# Am I Being Catfished?



## 50Lite (Feb 1, 2018)

Hi :smile2: I've been in a long distance, online relationship with someone for two years or so, and I'm a little suspicious of the person on the other end. I'd really appreciate any thoughts or ideas you have.

I'm a regular poster on a variety of forums. Which is where I met the person. This individual forum is hobby specific, it's not about relationships or marriage. About two years ago, I messaged another poster and we exchange a couple friendly back and forths. After a while, we noticed feelings began to grow between the two of us, and we started a relationship.

*The Non-Catfishy Facts:*

1. They've never been in a financial bind, and have never asked for money. I've offered to buy them things on several different occasions, and they unequivocally refused.

2. I've reverse searched all the photographs they've sent me, and none of them appear online. Additionally, I asked for photographs of their underwear (not them wearing them, just the garment), and they sent them. The picture was taken in the same room that the portrait photographs they sent me months earlier were taken in. Same bed, same walls, same artwork on walls. While there are plenty of people who post scantily clad photographs of themselves online, this picture was just the garment sitting on their bed. Which, I don't think is very common online? The only purpose I can think of for taking a photograph of just them sitting there would be to sell them (and who buys 2nd hand underwear? Yeah, I know, but if it was one of those pervy websites the model would be wearing them would they not?). Point being, it wouldn't seem likely that it was just stolen off some random Facebook profile. In addition to this, they sent me a picture of a handbag they were making (partially completed), which was also in the same room.

3. During all of our skype phone calls, their English and grammar has been completely normal.

4. On certain occasions, they've energetically asked me to come up and meet them (they wanted to have sex). I wasn't able to travel up at that time, and had to decline.

5. They've tried to end things on several occasions because of the distance (wouldn't a scammer want to keep people on the hook?)


*The Catfishy Facts:*

1. They've refused to video-call. I didn't have a webcam at first, but when I finally got one, our relationship was in turbulent water, and they didn't feel like it.

2. On other occasions when I was able to travel to meet them, they've refused to meet. Granted, we were having relationship issues at the time.

3. They've refused to provide their last name, address, phone number, the name of the business they work for, and have been cautious about giving out the names of family or friends.


I know most of the people here have a "put out or get out" mentality, but I'm not looking for "just move on" advice. I like to think that I can be logical when I need to be, but I'd like 3rd party opinions on whether the person seems legitimate, if you would spare your thoughts. Do you think they're a scammer? Is there something I've missed?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Catfishing is not the same as scamming. 
Refusing to met in person or face skpe raises massive red flags for catfishing. What is the point if after 2 years you have never ever even seen each other apart from possible photos? Do you want to waste another 2 years? What are the photos like they sent you? Is she attractive? Maybe too attractive? 
I don't think she is a scammer, but almost certainly catfishing. Either way she seems to have little interest in having a proper relationship.
Take her advise and end things. This relationship is going no where.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

50Lite said:


> Hi :smile2: I've been in a long distance, online relationship with someone for two years or so, and I'm a little suspicious of the person on the other end. I'd really appreciate any thoughts or ideas you have.
> 
> I'm a regular poster on a variety of forums. Which is where I met the person. This individual forum is hobby specific, it's not about relationships or marriage. About two years ago, I messaged another poster and we exchange a couple friendly back and forths. After a while, we noticed feelings began to grow between the two of us, and we started a relationship.
> 
> ...


Try staying off the computer for a month and interacting with people in the real world.

A picture of their underwear?

Really thats the best you got?

Whats next their shoe?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I don't know what catfishing is, but it sounds like the person:

1. Is married 

or

2. Doesn't want you to know what they really look like.

3. Isn't into having real life relationships, but likes to have online (fantasy) ones. Asking you to come to visit is only bait to keep you hooked.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

If you have never met then you are not in a relationship.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

MrsHolland said:


> If you have never met then you are not in a relationship.


Was going to mention this.

You need to explain how you are in a relationship if you never meet nor physically interact.

I must be too old. "Relationships" nowadays, when explained to me, make no sense!


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## 50Lite (Feb 1, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Catfishing is not the same as scamming.
> Refusing to met in person or face skpe raises massive red flags for catfishing. What is the point if after 2 years you have never ever even seen each other apart from possible photos? Do you want to waste another 2 years? What are the photos like they sent you? Is she attractive? Maybe too attractive?
> I don't think she is a scammer, but almost certainly catfishing. Either way she seems to have little interest in having a proper relationship.
> Take her advise and end things. This relationship is going no where.


