# Am I the only one that feels this way?



## Ms.Mya (Jul 12, 2012)

I have been struggling for years with my marriage. I can honestly say that I have only been happy a very few times with him. I'm finding that the longer that I stay with him, my feelings are intensifying negatively. First of all, we've been married 18 years. I married him on a whim. I was young and stupid. We eloped and at the alter, I almost said "No" during our vows but I didn't want to hurt him. Instead I hurt myself. Currently we have 3 beautiful kids. I was always the stronghold of the family. The bread winner if you will. I paid 75% of the bills while he got to spend his money on his toys. He was always immature and I felt like I was raising 4 children. 
Our problems have went on for about 16 years. During those 16 years, we had major issues and almost separated but didn't because of the children. He promised me the world that he would change and I stayed with him (for the 100th time). Over the past 2 years.. things have spiraled downhill even more. I have had some health issues to the point that I'm not able to work full time nor bring in $$ to pay the bills. He neglected to pay my car payment and it actually got repossessed but in the meantime he paid his truck off a month later... When I counted on him the most (after all my years of service) he does this to me. But this is not the first time he's hurt me.. I believe there has been infidelity in the past too. Major problems. But he always says he's going to change. 
Well I'm at the point of walking away from it all. I don't talk to him much anymore. I actually don't even care to be around him. I haven't been sexually attracted to him in 10+ years. He says that I'm distant to him... and yells at me by saying "what's your problem?!"... I think the hurt is done. I'm numb to the marriage anymore. I would seriously walk away from this house and him, and work 2 jobs to make ends meet. Has anyone else felt like this? Am I the only one?


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## unsure&lost (Jul 3, 2012)

Wow u r right. We do have the same thing going on. I have only been married for 2 years but with him for 7. You are so not alone. Ppl ask how i do it how i stay and deal with so much. Cause i dont want to be a failure but like you said i also would rather leave my home work a full time job live at my parents and be happy. I have been do all for years. Sure he has the high pay job...but what has made me lose faith and respect is the recent turn inevents. His seizure condition came back. Since he is not aloud to work or drive i still do it all and now more. And he does nothing. Sure cut the grass emppty dishwasher. But i do everything else. Fixing broken things etc. There is so much we need done with our house. Before he worked alot so it was hard. Now he dont so there is no excuse. Plus he dont seem to care to learn about his condition or remember any of the episodes and timeframes nothing. And this is what is scaring me now. How canhe take care of me if needed when he cant take care of himself. He dont even know what meds i take or why. He dont know when bills are due. He dont care about car maintance. I feel like i have to hold his hand or do for him. He dont make choices cause i think he rather me so he can be mad at me if things go wrong. I am just so dissappionted.

Sorry to ramble just frustrated. So you sre not alone. I understand with staying to not hurt jis feelings. I do that too. But all i am doing is hurting myself and my daughter. But i just dont know where to start. Dont wanna be thd mean one. Rather snap and poof it all be gone. Lol. 


I dont know how you have done it so long without going insane. But i understand at the same time


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## Ms.Mya (Jul 12, 2012)

I am thinking that I'm going insane... he's making me. 

This seizure disorder that your husband has.... When did he get diagnosed? And what kids of seizure disorder does he have? I'm a Registered Nurse and am just curious. Depending on how severe his seizures are and the frequency can relate to his forgetfulness... However there's another side.. There's a possibility that he's using this seizure disorder as an excuse to act the way that he is. He's dumped alot on your shoulders. 

But there were problems before his health went bad, right? Did you love him before all this went down? I can honestly say that I love my husband for who he is and for being the father to our children.. but I'm not in love with him... I know he's not the one for me. That's hard to deal with. My dilemma is do I stay for the children's sake and be miserable (and stay unhappy)? Believe me it's affecting the kids too.. I'm starting to snap at the kids and pay less attention to them because of my "numbness" to this marriage.. Or do I just leave the marriage to find inner peace and find happiness for my children's sake? I've talked to my kids... My oldest one (almost 18) basically says its up to me, she knows that I'm not happy and wants to see me happy. My middle one says she doesn't care.. my son (the youngest) cries over the thought of it. What do I do? Do I just do it and end the relationship? And how??


