like my guesses though because I always guess too young


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

PigglyWiggly said:


> It might be. I am TERRIBLE with guessing the age of black people. They like my guesses though because I always guess too young


Melanin prevents skin aging, much of which is caused by exposure to the sun.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

@jrm, if he is continuous in expressing his dislike on your choice of breast size and shape, would you separate from him?

That is the only real choice you have to make. Riding a fence will only make both of you miserable after a time.

Lots of good perspectives and advice in this thread. 

Not much left to discuss imo.

It's hard to leave someone a person has been with a long time in most circumstances but there are always limits and boundaries to circumstances. 

Only you know yours best. 

Hang in there, good luck!


----------



## FieryHairedLady

Mr. Nail said:


> There is a fair chance that at some point I will require Eye bag reduction. My mother had it because she was having trouble seeing. It looked painful. I don't like what it did for her face. But, she can see now.


Why does she look worse?


----------



## EleGirl

This thread has turned into a huge threadjack about the pros & cons of cosmedic surgery. I don't see how any of this helps the OP.

The theadjack stops NOW. From here on out, either reply directly the OP with helpful input or don't post at all. 

Speaking as a moderator.


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## MAJDEATH

OP, IMHO you should strongly consider a slight increase in implant size and/or placement, if you desire to have implants anyway.


----------



## Wolfman1968

OP--first of all, it is your own body, and you should NEVER do what you are not comfortable doing. Ever. You will have a resentment for the rest of your life/relationship.

That being said, I don't think the topic is as straightforward as many of the posters here state. Many of the posters berate your fiancé for his obsession about breast size. I'm not so sure a person can control what they find attractive, and frankly, there are some people who have very strong sexual triggers or even fetishes. That in and of itself doesn't make them bad people. (For the record, based on the way you tell the story, I think he's being kind of a jerk in his approach, though.)

I'll give a couple of examples. Mrs. Wolfman finds beards on guys REALLY unattractive. It's to the point that if I was sporting a ZZ Top-style beard, she would probably have a lot of difficulty finding me attractive, and I have no doubt it would affect things in the bedroom. It's my face, and I have the right to grow a beard (indeed, if I were to adopt certain philosophies/religions, it might be mandatory for me to have a beard), but I would be under no illusion that the exercise of my right would make me attractive to Mrs. Wolfman. Furthermore, she isn't necessarily shallow or superficial--she can't really help what she finds attractive. If I refused to give in on the beard we would be faced with an impasse.

In another example, there may be a guy who have some sort of non-abusive fetish (maybe a foot fetish, or cross-dressing fetish). Many women are OK with accommodating this, but others are not. I don't think the guy is a horrible person for having a fetish, but neither would be a woman who cannot go along with it. They just would be incompatible, and would reach an impasse as well. I realize that your situation involves body changes, and I am not comparing that aspect of the analogy. I am instead using an example of incompatibility due to a fetish/strong sexual preference needs, because it sounds to me that your fiancé's breast fixation is near-fetish level. 


So, in thinking this over, my suggestion is to get the breast surgery YOU want, but be prepared for the likelihood that he may actually find you less attractive because I think he has a breast fetish that he really can't do anything about. And I don't think his preferences make him a bad guy, any more Mrs. Wolfman's complete sexual aversion to beards makes her a bad woman, nor a foot fetish guy's needs makes him a bad guy. (I think the way he is presenting it to you makes him a jerk though, just like a fetish guy could be a jerk about his needs as well.) But I think in the end, you may both just have incompatible needs, and may end up just going your separate ways. Personally, I don't really see a way around this impasse, because I strongly feel you should be in control of your own body, but at that same time, I think a suboptimal sexual relationship through unmet needs also erodes at the heart of a marriage. So, since I don't see a way out of this dilemma, I think you'd both be better off with more compatible partners.


