# What she wants in bed...



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

Hi,

I met a very attractive woman recently. We got on really well, connecting like real soul mates. After a few dates we decided to get more intimate. The sex was really amazing. We were both overwhelmed by the whole experience. As time has gone by, her behaviour in bed is something that has prompted me to seek advice on this forum, especially from females, if possible.

In short, she wants me to swear to her during fingering. She likes to fantasise about me forcing myself on her, in the past when we had just met. A fantasy role play scenario. I go along with it, but I'm the sort of person who likes to respect a woman, especially in bed. I like to whisper sweet compliments, and treat her like a lady. She doesn't like that, she wants to be spoken to like a ****.

I haven't said anything to her because I know she can't handle criticism too well. I don't want to lose the relationship because she does have numerous good qualities.

If any one can help me out on this matter, I shall be grateful. As I said before, a female perspective may be more appropriate. If you need to ask me any further questions, I shall gladly answer anything that you wish to know. Anything else that you wish to know, may help to build a better picture of the situation...

Many thanks for your time and input.

Regards,

Buxton.


----------



## bullyisback (May 23, 2017)

U gotta have a talk.. I know its hard to come out of a shell and unless ur married u hold to what u feel is comfortable. I have no problems trying her way and then mine and meet in the middle. The fingering I find funny.. I love my wife with everything in me but I call her a **** my little ***** and even say this is what u want *****..its ok.. U don't really feel she's those words she likes beibg humiliated
During sex. Its ok.. Trust me u have to give and take. Nut in this if she wants u to get down with it.. Step ur game up m let go of some of those morals .ur having sex not communion. Gods not watching u during that criticizing.. If she wants u to call had a ***** fire away if she wants u to choke her try it but not to tight.. My wife loves it and I was kinda concerned at first but then I realized this is my wife. I'm going. To be having sex with her the rest of my life. U gotta have spice in that... Talk with her and compromise. Unless she wants to peg u or something .. Srau up. U aren't the only one out there who feels that way trust me. U are not crsxy

Sent from my LGLS676 using Tapatalk


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

You are fortunate enough that she has let you know early on what she wants. She could have just waited for you to do it on your own, and then when you didn't, things start to go downhill. Give her what she wants, and take what you want.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Here's my perspective, and it may be different than from some other women here, so just take that into consideration.

I think that many women have a more sadistic type of style when it comes to the types of mental pleasure that helps to arouse them during sex. Sex for many women is a mental process as much if not more than it is a physical one. That being said, what occurs behind a bedroom door, stays there. I would not be honest, however, if I did not also mention that the types of things she is asking you to say are worrying to me. She is asking you to be degrading to her as you are doing the act, as though that is the very thing that makes her more aroused. The two are connected, and that tells me that perhaps she has had a past that includes type of audible degradation during intimacy and it had imprinted on her.

I personally would not be able to stomach if my husband were to say the same types of things that your woman is asking you to do. I I would be incredibly disturbed and offended. I am, like many women, audible in bed. F me, give it to me, the 3 letter C word etc., are all mild and repeated often. But thats not on the same level as what your gf wants.

Maybe I'm analyzing to much. Maybe she just enjoys the role-playing. Nevertheless, if this in UNCOMFORTABLE for you, then be sure to communicate with her about how it makes you feel. You are not OK saying those words to a woman. That is who you are. Just as she is who she is.


----------



## bullyisback (May 23, 2017)

Buxton said:


> Hi,
> 
> I met a very attractive woman recently. We got on really well, connecting like real soul mates. After a few dates we decided to get more intimate. The sex was really amazing. We were both overwhelmed by the whole experience. As time has gone by, her behaviour in bed is something that has prompted me to seek advice on this forum, especially from females, if possible.
> 
> ...


What u won't do bro there will be a guy who will or even a couple I guarantee u. She will push away and rebel. Get on a site where they say something to eat her up z few nights then. She make a move to see him or them. Trust me they will call her a a ***** while fingering
And not even pay u anymind. Dont let her go over comfort. She may have had sm sort of sexual deviance on hrr as a child she gotta get it out her system dont let her walk out when u. Knew how she wasb4 she was married. Someone will try to talk to her make her s fingercuff all because u wouldn't. Do u want her to leave? Help her with this area. Its in Or Or bedroom no one is watching. Take her in there a give her the best sex u can and tell her rest up cause its happing again in 15 mins.. Ur the man u he this part down. That's what ur testosterone is for. My family would grab her so please don't hold to morals. Five the bad girl sum fun

Sent from my LGLS676 using Tapatalk


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Don't think your compatible.


