# How should I talk to my son?



## JensHere (Oct 14, 2010)

I've been with my husband for 14 years, we have a 13 year old son. From the beginning, my husband has had addiction problems. Pot, drinking, eventually pills, and sex addiction. He started cheating on me right away, and that lasted for at least 11 years. As far as I can tell he's not cheating right now, but he is drinking a lot and has a porn addiction. I've fought to keep the family together since the beginning, but in the past few years I don't have it in me anymore. All of the lies from the past have worn me down, and I don't love him anymore at all.

He is not a good father at all. He's very critical and unreasonable with our son; nothing he does is good enough for his dad. My son is at the point where he doesn't like being left alone with his dad because he's tired of getting yelled at. My son, however, says his family is the most important thing in his life. He's been mostly sheltered from what's been going on all these years, so he loves his dad like nothing has happened.

We've argued in the past, and I've told him I was leaving. The first thing out of his mouth every time is "Fine, I'll just go tell <our son> what you're planning to do." He knows how hard it would be on my son if I took him and left, and he's using that to manipulate me. I'm ready to leave now, no matter what. I have things in place and I've made my decision.

I saw a counselor, and she suggested that I have a talk with my son before I tell my husband what I've decided. I don't know how to approach this with my son. I want to let him know that I'm very unhappy, that so many things over the years have taken their toll on me, and that the family he knows isn't how it's supposed to be. At the same time, I don't want to tell him how awful his dad has been through the years. I also need to prepare him for what his dad is going to tell him, probably things like this is all my decision and I'm the one breaking the family apart. 

How can I talk to my son and stay objective? I have no intention of trash talking his dad to him, but I also have no doubt that his dad will put the blame on me. I'm lost here.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

First off, if your decision is made, and it seems that you've come to terms with that, then I would be as honest and objective with your son as you can be with him. He is 13, he can understand more than perhaps you would expect. 

Maybe you should write down your thoughts, think it through, be prepared for the questions your son will ask. It is difficult to do, I know. Just make sure you emphasize your love to your son.

That's all I got. Good luck.


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