# "An affair with a Jeep"



## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

As a man is it allowable for me to ask questions in the ladies section?


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## Chore (Jul 15, 2013)

1 - Yes.
2 - you just did
3 - A Jeep? Seriously??


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Sure.

Your title made me giggle. Triggered a memory of a friend who accused her husband of having an affair with his well manicured lawn.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

MrClean said:


> As a man is it allowable for me to ask questions in the ladies section?


With a "Jeep"? 

That's so sad.

Now, if it was a Jag I could certainly understand.


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## Chore (Jul 15, 2013)

I love my Jeep ... but I treat it badly.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

An affair -with- a Jeep or an affair -in- a Jeep?

If the former - a Jeep, really? That's setting your standards too low. I recommend working on your self-esteem. You are worth it, and deserve a partner of value.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Sure.
> 
> Your title made me giggle. Triggered a memory of a friend who accused her husband of having an affair with his well manicured lawn.


And yours triggered one of a neighbor who was always fertilizing his lawn, but not his wife. It was a very beautiful lawn, though.


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

Okay.... Here it goes. I used to be a drunk. All my drinking buddies were on the street. Alcohol gave me something to numb the pain of having to listen to sports talk when we got together. I have been sober for 19 months now and those guys bore me now. My wife wanted a Jeep. I joined a Jeep Club. Didn't like the Jeep Club I joined so I formed a club of my own. Now I have more friends than I know what to do with. I'm a very social guy. The new friends are not heavy drinkers, most are married, and most have kids. I do take my kids to the meets and encourage her to plan something with a friend. She never does. 

Here is the problem. My wife has no interest in my once a month meet.... which is fine. But we have a Beach run coming up where everyone is taking spouses and families and my wife still has no interest and blames the Jeep.

What to do?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This ain't got nothing to with the Jeep and more to do with how the drinking/becoming sober was addressed.


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

This doesn't have anything to do with drinking either.

Boredom maybe. Drinking used to help with the boredom. Wife not liking to travel doesn't help. Wife being icked out by hotel rooms sucks. She just assume stay home with our dog and then gives me **** when I go do something with friends even when I always include her and my boys.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Drinking typically wreaks havoc on relationships. You may be over it but she may not be.

Or she may be the one with the problem...I don't know.

Not enough information to say for sure.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So - how much time do you spend with the wife outside of "Jeep Club"?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Personal story...the guy having an affair with his lawn? My friend was depressed and angry a lot. He retreated to his man cave (the yard). She got pissed from being neglected. He felt attacked and spent less time with her and round and round they went. Both wrong.

They fixed this in counseling. She sought help for her depression and he agreed to spend more time with her.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

MrClean said:


> Okay.... Here it goes. I used to be a drunk. All my drinking buddies were on the street. Alcohol gave me something to numb the pain of having to listen to sports talk when we got together. I have been sober for 19 months now and those guys bore me now. My wife wanted a Jeep. I joined a Jeep Club. Didn't like the Jeep Club I joined so I formed a club of my own. Now I have more friends than I know what to do with. I'm a very social guy. The new friends are not heavy drinkers, most are married, and most have kids. I do take my kids to the meets and encourage her to plan something with a friend. She never does.
> 
> Here is the problem. My wife has no interest in my once a month meet.... which is fine. But we have a Beach run coming up where everyone is taking spouses and families and my wife still has no interest and blames the Jeep.
> 
> What to do?


I dated a guy who was in a club like this. Different type of car, but they had meets and road rallies and all that. I thought it was fun, and I'm not into cars at all. What I hated was that he was so completely attuned to every breath and sigh his engine made, but my body during sex? Not so much.

Dig deeper. Is she truly just uninterested or bored with your car club and car friends? Or is she resentful that your car seems to be more significant to you than she is? If it's the latter, fix that and she won't care about your car club. Fix it by showing her how important she is to you, and how much you do care about her.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Also - what was it about the first Club that you didn't enjoy? And how often do you get together with these people? Are you using the family funds to support this Club?


