# Wife's anxiety about appearance killing me



## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Besides the sex life, we seem to have a good marriage. She says she loves me etc and I love her. Before we married, yes she has issues with her image but she was getting over them and making an effort. For the record she looks great and is quite attractive which makes it even worse. She says kids insulting her as a child and put her in this mindset. End of story; sex only in the dark, half dressed, and I do most of the moving. I proposed helping her somehow and she said it is out of the question. This is the way it is. 

I am attracted to, and desire my wife. But I am not getting what I need. So my question is, if she does have a psychological problem, should I stand by her no matter what? ie, even if she just wants to accept it the way it is? Or am I being selfish that my needs are not being met as a result and make that clear to her (not that I haven't tried in the past)

Thanks


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## cashybum (Aug 16, 2012)

Plastic surgery? Confidence is a huge sex booster. I would love love love to share my new boobs with my husband but he is to busy shopping for a new boat because I made him mad. If she is really that self conscious about it, it might be worth it to save your marriage.

.....or you could try getting her a little tipsy before hand.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

cashybum said:


> Plastic surgery? Confidence is a huge sex booster. I would love love love to share my new boobs with my husband but he is to busy shopping for a new boat because I made him mad. If she is really that self conscious about it, it might be worth it to save your marriage.
> 
> .....or you could try getting her a little tipsy before hand.


She is more into it when drinking, I'll give her that. But she may drink 1-2 times a year.

She had a procedure done last year for cellulite. She said it worked. I haven't seen the results of it. That was money well spent.

Sorry to hear you can't share your new boobs


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

As someone who's had a few surgeries to try and please my H, I would not recommend it in the slightest. If she has a disorder such as body dysmorphic disorder, surgery won't even make a dent. She will find something else she doesn't like.

Celluite CANNOT be cured with procedures. It will always come back. Always. It has to do with genetics and the amount of fat she has on her body. She can exercise and eat right - do some dang squats - and THAT over time, will DECREASE the celluite. Depending on her age though, it may never go away completely. 

OP, I don't know what to tell you other than recommending her to get counseling. Otherwise, you will live you life like this and every time she catches you looking at another woman - either while you are out and about, on TV or even in porn, She isn't going to feel good enough. 

This is her issue and she has to fix it. You should lay some boundaries out and say something like: Wife, I think you are drop dead gorgeous. I love you, all of you. Things need to change about your attitude toward yourself. I cannot stand the fact that you don't like yourself and it's starting to affect me. This is serious as my needs aren't being met and it's going to affect our marriage in the long run. 

Maybe not exactly like that, but she has to understand how serious this is for you.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

cashybum said:


> Plastic surgery? Confidence is a huge sex booster. I would love love love to share my new boobs with my husband but he is to busy shopping for a new boat because I made him mad. If she is really that self conscious about it, it might be worth it to save your marriage.
> 
> .....or you could try getting her a little tipsy before hand.


you know, THAT is not a bad idea. Normally i would try to convince the wife with lingerie, playing with her a lot, etc. But a big boob job, where other men will start hitting on her, just might be the ticket.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

murphy5 said:


> you know, THAT is not a bad idea. Normally i would try to convince the wife with lingerie, playing with her a lot, etc. But a big boob job, where other men will start hitting on her, just might be the ticket.


Not be a downer, but do just be a bit cautious.

My ex had body (weight) perception issues. I never, ever once sugested there was anything needed to be changed, always complimented her. Always. I told her she didn't need anymweight loss or to change a thing for me, but would pay/support anythung she wanted if it would make her feel better, because it clearly impacted her self confidence. She finally got into a gym routine and began losing some weight and looking a bit better, after trying every diet and program and pills known to mankind. (but to me the bummer was, she lost it in her boobs too!). And she changed... got not just confident, but almost arrogant in a way I didn't like.

Then she found she liked other people's attention so much, had an affair. Which came first, I'm not sure.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

My wife would never have plastic surgery. But she must have sensed the seriousness of past talks if she went and got $3000 done in celluite treatments. 

