# Why women are so mean with one another?



## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

I was the other day on a university reunion and it wasn't very pleasant because my girls classmates were very mean to me with no reason. 

They were keep talking behind my back on why I'm I wearing heels because I'm quite tall(5 10) and I look rubbish in it or why am I still in shape and so on. I should say I live in uk but I'm not British I'm from Eastern Europe and here women just keep piling the pounds with no particular reason.

I come home quite upset after this incident because I didn't wanted to go but my hubby said it with be nice to see my classmates again. I should mention that was 3 year reunion.

Coming at my original question, why women are so mean to each other? Because this wasn't the only incident I encountered in this few years since I'm in UK....


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## AFwifey (Apr 26, 2013)

Women usually are catty and mean by nature...least in my experience they are. Most often they are jealous of whomever they are "making fun of" and its really fairly obvious. Being insecure with themselves makes it easier for them to pick apart another woman. As long as you know what they are saying isn't true then to heck with them.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Kristisha said:


> I was the other day on a university reunion and it wasn't very pleasant because my girls classmates were very mean to me with no reason.
> 
> They were keep talking behind my back on why I'm I wearing heels because I'm quite tall(5 10) and I look rubbish in it or why am I still in shape and so on. I should say I live in uk but I'm not British I'm from Eastern Europe and here women just keep piling the pounds with no particular reason.
> 
> ...


I know plenty of women who prefer male bosses and male friends over females because of the nastyness. Some women just prefer the directness that we males tend to use. I have seen women smile, kiss and be sweet to a friends face and just tear them apart as soon as they turn their back. I've seen this too many times NOT to generalize. Men tend to avoid talking about other men in this fashion because they might end up with a bloody lip.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

This is caveman stuff. Women are competitive with each other because they have evolved to be. A man could impregnate any woman or any number of women, but until the last few decades, a woman's survival for herself and her offspring depended on her ability to latch onto a decent mate. Women were in competition for these mates. Thousands of years of evolution don't disappear because someone dreamed up women's lib a few years ago.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Women often feel that they are competing, for friendship, for men, for superiority. This is more common in younger women who are still trying to prove who they are and establish their place in life.

Most of us mature past that stage at some point.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> Women often feel that they are competing, for friendship, for men, for superiority. This is more common in younger women who are still trying to prove who they are and establish their place in life.
> 
> Most of us mature past that stage at some point.


 You Are right, and when you think that they are 25. An this age I thought that they matured but it seems not. They were like that when we were in university but I always was indifferent on their mean arguments .

Sanity I always preferred to work with men on different projects because I was sick of the tension between the group.
The irony is that on my first job I was fired with no real reason and guess what , my boss was a woman...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Most of us mature past that stage at some point.


:rofl: not as many as we'd like to believe. 

Sadly,a huge number of women are still stuck in high school maturity mode.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

It's not attractive... sorry, I don't find the 'catty' behavior or whatever you want to call it attractive. 

I like confident, but still feminine, women


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

drerio said:


> It's not attractive... sorry, I don't find the 'catty' behavior or whatever you want to call it attractive.
> 
> I like confident, but still feminine, women


Only if they (women) knew...:rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kristisha said:


> I was the other day on a university reunion and it wasn't very pleasant because my girls classmates were very mean to me with no reason.
> 
> They were keep talking behind my back on why I'm I wearing heels because I'm quite tall(5 10) and I look rubbish in it or why am I still in shape and so on. I should say I live in uk but I'm not British I'm from Eastern Europe and here women just keep piling the pounds with no particular reason.
> 
> ...


How did you know that they were saying these things if they were doing it behind your back?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I've worked with many men and many women. I've had male bosses and female bosses. 

The best boss I've ever had as a woman.. my current boss. The worst bosses I've had were men.. probably because most of my bosses have been men.

The meanest, cattiest people I've worked have been men. Right now there are two men I work with who are constantly going behind my back and everyone else's back and stabbling anyone they can find to stab. Unfortunately I have some of their stab wounds that have not completely healed.

My point is that there are good people in both genders.

There are stereo types in both genders that are nothing more than stereo types and do not really represent individuals.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> How did you know that they were saying these things if they were doing it behind your back?


