# To move or not to move?



## bremom (Jun 4, 2009)

A little history…I moved from my hometown of 40 years to live with my husband 2 hours away. I left all my family and children. My husband has lived here in the new place for 7 years and had no children or family here except his father. All my life my family has always been about family. We were all very involved with each other and saw each other every weekend. My sibling’s kids and mine grew up so close together that they could all be sisters and brothers. My husband’s family is spread out all over the USA and they never stay in touch with each other (blows my mind). 

Anyway, the past 3 years have been very eventful as in we got custody of his son who is 15 and that has been a big change for me because my kids are grown. I never see my family. I have noticed that in the last 3 years, I have been very depressed, I have lost a lot of weight and I am terribly unhappy. I did a lot of soul searching and realized that it is because I am away from my family too much. I want to move closer to my grand kids and my mother. I do not work because of medical reasons so I get very lonely here.

I have tried volunteering and other things to keep busy but nothing is working. I approached my husband about moving. I asked him if we could move (which is only 1 hour away). He is adamant about not moving. His reasons are because he doesn’t want his son to have to change schools. His son will adapt I am sure. My reasons I believe are more important. I have no life. I want to be around my grand kids and help more with my mother. 

I am so miserable. I feel that he could make the move and he is refusing. He wouldn’t even have to change his job. It would actually be 15 minutes closer to his job. He has nothing holding him here except his father who is a truck driver and may be here 1 day a month.

My husband made some promises to me that he never kept. He promised me when I moved here that it would only be for 2 years. It has been seven. He promised me he would never drive a truck and he did until his son moved here. I have made many sacrifices for him and I feel that he could do this. I am miserable and I don’t know what to do. Don’t get me wrong. We have a very loving relationship and get along very well. But I have lost all interest in life, my looks, sex. When I go visit my family I am so happy. I would think that he would want me happy. I would be a much better person for it and hence easier to live with.

I am 50 years old and feel like my life is over already. If I move without him I will be so heart broken as this man is the love of my life. If I stay here, I feel my life is over.

My mother says I should move and if he is really in love with me, he will make the move.

Can anyone maybe help me with what to do?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I did the same thing: moved to where he wanted with a "deal" of five years. Eleven years later I sold the house and moved; he moved with me and was mad for a year, but he moved too. It wasn't an hour away, either, it was 14 hours....I'd move like your mom said. If he doesn't follow that is his problem. A deal is a deal, and the son may do better with more family like yours, and you will have more support from your family when helping with HIS son.


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## bremom (Jun 4, 2009)

Thank You for responding. That is EXACTLY what everyone is telling me. I have some things to take care of here, then I am going. I am already feeling better just knowing that I have made the decision.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

well I'm in sort of the same situation where I'm ready to move and husband isn't.. have to wait about 5 to 6 more years.
I just am sick of where we live but have to wait. I tried volunteering too and all kinds of things to keep busy. Can't really do much until about 2 years before the scheduled move and its driving me nuts.
I'm trying to keep balance in my life by setting up a routine to follow daily which helps some...
and I wait and pray to be able to move. We moved here for jobs, not to retire here and we are also the same age as you. 
I would not be able to stand it if it were longer than 5 to 6 years !!!

I dont know if you should move as he may love you but not want to change jobs. People generally move away from areas of low employment to get better jobs and they aren't going back when there is no work there or not good enough work. I think you can talk this out and maybe come up with a plan at least a time frame which should help you deal with things better or at least decide what you want to do.


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## wlinlcpc (Feb 23, 2011)

You mention that your husband is concerned about his son having to change school, but is he at all concerned about your happiness? Being 15, his son is probably a freshman or sophomore in high school which is not too late to change schools. I would also ask him what he is concerned about changing schools?


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