# Wife no interest in sex with me, but watches porn and reads erotic novels



## twodogsandacat (Oct 28, 2012)

I've been married for 6 years and we've never had what I would consider a good sex life. I would consider a good sex life, having sex twice a week with her showing an equal (or close to equal) interest. Instead we usually have sex once every 3 weeks (sometimes less, we've gone 6 weeks without sex). By the time it's been that long she usually starts saying something like, "I know you need it so we'll do it soon." It's basically a chore for her that she puts off for as long as possible. When we do have sex it's always the same way. She refuses to do anything that requires effort on her part so it's always in our bedroom, in the bed, me on top. If it takes more than 5 minutes she gets mad and says I'm trying to not "finish" to make it last longer. It's gotten really depressing. I feel like I biologically need it, but it's not enjoyable and it makes me feel bad every time. 

She works more hours than I do (sometimes 60+, compared to my 40), but she says up really late. I usually go to bed between 10 and 11. She stays up until 1 or 2, sometimes later. I've told her before that I feel lonely. We don't see each other all day, then I go to bed by myself. 

About two weeks ago I saw a Groupon for a trip to Jamaica. I was going to put it on her phone and then tell her we should go. When I went on her phone there was a ton of porn videos that she'd been watching that week. She says that's the first time she's done that in years. I guess I believe her, but it was still really hurtful. Anytime I make a suggestion that has something to do with sex she acts like I'm the most crude person on the planet. And I'm not making out of the ordinary suggestions. This would be a suggestion like, her on top, oral, sex in the morning, etc. One time I had read that couples watching soft porn together can improve or spice up their sex life, so I suggested it. She acted like that was completely disgusting. So when I saw on her phone that she'd been watching extremely graphic, very hard-core porn at night while I was asleep it really hurt. 

I confronted her and at first she denied even watching it, even though it was right there on her phone. Then she said she was just curious that one night. When I told her the history showed that she'd been watching it the past few nights she said it was just because she's been off of her birth control and that makes her think about sex more. I said, "But I'm laying upstairs, lonely, wishing I could have sex with you. If you were in the mood I would have thought your husband would be the first option, not porn." She said she didn't think waking me up to have sex was an option. That hurt. To think that porn would come to mind as an option over me really hurts, especially since our sex life has been so bad.

After all of this happened I wrote down everything I was feeling. I told her how unhappy I was because of our sex life. I told her I feel selfish, but as a man I "need" to have a sex life and as her husband it really makes me depressed feeling like she has no interest in me. We talked about it and she said she feels like she should be the one getting mad because I'm making such a big deal about it. I told her if we had a healthy sex life I wouldn't mind her looking at porn at all, it might even be a turn on. But in our situation, when she seems to be picking porn over me, I told her it was almost like cheating. She laughed when I said that. I told her that she has a husband who practically begs her for sex, however and whenever she'll have it, and instead she's watching some guy online having sex.

We've talked a lot since then. I told her I had been so unhappy with our sex life that it is affecting everything else and I didn't feel like I was being fair to myself to stay around being unhappy and feeling unloved (in the bedroom at least). Everything outside of our sex life is great. We get along really well. But the lack of sex, and now this, are making it really difficult. Since all this happened about a week and a half ago we haven't had sex. We even went on a date Thursday night, but when we came home she just went downstairs to read her book. Then again last night we went on a date, but again, when we came home she went down stairs and read her book until around 1 a.m. She reads on a Kindle, and I've been thinking about getting a Kindle. So this morning I looked at hers to see if I think I'd like it. The page she was one when she stopped reading last night was more graphic than anything I've ever seen. It was some guy in the kitchen, kissing this girl, then "pressing his erection deep in her." I couldn't believe it. It actually made me sick to think about. She has probably over 100 of these books, but I didn't realize what they were. I knew they were "Romance Novels" but I didn't realize they were written graphic porn. Now I know that even if she did only watch videos those two days, she's reading porn every night. 

