# Is a larger man more appealing?



## lk2 (Apr 26, 2010)

I am recently divorced, and although the divorce is new, we had been separated since January. I'm still sorting myself out, and getting used to the fact that I'm single again. I'm still going through the cleansing process, and I know I am not ready for something serious. Yet part of me wants to start meeting new people, so that when the day comes I will be ready. It took me a long time to find my ex wife as well, and I'm not getting any younger. I would still like to have kids if I can, I'm 38.

My problems are that I have a hard time socializing with women in public, I'm just not good at making small talk, or asking someone out. My other problem is my size I think. I'm an adopted Korean, 5'6", weigh about 125 lbs, have a 29" waist. I can wear a boys size 18. I live in the mid west, where women that are even my height or smaller have about an 60% chance of weighing more than me. Whenever I see an online profile for what a woman wants, it's always someone about 6" taller than me. So do all women want their men 'larger' than they are? Don't get me wrong either, I could care less about physical numbers, but I point this out for the women out there reading this, would you date a guy my size if he had all the qualities you were looking for? That's what I really want to know, because if that's true it seriously limits my number of 'fish in the sea'. 

My ex wife was also a Korean adoptee, and I had dreams of having a 100% Korean child, that died with our marriage. Throughout my life, I have dated 5 Asian women, and 2 white women. I have another question, why is it you hear of white guys having an 'Asian' fetish, but you rarely see an Asian guy with a white women? Apparently, white women don't have 'Asian' fetishes? I seriously had one woman tell me that I spoke "good English", after I asked her out. I was thinking to myself, isn't it supposed to be I speak English well? The other thought I had was if this is what women think of me when I talk to them, I really don't stand much of a chance. I wasn't sad that she turned me down for a date, I was sad because it didn't bother me as much as it used to, because I've stopped caring.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

OK, playing devil's advocate for just a minute: if you can be a superficial snob (dreaming of a 100% Korean child), why can't others? If you can reject women simply b/c they out weigh you, shouldn't women be equally entitled to reject you b/c of your height?

Obviously, I do not mean that--two wrongs don't make a right. But examine your own attitudes first, b/c you clearly had a preference for "Korean" before. So, didn't that seriously limit your dating pool--by your own doing? 

As for the "larger" man--depends on the woman. When I was younger and stupider (is that a word? ;0), I saw myself as big and fat and felt too self-conscious with guys who weren't considerably larger than myself. That is not an issue any more! 

If you appear too youthful, that may be a bigger issue than your actual height--so think about what you can do to present yourself as mature (I don't know if this is an issue, but since I have Asian relatives, I am just guessing it might be). Some facial hair might help, for example. 

Most of all, try not to obsess about that, b/c your attitude is 100% more important than your height. If you come across as self-confident and interesting, a woman is much less likely to notice your height. And start now working on the attitude that if a woman rejects you b/c of size, it is totally her problem and you are blessed by not having to waste your time on someone who is so superficial.


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## lk2 (Apr 26, 2010)

I don't have a preference in race, it just happened that I ended up with a Korean adoptee, and we both thought that it would be great to have a child. I really don't care, and it's not that I didn't try to ask out white women, it's just they all turn me down. It's funny too, because one of my friends that I asked out, but was denied is married now. She helped me a lot throughout my divorce, just was encouraging. She told me though, she couldn't believe that I cook, clean, do dishes, laundry, clean litter box's, and paint toenails. :c) She said she was sick for a week, and her husband said that he ran out of underwear, but told her he could "make it" until she felt better.

So I thought maybe it was something else, and I guess it could be my appearance, but isn't youthful good? I had to laugh about facial hair, the only way I could get a full beard is if I used a sharpie, I just have no body hair. I'm probably one of the only guys that can wear 'the patch' on his legs. I do have some gray hairs, will that help? My dental hygienist said I looked no older than 30 though...


