# What to do?



## unhappy1 (Apr 17, 2012)

I need your thoughts. My wife and I have much differant levels of comfort when it comes to sex. I have very few boundries and I have told her throughout our 15 years of marraige that I would do anything she needed to please her. My problem is that it hasnt been recipricated. She feels awkward discussing sex. Lights off. Oral is as wild as it gets. Our relationship hasnt been without problems. I feel as if I didnt marry the same person that I dated. She was much more willing to explore then. I was told for 15 years that I was the only person who had ever gone down on her. I found out this past Valentines day that that wasnt quite true, there had been many others. I feel VERY hurt and betrayed! This isnt the first time she has lied about her past, as a matter of fact one of many, but more importantly I thought it was the one "first" that we shared. I used to love going down on her but now cant bring myself to do it. She doesnt understand when I try to discuss it with her and just says she sorry and doesnt know why she lied. What do I do about her consistant dishonesty. We have 2 kids together 9, 13 who would be devistated with a divorce.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I can understand your resentment, you've been lied to for 15+ years... even if by omission. You owe it to yourself, your wife, and your kids to give try and get past this.

This resentment will not pass w/o working on it actively. The longer you let it linger the greater the risk that your wife will begin to build resent (she may already have started a bit).

Get some counselling professional if you can afford it find someone wise to talk to (friend, family member, religious figurehead, etc.). 

Before you do though ask yourself, does her past before your marriage change the fact that the woman you fell in love with and married is still very much a part of your life? I know her lie stings, but in the end what good will your resentment and frustration do? What harm can it cause?


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## Browneyedgurl020610 (Apr 18, 2012)

I understand being lied to majorly sucks. Maybe she was ashamed or embarrassed by it? That's a pretty long time to keep lying about it though. And from what you are saying she has lied way more then once about certain things.

As far as the sex thing goes, I haven't been married 15 years nor do I have kids, but maybe that could be an issue? Maybe she just doesn't have the energy at the moment. Her sex drive could be down. Either way counseling would be very beneficial for all of this. I think you too can get past this. You love her and 15 years is an awful long time. Try counseling and hopefully that helps. Good luck!

Ps. People change over time so she probably isn't the same person you married, but that doesn't make her a bad person either.


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## unhappy1 (Apr 17, 2012)

More than her just changing. She even lies about stupid thing. She just changed her facebook saying she studied at a particular school that she never went too. WTF???? Maybe I am the only guy out there that thinks its important for a couple to have unique experiences together.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Unhappy,

If it is a sex drive issue, the first place to look would be what type of meds is she on (if any).

Birth control pills and other meds have a way of lowering the drive.

Low testosterone is also another typical culprit

In regards to what she would do when you were dating as opposed to now, for many here it's the same type of story. Sorry!

In regards to her past, I wouldn't put too much stock into because I believe too that she may have been embarassed to admit these things to you 15 years ago and once that she went down this path, there was no turning back.

Lies suck but again this was before you.

Your bigger issue of your sex life and your marriage is where you should be spending your time. Get some type of marriage or sex counseling started. She may need some individual counseling to help her get more comfortable with herself and her body image


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I think she expected you to become detached if the truth came out, and that's why she resisted telling you so long. I could be wrong, but I'd ask her.


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## Browneyedgurl020610 (Apr 18, 2012)

unhappy1 said:


> More than her just changing. She even lies about stupid thing. She just changed her facebook saying she studied at a particular school that she never went too. WTF???? Maybe I am the only guy out there that thinks its important for a couple to have unique experiences together.


I may be way off but maybe she has become a habitual liar? Sometimes some people lie and then believe in there own lies because they want them to be true. Either way she may need psychological help.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Browneyedgurl020610 said:


> I may be way off but maybe she has become a habitual liar? Sometimes some people lie and then believe in there own lies because they want them to be true. Either way she may need psychological help.


She may be suffering from low self esteem. The other lies may be designed to puff herself up. I agree with Browneyedgurl that she needs some help.


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