# Disrespect



## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

And here I am once again!! My BF says that me saying to my daughter "Let's go wait downstairs for him" is disrespect. He says I took a jab at him because he was on his phone reading news. He then asks to borrow my car to go to the store and I initially said yes. However within a minute I asked him not to take my car and I asked him for my purse. He would not give it to me. He shoved me and said move before I knock you out or slap the **** out of you!!! Hours go by, and he then comes to our bedroom to argue once again saying my daughter told her brother I bought her a hydroflask that he bought her. He was once again bothered. Oh did I forget to mention he is also upset at both my boys because the weekend before they took my daughter swimming to their dad's house?? He said my boys disrespected him because they know he is trying to be a dad to my daughter. So in a nut shell we all disrespected him and now he is upset because I told him he gets easily offended by insignificant things. Moreover I explained to him that my kids did nothing intentionally to hurt his feelings as they were unaware he'd be upset. He broke my fan out of rage. 

However, I had to ask for an apology for what he did to me because he didn't feel that saying he was going to slap the **** out of me was disrespectful because he "didn't mean it!". I told him I dont need to tolerate the disrespect and I will be moving on after our lease is up in June. He said he's moving out this weekend as he is not respected by me and the kids and that I am not considerate of his feelings. 

Are the kids and I wrong?? 

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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Greenfrog77 said:


> He shoved me and said move before I knock you out or slap the **** out of you!!! k


Of your entire post...this is all that is required to understand this is not a boyfriend by any means. Time to move on when threatening words are used.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

My Mom married a man like this. He was unreasonable with a terrible temper. For the life of me I will never understand what she was thinking except to say that her father died when she was 5.



> He shoved me and said move before I knock you out or slap the **** out of you!!!


Why are you allowing your children to see and life though this. 

If he lives with you he will set the tone for everyone in the house. 

I moved out when I was 18 because of this and the fact that we were close to blows. 

Please figure out why you would be willing to put up with this.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Your BF is abusive. You are exposing your child to him.

If you care about yourself or your child, you will leave him.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

There's certainly a lot of discussion about respect versus disrespect in your relationship. None of which is relevant, given the fact that this so-called "boyfriend" behaves like a disgusting troglodyte.

And it's not a matter of whether or not you and your kids are wrong either. Just look at what you wrote about your BF's behavior. This guy is a first-class loser. Cut your losses and get him out of your life. Soon.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> He said he's moving out this weekend as he is not respected by me and the kids and that I am not considerate of his feelings.


Hold him to it.

Learn from it, this lesson is strong and will change your life if listened to.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Greenfrog77 said:


> However, I had to ask for an apology for what he did to me because he didn't feel that saying he was going to slap the **** out of me was disrespectful because he "didn't mean it!". I told him I dont need to tolerate the disrespect and I will be moving on after our lease is up in June. He said he's moving out this weekend as he is not respected by me and the kids and that I am not considerate of his feelings.
> 
> Are the kids and I wrong??
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


He is a hypocritical jackass and make sure you hold the door open for him on his way out this weekend. Why you allow this kind of abuse of your own children is beyond my comprehension. If you dont mind this kind of treatment for yourself, then that's your problem, but he is being abusive to your kids and that is 100% unacceptable. As a mom there should be ZERO question in your mind about this and zero tolerance of his abuse.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Oops


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Admittedly if he shoved and spoke to you in such a way it is wrong. 
It seems there is more to this story.

He used to love you so much, and wanted a child with you so bad you were looking into in vitro fertilization because of your hysterectomy. 
To him being afraid of you?

Now he is one having anger issues?

Can we get more details?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

red oak said:


> Admittedly if he shoved and spoke to you in such a way it is wrong.
> It seems there is more to this story.
> 
> He used to love you so much, and wanted a child with you so bad you were looking into in vitro fertilization because of your hysterectomy.
> ...


 I'm sorry, but why does there have to be more to the story? Are you implying that she must have done something to change him question more it is entirely and most probably possible that the guy is abusive. That this is actually his fault and not Herve's. This kind of thinking is why women are afraid to report abuse.


