# Have more kids?



## MorningRoll

How do you know if you should have e more kids? DH and I both have a son: 9 and 11. We are both 34. My IUD expires in one year. So it’s been on my mind. 

On the one hand, I have the ability to leave the house, no diaper bag or nap schedule in mind. I love the freedom. 

On the other, I wish I had a baby to appreciate all the baby years. To raise a child with a man who I love. My husband says he wants a baby, but then he says he doesn’t know. It changes day by day. How do I know what he wants? What I want?


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## sunsetmist

What are the reasons he changes his mind so much? How long have y'all been married?


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## UpsideDownWorld11

I know what you mean. I have a 10 year old from my previous marriage and about to marry a woman a decade younger with no children. I know I'm on the hook. Restarting that clock kinda scares me.


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## Spicy

I wish I could have a baby with the man I love. If you have the circumstances to provide and care for another child, I would do it if your H is on board. 

I love kids of all ages though, and always wish I had more,


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## BioFury

MorningRoll said:


> How do you know if you should have e more kids? DH and I both have a son: 9 and 11. We are both 34. My IUD expires in one year. So it’s been on my mind.
> 
> On the one hand, I have the ability to leave the house, no diaper bag or nap schedule in mind. I love the freedom.
> 
> On the other, I wish I had a baby to appreciate all the baby years. To raise a child with a man who I love. My husband says he wants a baby, but then he says he doesn’t know. It changes day by day. How do I know what he wants? What I want?


My standard MO is going for long-term happiness, over short-term. Which often means short term suffering.

I would recommend the same to you.

Which option do you think would make you the happiest, in the long run?


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## Mr.Married

Have you seen the price of college ????


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## wilson

MorningRoll said:


> My husband says he wants a baby, but then he says he doesn’t know. It changes day by day. How do I know what he wants? What I want?


I would hold off if he's hesitant. He might just be saying yes to make you happy. If he truly wanted kids, he would not be wavering. I'm sure every parent remembers those awesome times when kids are young, but that doesn't last. Your kids are just about to hit puberty. Pretty soon you are going to enter the start of the roller coaster years of being a parent. 

One risk of having more kids is that the stress could take a toll on your marriage. Regardless of how awesome kids are, they add a lot of stress and time pressure. If you are not totally committed to being a parent, the added stress can build resentment that can come between you two. That's why I recommend being cautious about going forward. If he's not truly onboard with this decision, he may resent the responsibility that comes along with it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

BioFury said:


> My standard MO is going for long-term happiness, over short-term. Which often means short term suffering.
> 
> I would recommend the same to you.
> 
> Which option do you think would make you the happiest, in the long run?


Good answer. 

My answer may be different, but it's only an answer for me.

I'd not, if my existing kids were 10 yrs already.

PS we stopped at two boys. Early in M.

But I have no answer for you, only you and H can decide.


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## Mr. Nail

MorningRoll said:


> How do you know if you should have e more kids? DH and I both have a son: 9 and 11. We are both 34. My IUD expires in one year. So it’s been on my mind.
> 
> On the one hand, I have the ability to leave the house, no diaper bag or nap schedule in mind. I love the freedom.
> 
> On the other, I wish I had a baby to appreciate all the baby years. To raise a child with a man who I love. My husband says he wants a baby, but then he says he doesn’t know. It changes day by day. *How do I know what he wants? What I want?*


open and honest conversation of course.
Some personal thoughts:
2 boys 9 ans 11, what a wonderful age. So many opportunities to learn and grow. 
A new child will be 10 years younger than the boys and essentially a first or only child.
Diaper bag is a 2 year commitment. From my point of view at 53, that's nothing.
3 or 4 children require a bigger car. 
At 34 your biological clock is going off.
I firmly believe that the decision to have children should be made by the parents with no interference from others.


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## MorningRoll

wilson said:


> I would hold off if he's hesitant. He might just be saying yes to make you happy. If he truly wanted kids, he would not be wavering. I'm sure every parent remembers those awesome times when kids are young, but that doesn't last. Your kids are just about to hit puberty. Pretty soon you are going to enter the start of the roller coaster years of being a parent.
> 
> One risk of having more kids is that the stress could take a toll on your marriage. Regardless of how awesome kids are, they add a lot of stress and time pressure. If you are not totally committed to being a parent, the added stress can build resentment that can come between you two. That's why I recommend being cautious about going forward. If he's not truly onboard with this decision, he may resent the responsibility that comes along with it.


The truth is that he only wavers if I point out the cons. He’s told me since day one that if I ended up pregnant, he’d be ecstatic. It’s only after I point out the loss of sleep and stuff that he says he sees me point. I know he’d love to have a baby. It’s me and my neuroses that have baby fever, but also fear the change. I also missed out on so much with my son because of my divorce. I also fear everything that could go wrong and my ability to handle it.


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## Livvie

I've read some of your threads about your marriage dynamics. For those reasons alone I would not have another child.


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## NextTimeAround

As long as you are not assuming that your older children will relieve you of your adult responsibilities as a parent. But boys are lucky that way. Parents don't usually see them as substitutes for paid nannies and housekeepers the way girls are viewed.


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## personofinterest

Livvie said:


> I've read some of your threads about your marriage dynamics. For those reasons alone I would not have another child.


This. You seem to have some issues and conflict in your marriage. Another child will NOT fix it.


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## 3Xnocharm

MorningRoll said:


> How do you know if you should have e more kids? DH and I both have a son: 9 and 11. We are both 34. My IUD expires in one year. So it’s been on my mind.
> 
> On the one hand, I have the ability to leave the house, no diaper bag or nap schedule in mind. I love the freedom.
> 
> On the other,* I wish I had a baby to appreciate all the baby years. *To raise a child with a man who I love. My husband says he wants a baby, but then he says he doesn’t know. It changes day by day. How do I know what he wants? What I want?


THIS is not logical reasoning to have another child. Your youngest is 9, so self sufficient. He can dress himself, go to the bathroom, feed himself, occupy himself. Honestly instead of adding another child into an already not great relationship, I feel you really should go to work.


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