# Can you get off without porn?



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

A technical question. About literally being able to get off without it (when masturbating).

Does your spank bank and your hands give you enough stimulation to get off?

I know many would prefer and do choose to use porn, my question is not about that but rather if you can get off if you don’t have it (but you do obviously have your spank bank).


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Oh yeah. Sometimes I like to dream up scenarios and play them out in my head instead if jerking to porn. You have to have a wide arsenal. It sets the normalbaters apart from the masterbaters.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> A technical question. About literally being able to get off without it (when masturbating).
> 
> Does your spank bank and your hands give you enough stimulation to get off?
> 
> I know many would prefer and do choose to use porn, my question is not about that but rather if you can get off if you don’t have it (but you do obviously have your spank bank).


A while since it has been an issue, but I could absolutely.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Yes but definitely not as fast or as easily.....certainly not the preferred way


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

No real connection between the two for me. Never has been.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

You tell us.

https://www.bustle.com/p/women-actu...than-men-heres-what-it-is-were-watching-63850


Edited to add.

In some cases the old adage is true...."whatever a man can do, a woman can to better"


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

OnTheFly said:


> You tell us.
> 
> https://www.bustle.com/p/women-actu...than-men-heres-what-it-is-were-watching-63850


I’ve actually argued this point here for years, as men assured me over and over that I was wrong.

If you’re asking me directly, no I don’t need porn to get off. But I like it sometimes to change things up. 

The type of porn I like is shocking to some people and when I enter a new relationship, we discuss our porn tastes. I don’t want to be with someone who would freak the F out if he found my stash.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

OnTheFly said:


> You tell us.
> 
> https://www.bustle.com/p/women-actu...than-men-heres-what-it-is-were-watching-63850
> 
> ...


I gotta say, I'd not heard the euphemism "flicking the bean" before. That conjures up some very tasty mental imagery all by itself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Nope. I have a good imagination and the kinky stuff I think about is way better than anything that could be executed with porn.

The story is important to me however and I know a lot of men just like a visual.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

> "The type of porn I like is shocking to some people and when I enter a new relationship, we discuss our porn tastes. I don’t want to be with someone who would freak the F out if he found my stash."


You know it's unfair to post that kind of comment and then leave us hanging! Us TAM folks are a curious bunch.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

No need. And I find it’s generally quicker without porn, no need rewind or find the perfect scene that will do it for me at that moment.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cooper said:


> You know it's unfair to post that kind of comment and then leave us hanging! Us TAM folks are a curious bunch.


You first!

My point is of course that women have devastatingly dirty minds and so of course our porn is sometimes truly depraved and unspeakable in common company.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> You first!
> 
> My point is of course that women have devastatingly dirty minds and so of course our porn is sometimes truly depraved and unspeakable in common company.


I hope this information does become more readily accepted and isn't used for shaming or abuse.

I was fortunate enough to have a lot of experience and insight into real female sexuality which is wonderful but often crushed or abused do to ignorance.

Women taught me far more than I ever taught them.

I have tried to explain a couple things about female sexuality here but usually get labelled an alpha or Chad.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Don't need it at all. Its just a source of new ideas / fantasies.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Nope. I have a good imagination and the kinky stuff I think about is way better than anything that could be executed with porn.
> 
> The story is important to me however and I know a lot of men just like a visual.


I had a female friend who confessed a well tuned fantasy to me, I was sort of freaked out by it later and made a “note to self, stop her from talking if she ever goes down that road again”.

It was about her husbands best friend. She was super hot for him but she could not fantasize about him unless she...get this...first fantasized that her husband had died. :surprise:

She would imagine his death in some kind of accident, then imagine all the grief of a widow, imagine crying and imagine the funeral and the aftermath and so on, very detailed. And THEN after imagining that months had passed, she could imagine her dead husbands bff coming to comfort her and “it just happened”. From there she imagined passionate sex with him, guilt free.

I was like, shocked and she did not understand why. :|


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Yes, without any difficulty. 




Faithful Wife said:


> A technical question. About literally being able to get off without it (when masturbating).
> 
> Does your spank bank and your hands give you enough stimulation to get off?
> 
> I know many would prefer and do choose to use porn, my question is not about that but rather if you can get off if you don’t have it (but you do obviously have your spank bank).


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I hope this information does become more readily accepted and isn't used for shaming or abuse.
> 
> I was fortunate enough to have a lot of experience and insight into real female sexuality which is wonderful but often crushed or abused do to ignorance.
> 
> ...


