# Wife moved in with someone shes only known for 2 months



## atomk12 (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi everyone, I found out my wife was seeing someone for 6 weeks and asked her to leave after she told me that she did not want to fix our relationship. She is 44 and he is 50. She is a life student never attained a degree and will probably take another 6 years to get the degree she wants. He is an instructor of sort at a community college. She told me that they are able to talk and she likes him. I am severely hurt by this since we have a 9 year old daughter whom I have custody of and she doesn't seem to be making much effort to gain her back. My 15 year old stepson moved with her and my other stepson 20 year old lives with me. They tell me that he has spoken of getting her a new van, a 4 bdr house, etc, but I have not heard that he's done these things. I have no idea if they are getting along and how loving they are towards each other. I try not to think about it. I love her but she wasnt the best wife. Never very loving, and sex was not one of her priorities and i made due with that. I heard from my stepson who attends college with her that she is starting her old routine again staying at college most of the day, which I used to harp on her about since we had 3 kids and it never seemed right for her to spend so much time as if she were a single student. I dont think this man will like this part of her either, or the fact that she insists on having guys friends that call her to talk. I wonder how long it will take till this guy figures this out.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He'll probably figure it out fairly soon. Affairs usually end pretty quickly once the affair partners depend only on each other. 

But do you want her back? She seems like the type that will cheat again. She also seems to have no desire to be a parent. You and the children might be better off without her.


----------



## atomk12 (Feb 2, 2012)

I appreciate your experienced responses. With all my heart I want her back, but I will never accept her back. I am a strong hearted person and believe in the value of this. I gave all my heart and never cheated or entertained the though of cheating. I feel sorry for her that she made this irrational decision and does not seem to truly care about our children. I am waiting for the day when she calls me with a phrase I will recognize, I have known her for 17 years. I will be able to tell through any phrase she may say. She will start an unusual conversation off topic as if nothing has happened and I will know whats in her heart. At this moment I will have the best feeling knowing that what she did was wrong and she knows it. It is at this moment that I will tell her she can never be with me again and she will finally have to join the fight that we've all been in for years. The fight to survive on our own.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I doubt that the affair will last very long. But this time is going to be so very hard on you. If your intent is to get her back I suggest you read the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harely. I think it would help you handling what you have ahead of you.


----------



## atomk12 (Feb 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I doubt that the affair will last very long. But this time is going to be so very hard on you. If your intent is to get her back I suggest you read the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harely. I think it would help you handling what you have ahead of you.


Do you think that someone like her who always states that once she makes a decision, its final would come back with someone that she claims caused her depression? I like to think its possible, but I feel she's gone forever. I have spoken to this man twice and he's not very smart. I truly feel that he's going to shock her with some kind of behavior thats going to scare her. At this point she will most likely find a way to contact me. The other scenario I think is if I win custody, she may not be able to stay away from our daughter and may want to come back for this reason, she has stated before that she was just with me for the kids. I never understood what I did that was so bad. Her first husband used her for papers, and had her working 2 jobs, going to school and being a mom. I did the opposite and tried everything I could to make her happy. She was very materialistic and I am not a successful person in her eyes.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

atomk12 said:


> Do you think that someone like her who always states that once she makes a decision, its final would come back with someone that she claims caused her depression? I like to think its possible, but I feel she's gone forever.


Oh yes it’s absolutely possible that she comes back. I think I get a feeling for the kind of person she is. She is going to need someone to fall back on when he dumps her, and have no doubt that he will. If you do things right, you will be there for that.
Please do get the book I suggested. It tells you how to make sure she comes back to you. I’m not going to even try it to explain it because the book does it very well…. Much better than I can.

There is a good chance that he’s telling the truth that something in your behavior towards her threw her into a depression. But the affair it completely on her. She made the wrong choice in how she handled the depression. 


atomk12 said:


> I have spoken to this man twice and he's not very smart. I truly feel that he's going to shock her with some kind of behavior thats going to scare her. At this point she will most likely find a way to contact me. The other scenario I think is if I win custody, she may not be able to stay away from our daughter and may want to come back for this reason, she has stated before that she was just with me for the kids. I never understood what I did that was so bad. Her first husband used her for papers, and had her working 2 jobs, going to school and being a mom. I did the opposite and tried everything I could to make her happy. She was very materialistic and I am not a successful person in her eyes.


Well I think you just told me what you did… you did not live up to her expectations of financial support. It’s a huge thing for many women. Does the OM earn more than you do?


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Nothing surprises me anymore as far as affairs are concerned. People are willing to throw away *anything* for that person they've only known for a short time, or even if they haven't actually met them in person or haven't seen in decades.


