# I need some advice



## nkpd (Oct 23, 2009)

I am married to my husband for 3 years. I met my husband on a matrimonial site and we fell in love with each other. But his parents were against our relationship. I never understood the reason. I am an educated, beautiful girl from a respected family of a very high caste. His mother still does not like me. Somehow we got married and I have been living with his family for one year now. But the house is like hell for me. I am suffereing from constant pressure by his parents. My mother-in-law is very controlling. She treats my husband like a little child. She asks my husband not to sleep with me and blames me for all the wrong things. She even blamed the death of a family member on me. I don't know what to do. I am losing trust in my husband also. She screams a lot at me which causes fast heartbeat. I feel scared and want to die when I hear her voice. My husband is also under her control. He cannot do anything. I want to escape out of that house with my husband but cannot convince him. Please someone help me what to do in such situation. My husband's entire family is against me but my husband cannot say anything to them. Instead he screams at me. I know his mother plays lots of games and is very diplomatic in nature. She controls everyone's mind, even my father-in-law cannot speak any word in front of her. She constantly manipulates my husband. She has ruined our relationship. She does not want us to have children. I don't understand what kind of mother she is. His sister is also exact copy of his mother. She constantly interferes in our life. 



My husband tried to divorce as his family pressurized him. As a result I stayed in shelter for one and a half month. But my husband begged me to come back and promised me that everything will happen the way I like. Before we married, he promised me that he will break relationship with his parents and sisters. But he never has courage to tell them. He is very devoted to his parents but not towards his wife. His wife should be his first priority but he always puts his parents and his sister first. He is not obeying any promises that he gave to me. He lies a lot and cannot be trustd. But despite of all his faults, I did him a favor and got back with him. But his behaviour has not changed. He cannot stop lying and treating me like a doormat. I don't want a divorce but I want him away from his parents. I always ask him to take a job in another city or country but he refuses. I don't know what to do. I am running out of all options. I am seriously looking for some advice. Please help me save my life and relationship. 

I don't even have a job. They don't want me to work so that they can have a free servant in the house. They control my every action. I am treated like a prisoner in the house. I cannot live in that house even for one minute. Please let me know if there is any way to convince a person to leave his parents. 


Lost and Helpless


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## boldwife (Oct 23, 2009)

There are a few important things you must come to terms with first:

- You said that your husband lies a lot and cannot be trusted. Moreover he treats you like a doormat. If that is the case, then what makes you think that he will not keep lying and treating you like that even if he does leave his parents? How can you be sure that he wont continue doing the same? Forget about the in-laws for a second, if you cannot establish trust in the relationship then you are just wasting your precious time with this guy. 

- Secondly, you mentioned that he tried to divorce you due ti his family pressure but then begged you to come back. But if his behavior is not changed then that means he will never ever change no matter how hard you try. My years of clinical psychology experience has shown that people who get into a habit of lying like this will only hurt you whether you live alone with them or with their family. You should face up to the reality of the relationship with your husband. More you will try to convince him to leave his parents he may become more devoted towards them and at the end you will be back to square one. Trust me, you can find much better guys than him. You are educated and beautiful and should have no problems finding a guy who would treat you like a queen rather than a doormat. But first, do the right thing and get out of this relationship before it gets out of hand. BE BOLD. You can do it!


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