# Money: His & Hers?



## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

In your marriage, do you each have your own money, or is it all “Ours”. 

Either way, how do you work out differences when it comes to dealing with money?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

We've done it both ways. Started out with the separate accounts we had coming into the marriage, and kept that arrangement for a while. Soon it became obvious that one of us was better at earning the money, the other was better at managing it, so we pooled resources into a joint account. 

Both systems worked pretty much friction free, something I attribute to a shared mentality of overall money management - even though it's one of the great dividers of couples in a relationship, we have never had a single fight about finances in three decades.

The downside of a shared account is no more ability to make surprise gift purchases.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

We have our own jobs, money and bills. It works for us. I make slightly more than he does, but we split things pretty much up the middle. He pays the mortgage, I pay my car loan, he pays both car insurances, I pay both life insurances, I pay the utilities, I pay for everyone's cell phone, he pays for all of our entertainment expenses, I pay for everything kid-related. We both pitch in for Christmas and birthdays for the kids (who are all grown by the way), he buys his parents gifts, I buy mine. When the kids were smaller (we married when my youngest was 7) I took care of pretty much everything for them. He takes care of all house related expenses including major purchases - he paid for the hot tub we bought last year. I pay for groceries, he pays for meals out. He also puts money into savings and I don't, usually. We each have our own credit card and pay that ourselves.

It works pretty well for us, surprisingly. He is far better than I am with money - I tend to spend whatever I have. So he keeps the reins on me


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

My husband deals with all the finances, Basically because i am crap at it all.

We have two accounts, both in his name. His wages gets paid into his account and all bills come out of that one. He deals with all of them..... Phew, were never in debt either.

Then we have another account where other money goes in, this looks after all the food, clothes etc side.

I cant really say whats his, and whats mine, its really OURS.

If we need something we get it...... ( although i do like spending a bit extra on my dresses when we can afford it ).


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

My wife and I do a three way split. We each are supposed to put a equal percentage into our joint accounts foe general spending and savings then the remainders of whatever we make as individuals goes to our personal account to do as we each please with it be it spend or save. 

Unfortunately she is crap with money and basic logical responsibilities so at the moment she has ran her and our accounts dry and is expecting me to pick up the rest of her expenses despite the fact she makes 2 - 3 times what I do a month. 

I respect the couples who can have a only ours financial system were one or both make what ever they do and the financially responsible one runs the budget without fuss, defiance or confrontation from the less responsible one.


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## solvency7 (Jun 15, 2013)

my situation, i work,she works,she gets paid,i get paid,the difference being,i transfer a majority of what i earn into her bank when im paid. i have no issues at all,she buys me thinsg when i need them,if i need money i just ask.

I have no issue doing this, shes better with money,we have three kids,if i kept the money like i used to,id just blow it all the time

whatever works for you,granted id love to keep all the money im paid,but life has to be paid for and shes better with it,makes sure things are paid.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

For all the attention I pay our finances, my wife could have been siphoning money off my paycheck for years into a private Swiss bank account. She pays every bill, handles every transaction, pays off the credit card balance every month, and keeps our credit score at 850 or higher. 

When people ask why I'm still with someone with whom I'm not very sexually compatible, things like this come to mind.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Cletus said:


> We've done it both ways. Started out with the separate accounts we had coming into the marriage, and kept that arrangement for a while. Soon it became obvious that one of us was better at earning the money, the other was better at managing it, so we pooled resources into a joint account.
> 
> Both systems worked pretty much friction free, something I attribute to a shared mentality of overall money management - even though it's one of the great dividers of couples in a relationship, we have never had a single fight about finances in three decades.
> 
> The downside of a shared account is no more ability to make surprise gift purchases.


We're the same as this, except we pooled resources when we tied the knot. I've seen so many ppl who keep separate money ending up in strife. DH and I are very practical regarding finances, and we never have fights about money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

Nothing but "Ours" over here, even before we were married! Mere kids still living with our parents when we met, I started dumping as much of my money as I could into a savings account with only her name on it, so we could buy a house at the same time we married.

