# So Could a Kiss Just Mean A Kiss?



## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

I've been visiting this forum from time to time and enjoy it for its entertainment value, although I feel a bit guilty even admitting that. Its almost soap opera-like stories are riveting I must admit.

Anyway, I have a question and felt like this forum, more than any other, could help. My W and I have been married for almost 29 years (most of them happily) and I have never suspected her of any infidelity. Having said that, when she and I were dating exclusively back in the mid 80s, there was one night where she and her girlfriend/roommate went out to a club and she admitted to me that she kissed another guy.

I didn't find out about it and later confront but rather she just confessed to me that she had done it about 4 days after it happened. I was taken a back a bit but didn't get particularly angry with her, if memory serves. I didn't break up with her or go all apechit on her about it, which I would certainly do if it happened now. I was a bit of a partier back then and just kind of shrugged it off as her having too much to drink and not thinking, which by the way, is exactly what she told me had occurred.

To give more specifics, she and her girlfriend were walking back to their car after the bar had closed and the two guys with them kissed them goodnight before they left. My W says that she didn't say much to the guy who kissed her goodnight in the hour or so that they had spent previous to being escorted to their car. My W said that she was only being polite and cordial because her girlfriend, who wasn't dating anybody, was interested in one of the two guys. Okay, that sounds plausible enough. 

So anyway, my W told me that the guy kissed her and that she actually kissed him back for a few seconds before she realized what she was doing and promptly stopped. She told me that it was innocent enough and lasted all of 3 or 4 seconds. She was apologetic but not overly so, if I recall correctly, which I must say kind of perturbed me.

Now I've not spent a lot of time thinking about this in the past 28+ years but after reading this forum for the past few months, I do have some questions.

I've read here more than a few times that if a spouse admits to a kiss that it was likely sex and that if they admitted to more than a kiss that it likely meant sex multiple times and so forth. 

Does that same logic apply to a confession? Particularly a confession where the other partner is more than likely never to find out. I have never known my W to stretch the truth but I honestly have no way of ever knowing if a kiss is all this was or could it have been something more. Could she have lied to me with a confession or was she being completely truthful, as I have determined it to be all of these years.

I certainly don't wish to become suspicious or create an issue where there otherwise shouldn't be (a needless circle jerk if you will) but reading this forum has opened my eyes to some things. I'd be curious what everyone's take is on something like this. When told this, did I likely get the truth or is it possible to confess to something much less than what may have happened? Do people commonly confess to less that what they did to assuage their guilt?

If you've had a similar experience or been told a similar story, what was your conclusion?

Thanks in advance.


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## FromEurope (Jun 29, 2014)

Sorry..... but even if ther was something more, you are thinking about it after 28+ years? common.....


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Mostlycontent said:


> I've been visiting this forum from time to time and enjoy it for its entertainment value, although I feel a bit guilty even admitting that. Its almost soap opera-like stories are riveting I must admit...............
> 
> I certainly don't wish to become suspicious or create an issue where there otherwise shouldn't be (a needless circle jerk if you will) but reading this forum has opened my eyes to some things. I'd be curious what everyone's take is on something like this. When told this, did I likely get the truth or is it possible to confess to something much less than what may have happened? Do people commonly confess to less that what they did to assuage their guilt?
> 
> ...


Think you need to talk to Granny 7 and Mrs JA maybe 

Odd that you have not asked these questions every week for 28 yrs ?.......


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

How have things been the last 28 years?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't think you have anything to worry about. If it was more she would not have brought it up.

Unless.....................she thought someone else may have told you. Did they? Did anyone see her hanging out with another guy? This is how innocent girls nights out get people in trouble.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Seems odd that you are reading this site for the entertainment value and have a question from almost 3 decades ago. 

Obviously it would have been best addressed all those years ago. Sounds like you accepted and rug swept her confession. 

Could that be all there is to it. It could be. Could she have lied and only completed a partial confession. That is also an option. 

I have no idea how you would find out now except to ask her yourself. 

Is this incident from your past what brought you to TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

From what you describe, I'd say that it was just a kiss. In that setting, a kiss was probably the big goal. Something to build on for later. (I understand about obsession with details). That was pre-marriage, dating times, when lies and coverups are not as necessary.

When its married, more mature and experienced folks, it seems to never stop at a kiss. A kiss is not the goal.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Of course it could be. Anything is possible. 

