# She cheated and got pregnant



## ShatteredWorld

We have been dating for a few years (I am 39, she is 38) and just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.

Our daughter just turned 6 months old.

Within the first year of our marrige, I caught her sexing on the computer, and logged it to find out what was happening. It looked like it had been going on 5 months or so.

I confronted, we went to councling, and she swore the sexting had never became physical.

I recently caught her sexting again with the same guy, so I sent away for a buccal swab test and the results came back excluding me 100% as being the biological father.

I have every emotion running through me that you would expect.

any advice?


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## Juicer

Depends on where you live. 

But here is what you need to do:

STOP being a father! Don't tuck the child in bed, don't read her a book, don't feed her, don't do ANYTHING!
The reason for this, while it may sound cruel, and be extremely hard to do, the reason for this is because:
If you decide you can't father this child that is not yours, you don't get saddled for child support. If you continue to act like a father to the child after learning that you are not the biological father, courts will say you took on the responsibilities of a father, and you will get hooked for child support. 
If you decide you do want to still support this child, you can still take it back by acting like a father, but I won't lie, I don't see it working. 

As for your wife:
She has cheated twice it looks like. And is doing what is called trickle truthing you, where she tells you the details little by little, to try and avoid all the consequences she should face. 

Here is some advice on how to deal with a 2 time cheater. Mine cheated at her bachelorette party, then carried on a 4-5 month affair, behind my back. I earned a good living, looked good, and loved talking to her. Her affair knocked the wind out of me.
I am cutting my losses. 

I don't know what your girl is like, but I honestly would tell you, get out! Divorce NOW! Divorce YESTERDAY!!! Everyday you stay married to her, you owe her another dime of alimony. 
She cheated once. Then get pregnant, and cuckolded you. 
Then you caught her. 
So she said she was sorry, then cheated again. 
You want to stay married to a wife like that?


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## Complexity

Sounds like a serial cheater. If you're not the father and she's only 6 months old, leave now before you get any more emotionally attached.

If you want raise another man's child, that's completely up to you but this woman is not trustworthy.


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## CleanJerkSnatch

This is a similar situation to another poster as we speak. Most will tell you to run out and away for the hills. For whatever decision you decide to choose, for R your wife needs to understand the gravity of this infidelity. Such blatant despicable lying thinking a child is yours and raising it as your own, sure enough the child is innocent but if you decide to leave that child will suffer for her mothers mistake, not yours. Reconciliation is so difficult with a WS who is unwilling to recognize the horror of cheating and how it permanently affects a marriage and much less one who has a child with OM and leads you to raise it. You are the provider and i am sure this OM is a loser, and if you leave your wife she will be miserable and he will leave her.

Pull the 180 on her, unless your set to leave her and do not wish to waste your time trying to get her away from her addiction then D
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whoami2012

I posted something similiar today. Take a look at my thread. I will say this, that my wife did not appear to cheat on my until 10 years married. It hurts so bad now because we built a life together. YOu are still early in your marriage so it would be better to break for it now. However, like you, I grew attached to my 1.5 year old when I did the test to learn he wasnt mine. its like a sick joke, here is your child!! Oh, sorry, you dont have one.

It makes me mad that this happens, but there isnt anything we can do about it, and it is times like this that define us as a person. If you love her, and she is willing to work through it, get help, and you are willing to raise another mans child, I say go for it. 

But you will forever have these feelings so be ready for a lifetime of pain.


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## aug

You'll need to get a very, very competent lawyer to get you out of being legally and financially responsible for the baby.

Kick her out now.

The longer you delay, the harder it is for you to escape legal and financial responsibility. You wont be able to refute why you delayed in correcting the situation (for eg, getting your name off the baby's birth certificate, etc)

Talk to that lawyer now. Otherwise you'll be stuck paying to raise another man's child for the next 18 to 23 years. That's more expensive in more ways than a good lawyer now.


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## Malaise

Complexity said:


> Sounds like a serial cheater. If you're not the father and she's only 6 months old, leave now before you get any more emotionally attached.
> 
> *If you want raise another man's child, that's completely up to you but this woman is not trustworthy*.


What he said.

I would never raise another man's child unless I had married a single mother. 

End of story


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## aug

whoami2012 said:


> It makes me mad that this happens, *but there isnt anything we can do about it*, and it is times like this that define us as a person. If you love her, and she is willing to work through it, get help, and you are willing to raise another mans child, I say go for it.
> 
> But you will forever have these feelings so be ready for a lifetime of pain.



Please dont give up. Sounds like you have. But for the sake of your future mental health, dont give up trying to correct the situation.


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## theroad

Get a lawyer, file divorce, have name removed from birth certificate.


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## ShatteredWorld

I hear what you are saying. I just feel I am in a complicated situation (which I am sure I am not).

My family is so proud of me to have had a child, my parents are glowing grandparents, I almost want to raise the child for my own fear of humiliation infront of my family.

My spouse and I own multiple income properties together, some in both names, some in her name, some in mine. The income properties we supposed to be our retierment plan, and I feel it would destroy all value in them to split them up properly.

I was there when my daugher was born, and even at 6 months I love her, and wouldnt want her to grow up with a single mom. (the OM moved 500km away, and has no job, so I'm sure my wife - who is a professional, wouldnt shack up with him).

Lastly, I run the family business (but do not own it), and as such, my income is very very low - the company provides everything I need.

Im just not sure about anything


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## ShatteredWorld

Also, I just found out this morning, and confronted her over the phone (as she is out of town visiting family - which I know to be true since we have iphones and we face time)

Also, since having the baby, we have never been closer.

After my phone confrontating, she is having a complete breakdown, and begging me not to leave. This pains me so much because I still love her.

I should never have done the test, Im a mess


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## Complexity

You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of. You were deceived just as your parents were, the fault lies squarely with your wife.

Regarding your financial situation, I can't advise you on this and I understand your dilemma so this is a decision you'll have to carefully consider. The problem with the child situation however is that either way, she'll grow up in a broken household because of her mother's actions. She will never stop cheating on you. Most women know who helped to conceived their child, I wouldn't be too swayed with the waterworks. She knows what she did.


