# Pregnant, Newlywed.. want a divorce. Pls advise



## Bellusion (Jun 18, 2013)

I am posting this as a last resort. I don't know what else to do. I hope you guys/ladies can give me some much needed advice!!

I'm 33. Husband is 31. We've been married for 7 months and I'm now 2 months pregnant.

We've had a LOT of issues every step of the way and I'm not sure why we even stayed together. As you read this, you'll probably think several times "why the heck did she stay with him??". My answer - I don't know!! I love him so much and I don't want a divorce but at this point, I see no other option.

When we first started dating, he lived with a girl and her parents. I had no problem with this, but much later I found out that he had a thing for her, even while we were together. I should have realized because he would go on and on and on about her and yet I never even met her. 

He also was (and still is, but hides it) obsessed with anime. And not the tame kind they show on cartoon network that my 11 year old watches. And he had posters all over his wall of these half naked cartoon characters who looked 15. It was disconcerting.. but something I looked past because everything about him was perfect (I thought). Well, I've since found out that he has had extremely strong crushes on these cartoon characters and has masturbated to them, etc. That's just.. I mean he's 31, not 16? And he once told me, after a fight about it, that I "could never measure up to them" (anime girls).

He goes on and on and on about what he wishes I looked like. He even went so far once to show me a picture of someone (a cartoon character!!) and "joked" about pasting my head on her body. I didn't find it funny. He tells me all the time how he wishes I wore glasses (??), how he wishes I would wear my hair a certain way, dress a certain way, etc. And on top of that, he's always saying things like "I like girls that don't try hard", "I have a thing for girls who wear glasses", etc. I seriously have some major insecurity after all of this.

And he goes on and on about his exes. I know ALL about them, even how great the sex was, and details about it!! Which he would bring up after we had sex and were cuddling!! Sure he's not a virgin, but do I really need to know exactly how his ex orgasmed??? Because I do. I know her breast size. I know their secret name for his penis. And his reasoning is that he loves me so much and he wants me to know everything about him.

He also kept cybersex transcripts with all kinds of women. Kept pictures that he sent to them and that they sent to him. Emails. Etc. Why?

He keeps saying "why are you bringing up the past?" but the thing is, I know all of this because HE brought it up.. and now it's hard to deal with all of this knowledge. I never asked for any of this. HE would bring it up.. on his own. And now, if I want to bring up the fact that I know all of this and try to talk about it, he accuses me of not forgiving his past.

On top of all of this, he's had two emotional affairs. The second was very recent which is what is bringing all of this up.

The first one was an ex-coworker. It had been going on since we first met, but I didn't know about it. He told me he was in love with her (she literally didn't even want people to know she was friends with him, and rarely responded to him). Every morning, and every night, she was the first and last person he would text. Like I said, she rarely even responded to him.. I saw this for myself. He lied about it for months. Then He told me he had "promised her" and they were just friends.. despite, during this conversation, getting jealous because "she never had time for him but had time for everyone else" in my own house. He finally ended it and admitted that it was an emotional affair (I am not sure that's what it was, since she didn't reciprocate).. but I'm still not sure he understands how and why it was wrong.

The second, recent, was with a co-worker at his new job. The first hint of this was when he gave her money and she went and bought him a pack of cigarettes. He went on and on and on about how nice she was, the nicest person he's ever worked with, etc. etc. Um, ok.. I wish I could get even half that amount of praise even though I do 100 times more than she did. Then it started that I was no longer being invited to come to his work (he works at a restaurant). And then he started lying about her being at work when he was. After many arguments, it finally came out that he had a crush on her but that's all it was. I don't know if I believe that or not.. but that's all I can get out of him.

We have sex once a week, and only when I make a big deal about us NOT having sex. I am currently his taxi as he lost his license because he didn't pay a speeding ticket.. and he doesn't respect my time at all. He doesn't ask if I can take him places, he just tells me to take him. He just assumes that I'm always available. Like right now, I'm waiting on a call to go pick him up at work. He should've been off hours ago and I haven't heard from him. Not even a "working late, sorry". I just have to sit here.. and wait. 

I try to talk to him but he doesn't listen to anything. It goes in one ear and out the other. I explain to him that I feel like he's not attracted to me for many, many reasons that I tell him about.. and his answer? "Not true, I am attracted to you". And that's the end of the conversation. Complete dismissal. I get tired of trying to talk so I write him a long text.. and he picks out the one thing that could be taken negative about him and only replies to that. Nothing else. I wrote him a handwritten letter, he didn't read it.

I get voicemails from him where he's talking to me so hatefully and disrespectfully and during the middle of these, he'll stop to talk to someone else and will be so nice and sweet. And it hurts. *I* am his wife.. shouldn't I be the one he talks to nicely and sweetly??

When he's at home, he's always on his phone playing games. Or on the playstation playing games. That's all he ever does. I've begged for date nights and he just responds with "we don't have the money for that".

I don't know what to do. I love him but this isn't a good relationship. But I'm pregnant.. so now I feel trapped. I thought he was so perfect in the beginning.. he showered me with attention and affection and he was just great. But now.. not so much. And it hasn't even been a year.


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

1. separation
2. divorce
3. focus on what is best for the kids
4. next time, take some time before you commit


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

This is ... Wow... Why do you love him? What made you fall in love with him and what made you feel confident that you two could manage a life together?


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Wow! That's a LOT to handle while pregnant! Every thing about him is scary. What are his good traits? I would say counseling but it's only so many issues a counselor can handle at one time.

