# When is it time to forgive?



## eniale (Jan 8, 2013)

So when is it time to forgive? I have been feeling a lot better over the last several weeks. I still have some really bad days and of course those are the days I think forgiveness just won't happen. These bad days are usually when I am alone and my brain seems to go haywire, trying to still sort out what I know and what I don't know.

I seem to be a little hung up still with what I don't know. Maybe that is the problem with forgiving. I don't exactly know what I am forgiving. We are working on it. It is hard not to be in a hurry.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Real forgiveness happens when you don't feel the need to hold it against them anymore. That can take a long time, especially if there are still things you wonder about or are uncertain and don't feel the other person has come clean and are genuinely remorseful.


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

I think its time to forgive when you are personally ready. With what i have read there really is no definite answer, trust me I've been searching for a cure, there are none its all with inn you... Problem i keep running into is i think im starting to forgive but then no more then 2 to 3 days later im back to ground zero. It is very hard. I so badly want to but the mind games and the thoughts still win for me at this moment. Its only been 4 months for me as of next Monday.. Yippee


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

It has been over a year and I still have not gotten to the forgive part and I still have no answers. All I have is I love you I'm sorry and I learned my lesson. Not good enough for me.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Every morning say, "I forgive thee because I love thee", rinse lather and repeat.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

jupiter13 said:


> It has been over a year and I still have not gotten to the forgive part and I still have no answers. All I have is I love you I'm sorry and I learned my lesson. Not good enough for me.


Their compassion has a very small limit as well as their 'contrite' apology. That is all they have, almost nothing yet something. You can't expect a real apology from a person who doesn't 'love' you.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

...when its the right time FOR YOU 

Could be days, months, years, decades....or never....

Forgiving is entirely for your inner self - not for the other person.


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

The question which haunts me is that how can I forgive when I know so many details....!!! Those details will pop-up now and then !!!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I guess you know it when you feel it.

BUT... part of the problem is that without forgiveness you really can't move forward with meaningful reconciliation. If you don't forgive, you constantly re-fight the battle with your spouse. Eventually, your spouse realizes that there will NEVER be reconciliation and they decide to move on (or, they stay and live a miserable life while the marriage deteriorates even further).

Having said that, let me say that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. It's always there and how you deal with it is what determines whether or not you can move forward with the relationship.


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

Some say forgiveness is a decision, some say it's a stage. In the case of betrayal, I lean toward the latter. I have felt no control over my emotions through all of this. For me forgiveness isn't possible until you make it to the acceptance stage. I'm not there yet. Though I am much much closer. Four months past finding out my husband was calling prostitutes, I'm in the detached, numb, and uncertain stage. I don't feel any anger, not even much resentment. I pity him because of his self-destructiveness. But I'm not ready to forgive. I'm not sure how it works actually. But I sense that I will forgive once I am in a safe place - either divorced or confidently in R for a significant period of time. Premature forgiveness is empty and transient, I think.


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## eniale (Jan 8, 2013)

ody360 said:


> I think its time to forgive when you are personally ready. With what i have read there really is no definite answer, trust me I've been searching for a cure, there are none its all with inn you... Problem i keep running into is i think im starting to forgive but then no more then 2 to 3 days later im back to ground zero. It is very hard. I so badly want to but the mind games and the thoughts still win for me at this moment. Its only been 4 months for me as of next Monday.. Yippee


4 months for me too, and I feel the same way. Just when I think I doing better something crashes and the tears start flowing. I guess the good new is the good days out number the bad most weeks.


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## Dunder (Apr 3, 2013)

eniale said:


> So when is it time to forgive? I have been feeling a lot better over the last several weeks. I still have some really bad days and of course those are the days I think forgiveness just won't happen. These bad days are usually when I am alone and my brain seems to go haywire, trying to still sort out what I know and what I don't know.
> 
> I seem to be a little hung up still with what I don't know. Maybe that is the problem with forgiving. I don't exactly know what I am forgiving. We are working on it. It is hard not to be in a hurry.


Never.
You won't forget about it, your life will be miserable if you "forgive". Both of you will live better if you divorce.


