# Not sure where to go..



## Wifetrying (Jan 11, 2016)

My husband and I have been married 14 years. No big issues except the usual fighting about bills, etc

2 years ago we were living the dream. Bought our home, our two teens are thriving.. Financially we are good since I started working too. 

Lately h is just not happy. He comes home from work and we have dinner. He says he loves me but isn't sure he's in love with me. He wants to work on things but he never has been a big talker. I'm very sure there is no one else (phones, texts, nothing). He's always with us, he dosent want a counselor as he dosent enjoy talking to strangers. 

Not sure what to do. I'm trying to talk with him but he says he'll figure it out, he dosent know what makes him happy, I feel like he's depressed or going thru a crisis. We are mid 30's. Meanwhile I have anxiety over this, making me physically sick. 

Any advice?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I know you think he's not having an affair, but he sounds textbook for an affair. Keep digging. (He may also just be a pro at hiding it)


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

First check your phone bill. Go online. Takes 30 minutes tops.

Get a copy of His Needs, Her Needs. Probably the best book on marriage out there. Read it together.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

You guys think right away of an affair. He is probably depressed, let's start there and see.

OP, how is your husband's work? Does he talk much about it? Is he happy there?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Duguesclin said:


> You guys think right away of an affair. He is probably depressed, let's start there and see.
> 
> OP, how is your husband's work? Does he talk much about it? Is he happy there?


Nope. It's smart to rule it out though. 

Basic problem solving.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Wifetrying said:


> My husband and I have been married 14 years. No big issues except the usual fighting about bills, etc
> 
> 2 years ago we were living the dream. Bought our home, our two teens are thriving.. Financially we are good since I started working too.
> 
> ...


In this case, I advise you to lead the charge. Accept the difficult moment for what it is and understand that he needs help through this moment. Taking it personally can only add pressure onto him. Be ready and willing to communicate with him when he volunteers. Otherwise, focus on yourself and work to increase your level of happiness. If you learn new methods of accepting life and communicating, he will be positively influenced to follow you in suit.

Relationship Teacher


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

From the little bit of info, my gut is telling me not an affair. It sounds like a real bad case of the 'blahs'. Maybe he's right; he'll snap out of it eventually. I've had it although not as bad yet. I do eventually snap out of it on my own.


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## Wifetrying (Jan 11, 2016)

I appreciate the responses. The first thing I did was rule out someone else. There are no calls, he dosent go out, dosent come home late.. None of that. 

His job is very stressful, he's the boss and a lot is on his shoulders. But he has to stay there for the time being.

How do I help? I feel helpless. I'm trying to not ask what's wrong constantly. I'm a reader, he Is not. I've done some looking online but am not sure where to start fixing this. 

Working on myself sounds good... Just gotta get past the anxiety. All I can think of now is our problem and then I don't feel very well.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Usually the "mystery problem" along with the statement of non "in love" means that there is someone else. Maybe it's just a female at his place of work that he has a one sided crush on.

Think about what a man needs and give it to him. Swallow your fear and pride and stop asking what is wrong. What do men need?
-- Respect and admiration. Man in a stressful job... does his wife frequently tell him how much she appreciates what he does for the family?
-- Sex
-- Fun
If you are overly focused on the kids or your job or anything but your husband then you should divert your focus in life towards your husband and your marriage. Invite him on dates... Be his girlfriend.


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