# Is life too short to stay with someone like this?



## threedogs (Jan 3, 2014)

I love my husband very much, he is warm, funny, charming, handsome, all of it. Problem is, I never see him. 

He works for his family's business and makes his own hours. On the average he is gone from 8am-7pm, 7 days a week. I have made every effort to meet him for lunch, do something early before work, come visit him at his job if he has some down time and it fits in with my schedule (I have flexible hours also) but he is always too busy, most times won't even respond to my calls/texts. I have tried everything to get us to spend a little more time together. I used to make dinner and wait for him to come home but I just stopped. I got tired of waiting. I eat alone now. 

I work a full time job too. However, I actually get paid. Husband does not make a paycheck, he pays for his immediate needs from his family's business account (clothes, food, gas, etc) but isn't concerned at all about saving up a nest egg for the family that we both eventually want to have. We have a joint account for our shared expenses and I feel horrible that I have to harass him to put money in each month to pay 50% of our bills. 

I question whether I even want to have a family with this man. If he won't make time for me he won't make time for his children, and if we wanted to buy a house, send the kids to college, etc I fear I would have to foot the bill. 

I see my friends taking daytrips with their husbands and spending time together and enjoying each others company, I am jealous of them. It is 7 o'clock now, I have already worked a full day, cooked dinner and done the household chores and husband is still not home. I doubt he is having an affair, I just think his priorities are messed up. 

Is it wrong for me to want out, just because I want more from a marriage than I am getting? I don't want to sit around waiting for him to show up for so long that I miss my chance at a happy life.

Help.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

He's a workaholic;
or 
He's taking your for granted;
or
He's not that into you anymore.
(or all of them? ) 

You're always ready for him, you're the only one who makes every effort for the couple, you're the only one who sacrifices.
How do you expect him to appreciate you if you don't let him know that you're worth it too?

I think it's time to go 180.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How long have you been together? Does he own a share of the business? You do, too.

He gets home at 7:00, then what, he eats and plays video games?

Have you calculated just how inequitable his money management is?

Have you considered being absent when he comes home? Why not go out with friends or the gym and let him wonder.

He sounds like he is dysfunctional.

Is your sex life ruined?


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## threedogs (Jan 3, 2014)

We've been together for 2 years, married for 1. Yes he comes home around 7/8pm, I'm usually drinking a glass of wine reading or watching tv, he has dinner, makes a mess of the kitchen and then we go to bed. 

Yes sometimes I am absent, I do go to the gym or occasionally meet a friend for dinner, he's always a little stunned and calls or texts me.. where are you, I thought you'd be home?? So I say, next time honey let me know when you'll be home so we can spend time together... the very next day, same old story.. no contact and home after dark. 

Sex life not ruined.. I am very attracted to him, but lately he's feeling more like a stranger to me than my husband, so we haven't had any. 

I just want to be married to someone that I can spend time with!!


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## Troubledtimes (Oct 25, 2013)

Just my two cents..Don't give up on the marriage before you've actually let him know how you feel about not spending time together (in a non blaming manner)
I am not advocating to just withdraw and do your own thing because I have experienced how a demanding work life can be the death of the relationship if both people don't commit to spending time together. At first I was working longer hours, then it was my stbxw, and neither of us really spent much time together conversating and enjoying each others company. We ended up basically living separate lives, and eventually all we shared was arguments, and that contributed to the death of her feelings and our relationship. Please try to have a talk with him. 'Divorce busting' would be a good read for you at this point, it will tell you how and when to apply the 180.


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## threedogs (Jan 3, 2014)

Yes, I have tried, in every way imaginable, said it 1,000 different ways and even broke down crying begging for half a day a week so we can do something together or he could help me with a project or something around the house.. this was months ago and nothing has changed. I don't want our relationship to go down this path but I'm all out of try. I feel myself checking out. I will read the divorce busting.


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## Troubledtimes (Oct 25, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear that, I went through the same thing and that got very frustrating. After (still) going through separation myself, I don't think it helped mend the relationship at all, it just helped me and her learn to live separately again. I believe divorce busting is against separation for that reason. It's definitely worth reading and worth trying to implement the methods the author suggests before trying something as drastic as separation.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

threedogs said:


> Yes, I have tried, in every way imaginable, said it 1,000 different ways and even broke down crying begging for half a day a week so we can do something together or he could help me with a project or something around the house.. this was months ago and nothing has changed. I don't want our relationship to go down this path but I'm all out of try. I feel myself checking out. I will read the divorce busting.


He needs to be made aware of just how dire this situation is. Let him know that you dont want to start a family with him because he would not be around to be a part of it, and to do his share of the caretaking that is required. Let him know of your jealousy for other couples, and that you are starting to check out of the marriage. Let him know that if things do not change, that you are considering divorce. You have to be prepared to move forward with divorce should you bring it up, because making idle threats will not bring about any kind of change. You have to be willing to lose it to save it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I think it's time for more than talk on your part. Tell your husband that he has two weeks to smarten up and tell him that if he doesn't he will be paying for MC. After you start MC tell him he has one month to smarten up or you are filing for divorce. The D process can be stopped at any time, but the fact you actually file might be the wake up call he needs.

Schedule activities for the two of you to do together and make sure he knows when and where and then see if he shows up. Make sure he knows this is a test and that whether you stay married to him depends on whether he passes.

DEFINITELY do not start a family with this man until and unless he can show by his actions that he is taking this seriously. Promises mean nothing - it's RESULTS that you need.

You can talk till you're blue in the face with some people, but what they need is to see some consequences before they will listen. Sounds like your husband is such a person.


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## Seahorse8 (Feb 4, 2014)

I feel in the same situation. Hubby works job 1 and is gone 730am to at the earliest 730pm. Most nights it is way later, other nights I don't see him at all. I question all the time if I am just wasting my life with him. We do not have children, and although I want children he keeps putting it off saying he is too busy to focus on that now. 
At my age, it is hard to find friends who are available during the week or who don't have family obligations, so I end up spending a lot of time alone. 
I really feel for you, and I don't think there is any good answer or outcome to the situation. I hope your efforts of talking to your husband work and he sees he needs to start investing more time into the marriage!


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