# Told my husband I wanted a divorce...



## nicole2011

Well today i told my husband I wanted divorce. It was the hardest thing i could do. We have been separated for almost 6 months now. I couldn't tell him before now bc of guilt. I didnt want to hurt his feelings. I have been living with my mom. After I told him he started making me feel guilty bc i didnt have to worry about the house payment and he wasnt sure if you was going to be able to make it. Telling me I havent been trying for the last 6 months on trying to make it work. He is pulling at straws trying to make this work. 

The reason for our separation is bc i was unhappy. He was verbally abusive to me, mainly when he was mad or i didnt do something right. He has a little NPD in him (my thoughts). He wanted things done his way. 

For me, he told me i didnt show him the love that a wife should, so in return he treated me this way.

We have 2 houses. He told me before, if something did happen i could have the small house and he would take the big one. He now has changed his story. We have to sell both houses bc its not fair. 
We have no kids, married 4 1/2 year together 9.


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## LovesHerMan

I am glad that you finally made a decision. Limbo is hell. I remember when you first cam to TAM, you were asking if you could fall in love with your husband again. Since you tried and it did not happen, it is good to move forward with your life.

Expect things to get ugly with the divorce. Hire the best lawyer that you can afford.


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## sisters359

With no kids, you can isolate yourself from him easily. All communication should go through your lawyer. Set that boundary, make sure he knows (email, voice message), and then enforce it. You are lucky to be able to cut your losses. Nothing justifies verbal abuse, and the way he is telling you it is "your fault" is pretty typical of abusers. Good luck.


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## Valerie50

Totally agree that you should go through a lawyer and don't let his verbal abuse sway you from getting what you are entitled to. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and can really hurt your self esteem so please be sure to take care of you. Glad that you are staying with someone, it helps to have someone to lean on.


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## cdavis

I'd disagree on the lawyer, I would make an attempt to settle distribution of property yourself or ask him to see a mediator. Asset division is pretty strait forward. Both spending money on lawyers will get expensive. If you have a completely uncooperative spouse or you think they are hiding assets (and need a subpoena for records) you may not have a choice, but I would try first. You can always do some research and bring mortgage balances, property values to a lawyer for a consult (often free to $500) and get an opinion on ED first.


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## nicole2011

He told me i could have the small house but now has changed his mind. He said to sell both. He may change his mind again. Im not going to fight over anything. He knows whats mine in the house and I will take that. Im going to let him have the checking bc most of the money is his anyways bc he makes more money. Most of my money went to pay off credit cards. Im going to get the savings which is not much but i will be ok. I will not have to pay rent bc i live with my mom. We have no kids so this should be pretty easy, i hope. I went by the pick our dog up and to get some summer clothes and by the time i left he was crying.


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## fml

OMG are we married to the same man? 
I just asked my Husband for a divorce 2 weeks ago and we have been seperated for 5 months, I moved back home as well and since I asked for the divorce he wont speak to me. I understand why you dont want to contest things, its like youjust get sick of the fight and just want it to be over. It is a good thing that you have no kids(me neither) but there is a part of you that feels like you are giving up so many dreams. Make sure that you get what you deserve. Those things are just as much yours. Dont feel guilty for asking for the divorce, I keep thinking about when we first seperated and it was over from then. We both knew it but no one wanted to say it. Did you guys date while seperated in hopes of gettting back together?


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## soconfused1984

wow! are we all married to the same husband? hahahaha! well I'm in the process of "how do i tell him?" where did u get the guts to just say you want out? my husband is very short tempered and can be emotionally abusive, he is a yeller, in other words, a big child!! I'm not scared of going on my own, I'll do anything for my son to survive but just to go throught the first stage of actually telling him i want out, scares me to death!!! =S..


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## nicole2011

fml said:


> OMG are we married to the same man?
> I just asked my Husband for a divorce 2 weeks ago and we have been seperated for 5 months, I moved back home as well and since I asked for the divorce he wont speak to me. I understand why you dont want to contest things, its like youjust get sick of the fight and just want it to be over. It is a good thing that you have no kids(me neither) but there is a part of you that feels like you are giving up so many dreams. Make sure that you get what you deserve. Those things are just as much yours. Dont feel guilty for asking for the divorce, I keep thinking about when we first seperated and it was over from then. We both knew it but no one wanted to say it. Did you guys date while seperated in hopes of gettting back together?



