# My husband of less than 2yrs choked me until I couldnt breathe..



## usernameya

Can pls hear some advice from anyone? 

I'd like to start with some backround, we met online in 2006, i went to stay with him 3 times for a month each time in 2007, in 2008 i stayed for 3 mths before problems rose and i left, got halfway home and turned around and came back to him. a few mths later he backhanded me during a fight. i was going to leave but didnt, ended up getting pregnant weeks later...I told myself i could not stay in that house and raise a child with him so i left, telling him it was basically over and im having an abortion. Well, i left two days later, to my parents. i did not go through with the abortion. I stayed home(very far away in another country)and had my beautiful child. He came to be with me for the birth and came back 4 mths later to marry me. partially for visa purposes really, and it wasnt a real wedding. For financial reasons on both ends I stayed away until our son was 1. While I was pregnant it was so easy to recreate all the good times and forget the bad, I was pregnant , lonely and missing him. I forgot I already was going to leave him TWICE and he hit me. Soo i went backk as i said nad we lived a generally happy life for 1 yr together., we have had a few intense arguments where I have threatened him to just hit me(he raised his hand), but other than stresses fro no money, bills etc, we were ok. One month ago we were having an argument, near the end I gave up on the conversation and said "u know what, **** it", in an instant he raged flew at my neck choking me, in front of our two yr old, i thought he was only going to do it for a secand so i didnt fight back, just laid back on the couch, then when i couldnt breath and he wasnt letting go i started fighting back, hard. I was able to get out 'i cant breathe!' he replied ' i know u cant ****ing breathe'..........he left marks on my neck that lasted a week. i couldnt even turn my neck at all the following day(s) and the day after someone even asked me if i was sick bcuz my voice was coarse..it sounds surreal when i type it out into a story like this. i left 8 days after it happened, with our son. i have been out of the house for three weeks now and he has said all of the things it seems everyother man says in this sitution to their wives. Altho somewhere in my heart I still like to think that he's different, it REALLY was so surprising. he has since admitted to hving anger problems, and said i was part of his staying good bcuz i was so understanding and chilled. well. i knew leaving was the rite thing, i hope? i still feel very guilty for tearing up a family leaving my stepdaughter. but i couldnt stay knowing he is capable of reacting like that....o yea, he says he was under a lot of stress and thought i was saying f it to our relationship...he is a lot older than me.


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## Jellybeans

Abusers * don't *change. They get worse over time. 

So you can either remove yourself and your child from that kind of environment or look forward to more of this: 



usernameya said:


> Ca few mths later he backhanded me during a fight.
> 
> I forgot I already was going to leave him TWICE and he hit me.
> 
> One month ago we were having an argument, near the end I gave up on the conversation and said "*u know what, **** it", in an instant he raged flew at my neck choking me, in front of our two yr old, *i thought he was only going to do it for a secand so i didnt fight back, just laid back on the couch, *then when i couldnt breath and he wasnt letting go i started fighting back, hard. I was able to get out 'i cant breathe!' he replied ' i know u cant ****ing breathe'..........he left marks on my neck that lasted a week. i couldnt even turn my neck at all the following day(s*


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## Runs like Dog

So what's your question? I don't know where you're from, but in the US something like 4/5ths of all women who are murdered are murdered by a husband or bf. How does that grab you? How does leaving your daughter with a dead mom and a murderous dad in prison, to be raised by foster care or some relatives, strike you?

You have four options, grab your baby and leave him with no forwarding address, get him sent to prison for a long time, kill him in self defense or wait to be murdered.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

Runs like Dog said:


> So what's your question? I don't know where you're from, but in the US something like 4/5ths of all women who are murdered are murdered by a husband or bf. How does that grab you? How does leaving your daughter with a dead mom and a murderous dad in prison, to be raised by foster care or some relatives, strike you?
> 
> You have four options, grab your baby and leave him with no forwarding address, get him sent to prison for a long time, kill him in self defense or wait to be murdered.


:iagree: Glad you stated it first. I was trying to figure out a way to not sound so blunt.

usernameya ~ You may not be so lucky as to escape this man with your life next time.


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## Jellybeans

Runs like Dog said:


> You have four options, grab your baby and leave him with no forwarding address, get him sent to prison for a long time, kill him in self defense or wait to be murdered.


Pretty much this!


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## usernameya

I really do know u all are right, and I guess the reason I made this post was to hear it again, from strangers I guess. Of course he told me not to listen to other ppl bcuz they just want me back and they dont know what we feel for eachother on a daily basis...I've been at my best friends and will be at my parents in a few days.


