# Husband spiteful towards me



## maggie1385 (2 mo ago)

Hi

I’m trying a 180 method right now to help me to move on. I’ve also filed for divorce. Husband was the one who wanted the divorce last December but he didn’t file.

i was begging and pleading for 3 months, then stopped, then wanted to become his friend(big mistake) and now finally trying to move on.
But we have a child together so we need to communicate. And whenever we do he’s trying to make me pay ( maybe or my emotional affair that I disclosed and seeked reconciliation but he never wanted it or maybe for the fact that he felt unappreciated for the past two years and stopped loving me long ago and a lot of other things he keeps telling me..or maybe for me disclosing his affair and going on dating sites to other people which he hated and even spit on me for doing it since he wanted to paint a perfect picture of him in front of his and our friends)
So my question is, why is he so vindicative? How do I make sure I detach from it? It affects me greatly.
i don’t talk with him about any other things other than our daughter but he still finds way to make me suffer.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You don't have the power to make him change his behavior. You are going to have to learn to just ignore him and at least Don't show him when you are upset. Obviously he feeds on getting to you so don't give him that satisfaction Change how you react to it or just don't react to it or just get off the phone. Don't reward his behavior with more attention.

I hope you make sure he has a children 50% of the time so that maybe he can be too busy to worry about being vindictive to you And that will give you a break as well. Just divide it up where he's got him half the time because that is the norm if you're in the United States which I don't know that you are. And even if he's not used to having them he will just have to get used to it and they will still have their mother and father just as much as they did before And not miss either one of you And he will have no reason to go around complaining to people that you stole a children from him or any of that stuff so you just give him his children his share the time and get yourself a life back and work and be social and he'll send stop letting him pull your strings because that's all he's doing.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

It’s hard to say why. But, I’ve noticed in divorces, there’s sometimes this need that some people have to look like it wasn’t their fault. As though the whole world is judging them based on their divorce. I think he might be one of those types. You don’t sound compatible, so I think your future will likely be brighter without him/this marriage.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

maggie1385 said:


> Hi
> 
> I’m trying a 180 method right now to help me to move on. I’ve also filed for divorce. Husband was the one who wanted the divorce last December but he didn’t file.
> 
> ...


Sheesh, you guys are hard on each other with both of you having affairs.

The best way to move forward is to never see him.
Set up a 3rd party for child handoffs and tell him to only communicate with you via email about your child (unless it's a real emergency).

No contact. That's the best way for both of you to recover in my opinion.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Stop caring what he thinks or does. Only talk about your daughter. Move forward toward your happiness.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Take control of your situation. This guy is a loser. It's too bad you created a child with him. Hopefully he will grow up and be a good father.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

In the beginning, Maggie obeyed the rules, he didn't.
Now, it is, _Maggie may,_ or may not obey the rules, that he discarded.

Maggie didn't, now he wants them honored and reinstated.
Maggie, move on, find another who will obey, never that may.


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

honestly from what you say he was having his cake an eating it too. when you finally put your foot down and showed him you deserve better and outed him to everyone he now lost everything and is mad. he sounds very selfish and self absorbed . you will be better off without him . i just hope your daughter doesn't suffer to much from this


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

email is a wonderful thing. 

When you have to communicate something official having to do with the divorce or your daughter, you send it in an concise, objective email without any emotion or insults or slander. 

Emails are discoverable, legal documents that document that you communicated. 

You can state that all communication shall be via email, or in text if there is some kind of emergency, or through your lawyer. 

If he emails you, you can determine which topics you will and which you will not respond to. If he emails something legitimate about the kids, you can respond to it. If he emails about what a crappy wife or bad person you are, you can save it for documentation but not respond to it. 

If he emails back threats, refusals, slander etc, it is a document that can be submitted to the court. 

If he tries to call you or see you in person, you simply do not answer the call or answer the door. 

If he shows up on yourstep demanding to see you, call the police and report harassment. 

If he does it again or starts making threats, file for a restraining order. 

If he does it after that, call the police and report a restraining order violation.


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