# Should I leave my 2 year relationship just to have casual sex?



## UKnavigator (4 mo ago)

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years, I love her and she is deffo perfect for me. We get along so well, we’ve never argued, and we recently moved in together. Everything’s great, except one thing. 

I guess I’ve never really had a casual dating phase, we met on tinder and she deffo was doing the hot girl summer thing, think she hooked up with like 7 guys in one month. It never used to bother me, I never cared, but lately it’s something that’s on my mind a lot. My housemate recently ended his relationship with his girlfriend to be more casual with people and have multiple partners because he said he never did it when he was younger.

When I was at uni I had a girlfriend, and admittedly it was because I had confidence issues and figured better to be with someone then not. And after that ended it was just the odd relationship here and there, but very monogynous. 

I know this may be FOMO or male brain but does this whole casual hookups and dating multiple people thing really have merit? I guess I’m just worried it’s something I’ll spend my life regretting that I never did, but at the same time I’m really happy with my relationship and I’m very scared of losing it. Feels like a lose lose situation. Any advice from anyone who’s been through similar?

Thanks


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

You can say goodbye to her permanently if you let her go. No one can make that choice for you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

UKnavigator said:


> I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years, I love her and she is deffo perfect for me. We get along so well, we’ve never argued, and we recently moved in together. Everything’s great, except one thing.
> 
> I guess I’ve never really had a casual dating phase, we met on tinder and she deffo was doing the hot girl summer thing, think she hooked up with like 7 guys in one month. It never used to bother me, I never cared, but lately it’s something that’s on my mind a lot. My housemate recently ended his relationship with his girlfriend to be more casual with people and have multiple partners because he said he never did it when he was younger.
> 
> ...


You should let her go.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

What do you think you’re missing exactly?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

UKnavigator said:


> I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years, I love her and she is deffo perfect for me. We get along so well, we’ve never argued, and we recently moved in together. Everything’s great, except one thing.
> 
> I guess I’ve never really had a casual dating phase, we met on tinder and she deffo was doing the hot girl summer thing, think she hooked up with like 7 guys in one month. It never used to bother me, I never cared, but lately it’s something that’s on my mind a lot. My housemate recently ended his relationship with his girlfriend to be more casual with people and have multiple partners because he said he never did it when he was younger.
> 
> ...


If you are fulfilled and happy with your lady, do not look elsewhere.

End of story.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

NOPE.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

What makes you think having casual sex will be something that comes natural to you now when it wasn't before?


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## UKnavigator (4 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> What do you think you’re missing exactly?


I dunno, I guess it feels like everyone is doing it / did it in their early 20s and feels like it’s something you’re supposed to do I guess (I know that’s a paper thin reason)


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## UKnavigator (4 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> What makes you think having casual sex will be something that comes natural to you now when it wasn't before?


I guess I’m more confident now then I was, but it doesn’t change the fact I’m happy with my GF.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

UKnavigator said:


> I dunno, I guess it feels like everyone is doing it / did it in their early 20s and feels like it’s something you’re supposed to do I guess (I know that’s a paper thin reason)


If you think your GF is hot, she’s putting out, and you see a future with her then what is going to be better than that? Answer: nothing, except maybe going completely celibate, avoiding women completely, and retiring early. Note most people can’t execute on the second plan, I couldn’t.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

How old are you?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

UKnavigator said:


> I guess I’m more confident now then I was, but it doesn’t change the fact I’m happy with my GF.


Then you're not missing out.

I went through many women and I admit it was sometimes pretty fun but nothing compares to finding one of the good ones to stay with.


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## UKnavigator (4 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> How old are you?


26


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

I agree with most posted here....casual sex has never been that fun for me.
Are you desiring something that she is not giving you?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

UKnavigator said:


> 26


It sounds like you found a good one as long as she has left her past in the past and is committed to you.

You scored dude. Enjoy.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

You said she’s perfect for you, but you’re willing to throw it all away to have casual sex and possibly catch an STD.

Oh to be young and dumb again.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

SCDad01 said:


> You said she’s perfect for you, but you’re willing to throw it all away to have casual sex and possibly catch an STD.
> 
> Oh to be young and dumb again.


I wanted to put a helpful emoji too but felt the laughter was more appropriate.😉


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> It sounds like you found a good one as long as she has left her past in the past and is committed to you.
> 
> You scored dude. Enjoy.


But think about it. He's been there with her 2 years and he actually thinks he wants some strange.

He's not ready for what he has. Him staying is not going to bring him into her being 'the one'

After 2 years she most likely is looking for a ring and he's still looking at the world.

They are incompatible. He's basically keeping her as a plan B not a plan A. That's not good.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I guess this begs the question…. is she not satisfying you in bed?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Let her go.


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## UKnavigator (4 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> It sounds like you found a good one as long as she has left her past in the past and is committed to you.
> 
> You scored dude. Enjoy.


Yeah she’s amazing ! I guess i feel like the world is trying to tell me this is some sort of right of passage for people, that they have to have those moments of sleeping around. But I agree that this is far more meaningful, I guess that’s why this is tricky sometimes because I do love her so much, I’m just admittedly jealous of her experiences and others compared to mine …


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> But think about it. He's been there with her 2 years and he actually thinks he wants some strange.
> 
> He's not ready for what he has. Him staying is not going to bring him into her being 'the one'
> 
> ...


I'm being optimistic and considering him still being young, dumb and inexperienced.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

That doesn’t make any sense though. Let’s say she is like a Ferrari. And you’ve only had a Ferrari and maybe something like an Audi A3.

Are you sitting there mad because you didn’t get to try a KIA Elantra and a Honda Civic? You maybe didn’t get to sample a Ford Escort…. Think of all that variety you’re missing out on.

Doesn’t sound that great to me, I’ll stick with the Ferrari.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

UKnavigator said:


> Yeah she’s amazing ! I guess i feel like the world is trying to tell me this is some sort of right of passage for people, that they have to have those moments of sleeping around. But I agree that this is far more meaningful, I guess that’s why this is tricky sometimes because I do love her so much, I’m just admittedly jealous of her experiences and others compared to mine …


Yeah. Let go of the BS. What matters is between you two and no one else.

You are at a good age to get your life going with someone anyway.

She doesn't boast or try to make you feel like less because you don't have a similar past right?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Based on how I perceive you from your post and the description of your past I don’t believe you are going to be that successful at casual sex. If I were you I would definitely stay with your current girlfriend.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

UKnavigator said:


> Yeah she’s amazing ! I guess i feel like the world is trying to tell me this is some sort of right of passage for people, that they have to have those moments of sleeping around. But I agree that this is far more meaningful, I guess that’s why this is tricky sometimes because I do love her so much, I’m just admittedly jealous of her experiences and others compared to mine …


And you'll probably continue to be jealous. It may even turn into retro active jealousy.

What I'm not seeing is you taking her into consideration at all. Do you think it's fair to her that you are having all these wishes for a crazy wild time and not telling her.

I mean you aren't telling her right? She just thinks everything is amazing. She probably has no clue that you really want to bang like 8 more girls so you can say you did.
There is nothing wrong with your desire. But I seriously doubt she'd be staying and be all happy if she knew you were still after 2 years wanting something else/Someone else in this world. 

