# 2nd Marriage,newly married & I' m done



## KatBill

Well I will start this long journey. I was married to my high school sweetheart for 24 yrs. He cheated and of course we divorced. We still remad civil bc of the two children. I started dating which , I found very difficult but I survived. Lol Met this awesome man and we hit it off perfactlly. Six mths later he proposed. I was so surprised but loved him more then life it's self and I thought he felt the same. Five mths later we were married. He has two adult children and I have two as well. Anywho.. his youngest which is an adult with a baby and his daughter is constantly with us or calling. It's like having a little toddler. When I am not at home bc I am at work she will go and get into our bed with my H but on my side at any chance she can take.My H spends four days a week with her Bc they work together. We never have our alone time.anymore. Even when we r in our bed she walks right into the bedroom-without knocking first bf she enters. My H will not allow me to cut our yard bc he said I don't know how it needs to be done either by him or his daughter. He is constantly having her do his personnell issues. He gives her money all the time. It's like he looks to her as a wife. He has become so distant with me that I just don't know what else to do. We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. We have been to a Thereapist on several occasions But I do not see this getting any better. He tells me I always want him up my butt 24 hrs per day which I have never told him that. He will not give me the time of day. When ever we do try to have alone time he always has to have the tv on or doing something else to occupy his time and when I bring this to his attention he says " I told you I didn't want to get married. Who says that to there wife. I am at the end of my rope. Need some advise Please. 

Thank you

KatBill


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## Satya

*Re: 2nd Marriage,newly married &amp; I' m done*

His adult daughter sleeps in bed with him... 

You are no longer sleeping in the marital bed... 

... 

Did I read that right?


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## KatBill

Every single weekend she and her toddler come and stay bc she moved out a year ago and she and her child get in our bed and yeah I have been staying on the sofa bc he has nothing to say to me


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## Satya

KatBill said:


> Every single weekend she and her toddler come and stay bc she moved out a year ago and she and her child get in our bed and yeah I have been staying on the sofa bc he has nothing to say to me


Kat I'm having a hard time understanding (if I am understanding you right) why you believe it's Ok for your husband to be sharing a bed with his daughter? Do you see how creepy and wrong that is?


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## jorgegene

did he exhibit any of these weird habits before you were married?

were there any red flags that you ignored because of the infatuation phase, or did he change after you got married?


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## jorgegene

oh, yah, i almost forgot.

how dare him say that he 'never wanted to get married' when HEEEEEE proposed to you!!!


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## KatBill

I don't think it's ok. I'm through ten kinds of fits. She doesn't stay the night in the bed they r just always laying in the bed watching movies all the time and it's his daughter not mine. ( didn't know if that's what u thought)


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## KatBill

And before we got married he would do sweet things for me and my children. Would send me flowers, pop up at my work and bring me lunch with a rose, or send me a sweet text message saying how much he loves me and he was thinken about me. It was the little things that meant the most and now.... He does nothing. But the other day he unloadied the dishwasher and when I got home I saw he did that and I went and told him thank u and I appreciated it. And he tells me oh his grandson did it ( which is only 3) It's like he can't take a complement. I just don't get it how someone can change from one way to a totally different way.


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## Satya

KatBill said:


> And before we got married he would do sweet things for me and my children. Would send me flowers, pop up at my work and bring me lunch with a rose, or send me a sweet text message saying how much he loves me and he was thinken about me. It was the little things that meant the most and now.... He does nothing. But the other day he unloadied the dishwasher and when I got home I saw he did that and I went and told him thank u and I appreciated it. And he tells me oh his grandson did it ( which is only 3) It's like he can't take a complement. I just don't get it how someone can change from one way to a totally different way.


Anything you know of that happened around the time his behavior changed? Like, something that may have caused him to build resentment for you? He seems to be spending lots of time with his daughter. Does he work?


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## KatBill

The only thing I can think of, is when we were planning our beach wedding she wanted us to pay for her and her baby's daddy a hotel for the whole weekend for the wedding and give them my new vehicle to drive and I refused to give her or her baby daddy a free vacation at my expense bc we were unable to do that for the other three daughters. And he got a little defensive about that. But I said it's not fair to his other daughter or my two daughters. And yes he works for his family and she just started working with him.


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## KatBill

But is it just me feeling insecure but don't u think it's kinda odd that a grown women would get into her step mom and dads bed and get under the sheet and blanket and lay in her step moms spot??


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## Tron

What kinds of things did you talk about in your counseling sessions? 

Did you learn anything about him, his last marriage etc?


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## Satya

Yes Katt, it's odd and very inappropriate.


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## bandit.45

KatBill said:


> Every single weekend she and her toddler come and stay bc she moved out a year ago and she and her child get in our bed and yeah I have been staying on the sofa bc he has nothing to say to me


:surprise:


What the f...?


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## bandit.45

Satya said:


> Yes Katt, it's odd and very inappropriate.


Ya think? 

Um.... go see a lawyer KatBill. Your husband is fvcking moron. He needs to go bye-bye.


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## KatBill

Not much did I find out but he says I am just like his ex as far as me being verbally hateful with my words when he ignores me. Which to me if two women that don't know one another and r totally different treat him the same way from what he says, seems he is doing something wrong and that's y she cheated on him.


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## Tron

And that didn't clue him in that he might want to work on it so that he doesn't continue ignoring his spouse?

Did the counselor tell him this?


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## tech-novelist

I think this is possibly the most inappropriate behavior I have ever read about on this board, and that's saying a lot.
Get rid of him.


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## KatBill

We have only been three times and I have not said anything to her about his ex. We were speaking about how to communicate which I guess u could say that is not working very well bc when ever he does decide to talk about some of our issues and he sees hurt I am and how wrong he is doing he says time out and he don't want to talk about it anymore. One reason also is bc I get sooo up set and I get pissed but it's only bc I want to figure out a solution and stop ignoring it and let it keep going on and on. I want to figure it out know what we have to work on and be done with it. Not keep talking about little bits and pieces over a course of a frecken mth. I am gonna either have a nervous break down or a dam heart attack over all this crap.


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## happy as a clam

Please file for divorce immediately.

This is beyond dysfunctional.

This is "Twilight Zone" weird...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane

KatBill said:


> We have only been three times and I have not said anything to her about his ex. We were speaking about how to communicate which I guess u could say that is not working very well bc when ever he does decide to talk about some of our issues and he sees hurt I am and how wrong he is doing he says time out and he don't want to talk about it anymore. One reason also is bc I get sooo up set and I get pissed but it's only bc I want to figure out a solution and stop ignoring it and let it keep going on and on. I want to figure it out know what we have to work on and be done with it. Not keep talking about little bits and pieces over a course of a frecken mth. I am gonna either have a nervous break down or a dam heart attack over all this crap.


This is why your counselor is focusing on communication. You can't work through issues if he can't talk about them like a normal human being.

For the next session, make a list of ALL the issues you need to talk about - his daughter sleeping your bed while you are out on the couch, his ex and how "verbally hateful" both of you are, everything. Communication is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what needs to be discussed in therapy.


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## Satya

bandit.45 said:


> Ya think? .


I think you took my words a bit literally.


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## Satya

*Re: 2nd Marriage,newly married &amp; I' m done*

Kat, it's hard to tell but I get the feeling you don't really confront your husband about his unacceptable behavior. You're going to need to be firm about what you find unacceptable, and if he makes light of it or makes you feel crazy (gaslighting) then you know he doesn't have much respect for your feelings.


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