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

*Never very loving, and sex was not one of her priorities and i made due with that*

And know moved out..

I know this going to be hard.But sometime some things
just have to come to an end.And this one of them..

From your first post.You have trieted her in the
most loving,respecting way posible.
Which i strongly suspect received very little in return back.

If would come back.What do you thin would be diffrent?
I mean,you have already done the best you could.
Love,respect and so on..What else is there you can do

To make her act like a grown up??

But however if you really want her back..
Dont do anything.She will be back by her self..
NO seriously, she will. This "soulmate" has never lasted.
And never will..Read around her,you will see way..

And also. Depression has got nothing to do with this..

Understand that please. Good luck champ


----------



## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I doubt that the affair will last very long. But this time is going to be so very hard on you. If your intent is to get her back I suggest you read the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harely. I think it would help you handling what you have ahead of you.


Wow I read that book and it took two years to get his wife back. I don't know if I could have waited that long...


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

sirdano said:


> Wow I read that book and it took two years to get his wife back. I don't know if I could have waited that long...


If the guy was a doormat before it teaches him to be a REAL doormat. A doormat squared, a doormat par excellence! He could well become a professional doormat and teach others to be just like him.


The whole ethos of the book is wrong and exactly opposite and opposing to the advice given by the vast majority of the guys here on TAM.

Not the least it teaches the DS that they get fantastically rewarded for their grossly abusive behavior.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

AFEH said:


> If the guy was a doormat before it teaches him to be a REAL doormat. A doormat squared, a doormat par excellence! He could well become a professional doormat and teach others to be just like him.
> 
> 
> The whole ethos of the book is wrong and exactly opposite and opposing to the advice given by the vast majority of the guys here on TAM.
> ...


It teaches the BS to become a master rug sweeper. The WS suffers no consequences for their actions and the hurt they've caused.

Isn't this the guy who said he would divorce his own wife if she cheated on him?


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

When I left my ex husband, one of his mistresses moved in 3 days after I left. They eventually married, but he kept on cheating. He's a serial cheater and can not stop. He told my daughter he cheated on his current wife when she was 15. I was less then pleased. My ex has shut her out of their life for good now. He truly disrespects all women, even his own flesh and blood.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Atomk, my greatest fear for you is that she will come back. She exemplifies the word "entitled". Dump her. Move on. You have to much to offer the right woman.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If she goes to the college he teaches at then contact the college - they likely have a policy prohibiting teachers and students having a relationship.

You can hurt the affair by making it very costly for him to continue it.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Have you filed for divorce?


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Run man run..
I know the whole non-reciprocal relationship deal.
Affection, love, initiating intimacy and receiving stiffarm to face..
Its a huge void that no person will ever be able to fill in their life.
But you would run the risk of losing all the good you have to give thinking it was not worthwhile.
I threw a lot of what I knew was good in a relationship out the window just to keep from getting my hopes up and disappointment was a guarantee. 
Let the OM have her. Its the best revenge.


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Don't these relationships have only a 3% success rate?

Buying her a 4 bedroom house and a car after 2 months? on the salary of an instructor at a community college?

please.


----------



## atomk12 (Feb 2, 2012)

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I am a little more sensible today, so I will state some facts about our relationship. 

I were never married through the church, therefore I never filed for divorce.
They do not go to the same college. 
I have no intention on reuniting with her. 
My stepsons who jumped on the bandwagon with her told me he wanted to buy her a van and a 4 bdr house. I have since learned she will not allow him to get her a van, nor pay her bills. He cannot afford to buy a house so he is attempting to rent a house.
I spoke to her this afternoon for the 1st time in a week. She was her usual irrational self and stated that she will not be going to our hearing for custody. She stated I can take our daughter, because she feels our daughter hates her just because our daughter prefers to live with me. I attempted to calm her by telling her that our daughter does not hate her, but she kept reverting back to her point. I believe she wanted to give up and concentrate on school, boyfriend and whatever else.


----------



## atomk12 (Feb 2, 2012)

Complexity said:


> Don't these relationships have only a 3% success rate?
> 
> Buying her a 4 bedroom house and a car after 2 months? on the salary of an instructor at a community college?
> 
> please.


That's what I said. Based off of information from my daughter and stepsons, this guy is apparently a slob. I know the townhomes he lives in. They are a group of run down townhomes in an otherwise nice area. He was single, 50, with a dog. He plays COD on his frickin laptop for christ sake. What does that tell you all? I have spoken with him twice, once when I caught them and I made her put him on to question their intentions, which he denied like a wimp. Second time was last week when he tried to step up (on the phone) and tell me he's making it his business. He then started quoting the same bull**** my ex would tell me. How I have not done anything in 9 years of our relationship, I figure they're referring to materials.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

atomk12 said:


> He plays COD on his frickin laptop for christ sake. What does that tell you all?


