# 4th time in 18 years 2 kiddos



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

well, this is new for me. But I need to get it out there. Hoping it will help with the process. 

I Just caught my wife of 18 years sleeping with another man 2 weeks ago. This would be the 4th time in 18 years. I suspect probably 2 others. 

I am deeply in love with her but know that i cant go on living this kind of bs all the the time. My anger at her has mostly succeeded and just trying to deal now. 

I am a stay at home dad for the last 3 years that works sometimes (if that makes sense..side jobs while kids at school) 
I work more in the summer but am still able to do it from home with the kids. 
my wife works 60+ hours a week and then frequently has to wine and dine till midnight. 

I told her I wasnt leaving my kids and if she wanted to leave to go. well she did. 

she wants to move back in next month...I would be on the couch of course because i am a gentleman. She legally can do this I know. 
Its funny she has spent more time with the kids in the last 2 weeks than the last 3 years..prob guilt. 
Any insight would be great. thanks


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Ok. I am going to be blunt. Why the He11 are you putting up with this!? Do you have no self respect? I am going to give you a little advise.
1) see an attorney NOW!
2) File for divorce, seeking custody of the kids as the primary care giver and spousal support
3) Read No MOre Mr. Nice Guy and the man up threads IMMEDIATELY
40 FInd your balls. You are a man and deserve to be treated as one. Kick this trash to the curb and find someone who will respect and love you. Also start looking for a way to support yourself. I firmly believe that SAH dad's loose the respect of their spouses quite frequently.

Good luck!


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

I have worked forever. But when she got this new job I didnt want my kids to be latch key kids. So stay at home dad happened. I still work but just get to be at home doing it..


----------



## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

4th time that you know of and probably 2 more that you cant prove?

I have to say its all your fault and you deserve to be cheated again by if you don't divorce.
Some people forgive 1st time cheating in hopes of changes and it never happening again but after that if you don't divorce you are just showing that you are ok with being cheated on and cheater is showing that they will cheat again.

You are SAHD while she is provider,if you divorce you will get the kids and child support.


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

what is best for the kids in your opinion? We can both stay civil. 6 and 10 are the ages. 

Finacially we cant afford 2 houses..yes, i am getting full time work. But then what about my kids? No one there after school? 

If i get divorced/separated then on my wifes time its grandma that they cant stand. what are my options. 
should she move into the rental downstairs? better option? 
any advice is appreciated.


----------



## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

How do you know your kids are yours? I'm a professional man and we have a word for women who act like your wife. You need to man-up and stop being the welcome mat. Are you a cuckold?


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

I agree with kando.
Quit.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

akguy said:


> what is best for the kids in your opinion? We can both stay civil. 6 and 10 are the ages.
> 
> Finacially we cant afford 2 houses..yes, i am getting full time work. But then what about my kids? No one there after school?
> 
> ...


AKguy

You have many options available to you. And putting your wife in the rental is a good one.

Have you ever sat down with your wife to discuss why she cheats?

Have you ever been to MC or demanded she see a therapist?

Her behavior is so disrespectful, especially multiple affairs throughout your marriage.

Do your kids understand why she is out of the house?

And if you have the kids why can't your wife just get an apt. and visit the kids at your house. It sounds like neither the kids nor you were a priority for her. 

And these last 3 weeks with the kids is called guilt.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NewM said:


> 4th time that you know of and probably 2 more that you cant prove?
> 
> *I have to say its all your fault* and you deserve to be cheated again by if you don't divorce.
> Some people forgive 1st time cheating in hopes of changes and it never happening again but after that if you don't divorce you are just showing that you are ok with being cheated on and cheater is showing that they will cheat again.
> ...





> *I have to say its all your fault*


Seriously? It's all HIS fault?

Not entirely certain why anyone hit 'like' on your post.

OP: Your wife chose to cheat. It is *not* your fault.


----------



## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> she wants to move back in next month...I would be on the couch of course because i am a gentleman/Doormat.


This is why she continues to cheat . She knows there are no consequences to her actions and that you will put up with it.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

NewM said:


> 4th time that you know of and probably 2 more that you cant prove?
> 
> I have to say its all your fault and you deserve to be cheated again by if you don't divorce.
> Some people forgive 1st time cheating in hopes of changes and it never happening again but after that if you don't divorce you are just showing that you are ok with being cheated on and cheater is showing that they will cheat again.
> ...


