# Has a woman really ever said 'OK, get it over with'?



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

In another thread, someone said that about their wife not showing very much enthusiasm - I know my relationship has issues and we don't have sex anywhere near enough, but (subject to there not having been any recent resentments) if my OH started stroking my hair & nuzzling my neck I'd be over the moon; I might not want to 'present myself for sex' instantly, but I'd be up for it some time later after a bit more tactile stuff
Are some women REALLY that callous about saying OK take me but be quick about it??


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

madimoff said:


> In another thread, someone said that about their wife not showing very much enthusiasm - I know my relationship has issues and we don't have sex anywhere near enough, but (subject to there not having been any recent resentments) if my OH started stroking my hair & nuzzling my neck I'd be over the moon; I might not want to 'present myself for sex' instantly, but I'd be up for it some time later after a bit more tactile stuff
> Are some women REALLY that callous about saying OK take me but be quick about it??


I am totally in that situation. Some years ago, I started to think it was me, and that I might have let myself go. I am 6'5" and was at 270 lbs. I dropped down to 185lbs and really paid a lot of attention to my physical appearance. This did not do it, and it made no difference. 

In fact, there are women who will come right up to me while my W is right there and start flirting. I, for my part fell that there are many, many women in the world, but to me my W is THE woman and I have said as much. 
I do the things detailed in many of the pieces of advice here, so I make an effort to connect emotionally and intellectually with my W. Maybe it's something I am totally missing, but if it is, she isn't going to tell me, as I have asked and been scorned for wanting to talk about "feelings and relationships". I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will never get it right and just take care of things myself as I am still deeply in love with her and have been for 20+ years.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

madimoff said:


> In another thread, someone said that about their wife not showing very much enthusiasm - I know my relationship has issues and we don't have sex anywhere near enough, but (subject to there not having been any recent resentments) if my OH started stroking my hair & nuzzling my neck I'd be over the moon; I might not want to 'present myself for sex' instantly, but I'd be up for it some time later after a bit more tactile stuff
> Are some women REALLY that callous about saying OK take me but be quick about it??


Yes


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

madimoff said:


> In another thread, someone said that about their wife not showing very much enthusiasm - I know my relationship has issues and we don't have sex anywhere near enough, but (subject to there not having been any recent resentments) if my OH started stroking my hair & nuzzling my neck I'd be over the moon; I might not want to 'present myself for sex' instantly, but I'd be up for it some time later after a bit more tactile stuff
> Are some women REALLY that callous about saying OK take me but be quick about it??


Yep, I was. We were at a point where it seemed sex was all I was good for. I was still trying to be a good wife, but I felt used every time we had sex. My needs were clearly not important. 

In my attempt to still meet his needs while hoping he would eventually understand mine, I'd have sex with him twice a week. Once would be great, the other would be lazy. If I could have pulled two great sessions I would have. I just couldn't pretend I was into it more than once a week.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> Yep, I was. We were at a point where it seemed sex was all I was good for. I was still trying to be a good wife, but I felt used every time we had sex. My needs were clearly not important.
> 
> In my attempt to still meet his needs while hoping he would eventually understand mine, I'd have sex with him twice a week. Once would be great, the other would be lazy. If I could have pulled two great sessions I would have. I just couldn't pretend I was into it more than once a week.


Lol, I'd be happy with that


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife once said 'stop', got up, had a cigarette and made a phone call.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> My wife once said 'stop', got up, had a cigarette and made a phone call.


Lol, that sounds familiar.
I have had it where she started listing all the things she had to do around the house and how much she hates doing dishes right in the middle of what we were doing.
Better yet after she did the hand flapping and eye rolling, I said something like "Should I just stop?" And she said "just hurry up" and afterward she went right back on the computer that I guess I had managed to distract her from for 10 minutes.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well at least they have their time management down pat. I haven't checked but are any cigarette lighter powered bullet vibrators for the car? Why waste your morning commute?


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Well at least they have their time management down pat. I haven't checked but are any cigarette lighter powered bullet vibrators for the car? Why waste your morning commute?


I think that's going to be standard for 2012 model cars


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am sure there are men and women alike who are both that cold.

SPeaking from a woman's POV, women NEED emotions/romance in order to get revved up. It makes the experience sooo much better.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I am sure there are men and women alike who are both that cold.
> 
> SPeaking from a woman's POV, women NEED emotions/romance in order to get revved up. It makes the experience sooo much better.