Over the coming years, there will be an equal number of HD women with LD men coming around (to the number of HD men) and it will just continue to become self evident. Also there will be more “I found her porn stash and I’m hurt and freaked out” posts.

On this post, I am mainly curious about the physical workings of the O. 

Women are welcome to answer as well...do you “need” anything, porn, a vibrator, etc. to get off when you masturbate?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Oh definitely...i have enough in my head (the one on my shoulders) to get off the other one for several life times. which is why i am not leaving my brain to science, for fear of corrupting the youth of the tomorrow.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> I had a female friend who confessed a well tuned fantasy to me, I was sort of freaked out by it later and made a “note to self, stop her from talking if she ever goes down that road again”.
> 
> It was about her husbands best friend. She was super hot for him but she could not fantasize about him unless she...get this...first fantasized that her husband had died. :surprise:
> 
> ...


Yeah that’s unbelievable all right. 
Why would she wait months.........?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> The type of porn I like is shocking to some people and when I enter a new relationship, we discuss our porn tastes. I don’t want to be with someone who would freak the F out if he found my stash.


My curiosity overflows. Fess up >



Faithful Wife said:


> I had a female friend who confessed a well tuned fantasy to me, I was sort of freaked out by it later and made a “note to self, stop her from talking if she ever goes down that road again”.
> 
> It was about her husbands best friend. She was super hot for him but she could not fantasize about him unless she...get this...first fantasized that her husband had died. :surprise:
> 
> ...


Geez. I hope you told her husband.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BioFury said:


> Geez. I hope you told her husband.


Omg, no way. It was too sickening to repeat. I was not in any way close to him, we would have never discussed such a thing.

I did once in awhile wonder if she wanted him dead......? It just didn’t make sense to me. If you want to have a quick fantasy about your hubby’s BFF, just do it, you don’t have to imagine hubby dead first! So odd.

I’m sure her hubby had no issue having fantasies about her friends or whoever and didn’t have to kill her off in his head first?!

So weird.

As for my preferences...can’t tell, it’s much better as a mystery anyway. 

Just know that many women watch much weirder and dirtier stuff than most guys assume.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Women are welcome to answer as well...do you “need” anything, porn, a vibrator, etc. to get off when you masturbate?


No, I just imagine myself leaving my husband's funeral and hooking up with some hot guy. 

Sorry, couldn't resist!!! :grin2:


Gotta say...that's the most disturbing fantasy I've heard of, but I guess in a way it makes a little sense. Even in her fantasies she can't cheat on her husband. So there's that.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> As for my preferences...can’t tell, it’s much better as a mystery anyway.
> 
> Just know that many women watch much weirder and dirtier stuff than most guys assume.


As in, you actually want to do the stuff you watch?

Or you just find an aspect of it erotic?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

notmyjamie said:


> No, I just imagine myself leaving my husband's funeral and hooking up with some hot guy.
> 
> Sorry, couldn't resist!!! :grin2:
> 
> ...


That’s what she said when I expressed shock. She said she just could not mentally bring herself to be aroused if she felt like she was betraying him. So that’s how she came up with this work around. I was like, I’m pretty sure he would rather you fantasize about porking his friend than fantasizing about him being dead, but whatever!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BioFury said:


> As in, you actually want to do the stuff you watch?
> 
> Or you just find an aspect of it erotic?


Want to do some of it (mostly have done), literally impossible to do some of it, most of it is mainly for visual and mental fun.


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## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Women are welcome to answer as well...do you “need” anything, porn, a vibrator, etc. to get off when you masturbate?


I don't 'need' porn to masturbate, but orgasms are much stronger with porn (solo porn is better that solo sex toy for me, combo is best :grin2.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I can't. I need porn with a storyline, if it goes right to a banging scene it does nothing for me. 

I also had a friend who said his girlfriend had a fantasy about him being killed off in a car crash, illness, whatever, then screwing someone else who comforted her. So she's not alone in that weirdness.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

bobert said:


> I also had a friend who said his girlfriend had a fantasy about him being killed off in a car crash, illness, whatever, then screwing someone else who comforted her. So she's not alone in that weirdness.



I have to say...I had my suspicions that this fantasy may exist, but it is still one of the most disturbing fantasies to hear about for me...
The details...and people wonder why more men watch porn than women? Which men can come up with such refined detail in their own mind?
Wowzer.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Women aren't the only ones who have dead spouse fantasies. 

Even former presidents.... :laugh:


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

bobert said:


> I can't. I need porn with a storyline, if it goes right to a banging scene it does nothing for me.
> 
> I also had a friend who said his girlfriend had a fantasy about him being killed off in a car crash, illness, whatever, then screwing someone else who comforted her. So she's not alone in that weirdness.


