# Huge sex drive, just not for hubby



## Ponyo (Mar 22, 2010)

Hello. I've been trying to deal with this issue for years, and have yet to find a solution. My hubby and I are coming up on 10 years. We have 2 children, 9 and 4. He is a VERY sex oriented person, wanting it multiple times daily. I would be happy with once a month at this point.

I've recently engaged in some online flirting, and I was amazed at my ability to get horny. I thought it was gone! I feel horrible about this, but have no idea how to change it. When I try to think of my hubby sexually, it just doesn't give me that.. burn that fantasies do. 

Can anyone suggest where I should start with this? I'm getting a full Thyroid panel done soon, and I'm also researching hormone issues. I'm working on depression, self-esteem issues, and possible ADD. Any suggestions are appreciated.


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## Ted (Mar 2, 2009)

When you said that you get horny, just not for your husband, It makes me think it has nothing to do with physical problems (ie. Thyroid, hormones, etc.)

My guess is that you have some built up resentment for him, which has made him very undesirable to you. MarkTwain who used to post on here all the time had a good article at his site: Sexless Marriage?

See if you identify with any of those reasons for resentment, and at least you will have a starting place to see what to work on.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

Ponyo said:


> Hello. I've been trying to deal with this issue for years, and have yet to find a solution. My hubby and I are coming up on 10 years. We have 2 children, 9 and 4. He is a VERY sex oriented person, wanting it multiple times daily. I would be happy with once a month at this point.
> 
> I've recently engaged in some online flirting, and I was amazed at my ability to get horny. I thought it was gone! I feel horrible about this, but have no idea how to change it. When I try to think of my hubby sexually, it just doesn't give me that.. burn that fantasies do.
> 
> Can anyone suggest where I should start with this? I'm getting a full Thyroid panel done soon, and I'm also researching hormone issues. I'm working on depression, self-esteem issues, and possible ADD. Any suggestions are appreciated.



Oh boy do you sound like my wife did last year! I encouraged her to have sexual chats with other men, and it did really get her motor running. She also had depression and self esteem issues. She started on anti-depressants, and counseling. Once that got going we started to work the fantasies she was using online into our sex life. That really started to get things going. We also started to have sex every other day. Part of not being into sex is not having it. There are chemicals in semen that if you are getting it more frequently, you are going to want sex more frequently. I will say there is hope for you and your sex life. My wife and I have a better sex life now then we have ever had. You can too if you are willing to work at it.


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## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

I agree with Ted
you still love your husband but your needs not fulfilled.
in my situation, my wife is very hot, but she is a stay home mom thereofore she dress up whatever on the floor, that is one of the reasons I don't get turned on. 
I get turned on when i see women in streets specially with shorts and short skirts that wife does not dress. 
you might be used to have many men to sleep with before you got married and now you are bored and you want to have more than one partner. 
my question is, how do you satisfy your self and how often?
do you Masterb***? and how often.


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## Ponyo (Mar 22, 2010)

> Women's sexuality is such that when they are confronted in bed with someone who they see as the main cause of their resentment, they just don't feel like sex.





> She may still love and like her husband, but sex becomes less of an appetizing prospect. In the end, it's all she can do to grit her teeth and bear it as he humps away on top of her. Of course, as their sex life tumbles downhill, our micro-managing father figure knows exactly what is needed: she should get herself fixed. After all he does for her - and this sort of man is usually hard working - he expects and demands a little comfort in the evenings. Of course his attitude will just push any desires she had for him further away.


This is quite relevant, he is a pretty controlling person. And I have LOTS of resentment, 10 years worth, for various perceived injustices. I've always thought it was my fault..I never entertained the fact that he was the one making himself undesirable. Does that make sense? 

LuckyCharm, I am also a stay at home mom. I never dress up or wear makeup, why should I? I never go anywhere lol. He has said I should dress up a bit, just to please him, since he does the same for me. Well, I have a fat ass, no boobs, and heels are so uncomfortable. Makeup causes me to breakout. It doesn't seem worth the trouble. I did have many partners before him..and I got bored with them too after a while. Maybe I'm just not meant to be monogamous? Maybe I have no concept of true love and caring? It's so frustrating.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

Ponyo... ok sounds like you are down on you at this point to and other men well they can be horn dogs (if gone with out) so want to please and that really helps with the turn on...

ok you need to go shopping (don't need to spend alot a few good pieces) i am sure some of the things you were are not working with your body type.. and there are nice clothes that can bring out maybe your eyes if you like those or long legs... and you don't have to go heels per say, some men like the boot look or small heel just enough to pump up what you got. (i know shopping is or can be a downer find a friend to go with) 

body's change after kids... and face it you have to be at least ok with you so he will to... and you said other men like you so i am sure your hubby does to (they change to i am sure and some guys like a little junk in the trunk) so....

As for makeup... not needed alot maybe just light eye liner or a bit of color (shine lip gloss) on the lips... a new hair (easy to maintain bob) something to make you smile that is worth more than all the makeup in china...

ok maybe one night turn lights down low (after kids in bed) and have lotion ready don't make it about sex make it about time together. 

i do beleive that we are animals and monogamouisum was a way to real in living in a house and having family.... don't label yourself...we all have feelings of the grass is really greener on the other side... but look at the things you would miss and if they are bigger than you will stay.


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