# Husband "Calling" Escorts



## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

I caught my husband calling an escort. He admitted to calling, but states he did not do anything. I went through the phone bill that next day, however, it was too early to see the calls made on that day. I did go all the way back to October and I called about 40-50 numbers, and none were escorts or women. After that, he changed the verizon account password and stated that he can't have me calling and hanging up on his clients, because it will ruin his business. I have been locked out of the account since then. I searched his car, and I didnt find anything. 

Does anyone know any alternate way to get in? 

He said that the reason he called the escort is because he was curious and because our sex life isnt good. It isnt good, but that still does not give him the right to do that.

We are in counseling trying to work it out, but Im not sure if I want to work it out. I am devastated and wonder what else he is keeping from me. 

Thanks for any help or suggestions.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I agree that calling his clients and hanging up on them isn't a good idea, but neither is it a good idea for him to have called an escort - no matter how bad your sex life or his curiosity about them.

As you're in counseling already, I think this is something that needs to be addressed asap. For all you know he's done more than phone an escort, in which case you need to be talking about STD testing.


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

If you share the same account you can create your own account using your cell number with your own password. if not you can try using a four number combo. I got lucky once and it was 2468 in ours. I found phone calls to a local strip club every Mon. and massage parlors every Sun. and hundreds of texts to 3 different girls going on for two years. Go to Spokeo and buy a membership, you can search the numbers to get a name instead of calling and hanging up. If the number has no info then call, the blocked ones are usually bad news. Good luck, I hope you find what you need to know. I got tested for STDs and never let him touch me again!


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

LAND OF CONFUSION said:


> We are in counseling trying to work it out, but Im not sure if I want to work it out. I am devastated and wonder what else he is keeping from me.
> 
> Thanks for any help or suggestions.


Until such time as you decide whether to work it out or leave him, while you're in limbo, learn from your mistakes. 

Don't jump and confront him with the first piece of scant evidence you find because he can and will easily dismiss it as nothing more than something minimal.

Give him breathing room, don't act suspicious, but keep tabs on him using the many available methods offered on this site, from keyloggers to VARs, etc.. accumulate any evidence you may find, never letting on what you know until and unless you've got the smoking gun.

Eventually you'll either accept it was a one time aberration and forgive hm, or you'll discover that he's a cheater and you'll leave him knowing you made the right decision.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I don't know if Verizon is like AT&T but I opened my own online account with AT&T, then I used my husband's social security number to link his account with my account. Now I can view all calls and text for all four of our phones. I wanted to be able to view my teenager's call and text times. I don't think it even notified him or anything because he didn't say anything to me. He knows because I told him.

Hope this helps. Sorry you are going through this.


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Soccermom, was your husband also with AT&T in order to link it? I am AT&T and he is verizon. Just curious. You're a smart cookie!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

tonygreen said:


> I would not blame him. You have to remember that if you are not willing to please your husband there are plenty of women that will. As a Christian the bible states that neither party has complete control over their body. If you are doing what you are suppose to do he would not cheat.


:lol:

Yes people only cheat when their spouse withholds sex.:scratchhead:

Is it Ok for her to cheat, because the sex life isn't good for her?

OP: Why is your sex life bad?

How is the rest of your relationship?

It wasn't good for you to call his clients, but you did that because of his behaviour. If he wants you to trust him, he has to be trustworthy.

he's done the wrong thing and now needs to be an open book.


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Should be easy to change the password on him. Do you have the email address he uses and the password? If so, try to login and use the forgot password setting and request a new one using the email address on record. Also, are you on the plan? Previous poster was correct that you can request your own login using your number.

There is also spyware for the phone you can install to log calls, txts, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Bee, all 4 of our cellphones are under his name with AT&T, I just have my own online username, (just like you would sign up at any website, like even this site), so I can access the records and bill. Like I said all I needed was his social to link his account to my username. 

I don't know if Verizon has the same type of thing. Doesn't hurt to try.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> Originally Posted by tonygreen View Post
> I would not blame him. You have to remember that if you are not willing to please your husband there are plenty of women that will. As a Christian the bible states that neither party has complete control over their body. If you are doing what you are suppose to do he would not cheat.


As a Christian, you're telling us that there's actually a get out clause for the 7th commandment? 

