# Help me! I'm going to lose her to my anxiety!



## pcoelho (Sep 7, 2011)

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now...she's definitely the love of my life and I am hers...shes adorable in every possible way, we fell madly in love and I've had the happiest moments of my life with her by my side...it's just perfect!

But there's a catch: when we got together, my gf was married (for 10 years) to another girl, they had a flat together and a deep emotional and financial co-dependance. Long story short: they broke up, my gf managed to buy a new flat after all, her ex is moving out in january. But I guess you can imagine how much a situation like this has taken its toll on me...My bouts of anxiety have become more frequent over the past few months and this is ruining everything...

Even though my gf keeps reassuring me, and telling me everything is ok now, that the problem is solved...peace is only a few months away...even though she's been adorable as ever lately I simply can not get rid of all the negative thoughts running through my mind...

I feel like I'm trapped in this vicious cycle of insecurity, anxiety, jealousy and self-pity...For example: if she doesn't answer my phone calls, I get insecure and uneasy, imagining the worst scenarios, creating this imaginary stories in my head, letting fear and anxiety create this monster!! By the time she finally returns my phone call (being the sweetest human been she always is) anxiety has already taken over and I get desperate because I know I'm just acting insane and just can't snap out of it...

She notices I am anxious by my tone...she's patient, tries to calm me down...and it works for a while...until the cycle starts all over again: i start over-analysing her every word, my every word, negative thoughts, self-pity, clingyness, despair! I just stop having fun around her...because my mind can't stop racing... to the point I can't even remember what set me off...I just fell anxious...I just don't feel like myself!

And this hurts her so bad...because she makes such an effort to be there for me and to reassure me but it doesn't do the trick...And then she gets distant (and a bit scared of me I guess)...which makes it all even worse. Then i feel guilty for not being able to control my anxiety, I feel guilty for hurting her, for not making her happy, for not being able to enjoy and appreciatte the wondeful girlfriend I have, I feel like I'm going to lose her...after all...who can love someone who is just anxious the entire time?

I need help! I couldn't sleep at all last night...I had a talk with her....told her I was feeling very anxious all the time and that was why I'd been acting so weird lately...she was comprehensive and sweet, but became a little wary of me later...I am desperate! I'm going to lose her unless I stop this! I spent the whole night making an effort to think of the happy moments we had together, but pain, insecurity and anxiety just wouldn't let me!!

Please, help!!


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## Currant (Mar 18, 2011)

Your story sounds similar to mine. It's after 4 am and I can't sleep because I'm too busy thinking about how insecure and jealous I am... my stomach is starting to hurt. I don't really have that much advice besides what I an trying to do, and that is to build up my self-esteem and keep telling myself that my significant other is with me because they love me. Being jealous and insecure are two things that can ruin a relationship and I know that my feelings are un-founded. I am trying my hardest to help myself realize how detrimental these thoughts are to my relationship and I am going to work on loving myself first. 

You are not alone and I really hope we can overcome our anxiety issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pcoelho (Sep 7, 2011)

Currant said:


> Your story sounds similar to mine. It's after 4 am and I can't sleep because I'm too busy thinking about how insecure and jealous I am... my stomach is starting to hurt. I don't really have that much advice besides what I an trying to do, and that is to build up my self-esteem and keep telling myself that my significant other is with me because they love me. Being jealous and insecure are two things that can ruin a relationship and I know that my feelings are un-founded. I am trying my hardest to help myself realize how detrimental these thoughts are to my relationship and I am going to work on loving myself first.
> 
> You are not alone and I really hope we can overcome our anxiety issues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's tough...I try to do the same...but if I get insecure for a second...anxiety just builds up and I'm trapped in this vicious cycle again! 

But I was looking for help online yesterday and came across this very interesting text about controlling your anxiety on this website: How to control your anxiety

I'll copy and paste the text (it's a bit long):


> Why is managing anxiety important for your relationship?
> Managing one's own anxiety is a key task to being a successful adult. Life is full of uncertainties, a fact we have to accept and live with. To be able to relax, enjoy life and take appropriate risks, it is essential that people are able to tolerate and regulate their own anxiety and fear. Regulating one's anxiety levels is a skill humans learn in childhood through developing a secure attachment. However, not all of us are fortunate to learn this skill or learn it well enough when we are children.
> 
> Managing one's own anxiety is an essential task for your relationship. Loving somebody entails taking big risks, trusting someone else, investing in him or her, and letting him or her make their own choices. This often brings up a lot of anxiety and fear for people. It is important that we take responsibility for our own anxiety and learn to manage it, rather than ask our partners to 'make it better' for us, for example by asking for constant reassurance or by trying to control them.
> ...


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