# Does he like me? how to approach him?



## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

*He looks at me quite a lot?*

hi guys... So I need some advice here.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

hi guys... So I need some advice here. Posted this in GD (everyone is looking) but nobody is responding.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

isabelseyler said:


> hi guys... So I need some advice here. Posted this in GD (everyone is looking) but nobody is responding.


There are always many time more people who look a thread than who respond to a thread. YOu need to give it time. 

I'm going to combine your threads because we only want one thread per topic. You will get better responses that way.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> There are always many time more people who look a thread than who respond to a thread. YOu need to give it time.
> 
> I'm going to combine your threads because we only want one thread per topic. You will get better responses that way.


ok thank you


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It does sound like he might be interested in you. If he is, he will approach you. 

If you want to let him know that you are interested, just smile to him when the next time you catch him looking at you. After he catches the smile, look away. That will give him the ok to approach you.

Keep in mind that he might be married or engaged. So he might find you attractive but not want to act on it because of is status.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> It does sound like he might be interested in you. If he is, he will approach you.
> 
> If you want to let him know that you are interested, just smile to him when the next time you catch him looking at you. After he catches the smile, look away. That will give him the ok to approach you.
> 
> Keep in mind that he might be married or engaged. So he might find you attractive but not want to act on it because of is status.


I find it so difficult to smile at him since he always has such a serious expression on his face when he looks at me. I tried to do so today but the way he was gazing into me, I just couldn't do it. He isn't married or engaged though.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How do you know that he is not married or engaged?


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How do you know that he is not married or engaged?


He had this advertisement form put up in the students centre for a flat mate. In which he wrote his address, his martial status, the institution he goes to and the amenities available in his flat.

He was putting that up last week right after I saw him.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Lol,

Wow you are really anlyazing his every move! 

Yea he thinks your attractive,cute,hot appealing to the eye. But he doesn't have the stones to approach you yet.my best advice is be plesent smile when he looks your way . 

Or just walk up and say I see you checking me out are you going to make a move or not? Then walk away!

Good luck


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

He's obviously attracted to you. 

You've smiled back, which should be all the encouragement he needs. 

The fact that he hasn't approached you yet, given that you're obviously both attracted to each other is a bit spooky. Not in a weird way, just in a way that makes me think he lacks confidence, which is not generally attractive in a man. 

The longer the glances and smiles go on without actual contact, the less likely contact is or if it happens, the more likely it is to be painfully awkward. 

You may need to initiate. Next time you're out in the quad, have a cup of coffee in one hand. Approach him, hand him one of the cups and say "My name's Isabel. Let's chat." Take a sip from your cup to give him a chance to gather himself, and see how he responds.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You can't know for sure, but its possible that he is attracted to you but is shy about saying anything. There are some extremely nice guys who are just shy around women - but once you break the ice would be great. 

Find an excuse to ask him to join you for coffee. Ask him to join if he walks by your table. I know its tough, but just ask him. 

If he turns you down - honestly it isn't the end of the world. There isn't a guy in a hundred who minds having a pretty woman invite him for coffee. 

If he is married, or not interested - he almost certainly will find a polite way to decline, or have coffee but steer the conversation to be formal. That's fine, no loss, you will know that for whatever reason he doesn't want any sort of relationship. 

If he is interested, your taking the first step will make him comfortable asking for anther date. 


I was very shy when I was growing up. Its only as I got older that I finally realized that there is no harm in politely asking. As long as you leave the other person a polite way to decline, and understand that being turned down isn't a horrible reflection on *you*, then there is nothing lost. 

I would have been so much happier in high school and college if I had just managed to convince myself of what I just wrote.


You future self will smack you upside the head if you don't approach him.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

Honestly I think you'll have to ambush him or meet him head on. Too much time in front of electronic devices has resulted in guys unable / unskilled at approaching girls.

A clever girl will initiate but make it appear as though the guy is initiating. Like accidentally leave a book or folder behind with your number on it (have a friend discretely watching it), or literally bump into him. You could even call the number, tell him you might have a friend interested in the flat, and just want to see if it's still available - then tell him you're the girl that saw him at xyz... 


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

Just channel your future self... all the women I know have no problems letting their husbands know exactly what they want them to do 


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

You don't even need tricks. 

