# Women are more likely to cheat in their 40s. What's your intake on this



## Curious_Guy (Aug 21, 2013)

It has been said (on or off the internet) that women are more likely to cheat in their 40s since that's when they experience their sexual peaks. Also, that's when their husbands lose their sexual peak and are also busy. I've even heard something like, "Women cheat at this age cause they're not stressed with parenting anymore and are more confident, and they go out with friends, flirting with other guys while their husbands would be working 10-12 hour shifts while unknowingly paying for her indolent lifestyle."

Any married women here in their 30s/40s who want to DEFY because they actually have good sex with their husbands?

Any married men in their 30s/40s who want to DISPROVE this because their sex drive is STILL high?

Usually, I would think that in a marriage where both the spouses are in their 40s, the husband will be absolutely be thrilled that his wife's sex drive all of a sudden skyrocketed and now wants more sex than ever. (I know I'd be so thrilled haha.)


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Maybe this is just a Boston thing. 

I think there are pressures that occur during marriage at stages. This would be a statistical exercise no doubt. The trouble is getting actual real data on this.

I think you made bit of a case for 40s plus. One thing to consider is that in the 40s ones children are often going off on their own. So some women and men for that matter feel they have done their job. Some couples stay together for the kids whether this is conscious or not. We are talking empty nest syndome. We also throw in what some call MLC. It comes with an assessment of ones life and where it is headed. There are hormonal changes that indeed can have men and women acting like teens again. A lot of regrets and wanting to assert independence. There can be resentment. Peer presure and so on. Lots of complex things going on in addition to your point on sex drive. I do think sex drive does play into this. Many men have given up on their wives by this time and as you suggest have redirected their energies elsewhere. T levels are beginning to drop while some women are awakening.

A case could be made at each stage however and of course that is why we will find infidelity at all ages and stages. 

It is hard to digest this data as well as we are going through a huge revolution of changes in social bahvior period.

At what point does entitlement peak? Idunno.


But rather than just call cheaters bad people, I think one should analyze these tendencies in the light of dealing with marriage issues before people decide they are not having their needs met and straying. I am not justifying anyone but indeed one could start with His Needs Her Needs and get some real insight. There is more than sex going on. At what point do people fall into EAs?


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Curious_Guy said:


> It has been said (on or off the internet) that women are more likely to cheat in their 40s since that's when they experience their sexual peaks. Also, that's when their husbands lose their sexual peak and are also busy. I've even heard something like, "Women cheat at this age cause they're not stressed with parenting anymore and are more confident, and they go out with friends, flirting with other guys while their husbands would be working 10-12 hour shifts while unknowingly paying for her indolent lifestyle."
> 
> Any married women here in their 30s/40s who want to DEFY because they actually have good sex with their husbands?
> 
> ...


Hmmm, well I'm in my early 40s and I do feel like I'm finally getting more time to look after my health and pursue some interests outside the home. I do feel like I've figured myself out, and I do feel more confident and happy in general that I did when my kids were young and needed all my attention. 

But none of that has made me feel like I'm more likely to cheat. I turned to my husband when my libido skyrocketed, and he's embraced it quite happily. 

I dunno, maybe some women in their 40's do "wake up" to themselves, discover that they've neglected themselves and their relationships and turn to infidelity in a bid to not "lose out" any more. I can only think of one friend of mine who this might apply to, but rather than cheat, she divorced her husband because he wasn't interested in working on their marriage with her after 25 years. He just wanted it to go on as it had--with her putting herself dead last and making sure he and the kids were happy. 

Women have mid life crises, too. I don't think it leads them to cheat any more that it does men.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Curious_Guy said:


> It has been said (on or off the internet) that women are more likely to cheat in their 40s since that's when they experience their sexual peaks.


Do you have any sources for this statement? Links to articles or statistics?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Statistics are difficult to come by, and reliable statistics even harder.

A couple of things I found, which are related and interesting:

======================================

Younger people are more likely candidates [for infidelity]; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.

======================================

Table I: Infidelity Rates by Gender & Age

Adultery in Last 12 months Adultery Ever

Gender 
Men 4.7% 21.7% 
Women 2.3% 12.6% 

Age 
30-39 3.5% 14.7% 
*40-49 4.2% 19.8% *50-59 2.6% 20.0% 
Ave. 30-59 3.4% 

======================================


Throughout the life of nearly all relationships, there are four timetable events which can breed infidelity:
- After the First Year of Marriage.
- After the First Child is Born.
- The 5th to 7th Year.
- *Middle Age*.

======================================

A study done by Liu (2000) found that the likelihood for women to be involved in some type of infidelity reached a peak in the seventh year of their marriage and then declined afterwards; _whereas for married men, the longer they are in relationships the less likely they are to engage in infidelity_, *except during a critical point in the eighteenth year of marriage *where at that point the chance that men will engage in infidelity increases.

======================================

Also, from something I read elsewhere, women in their 40s are facing the last phase of their fertility before menopause, and nature has contrived to "push" them towards one more pregnancy. And the concept of maximizing genetic viability also means that their genetic legacy can be enhanced by having a child with someone else. Of course this seldom actually results in a pregnancy in modern times, but the urge apparently still exists instinctually. Make of this what you will. LOL


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I'm 48 and I have never cheated, and we have a pretty darned good sex life. There's things that could improve - we don't do it as often as I would like - but overall I am quite satisfied.

Cheating doesn't have to do with sex drive, it has to do with being an entitled selfish *******. My husband cheated on ME, and claimed our marriage was 'sexless' when he was on meet up sites and such. Meanwhile I was unhappy and had stifled my sex drive because we were only doing every week or two. Now that we're in R and have been great together for 3 years, the sex is far more satisfying.


