# Husband debt on credit cards



## CAE2308

Hi, 

i have been married to my husband for ten years, no kids, equal incomes, and we split all costs and bills 50/50 and separate bank accounts. But he cant stop spending on his credit cards and is always in debt, before i met him he was declared bankrupt and had to sell his home. I know that everyone makes mistakes in life, so when he told me this when we first met i accepted it as in the past and thought he has learnt his lesson.

So further down the line in our marriage i was surprised to find out he had run up 20K in credit cards and no idea what he spent it all on. We don't have fancy holidays or a big house, and i support myself financially as i have a good job, and i don't sponge off him at all. He also works full time.

i was surprised and hurt that he did this again and one of the cards was a online clothing shopping site that was in my name that i gave him the log in details for and he spent 3K on various non descript clothes. 

So i had to extend the mortgage on our house (which is in my name) to clear some of these cards and online shopping accounts and said to him please don't use cards any more as there is no reason for him to be in debt, he has enough income to cover bills, fuel, his car and his share of the mortgage. 

But he is still spending and has nothing to show for it. I don't want to live my life with someone who constantly spends on cards and has no savings at all that he can fall back on. You would think that his bankruptcy back in his early 30s would of scared him into never using cards again, but it hasn't. He has debts now again of about 3K and i just dont know what on when i ask him he says he doesn't know.

then he got a early inheritance from his grandad of 25K and frittered that all away as well.

i feel betrayed as i just don't think he will ever stop using credit cards. And i don't want to be with someone who is so irresponsible with money, he doesn't even pay for our holidays or meals out (we split that all 50/50). And we have not had a holiday of any significance for years so its not as if we spend on luxury things.

Any advice on what to do about this.


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## jonty30

I suggest separating your finances to protect yourself. He needs to hit his bottom before he will change.


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## BigDaddyNY

CAE2308 said:


> Hi,
> 
> i have been married to my husband for ten years, no kids, equal incomes, and we split all costs and bills 50/50 and separate bank accounts. But he cant stop spending on his credit cards and is always in debt, before i met him he was declared bankrupt and had to sell his home. I know that everyone makes mistakes in life, so when he told me this when we first met i accepted it as in the past and thought he has learnt his lesson.
> 
> So further down the line in our marriage i was surprised to find out he had run up 20K in credit cards and no idea what he spent it all on. We don't have fancy holidays or a big house, and i support myself financially as i have a good job, and i don't sponge off him at all. He also works full time.
> 
> i was surprised and hurt that he did this again and one of the cards was a online clothing shopping site that was in my name that i gave him the log in details for and he spent 3K on various non descript clothes.
> 
> So i had to extend the mortgage on our house (which is in my name) to clear some of these cards and online shopping accounts and said to him please don't use cards any more as there is no reason for him to be in debt, he has enough income to cover bills, fuel, his car and his share of the mortgage.
> 
> But he is still spending and has nothing to show for it. I don't want to live my life with someone who constantly spends on cards and has no savings at all that he can fall back on. You would think that his bankruptcy back in his early 30s would of scared him into never using cards again, but it hasn't. He has debts now again of about 3K and i just dont know what on when i ask him he says he doesn't know.
> 
> then he got a early inheritance from his grandad of 25K and frittered that all away as well.
> 
> i feel betrayed as i just don't think he will ever stop using credit cards. And i don't want to be with someone who is so irresponsible with money, he doesn't even pay for our holidays or meals out (we split that all 50/50). And we have not had a holiday of any significance for years so its not as if we spend on luxury things.
> 
> Any advice on what to do about this.


It doesn't sounds like he is ever going to change on his own. At the very least do what you can to separate all finances so you are liable for any of his spending. Then see if he is willing to no longer use any credit cards, only debit from an account. If he isn't willing to take some very concrete and even drastic measure to get the spending under control it is probably best to divorce unless you are okay dealing with this for the rest of your life.


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## Trident

CAE2308 said:


> He has debts now again of about 3K and i just dont know what on when i ask him he says he doesn't know.


Why not check his credit card statements? It IS your business especially since you've bailed him out at least once.


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## Diana7

Find out what he is spending all this money on. It's rediculous he is saying he doesn't know, if course he knows.
Unfortunately people who are bad with money will rarely change. 

I am usually all for having joint accounts in marriage but when one spouse is wasting large amounts of money on goodness know what, you need to make sure you don't end up responsible for his debts. 

