# When lube is NOT optional



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Here are two quotes from @katiecrna in her thread that I didn't want to derail, but it got me thinking about lube. 


> My personal problem with [lube] for me, using it in our bedroom is because I am a young healthy women who doesn't need it.





> Oh you want to have sex? Slab some lube on me and go. It's very insensitive, you don't care to take the time and make me horny or into it


I agreed with katie. In her younger days my wife was always naturally super luberific. But now, post menopause, "artificial" lube is required for every and any sexual encounter below her waist, no exceptions. 

A few question to those who always need to use lube. Where and when do you apply it? This one bugs me, how to know when she is ready and "horny or into it" if she's just not going to get wet? 

I'll put some in her, and the excess on me, just prior. And I will ask, "You ready?" Super smooth  She's never said no (really? I've never ever rushed her?). And yes, sometimes it feels to me like "Slab some lube on me and go". 

It's not really a problem for us. And it's great to have good lube to allow us to still have good sex but it can also be a bit clinical, unsexy and just one more potential distraction.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

It's only a distraction if you see it as one... if you have a long and healthy sex life it will eventually become an inevitability.

Learn it before it becomes a frustration.

It is always the start of any foreplay down below, simply makes it much nicer for her and when it's nicer for her, it's nicer for us.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I see no problem with lube. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I think @alexm tried to create a similar post in the past, but it got deleted by moderators as perhaps being a fantasy poll of some sorts. Concerns about lubrication in the meantime are often a very strong topic in books about sexuality and discussed by those in professional research settings such as universities. Yet some take offense to the topic in the form of "sexual disgust."

A prominent PhD in sexual research keeps a bowl in her office with colored items that look like candy. Many individuals come in and start going through it very curious as to what is in the bowl. Upon being informed that the bowl contains samples of sexual lubricant, some immediately yank their hands out of the bowl in disgust, while others seem interested to explore and perhaps take a few of these samples with them upon leaving. 

A good question to ask might be the nature of "sexual disgust" that so many people often associate with lube. Is that a learned form of disgust that more often than not prevents arousal? As a society we are bombarded by warnings of "sexual fluids" transmitting STDs. So when individuals come into contact with "3rd party sexual fluids" such as lubrication by a large corporation, there may be a subconscious concern as to, "who created this fluid, and is it indeed safe for me to use." More often than not we learn in the news that large corporations are more concerned for profit and less concerned about product safety. Who knows, perhaps the lube was created using GMO materials that also contains hormones and pesticides...



> Glycerol (glycerine) is generally obtained from plant and animal sources where it occurs as triglycerides.


...uhhhh, "animal sources?" And this stuff is often used in making antifreeze and explosives? Wait just a minute? 

Regards,
Badsanta


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Talk to your wife about it. I'm curious to hear her thoughts, or any women on here that's dealing with vaginal dryness. 

As for when to apply it... I guess it doesn't matter and you can switch it up. It would probably be nice during foreplay, if your kissing and touching her, put some on your hand and be smooth about it I guess. (Pun intended). I would Imagine waiting till the last second wouldn't be romantic or desirable.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Look into vagina suppositories. I've heard great things about them.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

You guys here on this site have made me a true believer in coconut oil... pure, virgin, filtered in essence, and unfiltered in fun. >

No "animal sources" either...


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I think the OP is not asking questions about the lube itself... but the best way to apply it without feeling like he's oiling up a car.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

katiecrna said:


> I think the OP is not asking questions about the lube itself... but the best way to apply it without feeling like he's oiling up a car.


Yes, that's more like it. Thanks for the as part of foreplay advice. It's generally not a frustration or a distraction, it's just an extra step that has to be, and so be it. 

We use Sliquid Organics Natural Satin, it's glycerin free and in fact vegan. We recently got an overly gynomous bottle of coconut oil, I need to take some out of the kitchen.

