# Simple question - How many Waywards asked to come back.



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

*Preface:* I am *NOT* pining for my Ex back. My Ex is gone and I have moved on. There is nothing she could ever do that would convince me to take her back. But with that being said everyone keeps telling me she will be back, based on the circumstances behind our divorce. 

That being said, here we go.

It got me wondering how many Ex Spouses wanted back in and when. 

If you want to tell your story by all means do so. But I would like to see a simple Yes and how long afterwards. I'm just curious honestly.

I think we have enough BS and WW here to get some decent info.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> *Preface:* I am *NOT* pining for my Ex back. My Ex is gone and I have moved on. There is nothing she could ever do that would convince me to take her back. But with that being said everyone keeps telling me she will be back, based on the circumstances behind our divorce.
> 
> That being said, here we go.
> 
> ...


Normally unless a WS had the fear of god put into them, they will be a poor friend or relationship partner. It's due to the empowerment they gained in cheating on the BS, they never let that completely go, and the BS is going to have diminished feelings of esteem. Plus many WS never completely stop.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

After 17 mos of separation my WH wanted to come home. During that 17 mos there was daily contact though, we never severed ties or filed for D.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Mine did, about 3 months the first time and around 4 months or so the second.

Sometimes they want to come back but pride and/or seeing the damage they've done tells them its best to move on for the BS'es sake. 

Sometimes they don't because they blame the BS for everything because they can't deal with personal responsibility. Those are the type of WS'es that you want to get away from.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

My wife wanted to come back when she hit rock bottom. I took the children from an unsuitable living environment, and she was fired from a very good job. Even escorted out of the building under guard. Six years later, and a strong pattern of her doing it all over again. She is out of the house, has her own place. Divorce is proceeding as planned. This time to its inevitable conclusion. My sons and I are just fine. My advise for anybody thinking of taking back a WAS, is to think very very carefully. Cleaning up the financial mess is even more expensive the second time around. It would have been cheaper to get a post nuptial the last time.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Does false R count? Aboyt 3 months after the separation mine wanted to reconcile. NO WAY!


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Normally unless a WS had the fear of god put into them, they will be a poor friend or relationship partner. It's due to the empowerment they gained in cheating on the BS, they never let that completely go, and the BS is going to have diminished feelings of esteem. Plus many WS never completely stop.


That 'fear of god' thing is key.. when the family finds out, and the A is no longer hiding in the shadows, all of the sudden that empowerment turns into shame and self loathing. The BS can keep the esteem up, by not turning into a doormat once they find out the truth. They can take control, and use that to help keep self esteem up.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It has been 5 years. The answer is "no". He has too much fun with no responsibilities and endless women/partying.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Husband had an affair. He left me wanted a divorse he had met his "soul mate"... helped him pack his bags and told him the door was open for a set period of time he could come back home no questions asked....after that I was moving on and getting a divorse. Hardest thing I ever did.... my 16yr old son stood by my side. My WS asked to come home one week later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

My Dear Hubby's ex may not have thought "Oh I actually cared about him---I want HIM back" but I do believe she realized she had it pretty good and wanted it "back the way it was." Of course, by then he realized that she had been pretty self-centered and entitled and would never go back to the way it was. I believe she realized she had left something good after a couple years. 

It was pretty similar for me actually. My ex is too proud to ever admit he made a mistake or that he had to change at all, but about 2 years from the date he left to live with his Wistress, he did say he'd behaved poorly. I suspect both of our ex's just realized they had it pretty good and through it away, but it never dawned on them that part of the solution was actually THEM needing to change! 

For me, when I cheated there was the moment where I just could NOT do it anymore. I not only asked to come back, I would have done anything he said to come back--well I change that. If he had been abusive or disrespectful no, but as long as it was moral, legal and building our marriage, I would have done pretty much anything. I was an idiot and I admit it freely, out loud, right here!


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Oh... statistically, I'd say most affairs end with the cheater having some regret such as "Oh darn, I traded down" or "Well that messy." But the vast majority are too proud to admit they were wrong, and if they do admit it, they are too proud to look at themselves and do the work to change. 

I'd just estimate that over the 14 years I've been doing this, more than 90% go back and forth trying to keep the affair and the marriage somehow, and the Loyal Spouse just wants them back so they move out--move back--rediscover the affair never ended--kick them out...it's a mess. I'd guess less than 5% realize what they are doing, stop, and do what's necessary to come back and rebuild a stronger marriage.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

My EX cheated with my neighbor on the left of me... By the time our divorce was being finalized she is now with the neighbor on the left of me. He was actually my witness in the divorce...

In the mediation, I bought her out of the house. I planned to live here until kids finished some school. With her not actually ever leaving, I have to move... Friday I am out!

She blamed me for everything. Told my gf I drove her to drink. I never would get help... I don't drink and gf and I go to counseling together... There is a lot of delusional nonsense in some of these people. I traded up. She traded down.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

I doubt mine will ask to come back. He is involved with an old HS GF and she has been in love with him since HS. She will mold herself into whatever he wants just so she can keep him. I might would let him come back if it was shortly after he moves out, not 100% sure I would tho. 

I do not want a divorce, but will not share him either, so it is just a matter of time before he actually leaves. He has been in the guest room since I found out.


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