You feel the way you do. You can't really help that. I broke up / turn down many a fine young man for dates/ relationships and marriage because of how I felt. It doesn't mean they weren't amazing or great. I just wasn't in the same place they were. But I was honest about it.

You should try it.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Anastasia6 said:


> And you'll probably continue to be jealous. It may even turn into retro active jealousy.
> 
> What I'm not seeing is you taking her into consideration at all. Do you think it's fair to her that you are having all these wishes for a crazy wild time and not telling her.
> 
> ...


That’s what I was thinking. If I were in her shoes and I found out about this I’d be out the door.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Have the casual sex, so long as she can also do the same. _insert eye roll_


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

UKnavigator said:


> I dunno, I guess it feels like everyone is doing it / did it in their early 20s and feels like it’s something you’re supposed to do I guess (I know that’s a paper thin reason)


If she's perfect for you and she feels the same and you get excited about a future with her, the regret you might end up having over letting her go will likely dwarf the regret of not running up numbers with random women. 

Now if this desire for casual flings is something you're really stuck on you could be a risk for infidelity down the road if that itch never goes away.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

UKnavigator said:


> Yeah she’s amazing ! I guess i feel like the world is trying to tell me this is some sort of right of passage for people, that they have to have those moments of sleeping around. But I agree that this is far more meaningful, I guess that’s why this is tricky sometimes because I do love her so much, I’m just admittedly jealous of her experiences and others compared to mine …


Let me tell you this I have had all the experiences, threesomes, foursomes, one night stands etc. If I really thought about it and could remember with good clarity those others would be in the top 500 sexual experiences of my life all the best sex I have ever had has been with my wife.


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

It depends on if your motive is to equal her body count (to reduce or eliminate any retroactive jealousy), or if you think the grass is greener somewhere else. Don't give up a perfect situation, but if it's not perfect and you don't see yourself marrying her, it's not a horrible thing to want to gain more experience. As long as you realize she may not be there after you have gained that experience.

And don't cheat on her, be honest always.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> But think about it. He's been there with her 2 years and he actually thinks he wants some strange.
> 
> He's not ready for what he has. Him staying is not going to bring him into her being 'the one'
> 
> ...


This. If I were her and found this out I would be devastated and furious that I'd just wasted two years of my life. You can bet your butt I wouldn't be wasting another day.

She deserves better than this after two years OP. I was shocked to read that you're 26, you sound like an 18 year old boy.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

So if your really digging your girl and work so well together and this thought comes up, I'd suspect one of several things is occurring:
1. You dig her, but your not having as good a sex life as you think you are and neither are amping it up, or won't due to unknown reasons stated.
2. You have spotted another woman that for some reason you wanna have sex with, besides your current lady.
3. You have a buried jealousy over her past, that hers was way more active and it makes you feel inadequate and not as badass as some of her other partners.
Any of this hit a spot? I could be wrong of course.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

UKnavigator said:


> Yeah she’s amazing ! I guess i feel like the world is trying to tell me this is some sort of right of passage for people, that they have to have those moments of sleeping around. But I agree that this is far more meaningful, I guess that’s why this is tricky sometimes because I do love her so much, I’m just admittedly jealous of her experiences and others compared to mine …


I think you're misinterpreting a number of things and looking at this all wrong. 

If you were to say that you are not ready for a heavy commitment and marriage and children at 26 and were still wanting to develop yourself more and pursue some more of your own interests and passions before setting down into marriage and family etc,,,,, I would say that would be very wise and that you should develop yourself more and should NOT be looking into committing yourself to one relationship and one person right now. 

My own personal beliefs are that men should NOT make any heavy commitments or marry or cohabitate etc until they have finished their education/training, are established in their career, have experienced life and dated a variety of women in a variety of circumstances and such. 

HOWEVER I do NOT think that casual sex (your term) is any kind of right of passage or any kind of beneficial end goal in and of itself. 

I really do not think that many people actually set hooking up with various randoms as a goal except for maybe some wannabe teen age boys that think it looks cool or something. I think most people that end up with a number of hook ups, were often seeking something more that just didn't work out. 

For many there is even some form of maladaption or dysfunction and are looking towards sex as some kind of ointment on a wound that they think will help heal.. but it never does. 

If over a period of time, you get out and meet, get to know and date a variety of women and some of those experiences become sexual, OK so be it, that is at least contributing to some kind of life experiences and learning how women and how the world works. 

But to dissolve a working relationship just to seek casual sex is looking at it all backwards in my book. Hooking up with drunk chicks that just broke up with their boyfriends or just found out that their boyfriends were cheating on them and using you as the salve to help sooth their bruised ego, is NOT going to help you grow as a man at all and will just have you wanting to shower with bleach and a wire brush. 

You need to question and realign your thought process here. 

If you feel you need to develop yourself more and experience life more and travel more and pursue some of your own interests and passions more before you make any serious commitments to one woman, That's valid and probably something you SHOULD do at this stage of your life. 

But to just chase tail and hook up with random drunk chicks and fat chicks and chicks with problems and daddy issues and personality disorders just so you can tell yourself you had casual hook ups???? Yeah there's no growth and no benefit to you there. 

Most people that are hooking up in bars and off of Tinder etc are either damaged and disordered,, or they wish that they could find a functional relationship with a decent person. It's not something they aspired to and strived for and found a sense of pride and accomplishment when they did it.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Yes, you should. You don't sound mentally ready to settle down.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

UKnavigator said:


> I guess I’m more confident now then I was, but it doesn’t change the fact I’m happy with my GF.


It will probably end your relationship with your girlfriend. So if it's something you feel you have to do, break up with her and leave her past experience out of it, and tell her you want to be free.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

UKnavigator said:


> I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years, I love her and she is deffo perfect for me. We get along so well, we’ve never argued, and we recently moved in together. Everything’s great, except one thing.
> 
> I guess I’ve never really had a casual dating phase, we met on tinder and she deffo was doing the hot girl summer thing, think she hooked up with like 7 guys in one month. It never used to bother me, I never cared, but lately it’s something that’s on my mind a lot. My housemate recently ended his relationship with his girlfriend to be more casual with people and have multiple partners because he said he never did it when he was younger.
> 
> ...


I would say leave her, because it's clear you aren't ready for a serious thing. You are having thoughts of casual sex...so let her find someone who will give her what she wants, a person who is 100% committed.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Be sure and tell her why you’re ending it so she won’t waste time trying to convince you to stay.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I have no clue why you feel you've missed out because you haven't casually screwed around. It strikes me that you feel this "experience" will somehow give you a broader perspective on what it's like to hook up with strangers and then leave the next morning. You are sadly mistaken. You are also not ready to settle down with this woman - or any other woman, for that matter - as long as you have this mindset.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I'm not gonna give you grief over considering some casual sex. I think that sort of thing is probably just natural. Just because an idea has crossed your mind doesn't mean you're guilty of anything. It happens. 

I think you need to really consider what you're doing with your life here. How do you really feel about your GF? Is she a great girl that you really love and can't see yourself without? Or is she just the girl you ended up with and you're really just lukewarm towards her at best? Really think about your answer and don't just say what you think you should say.

