# Life is good...



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

despite being up til 2:30 last night with a wide awake beautiful grandbaby...worth every minute of sleep I lost having her fall asleep in my arms, then I crawled into bed with my wife...

My wife has started moving stuff back home as we hopefully have found someone to take over her lease, now the hard part really starts as we make a committment to make things better every day, not just part time when we see each other...MC will continue...

Many of you weren't here when my story started in Oct. of 2010, she left because I chose beer over her...she had self-esteem issues...we were no longer healthy for each other, but very much in love...I despised her for leaving...she despised me because I kept drinking...

9 months later, still drinking, not seeing the newly born grandbaby because of my drinking...my sons kicked me (figuratively) black and blue and I finally sought help with my drinking...I can't say I have been totally clean since then, but I have been sober since last December...

About that same time I chose to turn my life around, I told my wife it was either 100% or nothing at all, she could no longer blame my drinking for our faults, she had to accept her part of the responsibility...she had been doing a yo-yo act, letting me get close, then pushing me away (my bad, I know it)...I told her there is no way she could truely trust that I wasn't drinking unless she spent more time with me...so finally, I told her she had a month to decide, 100% or nothing, and then I disappeared for that month...

End of that month (January), we started MC and have been on the path of growth since then...

Love has never been in doubt between us, neither has another man been involved or another woman for me...we were better parents than we were husband and wife...we just weren't healthy for each other...hopefully we can be now, we have been spending a lot of time together...

What have I learned in this past 2 years...I was not the man my wife deserved, and she was not the wife I deserved...as we moved closer to God, we have moved closer to each other...

I have learned that you cannot carry the burden of a marriage on your shoulders alone, if it is a burden to carry at all, it is a bound to fail...My wife is not the woman I married 27 years ago, and that is okay, I am not the man I was back then either...

I learned that if I did not give everything I had to make this work, I would never trust love again...I learned marriage and love do not naturally co-exist...

finally, I've learned that it is never to late for a 51 year old fart to start to mature...don't let pain and hurt confuse your decisions, you must move past that before you decide on your future...sort through any advise you get and get past the advisor's pain and hurt...

Praise God daily, prepare for the worst and give thanks when good things happen...


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I'm so happy for you. This is what happens when two people work on a marriage. Love always prevails.

I wish for more people on here to have the same happy ending..


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi DjF - 

Congrats and your sobriety and your reconciliation, and thanks so much for sharing your inspiring story -- that is awesome! 

My husband left me a few weeks after I returned from a rehab where I got sober again after a relapse (previously had 14 years in recovery). It really hurts that he loved me enough to marry me and stay with me through my relapse (which happened largely because I got complacent -- ironically -- due to being happy and content in my marriage), but not enough to stay by my side now that I am recommitted to my recovery. It hurts even more that he refuses to go to couples counselling. He admits suffering from depression, for which he has been seeing the SAME therapist at least monthly since beofre we met 7 years ago. He did not cheat on me and has always treated me very well. I was never abusive during my relapse, but basically checked out of the marriage by nightly drinking triggered by starting a stressful new job, and ripe to happen because of my mistake of drifting away from recovery. He sat on his anger and resentment for a long time, and now cannot seem to let go of his anger, fear and resentment -- which obviously makes it hard for him to open his heart to me and see if we can re-kindle the love that once bonded us so securely. 

So today marks 4 months since he moved out and just over 1.5 weeks since I have "gone dark" -- same ratinale as you, either he takes action to heal the marriage or we need to be done. Seeing him socially roughly once a week, and random phone and email contact at his whim was killing me, stressing me out, and keeping me stuck in the pain of hoping for reconciliation while he sat around doing nothing to make up his mind about our future.

I am sticking with no contact, and doing it for myself and my own sanity -- but still fantasize about him changing his mind and agreeing to MC. He is the love of my life, and I miss him like crazy. I am not hanging my hopeson him coming around, but stories like yours are very uplifting -- so again, thank you!

Cheers, A12


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

You grew so much during that time. You should be proud of yourself. Always the best to you and your wife.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

DjF, I am so happy for you and your wife. You are so committed to making your marriage work. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you both all the best.


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