# Backdoor play advise wanted



## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Wife of 18 years has started asking me to play with her backdoor while having sex in the doggy position. She only wants me to rub it and slight digit insertion and cums very hard when I did/do this. We bought a small butt plug and anal beads and have tried inserting a bead however she said it hurt. I did use lots of lube and went slow.

Any pointers would be appreciated 

FYI I tried the small butt plug on myself while masturbating and found it VERY stimulating and I had a very intense orgasm...


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Wish I could help, the back door is an absolute no no in my house, no touchy


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I also found toys to be very uncomfortable. My best advice is to use your fingers to stimulate her. It's not as intimidating as having a toy in there and some of the toys are really hard. It's not going to happen overnight. Just keep trying and eventually she should be relaxed about it enough to insert other things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Hmm, how to say this without being graphic. Not sure I can. Well, in addition to using plenty of lube, use your hands and fingers to gently "gape" her a bit. This will kind of train her to relax in the way she needs to for it to be comfortable. If you just start inserting without a little stretching exercise, well sometimes it's no problem, but it's better if you do. At least it seems to be for my wife.


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

This is how we got started. 
Plenty of lub. The correct sort too. No numbin agent. Astroglide works well. 
We also use surgical gloves. Seems a little weird but its clean and the snapping of the glove does have a dramatic effect. 
After a while we moved to small plugs. I'm not sure if its the stretching or just being able to relax. But after a while it gets a lot more easy to do. 
Now she's quite happy with a glass dildo or even my penis. 
Practice makes perfect, go slow use plenty of lubricant and have fun.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Everyone's pretty much covered the basics: comfort, lube, relax, patience. Also, although it may sound counter-intuitive, since doggy allows better/more obvious access, try with her lying on her back. In doggy, the muscles that most need to relax are naturally tensed, and - until such time as she decides she enjoys it enough to keep it on the menu - the anxiety/anticipation can increase that tension, making things more difficult.

And, nothin wrong with you enjoying the plug. It was probably stimulating your prostate, which feels awesome. My wife has used fingers and vibrators on me, and I recently got an Aneros prostate massager...hard to describe the sensation, but it was worth every penny.

Just take things slow and easy, and as long as it feels good (for all involved), enjoy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Lots of good post here, I would just continue with the finger or thumb, just a bit of pressing. She'll let you know when she's ready for something to be inserted.


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## tryingtoenjoylife (Mar 30, 2012)

The problem with a toy is that you can not feel her reactions as well. You are more likely to push even though there is resistance. I would also continue with the finger play. I've noticed some women just like a lot of play around the anus and will naturally open up (actually push into you) when they are ready for digital penetration.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

I love it in the "back door". 
When I first started with it, it took a bit of getting use to because the back door does not have the same elasticity as a vagina. You need to go slow, use a bit of lube, and work it until the muscles are relaxed. Once they are relaxed, you can increase the amount of finger or size of the toy and increase the speed and pressure and depth until you can enjoy it all.
After some time, once relaxed with the notion of doing it that way and receiving pleasure from it, less work will be required to get into the groove.
I am now at the point where I can take Hs 10 inches with with no lube, as long as I am in control.
I prefer to be on top as well.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

a_new_me said:


> I love it in the "back door".
> When I first started with it, it took a bit of getting use to because the back door does not have the same elasticity as a vagina. You need to go slow, use a bit of lube, and work it until the muscles are relaxed. Once they are relaxed, you can increase the amount of finger or size of the toy and increase the speed and pressure and depth until you can enjoy it all.
> After some time, once relaxed with the notion of doing it that way and receiving pleasure from it, less work will be required to get into the groove.
> I am now at the point where *I can take Hs 10 inches with with no lube,* as long as I am in control.
> I prefer to be on top as well.


Jenna Jameson? :scratchhead:

Just kidding. That is impressive though.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

a_new_me said:


> I am now at the point where I can take Hs 10 inches with with no lube, as long as I am in control.
> I prefer to be on top as well.


Yikes, that doesn't sound like a good idea...


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

pink_lady said:


> Yikes, that doesn't sound like a good idea...


It is actually quite easy and very pleasurable. Just a matter if working up to it.


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## rabbcfga (Sep 12, 2013)

I also found toys to be very uncomfortable.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

rabbcfga said:


> I also found toys to be very uncomfortable.


Go slow


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

get her very close to orgasm before even going there with plenty of lube just carress and kinda hover around the opening applying gentle force until she starts to orgasm then apply just alittle more and before you know her orgasm spasms will just suck your finger in slow and gentle untill she get use to it.

once your in start making some very small circles to relax it a bit once she totally relaxed it will open up and then be much more comfortable.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Have you tried some of the silicon gel toys? Something that is very flexible?

Also, have her push out against whatever you are trying to push into her at the same time. That motion voluntarily relaxes that sphincter.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

I personally find it easiest if I do all the work to start. The guy can lay there or stand there and I push down on to him. That way I am in control of the pressure and the angle and the depth. This allows me to do it at my pace and I can take what I can take as I need to. When the guy pushes, Because he has no awareness of how I feel until I say something, he can push too hard or too deep before I am relaxed enough for it, which can cause pain or tearing. Plus it is easier to get relaxed if I am in control.


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## kimd (Oct 12, 2013)

I do enjoy it in there and so does he. However a condom is a must when he does anal to me and usually where we complete our sex.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> I did use lots of lube and went slow.


As a man who has been there many times.. with great results.. I will suggest you redefine the word "slow".



okeydokie said:


> Wish I could help, the back door is an absolute no no in my house, no touchy


What's the point of posting this?

It's like going outside and taking an old worn out umbrella full of holes with you because you didn't think it was going to rain.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

I absolutely HATE anal sex, and I am a man...it hurts me almost as much as her..but I do love to stimulate her with my figers while taking her from behind...I also like outside finger stimulation on me as well...and I have tried a prostate stimulator and the orgasm was scary powerful...thought I died and went to heaven

spend a LOT of time with a lubed finger tip stimulating the OUTSIDE before you even think of penetrating...I dont like to lick and keep licking a finger, and spitting on it is crude, so some stealth is needed...I hide a small tube of lube so she doesnt see it or know I am using it...and keep lubing the finger...licking it is unclean obviously...she was VERY surprised the first time I did this...and had to slowly introduce it to our repetoir LOL

she came to LOVE the outside gentle stimulation of her anus, but did not like any penetration at all...she said it didnt hurt, but didnt feel any better than the outside stimulation, plus she had anxiety about cleanliness or mess when i penetrated...

this of course was years ago when we still had sex...


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