# promiscuous wife's past



## 1HARDCASE (May 4, 2018)

So reading post after post about men having a tough time with dealing with their wife's sexual part I feel prompted to tell my story I'm older then most of you was Married to the Love of my life for 42 years before she past away. Being a retired widower gave me a LOT of time to think about our past together.
We married right out of High School, we knew each other 10th thru 12TH grade. That's when she moved to my school and seeing her the first day fell in Love with her. We didn't run in the same groups she was beautiful, cheerleader, Very popular, active in everything. I knew she had two longer term relationships with sex evolvement. I started to date her 4 months before the end of our senior year and I fell in Love very fast. We didn't start having sex for 21/2 months after graduation, I was a virgin and she had her past from the first night I knew something was not right. We were married in Sept, and I thought everything was as good as it could get. Then just short of 1 year she looks at me and said she didn't care if she ever had sex again. My ego went from the mountain top to the depth of the oceans. So naturally our sex life went from couple times a week to 1 time every one to two months. Before we were married we talked about her sexual past and she assured me I was her third partner which is what I had thought, even having known the two prior two partners very well and a tough time dealing with them because they both treated her like $h!t. Maybe I should tell you that I really did treated her like a queen. Well then about a year and a half into our marriage she drop another boom she admitted screwing her best friend boy friend buy going out of town with him and ****ing for three days and said that was the only time. What makes this so hurtful to me he and I were in each others wedding as groomsmen. This one took awhile for me to get over. Things went along pretty well for about 15 years then out of the blue she tells me about a friend and her was on a Senior College recruitment trip and the her friend picked up a stranger, black man about 6 years older and went to his place and got ****ed. I tried talking many many times about her past and she always said there as nothing to talk about. You should know that I have always been Very conservative and had my very set ways on morality and she knew this from the very beginning. With all I have written I Loved her madly it wasn't that I was Stupid but it was I loved her so much I could not think of her lying to me. Everyone that met her loved her, she was a great person now and for our 42 years. Now for the thinking time I've had with myself. My thoughts have given me these finding witch I'm 99% are correct. This is all while in High School.
1) My wife had over 20 partner before me.
2) She was screwed over 100 times before me.
3) She would not do for me what I now knew she done many time with others.
4) She was screwing best friends BF up to our marriage and probably after. Remember me saying the first time we had sex that something was not right, like she had been ****ed recently.
5) The friend with the black dude. It wasn't the friend.
Now tell me if you would feel like your whole relationship was not built on lies lies lies. Now don't tell me her past is in the past and her past made her who she became. Why is it that a school girls can go through school ****ing anything that walked and then when she marries me she is so a shamed of her past that she lets our relationship be nothing but One big lie. See I believe that when you are married you become one, so now I have to live with me screwing everyone that their ex partners screwed and that anyone she had unprotected sex with (there was many) new reports say that their sperm is in the women's brain. So much for being one. Then the world tell me to forgive and forget. I Love her so much and with her not being here, I would really like to how anyone would not feel like me, that my whole heart as been ripped out of my chest and all my wonderful memories destroyed. Young and Dumb don't cut it ladies there is a price for what we all choose. There is a lot more to the story but this is my burden to bear. Sorry for such a long post.
And so with a Heavy Heart I say, goodnite


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

I am sorry you are feeling this pain. You have a limited time on this Earth. I hope you can find a way to move forward and enjoy the good memories you have.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I am also a widower after a marriage nearly as long as yours. I'm curious how long you have been widowed (four years for me) and also will say that it sounds like you are having a bad "night" causing you to think about this more than you should. The past IS the past and especially so in our case where our wives are gone and there is no opportunity to find resolution by discussion with your spouse. You are only going to drive yourself insane by rolling this over and over again in your mind.

Some young women are "promiscuous" although I don't like that word because it is very judgmental. That doesn't make them bad women. Perhaps your wife should have been more open about her past, sooner, but it sounds like she had cause to be concerned about how you would handle it based upon how you are handling it now. She likely just didn't want to go there because she wasn't particular proud of her "conquests" as a young woman and didn't want to be reminded of them, or judged on them.

