# I need major help! Orgasm issues :(



## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Ok...i have discussed this a bit here and there on TAM, but I feel like i still need more help on this issue.

I really can't have an orgasm without the use of a vibrator. I started using one when in was in high school and have used it just about everyday since (so that's about 14 years i have been using it). I have been with my husband for about 7 years. I use the vibrator still b/c he is away a lot bc of his job.

I don't think i am any less sensitive if that makes since. My husband is amazing in bed and we have an amazing sex life...so it's not him. 

So if anyone has any insight or experience like this or knowledge about this....please help!!! I imagine i am not the ONLY woman out there with this problem. 

My husband is willing to bring the vibrator into bed with us...but he is not overly thrilled or turned on by me doing this (he tries to fake it, but i can tell). Don't get me wrong, sex & foreplay feels amazing...just no orgasm.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Your body has probably adapted to the intense stimulation of a vibrator. You could try not using it for a while and see if that helps.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

I know...i worry that this is permanent. Ive gone without for a period of time a few years ago and it didnt help.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> What about just fingers?


Instead of the vibrator? 
I like the vibrator more....and fingers dont really work as well.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> I know...i worry that this is permanent. Ive gone without for a period of time a few years ago and it didnt help.


Would you feel comfortable talking to your gynae about it? He/she might be able to prescribe a lubricant that would increase sensitivity whilst weaning off the vibrator. I'd be wary of any over the counter stuff, though.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

**** ring?

They are.......interesting.

Mrs Wysh not 100% keen as when I get over enthusiastic they tend to 'bump' her a bit.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> Would you feel comfortable talking to your gynae about it? He/she might be able to prescribe a lubricant that would increase sensitivity whilst weaning off the vibrator. I'd be wary of any over the counter stuff, though.


I will


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## tonynw (Nov 7, 2012)

you need to find the true love with your fella before you will have a proper orgasm. or your just not human


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've had this problem before. What you're going to have to do is give it up cold turkey and you're going to have to suffer while you relearn how to orgasm without batteries. It can be done. Had another friend with the same problem and she kicked the vibe habit too. 

This isn't just about going without this is going without WHILE masturbating on a regular basis with fingers, a dildo, something that doesn't have batteries. Won't work with sex - you must learn your own body first before you can O with him.

Your body will respond but you will have to trust it, be patient and loving with yourself. After 14 years of this won't be a quick fix but it can be done. I promise.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> **** ring?
> 
> They are.......interesting.
> 
> Mrs Wysh not 100% keen as when I get over enthusiastic they tend to 'bump' her a bit.


Yes we have this. Lol. I have several rings actually ranging from $10-$150 

I think i own anything that vibrates. I should prob stop buying this sh!t lol


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

tonynw said:


> you need to find the true love with your fella before you will have a proper orgasm. or your just not human


I have "true love". Its not about him.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> **** = c0ck, right?
> 
> They make them with vibrators built in.


Yer but not the same intensity as a vibrator, and it still involves inserting your penis. Might be a way of weaning off full vibrators.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I've had this problem before. What you're going to have to do is give it up cold turkey and you're going to have to suffer while you relearn how to orgasm without batteries. It can be done. Had another friend with the same problem and she kicked the vibe habit too.
> 
> This isn't just about going without this is going without WHILE masturbating on a regular basis with fingers, a dildo, something that doesn't have batteries. Won't work with sex - you must learn your own body first before you can O with him.
> 
> Your body will respond but you will have to trust it, be patient and loving with yourself. After 14 years of this won't be a quick fix but it can be done. I promise.


So go without orgasms for awhile? This helped your friend?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> So go without orgasms for awhile? This helped your friend?


Yes. I coached her too. She would get so horny and she'd go masturbate and NOTHING. I reassured her to relax and keep trying. It was frustrating for her but I told her not to give up. Just be gentle and patient. Eventually she did figure it out and she's very happy now.

Orgasms are largely mental that's why it's important to chill and not rush the process of relearning.


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## tonynw (Nov 7, 2012)

stick to the rabbit then. lol


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Yes. I coached her too. She would get so horny and she'd go masturbate and NOTHING. I reassured her to relax and keep trying. It was frustrating for her but I told her not to give up. Just be gentle and patient. Eventually she did figure it out and she's very happy now.
> 
> Orgasms are largely mental that's why it's important to chill and not rush the process of relearning.


How long did it take?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> How long did it take?


Dang I was hoping you wouldn't ask that. I was young when I kicked the habit and my friend is 25. 

You can't compare yourself to us because you've got 14 years to undo. If I were to guess this could take 3 - 6 months or longer. It's going to come down to how bad do you want it. Will you cave when you can't take it anymore? Or will you keep trying with patience and love? Will you give your body time to heal itself from years of desensitizing?

I still have faith you can do this because the body is simply amazing what it can do if you are patient and love it enough.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Oh god. This will be rough.
Ok if i know its been done before then i am willing to do it. Thanks


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## 3boys (Dec 9, 2012)

"Your body has probably adapted to the intense stimulation of a vibrator. You could try not using it for a while and see if that helps."

I disagree with this comment. At least it's not true for everyone. I've been tested by a female urologist at UCLA to determine why I couldn't orgasm. Turns out it takes more to stimulate me than just manual stimulation. I had never used a vibrator and my husband insisted something was wrong with me because I couldn't orgasm no matter how long he focused on it. eventually became stressful, I felt like a failure and less than a whole woman and he would tell me every other woman he'd been with had been able to orgasm manually and during intercourse. After visiting this doctor and having her recommend a vibrator as a no brainer-he refused to try. Said he felt uncomfortable because he'd never used one before with anyone. So I used it by myself when he was gone and tried to have a nice time during sex. Didn't help that he refused to acknowledge any gently worded request to slow down or to wait until I was ready. Nice guy, right? Anyway, divorced now a few months and during stupid after break up sex, he told me that it's okay that I probably still use a vibrator but it should be something I work toward to do it naturally. Ha, this from a man who started using viagra when he cheated on me with prostitutes. Anyway, got out bed and walked away and have not communicated with him since. Except for this article I sent him that blew away all the beliefs about female sexual response. Will NEVER listen to a man tell me what MY sexual response should or shouldn't be again. Who effing cares how you orgasm, anyway.

