# Does my wife cheat again?



## Prince888 (May 31, 2012)

Hello. I'm Danish and my wife was born in Ukraine. A few months ago she confessed that she had an affair with a Ukrainian man who lives in our Danish city. She seemed open about their relationship and said she wanted to end it. It was a hard time but I accepted and since then we have been trying to build up our relationship again which went reasonably well I felt. I did not have any signs that she was still seeing the OM, she had become very negative about him and I know she mailed him a no contact letter shortly after her confession. 

However last night I discovered she sent an email to the OM yesterday and he responded twice. I did not tell her because I could not figure out what the messages said as they were in Ukrainian which I do not speak. 

I discovered this through a keylogger I installed back when she confessed and she sent it from an email account she had been secretly using when she had an affair (she told me about this account back then but said she had deactivated it but this has turned out to be a lie, I know now). 

Nevertheless until yesterday she had not received any messages there so her renewed correspondence with the OM is fresh but what to make of it? Maybe her email to him was not very kind. If that is true, telling her I used a keylogger might frustrate the trust we are rebuilding. It is true she is lying about a few things but because I don't know what they wrote each other I don't know for sure if she started cheating again. This is difficult.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Prince, if she has no permanent residence permit yet, show her the door, then sit and watch her attitude change.


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## Prince888 (May 31, 2012)

She has a permanent residence permit and can stay her whole life. We have been married for 12 years and have two kids.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Sent you a PM.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Maybe come out and say for this to work we need to both be open about everything so we can build trust again. Then ask her if she ever contacted him again or got anything back. 
Ask by saying did you ever send a no contact letter to OM?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Google Translate

Translate the messages.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Prince888 said:


> Nevertheless until yesterday she had not received any messages there so her renewed correspondence with the OM is fresh but what to make of it? Maybe her email to him was not very kind. If that is true, telling her I used a keylogger might frustrate the trust we are rebuilding. It is true she is lying about a few things but because I don't know what they wrote each other I don't know for sure if she started cheating again. This is difficult.


Her email to him was totally unnecessary UNLESS she is trying to reestablish contact, which would mean that she intends to cheat again. After the no contact letter, there is no reason at all to contact him again to "end it" again. right?

No. Do not tell her of the keylogger, as she will go further underground. Is there some neutral person who can tell you what the email says?

"Trust" has to be earned. To contact the OM after a no-contact letter would indicate that the affair is not over.

I'm so sorry that you are here dealing with this, but sadly it is my opinion that she is reconnecting with him and intends to continue the affair. There is no other reasonable explanation for what she did.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Use Google translate to get some insight?


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

However last night I discovered she sent an email to the OM yesterday and he responded twice. I did not tell her because I could not figure out what the messages said as they were in Ukrainian which I do not speak. 

If you can copy the email string by right clicking and choose copy-- then

go to google.com
under the more tab there is a translate
from the "from detect language" tab on top paste in the email and pick Ukrainian as the language
then pick on english to translate it


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## Prince888 (May 31, 2012)

They write in phonetic Ukrainian due to lack of supporting keyboards and then Google Translate does not work well.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Are there any Unkranian deli's or markets nearby? Just buy a couple of things and ask them to translate them for you.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Prince888 said:


> They write in phonetic Ukrainian due to lack of supporting keyboards and then Google Translate does not work well.


So they are writing each other in some sort of coded language? So as not to be discovered? And you are unsure of her intentions?

Is there someone, anywhere, who can independently translate for you? If there is not, you still may have enough to confront her with. Assume the worst. Make her find that independent person who can translate the letters if she says they are innocent. Don't take her word for it.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I speak two Slavic languages and have reasonable understanding of Ukrainian. Post a short snippet here, we'd give it a try.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

survivorwife said:


> So they are writing each other in some sort of coded language? So as not to be discovered? And you are unsure of her intentions?


Western phone keyboards don't have Cyrillic alphabet support, so the users scribe in Latin alphabet, using phonetic equivalents. Very common.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

snap said:


> Western phone keyboards don't have Cyrillic alphabet support, so the users scribe in Latin alphabet, using phonetic equivalents. Very common.


