# wife says she is not attracted to me?



## marriagecanbehard (Sep 4, 2011)

*HELP¡! wife says she is not attracted to me?*

First time on this forum... good to know there are other people with very similar problems. 
Long story short... my wife wife & I have been together 6 years. We have been married 18 months.
We are both 28 and very successful, I am in real estate, she is a singer/model. People tell me I am handsome/attractive. She is beautiful. Like many/all couples, we have had some issues t-out the relationship, but we do not fight that much at all. We communicate very well, are open and honest with each other [or at least I think so] We are always on the move, urbanites is what we call ourselves. 
She told me fifteen months ago that she was unhappy and didn't know if she wanted to be married to me. I was in shock, I processed the info, went to a counselor with her, went to a counselor on my own, worked very hard on my deficiencies [jealousy, attacking/accusatory behavior/comments, silent treatment, etc. ] 
Ok, that said, she says she loves me, that I am a great man, etc. She says that our relationship/marriage is great other than she does not want to have sex wtih me. She says when she is out of town she thinks about kissing me & having sex with me and it sounds nice and exciting. Then when we are in the bedroom and her or I initiate sex, the moment I make a move she is turned off and doesnt enjoy the sex at all.
I have worked extremely hard on myself this past year and have changed in many positive ways. We talked the other day and she said that our marriage/relationship is better than it has ever been. That she can tell me anything, I can tell her anything, we have gotten along so well that past 6 months. But still, she says she just isn't into me, but she really does want to be into me, she wants to be attracted to me. She says that is all that is missing. 
I have been patient, I told her that I forgive her for marrying me and then 3 months later coming out with these feelings [she obviously had this going on in her head before the wedding] I told her I was angry that she married me then told me this stuff. But that I forgive her, I am past that now, people make mistakes, I believe she is a good person and that she wants this to work. Obviously she does because she came out with all of this over a year ago, and she is still here with me. She says about 3 years ago is when she first kinda lost that attraction and the sex hasn't been good for her since [mind you in that three years we have had some wicked hot sex, no lie]
So, all that said, wtf. I dont know what to do now. I made a marital commitment to this woman that I love to love and support her thru good times & bad times. This is a bad time and the topic just so happens to be me, but still I suck it up, my ego is hurt, I am sure I have lost my swagger around her b/c it is hard to hear 'I am not attracted to you sexually but I want to be" and stay in the situation. 

Any thoughts? Thx


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Unfortunately this very often means another man,nat least emotionally. Especially with her travelling. Are you sure there are no other red flags? Guarded cell phone? Excessive texting? Many nights out were you are not united or welcome?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriagecanbehard (Sep 4, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Unfortunately this very often means another man,nat least emotionally. Especially with her travelling. Are you sure there are no other red flags? Guarded cell phone? Excessive texting? Many nights out were you are not united or welcome?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



The funny thing is years ago after we got engaged, she started getting attracted to a guy, she told me about it, I was hurt of course but told her she had a decision to make, break off the engagement or stay . I didnt push her or anything like that. I couldnt fault her for an emotion & feeling. She chose to stay & not put herself in that situation again with him. Point is, we can tell each other those things & understand, not beat one another up over it. She can hang out with guys, I can hang out with girls, we can talk about other people hitting on us, etc. her phone is never guarded. Im always welcome/invited anywhere. Im 99.9% sure it is not another man, at least physically, maybe emotionally, but I really think she would tell me. She says she does not know what "broke"..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maudite (Aug 29, 2011)

I feel for you here. I'm in the same boat but it's only been a little over two months and I know there is another man involved. Even though he is 100% unattainable and never will be my wife is holding onto the idea that it will happen one day. 

The initial rejection was almost unbearable and out of nowhere. We're past that now and are living together quite happily as friends and I guess what you would call household partners.

You say that your wife thinks about sex with you while she is away. Maybe what you need to do is show her that you are wanted by other women. Sort of make her jealous and see that you have other options and could leave her and be happy with someone else whenever you wanted to. I'm not saying you should cheat on her or anything like that but just figure out how to get her to see that other women crave your attention. She has the control right now and you need to take it back.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Married Man Sex Life


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Unfortunately this very often means another man,nat least emotionally. Especially with her travelling. Are you sure there are no other red flags? Guarded cell phone? Excessive texting? Many nights out were you are not united or welcome?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

You are getting the "I Love You But I Am Not In Love With You" speech.

So you got this three months after marrying her. Singer / Model who travels. Very stressful on a marriage. This would take extra special people to make work.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

marriagecanbehard said:


> The funny thing is years ago after we got engaged, she started getting attracted to a guy, she told me about it, I was hurt of course but told her she had a decision to make, break off the engagement or stay . I didnt push her or anything like that. I couldnt fault her for an emotion & feeling. She chose to stay & not put herself in that situation again with him. Point is, we can tell each other those things & understand, not beat one another up over it. She can hang out with guys, I can hang out with girls, we can talk about other people hitting on us, etc. her phone is never guarded. Im always welcome/invited anywhere. Im 99.9% sure it is not another man, at least physically, maybe emotionally, but I really think she would tell me. *She says she does not know what "broke"..*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This statement may be her doing exactly this. She may not fully realize that she is in an EA. Not saying there has to be an EA. It is just that this is somewhat classic behavior for one.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's not attracted to you but she's still hanging around. She's getting something out of the relationship. Without anything else to go on, I'd suspect it's called "financial support". Cut the gravy train to a trickle and see if she stays. If she doesn't, she was just exploiting you and you're better off without her.


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