# In the Office



## Julieann (Nov 22, 2011)

I worked in a small office for several years and recently quit to return to college. It was a small office and I worked there for 8 years. After my departure, I continued my friendship with everyone. One day I met up with the office manager of the company. We had only one drink, started to talk "old" shop, and she dropped a bomb on me. She said that she has had sex several times with the "Boss", owner of the company. She also said she hates it, doesn't want it to happen. I ofcourse asked then, why do you do it? (they are both married). She broke down and said she honestly tried to say no and he became forceful. Not to the point he was hurting her, but she felt she was so stunned, confused. She also said it started to happen more frequently and she just felt discusted, but knew if she told her husband or her boss's wife, no one would believe her side of the story. She also told me that there seems to be no emotion with it at all. There is no time spent together or plans to be together. I can't believe I just heard this. The biggest part is, I am good friends with the Boss's wife as well. Actually even better friends then with her. I don't know what to do or why she told me. Why do men do this? and why did she give in? And what the heck do I do with this informaiton I never asked for?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

This does not make sense. She is afraid to tell her husband or the boss's wife because she thinks nobody would believe her. She therefore continues to have sex with the boss whenever he likes betraying her husband and her marriage. This simply does not make sense. She should tell her husband and then it would stop because he would contact the boss. She could also contact human resources and file a complaint. If I were her husband I would be disgusted she allowed it to continue without saying anything.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

She telling you because she needs help. She needs a workplace lawyer right now. She needs to document everything. If it appears in any way that it's consensual, she's done. 

She needs to tell her husband what's going on. Everything. he will learn it eventually. Better to confess and end it now. Then she needs to tell the wife of the boss. She has a right to know what's going on.

It's going to be a mess even if she does nothing right now. Help her do the right thing.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

bryanp said:


> This does not make sense. She is afraid to tell her husband or the boss's wife because she thinks nobody would believe her. She therefore continues to have sex with the boss whenever he likes betraying her husband and her marriage. This simply does not make sense. She should tell her husband and then it would stop because he would contact the boss. She could also contact human resources and file a complaint. If I were her husband I would be disgusted she allowed it to continue without saying anything.


Sadly it does make some sense, often these types of bosses/employers are predators and will groom an employee for years, emotionally breaking them down, until they finally succumb to the pressure of it all. I was in a similar situation in which my boss slowly groomed me for 5 years before he kissed me and touched me somewhere he shouldn't. I quit the next day. 

I made a complaint to my professional society and their response was "it is a he said, she said situation", that they would "provide him with a lawyer at no cost to him" and I would be "black listed and loose my career". My response..."If I'm going down, he's going down with me".

It took me awhile to get over the whole situation and I needed some IC.

This woman is going to need some evidence at this point supporting her position, such as an email or a recording of her being pressured to continue the A. As well as a lot of support and counseling. I wouldn't recommend her telling her husband without the evidence and/or without having some IC to help with the disclosure.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Agree with lawyer up and getting evidence in place before exposing.


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## Julieann (Nov 22, 2011)

I really got the feeling she was reaching out in a way. She know's I could talk to her Boss's wife, even though she said, "please don't tell anyone". I really got the feeling she truly doesn't want this to continue, but feels since she didn't just run out screaming that she is certainly at fault too. She said it makes her sick each and every day. I had no idea what to say. I didn't ask alot of questions because I really wish I didn't know any of it. Being in this situation sucks.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Oh bull****.

If she didn`t want this to continue she could simply say stop.

This is a grown woman and please don`t give me that employer intimidation crap.

She`s having sex with the boss opened her mouth and is trying to justify it to herself and the OP by saying "She doesn`t want it but he was soooo forceful".

That`s crap, she`s having an affair and she`s a willing participant.


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## Julieann (Nov 22, 2011)

I'm trying to wrap my head around this whole thing. But none of it makes sense. She is not at all acting like she enjoys any of it, and isn't gaining anything from it either. I'm leaning toward maybe telling the wife, but still not sure. Or perhaps I'll just ignore and hope it doesn't get brought up again...


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Collect her evidence first, if her position is that she was forced.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Oh bull****.
> 
> If she didn`t want this to continue she could simply say stop.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Either its consensual or non consensual, there is no middle ground. If she's coerced, then its not consensual and is a criminal matter, should be reported to the authorities, and at the minimum, boss is opened up for a huge lawsuit that will ruin the company. Unless its an affair and the boss has proof that shes a willing sex partner. She must be mad at him for something, probably not satisfied witht he gifts or compensation that he's giving her. Boss is a dirtbag himself to risk his marriage and his company over some office manager.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

HerToo said:


> She telling you because she needs help. She needs a workplace lawyer right now. She needs to document everything. If it appears in any way that it's consensual, she's done.


That's why she won't report it because she knows its consensual.


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## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

Tell her to VAR up (voice activated recorder). Of course, check the laws where you are but at least if she had some of their conversations recorded, it wouldn't be such a he said-she said situation. 

But like I said, I don't know the legality of doing that but if someone I cared about was in an actual situation like that, I wouldn't care about the legality anyway.


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## I_Will_Survive (Oct 28, 2011)

Absolutely you should help her. Suggest she contact an employment lawyer who can advise her. Many places allow things like VAR and even video recording as long as one of the participants (your friend) knows. Then she has proof and a hell of a lawsuit. Because she allowed it on occasion before, her husband may have big problems, but possibly can come to understand the psychological abuse she has undergone.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Send anonymous letters to both her H., and the Boss's wife----explain what has been going on---don't say how you found out---just give them the info,

Let the chips fall where they may.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Send anonymous letters to both her H., and the Boss's wife----explain what has been going on---don't say how you found out---just give them the info,
> 
> Let the chips fall where they may.


As a "Boss" myself I have to ad to this that I steadfastly ignore anything from an annonomous source. People have too many axes to grind. Personally I have never had an accusation from an annonomous source pan out to be true. If this course is taken it could be counter productive and make your friend appear as if she sent the email in some effort to extort the boss or the company. Alternately it could set up to discredit her that it really happened if the boss starts to defend himself by saying its an unknown crazy employee making it up. 

She's got a problem now as her allowing it to happen multiple times goes a long way toward making it appear that it was consensual and she's just having an attack of conscience now. Without rock solid proof that it's not consensual any legal effort is going to be very messy for both of them. She needs to think carefully before she moves in that direction, that genie can't be put back in the bottle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Or she is putting out small alibi's in case she gets caught by hubby and then has X Y and Z she call pull out who will say she was coerced and didn't want to do it but was "Afraid"


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Julieann said:


> I really got the feeling she was reaching out in a way. She know's I could talk to her Boss's wife, even though she said, "please don't tell anyone". I really got the feeling she truly doesn't want this to continue, but feels since she didn't just run out screaming that she is certainly at fault too. She said it makes her sick each and every day. I had no idea what to say. I didn't ask alot of questions because I really wish I didn't know any of it. Being in this situation sucks.


So she is exposing her husband to STDs and giving him a false impression that she is faithful wife while fvcking her boss? How much sympathy this would garnish if the genders were reversed?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

There is also the fact that she is a manager - someone who is supposed to be able to handle stress and responsibility, yet she talks like she's a junior intern.

Sounds a little "woe is me" justification going on here. 

So either she goes to a lawyer and ends it - or she blows it out of the water with the the OMW. 

but if she sleeps with him one more time, then she is accepting of it. Sorry to seem harsh, but she has tools and choices here. She is an adult, and simply continuing to cheat is means she isn't the victim, but a participant by choice.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Sounds like she wants to sleep with you ;~)


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