Am I wrong to be hurt by this? Is it wrong for her to, even after all we've been through the past few weeks, still be reading this when she knows how much that hurts me? I just don't know what to do.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So basically, she wants/likes sex. Just not sex with you...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Yep like Pbear said she has lots of interest in sex just zero sexual interest in you. She doesn't find the sex acts you talk about doing disgusting, she finds any sexual act with you disgusting.

I'm guessing she doesn't respect you as a person either due to her responses to your concerns. She wants sex with a man and she doesn't see you as one. 

Sad but most likely true. I'm sorry you're here in this mess but the only thing you can do to make things better is to work on how she views you as a person. I'd suggest reading up on some of the books suggested on this forum pertaining to manning up.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sorry for the initial short response... Was in the drive through getting coffee... 

What was your sex life like earlier in your relationship? Was it ever good? 

C


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*I am sorry your are hurting . Don't take this the wrong way but I think she is bored. What you need to do is get dress up very nice. When was the last time you changed your haircut? Do you have a pair of sexy jeans and some nice boots? Here is what you start doing . You stop asking for sex from her. You go get a few new clothes. Then you (not you with her) start going out at night all dressed up hot and sexy. Before you think wrong , you just go to walmart or a movie (your not cheating). You got to make her think and miss you sometimes. You need to change it up sometimes. If she ask you where you are going, you just say out honey for a few mins. What you are doing is working on yourself. JMO you should join a gym to tone up . IMHO you start working on you more and stop begging for sex from W.*


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

You have no kids and she is obsessed with porn & graphic novels and you come here sounding like a pathetic wimp. Of course if it was a woman writing that her husband is downstairs while she waits in bed watching porn the outrage would be palpable.

Instead as a man I will say it, "you sound whimpering and pathetic"..... Sorry grow a pair and leave.......

I'm sure mem11363 will be by soon to give you the blueprint, but simply it is this..... Go out with friends, go to the gym, grow some muscles, don't say anything, be gruff, abrupt with her, do not do anything special or compliment her and generally ignore her.


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## downfall69 (Sep 23, 2012)

i went through the same thing as you with my ex !!!! LEAVE NOW it will not get better she doesn't want you and never will.your wasting your time


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I know I'd be very hurt if my H watched porn but rejected me.

No-one gets married to live a sexless life.

I would say 'up your game'. Invest some time in yourself....be someone she would want to date and would be attracted too, get fit, buy some new 'nice' clothes, be interested in her and be interesting to talk to.

Suggest MC to her and see how keen she is to fix things.

If you've done all this.. personally I'd be moving on.
Sex and affection and passion are too important to me.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Sadly Pbear hit it on the head. She loves sex just not with you.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

It seems like the roles are reversed a bit here. She watches porn and you feel hurt by it. 

It's obvious she doesn't like sex with you. Either she's not attracted to you or you are bad at sex. I'd work on your looks, try to improve on your sex techniques, and try manning up a bit. Assume a more alpha role in your relationship or else she will continue to walk all over you.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

As Genius Joe Biden would say, "Three Words: Married Man Sex Life Primer."

Get it and read it. In the meantime, here's a question: How often do other women hit on you?


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## twodogsandacat (Oct 28, 2012)

Thanks, I just ordered that book on Amazon based on your recommendation.

Lately I've been hit on more, as a result of dropping about 30 lbs and working out pretty hard for about the past year. Hasn't changed anything at home though.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

twodogsandacat said:


> Thanks, I just ordered that book on Amazon based on your recommendation.
> 
> Lately I've been hit on more, as a result of dropping about 30 lbs and working out pretty hard for about the past year. Hasn't changed anything at home though.


*I am glad you are working on yourself. Just start living your life without your wife. It sounds like she has checked out of the marriage . Your W sees you as a paycheck and just a roommate.*


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## Michael A. Brown (Oct 16, 2012)

Her attitude being workaholic is one reason that reduces her sex drive.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So why are you still with her?


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## barcafan (Jul 25, 2012)

Pbear, mrsoldnews, and justbidingtime have said everything that needs to be said. Read your own post over and over....sounds like a woman complaining about her husband! 

