# trying to stay hopeful



## so_lonely (Oct 7, 2008)

My husband and I have been going through some tough times. He had started developing feelings for someone else but those feelings were not returned. He was very sad to realize this. He also told me that he has lost some of his feelings for me. He tells me that he still loves me but it's not the same as it used to be. We were having problems...we haven't been going out much and I know that has taken a toll. I let him know that I am willing to work it out, to make whatever changes need to be made. He knows that I am in this 150%.

We decided together to take a break so he can get his mind settled and figure things out. It is just killing me though being away from him and not being able to talk to him. I'm absolutely miserable without him and this short time we've spent apart has already told me that I cannot live without him. I can only see this getting harder as time passes. I wish I could know how he is and how this is going to turn out. I know no one can tell me what's going to happen though. I have hope that things will work out but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up too high.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It sounds like a self esteem issue. You need to work on yourself and your independence. As a strong woman you will seem more attractive and be able to be there for your husband more. On the other hand you will not live your life through him.

draconis


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## NikiVicious (Oct 2, 2008)

You stated you are giving your 150%. You are giving that TO him. Save some for yourself.  What is he giving to your relationship? At least he is honest with you but the direction he is taking is stepping back from his marriage. 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you are very co-dependent in your relationship. 

1) Try to do things that take your mind off him. Be yourself, and LOVE yourself first and formost. Join belly dancing classes with friends or make a new friend. Better your heart and gain support from friends and family you trust. (as hard as this may be its important that you strengthen up). 

2) Be willing to experience whatever happens. That last statement is MUCH easier said then done. So thats why the first step is so important. 

It may just be that once he sees you're doing so well on your own, and not stuck in a cycle of NEEDING him so much emotionally, perhaps he will wake up and realize what he has lost!

Has he moved out?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

:iagree:


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## so_lonely (Oct 7, 2008)

I know you guys are exactly right. My sister-in-law was just telling me pretty much the same thing.

I am very dependent on him and now I can see that it's not going to get me anywhere. It's very hard for me to do this. He's been my best friend for 9 years and I never would have thought that this would happen to us. I've never had to be without him before so this is all new to me. 

I know that I need to be strong and more independent but I can't see that happening in the _very_ near future. I tried to go meet a friend today but when I get behind the wheel of my car I realized there was no way I could drive. My head is just so boggled right now...unless I'm watching a movie or doing something that captures my attention I can't help but think about everything.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

so_lonely said:


> My head is just so boggled right now...unless I'm watching a movie or doing something that captures my attention I can't help but think about everything.


Well, at least you realize that you need to be more independent. Try to stay positive and focus on what you _can_ do.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

ljtseng said:


> Well, at least you realize that you need to be more independent. Try to stay positive and focus on what you _can_ do.


:iagree:

draconis


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## so_lonely (Oct 7, 2008)

Tomorrow will make one week that my husband and I have been apart. 

Let me give you a little information about my situation since I didn't do that before. He said that he was losing some feelings for me. Basically, he still loves me but isn't sure if he's still in love with me. We've had some problems that will be easy to resolve if we decide to work it out. I'm all for working it out...I love him more than anything. I just hope that he makes the same decision. 

So I've gotten better about being more independent this week. Of course it's only been a week so I'm not totally fine or anything...but I've improved. I've gone out with some friends a couple times. I'm planning a trip to go visit another friend in NY very soon. I've been trying to do things for myself, things that will not make me think about my husband. It's been hard but I'm doing ok. I know now that if things work out for the two of us I need to make more friends and do things on my own more often. 

However, I still think about him a lot. I still wonder what he's doing and how he's doing without me. We talked once this week and it was a very short conversation but it was so good to hear his voice.  

I'm so ready for this separation to be over and to be with him again but obviously he's not at that point yet.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Stay with it. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction.

draconis


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