We did date to see if my feelings toward him would change. Well, they didnt. H asked me last week if i was biding time til time was up. I told him yes and I would file when i needed to. I feel so much better now.


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## nicole2011

soconfused1984 said:


> wow! are we all married to the same husband? hahahaha! well I'm in the process of "how do i tell him?" where did u get the guts to just say you want out? my husband is very short tempered and can be emotionally abusive, he is a yeller, in other words, a big child!! I'm not scared of going on my own, I'll do anything for my son to survive but just to go throught the first stage of actually telling him i want out, scares me to death!!! =S..


Telling him will be the hardest thing you could ever do. It took me 6 months to do it. Guilt was what made it so tough for me to do it. I didnt want to hurt his feelings. I actually mentioned it over text and as soon as i went to lunch he called. I was upset but then i told him i wanted a divorce. I have told him again since that time. He acts like i didnt tell him. I told him i cant force something that is not there and its not fair to him. My h sounds like yours!! I finally took my rings off yesterday.


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## soconfused1984

wow! i seriously have no idea how and where to find the guts to do it like you Nicole2011! but good for you that you were able to do it!! =)


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## bestplayer

nicole2011 said:


> Telling him will be the hardest thing you could ever do. It took me 6 months to do it. Guilt was what made it so tough for me to do it. I didnt want to hurt his feelings. I actually mentioned it over text and as soon as i went to lunch he called. I was upset but then i told him i wanted a divorce. I have told him again since that time. He acts like i didnt tell him. I told him i cant force something that is not there and its not fair to him. My h sounds like yours!! I finally took my rings off yesterday.


I wonder should men trust a woman & marry her when she says she loves him ? At least I dont think so .


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## bestplayer

nicole2011 said:


> Telling him will be the hardest thing you could ever do. It took me 6 months to do it. Guilt was what made it so tough for me to do it. I didnt want to hurt his feelings. I actually mentioned it over text and as soon as i went to lunch he called. I was upset but then i told him i wanted a divorce. I have told him again since that time. He acts like i didnt tell him. I told him i cant force something that is not there and its not fair to him. My h sounds like yours!! I finally took my rings off yesterday.


I am confused here . why would it be the hardest thing when you dont love him ?


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## soconfused1984

best player,,,love is something you work on to keep it alive and it takes two to do it...when one is out and doesn't care, the love starts to fade cus the other person trying everything in their heart completely wears out....


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## nicole2011

bestplayer said:


> I am confused here . why would it be the hardest thing when you dont love him ?



I do love him but not in love bc of how he has treated me over the years. He was verbally abusive, all ways right, everything had to be done his way. I had my faults too but i never treated him bad. I know how much he loves me and didnt want to hurt his feelings. That's the difference between us. He didnt care if he hurt my feelings. I can talk about us and he gets upset and i dont like seeing that.


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## nicole2011

soconfused1984 said:


> best player,,,love is something you work on to keep it alive and it takes two to do it...when one is out and doesn't care, the love starts to fade cus the other person trying everything in their heart completely wears out....


We started mc last June 11 and a year before that i had mentioned mc to him. His response was-I dont need help. I would get on this site and everyone would pep me up and i would go home and it would go all to hell. After you give in to somebody so many times you just end up not caring. There is only so much you can put with over the years. I told him several times to treat me better and not to take me for granted. Hes even told me times before the he has taken me for granted.


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## trinidadchick

nicole2011 said:


> We did date to see if my feelings toward him would change. Well, they didnt. H asked me last week if i was biding time til time was up. I told him yes and I would file when i needed to. I feel so much better now.


OMG...my ex husband asked me about this "dating" thing and I gave in. I gave into therapy and the therapist was pretty good but I had to be strong. None of those things worked at that point. Or it would have worked maybe for a while longer then bomb, again. The night I finally asked for the divorce, he YELLED, CUSSED, and started packing up all his items. usual behavior. He didn't speak to me for a week. Then his family showed up to my new lil apartment practically busting my door down asking me to take him back. Lord, now the deed is done and he still begs and I asked for nothing because we have no children together and I was working and going to school, anyway. He asked for things tho, and I gave them to him.


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