# More then meets the eye?



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

OK.well here is goes... 

Its been a while since I've posted. My husband recently started a new job end of Feb or the beginning of March.

At the end of march he started texting a male coworker I'll call him "A". H took A to the er, because he cut his hand on something at work and needed stitches.. OK so no big hairy deal right.. Well I find out that "A" is actually a female, I'll call her "M". My husband is also the night supervisor. He has her number under a males name. Red flag number one

Number 2
They have been texting since, what I assume was the hospital incedent the end of.march. no big deal OK. Why does he have her under a male name in his contacts?

Number 3
Each and every person on the crew has a walkie talkie for communication. He hasn't texted anyone else other then her and they have been calling each other and texting while at work?. 

Number 4
He used to.call me from work (he called once last week). Every time she would.walk into the room he'd say he had to go.

Now I didn't really think much of it at first until I started reading the messages . I put two and two together when It was mentioned an uncle dying in a text. H told me that M's uncle Died and she had to leave work early. So "A" and "M" are the same person.. And what guy talks about not being able to get pregnant!!!!

The text messages dont reveal anything other then they are communicateing frequently. And using personal devices instead of company walkie talkies.

He deleted all texts from "A" but it still shows up in his call log on his phone as a deleted message or deleted call. I can no.longer access messages. 

Am i going nuts here?? Because to me this seems like so much more then meets the eye.. and I'm sure there is alot im missing. slowly piecing things together.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'd have to say that there is a little too much smoke here that your H is going to have to account for!

In the legal community, the axiom is referred to as "probable cause!"

Be rather suspicious! *


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Don't confront until you have solid evidence.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Well you are not going nuts. Here is why : 

He is lying to you about this other Woman. He tries to hide her from you,feels ashamed talking with you in front of her...

They get close to each other because he was there for her when she needed him the most. Took her to the Hospital,listening to her about pregnancy issues... It is easy to keep this kind of relationship because they work together.

This is the start of Emotional Affair. Someone will say wait for more evidence but do you really need more ??? If you let this for another month or two things can only get worse. 

Stay strong.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Looks like they're having AT LEAST an emotional affair. If it's not physical, it will be unless you put a stop to it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Oh Baby,

"A" is at the beginning of the alphabet. The alphabet soup that spells out human interplay.

And "M" is in the middle of the alphabet and in the middle of your marriage.

New and fresh warm feelings and emotions are first spelled out and spoken. They first enter the ear, then the eye and then the...........

You need to pay a visit to Night Shift Mary. Tell Mary to hail another man's s walky-talky ears. 

Copy? Roger... Out.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Be smart said:


> He tries to hide her from you,feels ashamed talking with you in front of her....


Yeah....no.

It's not 'shame' that makes him not want to talk to you on the phone in front of her. He more than likely knows if she hears him talking lovingly to you, it's going to blow whatever chances he has at taking things to the next level with her (if he already hasn't).

Shame has *nothing* to do with it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

In syrupy male parlance it is called cokka-cola-blocking. 

In female parlance it is called Pepssy blocking.

Bust her nose, blocking.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

What is your marriage like overall? He's been at this job about three months and is already cultivating an inappropriate relationship. This is not good, but not entirely surprising if your marriage is already in trouble.

They work together so it will be impossible to set any kind of real boundary about contact between them, short of him leaving the job.

Make no mistake. This has to end. How you go about that is hard to say with so little information.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The only thing "properly" done was taking her to the hospital. Her gabbing and talking "on the way" is to be expected. People talk. He should not have encouraged her to "share" her feelings on anything. 

Somewhere in some future day, he wants to share her love pot.

As a former night shift supervisor, I took my share of people to the ER.

Being salary, my absence affected the companies "bottom line" and productivity the least. Taking another person off the production line to go to the hospital did not make business sense. Your husband's business sense has been overshadowed by horse's ass sense.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Ladybird, do not say anything. Be vigilant and gather information. You do not want your husband to go underground with this budding relationship. This female co-worker is definitely interested as she has informed him that she can't get pregnant! She's sending him a message that she won't be a problem in an intimate relationship.

Keep in mind that he is setting himself up for charges of sexual harassment with this relationship. If his company gets wind of his actions, he is most likely going to be let go as he is new on the job and already making inappropriate relationships with his underlings. Keep posting. You'll get good advice from TAM from those who have been in your shoes.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Yeah....no.
> 
> It's not 'shame' that makes him not want to talk to you on the phone in front of her. He more than likely knows if she hears him talking lovingly to you, it's going to blow whatever chances he has at taking things to the next level with her (if he already hasn't).
> 
> Shame has *nothing* to do with it.


Yes and as with all cheaters, they will tell their affair partners lies about their spouses and their marriages.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

ladybird said:


> OK.well here is goes...
> 
> Its been a while since I've posted. My husband recently started a new job end of Feb or the beginning of March.
> 
> ...


Ladybird,


Can you think of any reason why your husband would have her under a males name in his phone other than he does not want you or anyone else knowing who it is??? Do you have any strange men listed in your contact list under female" names that he does not know about??? You do not need any more red flags, but the question is what do you do.

Workplace affairs are the most difficult to catch and the most difficult to stop because they get to spend 8-12 hours in proximity and you are not there or have no way to be there. So that leaves you with only a few choices

(1) play ostrich and hope that whatever it is does not escalate
(2) go into snooping mode. 

Should you choose option 1, you really can't use any advice. But if you are smart and choose option 2, you can ask the techies on here all about putting a VAR in his car or truck. and sticking a GPS tracker on it. YOU DO NOT MENTION THIS TO HIM. If this little thing is really an affair, you can take it to the bank he is talking to her in that truck and maybe doing more than talking. You will find out in a short time.

Understand, if you say anything directly, he is going to make you think you are nuts and change communication tactics.

now the last thing about gathering "evidence". YOU ARE NOT IN A COURT OF LAW. You get to decide what is enough information. You are the judge and jury. And you have the right to go to an attorney when you reach that point and find out your rights ( not a bad idea anyway).

You also need to make yourself a mental plan on what you will do if this is what it appears it might be. The time to think that through is now, not if you discover something bad and are a mess.

he's not going to tell you anything.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I won't confront. Not until I have solid undeniable proof and even then I may not - I may just pack my bags and walk out with out ever saying a word. 

This isn't my first rodeo with him. Never found anything. The only thing I had were "gut" feelings Hes getting very sloppy


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Our marriage isn't on good terms and hasn't been for a while. He doesn't treat me very well. Things have been going down hill since we had kids (almost 8 years ago) Maybe even before, I just didnt see it. 


To be honest we were very close once, now it's like I'm living with a stranger. I dont know him at all I'm tired of the lies. Can't be man enough to be honest. I hate liars. He is no longer then man I married.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I agree. 

I've taken coworkers to the hospital when they've injured themselves. This in itself isn't a big deal I had to take a male coworker once. I didnt lie about it. I didnt fabricate his gender to make it seem less threatening. I was honest, but there was nothing else going on. I didnt feel I had anything to lie about. 

Him telling me that he had to take a male to the hospital when it was a female. I dont understand why he would lie, if there were nothing to hide. Or delete text messages, he hasn't deleted anyone elses, only hers. Hmmmm��

I have no problem with him having female friends. I never have. However I am not allowed to have male friends. What's good for the goose... I am not a jealous person. If he would have put "M" under her name. I wouldn't have even looked at it, because there would have been nothing to hide.......


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

This is true. I am sure he's told her nothing, but lies about me. Which I dont care really. Its what they do to make themselves look better so she feels sorry for him.. And she Won't question why a married man would have an affair.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I Can not think of any other reason why he would have a female under a males name. Other then the obvious reason of him not wanting me knowing he's associating with her. I just wanted to know who "A" was because I've only heard his name mentioned 2 or 3 times. He no longer talkes about "M" either . he refers to her as "A" when I ask questions . he didnt go to work friday.

He said he got a bunch of text messages from his team, when indeed the only one who was texting him was her. 

The only men I have in my phone are family.

I am going to see if I can recover deleted text messages. I am going to try using it on my phone first to see how it works so I am not having to fumble with directions while doing his. It only takes a few minutes and all I have to do is install the program on my laptop and plug his phone in to it. It also recovers pictures, video, FB messages, WhatsApp messages and several others. 

