# Would you.....



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Guys, without going into the rights and wrongs of it etc......IF you were going to have an affair with or a relationship with a married woman, would you do/have it with a;

50 yr old woman who still has a reasonable body, is not thin or fat but about right, smokes 20 a day and has cigarette breath all the time, does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway.

If you knew this in advance would you steer clear or if 'in' and you found out would you bunk out quick?

Just wondering!


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## Red Engineer (Jan 3, 2015)

No. Because she is a smoker. Even one a day. No


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## ChristianGrey (Nov 27, 2014)

askari said:


> 50 yr old woman who still has a reasonable body, is not thin or fat but about right, smokes 20 a day and has cigarette breath all the time, does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway.


You sure she wants to have an affair?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I'm not talking about HER having or wanting to have an affair....just wondering if any guys might be interested in her....whether she was looking or not.....


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## ChristianGrey (Nov 27, 2014)

askari said:


> I'm not talking about HER having or wanting to have an affair....just wondering if any guys might be interested in her....whether she was looking or not.....


Beauty is in the eyes of the beerholder, also she could be an _acquired taste_.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Hell no

People that smoke are not my cup of tea (for whatever reason I simply dislike them).

Not sure if it's the smell, fact that they actually smoke.....the act of it.....no clue, but I just noticed myself not liking smokers all together.

And yes, I used to smoke.

:scratchhead:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

askari said:


> Guys, without going into the rights and wrongs of it etc......IF you were going to have an affair with or a relationship with a married woman, would you do/have it with a;
> 
> 50 yr old woman who still has a reasonable body, is not thin or fat but about right, smokes 20 a day and has cigarette breath all the time, does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway.
> 
> ...


Smoker? No thanks... _under *any* circumstances._



ChristianGrey said:


> Beauty is in the eyes of the *beerholder*, also she could be an _acquired taste_.


Ha!

ETA: Added the portion in red above for clarification.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

No, she'd taste like "ash".


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Well, if the guy is a smoker too, they might just be perfect for each other.

I don't get this thread though :scratchhead:. Who wants to have the affair?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Are you trying to satisfy yourself that no one else would want your wife? So you can "know" she'd never cheat on you, so you can be assured that an open marriage would work solely in your favor, or so you can be smug in the knowledge that if you leave her she'll wind up alone forever?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening askari
I'm not sure why you are asking. But - it would completely depend on the woman. I know a couple of 50 year old women (roughly my age) who, if I were going to have an affair, would be possible partners. I'm not thrilled by smoking, but its not an absolute no. I have no idea how I'd find out if they did oral until I had had the affair. "excuse me, do you give blowjobs, because if you do, maybe we can cheat on our spouses...." I really don't see how that conversation gets started.

You are asking all the wrong questions. Does she smile. Do I enjoy her company. Is she funny, creative, exciting. Does she appreciate and respect me? Do I excite her. Is she looking for someone who sees her as a attractive sexy woman, when her husband thinks of her in negative terms of her age and habits. 

You are asking about an affair. If I just want sex, much simpler to hair a 20 year old call-girl who would do whatever I paid her to do in bed.

But I don't just want sex and I don't want an affair. I've got a 50+ year old wife who I love and desire. We are planning a weekend getaway a few weeks from now in a place were we have no plans but to spend hours in bed. 




askari said:


> Guys, without going into the rights and wrongs of it etc......IF you were going to have an affair with or a relationship with a married woman, would you do/have it with a;
> 
> 50 yr old woman who still has a reasonable body, is not thin or fat but about right, smokes 20 a day and has cigarette breath all the time, does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway.
> 
> ...


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

what if you tape a cigarette to your d!ck?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)




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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Absolutely Not!

Rationale being:


I have a conscience and do not cheat!
She's already proven herself to be a cheater by default, and if I were weak enough to join her, that would pretty much make me one!
And lastly, I'm not exactly into licking out ashtrays!
*


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

No way - smoking is a no go. Plus if I want no sex, I'll stay where I'm at. 

Now, as a man that would never think of cheating, if my wife's close friend who is extremely HD, and is average to above average in looks, decided that she was tired of her idiot husband and made a move on me, I would be sorely tempted.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm literally sitting here laughing at the fact that the moral outrage in this thread is primarily reserved for smoking, and not for cheating.

:rofl:


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Are you describing someone in particular? Heh.

