# Help coworker texted my husband naked pics !!



## Kim C

I found naked photos of co-worker texted to my husbands phone!! "Here's pics you requested. Good?" His response "10-4, if you want you can send me more later." Really WTF? In what world is this OK? He's a fireman and she's a dispatcher. So yes they spend overnight shifts together. Please help - what would you do? We have been married 8 years with a 5 year old child. I have told him from day 1 cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me! My son will be devastated by divorce. Of course this witch is divorced already so she has nothing to lose.
Right now I want to confront her/them together at work. Bring the pics to their bosses/town administrator. Send the pics to all the fire mans wives and say ladies you better check your husband phones! If they are gonna destroy mine and my child's life - they should feel the consequences too!! I don't want to hurt or lively hood though! I'm trying to remain calm. Advice.


----------



## Jellybeans

I would forward the pics to my phone and send it them both with a message saying something smart.

If she is partnered, you could forward the pic to her boyfriend/husband.


----------



## Hope1964

My husband would be OUT on his a$$ if he did that. That would be IT.

The first person you should be sending those pics to is the womans husband if she has one.

Next would be his boss.

This fear of hurting your livelihood is quite common, but can be used against you. Your husband will play that card when he finds out that you know.


----------



## GusPolinski

Kim C said:


> Send the pics to all the fire mans wives and say ladies you better check your husband phones!


This is devious... _and I like it_.

Seriously, though, it probably wouldn't go over very well. Forward copies to yourself and then back them up in a couple of different places. One could be a hidden thumb drive, and the other could be somewhere in the "cloud" (i.e. Dropbox, Carbonite, Google Drive, SugarSync, etc.). Make sure that you husband can't access them, though, or he may delete them.

Once you have everything backed up, confront both of them, either via text (a la Jellybean's comment above) or in person.

This would be a good idea as well...



Jellybeans said:


> If she is partnered, you could forward the pic to her boyfriend/husband.


Consider performing a complete backup of your husband's phone, that way you can retrieve as much evidence as possible. What kind of phone does your husband use?

Do you have passwords to his e-mail and social media accounts?


----------



## HubbyDaddy2013

And they work together...over night? ...His mind has already slipped, and gone. He is looking to have sex with her at this point...if it hasn't already happened! 

I believe there has been something going on between them for a while now. They have probably been flirting for months, and it has come to this. They may have gotten physical already as well since they see each other all the time. Overnights at a fire house can have a lot of down time! 

I would expose this to close family members, confront him, and confront her. If his boss is close with him at the fire house, bring this up with him as well. 

It will be hard for him to do, but demand that he change locations where he is not working with this woman any more. 

Perhaps confront her as well. He has seen her naked, and she obviously wants him. He will get with her at this point unless you expose him, he is truly remorseful, AND he change work locations. Outside of that happening, you won't be able to work thru this, and end up divorcing.


----------



## Gabriel

Logically, naked pics are a precursor to sex, not an aftermath. If they had done it already, he'd just need to get in bed again to see her stuff.

But clearly, that's where this is heading. Back up the photos somewhere, but otherwise, you have enough evidence. I'd confront now before they take it to the next level.


----------



## Squeakr

Gabriel said:


> Logically, naked pics are a precursor to sex, not an aftermath. If they had done it already, he'd just need to get in bed again to see her stuff.


 Logically, yes, but with cheaters the logic goes out the door and doesn;t apply here.

My WW wouldn't send to or exchange pics with her AP (no matter how much begging occurred, as I saw the email and text exchanges), but once it went PA, then the rules changed and it was all fair game. It was almost as if, they had already crossed the boundary, so might as well go all out when they couldn't be able to get together. For my wife it was almost as if, well they had done the deed and seen each other nude so she was no longer reserved in hiding her body from him. They were PA so she felt she owed it to him (keeping in mind that I had never gotten a picture in my life, even with all my asking).


----------



## thatbpguy

Kim C said:


> I found naked photos of co-worker texted to my husbands phone!! "Here's pics you requested. Good?" His response "10-4, if you want you can send me more later." Really WTF? In what world is this OK? He's a fireman and she's a dispatcher. So yes they spend overnight shifts together. Please help - what would you do? We have been married 8 years with a 5 year old child. I have told him from day 1 cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me! My son will be devastated by divorce. Of course this witch is divorced already so she has nothing to lose.
> Right now I want to confront her/them together at work. Bring the pics to their bosses/town administrator. Send the pics to all the fire mans wives and say ladies you better check your husband phones! If they are gonna destroy mine and my child's life - they should feel the consequences too!! I don't want to hurt or lively hood though! I'm trying to remain calm. Advice.


Gather yourself. 

Sending naked pics does not prove they are having sex. Maybe it's a pervy way of flirting. That said, it is 100% inappropriate.

So what to do?

1) You need to confront them both and if she is married, her husband must know as he is also being betrayed and has a right to know.

2) If you show this to their superiors, they will most likely lose their jobs. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but think it over very carefully. At the very least they should not be in a position to have any contact with each other at work ever again so maybe approach it from that angle.

3) Sad to say this, but I think the chances either comes clean and tells you the real truth is poor. You may just have to use your best judgment and run with it. I mean, it sure looks like they are, but who can say without better proof. Maybe take his phone and send her a message saying something like, "you're a good lay" and she how she responds. If she reciprocates, then yes they are having sex. If she replies with something like, "drop dead, Homer", then it's just inappropriate flirting. 

4) Either way, I recommend some separation time for a couple of months so you can think this through alone so as to keep your thoughts clear without daily manipulation from him.


----------



## Kim C

He guards his phone like a pot of gold - my 1st clue something was amiss. That and the fact that he had just changed passwords on his phone and iPad. I know he usually deletes her messages as quickly as they come in. Since he changed the passes and thought I didn't have it - he kept them. I hacked his email - nothing there that I could find anyway. Who knows what else he's got going on. This girl is a piece of work and probably sends this type of crap to all the guys. But she's messed with the wrong girls husband this time. The fact that he's kept it now for a week ugh!


----------



## badmemory

Squeakr said:


> Logically, yes, but with cheaters the logic goes out the door and doesn;t apply here.
> 
> My WW wouldn't send to or exchange pics with her AP (no matter how much begging occurred, as I saw the email and text exchanges), but once it went PA, then the rules changed and it was all fair game. *It was almost as if, they had already crossed the boundary, so might as well go all out when they couldn't be able to get together. For my wife it was almost as if, well they had done the deed and seen each other nude so she was no longer reserved in hiding her body from him.* They were PA so she felt she owed it to him (keeping in mind that I had never gotten a picture in my life, even with all my asking).



I agree.

That seems to suggest a level of intimacy that would more likely indicate a PA has already happened. At the very least you should absolutely assume it has. 

How long have they been texting? Have you checked your cell phone records? That would be another very good clue for a PA, if it has been going on for several weeks or more.

Also, working the same shift, they've had ample opportunity before, during, or after the shift. Has he left early or come home late in the last few months?

Have you exhausted all means to get their prior texts? If you haven't confronted yet, you should consider putting spyware on his cell and a VAR in his car to confirm the PA.

But if you can't confirm through monitoring; he'd either have to confess the PA or be willing to take a poly before you should consider R.


----------



## lordmayhem

Gabriel said:


> Logically, naked pics are a precursor to sex, not an aftermath. If they had done it already, he'd just need to get in bed again to see her stuff.


I think it goes the other way in other situations. The sexting pics could also be an indication of an ongoing PA, it helps keep the naughtiness and the taboo aspect of the affair going and keeps it exciting.

8yearscheating's WW had an *ongoing 15 year affair with her OM and even gave birth to his daughter*. So OM had seen everything and done everything with her, yet they were still sexting naked pictures back and forth.


----------



## mahike

Yep naked pictures in my WW's case came after they had already started a PA. I would assume they are already doing it and go forward from there

1. Expose the A, it does not matter EA or PA to his family and yours. Does this POS OW have a BF? If yes exposed
2. Get checked for STD's
3. File for D
4. Get into IC

You can decide later if you want to R or D but he needs to know you are really will to throw in the towel.

I would think twice about showing his boss the pics. He will be paying for Alimony and Child Support, you may not want to upset his ability to pay you.

Fireman are bad news for PA's. They have a great deal of time they do not have to account to their spouse


----------



## Kim C

Won't he know if I put spyware on his phone? Any suggested ones to use?


----------



## badmemory

Kim C said:


> Won't he know if I put spyware on his phone? Any suggested ones to use?


He won't know, but you'll have to have about 15 minutes of free access to his phone and have his password.

I used Spybubble with some success, but that was 3 years ago. You can Google the options and I'm sure other posters will have some suggestions.

I would suggest to use a type where you can check his information from a central web site instead of you getting e-mails. He could find those e-mails.


----------



## lordmayhem

Kim C said:


> Won't he know if I put spyware on his phone? Any suggested ones to use?


Depends on the phone. If iPhone, you may have to jailbreak it to install spyware. If Android based, you may have to root it before installing spyware.


----------



## Rowan

Kim C said:


> Won't he know if I put spyware on his phone? Any suggested ones to use?