Just curious what is this supposed to tell me?


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

atomk12 said:


> That's what I said. Based off of information from my daughter and stepsons, this guy is apparently a slob. I know the townhomes he lives in. They are a group of run down townhomes in an otherwise nice area. He was single, 50, with a dog. He plays COD on his frickin laptop for christ sake. What does that tell you all? I have spoken with him twice, once when I caught them and I made her put him on to question their intentions, which he denied like a wimp. Second time was last week when he tried to step up (on the phone) and tell me he's making it his business. He then started quoting the same bull**** my ex would tell me. How I have not done anything in 9 years of our relationship, I figure they're referring to materials.


It's a classic case of cheating _down_. And a 50 year old slob playing COD? seriously, I wouldn't get depressed over this for one second, you're better off anyway. She'll come crawling back sooner or later.


----------



## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

From the details, its inferred that she is a genre that might have been cheating from a very long time, without the TS knowing about it..even if she comes back, she will continue her habitual ways...

Discern to Decide


----------



## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Just curious what is this supposed to tell me?


I think he is refering to him as a gamer and as most gamers I know focus on playing than interacting with people. E.I not taking a shower, dirty appearance, messy house, etc. 

Can you say she found a WINER!

Heck 

I game but that is only when no one else is around and there is nothing to do. But I do not make it my life. Only just RR to me.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

atomk12 said:


> I spoke to her this afternoon for the 1st time in a week. She was her usual irrational self and stated that she will not be going to our hearing for custody. She stated I can take our daughter, because she feels our daughter hates her just because our daughter prefers to live with me. I attempted to calm her by telling her that our daughter does not hate her, but she kept reverting back to her point. I believe she wanted to give up and concentrate on school, boyfriend and whatever else.


Ok, get it in writing that you have full custody of your daughter.

don't wait - strike while the iron is hot.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Ok, get it in writing that you have full custody of your daughter.
> 
> don't wait - strike while the iron is hot.


Get that done before she has a chance to change her mind and get vindictive. 

COD is Call of Duty, a video game my son plays. I wouls say its a kids game but some would disagree. Playing it on a pc must be weird.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Just curious what is this supposed to tell me?



Call of Duty is a video game that mostly young adult males play hours on end online with a PS3. Basically it's a running around shooting people kind of game. To teens it's cool, to college kids it's a distraction, to twenty somethings it's for the guys who need to grow up, to a 50 year old? well, I'll let you make that decision


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Call of Duty is a video game that mostly young adult males play hours on end online with a PS3. Basically it's a running around shooting people kind of game. To teens it's cool, to college kids it's a distraction, to twenty somethings it's for the guys who need to grow up, to a 50 year old? well, I'll let you make that decision


Now thats the stereotype I thought it was. Even those who grew up in the 70s have indulged in video games, from pong, to space invaders, galaga, etc. I grew up playing football and fishing too. Should I give those up too just because I'm heading toward 50 and *just be the stereotypical old geezer sitting on the couch watching tv or playing checkers?*

BTW, COD WAW Rulez, especially nazi zombies! COD MW2 is the teh bomb, COD BO sux, and COD MW3 is meh. 

But I guess I'm wrong, and should act my age and start being an old geezer and stop bonding with my boys.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Now thats the stereotype I thought it was. Even those who grew up in the 70s have indulged in video games, from pong, to space invaders, galaga, etc. I grew up playing football and fishing too. Should I give those up too just because I'm heading toward 50 and *just be the stereotypical old geezer sitting on the couch watching tv or playing checkers?*
> 
> BTW, COD WAW Rulez, especially nazi zombies! COD MW2 is the teh bomb, COD BO sux, and COD MW3 is meh.
> 
> But I guess I'm wrong, and should act my age and start being an old geezer.



you wanna fight a stereotype about video games be my guest, but you know darn well, a good chunk of people spend waaaayyyyy too much time on these games. I play poker myself and I will not deny that that a good chunk of people spend too much time with it.


----------



## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I can imagine being unfaithful and a lot of other things, maybe even playing COD, but to just walk away from your child? 

Walk away from _her_ and don't look back.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> I can imagine being unfaithful and a lot of other things, maybe even playing COD, but to just walk away from your child?
> 
> Walk away from _her_ and don't look back.


It happens quite often. My buddy's WW is walking away from her 3 boys. Oh, she gets visitation, where she allows them to sleep over twice a week, but usually only once because the younger one is having a hard time and is growing to despise his mother for breaking up their family for nothing, despite my buddy's best efforts to convince them that their mother isnt bad at all.


----------

