# just found out



## saagarika (Oct 19, 2008)

mine is a love marriage and me and my husband-we have been married for two years and have a kid.i found out recently that he had been writing lovingly to some lady through mails.when i enquired him and when my suspicions grew stronger, he admitted that he had had physical relationship with that lady 5 years before and at that stage he had not proposed to me.he told me that after we got committed, he had stopped seeing her and picking her calls....and shortly after this issue , i found again that he had been chatting and flirting with a girl through net for the past 8 years....he promises me now that he will never err again and that he will stay true to his commitment.how do i believe his words....? i've lost all my trust and regards for him now......what do i do ? iam literally confused. i cannot leave him bcos i have to consider my child's future along with mine.pls help.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

There is no way you can make it on your own?


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## saagarika (Oct 19, 2008)

see he had been chattimg with this girl for 8 years and tells me that it is only flirting and nothing else and asks me to check his passport .he says they became good friends after that initial flirting.and about the first lady - he told me that she cried over him and took advantage of his innocence and made all the advances....and when he realised what he was doing , he told her not to advance any further.....even that woman is married and she is much elder to him and not that attractive and all. i myself am very conservative and i have never allowed my husband to make physical advances when we were in love...............my commitment has always been solid and will continue to be that way till death.


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## saagarika (Oct 19, 2008)

my husaband worked along with my sis and had come home often.what he says is that all he loved is only me and the other two are passing clouds and he says that he is not emotionally committed to them.my mom can never bear the shock of my life becoming a failure.


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## saagarika (Oct 19, 2008)

i didn't get you .you mean to say that things will fall in place and there is still hope ?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

The only way to rebuild trust is for him to be very open and honest with you going forward. He should make his computer whereabouts open so you can check if you wish. If he has nothing to hide, he should want to do this to rebuild trust. The more time that passes where you find nothing the trust will slowly build.


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## saagarika (Oct 19, 2008)

hello, hope you remember my problem.....ian planning to join my husband in the u.s shortly....distance seems to be the biggest problem now......it's not that i can change things if iam near.after what happened to me, it's very difficult for me to trust my husband.......i somehow feel that he has caused a irrepairable damage to our marital relationship.......i've lost all sleep and iam slowly losing my health.........my appetite has gone too..........i dont believe him and i dont know how to do that also.i feel uncomfortable even talkiing to him......i cannot pretend to be normal to him with such a turbulent mind................at times he says he is willing to change and he'll stick to his words but he fails to prove his words in to action.........saying that he can convince me easily which i think is an unhealthy attitude and especially after what has happened between us........i feel lost.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I can understand how you are feeling with the constant anxiety, trouble sleeping and eating. I've been there myself. If you have already decided you are not leaving him, then I would recommend taking care of YOU...meaning talk to him about boundaries and what he needs to do (living an open-book life) in order to regain your trust. You can but it will take time and he will really need to want to be there for you during this process and be understanding of your hurt in order for you to heal within the marriage. If that is what he means by convincing you easily, then let him try...if it means more talk, talk, talk...you've heard it all I'm sure...he needs to show you now and really mean it. Good luck...I hope you will feel better soon and be able to focus more on yourself.


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## saagarika (Oct 19, 2008)

my problem still persists.me and my husband-we pick up quarrels all the time and this leaves me agitated and i feel dizzy and weak on my knees everytime i get emotionally stirred.iam scared of becoming convulsive as my whole being shudders whenever i get in to an argument with my husband.he stays non-chalant most of the time and tells me that it is because of stress at work.our fights are going to have a very strong impact on my child's psychology.iam here on my H4 and will not be able to take up any work.i'll have to depend on my husband for everything......he avoids talking as well as getting close ..............i feel so low........and lost......


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