Vibrators: Myths vs. Truth | Psychology Today


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

Wow at 3 boys. Maybe for her, she couldn't have orgasms because her husband was a jerk.

I'll my opinion a little more brief.

There are some simple things to understand about orgasm. The key one that you need to understand is that it is a reflex.

Chances are if you struggle without it, you've got some mental process involved. Something that may help is if you try to concentrate less on the orgasm as a goal - rather think of it as something that just happens, and success or failure is not a thing that requires it to happen. Instead focus on enjoying what you are experiencing.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> Instead of the vibrator?
> I like the vibrator more....and fingers dont really work as well.


I suspect you need to break the habit. You've become dependent on the intense stimulus of the vibrator. 

You can go cold turkey.

You can increasing your desire/drive by abstaining from sex in any form for a while, and then use hands or tongue when you can't stand it any longer. 


Or change things up and give up ALL control of your orgasm to your husband. Don't allow yourself to touch yourself. 

You might try limiting yourself to just a few moments of vibrator to warm up, but switch to fingers (his or yours) as you get closer to finishing. Try to time it so the LAST stimulation is coming without the vibrator. If it usually takes you 5 minutes to finish using a vibrator, use it for 3 minutes (set a timer?), then switch to fingers or tongue. In essence, wean yourself from the vibrator. Use it less and less until you don't need it any more.

This may be exactly the kind of problem someone might have who can't orgasm unless masturbating to porn. I suspect you get used to controlling exactly what you experience. You have to make a break from the habit. A few days or weeks without vibrator might do the trick.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

MissyMrs how about the water tap? Does that do it for you?


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## Dulciean (Nov 18, 2012)

I don't think your ' problem' is unique... I also need the vigorous stimuli of a vibrator... It cuts to the chase so to speak, and I can just enjoy the O without all those other thoughts that invade my mind( primarily can my kids hear me having sex- I get quite loud!) with my hubby.
Husband= gorgeous sex, loving, bodily ecstasy
Vibrator= 100% guaranteed orgasms
Now working on how to assimilate the two!


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife had similar difficulty a coulple months ago, and I posted on here about it, got some great feedback.

My wife was masturbating 3-4x per week, prmarily using the bathtub, but also vibrators. We were then having partnered sex 2-3x per week, in which she would almost always use the vibe on her cl!t while I would pentrate her with my c0ck.

She began to have some difficulties with orgasms, they were either not happening, or they were pretty weak when she did have them. She was getting VERY frustrated.

She is on HRT, so she upped her estradiol dosage a bit, and she began taking 50mg DHEA daily instead of 25mg. She also cut back on the frequency of masturbation down to 1-2x per week, and would only use the vibe for self-pleasure when I was out of town for work. 

After 2-3 weeks, her orgasms became easier to come by, and when she had them, they were more intense.

I think there were a few things going on which could be similar to what the OP might be experiencing:

1.) I do think there is a loss of sensitivity to the cl!toris from frequent vibrator usage, we hear about women trading in their battery-operated vibes for Magic Wands all the time for this reason. The only way to resolve the loss of sensitivity is to use the vibrator less frquently, IMHO.

2.) Less frequent masturbation and partnered sex tends to increase sexual tension. I was away for two weeks recently, and when I got home, we couldn't wait to tear into each other. Let's just say I wish I had put some plastic down before we started...

3.) There are also hormonal issues at play for many women. I think that trying 25mg of DHEA daily is a relatively low-risk thing to do, there is a lot of legitimate info out there supporting the use of DHEA for female sexual desire and orgasm improvement.

4.) Relax, and try to take the pressure off of yourself.

5.) Your husband should learn to be more enthusiastic over your vibrator use during partnered sex. I love it when my wife uses hers during PIV sex, the vibrations are intense for BOTH of us.

This is was worked for us...


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## McMuffin (Dec 17, 2012)

curious, are you on any medications, or birth control? How old are you? Have you ever had any vaginal orgasms?


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hi.
I have been in a relationship with my current GF for coming up to two years. before that i was married for 25 years. No. I didn't cheat.

My ExW used to orgasm easily, fast and reliably but was an emotional vampire. While my GF only had two in her entire life and is the most giving person you are ever likely to meet.

She does now and this is not because I am an amazing lover, well she says I am but she may be biased, it is because I just chilled right out. So what if she needs some mechanical help at the end. Some women simply can not come with penetration no matter how hard they try or want to.

We just do what we have to do for as long as we have to do it with whatever we need to do it. As long as we do it together. I don't see a problem at all.

Jeez its a tough life.


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## TheGoodHusband (Dec 28, 2012)

Has he ever gone down on you?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Instead of the vibrator?
> I like the vibrator more....and fingers dont really work as well.


Not as 'efficient' perhaps, but do you still O? Because if you can, even if it takes longer, you can show your husband how to touch you. Don't watch the clock and be in a hurry. Try some different techniques on yourself. As long as you can, he can do that for you.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Guys have the same type of problem. Some can't orgasm unless they jerk themselves and/or watch porn. I say go with the flow and be thankful you are not in a totally sexless marriage which is often how these kinds of situations end up.


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