# Odd behavior



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Well, it was last Friday when I told my husband that I knew about his half naked EA ******.....that I found her pics on his computer....

After a pretty snooty "Nothing with me in it" I went ahead and wrote him my Good-bye letter......and now he's been weirdly depressed and sad looking since Sunday....

Monday was his birthday and I gave him the signed divorce papers with his cake.....

Ever since he's in this weird mood....trying to be really nice and sweet (bought 2 cans of tomato soup because "I know you like it" :scratchhead: ) and when I didn't react with "Oh, that's so sweet of you" but a "Please, don't buy anything for me anymore !".....he goes back to depressed....

Oh, and I almost forgot....he's come back to trying to cuddle with me at night, but I pulled away.....hell no !!!!! No more !!!!!!

Today I got off work at 5 pm and didn't go home but straight to the gym and then a movie....

When I came home the boys were still up and my husband looked really shi**y.....

I asked what's wrong and he said "Nothing."  

I said "You're freaking me out, what's wrong ???" (his mom is really sick that's why I asked).....and he just said "Nothing, I just got a headache"....

Well, it turns out the boys have been fighting when I was gone, so I asked my oldest what daddy was doing when they were fighting....he said "Playing his computer game".

Yeah right, probably sexting away with his online skank and they were interupting.....

Anyway.....he's got his divorce papers, so why is he acting the way he is ???

Shouldn't he be shouting it from the rooftops and be dancing in the streets ???

Sorry, I am not getting up hopes or anything....no....I'm actually getting really pi**ed about that, because he wanted this so badly and now he's trying to make me feel bad, or what ???

I don't understand this odd behavior !!!!!!!

Any insight ???


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

So - he might be pissed because he didn't know where you were after work. Did you think to tell him you were headed to the gym and a movie?

I know I would be if my wife was supposed to be home at say - 5:30 pm and doesn't show up until 9...


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

No, I didn't....

He didn't ask, I didn't tell....

I gave him a dose of me not being there anymore and him having to take care of the kids from sun up to sun down....almost entirely by himself.....

And why would he care anyway.....he wants the divorce....I signed.....

Why do I owe him anything anymore ???

Besides....he wasn't pissed....he was.....depressed ?!?!?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I would recommend choosing certain nights that are your nights and not coming home. That's not to say you just "skip out" as that's irresponsible...but just tell him that since you have decided on the divorce, you've decided you will be taking Monday, Wednesday and Fridays nights (or Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...or whatever you like) as your own. He will have to make arrangements to care for the children (either himself or HE pays a sitter), as after work you have plans and will no longer be coming home. Part of the cost of no longer having you as his wife is that HE now will have to shoulder the responsibilities of being a part-time father. 

(He doesn't need to know that your "plans" are to go to the local coffee shop and read a book! Or hang at the city library. Or start a new exercise class.) 

Furthermore, I would suggest asking him when he will be moving out of the bedroom, as divorced people do not sleep together, much less cuddle or have sex. If you have a "guest bedroom" suggest that he move there this weekend and rent the room from you--or recommend that he make arrangements to move out as soon after Christmas as possible--preferably before New Years Eve as you have plans and they don't include him. 

(He does not need to know your plan is to drink wine, eat half a gallon of ice cream and watch a chick flick! LOL)

Rome2012, if you're going to do this, do it all the way....ALL the way. Allow him to REALLY experience what it will be like to lose you, and it does NOT include being in your bed or holding you!! Allow it to hit him fully that the only men you allow in YOUR bed are men who love you alone and give you 100% of their affection and loyalty. That is the ONLY man who has the right to be with you, and he doesn't meet that standard...so he is OUT!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i say good for you. im glad you are getting on with your life. he is [email protected]@y because he was feeling proud about his piggy behavior, and now the tables have turned.

you dont care any more and have stopped bowing to him and he no longer has a fluffer.

so of course he "depresed" not your prob. and are we supposed to feel bad the big strong man cant handle children?? sucks butt for him.

maybe his plan isnt comming together like he thought, oh well.
life is short, keep on keeping on.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Affaircare said:


> I would recommend choosing certain nights that are your nights and not coming home. That's not to say you just "skip out" as that's irresponsible...but just tell him that since you have decided on the divorce, you've decided you will be taking Monday, Wednesday and Fridays nights (or Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...or whatever you like) as your own. He will have to make arrangements to care for the children (either himself or HE pays a sitter), as after work you have plans and will no longer be coming home. Part of the cost of no longer having you as his wife is that HE now will have to shoulder the responsibilities of being a part-time father.
> 
> (He doesn't need to know that your "plans" are to go to the local coffee shop and read a book! Or hang at the city library. Or start a new exercise class.)
> 
> ...