One party only cheats when the other party is not doing what they're supposed to be doing, so it isn't the cheating party's fault at all... :rofl:


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> Bee, all 4 of our cellphones are under his name with AT&T, I just have my own online username, (just like you would sign up at any website, like even this site), so I can access the records and bill. Like I said all I needed was his social to link his account to my username.
> 
> I don't know if Verizon has the same type of thing. Doesn't hurt to try.


Hi-
Thanks for the advice! His name is on the account, but my phone number is under his name. I added myself onto the account online and I told him I did so, but now he deactivated my access. Maybe I should try going into the store to pay the bill and try to add myself?


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

OMG! This is not a post about Christianity. Thanks but no thanks for your advice. I understand that there may have been problems, but that never gives a spouse the right to cheat. I'm pretty sure it says somewhere in the bible, "Thou shall not cheat".


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> As a Christian, you're telling us that there's actually a get out clause for the 7th commandment?
> 
> One party only cheats when the other party is not doing what they're supposed to be doing, so it isn't the cheating party's fault at all... :rofl:





*LittleDeer* said:


> :lol:
> 
> Yes people only cheat when their spouse withholds sex.:scratchhead:
> 
> ...


Yes, we have had some problems in our relationship. Marriage strain after having our son, I am the breadwinner, I am back in school to obtain a degree to make more money for our family, he started a business and is not making money, dont feel connected.


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> Should be easy to change the password on him. Do you have the email address he uses and the password? If so, try to login and use the forgot password setting and request a new one using the email address on record. Also, are you on the plan? Previous poster was correct that you can request your own login using your number.
> 
> There is also spyware for the phone you can install to log calls, txts, etc.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I looked into the spyware, but it is illegal and you need to have access to open the phone and install it. His phone is locked. Has anyone else used the voice activated recording system in the car? Is that illegal as well? I don't want anything to threaten custody of my son. I figure that I will find out eventually anyway. But I hate having to sit here and wonder.


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

I would need to take my phone number off of his account and then link it back.. His name is on the account with my ph number.


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

Calling All Angels said:


> If you share the same account you can create your own account using your cell number with your own password. if not you can try using a four number combo. I got lucky once and it was 2468 in ours. I found phone calls to a local strip club every Mon. and massage parlors every Sun. and hundreds of texts to 3 different girls going on for two years. Go to Spokeo and buy a membership, you can search the numbers to get a name instead of calling and hanging up. If the number has no info then call, the blocked ones are usually bad news. Good luck, I hope you find what you need to know. I got tested for STDs and never let him touch me again!


Thanks, I like this advice. I tried setting up my own account online and then he deactivated the whole online account. Obviously he has something to hide. I can try to call again today and see. How do you see the text history? It didnt show up on my Verizon bill.... It only showed the total number of texts made.


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

sharkeey said:


> Until such time as you decide whether to work it out or leave him, while you're in limbo, learn from your mistakes.
> 
> Don't jump and confront him with the first piece of scant evidence you find because he can and will easily dismiss it as nothing more than something minimal.
> 
> ...


Thank you! I already made the mistake of blowing up. I should have never said anything. Lesson learned. I would have easier access to everything right now if I hadnt said anything.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Well, you can play 'secret squirrel' or you can say to him 'you are calling escorts and you wonder why I'm spying? Open up the account or don't bother setting up another MC appointment. I'll set my own appointment but it won't be with a counselor.'


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

JCD said:


> Well, you can play 'secret squirrel' or you can say to him 'you are calling escorts and you wonder why I'm spying? Open up the account or don't bother setting up another MC appointment. I'll set my own appointment but it won't be with a counselor.'


What is secret squirrel? Yes, I have said open the account, but he will not do it.


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## LAND OF CONFUSION (Jan 7, 2013)

JCD said:


> Well, you can play 'secret squirrel' or you can say to him 'you are calling escorts and you wonder why I'm spying? Open up the account or don't bother setting up another MC appointment. I'll set my own appointment but it won't be with a counselor.'


LOL.. thanks. Yes, I have said open the account, but he will not do it.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

LAND OF CONFUSION said:


> LOL.. thanks. Yes, I have said open the account, but he will not do it.


If he's not willing to be completely open and honest, then you need to be prepared to leave or seek out a lawyer and and let him know you are seriously considering divorce.