A few friends told me . About generalisation, I agree with you, good people can be either way of the barricade .
What upset me about this incident is that I never made a bad comment about somebody especially about them, on contrary . I really thought they were my friends...:scratchhead:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I would like to say this isn't true, but many (but not all) women are very competitive with one another. Put a group of us together long enough, and we'll even adjust our cycles so that we menstruate / ovulate at the same time...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kristisha said:


> A few friends told me . About generalisation, I agree with you, good people can be either way of the barricade .
> What upset me about this incident is that I never made a bad comment about somebody especially about them, on contrary . I
> really thought they were my friends...:scratchhead:


Why did you think that they were your friends if they were the same way in university?



Kristisha said:


> They were like that when we were in university but I always was indifferent on their mean arguments .


All people will not like you... it's a fact of life. Both men and women are competative and try to knock out their competition. Anohter fact of life.

So just ignore those who don't like you or who are catty about you. Don't let them bother you. Otherwise you will spend your life feeling bad because you cannot make them all like and admire you.

Keep in mind that it is easy for a good looking woman to have male friends and co-workers. Why? Because the good looking woman is not in competion on a personal level with the men around her. Now the men around her will be nice to her because they want to get into her pants. 

Tell me, at the reunion, did you make any comments to anyone about how the other women in your class were putting on weight?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I never saw this as much before my current wife. She's pointed things out to me that are glaringly obvious to her (mean girls' club) which I had never even contemplated before. There seems to be a whole female subculture out there, complete with sperm-stealing, in-your-face cattiness that never ends. There are always exceptions to prove the rule, however. And different levels of activity.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

This starts younger than some may think. My daughters softball team could be a soap opera. When they are on the field everything is fine, but there is a lot of *****ing and backstabbing behind the scenes. My boys teams are happy go lucky all the time.

I have often thought that turmoil makes women happy


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Female Blogger Weight-Shames Cheerleader—Why Are Women So Mean?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

One of the best things about getting older is that i just don't care anymore.. if someone (male or female) wants to b!tch/gossip/backstab..... they can go for it! 

Unless it's someone in my nearest and dearest circle... I just don't care. I'm way too busy for that [email protected]

I don't consider this a gender issue though... just a nice people versus sucky people thing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

doubletrouble said:


> I never saw this as much before my current wife. She's pointed things out to me that are glaringly obvious to her (mean girls' club) which I had never even contemplated before. There seems to be a whole female subculture out there, complete with sperm-stealing, in-your-face cattiness that never ends. There are always exceptions to prove the rule, however. And different levels of activity.


What is "sperm-stealing".

So what you are saying is that your wife picks freinds who are "sperm-stealing (?), in-your-face caty".

Some women are like that, some are not. 

I tend to pick female freinds who are not catty. If I heard someone talking like that about another woman, I'd assume that's how they would talk about me when my back was turned. So I'd drop the catty woman as a friend. 

The same goes for guys.. guys can be very mean spirited...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kristisha said:


> They were keep talking behind my back on why I'm I wearing heels because I'm quite tall(5 10) and I look rubbish in it or why am I still in shape and so on. I should say I live in uk but I'm not British I'm from Eastern Europe and *here women just keep piling the pounds with no particular reason.*


Isn't that a kind of mean-spirited catty comment?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> What is "sperm-stealing".
> 
> So what you are saying is that your wife picks freinds who are "sperm-stealing (?), in-your-face caty".
> 
> ...


No, SHE avoids them. I had no clue till she was able to consistently point out their behavior. 
Sperm-stealing as in wants to f*** your man, right in front of you. Like Beverly Hills Housewives or such, lol
We avoid all folks of any gender who behave like that, frankly. Including family.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

They do it because they feel threatened.

End of story.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Why did you think that they were your friends if they were the same way in university?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 I always chosen to be indifferent even tough this comments were made since we were at uni. Most of them I didn't believed it so it didn't bothered me. After finishing the university each went different way but we stayed in touch via Internet and sometimes phone.( we didn't see each other in this years)

Regarding the reunion ,no I didn't make any comment about anyone to anybody. What happen tough was that when we saw each other one of them started to say that she gained weight and she don't know what to do anymore to lose weight.

The other two started to give advices and when I said to eat less and exercise more she started attacking me. By saying I don't know how difficult is for her to lose weight and she doesn't have time to exercise and why have I insulted her( saying eat less). 

I was stunned , I apologised and I said to her that she understood me wrong. The idea is that she was ok with what the other 2 but when I said what I said she was all over me anyway she didn't forgave me and I went to sit at another table.