If you do it right, he will not be able to tell that there is spyware on his phone. I had good luck with Webwatcher Mobile, but there are others that are probably just as good and user friendly. You want something that is "stealth", that you don't have to access the phone to check on after the initial install, and that allows you to see all calls, texts, and hopefully all "hidden" apps and pictures on the phone.


----------



## EleGirl

Kim C said:


> Right now I want to confront her/them together at work. Bring the pics to their bosses/town administrator. Send the pics to all the fire mans wives and say ladies you better check your husband phones! If they are gonna destroy mine and my child's life - they should feel the consequences too!! I don't want to hurt or lively hood though! I'm trying to remain calm. Advice.


I would send the photos to all the wives. Yep. This woman is probably flirting with a lot of the guys. She might have been through a few of them. When you send the photos around, you might get some very surprising replies... like who else she has been doing this with.

Hopefully this will force her to quit her job.

Your lively hood is already hurt. If you even consider reconciliation your husband cannot work with this woman. it will not stop as long as they have contact.

So either she quits, or he quits or you divorce. At least with divorce he can keep his job and your children will get support form him.


----------



## EleGirl

Kim C said:


> He guards his phone like a pot of gold - my 1st clue something was amiss. That and the fact that he had just changed passwords on his phone and iPad. I know he usually deletes her messages as quickly as they come in. Since he changed the passes and thought I didn't have it - he kept them. I hacked his email - nothing there that I could find anyway. Who knows what else he's got going on. This girl is a piece of work and probably sends this type of crap to all the guys. But she's messed with the wrong girls husband this time. The fact that he's kept it now for a week ugh!


How long has he been guarding his phone?

Do you have a job outside the home?


----------



## lordmayhem

Ok, I looked at Spybubble, from the FAQ:

Q. If the target phone is iPhone, do i need to jailbreak it?
A: Yes, iPhone has to be jailbroken in order to install SpyBubble.

But android phones do not need to be rooted to install it on them.


----------



## Gabriel

Wow, I see you guys have seen it go the reverse in actual experience. It defies logic to me, but hey, logic doesn't always apply.

Regardless, just save the picture somewhere safe, then from a different source, show it to him.

I can almost guarantee he will say one of two things

1) Oh geez - I know this looks bad, but it was just goofing around. Just a joke. I would never do anything with her. It was wrong for me to keep this on my phone. I'm sorry. I'll delete it - but it was nothing, I swear.

2) HOW DARE YOU SPY ON ME! I NEED SOME SPACE! Maybe we need a break from each other (code for - "I think now that you've found this I need an excuse to escape you").


----------



## tom67

EleGirl said:


> I would send the photos to all the wives. Yep. This woman is probably flirting with a lot of the guys. She might have been through a few of them. When you send the photos around, you might get some very surprising replies... like who else she has been doing this with.
> 
> Hopefully this will force her to quit her job.
> 
> Your lively hood is already hurt. If you even consider reconciliation your husband cannot work with this woman. it will not stop as long as they have contact.
> 
> So either she quits, or he quits or you divorce. At least with divorce he can keep his job and your children will get support form him.


:iagree::iagree:
You are fighting for your marriage bring this out into the light of day.


----------



## EleGirl

Gabriel said:


> Wow, I see you guys have seen it go the reverse in actual experience. It defies logic to me, but hey, logic doesn't always apply.
> 
> Regardless, just save the picture somewhere safe, then from a different source, show it to him.
> 
> I can almost guarantee he will say one of two things
> 
> 1) Oh geez - I know this looks bad, but it was just goofing around. Just a joke. I would never do anything with her. It was wrong for me to keep this on my phone. I'm sorry. I'll delete it - but it was nothing, I swear.
> 
> 2) HOW DARE YOU SPY ON ME! I NEED SOME SPACE! Maybe we need a break from each other (code for - "I think now that you've found this I need an excuse to escape you").


I agree that the OP should do some data gathering before she does anything else. She needs to find out how deep he is into this. Is it just some inappropriate photos or are they in an actual affair.

Then, once she has that she can send the photos to all the other wives.


----------



## thatbpguy

EleGirl said:


> I would send the photos to all the wives. Yep. This woman is probably flirting with a lot of the guys. She might have been through a few of them. When you send the photos around, you might get some very surprising replies... like who else she has been doing this with.
> 
> Hopefully this will force her to quit her job.
> 
> Your lively hood is already hurt. If you even consider reconciliation your husband cannot work with this woman. it will not stop as long as they have contact.
> 
> So either she quits, or he quits or you divorce. At least with divorce he can keep his job and your children will get support form him.


This is a _*GREAT*_ idea.


----------



## tom67

thatbpguy said:


> This is a _*GREAT*_ idea.


What's the saying all is fair in love and war.


----------



## Kim C

The phones always on him - he just carries it from room to room and plugs it in near him. I understand most guys do. 

I was laid off end of November. Before that I was full time compressed odd shift with some WFH ability. I did receive a package so money has not been a contributing factor here.


----------



## badmemory

Kim C said:


> The phones always on him - he just carries it from room to room and plugs it in near him. *I understand most guys do.*


Most husbands don't. There should be no secrets in a marriage.

You have to be smart about the timing of your confrontation. If you absolutely can't get to his phone; at night, when he's in the shower, etc. Then this is what I'd do:

Check your cell phone records first. See how long he's been texting to her number and how many texts. Notice the dates, times of day, length of calls and how much data has been exchanged with her.

*If* you find a lot of texts to her, after you confront him, ask for his phone. Assuming he gives it to you, tell him you're going to have it checked for deleted texts and you'll give it back to him after you do. By him a burner phone or another cell that the cell company can put his regular number on. Tell him you'll give him his original phone back after you're finished with it.

Take it to a data recovery expert to be checked.

If he refuses to give you his phone; you've pretty much got your answer on whether he is telling you the truth.


----------



## StuckInAL

i dont' carry my phone around w/me all the time and neither does my wife. they are password protected ( to stop the kids from calling brazil by accident ) but we both know the passcode. i can pick up her phone and go thru at any time...she may ask what i'm doing or what i'm looking for; but she'd never refuse or get angry....and she has full access to my phone as well.

so no...most guys don't carry their phones around all the time and act possessive of them


----------



## Divinely Favored

I would be more likely to send that photo to every cell phone in the tri-county area to run the sl**t out of town from embarrassment. She may think he sent it and get mad at him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear

I would think about posting it on Facebook, and tagging her...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Kim,

I didn't understand whether you copied any of the pictures. Even if you don't have the pictures, you can still copy her photos from Facebook and put her on Cheaterville. Something like this:



> Miss XX, a dispatcher who works night shifts at the [town name fire department], sends naked photos of herself to male colleagues. This include shots of both her breasts and genitalia. She is divorced and apparently hopes to spread her marital happiness to others.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I would take the texts and photos to my attorney.
My attorney would spell out the options to my H, and to the woman involved. Then they could make their decisions.
I probably would lose all attraction for my H, and that would be the end of the marriage, kid or not. But I'd make my H and the woman suffer through making choices under the delusion that no divorce was imminent, they would be wrong, but whatever. 
I'm not competitive. I know some women want to defend their turf, but it's clear the H is goading her own. I'd want a husband who would know how to set boundaries.


----------



## Gabriel

You might want to be careful of sending a naked photo of someone to a mass account. No problem sending it to others at their workplace, but posting to a public site is a bad idea. Not to mention overkill. Want this chick to come after the OP with an attorney? Besides, Facebook won't let nude pics on the site.


----------



## Jellybeans

PBear said:


> I would think about posting it on Facebook, and tagging her...


You are evil, Pbear. :rofl:


----------



## MattMatt

Send her a picture of your naked bottom with the message 'This is owned by my husband. Butt out. DEAR!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Gabriel said:


> Wow, I see you guys have seen it go the reverse in actual experience. It defies logic to me, but hey, logic doesn't always apply.


On this board at least, it happens the way you suggested if it is long distance. If they live further away, they text pictures before the PA. It seems like when they work together or see each other on a semi-regular basis it is after.


----------



## botti

I am sorry this is happening to you.

My only advice is not to confront unless you are absolutely certain you know what you're going to do after. 

I don't hold with all the vindictiveness of exposure and revenge. I don't see how that's very healthy for you in the long run. I understand this woman has wronged you, but who is to say one of those other wives or one of those men don't go beat the sh1t out of her or cause her a serious injury? Do you really want that on your conscience?


----------



## Squeakr

phillybeffandswiss said:


> On this board at least, it happens the way you suggested if it is long distance. If they live further away, they text pictures before the PA. It seems like when they work together or see each other on a semi-regular basis it is after.


Depends on your definition of long distance. My wife's AP's each lived about 8-10 hours away (long distance in my book as not easy to just sneak away for a quickie with that distance, even if they met half the way) and she did exactly as I described. PA first and then pics. I think it has to do with her having body issues (I don't find anything wrong with her but she still has hang ups) and she figured if he had already seen the thing in person, he wouldn't have been turned off by pics. Now maybe is she didn't have the hang ups she would have been more open to sending them earlier on. Also she is a teacher so she guards her online presence pretty decently to protect her job and I guess she figured they were in an A so he wouldn't post the pics elsewhere or do something nefarious with them.


----------



## WhiteRaven

PBear said:


> I would think about posting it on Facebook, and tagging her...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Craigslist with phone nos(include her friends and family as well) and hourly rates....