I have a plan, if this is exactly what it apperars to be. I will be just fine. I won't lose my s%&$. I have already talked to my mom. She thinks its fishy also. I have a place to go if things go south and I am thinking that even if I dont find anything solid me and my kids just may go stay with her and be done with it. 

"M" has a boyfriend. They haven't been together long according to her facebook page, since August 2016. If I find anything incriminating I will forward it to him through Facebook. I feel that he has the right to know and decide what he wants to do with the information given.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I forgot to mention in my original post that she does have a picture of my husband on her Facebook page, it was posted on may 18. How many of you post a picture of your boss on your FB page? I know I never have. Innocent maybe.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

ladybird said:


> I Can not think of any other reason why he would have a female under a males name. Other then the obvious reason of him not wanting me knowing he's associating with her. I just wanted to know who "A" was because I've only heard his name mentioned 2 or 3 times. He no longer talkes about "M" either . he refers to her as "A" when I ask questions . he didnt go to work friday.
> 
> He said he got a bunch of text messages from his team, when indeed the only one who was texting him was her.
> 
> ...



Ladybird,

Looks like you are on top of this and have options. Just leaving if you catch him outright ought to get his attention.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

straightshooter said:


> Ladybird,
> 
> Looks like you are on top of this and have options. Just leaving if you catch him outright ought to get his attention.


 This isn't my first rodeo with him.. A gut feeling isn't proof, unfortunately. This time I am going to do it the right way. He has no idea, I know anything. He thinks he's smooth, probably . Devious possibly.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

ladybird said:


> Our marriage isn't on good terms and hasn't been for a while. He doesn't treat me very well. Things have been going down hill since we had kids (almost 8 years ago) Maybe even before, I just didnt see it.
> 
> 
> To be honest we were very close once, now it's like I'm living with a stranger. I dont know him at all I'm tired of the lies. Can't be man enough to be honest. I hate liars. He is no longer then man I married.


If this is how you feel and it's been getting worse for years, why waste time paying CSI? If he is in fact NOT cheating with her, does that make any real change to the life you live every day? I suggest figuring out what life you want and pursuing it regardless of what he is doing. You don't need proof of an affair to know you are unhappy. Living with a liar is awful regardless of what he/she lies about.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

zookeeper said:


> If this is how you feel and it's been getting worse for years, why waste time paying CSI? If he is in fact NOT cheating with her, does that make any real change to the life you live every day? I suggest figuring out what life you want and pursuing it regardless of what he is doing. You don't need proof of an affair to know you are unhappy. Living with a liar is awful regardless of what he/she lies about.


 I need to know, simple as that. Close that chapter and all the other times i have felt that something was off, but never found anything to support my "Gut" maybe i will actually start listening to it instead of fight it. I am getting to old to be playing games and being lied to. I deserve better then that!

What I want in life are my kids. They are the only ones who really matter. I don't need anyone one in my life to make me happy. Happiness comes from within. I have at least found that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This might be of help to you..................


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> This might be of help to you..................
> 
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


 Thank you, EleGirl. I will continue to read tomorrow


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Looks like they're having AT LEAST an emotional affair. If it's not physical, it will be unless you put a stop to it.


Since they work together I'd bet it's physical already.

As Gus says : EA + proximity = PA. 

He's usually right.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Only 3 messages today. They weren't deleted. Thursday he took the day off. He went out to get ciggerettes he called her about 5 minutes after he left the house. The call only lasted a little over 3 minutes... ???

He did call last night, at 10:49, he received a text message at 11m and he had to go.. 

I am about ready to bust at the seems.. I almost confronted him when he got home. I haven't slept at all. I've been up 24 hours its going to be a very long day.. 

I can't afford a var or a key logger right now.... Ughhhh. This is actually much harder then I thought it would be.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ladybird said:


> I won't confront. Not until I have solid undeniable proof and even then I may not - I may* just pack my bags and walk out with out ever saying a word. *
> 
> This isn't my first rodeo with him. Never found anything. The only thing I had were "gut" feelings Hes getting very sloppy


Works for me....


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ladybird said:


> Only 3 messages today. They weren't deleted. Thursday he took the day off. He went out to get ciggerettes he called her about 5 minutes after he left the house. The call only lasted a little over 3 minutes... ???
> 
> He did call last night, at 10:49, he received a text message at 11m and he had to go..
> 
> ...


I will take your ughhh and raise you two uGGGGGlys.

A VAR at Best Buy will cost you about 65 dollars total, tax included.

The best money ever spent. Take it out of his birthday gift money.

Put the VAR under the seat of his vehicle. Make sure the output volume is off. Test it in your car first. Put in fresh batteries when putting it in his car. Read the instructions or ask us how to work with it. It is not complicated.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

SunCMars said:


> I will take your ughhh and raise you two uGGGGGlys.
> 
> A VAR at Best Buy will cost you about 65 dollars total, tax included.
> 
> ...



I would have gotten a var days ago, if i had the money.. I am going to see what I can do to get one.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

ladybird said:


> Our marriage isn't on good terms and hasn't been for a while. He doesn't treat me very well. Things have been going down hill since we had kids (almost 8 years ago) Maybe even before, I just didnt see it.
> 
> 
> To be honest we were very close once, now it's like I'm living with a stranger. I dont know him at all I'm tired of the lies. Can't be man enough to be honest. I hate liars. He is no longer then man I married.


I'm in the same boat as you and have been for a while now, there are things going on but no real solid evidence of a physical affair. All I can say is keep your eyes open, collect all the evidence you can and either use it to confront him when you have what you need or use it against him after you walk out the door.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

AtMyEnd said:


> I'm in the same boat as you and have been for a while now, there are things going on but no real solid evidence of a physical affair. All I can say is keep your eyes open, collect all the evidence you can and either use it to confront him when you have what you need or use it against him after you walk out the door.



I am sorry . No one should have to deal with this crap!


I have decided that I don't need anymore. I have enough information to know what ever it is thats going on is inappropriate.. I hope I am strong enough to do what I need to do.. Today I tell him he has gotten his wish, I'm moving out...

What I wasn't expecting is the emotional break down I had last night . the flood gates opened and I can't stop. I detatched emotionally, over the last couple of years. I was not expecting it to hurt like this. 20 years of my life wasted. I am very angry , which is something I didnt think would happen.. I thought i was over all this, apparently not. 

If i were an vindictive [email protected]#$& I would call his boss and tell him of their inappropriate behavior. but I dont have much to go on as far as proof and I dont know their policy!

He knows I know. I am really trying to hold it together!! 

You already know what's going on, you feel it. Listen, believe it.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

ladybird said:


> I am sorry . No one should have to deal with this crap!
> 
> 
> I have decided that I don't need anymore. I have enough information to know what ever it is thats going on is inappropriate.. I hope I am strong enough to do what I need to do.. Today I tell him he has gotten his wish, I'm moving out...
> ...


That's kind of the point I'm at, I have more than enough evidence to support the fact that she's had 2 inappropriate relationships but nothing that tells me either were ever physical. And I too look at it as 15 years of my life wasted if I were to walk out the door because of a couple bad years. People detach, they make mistakes and bad decisions, but the hardest decision of them all is deciding on whether or not it's worth trying to fix things before letting them go.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

ladybird said:


> I am sorry . No one should have to deal with this crap!
> 
> 
> I have decided that I don't need anymore. I have enough information to know what ever it is thats going on is inappropriate.. I hope I am strong enough to do what I need to do.. Today I tell him he has gotten his wish, I'm moving out...
> ...


For what it's worth, I think you are looking at this from the healthiest perspective. I see no sense in trying to catch him red handed when you are already so unhappy. This inappropriate relationship is rather irrelevant in my opinion. You are miserable. Take your fate into your own hands.

Good luck to you. Whatever happens, you will be taking control of your life.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

ladybird said:


> I won't confront. Not until I have solid undeniable proof and even then I may not - I may just pack my bags and walk out with out ever saying a word.
> 
> This isn't my first rodeo with him. Never found anything. The only thing I had were "gut" feelings Hes getting very sloppy


Nope, he doesn't care. Don't give him an out. Honestly, if this crosses your line end it. There is NO REASON to have a female under a male hidden name.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Things came to a head Monday, afternoon. I could no longer contain it, I blew up. (Bad way) I didn't want to handle it that way. I was angry, upset and so many other emotions I can't Even begin to describe. 