----------



## ewam (May 28, 2017)

I think it all depends how uncomfortable this type of talk makes you feel. I happened to attend party only recently where conversation somehow turned into sexual topic.my friend mentioned about this girl he met years earlier that he found great in any ways possible but when they started sexual relationship she was like your new girlfriend, liked being talked to in bed in a way that my friend found vulgar. he couldn't bring himself to talk to her that way, in fact he said that he couldn't maintain erection when she asked him to talk to her that way.they broke up after just few weeks.but at this party he still mentioned her with sentiment and said that she probably made a great girlfriend for some other guy, it was just him that wasn't completely into this type of talk in bed.discussion followed and some men said they wouldn't mind girlfriend like her while other male friend said that he agreed with my friend that if girl in bed demanded from him being talked to her in vulgar way he just wouldn't be able to do that.so i'm afraid i don't have any advice for you but just wanted to let you know you aren't first man with this kind of dilemma.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

Satya said:


> Here's my perspective, and it may be different than from some other women here, so just take that into consideration.
> 
> I think that many women have a more sadistic type of style when it comes to the types of mental pleasure that helps to arouse them during sex. Sex for many women is a mental process as much if not more than it is a physical one. That being said, what occurs behind a bedroom door, stays there. I would not be honest, however, if I did not also mention that the types of things she is asking you to say are worrying to me. She is asking you to be degrading to her as you are doing the act, as though that is the very thing that makes her more aroused. The two are connected, and that tells me that perhaps she has had a past that includes type of audible degradation during intimacy and it had imprinted on her.
> 
> ...


Thank you Satya for your input on this topic. Do you feel, as a woman, that love and affection could change her? Do you feel that she could change her self esteem, self confidence, through love and respect...?

Regards,
Buxton...

P.s. I would like to discuss my relationship with her, on here, I am apprehensive about any derogatory comments. That said, I am open to constructive criticism...


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

If you're not comfortable doing something in bed, you don't have to do it.

The worst thing you can do is fake it until you can't take it any more, simply for the sake of the relationship. Because at some point, if the relationship progresses and becomes more serious, you're going to have a time when you decide enough's enough, and stop doing it.

At that point, she's only going to feel that you bait-and-switched her (which you would have done), and that's not good.

Not only will she have a partner who is no longer doing something she wants/needs in bed, she's going to realize you faked it all that time, as well. Not cool.

So either fake it for the rest of the relationship (which could be the rest of your life for all you know) or tell her now that this just isn't your thing. There's no middle ground. You can't keep doing something your partner really wants you to do for a period of time then spring it on her that you actually dislike doing it and don't _want_ to do it.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

alexm said:


> If you're not comfortable doing something in bed, you don't have to do it.
> 
> The worst thing you can do is fake it until you can't take it any more, simply for the sake of the relationship. Because at some point, if the relationship progresses and becomes more serious, you're going to have a time when you decide enough's enough, and stop doing it.
> 
> ...


Thanks Alex for your advice, very much appreciated. If you don't mind, may I send you a personal message. You can say no if you want, but I don't feel comfortable about some derogatory comments if I were to write something on the open forum...

Thanks,

Buxton...


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Buxton said:


> Thank you Satya for your input on this topic. Do you feel, as a woman, that love and affection could change her? Do you feel that she could change her self esteem, self confidence, through love and respect...?
> 
> Regards,
> Buxton...


 @Buxton, 

Good questions and my answer would be... It depends. 

Trying to change her would be her decision,not because you try to or want her to. You might be able to appeal to her and tell her WHY it bothers you to talk to her that way. Either she will see your reasoning and her own thinking will change or she will disagree with you. Either way, the communication is important in any relationship and will tell you a lot about where the relationship would eventually go, if not now. 

