# my wife is destroying our family



## david79801 (Dec 31, 2011)

some time back my wife seemed to be pushing me away...going back about a year.she stoped having sex with me and became a lot less affectionate.when i tryed to talk to her about it she told me she does not feel the same as when we first met...i told her that love is a choice and that after several years relationships do change with time and the stress of everyday life.i love her with all my heart but she says now she feels nothing for me and does not want me.we have a 4 year old daughter in the middle of this and i want our family together.my wife said i worked to much and over the last few years did not spend enough time with her and sarah...it is true i did work a lot but i did that to take care of my family and give my wife the things she wanted.my wife is from south america and i know that her family is important to her so each year we make a 1 or 2 month trip to visit.if i had not worked as i did we would not have been able to afford these trips.my wife has helped very little in earning income for our household but uses up a lot of what i earn.each month we send 500.dollars to her mother (south america) who does not work.we also the first people her family come to when they need money for this or that..ive paid for airline tickets for her sisters husband and brother ...bought a used motor bike for her brother to use as a taxi..paid for her aunts kid when he broke an air cond at work and they threatned him...we also send a few bucks for a friend of my wife who has a child and does not work...the list goes on and on.
when we have visited her family it has been an all exspense paid vacation for us and her family and friends with me paying all the food /restaurant bills...accomodations and pallets of beer that are drank like water.last year my wife and daughter went ahead of me for 6 weeks to visit her family and despite staying with her sister spent about 9000 bucks over the 6 weeks...on what i have no idea other than sexy dresses and buying everything for everyone and there dog.
my wife has no concept of money....she never ever ever enters a store without buying something for herself and stuff we really do not need...budjet is not in her dictionary.
ive done all i can to keep my wife happy...i encouraged her to get a drivers lic and bought her a nice vehical recently and we are in the process of buying a nice new home....but non of this seems to matter to her....i feel like she is using me and wants the things i can buy for her but treats me like i have a contagious disease and won,t come near me.i know our relationship cannot survive with one person loving and giving and the other not caring and only taking.i can accept the extra finacial costs of having her in my life if she loves me and it is reciprical...but not if all she wants from me is for me to be a roommate that pays for all she wants.she works about 30 hours a month in a business i own and for that i pay her 16 or 17 hundred a month...that money is sent to her family...spent on calling cards and buying stuff for herself.it does not go to pay her gas...food...phone etc...she has 50 handbags...50 pairs of shoes..jewelry galore...
as i said she has no concept of money or the work it takes to earn it.i could have her work done by someone else for 4 or 5 hun bucks.she talks now about getting her own place and a job- pay her own bills ...but any job she would get might pay her 12 or 13 bucks an hour and her spending habits would have to change in a big way. right now she seems torn between leaving (because of our daughter) and i actually think that she would like to stay as things are with me as roommate continuing to pay for everything... for now. im thinking i should tell her to get a job and start paying her own bills and own way...but im hoping her heart and feelings will change.i do not believe she is cheating and i do not think she wanted this for her daughter or our family but she talks like she has no choice in how she feels....i dont believe that..i believe that love and committment are a choice we make.i dont believe its magic dust floating in the air and true love emporia that people feel when they first meet lasts forever and its happily ever after...i believe relationships are work.
do i tell her to start working and pay her own way?do i risk pushing our chances of keeping my family together further apart?
do i let her exsperience the reality of living on her own and paying her own way?
for my part i work now to secure my daughters future...a new home with a good school and family near by....i hope for the best but exspect the worst.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. You seem more like a meal ticket for her and her whole dang family! What the heck!

She should get a job. 

I don't know what else to say.


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You need really to start thinking. First of all find out your options. Speak to someone about where you stand if you divorce. Dont buy a new house yet. Once you know where you are you have to confront her.


----------



## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

she's just using you for money. since that seems to be the case, i dont think anything will truly change for the right reasons (love).

i agree with the other poster - talk to a lawyer and find out what happens if you divorce. then go from there.

in the meantime i'd stop the big purchases and i wouldn't send any money to her family. start concentrating on YOU. save that money for yourself, or work less if that is what you want.


----------



## BreatheLove (Dec 30, 2011)

Well you haven't clearly mentioned how many years into marriage, and how she was for the first few years of marriage. Based on what you wrote, I would say withdraw the financial support for a while & observe her reactions. That will help you figure out if it actually involves only feelings or she's using you for your money. It will require patience my dear friend!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

You are an awesome Sugar Daddy but getting none of the benefits. At some point, who knows when you spoiled her and while she needs you for your money she no longer respects you. Besides the obvious be aware she she always gets what she wants she may be having some extramarital fun on the side.

Oh and the real point here. Stop doing this. Stop funding this life style. It is your behavior that enables this. You are trying to buy her love. Bad way to go.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> It is your behavior that enables this. You are trying to buy her love. Bad way to go.


:iagree::iagree: ... and a GREAT way to continue being nothing more than a doormat.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if you do decide to D, look into getting a stop on your daughter's passport


----------



## david79801 (Dec 31, 2011)

i am going to begin paying my wife only for hours worked and put the kibosh on buying unneccesary stuff we do not need .The doormat thing is exactly what i told her the other day ...as i told her that i thought she was using me and i felt treated like a doormat. i do not believe she she means to use me intentionally.i do think she has a problem with shoping and control.in her culture no one in her family ever had much of anything where money is concerned...her brother gets paid about a buck an hour ...her sisters perhaps earn 3 or 4 hundred a month so i can understand her lack of knowlage with handling money...still i am to blame for feeding her problem as well i suppose.i can also understand her desire to help her family...but on that note she needs to think of us and our family as well.she wanted to return for a visit home for xmas for a month with her family but i told her in the summer i could not afford to buy her a vehical and send her on a trip so she had to decide.i bought the vehical as she wanted but she still pushed for the trip after that....in stuck to my guns as i really could not afford both.
ive made arrangments and we will be seeking help in dealing with our problems as she has agreed to that so time will tell.i will still be buying a house but it will be mortaged in my name...my daughter needs this...and a stable place to grow up around family with a good school...she is my priority.if my wife wishes it over she will have to leave...i will not. if it comes to the big D i will try to keep it simple without lawyers and huge legal costs...
as far as her trying to skip the country with my daughter she needs a written letter from me for customs before that can happen...as letters can be forged ive taken possetion of my daughters passport and will hold it..


----------

