# She cheated on me and wants me to leave the house and she wants the kids.



## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

I've been married for 9 years and have been together 12 years. My wife came back from deployment last year a week before x-mas and the day she got back told me she was leaving me for another woman. She also told me she wanted me to leave the house and she wants to keep the kids. It hurt like hell and still does because I was recently discharge honorably from the military after 14 years of service and I recieved a severance pay that i practically gave to her to cover our financial sistuation. She has told me that she settled for me when she married me and that I haven't been able to satisfy her sexually in bed and that she also felt she didn't have a "real"man in the house. On top of that I begged her and cried for her to stop this nonsense and seek counseling so we can get back on track not just for the kids but for our marriage because I believe in growing old together. She went to 2 sessions and said that she didn't want to continue because she didn't want to tell the counselor about her affair with the other woman. She's done and said all kind of hurtful things like leaving me and the kids on X-mas eve to be with this woman and even went as far as to take a weekend get away to New York after she'd been gone for 6 months from me and the kids just to be with this woman. She also brought this womnan to our house when she got back from deployment and I met her thinking that she was going to be a friend of the family until my wife told me the truth about her. I've finally got the courage to start my divorce process and I know I'm doing the right thing but i feel like I didn't do enough. Is this normal? All I ever wanted was for my kids to have what me and her didn't have and that's for them (kids) to not be raised in a broken home.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I'm so sorry this is happening. 

You should tell her that if she wants out of the marriage, she's going to have to leave the home. Stand your ground. I don't know what you can do if she tries to physically take the kids with her. How old are they? If I were you, I'd talk to a lawyer right away. 

You said you feel like you didn't do enough to save the marriage, but when someone walks out like and and refuses to try, there's really not much else you can do. Have you heard about the 180? It's detailed in Michelle Wiener's Divorce Busters and you can read about it here: The Healing Heart: The 180

basically, it's a way to prepare yourself for the divorce, but it also sometimes shocks your spouse into rethinking the marriage.

Other books I see suggested for men often, but haven't read myself, are The Married Man's Sex Life Primer and No More Mr. Nice Guy.


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

I agree, you need to stand your ground. If she wants to leave then she needs to be the one to leave the house. Get a lawyer ASAP and get some kind of custody agreement. I don't think anyone should just be able to take the kids like that. I'm so sorry. It must be devastating for you and your family.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Suchacliche said:


> I agree, you need to stand your ground. If she wants to leave then she needs to be the one to leave the house. Get a lawyer ASAP and get some kind of custody agreement. I don't think anyone should just be able to take the kids like that. I'm so sorry. It must be devastating for you and your family.


First off I'm sorry that your going through this and I know it hurts but right now your focus has to be the kids. You do not want them to be in a dysfunctional home. So that being said consult with a lawyer ASAP and know your rights and as far as leaving, do not go anywhere. You do not let an outsider come into your home and be around your children especially after having an affair with your w. you do not know this other person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you all for the support. I have started the divorce and sing the papers to finalize it. She gets back from her second deployment in July and when she gets home, she will be pretty ticked off at what I'm asking for as far as the divorce goes but I don't feel bad because she doesn't care about me. She claims she wants to remain friends and have a friendly divorce but how can you be friends with someone who hurts you like this. I could understand out she would've told me that she wasn't feeling the marriage and then started dating after we divorce but to bring this woman to my house and then threaten to take the kids with her and kick me out the house when she's the one that cheated doesn't constitute as someone I want to be friends with. I know she will regret this one day. The sad part is that she told me herself that she knows she's making a mistake and how bad she will suffer when she loses me but she said she can't help how she feels for this woman and she's acting on how she feels. I'm sorry but 6 months doesn't beat 12 years of being together. She said she hasn't been happy with me for a long time but if that was the case, why didn't she speak up and asked me to go to marriage counseling instead of cheating and leaving her family. She's selfish and to choose someone of 6 months over her family is just crazy. She will reap what she sowes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

midcity50470119 said:


> Thank you all for the support. I have started the divorce and sing the papers to finalize it. She gets back from her second deployment in July and when she gets home, she will be pretty ticked off at what I'm asking for as far as the divorce goes but I don't feel bad because she doesn't care about me. She claims she wants to remain friends and have a friendly divorce but how can you be friends with someone who hurts you like this. I could understand out she would've told me that she wasn't feeling the marriage and then started dating after we divorce but to bring this woman to my house and then threaten to take the kids with her and kick me out the house when she's the one that cheated doesn't constitute as someone I want to be friends with. I know she will regret this one day. The sad part is that she told me herself that she knows she's making a mistake and how bad she will suffer when she loses me but she said she can't help how she feels for this woman and she's acting on how she feels. I'm sorry but 6 months doesn't beat 12 years of being together. She said she hasn't been happy with me for a long time but if that was the case, why didn't she speak up and asked me to go to marriage counseling instead of cheating and leaving her family. She's selfish and to choose someone of 6 months over her family is just crazy. She will reap what she sowes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would like to suggest you start going to IC for your own peace of mind, It will help you deal with the pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

I don't know what IC stands for but if its counseling then yes, I am going. I've been going to counseling for 8 months now. I tried to get her to go with me before she re-deployed but she only went to two sessions because she was embarrassed to tell the counselor that she was cheating on me with another woman. I'm sill in shock after all this time that she could let this person jeopardize our marriage. What kills me more is how my kids will react to this when they finally see the truth when they get older. I can't bare to tell them now. They're only 9 & 7. This is so hard for me and them and its unfair that she's choosing this woman before them. But I know I have to be strong for both of them now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

midcity50470119 said:


> I don't know what IC stands for but if its counseling then yes, I am going. I've been going to counseling for 8 months now. I tried to get her to go with me before she re-deployed but she only went to two sessions because she was embarrassed to tell the counselor that she was cheating on me with another woman. I'm sill in shock after all this time that she could let this person jeopardize our marriage. What kills me more is how my kids will react to this when they finally see the truth when they get older. I can't bare to tell them now. They're only 9 & 7. This is so hard for me and them and its unfair that she's choosing this woman before them. But I know I have to be strong for both of them now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm glad you're going. Let me say this, it's not the other person; it's your W that chose to let this happen. She should be held responsible. I'm not saying the other person is not at fault because she is. But in life we have free will and the ability to choose what we want and that's the truth. Continue to stay strong and let go and let god point you in right direction. My friend everything happens for a reason, and time will tell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Midcity, are you still in the house?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Stay in the house.

Get busy exposing the fact that your wife is having an affair and cheating. 

Is the OW military? Exposé the affair there.

Post the OW up on cheaterville.com as a home wrecking skank,


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

9 and 7, so young! Do they know you guys are getting divorced yet, or are you waiting until your wife is back from deployment? Do they have a counselor they can talk to too?


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

@ Old Timer: Yes I'm still in the house but I don't know for how long being that she's the bread winner and taking care of the mortgage and utilities. My only source of income is the GI Bill and my work study program part time job I have and it still isn't enough to cover my bills. She has practially cut me off. All I'm getting from her is Health and Dental Benefits. Meanwhile I have to figure out how to pay all my bills that we accumulated while we were married.

@ Northern Lights: I haven't told them yet but my 9 yr old knows something is wrong. I'm going to make her tell them. I've suffered enough and seen my kids cry enough. I won't obligate her to tell them the whole truth because I know they will see it eventually and that's something else she will have to explain. This hurts me just typing it. I can't believe this is really going down like this. She was my first and I was hers. For her to turn her back on me like this because we're going through a struggle and let another woman ruin what we built just baffles me.

