# Office Fling



## LINDSEY1972 (Aug 30, 2009)

I have been married for 15 years and have a 16 year old son.I was employed in the Mortgage Industry out her in California since I was 20.Well as you all know, the housing market took a dive years ago, especially out in my area.

Long story short ,was laid off and out of work for a year with pressure from my husband to find anything.Funny, I have a college degree and J.C. Penny's did not take me.So hey I got hired @ Hooters !! pretty good @ my age of 37......

My H was not so thrilled but the $$ was pretty good.My issue is this,once I started @ Hooters well guys all the time hit on me grabbed me you name it.At first I was just getting disgusted but eventually it started to open my mind up more sexually.Well I took a man up on his offer a week ago to pick me up from work one night and hang out.

We parked his SUV, in a back alley and started to have sex so quickly! I just remember hanging over his back seat face down starring @ my wedding ring while he was doing his thing behind me.I just felt lifeless! and did not even move much, I felt like a freaking ****!! What happened ?? how did I get too this point in my life @ age 37 with a great son and husband.......Was the change of job something I just could not handle coming from a professional corporate world !! I want to tell my H but I'm scared ....


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## Bunny (Aug 23, 2009)

Lindsay, my advise 2 u is" NO, do not tell ur Husband. It would only hurt him, & the trust u have in ur Marriage would be gone. Don't tell him just because you feel quilty...telling him will not take the quilt away. Pray 4 forgiveness & get another job. Make a clean break from Hooters & move on.......Good Luck, Bunny


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## LINDSEY1972 (Aug 30, 2009)

Hi Bunny!
Yes,I was planning on quitting.I'm going to work the month of September and I'm done......I did tell my H I could not stand guys messing with me so he did agree.I have not told him and really think you are right...


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Is there any possible way he could find out. Did anyone see you leave together? If there is a chance, you had better tell him. The risk of this costing you your marriage is far greater if he finds out without you telling him. This will have a major effect on your closeness as a couple. Every time he does something wonderful for you or tells you that he loves you, or says how lucky he is to have you, you will feel awful. After a time, you will have to callous up. And that is an even bigger strain. Eventually you will turn the guilt into anger against him.....Why? Because you would rather push him away then have to deal with the guilt. Tell him. If you don't. Take a mental snapshot of your marriage now and then see what it is like in 6 months. You have no idea of the consequences down the road.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Bunny said:


> Lindsay, my advise 2 u is" NO, do not tell ur Husband. It would only hurt him, & the trust u have in ur Marriage would be gone. Don't tell him just because you feel quilty...telling him will not take the quilt away. Pray 4 forgiveness & get another job. Make a clean break from Hooters & move on.......Good Luck, Bunny


I totally disagree with the above statement.

The longer you wait to tell your H the more its gonna eat away at you. Who's to say he wont find out on his own someday down the road, thats gonna hurt him alot more. It would be easier if he heard it from you. Its better to work through it now, then to wait a few years down the road, its not gonna get any better, its only gonna get worse, trust me, ive been there, only mine wasnt physical, it was emotional. Best of luck to you.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Amberlynn is right. Another thing I want you to consider. Is how much time during the day do you think about what you have done? How much time do you think about it with your husband? Did you know that the time you spend thinking about it or feeling guilty is time that you are being unfaithful to him? It is. You are stealing time from your marriage in thinking about cheating with the other man.


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## LINDSEY1972 (Aug 30, 2009)

As I stated in my posting I could not even enjoy the sex I had with the other man.When the intercourse started, I just felt horrible and was thinking about my H in this guys backseat.I could not wait for this guy to finish up.I have not decided if I should just bury this nite or talk with him about it....


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Bury that night? There is no burying that night. It will touch every aspect of your marriage. Just wait a month or two and see if you will be able to bury it. It doesn't matter whether you enjoyed or not. And it is distinctly the fact that you didn't enjoy that will prey on your mind. This means that your conscience is still working. But wait awhile and as I said. Your conscience will callous over. It has to. Or you will go crazy with guilt and sorrow. And the same way that callous will allow you to continue to keep your secret. It will also spread to other areas of your marriage. It has to. You are making a decision to have a less loving connection between you and your husband. But maybe you will be OK with that.


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## unhappy wife (Aug 30, 2009)

you might of just wanted the flirty part of that night, and not the sex part. whats done is done, if you can live with the secret and you dont think you will be caught they dont say it, but you would need to be very strong because this will pop in and out of your mind alot,i know you know it was wrong, some times you need to risk it all to see what you have,
on the other hand you could come clean and tell her husband that it was all a big mistake, and see can ye work thru it.do you think he would forgive you?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I can't believe the people who think you can just sweep this under a rug and all will be fine.

Well, it's not fine! You really did a stunningly awful thing. You cheated on your husband in the backseat of a car in a alley.

You tossed away your faithfulness for what? Random sex that you say you didn't even enjoy.

You have to seek professional advice to fix this. You have a broken marriage. 

Not only that, did you have unprotected sex that night?

If so, you may have now exposed yourself and your husband to all kinds of STDs. 

Any man that would pick up a Hooters girl and screw her in a parking lot is not a very reliable person at all.

You have to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases right away. Go to a clinic and have it done.

Your husband's health is at risk over this. As is yours.

At some point soon you have to let him know you cheated. Period.

You both are in trouble with your marriage and he deserves to know the truth of the situation.

