# In A Tail Spin



## IsleofBing (Oct 24, 2012)

I hope that maybe putting this in writing will help me figure this situation out. If im not depressed i sure missed a good chance at it . 1.) My mother passed away this last January. 2.)Bank Foreclosed on my house (Wife's grandparents) in March forcing me to move back into a trailer on my Dad's Property next to my Brother and Father. 3.) Company has work load cut in half so my Salary goes from $1200 a week to $500 a week. My wife gets a job as a waitress in local strip club after 12 week long job search. 4.) Due to lack of time with my wife we get in an argument before she heads to work on August 27th I say "We might as well be separated because I never see you!" She takes my kids and spends the night at her friends house says we can talk about it tomorrow (August 28th). I go to work planning on talking it out with her that evening come home to find her and my kids moved out and into an apartment in town. I agree to separation thinking its what she needs. I still see my kids Monday, Tuesday Mornings, Friday,Saturday, and Sunday. She keeps them Tuesday night, Wednesday night,Thursday Night when she is not working. a week later she says she wants a divorce (Sept 4th) tells me its the only way she can heal and feel good about herself. "No visitation agreement, we both see the kids when ever and they can float between houses, and no child support we will just split their expenses." I tell her I don't want a divorce that I want to work it out. She says she wants to file a non contested divorce agreement. I tell her that I love her and if she wants it that badly she can pay for it and I wont fight her. A couple of weeks pass kids floating between houses. I take her out to dinner to show her that I appreciate her. 5 minutes into dinner she starts talking about divorce again and asking that I not fight her on it. I tell her that I still don't want a divorce. She says she wants to date ALOT. I tell her that if she wants it that badly why had she not presented me with papers. She says that she didn't think a non contested divorce would be fair to me. Is it just me or is all of this moving way to fast? I mean today I have only been sepererated 2 months. I love my wife and I love my kids and I feel like they are stuck in the middle of a bad situation I only want to fix my marriage. Tonight when I dropped off my kids she's like do you ever think we can be just friend's? I just don't' know what to do anymore everything is moving to fast. Help me please.

Thanks In Advance


----------



## IsleofBing (Oct 24, 2012)

In no sense am I saying that I was this perfect husband. I made mistakes but I owned up to them and am willing to change and get better for myself and my children. Its just hard for me to 180 her yet still be there for my kids. I tried expressing concerns about how my kids are starting to flounder in school and it turns into an argument. I back off Saturday,Sunday and Monday and she accuses me of being mad and ignoring her. "For what it's worth I hate That you're so mad at me." via text.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

She clearly has someone else.

If you want her back, find out who it is and expose the affair to all your friends and family - and to his wife.


----------



## IsleofBing (Oct 24, 2012)

Conrad- Yeah could be I don't know. 

I read over The 180 Rules last night. Makes alot of sense i used alot of it when I was dating not knowing it. I plan on doing it this next week as it is the only thing that has come close to making me feel like I have any kind of foothold in this situation. I owe it to myself and my kids to be strong in this situation.

Ok got to get this out of my system, Her best friend has got to be Kryptonite for marriages. She is on her 3rd marriage and now (including my wife) all of her "Besties" are either divorced single moms or in the process of etting divorced. I swear every time she gets around her my marriage takes a swan dive. We had a fight 7 years ago and she's right there telling my wife to get with another man because it's not like you two are together (We were seperated.) Last year we had a fight and I walked away for a couple of hours to calm down. Grabbed a cup of coffee came home to find her and her husband in the process of changing the locks on my house. Marriages just seem to deteriate around her.


----------



## IsleofBing (Oct 24, 2012)

10/24/2012

So i woke up feeling pretty good decided to just let go and let what happens happen. My wife calls me at 7am to just chat about traffic. I wasn't very talkative or "friendly". Just kind of let her ramble and didn't say much. I guess she didn't like the silence so she said she would call me at lunch. (*Note: My wife calls or Texts me all the time. Sometimes up to 6 times in a row if i don't have my phone on me.) I hang up continue drinking my coffee and not 2 minutes later i get a text from her:

"You wanna push me away fine. I'll only call to discuss stuff about the kids. I'll quit trying to be your friend."

I haven't responded and don't plan to. If 30 seconds of me NOT talking does this then I'm curious what a longer dose of detachment is going to do.

I love my wife and I want this to work...but marriages are tough and I can't keep holding the torch for her every time she gets scared and runs away. I'm not looking to find someone else and really i don't believe in divorce when kids are involved.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

What was her childhood like?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife is already dating someone by the sound of it. Maybe someone her friend fixed her up with or a guy at the strip club. Either way you can never repair your marriage with her if she's dating and cheating on you. She has to stop that first.

Doesn't sound like she's willing to stop seeing the guy she's seeing.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Your wife is already dating someone by the sound of it. Maybe someone her friend fixed her up with or a guy at the strip club. Either way you can never repair your marriage with her if she's dating and cheating on you. She has to stop that first.
> 
> Doesn't sound like she's willing to stop seeing the guy she's seeing.


Isle needs to invest in some voice-activated recorders and review some cell phone and text records.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Your wife is already dating someone by the sound of it. Maybe someone her friend fixed her up with or a guy at the strip club. Either way you can never repair your marriage with her if she's dating and cheating on you. She has to stop that first.
> 
> Doesn't sound like she's willing to stop seeing the guy she's seeing.


This. I would start investigating discretely.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

wiigirl said:


> This. I would start investigating discretely.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


And, do not ask her if she's doing this.

If she isn't, she will say she isn't.

If she is, she will say she isn't.

Since we already know what she will say, there is no need to ask.


----------



## IsleofBing (Oct 24, 2012)

Thanks guys and gals. I really just don't have the desire or the time to go snooping through and setting recorders if she is she is and if she ain't she is still gone. This didn't hapen over night and i have just as much blame in our failing marriage as she does. I feel like my time could be better spent taking care of our three children.

Conrad- My wife came from a broken home her mom and dad used her as a pawn. She was abused by her mom at a young age and then ignored for her step sister until she was 19 and had a kid of her own and then her mother demeed her worthy of attention again. Her dad abused drugs heavly and often left her for months with her grandparents. She has told me on more than one occasion how nobody really loves her. That I don't love her it's just whats comfortable to me.


Normally I could handle all of this in stride but since my mother's death I have been in a very weak position to deal with this. I'm getting stronger everyday. I'm just hoping that this is the right course of action for my kids in the long run.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Isle,

If you do not determine if she has someone else, you are flying blind.

How to handle this is completely different - depending on that factor.


----------



## IsleofBing (Oct 24, 2012)

How should I do this if I choose to fly blind? I feel like if I start snooping that will just prove that i'm weak and that i need her to validate me. I figure if I'm just like "Ok this is what you want and need so enjoy and good luck." That it covers both situations.


----------



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

IsleofBing said:


> How should I do this if I choose to fly blind? I feel like if I start snooping that will just prove that i'm weak and that i need her to validate me. I figure if I'm just like "Ok this is what you want and need so enjoy and good luck." That it covers both situations.


You're wrong.

Exposing her to friends, family, and coworkers when done dispassionately, is the opposite of weak.

It's what a strong man does.

The consequences are often quite surprising.

See Justadude's thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

