# STBXW Trying to get me back....



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Hi All,

I just want to run this by you guys and get your opinion. I'm heading to the lawyers today to drop off some documents so the STBXW will be served sometime next week. 

I made the mistake of telling her before the filling and now she is laying on the charm overtime, calling me telling me she loves me, sending me text messages, saying she loves me and misses me. When I pickup my son she comes in close and hugs me and kisses me in front of our two year old to which he sees and comes in for a group hug (Yes I know unhealthy)

Deep down inside I know I cannot live with her and the thought of spending the rest of my life with her makes me anxious and sick. I don't hate her or wish anything bad to happen to her, quite the contrary I want her to find happiness without me. 

I have done some meditation and self reflection and found that deep down even though my emotions are conflicted, everytime I think of her NOT being in my life there is a clarity that I cannot explain. Maybe because she no longer controls my life.

My mind has erected a barrier to her and its like i've convinced myself that I do not want her to have ANY say in my life whatsoever other than where to meet and pickup our boy.

Its not hate or anger, its like I ripped out a cancerous extemity and don't want it back. Anybody feel like this?

Thank you.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Our gut instinct is what ultimately guides us, and it seems you are confident that you will be better off without her (and consequently she will be better off too).

As my wife and I have discussed, though probably not to a consensus, even if we go through the divorce and then realize down the road we do want to rekindle a relationship, its just paperwork it doesn't have to be permanent - so there is always the possibilty of working past it even after D, at least let go of the idea that this formality can't ever be undone.

On the other hand, if there is no pressing necessity, neither of you have other relationships in waiting etc there is no rush if you are not ready yet.

It seems to me you are the one that initiated the separation and she is still possibly in denial, in which case understand that she is hurting and acting out of fear and anxiety, so maybe waiting would be a compassionate approach - or perhaps its just doing more damage, this is the kind of thing up for discussion in MC.

Good luck to you Sanity.


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