# 3 1/2 years later



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Well, here we are, 3 1/2 years after my first post, gee, how time flies

ex got what she wanted, her and her family have this thing where ex partners are totally cut off, she has now 'convinced' my 2 sons to not have anything to do with me, I cant afford the $$ to take it all back to court, so deal with it I am, I just hope that some time down the track the boys see what she has done and decide for themselves they want to get back in contact with me.

So, with the boys not wanting to see me, I decided to take up a friend on her offer and moved state, 1,800km (1120 miles) from Victoria to Queensland (look it up on google maps  cheap board / lodgings, training in a new career (and at 55, that is scary, I have been a truck driver for the last 30 years!) at a heavily discounted price.

Been here for a little over a month now and all is good, going to have to put myself out there and make new friends, but I figure thats what I had to do 3 1/2 years ago

The only other thing, my ex is on here, what user name she is using, dont know, and dont really care


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you children?

Does your ex know your user name?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Time has a way of working things out.

To me, parental alienation is insidious. Says quite a lot about the perpetrator.

I think it's great that you have chosen such a bold move for yourself. Best of luck.


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

Crankshaw,

I agree this behavior is insidious... However I agree that the moving is probably a good idea and as time moves on they will figure it out. Be strong as a driver has to be. 

I do get the 55 year old and changing careers. I am doing that as we speak. 

Godspeed.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You will never get them back if you abandon them. Moving is one thing - I hope you plan to TRY to stay in touch. Let the ex be the one pushing them away - don't make it easy. Call/email/skype/snail mail - let them know you love them and this isn't your choice.

I highly recommend reading "Breaking the Ties that Bind" - adults who were alienated look back and comment. Most of them do attempt to reconnect but the ones that knew the other parents kept trying really felt badly that they said/did awful things the alienating parent made them say/do. They seem to better see both sides. If you completely abandon them, they will be more confrontational and want to know why you abandoned them - their memory will not be of you trying to see them and getting blocked, but rather of you never trying.

I don't know anything about your country. I hear horror stories and don't know if I got lucky because I was stubborn and kept pushing for answers and for someone to see it but I didn't give up. I wasn't going to lose my daughter. Ex even said I could give up custody and he wouldn't ask for child support. It was never about the money and has always been about her. But asking for a custody evaluation by a guardian ad litem was huge as well as the psych eval... finally there were too many impartial parties seeing the same things I saw.

Best of luck.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

The court ordered that you couldn't have any visitation with your kids? Not even every other weekend or a few weeks in the summer? I find that hard to believe unless there is something you aren't telling us.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

COguy said:


> The court ordered that you couldn't have any visitation with your kids? Not even every other weekend or a few weeks in the summer? I find that hard to believe unless there is something you aren't telling us.


nah, court orders said that I had the kids every 2nd weekend, but here, court orders are not worth the paper they are written on.
Soon to be making, I am hoping, a final move, an hour further north, 

Kids know how to contact me (via facebook) should they ever decide to want to, they are also facebook friends with my daughter, anything I post on fb is set to 'friends of friends' so they can read what I write on FB/
I do not have ph number or an address for them, they are well aware that not seeing them is NOT my choice.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

oh, and reasonably happily single, at a point where I say to hell with being in a relationship, was in a relationship short term, thought she was 'the one' turned out not so good, so I dont need to be in a relationship, I dont need anyone to look after me, sure, would be nice to cuddle with a female I liked, but better to be single for the foreseeable future  Heck, dont even 'date' if I go out, I much prefer to do so in a group


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Don give up on females just because ur ex did terrible things to you. 
😊
There are good ppl out there 


For your kids 
I think you should at least talk to them on the phone 
Occasionally bring them out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I don't think there's a court in western civilization that doesn't enforce orders that it writes. Are you in Africa or Asia?

Sounds to me like you're just looking for an excuse to not have to put forth effort to see your children. Try explaining that to your kids when they get older. I'd tell you to take a hike if you were my dad.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

That's right


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yep. Enforcing an order can be done but it takes effort. Forcing her to comply with providing a phone # where they can be reached, or if the kids are on FB they can give you their numbers themselves but apparently don't want to... because you didn't fight for them. SMH


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