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

Recently read an article of a workplace study that found that 63% of responders admitted to having had a sexual encounter with a coworker. Of those who had an encounter, 61% were married or their coworker was married. Age of the participants was not mentioned. With the divorce rate exceeding 50%, I think there is a whole lot of cheating going on by unhappy spouses of different ages.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I think articles and statistics like this are utterly, absolutely useless when you are talking about a specific couple. Lack of any sources completely aside. 

We have been together 25 years, are pushing 50, and have a robust sex life. Shrug. That isnt evidence of anything either in any meaningful sense.

===

_I've even heard something like, *"Women cheat at this age cause they're not stressed with parenting anymore and are more confident, and they go out with friends, flirting with other guys while their husbands would be working 10-12 hour shifts while unknowingly paying for her indolent lifestyle."*_

This is simply speculative ranting BS and storytelling. Nothing more. At least - that is my take on it. 

I heard someone say once that guys shoudnt get vasectomies because it will make them more likely to cheat. I'd lump these kinds of things all together in the trash bin. These are stories from people looking to bolster their position of justify a belief.


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## Curious_Guy (Aug 21, 2013)

Ahhhh your funny Entropy3000! :smthumbup:

Though it's understandable why SOME people choose to cheat, I still think it's wrong no matter what. (But that's just me. I believe they're being selfish just like what Hope1964 said). A marriage should be worked hard on and if one doesn't comply, divorce seems to be the right path.

Here are some sources: 

Why are so many married women having affairs? - Telegraph

Women In Their 40s Are Having Great Sex... Just Not With Their Husbands


I don't have one with statistics but Married but Happy took care of that. What do you think? Statistics are skewed? Do you believe cheating is actually more or less prevalent than the statistics?

Oh and you'll love this story: 

My Cheating Heart: lessons from my year on ****** ******* | torontolife.com

And here's some people's opinions on this situation:

Female middle-age cheating? (marriages, woman, love, husband) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - Page 2 - City-Data Forum

^ A guy here posts, "The kids grow up and get their drivers licenses and, suddenly, the woman thinks she has little purpose. She hangs out with her other friends, then they start to carp about their husbands. Little resentments start to get magnified and, before you know it, they all sit around and validate one another, while the unsuspecting husbands are putting in 10- and 12-hour days to pay for their indolent lifestyles. Girls trips to the beach start to get organized. They start flirting with guys when out of town. One woman has too much to drink and steps over the line. Then another tries it. Soon, they're all going out of town to get laid and cover for each other in the process."

This guy does have a point, no? Of course, this is not towards all women. (And men).


And for those like GettingIt who's in their 40s and enjoying their sex life with their husbands, congrats! (GettingIt, your username seems accurate lol).

Edit: I do agree that articles are BS like what anotherguy said, but this is just a topic I started cause I want to see what others think of people in this situation.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> There is more than sex going on.


:iagree:


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Curious_Guy said:


> ...^ A guy here posts, "The kids grow up and get their drivers licenses and, suddenly, the woman thinks she has little purpose. She hangs out with her other friends, then they start to carp about their husbands. Little resentments start to get magnified and, before you know it, they all sit around and validate one another, while the unsuspecting husbands are putting in 10- and 12-hour days to pay for their indolent lifestyles. Girls trips to the beach start to get organized. They start flirting with guys when out of town. One woman has too much to drink and steps over the line. Then another tries it. Soon, they're all going out of town to get laid and cover for each other in the process...."


Storytelling. 

Let me ask you a question... do YOU know anyone that acts like this?


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Curious_Guy said:


> Here are some sources:


chuckle. Total fluff. 

My belief is that people (M & F).. because of changes in (some) societies may feel they have more liberty to divorce. They may feel more liberty to not feel trapped in a marriage. They certainly travel and are exposed to a broader swath of people and potential partners than ever before and that in itself creates opportunity. Its not good or bad.. it just is.

I think as people gain empowerment through education and life experience - they are also more likely to self-report cheating etc.

I dont think there are any gigantic sea-changes in people really, how they relate, how happy they are in marriages, or how miserable. I'm not so ready to draw a direct line from any increase in the divorce rate to a supposed decrease in marriage happiness or happiness overall ( http://www.worldvaluessurvey.org/wvs/articles/folder_published/article_base_106 )

Crap, I had a point to make and now I lost it...I must be getting senile. I think it had something to do with trying to make predictions on a persons liklihood to cheat based on a a couple small data points like age and sex. It is pretty much pointless. Tell me about your relationship and then we may have something to discuss.. know what I mean?


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## Curious_Guy (Aug 21, 2013)

anotherguy said:


> Storytelling.
> 
> Let me ask you a question... do YOU know anyone that acts like this?


I don't actually. (Btw congrats on your sex life).

I'm just a college student who's curious on topics like these. (Hence my username).

Edit: Prove it's fluff! Oh and I actually do have a friend my age who's mother cheated recently. Don't know detail by detail about it but clearly my friend didn't take it well.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Curious_Guy said:


> I don't actually. (Btw congrats on your sex life).
> 
> ...Oh and I actually do have a friend my age who's mother cheated recently. Don't know detail by detail about it but clearly my friend didn't take it well.


College - an awesome time! I bet they have some groovy sociology classes that might delve into this. 

Anyway - so your friends mom cheated. Sorry about that. Do you think you could take anything form that and forcast your own future with it? Think you see signs that women are more likely to cheat because of this example?

My guess is no, and no?


