# Appropriate response to wife??



## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

So obviously I am a jealous guy and I have been working hard to fix it. There are 2 situations I need peoples opinions on. 1st, she is going to be working a golf outing with her sister which I am also playing in. She is helping get golfers to bet on closest to the pin. I joked that she needs to brush up on her flirting to generate more money. She said that she might wear this shirt she owns that is a vneck and pretty low cut so maybe some cleavage can generate more money for the charity. Should this upset me? On the one hand it's good natured and for a good cause. On the other hand I don't really want guys staring at her tits all day long! The 2nd issue is that we recently got a season pass for the local city pool. We have 3 little kids and she is basically a stay at home mom. I get that this is fun for the kids and something to do during the summer but she only owns one suit and it's a bikini. It isn't super skimpy but is it wrong to think that since I won't be there she should wear a more conservative suit? She is with the kids but once again I'll be working while she is catching looks at the pool I am sure. Please be honest and tell me if I am overreacting to any of this. Thanks!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Guys look at women's tits. You might not like it and women might occasionally get offended by it, but it is like it is. Get used to it (even learn to enjoy it as it really is a compliment for her - and in return for you, that you have such a hot wife).

2nd: Being at the pool with 3 kids is probably not as sexy as it sounds. Enjoy with her when she tells you about the days out at the pool.

My advice: Jealousy always drives a partner away. Sooner or later you will get what you expect and you'll never really know what caused it (she being attracted by another guy because he is so hot or because she is pissed off by an ever jealous, and by that all-controlling, husband). Be superior, not jealous - that will connect.


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## Encore DT (May 29, 2012)

I think the most important question is why you are so paranoid. Does she give you reason to be jealous? Does she behave in ways that make you feel insecure in your marriage? Or do you have your own insecurities that have nothing to do with her? If she gives you reasons to doubt her, then, in my opinion, you have every right to react the way you do.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ok... my question to you is this. Your a jealous man, you know this, you don't like the idea of anyone staring at your wife or checking her out. So.. why would you make a suggestion you know you wouldn't really approve of?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

The Renegade said:


> My advice: Jealousy always drives a partner away. Sooner or later you will get what you expect and you'll never really know what caused it (she being attracted by another guy because he is so hot or because she is pissed off by an ever jealous, and by that all-controlling, husband). Be superior, not jealous - that will connect.


Not all of us are driven away by this behavior, and in fact some of us see it as being territorial.. not so much jealous. My own husband doesn't like me wearing anything that shows cleavage. I'm fine with this and i understand it. Of course.. since he knows what would cause him to get jealous or irate.. he never suggest i do any of these things he knows he wouldn't approve of.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Oh.. forgot to add.. some of us see it as flattering ... not everyone is this way though .. not sure how your wife sees your jealousy... or does she know about it?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

From your post, you ARE over reacting. Stop it. It's all in YOUR head and has nothing to do with her. Stop it.


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## seesah (Apr 26, 2012)

jealoushubby said:


> So obviously I am a jealous guy and I have been working hard to fix it. There are 2 situations I need peoples opinions on. 1st, she is going to be working a golf outing with her sister which I am also playing in. She is helping get golfers to bet on closest to the pin. I joked that she needs to brush up on her flirting to generate more money. She said that she might wear this shirt she owns that is a vneck and pretty low cut so maybe some cleavage can generate more money for the charity. Should this upset me? On the one hand it's good natured and for a good cause. On the other hand I don't really want guys staring at her tits all day long! The 2nd issue is that we recently got a season pass for the local city pool. We have 3 little kids and she is basically a stay at home mom. I get that this is fun for the kids and something to do during the summer but she only owns one suit and it's a bikini. It isn't super skimpy but is it wrong to think that since I won't be there she should wear a more conservative suit? She is with the kids but once again I'll be working while she is catching looks at the pool I am sure. Please be honest and tell me if I am overreacting to any of this. Thanks!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're overreacting. It's not a matter that you shouldn't feel what you're feeling. You need to decide if you want to feel that way and move from there. It's good that you're realizing that you're jealous and trying to work on it. You are able to take a step back and question whether you're being rational and that's wonderful.. 

It doesn't matter what your wife wears, men are going to look. She can't control that, you can't control that, and you can't control her.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Ok... my question to you is this. Your a jealous man, you know this, you don't like the idea of anyone staring at your wife or checking her out. So.. why would you make a suggestion you know you wouldn't really approve of?


Good point! You suggested that she brush up on her flirting to generate more money for this charity and when she basically did a "one up", you freak. What I find funny is that she has this low cut blouse, which she likely wears out in public, with men staring at her chest... and you have no problem, apparently. But when it is suggested in jest, for something you are a part of, you don't like the idea? Can't have it both ways.

And the bikini....oh man, how I would LOVE to wear a bikini. Sadly, I don't have the body for it. Dude, lighten up with the bikini deal. She's going there with 3 kids. I can guarantee that she's more likely to look frazzled than sexy, when dealing with 3 kids. I mean, it's not like it's tassels on the nipples and a thong, right? I do agree that jealousy over something like this could push her away.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

If she is serious about actually showing extra cleavage, put the kibosh on that. That is not appropriate.

