# Same old foreplay.....



## cindylou (Jan 27, 2013)

Or is it not even considered foreplay if it's the same dang thing every time. We've been married 20 yrs. Hubby will get in to bed..and roll on his side towards me... put his hand on my leg. Apparently that is suppose to just make me hot and horney. He then procedes to just go for the boobs..and grope..then down below.. No kissing..not talking...nothing..
Same EVERY single time. I've told him this Over and over, that it doesn't turn me on. He still does it. what do I do??


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I would start turning him down if he keeps ignoring your feelings. I've been married 16 years & my wife does the same old thing too, hates foreplay, just get in & get out. It became so much of a turn off to me I avoid sex with her. It didn't feel intimate, just obligatory & I don't desire that.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

He can't read your mind. Rather than tell him what he shouldn't do, tell him exactly what you do want him to do.


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## cindylou (Jan 27, 2013)

He doesn't HAVE to read my mind..I've TOLD him...??!
Honestly, I could care less about sex..esp boring same old sex..so if HE wants it..he's gonna have to change.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You said you told him what you didn't want. That's different than telling him what really turns you on. 

And then the truth comes out. You don't like sex anyway. So why should he bother anyway?


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## cindylou (Jan 27, 2013)

You guys are reading WAY too much in to what I'm writing. I like sex..otherwise I woud obviously NOT be posting on a sex advice forum. duh. The SEX part is not the problem. Its the foreplay, getting in to it. If a woman isn't given a bit to get into sex, and she has been with the same man for 20+ yrs, Yea..then at that point you DO feel. Is it worth it? I want to feel like I want to have sex again...and it not be the old same old crap. He very well knows what I like...trust me. He knows.
That is not the problem.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Omg I so don't miss this. Yea. I would try things and he just wanted to honk my boobs and then stick it in. I wouldn't even be wet. I thought it was a hormonal issue from my female issues. Nope. Just him. (Towards the end...)


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## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

LOL I love this thread: "honk my boobs and stick it in" I am still laughing...but seriously, this IS serious! Married 33 years and 13 years ago, there I was, exactly, so what did I do? Started to withdraw sexually, then so did he, and then more until we suffered a sexless marriage, among other dysfunctions, and he had affair...sometimes its like knocking your head against a wall, isn't it? Trying to explain to a spouse just exactly your needs(turn-ons) are? Please accept my apology if you have tried this already but swallow your pride and feelings of entitlement (and you ARE entitled...) ONE MORE TIME and instead of trying to get your desires gratified first, (not that you don't deserve it) begin a conversation: What can I do that would please YOU more sexually? How does this(something new) feel? Do you like it when I touch you here? Of course, he may just resort to the old WBTYM sex again or whatever, but at least you will have engaged him, put the ball in his court and he almost has to respond...when he does, than you can say or better yet, guide his hands where you want in response...and hopefully off you ride...How did I realize this? Trying to prove to myself and him that I could live up to the FANTASY of affair sex in the marital bed. Pathetic, yes, but lots of us out there! But of course, first things first, you had better know what you want and how you want it before he re-engages, OK? Also, try not to couch your requests negatively, eg. "I dont like it when..." or "You always do the same old thing...", etc. Some men hear this as criticism and they are very sensitive about it... but more like, "I really like it when you caress my ____, but I REALLY like: ______ and then guide his hands there and if and when ever he does do what you like, give lots of appreciative feedback, verbally or physically. Go online, google "new sex techniques" or "how to get partner to try new sex moves", read silly Cosmo magazine, whatever, but there are lots of tips out there if you just look for them, really. Would he be willing to read a short, repeat short, article on the differences between men and women's sexual arousal needs? He just may not understand how its different for you.... BTW, 20 months after DDay and we are recreating our marriage, rebuilding the bonds that were destroyed by neglect, resentment and affair. The sex is better than it ever was because we are both trying to please each other first, ourselves second. Still lots of hurt and triggers for me but gets better everyday and the sex is a big part of it...Good Luck from someone who has been there...


