# I wish I wasn't posting here.



## ALB163 (May 13, 2011)

This is my first post here, and I've struggled with whether I wanted to or not, but I really need to get it out. I'm not married, but engaged (or was, I don't know), and I made the biggest mistake of my life. I cheated on him. We have been together for over seven and a half years. I hope somebody will take the time to read this and give me some advice.

It started about a month ago...I had begun talking to this guy, and it made me feel important. I had felt so ignored for a long time by (we'll call him M), so being talked to and interested in was pretty foreign to me. Long story short, I ended confiding way too much in him about my relationship and we kissed. Nothing sexual, nothing more. We did kiss though, and I was talking to him about things I shouldn't have about mine and M's relationship. Fast forward a week, I only talked to him a couple times through facebook, and we didn't see each other at all for a week. Well then we ended seeing each other at a local bar, and I was stupid and gave him a ride home. I went into his house and we sat and talked for hours. We didn't kiss this time, just talked, but again, I said too much. Two days later, he called me to come over there. I knew I had to stop it. I wanted no part of it. So I went over there for a few hours, and we talked, and I told him I did not want to continue any of this, and I cut off all contact with him. Well the day after, M found out. Rightfully so, he is furious, betrayed, hurt, upset, the works. I do not blame him, and I take full responsibility. But it's almost like this was a wake up call for me...I cannot believe I did this to someone I have loved for so long, and love so much. I cannot stand seeing him in this much pain, I can't believe I caused all of this. We share SO MUCH together, he is absolutely everything to me. I am terrified of losing him because of my giant, stupid mistake. I've never felt worse than I have right now, but I know he feels a MILLION times worse, and I desperately want to help, and I want to fix this and work on our relationship so bad it's unreal. I never thought I could do this kind of thing. I hate myself, SO much, for the pain I have caused him.

To summarize, this whole thing lasted about three weeks. We just kissed, nothing sexual, but I confided things in him. I ended it and broke all contact last Saturday. M found out on Sunday. I stayed in our house until last night, now I am staying with my Mother. I am a tiny bit hopeful he will give me another chance, and I am praying that he will. I will NEVER do ANYTHING like this again, I am ashamed, humiliated, and I HATE that I hurt somebody I love SO much. Help?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why are you staying with your mother? Did M tell you to leave?


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## ALB163 (May 13, 2011)

He asked me to stay here for a few days. I packed a couple suitcases and obliged...at this point I will do whatever he asks me to.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Have you communicated these things to him, or is he still in the shocked and angered stage? I would come clean about everything. Tell him exactly what you've written here. Honesty and openness is the only way. Write a no contact letter to the other man. Show it to your fiance' and show your true remorse. Get into counseling before you get married, read relationship books, find out what was missing and why you did this. 

I still think you have a chance. Good luck!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok well that does make a difference.

You need to OWN what you did fully and you need to apologize genuinely and state the reasons WHY you are sorry. 

All contact must be completely ended with OM. Show your fiance proof of this. Be willing to be totally transparent with him.

If you want the relationship with fiance, tell him you are fully committed to restoring the relationship and willing to do whatever it takes, Ask him how you can help.

Then the ball is in his court. If he comes around, count your lucky stars and never cheat on him again. If he decides he can't trust you and wants out, you will have to accept that.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

All you can do is to try and earn his trust and forgiveness , the choice to cheat was yours , the choice to take you back is your fiancé's only he can decide until then work on your own self respect and boundaries. 

Try speak to him as often as you can, ask what you can do to evidence your commitment to the relationship. This is not going to be easy, I will be candid there is a strong chance your engagement is over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> I will be candid there is a strong chance your engagement is over.


 Agreed. Especially if he's asked her to leave already.


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## ALB163 (May 13, 2011)

I have told him everything. Full disclosure, I cannot lie to him again. I've given him full access to my phone, computer, whatever he asks for, I have nothing to hide. For the past few days I have been doing nothing but reading, reading, reading. This website has been enormously helpful. He is still very angry and shocked, and I can't blame him. As far as the other guy goes, I've blocked him from my cell phone, took him off as a friend on my facebook, and told him I never want to see him again. I am very convinced that if M decides to work on this, that our relationship can be much better than it was before. I realize it's easy for me to say that, but I hope he can see it in time.


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## ALB163 (May 13, 2011)

At this point I am only worried about the relationship. I want the relationship with him, the bond. The engagement doesn't matter to me right now.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Thats tough. I tell myself that if I had known my wife could cheat on me before we were married I would not have married her. But the two of you have been togeather for 7 years so you may as well be married.....or at least the relationship is developed like a marrige. You have lots of history togeather.

Like everyone else said... If you want to stay with him you have got to try your best and be the best you can be. But, it is up to him now.

I will say this....don't mention the engagement to him. Do not pressure him about getting married. Consider that the engagement is over and you are starting fresh.


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## ALB163 (May 13, 2011)

I truly could care less about the engagement right now. I would love nothing more than to start fresh. As far as being together so long, yes it's like we are already married. We share everything, our days are based off of each others. We are partners in everything, we did everything together. But for the last 6 months or so it seemed like we were drifting apart. I am NOT making excuses for myself. I have no excuse. I am a disgusting, horrible person, and I know this. But I desperately want to work this out with him and have a better relationship than we ever did. I truly believe it can work, but I feel like I should not push him at all. I truly hate myself.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

This is a long journey, be patient honest and open, work on yourself and your well being. Keep an open channel with your "fiance" and take each day as it comes.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

If it makes you feel any better... It does suck really really bad to get cheated on. It is worse than people say, and people say some pretty bad things.......it is worse.

but.... you can live through it. And I do look forward to having a relationship with my wife that is better than it was before.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Out of all the mess there can be positive things.


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## ALB163 (May 13, 2011)

I'm holding on to that fact, it-guy. I have decided that whether he wants to be with me or not, and I am VERY much hoping he does, I will be a much better person in all aspects of my life. I refuse to let this define me, I know I am better than this, and I will be. I've never felt worse, it's time for a change. I can't believe I could hurt someone I love the most this much. NEVER again will I do this to him, or anyone. For the first time in my life I find myself turning to God. I got out my bible last night and read a good chunk of it. It came out of nowhere, I was never religious. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but there you have it. I NEED to better myself.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Hey... I can honestly say that you're one of the few that I believe is TRULY remorseful for her actions. Like it-guy said, being cheated-on is really worse than anyone can describe. There are no words that can describe the hurt and pain of such a betrayal. This is because as partners in life we put our guard down to let someone we care about into our most sacred place- OUR SOUL. The ball is in HIS court, though. Consider yourself lucky if he lets you back in. Just a question- How can you jeopardize your future life as man and wife so close to being married? Did you maybe have second thoughts about it?


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