We fought a while. I was mentally and emotionality drained. Hadn't slept at all the night before. 

He said the only thing he lied about was putting A (males name) instead of M , because he was afraid I'd freak out. I probably wouldn't have, if it was right in front of me, nothing to hide. " She's a friend." But then again I may have.

Hiding her true identity under a males name - It was easy to figure out who this person was just by reading messages. And by what he said about her. There were about 200 messages between march 24th and May 18th, 

After going on for 2 hours..... I expected him to deny, deny, deny and of course I didnt believe him, when he did deny it. I didnt find any thing incriminating. Pictures, video, nothing in text messages to indicate they were more then friends. I pulled up all deleted files including messages from his phone. I did that Tuesday morning. 

Absolutly Nothing!!!!! Zip, zilch, Nada!!! 

There are 3 radios that work. H has one and 2 other co workers have one. She doesn't .. H did mention about a month ago that they are waiting to get new radios. I do remember him saying that half the radios they have, dont work. 

He said do you think I would be sleeping with you and someone else at the same time?

Of course I said yes! He just shook his head. " Even if i wanted to cheat on you, I wouldn't. Half the time it doest work" I'd be too embarrassed! Which is true he does have issues with ED. 

H almost had a heart attack and had to take 2 nitro pills. 

Our relationship has deteriorated over the last 7 years. He doesn't help me, doesn't help with kids, I'm stressed out, depressed, I haven't been sleeping for months (not that I ever did before, but its worse)
I had a mental break down and blew up monday I am still in the mental breakdown. I cant control my emotions one minute I'm fine and the next I'm crying. I cried so much Monday, I was dehydrated.

I actually didn't think I cared anymore. I didn't think he cared anymore - I thought walking out would be easy. I had half my car packed.. we both calmed down enough to talk. 


I have severe trust issue. I always have , but I never realized how bad they were. A lot of them have to do with my ex. I never got over it. I just buried them and never dealt with it. I met h 4 months after it ended with him. h and I's relationship happened rather quickly. He has issues too from his relationship before me. 

You look up trust issues that's me. My biggest fear is to be cheated on. Ive had nightmares about it since the beginning. My dad did it to my mom, my ex did it to me repeatedly. Not only the cheating but there was mental, emotional and psyical abuse ( as a child . I watched as my dad hurt my mom and my ex did the same to me)


We have a lot to work on........ We have a lack of communication. We are talking more.. I dont know if we can make our marriage Work, but if you want something bad enough, anything is possible. We are both going to work on us.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

ladybird said:


> We have a lot to work on........ We have a lack of communication. We are talking more.. I dont know if we can make our marriage Work, but if you want something bad enough, anything is possible. We are both going to work on us.


Many things are not possible no matter how much we want them.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He put a woman in his phone under a man's name so that you would not know they are talking. This is all you need to know. NO ONE does this with good intentions. If everything was all business, he would have her name with her number and would never hide communication from you. 

Has infidelity been an issue before? Because it looks like it is now.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

ladybird said:


> I won't confront. Not until I have solid undeniable proof and even then I may not - I may just pack my bags and walk out with out ever saying a word.
> 
> This isn't my first rodeo with him. Never found anything. The only thing I had were "gut" feelings Hes getting very sloppy


Hey I wish I could have packed my bags and left without saying a word like 20 years ago. Only thing is I would have gotten nailed for abandonment.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> He put a woman in his phone under a man's name so that you would not know they are talking. This is all you need to know. NO ONE does this with good intentions. If everything was all business, he would have her name with her number and would never hide communication from you.
> 
> Has infidelity been an issue before? Because it looks like it is now.


You are absolutly correct. Read my last post


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I know i just posted this update this morning. However


i just found a number in hs phone under I will just say"R" (male name again). He called "R" Sunday may 21st. I didn't recognize the name so i did a google search.. IT doesn't make much sense right now. The number belongs to an ESCORT. He just called the number SUNDAY may 21st. He didn't realize that even though you delete your call history, you can still access it through google. He was late getting home Monday by 45 mins. I am litterly terrified I have an STD or worse

WE have been having sex at least twice a week for months now. I dont know how long this goes back.. I feel like such a fool. I wanted to believe him so bad. 20 YEARS! i am such an [email protected]#$ing idiot! 

This means every time i have felt something was off i was right! each and every time. 

ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT. You will have doubts, you will fight yourself, you will go in a cirlce. You will want to believe Please DONT Its bull****

All the other times i dropped it too easily everytime. I could never find anteing concrete, until now and even this is meh..... It is more then enough for me. I wasn't looking for anything else other then "M"

I have no idea what i am going to do now... I am a stay at home mom. flat broke =( I am totally and completely devestated

I also believe The A/ M what every you want to call her.. I think they have had something going on Since at least April. I just wish i could prove it to send the proof to her boyfriend. Maybe i will send him a message anyway... I knew there was something going on all these years. I am not an idiot! I am very sensitive to vibes that people give off. Our relationship has been off for at least 8 freaking years....... Maybe from the very beginning


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

and since the confront there has been nothing from her. Other then a text saying she wouldn't be in last night.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

ladybird said:


> I know i just posted this update this morning. However
> 
> 
> i just found a number in hs phone under I will just say"R" (male name again). He called "R" Sunday may 21st. I didn't recognize the name so i did a google search.. IT doesn't make much sense right now. The number belongs to an ESCORT. He just called the number SUNDAY may 21st. He didn't realize that even though you delete your call history, you can still access it through google. He was late getting home Monday by 45 mins. I am litterly terrified I have an STD or worse
> ...


Well you have been a member here since 2010, I havent gone through your old threads, but obviously things havent been good for quite some time. Time to get off the merry go round, this is no way to live. 

Reach out to family, can you stay with your parents if he wont leave the home?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

ladybird said:


> and since the confront there has been nothing from her. Other then a text saying she wouldn't be in last night.


Absolutely nothing other then that text saying she wouldn't be in. ! Which I thought odd, because they are "friends" if there was nothing to hide, wouldnt they continue? Smdh.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> Well you have been a member here since 2010, I havent gone through your old threads, but obviously things havent been good for quite some time. Time to get off the merry go round, this is no way to live.
> 
> Reach out to family, can you stay with your parents if he wont leave the home?


Its been going on for at least 8 years, maybe longer. 

I have been a mess the last 8 years. I have been second guessing myself for 8 years. I have no idea how many there were. It doesn't matter.

The escort was from years ago 2010. This entire time its been under my nose.. The conversations I had over heard. It all makes complete sense now. I am sick. I am devistatates. Our children will be devastated. Our oldest will he heart broken and it will break what ever I have left of mine. 

I'm talking the kids to my moms. I dont want to subject them to a repeat of Monday. I will be moving out. All the lies even after he saw how much I was hurting he continued to do it.

I hate to say it, but my step dad died the Sunday after easter. I think this may have been why. So I'd have a place to go..


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I am going to call my Dr to schedule an appointment. I need to make sure I dont have anything


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

How do you get over this? How do you move on? How do you ever trust anyone again? 



I have severe trust issues already....


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I took the kids to my moms house .. So I could.confront him yet again... Of course he denied it. Said it was a guy he used to work with at his last job. Sound familiar? Same thing and the A/M thing

The phone number from his phone matched a number for an escort at this time we weren't having sex at all. His choice, not mine. The phone number is no longer valid . the oldest "Ad" is a year old... 

In 2010, he received a settlement for 90,000 for his shoulder . he blew most of that money on w#$%&. He started changing .. Wasn't as affectionate, stopped having sex, porn, escorts, and god only knows what else. 

He's cold, distant and doesn't Care. I however can't leave . he went ballistic on me today. He was pissed. how dare I find out the truth once and for all. So now I'm nuts and need a psychological evaluation. because I'm the problem. He hasn't done anything, blah blah blah. I know I'm not crazy. I am rational. my mom would tell me if I were!!!!!!

m going to the Dr next week to get pills for depression. I will also get a psychological evaluation done, to by some time. I dont want to put my mom in danger by moving in with her. So probably going to be moving to Seattle. 

