# Orgasms for her



## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

My wife and I have a pretty strong sex life. It seems that when we have sex, in most cases she orgasms. This is a real point of emphasis and I work hard to bring her to climax first. When she does orgasm, that's it. She's done. We've both always heard/read about women who have repeated orgasms, or waves of them. 

With her, it seems more like a male experience : after a huge explosion, there's a refraction period. How many other women are like this?

This is not a real problem, it just something I'm always wondering about.

I wonder: Am I doing something wrong? Is there a method /technique that I'm lacking? Just curious.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Has she ever experienced multiple orgasms before (i.e. masturbation or previous partners?)

In my own experience, I can only have multiples on my own, not with a partner. I can't speak on behalf on other women, but I'm pretty sure in my case it takes a while for my husband to get me to orgasm (it's amazing and absolutely fulfilling when it happens), but then I don't get the same immediate urgency period that I typically experience with masturbation. I can't tell how much of that comes from being able to completely "let go" by myself whereas with a partner it feels like too much attention/pressure is on me, or if there's a biological factor involved in the stimulation, but the process and refractory period vastly differs between orgasms on my own versus given to me by someone else.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Shamrockfaced said:


> With her, it seems more like a male experience : after a huge explosion, there's a refraction period. How many other women are like this?


I'm like you describe where I have one explosive orgasm and can't have another for a while. However unlike the typical male experience, my orgasm does not temporarily end sexual arousal. I want to continue having sex but my clitoris is too sensitive to experience another orgasm for a while. 



Shamrockfaced said:


> I wonder: Am I doing something wrong? Is there a method /technique that I'm lacking? Just curious.


Rest assured, you are not doing anything wrong. She is just not multiorgasmic, at least at the moment. This may change for her later in life. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

WilliamM said:


> How long is her refractory period?


Usually, it is the end of the "session", meaning when she orgasms at night, we typically fall asleep. We do it again in the morning.

So, I would say refraction is an hour or more. I can't say for certain.


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## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

ButWeAreStrange said:


> Has she ever experienced multiple orgasms before (i.e. masturbation or previous partners?)
> 
> In my own experience, I can only have multiples on my own, not with a partner. I can't speak on behalf on other women, but I'm pretty sure in my case it takes a while for my husband to get me to orgasm (t


She hasn't shared with me if she is multi orgasm ice during masturbation. I don't think she'd admit it to me.

As far as other partners, we're monogamous and have been together since early teens. She has not had other partners.

What you say is true...it does take a while to get to that point of orgasm.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Shamrockfaced said:


> She hasn't shared with me if she is multi orgasm ice during masturbation. I don't think she'd admit it to me.
> 
> As far as other partners, we're monogamous and have been together since early teens. She has not had other partners.
> 
> What you say is true...it does take a while to get to that point of orgasm.



I am like your wife.. and also we have been together since our teens... haven't been with anyone else.. I am a one and done type... and he is like you.. a very generous lover who wants to make sure I get mine 1st.. .. 

I have never been multi orgasmic... only when my drive was really high.. a phase I went through .... 1 time I experienced 2 in a row... though the 2nd was not as strong as the 1st...

and my refractory period during that time was very short.. I could have done it 6 times a day and got off every time... these days.. once a day is enough.. I would probably struggle to get off a second time in the same day... though the thought and idea of it is wonderful - wish I could !


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Some women are one-and done. Some even lose interest in sex after they have an O. If she also loses interest, then alternating who goes first is fair.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Your wife might be having a clitoral orgasm during sex, which becomes sensitive afterwards (like men) and needs some alone time before its ready for stimulation again.

Internal, vaginal, orgasms dont have this recharge time and they are the gateway to multiple orgasms. look to download a ebook called "sex god method"


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Is it you who is concerned about the lack of multiple orgasam or is it your wife? I sure your wife is just perfectly fine with the one orgasm and as long as she doesn’t end the sex as soon as she’s had one and leave you hanging than i see no problem.

As for me, i can and have had multiple orgasm but it doesn’t happen all the time, sometimes i don’t even have an orgasm. I’m happy if I have an oragasm and hubby has a good one too, but to be honest even the times i am not able to get there and it’s just hubby are good experience for me too as i get much more out of sex than just an orgasm.


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## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

Daisy12 said:


> Is it you who is concerned about the lack of multiple orgasam or is it your wife? I sure your wife is just perfectly fine with the one orgasm and as long as she doesn’t end the sex as soon as she’s had one and leave you hanging than i see no problem.
> 
> As for me, i can and have had multiple orgasm but it doesn’t happen all the time, sometimes i don’t even have an orgasm. I’m happy if I have an oragasm and hubby has a good one too, but to be honest even the times i am not able to get there and it’s just hubby are good experience for me too as i get much more out of sex than just an orgasm.


