# Do you sometimes have sex just because you should?



## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

We’ve been together for 10 years and have joint custody of my wife’s two (now) teenage kids (14 and 16). We have split custody, so they’re here every other week and they’re good kids, but their rooms are right across the hall. They stay up late and and because my wife and I can be pretty noisy when making love, we almost never do it when they’re here. Throw in her erratic periods (she’s 50) and time between sex can get a little long. As a result, there are nights when we feel like we should make love because the situation is right (kids gone, no period, no other barriers), but one or both of us is exhausted, stressed, or for whatever reason not feeling it. We sometimes push through and make it happen anyway, but sometimes it doesn’t work to force it and just results in disappointment. 

Does this happen to anyone else? Should we not try to force it if we’re not in the mood and just wait for it to happen naturally? Sometimes it creates more frustration and stress then it’s worth if it doesn’t happen.

Thanks in advance.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Get creative. They're 14 and 16, send them to the movies for a few hours. Go out for a drive and have sex in the car. 
You shouldn't have sex if one or the other doesn't want to, so make sure there's a way when you do.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

first it is important for all it is ok if they know you have a loving relationship ,but yes you don't want to be ringing the church bells every time and shaking the walls of the house , there is many questions is this one and I don't know if I can give them all a response

yes kids at that age do know exactly what is going on in the same way they know a mummy and daddy are not in love and only staying together for other reasons ,

having sex when you don't want this is your question , is it you that some times is not ready or your wife , I think at times that can happen but i never feel bad or used 
GOOD CULMINATION is very important between you and your wife at 50 could be at an important time in her life but as said above plan times ahead the main thing is letting the other person know at all times of the day they are loved and not let that become just a part of foreplay , once it becomes just a part of foreplay it sounds like it is not true and your saying it to get to the next point and once your finished turning and falling asleep every time is not a good idea


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Does “it doesn’t happen” mean you don’t orgasm?

If your answer is yes I think you may need to examine your approach to sex. Spending mutual sexual time with my wife doesn’t operate on the success metric of an orgasm. While it is nice the real deal is that mutual bonding connection. If the bed doesn’t work it’s always really easy to take a shower together and rub one out of each other if that is what you need. Careful not to fall in the shower!!!!!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You say they are away every other week so you have 7 days. If you are both too tired one day then go for the next day. It's not like it's just one night they aren't there.


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## Chippy (Jun 26, 2021)

I say go for it! I have the same situation in my 4 yr marriage. Step daughter with us 50% of the time. I pay attention to when is a good time, my husband on the other hand lets weeks go by without initiating. I have started marking our mutual Google calendar for days we should be looking to have sex. It has helped and lately we have been having it more than we have in a long time. Once in a while it gets postponed, but rescheduled before weeks on end go by.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Tommy518 said:


> Does this happen to anyone else? Should we not try to force it if we’re not in the mood and just wait for it to happen naturally? Sometimes it creates more frustration and stress then it’s worth if it doesn’t happen.


In my opinion THIS is perhaps one of the most important sexual exercises in a long term relationship extending over a decade. Sexual tendencies and desires tend to evolve and a couple has to self-explore themselves as a couple. Ultimately a couple has to learn and practice how to fail at having sex in order to explore and learn about their bodies as one ages. It is almost like a workshop on how to handle your ego when something is not working. What is the purpose of making love? Is it just an orgasm for everyone or are there other purposes? This process will likely reveal new possibilities that one never knew was possible and likely lend itself to new trends for your future lovemaking. 

My wife and I went through a period where we had to schedule our intimacy. Often we would both arrive at that moment when neither of us were in the mood. But we were humble and developed the skills to make it happen. It is easy to do things when it happens naturally, but to me it is perhaps more meaningful for you to know your partner well enough to work as a team to create sparks from nothing. 

Perhaps the biggest skill I got out of that is better communication of learning how to not force things, relaxing and refocusing efforts based on how each of us is able to respond and enjoy the moment. Often less is more! Don't ever overstimulate something. You can often stimulate something more by understimulating it or focusing your efforts in a different way. All involve a very high degree of self confidence as a couple and a willingness to playfully embrace failure in a counterintuitive way that actually creates success.


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## Salty93 (Jul 1, 2021)

To first answer your question, yes I have had sex just because I felt like I should but with that being said we have a two year old so we have more of an opportunity than you would. I don’t think it should be something that is forced just because it seems like you guys are more disappointed than before having sex. I also don’t think you should hold out on one another just because the kids are over. They’re old enough to be doing something like going out to the movies or some form of activity. Or you guys could spice things up and go out somewhere.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I grew up with a father who worked 7 days offshore and then 7 days home. Even at 10 I knew you never went in my parents room or knocked on the door Tuesday nights. It didn’t stunt my growth or give me brain damage.


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