My wife was very honest with me about her past however I'm sure this is because I never held it against her or judged her. Before she was 19, and met me, my wife had nearly as many sexual partners as your wife. She was the only girl I ever knew that had more sexual partners than I did.

Like I did, consider yourself lucky that you met a woman who got her sexual "escapades" out of the way BEFORE she married you, and not during your marriage through affairs. Our wives "sowed their wild oats" before they met us and because of their experience they knew they didn't have to go looking for greener pastures after marriage.

Never marry a virgin.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

"even having known the two prior two partners very well and a tough time dealing with them because they both treated her like $h!t."

"This one took awhile for me to get over." ................about a year and a half into our marriage 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why would she tell you knowing how fragile your ego is ? You didn't say she cheated on you. You knew enough at 1.5 years of marriage. 

You probably shouldn't be talking this way about your departed wife...doesn't seem right.

Yet another example of a man getting his feelings hurt because (in his mind) his women had wild sex before they got married.

As a man it is tough for me to admit........sometimes women really are tougher than SOME men.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> As a man it is tough for me to admit........sometimes women really are tougher than men.


I agree. 

I like this notion.
Men being the more sensitive of the two.

Better to be the Antennae than the Sender.


Just Sayin'



Taken from the archived notes of SunCMars-


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> I agree.
> 
> I like this notion.
> Men being the more sensitive of the two.
> ...


Note: I did have to go back and add the word SOME......BUT....on the whole I'll agree.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Just trying to decipher something before I put a more detailed response.

The other times she came forward about later on, did those occur during the marriage of was EVERYTHING still before she married you and just she came 'clean' later. Did any of those occur while you were dating?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> Just trying to decipher something before I put a more detailed response.
> 
> The other times she came forward about later on, did those occur during the marriage of was EVERYTHING still before she married you and just she came 'clean' later. Did any of those occur while you were dating?


My response was under the impression from what I read that it was all before marriage.

My default response to dating is always: Did you VERBALLY establish that you were dating exclusively?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

1HARDCASE said:


> So reading post after post about men having a tough time with dealing with their wife's sexual part I feel prompted to tell my story I'm older then most of you was Married to the Love of my life for 42 years before she past away. Being a retired widower gave me a LOT of time to think about our past together.
> We married right out of High School, we knew each other 10th thru 12TH grade. That's when she moved to my school and seeing her the first day fell in Love with her. We didn't run in the same groups she was beautiful, cheerleader, Very popular, active in everything. I knew she had two longer term relationships with sex evolvement. I started to date her 4 months before the end of our senior year and I fell in Love very fast. We didn't start having sex for 21/2 months after graduation, I was a virgin and she had her past from the first night I knew something was not right. We were married in Sept, and I thought everything was as good as it could get. Then just short of 1 year she looks at me and said she didn't care if she ever had sex again. My ego went from the mountain top to the depth of the oceans. So naturally our sex life went from couple times a week to 1 time every one to two months. Before we were married we talked about her sexual past and she assured me I was her third partner which is what I had thought, even having known the two prior two partners very well and a tough time dealing with them because they both treated her like $h!t. Maybe I should tell you that I really did treated her like a queen. Well then about a year and a half into our marriage she drop another boom she admitted screwing her best friend boy friend buy going out of town with him and ****ing for three days and said that was the only time. What makes this so hurtful to me he and I were in each others wedding as groomsmen. This one took awhile for me to get over. Things went along pretty well for about 15 years then out of the blue she tells me about a friend and her was on a Senior College recruitment trip and the her friend picked up a stranger, black man about 6 years older and went to his place and got ****ed. I tried talking many many times about her past and she always said there as nothing to talk about. You should know that I have always been Very conservative and had my very set ways on morality and she knew this from the very beginning. With all I have written I Loved her madly it wasn't that I was Stupid but it was I loved her so much I could not think of her lying to me. Everyone that met her loved her, she was a great person now and for our 42 years. Now for the thinking time I've had with myself. My thoughts have given me these finding witch I'm 99% are correct. This is all while in High School.
> 1) My wife had over 20 partner before me.
> 2) She was screwed over 100 times before me.
> ...


