# From Romance Novels to Spanking Stories. How to proceed



## Balzaar (Aug 29, 2013)

Hi folks. I have been lurking for awhile and I have come to appreciate the straightforward feedback that is given here. I have an interesting development in my marriage and I am not quite sure how to proceed.

Background. Married just a bit over 20 years. Your typical ups and downs but mostly great. We were both pretty inexperienced sexually and kind of grew together from novices to tried just about everything.

Over the past 6 years we kind of swapped roles professionally. Her career (which started when the kids were in middle school) escalated and I was downsized numerous times until I got some consulting work here and there. 

I never really thought that much about it until about six months ago when a light bulb came on in my head. I recognized that She had become quite alpha and I had become a beta male (this forum helped me recognize this). I quickly implemented the 180 and have had some success in turning things around but I see that it takes a great deal of consistency and that is ok.

I also noticed our sex life had really slowed down. What used to be 2-3 times a week was all the sudden once every 10-14 days. At first I wrote it off to her high pressure job and then after reading more here I thought she may be involved with someone. After extensive snooping over a long period of time I realized that was a dead end.

Finally one night I noticed that she was hiding her ipad from me. This was really odd because it was obvious she was taking no chances. She had always read romance novels and I knew she could not have been hiding those from me. So I did a little snooping and was surprised to find out she is all over the net looking at spanking pics, downloading stories, watching clips etc. 

Now I at times have spanked her playfully during sex but nothing like this. We are talking OTK spanking and caning. What I have noticed more recently is that she is looking at the books where the guy is the ripped alpha male who takes no nonsense at all from his women and is handing out spankings whenever said female gets slightly "out of line".

Now I know this all sounds like it could be a great deal of fun and I am more than willing to open the door and let her know I am onto her but I have to be honest and say I am a bit concerned about her not wanting me to be the guy that hands out any discipline. Any thoughts? Sorry for the length of my initial post.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you watch porn?


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## Balzaar (Aug 29, 2013)

On occasion.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I agree with where your line of thinking is. If she is reading a lot of spanking stories it means she is turned on by the alpha male. As he job makes demands on her to be decisive, to lead, to usher forth action, she is looking for someone else to take the reins at home. Yup, that's where you come in.

Next time an opportunity arrives, promise her a spanking if she doesn't shape up. Do this playfully at first. Say she forgets to buy milk on the way home or something normal forgotten about that hasn't ever been a big deal. Just whisper in her ear that you are very disappointed in her and she will get a spanking once the kids are in bed.... Then kiss her neck and and say, I bet you'd like that wouldn't you?

I sometimes read those spanking stories and I find them quite a turn on. My husband has playfully spanked me when I forget to put something into recycle and instead the trash. Of course this only happens when it's just us in the kitchen. but the other day I crushed up a pasta box and put it in the trash. He snapped his fingers at me and gave me one of those looks! It was a visual spank and it worked just as well, to both remind me about recycle and turned me on.

I say go for it!


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

> I am a bit concerned about her *not* wanting me to be the guy that hands out any discipline. Any thoughts? Sorry for the length of my initial post.


Why are you waste time worrying about that? You should take steps to make sure you *are* that guy! If you don't mind getting into it and are ok with it you should be doing your "research".


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

We too have gone down similar roads before. 
Not quite sure how it all started but I assume its from the literature on her kindle (God forbid the kids ever lay their hands on it). 
Maybe 18 months back she implied that she would like to be spanked. My initial attempts were a little clumsy so I decided to read a few of her novels. Pretty adept now. I can just give her a look and she knows what's coming. 
I prefer using my hands. She likes the belt. But I feel hands give you more control. 
But beware. She could turn the tables on you. More than once she has decided that she wants to be in charge and before you know it your bent over the bed, ass in the air and well you can figure out the rest. 
I say go for it, it's good clean fun.


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## Balzaar (Aug 29, 2013)

Thanks folks. I appreciate the advice and encouragement. I received a PM that was helpful as well.


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## Cobre (Feb 24, 2013)

tap that...a$$..ha works.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Balzaar said:


> I have to be honest and say I am a bit concerned about her not wanting me to be the guy that hands out any discipline.





Balzaar said:


> On occasion.


When you watch porn, do you have preferences that you don’t want your wife to do.. .meaning that you want some other woman to do?


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## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

Many women got into the 50 Shades of Grey. This series has caused more problems in marriages since it woke up women to their sexual urges. I would bet that your wife has read this book if not all 3 books.
My wife did and she tried to get me to read it. I refused. Wish I had 2 years ago. This issue along with my ED problem was a big part of my separation. Luckily I read the books and now know that she is into spanking. I actually enjoy it because I know I am pleasing my wife.


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## Balzaar (Aug 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> When you watch porn, do you have preferences that you don’t want your wife to do.. .meaning that you want some other woman to do?


Other than bizarre kink, which I do not ever watch, I cannot think of anything I would not want to engage in with her. I see where you are going but it is not applicable here.


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## Balzaar (Aug 29, 2013)

noas55 said:


> Many women got into the 50 Shades of Grey. This series has caused more problems in marriages since it woke up women to their sexual urges. I would bet that your wife has read this book if not all 3 books.
> My wife did and she tried to get me to read it. I refused. Wish I had 2 years ago. This issue along with my ED problem was a big part of my separation. Luckily I read the books and now know that she is into spanking. I actually enjoy it because I know I am pleasing my wife.


She downloaded it and dumped it the same day. Go figure.


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## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

Balzaar said:


> She downloaded it and dumped it the same day. Go figure.


That may be good. She may just be into spanking and not the other stuff or maybe she is not wanting to be submissive to that level.
My wife does not want to be that submissive either. The book woke her up from her VANILLA sex life. I was her first and married for 24 years. We don't spank all the time, but she does love the nipple & breast hard play. That is her favorite really.
I wonder if your wife discovered the stuff before the book, possibly from porn?
Could it be more about roleplaying? Like she is a bad girl?


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