In any case, as a husband, how much patience am I suppose to have? Is there a line where enough is enough or would it be selfish of me to want my needs met given her apparent issues.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hurra said:


> My wife would never have plastic surgery. But she must have sensed the seriousness of past talks if she went and got $3000 done in celluite treatments.
> 
> In any case, as a husband, how much patience am I suppose to have? Is there a line where enough is enough or would it be selfish of me to want my needs met given her apparent issues.


Your wife experiences anxiety, real honest fear, at exposing her body and its imperfections. Nearly every woman feels this to some extent at some point in their lives. And it pisses me off because men NEVER experience this as a rule.

It doesn't matter how hot she is, what she looks like, her actual appearance plays no part in her anxiety. When she has a drink or three, the anxiety is greatly lessened and that why she is freer at those times.

As such, you must first understand this isn't something that will go away over night. It will slowly get better if she works on developing realistic expectations of her body. You can encourage and even insist she work on this, but ultimately, the work is hers to do.

Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Psychotherapy, Research, Training

Have your wife read everything on this site.

How to get her to do this?

"Wife, I can't stand the restriction you place on sex because of your anxiety over your 'imaginary body imperfections.' I want you fully participating in our love making. I want you to feel how much I love you and your blessed beautiful body. But you won't be able to do that unless/until you get rid of these absurd notions that your body isn't a beautiful work of art. You WILL read all of this and you will do the exercises in this web site. We will do some together, read some together and some you must do on your own. I will not allow mean comments from your childhood to interfere with loving my wife!"


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hurra said:


> In any case, as a husband, how much patience am I suppose to have? Is there a line where enough is enough or would it be selfish of me to want my needs met given her apparent issues.


This sounds as if you are seeking validation for leaving your wife or having an affair because she isn't able to free her mind enough to have the kind of sex you want.

Buddy, you haven't even begun to scratch the surface of being supportive and encouraging and insisting your wife learn to love herself as much as you love her.

Considering the tone of your question, I think it rather obvious your wife senses your impending rejection and has already begun to be even more restrictive in her sex play.

If I've got your tone wrong, I apologize but caution you that if this is how I read it, it's highly likely this is how she feels it too.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Hurra said:


> *Besides the sex life*, we seem to have a good marriage. *She says she loves me* etc and I love her.


I'm pretty sure you have been blindsided a bit.

What she SAYS does not reflect on what she DOES.

If she really loved you, her actions would speak louder than love. 

She needs to rethink what she is doing wrong in the bedroom.....if the REALLY loves you. Cause clearly you are not happy.

Not saying she doesn't love you, but she needs to act like it.

Intimacy is on top of priority list in just about ANY relationship.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Hurra said:


> My wife would never have plastic surgery. But she must have sensed the seriousness of past talks if she went and got $3000 done in celluite treatments.
> 
> In any case, as a husband, how much patience am I suppose to have? Is there a line where enough is enough or would it be selfish of me to want my needs met given her apparent issues.


She needs to deal with her issues as they HAVE BEEN and ARE causing issues in your marriage (severe issues if you ask me).

It's up to you to determine if you are willing to live with it FOREVER or it's time to put the hammer down and let go.

I would keep trying to stress to her what I wrote in my reply above. Be serious about it. Her denying you her body etc due to her issues is WRONG and causes HUGE issues in your relationship.

ISSUES that you are considering leaving the marriage for.

She needs to know all this/needs a reality check


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

When I finally confronted my wife about our lack of intimacy, I gave her a one page letter with my needs in marriage. Here is part of it - she has body issues also. 

"I need you to be proud of your body. I want you to walk around our bedroom with no clothes on. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Your body is like holding a rose by the stem in the sunshine & slowing turning it. As the light hits it, all the various textures and shades are revealed. I feel I am looking at the same rose when I see you naked."

