# How often during a work day do you talk to your wife?



## Pravius

This may come off the wrong way and I am not intending it to. I am just really curious how often you guys speak to your wives during the day, be it via email, text, phone, web.

The reason I ask is because my wife has never been a communicator at all. She works from 7am to near 8pm during that time she never texts, calls, nothin.

I do not necessarily NEED this at all but it would be nice to hear a "hey just thinking about you" "love you" 

When I have asked her about this she says that she is busy, which I understand because my job as an IT admin for a company of 3000+ can be nuts at times too but I always will find a minute or two to just say hi or reassure her that I am thinking about her.

Intimacy at home is also suffering and I think this kind of thing would help it but just curious how often you guys hear from your wife's.

Thanks!


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## Tall Average Guy

Typically 1-2 times a day. Usually to coordinate what we have going in the evening with the kids, as well as see how each other is doing. Nothing more than a couple of minutes, but we do try to touch base.


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## Mavash.

I'm a homemaker married to a cop. As a general rule we don't talk during the day via technology - he's busy and so am I. He does come home for lunch so we touch base then.

I think your problem is your wife's hours. 13 hour days? Even my busy husband doesn't work that much. When on earth do you ever get to see each other? In his needs her needs he suggests couples spend a minimum of 15 hours a week together.


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## Pravius

Do you ever get any random nice texts at all? Like I was thinking the other day that I have not once ever gotten a topless or nude pic from my wife! Not even just that but even a nice compliment would make my day coming from her.


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## Pravius

Mavash. said:


> I'm a homemaker married to a cop. As a general rule we don't talk during the day via technology - he's busy and so am I. Our intimacy is fine.
> 
> I think your problem is your wife's hours. 13 hour days? Even my busy husband doesn't work that much. When on earth do you ever get to see each other? In his needs her needs he suggests couples spend a minimum of 15 hours a week together.


She works alot. Some weeks she will get home around 6-7pm but that still leaves us only 2-3 hours. Plus we live about an hour away from work so 2 hours on the road to and from work sucks too.


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## Clark G

When married my wife and I (albeit busy) would talk a lot thruoghout the day. Especially since we both had desk jobs and the ability to do so via email and/or text if we wanted to say something more sexual. 

My girlfriend (who is a a teacher) will even touch base sometimes during the day to say hey and see how i'm doing and i do the same.

Not all jobs allow for that but it does sound like the balance is more towards work than anything else.

That particular reason caused my best and his wife to move from married copule to roomates and eventually divorce.

I'm not saying that will happen to you or scare you b/c you seem to be bringing this point up now before it gets too bad.

Do you initiate it at all?

Joe


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## bisonsk

My wife stays at home and would never contact me at work just to say "Hi", see how I was doing, or send me a little love note. That's just not how she operates. The only time we talk during the work day is if she needs my input on something for the house or there's a problem of some sort that can't wait until I get home.

That works fine for me. Those types of gestures aren't high on my list of things that make me feel loved or connected. 

If this is important to you and you've communicated that to her, I don't know why she wouldn't try to make some effort.

Sounds like you two don't necessarily share the same love language. Maybe you can both read "The 5 Love Languages" to better understand what you each need to feel loved.


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## Toshiba2020

as others have mentioned those are indeed long hours. I dont know how people can do 50-60 hr work weeks and still be happy with their marriage, i know my wife and i struggled when she worked long hours, even a 40 hr week can be rough if its a stressful job and a long commute.

As far as the original question goes, my wife takes it to the extreme, there are days when i receive 100+ texts and several dozen emails. Very rarely is it "hows youre day going" most of them are forwarded joke emails, random pictures of puppies she thinks are cute, coupons and tons of other stuff that could wait until after work. I used to feel special and felt that she was thinking about me atleast enough to send me texts, even if they were not personal or something like a random joke, but then i looked through her phone one day and realized she was texting her family in the same messages, really took away that special feeling. Now most days i just i turn off my phone just so i can focus, guess you have to be careful what you wish for


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## sunnysky

its not hard to figure out. Why she don't call just embrace yourself and be prepared. there may be someone else in the picture


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## anotherguy

sunnysky said:


> its not hard to figure out. Why she don't call just embrace yourself and be prepared. there may be someone else in the picture


Oh stop it. 'its not hard to figure out'. Puh-leease.

