# When you knew it was over.



## darklilly23 (May 26, 2013)

OK so I am now more so a member of this forum,
WH contacted EA OW and another ex and I finally got it through my head that he is "just not that into me" or the marriage.

So here is my question when you finally had that "ah ha moment" and understood that there was really nothing left to work on,
what was that moment like for you? and what was or is the process of figuring out where and what the heck your life is about now?


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

For me it was the moment that I realized my STBXH went 3 months without paying the mortgage and decided to not tell me. I got a letter in the mail from the bank. I was ticked beyond belief. This was after 3 years of marriage counseling. I knew that I couldn't "stick it out" anymore. 

And my process for figuring everything out?? Well..im still doing that, but everyday its getting clearer and clearer. I took a lot of walks and bike rides to clear my head. I still do those things to this day. I also have started journaling. I write down all my thoughts and it helps to clear my head and sort everything out.


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## darklilly23 (May 26, 2013)

Peeps678 said:


> For me it was the moment that I realized my STBXH went 3 months without paying the mortgage and decided to not tell me. I got a letter in the mail from the bank. I was ticked beyond belief. This was after 3 years of marriage counseling. I knew that I couldn't "stick it out" anymore.
> 
> And my process for figuring everything out?? Well..im still doing that, but everyday its getting clearer and clearer. I took a lot of walks and bike rides to clear my head. I still do those things to this day. I also have started journaling. I write down all my thoughts and it helps to clear my head and sort everything out.


Three years of MC?!?! 
I have only been through 2 months and that is mind numbing enough!

So the Journal thing really does some good? all the MC seem to be giving me that advice...


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## darklilly23 (May 26, 2013)

michzz said:


> When the ex charged an $8K trip to Hawaii to chant and swim with dolphins with this idiotic cult she and I agreed she would not be involved with if there was any chance of reconciliation. Oh, she did this right during the escrow of our home sale last year and was truly shocked when I said, that's it, we're done.
> 
> Divorce will be final, I hope, in a month.
> 
> ...


I am going to have to read your full thread, 
Really? A cult? 8K? Dolphins and a Venus portal?:scratchhead:

How gos your recovery from all that?


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## LivingAgain (Jun 12, 2013)

I am new here too - hello everyone 

For me it was after 6 years of trying to recover from WH's infidelity (years of MC, a move to escape OW etc) and his response to our DD's suicide attempt was, "How dare she do this to me" WHHHAAATT??? 

Way way in the back of my brain I said, "Nope, I'm done" but needed to deal with the current crisis and getting my DD better....after 14 months of doing that pretty much on my own, he decided it was taking too long and went and reconnected with the EXGF that he broke up with to date me 21 yrs ago...blech...

Divorce should be final by the end of the summer....moving forward, living again


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Well, I have had this moment twice. (lucky me, eh??)

In my first marriage, that moment came after I started my second PA. It hit me that I was engaging in this behavior because my marriage was dead and over. I filed for divorce, found a place to rent, and moved out. 

My second marriage, that moment came as my H was screaming at me during a roadtrip and insulting me as I was driving. He threw out a hateful comment about my daughter with her sitting right there in the back seat. My feelings snapped right at that moment, I was DONE. I left him within the year. To this day, I cannot believe I allowed that to happen.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

When we traveled to Italy to celebrate our 50th birthdays with close friends. STBXH was in the middle of a breakdown because our phones did not work and he could not call his DUI tramp back home. He was miserable to everyone and bought a calling card. His excuse was his mother was elderly and he wanted to check in. BTW-She never heard from him during Italy trip). 

We got into a huge fight in the car. I called and changed our flight to come back early. Would never put up with that humiliation or lies again.

Sadly, I turned inward for a long time and gained weight and became a bit of a hermit. My whole personality changed. I became fearful, depressed and angry. 17 year marriage broken and I was too. I was and still am worried about money and all the debt we have.

I finally accepted the new road and have been doing well the last couple of months. Losing weight, meeting friends and established a new routine with my daughter. He hardly ever sees DD and can care less about the finances, paying support on time or seeing any of his family. Did not even pay his taxes for his business the last 18 months. 

Going on girls vacation next week with a few good friends and looking forward to partying, feeling alive again and not having to play both mom and dad to child. At least for one week.


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

darklilly23 said:


> Three years of MC?!?!
> I have only been through 2 months and that is mind numbing enough!
> 
> So the Journal thing really does some good? all the MC seem to be giving me that advice...


Yeah...3 years on and off, 2 counselors and a lot of wasted money later...the counselor gave up on us because me stbxh wouldn't open up and communicate. No one can ever say I didn't try. 

The journaling helps me a TON. I definitely recommend it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He kissed me passionately on New Years and I felt nothing.

I wouldn't say that's when I knew I was "done"...but that's when I knew it was rolling to this.


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## me2pointoh (Jan 31, 2012)

When OW1 turned into a very purposeful OW2 (both EAs) and after MC. I too realized he just wasn't that in to me and would never be again. It was like a switch was flipped for me and I gave myself permission to actually consider divorce. I knew he would never be or do what I needed to recover and I knew I could never live like he wanted anymore now that I didn't have the friendship with him that I had cherished for 20+ years. Then my mission became getting our kids out of the sad situation we have been in so long. It's hard but I'm doing it. And my STBXH is going to rot in that same situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

When I discovered he sent OW a birthday present, but can't remember our daughters birthday


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

Hi, everyone,new here! When I found out that he bought a plane ticket to see another woman.


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## darklilly23 (May 26, 2013)

michzz said:


> When the ex charged an $8K trip to Hawaii to chant and swim with dolphins with this idiotic cult she and I agreed she would not be involved with if there was any chance of reconciliation. Oh, she did this right during the escrow of our home sale last year and was truly shocked when I said, that's it, we're done.
> 
> Divorce will be final, I hope, in a month.
> 
> ...


Well if its any consolation michzz, 
my stbxh just told me he is going on 
a "vision quest" to reinvent himself...

And knowing him to prove me wrong 
about his right to talk to OW... Sigh 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

STBXW asked for what I'd have to refer to as a rather peaceful "trial separation" in mid-March, 2011, which was to effectively begin later in mid-May. Upon that separation, I "180'd" her immediately! Her filing for divorce later occurred in early November. Still no contact!

Then in March 2012, she called and I proposed R, to which she said she'd think it over. Less than 12 hours later, I received an email saying there would absolutely be no R.

My attorney then suggested that I go through her cell records to see if there was a trend of an odd, often-called phone number for six-months hence. There was two ~ two men from her distant past that she'd hooked back up with on FB. Then my attorney suggested that I take the search back some 18 months prior to that. Those same two cell-numbers were there on the cell-phone bill most incessantly ~ even when I was living at home as her H and having her love me and screw my lights out, all while she was busy making her roadtrips to other parts of the state in order to see her other men, and obviously giving them the very same treatment that she was giving to me.

So upon the momentous discovery of that not-so gratifying information, that's when I fastly realized that it was truly, "*game, set, and match*!"


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

My H ended our marriage just two months ago. I have been holding on to hope that maybe we could R and work through things. I have been so tempted to call and message him tell him how I feel.

But the other day I saw he changed his facebook profile picture to one of him and the OW he was flirting with. When I saw that photo of them together I was shocked, hurt, betrayed, angry and sad. All these emotions hit me and I have been so sad since. But I think seeing this has made me realise this is it now. 

Time for me to keep focusing on myself and making my life good again. It hurts like hell, but I've got to get through this. I just hope he gains no happiness from this relationship, he doesn't deserve anything good after what he has done.


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