# to work or not to work that is the question...



## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

Hello!

New here and the reason i joined is i have only been married for four months. Since then we have run into a few financial snags. We have risen over those hurtles but are still not caught up on bills. Recently she keeps asking if she can leave early, or go in late or take the day off in general. This drives me nuts i work 40 hours like she does but i also stay late twice a month and clean the whole office ( including scrubbing the toilets ) I don't think she should be able to take extra time off just because its available to her through her company considering we still are behind on more then one bill. In the past she has lost her job due to medical/mental reasons. I live in such fear that will happen again i cant tell if i am over reacting because she has been asking to leave again and complains she doesn't feel good. Not sure what to say or do....HELP!:scratchhead:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm confused does she work for you or something?


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## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

No, shes my wife she has her own job.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

1. You choose to stay late at work. She does not. That is a choice. I understand how it feels like you're making a huge sacrifice, but you can't expect her to do the same and get mad when she won't. Now, if she's dipping out every single day at noon and her hours are being cut, that's one thing, but if it's not impacting her paycheck...

2. It sounds like you two need to sit down and make a financial plan for paying off bills. One that is more fair to both of you and doesn't involve you working late multiple times a month. That's a recipe for resentment.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

mylessays said:


> I don't think she should be able to take extra time off just because its available to her through her company considering we still are behind on more then one bill.




Are these vacation days that she's taking that she gets paid for? Or are these unpaid days off? 



> In the past she has lost her job due to medical/mental reasons. I live in such fear that will happen again i cant tell if i am over reacting because she has been asking to leave again and complains she doesn't feel good.


Is this a separate issue or related to her taking days off? Is she seeing a doctor and/or therapist to help with her issues?


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## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

norajane said:


> Are these vacation days that she's taking that she gets paid for? Or are these unpaid days off?
> 
> 
> 
> Is this a separate issue or related to her taking days off? Is she seeing a doctor and/or therapist to help with her issues?


These are unpaid days off not vacation she has only worked there for a month. The insurance hasn't even kicked in yet because its so new to even go to therapy. Yes this is a related issue because before she made her self physical sick so she didn't have to go to work. so when she says she is sick i cant tell if she is or if history is trying to repeat its self.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've been married for 4 months... How did she survive before you got married? How did you survive financially?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

PBear said:


> You've been married for 4 months... How did she survive before you got married? How did you survive financially?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was still living with her parents so she was rent free and i had a room mate. The room mate is gone because we are married.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

She needs to be aware that taking 'unpaid days off' when she is still 'on probation' will likely lead to her not being kept on. 

Other than making her aware of this, there isn't much you can do.


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## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> She needs to be aware that taking 'unpaid days off' when she is still 'on probation' will likely lead to her not being kept on.
> 
> Other than making her aware of this, there isn't much you can do.


Her company offers these days to employees when they are over staffed so technically there is no chance of issues if she chooses to take it off, other then the fact we lose $100 towards bills.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Had she ever lived on her own? Or kept a job for any length of time? 

Basically, I'm thinking that you married someone who is potentially not prime employment material. She didn't have to deal with it before because apparently, her parents were her backup. And now you expect her to grow up and change. 

My advice... Get some financial counseling for the two of you. Find a plan that works for your situation and personalities. Gooduck!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You mentioned she has medical and mental problems? You may be very lucky that she can maintain employment at all. If you working extra keeps her out of a hospital, it's a great investment of your time. My wife has mental issues that prevent her from working at the moment but, at least, she's not in the hospital. There are probably things she could do but I fear if I push her, she's going to end up back in the hospital. The little she might earn isn't worth the expense of a couple weeks in the psych ward again. I don't have the same conditions and it would be unfair and unreasonable of me to expect that she could work the hours I spend on both my jobs. A reasonable level of work or sleep for me isn't the same as it is for my wife.


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## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

PBear said:


> Had she ever lived on her own? Or kept a job for any length of time?
> 
> Basically, I'm thinking that you married someone who is potentially not prime employment material. She didn't have to deal with it before because apparently, her parents were her backup. And now you expect her to grow up and change.
> 
> ...


Thanks PBear! She has lived on her own but it ended with a bad brake up, mental brake down and moving back home. She admits and says she working on and trying to get better at going/staying at work. Its just so hard for me to understand because i have been working since i was 14.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So knowing that, why did you expect things to be different after you married? You're going to have to cut her some slack and let her work at her own pace. But in the meantime, get the financial counseling to try to minimize the impact. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Wow! she's only worked for a month and is pulling that on her emoployer, sounds like she's asking to be fired.


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## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

I suppose then that's something i have to work on. Its hard not having these expectations when she talks about not waiting to get pregnant.


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## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Wow! she's only worked for a month and is pulling that on her emoployer, sounds like she's asking to be fired.


She is not pulling anything on her employer lol they offered her the choice to take the day off


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old are you two? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mylessays (Sep 17, 2013)

PBear said:


> How old are you two?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We are both 25, why?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

mylessays said:


> We are both 25, why?


Because she seems to have immature and unrealistic expectations given your current reality.

C


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

mylessays said:


> I suppose then that's something i have to work on. Its hard not having these expectations when she talks about not waiting to get pregnant.


OMG, no! Do not get pregnant now! Wear a condom each time...you never know if she might "forget" to take her pills if she is on BC.

What makes you think she'd be any more capable of taking care of a child 24/7 than she can force herself to go to work? The burden will ALL be on you. Not to mention, it's not a good idea for a mentally unhealthy person to have a child. Not to mention, you can't afford it. Not to mention, your marriage is in trouble and could easily end in divorce.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Here's a good saying to try out on her.

"If you can't be a good worker, you can't be a good mother".

Kills two birds with one stone.

Your goal is not to be her father, but to allow her to grow into a person that can be a mother.


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