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

Married but Happy - I have no problem fertilizing the yard when she lets me and not to toot my own horn but she would tell you the same that I am disappointed when she doesn't - well you know. Getting shot down on yardwork gets old and when I stop asking she thinks I am fertilizing someone elses. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. That's how ya'll work....right? 

Mavash - my wife used to throw down the beer with me. She developed chronic migraines and alcohol was the first thing the Dr. pulled from her diet. She was LESS tolerant of my embarrassing behaviors after she quit drinking I did drink alot but so did she. Just not anywhere as much as me. I am glad I did quit because I am alot more productive and have earned respect back from those that I used to make an ass of myself in front of. I am not choosing what I do with the family based on whether alcohol is involved or not. 

I didn't like the first club because the few guys that were running it did not have the same family values as myself. Lot's of cussing, drinking, and smoking. The new group I setup is based on being family friendly.

Starstarfish - I am home every night by 6ish. I don't travel for work. Spend as much time as I can with my family but am tired of always doing it at home. I like to GET OUT of the house and she has turned into a home body.

Norajane - I don't work on my Jeep. I bought it for her in fact and I made sure that it was outfitted the way I wanted because I don't like working on cars or modifying them. I get frustrated just changing the battery. Modifying and working on them is not my thing. I would rather spend time with my family. I don't even mow my own lawn because I would rather spend my Saturdays doing fun things with the family.

How am I supposed to show her my love when I get SHOT DOWN when I want to make a quick getaway for the weekend, or go spend the night in Galveston and on the beach, get up early and go to breakfast or lunch for that matter... I took her on a drive on the neighbors golf cart to watch the sun go down and she was like big deal. Everything is too much for her! I would drag my kids everywhere with me without hesitation. She is an anchor.

I thought someone mentioned money and expense of the Club/Jeep. Money is not a problem as I own a very successful business. Besides that we are both very frugal and only spend money if we really think we need/want it. We have never had that issue... Thank god!


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

MrClean said:


> Okay.... Here it goes. I used to be a drunk. All my drinking buddies were on the street. Alcohol gave me something to numb the pain of having to listen to sports talk when we got together. I have been sober for 19 months now and those guys bore me now. My wife wanted a Jeep. I joined a Jeep Club. Didn't like the Jeep Club I joined so I formed a club of my own. Now I have more friends than I know what to do with. I'm a very social guy. The new friends are not heavy drinkers, most are married, and most have kids. I do take my kids to the meets and encourage her to plan something with a friend. She never does.
> 
> Here is the problem. My wife has no interest in my once a month meet.... which is fine. But we have a Beach run coming up where everyone is taking spouses and families and my wife still has no interest and blames the Jeep.
> 
> What to do?


I'll give you a bottom line here...

Your wife is a hell of a lot more important than your jeep or any jeep club. If you can grasp that you can then put all this into perspective.


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: "An affair with a Jeep"*



thatbpguy said:


> I'll give you a bottom line here...
> 
> Your wife is a hell of a lot more important than your jeep or any jeep club. If you can grasp that you can then put all this into perspective.


Did you read the whole thread?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

MrClean said:


> How am I supposed to show her my love when I get SHOT DOWN when I want to make a quick getaway for the weekend, or go spend the night in Galveston and on the beach, get up early and go to breakfast or lunch for that matter... I took her on a drive on the neighbors golf cart to watch the sun go down and she was like big deal. Everything is too much for her! I would drag my kids everywhere with me without hesitation. She is an anchor.


Maybe those kinds of things aren't what she wants. 

Have you asked her what kinds of things she wants or likes to do? Is she a gift person? Maybe gifts would make her feel special rather than a weekend getaway. Maybe she wants you to say the words, like compliments and I love you's instead?


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

She has plenty of jewelry. I tell her I love her all the time. Told her this morning in fact when I woke up and again when I left.

