# She says she loves me as a Best Freind



## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

Married for 8 years and 2 kids. My just told me that she only loves me as her best freind and that she still enjoys the sex we have together. She says she lost the "twinkle love" that she had for me and now its a best friend love. I probably feel the same love she has for me. I think the love we have is for comfort, freindship and the kids tie us together. 
I'm not sure if this is good or bad, will her feelings as just a best friend destroy our marriage? 
She told me she doesn't mind if I found another girlfriend just for fun, to be happy, maybe to find the twinkle love" or just for fun that actually bothers me that she says that.
She is not seeing anyone or cheating on me as far as I know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

No this is not good as it will open her heart to other people. Do you want other men in your marriage? 

Sounds like you need to plan a romantic date. That part of a relationship, the special connection is earned. If you don't work to maintain it you'll lose it.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

Also just because she isn't (are you sure?) cheating on you now doesn't mean it cant happen in the future. What's to stop her form doing it if you are?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Neither of you are the same person you were eight years and no kids ago. I expect you felt differently about driving a car at 16 than you do now. Relationships mature as people mature. Our needs change and relationships have to change to meet new needs. That doesn't mean you're not still "in love" or "turned on" by each other. Consider this....if your wife heard extremely wonderful news or extremely heartbreaking news, who's the first person she would run to? If she were in the E.R. and the doc told her she had 6 hours to live, who would she tell them to call? Part of what makes dating sex exciting is apprehension. Once you've been married, there's little of that but it gets replaced with appreciation, devotion, nurturing, etc. For me, it makes sex better, but it does feel different. I'd rather be a woman's rock for fifty years than a woman's cheap thrill for 50 minutes. If she misses dating sex, then date her. You know how to flirt, romance, and surprise her. I'm 50, but I still remember how to act 16. Every now and then, forget she's your wife and the mother of your kids. Treat her like she's the hottest cheerleader in high school and she finally agreed to go out with you.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Gooch78 said:


> Married for 8 years and 2 kids. My just told me that she only loves me as her best freind and that she still enjoys the sex we have together. She says she lost the "twinkle love" that she had for me and now its a best friend love. I probably feel the same love she has for me. I think the love we have is for comfort, freindship and the kids tie us together.
> I'm not sure if this is good or bad, will her feelings as just a best friend destroy our marriage?
> *She told me she doesn't mind if I found another girlfriend* just for fun, to be happy, maybe to find the twinkle love" or just for fun that actually bothers me that she says that.
> She is not seeing anyone or cheating on me as far as I know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


NOT GOOD.

She no longer views you as her husband. Just a friend with benefits. She loves you but is not in love with you.

There is someone else. You knowing about it is not a requirment.

I have been married 35 years. We just had a fantastic weekend together. 

see www.marriedmansexlife.com

I changed my view towards my wife to the following priorites:

1) Her exclusive lover

2) Her best male friend

3) Her husband

Go for that. Don't date other women. Find out who she is falling in love with. It is not you. Kill that relationship and take your wife back.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Gooch78 said:


> Married for 8 years and 2 kids. My just told me that she only loves me as her best freind and that she still enjoys the sex we have together. She says she lost the "twinkle love" that she had for me and now its a best friend love. I probably feel the same love she has for me. I think the love we have is for comfort, freindship and the kids tie us together.
> I'm not sure if this is good or bad, will her feelings as just a best friend destroy our marriage?
> She told me she doesn't mind if I found another girlfriend just for fun, to be happy, maybe to find the twinkle love" or just for fun that actually bothers me that she says that.
> She is not seeing anyone or cheating on me as far as I know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 She just told you that she no longer considers you her husband and that she no longer wants a monogamous relationship with you. If she is not already cheating, she has found someone that she wants to cheat with.