I find it odd that you seem to know so little about his purchases. I mean does he gets lots of deliveries? Does he buy stuff for hobbies? Eat out a lot? Drink a lot? Gamble? 
It's a lot if money to get through with little to show for it.


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## Andy1001

It’s lucky that your house is in your name only, you would be at risk of losing it if he gets into a lot of debt. 
You need to figure out what he’s spending his money on and my guess would be gambling either in bookmakers or online. If you feel it’s worth it you could try and limit his spending, cancel his credit cards and have him use a debit card which means he can only spend what’s in his account. But reading between the lines I think you’ve reached the end of the road with him and nobody could blame you.


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## Trident

Andy1001 said:


> It’s lucky that your house is in your name only, you would be at risk of losing it if he gets into a lot of debt.


It's my understanding that since they're married, they're both legally responsible for one another's debt. A creditor could put potentially a lien on the home even though it's in her name only.


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## She'sStillGotIt

I see how paying 50/50 for everything and having separate bank accounts means NOTHING when you're married to a fool who doesn't know how to control his spending, and YOU end up having to pay for his debts *anyway*.

Might as well pool your money like real married people because his idiot debt is a debt of the marriage.

If you bought this house while married, then it's an asset of the marriage and while it's *your *ass flapping in the wind on the mortgage, I'm assuming he's listed on the deed. May I also assume the mortgage is in your name only because his credit sucks is so bad that it would have resulted in a much higher interest rate - or no mortgage at all? That's the only reason I can think of as to why his name isn't on it.

*



...then he got a early inheritance from his grandad of 25K and frittered that all away as well.

Click to expand...

*What a selfish fool. I'd be seeing a lawyer at this point before he drags you so far down the rabbit hole that you'll never climb out of it. I can't even begin to think what may be so endearing about him that you'd continually bail his sorry ass out over and over and over and over and over.


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## Beach123

He won’t change. And if you don’t like it - you should end the union knowing he’s irresponsible and not trustworthy with money.


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## Andy1001

Trident said:


> It's my understanding that since they're married, they're both legally responsible for one another's debt. A creditor could put potentially a lien on the home even though it's in her name only.


That would be true if the op lived in the states but she doesn’t. The UK has some pretty stringent rules when it comes to this sort of thing. 
However if the husband gets a loan and puts his wife’s name on the application she could be liable to pay it off if he defaults.


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## happyhusband0005

Andy1001 said:


> It’s lucky that your house is in your name only, you would be at risk of losing it if he gets into a lot of debt.
> You need to figure out what he’s spending his money on and my guess would be gambling either in bookmakers or online. If you feel it’s worth it you could try and limit his spending, cancel his credit cards and have him use a debit card which means he can only spend what’s in his account. But reading between the lines I think you’ve reached the end of the road with him and nobody could blame you.


I believe since he is paying part of the mortgage creditors will go after the house even though it's in her name. They will argue he was paying money towards that when he should have been paying his debts. I'm not a lawyer but I think this is what will happen and I think they will get to the house. OP you should discuss this with counsel. Your husband obviously didn't learn from his past mistakes and is heading down the same path. I think @Andy1001 may be onto something with the gambling thought, definitely worth checking out.


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## Al_Bundy

She'sStillGotIt said:


> What a selfish fool. I'd be seeing a lawyer at this point before he drags you so far down the rabbit hole that you'll never climb out of it. I


1000% He's not going to suddenly become Dave ****ing Ramsey, if anything he'll get worse. He's an anchor, anchors can only do one thing, drag you down to the bottom.


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## Anastasia6

Get divorced. You can still live together and be together but being married makes his debt your debt. The long you wait the worse it will be.


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## olivia33

I suggest separating your finances to protect yourself. no one know what will happen in the futures ,


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## MattMatt

@CAE2308 Welcome to TAM. As a first step I'd contact the UK Debt Advice Service Debt advice | Free debt advice | National Debtline | National Debtline and ask them for advice on how to protect yourself.

There's also this service Free Debt Advice. Get Help With Debt Today. StepChange

and this one, also You are being redirected...

Your husband should cut up his credit card and close the account. If he won't, then you'll need to protect yourself from his activities.


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## CAE2308

Trident said:


> Why not check his credit card statements? It IS your business especially since you've bailed him out at least once.


hi there, i cant as all his statements are online these days. But i do ask him for a monthly update on who much he has on his cards, maybe i should ask him to print off his statement to show me.


