# Identifying Potential Cheaters - Possible or Impossible?



## Shift (Jan 22, 2013)

Going through a lot of threads, I've noticed similar phrases from BS's such as "I never expected he/she would do that" or "I ignored red flags." My question is simple. I feel the answer isn't however. What are some traits or even actions you could look for to identify a POTENTIAL cheater? Is this even possible? It seems at the end of the day, it boils down to just hoping you picked someone that can reinforce strong boundaries.

Thanks in advance!


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## Shift (Jan 22, 2013)

Whoops... I just realized I posted this in the wrong spot. Can an admin please move this to general relationship discussions?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

To answer your question, I think that it is rather hit or miss. In order to catch the red flags, you'd need your potential mate to be honest with you. By definition, cheaters are not honest. So in a lot of cases, you won't know till it hits you between the eyes. That was certainly my experience.

If they're careless or not a good liar, there will be red flags you will see. Then it's a case of whether you choose to ignore them or not.


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## Shift (Jan 22, 2013)

Well what are some of these red flags you would advise to look out for?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

keeping cell phone, tablet, email, laptop etc away from your view
refusing to share passwords for such things
not allowing you to know their financial details
time unaccounted for
money unaccounted for
sudden attention to their appearance
lingerie you never saw her wear
marked increase OR decrease in sexual relations with spouse
bringing new 'tricks' to the bedroom without explanation
having to 'work late'
being 'distant'
talking a lot about a MOTOS (member of the opposite sex)
suddenly NOT talking about a MOTOS
hanging out with friends who are not friends of the marriage


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Some who is irresponsible, acts entitled, is narcissistic, has little or no ability to delay gratification (even when doing so will reap larger rewards), is dismissive of other's feelings, fails to take responsibility for their actions, makes excuses for or justifies any bad behaviors, has poor boundaries with friends or family (i.e., can't say "no"), flirts inappropriately even in your presence, has very low self-esteem (and may be swayed by attention or compliments), etc., is probably a high risk person for cheating.


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## Shift (Jan 22, 2013)

Hmmmm good list. Wish this was bullet proof.


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

Let's you see their phone only they have deleted certain texts.


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

I truly believe everyone could be a potential cheater, given the right opportunity / person.

Yes one might think they could be the exception... but when they meet the hot smoking person of their dreams who makes them wet...all bets are off.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Narcissism, lack of empathy, inability to listen to a conversation and NOT interject how fabulous they are (lack of validation), lack of humility, and frequent lack of responsibility are my red flags. They might not automatically be characteristics of a cheater, but they immediately clue me in to the kind of person I'd wish to avoid. The opposite of these traits is a sign of maturity in my eyes.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

For women. 
Early early signs:
Daddy issues.
Insists on going on dates with others when inside an exclusive relationship. Note a male and female alone together for an extended period of time when not business related is called a date.
Self esteem and insecurity.

Above are the early precursors. The list hope1964 gave is good for signs they are currently up to no good.

The phone thing is #1 IMHO
#2 would be missing time that is unaccounted for or the explanation makes no sense.
#3 is shift in behavior.

The one thing to understand is NEVER ask without dead proof.
If they are innocent you damage the relationship.
If they are guilty they will go underground and make finding things harder.

A few red flags, just look around and keep your eyes open. Generally if you look around quietly and they are guilty 2 red flags will suddenly become 6 red flags in short order.
A lot of red flags go into full 007 mode.


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