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

akguy said:


> I would be on the couch of course because i am a *beta male*


Don't mistake your weakness with chivalry. 

As a SAHD shes bound to not have much respect for you. You should keep her out instead rather than allowing her to stroll right on in. 

Screw the law as an excuse. She may be able to come back in the house, but theres no ruling on where. Basement, guest room, couch, thats where she should be

Her lack of respect is likely the cause of the affairs. You should go back to working more, and not be so readily at home.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

File for diviorce and for spousal support, go for full custody and child support.

Let her worry about how she will put a roof over her head. She owes you and the kids, to keep you where you are now.

Also expose to the wife of the guy she slept with.

Post your wife and the OM on cheaterville.com.


You absolutely need to go nuclear on her and secure a better future for your kids and yourself.

Btw, are you sure the kids are yours? Your wife is a serial cheater without care, love or repesct for you. You might be caring for another guys kids.


----------



## jfv (May 29, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Seriously? It's all HIS fault?
> 
> Not entirely certain why anyone hit 'like' on your post.
> 
> OP: Your wife chose to cheat. It is *not* your fault.


I think that post is coming from the "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.... school of thought.


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You caught her 2 weeks ago and she opted to leave when offered the choice...with the proviso she was returning in a month.Why do you think she is doing this? Where is she staying...with OM? 4 or more times in 18 years with no attempt at self reflection and change tells me she's never been remorseful.She's of a particular mindset that has no redeeming qualities when you want an honest,respectful,strong and healthy marriage.You're going to be treated the way you allow yourself to be treated and that seems to always work in her favor...time to change that and for her to pay the piper imo.If your actions and her actions don't change this time what is there really left...18 more years of the same nonsense? Sorry for your situation,but you can choose a different path this time and I hope you do.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You seem to be focusing on the welfare of the kids, which is certainly a good thing, but there are many things that affect the well-being of our children.

You don't have any ideal options right now because your wife has made that impossible with her betrayals. Your children will have to be factored into this bad situation no matter what. In my opinion, your wife's moral example is potentially worse for the children than a daycare option that takes you out of their caretaking for a certain period of time a day.

You should file for divorce, get primary custody if you can, and work out the logistics re your children as well as you can. Again, there are no great options for you, just less awful ones.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Decision time, man. Lawyer time. Forget the gentleman side of you.
Nail her to the wall, direct to the yugular, shark lawyer, follow advice to a tee.
Detach from her, only texts/email, only practial things, kids schedule and logistics. Embrace the 180.
The 180 degree rules
Dads divorce
No More Mr Nice Guy


----------



## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Can't turn a hoe into a housewife, can't turn a hoe into a housewife, can't turn a hoe into a housewife, can't turn a hoe.....


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Seriously? It's all HIS fault?
> 
> Not entirely certain why anyone hit 'like' on your post.
> 
> OP: Your wife chose to cheat. It is *not* your fault.


The first one was not his fault but he shares in the blame for her subsequent actions.


----------



## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

akguy said:


> well, this is new for me. But I need to get it out there. Hoping it will help with the process.
> 
> I Just caught my wife of 18 years sleeping with another man 2 weeks ago. This would be the 4th time in 18 years. I suspect probably 2 others.
> 
> ...



4 affairs? I believe you have been a gentleman long enough. You have taken that trait to the extreme.

You right, you can't go on living like this. You know what you have to do, I am sure you have read enough here to know. You are married to a serial cheater who isn't remotely sorry for what she is doing or has done.

Lawyer up as others have said. I know this is something that hurts you, and you don't feel it, but you KNOW it has to be done. Don't wait any longer, talk with a lawyer, get your options and go from there. 

btw: Guilt does not equal sorry, So don't think her guilt means she is sorry for what she has done to you and your marriage.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

First off, go in and talk to a lawyer. Get a clear understanding of your current financial situation. Start exploring employment options that are "kid friendly". Either working from home, working for a school district, etc. 

Second, you don't mention the aftermath of the previous affairs. Did you simply accept her apology and her word that she wouldn't do it again? Or did you make sure she understood there was a high price for screwing around?

