# Husband is a cheater..I forgave him for a 2nd time



## Lola416

We have been married for 18 years 2 kids. He has cheater recently and once prior that I know of about 5 years ago.. I love him but we have our share of issues. Recently we went to therapy and it seemed to help us learn to communicate and start over. We started dating again I felt like it wasn’t working but he begged for a 2nd chance so eventually I believed he was legitimately sorry, Gave some ground rules moving forward and partially reconciled taking it slow. I have heard a lot from everyone about how dumb I am to accept this from him and sometimes I questioned this myself. Has anyone ever reconciled and had it work out?


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## aine

Lola, do not mean to be harsh. You have started many threads on this same topic. You have been told that your WH is a serial cheater, serial cheaters do not change. you took him back easily with absolutely no consequences, why should he respect you? He will do it again. Are you prepared for that? Of course, you will have many doubts, flashbacks, triggers, etc.
Are you sure the A is completely over? do you think you can trust him? Do you want to spend the next 10-15 years looking over his shoulder? You have to answer these questions for yourself.


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## sokillme

Lola416 said:


> We have been married for 18 years 2 kids. He has cheater recently and once prior that I know of about 5 years ago.. I love him but we have our share of issues. Recently we went to therapy and it seemed to help us learn to communicate and start over. We started dating again I felt like it wasn’t working but he begged for a 2nd chance so eventually I believed he was legitimately sorry, Gave some ground rules moving forward and partially reconciled taking it slow. I have heard a lot from everyone about how dumb I am to accept this from him and sometimes I questioned this myself. Has anyone ever reconciled and had it work out?


Lola, it's obvious you want to make it work but you really only have so much power to do that. Half of that is up to your husband. I know you are hurting and you feel hopeless, do yourself a favor though, at least start to think about what your life would look like without him. And try to imagine it not being terrible. I doesn't have to be. It could be a new beginning and a place where you are safer and have agency once again in your life. Where you can make choices to do things that keep you secure and feeling happy. It could actually end up being very good. But you have to be brave. You have to have courage. At least for now try to have the courage to think about it that way. Just try for now every once in a while when you think of a future without him you think about it as a positive new stare. Try to do that for at least 1/3 of the times you think about life without him and you feel sad. 

This is why you are trapped, because you believe that he and a relationship with him is your only path to happiness. This is just not true. It's a lie that your mind is telling you. Try to give yourself some hope without him. Have the courage to change your thinking. 

You are in a trap right now, I just gave you the path to get out of it. The answer to your question is there is every reason to believe that it will work out for you. I can and will happen. But it just might not be with him.


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## Diana7

Lola, I honestly can't understand how you can possibly trust him after these affairs. Without trust what is there? Its not just the affair itself, but the lying and deception that would end it for me. I do know marriages that survived one affair when the cheater was totally repentant, but when its more, and he clearly a hasn't learnt anything form the first one, its hard to see how there is anything left to save. 

Why is it that you feel you should stay with a man who has treated you so appallingly? Who knew that the marriage may well end both times he cheated but did it anyway? If he really loved you he wouldn't have risked loosing you at least twice that you know about.


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## Openminded

My story is I reconciled after the first time he cheated. Years later he cheated again and I divorced him. Your decision is to stay so that's what you need to focus on. You've got a long and difficult road ahead. It's not easy to rebuild your marriage and you'll never be really sure of him again. Some people find reconciliation to be worth it and some don't. Time will tell.


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