# Can Forcing NC Make H Want OW More?



## Lasr60637 (Nov 14, 2008)

I have angrily declared to H and the OW that there will be no more contact. H seems angry but will not talk about it so I figured he's mad because he can't talk to OW like he used to.

In an argument we had this week, I brought up his relationship and he got mad saying I need to get over it and get past this or he will move out. I told him to go ahead and move out. He's still here. I guess he thought saying that would scare me. It didnt.

He says he's a "grown as man" and knows what he's doing and I should just trust him and let him do what he wants. He says he feels trapped and smothered and he's not happy with the way things are and I told him I didnt care how he felt if he is feeling that way because he cant talk to OW anymore.

He doesnt show any romantic feelings towards me. No hugs, kisses, cuddling at night in bed - NOTHING. Is this his way of punishing me because I'm breaking up his relationship?

The OW is a coworker of both of us and I really upset her when I confronted her about all this back in October. She cried and said she would never talk to him again.

Is it possible that she told him to stop calling her and the calls I see on his secret cell phone is H calling her?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

How loving do you feel towards your husband?


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## Lasr60637 (Nov 14, 2008)

I love my husband a lot. Now I feel like whatever goes on in this house, he's talking to her about it. Any overtures I try to make in the relationship might be mentioned to her and in my mind they are laughing at me. 

No woman wants to feel that she is being discussed behind her back and especially if the wife personally knows the OW. Its embarrassing and I just can believe I've gotten to this point. It hurts so bad! Between sadness and anger at my H, this is such a terrible position to be put in.

I just dont know what to do.

I'm glad these sites exist. Whenever I'm hurting and get on this site and write whats on my mind at the time, I feel a little better getting it out.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I have an alternative plan for you...

Instead of worrying about what will make hubby want the other woman more, what about working on what will make him want you more.

If you're not already doing that, the situation is probably in jeopardy.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

MarkTwain said:


> I have an alternative plan for you...
> 
> Instead of worrying about what will make hubby want the other woman more, what about working on what will make him want you more.
> 
> If you're not already doing that, the situation is probably in jeopardy.



:iagree:

Because you are putting yourself in a no win situation, you seem like the bad guy in his eyes and she was the nice innocent one.

draconis


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## pauline2001 (Dec 13, 2008)

draconis said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Because you are putting yourself in a no win situation, you seem like the bad guy in his eyes and she was the nice innocent one.
> 
> draconis


Soooo true!!!


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## Lasr60637 (Nov 14, 2008)

draconis said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Because you are putting yourself in a no win situation, you seem like the bad guy in his eyes and she was the nice innocent one.
> 
> draconis


What do you mean by no win situation? Please elaborate. The bad guy part sounds true because when on D-Day, I talked about her so bad and he was defending her saying its not her fault and he didnt want me to confront her.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

You need to do two things...make yourself more attractive to him...AND GET THE OTHER BIT.H OUT OF THE PICTURE!!!


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## Kyndall (Jan 3, 2009)

I think forcing no contact is the only way to go. If he wants to be with you then he cannot have ANY contact with her. I forced no contact and my husband said that is what he needed. I felt that if I could break that bond then he would let her go. I do believe it worked as far as him cheating on me goes. 

I also understand what you are saying about thinking they are taliking about you. It has been almost 2 years since I found out and I still find myself thinking "if this doesn't work out will he go back to her and will he tell her everything about me"


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## mclovin (Nov 18, 2008)

One thing I learned through my ordeal. You can make demands but you can't make people change their behavior if they are unwilling to. If you say "you can't talk to her anymore" he'll find a way behind your back.

The advice I like on a lot of these boards is "make yourself more attractive" or "make him/her have a reason to want you". It's amazing to me that the person hurt and cheated on is the one that has to do something to win their cheating spouse back. I can understand that it takes two people to make something go wrong, but cheating or being deceptive as a result is wrong and hurtful. Most people cheat because they are missing something or trying to find happiness elsewhere. Statistics I read show that most people are actually more unhappy after the left their marriage and very few affairs turn out to be anything of substance. 

It just stinks that people have different values when it comes to what marriage really means. That's what is comes down to. Some people run away from problems or choose to cheat rather than work on something that is way more valuable....


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