# Wife loves me but isn't hot for me



## Advocate (Sep 14, 2012)

Wife seems very concerned for my well-being: wants me home for dinner every night, shares about her day, we share raising our children. For our anniversary she got me a cute card and wrote "I hope this brings you happiness." For my birthday she got me appointment with a physical therapist.

All very thoughtful, but it sends the message she is not that impressed with my manly confidence. How to impress her I am still the man who swept her off her feet (and into the bedroom)?

Background: we have recently had some serious issues over the last year and in particular over the last few months. She had built up resentment for a host of things (me paying more attention to work, her feeling stressed, me not responding to nagging, her not expressing her concerns). We had a fairly big fight and I was sad, panicked and depressed - meanwhile she was angry and hyperactive. We're both calming down and I am feeling more confident - hoping to reignite the passion. Thanks for suggestions.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

SOunds like she wants the same as you do. You guys are good at talking, sooo, talk to her.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

TELL her you want things to be better between you two and that you're willing to go to counseling with her to make your communications and marriage better


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## glen55 (Sep 13, 2012)

Advocate said:


> Wife seems very concerned for my well-being: wants me home for dinner every night, shares about her day, we share raising our children. For our anniversary she got me a cute card and wrote "I hope this brings you happiness." For my birthday she got me appointment with a physical therapist.
> 
> All very thoughtful, but it sends the message she is not that impressed with my manly confidence. How to impress her I am still the man who swept her off her feet (and into the bedroom)?
> 
> Background: we have recently had some serious issues over the last year and in particular over the last few months. She had built up resentment for a host of things (me paying more attention to work, her feeling stressed, me not responding to nagging, her not expressing her concerns). We had a fairly big fight and I was sad, panicked and depressed - meanwhile she was angry and hyperactive. We're both calming down and I am feeling more confident - hoping to reignite the passion. Thanks for suggestions.


Maybe she wants to reconnect with you but you don't know how. I would like to ask some simple questions. Can you list the ten most important things your wife needs from your marriage? Could you list twenty things you know she likes?
Could you list fifty things you do just for her and no expectations of anything back?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

1) Start taking care of the things she needs taken care of.

2) Stop being needy, resentful, passive aggressive, sullen, etc.

3) Tell her what your needs and expectations are, and that it is necessary for these to be fulfilled if you want a happy marriage.

4) Give affection to show your love, not to beg her to give affection back.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

(me paying more attention to work, her feeling stressed, me not responding to nagging, her not expressing her concerns). If she's nagging, she's expressing her concerns. She's upset that nagging is not producing the kind of control you believes it should over you. Here's a thought. Maybe if she quit nagging so much, you might find fewer reasons to stay at work and more reasons to come home! No woman on earth gets hot over a man she can easily control or browbeat. Want to guarantee a diminished spot on her totem pole? Constantly give in to her demands. I'm going to catch flak for this, but we are only slightly evolved cave dwellers. Men primarily crave sex and nurturing. Women primarily crave security. Been that way for thousands of years and it's in our DNA. There's no security in a weak man. Overlycompliant translates to "weak", even when one is compliant for the very best of reasons. Don't look or act depressed or fearful and certainly never panicked. Women can be slaves to their emotions. They can be indecisive. They can be fearful. You need to be the rock or at least convincingly appear rock-like.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Drover said:


> 1) Start taking care of the things she needs taken care of.
> 
> 2) Stop being needy, resentful, passive aggressive, sullen, etc.
> 
> ...


Seems like the correct thing to do.


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## DH1971 (Sep 15, 2012)

that's kind of weird. I don't know what to make of it. sorry i cant be any help.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Married man sex life works for a lot of guys. Seems like some kind of magic on most women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Drover said:


> 1) Start taking care of the things she needs taken care of.
> 
> 2) Stop being needy, resentful, passive aggressive, sullen, etc.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## glen55 (Sep 13, 2012)

This appears to be a PA woman. She does not handle competing interest of husband's work against her own interests; complains of stress or pressure, nagging is anger based (aggressive), PA women block their feelings, can talk about logistics, but not how they feel. PA women harbor resentment. PA women will initially enable to make sure he is up to the task of meeting her special interest because she can't do it herself. This though is also control as PA women have to be in control of their relationship. PA women often see gloom in their partners but never recognise they have contributed to it. PA women are always victims of their partners. PA women use anger to control or maniplate others. PA women are witholders both emotionally and sexually.


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