# Worse than My Worst Nightmare



## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

I've read posting here and decided to share my story to hopefully gain other perspectives on what I'm doing right or doing wrong so here goes....

A little background. Married to my wife, let call her "M," for just under 5 years. We have a 4 1/2 year old daughter. We met, dated and within 4 months she was pregnant. I was madly in love with her and think I'm a good guy so I did the right thing and we got married three months before my daughter was born.

The marriage was good, or so I thought for the first 3 years. There was however always an outside perilous influence and that was at our place of work. Her boss and my business partner, lets call him "J." 

J was not only my business partner, but had been a child hood friend and we had been friends for nearly 30 years. My wife worked as his office manager and I did independent contract work for J. Business was good and financially very lucrative for all parties. 

I knew J however since we were kids. He had always been a selfish SOB, arrogant, greedy, imposing, "alpha male" type *******. He is also an alcoholic and philanderer having cheating on his high school sweetheart since before and after their marriage. But he had previously never exhibited that ****ty behavior towards me, we had been like brothers as teenagers and college mates, we spent holidays together and his family I considered my own. We were that close at one time. 

As I said, J had never displayed his ****ty personality attributes towards me since i was his "best friend", that is, he did not until I got together with my wife M and the start of our business relationship. 

Very soon into it, I became disenchanted with the business dealings and most especially with my wife working with J. His alcoholism would lead to liquid lunches, at first inviting both my wife and I, and then later only inviting my wife. I was perturbed by this. i would tell my wife not to go but she would say things like that is her boss and its during work hours, that she wouldn't drink only him (a laugher in retrospect), and that they would discuss solely business issues despite him drinking. 

i started to try to figure a way out of the business relationship as i realized this was a very unhealthy environment but by that time my business involvement with J ran deep and there was a lot of entanglements. i confided in my wife that I disliked J's obvious weird fixation with her and thatwe needed to get out as i trusted her and she would echo the same to me and that nothing was going on between her and him other than work. (boy was i a fool in retrospect). 

Staring in mid 2011, my wife began to treat me very badly, verbal abuse, insults, etc. We went to marriage counseling to see what our (her) issues were in the marriage. Needless to say, counseling did not work.

In January 2012, I had had enough of the business dealings with J and we mutually agreed to start to detangle the business dealings we had and work to bring them to a close and go separate ways. Meanwhile my wife stayed on as his employee despite my objections and my marriage went from bad to worse. 

i went into a depression over my supposed best friend and i failing with both the business and the friendship. By then I hated him more so for his work demands on my wife which took her away from our daughter and I. (I began to become more and more suspicious whether his demands of my wife were about work alone.) 

I started looking for a new business partner or gainful employment with another firm. i found it with a competitor. My wife went ballistic when i took the job with a competing firm. i wondered at the time why did she care so much where i was working if i was still bring in good income to support our family? (you can call me a fool again here). 

I also started to catch my wife in lies for example she would say she was at one place but I would discover by accident or by her own admission she was somewhere else and often it was with him. We fought constantly over this to no avail. Respect and everything else (intimacy, sex) was going out the door. She told me the cliché "she loved me but was not in love with me"

I began to read her text messages, most times nothing overt but then I suspect since he is also married that much was in code. (these are two very intelligent and deceitful people). Then there were things like her talking **** about me, her own husband, to him, i.e. marital problems, vilifying me and where her business loyalties lied (with him), etc. they would text till

There was never any blatant texts pronouncing their love for each other or "or hey the sex was great yesterday." i found nothing like that although there was a lot of flirtation type texts. The growing suspicions became a void in my stomach that i couldn't get rid of but intuitively I felt an affair was happening when I considered all the issues collectively.

I tried to leave in the summer of 2012. She begged and pleaded for me to stay. I did but I said things needed to change drastically for our marriage to work. They didn't. 

Where I had previously been trusting, I began to watch her every move as best I could. Calling her office to only hear the receptionist say no she is not in, and nor was J. Checking her supposed business meetings to confirm no meeting took place sometimes. 