When I said women her pounding on the pounds is because is true but the real reason is because I am upset she didn't forgive me and she was ok with the other two saying really nasty stuff about her gaining the weight in the first place...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kristisha said:


> I always chosen to be indifferent even tough this comments were made since we were at uni. Most of them I didn't believed it so it didn't bothered me. After finishing the university each went different way but we stayed in touch via Internet and sometimes phone.( we didn't see each other in this years)
> 
> Regarding the reunion ,no I didn't make any comment about anyone to anybody. What happen tough was that when we saw each other one of them started to say that she gained weight and she don't know what to do anymore to lose weight.
> 
> ...


Look at this. She reacted badly to what you said. So now you react badly. She does not forgive you. You do not forgive her.

Let me guess, the others saying some things about her weight were also overweight. Am I right?

It sounds like you are slender. Your presence made an insecure woman feel even more insecure. Then you tell her that she just needs to eat less and exercise.

There are a lot of things that contribute to weight gain… from the number of fat genes a person has, to the type of bacteria in their gut, to the health of their thyroid, to hormone balance/imbalance, etc etc etc. 

What you said to her was like a slap in the face. Plus if the other women have also gained weight.. they probably had the same reaction to your comments.

You sort-of brought this on yourself. Your comment could be looked at as being catty.


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## missmim (Dec 29, 2012)

I used to see this all the time when I went out more. I have many friends who are very attractive. They always get the glares are "cattyness". 

For example: A couple months ago I went out to a bar with my H and another couple. It was winter and my friend is very good looking and dresses very nicely. 

I was speaking with my friends SO and she was speaking to mine, for about 20 minutes. After wrapping up a conversation I turned to my H and my friend, they both start telling me about this random chick giving my husband the stink eye from across the bar. Aparently she had been doing it for awhile. 

My friend was pissed and basically wanted to go confront this woman about starring down my H. But when I saw what she looked like (tight tube skirt and skin tight spaghetti strap shirt, she was not fat but also not in great shape AND it was not something people around here wear in winter) I just laughed. I informed her that it wasnt my husband she didn't like, it was that he was talking to someone more attractive then her. She would glare at my H then turn and whisper to her friends. HA HA. 

Jealousy, it's always jealousy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: Re: Why women are so mean with one another?*



EleGirl said:


> Look at this. She reacted badly to what you said. So now you react badly. She does not forgive you. You do not forgive her.
> 
> Let me guess, the others saying some things about her weight were also overweight. Am I right?
> 
> ...


More than a bit of speculation, projection and blaming the victim there Elegirl.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I have seen it both ways. I work in IT so there aren't a lot of women. I do work closely with a number of teams within our organization that are either led by a woman or are primarily made up of women. The President and CEO of our company is a woman and I have an incredible amount of respect for her ... not because of her title but because she earns it every day. Women definitely bring something different to the workplace and I completely enjoy working with them. It is a strange dynamic. Some of the most driven, hard working people we have are women. Some of them are really impressive. Some of them are also the hardest to please for whatever reason ... you do NOT want to get on their bad side ... whereas most guys I work with are fairly laid back. 

A couple of the teams I work with are primarily or exclusively women and are the closest group of people I work with ... they have each others back and when one of them is having a hard time they all support her ... to a fault sometimes. It's no secret that as an IT guy, and one with influence, part of my job is to increase efficiency within the organization and sometimes that means that people lose their jobs. I have literally had some of the more senior members of teams within our organization that are made up primarily of women approach me about concerns they have about how improvements IT is making might impact the job security of some of the weaker performers on their team ... something I have never in 23 years in my career heard from a male. 

That said, I've seen plenty of times women who act like best friends together but get them in a one-on-one conversation without the other one present and let the vicious back-stabbing commence, unlike anything I've ever seen. 

Like I said ... just a very different dynamic. What do I know though ... I'm just a nerdy IT guy


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

drerio said:


> It's not attractive... sorry, I don't find the 'catty' behavior or whatever you want to call it attractive.
> 
> I like confident, but still feminine, women



:iagree:10000% Drerio. I try my best to keep my distance from women who play games and are very "catty"...life if too short to waste it. Just stay with the confident women!!!!!


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I don't like men or women that behave that way. I'm sorry you were treated badly though. 
I have been treated really badly and really well by both sexes. So I don't see it as woman thing.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I know it is a generalization but men an women do tend to react in different ways to confrontation.