I think you are totally right. And things like that did work for me before. I used to come home and grab her and dance in the kitchen and say "When was the last time we tangoed in Paris baby?" and dip and kiss her, or I would write her silly and serious love poems...This is now considered crap and a$$-ki$$ing.

I still love the woman, and she does have some great qualities, but I am sick and tired of the crappy sex...Hell, It was at one point where she would get drunk a few nights a week and she would want some but she would get sexually mean about some things, but now when I get her drunk I just can't get any at all.

The whole playing dumb "Well you need to initiate; how am I supposed to know you want to have sex?" thing is also just maddening. Duh! I am breathing and I think you are the sexiest woman alive! and my kissing and touching and trying have game, That's how you are supposed to know!!!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

But to be fair I've told my wife to just stop whatever the hell she thought she was doing. I'm not a starfish, it's not going to grow back you know. She didn't look as shocked as I thought she would.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I am sure there are men and women alike who are both that cold.
> 
> SPeaking from a woman's POV, women NEED emotions/romance in order to get revved up. It makes the experience sooo much better.


Of course; I know that - I'm a woman! It does make me wonder, though, what those of you having sex and making the chap 'get it over with' (or having done so in the past) were doing having sex with them - 
and that makes me ponder those people who say sex is (or should be) a given in *marriage* - not sure if for those of you who feel marriage is different from living together the same rule applies; is the 'get it over with' because you feel obliged morally, ethically, maybe even legally, to have sex therefore *if needs must* applies?
And if you don't find your husband sexually attractive, how does that square with loving him?


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## anon_4_now (Mar 23, 2011)

madimoff said:


> In another thread, someone said that about their wife not showing very much enthusiasm - I know my relationship has issues and we don't have sex anywhere near enough, but (subject to there not having been any recent resentments) if my OH started stroking my hair & nuzzling my neck I'd be over the moon; I might not want to 'present myself for sex' instantly, but I'd be up for it some time later after a bit more tactile stuff
> Are some women REALLY that callous about saying OK take me but be quick about it??


I've had this happen to me as well as worse.

I had gone down on her and her body was reacting in all the right ways and after about 5 minutes of thinking she was really into what I was doing, she asked "What do you want for dinner?" Other times, I have had "Think the kids are having fun at my parents?" and other WTF comments. 

When that happens, I simply stop, get up, get dressed and turn on the TV. I think I'd rather be told to "be quick about it" rather than find out that her mind is all over the place but completely not here.

_What makes me think she was getting into it? Let's start with moans. Her legs trembling as well as her breathing. Then her juices flow in a way that would replenish the Sahara. 50/50 chance her her hands grabbing the back of my head or not. That all told me that I was taking good care of her. Guess I was wrong._


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I was in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship. I was not attracted to this man at and I also witheld sex as a way to regain control over my life. He acted like he was my father, bossy and domineering. When I said no, he would badger me by calling me names or asking "Do you wanna be with me?". Sometimes I just lay there with my arms by my side. I'd often tell him to hurry up.
Seven years later, I have rebuilt most of my self esteem. I am married to a wonderful man and he is the lover of my life. Sometimes, I have so many O's it makes me cry with pleasure. Mr.G can take as long as he likes. ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ I am glad to hear you met a good guy after being with a bad seed.


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## Anooniemouse (May 5, 2010)

I'm wired such that sex by itself is considerably less important to me than affection. Combine the two, and I'm a fairly happy camper. What used to drive me nuts was when it came to do the part of it I really enjoyed, she would decide this was the moment to talk ... She was far too sensitive to criticism in the moment for the "shhh and go back to what you were doing" to work... 

None of that stuff fixes itself though.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Yep. A bad sign--she's not attracted or doesn't like your love making.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I have to say that's never happened to me but if it did I would go down on her until her head exploded, out of spite.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

anon_4_now said:


> I had gone down on her and her body was reacting in all the right ways and after about 5 minutes of thinking she was really into what I was doing, she asked "What do you want for dinner?" Other times, I have had "Think the kids are having fun at my parents?" and other WTF comments.
> 
> When that happens, I simply stop, get up, get dressed and turn on the TV. I think I'd rather be told to "be quick about it" rather than find out that her mind is all over the place but completely not here.


