# Husband wants me to have sex with other men to spice up our sex life. WTF?



## Runnergirl71 (12 mo ago)

Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

What your husband is doing in calling you "frigid" is called blame shifting. He is trying to make his abhorrent behavior your fault. His behavior is deviant.

How do you think divorce would hurt your children any more than living in this situation?

How hold are each of your children? 

Are you working outside the home?


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## Runnergirl71 (12 mo ago)

Cynthia said:


> What your husband is doing in calling you "frigid" is called blame shifting. He is trying to make his abhorrent behavior your fault. His behavior is deviant.
> 
> How do you think divorce would hurt your children any more than living in this situation?
> 
> ...





Cynthia said:


> What your husband is doing in calling you "frigid" is called blame shifting. He is trying to make his abhorrent behavior your fault. His behavior is deviant.
> 
> How do you think divorce would hurt your children any more than living in this situation?
> 
> ...


\
I guess I just feel all of the changes will really affect the kids negatively. They are 15 and 7. I think about them more than myself. I do work outside of the home and yes he is a sexual deviant.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


Man's opinion here.

Your "husband" is an ass and shouldn't be married. Staying for the kids is a mistake. You are letting them grow up with a man that has no morals when it comes to marriage and fidelity. You staying is condoning his behavior even if you say you don't like it. No he is trying to pimp you out to random guys. How much more of a wake up call do you need?


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## Angie?or… (Nov 15, 2021)

None of this is normal. You are definitely NOT “frigid” and he sounds seriously disturbed. Please figure out how to remove yourself from this nightmare of a marriage - for the sake of your kids as well as yourself. It’s not a healthy situation for any of you.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

By staying with this scumbag, you are teaching your kids that this is what husbands/Daddys/Adult men do. It's not. It shouldn't be accepted. No, this is not what men do. Spicing up the sex life might include BJs, bondage, role play, anal, in the car behind Walmart, parked at the lake or a romantic evening. Not other people. That's not adding spice, but adding health risks.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Runnergirl71 said:


> \
> I guess I just feel all of the changes will really affect the kids negatively. They are 15 and 7. I think about them more than myself. I do work outside of the home and yes he is a sexual deviant.


So why not make an effort to get them out of an environment where they live with a sexual deviant?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


Dump this entitled idiot. Staying with someone like that is a bad example for your children! You're teaching your daughter that this is the type of man to marry and you're teaching your son that this is the type of man to be.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


Coming from a former person who has spent years in the swinging lifestyle, your husband is the worst kind of creep. He likely has some form of sex addiction and is unable to live within boundaries. His actions are not just simply wrong they are very dangerous, who knows who these guys are that are reaching out to you based on your fake profile. 

This is so far out of bounds it is impossible to overstate.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Is it possible that your husband is a sex addict? I ask because he sounds like one of those people who always need to escalate to the next thing in order to get a sexual high, just like a drug addict.


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## Runnergirl71 (12 mo ago)

leftfield said:


> Is it possible that your husband is a sex addict? I ask because he sounds like one of those people who always need to escalate to the next thing in order to get a sexual high, just like a drug addict.


It's a possibility. He watches porn practically everyday. He has stopped because now he goes and has sex with his mistress. He also takes testosterone injections and I notice it just makes him even more sex crazy. I have no idea why he takes these injections.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Oh my God, this is absolutely awful. You are a saint to deal with your husband. I get dealing with this for the kids, but I can’t imagine attempting to keep this up long term.


first of all, he is a cheater, which also means he lies. So you have an untrustworthy husband that also sleeps with a lot of other women who could be bringing home STDs with him.

this Right here is where I would stop normally. I think you should leave him and find someone who would love you and treat you properly.

beyond that, you’ve given into so many things well beyond what I would see most wives do. You look to be a good wife to your husband. Many quality men would kill to have that. You have options. Your husband asking you to sleep with other men and be swingers is well beyond unreasonable.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Runnergirl71 said:


> It's a possibility. He watches porn practically everyday. He has stopped because now he goes and has sex with his mistress. He also takes testosterone injections and I notice it just makes him even more sex crazy. I have no idea why he takes these injections.


