# Was I wrong to apply for a consolidation loan??



## Salty93 (Jul 1, 2021)

To preface this, my husband only pays two bills. His student loan bill and a loan he took out to pay the local hardware store when our house insurance refused to pay for a busted pipe. The rest of the bills we have acquired over the years are my responsibility to pay on time using both our bank accounts. Bills are the absolute worst part of paydays (when are they not). He has no idea how bad off we are until one goes unpaid and they start reaching out to him. Yesterday I realized that I made out too many bills and will be under in the bank so in desperation I applied for and got approved for a consolidation loan of $7k. It won’t take care of all of our bills but it will pay off some of them (I.e credit card and medical). I asked my mom if she would help me and tell me what I should do because she’s good with figuring out finances. I was not planning on telling him about the loan but this morning he came home with the intentions of doing something illegal to pay for the bills. I told him about the loan and he got upset saying we will have to apply for bankruptcy if we get another loan. I’m assuming he misunderstood when I said it was already approved so I just dropped the conversation. Now I feel like what I did was the wrong thing to do. Granted I’m not good with money but at least I’m not doing illegal things to get back on top.I feel like nothing I do is right. Please help what should I do?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Neither of you should be doing serious financial moves w/o keeping the other in the loop. If you start telling him what you plan to do and he isn't interested, that is different.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

In my experience in hearing about people getting consolation loans .... they just keep spending and end up paying the same monthly because they just rack up more bills. Be careful!!!!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

You two need to sit down together and go over all the bills - together. You should both know, every month, exactly where you are financially. And neither of you should ever take out a loan without the other's knowledge and consent. 

What you _should_ do is use a budgeting tool to get a clear picture of where your money is going and why and _stop spending money you clearly don't have_. Make a budget, stick to it, pay down debt, stop wracking up more debt.

As to your husband's plan to do something illegal to get out of debt, well, I'm not sure what to tell you. Are you okay with being married to a guy who thinks the way to fix money problems is to become a criminal? If either you or he think that's normal or okay, then you have a _lot_ more than just the finances to work on.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rowan said:


> You two need to sit down together and go over all the bills - together. You should both know, every month, exactly where you are financially. And neither of you should ever take out a loan without the other's knowledge and consent.
> 
> What you _should_ do is use a budgeting tool to get a clear picture of where your money is going and why and _stop spending money you clearly don't have_. Make a budget, stick to it, pay down debt, stop wracking up more debt.
> 
> As to your husband's plan to do something illegal to get out of debt, well, I'm not sure what to tell you. Are you okay with being married to a guy who thinks the way to fix money problems is to become a criminal? If either you or he think that's normal or okay, then you have a _lot_ more than just the finances to work on.


I agree with this.
Consolidate if you get a favorable rate, you pay ON TIME, and you do not continue to create more debt. 

Banks and credit cards thrive because most people are not disciplined enough to pay down their debt per the terms stated. 

When you don't meet those terms, the bank and credit card companies gouge you with the high interest rates that are written in the small print.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Salty93 said:


> To preface this, my husband only pays two bills. His student loan bill and a loan he took out to pay the local hardware store when our house insurance refused to pay for a busted pipe. The rest of the bills we have acquired over the years are my responsibility to pay on time using both our bank accounts. Bills are the absolute worst part of paydays (when are they not). He has no idea how bad off we are until one goes unpaid and they start reaching out to him. Yesterday I realized that I made out too many bills and will be under in the bank so in desperation I applied for and got approved for a consolidation loan of $7k. It won’t take care of all of our bills but it will pay off some of them (I.e credit card and medical). I asked my mom if she would help me and tell me what I should do because she’s good with figuring out finances. I was not planning on telling him about the loan but this morning he came home with the intentions of doing something illegal to pay for the bills. I told him about the loan and he got upset saying we will have to apply for bankruptcy if we get another loan. I’m assuming he misunderstood when I said it was already approved so I just dropped the conversation. Now I feel like what I did was the wrong thing to do. Granted I’m not good with money but at least I’m not doing illegal things to get back on top.I feel like nothing I do is right. Please help what should I do?


You did the wrong thing by taking out the loan impulsively and not talking to your husband about it first, but doing a debt consolidation loan may not be the worst thing. Did you get a personal loan to consolidate the debt or did you use a debt consolidation company?


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Not a terrible idea, but at the end of the day, its just "transferring" debt, when all efforts should be made to pay it down...Sometimes lower interest rates or consolidation takes the impetus out of it...