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## Zodiac (Dec 7, 2018)

Cluster B types. They make things so enjoyable. Let go of your healing fantasy, you can't save him. I'd read Psychopath Free and look into why you think this is remotely acceptable. Might want to look at the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents how to heal feom distant, rejecting and self absorbed parents. I stopped reading after he threnated you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"I asked him not to take my car and I asked him for my purse. He would not give it to me. He shoved me and said move before I knock you out or slap the **** out of you!!! "
THIS IS 100% unacceptable. Whether he "meant it" or not is irrelevant. This should not be happening to YOU, nor in front of your children.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Zodiac said:


> Cluster B types. They make things so enjoyable. Let go of your healing fantasy, you can't save him. I'd read Psychopath Free and look into why you think this is remotely acceptable. Might want to look at the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents how to heal feom distant, rejecting and self absorbed parents. I stopped reading after he threnated you.


Lol internet diagnoses....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why are you with him again??????????????????

I would never expose my children to a man who shoved me and spoke to me or the children like that.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

You already said you were leaving when the lease is up so you already know what needs to be done. It sounds like he's speeding the process and doing you a favor by moving his whiny ass out. Make sure he follows through with it. You don't need that mess. You'll be far better off without him around being needy AND violent.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> I'm sorry, but why does there have to be more to the story? Are you implying that she must have done something to change him question more it is entirely and most probably possible that the guy is abusive. That this is actually his fault and not Herve's. This kind of thinking is why women are afraid to report abuse.


I've read the other threads. And asking for clarification.

If this relationship is real it needs to end.

Something isn't adding up.

The relationship is 2 years old and violence and threats have only arisen since February, at which time he was already supposed to be leaving.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

red oak said:


> I've read the other threads. And asking for clarification.
> 
> If this relationship is real it needs to end.
> 
> ...


The relationship is real. What kind of clarification do you want? 

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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Greenfrog77 said:


> The relationship is real. What kind of clarification do you want?
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


What changed his mind about leaving in February?


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

red oak said:


> What changed his mind about leaving in February?


He realized the root of the problem was his jealousy. We discussed the issues and decided to work it out as we have love for each other.

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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Greenfrog77 said:


> He realized the root of the problem was his jealousy. We discussed the issues and decided to work it out as we have love for each other.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


There has been no improvement since then?
What about you is he afraid of?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Greenfrog77 said:


> He realized the root of the problem was his jealousy. We discussed the issues and decided to work it out as we have love for each other.


Uh, no, sorry. This isn't how people who love you treat you. They don't shove, push, or claim they want to slap the **** out of you.

First, you need to redefine your definition of love, 'cause this ain't it. Not by a long shot. I don't understand what discussing the issues means in your case, given that he's still behaving like a colossal ass, and you are on here doubting whether or not your reactions to his behavior are valid.

I can't even begin to explain how horrible this is for children to see/hear. Get your kids out of this big hot mess.


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## Zodiac (Dec 7, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> Lol internet diagnoses....


LOL, we read the same story right? Damn right i'm going to set her on a path that she can later get off if it turns out incorrectly, and yes based on what she said, does it sound like he has much empathy? Relationships like that isn't about healing that person for your childhood healing fantasy. You know, heal someone the way you could never heal your family. It's about seeing your fantasy for what it is.... a fantasy, people like that don't change. Find the self respect. 

Your avatar alone makes it hard for me to address you other then a troll. I had a silhouette of a man in a bowler hat. Someone made a comment and I changed my avatar, as it made them uneasy with my screen name.


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## Zodiac (Dec 7, 2018)

red oak said:


> What changed his mind about leaving in February?


What is Control, Alex. I'll take abusive relationships for $300 next.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What you are experiencing is domestic violence, breaking things even if he doesn't hit you, is dv. How can you allow your kids to live like this? If I were the children's father I would be taking you to court for full custody.

There's a very real risk that you could lose your children. Get this ahole out of your house now.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> make sure you hold the door open for him on his way out this weekend.


