# ~Are We done ? Immigrant Wife just wants more..more :(



## niceguy007 (Jan 25, 2010)

Hi everyone,
I just searched and found this forum. This is my 1st post, hope I get some good advice here, cuz I have nobody to turn to...

We got married in 2006 in India. 2nd week into our marriage we had fights due to her mother's interfarence. As she got her U.S immigrant Visa in 2007, I brought her with me to U.S. We lived with my parents for 2 years, where my mother was mean to her sometimes. I have appologized to her 100 times for my mother's behavior and I don't even talk to my mom anymore. We wanted to move out, but didn't due to finances. We finally moved out in Sep 2009, and now have a nice apartment. I fully furnished it to her liking - Leather sofa, 46" LCD TV, furniture, etc. I even painted and decorated the place to uplift it, and make it home!

Background - My wife has always has very low or no sexual desieres. I've always had to initiate it. And she thinks that it's my 'Job' to initiate it, since guys are _'Supposed'_ to. I've had a few girlfriends & Long term relations before marriage. My Ex's always found me a little wild and exciting in bed. I've never had or heard complaints about anything. My wife, however, has NO desire EVER! We hardly do it every 2-3 months, if that. She got pregnent in 2006 and had to abort it, due to personal reasons. NOW, she says she'll only have sex to MAKE a baby. I've told her we should be normal, and make love; a baby would be result of that (not the other way). I too want a child but our life is soooo messed up. She has NEVER said I Love You to me. I always say it, and she says 'me too', or 'I love you too.' AND I HAVE Mentioned this to her many - many times. But she still does not say it. 

She keeps her paycheck in her 'Personal' account, and expects me to pay for the basics. In her words, "If I have to pay, then why am I with you. I'm your wife, you should take care of me". She always wants to know how much I have saved up, even from 'before we were married.' And I don't think I should discuss that with her, because we both agreed on not asking each other about any finances "Before marriage". Now, she wants to know everything.

She is new in the country, I understand. But I've trained her and helped in every way. I taught her how to drive, go for interviews, even typed her resumes for her. I've taken her everywhere where she needs to go, cuz she doesn't know her way around much. I even help her write papers for her job (she's a teacher). In other words, I hold her hand every step she takes. She took classes at community college, so I took classes with her too - just to give her company and make her feely comfy in the new enviornment. I truly love her, and she knows this. Which is being used against me, I think. 

Now, that she's up for becoming a U.S Citizen soon, she's come up with a new idea. She wants us to sponsor her brother's family and her sister's family, and also her parents. I had told her clearly before marriage that I don't want any libility of your family, and she had agreed to that, then. Now, she says I have no real friends here, and I want to bring my family here. Problem is, that it took me 3 years to help her, train her, and get her to a point where she can now drive to her job, and knows her way around. It would take us another 5-8 years to do the same, if her family came here (not to mention financial burden on us). That would mean that for the rest of my life, I would be just helping HER Family get 'Established'. When will I live MY life?

Bottom line - she does not respect me at all. She has said some very demeaning words and things to me. She's Quick to lash out, use verbal abuse, and has no concept of respecting husband. She has no sexual desire what so ever. I have tried to make her feel like a Princess on many occassions, but it does not last. I doubt she even loves me (I know she doesn't). It seems we are in an arrangement. We live like roomates. I get so sexually frustrated that I can't sleep with her, so I sleep on the floor in the living room of our apartment. Sometimes I watch porn just to get off. She knows it, and doesn't care...rather encourages me at times. 

IS THIS BAD SITUATION ? CAN IT BE FIXED ? cuz... I am a nice guy to her, and I really love her..

Thanks...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It's wonderful that you are so caring and helpful to your wife.

But I would seriously NOT have a child with a marriage in your condition. It won't and doesn't make things better-maybe worse!

I would not sponsor her family until you get your family straightened out. If you think it's bad now...add family to your mix.

I would quit coddling her. Allow her and encourage her to make new friends and get involved with hobbies/organizations that help others or for enjoyment. If she doesn't feel like she has friends, then it's up to her to reach out. Taking classes was kind (with her) but it allowed her to use you as a security blanket and not meet 
others.

Sexually, if you aren't compatible now..in a new marriage..you have your work cut out. It can be fixed and made better-only if BOTH of you do the work.


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