# Am I Bad husband??



## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

I Have been married and supportive to my spouse and our children for 9 years. I am at a point to where i look at her and feel sorry for her.She never wants to work, better herself,school, anything. I feel like she would be lost without me like she is one of my children. I want nothing but good things for her but I do not know what to do......My heart hurts for her because I want her to be able to be on her own, however I dont think she would make it. What can I do what should I do????


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

Is it wrong I want to be happy, I feel like my wife is dragging me down, she does not wish to do anything with her life, and im sure she is text book crazy. I love her so much but just cant explain anything she does, 
Ga Guy trying...


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

*help*

how do I know when its time???


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

*Re: 35 Good husband needing HELP!!*

Be a good husband and change your mindset from wanted no to divorce, to wanting to find a solution. 
Start whittling down the spending money and give her an incentive to go to work.

Lead your family


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Please do not be asking for women to be communicating privately with you. If that is your goal then perhaps there is a clue why your wife may be acting oddly.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

*Re: help*



me200 said:


> how do I know when its time???


Just asking that question is the first step.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

*Re: help*

When you can no longer deal, with what they are doing or have done any longer


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## Get Real (Feb 21, 2018)

*Re: help*

When you have exhausted ever possibility to make it work. By this I mean. Talk, theraphy, counseling, marriage encounter. At times the grass looks greener on the other side but most divorced people I know will tell you to try to make it work. Being divorced is not as fun as it may seem to you right now. And if there are kids involved, then you need to put them first. Is the relationship abusive? Is your partner cheating on you? ALl these things that are hard to work on.
Put yourself in your partners shoes and take a good look at what is going on. And realize that bottom line it is your life and even if you get support from other people at the end you will be the one to be on your own and your kids if you have them without a parent. Which may be what is best but just make sure that there are no regrets later on. You did all you could.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

WilliamM said:


> Please do not be asking for women to be communicating privately with you. If that is your goal then perhaps there is a clue why your wife may be acting oddly.


Yea. If you have anything to say just say it here, out in public. I don't PM men or respond to men's PM


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

me200 said:


> Is it wrong I want to be happy, I feel like my wife is dragging me down, she does not wish to do anything with her life, and im sure she is text book crazy. I love her so much but just cant explain anything she does, Anyone Female have a min for me to run a few things by them, I really need advice...
> Ga Guy trying...


That's right. Do not ask women on this forum to communicate with you in private. This is not a dating website.

If you want help with your problems, then post about them here on the open forum. And both men and women will talk to you.

Also, tonight you started 3 threads on the same topic. I'm merging all of them. Only one thread on a topic.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Sexy man with money and fame*

You are going to have to share a lot more in order to get any kind of helpful input.


How old are you and your wife? How long have you been married? 

How many children do you have and how old are they?

What does your wife do with her day?


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

OK let's get down to brass tacks. What exactly is the problem? Did your wife put on some weight. Is the house messy? Is she a bad cook? Does she work at all? Is she a stay at home mom? Are you getting enough sex? Are the kids not well taken care of? What? A little more detail would help.


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

I am new to this forum thing, I have not asked anyone of a particular age or gender to respond... Now that being said a females input would be greatly appreciated. I have tried many things and have spoken with multiple family members about this matter. I was just looking for a outside opinion.
I am 35 I adopted my 2 oldest daughters that belong to my wife and her previous husband. I have spent my entire life fighting for what I have in life. I went into the Army at 18, I served for 10 years and was retired from active duty for injuries suffered in Afghanistan. I met my wife toward the end of my career and we had our daughter we share, then years later adopted my 2 stepdaughters. 
After retirement I got into government contracting and that requires me to be gone a lot, BUT that is how I take care of my family and bills. In all of this and over the years I have told my wife I support her on everything, I pay for everything,I bought her cars, i pay her bills, I buy her clothes, I manage the accounts, I bought a home etc.... Over the years I told her I need her to do something in life I need her to go to school, get a job, do something anything...
That being said I told her the only thing I would not do is pay off her previous student debt, and it was not much just enough for maybe a semester, and the money i guess was never used for school it was spent on whatever her and her ex did with it. Now over the years i hand my wife money a lot. Thousands of dollars a month, and it seems to never go to the right places, if I hand her 5k on Monday by the following Monday she needs gas money. This has gone on for years....I just cant do it anymore and feel bad for feeling this way. I love my wife I do everything for her and my 3 daughters, but when i look to the future at some point I want my children to be self sufficient. How can I teach them this when their own mother will not lead by example, and after many heart felt conversations and no change am I wrong to look at divorce??? Whoever the person is on here saying I am (looking to meet women shame on you). I travel the world frequently and am not a bad catch by if i say so, if that was the case I would do it the old fashion way. I take great pride in saying I have never went stray on my marrige or my children and pride myself in being a wonderful family man... I just want help in trying to figure out what others have done and am I wrong for feeling this way? Any advice is appreciated..thanks..


