# First post / does this happen to anybody else?



## Trumpet (Nov 2, 2011)

Ok, so I'm 31, relatively recently married (few years ago) and my wife and I are both healthy, fit, happy, have a great sex life, etc... EXCEPT for something I've observed about twice a year since we met about 7 years ago:

It is always kinda late in the evening when she'll obviously initiate with semi-routine pre-sex activities ... like brush teeth, go to the bathroom, come into bedroom where I am reading, shut door, give me that look, then start to take off her clothes ... so yeah like I said it's obvious. She'll start normal making out / heavy petting and undressing me, then I'll start moving my attention to her in fairly standard ways that always work (I mix it up still though ... like I said, we have a really healthy sex life other than what I'm about to get to).

Once I start in on foreplay, she'll start talking about stuff that's totally unsexy, like tonight it was about a paper she was referencing (we're both professors) that had to do with Hitler and his activities in Austria or something and then went into racism and psychological development of racist tendencies. Her talking about all this went on for, eh, 5+ min while I was trying to go on with foreplay ... since she got me started in the first place! I eventually started engaging her in conversation and after about a minute she was totally turned off and a bit mad that we weren't going anywhere with our "evening activities". She abruptly got up and took a shower locking the door after her (otherwise I would have either joined her to try and reclaim the mood or at least shave or something, haha).

So something like this happens about twice a year and has been happening for the 7ish years we've been together. It's not like it's a big deal since it happens so infrequently and everything else is wonderful. I recently talked to a friend of mien about it and he said that he encounters the same thing: Roughly once or twice a year since he's been married (12ish years), while he's randomly performing oral on his wife, she'll start talking to him when she normally doesn't and then either she'll get mad because he isn't responding, or if he does pause to respond, she'll no longer be in the mood and act terribly annoyed about it.

Both of us have great relationships with our spouses and communicate very well, I'm sure it could be a little better (when couldn't it) but either way, everything else being equal, it's like we're still on our honeymoon, and so is my buddy and his wife.

A random point I forgot to include about them is that he's actually brought this up to her and she denies it ever has happened before ... and he's brought it up the last few times it's happened, granted it's about a year between happenings for them, but still, rather odd of her to not even give it any thought.

Anyway, once or twice a year, it never fails, they initiate, get us all worked up, start talking about stuff that clearly is a mood killer for us and then get mad at us for not being able to keep up the mood.

I'm actually a bit indifferent to this since it happens so infrequently ... it doesn't really bother me enough to even bring it up to my wife as an issue we need to resolve, it's just something I was curious if anybody else who is in an otherwise perfect relationship has experienced the same thing as us.


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## studley (Oct 19, 2011)

If it were me, the next time this happens I would gently mention that talking about such things while trying to be intimate really kills the mood.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Women just think about all kinds of stuff all the time. Our minds, or mine at least, very rarely is only concentrating on one thing to the exclusion of anything else popping in.

But if it were me...next time she brought up some random paper she happened to think of...I'd steer her back in the right direction with a spirited "analysis" of the Kinsey Report instead! :smthumbup:


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

LOL! I always find it so funny and strange when my wife does that. It happens when I initiate (she never really did), we can have a very passionate kissing, hugging etc. then out of the blue she is starting to talk about the strangest things in the world! Such un-sexy things!

I think it shows you that she is very secure to talk to you about some deepest fears, or things that bothered her greatly during the day, and when she is loosening up those topics just come out of her.

I never engage in conversation just say some "ahh" and "oohh" to let her feel that I am listening. Then getting straight back to work  it seems that she is happier and feels that she got something off her back.

Women can be so strange sometimes (I mean always...)


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Seems very odd. But, if it happens so infrequently, I would chalk it upto her having a mini-stroke or something. Not worth bothering about.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Arnold said:


> Seems very odd. But, if it happens so infrequently, I would chalk it upto her having a mini-stroke or something. Not worth bothering about.


I'm guessing a mini-stroke in the middle of sex would be a little more interesting than a discussion of Hitler's invasion of Austria! LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Biologically, Men are focused on the task at hand (think killing wild animals). Women are focused on anything and everything all at once (think protecting babies).

When your wife does this just become sexually dominant and tell her to quiet down.


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## Trumpet (Nov 2, 2011)

Hicks said:


> Biologically, Men are focused on the task at hand (think killing wild animals). Women are focused on anything and everything all at once (think protecting babies).
> 
> When your wife does this just become sexually dominant and tell her to quiet down.


I do think that I'll go with that strategy the next time, I usually try to be respectful and listen, but next time I may just start making out before she gets anywhere with her thought and then ask her about it after we're done.

It's not that unusual for us to talk A LITTLE during foreplay but we talk a lot at dinner and also before bed or during post-sex cuddle, so MOST of the time we're more or less down to business ... during business, haha.

The only thing that confounds me about this is that, yeah I can understand it happening if I'm initiating, because she may not always be quite in the right mindset yet, which is why foreplay is a good transition, but the only time this ever happens is when she's obviously in the mood, gotten ready, and is even a good 10+ minutes into foreplay, so that's what strikes me as odd, that she'd go on such a tangent, that, to me at least can clearly wait for another 30-60 minutes.

It's probably just the differences between the thought processes of men and women, because there's very little that can ever distract me once I get going down that path.

Well thanks for anybody who said that it has kinda happened to them too, it makes me feel a little better, heck even knowing my friend's wife did that made me feel a little better that my Debra might just be doing a strange, once in a blue moon, woman thing ... plus we got over that little hiccup by the following evening anyway, which is what usually happens.


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