I'm scared of what's to come when we go to court because I don't have any proff of her cheating except for her telling me herself but in VA you need proof. I don't know if I will get anything out of this divorce but I know all I care about now is the well being of my kids. I have nothing against homosexuality but when it affects my family, I draw the line. She thinks it's ok to raise our kids in that environment because the woman who she's leaving me for has a girlfriend also who raised her daughter in a lesbian environment and she turned out ok. I was like " Ok, that's all fine and dandy but these are my kids and if I don't want them exposed to that lifestyle then it's my right as a father to object to it". 

She just don't know how much this has hurt me and our family. All I can say is that my storm is almost over but hers is about to begin. It just hasn't reached her yet.


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

A couple things, I believe Virginia is a single consent state. That is very good news for you. Since your wife seems to talk very freely about her affair, you can get her to admit it over the phone or in person and record it. Second, she can't just cut off you and the kids. Talk to her commanding officer.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

If she's going to be deployed in the future, I'd think you have a good shot at full custody and child support from her. 

I mean, how's she going to take care of the kids when she's gone?
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

My wife found out about the divorce now because my nosey mother in law saw the enevelope that the summon was in and opened it, scanned it and sent it to her. I'm pretty sure that is a federal offense. So she (my wife) called all angry because she said that the way I'm coming at her in the divorce is like I'm angry because she won't take me back. I told her that I could care less if she doesn't want me back. I'm asking for Alimony and Child support because I'm thinking of my kids. As for the mother in law, I went and got a letter of eviction made and notarized and served it to her. She will be out of my house this coming Sunday. I'm tired of being pushed around by both of them. They took all the love I felt for my wife and used it against me to get what they want and to screw me over mentally and emotionally. I'm proud of myself for standing my ground. What was funny to me is that my wife started saying that I don't care about the kids because of what I'm doing as far as the divorce goes. So I said "Did you care about themn when you started this affair? Did you care about them when you spent X-mas eve with this woman instead of them?"


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Good job! Take control of your life. 

B!tch it's called consequences.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to use exposure of the OW as a tool here to disrupt the support system your wife is using to enable her choices.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

midcity50470119 said:


> My wife found out about the divorce now because my nosey mother in law saw the enevelope that the summon was in and opened it, scanned it and sent it to her. I'm pretty sure that is a federal offense. So she (my wife) called all angry because she said that the way I'm coming at her in the divorce is like I'm angry because she won't take me back. I told her that I could care less if she doesn't want me back. I'm asking for Alimony and Child support because I'm thinking of my kids. As for the mother in law, I went and got a letter of eviction made and notarized and served it to her. She will be out of my house this coming Sunday. I'm tired of being pushed around by both of them. They took all the love I felt for my wife and used it against me to get what they want and to screw me over mentally and emotionally. I'm proud of myself for standing my ground. What was funny to me is that my wife started saying that I don't care about the kids because of what I'm doing as far as the divorce goes. So I said "Did you care about themn when you started this affair? Did you care about them when you spent X-mas eve with this woman instead of them?"


Now we're DOING.

Excellent work.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Am I the only one that thinks its weird that she complained about not having a real man in the house and then cheats with a woman? Whatever, well done OP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

Lifeistooshort:Thank you! That's what I said.

I know what I'm doing is the right thing to do. I'm still somewhat scared and nervous but I know it's normal. All I care about now is my kids and to make sure I be the best father I can be for both of them. Some one has to think about them, even when their mother is making rash decisions. 

I don't feel the least bit sad of what happens to her because she didn't care when she turned her back on me and she sure didn't care about my lil dudes when she left us hanging on x-mas eve. I know this may sound like I'm out to get revenge, but honeslty I'm not. I'm only asking for what I need to survive and give my two boys a better life. 

I appreciate all the support and feedback I've recieve since joining this forum. Thank you to all!


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

I am sure that you know that she is exempt from court proceedings until she returns from deployment. The cat is out of the bag, so use remaining the time wisely to prepare. Personally, I would not waste time trying to prove an affair. Most states are no-fault and the amount of evidence required to prove an affair can be daunting (and expensive). Put your energy to better use.