You’re not doing your children any favor by staying with the pervert you’re married to. In fact, you could be doing them great harm. Now, your morally corrupt husband wants to bring strange men into your lives.

Please find your self-esteem, get a good lawyer, sue for full custody, and child support, with him getting supervised visitation only, and run, don’t walk, away from this POS as fast as you can.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Runnergirl71 said:


> It's a possibility. He watches porn practically everyday. He has stopped because now he goes and has sex with his mistress. He also takes testosterone injections and I notice it just makes him even more sex crazy. I have no idea why he takes these injections.


The longer you stay with this deviant, the harder it will be to leave. You can tell your daughters that you husband is cheating on you and, therefore, you must leave. If they don't understand now, eventually they will. I recommend that you begin to make an exit plan. You aren't doing your kids any favors by staying.
Also, I hope you are not having sex with him. He is a dangerous man. The testosterone injections can make him violent. 
Flee this situation as soon as possible. Again, make an exit plan and flee before someone in your family is physically hurt. When you do this, be prepared that he may become violent. I wouldn't tell him that you are leaving. Get legal help, file for divorce, find a place to live, and leave without telling him where you are going. You may end up having to take out a protection order against him. I have a bad feeling about this.


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## Runnergirl71 (12 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Oh my God, this is absolutely awful. You are a saint to deal with your husband. I get dealing with this for the kids, but I can’t imagine attempting to keep this up long term.
> 
> 
> first of all, he is a cheater, which also means he lies. So you have an untrustworthy husband that also sleeps with a lot of other women who could be bringing home STDs with him.
> ...


20 years is a long time. I'm tired now and I just can't go on with him. I just wanted some feedback from somebody objective that this isn't something I can fix and I'm not crazy. He manipulates and makes it seem like something is wrong with me. He even tells his few friends that it's all my fault, of course he never talks about the deviant things he does or asks me to do. I tell him that if he continues down this path, I can't go with him. He will end up alone.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

It sounds like your husband is a **** in addition to an asshole.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Runnergirl71 said:


> 20 years is a long time. I'm tired now and I just can't go on with him. I just wanted some feedback from somebody objective that this isn't something I can fix and I'm not crazy. He manipulates and makes it seem like something is wrong with me. He even tells his few friends that it's all my fault, of course he never talks about the deviant things he does or asks me to do. I tell him that if he continues down this path, I can't go with him. He will end up alone.


What he's doing is called DARVO (deny accuse, reverse victim and offender). He is also causing you to doubt your values and perceptions, which is called gaslighting. He's hitting you with a full quiver of ammunition to manipulate and control you, even to the point of your doubting what you see and believe. He's an abuser. He doesn't care if he gives you an STD. I hate to say this, but I think you need to understand the situation you are in: he probably doesn't wash himself when going from one person to the next. You really need to wake up to the depth of your situation and flee as soon as possible.

I'm very sorry that you are in this situation.


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## Runnergirl71 (12 mo ago)

thunderchad said:


> It sounds like your husband is a **** in addition to an asshole.


He is on both counts, but will never admit it or even think about counseling. He thinks I have the problems, not him. Very self-centered.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Runnergirl71 said:


> He is on both counts, but will never admit it or even think about counseling. He thinks I have the problems, not him. Very self-centered.


You're right, he is very self-centered. Counseling only works for people that want to change. Clearly he doesn't.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

You and your husband are a model of what a relationship should look like for your kids - is this really what you want your children to learn? They might not pick up on everything but I'm sure they have gleaned that he isn't faithful and that you tolerate it. I'm sure this is hard on you and it's not easy in any way, but think about what you want your children to become later in life. Being with you as a single parent is better than this terrible example he's setting for them. You don't deserve this and neither do they.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

What are your ages? Kids? Do you work?