I know plenty of couples that dont need a daily call full of reassurance... including us. (25 years). If you are a young couple - its nice though - sounds like you need it a little more than she does. Thats fine.

We talk maybe MAYBE twice a week for a little 'whats going on..not much..blah..blah...' which can be a nice break.

Believe me - the quality time you spend at home means far more than the little phone call in the middle of a busy day. How else do you 2 spend your time together?

I work 12 hour days including commute too. It leaves just a couple hours at night.. and weekends... which is fine, but you do need to pay attention to how you spend what little free time you have.


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## Coffee Amore

Pravius said:


> Do you ever get any random nice texts at all? Like I was thinking the other day that I have not once ever gotten a topless or nude pic from my wife! Not even just that but even a nice compliment would make my day coming from her.


I get random texts and phone calls from my husband when he's at work. It's not hard to send a quick text during lunch time. Don't tell me your wife doesn't eat lunch or a snack? She has time then to shoot off text to you or even call you for about 3 minutes. It sounds more like it's not that she can't do it but she doesn't want to do and doesn't think it's needed. 

I have several close relatives in IT. I know how hectic it can be, but you can always find time to send a text. Heck, at most jobs I've had it wasn't hard to find a way to make a personal phone call if you wanted to. Take your cell phone to an empty conference room, your car or just go outside the building. Or do it during lunch time.


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## Quantmflux

I'm either at home or on the road generally. When out of the house, either traveling or day visits to a customer, we will txt each other updates a few times a day. I am in technology and while it is a 24x7, brutally demanding, field, you can definitely obviously always find 2 mins to send a "hello" text if that is your style. Or slip a personal email into the business stream. Wife is currently a SAHM. When she was also working it was pretty similar. Lots of it is logistics though, or some sort of "update" (gossip, news, something funny, etc)

Everyone's communication style is different. My wife's sister never txts her husband afaik and would rather die than cheat.

My wife was texting me all the time right through having a PA. You can't read a lot into ones communication style, IMO, unless it changes suddenly


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## sunnysky

It sounds like some one don't know women. Women love to talk and if there not talking to you. They are talking to some one


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## Mavash.

sunnysky said:


> It sounds like some one don't know women. Women love to talk and if there not talking to you. They are talking to some one


Yes usually a girlfriend. Besides you're generalizing. I'm a woman and I spend most of my days in silence. I'm a homemaker who enjoys my quiet, ALONE time before my 3 kids, their friends and later my husband come home.

Not all of us feel the need to talk 24/7.


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## anotherguy

sunnysky said:


> It sounds like some one don't know women. Women love to talk and if there not talking to you. They are talking to some one


--doesn't not don't.
--someone not some one.
--they're not there.
--comma not period.
--period not (end)

Wow.. Ive never been a grammar nazi before. It feels a little wierd. Especially for someone like me that aint that good with muh letters.

(OP: careful where you take your advice from  )


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## southbound

bisonsk said:


> My wife stays at home and would never contact me at work just to say "Hi", see how I was doing, or send me a little love note. That's just not how she operates. The only time we talk during the work day is if she needs my input on something for the house or there's a problem of some sort that can't wait until I get home.
> 
> That works fine for me. Those types of gestures aren't high on my list of things that make me feel loved or connected.
> 
> If this is important to you and you've communicated that to her, I don't know why she wouldn't try to make some effort.
> 
> Sounds like you two don't necessarily share the same love language. Maybe you can both read "The 5 Love Languages" to better understand what you each need to feel loved.


When I was married, that is how we were. It's odd how things change. When I was growing up, my dad never called home just to say hi. That would have been considered silly by them. I guess I followed suit.