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

You hand her. 5 k on Monday and 7 days later she needs another 5 k?

Why in the world with this kind of money do you give any thought to her student debt?

She stays home and takes care of YOUR CHILDREN.

Would it make you feel better if she was a cashier at Walmart?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Maybe she is happy looking after the 3 children and running the home. Just because your job is the one that earns the money, and hers isn't, doesnt make it any less important. Its a very busy life with 3 children and all they do as well as caring for the home and keeping things running. 
You seem to be wanting her to be the same as you and to want the same as you.Why? You are you and she is her.

Yes you are wrong to be looking at divorce.
You have a wife and three children who depend on you.The oldest 2 have already had one broken home, and now you want to destroy their second one. You have no good reason to end the marriage.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Sounds like she might be depressed and lonely. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

me200 said:


> I'm sure she is text book crazy. I love her so much but just cant explain anything she does.


GaGuy, many members here have had lots of experience living with emotionally unstable, immature spouses. If you would like to benefit from our shared experiences, please tell us what kind of _"text book crazy"_ you've been seeing for nine years. Did your W's irrational behavior begin immediately after the wedding? Has it persisted throughout the nine years? In what ways is she irrational?



> She never wants to work, better herself,school, anything.... like she is one of my children.


As other members have said, it is a lot of work to take care of three young children. Are you saying, then, that your W is neglecting them and not caring for them properly? Or are you saying, instead, that she is a great mother but has no ambitions for any type of professional job after they are all going to school full time?


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

she does not stay home full time my children are in college they look after each other. She makes them take care of the youngest...when I come home I find myself cleaning the entire house "deep Clean" She says she just wants to get caught up on her TV shows and that why nothing is done....
Am I missing something??


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

Its not about the money its the principle.. Im not teaching my daughter to find a husband to pay their debts, I want them to learn you do not need a man to take care of you, That women can be strong and independent. If my wife and I split today she would have nothing, nothing to stand on nothing to fall back on...and it makes me sad. I teach my daughters to always have a plan and that they can do anything they want without depending on others... I guess you disagree


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

me200 said:


> Its not about the money its the principle.. Im not teaching my daughter to find a husband to pay their debts, I want them to learn you do not need a man to take care of you, That women can be strong and independent. If my wife and I split today she would have nothing, nothing to stand on /QUOTE]
> 
> Well- unless you have an ironclad pre- nup-
> 
> ...


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

...


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

I do , but like i said its not about the money


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

me200 said:


> I do , but like i said its not about the money


I do what?
Of course it is about the money.

And just to answer your question for your OP

YES.

We can work backwards from there.


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

Im not sure what any of this has to do with is it normal to feel bad about wanting a divorce in the first place. I turned to this site hoping someone would let me know if these feelings are normal. I obviously made a mistake and apologize for attempting to post here.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

me200 said:


> Im not sure what any of this has to do with is it normal to feel bad about wanting a divorce in the first place. I turned to this site hoping someone would let me know if these feelings are normal. I obviously made a mistake and apologize for attempting to post here.


Since 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce you should not feel like the odd man out.

Your wife is going to get at least 50 percent of community assets.