By simply rolling over and letting her back into your life, you're teaching her that there's no consequences to her actions. In effect, you're accepting her behaviour. 

C


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kasler said:


> Don't mistake your weakness with chivalry.
> 
> As a SAHD shes bound to not have much respect for you. You should keep her out instead rather than allowing her to stroll right on in.
> 
> ...


No, that's probably NOT how it works!

A wife who wants to go wayward picks up whatever stick she can find to beat her faithful husband with:-

"I can't respect you because:-
"You work too many hours!" _WHACK!_ 
"You should get a better job!" _WHACK!_
"You are a stay at home dad!" _WHACK!_

It is just an excuse! NOT a reason!


----------



## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

KanDo said:


> Ok. I am going to be blunt. Why the He11 are you putting up with this!? Do you have no self respect? I am going to give you a little advise.i
> 1) see an attorney NOW!
> 2) File for divorce, seeking custody of the kids as the primary care giver and spousal support
> 3) Read No MOre Mr. Nice Guy and the man up threads IMMEDIATELY
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your DEEPLY IN LOVE with a woman that has had 6 or more A's on you since you have taken vows-----just one question---what exactly kind of love is it that you could have for this woman

Have you ever at any time, asked her what she thinks of you-----naw you don't have toooo---ACTIONS SPEAK WAY LOUDER THAN WORDS


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

akguy said:


> I Just caught my wife of 18 years sleeping with another man 2 weeks ago. This would be the 4th time in 18 years. I suspect probably 2 others.





> I am a stay at home dad for the last 3 years that works sometimes (if that makes sense..side jobs while kids at school)
> I work more in the summer but am still able to do it from home with the kids.


We are asuming Her wife's past affairs happened within the last 3 years period (Stay at home dad issue).
Why?
Maybe she's cheating since the beginning of the marriage therefore she didn't start cheating as a result of the beta-SAHD thing. Serial cheters doesn't need a "reason". It's about who they are.

Still the steps to follow are the same. There's no need to speculate but the timing of the steps. Whit that record the marriage/WW is irrecoverable.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Dude has the weirdest idea of gentle*man* i've seen. 

Gentle*men* do things for their ladies. Well, your wife isn't one.


----------



## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Dude has the weirdest idea of gentle*man* i've seen.
> 
> Gentle*men* do things for their ladies. Well, your wife isn't one.


Well, not all of us have alpha male written all over our avatars just to emphasize a point. A little compassion, brother.

Btw that great big dog in your avatar is very cuddly. Oh, guess my T levels are going down again.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jnj express said:


> Your DEEPLY IN LOVE with a woman that has had 6 or more A's on you since you have taken vows-----just one question---what exactly kind of love is it that you could have for this woman
> 
> Have you ever at any time, asked her what she thinks of you-----naw you don't have toooo---ACTIONS SPEAK WAY LOUDER THAN WORDS


He loves her in the way that he should.

But she doesn't love him in the way she should.

That's not his fault.

OP, good luck with whatever action YOU decide to take.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

4 guys in 18 years that you know about. DO you think you really caught all of them? Are you willing to keep up this pace, roughly 1 that you know about every 4-5 years or so. 

Take care


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

Well, after 2 therapy sessions. Lots of talks with my friends. I told her tonight I want a divorce. We talked about joint therapy..I just dont see moving past this and dont think therapy can help. 

The damage is done and I need to heal and move along. I assume this is going to take awhile and I appreciate all the input. It has validated what I thought I needed to do. 

It is not my fault and I let her continue this pattern because I loved her. 

Great site and thank you. Some dbags angry folks but mostly good advice. 

I will now move on to my custody deal...I assume put in the correct forum and not continue here?


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

How'd she take the news?


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Glad to hear you are moving forward. And please don't misunderstand. many of the posters in your thread may seem harsh. That's just straigh talk brought on by experience. Many betrayed spouse really need a wake-up call to see the reality of their situation. Everyone on this forum wishes our brothers and sisters in the fraternity of the betrayed well. Please take their comments in the spirit in which they were given.

Be well and post your progress.


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> How'd she take the news?