I think that, if it's clear through her other behavior that she may have been lacking respect in her past life and relationships, that showing her that respect now will open her mind to the possibility that she can reasonably have and expect that quality in a relationship. 

As an example, my husband was married the first time for 14 years, then divorced and had a gf for 10 years. Both of his ex's depended on him highly for just about everything - his money-making, his DIY skills, his finance background, his diligent "laborer" mentality from having grown up on a farm when young, etc. I am the first independent woman (financially and otherwise) he has been with. Not to say his ex's contributed nothing, but not materially as much as emotionally. I'm not comparing, just making a point that I offered him a TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE on how a partnership could be, which frankly made him uncomfortable. He automatically thought he should do and pay for just about everything, and that just didn't sit well with me. I felt like I was taking advantage of him, so I sat him down and told him how his viewpoint makes me feel and that it was important to me to contribute as equally as possible, as an adult and his partner. 

Well, his mind was blown and I am pretty sure he prefers life this way. He can depend on me to help when he asks or needs. He could not assume that level of trust and reliance with his ex's. 

So, if you really see this relationship enduring, then you'll need to speak your truth with your girlfriend, and see what happens.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

Satya said:


> @Buxton,
> 
> Good questions and my answer would be... It depends.
> 
> ...


Thank you Satya, very well said. I have taken your advice on board. This is really very good, what you have just said. With regards to my relationship with her, may I contact you via private message first...?

Once again,

Thanks and regards.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Sure thing, no problem



Buxton said:


> Thanks Alex for your advice, very much appreciated. If you don't mind, may I send you a personal message. You can say no if you want, but I don't feel comfortable about some derogatory comments if I were to write something on the open forum...
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Buxton...


----------



## bullyisback (May 23, 2017)

See but u waited til someone told u what u wanted to hear. This is hard truth man. Its behind ur clothes doors. I bet u dont mind her screaming ur name when she had an orgasm do u. U have to understand this is how she was self taught. Its hard to go backwards or turn down. So u ask her to turn down I'm telling u she already has some sort of humiliation issue that she gets turned on by. So sex won't ever be as enjoyable. U gotta give. Little n she has to give a little as well. U gotta break out of your missionary style and roll off log her. I have to change up n work st it. Also who fingers anymore? Maybe while I'm checking her to see if she's wet or stick one in while I. Eating her out but. U want her to come all the way to u. That called control and she needs to give u walking papers be sure apparently u are a prude and u urself said u knew she was a freak b4 all tgis. So msg Alex hear what u want. Ur just like republicans and democrats. U only want like minded opinions. Sorry dont get mad. U see its an issue and u want to stand ur ground .. U lost her or u will soon. 

Sent from my LGLS676 using Tapatalk


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I doubt this is that uncommon. What goes on in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom. If you feel that you're not compatible then move on. Everyone has different likes/dislikes. You can switch off between how you like it and then her turn. Give and take.

If there is no compromise this won't last long anyway.


----------



## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Relationships are about honesty, if you can't give her what she wants then tell her up front so she can decide if she wants to stay with you.

Different things turn people on, that just happens to be her thing and while you are unable/ or don't want to do it then let her find someone more compatible. 

Sexual compatibility is just as important in a relationship. IMO


----------



## crocus (Apr 8, 2016)

I don't know.. I'm a confident in charge woman at work. At home...I don't want to be. I don't find it degrading or have any past issues. In fact, there is an aspect of "making her yours" that can be an act of bonding. Not always disrespectful. It's actually about making them respect you as the man. Hard to explain. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Personally as a woman that type of thing would not appeal to me at all. Of course I like my H taking control sometimes but I don't want to be degraded or humiliated, there is a line that imo opinion shouldn't be crossed. But everyone is different, in all honesty if you are not comfortable with it, tell her. You should be open and transparent about this, tell her.
I wonder where she gets this desire from? Sounds like you could dig a little deeper, something doesn't sound quite right?

Just talk to her in a non threatening way about it.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

This isn't something to be "changed" or "fixed". She's not broken. She's just kinky. Any attempt to "fix" or "change" her natural sexuality will result in making her feel as if her desires are "bad", "wrong", "unnatural" etc. and will do more harm than good.

