# over 25 years and ready to leave



## ssf82 (Mar 16, 2008)

I have been married for over 25 years to my high school sweetheart and am ready to leave. My youngest child is a senior in high school and I realize that we have nothing in common. He comes home from work, watches tv and basically ignores me. When I try to have a conversation with him, he has nothing to say. He is not a bad person, but I want to have fun and laugh and do things. He does not like to socialize and I have stopped inviting friends over as he makes it very uncomfortable because he does not interact with them either. He even acts like this with his children.
I am terrified to start over and face being on my own, any advice????


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

A few suggestions.

1) Can he be suffering from depression or a mid life crisis? If he might then talk to him and suggest he talk to the family doctor.

2) Instead of letting yourself die inside communicate with him about what is bothering you. If he doesn't know then he can't fix it. Tell him he wooed you by dating and you want one date a week and someone that will show interest in you not compaciency.

draconis


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## bluebird (Mar 17, 2008)

Wow, I feel like I could be writing the exact same post in about 14 yrs. My youngest is 3 right now.

You said you realize now that you have nothing in common with your spouse?How long have you felt that way? I feel the exact same way. My spouse is a good person,a good provider.BUT...we never spend any time together, he has other interests. I cant imagine what it would be like when all the kids are gone, to still be married. Its very lonely being in a marriage when you have nothing in common with your spouse.

I hope you find a solution. Sorry I have no advice, just wanted you to know I can understand where u are coming from.


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## Immortalone (Mar 5, 2008)

One thing I keep saying over and over. Go on a Date. Just because your married does not mean you can't date. Think about it. When did you have the most fun in your relationship? When you were dating of course. I don't mean dinner at McDonlds either. Think back to what you use to do when you were dating. Did you go roller skating? Walking in the park? making out at the lake? What ever it was find it again. Sounds like your in a rut and your life has become boring. Make the effort to bring the fun back into it. Tell him you want the fun back in it. I think any relationship can with stand time if your willing to put the effort into it. Also make sure the Date is just the two of you. No kids tagging along.


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## Anna (Jun 17, 2008)

Relocate and find a job to take care of yourself. But before you do, be sure to get a lawyer who is able to write out a separation agreement. He could file abandonment charges against you if you don't do this.

He is most likely terribly depressed and thinks he can oust you from the home by being distant and hoping you will go or least likely, having an affair.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

It sounds like you still think well of him but are dismayed about your social needs. Is it possible for you to get involved socially outside of your marriage? Just like other needs, people have different social needs. I know my husband has MUCH lower social needs than I, so we have a compromise of how often I'm away from home and at home with him.

I also agree that occasional dates or activities would be helpful. Perhaps after you've been going out on your own for a while, he'll get to feeling lonely without you and jump on the occasional date idea when you bring it up.

Good luck!


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## Ray30 (Nov 12, 2011)

I am heading for the 25 year milestone in a few months. 
I feel like I live with a brother, there is no romance at all. he has become his father. Our kids are all grown up, we are young we should be having fun, he is always sick, feeling sick. I am living with an old man and cannot face the next 25 years with him.....


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## 17years (Nov 12, 2011)

I understand where you are coming from. Have not been married as long, but see my husband and I headed for divorce if not now certainly when kids are older. We too have nothing much in common and have tried to express this to him many times. He is not a bad person but feel like i deserve better. I wish you the best of luck, don't have any words of wisdom, but I can just relate to what you are saying. I get tired of being the only one who cares


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

draconis said:


> A few suggestions.
> 
> 1) Can he be suffering from depression or a mid life crisis? If he might then talk to him and suggest he talk to the family doctor.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

OP hasn't posted on this thread in 3yrs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aly (Nov 16, 2011)

Ray30, I feel exactly like you do. I have been married for 22 years, have two teenage boys and adopted our neice who is now 5. I went to an attorney to try for a dissolution so it will not cost us so much. 
I feel like I am a single parent, very lonely and also feel like I am living with my brother. We have no fun together and he is always sick. I am having a hard time with this because it is hurting my husband so much and he don't want this, he insists I have a boyfriend otherwise he dont' think I would be doing this. I do not have a boy friend but can not wait until I can go out with someone I can actually have a relationship with. I have talked to my boys about this and sure it will hurt them but I think in the long run it will be better for all of us. I am just not happy anymore, nor really think I ever was in the marriage. Good luck to you, keep us posted.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Roooth said:


> It sounds like you still think well of him but are dismayed about your social needs. Is it possible for you to get involved socially outside of your marriage? Just like other needs, people have different social needs. I know my husband has MUCH lower social needs than I, so we have a compromise of how often I'm away from home and at home with him.
> 
> I also agree that occasional dates or activities would be helpful. Perhaps after you've been going out on your own for a while, he'll get to feeling lonely without you and jump on the occasional date idea when you bring it up.
> 
> Good luck!


:iagree: If there's no real issues with your H and you still love him, then build a life of your own without him. That doesn't mean date other men but go out and get some hobbies, make friends and do fun stuff without him. Maybe he'll look around and say "Wow, I miss my wife" and make more of an effort to do things with you. Could be he's taking you for granted. 

Plus, now that the kids aren't a factor, try and get out and do things you both share. Maybe it's dinner, a movie, a walk? Anything? :scratchhead:

If you are truly out of love with this man and want to leave then you might as well leave and start over on your own because life is finite and time will only grow shorter. But don't think that you'll find that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence because chances are all you'll find is crabgrass.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> OP hasn't posted on this thread in 3yrs.


:slap: Damn! Why do people bring up ancient threads? I guess others can benefit from this being here as it seems to be a fairly common situation. 

So NOW it's been 28 years! I wonder what she wound up doing?


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