----------



## WhiteRaven

MattMatt said:


> Send her a picture of your naked bottom with the message 'This is owned by my husband. Butt out. DEAR!"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are strange bro....


----------



## GusPolinski

Kim C said:


> *The phones always on him* - he just carries it from room to room and plugs it in near him. I understand most guys do.





badmemory said:


> *Most husbands don't.* There should be no secrets in a marriage.


Agreed. This is by no means normal behavior and shouldn't be considered as such w/ regard to either husband or wife.

Unless, of course, there is something to hide.


----------



## GusPolinski

PBear said:


> I would think about posting it on Facebook, and tagging her...





WhiteRaven said:


> Craigslist with phone nos(include her friends and family as well) and hourly rates....


:lol: :rofl:


----------



## ThePheonix

Set up a phony email account at a public wifi site and send copies of the pictures to the Fire Chief, Mayor, and Commissioners. Don't leave tracks, don't tell anyone, and let the chips fall.


----------



## Kim C

Why yes Botti, I would def be OK with that. I wish I could kick both their butts. If you knew how much my child adores him and to think he would jeopardize putting him to bed every night for that trailer park trash - you'd want to hurt them too. 
Think about it .... Because of their selfish and childish behavior for a few minutes of fleeting pleasure I have to turn my child's life upside down and miss out on huge chunks of my child's life if we need to share custody. Not my doing!!! I don't care what happens to her. I'm an eye for an eye type of girl. Consequences!!


----------



## Kim C

The one thing I didn't mention is her face is not in the pictures - everything is neck down from her IM.


----------



## botti

Kim C said:


> Why yes Botti, I would def be OK with that. I wish I could kick both their butts. If you knew how much my child adores him and to think he would jeopardize putting him to bed every night for that trailer park trash - you'd want to hurt them too.
> Think about it .... Because of their selfish and childish behavior for a few minutes of fleeting pleasure I have to turn my child's life upside down and miss out on huge chunks of my child's life if we need to share custody. Not my doing!!! I don't care what happens to her. I'm an eye for an eye type of girl. Consequences!!


Being in the same boat you're in, I have thought about it a lot. I have enough to deal with without adding someone's comeuppance to the mess. 

You're expending a lot of energy on hate and retribution. Not that I'm one to talk - I'm expending most of my energy on pretending everything's ok - but I hate to see you allow this woman so much power over you. She's a sad sack of sh1t and will get hers eventually.


----------



## OpenEnded

Talk to a lawyer. First 30 mins are sometimes free. 
Gather all information you can. Prepare yourself. 
Also infidelity might play role in courts decision on custody and alimony.

Read up here on 180 and other ways of dealing with WS.

Don't be afraid. Know that his bad choices are not your fault. You are good person and deserve great life with or without him.


----------



## Squeakr

GusPolinski said:


> Agreed. This is by no means normal behavior and shouldn't be considered as such w/ regard to either husband or wife.
> 
> Unless, of course, there is something to hide.


I don't like these assessments by you and others. Since we know the husband is a firefighter, I agree the behavior is off, but I don't think we are qualified to say what is normal and what is not normal. 

Secrecy definitely has no place in a marriage, but I work in the IT industry and we all live by our phones. I am on call lots and live through phone, email, and text/ IM (mainly email) so I always have my phone on me and behave the way he has been described to behave. I jump most every time the email notification goes off, but I have contracted response times I must meet, so I do this for my job. 

Yes i realize that I may be the exception to the rule, but with so many other workers doing the same job and having the same responsibilities as I do, it is hard to say what is normal and what is not. Everyone I work with lives this way, so for us it is the norm. Just my $0.02 (and I am not excusing his behavior, just stating that some of us must live this way, and yes it does get tiring doing so but we must provide for our families in the best way we know how).


----------



## GusPolinski

Squeakr, I work in IT as well, and I've participated in several different types of on-call rotations (desktop support, security admin support, Tier 2 systems support, Tier 3 systems and architecture/infrastructure support, etc) over the course of the past 15 years. As such, my phone is always nearby, and my ears are always at the ready for any incoming alerts, chirps, or sirens.

The picture that OP is painting, however, is that her husband is always cognizant of exactly where his phone is located and that he actively works to hide its content from her. That is what isn't normal.


----------



## tom67

GusPolinski said:


> Squeakr, I work in IT as well, and I've participated in several different types of on-call rotations (desktop support, security admin support, Tier 2 systems support, Tier 3 systems and architecture/infrastructure support, etc) over the course of the past 15 years. As such, my phone is always nearby, and my ears are always at the ready for any incoming alerts, chirps, or sirens.
> 
> The picture that OP is painting, however, is that her husband is always cognizant of exactly where his phone is located and that he actively works to hide its content from her. That is what isn't normal.


:iagree:
The standard red flag.


----------



## survivorwife

ThePheonix said:


> Set up a phony email account at a public wifi site and send copies of the pictures to the Fire Chief, Mayor, and Commissioners. Don't leave tracks, don't tell anyone, and let the chips fall.


:iagree:

Yep. That's what I would do...lol


----------



## jb02157

I can see that being mad at your husband is justified but if you tell his boss and get him fired, you also lose whether you divorce or not.


----------



## Gabriel

Squeakr said:


> I don't like these assessments by you and others. Since we know the husband is a firefighter, I agree the behavior is off, but I don't think we are qualified to say what is normal and what is not normal.
> 
> Secrecy definitely has no place in a marriage, but I work in the IT industry and we all live by our phones. I am on call lots and live through phone, email, and text/ IM (mainly email) so I always have my phone on me and behave the way he has been described to behave. I jump most every time the email notification goes off, but I have contracted response times I must meet, so I do this for my job.
> 
> Yes i realize that I may be the exception to the rule, but with so many other workers doing the same job and having the same responsibilities as I do, it is hard to say what is normal and what is not. Everyone I work with lives this way, so for us it is the norm. Just my $0.02 (and I am not excusing his behavior, just stating that some of us must live this way, and yes it does get tiring doing so but we must provide for our families in the best way we know how).


It's simple. The behavior isn't normal if it's a new behavior that is unusual to the individual. If the OP's husband has always been like that with his phone from day 1, it's probably just his habit. But if it's a recent thing, along with the pic she found, then, well...it's not.


----------



## Squeakr

GusPolinski said:


> Squeakr, I work in IT as well, and I've participated in several different types of on-call rotations (desktop support, security admin support, Tier 2 systems support, Tier 3 systems and architecture/infrastructure support, etc) over the course of the past 15 years. As such, my phone is always nearby, and my ears are always at the ready for any incoming alerts, chirps, or sirens.
> 
> The picture that OP is painting, however, is that her husband is always cognizant of exactly where his phone is located and that he actively works to hide its content from her. That is what isn't normal.


I agree, but my WW would probably say and think the same about me and my phone usage. I am just saying some of it is in the perception of the situation. Heck lots of my friends that don't understand the dynamic of my job (most don't even seem to be able to spell IT) would make the same assessment to my WW of what we are making about this guy. I do think it is correct that he is up to no good, but I am not going to say what he is doing is not normal, as whom is to say what is normal. I am just against the use of the word normal. Lets just call what he is doing as huge red flags.


----------



## GusPolinski

Squeakr said:


> I agree, but my WW would probably say and think the same about me and my phone usage. I am just saying some of it is in the perception of the situation. Heck lots of my friends that don't understand the dynamic of my job (most don't even seem to be able to spell IT) would make the same assessment to my WW of what we are making about this guy. I do think it is correct that he is up to no good, but I am not going to say what he is doing is not normal, as whom is to say what is normal. I am just against the use of the word normal. *Lets just call what he is doing as huge red flags.*


Fair enough.

Also, couple what OP has said w/ the fact a) OW has sent naked pics to her husband and b) it would appear that her husband requested them.


----------



## Squeakr

Gabriel said:


> It's simple. The behavior isn't normal if it's a new behavior that is unusual to the individual. If the OP's husband has always been like that with his phone from day 1, it's probably just his habit. But if it's a recent thing, along with the pic she found, then, well...it's not.


Hence the statement using normal is not good. You say if he has been doing this from the start, then it is habit, why not use the term normal there too as well? What if ti is a new phone, usage changes as the phone does as well?? Like I say, I like to state that it throws up red flags and just avoid the whole "normal" idea. What is "normal" to one is not to all. I have one friend that refuses to get a cell and has only a home phone, to mean that is not normal behavior, yet to many octogenarians they find it perfectly acceptable and normal behavior (even though he is not a member of that group and is middle aged).


----------



## alte Dame

People get set back on their heels when they discover things like this. They feel the threat, the hurt, the anger, the betrayal.

My reaction for myself is to be tough and fast. If this were me, my instinct would be to talk to a lawyer, print out divorce papers and fill out my section, print out the naked pics (after safely storing the files somewhere), and leave the docs in a prominent place in the house, ready for the WH when he came home from work. I would be gone for a few days, having left child/children with someone I trusted. I would leave a note that explained where the kids were and how I could be reached (through a third party) in an emergency. I would leave for the appointed period and shut off my phone.

Blitzkrieg. Throwing me back on my heels? Eff that.