Meanwhile our home life was a wreck. She was working late hours and I'm coming home from work to my daughter alone. Constant fighting, my wife leaving the house taking my daughter and not letting me know where they were. I'd call the cops but they could do nothing without a court order. In January, I finally hired a private investigator and placed a GPS system on her car. Ended up catching her in more lies. D Day was January 31, 2013. Wife text me at 2 p.m. in the middle of the day and said she had a business meeting about a 1/2 hour away from her office she was having to go to. The GPS showed her car was 5 minutes from her work. i drove to the car's location. It was a hotel. I then proceed to sit by her car, texting her about her business meeting, how it was going when did she think she would be home, etc. meanwhile the wife is continuing to lie. i check with the hotel front desk, no room under his or her name. I call J's office but he is not in his office. After four hours, she finally walks out and I confront her. I thought for sure they would walk out together but she is alone. i ask her questions but I get more lies. 

I filed for divorce on February 5, 2013. She moves out the next day. It has been an ugly battle so far. 

There is so much more to this story. i will write more about soon or will respond to any comments or ?'s. i doubt my story is new here. i'm really just looking for perspective and advice from people who have gone through similar ****.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Another case of the guy with the womanizing friend who thought that his good buddy would never go after his wife... You should have known better and forced your wife to quit this job a long time ago. Is your friend married, and did you bother to try to tell his wife what a scumbag her husband was? No...we couldn't possibly do that. So long as he's not touching MY wife - it's all good...

Lesson to everyone: if you are friends with a known cheater - especially a known serial cheater - dissolve the friendship and run away. Sooner or later, your cheating friend will burn you. 

For starters, expose the affair to family and friends. Tell your buddy's wife that he's a POS *********. Then you need to decide if you even want to try to reconcile with the wife or cut your losses now.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I would say you should consult a lawyer about suing the OM. Since you we're a business partner of his, these actions by him may very well constitute fraud on his part, do you ma be able with a good shark lawyer destroy him financially.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I would expose the thing far and wide, family friends and business associates, 

Get checked for STD's. Sorry you are here. Do not talk with the wife unless it about the kid or bills. 
?
Has she been trying to talk with you? How is that going?


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

To Plan 9's reply:

Everything you say is true. I'm ashamed I kept the Bro Code for so long for this traitor when he had not yet burned me. I have since told his wife. 

I am only a couple of months into the separation and divorce but I've come to the conclusion that, despite how sad I am for my 4 year old daughter, there will be no R. 

My STBX denies to this day anything was going on, shows no remorse and is making the divorce hell for me which I intend to return in kind.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> I would say you should consult a lawyer about suing the OM. Since you we're a business partner of his, these actions by him may very well constitute fraud on his part, do you ma be able with a good shark lawyer destroy him financially.


I have dirt on this guy regarding his shady business dealings no question. I was literally seconds from exposing him but I have to figure out what dirt he and she have on me before I act. 

Currently both sides are acting like the USA v. USSR during the cold war, i.e. we both know we could potentially destroy each other on may levels. So lets keep a truce. (I don't want to but have to protect myself.)


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

mahike said:


> I would expose the thing far and wide, family friends and business associates,
> 
> Get checked for STD's. Sorry you are here. Do not talk with the wife unless it about the kid or bills.
> ?
> Has she been trying to talk with you? How is that going?


I'm doing the 180 and only trying to talk about things regarding our daughter or through the lawyers but the wife is a mean, crazy ***** who keeps antagonizing me or using my daughter as a weapon to get things out of me. 

After moving out on her own, she returned to the house while I was away one weekend, and took more furnishings, photos, safes, a large sum of cash I had, etc. than she did when she first moved.

The house was secure, in that I had changed door locks and garage door codes after she moved but she got in through a window. I had to file a burglary report with the Sherriff's dept.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

Further response to Plan 9's reply:

I did insist my wife quit working there. 1000x I demanded it. It was the source of many of arguments if not the main source. She at first rationalized that we needed the income (we did) but I was indeed foolish until I finally decided to no longer be one and file for divorce.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> I have dirt on this guy regarding his shady business dealings no question. I was literally seconds from exposing him but I have to figure out what dirt he and she have on me before I act.


Do you have a reason to fear that they have dirt on you? 

Use that dirt as leverage to get a clean and even break. Since your stbx wife worked with this guy she's probably in on these shady dealings as well. If you think you have something substantial use it to smooth over the custody issues etc.

