# How do I win my wifes heart back!



## punchlove

After being separated from my wife for the past 9 months we have been going back and forth trying to reconcile. My wife left me back in August after she lost a bunch of weight. While separated we both started seeing other people. She attempted to come back many times and I would allow it as I love my wife dearly and there is no one Id rather be with then her. At this moment we are not seeing anyone but yet she is afraid to come home. I try my best to be a better husband and also give her time and space, not to rush her. But I feel that she is afraid of coming home because she enjoys here freedom. We have been together for over 11 years and married for almost 4 years with 2 kids. I miss her so much and I can honestly say that I am lost and lonely with out her. When I am around her I get nervous because I do not want to scare her away or pressure her into coming home. She tells me she loves me and can't picture her life with out me, but I fear that she only sees me as a best friend instead of a husband.


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## whitehawk

Hi Punch and sorry about your situation.
This is just an opinion , I'm no expert believe with my own crap going on but.

I'd be pretty concerned the way you say she likes her freedom.
That usually translates to she just wants to screw around and very hurtful wife material.
Just an opinion . Good luck anyway


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## Alpha

What do you mean she attempted to come back several times? Why isn't she back yet if she has attempted to? Meaning, she is out there playing the field, didn't meet the right guy, thought about going back to you, but decided to play the field again? I don't get it.

Your wife lost a lot of weight and then she left you. How convenient. And what did you do about it? Pay for her apartment and allow her to bang whoever she wanted? 

Where are the children now, with you?

You want to get her back, I'll tell you how. You quit acting like a ***** and grow some hair on your chest. You tell her something like this. "You say you love me and can't picture yourself without me? Then why don't you come home? If you can't make up your mind, then its very simple, I'll make up your mind for you. You have 30 days before I file for divorce."


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## catch22gofigure

Elaborate on going back and forth...what have you all done to try and R ?


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## punchlove

Alpha:
She was seeing another man and spending all her time with him. I forced my self to move on because she did. So one day she asked if we can talk and she said what has she done. That she has made a mess of her life. What did I lose she said. Long story short we spent that weekend together and I could not get over the hurt and pain she caused me. I kept throwing things in her face out of sadness and she sat there and took it all. When Monday came she said that could not handle the pain and to lets give it time. I agreed but then she went back to her fling. We had about 3 of these episodes before I told her off. The last episode she called me crying saying she could not live life with out me. So since March we have not seen anyone else and talk as friends. We were spending every weekend together hanging out with the kids and enjoying each other. Still she does not want to come home yet and does not know what she wants. I told her this week that I love her and I wish for her to come home, but Im going to separate myself from her and when my heart is ready Im going to file for divorce. She broke down in tears right there in front of me. She would text me through out that day saying she was depressed and did not want to lose me. I was hurt and sad that day as well. As a few days went by I really don't feel confident that we will R. I feel that she does not give us a chance and that Im doing all of the work. I recently got my self into going to check out some cover bands and trying new things. I have invited her but she turns me down. I feel my heart starting to heal and almost wanting to moving on. Im a good man who worked hard for his family and I deserve better. Letting go is the hardest thing. My wife is my world.


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## This is me

After a couple of years of a similar situation, in hindsite what she was going through was a Mid Life Crisis. 

We nearly divorced but it was very clear to me the woman I had been married to for 17 years suddenly went through many changes, like weight loss, exercising like never before, braces on a good smile and researched a boob job. She was lost and facing the reality she was aging and our marriage suffered because of it.

The good news is with great patience and pro marriage counseling we survived and are now thriving.

Read divorce remedy or divorce busters.


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## Alpha

Okay I'm getting mixed signals here from you. Its either you take her back or you don't. 

She cheated. She has confessed to you about it, says she wants you back, and she feels remorse about it. 

Your reaction is natural, the betrayal, the pain. However, if you still love your wife, and you say it yourself that she is your life, then accept her back before you lose her for the final time. Confirm first if the other man is still around, because it sounds like he still is if she has hesitation to go back home. You can't fix anything if he is around.

If she says he isn't then tell her that you would like to work on things but that for your peace of mind, you can only do so with total transparency. If she cannot agree to this, then something is still happening with the other man. But if she agrees, then you both are on the same page. You want her back and she wants you back. Keep on doing things with her and don't try to force anything new on her yet. Let her come around, and she will.

And swallow your pride on this one. You dated other women during the separation, probably had sex with them too. Time will heal things, but not if you keep on thinking about the past.

If she is your life do not let her go.


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## punchlove

Thank you for your advice and support. I can see where you say that your getting mixed signals about me. I sometimes have mixed signals. Maybe Im just on the edge with the roller coaster. She has told me that she is no longer seeing this other guy. I believe her. This weekend is our daughters 6th Birthday and we are celebrating together. Being patient is difficult, but I know that the reward will be greater than this all. I pray things do work for us. We are both still young (late 20s) and have plenty of life left.


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## Alpha

That's why. Let her back and try to forget the past. No easy task Punchlove but you love this woman so much, give her another chance.


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## DavidWYoung

Sorry , but I see this in a different light. You are your wife's number two choice. You are no longer her lover or man. She knows how to play you and she knows that you think the world of her.

If you want to start a relationship with this woman, DIVORCE HER!

Do not speak to her for two years. Then, if you still want her call and set up a date with her.

My reading of what she has done is that she is setting you up for a BIG FALL!

Just my view. David


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## Alpha

David could be correct. If she has hesitation to come home then she is holding on to something.


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## whitehawk

Alpha said:


> What do you mean she attempted to come back several times? Why isn't she back yet if she has attempted to? Meaning, she is out there playing the field, didn't meet the right guy, thought about going back to you, but decided to play the field again? I don't get it.
> 
> Your wife lost a lot of weight and then she left you. How convenient. And what did you do about it? Pay for her apartment and allow her to bang whoever she wanted?
> 
> @@@ Yep , 1st thing I thought of to !
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Where are the children now, with you?
> 
> You want to get her back, I'll tell you how. You quit acting like a ***** and grow some hair on your chest. You tell her something like this. "You say you love me and can't picture yourself without me? Then why don't you come home? If you can't make up your mind, then its very simple, I'll make up your mind for you. You have 30 days before I file for divorce."


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I agree your wife is using you as a plan B. I bet you she is seeing another man. Perhaps he's married and she's waiting to leave his wife.(I'm just speculating, but I think it's highly possible). 

When two people are married, they live together, not in separate houses. They both work equally hard towards their marriage. I don't see why she can't have her freedom while living with you? That's unless there's another man involved. Personally, I'd be giving an ultimatum. However, infidelity is my biggest deal breaker. I don't give second chances. I'd rather live alone then with a partner who betrays me.


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## Betrayedone

Ditch the *****........After being able to observe my situation for quite some time I am sorry that I didn't let her go after the first night she decided to sleep in my son's room. You're likely just prolonging the pain of the inevitable. Lots of wasted energy and emotion here.


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