# New Member



## Deepbreath7 (Apr 11, 2019)

60 years old, married 30 years. Empty nest H. Had affair 2006, forgave now 13 years later same patterns pretty sure it’s a co worker. He’s not in love with me. I’m not sure I’m still in love with him. It’s very easy to say to leave/divorce but it’s not will hurt entire family, financially as an older retired woman from working 5 years ago ( helping watch grandkids now)Plus let’s be honest I don’t want to be alone. So I’m thinking of staying and just “disconnect” from him and working on myself I am in martial therapy alone. But just seeing if anyone else is in this situation?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Yep... but I deserved better. And even though my lifestyle is different - it’s still WAY better than allowing someone to cheat and betray me. 

And I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want and with whomever I want foras long as I want!

It’s worth it! No oneti lieto me and betray me daily!

And we did have an amazing M - it’s just that he is the greedy type - no amount of women will satisfy him.

He’s a narcissist who needs the constant ego feed.


I do get spousal support...request a life ins policy stay in place in case he dies.

Yes, divorce him. Life is too short to pretend to be happy.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Geesh, I think this makes four divorces I've recommended in the last 30 minutes. 

Hope you are being tested regularly for STD's. You don't want to upset your family, so you are all right with them thinking infidelity is ok or maybe you just want to continue baby-sitting your grands. Sound to me like you are alone--in a loveless marriage--whether you are married to him or not. Maybe you don't want to let him go to his affair partner. 

Yes, I divorced later in life, not as old as you--got more education, worked again, became healthier, regained my self-respect, etc. Best thing I ever did. Your choice.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Deepbreath7 said:


> .......Plus let’s be honest I don’t want to be alone. So I’m thinking of staying and just “disconnect” from him and working on myself I am in martial therapy alone. But just seeing if anyone else is in this situation?


But if you disconnect and don't want to be with him -- aren't you already alone in that scenario?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Deepbreath7 said:


> 60 years old, married 30 years. Empty nest H. Had affair 2006, forgave now 13 years later same patterns pretty sure it’s a co worker. He’s not in love with me. I’m not sure I’m still in love with him. It’s very easy to say to leave/divorce but it’s not will hurt entire family, financially as an older retired woman from working 5 years ago ( helping watch grandkids now)Plus let’s be honest I don’t want to be alone. So I’m thinking of staying and just “disconnect” from him and working on myself I am in martial therapy alone. But just seeing if anyone else is in this situation?


 So since your kids expect free daycare from you while they work, maybe you can move in with one of them.

You're only as 'stuck' with this cheater as you want to be.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

How do you do marital therapy alone?

Seems like that misses the point. Please explain.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Beach123 said:


> How do you do marital therapy alone?
> 
> Seems like that misses the point. Please explain.


Who recommended marriage counseling? I skimmed through all the posts and didn't see any mention of that. And marriage counseling would be a *ludicrous *suggestion to someone whose married to a serial cheater. They likely meant you should consider therapy to figure out why you're so willing to stay with someone who disrespects you on a daily basis. and to figure out how to be on your own without thinking the world is going to come to an end if you leave your cheater. Because it won't.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Deepbreath7 said:


> 60 years old, married 30 years. Empty nest H. Had affair 2006, forgave now 13 years later same patterns pretty sure it’s a co worker. He’s not in love with me. I’m not sure I’m still in love with him. It’s very easy to say to leave/divorce but it’s not will hurt entire family, financially as an older retired woman from working 5 years ago ( helping watch grandkids now)Plus let’s be honest I don’t want to be alone. So I’m thinking of *staying and just “disconnect” from him* and working on myself I am in martial therapy alone. But just seeing if anyone else is in this situation?


How is bolded different from being alone?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Who recommended marriage counseling? I skimmed through all the posts and didn't see any mention of that.


OP mentioned she was in her opening post.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I just couldnt live with a man who was cheating on me. No matter how inconvenient and difficult it is to leave, staying seems desperate.


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