# Just found out :(



## Cloudy78 (Feb 9, 2012)

Hi guys

Well, i just found out. My wife has been sleeping with another man.

I am devastated. I am in shock.

I had a thought tonight when I got in. As i was unable to ever check her iPhone, i decided to erase mine and restore it from her last backup, which luckily was tonight. Once the phone booted back up it was pretty much a clone of hers, I had all her text messages.

All I can say is the ones between her and the OM were so vulgar and heartbreaking to read. To read what they had been doing together and the language they used, it is soul destroying.
She has been in an EA with him for a while and they slept together on Monday and Tuesday.

I rang her and told her I knew, she denied it at first but when I told her I had all her text messages she was shocked. I told her to come home and tell me everything to my face.

She has left now and I am here to pick up the pieces.
How could she ever do this me? Or our family?
If you see my other thread it tells you more of our situation.

I'm just lost at the moment, my life how it has been for the last 10 years is now over, and my two boys are now from a broken home. I never thought anything like this would happen.


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## blissful (Nov 14, 2011)

i'm sorry u are going through this. you're gonna be in shock for a few hours, probably even days. once the shock & horror wear off, then u'll be able to think a little clearer. nothing anyone tells you right now will be able to take the pain away.

just know that right now, she probably feels like she has all the power, but in a few days time when the reality of the situation hits, then she's gonna feel like [email protected] By then, yo would have processed through the shock & will know what route you want to take going forward.

Once again, I'm so sorry. It suck to be at this point, but it doesn't last forever.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

You have already confronted and she will be choosing what to say to you. Keep the ears and eyes open. Especially the body language. Also she will be in contact with the OM on way back home. Collect yourself, don't get angry. 
A lot of ground needs to be covered. Hold patience.

Sorry about your situation.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Quoted from your original post




> P.S. There is no one else in the equation, no EA or PA. She has sworn on her childrens lives. She is not interested in other men, she spends all her time out of work with me and the children, and her phone and her laptop is always unlocked. I set up her password for her FB account and that remains unchanged (I tested). There is nothing at all suspicious that would point me down this road. When she travels/stays over we're always on the phone together chatting most of the night. She is a good women with good morals.


Be very very careful trusting this woman again. I know what you are going through is heart-breaking. You said you were talking to your brother right. Keep talking to your friends or brother , someone you can confide in. The next few weeks will be pretty hard for you. Go through the newbies thread. 

Don't beg, cry or plead. This is the most important part. You cannot beg her back into a relationship. Even if she comes back, it is worthless . Start detaching from her. Also start planning for separation(The logistics, who moves out, who gets what).


Who is the OM? Find his wife and expose the affair if he is married. If they are co workers, call and inform the HR department

Edit: Just noticed, for F*ck sake, she f*cked him on Valentine Day's eve and on Valentine's Day.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I am so sorry.
i realise that at the moment you are in shock and probably denial but you have a few things to think about and they are NOT about your wife.

You need to look after yourself and your children as a priority.
This is your first job. 

Read the CWI Newbies thread as many times as you need to.

Don't decide anything . There is no rush. Nothing is going to happen fast.

Let me say this again. You have to look after you because your wife is in an affair she is going to appear as if an alien has inhabited her body and be incredibly selfish. Lie to you. Maybe to your kids.
Assume this is the new her. 
You may never see the woman you loved again. 
Sorry.. 

Do not tell her about this site. 
Pass lock your computer. 

if you are not sleeping go to the Doctor and get some help. Your kids need you to be strong. Anti depressants and/or anti anxiety may be very useful

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME!!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

"""

Don't beg, cry or plead. This is the most important part. You cannot beg her back into a relationship. Even if she comes back, it is worthless . Start detaching from her. Also start planning for separation(The logistics, who moves out, who gets what).


Who is the OM? Find his wife and expose the affair if he is married. If they are co workers, call and inform the HR department

"""

Do this pronto , there are details in the following link:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

What you'd likely hear is she'd try to find out what exactly you know and confirm only the events that you are aware off. She might tell you she broke off with the OM today, and she wants to R.

Don't believe anything she would say, I can't stress that enough. The affair will likely go underground, for whatever reason nearly every cheater tries to pull that first.

Do not make any decision to reconcile that early; do not even present it as an option. She has to fight for it with teeth and nails. If you give in to her right away, you'll end up in the world of pain.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

you should not say what you know completely, else she will only admit what you know, ask her to explain it without trickle truth.
expect a lot of blame shifting, dont fall for it.
cheating is completely her choice, you dont have anything to do with that.

Dont beg, dont cry stay calm and be strong. she is a cheater, a broken image of your loving wife. dont offer a R or reconcile soon, without her facing any consequences.
Its time for you to raise from beta to alpha male.


