# Need Advice-Wife Went Back to Affair



## Trojans1980 (Mar 19, 2015)

So I am going to make this brief, but would love to hear advice/perspective, etc.

About 5 months ago I confronted my wife about evidence I had that she might be having a physical affair. After some denial she finally admitted to it. It had been going on for some time (maybe a year). I didn't grill her on it and pretty much moved on from it. We continued on in our marriage as if nothing had happened.

I recently found her phone (it is usually locked so I can't look at it even if I wanted to). I found recent text messages from the lover. It turns out that she had gone back to him not long after I confronted her.

Now, I am no angel myself, and I really want to make this work. We have young kids, and we really do love each other very much.

Is there any hope here? What are the odds?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> we really do love each other very much.


Nope...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You're not going to be able to save your marriage until she knows that you're willing to end it.

Having said that, I'd end it.

Sorry. 

ETA: Please explain the "I'm no angel myself" comment.

ETA #2: Young kids and cheating wife? DNA your kids.


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## Trojans1980 (Mar 19, 2015)

There is no question the kids are mine. And all this happened well after the kids were born.

I myself had a few sensual massages. My wife suspected me and I confessed to her. She thought I was having an affair, which I guess I was. When I confessed, I got it out of her that she had been cheating. I thought we moved forward from that. I stopped my behavior (although continually tempted), but I found out that she had not stopped hers. 

I know I messed up, she knew she messed up, and I thought we were moving forward.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

You and your wife are acting like this is some teenage drama. Get serious or get out.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Trojans1980 said:


> There is no question the kids are mine. And all this happened well after the kids were born.


Yeah, because she couldn't have _possibly_ cheated before they were born. /sarcasm



Trojans1980 said:


> I myself had a few sensual massages. My wife suspected me and I confessed to her. She thought I was having an affair, which I guess I was. When I confessed, I got it out of her that she had been cheating. I thought we moved forward from that. I stopped my behavior (although continually tempted), but I found out that she had not stopped hers.


:slap:



Trojans1980 said:


> I know I messed up, she knew she messed up, and I thought we were moving forward.


OK... so have you confronted her w/ your most recent discovery?

And BTW, if your marriage is going to survive, all of this "I don't have her passwords and she doesn't have mine" bullsh*t has to end. Honesty and transparency is what will fix your marriage, not more sneaking and skulking around.


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## Trojans1980 (Mar 19, 2015)

I said the kids are mine because they look exactly like me. I don't think there is any question.

I did confront her about this recent text exchange. She admitted she went back to him. But she claims that she loves me and things have actually been really good since I confronted her. We have been really close, lots of sex, etc. but am I fooling myself? Have I been too forgiving?

I think we need to see a counselor.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Is there any hope here? What are the odds?


Yes there is hope but you both must be *100% committed to restoration for YEARS!* You and she must do everything that will help you heal and use every source for help.

The odds are against you, around a 1% chance, that you will achieve a very rich relationship

The odds are against you, around a 10%-20% chance, that you will achieve a very good relationship

The odds are against you, around 50% that you will achieve a good relationship.
IMO


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## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

Trojans1980 said:


> I think we need to see a counselor.


You don't need a counselor, you need a divorce lawyer

Dday 2 means she doesn't give a rat a5s about your pain after her initial betrayal, it means that she put OM above you, above your kids' stability. Is that the kind of wife that you want ? Is this acceptable to you ?

No one is an angel but one is clearly a remorseless sinner. She's a cake eater Trojan, let her go


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Another clear example that rugsweeping infidelity simply will not work.

You and your WW have failed to deal with either one of your cheating behaviors.

Pretending that they never happened and just 'moving on' WILL NOT work.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that if she refuses to end the A instantly and go to both individual and marriage counseling for each of you to deal with yours and her infidelity, then you will expose her continuing A and file for D instantly.