Don't get caught up in paranoia!


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Your problem is reading about other people's troubles and pain for "entertainment value." If you've not spent time over 28 years thinking about it then it's nothing. If your "entertainment" reading has set your wheels spinning after all this time, stop reading.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mostlycontent: if she just met those dudes, then the kiss was probably insignificant as far as feelings go.

Now, had this been ag uy she's known for awhile and has ever had any kind of past with or an emotional relationship with, yes, it could have meant more. 

Doesn't sound like that was the case.

Does she go clubbing a lot without you? If so, why? You guys young? Clubs breed hook ups. Just saying.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Mostlycontent said:


> I've been visiting this forum from time to time and enjoy it for its entertainment value, although I feel a bit guilty even admitting that. Its almost soap opera-like stories are riveting I must admit.


Real families are being torn apart. Real lives are being destroyed. Real people are in agony and pain. This is no soap opera.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

Could a kiss just mean a kiss?
Well, yes, it could.
In a situation like the one you described, it surely could, though I would have reconsidered the seriousness of her commitment at the time, and investigated the matter further (was it really a casual meeting or was it a double date? And if it was the latter, why would she feel it was alright for her to go if she was dating you exclusively?)

You often read on this site about a "kiss" being a codeword for "sex", and it is, but we're talking about situations where adults meet in secret for hours. In those cases it's quite obvious it wasn't really "just kissing" and I'm always amazed by the number of BS who actually tries to believe that sex wasn't involved.


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## Riley_Z (Jan 29, 2014)

Or you find out your spouse has been meeting up with this person in secret multiple times a week for six months or more.

And they say "we only kissed.."

THAT is a LIE.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Friend, at the risk of endorsing any king of rug sweeping; if she's been a good wife for the last 28 years - rug sweep this. There, I said it.

It is true that admitting to a kiss is a common trickle truth. But I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. It was before you were married, she confessed it, it's been three decades ago and even if you'll never know for sure; sounds like that was all it was to me.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

After 28 years, your a dollar short and a day late. All your doing is bringing up something that can't be taken back. She told you what happened and you made your choice. You admitted that it was no biggie.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Here's the thing. 

#1 You've been married 28 years, so your time to object was, well, 28 years ago. What are you going to do, break up a marriage now because of this?

#2 She confessed without prompting, and without recriminations on your behalf. So the odds of her being honest in my opinion are likely high.

#3 If you're still thinking about it 28 years later, the person to talk to about it is your wife. "Wife, I've had this concern in the back of my mind all this time, and could you please be honest with me, I can take it..."

#4 At what point will you let this go? And if you manage to, could you please tell me how?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You're wasting your time and energy spinning your wheels for no good reason. 

It's time to get off TAM, or move to the Long Term Success forum instead of CWI.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Mostlycontent said:


> I've been visiting this forum from time to time and enjoy it for its entertainment value, although I feel a bit guilty even admitting that. Its almost soap opera-like stories are riveting I must admit.


Why even post this?



Mostlycontent said:


> Anyway, I have a question and felt like this forum, more than any other, could help.


This is a better way to start your post.

You can thank me later.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

3 years after DDay I'm still pained enough to almost hope that someone who comes to TAM, and CWI specifically, for the "entertainment value" gets a 28-year-later confession that it wasn't "just a kiss"... then we can all "revel" in watching you squirm through the heart-wrench........

Nevertheless, it sure doesn't sound like your wife's experience was anything more than just how she explained it, imho.

Now let's say it WAS something more... let,s say they jumped in the car and made out passionately for hours, or even had sex in the backseat of the car... what would you do about it, now, 28 years later? Let it go. 

And go away.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You're thinking about and it's starting to bug you, yes?

Perhaps there are things you did throughout your marriage or before that may be a concern to your wife? If so, could you let the scale be balanced this way?


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

marduk said:


> Here's the thing.
> 
> #1 You've been married 28 years, so your time to object was, well, 28 years ago. What are you going to do, break up a marriage now because of this?
> 
> ...



Thank you, Marduk, you seem to be one of the few who actually read and understood what I asked and then answered the question. 