We already have an unwritten agreement like this....Mondays through Wednesdays are my gym days....

This morning when the alarm went off he scooted over to cuddle, but as soon as his body touched mine I got up quickly.....no more of that.....

One thing I have to stop doing is make remarks....

He wanted to go to the store with the little one and the boys were being goofy and wouldn't listen....after a while I asked the oldest "What is daddy doing, I thought he wanted to go to the store"....."He's at the computer.".....so I went downstairs and said "What are you doing, do you have to tell her you'll meet her at the store ?!?!"......:banghead:

I know I have to be above that, but it's just sooooooooooooo hard, when you're so angry !!!!!!

I'll be better though.....I already apologized and said "I'm sorry, I know it's none of my business anymore."....


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Just out of curiosity, have you made much of an effort to save your marriage? These things can be worked out. I agree with Affaircare's advise (sage as always), but I would add that perhaps part of the plan may be to win him back after he realizes what an ass he's been.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Workingitout said:


> Just out of curiosity, have you made much of an effort to save your marriage? These things can be worked out. I agree with Affaircare's advise (sage as always), but I would add that perhaps part of the plan may be to win him back after he realizes what an ass he's been.


Hi,

my husband told me on Labor Day weekend that he wants a divorce....out of nowhere....no warning.....

We've had small to medium fights on occasion..... not that often.....through our almost 11 year marriage.....

He's told me as reason for the divorce that he's fallen out of love with me, because I took him for granted, didn't appreciate him and didn't care about his concerns...which were.....

1. (main issue) me spending more money than I made (credit).....none of his money though !!!!

2. not enough sex....he calls himself a sex addict and I agree somewhat....maybe a light case.....

3. me not getting a better paying job...which is impossible because to make more money I'd have to have a different college degree.....which leads to #

4. me not getting another/different college degree.... which I was scared of because I'm German and I wasn't confident that I could go through college all in English.....

5. me not caring about myself anymore....gaining excessive weight (from around 125 lbs to 220 lbs including 2 pregnancies).....and not doing a lot of beauty regimen....not meaning cleanliness, but make up, hair etc.

6. me not keeping the house clean enough.....Army standard.....mind you, I work full time, have 2 kids, 2 dogs (one of them on the brink of death and lost control of her bowels), and the house is over 3000 sqft big.....

Anyway.....when he told me the reasons I immediately went into overdrive to change those things.....I never realized how important they were to him....

Yes, he's bugged me about them on and off throughout our marriage, but never to the extend of "I can't live like this much longer"....it was more like a dad nagging their child.....like my dad used to....

So my response was "I will, I promise" but inside I was like a pouting kid "I will do it when *I'm* ready for it !!!!"

Either way....I moved mountains to change.....

I am enrolled in college starting January, keep the house very picked up (must admit I like it this way better too), am down to 169 lbs now (going to the gym), and I'm having a better handle on the money (with his help).....

I've bent over backwards.....

And he went to sexting with a skanky chick.....and getting the real sex from me.....

Because I was dumb enough to believe all this means something and that there may be a chance (his words).....

I was all about saving my marriage.....

But he says it was too late.....

I've had every intention of winning him back even after divorce, but right now *I'm* just so angry and resentful toward *him* that there's no way I can do that....

I know I should, because I still love him to death, but right now only snide remarks come out of my mouth


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> So - he might be pissed because he didn't know where you were after work. Did you think to tell him you were headed to the gym and a movie?
> 
> I know I would be if my wife was supposed to be home at say - 5:30 pm and doesn't show up until 9...


Are you paying attention? They are divorced now. 
Relationships are complex. Even though he asked to end the marriage, he may still be grieving. It's quite possible that he may be having second thoughts. 
It wouldn't make sense to charge him rent if you want him out of the house as soon as possible. I agree that sleeping in the same bed makes no sense. Your house is spacious, I'm sure you have some place to put your ex.
It sounds like you'd be better off without him. A man should love his wife no matter what she does for a living, barring McJobs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Æå


rome2012 said:


> Hi,
> 
> my husband told me on Labor Day weekend that he wants a divorce....out of nowhere....no warning.....
> 
> ...


Congrats on weight loss. 220 pounds of jerk and 51 pounds of you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Update....

On Thursday night, when he was just leaving for work I asked him for something and he responded with "Yes, Ma'am !!".....

