# To the married men who have been cheated on, who was it with?



## Boxing judge

I would assume most woman cheat with people they work with followed by exes.

Who did your wife cheat on you with and were did she meet them?


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## xakulax

Well this thread is going to get a lot of interesting answers but I think it's better served being moved to coping with infidelity section


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## thatbpguy

POS #1- family friend as our daughters were close.

POS #2- friend of the neighbors and just started working on her when I was at work.

POS #3- some ex-con she met at a community college she was taking classes at.


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## HHB

Church choir director.


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## ConanHub

thatbpguy said:


> POS #1- family friend as our daughters were close.
> 
> POS #2- friend of the neighbors and just started working on her when I was at work.
> 
> POS #3- some ex-con she met at a community college she was taking classes at.


Um.....Yuk?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974

Her co worker


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## Healer

High school crush who wandered into the bar she worked at. Full on thug. Showed her a little of the attention she always wanted from him in HS and a $300 "tip" and boom, spread like peanut butter. Wh*re.


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## Jung_admirer

A former college boyfriend that moved to Central America but visited the USA on occasion.


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## TheHappyGuy

EA with co-worker.
ONS with buddy at a conference.


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## thatbpguy

HHB said:


> Church choir director.


No way!

Really?

Whatever happened to him?


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## Wolf1974

thatbpguy said:


> No way!
> 
> Really?
> 
> Whatever happened to him?


Promoted to minister the next day :smthumbup:


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## Shoto1984

I'm going to steal the "POS" thing as its so appropiate... 

POS #1 High School boyfriend, now cocaine addict, she "reconnected" with on Facebook. He had just had a baby with his girlfriend on top of it.

POS #2 Grade school / high school aquaintance....again "thank you Facebook"


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## jin

Co-worker


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## D.H Mosquito

A friend of hers first EA then turned physical


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## Racer

All but one of my wife's AP's were related to a specific job she had. That could mean they were in different regions and hooked up during training seminars, or friends of coworkers, or coworkers, or ex-coworkers who left the firm. The one exception was an exboyfriend from the past.


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## hieronymus

Two exes. One before our wedding. The other an EA 20 years later.


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## hookares

Mine was a equal-opportunity spreader. I think the guy who provided "our" first child may have been the first, but have no way of knowing. I think there were one of two others before her daughter was born. Others that I am aware of all had one thing in common.
None had jobs that could provide for themselves or a family.


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## Jayg14

Her old friend from HS.


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## ThePheonix

If this were my thread, its title would be, "previously married men whose ex-wife cheated on them". (well, unless she was extremely wealthy, gave me a very generous allowance and plenty of unfettered time.


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## Caribvistors

1.Family friend, a ONS

2. Her boss 

3. HS original bf that she dated a couple of times before meeting me. Reentered her life thru her work as a subcontractor, about 20+ years later. She wanted to see what she missed.

These were sexual affaires, no real emotional connections.


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## DoF

Shoto1984 said:


> I'm going to steal the "POS" thing as its so appropiate...
> 
> POS #1 High School boyfriend, now cocaine addict, she "reconnected" with on Facebook. He had just had a baby with his girlfriend on top of it.
> 
> POS #2 Grade school / high school aquaintance....again "thank you Facebook"


You should thank facebook, casuse without it, it might have take MANY more years and it would've hurt more.

In this case (and I don't say this often) facebook was a good thing wasn't it?

Better find this out early than later.


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## Observer

Most posts are men who have been cheated on...wow have things changed. 

I never had full proof of exactly who it was but I am 95% sure it was a co-worker. Who knows though, there could have been multiple people.


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## Sean Jacobs

My ex (first wife) cheated on with many people. I don't know about many of them. But here is what I do know.
1. 3 Co-workers (2 guys and 1 woman) from 3 different jobs
2. A bouncer at a club
3. A guy she she went to high school with

She had a rough upbringing and was raped repeatedly by an uncle between ages 8 & 9. She has lead a rough life since I left.


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## woundedwarrior

My former wife's best friend's ex husband. They had just gotten divorced, because he cheated on her and my wife was the friend who was the emotional sounding board. This caused problems with us, DUH! and so she escaped to him and cheated on me and then we divorced. They both are still single after failed attempts at another marriage or relationship. "you reap what you sow".


