# Separated 2 years now, may lose my job (stressed!)



## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

I just want to SCREAM! Ugh!

I last visited this site a year and a half ago, a few months after my wife and I agreed to get a divorce. We're still married for financial reasons, but I'm so ready to move on. I'm sick and tired of sleeping in the same bed with her (that's why I'm up at 2:08am writing this), but there's no extra bedroom in our house for me. 

She's had two years to find a job. Without a job she won't have medical benefits after we divorce. She's a teacher and can really only apply in the fall when there are job openings. But I can't wait another year only to find she can't get a job *again*. 

I was planning to bite the bullet and start the divorce after the holidays, but I just found out that I may lose my job due to layoffs in about 5 weeks. A job I've had for 17 years. Now I'm faced with spending much of my free time working on my resume, and looking for employment in and out of state. At 50 years old it's going to be difficult for me to find something. So the divorce is on hold.

I've got no one to talk to about this. We haven't told anyone about our failed marriage. 

Oh, and I haven't had sex in two years. 

I'M SO STRESSED RIGHT NOW! GAWD!

I want to move back to the Seattle where she and I both grew up, and where our friends and families live. We moved to Portland 17 years ago and I haven't made any new friends. All my friends are 300 miles away. 

She wants me out, too. She told me "Just get a job in Seattle and go, the kids will understand". But what would that do to my parental rights after divorce? I can't believe this. I just can't believe it's come to this. 

So this is me venting, plain and simple.

Thanks.

- Nine-E


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm so sorry. Sounds like you are in a very bad position and have been for a long time. Wish i could offer some advice. Its bad enough to go through a breakup and divorce, but to lose your job and be stuck living with her sounds maddening. I know it about drove me banana's for the few months I was stuck with my ex in the same house.

I'd go ahead and get the divorce so if you do move it can't be seen as abandonment. Then once that is done you can go anywhere you like and start fresh. 

You say she wants you out too, but doesn't have a job. How does she plan to live?


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Nine - E: Have you sought any legal advice re: your employment situation? I know it is different in the US vs Canada - but after that many years with the company I would hope that they are cushioning the blow by giving you a decent package. You may want to seek some advice - be prepared because companies will want you to sign a release and will always offer less than they are willing to give.


If you move back to Seattle - can you take the kids with you? How is your stbxw's situation in Portland? Does she have family and friends? If you're both not working - then arguably, if you have friends and family in Seattle it is a better support network for the kids.


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

I saw a lawyer once several months ago. I need to see her again. The package from my employer would be 4 months pay plus placement service. 

My kids are 16 and 13. High school would be a difficult time for them to transition, especially for my daughter who has low self esteem as it is. I think my wife would prefer to be back in Seattle also, but we're really worried about our daughter. She's showing signs of depression and we don't want to make it worse by moving north. 

My wife currently works quite a bit as a substitute, so she is earning some money. 

We're on pretty good terms. We don't fight. We are civil. But yeah, better see that lawyer. I just got an email from a potential employer in Seattle.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

You will have to move to were the JOBS are, not to were your friends are. I am 55 and in the same boat. No sweat, life is good!


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

You're right, but many people I've worked with recently quit for jobs in Seattle, so I'm hoping to capitalize on the "who-you-know" thing and follow in their footsteps.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Good Luck Nine-E!


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## TNman (Dec 24, 2012)

Yeah it is amazing how stressors keep piling on while you are down isn't it? Focus on getting a job wherever it is in my view-personally I wouldn't be too concerned about the abandonment issue in your efforts to provide for your broken family. Good luck to you.


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