# Hello there



## SturdyTechie (Dec 14, 2014)

I've read some of the threads on the site, and tried to post long ago, but haven't really participated much.

I'm a very happy father of 3 boys, with a 4th child (a girl) on the way soon. My family is blended, as my oldest boy is from my first marriage, which ended more or less amicably due to the two of us just having been really immature and young when we got together.

Of course, we have our problems, but I'm looking here because of a very confusing problem I have. I imagine it's not that uncommon. I am thrilled to be husband and dad, and have a stable home life. But wife and I have almost no time for romantic interactions, and it's begun to weigh on me heavily. Sex is part of it, but also just the general affection for one another is entirely centered around our love for our children now. This doesn't lead to much sex.

I was a very sexually active person when we met, and we were extremely sexually adventurous right up until our son was born. Now we have sex about once every 3 - 6 months (her being pregnant has not really changed this either way). There's no yearning, no longing for connection. It's weird to even be complaining because we are literally gushing with love and affection for our children.

I have a true desire to connect with her on a romantic level again though, but any and all romantic attempts by me are generally met with sweet apologies about wanting to sleep. I don't even want to have sex at this point, I just want to tease and be physically intimate at _any_ level.

Any advice is very much appreciated. Thanks.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Sturdy, this happens to lots of us, when the kids are growing. Erotic love between spouses are being replaced by parental love. So many times you hear spouses call each other mum or dad. We substitute one for the other. It is a problem. Because you start drifting apart, even if you can't see it yet. 

Now that you are aware of it, start taking action. Spend time together alone. My husband used to say, once the door is locked and we are in bed together, you are no ones mum. You are my wife. No talk of kids, just spend time together. Keep touching, kissing, it does not have to be sexual all the time. But what it does is it keeps you connected.

Start going out on dates. It does not have to be fancy. Show affection during the day. Hugs, nips, kisses, pat etc. saying I love, look at each other and see your partner. It the small things that will get you and keep you on track.

Good luck, daddyo


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