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Speaking from personal experience, my sex drive increased when I entered my 40's. Aren't men supposed to decrease? I'm hornier now than when I was 30, and I'm in my late 40's. Still waiting for my wife's libido to catch up. It's great when we're not home. It's like she's 25 again. But at home, pretty stagnant. And as for cheating, no thanks. That goes for both of us. I don't have the time or the energy. And she's was a stay at home mom while our kids were all growing up. I saw first hand, on occasion, what that entailed. No thanks, she can have that job. I used to joke with her that if she could find the time or the energy to have an affair, more power to her.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

It makes sense to me. I'm in this age range and am hitting the testosterone surge that some women get prior to menopause. I'm noticing other men more and also men Ive never noticed before - like young men. Icky young, like 20 years younger than me. I'm noticing women - I cant say its not in a sexual way because it is. The funny thing is that I'm attracted to myself when I notice women. That is to say I notice fullish figured brunettes with a pin up type look - that is how I look.

And yes, my husbands sex drive is slowing down. 

I also think people realize their time to jump ship is running out. In your 40s you can be single and be somewhat assured you have time to find a more suitable mate. If you've been putting up with a b.s. situation for over 15 years you may decide its time to cut losses. Women my age are discussing these things.

Having said all that - infidelity is a choice I wont make. My husband is a good man, I plan to be with him. My friends and I joke about knowing how teenage boys feel but nobody is screwing anyone but their husbands.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Curious_Guy said:


> It has been said (on or off the internet) that women are more likely to cheat in their 40s since that's when they experience their sexual peaks. Also, that's when their husbands lose their sexual peak and are also busy.


 I will be blatantly honest here.. When My sex drive sky rocketed at age 42, I felt like I had a sudden *sex addiction*....even started posting on a addiction forum about it.. they told me I was OK.... ha ha ...Then I found TAM, needed something to sink my teeth into so I wouldn't be attacking him 3 times a day. 

IN my case....I did turn ALL Of this heightened passion & sexual FURY upon my dear husband...he wasn't sure what came over me...never thought he'd see the day....but he was holding on for the ride.... he couldn't keep up, my 1st reaction was..."what the hell is wrong with you ?(in a half joking way of course) saying "This is what you always wanted , isn't it?"... 

I started to question his *DESIRE* for me, I was wanting him to be more aggressive .... sent him off to get his Testosterone checked (learned it was on the lower side of normal ...Doc said at age 45 his levels were normal for a 60 yr old man but no therapy, not low enough).. I worried over this comment for MONTHS... started reading about TEST.... and for some men those levels are normal FOR THEM, (he's always been a pretty CALM guy anyway)...and it may not be a concern (I feel he falls into that category)....

BUt I was wanting it bad.. .along with this came endless sexual fantasies... flirting became my new language and honesty, I found myself undressing every good looking man I seen out in public... My mind seemed Hi-jacked..I could now relate to why men do this ! 

I never hid any of this from my husband, he found it rather amusing..... I felt like a raging hormonal 20 yr old STUD, the confidence came over me like nothing I'd ever felt and every inhibition I ever had flew out the window...I was the one taking the lead in the bedroom & enjoying it to the hilts....I was on a "lingerie kick" for a time... I read all about how to please a man , started renting porn.... we had A LOT of FUN!....

He was so GOOD to me during this phase....he will forever be my HERO... never pushed me away....we had our greatest sexual growth & discovery born out of my "Sexual awakening"...he even told me to put my toys away & come to him (1st time I ever bought any in my life- trying to leave him alone)..when he said this to me, I think I cried, I was so thankful how he dealt with me.. I had amazing compassion on all HIGH DRIVERS on TAM when I landed here , defending them - because of how this experience opened my eyes...

That hormonal surge of mine lasted 8 full months, didn't need a drop of foreplay, I was ready to JUMP.... 



> I've even heard something like, "Women cheat at this age cause they're not stressed with parenting anymore and are more confident, *and they go out with friends, flirting with other guys while their husbands would be working 10-12 hour shifts while unknowingly paying for her indolent lifestyle*."


 I never cared to do these things, I've always loved doing everything with my husband/ he's my best friend.... this never stopped during that time... Girls night out never appealed to me. We did go with friends to a Strip Club for a time... he'd get 1 lap dance every visit... so in my Sex craze, I was pretty open to erotica...he might as well have some fun too.... I can share. In our youth, we were very conservative, so this was our little WILD SPELL.... we did it all together, and we had FUN.. .no regrets. It was some "spicing". 



> Any married women here in their 30s/40s who want to DEFY because they actually have good sex with their husbands?


 Not sure what you mean exactly ... but all I just described was 4 yrs ago, we are still going strong, even though the hormones have died down considerably... still having sex 4-5 times a week. Our 40's have been our best years yet as far as Rocking & rolling. Wish this frenzy happened to me when I was in my 20's.... darn!



> Usually, I would think that in a marriage where both the spouses are in their 40s, *the husband will be absolutely be thrilled that his wife's sex drive all of a sudden skyrocketed and now wants more sex than ever.* (I know I'd be so thrilled haha.)


 My husband WAS thrilled but I did cause him some *performance pressure* and we had to wade through that as well.. I'll never forget the morning... we had sex the night before, and I said to him the next morning... just take me , I didn't think I could orgasm again..... and he stopped... he looked sad...almost a tear in his eye.. he asked if I was slowing down.. I realized.. MY GOD, He really does LOVE me this way... that spoke it all. 

One more note on this.. a relative we know did go WILD in her 40's, the husband didn't want to go dancing with her, she fell into an affair with a drummer, they had 3 kids, the marriage ended, the drummer didn't last. Her spike, her crisis, I believe so !

Another lady this one I found on a christian forum....she confided in me... she was Mrs conservative, when this hit her at age 40... she came alive, got bored with her husband, flirting online, she had a ONS.. she wrote to me about it...how it was everything she dreamed it would be... she got it out of her system...and now she can move on... this stuff REALLY DOES HAPPEN TO SOME WOMEN... I believe it... 