As it stands, either she goes without her needs being met or you have to do things you're uncomfortable with. Unless you have a kinky side you've suppressed that you can tap into, I don't see a solution. You're simply sexually incompatible.


----------



## bullyisback (May 23, 2017)

crocus said:


> I don't know.. I'm a confident in charge woman at work. At home...I don't want to be. I don't find it degrading or have any past issues. In fact, there is an aspect of "making her yours" that can be an act of bonding. Not always disrespectful. It's actually about making them respect you as the man. Hard to explain.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


They will break up trust me. He is making her feel like street trash just because it turns her on to be aggressive. Hes shunning her from sex and I can read into it this dude aint had much experience. Sex is huge. I've been I. Sexless marriages and it always looking for an excuse to bounce. U need both emotional and physical touch. There are time me n my wife make love and there's sometimes she wants me to pull her hair choke her and com in her mouth. I'm going to please my wife. Trust me when we make love its passionate and very sensual. But I adapt to the mood. Sometimes in the car we get hot and I look at her n say. IM GOING TO **** THE **** OIT OF U... And it excites her. U don't want one speed. This is nonsense. Talk to each other instead of telling us your business. Like minded people u can't change emmm.. U was a conservative pride in my first marriage she wasn't so we ended up being divorced... Ill never do that with this one. Its my wife I'm not losing her and u cannot be in a marriage with what ifs... No I'm telling with us its til death do us part. I hate people who say yeah but what if it doesn't work. Why did u marry then ?? If u have. 1% doubt u should never marry.. My wife is over her laying next to me saying .... Yeah their ****ed.....lol

Sent from my LGLS676 using Tapatalk


----------



## AussieRN (Mar 28, 2013)

By giving her what she wants you ARE respecting her.
Respecting her needs.
Respecting her desires.
Respecting the trust she has shown you by telling you the above.

Have a talk with her about how you feel about it but reassure her that you'll do your level best to give her what she needs and wants.

If you don't want to make the effort to please her, or it weirds you out too much then it might be best to move on.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

AussieRN said:


> By giving her what she wants you ARE respecting her.
> Respecting her needs.
> Respecting her desires.
> Respecting the trust she has shown you by telling you the above.
> ...


Thank you very much for a brilliant input, very much appreciated. You have made me aware of something that I would've normally overlooked.

Again, thank you very much...

Regards,
Buxton.


----------



## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

Buxton said:


> Thank you very much for a brilliant input, very much appreciated. You have made me aware of something that I would've normally overlooked.
> 
> Again, thank you very much...
> 
> ...



If you are attracted and compatible to her in the other key areas, and you feel comfortable attempting to expand your "bedroom repertoire" to meet her needs, why not? 

You like her enough to seek advice here, and you sound as if you want the relationship to grow? Worst case, it doesn't work out with her...and/or you decide XXX language with a digital assault just is NOT your thing. That's ok too. If you discover she's got baggage beyond what you're able to deal with, get out quickly. 

On the plus side, you've challenged your comfort zones and this may in turn enhance your own sex life in ways you cannot appreciate if you don't try for a bit. But only if YOU want to try...good luck!


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

Don't Panic said:


> If you are attracted and compatible to her in the other key areas, and you feel comfortable attempting to expand your "bedroom repertoire" to meet her needs, why not?
> 
> You like her enough to seek advice here, and you sound as if you want the relationship to grow? Worst case, it doesn't work out with her...and/or you decide XXX language with a digital assault just is NOT your thing. That's ok too. If you discover she's got baggage beyond what you're able to deal with, get out quickly.
> 
> On the plus side, you've challenged your comfort zones and this may in turn enhance your own sex life in ways you cannot appreciate if you don't try for a bit. But only if YOU want to try...good luck!


Thank you very much for a very constructive input, very much appreciated. Yes, I do feel clingy towards her, and want to enjoy all of the aspects of our relationship.

I'm not overly against swearing to her during sex, but I just wanted some input as to why some women like this, as some are completely against it.

Once again, your input is definitely very constructive, thank you...

Regards.


----------



## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

Buxton said:


> Thank you very much for a very constructive input, very much appreciated. *Yes, I do feel clingy towards her,* and want to enjoy all of the aspects of our relationship.
> 
> I'm not overly against swearing to her during sex, but I just wanted some input as to why some women like this, as some are completely against it.
> 
> ...


