# Shower etiquette



## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

I want to ask people what is proper etiquette surrounding showering. Is it ok to peak in on your spouse? Make comments about their body? 

What about sex? Should a spouse just walk in and initiate sex without asking?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

You already know how I feel about your husband. None of what he's doing is okay.

But to answer your questions in my world no it's not okay to peak in on me while I'm showering (knocking and politely asking to join me would be okay) or make comments about my body (flattering ones are okay). It's also not okay to walk in and initiate sex without asking. It's my body and I have ownership over what happens to it and who sees it.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Not enough information.

There is only the etiquette that you establish. In a healthy relationship, one would think that the answer would be 'yes' to both questions.

Presuming that isn't your case, means there are some issues afoot.

Saw some of your other posts. Create some boundaries. If they are consistently ignored, then that says something about your partner.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Shower together, the best!

Eye his body up and down, and tell him he is sexy!

Jump on him and take him, great!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Star said:


> With regards to sex? well if he wants to just walk in an initiate Bring. It. On!!!


But what if you didn't want it? Would it be okay then?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Star said:


> Magnolia, If I didn't want it my hubs is good and just respects that, and doesn't push it at all. However it is pretty rare for me to say no and turn down sex hence my Bring. It. On. answer.


I never reject my husband sex either even though sometimes I am tired or in a bad mood. 

By the same token, he never rejects me sex! 

Etiquette!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Star said:


> Magnolia, If I didn't want it my hubs is good and just respects that, and doesn't push it at all. However it is pretty rare for me to say no and turn down sex hence my Bring. It. On. answer.


I brought this up only because there is more to this story. This man is abusive. Please read her other posts before answering her question. She thinks what he's doing is normal and it's not.

She isn't able to say no to him. Ever.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

Oh I definitely say no to sex now. But he still brings these unwelcome advances. They have calmed down some but if course the comments haven't. 

You are right... I'm not in a healthy relationship and shouldn't apply the answers to my situation. 



magnoliagal said:


> I brought this up only because there is more to this story. This man is abusive. Please read her other posts before answering her question. She thinks what he's doing is normal and it's not.
> 
> She isn't able to say no to him. Ever.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> She isn't able to say no to him. Ever.


:iagree:


That is a real problem. There should be times when someone feels its ok to say no.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> Oh I definitely say no to sex now. But he still brings these unwelcome advances. They have calmed down some but if course the comments haven't.
> 
> You are right... I'm not in a healthy relationship and shouldn't apply the answers to my situation.


I like that you are questioning what's normal but you need to give people a bit of your story when you do it. The part where he's screaming at your son, the part where he has put down your weight when you are very thin, that kind of thing. How about the part where he's lost so much weight that he looks like a boy and expects you to do the same? So when you shower he's being critical not loving.

I mean sure if you have a healthy relationship you probably wouldn't mind his advances but you don't which is why they are a problem.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

In your case NO. There s something really wrong with your Husband.

In my case yes, because I don't see anything wrong with it but my fiance doesn't put me down and is loving and caring.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

crazycat25 said:


> Oh I definitely say no to sex now. But he still brings these unwelcome advances. They have calmed down some but if course the comments haven't.
> 
> You are right... I'm not in a healthy relationship and shouldn't apply the answers to my situation.
> 
> ...


I think you've got the right idea... Since I'm in a healthy relationship, I'd love for my GF to slip into the shower with me and initiate sex. Hasn't happened yet, but I have no doubt that in the right circumstances, either one of us would be up for it. Heck, I love when one of us wakes up in the middle of the night and initiates it, out of a complete sleep. She's welcome to take pictures of me without asking, she's welcome to try new things in the bedroom that push our boundaries. I'd feel very comfortable doing the same things to her.

But many of these things would simply be unacceptable if they weren't done out of love. It all depends on the context of the situation. 