Had my husband refused me, made me feel like a BURDEN during this crazy spell when I feel I needed him most....I do believe it could have wrecked our marriage...


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## Curious_Guy (Aug 21, 2013)

anotherguy said:


> College - an awesome time! I bet they have some groovy sociology classes that might delve into this.
> 
> Anyway - so your friends mom cheated. Sorry about that. Do you think you could take anything form that and forcast your own future with it? Think you see signs that women are more likely to cheat because of this example?
> 
> My guess is no, and no?


Wow wow fella! I've made it clear in another thread that a marriage with infidelity is something I want to steer clear of. Just because I started a thread of women cheating doesn't mean I think they're serial cheaters bud!!! 

(Speaking like a typical college boy  :smthumbup [I mean no harm.]

I think that women are just as likely to cheat (or not cheat) as men. This is just a topic I want to look in to.

Edit: SimplyAmorous you are clearly blessed.


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## Curious_Guy (Aug 21, 2013)

anotherguy said:


> Crap, I had a point to make and now I lost it...I must be getting senile. I think it had something to do with trying to make predictions on a persons liklihood to cheat based on a a couple small data points like age and sex. It is pretty much pointless. Tell me about your relationship and then we may have something to discuss.. know what I mean?


Yeah I feel you.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Different people, different stories. 

Before I reached my sex peak, I already had a high sex drive. 

When I reached my sex peak at 37 years old, the only man I was thinking all day was my husband. I was attacking him morning, noon, and night, three times a day, and he is sure happy to have experienced that with me. 

My husband is 4 years younger than me, and we work over 20 hours a week, no children, so we have energy and time to do whatever we want. 

I am going to be 40 in a few days, I am quite content and happy with my husband. I am not interested in seeking anything from other men. 

Maybe for a woman, if she is emotionally and physically happy with her husband, she will not think about straying. It is true with me.


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## LoveBeingFemale (Nov 5, 2012)

My guess is that people will cheat whether they are in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. if they want to cheat.

I'm on the downhill side of 40, and yes, I also went through the surge in my early 40s--my husband loved it! Since he didn't work that far from home, I just called him and he was home in no time flat--kind of like a J*mmy J*ohn's driver--freaky fast.  He wanted to build a bigger shower. It was fun while it lasted!!

Many of us in our 40s are still quite busy raising children. I've got them in high school down to elementary school. I have no desire to cheat, absolutely none. I don't know where people even find the time.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> Maybe for a woman,* if she is emotionally and physically happy with her husband, she will not think about straying. It is true with me.*


I very much agree with this... as for me, I have always been very very happy in my marriage from day one (Physically & emotionally I couldn't ask for more....I would even say I am spoiled)... the only down times we've ever had were "external" (not being able to conceive)...

He's always been *my ROCK*... I've always known ANYTHING that came our way, we'd get through it together...never a doubt here... he'd give me all he had... I'd be the biggest fool alive to leave a man like that...

Even if he lost his ability to get it up, he'd get a PUMP & we'd blow it up ! Viagra & "Stiff Nights" gave him a little needed boost during that Wild Phase....what a blessing ~ so happy we live today!

He hasn't needed to pop any of that in about a year now. Our drives are nearly equal....so this does "calm down" after a time.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I very much agree with this... as for me, I have always been very very happy in my marriage from day one (Physically & emotionally I couldn't ask for more....I would even say I am spoiled)... the only down times we've ever had were "external" (not being able to conceive)...
> 
> He's always been *my ROCK*... I've always known ANYTHING that came our way, we'd get through it together...never a doubt here... he'd give me all he had... I'd be the biggest fool alive to leave a man like that...
> 
> ...




My peak only lasted a year. It was great, but I sure don't want myself to want sex three times a day. It was disturbing and distracting. 

It's nice to have a husband who provides you whatever you need. You are sure blessed to have a wonderful husband like that. I am blessed too.  We would be stupid if we don't cherish our husbands. I am doing my best to be a good wife to show him that he is being very appreciated.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> My peak only lasted a year. It was great,* but I sure don't want myself to want sex three times a day. It was disturbing and distracting. *


 I was LOVING it - but it was what I termed "*tormenting*" at the same time....I would cause fights with him if I thought he didn't desire me, never had PMS before, but I noticed this would happen around that time, I got real "sensitive" to his wanting me...

I could hardly sleep, I would lay there watching the clock salivating for morning so I could Jump him...this has to sound ridiculous...

I entertained maybe I was coming into Bi-polar with "Hypersexuality" ... I was looking that up...the way I felt kinda FIT... I LIVED around his ability to "give it to me"... I catered to his every need. 

I am happy I experienced this though... I know the way I describe it sounds a little CRAZY







.... I was embarrassed to speak that freely about it when I landed here... then slowly...surely...after hearing countless women who've also experienced it... I knew I was "normal".... not bi-polar or had a sex addiction. 

Though I know I'll never be the same... but that's a good thing!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I could hardly sleep, I would lay there watching the clock salivating for morning so I could Jump him...this has to sound ridiculous...


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: A HUNGRY TIGRESS!!!

I thought I had sex addiction too, I wanted to go see a doctor, but my husband told me just to enjoy it. He likes to see me horny all the time. 

My sex desire has dropped too. Now I notice that it is difficult for me to get horny. I am not an on machine anymore. I need my husband to give me longer foreplay. Or I have to watch porn or read erotica to get horny. 

I sure miss those younger years when I could just turn on right away.