The way she is treating you is not justifiable but you aren't helping your own cause with the way you are acting....reach between your legs, untuck your nut sack and get back in touch with your dignity.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

twodogsandacat said:


> she said it was just because she's been off of her birth control and that makes her think about sex more. I said, "But I'm laying upstairs, lonely, wishing I could have sex with you. If you were in the mood I would have thought your husband would be the first option, not porn." *She said she didn't think waking me up to have sex was an option. *.


OP, do you have any particular problem with porn?
If you don't have any problem , then maybe you could have a look at some of her porn with her,or read the sex novel with her on her kindle.

Obviously, you wife loves sex, so what you need to do is take the lead.

*"... It was some guy in the kitchen, kissing this girl, then "pressing his erection deep in her." I couldn't believe it. It actually made me sick to think about...."*
^^^^^^^^
This is what she likes , nothing there to fel " sick " about.
You have been able to peep inside her mind and see what fascinates her and turns her on.
So, that is what you have to do. I do it to my wife and she loves it so I suppose women like that kind of stuff.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be aggressive.

If that still does not work,
Then apply the 180.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

twodogsandacat said:


> Thanks, I just ordered that book on Amazon based on your recommendation.


That's the best $10 you'll ever spend. DO NOT let your wife see you reading it. That stuff is just for you to know and her to experience. She doesn't need to know where it came from.



twodogsandacat said:


> Lately I've been hit on more, as a result of dropping about 30 lbs and working out pretty hard for about the past year. Hasn't changed anything at home though.


See, you're already taking some of the right steps intuitively. Aside from that, most of what I'm going to recommend is counterintuitive.

As far as your workout goes, it's time to muscle up. You need to get your waist, measured just underneath the ribcage, not at the navel or below the gut, but right under the ribs. That needs to be no bigger than 32" while your chest needs to be ≥45". This gives the you the "golden ratio" between chest and waist that subconsciously triggers the female limbic attraction circuit. You need to focus on heavy compounds like squat, leg press, deadlift, overhead press, chest press (I prefer decline), pullovers and pulldowns, row, chins, dips, etc. Make sure you're getting 9 hours a night when trying to build muscle.



twodogsandacat said:


> I've been married for 6 years and we've never had what I would consider a good sex life. *I would consider a good sex life, having sex twice a week* with her showing an equal (or close to equal) interest.


You have very low expectations.



twodogsandacat said:


> Instead we usually have sex once every 3 weeks (sometimes less, we've gone 6 weeks without sex). By the time it's been that long she usually starts saying something like, "I know you need it so we'll do it soon." It's basically a chore for her that she puts off for as long as possible. When we do have sex it's always the same way. She refuses to do anything that requires effort on her part so it's always in our bedroom, in the bed, me on top. If it takes more than 5 minutes she gets mad and says I'm trying to not "finish" to make it last longer.


Zero attraction to you. You've already started changing this physically, but you also have to upend her world a little bit by changing your behaviors. At least there is no doubt about what her attraction level is. The theory, which I believe, is that the vast majority of women, no matter what their own "sex rank" may be, are truly sexually attracted to only that top 10% or so of men.




twodogsandacat said:


> She works more hours than I do (sometimes 60+, compared to my 40), but she says up really late. I usually go to bed between 10 and 11. She stays up until 1 or 2, sometimes later. I've told her before that I feel lonely. We don't see each other all day, then I go to bed by myself.


Who makes more, you or her? Who controls the finances?



twodogsandacat said:


> About two weeks ago I saw a Groupon for a trip to Jamaica. I was going to put it on her phone and then tell her we should go.