C


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

See that's the thing. My husband isn't doing these things out of spite,.. Intentionally. I think he is doing it because he genuinely wants sex...love. But it's selfish behavior. He's truly not a mean person.. Intentionally. He just doesn't fully understand how his actions make me feel. It's odd because I've told him ... But it's like he just can't get it through his brain. I bet if you asked him... He'd say the shower.. Losing a little weight in your belly.. Comment was meant as a compliment. But I think I've established here... That (thanks to you guys) most people would feel offended.. As I do. 




PBear said:


> I think you've got the right idea... Since I'm in a healthy relationship, I'd love for my GF to slip into the shower with me and initiate sex. Hasn't happened yet, but I have no doubt that in the right circumstances, either one of us would be up for it. Heck, I love when one of us wakes up in the middle of the night and initiates it, out of a complete sleep. She's welcome to take pictures of me without asking, she's welcome to try new things in the bedroom that push our boundaries. I'd feel very comfortable doing the same things to her.
> 
> But many of these things would simply be unacceptable if they weren't done out of love. It all depends on the context of the situation.
> 
> C


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

crazycat25 said:


> See that's the thing. My husband isn't doing these things out of spite,.. Intentionally. I think he is doing it because he genuinely wants sex...love. But it's selfish behavior. He's truly not a mean person.. Intentionally. He just doesn't fully understand how his actions make me feel. It's odd because I've told him ... But it's like he just can't get it through his brain. I bet if you asked him... He'd say the shower.. Losing a little weight in your belly.. Comment was meant as a compliment. But I think I've established here... That (thanks to you guys) most people would feel offended.. As I do.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, if I asked my GF if she wouldn't do something, then I would fully expect that she wouldn't. And likewise... If she said something I said hurt her, I'd be very careful about saying anything related. 

Keep in mind that we're not even in the honeymoon phase... Still just getting to know each other while dating fairly casually. So we're naturally more sensitive to how the other person is feeling, what they might like/dislike, concern about pleasing the other person, etc. While I wish that would stay forever, I suspect that over time, some of that disappears, and we start to take things for granted. And that's where the relationship becomes more work. But maybe that's just my cynical attitude? 

And yes, based on your posts, I would be offended by the stuff going on, and wouldn't tolerate it. I can't imagine any scenario where I would do those things to someone I care about either.

C


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If you think that a marriage is a sexual relationship, then the above is ok. IF you think a marriage is a non sexual relationship, then it would not be ok.


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

My answer is Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've got to go with OP. Wife shows so little positive attention toward me, I naturally cringe when she doesn't. If she stuck her head in the shower - well first off - she wouldn't because then she'd have to blame herself for getting the floor wet and that's never happening. Next, I think the house would have to be on fire for her to interrupt whatever the hell she was doing otherwise. And if the house wasn't on fire, she would be complaining or scolding me about something that simply could not wait to be corrected by She Who Must Be Obeyed. 

It's better off not to have to fight those dragons in the first place.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

For some reason I was thinking in your last post you made you had stated he didn't want sex from you, he just wanted to masterbate, but it was you who was trying to get sex from him but he would reject you. 

You also stated you didn't believe he was intentionally being mean but that you didn't think he truly understood how you feel, even though you have told him. How many times do you have to show him or tell him how you feel before he gets it? Maybe he does get it, he just doesn't want to do what he knows he needs or should do.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

You are right. In The recent months I have really been trying to dismiss the resentment from the past. I have tried to do my obligated weekly sex... But he just wants to masturbate it seems. For example.. The time I woke him up by rubbing his back. He turned over 1 minute later and came immediately. He resists sex but not masturbation (typically). When he would walk into the shower it was his masturbation. Or it was just to "enjoy the view" and comment on my weight... Muscle tone. 

He SAYS he wants sex. But it never happens. If it does he makes a big deal about it



trey69 said:


> For some reason I was thinking in your last post you made you had stated he didn't want sex from you, he just wanted to masterbate, but it was you who was trying to get sex from him but he would reject you.
> 
> You also stated you didn't believe he was intentionally being mean but that you didn't think he truly understood how you feel, even though you have told him. How many times do you have to show him or tell him how you feel before he gets it? Maybe he does get it, he just doesn't want to do what he knows he needs or should do.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I hate when anyone walks in the bathroom while I'm taking a shower. It takes me back to watching Psycho as a child and I get freaked out. I'm not kidding.