I am going to consult with an attorney . to find out what my rights are (again) last time I went was 3 years go. i want to make sure I .following the law and not get charged with kidnappings. My ex was psycho and now my soon to be x husband is. He had me had me fooled and I would have followed him anywhere... 

every thing adds up. he won't admit that he is our marriages end!! Not that it matters of he does


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> He put a woman in his phone under a man's name so that you would not know they are talking. This is all you need to know. NO ONE does this with good intentions. If everything was all business, he would have her name with her number and would never hide communication from you.
> 
> Has infidelity been an issue before? Because it looks like it is now.


And blames her for having to do that too! What a piece of work this man is. DUMP him and run for the hills, he is not your friend, he deliberately hid that and blamed the OP!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ladybird said:


> I took the kids to my moms house .. So I could.confront him yet again... Of course he denied it. Said it was a guy he used to work with at his last job. Sound familiar? Same thing and the A/M thing
> 
> The phone number from his phone matched a number for an escort at this time we weren't having sex at all. His choice, not mine. The phone number is no longer valid . the oldest "Ad" is a year old...
> 
> ...


There is nothing wrong with you at all, many cheaters respond this way, blame you, gaslight you, say you are the crazy one, etc. It is all a smoke screen. No married man has any need to have escort numbers on his phone. Blow up his world, tell his kids (the older ones) exactly what you found and why you are leaving. Tell his family, freinds everyone, let him do damage control. Do it first before he starts rewriting history about you.
I know the gut rarely ever lies, have been there myself many times but no smoking gun, and each day a little bit of you dies more and more. 
It is time to move on, you can do this, you have your children, you have your mother. Get the lawyer, sue your POS H for all you can get if possible, do not make it easy on him.
Do the 180 on him, no contact except through email, no nothing. If his kids want time with him (they may not as he doesn't sound like father of the year). 
It looks like you are getting yourself some counselling, build yourself up strong, you can move on without him, imagine you will be free of the 8 year limbo land when you didn't know whether you were coming or going. This will be freedom for you. Of course you will grieve the marriage, that is natural, let that run its course but I guarantee you in one years time you will be glad you left.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

aine said:


> There is nothing wrong with you at all, many cheaters respond this way, blame you, gaslight you, say you are the crazy one, etc. It is all a smoke screen. No married man has any need to have escort numbers on his phone. Blow up his world, tell his kids (the older ones) exactly what you found and why you are leaving. Tell his family, freinds everyone, let him do damage control. Do it first before he starts rewriting history about you.
> I know the gut rarely ever lies, have been there myself many times but no smoking gun, and each day a little bit of you dies more and more.
> It is time to move on, you can do this, you have your children, you have your mother. Get the lawyer, sue your POS H for all you can get if possible, do not make it easy on him.
> Do the 180 on him, no contact except through email, no nothing. If his kids want time with him (they may not as he doesn't sound like father of the year).
> It looks like you are getting yourself some counselling, build yourself up strong, you can move on without him, imagine you will be free of the 8 year limbo land when you didn't know whether you were coming or going. This will be freedom for you. Of course you will grieve the marriage, that is natural, let that run its course but I guarantee you in one years time you will be glad you left.



Oh hes blame shifting, gaslighting. You have all these men on Facebook. Umm you've never *****ed about it until now. You're a [email protected]#$%.

Married to this man for 20 years and I never would have imagined this, not in a million years could in have thought he would ever do something like this to me, to us. This will meas me up for a very long time if I ever get over it. He was the love of my life. I am.completely shattered. 

He lied about his coworker being male instead of female. What else would he lie about? Everything! His intention was to hide it from me. If it weren't for that I wouldnt have dug. That number has Been sitting under my nose all this time. 

Big slap in the face. He says numbers change, sure but everything fits together. it is not a coincedence. That is way to easy of an excuse. 

I don't know if he's pissed because he finally got caught or that I won't believe his lies.

I know I need to get out. Its a done deal. The best choice isn't always the easiest.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm glad you are making the decision to get out. You have been living like this for WAY too long. He is following the cheater script to a T, almost like he is reading it from a playbook, with the blameshifting and gaslighting and the lies.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Him: "You have male friends on Facebook."
You: "How do you know they are "male friends?"
Him: "Their names."
You: "Yes, their ACTUAL NAMES OUT IN THE OPEN and not Hidden, unlike you."

I always enjoy the false equivalence which always crops up with cheaters.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ladybird said:


> Absolutely nothing other then that text saying she wouldn't be in. ! Which I thought odd, because they are "friends" if there was nothing to hide, wouldnt they continue? Smdh.


He bought her a burner phone.

Are you in the states? Go to your nearest United Way office and ask them if they can help you get a free consultation with a lawyer so you will know your options. You say you're broke, but the truth is, if you have kids with him, most of his money is YOURS at this point because if you divorce and you're a SAHM, he's legally required to pay for his own damn kids. He'll have to go rent a room from somebody. You'll have to get a job or start training so you can get a job. But you will have money once the lawyer sets it up.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ladybird said:


> I don't want to put my mom in danger by moving in with her. So probably going to be moving to Seattle.


Why do you say this? Has he been violent?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am so glad you're getting out. Please take care of yourself - be sure to eat and stay active. Time is what gets you over something like this - time and distance.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm glad you are making the decision to get out. You have been living like this for WAY too long. He is following the cheater script to a T, almost like he is reading it from a playbook, with the blameshifting and gaslighting and the lies.


 He goes on the defensive immediately. He's so convinced he's not lying ... Even if that number wasn't the escort at the time he added it, its too much of a coincidence, for it to not be anything else. Especially after the 3 conversations I over heard, I can't forget them. That is what started all this 7 years

I asked for his cell phone logs from his service Provider, in 2010 He lied about how much it would cost. He said it would have cost almost $100.00 to get them. Later I called his service provider. They were 35.00! Another .

He called me at midnight - trying to "work" things out. Once I told him not going to happen. He went off. Called me all.sorts of names brought up the male Facebook friends. That I must be screwing everyone because I'm a *****! Blame shift. Well at least they aren't under a female name. Nothing to hid
He can go through my phone. I have never had anything to hide. 

I've also found couple hook up sites on his phone too, but I never brought those up, its pointless. He will make up an excuse. I know he's lying. He knows he's lying and instead of just coming out with it, he continues to LIE!!

He took his phone to bed with him ...


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

turnera said:


> Why do you say this? Has he been violent?


 There is a potential for him yo be violent. He's hit me before. Last time was 3 years ago. I was holding our 6 month old daughter when he did. He came at me yesterday while we were fighting. If it weren't for his brother getting in his way. I dont know what he would have done..


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

ladybird said:


> There is a potential for him yo be violent. He's hit me before. Last time was 3 years ago. I was holding our 6 month old daughter when he did. He came at me yesterday while we were fighting. If it weren't for his brother getting in his way. I dont know what he would have done..


OK this puts a more dire spin on things. You need to really get out asap. You said you're seeing a lawyer - when? Can you go to a shelter or something in the meantime?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Be ready - mentally - to dial 911, ok? None of this 'he's the father of my child' or 'his family will hate me' stuff. If he makes you afraid, CALL 911. Let THEM deal with his anger. And the first time he threatens you, go immediately to the police station and file a report. You need to create a record of attempts before they'll be able to do anything, outside of an actual assault. Build that record.


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## Finwe (Nov 5, 2015)

I don't think I have heard of an EA, at least they never make it to TAM.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

ladybird said:


> OK.well here is goes...
> 
> Its been a while since I've posted. My husband recently started a new job end of Feb or the beginning of March.
> 
> ...




