# Can he "man up"



## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Guys I need some help here.

I have been reading these threads from a man's perspective and I do see how "manning up" has a big impact on your wife.

my dilemma? My H has started asking me for permission (?) regarding EVERYTHING, as in - should I wear shorts? Should I wear sunglasses (it's sunny outside), should I eat this? Where should we go? I have mentioned that this stresses me out. I can't be responsible for me and him, esp. the trivial things in life.

He also has these strange (?) outbursts. I will ask him a question when we are having a conversation and he will just start getting angry, emotional etc and basically throw a fit over nothing. It will turn into a huge fight where we won't talk.
I admit I try to stay calm, but sometimes the behavior is so childish I can't help but lash out. For example I will say is your friend coming to a party? And he will say no. I will ask why.. and he will just go crazy!!!! "why do you care, why are you asking me? I don't want to be at this bar/store/place anymore lets go home.." 

I have been trying so hard to make our relationship work, but I honestly feel like I am living with a 12 year old sometimes. Nothing is done unless I do it, nothing is researched (I have MS), nothing is just picked up (medications/house work).. no money is saved/bill paid.. unless I have something to do with it.

I will even get blamed if something is not done! because he did not have the tools to do it! 
We have been trying to get our sex life on track also, but I will be 100% honest, it's hard to be attracted to someone like this.

What do I do?


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## fredless (Jun 12, 2011)

go here:

Married Man Sex Life

Buy Athol Kay's book. Give it to your husband and have him read it. Give him the link to the website.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

If he would only read.... but I will try


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## fredless (Jun 12, 2011)

bunny23 said:


> If he would only read.... but I will try


You read the book, too. There are certainly things you can do for yourself that might grab help in your relationship.


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

well you should read "the surrendered wife". It is very likely you turned him into this boneless person that he is. (Sorry but this is the truth)


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

bunny23 said:


> If he would only read.... but I will try


Tuck him into his little bed and read it to him as a bedtime story.

Tell him if he litstens well you will do a sow seductive striptease for him. 

He does need to man-up. I loved Athol's book. You do have the ability to help him get there.

Good luck


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

joshbjoshb said:


> well you should read "the surrendered wife". It is very likely you turned him into this boneless person that he is. (Sorry but this is the truth)


That's victim speak. If you believe what you say then surely you believe your character development is totally dependent upon another person and not on your own free will, and that you have surrendered your personal responsibility to another person.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

AFEH said:


> That's victim speak. If you believe what you say then surely you believe your character development is totally dependent upon another person and not on your own free will, and that you have surrendered your personal responsibility to another person.


Yeah, that's where I'm at... My W subtly manipulated my role in the M - she is a woman after all I guess she knew how to toy with my weakness to the point where when I broke she just got bored and moved on like a kitten playing with a dead mouse. I am still man enough to not actually blame it on her, it was my action or inaction that allowed me to submit in that way (I don't even know if W is aware she was doing that and certainly has no ability to actually understand any of this comment if she ever read it), but my feelings still point to her as the cause so now I'm trying to deal with the disconnect between my feelings of being exploited vs the reality of me surrendering my role to her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

joshbjoshb said:


> well you should read "the surrendered wife". It is very likely you turned him into this boneless person that he is. (Sorry but this is the truth)


:iagree: I was that wife. I admit it. I have been in healing of myself for a month and my man is manning up on his own.

It's pretty awesome, actually 

I don't think it's victim talk. I think it's 2 people relying on their defense mechanisms that they created as a child...at least for me and my husband. I have been a control freak/jealous person my WHOLE life-- I just didn't realize how crazy my life really was. My husband learned to disassociate and please every one because of his abusive childhood.

We don't blame each other for what happened, but we indirectly caused it on each other.


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