We do talk about it in a practical sense. She says she doesn't need the suppositories, and actually the lube we use can be used for "everyday" or as needed.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

https://goodcleanlove.com/4-reasons-not-use-coconut-oil-lube/


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I think the OP is not asking questions about the lube itself... but the best way to apply it without feeling like he's oiling up a car.


I understand that... but if it is natural in composition and feel then it is more accepting in natural introduction and application, a mental hurdle removed.

Yep, Katie, I read that site too when we were first first considering it... nothing they said was true for us and besides, they want to market something in competition to it... read their Amazon reviews.

In the end CP, our approach is warm up with it and it becomes a natural part of warming up, don't even think twice and EB2 brings it out as we move to "wherever warms our heart" at the moment at home... and we never travel overnight without it, so acceptance as a natural action is behind us.


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## mcdetroit586 (Mar 5, 2017)

Personally, my wife and I have only used lube a couple of times in 12 years, we are in our mid 30's. If it became a necessity I would have no problem with it since she still wants to be intimate with me. I'll do anything for her to make her comfortable and if lube is mart of it, so be it. It's very easy to introduce it in a loving and/or sexy way. Asking her if shes ready isn't one of them in my opinion. Do your normal thing kiss her, tease her, do whatever. After a bit of foreplay just put it on and go. if she doesn't want to yet she should/will tell you.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> I think the OP is not asking questions about the lube itself... but the best way to apply it without feeling like he's oiling up a car.


Probably just as awkward as that, is how does one go about using lube without compromising one's hands for a continued romantic touch or without leaving a mess on the sheets or needing a towel to wipe your hands clean. 

KY Jelly always seems to get cold and icky after a few moments in your hands because it is water based. Meanwhile coconut oil stays warm and can easily be rubbed all over your skin or your partner's skin as a moisturizer. Seriously, "come here honey and let me clean all this cold and icky KY Jelly off my hand onto your back!" But when done with coconut oil, that can actually be a very pleasurable part of the experience for both partners. No towels needed!

So back to oiling the car. With coconut oil the process of lube can begin as a soft back massage. Also as a male you can apply an ample amount to yourself well beforehand and just allow it to be absorbed into the skin. This way you can go into lovemaking in such a way that your skin is moisturized in such a way that it should compliment your partner's natural lubrication since your skin will not need to absorb anything. An if by chance you miscalculate and lovemaking does not happen, your skin will just be nice and soft. Coconut oil can also kill yeast, viruses, and bacteria. So this will also help your skin be very healthy. Coconut oil is also a common ingredient in homemade deodorants, so it also helps fight against body odors. 

Regards,
Badsanta

PS: Generally coconut oil is not recommended for use with latex condoms, so this is why it is so often overlooked in favor of water-based lubes. For those that use condoms, you should do your own research into this topic. Here is also a blog with the negative arguments against coconut oil https://goodcleanlove.com/4-reasons-not-use-coconut-oil-lube/


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

I think using lube as a necessity and using it as preference are 2 very different things. In the old days it was seen as something that was a medical necessity for post menopausal women. Now lube is something of a sex toy in its own right, for all parts of the body (many women like it on their clit or for nipple stimulation) and is also pleasurable for both genders. I can't imagine using my hands on him without it. 

As for when to use it - right from the start, keep a bottle on either side of the bed so that there is minimal stop/start. I have never found it awkward. 

Almond oil is my preference.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

peacem said:


> I think using lube as a necessity and using it as preference are 2 very different things. In the old days it was seen as something that was a medical necessity for post menopausal women.


If my experience is anything to go by, it hasn't entirely gone away. One woman I was (briefly) with last year was very forthright that in her opinion, if you needed to use lube, you should stop having sex. I didn't linger...


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

We don't find it awkward at all. My wife doesn't like oral so I usually apply it right up front to her AND to me. Foreplay feels great with lube! She does self-lubricate sometimes, but the more slippery the better. 

