# Success stories?



## hoping4love (Jan 14, 2013)

Hello! I am actually really interested in hearing about some success stories from anybody who has one - I am interested to learn what I have to look forward to, and what it is I am actually hoping for. I am not going to go into extreme detail about my current situation but if you are interested, you can read my blog: journey-self.blogspot.com. 

So, if you have any stories to share, please leave them here. Thanks.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

There are quite a few success stories here - my wife and I among them - but they are all very bloody and messy tales of pain, suffering and struggle. It is not an easy thing to reconcile post infidelity. My wife and I are 2.5 years post dday and it's still a work in progress. We are better than we were before, but the scars of my cheating will never fully go away. 

My story is linked below in my signature.


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## hoping4love (Jan 14, 2013)

Sigma, thanks so much for the comment. I read your story and I have to say that is extremely refreshing to hear about it from the other side of the fence. Your story is mildly different from mine (and probably my husband's POV), but it is good to know that there is a possibility that remorse does happen after/during an EA.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Note: Success doesn't necessarily mean reconciliation. Success can mean getting out of a bad relationship with a WS - moving on. 

So there are two types of success: Reconciliation and Separation/divorce/moving on. All involve a lot of pain and effort - but better futures than the present for many.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Hoping...

I was married 15 years and found my wife having multiple affairs. I worked very hard at R put was being pushed for D. She moved out a year ago...

I officially got the house in my name in July so between January and July of last year was probably the most painful time of my life. She had affairs with other men, had access to my house, moved out but took everything she wanted, stole from me etc...

I focussed on what I wanted in life. I built a great relationship with my kids. I lost weight, got in great shape, met a beautiful girl... I'm 43, she is 42 but looks like she is 30. My fiance has cancer. We are getting married very soon. I don't want to wait to chase my dreams. I have been catching them. Yes it is a lot of work, yes there is still pain and confusion, but it fades and is manageable. I hope my fiance will outlive me but I am enjoying every moment in life now.

I actually got some petty revenge recently. My EX is seeing my neighbor, she drops the kids off and my kids see my fiance. My boys adore her and all yelled and ran to her for hugs... Drove my wife nuts... I didn't get to see it but it just made my month.

The D was extremely painful but you had a life without your spouse and you can again. Take the time to really focus on what you want and go get it.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/1383-when-enough-enough.html


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

I don't know that I qualify for a COMPLETE success story...yet. June 2, 2012 was d-day for me. My H had an EA for several months that had just gone PA when I found out and got the butt call from God during which I heard him talk to POSOW for 13 horriffic minutes. The story is very long, and I have only lurked here and haven't posted, but I can tell you this; the trickle truth is real, the fog is real. He finally stopped answering her calls three months after d-day (would go a few weeks then she would play the suicidal card and he would get sucked into it), when SHE gave him an ultimatum after I confronted him with the phone bill and told him that regardless of the "reason" for talking to her, that if he wanted or needed another woman in his life, then I didn't want or need him in mine. He told her that he had already made his choice, and, kill herself or not, not to call again (I learned these details first from his daughter long before he actually came out of the fog and told me himself).

After seven months of lies, trickle-truth, gaslighting, you name it...his fog lifted. He told me the answer to every question, no matter how painful the answer. He just recently told me it took him months to realize he was wrong and that his excuse he gave himself now seems ridiculous. His high school son told him his gf is going to break up with him because he kissed another girl, and my husband blamed himself, saying to his son that he set that example for him but that he needs to realize that just because we are working things out doesn't mean his A was excusable, and that it was the worst mistake of his life, and that if he could learn anything from a father's mistake it would be not to go down that path.

I had almost given up before the fog lifted, thinking it would never get better. Sometimes I wonder now if it wasn't a fog at all, perhaps it was an alien abduction, because I have this completely transparent, loving, remorseful, awesome man in the body someone else occupied for about a year. He no longer acts angry that I breathe or occupy space. He wants me close by. He will not go into town without me or one of our moms in tow just to avoid any possible confrontation (small town). And his eyes crinkle again when he looks at me and smiles.

We have only just begun to heal. After 8 months. But it HAS BEGUN. Success? We'll see.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

I like the variety of examples of "success"- regardless of if the marriage continues. 

Everyday gets better.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I guess you could classify my wife and I as a succeeding story. Coming up on 4 years post DD#1. Never posted my full story as it is massive and somewhat impossible to convey properly. It involved a ton of TT and DD’s that shifted my perceptions, actions and thoughts throughout as the stories developed, bodies were exhumed, lies revealed, omissions admitted, etc. over a two year period post discovery which spans our entire relationship. And I still have known lies on the table and unanswered questions....

The recovery is a very nasty, bloody tale... However, the last year or so hasn’t been so much about affairs and that person as it is now about ourselves, our changes, and the relationship (I don’t call it a marriage..). Still a work in progress.... nothing is the same and the dynamics/approaches/coping methods are completely different now for both of us. The scary part is it is better.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife and I, are a success story, I think.


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

i wish i had a success story, but im still wading through the mud 2 years and 3 months after he told me about it 

but he has tried and when he told me about his unfaithfulness he said he then realized how he had been treating me and it was as if a light had been turned on.....

it was really good for a while, this was when i was blaming myself all the time and we had sex every day without him being allowed to do anything to me, it was great......
but reality set in when i realized it wasnt my fault and after blaming myself for about 1 year i now just blame him

the thing is he tries still but not as good as he did in the beginning and i see signs of the old hubby coming back.

he must know how i am feeling and i am in the process of writing him a letter telling him exactly how i feel...... this is to help us both.... its 7 pages long and not finished yet !!

but he did make my breakfast today .... and it wasnt mothers day !!! ...


i said thanks


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## hoping4love (Jan 14, 2013)

Thank you all so much for your responses. I appreciate learning about all the varying degrees of success everyone has gone through.

Goodwife, in response to your question in your signature - from what I have read, I don't think affairs happen because of us (the BS), I think it has to do with them - I just don't know the specifics.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

hoping4love said:


> I don't think affairs happen because of us (the BS), I think it has to do with them - I just don't know the specifics.


Affairs are always about the cheater. They aren't about the BS, they aren't even about the AP - they are all about the person cheating. Affairs are perfectly selfish.


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