# Why would she do this???



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

After a very rough 4 years of marriage, my STBXW and I separated at Thanksgiving. She moved to her parents house and took our daughter with her. My previous posts tell my back story so I wont bore you with it again here. I was hurting for the first month, but I had accepted that we were really done and I started to improve after Christmas. And then on New Years Eve she posted a picture on Facebook of her and some guy with a caption that said something about Happy New Year and "new beginnings" bla bla bla. I went to her work and confronted he, She said he's "just a friend" and shes allowed to do what she wants since we are getting a divorce. I have since found out she met him a week after she moved out and has been seeing him ever since. He is getting a divorce too so I guess that's something they have to bond over. She finally filed last week so I guess now it's official. Since I have found out about this other guy I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and feeling very depressed. My question is, why would someone want to jump right into a relationship so quickly like that? It makes me feel like the 6 years of my life that I gave her were flushed down the drain. Im trying to figure out why she would do this and why does it hurt so much more now that I know I have been replaced so quickly?


----------



## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Lots of people can't do without being in a relationship...but often one formed so quickly won't last...it may be a "rebound" affair. It seems awfully quick on his part as well, to break up his marriage too. 

It is painful for you, of course, to feel like she can move on so quickly, making you feel "disposable"...but eventually you will get to a place where you don't even want to be with someone who could move on so easily. It has still only been a few months. All you can do is take care of yourself, and arrange to spend as much time with your child as possible. Whether her new relationship works out longterm or not, she is showing that she is "done" with your marriage. Better for your health and peace of mind to accept that, and find ways to move on in your life. Take care.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

Jane139 said:


> Lots of people can't do without being in a relationship...but often one formed so quickly won't last...it may be a "rebound" affair. It seems awfully quick on his part as well, to break up his marriage too.
> 
> It is painful for you, of course, to feel like she can move on so quickly, making you feel "disposable"...but eventually you will get to a place where you don't even want to be with someone who could move on so easily. It has still only been a few months. All you can do is take care of yourself, and arrange to spend as much time with your child as possible. Whether her new relationship works out longterm or not, she is showing that she is "done" with your marriage. Better for your health and peace of mind to accept that, and find ways to move on in your life. Take care.


Thank you for your input. Yes I think you are right. This was her way of finishing our Marriage off once and for all. It just seems morally wrong to me and just plain mean. But in hind site, this is what she had done in previous relationships so I guess I shouldn't be surprised she did it to me...


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

for your ex it is not about being morally wrong or right, its about filling a void, this way she does not have to be alone with her feelings and emotions about your marriage, i am guessing based on what you have noted here, (i haven't read your other posts) that she was the type of person who rarely if ever reflected on her actions or inactions, that she was quick to place blame on others then herself, she will continue to escape from one relationship to another, and i promise this one she is in right now will not last and she will be on to still another......if i were you the biggest issue at hand you have to be concern with is ensuring that this does not impact your daughter, and her safety with other men.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

Xenote said:


> for your ex it is not about being morally wrong or right, its about filling a void, this way she does not have to be alone with her feelings and emotions about your marriage, i am guessing based on what you have noted here, (i haven't read your other posts) that she was the type of person who rarely if ever reflected on her actions or inactions, that she was quick to place blame on others then herself, she will continue to escape from one relationship to another, and i promise this one she is in right now will not last and she will be on to still another......if i were you the biggest issue at hand you have to be concern with is ensuring that this does not impact your daughter, and her safety with other men.


Yes you are describing her exactly. I am very concerned with my daughters welfare. My daughter is my STBXW's from a previous relationship and I adopted her. We have a court date next week to decide custody/parenting time and also she is asking for child support. Blows my mind that Im going to have to pay for a child that isn't my biological child, but that looks like what is going to happen.


----------



## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Well...an adopted child is the same as a biological child, in the eyes of the law...when you adopt you are taking on the child as your own forever, just as a bio-child would be.


----------



## not recognizable (Mar 19, 2011)

" why would someone want to jump right into a relationship so quickly like that"

It's called a rebound relationship, it's for comfort and pain avoidance, and if it's any consolation, they VERY rarely last.


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

The feeling of your being diminished is a reflection of your self worth...not her actions.