No ur not nuts. If he is hiding things he knows it's wrong. Something's going on, if he hasn't cheated he's going to. Confront him, don't brush it off!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

Girl get out of there. Marriage doesn't sound viable. My first marriage it took four affairs before I caught him red handed, or should I say naked on a couch with my ugly ass "friend". One ice bucket of water and a bag of his clothes on the front lawn later, I am happy as hell and he is with a low life psycho and can't pay his bills. Don't wait for solid proof, if he's hiding crap, there's something going on. Finding those deleted texts and pics would be amazing to throw in his face though. If he has an iPhone use the find my iPhone app. I use it to keep track of my eldest daughter, but look at see exactly where he is at work. He thinks it's funny, he works for a railroad and I can tell which track he is working on, it's that precise!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Calm down, no more arguing, get your things in order and run. He hit you and you remained for three years? No, he feels he put you in your place and you will never leave.
Be safe for yourself and your child, but get the hell out.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

ladybird said:


> I know i just posted this update this morning. However
> 
> 
> i just found a number in hs phone under I will just say"R" (male name again). He called "R" Sunday may 21st. I didn't recognize the name so i did a google search.. IT doesn't make much sense right now. The number belongs to an ESCORT. He just called the number SUNDAY may 21st. He didn't realize that even though you delete your call history, you can still access it through google. He was late getting home Monday by 45 mins. I am litterly terrified I have an STD or worse
> ...




Yes out out out!!! Get tested for STDs get a divorce attorney and make sure u get alimony. Stay with family til u get on ur feet. It's scary I know! I've been there myself. But u cannot stay in this situation. And yeah tell the ****s boyfriend allllllll about it!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I'm still here!!!! I'm still digging. But now he's hiding everything ! He has chat apps on his phone like go sms pro. Yahoo email app. They were not currently installed on his phone. when I looked last night they were in his google library just not installed. They weren't in his google library before .. He just wiped his phone Saturday "to make me feel bette"r..- but has almost 10 gigs of crap on his phone already? Hmm

His phone vibrated in his pocket when he was laying down with me this morning . he never has his phone on vibrate!!!


We've had sex every night since confront. I find that very odd. We've never had sex that much, not since we first got together.. We average 1-2 times a week!!

I know he's not being honest with me. I know something is going on. I'm not an idiot, but I've hit a dead end. He's covering his tracks. And I do remember him saying that if he were cheating I wouldn't find anything.. I took that as a challenge . Right now he thinks things are ok, since yesterday was the first day in almost a week I haven't lost it. 

I do have a drs appointment on Wednesday to get on antidepressants maybe I'll be able to function. I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping. I've lost 13 pounds since in a week... I'm going to talk to my Dr about a referral to counseling. And maybe a psyche eval ( yes I know I'm not crazy, but I sure feel like I am)

Nothing adds up. 


I will keep you all updated.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

1) You need to get tested for STD's. Do that on Wednesday.
2) STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM. God only knows what he's giving you!!
3) He will get violent with you if you actually do find evidence. Pack a bag and keep it somewhere so you can grab it and go - or just GO. Get to a shelter if he even hints at hitting you
4) What steps are you taking to get evidence? Personally I think it's a waste of time, but since you seem to need it, you need to have a plan


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> 1) You need to get tested for STD's. Do that on Wednesday.
> 2) STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM. God only knows what he's giving you!!
> 3) He will get violent with you if you actually do find evidence. Pack a bag and keep it somewhere so you can grab it and go - or just GO. Get to a shelter if he even hints at hitting you
> 4) What steps are you taking to get evidence? Personally I think it's a waste of time, but since you seem to need it, you need to have a plan


If i stop having sex with him, he will know something is up. 

Not much on his phone as of now. Since he wiped it Saturday, but there are chat apps in his google library that weren't there before. 

I dont really have a plan other then installing a key logger on his phone. That may turn up something. I just dont want him finding it. I've hit a dead end. He will not leave anything on his phone, so I can find it. 

god I feel like a paranoid psycho.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

So you're risking an STD in order to not tip off your serial cheater husband that you know he's a serial cheater? Doesn't that sound a bit crazy? 

You know what you need to know. Anything else is just delay tactics because you don't want to do what you know you need to do.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ladybird said:


> If i stop having sex with him, he will know something is up.


Why not just say this doesn't feel right - we had an issue with you and women and now you want sex 24/7? I need a break.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You're looking for excuses to stay. You don't want to believe what the evidence says, so you're looking for ways to avoid what you know you need to do.

How is that working out for you??


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

ladybird said:


> god I feel like a paranoid psycho.


This right here should tell you how badly your thinking is skewed. Every single poster on here has said you are NOT paranoid. Your HUSBAND is doing this to you.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> So you're risking an STD in order to not tip off your serial cheater husband that you know he's a serial cheater? Doesn't that sound a bit crazy?
> 
> You know what you need to know. Anything else is just delay tactics because you don't want to do what you know you need to do.


QFT.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> You're looking for excuses to stay. You don't want to believe what the evidence says, so you're looking for ways to avoid what you know you need to do.
> 
> How is that working out for you??


 I .not looking for an excuse to stay. I am.looking for what I've Been looking for the past 7 years. Getting close, but I stuck with a crappy key logger, that doesnt really tell me anything . 

Finding the smoking gun, there will be absolutely no doubt about what's going on. 20 years isn't that easy for me to.walk.away from.with out it.. Sure I know, but I dont want to have any doubt whatsoever.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> This right here should tell you how badly your thinking is skewed. Every single poster on here has said you are NOT paranoid. Your HUSBAND is doing this to you.


I know I'm not paranoid, crazy... I do have a plan and I am.working on it. Just need another day or two and the cat should be out of the bag -

My thinking isn't really skewed. I know exactly what I'm doing. .


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ladybird said:


> I know I'm not paranoid, crazy... I do have a plan and I am.working on it. Just need another day or two and the cat should be out of the bag -
> 
> My thinking isn't really skewed. I know exactly what I'm doing. .


I hope you find what you are looking for, but honestly don't you have enough evidence. If you just go and file for divorce and get it over with, why prolong your agony. If you are so convinced (and you seem to be) that he is/has cheated why hang around for that 100% proof? I dont get this. 
Will it help you in the divorce?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Give me some credit, guys!

20 years is a long time to just walk away with out a smoking gun. I need to do so with out a doubt. It will be easier for me to walk out and not wonder what if. I need this for me. 

I have installed a key logger on his phone, but its a crappy one and doesnt show anything other then texts/ calls to and from. GPS location and used apps. Doesn't really do me any good. No email, no Facebook, WhatsApp none of it. I have determined that it has gone to a texting app so it won't show up on his logs. 

I am Uninstalling the current key logger and buying a better one. That will tell me what I need to know. 

Yes I know he is lying, yea I know he is making me feel paranoid (I'm not) I know he's cake eating. What he doesn't realize is he is not a very good liar! 

He thinks I bought all the bull**** and we are hunky dory. 

Sure, I want to be wrong, but honestly I dont think I am wrong, or have ever been wrong, when I've felt like this. 

I need to do this for me! No matter how much it hurts. I need too


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

ladybird said:


> More than meets the eye?


Damn.... Thought this was going to be a Transformers discussion thread. 

:frown2:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ladybird said:


> I .not looking for an excuse to stay. I am.looking for what I've Been looking for the past 7 years. Getting close, but I stuck with a crappy key logger, that doesnt really tell me anything .
> 
> Finding the smoking gun, there will be absolutely no doubt about what's going on. 20 years isn't that easy for me to.walk.away from.with out it.. Sure I know, but I dont want to have any doubt whatsoever.


Then pay for a PI to follow him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you REALLY need more evidence then GET IT. Don't just wait for it to fall in your lap.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

turnera said:


> Then pay for a PI to follow him.


I would, but that costs money and I have none


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> If you REALLY need more evidence then GET IT. Don't just wait for it to fall in your lap.


 I am getting it. I have a key logger installed on his phone, installing a different one today. The one on there now is crap


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I ask again - what is your plan?? You don't have one. You refuse to stop having sex with him. You refuse to spend money finding out what you say you need to know. You say you can't find out what you need to know because he deletes everything.

So where does that leave you????? It's unanimous that he's cheating, that he's a bastard, that you are wasting your time with him. So WHAT is your plan??


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

We were posting at the same time.

The keylogger is a start - what else?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you know he's going somewhere and you're suspicious about it, ask a friend to follow him, or try to follow him yourself. Get creative.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ladybird said:


> Give me some credit, guys!
> 
> 20 years is a long time to just walk away with out a smoking gun. I need to do so with out a doubt. It will be easier for me to walk out and not wonder what if. I need this for me.
> 
> ...