I have also told her that looking at her naked body is like drinking a long cool drink in thru my eyes & it refreshes me as a drink would.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

anon pink said:


> your wife experiences anxiety, real honest fear, at exposing her body and its imperfections. Nearly every woman feels this to some extent at some point in their lives. And it pisses me off because men never experience this as a rule.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Sounds to me like she has issues that aren't physical. I would imagine as it stands now no matter how much plastic surgery she has she will still feel insecure. I really don't think that is the answer. In fact it could backfire big time. I think we've all seen the photos of plastic surgery that went bad.

I think the answer lies in some counselling on her part.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I think the answer to your basic question is: yes, there is some point at which you have done all you can do and then the burden is on her, and if she's unwilling to change it, you will have to move on for your own sake. 

The problem is knowing that you have done all you can do in the appropriate manner, right? I think what would work for me is for my partner to say "Honey, I really want you to feel better about your body. How can I support you in making that happen?" Somewhere inside of her there is an answer to that and it's a matter of patiently (but unrelentingly) getting her to the point where she can answer the question and then actually do what she asks.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I think there is much more to this than just the other kids at school taunting. I think she is suffering from some psychological issues due to child abuse and maybe more.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

Hurra said:


> She is more into it when drinking, I'll give her that. But she may drink 1-2 times a year.
> 
> She had a procedure done last year for cellulite. She said it worked. I haven't seen the results of it. That was money well spent.
> 
> Sorry to hear you can't share your new boobs


What procedure did she have done for cellulite? I've got a great body, but can't seem to get ride of a bit of cellulite on my ass and thighs. 

Does your wife work out? Maybe see about getting her a personal trainer? Fitness and being active can be a great confidence booster. You and her could work out together!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Body dysmorphic disorder: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA



> Most of us have something we don't like about our appearance — a crooked nose, an uneven smile, or eyes that are too large or too small. And though we may fret about our imperfections, they don’t interfere with our daily lives.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Your wife needs help from a mental health professional. No amount of cellulite treatments or telling her that she is hot will make any difference unless the underlying issue is treated.

Try that before throwing in the towel or cheating. If she won't go, then you have every right to leave the marriage since it is ruining your sex life and she won't do anything about it except spend money for expensive cellulite treatments that improve nothing about her actual perception of herself.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Thanks for the replies. If she is not willing to seek councilling, then yes, why am I sticking around. My first option is to separate, not cheat.

The problems are not just on her appearance but also she doesn't express any physical attraction to me. I have to twist her arm in bed to get her to touch me, she won't give a BJ even with a flavoured condom, she often doesn't even seem interested when having sex as she seems to be just going through the motions.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hurra said:


> Thanks for the replies. If she is not willing to seek councilling, then yes, why am I sticking around. My first option is to separate, not cheat.
> 
> The problems are not just on her appearance but also she doesn't express any physical attraction to me. I have to twist her arm in bed to get her to touch me, she won't give a BJ even with a flavoured condom, she often doesn't even seem interested when having sex as she seems to be just going through the motions.


So you already have checked out and are now seeking validation?

Your wife has some serious inhibitions and anxiety. I don't have any idea what avenues your searched in order to help her but I get the impression not too much.

Well, good luck.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

You have every right to ask to get your needs met. She can also not meet them. 

This is the real decision, are you willing to walk away if she refuses to address them?

I've never faulted my wife for not meeting my needs even though she was trying. I've held her 100% accountable for the ones she wouldn't.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Your wife experiences anxiety, real honest fear, at exposing her body and its imperfections. Nearly every woman feels this to some extent at some point in their lives. And it pisses me off because men NEVER experience this as a rule.


This grates my soul because it's so, so, so untrue. 

You'd be shocked at how many men experience horrifying self image issues, but the major exception is that men are expected to suck it up, or our feelings aren't believed to even exist, therefore we suffer these issues largely in silence.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Hurra said:


> Besides the sex life, we seem to have a good marriage. She says she loves me etc and I love her. Before we married, yes she has issues with her image but she was getting over them and making an effort. For the record she looks great and is quite attractive which makes it even worse. She says kids insulting her as a child and put her in this mindset. End of story; sex only in the dark, half dressed, and I do most of the moving. I proposed helping her somehow and she said it is out of the question. This is the way it is.
> 
> I am attracted to, and desire my wife. But I am not getting what I need. So my question is, if she does have a psychological problem, should I stand by her no matter what? ie, even if she just wants to accept it the way it is? Or am I being selfish that my needs are not being met as a result and make that clear to her (not that I haven't tried in the past)
> 
> Thanks


Hey at least your having sex.