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## Zak68 (Feb 14, 2012)

I know that feeling. I found emails and the more I read the worse I felt. The first thing I did was forward myself a copy of all her emails to the OM and deleted all evidence I did that. I still have those copies even though my wife and I have reconciled. 

Everyone goes through the stages. To this I still have mental movies and flashbacks. I saw the OM on Valentine's day and it brought it all back up to the surface for me and I found out in 2009.

I agree with everyone. Don't beg her to come back. She is at fault. Any hope of repairing and rebuilding is in her hands and it starts with complete honesty. If she can't give you that you deserve to be free of her.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I am just over 1 month from D-day. 

Implement the 180.

You will have horrible days and I mean horrible. Make sure you have folks that you can call and talk. This forum and my friends and family are the ones that are getting me through it.


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## Cloudy78 (Feb 9, 2012)

Thanks for your support guys. At the moment I am experiencing a rang of emotions, but more than anything I am so angry.
In my eyes, to cheat on your spouse is the worst, it's the lowest thing you can do. It shows you have no respect for your family and the institution of marriage itself. 
The text messages they exchanged to each other are despicable, talking in the worst language about what they wanted to do to each other. 
To read them is like reading a strangers words, not my wife, my wife died sometime last year.
There is no chance for reconciliation, I do not want it, I am not wired that way, once she cheated that was it, the marriage was over. I asked for her engagement and wedding ring, I'll be pawning them this week.
I will stay amicable for the kids, even though I never wish to see her again.
The current arrangement is that i am staying at the house with the kids, we will organise time on a weekly basis when she can spend with them. 
Unfortunately our finances will be tied for another 2 years until all debt is cleared.

The truth is I am still in shock, but surrounding myself with family, friends and you guys is helping a lot.
I just fear those times in the night when I wake and struggle to get back to sleep, a mountain of thoughts raging through my head.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear this happened. 

Is the OM married?
Where is your wife staying?
Have you seen a lawyer?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Sounds like you made a decision to D.

Get a good lawyer.

Watch what you say to the kids, your WS and anyone else who could become involved in the D proceedings.

Be careful of what you do with finances, cars, house, and any other assets. The lawyer will give you counsel. I have seen where the BS had done things that he/she thought was OK to do and it stung them in court. In my state assets basically go 50/50. Then the only part that becomes up to a judge to decide is alimony and this is where I have seen things get screwy. Some states allow you to recuse a judge. So if you get one that tends to lean towards alimony ask for another one until you get one that is BS friendly (if your state has that process).

Sorry to see you go through this.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Cloudy Sorry to hear about all this I know it hurts a lot of us have been there and we know the hurt and anger you are feeling.

Sounds like you have taken some good steps. You really need to expose the other man and do it quick. Take care of your boys try and get out and do something with them. Stay tough with your wife at some point when her friends and family turn on her and the POSM decides he is done with her she will be looking to come back.

As far as your emotions the one smart thing I did was go to IC for myself. I was feeling destructive towards myself and others and it really helped.


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## Cloudy78 (Feb 9, 2012)

The OM is divorced and lives about 200 miles away, he works for the same company and he comes up her office a few times a year. They have been having an EA for a few months. 
Looking at the texts he isn't in this for a relationship, just the sex. 
I think that makes it even more sad than it already is.
At the moment we can't divorce as the house is in negative equity and also the debts we've accumulated together won't be paid off for another 2 years. That's why for now the finances have to remain as they are, we just need to negotiate the split of disposable income each month.
The boys need to stay with me at the house as I take them to school and pick them up, she is unable to do this due to the long hours of the job and the travelling she does.
She is the one who did this, not me.
At the moment, that has to do for now. I can't think too much into the future, I just need to focus on me and the boys right now.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Cloudy, I am so sorry that this has happened to you, I am almost shedding tears here writing this (at work, for god's sake) for your pain because it reminds me so much of what I went through last May.

You are not alone in this - this will peeve you that us anonymous people on this site are telling you the things you will feel and go through so accurately, however it also will bring comfort and can give you a lot of confidence to move forward with your life.

This is the most painful thing ever. I know it. Your W will not really demonstrate that she acknowledges it, she is in the fog and it is impossible to wake someone up from that state if they don't want to. The most frustrating thing you will face is how she deals with this, as if it is the right thing and really is a good thing. You have a right to be p!ssed and you have the right to do anything you need to cope with this, tell whoever you need whatever you need. Do not accept whatever blame she puts on you because right now she will throw EVERY thing hurtful she can at you: that time 7 years ago when she caught you looking at girlie pics, that year you abanoned her for your work leaving her tied to the house with the kid, that little white lie you may have told, that bad anniversary gift you gave her yadda yadda... She will fling all kinds of crap your way for you to contend with.