Normally if you upset a man he will let you know that he is upset there and then (either verbally or with physical reaction). However if you upset women the chances are she will appear to ignore it but then plot (often with her girl friends) for however long it takes to "get you back".

My father says "upset a bloke and the worst that will happen is a punch on the nose right now, upset a bird and you could get a knife in the back six weeks down the line"


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Look at this. She reacted badly to what you said. So now you react badly. She does not forgive you. You do not forgive her.
> 
> Let me guess, the others saying some things about her weight were also overweight. Am I right?
> 
> ...



I wasn't catty ,she asked for a solution and I give her the basic solution for any weight loss. What my weight had to do with her being insecure? 


I haven't started that conversion, plus the other 2 were mean to her( why did she gained weight in the first place and why her husband left her). I didn't know that all she wanted to do is to complain and do nothing about it. This issue is very sensible among women even tough I apologised. 

I'm forgive her but I still can't understand why am I the bad guy? The other two were mean and she was ok with them....

Just for the record her friends gained weight to so maybe that's why they all had to say something about me being insensible to their problem..


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> They were keep talking behind my back on why I'm I wearing heels because I'm quite tall(5 10) and I look rubbish in it or why am I still in shape and so on. I should say I live in uk but I'm not British I'm from Eastern Europe and here women just keep piling the pounds with no particular reason.


If I were you I'd take it as a compliment. Jealousy is everywhere for all sorts of reasons, in this case it's beauty. Other times it can be wealth, status, it's human nature to envy. Some people simply don't know how to handle themselves when overwhelmed with it however, but they serve their purposes as entertainment.

I personally find catfights rather amusing - and glad I'm not a woman!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

drerio said:


> It's not attractive... sorry, I don't find the 'catty' behavior or whatever you want to call it attractive.
> 
> *I like confident, but still feminine, women*


This ^^^is me too.
I agree 100% with your entire statement.

But other than that, all of my employees and competitors are women, I operate a business in a female dominated industry.
I like working and doing business with women. In business they act less threatening towards me than men have done in my past dealings with other male dominated businesses.

So maybe its really a gender thing. Men do it to , but they would be more explicit and hostile.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

drerio said:


> It's not attractive... sorry, I don't find the 'catty' behavior or whatever you want to call it attractive.
> 
> I like confident, but still feminine, women


:iagree:

Most unattractive - and confident, secure women have little time for that sort of negativity. I avoid catty women like the plague


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *RandomDude said*: I personally find catfights rather amusing - and glad I'm not a woman!


Lets see.... I tend to EXPECT women to be catty, petty, overly emotional, passive aggressive, and all these things that make relationships/ communication more difficult at times.. .but ya know....as a woman, I still need them in my life... my dear friends... so what in the world to do [email protected]#$%

I have always tried to be a good listener, open / approachable / balanced ...trying to not take sides...(this has annoyed my friends at times, feeling I was defending the one they were talking about!)...yet they know they can trust me with anything...... this has afforded me to hear all the cat fights among all of my friends (which can be rather entertaining if I must be honest)....

I also get to hear from one what another has said ABOUT ME behind my back!! Now most women would seriously have a hissy freaking fit with this sort of thing....Not me.... I have found it quite amusing at times....Like "Oh reeeaaalllyy....hmmm do tell me more".....but ya know....I do allow this to slide off of me... I'll weight it....as I should.... if I have caused any of the Bad talk, I will try to fix/ bring peace..... but many times... it really is just the way some women are.. spouting in a moment....and a little back stabbish... they still keep coming around...so what the heck..

I give them GRACE....if not hell I would have thrown the majority of them out.... I figure... if they can put up with me, I can put up with them...I am pretty easy to get along with...

So long as you don't take my man, hurt my kids, steal from me, and show yourself decently friendly...even if you have moments yakking with some unfavorable comment about me...or we disagree, get a little heavy....I'll throw you a rope and we'll still have tea together... 

I've never been the type to get "Clicky" with women... not even in High school... I just wanted everyone to get along. I've always been the type... "Can't we all just GET ALONG already"... .and I try to bridge old friends back together... 

Cause seriously most of these things are truly LITTLE in the scheme of living.. one feels hurt so they go running to put down another - and it has nothing at all to even do with the internal hurt they are projecting in another way...and usually to another friend !


