# More proof of no chance of R



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I left 2nd counseling session last night and called my H. I asked him if he was still not interested in going with me (just here and there)... he got real defensive about it, not wanting someone to remind him of what he did.
I told him it made me feel like he is saying that I am the one with the issue. That if I go and feel better, that it will be easier to just "rug sweep" it........

So it escalated into him trying to turn everything on me.... saying that I have been cheating on him too (which I haven't),, but he wouldn't want to know so he never dug deep enough. Yeah ok!!

Pretty much called me a s**t, liar and crazy... I would mention things he told me , and he would say he didn't say them... that I'm just making things up to have something to argue about.......... 

Oh and he gets mad that my 23 year old daughter knows I'm going to as he says " A SHRINK",,,,,,,it's not like I have a mental disease,, pizzes me off he calls it that....

Just can't believe after 6 months he is still downplaying, won't tell the truth and denies things he told me trying to make it seem like I'm making things up and I'm crazy.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

file


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Stick with your counseling. 
You will find your way to 'believing' what you can't believe now.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Stick with your counseling.
> You will find your way to 'believing' what you can't believe now.


No, I can believe it... I guess I should know better than thinking he would ever hold himself accountable. He'll be home later today after being gone all week so plan on "THE" talk tonight... 

I waited so I can see his face when I let him know all the lies I found out he has told me after I talked to his XW. See how he will try to lie his way out of that. ( I'm sure he'll say she's crazy and a liar too).


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's projecting.

And he's a jerk.

File.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Him calling you those things is not in any way, shape or form acceptable.

No way. That is wrong wrong wrong.

I say go to individual counselling. Axe the MC if he won't attend with you.

If things don't improve and you find you are the only one puttin forth the effort you can eithr stay in the status quo or do something about it. 

What do you want?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Numb in Ohio said:


> I waited so I can see his face when I let him know all the lies I found out he has told me after I talked to his XW. See how he will try to lie his way out of that. ( I'm sure he'll say she's crazy and a liar too).


What'd his XW say?


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> What'd his XW say?



He had told me they were separated when we met and started talking. She told me NO,, he was still trying to sleep in bed with her even after he asked for divorce... she had to kick him out.

Said he had cheated on her with 3 to 5 other women.. some telling them that he wasn't married. 

He had called her when she was getting off work one night and wanted her to come see him in his semi, ( he was parked by her work), which she declined, but this was just 4 years ago. We have been married 9 years.

He wanted her to stay living in the house where they lived after he moved in with me, after asking for divorce ( I knew still married but he said they were separated).... I know, still wrong.
Until he decided what he wanted to do, or should I say "who" he wanted. She had dissolution papers filled out, all he had to do was sign them and he never would until she threatened to go full divorce and bring all his "girlfriends" into it... then he signed..... He kept me out of the loop so I had no clue all this was going on... He led on like she was stalling...

She even told me that she didn't care if I tell him that I talked to her.. said if he tries to call her pizzed off that she can handle it,,said she's not scared of him anymore... so her saying that, I don't think she would have reason to lie to me. She is with happily with someone else right now.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. The only good thing I can see is that your path is very clear. You do not have to wonder if divorce is the right thing to do.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your husband is damaged goods. No way you can ever have a happy life with this man. Judging from your avater you are an attractive young woman who would have plenty of prospects for marriage and fulfillment. Don't waste any more time on this jerk. Go ahead and file.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Your husband is damaged goods. No way you can ever have a happy life with this man. Judging from your avater you are an attractive young woman who would have plenty of prospects for marriage and fulfillment. Don't waste any more time on this jerk. Go ahead and file.



 Unfortunately, my avatar is of my son when he graduated from AIT , he is with his girlfriend... But thank you,, I'm a Weeee bit older than that,,, (42) 
But agree about not being happy. Not even thinking of "moving on" with anyone else right now. Trust will be a big issue with that.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

OK. 'Scuse me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Numb--wow that is a lot to take in from his XW. Sounds like he has a few skeletons in his closet. I am not surpriseid to hear he was trying to and still sleeping with her during the time they were separated and you started dating him. 

Him calling you a sl*t...wth? That is so wrong. Does he talk like that to you normally? I cant' remember your back story. Did he cheat on you?


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> OK. 'Scuse me.



Wasn't trying to be mean....


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Numb--wow that is a lot to take in from his XW. Sounds like he has a few skeletons in his closet. I am not surpriseid to hear he was trying to and still sleeping with her during the time they were separated and you started dating him.
> 
> Him calling you a sl*t...wth? That is so wrong. Does he talk like that to you normally? I cant' remember your back story. Did he cheat on you?


I caught him in 2 EA's ( one with his x high school gf who they have "NEVER" lost touch,, they have talked since high school...and he had slept with her back in 99 while married to his X (which I didn't know either) 

Of course with both ,, it was " we're just friends"


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Well except about being wrong about the avatar I stick by the rest of what I've said. If your clown of a husband has no remorse, then why are you hanging on?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Numb in Ohio said:


> Of course with both ,, it was " we're just friends"


It always is.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I didn't say I was hanging on. I said I was going to have the talk with him when he got home,which will be in about half hour, and I am nervous as H**l.

Just not my personality to be forward and mean... even though he's treated me the way he has..


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Numb in Ohio said:


> I didn't say I was hanging on. I said I was going to have the talk with him when he got home,which will be in about half hour, and I am nervous as H**l.
> 
> Just not my personality to be forward and mean... even though he's treated me the way he has..


I think the fact you are going to MC may have bandit.45 maybe thinking you are hanging on...


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

It is IC right now for me....he stated from beginning he didn't want to go.... I was just asking if he would consider going to MC, just to get a feel of where hes at. Sorry for the confusion.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

It's time to move on...so sorry for you...


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

So today is the day I have decided to confront H with the info I received from his XW...

I am soooo nervous... yes unfortunately I am afraid of hurting his feelings..and I am not looking forward to the argument....

I don't know why I feel so spineless..... considering how he didn't take my feelings into account while talking to other women...

Why do we let people control us so much that we are scared to let them go even though we know it's what we need and have to do?? Being on my own is not the issue, it's the fact as most people here know that it hurts to realize that the person you gave your life to, betrayed us and are not who we thought they were.

Sorry, my thoughts are all over the place,,, just needed to vent and try to calm myself down.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

I don't know what you intend to get out of your husband by confronting him on stories of what his ex says . He is either going to lie , deny, gaslight her or try put a spin on your looking for information . You have enough information to know this guy is not marriage material, walk away , file and move on wih your life.

Having conflict, suspicions and trust issues is not a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> I don't know what you intend to get out of your husband by confronting him on stories of what his ex says . He is either going to lie , deny, gaslight her or try put a spin on your looking for information . You have enough information to know this guy is not marriage material, walk away , file and move on with your life.
> 
> Having conflict, suspicions and trust issues is not a marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn, your good. EXACTLY what happened. Had a calm response to everything.... even threw guilt on me saying that in talking to her, I didn't take his kids and family into consideration.... why I had to pull his kids into all this?? And that not one thing she told me was true,, go figure.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Walk away from him , limit any conversation to financial and seperation matters . To protect yourself from him gaslighting you tell a few trusted friends and family what is happenning , do so in a manner that it is not construed as you deriding him or seeking sympathy.

An important lesson from others who have been before you, do not share your plans. Learn to be silent, take the steps to move on and don't be open to discussion with him, your actions will speak volumes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Yes, we just talked and have agreed on a separation. 

Just have to figure out the money and some other issues. I feel bad in a way for hurting him, yet relieved.


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