As far as the bikini. Hard to tell BUT, it is reasonable to say that a wife can wear a bikini on vaction when she is with her husband at the pool that would not be appropriate for her to wear with the kids by herself. 

I like my wife to dress sexy when we are out together. So my wife ups that a level when we are together and chooses more conservation style otherwise. This is her decision and not mine. I have never had to say anything in this area asking her to tone it down.

This is a judgement call. But I suggest that you may want to buy her a new one that you are comfortable with. Something nice but not overtly sexy that says I am a SAHM looking for some action. This would not hurt. She gets a new suit and you feel better about it. Win win. You may go looking however and find you are ok with what she has.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

seesah said:


> You're overreacting. It's not a matter that you shouldn't feel what you're feeling. You need to decide if you want to feel that way and move from there. It's good that you're realizing that you're jealous and trying to work on it. You are able to take a step back and question whether you're being rational and that's wonderful..
> 
> *It doesn't matter what your wife wears, men are going to look.* She can't control that, you can't control that, and you can't control her.


Men are going to look but what a wife wears can indeed matter. Since we have no visuals it is hard to say. The way a woman can instantly up her sex appeal and gather attention is by how she dresses. There is a way a woman can look sexy and be reasonably covered. That is also classy. That may draw attention but it is not an obvious I am looking for attention like showing skin will do. It absolutely makes a difference to the type of attention desired. So there is gray area between classy and skanky.

I think in this case the banter about the cleavage was a joke. But if she does this, it is not very funny and not appropriate. 

I think his comment that it is for a cause would not have anything to do with it. That is hilarious.

Whether or not he is jelaous in a bad way is hard to say. This is assumed. So often men are flat told they are jealous, insecure and controlling if they question anything about their wives behavior when they are really on solid ground. It is a knee jerk over reaction often to a man even having an opinion on anything.

This also has nothing to do with trust. He is concerned she might be putting out the wrong vibe. He has a right to feel this way. He knows how men are and so many folks are in denial about that.

I think he may indeed be over reacting. When it comes to clothing it is very hard for me to tell from his explanation. He said the bikini was super skimpy. Ok good. If it was this would be easier to say. I could see why he would not want her to wear anything overtly sexy alone, unless he wants her to look like a MILF looking for attention.

I mean he may be an extreme jealous guy for no reason at all. But I would not assume this.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Cleavage is trashy, and women in bikinis are inappropriate? 

Because... if she wears a bikini she is either on the prowl, or putting out signals that she is on the prowl...either intentionally or not?? Is that the logic? 

BS


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I would say, you are over reacting a little. I think she was jesting (in response to your comment on her flirting skills).. about the top. If she DOES go & pick out a very low cut shirt for that day.. then stop her. Just simply say that you thought she was joking around when she suggested it. Tell her you'd feel more comfortable with her wearing a regular T shirt that covered a bit more. Tell her she's beautiful enough as it is & just her smile will get the charity dollars needed. 

(That you know, deep down, even if she wears a turtle neck & covered from chin to toes.. If she has a good shaped body & at least average sized breasts.. men are gonna look no matter what she's wearing. Come on, you know it.)

If you are bothered that much about the bikini, then ask her if she wants to buy a new suit, since the kids have the summer pass for the pool. THen go with her when she picks it out & just mention that since you're not there, you would feel more comfortable if it was a one piece.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Cleavage is trashy, and women in bikinis are inappropriate?
> 
> Because... if she wears a bikini she is either on the prowl, or putting out signals that she is on the prowl...either intentionally or not?? Is that the logic?
> 
> BS


Cleavage is very often trashy. It is obviously trashy depending on the setting. Like the golf event. It can be walmart trashy for sure.

Depending on the bikini yes. I indicated one could not tell. I suggested that he could buy her a new bathing suit and that would be a win win. That is what a mature and thoughtful man would do if he had any concerns.

I am saying that how a woman dresses makes a difference. Venue matters. You can disagree and it will not hurt my feelings. Promise.

You can have different standards in your marriage. I suggest that the OP can have his standards and still not be a jealous guy.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Chelle D said:


> I would say, you are over reacting a little. I think she was jesting (in response to your comment on her flirting skills).. about the top. If she DOES go & pick out a very low cut shirt for that day.. then stop her. Just simply say that you thought she was joking around when she suggested it. Tell her you'd feel more comfortable with her wearing a regular T shirt that covered a bit more. *Tell her she's beautiful enough as it is & just her smile will get the charity dollars needed. *
> 
> (That you know, deep down, even if she wears a turtle neck & covered from chin to toes.. If she has a good shaped body & at least average sized breasts.. men are gonna look no matter what she's wearing. Come on, you know it.)
> 
> *If you are bothered that much about the bikini, then ask her if she wants to buy a new suit, since the kids have the summer pass for the pool. THen go with her when she picks it out & just mention that since you're not there, you would feel more comfortable if it was a one piece*.


This ^^

I enjoy going with my wife when she buys clothes for herself. I have never ever told her not to get something because it was too revealing. In fact I am usually pushing the envelope the other way. She has a clue about what is appropriate for the venue. 

