# Question



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Saw a thread in General Discussion, but I didn't want to hijack the thread. What does emotionally unavailable mean? Can someone give examples? I guess I should know, but I dont.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When I hear that term, I think of a guy who refuses to allow his feelings to show or to impact his behaviour.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Thanks Hope. For many men of my generation (Baby Boomer) we learned from our fathers it isn't manly to show emotion other than anger. Now my dad may have showed mom love, but dad was never weepy, or sullen.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I'm a baby boomer too (just). My husband's Generation X and he is as bad or worse than most baby boomers I know! He's far more open to learning to change though.

My Millennial sons are pretty good with their emotions, relatively speaking. One more so than the other. That might be at least pertly due to them being raised by a single mom.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I would imagine it's a fine line to walk. I think women would be turned off with a overly emotional man as well.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Thound said:


> I would imagine it's a fine line to walk. I think women would be turned off with a overly emotional man as well.


No, I think that's your generational attitude speaking. You were taught that that's why you don't show your emotions. I actually find it endearing when my husband allows himself to show what he's feeling (for the most part anyway! not the anger)


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Men and women need to be emotionally stable.
Some are more emotional than others. A man that shows his emotions is not weak, it's just who he is. But a man or women that that is emotionally volitive IS unstable. 

Emotion is a good thing. But we need to find a balance of living with reason/logic and emotions. Too much logic and no emotions is emotional unavailable. Too much emotion and no reason/logic is emotional instability.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Thound said:


> I would imagine it's a fine line to walk. I think women would be turned off with a overly emotional man as well.


That depends, what do you define as overly emotional.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

**scans the horizon for @jld **


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Being emotionally unavailable is essentially a way of saying that someone is either unable or unwilling to be in an emotionally intimate relationship. When stuff gets too serious, or too hard, or too emotionally fraught, they pull away. They can't really do emotional intimacy. That feeling of closeness, of sharing of oneself and exposing one's vulnerabilities, that makes for true emotional connection, won't be forthcoming. Progressing in intimacy as the relationship develops feels threatening, and would require emotional investment, even some vulnerability, from them that they're not really comfortable with. They either can't or won't become truly emotionally engaged in the relationship. 

There are some entirely legitimate reasons to be emotionally unavailable. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being so, per se. The trick, though, is to not lie to yourself or your partners about the level of emotional intimacy you're interested in and/or able to provide. Which is where things often go off the rails. Honesty about your level of emotional availability requires a level of self-awareness that some people really struggle with. And, sometimes, even those who realize they're emotionally unavailable will conceal that fact in order to get or keep the benefits of a relationship for as long as possible.


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