Her actions ( and his) are typical of people who are filling the void with another person. The fact that they are both in process of divorcing makes it seem more "fated" and easier to rationalize in their eyes.

In your eyes, it may look like you have been casually tossed aside and easily replaced.
Trust me, you are nothing of the sort.
Its a convenience when a person has ripped out a piece of themselves to grab the first hunk of barely suitable breathing flesh and grab onto it.
They can transfer those loving feelings over onto them and pretend they are doing the right thing. Its really an Ad-Hoc post relationship affair/band aid.
Its pretty much the equivalent of shoving a beer bottle into a buckshot wound. Sure it will work, but how long is this a viable solution?
Just like an affair, the smoke will clear they will realize they hooked up with a person who is evenly matched in the "Damn you are Effed Up!" department.
In six to twelve months you are going to be laughing very hard as she realizes this when her new boy toy drops her like crocodile poop.

In the meantime use her foggy weird state to your advantage and take her for everything you feel you deserve.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

Thank you all for your input. Yes, I know my daughter is my responsibility for good now since adopted her, and I am ok with that. I love her and am going to do my best to be a good dad for her. I'm just not very happy she is asking for child support after many assurances before we got married and since we seperated that she would never want that. Apparantly the attorney changed her mind. 1 more reason I hate attorneys. Now I feel I have to jump through all her hoops to try to get her to change her mind. This includes keeping my daughter overnight even when not really necessary for her work because my STBXW "has plans" ,aka screwing her boyfriend. She is giving him everything I needed, but refused to give to me. It hurts. It's like my worst fears have all come true at once...


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

It gets even crazier! So yesterday was my STBXW's Birthday and she said she thought she was going to be able to get off work early so she wanted to pick up our daughter early. I was fine with that, so a little later I got a text from her that said " send her out". So as I'm sending my daughter out through the garage and I see a SUV I don't recognize and I tell my daughter to go back in the house. I can't see who's in the vehicle so I walk out there and as I walk up to the window I realize it's this guy my Wife has been screwing since she left 6 weeks ago! I have never met him and she has never even admitted that she's been seeing him, but I know who he is and what they've been up to. I said "what is this about?" and he told me with the attitude that most cops have that he was there to pick up my Daughter. I was floored! I told him no way was he taking my Daughter and I told him to leave. I went back in the house to my 2 kids asking a million questions and then my phone starts blowing up. It's STBXW screaming at me to send our Daughter with this guy. I refuse and hang up on her. So I then ask my Daughter if she knew who that was and she said yes that's her Moms friend and she has been to his house, played with his daughters and went in his hot tub. Apparently her Mom told her not to tell me. I am just blown away by the audacity of STBXW and the newest sucker! She's only been moved out 6 weeks and only filed last week!She thinks she can just send her new errand boy over to pick up our Daughter?! How did I marry a woman with no morals? And not just once, this is second time a Wife has cheated on me! How is this my life???????????


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

needing_affection said:


> How did I marry a woman with no morals? And not just once, this is second time a Wife has cheated on me! How is this my life???????????


----------



## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

At least she is giving you plenty of reasons not to want her back...
Did you call your lawyer? I don't think it is unreasonable to require the wife to pick up your children herself...certainly sending someone unknown to you doesn't sound right. It is a shame she has allowed someone new into her children's lives to this extent so quickly. I would consider filing for full custody, if that is something you want. She is helping you get it.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

Jane139 said:


> At least she is giving you plenty of reasons not to want her back...
> Did you call your lawyer? I don't think it is unreasonable to require the wife to pick up your children herself...certainly sending someone unknown to you doesn't sound right. It is a shame she has allowed someone new into her children's lives to this extent so quickly. I would consider filing for full custody, if that is something you want. She is helping you get it.


Yes I talked to my Lawyer about it. He agreed that I didn't have to allow my D to go with him. They would never give an adoptive Father full custody over the Paternal Mother for anything less than serious abuse. This isn't abuse its just morally wrong and can't be very good for my D. I'm sure this guy and his Daughters wont be around very long so I'm sad for my D. Such a strange situation I'm in...


