# How to separate when one partner has nowhere to go



## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Ok so things aren't great and I need some opinions. H is from the US, so he has NO ONR here in Canada but my family. We own a house with my sister so for me to leave it would be awkward for her (she lives in the basement Aprtment) I feel like I need some time from my H. He treats me like his Dad has always treated him. Tonight he came up at around 8pm and started yelling at me about not having my hair done. I took a shower am hour earlier and was just laying on my bed on YouTube. I lost track of time as we were supposed to be going out to the movies tonight. So he comes up and tells me to get my head out of my ass. I lose my ****. I told him he doesn't need to talk to me like I am a piece of **** and needs to apologize. We keep arguing and he goes on to say he sees how my sister and I didn't have men before (my sister is single) because no one can get along with us. Now I am very easy to get along with, H is the only person who pushes my buttons and makes me so mad. I tell him to go to the movies by himself, put a shirt on and out the door I go. I am not sitting in my car at the beach (yes it's dark and cold as hell in Canada) but I don't know what else to do. I hate hate hate being talked to like crap. H says my Daddy let us so whatever we want and that's why I have such an issue with things. This comes from the guy who was talked to like **** thru his teenage years from his Dad. Whom his family believes was abusive to him and his brother. So I come downstairs, punch the wall, slam a few doors and once again, here I am in my car. He has called my cell at least 20 times. The ignore button it is. All I wanted was for H to say sorry for saying what he said to me. He also said I am the reason he acts the way he does and he yells. Bull****! Your father is the reason you yell because he does! What should I do now?

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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

It was wrong for him to say what he said they way he said it. He wasn't wrong for being upset if you we're going to be late to the movie. I think you two could salvage things but you both need tools to communicate. A language that you both understand, He speaks yours and you speak his. There are several books on this. 
At some point he will have to acknowledge that he was abused by his father but he will need to take the responsibilty to fix it. He needs some councilling and you may too. If you don't feel safe don't go home.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Gonnabealright said:


> It was wrong for him to say what he said they way he said it. He wasn't wrong for being upset if you we're going to be late to the movie. I think you two could salvage things but you both need tools to communicate. A language that you both understand, He speaks yours and you speak his. There are several books on this.
> At some point he will have to acknowledge that he was abused by his father but he will need to take the responsibilty to fix it. He needs some councilling and you may too. If you don't feel safe don't go home.


We have been in marriage counselling for awhile now, it is helping but an hour doesn't seem like enough time. I bought his needs her needs but he doesn't want to read it so the counsellor said he doesn't have to. I would like it if he did but cannot make him. We talked after me being gone for 2 hours and I went home. I am not scared if him so I felt fine going home. We talked a bit and it's the same old stuff. He knows we push each other's buttons and I told him all I wanted was for him to say sorry and not put a but in the end. So we will see

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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

It sounds like your taking care of your end. Keep doing that. Make sure you don't push his buttons. Use the old "When you do this it makes me feel like this". There is the old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. He is going to councilling but it sounds like he doesn't want to change. As long as you keep communicating in a healthy way you can say you gave it your best and you tried to salvage marriage. Keep trying. I hope things change for you two otherwise you will have to change it for your own happiness and well being. 
Just keep communicating how you feel when he acts like that. He will be waiting for you to slip and go back to your old ways. He needs to see you be consistent in your new way of communicating. It takes practice. 
Are you close to family? It might help to let them know there is problems and they may help you get through to him.


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