# Husband, Facebook and Old "Friend"



## dragonfli (Apr 10, 2012)

Long story short, my husband had an emotional affair with a girl he picked up in a bar in April 2012, he also asked me for a divorce. In June he decided to work it out and we have been working at it going to counselling since. My biggest issue has been trusting him and transparency. 
Skip to today.
My husband admitted to me a couple of years ago that he and an old high school friend had traded some xxx pictures. Her husband supposedly found out and made her remove my husband from her facebook. 
I have no idea if they have talked since. Today I happened to stumble upon message from her saying that she wanted to add him to her facebook again but if her husband found out that he would be upset. She gave reference to "about what happen a few years ago". I don't know what my husbands response was to her, but I know he messaged her back.
I emailed her telling her I was so and so's wife and asked why her husband would be upset if she added him. She didn't know that I knew about the pics and I wanted to see if she would tell me if something more(then just the pics) had happened. I told her that if she didn't respond honestly that I could always contact her husband to find out.
Well, she flew off the handle on me saying that a couple yrs ago she was having problems she confided in my husband for advice, but it escalated to "Harmless Flirting". They then decided that they would not continue as someone might get hurt. She said that she also didn't appreciate me threatening her and trying to ruin her family.
I emailed her back saying that I knew about the XXX pictures and that I did not see that as harmless flirting and I didn't think her husband would either. I also said that it was pretty brave of her to accuse me of trying to ruin her family when she was the one sending MY husband pictures of her p***y.
So she emails my husband asking why his snoopy, jealous wife was sending her threatening emails.
He is working away right now and I haven't heard from him. 
I am still trying to figure out how to deal with him and what to say when he gets her email about me threatening her. I am mad that he did not tell me that she messaged him and mad that he messaged her back, even though it may have been innocent.

Did I do the right thing by emailing her? Or have I blown this out of proportion?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Emailing her has tipped your hand. Your husband now knows you are onto what he is doing, which sounds to me like still cheating on you.

What has he done to prove to you that he deserves your trust?? Do you have all his email passwords, access to bank accounts and credit card statements? His phone records? His computer? Does he willingly give you access to all these things? How has he addressed what he's done? Is he truly remorseful?

Your first mistake was sweeping what he did a couple of years ago under the rug. He now has your permission to carry on in secret. Which he is apparently doing, because he has since cheated on you again.

How you deal with him is that you tell him to write a no contact letter to this 'friend', with you as witness. He must NEVER speak to her again. He also shows you what he messaged her back. And he also proves no contact with the bar chick.

Has he been STD tested and shown you the results in writing?

If he won't do this you kick his cheating ass to the curb.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Only time will tell if you did the right thing. I would contact her husband and tell him his wife is in contact with your husband and you do not like it.


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## WhatASituation (Sep 27, 2012)

You absolutely have the right to do so! I see nothing wrong with your actions. Now it's up to you to decide whether you can live with this or not.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I cannot get over the gall of some of these women..to get all angry at the wife and call her a snoopy jealous wife..ummmm...yeah ***** stay away from my husband. How much do you want to bet if her husband was doing something behind her back she would be all devestated...funny how that works!


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

I would contact her husband and show him the exchange between you two - her blowing up and calling you snoopy. You have every right to reveal this to her husband. She is trying to take over your husband. Do it now. As I have read many times on here, your marriage can survive an angry spouse. It can't survive another woman/man.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You need to tell her husband about all of this ASAP.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

There was no problem in what you did as long as you follow through an contact ow husband because they will try to use another means of communication.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Good job, Dragonfli. There is nothing wrong with protecting your marriage and family. 

Now, tell this woman's husband, and send him a copy of your messages with her. *Do it today*.

Hopefully he will be man enough to stop things on that end. 

Next, you need to confront your husband about this and demand permanent, no contact with her. 

You also need to address his desire for validation from other women (picking up a girl in a bar April 2012), or this crap will keep happening.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

dragonfli said:


> I am still trying to figure out how to deal with him and what to say when he gets her email about me threatening her. I am mad that he did not tell me that she messaged him and mad that he messaged her back, even though it may have been innocent.
> 
> Did I do the right thing by emailing her? Or have I blown this out of proportion?


Lose the defeatist attitude. Don't blame yourself for trying to save your marriage. He is trying to reconnect with a person he traded XXX pictures with and you feel it might be out of proportion? NO WAY!!! 

You are in reconciliation and he should have came to you THE MINUTE she tried to reconnect. IMO, you should be mad. I do not care if he says "Well, I told her no.." Nope. He should have contacted you first and then you BOTH, together, write a response where you see what he sends and you approve. Don't let him blameshift about a ruined marriage or a threat. They should have thought about that when your marriage was okay and hers was screwed up.

I always love the hypocrisy inherent in cheaters. It is okay for a cheater to ruin your marriage, but you are an A-hole if your ruin theirs through proper actions. How dare it be their fault for engaging in deception. 

Informing is not on the same level as cheating in any way, shape or form. If the WS doesn't cheat, there is no information available to "ruin" the marriage in that fashion.


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