Did that bother him??? I think it would bother me to know my husband fantasized about my death.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> Did that bother him??? I think it would bother me to know my husband fantasized about my death.


He shared that after they broke up, as part of the breakup story, so I'd say yes.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> My point is of course that women have devastatingly dirty minds and so of course our porn is sometimes truly depraved and unspeakable in common company.


For me, as a woman, things I read in erotica or stories in my imagination are beyond hot, beyond depraved. On occasions when I have tried to next level it by watching a video of the acts it has not turned out well. Seeing the actual execution of the fantasy is a lady boner killer. Just gross.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Bluesclues said:


> For me, as a woman, things I read in erotica or stories in my imagination are beyond hot, beyond depraved. On occasions when I have tried to next level it by watching a video of the acts it has not turned out well. Seeing the actual execution of the fantasy is a lady boner killer. Just gross.


Yes, it doesn’t work to go from spank bank to visual porn for me either. No one ever makes the beautiful, depraved stuff that goes on in my mind. And yes, the ideas and porn that pop up when you try to look for key words are just gross.

However, a snippet of something in porn - even if it wasn’t something that great - can sometimes become the seed of a whole ongoing series of mental porn for me.

I don’t read erotica, just haven’t been able to connect that way of arousal with my body. I’m super happy for all the people who love it that there are zillions of options now.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I would say yes and no. I need some sort of visual stimulation. Many times my imagination is perfectly fine for the visuals. However, there are times where that is not enough, I might get distracted or my mind is elsewhere. In a case like this, I will eventually lose interest, so having external visual stimulation (such as porn) will help me get over the edge.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Spank bank? 😆 My vocabulary just increased.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> I had a female friend who confessed a well tuned fantasy to me, I was sort of freaked out by it later and made a “note to self, stop her from talking if she ever goes down that road again”.
> 
> It was about her husbands best friend. She was super hot for him but she could not fantasize about him unless she...get this...first fantasized that her husband had died. :surprise:
> 
> ...


I seem to recall that type of fantasy as a plot point in some sitcom, Seinfeld or Drew Carey Show, one like that.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

AandM said:


> I seem to recall that type of fantasy as a plot point in some sitcom, Seinfeld or Drew Carey Show, one like that.


On Seinfeld, i know George used the sympathy card from a dead fiance to date lol


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## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

I like it better with, but if I'm in the shower or something I can pull something out of the memory bank and stroke away.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> On Seinfeld, i know George used the sympathy card from a dead fiance to date lol


Didn't she die from liking toxic stamps for their wedding invites?

On second thought, I think that it was from one of those fat-slob-married-to-hot-chick sitcoms. Probably King of Queens. Just the fact that it is a plot point means that it's probably pretty common. Also, I think that the recently widowed device in the plot is used because it is a new _relationship_, albeit with a big sexual component, that is being fantasized about. It doesn't work as masturbation material if the idea of screwing around turns you off. It was an accident, after all. It's not as if _she_ killed him >.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

My masturbation material, much like my masturbatory technique, is ambidextrous. I can finish either way.

To end that lovely image on a good note, let it not be said that I never think of my exes fondly. Really fondly.:grin2:


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> A technical question. About literally being able to get off without it (when masturbating).
> 
> Does your spank bank and your hands give you enough stimulation to get off?
> 
> I know many would prefer and do choose to use porn, my question is not about that but rather if you can get off if you don’t have it (but you do obviously have your spank bank).


Porn is not needed. 

However, there is porn and then there is porn. I am a 70 year old guy and viewing the young bodies of 20-somethings just doesn't do it like it did when I was 40 to 50 years younger. I now prefer porn that features women over 40 and actually I prefer "grannies" over 60. Seeing a video or photo of a really hot older women can really set things off.

I actually find explicit erotic stories as or more stimulating than photos. My imagination and memory of kinky past situations is enough for most situations.

Please don't interpret this in any way as men not needing porn on occasion, as variety is the spice of life.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I’ve actually argued this point here for years, as men assured me over and over that I was wrong.
> 
> If you’re asking me directly, no I don’t need porn to get off. But I like it sometimes to change things up.
> 
> The type of porn I like is shocking to some people and when I enter a new relationship, we discuss our porn tastes. I don’t want to be with someone who would freak the F out if he found my stash.


Midgets?
Giant "members"?

Ahh, midgets WITH giant members.