I was wondering when another thread spouting this was going to pop up again.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Are you posting this just as part of mourning her death? If you really want to know why she treated you differently than her past lovers it is simply because you are a different person than they were and invoked different emotions and attraction levels. When you presented yourself as the nice guy you got treated as the nice guy. It's normal to have some jealousy in that situation, but since she passed you would do better remembering your happy times together rather than dwelling on what could've happened or conversations you didn't have with her.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I am very sorry for the loss of your wife. She was the love of your life - please remember her that way. There is nothing that can be done to change anything in the past now. Life is difficult and no one gets through it without making mistakes.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

1HARDCASE said:


> So reading post after post about men having a tough time with dealing with their wife's sexual part I feel prompted to tell my story I'm older then most of you was Married to the Love of my life for 42 years before she past away. Being a retired widower gave me a LOT of time to think about our past together.
> We married right out of High School, we knew each other 10th thru 12TH grade. That's when she moved to my school and seeing her the first day fell in Love with her. We didn't run in the same groups she was beautiful, cheerleader, Very popular, active in everything. I knew she had two longer term relationships with sex evolvement. I started to date her 4 months before the end of our senior year and I fell in Love very fast. We didn't start having sex for 21/2 months after graduation, I was a virgin and she had her past from the first night I knew something was not right. We were married in Sept, and I thought everything was as good as it could get. Then just short of 1 year she looks at me and said she didn't care if she ever had sex again. My ego went from the mountain top to the depth of the oceans. So naturally our sex life went from couple times a week to 1 time every one to two months. Before we were married we talked about her sexual past and she assured me I was her third partner which is what I had thought, even having known the two prior two partners very well and a tough time dealing with them because they both treated her like $h!t. Maybe I should tell you that I really did treated her like a queen. Well then about a year and a half into our marriage she drop another boom she admitted screwing her best friend boy friend buy going out of town with him and ****ing for three days and said that was the only time. What makes this so hurtful to me he and I were in each others wedding as groomsmen. This one took awhile for me to get over. Things went along pretty well for about 15 years then out of the blue she tells me about a friend and her was on a Senior College recruitment trip and the her friend picked up a stranger, black man about 6 years older and went to his place and got ****ed. I tried talking many many times about her past and she always said there as nothing to talk about. You should know that I have always been Very conservative and had my very set ways on morality and she knew this from the very beginning. With all I have written I Loved her madly it wasn't that I was Stupid but it was I loved her so much I could not think of her lying to me. Everyone that met her loved her, she was a great person now and for our 42 years. Now for the thinking time I've had with myself. My thoughts have given me these finding witch I'm 99% are correct. This is all while in High School.
> 1) My wife had over 20 partner before me.
> 2) She was screwed over 100 times before me.
> ...


You can choose how you remember her


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> Are you posting this just as part of mourning her death? If you really want to know why she treated you differently than her past lovers it is simply because you are a different person than they were and invoked different emotions and attraction levels. When you presented yourself as the nice guy you got treated as the nice guy. It's normal to have some jealousy in that situation, but since she passed you would do better remembering your happy times together rather than dwelling on what could've happened or conversations you didn't have with her.


THIS!

When it comes down to it, she probably felt the need to give up her body in this way to attract them or make herself feel better in a way. With you, you didn't require that, you had more admirable traits and she didn't think she had to give up what she may not have wanted to give up to the others but 'had' to. 

In a way it sucks because if anyone deserved that stuff, you did but in her psyche she probably didn't think you required it and probably had a sense of relief in some ways.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

She is dead now. 

And you are free to move on and find someone else who is more honest with you and more sexual with you than she was.

And I suggest you not put the new gal on a pedestal like you did with your previous W.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

1Hardcase, I'm sorry for your loss.

Without knowing anything other than what you've posted, it is possible she was sexually abused as a child. Such promiscuous behavior, especially back then, is very consistent with child sex abuse. Also consistent with it is a significant change in behavior with marriage.