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## unsure&lost (Jul 3, 2012)

His first seizure was in 2005 and was seizure free. We had alot of issues when we decided to move in together. Still think to this day that there was alot of signs pointing leave..... but i felt thay it was me wanting to run. His next seizure was in 2011. Then jan 2012 then may then june. The 2005 and 2011 was grandmal and the recent ones was complex partial. He never wants to learn about any of it. Im sure it is frustrating for him i cant even imagine. However he dont see that it isnt just him dealing with it. He has been mean and stuff before these recent seizures. But am afraid he will now blame things he dont remember on this new type of seizure. My husband always makes excuses. 

Just today he said he was bored. Told him go oitside...its to hot. Go wash your car...why so birds can poop on it. Its something to do...cant we are under a drought. I said go put your new seat covers and steering cober on and clean out your car. He said nothing. I was wondering about the drought thing cause the only call i got was a ban on open burning. I asked about the call cause i was wondering was this just a fid for a excuse. He first said they called the other day...then it was friday... then he said it was on aswer machine. I looked online because i was not sure exactly what extreme of no water use we was under. Then he blamed me for npt believing him. I told him i am not attacking you i am trying to find out more. Then he turned it on me saying you dont like when i dont listen to you aand then do the same same you mentioned cause someone else told me. And i ssaid what we are talking about water...which is nothimg like me saying you need to keep a journal of your seizures so you always habe the info....then you say what do you know your not a doctor....but only do the journal once a MAN tells you. I told him you always turn the tables and always wanna win.

His remembering or not was always a big arguement. He always tells me i remember things that arent important. He only remembers things he feels he should know. And etc...always excuses. I used to think it was nothing. And i am sure i wouldnt be dealing with the thought of divorce if all tjisseizure stuff didnt come up. But i see know with his lack of wanting to learn and asking questions and dont understand that everyone goes through it and its not easy to go back to normal like its all ok. That i can bewith someone like that. He takes no interest in my OCD. And if i amworried he says its just your OCD and itell him you dont even know what it is. You dont even know my meds or nothing so dont blame my true worries on something else.

Intamicey is out the window it was always so difficult to even have sex. Had to plan a day????? And then it was more planned like and not fun or enjoyable. Just really odd. My father isso afraid i am going to have a nervous break down. He dont even know how i do it all and not break. But he dont know that i am breaking. I hate showing him cause i hate seeing my father cry and i know he is worried about me.

As for children eventhough it seems better to stay for them. I know it is the worse thing....it will affect them in ways not known till later. Important thing is we...ourselves need to be happy. Because they will grow and have there own families one day. Either way it is still just hard to know how to leave. Because it is just easier to stay where everything already is and just deal.... but i want to but i have to figure out how to walk away because every piece of me is broken and i cant feel bad anymore because i am lost i am drowning i feel like i need to always change myself and my feelings to not geet in fights. And at some point when my daughter grows up i will be left with a empty life and marriage with nothing to talk about or no feelings...just numb.

I have never been so disappointed in a person. I feel let down. And mu daughter told me she was really happy to have him as a dad but just recently she said she feels let down by him and his actions and how he talks to her. That isnt fair to her. 

I hope that you and i can both find the strength to do what is best...because even though i dont know you well i know we both deserve to be happy.


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## unsure&lost (Jul 3, 2012)

Ms.Mya said:


> My dilemma is do I stay for the children's sake and be miserable (and stay unhappy)? Believe me it's affecting the kids too.. I'm starting to snap at the kids and pay less attention to them because of my "numbness" to this marriage.. Or do I just leave the marriage to find inner peace and find happiness for my children's sake? I've talked to my kids... My oldest one (almost 18) basically says its up to me, she knows that I'm not happy and wants to see me happy. My middle one says she doesn't care.. my son (the youngest) cries over the thought of it. What do I do? Do I just do it and end the relationship? And how??


I loved my husband before and now not so much. Not in love. I to snap at my daughter and find everything exhausting. My daughter is at the point she dont care what i do. She just wants to stay in the joise...but without him... but she knows i cant afford it and that grandmas and grandpas is just as good. We was there the first 6 years of her life. Whats another 8 before college. I am the one wjo loses alot. My own kitchen living room storage decorating. My own yard etc. I feel like a failure. I couldnt keep her real dad in her life. And then we do all this and now im taking another dad away and our home. I hate it.


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