# None in last 4-5 months?



## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

Me and my husband have been having a really hard time lately, including me asking him to move out maybe 2 times in the last 6months. 
He's finally talking to someone about ptsd, and it is helping A LOT!! So of course I'm back in this and try to keep a positive attitude. 

Regardless though, we haven't had sex since late July of this year. Almost 5months now, and absolutely no sex. 
Now that things are good, why is he not trying to have sex with me? He always has had a low sex drive (he only wants it about once a week), but we talked 2 weeks ago, and I told him I really want to start having sex again, so that we can reconnect on that level. We've made out maybe twice, but that's where it ends, with just kissing and a little groping. But he still hasn't even attempted to take me to the bedroom. What gives?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

marriedwoman said:


> Me and my husband have been having a really hard time lately, including me asking him to move out maybe 2 times in the last 6months.
> He's finally talking to someone about ptsd, and it is helping A LOT!! So of course I'm back in this and try to keep a positive attitude.
> 
> Regardless though, we haven't had sex since late July of this year. Almost 5months now, and absolutely no sex.
> Now that things are good, why is he not trying to have sex with me? He always has had a low sex drive (he only wants it about once a week), but we talked 2 weeks ago, and I told him I really want to start having sex again, so that we can reconnect on that level. We've made out maybe twice, but that's where it ends, with just kissing and a little groping. But he still hasn't even attempted to take me to the bedroom. What gives?


Join the club..July 17th here.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sorry to hear. that must be frustrating to say the least.

sometimes when its been awhile its hard to start back up it feels awkward and unnatural.time to really ask yourselves if you guys still want to be married.life is too short to spend it with someone who dosen't desire you or care about the things that are important to you.


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

Trying: I'm sorry to hear that =(

Chillymorn: It is pretty depressing to see him finally making some real, positive changes that could really save our marriage. But knowing, or at least feeling like, he doesn't desire me, absolutely kills me inside. It is SO depressing! Right now he feels like a roommate. =( But he IS changing for the better. At the same time, I know that I won't be happy in a sexless marriage, making it even harder for ME to try now. 

Isn't that just horrible? I feel so disconnected.... =/


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

marriedwoman said:


> Trying: I'm sorry to hear that =(
> 
> Chillymorn: It is pretty depressing to see him finally making some real, positive changes that could really save our marriage. But knowing, or at least feeling like, he doesn't desire me, absolutely kills me inside. It is SO depressing! Right now he feels like a roommate. =( But he IS changing for the better. At the same time, I know that I won't be happy in a sexless marriage, making it even harder for ME to try now.
> 
> Isn't that just horrible? I feel so disconnected.... =/


Thanks...yeah it does wonders on your "connection" feeling towards your spouse. Hope we both
get this turned around soon. Good luck. Misery loves company.

I don't get these spouses. Can't fathom their mindset.

Mine better turn around this Saturday...I gave her a way forward..she better take it. I'm pretty much done. I agree life is too short...I told my wife this. She agreed so we'll see.

This is now our longest sexual drought..ever.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

it works that way with guys also some women on this board don't think its important to show desire for there man instead they say we should be alright persuing all the time without haveing the mutual feeling that are wives desire us.


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

I hope you get some then Saturday! haha, but I know, I can't fathom their mindset either. 

If I seriously don't get some soon, I think I might just blurt out:
"H!!! I NEEEEEDDD to bang one out!! Just give it up to me already!" lol BUT ...I seriously might not even get it then. =(


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

I am the one pursing like 90% of the 'successful' times that actually lead to more than kissing... it's sort of de-feminizing (is that a word?)


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## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

Damn that's a long time. From a man's perspective it seems as though something else is on his mind like he's afraid of not living up to your expectations in the bedroom, it happens. I would try a night out or wine at home and make sure he drinks to ease his mind. When you two make out do you feel him getting excited downstairs? If he is then it sounds like a mental block. Have you tried strutting around in sexy clothes or in the nude? Hell try pleasing yourself in front of him, that may get the ball rolling. No lady deserves to be sex starved for that long. From my experience I would look hard at yourself and see if there is something you could be doing to help things out. You cannot make your husband feel what he does not want to. Often as spouses we try to change the the other person instead of changing our own ways. You know the definition of insanity right?


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

yeah, he does get excited when we are making out. But he'll stop and say he just doesn't want too, or he's too tired. At least those were his excuses before. He does look at porn though, which is a bit upsetting (only a few times a month if that)... I'm a pretty "average" attractive person I think, not overweight/not underweight.... I don't do the sexy clothes thing, because at least in the past he's literally looked right at me, said I looked nice and/or sexy even, but then gone back to watching TV. maybe things would be different now that things are "better," But the sexy clothes will come back later... if this is really what HE wants. 