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

who needs to wait till they are 40 for this stuff people need to realise if your not happy don't expect anyone to fix you but yourself if you are a guy and want more sex get more do what it takes if it means working out everyday so you partner finds you more attractive or if they are just LD/ND and don't want a bar of it decide stay or go and same goes for women too many people are co-dependent these days they are scared of being by themselves


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Holland said:


> *IMO cheaters are a particular, low life type of person and age is irrelevant.*


*Primarily because they have largely developed into an individual without conscience, and are strictly self-serving!*


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

There is this thing called a "mid-life crisis" and that people can get to their 40's, look in the mirror and think "there has to be more then this....I got married, I had the kids and now its all down hill from here....." It does have a dramatic and destructive effect for some people and cheating can be part of it.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

*Re: Re: Women are more likely to cheat in their 40s. What's your intake on this*



aeasty said:


> who needs to wait till they are 40 for this stuff people need to realise if your not happy don't expect anyone to fix you but yourself if you are a guy and want more sex get more do what it takes if it means working out everyday so you partner finds you more attractive or if they are just LD/ND and don't want a bar of it decide stay or go and same goes for women too many people are co-dependent these days they are scared of being by themselves


actually, some of us GENUINELY love our spouses, and have fantastic relationships outside the sexual incompatibility. I think it's far more honorable to take your vows seriously, and look for a way to fix it, than to just jump ship. however, 
in cases where the relationship is bad all over, and sex is used as a manipulative tool, I do agree with you.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

This is an interesting topic and one that I would have glossed over a few years ago thinking nothing of it. Interestingly enough I was self employed for the bulk of my 40's and insulated from much of the drama I was exposed to when I was a corporate robot.

Upon reentering the 9-5 world I was amazed at how many men and women my age were struggling with their relationships. Then friends of mine began coming out of the woodwork and confiding in me regarding their relationships and the challenges they were having.

I think so many of us become complacent and let the everyday mundane take over our lives. Unfortunately one day we are rudely awakened and realize we have been neglecting our most important relationship with our spouse. Sometimes it is all too late. 

Middle age is a time of transition in so many different ways and if you take your relationship for granted you could be in for some great sorrow.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Unless women were done having children in their early 20s the probability of having kids in the house at 40-45 or later is high...

My experience is this, living in a very wealthy city... Women here have kids later so even at late 40s they're still parenting teenagers. At that age hubbies may begin to explore other, ehem, options, esp if the women have turned LD or are not interested, or work like crazy, get the bmw's and all that. You see many women do a mad rush to cosmetic doctors and such and gyms in order to, ehem, stay presentable and avoid being traded in for a more youthful woman. Some even take clues from their teenager daughters...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I will be blatantly honest here.. When My sex drive sky rocketed at age 42, I felt like I had a sudden *sex addiction*....even started posting on a addiction forum about it.. they told me I was OK.... ha ha ...Then I found TAM, needed something to sink my teeth into so I wouldn't be attacking him 3 times a day.
> 
> IN my case....I did turn ALL Of this heightened passion & sexual FURY upon my dear husband...he wasn't sure what came over me...never thought he'd see the day....but he was holding on for the ride.... he couldn't keep up, my 1st reaction was..."what the hell is wrong with you ?(in a half joking way of course) saying "This is what you always wanted , isn't it?"...


This^^^ is the stage my wife is now at age 46.
Her engines always seem to be revving and ready to go, even if it is several times a day.

I can only imagine if our relationship and communication was not good, how she would have felt and what might have happened.

Therein lies the temptation to cheat.

It's quite ok to say that people who cheat are lowlifes etc.
But every case is different , and sometimes even the strongest swimmer drown when the " perfect storm" creates a rogue wave and everything comes crashing in.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> chuckle. Total fluff.
> 
> My belief is that people (M & F).. because of changes in (some) societies may feel they have more liberty to divorce. They may feel more liberty to not feel trapped in a marriage. They certainly travel and are exposed to a broader swath of people and potential partners than ever before and that in itself creates opportunity. Its not good or bad.. it just is.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

A more scholarly view from _American Sexual Behavior:
Trends, Socio-Demographic Differences, and Risk Behavior_ (2006):

"There are probably more scientifically worthless "facts" on extra-marital relations than on any other facet of human behavior. Popular magazines (e.g. Redbook, Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan), advice columnists (Dear Abby and Dr. Joyce Brothers), pop-sexologists (e.g. Morton Hunt and Shere Hite) have all conducted or reported on "studies" of extra-marital relations. These studies typically find extremely high level of extra-marital activity (Reinisch, Sanders, Ziemba-Davis, 1988; Smith, 1989; Smith, 1991b; and Gibbs, Hamil, and Magruder-Habib, 1991). Hite for example reported that 70% of women married five or more years "are having sex outside of their marriage (Smith, 1988)." They also often claim that extra-marital relations have become much more common over time. Dr. Brothers (1990), for example, claims that 50% of married women now have sex outside of marriage, double the level of a generation ago.

"But representative, scientific surveys (Choi, Catania, and Dolcini, 1994; Forste and Tanfer, 1996; Greeley, 1994; Greeley, Michael, and Smith, 1990; Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, and Michaels, 1994; Leigh, Temple, and Trocki, 1993; Tanfer, 1994; Treas and Giesen, 1996; 2000) indicate that extramarital relations are less prevalent than pop and pseudo-scientific accounts contend."

American Sexual Behavior: Trends, Socio-Demographic Differences ... - PDF


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

john117 said:


> Unless women were done having children in their early 20s the probability of having kids in the house at 40-45 or later is high...
> 
> My experience is this, living in a very wealthy city... Women here have kids later so even at late 40s they're still parenting teenagers. At that age hubbies may begin to explore other, ehem, options, esp if the women have turned LD or are not interested, or work like crazy, get the bmw's and all that. You see many women do a mad rush to cosmetic doctors and such and gyms in order to, ehem, stay presentable and avoid being traded in for a more youthful woman. Some even take clues from their teenager daughters...


