# Man w/kids vs. woman w/kids



## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

The common perception used to be that a divorced man with kids, even with a large and steady income stream, was damaged goods in the eyes of a potential single childless partner. Likewise a woman with kids may have been equally unsuitable for a childless partner, not having the time to devote to a new relationship. Do people in the 30-40-yr-old range have these perceptions today? How does divorced-dating-commitment-free people work out in reality vs expectations?

Is it wiser to stick to people in the same predicament (post-marriage, with kids)? After all, online dating makes it easier to filter.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

For me personally I only considered a serious relationship with a man in a similar situation ie post divorce, with children and financially independent. For casual dating none of that mattered.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't think the perception persists anymore. With a 50% divorce rate it is the new normal. I see this at my kids school even when they schedule parent teacher conferences they have an opinion for divorced parents to schedule different times as a standard. Time have changed.

The hardest part of dating single moms with kids is figuring out schedules. I have had first dates where we are sitting down with a pen and napkin figuring out each other's custody arrangement and if we would Have time to date lol. I have had to bypass women who I was really interested in but because we had opposite custody schedules we had no time to date.

I am very cautious about dating a woman without kids because they either want kids, and I'm done with that, or they know they wouldn't be a good mom so I probably don't want them around my kids. Single parents is my go to dating pool


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Interesting. I'm not at the dating stage yet but have thought about what I would do when I am. I think for whatever reason, my perception is that when people hear "divorced woman with kids" they think "looking for new husband" and when they hear "divorced man with kids" women think it's totally sexy, maybe because it proves they are good nurturers or something? And they don't have any expectation that the guy is looking to get married again.

This is completely unfair of me, but I would tend to stay away from single guys who don't have kids, because of the statistics of kids from divorced families being more likely to be abused. I am very protective of my son, and right or wrong, my concern would be that i was being targeted by someone trying to get to my son. I know that it doesn't follow that a guy with kids would be any safer for my son to be around, but part of me feels he would be safer in that arrangement. Maybe I'm being paranoid. But I take my son's safety and well being very seriously. 

That, and a guy with kids knows what kids entail. They likely have been vomited and peed on at some point by their kids, so they aren't going to be grossed out when my son does something kids do. And perhaps most importantly, they get that the kids' welfare comes first, and that we both would have to share each other with kids in terms of time and attention. I think this is something a lot of childless men and women don't really grasp the reality of, but again, that might just be my perception.

This is all in an ideal world, though, in which men with and without kids are lining up around the block to take me out hehe

Hey, a girl can dream.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I prefer as a single father to date single mothers. They understand the responsibilities.

A common situation I find myself in with the childless is explaining why I can't meet her out with her friends at short notice. No, finding a sitter at 11:30pm on a Friday night is not happening, and it isn't worth the efforts to even try.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> I prefer as a single father to date single mothers. They understand the responsibilities.
> 
> A common situation I find myself in with the childless is explaining why I can't meet her out with her friends at short notice. No, finding a sitter at 11:30pm on a Friday night is not happening, and it isn't worth the efforts to even try.


I'm a woman, but this has been my preference as well. Only parents get it, to be honest.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

joannacroc said:


> Interesting. I'm not at the dating stage yet but have thought about what I would do when I am. I think for whatever reason, my perception is that when people hear "divorced woman with kids" they think "looking for new husband" and when they hear "divorced man with kids" women think it's totally sexy, maybe because it proves they are good nurturers or something? And they don't have any expectation that the guy is looking to get married again.
> 
> This is completely unfair of me, but I would tend to stay away from single guys who don't have kids, because of the statistics of kids from divorced families being more likely to be abused. I am very protective of my son, and right or wrong, my concern would be that i was being targeted by someone trying to get to my son. I know that it doesn't follow that a guy with kids would be any safer for my son to be around, but part of me feels he would be safer in that arrangement. Maybe I'm being paranoid. But I take my son's safety and well being very seriously.
> 
> ...


Have you heard of Cinderella syndrome? My experience alone, the single women without kids took to my son very well, the ones with kids were not so accepting.

I've dated 3 without (only 2 met my son, the 1 would absolutely adore him) and 5 single mothers (one I married and spent half my marriage protecting my son from her, she admitted to "hating him." The other 4 were less interested, and I felt preferred I wasn't a father.

But the 3 childless, absolutely loved that I was a father.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

gouge_away said:


> Have you heard of Cinderella syndrome? My experience alone, the single women without kids took to my son very well, the ones with kids were not so accepting.
> 
> I've dated 3 without (only 2 met my son, the 1 would absolutely adore him) and 5 single mothers (one I married and spent half my marriage protecting my son from her, she admitted to "hating him." The other 4 were less interested, and I felt preferred I wasn't a father.
> 
> But the 3 childless, absolutely loved that I was a father.


Thank you for this insight! I had a hunch this conversation had a gaping blind spot until your comment. My observation has been that younger women who got along with my friends' kids and convinced them to have a baby later were still OK with the older kids, if anything due to the age difference (no competition for the same type of attention and resources). That said, it was hard for those women to grasp parental realities pre-baby (it took a special kind of laid-back and sympathetic woman).


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