How is your wife as a mother?


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I would also out him on cheaterville 








CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> I'm doing the 180 and only trying to talk about things regarding our daughter or through the lawyers but the wife is a mean, crazy ***** who keeps antagonizing me or using my daughter as a weapon to get things out of me.
> 
> After moving out on her own, she returned to the house while I was away one weekend, and took more furnishings, photos, safes, a large sum of cash I had, etc. than she did when she first moved.
> 
> The house was secure, in that I had changed door locks and garage door codes after she moved but she got in through a window. I had to file a burglary report with the Sherriff's dept.


I would subtract those funds from whatever you are paying her if you can check with your atty


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

BjornFree said:


> Do you have a reason to fear that they have dirt on you?
> 
> Use that dirt as leverage to get a clean and even break. Since your stbx wife worked with this guy she's probably in on these shady dealings as well. If you think you have something substantial use it to smooth over the custody issues etc.
> 
> How is your wife as a mother?


they should not have dirt on me but I do not put anything past the two of them to fabricate and I'm trying to figure out one thing right now with another lawyer that she and he have threatened but should not exist. 

My wife has already fabricated domestic violence and obtained a TRO which kept my daughter away from me for 30 days. With the support of her own mother, brother and sister in law, and my first wife (who is an angel compared to this one) I overcame the TRO. 

She is an alcoholic and drug user, with loser girl friends who too are single mothers now. Although I know she loves our daughter, to answer your ? no I don't think she is a good mother.

I know there are going to be many battles on many different fronts for me moving forward, i.e. divorce and business litigation and I'm up against two people who will say and do virtually anything. I have to choose which battles I fight first wisely.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

In_The_Wind said:


> I would subtract those funds from whatever you are paying her if you can check with your atty


Problem is it was cash. Sheriff investigator also tells me that because we were still legally married, she had a right to come into the house. (She has admitted coming to the house but denies taking the money to the investigator). 

I have tried to scare her into admission but she wont budge. She is a evil, smart ***** and I know I have my hands full but I will fight her all the way.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> they should not have dirt on me but I do not put anything past the two of them to fabricate and I'm trying to figure out one thing right now with another lawyer that she and he have threatened but should not exist.
> 
> My wife has already fabricated domestic violence and obtained a TRO which kept my daughter away from me for 30 days. With the support of her own mother, brother and sister in law, and my first wife (who is an angel compared to this one) I overcame the TRO.
> 
> ...


Did you know all of this before you married her, or did she fall into this after marriage? I guess my thoughts are to help you more for your next relationship TBH. I can't help you with what you are doing through your divorce, but I can help you think about where it all went wrong and what to avoid the next time.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> She is an alcoholic and *drug user*, with loser girl friends who too are single mothers now. Although I know she loves our daughter, to answer your ? no I don't think she is a good mother.



There's your answer. You have anything on that? You can get sole custody.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Did you know all of this before you married her, or did she fall into this after marriage? I guess my thoughts are to help you more for your next relationship TBH. I can't help you with what you are doing through your divorce, but I can help you think about where it all went wrong and what to avoid the next time.


Thank you Plan 9 truly. I want plain honesty and nothing you say no matter how harsh will put me off. I need it cuz I want to understand how I got here so I don't repeat the mistakes. 

Did I know my wife like to drink and party before we got married? yes as I liked to drink on occasion too at that time though I never was an addict and thought we were just able to do it for fun and leave it. (She couldn't though). 

She had some questionable girlfriends (so did I, so I thought everyone does). They were nice enough at the time. You know what those friends are and what boundaries you should have with them or so I thought.)


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

BjornFree said:


> There's your answer. You have anything on that? You can get sole custody.


I have captured texts from her cell phone regarding the drugs issue. As part of a stipulation dropping her DV-TRO against me I dropped my OSC re: her fitness as a mother motion I had. I weighed the risks and I just wanted to see my daughter so badly after 30 days without her. 

But I do intend to make issue of it again since I know she is likely using still. I'll push for the hair follicle test although I don't believe it is mandated only urine is. Again it's a very long story to get into but I'm waiting for the right moment to do so in the near future.