This place is interesting and I apologize if "entertainment value" was the wrong phrase for some people but that is the truth. Very few people watch a race to see cars go round and round in a circle, they watch to see a good wreck. That may seem cruel and I certainly don't derive any joy from it, but it is the truth.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

workindad said:


> Seems odd that you are reading this site for the entertainment value and have a question from almost 3 decades ago.
> 
> Obviously it would have been best addressed all those years ago. Sounds like you accepted and rug swept her confession.
> 
> ...



Why would there need to be any kind of incident to bring one to TAM? This is a marriage forum and I am married. That's why I enjoy coming to this site several times a week.

I could definitely understand how others may discover TAM that way but there was no defining incident that brought me here.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Mostlycontent said:


> This place is interesting and I apologize if "entertainment value" was the wrong phrase for some people but that is the truth.


Go, and sin no more.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Philat said:


> Your problem is reading about other people's troubles and pain for "entertainment value." If you've not spent time over 28 years thinking about it then it's nothing. If your "entertainment" reading has set your wheels spinning after all this time, stop reading.


Yeah, this place definitely has a way of making one suspicious. I don't need any help in that area as it is.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Stonewall said:


> I guess its possible but it is also possible that she started thinking that you might find out and confessed to "just a kiss" in an effort to get in front of it and minimize it.



Well, I did know her roommate although not terribly well. Could she have worried that her roommate would have told me? Maybe but I doubt it.

First off, as I said, we didn't know each other very well and why would she intentionally betray her best friend? That seems unlikely.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Mostlycontent said:


> This place is interesting and I apologize if "entertainment value" was the wrong phrase for some people but that is the truth. Very few people watch a race to see cars go round and round in a circle, they watch to see a good wreck. That may seem cruel and I certainly don't derive any joy from it, but it is the truth.


Few people go to a race track and walk up to the drivers and say "I hope you wreck, because to me, that's entertaining!. But don't worry, I don't derive any joy from it".


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Few people go to a race track and walk up to the drivers and say "I hope you wreck, because to me, that's entertaining!. But don't worry, I don't derive any joy from it".


I think you know my meaning and have already apologized for the term. I'm sorry that you're having a bad day or something.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Well, I'm drawn to the CWI forum because I'm still working through the crap from my past and how it haunts my present... even when I'm not conscious of it.

And to try to help some folks out with their crap, too. I survived an affair and a divorce... and if my experiences help others, maybe it wasn't for nothing.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

lenzi said:


> Few people go to a race track and walk up to the drivers and say "I hope you wreck, because to me, that's entertaining!. But don't worry, I don't derive any joy from it".


I don't think that's what he said.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Forest said:


> From what you describe, I'd say that it was just a kiss. In that setting, a kiss was probably the big goal. Something to build on for later. (I understand about obsession with details). That was pre-marriage, dating times, when lies and coverups are not as necessary.
> 
> When its married, more mature and experienced folks, it seems to never stop at a kiss. A kiss is not the goal.


I hadn't thought about it this way but that makes some sense. You can always count on getting the straight up truth from a southern boy.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

marduk said:


> I don't think that's what he said.


You don't think he said he gets entertainment value from car wrecks at race tracks but doesn't derive any joy from it?

Sure he did.

No, he didn't go up to the drivers at the race tracks and announce this, but he's stating all over this thread- beginning with the first sentence of his first post- that he derives entertainment value (but no joy) from the real life soap operas of others.

Why he has the need to say this is beyond me.

I'm not saying I don't derive entertainment value from the stories here- but you don't see me going around announcing it.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> Anyway, I have a question and felt like this forum, more than any other, could help. My W and I have been married for almost 29 years (most of them happily) and I have never suspected her of any infidelity. Having said that, when she and I were dating exclusively back in the mid 80s, there was one night where she and her girlfriend/roommate went out to a club and she admitted to me that she kissed another guy.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Sounds like a pretty epic **** test to me. If she asked me that I'd respond "awesome Babe! I'm going out with the boys and I'll let you know if kiss a girl. I'll keep it innocent I promise!"

See how she feels about that. 

Sounds like the hamster wheel was spinning hard.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

I think he wants others to say they think it was oral in the backseat of the car so he can have his exit affair...

OP, let us know how it goes so we all can be entertained.

Geesh!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

lenzi said:


> You don't think he said he gets entertainment value from car wrecks at race tracks but doesn't derive any joy from it?
> 
> Sure he did.
> 
> ...


