# Just when I thought all was good....



## Sadara (Jul 27, 2010)

Back Story here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/15403-there-affair.html

A week'ish ago, my husband replaced his telephone. I was happy that he was doing it because it meant that I could more easily access what was on his phone. He went with the iPhone 4.

He also wanted to use the same apple account since in most cases we use the same apps, again I was ok with this.

Now, I look at my apple account today to see what the recent purchases were. I noticed a couple of questionable apps; TextFree Unlimited, DeHood and Skout Dating: A Singles Network. DeHood is another texting kind of app, but actually looks for people who are in your neighborhood or near you.

I cannot help but think he is still looking chatting with her or maybe he's even looking for someone new. I thought everything was going good, but this is really upsetting to me to see this kind of stuff. I am planning on getting my hands on his phone the very next chance I get and taking a good look at things. This is so so so frustrating.

On a side note, I noticed two days ago that the other woman he was involved with is no longer on Facebook, at all. Which I found very interesting.


----------



## Willow (Jun 17, 2010)

Are the apps definitely a purchase, as opposed to a bundle that were on offer as part of a broader package? If they were purchases then I'd certainly be suspicious, but against that I'd find it odd if he would purchase them knowing you share the same apple account, if he was trying to do stuff behind your back that'd be a pretty dumb move. 

If he has purchased the apps, take it as a signal that there are issues in the marriage. He is looking for ways to meet unmet needs. Work on eliminating your love busters, work at meeting his needs. 

I know that this is a really hard part for you. It will feel like you are setting yourself up for a fall by continuing to try. I remember my H's first overnight works night out after his PA (which happened on such a night, his EA - another person, was work related too), I was in bits. I made it through though, and so will you. 

Its understandable that you would look at his phone for evidence, and given what happened before I would do so. Just don't torture yourself too much. Continue to work on and for you.


----------



## Sadara (Jul 27, 2010)

Thank you Willow for the perspective. It is likely that I'm over reacting. I checked his phone today when he was home for lunch and none of those apps are on it currently. So, for whatever reason, he deleted them after he downloaded them.

It does annoy me that his infidelity has driven me to not trust him. And for the life of me I cannot keep myself from looking. I keep having to tell myself not to be crazy about it.


----------



## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> It does annoy me that his infidelity has driven me to not trust him. And for the life of me I cannot keep myself from looking. I keep having to tell myself not to be crazy about it.


This is absolutely normal. It takes time - sometimes a lot of it - for wounds to heal. Expect to feel this way for a while - and be glad your husband is willing to work with you!


----------



## Willow (Jun 17, 2010)

Sadara said:


> Thank you Willow for the perspective. It is likely that I'm over reacting. I checked his phone today when he was home for lunch and none of those apps are on it currently. So, for whatever reason, he deleted them after he downloaded them.
> 
> It does annoy me that his infidelity has driven me to not trust him. And for the life of me I cannot keep myself from looking. I keep having to tell myself not to be crazy about it.


These kind of wobbles will get you from time to time. I still have times where my mind spins with all that has happened and I find myself racing through all sorts of nightmare scenarios. You have to make a conscious decision to stop these thoughts, and give yourself a short sharp talking to when you find yourself spinning on these tangents. Its all so new for you too, when you're a bit further down the road timewise the hurt does become less sharp. 

He is still with you and working with you. That is good progress. Build on that and don't let worrying tear down the progress you've made. 

Good luck!


----------

