# He demands a divorce and yet he acts like there is hope for us



## aboutus (Oct 8, 2009)

I'm completely confused. Here's and outline of my situation. I asked my husband for a divorce after we had another row. I believed that's what I wanted and wrote him an e-mail to confirm that I was tired of him complaining at me. I went away for a week and after careful consideration I decided my decision to divorce was not what I wanted. We had a very long talk and decided we loved each other very much. 

Unfortunatly my husband still wants a divorce and does not want to continue with the marriage. I got too tired trying to covince him that divorce was far too drastic and that we needed help to save our marriage. He disagreed and said that the fact that we'd been to a councellor and he agreed that we should part our ways then that's what we should do because the councelor was a professional. I disagree and feel that this councellor did not make any efforts to help us save our marriage and he was not suited to us.

Our major problem is we have communication issues on top of coming into this relatonship/marriage where my husband had large debts and I couldn't help but he felt I was never doing my best. I was doing the very best to pull him up and out of his depression but he's concentrate on the negative and sink deeper and deeper down within himself. He concentrates on the negative and over looks all the positive which has been the part where I have felt invisible and wasting my time no matter what I'd do to help him out. He imagion I was purposely making his life more difficult and no matter what I did or said he'd use his presious energy believing the negative of me. No matter what I did was stressful onto him. 

This has been going on almost the whole 6 years we have been married. Anyhow I gave up trying to convince him. I got stressed out by his wanting me to leave as it was his house. I lost my appetite and quite a lot of weight by the shock of our reality and the fact he wanted me out as soon as possible to help him with his stress issues. 

My question is if he wants a divorce then why would he be asking me to consider wearing my wedding ring and engagement ring to steer off potential men friends and yet at the same time he's giving me advice on going on dinner dates with men if I'm asked. He's made love to me almost to the last day I left to go back to my country. He mentioned leaving it all in Gods hands and see what he has in store for us. Yet when I metioned to him about us he reminded me how we argue too much and that we were not ment to be. He also mentions about us being good friends and coming over to my country to visit me after we divorced. He also metions about coming over to visit my family he has never met. I'm very confused and feel a little taken for granted. 

Ive been home now two days and he has not contacted me and I have contacted him. I'm confused about my husbands intentions towards me. :scratchhead:


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

People do strange things when breaking up. He hasn't integrated the idea of you being no longer his while at the same time he's thinking about freedom. It is a weird transition.

Question -- if your husband were told by a doctor that he needed a serious, life-threatening operation to solve some issue, would he seek a second opinion? Can he really risk his marriage on the advice of one "professional" who didn't really take the time to get to know your situation or to fight for your marriage?

Ask him to get a second opinion with you. 

If he's not willing or he's simply negative, go no contact. Do not contact him at all for any reason. Do not chase him.

You cannot convince someone to stay married if they don't want to. So all you can do is take care of yourself and pray.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

dobo is right. I agree.


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