# How to proceed?



## Angela1977 (Jun 19, 2017)

After posting yesterday and writing down how I was feeling it's become more clear that I am indifferent to my marriage. I don't know how something is fixable if you're indifferent to it. I have booked an appointment with a marriage counselor, either to gain some insight that I may not be able to see thru the fog of apathy and depression or to talk to a professional about how best to the end the relationship and how to best go about it for both myself and spouse.
My question is, what now? Do I basically keep a holding pattern until the therapist is able to get me in? Do I have a consultation with an attorney? Should I bring up to my husband that I've booked the appointment, knowing that I'll be criticized for not being happy. Are there resources that someone can recommend?
Thanks for reading.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to see an attorney ASAP. Do not tell your husband. By his constant attacks on you, he has lost the right to being given prior notice. 

Make a plan, what are all the things that you need to do to divorce him and start a new life on your own ? Make the plan and work it.

If you are moving out of the house (is that what you are doing?), then get a place and move. 

Then tell him that you have moved.

Then have him served.

That way you do not have to put up with his abuse.

If you talk to a counselor while you are working your plan, then discuss it with them. 

If I were you, I would not tell him alone in person. It sounds like he will simply verbally attack you. So find a way to do it that protects you.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

I guess it depends on how long you can hold out. A good counselor can guide you through this and even perhaps give you some insight that you haven't thought of. A good counselor will know what questions to ask you after listening. Like I said… Just depends on how long you can hold out. Maybe you shouldn't make any sudden moves?

I suppose it would not hurt to get a consultation from an attorney. Just make sure you tell the attorney EVERTHING. Attorneys do not like being thrown surprises. If you consult an attorney they will be on your side. So be honest. 

I really think you should process this. Don't jump to any conclusions. Dump your affair partner and get counseling.. Do this heads up and have clarity. You don't need to have the burden of an affair weighing on you when you're trying to make a major decision in your life. This will do everybody a favor in the long run. You don't want your husband getting a phone call exposing this affair right now. And yes that can happen. You need to be clear of that mess. Trust me. It is a mess. And when you decide to separate or if you decide to separate, your husband will be on high alert. So do this like an adult. It will cause a lot less guilt in the end for you. And that guilt can weigh pretty hard. You don't need that. That will hurt you more than you know. 


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## Angela1977 (Jun 19, 2017)

Thank you both.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

Taking charge now and not taking action in a heated moment will make this go a lot smoother. 

I'm terribly sorry you're going through this. Good luck. 


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Get your move out plan in place first, then tell him you're leaving.


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## TheRealMcCoy (Apr 13, 2017)

Just be sure that when you tell him you are leaving, he KNOWS it's over. If you waffle, give him another chance, then everybody loses. 

Don't bother with the therapy. It won't help. He's been conditioned for quite a few years to know that you'll put up with him. 



Angela1977 said:


> My husband has always been critical of me, immature, petty, and has some narcissistic tendencies.
> 
> He is very critical of me, always has been.


You said it twice even. Totally changed since marriage? NOTHING to indicate this controlling behavior while you two were courtin'? 

And watch the magic happen once he realizes you're serious. That you are really gone.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Angela1977 said:


> I have booked an appointment with a marriage counselor, either to gain some insight that I may not be able to see thru the fog of apathy and depression


You mean the fog of infidelity, right?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

turnera said:


> You mean the fog of infidelity, right?


Ah yes, The Fog.....

The Fog is a wonderful place, your heart races, your step and motions pick up.

Oh, the smile that comes to your face.... seemingly out of nowhere. You are in Manic Heaven.

You feel that twinge between your legs, the blush of anticipation and having newfound joy reddens your face.

The Fog is a wonderful place. How you get to Fog Heaven 'often' is the quandary.

The acceptable path is up the ladder, by chance, by happenstance, by luck. By deliberately looking for this Shangra La. By the love of God and those on the 'other' side.

The other path is a long slippery one. No street lamps to light the way. You get there by selling your soul. Dropping your guard....dropping your pants. This not 'be' the acceptable way. 

Admittedly, both Fogs feel good...they do. 

The acceptable path takes you into that one hundred percent humidity with respondent grateful humility. You feel so alive, so positive when in it. And when you leave the Fog, no mark or tint adulterates your flesh or your thoughts.. 

The other path takes you into that warm sauna that soothes your soul, your flesh, but leaves your mind yearning for more permanence. No humility is felt. No, only selfish gratification. And when you leave the Fog from that same entry path, your skin gains a sallow look, gray tints at the edges. Your Aura shines not. It becomes splotched, dark brown to black it displays.


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