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## eniale (Jan 8, 2013)

totallyunexpected said:


> Some say forgiveness is a decision, some say it's a stage. In the case of betrayal, I lean toward the latter. I have felt no control over my emotions through all of this. For me forgiveness isn't possible until you make it to the acceptance stage. I'm not there yet. Though I am much much closer. Four months past finding out my husband was calling prostitutes, I'm in the detached, numb, and uncertain stage. I don't feel any anger, not even much resentment. I pity him because of his self-destructiveness. But I'm not ready to forgive. I'm not sure how it works actually. But I sense that I will forgive once I am in a safe place - either divorced or confidently in R for a significant period of time. Premature forgiveness is empty and transient, I think.


I am sorry that you are going through this. It has really been only the last month that I have "accepted" that my H had an EA. At first I just wanted it to go away and not be true. Now I know it is what it is, and now we have to work hard to get us back. I am not too angry anymore either, just confused on the thought process that led my H down this road, and now how we are going to climb back up.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

You must be honest with yourself and with your spouse. If things cause you to trigger say so. Many tormented souls here on TAM must deal with vivid mental movies in HIGH DEFINITION. Are those souls better off than the ones that actually find pictures, explicit pictures or videos of their spouse? Either way, its appalling.


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## eniale (Jan 8, 2013)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> You must be honest with yourself and with your spouse. If things cause you to trigger say so. Many tormented souls here on TAM must deal with vivid mental movies in HIGH DEFINITION. Are those souls better off than the ones that actually find pictures, explicit pictures or videos of their spouse? Either way, its appalling.


I hear what you are saying. Given the fact that my situation was my H's EA with no physical contact or pictures I don't have those types of mind movies. I do have triggers for sure though, and I think your suggestion to talk about these triggers is good.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Dunder said:


> Never.
> You won't forget about it, your life will be miserable if you "forgive". Both of you will live better if you divorce.


If you wanna go on a forum like this and offer zero advice and only serve to disrespect people who are dealing with extremely painful issues, maybe you need to look in the mirror and check yourself. There is the problem.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Four months "in the know" now and fighting this battle. Forgiveness is something I want. I've told him I understand his thought process behind his betrayal, but that I am still struggling to cope with how these affairs hurt my trust of men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

eniale said:


> So when is it time to forgive? I have been feeling a lot better over the last several weeks. I still have some really bad days and of course those are the days I think forgiveness just won't happen. These bad days are usually when I am alone and my brain seems to go haywire, trying to still sort out what I know and what I don't know.
> 
> I seem to be a little hung up still with what I don't know. Maybe that is the problem with forgiving. I don't exactly know what I am forgiving. We are working on it. It is hard not to be in a hurry.


STBXW had already had us separated and moved away from each other months before I even suspected the least of her covert actions of infidelity, with it's inception being a year before the separation while I was still living and sleeping with her!

My heart was torn asunder. With what little remained of it, I could not see fit to offer forgiveness. After having been counseled by my pastor, my individual counselor(IC), and my attorney~ all stalwart Christians, I had to offer her immediate forgiveness in my prayers, but not personally. I will, however, offer her written forgiveness once the D is consumated.

But in forgiving her, I am always reminded that to forgive is a Christian act of love, in and of itself, as we should "always forgive those who trespass against us." For without offering forgiveness out of our heart, how then can we truly expect to be forgiven by others of our own many trespasses and transgressions? *Romans 12:19* richly implores that "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord!" To those that have broken the bonds of marriage by their acts of infidelity without the benefit of seeking forgiveness out of their erroneously perceived sense of self-righteousness, I feel that there will be a time and a place where they, willingly or unwillingly, must account for their actions, before a Court of Higher Jurisdiction, either in this world or another, where those sordid actions of theirs will be judged accordingly, with the affronted merely serving as witnesses against them.

Now whereas forgiveness is one thing, we are never compelled to ever forget about what has happened to us ~ in much the same way that a child usually learns right after the first time not to ever stick their hand upon a hot stove; and thus in essence, enabling us to learn from those grave mistakes that are a part of our past!


