# Planning to leave…



## F118 (Dec 24, 2021)

I’ve been with my husband for going on 7 years, we’ve been married for 4 years.

I honestly thought he was so special, I loved him so deeply when we first began our journey…during our first year of marriage I got pregnant and he deployed overseas. I found out so many hurtful and disappointing things about him. He was messaging girls sexually while deployed. I even found out later on that he had been doing that for basically most of our relationship… boy was I devastated.
I also found out he was stuck on a ex and was stalking her on social media and other weird things…

He apologized, said he wouldn’t hurt me again.
idk why I stayed, I just knew I loved him and I wanted us to work..well the next couple of years he repeated the same bs. He was being sneaky and lying to me. I left for a few days and returned, and I kind of regret it now.
Most recently, he has reached out to females. He got their numbers and began texting them, wanting to go out on a date or whatever. When I found out he said “I was just trying to feel what we use to have when we first got together” 
It’s funny because 2 months before that incident I expressed to him that I was feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt in my life…and he told me he was sorry and was going to do better, that he needed to do better..

Recently we have been fine, but now I know I can’t stay here with him anymore. I’ve been thinking about it for months… I have started working out, eating healthy, going to grad school and I’ve been thriving in those things…But something has been making me feel down and worthless…
I feel that I should leave and begin this new journey of my life without him. My mental health is so important and if I leave I know I will keep my sanity. I will not have to worry if I matter to him, if I’m enough, or what he will do next. I am not strong enough to endure anymore heartache …

I wonder why I feel so guilty for wanting to leave? I am definitely going to do it. I will not change my mind… Am I wrong? Has anyone else experienced this overwhelming feeling of guilt and the thoughts of what if? Or if this is even the right thing to do?

please leave your thoughts…


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You still love the person you THOUGHT you were marrying. Unfortunately he wasn’t who you thought he was. 
Now you have a choice, you can waste even more of your life or you can move on.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it’s the right thing to do. Your husband is a serial cheater. They say they’ll change but they rarely do. They want the excitement of a new toy without giving up the security of a wife and home. Expect him to make every promise you can think of if you tell him you’re done. That’s what they do. Keeping those promises though is another story. As to guilt — no, I didn’t experience that. Too many wasted years for me to feel that.


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## Indian_Nerd_Dad (Dec 23, 2021)

F118 said:


> I’ve been with my husband for going on 7 years, we’ve been married for 4 years.
> 
> I wonder why I feel so guilty for wanting to leave? I am definitely going to do it. I will not change my mind… Am I wrong? Has anyone else experienced this overwhelming feeling of guilt and the thoughts of what if? Or if this is even the right thing to do?
> 
> please leave your thoughts…


I don't think a good man would treat his wife and child this way (the value system is the same throughout the world). Sounds like you have tried but things have not changed (some people are simply wired differently and cannot change their programming). 

Maybe you feel a guilty because of several factors, such as:

You made a commitment to stay through good & bad when you got married -- going back on your word will make any good person feel guilty.
Religious beliefs?
Social factors -- what will your family or friends think?
Economic factors -- maybe you feel he has financially supported you for this long?
Parental factors -- maybe you feel guilty of robbing your child of good contact with his dad?
Societal factors -- maybe you feel some guilt in ditching a person who is serving your country?
Confusion of feelings -- Mistaking feelings of uncertainty as guilt?
To give you some context -- my wife is proceeding with annulment of our 19-year marriage as she says I neglected and stonewalled her for several years, even though I lovingly disagree (I lost my mom, dad, uncles, best friends in the last traumatic 1.5 years and dealt with trauma differently). But still, I feel super guilty that I let a person whom I love feel this way. Even though I am not the one pushing for annulment, I still feel super guilty and I will feel this way for a while to come.

So I think feeling guilty is part of any separation and any good person would feel guilty, no matter what.


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## F118 (Dec 24, 2021)

Indian_Nerd_Dad said:


> I don't think a good man would treat his wife and child this way (the value system is the same throughout the world). Sounds like you have tried but things have not changed (some people are simply wired differently and cannot change their programming).
> 
> Maybe you feel a guilty because of several factors, such as:
> 
> ...


Thank you for your input!


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Since you know deep down you can’t ever trust him - you should end it. End it knowing he makes promises he doesn’t keep. He’s not honoring you or the marriage.

Asking women for their contact info and searching them out to see them is cause for ending it - especially when he just won’t stop.

He’s constantly betraying you. This kind of guy should always just be single.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

F118 said:


> I’ve been with my husband for going on 7 years, we’ve been married for 4 years.
> 
> I honestly thought he was so special, I loved him so deeply when we first began our journey…during our first year of marriage I got pregnant and he deployed overseas. I found out so many hurtful and disappointing things about him. He was messaging girls sexually while deployed. I even found out later on that he had been doing that for basically most of our relationship… boy was I devastated.
> I also found out he was stuck on a ex and was stalking her on social media and other weird things…
> ...


He is a cheater.... You can do better, you deserve better. That is all there is to say about that....


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