Would anyone (who isn't wearing a wedding ring) be offended or react badly to a girl asking "I saw you at XYZ, would you like to get a coffee?". 

You might get "sure!". (yes)
or
"I'm really busy but could we do it tomorrow?" (yes)
or
"sorry, I'd love to but I have to run". (no)







TheTruthHurts said:


> Honestly I think you'll have to ambush him or meet him head on. Too much time in front of electronic devices has resulted in guys unable / unskilled at approaching girls.
> 
> A clever girl will initiate but make it appear as though the guy is initiating. Like accidentally leave a book or folder behind with your number on it (have a friend discretely watching it), or literally bump into him. You could even call the number, tell him you might have a friend interested in the flat, and just want to see if it's still available - then tell him you're the girl that saw him at xyz...
> 
> ...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*



uhtred said:


> You don't even need tricks.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Except all the girls I know won't directly ask a guy out. I've polled all of my nieces and many other young women.


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## lisacolorado (May 2, 2017)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

Think of other things as much as you can. Let him pursue.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*



TheTruthHurts said:


> Except all the girls I know won't directly ask a guy out. I've polled all of my nieces and many other young women.


Would you mind sharing what country you live in? This could make a difference on what is acceptable for you to approach him.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

I know. Its just so unfortunate. The cost of asking is so low, and the potential benefit is so high. 

My belief is that there are a lot of very nice shy people out there. They are unattached because of their shyness. 

I don't know why people are so strongly socialized against just asking someone. 






TheTruthHurts said:


> Except all the girls I know won't directly ask a guy out. I've polled all of my nieces and many other young women.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*



uhtred said:


> I know. Its just so unfortunate. The cost of asking is so low, and the potential benefit is so high.
> 
> My belief is that there are a lot of very nice shy people out there. They are unattached because of their shyness.
> 
> I don't know why people are so strongly socialized against just asking someone.


isabelseyler seems to also be very shy. This is what happens when two people are shy.

I also get the impression that isabelseyler is from a very conservative culture that would frown on a woman approaching man. isabelseyler can correct me on this if I'm wrong. But social pressure is very strong against women being forward in some cultures.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lisa,

Since you seem too shy to approach him, maybe you could use an old fashion ploy. Walk near where he is and 'accidently' drop all you books. If he's interested in you he will most likely help you pick them up. Then you can just start talking to him and the ice will be broken.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*



uhtred said:


> I know. Its just so unfortunate. The cost of asking is so low, and the potential benefit is so high.
> 
> My belief is that there are a lot of very nice shy people out there. They are unattached because of their shyness.
> 
> I don't know why people are so strongly socialized against just asking someone.


I don't think it's socialization as much as innate fear of rejection.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> TheTruthHurts said:
> 
> 
> > Except all the girls I know won't directly ask a guy out. I've polled all of my nieces and many other young women.
> ...



I am currently living in Manchester. I am Italian and I think he's either Canadian or American because he's accent isnt British. He doesn't sound British but I maybe wrong since English people speak in a variety of different accents


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> He's obviously attracted to you.
> 
> You've smiled back, which should be all the encouragement he needs.
> 
> ...


Hey hi. I just wanted to clarify that I haven't smiled back at him. He's always looking so seriously at me that I have been unable to smile. Especially yesterday. He gave me such a piercing look that I lost all courage to smile at him.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

I am not sure if this could be one of the reasons he feels shy to approach but I am 25 by age but nearly everyone here says I look much younger than my age. A classmate even said she thought I was a teenager and she did not expect me to be 25. Could it be that he also thinks that way and thinks I am too young (when I am not) so he is having trouble to talk?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

isabelseyler said:


> I am not sure if this could be one of the reasons he feels shy to approach but I am 25 by age but nearly everyone here says I look much younger than my age. A classmate even said she thought I was a teenager and she did not expect me to be 25. Could it be that he also thinks that way and thinks I am too young (when I am not) so he is having trouble to talk?




Yes. SMILE damn it! 


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

isabelseyler said:


> hi guys... So I need some advice here. Posted this in GD (everyone is looking) but nobody is responding.


A university is a great place to meet people... If you want to engage him more, there's lots of topics. Reasons to meet, likewise. Places to go... You get the idea.

The intense look? Is he into the liberal arts? Humanities? We soft science / liberal arts types were always on the aloof side, compared with engineering or hard science types...