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Your problem isn't money. Your relationship is broken and money issues are a symptom. The two of you are off doing your own thing and not talking to one another about it. I'm a financial counselor and I see this all the time. Find a good counselor and get some help. Money and money fights is one of the top reasons for divorce so you two need to address this immediately.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Spend a lot of time at A Proven Plan for Financial Success | RamseySolutions.com. They also have a Facebook group. A consolidation loan is almost never the right thing to do financially for the reasons mentioned above. I'll just leave this here, but married couples should have combined finances. I know a lot of people disagree, but then they can't disagree that money is the number one cause of divorce in the United States and probably the world.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Salty 

Getting a loan makes sense if both of you guys are on board and both understand the real issue which is spending . If you guys can’t come up with a systematic budget to live on then the loan becomes another albatross around your neck . Living on a budget even a strict budget as the case may be requires both parties to systematically agree . Your husband has to be on board everything there’s no hiding anything or else further chaos will ensue.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Salty93 exactly how illegal was his idea? Would you potentially be in trouble if he put his illegal plan into action?


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Playing with loans and finances without both in the loop is NOT a good idea, though your intentions are good. 

Just to be open, I, and probably some others here are good with finances, and may be able to offer some help. From the outside though, it would seem you guys have a serious financial crisis and I cannot yet understand why. It sounds like minimal bills, a lack of income, and probably way over paying on........RENT....... or something like that. 

A consolidation loan, depending on the terms, is rarely a solution. Many are in business to scam you. Many have balloon payments, adjustable APR, etc. If a loan will just buy you time, it is NOT a solution. Let's get a solution!


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

frasheron said:


> Financial experts advise not to take out a mortgage if the contribution takes away more than half of the salary.


Dave Ramsey says 25% except in ridiculously expensive states, like California.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

To answer your initial question, if the loan is at a lower interest rate (including fees) than the debts you paid off then yes it was good in a financial sense. As others have said you guys need to talk about money together.

I have to ask, what was his brilliant (illegal) plan to get out of debt? Also, you mentioned his student loan debt, what did he go to school for?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Al_Bundy said:


> I have to ask, what was his brilliant (illegal) plan to get out of debt?


The op was 4 months ago. I wouldn't hold my breath.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> The op was 4 months ago. I wouldn't hold my breath.


Good catch. I didn't look at the date. Maybe they tried his idea out and now aren't available to chat lol.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Omg…all these old threads…gah!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Unshaken (Sep 22, 2021)

It seems that in a family, money is a taboo topic, more so than sex. And most of the time divorces happen because of money because we don't discuss and make decisions together.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

so YOU are in charge of the bills, and he is not interested in knowing the details. You found a solution (a loan) and assuming it was not at usury rates, you did the right thing.
but a 7K loan sounds like it is a lot of money for you, so really you SHOULD have told him about it first.


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## maxburton (7 mo ago)

Salty93 said:


> To preface this, my husband only pays two bills. His student loan bill and a loan he took out to pay the local hardware store when our house insurance refused to pay for a busted pipe. The rest of the bills we have acquired over the years are my responsibility to pay on time using both our bank accounts. Bills are the absolute worst part of paydays (when are they not). He has no idea how bad off we are until one goes unpaid and they start reaching out to him. Yesterday I realized that I made out too many bills and will be under in the bank so in desperation I applied for and got approved for a consolidation loan of $7k. It won’t take care of all of our bills but it will pay off some of them (I.e credit card and medical). I asked my mom if she would help me and tell me what I should do because she’s good with figuring out finances. I was not planning on telling him about the loan but this morning he came home with the intentions of doing something illegal to pay for the bills. I told him about the loan and he got upset saying we will have to apply for bankruptcy if we get another loan. I’m assuming he misunderstood when I said it was already approved so I just dropped the conversation. Now I feel like what I did was the wrong thing to do. Granted I’m not good with money but at least I’m not doing illegal things to get back on top.I feel like nothing I do is right. Please help what should I do?


You and your partner should sit down and go over all of the bills together. Every month, you should both be aware of your financial situation. And you should never take out a loan without the knowledge and approval of the other. You should consolidate, If you receive a good rate, pay on time, and don't add to your debt.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Consolidation loans per se are not a bad idea. Usually you can lower your interest rates if you are consolidating CC's. The trap most people fall into is they do the loan and keep using the CCs they just paid off so now they have a loan payment and the usual CC debt. 

So before you get a consolidation loan:
1. Make the decision with your spouse!! It's their money too (marital property).
2. Figure out if it's actually lowering your interest, usually there is some origination fee that can make the actual interest rate higher than the one they advertise.
3. Create a budget, stick to it, put your CC's in a zip lock bag filled with water and throw them in the freezer if you need to.
4. Monitor you budget weekly and figure out where your overspending.

If you do this then the consolidation loan may pay off.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@maxburton ,

The advice you're giving is sound, but on old threads like this, the original poster (OP) hasn't been back to the site for a couple years--so posting on the thread won't get the message you're sharing to the person who started the post. 

If you have specific advice about money or loans or finances in marriage, you can start a thread of your own. You are here and then we (folks here on TAM) can write to you (OP) and it will be a dialogue!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

As the OP hasn't been back in nearly a year, Zombie Cat agrees that this thread should be closed down.


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