- Do not talk to your stbx or stbx-MIL unless about the children. Do not reveal any more of your plans than has already been disclosed. Keep everything professional and business like.

- Open you own separate bank account to store your funds.

- Document your time with the kiddos. What you do, who you interact with (doctors, teachers, ect), and how well the kids are doing. You want to show a pattern that you are a Super Dad and more than capable of taking care of your children. Keep your journal neat and easy to read. Make sure to hide it from the MIL.

- Store any personal or family heirlooms in a safe location that only you have access to. Copy and store important documents as well.

- Study your state statutes on divorce and custody. Make yourself smarter on family court and what is required for success. Find a couple of Dad friendly divorce forums on the internet and ask questions. There are some smart guys out there.

- Take time for you: Eat, sleep, and workout. Get out of the house and interact with your friends. Find a new social circle of people you can count on when you need help.

You have made a good start, keep up the good work!


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

midcity50470119 said:


> Lifeistooshort:Thank you! That's what I said.
> 
> I know what I'm doing is the right thing to do. I'm still somewhat scared and nervous but I know it's normal. All I care about now is my kids and to make sure I be the best father I can be for both of them. Some one has to think about them, even when their mother is making rash decisions.
> 
> ...



Yeah, it's great when they don't give a sheet about the kids when they're making decisions for their life but all of a sudden when it means inconvenience for them the kids matter. My ex was like that. You shouldn't feel bad, you're doing what you have to do. Your MIL was in a difficult position as this is her daughter but you still have to protect yourself. Just remember that no good decision is ever made in anger so take deep breaths when necessary. Stay strong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Midcity

Stay tough and firm.

And if infidelity can help you with the D and future support you should consult an attorney to see if it helps you.

I would also go to your wifes command so it is on record.

Especially if her GF is another soldier in her command.

Stop taking crap from her, your MIL and fight for your kids.

Good job so far.

HM64


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

> I would also go to your wifes command so it is on record.
> 
> Especially if her GF is another soldier in her command.
> 
> HM64


Adultery is a UCMJ punishable offense....


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

That is right.

You might not ever get your wife back.

You might not ever want her back after the.

But you can teach her to respect you by taking these actions.

It also might get her to stop for a moment think about these horrible decisions she is making.


Right now you need to document and record.

Protect you and your children.

HM64


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

Now she wants to talk to me. Before I filed for divorce and exposed her ad her new girlfriend, all she kept saying was she didn't have time for me. All of a sudden she saying that I'm not thinking rational and that I'm just trying to burn her. She's also trying to provoke a fight with me via text so she can show the courts if we even get that far. I told her I have nothing to talk to her about. If she needs to talk to me, talk to my lawyer. Her mother is out o my house tomorrow. Thank you Jesus!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Man...you are all over this. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

midcity50470119 said:


> Now she wants to talk to me. Before I filed for divorce and exposed her ad her new girlfriend, all she kept saying was she didn't have time for me. All of a sudden she saying that I'm not thinking rational and that I'm just trying to burn her. She's also trying to provoke a fight with me via text so she can show the courts if we even get that far. I told her I have nothing to talk to her about. If she needs to talk to me, talk to my lawyer. Her mother is out o my house tomorrow. Thank you Jesus!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah that is the way to put the balls on the table! You keep going this way she is no longer your wife or friend she is the an enemy you don't trust enemies also read the 180 it will help you detach even further. You are doing great keep it up


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well done midcity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you all. I never thought I can be this strong. With counseling and support from my family and friends, I wa able to build my self esteem up and know my worth. I felt lost an alone but now my motivation for living an succeeding is my kids. Thank you all for the support. She pulls back in on Wednseday and I'll let y'all know what happens that day. The only thing that scares me now is how my kid will take the news about me and their mother not being together anymore. Other than that, I'm happier then a pig in crap. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

