# AboutTime



## ReadytoMoveOn1134 (Jan 15, 2016)

So I would believe if I told my friends and family I was finally ready to file for divorce - most would say its about time! Been married for almost 24 years, 2 kids both in college. 
We have been co-habitating for probably the last 5 or 6 years - separate bedrooms - the marriage only existing really for the kids and money. We celebrate holidays and special occasions together but not much other than that. He does his thing and I do mine. His of course include other women while I can't even imagine getting involved with anyone until I am emotionally and legally separated. 
With both kids gone its really been lonely for me; I work, have friends and volunteer but it's really hard to move on being in this situation. 
Ironically we both have wealthy mom's who are elderly and in poor health. It's so weird that we don't actually talk about what we are going to do when money isn't a problem anymore. 
I am just trying to figure out why this is so painful for me and why don't I file for divorce now? I know rationally this is the only solution but why do I still feel so much pain and sorrow and why am I dragging my feet!


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

ReadytoMoveOn1134 said:


> So I would believe if I told my friends and family I was finally ready to file for divorce - most would say its about time! Been married for almost 24 years, 2 kids both in college.
> We have been co-habitating for probably the last 5 or 6 years - separate bedrooms - the marriage only existing really for the kids and money. We celebrate holidays and special occasions together but not much other than that. He does his thing and I do mine. His of course include other women while I can't even imagine getting involved with anyone until I am emotionally and legally separated.
> With both kids gone its really been lonely for me; I work, have friends and volunteer but it's really hard to move on being in this situation.
> Ironically we both have wealthy mom's who are elderly and in poor health. It's so weird that we don't actually talk about what we are going to do when money isn't a problem anymore.
> I am just trying to figure out why this is so painful for me and why don't I file for divorce now? I know rationally this is the only solution but why do I still feel so much pain and sorrow and why am I dragging my feet!


Metathesiophobia - Fear of Change

It is easier to do nothing than take that first step. If you look at the Stress Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS), you will find that divorce is #2. People do not like to be stressed, so they avoid stressors that are temporary and significant, opting for chronic (albeit lower level) stress. This co-habitation is what you are familiar and comfortable with. It is your routine.

I recommend that you just go and do it. You will find that you surprise yourself by how easy it is. The strength you summon will bring happiness.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Here is a link to what RT is talking about:

Emotional Competency - The Social Readjustment Rating Scale


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

The devil you know is less scary then they devil you don't.

Except that it's not the devil that is waiting for you, it's a new life.

You can do it.


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