So do the 180 people are talking about here. Right now she cannot be remorseful, there is a chance someday she may be but it will likely be past the point of no return for you.

yes I'm projecting a lot of things from my circumstances onto yours, but know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, your life will go on and there is a lot of good things ahead, not even that far off. You will find that once she is out and you start to let go that a lot of things that were difficult become easy, you will breathe and sleep easier. Parenting becomes harder , but you'll become a better father and feel more rewarded because of it.

Good luck to you, as you become ready for things you will make them happen, don't feel like you have to do anything other than what you want to. Listen to your body, meditate and give it what it needs.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I would contact the HR departmen and expose this. I know your wife will not like it but I am betting they text emailed and every thing else on company time. They will both I am sure have at least a write up to deal with.

I turned the POSM that my wife was involved with into his Principal and the District, he is a school teacher. I leared the hard way getting these things at in the open are for the best. Make sure your wifes family knows about all of it. She will spin a story making you look like the bad guy. They should know about the emails and that fact she cheated and when.

Yes take care of yourself and those boys. Your wife did not think once about you or her boys before she spread her legs for that POS. 

I will put big money on the fact that your wife will want to work things out with you at some point just be ready for that and be rational in your thinking


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Keep the records. Since you plan on D, expose it to friends and family(her family too) before she files some false charges. Is exposing the OM an option? But then she might get spiteful and vengeful with money and kids when you divorce.

How is she reacting to the whole situation?


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Read the following it has important guidelines and tips 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Since you know you're going to divorce her you might want to just play it cool, don't play your entire hand and do things on the sly to protect your assets whatever they may be.

Consult with an attorney while telling her you're not sure what you're going to do about the marriage. Always be a few steps ahead.

Remember the courts aren't going to care who cheated when they make decisions in regard to asset distribution and custody and such.

As much as it hurts, it's not a consideration in most if not all states.


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## Cloudy78 (Feb 9, 2012)

I've extracted all the SMS messages off the phone and they are safe on my laptop, just incase I need them.
No point exposing the OM. The problem is, although she is the one who is the wrong, I still have to stay kinda amicable. Mothers have so much pulling power when it comes to kids and money.
Typical reaction to the confrontation, she has started to shift the blame towards me, laughable! As though I made her cheat.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Contact their employer and inform them of the affair.

It is their environment which permitted it to happen and no doubt their money which paid fir him to travel to have sex with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> """
> 
> Don't beg, cry or plead. This is the most important part. You cannot beg her back into a relationship. Even if she comes back, it is worthless . Start detaching from her. Also start planning for separation(The logistics, who moves out, who gets what).
> 
> ...


Best advice. Don't sound like a whiney B either. She will just remember why she did what she did. Your life is not over, you lived before her, you will live after her. 
What you focus on now is showing your boys how to be men and what is not acceptable, and get your ass in check. You'll make it man.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Contact their employer and inform them of the affair.
> 
> It is their environment which permitted it to happen and no doubt their money which paid fir him to travel to have sex with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This kind of advice again. You know this type of stuff gets people hurt, right? He just needs to sort out his business and move on. That is such a b!tch move to ruin careers because his woman can't keep her legs closed. If my woman cheats, how can I be mad at the guy? HE'S A GUY! He needs to check her!

Yes, they're both at fault, I know that's the sole argument, but who is MOST at fault here? Her. Deal with the consequences within the marriage, whatever that may entail for you now, but don't be a sour grape kinda guy, no one respects him.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Cloudy78 said:


> I've extracted all the SMS messages off the phone and they are safe on my laptop, just incase I need them.
> No point exposing the OM. The problem is, although she is the one who is the wrong, I still have to stay kinda amicable. Mothers have so much pulling power when it comes to kids and money.
> Typical reaction to the confrontation, she has started to shift the blame towards me, laughable! As though I made her cheat.


Why would you possibly need proof of the affair?

We're living in a "no fault legal system" nowadays. The courts don't care, odds are your divorce will settle before it goes to trial and you'll hash out your own terms, even if it goes to trial the judge will not say "well you cheated on him so he gets more", the affair has no bearing on asset distribution or child custody whatsoever. 

Forget about blameshifting and all that other crap. 

The only one who has to be convinced that it happened is YOU.

Engage her as little as possible, business only, in regards to finances, the household and the kids. 

Leave the personal stuff out of your conversations, it's pointless.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

hisfac said:


> Why would you possibly need proof of the affair?
> 
> We're living in a "no fault legal system" nowadays. The courts don't care, odds are your divorce will settle before it goes to trial and you'll hash out your own terms, even if it goes to trial the judge will not say "well you cheated on him so he gets more", the affair has no bearing on asset distribution or child custody whatsoever.
> 
> ...


