# The second step of moving on...



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Hey All,
Well, it looks like after a few stumbles, that I finally got acceptance of an offer on a house I was looking at. For a while it didnt look too promising on ever getting out of the "marital home", but I got a call late Friday saying the bank who owned the house accepted my offer. 
So I have to sign some contract tonite and then the closing will occur some time soon hopefully.

I cant say that it is not without its sadness still though. Ive officially been divorced for two weeks now, and while still living in the marital home, Ive watched my ex go out and not come home until 1pm the next day, Ive dealt with an "avoidance" of me in the house, the issues of course of still thinking about "what the heck happened!!!"

Oh well. People keep saying it will get better and I am sure banking on that. There is so much that could be used to fuel the fire of sadness or anger or bitterness, or resentment towards my ex. So much still. 
I just spent a few minutes in the bathroom here at work, because I still have some pain and heartache about it. I am sure it will occur again, and again. 

I guess these are going to come and go. I sure put a lot on the table when it came to keeping what was the "ideal of what I wanted my marriage to be" together, in comparison to what it really was. I know that the biggest part of this sadness will be not getting to spend every day with my daughter. To witness the daily life she has. But I DO get a lot of time with her, on a shared week-on week-off basis, so for that I am so greatful.

I think my exwife is bipolar or is suffering from some sort of mental issue. Yesterday she got suddenly very sad, was crying, came up to me and cried on my shoulder. The she said she was going "out", and that was the extent of her explanation for dressing up and getting ready on a Sunday night.
I spent a nice Sunday with my daughter.

So for now, I am trying to keep my head up. I know it will get better for me, and I expect to feel sadness at times. I think that at least knowing what to expect helps a lot, so that I am not surprised or caught off guard by it. With those expectations, I can expect to be happy at times too, and that knowledge is invaluable.
I will be looking to close sometime soon on the new house, and then move in, (going to be a hard day for sure), and hopefully I can start personally moving towards a stronger sense of comfort and personal strength.

I wish the very best for you guys. Damn-if this stuff isnt hard on a person.


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Shoo,

Being in the same house was extremely tough for me as well. Hopefully getting into a place by yourself will help and try to find things that keep you busy so you do not feel alone on that off week. I have not been very successful at that yet but tomorrow I volunteer for the first time and I'm hoping to meet some new people and get her off my mind for a few hours.

This is the toughest thing I have ever tried to endure. I'm not sure how long it will take for me to see thelight at the end of the tunnel. I don't seem to have good days and bad days mine are more like a good hour and then a bad one. Hopefully soon they will become more good than bad.

Take care

Shoeguy


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Hey Shoe!
I hear ya on the "good hours, bad hours" thing. I perhaps just rounded it up, but its certainly more frequent than that for sure. 
I know that at first I will have lots of things around the house to do, like repaint that Lime Green room the previous owners opted for. And for me, its going to be a lot of landscaping and interior stuff just to make the place "mine".

Please keep us posted about the volunteer work. That sounds like a really great idea, and I would sure like to know if it brings some peace.

Heres to better days ahead. (raising late afternoon coffee cup)


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Shoo,

One thing that baffles me but is a blessing is that I have such a close family they saw that I had the deer and the headlights look and basically brought a hud house up to livable in less than 2 weeks. It baffles me that my ex doesn't want to be a part of that. Oh well her decision I mean I'm not hidious or abusive or anything but hey that is how it goes.

You will find solice in getting to make all the decisions yourself. I'd imagine by the end you will be tired of having to make all of them. The one mantra I used was well if I don't do it no one else will. That was how I kept myself moving. I'm sure you will figure one out for yourself.

As far a volunteering I'm going to work at the food bank where they pack daily meals for the elderly and disabled which are then driven around town and delivered. I should be a nice feeling that I get to help out and at the same time get out of the house.

I will keep you all informed on how it goes.

Later

Shoeguy


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## jpc (May 8, 2011)

Shoo,

Thanks for the post. I have been officially divorced for a couple days. I had to reply to your post when I read that you just spent a couple minutes in the bathroom at work. I just did the same thing! It sucks how much divorce can mess with your head and make it difficult to concentrate on much else. But it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one going through this. Hope there are better times ahead for us both.

jpc
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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