The big issue is that it can be cold, so warm it up first. 

A slippery, gooey mess makes for great sex! 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

katiecrna said:


> Look into vagina suppositories. I've heard great things about them.


Vagifem (brand name) ... works wonders for menopausal women. Puts the estrogen right where it's needed and will be absorbed into tissues.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> You guys here on this site have made me a true believer in coconut oil... pure, *virgin,* filtered in essence, and unfiltered in fun. >......


Virginity is over-rated in almost everything.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> Virginity is over-rated in almost everything.


It was fun to say...


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Not what you are asking OP but still worth mentioning.... I am 50, post menopausal and never need lube (anal being the exception). Going to attribute it to good diet (vegetarian, minimal preservatives, lots of fresh organic foods). I did not take any form of hormones replacement during peri or into menopause.

What sort of general health is your wife in? Is there room for improvement?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

badsanta said:


> I think @alexm tried to create a similar post in the past, but it got deleted by moderators as perhaps being a fantasy poll of some sorts.


Doesn't ring a bell, but I've made a few posts in my day...

But yeah, I don't recall anything about this subject! And reading through some of this one, it doesn't seem like a subject I'd have started a thread about  Perhaps one of the other old-timers?


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

coconut oil
coconut oil
coconut oil
coconut oil

there's never not a good time to play with it with each other


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Post menopausal woman here, we use coconut oil also. On him or me, however the mood strikes us. If you end up including oral it tastes wonderful  Using lube has never been an issue - I didn't actually realize it was for some people. We've used it since before it was sometimes a requirement. I also use it on my entire body once or twice a week, we use it as a massage oil also. We have the big jar in the kitchen to use for cooking and we just fill a smaller bedroom container as required.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

all of that, yep. not necessary, per se, but it's fun.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Post menopausal woman who has used coconut oil after trying and hating many other brands out there.

I use coconut oil every damn time. Before we have sex I alway empty my bladder and once back in the bedroom I take my jar of coconut oil after I've removed my nightgown, open the jar and while looking right into his eyes I scoop out a glob, lift a leg on the bed and start spreading it around. Sometimes I take a LOOOOONG time to spread it around and I have to go back and get more. Sometimes I spread it on him too. Sometimes I am rudely interrupted while I'm still spreading it.

You could stand over your husband while you spread it, you could wait till his uses the bathroom and then let him walk out finding your spread eagle and spreading the lube (my husband's fav) you could spread it on him and then shimmy your lady bits all over picking up the lube from his body.

There have been a few times my body has almost generated enough lubrication but I find that more lube is always better than less lube.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

AP you really should be getting a cut of some coco nut oil profits!


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## drifter777 (Nov 25, 2013)

Based on the title of this thread I thought for sure the subject of anal sex was up for discussion.....


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

Sawney Beane said:


> if you needed to use lube, you should stop having sex.


:wtf:


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

prunus said:


> :wtf:


That's what I thought. In her view, it was nature's way of telling you you were "past all that".

Hence I swiftly moved on to somebody else!


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Wife needs lube in most cases. She can be really horny and raring to go, but still need lube. Sometimes, she'll make a healthy amount of lube. We use coconut oil and yes there is that pause to apply before we get going. Normally it's foreplay, lube then PIV.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Why does everyone like coconut oil more than water-based lubes found in stores? Where do you purchase it?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Steve1000 said:


> Why does everyone like coconut oil more than water-based lubes found in stores? Where do you purchase it?


For us, it tastes GREAT! :smthumbup: Gives a nice oily sheen to the skin :x! If your wife happens to like a little spank every now and again, coconut oil gives a GREAT sound without having to spank too hard!!!>

You can actually buy it at the grocery store (near olive oil, etc.)

As for use, we always start it up during foreplay -- just makes things more, umm, interesting even IF she naturally lubricates. (oh yeah, wife is post-menopause)


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Steve1000 said:


> Why does everyone like coconut oil more than water-based lubes found in stores? Where do you purchase it?


