# When you want a divorce, but spouse doesn't..



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

What do you say, or do you say anything at all? I know he won't agree to a divorce, but there's nothing there anymore, not for years now. He won't want to lose his things or money, I think that's all he wants in a marriage...a financial partnership.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you have to let him know at some point... Seems a bit cowardly that a process server would be the way you let someone know, though. Unless you figure you've got a really good reason to hurt him (I.e. infidelity) or you're afraid of a physical response.

But your spouse also doesn't get a choice in whether there's a divorce or not. Their only real choice is to accept the terms you lay out (if you file first) or fight for more favourable terms. But they can't just decide there won't be a divorce at all, in most cases.

C


----------



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

I don't want him to throw a temper tantrum, raging in front of the kids.

Maybe I should just choose a good time to talk and simply say "are we going to do this the hard way or the less hard way?"

Nothing is easy about the process. I should've done it years ago, so much wasted time.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Make a time when the kids aren't around. Send them over to the grandparents or a friends place for the night. I chose to break the news to my STBXW when I was working from home one day and the kids were in school.

And no, I know it's not easy. I ended our 18 year marriage. It was about the worst three conversations I had ever had in my life. Telling my wife that we were broken and needed help, telling her that I wanted out, and then telling the kids. But it's the first step in starting to "fix" your life...

C


----------



## chazmataz3 (May 29, 2013)

ive read a lot of your post and shame on you! A parent is suppose to protect their children and you have stood by and LET your husband ABUSE your children. Grow some ba!!s and do what you've talked about for years. Who cares what your husband wants? If nothing else move out and get some counseling to find why you've put up with his terrible behavior.I hope you are serious. good for you stopping the EA. If you pray, pray your heart out for strength and wisdom. I will be praying for you!!! I didn't mean to belittle you ,but rather light a fire under your a$$. GOD BLESS


----------



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Yes, praying for strength is a good idea. It's incredibly hard for me to be assertive.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You divorce anyway. You dont need the spouse's blessing or permission. I am not assertive either, and I ended TWO marriages..if I can do it, anyone can!


----------

