# My daughter may have special needs, wtf do I do?



## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

So not only has 2017 been a crap year of my STBX walking out and me then grappling with single motherhood and university (all whilst depressed) but I believe my child is displaying signs of a disability. 

She is 8 months' old and still cannot sit upright by herself, she makes very little eye contact, is very quiet and rarely babbles, plays with her hands all day and stares at the fan for a long time. Her signs are classic early signs of autism. My heart is completely broken. All I wanted is for her to be happy, she already has a deadbeat father who abandoned her and a mentally unstable mother yet might potentially have to struggle in life with such a condition. I love my baby girl tremendously, why did this have to happen to her...?

Also, haven't I gone through enough? As if my life hadn't already exploded right before my eyes. I am broke, unemployed and still have 2 years left before graduating university. I have an appointment scheduled with the child behavioural specialist in a few weeks. If she turns out to have autism or some other disability, I probably will have to forgo my education altogether to focus solely on her. What about finances? My deadbeat ex is still AWOL. The child support agency hasn't even gotten back to me. 

I am so overwhelmed... I never thought all this would happen to me. I am only 24, I am afraid I am not strong enough to handle this. What did my poor daughter do to deserve this kind of life either? Sigh.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

First, make an appointment with a pediatrician and have your baby evaluated by a professional.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I am so sorry that this is happening. It's not fair, life is not fair very often.

You really need to find a way to stick with your education as it will provide you with the best opportunity to help your daughter. If she indeed has a disability, she will need more help as she gets older. You having a better income will make it easier for you to help her.

Once you get a diagnosis, look for a support group for parents of children with that diagnosis. 

Do you have family and friends who can help you? If you do, lean on them a much as you can. If you don't, then find other mothers with similar issues and build a group of friends who can help each other.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

karole said:


> First, make an appointment with a pediatrician and have your baby evaluated by a professional.


The appointment is due in a few weeks, I want to be hopeful but at the same time it is quite apparent she isn't developing like others her age. I am trying to come to terms with it now and prepare myself for the worst rather than be blindsided and absolutely crushed. I also have my 2nd term at uni starting in a month+ and might have to defer my studies or just drop out by the looks of it.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I am so sorry that this is happening. It's not fair, life is not fair very often.
> 
> You really need to find a way to stick with your education as it will provide you with the best opportunity to help your daughter. If she indeed has a disability, she will need more help as she gets older. You having a better income will make it easier for you to help her.
> 
> ...


I also think that giving up my education might not be in my best interests, however, my university is based in Scotland while my family live in Singapore. 

If I choose to go back to uni, I don't think I can take her with me. Childcare is very expensive and will not give her the attention or appropriate care she requires. I could not part with her... so bloody confused. 

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate them especially at this time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Louise McCann said:


> I also think that giving up my education might not be in my best interests, however, my university is based in Scotland while my family live in Singapore.
> 
> If I choose to go back to uni, I don't think I can take her with me. Childcare is very expensive and will not give her the attention or appropriate care she requires. I could not part with her... so bloody confused.
> 
> Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate them especially at this time.


Is there any university in Singapore that you can attend to finish your degree?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

First, stay positive. Nothing is confirmed. Second, take care of yourself. Do you have your depression/anxiety under control? Are you seeing a therapist? Are on taking the correct (type/dosage) medication? Is someone overseeing this? Third, people have dealt with much greater difficulties. Yes, if your child has a disability, you're life will be very different. But you need to start thinking about the positves. Don't dwell on the negatives. 

What's your degree? Is your earning potential after graduating worth it? Could you make more being a table games dealer at a large casino? There are jobs out there that pay over $25/hr with no education. Just need good personal skills and a positive attitude.

You should start focusing on yourself. You deserve to be happy too. You'll find a much better guy and probably in the near future. Focus on yourself and everything will work itself out in the long term.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Stay positive...it's not the end of the world. If you have a early diagnosis you can do so much. It can make a real difference in the sort of intervention she receives. 

In the meantime...take care of yourself. Continue to interact with your baby. And remember a diagnosis of your child having special needs is not the end of all things. Continue with your school. Stay focus on your goals.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Louise, IF she is found to be on the spectrum do not despair. There is a LOT of positive research that's been done in the last decade leading to active techniques that are best employed at EARLY stages of development that really do help. Nutrition also plays a big role.

I know it all seems overwhelming, but one step at a time.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

LM......Stay positive first of all. The peds Dr. can shed some light on the issues in question.

I was in special ed in the 70s and 80s. Mainly for tracking issues, even though I read well above grade level.

At age three...I was lagging behind significantly. Around age four... my ADHD began kicking in.

Even though I swiftly returned to at or just above grade level, mom still took me to the Dr. for being "hyper"

ADHD was not "coined" in the 70s much. Dr. recommended medicine.... later termed as "zombie

meds"... and pop refused to have me take it. -I'd rather him be hyper as hell than be zoned out-

I achieved, 170+ IQ.... but a situation in 4th grade placed me on meds. My achievement dropped.

After a botched surgery in high school.... my brain was "clouded" for I'd say, in hindsight.... five years.

Everything came together later.... I taught special ed in the public schools.

