# My handicap and my wife's cheating / Am I the father of my child?



## andy38 (Dec 10, 2010)

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all of your thoughts and words of support in response to my last thread / post concerning my wife's affair and my physical handicap. Over the last couple of weeks, I have come to the reality that I might not have contributed to my son's conception. I have arrived at this conclusion because I have recently discovered just how little semen I tend to ejaculate (sorry to be so graphic) due to my retrograde ejaculation condition. I believe I've suffered from this condition my entire life. As it turns out, the average man produces somewhere in neighborhood of 2-3 teaspoons of semen per total ejaculation. Conversely, I am lucky if I produce two to three drops. Literally. Typically, I secrete one to two drops of whitish looking fluid (that I presume is semen) followed by another two drops of mostly clear liquid. 

I particularly found this out because I recently started to explore my sexuality by myself (i.e. via masturbation). Someone here on the forum suggested that I look at porn to get some better understanding of sex, sexual techniques, etc. Well, up until about a week and a half ago, I had never seen any kind of porn in my life (i.e.: other people having sex, etc. -- The video of my wife caught on video doesn't count). Please understand that I am a total neophyte when it comes to the topic of sexuality, and my Roman Catholic upbringing caused my parents to be very condemning of such things. My parent's view of sexuality is that it should be used for "procreation not recreation" and so I was brought up with that type of mindset. In fact, up until this past week, I have only masturbated twice in the last six years -- and both of those times were directly related to obtaining semen samples for fertility testing. Even then, I had to convince myself that I was OK, and that I was ultimately going to make a baby, so it was medically necessary.

Naturally, out of pure curiosity, I did masturbate every so often during my teen years (maybe once or twice a week), but that ended abruptly one night when I was caught by my mother when she accidentally walked in on me while I was in the bathroom. Not only was I totally ashamed, but she went on tell my priest about it (and no, I was definitely NOT abused, so back off on the Catholic priest jokes please -- This is quite serious). So, I pretty much stopped the practice from the age of fourteen onward (except for a few rare occasions in which I honestly couldn't help myself. I felt extremely guilty about them, and tore myself up over it).

Now, I am really starting to feel guilty about this newfound "exploration". I am trying to justify it by telling myself that since my wife masturbates on a regular basis, then it is also OK for me to do so as well. I am not going to lie -- it does feel really good! However, I have not yet told my wife about any of this (because of the Holidays). However, our sex life continues to be on the rocks, and my wife has spent two nights away from home this month (once on the 21st, and again on the 29th). I suspect she is continuing her affair but I can't prove it. I am really scared that I am going to lose her (although she is still very kind to me and says she loves me when I ask her). 

A couple of questions: When viewing this porn, I see quite a bit of focus on the woman's breasts / nipple stimulation (especially when a woman is masturbating). Is this really so important or is this just in the movies? In other words, just how important is breast / nipple stimulation for a woman? Please forgive my total nievety here.

Secondly, I actually tend to have a "better" orgasmic experience when I masturbate vs. when my wife and I make love. Is this normal? I am really ashamed to admit that. God I feel like such a complete freak even wrting this...

Anyway, I guess the whole point of this post is to type out my feelings and my present state of mind. Obviously, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand that two or three teaspoons of semen have a much better chance at causing pregnancy than two or three drops ever would (I do understand that it only takes one sperm but still...I'm sure you know what I'm getting at). I honestly think my wife has been seeing this other guy for the duration of our marriage. I definitely still love her, and am "in love" with her, but I remain very confused.