Thank you. Good to know that you are here to help with the translations. It is still rather suspect that she is communicating with the OM using this sort of method, rather than a "common language" used by her spouse. Under any other circumstances (distant relative for example) I would understand the usage of the native language, but I would also assume that she would be pleased to share the communication with her spouse. This is not the case here.

Again, thanks for the info and the offer to help this BS. I'm fairly new here, and am learning that the people and sources here are awesome!


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

survivorwife said:


> Thank you. Good to know that you are here to help with the translations. It is still rather suspect that she is communicating with the OM using this sort of method, rather than a "common language" used by her spouse. Under any other circumstances (distant relative for example) I would understand the usage of the native language, but I would also assume that she would be pleased to share the communication with her spouse. This is not the case here.


Really nothing unusual when you think of it. It's like two Texans speaking English to each other in Mexico, even if they know some Spanish. Easier to have flow in your native languages.

And Danish is quite a b*tch to learn for a foreigner, it's kinda German with hot potato in your mouth (sorry OP).

Obligatory video:

Danish language - YouTube


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## Prince888 (May 31, 2012)

I got a few offers from forum members to help with translation (thank you, all, this is very kind) and one has done this. The messages indicate that my wife and the OM have not met recently and her message to him is a little ironic if not sarcastic at times. 

He writes that he misses her and that not seeing her is difficult. He also talks about some daily stuff that is not of real importance. She is suggesting that he is a liar and cannot be trusted but at the same time the tone is a little flirty and she invites him to tell about what he has been doing lately and says that this message is no goodbye. 

It means they have re-established email and maybe sms contact though not re-started their affair. I am afraid I have to add the word "yet" here. I don't really know how to handle this as confronting her with information means that I have to reveal I used a keylogger. Maybe I should keep an eye on her before taking any further steps. If it gets serious again, I will leave her, that's for sure.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Prince888 said:


> I got a few offers from forum members to help with translation (thank you, all, this is very kind) and one has done this. The messages indicate that my wife and the OM have not met recently and her message to him is a little ironic if not sarcastic at times.
> 
> He writes that he misses her and that not seeing her is difficult. He also talks about some daily stuff that is not of real importance. She is suggesting that he is a liar and cannot be trusted but at the same time the tone is a little flirty and she invites him to tell about what he has been doing lately and says that this message is no goodbye.
> 
> It means they have re-established email and maybe sms contact though not re-started their affair. I am afraid I have to add the word "yet" here. I don't really know how to handle this as confronting her with information means that I have to reveal I used a keylogger. Maybe I should keep an eye on her before taking any further steps. If it gets serious again, I will leave her, that's for sure.


Hi prince:

Don't confront her right away. Get more evidence. 

If you confront her now it may go underground. 

The part about where she says: "this is no goodbye" is not a good sign. 

Get more evidence.


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

keko said:


> Google Translate
> 
> Translate the messages.


This.

Very simple to do. Will enlighten you I fear.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Dont confront yet. Wait for more evidence.

Right now, you should start to separate and protect your finances and assets.


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## Prince888 (May 31, 2012)

The situation feels very difficult. The last few weeks it felt like we were becoming very close again and that we could leave the past behind us. I have not been behaving normally the past 24 hours and she noticed this but I said that I just felt a little ill.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Did she face any consequences for the affair or did you just look by it and moved forward?


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## Prince888 (May 31, 2012)

She had been so honest to confess she had a relationship that she wanted to end. I asked for transparency in all her future activities and communication and it went well I thought. My faith in her got a huge blow and was gone for some time but lately I had the feeling we would survive this crisis. Now I am not so sure.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

You might want to keep a low profile and watch her computer/phone usage for a while, if she starts to pick up speed in these contacts I think you should consider divorce even if it doesn't reach a physical stage.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

F they are exchanging messages the affair is back alive. They may not have yet met up for sex, but they will very soon.

Do not ever ever reveal your source, but you should have full access to her phone , including who she is talking to and texting. Ask to see it, ask her not to delete any texts. Tell her if she is deleting texts r contacting the OM you will end the marriage.

Don't be passive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Prince888 said:


> She had been so honest to confess she had a relationship that she wanted to end. I asked for transparency in all her future activities and communication and it went well I thought. My faith in her got a huge blow and was gone for some time but lately I had the feeling we would survive this crisis. Now I am not so sure.