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Most unattractive - and confident, secure women have little time for that sort of negativity. I avoid catty women like the plague


BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I avoid catty women too...and I hope my son grows up with a healthy understanding of what to avoid and what to cherish in the ladies he will meet later in life. He is 12 now, and is now noticing that some of the girls in his class have "way too much drama". Brings a smile to my wife's and my face to hear him noticing this at his young age


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I avoid catty women too...and I hope my son grows up with a healthy understanding of what to avoid and what to cherish in the ladies he will meet later in life. He is 12 now, and is now noticing that some of the girls in his class have "way too much drama". Brings a smile to my wife's and my face to hear him noticing this at his young age


 That was funny:smthumbup: good for him


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Catty people (gossips, smack-talkers) are unavoidable in everyday life, unfortunately. When I am conversing and someone starts smack-talk about another person, I look them in the eye and sincerely ask them “Why is that important to you?” Stops the smack every time.

Oh and, catty/gossips/smack-talkers are *insecure* so they are playing a *one-upmanship game*. Don't play their game.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Oh boy it's good you asked this question .

To be fair I know your not talking about all women just the select few that are wanna be alpha women who think they are the sh*t.

There are more women in this world then men that is a simple fact and some women feel that your stepping on their imaginary territory.  That's when you say B*** please get over it. I got teased a lot in middle school/HS and I still get that evil glare on occasion I just learn to ignore it now. But back then I didn't know any better I wanted to belong to my female folk and I got ostracized because I'am/was about 5'8 and have big boobs and for some reason a lot of women assumed I was dumb because I had big boobs :scratchhead: I was teased endlessly by other girls, but I wouldn't change it for the world I became the person I'am today.  

I honestly believe and I will admit this. That most/some women don't trust each other nor like each other until you get to know each other. Now I don't talk about the person I do my own sizing up, I observe people I look at what they do not what they say and go from there. I have a few girlfriends that I would take a bullet for, I'am very protective of the few friends I do have, I also do my best to live up to a code of giving my word on something and keep it if you are my friend a true friend you have my undying loyalty, I don't have many female friends because when I do make friendships I put a lot of time and effort into it. I look at quality not quantity. 

I have male friends as well but I connect with them differently then women only because of my interests the things I love to do doesn't really involve women like correction LOVE... such as cars, video games, comic books, and yes D&D. Some women ruin everything with their constant whining and need for attention (sigh) more on that later. The one thing I really appreciate with men is they are more direct don't beat around the bush and tell you things you may or may not want to hear. Now that doesn't mean that some men don't exclude nor talk about other men behind their back, I just honestly don't see it happen that often (at least form what I witnessed.) 

As I get older I'm learning bit by bit to trust the lucky few (women) that deserve it, women can be cruel sometimes more so than men. But I'm learning that you can't punish and hold grudges to the women that are actually cool and down to earth. May the chips fall where they may pick yourself up and try again and don't be scared to check someone. 

If someone is talking about you stand up for yourself one thing I know is most gossips are cowards, so you walk over there and say hey ***** I couldn't help but over hear that lovely conversation that you were having over here, (presentation is everything) be calm be cool and collected look her in the eye when you ask this, stand tall and don't look nervous. 

"So since I'am here what exactly was it that you were saying? Smile when you say this, people that talk sh*t become uneasy when you smile. Now two things can happen, she would tell you to your face what she said, or she won't, either way you end the conversation,. " I see" well I would greatly appreciate it that the next time you decide that you want to talk about me I prefer that you say it to my face, you know like a adult not like a 12 year old and I will do the same and throw something in there like girl "looks like your boobs are fighting a war with that shirt you might want to pull that up a bit we don't want to look desperate now do you?." (Then smile) (and end it with.) Have a lovely evening." Then you walk away.


Bullies are cowards but never apologize for being you and stand up for yourself.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Before I met my husband he did visit the UK it was for work when he was asked by his family and his not so nice ex wife how it was like and what what did the women look like? "Honestly? He said. And he told them this straight up you ladies would be mad because a lot of the women were in shape they walk every where and take care of themselves it was mind blowing I hardly ever saw any women over weight and if they were they were usually older. He was there for about a month or so for work, so when you described yourself that is exactly what he said he saw.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I've always worked in female-dominated industries. I have almost entirely women as friends. I get along fabulously with my mother, sister and female cousins. I volunteer in organisations founded and managed by women.

I've really never encountered the kind of cattiness everyone talks about. I don't do it, I don't see it.

I'm pretty confident and secure in myself, so maybe like attracts like. Or maybe I'm oblivious.


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