I really feel for you. I hope you can get some help in resolving your situation. Hopefully someone who has dealt with something this intense can advise you. Just wanted to post to let you know I really feel for what you're going through.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Exceedingly immature and low self esteem. He must keep you in your place by letting you know how great of a catch he is, how he's doing you a favor because you're not really his type, and what a player he is. I would have dumped him ages ago but if you want some fun tell him about the huge c$cks you've had and how you miss that. Give him lots of good stories about every guy that ever bent you over and how it's good you can think about that with him. Watch him, he'll either run off and pout or lose his mind, because he's really a pathetic person with low self esteem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

You don't have to leave him. For good anyhow. Yet.

Believe it or not, he doesn't know his behaviors are a deal-breaker for you. He doesn't know how deep his problems are. 

Print this out for him and hand it to him as you are walking out the door. With a suitcase. With a taxi waiting (or your dad, maybe, to be safe). Tell him to contact you again after he's sought help. REAL help, for his issues. You can't even imagine what a kick in the gut that will be to him (and please don't tell me how you've "told him" until you are blue in the face. I get that). It will either fix him, or you need to leave anyhow.

It's bad. He just has NO IDEA how bad yet. Only one way to let him know how bad it is. Crush his world.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If he wants to grow up, you have a chance. If he doesn't, you don't.

Tell him his behavior is a deal-breaker. And you are ready to walk if you have to.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Um...wow...man-child. BIG time. And now you are stuck with him for the rest of your life because your having his baby. Ugh. The faster you get out of the marriage, the better off you will be.


----------



## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

I'm having a hard time even wrapping my mind around how you could have sex with a "man" obsessed with anime women. That's just weird. Bizarre. 

Why did you marry him? Is there something about him that you found compelling? Something to build on?


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Bellusion said:


> Like right now, I'm waiting on a call to go pick him up at work. He should've been off hours ago and I haven't heard from him. Not even a "working late, sorry". I just have to sit here.. and wait.


No you don't. You only think you do.


----------



## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

RUN................................There is something seriousely wrong with this man and you are in for a ton of missery if you don't get out now.

You didn't say whether your 11 year old is a boy or girl, but I sure hope it is not a girl with an anime body. It would scare the sh*t out of me to leave him alone with my child.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Openminded said:


> Tell him his behavior is a deal-breaker. And you are ready to walk if you have to.


Read my post. You don't "tell him" anything. Time to "do".


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

He's a narcissist and you got love bombed. 

http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/love-bombing-when-its-too-good-to-be-true/


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Our society has to get over what we see as a sexual perversion in finding younger "women" attractive. Anime "porn" is not directed at Paedophiiles. Anime women usually have large breasts, mature hips and otherwise adult female bodies. A billion years worth of evolution has programmed men to be attracted to the female form. There was not a switch built in that set attraction levels to certain ages. Search the internet for pictures of some 14 year old girls that could pass for 25. AND ARE MEANT TO. Society tells me I can't be attracted to them. Nature doesn't. Any man that tells you he's not attracted to Selena Gomez is lying.

How does that sexual attraction graph work? I'm 50 and was accused of being a pervert because I said I thought Fergie was hot. FERGIE, for gods sake. Playboy is as respected as a magazine can be for 35 - 60 year old's, but they flaunt centerfolds that are 18 and 19. Get real, people.

He's attracted to anime "porn". Big deal. Nature has many men attracted to younger women they "shouldn't" be. Nurture tells us not to act on it, or even WANT to act on it. Your man's problem (along with a host of others) is he not only advertises this attraction but rubs it in your face. His attraction to a scantily clad "mature" female form, even animated, is not a perversion. He's got other problems, but that's not one of them.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

It's hard to guess the age of a random cartoon character. Honestly I think that is the least of his issues.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I think he has lost touch with reality. He needs to be evaluated mentally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

diwali123 said:


> It's hard to guess the age of a random cartoon character. Honestly I think that is the least of his issues.


Agreed. That was the point of my post. Most here think that is the greatest of his problems. It is not.


----------



## Bellusion (Jun 18, 2013)

I'm sorry for not responding. I found out, soon after posting that, that the second "emotional affair" was actually physical. And according to him, she looks better, has a better body, is nicer and is better at sex. So.. I didn't come back here, I didn't want to deal with it.

But I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for the replies.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm so sorry. What are you going to do?


----------



## psychedelicately (Jun 11, 2013)

I'm very sorry... this is a lot to deal with while pregnant. 

Do not raise a child with this man. You need to get out... asap.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

MrK said:


> Agreed. That was the point of my post. Most here think that is the greatest of his problems. It is not.


Let's see ... out of 18 posts other than OP, 2 (besides you) mentioned it ... so you seem the most obsessed with it. :rofl:


----------



## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Seriously, there is no reason to stay with this person at all. I can't see one reason to continue being with someone who disrespects you and appears to be so childish at his age. 

Do you have any kind of support system with family or friends? Is there somewhere that you can go when you decide to separate from him? Do you have any money saved?


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

RUN RUN RUN!!!! There is no way on earth I'd want him to be around to be a father to my child. If/when you get a divorce, there should be supervised visits because he is mentally ill.

What in the world could you possibly love about this guy? He's a loser and a user. He's sick in the head. What kind of a sicko would tell his wife about his ex-girlfriend's orgasms right after sex. But the real deal breaker is that he cheated on you and will continue to cheat on you. And just after 7 months of marriage. You had major blinders on when you married him. He is a poor excuse of a husband. He's a poor excuse of a man. He's not a man. He doesn't even have the mentality of a 12 year old. You know why he didn't call when he was running late? He was with his mistress. Save yourself and get out now. You shouldn't endure his assinine behavior for one more day. Let him wonder why his chauffeur didn't pick him up.


----------



## pinktrees11 (Jun 8, 2013)

Leave him as soon as possible before he destroys you completely. Do it for yourself and for your baby.


----------

