# Attitude change



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

Another break from my thread...

Chronological order: Last night my wife went to bed happy. I gave her a foot massage that she enjoyed. She fell asleep, I did some work. Next morning, I woke up at 8am, my wife was getting ready for work and I made sure all was well with my mother-in-law (I have more time to do this most mornings so I've made it clear my wife should do what SHE needs to do for HERSELF). She goes to work, I go to work. It's HOT as hell and I'm usually going here and there for work OUTSIDE in the heat in this concrete jungle on bike. My wife is in an office, air-conditioning in full force (Depending on where she sits during the day it can get a little too cold).

Mid-day I come home to get my MIL's lunch ready and make sure she's taken her meds and is drinking enough water. I head back out and finish the rest of the day.

My wife has an early shift...this means she finishes around 6 or 6.30pm and is usually home by around 7pm. When I get home at 8.30pm after doing some grocery shopping on my way, I notice she's not home. Around 9pm I get a text saying "I just finished, do you mind if I have a drink with co-workers?" I actually don't CARE because I've had such a rough day I can't put it into words (My MIL was trying her best to push my buttons but couldn't...with a lot of me being nice on the outside but wishing she would drop dead on the inside...not a nice feeling to have). So I reply with a simple "Enjoy". About 30 minutes later I get a text "Sorry, I'm with 'name' and 'name'...all ladies. Email you when I go home." 

About 30 minutes later I replied "No worries." Perhaps she miss-interpreted my text. That's why I hate email/texting sometimes. She calls me on her way home and starts with a very pitiful "I'm sorry." And continues to tell me how her boss got mad at her and her team. She said that the boss later told her that he knew SHE was a good worker but had to get angry at everyone since the team wasn't doing well. I was nothing but comforting to her situation and told her to be careful coming home because it sounded busy.

When she got home she was soaking wet. In the 10 minutes it took her to get from work to our nearest station it was pouring rain outside. She walked into the apartment angry as hell. She walked into her mother's beddroom and was angry. She saw her mother hadn't finished her dinner, she threw a temper tantrum of sorts, throwing the utensils from the room to the kitchen. She was just REALLY pissed off...which was very different from the way she sounded on the phone.

I asked her to take a shower, I asked her to sit down. She kept speaking in her native tongue complaining about how everyone around her is making excuse after excuse....I assume she's talking about work mostly, but she included her mother in the whole thing. As quick as she came home she left...I guessed to throw away some trash...but a house rule we have is she's not suppose to leave the apartment at that hour if it can be avoided....she did...I went out to see where she was.

The scenario that went through my mind was that she had gone to the 6th floor, where the OM lives to either confront him, something she wanted to do in the beginning but hasn't done (And hopefully with my feelings in mind, won't). I waited outside, not sure if she had keys on her or not...she walked up the flight of stairs. I didn't notice her shadow until around the 6th floor...coincidence maybe...but when she saw I was watching (She was on the 8th floor by now) she asked me "What?" I responded with "What are you doing?" Implying absolutely nothing except that her attitude was not normal...even for a hard day's work. She replied "I was throwing away trash."

When she got back into the apartment she continued to say things like "I'm nothing." "I feel like I'm nothing at work, at home." "Everyone uses 'because' when they should be accepting blame..." and so on...I sat at the table and listened. I told her that I didn't think she was nothing but limited my speaking to when she spoke negatively about herself, avoiding conflict but making sure she understood I was listening.

After a few short minutes of silence, I saw her head bobbing up and down...she was falling asleep right in front of me. After a few minutes I moved and that woke her up. I told her "You're falling asleep, it's time for bed." She didn't argue and went to bed without a fuss.

That's the long version...the short it: She suddenly got very pissed off, maybe the rain did it, maybe it was work. In any case, her attitude was uncalled for IMO. She made me feel bad, she made my MIL feel bad and she expected both of us to be 'sorry' to a certain degree. While she never got any 'sorry' out of me, I didn't do anything wrong, I worked just as hard...I still listened. She talked about how she has no time to take care of anyone else since she has to take care of her mother...which I found insulting since I'M taking care of her MORE than she is. Perhaps that drink did it...I don't know...I guess I can only hope for some kind of apology tomorrow. She's in dream land now and I'm on here doing work and relieving some stress...


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

You are correct. She was over the top and out of line. Can I ask something?? Do you think she is having some sort of hormonal imbalance? I don't mean her monthly, I mean like a permanent thing. Her moods to change that drastically is really quite odd and I would think that it might be worth investigating. Is she on BC? If she isn't, does she need to be? Honestly, I used BC not for protection, but to even out my mood swings. I have PMDD. I did some counseling to learn to recognize when I am being crazy( lol) and now I don't need the BC, but I sure did to get me back to normal to realize I needed help.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

SA:

No offense but, is there a question or a point to your post? It sounds like she had a bad day and threw a bit of a tantrum. It happens. Why so over-analitical?


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

I agree with kirkster5 SA.

From what I've read through your different threads you seem like a nice and caring guy. I think you truly want to do what's best for your marriage, and your willing to work on it. Honestly though? I think (In my opinion only) you may be doing some more harm right now then good. Let me explain my reasoning.

You seem to over analyze every word, action and physical motion your wife make. You seem to be making yourself a wreck by trying to dig into minutia when sometimes you just need to take a step back. Sometimes we can get so laser focused on a small detail, we loose track of the overall picture.

I can only tell you what I know from what I've read in your threads SA. But honestly, if I were your wife and you were my husband how you are acting would really irritate the living fire out of me. 

I'm not saying this to be mean, rude or hurtful. And, I'm not in your shoes, so honestly I can't truly get a true picture of the actual situation. I'm just telling you what I see from your writing and what I think.


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