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## CAE2308

jonty30 said:


> I suggest separating your finances to protect yourself. He needs to hit his bottom before he will change.


Hi, our finances are separate, we don't have anything in joint names.


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## CAE2308

Diana7 said:


> Find out what he is spending all this money on. It's rediculous he is saying he doesn't know, if course he knows.
> Unfortunately people who are bad with money will rarely change.
> 
> I am usually all for having joint accounts in marriage but when one spouse is wasting large amounts of money on goodness know what, you need to make sure you don't end up responsible for his debts.
> 
> I find it odd that you seem to know so little about his purchases. I mean does he gets lots of deliveries? Does he buy stuff for hobbies? Eat out a lot? Drink a lot? Gamble?
> It's a lot if money to get through with little to show for it.


Hi, thanks for your advice, yep he says he cant remember! he doesnt gamble, does not go out, does not have expensive hobbies, i agree i dont think he will ever change. I dont know about his purchases as i think it was on every day things, like petrol, food shopping, t-shirts, cinema tickets etc etc and it all mounds up, but unless i ask him for the statements, all he says is he cant remember, and it has been over about 4 years. He doesnt get lots of deliveries either. And yes its a LOT of money to get through with nothing to show for it. I wouldnt mind so much if i could see the results. 

i feel like i should tell his parents, as the shock of them knowing he has done this again might snap him out of it, or i threaten him with leaving :-(.


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## CAE2308

jonty30 said:


> I suggest separating your finances to protect yourself. He needs to hit his bottom before he will change.


hi there, i thought i replied but cant see the reply! luckily our finances are separate.


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## CAE2308

Trident said:


> Why not check his credit card statements? It IS your business especially since you've bailed him out at least once.


they are all online, they dont come in the post, but i think i should ask him for his log in details


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## CAE2308

MattMatt said:


> @CAE2308 Welcome to TAM. As a first step I'd contact the UK Debt Advice Service Debt advice | Free debt advice | National Debtline | National Debtline and ask them for advice on how to protect yourself.
> 
> There's also this service Free Debt Advice. Get Help With Debt Today. StepChange
> 
> and this one, also You are being redirected...
> 
> Your husband should cut up his credit card and close the account. If he won't, then you'll need to protect yourself from his activities.


thank you so much for your reply, these are really useful links which i will look at in more detail today, i have asked him to cut up his cards and he did but still has online accounts. I even found a statement that came in the post the other day for Paypal credit account, and yes i opened up the letter while he was out so he doesn't know i have seen it.


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## MattMatt

@CAE2308 There's an old fashioned word to describe people like your husband. It's spendthrift. 
_: a person who spends improvidently or wastefully_

It is possible your husband has psychological issues that require counselling to help him address his issues.

My late father was the same, sadly, thank God he never had credit cards.


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## In Absentia

CAE2308 said:


> he doesnt gamble, does not go out, does not have expensive hobbies


Are you sure he doesn't gamble? I think he is or maybe he is using his cards on porn online... if he does not go out, hasn't got any expensive hobbies, then he is doing something dodgy with it. I might be wrong...


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## Trident

Of course you should be looking at his statements! Why is these even a question?!

At the next convenient moment say “let’s figure out where that money is going, show me your statements”. Yes it’s really that simple.


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## Al_Bundy

Could be online gaming too. It really doesn't matter what he's spending it on, it's the fact it's hurting your financial future. Killing it to be exact. 

It'd be hurtful enough if he was doing something that was destructive to just him, but with this he's taking you down also.


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## Beach123

There just a different feeling of betrayal when a partner spends to the point of worry…and no change in sight.
The basic need of feeling safe and protected is gone. The resentment it creates that the person who is supposed to be protecting you at all costs is gone.
Basically all trust is gone. All love is gone because it feels like a constant stream of worry and betrayal.

If you don’t wish to feel this way any further - then divorce him. Any person who consistently spends more than they make is irresponsible and lacks self control.


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## Beach123

CAE2308 said:


> they are all online, they dont come in the post, but i think i should ask him for his log in details


Well sure! It may solve some questions you have had - but it certainly doesn’t stop him from doing it again and again.


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## PopiOpo

If you need a financial help you better call someone who is really good in all that financial stuff


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## CAE2308

PopiOpo said:


> If you need a financial help you better call someone who is really good in all that financial stuff


Hi. I don’t need the help. It’s him. Who do I call?


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