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## cindylou (Jan 27, 2013)

Thank you allwillbe. I have gone down that route before. Told him what I like. But I AM guilty of saying..I don't like that..don't do that,etc. I need to try doing more of the other stuff. 
Sometimes I feel like I have to do all the work though. Or otherwise we would be in a sexless marriage like you described.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

cindylou said:


> Or is it not even considered foreplay if it's the same dang thing every time. We've been married 20 yrs. Hubby will get in to bed..and roll on his side towards me... put his hand on my leg. Apparently that is suppose to just make me hot and horney. He then procedes to just go for the boobs..and grope..then down below.. No kissing..not talking...nothing..
> Same EVERY single time. I've told him this Over and over, that it doesn't turn me on. He still does it. what do I do??


Stop responding.

You tell him you don't like it but then you respond, so his horny, horny brain takes that to mean it's OK. 

Turn him down and he'll learn to step up fast.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You said you told him what you didn't want. That's different than telling him what really turns you on.
> 
> And then the truth comes out. You don't like sex anyway. So why should he bother anyway?


You're jumping to unfair conclusions. Give the OP a break, she's having sex with someone who has no idea how to turn her on.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Unfair conclusions? I posted that 12 minutes after she said she could care less about sex. Lol


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## yellowledbet (Sep 5, 2012)

cindylou said:


> He doesn't HAVE to read my mind..I've TOLD him...??!
> Honestly, I could care less about sex..esp boring same old sex..so if HE wants it..he's gonna have to change.


Grab his hand or head or penis and show him what you like.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

allwillbewell said:


> .. BTW, 20 months after DDay and we are recreating our marriage, rebuilding the bonds that were destroyed by neglect, resentment and affair. *The sex is better than it ever was because we are both trying to please each other first, ourselves second*. Still lots of hurt and triggers for me but gets better everyday and the sex is a big part of it...Good Luck from someone who has been there...


Wow! :smthumbup: Mazel tov! Salamat! congratulations!

I wish all couples could have your maturity and understanding!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sheez, he either has NO imagination, or that he's bored as well/lazy to do as required. Was he always like this?

Did he do sex education in high school? If not he might want to look up something that deals with how a woman's body actually works.


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

pretty much sounds like he's related to my hubby from some years back..
you have to tell them, over and over again what you want . some men are a bit slow and lazy too..... my hubby eventually got the hint and we had a great sex life......... but then he had EA ?
.....
anyway we're working on it and slowly re discovering ourselves..... i look forward to great sex again.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

goodwife4 said:


> pretty much sounds like he's related to my hubby from some years back..
> you have to tell them, over and over again what you want . some men are a bit slow and lazy too..... my hubby eventually got the hint and we had a great sex life......... but then he had EA ?
> .....
> anyway we're working on it and slowly re discovering ourselves..... i look forward to great sex again.


I wish you good luck! I must applaud for your great heart, to be able to forgive him and make serious efforts to save your marriage. From the bottom of my hard, I salute you.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

cindylou said:


> Or is it not even considered foreplay if it's the same dang thing every time. We've been married 20 yrs. Hubby will get in to bed..and roll on his side towards me... put his hand on my leg. Apparently that is suppose to just make me hot and horney. He then procedes to just go for the boobs..and grope..then down below.. No kissing..not talking...nothing..
> Same EVERY single time. I've told him this Over and over, that it doesn't turn me on. He still does it.


Oh oh... I think I need to step up my game. 

Seriously though I think it's a good idea to work on telling him what you do want. Unless he's a complete moron he has to know the happier you are about sex the happier he's going to be.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Agree... sitting around waiting for something to happen isnt going to change anything.

For guys too. Here is a funny pic someone described as foreplay from his girlfriend. Hilarious.










But seriously. Just make something happen. You may be wishing you are going to get ravished, but the next best step is to take a little action. Make it good and perhaps he will change his ways when he finds out how good it can be. Dont get lazy - get busy. I really believe it takes 2 people to make bad sex. You both need to up the ante... the question is.. are you willing to try?

Everyone can fall into a rut - sometimes you just need to work a little.. just a little... to shake it up. Roll him on his back, crawl up his chest and sit on his face... see how he likes that. (just for example). Do a little a$$ grabbing yourself.

Its not always easy to take over and take charge.. but its important to keep things going. If you dont.. suddenly you will look up and you havent had satisfying sex for months... and nobody wants that.


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