We talked last night since she returned home from deployment and it didn't go well. It all went bad when I wouldn't forgive her because she is still actively involved with this woman and will not let the relationship end. So she said that she is not committing adultery because there was no penetration involved. I had to laugh at that but anyways, she also said that she isn't cheating because she was upfront about it and that it would be considered cheating only if she tried to hide it behind my back. She told me that I'm a great father and friend if I would have her as such but I wasn't a good husband. Then she said that she paid 10k for her lawyer and that I won't get anything from her because she read up on my lawyer and her lawyer has more experience then mine. So I said I hope this was all worth it and she said it was worth it. She claims she is thinking about the kids and that's why she doesn't want to go to court because the moeny we will spend going to court would have gone to them. I told her that if you did care about the kids, you should've never been involved with this woman. She's selfish, cold, and heartless. She said she's at peace with herself because she asked god to forgive her for what she's doing to the family and have done to me. I may not be the most religious person in the world but if you are stil actively involved in another relationship while you are still married, how can you possibly ask for forgiveness or even be at peace with yourself. She said that she has to be this cold because she wants me to get what little hope I ever had of us getting back together out of my head. I honestly believe she's mad at herlself and she's taking it out on me. Either way, she will get what's coming to her one way or another. It's a shame it has to go down this way because of the kids but it is what it is.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Have you exposed to her CO yet? I would suggest you keep a VAR with you during talks with your wife. What you don't need is "false accusation" at this point. Keep your guard up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

midcity50470119 said:


> she also said that she isn't cheating because she was upfront about it and that it would be considered cheating only if she tried to hide it behind my back.


Yeah,I'm sure that's a stipulation somewhere in the marriage vows.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

TBT said:


> Yeah,I'm sure that's a stipulation somewhere in the marriage vows.


If you cross your fingers during the marriage ceremony, this is an option for you.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Modify

You know where you stand.

Now protect yourself and your kids.

Because your wife has her head up her butt.

Her spending $10k on her attorney shows who she really is now.

Now show her who you really are.

HM64


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

Things have gotten rough for me. Until we go to court, we are still living in the same house together. It's pretty rough to see her and not being able to show any affection, say that I still love her. I feel so weak. I know I'm doing right by filing for divorce but I still can't shake the feeling that I didn't try hard enough. I don't know if I'm crazy or if it's the feeling of rejection that has me feeling like this but even after everything she's done to me, I would take her back in a heartbeat, regardless of what anyone will think. I hate this feeling. I wish i could just get her out of my head. The thought of me seeing her with another person, regardless of the sexual orientation just kills me. I feel like I'm dying inside and I just want this pain to stop. I've always thought I was doing the best for me and her and my kids but I guess it wasn't good enough. Why can't she see that she's making the biggest mistake of her life. Yes we may be struggling financially right now but it won't be forever. Whatever problems she had with me can be changed. I always thought marriage was forever. I never believed in divorce but she has pushed me to a wall and this was the only way I can make sure me and my kids are going to be ok. Help me GOD!!!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé the affair to her CO and to friends and family,

Post the OW on cheaterville

You do have options other than feeling horrible and just taking her abuse.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Midcity

God can't help you. Only you can help yourself.

Your wife's sexual orientation is secondary to her deceit & lies.

Your financial and marital issues are not why she is not why she is behaving so selfishly.

You now see who your wife really is.

Protect yourself. Protect your kids.

Your wife is a selfish fool only thinking of herself.