Probobly whit "Yeah we will see about that wimp" attetude

I surley hope he goes thru whit divorce.And outing her sorry ass


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

I Did out her. That night and the next day to all our friends and most of her family. I told them about all the affairs..not in detail but that she has had numerous affairs in the past. 

Sad part is she is more afraid of what everyone else thinks about her doing this than what she did to me and the kids. We live in a very small town of 1,500 

I also outed the guy to his GF. She had already found out that morning and moved out of state. She said she wanted to call me and tell me but couldn't. 
She told me she read his texts is how she found out. Then goes on to tell me my stbxw is pregnant! I dont know if she was telling the truth or not. My stbxw says she is not. We are in our mid 40's so odds are not good she is. Hard saying not knowing. 

My stbxw was very vague when i told her I want a divorce. 

As a sahd I need to do whats best for the kids and I. Her moving back in here is not one of those things. 

Today i feel strong I hope I can keep it up.


----------



## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

akguy said:


> I Did out her. That night and the next day to all our friends and most of her family. I told them about all the affairs..not in detail but that she has had numerous affairs in the past.
> 
> Sad part is she is more afraid of what everyone else thinks about her doing this than what she did to me and the kids. We live in a very small town of 1,500
> 
> ...


Good for you. Those kids deserve a happy father.


----------



## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

"She told me she read his texts is how she found out. Then goes on to tell me my stbxw is pregnant! I dont know if she was telling the truth or not. My stbxw says she is not. We are in our mid 40's so odds are not good she is. Hard saying not knowing. "

and you would believe your stbxw because ........

She has lied to you for 18 years -- why is she going to start telling the truth now.?


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

yes, good point..but I don't know who to believe at this time!


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I definitely wouldn't give her the bed you sometimes shared with her as well as,perhaps six other guys. If she forces her way back into the house, let her sleep on an air- mattress on the floor in some other room.


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

you are right. She can have the couch.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

akguy said:


> Sad part is she is more afraid of what everyone else thinks about her doing this than what she did to me and the kids. We live in a very small town of 1,500.


I'm so sorry for all you are going through.

It's awful when you realize that the person you have loved for so long is really on a different plane emotionally and mentally - almost like facing a pod person. I do think, though, that recognizing that she is very different inside from the person you thought she was is a first, important step toward detaching in a healthy way.


----------



## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

akguy said:


> I Did out her. That night and the next day to all our friends and most of her family. I told them about all the affairs..not in detail but that she has had numerous affairs in the past.
> 
> Sad part is she is more afraid of what everyone else thinks about her doing this than what she did to me and the kids. We live in a very small town of 1,500
> 
> ...


If the town is only 1500 more people already know then she realizes.


----------



## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

You're on the right path OP. I'm glad you're doing the right thing for yourself your sanity and your children. When you've healed emotionally and figured out why you would put up with crap like that for so long (so you won't do it again) I'm sure you'll find a woman who treats you and your children with the love and respect you deserve. 

Stay strong!


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Temporary orders! 
Put the ball rolling. Be ahead of her.
She won't stay passive. The moment she "knows" the party ended she will be very aggressive on things. She never had you as a priority. She never acted in your interest at heart, nor her children in such small town.
Her fear of reputation destruction is unfounded, people already know who she is. I can garantee you now many "friends"/aquitances will reveal how deep the rabbit hole it was since ages.
Trick her into ths MC if it goes in your interes but, on her back, prepare your exit and hit her hard. Now it's all about you and your children!.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If your wife is pregnant--- with her lover----you need to settle the paternity issue---cuz you sure don't wanna be paying for his child, as you grow into your 60's------if you get stuck for this kid, it is for the next 18 yrs

Also no matter what, you do not leave the home, during any proceedings that follow----she can stay away---in all reality she has been gone from your family for a number of years anyway---why should it change now, for the last months of what is left of the mge

Good luck to you, and stay strong---for you and your kids


----------



## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

hookares said:


> I definitely wouldn't give her the bed you sometimes shared with her as well as,perhaps six other guys. If she forces her way back into the house, let her sleep on an air- mattress on the floor in some other room.