If there is concern, it's definitely more from me than from her. She's never expressed a desire for more or indicated that she's 'missing out'. She does read some 'mommy porn' type novels and I've browsed a few of those. I know the 'waves and waves' of orgasms is a thing that is put out there as ecstacy for a woman. I've talked with it about her once or twice and she has just said 'yea, I've heard of that happening for women but it doesn't work like that for me'. It's not an issue for her. It's not an issue for me either, although I think I'm someone who always struggles a bit with feelings of inadequacy and need for achievement. This is true not just in sex but in life in general. I'm a 'people pleaser' and also ultra competitive, but frequently have self doubt.

In fact, our sex life sounds very similar to yours. She almost always orgasms, and even though she's 'through', she never leaves me hanging at all. She gets off in seeing me orgasm too, and occasionally it 'isn't her day' but she's not ever expressed a concern.

An earlier person pointed out.... And yes, her orgasms are always clitoral stimulation. Maybe those vaginal orgasms are the multiple varieties that I'm not providing. Maybe I need to up my game. Always willing to try.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

My wife is one and done girl. Sometimes over stimulation gets the best of her before she gets there. Most of the time she can go on just for me. 
Sometimes I go on and sometimes I just take delight in the fact we shared that time together. We have never considered it to be any type of
issue.


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## Knips (May 23, 2017)

Same with my wife. One big O and then it is over for her. Tried for more, but never succeeded.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

The only multiples I've had are internal but still with clitoral stimulation via vibrator


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

My wife also a one and done. But get this she will orgasm in less than 30 seconds after PIV. She explodes. She will continue till I get mine but then she is way to exhausted for anything else. We are a twice a week couple. She says it’s a never ending type orgasm. Anyways it’s frushtrating at times because it’s so quick.


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## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

One thing that is interesting is that her orgasms seem to be super intense. Almost, like painful. She does not lie there with a glow and a soft expression. It'll you didn't know it was pleasure, it would appear that she was being stabbed. Usually involves writhing and moaning. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. However, she assures me (most of the time... I don't ask her everytime because it's repetitive) that it was good or "amazing". But, usually this intense experience leads to her needing to pass out (if night) or lie and recover (if morning).

On Saturday night she had such an orgasm. This one was super intense like that, but maybe even moreso. When I asked "are you coming" She actually yelled "NO!" but then proceeded to moan and writhe in ecstasy (or pain??). After she was done, I finished inside of her and then she passed out. She seemed to really be struggling with me after she had orgasmed and I was finishing. I have not yet asked her about why she said 'no'.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Shamrockfaced said:


> One thing that is interesting is that her orgasms seem to be super intense. Almost, like painful. She does not lie there with a glow and a soft expression. It'll you didn't know it was pleasure, it would appear that she was being stabbed. Usually involves writhing and moaning. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. However, she assures me (most of the time... I don't ask her everytime because it's repetitive) that it was good or "amazing". But, usually this intense experience leads to her needing to pass out (if night) or lie and recover (if morning).
> 
> On Saturday night she had such an orgasm. This one was super intense like that, but maybe even moreso. When I asked "are you coming" She actually yelled "NO!" but then proceeded to moan and writhe in ecstasy (or pain??). After she was done, I finished inside of her and then she passed out. She seemed to really be struggling with me after she had orgasmed and I was finishing. I have not yet asked her about why she said 'no'.


LOL she probably yelled NO so you could shut up! When I'm right about to cum from clitoral, I need to be super focused. Random questions, shifts in speed etc. would distract me and make me lose the momentum.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Either you are an amazing lover, or she just comes super easy. Either way... Who cares !?! You Win!!!


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Shamrockfaced said:


> An earlier person pointed out.... And yes, her orgasms are always clitoral stimulation. Maybe those vaginal orgasms are the multiple varieties that I'm not providing. Maybe I need to up my game. Always willing to try.


That's what I was looking for. But first, I want to point out that you may be defining multiple orgasms as something other than they are. All it means is that a woman can cum more than once in a session. It doesn't mean they occur all at once, nor does it mean they arrive one immediately following the other. So, if you and she continued the lovemaking session, she would be able to cum again. Continue from there, and she would cum a third time.