We buy gigantic tubs of it at Costco. (Unrefined - the refined stuff is gross - no coconutty smell or taste at all.) Has nothing in it but coconut oil, is natural and organic, and feels really really nice. And is WAY cheaper. And has antimicrobial properties. And moisturizes.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife is 64 and she still gets wets just from kissing. We did use lube a few times for anal sex when we first started, but my hands were covered with it and I left grease patches everywhere I touched my wife. We stopped using it for anal sex too. Just had intercourse for a bit and then switched to anal using my wife's natural lubrication. I never used lube with any girl I had sex with during my life. None ever asked for it and suggested it. If I could not get them wet, I would probably call it a day and find someone else. One of the things I love about sex is feeling a woman get soaking wet from what I was doing to her or the anticipation of sex with me. Without that it just seems forced. I especially loved what is called thigh sweats. That is when they lubricate so much in anticipation of sex that their thighs are soaked with the lubrication dripping on them. I know that I would not have sex with someone who did not lubricate. That would not be good sex for me and not the type of sex partner/girlfriend I was looking for. I only wanted girls who lubricated just from making out. Guess I was lucky that never needed it except for the firsts few times of anal sex. Too messy and interrupts sex to apply it. Not for me.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Here are two quotes from @katiecrna in her thread that I didn't want to derail, but it got me thinking about lube.
> 
> I agreed with katie. In her younger days my wife was always naturally super luberific. But now, post menopause, "artificial" lube is required for every and any sexual encounter below her waist, no exceptions.
> 
> ...




Lube to me, isn't to cheapen the sex. It adds to it for those quickies and for say, foot jobs, breast jobs and anal. Plus you can give and receive great massages as well. It's fun and adds to the experience.

I use water based lubes, actually we have two and they work great, no odor and no permanent mess.

Plus when we all get older, lube is required to help.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Don't really mind using lube in the least!

But not until I'm done performing a good, long, heart-stopping session of oral on my lady!*


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Vinnydee said:


> We stopped using it for anal sex too. Just had intercourse for a bit and then switched to anal using my wife's natural lubrication.


My wife (who is pre-menopause) and I have largely done the same thing with anal sex, for the same reason through the last 20 years. With the exception being on limited occasion, we have sometimes applied lube when using a butt plug.

Aside from that there was a week or two shortly after the birth of our children when my wife was quite dry, which saw us use get some some lube to use as required.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

a lot of women do not like lube. They simply do not want to put foreign unnatural substances into their bodies. But older women, say 50 or older, probably need it 100% of the time, otherwise sex will become painful and they will unconsciously avoid sex, OR might even tear something inside. 

ANd of course ANY anal sex needs lube, since there is no natural lube in that part.

If you use lube, stay away from lube with glycerin in it, since glycerin is a type of sugar and yeast are fed by it.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Post menopausal woman who has used coconut oil after trying and hating many other brands out there.
> 
> I use coconut oil every damn time. Before we have sex I alway empty my bladder and once back in the bedroom I take my jar of coconut oil after I've removed my nightgown, open the jar and while looking right into his eyes I scoop out a glob, lift a leg on the bed and start spreading it around. Sometimes I take a LOOOOONG time to spread it around and I have to go back and get more. Sometimes I spread it on him too. Sometimes I am rudely interrupted while I'm still spreading it.
> 
> ...


Yep. 

I'm 55, post menopausal, and have sex w/ H daily. 

So far, lube is still optional. We've recently switched to coconut oil and it really is the best we've found so far. Had to stop using the flavored ones due to post meno UTI's. (Nice joke Mother Nature!) 

We've put the oil into a little spray bottle. Either one of us reaching for that bottle is a huge turn on for the other. It's definitely used during foreplay...and we rub it EVERYWHERE. 