 We have half dozen kids... (one a 2 yr old when I hit my peak... .... I remember thinking.. I just want to run off with him, and ditch the kids.....so we took a # of Romantic vacations.....something we neglected for years....our lives were too much wrapped up in the kids.... 

It's like everything I was "taking for granted" came over me like a flood....I wanted to go back in time in the worst way and relive it all....so all we had was the HERE & NOW....So we ENJOYED...we planned...we DID... He engaged me every step of the way....it was Exhilarating...We made NEW memories...and this phase marked a new chapter in our marriage... 

If a woman has a sexual Mid life crisis like I did.....let's just hope she Is in love with her husband & he is up for this.. if not... yeah.. I can see BIG BIG BIG problems with this scenario! 



> *Caribbean Man said*: I can only imagine if our relationship and communication was not good, how she would have felt and what might have happened.
> 
> *Therein lies the temptation to cheat. *
> 
> ...


 Couldn't agree with you more on what you say here.... Communication is paramount...and offering our spouses a GIVING / understanding attitude towards what they are going through....NOT shutting each other out.....listening deeply, asking questions even.....and doing what we can.....if too much resentment has built up over the years... walls have gone up and a woman hits THIS PHASE suddenly...Something's gotta give! 

I had a tremendous amount of remorse over realizing how my husband suffered in our past due to NOT understanding the male sex drive (Till THIS hit me)....... I was almost MAD at him for not opening up to me.....he was more passive than I will ever understand ...(I am not geared this way..I would explode like a rocket before being silent when I am hurting)...... He did allow some resentment to come in...None of this should have ever been. 

I think men get the rotten end of the stick here... being HIGH DRIVE in their 20's when women aren't getting it...feeling antsy like that.....and many men just aren't that good at expressing their emotions here ....More education needs given to women about this , in my opinion... NOT ONE WOMAN IN MY LIFE EVER talked to me about being careful to give my man lots of sexual pleasure in his Prime as someday the tables would be turned on me! 

He tried ONCE to talk to me ...and I misunderstood him cause he never used the word ...he said he wanted to "hold me" more at night...I took it all wrong... this could have all been avoided... Communication needs to get the  of what is really hurting us, stirring us, what we NEED ...so resentment doesn't get a grip....deliver it as loving as possible and make sure they GET IT....and hopefully they CARE. It will always take 2... 

*When it comes to cheating*.. the *INTEGRITY *of the person is huge.. I do feel even GOOD people can fall into temptation during a Perfect STORM though....too many boast... ."Oh it could NEVER happen to me" (even I wouldn't say this)...then WHAM... they eat those words..... but those with integrity will fess up... and do the RIGHT THING, they won't be able to look at themselves in the mirror living a lie... They will throw themselves at the mercy of the one they hurt..and take the consequences...


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Im turning 37 years old this December sooo i guess i directly fall into this demographics of cheating women but honestly i would never risk what i have with my husband , children and home for what ...... half hour to an hour at best of sex?!?

Even if its the most mind blowing hour of f**king in my life ...... the second its over i know i would be kicking myself in the ass :scratchhead: and would without a doubt regret it!!


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I believe that every human could cheat under the right set of circumstances. 

Instead of this being a pessimistic view, though, I find it romantic. I like to acknowledge that there is a choice. To ignore it is there is also to ignore the beauty of fidelity. If this person chooses to be with me even though they could find someone to see behind my back - that is a gift that should be recognized.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I'm not sure how I feel about these statistics. There just isn't enough surrounding data. Are these people unhappy with their relationships in addition to being horny? Also, was their an EA prior to the PA? I guess I just don't believe that being high drive is enough for a man or woman to stray. 

There has to be other factors at play in my opinion to increase the risk factors, like alcohol, GNO, and twerking. Totally kidding folks.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

An older man told me once: stay in shape, and in 15 years you'll be getting action like you don't believe it. People knew even without the scientific evidence.

I've always looked forward to 30s-40s: less competition, you know what you want and have confidence to achieve it, plus less constrained finances. And I catch women's looks more often than ever in my early 20s. It may not be 100% attributable to women's getting hornier with age, but it must be a factor.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I will be blatantly honest here.. When My sex drive sky rocketed at age 42, I felt like I had a sudden *sex addiction*....even started posting on a addiction forum about it.. they told me I was OK.... ha ha ...Then I found TAM, needed something to sink my teeth into so I wouldn't be attacking him 3 times a day.
> 
> IN my case....I did turn ALL Of this heightened passion & sexual FURY upon my dear husband...he wasn't sure what came over me...never thought he'd see the day....but he was holding on for the ride.... he couldn't keep up, my 1st reaction was..."what the hell is wrong with you ?(in a half joking way of course) saying "This is what you always wanted , isn't it?"...
> 
> ...


love this post...youve restored a little of my hope in marriage and marriage sex...kudos to you for your honesty and your husband for how he handled it...


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

The sex drive in women is a tricky thing.

I was married for 15 years and H was HD and I was LD. Of course it's a bit hard to tell because he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive (later diagnosed NPD) so it could be I had no interest in being intimate with an azzhole. Yet I never cheated. One could potentially argue an EA as I relied on long distance emotional support on occasion from a male friend as I was waffling on leaving but nothing ever came of it and we're still good acquaintances and he is now remarried. 

Divorced at 35 I was interested and dated some but not wild by any stretch. Since I was limited to every other weekend dating due to custody, again it's hard to tell what my drive was.

Now at 45 I still don't know; my relationships have been sporadic and under a year. I was VERY interested in the last guy and very attracted to him and I suspect my drive was higher than his or it could be due to his not being completely over his STBX at the time (who cheated on him).