If you have to expose, do not hide your own sh*tty behavior, but point out that she was already in an A at the time as well, and has since restarted it after you both decided to work on saving the M...and after catching her again, she is refusing to stop so you are filing for D.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Dyokemm said:


> Another clear example that rugsweeping infidelity simply will not work.
> 
> You and your WW have failed to deal with either one of your cheating behaviors.
> 
> ...


Absobloodylutely! 

What a mess.

For the sake of your kids, sit down and discuss if you ACTUALLY want to be together.

Be honest and if you do, then both of you need to start IC and MC as it sounds like communication is a major issue.

Personally, I can't see how it could possibly work out and wouldn't bother.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

Trojans1980 said:


> So I am going to make this brief, but would love to hear advice/perspective, etc.
> 
> About 5 months ago I confronted my wife about evidence I had that she might be having a physical affair. After some denial she finally admitted to it. It had been going on for some time (maybe a year). I didn't grill her on it and pretty much moved on from it. We continued on in our marriage as if nothing had happened.
> 
> ...



*She is disrespecting you and the kids too. You have to think of what is best for the kids. I am wishing nothing but the best for you and your kids. *


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

While you sit and ponder what you are going to do (Unless you man up and take responsibility for your actions and demand that your wife takes responsibility for her actions) get tested for STD's and do not have sex with your wife or anyone else. I would also recommend that she does also . 

Why would she stop if you do not value your marriage vows and take it as tit for tat.


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## cgiles (Dec 10, 2014)

Trojans1980 said:


> I said the kids are mine because they look exactly like me. I don't think there is any question.


Adopted children look like their parents. We imite the facial expression of our parents, so we look like them.

If you didn't read it yet, look at this, and especially the part about reconciliation vs rugsweeping : http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

And like Gus said :


> You're not going to be able to save your marriage until she knows that you're willing to end it.


In other word, if you want to save your marriage, you need to be ready to lose it. 
And the one who is ready to walk away of a relationship, control it. 

It doesn't mean you should not love your wife and invest in your relationship. It means if your wife knows than the next time she goes to meet her lover, she will be served and you will not look back to your marriage, she will never go back to her lover if she cares about her marriage.

As you give her a second chance and she burned it, you should start to be ready to found out she burned her third chance too.

So apply the 180lists and read "no more mr nice guy" by Robert Glover. I don't advice this for save your marriage, I advice this for be happy by yourself with or without her. 

And don't stick for the kids. Is Divorce Bad for Children? - Scientific American


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Trojans1980 said:


> I said the kids are mine because they look exactly like me. I don't think there is any question.
> 
> I did confront her about this recent text exchange. She admitted she went back to him. *But she claims that she loves me and things have actually been really good since I confronted her*. We have been really close, lots of sex, etc. but am I fooling myself? Have I been too forgiving?
> 
> I think we need to see a counselor.


So, let me get this straight....
She admitted she is continuing to sleep with another man...
you know this......
but in your world "things have actually been good since I confronted.........

So then, you know she's sleeping around, and you are apparently OK with that:scratchhead:


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Trojans1980 said:


> I said the kids are mine because they look exactly like me. I don't think there is any question.
> 
> Do Tell. Both of "our" kids looked just like my ex-wife.
> Turned out that they had two different fathers and I
> ...


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Trojans1980 said:


> I did confront her about this recent text exchange. She admitted she went back to him. But she claims that she loves me and things have actually been really good since I confronted her. We have been really close, lots of sex, etc. but am I fooling myself? Have I been too forgiving?


Yes. She would be a fool to end her affair under current conditions. She has you for family, companionship and security. She can date the OM for excitement. What a deal. All you did was confront her and get sex. You didn’t even put her on “Double Secret Probation.”

_*“Originally used in the 1978 American college classic film "Animal House," Dean Wormer puts the rowdy Delta Tau Chi fraternity on a "double secret probation," since the Delta House is already on probation. The term has since evolved to mean the act of being on probation while still partying on a regular basis.”*_

You need to do the 180.

As an alternative I would suggest an open marriage but you do gain something from NOT having one. The way things are she at least has to be discreet about her ongoing affair. If you had an open marriage she could flaunt it more.