If she was abused, she was a victim. Her behavior is a symptom from that abuse.

The woman you knew in your marriage was real, but so was the young woman before you were married who was promiscuous. Two different compartments. CSA victims are excellent compartmentalizers. If she was a victim of CSA, what she did was not personal towards you. She did not act out of some form of maliciousness towards you. She didn't scheme to use you in the same way a cold gold digger would. If you experienced her as a loving wife then that is who she was.

I would advise you accept that there was something inside her that was damaged in some way, which led to her promiscuity. Maybe it was simply a bad example or bad guidance from her parents or others as she grew up. Maybe it wasn't something traumatic like abuse, but she just didn't learn the right lessons. Maybe she was emulating older siblings etc who were living the 60's free love lifestyle. Teens do some dumb stuff. Whatever it was, she did things which later on she apparently wished she hadn't, and she didn't want you to know.

It's too late now to change what happened or to get more information on the causes or events. It is what it is. I think you should consider that she stayed with you because she saw something very good in you. Find peace and move forward.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hmm. Good advice would be not to accept having such a limited sex life and not being so naive about your cheating wife.

She cheated on her past boyfriend and you up to your marriage and afterwards.

If you hadn't been so enamored with her, you may have allowed yourself to see her behavior and had more self respect.

She should have been honest with you but you married a cheater and cheaters are all mostly liars.

I do believe in honesty about history but I also believe people change as well.

I went from a promiscuous wild man to monogamous husband fairly well.

Your wife wasn't all that good of a person and she doesn't sound like she was that great of a wife.

You shouldn't place all women in her mold.

There are many women who are honest even formerly promiscuous ones who make great wives.

Sorry for your loss.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

1HARDCASE said:


> So reading post after post about men having a tough time with dealing with their wife's sexual part I feel prompted to tell my story I'm older then most of you was Married to the Love of my life for 42 years before she past away. Being a retired widower gave me a LOT of time to think about our past together.
> We married right out of High School, we knew each other 10th thru 12TH grade. That's when she moved to my school and seeing her the first day fell in Love with her. We didn't run in the same groups she was beautiful, cheerleader, Very popular, active in everything. I knew she had two longer term relationships with sex evolvement. I started to date her 4 months before the end of our senior year and I fell in Love very fast. We didn't start having sex for 21/2 months after graduation, I was a virgin and she had her past from the first night I knew something was not right. We were married in Sept, and I thought everything was as good as it could get. Then just short of 1 year she looks at me and said she didn't care if she ever had sex again. My ego went from the mountain top to the depth of the oceans. So naturally our sex life went from couple times a week to 1 time every one to two months. Before we were married we talked about her sexual past and she assured me I was her third partner which is what I had thought, even having known the two prior two partners very well and a tough time dealing with them because they both treated her like $h!t. Maybe I should tell you that I really did treated her like a queen. Well then about a year and a half into our marriage she drop another boom she admitted screwing her best friend boy friend buy going out of town with him and ****ing for three days and said that was the only time. What makes this so hurtful to me he and I were in each others wedding as groomsmen. This one took awhile for me to get over. Things went along pretty well for about 15 years then out of the blue she tells me about a friend and her was on a Senior College recruitment trip and the her friend picked up a stranger, black man about 6 years older and went to his place and got ****ed. I tried talking many many times about her past and she always said there as nothing to talk about. You should know that I have always been Very conservative and had my very set ways on morality and she knew this from the very beginning. With all I have written I Loved her madly it wasn't that I was Stupid but it was I loved her so much I could not think of her lying to me. Everyone that met her loved her, she was a great person now and for our 42 years. Now for the thinking time I've had with myself. My thoughts have given me these finding witch I'm 99% are correct. This is all while in High School.
> 1) My wife had over 20 partner before me.
> 2) She was screwed over 100 times before me.
> ...


I don't know why you posted this as she is gone now, you know speak well of the dead an all that. Not sure what is to be gained with this. 

