# My boyfriend doesn't pay attention to me



## palevampire8686

My boyfriend and I has been together less than a year. I'm 22 and he's 34. So the problem here is that he has an addiction to amphetamines. He takes it everyday. And when he takes that, he doesn't take care of me at all. He told me that he's doing this drug because it helps him work, because when he's sober he doesn't really work that much. Here's the issue: he's litteraly in front of his computer 24/7. All he does is work and masturbate, during the day and the night. (He is a web developer) It's hard for him to even stand up and do chores or just to sit down next to me and just spend time with me.
I'm aware that working is important but I think that there's some limit. I don't care how much he can work but he doesn't pay any attention to me. I want to have some time with him but when I try to talk to him, he's mad that I talk to him because he cannot concentrate. (He's not always mad but most of the time) He lost his last job because he worked too much and when he stopped amphetamines, he couldn't work anymore because he did it too much. I told him to be careful but he doesn't want to listen. Also, when he's on this drug (and as I said it's everyday) he never wants to have sex with me and he prefers to watch porn and masturbate, because he's on his computer. He told me that he masturbated about 10 times when I wasn't there. One time we didn't have sex for 2 weeks. He doesn't really sleep either wich bother me because I would like to at least, sleep next to him. He's also really irritable when he doesn't sleep, everything I do gets on his nerve. There was times when he even got violent with me.

I'm worried for his job and for his health. Trying to talk to him won't do anything because he's very stubborn. What should I do? (Sorry for my English, I'm french)

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## palevampire8686

I forgot to mention, my boyfriend is a web developer.

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## In Absentia

He doesn't pay attention to you because he is a drug addict and he only cares about his drugs. Sorry, but what are you waiting for? Just dump him. Can you see him being the father of your children? What future do you think you are going to have with him? You are only 22... and he gets violent? Get out before you get hurt.


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## joannacroc

palevampire8686 said:


> He lost his last job because he worked too much
> 
> There was times when he even got violent with me.


So did he tell you he lost his job because he worked too much??? That just doesn't make any sense to me. Sounds like he is telling lies, and that his drug issue got way more out of hand than he is willing to own. So he made up something completely implausible. Who fires someone for working too much? I call bologne.

He was violent with you - your safety is more important than any other issue in the relationship. If he was violent with you after a year it isn't going to get better. Leave now while you still can. And please, please don't marry him.


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## Blondilocks

Ask the mods to combine this thread with your other one as you'll get better input. I suggest you get a job and start supporting yourself. You will then be in a position to move out and find a real boyfriend.


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## Diceplayer

So why do you think so little of yourself that you believe you have to stay with him? The purpose of dating someone is to see if they are a good fit for a LTR. He is not a good fit for you so why are you still with him? Just leave. Or are you one of these people who needs to rescue someone or believe that they will change once you get married? Then you'll be back here a year after the wedding complaining about the same thing. Don't be stupid...just leave.


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## TJW

palevampire8686 said:


> Trying to talk to him won't do anything because he's very stubborn. What should I do?


To an addict, the drug-of-choice is EVERYTHING. They will sacrifice ANYTHING for the drug.

Just get out. ASAP. Don't waste your breath. Whatever else you do, don't have children with him.


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## Cooper

Leave him, I don't care how much you love him you still need to leave him. If you stay with him he will forever change you, you will struggle with confidence and trust all your life.

You are 22 years old, it's not your job to fix a 34 year old man. Be selfish, focus on a happy future, don't let anyone muck up your life.


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## PhillyGuy13

Do you have a baby with him? (please don’t say you have a baby with him)

leave him. The end. There is no reason to stay in this relationship.

Yeah, but...

NO. Don’t want to hear it. Leave him.


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## Diana7

I have absolutely no idea why you are with this man, none.


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## Cooper

Diana7 said:


> I have absolutely no idea why you are with this man, none.


She's with him because she's just a kid trying to figure out life. She's knows it's a bad relationship because she's questioning things, she just needs the maturity to listen to her common sense and get rid of this guy.


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## Imagirl

Cooper said:


> Leave him, I don't care how much you love him you still need to leave him. If you stay with him he will forever change you, you will struggle with confidence and trust all your life.


Please listen to this advice. I'm 46 years old and struggle every moment of my ilife with confidence, self worth and trust. Don't follow that path.


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## palevampire8686

joannacroc said:


> So did he tell you he lost his job because he worked too much??? That just doesn't make any sense to me. Sounds like he is telling lies, and that his drug issue got way more out of hand than he is willing to own. So he made up something completely implausible. Who fires someone for working too much? I call bologne.
> 
> He was violent with you - your safety is more important than any other issue in the relationship. If he was violent with you after a year it isn't going to get better. Leave now while you still can. And please, please don't marry him.


He lost his job because he did a burn-out. He wasn't able to work sober so he didn't do anything for a month. And I get what you're saying..

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## Prodigal

Please get your focus off the addict and focus on yourself. If you stay with this man, he will pull you down with him. Love yourself enough to get out now. Believe me, I know. I was married to an alcoholic and I had to walk away for the sake of my sanity and well-being.


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## OddOne

Do you have insecurity issues? Do you think he's the kind of guy you deserve? Were you from a broken home and are desperate for stability? Sorry, but those seem to me the simplest and most likely explanations for why you are with this guy. If any, most or all of those thing are true, I really think you need to get therapy. But first, and most importantly, you need to get away from your BF. You are still young. Don't throw your life away for this loser.


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## DownByTheRiver

Your boyfriend is a meth head and that is a really bad addiction and lends itself to violence. He's too old for you anyway. You are 22 and have the whole world at your fingertips. All you have to do is dump him and walk away because there is nothing you can do to help him. He is the only one that can help himself and right now he is in denial. 

Please just untangle yourself from this and walk while you still can.


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## AndStilliRise

Why are still in the relationship? He is a drug addict and you cannot help him. He has to choose to get help on his own. And even then he will always be an addict, the difference is if he is an active addict or an addict in recovery. You thinking you can help him is codependent behavior. Pick up the book Codependent No More and leave.


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