*******************************************

*Originally Posted by BetrayedH *


"Some people do use the 180 as a strategy to try to make themselves more attractive to the wayward spouse, to lure them back.

Most people will tell you, though, that the 180 is really for you. It is not a game. The idea is to actually begin to detach and live your life for you, not for her. She has chosen an affair and you have chosen to move on. 

So you need to demonstrate that with actions. You no longer hang on her every word. In fact, you don't care about her words because you are worried about yourself. You don't beg or plead, you don't make expressions of love, or talk about fixing the marriage. 

You don't really talk about hate either. The opposite of love is not hate. Hate implies that you still care and that she has power over you. The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. 

You need to respect yourself. And the way you do that is by not accepting unacceptable behavior. The 180 gives you an appropriate response. You turn your back on that unacceptable behavior and you focus on yourself.

It is true that sometimes doing the 180 and filing for divorce is sometimes a show of strength to the wayward spouse that is very attractive. Personally, I suggest you just use it to help you to respect yourself. 

Many betrayed spouses are just so shocked and devastated that they sit and cry, and beg and plead. That is very damaging to an already damaged ego. And it's wrong because it puts the wayward in a position of power when they've been holding the cards long enough. So, do a 180 of that."


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

You treat the rub and tug as not cheating.. Yea you said you conceded it was. But it almost seems begrudgingly you did..

You come off with the notion like this is what real men do.. Guys cheat, we mess around.. You're not a real guy if you don't.. 

And then before even knowing your wife was cheating you admit you were still tempted to continue going to the rub and tugs..

Its sort of also clear you are equating sex with love or a good relationship.. Which is the furthest from the truth. 

I hate to tell you this but you come off a bit immature and insensitive.. I feel like I'm dealing with one of my neighbors here in Brooklyn NY... 

You need to screw your head on straight.. Honestly I don't think either of you get it.. 

As for your issues with your wife.. YOU basically rug swept this whole affair.. Like it never happened.. No good.. 

Yes you need counseling.. But she needs to cut this guy out cold turkey, which I don't think is gonna happen.. 

My Ex wife jerked me around for 4 months pretending to want to fix it before I caught her again and she left.. Don't be surprised that a year+ into this relationship that this is where they are at.. 

Again you are giving the impression that this is too much effort then you are willing to put into it to fix it.. 

If you think going to a 2 therapy sessions will fix this you're in for a rude awaking. 

Do you have the strength and fortitude to do this for the next year or so to come ? Because it could that long and probably longer..


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You are both cheating and you both know it. As a result, you are so busy giving each other a pass - the playing field is level, etc. - that you won't do the hard work necessary to try to save this. Neither one of you will demand that the other be transparent and accountable because in your heads that would be hypocritical and unfair.

If you both decide that you want the marriage, you have to do the work to try to repair it. You've both been taking an ax to it. It will take commitment and honesty to try to repair it. You would need counseling, in my opinion. And you would both have to learn to be honest and honorable. You would both have to stop lying and cheating.This is hard work after what you have made of the marriage.

(Around here, people always say that admitting to a kiss means that he/she had sex. I wonder how you translate 'sensual massage.')


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

You're getting the straight good here Trojan.

Sorry to say you're getting jobbed on this. She's banging another dude right under your nose. Deep down you know in your heart she's telling you what you want to hear. But if she did love you she wouldn't want him. But she does.

All the niceness and romance in the world won't win her back. This relationship has been ruined by her not wanting it anymore. I wont get in to your rub-n-tug. Doesn't even bother me since she forgave.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

This is going to be a very difficult marriage to heal if that is what you both want to do. Love is not enough in any marriage. There also has to be trust and respect. You don't trust your wife and she doesn't trust you. You don't respect your wife and she doesn't respect you. Unless you both commit to the relationship and each other fully there is no recovering this marriage.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Trojans1980 said:


> I myself had a few sensual massages. My wife suspected me and I confessed to her. She thought I was having an affair, which I guess I was. When I confessed, I got it out of her that she had been cheating. I thought we moved forward from that. I stopped my behavior (although continually tempted), but I found out that she had not stopped hers.