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

10 months since dd for me. I have been through all the forgiveness scenarios and have tried to draw from my VERY mixed bag of knowledge. Having been raised Southern Baptist but from a lineage of Native American Shamanism mixed with years of yoga/Eastern philosopy which ALL preach love love love and forgiveness...plus some brimstone scorching from the Baptist side, I still struggle with forgiveness. I believe it isn't something you can force yourself to do. I believe you just have to decide what you want and at some point you will wake up and realize it has just happened. 

I try to forgive and we are a few months into R but it still hasn't happened for me yet. My H has taken a very hard look at himself and didn't like what he saw. HE has become a much better H and father and has repeatedly discused his behaviour with his kids, especially the boys (26 & 17). He has become a much better person, while I remain a pathetic shell with zero confidence despite his huge efforts to put me back together. Maybe when the bondo dries on my soul I will wake up and realize I have forgiven him. 

Don't give up. It's a long road and this forum is an excellent map for the journey.


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## eniale (Jan 8, 2013)

Just when I think it's getting easier, I wake up and find myself in quicksand, UGH!


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

what happened now?


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Dunder said:


> Never.
> You won't forget about it, your life will be miserable if you "forgive". Both of you will live better if you divorce.


Everyone is different so what may apply to you and your situation won't to someone else and theirs. Your words to the OP are not helpful.


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## eniale (Jan 8, 2013)

calmwinds said:


> what happened now?


Just a bad couple of days after a pretty unproductive IC session this week. I kind of have some IC homework, that it is time to "check" in with H and his IC to have some specific questions answered. H know this needs to happen but I don't have any info on when this will take place. 

Did that even make sense? Anyway there hasn't been anything major such as resumed contact or anything, just a sense that he might be trying to answer some questions for himself but not wanting to talk about it. Just frustrating


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I love C.S. Lewis “We forgive, we mortify our resentment; a week later some chain of thought carries us back to the original offence and we discover the old resentment blazing away as if nothing had been done about it at all. We need to forgive our brother seventy times seven not only for 490 offences but for one offence. ”


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

calmwinds said:


> 10 months since dd for me. I have been through all the forgiveness scenarios and have tried to draw from my VERY mixed bag of knowledge. Having been raised Southern Baptist but from a lineage of Native American Shamanism mixed with years of yoga/Eastern philosopy which ALL preach love love love and forgiveness...plus some brimstone scorching from the Baptist side, I still struggle with forgiveness. I believe it isn't something you can force yourself to do. I believe you just have to decide what you want and at some point you will wake up and realize it has just happened.
> 
> I try to forgive and we are a few months into R but it still hasn't happened for me yet. My H has taken a very hard look at himself and didn't like what he saw. HE has become a much better H and father and has repeatedly discused his behaviour with his kids, especially the boys (26 & 17). He has become a much better person, while I remain a pathetic shell with zero confidence despite his huge efforts to put me back together. Maybe when the bondo dries on my soul I will wake up and realize I have forgiven him.
> 
> Don't give up. It's a long road and this forum is an excellent map for the journey.


I liked this post. The belief in and the action/heartfelt reality of "forgiveness" are two very different things. Especially when it involves the heart. Right now, my husband is being great. But I too remain a pathetic shell with zero confidence. I'm scared "I" won't recover. Not sure what I am anymore. I really hope we all get through this and come out stronger. Right now I feel so broken too.


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## SecretTears (Jul 18, 2010)

Here are my thoughts on forgiveness. It is a strange process (at least for me). 

I'm almost 2 years past D-Day. We tried R for 18 months. Sometime during those 18 months (around the 1 year mark or so), I started to forgive. It wasn't a one day thing that happened, I worked on myself and we spent a lot of time together hanging out, talking and rebuilding our relationship. It was like every day one stone would drop out of the "affair baggage" I was carrying until one day I realized my baggage was much lighter. 