Been there, done that, my closet is full of t-shirts.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

anon_4_now said:


> I had gone down on her and her body was reacting in all the right ways and after about 5 minutes of thinking she was really into what I was doing, she asked "What do you want for dinner?" Other times, I have had "Think the kids are having fun at my parents?" and other WTF comments.
> 
> When that happens, I simply stop, get up, get dressed and turn on the TV. I think I'd rather be told to "be quick about it" rather than find out that her mind is all over the place but completely not here.
> [/i]


Okay, in the defense of women who really just can't.stop.thinking.all.the.time, it really is difficult to focus sometimes and yep, I've had a thousand and one completely irrelevant thoughts flying through my head in the moment. What on earth would provoke a woman to actually open her mouth and talk about it is beyond me. I mean, thinking about it is not always controllable, but bringing up dinner or the kids like it's a conversation? I've no idea... :scratchhead:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Yeah, mentioning his mother during sex is fraught with Freudian context.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

there's a Mishka Shubaly song and the intro is 

"This is about when you're layin in bed with the woman you love and you're lookin at her face I could just look at your face for a hundred years and never get sick of lookin at you. And she's thinkin I wonder what the new iPhone is really like..."


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## JLynnMann (Apr 6, 2011)

With my 1st husband, a resounding yes. Well maybe I didn't say it but I sure thought it and I'm certain it showed in my actions and body language although it never seemed to bother him. 
I can honestly say that sex bored me then. I never once climaxed with him in the 7 years I was with him and that definetly didn't help matters but there was also his controlling and abusive behavior. How can one be sexually turned on or connected in this environment? I don't think he much cared whether I enjoyed it or not as long as he finished... 

Now I am quite active sexually and find my hubby irresistible and he knows it! He goes out of his way to make certain that I finish always and that I get the maximim enjoyment each and every time. The thing that is quite exciting now is that we both get so much more into making love when we do things to please the other! That is what makes a huge difference with me! Plus I adore him.
I have realized that an emotional connection has to be there for me or I am not into it nor want it. I find my hubby extremely desireable and want him everyday at least once. If not more... And this is with 4 children and another on the way. Making that time to connect both physically and emotionally every day is the glue that binds us now.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Mike,
Before I make a comment that you might be inclined to reject, let me start with this: There are plenty of males who are higher than average on the "emotional expression" side and are completely heterosexual. Being a touchy/feely male has no correlation to your orientation. 

On the emotional/talk about your feelings side - she is more like a "typical male" and you are more like a typical female. And I recognize this because I am similar to you - with one exception. I recognized early in our marriage that if I was "less emotionally expressive" she became more emotionally expressive. And when I was more emotionally expressive, she became LESS emotionally expressive. 

Loosely speaking, the more I behave like a traditional "male" the more she behaves like a traditional "female". 

And the opposite is just as true: The more I behave like a "female" the more she behaves like a male. For many women, this dynamic KILLS their desire. Kills it dead. 

For me, emotional self control is simply something I have focused on and gotten proficient at. The alternative would have been an overbearing W and celibacy. Not an appealing combo to me. 



mr.miketastic said:


> I am totally in that situation. Some years ago, I started to think it was me, and that I might have let myself go. I am 6'5" and was at 270 lbs. I dropped down to 185lbs and really paid a lot of attention to my physical appearance. This did not do it, and it made no difference.
> 
> In fact, there are women who will come right up to me while my W is right there and start flirting. I, for my part fell that there are many, many women in the world, but to me my W is THE woman and I have said as much.
> I do the things detailed in many of the pieces of advice here, so I make an effort to connect emotionally and intellectually with my W. Maybe it's something I am totally missing, but if it is, she isn't going to tell me, as I have asked and been scorned for wanting to talk about "feelings and relationships". I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will never get it right and just take care of things myself as I am still deeply in love with her and have been for 20+ years.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Mike,
> Before I make a comment that you might be inclined to reject, let me start with this: There are plenty of males who are higher than average on the "emotional expression" side and are completely heterosexual. Being a touchy/feely male has no correlation to your orientation.
> 
> On the emotional/talk about your feelings side - she is more like a "typical male" and you are more like a typical female. And I recognize this because I am similar to you - with one exception. I recognized early in our marriage that if I was "less emotionally expressive" she became more emotionally expressive. And when I was more emotionally expressive, she became LESS emotionally expressive.
> ...


I dig actually. The last month or so, I have been concentrating on the now, and not on the then or when. I think my biggest issue was that I lost my center. Getting grounded really helped out a lot and things are moving slowly, but inexorably back to where they should be.

We did chat actually, and she actually starting owning her behavior over the last few years, and I owned up to mine so there is good progress.


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