# How do I do a 180??



## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

My husband and I talked again today. He says he's not sure if he wants to be married at all, not just not married to me. He says he needs time and he's sure it's just a phase. It's been 4 months since he moved out at my request. Now he's gone, he's doing what he wants and seems to be loving it. Meanwhile, I've gone to IC, read a thousand books it seems, reflected inward at all the mistakes I've made, etc. I don't want to end our marriage. 4 months has been hell. For me anyway, somehow he can go on and "not think about it." Hmmm...not sure how that works but ok. I really need a 180. I need support so that I WON'T CALL, TEXT or EMAIL him.... I can usually go 3 days before I break down!! HELP!!! I need to be unselfish and give him time. I was having divorce papers drawn up but I put those on hold after he said his "needing time" was not him giving up. This is really hard...the whole limbo thing...


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

everytime i fell the urge to call, email or text H i do a couple of things to prevent myself from breaking my nc..
1: I come here and read peoples threads 
2: I text or call a friend or family member & just chat about anything
3: I started writing down what I am feeling in a word document
4: I put on my favorite movie or music

I still have moments of weakness but I am getting better at it. Doesn't mean i don't miss him or think about him because I do..but I need to focus on me right now so no matter what the outcome is with me and H I will be in a better place for myself..with or without him..


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

send all your texts and emails to us here, I had a great talk with a friend this week and she is really helping me. I just sent her a text asking if I should answer one my H just sent. She helped me see that I shouldn't do it. He was a total jerk on Friday night, complaining that I did something (which took about 10 minutes) instead of taking care of helping my son find an apartment for school (which starts in September by the way). I did make the calls, need my son to tell me how many guys are gonna live with him before I can go see the apts. Besides I am 50 years old and know how to take care of what needs to be taken care of. I don't need my H to tell me what to do. Now, i know I am going to do 180 and pretend he is not in the world unless I have no choice


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

When I feel weak I think about what he will text back. I always know _exactly_ what he'll say so I answer the text for myself. I have learned this over the years-that's what helps me.


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## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

This is how pathetic I am...I know that if I call, he won't answer, if I text, no reply, if I email him, no reply. The only way he'll talk to me is for me to go to his house. (which is around the corner from mine). He'll talk then but he only says that he needs time, he has no answers for me, he is sorry, he loves me, he is not giving up yet, etc. etc. WHY DO I TRY??? I am sure it only makes things worse. The sane side of me says "make him miss you" the insane side says "go blab your head off and confess your undying love"...the insane side does not work on him...at all!!! I need to make him miss me.... But I'm afraid he'll just let me go


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## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

The best way to make him miss you is to move on with your life and show him you're awesome even without him and that you don't need him to be whole. That's the basic idea of the 180. It's hard, but it gets easier (although I'm having a setback at the moment). Good luck - I hope he realizes what he wants soon so you can make some progress for both of you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he doesn't call, respond, or text back when you do--your 180 would be to STOP reaching out to him. 

I will tell you that the longer liimbo lasts, generally, the worst chances for reconciliation.

Cause you're basically telling him you're cool w/ this stagnant dynamic and you will be there fo rhim no matter what.

Time to switch up the game. Write him a letting stated you are committed to the marraige but realize it takes two to do that and if he's not willing to put in 100%, you are letting him go.

How he responds will tell you everything you need to know.

If he doesn't bite, move on with your life. 

Don't let 4 months turn into a year or two or more of waiting for him to decide for you.


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## wemogirl (May 31, 2011)

onceagain said:


> This is how pathetic I am...I know that if I call, he won't answer, if I text, no reply, if I email him, no reply. The only way he'll talk to me is for me to go to his house. (which is around the corner from mine). He'll talk then but he only says that he needs time, he has no answers for me, he is sorry, he loves me, he is not giving up yet, etc. etc. WHY DO I TRY??? I am sure it only makes things worse. The sane side of me says "make him miss you" the insane side says "go blab your head off and confess your undying love"*...the insane side does not work on him...at all!!! *I need to make him miss me.... But I'm afraid he'll just let me go


Remember this whenever you feel the urge to contact him. You *know* it won't work so try to let logic be your guide next time. Easier said than done, I know. I'm too emotional for my own good sometimes. 

((Hugs))


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