# 24 year old,Divorce as an option?



## Wife1209 (Dec 8, 2017)

Hello Everyone,

For the past couple of months my relationship with my DH has been rough. We have good time but during an argument things get really bad. In our last argument I asked if he still loved me but his response was "I don't know". Then a couple minutes later he always says he speaks out of anger and that he "doesn't really mean it." There is just a mix of many things he says/ does. He use to be the type to say nice things but now he is more on the rude side. I do not feel appreciated at home or by my husband. We are both young (24) I feel like we are so young to be this unhappy.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

How about you both get some marriage counselling for a while? They will be able to help you learn to communicate more effectively. Please don't even think of divorce, you can't run away every time things get a bit hard in life.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

MC is a good idea. There are a ton of excellent books which may help. "5 Love Languages", and "His Needs, Her Needs" are two I would start with. There are many others.

Philosophically, divorce should always be an option. You don't threaten divorce because he didn't put his dirty plate in the dishwasher, but rather there is no obligation for either one of you to stay in a bad marriage if the other person is not working hard with you to make it acceptable. What I mean is, if you fail to be a good spouse, he has the right to leave. And if he is a bad spouse you have the right to leave. If there are problems, you should both make a strong honest effort to talk about it and try to fix it. Usually things can be worked out if you are both making a good effort. If one of you chooses to not work on it, then the other has no obligation to remain in what amounts to an abusive situation.

The book "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" is a good guide. The author says there are certain non-negotiable things such as physical abuse which should result in immediate divorce. But when it comes to the other person not being skilled or aware as a partner then there is room to try to fix things before choosing divorce.

I think you are in the position where you should give it a good try, but with a real deadline in your mind. I am a supporter of the secret deadline because the other person may just play along if they know there is a deadline. People will tend to do as little as possible to get a passing grade. I would have a progressive deadline, maybe one month for him to show interest in and participate in some form of self help or professional MC. This will require you to have a conversation with him about your feelings and to tell him you are not willing to remain in the status quo. Invite him to read some books and go to MC with you. But don't drag him along unwillingly, at least not past the first time. Then you need to see him making a real effort within the next month. Maybe no big results, but he needs to be working with you and showing real interest. Then by about 6 months from now you should be seeing consistent good results.

If you two can't find a way in 6 months to be in a good fun marriage, it may be time to start the D process.

Whatever you do, don't get pregnant!

It is ok to leave a marriage without hating the other person. It could just be you two are not compatible. Good luck, I hope you and your husband find a way to have a joyful and fulfilling marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has your husband ever hit you, pushed you, twisted your arm, choked you or any other physical touching in anger? Also, he ever throw things, bang on furniture, punch walls, doors, etc?

Just need to find out if any of that is going on first.


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