# Do all married women feel this way?



## tj71 (Jul 20, 2010)

Now be honest. Do all married women feel like it's nice to get validation from another man, other than their husband, that they are attractive? I guess maybe if I am honest I might feel the same. So if it's true, why does it make me upset?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Guy here - sorry.

Your "bad feeling" is a warning sign - somewhere you know that this could actually have long-term negative consequences. 

Validation / attention gives you a buzz - and like a drug the buzz makes you want more - you keep going back - and next thing you know its an EA.

My wife has sought validation to a fault. I don't know if she's had any physical affairs, but seeking "validation" has led to a revolving door of Emotional Affairs or something crazy. She might even be addicted to validation. 

I don't really know because she doesn't live with me and hates to answer my questions honestly.

Be careful.


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## Devastated1 (Dec 7, 2009)

By validation, do you mean a compliment? If so, then no. I want to receive compliments from my husband and him alone. However, because I don't get them from him, ever. It makes me feel good when another man pays me a compliment. But that doesn't happen very often either. 

Not sure if this helps.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Chick here! 

I don't mind knowing that some other male human being thinks I'm attractive because at times I think my Dear Hubby *has* to like me! We're married! LOL :lol: However, I think the difference is that I have never felt absolutely STUNNING to someone like I do with him (apparently he really sees something he likes  ) and I don't ever, EVER, *EVER *go out of my way to track down someone else, flirt with them, etc. just to dig for external validation. I mean, if I'm just walking and someone randomly says, "WOW you're hair is amazing" I admit...I smile the rest of the day! But I was just walking, ya know?

So does that make sense? Don't you like it if you are not in any way looking for it and someone makes a comment like, "Hey man, cool shirt" "Nice shades" or some little compliment?


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## tj71 (Jul 20, 2010)

Yeah I so admit when I get a compliment from a woman it does feel good.

What I don't get is that I tell my wife she is beautiful or hot every day several times and she still ended up in an EA with a friend of ours. She even admitted that there was nothing in our relationship that was missing.

But she talks with her friends and they all say that it is natural to seek validation, of some kind even just a compliment or look, from an outside source.

So is this right? I look at myself and do admit that is is pretty thrilling to have another woman check me out, but I haven't ended up in an EA like she has twice.

Let me clarify what I am defining as "seeking". She still knows and understands that those feelings should not be acted upon but the mere "receiving" the other validation is what she is talking about.


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## Willow (Jun 17, 2010)

Girl here. 
Nope. Not at all motivated / concerned about being checked out. Would probably be completely unaware of it happening (my friends tell me I have always been this clueless).

But if your dog does the 'your my new best friend' thing with me I'll be absurdly flattered. And smile about it for days.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Ahh Willow. Thank god I am not the only one that is completely unaware of someone complimenting me or checking me out LMAO. I usually don't even know that is what they are doing. Some guy was complimenting a birthday party I threw and I ended up explaining to him why instead of enjoying the compliment LMAO.

I see it as a personality thing. Some people really enjoy it, some people don't realize its happening and some go out looking for it.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I can't see who wouldn't want to feel pretty/studly? My wife got hit on at Walmart and the beach in the last month. I always tell her let's go to a bar/club and act like we don't know each other and lets see how many times you get picked up on. I bet it would be quite a few.

In the end all that really matters is your spouse. Any woman can go out at night and get some "meat" and I promise that guy will tell you "You are so pretty too", so don't believe everything you hear.

Good luck on feeling pretty!!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Well, I'm not married yet, but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents anyway. 

I don't really need to be complimented/validated by other men. If I am complimented, I find it flattering, but it's not something I would ever seek out or make a big deal about. I would tell my boyfriend only to avoid having him think I tried to hide it or that it mattered more to me than it really did. 

As long as I know he loves me, wants me, and is happy with me, that's good enough for me. Other men don't matter.


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

Yes. It feels good to know that I am still hot. My husband tells me everyday how beautiful I am. However, there is nothing like still being desired by a 20yr old when you are over 30. Ya know? I would never flirt back or even talk to anyone that was checking me out. It just reassures me and makes me feel secure in my appearance.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi there, 
I think we all like to think others would be attracted to us but the difference is that we really only care about what our spouses think. 
I know when things are not good between my husband and someone compliments me I think I wish my husband would have said that.....
I'm one of these people that does seem to attract men where ever I go, they seem to think they can say what they want even though I wear a wedding band. It kind of makes me angry that they don't respect that........
My radar goes up that it's wrong and for me it just doesn't feel right.........
I have had plenty of opportunity to have ONS or affairs I just keep my boundaries in place at all times.....
Something I chose to do even though I guess I get some kind of zing out of it, I wouldn't be human I guess.....


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## ldbg102 (Oct 15, 2010)

I find it funny, but on days that I'm feeling a little less attractive or my husband is acting like an ayis, I think to myself "If he only knew how many guys would be willing to take his place." 

I've had guys hit on me while I was 8 months pregnant with a ring on and asking me "Are you HAPPY though?" LOL!!! Are you serious!?!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Not only women but also men seek validation if I'm not wrong.
However, a validation from the opposite sex is an over-rated attraction because most of times we all know people're just saying the words. We don't really need validation from someone we don't even click. Validation doesn't lead to emotional affairs without the connections. Basically I didn't get many compliments from my EA, but what are unforgettable are the chemistry, the clicks, the eye contacts, the heart beats and the smiles on his face.


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## Dontknowhow2love (Aug 13, 2010)

I don't need any man to validate my attractiveness. Maybe because I am pushing 40 and after 2 divorces before my current husband I learned to do me. I am at the point in my life where it's about what makes me happy I don't care what other people (including men)think of me. When guys flirt with me I really don't pay much mind to it I just normally shrug it off.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Dealing with my wifes EA turned PA and recently read a ebook womens infidelity it seemed very on target I think everyone should get a copy at the altar. Basically saying all women go through this its not talked about.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i guess i am just use to it nobody makes me feel like my husband but i have been hit on by guys since i was thirteen and a few women in my twentys preggers or not and i guess like trixe tang ive grown to accept and expect it doesnt bother me and my h thinks its a riot sorry if that makes me vain:-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostthere (Oct 31, 2010)

No I don't need to feel validated by any man but my husband. I like to look good for him and myself. We have been together for 10 yrs and I still feel that way. If someone else gives me a compliment, a man or woman I thank them, but it is only a compliment not something I would use to boost my ego.
Strangely I know my husband gets a kick out of me being noticed by other men its almost like he thinks they are giving him a compliment! but I suspect that he feels one hundred percent secure in our marriage as he should. I have no male friends, I dont flirt with other men, I dont do anything that would make my husband feel insecure, and if came to me and said something I was doing was making him, uncomfortable I would stop it at once.


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

So what's the bok?


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## blueyes (Mar 25, 2010)

I think it makes anyone feel good about themselves(male or female) to get complimented or checked out.

I am 40 + and get hit on probably 5 times a week, and I've been married 21 yrs. I am told, just yesterday again that there is something about me that attracts men to me. I have no idea what it is. I am attractive, but not a super model, but was told I smile alot and have a nice personality. Just as long as you take it as a compliment and nothing further everything should be fine. And yes it does make you feel good inside.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Once, when I was stopped at a stoplight, A 40ish woman and her teen daughter pulled alongside. I saw a bit of a commotion going on in their car, and finally, the daughter rolled down her window and proceeded to say to me (with mom desperately trying to stop her!):
"My mom thimks your cute!" Mom hid her face in her hands-SO BUSTED!
I just smiled and replied "Thanks, and my beautiful wife and daughter think so too!"


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