As to the original question, not required but can help sometimes.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> A technical question. About literally being able to get off without it (when masturbating).
> 
> Does your spank bank and your hands give you enough stimulation to get off?
> 
> I know many would prefer and do choose to use porn, my question is not about that but rather if you can get off if you don’t have it (but you do obviously have your spank bank).


Yes, for I am a Grandmaster. Or is it Grandmastur? 

Either way, I'm extremely proficient.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> Porn is not needed.
> 
> However, there is porn and then there is porn. I am a 70 year old guy and viewing the young bodies of 20-somethings just doesn't do it like it did when I was 40 to 50 years younger. I now prefer porn that features women* over 40* and actually I prefer "grannies" over 60. Seeing a video or photo of a really hot older women can really set things off.
> 
> ...


Really? I read something a few months ago, but I can’t find where , that stated regardless of a guys age the age of a woman they find most sexually appealing is between 20-26. I have seen people here defend a position similar which I still think is nonsense. I certainly find younger women physically attractive but not as sexually appealing as when I was younger. Mostly because I find people of that age group annoying. As I have aged I need more than just the physical for my sexual partner.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The idea of sexual activity with someone young enough to be my daughter is a bit creepy to me. Ok for others if it floats their boats. 





Wolf1974 said:


> Really? I read something a few months ago, but I can’t find where , that stated regardless of a guys age the age of a woman they find most sexually appealing is between 20-26. I have seen people here defend a position similar which I still think is nonsense. I certainly find younger women physically attractive but not as sexually appealing as when I was younger. Mostly because I find people of that age group annoying. As I have aged I need more than just the physical for my sexual partner.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

uhtred said:


> The idea of sexual activity with someone young enough to be my daughter is a bit creepy to me. Ok for others if it floats their boats.


Wait till you get even older and they are the age of your granddaughter........that is really creepy!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> Wait till you get even older and they are the age of your granddaughter........that is really creepy!



A lot of them are the age of my mother. And some of them, the age of my wife...Is that creepy too?? I can’t tell, too busy with my hands..


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

uhtred said:


> The idea of sexual activity with someone young enough to be my daughter is a bit creepy to me. Ok for others if it floats their boats.


I'm 35 and I don't get the whole "barely 18" stuff. Fine if you are a kid, but someone my age? Gross! Thats some pedo stuff right there. 

Some of my co-workers are younger, like 19 and 21, and they can't believe I don't find girls like Ariana Grande or Selena Gomez attractive. I just tell them "if you have a 35 year old uncle or something who thinks they are hot, keep them away from your daughters and nieces." And it sorta clicked for them after that. 

I mean there's lots of pretty young girls. But I see them as pretty. Certainly not sexy or attractive.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I'm 35 and I don't get the whole "barely 18" stuff. Fine if you are a kid, but someone my age? Gross! Thats some pedo stuff right there.
> 
> Some of my co-workers are younger, like 19 and 21, and they can't believe I don't find girls like Ariana Grande or Selena Gomez attractive. I just tell them "if you have a 35 year old uncle or something who thinks they are hot, keep them away from your daughters and nieces." And it sorta clicked for them after that.
> 
> I mean there's lots of pretty young girls. But I see them as pretty. Certainly not sexy or attractive.


Yup, there is a huge difference between acknowledging someone as pretty and someone who is sexy/attractive


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think there is even a difference between thinking someone is sexually attractive in an abstract way, and actually wanting to fantasize about sex with them.

Again, as long as everyone is overage and consenting, I have no problem with what other people are attracted to. 



EllisRedding said:


> Yup, there is a huge difference between acknowledging someone as pretty and someone who is sexy/attractive


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

uhtred said:


> I think there is even a difference between thinking someone is sexually attractive in an abstract way, and actually wanting to fantasize about sex with them.



True dat. I often even notice how attractive some men can be. Sometimes even without fantasising of wanting to also please them, orally. In an abstract way...

You can’t control your thoughts, just as you can’t control your erections. Or thoughts about erections. 



