# Is there any way to "win" a divorce?



## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

I got served papers earlier in the week, and the grounds for the divorce are laughably bad in our no-fault state. The only thing that's funnier is the list of demands, especially for such a short marriage (1 year). I guess that this is where I should mention the disclaimer in that I don't want the divorce, plain and simple. I love my wife very much despite our hardships, and I'm very much in love with her. If it were up to me, I'd do whatever it'd take to save the marriage, but papers are papers, and well... it seems like there isn't much that I can do, on _paper_ (lol). Now, while I do love my wife, I'm not about to lay down and take the hits like a wimp either. I don't intend to go for the jugular and ruin her life, I just want the damn ball.

She did file for divorce two weeks ago, and it took them nearly 9 days to serve me. In those two weeks, there's already been contempt on her behalf, which can be proven with irrefutable evidence. There was our sole domestic disturbance call that we earned, and while I didn't press charges for the punch she threw, it's still documented. *Question*: I gave my cop friend a call today, because the local precinct gave me a one-sentence blurb version of the official police report that cited her as the aggressor, and myself as the victim. However, while police reports are public record, I require a subpoena from an attorney to have it relinquished. Any idea on why that is? No children, drugs, firearms, or arrests were involved. 

The grounds for divorce can be easily disputed with emails, text messages, and videos recorded from our home security system. I wasn't perfect by any means, but my wife's emotional outbursts and angry messages are very well documented. There is also proof that my wife didn't contribute a single dime toward our household expenses (bills, upkeep, etc.) throughout our entire marriage. I always paid the rent myself, I paid all utilities, I paid all the bills. This is important because she's wanting our residence for herself, and she's already on management's bad side for abandoning the apartment. 

So what happens now? I'm not looking to get into a stupid fight in family court, where those resources are better spent serving families, children, and people with actual needs and real problems. What I have is not to say that she was a worse person than I was, but rather to show that I stood by the marriage despite its ups and downs, have always been willing to make it work, and will continue to do whatever it takes to make it work. She moved out, I didn't trash her belongings. I never drove by where she's living now to check to see if she's home on a Friday night. I did not call, I did not text. The terms of the temporary restraining order were met from the day she stepped out of here. She has already violated 4 of those stipulations. 

I don't want money, she doesn't have any. I don't want to ruin her life. I just want to save the damn thing, and quite frankly, I'm not even angry about it. Could I be given a chance to petition for marriage counseling? Will the evidence of contempt against her land her in some form of legal trouble, or is it just leverage in the divorce proceedings? How can the documented instance of violence on her behalf benefit me going forth?

Don't get me wrong, either I will be divorced, or I won't. I've accepted both possibilities. I'm just asking these questions so I have a better idea of what the future holds. Texas, btw. Papers submitted with fault cited.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Do you have any children? Being married only a year there shouldn't be a large marital assets to be divided. No alimony. You can ask the court for marriage counseling if she refuses it won't happen. 

Does she have a restraining order against you or the other way?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

No, we didn't have children, nor did we have any assets to be divided whatsoever. Alimony, I figured, would be thrown out the window before anything else. The marriage counseling angle would be something I would consider, but I don't think she's personally calling the shots in this divorce, as her parents are paying for it, and I fell out of favor with them largely due to hearsay.

No, no restraining order in any other way other than the temporary one that we both have to abide by until our initial court date.

I'm really curious as to how this will play out, because I don't see a way in which any of her demands will be granted, and that's what she will be needing to lean on in order to live. I don't intend on sounding arrogant or hopeful when I say this, but it's a lot easier for her to reconsider her petition for divorce than following through with it as she goes forth. If alimony, our home (we don't own it, and we're both contractually bound for several months), and her demand for me to pay her lawyer's fees are thrown out the window, it would be greatly beneficial to her to stay and try to work it out. We need each other, and I'm willing to play ball. I just hope she doesn't try to come back for those reasons, because that's just delaying the inevitable.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well there is no ‘winning’ a divorce. It’s just about getting through it.

Have you talked to an attorney about all of this yet?

Make take on it is to respond with a counter that says basically: that the accusations of fault made in her petition are false. You can prove it with a police report citing her for hitting you and being the aggressor. You have evidence in the form of a police report, security video, etc.