One lady mentioned a great approach to having sex with a lady who needs it to be in the dark.

See if she will allow a candle in the room. This will be low light, but some light. Maybe over time you can get to light.

Let her know her body and sexiness drives you crazy and you just want to see it.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Well I found out my wife has been watching a lot of porn and may be up to something else. So this thread is now a mute point for me.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Hurra said:


> Well I found out my wife has been watching a lot of porn and may be up to something else. So this thread is now a mute point for me.


Uhh Oh................:scratchhead:


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Hurra said:


> Well I found out my wife has been watching a lot of porn and may be up to something else. So this thread is now a mute point for me.


Well for Gods sake don't tell us about it, I'm sure no one here would have any experience to draw on to give you good advice.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Moot.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Moot.


I don't know, he's not talking about it, mute might be the right word for this.

Personally I prefer "moo point".


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## GrannyMildew (Aug 15, 2013)

Hello all. I used to do overnight recoveries for the most prominent plastic surgeons in our Metropolis, as it was a nice break from the hospital, and I made in one night what I could make working 3 -12 hour shifts in critical care.. After seeing the before and after pictures and when the women would come back for their various post op appts., I made a promise to myself that not only is the pain of the larger procedures NOT worth the outcome, but neither is the outcome. What one REALLY expects and what one GETS- are two VERY different things in most cases.

I went to work my shift one night only to find a breast implant patient had coded and died from a pulmonary embolism. All I had to do that night was prepare her body for the coroner and call them to come pick her up. Worst night of my life. Mother of 4 little children who'd never see her again. For what? BOOBS!

One poster who opined that cellulite NEVER goes away- she is right on. It can be lessened for awhile, but then comes back with a vengance- even uglier than before. Women sign disclosures stating this, but it ceases to amaze me when they come back 6 months later and try to blame the doctor when it was explained ad nauseum prior to surgery. They don't hear what they don't want to hear.. Genetics through and through.

The rest, scarring is also genetic so people that get the wide , red, ugly scars, NOTHING will reduce those. Puckering is another. A surgeon can try with all his might but if you are predisposed to "pucker" around the incision, no amount of re- do will take it away. So much of our body shapes, types and where we hold on to fat is GENETIC. Plastic surgeons LOVE women with " insecurities" as it puts mega dollars in their pockets.

Where I live, where bathing suits are the norm as daily wear for many women because of two shorelines of beaches, it is not uncommon for a plastic surgeon to have his humongous main family home near his" office" which is another huge home that has been refurbished into an office/operating room/overnight recovery suite. Then, he has his few plus million dollar home on a white sandy beach where he and the wife will retire. How many other" specialties" do you know of who have that kind of income coming in on a regular basis? I'll answer that for you- NOT even the open heart specialists! No other specialty brings in the dough as a" Plastic" or " Asthetic" surgeon, who earns his cash on the cuts he makes on the bodies of very insecure women. There is a psychiatric condition affecting many women who seek out plastic surgery after surgery. Doctor after doctor. And these guys LOVE these women who come in complaining about Doctor So and So. "Of COURSE I can fix what he did honey!" It IS a real illness for some, that NO amount of cosmetic work will "cure". Not intended to include women or men who are born with disformities, or those who come upon them accidently.

Be wary. Be VERY wary! I wish you well.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Nucking Futs said:


> I don't know, he's not talking about it, mute might be the right word for this.
> 
> Personally I prefer "moo point".


