# Husband Doesn't Care



## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

So I have posted a couple of times on here now, I have gotten some good advise so here I go again. Back in June I lost my job suddenly and I was out of work for a month, which is very hard on me because the only time I have ever not worked was during maternity leave with all my kids. So when I got a job in August I started working on the 2nd floor. Well I knew that I was overweight but I really didn't care, I never wore make-up or dressed nice, except for how I had to dress for work. My last job was at home, so I had to go buy new work clothes because my old ones were 3 sizes too small. I also had to buy all new make-up because my kids had gotten into mine and I just never replaced it. 

Well when I realized that I was getting short of breath just walking around the office building and I had weighed in close to 300 lbs at my last doctors appointment I knew my weight was getting out of control. Now I have always been a heavy girl, but in high school I weighed about 160. Which looking back for my height was nice and perfect not to skinny right in the range I am supposed to be in, but even then I thought I was fat cause I was always in double digit size clothes. 

So I started looking into Gyms and joined curves, I also had a co-worker at my new job show me how to use contouring and highlights to do my make-up so it looked natural. Now I have a minor case of Rosacea so I have always used concealers and stuff to hide the red when I cared to wear makeup and now that I know how to do my makeup to hide the Rosacea and have a flawless natural looking skin I where makeup all the time except on the weekends. 

Well at first my husband said that he like the new makeup I was doing better then the 5 min job I did before, because it was more natural. Well I started getting different types of eye shadow to match my outfits, and I purposefully got blue because that's his favorite color and since I have Hazel eyes I knew the blue eye shadow would bring out the blue in my eyes. 

When I asked him how he liked it I was told that he didn't like me in makeup at all and he wants me to look natural. He is also not supporting my weight loss goals because he "doesn't care what I look like." But I keep getting the feeling that he wants me to be fat and ugly so that no other guys will look at me.

I just want him to support me, he says that he is not insecure but he keeps saying how do I know your not doing this to attract other guys. I am so annoyed. 

Also we are struggling financially and he had a choice between an 18 per hour job and a commission only job which if successful would bring in more money. I full supported him in his decision to take the commission only job because that is what he really wanted to do, but it has been a month and he has not made any money and all I have asked him for was for a if date, if you don't start making money by such and such date, you will call the other company back, is that so wrong to ask. 

Is it wrong for me to think that he doesn't like my makeup and weight loss goals because he is insecure and thinks I am doing it for another guy even though he keeps telling me he is not insecure.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yes, that is some serious insecurity on his part. If you are/were 300lbs, that is very unhealthy and the steps you have taken to improve are vital to your well being. This is NOT about him, and he needs to come to terms with that fact. Keep doing what you are doing, despite his lack of support. Shame on him.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

Yes I was 315 lbs when I started at Curves (an all women gym) and at my first months weigh in I was 304 and I lost 5 inches, he seems to be okay with me working out MOST of the time, the other day he got mad cause I was 15 minutes late leaving the Gym and calling him. His biggest problem is the make-up, I went without any make-up for almost 2 years, my kids got into it and made a mess everywhere and I NEVER replaced it, partially because I was working from home and didn't care, but I find that making myself look good in my larger size helps me stay on my weigh loss plan.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You have done so great. Congrats. 

Your husband is feeling insecure and worried that you will leave him. He thinks some other man will notice you and you will get all of this attention. Then, you will not want him anymore. That's the biggest issue.

Since, he is not doing so well at his job, and you are now doing well, he is feeling a little defeated. So, instead of talking about it. He turns it on you, to make you feel bad. 

Don't let his negative attitude prevents you from being positive. Don't fall back on old routines, keep moving forward.

You keep dressing in the way that gives you confidence. Let your husband know the make up is just war paint. I have a son, who every morning we go thru the same questions, why are you wearing makeup and putting on lipstick? You are just taking me to school. He is worried that some man is going to notice his mum and take me away. When I complain to my husband, he says his son is looking out for him. 

So, it's just all those insecurities that are playing out. One of the best things you can do for your husband is to keep telling how important he is to you. When you are discussing the job, don't order him to do things, gentle guiding and prodding works best. Honey, babe, what do you think is going on with the current job? Do you think that you fit that job? Maybe the other choice would be a better fit? What do you think? It's all in the delivery. One is making him question what he is currently do. The other is ordering him to do something.

Keep letting him know you love him. Show his affection. Once, he realize that you are not going anywhere and you still love and adore him. He will stop being an ass.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

You're doing nothing wrong. Keep up the good work in caring for yourself!! Your husband can go to counseling to work on his extreme insecurity.


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