# Marital debts and how do I get rid of them ???



## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

Wife has accumulated substantial debt load using credit cards and a student loan ........ I pulled my free credit report to get a look at what is there ......... Scary and bad news ........ Apparently most cards are in her name but she has taken out other cards using my name and the student loan was taken out using my name , meaning I had no prior knowledge or approval for her to do so ........ Question : How do I proceed with trying to get her debts off my credit or are we looking at more serious steps ? She has begged me not to divorce her , instead I am looking at legal separation as a way to get her to accept her own debt separate from mine ......... This is a nightmare , cannot believe how easy it is for someone to use a name and obtain illicit credit !!! I am very pissed about this right now ........ I can't even borrow a dollar from the bank due to "excessive unsecured debt" .......... I don't want opinions , looking for someone that has been in this same situation and how they handled it ........... Thank you in Tennessee


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

I haven't been in the situation but I wanted to say that I'm very sorry that someone did this to you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I may be wrong, but it seems to me if she took out loans under your name without your knowledge, that would require your forged signature on the loan application or would require that you have given her your power of attorney. I'd get with these various creditors and get a copy of the original loan application. If you're married to someone who would forge your signature for personal gain, you might want to reevaluate the wisdom of remaining married. Once you get your documents from the bank, you might want to consult an attorney to see what your rights and obligations are in your state. 
My ex did similar things to me, opening and running up credit accounts without my knowledge. She racked up enormous debt and I paid it off twice. Second time, I told her the next time would result in divorce. She didn't believe me and I had to kick her to the curb. I couldn't afford her. I was working one full-time job and two part time jobs, selling back all my vacation time, and going deeper in the hole. I couldn't make money faster than she could spend it. There just weren't that many hours in the day. 
Every time she swipes a card or opens a new account without your consent, she is making a decision that she prefers the stuff to the marriage and to your freedom. She's quite literally contracting for you to be a slave. Might as well have you stripped naked on an auction block, selling your labor to the bank. She's already traded your financial reputation for some little trinkets. 
By the time folks are adults they are honest or they are not. I wouldn't recommend wasting much time trying to work with or negotiate with a dishonest person.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You need to divorce your wife. She has committed a crime against you and society. A student loan is a non-dischargeable debt and she has forged your signature and identity. See a divorce attorney. This is not a minor offense.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> I may be wrong, but it seems to me if she took out loans under your name without your knowledge, that would require your forged signature on the loan application or would require that you have given her your power of attorney.


In some states anyone can sign for anyone else. The issue comes up the principal did not authorize the other to sign. Then the principal has legal actions that they can take. But, when a person signs as a POA they have to indicate that they are signing for someone else. So if she just forged is name without indicating that she was doing is as POA, it can be a criminal offense.

•	Sally Smith by Samuel Smith, POA 
•	Sally Smith by Samuel Smith agent
•	Sally Smith by Samuel Smith Attorney in fact
•	Sally Smith by Samuel Smith power of attorney


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree that while all of what she has done is terrible, getting a student loan in your name is criminal. I don't even understand how she got one in your name. We you a student when she got the loan?

You can challenge it. They will most likely go after your wife if you can prove that you did not get the loan.

Do not pay any bill until you have a copy of the original application and/or loan paperwork in your hands.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

This has been a trip from hell for me I have not been able to divulge the rest of the story here but believe me, it has been really bad. I saw a Divorce attorney before the holidays, trying to weigh in my options,I was asking about a Legal separation, he told me not to waste my time as it would become a divorce anyway, in Tennessee.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Honda750 said:


> This has been a trip from hell for me I have not been able to divulge the rest of the story here but believe me, it has been really bad. I saw a Divorce attorney before the holidays, trying to weigh in my options,I was asking about a Legal separation, he told me not to waste my time as it would become a divorce anyway, in Tennessee.