I think, instead of putting the oil on/in her and asking if she's ready.... just rub it around for a while, and if she doesn't tell you "NOW".... then tell her to tell you when she wants it. Or see if you can get her to beg for it! :grin2:


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> Had to stop using the flavored ones due to post meno UTI's. (Nice joke Mother Nature!)


Thanks for the heads up. Our normal lube doesn't taste bad but it's a bit bitter, so use flavored lube to get oral going (talk about cruel Mother Nature). Ours is sugar and sugar derivative free.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Coconut oil is edible too, doesn't taste bad, doesn't gunk up.... it's all good. We usually add it to the foreplay somewhere between the initial making out and oral. And it doesn't seem to leave you sticky and needing to shower....so the "after" shower is optional.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Coconut oil is great stuff - but remember, it IS an oil and not compatible with condoms and most toys.

Silicone is not an oil, and IS safe with latex condoms and dams, and most toys made of hard materials (but not silicone toys or Cyberskin). One favorite brand is Gun Oil - despite the "Oil" in the name, it is silicone based (they also have a water-based product).


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> Not what you are asking OP but still worth mentioning.... I am 50, post menopausal and never need lube (anal being the exception). Going to attribute it to good diet (vegetarian, minimal preservatives, lots of fresh organic foods). I did not take any form of hormones replacement during peri or into menopause.
> 
> What sort of general health is your wife in? Is there room for improvement?


My wife is 61, and we still have sex every day. Mary does not need any lubrication but her own. She is less wet than when she was young, but she still lubricates very well. She also did not take any Hormone Replacement Therapy. She, however, does not pay much attention to her health. Junk food, a few veggies, more junk food. I eat organic, so I try to get her to eat some of that too.

The research I have done, and her doctors, indicate it is because she has had, and continues to have, so much sex. I kid you not.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Obviously I need to have my wife pick up some Virgin Coconut Oil!


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> a lot of women do not like lube. They simply do not want to put foreign unnatural substances into their bodies. *But older women, say 50 or older, probably need it 100% of the time, otherwise sex will become painful and they will unconsciously avoid sex, OR might even tear something inside. *
> 
> ANd of course ANY anal sex needs lube, since there is no natural lube in that part.
> 
> If you use lube, stay away from lube with glycerin in it, since glycerin is a type of sugar and yeast are fed by it.



So not true and another unfounded generalisation when it comes to women and sex. I need it 0% of the time.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WilliamM said:


> My wife is 61, and we still have sex every day. Mary does not need any lubrication but her own. She is less wet than when she was young, but she still lubricates very well. She also did not take any Hormone Replacement Therapy. She, however, does not pay much attention to her health. Junk food, a few veggies, more junk food. I eat organic, so I try to get her to eat some of that too.
> 
> Th*e research I have done, and her doctors, indicate it is because she has had, and continues to have, so much sex. I kid you not.*



This doesn't seem very accurate. Maybe anecdotal but certainly not accurate. There are many factors that contribute to vaginal lubrication during arousal and only one of them has to do with sexual arousal.

There are a whole host of medical conditions, not to mention medications, not to mention how well hydrated at that moment, that contribute to vaginal lubrication. The most obvious condition is post menopausal when estrogen levels are very low.

If you salivate when about to eat chocolate at 18 you will still do so at 81. Even if you don't have any chocolate for 20 years (heaven forbid such a catastrophe) your mouth would still salivate when the horrendous dry spell ended and the beloved gift from the Gods is on your plate once again.

The amount of semen ejaculated doesn't indicate, at all, how aroused the mind was during sex. Not one bit. It may indicate how long the semen has been building up, but only to a point because the body reabsorbs what isn't expelled.

The *amount* of vaginal lubrication is *not directly correlated* to the level of arousal. It's presence, but not amount, indicates arousal is present.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

CharlieParker said:


> Here are two quotes from @katiecrna in her thread that I didn't want to derail, but it got me thinking about lube.
> 
> I agreed with katie. In her younger days my wife was always naturally super luberific. But now, post menopause, "artificial" lube is required for every and any sexual encounter below her waist, no exceptions.
> 
> And it's great to have good lube to allow us to still have good sex but it can also be a bit clinical, unsexy and just one more potential distraction.