Now, a few things to think about. Sleeping around is no right of passage. There are pros and cons to everything and while sleeping around can be fun, I also think it does psychological damage to you in the long term. Another thing to think about is that, IMO at least, there are not many great people out there worth settling down with. If you actually found one already, it might be foolish to let her go because you want some strange. We all give up something in order to stay in a monogamous relationship, but if you found the right person, it's well worth it.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I think you should, but break up with her first. In 10 years when she’s having sex with you twice a month, you’re going to regret that you didn’t test drive more girls.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

UKnavigator said:


> I guess I’m more confident now then I was, but it doesn’t change the fact I’m happy with my GF.


I was virgin until almost age 30, so I didn't participate in this rite of passage thing. Some aggressive women got me into casual sex, but at age 30 I was ready for an emotionally invested relationship and it wasn't long before I took myself off the market. 

But everyone is different. If you need to experience casual sex you can understand that you probably won't be "coming home again."


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

UKnavigator said:


> I guess I’m more confident now then I was, but it doesn’t change the fact I’m happy with my GF.


Then DON'T screw it up. Just because others are doing this is no reason for YOU to do this. You are in a great relationship, so why the need to look outside? Ultimately casual sex will leave you feeling empty -- NO emotional component to it, so why risk it?


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Your thinking with your little head rather than your big one. We all know the little one can make bad decisions...Sometimes it can introduce us to other friends. Bad people called STD'S...
Do you really want to hurt your GF ? You said she's perfect 🥰 ?
Ask yourself, is there any future in it ?
You could be throwing away something very special just for a random piece of ass. You said your friend left his GF to play the field of casual sex. Does he have some kind of influence over you ?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hmmm. Tough question here....

Give up a great two year relationship with a good woman to pursue the possibility of getting meaningless sex with multiple women.....🙄

As the River woman already alluded to, what makes you think you would be that successful at picking up a bunch of women anyway?

Better reign your crazy little pony in and get it safely back in the barn where it's safe buddy.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Here's my take on it:

1. As you may have concluded from the responses so far, you aren't missing anything by not having a wild time of lots of casual sex. Most of the posters who did go through that phase have told you that it doesn't compare to a good, loving, sexually fulfilling monogamous relationship.

2. That being said, there are going to be some people who won't be satisfied just by hearing the advice of others. They have to make the mistake themselves. We've seen a lot of threads here where after a certain number of years of marriage, someone who has had few or often no other sexual partners starts having regrets about that and becomes a cheater. (That can happen with either men or women, but these threads on TAM seem to have more women than men who regret their lack of additional partners. Personally, I think there is a reason for that, the discussion of which is beyond the scope of this thread, but I believe is part of the same dynamic of why we see more men than women start to experience "retroactive jealousy" about their spouse's prior sexual experience.) So, if you have the personality make-up that you would potentially feel like you missed out, there is a big risk that in later years you may start obsessing about this to the point of undermining your relationship (by denigrating her in your mind for her greater experience before you met her or possibly by you becoming a cheater to try to make up for what you "missed".)

3. Given the fact that you are obsessing so much about it, I think you should let her go, because I think you will find that your attitude on this topic will cause you to undermine your relationship, as above. I think you will find that, as the posters have said, the good relationship you have will exceed all the tawdry experiences you could have with a series of fleeting sexual relationships. But, at the same time, I think it is inevitable that you will have to learn this for yourself. For the posters responding to you, it's like watching a teenager in a slasher film open the door you know will lead to their demise; you know their making a mistake, and you know how it's going to turn out, but it's nothing you will be able to change.


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## UKnavigator (4 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> But think about it. He's been there with her 2 years and he actually thinks he wants some strange.
> 
> He's not ready for what he has. Him staying is not going to bring him into her being 'the one'
> 
> ...


I don’t agree with this I think it’s more complicated then that. I do love my partner and I am happy with her. This is an internal issue that comes from me, not her. I’m still happy when I’m with her I still have fun and I still feel like I can be myself. This isn’t about me wanting to sleep with strangers it’s more about me feeling like there’s a lost part of my youth. That doesn’t mean I want to end things, it just means that at times I struggle a bit.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

UKnavigator said:


> I don’t agree with this I think it’s more complicated then that. I do love my partner and I am happy with her. This is an internal issue that comes from me, not her. I’m still happy when I’m with her I still have fun and I still feel like I can be myself. This isn’t about me wanting to sleep with strangers it’s more about me feeling like there’s a lost part of my youth. That doesn’t mean I want to end things, it just means that at times I struggle a bit.


Buddy let me cut the crap and tell you how it is. 
You hadn’t much success with women when you were younger and now that you’ve had a great girlfriend for two years suddenly you’ve become Tom Cruise’s better looking and more charismatic younger brother. 
It’s having a hot girlfriend that’s given you this confidence and believe me if you lose her you will be back where you started. 
You are twenty six. At that age even the most successful Romeo’s are starting to settle down. But you in your wisdom feel that there’s hundreds of hotties just dying to jump your bones.
Where were they when you were single?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

UKnavigator said:


> I’m just admittedly jealous of her experiences and others compared to mine …


this is why your posting here and why you feel like you are missing out
you compared your number and are now jealous of her past 

this is often the reason why some couples get into swinging and , then they find that does not work for them , 
they say as many as 20precent of couples get into swinging at least once , about 50% stay in swing for years and trust each other and are happy to talk to each other about what experience they have had 

the other 50% find it is not for them , and some go back to been as they were or better because they are able talk how they feel about their sex life and anyone that can talk about their sex life are having more sex and better sex ,

Then there is the ones that after finding that swinging did nothing for them and they end up divorcing , which in my mind is a good thing because it brought things to a point which might have been left unseen for many more years if they did not , 

so swinging only works for a small amount of people , not recommended as a cure for couples that go into it for the wrong reasons ,
there is a load of wrong reasons , like feeling she had more sex than me , or i want her to play with women so i can play then with the other women , or i want more sex so i talk my wife to swing so i can fool around more and get my rocks off more ,


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

UKnavigator said:


> I don’t agree with this I think it’s more complicated then that. I do love my partner and I am happy with her. This is an internal issue that comes from me, not her. I’m still happy when I’m with her I still have fun and I still feel like I can be myself. This isn’t about me wanting to sleep with strangers it’s more about me feeling like there’s a lost part of my youth. That doesn’t mean I want to end things, it just means that at times I struggle a bit.


Yes, I can see why you are struggling. I did my "explorations" when I was around 20 and enjoyed it very much. So I was ready to settle down after that because that phase of my life was over. It's a tough one and I have no advice. Only that, if your girlfriend is great, you are compatible in bed, etc. you will struggle to find another match like that in the future. That said, you will live your life with that particular regret in the back of your head and it won't be fun. But you are an adult at 26. You can make rational choices.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

If you want to, sure.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Honestly, using words like "deffo" makes you sound like a teenager and your attitude screams that you're nowhere near committing to someone and settling down.

*



I guess this begs the question…. is she not satisfying you in bed?

Click to expand...

*If I had to venture a guess, I would bet it's probably the other way around. 

Do both of yourselves a favor and move on.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


attheend02 said:



Are you desiring something that she is not giving you?