If this is indeed a fact, this is troubling. Who allowed that to take effect? Must have been a bunch of cheaters on that panel.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

mikeydread1982 said:


> If this is indeed a fact, this is troubling. Who allowed that to take effect? Must have been a bunch of cheaters on that panel.


Man do you have a lot of catching up to do.

Start with a Google search on "No Fault Divorce".

The typical scenario in many divorces:

Hard working guy works so many long hours to provide for wife and young children that he doesn't give her the attention she feels she needs. While he's working 12 hour days or longer, and then coming home and collapsing on the sofa, she's out screwing some guy who is giving her what her husband cannot.

The affair is discovered, she says "yeah you got me it's your fault for neglecting me", a divorce is filed by one or the other, she is usually given sole occupancy of the marital residence, he's kicked out by the courts and is living in a small apartment or with relatives paying so much in support that he barely has enough to live on, and worse yet, the OM moves in and basically replaces him in his own home. The wife is usually given sole custody and the husband visitation because she was the primary caregiver (because he was working all the time).

It happens.

All the time. Usually to the guy because much more often than not the guy is the breadwinner but it happens to women too.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

hisfac, it is no fault as you describe in most but not all American jurisdictions, however in some states there are more drastic consequences for teh adulterer.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

btw- exposing OM can still be beneficial even if you dont wish to R


you just may have him think twice before getting involved with another married woman, you may save another man from going thru what you are now


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Contact their employer and inform them of the affair.
> 
> It is their environment which permitted it to happen and no doubt their money which paid fir him to travel to have sex with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have to say I completely agree with this. She must be snapped out of her fog and she must face some consequences for her actions. The OM needs to face consequences as well. Bottom line is that unless she is held accountable your kids will learn it's ok to hurt people and cheat and nothing will come of it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am so sorry to read what you're going through  Stay strong.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> This kind of advice again. You know this type of stuff gets people hurt, right? He just needs to sort out his business and move on. That is such a b!tch move to ruin careers because his woman can't keep her legs closed. If my woman cheats, how can I be mad at the guy? HE'S A GUY! He needs to check her!
> 
> Yes, they're both at fault, I know that's the sole argument, but who is MOST at fault here? Her. Deal with the consequences within the marriage, whatever that may entail for you now, but don't be a sour grape kinda guy, no one respects him.


It's not a b#tch move. Its called telling the truth and holding people accountable for their actions.

Keeping silent and helping people cover up things is not only incredibly passive, but it just reinforces with them and others that this crap is tolerated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> I have to say I completely agree with this. She must be snapped out of her fog and she must face some consequences for her actions. The OM needs to face consequences as well. Bottom line is that unless she is held accountable your kids will learn it's ok to hurt people and cheat and nothing will come of it.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> This kind of advice again. You know this type of stuff gets people hurt, right? He just needs to sort out his business and move on. That is such a b!tch move to ruin careers because his woman can't keep her legs closed. If my woman cheats, how can I be mad at the guy? HE'S A GUY! He needs to check her!
> 
> Yes, they're both at fault, I know that's the sole argument, but who is MOST at fault here? Her. Deal with the consequences within the marriage, whatever that may entail for you now, but don't be a sour grape kinda guy, no one respects him.


 You are so wrong here. He has every right to do whatever he can legally to the other man. The gloves are off. This man stepped into his marriage without concern. This OM must never be tempted to be involved with her again. For this to be true, there must be as much consequences as possible. The OM is lucky that we live in a civilized society. In the past less civilized times (and in some countries even today) the penalty dealt for cheating with another persons spouse would be far worse.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Cloudy78 said:


> She has left now and I am here to pick up the pieces.


I know you don't think so now, but this is a good thing. You finally have the truth about what kind of "woman" you have been married to. You can finally be free.

Did she take the boys with her? If not, document this. It may be the only way you could get custody, because being an unscrupulous woman, unfortunately, won't count against her. As the mother, she already has the advantage. If you can document that she left and didn't take the boys with her, that might work in your favor.




> How could she ever do this me? Or our family?


I'm going to say it, as harsh as it is, its the truth. Because she is a low down, dirty wh0re. Maybe to do this to someone who isn't blood is one thing, but when you cheat on your spouse, you cheat on your kids.

And cheaters, don't even chime in saying that isn't true. When you hurt the person your kids love, you hurt the kids.
Not only that, you rob time from your kids in favor of having sex with someone other than their other parent.




> I'm just lost at the moment, my life how it has been for the last 10 years is now over, and my two boys are now from a broken home.