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

john117 said:


> A university is a great place to meet people... If you want to engage him more, there's lots of topics. Reasons to meet, likewise. Places to go... You get the idea.
> 
> The intense look? Is he into the liberal arts? Humanities? We soft science / liberal arts types were always on the aloof side, compared with engineering or hard science types...


from what I have perceived, he seems very politically charged and he's extremely into activism so I think he's into social sciences/humanities like political studies..


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Simply smile, @isabelseyler ~ then ask him, calling him by his first name, "Hey _______, do you like what you're seeing, as much as I like what I see?" and then ask him if he's available for coffee or lunch! 

I cannot help but believe that he'd be absolutely flattered by such a gesture!

You'll never really know until you try!*


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Just a thought. Do you really want a guy who is too shy and not confident to ask you out?

you gave him eyes and he gave you eyes now if hes worth his weight in salt he will ask you out.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

This is 2017 not 1817. Walk up to him,say hello and ask him would he like to get a coffee or go for a drink with you. The worst that can happen is he says no,then you are exactly where you are now except you know where you stand.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Guess all you want about this, OP. It'll just be guesswork until he makes a move, if you rely on gender norms. He might be interested, or maybe not.

As a man, I can attest to how annoying guesswork is during dating. All of the energy spent in discovering what people feel, as suggested by a person's behavior, is perhaps better spent elsewhere. If only people would be direct with one another...

If you're interested, make a move. You being the woman and this not being the norm both seem irrelevant here.

However, I would advise learning more about this guy before making contact, should you decide to proceed. Any man with a 'man bun' seems dubious to me, but I fear that's my own biases talking.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I bought my niece 2 books during college on flirting and getting a man to like you. Only an uncle can get by with that . She read cover to cover.

She is a beautiful girl but when I asked if she knew how to flirt she was shy and said no. That was a surprise because her mom had been an expert - smiling, giggling at silly jokes, eye contact, etc

I shipped the books to her via amazon. 

She still didn't date much but eventually found a nice accounting student and they're together a few years now.

You're here to seek help, and you've said you are even too afraid to bat your eyes and smile at this guy. So all the advice to boldly ask him out, while well intentioned, seems a bit extreme in your case (at this point)

Get a book or google how to flirt. It's a very important skill. I'm a natural flirt but I wasn't at your age either, and in general I was too timid (though I did change during college). I probably changed as girls showed me the signs we are talking about which made it "safe" enough for me to approach. You have to "invite" attention by flirting, eye contact, smiling, etc. (You never have to invite the jerks who think they are gods gift to women but most girls I knew didn't want attention from those guys).

It's hard to tell from your posts, but it's possible he's intently staring, looking for a signal that it's ok to approach. Maybe he sees you looking, but when he looks up you look away? If that's what's happening, he may be respecting your signals - by averting your eyes he could be reading a big stop sign.

It depends what type of guy you want. Some like take charge guys, but others like guys that are a little more reserved. But as you date more you'll find out what type of guy you want.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

My wife's first impression of me was I looked way too serious too. 

She has a beautiful smile. She smiled at me. I was a stranger in a new country and was there 7 months before we met. I did notice her smile. She was always so cheerful and positive whenever I saw her. I found myself wanting to be around her. 

We married 4 years later. 

Show him some shy happy confidence. A smile is an international language. He will see this.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Dannip said:


> My wife's first impression of me was I looked way too serious too.
> 
> She has a beautiful smile. She smiled at me. I was a stranger in a new country I was there 7 months before we met. I did notice her smile. She was always so cheerful and positive whenever I saw her. I found myself wanting to be around her.
> 
> ...




That's a really good point. My W held the door for me when I moved into my dorm and I smiled at her and she remembered that. Then mid-semester I sat next to her in the cafeteria for dinner in a group after a soccer game... She remembers exactly what I ordered but didn't even touch (just played sports) but was too shy to talk or probably even smile. Then at the very end of the semester her dorm floor had a party with my dorm floor (girls and guys had separate dorms) and she only went in case she met me. We pulled names out of a hat and were paired up. At the end of the night I didn't want to miss the chance so I asked her out. 35 years ago.

It started with a smile - seriously.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Just a thought. Do you really want a guy who is too shy and not confident to ask you out?
> 
> you gave him eyes and he gave you eyes now if hes worth his weight in salt he will ask you out.