I get you and admire your resolve, I do hope that if he is lying and cheating you will find that absolute proof you need so that you can leave him and soar!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> I ask again - what is your plan?? You don't have one. You refuse to stop having sex with him. You refuse to spend money finding out what you say you need to know. You say you can't find out what you need to know because he deletes everything.
> 
> So where does that leave you????? It's unanimous that he's cheating, that he's a bastard, that you are wasting your time with him. So WHAT is your plan??


I dont refuse to spend money. I can't spend money I dont have!!
I would love to hire a P.I instead. Let's someone else do the digging, but I dont have that kind of money laying around. I am a stay at home mom!

I have stopped having sex with him BTW. 2 days ago. He tried this morning I said no.

I spent 100.00 on a key logger that will record everything , hopefully. Was a ***** to set up. Took me an hour. 

My plan is when (not if) I find out to move the F out and file for D and be done with it...

I am pretty tech savvy with computers, phones not so much.. He does have 13 gigs of data on his phone, but there isnt anything on it. Explain that one? Can't read an SD card. anyone know how to access it?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

turnera said:


> If you know he's going somewhere and you're suspicious about it, ask a friend to follow him, or try to follow him yourself. Get creative.


The keylogger I installed on his phone tracked GPS. It appears he's leaving work.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

aine said:


> I get you and admire your resolve, I do hope that if he is lying and cheating you will find that absolute proof you need so that you can leave him and soar!


I hope I to too, because the more I dig the more questions I have, not that I will ever get them answered. I'm going in circles. I am hoping that tonight is the night I get what I'm looking for, now that I have a better keyloggers installed


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

ladybird said:


> I dont refuse to spend money. I can't spend money I dont have!!
> I would love to hire a P.I instead. Let's someone else do the digging, but I dont have that kind of money laying around. I am a stay at home mom!
> 
> I have stopped having sex with him BTW. 2 days ago. He tried this morning I said no.
> ...


Do you know the password to the phone? There is a program called Dr Fone that can recover data, even deleted data and texts from the phone but you'll need the password to unlock the phone. You can still use the program to extract the data without the password but you'll need to do a password reset through the program in order to do so which means he'll know someone messed with his phone.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> We were posting at the same time.
> 
> The keylogger is a start - what else?


Right now thats all I've got. For now.....


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

AtMyEnd said:


> Do you know the password to the phone? There is a program called Dr Fone that can recover data, even deleted data and texts from the phone but you'll need the password to unlock the phone. You can still use the program to extract the data without the password but you'll need to do a password reset through the program in order to do so which means he'll know someone messed with his phone.


He doesn't have a pass word on his phone. I've tried this. In order for you to recover deleted texts and calls, you have to root the phone . I didnt get anything other then current info already on his phone. He also factory rest his phone saturday...


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Does anyone know how accurate GPS tracking is?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

KOInstalled a key logger on Hubby's phone. It has GPS tracking..... There are a couple of instances where it looks like he leaves work - the last 2 days. Doesnt go very far. How accurate is GPS tracking?

I also found a voice to text in his google my activity page - from May 16th! Not smart enough to delete it... It says. No idea who it was to. 

"Very unpersonable makes me feel like I just bought a phone in a box using a tracfone do not like this type of payment plan I think I am going to change carriers and go to sprint sorry but it makes me feel like I dont have a prepaid phone and that's not what I want I want a prepaid phone I'll go buy a card and put me in it very unprofessional"

I typed it the same way it appears. What does that say to you?

I think I'm pretty much done digging. I won't find anything else. He isn't using his phone, so I spent 100.00 for nothing... I dont really need or want to know anymore. I already know


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GPS and VAR in his vehicle.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ladybird said:


> Does anyone know how accurate GPS tracking is?


All depends on the device/app combo being used.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

VAR velcro'd under the seat of his car.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

ladybird said:


> "Very unpersonable makes me feel like I just bought a phone in a box using a tracfone do not like this type of payment plan I think I am going to change carriers and go to sprint sorry but it makes me feel like I dont have a prepaid phone and that's not what I want I want a prepaid phone I'll go buy a card and put me in it very unprofessional"
> 
> I typed it the same way it appears. What does that say to you?


Sounds to me like he has another phone he's using.

That's what my husband did - got a secret cell phone.

I totally agree you really don't need more. I am so sorry


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

GusPolinski said:


> All depends on the device/app combo being used.


The device is a galaxy s5/ the app being used is mobistealth


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> Sounds to me like he has another phone he's using.
> 
> That's what my husband did - got a secret cell phone.
> 
> I totally agree you really don't need more. I am so sorry


That is exactly what that means. I bet it is for the same chick he lied about on his phone. This happened before the confront. His lies dont make sense, the truth makes sense ..


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ladybird said:


> The device is a galaxy s5/ the app being used is mobistealth


Sorry, not familiar with either.

A GPS in the car will tell you where his car is/has been going.

A VAR in the car will capture conversations regardless of which phone he uses.

Do you know where the OBD-II port is located in his car? If so, google "Automatic Pro". Works pretty well as a GPS/trip tracker/mileage tracker (also has some OnStar-esque functions).

I'll warn you, though... 

1. The device is white and will stand out pretty starkly if not hidden. You could probably spray paint it black in order to conceal it a bit.

2. It needs to be configured so that it doesn't beep or make noise during vehicle ignition or "acceleration past 70 mph" and hard braking events.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Update-

I installed a key logger on hs phone on may 31st. There is absolutely nothing. It does have a GPS tracker built in the key logger and there have been significant gaps in tracking history, in the middle of the night. He went from nights to working days. He started days Monday. The gaps in the logs just recently started on June 3rd. Missing a few hours in the middle of the night. (it is set to track every 10 minutes) At first I though maybe it was a glitch, but its been happening every night around 1 am until about 3 am. 

The only explanation i can come with is- He has a guest account on his phone. The key logger/gps tracking will not work on another account, because it is separate. You have separate apps , separate files, separate everything........ This is a problem.... He also has multi window activate on his phone. He closes out all apps and internet windows (he didn't before). 

I did see him close out an app or a webpage over the weekend. I just got a glimpse of it. It was black with green writing it said "Pleaser" or "Pleasure" I've tried to look for it, but i haven't had any luck finding what ever it was. He closed it pretty quick when he thought i wasn't looking! 

I do have a voice recorder. (i found it when i was spring cleaning) I need to figure out how to activate it so it only comes on when talking. Need to get new batteries and Velcro and see what that turns up. If he is talking to someone say on his way to work, he isn't using his phone number. 

As far as another phone. I don't believe he has one. The message i saw was about our service plan because our plan went to prepaid service. I checked it out.

the GPS tracking isnt all that accurate. He will be in bed and shows him down the street.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

So do you think he is aware of the keylogger then? Are you able to get your hands on the phone to get into the other account? Seems waayy shady to me...


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> So do you think he is aware of the keylogger then? Are you able to get your hands on the phone to get into the other account? Seems waayy shady to me...


 I think he may be aware of the key logger on his phone. 

I haven't been able to figure out how to get into another account, i can't even find one. I haven't been able to touch his phone lately. Since he is now working days - he sleeps with his phone, for the alarm. Or he is using a texting app with a different phone number... 

I did notice is his google my activity - he called his daughter at 3:47 am this morning, but the name is grayed out and it doesn't show on they key logger as a call. I am pretty sure it wasn't his daughter he called this morning. Anyone he calls anyone in his contact list will show up as blue, not grey. 

The key logger also records all incoming and outgoing calls (i have it set that way) I can only hear him. Yesterday morning he told his daughter that we are having major marriage problems. 

I did send an email to support about the gaps in gps history......

The more i dig the more questions i have that will go unanswered.... I will only do this for so long.. key logger is good for 3 months, after that time i will not renew it. So far its been a waste of money.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Var the car and the house.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

aine said:


> Var the car and the house.


 
i do have a VAR. I just need to get batteries and velcro to put in his car- I will work on getting another one to put in the house. 

i am also thinking some type of video surveillance, like small camera. So i can see what hes doing in the middle of the night when the GPS stops tracking. I am pretty sure he has a guest account on his phone, that he deletes.