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> they should not have dirt on me but I do not put anything past the two of them to fabricate and I'm trying to figure out one thing right now with another lawyer that she and he have threatened but should not exist.
> 
> My wife has already fabricated domestic violence and obtained a TRO which kept my daughter away from me for 30 days. With the support of her own mother, brother and sister in law, and my first wife (who is an angel compared to this one) I overcame the TRO.
> 
> ...


Obviously, it's too late now but you should never have kept fungible assets in the house after she left, and especially not without documenting it visually.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

So you admit your friend has always been scum but that was OK as long as he was good to you? I don't want to say "karma" but if you hang with a dog with fleas, you are going to get bit at some point.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

JMGrey said:


> Obviously, it's too late now but you should never have kept fungible assets in the house after she left, and especially not without documenting it visually.


You're right. I just thought she would never stoop as low as to break in to a house she had already moved out of while I was gone and take that money. Foolish again I know but I didn't think even she would stoop that low. With every shred of civility out the door it's now no holes barred. I will plot and scheme to destroy her and the x best friend. Just have to be patient and smart about it. It could take years.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> I have captured texts from her cell phone regarding the drugs issue. As part of a stipulation dropping her DV-TRO against me I dropped my OSC re: her fitness as a mother motion I had. I weighed the risks and I just wanted to see my daughter so badly after 30 days without her.
> 
> But I do intend to make issue of it again since I know she is likely using still. I'll push for the hair follicle test although I don't believe it is mandated only urine is. Again it's a very long story to get into but I'm waiting for the right moment to do so in the near future.


You seem to be a smart cookie. Just play your cards right. Now I know this is a time of incredible sorrow for you but that grieving can come later. Now you need to fight and you need to fight dirty. There's no point in going all soft on your wife because you think your daughter's life is going to be affected a. I'm not gonna lie your daughter's life is going to be affected but it will be much worse for you and your daughter if you give in to the pain right now. So stay strong man.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

Paulination said:


> So you admit your friend has always been scum but that was OK as long as he was good to you? I don't want to say "karma" but if you hang with a dog with fleas, you are going to get bit at some point.


You are right always was. sad to say we were more alike when I was a teen and in my 20's but never as bad as him i.e. I would never cheat on my spouse ever or mess around with another friend's girl or a married woman for that matter. Why? when there is plenty of single women to do that with if that's your thing. 

a lot of Karma happened to me that very much changed me and we are nothing alike anymore. I was hoping I was done with paying back any bad karma I accumulated. 

A friend recently told me this is not bad Karma, that its actually good Karma in that I could have spent another 10-20 years with this woman and wasted my life with her. It is painful beyond measure but I have to believe something amazing for me is in store in the future. Not lies, betrayal and deceit.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

BjornFree said:


> You seem to be a smart cookie. Just play your cards right. Now I know this is a time of incredible sorrow for you but that grieving can come later. Now you need to fight and you need to fight dirty. There's no point in going all soft on your wife because you think your daughter's life is going to be affected a. I'm not gonna lie your daughter's life is going to be affected but it will be much worse for you and your daughter if you give in to the pain right now. So stay strong man.


Thanks. It has been unbelievably hard. Only in the last few weeks have I been able to make myself give a **** about anything again. I have good friends and supportive family members. I am working on expanding my social and business circles.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

DNA your daughter.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

DNA your kid.

Get two lawyers a good divorce lawyer and a good civil lawyer to go after him.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> DNA your daughter.


That is even a more unbearable thought. I would lose it. She is my daughter in every sense and I love her with all my heart 

Just for the sake of argument what would a DNA test do? I'm not asking what it could prove or not prove but what it would do for me at this point? maybe someone here has gone through that process but my understanding that there is a legal presumption she is my child since we were married when she was born.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> That is even a more unbearable thought. I would lose it. She is my daughter in every sense and I love her with all my heart
> 
> Just for the sake of argument what would a DNA test do? I'm not asking what it could prove or not prove but what it would do for me at this point? maybe someone here has gone through that process but my understanding that there is a legal presumption she is my child since we were married when she was born.


You are her Daddy no matter what!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

mrb182 said:


> I filed for divorce on February 5, 2013. She moves out the next day. It has been an ugly battle so far. .


