# I feel like we are growing apart and at our breaking point. :,(



## Kimber91 (Jun 28, 2012)

Sorry this is so long. 

My fiance and I have been together for 2 years and I feel like we are already growing apart. We used to be very lovey on each other, gave kisses often. had a healthy sex life, had a lot of fun together, and never really argued too much.

Before I get into the bad stuff, I am going to state that I love him very much and he always tells me he loves me with all his heart and he doesn't want anyone else.
He ALWAYS wants to have sex with me.(I'm the one with the problem with it. I talk about it later on.)
He really wants to have a baby with me. I really want to get pregnant too. Beside all of the bad things I list, there are a few good times. I admire him while he is sleeping. I rub my hand over his shoulders/back/face all while thinking about how much I love him. I even tear sometimes thinking about how much I love him.
Sometimes I catch him starting at me and lovingly smiling at me.
We always tell each other we love each other, even when we are mad.
He always tells me how beautiful I am.
He always wants to cuddle and come up and hug me all the time.
He does act immature sometimes and a little crazy  but, I think he will be a great father.
He tells me I will be an awesome mother. 

Now... we don't spend much time together because he has to work all the time. (He gets up at 5 am and doesn't get home 'till 5 pm and sometimes later. He has not had a day off in 3 weeks.)
We can only see each other for a few hours before he goes to bed, and during that time we barely even talk and if we do, it's an argument (sometimes). 

We fight all the time. We are not able to say two words to each other without starting an argument.

We don't have sex/make love anymore. He always wants to have sex, but for whatever reason, I never feel up to having sex. It always hurts me when we do. I'm just not sure that he turns me on anymore. (Could this be because all of the arguing has turned me off? My resentment towards him?) 

EVERYTHING he says and does annoys the crap out of me.

He makes decisions without talking it over with me. EXAMPLE: He has decided that he is buying a motorcycle and there is nothing I can do to alter the decision. (Motorcycles scare me and I am very worried about him getting in an accident on it)

He says very hurtful things when we argue.

We were arguing today and he told me that since he is tired and stressed out all the time, he is allowed to be hateful and treat me like crap, and if I loved him and understood how tired and stressed he is, I would just back down in an argument so it wouldn't get crazy; and to me that means I am not allowed to defend myself.

He won't communicate with me. When I try talking to him, he either falls asleep, doesn't listen, or huffs and puffs because he doesn't want to talk about what I am trying to talk to him about.

He always tells me to leave if I am so unhappy. (In an argument. But why doesn't he just leave since he seems so unhappy???)

I am not allowed to have an opinion obviously, because when I do it pisses him off.

I don't have say in anything and when I tell him what I think we should do, he gets pissed off and we argue.

He doesn't want to spend any of the money he makes at work because he worked his ass off for it,, so when we go grocery shopping we can only get minimal crap that won't even last us a week. I make a list and when I say something that we need to get he says "oh we will just get that another time." I'm like "we need this now and we are already here at the store. What sense does it make to get something we need later when we are here??" It makes him mad and we have to do what he says.

If I write out a list and I forget to put something on it that we need and I see it, I tell him we need to get it and he gets pissy because "it wasn't on the list and I don't need to get crap that's not on the list. 

We can't go shopping without us arguing and me crying in the store because of how horrible he is being to me. 

He makes me feel like I am ruining his life because he doesn't have any "hobbies."

All because he works, he doesn't think he needs to help around the house every once in a while. "It's MY JOB!!" 

I can't say anything without worrying if he is going to get mad.

I can't kiss him anymore. The only kiss I am comfortable with giving him is a small few pecks on the lips. If feels gross to kiss him. (He has a beard and chews, I feel like I am getting hair and leftover chew in my mouth if I kiss him better.)

We don't ever kiss like couples should. We never make-out. Nothing. I just don't like really kissing him anymore. (Maybe it's the whole resentment towards him thing.)

I feel like he doesn't believe in me or support me. If I am starting a new thing. "Cutting out soda"... I tell him about it and he says " what's the point in being supportive? You are just going to give up and quit. You won't last long." It really hurts my feelings. 

There is so much more, but I am getting tired and I think I have written enough. You all get the point. lol. 

Please keep in mind that we do love each other.

What do you think we should do? How do we fix this? Should we fix this or just move on? Are we wasting our time?

Please give your advise. Please try not to be to harsh.. lol ;P


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

Every couple goes through this (IMO). However, it doesn't give him the right to be hateful.

Ask him if there is anything about you he still likes/loves. Explain to him that on your part, the sex just isn't there because you argue too much. Tell him how you feel about his beard/chew (you don't say whether you like the beard or not).

I can tell you from experience, after working 12+ hours, you don't feel like doing anything but what YOU want to do. Half your day is taken up by working. If you need 8 hrs or so to sleep, that leaves 4 hrs to cram in anything that you like or need to do. 
What is it you want him to do around the house? Is he a slob? Does he leave dishes everywhere? etc.

You don't answer whether or not he is right about your quitting things (not supporting you because you will just give up). Are you in the habit of starting things and not finishing?

The next time he tells you to leave, pack a bag and go. Make sure you have a place to go ahead of time. Could this be his subtle way of wanting out of the relationship (or taking a break) w/o HIM being the one to leave?
Are you on him the moment he gets home from work?

Have you ever met him at the door with his favorite beverage and have his favorite meal almost prepared? You don't say if you work or not. Do you have time to do something like this?
I would be irritable too if I had not had a day off in 3+ weeks. 

I guess I need a little more info on you to continue with an answer.

DO NOT HAVE A BABY while all this is going on. People think having a child will make everything better. It doesn't! If he thinks you are demanding now, wait til a baby comes along.


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