# Oral sex



## New_Life2020 (Nov 17, 2020)

Hi everyone,

I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past 4 years. He is my best friend, he is a great lover and we love each other a lot. 

Our Sex life is very satisfying. Yes, work and life and can sometimes cause a routine, but we always find ways to reconnect and have exciting encounters. He is honestly the Initiator with most new sexy ideas, but i am willing to try pretty much anything he suggests. He is very respectful about everything and its important for him to please me (quite the opposite of my ex !!! Lazy, boring idiot....lol.... ) 

so anyway...Here is the ONLY thing: his oral technique is great, but sometimes its done too hard. When i tell him in that moment to do it softer, he usually adjusts pressure for a moment but then goes back to doing it too hard. I know its only because he gets over excited and probably doesnt understand how sensitive my clit can get (how would he know, he doesnt have one lol ).... i would really like it a lot softer , but it seems i cant get the point across.

Men on here....how would you be ok with your woman telling you something like this WITHOUT taking it as criticism or feeling hurt ? 

I know men are proud and sensitive when it comes to their sexual performance, so i want to make sure he doednt feel embarrassed or criticized by it. But on the other hand, i would like to relax more into oral (knowing its not gonnahier uncomfortable  

Thanks for any advise !


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

New_Life2020 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past 4 years. He is my best friend, he is a great lover and we love each other a lot.
> 
> ...


Have you ever talked to him about this when NOT in the moment? I've had the same conversation with my wife and I didn't get hurt or offended by it. I _want_ to know if I'm doing something wrong. He is down there to please you. "Be more gentle" is far easier to fix and hear than "you suck at oral" so it shouldn't be a horrible conversation.

There is a book called "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner, it could be helpful.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Always no problem.


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## New_Life2020 (Nov 17, 2020)

He is good at oral, its just the pressure...so i would never want him to think i am saying that he is horrible at it. Thats not the case. 

Maybe i am overthinking it.. I just want to make sure he wont feel uncomfortable. II think i just need to communicate in this area of our life better. 

I will take your advice and talk about it when we are not in the moment. Thanks for your input !!


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

Climb on top!

Suggest you sit on his face and then you can vary the pressure by lifting up.

Afterwards explain how good it was to have lighter touch.

To get it started suggest a 69 then sit up.

Of course you should return your attention to him afterwards.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

A well applied back-hand should get the message across.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

The discussion when not engaged in sex is the best time, and the suggested wording is great. Just make sure that he understands that what you are talking about is finer detail, not the overall performance. Try to pay attention to exactly what he is doing wrong and be able to describe a different action to do instead. And make sure to ask him if there are any areas where you can improve as well. It might help if he thinks you allow for your need to tweak your methods.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I am totally OK with a woman telling me what she wants in the bedroom. Thats what makes it fun!


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Easy solution, Get an electronic dog fence collar that comes with a remote buzzer. Tape the buzzer collar to his scrotum, when the pressure is too firm shock him. 

In seriousness it sounds like your relationship is in a really good place so I am in the just discuss it with directness and clarity at a time you are not doing anything. He shouldn't be bothered by it. I wouldn't be.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

New_Life2020 said:


> Men on here....how would you be ok with your woman telling you something like this WITHOUT taking it as criticism or feeling hurt ?
> 
> I know men are proud and sensitive when it comes to their sexual performance, so i want to make sure he doednt feel embarrassed or criticized by it.


I would want to know. I’d be happier knowing, and enjoying the results of improved technique.

The info you are holding back, is info that he can use to change something. It’s not like you’d be telling him about something he cannot change.

Of course, everyone is different. If your husband gets his feelings hurt, then you will know that is a problem — and knowing is a necessary step to address a problem and move forward.

Btw, been meaning to start a thread, but stumbled across a site called omgyes.com, which seems like a positive resource for anyone caring to provide a female greater sexual pleasure. If it looks good to you, maybe someday you’d find a way to use it as a discussion starter with your husband.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm not a man, but since you do in fact think his technique is great I would tell him that, then add that if was just a bit more gentle you could fully enjoy his phenomenal technique.

Constructive suggestions are always better received if you have something positive to start with.

Guys? Thoughts?


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm not a man, but since you do in fact think his technique is great I would tell him that, then add that if was just a bit more gentle you could fully enjoy his phenomenal technique.
> 
> Constructive suggestions are always better reviewed if you have something positive to start with.
> 
> Guys? Thoughts?


I think it also depends on his willingness to do it. For example, my wife does not give a very good blowjob, but if I would complain and ask her to do some things differently as I have done before, then I risk going months without one as has happened before.

So if he is always into it, by all means give him some info on what would make it better. But if its hard to get him to do it at all, tread carefully so you don't lose it altogether.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Grab him by the ears and direct him. I think your thinking about it too hard. I doubt his feelings are that soft.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm not a man, but since you do in fact think his technique is great I would tell him that, then add that if was just a bit more gentle you could fully enjoy his phenomenal technique.
> 
> Construction suggestions are always better received if you have something positive to start with.
> 
> Guys? Thoughts?


Accentuate the positive


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## ishtov (Dec 15, 2019)

Maybe it's a matter of position. He is unconsciously going hard and fast because it might be hard for him to reach the spot or he is in an uncomfortable position.
Maybe start him kneeling on the floor (pillow for knees) with you towards the end of the bed so his neck is not on such an angle. Sitting on him helps too, but he might not be into that.
Bottom line, make sure he is in a position where he can stay for a while...