Maybe some alimony or you could pay a lump sum up front.

That 5k per week is going to be a problem.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

...


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

sandcastle said:


> Of course it is about the money.


Let me be a voice of disagreement.

The older kids are in college and between them and pops, share duties taking care of the youngest one.

While mom caches up with her TV shows.

He works full time and comes home to clean.

While mom catches up with her TV shows.


It's less about the money, and more about not supporting a leech.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Windwalker said:


> Let me be a voice of disagreement.
> 
> The older kids are in college and between them and pops, share duties taking care of the youngest one.
> 
> ...


So he can let her sit on the couch and support her lazy ass or divorce her.

If he lives in the US and does NOT live in NM-

It's gonna be cheaper to keep her.

I dunno- you all go to court and get back to me.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

sandcastle said:


> So he can let her sit on the couch and support her lazy ass or divorce her.
> 
> If he lives in the US and does NOT live in NM-
> 
> ...


If it was me, I would give it all to her and walk away.
It's worth every dime for the rest of my life to be rid of a soul sucking parasite.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

me200 said:


> Im not sure what any of this has to do with is it normal to feel bad about wanting a divorce in the first place. I turned to this site hoping someone would let me know if these feelings are normal. I obviously made a mistake and apologize for attempting to post here.


OP, 

No need to apologize for anything. You feel what you feel. Sit down and logical look at the situation to see if those feelings are justified or not.

The thing about any discussion board is to take what is useful and discard the rest. You wouldn't be the first person that has regrets about coming here. Unfortunately it happens.

I hope you are still reading this thread, because I do honestly feel that not all is lost.

Send me a private message. I think we have a couple points of similarities.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

metoo, of course your feelings are normal - you have a wife who's using you and not participating in the marriage. That said, you are half the problem. You hand over thousands of dollars, pick up the slack for everything she's not doing, and then instead of having a come to Jesus meeting with her, you just keep on doing the same thing.

I have a couple books for you to read. His Needs Her Needs will explain what a good marriage is supposed to look like. No More Mr Nice Guy will explain why you're not getting anywhere with her and what you should change.

Read those and then come back and we'll talk.

And in the meantime, stop handing her cash. Go to the grocery store she shops at and buy a gift card that you can keep putting money on. Put $500 on it and don't put more on it for at least a week or two. Give her a prepaid gas card and tell her that's all there is until next month. Give her a $500 gift Amex card for all other expenses and tell her that's all there is until next month.

Are you strong enough to do this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

me200 said:


> How can I teach them this when their own mother will not lead by example, and after many heart felt conversations and no change am I wrong to look at divorce??? Whoever the person is on here saying I am (looking to meet women shame on you). ..


I am the one who mentioned that you had asked for women to talk to you. I edited the post where you said that. No can see it now in that post because I edited it out. Shame on you for not being truthful about the fact stated that.



me200 said:


> Is it wrong I want to be happy, I feel like my wife is dragging me down, she does not wish to do anything with her life, and im sure she is text book crazy. I love her so much but just cant explain anything she does, *Anyone Female have a min for me to run a few things by them*, I really need advice... ..


You also might want to check the title under my name. I’m a site administrator. You’d be wise to not pick an argument.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

me200 said:


> Its not about the money its the principle.. Im not teaching my daughter to find a husband to pay their debts, I want them to learn you do not need a man to take care of you, That women can be strong and independent. I


My mom was a SAHM. She quit her career in music after her 5th baby was born. In all, she had 8 children. My father of course worked full time.

The biggest influence in my life to be independent was not my mother. It was my father. He used to tell all of us, all 5 of his daughters, to make sure that we had a career and were self sufficient. He told us that a woman should never depend on a man. This was in the 1950's & 1960's. He was definitely a father with ideas ahead of his time. I think that you have a chance to be a big influence on your daughters.