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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

For me it depends on my mood I guess. I would say its about half porn and half my own fantasies. But as disappointing as this may sound. I have an awfully hard time fantasizing about someone I have never been with when I am flying solo. I can certainly "imagine" what it would be like to be with Charlize Theron, but doing that doesn't really do much for me. Its just not "real" enough. Maybe because I know it would never happen :rofl: So I tend to replay some of the hotter moments of whomever I am with, or even someone from my past in my head. I also keep all the pics and/or videos that my exes sent me. I mean just because the relationship didn't work it doesn't mean that the sex part of it was bad. It usually ended for other reasons. I once had a girlfriend admit to me that she was still using one of the videos I sent her to masturbate to. I could only laugh because I was doing the same to videos she sent. Every relationship is different. We would always try and one up each other. Too bad we didn't have much in common other than that. I hope she will be the one and only Trump supporter I ever have sex with LoL. By the time I found out it was too late...we were already a couple.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

ReformedHubby said:


> For me it depends on my mood I guess. I would say its about half porn and half my own fantasies. But as disappointing as this may sound. I have an awfully hard time fantasizing about someone I have never been with when I am flying solo. I can certainly "imagine" what it would be like to be with Charlize Theron, but doing that doesn't really do much for me. Its just not "real" enough. Maybe because I know it would never happen :rofl: So I tend to replay some of the hotter moments of whomever I am with, or even someone from my past in my head. I also keep all the pics and/or videos that my exes sent me. I mean just because the relationship didn't work it doesn't mean that the sex part of it was bad. It usually ended for other reasons. I once had a girlfriend admit to me that she was still using one of the videos I sent her to masturbate to. I could only laugh because I was doing the same to videos she sent. Every relationship is different. We would always try and one up each other. Too bad we didn't have much in common other than that. I hope she will be the one and only Trump supporter I ever have sex with LoL. By the time I found out it was too late...we were already a couple.


So you're a "reformed" hubby, but you've got pics and vids of all your exes? 

:wtf:


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> So you're a "reformed" hubby, but you've got pics and vids of all your exes?
> 
> :wtf:


Relationship status does change. I haven't been a hubby in over three years. I make no apologies for keeping the pics. They were meant for me. Its also not like I posted them for the world to see. I would never do that, I think its cool that I was trusted enough for them to share that side of themselves with me, and I would never betray that trust.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

ReformedHubby said:


> Relationship status does change. I haven't been a hubby in over three years. I make no apologies for keeping the pics. They were meant for me. Its not like I posted them for the world to see. I would never do that, I think its cool that I was trusted enough for them to share that side of themselves with me.


So you've had that many exes in three years? Or are some of those pics older? 

Would you chuck those pics upon getting into a serious long-term monogamous relationship?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> So you've had that many exes in three years? Or are some of those pics older?
> 
> Would you chuck those pics upon getting into a serious long-term monogamous relationship?


I feel so judged...but I'll answer >. All from within the last three years. The thing is when I am in a relationship that person is pretty much the focal point of all my sexual energy. Its the in between time that I resort to the rolodex of old pics. With that said I don't think I would ever throw them away. In a weird way I see it the same as a woman who keeps the letters from a former lover.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ReformedHubby said:


> I feel so judged...but I'll answer >. All from within the last three years. The thing is when I am in a relationship that person is pretty much the focal point of all my sexual energy. Its the in between time that I resort to the rolodex of old pics. * With that said I don't think I would ever throw them away. In a weird way I see it the same as a woman who keeps the letters from a former lover.*


I actually think the Bolded would make for an interesting separate topic here :wink2:


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

ReformedHubby said:


> I feel so judged...but I'll answer >. All from within the last three years. The thing is when I am in a relationship that person is pretty much the focal point of all my sexual energy. Its the in between time that I resort to the rolodex of old pics. With that said I don't think I would ever throw them away. In a weird way I see it the same as a woman who keeps the letters from a former lover.


I think most of us would not accept our wives keeping letters from a former lover either. I'm confident, should you ever be headed for marriage or even a committed monogamous relationship again, that your SO would not approve of your keeping pics of former lovers.... _especially ones that were explicit or part of a spank library. _


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> ReformedHubby said:
> 
> 
> > I feel so judged...but I'll answer <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_devil.png" border="0" alt="" title="Devil" ></a>. All from within the last three years. The thing is when I am in a relationship that person is pretty much the focal point of all my sexual energy. Its the in between time that I resort to the rolodex of old pics. With that said I don't think I would ever throw them away. In a weird way I see it the same as a woman who keeps the letters from a former lover.
> ...


I don’t know.....it may or may not bother a new lover.

I’m keeping BOTH my intimate pics and vids AND my love letters for the rest of my life, and I don’t care what any guy I’m going to partner up with saves from his past.

Like RH said, I don’t go looking through these things when I’m in a relationship. But they are still precious to me and saved in a special place. They only come out when I’m single (not always then either). They are keepsakes.

Partners of mine have been free to also keep such items so it isn’t a for sure thing that a new partner for RH would care.

I think it would be weird to get rid of all evidence of all exes. My ex h had a few random things in boxes that he never opened. I remember coming across a couple pics of ex girlfriends and thinking “awww, she was cute”. Closed the box and never looked again.