----------



## Wolfman1968

ConanHub said:


> I could only get partway through your post.
> 
> Dump this chump.
> 
> He has serious problems and you are not responsible for them.
> 
> If the dumb ass can't appreciate what you have, you should not go under the knife because he is slightly deranged.
> 
> He needs to pay for counseling, not altering your body.
> 
> Please leave him or at least tell him the wedding is off and your relationship is on hold, no sex either, until he gets serious professional help.
> 
> *Tell him you aren't interested in his penis unless he gets it surgically altered to be significantly bigger.
> 
> If he wants to compare boobs to peckers, it is only fair.*


Actually, you're right, it is only fair to make that comparison. This is another example that goes along with my prior response to the OP.


OP, think about this. Although for most women, the size of guy's package (within limits) isn't a dealbreaker, there is a subset of women, including a frequent TAM poster, for whom the size IS important. Unless it is above average, the guy's penis just doesn't do it for her, and for some women they won't even orgasm. Yes, there are other options such as hands, oral sex, etc., but for those women who are fixated on a larger size, it's just not the same.


What would you say to those women? That they have to settle for a less than optimal sex life? There's really no comparable surgery to SAFELY and effectively enhance a guy's package and keep it functional like a breast implant, but if there were, would you force the guy to undergo the surgery he didn't want, just to keep his fiancé happy? 

I think most people would say that the two are just not sexually compatible, and that there's no real solution here. In that case, they should each find a more compatible partner. Hence, my advice to you to consider doing the same. I don't think shaming a guy with a breast fetish is any more constructive than shaming a woman who mandates a certain penis size. You can't change it. Just move on.


----------



## Rowan

Wolfman1968 said:


> Actually, you're right, it is only fair to make that comparison. This is another example that goes along with my prior response to the OP.
> 
> 
> OP, think about this. Although for most women, the size of guy's package (within limits) isn't a dealbreaker, there is a subset of women, including a frequent TAM poster, for whom the size IS important. Unless it is above average, the guy's penis just doesn't do it for her, and for some women they won't even orgasm. Yes, there are other options such as hands, oral sex, etc., but for those women who are fixated on a larger size, it's just not the same.
> 
> 
> What would you say to those women? That they have to settle for a less than optimal sex life? There's really no comparable surgery to SAFELY and effectively enhance a guy's package and keep it functional like a breast implant, but if there were, would you force the guy to undergo the surgery he didn't want, just to keep his fiancé happy?
> 
> I think most people would say that the two are just not sexually compatible, and that there's no real solution here. In that case, they should each find a more compatible partner. Hence, my advice to you to consider doing the same. I don't think shaming a guy with a breast fetish is any more constructive than shaming a woman who mandates a certain penis size. You can't change it. Just move on.


The OP has stated that, post surgery, her old bras still fit. That means she's the same size she has been throughout their relationship, or pretty darned close to it. The OP's partner has apparently been okay with her breast size for _11 years_. But, suddenly, she's too small and it's a huge problem? I think that disparity is what many posters are reacting to. It just seems unlikely that his pressing her to go bigger is really a fetish or some compulsion he can't do anything about. Rather, there's a huge question of why he apparently keeps getting into, and remaining in, long term relationships with women whose breast size is seemingly inadequate for him. Why not simply date larger-breasted women? One explanation for that is that he's blindingly lacking in self-awareness. Another is that he's both a bit shallow _and _ a bit controlling, and this heavy pressure to increase her breast size over what she's personally comfortable with, is a manifestation of that.


My opinion is that if someone has a fetish or strong sexual attraction/aversion to some attribute, it's up to them to find and date people who meet their requirements. It's not okay to get into a relationship with someone who doesn't, spend more than a decade with them, have children with them, and then suddenly decide they just won't do because they can't fulfill the needs of that fetish. It's even less okay to then try to pressure that partner into changing to fit the fetish or fantasy. It's 100% okay to be into huge breasts or huge penises, or clean-shaven men, or redheads, or any other thing. But if someone's getting into relationships with people who don't fit that mold, then trying to coerce and badger their partners into changing, the problem _isn't_ with their partners.


----------



## Wolfman1968

Rowan said:


> The OP has stated that, post surgery, her old bras still fit. That means she's the same size she has been throughout their relationship, or pretty darned close to it. The OP's partner has apparently been okay with her breast size for _11 years_. But, suddenly, she's too small and it's a huge problem?