Your daughters have most likely heard what you have told them. Plus society today is such that the norm now is for a woman to have a career and be independent. About 70% of all married women work. Your daughters are most likely not to end up being like their mother.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

me200 said:


> she does not stay home full time my children are in college they look after each other. She makes them take care of the youngest...when I come home I find myself cleaning the entire house "deep Clean" She says she just wants to get caught up on her TV shows and that why nothing is done....
> Am I missing something??


You say that you are 35 years old. But your children are in college? How old are they?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

me200 said:


> Im not sure what any of this has to do with is it normal to feel bad about wanting a divorce in the first place. I turned to this site hoping someone would let me know if these feelings are normal. I obviously made a mistake and apologize for attempting to post here.


Of course it's normal to feel bad about wanting a divorce. It's probably the reasons that so many people chose to stay in marriages that are not working well for so long.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turnera said:


> metoo, of course your feelings are normal - you have a wife who's using you and not participating in the marriage. That said, you are half the problem. You hand over thousands of dollars, pick up the slack for everything she's not doing, and then instead of having a come to Jesus meeting with her, you just keep on doing the same thing.
> 
> I have a couple books for you to read. His Needs Her Needs will explain what a good marriage is supposed to look like. No More Mr Nice Guy will explain why you're not getting anywhere with her and what you should change.
> 
> ...


He needs to read "Love Busters" too because he need to figure out how to tell her that what she is doing is killing his love for her. And if she wants to stay in this marriage, she needs to start taking life a lot more seriously, start meeting his needs, etc. She's love busting big time.


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

not picking a argument, just guess I needed to clarify that i needed a woman's opinion. All my friends are guys in life and they all say the same. I guess I should have been more clear about that. I just assume people would read the threads and see that was not my intent.


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

thanks for the tip turnera


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

18, 16, and 9 my oldest is in college, the middle is almost there. My youngest is not even close..lol


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

awesome, this makes me feel a lot better. TY Eliegrl


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

and in my test I did not ever specifically ask anyone female to PM me, I did not not even know that was a option to use PM on this site. So again sorry for the confusion.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

me200 said:


> 18, 16, and 9 my oldest is in college, the middle is almost there. My youngest is not even close..lol


how old is your wife? She must have had her first 2 daughters at a very young age.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What interests does your wife have? Any hobbies?


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

ELeGirl:
She has tried many things, But gives everything up... I have supported her through crafting,paddle boarding, hiking, and so on. She showed some interest in real estate and I told her i would pay for the class and help her study but she always gives up. My basement is full of her attempts to do things. Its not easy seeing someone fail all the time. But like I said before its like she is content doing nothing. I have had many heart to heart talks with her saying something needs to change. I guess it recently got worse when I came home from Overseas missions and found out that she advised my daughter to use her college scholarship money to go shopping. I lost it!!! I explained this was a poor financial decision, and with advice like this she is setting our daughters up to fail. 

Whenever we talk she admits that she is wrong and that she can see my frustration but a week later we are back in the same position....

Yes she had our 2 oldest very young...


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

I know some people on here say I will go broke getting a divorce and she will take everything yada yada yada.. This is not the case I asked my wife if we split up what would she do?? She said she had places to go and I would need to take the girls...and thats fine. Im not heartless, I have even contemplated if this did happen I would get her a apartment and pay it in full and furnish it for a year so she can get established. I refuse to give her our house because she went through the same thing with her ex years ago, and lost her home. Then in turn her and her daughters moved around and slept on couches for a while...well until I came along.


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## me200 (Feb 25, 2018)

Williamm:

Here is the thing she has had multiple jobs and I have put it in writing that she needs to work, not only for income but for mental health to be out in the community interacting with others. Over the years she has had many,many,many jobs. In the end she is fired or let go for many reasons. I did and do value everything she does, but at some point I stop and see that everything she does is not a lot. While i was overseas I thought she cooked,cleaned,took care of our youngest. Come to find out she was putting all this on the older daughters and sleeping until noon. So now when Im home I get up at5am to lay clothes out,cook breakfast and get our youngest to school. I think it is important your children see you before they start their day.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Just for the record, I read your request for female input and didn't take it as you soliciting anyone to message you. I guess the site administrators have to be careful about that kind of thing.