She does feel like I treat her like I am her boss though...... Let's just say she isn't very productive as a stay at home mom to two school age kids.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

MrClean said:


> She does feel like I treat her like I am her boss though...... Let's just say she isn't very productive as a stay at home mom to two school age kids.


Why do you stay married to this 'anchor' who is a bad homemaker?


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

Cause I love her.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Does she love you? If so how does she show it?


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

I don't think she does.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

MrClean said:


> I don't think she does.


That's what I thought. 

I said your problem had nothing to do with the Jeep.


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

I know it's not about the Jeep. It is about wanting to get out there and do things. 

In 10 years we have gone on ZERO vacations unless we took our dogs and kids which is VERY limiting... My father has a nice RV we can use but it is hard to get around in and a pain in the butt to clean after using it.

For gods sake, she has never planned ANYTHING for our family to do. ANYTHING!!!! Not even lunch or dinner out of the house. To be honest my children fend for themselves for breakfast and lunch. They only get a square dinner when I come home. If I work late they usually haven't eaten.

I am BORED!!!! The Jeep makes me happy because I get to get out there and do things and meet people. I get to spend time with my boys - she could go if she wanted to.

I spent my childhood on lakes and mountains. I want the same for my boys but my wife is a homebody who doesn't like HOTELS. tents, river water, lake water, ocean water, snow or the cold for that matter. It is all off limits for her.

I tried solving the home cleanliness by hiring a $127 per week house cleaner. 10 minutes after they left the doors would be wide open and my kids and the neighbor kids would be in there trashing it before I even got home to enjoy it. Only reason she picked up the house was because you have to clean for the cleaners. 

You should SEE my childrens rooms. Haven't picked them up in months! Only deep clean and toy throw away was done by me because it was my idea. She just has NO initiative to do anything on her own.

I don't hunt, golf, or fish..... I take my boys out in my JEEP.

I surround myself with good people. That is so important to me that I formed my own club with people I like and that have similar ideas as me for family.

I don't even open the refrigerator because it is disgusting and I don't know what I can eat because I don't know what is edible. Her own sister and myself are the only ones that have done a PULL EVERYTHING out and clean the fridge in 10 years.


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

Sorry.... Just venting... Gotta do it somewhere because I don't believe in venting to my friends and family about my wife.


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

Oh the dogs!!! Her excuse was we can't travel because of our elderly dogs. Well they died!!! I said lets take a vacation before we get another dog.

Well that lasted about two weeks. She guilted me into getting another dog by telling me that I would let her get one...

That she didn't want a new dog because I always yelled at her about the old ones.

I told her the problem was NOT the dogs but the HER letting the dogs in the house without checking to make sure their feet were clean and they hadn't rolled in grass and covered in it.

Well we got a NEW dog! Still no vacation.


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

I don't need a **** and SPAN house.... I have NO problem picking up a bottle of 409 and wiping a counter or vacuuming the floors. BUT if I have to move her PILE of CRAP, put away 5 blankets, 3 pairs of shoes, and numerous toys to do it then it is irritating. She has no sense of organization. She just goes to the grocery store and puts the stuff in the pantry where ever it lands.

I own and operate two successful businesses. Pay all the bills. Do everything related to our home and business without any help from her.

I have asked for help from her in the past for small little projects. It it too much for her. It will just sit in her inbox. So I don't ask anymore and do everything myself.

I can't relax in a messy house after a long day in the office.

I sound like a dream to live with don't I.


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

I am WOUND up now..

OK ladies... Give it to me!