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## bravenewworld

Healer said:


> High school crush who wandered into the bar she worked at. Full on thug. Showed her a little of the attention she always wanted from him in HS and a $300 "tip" and boom, spread like peanut butter. Wh*re.


Why do SO many affairs involve some stupid high school crush?! Why would you pine after someone who rejected you??? Do these people have any sense of self esteem?? 

I swear we need t-shirts that say LIFE IS NOT a MOVIE on the front and DUMBASS on the back. 

/rant 
*Sorry just had a friend who was in this EXACT situation. Pisses me off - I don't understand it. At all.


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## unbelievable

1. neighbor
2. customer she met at the retail store she worked at.
3. anybody's guess who else.


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## jaquen

Observer said:


> Most posts are men who have been cheated on...wow have things changed.


That probably has something to do with the fact that it's a thread addressed specifically to men...in the men's clubhouse.


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## SimplyAmorous

bravenewworld said:


> Why do SO many affairs involve some stupid high school crush?! Why would you pine after someone who rejected you??? Do these people have any sense of self esteem??
> 
> I swear we need t-shirts that say LIFE IS NOT a MOVIE on the front and DUMBASS on the back.
> 
> /rant
> *Sorry just had a friend who was in this EXACT situation. Pisses me off - I don't understand it. At all.


Because 1st loves can be very powerful.. I understand it.. I married my 1st love.. I have often felt if I left him (did break up once & dated another for a short time).. if I made that mistake, I do believe I would have regretted it my entire life.. 

Our 2nd son & his GF have been together for 3 yrs.. they are just 17.. I have told them many times.....IF you ever break up.. "DO NOT.. I repeat.. DO NOT look each other up on Facebook!"..... there is a strong emotional bond there.. many memories, many 1sts.. if one is more geared a Romantic at heart.. these things will have more of "a hold" on someone.. (I am this sort of person, so I should know!)

Sure sometimes 1st loves can marry and feel they missed out on others.. it can go both ways.. I've heard some stories where the families moved and THIS broke them up..or parents broke them up feeling they were too young...Some are just too immature to know how to navigate a relationship , yet they still had something very special.. the laughter, good times.. 

I can easily see the allure for a 1st Love.. depending on the reasons for the break up.. just saying...


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## larry.gray

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sure sometimes 1st loves can marry and feel they missed out on others.. it can go both ways.. I've heard some stories where the families moved and THIS broke them up..or parents broke them up feeling they were too young...Some are just too immature to know how to navigate a relationship , yet they still had something very special.. the laughter, good times..


A good buddy of mine grew up with a gal, and they ended up dating. When they were 15, his parents moved away and the long distance relationship didn't last. They both married others.

Fast forward 35 years later, and they are both divorced. They were both cheated on. They meet up at their HS reunion and end up going on an extended date right after. Now they're married and quite happy.


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## ConanHub

larry.gray said:


> A good buddy of mine grew up with a gal, and they ended up dating. When they were 15, his parents moved away and the long distance relationship didn't last. They both married others.
> 
> Fast forward 35 years later, and they are both divorced. They were both cheated on. They meet up at their HS reunion and end up going on an extended date right after. Now they're married and quite happy.


Happy for them Larry.&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naiveonedave

SimplyAmorous said:


> Because 1st loves can be very powerful.. I understand it.. I married my 1st love.. I have often felt if I left him (did break up once & dated another for a short time).. if I made that mistake, I do believe I would have regretted it my entire life..
> 
> Our 2nd son & his GF have been together for 3 yrs.. they are just 17.. I have told them many times.....IF you ever break up.. "DO NOT.. I repeat.. DO NOT look each other up on Facebook!"..... there is a strong emotional bond there.. many memories, many 1sts.. if one is more geared a Romantic at heart.. these things will have more of "a hold" on someone.. (I am this sort of person, so I should know!)
> 
> Sure sometimes 1st loves can marry and feel they missed out on others.. it can go both ways.. I've heard some stories where the families moved and THIS broke them up..or parents broke them up feeling they were too young...Some are just too immature to know how to navigate a relationship , yet they still had something very special.. the laughter, good times..
> 
> I can easily see the allure for a 1st Love.. depending on the reasons for the break up.. just saying...


after reading around on CWI, I kinda wonder if there is some kind of chemical bond formed with your 1st that is never broken. 100s of years ago, folks pretty much teamed up for life much younger than some start dating today. May be an evolutionary/biology thing.