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## TBT

Sorry for your situation as it must be a nightmare to try and come to terms with it.What does your wife say about everything ?


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## EleGirl

ShatteredWorld,

You need to see an attorney ASAP to find out the laws in your state. In most, if not all states, any child born into a marriage is considered the legal child of the husband. This is an obligation that you cannot get out of without a very good lawyer and another man willing to take over the responsibility for this child.

Have you told your wife yet that you know you are not the biological father of your daughter? If so who has she told you who the father is?

Find out what all your rights are in this situation and decide what you want to do. If you decide that you do not want to parent your daughter then fight to get your name off her birth certificate. I don’t know if you will be able to do this but you can try.

If you want to parent her then fight for as much custody as you can get. Her mother is obviously unfit. It seems that a lot of people will be telling you to dump the kid. But you might already be too attached to do this. I have an adopted son. I know that blood is the least of things needed to be a good parent and have a strong attachment to a child. You would not be less of a man if you decided that you love this little girl and want to be her daddy. 

Also realize that you might end up legally responsible for this little girl until she is 18 due to you being married to her mom.


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## ShatteredWorld

TBT said:


> Sorry for your situation as it must be a nightmare to try and come to terms with it.What does your wife say about everything ?


She is telling me that she is so sorry for ruining my life.


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## Joshy

You caught her sexing on the computer once.

She swore it never got physical.
She said she wouldn't do it again.

You caught her sexing again.

The baby you thought was yours, the baby she has told you is yours turns out not to be yours.

You are are very forgiving man, think through how you've been lied to. Will it stop? If you didn't get the test, there is a chance she would have lied to you for the rest of your life.


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## ShatteredWorld

EleGirl said:


> ShatteredWorld,
> 
> You need to see an attorney ASAP to find out the laws in your state. In most, if not all states, any child born into a marriage is considered the legal child of the husband. This is an obligation that you cannot get out of without a very good lawyer and another man willing to take over the responsibility for this child.


Ontario, Canada


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## CleanJerkSnatch

Never regret learning truth. Now that you have it (truth about your "child") you also have a decision to make. Any marriage is repairable if both spouse are willing. If the WS does not wish to PERMANENTLY change positively after PERMANENTLY affecting the marriage negatively, then you have the latter. Its all your choice, although most automatically post directing advice for divorce. First decide what you do, take your time deciding and this forum can help you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonim

ShatteredWorld said:


> I hear what you are saying. I just feel I am in a complicated situation (which I am sure I am not).
> 
> My family is so proud of me to have had a child, my parents are glowing grandparents, I almost want to raise the child for my own fear of humiliation infront of my family.
> 
> My spouse and I own multiple income properties together, some in both names, some in her name, some in mine. The income properties we supposed to be our retierment plan, and I feel it would destroy all value in them to split them up properly.
> 
> I was there when my daugher was born, and even at 6 months I love her, and wouldnt want her to grow up with a single mom. (the OM moved 500km away, and has no job, so I'm sure my wife - who is a professional, wouldnt shack up with him).
> 
> Lastly, I run the family business (but do not own it), and as such, my income is very very low - the company provides everything I need.
> 
> Im just not sure about anything


screw what other people think, thay arent living your reality.


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## ShatteredWorld

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> First decide what you do, take your time deciding and this forum can help you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have an 8 hour window of time before she comes home to read every post on this website, and come to terms with how I feel. I'm glad to have found TAM


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## CleanJerkSnatch

ShatteredWorld said:


> I have an 8 hour window of time before she comes home to read every post on this website, and come to terms with how I feel. I'm glad to have found TAM


Why would she read these posts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane

ShatteredWorld said:


> She is telling me that she is so sorry for ruining my life.
> 
> I recently caught her sexting again with the same guy


So, she 100% knew you weren't the father and was never going to tell you the truth?

On top of that, she recently was up to her old tricks, so she didn't even learn her lesson. I guess she wasn't too afraid that you would ever find out the truth, if she was willing to risk the sexting again. Of course, now she's all sad for herself that you won't be there to raise the child. She had it all set - she could have you as a babysitter and the other man for sex and excitement.


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## ShatteredWorld

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Why would she read these posts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


for ME to read the posts on this website, and the use them to help figure myself out


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## ShatteredWorld

Will_Kane said:


> So, she 100% knew you weren't the father and was never going to tell you the truth?


She claims that she didnt think the OM got her pregnant - and when I forwarded her the genetic test, she crumbled (on the phone)


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## Joshy

ShatteredWorld said:


> She claims that she didnt think the OM got her pregnant


That response seems like it was always in the back of her mind...


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## Juicer

ShatteredWorld said:


> I hear what you are saying. I just feel I am in a complicated situation (which I am sure I am not).
> 
> My family is so proud of me to have had a child, my parents are glowing grandparents, I almost want to raise the child for my own fear of humiliation infront of my family.
> 
> My spouse and I own multiple income properties together, some in both names, some in her name, some in mine. The income properties we supposed to be our retierment plan, and I feel it would destroy all value in them to split them up properly.
> 
> I was there when my daugher was born, and even at 6 months I love her, and wouldnt want her to grow up with a single mom. (the OM moved 500km away, and has no job, so I'm sure my wife - who is a professional, wouldnt shack up with him).
> 
> Lastly, I run the family business (but do not own it), and as such, my income is very very low - the company provides everything I need.
> 
> Im just not sure about anything


First off, your Family is happy because they think that child is YOURS! Not some random loser they don't know. 

Secondly, you will get 50% of everything. You may take a hit, you may not. But look at it like this, you want it to be now, when you are worth maybe only $300k, and not when you are 50, and worth $1200k. 

Thirdly, look up child support laws in your state now, then CONTACT A LAWYER! ANd find out if you can be hooked up for child support. If you can't, don't worry about it. 
Then if you could be hitced for child support, ABANDON the child! I know this sounds heartless, but let's say you decide you want to be the daddy. Well mommy may decide she wants to be with the OM, so she skips state, and goes to live with the OM, while you still are required to pay child support. 