 You getting a few sensual massages is physical cheating. Her having a lover is both emotional and physical cheating, with her physical cheating being more extensive. You were remorseful enough to stop, while she was not remorseful and did not stop. Putting what you did on the same level as what she did was your first mistake. Rug sweeping the whole thing was your second mistake. Not insisting on full transparency which includes all passwords, and full no contact with her lover, was your third mistake.



Trojans1980 said:


> I thought we were moving forward.


 She has moved forward, just not with you.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

> She admitted she went back to him.


Trojan

What did she go back to him for?

Emotions, sex?

Your wife has a strange way of showing you that she loves you.....

Just think of how good your marriage could be if you both stopped cheating on each other.

All you are doing is shortchanging your marriage and family.

HM


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

[QUOTE=Trojans1980;1216348 and we really do love each other very much

She has a funny way of showing her love. I could think of a lot better ways to show love then she's showing.


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## Trojans1980 (Mar 19, 2015)

Thanks for all of your thoughts and insight.

I am sorry if I came off flippant about what I did. I know it was cheating, and I felt terrible about it. I was ashamed of myself for allowing it to happen. Unfortunately I had a difficult time stopping. But when I was caught and I confessed, I have not been back. I have been tempted, but I have not been back.

I think my wife might have some serious psychological issues that are driving her behavior. The trust is definitely gone and we need to restore that.

I guess I need to take a hard look at things and decide whether I think it can be fixed and whether I have the emotional and physical strength necessary to fix it. And of course whether I think she does. 

Again, thanks for all the advice. Sometimes it is just nice to get it out there and get it off my chest.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Trojans1980 said:


> Thanks for all of your thoughts and insight.
> 
> I am sorry if I came off flippant about what I did. I know it was cheating, and I felt terrible about it. I was ashamed of myself for allowing it to happen. Unfortunately I had a difficult time stopping. But when I was caught and I confessed, I have not been back. I have been tempted, but I have not been back.
> 
> ...


Is she being transparent w/ her devices (phone, tablet, computer, etc)? How about her social media and e-mail accounts?


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## Trojans1980 (Mar 19, 2015)

I think she went back to him for emotional reasons first, but probably sex too. Its no secret that our marriage has struggled. And she always craves attention and affection. So, I think when I wasn't giving her what she needed, she went back to him.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Why do you think the two of you feel the need to cheat on each other?

And, what exactly is involved in a sensual massage? Is there any penetration into anything other than a hand?

She's still sleeping with the OM and also now you? Does she use condoms with either one of you?


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## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

Trojans1980 said:


> I think she went back to him for emotional reasons first, but probably sex too. Its no secret that our marriage has struggled. And she always craves attention and affection. So, I think when I wasn't giving her what she needed, she went back to him.


I have a feeling that no matter how much attention you give her it will never be enough. She's not in the marriage. You shouldn't be either. 

What sort of example are you setting for your children? That cheating is OK? Is she doing this out of bitterness or revenge?


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## Trojans1980 (Mar 19, 2015)

I honestly don't think there is any bitterness or revenge involved, I think it is a psychological need for attention and affection. And I think you may be right. No matter how much I shower her with attention and affection, it likely will not be enough. Perhaps counseling could get her to a place where it is enough.

My kids are young and have no idea what is going on. They see us as a happy loving couple. But I suppose the truth will come out at some point.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Have a plan, strategy and outcome worked out.

Lay down the law.

Be decisive.

Have her served with D papers now.

Protect your finances

DNA the kids in front of her. it is for shock value not that they look like you. gads,. wake up!