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

I think if you have an open mind about a woman's height and weight, they will, too. You probably weigh less than an average woman, so keep that in mind. 

When I met my husband, he was (still is) over a foot taller than me, and yet I weighed more. When I finally figured out how to lose weight, weighing less than him was a HUGE milestone! 

Now, we still don't look like 2 skinny people... We look like a tall, skinny guy with an average-to-chubby woman. However, we don't care! If we did, we would have stopped dating sometime in the mid-90s.  Our issues go much deeper than looks. ;-P


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

For what it's worth, I'm white and have an asian husband. We were friends first. It was never difficult for me to find a boyfriend and I had plenty of male admirers, but I picked him.

I think there are more important traits than height. And frankly, the hairless thing is in right now for guys. (nothing wrong with hair either, though)

What about consulting a nutritionist to help you put on some weight? Or join a gym and bulk up a little. You are fine the way you are, I'm sure, but maybe doing something like that would help boost your confidence. Confidence is sexy.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Hmmm...I am one of those to whom looks don't matter. I always based my dating choices on personality and intelligence rather than looks. I will admit that all the men I've dated have been taller than me. That, however, I think has more to do with the fact that I myself am rather short and so it's not that hard to find someone taller than me. In terms of weight, my boyfriend is larger and heavier than me, but that neither attracted nor deterred me. I love him for his wonderful personality, his intelligence, his work ethic, his family commitment. I find him sexy and attractive physically, but part of that comes from those other traits that I am attracted to. One of the other things that draws me is his confidence. He knows he has great qualities that make him a great catch and that makes him attractive. 

Based on what you say here, I think part of your problem is your social skills. Work on your confidence in making small talk and asking women out, and that will translate to more dates. A good way to start is to maybe try an online dating site (that's how I met my boyfriend). Try *******.com (where I met him) or plentyoffish.com, both of which have an instant messaging feature which allow you to chat online in real time. It's not the spoken word, but the relative anonymity of it may help you be more comfortable, and you can work up to phone or in person chats that will help you build your confidence. 

Also, don't worry so much about your height/size. Personally, if I sense a man is super worried about how he looks or what I might think of how he looks, I tend to find it a turn off, which would lead me to turn down a date. The woman you want will be attracted to you, regardless of your appearance. She won't, however, be attracted to insecurity or lack of confidence.


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## strawberry (Jun 21, 2010)

i for one likes bigger/taller and hairy man. (like my hub) my eyes just go right to those kind of guys. its all just preferences. buffing up with def. attract more female attention (for short or tall men).


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Yeah, I think you might want to buff up some. I like shoulders. I don't suppose it matters if broad shoulders are on a short or tall man, but a little boy doesn't have shoulder. So I don't want to feel like I'm dating a little boy. If you look like a child, then I think your possibilities will be reduced unless you make yourself look more manly.


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## nikon (Nov 9, 2009)

I guess women, as a weaker gender, go for taller and stronger because we subconsciously always look for protection - apparently it is in our genes. A woman will always look for a male that could protect her family and give her the feeling of safety. I must admit I've never dated guys shorter than me (I'm 5'5'') and don't intent to. I simply find tall guys sexier and more attractive. However, I don't particularly go for the hairy types, I actually like men to look young (but not like kids). So, to answer your question... yes, I think size matters... Like all men look for women they find sexually attractive, women look for men who are taller and stronger than them (most of the time). 

To answer your asian/white question... I think white men date asians because Asian women are generally very attractive, often have beautiful skin, are small, fragile and skinny... and have that exotic thing about them... Men like exotic things. Women, on the other hand might not be too happy with short, non-hairy asian men who look 15. I wouldn't mind dating an asian guy who looked 15 if he was mature, but he would need to be at least my height


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## maefair (Sep 22, 2010)

i actually find asian men to be MORE attractive and probably wouldn't mind them being shorter than me or weighing less if the confidence was there. confidence and attitude is always attractive.


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