Warning, "clingy" can be the kiss of death

To be transparent, I can't relate to the "rape fantasy" you described at all. Not my thing. But I DO enjoy ahem, "colorful & creative" language and role-play. > Why do I like this while other women are completely against it? Good question...if I weren't headed out the door to golf with my H of 23 years I really would attempt to answer this for you! 

You wondered earlier if she would change with love and kindness (I'm paraphrasing) I tend to think no. As @Satya mentioned, there may be some "baggage" here. Time will tell, you should be observant. Do not rationalize if things seem off. 
If sweet & loving sex is what you desire, understandable, but you will need to be honest with her and hopefully execute an arrangement that works for BOTH of you.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Change your perspective bro. Get out of your comfort zone.

Sex is in the mind. Maybe she likes everything about you but wants you to cut loose and "have your way with her" like a drunken sailor at port. That's not uncommon

Many reasons and it's not that she's broken.

I suspect you're younger than me (50s). A lot of younger guys have been overly feminized IMO in the sense that they've been taught to "respect" women at all costs. Unfortunately the interpretation leaves out much of what makes a man a man and this can cause problems later in a relationship.

Haven't read it but lots here recommend No More Mr Nice Guy to guys AFTER their relationship has fallen apart. Maybe take a look and get ahead of the curve if you recognize any traits from that book

Back to your girl. She may be excited by the thought of a guy so lustful for her that he DGAF and wantonly takes her. Could be she wants exciting sex but deep down thinks "good girls don't" and needs you to be the aggressor in order for her to do what she wants to do. It's very very common. Kind of the same thing when guys here want their wives to be sexually aggressive and initiate - it's about being wanted and lusted after

So give it a shot. Discard your notions of why a woman "should want" in regards to respect. She's told you so accommodate.

Find a scoundrel role model - many in film etc. Even Hugh Grant in what's her names diary was a complete womanizer. And chicks dig him.

So go there in your head and role play. Think of the nastiest things a cocky, womanizer would be thinking and say them. Embrace the part

If she digs it and you discard (in the bedroom) your own notions of what she should want you may be shocked to realize that letting your inner caveman out is liberating too


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

Don't Panic said:


> Warning, "clingy" can be the kiss of death
> 
> To be transparent, I can't relate to the "rape fantasy" you described at all. Not my thing. But I DO enjoy ahem, "colorful & creative" language and role-play. > Why do I like this while other women are completely against it? Good question...if I weren't headed out the door to golf with my H of 23 years I really would attempt to answer this for you!
> 
> ...


Thank you, I will bear in mind your advice. Thank you once again for your input and time...

Regards,
Buxton.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Change your perspective bro. Get out of your comfort zone.
> 
> Sex is in the mind. Maybe she likes everything about you but wants you to cut loose and "have your way with her" like a drunken sailor at port. That's not uncommon
> 
> ...


Hi,

Thank you for your time and input. I hear what you're saying, it does make sense. 

Regards,

Buxton.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> This isn't something to be "changed" or "fixed". She's not broken. She's just kinky. Any attempt to "fix" or "change" her natural sexuality will result in making her feel as if her desires are "bad", "wrong", "unnatural" etc. and will do more harm than good.
> 
> As it stands, either she goes without her needs being met or you have to do things you're uncomfortable with. Unless you have a kinky side you've suppressed that you can tap into, I don't see a solution. You're simply sexually incompatible.


Thank you for your input,

I hear what you're saying. I appreciate your thoughts...

Regards,

Buxton.


----------



## lisacolorado (May 2, 2017)

I submit that to her, those terms make it sound like you're super-excited by her. That might be the draw for her.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

lisacolorado said:


> I submit that to her, those terms make it sound like you're super-excited by her. That might be the draw for her.


Hi and thanks,

Drawn to her yes, but not for those reasons. I find her very physically attractive, she's homely, and she's loving...


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Buxton said:


> Thank you Satya, very well said. I have taken your advice on board. This is really very good, what you have just said. With regards to my relationship with her, may I contact you via private message first...?
> 
> Once again,
> 
> Thanks and regards.