This women doesn't sound like a good mother. She is a serial cheater, and not quite out of the fog. She is still calling the other man. She still believes she can have a happily ever-after with this guy. 

She may cry and plead, and say she is sorry, have some hysterical bonding, do individual counseling, ask to take you to marriage counseling, but I am willing to bet my next paycheck that if you hadn't found out the child wasn't yours, she would have never told you.


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## MattMatt

Complexity said:


> You're have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of. You were deceived just as your parents were, the fault lies squarely with your wife.
> 
> Regarding your financial situation, I can't advise you on this and I understand your dilemma so this is a decision you'll have to carefully consider. The problem with the child situation however is that either way, she'll grow up in a broken household because of her mother's actions. She will never stop cheating on you. Most women know who helped to conceived their child, I wouldn't be too swayed with the waterworks. She knows what she did.


:iagree:


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## Malaise

Will_Kane said:


> So, she 100% knew you weren't the father and was never going to tell you the truth?
> 
> On top of that, she recently was up to her old tricks, so she didn't even learn her lesson. I guess she wasn't too afraid that you would ever find out the truth, if she was willing to risk the sexting again. Of course, now she's all sad for herself that you won't be there to raise the child. She had it all set - she could have you as a babysitter and the other man for sex and excitement.


You said exactly what I was thinking.

Practicing the same behavior as before.

Not afraid then of any consequences. Now that there are some
she crumbles. Without them she would have continued.

And perhaps a sib for your child ?


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## Malaise

Juicer said:


> *First off, your Family is happy because they think that child is YOURS! Not some random loser they don't know. *
> Secondly, you will get 50% of everything. You may take a hit, you may not. But look at it like this, you want it to be now, when you are worth maybe only $300k, and not when you are 50, and worth $1200k.
> 
> Thirdly, look up child support laws in your state now, then CONTACT A LAWYER! ANd find out if you can be hooked up for child support. If you can't, don't worry about it.
> Then if you could be hitced for child support, ABANDON the child! I know this sounds heartless, but let's say you decide you want to be the daddy. Well mommy may decide she wants to be with the OM, so she skips state, and goes to live with the OM, while you still are required to pay child support.
> 
> This women doesn't sound like a good mother. She is a serial cheater, and not quite out of the fog. She is still calling the other man. She still believes she can have a happily ever-after with this guy.
> 
> She may cry and plead, and say she is sorry, have some hysterical bonding, do individual counseling, ask to take you to marriage counseling, but I am willing to bet my next paycheck that if you hadn't found out the child wasn't yours, she would have never told you.


Again, what he said.


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## Will_Kane

ShatteredWorld said:


> We have been dating for a few years (I am 39, she is 38) and just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
> 
> Our daughter just turned 6 months old.
> 
> Within the first year of our marrige, I caught her sexing on the computer, and logged it to find out what was happening. It looked like it had been going on 5 months or so.
> 
> I confronted, we went to councling, and *she swore the sexting had never became physical.*
> 
> I recently caught her sexting again with the same guy, so I sent away for a buccal swab test and the results came back excluding me 100% as being the biological father.
> 
> I have every emotion running through me that you would expect.
> 
> any advice?


So she swore the sexting had never become physical. Obviously, that was a lie that she was never going to let you in on. Did she say how long she was screwing the other man behind your back? Did she say whether she was still screwing the other man whenever she got the chance? After all, you caught her sexting him again, and the last time you caught her she said it didn't become physical. Just because he moved away doesn't mean he can't return once in a while.


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## Count of Monte Cristo

ShatteredWorld said:


> She claims that she didnt think the OM got her pregnant - and when I forwarded her the genetic test, she crumbled (on the phone)


She could no longer deny the undeniable.

Get rid of the succubus and move on with the rest of your life.

Life's too short to spend it with someone that doesn't respect you.


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## ShatteredWorld

On Monday I will be seeing a lawyer to determine what my options are if I :

A - File for divorce (In my province, there is no rule regarding a 1 year separation before divorce when there has been sex outside the marrige). Also, what steps need to be taken to protect me from child support payments. Also, try to find out how to split the properties, etc.

B - Try to R with my wife, and raise the child, but see if I can protect myself from future support should the R not work out and we D.


P.S. spell check doesnt seem to be enabled her and I realized my spelling skills have degraded


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## hookares

Those of you who can swallow your pride and try to bury this sort of infidelity and look the other way while raising another guy's child are far better men than I am. This probably is no surprise to many members here since I get it pointed out every other thread where I make comments.
What I can say is that the worst part of it isn't really the expense that can be involved. I ended up paying for my ex's two children's education after our divorce and really wasn't required to do so by the idiot judge who gave her everything else.
My reason for doing this is that even though I wasn't close with either of "our kids", I saw no reason for their mother to get them started off on the wrong foot in life simply because she couldn't keep her legs together when she was around any other guy except for me.
However, there is no way I would have ever tried to "fix" her problems as some of you are suggesting for others.
My payoff is that I am no longer saddled with her and don't intend to ever be, again.


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## CH

So she had unprotected sex with the OM and who knows how many other men at this point.

Get tested for STDs.

What if the OM wants to be part of the kids life? What if he wants visitation, full custody, partial custody????? How will you handle that?

Get up baby, your bio daddy's coming to take you home with him.......Can you handle that if it happens?


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## 67flh

of course you do know that she only had sex with him 1 time and a miracle happened and she got pregnant! yea right....


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## EleGirl

ShatteredWorld said:


> Ontario, Canada


Information for Canadians

Committing paternity fraud or providing false information about the identity of a child on a "Statement of Live Birth", the form used to register a birth in Ontario or on a similar form in other provinces or territories with registrars of vital statistics, is a serious matter.

In some provinces the statute may say that providing false information has a maximum penalty of a fine of $100,000 plus 6 months in jail. The Canadian Children's Rights Council advocates for stringent enforcement of penalties in order to protect children's identity rights, their relationship rights from birth to be raised by both their biological parents. The legal cost to change this later can be horrendous and may result in legal action and the award by the court of court costs against a woman taken to court by a man who turns out to be the biological father of her child or by an irate husband who sues his wife for birthing a child as a result of infidelity and who has represented the child to be her husbands. 