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## Married but Happy

naiveonedave said:


> after reading around on CWI, I kinda wonder if there is some kind of chemical bond formed with your 1st that is never broken.


There may be some truth to that. However, it's more likely the BEST you've ever had sexually where this bond persists - if you've only had one or the first was the best, they your supposition is a subset of this.

The Psychology Of Sex: Why It's Impossible To Get Over Your 'Best'

This may also explain why so many cheat with an ex - if the ex is the best they've had, that sexual bond could persist despite many good reasons to not be together.


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## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Why do SO many affairs involve some stupid high school crush?!


Old flames burn the brightes t.



SimplyAmorous said:


> Because 1st loves can be very powerful..


Yep.



HHB said:


> Church choir director.


Ouch. 

Singing in hymns?


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## SamuraiJack

Somebody she met at a training I think.
It's never been "admitted" by her...but the signs all point to it.
I mean ALL the signs.


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## Caribvistors

How often you hear about a person attending their HS reunion and running into their 1st love, after so many years. That meeting leads to dating (if currently married, maybe divorce) and often with them marrying. I have a couple of friends who experienced that scenario. 

My wife often mentioned her first HS boyfriend and I knew that she still had some sort of an "emotional connection". After he graduated HS he went off to college in Florida, so their short term dating relationship ended and they never saw each other again. About 28 years later he suddenly reentered her life as a result of being hired as a subcontractor where she worked.

As mentioned above by SimplyAmorous, 1st loves can be very powerful.


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## SimplyAmorous

I haven't read a whole lot about this.. but the subject is close to my







as I am watching our teen sons going through *1st loves*..










Also the heartbreak of 3rd son when he was dumped by his 1st...(a story there, a night where I sat & talked with him 2 hours ... it was vulnerable...it was after the fact he dealt with it on his own... I did not realize HIS hidden devastation at the time...HE DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL...Metal







& a bit of a "I don't give a sh** " attitude along with "all girls can go DIE!" helped him through.. 

Then lo & behold...another girl entered ...and WOW...these 2 have something.... what a DIFFERENCE from his 1st... It's lovely to behold really...And he is just 16..

I am trying to gather some research & may do a thread on this subject in the parenting section eventually...asking how Parents deal with it.. these are not small matters to be brushed aside....as I do feel our 1st loves can influence us in ways we may not realize.. 

*Here are some statistics on this* ...



> Teenagers in Love - Sticky bonds, Lost loves, Romances
> 
> Adults who underestimate the strength of the bond-- or the impact of the loss -- of a first love may have forgotten what a blow it was when they lost their own first loves. They may even try to comfort teenagers with lighthearted lessons: a surprising number of men and women wrote to me to bitterly complain about parents who joked years ago, "Don't worry! Boyfriends/girlfriends are like buses... a new one comes along every ten minutes!" This was not helpful, and it was not funny. The loss of a first love can be so crushing to some teenagers that they become suicidal.
> 
> The pain of the breakup will subside with time, but the love may stay buried and dormant for decades. While most men and women find satisfying partners after first love breakups, there are adults who spend their married years aware that "something is missing." They continue to think about their lost first loves. Perhaps if they had married their first loves when they were younger, they tell me, they could have formed lasting and fulfilling marriages, but they will never know. These romances were interrupted - often by their parents' interference.
> 
> In my recent survey of 1600 people (who had never tried a reunion with a lost love), ages 18 to 92, 56% of the participants said they would not want to go back to their first loves, 19% were not sure -- but 25% said they would!
> 
> Even the adults who had no current interest in their first loves, including those who had only bitter memories, revealed that these early romances influenced their life-long attitudes about love, and even about themselves.
> 
> The longer I study lost loves and lost love reunions, the clearer it becomes to me how important young love really is. First love, young love, is indeed real love. This intense love does not come along every ten minutes. For some people, it may come only once in a lifetime.