 @Buxton, I'm glad it helped. My private messages are disabled. Nothing personal, but I don't communicate with any members outside of my postings.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

Satya said:


> @Buxton, I'm glad it helped. My private messages are disabled. Nothing personal, but I don't communicate with any members outside of my postings.


Thank you Satya, no worries regarding the private mail...

Regards...


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Buxton said:


> Thank you, I will bear in mind your advice. Thank you once again for your input and time...
> 
> Regards,
> Buxton.


For what it's worth, you seem to really care for this woman and I'm hoping you have a kinky side that can enjoy this kind of love play with her.

The reason I said that this can only work if you have a kinky side you can tap into is that, for a lot of us kinksters, our partner genuinely enjoying the activity can be very, very, important to our own overall satisfaction. For example, if I want to be dominated it is because being dominated makes me feel desired, safe, secure, and free to simply feel without thought. If my DH wasn't into being dominant, I wouldn't be able to feel desired, safe, and secure and it would be hard to turn off my mind. If I wanted to be the dominant, my DH being submissive to me wouldn't be nearly as fun and it would be a hard knock to my confidence as a lover if he weren't into it.

ETA: You might also want to talk to her about what else she finds appealing. Some women into this kind of play are also delighted by other kinky things as well. BDSM type stuff...being tied up, spanked, "forced" to do oral...that kind of thing. If you're deciding if the relationship should continue , you might want to know how far her desires go before committing to a path.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> For what it's worth, you seem to really care for this woman and I'm hoping you have a kinky side that can enjoy this kind of love play with her.
> 
> The reason I said that this can only work if you have a kinky side you can tap into is that, for a lot of us kinksters, our partner genuinely enjoying the activity can be very, very, important to our own overall satisfaction. For example, if I want to be dominated it is because being dominated makes me feel desired, safe, secure, and free to simply feel without thought. If my DH wasn't into being dominant, I wouldn't be able to feel desired, safe, and secure and it would be hard to turn off my mind. If I wanted to be the dominant, my DH being submissive to me wouldn't be nearly as fun and it would be a hard knock to my confidence as a lover if he weren't into it.
> 
> ETA: You might also want to talk to her about what else she finds appealing. Some women into this kind of play are also delighted by other kinky things as well. BDSM type stuff...being tied up, spanked, "forced" to do oral...that kind of thing. If you're deciding if the relationship should continue , you might want to know how far her desires go before committing to a path.


Thank you, yes I do care for her. She has many assets, personality wise. I'm sorry but I do draw the line with BDSM, but we both love to dress up in costumes for role play sex...

Regards,
Buxton.


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I have no idea if verbal cues to excite sexual response can change much over time.

I have read up a lot on Sado-Masochism, and the general consensus is therapy will not change it. The inclination to find it sexually exciting doesn't seem to change much over time. Some researchers are even looking into the idea it may be related to biology, and something to do with nerve structure in the brain, or some such silly stuff.

Sexual arousal is complicated. If something works, generally the idea is why try to mess with it as long as it doesn't hurt other people.

As was pointed out at least she told you about it, instead of letting you struggle along for years trying to turn her on and failing to do so.

My wife needs to be Dominated, and also is a Masochist. She told me she needed to be Dominated, but she couldn't bring herself to tell me about needing to be spanked, and some other fairly mild pain play. It caused problems which could have been avoided if she had just communicated with me.

My wife is a special snowflake, all kinda crazy, and has gone through a lot of hell and a lot of therapy, and her BDSM wasn't of any interest to any of her shrinks. Their take on it was it's all pretty mild, and she loves it, so go with it. I got lectured for not manning up enough, by one of her shrinks! It would have helped if Mary had ever talked to me, but hey, life is a roller coaster.

Do her thing, get her going, then do your thing. That's my suggestion. It makes sex last longer, and what could be wrong with that?


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Well, I suspect your girlfriend may actually like BDSM. So if you draw the line at BDSM, and won't participate in that, then you need to speak with her and end the relationship sooner rather than later.