It is time to leave this man behind. Can you do that?

The repeated cheating alone is a big enough reason. You deserve a man who loves and respects you.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

This man does not love you the way a husband should. As the mother of his kids, he should see your body as his precious. But instead he is hoping to leverage you to get access to other foolish men’s wives. Don’t allow him to bully you into lowering your standards. It is better to dump him and leave with your dignity. There’s a guy out there that would love a self respecting woman who’s has down to earth sexual desires . Btw, you’re NOT frigid.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Yeah, it's time to walk away. I think you'll be shocked by how you feel once you can actually make the decision to yourself. It'll be freeing.


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## PlacerTom (12 mo ago)

Okay, well, you asked for insight from women, and I'm a man, so, sorry for that. I'd punch your husband in the face (verbally) if I could. That's ridiculous to me, though I know some sexually "liberated" people wouldn't care. I've been living in a sexless marriage for several years and I'd love it if my wife would have any sex with me at all. Sounds like you are more than willing, and he should be thankful for that. I imagine others have suggested he has issues he needs to work on. I'll second that. Good luck.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Runnergirl71 said:


> It's a possibility. He watches porn practically everyday. He has stopped because now he goes and has sex with his mistress. He also takes testosterone injections and I notice it just makes him even more sex crazy. I have no idea why he takes these injections.


He's a porn and sex addict. If you have any teenagers in the house I wouldn't trust him around their friends. You're the only one who can set an example here and say this isn't appropriate and you certainly need to learn to say no. He'll probably get aggressive since he's trying to max out his testosterone.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Runnergirl71 said:


> 20 years is a long time. I'm tired now and I just can't go on with him. I just wanted some feedback from somebody objective that this isn't something I can fix and I'm not crazy. He manipulates and makes it seem like something is wrong with me. He even tells his few friends that it's all my fault, of course he never talks about the deviant things he does or asks me to do. I tell him that if he continues down this path, I can't go with him. He will end up alone.


Cheaters always gaslight and try to make it somebody else's fault. You're not going to change him so you need to get out. This isn't even safe for your children to be around or your children's friends.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Runnergirl71 said:


> 20 years is a long time. I'm tired now and I just can't go on with him. I just wanted some feedback from somebody objective that this isn't something I can fix and I'm not crazy. He manipulates and makes it seem like something is wrong with me. He even tells his few friends that it's all my fault, of course he never talks about the deviant things he does or asks me to do. I tell him that if he continues down this path, I can't go with him. He will end up alone.


He will continue to escalate things more and more. He is sick. Actually beyond sick, psychotic.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Kids know when their parents are cheating. If you have a 17 year old, I bet your child knows what's going on.

Staying with someone like your husband is damaging your children. If you want to do something for them, get a divorce and start a new life for the 3 of you. 

I feel sort for your 17 year old child. Please open your eyes and save your child before it's too late.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

There is no greater respect than "self" respect. If you stay with this reptile any longer , you will have none. Get rid of him and find the man you deserve.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

even IF you were OK with it, NOBODY uses their real email address for such hookup communications! NOBODY!

your husband is stupid, as well as a jerk. You are now open to all sorts of scams and phishing things. time to close that email account, and open up a new one, and NOT tell him your new email address! Don't open ANY emails on that compromised account, and especially do not click on a single link in any emails you get there.

as for the other idiocy your hubby is up to....i will wait for the others to crucify him a little before i chime in


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> even IF you were OK with it, NOBODY uses their real email address for such hookup communications! NOBODY!


The man is not right in the head. I have seen this before it's very very bad.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

PlacerTom said:


> Okay, well, you asked for insight from women, and I'm a man, so, sorry for that. I'd punch your husband in the face (verbally) if I could. That's ridiculous to me, though I know some sexually "liberated" people wouldn't care. I've been living in a sexless marriage for several years and I'd love it if my wife would have any sex with me at all. Sounds like you are more than willing, and he should be thankful for that. I imagine others have suggested he has issues he needs to work on. I'll second that. Good luck.


