# Future Relationships?



## ImFree (Dec 29, 2011)

I'll start of by saying:
1) This is my first post
2) I am almost divorced... But it has been in the works for well over a year. Custody kept it moving at a snails pace. Just about at the finish line with a 50/50 shared custody split. 
3) Reason for divorce was EX had affair (EA turned to physical, now they are still together). Marriage was not perfect before then, always felt like something was missing.

I am not angry. I'm happy that there is a possibility that my future will include what was missing. The only thing that I'm unhappy about is that I dont get to see my kids 7 days per week anymore. 

So this is my concern. It is about being with someone new. I had a couple of short term "girlfriends" this past 9 months, but have been with the one I am with now for the past 5 months. She is so much more than anyone I have been with in the past. She possesses so much of what I was missing with my EX. Sex is great, going out and just being with her in public is great... I'm very happy. Very. But, I am so not even close to bring up a "L" word. I'm not sure I'll ever say "I love you" to anyone again in my life (as in a relationship). I think this might be the little left-over damage from my past marriage and divorce. Maybe... 

Has anyone had a hard time like this? Is that a word that vanishes out of your vocabulary? Or will it come back some day?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ImFree said:


> She is so much more than anyone I have been with in the past. He possesses so much of what I was missing with my EX. Sex is great, going out and just being with her in public is great... I'm very happy. Very. But, I am so not even close to bring up a "L" word. I'm not sure I'll ever say "I love you" to anyone again in my life (as in a relationship). I think this might be the little left-over damage from my past marriage and divorce. Maybe...
> 
> Has anyone had a hard time like this? Is that a word that vanishes out of your vocabulary? Or will it come back some day?


Well DUH. You are stil processing your divorce so it's not weird/strange at all that you aren't saying the L word to her yet.

Yes, you are prob still recovering from the damage of your divorce/marriage). Of course you will feel the L word again one day, when you're recovered. Life, after all...does go on.

When you are ready to say it, you will.

Sidenote: This is another example why I am not at all for dating before a divorce or even after one. IMO, it's a bad idea.


----------



## ImFree (Dec 29, 2011)

"Sidenote: This is another example why I am not at all for dating before a divorce or even after one. IMO, it's a bad idea"

I'm not sure why you feel that way. I'm sure like everything else in life whats good for someone might not be good for someone else. Without having the relationship I'm in right now I would not be as positive and as happy as I am right now. Other than my concers about lost emotions (just that one involving the "L" word), I'm happier than I've been in 20 years. And I know she (my current GF) has something to do with that. I'm very logical, drama-free, and I actually have my head screwed on just right! lol. This is not a "rebound" relationship. 
Thanks for the advice and response to my question. Looking forward to when all my parts and emotions are back in place.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ImFree said:


> "Sidenote: This is another example why I am not at all for dating before a divorce or even after one. IMO, it's a bad idea"
> 
> I'm not sure why you feel that way.


Because it's how I feel. We all have a certain way of feeling about things and in my personal opinion, it's not a good idea (for me) to get involved with someone else during a divorce or even soon after. Your post just reconfirmed my feelings. See, for me, I know I'm not mentally/emotionally prepped to be involved with someone so soon after a major relationship (marriage) in my life. It's like you said about finding all your "parts." I know that I don't have mine so there is no point in getting into a new relationship. It's not fair to me or the other person. 

You will find all your parts & emotions back in place though. With time.


----------