You must express you concerns to her right now and confront her about her intentions in maintaining a fully monogamous relationship with you. Do not back down one inch about maintaining this basic boundary in your marriage. Do this right now.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Agree with TRy - She's given you permission to go Free Range even though the two of you still have sex. I would say this is as bad as the "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you" speech.

Either she's activly cheating or has developed feelings for someone else.

What does she do for a living and how old are you guys? Does she go to the gym to workout? What kind of time away from the home?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

The responses you'll find here are very insightful and more often than not absolutely correct.

In another post of a similar theme, a responder mentioned that if a woman ever brings up seeing another woman to her husband SHE already has eyes for somebody else.

I truly think that's in play here.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)




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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Gooch78 said:


> She is not seeing anyone or cheating on me as far as I know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe not, but she is looking for someone. Do you go on dates together? Hire a babysitter and date her like you did before you were married, every Friday for a month. See if things improve. In any event, at least you will have some fun together.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I didn't catch the part about her giving you permission to go outside the marriage. I agree completely. Either she is actively engaged in an affair or she's already selected her adultery partner. Giving you the green light is her way of justifying her own desires.


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Maybe not, but she is looking for someone. Do you go on dates together? Hire a babysitter and date her like you did before you were married, every Friday for a month. See if things improve. In any event, at least you will have some fun together.


Maybe This week as we are sending kids to family over Easter break.


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I didn't catch the part about her giving you permission to go outside the marriage. I agree completely. Either she is actively engaged in an affair or she's already selected her adultery partner. Giving you the green light is her way of justifying her own desires.


Thats what Im wondering, but we actively almost have sex every other day. She says she is not interested in finding someone else and only interested in making money. We run a business and so we are constantly thinking of money and work. Her number 1 priority is money and family, when she says family, keeping our children with a mother and father together.. But she no longer loves me.


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

Can a women be cheating on her husband when they are sexualy active almost every other day..


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Gooch78 said:


> Can a women be cheating on her husband when they are sexualy active almost every other day..


Absolutely. In fact many women become MORE sexual during an affair....out of guilt.

Now I'm not saying she is having an affair but that little I don't love you that way speech is a red flag.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Gooch78 said:


> Can a women be cheating on her husband when they are sexualy active almost every other day..


YES!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Gooch78 said:


> Can a women be cheating on her husband when they are sexualy active almost every other day..



mine did


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

Has anything changed since your previous post? Is she still spending all her time with her best friend? If she says she loves you like a best friend, why was she spending all her time with her best friend, whom you think is a bad influence? 

I would say she's giving you permission to sleep around because it's either what she wants or what she's doing.

Just ask her if she's having an affair or in love with anyone else, guage her reaction. 

What kind of help are you looking for by posting this? getting her back?


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Sometimes I just don't understand why love doesn't last these days. Is it because we take it soo much for granted that someone loves us that we no longer care as much as we used to and look elsewhere for something more exciting..??

Sorry, but I just don't get it.

It is sooo great to see old couples that have been married for 50 years or better and wouldn't we all like to sit down with them and ask them how THEY made it work for so long? 

My parents were married for 45 years before my mom died from cancer. I rarely saw them argue although there were times they had their differences, yet they always worked them out. I remember my dad sometimes giving my mom the silent treatment for a bit..but they never argued, yet sat down and talked about things.

Another instance is a couple I met a few weeks ago that had been married for 75 years. Yep...that long!! My dad and I had the privilige of sitting down for breakfast one morning and talking to them about their marriage and this is what she said,

"My husband was a mailman for 40 years while I was a home maker. He never liked the idea of me working much, although I'd rather have worked. But then we had several children and I decided that my place was in the home."

As she looked at her husband though...it was sort of funny since she said, "Our first home though..he chose it..and two days after we were married and we went to look at this house, he told me, "If you don't like it..just tell me and we won't have to buy it honey.." She continued, "So we walk into this house..I hated it the minute we walked in..hated every inch of it. So the realtor says, 'What do you think??' and my husband says, "We'll take it!!"

