# reconciliation



## djs1982 (Nov 29, 2015)

I have never posted anything before as I am a pretty private person but I am looking for input. Thanks in advance. 

I found out the day after my 5th wedding anniversary my wife had an affair with a woman. It was discovered through Icloud on her ipad. I have been separated for almost 6 months now living apart. At first I went through I think every emotion possible. I have only been on a handful of dates since then but all I ever think about is my wife. 

The past 4-6 weeks we have been on very good terms. M dilema is that she is all I ever think about and honestly she is the only woman I want to spend my life with. Ever since the affair she has blocked off all emotion for anyone. Like I said the past month and a bit we have shared meals with our 2 children multiple times and done day trips together. I compliment her when I see her and also send her little messages through text but sh ignores them an changes the subject. She never wants to have a serious talk but does mention reconciliation from time to time. We do have a bit of physical contact. I hug her every time she leaves but I have to initiate it. 

I asked he to commit herself to me but she won't gi me that. We text multiple times daily and she always tells me what she's doing and I honestly don't think she is seeing anyone. I guess what I am asking is if she wants to reconcile slowly why can't she commit herself to me?

I is currently working full time days a attending teachers college on the weekends so I know she is extremely busy. We spend at least 3 nights a week together with the kids as well. I also have a lot of trust issues since this took place so I'm not sure if it's all in my head. 

Any thoughts would be great.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Why do you want to commit to a woman who is not willing to commit to you?

That tells me you value her more than you value yourself.

Are you able to get into counseling?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

djs1982 said:


> I have never posted anything before as I am a pretty private person but I am looking for input. Thanks in advance.
> 
> I found out the day after my 5th wedding anniversary my wife had an affair with a woman. It was discovered through Icloud on her ipad. I have been separated for almost 6 months now living apart. At first I went through I think every emotion possible. I have only been on a handful of dates since then but all I ever think about is my wife.
> 
> ...


She hasn't let go of her affair partner emotionally yet from the sounds of it.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Reconciliation takes two 1982. She is fence sitting because she doesn't want you right now. She is cake eating when she strings you along with the "family time". You should not push her with the messages. She cheated on you. If she was remorseful and wanted to reconcile, she would be jumping through hoops to get you back and in your case it's the other way around. 

I am sorry, but you are not even plan b right now. She is not even stringing you along; you are doing that on your own. Let her go. She must be very confused. Maybe she is a closet lesbian. You need a woman that loves you above all others. Be a great father to your children and treat her with the respect the mother of your children deserve. Get therapy to help you move on. You are stuck and want what you had and werehappy with. You can't have that anymore. You were cheated on and that will not be erased ever.

Please seek help and stop trying to find love in a woman that can't give it to you. I know it sucks, but you are wasting your time and effort with your WS.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

You are in limbo and it sucks. I know how that feels to be the only one working on a marriage. 
Let her go. I'm having to deal with that as well. It hurts. 

I'm trying to focus on my sons. You should do the same. Cut off all contact other than talk about your kids.

You can't make her love you. It doesn't work. Don't beg or plead and do not buy her anything. 

If you have to fake it fake that you have moved on.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Perhaps you are an eventual Plan B for her? Is that what you really want? Sure, there are R's that are like that but it's a tough way to live. What you should be doing is limiting contact and trying to make your life work -- for you and not for her -- instead of waiting around for her to maybe decide someday to choose you.


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