No, don't bother. Let it hit him in the ass. He may say "he didn't mean it".....but that shove is prima facie evidence that he is capable of carrying out his threat. Goodbye and good riddance. There are no worthwhile possibilities here.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

red oak said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > I'm sorry, but why does there have to be more to the story? Are you implying that she must have done something to change him question more it is entirely and most probably possible that the guy is abusive. That this is actually his fault and not Herve's. This kind of thinking is why women are afraid to report abuse.
> ...


Nobody else seems to have trouble calling him abusive. And calling a poster a troll is against the rules.

And it is HIGHLY common for an abuser to be on good behavior the first year or so of a relationship.

You're the only one having a math problem.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Zodiac said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Lol internet diagnoses....
> ...


Oh he's absolutely abusive. But you cannot diagnose someone you've never met.

The fact that you define someone by a 100 by 100 pixel image says a lot.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> *Nobody else seems to have trouble calling him abusive*. And calling a poster a troll is against the rules.
> 
> And it is HIGHLY common for an abuser to be on good behavior the first year or so of a relationship.
> 
> You're the only one having a math problem.


I think perhsps they both are in different ways. 


> *Oh and he also says he is also afraid of me. Might I add this is his opinion and he is entitled to it*


I believe, I said the relationship should end. That or intentsive counseling. They obviously are creating stress for one another.
I don't condone his behavior. 

She asked if they were being disrespectful. From the information given they aren't. However, I feel we are only getting a small portion of the story. And that can be said without meaning i condone his behavior. 

Why would anyone be asking if they could still have a sperm donation even if he leaves, and still want to pay for a surrogate? 
Which she later decided against. 

None of this condones his behavior which is abusive. Nor does it rationalizing her remaining. 

I say if he is leaving this weekend let him leave and be done with it. Don't be doing things which will keep ties to him (sperm donations) or try to talk him into remaining. Simply enjoy the peace which his absence would bring to your life.

If he is that bad get a restraining order and be done with it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Get away from him and stay away. 

And keep in mind your children are watching everything you do.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

To me, it sounds like you guys really need to work on your communication skills. And, it also sounds like your BF needs to get help for his anger (management). There’s no way on God’s green Earth that I’d put up with that garbage, nor would I drag children into it. Personally, if I were you, I would run far, far away as fast as possible.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> He realized the root of the problem was his jealousy. We discussed the issues and decided to work it out as we have love for each other.


So what. 

I adored my abusive, wife-beating, alcoholic father but even at 12 years old I knew it was better for my mother and my siblings to have him OUT of the house. Even at 12 years old I knew my mother had done the right thing for the betterment of ALL of us.

I'm asking this honestly. Do you feel _good_ about subjecting your children to an abuser? Do you feel _good_ about forcing them to have to grow up in such a horribly dysfunctional atmosphere? Do you feel _good_ that they have to walk on eggshells all the time around this fool because he continually acts like an angry little child with his tantrums about ignorant and childish things? 

*Your* job as a parent is to provide a healthy, positive atmosphere in which your kids can grow and thrive. You're not doing that. You're forcing them to deal with some abusive *bully* whose threatening physical harm to you whenever his childish temper flares or he's making drama where it *doesn't* exist, forcing everyone in the house to feel uncomfortable and afraid of him.

It's incredibly unfair to subject your kids to this abusive man just because YOU 'have love for him.' We all know when we're a parent it's not about what WE want. We have to do our very best job to put our kids FIRST, and you're just not doing that.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> *Your* job as a parent is to provide a healthy, positive atmosphere in which your kids can grow and thrive. You're not doing that. You're forcing them to deal with some abusive *bully* whose threatening physical harm to you whenever his childish temper flares or he's making drama where it *doesn't* exist, forcing everyone in the house to feel uncomfortable and afraid of him.
> 
> It's incredibly unfair to subject your kids to this abusive man just because YOU 'have love for him.' We all know when we're a parent it's not about what WE want. We have to do our very best job to put our kids FIRST, and you're just not doing that.



THIS. 

The safety and well being of your children should be more important to you than having a "man" in your life.


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