Well I talked about it in another thread. 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/225394-discovered-my-wife-mary-poppins-watches-porn.html


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

well that isn't so bad at all.

but what's the 'up to something else'?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Hurra said:


> Well I talked about it in another thread.
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/225394-discovered-my-wife-mary-poppins-watches-porn.html





Hurra said:


> Well I found out my wife has been watching a lot of porn and *may be up to something else.* So this thread is now a mute point for me.


Nothing in the thread you linked to about her doing something else. There is speculation that she may be chatting on the porn sites but that thread has been dead for a couple of weeks.

So what's the something else? Do you need a link to the evidence gathering thread?

ETA: Understand that we want to help you but you're giving us nothing to work with.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Nucking Futs said:


> Nothing in the thread you linked to about her doing something else. There is speculation that she may be chatting on the porn sites but that thread has been dead for a couple of weeks.
> 
> So what's the something else? Do you need a link to the evidence gathering thread?
> 
> ETA: Understand that we want to help you but you're giving us nothing to work with.


I had reason to believe she may be or had been cheating. Now I learn she watches hard core porn but has hid these desires from me, for perhaps years. I had other leads pointing to cheating but none have proved true. She gives me the bare minimum in bed if I'm lucky to get that and blames her cellulite and what kids said to her when she was a kid which has now given her a complex about her appearance. She also has said there are many aspects of sex she doesn't like. My other thread gets into it. So until I talk to her and I will, I have no idea what is going on with her. Obviously she doesn't want to have sex with me and gives me the bare minimum so I won't complain or leave. And when I'm not around gets on a porn site and pleases herself


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Hurra said:


> I had reason to believe she may be or had been cheating. Now I learn she watches hard core porn but has hid these desires from me, for perhaps years. I had other leads pointing to cheating but none have proved true. She gives me the bare minimum in bed if I'm lucky to get that and blames her cellulite and what kids said to her when she was a kid which has now given her a complex about her appearance. She also has said there are many aspects of sex she doesn't like. My other thread gets into it. So until I talk to her and I will, I have no idea what is going on with her. Obviously she doesn't want to have sex with me and gives me the bare minimum so I won't complain or leave. And when I'm not around gets on a porn site and pleases herself


That's not OK.

But it's also not uncommon. Have you ever had severe body image issues? If not, it can be shocking to what degree they affect your self perception and limit your physical life. It's not unusual for somebody with a healthy sexual drive to avoid sex, due to deep shame and embarrassment about their bodies, and turn to erotica, written or visual, to get off. It's a lost "safer", and far less shameful, to please yourself than open up the body you loathe to be seen and touched by another person.

A lot of people are able to get over it enough to have sex, and some quite fulfilling sexual lives. But trust me, if the issues are deep running enough, on some level the person with these kinds of body images almost never feels truly free and unencumbered in a sexual situation.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

jaquen said:


> That's not OK.
> 
> But it's also not uncommon. Have you ever had severe body image issues? If not, it can be shocking to what degree they affect your self perception and limit your physical life. It's not unusual for somebody with a healthy sexual drive to avoid sex, due to deep shame and embarrassment about their bodies, and turn to erotica, written or visual, to get off. It's a lost "safer", and far less shameful, to please yourself than open up the body you loathe to be seen and touched by another person.
> 
> A lot of people are able to get over it enough to have sex, and some quite fulfilling sexual lives. But trust me, if the issues are deep running enough, on some level the person with these kinds of body images almost never feels truly free and unencumbered in a sexual situation.


OK, fair enough. But why do I need to suffer in this. I've suggested we get help but she refuses. And what does issues with body image have to do with thinking most aspects of sex is disgusting and not wanting to touch her husband hardly at all, basically expressing little to no interest in sex. If she really wanted to be with me, she at least do more than just lie there in the dark with me trying to convince her to touch me. I just now think it's more than just body issues, but issues with me.


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## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Your wife experiences anxiety, real honest fear, at exposing her body and its imperfections. Nearly every woman feels this to some extent at some point in their lives. And it pisses me off because men NEVER experience this as a rule.