I would adminish that you not consider divorce in terms of your plan to be gracious and generous with her. She will receive a healthy settlement in the divorce, and that is beyond your control. No one is subject to the mercy of the other party in a divorce. Some would be gracious as you say you would be, but some would not offer one red cent. Therefore, the courts take those kinds of decisions out of the hands of the two parties and award or distribute marital property based on state guidelines and the propensity of the court in your area. Most courts order based on the agreement between the two parties, but if you and she cannot come to a signed agreement with the assistance of your attorneys or a mediator, then your wife will more than likely be awarded custody of the minor children, child support, and the house, and she will likely also receive an alimony judgment.

I have to say I don't understand you saying you still love your wife but yet you want a divorce. If you love her, then I would think you would take all possible measures to resolve your differences and keep the marriage intact. I can understand you probably feel you have done all you can, but I don't recall reading that you and she attended counseling. 

I also think you have come to this conclusion a little hastily. I say that because it appears your wife is the same woman you married. She hasn't changed. I can understand you have grown weary of the person that she is, but I don't really find that to be punitive on her end.

No I don't think you are a bad husband nor a bad person. You feel your wife is not maintaining her end of the bargain, but I don't know if you have told her that because you didn't say. You only told us of the demands you made of her and that you wrote your demands on paper. If she is anything like me, I would not take kindly to anyone making demands of me. I would do the opposite of what they are demanding and tell them where to get off. It sounds like you have been a dutiful husband, but it doesn't sound like you have been much of a loving and caring one. You have done all that you know to do, so I submit there is something to do that you didn't know you should. I think a different approach is necessary here.

A woman has needs too. So how about asking her what she needs from you instead of you thinking she's supposed to be your stepford wife. Believe it or not, the way her husband treats her, if in such fashion that she finds objectionable, is often the reason for her lack of motivation. Like I said, making demands of me will make me want to do just the opposite.


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

me200 said:


> Its not about the money its the principle.. Im not teaching my daughter to find a husband to pay their debts, I want them to learn you do not need a man to take care of you, That women can be strong and independent. If my wife and I split today she would have nothing, nothing to stand on nothing to fall back on...and it makes me sad. I teach my daughters to always have a plan and that they can do anything they want without depending on others... I guess you disagree


The only way you can truly influence people is by leading by example. No one will listen to the person smoking who says "Don't smoke, it's bad for you." You teach through your actions and, unfortunately, you are teaching your children the exact OPPOSITE of what you want them to learn. By handing your wife 5k and then not holding her accountable, you are teaching them that is exactly how it goes...dad gives money, mom spends it and asks for more. When you hand her money, clean the house right when you get home even when you don't want to, you are teaching her that this is okay. You need to start by setting clear boundaries for yourself. 

Ask yourself what behaviour you will and won't tolerate. You can't change her into a different woman but you can certainly set boundaries that respect your needs so she can adjust her behaviour.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Lazy User people will always continue to be lazy and use you...unless you stop it. Honestly, time to get creative. You're doing everything anyway...stop giving her money. Pay for groceries and gas and nothing else.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

me200 said:


> ELeGirl:
> She has tried many things, But gives everything up... I have supported her through crafting,paddle boarding, hiking, and so on. She showed some interest in real estate and I told her i would pay for the class and help her study but she always gives up. My basement is full of her attempts to do things. Its not easy seeing someone fail all the time. But like I said before its like she is content doing nothing. I have had many heart to heart talks with her saying something needs to change. I guess it recently got worse when I came home from Overseas missions and found out that she advised my daughter to use her college scholarship money to go shopping. I lost it!!! I explained this was a poor financial decision, and with advice like this she is setting our daughters up to fail.
> 
> Whenever we talk she admits that she is wrong and that she can see my frustration but a week later we are back in the same position....
> ...