----------



## GusPolinski

alte Dame said:


> People get set back on their heels when they discover things like this. They feel the threat, the hurt, the anger, the betrayal.
> 
> My reaction for myself is to be tough and fast. If this were me, my instinct would be to talk to a lawyer, print out divorce papers and fill out my section, print out the naked pics (after safely storing the files somewhere), and leave the docs in a prominent place in the house, ready for the WH when he came home from work. I would be gone for a few days, having left child/children with someone I trusted. I would leave a note that explained where the kids were and how I could be reached (through a third party) in an emergency. I would leave for the appointed period and shut off my phone.
> 
> Blitzkrieg. Throwing me back on my heels? Eff that.


Decisiveness. Nice. I love it!


----------



## tdwal

alte Dame said:


> People get set back on their heels when they discover things like this. They feel the threat, the hurt, the anger, the betrayal.
> 
> My reaction for myself is to be tough and fast. If this were me, my instinct would be to talk to a lawyer, print out divorce papers and fill out my section, print out the naked pics (after safely storing the files somewhere), and leave the docs in a prominent place in the house, ready for the WH when he came home from work. I would be gone for a few days, having left child/children with someone I trusted. I would leave a note that explained where the kids were and how I could be reached (through a third party) in an emergency. I would leave for the appointed period and shut off my phone.
> 
> Blitzkrieg. Throwing me back on my heels? Eff that.


 Do the Michael Jordon on them, rock them on their heals.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Squeakr said:


> Depends on your definition of long distance..


Yes, I know, everything on this board depends on a person's definition.


----------



## ThePheonix

Kim C said:


> The one thing I didn't mention is her face is not in the pictures - everything is neck down from her IM.


Probably some of the elected officials and department heads would recognize her.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Kim

Decide what you want to do.. Do you want him and your marriage or do you want a divorce..

IF you want your marriage then crush this fvcking kunt at the same time b1tch slapping your husband into reality.. Let him know you are not a woman to be trifled with.. 

Blow this woman up to everyone by sending these pictures to EVERYONE you can think of.. 

Then tell your husband to GTFO of the house and finally proceed t to call his coworkers to what they are up to for the night or the following weekend.. Let your dear hubby know that you are interested in some of his coworkers now and that they are interested in you.. 

Firemen, Cop all the same sh1t.. You will find someone who is willing to cut his throat *( metaphorically speaking )* to lay in bed with you.. 

You then tell him exactly who wanted to meet you so now he has to look at these men in his firehouse and know that some of them where willing to fvck you behind his back.. 

Cops and Firemen very high testosterone levels and much machismo and bravado running rampant in the station/fire houses.. They will break his balls as if they did do something with you just to tease him.

Trust me if your going to crush him, you need to do it fast and swift. He has to have little to no reaction time to defend himself.

He will crumble like a house of cards.. 

This girl will be going nuts all over him because her images where exposed. She will be getting sh1t from other coworkers. Who knows who back she is sneaking around on..

The guys from work will be telling him his wife is calling up soandso and looking for a date.. They will NOT keep this secret.. 

He won't know what to do.. He will be begging for you to calm down and stop to let him in the house.

If you want the divorce.. Then don't fvck with his job.. Serve him papers and move on.. He will be paying you some decent money for a very long time to come. 

Just don't make this about your 5 year old or how he will feel. He is too young to understand and will get over it.. They have a 2 second attention span. He is not the crutch here and if you think your going to use him against your husband, you will come up short with this..

As a matter of fact they take it much worse when they understand as compared to when they do not.

My dad left when I was 12, never to return. My wife left me and my 2 boys. She hasn't spoken to our oldest for over a year, but see's my youngest twice a week. She is ashamed because the oldest understand and the youngest doesn't.

So none of this I'm doing this for my son BS.. Your son would eat playdo if you told him it was candy.. 

You are doing it for YOU and to save YOUR MARRIAGE.. Straight and simple..


----------



## whatslovegottodowithit?

Fireman huh? Career position with a pension OR some private contract deal? Volunteer (I doubt, but gotta ask)? I assume you are in the US?

If there is a pension in play and you expose to Mayor, Councilman, Trustee, Chief, whatever...that pension is lost along with whatever portion you would get (50% now or equivalent when he retires). 

He would need to provide his children with health/dental insurance as you don't work and most likely makes more than you...gone if you expose with the pics.

He most likely has life insurance through work...if you D, insist your child is the beneficiary.

Determine if he has a 457(b) plan (401k for gov't employees). If yes, you are entitled to half if you D. 

If you send the pics to ALL the ff's wives, one may be liable to send to the Mayor, Chief, etc... and he could lose his job. I guess what I'm saying is by getting your POS H fired, you and child also stand to lose financially.


You are in a trick-bag here as it's pretty easy for a dispatcher to find work vs. a firefighter who must test, background, psych., poly, physical ability test, blah blah blah. Of course if you don't care, every department head should be sent the evidence to ruin their lives, but since a child is in play here, you MUST act in their best interest as your life is no longer just about you!

I would however send the pics/txt's to your H's parents and family. Whether or not you D, you will advise those who love/admire him most know what a D-Head he really is.

By the way, I'm a full-time, career, union firefighter/paramedic who has been through a D after being cheated on.


----------



## Kim C

ThePheonix said:


> Probably some of the elected officials and department heads would recognize her.



Exactly!!!


----------



## tom67

Free Ba-Dum Tshh After Joke Sound Effect - YouTube


----------



## Kim C

Au contraire Hard to Handle it is only about my son. I grew up in a family where my father was a lying cheating ***** that tortured my mother my whole life and I experienced every crappy minute of it. I swore that I would never live her life - hence my conversation with my husband on day 1 - my one and only deal breaker ... cheating. His dad also left him just before Christmas when he was around 5 years old. We had both agreed we wanted so much more for our child that by the way we tried for 3 years to have. So I take offense to any insinuation that I would use him in any way. My only concern is protecting him as much as possible. He loves his dad and his little family. People like to think that kids are resilient but I think that's so that they feel better about the **** they put them thru. People are so damn selfish. If I did not have a child - all my husbands belongings would be on the front lawn and I would have already raised holy hell at the fire station.


----------



## Kim C

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> Fireman huh? Career position with a pension OR some private contract deal? Volunteer (doubt, but gotta ask)? I assume you are in the US?



Career union guy. Thanks for the info. I was hoping to hear from one of the guys actually. I wondered if I brought to a Capt. that I know hates her but is friendly with my husband but I guess once it's out there - it's out there. I'm just really shocked and just wonder how common is this? The kicker to all this - my husband walked in on his ex-wife in bed with another man. You would think he of all people would understand.


----------



## ThePheonix

Kim my girl, if you have the pictures, you can really hammer this chick while keeping your hands clean and add a little mystery to yourself by doing what I previously suggested. Just add the name of the chick to the pictures. Add sending the pictures to a couple of others in the fire station. Once its out, this gal will kick your old mans azz nine ways to Sunday and it will be his last beaver hunt around your neck of the woods tell the cows come home. Of course you're none the wiser to any of it.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Kim C said:


> Au contraire Hard to Handle it is only about my son. I grew up in a family where my father was a lying cheating ***** that tortured my mother my whole life and I experienced every crappy minute of it. I swore that I would never live her life - hence my conversation with my husband on day 1 - my one and only deal breaker ... cheating. His dad also left him just before Christmas when he was around 5 years old. We had both agreed we wanted so much more for our child that by the way we tried for 3 years to have. So I take offense to any insinuation that I would use him in any way. My only concern is protecting him as much as possible. He loves his dad and his little family. People like to think that kids are resilient but I think that's so that they feel better about the **** they put them thru. People are so damn selfish. If I did not have a child - all my husbands belongings would be on the front lawn and I would have already raised holy hell at the fire station.


Mia Culpa, I was going to quote one of your last messages, but I misread it.. 

It seemed like you where saying in a nutshell, I can't believe he is doing this to his son and I need to fight to keep my marriage for my son sake.. 

Which wasn't what you were saying.. I need to get my *R.I.F. * on..**(Reading Is Fundamental)*

My mind just went into never save your marriage for the kids mode and everything else just zoned out.

But everything else still holds true.. If you want him.. Crush him.. You might be labeled the crazy wife at work, but no one else will dare do anything like that again with him.. No woman will want that unwanted attention. 

Just as a woman you really have more leeway and room to do crazy stuff that men would be abused and torn apart for.. 

If I went to my ex wife work and posted naked pics of her boyfriend, they would think of me as a cry baby, a weak man, and crazy.. If I then tried to call women where she worked and said hey ladies I'm available they would laugh in my face.. 

Where as you.. Different story.. 

Yo, Dave ( fake hubby name ) you know your wife just called up Rob, Dan and Joe. She told them she was always interested in them and for them to call her if they ever wanted to go out.. 

Yo, I think Dan is talking to your wife right now.. 

Trust me on this.

During my first divorce my Ex wife decided to go to a bar where many cops hung out and many where from my Precinct.. 

One Sunday morning one guy decides to tell me hey I was with your wife last night.. He meant to say I seen your wife at the bar last night.. But he thought he was going to be cute.. 

Well I don't need to tell you I was upset and devastated at the time.. When I questioned him to what he exactly meant, I unintentionally placed my hand on my gun.. 