Set her up on a barstool at the Cowboy Corral dance hall Sat night, and she'd be out back in someone's extended cab before 11:00.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> I'm literally sitting here laughing at the fact that the moral outrage in this thread is primarily reserved for smoking, and not for cheating.
> 
> :rofl:


Lol. Same here.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Rowan said:


> Are you trying to satisfy yourself that no one else would want your wife? So you can "know" she'd never cheat on you, so you can be assured that an open marriage would work solely in your favor, or so you can be smug in the knowledge that if you leave her she'll wind up alone forever?


Ha! I was thinking the same thing!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

askari said:


> Guys, without going into the rights and wrongs of it etc......IF you were going to have an affair with or a relationship with a married woman, would you do/have it with a;
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I would ask how do you know this much about said 50 year old's sexual preferences to begin with 

From the description above she sounds a bit nekulturny which could have nasty side effects if the PA goes sour...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> what if you tape a cigarette to your d!ck?



Make that an e-cig. Unless Trojan makes Nomex fabric condoms.

Do not try this at home... Repeat...


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

OK...I'll be honest...the person I describe is my wife.

We all know having an affair is cheating and wrong but we all know they happen. 
I think most men will 'window shop'....ie if they see a good looking girl they will notice her. I'm NOT saying that they will try to get her into bed, but we all notice attractive women.

I suppose all I was/am trying to find out was if a male found a smoker with permanently cigarette breath, uninterested in sex and refused to give oral sexually attractive?

Dont get me wrong, my wife is not UN-attractive....she has a very good body....she isn't exactly on the ball with day to day life - she would rather watch some soap than keep abreast of what is happening in the world. 
I mentioned that one of the Paris terrorists had handed themselves in..'Huh? What terrorist?'....she had no idea....despite us having CNN, Sky, BBC etc

If a man looks for sex or an affair outside of his marriage I would imagine it would be because he wants something more than he is getting with his wife....ie intelligent conversation, oral sex etc and would a smoker who wasnt into sex or oral be on his list?

No I do not suspect my wife is having an affair and nor am I seeking to justify anything I may or may not do or may have done!

If (*IF*) I were to ever contemplate or have an affair 'she' would have to be a non smoker (one or two a day max and NO smelly breath!) have a wicked sense of humour, be fun to be around and enjoy sex (including giving and receiving oral!).

If my wife had an affair atleast it would answer some questions; that she IS into sex/oral etc just not with me....or she has found someone like herself; uniterested in sex, smokes and for whom discussing 'House' is more interesting and important than keeping abreast of current affairs!


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

Ha, ha, you're mad. Here's to a short but sweet life, some people never learn. Happy ducking xxx


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## ChristianGrey (Nov 27, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> what if you tape a cigarette to your d!ck?


Reminds me of a joke...

2 old ladies are at a bus stop and smoking and it starts to rain. 1 of the old ladies takes out a condom and puts it on her cigarette and keeps smoking. The other one was quite impressed with that improvisation.

So later on she's at a pharmacy and asks the guy for a packet of condoms. The sales assistant asks "any particular type or brand?" and she replies "Well, I don't mind as long as it fits a Camel."


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

If she smokes she'll definitely be up for it, they'll do anything for a packet of ****. So you're probably onto a winner, be careful not to get burnt though. Protect and stay safe xxx


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*That's a classic, Christian!

Gives a whole new meaning to the term "safe smoking!"*


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

john117 said:


> Make that an e-cig. Unless Trojan makes Nomex fabric condoms.
> 
> Do not try this at home... Repeat...


*Maybe Trojan can successfully manufacture one of those "cigarette protectors" that will simply "blow your hair back!"

Now that ought to make their stock go up ... among other things!
Makes me really wonder if smoking can give one an erection ~ well, I guess that it would be OK just as long as it wasn't my wife!*


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening askari
Didn't see that coming - well actually I think everyone was assuming it was your wife....

Please think about your attitude toward your wife. You seem to view her as someone no one else would ever want and that is a very sad situation. 

From they way you phrased the question, it sounds like you ARE concerned about her cheating. Maybe she isn't giving you the affection you want - and you are worried she is giving it to someone else?


