# I need some advice..



## mommyofone (Dec 23, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and been together for 5. We have one child together that is almost 4. He was my first relationship and we have been for the most part happy. But things have come up and sometimes, I feel like I am stuck. I feel smothered and like I don't want to be with him anymore. 

Don't get me wrong. We still have our wonderful times together and he is for the most part a good husband. He works a full time job and takes care of me and our son. But he constantly gripes about everything, doesn't help around the house, tends to be selfish at times, and has a jealously problem (with me spending time with my sister and family). But I have been feeling trapped for the last 2 years. I feel like I am missing out on being a regular 24 year old. In a sense, I feel like I am 40 years old, that has to be at home all the time. But I recently met one of his coworkers and I felt myself being attracted to him. I get that giddy excited feeling when I hear him talk. I think about this guy all the time and he has even invaded my dreams. But this feeling has got me feeling horrible and confused. I know I love my husband, but I don't have those feelings that I use to have with him. And I know this guy would never go for me and I don't think I would go for him. But I'm just really confused, because I want to be in love with my husband, but I have all these feelings that are running through me and I don't know what to do or how to even sort through these feelings.

Anyone got any advice?


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I think you should share your feelings with your husband. Yes, it would be hard and maybe you could leave some of the fine details out to start, but he deserves to know. If he is being selfish and/or the other things you listed, he might appreciate the chance to grow and learn and change, especially if he knows he might lose you.

You may also discover he has some issues about you that need addressing as well. (Most problems in marriage are 50/50 fault.)

Grow together before these feelings take over too much!


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## akcroy (Dec 23, 2010)

Hi, I think you and your husband are having some emotional connection issues. You want him to be more attentive towards you and your lifestyle (e.g. spending time with your sister), and by displaying jealousy he's clearly craving the same. 

I think the two of you need to go on a vacation together, spend some good times, talk about the problems you're facing. As Acorn points out above, I'm sure your hubby will have some complaints about you as well. 

DON'T bring up the guy or the dreams. The attraction that you feel towards him was created in the first place because he's merely a manifestation of the attention that you don't get from your husband. Do remember that dreams are, after all, nature's mechanism of providing us with an escape from daily stress factors.. Get to the root of the problem - the things that your husband isn't doing for you, and vice versa.

After four years of marriage, if I've learnt anything it's that love doesn't ensure compatibility. It needs to be engineered, and that's only possible if there's enough love in the first place.

And finally, breathe! Take it easy!


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