I asked him again after he clarified that he seen her at the bar and not that he was *with her*. I said you picked those words.. You knew exactly what you were saying and you chose those words specifically. 

My partner started yelling at this guy and cursing him out.. He began to threaten him he was going to kick his A$$. This other guys partner began to chastise this guy and started pulling him out of the room. My partner then began to bear hug me to calm me down. 

Later on that day they this guy came to me and apologized profusely. But in the end everyone thought I was going to shoot him and just were trying to defuse the situation. 

My point, firemen don't have guns.. So he might get into a few fights, but it will teach him a lesson.. In house fighting is usually kept in house.. 

He just won't have anything to say to you that can be valid.. 
He can say why are you doing this ? You show him the pictures.. How could you do that ? You show him the pictures.. 
He just wouldn't have a leg to stand on.. 

Your moment of calamity will last a life time for him.. But everyone in the future will know not to fvck with your family, that includes your hubby..


----------



## Jellybeans

Have you said or done anything w/ the pics?


----------



## Kim C

Jellybeans said:


> Have you said or done anything w/ the pics?


I have not. I am taking advice and data gathering at the moment. I will let everyone know how this progresses. It's killing me to bite my tongue but I'd rather know the truth or whole story because I'm so rattled by this and really never expected it.


----------



## whatslovegottodowithit?

Kim C said:


> Career union guy. Thanks for the info. I was hoping to hear from one of the guys actually. I wondered if I brought to a Capt. that I know hates her but is friendly with my husband but I guess once it's out there - it's out there. I'm just really shocked and just wonder how common is this? The kicker to all this - my husband walked in on his ex-wife in bed with another man. You would think he of all people would understand.


The only "x-factor" that you don't know about is how he speaks about you and your M amongst the fellas at work. For all you know, you could be the "old ball and chain" and "overly whacked spouse" as most cheaters conjure-up a poor image in their mind and to those they are close with i.e. a bunch of guys they consider family.

If you believe that you can REALLY trust the Captain, perhaps a plan to just expose the pictures on some amateur picture dump site then anonymously tipping-off city leaders. What I'm saying is trying to find a way to keep your H out of it so he keeps his job (for ONLY the child's sake, of course). I would also think the Captain would understand, but can't speak to his attitude towards cheating or what he would do with the info.

From what I know and hear about, this type of behavior is quite common amongst police and fireman. There is a higher than average D rate, or so I've been told by industry experts via training and seminars. It seems tolerated amongst the fellas as they have to work with both the moral and immoral and they themselves just want to do their job and make it home safe. 

Remember (and remind your husband of this) that if you file for D and site infidelity, you (your lawyer) can depose her and present the info. as evidence. ***Just another idea/thought...brainstorming and throwing-out all possible ideas here...use/consider as applicable***


----------



## Squeakr

Kim C said:


> I have not. I am taking advice and data gathering at the moment. I will let everyone know how this progresses. It's killing me to bite my tongue but* I'd rather know the truth or whole story because I'm so rattled by this and really never expected it.*


If you are holding out for the bolded, then just gather enough information to prove your position and his infidelity and start the process to move on after that (D or R, whichever you choose), as so many of us share the same view points and have wasted so much time trying to get the truth and whole story(and probably never will) as it is not in the basic cheater to give us that information. It takes a special type of WS to be able to think about their BS and provide the necessary help and information to assist in the healing process, the rest are just ashamed at getting caught and want it to just disappear (rugsweep everything).


----------



## Jellybeans

I would print the pics out. Seriously.

Is she married? Boyfriend?


----------



## Squeakr

The tricky issue here is that the pics have no face in them. Unless there is some identifying mark, such as a watermark or special timestamp associated with the photo, a tattoo, scar, birthmark, stretch marks, etc that could be incriminating and point directly to her, the OP will need to reveal that they were sent to her H from this lady, otherwise no connection can directly be made and anonymous sendings and posting would only mean anything to those that had seen them or her like this prior.

So this would require the OP to out her H and this could result in his jobless, and her and her child suffering directly from such punishment.


----------



## Row Jimmy

I think the pics (and him wanting more) are way out of line but I also don't think what he did warrants an immediate divorce but some serious consequences instead.

Is there any intimate texting going on as well? Have you tried to recover delteted texts? 

You don't want to do anything to jeopordize his job, income stream, pension and health benefits as that would be detrimental to you and your kid. You don't know for sure if he intended to physically cheat with her, but accepting the pics is still very wrong and a very dangerous game to play. 

I think the best idea is to print out the pics and leave them sitting on top of divorce papers you printed out and you and the kid go live with your parents or friend for a week or two and go dark on him for awhile. 

Let him feel the heat of his poor decision making and make him see exactly what he has to lose. 

If you want to go straight to divorce over this breach of trust then go see a lawyer to learn what needs to happen to get the D wheels rolling. 

I'm sorry that you are going thru this.


----------



## Jellybeans

Squeakr said:


> The tricky issue here is that the pics have no face in them. Unless there is some identifying mark, such as a watermark or special timestamp associated with the photo


If she texted them, surely a screenshot of it will list her name, phone number and the time she sent it.


----------



## Squeakr

Depending on the device and capabilities, that is true, but she would then need to get his device and do it from there. The recommendations so far have been print out the picture and send it to your device, either of these recommendations would remove her number and identifying marks, and even then in this day and age with photoshop it is not hard to add those things, but identifying marks would not be reproducible as easily and one would need to know they were there to try and do so, thus much more incriminating.


----------



## Jellybeans

Squeakr said:


> and even then in this day and age with photoshop it is not hard to add those things, but identifying marks would not be reproducible as easily and one would need to know they were there to try and do so, thus much more incriminating.


The identifying mark is that this woman sent her husband naked pictures of herself and her husband responded to her to send him more later. 

What more does she need as evidence? It happened.


----------



## Kim C

Jellybeans said:


> I would print the pics out. Seriously.
> 
> Is she married? Boyfriend?


Divorced. Her husband had some sort of drug issue.


----------



## ThePheonix

I think we're getting to far out with the, " you've got to have proof beyond a reasonable doubt its her". Anonymously send the pictures to people at work, including elected officials, naming her as the model, sit back and watch the fur fly once the rumor mill kicks into action. I can guarantee it will put her out of the sexy selfies business.


----------



## Kim C

Squeakr said:


> Depending on the device and capabilities, that is true, but she would then need to get his device and do it from there. The recommendations so far have been print out the picture and send it to your device, either of these recommendations would remove her number and identifying marks, and even then in this day and age with photoshop it is not hard to add those things, but identifying marks would not be reproducible as easily and one would need to know they were there to try and do so, thus much more incriminating.


I took several pictures of the text messages and photos. I then emailed them to a couple different email accounts. But yeah his name is mixed in the exchange.


----------



## Jellybeans

ThePheonix said:


> I can guarantee it will put her out of the sexy selfies business.


:rofl:

I am always amazed at how free some people are with sending out naked pics of themselves. I mean, really. They could end up ANYWHERE. 

I went out with a guy who I told I didn't want to date anymore. He seemed to think he could win me over and sent me pics of himself wearing underwear, of which I never requested. Recently he messaged me asking me if I still had the pictures. I told him "Be careful what you send out to the world on your mobile." Auto back ups and all.  People are idiots. One guy sent me a pic of his d!ck (also unrequested and it became the topic and picture of conversation at a lunch out with my girlfriends. We had quite a laugh.


----------



## Squeakr

Jellybeans said:


> The identifying mark is that this woman sent her husband naked pictures of herself and her husband responded to her to send him more later.
> 
> What more does she need as evidence? It happened.


For the OP, she needs no more evidence, I agree.

If she is going to take it to his superiors, the city council, distribute to others, and other things that have been suggested within, then she would need to prove that it was her, otherwise she could be sued for defamation of character if she distributes these photos with that information attached, among other possibilities. If there are no truly identifying marks, all the OW would have to say is that she procured those off of the internet, or they were of the wife herself, and she is persecuted because the BS is jilted, upset, and is trying to get her in trouble, and they are not her. To clear her name all she needs is to prove a reasonable doubt, and she can't be required to submit actual photos of herself in the buff to prove it, so she gets the trust from the start. Without something identifying it is hard to prove that this was in actuality the true person (lots of people sam photos from others and claim they are their "true" photos.


----------



## ThePheonix

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I am always amazed at how free some people are with sending out naked pics of themselves. I mean, really. They could end up ANYWHERE.


Or EVERYWHERE. Sending x rated pictures is one of the stupidest things anybody can do. Regrading the pictures sent to you of the that became a topic of humorous conversation at the luncheon, ya'll probably felt it wasn't really a big thing.


----------



## Jellybeans

Squeakr,

I guess I am coming at this from a different point of view. Fact is, this woman sent him naked pics of herself and he responded to send him more. That is inappropriate. No matter how you slice and would be all I needed to know.

As to what she does with this information, that's entirely another situation.



ThePheonix said:


> Regrading the pictures sent to you of the that became a topic of humorous conversation at the luncheon, ya'll probably felt it wasn't really a big thing.


The general consensus was that it wasn't. :rofl:

Like I said, be careful what you send out to the world.


