# 5 yr anniversary Friday, he left tonight....



## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

We have been trying to work things out since September. Therapy, marriage retreat, but nothing worked. I love my h sooo much, but he doesn't know what he wants. We decide to take a break....we are not seeing other people, are still married, but need time to reflect on what we want. We have two sons, 6 and 2, but aren't saying anything to them until we have to. We are keeping their routine the same md just taking turns at our parents. I am hoping this time apart makes him realize whAt he has....I am going to focus on me and hope for the best. I really can't think of a life without him....any advice or good stories about sepertion and then it working out?


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Oh honey!

Usually when a spouse leaves on a significant holiday or around an anniversary it's because they've been planning to leave for a while. Marriage counseling and all the helpful advice wouldn't have changed his mind no matter what. 

The only thing you can do is follow through with the 180, don't chase him, ignore most of his "are you ok? (will you still pick up for me?)" calls, and treat this separation like a divorce instead of picking up his spirits only nong enough so he can leave you feeling like a champ and leaving you miserable. Ok, you have to reject him while at the same time acting like you don't care if he comes back or leaves forever. 

And very important! No matter what DO NOT ARGUE WITH HIM. You got that? Don't argue or let yourself be caught in an argument because you're just going to reinforce his negative reasoning to leave you. It's either you say nothing or lie through your teeth to keep the peace, but don't fight or else you'll end up driving him away for weeks or months at a time. Get your rage out on here not with him. Oh and don't tell him anything sensitive or lean on him for emotional support, wives are really bad about this one..... he doesn't deserve it right now and he's just going to look on you with contempt and lose respect for you. let us know instead.


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## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

Thanks. I dont plan on contacting him at all. I need space too I don't think he was planning this, because I kind of brought it up...he is very confused...I am pretty sure he is very depressed and that is a big part of our problem. I tried to support him, but he was starting to pull me into his dark place. I just hope he realize it isn't me that is makingnhimnunhappy and that he has a lot to lose.


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