List her violations of the restraining order and demand that she stop the violations. State that in the future you will call the police.
List your counter offer:

Ask the court to reject her asking for you to pay the fees out of community assets since there are no community assets. That while she is entitled to representation, your filing based on fault is nothing more than aggressive tactic that will unnecessarily run up the cost of the divorce. There is nothing to divide in the divorce.. no assets, no debt.

Note that she might be able to get spousal support until the day the divorce is final if she is asking for that. In Texas she’s not getting any alimony after the divorce. Not unless there is some huge mitigating circumstance.

No joint assets. 

No community debt.

Since this is a very short term marriage (1 year) and you are paying the RENT on the apartment you are asking that you get to stay in the apartment and will get her removed from the lease.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

So if I understand you, to win the action would be to NOT get a divorce?
You can file an answer to the dissolution action and refute her factual allegations for divorce, request an order of dissolution not be entered, and her claim dismissed.

I don't believe a court will order you into marriage counseling, but some states might, it depends. But honestly, if she feels this way after a year of marriage, are you sure this is going to work out?


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Well there is no ‘winning’ a divorce. It’s just about getting through it.
> 
> Have you talked to an attorney about all of this yet?
> 
> ...


I've talked briefly to an attorney (who is a personal friend) about this, and the advice you've given me seems to be spot on with his claims. As far as the alimony goes, I've supported her entirely, even before our engagement, and of course through her unemployment (she quit her job). Even after she got her new job late into last year, she never deposited even a single dollar into our account to help with the bills. Like you said, this is all an effort to drive up the cost of the divorce, and nothing else beyond that.


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

Pluto2 said:


> So if I understand you, to win the action would be to NOT get a divorce?
> You can file an answer to the dissolution action and refute her factual allegations for divorce, request an order of dissolution not be entered, and her claim dismissed.
> 
> I don't believe a court will order you into marriage counseling, but some states might, it depends. But honestly, if she feels this way after a year of marriage, are you sure this is going to work out?


To win, for me, would be to gain control of the divorce. From the sounds of it, it may seem like it's inevitable, but if I can successfully counter her claims and have her demands thrown out the window, then that leaves her with few options. Something that is key to our divorce is our apartment, and after speaking to the leasing office, there is no way to get me off of the lease because it is a private contract between the three of us (unless, of course, I voluntarily sign off on it). She *needs* this apartment, and *only* this apartment for several reasons. To not gain exclusivity to it, or if the lease expires before the divorce is over (she'll be forced to be my neighbor, then), it will be a crucial loss to her.

Our relationship had its ups and downs, and it was certainly complex, made that way due to personal problems on her behalf. Besides some financial problems we would later encounter, heightened by her economic irresponsibility (who buys a $500 purse when we have $1500 in the bank and the $1300 rent is due the next day?), there was some substance dependency on her end. All in all, while she wasn't easy or perfect, and neither was I, there was a lot of parental interference on her behalf. Way too opinionated, way too meddling, and blindly supportive of her, even when I would ask them for help/advice on how to handle someone with her specific problem. The divorce decree has their name written all over it, and I know my wife isn't that spiteful. However, she is also the biggest pushover I've ever met in my life.

We never established any ground rules, and she never learned to be a "wife" by any person's definition of the word. We could've been happy, it would've taken a lot of hard work and compromise from the both of us, but this is a huge, costly overreaction in my opinion. I love her, but I won't lay down either. Her attorney is a young, noted sissy that's intimidated by the opposition, so I'll make sure I hire the best representation in the city.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

It doesn't help you in most states you paid for everything, it's the opposite.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How old is she?

A $500 purse? What is spinning round in her head?

What is spinning round in yours to be attracted to such a person?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> How old is she?
> 
> A $500 purse? What is spinning round in her head?
> 
> What is spinning round in yours to be attracted to such a person?



Oh Longwalk, $500 is mild for a designer bag. Check out the prices of an Hermes Birkin Bag, they sell for 15K to over 100K and have a several year waiting list. So she could just be getting started. Yet OP wants to fight to hang on to her:scratchhead:

OP needs to get out of this nightmare of a marriage NOT fight to stay in it.

OP, you say you love your wife. She filed for divorce, she almost punched you in a fight, the police were called. You are only married a year, you should still be loving newlyweds not able to keep their hands off each other in a good way. Let her go and move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JaxJag said:


> I've talked briefly to an attorney (who is a personal friend) about this, and the advice you've given me seems to be spot on with his claims. As far as the alimony goes, I've supported her entirely, even before our engagement, and of course through her unemployment (she quit her job). Even after she got her new job late into last year, she never deposited even a single dollar into our account to help with the bills.