So it's OK to derive entertainment from other's pain unless you announce that's what you're doing?

I think what he did is admit he has an issue from his past he's having at least a little trouble getting over.

And in looking here, he sometimes got caught up in the drama that happens here. As is natural.

And I don't think he meant anything by it.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

U.E. McGill said:


> Sounds like a pretty epic **** test to me. If she asked me that I'd respond "awesome Babe! I'm going out with the boys and I'll let you know if kiss a girl. I'll keep it innocent I promise!"
> 
> See how she feels about that.
> 
> Sounds like the hamster wheel was spinning hard.


Dude, it happened 29 years ago.

It happened, she told him about it, he kept dating her, and he married her.

I don't think she's hamstering on this one at all. She's probably not thought about it since.

He is.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

marduk said:


> So it's OK to derive entertainment from other's pain unless you announce that's what you're doing?


It's not ok to post on a forum full of emotionally damaged individuals in crisis that their life stories and personal struggles are a source of entertainment value. Even if it's true.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

OP, this site can even make people in great relationships develop paranoia and dysfunctional attitudes, and cause them to second guess every little innocent incident, as you are doing. Don't fall prey to the misery loves company contingent!


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> I've been visiting this forum from time to time and enjoy it for its entertainment value, although I feel a bit guilty even admitting that. Its almost soap opera-like stories are riveting I must admit.


You burnt a bridge with me on this one.. 

Do I think your wife did more ? No.. 
But do I hope and pray she does ? Yes..

And congrats on being the first person on my ignore list.

BTW this thread should be closed..


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

lenzi said:


> It's not ok to post on a forum full of emotionally damaged individuals in crisis that their life stories and personal struggles are a source of entertainment value. Even if it's true.


Ah. I get it now.

Triggers.

Thanks. I didn't see it before.

I don't however think that he wished anyone pain so that he could be entertained.

But I do see your point now, thanks.


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## Cleaver Brooks (Jan 19, 2014)

U.E. McGill said:


> Sounds like a pretty epic **** test to me. If she asked me that I'd respond "awesome Babe! I'm going out with the boys and I'll let you know if kiss a girl. I'll keep it innocent I promise!"
> 
> See how she feels about that.
> 
> Sounds like the hamster wheel was spinning hard.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

lenzi said:


> It's not ok to post on a forum full of emotionally damaged individuals in crisis that their life stories and personal struggles are a source of entertainment value. Even if it's true.


So I suppose apologizing for my choice of words isn't enough for you. I suppose I should check with you first to determine if what I say is politically correct enough. That's nonsense. It's what makes message boards interesting.

If you don't like something then don't read it. Nobody is holding a gun to your head.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Hardtohandle said:


> You burnt a bridge with me on this one..
> 
> Do I think your wife did more ? No..
> But do I hope and pray she does ? Yes..
> ...


I don't know who you are so ignore me all you want. I'm sure I'll get over it but obviously, I'll be renting space in your head for a while.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> OP, this site can even make people in great relationships develop paranoia and dysfunctional attitudes, and cause them to second guess every little innocent incident, as you are doing. Don't fall prey to the misery loves company contingent!


I can see that first hand. Some here definitely enjoy the misery aspect. Perhaps they should start drinking heavily. I think I'd prefer that route to spewing all over anyone else who comes across their radar.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Mostlycontent said:


> So I suppose apologizing for my choice of words isn't enough for you.


It has nothing to do with your "choice of words".

I'm not looking for apologies. You're proudly advertising the fact that you derive entertainment from the problems of others. It's like apologizing for cheating on a person. It doesn't change the fact. 



Mostlycontent said:


> If you don't like something then don't read it.


Oh, ok. Perhaps you can explain to me how I can decide if I like something before I read it? :scratchhead:



Mostlycontent said:


> I don't know who you are so ignore me all you want. I'm sure I'll get over it but obviously, I'll be renting space in your head for a while.


Do you derive enjoyment from knowing that someone is renting you space in their head?


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

lenzi said:


> It has nothing to do with your "choice of words".
> 
> I'm not looking for apologies. You're proudly advertising the fact that you derive entertainment from the problems of others. It's like apologizing for cheating on a person. It doesn't change the fact.
> 
> ...