Actually, I don't think your assumption that she was unchanged is correct. The OP herself says she wanted a more "sporty" look and fit, so clearly she underwent some level of reduction. Furthermore, although the bras may fit reasonably the same, the final look may be very different. I have some knowledge about this issue from two sources---1. in my work I interact with doctors and nurses routinely, and at times have interacted very closely with physicians and nurses who work in plastic surgery, so I picked up a little knowledge from these discussions and 2. Mrs. Wolfman unfortunately had to undergo bilateral mastectomies and reconstruction, and had to go through the volume choice/discussions herself. (In her case, she preferred a larger size than I suggested because she felt that worked better for her. I, like Arbitrator, am one of those less common types of guys who actually tend to prefer a smaller, more natural looking bust size on most women. As is appropriate, she went for the size that SHE felt comfortable with, which was actually still a little smaller than her pre-mastectomy size.) And I also know of a situation where just a 25 cc inflation variation made a visible difference for one woman, which is again a reason why I am convinced that you are wrong that her look did not change.




Rowan said:


> My opinion is that if someone has a fetish or strong sexual attraction/aversion to some attribute, it's up to them to find and date people who meet their requirements.


In this case, I think her fiancé DID find a woman who fit his fetish. It was only with the downsizing to a "sporty" size that she no longer fit his fetish. Of course, it's her right to choose her look, but I think the insinuation that he was trying to alter her to fit his fetish is wrong---I think she fit it initially, but maybe not so much after the change. And, for the reasons stated in the first section, I think it is very likely her appearance DID change, regardless of bra fit. I think the assumption that bra fit = no change in appearance is just not correct.

As I have stated before, I DON'T think she should just give in to her fiancé against her own wishes. Therefore, I think that there truly is an insurmountable impasse, and that they will have to part ways. But I remain convinced she really DID change with the "sporty" look, and no longer fit his fetish the way she used to.


----------



## uhtred

In some ways I think this is simple. 

She has the absolute right to do what she wants with her body. Everyone has the right to leave a relationship anytime they want for any reason they want, as long as they fulfill their legal / financial obligations.


----------



## katies

the big boobs, the giant ring - y'all are pretty superficial. What exactly is real about this relationship and the people in it?


----------



## Blondilocks

Help me out, guys. I'm trying to figure out what constitutes 'sporty' looking boobs.

OP, pay for your own surgery and pick what you like. After all, you're the one who will be wearing them. And, you'll have them long after he's gone. If he hasn't married you by now, he's not gonna. This whole charade of big or bigger is just a ploy to give him an out. Good luck with whatever you decide.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Blondilocks said:


> Help me out, guys. I'm trying to figure out what constitutes 'sporty' looking boobs.
> 
> OP, pay for your own surgery and pick what you like. After all, you're the one who will be wearing them. And, you'll have them long after he's gone. If he hasn't married you by now, he's not gonna. * This whole charade of big or bigger is just a ploy to give him an out. Good luck with whatever you decide*.


Some people do create conflicts just to have a reason to exit. Whether it's for now or for later ....... like when the ex comes....ie Oh, honey you knew those little habits always drove me crazy (except when I had no one else to date)


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

I've got to admit, I've already shared a couple comments, and many have given the complete range of advice possible, that said...

I admit I'm just checking in to see if any OP responses....and this is a boob thread. 

How can one resist 😍😍


----------



## MattMatt

jrm said:


> Hi there,
> I would like to get a man's perspective on a sensitive issue that's causing problems in my relationship.
> I had 36D breasts (implants) since I met my fiancé. One of them ruptured and I had to get them replaced. I wanted to go more conservative/sporty...I'm a 48 year old mom and business professional who works out a lot. When I told him this, he was really upset. He asked me how I would feel if he got a 'sporty penis.' He was serious. He verbalized how important large breasts are to him...like REALLY important. He begged me to get large breasts again, saying he would pay for it if we did. I wanted to honor myself and choose a size I was comfortable with. I wanted 300-325 cc's and he wanted at least 400. We compromised and settled on 375cc. When I was going in for surgery, I told my doctor that the final look was more important than reaching the 375 and gave him permission to do what is best to fit the pictures I had shown him (which my boyfriend approved). I had more breast tissue than expected, therefore he went with 350. My boyfriend still paid for them, but you could tell he was really worried that they would be too small when the swelling went down. I wore my old bra and it fit perfect. I was still a 36D. However, he's devastated that they are not high and tight and round. They are more natural. They dropped a little when my tissue gave way, so I have to go in for revision surgery. Since then, he has been badgering me non-stop to get the boobs he wants. He said he would do anything. I told him I was willing to go over the muscle vs under (since he's convinced that's flattening them) and change the profile of the implant (to high profile, which protrudes more) to make him more happy, but keep them the same size. He's convinced that he won't like them unless I go up to 400cc. I know I will resent him for altering my body in a way I'm not confortable. He knows that I've struggled with an eating disorder and have body image issues. However, he continued to tell me that he's not as turned on to me anymore. He says he's worried what might happen to our relationship if I don't do it...it's that important. He would never be unfaithful, but says he finds himself looking at women more since he doesn't get it home. He also said that he has pulled back from initiating sex as a result of not liking my current breasts, which made me tear up. It's hard for me to process this. His words are harsh and cause me to be more insecure. Will he really lose attraction to me if I don't have big, bulbous boobs? He said he can't help how he feels and he broke up with his ex because she was flat chested and he wasn't turned on.
> 
> On a side note (but connected), we are engaged after being together for 11 years, we have one child together. He gave me a budget for the ring. He said I'd have to pay the difference if I found something more expensive; I agreed. While looking at rings, I found one I loved that was more expensive. I nicely asked him if he would consider paying for it, since it seems weird paying for my own ring. He was aggressive and angry that I proposed it. I apologized and told him I was happy and grateful for the amount he offered. Then...he wanted to talk about the boobs again. He said we both want something materialistic (boobs and ring) and he would pay for my ring if I get the big boobs. I was saddened at the proposal..learning I can only get the ring I want if I alter my body to fit his desires. I'm hurt knowing that my partner won't be turned on to me if I don't do what he wants. He said he's depressed. He told me most guys feel this way over certain body parts and I should remove emotion and be able to just deal with the topic at hand. Tell me, should I be upset over this or should I suck it up and accept that he is just sharing his feelings? I'm still in disbelief and feeling like this is so shallow. How is he going to feel when my body ages and sags? If I have to carry around big boobs everyday, I'm sure I'll be resentful to him and myself. What do I do? I appreciate any feedback from a man's perspective. I'm open to changing my viewpoint if this is normal/acceptable. Note: After, when I told him how hurt I was, he told me that he is still attracted to other parts of me, loves me, and wants to get married. But then expressed his deep concern that he wouldn't be able to perform if I don't get the boobs he wants and there's nothing he can do about it.  Thank you for your time and input.


He is being very, very childish in my opinion.


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## Spirit

PreRaph said:


> OP: I love breasts, I absolutely do. Big, natural, well-shaped breasts will make me salivate. But like so many others have said, I would never, ever, ever make my wife get implants. She has small breasts, but I would prefer her natural, small breasts to a pair of fake watermelons any day. Just as I would tell any woman who isn't satisfied with what I've got to go find herself herself a horsec**k and get out of my bed. It's demeaning what he wants. You have the body you have. Just take care of it rather than risking your own health and well-being by getting oversized implants.
> 
> I cannot believe how selfish this guy is. Its beyond belief.


Thanks.

Sent from my LG-H873 using Tapatalk


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## frusdil

arbitrator said:


> *Boobs are only physical extensions of the lady I'm truly attracted to.
> 
> I'm foremostly attracted to a woman's personality and empathy, and if her boobs are in line with what I like about them, then so much the better!
> 
> Frankly however, I greatly prefer smaller to midsize breasts, because of the proverbial advice, "more than a mouthful is a sheer waste!"*


^^And this is why we all love you Arb 


To the OP - Your "partner" doesn't sound like a very nice man. This whole thing is just so unhealthy and demoralising.

What would happen if you got breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy? Or a doctor ordered reduction due to back/neck problems?

He should love you for who you are, as should you. That goes both ways of course.


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## Mr.Married

As I go back and read the OP's first post, I wonder how butthead would have reacted if she would have said "But you already have a sporty penis."


