# Was wondering if anyone ever heard of the saying:



## preso (May 1, 2009)

Look at your men under a microscope BEFORE you marry and turn your head away after you marry.
?

It seems to me so many people marry without really checking out the person BEFORE tying the knot.
I checked out my now husband under a microscope before we married and I'm finding not much in the way of major issues now.

How well did you check out and get to know your spouse before marrying them?
I checked mine out through background checks and also checked his credit rating to avoid surprises. I also met his ex and kids, for starters.


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

preso said:


> I also met his ex and kids, for starters.


A lot of people would avoid surprises if they did this!


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

yeah I know.

My husband and I have talked about it and what we feel is that any surprises after we married were good ones.

He is hardly perfect but the basics are good.
I did check him out very well before we married.... most men would have run if they had anything to hide, but its like he told me, he didn't and everything checked out just like he said.


----------



## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

If anyone here is familiar with the transactional analysis model in psychology people fall in love in "free child" egostate. We all have made bad decisions in our lives because of this. Our "adult" egostates don't factor in when we meet someone new and the chemicals, lovey dovey feelings are happening. "Free child" egostate will always pull harder than "adult" egostate. Causing us to make bad decisions with choices of partners. If some people have great self awareness they can stop themselves from making BIG mistakes. Or like myself, I have lived and LEARNED from past mistakes. Although some people seem to have "broken record" syndrome and hook up with the same type of people again and again.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

preso said:


> How well did you check out and get to know your spouse before marrying them?


pretty well. i knew what his issues were. I understood everything on an analytical level, though. the emotional level took a few years to sink in. when i was dating my H i told him he was addicted to porn. He got angry and denied it and i just laughed. im not laughing anymore....


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

Blanca said:


> pretty well. i knew what his issues were. I understood everything on an analytical level, though. the emotional level took a few years to sink in. when i was dating my H i told him he was addicted to porn. He got angry and denied it and i just laughed. im not laughing anymore....



sorry Blanca, I know it must not be easy.

When I was dating I met guys with porn addictions, employment issues, severe ex issues, immaturity issues, character issues, legal issues........ and your post makes me wonder if I approached it from an emotional level because no matter how good looking, how good in bed, how much money they had.....
I just wasn't going for it because I really felt, I deserved better and would have prefered to stay single than deal with any of that. 
I was ok with dating some of them but it seemed after a short time they were all about moving in together or marriage...and I wasn't going to let that happen with any of them.
I'd given up on finding someone worthy to "marry" or "live with" and kept a distance between me and men with these issues.
I had no intention to marry and as far as anyone living with me, that was not of interest to me, since I had my own house ( paid for) and job ( 80K + a year)...
One of the men I dumped was a sports anchor on TV ! I thought he would be demanding and unfaithful because of what I knew about his past, so I dumped him. I also dumped a neurologist and engineering college professor... for other issues ( porn included for some) Just not worthy of living with or marrying in my book.

It was only when my now husband showed up, something clicked. He was emotionally mature. That is so rare in a man. He was also handsome and madly in love with me.... no major issues. Thats the reason I married and it was a shock to me I was marrying at all but I just knew it was right. I had always said since my 20's I wanted a man who was emotionally mature. 
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A MAN LIKE THAT ?????

Maybe ???? I was approaching things from an emotional place? as some of the men I dumped said I was crazy to dump them and some became very angry and insulted, but I honestly beleived they just weren't good enough for me.
For someone else maybe, but not me.


----------