Maybe his wife does too. I think she was joking. But your comments turn this awkward situation into a positve.

Nice.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

The Renegade said:


> Guys look at women's tits. You might not like it and women might occasionally get offended by it, but it is like it is. Get used to it (even learn to enjoy it as it really is a compliment for her - and in return for you, that you have such a hot wife).
> 
> 2nd: Being at the pool with 3 kids is probably not as sexy as it sounds. Enjoy with her when she tells you about the days out at the pool.
> 
> My advice: Jealousy always drives a partner away. Sooner or later you will get what you expect and you'll never really know what caused it (she being attracted by another guy because he is so hot or because she is pissed off by an ever jealous, and by that all-controlling, husband). Be superior, not jealous - that will connect.


All I can say I I completely agree. She's with you and loves you. Don't let jealousy drive her away, even if it's just emotionally.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

sandc said:


> All I can say I I completely agree. She's with you and loves you. Don't let jealousy drive her away, even if it's just emotionally.


I also think .. OP... that communicating your feelings about things like this is very important as well. She needs to know how you feel, she may not even realize your this uncomfortable? I'm sure if she knew.. she would make efforts to respect your feelings and show you she doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable in any way, shape, or form. I'm pretty sure your feelings are of the utmost importance to her as well so don't be afraid to let her know.


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Not sure if that is completely on topic, but share it anyway:

Just found that article in today's papers (sorry, German)
Je knapper das Textil, desto größer der Verstand - Hilpold im Anzug - derStandard.at

It basically says that there is a connection between the amount of fabric on your swim-suit and your educational level. (Emnid Research Institute).

Contrary to common believe they want to have found out that, the higher people's education, the less fabric on their swim suit. Goes for men as for women.

Believe, study was only conducted in Germany. Not sure how that compares.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

The Renegade said:


> Not sure if that is completely on topic, but share it anyway:
> 
> Just found that article in today's papers (sorry, German)
> Je knapper das Textil, desto größer der Verstand - Hilpold im Anzug - derStandard.at
> ...



Sorry.. but i think studies like this are bogus. They only do it on a certain amount of people and assume it's like this for the rest.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

That and i don't like how these studies bring about generalizations. One thing i don't like is generalizations.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

The Renegade said:


> Not sure if that is completely on topic, but share it anyway:
> 
> Just found that article in today's papers (sorry, German)
> Je knapper das Textil, desto größer der Verstand - Hilpold im Anzug - derStandard.at
> ...


Wow, then I guess I should be naked.

But I don't get what a study on the amount of clothing in germany versus education has to do with the OP. He feels he is jealous. He may be. From what he has posted I cannot tell. Jealous is a gut feeling. An emotion. Like anger and euphoria without context we do not know whether it is appropriate or not. Anger is not always bad. Euphoria is not always good. Jealousy is not always bad. The inference when someone is called jealous is that it is unreasonable or unfounded. 

But lets put those word judegment games away for a bit. The bottom line is that for some reason he is uncomfortable with his wife exposing herself too greatly in his opinion in two different venues. We have no idea what that shirt would look like or what the bikini looks like to use our judgement. Which is fine because our judgement does not matter. I think he has received the advice he needs to turn his feelings into a communication opportunity with his wife. Is he being over protective? Maybe. I cannot tell. There is some history here.

So yeah guys can be overly jealous. But we have all seen some women who are just flat great looking yet have a poor body image and either cover up way too much or go overboard the other way. This wife probably looks smashing when she dresses classy. She is probably incredibly sexy when she gets more daring. Wondermous. He likes her to save the latter for when it is him and her. He may not be crazy about her being this way with the golfers or out at the pool with the kids. This is not about trust. It is about feelings. I think if he can work this out with his wife then it is all good.

So I am not going to tell him to cover his woman up. LOL. But equally it is unfair to say people are going to look so don't worry about her t!ts being exposed. LOL. Either extreme is absurd advice IMHO.

Now if other peoples standards involve the wife going to Sturgis and the wife going topless ( painted of course ) that is fine. For them.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

there's something not quite right about women in tiny bikinis at the local pool

it just doesn't seem....appropriate, but then I go there to swim rather than have men look at my t*ts

god listen to me - I'm a prude after all ha ha ha


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> there's something not quite right about women in tiny bikinis at the local pool
> 
> it just doesn't seem....appropriate, but then I go there to swim rather than have men look at my t*ts
> 
> god listen to me - I'm a prude after all ha ha ha


She might even want to wear something she can do some serious swimming in. I have no idea if a tiny bikini is a good idea for this but I suspect she could end up swimming out of something too skimpy.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> She might even want to wear something she can do some serious swimming in. I have no idea if a tiny bikini is a good idea for this but I suspect she could end up swimming out of something too skimpy.


funny, women who go to the pool in bikinis don't swim seriously, they tend to lean against the wall at one end or stride up and down the edge with their hands on their hips ha ha

come on ladies, you're not in the caribbean - you're at a local authority-run pool in east london with a too-high chlorine content! Sexy it is not


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

"I joked that she needs to brush up on her flirting"

Were you really just joking around, or was a part of you asking to see what her reaction would be? I went through what my wife and I call my "psycho period" during which I did this quite a few times. If she didn't give me a satisfactory answer, I would either grill her on the spot (as to what her answer meant), or save it for later that night after I observed her activities for the rest of the day. My wife wearing a bikini while I'm not with her would be a no-go for me btw! I don't want her belly showing unless I am there. I am willing to shell out some serious $$$ for a nice one piece.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I have got to let this one go.... sounds an awful lot like the Girls Night Out threads.... 

