# I need ideas on how to take care of myself



## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I often feel ignored by my husband. He is always watching tv, and always saying yes to doing things for other people that takes up a lot of his time.

I know I can't nag him to spend more time with me because that will drive him away. I need some ideas on what to do for myself. Money is tight, so I haven't been able to do the things I normally do like go out with a friend to lunch or go shopping. I just need ideas on things I can do to take my mind off the fact that I feel ignored by him. My list so far is:

clean
take a shower
play with kids

Any more ideas?


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

read
watch movies
listen to music and dance
work out (this is very helpful)
take pics
go to the park and have picnics with kids


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Oh! I have been keeping a journal too. That's helped me a lot.

Work out is a good one! I can't believe I forgot that. I think that would help a lot.


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## 2ndtimearound (May 1, 2011)

Working out is a great one. I think anything that gets rid of nervous energy (anxiety, worry etc) would help alot. Also, since the weather is warming up, what about gardening? Sometimes it helps me to go out with my plants and flowers even if I am weeding! Just being around pretty things lifts my spirits sometimes. 

What about a beauty day but at home? Give yourself a pedicure or a hair treatment. Not sure how old your children are or if you have girl(s) but maybe have a play spa day with them? Nail polish is inexpensive and a good conditioning treatment can be made with olive oil and mayo. lol


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Thanks for the great advice! I have one daughter who is three. I have three other boys who are 5, and twins that are 7 months. 

She LOVES nail polish! I can't believe I hadn't thought of that. Yes, I will do a girl's spa day with her. She will love it!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I like to make fun out of my chores. For instance, I like to freezer cook. So I try to get together with friends to do it. Scrap booking is good if you already have materials. Cooking WITH the kids is fun. How about biking, do you all have bikes?


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Mom6547 said:


> I like to make fun out of my chores. For instance, I like to freezer cook. So I try to get together with friends to do it. Scrap booking is good if you already have materials. Cooking WITH the kids is fun. How about biking, do you all have bikes?


I have scrapbooked for years and I'm trying to get back into it, but it's so expensive. I really have to get back into it though because I have lots of books for my first two kids and I just had two more so I need to get on preserving memories for them.

I would LOVE to freezer cook, but I am always nervous about what will freeze well. I am making quiche for dinner tonight, does that freeze well? I could make two and freeze one.

I baked cookies with the kids yesterday. That is something I do often.

We don't have any bikes, but I'm sure we could borrow some.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

themrs said:


> I have scrapbooked for years and I'm trying to get back into it, but it's so expensive. I really have to get back into it though because I have lots of books for my first two kids and I just had two more so I need to get on preserving memories for them.
> 
> I would LOVE to freezer cook, but I am always nervous about what will freeze well. I am making quiche for dinner tonight, does that freeze well? I could make two and freeze one.


Quiche freezes very well. You can either freeze the whole thing, or just the filling. 

30 Day Gourmet Freezer Cooking - Welcome to 30 Day Gourmet's Freezer Cooking Online Manual

Google oamc (once a month cooking). There are a zillion cookbooks out there as well. Where do you live?




> We don't have any bikes, but I'm sure we could borrow some.


Good luck! If you wind up cheering yourself, and feeling happy, betcha a buck your husband starts wanting to hang around you!


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Get outdoors and walk/hike with the kids and explore!
Do you work outside the home too? If not, do you volunteer at your kids' school?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I work outside the home.

I want to do three things for myself every day, no matter how small they seem. Yesterday, the only thing I really did was journal. That's okay though because Hubs wanted to play a game with me and it was a very relaxing evening. 

Today, my goal is to:

journal
work out
groom my eyebrows

If I can just do these three things I think that's a great start.


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## luckyman (Apr 14, 2011)

Here are some ways I take/have taken care of myself:


Meditate (I practice Buddhist (Vipassana) Insight Meditation ) 
Journal writing- emotions, moods, feelings
Write affirmations (positive statements about yourself) Write several each day and read aloud the previous day's
Garden-plant vegetables and herbs and use them cooking
Write letters (not email) to friends and family
Read True Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Plant a tree
Write/create a cookbook that is filled with your favorite recipes. Begin to test recipes from books you have and add these to the book
Join a wife/spouse support group such as CODA
Go to the book store and buy a book that uplifts your spirit
Create a photo journal of your world-through your eyes and share it with others

There are other activities that I do that have already been suggested. Working out at least 5 times per week is extremely helpful. I find it takes care of a great many frustrations.

Taking long walks and focus on each step as it hits the ground and all that is going on in the environment as I enter each new area with each step. This is a form of walking meditation and I find that I am very calmed by this practice.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

All of that sounds great! 

I have made a schedule for myself and I am going to start working out again tomorrow. I have to get up early in the morning to do it, or else the day gets away from me.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

your kids are only a fews years away from taking an enormous amount of your time (not that they dont already). mine are 15, 13 and 11 and we have multiple sport activities every night of the week and every weekend. throw in all their school activities and there is literally zero time for my wife and i to worry about our relationship. its not a bad thing for us


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

okeydokie said:


> your kids are only a fews years away from taking an enormous amount of your time (not that they dont already). mine are 15, 13 and 11 and we have multiple sport activities every night of the week and every weekend. throw in all their school activities and there is literally zero time for my wife and i to worry about our relationship. its not a bad thing for us


When I read this I can't help but think what will happen when the kids are gone? You don't worry about your relationship, but do you work on it? That little bit of "worry" I feel about my marriage helps me fine tune it when I feel like things are getting away from me. 

