# does your SO take care of you when you are sick?



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

So I had this experience over this week and I am just trying to figure out if I am over reacting or if my annoyance is justified. I usually like to take a day or two to figure out if I am really upset before I talk to my bf about it because I don't want to start stupid fights about nothing.

Anyway so I have had a moderate URI for a week and a half. Loads of coughing and stuff. I been working from 6am-7pm so have not had a chance to go to a doctor and I figured I would just get over it. During this time I mean I did not really need any taking care of, every once in a while I would ask my SO to make me coffee which he would after some complaining about it. 

Thursday my cough got really bad and I felt really sick. I had my doctor call in a prescription for me at 11 pm. Unfortunately it did not get ready till 1am. I felt really sick but my SO refused to go get it or even come with me to go get it. I went and got it by myself. I thought it was kind of selfish because he was not sleeping since we both had 4th July off. He was just playing video games. 

During the day on 4th of July he basically just played video games and watched soccer all day, made night plans with our friends even though he knew I was so sick I just laid in bed all day. 

That night I got an allergic reaction to the medicine which I took for my cold. I wanted him to stay up with me because I took twice the dose of benadryll but it was not helping and I did not want to go to sleep and then have trouble breathing or something. Well he said he was sleepy and went to bed. 

In the morning I was going to the doctor because the allergies were really bad and I had hives all over and he goes o want me to drop you off at the doctor or can you drive? I was annoyed so I just drove myself. 

I just felt like he was not very considerate and was acting like an immature selfish jerk. 

what are your thoughts?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Enoxprin said:


> So I had this experience over this week and I am just trying to figure out if I am over reacting or if my annoyance is justified. I usually like to take a day or two to figure out if I am really upset before I talk to my bf about it because I don't want to start stupid fights about nothing.
> 
> Anyway so I have had a moderate URI for a week and a half. Loads of coughing and stuff. I been working from 6am-7pm so have not had a chance to go to a doctor and I figured I would just get over it. During this time I mean I did not really need any taking care of, every once in a while I would ask my SO to make me coffee which he would after some complaining about it.
> 
> ...


He likes video games more than you evidently..you have every right to be upset based on your story.


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## sunray (May 12, 2013)

I tend to be a very private person so I usually want people to stay the heck away from me when I'm sick. I'd have to be on my death bed to not go get my meds but that's just me. I think he's a jerk for not going when you asked him to though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lose this guy.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> Enoxprin said :Thursday my cough got really bad and I felt really sick. I had my doctor call in a prescription for me at 11 pm. Unfortunately it did not get ready till 1am.* I felt really sick but my SO refused to go get it or even come with me to go get it. I went and got it by myself. *I thought it was kind of selfish because he was not sleeping since we both had 4th July off.* He was just playing video games*.
> 
> *During the day on 4th of July he basically just played video games and watched soccer all day, made night plans with our friends even though he knew I was so sick I just laid in bed all day.*


What else needs said.. This is not the actions of a good man, but someone so self involved with his video games he can't get up off his lazy butt to help his GF in her time of need....

If you did that to him.. I wonder how he'd feel.. it's just basic human courtesy when you're in a relationship -to help the other, to "carry them" when they are sick.. have some compassion, try to make things easier on them.. so they are comfortable..we soothe them back to health, we go pick things up for them.. heck, a friend would have done more for you than he did...

Very selfish.. Yes.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I agree with what everyone else said. 

Just a comparison.... if I need a prescription at the store for say, Vitamin D that I forgot to pick up when I was out this afternoon, my husband will often ask me if I'd like him to go take care of it for me. He wouldn't wait to be asked. If I did ask, he'd do it unless it needed to be delayed for some other reason, but if I was actually sick, he'd probably be going to get it before I could call the doc!

In other words, he acts like I'm more important than anything else, including his own convenience.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

About a year ago wifey had surgery on both hands to correct repetitive stress injury (caused by too much work). Wifey and I are not in the best terms as of late but I still took care of her, taking a few days off from work and literally doing her typing. Health is one area I do not expect quid pro quo.