However ugly the battle, it will be worth it to rid yourself of her. Think about all the guys who support and sacrifice for years not knowing what's going on behind their backs and consider how lucky you are to be able to cancel her ticket with no more than a few months of your life invested.



mrb182 said:


> Sheriff investigator also tells me that because we were still legally married, she had a right to come into the house.


Unless she has been precluded by the courts to not enter the house or to take what is generally considered jointly owned property, the Sheriff's investigator is correct.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

My worst nightmare? Try my story for size: STBXH and I married 13 yrs. 5 yrs ago he starts emotional affairs. Secrets, coming home late, the whole kabang. I kick him out last summer. No papers filed, says he still loves me. He just needs time yada yada.

Starts dating slag OW in Sept, he gets ger pregnant in February this year. The OW is friends of his daughter and his family. She's 14 yrs younger than me. He met her at church 

NOW THAT'S SICK.


He says it wasnt cheating because we were separated yet he made no move to file papers.

At least your wife is not having another man's baby. It could have been much worse for you.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

DNA the kid for future health considerations.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> You are right always was. sad to say we were more alike when I was a teen and in my 20's but never as bad as him i.e. I would never cheat on my spouse ever or mess around with another friend's girl or a married woman for that matter. Why? when there is plenty of single women to do that with if that's your thing.
> 
> a lot of Karma happened to me that very much changed me and we are nothing alike anymore. I was hoping I was done with paying back any bad karma I accumulated.
> 
> A friend recently told me this is not bad Karma, that its actually good Karma in that I could have spent another 10-20 years with this woman and wasted my life with her. It is painful beyond measure but I have to believe something amazing for me is in store in the future. Not lies, betrayal and deceit.


Ya you sound like an honorable guy. believe it or not there are folks that love to triangulate married couples or break up marriages sounds sick i know like the other predators they go after the weakest in a herd ie married women are known by alot of these creeps as easy pickings. same goes guys as well just remember cream raises to the top


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> However ugly the battle, it will be worth it to rid yourself of her. Think about all the guys who support and sacrifice for years not knowing what's going on behind their backs and consider how lucky you are to be able to cancel her ticket with no more than a few months of your life invested.
> 
> 
> 
> Unless she has been precluded by the courts to not enter the house or to take what is generally considered jointly owned property, the Sheriff's investigator is correct.


Yep I need to move for exclusive use of the house. As for the Affair, I have no idea how long its been going on. I theorize that when our relationship began to get really bad that it may have started then (1-2 years back is my best guess) But it is only a guess and I have no way of knowing. She will not come clean ever and I have to resign myself to that fact.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

ThePheonix said:


> However ugly the battle, it will be worth it to rid yourself of her. Think about all the guys who support and sacrifice for years not knowing what's going on behind their backs and consider how lucky you are to be able to cancel her ticket with no more than a few months of your life invested.


And the women like me who trusted and believed in their husband. I think OP got out early!!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

You are doing everything right so far. Don't let anger consume you. Keep a cool head, as it appears you have. Anger and reflex actions can lead to poor decisions. 

You should keep a voice activated recorder on you at all times - particularly if you have face-to-face interactions with you. She's not beyond setting you up for a trumped up DV charge.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

brokenbythis said:


> And the women like me who trusted and believed in their husband. I think OP got out early!!


There is good and bad in both genders. Problem is the bad ones always seem to prey on and end up with the good and then later screwing them over. My x best friend's wife is someone I've known since we were kids. She is sweet and the x best friend has abused her emotionally, verbally and probably even physically to the point she is a door mat now. 

Despite me telling the x best friend's wife what has happened she will not likely do a thing and will stick her head in the sand. When I told her he was having an affair, "she replied "recently?" I kid you not.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> You are doing everything right so far. Don't let anger consume you. Keep a cool head, as it appears you have. Anger and reflex actions can lead to poor decisions.
> 
> You should keep a voice activated recorder on you at all times - particularly if you have face-to-face interactions with you. She's not beyond setting you up for a trumped up DV charge.


She already did! She dropped it when I got 10 declarations from her mother, brother, cousins and mutual friends (whom she thought I could never do) that stated I was a good loving father in order to oppose it. 

The custody pick up and drop offs are the only times I see her now and those are done in front of the police station.