----------



## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

needing_affection said:


> It gets even crazier! So yesterday was my STBXW's Birthday and she said she thought she was going to be able to get off work early so she wanted to pick up our daughter early. I was fine with that, so a little later I got a text from her that said " send her out". So as I'm sending my daughter out through the garage and I see a SUV I don't recognize and I tell my daughter to go back in the house. I can't see who's in the vehicle so I walk out there and as I walk up to the window I realize it's this guy my Wife has been screwing since she left 6 weeks ago! I have never met him and she has never even admitted that she's been seeing him, but I know who he is and what they've been up to. I said "what is this about?" and he told me with the attitude that most cops have that he was there to pick up my Daughter. I was floored! I told him no way was he taking my Daughter and I told him to leave. I went back in the house to my 2 kids asking a million questions and then my phone starts blowing up. It's STBXW screaming at me to send our Daughter with this guy. I refuse and hang up on her. So I then ask my Daughter if she knew who that was and she said yes that's her Moms friend and she has been to his house, played with his daughters and went in his hot tub. Apparently her Mom told her not to tell me. I am just blown away by the audacity of STBXW and the newest sucker! She's only been moved out 6 weeks and only filed last week!She thinks she can just send her new errand boy over to pick up our Daughter?! How did I marry a woman with no morals? And not just once, this is second time a Wife has cheated on me! How is this my life???????????


Needing_affection, I think you need to spend some money.

You need to buy No More Mr. Nice Guy, and pay to have someone read it to you again and again until you can recite it word for word. Then contact a Psychologist, and ask them if you can write a thesis-grade paper on the topics in the book, to demonstrate (to yourself) that you REALLY UNDERSTAND the knowledge discussed therein.

In the mean time, get counseling. Lots and lots of therapy. Learn about setting boundaries on acceptable behavior in relationships.

With the Therapist's help, come to understand the flaws inside you that cause you to make these bad choices that keep screwing up your life.

Don't date anyone until you figure out why you like women who don't like you.

Separate from that, I have a little rule that you can take and live by, and it will save you just SO MUCH TROUBLE down the road.

Don't adopt other people's kids.

Anyone reading about a guy who finds out that the kid he raised from birth isn't his feels sorry for the guy. He was deceived in a most cruel and disgusting manner.

You formally adopted some other man's kid. You dug your own hole, here, guy, and you are going to get what you deserve.

You can't fix your ex. You might be able to fix yourself, with a lot of work and outside help.

In answer to the question you pose as the title of this thread,

She did it because she can. She did it because she doesn't respect or love you, and quite possibly never did. She is doing it because you love her about 1000% more than she loves you.

If you were my friend, I would advise you to get a really good lawyer and try like hell to cede full custody of HER DAUGHTER, NOT YOURS, to this woman you accidentally married, in exchange for no child support or spousal support.

Why don't you spend a few minutes thinking about the future being laid out for you, here?

You'll be paying child support towards a daughter that isn't yours.

You won't get to see her.

Her mother will make DAMN SURE that this child doesn't like you.

All your efforts will be wasted. You will have nothing to show for your efforts and sacrifices.

Is that the life you want, going forward?

(Please also note that I am not in any way opposed to helping step-children out. Give them a stable home, help them out with College as much as you can. Just don't formally adopt them. The legal system sullies everything it touches, and adoption is not any different).


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

NotLikeYou said:


> Needing_affection, I think you need to spend some money.
> 
> You need to buy No More Mr. Nice Guy, and pay to have someone read it to you again and again until you can recite it word for word. Then contact a Psychologist, and ask them if you can write a thesis-grade paper on the topics in the book, to demonstrate (to yourself) that you REALLY UNDERSTAND the knowledge discussed therein.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your opinion. Some of it is probably right ,but some of it is wrong. I am in counseling and she is trying to help me figure out why I chose these women. I wouldn't give up my Parental Rights even if it was legal, which it isn't. she is my Daughter now and I will treat her as such as long as she wants me too. If her Mother turns her against me for some reason, so be it. Atleast I kept my word.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I guess I don't understand the charges of morally wrong. You guys are done, so why do you get to decide how long she must wait to date? It's not your business, even though it hurts. May not be the wisest idea, but maybe she was checked out of the marriage long before you. 

I do agree that you shouldn't send your daughter with some guy you don't know but there's no need fight with her. Simply tell her that you understand that her business is her business but you don't know this guy and you're not sending her with a stranger. Period. Remember that unless you think she's in danger you can't control who your ex has around, and you don't want to because that will give her carte blanche to stick her nose in when you meet someone, which you eventually will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jin (Sep 9, 2014)

Seems unlikely she only met this guy after she moved out. 