Having said this, I expect that when I bust an artery or three in a few years I'll be put out to pasture by wifey since she is unable AND unwilling to take care of others. So add this to the split laundry list...

I would lose the guy STAT btw...


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Um yeah, there's a difference between a person who is not naturally nurturing and a selfish bum who won't help even when asked. You want a partner to help you through life, not somebody who's pulling their own separate cart and to heck with your load.


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## gadzooks (Sep 5, 2012)

Enoxprin said:


> So I had this experience over this week and I am just trying to figure out if I am over reacting or if my annoyance is justified. I usually like to take a day or two to figure out if I am really upset before I talk to my bf about it because I don't want to start stupid fights about nothing.
> 
> Anyway so I have had a moderate URI for a week and a half. Loads of coughing and stuff. I been working from 6am-7pm so have not had a chance to go to a doctor and I figured I would just get over it. During this time I mean I did not really need any taking care of, every once in a while I would ask my SO to make me coffee which he would after some complaining about it.
> 
> ...


Sorry you are sick.  I too usually wait a day or two before I decide I'm upset and it's legit. He should have gone to get your meds for crying out loud it was LATE and you could have been unsafe. I vote for selfish jerk. He needs a bop upside the head. AND then didn't drive you to the doctor? My SO let me drive to the dr with a fractured pelvise and bruised kidneys once. Yeah, I was underwhelmed. I had to call my Dad to pick me up because I passed out when they told me how bad it was. (Horse accident, I ride jumpers) I hope things get better for you.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

My husband is too selfish to give a crap about me when sick or helping me care for our children when they are sick. He says he hates sick people. I think it's an excuse to be self-absorbed which he is in all other aspects of our marriage. Lucky he is showing his true colors now so you can make an informed decision. My husband prior to marriage took care of me and bought me flowers when I had arm surgery, but after marriage refused to escort me to the car after abdominal surgery (he just waited in parking lot). Oh ya I went home that night and picked up and cared for our infant son because he was tired. Ya I'm a little bitter. Be smart and learn from what I'm living, it doesn't get better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Sounds like this man does not cherish you or care too much, not really a prize catch IMHO. My partner takes care of me everyday and to the extreme when I'm sick. I am worth being treated so well, you need to decide what your worth is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Enoxprin said:


> I just felt like he was not very considerate and was acting like an immature selfish jerk.
> 
> what are your thoughts?


You felt correctly.

If I need a bloody vitamin pill, I can call my husband and he will happily stop off on his way home from work and get it for me. 

I would do the same for him. 

Lose this loser.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Enoxprin said:


> I just felt like he was not very considerate and *was acting like an immature selfish jerk*.
> 
> what are your thoughts?


BINGO! You don't need my thoughts or anyone else's here.

You called it correctly.

I am honestly baffled as to why women stay with losers like your bf. This guy is a child. This isn't how a man behaves.

You are not married to him. You don't have kids together.

Jeesh, get the f### outta there. You have a life. Go live it with someone who gives a hoot about you.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

One word: JERK.

I would lose this guy like yesterday.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Even my highly abusive ex took care of me when I was sick.

Just sayin'. Like, how are you NOT going to take care of someone when they're sick?


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Part of the purpose of coupling up is to take care of each other through life. If he can't take care of you, he is not life long material.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Forget boy friend, he is not even worth having as a friend.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Using my phone so cannot quote or like all of the previous posts. I agree.

Get rid of him! Yesterday. There is no reason to be patient with this kind of ..... Well you know what.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Get rid of him. He's out for himself and isn't ready to be part of a relationship. 

Dh always takes care of me when I'm sick and I take care of him. It's hugely important bc the health of human beings isn't a guarantee...how would this guy react if heaven forbid you had something even more serious??


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## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

Look at it this way...this is the best that your relationship with him will ever be...is that good enough for you?


