# Which way is up?



## zack1134 (Jan 10, 2012)

Hello to all I am new here I work on the road in order to pay my bills and support my family. We have a daughter with downs who is my absolute world. The problem I face is my wife and I have fought and argued for several years more than normal. Within this time 
it was brought to my attention she has seen two other guys that are also married I spoke to one without her knowing. The other was by pure accident we both have iPhones and I had to restore my phone but accidently used her backup and found some things which tore my heart out. I have confronted her about it and asked her who he is but she dosen't want me to talk to them. I did see where they had decided to cut out their seeing each other in the messages. She swears she dosen't want to seperate and work out our problems but I think there is to much to fix. Also I think due to arguing we need to separate for our daughters best interest. This forum is the only place I have looked for help and any help will be extremely appreciated and needed.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

How do you know if it's too much to fix? Have you two seen a marriage counselor? I've read much worse in this forum and others on this board, and yet the marriage survived.

What do you want? You can't just "The way it was" because that's gone. So is the 100% trust. I know, I had an affair as well. All of us cheaters live with that over our head every day. 

I will tell you this, since she decided to stop it, that's a good sign for you. Now it's your turn to decide. She already has, and told you so.


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

Go to the Coping With Infidelity forum. It's filled with people who can give you a lot of good advice on your situation.
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## calitanagal (Jan 10, 2012)

You really should first decide if you are ever going to be able to let go and trust her again. REALLY trust her. HerToo is right, you can't get back the 100% trust and things will never be like they used to. But a new norm isn't a bad thing as the old one wasn't working so well or she wouldn't have cheated (perhaps). Good luck. I have been in your shoes and come out the other side with relationship still intact. You can move beyond this.


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## zack1134 (Jan 10, 2012)

There is alot I didn't put in but if I go to counceling I would have to change jobs. We have a house in an aera where our daughter gets the best education for her and is also accepted by her typical peers. I work Sunday night till Friday eve. When I get home I usally clean up around the house which is very behind, she goes into the bedroom (not because I fuss but she's depressed) and stays on FB while I tend to our daughter and house. Then we get ready for bed I will rub her back and she falls asleep but will have no interest in sex with me. If our sex life was even remotely better I could accept the affair easier but she is always short with me and dosen't seem interested at all. She dose not work but has the option if she wants. I hate to work on the road but can't pay my bills any other way. I can't be emotionally rite for my family any more unless this gets fixed. Also she will not go to get help for her depression. I know that me traveling has an impact and would gladly change jobs sell our house move into an appartment. This has made me feel like I'm not good enough for her because I can't fix everything and I wan't her to be happy but with me and her life. I have tried to talk to her about it but she just gets loud and I retract.


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## calitanagal (Jan 10, 2012)

It sounds like your wife is overwhelmed. Since your job requires you to be on the road, she is home with your daughter 24/7 (aside from school time) for days on end. Though I am sure she loves your daughter as much as you do, she probably feels isolated by her special needs. Does she have friends she gets together with outside of Facebook? Can you afford to get someone to care for your daughter when you come home so that you can go out together? It does sound like she is depressed.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You can get therapy over the Internet via Skype. 

Also, do you know who she chats with on Facebook? That's where my affair started. My account is gone.

As for her depression, change her diet. Google diet and depression. Also, have her exercise more if you can. The two changes combined are better than therapy most of the time. The exercise will increase her sex drive as well.

You never did answer what you wanted.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It sounds like sheiks still seeing other men. Guess who she is talking with on FB.

Find the OM and find their gf or wife and talk to the gf/wife.

Do not waste any time talking to the scumbags that have relationships with married women. It won't stop them. Instead you need to share the news with their significant others. This will cause them to throw your cheating wife under the bus.

Also get a key logger on her pc and find out who she is still talking to on FB. Find their SO and blow it up on them.



Y
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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