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## bearlakegirl (Mar 26, 2013)

What a story. I have gone through the SAME exact types of things with my husband. It hurts and is tough to get that knife out of your back when you went into a marriage with trust and belief that it would work. I know how you feel and feel terrible for you. I have simular things going on in my life, a question for everyone...if you DO have proof..ie: video cards with pictures and video that he had taken while cheating, a thumb drive with the same from his laptop, etc...does that hold up in court or a divorce?


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

bearlakegirl said:


> What a story. I have gone through the SAME exact types of things with my husband. It hurts and is tough to get that knife out of your back when you went into a marriage with trust and belief that it would work. I know how you feel and feel terrible for you. I have simular things going on in my life, a question for everyone...if you DO have proof..ie: video cards with pictures and video that he had taken while cheating, a thumb drive with the same from his laptop, etc...does that hold up in court or a divorce?


Thank you. As for your ? it Depends if you live in a no fault state or not. I'm in California, i.e. no fault state so the fact she cheated on the marriage has no repercussions. I can only get her for custody on her substance abuse issues.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

bearlakegirl said:


> What a story. I have gone through the SAME exact types of things with my husband. It hurts and is tough to get that knife out of your back when you went into a marriage with trust and belief that it would work. I know how you feel and feel terrible for you. I have simular things going on in my life, a question for everyone...if you DO have proof..ie: video cards with pictures and video that he had taken while cheating, a thumb drive with the same from his laptop, etc...does that hold up in court or a divorce?


It depends on a lot of things. 

Do you have your own thread? If not - you should start one. You could use support and advice.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mrb182 said:


> I've read posting here and decided to share my story to hopefully gain other perspectives on what I'm doing right or doing wrong so here goes....
> 
> A little background. Married to my wife, let call her "M," for just under 5 years. We have a 4 1/2 year old daughter. We met, dated and within 4 months she was pregnant. I was madly in love with her and think I'm a good guy so I did the right thing and we got married three months before my daughter was born.
> 
> ...


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

To Entropy:

My story is unfortunately very real. I understand your positions in red (they are the right ones). Please understand that in hindsight yes I was a complete fool but also understand it was way difficult to navigate through this as things slowly occurred over a long period of time and I trusted my wife and although I trusted my friend less becuz I knew his past I still thought that was a line that would never be crossed becuz of our history together. 

These two people are sociopaths (literally). If you are a normal person with some moral compass it is hard to even think of the possibilities that come so naturally to people like this or even close to the same way these people do and act.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

mrb182 said:


> That is even a more unbearable thought. I would lose it. She is my daughter in every sense and I love her with all my heart
> 
> Just for the sake of argument what would a DNA test do? I'm not asking what it could prove or not prove but what it would do for me at this point? maybe someone here has gone through that process but my understanding that there is a legal presumption she is my child since we were married when she was born.


From the California Courts website:
A child born during a marriage is presumed (assumed) to be a child of the marriage, and the husband and wife (or, after January 1, 2005, domestic partners) are the legal parents. This is called a “conclusive presumption” which means that the presumption (that the child is a child of the married couple) cannot be disproved, even if there is evidence to disprove it. Read Family Code section 7540 for the law about this presumption.

There are very limited exceptions to this rule, and they can be very complicated to figure out.* If you are married and have a child that you are not sure is your biological child, talk to a lawyer.* A lawyer will be able to help you figure out if you have a legal basis to dispute paternity and, even if you can do it legally, if you should do it based on other considerations.


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## mrb182 (Mar 28, 2013)

Everyone, I appreciate the concerns re DNA testing but she is my daughter looks like me and my family way more than her mother and nothing like the OP. 

Ok i suspect the 180 is working. the STBX told me she missed me over this past weekend. I said nothing in return. I'm sure I'm not the first person here going through this crap where it's an emotional roller coaster of anger, hate, despair, regret, hope. What to say to that? I don't know. We are supposed to talk . I'm hoping to reach some level of civility between us.


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## bearlakegirl (Mar 26, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> It depends on a lot of things.
> 
> Do you have your own thread? If not - you should start one. You could use support and advice.


I am brand new to this site and posted something because I too am in a bad situation. What is a thread?


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