You voluntarily supported her before marriage. You married her knowing that she was unemployed. 

Did the two of you discuss finances prior to marriage? What was the agreement you two had?

When she did work, what percentage of your joint income did she earn?

Or did you not discuss finances prior to marriage and just assume that things would go however each of you thought they would?



JaxJag said:


> I've her job). Like you said, this is all an effort to drive up the cost of the divorce, and nothing else beyond that.


You said that her parents are paying for her part of the divorce right now. There is a good chance that she and her parents have watched too many movies and TV shows where people have divorces with all kinds of drama. So that is what they think divorce is. Most divorces are not.

Your situation is similar to that of my step daughter. She was young. They had nothing. I did the divorce for her (I’m not a lawyer). Everything needed is on the state self-help web site. Basically the divorce papers said that they had nothing so there is nothing to split. Their student loans are separate debt so they each retain their own student loans. And they both keep the vehicle they are driving. It was a 1.5 page petition. 

She was a college student between semesters with no job. So I had her file a petition to wave all fees. It’s $135 here to file the divorce papers. The fee was dropped to $30 because of her low income. She filed.

So her divorce cost her $30. Her ex paid zero because all he had to do was to sign the papers.

That is the kind of divorce the two of you should be getting. Even having lawyers involved is nonsense.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LongWalk said:


> How old is she?
> 
> A $500 purse? What is spinning round in her head?
> 
> What is spinning round in yours to be attracted to such a person?


I earn 6 figures and would not spend that kind of money on a purse. I do not get this thing some women have about spending big money like that.


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

LongWalk said:


> How old is she?
> 
> A $500 purse? What is spinning round in her head?
> 
> What is spinning round in yours to be attracted to such a person?


We're both in our 30's. Irresponsibility on her end with our finances was a killer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you and your wife?


JaxJag said:


> To win, for me, would be to gain control of the divorce. From the sounds of it, it may seem like it's inevitable, but if I can successfully counter her claims and have her demands thrown out the window, then that leaves her with few options.


You are making it sound like this is some huge contest. It’s not. All you have to do is to refute what she said and provide some evidence. You should probably also request that the divorce be changed to ‘no fault’ or ‘incompatibility’. The court is not going to have huge hearing to determine who the bad guy is. If there is no police record of abuse the court takes the positon that there was no abuse and she is just playing power games where there thing to win.

She has few options right now because there is NOTHING to fight for.

Seriously. You should also send her a letter asking that she drop the drama and sign go for an uncontested divorce stating that the two of you have already split your personal property and you have no joint assets and debt. 
The fact that she started a divorce in fight mode means that she’s not emotionally detached and just wants to fight. If she was emotionally detaches it would be just business.


JaxJag said:


> Something that is key to our divorce is our apartment, and after speaking to the leasing office, there is no way to get me off of the lease because it is a private contract between the three of us (unless, of course, I voluntarily sign off on it). She *needs* this apartment, and *only* this apartment for several reasons. To not gain exclusivity to it, or if the lease expires before the divorce is over (she'll be forced to be my neighbor, then), it will be a crucial loss to her.


Would they let you sign yourself off the contract? Does she earn enough to pay the rent?
What is it about this apartment? It’s just an apartment. Apartments are all over the place.

Why is it important to gain exclusivity to the apartment?

How would she be force to be your neighbor? Aren’t there other apartment buildings in your area?

Why is not having the apartment a crucial loss to her? It’s a rental. You two do not own it? So when the lease is up, you can both walk away from it.


JaxJag said:


> Our relationship had its ups and downs, and it was certainly complex, made that way due to personal problems on her behalf. Besides some financial problems we would later encounter, heightened by her economic irresponsibility (who buys a $500 purse when we have $1500 in the bank and the $1300 rent is due the next day?), there was some substance dependency on her end.


So she is irresponsible with money. And she has a drug habit. I do not understand why you would want her back. Is this really the life you want? You want to be with someone like this who will make your life miserable?



JaxJag said:


> All in all, while she wasn't easy or perfect, and neither was I, there was a lot of parental interference on her behalf. Way too opinionated, way too meddling, and blindly supportive of her, even when I would ask them for help/advice on how to handle someone with her specific problem. The divorce decree has their name written all over it, and I know my wife isn't that spiteful. However, she is also the biggest pushover I've ever met in my life.


