# I've lost the connection with my husband.



## B-Kat (Nov 9, 2010)

Hi I'm new here but glad I found this site!

I have been with dh for 8 yrs, married for 5. My second marriage, his first. We have a 4 yr old and I have 2 older children from first marriage.

Our marriage has been rocky to say the least. It had gotten better the last year with better communication. Now it's worse then ever for me.

Most recently he went to Vegas for his brothers wedding. I was not impressed with all the $$ that it took away from our family. The whole wedding is/was a joke. I have zero respect for his brother and less for his new wife but whatever - they deserve each other. I felt really uneasy about the trip from the beginning. I was given no details unless I totally demanded that he tell me i.e. what hotel he was staying at, what day(s) he was travelling, what day the wedding was, what they were doing...
The night before he left I said that I had a lot of fears that our marriage could be ruined by this trip, and all over his stupid brother. I said that I thought there would be strippers, callgirls and skanks, and if there was it would change everything. He assured me that there would be none of that. He loved me and was only going out of family duty.

So he texted me as soon as he arrived and phoned that day. He was going shopping and then out with family that night. He didn't call or text until late next afternoon. "Good time, very hot there, yadda yadda" Day 3 he called after the wedding and then the next day before his flight.

The night he got home we were lying in bed and I was prying details out of him, how many people, how did your tux fit, how was the food, then I asked "How were the strippers?" Big smile on his face and he said "They were fine, who told you?" I managed to control my surprise and said "Oh good, how much money did you spend?" $100 he tells me.

I know that to many many people strippers are fine. They are not fine to me. I'm not a prude, I'm not sexually inhibited in any way but, my husband paying a stranger $ to sexually arouse him doesn't sit well with me in my marriage.

It made my skin crawl. He lied, he hid it and for what?! It was obviously worth it to him.

A week later I see the facebook pictures that others posted. Yet another great surprise - no wedding ring on my husbands hand!

I'm disgusted with him. It's like I have disconnected myself from him. I have lost respect and lost the trust. I've pulled back and put up a wall. Who knows who he was with and what he did. It doesn't matter, he lied and left the symbol of our marriage hidden while he partied it up in Vegas out of his sense of "family duty".

I'm scaird because this is how I felt when my first marriage ended. I didn't have any sense of connection.

I don't know if I can get the feeling back. I don't know if I can ever love him like I used to. I don't know what the future holds.

I feel alone, heartbroken, and defeated.


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

Your #1 priority is to DO WHAT'S RIGHT for your kids. Kids need and deserve the best parental role models they can get so turn you focus on the emotional needs of your kids and then you will know exactly what to do to protect them from damage by terrible parental role modeling.


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