Hold the D over her head like an ax. if shes not a babbling snot bubble of a mess laying prostrate on the floor before you begging and crying full of remorse, dump her skank arse.

expose her to family and friends. let the light of truth shine brightly on her adultery. yours too.

then, you and you only decide if youre gonna R or not. you can delay, cancel for continue the D at any time.

time to grow the f up, dude.

read the message from the book MMSLP.

your beta is showing.

oh, and drag yourself, her and your kids over to get STD tests, including herpes and any other dank disease you can think of. let the doc know why in front of her.

be the leader in your marriage. not the reacting queen.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Is she successful in other aspects of her life?

Is her FOO messed up? Her childhood, how was that?

You cheated first. 

Did you expose to OM's wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## imjustwatching (Jul 8, 2014)

Trojans1980 said:


> and we really do love each other very much.


Of course buddy


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## Trojans1980 (Mar 19, 2015)

LongWalk said:


> Is she successful in other aspects of her life?
> 
> Is her FOO messed up? Her childhood, how was that?
> 
> ...


She definitely has issues of not feeling loved and accepted by her father. I do believe this is what she craves so much attention and affection. I have not been the best in that category over the last few months. What is FOO? Sorry, I am not up on the acronyms.

I realize I cheated first, and I feel terrible about that. I have not gone back to that behavior, although I admit that I have been tempted. I am not going to justify what I did. It sucks, and I know it sucks. I really messed up and I will beat myself over it for the rest of my life.

I have not exposed this to anyone, let alone OM's wife. I am not sure I can do that.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Isn't Spring Break this week?

Sorry just working a theory.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Trojans1980 said:


> She definitely has issues of not feeling loved and accepted by her father. I do believe this is what she craves so much attention and affection. I have not been the best in that category over the last few months. What is FOO? Sorry, I am not up on the acronyms.
> 
> I realize I cheated first, and I feel terrible about that. I have not gone back to that behavior, although I admit that I have been tempted. I am not going to justify what I did. It sucks, and I know it sucks. I really messed up and I will beat myself over it for the rest of my life.
> 
> I have not exposed this to anyone, let alone OM's wife. I am not sure I can do that.


Who is OM... a friend? Co-worker? Boss?

Either way, one of THE most effective ways to end the affair is to expose it to OM's wife.

And besides, doesn't she deserve to know?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Isn't Spring Break this week?
> 
> Sorry just working a theory.


LOL. Indeed.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Trojans1980 said:


> I realize I cheated first.


How are you sure of that?

You had an EA and not a PA correct?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Graywolf2 said:


> How are you sure of that?
> 
> You had an EA and not a PA correct?


Sounds like he had anywhere from a few to a bunch of "happy endings".


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

lenzi said:


> Isn't Spring Break this week?
> 
> Sorry just working a theory.


Yes it is. 

I wonder if you and I have the same theory?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

I reckon we do.

Elementary school children get waaaay too much time off from school.

It's a wonder kids learn anything at all nowadays.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Okay, Now I like what I am hearing from you..

Look First off before you try to do ANYTHING... She needs to really, really, really, really want to fix this.. 

If she does then you need to out this other man as Gus mentioned.. You need to make sure that she has little chance of being with him ever again, if you can.. 

In my instance the Other man was single so there was not much I can do about it.. If he is my only 2nd best suggestion would be to head out to his family residence with your wife and have your wife ask his family to tell him to leave her alone and that you're just there for MORAL support.. Sometimes people will get the impression that you are there next to make some sort of speech about if he doesn't then you will hurt him or something.. Regardless I can see family getting defensive.. So she comes off polite and respectful.

If she tries to convince you not to out him or does the why ruin his family as well speech. Well then you need to do the 180 which is listed in my signature and many others here.. 

Your wife has to be completely willing and compliant on her own without you twisting her arm.. 

Some how this guy needs to know she doesn't want this anymore and it has to come from her or at he knows she means it. Again this is assuming if he is single..

If he is married then its easy as just blowing him up to his wife.. That usually fixes that issue of keeping her away from him an vice versa. So you get some breathing room and a chance to fix your marriage.. Again I didn't have that and cost me my marriage.. 