When a person is a pushover like your wife, it really means that they agree with what they are being pushed into but they do not have the back bone to stand up and say “hell yea I’m doing this because I want to.” Stop making excuses for her. If she is being vindictive, her parents are not making her be vindictive… SHE IS VINDICITIVE. 



JaxJag said:


> We never established any ground rules, and she never learned to be a "wife" by any person's definition of the word. We could've been happy, it would've taken a lot of hard work and compromise from the both of us, but this is a huge, costly overreaction in my opinion. I love her, but I won't lay down either. Her attorney is a young, noted sissy that's intimidated by the opposition, so I'll make sure I hire the best representation in the city.


Wow, a lot of money wasted for what could be a close to no-cost divorce. It kind of sounds like you are wanting to go in fighting and escalate things. Why? What you need to be doing is to work to de-escalate. 

This is what makes so many divorces expensive. The couple stops fighting in person and hires lawyers to fight for them. I’ve already told you how to descale this. Your friend the lawyer told you the same thing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JaxJag said:


> We're both in our 30's. Irresponsibility on her end with our finances was a killer.


How long after she finally found a job did she file for divorce?

When she did find a job, what percentage of your joint income does she earn?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

How much do you want to spend to defend an apartment? You seem to believe she will come back to because she has no income yet she has her parents apparently willing to support her. Divorce court doesn't support trying to keep marriage together its designed to separate. Her lawyer can be a sissy, he could be a bulldog there is nothing to chase.

You have some sort of temp r/o in place currently. I highly suggest you follow the orders to the letter. Those can be spun into all sorts of drama and you could easily find yourself in a much mess than this divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> You voluntarily supported her before marriage. You married her knowing that she was unemployed.
> 
> 1. *Did the two of you discuss finances prior to marriage? What was the agreement you two had?*
> 
> ...


I don't know how to use this forum very well, so I'll bold whatever merits a response, and list my responses down here.

Before I start answering any general questions, it should be stated that we eloped shortly after our engagement. While we were engaged briefly, we were both working. What hastened the elopement was that she quit her job.

1. *Did the two of you discuss finances prior to marriage? What was the agreement you two had?* Yes, we did. It was simple: I support her financially, take care of all of the bills, she's allowed to live her life as best as I can afford it, while we save for a wedding over the course of the next year and a half.

2. *When she did work, what percentage of your joint income did she earn?* Roughly about a third, but there was no joint income from the moment she started working. While she remained on the joint bank account, she chose to deposit money in her bank account. None of her income went toward anything in our house, aside for food from time to time.

3. *Or did you not discuss finances prior to marriage and just assume that things would go however each of you thought they would?* 

We did, but the curveball came when she let it slip to her parents that we eloped shortly after we married. Her parents, while supportive of the union, practically disowned her in terms of providing anything. Her problems were now my problems. First order on the menu? Plan an expensive family vacation, and I was put under immense pressure to send her, despite the fact that we had just gotten married, and had more important things to do than to fund a vacation that was stretching me very, very thin. I caved, 5 days, $5000 later ($8000 including our monthly living expenses), business gets extremely slow for me. Of course. I don't blame the parents exclusively, but they did a number to our marriage from the very beginning.

4. *There is a good chance that she and her parents have watched too many movies and TV shows where people have divorces with all kinds of drama.*

I wouldn't doubt it. I think the parents are living out the divorce they should've had vicariously through my wife. What should've been a simple request to sign or not sign, has turned into this big, ugly, messy waste of time and money.


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

honcho said:


> How much do you want to spend to defend an apartment? You seem to believe she will come back to because she has no income yet she has her parents apparently willing to support her. Divorce court doesn't support trying to keep marriage together its designed to separate. Her lawyer can be a sissy, he could be a bulldog there is nothing to chase.
> 
> You have some sort of temp r/o in place currently. I highly suggest you follow the orders to the letter. Those can be spun into all sorts of drama and you could easily find yourself in a much mess than this divorce.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not much. There's no way they can take me off of the lease, anyway.

My wife has 3 major problems in life, one being her insane desire to stay within this zip code at all costs, two being her attachment to her large pets, and the other being her daily drinking problem. Her parents house is a dry house, so if there's any input from my wife in the divorce decree that I know is from her, is the demand for the apartment. Personally, I don't need the damn thing. I can go elsewhere, or I can shack up with friends of family because I can. My wife needs this apartment because it's close to her parents, it's in her comfort zone, it's the only apartment complex for 35 miles that will accept her large pets, and she can drink here all day long. Choosing to stay here was the ultimate spite for her.

