# I am so angry right now.



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Why was this all put in my lap? 

Hurt me, rip my life apart, break all trust with ME - FINE!!

But now I have to tell my children that their parents are divorcing. I can't even practice the words in my head without crying. I am so angry that my husband is such a coward. How could my judgement have been so wrong. Why did I marry an A55HOLE.

My children are A students, well adjusted, smart, funny, and love both their parents with all their heart. What will this do to them?

I want to be the one to tell them but I keep putting it off. 

School will start soon and I don't want to add that to the beginning of the school year stress but there it's NEVER going to be a good time.

I HATE THIS SO MUCH. 

Tonight I am angry at my husband for marrying me. Why did he marry me? Why? 

Why did he have children with me? I will hate him forever for putting my children through this. I will never forgive him. EVER!!


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

And to top the night off, my mother and grandmother told me to rethink my divorce decision. 

My grandmother is twice divorced and my mother once divorced.

They keep telling me how hard it's going to be.

WTF!

I should put up with a serial cheater and liar and my life will be easier. What kind of advice is this from family members. I realize women from previous generations were taught to just "look the other way" and keep the husbands check and keep the family together.

Why is this MY responsibility?? I WAS KEEPING MY FAMILY TOGETHER!!

Just very disgusted tonight! (if you couldn't tell)

I'M NOT CHANGING MY MIND!


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Very well put. You are strong and wise. You are doing what you think is best for you. Nobody else could know better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I could see their point of view if your husband had one affair and wanted to reconcile, but not if he's a serial cheater who can't be trusted.

Your mother and grandmother are just offering the sort of quick fix advice to make you feel better in the mean time, but realistically it's not healthy advice. 

Yes it's going to hurt divorcing him, it's going to hurt you, the kids, and your husband. But it's what needs to happen. It would be worse for your children to grow up in a house with a cheater for a father and mother who just allows it.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Your children need a happy and healthy mom. All this stress is slowly killing your spirit and body.


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## jay_gatsby (Jun 4, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Your children need a happy and healthy mom. All this stress is slowly killing your spirit and body.


:iagree:

You need to think what is best for your kids, not just in the immediate future but theirs as well. What you do will teach them how to handle life when they are older.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Rugs, I have been there and really feel your pain. Stay close to your kids and love them all you can. If they start rebelling as a result of the betrayed trust just keep loving them. If they start making bad decisions, just keep loving them. They will get through it if you are there for them.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Let's do a thought experiment. Imagine he was no longer a serial liar or cheater by magic right now, and he never would be again. Would you take him back right now? If not, you cannot at the same time blame him totally for breaking up the marriage, because in that case the real reason would be that you don't love him anymore and you don't want to try anymore to get that relationship back by insisting he change, because of how you feel in your hurt and your anger.

Since he has cheated, I certainly don't feel you are obligated to give him any chances. But the kids make the decision less clear cut for you. Have you given him a chance to change his ways and treat you with honesty and respect? If so, and he still hasn't changed, then I feel you are justified in moving on. If not, one possibility is move towards divorce but perhaps have a lengthy separation instead of pushing it quickly. The only reason I am hesitant to tell you to break it off with him quickly and immediately is because of the children and how hard this will be for them.

Of course if you had a relationship previously where you were arguing all the time in front of the kids anyway, it may well be best that you go ahead with the divorce whether you've given him any chance to change or not.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I agree that you have to take care of yourself and keep yourself healthy. At the same time, you can't change what he's done. You can only deal with it with the grace that you want to model for your children. For me, this would mean two things right now:

1. Ignore the family members who are trying to get you to reconsider your decision to divorce. This is your life, not theirs. Show your children how you respect yourself by rejecting a marriage with a serial cheater.

2. Tell your children yourself why you are divorcing their father. You don't want him to spin it for them, do you? Given the number of people on this site who badly resented not being told about their parent's infidelity at the time of divorce, I think it's a good idea to be honest with them about the general reason for the split, i.e., that their father was unfaithful for many years.

And I also think there's no good time to tell them, so you might not want to postpone it for what you think will be a better time.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Why was this all put in my lap?
> 
> Hurt me, rip my life apart, break all trust with ME - FINE!!
> 
> ...


Yep. We all picked a winner there.

This is going to be tough. But this is also going to be a real life lesson for your children in ethics, honesty, commitment, and honor. Your sacrifice is going to make them better persons. 

That's going to be your lemonade out of that lemon you married.

All the best and congratulations on starting a better life. I keep saying this because I believe this with all my heart, happiness is a cheating spouse on the rearview mirror. Doesn't matter if you have a 20 years of happy marriage, or 20 children, or 20 billion dollar in the account. One strike and let me open the door for you.

Welcome to light!


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## molly34 (Aug 11, 2013)

I'm sorry you are going through so much don't blame your self ....


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

Rugs ... My tears fell when I read your latst updates ... I can relate so much to your turmoil ... Anyway, I have finally spoken to my child (as per my thread) ... I feel so much lighter ... Now, for the legal battle ahead ...

(((HUGS)))


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

life101 said:


> Yep. happiness is a cheating spouse on the rearview mirror.


Love this!!


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Why was this all put in my lap?
> 
> Hurt me, rip my life apart, break all trust with ME - FINE!!
> 
> ...


Vent over?

Are you calmer?

Question, you are mad that your marriage is ending. What would it take your WH to do to recover the marriage and make it better then the old marriage?


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Why was this all put in my lap?
> 
> Hurt me, rip my life apart, break all trust with ME - FINE!!
> 
> ...


Why do you have to the tell the children?
Since it's your H who was the cheater, he should be the one to tell them.
How about putting it off as long as you can, no need to bring them into this any sooner than you need to.
You already know that you're not going to get the support you need from your family members, please do seek out people in your life who will support you.
Ultimately the choice is yours, not your H's, not your mom or g-ma, but yours.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I am totally fine. Last night was just a vent at how my cheating husband not once considered the impact of his children he claims to love so much.

I am sooooo much happier in my life now that I have filed for divorce. I lived for years on my own before I was married so I have no fear there.

I don't even wish bad things for my stbxh. I think everyone in his life deserves to be happy. I just wish I would have uncovered my husbands affairs sooner so I could have started this process this process at a younger age.

As far as telling my kids, I want to do this myself. My husband can talk to hem separately or with me but I will do most of he talking. I have always been the more stable parent and I really think my husband would not address their concerns as thoroughly as I will.

I was just angry that people are put into he's difficult situations. I understand that it's just life and my kids can't be protected from things forever I was mostly angry at myself for choosing such a poor husband when I had waited a long time for "the right guy".

I really thought I made a good choice years ago. I will always be scratching my head at this.

My husband and I will lays be connected through our children and I can only hope my stbxh finds a good life for himself so my children will feel happy when they are with him. 

My stbxh never argue and are very civil to each other at all times. My children have not witness arguing or abuse of my kind and I m happy for that. My parents had an ugly divorce that left me and my siblings messed up for a long time.

Thanks.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Rugs said:


> And to top the night off, my mother and grandmother told me to rethink my divorce decision.
> 
> My grandmother is twice divorced and my mother once divorced.
> 
> ...


This is very common. I have guys in counseling who regret D"sing their first wives, many decades later. Not sure if it is generational or not, but D is horrible, and you have all the right reasons to do so.

My oldest brother told me to try to work things out, he has been M three times. I guess there is some wisdom in what they are trying to tell us. 

I would not be deterred by family. Just don't let their views ruin your relationship with them. They have their opinion and let it go at that.


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