# "He's Bored"



## beachdreamer (Aug 4, 2009)

My husband told me last week that he wants a separation because he is "bored". We have a daughter in college and a son that will be a junior in high school. The last couple of months, their father has been going into work really early (4:30am) and coming home sometimes as late as 1:00 am. I suspect that he is cheating, but of course he denies it. He has also started coming home drunk which totally disgusts me for many reasons. I don't know why he is being so selfish and just thinking about himself. My son injured his shoulder and will not be able to play football again which was devastating for him. My husband said nothing to him. If it doesn't involve him or ways that he can "have fun" he doesn't want any part of it. Quite honestly, he has never really been there for the kids other than to help with meeting the basic needs - housing, food, etc but I work full-time also. I feel like I'm rambling now, but I am so mad and am wondering when he unclogged his ear and his brain drained out. Seriously, now he doesn't talk to us...when he is home, he just sleeps. When his new friends call, he is very cheery, laughing and joking. I don't know. I'm starting to feel a bit crazy.


----------



## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Sounds like he's in midlife crisis mode. Let him know his behaviour is completely disrespectful to you and he can go live elsewhere for awhile until he straightens his teenage a$$ up. You DO NOT have to put up with that crap. He's bored. :scratchhead: I would help him pack his bag. Maybe tell him, "you know I was thinking the same thing about you. You've been boring me for years!!"


----------



## beachdreamer (Aug 4, 2009)

Thanks for your response. Your last sentence made me laugh!!:smthumbup: After 24 years of marriage, I was excited for "the next chapter" in a couple of years to do things together, spend winters in Florida, etc. Apparently, he would rather do it with someone else. I am worried about finances too. I have a degree, but always took odd jobs to fit around the schedules of our kids. Now, I don't feel like I am very marketable for a good paying job. It feels so odd to be in this situation....one minute I'm angry, the next minute I'm sad and helping my kids cope with all that is going on. I just don't get how someone can ditch their family for a little fun. I don't think I'll every understand that.


----------



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

beachdreamer,

I've also been 24 years married. See my post When Love Must Be Tough. My husband wants to have fun; is no longer in love; and not attracted to me. BLAME ME! Ha.

I've always told me kids, when they said "I am bored!" I'd say "boring people are bored." ha

I also modified my work/school schedule around my family life (big time). Yep. It hurt my marketable skills and career. I still wouldn't change it. Perhaps they will take care of me, when I get old!!

Do you want to save the marriage or are you out?


----------



## beachdreamer (Aug 4, 2009)

I'm not really at the point where I've made that decision yet. If I had to say today, it would probably be no...Looking back, he has been an absent father/husband for many years. The only time he spent time with the kids was when it was something he wanted to do and he considered it fun. I'm still pretty angry right now and feel that if I could make it financially, I (we) would be better off without him. That sounds mean, doesn't it?


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No, that sounds perfectly reasonable. You can get a temporary order requiring him to pay support so you can live comfortably. Start sharpening and updating your skills; look into something like Manpower for training and temp assignments. Also, check for programs for displaced homemakers or other such things--these are designed precisely for women in your situation. Universities, county extension offices, etc., might be good resources. Keep calling around until you find someone who can help. 

My husband thinks he is such a great dad, too, b/c he does fun stuff a few hours a week with the kids. He doesn't have any clue what sizes they wear, what vaccinations they have had/need, who their current doctor is, etc., etc. They never ask him for help b/c he'll say "no" or do such a half-assed job it will be a waste of time. I worry about them spending time alone with him when we separate, but I figure they have to learn to adapt to different people and might as well start with their dad.


----------



## beachdreamer (Aug 4, 2009)

I would love to go back to school and get my accounting degree (I have a finance degree) and become a CPA. I feel like I could do it, and I think school would be a welcome distraction from the stuff at home, but I just don't know how I would pay for it. I'm not sure if the online stuff is legit. I really want him to see that I can go on without him....my life doesn't end just because he is "bored". I would prefer that it wasn't this way, but like the old saying goes....when life hands you lemon, you make lemonade (or something like that . The kids and I will survive somehow.


----------