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

Here is another thing... When I go do guy stuff like camping or offroading to bond with my boys which is maybe once every two months, she will give my youngest who is attached to HER the option to stay home and play with his girlfriends. I say girlfriends because that is all he plays with because Mom doesn't make playdate with any boys. He prefers to play with girls because there are a ton on our street. Only way he will play with a boy is it there are no girls around. It pisses me off that I came home to him to playing with dolls when there were two boys his age at my Jeep meeting playing ball. I told him he had to go with me because mommy was going to do something with her friends. He agreed to go with me. Mom undid it as soon as I left the room.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Why can't you travel alone if she refuses to go?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Let's just say she isn't very productive as a stay at home mom to two school age kids.


See, that sounds like depression right there. No interest in doing anything, even to the point of not feeding the kids. It might be time (likely well past time) for a medical or mental health intervention. I have no if its post-partum that just compounded after each kid or some kind of hormone imbalance but that level of ennui isn't quite right. 



> You should SEE my childrens rooms. Haven't picked them up in months! Only deep clean and toy throw away was done by me because it was my idea. She just has NO initiative to do anything on her own.


To be fair, part of this is on you and your kids. If they are school aged, they are into the age they should have chores. So - what if anything is their responsibility in keeping their rooms clean?



> It pisses me off that I came home to him to playing with dolls when there were two boys his age at my Jeep meeting playing ball.


Don't give this kid a mental complex because he isn't like the other kids at the Jeep meeting. Forcing kids to only do activities "appropriate" for their gender limits them. Why does this make you angry?


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

norajane said:


> I dated a guy who was in a club like this. Different type of car, but they had meets and road rallies and all that. I thought it was fun, and I'm not into cars at all. What I hated was that he was so completely attuned to every breath and sigh his engine made, but my body during sex? Not so much.
> 
> Dig deeper. Is she truly just uninterested or bored with your car club and car friends? Or is she resentful that your car seems to be more significant to you than she is? If it's the latter, fix that and she won't care about your car club. Fix it by showing her how important she is to you, and how much you do care about her.


+1.

That's interesting about the car vs. sex. I'm a gearhead as are many of my friends, but it's safe to say what goes on in the bedroom is 1st priority over what goes on in the garage.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

you need to have outside interests of some type to keep your own identity and to grow further as an adult and a friend to her.

if you are spending time with her and doing things around the house with the family and trying to get more friends and she has an issue with that then......wait a second, she is sabotaging your attempts to gain exterior friends so she can keep you all to herself. I think somebody is a little uncomfortable with themselves. 

you sound like you are doing everything right, you want her involved in this other hobby, you are doing stuff with her. 

big question though....how can you have a jeep and not want to do work on it? I have three jeeps and want another one. occasionally I will escape to the garage and do work on them. even of I had a brand new one I would be doing something to it.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I'm sorry to say I think the ladies are correct.. it's not the Jeep. If the Jeep was replaced by a bicycle she would be upset about that...

It sounds like she has hit a point where she is questioning her life. As in wth am I doing at home with the kids etc etc..

If she has been doing it for a while I wouldn't be surprised if she was depressed.
This really goes deeper.

You said you are sober for over a year? When you were drinking did you have a problem with the house and the kids- or you just noticed this/she just started doing it?

I think it's either her questioning her life OR trying to get used to a new life after you got sober.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

MrClean said:


> You should SEE my childrens rooms. Haven't picked them up in months! Only deep clean and toy throw away was done by me because it was my idea. She just has NO initiative to do anything on her own.


Ok and how old are your kids? :scratchhead: Sorry if it's posted somewhere else and I didn't see it.


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## 66impala (Aug 28, 2013)

My first post here, your topic kind of hit a bell with me. I have two teenage boys, and I have a harder time relating with them now than ever, cell phones, texting, video games. I have a garage with hot rods, harleys, jeeps. Boys have no interest in harleys, my 18yr old has a jeep and we went to the local jeep club but he had no interest in it either, or working on the jeep. I become the maintenance man for his car, he is mad i dont show him what to do but he doesnt come out, and mom gets mad because i dont show him. 