I was snapping back "So this is all I am for you now, a Ma'am ?!?!"...

He apologized profusely (and he sounded sincere) but I was just mad.....in my opinion you call someone that who you don't know very well and you want to be respectful....

Well....as we all know by now....he's been married to me for almost 11 years and he has no respect for me....so what the hell.....

Anyway....Last night he texted me saying to tell the boys he loves them and give them kisses....

He never does that and it started worrying me, so I asked whether he's planning on not coming home in the morning (he's a police officer on night shift).....and that on Christmas.....

He responded that he will be home, he just wanted them to know that he loves them very much......so sensitive ????......that's not my husband at all !!!.....is the Christmas spirit getting to him, or even remorse for what he's doing to the family ???

A little while later he sent a picture of a crash he's been attending to saying this is what I'm doing right now.....:scratchhead:

In the morning he came to bed and tried to get close, but I moved all the way to the end.....some time later he tried to hold me and cuddle (or more) and I pulled away propping pillows and blankets around me.....I want none of that anymore  !!!!!!!

After he got up he played with the boys and was in a pleasant mood.....

As he was getting ready for work my parents called and wanted to talk to him (they don't know about our situation...they're in Germany and my mom had cancer and is in a weak state so we agreed to not upset her with this as they absolutely love my husband)......

He got a little choked up as he answered them with "Yes, mom....yes, dad"......

I guess it got to him quite a bit....because he was in a seemingly depressed mood.....

I know no-one reads it anyway, but I like to journal it.....

Merry Christmas to all of you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

rome2012 said:


> Update....
> 
> I know no-one reads it anyway, but I like to journal it.....
> 
> Merry Christmas to all of you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hi there, I'm reading your post!  I feel your pain. I've often thought that two people that are fighting or are in conflict need to come together and say, "enough of this BS fighting! We want to be happy. Let's put a truce to this and get along! Let's start over!" Either you'll fix it or end it! Merry Christmas!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Workingitout said:


> Hi there, I'm reading your post!  I feel your pain. I've often thought that two people that are fighting or are in conflict need to come together and say, "enough of this BS fighting! We want to be happy. Let's put a truce to this and get along! Let's start over!" Either you'll fix it or end it! Merry Christmas!


The bad thing....we were hardly ever really fighting about the issues that lead him to divorce me....

We've had 1 (!!!!!) major fight about the finance issue.... 1 !!!!!......in 10 almost 11 years.....

Otherwise it was only a little nagging here and there.....kinda like a dad saying "Clean up your room, please !!!".....

Oh well.....I know he will realize his doing at some point....too sad he had to go to the extreme rather than trying to work it out....


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

rome2012 said:


> I know no-one reads it anyway, but I like to journal it.....
> 
> Merry Christmas to all of you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh, I read your posts. I'm pulling for you! Merry Christmas to you and your family.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

More odd behavior....

At lunch today I said how badly I wanted a Chili's Classic Bacon Burger.....

Sure enough Chili's was closed....

He just now texted me from work saying "Looks like Sonic is open, if you're still hungry." :scratchhead:

He actually thought of me.....


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

.....and now he texted me "Dinner tomorrow at Red Lobster or Chilis."

:scratchhead:  :scratchhead:  :scratchhead:  :scratchhead:  :scratchhead:


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

He may be losing resolve to leave.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Sorry, I'm not American....what does that mean ???



Atholk said:


> He may be losing resolve to leave.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I mean he's starting to have second thoughts about this whole thing.

It's one thing to have a fantasy about living with a new woman and having sex with her, it's another thing to experience the reality of losing your family and the love of your wife.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Thanks Atholk....I'm so torn now as to how to react to him....

This morning after work he came to bed and tried to find my feet with his....but I had them tucked in the blankets....

Then a couple of hours later he started caressing me and trying to hold me.....I kinda wanted to let him do it, but then I thought of his betrayal (even if it was just an EA) and got up.....

He's still sleeping now and I am wrecking my brain as to what to say to him if he's trying it again tonight.....

I would love nothing more than for him to regret the divorce and try to reconcile, but how do I know that this is what is going on......

What do I say if he wants to have sex ???

"Sorry, but I don't want to do this knowing about the other woman!".....???? He denies that there was anything with anyone, but I just know.....

His behavior was 100% typical and then the photos....

But I don't want to say "Sorry, but we're divorced now....".

:scratchhead:  :scratchhead: 

I was never a chess player and I don't know what the best next move is.....