When someone is ugly to me then yes, I enjoy getting the better of them. You see, it's not me that chooses to be in their head. It's strictly their own doing. Nobody has that power over you unless you give it to them. Apparently, a lot of people don't understand that.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

U.E. McGill said:


> Sounds like a pretty epic **** test to me. If she asked me that I'd respond "awesome Babe! I'm going out with the boys and I'll let you know if kiss a girl. I'll keep it innocent I promise!"
> 
> See how she feels about that.
> 
> Sounds like the hamster wheel was spinning hard.


Yes, that's how I should have responded but I was young and stupid about such things then. I was only 23 and more interested in getting high than anything else. Ahh, to be young and carefree again.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Mostlycontent said:


> So it's an unforgivable breach in your opinion?


Has nothing to do with forgiving. I think it's a bit messed up that you're here primarily for entertainment value and you don't seem to have an issue with letting everyone know this. 



Mostlycontent said:


> That's rather judgmental considering you don't even know me but whatever.


Is it judgemental of me to say that I don't think it's ok for you to announce to the forum that you're here for the entertainment value of the real life soap operas? I don't think so.



Mostlycontent said:


> By the way, you derive entertainment from reading and responding to this thread.


Yes. And it kills the downtime on what has been a rather slow day at work. 



Mostlycontent said:


> It gets you worked up or even angry.


No.



Mostlycontent said:


> You might even enjoy getting angry because it gives you a sense of power.


Not getting angry so I can't agree with you on the sense of power I might get from being angry.



Mostlycontent said:


> Not admitting that truth doesn't make it any less so.


True.



Mostlycontent said:


> Lenze said:
> 
> 
> > Oh, ok. Perhaps you can explain to me how I can decide if I like something before I read it?
> ...


Well of course that's true but that's not what you said..you said if I don't like something, don't READ it, not RESPOND to it.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Mostlycontent:

so this guy was a stranger she met at a club when she went outwith her friend? in this context a kiss could be it I think. but do you know much about your wife's sexual experience before she started dating you? e.g. did she ever do a ONS with anyone, or with someone she had just met?


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

nuclearnightmare said:


> Mostlycontent:
> 
> so this guy was a stranger she met at a club when she went outwith her friend? in this context a kiss could be it I think. but do you know much about your wife's sexual experience before she started dating you? e.g. did she ever do a ONS with anyone, or with someone she had just met?


No, she was not the ONS type. She had had several boyfriends before we met though. And yes, the guy was a stranger and not someone that she had known previously. As I stated earlier, her girlfriend/roommate was interested in this guy's friend so that's the only reason they were together at all or at least that was what I was told. 

So who really knows and I likely never will. I do appreciate those that attempted to answer my questions and not pick apart my words instead.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Riley_Z said:


> Or you find out your spouse has been meeting up with this person in secret multiple times a week for six months or more.
> 
> And they say "we only kissed.."
> 
> THAT is a LIE.


And don't leave out the possibility that this 28 year old full blown affair has led to her having several children with the guy. Just to show how duplicitous women can be, she even kept those pregnancies secret from you all this time.

You just never know.

Is it possible for you to man up, become an alpha male, and divorce her?

Just sayin'...


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Yes. And it kills the downtime on what has been a rather slow day at work.


You are here because it is interesting and probably even provides some entertainment for you. That's why anyone goes to a message board. As I stated, it's a poor choice of words and comes across as insensitive but that wasn't my intent. It's just being honest and I would wager that a lot of people come here for the same reasons.

And if you don't think that race car drivers don't know that their fans come to races to see pileups and wrecks then you're crazy. Of course they know that or they're willfully obtuse about it.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

sidney2718 said:


> And don't leave out the possibility that this 28 year old full blown affair has led to her having several children with the guy. Just to show how duplicitous women can be, she even kept those pregnancies secret from you all this time.
> 
> You just never know.
> 
> ...


Now that made me laugh. thank you.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> Yeah, this place definitely has a way of making one suspicious. I don't need any help in that area as it is.


Mostlycontent:

given your wife's need for external validation (not an unusually strong need but a need you discussed in the GNO thread) - is there something on your mind? i.e. are you a bit suspicious as to whether she has always been faithful to you? if you are a bit, my guess is you have a bit of a reason. just asking......


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> Yes, that's how I should have responded but I was young and stupid about such things then. I was only 23 and more interested in getting high than anything else. Ahh, to be young and carefree again.


