# Fading



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Fading

Where did it go for us, that which used to be
As vast as a blue sky and deep as the sea
We thought we could weather any type of storm
Our bonds were so strong, our love true and warm

But something happened, I don’t know just when
And we drifted apart and lost what could have been
We both lived in our house each living our own life
Not the union we promised, as husband and wife

I rekindled my love, tried my best to recover
But you’d already let go, found hope in another
He was there for you in your wants and needs 
And I feared it too late, no matter my deeds

Don’t worry you said he’s just a good friend
And we set on forth, our marriage to mend
Neither of us knew how long this would take
But we listed our goals and changes to make

With time hope and faith I thought we’d be fine
But it became very clear you were no longer mine
You confessed your true feelings once he was gone
How could it have happened, how could I be so wrong

Now back to the beginning from where we did start
Each grieving our losses and pains of the heart
I fear I have lost you and you have lost him
And the love in my heart has started to dim

We did what we promised to make our love whole
But these wounds have battered our marital soul
That which we’ve worked for, so hard this past year
Is now slipping from sight in the form of a tear

Amp


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Wow, powerful yet sad, I almost cried just reading this.

draconis


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## Immortalone (Mar 5, 2008)

Amazing how many relationships this fits. One cheats, two try to amend and one falls away.


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## Andrea (Sep 11, 2007)

thank you for sharing, Amp.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Thanks all for your kind replies and PMs. Yesterday was just kind of a blue day for me and obviously I had been questioning my continued commitment. Nothing catastrophic has happened in our situation and we are still together. Still working and trying to put everything back together. Just so you know it was an emotional affair, not a physical one. Hopefully as some point I’ll write some verse in celebration. In the mean time, I think I’ll keep my day job. You know the old joke. What do you call a poet without a girlfriend? Homeless.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

I feel you amp. I have many tear stained drawings in my sketch books. Do you feel some relief in putting your feelings down on paper so to speak? I have run into old pieces and although I remember the pain I was feeling when I drew them I also remember the relief I felt in seeing it out of my mind and heart and on paper.

Thanks for sharing with us.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Very nice amp, sad and powerful, Poetry is a great healing method for myself as well. During some rough times in my life I had used it to express my inner thoughts, as you have shared with us. Thank you for sharing, very personaly, but wonderful.

Thanks


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Carmaenforcer

Thanks for the reply and yes I do feel better when I put things down on paper. I wrote about a dozen poems for her last year, had them bound and gave them to her for Christmas. It really touched her. Most were love poems but some were of regret and remorse like this. In reading them it can be a two edge sword for me. Sometimes quite lifting, sometimes making me very sad. There must have been ill karma in the air last week when I wrote it as this weekend I found out he is trying to contact her again. She is holding at this time. Keep us in your thoughts.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

No problem *amp* affairs be they emotional or physical is my main button, I am married to a cheater and constantly fight the fight in my own heart. I will definitely have you in my thoughts and wish you the best of luck.

The guy is trying to contact her again? If you don't mind telling us, how did you find out, did she tell you (I hope) and what did she do about it, if anything. Be careful that she is not getting a kick out of it though, not to put anything into your head, but some women like the extra attention this type of situation brings to them.


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## sweetp101 (Mar 13, 2008)

Beautiful... Beautiful.... Would you mind if I shared this poem with a few of my friends?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Sweetp101

Feel free to share. I would consider it a complement. Thank you for your appreciation. Once you put something out here on the Internet it’s pretty much there for anybody. The others I’ve written were of my hand for her and her only. No one else has seen them. They are very private between my wife and me. Perhaps if I get the inspiration I’ll write more and post them.