Absolute nonsense. Men have anxiety about their physical attributes all the time. When a man dates a woman he does so with the knowledge she has probably slept with between 20-100+ men already and she will be judging every aspect of him, his body, height, weight, penis size and appearance: 

To think this is a woman only problem is completely unrealistic and antiquated.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Hurra said:


> OK, fair enough. But why do I need to suffer in this. I've suggested we get help but she refuses.


You don't _need_ to suffer through anything. If she is abandoning you sexually and refusing help, that, IMO, is strong grounds to end a marriage. 




Hurra said:


> And what does issues with body image have to do with thinking most aspects of sex is disgusting and not wanting to touch her husband hardly at all, basically expressing little to no interest in sex. If she really wanted to be with me, she at least do more than just lie there in the dark with me trying to convince her to touch me. I just now think it's more than just body issues, but issues with me.


I can't say it's not you. Only she would know.

I'm just telling you that this is all pretty typical of people with severe body image problems. It's not unusual for them to claim that they're disgusted with sex and to avoid sexual situations, including getting their partners turned on; it's a lot less humiliating than saying "Look, I feel like 100% cow dung, I hate my body, I hate that I let myself get so out of control, I hate being seen and I hate being touched". It is so possible for somebody with these issues to totally shutdown.

Now does that mean your wife fits this? No. Just offering a possibility. Sometimes if a person hasn't experienced radically low self image problems they can't see how deep they run, and how deeply they can affect sex. I mean there are people who haven't even undressed in front of their spouses for years or even decades, that's how bad it gets.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

cuchulain36 said:


> Absolute nonsense. Men have anxiety about their physical attributes all the time. When a man dates a woman he does so with the knowledge she has probably slept with between 20-100+ men already and she will be judging every aspect of him, his body, height, weight, penis size and appearance:
> 
> To think this is a woman only problem is completely unrealistic and antiquated.


Yes, I respect so much of what Anon Pink says, but on this she is amazingly wrong.

I know from very painful personal history just how wrong she is.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

jaquen said:


> Yes, I respect so much of what Anon Pink says, but on this she is amazingly wrong.
> 
> I know from very painful personal history just how wrong she is.


Well thank you jaguen, but let's not confuse retroactive jealousy and performance anxiety with body image anxiety. 

Body image anxiety is present all the time, no matter the circumstance, no matter the company. Body image anxiety is present when you walk through a restaurant, see a doctor, and especially when your clothing doesn't conceal as much of your body as you would like (summer time and sporting/work out attire)

I said, "men never get this, as a rule." And we all know there are exceptions to every rule...right?



cuchulain36 said:


> Absolute nonsense. Men have anxiety about their physical attributes all the time. When a man dates a woman he does so with the knowledge she has probably slept with between 20-100+ men already and she will be judging every aspect of him, his body, height, weight, penis size and appearance:
> 
> To think this is a woman only problem is completely unrealistic and antiquated.


When a woman dates a man she does so with the knowledge that HE has probably slept with many other woman and that HE will be judging every aspect of her body. 

I never said this was a woman ONLY problem. I said this was a universal issue with all women regarding some aspect of her body at some point in her life.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Body image anxiety is present all the time, no matter the circumstance, no matter the company. Body image anxiety is present when you walk through a restaurant, see a doctor, and especially when your clothing doesn't conceal as much of your body as you would like (summer time and sporting/work out attire) I said, "men never get this, as a rule." And we all know there are exceptions to every rule...right?


And I'm saying that, as a rule, vastly more men deal with it than you can possibly imagine.

Particularly men at the extremes; very overweight, very skinny, or with glaring, taboo issues like "man boobs", which are very prevalent. Hell these issues are becoming so much more pervasive that perfectly "normal" boys and men are walking around with anxieties over their bodies that border on narotic. And that's not even talking about penis size anxiety, which is nearly universal.

The difference between women and men is that women have the socially sanctioned go ahead to talk, ad nauseum, about their body anxieties where men typically do not.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Between a husband and his wife ; a piece of plastic or a body better shaped or a few less cellulites is never a real incentive .

