# Wife issues....



## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

In 2010 I caught the wife having an affair with a much older man. She was served and I was ready to return the favor for all the mental abuse she had bestowed upon me. Suddenly though she wanted to get back together. I held off on the legal stuff and we reached the point of drop it or put a reconcilliation agreement into place. We both saw a counselor jointly and individually. We legally reconciled in October 2011. At the first of December I had an accident and was basically bedridden for 5 weeks. During that time we had a bad fight on out anniversary because she would not touch me when I reaqlly needed some support. I wasn't looking for sex that night, but I needed to feel loved and she was the farthest thing from it.

In January we started to a new marriage counselor because we were not happy with the first one...(he was alot older and we agreed we could do better). Five sessions later, she moved out a week ago Saturday. Today, she gave me her ring back. She says she wants us to work, but is planning for the worse. She took some online relationship quiz and said I was emotionally abusing her. I took the same quiz and yep, you guessed it, she is doing the same to me.

I recently started on antidepressants because prior to the move out she went to another bedroom. I am very hurt and saddened by this. She has said we should have gotten divorced, and then never gotten married. We have been married about eight and a half years.

She was starting to work later and later, as well as quit saying I love you...ironically the same behavior as with the affair (the last six weeks or so). SHe has also said I should have been over the affair after a year. I admit I have has some issues, but was working on moving on from the affair. I think some of the problem is her out of town parents. They are in declining health and her mother has been pretty bad as of late. She drove to see them over the weekend. I saw her this morning and ask if she missed me and she said no. Yet she says she has not given up on us. The counselor said we should split for a while or just end it. I wonder if it is a game, because now we would have to wait a year for divorce and I lost the adultry charge. The adultry would have aided in a much better settlement for me. Has anyone else ever had this happen? Thoughts?? I love her deeply and want the marriage to survive..and thrive, but it just seems to be sinking.

Thanks


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She gave you her ring and moved out.

File divorce on her. Stat.


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

Adultery would most likely not effect the outcome of your divorce proceedings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

that_girl said:


> She gave you her ring and moved out.
> 
> File divorce on her. Stat.


She said all that needs to be said.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

If you're right about the adultery issue, she played you big time.

Time to move on


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> Yet she says she has not given up on us.


She might need you as a back up in case the OM does not work out.


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

Jeff74 said:


> Adultery would most likely not effect the outcome of your divorce proceedings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It actually would have...a 10-20% increase in settlement.


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

Well we got together today for taxes...then she said she was done with me...and wants me to tell her what I want of our assets. Very sad day.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm sorry you are facing this. God bless.


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

c2500 said:


> Very sad day.


A new beginning. You're young. Enjoy your freedom and apply the lessons you've learned as you build new relationships.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

c2500 said:


> Well we got together today for taxes...then she said she was done with me...and wants me to tell her what I want of our assets. Very sad day.


As a person your wife sounds very callous: unkind or cruel; without sympathy or feeling for other people.


People without empathy and compassion for the situation that another person is in can be labeled as being callous. Your wife was supposedly in love with you and should have had a lot of empathy for your situation. But there are some people who are so exceptionally self-centred and have such a low “emotional affect” that they just cannot truly feel anything for another person.


When you look back on all this you may one day see your wife for the person she really is. Rather than the woman you have up on a pedestal and is such probably more of a figment of your imagination than actual reality.


If it really is over you have a grieving process to go through. You’ve lost your wife and the future you thought you had together. It will help you to look up the grieving process so that you know what you are going through. The best we can do with these things is learn from them. These can be deep and painful lessons and we’re better using them for the future.


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## koolasma (Mar 11, 2012)

It actually would have...a 10-20% increase in settlement.


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

Well after her statements Saturday, I was upset. I rearranged the furniture in the den to reflect what a stager had suggested the first time she moved out and the house went on the market. I stopped by to talk to her Sunday morning, and was berated (rightfully so) for entering the house without calling. She had the radio so loud she could not hear me knocking.

We talked a bit..nothing spectacular. She said she was going to come by an get some things after church. I got the call about the furniture and she was pissed...accused me of getting ready to set her things out on the street and that I was going to serve her with divorce papers and I was playing games. SHe hung up on me of course. Later we talked again and she had left me a note wanting to buy me out of the house. I never addressed the note because the house will be sold.

Also she was mad I was having some friends over for homemade pizza...she didn't say it but I could tell. Amazing that I am trying to occupy my time and she gets mad at me about it. She also said we had to much interaction for being seperated. So I did not return a call from Sunday night...then got a snooty email last night that we need to talk about taxes again.

The saga continues.


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

It is over. We will be getting a divorce. A sad day indeed.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

c2500 said:


> It is over. We will be getting a divorce. A sad day indeed.


Sad day? But now you have a chance to find a woman that will truly love you and not f up. 

Do the 180 in the mean time and detach yourself emotionally from her.


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

i am working on it. It is just hard to have everything ripped out from under you for a second time.


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

First, appraise how much you really want her (as opposed to someone, something far too few people do evidently).

Next, take your cue from your orientation; if you want it to continue have a heart to heart with her and see if it is mutual. Alternately, develop your own sense of self and learn to love again.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

my thoughts are with you man, hang in there


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Any idea who she is cheating with this time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

I really don't think she is cheating again...I think she simply expected me to be over the affair after 1 year. SHe swears she has tried, but says I won't be over it in 20 years. Given her history of running away from problems, plus two other failed marriages, I guess I was expecting too much.


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