If the person is who they say they are, I have no problem waiting another two years. If they're who they represent themselves to be, then I'm not interested in anyone else.

The photos are generic portraits. Some are selfies taken in her bedroom, some taken by others while out doing recreational activities, others were taken by others while she was sitting on the couch or something. She's very attractive, but none of the pictures are glamorous. She's not wearing super nice or sexy clothes, she looks very much like a girl next door.



chillymorn69 said:


> Try staying off the computer for a month and interacting with people in the real world.
> 
> A picture of their underwear?
> 
> ...


Most people aren't worth my time.

I'm not in a competition. I asked for the photograph because I wanted to see something they had described in passing. I only mentioned it because it was a unique photo taken in the same room as the others.

But yes, I've asked to see their shoes next. I'm so excited!


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Dude........you are wasting your time.......and mine for reading this ridiculous thread.......I am seldom harsh with people on this forum but you have crossed a line........you need to be engaged in reality, not some distant theoretical fantasy


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

50Lite said:


> If the person is who they say they are, I have no problem waiting another two years. If they're who they represent themselves to be, then I'm not interested in anyone else.


At this point, you have rather slim pickin's to go on. But you would wait another two years if this person represents herself as who she claims to be. How can you accurately assess that? 




50Lite said:


> Most people aren't worth my time.


Yet, for some reason, this internet woman who you actually don't know and haven't met, is worth your time? What makes you believe anything she posts is authentic? And why wait for so long to meet?



50Lite said:


> But yes, I've asked to see their shoes next. I'm so excited!


Yeah, sure buddy. Heck, if she lets you see her tank top, you'll probably start foaming at the mouth.

For what it's worth, I doubt this thread is real. If it is, I feel sorry for you. There are better - and far healthier - ways to meet women. This sounds pretty looney to me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

50Lite said:


> If the person is who they say they are, I have no problem waiting another two years. If they're who they represent themselves to be, then I'm not interested in anyone else.
> 
> The photos are generic portraits. Some are selfies taken in her bedroom, some taken by others while out doing recreational activities, others were taken by others while she was sitting on the couch or something. She's very attractive, but none of the pictures are glamorous. She's not wearing super nice or sexy clothes, she looks very much like a girl next door.
> 
> ...


Until you meet in person you have no idea if there is any chemistry. When I met a couple of men who I had got on very well with on line, and this was after just a few weeks, there was no chemistry. Just imagine if you met her after 4 years and knew straight away that there was nothing there? What a waste of time and effort.

Everyone advises that if you are on online dating sites you must meet asap.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

2 years and not even a video call?

My ex H and I were very long distance (5hink an ocean) for almost 5 years before we lived together.

Trips every time we could afford them. Online conferences (this was pre-skype) every moment we could, and regularly sent photos in the mail. Hours upon hours on the phone. I almost flunked several classes in college because we always wanted to communicate. 

Even THAT had people telling me it wasn't real.... Until it was real and we moved in together. Total of 13 years together until things broke down.

So, I agree with others. You are not interacting nearly enough to form an organic bond.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Just a thought ..... perhaps the title of this thread should be: Are We Being Catfished?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Araucaria said:


> I don't know what catfishing is, but it sounds like the person:
> 
> 1. Is married
> 
> ...


catfishing == lure (someone) into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

50Lite said:


> *The Non-Catfishy Facts:*
> 
> 1. They've never been in a financial bind, and have never asked for money. I've offered to buy them things on several different occasions, and they unequivocally refused.
> 
> ...


Based on your list, you are being catfished.

You have spoken to her and heard her real voice, right? So you know she's most likely a woman. "She" could be a transsexual however, for all you know.

She is hiding who she really is form your. So she is clearly using a false persona to real you in.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

50Lite said:


> If the person is who they say they are, I have no problem waiting another two years. If they're who they represent themselves to be, then I'm not interested in anyone else.
> 
> The photos are generic portraits. Some are selfies taken in her bedroom, some taken by others while out doing recreational activities, others were taken by others while she was sitting on the couch or something. She's very attractive, but none of the pictures are glamorous. She's not wearing super nice or sexy clothes, she looks very much like a girl next door.
> 
> ...


Most people are not worth your time? But some female who hides behind her computer screen is?