----------



## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

Agree with William here. She is most likely into being dominated in the bedroom. U aren't disrespecting her if u do this. Men r taught to always be respectful to women, and this may feel uncomfortable to u because u feel this violates that. It's not serious, u don't actually think she's these things and she knows that. She doesn't really want to be viewed as these things outside the bedroom, but dirty talk turns her on. U have to look inside yourself and come to the conclusion of whether or not u can separate in and out of the bedroom and please her this way. Be honest if u can't, but tread lightly, u don't want to make her feel like there is something wrong with her. There isn't, some of us like sex on the rougher side 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

And consider this: If you find a way to have fun with this, and accept her as your girlfriend, you keep her safe from men who would actually degrade her.


----------



## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Buxton said:


> Hi,
> 
> I met a very attractive woman recently. We got on really well, connecting like real soul mates. After a few dates we decided to get more intimate. The sex was really amazing. We were both overwhelmed by the whole experience. As time has gone by, her behaviour in bed is something that has prompted me to seek advice on this forum, especially from females, if possible.
> 
> ...



Your lady is into kink. There is nothing wrong with this. She gets off on being told that she's a **** and a *****, whatever...it doesn't mean that she doesn't respect herself, it is merely a facet of the sexual universe that is out there.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There is nothing wrong with enjoying kinky fun - BUT - not everyone enjoys it, and people's taste in kink vary a lot.

I don't see anything wrong with someone who wants to be verbally degraced in bed - but its not something I would enjoy doing, so I would not be a good match for them. 

I think (hope) most kinky people understand that kinks vary, and there is nothing wrong or insulting in telling someone that they don't share that particular kink.

YKIOK


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

introvert said:


> Your lady is into kink. There is nothing wrong with this. She gets off on being told that she's a **** and a *****, whatever...it doesn't mean that she doesn't respect herself, it is merely a facet of the sexual universe that is out there.


Thank you for your reply. I hear what you're saying...


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

uhtred said:


> There is nothing wrong with enjoying kinky fun - BUT - not everyone enjoys it, and people's taste in kink vary a lot.
> 
> I don't see anything wrong with someone who wants to be verbally degraced in bed - but its not something I would enjoy doing, so I would not be a good match for them.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your reply, very much appreciated. Incidentally, she's a very strong and confident woman, but totally the opposite in bed...


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't think having bedroom desires that are the opposite of one's normal personality are at all unusual. There is at least a myth that strong executive types who spend a lot of their time being in charge enjoy being submissive in bed. Part of the fantasy is NOT needing to be in charge.

Of course they need to find partners who enjoy that sort of play



Buxton said:


> Thank you for your reply, very much appreciated. Incidentally, she's a very strong and confident woman, but totally the opposite in bed...


----------



## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

uhtred said:


> I don't think having bedroom desires that are the opposite of one's normal personality are at all unusual. There is at least a myth that strong executive types who spend a lot of their time being in charge enjoy being submissive in bed. Part of the fantasy is NOT needing to be in charge.
> 
> Of course they need to find partners who enjoy that sort of play



I have found this to be true. I dated a CEO of a multinational company. Outside the bedroom very take charge. Inside he wanted to be dominated. Outside the bedroom he didnt curse, didnt smoke or drink. Inside the bedroom he was kinky and loved dirty talk.


----------



## Buxton (May 28, 2017)

uhtred said:


> I don't think having bedroom desires that are the opposite of one's normal personality are at all unusual. There is at least a myth that strong executive types who spend a lot of their time being in charge enjoy being submissive in bed. Part of the fantasy is NOT needing to be in charge.
> 
> Of course they need to find partners who enjoy that sort of play


Thank you for your reply. Yes, I have heard that before. I also read somewhere that strong women like to be submissive in the bedroom, where they fantasise about being roughed up. In this particular scenario, the woman is with a man with someone she can trust, knowing full well that he would never hurt her in reality...

Regards,

Buxton.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't think any of those personality stereotypes are as widely true. Sex means different things to different people. Dominating or submitting can be about giving up control, getting control, getting pleasure by pleasing, trust, passion, creativity, or just kinky fun.

To me being dominated during sex means uncontrolled passion, not *********gery. Passivity means lack of passion. So a passive partner would totally turn me off. There is a way to be a submissive partner without being passive about it.

I am the only one of my friends who likes being dominated in bed and we are all very strong women.


----------