There were a bunch of numbers texted this morning (same message) - that are not in his contact list - a glitch maybe, but the numbers had to come from somewhere. Checking in to it.

He did receive a text message last night, but it isn't showing up in the text logs at all on the key logger- I knew i should have read the entire message instead of just the header. 

It said YUP carpet is still the same.......... 

I did write down the number though


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

ladybird said:


> There were a bunch of numbers texted this morning (same message) - that are not in his contact list - a glitch maybe, but the numbers had to come from somewhere. Checking in to it.


The numbers were a mass text message sent by our land lord. I talked to one of the people today. When he replied to the message everyone else got the same message


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Going to get the video camera out tomorrow to charge it, put it somewhere in the living room tomorrow night and see if he gets up in the middle of the night to talk to someone. 

The GPS usually goes out between 12:30 am to 3:20 am, longer on his days off. There has to be a reason. Its happened every night since June 2nd. 

If (and I'm pretty sure on this) he is getting up in the middle I'd the night to talk to someone. He will need to switch accounts. Which will cause the GPS and the key logger not to work because its not installed on that account. I'm pretty sure I know who he's talking to, but I'd like to find that out as well.. 

The GPS works every 10 minutes except around those times. Its the only possible explaination. He did tell me to prove it


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You could also put a quiet alarm on your own phone so that you wake up every hour during the night and see if he's gone.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

turnera said:


> You could also put a quiet alarm on your own phone so that you wake up every hour during the night and see if he's gone.


 I thought about doing this - but I'm on medication, antidepressants, they knock me out. I wouldn't hear the alarm.

I was taking 10 Mg's for a week, I am to increase the dose to 20 Mg's tonight, as per my drs instructions. H knows they knock me out.......


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

finally figured out how to post pictures to a post. This is from this morning!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Well guys....... Tonight is the night. Going to set up the video camera in the living room. I've charged it, going to charge it while recording. I dont want it beeping when the battery is low. I have a 64 gig SD card to put in it. I should be able to see his phone screen if he sits in his chair (I'm sure he will)... Hopefully it turns up something. 

I just have to be careful he doesn't see it. He will probably go balistik. Given his defencivness . 

Wish me luck. Will update tomorrow


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## afbuccdkeyfogu (Jun 10, 2017)

wow could be interesting


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## justanotherguy80 (Feb 12, 2014)

Hi ladybird, perhaps im late but i used mspy to track my wifes phone works great but it cost a little. Also i payed a online service (google oneclickroot) to root the phone wich also cost a little. It takes a little planning to set up because you use about an hour to set it up.

For VAR you can also use a old smartphone with automatic audio recorder-app. 

I quickly discovered my wife affair with this.

Oh.. And good luck!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

justanotherguy80 said:


> Hi ladybird, perhaps im late but i used mspy to track my wifes phone works great but it cost a little. Also i payed a online service (google oneclickroot) to root the phone wich also cost a little. It takes a little planning to set up because you use about an hour to set it up.
> 
> For VAR you can also use a old smartphone with automatic audio recorder-app.
> 
> ...


 I have mobistealth on his phone, hasn't turned up much of anything . other then the GPS location not tracking in the middle of the night. other then that I dont have much of anything.

I will check out the app you mentioned. I do have an older smart phone laying around. I will mess with that today.  thank you.

What does rooting a phone do exactly? I'm pretty tech savvy with computers, not phones :/. I'm still learning android phones. 

The keylogger on his phone requires it to be rooted to access more features, like whatsap and viber etc.... but I've been to afraid to do it myself. So I will defiantly look in to rooting his phone, with what you mentioned


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Last night was a complete flop. He woke up around 1130. He went back to bed. I did try to set the camera up, but it wasn't hidden enough, so I'm really going to have to work on camera placement. :/ I would be helpful if it were smaller. I will figure it out...

I did format a 64 gig SD card to it - now have 16 hours of recording time. I took it off of HD mode. 

After this I should really go into private investigation!!!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IIWY, I would SPEND the money on a professional PI who will wire your home and his car and get real evidence. This is no way to live. You can always get more money, to cover what you spent on the PI.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

turnera said:


> IIWY, I would SPEND the money on a professional PI who will wire your home and his car and get real evidence. This is no way to live. You can always get more money, to cover what you spent on the PI.


 If this were an option I already would have done this. I can't come up with that kind if money and I have no one to Loan it to me or would so totally do this instead. :/

I am going to install a var app on an old smart phone and put it in his car. I'll do that Tuesday ( he goes back to work). I May also leave one on my phone in the living room. And let it run all night . still need to get the video cam set up, but I'll have to do that during His work week. To much of a risk to set it up on his days off. Unless I can hide it in the bedroom to see if he is getting up at those times the GPS tweeks out. I may do that first.


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## justanotherguy80 (Feb 12, 2014)

ladybird said:


> I have mobistealth on his phone, hasn't turned up much of anything . other then the GPS location not tracking in the middle of the night. other then that I dont have much of anything.
> 
> I will check out the app you mentioned. I do have an older smart phone laying around. I will mess with that today.  thank you.
> 
> ...


All android or iphones are secured by security functions that stops third-party apps in to getting access to phones vital systems and logs. By rooting (android) or jailbreaking (iphone) you remove the security functions making the phone more vunerable wich again is needed if you want to track certain funcrions or logs on a phone. In my case i had to root phone to be able to track snapchat. 

Im not saying this is needed in your case though. Perhaps unrooted would work just as fine in your case.


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## justanotherguy80 (Feb 12, 2014)

justanotherguy80 said:


> All android or iphones are secured by security functions that stops third-party apps in to getting access to phones vital systems and logs. By rooting (android) or jailbreaking (iphone) you remove the security functions making the phone more vunerable wich again is needed if you want to track certain funcrions or logs on a phone. In my case i had to root phone to be able to track snapchat.
> 
> Im not saying this is needed in your case though. Perhaps unrooted would work just as fine in your case.


Good var app for smart phone: smart voice recorder.

It only starts when noise is heard and stops when its silent. Also was good with battery in my case.

Not so sure about the videocam idea. Its it just a regular camcorder? Im thinking audiorecorder would be just as good. A camcorder would be easily detected and could make your husband to go more underground. Or perhaps buy a cheap spycam if you got the money.

So sorry youre going through this btw. Ive have done the same not long ago and know how you feel. Its quite stressfull.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

justanotherguy80 said:


> Good var app for smart phone: smart voice recorder.
> 
> It only starts when noise is heard and stops when its silent. Also was good with battery in my case.
> 
> ...


 It's a regular camcorder. I just need to find a spot to hide it really well and I think I've found one . I will mess with it tonight. 

Going to put smart voice recorder on my old smart phone tonight and put it in his car. Need to make sure the phone is charged first ..



What happened? Did you leave or are you working it out?


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## justanotherguy80 (Feb 12, 2014)

ladybird said:


> It's a regular camcorder. I just need to find a spot to hide it really well and I think I've found one . I will mess with it tonight.
> 
> Going to put smart voice recorder on my old smart phone tonight and put it in his car. Need to make sure the phone is charged first ..
> 
> ...


We are working it out. She came clean when i partly exposed her. Also exposed to OMs wife. 

Now we are rebuilding.. 😊


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

The VAR Is in Hubby's car! Will have to wait until tomorrow night to see what it picks up.....I'll update once I listen to it...


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

justanotherguy80 said:


> We are working it out. She came clean when i partly exposed her. Also exposed to OMs wife.
> 
> Now we are rebuilding.. 😊


I wish the very best for you both


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Ive been going through GPS logs today - Low and behold I found that my husband spends a lot of time in the parking garage at work.

On June 2nd (his last night on nights) he spent from 4:33 am to 5:44 am in the parking garage. Hmm. He also called me at 6:10 am on his way home. I was asleep when he called. Probably to give me some bulls **** story of why he was late. He didnt mention coming home late that day only because I was still asleep, when he got home. 

He spent a half an hour in the parking garage at work when he got there the day before last and yesterday! He says he leaves for work a little early so he can get his stuff ready to start the day and then clock in. I call bull ****.