The thing about on-line relationships is that she can pretend to be anyone she wants to be as long as you never see her, never find out about her real life.

I know a guy who does this. I forms relationships with men online. He pretends to be a female and uses photos that cannot be traced online. He is able to fool the men that he leads on. He's really good at sucking these guys into online relationships. It's really creepy of him. But it's astonishing watching how the men just fall for his act... he is very good at playing a role that men like... really like.

And he always has an excuse for why he cannot give them info like phone number, address, etc.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Whether they are a catfish or not isn't the issue.

The issue is you've burned up two years if your life with a pen pal that isn't going anywhere.

In two years you could have been dating real people in the real and had a real relationship(s) and perhaps even married in that time. 

Instead you've put 2 years into this and have nothing to show for it but questions.

You didn't even have sex when it was offered. That would've at least been something and you would've at least been in the same room with them.

You got nuth'n here.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I just read a post where some guy goes on and on about worrying he was catfished by some chick for 2 years and he's never even met, but goes on to say that he doesn't want to meet a Real Life Girl because most people aren't worth his time.

Do you get mad at your mom for using the milk even though it has your name on it?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I'm guessing she doesn't look anything like the pictures she's sent you. Probably she's obese and is using old pictures (this is somewhat common with on-line dating). But the few times she's invited you she probably figures you would have stayed if sex was on the table.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

How far away does she live? When my wife and I started dating she lived 3+ hours away, and I would drive down every Friday after work, fool around all weekend, then drive all the way back for work on Monday morning. For over 6 months! So what, is this girl in Alaska or something? And what exactly is wrong with you that you'd be willing to wait 4 years to meet her, instead of dating 20 women in that same time frame? If there really is something wrong with you (crippling shyness, bald, horribly disfigured in a smelting accident) then why would this Playboy Bunny with hand-crocheted undies hold a torch for so long?

I don't know if she's really trying to get anything from you (why on earth would you offer her money????), but she's definitely catfishing you. She's not who you think. She might be an awesome, smart, creative person but even if those pictures are of her (I think they're her daughter or brother's girlfriend), she's NOT looking for an actual relationship. Or else you would have met her long ago. She's just having fun with online relationships. Where she can be anyone, or anything she feels like.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

toblerone said:


> I just read a post where some guy goes on and on about worrying he was catfished by some chick for 2 years and he's never even met, but goes on to say that he doesn't want to meet a Real Life Girl because most people aren't worth his time.
> 
> Do you get mad at your mom for using the milk even though it has your name on it?


I think I understand. As long as this woman isn't real, she's worth his time because she is mostly a construct of his imagination. He doesn't know the actual her at all, therefore she cannot disappoint him with fatal flaws.

In other words, OP doesn't actually want a real relationship any more than the chick catfishing him does.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> If you have never met then you are not in a relationship.


OOOOOH, Dear,

On this you are wrong.
Your bodies never touch, but your minds rub all over each other.

Even if a fake mind, a faux mind, one put-on and donned while online. 

Still is, remains a mind created by the other mind's imagination.

And you can be in the other's warm pocket and never know it.
But you can imagine this image, such a place, such a thing.

For some that is enough.
Until enough needs an upgrade.
Needs a meetup. 
Having, putting hands in each other's pockets.

In real time, In real life.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

The happy couple -


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I didn't read any other comments just the OP.

Sounds like the person does not want to further the relationship.

Sounds like a legit person though

Cut ties


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> OOOOOH, Dear,
> 
> On this you are wrong.
> Your bodies never touch, but your minds rub all over each other.
> ...


If I look at pictures of Ferrari's all day, does this mean I own one? In my mind I do so I must be mentally sound. Bonus is that I have not risked 1 cent of my money or endagered my life by driving like a bat out of hell.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> If I look at pictures of Ferrari's all day, does this mean I own one? In my mind I do so I must be mentally sound. Bonus is that I have not risked 1 cent of my money or endagered my life by driving like a bat out of hell.


Yes, true...

But OP knows catfish, having been catfished. By a muddy water bull head and his spouse.

Likely, at some point in their virtual communication, virtual pixel rubbing, he rubbed the other couple the wrong way.

Against the grain, against the fur covering their dorsal fin.

Both salt- and fresh-water catfish are dangerous. Each has three spines and a stinging apparatus.

When you grab em' to pull out the hook, they can snap their spines and cut your cuticles off at the knuckle.
Their whiskers will get you too,


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> If you have never met then you are not in a relationship.


