# Tried kissing... What is up?



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

So wife and I had some missionary going on last night and I tried to kiss her after a few minutes of warm up..... kissing on the neck, etc.
She just kept turning her head and did not want to.... would not open her mouth.
WTF?
I am really just about to say -uck it. So tired of this..


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Have you asked her what the problem is? Was she molested as a child? Does she resent you? Do you have bad hygiene? Was she raised to think sex is bad?

Her refusal could be so many things. Try to talk to her about it in a non-confrontational way. Don't get angry or defensive. Just tell her that you want to know what is going on and that whatever the problem is, you won't judge her and will be there to help.

If she refuses to talk, tell her that you aren't sure you can stay in a non-sexual marriage. Ask her to see a IC to discuss what is going on. If she still refuses, it might be time to get out. But let her know honestly that the situation is becoming a deal-breaker (but start off just by asking her gently about it to see if she will talk).


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sometimes it is as simple as sinuses being blocked up.
Or you didn't shave close enough.
She might have said something, I know in past I have told H I cannot breath or his bristles are impaling my lips. For some reason he thinks passion on his part should overcome physical discomfort/inability to breath on my part. 

She may also have a canker sore or bleeding gums or feels she has bad breath or perhaps you do.

If you don't ask then you won't know.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> So wife and I had some missionary going on last night and I tried to kiss her after a few minutes of warm up..... kissing on the neck, etc.
> She just kept turning her head and did not want to.... would not open her mouth.
> WTF?
> I am really just about to say -uck it. So tired of this..


So, what did you do when she did this?

... and was there foreplay and kissing going on before you got to the sex? If not, it sounds like your wife is not being warmed up and is just 'enduring'?

If you've got relationship issues going on between you (sorry, I don't know what your story is), she may have a hard time feeling that desire. For many women, their sexual desire can be very tied to their emotional state and their level of attachment and respect they have for their partner.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> Have you asked her what the problem is? Was she molested as a child? Does she resent you? Do you have bad hygiene? Was she raised to think sex is bad?
> 
> Her refusal could be so many things. Try to talk to her about it in a non-confrontational way. Don't get angry or defensive. Just tell her that you want to know what is going on and that whatever the problem is, you won't judge her and will be there to help.
> 
> If she refuses to talk, tell her that you aren't sure you can stay in a non-sexual marriage. Ask her to see a IC to discuss what is going on. If she still refuses, it might be time to get out. But let her know honestly that the situation is becoming a deal-breaker (but start off just by asking her gently about it to see if she will talk).


No to all of the above except she may resent me... not sure. When I have asked in the past it's always "you open your mouth too wide". Sounds like a lame excuse to me.
I will try to talk to her again....


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> So, what did you do when she did this?
> 
> ... and was there foreplay and kissing going on before you got to the sex? If not, it sounds like your wife is not being warmed up and is just 'enduring'?
> 
> If you've got relationship issues going on between you (sorry, I don't know what your story is), she may have a hard time feeling that desire. For many women, their sexual desire can be very tied to their emotional state and their level of attachment and respect they have for their partner.


She doesn't like foreplay..... wants to get right to it. Plus she won't let me touch her down there.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> No to all of the above except she may resent me... not sure. When I have asked in the past it's always "*you open your mouth too wide*". Sounds like a lame excuse to me.
> I will try to talk to her again....


:lol:

Does she never kiss or just not during sex?


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Prometheus Pyrphoros said:


> :lol:
> 
> Does she never kiss or just not during sex?


She used to kiss..... never now.. been going on for a number of years.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

So, I am assuming that there are some relationship issues that you are trying to work out with your wife?

It sounds like she either just doesn't like to kiss anymore generally, or maybe she doesn't like to kiss YOU specifically. You need to find out which one it is.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Yeah who knows. There's a bunch of missing intel here. Hookers don't kiss on the mouth or do foreplay either. This is like a puzzle I don't want to play.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I agree with all of the above most of which came from a woman's perspective which is a good thing in this situation. I do think there is more going on, and I wonder if she is afraid of talking to you about it. It could be things that you are doing or not doing to her or unresolved issues from the past (either with you, previous boyfriends, abuse, etc.) I think it is something that could probably be resolved in marriage counseling.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Sounds like you have bad breath. Maybe she just doesn't want to tell you for fear of hurting you, or worse, she's afraid of you.


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## hevonne (May 25, 2011)

If she is angry with you or you have been harsh with her, She may not want to kiss the lips that cause her pain. I know for the longest time, I could NOT kiss my husband. He was verbally abusive, and that mouth repelled me.


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## CarrieAnn (Mar 25, 2011)

It sounds to me like she is having sex with you out of obligation and kissing/touching are too intimate. Yeah, that sounds silly, because what is more intimate than sex. But for me, the kissing and touching are all tied to the emotions. THAT is the intimate part for me.

You need to get to the root of the problem. This went on for years for me, to the point where I completely stopped loving him. I mentally checked out during sex (much like a prostitute does, I would guess). Try counseling to get the issues out on the table if she isn't willing to discuss with you alone.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Kissing is actually a very initmate thing. Couples fall out of it and it does not always come back so easily.

I agree there is some reason she is holding back.

Married Man Sex Life: Sexy Moves: The Ten Second Kiss


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