Maybe you can repair all this. Maybe you can view here again as the (I assume) desirable woman that you married. Maybe that will cause her to respond in kind. Where you are now sounds unhappy. 







askari said:


> OK...I'll be honest...the person I describe is my wife.
> (snip)


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Once you're checked out you see the negatives only. That's how it works.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Personally I've been amazed at some of the affair partners I've known about. Often times it seems they are not as attractive as the cheaters spouse. Maybe it's availability, maybe it's personality...who knows...but the reality is affair partners are often not a step up.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

They're usually a step up from the cheater's perspective though. The POSOM/POSOW fills some kind of need for the cheater in their mind. It might not just be physical.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Maritimeguy
Physical attractiveness has very little to do with how much fun it is to spend time with someone - or even to have sex with them. 




MaritimeGuy said:


> Personally I've been amazed at some of the affair partners I've known about. Often times it seems they are not as attractive as the cheaters spouse. Maybe it's availability, maybe it's personality...who knows...but the reality is affair partners are often not a step up.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

That was kind of my point. It's more about the connection than anything. The OP can't assume because his wife is unattractive to him that there isn't potentially someone out there who she could connect with.


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

Mine left me for a newer model, not a great looker by any means. I can't say I am..but, when I told a mutual friend she was 18yrs younger, he seemed surprised, told me she must have had one heck of a paper round as a kid. Apparently, she's good in the saddle, loves her bike. Batten down the hatches xxx


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Every time I've either seen or met someone's AP it's been a WTF moment.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

askari said:


> Guys, without going into the rights and wrongs of it etc......IF you were going to have an affair with or a relationship with a married woman, would you do/have it with a;
> 
> 50 yr old woman who still has a reasonable body, is not thin or fat but about right, smokes 20 a day and has cigarette breath all the time, does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway.
> 
> ...


There's a funny thing that happens to women like this that decide to have an affair.

When they find the right willing stud...

Suddenly they use mouthwash, get really into kissing passionately, love to go down on new mr studly, and then pound him into next week.

Attraction is what it is.

Just because she's this way with you, doesn't mean she might not be different with someone else.

I've seen this close up and personal with an ex wife... who hated sex... that was happily screwing someone else...

Until that got boring, too, of course.

Dudes are the same way.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Interesting responses! Thank-you.

Marduk - my wife has never been into 'anything' sexual even during our 'heady' dating time. When we met, she was a virgin.
We rented a small farm house in France very early on....swimming oppl, middle of nowhere - nearest neigbours were 2 miles away - I tried to get us to have sex outside...she refused.
So I doubt very much if she is interested or indeed capable of doing a complete U turn and being highly sexual or oral with Mr Studly!

I sometimes think that I would actually LIKE her to have an affair but for the man to kick her into touch when he finds out about her attitude towards sex etc. It might ('might') get her to wake up and smell the coffee....and start asking herself why I am still around....and maybe thinking that when the children leave home so will I - those are my current plans.

Richard - you suggest that I think about my attitude towards my wife. A very valid point....but I have always believed in treating others how you would like to be treated yourself and also that it takes two to tango.
I was brought up in a very 'traditional' family....respecting others, opening doors for women, giving your seat up for a woman or elderly person, being aware of other peoples feelings etc.

I see marriage as a team - you each have your 'responsibilities' to make the marriage/home work. On the 'operational' front I see it as my job to make sure my and my wives car is insured, serviced etc, that the fire wood is chopped, the grass cut, the bills paid etc Her responsibilities are to do the food shopping, take the dog to the vet etc. If we both take our responsibilities seriously and actually do them the whole thing works, if either one of us doesn't do their 'share' things start to fall apart and resentment starts building.
On the personal front there SHOULD be such a thing as a free lunch with your wife. 
If I have a stiff neck and want it massaged and ask my wife I do not expect my wife, as she does, to say 'only if you massage my feet'... 'Conditions' have no place in a marriage.
I still massage her feet but havent asked her for anything for years.
If I want a massage I go to a sports clinic and pay. If I want a foot massage I go for a pedicure etc.

Husbands and wifes should look after and understand each other sexually. If I want sex 4 times a week and my wife wants it once a month we should meet at say once a week. 
Or if I am really horny my wife should perhaps offer to give me a HJ instead just as I have to accept that sometimes (like 99%) she just isnt interested.
Our MC gave her an article written by a Australian female professor that explained what sex means to men...its how we bond, its what makes us male etc. It was a very interesting article. She read it then threw it away saying that it was clearly written by a man who wanted more sex. 