Normally, you should just ask her when she can get off work (without explanations to her) and then book it yourself. That would be a leader behavior. It worked out this time, but generally you should just take the lead on this stuff. 



twodogsandacat said:


> When I went on her phone there was a ton of porn videos that she'd been watching that week. She says that's the first time she's done that in years. I guess I believe her,


I don't, but it doesn't really matter; it's what she's into at the moment. She's either rubbing herself raw or trying to decide what her next adventure is going to be. Does she ever do a GNO, travel for work, or work long hours (oops). Put a GPS on her car and put cell phone spy on her phone. Velcro a VAR to the bottom of her car's driver's seat. Keylog her computer. Maybe some of the 60 hours a week is play time and not work time. This is especially likely to be the case if your wife is the higher earner, but whether or not that is even the case, you need to find out if she's acting out her porn fantasies. What kind of porn is she into?



twodogsandacat said:


> Anytime I make a suggestion that has something to do with sex she acts like I'm the most crude person on the planet. And I'm not making out of the ordinary suggestions. This would be a suggestion like, her on top, oral, sex in the morning, etc. One time I had read that couples watching soft porn together can improve or spice up their sex life, so I suggested it. She acted like that was completely disgusting.


All this is an act to keep you in the dark about her true sexual needs/attitudes. What did she tell you her sexual history was? A virgin who broke her hymen in while horseback riding? My guess is that she's got an extensive history or she's getting worked up to add one to her resume.Does your wife attend church?

This prudish act she puts on is to provide a bogus explanation for why you get no sex. Your wife has a secret life and this is possibly the tip of the ice berg. Then again, this may be the totality of it. You have to keep cool, act disinterested and aloof, and investigate like mad to find out what makes her tick.



twodogsandacat said:


> So when I saw on her phone that she'd been watching extremely graphic, very hard-core porn at night while I was asleep it really hurt.


What kind of porn? Were you able to decypher her kinks? That would be a gold mine of information for a husband to know.



twodogsandacat said:


> I confronted her and at first she denied even watching it, even though it was right there on her phone. Then she said she was just curious that one night. When I told her the history showed that she'd been watching it the past few nights she said it was just because she's been off of her birth control and that makes her think about sex more. I said, "But I'm laying upstairs, lonely, wishing I could have sex with you. If you were in the mood I would have thought your husband would be the first option, not porn." She said she didn't think waking me up to have sex was an option. That hurt. To think that porn would come to mind as an option over me really hurts, especially since our sex life has been so bad.


For the time being, quit talking "relationship" with her. That includes asking for sex. It's a huge turnoff, despite what you have been indoctrinated to believe. 



twodogsandacat said:


> After all of this happened I wrote down everything I was feeling. I told her how unhappy I was because of our sex life. I told her I feel selfish, but as a man I "need" to have a sex life and as her husband it really makes me depressed feeling like she has no interest in me.


That is a huge mistake, but you didn't know any better. Don't do stuff like that again. It's an enormous turn off for women.



twodogsandacat said:


> We talked about it and she said she feels like she should be the one getting mad because I'm making such a big deal about it.


See what I mean? Quit talking about it. For now stay nice and friendly like the live-in best friend you are when it comes to interacting with her, but no more relationship/sex talk.



twodogsandacat said:


> I told her if we had a healthy sex life I wouldn't mind her looking at porn at all, it might even be a turn on. But in our situation, when she seems to be picking porn over me, I told her it was almost like cheating. She laughed when I said that.


Totally predictable. She knows a man is responsible for his sexual satisfaction. Loads of contempt she has for you.



twodogsandacat said:


> I told her that she has a husband who practically begs her for sex, however and whenever she'll have it, and instead she's watching some guy online having sex.


This is because she's ranking you a Gamma or Omega Male. You're probably a Delta, which is the average married chump, or in between the two. You need to continue upping your rank, but upgrading your wardrobe, your ride, and adopting an alpha/sigma stance toward women, starting with your wife. Take a guess at what that response would be. 



twodogsandacat said:


> We've talked a lot since then. I told her I had been so unhappy with our sex life that it is affecting everything else and I didn't feel like I was being fair to myself to stay around being unhappy and feeling unloved (in the bedroom at least). Everything outside of our sex life is great. We get along really well. But the lack of sex, and now this, are making it really difficult. *Since all this happened about a week and a half ago we haven't had sex.* We even went on a date Thursday night, but when we came home she just went downstairs to read her book. Then again last night we went on a date, but again, when we came home she went down stairs and read her book until around 1 a.m.