Then 18 months after DDay he left. It seems like I "unforgave" his affair or maybe I forgave the affair but not the fact that he left suddenly and that he gave up on us. Anyway it doesn't really matter: it's all bundled up into a new suitcase (my new baggage) that I'm carrying around. It's been almost 5 months since the S and I can't even fathom forgiveness at this point though it is a goal that I want to get to, not for his sake but for mine. I want to lighten my luggage and move on with my life. Until I forgive him, I don't feel like I truly can move on.


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

SecretTears said:


> Here are my thoughts on forgiveness. It is a strange process (at least for me).
> 
> I'm almost 2 years past D-Day. We tried R for 18 months. Sometime during those 18 months (around the 1 year mark or so), I started to forgive. It wasn't a one day thing that happened, I worked on myself and we spent a lot of time together hanging out, talking and rebuilding our relationship. It was like every day one stone would drop out of the "affair baggage" I was carrying until one day I realized my baggage was much lighter.
> 
> Then 18 months after DDay he left. It seems like I "unforgave" his affair or maybe I forgave the affair but not the fact that he left suddenly and that he gave up on us. Anyway it doesn't really matter: it's all bundled up into a new suitcase (my new baggage) that I'm carrying around. It's been almost 5 months since the S and I can't even fathom forgiveness at this point though it is a goal that I want to get to, not for his sake but for mine. I want to lighten my luggage and move on with my life. Until I forgive him, I don't feel like I truly can move on.


Oh my goodness, SecretTears. How cruel! How unfair! You spent so long suffering and then forgiving only to be betrayed again in another way. How terribly alone you must feel. I am so so sorry. I wish I could hug you and tell you it's all gonna be alright - eventually. Hang in there - and be strong for you - and you only. 

From me to you:


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

When is it time to forgive?
The answer to that one is easy; the answer is IMMEDIATELY

Now for the tough follow up question
HOW do you forgive?

Some thoughts:

One of the main reasons that it is so hard to forgive is that you are hurt so bad and your emotions and spirit are anemic. You feel one or more of the emoitions of rage, worthless, guilty, vengeful, unlovable, etc. I will borrow the situation that Secret Tears (ST) posted. As ST did in the past, WORKING ON YOURSELF is so very important. 

Working on you includes:

1	Making improvements in you life that will please you and add to your integrity

2	Believe that forgiving the offender will really benefit you in the future

3	Get rid of any false guilt

4	Get rid of any thoughts that you are not a valuable person. Never say you are unworthy of being loved.

5	Realize that you are worthy and act worthy and speak worthy about your self with out false pride.

6	Work on removing revenge and replace with ACCOUTABILTY for the offender and yourself.

7	Getting a very good understanding of what forgiveness is; for example:

*Understand that forgiveness is not *
* Justifying, understanding, or explaining why the person acted toward you as he or she did. 
* Just forgetting about the offense and trusting time to take care of it. 
* Asking God to forgive the person who hurt you. 
* Asking God to forgive you for being angry or resentful against the person who offended you. 
•	Denying that you were really hurt; after all, there are others who have suffered more. 

Choose by an act of your will to forgive that person once and for all time. You may not feel like being forgiving. That's all right. Just do it and the feelings will follow? God will take care of that. Do not doubt what you have done is real and valid.

The above are the goals and as someone has already said that this may take weeks, months, or years. When you accomplish forgiveness you will be healthier, wiser, more secure, and have a higher self respect-esteem.

One last thought. DO NOT buy into the idea that you have to go and help everybody else. When you are hurt badly; your responsibility and best plan of action is to concentrate on you and your minor children if you have any and NO ONE else! When you get better and stronger you will be able to consentrate on others.

No one spouse is your whole life. Spouses can be very fulfilling but they are not your whole life and you can have a good life without them. *The goal is to be in a position that you will be OK with them or without them and you are the one to make that choice.* *If both spouses get into that psosition and then decide that they want each other then you have a very powerful dynamic for a successful marriage.*


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I agree with norajane. True remorsefulness is the key to forgiveness.


