# Need another womans point of veiw



## tryingtocope24 (Sep 27, 2009)

Hello all
I am asking again for your point of veiw, The original post is ( need a womans point of veiw) 
My wife has been visiting family for almost two weeks now, no phone calls two e-mails all small talk nothing about our situation. I am in a better frame of mind now. But how do I act when I pick her up from the airport? I am tired of being desperate and I hear it is counter productive anyway. She does not want to talk about our situation till we go to councilling this week. So talking about us is out of the question, anything we might plan is out. She has kept in touch with the kids so not a lot there. I guess we can talk about the weather. What would you suggest my demeaner be. I almost have accepted that she may leave, I would hate to see that happen. Do i just give her a hug? a kiss? Or just let her make the move and see what happens. I know it is a lot of questions but I am conflicted inside and someone elses point of veiw would be nice. Last month I gave her flowers at the airport, I think it made her feel unconfortable. So I don't know what to do. Help Me


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Appear confident and happy. When you pick her up give her a warm hug and smile. Ask her about her trip. Ask about the details. Really listen. Small happy talk.

Don't talk tthe relationship. Find something newsworthy or talk about the neighbors or work or the dogs...you get the picture. 

Keep yourself busy when you are at home with interesting things to do. Work on yourself. You have better things to do than obsess over this relationship. You will work if she will work. 

I know many of the times you are doing these "positive" things you will NOT feel like it. You will not FEEL confident or happy, etc. FAKE IT! 

You will appear more attractive under these conditions.

Good luck at the airport.


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## tryingtocope24 (Sep 27, 2009)

Thanks Corpuswife
I was thinking that would be the best approach but I am afraid she will think that I am over her and she will move on. But i guess if thats all it takes for her to make up her mind then I am better off.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Whatever you have to do, try to appear upbeat and happy. Feeling like crap is normal, though it would be detrimental in your situation. I wish you the best!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Acting needy or desperate will make her want to move on. Seeing you as a happy, independent person MAY make her reconsider--no guarantee. But the alternative, as stated first, is definitely a no-win situation, so at least this way you have a chance. Besides, you will be happy and independent regardless of what she decides if you work on yourself, and that is definitely worth it. Good luck!


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## tryingtocope24 (Sep 27, 2009)

Thank you for all your post, I did exactly what you all said. All small talk about family nothing about us. Today she went to see the counsler. When she cam home she when right to the bedroom and shut the door. I was cooking dinner so I stopped and went to see if she was ok. She said the counsler said she had to come home and tell me something. She said it was the worse thing she could ever tell me. I said what ever it was we can work it out. She said it was really bad. I said if she had been with someone things happen and we can get thru it. She said it was worse. I said your pregnant? Not the best reply but I'm fixed so it could happen. No She said that our marriage is over. I have to say I was not surprised, she has said it lately thats why we were going to the counsler. I was calm an asked many question. She says no one else is in her life, it will be up to our son if he says here or moves north with her. We will go to a mediater and says she does not want to clean me out. I said I will support the kids 100% money wise. She says the problem is her not me. I guess I am just wore out because i am not freaking out i am just tired. She does want to live together till the school year ends which I don't know who thats going to work but I don't want to leave when my time with the kids may end soon. i don't know where life goes from here but it will someday be better for me that what the past six months have been. i still will most likely love my wife forever i am sad for her and the torment i see in her life. i wish we really could look in a crystal ball and know where we will end up. all i can add is who ever said don't sweet the small stuff in marriage was wrong. if something is bothering you say it because every little thing takes credit out of you love account and when it is empty its over. I think thats what happened to us it was just things that never got talked about. I will carry on day to day week to week and pray it does not affect the kids. Thanks for your posts I'll be in touch


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

So sorry about the news. It know it wasn't totally out of the blue but when you hear it...it's devastating. 

To have her live with you during her time of disconnection will be challenging. I lived under the same roof in similar circumstances. It was a relief for him to go. It's like having a black cloud around you. 

She sounds like she has "issues" from your statement and needs space. My H also has issues and no OW. He's still has issues now that he's moved out. He is discovering that it isn't me/marriage that needs work. He needs to dig deep but isn't at the moment. He takes alot of work.

Hopefully your W will continue counseling for herself.


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## tryingtocope24 (Sep 27, 2009)

Yes, I don,t know all the issues and most likley never will. She will not continue because people don,t want to admit they have a problem. It is really sad, I feel bad for her. Yes she did say its her not me. I just dread telling the kids.


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## tryingtocope24 (Sep 27, 2009)

Well it is clear that it is over. Just not clear on where to go from here


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## Brianl364 (Oct 13, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> Appear confident and happy. When you pick her up give her a warm hug and smile. Ask her about her trip. Ask about the details. Really listen. Small happy talk.
> 
> Don't talk tthe relationship. Find something newsworthy or talk about the neighbors or work or the dogs...you get the picture.
> 
> ...


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