When you have had years of rejection, being called a sex maniac because I want sex more than maybe 6x a year or being accused of being a sexual deviant because I like and want a BJ...well slowly it wears you down.

You start to lose respect for the person, you start withdrawing, detatching emotionally etc.

Thats where I am now...we still live together, we still sleep in the bed (7ft x 7ft) bed but there is no longer any emotional attachment.

On the rare occasion my wife does come on to me neither my mind or body can perform...because I no longer see her as sexual.

I started this thread really just to see what people would say....If I were starting to have an affair with someone who wasn't into physical sex or enjoyed giving and receiving oral, I would end it there and then.

Sorry for such a lengthy post!


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

Smoking kills, so the local bacon curer tells me. I've had dealings with heavy smokers, hearts of gold until they run out, different kettle of fish altogether. They also have a knack of running out of steam, they'd never last the full 90 minutes. I'd leave her sitting on the bench, limbering up, she'll thank you for it in the long run. What to wear, funny sort of weather xxx


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

askari, nobody wants to be a quitter, but each of us has to decide how much of their life they want to waste on a relationship that only benefits just one of the people involved.
If you are getting nothing from your marriage except the privilege of financing it, you are wasting your time,
Been there.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

On financing....ummm....call me a mercenary for this but mid last year we met up with my sister in law and her husband...
My wifes parents own a farmhouse and afew acres in the rolling hills of a western European country...the discussion turned to what would happen when their parents died (currently 80 and 78).

My brother in law and I were firing off a few suggestions until both sisters turned to us and said...'this is our inheritance and has nothing to do with you'. We were both taken aback because whatever our wives inherit goes into the communal 'pot'. 
If my wife died before me, unless she has a will, all her possessions come to me...if we get divorced her 'wealth' as well as mine goes into the pot.

It was a clear case of whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine.

Oh OK. Fortunately my inheritance will be worth 10x hers but my parents have done their will in such a way that she won't get any of it....but neither will I until after we divorce (if).

That comment made it perfectly clear where my brother in law and I stood.

- I'm allowed to hijack my own thread!!!!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

askari said:


> My brother in law and I were firing off a few suggestions until both sisters turned to us and said...'this is our inheritance and has nothing to do with you'. We were both taken aback because whatever our wives inherit goes into the communal 'pot'.
> If my wife died before me, unless she has a will, all her possessions come to me...*if we get divorced her 'wealth' as well as mine goes into the pot*.
> 
> It was a clear case of whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine.
> ...


So, your wife's inheritance is yours, and your inheritance is yours. And you think that your wife imagining that her inheritance might actually be hers, is a clear case of your wife being a greedy b1tch. 

Fascinating.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Rowan, I see what you are getting at. 
As I understand law, if one partner inherits property etc then divorces their spouse, eveything from BOTH sides goes into the pot. Neither can say 'but this is MINE, I inherited it'. It all goes into the pot.

I hadn't really thought about it much until the two sisters told us quite categorically that their inheritance ws theirs and nothing to do with us....got me thinking. I will inherit half (I have one sibling) of my parents wealth. If I die my wife will have a claim on it...if we divorce then my inheritance (substantial) will also have to go into the pot. Except now it won't. It goes into a trust fund for our children.

So if her inheritance is hers, then mine will be mine...and if I die first, MY inheritance will go to our children, not her.

I guess what really gets me on this is that when we have been having a financially rough time it has been my parents who have helped us out; 'what you get now you don't get later'. 
My parents have worked hard all their lives and have done very well so are in the position where they can help. We are very fortunate.
My wifes parents who although aren't in the same financial position but get a new Volvo every two years, have two houses etc have never once put their hand in their pocket to help us out when we've been in the $hit. My wife has always thought it was MY parents responsibility to help us out.

I have pride....I have always hated having to go to my parents (fortunately it hasnt happened often) asking for help. My wife always refused to ask her parents.

Then to be told in plain and simple English that anything my wifes parents left her was nothing to do with me...???

Its like her saying; 'I'll happily take anything your parents give us, but anything my parents give me is mine'.

Some of you may have read a previous thread/post....my wife turned 50 last year...she always wanted to go to New York....business is a bit (understatement!) down at the moment...the present my parents gave her was the trip to NY - including 2 x 8hr flights. I turned 50 nine months later and didn't even get an email from her parents.
When I passed a comment to my wife her response was along the lines of 'they forgot'.
My wife couldn't even be bothered to remind her parents. 