I am not sure if he's shy because he's so vocal and confident during these protestations and he's really like a leader. 

What I didn't understand is when he sees me and if his friends are around, then they look at me as I pass by. Today i didn't notice him standing at the steps until his friend had dropped a large book and I turned to see and saw him talking to his friend who looked at me too. Now I don't know if he tells his friend about me but this is the second time I saw him speak with a friend and his friend look at me.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Dannip said:


> My wife's first impression of me was I looked way too serious too.
> 
> She has a beautiful smile. She smiled at me. I was a stranger in a new country I was there 7 months before we met. I did notice her smile. She was always so cheerful and positive whenever I saw her. I found myself wanting to be around her.
> 
> ...


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

isabelseyler said:


> Dannip said:
> 
> 
> > My wife's first impression of me was I looked way too serious too.
> ...


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

chillymorn69 said:


> Just a thought. Do you really want a guy who is too shy and not confident to ask you out?
> 
> you gave him eyes and he gave you eyes now if hes worth his weight in salt he will ask you out.


That could have been me throughout college. At the same time, I was a leader in class, loves giving presentations, a college basketball player, and in a successful rock band. Don't be so judgmental about college guys too shy to walk up to a woman and ask her out.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

Ask him if he likes Premiata Forneria Marconi 😎. If he's never heard of them don't bother.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> It's hard to tell from your posts, but it's possible he's intently staring, looking for a signal that it's ok to approach. Maybe he sees you looking, but when he looks up you look away? If that's what's happening, he may be respecting your signals - by averting your eyes he could be reading a big stop sign.


This was my thought too. A smile can go a long, long way in bringing people together!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

He could be shy around women. I was when I was young.

Smile, say "hi". Make it easy for him. 


Just think how much you will kick yourself if some other woman approaches him first.....

If he doesn't respond in a positive way, that's fine. No reflection on you - he may already be in a relationship. 




isabelseyler said:


> I am not sure if he's shy because he's so vocal and confident during these protestations and he's really like a leader.
> 
> What I didn't understand is when he sees me and if his friends are around, then they look at me as I pass by. Today i didn't notice him standing at the steps until his friend had dropped a large book and I turned to see and saw him talking to his friend who looked at me too. Now I don't know if he tells his friend about me but this is the second time I saw him speak with a friend and his friend look at me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

isabelseyler said:


> I am not sure if he's shy because he's so vocal and confident during these protestations and he's really like a leader.
> 
> What I didn't understand is when he sees me and if his friends are around, then they look at me as I pass by. Today i didn't notice him standing at the steps until his friend had dropped a large book and I turned to see and saw him talking to his friend who looked at me too. Now I don't know if he tells his friend about me but this is the second time I saw him speak with a friend and his friend look at me.


His friend dropped a big book? LOL

Sounds like they wanted your attention so one of them dropped a book. I told you that works.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

isabelseyler said:


> I am currently living in Manchester. I am Italian and I think he's either Canadian or American because he's accent isnt British. He doesn't sound British but I maybe wrong since English people speak in a variety of different accents


My mom's Italian. I lived in Italy for years. You live in the UK. So your reluctance to engage him is not cultural.

Start with a smile.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

OP, you kind of lost me at "man bun" but to each her own!

As most are suggesting, you should start small. Eye contact is the first, sometimes most potent form of communication. Practice holding gaze and smile.
The only way you will gain confidence is by practicing and preparing for awkwardness. Most people feel awkward in social situations, they've just learned to hide it well or brush it off.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Satya said:


> OP, you kind of lost me at "man bun" but to each her own!
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Great point! Yes it's worth saying that even people who appear confident are usually hiding their insecurity. Don't assume you're alone in your discomfort 


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Dannip said:


> isabelseyler said:
> 
> 
> > Dannip said:
> ...


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Satya said:


> OP, you kind of lost me at "man bun" but to each her own!
> 
> As most are suggesting, you should start small. Eye contact is the first, sometimes most potent form of communication. Practice holding gaze and smile.
> The only way you will gain confidence is by practicing and preparing for awkwardness. Most people feel awkward in social situations, they've just learned to hide it well or brush it off.