I just think there is no reason to be jealous, or insecure, or monitoring her wardrobe... unless she GIVES you reasons. Otherwise, it's all on you.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

He said the bikini wasn't skimpy, he needs to get over it seriously!! And the offer to buy her a new one isn't a horrible idea unless he comes home with one he picked out. I envision one of those body suits women wore way back when lol.

I don't think the cleavage shirt is appropriate though. I actually worked for a golf charity doing what she will be for a year at the age of 19 down south. And believe me it didn't matter what I wore men were ridiculous either way. If I wore a cleavage shirt back then I may have had to start having someone walk me my to my car every night lol. 

However owning a few cleavage shirts for a night out on the town(with the hubby) is A ok in my book


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

...reminds me of a song....

"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you..." - 1963 - Jimmy Soul


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

How many leering, ogling men are going to be hanging about the local pool during the daytime anyway? Lol. I suspect it's going to be full of moms and kids, if it's anything like the one in my old neighbourhood.

Nor do I think she's going to be doing any "serious swimming" -- she has 3 small children to watch out for!

I think the whole "how much skin is appropriate?" debate is pretty geographically-dependent anyway. It seems that skimpier clothing is perfectly acceptable in hotter climates and no one bats an eye because it's so common.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> I have got to let this one go.... sounds an awful lot like the Girls Night Out threads....
> 
> I just think there is no reason to be jealous, or insecure, or monitoring her wardrobe... unless she GIVES you reasons. Otherwise, it's all on you.


Agree. Women don't want you being their daddy. Unless she gives you a reason to distrust her, give her room to puck her own wardrobe. The day my husband starting telling me what to wear would be the beginning to our end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cocovas09 (Jun 3, 2012)

i was under the assumption that guys like it when their wives look hot? my hubs is always politely telling me how much prouder he is of me when i go all out. my hubs always smashes my boobs together and puts his face in my chest when my boobs are out... so i have a lot of shirts that show the girls. 

the skimpy bikini might be a bit much if she's trying to do the mommy thing at the pool. usually girls wear skimpy bikinis to get attention... id' say just get her a more appropriate bathing suit for a mom taking kids to the pool.


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## ChelseaBlue (Mar 5, 2012)

TwoDogs said:


> I think the whole "how much skin is appropriate?" debate is pretty geographically-dependent anyway. It seems that skimpier clothing is perfectly acceptable in hotter climates and no one bats an eye because it's so common.


Wow, too bad you are in Canada!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ChelseaBlue said:


> Wow, too bad you are in Canada!


It is very nipply in Canada.


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## Santa (May 31, 2012)

1) No it happens ALL the time at Golf Tourneys and if your wife is attractive enough to make men look and donate more money, consider it a blessing and be proud!! YOU get to take her home everynight!!

2) Man... A bikni is going to make you jealous?? Really?? 


My advice to you would be talk to someone about your jealousy problem quick before you destroy your marraige. I can be a jealous type guy concerning my wife (who is ultra hot btw! lol) BUT DAMN MAN!! Thats a bit much for even me!! 

Goodluck


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## Santa (May 31, 2012)

cocovas09 said:


> i was under the assumption that guys like it when their wives look hot? my hubs is always politely telling me how much prouder he is of me when i go all out. my hubs always smashes my boobs together and puts his face in my chest when my boobs are out... so i have a lot of shirts that show the girls. QUOTE]
> 
> 
> 
> I agree and always want my wife to look hot!!! And you letting your husband motorboating you is a huge plus! lol:smthumbup:


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

The Renegade said:


> Guys look at women's tits. You might not like it and women might occasionally get offended by it, but it is like it is. Get used to it (even learn to enjoy it as it really is a compliment for her - and in return for you, that you have such a hot wife).
> 
> 2nd: Being at the pool with 3 kids is probably not as sexy as it sounds. Enjoy with her when she tells you about the days out at the pool.
> 
> My advice: Jealousy always drives a partner away. Sooner or later you will get what you expect and you'll never really know what caused it (she being attracted by another guy because he is so hot or because she is pissed off by an ever jealous, and by that all-controlling, husband). Be superior, not jealous - that will connect.


This. The "she's mine" instinct has its place but you've got to pick your spots. Trust me, if she's wearing a nice top and feeling sexy, you're going to be the benefactor later that night. Especially if you brush it off like "Yeah, that's mine." 

She'll feel the energy of other guys liking her, sense that you're not bothered by it so you must be superior and secure, so all of her energy will go toward you. Play it cool and playful.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

The Renegade said:


> It basically says that there is a connection between the amount of fabric on your swim-suit and your educational level. (Emnid Research Institute).
> 
> Contrary to common believe they want to have found out that, the higher people's education, the less fabric on their swim suit. Goes for men as for women.
> 
> Believe, study was only conducted in Germany. Not sure how that compares.


