# Miserable



## FarmGirl34 (Sep 29, 2010)

Hi all, 
I'm new to this forum but need a place to go to talk about how I'm feeling and what's going on in my marriage! My hubby and I have been married for the past 1.5 years (we dated off and on for 6 years prior). I love this man with all my heart and know he loves me too. However, lately we are both a bit unhappy...I think I mope around alot and he holds it all in and then lets it all go in one huge dump. He's reached one of those points tonight which is why I need to talk. Since we got married I've gained about 15lbs...we both hate it. However, it's hard to get motivated to lose weight. I want to ... I hate the way I feel right now but I just can't seem to keep my motivation. He keeps telling me that I'm getting huge and that he doesn't find me hot right now. He always looks at other women when we are out and tells me that's what he considers hot. It never bothered me until tonight...I don't mind him appreciating a pretty woman usually. However, after tonight I realize he doesn't find me attractive. Sure, he thinks I'm pretty but he doesn't think I'm hot/attractive. Which brings me to the next issue...we've been trying to have a baby for the last year with no success. I'm not overly concerned at this point but we've been going to a fertility doctor. We're still in the evaluation process and I think he's starting to get really nervous about the idea. Sometimes he seems to really want kids and other times he thinks that it's going to be too much responsibility & work & I'm going to get fat. Tonight he said something that really crushed me...he said he thinks one of the reasons he's stressing about kids is that he won't have an out once we have kids. That broke my heart a little bit. When we got married it was forever...at least for me. My parents have been married for 35 years and are still very much in love...he comes from a divorcecd family. In my world there is no such thing as an out and I can't believe that this is in his head somewhere. It terrifys me!!! The final thing that is a problem is sex. He is the only guy I've been with but he led quite the life before me in terms of sex. He thinks I never want to have sex and that I'm not interested and it's horrible and will never get better. I'll admit...it's not the best sex life. I've never had an orgasm and feel like I'm stuck. He thinks I need to figure it out on my own and I think it's both of our problem. He can be very selfish in bed ... doesn't ever want to kiss or have foreplay and thinks I need to be more like the porn stars...and thinks he knows best cause he's been with lots of women and I haven't been with anyone but him. I think that's fine to not always be romantic but every once in a while would like some romance. I just don't know what to do...I don't want people to bash him because he is a great guy and he truly cares about me but I'm scared. He doesn't believe me when I say I want to change...he says I'm all talk and just lie about things like losing weight, etc. I wish he would realize it's not that easy to change! I guess I just wanted to vent and hear what other people think...I don't really have any friends of family that I want to burden with this but I need help. I'm sad and scared for my marriage. Sorry for the book and thanks for any advice or kind words.....


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I think it is probably best to put he fertility thing on hold until you figure this out.

15 pounds doesn't seem to be a lot unless he doesn't see it as weight but as your attitude ("I don't have to worry about my weight because I'm married now" kind of thing). And this trickles down to your sex life, and then lack of non-sexual closeness, and then communication.

Get the marriage back on track or, as an alternative, figure out that you two won't stay together, before you have kids.


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