# Husband just insulted me...



## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

We were having a discussion about where gift money had been placed and part was for our upcoming trip, part had been spent on x and the other part was put into his savings account. What he spent on things was $100 over what we had been given, after we clarified this, I asked again about the check he had put into his personal account. He said it was in his mutual fund. I said but that money was for both of us. Since his account is not a joint account then how is it being used for both of us... Im not accruing any interest in my savings on it, only him. Then he shot back it is yours I just wrote up a will. So, I said that doesnt have anything to do with todya, that is after you die. He said "ok, Ill take it out so you can blow it on whatever you want." I am not a spender, and that is not what I was implying. Why did he have to take a discussion and turn it into an argument like that? Then he tells me Im the one who doesnt know how to have a discussion when he is the one who turned it into an argument!

SO hurt right now... I think this was so he could get out of sex tonight!


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I don't exactly understand....did you want half the money for your savings account instead? Why make a huge deal about where the money went...your married right? In the future will you use the same amount that you should of gotten to buy new clothes, or something fun? Marriage isn't about equally splitting every dollar that comes through the door. If it was, why get married  

See if he would be willing to add your name to his mutual fund, then he won't have to leave it to you in his will.

And honestly I think by nagging (which is how he saw it from the reaction he gave) him about how he was taking half your money is why he said you started the argument.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

My H does that sometimes, too, although its not so obvious. My H will usually take sarcastic stabs at me. he's a little more subtle. after awhile i started carrying around a black pen and every time he said something mean, i marked his hand with a black dot. if he tried to argue with me i just told him its how i feel and you cant argue with how i feel. Or he would say, 'i was just joking.' and i would tell him its not funny when its at my expense. 

after awhile i just started saying, "that's a black dot." then he would say, "well you said...." implying that a comment i said previously provoked a mean comment from him. i told him that's fine. but instead of retaliating, just tell me i said something that hurt your feelings. 

it seems to be working. he's learning to tell me when i said something that hurt him instead of retaliating.


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## MerryMerry (Dec 6, 2009)

That's a great idea with the black dot, but I think I'd be so mad I'd just stab him with the pen. Kidding. Still, that's way healthier than the way we handle conversations like that...maybe I'll try it. 



Blanca said:


> My H does that sometimes, too, although its not so obvious. My H will usually take sarcastic stabs at me. he's a little more subtle. after awhile i started carrying around a black pen and every time he said something mean, i marked his hand with a black dot. if he tried to argue with me i just told him its how i feel and you cant argue with how i feel. Or he would say, 'i was just joking.' and i would tell him its not funny when its at my expense.
> 
> after awhile i just started saying, "that's a black dot." then he would say, "well you said...." implying that a comment i said previously provoked a mean comment from him. i told him that's fine. but instead of retaliating, just tell me i said something that hurt your feelings.
> 
> it seems to be working. he's learning to tell me when i said something that hurt him instead of retaliating.


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