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## Anonymous07

Pravius said:


> This may come off the wrong way and I am not intending it to. I am just really curious how often you guys speak to your wives during the day, be it via email, text, phone, web.
> 
> The reason I ask is because my wife has never been a communicator at all. She works from 7am to near 8pm during that time she never texts, calls, nothin.
> 
> I do not necessarily NEED this at all but it would be nice to hear a "hey just thinking about you" "love you"
> 
> When I have asked her about this she says that she is busy, which I understand because my job as an IT admin for a company of 3000+ can be nuts at times too but I always will find a minute or two to just say hi or reassure her that I am thinking about her.
> 
> Intimacy at home is also suffering and I think this kind of thing would help it but just curious how often you guys hear from your wife's.
> 
> Thanks!


My husband and I used to send each other texts throughout the day while at work when we were dating, but we don't really do so anymore. We didn't live together before getting married, so we needed that extra effort to stay close. Now that we're married, our time together at home is a lot more important than sending a text or calling during our work days. We still do occasionally, but it's not very often(maybe a couple times a week). 



anotherguy said:


> Believe me - the quality time you spend at home means far more than the little phone call in the middle of a busy day.


:iagree:


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## c2500

My wife was almost always to busy to remember she had a spouse. I only heard from her when she was coming home...and toward the end that was erratic. She did have plenty of time though to talk to the guy she had an affair with. After being caught, she even had time for me for about six months....then back to the old habits and I (in hindsight) can only assume a new affair.

She will be the person on her deathbed saying I wish I could have worked more and had sex with a few more guys other than my husband.

c2500


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## RandomDude

It depends, when it's really busy I can only text/reply maybe once or 2x. Any less and my wife chucks a fit when I get home. Normally it's only 1x or 2x a day unless either me or her hav something to share which we found funny or just randomly want to flirt. Sometimes she sends me like 8 messages but I don't end up reading them until later but she doesn't mind - she knows I read them. She always replies quickly to mine however, but she doesnt work so


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## Bellavista

H works at home, one of my jobs is working in the office with him, so we talk often, maybe too much at times because then the work will not get done.

If I am out cleaning, I rarely stop to text or call unless I need information, it is not fair for me to stop what I am doing & expect the rest of my team to continue.

When we both worked in offices, we would occasionally text through the day or email. Probably H texting more than I and I emailing more than him. Rarely calls unless we had something specific that had to be handled there and then.


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## Thunder7

Because of my profession it REALLY all depends. Sometimes 5-10 times a day. Sometimes not at all. She understands those days so it's no biggie.

BTW, southbound, nice avatar.


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## Pandakiss

With us it always depends. Some days once without a reply, other days up to 10 times. Sometimes I'll text him 5/6 times and get back a one word response. 

We used to call every 2/3 hours when he worked fast food. We would call from pay phones at the bus stop, but we got out of the habit when he went into retail. 

We had more kids and decided phones are not worth the hassle. Now we have iPhones and can use wifi to still text if our phone is off. 

We don't have a large group of friends so our pics and jokes and daily updates are only for us from us. But....like I said its varies from day to day, and I have been known to pop up to his job if I haven't gotten a reply. I joke to him, the down side to working 10 minutes from home.


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## RandomDude

> and I have been known to pop up to his job if I haven't gotten a reply.


I HATE that! =/
Cause in the past that normally meant "duty calls!"


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## Pandakiss

RandomDude said:


> I HATE that! =/
> Cause in the past that normally meant "duty calls!"


Na. We talk and laugh, make fun of his coworkers.....I can walk across the street buy smokes, he can make time to hug me and I can cop a feel...

His coworkers are cool peeps and like me enough to converse with me. And I talk to customers since I'm there a lot. 

I bring food sometimes. We go to best buy or whole foods, or get dinner to go. If its warm out we jump off our hanging out early. Once in a while we go to the mall. 

But I don't go to his job to b!tch at him or anything. I don't bring my problems of the day with me. I can text that sh!t. 

It's purely a pleasant visit. If he told me not to come up there I would not, and come to think about it, I have always showed up at his jobs since 1996. 

We have fun.


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## SpinDaddy

Twice daily almost always. 


