# old(and ongoing) bitterness



## michelle38 (Jul 11, 2012)

My h is out of town. no matter, when he was around still had the LD/HD mismatch, but of course with him not around I have no hope.

The night before he left for one week, I was hoping he would be interested. Old story, shower, perfume, but smartly gave up on lingerie knowing hope was slim. as I guessed right, I was still drying my hair when he walked in bathroom and said he was very tired. I practically tried to "race" him and did my hair so quickly, but too late, he was asleep. this is really hilarious when i just read a thread asking "why not initiate yourself", what, choke a sleeping guy?

I went to sleep and next AM he started showing interest. Fine fine you guys are gonna say this morning testosterone thing, but it's rare he does this, but I had to quickly go to bathroom (do you women really do it with a full bladder?:rofl and brush my teeth, trying to be very quiet, but by the time we got into it, I heard footsteps. I quickly covered myself and he said he heard nothing. But it was obvious my MIL was up early and walking (she came to help out). We tried again but then i guess she woke up the kid and he just barged in the room. Eventually kid was put back to bed but you can imagine by then I was like WHATEVER. 

So, for many many years my bitterness was that my h never cared about privacy. He brought my MIL and FIL in our house to live with us for 5 years. I am ok with MIL and really did not care about FIL. They have no sense of privacy and would walk in on you. Yeah my door had a lock, but why bother. I did not even a libido. I was too busy being a mom, a worker, a daughter-in-law, and a wife, but not a woman--that's different. Being a wife means fulfilling many wifely duties, including sex, but i did not feel like a woman. 

That is why I like to have h come to bed every night for some cuddle time. Now the in-laws are out and I adamantly insist the kid should sleep in his own room. But h doesn't value this. And each time my privacy is intruded all the bad memories come back. Is it asking too much to have adult privacy? Even a book from Amazon was torn open quickly (it was just titled "slow sex" but embarrassing enough) since my younger kid thought it was his toy. I just sigh. How do other people keep privacy and sanity?


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Michelle, I'm totally with you on the privacy thing.
About 5 years ago we were visiting the in-laws in Italy...wife and I had our own bedroom. One evening (about 11.30pm) wife and I were having sex (one of about 12 times a year we do it)...by candle light...her father walks in (didnt knock) goes over to a chest of drawers, opens it, gets something, walks out saying good night.
It was blatently obvious what we were doing.
It was a complete and utter lack of respect.

However it certainly answered some questions for me as to why my wife has a total disregard for me and my privacy...she would go through my wallet looking for a a 'card' or go through my bedside table, walk into my office and start reading things on my desk etc.
If I need say, the check book which is in her handbag, I will pass her her bag and ask her to get it..I do not go into her bag...its hers...just as her e-mail account is and her mobile phone is hers etc.
I have swtiched ALL alerts off on my phone because if it was on the side and a message came in and it squeaked she would read it.
Mutual respect for pirvacy in a marriage is vital.

I think its very difficult to have a sexual relationship with somone whom you don't respect. Maybe you husband is 'using' teh excuse of your children barging in as an excuse not to be intimate with you...

Maybe because he doesnt respect you/dosen't want to have sex with you or maybe because he has other self esteem/medical issues that make sex for him difficult...

My wife is very LD....she 'allows' me in maybe once a month...because I get it so rarely and because maybe the animal instinct kicks in that I need to sow my seed asap, I rarely last long enough to satisfy my wife.
When sex was regular, I was fine.

Perhaps your husband has 'hidden' issues?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've always wondered where on earth people become these sitcom old people who literally have no earthly clue what horrendous a-holes they are. My wife's uncle is like that. He's absolutely oblivious to other people who apparently only exist to serve, listen and pay attention to his endless boring chatter no matter what's going on around them. You have to abandon all tact and subtlety with them and tell them point blank what's up. And even then they won't fully get it. Your partner who caters to that is making a clear choice of them over you. First is blood relations, then kids, then friends then you then complete strangers. Unless you want to live in 4th place with someone who's pretending not to know how you feel about that, do something about it.


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## michelle38 (Jul 11, 2012)

7737 said:


> About 5 years ago we were visiting the in-laws in Italy...wife and I had our own bedroom. One evening (about 11.30pm) wife and I were having sex (one of about 12 times a year we do it)...by candle light...her father walks in (didnt knock) goes over to a chest of drawers, opens it, gets something, walks out saying good night.


Interesting. Are they Italian? I have often heard they share this similar attitude to my culture, that is, family over everything. People dine together, live together, and privacy...what is that?

Well, i guess some cultures procreate without any issues, under whatever circumstances. I tried to live with that for many years and the result was I almost completely lost attraction to my h. Now I am trying to claim it back, but if he doesn't realize some things need to change, then this "HD" state of me will eventually end in utmost frustration.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

German but live in Italy.
Total disregard for other peoples privacy. Just as my wife has for mine.

Sad thing is that it has rubbed off onto our children....because Mummy goes through all their and my drawers etc they think its perfectly OK for them to do the same thing....and when I get angry with them they dont understand because 'Mummy does it....'. Ugh!

Michelle - good luck! I hope you husband sees the light and realises he has to change or runs the risk of loosing you!


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