# Verification strategy



## HealthyMe (Jul 2, 2012)

I could use some help in formulating a good strategy to verify that my husband is upholding the NC letter. The last D day was fairly recent when I learned we were in false R (9 months), that my WH had merely taken the PA deeper underground. I'm exhausted and can't seem to think straight, so if I could get some helpful ideas, that would be great.

The very ugly facts: My WH had a PA with a coworker for over a year. They no longer work together, as they both have moved on to different companies. In this newer scenario, my WH was going over to her house (one town away) when I was working on the weekends or teaching Sunday school (nice, huh?). They maintained ongoing communication through work phones, home phones (he selectively deleted call history on handset), cell phones and emailing each other through various email addresses - gmail and yahoo. When at home, my WH used his iphone and ipad for the emails. He has given me his passwords and I know how to check website data on both devices. I used a VAR in his car (that is how I discovered that we were in false R), but he does not know exactly how I obtained specific information about the phonecalls I intercepted. His cell phone bill is handled by his company, so I do not have access to his cell phone call history. I am not comfortable hacking his iphone or ipad to install a keylogger as both are company equipment.

Yes, he is expressing remorse, and his behavior finally appears to be open and honest. But of course, you never know...

I think I need to add a GPS car tracker, but honestly, what I would really appreciate is a comprehensive to-do list because my head is swimming.

Thanks...


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

A couple of things:

what type of landline service do you have? copper? or is it coax (cable company) or fiber optic (like Verizon). If it's the latter two, you should be able to get a digital record on your computer of the phone calls that have been made, at least the outgoing, for however many months you've had the service. Caller id info should also be listed for at least this month--that's what we have with Verizon FIOS.

As far as his cell, you can open an online account for the cell to view bills. I did exactly that with my husband after DD#2--it had never occurred to me to do it before. All you need is his email address associated with the phone. It will notify him that the online account was set up, but if you create the account when you're sure he's busy (like, asleep), then you can print off the last 12 months' worth of bills (do this first, they only keep 12 mos. worth) plus, for Verizon wireless, the current month's texts (NOT the words, but the date/time/location they were sent).


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

He's a repeat cheater, you can't trust him now, you probably will never be able to trust him.

Have you considered the alternative to stepping up on the surveillance?

He's certainly not Mr. Perfect.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Gps, VARs, keylogger on computer, PI

He has to let you see his iphone, ipad anytime you want and he gives you all his passwords. There is only one reason he can refuse. In that event you have to decide if you want to be number two.


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## HealthyMe (Jul 2, 2012)

iheartlife - Are you thinking that I can set up an online account on his company phone?

sharkeey - yes, I am contemplating D. He knows this. we have 2 beautiful daughters, and for now, that is the reason I'm also contemplating another attempt at R. And, there are healthy/positive reasons other than the girls. I hate this.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Wow...we are in the exact same situation at the exact same time. 
2 young daughters, contemplating D, serial cheater WH promising me the world after years of cheating..it's a sticky one


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

HealthyMe said:


> iheartlife - Are you thinking that I can set up an online account on his company phone?


Well, I thought my H had a company phone, but it turns out it's really his phone and he gets some subsidy from the company for the phone (i.e., a little extra pay, like having your parking fees paid for). I just assumed that since he used it for work, it was on the company account. Not all companies do it this way, but many of them do, because then they can make sure their employees have a phone but they aren't 100% responsible for what they do with that phone. (His company does have some extra encryption on the phone itself, but that obviously doesn't affect looking at the bill.)


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