After seeing so many deja vu with some students, I asked the school psychologist to informally

test me.....I was right. I had autism. I'm saying this because it is not always a bad thing.

Some children develop slowly and catch up.....and excel. But it's super easy to worry.... human nature.

In the US from ages 0-3 years.... a child is not diagnosed with any certain disability but..... if it is

suspected by developmental testing.... whatever school district you are zoned for will offer services.

But it may be different in your country. Please keep us updated .....


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

You are being tested but if you hang in there and don't give up it will be ok.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

FWIW, my daughter was diagnosed with PDD at an early age. She was not very social, she didn't learn to talk until late, she didn't learn to walk until late. She had trouble with reading and math when she got in school. That was 20+years ago. Today she is an oncology nurse working in the ICU at one of the finest cancer hospitals in the country, happily married and they just bought a house.
It took a lot of work but, she overcame it. So can your daughter.
Not all children develop at the same rate, so don't despair. Take what the doctor says and work with it. Your daughter has special abilities not a disability.
Something else that has been mentioned is nutrition. Your daughter might be allergic or reacting to something she is or isn't being fed. My ex was in a big anti-fat phase when my daughter was young, so everything was low fat or no fat. But the reality is that babies need fat and cholesterol to develop healthy brains amongst other things.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

Thanks for the uplifting responses and encouraging stories. At her last 9-month check up, the nurse was worried that she wasn't babbling yet or making any cues like waving goodbye or clapping her hands. 

I've been spending A LOT of time with her, communicating and trying to maintain eye contact as much as possible. So far, she's improved a lot with all the work that my parents and I are putting in, she is never left on her own...ever. It's really exhausting but worth it, she's making great eye contact and a lot more interactive. It's assuring to know that autism can be reversed at a young age or and even if it was autism, there is a lot of hope...

Her official development check-up is in 2 weeks so fingers crossed.


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## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

Louise McCann said:


> Thanks for the uplifting responses and encouraging stories. At her last 9-month check up, the nurse was worried that she wasn't babbling yet or making any cues like waving goodbye or clapping her hands.
> 
> I've been spending A LOT of time with her, communicating and trying to maintain eye contact as much as possible. So far, she's improved a lot with all the work that my parents and I are putting in, she is never left on her own...ever. It's really exhausting but worth it, she's making great eye contact and a lot more interactive. It's assuring to know that autism can be reversed at a young age or and even if it was autism, there is a lot of hope...
> 
> Her official development check-up is in 2 weeks so fingers crossed.


Louise, PM me with any question you have. Wife and I raised a son who was on the spectrum; he is 27 now. Autism can't be cured but it doesn't have to be all bad. I know lots of autistic folks. Some are very low functioning which is sad but I know many more who have surprised everyone with what they can do. What you do for your daughter now can have a huge affect on the outcome (her eventual level of functioning). And listen to Elegirl about finishing your education, be sure to get a degree in something that you can make a living. And if your husband? isn't going to be there to help raise her you need to get child support payments from him. If he isn't coming back, you should change your dating strategy and look for a mate who will accept your child, love her and help you raise her. It is great that your family is helping you, but it will be better if you can get a life partner to help. I don't want to post more on here because I wish to remain anonymous but I am willing to be a resource you can ask questions about raising an autistic person. Best wishes.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

There's all kinds of tests and ages. I walked at age 2. See a specialist in child development, and spend time with her. Don't depend on a pediatrician assessment only.


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## DadOfFour (Mar 13, 2013)

You will be okay. As my handle states, I have 4 children, girl 7, boy 11, girl 14 and my eldest boy who turns 16 on February 12 has Cri-Du-Chat Syndrome or I think in America it's called "Minus P 5 Syndrome. I still remember the initial shock like it was yesterday when his blood test results came back on day 14 while he was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. He was born at 36 weeks and only weif he'd 3 pounds 10 ounces! The shock lasts a few months but you get use to it. I was the stay at home career from 2008 to 2015 when I seperated and divorced. I've had 50% care for about a year!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> The appointment is due in a few weeks, I want to be hopeful but at the same time it is quite apparent she isn't developing like others her age. I am trying to come to terms with it now and prepare myself for the worst rather than be blindsided and absolutely crushed. I also have my 2nd term at uni starting in a month+ and might have to defer my studies or just drop out by the looks of it.


Don't jump the gun. Babies vary widely at the ages they do things and also autism is far more common in boys. 
See what the doctor thinks first and you may find she is ok. Not all babies are sitting up at 8 months, and she may just be a quiet content baby.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> Thanks for the uplifting responses and encouraging stories. At her last 9-month check up, the nurse was worried that she wasn't babbling yet or making any cues like waving goodbye or clapping her hands.
> 
> I've been spending A LOT of time with her, communicating and trying to maintain eye contact as much as possible. So far, she's improved a lot with all the work that my parents and I are putting in, she is never left on her own...ever. It's really exhausting but worth it, she's making great eye contact and a lot more interactive. It's assuring to know that autism can be reversed at a young age or and even if it was autism, there is a lot of hope...
> 
> Her official development check-up is in 2 weeks so fingers crossed.


My granddaughter has just started clapping at 9 months, 4 months earlier than her normal healthy brother did, so you can see that all babies vary widely in when then do things, even siblings.


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