# No idea what to do



## dazedandconfusedguy (May 31, 2012)

Married 15 years, known for 20. Marriage is in a rut, to put it mildly. Financial woes, medical issues, deep rooted differences of opinion,potential value difference. Both of us are moderately to mostly indifferent. In couple's therapy, which I co-erced her to attending. I attend individual therapy. She refuses to talk to anyone about this, professional or otherwise. Don't want to ruin my kids life but feel as if staying is making it worse. 

She won't do anything proactivley to make this work except to tell me what I need to do, never thinks she is wrong, rarely hears what I say, doesn't trust me, hasn't forgiven me for sins from pre-marriage time period, and constantly tells me how bad I am and what I do wrong. I have a good job, voluteer in the community and help wherever and whenever I can around the house. I am a procrastinator which has led to some isssues finacially and am not the most organized perosn and can be a bit of a scatter brain. She cannot articulate why she wants to stay with me other than she doesn't want to be divorced. she's miserable, I am too and am feeling I want out. Is this wrong, what do i do? Help!!!


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Why wouldn't you want out?


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## dazedandconfusedguy (May 31, 2012)

kids, concern that I am making mistake.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

How old are your children?


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## dazedandconfusedguy (May 31, 2012)

12, 10, 8


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Ouch, those are tough ages. I hope you are talking about this in your IC.

You can tough it thru for another 5-6 years for the kids. Two ways to look at that...one is that it's better to not confront them with separation until they are older and better able to understand. But the other way is to consider that children are excellent observers, they already know something is wrong, and is this the model of a marriage you want them to grow up having?

I can't make that decision for you, nor can anyone else. I'm so sorry you are facing this, it's gutwrenching. Please keep reading and posting here.


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