You need to be strong and willing to say

1. You need to completely cut it off with this guy..
2. I need the passwords to everything you have.
3. You need to agree to counseling for as long as it takes.
4. You need to be transparent as possible, until I can trust you again and that might be months, MANY MONTHS..

If she baulks at any of this stuff we lay out to you.. Then you need to shut her down immediately and you need walk away.. Trust me it will not work otherwise and you clearly know first hand ignoring the problem will NOT make it go away..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Trojans1980 said:


> she had gone back to him not long after I confronted her.
> 
> we really do love each other very much.


:rofl:

Yeah, right.

Have you ALWAYS had a problem with no self worth?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Trojans1980 said:


> I have not exposed this to anyone, let alone OM's wife. I am not sure I can do that.


You answered my question. No self worth. Or you would have done something and you would have warned OMW.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My take is you got your strike and did the right thing and valued your second chance and stop phucking around.

Your old lady has her strike but she went back to doing the same crap with the same guy....maybe if it was a different guy she might have a messed up head but she went back to the *same* POS that bangs married chicks, so sorry man but your chick is just not into you any more.

From were I'm sitten you only get one strike, and if your lucky enough to get a second chance you either take it and run and make shyt right or you screw up again knowing the consequences!

Remember the part when you told your old lady "if this ever happens again" part?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

the guy said:


> Remember the part when you told your old lady "if this ever happens again" part?


Err...did that actually happen?


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
First and foremost you nor your wife have an inkling of what the definition of love is. I realize that love can be many things to different people but it is usually not love. Desire, fear of being alone, insecurity and a host of others but these things are not love.

I was once asked my definition of love and I simply said dedication to the point of sacrifice. When we can see the needs and emotions of another and those are more important to us than our own, then there is a beginning for real love.

You and your wife are not there nor do you seem close. How can you possibly be tempted by something that you know will cause your wife pain? The answer is because it does not cause you pain. When your wife is intimate with OM, how can she bear what she is doing to you? The answer is because it does not cause her pain.

Your pain does not hurt her and her pain does not hurt you. How can you believe this to be love? If you truly loved your wife you would sooner saw off your arm with a butter knife than hurt her and, likewise, she would sooner walk through fire, suffering third degree burns, than to cause you the pain of betrayal.

You two need to reassess your "feelings" and determine why the pain of one is seemingly irrelevant to the other. You are both behaving like hormone driven children more so than mature adults with children. Have either of you considered the far reaching ramifications of your deeds on them?

Perhaps you both need to mature enough to see yourselves a few notches down on the priority list. When I am the most important thing in this world to me, where does anyone else fall in that mix? Somewhere beneath me and my needs (read wants), right? So my needs (read wants) trump all others, spouse, children, family, friends, everybody. What a world.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Love is being willing to give up what you need so that your partner can be happy and fulfilled.

Not to be confused with being a Nice Guy who just treats himself like a doormat to keep her from leaving.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

turnera said:


> Love is being willing to give up what you need so that your partner can be happy and fulfilled.


And when both parties do this then what you have is called a mature relationship.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Yah, he gets those massages near that scary bridge...


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> First and foremost you nor your wife have an inkling of what the definition of love is. I realize that love can be many things to different people but it is usually not love. Desire, fear of being alone, insecurity and a host of others but these things are not love.
> 
> I was once asked my definition of love and I simply said dedication to the point of sacrifice. When we can see the needs and emotions of another and those are more important to us than our own, then there is a beginning for real love.
> ...


I don't think these two birds get it. Their kids could very well be more mature than they are. Perhaps they should ground their parents.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Mr Blunt said:


> Yes there is hope but you both must be *100% committed to restoration for YEARS!* You and she must do everything that will help you heal and use every source for help.
> 
> The odds are against you, around a 1% chance, that you will achieve a very rich relationship
> 
> ...


You are indeed...Mr. Blunt...