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## usernameya

It i guess is hard for me to look at him the way i know everyone who looks at the story does. BUT i am a strong beautiful intelligent woman, still in my 20s, with a beautiful son. I come from a good family, I know I will be alright, its him, in a way i feel sorry for him for messing it up. For losing me when he was already lucky to have me,


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## Jellybeans

usernameya said:


> I really do know u all are right, and I guess the reason I made this post was to hear it again, from strangers I guess. Of course he told me not to listen to other ppl bcuz they just want me back and they dont know what we feel for eachother on a daily basis...I've been at my best friends and will be at my parents in a few days.


Well yeah. That's how abusers operate. They want to isolate you from any/everyone who may see righ tthrough their BS. 

It is NOT ok for a man to put his hands on you ever. It is NOT ok for anyone to choke you til you can't breathe in front of your two year old. 

You can expect more of the same if you stay. Promise. 

You are right... he was lucky to have you in his life. But he is too idiotic to appreciate you and unwilling to change.

Also... the worst thing you could do to you child is keep that child in such an environment. They will grow up thinking that is how men treat women, possibly treat women like that thmself someday and it will do MAJOR DAMAGE to their mind and otherwise.


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## Avalon

Are you willing to risk the life of your child? Because that is exactly what you are doing any time you come in contact with that man.


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## solitudeseeker

Do not feel sorry for him. He is fully responsible for his actions.

Get out. He will attack you again. Get your family behind you, find a crisis center for women to help you. Get out now. No second chances for this man.


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## Jellybeans

She feels sorry cause that is how most victims of abuse feel unfortunately.

They get conditioned to thinking they are always to blame for everything so when they feel they are doing something "wrong" they feel it 100x worse than someone in a healthy mindset. 

You need to let go of this jerk, User. Do not waste the rest of your life on someone who has so little respect for you.


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## unbelievable

If you have a father and brothers, perhaps they should pay your husband a visit and have a private man to jerk counseling session with him. Once he got out of the hospital, I'm sure he would be more respectful. If they aren't available, you have a few options. Ideally, you'd call the police the next time he puts an unkind hand on you and a judge could explain things to him. Another option would be for you to split and seek refuge in a safe place. As for option 3, I suppose he eats and you, at least occasionally, prepare his meals. I know I'd take very little garbage from someone who gave me direct access to their gastrointestinal system.


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## usernameya

I did leave. i am in another country now, I left a week after it happened. I have thought to myself, what if my best friend, closest female family member or even the daughter i may have one day told me this happened to them. I would tell them to GET THE HECK OUTTA THERE, i would tell them i dont care about any of the good times or anything else. He is generally a peaceful person and did not really fight for me to stay, i packed up and left with all my things and the baby while he was at work. I was at a hotel for a few days before leaving completely. I let him see our son before we left and even saw him outside the hotel the night before i left, we talked for almost an hour. a lot of silence, talking, if there was a chance for him to say anything to me to make me stay he obviously didnt. I knew i had to leave and now actually thinking about divorce is surreal. i feel better leaving but i was happy with him before all this too..


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## unbelievable

What you term "choking" is actually strangulation and I charge folks with attempted murder for it.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

unbelievable said:


> I know I'd take very little garbage from someone who gave me direct access to their gastrointestinal system.


:smthumbup:


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## usernameya

Thank you all. I have read and reread your responses I don't know how many times. I read it aloud to my best friend and she didn't say much because she already knows and has said these things to me. 

Since it happened I have been sitting reading on all these different forums, crying, knowing what these women were going through, at least understanding a bit. And then I thought, what if I put my story up..what would be said to ME..? 

At this point I can confidently say I feel free of the incredible restriction I had been feeling. Every single day I see clearer, see the situation in simpler eyes, not through the eyes of a lonely in love woman, miles away from family, whose life revolves entirely around her husband. 

Again thanks to everyone who has replied. You really don't know just how much your words have helped..


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## unbelievable

Bench & Bar of Minnesota

Most domestic homicides are preceded by an incident of strangulation. States are starting to recognize this and bring the hammer down on abusers who resort to this kind of violence. See above.


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## Runs like Dog

I still recommend a purse sized plastic and titanium framed hammerless snub .38 revolver. My mom carries one.


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## karole

.......or a Glock


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## usernameya

A good friend told me, God doesn't give you what you think you want, not because you don't deserve it, but because you deserve better..


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## mayatatia

RUUUN!!!!! and don't look back! It is escalating and very dangerous. Later on, he will abuse your children. RUN as quickly as you can!


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## Runs like Dog

karole said:


> .......or a Glock


Leftie here. I don't like getting hit in the face with a case ejection. No, an S&W 340PD w/ .38 +P hollowpoint will stop any man you come across. The lightweight frame does kick quite a bit but inside of 25' as long as you don't hit yourself the face, it's all good. Weighs under 12oz. 

And trust me, I don't like guns. I don't own guns. But I know how to use them and I have trained to use them. And if some psycho is coming for a family member he's gettin' got.


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