Click to expand...

*Yeah, she can't magically morph into a different woman every night.


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## Johnnylightwave (Jun 24, 2020)

"I guess i feel like the world is trying to tell me this is some sort of right of passage for people, that they have to have those moments of sleeping around."

Please read this 3,000 year old cautionary tale before you let the mob convince you that you're not happy:









The Fox Who Lost His Tail - Fables of Aesop


Distrust advice from someone who stands to gain. A fox lost his tail in a trap and tried to get fellow foxes to trim their tails. They saw through the ruse.




fablesofaesop.com


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

You're most likely suffering from retroactive jealousy. Look it up. It's bad.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

UKnavigator said:


> I guess i feel like the world is trying to tell me this is some sort of right of passage


The world will ALWAYS lead you in the wrong direction. Quit being a dumba$$.


UKnavigator said:


> it’s more about me feeling like there’s a lost part of my youth.


Middle age crisis at 26. For your GF's sake, dump her. She deserves better.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UKnavigator said:


> I don’t agree with this I think it’s more complicated then that. I do love my partner and I am happy with her. This is an internal issue that comes from me, not her. I’m still happy when I’m with her I still have fun and I still feel like I can be myself. This isn’t about me wanting to sleep with strangers it’s more about me feeling like there’s a lost part of my youth. That doesn’t mean I want to end things, it just means that at times I struggle a bit.


Its nonsense to think that we must all go through this period of casual sex in our youth to make us fulfilled. The longest and best marriages I know are between 2 people who are even each others one and only. 
Mr D and I didn't have this sleeping around stuff, boy am I glad I didn't, and neither of us has regretted it for a second. We missed out on nothing of any value whatsoever. 
However I don't think you are marriage material if you are thinking this way and I doubt you will remain faithful over time.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

I think you desire to have casual relationship has merit. I have been happy married for 25 years. I love my wife and have regular sex life. But she is my only sexual partner and sometimes I think what it means to touch sexually another woman. I regret that before meeting my wife I missed on opportunity to explore my sexuality.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

UKnavigator said:


> I don’t agree with this I think it’s more complicated then that. I do love my partner and I am happy with her. This is an internal issue that comes from me, not her. I’m still happy when I’m with her I still have fun and I still feel like I can be myself. This isn’t about me wanting to sleep with strangers it’s more about me feeling like there’s a lost part of my youth. That doesn’t mean I want to end things, it just means that at times I struggle a bit.


I think @Sfort is likely right. You are struggling with jealousy. It is either straight up jealousy of your partner because she has had experiences you haven't had. Or it is retro active jealousy where you are feeling jealous about the sexual partners your GF has had, as if they were hitting on her today. This is no fault of hers. It is your internal struggle to deal with. 

You think you missed out on a part of life that many people probably consider a bit of a mistake. All the idiots or crazies they hooked up with when they were younger. There is next to nothing gained from those experiences IMO. Certainly nothing you can't live happily without. Honestly, at 26 you are past that point anyway. Those are things people do in their teens and earlier twenties. Why would you want to reset to a time when you were a stupid, immature teen/young twenty-something? 

Instead of fearing what you missed out on, why not consider what you would lose? You know your GF won't stick around while you go whoring it up, so she will be gone. What are that odds that you find someone better? What are the odds you even find these random hook ups?

For the record, I've been with the same woman, and only woman, since I was 16. We've been together for 35 years and married 32. I do think of what it may have been like to been with more women, but in the end I always come to the conclusion that my life wouldn't be more complete or fulfilling than it has been with this one amazing woman.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

You shouldn’t be getting attached and settling down at 26. If you are a high value man, the world is your oyster.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> You shouldn’t be getting attached and settling down at 26. If you are a high value man, the world is your oyster.


You can't be a high value man with the world as your oyster AND be attached and settling down? I didn't realize those things were exclusive of each other.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

UKnavigator said:


> I dunno, I guess it feels like everyone is doing it / did it in their early 20s and feels like it’s something you’re supposed to do I guess (I know that’s a paper thin reason)


Right here. This is the problem. 


Most people are sheep. Do you want to be part of the sheep?

I know that todays youth act like this. Everyone is racking up a high body count. 

Here’s the thing: you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Who cares what everyone else is doing? 

If your woman makes you happy, then for God’s sake man, hold onto her. 

My only concern for you is the fact that she has no problem racking up a high body count. Is she a part of the sheep or does she feel remorse for having little respect for her own body?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You can't be a high value man with the world as your oyster AND be attached and settling down? I didn't realize those things were exclusive of each other.


At 26, most women would most likely be holding him back from seeking his career excellence. Whether he wants to start his own business or move up the corporate ladder, having a significant other at home will just get in the way (your working too many hours, you have no time for me, etc). Also, at their age, she most likely is going to have baby rabies. That would be a huge mistake for someone that wants to play the field, as OP does. She sounds like she’s a good woman, but for OP, her timing is off.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't believe expressing questions or talking about desires when it comes to this subject means the OP should move on from his good girlfriend.

Everyone has probably had "What if" thoughts now and then.

This barbarian has had plenty even though I'm happy with my wife.

It's probably pretty normal.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

Yes. You should break up with her because she deserves to have a man that isn't going to question her worth or not over you wanted to go out and be a ho ho. This is a quick way to catch an STD. My first husband - which I was with for 10 years and married to for 8, did the exact same thing. We started seeing each other when we were 20, got married when we were 22. I thought that we had the whole thing figured out. I went to school and received an associates and a bachelors in 2 different majors, worked my butt off to build with him. He was on the same page in the beginning but then about 6 years in to it - he starts hanging out with all of his single buddies from high school and suddenly, he wants to start dating again because what he has just isn't good enough. Moral of the story - don't do it. He's still living in his parents basement, not working, got a woman pregnant not even a year after we split. We weren't even divorced yet. He ended up in jail because it was an abusive relationship. Yes, he's a great father to the kid but they are horrible together. He's not happy and knows that he should have never left the marriage. 

Remember - the grass is never greener. It's different, and probably full of crabs. But not greener.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Yes. You should break up with her because she deserves to have a man that isn't going to question her worth or not over you wanted to go out and be a ho ho. This is a quick way to catch an STD. My first husband - which I was with for 10 years and married to for 8, did the exact same thing. We started seeing each other when we were 20, got married when we were 22. I thought that we had the whole thing figured out. I went to school and received an associates and a bachelors in 2 different majors, worked my butt off to build with him. He was on the same page in the beginning but then about 6 years in to it - he starts hanging out with all of his single buddies from high school and suddenly, he wants to start dating again because what he has just isn't good enough. Moral of the story - don't do it. He's still living in his parents basement, not working, got a woman pregnant not even a year after we split. We weren't even divorced yet. He ended up in jail because it was an abusive relationship. Yes, he's a great father to the kid but they are horrible together. He's not happy and knows that he should have never left the marriage.
> 
> Remember - the grass is never greener. It's different, and probably full of crabs. But not greener.


Different grass and probably full of crabs! 🤣 

Ok. That one got me in the funny bone this morning.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Maybe she's not the right one for you. 

