# How long after D day did you engage in sex with the BS



## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

I returned home 2 weeks ago....I am in reconciliation with my WH...sometimes I wonder if it's true reconciliation. When my WH was in the affair he did not persue sex with me. I tried to engage him, as we had been having problems in this area.....He told me he wanted to work on our marriage all the while having the affair but when it came to sex he was not interested...now we are in reconcilliation...we had been talking on the phone because I was working out of town for a few months and now I am home. And yet he had not approached me....I am wondering for the BS's how long before you engaged in sex with your WH or WW...or for the Betrayers how long before you approached your spouces? I tend to think that we are truly not in reconcilliation on this alone....He has been nice lately...he wasn't being so nice a month ago...but he has not even spoken about the subject with me....so my mind tends to think that he is still lusting after the OW and when I leave (have to work 112 miles away from home) he will again be with her. He did spend the week with me in my apt and was helpful but this is weighing heavily on me....as he told me he loved me all the while having the affair.....We are in marriage counceling and he is getting IC and going to church....is it all in my head?:scratchhead: Another thing is he is still unemployed...so again I wonder is this true reconcilliation as when he was employed he asked me for a Divorce back in May, when he lost his job he changed his tune (of course I had no idea about the OW)....so again he says he wants to work on the marriage....he says he loves me and doesn't want to loose me....but the sex thing weighs heavily on my mind as he is highly sexual....He says he isn't watching porn anymore (I am not sure if I beleive that)....I will not be here...I do need to put something on the computer to see if this is the truth....He lied to me and decieved me for months on end....but the sex thing....I wonder


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

1 hour (yeah I know)
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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

are you male or female?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Male
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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Has she has STD testing yet?


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Of course you had sex within an hour, it's your male instinct to be the sexual preditor and claim your place.....and it's not a she but a he and no he has not, I have though and nothing physically, but I want blood work....were waiting the six months before hand as some STD's don't really show up for 6 months.....but wearing a condom fixes that and he balks at that


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Within a few days. It was sex, not making love. Big difference for me. She initiated it.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

onthefence16 said:


> Of course you had sex within an hour, it's your male instinct to be the sexual preditor and claim your place.....and it's not a she but a he and no he has not, I have though and nothing physically, but I want blood work....were waiting the six months before hand as some STD's don't really show up for 6 months.....but wearing a condom fixes that and he balks at that


Condoms are not 100%. Best to e safe.


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## SadLovingHusband (Apr 21, 2011)

A little over a month, and as stated by someone else, it was physical, raw sex. No emotional intimacy. In fact I felt dirty afterward and swore to never do it again.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think it is critical that if you truly are in R that you have sex as soon as possible and regularly. I didn't say make love, I meant have sex. If you hold off it becomes the elephant in the room. If you can engage in it, it helps build a stronger bond between the couple as they work on remaking their relationship.
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

onthefence16 said:


> Of course you had sex within an hour, it's your male instinct to be the sexual preditor and claim your place


Hysterical bonding has nothing to do with being a sexual predator and there are also many betrayed wives who claim their territory after they find out about their husbands affair. In my case, and that of many other men, I found the idea of having sex with my then wife - now ex-wife - repulsive after seeing her in a video file engaging in sexual acts with the OM. So don't generalize that just because we're men we are all eager to have sex with our cheating wives after D-day. 



Shaggy said:


> I think it is critical that if you truly are in R that you have sex as soon as possible and regularly. I didn't say make love, I meant have sex. If you hold off it becomes the elephant in the room. If you can engage in it, it helps build a stronger bond between the couple as they work on remaking their relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Shaggy. His name says it all. :rofl:
:lol:


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I should also add, that if the idea of sex with your SO is too distasteful to do, then the R isn't likely to succeed since your revulsion is too strong.
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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I was out of town on our DDay. Came back the next day, and my WW she tried to initiate sex after our long, emotional talk. I rejected her and she cried so hard. I didn't feel good rejecting her, I just thought it would send the wrong message. But then we ended up having sex the next night. 

We went through 2 periods of hysterical bonding. We had sex maybe 3-4 days in a row, then a break, then DDay 2, then 9 straight days of sex. Then it mellowed. No DDays since, for 5 months now. Now we are back to our normal once a week routine.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I separated from my husband April 3, 2011, and I ended up having sex with him twice after that. It's now been 6 and a half months since I've touched him and I wouldn't touch him with a 40 foot pole now.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

My H had the EA, we had sex the first week,,I guess the hysterical bonding, then 3 weeks later we did again and I balled right after, I was so mad I wanted to hit him..... he didn't acknowledge that I cried till the next morning ( guess to avoid conversation about it all)... Been 4 weeks and none sense. 

I just can't help but feel like he could be or had been imagining it being with her instead of me. And that I was doing the normal house wifely duties and he could have sex with me, but save his emotional bonding with her. He was trying real hard yesterday (since he's only home a day and a half each week),,,, but no go. 

I think he gets going in the mood with all the porn he watches,,,,, sucks to be him then....:lol:


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> . It's now been 6 and a half months since I've touched him and I wouldn't touch him with a 40 foot pole now.


Just think what you could do with a toothbrush Apple. Just one more time..


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

It was 3 months after Dday#1. I had kicked him out and we were living apart. When we decided to reconcile we went back at it, although there was one weekend of sex then nothing for a month. I found out later that the month off was because he got oral sex from a prostitute a week before we had sex, and he was afraid he had caught something from her so he wanted to hold off with me till he knew for sure. He told me he had a yeast infection, which didn't raise any red flags with me because he gets them off and on. Anyway, then we did the hysterical bonding thing for a while, then on Dday#2 I found out about the hooker and cut him off for 5 or 6 days - we slept together but I wouldn't even speak to him. After I processed it we had sex again when I said it was ok.


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