# Please help



## jlondon (Feb 24, 2009)

I need your help. Please be candid, I am lost in mind and heart.

A brief background:
I have been married for 11 years. I have a beautiful child that is 4 years old that love me to death. The child’s wispy blond hair is playful and adorable. My marriage not been exactly text book fairy tale, and I remember more annoyances with the spouse than I did than happier times, but there were some happy moments no doubt. 

I got married only because it was convenient at the time and as you can tell, I was never too afraid of commitment. Also, I was young and straight out of college. I don’t want to make excuses, I just need to confess and make get input which I hope may help which direction I take my life and the impact it would make to the people involved.

I have an unusual marriage arrangement, describing it may reveal too much info that may lead to my identity being revealed. I prefer this to remain anonymous - Please accept my apologies for any vagueness and some fictionalized events in my description.

Several years ago, my spouse and child moved away to another state. I gave her permission (state requirement) to travel with my child alone and I remained here for work and other financial commitments. 

Recently, I met someone. And I have deep feelings for this person. We had, continue to have a sexual relationship. I know this person loves me. I was up front with this person (about my marriage, child, them moving away etc). I am not really in a trial separation, but I am thinking of dissolving it, but I cannot stand the thought of my son growing up with a weekend dad. I did, and I despised my dad (even now). Actually, right now I only get to see my child every 3 months at best. Knowing that he loves me is enough for me to endure the lengthy intermissions.

The feelings for my spouse has become platonic, and very much a companionship-like relationship. The spouse is a good person generally and more importantly, a good parent – I cannot deny that, the move was for the child’s best interest because the environment in the new place will help to be more culturally exposed and opportunities more available. Although, the spouse is happy there, I am not happy here alone. I have felt extreme loneliness not having been on my own before. Of course, technology keeps us all connected, but it is not a substitute to being a family. 

Now that I have met this person, I feel happy, young, energized and ready for a new life to begin. I thinking to of coming clean to spouse as I know the truth is deserved. All I think about is the path my child will be forced to live through – much like mine. I do not want that for the child. 

Please help, I am confused, disappointed in myself that I am lying to the spouse, worried about my child, and concerned about the feelings of my new person.


----------



## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

maybe your spouse needs to move back home and then you can decide if you want to new girl still. i think it would be unfair for you to divorce now. your mind is clouded by the separation, out of sight out of mind thing, have her move back home as soon as possible and go back to being a married couple with a child. Then if you dont think she can give you what you want, as the new girl has done, you can make your decision based on facts and not fantasy.


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

ok please let me know if there are many fairytale marriages. ive got an ex and did marry again (ok no more) but fact here is you have to work on a marriage.
absence in your case with your spouse seems to have caused less heart fondness.
but the affair - is that , an affair. 
your on a fantasy trip , everything is new as you said , you feel fresh etc. if you really have chemistry with her, then you would move on in life with her. if you really felt that you could have a life with her.
but you do find the mistresses, have there own little quirks to as the relationship develops, the fantasy days become factual days. 
a suggestion , talk to your wife about reconnecting with eachother.
after all she is the one that married you and vice versa.
maybe you could get back on track.
fall back in love. 
do things for the right reasons, not for the wrong reasons.


----------

