# Depression ruining my life



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I'm so tired of dealing with depression and anxiety. 20 years of this crap...and my husband is sick of dealing with it too. Says I'm the most miserable person he's ever seen. He isn't built for having to deal with a mental wife. He's done it for years...I can tell he is tired of it and wishes he hadn't married me. Can't say I blame him really.

How am I supposed to know what I should legitimately be upset with with him, what should really hurt my feelings, and what is just in my head? My medications not working well anymore. So the psychiatrist keeps prescribing more to take with my old medicine. So great...I'll just be doped up all the time. I already have trouble with my memory cuz of the stuff I'm on now. My husband is always on me for forgetting things. 

My brother had depression issues too, his whole adulthood. He got sick of dealing with it too and shot himself when he was 43. I fear that with myself. A couple weeks ago I had some kind of a breakdown and took all this medicine all at once just trying not to feel anything. Just trying to numb it. I scared myself. I could have died. Psychiatrist solution? New med added to my two I take now.

I don't blame my husband for hating me. I'd get sick of me, too. Heck, I am sick of me.

I don't know really what answers I'm looking for. I guess I wanna know if I'm gonna have to go to therapy, take drugs, and read therapy type books the rest of my life? I'm so tired of it and I'm only 36. Won't it ever go away?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you thought about getting off the meds? You have been on them for so long... that it might be hard to know who you are without it. That's one of the problem I have with meds. AFter a while the docs pile one on top of the other.

Have you looked into the work being doen by Dr. Amen?

Daniel Amen | Brain Change | Spect Scan | Amen Clinics

My sister just took her Pi-Polar daughter to have him diagnose and treat. THey really emphasize diet and healthy habits first before the meds.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You need a new doctor. Yours sounds worthless.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I went through a severe depression that lasted a few years.

I tried most meds. They ranged from at best very mild symptom relief to useless to harmful.

I got several opinions from different doctors. Don't accept everything you hear at face value but do listen and actually follow-up when you hear something that makes sense. Accept that resistance to treatment and the conviction of helplessness is part of the disease and not reality.

Eventually I completely focused on me in a positive way. I made a list of very achievable goals that will have some other positive effect (eg started with exercising only once in a given week) and I stuck with it come hell or high water. Nothing else in your life is more important than that list. Then add to the list when you achieve something.

If you are alienated from you husband. Add to your list deliberate acts of kindness for him. Doesn't have to me major, but small kind words and kind deeds. Buy him a snack he likes, give him a surprise hug and kiss etc. Don't trust yourself with voicing criticism or complaints casually. Your own negativity will become a feedback loop that will make you feel worse. If something needs correction or attention, decide exactly what you are going to say and only address that one issue and then tell yourself to shut-up. If it starts to spawn a fight, let if go and start again another time.


I initially started visiting a depression support forum but realized quickly that spending too much time thinking about depression was far more harmful than useful.

For the most part you have to give up on your "brain" and focus on your behaviours. Let the negative thoughts bounce around in your brain at the beginning, just focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

Accept that there is no magic pill yet created that will fix the problem entirely.


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## muttgirl (Mar 23, 2012)

Do you have sleep problems too? I sound like you but had my sleep apnea diagnosed. Still have trouble but if I follow the rules(keep a schedule, watch my caffeine, and know that if I am up for an hour I can try to go back to sleep). Still have anxiety and depression but not out of control like when I was younger. It turns out my hormones didn't help any of this for me. Talk therapy also helped change my perspective and gave me courage to center and take care of myself. Hang in there and do it for you, make yourself content and hubby will be happier.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Okay, as is usual with someone who suffers from anxiety and mental issues, you are blowing things way out of proportion. You husband doesn't HATE you, you made that statement. Your husband is not SICK OF YOU AND WONDERS WHY HE MARRIED YOU, you said that statement. You are vilifying this man without giving him a chance to speak for himself.

Classic thing to do with an anxiety disorder. After 20 years of suffering, I finally got the help I needed by counseling and MEDS. Okay, so some meds make you feel fuzzy, isn't that better than pulling your hair out? 

I suffered so long without answers and help, they can drug me until I die and I will not complain.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

I have to agree with endlessgrief. Don't create problems that don't exist. You don't know what he's thinking or anyone else. My therapist told me that I have a "reality perception problem". I imagine things thats being thought by others, ect. Then in your mind you just pile things up that dont exist and make yourself feel worse. just something for you to think about. Dont beat yourself up so bad kiddo.


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## getolife (Apr 10, 2012)

Depression is, as Lordhavok mentioned, a reality perception problem. It might help if you start by accepting that instead of just accepting what the monster in your head is telling you. Depression makes everything worse than it is. There are lifestyle choices that can help as much or more than medication and if you are feeling like the medication you are on is only making things worse, you need to let your doctor know that. 

If you are intimidated by the psychiatrist (as many are) you might want to have a thorough discussion of this with your husband and then ask him to accompany you on your next appointment to help you explain things to the doctor. My husband has bipolar and I almost always go to his appointments to make sure he doesn't forget anything or get bulldozed--there's strength in numbers, even when it's two ordinary people against one trained psychiatrist. Actually, our psychiatrist prefers it this way because she really doesn't want her patients to get substandard care because of communication issues. If you come in feeling hopeless, you probably aren't telling the doctor enough of the right information to make good choices for you. And there are other doctors if this one just isn't listening.

There is all kinds of hope for depression, but there is no "one-size-fits-all" solution, so there's lots of trial and error getting everything right. Do not give up. I don't even know you and I care about you. There must be lots of people who do know you who care even more. 

Get plenty of rest, fresh air and sunshine, a healthy diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, drink something that doesn't have caffeine or carbonation in it to keep properly hydrated, and follow your doctors instructions. Good Luck.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Lionelhutz said:


> I got several opinions from different doctors. Don't accept everything you hear at face value but do listen and actually follow-up when you hear something that makes sense. Accept that resistance to treatment and the conviction of helplessness is part of the disease and not reality.
> 
> Eventually I completely focused on me in a positive way. *I made a list of very achievable goals *that will have some other positive effect (eg started with exercising only once in a given week) and I stuck with it come hell or high water. Nothing else in your life is more important than that list. Then add to the list when you achieve something.
> 
> ...


I loved all of these thoughts. Don't feel overwhelmed by suggestions either. Take it one step at a time. Add one little thing each week.

In terms of your medication, it sounds like it might be time to find a new psychiatrist. While he/she may be an expert in mental health medication, you are the expert of you! You know yourself better than anyone. If you always dread going to the psychiatrist because he is just going to push another pill, try someone else. I am good friends with someone called a psychiatric nurse practitioner. She is able to prescribe medication and generally spends an hour with the person getting to know them and their symptoms before prescribing medication.

Pay attention as well to you diet. You may try experiencing different things like decreasing your carbs and increasing your protein, etc.

All in all, do something different, no matter how small of a difference it may be.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Wow...I know it took a long time for me to answer this but I just wanted to thank all of you for caring enough about a stranger to reach out and help. It is very inspiring and gives me so much hope. Thank you!


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