She says, "I always hated that house!! But we raised 7 wonderful children in that place and learned to call it home. I can't tell you that we didn't have hard times during 75 years together with him being a mailman and his legs and feet going bad to the point of him being in a wheelchair...him and that wheelchair..I tell ya. Everytime I vacuumed...he planted that damned wheelchair wherever I was gonna vacuum I think just to get on my nerves..so I had to move his butt outta there and move it back while it made marks all over my clean carpet..but I tell ya...after 75 years of marriage..if all I can complain about is wheelchair marks on my vacuumed carpet...he's a good man..a very good man..and we've been truly blessed!!"

A short time after that, her husband passed away and while giving my condolences to her she said, "Ya know what I'm gonna miss the most? His wheelchair marks....", as she laughed.

It's the little things we miss the most..and the little things we take for granted.

Love the ones your with people. Love them for who they are..not who you want them to be.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You've hit the 7 to 10 yrs, same old, same old, boring cycle

Giant red flag---that your wife would even think about suggesting you go outside the mge---that right there needs to be dug into, and find out the reasoning behind it---and you don't need to go further about anything until you do

As to having sex with you, it keeps you from getting suspicious, and it helps her with her guilt, if she is doing someone on the side

She very well now could be in love with someone else, and that itself is a reason for her to tell you she has no strong romantic love for you----another man could very well be inside her head, and he has her romantic love.

Do not delude yourself into thinking your wife isn't cheating----cheaters know exactly how to lie, manipulate, cajole, decieve, and plan what they are doing---SO THAT YOU WILL NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING

Before you go one more day----you need to find out why she would even think of allowing her H, to stray----that is agst, every single principle of mge.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

For me, at least, the question of whether she was cheating on me or not would be uninteresting. The question I'd be thinking about would be, "Do I wish to be in a friends with benefits marriage?" For me, that would be a resounding "No!" so the whole "cheating" thing would be irrelevant.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Gooch78 said:


> Can a women be cheating on her husband when they are sexualy active almost every other day..


Yes, they often use it as a cover
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Another wife falling out of love with her husband. You should see the look of shock on my face right now.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

When a woman suggests an open marriage, she already has someone specific in mind she wants to be with. She is, in effect, having an emotional affair and looking for permission to make it physical.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm guessing that in her fantasy world, her buddy might be free to have sex with other women, but his paycheck would still be coming home to her?


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Jeff/BC said:


> The question I'd be thinking about would be, "Do I wish to be in a friends with benefits marriage?"


:iagree:

Your wife is asking you for permission to re-negotiate the terms of your marriage contract. Previously, your marriage was monogamous and based on romantic love. She wants to know if you would like to dissolve that and choose instead open marriage and a partnership style that is friendship with financial and domestic benefits.

Figure out which one you want. If you're ok with the latter, do nothing. If you're not, then act now because otherwise, your inaction and your lack of challenging this re-negotiation is giving her permission to change the terms of your marriage. 

Don't avoid dealing with this because the fallout of indecision will be tremendously painful.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> When a woman suggests an open marriage, she already has someone specific in mind she wants to be with. She is, in effect, having an emotional affair and looking for permission to make it physical.


Think I'd be greatly concerned about the presence of STD's right now. It's time to immediately get the both of you into counseling right now, contingent upon if you have any kind of plan in place on trying to save this relationship!


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## JenLovesCookies (Apr 8, 2012)

memyselfandi said:


> Sometimes I just don't understand why love doesn't last these days. Is it because we take it soo much for granted that someone loves us that we no longer care as much as we used to and look elsewhere for something more exciting..??
> 
> Sorry, but I just don't get it.
> 
> ...




I think you hit the nail on the head with that story. Youthful passion burns out over time, but hopefully what you're left with is hopefully what stands the test of time.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

You were saying to yourself I do not care that she would find another man to spend good time with him then think about your last sentence


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