# Found some information - need advice



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Almost a year ago my then 45 yr old W mentioned some ex-pro ball player who was now working at her company. We used to do lunch when I was in the neighborhood and this all stopped about that time. She never had time all the sudden.

In the fall I noticed her not being engaged in our marriage which I brought up and a fight happened. Come February when things got worse, and I confronted her, she said she wanted a divorce.

I had checked her phone for emails and txts and did not find anything, but over this weekend she left her work emails up and I happened to notice the many emails especially to and from this guy. Reading through them it was obvious they do lunch all the time and she is always asking him to go. Never has time for me but 33 year old baseball stud of course.

I can't imagine they are doing anything more, although I know it is possible. What should I do with this information? We are seeing a MC and thought we were making progress, but this may change that. Thoughts please.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I hope you printed them out!

If not quitely gather the evidence, hire a PI, but a voice activated recorder hidden in her car, and a keylogger on the computer.

Once you have what you need you then confront her.


Doing this will prevent her from giving you the old "were just friends". Doing ,bring to light the realization that she is in an affair...there no denying that. Sometimes thats the hardest obstical,is getting them to admit the unthinkable.

Some how they justify the affair but will never admit it until its stearing them in the face.

Cheaters lie and will lie, lie, and lie you need proof so the both of you can face this. 

Trust me she will never tell you the truth.."they don't want to hurt us" so please continue on your quest for the truth and don't bother asking her, and remember no begging or pleading with them..that just pushes them away even further.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

the guy said:


> I hope you printed them out!
> 
> If not quitely gather the evidence, hire a PI, but a voice activated recorder hidden in her car, and a keylogger on the computer.
> 
> ...


I did forward some of the emails to myself and to screen shots of the many exchanges. In none of the emails does it say much other than meeting for lunch and her catching him up on her world. I did also find she was googling this guys information from our home pc. 

I am certain she has a thing for him, but not sure how far it has gone. I wonder if I should bring this up at the MC session?


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

It has gone too far! That's how far. Get the evidence. Ask your MC for a private session to get input on how to handle. She already said she wanted a divorce, and the steps you need to take will either make divorce more likely or it may cause her to realize she really will lose you if she doesn't get on the right track. Be strong. You need friends to talk to.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

Get all the facts. Might even find this guys dirty laundry because if he is a pro sports player chances are he's been around the block. I'd hate to see you end up with some disease.

You might try just showing up at her work after she said "i don't have time for lunch with you" and tag along to see where they go or better hire a PI to get whatever you need. doing lunch could mean a 1 hour hotel room for all you know.

There are programs for cell phones that let you read every text, every call, every email ect... Might even consider that. 

Anyway protect yourself from diseases but don't close your heart to your wife. Sometimes we can see into things stuff that isn't there because of jealousy or other powerful emotions. 

Tread easy, protect yourself and god bless.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

This is me said:


> Almost a year ago my then 45 yr old W mentioned some ex-pro ball player who was now working at her company. We used to do lunch when I was in the neighborhood and this all stopped about that time. She never had time all the sudden.
> 
> In the fall I noticed her not being engaged in our marriage which I brought up and a fight happened. Come February when things got worse, and I confronted her, she said she wanted a divorce.
> 
> ...


Sigh.

A year. Since then she wants a divorce and has been upping her sex rank. You know I want to be kind here but if he is an ex pro ball player there is no question with her actions that they have not been there and back more than a few times.

I would bring this up in the MC session. She can deny all she wants. I think she is hanging around to get what she can get and then move on.

That said the emails were only about lunch? Depending on her job they may be on good behavior there as emails are generally monitored by companies.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

VLR said:


> It has gone too far! That's how far. Get the evidence. *Ask your MC for a private session t*o get input on how to handle. She already said she wanted a divorce, and the steps you need to take will either make divorce more likely or it may cause her to realize she really will lose you if she doesn't get on the right track. Be strong. You need friends to talk to.


Yes. Good advice.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

VLR said:


> It has gone too far! That's how far. Get the evidence. Ask your MC for a private session to get input on how to handle. She already said she wanted a divorce, and the steps you need to take will either make divorce more likely or it may cause her to realize she really will lose you if she doesn't get on the right track. Be strong. You need friends to talk to.


I appreciate the feedback. I will ask for a private meeting with the MC. I stopped the 180 when she reacted with tears and a breakdown. I think it made her look at losing me, but since then I now find these emails with her doing lunch with this guy and worded so sweet like they used to for me. 

I do have a confidant who took the call shortly after I found them. Unlike her I have been trying not to involve too many around us in this, to protect the possible salvage of this relationship.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

VLR said:


> It has gone too far! That's how far. Get the evidence. Ask your MC for a private session to get input on how to handle. She already said she wanted a divorce, and the steps you need to take will either make divorce more likely or it may cause her to realize she really will lose you if she doesn't get on the right track. Be strong. You need friends to talk to.


VLR thank you. I did contact our MC today and shared everything I know and have. There really is no concrete proof of anything other than lunches. As bad as it looks and having repeated my findings a couple times, the MC pointed to the fact I am being reactive. I will sit on this for now. I will have to find a way to address this guy with her at some point, but there is not enough proof of anything other than lunches to open a can of worms when there have been some slight improvements.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Get a VAR asap. best investment I ever made. 

Opened up a whole world of information I would have never known about otherwise. 

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Protect yourself any way you know how.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

if they work together and use company email, a var probably isn't going to help. if you can, go to her work and see where she goes for lunch and watch them. see how they react together (or if they go to lunch at all).


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Married&Confused said:


> if they work together and use company email, a var probably isn't going to help. if you can, go to her work and see where she goes for lunch and watch them. see how they react together (or if they go to lunch at all).


Best idea yet


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> Get a VAR asap. best investment I ever made.
> 
> Opened up a whole world of information I would have never known about otherwise.
> 
> I'm sorry this is happening to you. Protect yourself any way you know how.


I amy sound ignorant, but what is a VAR?


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Married&Confused said:


> if they work together and use company email, a var probably isn't going to help. if you can, go to her work and see where she goes for lunch and watch them. see how they react together (or if they go to lunch at all).


I only have access to her work emails for a couple of days as her passcodes change. She needed my help to access from home and shared them with me. It is rare for her to access from home, let alone share with me her passcodes.


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