Not years later, but soon.

And you need to own this decision to cheat. It doesn't matter that you didn't get to enjoy the sex. As if!

Quit the Hooter's job. Your self control is zero.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

LINDSEY1972 said:


> We parked his SUV, in a back alley and started to have sex so quickly! I just remember hanging over his back seat face down starring @ my wedding ring while he was doing his thing behind me.I just felt lifeless! and did not even move much, I felt like a freaking ****!! What happened ?? how did I get too this point in my life @ age 37 with a great son and husband.......Was the change of job something I just could not handle coming from a professional corporate world !! I want to tell my H but I'm scared ....



It sounds to me like you were very flattered to be seen as such a sex object and so sexually desirable.... so much so...
it made you do silly things, even the young and silly women wouldn't do.



geeez, thats a bad thing and situation you got yourself into 

You seem to have lost yourself because your ego was flattered. be glad it was only with one guy in a car ( private) as many women who are in your shoes are videotaped and passed around, sometimes having sex with several men, taped not knowing it and profits made off videos they aren't even aware of.




remember.. you went to work to make money... so you should have your head on straight....
and let the guys think they might get something... you take their money and give them nothing.... but a smile and flattery...
you don't get into cheap sex acts...
you only let them think your dumb and easily trciked, your supposed to be one doing the flattering... to get money from them !
Not the other way around !!!!
where they USE you and make a fool outta YOU !!!

Things to be thankful for:
Good thing you didn't get a job as a stripper... I have a feeling it would have been a much worse sitiuation you'd found yourself in.
You may have ended up gang raped.. robbed and maybe even beaten to death...


get STD tested... and also for hepatitis, which can be sexually transmitted.
I know you feel bad about how low you went 
and the bad situation you got yourself into... 
but be careful. as if you didn't learn your lesson and your bound to repeat it !!!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Her husband is entitled to know. She's getting alot of 2x4s. In the end its her decision. He has the right to know what he is in for. He has the right to know why his wife cries sometimes, or is silent or depressed. I am sure this all started with her talking with her single friends at work. And listening to their exploits. And feeling envious that she couldn't have care free and meaningless sex. So she tried it. Now her world has caved in. She needs counseling.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I feel you should have STD testing and if your without any new diseases, you do not tell him... it would only crush him his wife could do something like that.
I feel the memory you will have of it for life will be enough punishment for you. It would crush your husband... and maybe make him leave you as it wasn't an office affair or office fling, that is much too high class a term to use for backseat sex with someone you dont even know very well.

I mean that in the best way...
just being real about it.. and to the point.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Every person in a marriage deserves to live the truth of their life.

it may crush him, it may not. It could end your marriage.

Who knows for sure?

I do know one thing. despite opinions that this guilt some think is enough of a result, that is not so!

It's not about punishment. It's about respecting your vows of faithfulness. If you screwed up and broke those vows, you can't really get them back without your spouse in on the secret.

Who was this guy anyway? Do you even know his name?

Who else at hooters knows of this?

The truth will come out. This kind of conquest always gets bragged about.

Best your husband hears it from you, not seeing it in the faces of your coworkers at hooters.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

michzz said:


> This kind of conquest always gets bragged about.
> 
> .


funny you see this as a conquest... 
I see it as her making a total fool out of herself, something she is ashamed of ... NOT A CONQUEST.

am I wrong? was this some type of conquest to her to 
realize she is in the backseat of a car with a man who could be giving her a disease and doing so because her ego was so weak, he flattered her to have cheap meaningless sex... most likey
for free... like a free or low cost hooker.

how is that supposed to be a conquest for her?

:scratchhead:

Most women would see it as a conquest to NOT HAVE sex with a guy and get a 100 to 1000 dollar tip by flattering him and his ego... not the other way around.
She is the one who lost... not him.
How is this a conquest for her?


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## Guest (Aug 31, 2009)

Having been through a similar situation, tell him. If I would have found out from someone else it would have probably ended the marriage. Since she came to me we worked it out.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

preso said:


> funny you see this as a conquest...
> I see it as her making a total fool out of herself, something she is ashamed of ... NOT A CONQUEST.
> 
> am I wrong? was this some type of conquest to her to
> ...


NOT a conquest for HER.

One of the regulars maybe at the Hooters, the GUY. Who will then brag about it.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

michzz said:


> NOT a conquest for HER.
> 
> One of the regulars maybe at the Hooters, the GUY. Who will then brag about it.



She could just deny it... I dont see how his bragging could make a difference UNLESS his bragging 
makes her upset/ crumble/ react badly

and she is not in control and level headed... 
proof is she let him flatter her into the backseat of a car...
and make her look bad in her own eyes

ooooooooooooh.. ok

I see your point...yes her husband will find out... won't he? more so in a 
small town.
Lets hope THIS hooters is not in a small town.

Gee, what a mess....
and to add, she will have that memory for a long time 
its very sad.. the whole thing


This is a tough situation for her and would be for anyone,
lets hope she never sees him again...


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Wow, you sold yourself out on this one, didn't you? Your ego got the best of you, im my opinion...since you are 37 and working with girls a lot younger than you. Problem is, you have a heck of a lot more to lose than all of those girls. You son is 16..what if his friends had been there and saw you leave with this guy...or saw you in the alley?


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I think the heat got to much for her. Don't think we'll hear from her again.


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