# Can't O with him anymore. :(



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Ugh. I am on SSRI's and I knew this was a listed side effect. It was one of the reasons I resisted being medicated for so long. But last fall I hit my lowest low, was suicidal, and knew it was time. And I know I made the right choice for myself. I am finally crawling out of the hole I was in and starting to feel like a functional human being. I tried two SSRI's before I got to one that seems to be working (on Lexapro). I am on the highest dose that they can give me, and I don't want to taper down yet because I still feel that I need this. After being as low as I was, for as long as I was, I just can't mentally handle going back there again.

Everything in my life is looking up, except for my sex life.

I have lost my ability to O with H. Even alone, it takes some heavy equipment and a lot of patience to get me there. Interestingly, I still have a drive...its just turning into a frustrating experience because I never finish. I have made an effort to keep our sex the same and initiate even when I know there's no way in hell its gonna do anything for me. I do enjoy sex even when I can't O, for the intimacy. But it's been about four months since I have O'ed with him and yea, it does get maddening at times.

I can literally feel that my brain and my vagina are not syncing. Mentally I am aroused and ready, but my brain doesn't send the signals down below. It almost feels kind of numb. Very strange.

Anyway - I am not sure what I can do, if anything. The worst part, which I am expecting to get scolded for, is that I have been faking with H since this started happening. He can tell I am struggling, but if we try for like 30 minutes and it doesn't happen, I do fake just to end it politely. He's never been able to accept that its ok for me not to O, and it has turned into long drawn out sulkfests in the past. I hate that, so I find it more polite to fake in dire circumstances. I taught him how to please me so it was never a big issue until the meds. I can no longer O at all from oral, and it is really sad because he is so good at it. Now it feels mildly pleasant but that's about it.

I am not sure if anything can be done for me. I couldn't O easily before the Meds, but over a loooong time of practice and teaching my H, we developed techniques that could get me there. Now those are ineffective and I can barely figure out how to get myself there without help from the magic wand on it's highest setting (which I couldn't stand before, and that is too intense for H).

I just get frustrated sometimes that men can O so easily. I can look at my H and make him O. He never has this problem. I get caught up in "its not fair" sometimes and I do know that's counterproductive. But after four months of watching him satisfied it does go to your mind sometimes! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

kag123 said:


> I am not sure if anything can be done for me. I couldn't O easily before the Meds, but over a loooong time of practice and teaching my H, we developed techniques that could get me there. Now those are ineffective and I can barely figure out how to get myself there without help from the magic wand on it's highest setting (which I couldn't stand before, and that is too intense for H).


So I am a big believe in honesty. Could you explain to him what the SSRI's have done and how they have changed things for now? Could he help you with the wand? What do you mean when you say it is too intense for your husband?



> I just get frustrated sometimes that men can O so easily. I can look at my H and make him O. He never has this problem. I get caught up in "its not fair" sometimes and I do know that's counterproductive. But after four months of watching him satisfied it does go to your mind sometimes!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do get the "fairness" thing. It often seems like our inner child rearing its head to complain. I don't have any good answers, other than to remind yourself it is not his fault. But I would work with him to change your routine on what you do to get over the edge.

Good luck.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

My wife has this problem due to a new BP med. She's seeing her doc tomorrow to change meds but is still very worried so I was googling earlier today and saw this Viagra for Her - WebMD.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

kag123 said:


> Ugh. I am on SSRI's and I knew this was a listed side effect. It was one of the reasons I resisted being medicated for so long. But last fall I hit my lowest low, was suicidal, and knew it was time. And I know I made the right choice for myself. I am finally crawling out of the hole I was in and starting to feel like a functional human being. I tried two SSRI's before I got to one that seems to be working (on Lexapro). I am on the highest dose that they can give me, and I don't want to taper down yet because I still feel that I need this. After being as low as I was, for as long as I was, I just can't mentally handle going back there again.
> 
> Everything in my life is looking up, except for my sex life.
> 
> ...


My wife are going through exactly the same situation....She is on neurontin, and they say sexual side effects only affect 1 in 100...No comfort when you are the 1.....You need your meds, so stay on them till you are better. It is hard to cope with, just remember some women have never had an orgasm....I am sure there are many more in your future.....


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

When you feel comfortable, you should ask your doc about trying a different med. you could also try decreasing your dosage slowly. If you start to feel depressed then you just bump it up again. I've been on an antidepressant for close to fourteen years now. I know that fear of not wanting to be in that dark place again so it is scary to try something else when what you are doing is working. 
I fake it with my husband too. Some will say you shouldn't but some say, especially under these circumstances, it is ok. I don't think you should feel bad about it. 
Luckily my medication hasn't affected my orgasms but I have a whole boat load of other issues that do. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheManinBlack (Feb 21, 2013)

You need to see your doctor. There may be alternatives???


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## TheManinBlack (Feb 21, 2013)

And it may not hurt to talk to your husband and let him know that you think the drugs are affecting you in that department. Maybe not tell him about faking, but tell him it sis getting harder for you to O. ALSO - let him know what you are doing about it (seeing doctor).


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