Don't ever think that. No matter what happens, they have you!!

Its proven now they can't count on their mother to look after their best interests. But as long as they have you, they have something. Just remember that.



> I never thought anything like this would happen.


None of us did. It happens to the best of us, by the worst of them.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> This kind of advice again. You know this type of stuff gets people hurt, right? He just needs to sort out his business and move on. That is such a b!tch move to ruin careers because his woman can't keep her legs closed. If my woman cheats, how can I be mad at the guy? HE'S A GUY! He needs to check her!
> 
> Yes, they're both at fault, I know that's the sole argument, but who is MOST at fault here? Her. Deal with the consequences within the marriage, whatever that may entail for you now, but don't be a sour grape kinda guy, no one respects him.


All else equal the wife is most accountable.

That said, if this was me, the dude would not come out of this very well. Just sayin. Guys should know better. I am very sorry but you messed with the wrong guys wife. You play ... you takes your chances.

I think it sends the wrong message when people defend the OM and say it is all on the WW. I think how much scorched earth depends on the circumstances. If he is a predator who did this for another notch, he would be history and the world would have one less scumbag on it. So it depends.

If you do nothing to this guy you are his b!tch.

B!tches Aint Sh!t -- Dr. Dre ( I prefer Ben Folds version however )


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What a crappy woman.

Cheating on you and abandoning her kids. Nice.

So sorry you are going through this


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I am so sorry you are going through this. Many of us are dealing with the same situation. I wish there was an easy way out of all the pain for you and all the rest of us living with this gut wrenching pain. Stay strong, be there for your kids, you will make it even though the tasks ahead feel so hard.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> This kind of advice again. You know this type of stuff gets people hurt, right? He just needs to sort out his business and move on. That is such a b!tch move to ruin careers because his woman can't keep her legs closed. If my woman cheats, how can I be mad at the guy? HE'S A GUY! He needs to check her!
> 
> Yes, they're both at fault, I know that's the sole argument, but who is MOST at fault here? Her. Deal with the consequences within the marriage, whatever that may entail for you now, but don't be a sour grape kinda guy, no one respects him.


This is so nutless and metrosexual it makes me want to put a fist through the screen. I can't stand it when posters advise putting your tail between your legs and slinking off. 

:banghead::bsflag::moon:


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

chapparal said:


> This is so nutless and metrosexual it makes me want to put a fist through the screen. I can't stand it when posters advise putting your tail between your legs and slinking off.
> 
> :banghead::bsflag::moon:


Yeah, he's gonna go tell on the guy to his boss, real f-ing tough. If he wants to show dominance, confront him face to face. Telling on him is going to do what? He "might" lose his job....oooooooooh, point made. And don't hit the screen, you might hurt yourself.
Like I said, I always hold the person in the relationship that cheats accountable, she might have been feeding that dude lies about her husband, doesn't make it right, but he may have been going to her rescue. His wife was the one on her back going to pound town. She took the vows, not the guy, she chose to invite him in. So yeah, go ahead, tell on him, I hope his boss laughs and says to check your woman and keep your personal business out of his office. If it didn't affect productivity, big deal. And believe me, that's what happens most times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> All else equal the wife is most accountable.
> 
> That said, if this was me, the dude would not come out of this very well. Just sayin. Guys should know better. I am very sorry but you messed with the wrong guys wife. You play ... you takes your chances.
> 
> ...


I agree with you to a degree. Yes, if you want to make a point to the other man, scare the **** out of him. Show him you're a mad man that will do harm for stepping into his family. But telling on him? They even teach 5 year olds not to tattle. If you're not going to do anything physically like he did to your wife in the sack, telling on him makes you that guy. No one is defending the OM, but you're going to blame someone else for a decision the person YOU chose to marry made, that seems like major deflection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

TRy said:


> You are so wrong here. He has every right to do whatever he can legally to the other man. The gloves are off. This man stepped into his marriage without concern. This OM must never be tempted to be involved with her again. For this to be true, there must be as much consequences as possible. The OM is lucky that we live in a civilized society. In the past less civilized times (and in some countries even today) the penalty dealt for cheating with another persons spouse would be far worse.