I'd vehemently disagree that it'd be a waste of time, especially in your position. Knock out the property settlement in a separation agreement with the stipulation that both of you agree that it will be used in the event of a divorce. Write it up in terms favorable to yourself and dangle it over her head. You aren't divorcing, you are considering it (her presumption is that if she squares away, you won't proceed with the divorce) and she'll likely sign it.). If she knows she's negotiating a divorce, she'll be more likely to fight tooth and nail to dump as much debt on you and take as much property as she can. 
I got rid of mine in Tennessee exactly as I laid out above. She thought she'd make a tiny effort and I'd cave. She ended up with next to nothing, none of my retirement pensions, she accepted her debts. The attorney couldn't believe i got such favorable terms. 
It's within the realm of possibility that she might actually square away and you may want to stay in the marriage. In any negotiation, the one most motivated gets screwed. She has great motivation to keep you in the marriage. Make the price for keeping you (and your income) that she sign this separation agreement. She's greedy and she has lots of debt. If you agreed to not pursue a divorce for 12 months in exchange for her cooperation on the separation agreement, all she'd hear is "I get to spend his money for 12 months". It'd be worth it in the long run.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Honda750 said:


> This has been a trip from hell for me I have not been able to divulge the rest of the story here but believe me, it has been really bad. I saw a Divorce attorney before the holidays, trying to weigh in my options,I was asking about a Legal separation, he told me not to waste my time as it would become a divorce anyway, in Tennessee.


I think that you need to divorce your wife. If you want to try to work on recovery, do it while not married. You can even live together. But that way if she continues this behavior, she cannot hurt you as you are not responsible for any debt she makes after divorce.

You could also include a bankruptcy as part of the divorce. If she is behind on everything, your credit is already shot. Bankruptcy could actually improve your credit situation.

You will need to protect yourself from her financially from here on out. One way to do this is to get accounts on the 3 big credit agency websites and pull both of your credit reports monthly. That way you can deal with things asap if she continues this behavior. Even if you divorce her, she could continue this and get away with it.

A friend of mine's ex husband did this to her after they divorce. She was finally able to shut him down with a serious threat of bringing charges against him.

If things work out you can remarry. I know, it sounds crazy. But you need to protect yourself.

Your wife also need to get a full psychiatric evaluation. Then she needs therapy. No one does what she did without having some serious mental health issues. 

Is your wife bipolar. This sort of thing sounds like it.

I have also heard of people who basically become addicted to the brain chemistry high that they get from spending money, shopping, etc. 

Your wife has a serious problem. Get her the help she needs.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How much did she borrow on the student loan under your name? Does she have a job that she can pay this off? Your situation looks very grim.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

All responses greatly appreciated ! I have already told my wife that I have to do something to protect myself from her debts.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What are your thoughts on this now that you have had a few days to digest it all?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

This debt is not just money owed. It represents huge segments of your life that you will never get back. It represents lost opportunities.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Don't feel bad. My brother divorced his first wife because she could not manage money and her spending habits very well.

He also told me that he felt lucky that he never bothered to get the house that he owned before the wedding into her name. 

My parents said that they felt bad because she walked off with practically nothing (including no children between them) but f^cking he!!, she had the full line of Lancome and a few other luxury items to walk off with.

I would be interested to know, OP, what attraction she offered to you in the first place.

(I guess i am standing up for all us practical women here).


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

The best way to get rid of them is to pay them off. I assume she has a job (if not she needs to get one) and all of the money she makes needs to go towards paying these debts. I don't see how you can get your name off these since you are married and it would be difficult to prove you didn't take out the credit card and student loan. You could report it has identify theft so you wouldn't have to pay them but that seems extreme to me. The best bet is to stay married so you can keep track of these and make sure she pays them, if you did divorce her them she would probably not be able to pay them and they would come to you to pay them since your name is on them.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Other than what you already know(she has committed a crime), a credit counselor/agency can assist in getting payments on each credit card to a level that you can handle. In some cases reduce the total due. If you feel without a shadow of a doubt that this is hers to own, time to approach the credit card companies that approved these cards in your name with her signature. It is the credit cards issuers responsibility to assure the applicant is who they say they are. In short, the credit card companies should eat any charges or go after your W who falsified her application.

