# Feel like I'm going to break



## myNW (Mar 15, 2014)

I have posted on here before about my situation so I don't want to re hash everything that has got me to this point. Basically the long and short of it is that my wife decided about a year ago that she had no interest in trying to make a marriage work with me. I bent over backwards to try and make things work but she had just decided that she was going to make life miserable for me. About a month and a half ago she asked me to move out and I did so because she was making my life a living hell . 

While I am feeling better in the sense that I don't have to deal with her selfishness, immaturity and negativity on a daily basis I sort of feel like the entire weight of the world is on my shoulders. 

We have 3 year old twin girls and I am trying to make things as normal as possible for them. I have them for a week at a time and then they go with her for a week. This whole thing went down right during my busiest time at work. On the weeks I don't have the kids I am working almost 70 hour weeks, when I do have them it is more like 50. I drop them off at daycare at 7:00, pick them up at 5:30, get them dinner, a bath, into bed and then start the entire thing over the next morning. I have a pretty stressful and demanding job which makes it even harder.

The whole situation is effecting the girls. They have become very needy, basically for the entire week they are with me they cling to me non stop to the point that I can't ever really catch a breath. I am a loving and involved dad and I try my best to realize what they are going through but it is hard sometimes. 

There are financial stresses as well, I'm trying to support myself and the girls and now my wife is trying to get me to give her money each month even though she works, the girls are with me half the time and I am already paying for all of their daycare (not to mention the fact that she is living rent free in her parents house).

I just don't feel that there is ever a moment to breath, I am constantly being pulled at from 100 different directions. I guess it's good that I am busy to keep me from getting depressed or something but there are times where it is just too much to bare. 

I will take advice, support, anything you all can give me because right now I feel like I'm going to crack .


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Your wife is probably entitled to child and maybe even spousal support since you're not living together. If I had seen your earlier posts I would have advised you do not move out without a legal separation agreement in place. She'd probably have been willing to negotiate to terms that were in your favor just to get you out of there. Anyway the fact that she doesn't want to be together and you do may still work in your favor going forward despite the fact that you have conveniently gotten out of her way. 

As far as your monthly payments to her go..she could easily petition the courts and get an order forcing you to give her money. 

You might want to consider reading up on case law in your state, and/or seeking a few consultations with attorneys - hopefully at no charge- that seems to vary.

Get an idea of what you'd have to pay if you were court ordered to do so, versus what she's requesting of you. Oftentimes the courts keep the status quo, so if and when you divorce, whatever you're giving her might set a precedent and work in your favor.

I know you're probably not looking for legal advice as much as support but sometimes it helps to have a plan. 

It gets better.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Think about looking into a time management plan.

Make the plan and work the plan. You may find that re addressing how much time you spend on a certian task and the tasks you have to tackle each day you might be able to get more crap done in a day ....leaving you more time to breath.

So when you do have the kids getting pulled in different directions will only be for a week and when you get back to work you have a time management plan that involves decompress time.

So its time to schedule some breathing time and keep that schedule. Think of it as an appointment that you have to make .... cuz your life depends on it.


----------



## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Whatever you do, DO NOT give her a dime of cash. If you give her money, you give her a check and use the memo field. It's not the best but it will help later.

With 50/50 you may be best to go silent and let it go to court for an order. If you do differently, look up your state's calculator online and use it. Try to pay based on a income ratio since you have 50/50 time. Some states allow the deviation. I'm in NY. We input the combined income into the calculator. Then figured out we had a 60/40 income ratio. So we agreed I was only responsible for 20% of the amount the calculator figured. 

You aren't liable for spousal until a judge says so. 

If you do go to court for CS then you want it paid through the state agency for record keeping. You pay them, they pay her, she can't say she didn't get it.


----------



## Faithful123 (Oct 29, 2014)

Is it possible to give yourself a little breathing space with work on the week you have the girls? Perhaps finish earlier a couple of days, take them to a park, interact with them for a couple of hours. Turn the phone off etc and try and at least get some value out of your time. 

You sound like a good man, good father and all round good guy. Try and just do some little things that make your circumstances easier. Not sure what they would be but you clearly are time poor. 

You can't keep going like this or you will break. Only you know where there might be some opportunity with extra time. Any family, friends etc that can help with kids in short term? Stay strong and focus on you and your kids as much as you can.


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

You need to go speak with a lawyer ASAP.
From her situation it sounds like it would be more appropriate for you to be getting money from HER.

She is taking advantage of you. 
Dont let her.


----------



## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

I agree with the others. Seek help from your family, and learn to manage your life. If it is possible, if you have a social network, seek a new job, a more stable job. Do what you can to improve yor own life. Be smart, and ask for external help, or life will roll over you. Start thinking more logically.

As for your wife, don't give her any time or energy. You don't have any to spare, plus she is not worth it. Use that energy to improve your life. You work too much, and need the time to feel alive also. Find a way to improve your work situation, because that many hours will cut out a lot of other things essential. Your letting too many things dictate your life, and you have to start controlling some of it.


----------