I go thru the same things with my wife that your describing. It would be hard to give advice when I also come to this board sole searching for answers for my own relationship after 23yrs of marriage. What ive found by having my wife come to car shows, bike ralleys is that they will not just try and fake having a good time in your hobby, and at some point you will say I should of left you home because your bringing me down. But I dont know how many times ive faked for my wifes sake going to Ikea, the shopping mall, some small artsy little town. 

Stick to what makes you happy, and use proper time management towards it. Kids now a days will do as little as possible if you dont insist they come along, and you still will get a vibe they dont want to be there. Just did that with my 16yr old son, made him come to Super Chevy show and look at hot rods, really i was planting the seed to see what he liked for his first car.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

66impala said:


> My first post here, your topic kind of hit a bell with me. I have two teenage boys, and I have a harder time relating with them now than ever, cell phones, texting, video games. I have a garage with hot rods, harleys, jeeps. Boys have no interest in harleys, my 18yr old has a jeep and we went to the local jeep club but he had no interest in it either, or working on the jeep. I become the maintenance man for his car, he is mad i dont show him what to do but he doesnt come out, and mom gets mad because i dont show him.
> 
> I go thru the same things with my wife that your describing. It would be hard to give advice when I also come to this board sole searching for answers for my own relationship after 23yrs of marriage. What ive found by having my wife come to car shows, bike ralleys is that they will not just try and fake having a good time in your hobby, and at some point you will say I should of left you home because your bringing me down. But I dont know how many times ive faked for my wifes sake going to Ikea, the shopping mall, some small artsy little town.
> 
> Stick to what makes you happy, and use proper time management towards it. Kids now a days will do as little as possible if you dont insist they come along, and you still will get a vibe they dont want to be there. Just did that with my 16yr old son, *made him come to Super Chevy show and look at hot rods,* really i was planting the seed to see what he liked for his first car.


Good for you and maybe one day he'll appreciate it. I'm totally into cars, boats, motorcycles, etc.

My little girl even notices classics and hotrods on the road. She loves them, too. And Jeeps. 

My suggestion is that when you're working on the car, go get the boy and tell him you want to show him what you're doing. Hopefully he won't "ho and hum" about it. 

I wish my hubs was a "mechanic" type, but he's just not.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

You sound like a fun guy, but your wife sounds like a stick in the mud. What does she actually enjoy doing?  

As far as your kids rooms - I'd tell them that anything that gets left on the floor gets thrown away. After their toys start disappearing they'll get the hint.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

BrockLanders said:


> You sound like a fun guy, but your wife sounds like a stick in the mud. What does she actually enjoy doing?
> 
> As far as your kids rooms - I'd tell them that anything that gets left on the floor gets thrown away. After their toys start disappearing they'll get the hint.


:iagree:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I did that with my daughter. If it's not in the hamper, it doesn't get washed - it could be BESIDE the hamper but I"m not picking it up. If it's on the floor and I'm vacuuming, it got thrown away. Granted I give her a heads up - "I'm doing laundry/vacuuming" is all it takes. The boys' rooms are their responsibility. As their parent you are responsible for enforcing it.

And who the boys plays with - well, they'll each have their own interests. Maybe she wanted a girl and likes having the girls come over. Don't be a homophobe - often boys like this get to really know and appreciate women and turn out to be quite the charmers. Try to take an interest in stuff he likes.

She sounds either depressed or REALLY doesn't like your hobbies. Personally it all sounds like fun to me. And you recognized it was time to grow up and put away the partying and focus on family - her turn.

I think a sit-down telling her that you married to have a partner in life and you feel she really isn't interested in being a partner and you are worried about her lack of enjoyment in life. She doesn't have to like what you like but she should have interests and hobbies and want to do things she enjoys. Encourage her to see a doctor to see if depression is an issue. Then ask her about clubs, classes, anything she ever thought might be cool/interesting and really encourage her to try some things. 