There have been numerous cases of financial awards around the world to husband victims of paternity fraud. You can read on this website about an Ontario Court ordering that the ex-husband not pay child support for children that the wife had purported to be his biological children. See our section on paternity fraud which has many web pages on the topic..

One such case is that of K.L.B. v. J.M., [2005] O.J. No. 998 (O.C.J.), (Woodstock, Ontario Registry No. D257/01) of March 1, 2005. The child was born on 4 May 2001 and the ex-husband had signed the forms to register the child's birth under false pretences. The ex-husband consented to an order dated 20 December 2001 wherein he was granted joint custody and paid child support. However, notwithstanding his nagging doubts about paternity dating back even to December 2001, the ex-husband waited until October 2002 to surreptitiously have genetic testing carried out. The result was that he was not the father at all and the court found in his favour. The court found that he should not have to pay child financial support. more..

The best and often only time that identification can be made in some cases is near the time of birth.

When identity secrets are found out years later, it can be very damaging to everyone. The search for identity in cases of adoption when children grow up and seek out information about their biological parents is well known and illustrates the importance of these biological relationships as well as social relationships.

More and more court judgements of family court, some of which you can read on this website, terminate financial support paid by men falsely identified to be the biological father and were "duped" into raising children fathered by others. The human need to carry on the family heritage through reproduction is strong human need.

Canadian laws often follow those made in Australia and the UK. In June 2005, Australia enacted new family law which provides for the man wrongfully identified as the father to get back child financial support and the cost of raising a child which he falsely believed was his biological child. There have also been a number of civil lawsuits around the world ( France, Korea, The U.S.A. and Australia to mention a few) in which men were awarded substantial amounts of damages for the mental anguish etc. caused by paternity fraud. You will find some of these judgments on this website.

Paternity testing Canada, DNA Paternity testing costs, Paternity blood tests, DNA testing


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## somethingelse

Juicer said:


> Depends on where you live.
> 
> But here is what you need to do:
> 
> STOP being a father! Don't tuck the child in bed, don't read her a book, don't feed her, don't do ANYTHING!
> The reason for this, while it may sound cruel, and be extremely hard to do, the reason for this is because:
> If you decide you can't father this child that is not yours, you don't get saddled for child support. If you continue to act like a father to the child after learning that you are not the biological father, courts will say you took on the responsibilities of a father, and you will get hooked for child support.
> If you decide you do want to still support this child, you can still take it back by acting like a father, but I won't lie, I don't see it working.
> 
> As for your wife:
> She has cheated twice it looks like. And is doing what is called trickle truthing you, where she tells you the details little by little, to try and avoid all the consequences she should face.
> 
> Here is some advice on how to deal with a 2 time cheater. Mine cheated at her bachelorette party, then carried on a 4-5 month affair, behind my back. I earned a good living, looked good, and loved talking to her. Her affair knocked the wind out of me.
> I am cutting my losses.
> 
> I don't know what your girl is like, but I honestly would tell you, get out! Divorce NOW! Divorce YESTERDAY!!! Everyday you stay married to her, you owe her another dime of alimony.
> She cheated once. Then get pregnant, and cuckolded you.
> Then you caught her.
> So she said she was sorry, then cheated again.
> You want to stay married to a wife like that?


I'm pretty sure he's going to have to pay child support no matter what now. The baby is 6 months old already. I have read that even in pregnancy, if the H stays with the W during that time, he will have to pay. But he's past that point by 6 months. So he cannot convince the courts that he has not been involved in the child's life since birth. It's too late.


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## Machiavelli

hookares said:


> Those of you who can swallow your pride and try to bury this sort of infidelity and look the other way while raising another guy's child are far better *Omega* men than I am.


There. Fixed that for ya.

OP, I think if you're in Canada, you're truly effed on the paternity issue. You wife clearly sees you as somebody who is a trusted worker drone in her family business hive and not a true mate. Liberate yourself.


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## Chaparral

This happened last year to another Canadian couple here. The first DNA test turned out to be wrong. Have it done again by professionals.

Doesn't mean she wasn't banging the OM as it seems she did confess to that.


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## golfergirl

Machiavelli said:


> There. Fixed that for ya.
> 
> OP, I think if you're in Canada, you're truly effed on the paternity issue. You wife clearly sees you as somebody who is a trusted worker drone in her family business hive and not a true mate. Liberate yourself.


Did you not read Elle's post? Quite the opposite. His wife is effed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somethingelse

EleGirl said:


> Information for Canadians
> 
> Committing paternity fraud or providing false information about the identity of a child on a "Statement of Live Birth", the form used to register a birth in Ontario or on a similar form in other provinces or territories with registrars of vital statistics, is a serious matter.
> 
> In some provinces the statute may say that providing false information has a maximum penalty of a fine of $100,000 plus 6 months in jail. The Canadian Children's Rights Council advocates for stringent enforcement of penalties in order to protect children's identity rights, their relationship rights from birth to be raised by both their biological parents. The legal cost to change this later can be horrendous and may result in legal action and the award by the court of court costs against a woman taken to court by a man who turns out to be the biological father of her child or by an irate husband who sues his wife for birthing a child as a result of infidelity and who has represented the child to be her husbands.
> 
> There have been numerous cases of financial awards around the world to husband victims of paternity fraud. You can read on this website about an Ontario Court ordering that the ex-husband not pay child support for children that the wife had purported to be his biological children. See our section on paternity fraud which has many web pages on the topic..
> 
> One such case is that of K.L.B. v. J.M., [2005] O.J. No. 998 (O.C.J.), (Woodstock, Ontario Registry No. D257/01) of March 1, 2005. The child was born on 4 May 2001 and the ex-husband had signed the forms to register the child's birth under false pretences. The ex-husband consented to an order dated 20 December 2001 wherein he was granted joint custody and paid child support. However, notwithstanding his nagging doubts about paternity dating back even to December 2001, the ex-husband waited until October 2002 to surreptitiously have genetic testing carried out. The result was that he was not the father at all and the court found in his favour. The court found that he should not have to pay child financial support. more..
> 
> The best and often only time that identification can be made in some cases is near the time of birth.
> 
> When identity secrets are found out years later, it can be very damaging to everyone. The search for identity in cases of adoption when children grow up and seek out information about their biological parents is well known and illustrates the importance of these biological relationships as well as social relationships.
> 
> More and more court judgements of family court, some of which you can read on this website, terminate financial support paid by men falsely identified to be the biological father and were "duped" into raising children fathered by others. The human need to carry on the family heritage through reproduction is strong human need.
> 
> Canadian laws often follow those made in Australia and the UK. In June 2005, Australia enacted new family law which provides for the man wrongfully identified as the father to get back child financial support and the cost of raising a child which he falsely believed was his biological child. There have also been a number of civil lawsuits around the world ( France, Korea, The U.S.A. and Australia to mention a few) in which men were awarded substantial amounts of damages for the mental anguish etc. caused by paternity fraud. You will find some of these judgments on this website.
> 
> Paternity testing Canada, DNA Paternity testing costs, Paternity blood tests, DNA testing