It is beyond me why it is so easy to get credit with someone else SS# and name. Need to keep vigilant with you accounts always. I have been compromised 3 times with my credit card. Illegal charges 6 states away.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

Ok ....... I have read all of your commens, they are good responses and I appreciate it. 
I have been to see an attorney about this, we are going to pursue a Legal separation so that I can at least get the debts off my record that are not mine. She is willing to go along with this. She is diagnosed as bipolar type 2, very bad situation but she has been getting couseling and been to a mental health rehab facility for additional help. Folks, all I can tell you is that this is very serious business with marital debts. In my case, there is so much unsecured debt that I cannot borrow one dollar from a bank. Very sad to be at this point in my Life, but I am going to get myself and her out of this problem. I don't know how a person can protect themselves from this kind of thing ? If the other spouse is going to act up and cause financial havoc in the relationship, then it is not much of a relationship, is it ? I might have to divorce her at a later point if the Legal separation does not help us out. I am sadly at a point in my Life with this where I am at retirment age, can work five more years if necessary but have been left scarred financially. I hope I can get her the help she needs and I hope I can make a recovery from this, at least partial recovery. I am trying to get our house up for sale and that would greatly free from a lot of personal debt. I have learned a tough lesson here, and I do not want to repeat this again. I am too old for this b.s., it is not fair, I was blind sided as I did not keep a check on her part of the financials. I will have an update further after we get the ball rolling ..........


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like you are doing what you need to do. It's going to be hard. I suppose if you get legally separated, she might be able to file for bankruptcy. That might help.

If you retire and have low enough income, you can get the student loans put on hold. 

You are right that one spouse can do things to completely destroy the other financially. This is why a couple should run their finances together, everything must be an open book and credit reports should be pulled at least once a year.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

Yes Elegirl ........ Words of Wisdom ! I have learned a very tough lesson here and hope others will benefit from my misfortune.
I called the attorney today as she has agreed to fully co-operate with me in this matter so we can get it behind us. Time will tell what happens next after the separation but at least there is some hope that we can get this corrected. Thank you for your great insight and advice.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Dear Honda750

My thoughts are with you, as I am in the same situation, however on this side of the pond my greatest allie was my bank, they refused to give us a joint account, perhaps a financial test should be taken before marriage, instead of the test given to see if you are not marrying for a "green card", thank you bank, I can always trust you. However, I feel that some women (sorry that should be people) are blessed living a life based on fantasy. Take Care.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

Jacko ....... it is a nightmare to be in this situation. I do not wish this kind of misfortune on anyone. I just hope that others have learned from my experiences ........... Take care sir.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

Update ......... Now it is mid May , I have been able to find an attorney in my state that is two counties away and will be able to assist me in getting a legal separation , this is going to be uncontested by the wife , the ultimate plan is to get myself totally separated from her financial mess , maybe she can file for a bankruptcy it does not matter to me at the point we are legally separated and our debts are separated . The credit agencies are another issue but with thus legal separation I should be able to get them to remove all of her debt off my records . The student loan issue is something that I will have targeted very soon and I will agressively attack in that area to get myself removed from that loan . I'm trying to handle this low key with her and this has been an awful experience for me but taught me a hard lesson . 
I'm not sure how our marriage will end up here , I am very depressed about this and worried that we may not survive this . 
I just turned 60 . It is hard to deal with this mess now but am relatively healthy and able to continue working a bit longer . My next step is to sell the house to reduce my debt exposure and move into a much smaller home but away ........ Will keep you posted


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Looks like things are moving along.

If you are going to sell your house and try to get into something smaller, you might want to start cleaning up your credit report asap. It will take a while if there is anything derogatory on it. Or if it shows a heavy debt load from your wife's shenanigans.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

Hi ....... It's strange how a financial mess like this gives a different perspective ....... I have a plan but it takes time ........ I'm hoping to get this house up for sale in June ......... Home sales are very sluggish but my company is going to hire more pilots so there will be a supply of fellow flyers that might take interest in my home ............ I can fly until I am 65 but hope to be done in a year or two ........... I'm still in shock at what I had to endure the last 18 months ........... Thank you for you advice and concerns ............


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