# New friendship/ possible future relationship



## Bulfrog1987

Some of you have followed along with the downturn of my marriage since last year and up until a few months back when my husband committed suicide.

I thought I’d update you all, as many had encouraged me to check in from time to time. I’m doing alright, having moments and bouts of grief, even guilt still. I’m working with a therapist to sift through things, struck up a friendship with a guy, who I can’t even begin to understand why he isn’t running for the hills from my mess. It’s very odd.

Well, maybe not odd, there are good men out there, I’ve just not experienced such grace and no judgment in my own life from one as I am know. I’m trying to figure out what God is up to.

It’s been his peace alone that’s allowed me to carrying on without falling into a hole like I see so many other widows of suicide doing. I loved my LH, still do and I’m so sorry he was as sad as he was and I didn’t recognize it. I wish I could have fixed that. He wouldn’t let me or anyone now in hindsight. It was as if he wanted to remain miserable. I can’t understand it.

He took a lot from me over the years, then to add this to the mix? I’m mad many days, but most I just feel pity for him. Part of me wonders besides the childhood trauma I’ve recently learned about, the loss of our 16 year old in 2016, some of the terrible things he’d done and said to me if he just thought I could t forgive him. I never left, I was right there waiting. I never gave that impression, I just think he could face what was eating at him and he used me as the scape goat.

Anyhow, it’s a daily process in giving this guilt to God. Then it seems I take it back as I feel like I should carry it, give it, take it, give it, take it. _sigh_

Looking forward cautiously in the things that are unfolding.


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## Diana7

The new friend sounds like a good man. Is he too a Christian? 
I lost my mum to suicide when she was in her 50's. We were close and it's a terrible thing to face. 
When I met my second husband of 17 years I had so much baggage with all that had happened in my life up to then, he helped me a lot and I him. He was God's gift to me. 
Maybe God is working in yours the same way? Time will tell.


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## Bulfrog1987

Diana7 said:


> The new friend sounds like a good man. Is he too a Christian?
> I lost my mum to suicide when she was in her 50's. We were close and it's a terrible thing to face.
> When I met my second husband of 17 years I had so much baggage with all that had happened in my life up to then, he helped me a lot and I him. He was God's gift to me.
> Maybe God is working in yours the same way? Time will tell.


He is. and he knows everything. My entire past, besides my best friend and I suppose on here if you’ve read my back story which I’m sure I haven’t even told in it’s entirety, he knows it all. 

I can’t imagine I would deserve such a man in my life. Is it a desire? Of course, but.. I think with everything I’ve been through it just seems so far fetched, so.. I just can’t believe what’s happened since my husband committed suicide. The outpouring from all over and now this too? It’s much more than I deserve and I’m not certain what to do with it.


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## DownByTheRiver

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Some of you have followed along with the downturn of my marriage since last year and up until a few months back when my husband committed suicide.
> 
> I thought I’d update you all, as many had encouraged me to check in from time to time. I’m doing alright, having moments and bouts of grief, even guilt still. I’m working with a therapist to sift through things, struck up a friendship with a guy, who I can’t even begin to understand why he isn’t running for the hills from my mess. It’s very odd.
> 
> Well, maybe not odd, there are good men out there, I’ve just not experienced such grace and no judgment in my own life from one as I am know. I’m trying to figure out what God is up to.
> 
> It’s been his peace alone that’s allowed me to carrying on without falling into a hole like I see so many other widows of suicide doing. I loved my LH, still do and I’m so sorry he was as sad as he was and I didn’t recognize it. I wish I could have fixed that. He wouldn’t let me or anyone now in hindsight. It was as if he wanted to remain miserable. I can’t understand it.
> 
> He took a lot from me over the years, then to add this to the mix? I’m mad many days, but most I just feel pity for him. Part of me wonders besides the childhood trauma I’ve recently learned about, the loss of our 16 year old in 2016, some of the terrible things he’d done and said to me if he just thought I could t forgive him. I never left, I was right there waiting. I never gave that impression, I just think he could face what was eating at him and he used me as the scape goat.
> 
> Anyhow, it’s a daily process in giving this guilt to God. Then it seems I take it back as I feel like I should carry it, give it, take it, give it, take it. _sigh_
> 
> Looking forward cautiously in the things that are unfolding.


I hope things get easier as you go along. I think they will. I hope this new guy is more of a happy person and a sad person cuz you don't need to have a repeat of that.


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## Diana7

Bulfrog1987 said:


> He is. and he knows everything. My entire past, besides my best friend and I suppose on here if you’ve read my back story which I’m sure I haven’t even told in it’s entirety, he knows it all.
> 
> I can’t imagine I would deserve such a man in my life. Is it a desire? Of course, but.. I think with everything I’ve been through it just seems so far fetched, so.. I just can’t believe what’s happened since my husband committed suicide. The outpouring from all over and now this too? It’s much more than I deserve and I’m not certain what to do with it.


Well grace is when God gives what we don't deserve. Just be thankful.
Take it a day at a time and see what happens. It's very early days for you so just let yourself have time to heal.

Has he been married before?


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## BeyondRepair007

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Some of you have followed along with the downturn of my marriage since last year and up until a few months back when my husband committed suicide.
> 
> I thought I’d update you all, as many had encouraged me to check in from time to time. I’m doing alright, having moments and bouts of grief, even guilt still. I’m working with a therapist to sift through things, struck up a friendship with a guy, who I can’t even begin to understand why he isn’t running for the hills from my mess. It’s very odd.
> 
> Well, maybe not odd, there are good men out there, I’ve just not experienced such grace and no judgment in my own life from one as I am know. I’m trying to figure out what God is up to.
> 
> It’s been his peace alone that’s allowed me to carrying on without falling into a hole like I see so many other widows of suicide doing. I loved my LH, still do and I’m so sorry he was as sad as he was and I didn’t recognize it. I wish I could have fixed that. He wouldn’t let me or anyone now in hindsight. It was as if he wanted to remain miserable. I can’t understand it.
> 
> He took a lot from me over the years, then to add this to the mix? I’m mad many days, but most I just feel pity for him. Part of me wonders besides the childhood trauma I’ve recently learned about, the loss of our 16 year old in 2016, some of the terrible things he’d done and said to me if he just thought I could t forgive him. I never left, I was right there waiting. I never gave that impression, I just think he could face what was eating at him and he used me as the scape goat.
> 
> Anyhow, it’s a daily process in giving this guilt to God. Then it seems I take it back as I feel like I should carry it, give it, take it, give it, take it. _sigh_
> 
> Looking forward cautiously in the things that are unfolding.


Thank you for the kind words yesterday.

I haven't followed your history, and I've never lost someone to suicide. I can't imagine the devastation someone feels even in estranged relationships.

This new guy sounds like a good one to me. Not many people I know actually can see (and love), a person behind all the "mess" to use your word. It's far more common to see the mess and assume the worst about a person.

"_Looking forward cautiously_" is exactly the best thing in my opinion. Anticipate good things, but don't walk forward blindly. From your post I can see you've been hurt badly over the years and this will take some time to heal. Your new fella can help tremendously with that if he really is Mr. Fantastic and is there for you.

I would only add one piece of advice, and this is from my own personal experience.

During this time of excitement with a new and positive relationship, don't change your center. Don't forget your foundation in Christ as the one unshakable, unchanging, unmovable thing in your life. It's so very easy to get wound up in new feelings and a newfound love that a person inadvertently replaces Christ with the new love. It's not always obvious that it's happening either, but it will always lead to disaster. I have done this so I know how easy it is to do, even without realizing it.

Stay strong @Bulfrog1987 and good luck to you in your new relationship.


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