But clitoral orgasms don't occur rapidly. Yes, there is a refractory period but unlike that of a man's. After a woman orgasms by clitoral stimulation, her clit becomes waaayy too sensitive to be touched. She probably moves (or rapidly pushes) your head away to get you away from it. It's just that sensitive. But it can happen just a short few minutes after giving her time to be less sensitive. You could go down on her again 5 minutes later (gently), an hour later, in the middle of the night, whenever. In fact, I had a boyfriend who knew this and tricked me once into an immediate orgasm following the first one. After I moved his head away, he went right back at it to my utter shock and raging anger. I was screaming from not being able to take it and kept trying to move him or get away from him, but he wouldn't let me and wouldn't stop. I guess he was determined, and I was sooo mad. And then the next thing I knew, within 5-10 seconds, I was screaming with ecstasy. It was glorious. The pleasure was even more intense and so was the orgasm.

But that was a rarity. Guys normally stop after the woman tells them to stop (or makes them stop by pushing his head away). This was a first with my boyfriend at the time, and he never, to my slight disappointment LOL, did it again, and I never asked him to. I'm not suggesting you try that with your wife, but it's a thought.

With that said, I want you to be clear that multiple orgasms also doesn't mean they occur in the same manner or by the same method. I said before that if you continue the session, she will cum again. But of course you realize she won't want you to continue performing on her because she's too sensitive for you to continue (my story of that one experience notwithstanding). So if you give her a few minutes to become less sensitive and go down on her again, then she will enjoy it and cum again. And multiple orgasms also means that she can cum by different methods, such as clitoral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, and some, I heard, have anal orgasms. I wouldn't know about those though. My point is that multiple orgasms means she can cum more than once or as often as she likes by whatever means in any given session.

And that brings me to another point, which I'm afraid you may not like so much, but I'm not trying to give you a complex or anything. A lot of women, multitudes of women actually, say they don't/can't have vaginal orgasms. Some actually say they don't like intercourse and only do it for his pleasure. And, it's possible your girl is one of these women. She and none other would ever admit that to their husband/boyfriend, so I think it is possible that's the reason she's finished after her orgasm. She can't cum again because she's too sensitive for you to continue oral stimulation, and she doesn't get anything out of intercourse. She might find intercourse pleasurable to some degree but not to a degree that she is able to orgasm that way. Or, intercourse is not pleasurable much at all. So after the O, she's done. I'm just being real and divluging our little secret we graciously never tell our men about. We think we're being gracious to spare his feelings. I think it's sad but have to admit I was among their ranks until I learned differently, and learning comes from experience, so my experience came from a boyfriend who was more experienced than me (a different boyfriend from the one mentioned above).

What I learned is intercourse is, or can be, very pleasurable because I can have vaginal orgasms. What a revelation that was. It's often just not something that women know until they are with a man who is more experienced than them, and, usually, that man is more experienced because he was with a woman who had been taught and then taught him. Men learn a woman's body through other women, and women learn about their own body from men. It's all from experiment and experience. If you don't already know then no matter how hard you try, you don't know what to do, and women are often too shy for too much experiment. It's actually annoying. You cannot please her vaginally unless she is able to guide you, but she can't guide you unless she found out previously. So you don't know how unless you were with someone who taught you. 

To help you out, I posted a couple techniques for vaginal orgasms here just in case you can find them helpful. Like I said, I think it's sad that so many women don't find intercourse as pleasurable as I know it can be or to say they can't have vaginal orgasms. Women are not made so differently, so I know that most women are just not aware. And for you to say your wife claims she cannot have multiple orgasms is along those same lines when I know that she can if only she knew it for herself. Or maybe she does know but needs to learn that she can have vaginal orgasms, and that vaginal orgasms are included in the term "multiple orgasms". I hope this helps both of you.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Shamrockfaced said:


> On Saturday night she had such an orgasm. This one was super intense like that, but maybe even moreso. When I asked "are you coming" She actually yelled "NO!" but then proceeded to moan and writhe in ecstasy (or pain??). After she was done, I finished inside of her and then she passed out. She seemed to really be struggling with me after she had orgasmed and I was finishing. I have not yet asked her about why she said 'no'.


You're kidding me, right? You're going down on her and actually STOPPED to ASK her if she was cumming??? Tell me this didn't really happen.


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## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

StarFires said:


> Shamrockfaced said:
> 
> 
> > On Saturday night she had such an orgasm. This one was super intense like that, but maybe even moreso. When I asked "are you coming" She actually yelled "NO!" but then proceeded to moan and writhe in ecstasy (or pain??). After she was done, I finished inside of her and then she passed out. She seemed to really be struggling with me after she had orgasmed and I was finishing. I have not yet asked her about why she said 'no'.
> ...


Not kidding but I was not going down on her. It was PIV sex at the time, with manual clitoral stimulation. I was moving in shallow and asked if she was coming because that is when I would begin to deep thrust and cum about the same time. As it turned out, I came out as she pulled away squirming. I flipped her over on her stomach and finished.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Shamrockfaced said:


> Not kidding but I was not going down on her. It was PIV sex at the time, with manual clitoral stimulation. I was moving in shallow and asked if she was coming because that is when I would begin to deep thrust and cum about the same time. As it turned out, I came out as she pulled away squirming. I flipped her over on her stomach and finished.