I don't want my marriage to go to auto pilot. I don't want to wake up one day with the kids gone and wonder "Who is this man sitting next to me?" because we spent 20 years of our lives focused on the kids, money, the house, etc and forgot to focus on each other. I mean, that's the reason we got married in the first place, isn't it?

Besides that, there are 24 hours in a day. Why can't I have 30 minutes a day for myself? I don't think that is selfish. I have been making my family a priority since day one and I feel like I'm losing myself. Time goes by so quickly. I just don't want to forget about me and my husband in the process.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

themrs said:


> When I read this I can't help but think what will happen when the kids are gone? You don't worry about your relationship, but do you work on it? That little bit of "worry" I feel about my marriage helps me fine tune it when I feel like things are getting away from me.
> 
> I don't want my marriage to go to auto pilot. I don't want to wake up one day with the kids gone and wonder "Who is this man sitting next to me?" because we spent 20 years of our lives focused on the kids, money, the house, etc and forgot to focus on each other. I mean, that's the reason we got married in the first place, isn't it?
> 
> Besides that, there are 24 hours in a day. Why can't I have 30 minutes a day for myself? I don't think that is selfish. I have been making my family a priority since day one and I feel like I'm losing myself. Time goes by so quickly. I just don't want to forget about me and my husband in the process.


no, i dont worry. i actually believe we will live seperate lives for the most part afetr the kids are gone. ive seen this in many marriages, her parents to be exact. i think it will be fine.

my wife is like you, its all about the kids, although i am just another item on her schedule and unlike you i dont think she cares about us that much, there just isnt time in her mind. anything we do in the intimacy dept is planned and scheduled and i dislike that.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I like to:

Read
Watch TV
Read post(s) on TAM - even though I might not respond
Check my e-mail
Call friends

No kids at home - so just try to do things for myself.

Most of the time I watch TV with the hubby then we eat dinner, watch TV in bed until sleep. He goes to bed early due to TBI, so I'm in bed earlier than normal. If I can't sleep - I get up and do one of the above on the list.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I had the same issues in my marriage, therms. There's a great website called *meetup.com* that i joined. the people are really friendly and most of the outings are free. the other weekend i went to a wild edibles class at the wildlife park that taught you what you can and cant eat in the wild. Kids are welcome at many events. Ive gone horse back ridding, hiking, softball groups, sky diving. there's lots of outdoor groups and pretty much a group for anything. check it out.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I think in small ways you should start being unpredictable, he acts this way because he always expects you to be home, so don't be home all the time, don't be so in healthy but small doses don't be so dependable and predictable let him start asking questions, he will start asking questions he will notice a change. Hey if he misses you then you know you got his attention. Play Bingo or find games in the local community if you have them, or a book club maybe. Something more social plus you will have something to look foward to. =)


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Thank you all for your advice! I really appreciate it because I was at a total loss. I can't believe I didn't think of most of the things you guys mentioned, especially working out.

In the last couple of days I have started to focus more on myself. I've not talked so much and become more introspective. I've written in my journal everyday and played with the kids more. 

My husband has noticed. He has flirted with me more in the last couple of days than he has in years! I think I'm on the right track, I just need to really kick it into high gear. I do need to get out of the house more, but with the price of gas. . . SHEESH! Better put on my walking shoes! LOL!


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

themrs said:


> My husband has noticed. He has flirted with me more in the last couple of days than he has in years! I think I'm on the right track, I just need to really kick it into high gear. I do need to get out of the house more, but with the price of gas. . . SHEESH! Better put on my walking shoes! LOL!


YAY! to the first part

and YES! to the second part (walking)

If you live within walking distance of things like parks, libraries, coffeeshops, that can be great for "you time."


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> your kids are only a fews years away from taking an enormous amount of your time (not that they dont already). mine are 15, 13 and 11 and we have multiple sport activities every night of the week and every weekend. throw in all their school activities and there is literally zero time for my wife and i to worry about our relationship. its not a bad thing for us


I would disagree and think that it is all ways a bad thing if you are too busy to make time for each other.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Syrum said:


> I would disagree and think that it is all ways a bad thing if you are too busy to make time for each other.


you can disagree, it has probably kept our family together, and i do love having us together as a unit. like i said, its good for US, didnt say it would work for all


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I also feel neglected, ignored by my husband. We go in seperate directions, his choice not mine. I keep busy, never bored. I spend time with family, and friends. It is sad for me that I spend no time with my man.
I miss the company of a man. Conversation, affection. No matter how busy you stay you will feel this void.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

4sure said:


> I also feel neglected, ignored by my husband. We go in seperate directions, his choice not mine. I keep busy, never bored. I spend time with family, and friends. It is sad for me that I spend no time with my man.
> I miss the company of a man. Conversation, affection. No matter how busy you stay you will feel this void.


I'm hoping by being less available to him, it will draw him closer to me.


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