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

See this is what I don’t get about some other people’s relationships. You’ve been with him for *4* years!

Can’t you just say “Look you’re killing me here, lighten it up!” 

You really have to be this sensitive with someone after *4 years*? I would’ve told him the first time. After this long, I’d be making all kinds of jokes about it. “Oh, is it Black and Decker power sander time again?”

Is this normal for a relationship? No, I’m really asking. Most of the replies have been to show sensitivity and have a discussion and all...so maybe I’m just wrong here. Right? 

I would’ve told him the first time he did it. It’s so easy to show them what you like. Push his head down and just show him. Make him do it like you like!

Surely that’s acceptable? Or maybe I’m just mean like everybody says. 🤨


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

New_Life2020 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past 4 years. He is my best friend, he is a great lover and we love each other a lot.
> 
> ...


Tell nim you are very sensitive and too much pressure hurts. If he starts to do to much during just say, "Easy, baby" It works on me.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> *Constructive *suggestions are always better received if you have something positive to start with.
> 
> Guys? Thoughts?


Nailed it.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

New_Life2020 said:


> He is good at oral, its just the pressure...so i would never want him to think i am saying that he is horrible at it. Thats not the case.
> 
> Maybe i am overthinking it.. I just want to make sure he wont feel uncomfortable. II think i just need to communicate in this area of our life better.
> 
> I will take your advice and talk about it when we are not in the moment. Thanks for your input !!


You are not overthinking this at all. You're responding the only way you know how. And he isn't on the same wavelength. He hears you, but he doesn't HEAR you. 

Are you up to trying something really different? Try a session where you dictate EVERYTHING. It's his job to obey your commands. His job is to do your bidding. Guide him every single step of the way. Use his as a voice-operated sex toy. Using your voice bring yourself, using his body, his mouth, his tongue, to the most mind-blowing orgasm you can imagine. He doesn't get to deviate one iota from your command. You will tell him speed up, slow down, harder, softer, and where you are in the process.

You're brave enough to come here, so I think you can pull this off. Can you do it without your husband losing his own confidence? If the answer is no, then the problem isn't poor technique on his part, but rather that he's more into it for himself than for you. Probably not intentionally; he might not recognize this at all.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

if you want to continue to have this great relationship, you have to get better at communicating. Talk to him about it when you are not engage in sex. "Honey, I love it when you going down on me especially when you are a little more gentle, that's what really gets me off. I love it:"....


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

PieceOfSky said:


> I would want to know. I’d be happier knowing, and enjoying the results of improved technique.
> 
> Btw, been meaning to start a thread, but stumbled across a site called omgyes.com, which seems like a positive resource for anyone caring to provide a female greater sexual pleasure. If it looks good to you, maybe someday you’d find a way to use it as a discussion starter with your husband.


thank you for sharing. So, here we have some good sources:

For men:
omgyes.com

For women:
badgirlsbible.com


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Nailed it.


Hey, no fair! You can modify my posts unilaterally?


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

I would much rather be clued in on what works for my W than not.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

My wife and I both talk during sex -- because things are dynamic with bodies, sometimes you want something harder, softer, a little to the left, etc.. The same thing doesn't work every time.
DEFINITELY talk to your H, even during sex. Don't COMPLAIN, just say it.
Quite different:
"God, would you STOP doing that so hard it's really annoying"
"a little easier, oh yeah that's it!"


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> thank you for sharing. So, here we have some good sources:
> 
> For men:
> omgyes.com
> ...


Fwiw, the omgyes.com seems largely done by women, and significantly for women to explore their own pleasure, with or without a partner. So female DIY-ers or partnered might have a look too.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Can he tell he's hurting you? If so and still does it, that's bad. But most guys would just ease up if you just said, "Gentler." And of course you can remind him when you're not having sex. 

Also, you can pull back if he doesn't ease up after you ask him to or push his head back.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm not a man, but since you do in fact think his technique is great I would tell him that, then add that if was just a bit more gentle you could fully enjoy his phenomenal technique.
> 
> Constructive suggestions are always better received if you have something positive to start with.
> 
> *Guys? Thoughts?*


My suggestion as a guy would be for the wife to say she wants to do some role playing later tonight, where she is the sex teacher and he will be the student. 

Then tell him what today's lesson will be about and let him know he will be graded on both technique and effort. Tell him it will be playful and as his teacher, she will grade him and guide him on each performance. 

Then divide the class into say four acts, each with a different level of pressure or enthusiasm. At the end give him a report card and put a gold star on his forehead and allow his his favorite treat.

That was sort of serious sort of not. What I am really trying to communicate is that you need to take the fear and rejection aspects out of this and make it playful. For some when they accept a role as in role playing they know that it is not for real. What the OP really wants to do is provide her H with some training suffcient to break a habit of too much pressure. That means she needs to repeat it a few times plus give him some positive feedback when he does well (gold star, treat, and good report card).


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Hey, no fair! You can modify my posts unilaterally?


In my defense I only corrected my own typos....I didn't touch anything you wrote 

I hate autocorrect.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> In my defense I only corrected my own typos....I didn't touch anything you wrote
> 
> I hate autocorrect.


Me two.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Me two.


Eye sea watt ewe diddy their. Just begging to be corrected.


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