# Should I leave or fight for the marriage



## Madelineok1959

I need some advise please. I'm also a terrible writer and speller so please don't judge. My husband and I have been married for 28 years. 11 years ago I found a couple of emails that he sent to some ladies, basically asking for some "friend talking". I confronted him and he said that he wouldn't do it again. I requested all access to his email and he gave them to me. 3 years ago I found where he put himself on several different single sites along with some naked pictures of himself. I confronted him again and he shut them down. 2 weeks ago I found out that he has been to a nudist camp twice and lied to my face about it. He told me he was going "fishing". So because of this problem I no longer trust my husband and yes before you ask I did trust him throughout the other issues because I felt like he was telling me the truth. Now, I can' trust him at all. We have not had a very good sex life he says it's me and I believe him, now I'm thinking about all this and our sex life has always been left up to me to take command of him. He never instigates it himself and never tries to "turn me on". So I don't know what is left. I can't get any kind of emotion or response out of him. He also has herpes and gave that to me 2 years ago (he had it before we married). I feel like my husband will not turn anyone down for sex if they come on to him. Also, he has a very low self esteem problem because he is 6' tall and weights 130 lbs at the most. I am 6' tall and weigh 145 lbs with a good figure and not bad in the looks department. I have always been faithful to my husband and I have cooked, cleaned and worked all these years. We are having some financial diffuculty now because I lost my 90,000 dollar job a couple of years ago he only makes 50,000. He is currently staying in another room of the house, I told him it was up to him if he wants to come back to our bedroom. He shows no affection towards me and never has. He talks like he is missing something and I asked him to leave and go find it but he hasn't left yet and when he was asked to go on evening shift he explained to his boss that he was having marrital problems (my trust issue) and asked if he could stay on days. His boss had no problem with that at all. My husband also walks around in our yard naked and lays out every chance he gets and calls himself a sex addict, but yet apparently not towards me. Please give me advise and ask all the questions you want, i will answer them truthfully because at this point I have nothing to loose. Also, we tried marriage counciling after the first letters were found and after 2 sessions he felt like the counciler was ganging up on him and hasn't been back.

Thanks!


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## Ascending_Soul

Madeline, I don't see anywhere in your post that there are extenuating circumstances, that is, that there seem to be no ethical reasons why you need to stay with this man. I guess that if I were you, I would draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper and on one side write "Whats in it for me if I stay", and on the other side "What's in it for me if I go", then make your lists. Let me know how that turns out!


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## Madelineok1959

Ascending_Soul, thanks for the post....I guess there isn't an ethical reason to stay. We have raised to beautiful daughters one of which is married and about to make us grandparents, the other is 17 and still lives with us. We have built a life and house together, but again all this isn't a reason to stay. I am just trying to come to terms and trying to get back to trusting him which will take me if ever a long time. He has sworn to me that he has always been faithful but I can't get past him going naked and having people see him naked and then him lying to me and keeping it a secret. I think in my mind that he is progressing to more serious stuff but he doesn't think so. If it wasn't for his lying to me I probably wouldn't have been so upset. As it is now dealing with him being here is tying me all up in knots. If he comes home 1/2 hour late, of course I think the worse. This is still to recent and the hurt is still to raw for any rash decisions, let alone the humiliation that our kids will go through if this gets out. (we live in a very small town and his mother is an upstanding citizen and church member) So i'm trying to let time pass in order to understand my own feeling on the cituation. Sorry to carry on.


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## Hope1964

Is he in any kind of counseling? Are you?

If my husband did things like that it would be three strikes and you are out, buddy. What do you NOT know about? I couldn't trust him either


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## Madelineok1959

Hope, I agree with you 100%. But I guess it's easier said than done. I am not in counceling but plan on it in near future. I don't believe he will ever go back to counceling and for the simple fact that he doesn't think he did anything wrong by going to the Nudist Camp and lying about it. As for him not possibly not telling me everything, I probably will never know. He has answered all my question (and I had 100's of them) with what I believe to be the truth, although most were hurtful so I don't believe he had lied answering them for that reason. He probably would have answered non hurtful questions if he was lying but I don't honestly know that either. I have held this information in for 11 years from all family members and it has taken it's toll on me for sure. But this time I had to tell my kids what he had done and also his mother because I wasn't sure I was going to let him stay in the house and she would have been the only option for him to stay somewhere. She was pretty upset and hurt, my oldest daughter thought he needed help also, my youngest (17) said what he did was disturbing. So at this point I guess I am just getting some feedback on what I could do in this situation and also venting some I guess. Thanks for your input I really appreciate it. Another evening to look forward to


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## auxanaa

If you really love him then go for fight. but if you think that he is really don't want it anymore then you can leave him. try one or two more time then go for spit i think.


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