Thanks for reading this long winded post. Atleast typing this out helps to feel a little better -- even a little more understood. I would be grateful for your thoughts and comments. Thanks.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Please don't take this personally, and I'll warn you that I have an overactive imagination, especially when it comes to worst-case scenarios, but when you ask her if she loves you, what do you think she is going to say? Certainly not: "No, I hate your f**king guts and I want a REAL man to be with, and I know damn well that I can get one, but the only reason I'm stringing you along is that everyone will hate me for leaving you, so I guess I'm stuck with your sorry ass while I try to find real happiness on the side."
No, of course she's gonna say that she loves you.
(Sorry if that sounded harsh, but I'm just trying to imagine what may be going on in her head)
Seriously, I would demand a DNA test.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

andy38 said:


> When viewing this porn, I see quite a bit of focus on the woman's breasts / nipple stimulation (especially when a woman is masturbating). Is this really so important or is this just in the movies? In other words, just how important is breast / nipple stimulation for a woman? Please forgive my total nievety here.
> 
> Secondly, I actually tend to have a "better" orgasmic experience when I masturbate vs. when my wife and I make love. Is this normal? I am really ashamed to admit that. God I feel like such a complete freak even wrting this...


I cant speak for all women, but for me nipple stimulation really turns me on. 

For your second question, I think in your situation what you are feeling is completely normal. Please dont feel like a freak. your questions are really normal and healthy. its great that you're exploring your sexuality. sex can be a great feeling and experience and its healthy for you to want to get the most out of it. porn is a great way to let you see what's out there and help you see what you like. i also had never seen porn before being married. once you learn to communicate what you need to your partner, and get your partner to do the same, your sex life can improve also.


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## andy38 (Dec 10, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Please don't take this personally, and I'll warn you that I have an overactive imagination, especially when it comes to worst-case scenarios, but when you ask her if she loves you, what do you think she is going to say? Certainly not: "No, I hate your f**king guts and I want a REAL man to be with, and I know damn well that I can get one, but the only reason I'm stringing you along is that everyone will hate me for leaving you, so I guess I'm stuck with your sorry ass while I try to find real happiness on the side."
> No, of course she's gonna say that she loves you.
> (Sorry if that sounded harsh, but I'm just trying to imagine what may be going on in her head)
> Seriously, I would demand a DNA test.


F-102, thanks for your comment. I really do appreciate your frank assessment of what she might be going through. Quite frankly, I really don't blame her. 

While I honestly have given her no reason to "hate my f--ing guts (atleast not as a person -- atleast I truly hope not), she may very well hate my guts sexually. I imagine that 30 second to one minute sex virtually every time we have done it over the last several years have likely taken their toll as well, as have other things of a sexual nature (she tried giving me a BJ once and I truly accidentally passed gas (farted) during the act. I really didn't mean to, and it just sort of happened that way. I apologized immediately, but she was sooo grossed out that we've never done it since). I felt like a total idiot, especially since my cerebral palsy causes things like that to happen (occasional loss of control down there) sorry if it's too much information (TMI)!! I'm just being very frank and honest here.

To tell you the truth, everyone probably WOULD hate her for leaving me, as her parents are even more religious than mine (they are pentecostal protestants). I have literally BEGGED her to forgive me for the bad BJ incident, but she pretends that it didn't even happen. Maybe I'm just waaayyy too sensitive for my own good. I want her to be happy too. Maybe she really DOES deserve a "real man"?

Thanks again,

Andy


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## andy38 (Dec 10, 2010)

Blanca said:


> I cant speak for all women, but for me nipple stimulation really turns me on.


Blanca, thanks for your honest opinion. If I may ask you a personal question, in what way does nipple stimulation affect you? Does it cause you to achieve orgasm? Or achieve orgasm faster? Also, do you stimulate your breasts during masturbation or during intercourse or both? Sorry if I am being too personal here. I am just very curious about this topic. Thanks for sharing.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I'm so sorry but I would tend to agree that it's unlikely the child is yours. You can get paternity tests done, but as you know, your wife already knows the truth anyway.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

andy38 said:


> If I may ask you a personal question, in what way does nipple stimulation affect you? Does it cause you to achieve orgasm? Or achieve orgasm faster? Also, do you stimulate your breasts during masturbation or during intercourse or both? Sorry if I am being too personal here. I am just very curious about this topic.


Hey Andy, no need to apologize for asking these personal questions, we LOVE to get personal in the sex section!  Are you kidding !! 

