# Am I Unreasonable?



## Nyxx200 (May 31, 2014)

I have been the wife of a Real Estate Agent for almost 30 years. Our marriage is good in most respects, with one glaring exception . . . he NEVER, but NEVER let's me know when he is going to be home.
I KNOW he has crazy hours. He works nights and weekends, and I am okay with that. What I am not okay with it when he says he will be home for supper, so I stop my work (I work from home) to make dinner, then . . . without a call, email, or text, he doesn't show up. Or, he says we'll be going out. Again, I stop work, get ready, and . . . again he doesn't show up or shows up hours late, again without even a text. He always says it's because he gets carried away with work, and that I should call him to see where he is. I feel if HE is the one not going to show up, he should call me. It has gotten so bad, that I never make dinner anymore because I have been disappointed so many times. Am I unreasonable? Is there any other Real Estate Agent wives out there with this problem?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

You are not being unreasonable. He is married, and he should be considerate of your feeling. What he did shows that he neglected your feeling. 

I can understand that being a real estate agent has to spend a lot of time with the clients, so it makes it inconvenient for him to make phone calls. 

But a man who is considerate would call his wife no matter what.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

greenpearl said:


> You are not being unreasonable. He is married, and he should be considerate of your feeling. What he did shows that he neglected your feeling.
> 
> I can understand that being a real estate agent has to spend a lot of time with the clients, so it makes it inconvenient for him to make phone calls.
> 
> But a man who is considerate would call his wife no matter what.


:iagree:
That's bs and disrespectful time to tell him this is crap.
I mean come on a 30 second call or text?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It's not an unreasonable desire. But do you expect him to change after 30 years? If so, you're going to have to train him, not just ask him.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> It's not an unreasonable desire. But do you expect him to change after 30 years? If so, you're going to have to train him, not just ask him.



:iagree:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If he's a real estate agent then he likely has a smartphone, and odds are it's either an iPhone or something running Android. If it's an iPhone, you could use iCloud's "Find My iPhone" feature to pretty much find out where he's at (or, more precisely, where his phone is at) at any time of day. If he uses an Android, you can use Google's "Android Device Manager" feature to do the same.

Admittedly, that sounds a bit creepy. But hey, no secrets in marriage, right?


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## Nyxx200 (May 31, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> It's not an unreasonable desire. But do you expect him to change after 30 years? If so, you're going to have to train him, not just ask him.


How DO you train a man? I have tried being sweet, kind, angry, sad, asking, demanding, threatening.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Nyxx200 said:


> He always says it's because he gets carried away with work, and that I should call him to see where he is. I feel if HE is the one not going to show up, he should call me.


I know you would rather he called you and I understand why, but what's the harm in being the one to check in with him instead? 

Is it more important to you that he learn to call you after 30 years, or is it more important that you know he's not going to make it to dinner? If it's the latter, then just be the one to call. You're already thinking about it, so just call and that way you'll know. 

It doesn't have to be a Problem if you can accept that you're married to a man who doesn't call from work to say he can't make it for dinner. I doubt it means he loves you any less - it's just who he is. One of my friends is married to someone who is always late. He's learned to accept that's who she is, it's not personal, and works around it. They're very happy together and have a lovely family.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I would do both the checking his location based on Gus's post and call him when you expect him to be home and he does not show. 

You could text him as well to remind him of when he said he would be home.

Personally, I would not trust someone who does what your husband does. It's very easy for someone like a real estate agent to use their job as a cover for all kinds of things, to include affairs.


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## lotgirl (May 23, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I would do both the checking his location based on Gus's post and call him when you expect him to be home and he does not show.
> 
> You could text him as well to remind him of when he said he would be home.
> 
> Personally, I would not trust someone who does what your husband does. It's very easy for someone like a real estate agent to use their job as a cover for all kinds of things, to include affairs.


:iagree:


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I understand sporadic hours but...

This isn't about real estate. This is about respect. It takes thirty seconds to make a phone call or send a text message to let you know what's up.

If he was going to be late for an appointment with a client, I bet he'd call them. If a client stood him up or was going to be late without calling, he wouldn't like it. So he needs to extend the same courtesy to you.


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## Nyxx200 (May 31, 2014)

Thank you everyone, for you comments. It is the FIRST time I have ever complained about this, and it is so nice not to feel alone!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

maybe a different approach. Try texting him during the day normally. Like send him jokes, links to music videos, just communication stuff. It may take months, but if he gets used to using the phone for short messages, it would become 2nd nature for him to use it to tell u he will be home late. 

And don't forget some sext texts too!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

that is just about as rude as you can act to your wife!

next time it happens go out and getyourself dinner and come home late when he asks just act like its no big deal and say what I was just treating you like you have been treating me.

start snooping I smell a rat!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> I understand sporadic hours but...
> 
> This isn't about real estate. This is about respect. It takes thirty seconds to make a phone call or send a text message to let you know what's up.
> 
> If he was going to be late for an appointment with a client, I bet he'd call them. If a client stood him up or was going to be late without calling, he wouldn't like it. So he needs to extend the same courtesy to you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

He has a bad habit of not communicating with you. I think it shows a lack of respect on his part. I hate to say it....but running around and doing "whatever" with his job seems to take priority over calling his wife. That is just wrong and unacceptable to me. You should be much more important in his mind. You should be his first priority!!! Just my thoughts.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Nyxx200 said:


> How DO you train a man? I have tried being sweet, kind, angry, sad, asking, demanding, threatening.


My Ex was a truck driver working "local" although his hours would fluctuate enough that I could never rely on him to be home for meals.

What I did was made my own schedule, as in dinner is at 6 because that was when I was hungry. I would prepare enough for two people and put his dinner plate in the fridge to be reheated (by him) whenever he was ready for dinner. I didn't have to ask, demand, threaten, or get angry. 

He was aware of MY schedule, and didn't (or wouldn't dare) complain if he was late. He did eventually make an effort to advise me of his schedule for the day if he wanted a "fresh" dinner or wanted to go out to eat. But my method worked for us, and there was no fighting about that (although we had other issues which lead to the divorce).

Hope that helps!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Nyxx200 said:


> How DO you train a man? I have tried being sweet, kind, angry, sad, asking, demanding, threatening.


Have you tried moving out and making him earn you back?

Other than that, all you can do is stop depending on him. Make your OWN dinner time. Make your OWN plans. Let him SEE you doing it; he may decide he doesn't like being left out.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

Your husband is inconsiderate and does not respect your time. That is so disrectful. you teach others how to treat your actions. I first acknowledge that my husband does not view my time as valuable as his and his actions say this no matter what his mouth says. Then I would ask why I had allowed this to continue without a serious come to Jesus with an action plan.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

So your husband has a LONG history of standing you up and you think YOU are unreasonable?

:scratchhead:

I dump my friends over things like this....and I would dump my Significant other as well!!!

Man is defined BY THEIR WORD!!! Sorry but your husband doesn't sound like a man.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I would simply assume that he was not going to be around. Then when he gets home, he can figure out his own dinner.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I like SurvivorWife's approach. Make dinner at a regular time, let him eat leftovers or make a point of contacting you if he wants something different. This is part of setting boundaries and then following through on them. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Time4Joy (Dec 13, 2012)

Solve the problem...easy. You call him. But no you want to kavetch and play the victim card. Play it often enough and you'll become one.


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