# My wife to be thinks I want to control her



## fsmav (May 13, 2010)

Gentlemen, I am in a serious dilema, quite frankly, I have no clue how to handle it.

I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman whom I love dearly. We are getting married in four months, but lately we have been fighting so bad. I mean we fight about everything, even if it doesnt concern us directly, we find a way to turn it around and argue about it. 

I decided to be upfront about things and tell her things that i didnt like. I mean, lets be honest, we love our women but there are those things about them that we would be happier without. I dont want her to change, I want her to accommodate me more.

We recently bought a house in another city, that has proved a bad decision for our relationship. She now works for another big company, she has since changed. Shes changed her simplicity, the very thing that drew me to her initially. How do i address this without coming across as a dictator (that's ive been told). She is steadily losing her inner beauty for the glitz of the city. Its not that bad, but it affects me. Everytime I talk about it, we fight and I end up being called autocratic and pushing for things to happen my way. All I seek is for her to be my friend again. For her to be the woman she is, for her to be confident in her own skin, for her to be more accommodative and for her to take time out and relate to the things I talk about. 

This has since spread itself to our sex life. I feel we have less than enough sex. Now she feels sex is all I think about. She keeps referring back to it. She has been asking me about porn movies and Initially I wasnt keen, but I decided to open up. i downloaded two clips on my mobile, she threw her toys when she saw it. She linked it to my address about less sex. Now, she doesnt feel comfortable to have sex, she doesnt feel sufficient. Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!

I myself feel like a nag now. I have decided to withdraw myself as I cant bear the pain and name-calling. But will this benefit us? Nope. So what do I do????

Fellas, dont tell me to get out, I cant. I love her too much. I know she loves me. dshe's a good woman, just these side issues.


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## omar77 (May 10, 2010)

how long is this issue is between you 2. i think both of you should be flexible and make it clear with her why she isn't interested and is it a mood from her side trying to let you concentrate on more important issues ask her if she is upset sit with her and talk about her work try to understand her issues and listen to them for a while or is it a clue indirectly to let you know how she feels that she cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you but maybe she is preparing you to accept a breakup so be prepared for anything


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Go to marriagebuilders.com and print out two copies of the Love Busters questionnaire. Both of you sit down and fill it out. It lets you tell her what she does that you don't like, and it lets her tell you what YOU do that SHE doesn't like. 

It is invaluable information, and it shows that you want to be who SHE wants, and it gives you a way to talk about your issues.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

_How do i address this without coming across as a dictator (that's ive been told).

and I end up being called autocratic and pushing for things to happen my way. _

If she said these things, then they are true. It is not her imagination.

_
I dont want her to change, I want her to accommodate me more.

All I seek is for her to be my friend again. For her to be the woman she is, for her to be confident in her own skin, for her to be more accommodative and for her to take time out and relate to the things I talk about. _

See what I mean? I don't know what any of this means because you're being too general. Specifics would help a lot, but whatever these things are that you request of her, you are being a dictator. You are being autocratic. You are asking her to change. But you deny all these things, which means you don't listen to her and don't listen to yourself either, but you want her to listen to you.

Like I said, you weren't specific about any of those things, so I have no idea what it is you are asking her to do. However, I notice you are very specific about the sex complaints, so again, I am inclined to agree with her. As far as she is concerned, you are controlling and demanding. And that is all I can see.

You won't get sex like this. She will never warm back up to you. You are pushing her farther and farther away. Right now, she is caught up in the *wedding* thing and cannot imagine stopping those motioning wheels. That is typical of a woman soon to be married. If it were not happening, she might well reconsider being with you. I don't doubt she loves you, but she's in denial and paying no attention to anything but walking down the aisle. So the problems between you get pushed aside only to rear their ugly heads after the I dos.

Perhaps you fell in love with a country girl who is becoming a city girl. She is growing and adapting to her new surroundings. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad, but you are trying to stifle her growth because she's different somehow. How she is different I have no idea because you complained about it but didn't tell us what it is.

At any rate, you both need couples' counseling before getting married. Otherwise, the marriage is headed for disaster.


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