# Double Life?



## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

My husband of 5 years and I have been together for 8. We're bothe in our early 30's and have no children.

Husband has always been a player, heard stories of him cheating on his ex almost notoriously. I am very laid back, easy going, respect a person's space and privacy until now...

Three years ago I felt he was acting suspiciously with cell phone. Long story short, I discovered he was talking to a girl. I found texts b/t them and one night had him open one in front of me that said "where are we meeting tonight" - I went off and he confessed he met her in Vegas recently, she looked like Rihanna, was 26 and had just broken up w her BF and she was seeking advice from him. (I recently just found out that this girl was actually 21 at the time and a white girl). I told him to stop the "friendship" immediately. I had an event to go to and when I came home asked him if he told her and he said yes - he told her his wife did not approve of their realtionship. I had access to his cell phone records at the time and never saw calls/texts between them again... until the BLACKBERRY became ever so popular for personal use.

His phone used to be password protected but I realized after another trip back from Vegas 3 years later he had a diff phone (lost original in pool) and it was no longer protected! Ever since the day I satrted looking through his phone again (about 2 montsh ago) things have been going down hill. I am constantly finding BBM chats (which are untraceable on phone records - dont have access anymore though b/c phone is under the business now) and text with various girls. I think we're up to 5 now, one of which is a teenager who worked for him for a short period of time last year!! He does not say anything blatant in the texts but they are always sexual and almost always involve pics. Soemtimes he erases the chat/texts sometimes he doesn't. At first I thought he wanted me to see these but I think he's just dumb and really has no clue I am constantly checking his phone (b/c if he is 1) he'd erase all and 2) he'd shut his phone off at night). 

I've decided to play dumb so I can really catch him this time. 3 years ago I jumped in too fast. 

On top of this I found extasy in the laundry (tested it yesterday) and he gambles constanltly (mainly sports betting, cards on weekends). These are two things he knows I strongly oppose and he does it behind my back.

I don't know who he is anymore. Our last three big blowouts have been emotionally ugly. He calls me every name in teh book, tells me to go F myself all the time (he knows I hate that) - has even said "I want a divorce" - I've told him to go ahead but I don't think he has the balls to do it b/c I am a true trophy for him. His family and friends adore me and all know what a great girl I am. I am starting to realize that I really don't need him - I am finacially secure, we don't have kids and I'm a good person. 

Debating if and when i should leave... should I wait until I have more evidence?


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## panafedin (Aug 2, 2010)

Debating? Man, I am telling you, you need an intervention (maybe just you two) style confrontation/meeting with this guy, A-S-A-P! By that I mean, one where everything is put on the table: he comes clean, does a U-turn on the road of life, and commits to MAJOR work with you, with the help of professional(s) OR it's time to protect yourself (you are in big-time danger: STDs, legal/arrest (drugs in home), financial ruin (gambling), who knows how deep it goes).

Only you can decide if you can accept who he is, but unless something is way off, he sounds like a serial cheater and those years (decade?) of habits will be very very difficult to change.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Uh...why are you married to this idiot?

And please don't say love.

There IS no love going on. Only you being his convenience and you being codependent.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi there, 
I agree with Tunera, why are you with someone who is doing this while you are married, he doesn't honor anything about you or your marriage..
I would say, just get out and find someone who does love you enough to stay committed to you and your relationship. Why put yourself through this, players always have that in them.....
If you are waiting for him to grow up, you might have to wait a life time......


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Pana/Turn/Jessi

Thank you all for your posts. I have been keeping these "secrets" bottled up inside me and have no one to talk to. I think I need to hear all that you have stated. I am actually going to see a therapist tomorrow b/c I don't want to create issues for myself. I know I am strong and independant but need to know why I have been putting up with all this CRAP. I think I have stuck around b/c of stupid family reasons (brought up traditional Catholic where divorce is unheard of). I don't feel I love him anymore especially b/c I used to feel guilty if I even talked to another man now I could care less.

P.S. Recently I was away on a girls trip (wives and gf's of his friends) and an acquantance of his was entertaining us at a lounge, this guys always forgets who's married to who and my one friend who has 2 kids was complaining about her husband forgetting to take them somewhere while and my husband's buddy chimes in (right in front of me mind you) "IT COULD BE WORSE, YOU COULD BE MARRRIED TO so-and-so" (so-and-so being my husband dont want to write name). My friend's mouth dropped and I said why do you say that, husband's friend quickly excused himself. That quote has been sticking in my mind ever since - just keeps playing over and over.


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