As far as the restraining order goes, I've followed it to a T, even before being served. No email, text, phone call, or contact of any sort. The few belongings she left here are safe and sound, I didn't trash it nor destroy anything in a fit of rage. The only one that would be testing would be the clause that allows her to come back if she wants, but I highly doubt that will happen, unless she has a falling out of some sort with her parents. She has already violated several terms.


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> How long after she finally found a job did she file for divorce?


My apologies for ignoring your first question, I must've read too fast.

She got her job in October. It was a part time gig, that max was 30 hours a week, but during her part time stint, she must've averaged about 12 hours a week. 

Her new job was when our marriage took a nose dive. Her behavior changed drastically, she grew apathetic toward the marriage, and she would blame her increasing drinking on "stress from work", though she was just drinking to knock herself out unconscious every night. My duties of course increased, because she would hold me responsible for her pets, would no longer cook, would no longer clean (these were usually done by the both of us, taking turns, or taking time off).

Things grew suspicious shortly after the turn of the new year. She became closer to her boss (he's twice her age), her hours would increase, and she'd eventually become full time with benefits. At this point, it was revealed that he was going through a divorce, something he'd confide to only her. He began asking her out, and that became a huge problem for us. Texting at odd hours of the night/early morning, weekends, and of course the constant invitations.

Our final week together, we'd spend fighting because there was a charity event she needed to go to for work. It'd be career making, she'd be there with her boss, rubbing elbows with the major people of the industry... you know, that song and dance. While original no spouses were invited due to the limitation of seats, it was later revealed that spouses were invited, but she didn't invite me. Then the flip flopped on her boss even going, and after a series of little lies, it seemed less of a career move, and more of a social outing without me. She didn't come home that night, and the next morning, she came over with her parents, declared her divorce, and the movers came in minutes later to gather her belongings.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Jax,
You ought to see a therapist. If you don't, there's a chance you will pick another person like this to marry. 




JaxJag said:


> My apologies for ignoring your first question, I must've read too fast.
> 
> She got her job in October. It was a part time gig, that max was 30 hours a week, but during her part time stint, she must've averaged about 12 hours a week.
> 
> ...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JaxJag said:


> My apologies for ignoring your first question, I must've read too fast.
> 
> She got her job in October. It was a part time gig, that max was 30 hours a week, but during her part time stint, she must've averaged about 12 hours a week.
> 
> ...


Why on earth do you want to continue this marriage? It makes no sense.

You know how to reply to her petition. How long before the divorce is can be final?


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Marriage Help Program For Couples

^you might want to ask your W to look at the website and see if she is willing to attend. When we went, they said they have had couples attend even with RO (you stay in separate bedrooms)

Disclosure: M ending anyway (11 years post Retrouvaille)


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Why on earth do you want to continue this marriage? It makes no sense.
> 
> You know how to reply to her petition. How long before the divorce is can be final?


I guess love is a crazy thing, but I'm totally prepared to play as dirty as I have to. At this point, I highly doubt we'll ever get back together. It sucks, because I did put a lot of effort into this, put myself aside countless times, and tried my hardest to understand something that I couldn't wrap my head around. I really did give it my best shot, and while I know that I could've done better in many aspects, her demands of me were unrealistic. 

I've accepted either outcome.


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

Blonde said:


> Marriage Help Program For Couples
> 
> ^you might want to ask your W to look at the website and see if she is willing to attend. When we went, they said they have had couples attend even with RO (you stay in separate bedrooms)
> 
> Disclosure: M ending anyway (11 years post Retrouvaille)


The wife is in her little lovey dovey phase with her parents right now, acting free and happy, all while being extremely angry with me for whatever reason. I won't apologize for my suspicions.

That being said, she'd slam me with contempt of the restrain if I even reached out to her to recommend such a program.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

JaxJag said:


> That being said, she'd slam me with contempt of the restrain if I even reached out to her to recommend such a program.


Would an e-mail with a link violate the RO?

Not that I think this can work.
If she has an RO, she doesn't feel safe with you and she has her reasons for that. You don't sound like you are inclined to look at that and work on being safer for her...

With no kids in the middle of this, you're better off splitting and not bringing kids into the middle of it.