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## AriYarjan (Mar 21, 2015)

Is spring break over now?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Trojans1980 said:


> She definitely has issues of not feeling loved and accepted by her father. I do believe this is what she craves so much attention and affection. I have not been the best in that category over the last few months. What is FOO? Sorry, I am not up on the acronyms.
> 
> I realize I cheated first, and I feel terrible about that. I have not gone back to that behavior, although I admit that I have been tempted. I am not going to justify what I did. It sucks, and I know it sucks. I really messed up and I will beat myself over it for the rest of my life.
> 
> *I have not exposed this to anyone, let alone OM's wife. I am not sure I can do that*.


Of course you can't buddy *wink wink* of course you can't...


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Do you enjoy getting sloppy seconds----how does one love someone and continue on in a mge----KNOWING FULL WELL THAT ANOTHER MAN HAS BEEN INSIDE HER----maybe each and every day you also have sex with your wife

If you do not become very hard about this---she will continue cuz she knows she can-----so either demand she stop---with hard consequences, or get a D, or continue on in your open mge

YOUR CALL


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Mr T: I'm going to suggest something that, as far as I know, has never been suggested before on TAM. I call it The Dose of Reality.

Here's how it goes. You call the OM or meet with him, or whatever and offer him the following deal. He's been providing your wife with emotional support, attention, and whatever. You've been living with her during this whole time and have had the advantage of actually sleeping with her in the same bed, eating meals with her, and so on.

So the deal is that the two of you switch sides. He comes and lives with your wife for a month. He takes care of her, provides money to house and feed your family and so on. You go and live in his place and you get to see your wife every couple of days for romps in the hay, wonderful monkey sex sessions, booze, or whatever.

That way each of you can develop an understanding of the dynamics of this situation. And your wife gets to see the two of you with the roles interchanged.

I guarantee that when the month is up (or likely much sooner) the three of you each will have discovered truth.

Try it. What have you got to lose?


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

So you catch your wife cheating act like nothing happened and continued on the way it was phone locked off to you and all.

And yet you find yourself here cause she has done it again.

At this point if i were you i would be taking a more harsher approach towards her as the soft method you employed did not work the first time.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Okay dude. You screwed up. You went to a massage parlor and got a couple of happy endings. Yeah, that's bad but you rectified this behavior. She went out and found another man. She got emotionally involved and gave herself fully to him. She had sex with him and continues to do so even after you confronted her. She willingly let another man inside her put you as risk for STD's and her for unwanted pregnancy. Dude, from what you did to what she's doing is like comparing apples to oranges. 

You want to end her affair? You need to tell the OM's wife. The OMW has every right to know what kind of man she's married to. Do not warn your wife you are doing this, just do it. If you give warning, then all you're doing is giving him and her time to come up with a viable and believable story that you are bat sh*t crazy and calling people accusing them of sleeping with your wife. Then, they'll take the affair deep underground. They need to be blindsided.

You see affairs are like roaches. Roaches LOVE the dark. But, what happens when you turn on the light? They scatter. That's what you need to do. You need to bring their affair into the light and watch them scatter. Chances are, the OM is going to throw your WW under the bus to save his own skin. THAT'S how you end the affair. 

Now, will your wife be mad? Nope! She's going to be PISSED!! But, that's normal. She will scream at you and tell you things like, "I was going to work things out with you, but not after this stunt you pulled!" and even say stuff like he was much bigger than you are (a woman's personal favorite) that he was better in bed than you are....blah...blah... This is normal as well. You burst her little bubble and now the OM is gone. The most important thing for you to do is not react to this. You're reaction should be calm, cool and collected. You should say, "Oh, sorry you feel that way. I just baked some cookies. You want one?"

And after you expose, you should start carrying around a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) everywhere you go. A VAR is for your protection. Some WW's can get so mad that they have no problem goating you into an argument. As soon as they get you yelling, they're on the phone to the cops saying that they don't feel safe with you around and the cops will kick you out of the house. If you have a recording, that's going to save you and might even result in the wife having to leave because you proven that you are one cool cat and she's the one going off the rails.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You do need counselling. Either to work out your marriage or to work out your divorce and subsequent coparenting


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