# Wife in love with OM!! why is marriage so disposable!?



## Figs (Dec 2, 2009)

first a quick summary of my situation. a dual military marriage, while deployed W drops the need for a D, because her unhappiness. currently W in a EA w/OM. i had an EA in the past an admitted to it. i have emotional communication difficulties, but trying to work on myself.

with the help of this forum, i have finally accepted that there is not a quick fix!! i am past the feeling sorry for myself and desperation stages. and i dont feel as sad as i use too and dont cry as much neither. i still have a strong urge to be affectionate with her, even when she doesnt return affection back.

found out this morning! and i moved out a couple of hours ago while w was at work. confronted her about it. all she could say was "sorry" (right, that she got caught) and asked me if i needed the keys to pick up my things! i involved my military first sergent. he has placed a no contact order on the both of them. meaning if they try to contact eachother, they can get in big trouble. plus i broke every phone in the house and internet router before i left, out of anger. so she has to sit at home with just her toughts. and i am left all alone. 

what do i do next? forgive and forget? find someone else? take a flight home to be with fam? life sucks so much right now!!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Figs,

Want do you want from your W? You didn't say that. I would suggest the book Divorce Remedy regarding what to do. If you want her back you need to look yourself in the mirror and the marriage to find what cycles you both were in. Then you need to break the cycles. While doing that you need to work on yourself. Do things for you, etc.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

It sounds as if you need some time away. Breaking the things is a display of abuse. Yes, she abused you too by becoming involved outside of your marriage, but two wrongs don't make a right. It would be appropriate to apologize and replace what you broke, not that she deserves it, but because you deserve to be the better man in this situation, however it turns out. 

Take some time to reflect on what you want to do with your life. As you don't know if your wife even wants to get back together with you or not. Get into some counseling to help you gain clarity on your thoughts through this time.


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## Figs (Dec 2, 2009)

yes thanks, i will take your advices, at this point i will take any advice.

so another update. after i moved out yesterday. i went back to the house to see my little girl and spend some time with her. and my w was packing up all of my stuff! it feels like she is being wanting me to leave for a long time and just cant wait to get my things out of there. she even took down the family pics we had on the wall. i didnt say anything to her, i just wanted to be with my daughter. my w was in the living room with a gf having a good time laughing and joking around. i tried to keep my emotions in check while i was with my daughter in her room. but i was hard because i kept hearing her voice and just want her back. 

today i set up a meeting with her, im going to apologize for breaking those things, and replace some of it. and let her know that i havent stoped loving her and i will continue to figth for the marriage, even though she loves another man. i was told by a chaplain, to learn how to forgive and forget. il see if i can do that as well.

thanks again for all your support, even though we're all strangers, we find time out of our busy lives to help one another. thats love!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Figs,

Please don't do this is a pleading or begging way regarding telling your w "I love you", "I will fight for this marriage" etc. You need to say it more like, "I love you ____, but I won't stand for you being with another man. If that is what you choose than I am moving on". You need to be seen as strong to her. 

I missed an opportunity to do it that way myself. Just giving you my expereience. Get the book Divorce Remedy.


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## Figs (Dec 2, 2009)

well an update on the meeting. this is what i said:

"all this time i felt like i did something wrong, i didnt do anything wrong. what you did is wrong, selfish, and arrogant. you broke our commiment and loyalty. and i want you to know that i am hurt, but i forgive you even tough i will never forget what you have done to me. i love you! but you have a decision to make. to be with the man who will love you for the rest of his live, and is making changes for himself, and is still improving himself, and will do anything it takes to improve and fight for his marriage, and currently is because he loves his wife and his daughter. or be with the other guy? i dont need an aswer now. maybe you need a couple of days to think about it. just let me know, when you made the decision. I love you!" 

then she reveled she has been charged with adultery, and may loose her job. and she then asked me what i wanted to do with our daughter, trying to make arrangements for me to see my little girl. i told her im still moving in and i cant keep her in my place, but we will talk about her some other time.

i gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and told her i loved her and left.

i just hope she was listening to me!


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

Good move, Figs.

Best of luck to you and your family.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Figs,

It sounds like you're keeping your head about you - good job! Make sure your little girl is taken care of first and foremost. I imagine this is very upsetting for her all around. Take care of yourself too.


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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

Stop!! Do not tell her that you love her and that YOU are changing! Leave her alone for now.. honestly I did this with my stbx and within a week he was losing it wanting to know what I was doing. Now I have decided that the betrayal was just to much for me to deal with... anyway... give her some space and let her think about things. Kill her with kindness when you do see her and never let her see you as anything but the strong independent person that I am sure you are and were before her!

Good Luck!


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