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## joanne.kent (Dec 18, 2010)

I have been reading your thread. I know its a little late, but if i were in your shoes i would do the same thing. About a year and a half ago my husband and i kinda went threw the same thing just our bigget issue was sex he is a very sexual person and once a day wasnt enough for him i felt like a piece of crap....to sum it all up your a strong woman you can get threw this!


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Rome - the only advice I can offer is something my wife tells me sometimes - live for today and sometimes you gotta go with the flow. 

I came so very close to losing her last year year due to my own stupidity, neglect and financial infidelity (lying about money). 

She's right - Sometimes you gotta go with the flow and not force a decision on either part. 

I would stay alert and keep monitoring lightly - keep doing what you need to for yourself - managing money wisely - keep the house neat and proper and be there for your kids. I agree with Atholk - I think he's having regrets already.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

For whoever follows my story.....

Thanks for all your support !!!!!!

Here's an update.....

Sunday evening we went to eat at Chili's and had an *awesome* time, we laughed and I got a couple of deep looks from him :scratchhead: .... after that we went to the Christmas House to check out their light show.....again, a lot of laughing and just-like-it-used-to-bes....

That night I caught him crying in the shower because we're going to have to put our dog down ...

I hugged him and we were both sobbing and holding on to each other tight....

After a while we went to bed and just held each other crying away there for about an hour.....he kissed me hair and my cheek, caressed me and eventually we were kissing....for the first time in months....really passionate kiss....

Eventually it lead to sex..... 

I know it's totally against what I was wanting to do (180), but we were both so vulnerable....

After that I was going to go to sleep on my side of the bed, but he pulled me in his arms and we fell asleep like this...

Monday was pretty much the same  ....a lot of crying and closeness....

Tuesday he's had to get her be put down and we were holding each other in bed....no sex.....

Last night when we were laying in bed he was searching for my hand and just held it....after a while we went to sleep holding each other....

We are getting along better than ever....

We are closer than ever !!!!!!

It's confusing and sad that I had to sign the divorce papers before....well.....I don't even know what....before he regrets it....before our relationship recovered ????.....

I don't know what's happening......


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm just wondering if he was seeing someone else, and that person "dumped" him. Perhaps he is regaining his senses.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

827Aug said:


> I'm just wondering if he was seeing someone else, and that person "dumped" him. Perhaps he is regaining his senses.


Could be.....although I'm 99.9 % sure it was nothing physical.....

I've had the same thought....maybe after I "exposed" knowing about his cell phone skank it kind of shook him awake and when I presented him with the signed (out of anger  ) divorce papers he realized where this is all heading.....

The papers are gone, not on his desk anymore, so I'm sure he turned them in  .....

The boys and I went to the movies today and to the store while he was sleeping and went back to work and when we came home I found a note on the counter about feeding our puppy and "Be safe if you are going anywhere tonight. Lots of drunks"......

Another sign he does care (at least a little).....

I wish he would've realized it before the sh*t hit the fan...... 

Sad thing....January 12th is my birthday and I keep having these dreams where he's giving me the torn up divorce papers as a present  .....but unfortunately I know that's not going to happen


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Sent (ex-)husband a text wishing him all the best in 2011....

He sent back "As I truly and honestly wish you happiness and prosperity."

Nice.....:scratchhead:


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Happy New Year Rome!

Could it be that your husband is finally liking what he sees? You keeping yourself busy meeting his greatest emotional needs? Keeping yourself fit by going to the gym, keeping the house clean and keeping your finances in order? 

Keep it up and here's to a better 2011.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> Happy New Year Rome!
> 
> Could it be that your husband is finally liking what he sees? You keeping yourself busy meeting his greatest emotional needs? Keeping yourself fit by going to the gym, keeping the house clean and keeping your finances in order?
> 
> ...


Powerbane....I don't know how to interpret this wish from him....

To me it sounded like he's not regretting anything.....more like I wish you'll be happy with somebody else in 2011.....

You make it sound like there is a possibility for us....

I responded to it with "Happiness never again" without him I mean....

He responded with "Why not, happiness comes in many forms...."....

*What do you make of it ???*

I wish it would mean "You can be happy with me even though we're divorced"....meaning, we can have a relationship/love even though we signed the papers.....we can try again....

But here I am again.....getting my hopes up after I felt crushed last night after getting the text....

I had to realize that I still was hoping way too much, as my interpretation of the message made me terribly anxious and sick to my stomach  .....

Happy New Year, Powerbane !!!!!!!


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