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## eniale (Jan 8, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> I love C.S. Lewis “We forgive, we mortify our resentment; a week later some chain of thought carries us back to the original offence and we discover the old resentment blazing away as if nothing had been done about it at all. We need to forgive our brother seventy times seven not only for 490 offences but for one offence. ”


Thank you for this. Sometimes we need a kick in the pants to realize that some things are not as simple as we would like them to be. I think this forgiveness thing is so very complex and personal for every individual.


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## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

Been separated/divorced going on 2 years now. My exH had wanted to "fix us" pretty much the whole time. His hounding me got me to a bad place with him. Just telling him to stop and leave me alone! Well, I finally have found it in my heart & soul to forgive him for the way he was that pushed me to D. During our apart time, I dated minimally. Well, now that I am on the good side of the fence, he's not. What a frustrating thing - for us to always be on the wrong page. We are talking and trying to work on us, but I know it won't be able to progress if he's now in that rut. Such a bummer to realize how my actions when I was loaded with resentment has turned him this way. 
Thanks to all that post here to keep each other going!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

The forgiveness, in essence...is for you.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Just reading this thread and the talk of forgiveness made me think of this writting I have read. Here it is, not mine but made me think.

As humans we’re supposed to forgive, right? In Christendom it is taught “as God forgave us so we’re to forgive.” Isn’t that the lesson taught to us as children ? But we forget that forgiveness comes at a price. Even the Christian tradition teaches that the price God has paid to forgive mankind’s offenses was the life of His own Son. In the same way, the price paid by the betrayed spouse, if there is to be reconciliation, is high indeed. 

Forgiveness for the BS meant violating personal beliefs and values. Many BSs would never have chosen to be with someone who betrayed, lied, and deceived them. They believed in the sanctity of marriage, and to choose to stay with the WS came at the price of settling for something they never wanted.


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## beautiful_day (Mar 28, 2013)

I struggled and struggled with forgiveness during our 4 1/2 year reconciliation. I came to the conclusion that some things are simply unforgivable. But I got round this by reasoning that I accepted that I could not for give the man he was then, but he was a different man now. 

Unfortunately he hadn't actually ever given up the other woman, so all that work was for nothing.

Once I found out about his bizarre double life and left him, I felt such huge relief that I actually believed that I had finally completely forgiven him. But I think what I was actually feeling was relief to be finally rid of him and the pressure to make the marriage work.

Now it's like a huge weight has been lifted, to the point where I'm almost euphoric. I feel absolutely indifferent to him now. That's so amazing to have reached that point in such a short time, but I think it is because I've already spent so many years grieving and there's nothing left to feel about it all.


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## ExisaWAW (Mar 5, 2013)

Okay, I assume we're all talking about forgiving infidelity while still married & trying to reconcile, right?

I've been divorced for 14 months & I still haven't forgiven her for her adultery, never trying to reconcile, ruining our lives & subjecting our children to the pain & confusion of living in a broken home, etc.

I know I must get there eventually in order to set myself free, I've just not made much progress yet.

Now as far as those who are struggling to reconcile & are still married, I've read that you must get ALL the details from the WS (and if they want to rug sweep, it ain't gonna work) & look at the old relationship as dead and gone. Heck, some people go as far as getting divorced and/ or having a new ceremony. Completely burying the old relationship is key, as well as truly having a new relationship moving forward that actively addresses all the issues everyday.

Continued counseling for the next year plus, even if it's only once a month is a good idea.

Other than that, I suppose you just have work on having so many good, new memories that the betrayal gets put way back in your mind.


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## FLGator (Mar 26, 2013)

Been over a year here. 
Good and bad days. 
It takes time. I think I will know when I am ready. I think I will just feel the weight off me. 

Hard question to answer.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Eniale,

This is my belief. You forgive her as soon as you can. You don't forgive her so as to give her a pass and say it's okay that you broke my spirit and treated me like utter contemptible garbage. You gave your heart to someone you trusted and they stomped on it.

You forgive them because you love(d) them, they are human and they make mistakes, but more importantly you forgive them because in doing so you start to release the hold they have over your heart and you can begin healing.