I like to skinny dip. Not sure what that says about my educational level. :lol:


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Santa said:


> cocovas09 said:
> 
> 
> > i was under the assumption that guys like it when their wives look hot? my hubs is always politely telling me how much prouder he is of me when i go all out. my hubs always smashes my boobs together and puts his face in my chest when my boobs are out... so i have a lot of shirts that show the girls. QUOTE]
> ...


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

jealoushubby said:


> So obviously I am a jealous guy and I have been working hard to fix it. There are 2 situations I need peoples opinions on. 1st, she is going to be working a golf outing with her sister which I am also playing in. She is helping get golfers to bet on closest to the pin. I joked that she needs to brush up on her flirting to generate more money. She said that she might wear this shirt she owns that is a vneck and pretty low cut so maybe some cleavage can generate more money for the charity. Should this upset me? On the one hand it's good natured and for a good cause. On the other hand I don't really want guys staring at her tits all day long! The 2nd issue is that we recently got a season pass for the local city pool. We have 3 little kids and she is basically a stay at home mom. I get that this is fun for the kids and something to do during the summer but she only owns one suit and it's a bikini. It isn't super skimpy but is it wrong to think that since I won't be there she should wear a more conservative suit? She is with the kids but once again I'll be working while she is catching looks at the pool I am sure. Please be honest and tell me if I am overreacting to any of this. Thanks!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have tried to understand what makes men feel worried about situations like these, but it just makes no sense to me when I hear a guy say they trust her but can't accept others looking at or talking to their gal. 

As a woman who has been in your wife's positions many times (when I was younger and thinner, anyway....) I can tell you that that attitude harmed my relationships. It made me feel like my guy didn't trust in me, or didn't believe I was capable of saying, "I love my guy and am not interested in you." 

The bottom line for me is that if a man feels that way, it's IMPOSSIBLE for him to claim that he trusts and respects his girlfriend's/wife's judgment, faithfulness, and abilities. 

I can't speak for your wife, but I can tell you this attitude has seriously harmed relationships I have been in. I believe men with this attitude are really saying that they're afraid they don't measure up, and if that's true, then it's that guy's responsibility to deal with his insecurities. It's not up to me to fix his shortcoming.

I make remarks like your wife did, especially when my husband and I are playing in our pool tournaments, and I *do* sometimes show cleavage and tell him that I'm doing it to get an edge. He laughs, and I feel happy that I don't have to walk on eggshells to protect his ego.


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Just thought this might fit in here:

Wife just built herself up in front of me, tight shirt, short skirt, ready to be taken out for lunch. Asked: "Will you take me out like this?"

Me: "Sure, but only if you take off that bra."

She did not do it, of course. Usually her limits are tighter than mine. 

We just have lots of fun like that and I just find my marriage really cool that way. 

Just felt happy to share. Cheers.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

KathyBatesel said:


> I have tried to understand what makes men feel worried about situations like these, but it just makes no sense to me when I hear a guy say they trust her but can't accept others looking at or talking to their gal.
> 
> As a woman who has been in your wife's positions many times (when I was younger and thinner, anyway....) I can tell you that that attitude harmed my relationships. It made me feel like my guy didn't trust in me, or didn't believe I was capable of saying, "I love my guy and am not interested in you."
> 
> ...


An extreme example.

I would not be ok with my wife entering a wet t-shirt contest. This has nothing to do with cheating. It is really about respect.

I am not a believer in blind trust. I trust my wife not to put herself into risky situations. If she chose to go on a GNO that involved drinking, dancing and flirting with other men wearing a skimpy outfit that would break my trust. That shows a total lack of respect for me and compromised integrity for herself.

It comes down to boundaries. This stuff is only a problem if a couple cannot agree on boundaries. I mean what are you trusting your SO to do if you have never discuss ed boundaries? 

I would feel completely disrespected if my wife needed to get attention from men who are trying to bed her. I get that that is fun. It is unacceptable to me. The playing that game at all is the issue.

Marriage is about Love and Respect. Trust is a by product. You need a certain amount in a good marriage. But one learns that a marriage takes two. You need to look out for each other.

Just saying trust me, is not what it is about.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

Newsflash: EVERYBODY stares at a nice set of tits, it doen't mean anything, its just the way the world works. 
Also, showing off boobies is part of our biological nature, not an indicator of class or propensity to act promiscuously.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

jealoushubby said:


> So obviously I am a jealous guy.


 Why would this be so obvious? Has your wife been telling you this? If so, is she right or is she a just a cheater (cheaters almost always use this line)? Also, by stating this in your opening statement, you prejudiced everyone in giving you an honest answer. Next time just ask the question without turning it into a loaded question that needlessly impacts the outcome of the answers that you will get.

Taking this statement out and looking at your question again, I find it strange that you suggest to your wife that she flirt to get more donations then get upset when she talks about taking you up on it. Both men and women like to feel desired and often only limit this out of respect for their spouse and marriage. By you giving her the green light on your own, she did nothing wrong by considering it. Stop sending mixed signals to your wife about what the boundaries of your marraige are if you want her to observe them. 

