# I'll be better without him



## rungirl247 (Jan 27, 2018)

Hello, I'm new to the forum and I desperately need to vent/seek advice. I have been married for over 10 years, we have a 7 year old son together and he has twin sons whom have lived with us the past 10 years. Our relationship start as a distance relationship and things moved quickly. I owned my home and decided to rent it to my sister and move closer to him. We then ended up purchasing a home together and were married the following year. When we were looking for a home together I thought we were being open and honest about our finances but he was not. We ended up purchases a home which was more than I thought we could afford but he said it wouldn't be an issue and he would pay the mortgage and I take care of utilities, groceries, etc. About a year into the marriage I found out he had a tax debt from 2000 and as such IRS placed a lien on our home. He told me we would take care of it but 10 years later the lien is still attached. He constantly lies about his finances. We have separate bank accounts because when we did combine our finances he would spend a portion of my check or overdraft the account. I found out he has been receiving pay advances and they are drafting the payments from his payroll so now he's bring home less than half his bi-weekly income. We have over 30K in CC debt and I had to take over making those payments because he was only paying the minimum. He is 10K behind on the mortgage. 

I have been wanting to leave for years and have been sticking it out for the boys. The twins graduate from high school this year so I feel now would be the best time to get the hell out. I'm sure our home will soon be foreclosed. I want to moved back to my hometown with my son but it would be like taking three steps back. I would have to live with my parents or in the home I still rent to my sister. Also I know people will be talking about me behind my back. I would feel like such a failure.

Thanks for reading.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

See a lawyer.

Gather all finiancial documents.

Explain your stiuation ask if there is any innocent spouce laws that will help you.

Who cares if people talk behind your back you have to start somewhere. 

Good luck


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

Yes it's 3 steps down but staying with this person, you are stepping down to the 4th.
hope, the lesson learned is: do not rely on what man says, but what he does.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

So sorry you are in this situation. What does a person do? Ask the person you are dating that you want to see their financials?

No. You ask questions, listen to what they tell you and trust that they are telling you the truth, with no lies of omission.

You are on the right track. Separate as much as the finances as you can, get your name off anything that will hurt you.

Don't worry about what people will say. Anyone who would talk badly about you for divorcing, especially if they don't know anything about you and your situation is not a person worth worrying about. People who matter will ask how they can help or support you.


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## RussellHarper (Feb 9, 2018)

Consult an attorney.


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

This is more than infuriating. It is marriage treason. 

I have a great deal of empathy for you. It is always darkest before the dawn. To rid yourself of such a monstrous character is the only path forward, who cares what others are saying behind your back.

For me, the inability to plan financially because of such a person is terrorism. You have no future you can count on, only bombs that go off without warning. 

Good luck to you, nobody deserves to live like this.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your already three steps back....dump and run. Get an Attorney. It will be the only wise investment you made so far.


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## dragonlady2314 (Feb 26, 2018)

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. No offense but he sounds so incredibly selfish. I agree with PP...it is a form of abuse and almost terrorist-like in the sense you never know what is about to happen and no future planning. I am in a similar situation that I am unable to plan for the future based on my husbands inability or willingness to get a job...it is so incredibly depressing. I hope the best for you but you have to save yourself and no longer allow him to drowned you. 
I know that is the part that wears on me...not being able to make plans, vacations, I freak out when unexpected expenses come up since I am the only one to handle them...I feel for you. PLEASE remember to take care of yourself!


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