 I guess she only stopped the affair because the other man turned out to be a massive liar not out of any moral conviction to you. They're both fishing to rekindle this relationship and it's perhaps telling that your wife is still choosing to speak to him despite A) him being a massive liar and B) you forgiving and willing to reconcile. This is utter disrespect Prince.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

she did not confess from feeling bad. something happened to frighten her into telling you. maybe he wanted her to leave you an threaten to tell you. or maybe someone you both know saw them, an she feels they will say something. I go with the 1st. he sounds clinging and submissive to her, so she broke it off to punish him, but confessed just in case he did tell you. now that she see he lied, she probably thinks he has learned his lesson, and she is ready to have him back on her terms. plus she noticed she has you feeling good about your marriage. So best of both worlds for her. even you noticed how she talked to him after he said he was really missing her, but then said this is not goodbye. ie,,, don't rock the boat, take what I give. starting to see now ?? you just keep watch for now and monitor, but as soon as you know its gone PA again, put a PI on her shady As*. But really, you have enough to D her now " this is not goodbye ". that says it all, or will you wait and stress until they do the dirty deed AGAIN !!


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Renewed secret contact means it's only a matter of time until they get laid together again.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Kids?


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## Prince888 (May 31, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Kids?


Yes, two. A son of 8, a daughter of 5. This makes it all so much more complicating but I agree with many of you that it all looks bad now and that time to act is near. 

The kids were one reason why I decided to give her a second chance.

I have not written this before but my wife told that the OM has a criminal record and I don't like the idea of seeing such a person getting involved with my kids.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Get a restraining order that prevents him from any contact with your children.


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## Prince888 (May 31, 2012)

Thank you.

I am not so familiar with Danish law but I believe a restraining order here is only possible in cases of stalking, physical threat or violence. The OM was convicted for fraud and theft but not for any violent crimes, as far as I know. Of course it is a good if he is not violent but I still don't want such a person near my kids. They can only learn bad things from him.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Prince888 said:


> Yes, two. A son of 8, a daughter of 5. This makes it all so much more complicating but I agree with many of you that it all looks bad now and that time to act is near.
> 
> The kids were one reason why I decided to give her a second chance.
> 
> I have not written this before but my wife told that the OM has a criminal record and I don't like the idea of seeing such a person getting involved with my kids.


Hej!

Skicka ett PM om du behöver något..Är från landet bredvid..


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Prince888 said:


> Yes, two. A son of 8, a daughter of 5. This makes it all so much more complicating but I agree with many of you that it all looks bad now and that time to act is near.
> 
> The kids were one reason why I decided to give her a second chance.
> 
> *I have not written this before but my wife told that the OM has a criminal record* and I don't like the idea of seeing such a person getting involved with my kids.



It appears your wife likes the "bad boy" type. Dont think you can ever compete with that. And do you want to become that type of a person in order to keep your wife? I hope not -- it's just not worth it.

And because of your wife attraction to those type of people, that attraction would rub off on your kids. Anything she teaches her kids would be skewed.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to follow a ZERO tolerance policy with any contact. I know it's hard, and you fear she may just leave, but she may be needing a strong man to demand from her to do the right thing.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Was she truly remorseful when the first A (supposedly) was revealed to you?

It is possible that they have other means of communicating. Mobile talks and SMS?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Prince888 said:


> It means they have re-established email and maybe sms contact though not re-started their affair. I am afraid I have to add the word "yet" here. I don't really know how to handle this as confronting her with information means that I have to reveal I used a keylogger. Maybe I should keep an eye on her before taking any further steps. If it gets serious again, I will leave her, that's for sure.


 Do not wait to gather more evidence, you know enough now to act. Ask her face to face if she is in contact with the OM. If she says no, do not tell her that you have read her emails or what you know, but tell her that you know that she is not telling the truth. Then ask her again and tell her that you need the truth this time. If she still does not admit it then there is no chance of true reconciliation and you should move on. As long as you know the truth, you do not have to prove anything to her to act. You are not in a court battle where you must prove anything to anyone else but yourself.


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