Hi Charlie! Don’t know that I agree with the posts you quoted in your intro. I think they’re a slippery slope (see what I did there??) to the misconception that if you’re a woman who needs lube then you’re past it and not “healthy” or if you’re a man who likes to use lube then you don’t care about your partner’s pleasure. I mean zero offense and I’m pretty sure the quotes were taken out of context and weren’t the poster’s intention, but that’s how it reads. 

We’re all different. Just because a woman is menopausal it doesn’t mean her garden of eatin’ is dead and a dismal desiccated desert with tumbleweeds blowing about and just because a woman is young it doesn’t mean her highway to heaven is always a funtastic slip n’ slide to paradise. 

Young, healthy women can need lube; in my late teens and early 20s I was very much wet, willing, and ready, but a little too tight and lube would sometimes make things go (and come) a little easier. And just like MrsH pointed out, she’s past the ‘pause and her peach pie is still very much sweet and run-down-your-chin juicy (may not have been her actual statement, but I’m certain that’s an accurate description nonetheless).

Anyhoo! I’m not menopausal but I’ve used lube off and on throughout my sexual life, not out of need but for variety and fun. And even though sex is like the bluebird of happiness for me now (i.e., long absent from my life, but at least I have the chicken of depression to keep me company), I did have great sex in the past, still have a filthy mind, and do have a need to help, so maybe some of my below suggestions could be of use? Doesn’t hurt to try!

I can think a few scenarios in which lube could be used in such a way as to add to the heat of the moment rather than detract from it. Nudity is required and not all of it may work for you as every couple is different. Hopefully it’s not inappropriate (if too graphic, Powers-That-Be, please let me know and I'll delete) and gives you ideas to creatively incorporate lube in a sexy, "non-clinical" way.

1. With her on her back, straddle her ribcage, squirt some liquid fun in your hands and make a slow sensuous show of slathering up your man mitts. When you’re good and slippery, rub the oil all over her breasts while you fondle, squeeze, and tease her. When you have her in a lather, you can make another show of slowly slathering oil all over your rod right above her, and then when you’re ready, mound her breasts together from the sides and, to put it delicately, proceed to **** her tits. If you want to finish this way, you can oil up her fingers and have her tend to her little lady downstairs while you give her the lover’s timeless gift of a pearl necklace. Or if you’d rather go inside of her, now that you’re all slicked up, you can slide down and ride her little red corvette until you both reach O-town.

2. Have her on all fours on the bed with head and arms down but keep her ass up. Get behind her, slather up your hands and rub her rump and in between her legs, massaging her clit and sliding your fingers in and out until she’s ready for you to slide home. The great thing about this position is you (or she) can rub her clit and her oil slicked curves can be slapped while you ride her from behind. It also leaves her ass available for some finger play if that’s in your menu of lusty good times. 

3. This one is always good, simple, and doesn’t break momentum. While you’re standing in front of her and she’s sitting on the bed, have her oil up her hands until they’re nice and warm and slick and then have her give you a thorough handy. When you're ready she can lie back on the edge of bed and use her oiled hands to play with her breasts (feels great) and you're already slicked up and ready to go! 

Truly the possibilities are endless. I think lube and oil are great additions to sex and shouldn't be seen as mood killing, clinical prep work. Change it up, get her involved in the slippery goodness, and most importantly just have fun with it! You're a loving, committed couple who have regular sex... the world is your slick delicious oyster, my friend. Enjoy!