Lol I think that is what guys call their hair style I think. I'm not sure but I guess that's what its called manbun or something along those lines?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)




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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

isabelseyler said:


> Dannip said:
> 
> 
> > Cute? True attraction? How so?
> ...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*



john117 said:


> Ask him if he likes Premiata Forneria Marconi 😎. If he's never heard of them don't bother.


Didn't figure you for an Italian progger. Very cool.

Wouldn't be the first time I had musical taste in common with someone I like to clash politically. 

Sorry for the temporary thread jack. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Satya said:


> OP, you kind of lost me at "man bun" but to each her own!


The man bun is the mullet of the 2010s. In a few years, everyone who ever sported one will be denying it and scrambling to erase every bit of photographic evidence they ever had one.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Steve1000 said:


> That could have been me throughout college. At the same time, I was a leader in class, loves giving presentations, a college basketball player, and in a successful rock band. Don't be so judgmental about college guys too shy to walk up to a woman and ask her out.


judgmental?

if she wants a confident man then he might not be the guy.

I'm a little offended that you labeled me judgmental. EVERYBODY judges everyday. you can get through life without judging someone for something. if shyness is a turn off. thats ok just like if fat is a turn off.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Didn't figure you for an Italian progger. Very cool.


Played lots of PFM in my college radio station... Considering how much progressive rock has come out of the UK, music could be an excellent way for our original poster and Mr manbun to chill together. 

Not sure 'bout Manchester food vs Italian food tho. Fish and chips vs grilled pigeon or Umbrian sausage bake? Maybe he's a limocelo type guy instead of an ale guy?

Look, OP, be as forward with him as your compatriots were with my daughter in Italy last fall. She would get on the train and no matter how empty the train was someone would sit next to her and talk to her. She really appreciated the talking, really helped her get an insight of the people. No time to be shy!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> The man bun is the mullet of the 2010s. In a few years, everyone who ever sported one will be denying it and scrambling to erase every bit of photographic evidence they ever had one.


So true - and it can't come fast enough!!


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

chillymorn69 said:


> judgmental?
> 
> if she wants a confident man then he might not be the guy.
> 
> I'm a little offended that you labeled me judgmental. EVERYBODY judges everyday. you can get through life without judging someone for something. if shyness is a turn off. thats ok just like if fat is a turn off.


I don't think that you should be offended that I suggested that you should be open minded about young men who are too shy to go up to a woman and ask her you. 
I was replying to a post in which, according to you, I wasn't even worth my weight in salt.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Steve1000 said:


> I don't think that you should be offended that I suggested that you should be open minded about young men who are too shy to go up to a woman and ask her you.
> I was replying to a post in which, according to you, I wasn't even worth my weight in salt.


so your judging me on my statement. opened mindness is a two way street. are you telling me that a women that isn't attracted to a shy guy is not open minded? 

the reason for my statement is because many women feel this way especially when in a long term relationship. we see all the time here on TAM where the wife after many years falls out of love because their husband is weak and not confident .

I never said YOU weren't worth your weight in salt. you inferred that from a general statement I made. 

I get it your a sensitive guy.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Women (and men) have a right to be attracted to whatever characteristics they want. 

I think one thing to consider though is that "confidence" isn't a simple attribute. Is possible for someone to be confident in some situations and not others. There are men who have a specific problem talking to women, but not in other areas. Whether or not that is OK with the OP is up to her.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

uhtred said:


> Women (and men) have a right to be attracted to whatever characteristics they want.
> 
> 
> 
> I think one thing to consider though is that "confidence" isn't a simple attribute. Is possible for someone to be confident in some situations and not others. There are men who have a specific problem talking to women, but not in other areas. Whether or not that is OK with the OP is up to her.




Here's the thing- even a confident guy can get self conscious if he seriously likes a girl - he doesn't want to blow it. Consider that - whereas he might more easily approach a girl he just wants to bed. So ironically excluding that guy might be excluding the guy who will really treat you well and be really committed.

We tend to get nervous when something we value is at risk

Just a contrary thought 


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

TheTruthHurts said:


> uhtred said:
> 
> 
> > Women (and men) have a right to be attracted to whatever characteristics they want.
> ...


So do you think he isn't a player sort because I do that. I ve had players approach me more easily. They would just show up and say things or would move around constantly staring while he doesn't do that.