My wife is a very beautiful lady , but now in my eyes the ugliest on earth no matter how what she does , wear or correct; she is a monster .

after 15 years of deprivation ; i don't care about a boob or a nice face ; I miss being with a lovely women , who cares who dare to get out of the borderline of her ego and personality and share with me a decent space of her heart .


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Hurra said:


> Well I found out my wife has been watching a lot of porn and may be up to something else. So this thread is now a mute point for me.


what kind of porn has she been watching. Traditional porn is only about male dominance and involves a degree of degredation.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Zouz said:


> Between a husband and his wife ; a piece of plastic or a body better shaped or a few less cellulites is never a real incentive .
> 
> My wife is a very beautiful lady , but now in my eyes the ugliest on earth no matter how what she does , wear or correct; she is a monster .
> 
> after 15 years of deprivation ; i don't care about a boob or a nice face ;* I miss being with a lovely women , who cares who dare to get out of the borderline of her ego and personality and share with me a decent space of her heart .*


This is the most important insight a wife can understand about her marriage and her husband.

Get out of your head and connect with your spouse. 

So sad for you Zouz.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

jaquen said:


> And I'm saying that, as a rule, vastly more men deal with it than you can possibly imagine.
> 
> Particularly men at the extremes; very overweight, very skinny, or with glaring, taboo issues like "man boobs", which are very prevalent. Hell these issues are becoming so much more pervasive that perfectly "normal" boys and men are walking around with anxieties over their bodies that border on narotic. And that's not even talking about penis size anxiety, which is nearly universal.
> 
> The difference between women and men is that women have the socially sanctioned go ahead to talk, ad nauseum, about their body anxieties where men typically do not.


I don't doubt you jaquen. I don't doubt that there are lots of men who have body dysmorphic disorder. What I doubt is that it is as universal for men as it is for women and across the generations.

I think maybe the body image anxiety is becoming more prevalent with younger men due to social media.

The difference between men and women experiencing anything is that women have the social sanction to identify and discuss ANY and ALL emotions, while men do not.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I doubt is that it is as universal for men as it is for women and across the generations.


I doubt it too. I think it's underestimated among men, but definitely not as universal as with women. 

However, remember, it's this statement I challenged:



Anon Pink said:


> Your wife experiences anxiety, real honest fear, at exposing her body and its imperfections. Nearly every woman feels this to some extent at some point in their lives. *And it pisses me off because men NEVER experience this as a rule.*




I think the number of exceptions obliterate the rule.

I find your further pontifications on the matter to be very much in line with my own views.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

jaquen said:


> I doubt it too. I think it's underestimated among men, but definitely not as universal as with women.
> 
> However, remember, it's this statement I challenged:
> 
> ...



LOL, okay let me put it this way....

How many women worry about their fat ass during doggy style sex? Most. Luckily, most of us also recognize that anxiety for being foolish and dismiss it. But we still feel it and it takes some self talk to dismiss it for the foolishness it is. However some really aren't able to get there and as a result restrict sex positions over foolish body image problems.

How many men worry about their man boobs during a BJ?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> However some really aren't able to get there and as a result restrict sex positions over foolish body image problems.
> 
> How many men worry about their man boobs during a BJ?


As a former man boob sufferer who wouldn't even undress in front of anybody you're not worrying about your man boobs during a BJ.

But you are during an on-top position where the horror of them are potentially hanging in her face.

Or you restrict sex to her-on-top positions to avoid that.

Or you won't even take your shirt off while standing up or in the light.

Or you fight losing an erection because you're so disgusted with yourself if she touches them, or your fat belly, or whatever you're insecure about.

Or talk to a dude with penis anxiety and as how much those thoughts affect how he approaches sex and what he thinks about during sex. If you can get those men to be honest, the feedback is pretty heart breaking.

Yeah, dudes suffer this.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

treyvion said:


> what kind of porn has she been watching. Traditional porn is only about male dominance and involves a degree of degredation.


I've seen regular male/female porn (young woman and older man (40), older MILF and younger man), female solo, and male-female anal. With the anal, it was a BJ, then all anal, then she BJed him again.


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