# Blindsided!!!!!



## emt7535 (Jan 20, 2013)

Well after 10 weeks of separation and talks of sitting down with a mediator the W called me at work today to inform me that she had retained a lawyer and filled for divorce yesterday. All along the plan has been to sit down with a mediator and try and work things out but she blindsided me with this. She already has the papers drawn up and has told me that her lawyer is a "bulldog". So looks like I will have to retain my own lawyer to make sure that I am treated fairly. Just goes to show what a backstabbing bytch she really is I guess........


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## Redone (Feb 10, 2013)

I hope the process goes quickly so u can be done with her !


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Face it, she didn't ever want to work on your marriage. Separation was just a way for her to build resentment for you while she experienced single life or continued an affair. And you better believe she's cheating unless you know for certain 100% proof positive other wise. 

Now she's trying to punish you for her feelings with her "Bulldog" lawyer so she doesn't have to accept responsibility for her wanting to end your marriage and for her finding sexual interests in others. Not that she is, but this is often the case..... "I have to be in love to have sex, so I have to hate my husband in order to be ok with this".

Your best bet is to just agree to everything and go out of your way to avoid any conflict with her. I promise you if you do she will use that as ammo and make your life a living hell. No matter what you do you have to act like your ok with divorce and not try to fight her, try to seduce her, or try to manipulate her or you will only push her further away into someone else arms. 

If you want her back you absolutely have to avoid her at all costs or keep contact to a bare minum or EMAILS ONLY for at least EIGHT TO TWELVE WEEKS. This is so you can both let the dust settle and so you can regroup and get ready to face her in court. If you're smart you'll go to therapy and get a Rx for something to help you deal with stress, aslo avoid stimulants and watch clean up your diet. Those things will help you with stress until your brain calms down and this PTSD period ends in a couple months.

Until then try to get some good sleep each night and read up on some of the "after divorce" stories in your spare time. You may come to find she wasn't even worth marring in the first place once you pull the plug early on and enjoy your single time. If she is worth fighting for you'll find out the closer you get to divorce when her absolutley worse side comes out. That's how I found out! And that's when you'll also see if your marriage has been one sided all about her until she's done with you this whole time. 

Take care, and remember there are thousands of women who have been in your shows who would love a man like you!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I agree with others that this was her plan all along

Get yourself a shark of a lawyer to eat her bulldog


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> Face it, she didn't ever want to work on your marriage. Separation was just a way for her to build resentment for you while she experienced single life or continued an affair. And you better believe she's cheating unless you know for certain 100% proof positive other wise.
> 
> Now she's trying to punish you for her feelings with her "Bulldog" lawyer so she doesn't have to accept responsibility for her wanting to end your marriage and for her finding sexual interests in others. Not that she is, but this is often the case..... "I have to be in love to have sex, so I have to hate my husband in order to be ok with this".
> 
> ...


I agree with Nsweet. It's great advice here. One thing that I may suggest is, IF there are kids involved and you want custody of them, try not to use any prescribed antidepressants. She may use that against you in court, saying that you're not stable. JMO.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Good point!

You'll also do well to take advantage of character building projects at this time. Go volunteer and help others instead of staying inside in your head and worrying yourself to death. Not only will this help your anxiety but it will also help you in court because you'll radiate general warmth and honesty while your wife is trying her best to make you look bad. PLUS, this is the best way to ignore the hell out of your wife while actually being busy. 

Don't you worry about a thing, you're here at TAM now and us TAMmers will walk you through this every step of the way.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I agree with Nsweet. It's great advice here. One thing that I may suggest is, IF there are kids involved and you want custody of them, try not to use any prescribed antidepressants. She may use that against you in court, saying that you're not stable. JMO.


I don't exactly agree with the NO ANTIDEPRESSENTS rule there Left With 4.5. 

In the eyes of the law you can take some of the mild prescription antidepressants and still be qualified for custody. The only problems, and I've looked this up, come when you go to the doctor and tell him or her you are thinking about suicide or hurting someone else. That comment however meaningless at the time will be put in your file, and that file can be obtained by the courts of your wife tries to keep you from getting custody by seeking a temporary emergency restraining order from the court and telling them you're abusive with your children. I know it sucks by the laws really are stacked against men. 

HOWEVER, you can circle navigate those problems without going to the doctor by following a carefully layed out over the counter supplement plan..... Well, most can. I'm bipolar and cannot go of meds completely. To do this I recommend you first avoid caffeine, alcohol, chocolate, artificial sweeteners, and aspirin if you can. And NO, NONE, ZERO, ZIP, NINE, NO PORN!!!!! These can be easily abused and end up supercharging your brain with a quick dopamine rush then draining you when it's gone, along with murdering a good nights sleep. This is why I also strongly urge you to take something like 1g melatonin or valerian root extract to make damn sure you get between 8-10 hrs of sleep each night. 

Also, stress can drain you of vertain vitamins as well and I remember how exhausted I was. That's why I also say take some extra B-vitamins and zinc, and go ahead and eat some red meat if your diet allows. ALSO take extra calcium! You need to replenish the same menerals you would if you ran a marathon when you're chronically stressed and don't even try to exercise for the first few weeks. Buddy, I have a feeling your stomach is also in knots over this.... Don't worry about choking down food if you're not hungry either. You can fast 2 or 3 days and eat whenever you feel like it, but you still need sleep each night and a positive way to deal with stress on your own. I could tell you to go out and volunteer more, but let's not kid anybody.... You don't feel like yourself and it's perfectly ok to take a couple weeks off to get your head on straight. 

I'll be back to help you out when I can. Oh, and BTW I was also blindsighted during a separation while she "needed space" to "work on herself". She was NOT worth the effort I put in to make her happy and the thousands of dollars wasted flying back and forth to see her to reconcile. The ones that surprise you like this without offering any sort of "You are a great guy, but I don't want to be with you.... Let's not drag this out" closure rarely are.


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