Otherwise you'll be resigned to living separate but married and that's sad.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I might be off base here but I'll give my input any how.

when you guys first got together you were both drunks. Drunks often hook up with other drunks because its something you have in common. plus the booze doesn't let you make the wisest choices.

now that your both clean she realizes that you guys don't have much in common and its taken a while for it to start sinking in for you.

you guys need to find some common interests and try to reconnect. dose she like spending time with you? do you like and enjoy her company. sound like you guys just tolerate eachother for the kids. she thinks your a good dad and you think she an ok mom and nobody wants to upset the apple cart. 

its just might be that you guys were never really in love. that the booze and laziness kept you guy from pulling the plug now with kids and a mortgage/bills its seem to late to pull the plug so you guys have accepted the status quo. nobody is disappointed enough to make it an issue so you limp along hoping things will change on there own. 

so what are you going to do about it?


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

Mavash - I guess I could travel without her but I guess offroading allows me to get out of the house with the boys without an over night stay and it seems respectable to not be gone all weekend all the time. I guess I should try taking the boys out of town without her sometime and see how that goes.

Starstarfish - possibly post partum but can postpartum really last this long? My boys are ages 8 and 9. 

Starstarfish - I appreciate the advice on helping her out with getting the boys to do chores. I sent my wife this article today to start the talks. Her thing is that she says it is too much trouble to get them to do them, I say she gives up too easily and wants to control how they do it too much. This article should help. Age-Appropriate Chores for Children: Chore Ideas and Allowances

Starstarfish - I am not forcing boy activities onto my son who mostly plays with girls but when I have a fun camping trip planned that will help instill a little bit of man into him, I don't like my wife giving him the option of staying home to play with the girls. If we tell him the girls aren't around for him to play with he usually goes with me. Can't get the wife to help encourage him to hang with me and his older brother by not giving him options to play with his girl friends or do girly things with her like grocery shopping.

badcompany - Just haven't ever had mechanical ability in me and never had anyone to show me how. Never had a interest in learning because I get frustrated just putting on a skid plate. Don't enjoy so spending time in the garage other than cleaning it has never been my thing. I have more interest in what is going on in the bedroom which is great when it happens.

Marko - I appreciate you telling me I am doing everything right. I like to offroad not tinker with my Jeep. Some people like to modify thier rigs - I like to drive mine. Most of my gear head friends Jeeps don't ever drive them cause their always in pieces. My mallcrawler friends with shiney Jeeps with lifts and other accessories don't offroad. Which are you? lol

bunny23 - Your right, if it were a bike instead of a Jeep it would be the same problem. Her ex-husbands problem was a Bike and the gym. See a pattern? Bored husbands maybe??? I think she questioned her life when she became pregnant SIX months after we got married. She was a dog person before... Not sure kids has ever been her cup of tea! You feeling the same way?? Explain please.

southern wife - my kids are 7 and 9 year old boys.

66impala - I would LOVE if my wife drug me to some artsy town, took me to the mall, or did ANYTHING outside of the home. I would just be happy to come home and have her say she doesn't want to cook and that we are going OUT for dinner. No luck for me there either..  

BrockLanders - she likes dog stuff. Walking them, going to dog shows, reading about them. That is about it.
Problem with dogs is she wants to take ours if we go out of town where ever we go which is not easy. I can count on ONE hand how many times we have gone out of town.

BrockLanders and Southern and EnjoliWoman -I have started the they need CHORES discussions with my wife. Started with an email with a link to this article. Age-Appropriate Chores for Children: Chore Ideas and Allowances

EnjoliWoman - Great advise thanks!! You said, "I think a sit-down telling her that you married to have a partner in life and you feel she really isn't interested in being a partner and you are worried about her lack of enjoyment in life. Encourage her to see a doctor to see if depression is an issue. Then ask her about clubs, classes, anything she ever thought might be cool/interesting and really encourage her to try some things. Otherwise you'll be resigned to living separate but married and that's sad."

chillymorn - Our interest was hanging out with our dog friends and drinking. Dog friends are gone cause we moved and had kids. She still wishes she was still on that bayou without me and our boys. Just her and her dog. She has said that before. :*( Perhaps she is bored of kids and me. Don't know how to fix it.