You said legally, right? The OM can file for harassment. He did nothing to this man personally. So calling his job making claims that will affect his livleyhood, he has more grounds to file than you do. Your wife can't keep her lips closed, yeah, this guy is totally at fault.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

mikeydread1982 said:


> You said legally, right? The OM can file for harassment. He did nothing to this man personally. So calling his job making claims that will affect his livleyhood, he has more grounds to file than you do. Your wife can't keep her lips closed, yeah, this guy is totally at fault.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As a general business observation, most companies take an extremely dim view on the sexual fraternization of their employees, more especially in circumstances such as yours. The mantra here is that the affair being perpetuated by two of that company's employees is not affording that company anything of an affirmative nature inasfar as its positive public image is concerned. The greatest fear here, in my opinion, would be that your wife and her OM might both get sacked by the company!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> You said legally, right? The OM can file for harassment. He did nothing to this man personally. So calling his job making claims that will affect his livleyhood, he has more grounds to file than you do. Your wife can't keep her lips closed, yeah, this guy is totally at fault.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It couldn't be more personal. Om can be and sued for alienation of affection in some states and intentional infliction of emotional distress in all states. Except for your suggestion to take it up with the other man personally the rest of your logic is just pu$$y whipped.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I think the OP bailed folks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

chapparal said:


> It couldn't be more personal. Om can be and sued for alienation of affection in some states and intentional infliction of emotional distress in all states. Except for your suggestion to take it up with the other man personally the rest of your logic is just pu$$y whipped.


You can't just say my argument is pu$$y whipped without explaining how so. So because you choose to hold the primarily accountable party accountable, you're pu$$y whipped? Uh, OK. From what I keep reading here, the person that cheats is at fault. Period. You don't know what she was telling this guy. When my lady messed with a guy that knew we were together, I didn't call his job, I made sure other things happened. Simple as that. He can go get another job, but guess what, you can't unscrew your wife by doing that. The only way to relieve the physical pain of your heart being torn to bits is to see that man experience physical pain, otherwise, some chump lost his job, big whoop
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> You said legally, right? The OM can file for harassment. He did nothing to this man personally. So calling his job making claims that will affect his livleyhood, he has more grounds to file than you do. Your wife can't keep her lips closed, yeah, this guy is totally at fault.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Telling the truth isn't harassment.

So, your advice to a BS that they should just assuredly sit back and take it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> You can't just say my argument is pu$$y whipped without explaining how so. So because you choose to hold the primarily accountable party accountable, you're pu$$y whipped? Uh, OK. From what I keep reading here, the person that cheats is at fault. Period. You don't know what she was telling this guy. When my lady messed with a guy that knew we were together, I didn't call his job, I made sure other things happened. Simple as that. He can go get another job, but guess what, you can't unscrew your wife by doing that. The only way to relieve the physical pain of your heart being torn to bits is to see that man experience physical pain, otherwise, some chump lost his job, big whoop
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Actually the exposure makes the affair costly for all involved. It helps to make it unattached for both of them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Telling the truth isn't harassment.
> 
> So, your advice to a BS that they should just assuredly sit back and take it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You obviously did not read all my responses. They're quite interesting, as is everyone eelse's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Actually the exposure makes the affair costly for all involved. It helps to make it unattached for both of them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bulls didn't cut Jordan after cheating. Lakers didn't cut Kobe after cheating. And if this guy is a performer, this company won't fire him. If he isn't, then they were going to anyway, and he movers on. So where does that remove the penis.his wife allowed to penetrate her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

I work for one of the largest corporations in America, and have seen performers that had infidelity cases and they just get reassigned. Life goes on. Unless you go and pop him in the mouth, he wont learn a thing. And yes, there's ways to assault without getting caught.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> Bulls didn't cut Jordan after cheating. Lakers didn't cut Kobe after cheating. And if this guy is a performer, this company won't fire him. If he isn't, then they were going to anyway, and he movers on. So where does that remove the penis.his wife allowed to penetrate her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe not these guys, but the chairman of hp got dumped as have a ton of regular folks. Why? Because its cheaper to dump a guy like that then pay for the alienation of affection, and hostile work environment suits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 5stringpicker (Feb 11, 2012)

Dexter Morgan said:


> I know you don't think so now, but this is a good thing. You finally have the truth about what kind of "woman" you have been married to. You can finally be free.


I agree. As bad as it is, be glad you found out what kind of disloyal and ****ty ***** she is. Rather than worrying about the 10 years you've invested, which are gone anyway, think about the good women you'll be dating, and the fun you'll have after you finally off load her and she's someone else's problem. Use the information to get custody of the kids and make her pay you child support. Get a lawyer ASAP. I like your attitude about once thy cheat, they're gone. There are too many good women out there to put up with this crap. Dump her on loverboy and replace her with a newer model. This crap you hear about loving some woman that screwed over you is for losers. A couple of years from now she'll be a distant bad memory.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Maybe not these guys, but the chairman of hp got dumped as have a ton of regular folks. Why? Because its cheaper to dump a guy like that then pay for the alienation of affection, and hostile work environment suits.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you're referring to the oil spill fiasco. Then yeah, that's a PR nightmare. Cheating and causing cataclismic global pollution are on 2 different levels I think. And the funny thing is, that guy didn't break the equipment or cause the leak directly, but MJ, Kobe, and all those guys did dip their stick. Now that's irony.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

5stringpicker said:


> I agree. As bad as it is, be glad you found out what kind of disloyal and ****ty ***** she is. Rather than worrying about the 10 years you've invested, which are gone anyway, think about the good women you'll be dating, and the fun you'll have after you finally off load her and she's someone else's problem. Use the information to get custody of the kids and make her pay you child support. Get a lawyer ASAP. I like your attitude about once thy cheat, they're gone. There are too many good women out there to put up with this crap. Dump her on loverboy and replace her with a newer model.