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## WasDecimated

XWW #1 A co-worker she met the day after we came back from our Honeymoon. Married one year.

XWW #2 An old school friend...Thanks Facebook. Married 16 years.


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## ConservativeBamaFan

My wife tried to fix her best friends marriage by reaching out to her best friends husband. She actually ask ne if I thought it was a good idea. I said yes. Little did I know she went way beyond the call of duty and done here best friends husband...The excuse....we had so much in common and it was easy to talk...


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## arbitrator

*My rich, skanky XW's "satyrs" of choice during our marriage were:

No. 1- The best friend of her deceased first H, who had years earlier worked with him as an engineer in the computer industry. He had long since left that firm, only to live his dream as a C&W musician wannabe hoping to reach stardom on Austin City Limits. "Little Lord Lardass" resided in the Texas Hill Country, conveniently located some 2 hours from our residence! He was divorced himself. Evidence revealed that this relationship went a torrid PA.

No. 2- A spurned, one-time HS boyfriend of hers, who had gone on to become a medical practitioner in a South Texas town situated only a very short 3 hours from us. A married father of five grown kids, evidence showed that this relationship with "Doogie Howser" was both EA and PA.

So what did these two guys have in common? Other than for obviously looking for pieces of "strange," they both reconnected with her on Facebook after her own kids had showed her exactly how to set up an account! They also were in very close proximity to her to afford her the convenient opportunity to make numerous road trips to see them right there in their very own domiciles, as well as in neutral locales!*


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## BashfulB

The OM was a handyman who took care of the properties that my landlord owned. One day, while I was away driving, he offered my xWW a joint. Within a couple weeks they were sleeping together and he got her hooked on meth. After he went back to prison she hooked up with his various suppliers and serviced them for her addiction.


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## SKYCOWBOY_NYC

Ex boyfriend. Luckily I had did some "cheating" also so I just called it even. I must say we almost divorced but we managed to talk and fix things up. 6 years later we're happy and have a baby girl


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## weightlifter

Caribvistors said:


> How often you hear about a person attending their HS reunion and running into their 1st love, after so many years. That meeting leads to dating (if currently married, maybe divorce) and often with them marrying. I have a couple of friends who experienced that scenario.
> 
> My wife often mentioned her first HS boyfriend and I knew that she still had some sort of an "emotional connection". After he graduated HS he went off to college in Florida, so their short term dating relationship ended and they never saw each other again. About 28 years later he suddenly reentered her life as a result of being hired as a subcontractor where she worked.
> 
> As mentioned above by SimplyAmorous, 1st loves can be very powerful.


Unclear. She cheated with him? Or just backing up the first love discussion?


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## Caribvistors

weghtlifter

In response to your question, yes she did cheat with her old HS boyfriend. They engaged in a long term, but infrequent meeting relationship, due to the long distance from where they lived.


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## SimplyAmorous

intheory said:


> *Somebody who is a "crush" probably means someone that didn't like you back. * So, I agree with braveneworld, why would you reconnect with them in anyway. I thought of the names of 5 boys I crushed on in HS. Would any of them appeal to me today. No. It's just funny remembering how I used to feel.
> 
> *What SA is talking about is "first love". So, that's mutual and reciprocated. And I'm sure it must be very powerful.*


All the *crushes* I had in high school NEVER KNEW.. I was bashful and felt the guy needs to pursue.. so they just NEVER KNEW, I admired from a far... and yep.. they were basically NOTHING. I did have a couple "*puppy loves*" before my husband, we called each other "boyfriend & girlfriend" sort of thing, wrote some notes..... but that , too, was basically nothing. 

A* 1st love* is most definitely on a higher plain reaching to an almost awakening unto our deepest wants & romance.... where you have shared your hearts, laughed into the night, dreamed of a future together, and the world would have crashed if it ever ended... it seemed so RIGHT .... Memories like that, attached to old love songs, places, where you felt on a "high" ... I think they live inside many people.. 