Ah yes. THAT'S why you didn't notice those pregnancies! You were high for six or seven years.

Don't believe what I wrote? She's hidden those kids somewheres. I'd look for them if I were you.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

nuclearnightmare said:


> Mostlycontent:
> 
> given your wife's need for external validation (not an unusually strong need but a need you discussed in the GNO thread) - is there something on your mind? i.e. are you a bit suspicious as to whether she has always been faithful to you? if you are a bit, my guess is you have a bit of a reason. just asking......


That's an interesting take. I'm just not overly trusting of anybody. I guess I understand human nature all too well so I'm definitely in the camp of verifying everything I can. 

Am I a bit suspicious? That's a tough one. I suppose I don't ever discount the possibility that even a good, honest person can screw up. Do I think my W ever has? No, but one can never be too sure. At least I can't.

I had a girlfriend in college that I dated for two years that was a serious "game player" and I must admit that it forever changed my views towards completely trusting women. Of course, I dumped her but the damage was done. I realized then that no matter how big and tough another guy might be, he could never hurt me as much as a woman, or should I say a manipulative woman, could. I rather wish I had never crossed paths with her but she was great in bed so there's that.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

sidney2718 said:


> Ah yes. THAT'S why you didn't notice those pregnancies! You were high for six or seven years.
> 
> Don't believe what I wrote? She's hidden those kids somewheres. I'd look for them if I were you.


dude, you're killing me.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

nuclearnightmare said:


> Mostlycontent:
> 
> given your wife's need for external validation (not an unusually strong need but a need you discussed in the GNO thread) - is there something on your mind? i.e. are you a bit suspicious as to whether she has always been faithful to you? if you are a bit, my guess is you have a bit of a reason. just asking......


You know the other thing I just remembered was an instance where a guy that worked out in the gym I owned tried to kiss my W when she and I were out at a club one night. I had just gone to the bar for a few minutes to get my W and I some drinks when it happened.

She was completely caught off guard and pushed the guy away immediately but didn't tell me about this episode until 6 or 7 years after it happened. I was angry about that part and asked her why she waited so damn long to tell me. She said that she was afraid that if she told me that I would have beaten the crap out of the guy and ended up going to jail. Well, she's right about that part so I had nothing else to say about it.

So, do I occasionally wonder if other things could have happened over the years that I'm not aware of? You bet.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Since it was GNO and there were witnesses- she certainly could have done more than she confessed to. With it still unresolved and on your mind after all this time, you clearly know that already. 

I see that this is renting space in your head even after 3 decades of marriage. How much entertainment is this worth?


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Mostlycontent said:


> You are here because it is interesting and probably even provides some entertainment for you. That's why anyone goes to a message board. .............. It's just being honest and I would wager that a lot of people come here for the same reasons.
> 
> And if you don't think that race car drivers don't know that their fans come to races to see pileups and wrecks then you're crazy. Of course they know that or they're willfully obtuse about it.


Really I have to say looking at this thread again you're are a bit of a ****head with your constant 'entertainment' buzz

That is hardly the reason any person comes to THIS particular web site with it's specific subject matter.

If you find anything in this CWI forum 'entertaining' then you're frankly a an idiot

I think you're on a bit of a 'wind up' here too. Hope the mods sort it


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## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> I have never known my W to stretch the truth but I honestly have no way of ever knowing if a kiss is all this was or could it have been something more.


Out of that entire lengthy post, this is all that matters. It was 30 years ago. Why worry about it now?


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## nikoled (Mar 12, 2014)

I recently found out about a "just a kiss" incident. My husband was at a work function and somehow ended up kissing a woman goodbye. I found out when reading an email from over 10 years ago where the woman involved apologized to him for allowing it to happen and told him that she had a boyfriend so nothing could come from the kiss. I then also read the email from a few days later after she found out he was married and was mad. Had my husband not just recently been busted for an affair I might not think much of it. If this was one incident in 20+ years I'd maybe write it off...but I have discovered it is one of many incidents of poor boundaries. He now recognizes this and is working to improve now that he is terrified of losing his family. So, I guess I"d look at the big picture. If she has been a great wife all of these years and you have no reason to be concerned I'd discuss it and let it go. If she hasn't then I"d discuss it and explore further.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Headspin said:


> Really I have to say looking at this thread again you're are a bit of a ****head with your constant 'entertainment' buzz
> 
> That is hardly the reason any person comes to THIS particular web site with it's specific subject matter.
> 
> ...