----------



## Squeakr

Jellybeans said:


> Squeakr,
> 
> I guess I am coming at this from a different point of view. Fact is, this woman sent him naked pics of herself and he responded to send him more. That is inappropriate. No matter how you slice and would be all I needed to know.
> 
> As to what she does with this information, that's entirely another situation.


I have agreed before and agree with you this time that for her own knowledge and proof, she *HAS* all she needs, the H's request for the pics and her sending one to him. She has proven the infidelity and her h's intentions for it exists and has more than enough to deice on a D if she so chooses to go that route.


I am just stating that if she wants to expose this to others and keep her H out of the situation and line of fire as she has indicated (as this would hurt her directly as well), then she needs something more concrete to bring to the table. She can't just cut and paste (as that would look like photoshop at work and the pics have her H's info so she would need to do this to protect him if she so chooses), so she needs something more definitive like the aforementioned things that would point the picture directly at her and remove all questions for the higher ups to take action. 

Without the number associated or some watermark, they couldn't prove it was her torso or not, as that is what is in the picture (she could have easily grabbed a photo offline and sent that. Would that be grounds for her to be fired? No, in fact she is single and unless they have a policy in place against these things, she probably can't get fired for these actions either. Infidelity is something lots of companies these days couldn't care less about unless policies are in place, it is being used as harassment purposes, or it undermines the integrity of the company and puts their product, brand, or privacy at risk.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

ThePheonix said:


> I think we're getting to far out with the, " you've got to have proof beyond a reasonable doubt its her".


Welcome to TAM where the lawyers, like you, are ignored and every one else is a Judge, Law professor or paralegal.

Yes, I'm guilty of it myself.

Look Kim, don't say it is her to keep the thread happy. A female coworker sent your husband naked pictures and he asked for more. if you are worried about "LEGAL REPERCUSSIONS, say something like this:

"Hey wives, this is what <Insert Name> is sending to my Husband on a regular basis." "He said he wanted more." 


Whether it is her body or not is irrelevant what they are doing is out there for consumption. It is vague, you can get the phone records and if anything legal comes up "here are the phone records, here are the times, here is the time of the photos." "I never said it was her, I said she sent them to my husband."

Personally, I'd let her deal with proving it isn't he if I named it her body. Not your problem and Yes, I know, someone will go find the one or two cases and say "OMG BE CAREFUL. Lawsuit lawsuit lawsuit."

Either way, wives are going to be looking for that number and there will be a ton of drama for those two.


----------



## ThePheonix

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I know, someone will go find the one or two cases and say "OMG BE CAREFUL. Lawsuit lawsuit lawsuit."


It strikes me as humorous that some of the same folks who say, "go after and whoop up on the boy that made it with your wife" are some of the same one saying, "Lawsuit lawsuit lawsuit."
At any rate, it like we say in court, "Its not what you know. Its what you can prove." If K.C. were my sister, SIL, or friend, I'd have miss hotazz's pictures posted all over the government and sites on the internet. And the fun of it was she and K.C.s husband would know but she couldn't prove squat. She'd be the laughing stock of the fire department.


----------



## Kim C

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Look Kim, don't say it is her to keep the thread happy. A female coworker sent your husband naked pictures and he asked for more. if you are worried about "LEGAL REPERCUSSIONS, say something like this:
> 
> "Hey wives, this is what <Insert Name> is sending to my Husband on a regular basis." "He said he wanted more."
> 
> 
> Either way, wives are going to be looking for that number and there will be a ton of drama for those two.



I love it! You are right the wording is really good and I will eventually use it. My biggest concern is she's a little on the nutty and immature side with zero judgement (clearly.) I can see her turning it all around and coming after me for posting anything out there and going after my H claiming sexual discrimination or pressure or some crap like that. Which I'm not making any excuses for him but I'll be damned it this witch destroys what little we are gonna have left after the dust settles. I certainly don't want to be paying attorney fees defending his dumb a$$.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

You are right. So, get all your things together. Remember, save all the information and then expose. You don't have to do it today or tomorrow. Get your finances straight, decide on what he needs to do to work on the marriage, protect his job and then go scorched earth.


----------



## calmwinds

update?


----------



## Kim C

calmwinds said:


> update?


I'm about to go out of my tree. He threw out his back and has been home for the last few days - nothing to track or try and crack. I am trying to play it cool but just want to punch him in the face. 

I'm playing a little bit - yesterday I went to the sandwich place I think she works as a side job and called and asked if he wanted a sand which - she wasn't there. If she was I probably would would have confronted her but I think I want to do it when they are both at work at the station.

I just don't know what to do and if I'm going to be able to hold back and wait for more info. I'd like to because I think it will make my decisions easier and clearer. I want to have all the control when I drop the hammer so to speak. My emotions are getting the best of me though.


----------



## thatbpguy

Kim C said:


> I'm about to go out of my tree. He threw out his back and has been home for the last few days - nothing to track or try and crack. I am trying to play it cool but just want to punch him in the face.
> 
> I'm playing a little bit - yesterday I went to the sandwich place I think she works as a side job and called and asked if he wanted a sand which - she wasn't there. If she was I probably would would have confronted her but I think I want to do it when they are both at work at the station.
> 
> I just don't know what to do and if I'm going to be able to hold back and wait for more info. I'd like to because I think it will make my decisions easier and clearer. I want to have all the control when I drop the hammer so to speak. My emotions are getting the best of me though.


Stay cool.

Be smart.

Think before you act.

You go girl!


----------



## ThePheonix

KC my girl, you don't have to do a damn thing right now. Remember to that a lot of military battles were lost when the Generals jumped the gun. Be patient and it will pay off.


----------



## whatslovegottodowithit?

Not sure what state you are in, but in IL if a firefighter gets injured in the line of duty (on a call or on the way to a call) and has to pension-off early, it's 65% of salary tax-free for his life along with insurance for the family...something to think about should that happen you'll know exactly how much child support is due.

On-duty, but not in the line of duty (slip and fall at station, training accident) it's standard workmen's comp. If pensions-off because of, benefits (% of salary) reduced and no family insurance, just individual.

Off-duty disability is 50% of salary taxable with no insurance. 

May vary based on your state's pension laws. My point, something to consider/think about seeing he suffers from back pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

Kim C said:


> I'm about to go out of my tree. He threw out his back and has been home for the last few days - nothing to track or try and crack. I am trying to play it cool but just want to punch him in the face.
> 
> I'm playing a little bit - yesterday I went to the sandwich place I think she works as a side job and called and asked if he wanted a sand which - she wasn't there. If she was I probably would would have confronted her but I think I want to do it when they are both at work at the station.
> 
> I just don't know what to do and if I'm going to be able to hold back and wait for more info. I'd like to because I think it will make my decisions easier and clearer. I want to have all the control when I drop the hammer so to speak. My emotions are getting the best of me though.


Oh... she works at the sandwich shop...

I would be tempted to printout one of the photos with the email info on the printout. Show up at the sandwich shop and just hand it to her. Then, after she has a heart attack, just leave with not a word...

Just make sure that you know where your husband is at the time and have a VAR there so you can capture at least his side of the conversation when he calls him in a meltdown. 

Maybe I'm just daydreaming... but it's a thought.


----------



## EleGirl

Who in your real life have you told about this? 

YOu need to have a person either in RL or use this board as a place to talk BEFORE you take any action.

Make up a to-do list. Then work the list one item at a time.

Exposure will be one of those things, but do it in the order that you plan.

Is there any chance that you will consider reconciliation? Or are you leaning towards divorce? Remember that as soon as you confront him, your attitude can change 100% between reconciliation/divorce. his reaction to disclosure can mean everything.


.


----------



## thatbpguy

EleGirl said:


> Oh... she works at the sandwich shop...
> 
> I would be tempted to printout one of the photos with the email info on the print out. Show up at the sandwich shop and just hand it to her. The after she has a heart attack just leave with not a word...
> 
> just make sure that you know where your husband is at the time and have a VAR there so you can capture at least his side of the conversation when he calls him in a meltdown.
> 
> Maybe I'm just daydreaming... but it's a thought.


Very devious. 

But I like it!


----------



## thatbpguy

EleGirl said:


> Who in your real life have you told about this?
> 
> YOu need to have a person either in RL or use this board as a place to talk BEFORE you take any action.
> 
> Make up a to-do list. Then work the list one item at a time.
> 
> Exposure will be one of those things, but do it in the order that you plan.
> 
> Is there any chance that you will consider reconciliation? Or are you leaning towards divorce? Remember that as soon as you confront him, your attitude can change 100% between reconciliation/divorce. his reaction to disclosure can mean everything.
> 
> 
> .


My $0.02 would be to expose everyone first. Then file. Then after a period of separation, think about reconciliation.


----------



## GusPolinski

EleGirl said:


> Oh... she works at the sandwich shop...
> 
> I would be tempted to printout one of the photos with the email info on the print out. Show up at the sandwich shop and just hand it to her. The after she has a heart attack just leave with not a word...
> 
> just make sure that you know where your husband is at the time and have a VAR there so you can capture at least his side of the conversation when he calls him in a meltdown.
> 
> Maybe I'm just daydreaming... but it's a thought.


This is devious. And I like it. :smthumbup:


----------



## EleGirl

thatbpguy said:


> My $0.02 would be to expose everyone first. Then file. Then after a period of separation, think about reconciliation.


