# People who travel for business



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

What are thoughts on people who are married and travel for business? Do you feel if they are gone a lot due to traveling they are more likely to cheat?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I am gone for MONTHS at a time and I don't cheat.

I think this is the wrong way to characterize it.

A person who travels has more OPPORTUNITY to cheat in a way that is harder to discover. Whether they cheat or not is still in their character, not their circumstance. 

There is a woman discussed on this forum who is a SAHM and LIVES WITH HER MOTHER...and she still cheats.

People make their opportunities traveling or not.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I travel for business but my travel is not consistent. Honestly, I've never put myself into these types of situations to cheat. I'll go out to dinner with clients, but make sure to maintain a professional image because you never know when you will get burned by acting like a fool. But when I am on my own in the evenings, I don't go out to bars or anything. I'll stick around the hotel room and talk to the wife and kids, watch TV, surf the net, etc...

Obviously it can be a challenge for both the stay behind spouse and the traveling spouse.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I know this will offend the faithful travelers among us, but yes, I do think cheating is more likely (statistically - examples of non-cheaters notwithstanding). Not just with the travelers, but also with the spouse left behind. It's pretty hard to have a sustainable relationship when you're not actually together. Oh, and keep in mind that my thoughts depend highly on what you mean by travel for business. I'm thinking of someone who is gone every week for more days than they're home. Traveling for business a few times a year is not what I'm talking about.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I travel all the time for work and I haven't cheated. I think if you've got yourself a cheater they'll find a way to cheat. No doubt, it'd be easier to cheat a long way from home, if someone had the inclination to. If your guy is only being faithful because he might otherwise get caught, his faithfulness isn't worth very much.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I travel all the time for work and I haven't cheated. I think if you've got yourself a cheater they'll find a way to cheat. No doubt, it'd be easier to cheat a long way from home, if someone had the inclination to. If your guy is only being faithful because he might otherwise get caught, his faithfulness isn't worth very much.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Depends on the character of the person and the type of travel. Also depends on the character of the person who's staying home. No doubt being apart and having a lack of stability is hard on a relationship. People's needs don't get met and it fosters anxiety/insecurity.

I'd say travel with male and female colleagues to domestic locations probably creates more opportunity to cheat. While travel to oil rigs, war zones, construction/mining sites likely limits the opportunity to cheat.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I've traveled for business but it's not a monthly occurrence. I take a week long business trip at least once a year. Sometimes my spouse has come with me. Those have been some of my best business trips. Even when I travel alone, I don't cheat. I'm so exhausted from the travel that I barely have time to sightsee even though I get sent to really scenic places sometimes. Most of the time I crash in my hotel room until the next morning. 

I don't think traveling in and of itself will lead to cheating. It can lead to a disconnect between the spouses. You're not spending that much 1:1 time with your spouse. You're leading two independent lives instead of two interconnected lives. In that scenario, it's easy to grow apart and become complacement about your relationship. That could lead someone, who has poor boundaries to cheat, but it's not the traveling per se that causes the cheating. 

My two cents.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

We make a serious effort. We've watched DOZENS of programs together, IMing the entire way as a way to keep connected.

It's hard though.


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## Pinkme (Oct 15, 2012)

DH is in the military and has been gone for months at a time. Granted 7 of the past 8 years he has been on a boat BUT they do pull into Ports where temptation is always around. The last year he has traveled 2-4 weeks every quarter. Do I worry he cheats NO, because we trust each other and respect each other. Lately we have been keeping each other company while he has been out of town so there is no need for him to cheat.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I think, given two people, both of whom have a propensity for cheating but who never have, that if you send one on a business trip and the other one stays home, the one sent on the business trip is more likely to end up actually cheating, on the trip, than the other one.

Business trips do provide opportunities for not getting caught that some people cannot find anywhere else.

But unless someone wants to cheat, they aren't going to on a business trip, or anywhere else.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

If someone is going to cheat, they will do so durng business travel or right under their spouses nose. I travel a few times a year for my job and all I end up doing is having a few beers at night and rubbing one out before going to sleep.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I traveled for years about 60% of the time and I never cheated. My marriage was rocky at the time and the thought did cross my mind but I would have never done it. I'm way too ethical for that. I take my promises seriously.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Since an affair (EA/PA) can develop in the workplace without travelling further than the lunch/break room, I don't believe that travelling for business really makes that much of a difference...But there is that old stereotype that business travellers behave badly when no one (wife/husband) can see them. But affairs can happen anywhere, you don't need to be gone overnight (as many of you are painfully aware).

A couple of weeks ago I got word that my husband will be leaving in the New Year for 5 weeks, then after that a 2:2 schedule. So I really have to make myself believe that people who are away for work behave!