I am very BIG on memories, so it would have been very difficult for me to erase someone from my life.. 
I tend to look back a lot.. and smile.


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## Dogbert

POSOM was one of her married female co-worker's lovers. POS skank told my ex-wife, that her affairs brought her and her - unsuspecting - husband, closer emotionally and physically. I guess my ex-wife being a [email protected]$$, jealous and insecure woman, bought into that bull$h!t and when her opportunity came, she grabbed it - among other things.


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## askari

*


SimplyAmorous said:



Because 1st loves can be very powerful.. I understand it.. I married my 1st love.. I have often felt if I left him (did break up once & dated another for a short time).. if I made that mistake, I do believe I would have regretted it my entire life..

Click to expand...

*


SimplyAmorous said:


> I agree with this entirely. I was involved with a lovely girl between about the ages of 19 and 22. We took each others virginity - which to us was 'special'. We really thought, probably like all 20 year olds in love, that this was the real thing.
> 
> She dumped me as we went to universities on different continents. It was inevitable.
> 
> However, if she ever came back into my life who knows what would happen.....


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## Yeswecan

Co-worker with disability(used cane). He needed her help. You understand and all, right? 

Come to find out she would flop on the floor like a fish at the blink of an eye. Glad I broke that engagement.


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## toonaive

bravenewworld said:


> Why do SO many affairs involve some stupid high school crush?! Why would you pine after someone who rejected you??? Do these people have any sense of self esteem??
> 
> I swear we need t-shirts that say LIFE IS NOT a MOVIE on the front and DUMBASS on the back.
> 
> /rant
> *Sorry just had a friend who was in this EXACT situation. Pisses me off - I don't understand it. At all.


I would like one of those t shirts!


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## CR1013

Her best friends husband...


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## altawa

Her last ex before me (that treated her like complete ****).


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## samyeagar

My youngest son's fourth grade teacher. Started when my son was in fourth grade, and still going, almost four years later now. Damn it, I wish they would move in together or get married so I could stop paying alimony...


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## naiveonedave

samyeagar said:


> My youngest son's fourth grade teacher. Started when my son was in fourth grade, and still going, almost four years later now. Damn it, I wish they would move in together or get married so I could stop paying alimony...


this is a way men get screwed in D. I feel for you, this sux.


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## lenzi

samyeagar said:


> My youngest son's fourth grade teacher. Started when my son was in fourth grade, and still going, almost four years later now. Damn it, I wish they would move in together or get married so I could stop paying alimony...


Writing that check's gotta hurt.

If it's for a significant amount, they're not going to do anything to disrupt that income flow.

I read stories like this and it makes it a bit easier to cut the child support check every month, even though I know my child isn't going to see a good chunk of it.

If it makes it any easier for you, consider that sometimes the courts don't consider "living together" the same thing as "cohabitation" unless finances are shared and it can be proven. 

I've read countless stories where the two cheaters move in together and a petition is filed to eliminate alimony but the court rules that it doesn't quality because they don't share living expenses. Now THAT's gotta hurt.


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## samyeagar

There was a pretty big reorganization announced at work, effective April 1 that is leading to me taking a 22% paycut if I want to keep my job. The way it works in my state, there is no formula for alimony, simply a straight dollar amount, same with child support, however, child support is based on a percentage formula and the court has to be petitioned when there is a change in circumstances to change the dollar amount. I have no doubt my ex wife is going to fight my petition, even though in most normal cases, it would be rubber stamp approved by the courts. To put this in perspective...

My net pay after the paycut, after mandatory taxes, social security, health insurance...84% of it will be going directly to her in the form of cash and vehicle payments...


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## snerg

samyeagar said:


> There was a pretty big reorganization announced at work, effective April 1 that is leading to me taking a 22% paycut if I want to keep my job. The way it works in my state, there is no formula for alimony, simply a straight dollar amount, same with child support, however, child support is based on a percentage formula and the court has to be petitioned when there is a change in circumstances to change the dollar amount. I have no doubt my ex wife is going to fight my petition, even though in most normal cases, it would be rubber stamp approved by the courts. To put this in perspective...
> 
> My net pay after the paycut, after mandatory taxes, social security, health insurance...84% of it will be going directly to her in the form of cash and vehicle payments...