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## Clockwork

This is just me talking, but I love natural breasts. Implants aren't as much of a turn on. They don't do what breasts do. They don't jiggle the same, they aren't squishy the same and they aren't shaped naturally. Give me real breasts anyday of the week.


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## David Darling

Your body, your decision. End of story.


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## waynejoey

Beauty will fade with age. If appearance is so important, then this man will fail to cherish you for who you really are either now or later in life. These are not the comments of a real man, and little boys cannot be trusted.


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## brettyboo

@jrm 

OP, it would be good to hear where your thinking got to with this ... any updates?


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## MattMatt

I love boobs.

But when it comes down to it, I prefer those of my wife.


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## LeGenDary_Man

Some men find large breasts attractive, and should not be shamed for stating the obvious. Nevertheless, breasts do not remain in picture-perfect shape forever, and being superficial is not helpful in the long-term. 

It is OK to make your lady aware of the fact that you dig large boobs when she is considering implants, but it is NOT OK to badger her into submission in this regard. I would rather be interested in 'professional input and safety considerations' in this situation.


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## personofinterest

LeGenDary_Man said:


> Some men find large breasts attractive, and should not be shamed for stating the obvious. Nevertheless, breasts do not remain in picture-perfect shape forever, and being superficial is not helpful in the long-term.
> 
> It is OK to make your lady aware of the fact that you dig large boobs when she is considering implants, but it is NOT OK to badger her into submission in this regard. I would rather be interested in 'professional input and safety considerations' in this situation.


Agree. There is no shame in liking large boobs. There are women who love a full head of hair, a goatee, a man over 6 feet tall, etc. We ALL have preferences.

I will say, though, that even if 100 "professional" medical experts lined up and told me DDs were perfectly safe, if I didn't WANT DDs, I wouldn't get them. End of story. Just like I wouldn't ask my husband to get implants if he started going bald or ask him to wear lifts if, as he got older, he dropped under 6 feet tall.


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## LeGenDary_Man

personofinterest said:


> Agree. There is no shame in liking large boobs. There are women who love a full head of hair, a goatee, a man over 6 feet tall, etc. We ALL have preferences.
> 
> I will say, though, that even if 100 "professional" medical experts lined up and told me DDs were perfectly safe, if I didn't WANT DDs, I wouldn't get them. End of story. Just like I wouldn't ask my husband to get implants if he started going bald or ask him to wear lifts if, as he got older, he dropped under 6 feet tall.


I believe in keeping myself physically fit, and encourage my wife to do the same, but yes, I see your point as well. Only a shallow man would disregard 'the whole of you' for DDs after spending a great deal of time with you as your partner. 

The lady should consider _best fit_ in the end; a solution that is good enough to ensure attraction, manageable and safe. DDs are not necessary.


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## personofinterest

"good enough to ensure attraction"

Except for this, I fully agree.


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## notmyjamie

I'd be curious to know what the OP ended up doing. It sounds to me like what he really wanted was for her to have a lift along with increasing the size. Having just had a breast reduction I can say that the lift part of it has made a huge difference for me. (No pun intended) My breasts are now half the size they were but they are in a whole new place. So even if she gets the 400cc's added back in, he might still be unhappy without the lift part of the surgery, which is much more of an invasive surgery.

I really hope it all worked out for her. Having had to carry around super large breasts for years and years and dealing with horrible back pain and needing back surgery because of it, I can't fathom ever wanting to make your breasts bigger. But the grass is always greener as they say.


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## m.t.t

I'm sorry but we could have substituted the word breasts for couch or car or fridge. 

I personally don't understand breast implants, I'm a 14DD Australian (US - 10 i think ) and I would kill for smaller breasts. But if you felt like you wanted to and I'm assuming it's somewhat normal for your social group (no one I know has implants) then it's kind of a personal thing, I don't get why you would enter into a discussion with what your partner would like. You are you, love yourself and your breasts enough not to discuss them as an object that needs alterations. Do yourself a favor and step closer to the mirror. Inside your head is a brain and inside your chest is your heart these things are what make you attractive not your cup size.

I'm sorry but I agree with the others your partner is objectifying you and you are letting him enter into that discussion.