That's what I think, the sweetest revenge, let him keep her. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> If you're referring to the oil spill fiasco. Then yeah, that's a PR nightmare. Cheating and causing cataclismic global pollution are on 2 different levels I think. And the funny thing is, that guy didn't break the equipment or cause the leak directly, but MJ, Kobe, and all those guys did dip their stick. Now that's irony.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No I'm talking about the head of Hewitt Packard who got caught cheatng with a consultant.

You know, sports figures are not the real world right? The rest of us live in a world where is we violate company policy, we get fired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> No I'm talking about the head of Hewitt Packard who got caught cheatng with a consultant.
> 
> You know, sports figures are not the real world right? The rest of us live in a world where is we violate company policy, we get fired.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually Mark Hurd, CEO of HP at the time, got canned because he failed to report money he used on a female contractor who accused him of sexual harassment.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> No I'm talking about the head of Hewitt Packard who got caught cheatng with a consultant.
> 
> You know, sports figures are not the real world right? The rest of us live in a world where is we violate company policy, we get fired.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, my font setting on my phone made hp look like bp at a glance. Not real world? I think I get what you're trying to say, but these are the same people that everyday people pay their hard earned money to see. And are supposedly role models. So the bar should be set higher. This guy in question only affected the life of one poor guy. But I digress. I have never seen an explicit policy of no infidelity in a workplace, except for the military. And even there, where the standards are some of the highest, performers walk Scott free. Or maybe a slap on the wrist and don't do it again. 
Oh, and one more thing. So people really believe the folks they work with had no clue? Really? Yeah, this guy is going nowhere.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

morituri said:


> Actually Mark Hurd, CEO of HP at the time, got canned because he failed to report money he used on a female contractor who accused him of sexual harassment.


Thanks for clearing that up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> Oh, my font setting on my phone made hp look like bp at a glance. Not real world? I think I get what you're trying to say, but these are the same people that everyday people pay their hard earned money to see. And are supposedly role models. So the bar should be set higher. This guy in question only affected the life of one poor guy. But I digress. I have never seen an explicit policy of no infidelity in a workplace, except for the military. And even there, where the standards are some of the highest, performers walk Scott free. Or maybe a slap on the wrist and don't do it again.
> Oh, and one more thing. So people really believe the folks they work with had no clue? Really? Yeah, this guy is going nowhere.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've worked several places where in company dating was a big no no, called out in the hr rules.

But that aside, what will catch them is if they used company money to travel for it, used company money to pay forthe hotel, or for dates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Edit: Just noticed, for F*ck sake, she f*cked him on Valentine Day's eve and on Valentine's Day.


IKR, yet another Valentines Day sex fest.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

The shiftless skank will be begging cloudy to come back, after the fog clears. She played the hore and lost her family. Who wants to take bets, that she will be back begging him to take her back FOR THE KIDS SAKE.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Initfortheduration said:


> The shiftless skank will be begging cloudy to come back, after the fog clears. She played the hore and lost her family. Who wants to take bets, that she will be back begging him to take her back FOR THE KIDS SAKE.


If OM is using her as an easy piece of ass, then I would agree that's how it normally goes. The typical cake eater scenario.


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## Cloudy78 (Feb 9, 2012)

I've been reading through your posts guys, thanks again for all your input.
From the text messages between them, this is just sex, and you can see that he was really only in it for 'an easy piece of ass'. My guess is it may carry on when he comes back up again, I don't know really, but I really couldn't care, they can go screw themselves into oblivion.
I would love her to turn around in a few weeks/months and beg for forgiveness, to be taken back and for us to work it out, because all she'll get from me a big fat F*CK YOU.
All I am thinking about for now is my two boys and their home. Even though she is the f*ckin wh*re who caused all this, I need her onside with the decisions I make, like I said, our finances will still be tied for the next 2 years.
If she decided to be awkward, I will inform her that I have an email drafted to her boss at work and her HR department that includes the SMS text messages and a note to say what has been going on, the same email will also be forwarded to each member of her family. I will also tell her that i have prepped posts with links to the SMS messages that I will publish on Facebook and Twitter for all to read.
I'm sure this will keep the b*tch in check.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Buddy, you need to think very well ahead and know the effects of your actions now. I am sorry for your predicament. Take care, be really careful.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