Hot Snot.

84%!?!

How is it expected that you survive on 16% of what you bring home?

You need a better lawyer.


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## Cluster

STBXW – Daughters ex-boyfriend. 19 year marriage down the crapper after that one. Likely she had more along the way but who knows. Kid is 20 plus years her Jr and I guess it was a midlife psychotic break or something (FUBAR). She was very attached to this kid and always seemed way to involved in their relationship. When my daughter ended the relationship my ex simply couldn’t deal with it and picked up where her daughter left off. My daughter was 17 at the time and he was 20 or 21. I’m guessing this dude just saw my wife as the next best thing. If he couldn’t have my daughter he wanted to have my wife. Poor kid got the short end of the stick but thankfully he got me out of a crappy situation as I don’t have to cut an alimony check. Paying alimony would have likely sent me to the big house for life.


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## arbitrator

I forgot all about my first ex-wife.

She became enamored with a corporate VP some 30 years her senior who helped pave the way for a rather large promotion on her part.

It gave a whole new meaning to the business term, The Peter Principle, as she was ultimately shown into a corporate position that truly revealed her level of incompetence, all while the VP was having his "Peter" principled by her!


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## Maria Canosa Gargano

Cluster said:


> STBXW – Daughters ex-boyfriend. 19 year marriage down the crapper after that one. Likely she had more along the way but who knows. Kid is 20 plus years her Jr and I guess it was a midlife psychotic break or something (FUBAR). She was very attached to this kid and always seemed way to involved in their relationship. When my daughter ended the relationship my ex simply couldn’t deal with it and picked up where her daughter left off. My daughter was 17 at the time and he was 20 or 21. I’m guessing this dude just saw my wife as the next best thing. If he couldn’t have my daughter he wanted to have my wife. Poor kid got the short end of the stick but thankfully he got me out of a crappy situation as I don’t have to cut an alimony check. Paying alimony would have likely sent me to the big house for life.


She ended up marrying him?

Also very disturbing for your daughter I imagine. She probably looked back on all those seemingly innocent interactions in a different light. Does your daughter still have a relationship with her mother?

Always weirds me out when the AP is the same age as the WS kids.


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## Maria Canosa Gargano

arbitrator said:


> I forgot all about my first ex-wife.
> 
> She became enamored with a corporate VP some 30 years her senior who helped pave the way for a rather large promotion on her part.
> 
> It gave a whole new meaning to the business term, The Peter Principle, as she was ultimately shown into a corporate position that truly revealed her level of incompetence, all while the VP was having his "Peter" principled by her!


One of your wittiest posts. I do miss the colors though.

Still waiting on the book!


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## alexm

The one that I KNOW of - an acquaintance (of sorts) of both of ours. Fairly well-known video blogger (vlogger?) around some circles. Started out online only, progressed further. They're married now.

The 2 that I strongly suspect - a local pet food store owner around the same age who she'd see at least once a week when picking up pet food. Progressed to a couple of times a week, to "I stopped in to say hi" to eventually friendly enough that he'd stop by our house with his dog occasionally. And even more friendly enough that I set him up with a female co-worker of mine.

And the other, a long (long, LONG) ago ex boyfriend. Somebody she dated when she was 12 and 13, and maintained a friendship with throughout high school. Parents were friends and lived in the same neighborhood, and older sisters were friends for many years, so she heard about his comings-and-goings all the time.

And the ones I have no actual evidence of whatsoever, but strongly suspect given her apparent nature: randoms, especially from the gym. Different breed of folks at those places. I saw my ex wife change before my eyes after she got a gym membership. Nothing against gym rats, but like I said, they're a different breed of folks from me. Hans and Franz are only a slight exaggeration, imo. All-consuming mindset, including not wanting to socialize with people who aren't working on their bodies.


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## arbitrator

Maria: I guess that I can't quite figure out how to give you those bold "DarkSlateBlue" colors when I'm using my iPhone for TAM activities!

Well, now at least you'll know whenever I'm using the iPhone for those purposes, like maybe right now!


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## Ceegee

Co-worker...

So cliche.


