# Husband happiness



## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

Do I,as a husband, deserve to be happy in marriage? Or should I just give her what she wants/needs to be happy in her life? Since I have made my feelings known, life would go back to normal if I just kept my mouth shut, she’d still be happy and I could plod along at work. Just finish my time here on earth.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Of course you deserve to be happy!

But you go to make it happen.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Uselessmale said:


> Do I,as a husband, deserve to be happy in marriage? Or should I just give her what she wants/needs to be happy in her life? Since I have made my feelings known, life would go back to normal if I just kept my mouth shut, she’d still be happy and I could plod along at work. Just finish my time here on earth.


Wow...melodramatic much?:smile2:

Yes. You do deserve to be happy. Both of you do. Is she responsible for 100 of it? No. As an individual you have to take care of yourself, find something that you enjoy and do it. Find your happiness. 

As the wife, she.makes you happy by respecting you, loving you and showing you that she cares.

Peopke treat you the way you allow them to. So, demand what you need and be firm. If she isnt ready to give you what you need...why should you accommodate what she needs?


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## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

Happy wife happy life. Not melodrama just keeps the peace.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Youre fooling yourself.

The 'Happy wife/Happy life' thing only works if you keep your wife happy and in turn, she leaves you alone.
At least to some extent.

But that doesnt sound like whats happening. You're miserable. 

BTW, existentially speaking, I don't know what exactly 'deserves to be Happy', means or who has declared it to be so, 
but that's a subject for another thread.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

What does she need that is so contradictory to you being happy?

I expect my husband to do stuff to make himself happy and do what I can to help that (including doing a lot of stuff together) but ultimately, our own happiness has to come from ourselves.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Need more information. What did you request of her that would make you happy but made her angry with you?


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

To chase happiness, guarantees you won't find happiness. At best, you can achieve some level of contentment, maybe. Go watch some Jordan B. Peterson videos on youtube.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Uselessmale said:


> Happy wife happy life. Not melodrama just keeps the peace.


Yet here you are...trying to understand why the equation you have applied to your marriage, that you continue to sell, is not working.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Uselessmale said:


> Do I,as a husband, deserve to be happy in marriage? Or should I just give her what she wants/needs to be happy in her life? Since I have made my feelings known, life would go back to normal if I just kept my mouth shut, she’d still be happy and I could plod along at work. Just finish my time here on earth.


What is it that you want from her that she is not doing? What needs of yours is she not meeting?

Why are you unhappy with your marriage?


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Uselessmale said:


> Do I,as a husband, deserve to be happy in marriage? Or should I just give her what she wants/needs to be happy in her life? Since I have made my feelings known, life would go back to normal if I just kept my mouth shut, she’d still be happy and I could plod along at work. Just finish my time here on earth.


Dude, you sound like Eeyore. How on earth are you going to be in a happy relationship if your response to adversity is to mope around with a bunch of passive aggressive whining? "Uselessmale"? Stand up. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Talk to your wife and listen to your wife. Take charge of your life.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Let's see. She yells at you, calls you names, hasn't had sex with you for 3 years and laughs at your attempts. Do you secretly like this kind of abuse? Be honest with yourself. If so, then this will be your fourth thread that goes nowhere. But if you really want to be happy and lead a life without her abuse, then it's time to move on.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Uselessmale said:


> Do I,as a husband, deserve to be happy in marriage? Or should I just give her what she wants/needs to be happy in her life? Since I have made my feelings known, life would go back to normal if I just kept my mouth shut, she’d still be happy and I could plod along at work. Just finish my time here on earth.


why are you asking us? the answer to your question is YOUR decision to make.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Uselessmale said:


> Happy wife happy life. Not melodrama just keeps the peace.



Everyone seems to forget the second part of this phrase though.

"Happy wife, happy life."
"Happy dude, less attitude..."

Enjoy!


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## BradWesley2 (Jul 15, 2016)

Uselessmale said:


> Do I,as a husband, deserve to be happy in marriage? Or should I just give her what she wants/needs to be happy in her life? Since I have made my feelings known, life would go back to normal if I just kept my mouth shut, she’d still be happy and I could plod along at work. Just finish my time here on earth.


Hmmm - a talking doormat.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

"Happy Wife, Happy Life" Is some of the worst relationship advice ever formulated. Would we ever advise anyone to enter into a covert contract? Why would we advocate a covert contract lifestyle? 
Happy Dude, less attitude, could as easily be written Happy in the kitchen, a whole lot less *****en. Give her what she wants and she won't make your life miserable. How about this one? Stop giving her anything and she will soon stop giving you grief. Is our goal in life to reduce abusive treatment to some tolerable level? This is not Happiness. Happiness is a life devoid of abuse. A happy relationship is when two people are Happy to fill each other's needs.

UselessMale, has been with us for about 10 months and has not solved any of his relationship problems. He grew up abused, Then he married an Abusive spouse. His spouse has two abusive parents and she models their behavior. It is probably too late to save the 3rd or next generation. 