To be honest, the his and her money thing always baffled me, but it obviously works for some.



Cletus said:


> we have never had a single fight about finances in three decades.


Same here. I attribute it to both of us being frugal spenders. Now that our home is paid off, we have NO debt at all. The credit cards are paid in full every month.

All large purchases are agreed on, or not bought. Smaller ones are never questioned.



> The downside of a shared account is no more ability to make surprise gift purchases.


If you use a credit card they won't see the charge until after they get the gift. (unless they look on line, but we hardly ever do)


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> To be honest, the his and her money thing always baffled me, but it obviously works for some.


I live it but don't totally agree with the concept. The thing is at this point if we had not agreed to the three way account system we have right now we would be flat broke and in serious financial trouble. 

Because of my first hand experience with financially irresponsible girlfriends in the past I knew full well why setting things up as we did is necessary and at this point I am glad I did. 

If everyone was as open ad trustworthy as we wish they were I don't think that this forum would have any of us here.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Everything is "ours." I think if we had enough extra money, I'd consider each of us having our own "discretionary" account while doing the basics (food, mortgage etc.) jointly. I really don't like questioning each other about discretionary purchases and I wish we each just had a budget for whatever we wanted.


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## blackdog (Dec 18, 2013)

For quite a number of years now we have had a joint account and she has a separate bank account that builds every month with help from a child tax credit. I am hoping that she will surprise me someday with a trip from her savings.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

This is how a H sees it: "Money that both of us make: OUR money".

This is how a W sees it: "Money that he makes: OUR money. Money that I make: MY money."


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

We have one, joint account. It has been that way since we said "I do". Right now, we only have my disability income, but even when he was able to work, it was still considered "ours". The only time it becomes "mine" is if there is some sort of legal reason it needs to be declared as MY income, which it really is. But once it is deposited into OUR account, it is ours. Same applied when he was working. The only reason for separating it according to "his" and "hers" was for legal purposes. But for us? Always "ours".


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

It's ours. We don't do separate accounts except for retirement accounts at work where we don't have any other choice. There have been times in our marriage one of us made much more than the other, but we've always had it as joint checking and joint savings.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

It's always been joined accounts for us...although I am certainly the bean-counter while my wife is the free-spirited spender. It can be really frustrating..and I have been tempted to open my own secret account at times...but my wife has long since got it together, but not after some considerable damage has been already done.


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

We have never had an argument about money (we've been together over a decade). We ended up merging our finances a few months after moving in together (and married a couple years later). 

We don't see money as "his" or "hers," it has always just been "ours" - no matter if it comes via our jobs, gifts, family inheritances, etc. Joint checking account, joint savings account. We are both middle of the road - neither is tight with money but neither is a spendthrift either. We each buy what we want (and don't question the other on purchases) as long as it not something overly expensive - then we discuss it beforehand. 

I would have been offended and resentful if my husband would have suggested maintaining separate accounts after we married, but that's just me. I'm sure other people have their reasons for doing things differently.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Everything is combined and with joint accounts.

We simply refer to one another if we want to make a large purchase. We're usually on the same page so that's not really been an issue; it's more about respect and ensuring we're both good with it. We did have tensions at the beginning as he wasn't great with budgeting. I wouldn't combine accounts until I saw he could handle his own money more responsibly. He wanted to learn, and then over the years, we got to a sweet balance between us with our different approaches.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