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

I agree cheaters will cheat wherever and whenever, but it is statistically proven that hotel lobby bars and conventions are probable picking grounds and set the stage for many PAs. Travel makes it easier for the cheater to hide, provides opportunity without long-term hassle. There is an anonymity to convention travel, similar to that of being on-line. The cheater can pretend to be something they are not then leave and go back to the 'real world'. Furthermore, the alcohol consumption and the after hours, evening partying with the oppositie sex can be dismissed as business networking.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> What are thoughts on people who are married and travel for business? Do you feel if they are gone a lot due to traveling they are more likely to cheat?


I do...but that's just my paranoia probably. My husband travels a few times a year and has omitted things like women he has gone to dinner with (I mean, he went with more than one person, but I usually find out later that there was another attractive woman there too the same age as him and he just kind of left that info out...). He did mention one time that him and a group of people went to a bar after dinner and one of the guys was hitting on a prostitute that "worked" outside of the bar. I don't trust men any farther than I can see them, so I think the likelihood of them cheating is high.


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## Camarillo Brillo (Oct 10, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I traveled for years about 60% of the time and I never cheated. My marriage was rocky at the time and the thought did cross my mind but I would have never done it. I'm way too ethical for that. I take my promises seriously.


Same exact situation here. There were years where I traveled extensively. I intentionally avoided the hotel bars and rarely did anything besides spend the night reading and ordering in room service. I saw way too many pitiful, sad caricatures of guys hanging out at the bars just trying to hook up.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Camarillo Brillo said:


> Same exact situation here. There were years where I traveled extensively. I intentionally avoided the hotel bars and rarely did anything besides spend the night reading and ordering in room service. I saw way too many pitiful, sad caricatures of guys hanging out at the bars just trying to hook up.


:iagree:

I don't have enough time to type the things I have seen.

I have to add though that it is not just guys. I have seen one too many really nice guys who would never run around on their wives, mess up bad and one too many reserved, wholesome girls turn into raging hormonal Lolitas


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

True, but I'm inclined to be more wary of office or online EAs or so called friendships with the opposite sex.

Like you said, cheaters cheat, and cheaters hide, and there's no need to be away anywhere to accomplish any of that.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

DayDream said:


> I do...but that's just my paranoia probably. My husband travels a few times a year and has omitted things like women he has gone to dinner with (I mean, he went with more than one person, but I usually find out later that there was another attractive woman there too the same age as him and he just kind of left that info out...). *He did mention one time that him and a group of people went to a bar after dinner and one of the guys was hitting on a prostitute that "worked" outside of the bar. I don't trust men any farther than I can see them, so I think the likelihood of them cheating is high.*


Is your husband one of 'those' guys? Doesn't sound like it if he's telling you about this. Those guys form a tight little club, called 'never tell the wives anything'...I can spot those cheesy-bar-guy types a mile away anyway, and I didn't marry a guy like that.


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## lovetopleasewife (Oct 7, 2012)

I travel on a regular and have never even come close to cheating on my wife. First, I don't put myself in that position. I don't go to hang out at the hotel bars at night, I spend time on the phone and IM with my wife and kids. I will not do a dinner alone with a female. If I have a dinner with a group that involves a female I tell my wife prior to the dinner. I have gone to lunch alone with a female, but I call or text my wife first to be on the up and up let her know the situation.

I agree with the rest of what everyone is saying, a cheater is a cheater and will find a way to cheat if they want. Either you are committed and faithful or your not. You need to have trust in your relationship, but still put in appropriate safeguards.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> True, but I'm inclined to be more wary of office or online EAs or so called friendships with the opposite sex.
> 
> Like you said, cheaters cheat, and cheaters hide, and there's no need to be away anywhere to accomplish any of that.


Work travel sets up a very specific set of parameters, I agree that the office or online EA is certainly more insidious and pervasive.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I travel for business and it never even crossed my mind.
My wife also goes on vacations without me and I am home alone for a period of time.
Never crossed my mind.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Is your husband one of 'those' guys? Doesn't sound like it if he's telling you about this. Those guys form a tight little club, called 'never tell the wives anything'...I can spot those cheesy-bar-guy types a mile away anyway, and I didn't marry a guy like that.


I like to think not, but like I said...I've been there way too many times before to trust a man. My husband isn't a big drinker but he's the type that tries to "fit in" if others are doing it, just so he isn't the odd man out (I hate that, BTW...be your own person you fool!).


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> I travel for business and it never even crossed my mind.
> My wife also goes on vacations without me and I am home alone for a period of time.
> Never crossed my mind.


Good for you! Very honorable.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

DayDream said:


> I like to think not, but like I said...I've been there way too many times before to trust a man. My husband isn't a big drinker but he's the type that tries to "fit in" if others are doing it, just so he isn't the odd man out (I hate that, BTW...be your own person you fool!).


I know what you mean, and trust is an issue for me as well, but deep down, I know that my husband is one of the good guys.

Besides, he knows what I'd do if I ever caught him with his pants down, so to speak, and I think that's enough to make him think twice no matter what unlikely situation he may find himself in.

Boundaries are important, but so are hard non-negotiable consequencess.


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