# Can a lawyer really do this?



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I'm separated and finally able to afford a lawyer. My kids and I live in Town A. My STBXW lives in Town B. I work in A. She works in B. The kids stay with me during the week in Town A and she picks them up fridays from school (she has fridays off) in town A and I go to Town B on sunday afternoon to pick them up.

Clear as mud? Here's the fun part. Her and I already had a discussion that I would file as primary and she would take standard visitation because of the living situation. She can't physically get them to school on time because A and B are 55 miles apart. She is in class to prep for teacher certification and plans to start teaching "somewhere" in the fall. We don't know where. It might be around town A, maybe town B. I started discussing how the tax refund was paying for the lawyer and she said fine but to remember that she gets the kids when she moves here.

I had to ask her again what she meant. Basically it was in her head (but not in our agreement or in any of our conversations) that I would file as primary and then when she moves here we would change her to primary and kids stay with her. Also that I would not ask her for child support but she would get it from me. And she assumed this would go in the final divorce decree as some type of if clause. 

I tried explaining that I dont' think that's how it works. I think that the way it works is I file as primary, she doesn't pay child support, then, if and when she ever moves if she wants to change the living situation it's up to her to file the paperwork or hire a lawyer to do so.

The whole process has been difficult mostly because she's clueless about the process and honestly believes no matter how I try to explain it that she will have to pay child support to me just to show the judge she can take care of her kids if and when she is ready and physically located close enough to their schools to be able to.

Opinions?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Sounds like she hasn't changed a bit.


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Conrad said:


> Sounds like she hasn't changed a bit.


Bwahaha......you have a mind like a steel trap and the memory of an elephant. You are correct. She hasn't changed a bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

How old are the children?


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

827Aug said:


> How old are the children?


Three kids. 12, 9, 5.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

She should go to work in a bakery, because she REALLY likes to eat cake.


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Also, I've been living in town A since August of last year (2012). It was something she agreed to since it was out of necessity. They had been commuting with me for three years and it was time to stop that. I gave her the option of moving here last summer but she never made it happen. So i took an apartment. Kids have been doing great in school and adjusted well to the schedule.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Conrad said:


> She should go to work in a bakery, because she REALLY likes to eat cake.


Oh, it gets even better than that. I'm paying all the bills in both places. Utilities, mortgage, insurance.....everything for both the house and the apt. She survives on her one grand a month part time job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

one_strange_otter said:


> Oh, it gets even better than that. I'm paying all the bills in both places. Utilities, mortgage, insurance.....everything for both the house and the apt. She survives on her one grand a month part time job.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you're ok with that?


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

My option is to do what? The house is in my name too. It's full of my stuff. If I don't pay then she's homeless. I'll explain some more later. Gotta run.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

Wow i would not have left my house... I work 90 miles from my home but I make it clear to my wife that it is still my house and if she wants to be separated then she is going to be the one moving... which happens March 1st (fingers crossed).


----------



## totamm (May 1, 2012)

If you're not going to request child support from her then why not file as joint custody with you having residential custody and she has visitation based on current living circumstances.

You can add a clause to the agreement that when exwife relocates to the same neighborhood or within xx number of miles, the visitation agreement will be amended so that you both have equal time with the kids, something like you each get 2 days during the week and you alternate weekends Friday through Saturday.

Make it clear that neither one of you will pay child support to the other regardless of the visitation agreement and further amendments.

Write it up now, cover all the bases to the satisfaction of both of you, and avoid spending more money now and even more money when you would have to go back to court at a later date.

I don't think exwife is so off base here.


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

She wants child support though. Basically when she is close enough she wants primary custody and for me to start paying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

one_strange_otter said:


> She wants child support though. Basically when she is close enough she wants primary custody and for me to start paying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sure all the money would be spent on the kids


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Po12345 said:


> Wow i would not have left my house... I work 90 miles from my home but I make it clear to my wife that it is still my house and if she wants to be separated then she is going to be the one moving... which happens March 1st (fingers crossed).


I'm the one asking for the divorce so I'm the one that left. I had been commuting from Town B to Town A for 4 years.


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Conrad said:


> I'm sure all the money would be spent on the kids


Basically what we agreed to back at Thanksgiving was that I offered, because of her job and living situation, to take primary conservatorship and pay her $850 a month through the end of 2013. By that time she should be moved to Town A and having been working a full time job for 3 months at least. That was the total of the agreement. Nothing about her taking primary conservatorship when she moves here. So she dropped that on me the other day. 

I just feel like the paperwork should just say that I'm primary conservator, I'm giving her $850 a month through the end of the year as spousal support and that I won't be asking for child support. If she gets here and finds that her job and living situation allows for her to get them to school on time then she can ask to have the custody arrangement changed but that would be totally on her to find a lawyer and do.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

And, you need to tell her that.

"I'm not ok with substantial changes to custody"


----------