Other people keep bringing it up, not me. If you have read the thread then you would know that. I find all of the forums here, save a few of them, to be interesting. If you came to CWI first, do you not ever read any of the other forums? I would bet you do. Do you not find them interesting. I'll use that word since it hopefully doesn't offend as easily.

You can let the Mods sort it out but you are the one name calling, which I thought was prohibited here.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

nikoled said:


> I recently found out about a "just a kiss" incident. My husband was at a work function and somehow ended up kissing a woman goodbye. I found out when reading an email from over 10 years ago where the woman involved apologized to him for allowing it to happen and told him that she had a boyfriend so nothing could come from the kiss. I then also read the email from a few days later after she found out he was married and was mad. Had my husband not just recently been busted for an affair I might not think much of it. If this was one incident in 20+ years I'd maybe write it off...but I have discovered it is one of many incidents of poor boundaries. He now recognizes this and is working to improve now that he is terrified of losing his family. So, I guess I"d look at the big picture. If she has been a great wife all of these years and you have no reason to be concerned I'd discuss it and let it go. If she hasn't then I"d discuss it and explore further.


Thanks for the reply. I think you offer some good insight. Your situation is obviously different from mine and definitely sounds like a boundaries issue at the very least.

It is more unusual for men to be confronted with these kinds of things. I once had a female boss who would touch my thigh and look at me in ways that made me a bit uncomfortable. Admittedly, I wasn't as sure of what I should have done in that situation as that's not something that happens to us men very frequently.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Mostlycontent said:


> *:iagree::iagree:* This is a marriage forum and I am married. That's why I enjoy coming to this site several times a week.
> 
> I could definitely understand how others may discover TAM that way but there was no defining incident that brought me here.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Mostlycontent said:


> You know the other thing I just remembered was an instance where a guy that worked out in the gym I owned tried to kiss my W when she and I were out at a club one night. I had just gone to the bar for a few minutes to get my W and I some drinks when it happened.
> 
> She was completely caught off guard and pushed the guy away immediately but didn't tell me about this episode until 6 or 7 years after it happened. I was angry about that part and asked her why she waited so damn long to tell me. She said that she was afraid that if she told me that I would have beaten the crap out of the guy and ended up going to jail. Well, she's right about that part so I had nothing else to say about it.
> 
> So, do I occasionally wonder if other things could have happened over the years that I'm not aware of? You bet.


I would too. And let's get real. They did. Basically I think you did a good job in handling the clubbing. Yes things happened there that would have pissed you off. I am not saying she did anything wrong other than put herself in that but for sure if she is good looking some guys did some things you would have really been upset about. I doubt she kissed any guys but she knows that at one time that did not upset you. 

I think it is normal to reflect on your life when you have been married many years. Obsessed ... probably not. But sometimes we go through life with a certain view and then get to connect the dots in much the way that Steven Jobs has said.

All this said the reflection can make one wiser and more compassionate. It can help move a marriage forward or backward. It is usually in the context of how things are when you are reflecting.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

A kiss in never just a kiss.

I kiss my kids because it portrays selfless and unconditional love to them.

I kissed my wife because I loved her, and her lips tasted nice.

I kissed that lady at the airport lounge because I wanted to see her naked and hopefully get those lips around my rod.

I kissed that girl at the bar out of curiosity, and to see her naked too of course, but she tasted gross.

I'm sure my wife kissed her boyfriend out of thrill and curiosity also.

But, dude, 28 years ago is long gone. 

(those two girls were post divorce, so no one best get thier feathers up here)


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## Working1 (Sep 28, 2013)

I am reading your post and it reminds me of when a kiss was so intoxicating! Something new! I suppose that is exactly what all the affairs that have been told about on this website start with, and as we can see, if you are married, not a place one should go. But, if I were starting over single, I would look forward to a night out, a new experience and a reboot. 
Maybe this is a good place to come from for all those who need inspiration to get out of an infidel marriage and a cheating spouse and into a fresh start!


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

OK putting aside the hostilties, and not egging you on but a serious question: I'm still curious what you'd do if she confessed that it *was* more than just a kiss, now these 28 years later?


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