But since you did I will respond. First off I think the main problem with your wife was she was a liar, not that she had a lot of sex. The lying was the real cause of all of her problems. She also obviously had some real problems with sex and sexuality. Her promiscuity was a cause but was also probably caused by deeper issues which is usually the case. The lying contributed to that as well. I don't have any issue with her sex life but she should have told you. Frankly though being with 20 partners before 12th grade would be a huge red flag to me. At the very least it should have been obvious that you had way different ideas about sex. I get it she lied to you. Still the real problem with her was she cheated on you, and her best friend. Not good.

The other problem was you. If you felt the way all your list items say you should have divorced her. At the very least you should stop idolizing her like you seem to still want to do. This is SO COMMON with stories like this. Some men tend to want to idolize their wives but usually it's really only because they are SO PRETTY. Basically that's it. I have no problem with putting your wife on a pedestal, if they earn it. But if they don't kick them off. 

_Also it should be noted expecting them to be faithful is NOT putting them on a pedestal like some folks like to spout on boards like this._

These men also see Femininely as some mystical force that is unobtainable. They have a hard time dealing with the fact that women have just as much potential as being *******s as men. It's like it's a shock or something. Thing is there are a lot of great women out there too. So if you meet and ******* either sex you dump them. That's pretty much it. 

Honestly dude you should have dumped her the first night you knew something was up, or after you knew she has repeatedly lied to you. Being married to a liar sucks. You loved her way TOO MUCH, way more then she deserved. That is one lesson to others. Also DON'T STAY WITH A LIAR. Pretty or not. She is gone now, try to see the best of what you had. Go find better if you want better.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

If she were alive and you two were trying to build a better marriage then this would be an important thing for you to work through. As is, there's no point in you dwelling on this. She did spend 42 years with you. I'm sure there are literally thousands of great memories. She was a wild child. They exist. I know if you knew you wouldn't have married her and she knew that too. She didn't want to lose someone she loved because of her wild sexual past. You don't know that she cheated on you. If she didn't love you she wouldn't have stuck around for 42 years. The black dude from college probably curled her toes but you owned her heart. In the grand scheme of life what you had was far far more important. Talk to a therapist if you need to but honestly my friend, I don't see anything positive to be gained from dwelling on this.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

While there is really nothing you can do now in terms of getting this addressed with your wife, if you are posting just to vent - feel free here.

Like it has been mentioned, you were married for over 40 years so there must have been some good times in there.

Yeah, it sucks to realize you may not have gotten the 'best' your wife had to offer but I hope she did share some special "things" with you and you have some special memories.

Use this forums to vent and expunge your feelings in order for you to feel better with the understanding that most 'usual' suggestions will not be helpful to you in your particular circumstances.

Good luck.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> You can choose how you remember her


I like this ^^^.

You were deceived for a large portion of your M, and some of those deceptions very well may have been dealbreakers for you, had you known at the time. I know some of them would have been for me. Now that you know and have accepted how your W really was, you can choose to remember her however you want, and if that is in not so fond terms ... so be it.

Now ... go make some better memories with a better partner.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Could would shoulda. 

I'm sorry you are going through this, but your best bet is to find a good woman who will bang your brains out and help you make up for lost time. Let your dead wife rest.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Could would shoulda.
> 
> I'm sorry you are going through this, but your best bet is to find a good woman who will bang your brains out and help you make up for lost time. Let your dead wife rest.


And if he wants a woman with a sperm free brain, seeking a virgin would certainly be his best bet.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> And if he wants a woman with a sperm free brain, seeking a virgin would certainly be his best bet.