Like I said, zero attraction. She's got you around for some reason, but it ain't the sex. Do you do most of the cooking, cleaning, housework and the general upkeep around the house while your wife "works" long hours? Stop it. Quit doing her laundry. Start going out wearing your new clothes. And get a completely different haircut from what you've got now.



twodogsandacat said:


> She reads on a Kindle, and I've been thinking about getting a Kindle. So this morning I looked at hers to see if I think I'd like it. The page she was one when she stopped reading last night was more graphic than anything I've ever seen. It was some guy in the kitchen, kissing this girl, then "pressing his erection deep in her." I couldn't believe it. It actually made me sick to think about. She has probably over 100 of these books, but I didn't realize what they were. I knew they were "Romance Novels" but I didn't realize they were written graphic porn. Now I know that even if she did only watch videos those two days, she's reading porn every night.
> 
> Am I wrong to be hurt by this? Is it wrong for her to, even after all we've been through the past few weeks, still be reading this when she knows how much that hurts me? I just don't know what to do.


See comments above. Recap: Go James Bond on the wife and start looking into her real "60 hour" activities. Continue your working out, but switch emphasis to big chest, small waist 1.4:1 ratio. Update your look to a guy 10 years younger and 50% higher paid. Buy a couple of new suits to wear out at night and start going out without any explanation. If you don't have a sporty ride, trade in your blahmobile and get a Challenger or a Z4, etc. Start acting like a guy on the make for other women. Don't actually do that, just project it. I guarantee this will get results, unless your wife has gotten to the point where she feels ZERO affection for you. You need to act like how an alpha/sigma would if he were cut off, which is to merely go over to the next woman eagerly waiting in line for his attention. Don't actually act on that, but start making the moves that project that attitude.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's very interested in sex, obviously given the amount if time and energy she is putting into it.

Are you sure she's at work all those 6O hours? Is she going out on girls nights out? I'm not saying she cheating, but if she's into sex, but not with you, I'm thinking its only a matter of time until she seeks out someone to scratch her itch.

You need to read MMSL and you need to get ahead her on this game. Make sure she isn't going out without you, and that she isn't being chased at work. See it as both offense and defense.

Her idea that its ok to watch porn by herself, but with you it's wrong is very disturbing, as is her response to cut you off even more.

Something smells very bad here.


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

:O Is it me or is this totally different from when the roles are reversed?

Tha ****?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Something smells very bad here.


Probably the original post.



Open up now let it all go said:


> :O Is it me or is this totally different from when the roles are reversed?
> 
> Tha ****?


Just another role reversal joke post to get people revved up.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

I really feel for you brother. You described my wife and my sex life to a tee! Right down to the 5 minutes and then she starts acting like I am hurting her. Our frequency has been on a downward spiral for several years to the point where we are at now (about 6 times a year, and none in the last 4 months!). Just last week, we were home alone together for the first time in months without any kids and before I say a word to her she says " don't be getting any ideas, we are not having sex tonight! I'm tired. Really? after 4 months without it, I haven't said a word and you are already telling me no before I ask?!

I know that some of this has to do with her losing some of her hormones due to her going through menopause (she says she just doesn't desire it anymore), but a lot of it also has to do with resentment issues with me. You mentioned that your wife works 60 hours and you work 40. Does she also make more than you? Do you think there are any resentment issues between the two of you there? I know that resentment is an intimacy killer with women.

I also agree with some of the other posters that you should just concentrate on you for the time being. Work out, get in shape, go out looking good and don't tell her where you are going. You can go to the movies alone if you wish, just don't let her know that.

The two of you need to get to the bottom of why she obviously does not have any interest in sex with you. Nobody wants to have sex with someone who is viewing it as a chore. I know in my case it has caused me to not have any interest in her needs anymore. She wants to move into a bigger home because we have 3 kids and a dog , and I have no interest in moving and incurring higher debt with basically a roomate. It has literally killed our marriage. I feel like if she doesn't care what is important to me, why should I care about what is important to her. We are together just to raise our kids now.

Sit her down and explain how important sex is to you and find out what she needs in the marriage and make sure you are doing your best to meet her needs as well. If you don't, you may just end up like me. I don't want to see that! Good luck!