I wonder if you'd be feeling like this if your girlfriend wasn't someone who ****ed 7 guys in one month right before she met you. 

Did she ever get STD/STI tested?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Livvie said:


> Maybe she's not the right one for you.
> 
> I wonder if you'd be feeling like this if your girlfriend wasn't someone who ****ed 7 guys in one month right before she met you.
> 
> Did she ever get STD/STI tested?


Whoa, I must of missed that. I redact my “good woman” comment. OP needs to get out of dodge. This is not the person to settle down with because, it’s very likely, this type will never settle down.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> Whoa, I must of missed that. I redact my “good woman” comment. OP needs to get out of dodge. This is not the person to settle down with because, it’s very likely, this type will never settle down.


It appears she has settled down for the last 2 years. And he didn't say for sure she had sex with 7 guys in a month. I'm not sure how positive he is about that.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> Whoa, I must of missed that. I redact my “good woman” comment. OP needs to get out of dodge. This is not the person to settle down with because, it’s very likely, this type will never settle down.


That’s why I said what I did. 

I don’t know how so many people seemed to miss out that his girlfriend liked to get around.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

LATERILUS79 said:


> That’s why I said what I did.
> 
> I don’t know how so many people seemed to miss out that his girlfriend liked to get around.


I didn't and mentioned leaving her past in the past.

If she's committed to OP and he is satisfied however, it shouldn't be an issue.

I'm also doing what everyone is and looking at this from my perspective.

Mrs. C had quite a few partners including two husbands before me.

This barbarian nailed her down.😉

To be fair, she put a stop to my womanizer ways but quick.😋


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> It appears she has settled down for the last 2 years. And he didn't say for sure she had sex with 7 guys in a month. I'm not sure how positive he is about that.


Well, if it’s true, OP will surly find out how “settled” she really is when she gets bored in this relationship.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Buddy let me cut the crap and tell you how it is.
> You hadn’t much success with women when you were younger and now that you’ve had a great girlfriend for two years suddenly you’ve become Tom Cruise’s better looking and more charismatic younger brother.
> It’s having a hot girlfriend that’s given you this confidence and believe me if you lose her you will be back where you started.
> You are twenty six. At that age even the most successful Romeo’s are starting to settle down. But you in your wisdom feel that there’s hundreds of hotties just dying to jump your bones.
> Where were they when you were single?





BigDaddyNY said:


> You think you missed out on a part of life that many people probably consider a bit of a mistake. All the idiots or crazies they hooked up with when they were younger. There is next to nothing gained from those experiences IMO. Certainly nothing you can't live happily without. Honestly, at 26 you are past that point anyway. Those are things people do in their teens and earlier twenties. Why would you want to reset to a time when you were a stupid, immature teen/young twenty-something?


Lots of males do not develop or become attractive and desirable to women until they are in their mid or even upper 20s. 

I certainly didn't. I weighed a whopping 145lbs and looked like a 14 year old boy until I was about 25. It wasn't until I filled out and actually looked like an adult man until I started to attract adult women that I was attracted to. And it wasn't until my upper 20s that women started swinging by my house at all hours of the day and night and calling me up for booty calls etc. 

Women reach their peak SMV late teens to mid 20s. Males often do not reach their until mid 20s-mid 30s and some even don't until 40ish. 

Women naturally spin plates and have many options in their late teens-mid 20s. Countless men struggle during that same period unless they are the star quarter back, early bloomers or exceptionally good looking. 

If the OP is coming into his higher SMV , it is natural that he may want to explore his potential. His GF has already gone through her high-SMV period and spun her plates. He may now be coming into a period where he actually can. 

I think he's triggering some people by his use of the phrase "casual sex". Rather than hustling drunk chicks in bars for a quick pump and dump, he may be at a point where he has learned some of the basics, grown into himself a little more, obtained some competence and confidence and just wants to see what else may be out there for him. 

I was the exact same way at 26. I had a good GF and we got along fine. But I had reached a point in my development where I knew I did not want to settle down and marry her and have a home and family with her even though she would have been good candidate for such. But I was at a point where I wanted to see how far I could go and what I could accomplish in life. 

It was about a half dozen years and a dozen or so other dating and FWB relationships later that I met my wife and at that time I was ready to settle down and "KNEW" that she was the one, and at that point I did not have any doubts or any apprehension or any hesitations or reservations about it. I knew it was the right person and the right time and place. 

We may not like the idea of him ending a working relationship with a nice girl so he can hook up with drunk chicks in bars and booty call off of Tinder. 

But this is part of a young man's journey and if he feels he needs to do this vision quest of sorts, then he needs to do it. 

He may not like it. He may have doubts and regrets and may at times feel he let "The One" get away. 

But if it is part of his personal quest, then if he stays just to play it safe and stays out of fear,, his regrets may be larger and the damage he will cause when it all blows up will be worse.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

@UKnavigator, break up with her and do not enter a committed relationship until you are mature enough to handle one.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> It sounds like you found a good one as long as she has left her past in the past and is committed to you.
> 
> You scored dude. Enjoy.


He scored...but with his mindset, she did not.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I totally get the FOMO male thing. I never did this, married very young. I never got to experience this either. But that said, it took awhile for my wife and I to find a groove sexually - it wasn't great at first. Most people I know have said that sex was pretty awkward at first with a new partner - and usually not great. When you really KNOW your partner and they know you the sex is way better - they know what you like and vice versa. Getting off once with someone new might be exciting for a hot minute but then you move on before getting to the really good stuff.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

drencrom said:


> He scored...but with his mindset, she did not.


So far, I don't see anything here besides a guy wondering "what if".

Done it many times myself and so have most of the posters here if they are honest.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> Whoa, I must of missed that. I redact my “good woman” comment. OP needs to get out of dodge. This is not the person to settle down with because, it’s very likely, this type will never settle down.


Just because she has a past, doesn't mean that she's not a good woman. I have a past that I'm not entirely to fond of but the moment that I started seeing my husband, it all changed. Our past is our past is our past.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Just because she has a past, doesn't mean that she's not a good woman. I have a past that I'm not entirely to fond of but the moment that I started seeing my husband, it all changed. Our past is our past is our past.


Ok but don't be so hard on OP for wondering "what if" maybe?😉


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## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Ok but don't be so hard on OP for wondering "what if" maybe?😉


Sorry, I apologize.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

If you even have to ask the question, then there is no question that you should break up.
So she rode seven different WANGS in a month. Even though that says a lot about her (not necessarily positive IMO,) you took her on knowing that. You either accept that or you don't.
Unless she repeats the aforementioned month while being your GF, you don't have a legitimate beef.
Even though I may have ripped on her, she deserves better than what you have given her. At least she has been honest.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Just because she has a past, doesn't mean that she's not a good woman. I have a past that I'm not entirely to fond of but the moment that I started seeing my husband, it all changed. Our past is our past is our past.


I don’t want to t/j, but there have been several threads on a girls ability to pair bond when they have a high notch count (I don’t why people use body count, that’s reserved for the Ted Bundy’s of the world). Anyway, 7 different dudes in a month? No way, no how. 🚩 🚩🚩


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> I was the exact same way at 26. I had a good GF and we got along fine. But I had reached a point in my development where I knew I did not want to settle down and marry her and have a home and family with her even though she would have been good candidate for such. But I was at a point where I wanted to see how far I could go and what I could accomplish in life.