That's terrible. Nothing you can do to fix it? I'd leave my wife if sex dried up for more than a few weeks, let alone years!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

the solution would be for you and him to do kinky things within the marriage, really up the kinkiness factor. but he already HAS a mistress.  He already is perving out. it sounds like he is beyond being satisfied with that sort of within-the-marriage kinkiness.

about the only thing along his lines of thinking would be if you became a "hotwife" where you found other (probably better) men to have sex with, while he gives you permission. In your case, if that even remotely interests you, i would make it you and the other guy ONLY. let him get his jollies with his mistress as you stay home and have quality sex. 

but that would be a pretty long shot to hope to have work out to your liking. You would have to WANT to have sex with other men, and it sounds like you do not.

i guess i will jump on the "divorce this lout" bandwagon too.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

I'm usually pro-marriage, but you don't really have one. He doesn't consider you a partner and expects your life to revolve around his sexual diversions. I believe what he did to you (impersonating you in order to solicit men) is criminal. You should talk to a lawyer and see if there is any way to press charges on that. Gather evidence of his poor character to try to get full custody of your kids and only supervised visitation for him. I wouldn't trust his judgement if he had your kids by himself. I don't even mean some sort of sexual deviance...I just mean I wouldn't trust him to do right by them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

There is no way that I would want this man around my children. 
If you care about them then please leave this sham of a marriage. Tell your families and friends that he is a cheat. How can you even bear to be in the same house as him?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


He is dangerously unstable. Live up to your name and start running. Take your kids with you.

It won't be hard if you document his behavior and talk to a good lawyer without letting him know.

I hope you have friends and family that will help.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

IMO, He is clearly not invested in this marriage or the family. He's been acting single all along while enjoying the privileges of marriage, without responsibility. Now, he wants to shop for your replacement with your permission/participation. He wants you to swing so you look as dirty as he does when he leaves. Leave him first. You should have long ago.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Why in the hell are you married to this loathesome excuse for a man? You deserve better my dear.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


I couldn't read much of this one. He's very ffffed up. 
Leave Him. Now.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

He's a serial cheater, and now he basically wants to pimp you out for cheap sex and cheap thrills, leave him as of yesterday. You're only going to make it worse for your kids and yourself if you stay. Kids aren't stupid.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Man here just adding another voice to this chorus singing the same song as everyone else.

I can’t imagine trying to coerce/force my wife to do things outside her boundaries like you described RG. Only a real lowlife would disrespect and manipulate his wife that way, and add cheating for icing on that cake.

Husbands should be about protecting their family, not destroying it.

Run now.

Go find somebody who values and respects you.
Best of luck to you RunnerGirl.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Sorry sister- what a twisted douche-bag of a man. Seems like if there is any justice in the world you could get an annulment and divorce.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage??


There ain't nuth'n normal or even healthy about your marriage at all. 

The thing that is crazy here is that you are even still in contact with this person.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Runnergirl71 said:


> I just wanted some feedback from somebody objective that this isn't something I can fix and I'm not crazy.


What's crazy is that you are putting up with this or that you think he can be fixed.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


I suggest you do it, but with your next husband.

Maybe after about 20 years you can send you ex (this guy now) a letter about how much better it was.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i have an idea on how to spice up your husband's sex life.










Apply liberally to his johnson.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

@Runnergirl71 why are you here and not at your lawyers office?!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Runnergirl71 said:


> It's a possibility. He watches porn practically everyday. He has stopped because now he goes and has sex with his mistress. He also takes testosterone injections and I notice it just makes him even more sex crazy. I have no idea why he takes these injections.


I inject T because of age, can attest it greatly increases libido. To point if wife ever slows down I will lower my dosage to stay matched with her. Obviously your husband is an addict, he has no reason to pump himself full of T.
It is sad you’re are subjecting yourself to him “for the kids”. You would have a much more stable life without living with him.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

Cynthia said:


> What your husband is doing in calling you "frigid" is called blame shifting. He is trying to make his abhorrent behavior your fault. His behavior is deviant.
> 
> How do you think divorce would hurt your children any more than living in this situation?
> 
> ...


