# It's time to get out....



## BucketAnn82 (Aug 12, 2016)

I'm new to all of this...but it's been a long time coming....

Backstory:
I'm been together with my husband for 13+ years, and married for 8+. We've never had a kissy huggy relationship. Ok, let me re-phrase that...I'm not sure the last time we hugged or kissed. And as far as the sex life, you can imagine how that's going. Been over a year. We are both in our 30s. 

The deal:
Unfortunately, he's never really treated me very well. Nothing physical, but a lot of emotional abuse and belittling. In the past year, he has stopped texting me, unless he needed something from me, and has stopped calling me unless for the same reason. If my phone rings, and it's his number, it's my 7 year old daughter calling me. 

He picks up our daughter from daycare at 5, and in the past, I am supposed to have dinner ready and waiting by the time they get home around 5:45...yet, I get off at 5 too, and usually still have to get to the grocery store. Now, he will pick her up, but they won't show up to the house until sometime after 6:30 or later...but no text, or phone call to say they are running late, or need to stop somewhere, or he has to go back to work for a while. Nothing. So dinner sits on the stove for sometimes 2 hours after it's done. 

We have had numerous fights lately. One about the fact that he wants "theater seating" in our small basement, and I said that I didn't think it would fit, and you could no longer face people to sit and talk. He stormed up the stairs and out the back door, telling me...well...that's settled!

He also recently bought a new mattress, unknown to me, which showed up at our door, (it was foam, so it fit in a box). Put it on our bed, and never said anything. I tried out the mattress for 2 days and was in so much pain, that I couldn't walk. He asked me how I liked it, and I told him it was uncomfortable for me...he said, well, I like it so it's staying. Ugh! 

We don't talk to each other unless we fight. Our last fight resulted in him saying that he would move out. I told him that he could stay in the house (he can afford it) and I would move out instead. I know that being married, I'm entitled to 1/2 the stuff, but honestly I don't want it, and I was never involved in purchasing most of it anyway. The separation was first thing we've agreed on in a long time.

We've said things here and there about me moving and finding a place (not the easiest thing where we live).

This morning he said that one of his friends wants us to come over and play a card game with them....uh...do you not remember I'm moving out? He hasn't shown me anymore respect since our last couple fights where we fought about the texting, and calling, and letting me know that he'd be late, and about the bed, or about anything else. 

I'm done. I need to get out as soon as I can. I'm just looking for a little support, as my mom thinks that I'm being a bit*h and that I should just deal with him the way he is like he's dealt with my dad, miserable, for 30+ years.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

So what is that is making them 90 minutes late after work? My gut is talking to me here....

It doesn't sound like he respects you, or that he even likes you very much. What made you decide to marry someone who "never really treated you very well"? Do you think its because your mom did the same with your dad? Hate to say this, but don't listen to your mom on this, if you are being mistreated, then you do need to get out. If you are sure that you want to be the one to leave, then start making your exit plan...open your own bank account to have your check deposited into, make copies of important papers, cancel joint credit cards, consult an attorney, and start looking for a place to move into. 

Sorry you are here.


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## BucketAnn82 (Aug 12, 2016)

We are on a family plan on our phones, so I know he's not cheating or anything like that, plus he has our daughter. He's either shopping, at a family members house or buying yet another thing of Facebook. 

I've gotten my own accounts, changed my direct deposit. Fortunately too, we have no joint debt except the house. All the vehicles are paid off and his school loans are his own and my medical is mine (both before we were married)


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## Ralph Bellamy (Aug 8, 2016)

It sounds like you two have contempt for each other. Have you tried counselling?


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## unbe (Dec 20, 2013)

BucketAnn82 said:


> We are on a family plan on our phones, so I know he's not cheating or anything like that, plus he has our daughter. He's either shopping, at a family members house or buying yet another thing of Facebook.
> 
> I've gotten my own accounts, changed my direct deposit. Fortunately too, we have no joint debt except the house. All the vehicles are paid off and his school loans are his own and my medical is mine (both before we were married)


sigh...seems to reek of infidelity.

Have you looked for a burner phone? He could be using chat apps that wouldn't show up on your phone plan. Is he phone locked? Does he keep it face down?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I vote for divorce. Sounds like a miserable way to live. I should know, I lived just like this for about 8 years! Divorce was final back in May. Life is great again!!!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

BucketAnn82 said:


> Our last fight resulted in him saying that he would move out.


I hope you told him to take that piece of crap foam mattress with him


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