I know I shouldn't let it bother me....but when my parents have helped my wife and I so much then I get told basically 'whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine' it grates.

Oh, finally....my parents gave me some money for my 50th....am I going to Thailand? Maldives? Mexico? No....its going towards having a new roof on OUR house.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

askari said:


> Rowan, I see what you are getting at.
> 
> As I understand law, if one partner inherits property etc then divorces their spouse, eveything from BOTH sides goes into the pot. Neither can say 'but this is MINE, I inherited it'. It all goes into the pot.
> 
> ...



In the USA some states are community property (above) and some are "equitable" distribution.

In any case if the asset just showed up recently before the asset owning spouse croaked then the court could decide it's not going to be distributed as a regular asset.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I'm talking European law.


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## Leobwin (Apr 28, 2012)

askari said:


> does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway


Just because she won't do these things with you, does not mean she isn't a wild animal with other lovers.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Leobwin said:


> Just because she won't do these things with you, does not mean she isn't a wild animal with other lovers.



For some women, yes. The majority of LD's in TAM are general LD's not specific to a person based on the two years I've been here. At least that's what it looks to me.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Make a list.

In column A, list all the stuff you wish your wife would do.

In column B, list all the stuff your wife wished you would do.

See if any of it correlates. From her mindset.

You can only influence her. And that's only when the marriage is strong.

But what you can do is control yourself.


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## micawber (Oct 8, 2014)

No. The smoking thing would be a deal breaker. But if she took dip, then...


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I already have a nonsmoker who doesn't do oral this would be a step down. contemplating a cheating relationship is not in my nature, but trading down seems even less attractive.

Not fantasy material.

MN


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> I already have a nonsmoker who doesn't do oral this would be a step down. contemplating a cheating relationship is not in my nature, but trading down seems even less attractive.
> 
> Not fantasy material.
> 
> MN


I understand what you're saying, but from what I see "affairing down" seems more common than not.

Askari, why is your mind going down this road? It seems like you have a choice between working to save the marriage, working to end it, or glumly accepting the status quo. I don't understand why you've posed the question, unless you have anything else to go on. It just seems like a distraction from the harder choices you need to make, unless you'd kind of like to find her in an affair if for no other reason than to make hard choices easier.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

A smoking, non-kissing, non-sexual mate is called a friend not a lover. Sounds like someone you would have over for a beer with the wife, assuming you didn't mind you house smelling like an ashtray for a day or so. 

The smoking alone would probably, but not certainly, put her out of the running but definetly the non-kssing and non-oral sex. If she has gotten to that age and is still all "icky" about sex then I don't see any point in even attempting it.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

My wife knows nothing of TAM....I only access from the office.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If I was going to risk my marriage you can be damned sure I'm getting my **** sucked in the process.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

askari said:


> 50 yr old woman who still has a reasonable body, is not thin or fat but about right, smokes 20 a day and has cigarette breath all the time, does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway.


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## homerjay (Dec 12, 2014)

askari said:


> Guys, without going into the rights and wrongs of it etc......IF you were going to have an affair with or a relationship with a married woman, would you do/have it with a;
> 
> 50 yr old woman who still has a reasonable body, is not thin or fat but about right, smokes 20 a day and has cigarette breath all the time, does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway.
> 
> ...


Why areyou askingus?

For me, no. Idont like smokers.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

homerjay said:


> Why areyou askingus?
> 
> For me, no. Idont like smokers.



Feedback? I thought thats what forums like this were for....:scratchhead:


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

askari, they were only telling the two of you what the tell each other when the two of you aren't around. Nothing is better that the actual truth.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

askari said:


> Guys, without going into the rights and wrongs of it etc......IF you were going to have an affair with or a relationship with a married woman, would you do/have it with a;
> 
> 50 yr old woman who still has a reasonable body, is not thin or fat but about right, smokes 20 a day and has cigarette breath all the time, does not 'do' tongue kissing and refuses to give any form of oral sex - not even a quick kiss on your balls and in general isn't really into sex anyway.
> 
> ...


No oral?

Dealbreaker...


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

There was a time when I would have liked one of her female friends to say something like 'geez, you don't like making out with him, you don't give him oral?....Either he's gay or plain stupid to stay with you.

hey...if I was gay I might tet head..... Yuk. Nah. S T U P I D!


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