No, I would give her the bed. Could you ever sleep on it again, without remembering that she probably effed other guys on it? To me, that bed should be burnt.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

workindad said:


> 4 guys in 18 years that you know about. DO you think you really caught all of them? Are you willing to keep up this pace, roughly 1 that you know about every 4-5 years or so.
> 
> Take care


And you should dna the kids too if for nothing else to show what you think of her.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Hey AKguy

Good move and I am glad you kept your cool.

Your WW has some serious issues and if she is really pregnant then she has doubled the amount of issues she has.

See an attorney. Make sure the attorney knows she might be pregnant so you are protected. Move forward to get her out of your life.

And keep the kids if you can. You are a stable parent.

HM64


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

And to answer your question I woulds say to stay on this thread until you serve her D papers.

I do not think this thread is finished yet.......


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

akguy said:


> what is best for the kids in your opinion? We can both stay civil. 6 and 10 are the ages.
> 
> Finacially we cant afford 2 houses..yes, i am getting full time work. But then what about my kids? No one there after school?
> 
> ...


 Kids always know a lot more then we think. They don't miss anything! 

What is best for the kids in my opinion is 2 parents that are happy with or without each other. 

She is cheating on you and has done this 4 times that you know of. You are tolerating this because? 

What is this showing your children? that it ok to cheat on the marriage.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I gotta wonder, what kind of job does your wife have in at own of 1500 people where she wines and dines clients frequently.

I'm betting she's been having long term affairs and the town isn't telling you. 

Get those kids DNA tested, and file asap.

I'm thinking her plan is to let things cool down, throw a little sex at you, oops she got preggers, and just discovered how much she wants to make it work.

Don't fall for it, act quickly.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I gotta wonder, what kind of job does your wife have in at own of 1500 people where she wines and dines clients frequently.
> 
> I'm betting she's been having long term affairs and the town isn't telling you.
> 
> ...


You need to lawyer up now!


----------



## old_soldier (Jul 17, 2012)

"Honour manifests itself as an individual that is trustworthy, respectful to themselves, their peers, their friends and family, the institutions of their society, as well as true to their word and promises. A person of honour has moral courage and is disciplined enough to overcome temptation. They are held in the highest esteems. Honourable people are honest and loyal to family values. Honour insists that personal integrity and allegiance to moral principles is forthright in their day to day living. Honour is being duty bound to your family members and faithful to your commitments in fulfilling your responsibilities. An honourable person is pure in heart and deed. Honour comes with adhering fully to the moral code and the law of the land."

Honour does not mean you make yourself a door mat. My God man, get a grip on yourself. Being a stay at home dad is an honouable thing to do, but letting a CHEATING WIFE get away without consequences is not honouable. It's weak and pathetic. You love her? Fine. Do you really deep down in your soul believe she loves and respects you? Is SHE hunourable?


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

She went and talked to a lawyer today and of course is moving back in tomorrow. I am sure her lawyer told her to do that. 
We need to start mediation now I guess. 
She wants to buy me out of the house. I said no way and I want physical custody of the children. She wants 50/50 joint custody. I guess that would be fine but she works too much and I worry about the kids. What about child support? With a 50/50 split?
This is going to be hell isnt it.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

akguy said:


> She went and talked to a lawyer today and of course is moving back in tomorrow. I am sure her lawyer told her to do that.
> We need to start mediation now I guess.
> She wants to buy me out of the house. I said no way and I want physical custody of the children. She wants 50/50 joint custody. I guess that would be fine but she works too much and I worry about the kids. What about child support? With a 50/50 split?
> This is going to be hell isnt it.


It's going to be hellX2 if you are passive about dealing with it.

Where is your lawyer and where is you filing for temporay custody and support?

Where have she and he been exposed?

Have you taken the joint credit cards you have access to and bought amercian express gift certificates for yourself to secure access to money when she decides to play hardball and cut you off?

Have you taken money out of the joint account to secure a shark lawyer?


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

joe kidd said:


> If the town is only 1500 more people already know then she realizes.


the husband is always the last to know.


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

Right now we still have a joint account. She opened up a new checking account this week In her name only and put $500 in. She paid the lawyer $450 today I saw. I will look into temp support.
still figuring it all out.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

akguy said:


> Right now we still have a joint account. She opened up a new checking account this week In her name only and put $500 in. She paid the lawyer $450 today I saw. I will look into temp support.
> still figuring it all out.