He needs a huge wake up call.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Do not ignore this. Go stealth and gather intel on him. And stop having sex with him - God only knows what he could infect you with. Him refusing to let you see what he's up to spells cheating.


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

LAND OF CONFUSION said:


> Thanks, I like this advice. I tried setting up my own account online and then he deactivated the whole online account. Obviously he has something to hide. I can try to call again today and see. How do you see the text history? It didnt show up on my Verizon bill.... It only showed the total number of texts made.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

My H did the same thing because he WAS GUILTY. I went to an At&t store with a bill and my ID and told the girl I needed to see the phone records and she let me. Take paper and pen. The current month will not be in their computer system so wait a couple weeks. Look for the days of when u caught him and start writing down all of the numbers. U can see text history also. I'm sorry that this nightmare is happening to you. His actions are indicating he has done something and he will do everything to hide and lie his way out of it. Watch out they get very angry when they get caught with hard evidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

I also found out a few months ago that my husband was calling escorts and it has been over an extended period of time...at least two years. He says that nothing ever came of it that he never met up with any of them and he has not had sex with anyone else but me since we got together which was 14 years ago (10 years married). I find it hard to believe that these ladies would entertain him only calling or texting them or whatever without meeting up and over a two year period? Whats it all for then? He states that he looked at it much like porn.


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

Is there a free website that you can look up numbers on?


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## Goodwoman (Dec 11, 2009)

HMMMM NOW WHAT? said:


> I also found out a few months ago that my husband was calling escorts and it has been over an extended period of time...at least two years. He says that nothing ever came of it that he never met up with any of them and he has not had sex with anyone else but me since we got together which was 14 years ago (10 years married). I find it hard to believe that these ladies would entertain him only calling or texting them or whatever without meeting up and over a two year period? Whats it all for then? He states that he looked at it much like porn.


Hmmm...I got the same response the first time I found searches on my H's computer and when I have traced certain numbers...he said he was calling to see what they do, but never met up with any.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> I caught my husband calling an escort. He admitted to calling, but states he did not do anything.


Yes, he *did *do something. He called and spoke with a prostitute. Oops! Sorry! I mean escort.

No matter how he tries to spin this, it ain't good.


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

@Goodwoman - Yeah I researched a ton of numbers on the call log for the last two years and there were a ton. He said he only talked and text them...just to see how far he could get them to go without him actually meeting them. He was getting his kicks from this...but he also stated that he wasn't getting anything from it...I was like you had to be getting aroused by it doing whatever because of it and he said no he wasn't....seriously?


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

@MattMatt - Yes he certainly do something...and for over 2 years that I know of...He's really trying to tell me he's been trying to see how far he could go without actually meeting up and this went on with no activity for over 2 years...


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

Try Google-ing the numbers and see what comes up.

OP if you're the breadwinner, stop paying the bill, get your own account for your number.

Or why not discuss the need for transparency here? He pretty much lost his right to privacy. If there's nothing to hide, why hide?

People get hung up on all the time. He's not going to lose a customer for a one-time hang up.

Seems something sent you searching in the first place. If I were you, I'd follow my gut feeling.


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

Yes, I did the google search for numerous numbers and if they were escort services they would pop up and you know right away. There are a few local numbers I'm trying to search without having to pay a site like spokeo.com


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## wife2him (Jan 30, 2013)

LAND OF CONFUSION said:


> I caught my husband calling an escort. He admitted to calling, but states he did not do anything. I went through the phone bill that next day, however, it was too early to see the calls made on that day. I did go all the way back to October and I called about 40-50 numbers, and none were escorts or women. After that, he changed the verizon account password and stated that he can't have me calling and hanging up on his clients, because it will ruin his business. I have been locked out of the account since then. I searched his car, and I didnt find anything.
> 
> * Does anyone know any alternate way to get in? *
> 
> ...


I am not sure if you still have those phone numbers, but if you just 'google' the number it will link it to an escort ad if it is an escort's number. That's how I found out my H was calling escorts. Also, check for cash withdrawals fr bank statements bc those services usually only accept cash. I think if you google 'phone escort service' it pops up the site where u just enter a phone number and it searches to see if the number belongs to an escort. This is how I caught my husband, hope yours is not a cheater.