As for the not too skimpy bikini with three kids in tow at a public pool, if it is not too skimpy, she cannot help it if she is good looking. Just be glad that your wife keeps herself in shape enough for you that other men looking at her is an issue. Enjoy her good looks and be grateful that you have such an attractive wife to sleep with every night. Many men are not so lucky and all they get to do is look.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> An extreme example.
> 
> I would not be ok with my wife entering a wet t-shirt contest. This has nothing to do with cheating. It is really about respect.
> 
> ...


I think you hit on something important here... What is the definition of "respectful behavior?" Your example of a wet t-shirt contest is a great one. I wouldn't ever do something like that, but I'd certainly go on a GNO. The difference to me has to do with my motivation. On a GNO, my purpose isn't to get the attention you described. It's to socialize with my gal pals. If someone flirts with me, I might flirtatiously put them in their place, but I would never abandon my girl time or use flirting in a way that would suggest I was available, and I would ALWAYS be clear that I'm married, wear my ring, etc. 

For a wet t-shirt contest, I'd have to have a different motivation that made it ok to invite that kind of attention. If there was a big cash prize, for instance, I might have reason to do it, but for me personally, attention wouldn't be part of the equation. For someone else, that could be exactly what they want. Whether a woman's doing it for attention or for another reason though, if her partner objects then she should be sensitive to his feelings to an appropriate degree, but not controlled by them. 

An example I experienced: I used to go to a club with my girlfriends sometimes. It was a club I'd also picked up men in when I was single. I have never cheated on a partner, ever. When I got into a new relationship with a guy who didn't like GNOs, I basically stopped going to them. However, when my birthday rolled around and some of my friends wanted to take me out for a GN, I wanted to go so I could catch up with them. My relationship had been a reason I hadn't been going out and I didn't want to abandon my friendships. I agreed to limit GNO events to a couple of times a year, but the man in question threw fits over it, saying what you said - that I was insensitive to his "needs." His reaction was basically an accusation and lack of trust that failed to consider my own needs to stay in touch with my friends _even when I'd agreed to take steps to meet in the middle._

So glad that's no longer an element of concern!


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## WhoHaveIBecome (Mar 9, 2012)

If there is no history of cheating or poor boundaries on your wife's behalf than give her the benefit of the doubt. I think the first comment about the cleavage seemed more like a joke than anything. The bikini is a little more complicated. You can buy her a new bathing suit if it bothers you that much. 

This is something I can relate to. I have absolute faith that my fiancee is not going to cheat on me. But I do deal with jealousy pangs. Not as bad as you seem to suffer from but I still deal with it. My S.O. is a runner and is in great shape (not so much now since we are pregnant again) but generally she is. She looks great in a bikini and I am a little nervous of people leering. But I try to see it as a complement. At the end of the day people are jealous of me. They can look but they can never touch. Obviously totally different game if they can touch (if she is the cheating type) but if she is loyal than you have nothing to worry about. 

Maybe look into a one-piece suit. It is more motherly. I don't know how appropriate it is for a married mother to strut around in a skimpy bikini at a family pool. Just relax. Trust your wife.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Jimena said:


> Newsflash: EVERYBODY stares at a nice set of tits, it doen't mean anything, its just the way the world works.
> *Also, showing off boobies is part of our biological nature, not an indicator of class or propensity to act promiscuously.*


There is a difference between looking at an attractive woman and her baring her breatss completely to show them off. In some cultures women bare there breasts often and especially at the beach.

On many cruise lines topless tanning areas are typical. The women of course are safe because the officers on the bridge overlook that area closely.

But in the US while there are people who do this, it is much less accepted. 

Wearing skimpy outfits is one thing for many of us. Wearing skimpy outfits without your spouse is another.

Again you are ok with your hubby grinding on other women and with them grabbing his crotch. That is your business but not a lot of women in the US would tolerate that.

Ultimately you have a set of boundaries. You are welcome to them. The OP has his boundaries. he has a right to them too.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

KathyBatesel said:


> I think you hit on something important here... What is the definition of "respectful behavior?" Your example of a wet t-shirt contest is a great one. I wouldn't ever do something like that, but I'd certainly go on a GNO. The difference to me has to do with my motivation. On a GNO, my purpose isn't to get the attention you described. It's to socialize with my gal pals. If someone flirts with me, I might flirtatiously put them in their place, but I would never abandon my girl time or use flirting in a way that would suggest I was available, and I would ALWAYS be clear that I'm married, wear my ring, etc.
> 
> For a wet t-shirt contest, I'd have to have a different motivation that made it ok to invite that kind of attention. If there was a big cash prize, for instance, I might have reason to do it, but for me personally, attention wouldn't be part of the equation. For someone else, that could be exactly what they want. Whether a woman's doing it for attention or for another reason though, if her partner objects then she should be sensitive to his feelings to an appropriate degree, but not controlled by them.
> 
> ...


There are marriage friendly GNOs and not so much marriage friendly GNOs. Much gray in between.

I would have a problem if my wife wanted to go to a singles club in a skimpy outfit period. Especially if her intent was to dance, drink, and flirt with other men. This would be even worse if she was going to be out late or stay at a hotel afterwards. Dressing in a skimpy outfit is flirting on its own in that venue. It is inviting the intention.