Okay, you weren't going down on her, but the revelation of what you did is just as bad. There are so many men on these boards who complain about not getting any sex, and I honestly wonder why. I know there are men who don't know anything about pleasing a woman, there are some who don't care, and some men do know and do care. But I also know that there are very few who actually tune in to their woman, and you just told me that you fall into that category. 

And here you are asking why your wife doesn't have multiple orgasms. I answered your question in my earlier response.


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## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

StarFires said:


> Shamrockfaced said:
> 
> 
> > Not kidding but I was not going down on her. It was PIV sex at the time, with manual clitoral stimulation. I was moving in shallow and asked if she was coming because that is when I would begin to deep thrust and cum about the same time. As it turned out, I came out as she pulled away squirming. I flipped her over on her stomach and finished.
> ...


Thanks for the tips in the other thread. I need to focus more on these. Your previous comments are appreciated. I think your assessment of me is a bit off but also accurate in some areas, but I do actually realize (now) that my asking her if she's cumming is actually rooted in my own insecurity and need for validation. We've talked about me asking her during sex before. She has said 'can't you tell?'. My response was 'yes, but I like to be sure'. I realize now that this is my fear coming out and only a distraction during the moment.

Thinking more deeply about this, maybe this has something to do with my own experience with porn hearing women scream things like "OMG that feels so good I'm coming!". As you rightly have pointed out, porn is a terrible instructor and I've found myself being guided by that. Interesting thing to think about.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Your thinking too much about all this. She comes with you. You're doing better than 1/3 of all couples. It will only get better.


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

Shamrockfaced said:


> Thanks for the tips in the other thread. I need to focus more on these. Your previous comments are appreciated. I think your assessment of me is a bit off but also accurate in some areas, but I do actually realize (now) that my asking her if she's cumming is actually rooted in my own insecurity and need for validation. We've talked about me asking her during sex before. She has said 'can't you tell?'. My response was 'yes, but I like to be sure'. I realize now that this is my fear coming out and only a distraction during the moment.
> 
> Thinking more deeply about this, maybe this has something to do with my own experience with porn hearing women scream things like "OMG that feels so good I'm coming!". As you rightly have pointed out, porn is a terrible instructor and I've found myself being guided by that. Interesting thing to think about.


Personally, I love it when my husband _"tells"_ me to come (or even hotter tells me not to!) but if he were to _ask_ if I were...ugh, NO...total turn-off, like instantaneously. But, we've had over 20 years together to learn these things about each other, I also know how much HE enjoys hearing and seeing my enjoyment, and I'm happy to oblige  but I don't think I've ever screamed out your porn quote in the throes of orgasmic bliss? His name, omg, etc...there's definitely no question: bliss is at hand, I would NOT like it if he had to ask. 

Recognizing that you are insecure in this area and have a need for validation is a step towards _*stopping*_ that behavior, if it is indeed a libido killer for _*her*_ of course (it would be for most of the women I know). Pretty simple tweak with the potential for positive results...win/win


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

my wife needs a good five minutes from when her orgasm occurred until i can start playing with her again. She just gets overloaded.

How about this...tie your wife up....hands tight to the bedposts, legs spread apart. And make her cum. Then give her some down time. Then make her cum again. then some more down time....then make her come a 3rd time.

by tying her up...she will mentally have to giver her orgasm control over to you...and will then be able to relax and have the multiple orgasms she seeks.


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## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

I'm coming to the conclusion that it's almost completely for practical reasons she's "one and done". It sounds sort of sad, but it's kind of the way life is for us at this point in our lives. Young children, busy schedules, both athletes, etc.

For example, last night we stayed up having a few drinks together. We cuddled on the couch until about 11pm until we went upstairs. From then until about 1:30am it was torrid sex. She was telling me several times that she wanted to orgasm "lots". Well, when she did, it was a very explosive climax (that leg/whole body shaking type of thing). She was paralyzed for a bit. I climaxed too and at that point we both just passed out. My 5:30am alarm clock was coming soon and she had an early morning too. We woke up this morning about 5 and banged out another quick session before I had to get ready for work.

I think in the moment, we both love the idea of orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. But in actuality, when that refraction period hits, rationale takes over and we continue out. This is normal for us. 

Perhaps when we get away (once or twice a year we go on a 'sexcation') without kids or a schedule I'll think about this more.


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

>


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## Just another (Feb 21, 2018)

My wife usually has about 3-5 almost everytime. Sometimes fewer sometimes more.


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