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

LAND OF CONFUSION said:


> I caught my husband calling an escort. He admitted to calling, but states he did not do anything. I went through the phone bill that next day, however, it was too early to see the calls made on that day. I did go all the way back to October and I called about 40-50 numbers, and none were escorts or women. After that, he changed the verizon account password and stated that he can't have me calling and hanging up on his clients, because it will ruin his business. I have been locked out of the account since then. I searched his car, and I didnt find anything.
> 
> Does anyone know any alternate way to get in?
> 
> ...


How is your situation going as of today? I am in the same predicament with my H and I want to leave the marriage. He was calling escorts for over two years that I know of. I believe he is full of **** when he says he has not ever slept with any of them. I need some insight


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Well you know he is hiding something or else he would grant 100% transparency. 

The fact his business isn't making any money could be a sign that some of the funds have been diverted to something expensive.

Like escorts.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

How did you get the 2 years figure?


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

I caught my husband by Google-ing the number. I know he watched porn too, and I was done being duped. I was crushed and in a worthless fog. I told him I think he has a problem and he should see a CSAT. He agreed he "may have a bit of a problem" and is now in therapy for sex addiction.

I have received so much support and strength from the COSA 12-step program and recommend it to anyone who will listen to me. There are telemeetings and in-person meetings which are listed on their website.

Think you've been a little crazy lately? Feeling a little insecure? IT'S NOT YOU!!! Get help for yourself. There is hope. You can feel better. He may follow suit, or he may have to hit rock bottom.

Study up on sex addiction and read every book you can on the subject. Educate yourself. Read any and everything by Patrick Carnes, Stefanie Carnes and Melody Beattie. Call into a COSA meeting ASAP!

Forget him. Time to take care of YOU! Don't drive yourself crazy playing detective. You have the evidence you need, don't you?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LAND OF CONFUSION said:


> I caught my husband calling an escort.* He admitted to calling, but states he did not do anything.* I went through the phone bill that next day, however, it was too early to see the calls made on that day. I did go all the way back to October and I called about 40-50 numbers, and none were escorts or women. After that, he changed the verizon account password and stated that he can't have me calling and hanging up on his clients, because it will ruin his business. I have been locked out of the account since then. I searched his car, and I didnt find anything.
> 
> Does anyone know any alternate way to get in?
> 
> ...


He is in error. He *did* do something. *He called an escort.* And that's something. To my way of thinking.


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

FoolMeOnce said:


> I caught my husband by Google-ing the number. I know he watched porn too, and I was done being duped. I was crushed and in a worthless fog. I told him I think he has a problem and he should see a CSAT. He agreed he "may have a bit of a problem" and is now in therapy for sex addiction.
> 
> I have received so much support and strength from the COSA 12-step program and recommend it to anyone who will listen to me. There are telemeetings and in-person meetings which are listed on their website.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

Calling All Angels said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is excellent advice Fool me once! Once you know what you are really dealing with you have to help yourself. I hope others do listen and stop living this nightmare.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Why bother, dudes not trustworthy. Assume the worst. My husband was with escorts, all the websites: married secrets.com, adultfriendfinder, Craigslist, ect. 

It's deceitful and untrustworthy.


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Why bother, dudes not trustworthy. Assume the worst. My husband was with escorts, all the websites: married secrets.com, adultfriendfinder, Craigslist, ect.
> 
> It's deceitful and untrustworthy.


I agree, Rugs, it is all that. To me it's not all black and white, and I have agreed to support him only if he's getting help, much like I would if I found he was a heroine addict. I'll tell you, it's not a fairy tale, but it's the devil I know, and I don't doubt he loves me. Some investments are worth it; some not. Time will tell.

Most importantly, the betrayed need help or they may and probably will choose the same type again. And codependents, believe it or not, play a role in the "dance." From what I understand, if you're with an addict, you're more than likely codependent.

Sorry for the TJ. I just want to spread the word of healing to those who suffer. Peace.