I doubt you will take much financial hit after only a year M. The way the lawyers work is they ask for the moon and expect to negotiate a settlement. Using lawyers to vent hostility and contentions will cost a small fortune and benefit only the lawyers. If you can get a mediator and agree on a settlement and avoid court, you will save time and a bundle of money.


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

Blonde said:


> Would an e-mail with a link violate the RO?
> 
> Not that I think this can work.
> If she has an RO, she doesn't feel safe with you and she has her reasons for that. You don't sound like you are inclined to look at that and work on being safer for her...
> ...


The RO applies to the both of us, and she's been the only one violating it. I think it's standard practice in our state, but either way, I don't want to risk anything by contacting her. She's convinced her family that I'm a monster, because she does a spectacular job of playing the victim. That's no bitter soon-to-be ex-husband talk, she legitimately believes the world is out to get her, and she's always innocent. I used to believe the act at first, and after a while, I couldn't blame the people she used to talk about.

I have exactly 4 aces up my sleeve (her violating the RO is one of them) that should level the playing field, and that's when she'll have the tough decisions to make.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

JaxJag said:


> The RO applies to the both of us, and she's been the only one violating it. I think it's standard practice in our state, but either way, I don't want to risk anything by contacting her. She's convinced her family that I'm a monster, because she does a spectacular job of playing the victim. That's no bitter soon-to-be ex-husband talk, she legitimately believes the world is out to get her, and she's always innocent. I used to believe the act at first, and after a while, I couldn't blame the people she used to talk about.
> 
> I have exactly 4 aces up my sleeve (her violating the RO is one of them) that should level the playing field, and that's when she'll have the tough decisions to make.


If she violates the r/o you call the authorities and at least get the violation on record somewhere. Waiting until a court hearing later to bring it up turns an ace into a joker. Judges rarely care unless its documented. 

She has left you a filed for divorce. What tough decision do you think she still has to make?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JaxJag (May 3, 2015)

honcho said:


> If she violates the r/o you call the authorities and at least get the violation on record somewhere. Waiting until a court hearing later to bring it up turns an ace into a joker. Judges rarely care unless its documented.
> 
> She has left you a filed for divorce. What tough decision do you think she still has to make?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't exactly call the police because she cut the utilities. I have the cancellation letters anyway, but nothing is going to happen at the hearing.

As far as to her reconsidering her plan, I really can't go into great detail about it here. I don't know if she's a member of this site or not, so I'd rather not say. I love her more than anything in the world, but I won't hesitate to play as dirty as I have to, nor exploit any possible opportunity I may have to get her to either burn her ridiculous list of demands, annul (if we still qualify), or consider some rigorous marriage counseling. That's in order of preference at this point.

Her parents are paying for the whole thing, so I'll put their commitment to the test.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

JaxJag said:


> I can't exactly call the police because she cut the utilities. I have the cancellation letters anyway, but nothing is going to happen at the hearing.
> 
> As far as to her reconsidering her plan, I really can't go into great detail about it here. I don't know if she's a member of this site or not, so I'd rather not say. I love her more than anything in the world, but I won't hesitate to play as dirty as I have to, nor exploit any possible opportunity I may have to get her to either burn her ridiculous list of demands, annul (if we still qualify), or consider some rigorous marriage counseling. That's in order of preference at this point.
> 
> Her parents are paying for the whole thing, so I'll put their commitment to the test.


Her parent commitment won't be tested at all, they have already shown they will back and support her. Get the utilities turned back on, that takes away that excuse. 

I understand you want her back and I'm not faulting you for wanting to save your marriage but she doesn't and her coming back to you as a last resort will not work long term. 

You've been married a year, no kids, this isn't the divorce of the year. Her demands will be denied for the most part and its all just legal theater right now so her lawyer can get some billing time. Play dirty over what? Again this is a one year marriage with no assets really to divide.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

[



> Her parents are paying for the whole thing, so I'll put their commitment to the test.


I know you are angry she left you but it's not a good idea to plan to punish her (and her parents pocketbook) through the court. It will hurt *you *equally.

Can you get some counseling to process your anger more productively?


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

She wants her single life back, away from you. She filed for divorce. Give it to her. Its only been one year? You should not have to go through these problems so early in a marriage. Think what things would be like after 20 years or more of her spending habits? Throw a few children into the mix. You are being given an out from this marriage. Take it! Find someone more deserving


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