HM64


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

I'm feeling much better today. Counseling has helped me out a lot. I've accepted that no matter how much I try to blame myself with what's happened between us, it's not my fault. I might've not been perfect but I know deep down, I was perfect for her. I told her yesterday that if we're going to continue to live together until the court date, we can't have any communications unless it has to do with the kids. I told her that eventually I will heal with time and I pray and hope she never has to go through what I'm going through. She then tried to reverse it on me by saying that the more I say that I hope it never happens to her, I really want it to happen to her. I'm trying to be a bigger person by humbling myself to her and she still tries to put me down. It's ok though. I hope one day I can truly forgive her and have a relationship as friends for my kids sake but right now, I'm still recovering and I really can't see myself forgiving her. In other news, I got a job offer with a company here in Norfolk and if the contracts go through, I should be working as early as September or late October. I hope this helps me out whern we go to court as far as getting custody of the kids. Thank you LORD and than you all for the support and feedback.:smthumbup:


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

*Shaggy*: 

I could expose her to her Commanding Officer but then I would be hurting my kids as far as benefits goes. Trust me, I've thought about burning her so bad but in the end, as much as I'm hurting, I don't want to ruin her career or take money away from my kids. She's up for promotion now and if she does get promoted to E-7 and I get custody of the kids, that's money my kids will need for child support.


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

midcity50470119 said:


> *Shaggy*:
> 
> I could expose her to her Commanding Officer but then I would be hurting my kids as far as benefits goes. Trust me, I've thought about burning her so bad but in the end, as much as I'm hurting, I don't want to ruin her career or take money away from my kids. She's up for promotion now and if she does get promoted to E-7 and I get custody of the kids, that's money my kids will need for child support.


You wishing and speculating to much for things to fall into place and they usually don't. You are not in control of anything. Expose like Shaggy said and stop the affair. How is it good for the kids to let her provide an example that she is.


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

Things have gotten much better for me. Through counseling, I was finally able to get my closure and to start moving on with my life and start the healing process. I'm still waiting on my court date from my lawyer. I can finally get some rest and stop being stressed out like I used to. When all this is over, nobody really wins because the people that's losing is the kids. But I will be strong for them and try to be the best father I can be. I'll keep ya'll posted on anything new that comes up.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Any update Midcity?


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

went to court on the 13 of Janaury and I pretty much got the shaft. Because I'm unemployed and I'm staying with my mother now, She got temporary custody of the kids. I don't have to pay for chold support and she doesn't have to pay me alimony at the present time.I just think it's ****ed up becauise if had been me (the man) who cheated, I wouldve been asked to leave the house still, and they would've garnished my check to give to her regardless if she was employed or not. I feel since I'm in Virginina and it caters to the women here, I got screwed over. I honestly lost the will to keep fighting and I feel she will get away with it all. I'm really feeling low and worthless. I hope she gets what's coming to her in the fututre.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

She will get what is coming to her.

So what about you?

What are you doing to better your situation?

Lick your wounds. Find a job.

And live to fight another day.

You and especially your kids deserve a chance.

And remember Midcity. In my mind the best revenge is to live well.

Go find a real woman who loves you. Not that sexually confused bisexual woman you thought was your wife.

HM


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

I'm in negotiations to get a job back home in New Orleans. I really don't want to leave my kids in VA with her and her mother but I have to make a sacrifice and better myself so I can support my kids. I've tried to look for jobs in Virginia but it seems you have to know someone instead of being qualified for the job to get the job. I'm getting to the point where I'm tired of all this. All I want is peace and stability. Like you said happyman 64, she will get what's coming to her. I just can't believe after all she's done, she continues to be spiteful and bitter. She's mad at me for asking for half of her pension but I didn't complain when I gave her damn near my whole severance pay. I can't believe I was married to her for so long. She's worse than her mother. When my kids get older and they find out the truth about how she did me, we'll see who comes out on top then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Man, this really sucks to hear.



midcity50470119 said:


> went to court on the 13 of Janaury and I pretty much got the shaft. Because I'm unemployed and I'm staying with my mother now, She got temporary custody of the kids. I don't have to pay for chold support and she doesn't have to pay me alimony at the present time.