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## dpoohclock

After reading original post, I have to say that the guy has issues. 

People can like boobs of all types and shapes, small, big, floppy, firm, .. But pretty much demanding that your spouse gets them exactly like you want when it's not what she wants.. That's just bad all around. 

My first wife bought some boobs, about 10 years into our marriage. She went from very small to what would be considered "proper" sized for her body shape. They were a godsend for clothing fitment, and they looked dang nice too. My only comments on the size choice was get something you are comfortable with, and listen to advice from others who have done the procedure. 

I agree with the many posters who said the comment back should have been the sporty package type of comment.


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## iamoookkkk

Ass>Boobs!


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## She'sStillGotIt

I'm waaaaaaay late to the party, but having just read the first post again, I see the OP wasn't even married to this douche bag and she's bending herself into a pretzel 'compromising' with him. Any douche bag I'm not even married to doesn't *get *to decide what I do or don't do at the plastic surgeon's office. Pffft.

Actually, now that I think about it, even when I'm married it _still_ doesn't matter. Back in the late 80's, my then-husband's opinion about me getting implants (he doesn't like larger chests and did NOT want me to do it) didn't sway me at ALL from getting them anyway.

So, there's that.... :grin2:


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## Talker67

my opinion?
I am all in favor of some bodacious ta tas


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## Spotthedeaddog

uhtred said:


> In a word - yes.
> 
> I'm confident that if my wife learned that I was really miserable at my job and that I wanted to switch to a lower paying, lower stress job, she would be OK with it.
> 
> She recently moved to a lower pay / lower stress job - I had no objections at all if it made her happy.


Sadly many women rapidly lose respect in their menfolk if they do this - your value of her isn't linked to her employment role, social status, or earning capacity. The opposite is almost invariably not reciprocated.


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## Elniño

Boobs are great but not at her expense. Idk how I’d enjoy sex with someone who’s uncomfortable Or in pain bc of their chest size and continued surgery 

And negotiating ring cost with boob size just wtf 

He’s clearly got some control issues and is able to use money to keep that control sounds like you might need to choose what’s important to you, dignity or continuing your lifestyle w him


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## CraigBesuden

Breast size is pretty much a non-factor to me. If my wife’s breasts were so large that they hurt her back, I’d certainly support reduction surgery.

Comparing breast surgery to penis surgery is unfair. Penis size affects your physical pleasure while breasts are simply visual.


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## Spirit

Ask him to enlarge his d.i.c.k for you. What a mother f.cking jerk. He should be happy with what Mother Nature gave you. ANR easier and more enjoyable with natural sized breasts.
Simply leave that mother f.ucker. He's not for you..

Sent from my LM-Q910 using Tapatalk


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## Casual Observer

sunsetmist said:


> Female here. Couldn't keep my mouth shut.
> 
> What would happen if you should have breast cancer--even with reconstruction, things would be different. Should you have illness, injury, whatever, would he be there for you?
> 
> You are setting an example for your daughter. What would you advise her if she were making this decision?


My wife's boobs are a mess. She's on her 3rd round with breast cancer and had both removed maybe 10 years ago? Reconstruction seemed like a reasonable thing to do but the surgeon who did the work must have been a trainee with bad eyes; one's higher than the other, they're both hard as a rock (is that why they call them knockers?), there's no fake nipple (he offered but my wife turned that down; thank goodness 'cuz I can't imagine how they would have turned out!). It's like, we don't we just take two different size cereal bowls and put them under the skin?

Oh, and her hair is going too, from the cancer drugs and such.

My wife's also quite overweight. And we've got some interesting issues requiring that, 40 years into marriage, we're doing the MC thing.

All that and you know what? I look at her and she's drop-dead gorgeous. I look forward to coming home and seeing her, every single day. 

Any guy so hung up on a middle-aged woman's boobs, sounds like 36C being too small... that's not love. I don't know what it is, but it's not love.


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## Wolfman1968

As if there weren't enough issues to worry about:

https://www.fda.gov/medical-devices/breast-implants/questions-and-answers-about-breast-implant-associated-anaplastic-large-cell-lymphoma-bia-alcl


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