UM the advice you need is that you should get out of any abusive relationship as soon as possible. You need some counseling until you discover what a healthy relationship looks like. I know you have been sexless for 3 years, and it seems to be the only important thing to you. If happiness (not just temporary peace) is your goal, then you need a Partner, not a master. You need a proper balanced loving relationship. First you need to fix your head so you can be a loving partner. Second you need to see a doctor about that ED etc. Implant may be the way to go. Then you can take your confidence and find a better match. But you can't get there while you are being daily abused. The very first thing you have to do is break the chain of abuse.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

You hit it square on the head, Mr. Nail.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

Uselessmale said:


> Do I,as a husband, deserve to be happy in marriage? Or should I just give her what she wants/needs to be happy in her life? Since I have made my feelings known, life would go back to normal if I just kept my mouth shut, she’d still be happy and I could plod along at work. Just finish my time here on earth.


the only thing we "deserve" in life is a breath of air and sunshine. YOU have to go and define YOUR happiness and then make it happen.

you would have to give examples of how your wife is taking away your happiness to have a meaningful discussion here about it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Mr. Nail said:


> "Happy Wife, Happy Life" Is some of the worst relationship advice ever formulated.


Indeed. I suspect somebody knew that "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" and just assumed that if that's the case, the reverse must be true as well (If mama _is _happy, the so will everyone else be). 

Sadly, that is not the case. 

It is possible to enhance one's own happiness by making someone else happy--but ONLY if the other person has the same attitude and takes joy in reciprocation. The two must be reciprocating. no relationship can stand on a single pillar.


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## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

Thank you all. I got to get out


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

What I discovered recently is that no one deserves anything. You might get lucky and get things easy (new job offer, wife willing to pleasure you, etc...) but your mindset needs to shift from "deserving" anything to working for it.

Do you deserve to be happy... Yes you do... BUT it is something you need to work for... something to achieve... mind, body, spirit.

Its not your job to make your wife 100% happy and its not her job to make you 100% happy.


Make yourself happy first.

I suggest reading: "No more mr. nice guy" and "hold on to your nuts"

Both will advocate your need to focus on yourself and improvement... which will bring your wife along... or leave her behind


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Tatsuhiki hit the nail on the head. Three years without? What does she say about that....she knows that's not proper for most folks. You've got to know she is fully aware of what she's doing.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Uselessmale said:


> Thank you all. I got to get out


So wait ..... you posted a highly ambiguous question, and now are deciding to leave your marriage over the expected ambiguous answers?


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Life is a period of treading water until you die. The bigger the waves, the harder the treading. So I suggest doing what you can to calm the waves around you.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Uselessmale said:


> Do I,as a husband, deserve to be happy in marriage? Or should I just give her what she wants/needs to be happy in her life? Since I have made my feelings known, life would go back to normal if I just kept my mouth shut, she’d still be happy and I could plod along at work. Just finish my time here on earth.




Omg I just felt my man parts get angry. Be a man and find your happiness. If your wife is not willing to be an active participant in you being happy she is not a good wife. Find a new one who is and let the old one ruin someone else’s life. This is all being said with the preface that you are a man who deserves respect and are a good husband. I can already see the respect may be an issue based on this post and your username.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The correct phrase is: Happy spouses make happy houses. Happy wife happy life is BS.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Uselessmale said:


> Happy wife happy life. Not melodrama just keeps the peace.


This is single-handedly the biggest BS line ever uttered in marriage. You submit to your wife's wishes... she is happy. Temporarily. Then she wants it again... and again... and again. You can't keep up. Eventually, she loses respect for you because you never ever stand up to her. This doesn't end well. 

It's okay for her to emote and be angry/upset. Don't be so affected by it. Let it roll off your shoulder. If her attitude gets to be predominantly angry and she is no longer a good partner, you tell her so. 

Your current "Woe is me" attitude is extremely unattractive and it will get you absolutely nowhere. You're a dude. Act like it.


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## shadesofgrey (Feb 7, 2018)

Trust me I'm finding out the hard way, life is too GD short to live with BS. If you are not happy, talk with her, tell her what you expect, and if she doesn't care or want to change things, why the F should you?


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

No, you don't deserve.

When you decide to be a man, you have sex with your wife ten times in the last two days. My hips are killing me. 

I use the expression "Happy Wife, Happy Life", understanding where it comes from in the Philippines. But I had my wife meet my 19 year old girlfriend Friday night and I assure you that was not a real happy moment for her. The girlfriend acted like a snooty, entitled ***** despite the kindness my wife was showing her. 

Both of us decided wholeheartedly she's fired for good now. That was an important test that other girlfriends have passed. 

I'm not exactly a doormat, don't cha know. The "happy" business doesn't mean being a squirming worm under her feet. Genghis Khan is an icon for me. Every hottie on earth wanted to do it with the Khan. Happy. 

Be the Khan.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> Life is a period of treading water until you die. The bigger the waves, the harder the treading. So I suggest doing what you can to calm the waves around you.


Dude, that is probably the worst out look on life I have ever seen. But I have to admit it is one I shared for many years, along with the OP. I agree the idea of Happy Wife, Happy Life is complete garbage but it took me years to figure it out. Now I know better.
Life is all about swimming towards what you want, not treading water. You are only on this earth for a short time. Make the most of it while you can. If you find your current situation less than satisfying - change it. If no one deserve happiness, then the opposite is equally true - no one deserves unhappiness either.


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