# Need some advice.



## I love him (Sep 20, 2011)

Ok I will start from the beginning,Me and my husband got married 3 months ago, we were both virgins. ok so on our honeymoon we attempt sex the first time and it takes numerous seperate times for it to be comfortable for me, etc a tough hymen? anyway we have had sex maybe 6 times since our honeymoon... and only because i initiate or ask him which his answer is usually " i guess",and then it seems like he has no energy during it or drive. I asked him why it seemed like he could care less if we had sex, and he responded that it is still new for him and hard to get used to, and that he is not confident enough. Is he afraid of failing? I want him to lead, I want him to want to have sex, we both are in our early 20's. I have only got frustrated with him etc..not kissing him unless he does me,same as with hugging or touching, in an attempt to get him to do it on his own. If any questions ask, I know this looks confusing.....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What was he like before you got married? Was he affectionate? Did you have to slap his hands away then? Or was he physically aloof, just as he is now?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I love him (Sep 20, 2011)

we grew up taught abstinence.(no touching). so we didnt do much before marriage, we kissed, held hands and hugged before.But i asked him to kiss me and hug me and hold my hand before marriage. He is affectionate, if i look upset, he asks me what is wrong,he holds me in bed, but only hugs me the same way all the time, its like robotic,nothing more,nothing less.I dont know if he doesnt think about what to do, he also once said that in trying to abstain from sex before marriage, you block those thoughts from your head, and now that its ok it is hard to let them wander. Idk,I am confused about it all


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Are you Christian? Even the Bible says that:

"_Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves
more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your
lack of self-control_." ~ NLV, 1 Corinthians 7:5

Sex after marriage is when it is OKAY to cut loose with each other. It sounds like your husband needs to have some major de-programming done to get rid of the programming that he has had drummed in to his head. How willing is he to do this? If you guys can't get it done together on your own, you may need to work with a professional.

God Bless.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Also wanted to mention some things that you can try out on your own together. He may also be feeling a tremendous amount of pressure to perform as he mentioned he is not confident, so try and relieve him of that anxiety.

Is he able to get and maintain erections okay? Can you engage in mutual masturbation or give him oral sex? Do you ever just lay down together naked and touch each other and kiss and see where it goes - no pressure?

Do you flirt with him subtly - try and seduce him slowly? Touch him lightly during the day - run your fingers through his hair, touch his shoulder.

Do you show him admiration and tell him you love him and appreciate him?

Would he be willing to read through something like the following with you: Amazon.com: A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds (9780785287735): Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau: Books

God Bless.


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