Sorry for what you are going through.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

needing_affection said:


> It gets even crazier! So yesterday was my STBXW's Birthday and she said she thought she was going to be able to get off work early so she wanted to pick up our daughter early. I was fine with that, so a little later I got a text from her that said " send her out". So as I'm sending my daughter out through the garage and I see a SUV I don't recognize and I tell my daughter to go back in the house. I can't see who's in the vehicle so I walk out there and as I walk up to the window I realize it's this guy my Wife has been screwing since she left 6 weeks ago! I have never met him and she has never even admitted that she's been seeing him, but I know who he is and what they've been up to. I said "what is this about?" and he told me with the attitude that most cops have that he was there to pick up my Daughter. I was floored! I told him no way was he taking my Daughter and I told him to leave. I went back in the house to my 2 kids asking a million questions and then my phone starts blowing up. It's STBXW screaming at me to send our Daughter with this guy. I refuse and hang up on her. So I then ask my Daughter if she knew who that was and she said yes that's her Moms friend and she has been to his house, played with his daughters and went in his hot tub. Apparently her Mom told her not to tell me. I am just blown away by the audacity of STBXW and the newest sucker! She's only been moved out 6 weeks and only filed last week!She thinks she can just send her new errand boy over to pick up our Daughter?! How did I marry a woman with no morals? And not just once, this is second time a Wife has cheated on me! How is this my life???????????






> And then on New Years Eve she posted a picture on Facebook of her and some guy with a caption that said something about Happy New Year and "new beginnings" bla bla bla. I went to her work and confronted he, She said he's "just a friend" and shes allowed to do what she wants since we are getting a divorce. I have since found out she met him a week after she moved out and has been seeing him ever since. He is getting a divorce too so I guess that's something they have to bond over. She finally filed last week so I guess now it's official.


Now this makes total sense. She was cheating for quite a bit before she separated from you..The moved out at the same time to get divorces from their respective SO's.

Find out about this guy..


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I guess I don't understand the charges of morally wrong. You guys are done, so why do you get to decide how long she must wait to date? It's not your business, even though it hurts. May not be the wisest idea, but maybe she was checked out of the marriage long before you.
> 
> I do agree that you shouldn't send your daughter with some guy you don't know but there's no need fight with her. Simply tell her that you understand that her business is her business but you don't know this guy and you're not sending her with a stranger. Period. Remember that unless you think she's in danger you can't control who your ex has around, and you don't want to because that will give her carte blanche to stick her nose in when you meet someone, which you eventually will.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess morals are subjective, but to me if you are married and haven't even filed for divorce, then it is morally wrong to be screwing around. It's not like it had been 6 months. She met him 1 week after she moved out and that was only 6 weeks ago. Though I do agree she was checked out awhile ago. That's why she went to her parents, our fighting about her putting no effort into our marriage...


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Now this makes total sense. She was cheating for quite a bit before she separated from you..The moved out at the same time to get divorces from their respective SO's.
> 
> Find out about this guy..


I have found out a lot about him. His wife left him and she filed for divorce. Im really sure they weren't seeing each other before she left because of a few reasons...I have her phone records that show his phone # showing up on the night that I know she went out with her girlfriends a week after she left me, it wasn't on there before that and also I know someone that was there the night she met him. Looking back at her history, I shouldn't be surprised. She always jumped from one relationship right into another one. Why should ours be any different. Either way it doesn't really matter. We are done. I just have to figure out how to clean up this mess and move on. Hopefully one day I can meet a normal woman who will truly love me.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

needing_affection said:


> I guess morals are subjective, but to me if you are married and haven't even filed for divorce, then it is morally wrong to be screwing around. It's not like it had been 6 months. She met him 1 week after she moved out and that was only 6 weeks ago. Though I do agree she was checked out awhile ago. That's why she went to her parents, our fighting about her putting no effort into our marriage...



I understand, there is something unseemly about it. I wouldn't date separated people or even newly divorced people but that's me. I think some of it comes from hurt rather than morals and that's ok. if you met a woman you clicked with you'd really turn her away because you're still technically married? 