...is that fair? =/


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## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

Too tired..... really? What does this man do for a living to make him so tired for sex with you? Last I checked, sex just requires penetration and I'm sure you can do the rest. Sounds like he is being selfish and not understanding of your need to be close to him. Maybe you should stop pursuing him for sex. Perhaps he feels he should be the one to be running after you. We are in the holiday season and if this drought continues till 2012, you have two choices: 1) Keep sticking it out and wait for it. 2) Get a hobby. Men are visual creatures and when we like what we see we want to get some. So wear clothes that make you look hot,not ****ty, but hot. Start sleeping in the nude with him. Or t-shirt and sexy panties. The more skin the better. Trust me a man can only take so much visual stimulation until he has to relieve himself. If all that fails then you two need to talk before you go crazy. Good luck.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Marriedwoman... STOP perusing that is NOT your role.

I would suggest you just stop doing anything for him... make yourself all the sudden busy doing something. Don't cook, don't clean, no laundry etc. Just get busy outside the house. Join a club or something...do crafts etc...make yourself busy.

He'll get the picture real fast. He'll come a calling

I'll give him no more than two weeks before you get banged out of your skull multiple times.

Serious try it.

He pulls this again..do it again. Men are like lab rats.

Good luck.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

marriedwoman said:


> Trying: I'm sorry to hear that =(
> 
> Chillymorn: It is pretty depressing to see him finally making some real, positive changes that could really save our marriage. But knowing, or at least feeling like, he doesn't desire me, absolutely kills me inside. It is SO depressing! Right now he feels like a roommate. =( But he IS changing for the better. At the same time, I know that I won't be happy in a sexless marriage, making it even harder for ME to try now.
> 
> Isn't that just horrible? I feel so disconnected.... =/


I'm in a sexual drought too, but I'm feeling like my husband may be starting to feel the connection. He is texting me several times during the day while he is working. So I know that means his mind is on me.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

I just don't get guys who don't want sex.

I feel so bad for you two ladies! I'd gladly help but I'm married.


I'm serious we need a sexless dating service while our spouses are lost in their bizarro world.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You dont say how long youre married or if you have kids. Or why you asked him to move out.
This may give us more insight into your H.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

marriedwoman said:


> He's finally talking to someone about ptsd, and it is helping A LOT!! So of course I'm back in this and try to keep a positive attitude.


Depending on the circumstances and context of his PTSD, that can explain a lot. Based on what I saw with some people when I was in NI, he might have a long way to come back from.



baltimorebarry said:


> Damn that's a long time. From a man's perspective it seems as though something else is on his mind


See above...



Trying2figureitout said:


> I just don't get guys who don't want sex.


See above. It's a fairly small sample, and the evidence is anecdotal, but people I knew who had witnessed comrades shot or blown into pieces by bombs sometimes gave up being interested about just about anything, including sex.


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

we've only been married a few years, both in our late 20s, no kids. As for asking him to move out, there was a huge lack of trust emotionally and financially, and we were starting to develop more of a mother-child relationship... yeah, we've been to marriage counseling too!
Part of me doesn't want to try anymore, but I owe it to try now still, right?


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## BBdoll (Dec 17, 2011)

I can understand your pain. I can count on one hand the number of times we have had sex in the last year. It is draining on your self-esteem. I have gotten to the point of not trying to initiate anymore. What makes it worst is their is very little affection also.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> He pulls this again..do it again. Men are like lab rats.


I resent that!!! 
It's true, but I resent it anyway!!:rofl:


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Marriedwoman... STOP perusing that is NOT your role.
> 
> I would suggest you just stop doing anything for him... make yourself all the sudden busy doing something. Don't cook, don't clean, no laundry etc. Just get busy outside the house. Join a club or something...do crafts etc...make yourself busy.
> 
> ...



I actually think this is pretty good advice. It is the "why should we both worry about it syndrome." Start going out without him dressed up, go out with the girls, find some interests that don't include him, and if he reacts, tell him you are done pursuing him. If he does not care, you don't either.

What you are doing now is not working. Remember, insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.


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## Jwayne (Dec 4, 2011)

Well, I can tell you that it's so frustrating to know that there are women out there that actually like regular sex. I've been married for about 13 years now and at first, it was pretty regular. Now, It only happens maybe once per month and on Friday nights after 10. I think that even then, the stars and the moon have to be aligned right. I really miss the feel and touch of a woman. God's greatest art work is a womans body. Unfortunately, I never get to see my wife's. I'm to the point where....... I just don't care anymore. Basically, the only thing that tells me that I'm married to a woman is her clothes.


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