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## shytiger (Nov 13, 2013)

If you caught him calling escorts there's a high probability that he has already been seeing them. He has a second phone and was being careless when he used the Family phone. Everyone with this addiction knows this...it's 101.
It all starts with watching porn. This helps stimulate the erotic senses in order to have manageable sex with the spouse. After awhile, porn can no longer be used as a stimulus and the sex life suffers or becomes non-existent if it wasn't already before. Now all those years of watching porn become a manifest of reality. 
If you do your research, you'll learn how the "escort" business operates and how your husband participates. An escort is not a street walking *****. 90% of them are hold normal jobs just like you and I, and some even support a family. Your typical salary for these girls varies depending on how high-end they are. The range can be 160-to 600 and hour...1500 day and up from there. Annually one can bring in 50,000 to 900,000 depending on looks and popularity. You could have co-worker who sits next to you and you would never know. I knew a individual that worked for a very prominent energy company who was a working girl on the side. So yea...your husband was most likely spending your kids college money in the name of self-gratification. 
The first time is what hooks him. He will have studied up on the protocol... ie no mention of money exchange for services, which is typically a "donation" of the amount as advertised, neatly stuffed in an envelope and place in clear view.
We all say to ourselves that this experience was the first and last time, and at the time we say it, we don't know it but we are lying to ourselves. Then it just becomes a full out addiction, fantasies becoming realities...etc.

I lost everything to this "hobby". Everything that I cared for or loved....gone. I was careful in my planning and I convinced myself that she would never discover my "active" alter ego. My visits where planned around her moods. If there was a hint of aggravation for whatever reason, a visit would be out the question. If her universe was in perfect balance and w/o any recent arguments, then the time was right. This is horrible to read, I know...but this is thought process that kept me from almost never getting caught.

It was 3 years ago to this day. I made my favorite lunch that morning, smoke turkey on homemade sourdough bread all packed in a brown bag. I was in a hurry to get to the office that day because there was a lot on my mind. That afternoon I had scheduled an appointment with one of my regular providers a little after lunch time. Because I was in such a rush I had forgotten my brown bag lunch. I stopped at a drive through and was on my why. I was texted to my destination which was a very nice upscale gated apartment complex. After everything had taken place I was in the process unlocking my car door when I felt a blow on the side of my face which ended up being the lunch I made that morning being thrown by my now, ex-wife. I'm not going to go into what all transpired because it no-longer matters. I can't decide if it was that moment or the that first visit with the provider when my soul died. 
I've been alone ever since with no desire to ever get married again. I still want to see my two kids...and they still want to see me. But I'm convinced that marriage was never for me. I don't believe marriage along with kids is for everyone. Society sometimes forces us to make certain decisions and if those decisions were wrong from the beginning then they will naturally correct themselves.
You guys that are worried about STDs...your husband has a better chance of contracting an std from a bar floozie than a real provider...do your research and you will agree.

I'm writing this for two reasons...#1 you guys need to know how the game works from the surface down if you're going to play Drew and Nancy and #2 It's the anniversary of the day I lost my self worth. (btw...I do go to group counseling..and it helps) At the end of the day it's all about accepting who you are...and that is easier said than done.


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

@aug - turns out it has been at least 4 yrs but most likely even more


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

@shytiger - thank you so very much to take time out to inform us women of whats really up in the streets. We all want to know and think we have a pretty good idea. I didn't have a huge money trail of cash being pulled out of our account (nothing larger than $60) but I'm guessing if a man wants it bad enough he will do whatever needs to be done to get the money. 

I am now living in an apartment and have filed divorce papers. He does not know that I have files as of today. I am struggling with how to inform him (why the hell should I care if his feelings get her?) He has said to me recently that he would even take a lie detector test! Wtf ?


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## clueless80 (Nov 14, 2013)

I'm in this situation now too...H and I have been separated for a little over a month. He also claims he only called and nothing ever happened. So hard to believe it.


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

clueless80 said:


> I'm in this situation now too...H and I have been separated for a little over a month. He also claims he only called and nothing ever happened. So hard to believe it.


Give me some examples of the things he says to you to defend himself. I get some of the craziest stuff. My H also had two profiles on two separate singles sites (I did not see any activity so that was what he thinks is his saving grace). 

I have been living in this apartment since September 25. It is so very crazy that I even have an apartment! Seriously, I don't get any of this?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You wrote:

Yes, we have had some problems in our relationship. Marriage strain after having our son, I am the breadwinner, I am back in school to obtain a degree to make more money for our family, he started a business and is not making money, dont feel connected.

Did you get look at the books of his company?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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