@UKnavigator A critical part of a man's journey is facing and accepting his own truths and realities. 

In the case above, after about 6 months-year of dating the GF I mentioned above, I knew that I wanted other traits and characteristics in a wife/mother of my children/ life partner, that my GF simply did not have and was not going to develop. 

Like you a part of my wanted to spread my wings and fly and see what else was out there and what else I would be able to accomplish. 

But the fact she was a good person and a good GF and the fact that I had struggled with women and wasn't a lady's man held me back in fear that she was the best I was going to be able to get...... so I kept telling myself she was fine and I tried to fight down the demons that were telling me that better was out there. 

Eventually I had other chicks overtly hitting on me and even propositioning me and I knew I could no longer look the other way from my own truths and realities. 

I was 26-27 when that was all going down and now at 58 I regret the time I spent with her after I knew she was not "The One." Staying with her held me back from reaching my potential and it held HER back as well. 

You need to do some soul searching and ask yourself some hard questions and face some uncomfortable truths. 

Is this gal you are currently with really "The One?" Is she "The One" or is she the prettiest that you've been able to pull off so far? She may be pretty and she may smell nice and she may touch your winkie, but is she really who and what you envision sitting on the back porch watching your grandchildren play in the yard with? 

If you are yearning to pick up drunk chicks in bars and have booty calls off of Tinder, you really need to be asking yourself some really hard questions on if this is really the right gal. 

You're not only wasting your time, but you are wasting her's as well and she has a shelf life that is a lot shorter than yours. 

You can play the field for literally decades. She has an expiration date and as that expiration date gets closer and closer, she is going to get a lot more demanding and unstable and won't be the cute, cuddly, little kitten she is now. 

A big part of being a man is living your own truth and being on your own mission.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> I don’t want to t/j, but there have been several threads on a girls ability to pair bond when they have a high notch count (I don’t why people use body count, that’s reserved for the Ted Bundy’s of the world). Anyway, 7 different dudes in a month? No way, no how. 🚩 🚩🚩


That is a red flag for sure but if she's proven herself for two years.....


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> You shouldn’t be getting attached and settling down at 26. If you are a high value man, the world is your oyster.


BS my husbands an exec and good looking. We were together at 26. 26 doesn’t mean you have to ho around


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Just because she has a past, doesn't mean that she's not a good woman. I have a past that I'm not entirely to fond of but the moment that I started seeing my husband, it all changed. Our past is our past is our past.


This is fair for sure. I personally hold the same standard for both women AND men. For me personally, I'm going to be in the dating market soon. I've only ever slept with one woman in my life. There is no way in hell I'm going to date a woman who decided to sleep with 7 different men in one month. I don't care if she thinks she is ready to settle down. I'm not interested in a woman that would do that. 

I'm not saying she is a bad person. I'm just saying that I am personally not interested in someone that would do that. 

If I were a woman, I would hold the same expectation of a man. 

I am not looking for a virgin or a woman that has only been with one man (like I've only been with one woman), but I want a woman that doesn't have a ton of one night stands. If she has a body count but it is all from multiple relationships, then ok. No harm. No foul. 7 in one month? That is a much different mind set than me.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

snowbum said:


> BS my husbands an exec and good looking. We were together at 26. 26 doesn’t mean you have to ho around


Not BS. I’ve seen a lot of dreams crushed because a young man knocks up his gf.


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

UKnavigator said:


> 26





UKnavigator said:


> I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years, I love her and she is deffo perfect for me. We get along so well, we’ve never argued, and we recently moved in together. Everything’s great, except one thing.
> 
> I guess I’ve never really had a casual dating phase, we met on tinder and she deffo was doing the hot girl summer thing, think she hooked up with like 7 guys in one month. It never used to bother me, I never cared, but lately it’s something that’s on my mind a lot. My housemate recently ended his relationship with his girlfriend to be more casual with people and have multiple partners because he said he never did it when he was younger.
> 
> ...


I was in your shoes once... and I read through the thread.

I'm not going to beat you up for admitting you think you might want to play the field a bit more, even if you put it a little more crassly than that. I'm going to assume you don't mean to imply you're a sex-crazed guy who can't commit.

Don't let people here guilt you into staying with someone if youre not committed. And sometimes we still need to make mistakes ourselves.

sow your wild oats if you feel you need to; you're still young enough. 

BUT... don't expect to grow from it, without keeping your eyes open and consciously learning from what you're doing. Learn to communicate better. Learn to listen to your feelings, but not be controlled by them. 

And don't do anything while sowing your "wild oats" that makes it harder to sow your "not-so-wild oats" when you feel ready to settle down.

If you do want to have kids and start a family, think of where you'll be age-wise as those kids grow. You have time, but not unlimited time.


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

Some people here need to chill a bit. when posters come sincerely looking for advice, I don't think they should get sh** for it. Especially from people older and wiser...

l mean, I learned a lot of lessons from older people when I was 26, sure. I was always surprised though how it was served up with a dollop of contempt and bitterness.

Like giving advice and helping younger generations - whether we identify with them personally, gender-wise or racially - is high on the list of positive things one can do that literally cost nothing. Not sure why some people find it so difficult.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Reluctant Texan said:


> Some people here need to chill a bit. when posters come sincerely looking for advice, I don't think they should get sh** for it. Especially from people older and wiser...
> 
> l mean, I learned a lot of lessons from older people when I was 26, sure. I was always surprised though how it was served up with a dollop of contempt and bitterness.
> 
> Like giving advice and helping younger generations - whether we identify with them personally, gender-wise or racially - is high on the list of positive things one can do that literally cost nothing. Not sure why some people find it so difficult.


I think OP has gotten a lot of good advice and opinions from others. Not sure what you are seeing differently?


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think OP has gotten a lot of good advice and opinions from others. Not sure what you are seeing differently?


I'm not calling anyone in particular out, just a couple people seemed to take exception to him wanting "casual sex" and called his morals and judgment out (or that's how it seemed to me). 

He's 26... I was 26 once and said and did things I would have said or done differently w/the benefit of hindsight, and didn't always express myself clearly. Just thinking some of us "olds" (I'm not that old, but older than him) could spare the outrage or contempt a bit.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I think a goals oriented approach is the right one.

My goals never included “have sex with a lot of different women” instead my goal was/is “have a lot of sex with woman(s)”. So the state I was searching for as a young man was to find a wife I liked who also wanted to have a lot of sex.

If my goal was “have sex with as many women as I can” then I would have done things differently. To be honest it would be much easier for me to do that now, but I still am not interested in that.

So for me I never regret missing out on that phase because it wasn’t important to me and it still isn’t.

However if it is important for him to have meaningless sex with as many women as possible without settling down then he’s doing it poorly by starting with an actual girlfriend. He’s be better served by being single and ready to mingle.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Making any decision ever because you perceive 'everyone else is doing it' is a terrible way to operate in life.

You pick your own path that is good for you.

All those others out there bouncing around from person to person want what you already have - a stable relationship with a great woman (if what you describe about your relationship is true).