I like it when my husband just initiates sex without talking. It turns me on.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Disregarding everything that has been posted here on this topic, this subject is interesting. In my opinion it is important to marriage, and therefore of value to the whole community and not just to the questioner. 

Before going further I need to post a disclaimer. When it come to sexual relationships there is no such thing as normal. I am always very cautious around that word. Your sexual relationship is likely between two people. What is "normal" for both of you, is certainly normal enough. You should not feel any pressure to conform to any group standard.

Having said that, there is evidence to back up the old poem about Jack and Jill who stay together and they always will because they scratch each others backs. The point is physical intimacy (not just sex) leads to emotional intimacy. Those intimacies lead to long term relationships. 

Of course there are exceptions. If it isn't pulling you together, then by all means stop. But, if you can enjoy it, do it.

My advice in general, is that shower etiquette is what you two agree on. Keep the comments positive if you want to be invited back. Intimacy is good for relationships.

M N


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## rppearso (Feb 4, 2011)

My wife has ownership over my body so she can come in when ever she wants and vise versa.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> I want to ask people what is proper etiquette surrounding showering. Is it ok to peak in on your spouse? Make comments about their body?
> 
> What about sex? Should a spouse just walk in and initiate sex without asking?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i would not mind this at all if my h were to do any of what you have asked. Only good comments about my body would only be welcoming. (he has never said anything bad about my body though.)MY H has told me that he loves my body, even though i am not all that happy with it.

I have never once told my H no for sex, EVER.(even if i wasn't in the mood.) Maybe he should return the favor lol.


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## MissLayla1986 (Aug 27, 2010)

crazycat25 said:


> What about sex? Should a spouse just walk in and initiate sex without asking?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've done this before, my husband doesn't mind at all. But that's because he's up for sex almost anytime and has never turned me down. 

My husband has never done it to me, but that's probably because I often shave my legs in the shower and that's not the sexiest thing in the world


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

crazycat25 said:


> I want to ask people what is proper etiquette surrounding showering. Is it ok to peak in on your spouse? Make comments about their body?
> 
> What about sex? Should a spouse just walk in and initiate sex without asking?


Sure it's ok to peak in on me. I say "climb on in and soap me up!" :smthumbup:

About the comments..only if they are positive. That holds true in most cases. 

Problem is my H is 6'5" and most showers aren't great about accommodating both of us. He tends to take up all the hot water but I wouldn't throw him out. I tend to look at showering together as either a prelude to something good or a way to bask in it's glow after it's gone. I like a bubble bath in a jacuzzi even more but that's a very rare event indeed. 

Should a spouse walk in and initiate sex? I say "yes" except when it's time to go to work. That wouldn't work for me. But I shower after work so even then it would be OK.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MissLayla1986 said:


> I've done this before, my husband doesn't mind at all. But that's because he's up for sex almost anytime and has never turned me down.
> 
> My husband has never done it to me, but that's probably because I often shave my legs in the shower and that's not the sexiest thing in the world


How is shaving your legs not sexy?  Especially if you're doing it so they'll be smooth to be touched later? Only problem is if you get caught partway through, and forget to go back...

C


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

I know a couple with 5 kids who say they shower together every morning! I'm always freezing unless I'm under the scalding hot water so I'm not a fan of sharing, but I've never said no


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife rarely takes showers. She's usually in the Jacuzzi reading a book with some candles arrayed on the edge of the tub. Maybe an hour a day with the pumps churning. Then it's another hour or so doing her hair and suchlike. I try to make a mad dash to the shower whenever I can. In and out in about 7 minutes.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Shower together, the best!
> 
> Eye his body up and down, and tell him he is sexy!
> 
> Jump on him and take him, great!


When my husband was unemployed, we showered together all the time. We rarely do so now.
I remember when we were dating and I would spend weekends with him. I will never forget when I was brushing my teeth. Mr.G had his wrists casually hanging over the shower curtain rod and stayed in a sexy pose.....dripping wet. *sigh*


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