Enuff said - 

I think staying will be more damage to your children than will putting a few kilometers between you and him on a permanent basis.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Runnergirl71 said:


> It's a possibility. He watches porn practically everyday. He has stopped because now he goes and has sex with his mistress. He also takes testosterone injections and I notice it just makes him even more sex crazy. I have no idea why he takes these injections.


That "injection" craziness is usually short lived, maybe a couple months at most. If that "crazy" goes more than that, you may want to get involved and ask him whats going on if you plan to stay with him. As far as your husband, it's not so much what's wrong with his sexual liking, but he's wrong to push it on an unwilling party and the way he went about it signals zero respect for you. I always say when the respect is gone, so is the relationship. Good luck navigating this one. Perhaps just give him one harsh talk and if that doesn't settle it, move on


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> i have an idea on how to spice up your husband's sex life.
> 
> View attachment 82746
> 
> ...


Over a million Scoville units on his unit. My money is on the sauce.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You say you are staying because of the children. In your situation I would be leaving because of the children.


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## Angie?or… (Nov 15, 2021)

My mother stayed with my father - the most amoral man I’ve ever known - “for the sake of the children”. We would have been better off if she hadn’t.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


If he's looking for a novel thrill, can't he just stick his wanger in the tube attachment on the vacuum cleaner? Maybe make a paper-mache head for it?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Runnergirl71 said:


> 20 years is a long time. I'm tired now and I just can't go on with him. I just wanted some feedback from somebody objective that this isn't something I can fix and I'm not crazy. He manipulates and makes it seem like something is wrong with me. He even tells his few friends that it's all my fault, of course he never talks about the deviant things he does or asks me to do. I tell him that if he continues down this path, I can't go with him. He will end up alone.


Start on your exit plan. Go see a lawyer, get your ducks in a row.
im sure he’s not much of a father either. I’m sure the kids will be happy to have a normal household and a contented mother. Kids are not stupid.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Runnergirl71 said:


> *yes he is a sexual deviant.*


If you honestly feel that way and your husband's sexuality has become increasingly disruptive towards his ability to live a normal life... openly feeling he is a deviant while remaining married probably just makes it exponentially worse. 

His efforts to ask you to sleep with other men are likely his subconscious way to punish you for making him feel like a deviant. He probably wants to see what it is like to feel disgust towards you so that he can experience exactly how it is that you love him and stay married to him. That is his messed up way to try and understand you and try to make your marriage work.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

badsanta said:


> If you honestly feel that way and your husband's sexuality has become increasingly disruptive towards his ability to live a normal life... openly feeling he is a deviant while remaining married probably just makes it exponentially worse.
> 
> His efforts to ask you to sleep with other men are likely his subconscious way to punish you for making him feel like a deviant. He probably wants to see what it is like to feel disgust towards you so that he can experience exactly how it is that you love him and stay married to him. That is his messed up way to try and understand you and try to make your marriage work.


So it's her fault he is a deviant? It's her fault she wants to go by traditional marriage values and not sleep with other people? It in no way is him trying to make the marriage work. It is more likely a form of control he is trying to exert over her. And yes it is most like him trying to punish her. Most likely it is also the result of too much porn.

OP do your poor husband a favor and free him so he can be with someone who doesn't make him feel bad.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

badsanta said:


> If you honestly feel that way and your husband's sexuality has become increasingly disruptive towards his ability to live a normal life... openly feeling he is a deviant while remaining married probably just makes it exponentially worse.
> 
> His efforts to ask you to sleep with other men are likely his subconscious way to punish you for making him feel like a deviant. He probably wants to see what it is like to feel disgust towards you so that he can experience exactly how it is that you love him and stay married to him. That is his messed up way to try and understand you and try to make your marriage work.


Dude....

Her husband isn't even safe for her or her kids to be around.

