# Together 20 years... sex 3-5x per year avg



## Justme68 (Aug 24, 2013)

When is enough, enough? I'm tired of waiting for a marriage instead of having a room-mate. I have asked nicely, begged, cried, screamed, ignored, gone to counseling. 
I did see many signs before we married but I had 2 young children from a previous marriage and I told myself I was too busy for sex anyway. Now the kids are gone and I feel I have nothing anymore. We do everything else together. Have tons of friends and go places. But never are intimate. 
He is too tired, sick, stomach hurts, leg hurts, back hurts, ankle hurts, You get the idea! He's too tired but can stay up another 4 hours watching t.v.
He sleeps naked 100% of the time. Used to hold me everynight until I fell asleep. I used to sleep naked sometimes, didn't help. I rarely do now as I feel ashamed of myself and am embarrassed to be naked in front of him. He has never said anything negative to me about my body, but his lack of affection tells me everything.
A year after we married, I found a video he made of himself masturbating while wearing my garter/stockings and chemise! What I wore the night before.... He said he didn't know why he did it. That he never wore my stuff before. Have not talked about it since but it really bothers me still.
So let me have it!! Am I a fool waiting still? 
p.s I am 44, he is 52. He has had his T tested and is normal.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

It sounds to me that he's into cross dressing or something
along those lines.

Have you ever talked openly about his sexual desires or what
really turns him on?

Do both off you have open communication?

If he is he might be afraid to tell you for fear you will think
hes strange or messed up.

Some things for you to think about

Good Luck


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Horrible. Divorce him.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

You don't sound happy. You aren't getting younger. How important is having a more active see life to you?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

19 years ago you phucket up your mans mojo.

your cross dressing man has a need and you didn't face it...should of bailed then but didn't....why?

Girl if you wants some, your going to have to face that kink your old man has or divorce and find someone"normal"....

can you face the fact that your old man has a need....and in return he can meet yours?

It suck that our spouses have to lie thru 20 years of marriage and not meet each others needs...but sh!t happens I have my sh!t to bear with Mrs. the-guy and I'm going to deal with it. 

My question is can you face your old mans needs and wrap him up in a pear of bra and panties and treat him how he wants to be treated?

I have to do some crazy stuff to my old lady to meet her needs but why not ...I love her ..no matter how much pain she likes!


My point is sh1t or get off the pot...some one out there can give you what you need and be happy...but after 20 years I think a riding crop and some kink will fixs this.

Thats my $0.02

PS
give it a shot...19 years ago it freaked you out...can you handle it now...your sexual satisfaction might depend on it.

Please for your marriage....think out side the box!


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## Justme68 (Aug 24, 2013)

I agree. We need to talk about what happened all those years ago. How do I bring it up now? What do I ask that doesn't freak him out?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

What do you care more about, your future happiness or him freaking out in a conversation?


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## jen53 (Apr 26, 2013)

when I found out my husband was into CD after 20 years of marriage-and not a lot of sex. I tried the route of saying I would like to see him in panties, etc - asked if he would for me - this opened the door for me to ask if he would like to try wearing womens underwear for sex. I was totally willing to do this, as he became aroused wearing or thinking about wearing them - this I thought I would get playful good sex.
I would try when perhaps you are both relaxed and had a drink - no pressure and make him think you would like to do this for your own pleasure.
I since found out that he just isn't that bothered in interacting with me, would prefer strangers, possibly due to being able to detach.
It still grieves me that I thought I had found the problem wit our sex life, thought I had cured it, only to find he wanted more than dressing with me he is quite bossy as a husband, wanting to take control in running of things. perhaps he daren't show his wife a submissive side. I have no idea, but it makes it worse knowing I offered to fulfil his fantasies, yet those fanasties are things I can't fullfill. I am not a dominatrix, nor a man.
I do try to instigate, and get frisky, but he will start a massage or something, then abruptly stop with some excuse.
tbh, I have been rejected in advances so often I feel so much a fool trying to seduce him now I can't. how does that help your self esteem and feling of desirability, of you are tryiing all sorts to raise anything in your husband  I will get a compliment , how sexy I look in this or that, but unless I am doing everything and he is lieing ther - nothing, and it makes me feel like I am desperate and a fool


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

OP, if you aren't happy, and all efforts to improve things have been sincerely made and failed, it's time to leave. I was in a long-term marriage with very little sex plus other problems, and the best decision I ever made was to get out while I was still young enough (mid-40s) to still have a chance at finding happiness in a GOOD relationship.

You have to evaluate your own situation to figure out what's best for you. Leaving and being on your own can be incredibly freeing, even if you don't seek or find another relationship. Don't discount that path. Finding someone compatible isn't easy, though, if you want a new relationship. Short-term stuff is much easier to find than long-term. You usually get what you offer, and patience and persistence are key.


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