My guess he is near 60, so if he found a virgin I'd hate to see him try to pry the lid off that old box.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

1HARDCASE said:


> So reading post after post about men having a tough time with dealing with their wife's sexual part I feel prompted to tell my story I'm older then most of you was Married to the Love of my life for 42 years before she past away. Being a retired widower gave me a LOT of time to think about our past together.
> We married right out of High School, we knew each other 10th thru 12TH grade. That's when she moved to my school and seeing her the first day fell in Love with her. We didn't run in the same groups she was beautiful, cheerleader, Very popular, active in everything. I knew she had two longer term relationships with sex evolvement. I started to date her 4 months before the end of our senior year and I fell in Love very fast. We didn't start having sex for 21/2 months after graduation, I was a virgin and she had her past from the first night I knew something was not right. We were married in Sept, and I thought everything was as good as it could get. Then just short of 1 year she looks at me and said she didn't care if she ever had sex again. My ego went from the mountain top to the depth of the oceans. So naturally our sex life went from couple times a week to 1 time every one to two months. Before we were married we talked about her sexual past and she assured me I was her third partner which is what I had thought, even having known the two prior two partners very well and a tough time dealing with them because they both treated her like $h!t. Maybe I should tell you that I really did treated her like a queen. Well then about a year and a half into our marriage she drop another boom she admitted screwing her best friend boy friend buy going out of town with him and ****ing for three days and said that was the only time. What makes this so hurtful to me he and I were in each others wedding as groomsmen. This one took awhile for me to get over. Things went along pretty well for about 15 years then out of the blue she tells me about a friend and her was on a Senior College recruitment trip and the her friend picked up a stranger, black man about 6 years older and went to his place and got ****ed. I tried talking many many times about her past and she always said there as nothing to talk about. You should know that I have always been Very conservative and had my very set ways on morality and she knew this from the very beginning. With all I have written I Loved her madly it wasn't that I was Stupid but it was I loved her so much I could not think of her lying to me. Everyone that met her loved her, she was a great person now and for our 42 years. Now for the thinking time I've had with myself. My thoughts have given me these finding witch I'm 99% are correct. This is all while in High School.
> 1) My wife had over 20 partner before me.
> 2) She was screwed over 100 times before me.
> ...


Thats such a sad story, and she was very wrong not to tell you of her promiscuous past. She married you under false pretences and lied to you throughout the whole marriage. :frown2:


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Since she is now under earth and all....You ought to talk to someone and share your feelings. It's good you can vent here in TAM as well. I don't share the sentiment of talking ill of the dead and all. She was your life, and it is common to expect that love to be returned in Ernest and spades. Later on you found out that some of it didn't jive. I got that. But really, all you can do is LIVE your life now and be better for it. 

She gave you good years, yes? Enjoy that fact. So, you wanted more sex. Like who the hell doesn't. But don't get hung up on what she did for them and not for you crap... If you need to experience that type of stimulation, now that your are your own man....Go get er' done. It's 2018, that shouldn't be a problem.. 


As for the sperm on the brain...I think that is a euphemism. Not a candid idea or blanket statement. Seriously. We could all go science like here and prove that wildly wrong in so many ways.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Thats such a sad story, and she was very wrong not to tell you of her promiscuous past. She married you under false pretences and lied to you throughout the whole marriage. :frown2:


Yeah still though once you find out if you commit to stay then the rest of the marriage is on you. If you can't get past it, which is fine (I would have a problem with the false pretense too) then you should leave. If not then forgive and learn to live with it. To me it's more sad that he spent 40 years being unhappy when there was the potential out there to find someone who fit what he needed better. She is dead and he is still unhappy. Move on already. You don't just get one chance at this.

Half the time I think a lot of this is because the virgin feels like they missed out. If that is the case they shouldn't have waited to get married in the first place, even if she was a virgin the person would probably still have those feelings. If you have those feelings then you didn't wait for the right reasons anyway. It seems in this case it was done more to follow rules, rules you don't even believe in. Just a bad strategy. 

Another reason seem to be because they are comparing themselves to the other sex partners. Sex compatibility isn't static, if you want to be the best partner work on it with your partner. If you are going to make it a competition in your own mind then win the competition. 

Finally if the betrayal is too much because you expect to have a special relationship with one partner then move on. Granted it won't be just one but you can still make your sex count more even and maintain some form of uniqueness. 

This is why I advocate for people moving on so much. So many people seem to stay in situations that make them miserable yet somehow expect it's going to magically get better. It is just unrealistic. Life doesn't work like that. Cut your losses and MOVE ON!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

samyeagar said:


> And if he wants a woman with a sperm free brain, seeking a virgin would certainly be his best bet.