Then why do online affairs count as cheating then? :scratchhead:


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

inmyprime said:


> Then why do online affairs count as cheating then? :scratchhead:


JMO, but when SINGLE people are trying to meet others through OLD they are doing nothing more than looking for prospective partners. Or just to get laid, which is often the case. Anyway, a MARRIED person who is chatting with someone else, playing online slap-and-tickle, or whatever is going outside the proper boundaries of the marriage is wandering into the cheat-zone. 

It doesn't need to be online. It can be via email, chat rooms, dating sites, in an office ... you get the idea. The thing is, married people shouldn't go looking online to seek what that should be getting from their partner.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

I bet she's married or otherwise occupied. Or, as somebody suggested, she's using old pics. So crazy that you haven't actually met and don't know her last name!

My current gf and I met on a support forum, and began emailing each other platonically. We gave our real names and addresses immediately. Six months after our online meeting, she came up (another state, six hours away) to celebrate my birthday. Once I was in her presence, I was immediately smitten.

What you have going on right now seems insane. No meeting, no last name? Something is definitely not right here.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

It’s clearly a dude, dude.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> It’s clearly a dude, dude.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Another real possibility!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

There’s only one reason why someone will not be using a cam....

because penis.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

No this situation is more like turtled instead of catfished.

Bluegill maybe but definatly not catfished.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

introvert said:


> What you have going on right now seems insane. No meeting, no last name? Something is definitely not right here.


I wish the people who posted baloney/bogus posts here would be a bit more imaginative. I mean, seriously. I could have cooked up something a little more imaginative than this. Still, if it helps someone and generates a good discussion, at least it served some useful purpose.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Originally Posted by introvert-
What you have going on right now seems insane. No meeting, no last name? Something is definitely not right here.


Prodigal said:


> I wish the people who posted baloney/bogus posts here would be a bit more imaginative. I mean, seriously. I could have cooked up something a little more imaginative than this. Still, if it helps someone and generates a good discussion, at least it served some useful purpose.


What is baloney or bogus about introvert's post? It is brief and exactly to the point of the OP. And it expresses simple common logic that many people addicted to screen time might not possess. Whoever his pen pal is doesn't want to really meet him or skype / facetime / duo with him. But she'll send pictures of her underwear and shoes. If she was interested in meeting him she would have done it by now. Plenty of time and opportunity. Either she just likes this type of fantasy online affair, or it could be malevolent such as a long-term scam. He has offered her money, and she has strung him along with panty pics. 

I'm not saying she is bad. I am saying she doesn't want a physical relationship with OP. So understand that, don't set yourself up to online predation, and be open to real relations with real people in your real community.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

I'm reminded of my Uncle Charlie. Around 60 yo he left my Aunt to chase a younger model. Some 30yo blond he met online that wanted to have sex with him but it was "much more than that" and they had a real connection. So he divorced my Aunt and moved cross country to Arizona to live with Bimbo (Nobody has ever met her). He talks to his adult children about once a year about how sexy and wonderful she is. The pictures of him look very frail and wheelchair bound. No one is sure where he lives (address or town) but his Pension, Annuity, VA and Social Security checks get cashed every month. And her Facebook page is all pictures of her out partying with bikers and gang-looking guys (neck tattoos, handguns).

Some members here like SunCmars may wax poetic about how Uncle Charlie _does_ have a real relationship with Bimbo, because he is happy. But to those of us that knew him, we just see him being taken advantage of by a sexy online predator. 

Be careful 50Lite.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> What is baloney or bogus about introvert's post?


Just joined. Two posts, total. Then goes dark. It's fairly common. It's also fairly bogus. I've been around here a long time. As a rule, I can spot BS.

However, this practice tends to be more prevalent when kids are on break from school ...


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

I apologize Prodigal - I thought you were calling Introvert bogus. But you were referring to OP. Okay, I understand now.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Then why do online affairs count as cheating then? :scratchhead:


Just like the OP, someone having an online affair is not in a relationship either. It is some sort of bizzarro world that is played out in the mind. While it may be part of their real life, it is not real. My guess is that there is some low grade mental health issues going on with people that do this sort of thing, low self esteem, depression.

The difference is the OP is not in a relationship with anyone else. In the case of an already partnered person, they are expending energy on and giving importance to a person other than a spouse which is where the betrayal comes in.


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