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Lube is a sexual enhancement if used correctly. Just as a vibrator is an enhancement. Some want or need either or both, and some do not. Enjoy sex with your partner and let others enjoy sex the way it works for them. There is no shame in using lube. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Curse of Millhaven said:


> Hi Charlie! Don’t know that I agree with the posts you quoted in your intro. I think they’re a slippery slope (see what I did there??) to the misconception that if you’re a woman who needs lube then you’re past it and not “healthy” or if you’re a man who likes to use lube then you don’t care about your partner’s pleasure.


In the case of the quotes, the poster's partner was substituting lube for proper foreplay, I agreed that wasn't cool.



Curse of Millhaven said:


> We’re all different. Just because a woman is menopausal it doesn’t mean her garden of eatin’ is dead and a dismal desiccated desert with tumbleweeds blowing about and just because a woman is young it doesn’t mean her highway to heaven is always a funtastic slip n’ slide to paradise.
> 
> Young, healthy women can need lube; in my late teens and early 20s I was very much wet, willing, and ready, but a little too tight and lube would sometimes make things go (and come) a little easier. And just like MrsH pointed out, she’s past the ‘pause and her peach pie is still very much sweet and run-down-your-chin juicy (may not have been her actual statement, but I’m certain that’s an accurate description nonetheless).


I didn't intend to generalize, my wife was a peach pie when younger but is now closer to a desert, that's not a bad thing, it just is. (Yay for @MrsHolland!)



Curse of Millhaven said:


> I can think a few scenarios


Thank you. Is it just me or did it get hot in here?



Curse of Millhaven said:


> shouldn't be seen as mood killing, clinical prep work. [...] most importantly just have fun with it!


It's usually the latter, so we're generally good. 

Thanks, and thanks all.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

I’m sorry, Charlie. I fear my post may have come across in a manner in which I did not intend. In no way was I suggesting you were “generalizing”. My only thought was that you wanted to spice up your use of lube, which is now a necessary element in your sexy fun times. 

I just wanted to express that women can need or use lube at any stage of life, for myriad reasons, and it’s all okay and healthy. I meant nothing more than this; I apologize if it came across wrong.

And yes, using lube in lieu of foreplay is not cool, unless of course both parties agree to just skip the appetizers and get right into the main course of ****ing. Whatever floats your tuna boat, different strokes for different folks, and all that. 

Anyway, I’m probably doing my really annoying habit of over-explaining what I meant and just making it worse and digging the hole deeper and deeper, so I’ll stop now before I reach China.

Let me just say I’m happy to read that lovin’ and lubin’ for the Parkers is mostly in the fun category.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> There is no shame in using lube.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


Thank you for this!!

I used to humblebrag that i never needed to use lube. Ever. Never bought nary a tube. 

Welp just found out last weekend that i need it. I'm 48 and pretty sure im either peri or menopausal.

I'll be honest with you. My womanhood has taken a huge hit over this.😣😣😣

So im just going to try real hard to embrace what you said.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> Thank you for this!!
> 
> I used to humblebrag that i never needed to use lube. Ever. Never bought nary a tube.
> 
> ...


I can't see why you would worry over this too much. Sex is so much more than just how wet you can get. If you and your husband enjoy oral, use coconut oil and enjoy the added flavor. Use it on you AND on him. Make it nice and slippery and just enjoy yourself! 

If oral isn't your thing, then store made lubes work great too. Some have an ingredient that warms your parts and tingles a bit. Heck, try it all and use what works best. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## Olorin (Jun 5, 2016)

Another vote for coconut oil. My post-menopausal DW needs lots of time to 'heat up', so we always start our LM sessions with a LONG (i.e. one hour or so) massage for her. This means LOTS of coconut oil for her and myself. After the oil has been warmed up, I have her lie on her stomach and I apply it all over her back, butt, legs, and woman parts. I do this as slow and erotically as I can, and then proceed to give her a massage using a Hitachi Magic wand. Usually, she is using another wand on her lady bits. 

The feel of coconut oil is wonderful and we will never give it up. I think she buys it from Costco.


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