Yeah I did find his way of looking at me a bit nerve cracking because he was literally piercing into me. And the last time I saw him, he is always looking into my as if he wants to eat me or something lol 

Unfortunately I don't think I can meet him up now as he's now locked up in the room he and his campaigners occupied for the protests.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

isabelseyler said:


> Unfortunately I don't think I can meet him up now as he's now locked up in the room he and his campaigners occupied for the protests.


That may be just as well. Social justice warriors rarely make good partners.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

isabelseyler said:


> So do you think he isn't a player sort because I do that. I ve had players approach me more easily. They would just show up and say things or would move around constantly staring while he doesn't do that.


I want to make sure I understand.

Do you think they were players because they spoke to you or looked at you, or is there some other reason you think they were players?


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

GTdad said:


> isabelseyler said:
> 
> 
> > So do you think he isn't a player sort because I do that. I ve had players approach me more easily. They would just show up and say things or would move around constantly staring while he doesn't do that.
> ...


One of them had a girlfriend whom I saw him kiss but he would stare at me all the time and move around me hoping to look or start something and another one just randomly came up and started saying we should have fun etc.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> isabelseyler said:
> 
> 
> > Unfortunately I don't think I can meet him up now as he's now locked up in the room he and his campaigners occupied for the protests.
> ...


Why not?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

Too busy fighting for the common good...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

isabelseyler said:


> Why not?


Speaking in generalities here--there are exceptions

A number of reasons. Often, they are so absorbed in their cause that they ignore their partner. It's not unlike a military man or cop, or even minister, who is so compelled by his calling, that he devotes all his time and energy to it. Not only will they neglect their SO, they will expect their SO to be perfectly OK with that, because, after all, it is for the cause. 

What's more, they tend to be demanding and unforgiving. Zealotry, even if not religious, is still zealotry, and not a good basis for a healthy relationship. Even if their partner is okay with the lack of relationship focus, the they may still be hard to get along with because they will expect, even demand their partner share their cause and to the same degree of commitment, which is rare. Even when both share the cause, that tends to be short lived as one will usually outgrow their youthful zeal and begin operating in the "real world" before the other, and then the problems begin. 

It can be all so romantic at the onset, two lovers arm in arm fighting the good fight and all, but it's definitely got its perils.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

Next time he gives you that serious look, take your thumbs put them at the corner of your mouth and make the gesture of a smile. 

You know, like: turn that frown upside down. 



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Speaking in generalities here--there are exceptions
> 
> A number of reasons. Often, they are so absorbed in their cause that they ignore their partner. It's not unlike a military man or cop, or even minister, who is so compelled by his calling, that he devotes all his time and energy to it. Not only will they neglect their SO, they will expect their SO to be perfectly OK with that, because, after all, it is for the cause.
> 
> ...


The fact that dude never smiles supports this assessment.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

Hon you'll never know until you talk to him. Make some excuse and find out


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Rocky Mountain Yeti said:
> 
> 
> > Speaking in generalities here--there are exceptions
> ...


No he does smile and laugh and he seems goofy but he rarely smiles at me. All he does is look at me with a serious expression on his face.

The only time he looked and smiled normally was when I was with my friends and he invited us. Otherwise when he give me looks when I'm alone, he's all so serious.

He's a bit aggressive though. My friend told me she saw by the window if the room where he was locked and he was shouting on the phone.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You're driving me crazy :grin2:

If you think he is worth getting to know better, then go talk to him. If not then that's fine too. Just don't wait for him to make a first move because he might not. 





isabelseyler said:


> No he does smile and laugh and he seems goofy but he rarely smiles at me. All he does is look at me with a serious expression on his face.
> 
> The only time he looked and smiled normally was when I was with my friends and he invited us. Otherwise when he give me looks when I'm alone, he's all so serious.
> 
> He's a bit aggressive though. My friend told me she saw by the window if the room where he was locked and he was shouting on the phone.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Ok quick update

I saw him today and I hadn't seen him until my friend pointed out that he's a creep who was literally staring at me.
I saw him then and he and a friend were taking tables outside. 
Then later on he came to the canteen where I was sitting with my friends and he slumped right in front of the sofa (in a sleeping position) .
He had just come to chat with a friend on his phone but then my friend said it was weird how he just came and lay down in front of sofa when there are other sofas to lie down. 
So is he trying to throw some hints? I am determined to speak to him today.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

chillymorn69 said:


> so your judging me on my statement. opened mindness is a two way street. are you telling me that a women that isn't attracted to a shy guy is not open minded?
> ..................
> 
> I get it your a sensitive guy.


