# my husband is having low sexual drive but his testosterone level is normal



## baba12 (May 24, 2012)

no intimacy, sex, touching, kissing in my marriage

I got married 5 month ago, since we were not having sex before marriage i don’t really know if my husband had low sexual drive or not, until after our marriage i notice i have to initiate sex, most of the times he tells me he is tired. as for me i don't mind having sex every day, he said he can't have sex everyday he can only go once in a week that will depend if he is not tired or if he want to have it or not. Just last two weeks i was so tired of is low sexual desire we went for testosterone test. While waiting for the test the doctor gave him levitra, because i was thinking he had Erectile Dysfunction (ED) he took the medication two different times and slept off he did not get intimate with me. Just today the result comes out normal (569.0 ng/dl).. there were different occasions i found out he was watching pornography movie and masturbate himself i also check his computer and found out he goes to see naked woman pictures online, i really don't understand i can’t put together what is the problem i dress nice i wear sexy dresses, i just don’t get it because there are times i practically chasing him for sex he will run from me, if we get to have sex once in a week am lucky, we go weeks without having sex and our marriage is just 5 month. Am so depressed, lonely and feel worthless because of his constant rejection i don't know what to do now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did the two of you actually date before you were married? Or is this an arranged marriage?

It sounds like your husband prefers porn and his hand to a live woman. Do you think you could get him to go to sex therapy? He needs to find a way to break his addiction/preference to porn and masturbation.

What he is doing to you is emotional abuse. If he refuses to go to a sex therapist and/or he does not become interested in a good, healthy love life with you then divorce might be your only choice.


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## baba12 (May 24, 2012)

we actually dated but it was a long distance relationship, he will come to visit me for two weeks and then go back at different times but we do not have sex. this is frustrating me because i have to ask him for sex, i think he should be the one cashing me for sex.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

baba12 said:


> we actually dated but it was a long distance relationship, he will come to visit me for two weeks and and then go back at different times but we really do not have sex.


Did he give you a reason for not presuring you for sex before marriage?

Do you think he would go to sex therapy?


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## baba12 (May 24, 2012)

religion reason, i don't think he will go because he keep telling me he doesn't have problem that i have problem for asking for too much sex,


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

baba12 said:


> we actually dated but it was a long distance relationship, he will come to visit me for two weeks and then go back at different times but we do not have sex. this is frustrating me because i have to ask him for sex, i think he should be the one cashing me for sex.


Was there kissing and hand-holding and affection when you were dating?
Maybe he some kind of Madonna/***** thing going on? 
Was he a virgin? 
Could he think of sex as "dirty" and prefers to masturbate?

Why is he so tired all the time?


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## baba12 (May 24, 2012)

he wasn't a virgin we did kiss and hold-hands, but not sex, he told me he had been in a relationship in the past. he complain he is tired because of his job, he is working in an office setting so is not like is hard job.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Sorry, baba, guys don't get that tired. Something else is going on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

baba12 said:


> religion reason, i don't think he will go because he keep telling me he doesn't have problem that i have problem for asking for too much sex,


Do not buy into his claim that you are asking for too much sex. You have your own sex drive.

He is masturbating so his has more of a sex drive then he is claiming to have. He's wasting his sexual energy with self-gratification. so there was no sex before marriage due to religious reasons... but then he masturbates instead of having sex with his wife. That is also against religious laws. It sounds to me like he chooses which religious laws to follow based on how they service is purposes.

I don't see how your marriage is going to work out. You are not satisfied. He preferrs his hand to sex with a live spouse he claims to love.

So what are you going to do?


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## baba12 (May 24, 2012)

i have talk to him many times about how am felling and how this is not helping our relationship, he doesn't see any thing bad in it. what am i going to do? that is the question i don't know, i need advice


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

baba12 said:


> i have talk to him many times about how am felling and how this is not helping our relationship, he doesn't see any thing bad in it. what am i going to do? that is the question i don't know, i need advice


I think that you have two choices here. 

Do you know how often he is using porn and masterbating?

1) Just accept that he is not very interested in a sex life with you. This is a very hard thing to do. I believe that his withholding sex and satisfying himself instead is a form of very distructive emotional abuse.

OR

2) Leave him and get a divorce. IMHO, he and you cannot use religion as the reason for staying in this marriage. He is breaking all kinds of religious laws/beliefs (whatever we want to call it). He's satisfying him and ignoring you our sexual needs. 


If this was my sitution I would get a divorce and/or annulment.


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## baba12 (May 24, 2012)

thanks you so such, you are all right.


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

If he is tooooooooooo tired then get his thyroid level checked. He also needs to stop the Porn now! I have had many (18) orthopedic surgeries and they didn't stop me from getting it on with my wife!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Baba....Is he relaxed or is he uncomfortable during sex with you?

What do you think he is feeling leading up to having sex with you. Is he apprehensive? Worried about ED? Not aroused? Does he find sex to be fun and something he looks forward to?

Men and women go thru an adjustment period after first getting married...especially if they have never had sex with each other. It doesn't seem that he is adjusting too well. What does your gut tell you?


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