Um...this so called "research" is bunk science.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> Since she is now under earth and all....You ought to talk to someone and share your feelings. It's good you can vent here in TAM as well. I don't share the sentiment of talking ill of the dead and all. She was your life, and it is common to expect that love to be returned in Ernest and spades. Later on you found out that some of it didn't jive. I got that. But really, all you can do is LIVE your life now and be better for it.
> 
> She gave you good years, yes? Enjoy that fact. So, you wanted more sex. Like who the hell doesn't. But don't get hung up on what she did for them and not for you crap... If you need to experience that type of stimulation, now that your are your own man....Go get er' done. It's 2018, that shouldn't be a problem..
> 
> ...


Oh no. It is a very real thing being floated by sloot shamers, and the entire last paragraph of this story is lifted nearly verbatim from recent shaming posts making the rounds on the internet, some of which have appeared here in various forms, but always the same..."research showing that" sperm stays inside a woman in various places for years to the rest of her life. Complete and utter tosh, but absolutely malicious sloot shaming.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through.

I wonder why however you are now wondering and consumed
by your wife's past. I would suggest that you try and remember 
the good times of the last 42 years of her life that she shared and
gave to you. In your OP you said that some of her Ex boyfriends
treated her like crap. You on the other hand treated her like your 
Queen. 

Maybe when she was younger (before you ) she was abused.
She may have been reliving that abuse over and over hoping 
to find someone who truly cared about her and wanted more 
than just sex. That person was you. She may have thought 
that she could tell you anything because you cared about her
so much. She may have felt she could tell you things that she
was truly ashamed of doing when she was younger. 

She may have given other people a few days of her life
but she gave you 42 years. If she never cheated during 
that time then she must have truly loved and cared about 
being with you and loved you. There are many, many people
in this world who have done things when they were young.
When the grow older they really regret what they did. 

Since she is now gone I would hope that you think about the
good times you had together. The birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
Since you and her were together for 42 years I am sure there are
more good times than bad. Since she was your Queen for 42 years
allow her to remain that way. If you read other threads on TAM
you will see other people here whose marriages fall apart after 
3-5 years. You had 42 years, think of the good times during those years.

If after one year of marriage she had told you everything what would
you have done ? What would you have done if she told you she was 
truly ashamed and regretted everything ? Cherish the good times
and leave the other stuff in the past. Again I am sorry for your 
pain.

If she was your Queen think of yourself as her Knight who
saved her from the life she was living before you.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Just breathe....


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

,


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

A guy who would mess with his friends wife just before or after his friend got married is likely a serial cheater and did not stop with your W, bring his W the numbers for a polygraph and divorce attorney and give her a rundown on how to snoop.

It might not be too late to pay a visit to the OM who was a groomsman at your wedding and speak with his W, or extract a confession from him. 

Have you spoken with friends of her and family members to determine who knew what?

Tamat


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Why is it verboten to "speak ill" of the dead?


Agreed. I'll happily speak ill of her. It sounds like she used him for financial support and consistency while she went out and had her fun with other guys. It doesn't even sound like she ever experienced one second of remorse for hurting him and leaving him in the cold. Maybe OP can now find a decent woman.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

We can talk about his dead wife because we are strangers. We don't know OP personally and we didn't know her or her family.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

My wife and I both told each other our skeletons in our closest rather early. I was relieved and so was she. I guess in a way both of us thought the same way. How can someone truly great want to be with us once we tell them our past? Surely that will scare them off. We both made mistakes before we met, but we've made none since then and that's what matters. She lost her virginity to a married man. Not smart, and she was 19. The man she lost it to had his own personal black book of women and it eventually caught up with him (divorced now). So I get it, I accepted it and heck I even knew the guy. But here is the thing, she didn't know me, and I didn't know her. I would have walked past her in a bar if I had my ex-gf with me and not even known who she was. 

None of that matters now. We have a family, wonderful children and we are still madly in love with each other, loyal and, yes, still lust after each other like teenagers at a drive in.


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