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If you feel you need to even the score then break up and move on. Otherwise you may be tempted to act on your feelings — without telling her — at some point and that won’t benefit either of you.


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> That is a red flag for sure but if she's proven herself for two years.....


I kinda agree, but also two years is nothing, compared to the length of a lifelong marriage commitment at 26. it's been a pandemic, and those two years haven't been exactly "normal" in the hookup scene. I have friends who've told me people are a lot more cautious (which is good).

Plus, she's only as committed as he knows... he could be wrong.

I don't think there's any "bright line rule" on how many hookups are too much, but sleeping with seven (7) different partners in a month seems like quite a bit. There's 4.5 weeks in a month. Different ones on the same weekends? out partying every night of the week, and taking all comers? 

Was that a typical month for her, or was it like a wild 30 days of her life? How does one go from all that action to monogamy and home life without ever wanting it again?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Reluctant Texan said:


> I kinda agree, but also two years is nothing, compared to the length of a lifelong marriage commitment at 26. it's been a pandemic, and those two years haven't been exactly "normal" in the hookup scene. I have friends who've told me people are a lot more cautious (which is good).
> 
> Plus, she's only as committed as he knows... he could be wrong.
> 
> ...


I wasn't reading anything into it that OP wasn't talking about.

I'm not willing to speculate. It is a red flag though.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is fair for sure. I personally hold the same standard for both women AND men. For me personally, I'm going to be in the dating market soon. I've only ever slept with one woman in my life. There is no way in hell I'm going to date a woman who decided to sleep with 7 different men in one month. I don't care if she thinks she is ready to settle down. I'm not interested in a woman that would do that.
> 
> I'm not saying she is a bad person. I'm just saying that I am personally not interested in someone that would do that.
> 
> ...


This. And this massive **** fest wasn't something in her distant past. It was current, when she met him!

I would bet a lot if he were with someone who didn't do things like this he wouldn't be having the feelings he's having.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> So far, I don't see anything here besides a guy wondering "what if".
> 
> Done it many times myself and so have most of the posters here if they are honest.


If I've ever done a "what if", then I end it with the person.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Ok but don't be so hard on OP for wondering "what if" maybe?😉


Come on now. If everyone is being honest, and this guy's girlfriend came to him and said, "I care about you, but I'd really like to experience sex with other men" and he wasn't of the mindset he wanted to do the same, he'd be pissed, guaranteed.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

drencrom said:


> Come on now. If everyone is being honest, and this guy's girlfriend came to him and said, "I care about you, but I'd really like to experience sex with other men" and he wasn't of the mindset he wanted to do the same, he'd be pissed, guaranteed.


That isn't what's happening though.

He is discussing thoughts and feelings here which is something many posters have done including me.

I had a lot of "what if" thoughts when I was younger and still do though they have a lot less weight these days.

He didn't do what you are posting about.

He is just wondering.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

drencrom said:


> If I've ever done a "what if", then I end it with the person.


I've had what if thoughts my whole life, on occasion, and I'm happily married to the woman I had a first date with over 31 years ago.

You might be reading too much into wondering about something.


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

I


Livvie said:


> This. And this massive **** fest wasn't something in her distant past. It was current, when she met him!
> 
> I would bet a lot if he were with someone who didn't do things like this he wouldn't be having the feelings he's having.


Good point. 

2 years (assume 24-26?) isn't much time to see how a person is going to behave during their 30's and 40's, when the commitment gets a lot more real.

All he has to go on is her track record, and... if not quite "nymphomania" it's impressive.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> That isn't what's happening though.


That's what he is thinking. If I'm in a committed relationship, I don't want someone who is thinking that. And if they are thinking that, then they can do me the favor of ending the relationship.



> He is discussing thoughts and feelings here which is something many posters have done including me.


Ok, so what is your advice? Suppress his feelings and continue on with her in hopes he doesn't get an itch and cheat on her? Or let her go if he truly feels he is missing out?




> He didn't do what you are posting about.
> 
> He is just wondering.


I know he didn't do it. But ok, if just wondering about it isn't a big deal and he isn't going out and actively doing it, then he should be able to sit down with her and discuss what he's feeling, yes?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

drencrom said:


> That's what he is thinking. If I'm in a committed relationship, I don't want someone who is thinking that. And if they are thinking that, then they can do me the favor of ending the relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


LoL! It's just thoughts my man. I've discussed quite a bit here that resolved things in my head way before it came to talking with the Mrs about it.

I already gave him my advice. He seems happy and satisfied so he should keep doing what he is with his good girlfriend.

There has been more than one time that I got my head wrapped around something with the help of TAM and the issue I thought I had was cleared up before it became anything in real life.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> LoL! It's just thoughts my man. I've discussed quite a bit here that resolved things in my head way before it came to talking with the Mrs about it.
> 
> I already gave him my advice. He seems happy and satisfied so he should keep doing what he is with his good girlfriend.
> 
> There has been more than one time that I got my head wrapped around something with the help of TAM and the issue I thought I had was cleared up before it became anything in real life.


So I'll ask again, especially since he already said he is worried about regretting it for the rest of his life if he doesn't go out and get his rocks off with others....he should be able to sit down and talk to her about his desires, yes? I mean like you said, they are "just" thoughts. So he can talk to her about it. yes? no?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

UKnavigator said:


> I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years, I love her and she is deffo perfect for me. We get along so well, we’ve never argued, and we recently moved in together.....
> 
> .....we met on tinder and she deffo was doing the hot girl summer thing, think she hooked up with like 7 guys in one month. *It never used to bother me, I never cared, but lately it’s something that’s on my mind a lot.*
> 
> ......Feels like a lose lose situation......


I really haven't read many of the other posts, but this one seems so obvious.

I am a 73 year old guy. In college, I was the social chair for my house. I have seen a lot over the years.

You are not yet mature enough or ready for a long term relationship.

If her past bothers you. If your lack of sexual exploration bothers you. You are not ready for a long term relationship. 

If you were my son, I would advise you to grow up quickly and if you are then sure about marrying this woman, get some counseling with her to make sure the two of you understand what marriage is and how important a commitment to each other is in marriage. If you can't mature quickly, or you still aren't sure about this woman, then let her go as she deserves being in a long term relationship with a grown man.

Good luck


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## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

The biggest question is this - if the buddy wasn't out and about, doing him - would any of this be a consideration?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> The biggest question is this - if the buddy wasn't out and about, doing him - would any of this be a consideration?


Is that really the question?

My opinion is after 2 years you should know if you are in it for the long haul or not. If you are then these thoughts wouldn't cross your mind. Yet alone be strong enough for you to come to an internet forum because you are contemplating breaking up over it. 

And if you are not in it for the long haul it's cruel to waste a young woman's fertile years.

I assure you she probably has no clue he isn't attached to her very well.

He's happy enough to stay but she's not the one for him. So for him he should break up and see what else is out there. For her, it isn't fair what he's doing.