I was wondering if this was possible. It's good to know that there's a way out of this for the BS.


----------



## EleGirl

somethingelse said:


> I was wondering if this was possible. It's good to know that there's a way out of this for the BS.


I'm also glad to see that now with DNA testing the courts are starting to see all of this differently.


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## Malaise

chapparal said:


> *This happened last year to another Canadian couple here. The first DNA test turned out to be wrong. Have it done again by professionals.
> 
> Doesn't mean she wasn't banging the OM as it seems she did confess to that.*




This is a vaild and important point

The test may be wrong but she was still cheating. If the child is indeed yours how will affect your decision to R or D? For many here it would be a moot point.


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## Machiavelli

golfergirl said:


> Did you not read Elle's post? Quite the opposite. His wife is effed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, we posted at the same time. Here's some of the conflicting stuff I was reading:

_L.S. v. C.S. [2002] O.J. No. 1890 (Ont. C.J.), Justice Spence ruled that, before a putative father can be held liable to support a child, he must first be “given the opportunity to make a choice” as to whether to treat the child as his own. “By necessary implication, one must know, first, that he is not the biological father. Once he knows this, he then has a choice – either to form a conscious decision to treat the child as his own, or to refrain from doing so.”

This view was rejected in B.B. v. C.P.B. (2005) 18 R.F.L. (6th) 10 (Ont. C.J.). Justice Maresca stated: “Although the father may have made a different decision had he been advised of the facts at the time of the child’s birth, the fact is that he was a parent to the child for many years. …It is the sense of family and bonding between parent and child that is important, not whose DNA is lodged in the child’s cells.”

Cornelio v. Cornelio (2009) 65 R.F.L. (6th) 129 (Ont. S.C.J.) contradicted this view of the law. Justice van Rensburg stated that while the wife’s “failure…to disclose to her husband the fact that she had an extramarital affair and that the twins might not be his biological children may well have been a moral wrong…it is a wrong that does not afford him a legal remedy to recover child support he has already paid, and that does not permit him to stop paying child support.”_

At least at the time the above was written, it can go either way.


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## Acabado

If you ever try to R you need her to come clean with every boundarie crossed since early on your relationship and to back it up with a polygraph. I suspects serial cheating. She's lying like a pro, pure damage control, she knew it was very likely the kid was OMs. She knew the conception date. She's not stupid. She still risked again your life, her child's life by restarting her cheating ways 1'5 years later.

Lawyer is a must no matter what. Kick her out, at least for a while.


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## confusedhusband1

Brother I feel bad for you and I am sure you love your baby, But I would get the hell out of that situation. The baby is young enough not to remember you and what happened. What happens if your "wife" decides she doesn't want to be with you in a couple of years and you are really attatched to the child?


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## EleGirl

Machiavelli said:


> No, we posted at the same time. Here's some of the conflicting stuff I was reading:
> 
> _L.S. v. C.S. [2002] O.J. No. 1890 (Ont. C.J.), Justice Spence ruled that, before a putative father can be held liable to support a child, he must first be “given the opportunity to make a choice” as to whether to treat the child as his own. “By necessary implication, one must know, first, that he is not the biological father. Once he knows this, he then has a choice – either to form a conscious decision to treat the child as his own, or to refrain from doing so.”
> 
> This view was rejected in B.B. v. C.P.B. (2005) 18 R.F.L. (6th) 10 (Ont. C.J.). Justice Maresca stated: “Although the father may have made a different decision had he been advised of the facts at the time of the child’s birth, the fact is that he was a parent to the child *for many years*. …It is the sense of family and bonding between parent and child that is important, not whose DNA is lodged in the child’s cells.”
> 
> Cornelio v. Cornelio (2009) 65 R.F.L. (6th) 129 (Ont. S.C.J.) contradicted this view of the law. Justice van Rensburg stated that while the wife’s “failure…to disclose to her husband the fact that she had an extramarital affair and that the twins might not be his biological children may well have been a moral wrong…it is a wrong that does not afford him a legal remedy to recover child support he has already paid, and that does not permit him to stop paying child support.”_
> 
> At least at the time the above was written, it can go either way.


I think that the operative words above are "for many years". It is not fair to the children at that point. They have a father. The man who has been their father all those years.


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## EleGirl

confusedhusband1 said:


> Brother I feel bad for you and I am sure you love your baby, But I would get the hell out of that situation. The baby is young enough not to remember you and what happened. What happens if your "wife" decides she doesn't want to be with you in a couple of years and you are really attatched to the child?


He is currently the legal father of this child. He would remain the legal father of the child unless he chooses to give that up and the courts allow him to. 

His wife cannot unilaterally decide to remove his status as the legal father.


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## Machiavelli

EleGirl said:


> I think that the operative words above are "for many years". It is not fair to the children at that point. They have a father. The man who has been their father all those years.


That was just one decision. Notice there are more referenced at the link as recent as two years old and they are all over the map. Clearly, the case law is not settled. Confused needs a shyster and quickly.


