# How Soon Should Kids Be Involved?



## katharina (Jun 29, 2007)

If you have fairly young children and have been dating, how long do you date the person generally before involving the children? I know it's terrible for them to get attached if the relationship isn't going to work out.


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## MrsLV (Jul 3, 2007)

I would say only introduce the children if you plan a future with that person, and have a ring on your finger and a date set. If not, date the person but don't let them date your kids. My kids have been hurt in the past from being attached to my ex's, and it's just not worth it.


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

MrsLV said:


> I would say only introduce the children if you plan a future with that person, and have a ring on your finger and a date set. If not, date the person but don't let them date your kids. My kids have been hurt in the past from being attached to my ex's, and it's just not worth it.


I agree with this timing. There's no point in complicating things until there is a commitment.


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## Twineball (Nov 27, 2007)

I have a friend who was a single dad, his boy was about six. When he would date, he would make sure that the women knew up front he had a son. The boy would also meet the women, and as time passed and when the time was right, my friend asked his son's permission to propose to his girlfriend. The boy really liked the woman and now they have been a happy family for a couple years. 

I think it's possible for kids to meet and get a sense of people without getting attached. Plus, if the child absolutely does NOT get along with the other person, there's no point in going on. Because when it comes down to it, the child is more important.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Twineball said:


> I have a friend who was a single dad, his boy was about six. When he would date, he would make sure that the women knew up front he had a son. The boy would also meet the women, and as time passed and when the time was right, my friend asked his son's permission to propose to his girlfriend. The boy really liked the woman and now they have been a happy family for a couple years.
> 
> I think it's possible for kids to meet and get a sense of people without getting attached. Plus, if the child absolutely does NOT get along with the other person, there's no point in going on. Because when it comes down to it, the child is more important.



I agree that situation happened to me almost exactly the way it happened to your friend.

draconis


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I have a brother in law the tends to date women that have kids and he is always getting attached and when they break up the kids and him are hurt. I have to say that until the relationship turns series and you are planning a future together then is when you should involve the kids more.


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## Twineball (Nov 27, 2007)

You can definitely have the kids be somewhat involved without introducing situations that will cause bonding between the child and the other adult. I think as long as the parent is up front with the child, explaining as best as they can what the situation is, and is very careful that the child not become too attached, it can be worked out.

It takes a lot of work, but that's part of having a child, I think. And I can't stress enough that the child's welfare is the most important factor in this situation.


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## Tag (Dec 1, 2007)

MrsLV said:


> I would say only introduce the children if you plan a future with that person, and have a ring on your finger and a date set. If not, date the person but don't let them date your kids. My kids have been hurt in the past from being attached to my ex's, and it's just not worth it.


I agree. Only if you're sure to marry that person, get the kids involved. It's really difficult & heartbreaking for kids to see someoe who they thought might be a part of their life dissapear suddenly.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Tag said:


> I agree. Only if you're sure to marry that person, get the kids involved. It's really difficult & heartbreaking for kids to see someoe who they thought might be a part of their life dissapear suddenly.


This is specially true in todays society when we assign names like "daddy" to the new individual.

draconis


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## Liza (Jan 2, 2008)

This I think is a personal decision but I would wait until I feel there is some amount of future, no sense have a dozen "uncle" for the kids, who just turned out to be a few dates.


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

I have a cousin that has dated three different guys and her 5 year old has referred to all 3 as "daddy" at her prompting. That DISGUSTS me!!! Anyway, I wouldn't introduce my kids until my partner and I verbally acknowledged that our relationship was serious, exclusive, and heading for a future. I wouldn't allow the kids to start spending time with the person until I knew for sure, of course the down side is you never really know for sure. At the least I would be very selective about whom I introduce to them, if you are just dating for fun I wouldn't introduce them to anyone.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

When I began dating after divorce my three kids were young. I didn't introduce them to anyone unless it became serious (which was twice) The first time, he was introduced as a friend of mom's and we did some things together but did not show any affection towards each other in front of the kids so they never thought of him differently than my other friends and did not become attached. The second is my now husband. The difficulty in not introducing them at all is that at some point, it is important to see how they interact with your kids. The first guy I dated was great but had no children and although we got along great when we were alone, when he invited us all over a few times to watch a movie it became apparent that three little ones in his home made him anxious. In the end he broke things off because he couldn't imagine a future together once the reality of raising three kids set in.


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