Are you reading the right thread?

This guy is out of control.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Dude....
> 
> Her husband isn't even safe for her or her kids to be around.
> 
> ...


I 1000% agree with you. 

I am pointing out that her staying in that marriage while honestly feeling he is a deviant only makes things worse. She needs to leave that marriage yesterday. 

Why has she chosen to stay? Seriously why? That part is her fault.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Only do this if you want to.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

badsanta said:


> I 1000% agree with you.
> 
> I am pointing out that her staying in that marriage while honestly feeling he is a deviant only makes things worse. She needs to leave that marriage yesterday.
> 
> Why has she chosen to stay? Seriously why? That part is her fault.


Its really sad that some people are so afraid of being alone they would rather stay stressed out and complain than being single.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


I am into BDSM, poly and swinging, and so when I tell you to run from this guy, it is certainly not coming from a position of prudishness. Threesomes and hotwife and other similar things are not uncommon male fantasies, and yes that includes MMF threesome as male fantasies. And if he was asking from a position of never having cheated, there would be different advice from me. But this is not the healthy way to approach these kind of activities. This type of "spicing up a marriage" is not unusual, in and of itself. But he is trying to justify his self, not spice up or save the marriage.

And as far as you staying for the children. don't. They are going to pick up on these things and it's not good for them. Sometimes staying in a marriage is worse for the children than getting a divorce.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Runnergirl71 said:


> 20 years is a long time. I'm tired now and I just can't go on with him. I just wanted some feedback from somebody objective that this isn't something I can fix and I'm not crazy. He manipulates and makes it seem like something is wrong with me. He even tells his few friends that it's all my fault, of course he never talks about the deviant things he does or asks me to do. I tell him that if he continues down this path, I can't go with him. He will end up alone.


You have multiple people here who live the swinger and kink lifestyles regularly telling you to leave. It doesn't get much more objective than that. You are not going to fix him and you are not crazy. He is gaslighting you and trying to guilt you into what he wants.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> i have an idea on how to spice up your husband's sex life.
> 
> View attachment 82746
> 
> ...


Better yet, apply to a strapon, and start pegging. Don't forget the sandpaper condom.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


I have a girlfriend who told me a similar story to yours that happened to her back when she was very young in her first marriage. She refused and left him.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Runnergirl71 said:


> Married for 20 years. He has cheated on me numerous times during our marriage and is now doing it again. I stay for the children. He blames me for his cheating and calls me "frigid." He says he doesn't want vanilla sex anymore. I'm open to a lot of things (toys, watching porn, new positions, dressing up, etc.), but sleeping with other men to fulfill his fantasies?? He has asked for threesomes, for us to become swingers, and once he made up a fake profile on a website about me behind my back and I actually had random men responding in my email asking to meet me! I can't take it anymore. He's like a stranger to me. He wants me to be an adultress and that's just not me. Is this normal "spicing" up of a marriage?? I just want some insight from other married women.


Hell to the No! You should have already dumped his ass! Serial cheater...WTH! Makes me think about women in abusive relationships that refuse to leave. After a few times the LEOs are thinking you must like it if you keep staying, quit calling 911 when he is beating your ass if you are not going to do something to change it.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Better yet, apply to a strapon, and start pegging. Don't forget the sandpaper condom.


As the Joker said, "Ohh.... We're gonna have a hot time on the ol' town tonight"


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

AandM said:


> If he's looking for a novel thrill, can't he just stick his wanger in the tube attachment on the vacuum cleaner? Maybe make a paper-mache head for it?


More like shove a Ton Clancy novel up his ars and see if that gives him some excitement!


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

...but what about John le Carre?


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

happiness27 said:


> ...but what about John le Carre?


Stinker, Nail Her, Sold Her, Bye.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

If you do it, let them take you in multiples. DP, 3P..... Look over at your husband with a smile and tell him how much better they are than him. Tell him how weak and limp ****ed he is, and make sure he hears you moan clearly.


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