So throughout all of those phases my drive has fluctuated but it seems to be tied emotionally to the person and how I feel about them more than my physical parts. And even in the worst parts of my marriage I never cheated or considered cheating and I've never been cheated ON.

Statistics are just that. It's all about the individual person and specific relationship.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> ...it could be I had no interest in being intimate with an azzhole.


Hey, wait, Mrs. thunderstruck, is that you? :scratchhead:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Hey, wait, Mrs. thunderstruck, is that you? :scratchhead:


No (seeing as you're still married and I've been divorced for 10 years LOL). But I'm pretty sure that, universally, women don't enjoy sex with men who demean, belittle and assault them.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Enj - sorry if my poor attempt at humor offended you. I wasn't making fun of your situation...absolutely nothing to laugh about there. 

I was goofing on myself. :toast:


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I am reminded of a discussion I was having with my wife when I thought she was cheating and asked her outright. She laughed it off and stated she would never do that. I reminded her of all the people we knew that "would never do that" and admonished her a bit. "If you are in the wrong place at the right time with the wrong person then you can absolutely stray". She thought about this for about 5 seconds and said your'e right.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Enj - sorry if my poor attempt at humor offended you. I wasn't making fun of your situation...absolutely nothing to laugh about there.
> 
> I was goofing on myself. :toast:


It didn't offend me. I thought that quote made you wonder if your wife was online.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Because women tend to hit their sexual peak at 40. I don't know. I know I hit mine at 30 and 5 years later still going strong. However my husband doesn't take care of business. 

I can't say that I haven't thought about cheating, I have and did (EA) but I decided it was not for me.. It wasn't worth it. Cheating is not who I am.

Everyone is capable of doing it. It is a choice we make to do it or not...


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Curious_Guy said:


> It has been said (on or off the internet) that women are more likely to cheat in their 40s since that's when they experience their sexual peaks. Also, that's when their husbands lose their sexual peak and are also busy. I've even heard something like, "Women cheat at this age cause they're not stressed with parenting anymore and are more confident, and they go out with friends, flirting with other guys while their husbands would be working 10-12 hour shifts while unknowingly paying for her indolent lifestyle."
> 
> Any married women here in their 30s/40s who want to DEFY because they actually have good sex with their husbands?
> 
> ...


Too many stereotypes in your post 

When it comes to sex I NOR ANY OF MY MARRIED GUY FRIENDS have ever had more sex then we did in college. College was freaky crazy!! My wife never hit any super stage of sex me all the time maybe for 6 months a few years back. The older we get the less we have sex and if you look at stats sex in marriage decreases with age. There is no magic switch it's more role reversal and even then it's exaggerated.

I think women are no different then men in regards to age. Marriages are hard and get dull, lust and excitement wane, and life takes over. This happens to everyone and you have to fight to keep it fun and fresh. Trying doesn't mean it will happen either!! Skidmarks in underwear, finances, resentments, years of ebb/flow can take the fire out of a marriage.

Add weight gain, laziness, drinking, boredom, selfish acts, kids, and family and marriage can get really hard. 

Throw in a new face that seems fun flirty and is taking interest and people can start to question things. They look in the mirror and see life is passing them by. They feel mortal and being hunted feels good. There stereotypical empty nester type that you mentioned is a very real scenario too.

All of my neighbors are divorced! Most guys I know have had affairs at one point or another. All you can do is attempt to fireproof your marriage.

Have date nights, talk, fulfill dreams, embrace passions, plan, sacrifice for your spouse, and don't put yourself in sticky sistuations we all can stumble we are all vulnerable.

As far as hot sex at 40 we've been together for over 20 years! My wife and I like to joke about SEX, but the reality is our best years are behind us no reason to try to fool anyone. We are a 4-7x a month couple. We both travel for work a couple days gone, we have kids that are very involved, her cycle kills a couple of days, often we just end up crashing in each others arms. Sexually we've used every toy imaginable over the years spent at least $1200 on the best stuff. Rarely do we open the ole sex chest these days. I hate to sound deflated, but really we've done everything so many times it's more the kisses and holding that matters now. The sex is still good, but that unbridled bang till the sun comes up with blindfolds, toys, and liquor not so much of that anymore.

Now the biggest thing we relish is just making time for each other date night this weekend. Much needed


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

This topic is remarkably distressing to me. I don't even know if I want to marry again.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Vanguard said:


> This topic is remarkably distressing to me. I don't even know if I want to marry again.


I never marry again! If my wife passed or went crazy and we got a D I would be single and play no life partner for me.

With that said I love my life and my marriage!


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## CreekWalker (May 31, 2013)

....So, as a late thirtysomething woman, whose kids are all teens, one in college, I can tell you that this is a great time.

While I loved having little kids, I no longer:
~wipe noses
~tie shoes
~Have to drive them as much (licenses)
~amuse them 24-7
~make paper mache science projects
~put in a Disney Movie and distract them to get laid
~wish my husband would pick up some damned slack with maintaining the kids

But now that I have all this time, he doesn't. Because he golfs. Because he watches tv. Because he is so uninterested in me as a person he can't even listen to me tell him about important things, like what career I'm considering mastering in. 

For sure, he'll ***** that I didn't consult him if anything goes wrong. But...he's forty something now. So he says he's naturally less interested in sex, and the best years of his life are over. Note; I'm supposed to be over an affair he had where he left me and the kids. I'm supposed to be cool with him not fixing broken things around the house and I'm supposed to keep up with housework without basic necessities.

I'm supposed to be sexy and hot and thin and wear negligee and not be laying around in cozy pants right? but it's cool that his back hair is 3 inches long, and his gut is harder than his arm muscles ever were. But I'm supposed to be sexy so he'll f me right?

Amazingly though, if I go out without him I get hit on by hot guys. I am regularly told by men through work, that I'm the whole package; good looking and smart and funny. 