The lunchtime call and 
The “Honey I’m about to catch the Metro” call or the “Honey remember you need to leave early” call.
Probably half the time she calls and half the time I call. I usually put in 10-12 hrs of billables, sometimes more, rarely less so the check-in is good and necessary at a number of levels. 

Anymore, if I see her numbers ringing at an “off-time” I’m concerned something bad has happened.


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## Zing

Speak everyday about once... 90% of the time he calls - to find out what the kids were doing...what I was doing... sometimes to bring me up to date on some 'breaking news' somewhere in the world...
when I call him its mostly to update him on something hilarious/adorable the kids had done...if my calls are desperate its either because the internet suddenly decided to conk off and I needed his input to get it back on...or I needed to pass on/get important info/input to/from him...

(even before I'd stumbled across this thread) I asked him if it bothered him that I didn't call him as much as he did ...
his answer 'Nah'
he's cool that way...

As long as he's able to come home to hot food, a smiley wife and pleasant kids he's more than happy! We don't keep tabs that way... btw, I too disagree with the statements that lesser phone calls indicates less of an 'in love' feeling

When we'd got engaged 10 years ago (which was around the time we'd just met) he used to demand that I spend a good amount of the day talking to him...so, we used to speak for nearly 3-4 hours EVERYDAY...
Now we speak for a few minutes in a day...I'd say we both are far more comfortable, loving, understanding and harmonious in the relationship now than we were 10 years ago...


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## Caribbean Man

My wife and I work together.
She's away on vacation now and we skype about three to four times daily.


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## Runs like Dog

"Hey you want a sandwich?"

"uh yeah"

"Good make me one too."


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## Starstarfish

I generally really appreciate it when my husband calls me at least during the day (even if on his way home) as he works at a bank - so, if I don't hear from him all day, all I see in my mind is like - Dog Day Afternoon.


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## MEM2020

Intimacy might be suffering at home because she sees you as a bit needy.





Pravius said:


> This may come off the wrong way and I am not intending it to. I am just really curious how often you guys speak to your wives during the day, be it via email, text, phone, web.
> 
> The reason I ask is because my wife has never been a communicator at all. She works from 7am to near 8pm during that time she never texts, calls, nothin.
> 
> I do not necessarily NEED this at all but it would be nice to hear a "hey just thinking about you" "love you"
> 
> When I have asked her about this she says that she is busy, which I understand because my job as an IT admin for a company of 3000+ can be nuts at times too but I always will find a minute or two to just say hi or reassure her that I am thinking about her.
> 
> Intimacy at home is also suffering and I think this kind of thing would help it but just curious how often you guys hear from your wife's.
> 
> Thanks!


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## CanadianGuy

For years I did phone my wife once and awhile for no particular reason other than to tell her I was thinking about her etc. 

Over time I noticed that she never did the same thing. I asked why. She said she was too busy to call. I learned it is pointless to get into a discussion about breaks and lunch and spare moments with someone who does not think about calling. 

After awhile it started to feel like calling a friend who never calls you. I stopped calling about 2 years ago unless I need to talk to her about something specific.


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## Tigger

I'm just not a chatty person. I don't see any reason for a 2 minute phone call at work?

People know they shouldn't call me unless it is an emergency.

I've seen situations where kids pester their parents at work.

My husband doesn't call me to text me. I must say it does tick me off when he won't answer his phone or return a text as when I do call, it is something important.


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## Wiltshireman

My wife works part time from home and as I spend 50 hours at work a week sitting in front of a bank of PC terminals most of my contact with my wife during my working day is via e-mail. 

My wife will let me know if there are any changes to who is picking up which of the kids from where and when or if I have the SUV she may e-mail me a shopping list as I pass the supermarket on my way home. I will let her know if I am going to be late home or if I have had a big lunch at work so do not need a big meal in the evening.

Not realy any small talk but I will check my Facebook from my mobile whilst out having a cigarette (*** in the UK don't laugh) and maybe leave a comment on her wall.

Even when I am working away I can not remember the last day we did not touch base.


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