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

russ101, That pretty well described my wife and situation as well. I do know there is some resentment she has towards me due to some bad financial decisions I have made that has set us back a few years, but has mostly gotten over that, knowing we were scammed as opposed to just a bad financial decision.
She is pretty clever in bringing up old decisions we have made and attempt to use those in our current situation. My argument is, those were decisions made in the past and are decisions we will never make again. Stop living in the past...if you cannot get past how those decisions have affected your life and want to hold me responsible, I don't see any reason to continue this. 
It's time to get past the old and ugly and move into the here and now.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

I feel for all the partners out there who's spouse doesn't realize just how important sex is to them. Especially when sex was frequent and good at first, then gradually declines in frequency and quality even though the HD person still wants it as much as ever. It makes one wonder just why they are still married to them. Every situation is different, but people who value their spouses, value what is important to them, and they should also value what is important to their spouses. There has to be some give and take. But at the same time I don't want my wife saying to me "ok we'll have sex three times every month", and then she just lies there and acts like it is still a chore to her. I would rather just go without then have it that way. For me anyway, both partners need to want it, or at least put some effort into it, for it to be a worthwile experience.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*The porn should make your Wife want to have sex. Sorry she just does not want you.*


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Is it possible she's addicted to porn?


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

My advice, Do all the MMSL/manning up stuff. But do it for your next wife. 6 years seems like a long time, but 12 years or 18 years is a lot longer. No kids in the picture, count yourself lucky. If you are in your 30's or 40's and you get your game together you'll be able to find a great woman and your life will be so much better.


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## Tubes (Jan 9, 2012)

twodogsandacat, RUN! I'm in a very similar situation but with two kids and I'm seriously thinking about divorce. Leave now before it gets more complicated. My wife may love me but it's more like a friend, she may say she 'wants' me but her actions speak louder than her words. 

Over 10 years

'Complaining' - Failed, 

'180' - short term success, but reverts back quickly, 

Improving myself - no change, but at least productive for me

Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

twodogsandacat said:


> "I know you need it so we'll do it soon."
> _True, your maintenance pattern is like that for six years, that is YOU_
> 
> It's basically a chore for her that she puts off for as long as possible.
> ...


She play's you, she has won the confrontations until now.

What you have to do is what they call here: Manning Up.

Do not accept any more humiliation, walk away or talk strong to her. Do not explain, or tell her things anymore. She knows and understands everything now. You have to want things, and get them realized. She has to comply. Or get out.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

twodogsandacat said:


> I've been married for 6 years and we've never had what I would consider a good sex life. I would consider a good sex life, having sex twice a week with her showing an equal (or close to equal) interest. Instead we usually have sex once every 3 weeks (sometimes less, we've gone 6 weeks without sex). By the time it's been that long she usually starts saying something like, "I know you need it so we'll do it soon." It's basically a chore for her that she puts off for as long as possible. When we do have sex it's always the same way. She refuses to do anything that requires effort on her part so it's always in our bedroom, in the bed, me on top. If it takes more than 5 minutes she gets mad and says I'm trying to not "finish" to make it last longer. It's gotten really depressing. I feel like I biologically need it, but it's not enjoyable and it makes me feel bad every time.
> 
> She works more hours than I do (sometimes 60+, compared to my 40), but she says up really late. I usually go to bed between 10 and 11. She stays up until 1 or 2, sometimes later. I've told her before that I feel lonely. We don't see each other all day, then I go to bed by myself.
> 
> ...


 I didn't read all the replies so I might be repeating stuff others already said. If you don't have other marital issues and it's just the sex then she's probably not attracted to you and doesn't respect you. It's my personal opinion, but I think that women who turn to graphic novels and porn are not getting laid the way they want. As in the man is not giving them exactly what they want and the sex is boring. Or she even could be cheating on you...
I started reading those kinds of books and watching porn because my marriage is basically over and because I am not attracted to him nor do I want sex with him. Actually, his touch is repulsive and disgusts me. It doesn't feel good one bit when he touches me be it my hand or anywhere else. So we stopped having sex. So you should dig deeper and try to find out what else is really going on with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tanacotti (Nov 1, 2012)

abitlost said:


> Is it possible she's addicted to porn?