Exposing before filing is more affective. What does it matter after filing since this means that there is no marriage anymore.

But exposing before she has her ducks in a row is not wise.

She can have everything ready, have finances in order, etc. Expose. Then file if after exposure she decides that there is no hope for the marriage or she just does not care anymore.


----------



## EleGirl

thatbpguy said:


> My $0.02 would be to expose everyone first. Then file. Then after a period of separation, think about reconciliation.


While I think that filing first can have it's advantages, a lot of people do not have thousands of dollars to blow on filing for a divorce as a strategy.


----------



## LongWalk

The best way to blow her up is to expose anonymously.

The exposure could be limited or wide ranging.

She may go apeshxt crazy towards your husband. Could be a good lesson to him.


----------



## alphaomega

Exposure at a bs workplace serves no purpose, except..

If you reconcile, you don't have an income and lose your house.

If you divorce, you don't get monetary support and lose your house.


----------



## whatslovegottodowithit?

What we don't know is how much 'evidence' the OW has i.e. If she kept the same pics and txt messages. If OW needs to work 2 jobs (one at a sammich shop) there is no telling if she will take OP's H down with her. OP's H could be OW's rebound and not care if he too could face discipline for receiving/engaging in conduct unbecoming while on the clock.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kim C

Trying to relax and have a nice Father's Day and doesn't she send an IIM under her maiden name which is a little odd just says Happys Father's Day. Really? Just when I thought I could do this.


----------



## MoonBay

So when are you planning to expose this nervy hussy? 

She's got balls (and no shame) IMing your husband on father's day.

She needs a swift sledgehammer to her toes.


----------



## Kim C

MoonBay said:


> So when are you planning to expose this nervy hussy?
> 
> She's got balls (and no shame) IMing your husband on father's day.
> 
> She needs a swift sledgehammer to her toes.


I know right - can't even give him a family day with his son. It may just happen sooner than later. This just sent me over the edge. To make matters worse he got it on his phone and came in the house and deleted it off his iPad so def. hiding it and pretty sure he has an idea I know and saw it. I am literally beside myself.


----------



## Gabriel

When you actually do something about this behavior, could you please let us know?

Thanks.

You have been lamenting and complaining about your situation (and rightfully so) for awhile now, but no actions have taken place. You have what you need. 

Time to act.


----------



## Kim C

Gabriel said:


> When you actually do something about this behavior, could you please let us know?
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> You have been lamenting and complaining about your situation (and rightfully so) for awhile now, but no actions have taken place. You have what you need.
> 
> Time to act.


I will for sure. I really have no one to talk to about it so this is my venting spot and I'm kind of looking for feedback. Some say wait and get your ducks in a row and others pounce. I'm kind of in the middle at the moment. It's just bad luck that he's been home with his back which limits me but do I really want to track him. I don't even know anymore. Maybe it's better to confront. I think I'll read some other threads and see what the rest of the world is up to.


----------



## Maricha75

Kim C said:


> Trying to relax and have a nice Father's Day and doesn't she send an IIM under her maiden name which is a little odd just says Happys Father's Day. Really? Just when I thought I could do this.



I was in "wait and see" mode after discovering my husband's EA starting. Took me 3-4 days to go from "ok, just don't be flirty" to "no more contact, period". I didn't expose to her fiance. I came here, read about exposure, and decided that if she started fishing, I was exposing. 2 1/2 months after D-day, she sent a Happy Father's Day text. One week later, her fiance received a letter from me. Now, I believe she intercepted, but the point is I sent it to him. Kim, expose her. Don't keep waffling back and forth.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## MoonBay

You have all of the info you need.

Blow up your husband, his skanky AP, and bust up the affair if you want to save your marriage.

Once everything comes to light your husband might wake up and throw the OW under the bus very quickly to save himself.


----------



## Kim C

She's divorced so no one really gives a shiet what she's doing except me! Believe me if she had a significant other we'd be going thru this together. It's work, bosses and some other wives that may be interested but again may screw myself so I need to be careful - so annoying. It will all come out soon. Thanks for your patience and thoughts. It seems like a long time but two weeks after 10 years of thinking everything was great is not too bad. I'm really still wrapping my head around it. You think you know someone. That's the hardest part for me. I had finally started to trust someone.


----------



## 3putt

Kim C said:


> She's divorced so no one really gives a shiet what she's doing except me! Believe me if she had a significant other we'd be going thru this together. It's work, bosses and some other wives that may be interested but again may screw myself so I need to be careful - so annoying. It will all come out soon. Thanks for your patience and thoughts. It seems like a long time but two weeks after 10 years of thinking everything was great is not too bad. I'm really still wrapping my head around it. You think you know someone. That's the hardest part for me. I had finally started to trust someone.


How about family and friends of hers? Any contact info for those peeps? Facebook?

There are plenty of ways to get to her side if you think about it.


----------



## The Middleman

3putt said:


> How about family and friends of hers? Any contact info for those peeps? Facebook?
> 
> There are plenty of ways to get to her side if you think about it.


Actually, getting those pics she sent your husband and posting them on Facebook isn't a bad idea. Why not let the world see it .... or at least all your husbnad's friends and family.


----------



## Kim C

3putt said:


> How about family and friends of hers? Any contact info for those peeps? Facebook?
> 
> There are plenty of ways to get to her side if you think about it.


Her dad is on the job with my husband - how's that for a kick in the butt!


----------



## 3putt

Kim C said:


> Her dad is on the job with my husband - how's that for a kick in the butt!


Not as big as the kick in the butt for her if she is exposed to her dad (and mom) for what she's doing with another man's wife.

I would get to work gathering info on other exposure targets and bring it all down on her at once.


----------



## whatslovegottodowithit?

Kim C said:


> Her dad is on the job with my husband - how's that for a kick in the butt!


Is her Dad in a position of authority, or more specifically, is he a higher rank than your H? If yes, you may have some nepotism also working against your H should discipline arise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

Kim C said:


> Her dad is on the job with my husband - how's that for a kick in the butt!


Expose her to her dad. He will very likely read her the riot act and tell her to stop it.

It is often advised to expose the OW/OM to their own parents.


----------



## Kim C

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> Is her Dad in a position of authority, or more specifically, is he a higher rank than your H? If yes, you may have some nepotism also working against your H should discipline arise.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



They are the same rank however he is on the board of selectmen.


----------



## whatslovegottodowithit?

Kim C said:


> They are the same rank however he is on the board of selectmen.


Ahhh...that may work in your favor then seeing as he wouldn't want his daughter to cause a controversy for him/his position. A talk with your 'information' with him could end this...that is how well do you know him and how do you think he'd respond? He may not want this info. out especially if you mention she will be subpoenaed should you file for D on grounds of adultery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kim C

I don't know him at all. The whole family seems pretty trailer park.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Kim C said:


> I know right - can't even give him a family day with his son. It may just happen sooner than later. This just sent me over the edge. To make matters worse he got it on his phone and came in the house and deleted it off his iPad so def. hiding it and pretty sure he has an idea I know and saw it. I am literally beside myself.


Do you really think she gives a sh1t about your kid ? 

You really think she believes she is doing something wrong ? She is saying hello to *HER MAN* on fathers day.. *YOU MEAN NOTHING TO HER*... Get this through your head.. 

I means seriously all you are is a thorn in her side.. How the fvck could you think otherwise.. 

I do commend you for trying to pretend everything is cool. I seen the cell phone bill and that is all I needed to confront. 

Whatever you choose just remember that he might be making his mind up as well. So be ready emotionally for that choice. Even when he says he wants to reconcile be ready for him to reverse it. 

I was blinded and just accepted R was R.. When my Ex wife reversed her decision I was utterly crushed and a blithering idiot. 

Hope it all works out for you though.


----------



## Wanabeelee

Kim,

Sorry your stuck where you are. It's hard and can make you second guess everything. 

I posted on cheaterville just his side of my ww affair. Then I used the anon email service on the site to send emails to his place of employment. I printed a letter and mailed it to his parents and sister. 

He got fired from where he worked. (even though nothing happened at his work place or useing any of his works resorces)
His parents invited him for lunch and disowned him.
His soon to be ex-wife abandoned all thoughts of R.
He lost his appartment.

He did threaten to sue me for damages but my wording was careful and the facts was true.


----------



## mahike

Kim

I am now a firm believer in exposure. I held off and it cost me a great deal. In your case I believe you have seen enough and I really believe it is time for action.

Expose this to her parents first
Then to your parents and then to his family. 

Make sure you are doing this without distractions and away from him. Do your best to knock it out within an hour before he has a chance to react to what is happening.

It does not matter if you want to R or D, does not matter if his back is hurt you tell him to get out. 

He really needs to know you are in charge and are not putting up with his Bull S.


----------



## Kim C

Hardtohandle said:


> Do you really think she gives a sh1t about your kid ?
> 
> You really think she believes she is doing something wrong ? She is saying hello to *HER MAN* on fathers day.. *YOU MEAN NOTHING TO HER*... Get this through your head..
> 
> I means seriously all you are is a thorn in her side.. How the fvck could you think otherwise..


Oh, I totally know and that's exactly what I thought and felt - did it not come across that way? It's pretty clear she's going after him for sure. Don't worry my eyes are wide open on her. I guess people's blatant disregard and respect for other's just shocks me at times. I'm old school - what can I say.