No, nothing wrong with not being attracted to a shy guy. And nothing wrong with me suggesting to be more open-minded about those young shy men.

About your 2nd comment, "pot calling the kettle black"


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

isabelseyler said:


> Ok quick update
> 
> I saw him today and I hadn't seen him until my friend pointed out that he's a creep who was literally staring at me.
> I saw him then and he and a friend were taking tables outside.
> ...




Good for you! Yes I think he's circling you because he's on a hunt but isn't sure enough of himself. So go for it! Find out! That's the fun of dating - sometimes you get a prince and sometimes you get a troll but you never know until you actually talk to someone 


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

TheTruthHurts said:


> isabelseyler said:
> 
> 
> > Ok quick update
> ...


Lmao he's being a troll because he keeps coming to the canteen, looks around but does nothing lol. I find it so funny because he's always trying to act sauve. He's also being quite loud today. 

Ok so tried to give him a faint smile. Don't know if he picked up but he was pouting and probably whistling when he was coming around.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Yes he is throwing hints - however ineptly. 

Talk to him!



isabelseyler said:


> Ok quick update
> 
> I saw him today and I hadn't seen him until my friend pointed out that he's a creep who was literally staring at me.
> I saw him then and he and a friend were taking tables outside.
> ...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

A change in attire is recommended... Maybe... 

I'm not joking. Attire has launched many a conversation.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Good grief. All this handwringing, psychoanalysis and indulgent cultural sensitivity. No need to be provocatively forward or play contrived handkerchief-dropping games. It's really simple. The next time you see him, walk up, SMILE, and say: 

Hi! I'm Isabel. 
I see you in _______ a lot. 
Are you in _______ program/That's an interesting _______ you're wearing; where did you get it/Any innocuous question about something you noticed that's complimentary, specific to him, & genuinely intriguing to you.

This makes your interest clear without telegraphing over-investment, which makes you a safe, friendly person to talk to. If there's genuine reciprocating interest, you will soon know it from the resulting conversation.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Yes he is throwing hints - however ineptly.
> 
> Talk to him!
> 
> ...


Are you sure he's throwing hints? How do I start?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

(wears semi-professional psychologist hat)

Start looking inwards. What dating experience have you had that was successful? What did you do that worked? Are you approachable? Flirty? Aloof at times? Funny? Sociable? Fashionable? 

Some young women seem to emit particles that young men may misinterpret. My younger daughter has all the above attributes and then some but she managed to finish undergraduate school with a dating record that, well... You get the idea. It's not like she's antisocial (that's my older daughter). But miss antisocial has guys falling for her left and right.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

@isabelseyler

This reminds me of another girl I almost met while in that new country I was working in while single. I took a train to work when I started. 

I got on and sat on the same seat every day. I soon realized a girl who sat across from me that got on the train some station before mine. After a few weeks, recognizing her in the same seat directly across from me, I smiled at her. She did not respond. 

For the next week or two she went missing. I thought she was so shy, embarrassed, married or whatever that she selected another car and I had invaded her privacy. Then one day she reappeared in her seat. 

AND she smiled at me. I realized that she probably told her friends and they were likely checking me out for her before deciding what to do. 

By coincidence, I was picking up a vehicle I bought that afternoon. I never took that train again. A month later, I moved to a new apartment. So even when I took a train, it was a different line. 

Had she smiled back a bit earlier it may have been a different story. But, I had moved on the very day she responded. 

Too late, I suppose. Too timid? I'll never know. I just moved on.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

It's 2017, not 1817, just touch his penis and then you'll know for sure.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Dannip said:


> @isabelseyler
> 
> This reminds me of another girl I almost met while in that new country I was working in while single. I took a train to work when I started.
> 
> ...


I understand your point but he never smiles at you. All he does is stare at me and today, particularly, he was being around quite a lot and he was absolutely doing nothing productive except hover around and leave. 
I gave him a faint smile but I don't think he picked up. He just was as usual looking. 

I always return back his looks and I look at him as well. Being a guy, I'm pretty sure he's also understood I'm into him but hes throwing hints physically instead of talking (like he just lay down on the sofa next to us and he was being quite vocal) 

anyways I will try talking to him if I see him tomorrow.