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## Badblood

ShatteredWorld said:


> We have been dating for a few years (I am 39, she is 38) and just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
> 
> Our daughter just turned 6 months old.
> 
> Within the first year of our marrige, I caught her sexing on the computer, and logged it to find out what was happening. It looked like it had been going on 5 months or so.
> 
> I confronted, we went to councling, and she swore the sexting had never became physical.
> 
> I recently caught her sexting again with the same guy, so I sent away for a buccal swab test and the results came back excluding me 100% as being the biological father.
> 
> I have every emotion running through me that you would expect.
> 
> any advice?


OP, this is a very serious situation and our advice would be that of laymen, and cannot be taken as accurate. You need to get a good lawyer to sort this out for you and be able to tell you your options. This is beyond the scope of an internet forum.


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## Shaggy

While the province may stick you with being the father (because they don't want to be on the hook for pay for the kid), you can sue the OM for damages which in this case are the cost of raising the kid for 18 years plus post secondary schooling.

Sue the jerk for every possible dime you can get.

Obviously your wife was having lots of sex with him - you don't get preggers from a one time - he pulled out incident. she and he were going at it for a while - you're on the hook to pay for the kid - but you aren't on the hook to pay for your cheating wife who has been trying to pass off the OM's kid as yours.

For her the street is far too good.


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## Shaggy

So she's been sexting with the father of the kid - you now know beyond a shadow of a doubt where her loyalty lies.

Get a lawyer and bleed both her and the OM dry.


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## ShatteredWorld

Badblood said:


> OP, this is a very serious situation and our advice would be that of laymen, and cannot be taken as accurate. You need to get a good lawyer to sort this out for you and be able to tell you your options. This is beyond the scope of an internet forum.


I agree, however it is a Saturday night, and my mind wont let me sleep, and internet forums are all I have to help see different sides of this nightmare


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## jameskimp

There is no hope or coming back after what she did. Divorce her.

In the end, humans are innately instinctual and we all follow basic patterns. To make you understand why you cannot come back from this, this next statement may sound cold but it is supported by thousands of years of human evolution.

Nothing in worse in life than using resources to take care of another man's offspring. Further your genes, not his.


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## Shaggy

Women know who is the father of the kid - they know it in their gut.

She chose to play you, to have you raise another man's kid and to look at you ever day and think about what a tool you are.

I suggest you tell her not to ever come back and to see a lawyer money morning with the dual goals of: divorcing her and extracting blood from the OM. 

expose wide and far what she has done.

Cheating is nasty and evil.

Having a man raise another man's child as his own - that gone into pure evil territory.


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## larry.gray

EleGirl said:


> I'm also glad to see that now with DNA testing the courts are starting to see all of this differently.


Yeah, good for Canada. Now just if the US would follow along!


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## ShootMePlz!

There was a poster over at "survivinginfidelity.com" that had the same thing play out but he was in the US. The law allowed him 6 months from the time he discovered it to legally be removed from the birth certificate as the father. She didn't fight it though. (Alexa071) He is in the divorced section now but only because his wife didn't do what was needed to continue the marriage and he gave up.

You might also be able to change the B.C. but if you still want to stay married then can stay so. But she had to know when she had sex with him and that the due date was too close!!


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## EleGirl

larry.gray said:


> Yeah, good for Canada. Now just if the US would follow along!


According to the article I posted there have been some cases won in the USA so it's coming here as well.

The presumption that a child is the husband's comes from the time when we did not have DNA. We have the science now. No man should be forced to raise another man's child if he does not willingly agree to it.


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## theroad

EleGirl said:


> I think that the operative words above are "for many years". It is not fair to the children at that point. They have a father. The man who has been their father all those years.


Dam right it is not fair. The WW screwed over the BH.

The OM screwed over the BH.

No the OM's and WW kids/OC's are bending over the BH.

Every body is running a train in the BH. (reminder to buy some stock in Vasoline Monday morning).


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

That is awful! Personally I'd leave. I would not be willing to pay for someone else's child this early either. She must own up to her own mistakes.


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## warlock07

Getting out now would be the best for both you and the kid.


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## Kasler

I know you may like the child, but he/she isn't not yours. 

Also what do you think is going to happen if the father demands to be in its life. 

Plenty of men will knock girls up and show no interest in the child at birth. Few years down the line he pops up. 

Its horrible. I've seen cases where the mother who raised her child by herself from birth with an absentee father having to go, 5-2 days 2-5 days split custody with the man who just suddenly woke up one morning and decided to be dad 7 years later. (After the grueling sleepless nights and innumerable toddler expenses period ends and the fun raising-in-my-image buy clothes once a year period starts)

Happens all the time

Its really not fair, and if she decides a few years down the line she doesn't want to be with you, and the biological father steps up, the courts could see you cut out of a large part of the child's life if not altogether. 

It really comes down to the judge, but that can be a coin flip because despite they're claims of impartiality they truly are biased at their core beliefs and attitudes. 

You really want to risk going through all that?

And your wife didn't cheat on you once there was a lot of sex so do you even want to be in that relationship.

Also are you content with the child. 

I have a 15 month old son, and every time I look at the hazel eyes we share I feel an indescribable sense of pride while also feeling oddly humbled. 

When you look at that child, the fact that not a drop of your blood is running through her veins is always gonna be at the back of your head. Also anytime family history is being recorded for her they'll need the mother's and the OM's, not yours, EVERY TIME. This can easily be a huge trigger down the line.


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## aug

ShatteredWorld said:


> We have been dating for a few years (I am 39, she is 38) and just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
> 
> Our daughter just turned 6 months old.
> 
> Within the first year of our marrige, I caught her sexing on the computer, and logged it to find out what was happening. It looked like it had been going on 5 months or so.
> 
> I confronted, we went to councling, and she swore the sexting had never became physical.
> 
> I recently caught her sexting again with the same guy, so I sent away for a buccal swab test and the results came back excluding me 100% as being the biological father.
> 
> I have every emotion running through me that you would expect.
> 
> any advice?


Let's look at the timeline here.