You forgive them so that you don't become a vessel of angriness and bitterness. My EX was a cheater. She blamed everything on me. It's ok. I am almost done counseling... I am bipolar and the stress from all the crap is hard to deal with.

I am over the cheating part. I was never really bitter or angry. I let it all go through forgiving her. It was one of the best decisions I made as it helped me heal much faster than I thought I would be able to.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Forgiveness has two parts ....in your head (mind) and in your heart. It is easy to say you forgive, but to really forgive with your heart, to let go is hard! The sooner you can though the better it is for you though. It is hard on your body going through all the emotional struggles that go on with dealing with forgiveness...bitterness...revenge...anger...resentment.... better to just be rid of it and move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

That's all great, forgive and you will feel better etc etc. but what about all that you have lost? How will I ever get back what I wanted and dreamed of? What happened to the life I wanted? I got no choice in this so how do I get compensated? How am I going to be restored? What if that's not good enough for me? If that sounds selfish you bet it is, my turn. (And don't tell me god will make it better cause he allowed all this and more, I have no trust for or in him anymore.)


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> The forgiveness, in essence...is for you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

This is absolutely 100% correct.

Forgiveness is for you, not for your WS. 

That's true whether you D or R. 

Until you forgive you can find no peace. Until you forgive you cannot truly move on, because your bitterness is like an umbilical cord that attaches you silently to your WS and to their toxic past. Do you really want to drag that around with you for the rest of your life?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

jupiter13 said:


> That's all great, forgive and you will feel better etc etc. but what about all that you have lost? How will I ever get back what I wanted and dreamed of? What happened to the life I wanted? I got no choice in this so how do I get compensated? How am I going to be restored? What if that's not good enough for me? If that sounds selfish you bet it is, my turn. (And don't tell me god will make it better cause he allowed all this and more, I have no trust for or in him anymore.)


When you went to school, which of your teachers told you life was fair? They should be fired.

You forgive them so that all these points that you just made do NOT have any hold on you. There is anger and bitterness in your questions. I believe everyone who has gone through this has had those same questions don't get me wrong. The point is by forgiving them, it is the first step in releasing all that bitterness and anger.

Your spouse was a monumental turd. All of our spouses who cheated were. They made their decisions. You and any kids involved had no choice in it and you were affected by it. It isn't fair. It never was and the consequences aren't fair either but you can't do anything about it...

The point is the only thing you can control is you and all the holding onto the it's not fair things will keep you from reaching who you were really meant to be.

As for God, I'll tell you something. Many people pray for what they want to happen. It is the absolute wrong thing to do. Pray for what God wants you to have instead. The road is tough. There are a lot of bumps and bruises but God does not put anything in your life that you cannot handle.

Forgive them. Let the anger and bitterness go and focus on yourself. In time you will start becoming a better form of you. Good luck to you!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

mineforever said:


> Forgiveness has two parts ....in your head (mind) and in your heart. *It is easy to say you forgive, but to really forgive with your heart, to let go is hard! * The sooner you can though the better it is for you though. It is hard on your body going through all the emotional struggles that go on with dealing with forgiveness...bitterness...revenge...anger...resentment.... better to just be rid of it and move on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And the primary reason that forgiving is so hard is that you've got a tremendous amount emotionally invested with the "cheater." 

As both my pastor and my IC told me, forgiving my WW, while seemingly being next to impossible to comprehend in doing, was to be done for me, not her. And you don't have to do it in the presence of that person, more especially when they will fastly interject some form of "plausible deniability" about it ~ in escence, they would not own up to their misdeeds if the hardcore evidence was there in front of them and smacked them in the face ~ they will rarely, if ever, admit to any wrongdoing on their part, despite the plethora of physical evidence stacked up against them!

Forgiving her has done away with most of the "mind movies" although one will creep in every once in a great while.

Forgiveness is for the benefit of the betrayed! It is rarely, if ever, for the wayward's benefit. And as my pastor said to me, while forgiveness should be extended to help facilitate the healing process, forgetting about it is something that is altogether different. Failing to remember what has happened to us could well doom us to repeat the misery of our past!


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