If I I am right with what's going on and with whom. She works graveyard and is off at 5 am. He starts at 5 am. She took over hs job as lead, when he went to days. How convienent. That would explain why the GPS goes out in the middle of the night ... Still haven't confirmed this threoy ..... I believe he has a guest account on his phone that he uses (how I dont know, I can't even figure out how to do it) and the reason the GPS has been going out at certain times because he logs out of the account the keylogger is installed on. 


I recorded a phone call between h and his brother ( he lives with us). Before he started working days. The keylogger is set to record all calls in and out. Its too bad it is one sided and can't hear the other person. 

"I've got ladybird probably feeling pretty ****ty about me losing the position and all that. But you want to know something (big sigh) what I'm doing is for the greater gain, because me doing this is going to put me as B's (his boss) underling. That's why B is having me do all the extra ****, but I just want to rub that in ladybirds face that I did all of this to make sure she's happy"

How about that, huh?!

I honestly didnt realize the mind games he plays. I didnt realize how much of a selfish prick he really is. He doesn't do anything for anyone other then himself.

Another convo with his oldest daughter about him having marriage problem. What in the **** does he expect? But its all my fault just like everything else is....... 

A couple of weeks ago I asked him if he wanted an open marriage. He got so pissed. He asked why I would ask something like that and said you know how I feel about cheating ....... I said well if you're ****ing others its only fair that I am able too to, but it wouldn't be behind your back (probably a bad move on my part). He then said I can't deal with someone else touching you!!


I will update later tonight once I am able to listen to the VAR.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Var came up with almost 2 hours of nothing. Mostly cars driving by. He did talk to a female co worker after work, which OMG I didn't flip out about. Who knew?

He either found the var or he knows about the keylogger. He was either talking to someone or himself. I need to clean up the audio before I can get a better picture of what was said. Just need to figure out how.

It sounded like a bunch of shuffling in the beginning of the recording. Like he was looking for something. I thought he put his work bag in his car at first -but he did that later. So if he was activly making sure his car wasn't bugged, that says it all right there..

Someone called my voicemail at 3:47 this morning. It wasn't me and since he called my voice mail. He probably went through my phone to see what I have on him, which is absolutely nothing other then pieces at this point.... Ughhhh . 

I am beginning to think I won't find anything. He did say if he were cheating i wouldn't find squat. 

I wasn't able to put the var in his car last night - I will again tonight but will need to find another location to put it..


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Can anyone help me with cleaning up an audio file??? Please. I can't seem to. In have no idea what I'm doing :-(


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

@weightlifter....


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

ladybird said:


> Var came up with almost 2 hours of nothing. Mostly cars driving by. He did talk to a female co worker after work, which OMG I didn't flip out about. Who knew?
> 
> He either found the var or he knows about the keylogger. He was either talking to someone or himself. I need to clean up the audio before I can get a better picture of what was said. Just need to figure out how.
> 
> ...


Ok the shuffling in the beginning was me placing it, geeze! I am pretty sure he found the keylogger on his phone though.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

I think YOU are being tracked. You have every time posted what you are doing to sleuth. You every time get nothing. I think he knows you post here. 

Bite the bullet, tell him that NO you dont trust him and that a polygraph will go a LONG way in giving you some trust, and some stability. He has more red flags than the Nazi's had. I would be unwilling to continue this horrible emotional climate and head for warmer weather by either giving him the option, nay the TOOL to put your mind and heart at rest. If he is not willing he might be innocent and worried about a false positive, But if he really loves you and wants you he will try to put your mind at ease. But if he emphatically says NO....he is guiltier than sin. You dont need to find the evidence, that may just hurt....Just leave.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

threelittlestars said:


> I think YOU are being tracked. You have every time posted what you are doing to sleuth. You every time get nothing. I think he knows you post here.
> 
> Bite the bullet, tell him that NO you dont trust him and that a polygraph will go a LONG way in giving you some trust, and some stability. He has more red flags than the Nazi's had. I would be unwilling to continue this horrible emotional climate and head for warmer weather by either giving him the option, nay the TOOL to put your mind and heart at rest. If he is not willing he might be innocent and worried about a false positive, But if he really loves you and wants you he will try to put your mind at ease. But if he emphatically says NO....he is guiltier than sin. You dont need to find the evidence, that may just hurt....Just leave.


:iagree:


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Do you really want to live like this?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Malaise said:


> Do you really want to live like this?


I have to second this... if you have enough suspicion to go through all this, that is more than enough to leave over.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Why don't you just pay a PI to do it for you, then you can act as if nothing is wrong and be all sweetness and light while someone else does all of the spying for you. You probably only need a week.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> :iagree:


 Im not being tracked. I gave it away each and everytime!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

UPDATE........ and my last post - i apologize for the foul language in advance~ 

Well well well... I found google location history. Lets see there was a motel he went to at 5 am (8 months ago) while he was supposed to be at work. Driving all over hell and back on his lunch breaks while he was working the night shift. I found Line chat app on his lap top and I thought it was installed on may 25th when it was actually installed on Feb/21/2015! Went to the windows app store to find that out. Over 2 years ago..... He pretty much gave that away thanks to the keylogger and able to listen to his side of the conversation. Explains why he has been so nasty and defensive and been a complete and total ass the last few years. It is not exactly the smoking gun, but i have more then enough to know he hasn't been truthful about anything. I dont need anything else~ Why is this so hard???? Him crying and moaning about how he needs me and to stay and we can work things out... HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!! Hes a ****ing LIAR!!!!! I have no use for such a person in my life. I am totally and completely shattered . I will never trust anyone so blindly again. That is a promise i have made to myself and never again will I allow anyone to hurt me, AGAIN. I just cant do it again. I seriously have trust issues now, like i didn't before.


Now that I think about it he brings up divorce every time we fight. over the last month. And 2 years ago he told me he doesn't care what i do just as long as he doesn't find out about it!!! Hmmmmm **** im an idiot, but i knew something was a miss and wouldn't give up this time. Not a chance. Now i have to figure out what i am going to do next. I sent him a text message telling him not to come home. 

Hes a ****ing LIAR!!!!! I have no use for such a person in my life. I am totally and completely shattered . I will never trust anyone so blindly again. That is a promise i have made to myself and never again will I allow anyone to hurt me, AGAIN. I just cant do this again. To give someone everything I am to be **** on, stepped on, treat like dirt, God damn this **** hurts more then i thought it would.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm so sorry. 

Do you have someone you can call to come over and be with you tonight? And maybe a brother or other man to keep him from trying to get in the house?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Pack up his clothes and put them outside. Then call an attorney and file for divorce. Do not communicate with him, period! (only about kids... cant remember if you have them or not, sorry...) 

I hear ya about never trusting again, I have serious trust issues now after the last two men cheated on me!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ladybird said:


> UPDATE........ and my last post - i apologize for the foul language in advance~
> 
> Well well well... I found google location history. Lets see there was a motel he went to at 5 am (8 months ago) while he was supposed to be at work. Driving all over hell and back on his lunch breaks while he was working the night shift. I found Line chat app on his lap top and I thought it was installed on may 25th when it was actually installed on Feb/21/2015! Went to the windows app store to find that out. Over 2 years ago..... He pretty much gave that away thanks to the keylogger and able to listen to his side of the conversation. Explains why he has been so nasty and defensive and been a complete and total ass the last few years. It is not exactly the smoking gun, but i have more then enough to know he hasn't been truthful about anything. I dont need anything else~ Why is this so hard???? Him crying and moaning about how he needs me and to stay and we can work things out... HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!! Hes a ****ing LIAR!!!!! I have no use for such a person in my life. I am totally and completely shattered . I will never trust anyone so blindly again. That is a promise i have made to myself and never again will I allow anyone to hurt me, AGAIN. I just cant do it again. I seriously have trust issues now, like i didn't before.
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear this. Look, please stick around TAM. We'll be here for you, pulling for you.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

But it seems this is the last straw. This is a GOOD THING! you dont need to know more. This is enough right? Spare yourself the details of knowing all he has been up too. just end it. Its over good bye. 

I am so sorry you are hurting and in pain, but just knowing he is a liar and been treating you like crap and now you understand why a bit better has got too feel a bit relieving. YOU ARE NOT NOR HAVE EVER BEEN CRAZY! 

Change the locks. Line up them ducks and shoot em all down. K? Take care. ROOTING FOR YA OVER HERE!


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