You need to get your own lawyer. Start calling tomorrow. Don't let her know.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

akguy said:


> Right now we still have a joint account. She opened up a new checking account this week In her name only and put $500 in. She paid the lawyer $450 today I saw. I will look into temp support.
> still figuring it all out.


Sorry sir, but the time for sitting back waiting to see where it is going has come and gone. You need to take action to protect yourself and your family, or a couple of days from now you will find yourself on the street and broke, or in jail on some BS charge she made up to get you out of the house.


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

What about just doing mediation? Will we get anywhere? Or should I just lawyer up?


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

I really cant afford a lawyer right now...


----------



## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

As my mom once told me "u can't afford not to have an attorney"


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

akguy said:


> I really cant afford a lawyer right now...


Then bend over and grab your ankles...cause here it comes.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

akguy said:


> What about just doing mediation? Will we get anywhere? Or should I just lawyer up?


You can mediate, but you still need a lawyer. She's got one for a reason.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

akguy said:


> I really cant afford a lawyer right now...


You can't afford a cheating wife or a divorce, yet you've got both. She can afford a lawyer, then so can you.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

She's steps ahead of you. She's going to f0ck you again.
Think hard what do you want custody and money wise. If you don't agree then mediation seems a waste.


----------



## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

akguy said:


> I really cant afford a lawyer right now...


Find a way. Family or friends. You may get an attorney that will let you have a payment plan. Call the local bar and see what they may have.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

jim123 said:


> Find a way. Family or friends. You may get an attorney that will let you have a payment plan. Call the local bar and see what they may have.


work with one on a payment plan.


----------



## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

akguy said:


> She went and talked to a lawyer today and of course is moving back in tomorrow. I am sure her lawyer told her to do that.
> We need to start mediation now I guess.
> She wants to buy me out of the house. I said no way and I want physical custody of the children. She wants 50/50 joint custody. I guess that would be fine but she works too much and I worry about the kids. What about child support? With a 50/50 split?
> This is going to be hell isnt it.


Use the buyout to pay for the attorney. It will be difficult to beat 50 50 for a man so take the deal,

She is gone. Yes the attorney told her to move back in.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Pay out of the joint account. She's going to be directing her paycheck into the new one in her name.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

akguy said:


> She went and talked to a lawyer today and of course is moving back in tomorrow. I am sure her lawyer told her to do that.
> We need to start mediation now I guess.
> She wants to buy me out of the house. I said no way and I want physical custody of the children. She wants 50/50 joint custody. I guess that would be fine but she works too much and I worry about the kids. What about child support? With a 50/50 split?
> This is going to be hell isnt it.


Living with her infidelity is hell.


----------



## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Then bend over and grab your ankles...cause here it comes.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

OP don't you know the golden rule of divorce? The first to file usually walks away the winner. Considering that she's a woman, you're going to be screwed even worse. And to top it of. She's a cheater and that says a lot about her character. She could simply have a restraining order brought against you giving a false complaint of physical abuse and then you're going to be screwed worse. And you live in america? Wonderful!

Man you need to get yourself educated and at the very least get a consultation. In divorce you play to win, its all about strategy and not about your emotions and your plight. you think the court cares? Nah.

If you're lazy now, well, let's just say that Mach's comment above is going to become a reality.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

akguy said:


> I really cant afford a lawyer right now...


PLEASE! You really can't afford to NOT have an attorney right now! Take moneu from the joint account RIGHT NOW and hire the best attorney you can. You need to file for divotce and support right away. You are already at a disadvantage as she has gotten an attorney who is advising her and she is moving back in. Please stop being a chump. Even if you have to borrow the money, get an attorney NOW!


----------



## akguy (Oct 27, 2012)

Getting a lawyer today.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

akguy said:


> Getting a lawyer today.


Good to hear man.


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

akguy said:


> Getting a lawyer today.


PS half the money right now is yours. Period. You say you can't afford an attorney, but she can....Make sure you follow through with this.

The big misperception is a SAHparent has no rights, is lower in the courts eyes and has no money.

All three of those things are false. take out enough of the joint account to cover your attorney's retainer. Your attorney should do a financial discovery and then she's locked in, she can't spend, put aside or hide any money.


----------