Child is 6 months old. Pregnancy takes 38 weeks, or roughly 9 months. 6 + 9 is 15 months.

You have been married 2 years.

So, roughly 6 months into the marriage and she already fvcking someone else. She should had still been in the honeymoon phase of the marriage BUT she already wandered off.


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## happyman64

Shattered World

This is a tough situation to be in.

And this is a lousy situation that your wife has put you in......

Go see a lawyer so you know your rights.

Then take the time to think about what you want to do.

Also, you might need a 2nd DNA test as verification. It has happened on TAM that the 1st test was inconclusive or just wrong.

That was on OLD Mittens thread.

Has your wife given you a reaction to your news other than being upset?

Good Luck

HM64


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## TDSC60

Your wife is 38 years old and you said OM was engaged by an arranged marriage. How old is the OM?

It seems that the commonality of heritage and culture played a strong part in this. Especially so early in a marriage. That is something she will never control, it is who she is.


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## F-102

TDSC60 said:


> Your wife is 38 years old and you said OM was engaged by an arranged marriage. How old is the OM?
> 
> It seems that the commonality of heritage and culture played a strong part in this. Especially so early in a marriage. That is something she will never control, it is who she is.


I think that is whoami2012's thread.


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## F-102

Seriously bud, she is now begging you not to leave? Go over to tears' thread-that is a remorseful woman. Your W has shown NONE of those traits.


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## TDSC60

F-102 said:


> I think that is whoami2012's thread.


Your right. Wrong thread. Senior moment. Sorry OP.


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## ArmyofJuan

ShatteredWorld said:


> I hear what you are saying. I just feel I am in a complicated situation (which I am sure I am not).
> 
> My family is so proud of me to have had a child, my parents are glowing grandparents, I almost want to raise the child for my own fear of humiliation infront of my family.


The truth will come out one day anyway. When the child gets older its gonna want to know who the bio-dad is as well.




> My spouse and I own multiple income properties together, some in both names, some in her name, some in mine. The income properties we supposed to be our retierment plan, and I feel it would destroy all value in them to split them up properly.
> 
> I was there when my daugher was born, and even at 6 months I love her, and wouldnt want her to grow up with a single mom. (the OM moved 500km away, and has no job, so I'm sure my wife - who is a professional, wouldnt shack up with him).
> 
> Lastly, I run the family business (but do not own it), and as such, my income is very very low - the company provides everything I need.
> 
> Im just not sure about anything


These are just excuses. Yea its gonna be hard but at the end of the day its only money and the child doesn't even really know you yet.

Bottom line is that your W is a liar and a cheat. She KNEW the child wasn't yours, there's just no way she didn't. Is this the W you wanted to have? You would have an unfaithful W and she would get rewarded with a faithful husband to raise her lover's child. How do you benefit from this?

I could not in good conscience ever suggest staying in a M when the W has another man’s child. That is the ultimate humiliation for a man (IMHO) and would D out of principle. When I was in my early twenties my gf at the time had a kid and claimed it was mine. After a year I verified it was not and I jumped ship. I felt bad about doing it at the time but it was the right decision. The gf was a compulsive liar and I’m sure my life would had been hell if I stayed for the kid.


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## Jellybeans

Shattered,

To me, this is the worst situation that could happen.

She cheated, became pregnant, she cheated again, and passed the baby off as yours.

That is repehensible. 

Had you never done a test, you would have never found out.

I would seriously consider divorcing her. It's hard enough w/ cheating but w/ everything else that has happened, I don't see how you would ever trust or respect her again.


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## badbane

ShatteredWorld said:


> Also, I just found out this morning, and confronted her over the phone (as she is out of town visiting family - which I know to be true since we have iphones and we face time)
> 
> Also, since having the baby, we have never been closer.
> 
> After my phone confrontating, she is having a complete breakdown, and begging me not to leave. This pains me so much because I still love her.
> 
> I should never have done the test, Im a mess


Yes you should have. the fact that your wife didn't even try to come clean shows how morally corrupt she is. I think for your sake you need to start really being honest with yourself. Look long term. Your wife did all of this to you. While as much as you want to believe that child is yours she is not. She won't grow up to look like you. You should not be saying why did I send in that test. You should be saying why did my wife do this to me. 
You have not done anything wrong but marry a cheater. 
IMO you need to decide if you want to stay with your wife. You aren't doing your adopted daughter any good by staying in a broken marriage. I can only imagine the amount of resentment you will harbor if you decide to stay and don't make peace with all of this. 
R is a very long hard road. Your wife betrayed you in soooooo many ways. She had a long term EA, and PA. She then did a false R, then started up the A again. Then she betrayed you in what to me seems the ultimate betrayal. She gave another man a child over you. 

You will have to face these demons. just because you were ignorant doesn't mean those demons were never there. It means that you would have been in a marriage with a long term cheater who would have exposed your daughter / now adopted daughter ( if you choose R) to a broken childhood. 
Do you want to stay with your wife? Does her cheating mean you will never be able to trust her again? IS your wife truly remorseful for what she has done? (or is she just upset cause she got caught) IF you do stay my friend you are going to have to face A LOT of demons. 
I don't think you should make this decision right now. I think you need to get away from the house. You need to at least get your name off of the birth certificate. Then if you want to be in your daughters life adopt her and share custody. Or You can cut ties now. Find a woman willing to be loyal, loving , and will happily give you a child. 
It's your call.


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## lucky me

Are you sure its just one guy? Could be more than just one. Good luck


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## hookares

lucky me said:


> Are you sure its just one guy? Could be more than just one. Good luck


This couldn't be more true. The only thing the OP has going for him presently is she's only had one child and may even know who the father is.
It could have been two kids by different fathers and she didn't even know their names. He has made this discovery early on so if he can get away from her now, he will be miles ahead no matter what the financial cost may be.


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## Runs like Dog

Call me old fashioned. I genuinely cannot understand how some cheating girl can get pregnant accidentally. Either she's got a screw loose, wants to have than man's kid or is borderline retarded.