Finally!!! Someone that actually addressed the issue. Speaking from experience with the EXACT same circumstance. Yes, she is addicted to porn. Your story is matches my husband and I's story precisely. Except, when we had sex, I wasn't as rude and selfish as she is. I still enjoyed it, but not as much. I wanted to have sex with my husband less, and when we did it I didn't exert much effort. I did think he was taking forever to finish, but I was honest with him the whole time. I knew what I was doing was ridiculous, and I made every effort to stop that behavior. I told him everything as well, I was always honest. So he knew about my porn addiction. This isn't anything you can solve by getting a new hairdo or anything. Its not a quick fix. This has to do with her insecurities/depression/anxiety or something else that is going on with her brain that I am not aware of. Once I figured mine out, I was able to solve this, but not everyone is the same. You guys need counseling so you can find out what the issue is. It could be her, or you, or both of you. 

The other advice here is terrible. Don't just leave her, God people, don't just hand out advice like candy, these are people's lives you are effecting.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

tanacotti said:


> Finally!!! Someone that actually addressed the issue. Speaking from experience with the EXACT same circumstance. Yes, she is addicted to porn. Your story is matches my husband and I's story precisely. Except, when we had sex, I wasn't as rude and selfish as she is. I still enjoyed it, but not as much. I wanted to have sex with my husband less, and when we did it I didn't exert much effort. I did think he was taking forever to finish, but I was honest with him the whole time. I knew what I was doing was ridiculous, and I made every effort to stop that behavior. I told him everything as well, I was always honest. So he knew about my porn addiction. This isn't anything you can solve by getting a new hairdo or anything. Its not a quick fix. This has to do with her insecurities/depression/anxiety or something else that is going on with her brain that I am not aware of. Once I figured mine out, I was able to solve this, but not everyone is the same. You guys need counseling so you can find out what the issue is. It could be her, or you, or both of you.
> 
> The other advice here is terrible. Don't just leave her, God people, don't just hand out advice like candy, these are people's lives you are effecting.


You say that the circumstances were exactly the same, but then you contradict that by saying you were always honest with your husband, continued having sex with your husband, just with less frequency and effort. The OP's wife on the other hand is completely disrespectful and dishonest. So there is really nothing to compare except for the fact that both of you were looking at porn. Even if the root problem is simply "porn addiction" which I doubt, the OP still needs to quit being a pu$$y about it. If the OP takes your advice I think he will waste a ton of money on counseling while she goes through the motions, mocking him in her mind while getting ready to cheat or just leave.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

tanacotti said:


> Finally!!! Someone that actually addressed the issue. Speaking from experience with the EXACT same circumstance. Yes, she is addicted to porn. Your story is matches my husband and I's story precisely. Except, when we had sex, I wasn't as rude and selfish as she is. I still enjoyed it, but not as much. I wanted to have sex with my husband less, and when we did it I didn't exert much effort. I did think he was taking forever to finish, but I was honest with him the whole time. I knew what I was doing was ridiculous, and I made every effort to stop that behavior. I told him everything as well, I was always honest. So he knew about my porn addiction. This isn't anything you can solve by getting a new hairdo or anything. Its not a quick fix. This has to do with her insecurities/depression/anxiety or something else that is going on with her brain that I am not aware of. Once I figured mine out, I was able to solve this, but not everyone is the same. You guys need counseling so you can find out what the issue is. It could be her, or you, or both of you.
> 
> The other advice here is terrible. Don't just leave her, God people, don't just hand out advice like candy, these are people's lives you are effecting.