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## Skierbri10

Pos #1. Someone she met online and met up with while a conference in Boston, while we lived in Hawaii. 

Pos #2-~ probably the same douches, maybe some closer.


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## toolforgrowth

Ceegee said:


> Co-worker...
> 
> So cliche.


Me too.

And yep...totally cliche.


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## Pumpkin2015

My first wife met her "presend husband" via internet.. It's so pathetic! They met on https://kovla.com/datings/us I found out that she was talking with some guys on this site, I was furious, but I forgave her..and after a few months she left me for one of those guys, David( I was shocked. But Now I'm happy with my second wife!


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## TheGoodGuy

Ex#1 (short 2 year marriage right out of high school)
POS#1 - some dude she met while working her job as a hair stylist at the mall - got pregnant by him
POS#2 - shortly after delivering that baby (before I had a DNA test done to see it wasn't mine) met another POS at her shop and left me for him. He adopted the child and I think they're still married today.

Ex#2 (9 year marriage and the reason I'm on TAM)
POS#1 - Drunken ONS with a brother of some friends of ours
POS#2 - Her boss at a small catering company
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Those are the ones I know about. Based on her actions during/after the divorce there may well have been others she hid from me. She went on a tear at that point, and slept with 2 different dudes at her apartment complex, another at work, (don't know why she felt the urge to tell me about all of them) and then met her now husband.


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## honestman131

My story re first loves. Did she "cheat"? Emotionally, for sure. Physically? I still don't know:
My wife and I in original marriage for 30 years. Grown children. We both believe in marriage, family, and faithful marital relationships.
We have had our ups and downs over the decades but got through everything ok....until now.
12 months ago I uncovered 33 recent emails between my wife and her first boyfriend from late teenage years. The emails referenced their current thoughts and feelings for each other from years ago: music, poetry, emotion, memories, experiences. The emails I discovered have been taking place secretly for the last 8 years. The content also references chat messages they used but were deleted. My wife gave him her phone number several times and encouraged him to call her, and stop by to visit when she is local. He lives in a different country than we do, and the communication increases when she is in that location to visit family 3 times a year. He is also married (happily?) for 25 plus years with kids and grandchildren.
She denied everything when I confronted her. But I had printed out the emails to show her so her denial stopped. She said it was innocent, and focused on remembrances that she would recall with him in the same way she would with a sibling or with an old female friend from college days. She says that she has not seen this person in over 30 years. She has been unclear how many times they spoken on the phone, indicating something less than 5 times over the years. Yet they were Facebook friends, and she would sometimes advise him in advance of her upcoming family visits to the area he lives. When he didn't respond to her emails she would write him again and reprimand him, saying she was getting tired of being the one to push this "friendship". The emails I discovered don't use hot affair words like, love, adore, sexual etc., but they do recall feelings they felt for each other decades ago, and say those feelings and experiences will always live inside them and in their hearts. It is maddening to read your spouses words to another man when she uses care and detail to express herself in a way that is never sent to me. She also sent him a picture of herself to him last Christmas (unsolicited) from her smart phone. I was out of town that week and never got an affectionate email like that nor any picture.
My trust for her is shaken. After so many years of marriage to find my spouse hiding this from me is unnerving. I never heard of or knew the definition of an emotional affair until googling it after this occurred. She had secret meetings with him online, shared intimate thoughts with him, these were kept secret from me. She said and wrote things to him that she would never do in front of me. She arranged private communication and talk time with him. She shared stuff with him that she doesn't share with me. I told her, marriage is a union--not sharing with me corrupts it.
Since confronting her, she has agreed to block him on Facebook, and to stop writing and communicating to him. Yet I get triggered all the time. A couple months ago I went through it all again, needing to discuss it with her. She says she doesn't like feeling like she is on the witness stand in court. She insists no communication has taken place since I discovered it. Yet, I am not in peace. What if I would not have discovered it? Obviously, the emails would have continued. I don't have access to all her email all the time, and even if I did it is so simple to open dummy accounts or communicate instantly. I dont want to keep checking her accounts, phone, etc. But how can I get to a point where I trust her again. Is it even possible?


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## backcountry

Old friend from highschool


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