# Feeling resentful, wondering where to go from here....



## crazybeautiful3333 (Jul 7, 2011)

So here is the situation.....
I am engaged to a man I love with all my heart. We have been together 5 1/2 years, engaged for 3 1/2 years. We have been through sooo much together, much more than I care to explain here...We have had many very good times and many very bad times. We have this connection that is unbelievable. I truley feel that we were meant to be together and I will do anything I need to to fix and/or better our relationship...

With that being said lately I am beginning to feel resentful of him. I know that this is not good, and that I need to talk to him about it, but the problem is I do not know how to go about telling him the things that are bothering me because they are all things about him. I know him very well and I know if I begin telling him these things he will just become defensive, angry and upset and it will get us no where. However, if I hold these things inside the resentment will continue to grow and may eventually cause even bigger problems.

We were arguing the other day and I decided to make a list about why I was so angry with him and it actually surprised me to see how many deep issues that I have been pushing away came out. I realized that there are many things that seem little alone, that when put together become a big issue. There are also big issues that I try not to acknowledge because they worry and hurt me too much.

Now I know I am not perfect. I have many flaws, and do many things that I'm sure he does not love. I am very insecure and jealous, and I tend to overreact about things. I am also a bit of a perfectionist, and he says I am controlling.

I understand all this and am trying to change these things not only for our relationship, but for myself...However, the things that are bothering me currently are pretty much all related to him. We have been arguing and not talking for the past few days because I am very bothered by these things but do not know how to go about talking to him about them, therefore I am just coming off as a *****.

I hate it when things are like this. I hate it when we argue and when this distance comes between us. I long to be content again, to feel that overwhelming feeling of hapiness and love that is usually present, but the resentment that is building is pushing me away.

I know the obvious thing to do is get over it and talk to him about how I am feeling, but how can I do that without making him feel attacked, unappreciated, and angry?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he won't listen to what you have to say and how you feel without feeling "attacked, unappreciated and angry" then you have bigger problems.

Just as you lsiten to him, you should listen to you.

Also you may want to work on why you feel you can't voice your concerns. That is not healthy at all.


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## crazybeautiful3333 (Jul 7, 2011)

Its just that I am always trying to spare his feelings and avoid an aurgument. And at times I think I may be being too critical of him and that I should just accept him and his faults if I truley love him and want to be with him....You are right though...I know from experience if we begin having problems communicating we will not last.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok. Well then accept the fact that if you guys get married and you continue "sparing HIS feelings" and ignoring your own in order to "avoid an argument" you can expect that dynamic to play out continuously in your relationship. Eventually it will wear you down and make you resentful of him and will NOT end well.

All his needs are being met and yours aren't. That sucks.


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## crazybeautiful3333 (Jul 7, 2011)

Yes you're right.....I guess if we are disconnected and arguing now anyway I might as well tell him how I feel...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think that is a very good idea.


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## ChooseToLove (Jul 15, 2011)

Any advice for someone who started having the same problem AFTER the wedding? I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall.


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