Those were of course before the internet, and the only things I had from exes before meeting him were some old love letters and a couple of PG13 pics. So he and I did not have to face the “are there any digital naked pics of you or exes around”.

Since him, well they all have pics of me, I have pics of them, I don’t ask and don’t tell new people about what old pics I may have. I don’t care what they have either.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> I actually think the Bolded would make for an interesting separate topic here :wink2:


It would...I think some people do keep "trophies" from their former loves at least the ones they liked a lot. I don't think they necessarily divulge it to new partners either. But you are right, you are marked territory. I learned this lesson when it seemed like a new girlfriend, usually goes about systematically replacing the things your previous girlfriend bought you. In either a different color or an updated version. Then they say, well now you can get rid of the old one. I have no issues complying with that, I even understand it. But admittedly I learned if I have something in my house that was given to me by someone else, its probably best I not mention that if I actually want to keep it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t know.....it may or may not bother a new lover.
> 
> I’m keeping BOTH my intimate pics and vids AND my love letters for the rest of my life, and I don’t care what any guy I’m going to partner up with saves from his past.
> 
> ...


Well... you've continually proven to be more open-minded than most.0


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ReformedHubby said:


> It would...I think some people do keep "trophies" from their former loves at least the ones they liked a lot. I don't think they necessarily divulge it to new partners either. But you are right, you are marked territory. I learned this lesson when it seemed like a new girlfriend, usually goes about systematically replacing the things your previous girlfriend bought you. In either a different color or an updated version. Then they say, well now you can get rid of the old one. I have no issues complying with that, I even understand it. But admittedly I learned if I have something in my house that was given to me by someone else, its probably best I not mention that if I actually want to keep it.


What I am wondering as well, this day an age, is the stuff that people may have of their exes a bit more "risque" than in years past where maybe you had a few Polaroids and a VHS tape? Would a phone full of ex nudes or even sex videos be something that should be destroyed once in a relationship with a new person.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t know.....it may or may not bother a new lover.


To be honest it really hasn't ever come up as a topic, so its not like I was even thinking about it. That "treasure chest" also isn't something I visit when I am all excited about a new relationship, so I guess it hasn't really been an issue.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> ReformedHubby said:
> 
> 
> > It would...I think some people do keep "trophies" from their former loves at least the ones they liked a lot. I don't think they necessarily divulge it to new partners either. But you are right, you are marked territory. I learned this lesson when it seemed like a new girlfriend, usually goes about systematically replacing the things your previous girlfriend bought you. In either a different color or an updated version. Then they say, well now you can get rid of the old one. I have no issues complying with that, I even understand it. But admittedly I learned if I have something in my house that was given to me by someone else, its probably best I not mention that if I actually want to keep it.
> ...


Omg you just made me remember that my first ex h may have a vhs tape of us.

I wish I could have it back!! Lol


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Omg you just made me remember that my first ex h may have a vhs tape of us.
> 
> I wish I could have it back!! Lol


Just think though, what are the odds someone finds it and actually has a VCR to play it back :wink2:


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

ReformedHubby said:


> To be honest it really hasn't ever come up as a topic, so its not like I was even thinking about it. That "treasure chest" also isn't something I visit when I am all excited about a new relationship, so I guess it hasn't really been an issue.


That it hasn't come up doesn't mean it's not an issue for your partner (if she was to know). FaithfulWife aside, I'm sure _most _women would expect that, upon entering a serious LTR, that SO would offload naked pics of former lovers. To many, this would be so obvious, that they wouldn't expect to have to bring it up in the first place. Bottom line, just that it hasn't come up shouldn't be used as an assumption that it's okay. If you're going to do that, you need to disclose as in FaithfulWife's example. 

Really, think about it logically....
Many women object to their partner's use of porn.... now what do you think the reaction will be if the porn is a former lover? That's much more threatening, and largely likely to draw a much stronger negative response. I expect many women who would accept some porn use would not accept former lover porn. (I include any not g-rated pics in this category)


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> What I am wondering as well, this day an age, is the stuff that people may have of their exes a bit more "risque" than in years past where maybe you had a few Polaroids and a VHS tape? Would a phone full of ex nudes or even sex videos be something that should be destroyed once in a relationship with a new person.


I think its the same stuff....just more of it...because its so easy to create these days. With that said I did have someone reach out to me and ask me to delete her pics when we decided we weren't going any further. I had no issues with that at all. I called her and reassured her that I had done that. I could tell it was very important to her. I think thats how a mature adult should handle it. But.....this is not something you can expect everyone to do. 