What a woman wears and when matters. The way women up their sex appeal ( sex rank ) in a matter of moments is how they dress. Now a woman can be very sexy in a classy way and I think that is great and pretty much always appropriate. However, if it is done by showing a lot of skin sans undergarments this is not about hanging with the ladies. It is about showing off and competing with the other ladies where men are. The men are an essential part of the deal. I know music is fun but going out to a singles dance club when married is not the same as when single. I get the idea of reliving those moments. But it is a little bit at the least playing single. More so for some than others.

When a woman says she is going to dress hot and sexy that means something to her. Another woman may say the same thing and it be a whole different deal. 

Comments like showing cleavage are very subjective. What exactly is showing cleavage? Trust me I have a vivid imagination and I can envision a large range with this. If a woman has to sit absolutely still to not show her nipples, that might be pushing things if she is out without her husband. That may be fine IMO if she is on a date with her hubby. 

I often ask my wife to lose the undergarments when we go out. She often does this. Now if she was getting ready to go on a GNO, and left her bra and panties home I would think that is a bit much. I concede that some fashions look fine braless. But again if her nipples are going to be showing or her breasts are exposed to an extent that there is a view of a third of her breasts from a side angle, I am thinking that should be kept for when we are out only. Also lets be frank here. Some women have more to show. My wife has always had ample breasts. A woman with perky breasts can pull off braless with less attention. My wife is going to be noticed. Especially when dancing. HOT. I don't mind that when we are together. But I would mind it if she was going to a singles club that way.

Also some women go for the sheer clothing. Yeah that is hot. Out with hubby is one thing. At a singles club not so much. 

Then factor this type of skimpy clothing when the women dance. Even fast dancing in a skimpy outfit braless and maybe a thong are going to be putting out a vibe. Add alcohol and mix it up. People do realize that when a woman dances like this that the men around her have leveated testosterone levels. This is about mating. Take this further and start dancing up close. This is pretty much a lapdance in a club.

My wife has a blouse I love. She goes braless in it. It has a little support. It is black and comes up just over her areolae. Then there is a sheer fabric that takes it from there to a typical t-shirt level. Up close you can see through that part. Anyway, she will often wear that when we are on vaction. I would not be keen on her wearing that on a GNO.

So while I may ask my wife to lose the bra and sometimes the panties I would never say that to her before she goes out on her GNO. Some guys would. Some women are more exhibitionist than others. This must be a factor for some. They get off on being in a club with men they know are trying to bed them and love showing off. Some husbands are fine with whatever a wife does as long as she can rinse it off. I ahve actually been told this by a couple of guys. They are both divorced now though. The boundary did not take.

My wife always picks me up at the airport after my business trips. She usually dresses sexy and we go to dinner on the way home. Soemtimes she goes super sexy like being naked except for one of my dress shirts unbuttoned most of the way. We skip the dinner. Maybe go through the drieve-through. Does this relate here? Maybe not but it was a happy thought for me. I digress.

All in all if I had a problem wtih my wifes GNOs and could not come to an agreement, I would not accept her doing it anyway. That would be a deal breaker for me. I would expect her to feel the same way if I insisted on lapdances, she was against it and I did it anyway.

Fortunately I have never had this problem with my wife. I am amazed however when some women contend they can go out in skimpy outfits, drink, dance and flirt with other men. I know you are not saying you do this. Many are. And they call the husband jealous, insecure and controlling for not just trusting them. They do not realize that to these husbands they hae already broken trust.

I would also have a problem with my wife going to a male strip club that is interactive on a GNO. Some women dress in skimpy outfits sans undergarments so they can get felt up by the strippers without that pesky clothing getting in the way. Yes they feel real sexy doing that. I have no problem with a show, but I am talking about the ones where the dancers are in the crowd totally naked with tree trunk woodys and having the women rub oil on them. Sometimes licking the whip cream off. Not something I want my wife doing. I guess I am possessive. I have gone on conventions with my wife where a large group for the ladies would do this, be totally plastered, get all worked up and then spend the rest of the night at a local dance club. No doubt lots of fun. These clubs vary in a lot of ways but it is all about audience participation. If hubby is cool with his wife grabbing onto some guys erection then enjoy. One excuse is that these ladies may only do this once or twice a year. Like that matters a whole lot. I am sure my wife would not mind me fingering a stripper if I kept it to twice a year.

GNOs are great. But if you are doing or acting in a way that would upset your SO if they saw you, then maybe you should not have been trusted. That goes for guys too. If your SO is fine with it then have a blast.