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

While I don't expect my DH to be as doting as I am when he's sick, since I'm extremely nurturing and go a little overboard (nor do I expect him to stay home with me instead of going out on a weekend night, since he's very social), I do expect him to offer to pick up medicines for me without my requesting that of him. If I were breaking out in hives he would probably tell me we need to go to the ER together. 

This part of your post was a red flag to me: "Thursday my cough got really bad and I felt really sick. I had my doctor call in a prescription for me at 11 pm. Unfortunately it did not get ready till 1am. I felt really sick but my SO refused to go get it or even come with me to go get it. I went and got it by myself. I thought it was kind of selfish because he was not sleeping since we both had 4th July off. He was just playing video games." 

Maybe there are larger issues in your relationship that need to be addressed? Is this the only thing that has made you feel insecure?

I am the same as you and like to take time to figure out my feelings before I address issues. If you had to state your feelings in one or two words, what would they be? My mom always says, "Find the feeling!"


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

I've had pneumonia 3 times in the last 2 years. The second time was horrific and a relapse from the first because I was not able to rest and get better. I have 2 kids...don't know if you do. 
Been married 16 years. My H will take off work because he has a hang nail, or needs a personal day, but "can't get off," or simply doesn't try, when I'm the one that's sick. 
In my personal experience...it doesn't look good for you. They don't change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

I will admit that I am not a natural born caretaker. My wife is.. I am not.

I just don't instinctively know what to do. So, what I do is, I ask my wife, "Is there anything I can do for you?" If she asks for water.. I get her a glass. If she asks for tissue.. I get her some.. If she asked me to go get her medication at the drug store at 2:30am... I would get dressed and go get it! When my wife is sick... I try my best to help her...

It is obvious to me.. you simply aren't very high on his priority list. 

This is not what you're looking for in a life partner.

You deserve better.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Enoxprin said:


> In the morning I was going to the doctor because the allergies were really bad and I had hives all over and he goes o want me to drop you off at the doctor or can you drive? I was annoyed so I just drove myself.


Maybe you should let him do things for you when he offers.

Then you can thank him and tell him how much you appreciate it.

If nothing else it's a good start. 

I'm sure you're not going to leave the guy over this as some posters are quick to advise you, so work on the problem rather than avoiding it.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

hambone said:


> I will admit that I am not a natural born caretaker. My wife is.. I am not.
> 
> I just don't instinctively know what to do. So, what I do is, I ask my wife, "Is there anything I can do for you?" If she asks for water.. I get her a glass. If she asks for tissue.. I get her some.. If she asked me to go get her medication at the drug store at 2:30am... I would get dressed and go get it! When my wife is sick... I try my best to help her...
> 
> ...


You're a good 'un  You're still taking care of your wife. Sometimes all it takes is asking what we need


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

Oh my goodness. Lose this ********* pronto! I have the flu right now and just today he did most of my house chores, cared for the baby, brought me food and ate with me. I would do the same for him. You cannot be with someone long term if they aren't willing to help you in your time of need.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

My wife woke up & realized she was getting a yeast infection. I drove 30 miles to a Wal-Mart at 2:30 am to get her monistat suppositories. The 5 love languages book talks about acts of service. How better for me to show her my love & support. We've had our problems, but neither of us would ignore the others needs when they are sick.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How significant of an "SO" is he? Personally, I think your impression is correct. And if he can't concern himself with you now, what's he going to be like when things really get bad?

C


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You have a choice here. You can suffer through in this relationship until it comes to a miserable end somewhere down the track, and it will, or you can end it sooner and start your healing process now. 

People can tell you until they are blue in the face that this guy will never have the sort of love and consideration for you that you want him to, but you will no doubt learn the hard way.

I dated a guy like this for years, and when I felt it was getting to the point of no return (marriage proposal), I ran for the hills. Appreciate him for what he is; a learning experience. He is teaching you how to recognise the traits in a person that mean they are not suitable as a long term partner/husband. This doesn't mean he is a bad person, it doesn't mean you have to hate him, but you really need to UNDERSTAND him.


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