All, I appreciate your advice as ya'll have giving me some great advice!!! Keep it coming!!!!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> I might be off base here but I'll give my input any how.
> 
> when you guys first got together you were both drunks. Drunks often hook up with other drunks because its something you have in common. plus the booze doesn't let you make the wisest choices.
> 
> ...


"In love" isn't everything, you guys can get along because a household needs to be ran and if you don't have sex with each other your just going to do it with someone else, so you may as well not worry about outside disease, etc.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Maybe I"m the only one that thinks this way?

As a woman, who's stxh is\was a drinker, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I abhore the "guy drinking" talk.

Dyvk swinging. That's what I call it. I can stand about, oh, 20 minutes tops of it all.

I have ZERO interest in hanging out with guys drinking. Also, since I don't like the dude when he IS drinking, and all he ever used to suggest was "drinking" stuff, we didn't do stuff together. 

Road crawling is NOT fun for the passenger. You sit there and hang on while your insides get tossed from left to right. The drivers all share manly gestures and swig some beers. The spectators? The women that ARE there, are keepin' tabs on their man. Just my opinion. Yes, I've been to these things. His Jeep is red. 

Anyways, not drinking anymore (or less than before) causes a HUGE shift in "what to do" anymore. It's not her job to keep you entertained, or keep you entertained enough so you don't drink _too _much. (be honest about this). 

Yes, it would be nice if she joined you or suggested some activities. Does she still drink? How do you handle that?


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## MrClean (Apr 12, 2013)

Deepjov, my wife stopped drinking about 2 years ago because of the doctors orders because alcohol was triggering migraine headaches. I haven't had a drop in 19 months because drunk me was triggering them too. Lol

I am spontaneous and she is not. She holds me back! I have an interested in living life and doing fun things and she does not.

My hobby used to be drinking with neighbors and friends. Our old drinking buddies do everything revolved around alcohol. I am bored of them. We do still hang out with them but a lot less and we have noticed less invites.

Thank you for the perspective of Jeep Club wives.... lol... I did notice that the wives that do come are empty nesters and older. I am sure their husbands take them antique shopping and artsy town trips are payment for doing something they like doing. Tit for tat. Please remember that my wife never does anything.

I'm not looking for her to entertain me but for god sakes if she doesn't ever plan for anything for us and doesn't want to do anything I suggest then I'm going to find something to do without her.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

MrClean, YES I think you should find something to do without her. 

I do feel compassion for what you are going through. Similar situation in my house. Boredom \ losing friends \ not sure what to do anymore with free time. Old friends no longer fit. 

I will kindly gesture a few comments, not meant to offend 

Sometimes, the boredom \ anxiety \ underlying causes for drinking in excess are to numb whatever is burning in the background. This may apply to both you and your wife. 

-A lack of "purpose" in life-

It is good if you are willing and open to explore what you really do like to do. You should not let her hold you back. If anything, you should lead in this. 

Getting out and spending time trying different things will lead to what you are meant to do.

Maybe not comparable, but I spent 20+years just surviving. Going through the motions, using my energy to try and make others happy. 

I had NO idea what my purpose in life was, or if there was anything beyond just being entertained for a few hours and getting enough sleep for tomorrow's trudge.

It took me awhile, but instead of feeling bored, I now feel overwhelmed with options of things I want to do. Once I started actually being open to it, and trying things. I didn't want to do those things alone, but I found a great sense of accomplishment in it. I've made new friends, who are more like "me" today. It's great!! Hang in there. If you are willing to put yourself out there, just a little bit, you will find a new path.

Look at it as this is for YOU. It will benefit your wife and your kids.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

The people that I know that don't do anything outside of the home for fun are depressed.


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