Funny...my husband doesn't think so. In his world, I'm a dishwasher and occasional body pillow and snore receptor. IF he even comes to bed. I actually had knee damage from him insisting on using me as a body pillow and hyperextending my knee.

So...as he spends more time and interest on his fantasy football league, I guess I might not feel so guilty finding something that interests me. Maybe that's dancing and enjoying myself and actually LIVING a bit.

Would I rather be doing that with him? Hell yes. But he DVR'd the new Duck Dynasty episode and has better **** to do.

All I can think about the sex thing is, he won. He really showed me right? He used to want it when the babies were little and I hadn't had a shower and I hadn't slept because I let him sleep. Now...all that crap is out of the way and I want it. I have time to look pretty and be ready for sex and he can say "ha ha! Now I get to turn YOU down!!!!" So, congrats ashole. Congrats. You won. 

Now excuse me while I go on a weekend getaway with girlfriends.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

CreekWalker said:


> ....So, as a late thirtysomething woman, whose kids are all teens, one in college, I can tell you that this is a great time.
> 
> While I loved having little kids, I no longer:
> ~wipe noses
> ...


All I've got to say to this post is, enjoy the h*ll out of those weekend getaways because you deserved it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Curious_Guy said:


> It has been said (on or off the internet) that women are more likely to cheat in their 40s since that's when they experience their sexual peaks. Also, that's when their husbands lose their sexual peak and are also busy. I've even heard something like, "Women cheat at this age cause they're not stressed with parenting anymore and are more confident, and they go out with friends, flirting with other guys while their husbands would be working 10-12 hour shifts while unknowingly paying for her indolent lifestyle."
> 
> Any married women here in their 30s/40s who want to DEFY because they actually have good sex with their husbands?
> 
> ...



I think age is irrelevant.

If someone has a high sex drive, they always will and want it often whether they're in their 20's or 40's, etc.

If they have a low sex drive, that's the way they will unfortunately be.

Will someone more than likely cheat in their 40's, the ladies? If they are high sex drive and adventurous and their hubby is LD, there is a good chance of that, but not just in their 40's. Same thing goes for the men.

If I were to remarry, I would find a woman with an honestly high and adventurous sex drive, that is fit and dresses sexy and takes the initiative, anywhere, anyplace and anytime she is in the mood with me. Neither of us would be I'm not in the mood or gross, not happening. We would want to try all sexual things together and exercise staying fit as well.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

CreekWalker said:


> "ha ha! Now I get to turn YOU down!!!!" So, congrats ashole. Congrats. You won.


I can see myself in this scenario, except that the period I'm often tempted to avenge is pre-baby.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Both wife and I are in our mid-40s. My sex drive went from high to overdrive once I began testosterone replacement therapy. Her drive went from pretty good before children to nil to making a respectable comeback the last year and change. 

Hope your study/theory is wrong. I would dump her in a second if she stepped out on me.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

40isthenew20 said:


> Both wife and I are in our mid-40s. My sex drive went from high to overdrive once I began testosterone replacement therapy. Her drive went from pretty good before children to nil to making a respectable comeback the last year and change.
> 
> Hope your study/theory is wrong. I would dump her in a second if she stepped out on me.


Funny TRT did nothing for me at all if that is your avatar pic I think we both no you are doing more of a blast or super physiological levels of T  what are you 250mg/T given IM weekly?

Any HGT, HCG, or aromidex added? Best of luck just messing with you.

Be carefull with BPH, Hematocrit, BP, and HDL numbers too.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

CreekWalker said:


> ....So, as a late thirtysomething woman, whose kids are all teens, one in college, I can tell you that this is a great time.
> 
> While I loved having little kids, I no longer:
> ~wipe noses
> ...


You guys could have always had it. When you don't have a lot of time for huge passion buildups you get short quickies. Both of you could get each other off in 10 minutes and you feel a whole lot better for days afterwards.

I don't agree with how he's "winning" now, it sounds pretty bad to me. This is something that happens in relationships, people want to "win" in the relationship and both lose.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Funny TRT did nothing for me at all if that is your avatar pic I think we both no you are doing more of a blast or super physiological levels of T  what are you 250mg/T given IM weekly?
> 
> Any HGT, HCG, or aromidex added? Best of luck just messing with you.
> 
> Be carefull with BPH, Hematocrit, BP, and HDL numbers too.


I'm not going to blow smoke up anyone's skirt & say that I only get what my doctor gives me. Sure, I use more of my own supply. Doing 250 mg Test Cyp 2 x a week plus either Deca or Equipoise 2 x a week total. 

I'm not sure what your diet and exercise routine are/were, but TRT by itself isn't going to be the miracle drug many expect. And especially if it's Androgel and the like. IM inj are the best way to go and you need to commit to a healthy lifestyle in conjunction with the TRT to get its full effects. 

Morning wood, spontaneous hard-ons and a libido higher than when I was 18 are the best side effects, worth the risk IMO.


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## Curious_Guy (Aug 21, 2013)

40isthenew20 said:


> Both wife and I are in our mid-40s. My sex drive went from high to overdrive once I began testosterone replacement therapy. Her drive went from pretty good before children to nil to making a respectable comeback the last year and change.
> 
> *Hope your study/theory is wrong. * I would dump her in a second if she stepped out on me.


Wow this is NOT my theory this is just based on what I've heard. And yeah good choice being cheated on has got to be the worse feeling especially for those who've been married for a long time.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Curious_Guy said:


> Wow this is NOT my theory this is just based on what I've heard. And yeah good choice being cheated on has got to be the worse feeling especially for those who've been married for a long time.


Got ya. My bad. Well, I hope what you heard is wrong. LOL


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