Overseas missions? Does that mean Christian missions? If it does than as a Christian you have no Biblical reason at all to end this marriage. Please stop pressuring her to do things. Let her be content to be a SAHM, its a very valuable job. Its not 'wrong' to be her, but its wrong for you to think she must be the way you demand she is. Stop trying to make her into someone she isn't and accept and love her as she is. This will do more for your marriage that any amount of badgering and pressuring. 
How horrible to be married to a man who is discontent with you, and who doesn't love you the way you are.I cant imagine how hurtful and soul destroying that is. Pray for her, but not to be the woman YOU want her to be, but to be the woman GOD wants her to be. That may well not be the same. 

More importantly pray for yourself, that you will see her as God does, precious, loved and important. That your attitude to her will change, that you will value her for who she is. I suspect that God wants to bring about some very real changes in you. To value what you have, to be thankful for your family and to stop trying to make her into something she is probably never going to be.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Honestly a lot of people have issues with their spouse. My ex was a serious alcoholic and cheated on me. She was also a SAHM but I really had no problem with that part. If you think your situation warrants a divorce, then get one. You don't need anyone's permission. You sound like you are feeling a bit guilty about it because otherwise why would you be seeking approval? That's something you can think about yourself, but what do you expect people to tell you? It is or isn't OK to divorce her under the given circumstances? I'll say your case doesn't seem like a slam dunk. She isn't cheating on you, or abusing you, etc, so it's simply your call.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Overseas missions? Does that mean Christian missions? If it does than as a Christian you have no Biblical reason at all to end this marriage. Please stop pressuring her to do things. Let her be content to be a SAHM, *its a very valuable job*.



It is a VERY valuable job... When one DOES it. 



> Its not 'wrong' to be her, but its wrong for you to think she must be the way you demand she is. Stop trying to make her into someone she isn't and accept and love her as she is. This will do more for your marriage that any amount of badgering and pressuring.
> How horrible to be married to a man who is discontent with you, and who doesn't love you the way you are.I cant imagine how hurtful and soul destroying that is. Pray for her, but not to be the woman YOU want her to be, but to be the woman GOD wants her to be. That may well not be the same.
> 
> More importantly pray for yourself, that you will see her as God does, precious, loved and important. That your attitude to her will change, that you will value her for who she is. I suspect that God wants to bring about some very real changes in you. To value what you have, to be thankful for your family and to stop trying to make her into something she is probably never going to be.


OP I cannot agree with this post. I warn I could not care less about the bible's interpretation of marriage. And praying to god can be "a long wait for a train don't come" (Mal Reynolds). 


Effective limit setting is the way to go. Bring it up with your therapist!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> Overseas missions? Does that mean Christian missions? If it does than as a Christian you have no Biblical reason at all to end this marriage. Please stop pressuring her to do things. Let her be content to be a SAHM, its a very valuable job. Its not 'wrong' to be her, but its wrong for you to think she must be the way you demand she is. Stop trying to make her into someone she isn't and accept and love her as she is. This will do more for your marriage that any amount of badgering and pressuring.
> How horrible to be married to a man who is discontent with you, and who doesn't love you the way you are.I cant imagine how hurtful and soul destroying that is. Pray for her, but not to be the woman YOU want her to be, but to be the woman GOD wants her to be. That may well not be the same.
> 
> More importantly pray for yourself, that you will see her as God does, precious, loved and important. That your attitude to her will change, that you will value her for who she is. I suspect that God wants to bring about some very real changes in you. To value what you have, to be thankful for your family and to stop trying to make her into something she is probably never going to be.


*sigh*
As usual, Diana, you're missing the entire point. This has nothing to do with Christianity and everything to do with human nature and psychology. She's lazy and she uses. If he continues to throw thousands of dollars at her every week, do you think she's going to change? Why should she? If I were him, instead of giving HER the money, I'd hire a nanny/housekeeper and just live around her, until she realizes she's being left out of the whole family and decides to start participating; at which time he'll give her some expectations.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

turnera said:


> *sigh*
> As usual, Diana, you're missing the entire point. This has nothing to do with Christianity and everything to do with human nature and psychology. She's lazy and she uses. If he continues to throw thousands of dollars at her every week, do you think she's going to change? Why should she? If I were him, instead of giving HER the money, I'd hire a nanny/housekeeper and just live around her, until she realizes she's being left out of the whole family and decides to start participating; at which time he'll give her some expectations.


