# Jealous father, Catty mother, Am I going straight to H ell for calling bull$hit?



## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

I may be going straight to hell for thinking or interpreting my parents behavior but I am disgusted with both of them after many observations of behavior that is what i would consider to be "off" from what it ought to be. 

It seems very apparent to me that my father has been undermining my marriage for many years behind my back when he was discussing things with my wife including recommending to her that she leave me when we had issues that anyone with a lick of interest in our well being and success would have been adamant to stick with it and work it out. 

He has also been what I would consider to be overly "fresh" with my wife and MANY other women where I was embarrassed for him. 

More recently he was giving me names of divorce lawyers when I mistakenly confided in him that I was having some issues with my wife. 

He has always been a control freak and I dont think he wants my wife and I to be supportive of each other because he then cant play his control games as easily. 

More disgusting is I think he has some kind of sickness where he wants to be the secret cause of moves of the chessboard of life where he is manipulating outcomes for his own entertainment and sense of self importance. 

My mother does not take good care of herself despite my parents being multi-millionaires and my wife does despite us being more modestly secure financially. My wife does take good care of herself. My mother is continuously making catty comments about my wife's choices of looking good while my mother goes into public looking shabby enough to look as if she were nearly broke. 

My wife has also taught my daughter self-respect for her appearance and the impression she leave when dressed appropriately for the role of the day such as school, or a conservative event, etc resulting in my daughter being known to be well put together and appropriate. 

I'm not looking to sound like an ungrateful azz but my wife and I and daughter have found mostly happiness in our lives while it appears my parents are annoyed by that because neither of them think we should be due to our "errors" made in their eyes. 

I tried to discuss some of the more ridiculous comments and actions with them but they absolutely just dont get it so I gave up and blow their seemingly self-serving concerns off now and I have always live my life as I see fit without subjecting my self to their controlling nonsense. 

My father always taught me not to take any grief from anyone but that seems to be with the exception of putting up with his shoddy nonsense.

To be fair, my parents and especially my father has been very generous financially and what I believe is emotionally abusive to absolutely everyone he has met at some point in their relationship and very frequently with his loved ones. 

My father recently told me I had to force my daughter to unblock her aunt from facebook or he would deduct $2000 per day from my inheritance. I told him to keep it. No one forces my teenage daughter to share any pictures with anyone if she doesnt want to.

I am happily estranged from my parents at this point and never been happier. 

Is disappointing parental behavior typical or are mine a special brand of crazy?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I'm not sure how common it is. But I've heard it before with older people who have money. Even in my own family, some great grand parents tried to manipulate certain family members with threats of being excluded from their will.

Plenty of money sometimes accustoms people to having total control of anything and everything. If they can't control it, they throw money at it; and it submits.

It sounds like that's what has happened to your father. He's use to being in control, and he views his money as a way of gaining control of things that aren't currently subject to his whims.

As far as your mother making comments about your wife. I see that all the time with older women making comments about younger ones. I don't know if its jealousy, but they find some need to nit-pick, comment on, or belittle younger woman's style of dress, lack of modesty, etc.

And I by no means support immodest clothing, but I don't feel the need to take a jab at everyone who's wearing something I don't think is appropriate.

Edited to add: I would keep your wife away from your parents. Your father more so than you mother. I would also recommend having very open communication between you and your wife about the subjects you raised here.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

In the past ten years or so, my husband has come to the realization that his parents actions have caused arguments between us and tried to undermine our marriage. There's too many incidents to type here but we just don't associate with them like we once did. We really only see them at Christmas and birthdays.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> parents actions tried to undermine our marriage


Any idea what their motive is? 

Are they aware of their own motives?

Are they aware that they are undermining your marriage? 

Is it intentional or do they not even know what they are doing?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

thread the needle said:


> My father recently told me I had to force my daughter to unblock her aunt from facebook or he would deduct $2000 per day from my inheritance. I told him to keep it. No one forces my teenage daughter to share any pictures with anyone if she doesn't want to.
> 
> I am happily estranged from my parents at this point and never been happier.


Just because they're your parents doesn't mean you have to keep a relationship with them. You're learning that, and life will be better moving forward. And no, you're not going to hell for it, lol. And it sounds like the 3 of you make a great family all your own. 

And no, they don't know what they're doing. Most people on this earth never take the time to become introspective like you are; they just operate however they feel like operating, what makes them feel good based on their own FOO stuff. You have managed to rise above your own; be grateful.


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