# Traveling for work - fears and concerns



## TruthSetsYouFree (May 10, 2011)

Hello all. I am not married, but I have found this site to be helpful in regard to relationships in general. I live with my boyfriend and we have discussed a future together in some depth. Overall, things are good. The primary issues in our relationship are his temper (he tends to get frustrated at the drop of a hat; in fact something as insignificant as dropping a hat could get him frustrated); he can be condescending at times, kind of like a parent speaking to a young child (he does this to everyone, myself and his family included); he has a bit of an ego (more than what I am used to with previous partners); he has trust issues (I have never given him reason to not trust me but he has been cheated on in the past and can become suspicious quite easily). It is primarily this latter issue that concerns me in this post. I recently was offered a position at a new company. I will have to travel out of state in July for almost a week for a convention. My worries are actually twofold. I am nervous about how he will handle my being gone. I know that I would never do anything I wouldn't be comfortable doing in front of him, but I fear I am going to have to constantly reassure him nothing is happening. I also have my own worries about him doing something he shouldn't while I am gone. He has never cheated on anyone before, but anything is possible. I guess I'm just interested to hear from people who have had to travel for work and how they handled fears and insecurities within themselves and in their partners.


----------



## mikey11 (May 31, 2011)

it sounds like both of you have trust issues....travelling away for a week for work purposes should not be any kind of an issue in a trusted relationship....


----------



## TruthSetsYouFree (May 10, 2011)

Hi Mikey11 - I have trust issues because of my past. I have been cheated on and my father had numerous affairs during my parents' marriage. Many of them were while he was on business trips, but he didn't let distance deter him. He also cheated locally. Also, I have self-esteem issues where I sometimes don't feel pretty enough and those feed into my fears. I let myself give into these horrid imaginings of him meeting some far more beautiful woman and "forgetting" me in the moment. 

I do agree with you that this should not be an issue in a trusting relationship and I do trust him in my heart. It's my own insecurities about myself that cause me doubt.


----------



## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

TruthSetsYouFree said:


> The primary issues in our relationship are;
> 
> 1. his temper
> 2. he can be condescending at times
> ...


Think long and hard about a future with this relationship. These are serious things that are going to get worse if not addressed before major committments.

Good luck.


----------



## TruthSetsYouFree (May 10, 2011)

rider03 said:


> Think long and hard about a future with this relationship. These are serious things that are going to get worse if not addressed before major committments.
> 
> Good luck.


Yeah... I've thought about this. I didn't see any of that until we were officially together. It was kind of a surprise to see all of those behaviors when they revealed themselves. And, yes, it has caused me some doubt if it's stuff I want to deal with for the rest of my life.


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

When people tell/show you the truth about them believe them. Oh and the bad behaviors are only magnified once married. 

Think long and hard about your future. The temper alone scares me much less the trust issues.


----------



## TruthSetsYouFree (May 10, 2011)

The temper is so unattractive. He'll get so worked up and upset over the dumbest crap. And starts swearing. A lot. It's very unappealing.


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Maybe think of this as a question about the relationship in general. Personally, I would have a hard time marrying someone if there was serious mistrust about absences. Yes, its normal to be nervous about it at first, but travelling eventually just becomes 2nd nature.

At first, I called my wife every night after turning in to the hotel room. Now, I just stick to a couple of times per week.

If you travel much, trust becomes critical. Too many situations come up. I've been stuck over the weekend in airports, had a fellow female traveller stick her room card in my pocket, had to pull all nighters away from the phone, etc. But I'm usually the designated driver for the new guys who party the whole time.

There's often comfort in reviewing your company's travel policies. My company strictly forbids private meetings in hotel rooms, room sharing, or certain types of room upgrades. Only one drink can be expensed per meal, etc. We have emergency services to help me or my wife if something happens when I travel, and they're always available. In short, just be professional about it.


----------



## TruthSetsYouFree (May 10, 2011)

Thanks Halien! This will actually be the only trip I will have to go on with this new job. It's a once-a-year convention. I will give my boyfriend the name and phone number of the hotel I'll be staying in as well as my room number. Of course, I'll always have my cell phone with me. Also, since this is a brand new job, I will not be drinking or engaging in any behaviors that would be frowned upon, even if I were single. Trust is simply necessary, you are right about that. Plus, I accept that I only have control over what I do. If he chooses to do something he shouldn't do, then that is on him. We live in a small town so if he does transgress, I will more than likely eventually find out. If that happens, I'm done with the relationship.


----------



## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

Take him with you, problem solved, he can lounge around the pool all day and treat it as a holiday and you can network your ass off with him in earshot, knowing full well that he is going to be in the hotel room with you that evening....


----------



## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

:iagree::iagree::iagree: with Mephisto


----------