Keep your head up though and maintain a position of strength, which is that her life is not your concern. This will give you more authority to make an issue of strange men, otherwise you'll just look like it's not about your daughter but about controlling your ex. People do that all the time and it's weak.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I understand, there is something unseemly about it. I wouldn't date separated people or even newly divorced people but that's me. I think some of it comes from hurt rather than morals and that's ok. if you met a woman you clicked with you'd really turn her away because you're still technically married?
> 
> Keep your head up though and maintain a position of strength, which is that her life is not your concern. This will give you more authority to make an issue of strange men, otherwise you'll just look like it's not about your daughter but about controlling your ex. People do that all the time and it's weak.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That makes a lot of sense...thank you. I am trying to keep my head up, but it's tough right now. Hopefully someday I can look back at all of this and laugh and be glad that my life is so much better...


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

needing_affection said:


> I just have to figure out how to clean up this mess and move on.


 You start by hiring a good lawyer and let him do the cleaning up. That's why they make the big bucks. Let him do the fighting for you.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

6301 said:


> You start by hiring a good lawyer and let him do the cleaning up. That's why they make the big bucks. Let him do the fighting for you.


Yea I did that last week. Sucked handing over $1700 retainer that will be used up pretty quick at $200/hr ,but I guess that's what I had to do. Really would've rather spent that on the 70" TV i've been dreaming of...


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

needing_affection said:


> Yea I did that last week. Sucked handing over $1700 retainer that will be used up pretty quick at $200/hr ,but I guess that's what I had to do. Really would've rather spent that on the 70" TV i've been dreaming of...


Fwiw 60" is going to be the new 55" as far as price reductions.

Btw look up the term monkey vining.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> Fwiw 60" is going to be the new 55" as far as price reductions.
> 
> Btw look up the term monkey vining.


Looked it up, that sounds like her...thanks..i think


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Why would you begrudge paying child support for your daughter? I don't understand that at all. I know she's adopted, but that shouldn't make any difference...


----------



## TroyN (Jan 24, 2014)

needing_affection said:


> After a very rough 4 years of marriage, my STBXW and I separated at Thanksgiving. She moved to her parents house and took our daughter with her. My previous posts tell my back story so I wont bore you with it again here. I was hurting for the first month, but I had accepted that we were really done and I started to improve after Christmas. And then on New Years Eve she posted a picture on Facebook of her and some guy with a caption that said something about Happy New Year and "new beginnings" bla bla bla. I went to her work and confronted he, She said he's "just a friend" and shes allowed to do what she wants since we are getting a divorce. I have since found out she met him a week after she moved out and has been seeing him ever since. He is getting a divorce too so I guess that's something they have to bond over. She finally filed last week so I guess now it's official. Since I have found out about this other guy I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and feeling very depressed. My question is, why would someone want to jump right into a relationship so quickly like that? It makes me feel like the 6 years of my life that I gave her were flushed down the drain. Im trying to figure out why she would do this and why does it hurt so much more now that I know I have been replaced so quickly?


I know precisely the feelings that you have. My ex-wife did the same thing and she will be marrying him very soon. You feel inadequate, sad, depressed, and extremely hurt that she can behave this way after making a such sacred vow. Life is extremely cruel and unfair.

What you will realize is that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Some people cannot be alone and will take the closest piece of driftwood and hang on to it for security. 

Whatever you do, don't let her skewed way of thinking and behaving determine your self worth. Her self-worth is directly tied into in the relationships she has at the moment and not what she brings to the table as an individual. She probably has very little self-worth. 

You should actually feel bad for her for being such a desperate person. I know that I look back at my ex-wife as someone I'm completely disgusted by. I now have a woman who blows my ex-wife out of the water. 

Buddy - You will get through this. The number one thing you should do is man up and do what's best for your daughters. It's clear that your ex-wife isn't - so someone needs to step up and guide them.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

needing_affection said:


> My question is, why would someone want to jump right into a relationship so quickly like that?


Either she was already over your marriage so it was easy for her to move on or

She was already involved with him before she left you (Cheating) or

Some people just can't be alone to save their life.

I am sorry. It hurts badly. But you are better off.

Take time to heal yourself.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Why would you begrudge paying child support for your daughter? I don't understand that at all. I know she's adopted, but that shouldn't make any difference...