Maybe we are using our eyes and body language to show we like each other instead of doing the proper way :/


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Phil Anders said:


> Good grief. All this handwringing, psychoanalysis and indulgent cultural sensitivity. No need to be provocatively forward or play contrived handkerchief-dropping games. It's really simple. The next time you see him, walk up, SMILE, and say:
> 
> Hi! I'm Isabel.
> I see you in _______ a lot.
> ...


Hi thanks for the rec. However could you provide some other questions I can ask him to start convo? He is a political activist and he seems he is quite smart ad aware so I dont want to sound dumb in front of him.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

isabelseyler said:


> Hi thanks for the rec. However could you provide some other questions I can ask him to start convo? He is a political activist and he seems he is quite smart ad aware so I dont want to sound dumb in front of him.


He has a deep belief in his cause, which makes him appear smart--but it could just be zealotry. Point is, you need not feel like you have to meet his level of intelligence or awareness--it may not be as great as you perceive from a distance. Moreover, if he's overly concerned with your level of political "awareness" matching his than he is with who you actually are, you're better off to avoid him anyway. 

Do you know what his specific cause is? If so, is it something you are interested in as well? If so, you've got your built in conversation starter right there. 
"I see you're active in _______. How did you come by this?"
or 
"I've wanted to learn more about ______. It seems to be interesting to me because _________."

If you want to connect with this guy, showing any kind of interest in his cause is an automatic door opener. 

For your own sake, though, just don't approach with any kind of inferiority complex or concern for living up to his demands. If he really was all you think he might be in terms of his abilities, he would have approached you already. The mere fact that he hasn't is evidence he has his own insecurities. Please know that you are fully worthwhile in and of yourself, regardless of how he may react.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*

You could just approach him very simply.

"I've seen you her so many times but I don't know your name. I'm Isabel."

If he's hanging around this much, it's entirely possible he's never asked a girl out before and has the same anxiety as you.

If you just say the above it says that you want to meet him and don't have any crazy expectations for him to impress you.

Some guys get WAY too into their own head and overthink things. My S19 literally has girls throwing themselves at him but for some reason he creates reasons why "today" isn't the day to just say "hey want to get ice cream or coffee?" Seriously, those 2 options cover 100% of girls, right? 


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

*Re: He looks at me quite a lot?*



TheTruthHurts said:


> "hey want to get ice cream?"
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


... was exactly the first step in landing my wife of now 30 years.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

TheTruthHurts said:


> You could just approach him very simply.
> 
> "I've seen you her so many times but I don't know your name. I'm Isabel."
> 
> ...


Hey thanks and wow that's a really good way to start.

I find it so weird that he's friends with girls and he talks so normally with them and he's so goofy around his friends but he's completely failing here.

He's made it very obvious though today. He actually came in thrice when I was there. Once he laid down in the sofa just next to us, talking to his friend on the phone and I don't know if he visited when I wasn't there but he was actually coming towards the place I was sitting again until he was called by his fellow team members.
The funniest was he came in , was looking around, saw me then pretended to go into the cafe and did nothing was out from there within a sec. 

And I think he was purposely being loud in front of me to appear cool or something idk


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> isabelseyler said:
> 
> 
> > Hi thanks for the rec. However could you provide some other questions I can ask him to start convo? He is a political activist and he seems he is quite smart ad aware so I dont want to sound dumb in front of him.
> ...


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Start with a smile. Make it visible to him, not yourself. Say hi, where are you from. Then start listening.

Your "interview" and evaluation starts at that point. You're the judge. Not us here - we're complete strangers. You can reject him at any time for any reason. So can he. Maybe you'll want to friend-zone him. Maybe you'll like someone in his group better. Maybe you'll get on very well and date for a while. No one knows but you. 

You're a better judge of body language and intent than anyone here.


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## isabelseyler (Jun 14, 2017)

Little update - today was we didn't see each other at all. I just saw him twice when I was quite far away from him and he also saw me and I saw him look in my dire tion both times.

The funny thing is he has an Italian language bag and he brought that today and he left it on the canteen table a bench away from where I usually sit and I saw his bag had Italian language imprinted on it. He was really busy and surrounded by people so and I had classes continuously so I just couldn't speak to him but did he throw a sign again?


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