I suspect that what I have written above really only applies to some wives. It is just that when the subject comes up the ladies that dress ok and dance in a circle are defending the ones who are pretty much in lingerie grinding on the men.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

TRy said:


> *Why would this be so obvious?* Has your wife been telling you this? If so, is she right or is she a just a cheater (cheaters almost always use this line)? Also, by stating this in your opening statement, you prejudiced everyone in giving you an honest answer. Next time just ask the question without turning it into a loaded question that needlessly impacts the outcome of the answers that you will get.
> 
> Taking this statement out and looking at your question again, I find it strange that you suggest to your wife that she flirt to get more donations then get upset when she talks about taking you up on it. Both men and women like to feel desired and often only limit this out of respect for their spouse and marriage. By you giving her the green light on your own, she did nothing wrong by considering it. Stop sending mixed signals to your wife about what the boundaries of your marraige are if you want her to observe them.
> 
> As for the not too skimpy bikini with three kids in tow at a public pool, if it is not too skimpy, she cannot help it if she is good looking. Just be glad that your wife keeps herself in shape enough for you that other men looking at her is an issue. Enjoy her good looks and be grateful that you have such an attractive wife to sleep with every night. Many men are not so lucky and all they get to do is look.


Often times as you know we see threads that lay out a situation and then the OP will say something like this about themselves which adds to the debate. A group of folks beat on them telling them yes, yes you are jealous, inscure and controlling. Suck it up. Another group says says, no, no, you just have boundaries and self respect.

The key ti that debate is using ambiguos language such that the image many folks have are completely different.

What is showing some cleavage really mean? That can be a very wide range from creepy to even worry about to creepy that she would expose herself that way. So we all envision what we want to and then debate based on different definitions.

This was probably just a joke.

He stated that her bikini was not super skimpy. Ok, I contend super skimpy is a thong and a top barely covering the niplles. Then there is just skimpy. Again very subjective as to what this means.

I think the reasonable thing here is for her to save the skimoy bikini for their vaction time. She can feek extra sexy when she is with him. They go out and get a very flattering one piece for the public pool. If she is hot she will look great in this without giving out the vibe. An alternative is for them to buy the super skimpy model for when they are on vacation.

This said he has a whole series of threads about jelaousy so I will admit he has some longb term issues he should address. I think she recently got a boob job BTW. They also enjpy the MMF fantasy so maybe these posts are an extention of the hot wife idea. Idunno.

He offered no picture and I think he should upload the pictures and post as -> Rate my mate


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

I'd like to point out that there are really only 2 types of fashionable swimsuits available for women to even buy: 1-the kind that tries to hide your fat/wrinkles through rouching a generous amount of fabric 2- the bikini, all of which are skimpy on a woman with ample breast/booty
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

I think you are over reactting. I agree that you have to trust her. She should know what is appropriate and what is not. You married her and a marriage is based on trust. You have to trust her until she gives you reason not to. 

Unless she has given you reason in the past not to trust her I don't see anything wrong with allowing her to wear what she wishes. Men are going to look regardless of what she wears if she is attractive. When I am out with my wife and I catch another man checking out my wife I take it as a compliment. Not only for her but for me too, because I was able to convince this hot sexy woman to marry me. 

"A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity." 
-Robert A. Heinlein


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Double Trouble said:


> "A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."
> -Robert A. Heinlein


Cheers to that. Hit it right in the center.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

It seems this thread had diverged from its original question, which in its simplicity was someone looking for validation or negation of his feelings about his wife's dress being flirty. You've admitted you have jealousy ergo trust issues. I think that by posting those here on some level you've realized that's what they are: your issues. Your wife suggested slightly using her femininity to get donations, that's been going on since the beginning of man and woman and it's not serious, it's only a shirt.
I might also ask why you want your wife to dress differently when she's not around you. Do you really think its good for your relationship to encourage your wife to be herself around you, but hold back for everybody else?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## seesah (Apr 26, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Men are going to look but what a wife wears can indeed matter.


I agree with this. I dress conservatively and still notice that guys check me out. I guess my point, even stated badly, was that even if she wears clothes that aren't intended to get a guys attention, she's may still get gawked at. 

I don't think that a married woman should intend to get other men's attention but if I find an outfit that I think looks good on me and that I feel good in, I'm going to wear it. I'm not going to cover up my body and wear "mommy clothes" all the time just because a guy might look at me... then again, my husband is flattered when he catches guys checking me out. LOL


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

seesah said:


> I agree with this. I dress conservatively and still notice that guys check me out. I guess my point, even stated badly, was that even if she wears clothes that aren't intended to get a guys attention, she's may still get gawked at.
> 
> I don't think that a married woman should intend to get other men's attention but if I find an outfit that I think looks good on me and that I feel good in, I'm going to wear it. I'm not going to cover up my body and wear "mommy clothes" all the time just because a guy might look at me... then again, my husband is flattered when he catches guys checking me out. LOL


:iagree:

Women shouldn't have to stop being women just because they gave birth. I am also flattered when other men check out my wife. I joined my wife in a store once to find my wife talking to a man. I couldn't hear what they were saying clearly until I heard him say "maybe we could..." At that point I walked up, took the Starbucks from her hand, took a sip, kissed her cheek, winked at the guy, gave her back her Starbucks, and walked away. I could just make out the words "uh... is that your husband?" Poor thing didn't even know she was getting hit on until I explained it to her later.

My wife has super-great boundaries so I trust her. Even if he had asked her out should would have declined. I just decided to spare him the turn down. But the point of all this is that I found it very flattering. It made her all that much more desirable to me. I spent the rest of the weekend competing against my imaginary rival for her affections. Everybody one that weekend.

Except the dude back at that store.


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