When my now wife and I had been dating for 2 years and talking about possible marriage, her Daughters (now my Daughters) Bio Dad showed up wanting see his child after being gone for 3 years. He had a drug problem and just wasnt a very good person. At that point I had already developed a strong bond with my Daughter and thought of her as my own so I agreed to Marry my STBXW and adopt her 
Daughter after we had her Bio Dads rights terminated. Basically I saved my STBXW and Daughter from a very bad situation. So while I love my Daughter and will continue being her Dad, I don't see why I should have to pay for the next 9 years. My STBXW already took advantage of me in so many ways while we were married so now I have to struggle financially for the next 9 years too? She makes really good money as a RN and doesnt need mine too. The whole thing just doesn't seem right...


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

TroyN said:


> I know precisely the feelings that you have. My ex-wife did the same thing and she will be marrying him very soon. You feel inadequate, sad, depressed, and extremely hurt that she can behave this way after making a such sacred vow. Life is extremely cruel and unfair.
> 
> What you will realize is that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Some people cannot be alone and will take the closest piece of driftwood and hang on to it for security.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your kind words. It makes me feel better hearing there is hope after this Train wreck...


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Either she was already over your marriage so it was easy for her to move on or
> 
> She was already involved with him before she left you (Cheating) or
> 
> ...


Thank you...


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

Just found out that my STBXW is gone on a tropical vacation with her new "friend". I know it shouldnt bother me, but it hurts. She is giving this guy all of things that I have needed during our marriage, but she refused to give me. I'm sure she is being the fun, affectionate girl that she was when we were dating. I know this relationship with him won't last, but it still sucks right now. Both of my kids have plans for this weekend, so I am stuck with a empty house while my "wife" is off with another man. Sometimes I wonder if I should've just stuck it out with her. As miserable as I was, I am 10x as miserable now. FML.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Read about poster buff. Crushing defeat to epic win.

Read poster frankman. He's a bit ahead of you emotionally but you can watch his turn in mood.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

I just finished reading the full bff thread. All I can say is wow...I wish I was 1/2 as emotionally strong as him. Very encouraging! Thanks for suggesting it. I will read frankmans next...


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

Well it took almost 2 more hours but I finished frankmans thread. He seems like he is doing well. Also, It seems to me he has healed at a very quick rate. I'm jealous of that. You are right WL, he is way ahead of me emotionally. I am definitely better than I was a few weeks ago, but still very sad and angry. I think because this is my 2nd failed marriage and I'm turning 40 next month have combined to intensify the pain. I know I will get there eventually, I just wish it would come at a much quicker rate. Anybody have a time machine I can borrow?


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

frank an is an exception in many ways.

besides time, when we kick his butt pointing out what looks obvious to us, he sometimes actually looks at the situation.

his hurt side was overwhelming his very strong tendency for monogamy and relationships. it's simply obvious a steady girl is what he enjoys. I told him to simply admit to himself that he needed to let that be a future possibility. not that he is going to get a girlfriend next week... but in several months or years when the right one comes along. notice he uses the term conflicted less now.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

btw. thanks. yes I meant bff. I hate autocorrect.

he is over 4 months out from dday. probably 6 months from being pushed away by her. she helped him in one way by severing the connections from her side making detaching easier. note I did not say easy.

he should have a brief manslvt stage coming up. they often do.


----------



## needing_affection (Jan 2, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> frank an is an exception in many ways.
> 
> besides time, when we kick his butt pointing out what looks obvious to us, he sometimes actually looks at the situation.
> 
> his hurt side was overwhelming his very strong tendency for monogamy and relationships. it's simply obvious a steady girl is what he enjoys. I told him to simply admit to himself that he needed to let that be a future possibility. not that he is going to get a girlfriend next week... but in several months or years when the right one comes along. notice he uses the term conflicted less now.


I am alot like him when it comes to monogomy. It is what comes natural to me and makes me feel the best. I have a friend that has a different girl every few weeks. I don't know how he does it. Definitely not for me. I do hope someday to meet someone and be in a long term relationship again, but probably not marriage. I have alot of healing to do first. Also I need to figure out why I keep choosing the type of women I do and how to avoid it in the future. Thanks again for your help WL...


----------