We have separate accounts and split the bills. He pays the mortgage, alarm, and his phone; I pay the utilities, cable, my phone, groceries, and all car insurance. I also generally pay when we go to dinner; the splits are fairly equitable, but we don't bean count. I have two boys that I get child support for and he was still supporting his college daughter, who has recently graduated and started working for herself. I never wanted to have to justify what I spent on my boys and if we were pooling money I'd have wanted to be involved in what he gave his daughter. It's worked out better this way, we are both of like mind when it comes to money and we do discuss big purchases. Less than a couple hundred though he does what he wants and I do what I want. He makes a little more than me, but that's going to change because he's older and is pretty much at the ceiling of what he's going to make. My field is very high paying and I'm somewhat new to it, so I have a lot of growth potential. We both know what the other has though and as my kids grow up I can see us combining everything. It's more complicated with second marriages where one or both of you comes on with kids, esp if you don't have kids together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Cletus said:


> For all the attention I pay our finances, my wife could have been siphoning money off my paycheck for years into a private Swiss bank account. She pays every bill, handles every transaction, pays off the credit card balance every month, and keeps our credit score at 850 or higher.


 We are the same...Husband probably hasn't written a check in over 10-15 years....he makes 95% of what our family lives on.. I manage every dime coming in..... he's happy, it's less for him to do..and think about....I balance the check book, do the Cd's.. handle every bill.. I am even a little tighter over him, so he's never worried about me over spending....

I pay every credit card in full..so I can earn some free $$ ($300 a year on our Chase card)... we discuss all larger purchases, there is no surprises...

He finds what he wants on the net, then lets me do all the transactions, I like to use a Virtual credit card (Citibank offers this feature -you get a fake # & it can only be used ONCE - extra security on the net)....

Everything we have is joined owned. We have fought over some things in our marriage but how we handle money has never been one of them. ... We're both geared savers.. we like to have plenty for a Rainy day stashed away.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I used to pay the bills before dh set up automatic bill pay. I used to do the taxes, too, before he decided to go online with them.

Honestly, I love not thinking about finances anymore. It is so relaxing.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

It's ours even though now I'm a SAHM. But out of our budget we each get an allowance. Allowance is for clothes, lunch, hair, and in my case manicure pedicure. I mostly do my own but once in a while I will treat myself. H handles the money and pays the bills because if left up to me I would spend every dime, but I'm getting much better now that I'm not working. 

As far as surprise and gifts for each other, we set aside some from our allowance to give gifts for each other. Any gifts for others we do jointly. 

Being a SAHM now, I hardly even need an allowance because I"m doing my own hair, nails, don't need lunch money, blah blah blah. I'm trying to think of something special to give H for fathers day because I should have a nice stash by then. 

We hardly spend anything on baby since we've had her. Her milk of course I provide, she got about two years worth of clothes at baby shower, as well as stroller, swing, portable bed, crib, etc. All we buy is diapers. We got her books from the Dollar store for Christmas. So now she's just a nice tax deduction!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> We are the same...Husband probably hasn't written a check in over 10-15 years....he makes 95% of what our family lives on.. I manage every dime coming in..... he's happy, it's less for him to do..and think about....I balance the check book, do the Cd's.. handle every bill.. I am even a little tighter over him, so he's never worried about me over spending....
> 
> I pay every credit card in full..so I can earn some free $$ ($300 a year on our Chase card)... we discuss all larger purchases, there is no surprises...
> 
> ...


Honey, is that you?

But seriously, my W is a lot like you: she's great at budgeting and finding the best deals, so I GLADLY let her do the finances. I got peace of mind and $$$ in my pocket!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

We have separate account just from habit I guess. Really though both of our names are actually on both accounts so I'm not sure how much it matters in our case. Also we both have similar beliefs and spending habits. I know she manages money well and she knows I do as well. I we both know how much money is in both accounts as well as our 401ks and roth IRAs.

If she asked me to join our money in one account then I'd do it because nothing would change.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

F-102 said:


> This is how a H sees it: "Money that both of us make: OUR money".
> 
> This is how a W sees it: "Money that he makes: OUR money. Money that I make: MY money."


Shouldn't that be "this is how I see it", "this is how my W sees it", because this may be your world, but it isn't the way it is for all.


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