# How long to wait to start dating again



## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

In the beginning of Nov I asked for a divorce. We had been thru a lot - roller coaster marriage, suicide of her teenage son, and our 6 year old hearing us argue.

We both met with our attorneys at the beginning of December. Pushed things forward and now waiting on the Separation Agreement. Our attorneys agree that I can move out without any abandonment issues - I guess if she tried, I'd use some things I have on her.

So I'm moving into a neighborhood about 2 miles from my current house this weekend.

She's already gone out and bought new lingerie, didn't really have any before. The affair partner from Oct '12 is back in the picture. Funny thing is, I don't feel hurt by any of this. Her and I just are meant to be together. Things are falling into place for me, and moving out - furniture wise, great rental (duplex) in a family neighborhood close to my sons school.

How long do I wait before I start seeing other people? We've both been thru counseling - for grief and personal matters.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

IMO, whenever you feel ready to do so.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Everyone has a different time table when it comes to dating again.

The dates do not need to be serious, just go out and have fun.

Hang out with some guy friends, talk about the crazy stuff you used to do,

talk about your ex's (just in your case, not your STBXW), have a few beers.

You will know when you are fully ready for something again


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The answer is: when you're ready. And no two people are the same. Me, personally, I didn't even consider dating for eons after separation/divorce. I wasn't ready.

Do you.

Your post kinda sounds like you want to date. If you do, make sure you are open and honest with the women you see about where you are at and (as far as what you want from the dating experience) and that you're still married. Don't hide it.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

Thank you! I have no intention of hiding my current status.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

As soon as you buy some lingerie, apparently.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

A therapist can help you figure this out.

For me, it was a long time because I was emotionally attached to my WW in an unhealthy way and it took me a long time to get past that. 

For me I am 1 year, 3 months down the read and only just starting to be ready now.

My problem is I have been IN a relationship for 9 months.

I can tell you it is hard work when you aren't ready and not much fun for your partner.

It also depends if you are the kind of guy that can go out on a date, do whatever and end it. I'm not like that so dating early for me was a big mistake.

Talk to your therapist.


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## SingleDadof2 (Mar 9, 2015)

I've always felt the longer the relationship the longer it would take to overcome the emotional ties to said partner. If you were only married one year it would make sense to rebound quicker than if you were married 15. Just a personal belief I guess. Just don't rush into dating because she is. Do what is comfortable for you!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

SingleDadof2 said:


> I've always felt the longer the relationship the longer it would take to overcome the emotional ties to said partner. If you were only married one year it would make sense to rebound quicker than if you were married 15. Just a personal belief I guess. Just don't rush into dating because she is. Do what is comfortable for you!


For the vast majority, you are correct. It took me longer to get over the 

hump of breaking up with my last g/f (we dated 22 months) than my XW

of 15+ years. The g/f was after the D. By the end of my M, I was very

unhappy. I grieved but I also started to examine the bad points and her faults

Yes I entered into a relationship very soon but..... I knew it was over with XW.

I know that sounds weird but I have that story on my thread in the 

Life after Divorce section and two others in GTDoS


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## SingleDadof2 (Mar 9, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> For the vast majority, you are correct. It took me longer to get over the
> 
> hump of breaking up with my last g/f (we dated 22 months) than my XW
> 
> ...



I'll check that out Chuck. Can you pinpoint why it was harder with the GF that was much shorter than the XW? You are an exception to the rule, or so it seems.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I would say the Life after Divorce thread ...... a more compare / contrast


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