The funny part with all the thinking I've been doing about all of this - never once did I imagine that he would pick her over me - but I guess that's possible. It won't last once I'm done with them but I guess it's possible.


----------



## jack.c

why all this drama? I would just go where she works and say:
" hey! hows it going?... tell me something, what do you think if i share these pics with the rest of the department and with your dad?"
All done in a cool and cold way!
Then 180 on your WH... showing all your disgust at him


----------



## intuitionoramiwrong

jack.c said:


> why all this drama? I would just go where she works and say:
> " hey! hows it going?... tell me something, what do you think if i share these pics with the rest of the department and with your dad?"
> All done in a cool and cold way!
> Then 180 on your WH... showing all your disgust at him


I agree with this completely. Exposure is pushed on this site, rightfully so, but I think in this case, the above plan is enough.


----------



## NextTimeAround

jack.c said:


> why all this drama? I would just go where she works and say:
> " hey! hows it going?... tell me something, what do you think if i share these pics with the rest of the department and with your dad?"
> All done in a cool and cold way!
> Then 180 on your WH... showing all your disgust at him


This is the psycho way of handling things. You will most likely be escorted off the premises and your message will be completely lost.

IMO, the best way to expose is to line up the key people who can and most likely will want to put a stop to this. At least, you will be able to hold onto one last trump card.... that is, to go public with the whole affair.


----------



## PBear

Keep in mind that you have two quite distinct issues, and IMHO, you're focusing on the wrong one. You're worried too much about stopping her inappropriate behavior. The problem in your marriage, however, is that he was the happy and cheerful recepient of that bad behavior, and encouraged her to send more. And you don't know what else has happened that wasn't visible in the messages you saw. 

So what are you doing about your husband's part in all this?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## workindad

OP read what the Phoenix has suggested. Perhaps you can edit the screen shot from your husbands phone to crop out his name or identifying information. 

Then Post her pictures in all her glory to every free porno site you can find. Do it from a public wifi spot. 

Send a link to all of the fire department. I'm sure she'll be really happy that her dad sees that one. 

Keep in mind she may have no idea who posted the pictures as she could be sending the same pictures to other men as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jack.c

NextTimeAround said:


> This is the psycho way of handling things. You will most likely be escorted off the premises and your message will be completely lost.
> 
> IMO, the best way to expose is to line up the key people who can and most likely will want to put a stop to this. At least, you will be able to hold onto one last trump card.... that is, to go public with the whole affair.


PSYCHO way? Most of all the drama that we read here on TAM is psycho! At least in this case you will certainly scare the SHEEET of her, and also grab the WH by the @@! 
1 seed and 2 birds!!


----------



## youkiddingme

Kim, just wondering how this ended?


----------



## Kim C

youkiddingme said:


> Kim, just wondering how this ended?


I am watching and waiting. I have WW attached and there has been nothing exchanged between the two of them? No calls - texts - nothing. Of course it's not a perfect system so I want to give it some more time. I'd also like to try and recover the messages from his IPHONE and I haven't quite figured out the best way to go about that yet. I have to know before I confront. Everyone clearly has a different opinion about that but for me - knowledge is power. I almost said something last week but as is life .... everything in mine is blowing up at the same time and I'm about 2 minutes shy of a nervous breakdown.


----------



## barbados

Kim, just remember where your anger needs to be directed. 

TOWARDS YOUR WH !

No matter what the POSOW did or sent him, he had a CHOICE to ignore her if he wanted, to tell you a woman he works with was being inappropriate, to go tyo his superiors if necessary, etc.

He did none of that ! He chose to enter into this A. If its not this woman, it will be someone else, especially in his line of work.


----------



## Q tip

Thoughts. If you want a nuclear war, contact the newspapers. They can dig around a bit too. Boom! It is tax payer money yah know.


----------



## Kim C

barbados said:


> Kim, just remember where your anger needs to be directed.
> 
> TOWARDS YOUR WH !
> 
> No matter what the POSOW did or sent him, he had a CHOICE to ignore her if he wanted, to tell you a woman he works with was being inappropriate, to go tyo his superiors if necessary, etc.
> 
> He did none of that ! He chose to enter into this A. If its not this woman, it will be someone else, especially in his line of work.


I hate them both actually. I'm not sure where you got the impression that he's off the hook. The question is really how far has this gone and is it completely over or is there a chance for R? If it was an actual Affair - I'm done. There is no way that I could ever live with that and I told him that from day 1 which makes this all the more unbelievable. If it's some stupid **** taking the flirt thing to a totally unacceptable level and sending free porno pics. to a bunch of guys she works with than I'm totally pissed but not sure if it's worth ending my marriage. Maybe - but something I need to figure out for myself. That's why it's important that I figure out the truth before I confront.


----------



## Kim C

Q tip said:


> Thoughts. If you want a nuclear war, contact the newspapers. They can dig around a bit too. Boom! It is tax payer money yah know.


I've thought about it a 100 times. I've even thought of having someone call my husband to pretend they were from the paper inquiring about sexting allegations because they would route to him - just to see him wiggle. Though I'm sure he wouldn't even mention it to me. 
The sad part is that the whole thing would get twisted and she would claim that she was sexually harassed and felt that she had to send them and idiot H losses his job and pension.
I'm tempted to take her Tubbie Time picture and write For A Good Time Call 911 and put them on all the cars parked in town hall, police and fire. Even though her face isn't in the picture her necklace is!! Though result is probably the same.


----------



## the guy

Whats your lawyer have to say about all of this?

I think when some one send naked picks to a married spouse can't it be grounds for allienation of affection.( in some states)

At the very least the dispatcher has caused you undue stress.

Infidelity aside.....you still have hard proof /evidence that your old man was sent nude selfies?

Is this dispatcher interferring with a contract....a marital contract?

What sucks is the POSOW will call your old man out on harrassment....but then again thats between him and her....your case is still between her and you.

But what the phuck do I know, I'm just the guy.

My point is if you really want to screw with someone ...take them to court.

After over a month of this crap I would hire PI and be done with this crap!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Kim C

I can't afford to hire an attorney or a PI at this point. I think what I'm doing for now is OK. Allienation of affection, undue stress - yeah the F'd up my whole happy little world ... guess what... it doesn't really matter to anyone but me! It will roll back to him at some point but not until I'm ready and I know the story.


----------



## Augusto

what is the cell number for this *****? I will take a pic of a pigs balls, email them to her say "you like sending nude pics....please stick to your own kind"


----------



## youkiddingme

Thanks for the update Kim. Sorry that it seems your world is blowing up. And I agree with waiting until you have gathered all of the information that you can. Once you confront all evidence will disappear. There are some guys on these boards that can probably help you get the texts that you are looking for....cannot remember the name though.

hang in there,


----------



## Q tip

You could put her up in Cheaterville dot com. Evidence would be a censored edited pic of what she sent along with a nice description of what she does with married men. Her name and evidence. Use their random email to send out to her and a few choice folks. Also to your H and a message to him "you're next". 

That may make him see the light, confess and seek forgiveness...? That way you expose her, but not him (yet). The shock of it may stop it all in its tracks.

...and of course, you know nothing about Cheaterville or what it is. Always deny that. If he asks, say what picture is that? Then maybe, does she send those to everyone?


----------



## mahike

Kim C said:


> I am watching and waiting. I have WW attached and there has been nothing exchanged between the two of them? No calls - texts - nothing. Of course it's not a perfect system so I want to give it some more time. I'd also like to try and recover the messages from his IPHONE and I haven't quite figured out the best way to go about that yet. I have to know before I confront. Everyone clearly has a different opinion about that but for me - knowledge is power. I almost said something last week but as is life .... everything in mine is blowing up at the same time and I'm about 2 minutes shy of a nervous breakdown.


Kim cell phone, FB and texts are the basic. Cheaters also use snap chat, burner phones, on line games to chat and so on. I would go with a VAR in his car to catch him. Cheaters use the time in the car to talk. 

Also as stated post on Cheaterville. I would think twice about photos on the cars. it might violate a local law posting naked pictures in public


----------



## PBear

How are you verifying there's no contact?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Rubicon

Well, you said you want proof of a physical affair, I can tell you one thing, if you keep waiting on it like your doing and you will get it. Of course by then he may be in so deep you don't matter to him anymore.

If cheating is a deal breaker then it's done. He's having an affair, be it emotional, sexual or whatever it's happening and you are doing nothing so it will escalate until it is physical if it hasn't already. So is it a deal breaker or not? You did say you told him it was your one deal breaker didn't you?

If you really want R then you need to confront before it goes any further. Why are you waiting when we all know it's going to get worse if it hasn't already.

Sorry to say but it's like your staring at the gas gauge complaining you are about to run out of gas, all the while passing gas station after gas station... The result is some of us will have a hard time feeling sorry for you when the eventual post comes in saying "Well if finally happened..." As it sits, you are part of the conspiracy to keep this quiet so they can continue.... Think about that... you are helping them...

Look, every BS wants complete details and in almost every case they never get it. You have enough to know what's going on and your smart enough to know where it's leading if it hasn't gotten there already. The longer you let the band aid stick, the harder it's going to be to pull it off.

Good luck.


----------