Carmaenforcer

No she did not tell me. I happened to walk into the den when she had her email up. She didn’t try and close anything or hide it and I saw a couple of his emails in her deleted box. One unopened. I calmly asked her about it and she told me he was just sending jokes out to a group of people very recently. She has not replied. I fully believe her and if I wanted to snoop further I certainly could. I have to trust in her just as she has to trust in me for the promises I’ve made in recovering our marriage. We have been married 22 years, if she were lying to me I think I’d know it. Also my profession requires that I understand people’s reads. I know not responding to him is difficult even in a casual reply, but I must trust she has the strength to keep her word to me. Full trust is full trust. If I am by some chance being the sap here sooner or later she’ll slip and it will be on the table. No I don’t believe she is trying to play this for his or my attention. Simply not her style but thanks for the insight.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I hope you write more amp.

draconis


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It would be nice to have a poetry forum so poems like this don't get 'buried'


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

amp, I'm happy that she is not being shady with you, that counts for a lot. When they are open with you and not still trying to be too secretive makes it so much easier to heal. 
It's hard enough getting over your Wife lying without having to respect her space too much. 
I know that I still see shadows from time to time and appreciate complete openness, well within reason without big brothering her to the point of resentment.


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## stav (Feb 5, 2008)

that was lovely amp.. from your heart.. you say you were feeling blue, but maybe pouring it all out has helped a little.

keep hoping dear, it's the only way...


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

The beauty of a truth is that it is the truth for all. You found a way in to all our heads with your words. Thank you.


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## BrokenFrag (Mar 25, 2008)

amp, i too have tried my hand at poetry to deal with my feelings. it weakens my resolve terribly to see that you and your wife are still struggling. as you know i am in a very similar situation, but we have not been working on our marriage as long as you have. my wife does not love me as much as she loves him. my love for her has not faded. i think she hasn't left due to guilt and obligation. she has "tried" to end it with him half a dozen times, but within a day or two either he will reach out to her or she will reach out to him. she doesn't want to let him go even though she knows she needs to. i want so badly to believe she has the strength to let him go, but she has never shown strength before. i don't know if there is a point in staying anymore.

i think i will post my poem just so people can appreciate your skills even more.  I write poetry like I am in the 3rd grade. people, forgive me for hurting your eyes like this, but here is the first poem i have written in 15 years since a high school english class.

I loved an angel once who had given me light
Her presence gave me strength
Her kiss gave my heart flight
For her I sacrificed my dreams and my life
Her happiness was all that mattered
She was my wife
Time went by and my love grew
But she was unhappy
More than I knew
She had been away from heaven for too long
She stopped hearing the words
Of my heart's song
I asked nothing of her so she fell away
She said nothing
And began to stray
She succumbed to temptation and closed her heart
To the man who had been there
From the beginning, the start
Her words became false and they became hollow
Her desires changed
They became shallow
She found someone in which she could hide
No more integrity
No more pride
Her halo faded her wings disappeared
She revealed herself
To be what I feared
She had not come down from a higher place
She had been kicked out
Full of disgrace
She wasn't an angel sent to save my soul
She was a demon
Rising from below
I am still caught in her deceitful spell
Trying to escape
From this special hell
My love for her remains, it will not fade
I am lost
Cannot be saved
Nothing makes sense to me anymore
I can't see 
What life has in store
Can she be saved can she turn it around
So many doubts
In my mind do abound
Desperate for love and one last chance
I reach out my hand
And ask her to dance
Maybe she is neither heavenly or from hell
Maybe she needs help
From me to get well
Maybe my love for her can save us both
Through all this pain
Maybe comes growth
If she can focus on me and our life
Lets go of him then
We can end our strife
Can we build our love again and watch it grow
Can she make it?
How can I know?
Will someone help this poor lost boy?
Help her come home
And return my joy.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

BrokenFrag 

First of all, thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it very much. There is a lot of pain and despair laid out there to be sure but it is your thoughts and soul we are getting a glimpse of and I thank you. Please do not let your resolve wane from seeing that my dear wife and I are still struggling. We have been trying to recover for a year now and things are so much better for us then they were before. I wouldn’t trade the pains and anxieties for anything as we have so improved our situation. If you still have the desire and love for your wife, continue on as best you can and leave no stone unturned in solving your problems. At least you will have tried. I commend you for your efforts already as it appears you have been carrying the burden alone without much help from her. That is a sign of character and patience. My wife and have been at it a year and I’ll happily go another if it means we can recover the wonderful marriage we used to have. We have more good times then bad by far these days. Take heart and look at our struggle as an example and understand these things take time to resolve. A few weeks ago I posted “Our Way Home”. A much more uplifting piece than “Fading”. Keep strong and I wish you the best which ever way this falls for you. You sound like the kind of man that deserves it. Bless.


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