I am now immortalized on the internet on a few user upload pornsites because of a vid I sent to someone I only went on one date with. It was her idea to go back to her place, and truth be told she made the first move, so I went with it. But...over the next week as I got to know her, we really did not mesh. I didn't see the point of pursuing a relationship any further. In retaliation she said she would make me famous. Well...they are up there...and I am still not famous LoL. 

We are on such a threadjack. Sorry OP :grin2:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > I don’t know.....it may or may not bother a new lover.
> ...


Well but...all the guys I’m dating at this point in their lives also have some kind of stash of their own. It’s just something you assume is true. How you each feel about this as you enter a relationship together is worked out as you go.

Like my rebound guy. We were in love at the time and made several short but extremely personal videos and pictures. These are handled with extreme care and privacy only for ourselves.

Now that we have broken up, I saved maybe the top 5 of these and deleted the rest. 

I’m sure he has saved some or all. And if he enters a new relationship that has rules about these things, I’m sure he would delete them for his new partner if she needed that.

When we were together, because we were free enough to do this with each other, I’m sure we both assumed and realized that we had both probably done similar with previous partners. It never occurred to either of us to ask about if we had kept pics of exes. I assume he had some and he probably assumed the same. I never wondered if he was still looking at them and I never looked at my old ones.

If I enetered a new relationship where deleting those and any other things I have would be a requirement, it’s possible I would be ok with that. More likely though, we would both keep whatever we felt we wanted to but we would not be looking at them and we would both feel secure about that.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Omg you just made me remember that my first ex h may have a vhs tape of us.
> ...


I’m hoping he either knows exactly where it is and it never goes anywhere, or he has already destroyed it (which is possible because he would have wanted to make sure no one saw it also).


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> EllisRedding said:
> 
> 
> > What I am wondering as well, this day an age, is the stuff that people may have of their exes a bit more "risque" than in years past where maybe you had a few Polaroids and a VHS tape? Would a phone full of ex nudes or even sex videos be something that should be destroyed once in a relationship with a new person.
> ...


Man, someone revenge porns you and you don’t even get a reality show out of it?!?

The injustice.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Really, think about it logically....
> Many women object to their partner's use of porn.... now what do you think the reaction will be if the porn is a former lover? That's much more threatening, and largely likely to draw a much stronger negative response. I expect many women who would accept some porn use would not accept former lover porn. (I include any not g-rated pics in this category)


What you say does make sense. If they were to come across the pics they might even think they were current. That would be awful! But my type in recent years has been very open minded. I am very over the good girls at this point.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rocky, to be a little more specific...

Yes I’m on the liberal side of many things, and in dating you sift and sort to find people with similar values, on things like this especially.

So I’m not even talking to men who would have such strict standards (nothing wrong with this) that they have no naked pics of exes and would expect the same from their dates. Guys like that and I have weeded each other out long before meeting in person.

But I’m not that rare, and neither is the guy who sincerely doesn’t want a digital trail of his naked body to exist and prefers a woman who feels the same. These are just different types of values people hold and these particular values are pretty easy to be authentic about. That’s how you stick close to and move away from the ones who you match and don’t match with.

For those of us who it is no big deal, it’s really no big deal. For those who it is a big deal, it’s really big. There’s plenty of matches for both.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Man, someone revenge porns you and you don’t even get a reality show out of it?!?
> 
> The injustice.


When it happened my first thought was, "I had no idea this happened to guys too!". Interestingly enough I actually kind of got a kick out of it. I got a few likes on the content and I kind of thought that was neat. I guess you guys would have to know me to understand why I wasn't exactly mortified.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

@ReformedHubby @Faithful Wife

* wonders *

>


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> Rocky, to be a little more specific...
> 
> Yes I’m on the liberal side of many things, and in dating you sift and sort to find people with similar values, on things like this especially.
> 
> ...


I wonder if phase of life has anything to do with it as well. There are people who will be totally open about this from the start and others who will remain strict about something like this throughout. But I suspect there are a good number who would evolve over time. If I'm unflinchingly honest, I have to admit that I was a lot less self-assured at 24 than I am at 54, and would probably not be nearly so concerned now as I might have been then. Just a thought, not sure how many others may have followed a similar trajectory.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Rocky, to be a little more specific...
> ...