Listen to Star, continue to masterbate, Stoke it daily -this is good for your health (prostate) and sanity !  None of us are surprised you are enjoying this ! You'd be crazy not too ! This is so long overdue for you. Because of your upbringing, you have been "sexually repressed". This is a shame, these things can be very MIND crippling if we let them be. (I was a little like you but oh the learning I have come to know). 

I am so glad you found this website, this is a great place to Educate yourself, ask questions! Keep being honest with yourself, not denying your pleasurable feelings, this repression & guilt will go in time. Arm yourself with education , you will gain new insights into this Gift God gave each one of us. --to fully enjoy our sexuality. Do NOT feel ashamed about any of these things. 

I wonder since masterbating has not been a part of your life, maybe this IS the sole reason for NOT lasting long enough when you have had sex with your wife !! ?? (Me & my husband used to only do it once a week -for many yrs of our marraige, he did not masterbate during those yrs but waited for me & he had to get me SO ready before I got on top of him cause he would blow within 30 seconds of pumping- to a minute -if I had to guess. Looking back, this was insanity, he either should have been masterbating more or we should have been doing it more so he "could" last longer). This is the answer for many men with premature ejaculation 


Yes, NIpple stimulation has a powerful effect for some women to reach orgasms. Great positions is cowgirl with the guy sucking her nipples while she is on top of him grinding , or the man sitting up , him at her breasts while she is coming down on him. Read this : The Orgasm Answer Guide - Google Books

I sincerely hope you get a DNA test, you deserve much better than what your wife is doing. You are very very understanding --but probably TOOO MUCH so ! I hope you and her can sort this out. Keep learning, experimenting, asking, we all can become sexual dynamos in bed. 


Buy a book like this one : Amazon.com: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (9780060538262): Ian Kerner: Books One of these authors (I forget which book I read) had a severe case of Premature Ejaculation, his only option to please a woman was to become an expert at doing her orally. And he became that expert & wrote about it to help other men. And if you didn't know this... the majority of women enjoy ORAL & can orgasm much quicker & easier -in comparison to intercourse anyway.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

andy38 said:


> Blanca, thanks for your honest opinion. If I may ask you a personal question, in what way does nipple stimulation affect you? Does it cause you to achieve orgasm?


It helps me achieve orgasm. I could not have an orgasm from nipple stimulation alone, if that is what you're asking. It might sound kind of weird but i think my breasts are awesome...haha. and i love having them played with, licked, sucked, squeezed whatever you name it i like it. i dont think i could get very turned on without the stimulation.



andy38 said:


> Also, do you stimulate your breasts during masturbation or during intercourse or both? Sorry if I am being too personal here. I am just very curious about this topic. Thanks for sharing.


nice thing about the forums is that you can get very personal! i like them stimulated both during masturbation and intercourse. i like it if my H watches me stimulate myself during intercourse. i like it if he bites my nipples during intercourse. id even love having a threesome and having another girl bitting my nipples, etc during intercourse with my H. just about whatever! welcome to the wild world of raw sexuality


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

I don't like my nips touched at all.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Wow, I'm just gonna post my experience here. Don't feel bad about masturbation. It something quite natural. Really. I can't speak for all men, but since I've started, you could say that I have averaged around once a day. See, you could be worse XD. 
About premature. Well, yeah, like people said, masturbate more often, masturbate before having sex, and although not possible I guess, have sex more often. Even I notice that during the times I do it less often, my penis becomes more sensitive. Also, it's a great way to get to k ow yourself, like it seems you are doing now. There is no shame in exploring your body. 

Porn (and other resources) is fun to look at, but keep in mind that it's entertainment for guys. Its depiction of sex is not always realistic and all women are different. Mine couldn't care less for soft breast stimulation and likes them groped hard as she is less sensitive there. Also, she doesnt come in the same way most women on screen do. I don't know to what extent you have been looking at porn, but you might want to check out some amateur stuff (though they have been becoming more hardcore nowadays) as well. Another good site for fun porn stiff is fleshbot.com. The title might be meh, but they have a certain taste in porn I really like. Also, semi weekly top 10 amateur porn articles. 

About your wife. I can't even try to understand what you are going through. All I can offer is my support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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