*First you need to go back and read the OPs post. The OP has a wife that is treating him like dirt. Plus she is not giving him any loving (sex). So this woman is not you. Second IMHO all advice is helpful to someone dealing with marriage problems. Watching a little porn is one thing, but completely refusing to have sex with your spouse is wrong (selfish,mean and hurtful). JMO after OPs W watches porn ,she should be ready to have her man. IMHO most people might watch porn but they want real sex more. The OP does not need to waste money on MC. I don't think the W would go anyway. *


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

tanacotti said:


> Finally!!! Someone that actually addressed the issue. Speaking from experience with the EXACT same circumstance. Yes, she is addicted to porn. Your story is matches my husband and I's story precisely. Except, when we had sex, I wasn't as rude and selfish as she is. I still enjoyed it, but not as much. I wanted to have sex with my husband less, and when we did it I didn't exert much effort. I did think he was taking forever to finish, but I was honest with him the whole time. I knew what I was doing was ridiculous, and I made every effort to stop that behavior. I told him everything as well, I was always honest. So he knew about my porn addiction. This isn't anything you can solve by getting a new hairdo or anything. Its not a quick fix. This has to do with her insecurities/depression/anxiety or something else that is going on with her brain that I am not aware of. Once I figured mine out, I was able to solve this, but not everyone is the same. You guys need counseling so you can find out what the issue is. It could be her, or you, or both of you.
> 
> The other advice here is terrible. Don't just leave her, God people, don't just hand out advice like *candy*, these are people's lives you are effecting.


I suggest you take a step back before you go popping off Mrs. 3 Posts. The vast majority of the individuals that have posted on this site know what they are talking about because they have experienced it first hand or have through sad experience seen the same scenario posted over and over again that they understand the trends and are trying to save the OP time and heartache.

Now are the posters here always correct? No, but if I was playing the odds I would head the instruction, investigate and take to heart some of the advice being given.

My wife had withdrawn dramatically 18 months ago. She earns more than me and is very successful. After 2 plus decades of relative bliss she seemed annoyed for me to be around her. Sometimes I could feel her seething. I turned to the people here. I did not agree with everything most said and 3-4 months ago I would have told you I was headed for divorce. Guess what? A little 180 magic and I almost have her back. She has been so nice to me the past two weeks I have been a bit unsettled. This morning after a fun romp she tried to get me to be late for work (I would have but I had an appointment). 

At the end of the day I appreciate the advice I received here. I think it helped save my marriage. Pretty damn good candy if you ask me,


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## old fool (Sep 2, 2013)

my wife exactly. but a woman can blame you for making her have an affair. if I asked my wife anything about finances or try to discipline kids she would say I am attacking her, and she can use that as an excuse to cheat, and twist it around that you made her do it, so she can blame everthing on you and her conscience is clear. from outword appearances my wife looks perfect. but I really think she is evil. finaly left her 10 years ago, didn't get divorce. went to Philippines and found out what it was like to feel like a man again. we were married about 3 years the first time she cheated, I decided to stay becus of kids, and slowly over a period of years she neutered me, biggest mistake of my life was to stay with her. if I was you I would really check anyway you can to see if she is cheating, don't waste your time talking to her, she will just lie. if she is cheating get proof and dump her. I think getting into shape will help for a short time but things wont improve over the long run. also you can bet she is running you down to her friends and other guys, my wife was a high paid legal secretary, made more then I did, found out she was a full service secretary to her boss, I waited until I was 62 to leave her I was retired then, don't be an old fool like me get out while you are still young and can start a new life. you have my deepest sympathy, good luck in whatever you do


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## Incognito78 (Mar 3, 2009)

She is a porn addict. This is my soon to be exes problem also. You can try and make it work, but if she ain't trying, then you gotta cut the ties sometime. There is no sense in being with someone who is so selfish to care about meeting your needs and disrespecting you like that.

I tried for many years to get my husband to show an interest in me (and I look really good and go to the gym). He still could care less. He would rather beat off and look at the smut on the screen. So, do yourself a favour. Find the love in yourself to leave and get someone else who will treat you the way you should be treated, or resign yourself to the situation and be happy and miserable for your life. 

But just remember, it's not about you. It's HER problem. It just feels like it's you. Trust me, I totally get it.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I don't know why this old thread came back up, but I'm glad it did. There is advice that I needed to hear.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

this is a "Zombie" thread and is being closed down to all new replies.


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