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## badbane

Runs like Dog said:


> Call me old fashioned. I genuinely cannot understand how some cheating girl can get pregnant accidentally. Either she's got a screw loose, wants to have than man's kid or is borderline retarded.


She had unprotected sex with someone other than her husband. There is no accident there.


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## somethingelse

Runs like Dog said:


> Call me old fashioned. I genuinely cannot understand how some cheating girl can get pregnant accidentally. Either she's got a screw loose, wants to have than man's kid or is borderline retarded.


Well then...she must have some screws loose


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## southern wife

Shattered,

I think we all agree that this is a terrible situation. But *there is an innocent child involved*. And no doubt you love that baby and want what is best for it. 

You seem like a strong, level-headed man, that is financially stable and can take care of this child. Lord knows, someone with half a brain needs to. If you love the baby, how could you just walk away from it?

Whether you R or D with your wife, please consider what happens to the baby, instead of just walking away; no child deserves that. And your wife seems very unstable. I'd be afraid to leave it in her care.

I really wish you the best with this situation.


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## oneMOreguy

southern wife said:


> Shattered,
> 
> I think we all agree that this is a terrible situation. But *there is an innocent child involved*. And no doubt you love that baby and want what is best for it.
> 
> You seem like a strong, level-headed man, that is financially stable and can take care of this child. Lord knows, someone with half a brain needs to. If you love the baby, how could you just walk away from it?
> 
> Whether you R or D with your wife, please consider what happens to the baby, instead of just walking away; no child deserves that. And your wife seems very unstable.
> 
> I really wish you the best with this situation.


I hope it is ok to completely disagree with you on this one......at 6 months, the love he feels for the child he is looking at is based only on a concept, the belief that he is looking at a piece of life that came from a loving act between him and a wife who loves him back just as much. It is the concept of him and his loving partner in the future helping their child down the path of life.

None of this now exists. The child is of course innocent....but the world is full of those. With this scenario, and the child being so young, it is likely that he will have minimal influence over the child's future, but will have maximum financial responsibility. It seems best that the biological father be the one who bears responsibility from this point forward.


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## snap

southern wife said:


> You seem like a strong, level-headed man, that is financially stable and can take care of this child. Lord knows, someone with half a brain needs to. If you love the baby, how could you just walk away from it?


SW, this is closest thing to rape pregnancy a man can experience.

The child will be fine, the OP doesn't need to sacrifice his sanity for his wife's choices.


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## aug

southern wife said:


> Shattered,
> 
> I think we all agree that this is a terrible situation. But *there is an innocent child involved*. And no doubt you love that baby and want what is best for it.
> 
> You seem like a strong, level-headed man, that is financially stable and can take care of this child. Lord knows, someone with half a brain needs to. If you love the baby, how could you just walk away from it?
> 
> Whether you R or D with your wife, please consider what happens to the baby, instead of just walking away; no child deserves that. And your wife seems very unstable. I'd be afraid to leave it in her care.
> 
> I really wish you the best with this situation.



The key responsibility for the baby belongs to his wife and her lover, the biological father.

There's no duty owed by ShatteredWorld to the baby. It was not a choice he made. It was a fraud hoisted on him by his wife and her lover.


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## Malaise

aug said:


> The key responsibility for the baby belongs to his wife and her lover, the biological father.
> 
> There's no duty owed by ShatteredWorld to the baby. It was not a choice he made. It was a fraud hoisted on him by his wife and her lover.


:iagree:


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## costa200

> You seem like a strong, level-headed man, that is financially stable and can take care of this child. Lord knows, someone with half a brain needs to. If you love the baby, how could you just walk away from it?


How? Just like this:










Real quickly. The love he may feel for the baby was induced by deceit. It would not exist otherwise. The hormonal condition that sustains it will subside in months. 

There is no way the OP should allow himself to be chained to this situation like that. Besides the innocent baby, the OP is himself innocent of this situation.


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## F-102

Did the OP sign the birth certificate? In most states, that would make legally, and financially, responsible for the kid, even with a DNA test.


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## lordmayhem

Runs like Dog said:


> Call me old fashioned. I genuinely cannot understand how some cheating girl can get pregnant accidentally. Either she's got a screw loose, wants to have than man's kid or is borderline retarded.


Actually, it happens quite frequently. Why? Because we all know that Affair Sex is almost always unprotected sex. It adds to the thrill.

I remember working with a guy who complained that his wife would not, under any circumstances, have sex with him, because she was fearful of getting pregnant again. They had two young daughters and they were wild and a handful. 

So what does he do? He gets a vasectomy in order to please his wife and so she will have sex with him again. Did it work? Nope. She still refused to have sex with him.

Then it comes out that she was screwing just about every guy she worked with at work. They got divorced and she left him and both their daughters because she said she wanted her "freedom". So she starts her partygirl lifestyle and what happens? She gets knocked up right away and didn't know who the father is. By this time, my coworker, who is a very good man, remarries and finds a woman that loves him. So much for her "freedom". :rofl:

Last I heard, he was trying to have the vasectomy reversed.


----------



## larry.gray

southern wife said:


> You seem like a strong, level-headed man, that is financially stable and can take care of this child. Lord knows, someone with half a brain needs to. If you love the baby, how could you just walk away from it?


I'll keep repeating the phrase "As a woman, you can't comprehend how it would feel to be fooled into thinking a child is yours when it is not."

We've tamed our base instincts to become a civilized society. But those base instincts still simmer under the surface. Walking away is far better than doing what those base instincts would drive a man to do in this situation.


----------



## Jonesey

southern wife said:


> Shattered,
> 
> I think we all agree that this is a terrible situation. But *there is an innocent child involved*. And no doubt you love that baby and want what is best for it.
> 
> You seem like a strong, level-headed man, that is financially stable and can take care of this child. Lord knows, someone with half a brain needs to. If you love the baby, how could you just walk away from it?
> 
> Whether you R or D with your wife, please consider what happens to the baby, instead of just walking away; no child deserves that. And your wife seems very unstable. I'd be afraid to leave it in her care.
> 
> I really wish you the best with this situation.


Here is look, OP would have if he would have known what he was asked to sign.If he knew.


----------