ETA: and for those who are like oh he's just thought about it. It's in his mind. I have never had the thought of leaving my husband. He's not only had the thought of breaking up with her, he's here asking about it which means it's more than a fleeting fancy. It isn't the same as that girl looks hot. I'd like to bang her. He's actually wanting some strange cause he's jealous and missing out. That's a state of being incompatible with a good long term relationship.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> Is that really the question?
> 
> My opinion is after 2 years you should know if you are in it for the long haul or not. If you are then these thoughts wouldn't cross your mind. Yet alone be strong enough for you to come to an internet forum because you are contemplating breaking up over it.
> 
> ...


Exactly. And it's not fair to her. What if the roles were reversed.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Anastasia6 said:


> Is that really the question?
> 
> My opinion is after 2 years you should know if you are in it for the long haul or not. If you are then these thoughts wouldn't cross your mind. Yet alone be strong enough for you to come to an internet forum because you are contemplating breaking up over it.
> 
> ...


He's 26. That's young. I think it's perfectly understandable to not know is he's in for the long haul at that age.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> You shouldn’t be getting attached and settling down at 26. If you are a high value man, the world is your oyster.


Most people of 26 are mature enough for a long term relationship/marriage. The OP isnt.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Livvie said:


> He's 26. That's young. I think it's perfectly understandable to not know is he's in for the long haul at that age.


I don't know about that. At 26 I had already been married 8 years, served in the military for 6 years, earned my first college degree (while in the military) and had my first daughter on the way. I think it is a copout to say he is young and figuring himself out at 26.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I've had what if thoughts my whole life, on occasion, and I'm happily married to the woman I had a first date with over 31 years ago.
> 
> You might be reading too much into wondering about something.


He has asked if he should actually leave his relationship to sleep around. That is more than just wondering occasionally 'what if'
He should leave, so that his girlfriend can find a guy who wants only her.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Livvie said:


> He's 26. That's young. I think it's perfectly understandable to not know is he's in for the long haul at that age.


Then he should break up with her until he is mature enough for a long haul. He already is thinking he'll regret not sewing his oats.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

drencrom said:


> Then he should break up with her until he is mature enough for a long haul. He already is thinking he'll regret not sewing his oats.


Absolutely, it's highly unlikely he will remain faith long term.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I don't know about that. At 26 I had already been married 8 years, served in the military for 6 years, earned my first college degree (while in the military) and had my first daughter on the way. I think it is a copout to say he is young and figuring himself out at 26.


if he is not grown up at 26 I would not like my daughter to be his gf


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> He has asked if he should actually leave his relationship to sleep around. That is more than just wondering occasionally 'what if'
> He should leave, so that his girlfriend can find a guy who wants only her.


He is sharing thoughts on it.

I think he's listened to too much hype and he's got something solid he should work with.

The impression I'm getting is of an inexperienced man that is giving a foolish idea too much headspace.

If he was treating his girlfriend poorly, I would agree he needs to leave but he has only posted good things about their relationship.

He hasn't done anything stupid or wrong. He has a stupid idea and he is being told it is stupid and to stop entertaining it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

frenchpaddy said:


> if he is not grown up at 26 I would not like my daughter to be his gf


Or bang 7 guys in a month now be fair.😉


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> He is sharing thoughts on it.
> 
> I think he's listened to too much hype and he's got something solid he should work with.
> 
> ...


So you've had thoughts that you should divorce your wife?

You say he should keep a great thing. That's just it. He obviously doesn't see it as soooo great or he wouldn't be entertaining those thoughts.

You've come to this board and asked about divorcing your wife?

How long did you court your wife before proposing? Before you knew?
If he doesn't now by know then it just isn't a good fit for him. Period. It isn't the thoughts that is the trouble so much as what it says about his commitment to his relationship.

I have never once thought about divorcing my husband.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> So you've had thoughts that you should divorce your wife?
> *It was a possibility at one very low point and this site did help me through it.*
> You say he should keep a great thing. That's just it. He obviously doesn't see it as soooo great or he wouldn't be entertaining those thoughts.
> *That's your position but not OP's. You are projecting. *
> ...


I think it's actually pretty common for folks to reflect on the path not taken and, as far as I can tell, that's all that's going on here.

They aren't even married yet btw. I was with my wife for 4 years before we sealed the deal and we went through far more than OP and his girlfriend did.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> At 26, most women would most likely be holding him back from seeking his career excellence. Whether he wants to start his own business or move up the corporate ladder, having a significant other at home will just get in the way (your working too many hours, you have no time for me, etc). Also, at their age, she most likely is going to have baby rabies. That would be a huge mistake for someone that wants to play the field, as OP does. She sounds like she’s a good woman, but for OP, her timing is off.


It is completely doable to have a relationship and build a career. Tougher once you have kids so I would agree to hold off on that until you have the career established if you have high career goals. But juggling a relationship and a career is not that difficult. Guys that run around saying if I only didn't get married I would have been the CEO in all likelihood would have not been the CEO even if they lived in their office and never went on a date.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

IMO young people probably have a higher opinion of casual sex, and older people a higher opinion of stable relationships. When reading responses, bear in mind most of those responding are likely a lot older than you are.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

happyhusband0005 said:


> It is completely doable to have a relationship and build a career. Tougher once you have kids so I would agree to hold off on that until you have the career established if you have high career goals. But juggling a relationship and a career is not that difficult. Guys that run around saying if I only didn't get married I would have been the CEO in all likelihood would have not been the CEO even if they lived in their office and never went on a date.


Fully agree with this. I was bf/gf with my wife when I started my business, we married a few years later at 26, kids at 30 when business was fully established.

GF plus career is not an issue, at all. In fact, I think it was helpful that I wasn't out late chasing girls around....


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

My vote is go sow your seeds. Watch out for pregnancy and stds, lol.
There is no way I would want your girlfriend to marry you.
Be honorable and break up with her.
Have fun!


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

SpinyNorman said:


> IMO young people probably have a higher opinion of casual sex, and older people a higher opinion of stable relationships.  When reading responses, bear in mind most of those responding are likely a lot older than you are.


I'm older and have a higher opinion of stable relationships, even though I'll never enter one ever again. I get the casual sex thing. But if someone has that desire then it's real simple....don't enter a committed relationship if one's desire is to sew oats. Play around, then enter a committed relationship when they mature.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

UKnavigator said:


> I dunno, I guess it feels like everyone is doing it / did it in their early 20s and feels like it’s something you’re supposed to do I guess (I know that’s a paper thin reason)


Not everyone does it or did it. My wife was my first and my only, and me hers. I was 19 and she 18 when we married. She put a smile of my face and on hers tonight....38 years later. 

Sex is not enough and it is not the most important part of life. What truly matters is deeper.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Yeah. Let go of the BS. What matters is between you two and no one else.
> 
> You are at a good age to get your life going with someone anyway.
> 
> She doesn't boast or try to make you feel like less because you don't have a similar past right?


Listen to @ConanHub the wise.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BootsAndJeans said:


> Listen to @ConanHub the wise.


Think you just awakened a zombie thread mate.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BootsAndJeans said:


> Listen to @ConanHub the wise.


I'm a wise ass but thanks!😉


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Stop looking at porn.
It is making you yearn for variety.

Variety thrives on the surface, it cannot have deep roots.

Getting that variety would require you to misrepresent yourself and hurt those women who trust you enough to share themselves with you.

For that variety to come about, you would need to become a selfish dirtball.


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