# 6 Mos post DDay, court day is NEXT week..



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Its been a while since I posted on here. Some of you might remember my story ( most prob dont) My H cheated with a co-worker overseas..he is active military..and the OW didnt want to get in trouble for it ( adultery is punishable in the military) So she said he attacked her..and now he is being charged for sexual assault. Well, at any rate the court day is next week.

I bounce back and forth from wanting it to work out with him..and to not wanting it to. 

He lives across the world..and Ive seen him for 3 weeks since I found out about the incident. 

Ive basically disconnected myself from him. But I am torn because we have 2 little kids together. The only reason why I would want to stay would be for the kids. Seeing how im only 25..it might not be the greatest Idea for my long term happiness. IDK. I am so confused..he wants it to work..but I dont know.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Stand back and focus on yourself and children. You have time to decide while he is not home. All you can do now is wait and see if the OW's charges hold , then you determine of you want your husband in your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Your absolutely right. Theres nothing I can do until the trial is over. Its hard for me to realize I have absolutely no say in what happens..and I can not control the outcome. Especially since the decisions he made where his own..but they affect me and my children heavily. Ugh. 

Thank you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Nikki, adultery can be punished in the military but the military has become less concerned about it. I have over 37 years in the military and that is the way it is. Typically a commander will say knock it off. The OW was not concerned about being charged with adultery (because that rarely happens) but rather being found out. These things are hard to figure out. You will know more about this if you can get the court's testimony of what your husband says and what she says. 

To move on or stay it would help you make your decision if you could get this information as the trial goes on. Doubtful you will be able to get it any time soon or at all.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Nikki1023 said:


> The only reason why I would want to stay would be for the kids.


Staying married for the good of the children doesn't work in case you haven't heard this. Maintaining a dysfunctional household filled with conflict and strife between two parents who don't care for each other is worse than raising them in one or two single parent homes.

Your way of thinking is outdated and just plain wrong.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

If it is true that adultery is not punishable, then she knows that. 

Why would she risk so much with a charge of sexual assault? It is much more likely that a woman who lodges a sexual assault charge will be eased out of the service that an adulterous. 

She knows that too. So why did she bring the charge? Did your husband tell you that story? How do you know that he is not handing you the same line he is using in his defense?

I am not saying that he assaulted her but I just question the facts. You're his wife, I don't see why you are not privy to some info. Have you spoken to his commanding officer? 

What kind of man is your husband?


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Take the breathing room and stay focused on you and your kids. He made the mess let him deal with it. You have choices to make and I think that detaching and letting him face his music is the best way to make these choices.

My best wishes and good luck!


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

ALot of feedback..I appreciate all of it. 

Thorburn, your right..it depends on the commanding officer, but in this case since she cried fowl, it is a horse of a completely different color. Its viewed as assault now. It may or may not have been dismissed if it was clearly seen as adultery.

Hisfac..my thinking may be "outdated" and "just plain wrong" BUT Im doing my best here. Its alot to take in. 

Catherine602..your info is slightly tainted. I have spoken to A Criminal Defense attorney who has over 30 years experience with Military Law. He had a case over the summer where a woman committed acts of adultery and claimed she was assaulted in order to avoid charges. The Military is NOTHING like the civilian world. You are absolutely right about him " feeding me lines" I dont doubt that he is with holding some information from me. BUT sexual assault? I dont think so. If I did I would have filed for divorce back in September. 

Kuriosity..thank you. I am all wound up..and that is exactly what I should be doing.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

How can they go on her word with out investigating and gathering evidence? What evidence do they have?

When there is a sexual assault aren't there physical signs. Did his friends witness something? Are his friends sticking by him? 

Given that he is touchy feely when he is drunk, is unwanted touch sexual assault?


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

She was a student in his martial arts class. The following morning after the "Assault" took place, she voluntarily showed up to his class. A Staff NCO, as well as an officer..and about 8 other participants verified that she had no visible bruises on her neck..and she participated in the mornings activities. She acted normal towards my husband. This is part of the evidence. SHe did get bruised during his class..as well as everyone else who participated in it. 

If there was SOLID evidence, tangible evidence linking him to what she claims..he would have be thrown in jail at the Article 32- the pre hearing. But since there isnt, and its based on hear-say..word against word..they go to the Court.

I ask myself the same question. And when I spoke to the lawyer on the phone he made me understand that hear say is enough for a conviction. At this point it is based on credibility..his word against her. The witnesses testifying of what happened. If you dont understand the way the military works, it is hard to explain it. ALOT of what they do MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. Ive been living this lifestyle for the past 8 years, and I still find it hard to grasp their outlook. 

Heres the thing. Him being touchy feely makes me think that he participated in CONSENSUAL acts with her. 

He does have witnesses who can verify that he was not where she places him at various points of the night. 

Did I answer everything? I know its confusing, and there is ALOT going on here, and for the most part it is hard to follow, given the fact that a good majority of it makes no sense seeing how different the standards are in military law. But I will hopefully know more next week. 

I told this story just to try to paint a picture of what Im going through. But Im not really asking if anyone feels he is guilty or not..cause the bottom line is I know what type of man he is.

I think my main issue here was answered by hisfac. Staying with him for the "better" of my children is ridiculous. ANd I will face alot more rough patches before I can breath easy again. 

Thank you..your helping me re-ask myself questions, and reevaluate my feelings.

Sorry if this post is a jumbled mess..feeling a bit under the weather today.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Nikki1023 said:


> .
> 
> I ask myself the same question. And when I spoke to the lawyer on the phone he made me understand that hear say is enough for a conviction. At this point it is based on credibility..his word against her. The witnesses testifying of what happened. If you dont understand the way the military works, it is hard to explain it. ALOT of what they do MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. Ive been living this lifestyle for the past 8 years, and I still find it hard to grasp their outlook.


Then, he has a crappy lawyer. I've worked in trauma centers and even in the military, if an act of sexual assault occurred; a rape kit is done. And even a general inspection of the vaginia will show signs of forceful penetration which are different from consenual penetration.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

crossbar said:


> Then, he has a crappy lawyer. I've worked in trauma centers and even in the military, if an act of sexual assault occurred; a rape kit is done. And even a general inspection of the vaginia will show signs of forceful penetration which are different from consenual penetration.


That is my understanding. The injuries of non-consensual sex would be too painful to endure with consensual sex. The couple will stop. 

Best of luck Nikki. I hope you reach a decision that brings you and your family peace and hope for life and love that is free of deception and turmoil.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

crossbar said:


> Then, he has a crappy lawyer. I've worked in trauma centers and even in the military, if an act of sexual assault occurred; a rape kit is done. And even a general inspection of the vaginia will show signs of forceful penetration which are different from consenual penetration.


Hmm, actually his lawyer is #1 in his field. I did thorough research before hiring him.

I never mentioned exactly what she is accusing him of. It is NOT rape, maybe thats why your not understanding his lawyers statement? She is accusing him of choking and hitting her, trying to force himself on her. No rape kit..she didnt report it until about a week after it "occurred". Make a little more sense?

Thanks Catherine I appreciate it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

This just seems so unfair. I have frequently heard men express doubt about rape accusations and it made me angry. Now I understand why they say it. 

If the facts of this case are accurate and you have the full story, I really cannot believe that a charge was ever entered. It baffles me.

It is disturbing that the armed services that we the people support, has a system of laws that are un-American for the men and woman who put themselves in harms way for us.


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## BroderickMi (Mar 30, 2012)

Typically a commander will say knock it off.


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