You should have gotten at least 50/50 time with the children with some child support. No temporary alimony for you and she has a job? No offense, but *your lawyer sucked*. They obviously did not fight for you at all.




midcity50470119 said:


> I just think it's ****ed up because if had been me (the man) who cheated, I wouldve been asked to leave the house still, and they would've garnished my check to give to her regardless if she was employed or not.


In a no-fault state, it doesn't matter if she screwed half the local football team.



midcity50470119 said:


> She's mad at me for asking for half of her pension


Don't cave on this, it is your right after supporting her in the military. Especially since you were so gracious as not to expose her affair to her CO and the local JAG.

All I can say is that you need a better stategy going forward. Look at this website for some nuggets of knowledge, they are a pretty smart group of guys. And do it sooner than later, time is of the essense right now. Read The List and start to work on your defense before things become permanent. THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum

Before you take that job in New Orlean's, take some time to think about how it will affect your children not having a Dad in their lives. From the sounds of it, your stbx and xMIL are more than likely starting with the alienation against you. Don't expect your kids to "see the light" of who there mother really is if no one is there to show them different.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

What visitations were you granted?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Is she still with the OW?


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

I haven't been on here in a long time but I feel it's only fair to give everyone an update. I'm officially divorced as of February. Me and my ex have 50/50 custody but she has physical custody of the boys. I get them every summer and every other major holiday. I'mn currently living back home in New Orleans and found a great job with the Army Corps of Engineers. I'm happy that I left Virginia to be away from my ex wife's new life, but it sucks because I can't see my kids as often as I want due to the distance. I'm moving forward with my life but it seems that my ex wife isn't making it any easier. She won't let my mother ( who stays in Virginia ) see the boys and when I talked to my lawyer, she said that there's no law that can stop her from not letting my mother see the kids. Also, between her, her mother, and her girlfriend, they are all bad mouthing me and my family to my kids. I have yet and will never bad mouth her to my boys because I refuse to stopp to her level. All I want is to be left alone and to be with my kids but again, she's so petty and bitter that she's trying any means to make sure I hurt. Either way, she will get hers in the future. Thanks to all who gave me great advice and I appreciate ya'll being there for me in my dark time.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Doesnt sound like shes all that happy!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, grand parents have sued to get visitation.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

midcity50470119 said:


> Also, between her, her mother, and her girlfriend, they are all bad mouthing me and my family to my kids. I have yet and will never bad mouth her to my boys because I refuse to stopp to her level. All I want is to be left alone and to be with my kids but again, she's so petty and bitter that she's trying any means to make sure I hurt. Either way, she will get hers in the future. Thanks to all who gave me great advice and I appreciate ya'll being there for me in my dark time.


It seems that your X is engaging in a form of abuse called parental alienation. You'd be best serve if you hire an attorney who specializes in these types of cases successfully. Your children's future and well being is at risk.

You fought for your country, now fight for your children.


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## midcity50470119 (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you all for your encouraging words. I'm excited because next week, I'm driving up to Virginia to get my boys to spend the summer with me in New Orleans. As for my ex, I'm cordial with her on the strength of my kids. I haven't had much attitude from her and I like to keep it that way. But I will admit, it does still hurts to see her with this woman. Doesn't hurt as much like it used to but still. I guess with time, that will eventually go away and I'll be able to move on and find new love. Until then, my main focus is my boys and trying to be the best father I can be. Even if it's from long distance. Again, thanks again for the support. It has helped.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* So what makes you feel that your kids would be better off being raised within the bounds of a lesbian relationship? A good many family court judges would severely beg to differ!

Get your butt post haste to a good family lawyer, file for D, retention of your home, and also for primary custody of the kids. That way, if she fails to negotiate with you with the hand of cards she's attempting to play, then your attorney will virtually have  carte blanche to bring out her whole sordid lesbian relationship within a formal hearing ~ with some gut-wrenching cross-examination by your attorney that will not play out so well for her before the court!

"180 her" and get her cheating conniving a$$ out of your life now. And give yourself the horizon of finding someone who will truly love you for the man who you are!*


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