For your protection, you will need a var (voice activated recorder). You should not have a conversation with her without it. Many a BS has been betrayed further by getting an RO filed against them. Be careful.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Anger can make you do things that you will regret later. You may feel justified now but it can bite you in the butt later. A friend of mine served 8 years after he caught his wife and the OM in the act. He beat the crap out of the OM (almost killed him). My friend still suffers from his actions. His former WS also took him through finacial helI as well. One of my brother-in-laws did the same thing in a previous marriage but was able to beat the charges brought against him.

Get a grip on your anger. Most here understand what you are going through. Listen to what they are saying.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Initfortheduration said:


> For your protection, you will need a var (voice activated recorder). You should not have a conversation with her without it. Many a BS has been betrayed further by getting an RO filed against them. Be careful.


:iagree: Absolutely! Always record everything that is said.

Remember. Whenever you interact with her be calm. You are in the right. You have the moral high ground. Don't lose it. Make sure to keep that in mind. Don't lower yourself to her level. Remember your children. They need their father mentally stable and not in prison.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Cloudy78 said:


> .
> I'm sure this will keep the b*tch in check.


Calm down man. You need to go punch something so join a gym go for a run/walk. 

You have successfully moved to stage two of grief, Anger. This will be around for a very long time and your going to have to get used to her saying things that make you angry. She will do it to get a rise out of you. Expect to flip between anger and devastation in rapid succession. 

She will almost certainly be back, several times, and man it is going to hurt. Your going to have to get used to that too.

The horrible reality is that you are going to have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life because the boys have a Mother.

It is vital that you look after YOU right now. YOU are the stable person in your boys lives, you have to be the rock. This is the toughest job you are ever going to do. Don't try and hide that you are upset about this. They need to see that this is a major problem that you are doing your best to handle. They see everything, so your ONLY option that will help them, you, and even there Mother, is total honesty and transparency. 

Use the 15 year rule to make all your decisions.
What is the result of this <action> in 15 years?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> Anger can make you do things that you will regret later. You may feel justified now but it can bite you in the butt later. A friend of mine served 8 years after he caught his wife and the OM in the act. He beat the crap out of the OM (almost killed him). My friend still suffers from his actions. His former WS also took him through finacial helI as well. One of my brother-in-laws did the same thing in a previous marriage but was able to beat the charges brought against him.
> 
> Get a grip on your anger. Most here understand what you are going through. Listen to what they are saying.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Anger is necessary to wake you up and reclaim your moral compass and dignity. Nevertheless it can be toxic in the long run because it and it's twin, bitterness, can poison your soul. DO NOT allow these toxic twins to take permanent residence in your heart and soul. They are poisonous and will destroy your life beyond your divorce.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> You can't just say my argument is pu$$y whipped without explaining how so. So because you choose to hold the primarily accountable party accountable, you're pu$$y whipped? Uh, OK. From what I keep reading here, the person that cheats is at fault. Period. You don't know what she was telling this guy. When my lady messed with a guy that knew we were together, I didn't call his job, I made sure other things happened. Simple as that. He can go get another job, but guess what, you can't unscrew your wife by doing that. The only way to relieve the physical pain of your heart being torn to bits is to see that man experience physical pain, otherwise, some chump lost his job, big whoop
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Look, some people have a different value system. Simple as that. Some choose to be accountable and to hold others accountable. That does not change based on what is or is not an opinion of a website. This has to do with personal boundaries and values.

Sorry this upsets you so much, but it is what it is. Defending other men who nail married women has little moral compass, but you are entitled to your opinion. I get very much that the BS needs to get their life back together. But after the dust settles they get to handle the poacher, as they see fit and will have to answer to the law, their God ( if they are inclined ) and ultimiately to themselves.

So in your case you are free to feel that men can chase married women and if they score shame on her and her husband. Fine. But, be aware that there are more than a few husbands that take a very different view of this. We view both parties as cheaters. I view a man like this just like I view someone who breaks into my home in the middle of the night. It is about protecting my family. I also liken it to someone who sells drugs to anyone in my family. They don't get a free pass either. These type of folks should expect no quarter. If they do, they doubly deserve what they get.

He chose to nail a married woman and took the risk. She chose to cheat and took the risk. The BS gets to choose and take the risk. 

My advice for someone else would be to build their life back but to consider making the life as miserable for the OM as they reasonably can. And yes I understand the old adage about digging two graves. But the OM should have listened to that adage as well.


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