Yes I’ve met some guys who have evolved very much. From no way, not ever, not gonna....to sure! Let’s try this! Let’s try that! Some enjoy telling me how much they have changed and how different they think now.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> @ReformedHubby @Faithful Wife
> 
> * wonders *
> 
> <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_devil.png" border="0" alt="" title="Devil" ></a>


You are late to the gossip. RH and I already explored the possibility of dating each other. In the end, the distance was too great to contemplate anything.

And no, we didn’t. He was the perfect gentleman. 

And we have no naked pics or vids of each other and I have not seen his infamous revenge porn video, lol.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> You are late to the gossip. RH and I already explored the possibility of dating each other. In the end, the distance was too great to contemplate anything.
> 
> And no, we didn’t. He was the perfect gentleman.
> 
> And we have no naked pics or vids of each other and I have not seen his infamous revenge porn video, lol.


I knew about the distance being too great but I did not know about the lack of naked pics, so thank you for sharing, I guess. 

Just teasing you two.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > You are late to the gossip. RH and I already explored the possibility of dating each other. In the end, the distance was too great to contemplate anything.
> ...


I’m sure RH has about 15 PM’s asking for his revenge porn link. Ha!

No worries Charlie, we are friends who wish we could have seen each other naked. One of those unrequited things. Tease away, it’s all good because neither of us have anything to make revenge porn of the other with.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I can see both sides I believe, but nekkid pics we've never gotten into. 

If I was single, it would be a no, only because I do public speaking time to time, and professionally the wrong pic getting out could hurt my wallet and career. 

But if single I may fall prey to a double standard because I'd take nekkid pics of a woman if she wanted.

But I'd know I'd always be responsible with the pics. 

But in today's society with prevalence of quality video recording opportunities everyone wants to be a star in a video so it's tempting to many, common to the latest generation of teens.

In a couple more generations in my opinion, sex will become so prevalent among young teens and adults many of the mysteries of the act will fall.

One day there will be safe and effective vaccines against all types of STDs, and when that happens in will be the 60s on steroids. 

Before Aids, most adult friends of mine would have a poke at the drop of a hat.

And carry a hat to drop ☺☺

No risk sex is a hard thing to resist when the hormones are flowing. 

Shoot. I'm thinking about it now, and I'm older. 😎😎😎

Well, I'll be home soon.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> I also keep all the pics and/or videos that my exes sent me. I mean just because the relationship didn't work it doesn't mean that the sex part of it was bad.


Yes and just because you are masturbating to your exes’ private videos, doesn’t mean other men shouldn’t. Go on, pass them around, don’t be shy  (joking!)

Don’t know - something doesn’t seem completely right: if the relationship ends, so does the intimate part (in my mind). And masturbating to the exes’ intimate parts, seems....intimate and not appropriate somehow after you break up but I dunno.
Simple test: ask if her new partner/husband/wife is ok about an ex masturbating to their intimate videos. He/she/zer might be, who knows...in which case happy jerkings.



ReformedHubby said:


> It usually ended for other reasons. I once had a girlfriend admit to me that she was still using one of the videos I sent her to masturbate to. I could only laugh because I was doing the same to videos she sent. Every relationship is different. We would always try and one up each other. Too bad we didn't have much in common other than that. I hope she will be the one and only Trump supporter I ever have sex with LoL. By the time I found out it was too late...we were already a couple.



Don’t feel bad about it; a female Trump supporter.....this must be a unicorn  and surely belongs in a museum.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> I feel so judged...but I'll answer >. All from within the last three years. The thing is when I am in a relationship that person is pretty much the focal point of all my sexual energy. Its the in between time that I resort to the rolodex of old pics. With that said I don't think I would ever throw them away. In a weird way I see it the same as a woman who keeps the letters from a former lover.



Some collect skulls from their victims, some collect porn vids from their former lovers...The world is...full of diverse kinds of beings.



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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> I am now immortalized on the internet on a few user upload pornsites because of a vid I sent to someone I only went on one date with. It was her idea to go back to her place, and truth be told she made the first move, so I went with it. But...over the next week as I got to know her, we really did not mesh. I didn't see the point of pursuing a relationship any further. In retaliation she said she would make me famous. Well...they are up there...and I am still not famous LoL.



Revenge porn is technically illegal and you could sue them.

It wouldn’t really be an issue for me though if my parts ended up on the internet, as long as it’s without the face. 
I think if someone is a public figure, this can cause all sorts of issues and the new laws re revenge porn seem sensible to be. Especially if the camera was angled in a way as to make the **** appear smaller than it actually was in the spare of the moment 



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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Omg you just made me remember that my first ex h may have a *vhs* tape of us.
> 
> I wish I could have it back!! Lol


Old school. Very nice !


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