The solution here isn't for him to run away from the problem but for him to deal with it as the Christian man he is. God does not give an out for marriage unless there are serious issues such as cheating. He has no biblical reason to end this marriage or run away from difficulties. He made promises in a covenant relationship. 

He is perfectly able to say no to her when she asks for more money, and as the Spiritual man of the house he needs to make sure that they get these issues sorted. 

The first step would be some good marriage counselling.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> It is a VERY valuable job... When one DOES it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Actually I have seen marriages restored through prayer.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Yeah, so we have a lot of people saying he has no good reason to divorce her.

So I propose this question. What would you do if your spouse took all of the income every week and spent it at the casino? Blew it all. Oh, I can hear you all now, it's not the same. BS. Regardless of where it goes, the money is gone.

If she's blowing 5k a week and asking for gas money by Friday, there is some serious problems.

Fiscal malfeasance is most certainly a valid reason to divorce someone over.

The only reason that this isn't misappropriation of funds and grand larceny is because they are married.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> The solution here isn't for him to run away from the problem but for him to deal with it as the Christian man he is. God does not give an out for marriage unless there are serious issues such as cheating. He has no biblical reason to end this marriage or run away from difficulties. He made promises in a covenant relationship.
> 
> He is perfectly able to say no to her when she asks for more money, and as the Spiritual man of the house he needs to make sure that they get these issues sorted.
> 
> The first step would be some good marriage counselling.


I disagree. Abuse comes in many form...verbal, 
physical, emotional and financial abuse. She promise to honor her husband. How is she honoring him when she wastes his hard earn money? By being wastful she is disrespecting her husband and breaking her promise. That is abuse.

She is robbing them both of a secure financial future and a heathy financial foundation. Which affects both the healthof the marriage and her husband's mental health. So her action does have detrimental impact on the marriage. 

Who wants to be married to someone who has a histroy of this kind of behavior. There is no security here.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

me200 said:


> I went into the Army at 18, I served for 10 years and was retired from active duty for injuries suffered in Afghanistan.
> 
> After retirement I got into government contracting and that requires me to be gone a lot, BUT that is how I take care of my family and bills. .


See this? 
From his intro post. 



Diana7 said:


> The solution here isn't for him to run away from the problem but for him to deal with it as the Christian man he is. God does not give an out for marriage unless there are serious issues such as cheating. He has no biblical reason to end this marriage or run away from difficulties. He made promises in a covenant relationship.
> 
> He is perfectly able to say no to her when she asks for more money, and as the Spiritual man of the house he needs to make sure that they get these issues sorted.
> 
> The first step would be some good marriage counselling.


BS.
Baloney.
Hogwash.
Total, complete and utter projection.

Absolutely no where has the subject of religion come up in this thread, but from you. If he works for a private security firm contracted to the government, then he definitely goes on "missions".

And at the end of the day, fiscal malfeasance is most certainly a valid reason to file for divorce.

I myself would shut the money off completely. And I mean completely. Not a red cent would pass through her lazy hands.

$50 a week allowance. That's it, don't ask for more. Then I would hire a nanny to clean and take care of the house and kids. Make all the bills direct pay out of an account that she has no access to. Shut down all access to joint lines of credit. And put and absolute freeze on my credit reports through all 3 reporting agencies. That's just to start. There's other things that can be done on top of that.

OP, it's time for some serious economic sanctions!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

me200, have you started reading No More Mr Nice Guy yet?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Windwalker said:


> See this?
> From his intro post.
> 
> 
> ...


I have never heard of a secular job described as a mission.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

In military, it always is.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I have never heard of a secular job described as a mission.


Blackwater.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

turnera said:


> In military, it always is.


Yes that is one exception. Mostly its used to describe Christian missions, as in missionaries.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Ex-Military
Government contractor.
Traveling work.

Very high possibility of security work.


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