# She constantly threatens to commit suicide



## angier (Jun 2, 2011)

I and this woman (A) are in relationship for about 6 months now. 

We've known each other since 9 years. Two years into our friendship, I told her that I like her. I was really mad about her for some reason. But she was in a relationship at that time and rejected me. I ran after her for about 2 years. I felt as if she was my responsibility and tried to take care of everything she wanted. I used to try to lay guilt trips on her and tried to manipulate her. She may have taken me for granted and treated me with something far from respect. I got tired of that friendship and after one of our fights I stopped contacting her. After that we've lost touch and used to talk to each other once in 3 months or so.

Couple of years from then, I fell in love with this other woman. It ended pretty badly, mostly because of me and I was a wreck. I tried to stalk her, beg her and manipulate her. It took me a year to get over her and get rid of my neediness. I did a lot of soul searching and I started to live for myself. In a way, that breakup changed almost everything in me.

a year after my break up 'A' contacted me again. I told her about my breakup. As time progressed she told me that her relationship with her BF is over and she has feelings for me. I had feelings for her too. After a lot of hide and seek, we started dating and planned to marry each other in a year.

Few days into our relationship she started to act weird. She was constantly sad about something. After a lot of pesting, she finally told me that she wanted the things (gifts etc.) from my last relationship to be thrown away. It came to as bit of a shock since she told me before we started dating that she respected my past relationship. She asked me why I kept those. I told her that I kept those out of respect for that girl. But I threw those away when she asked me to. 

From that day onwards, she fights with me, lays guilt trips on me, emotionally blackmails me almost every other day. No matter how much intimate and happy we were, she suddenly turns sad or angry over something or other. She keeps saying that she is not happy with our relationship coz something for my past keeps bugging her and I cannot do anything about it and we better end it. She pushes me to the point where I agree with her that it’s better we end it. And she starts crying and threatens to kill herself because I wanted it to end. That I begged the last girl so much and I don’t care about her. But she doesn’t understand how much I’ve changed and wanted to live with a little respect and did not wanted to be someone’s slave. She says no matter how much angry and egoistic she gets, I should always comfort her and I should not get angry at all. After few fights I tried to mend my ways, I changed everything about me and started to live like she wanted me to. But no matter how much I change, she says there’s always something about my past relationship that bugs her. She keeps comparing the times and gets really upset over nothing. She gives unnecessary importance to my past relationship rather thinking about NOW. She relates everything I do to my past. *She says I made a mistake being in my last relationship and that she thought I “belonged” to her even though she was in relationship with some other guy!!!*

Even though I tried to comfort her when she’s upset over nothing, she pushes me TOO MUCH. She has put her career, family.. everything on hold and is concentrating on me. No matter how much I ask she doesn’t indulge in any activity other than clinging on to me and being sad and upset all the time.

I can’t change what happened in my past. She says she knows that but she can’t control how she thinks and there’s nothing I can do and it seems to her that Killing herself is the only answer!!!! 

I dont know what she's going through.. She's feeling inferior, being really egoistic, depressed,

What the hell should I do?


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

You need to end the relationship. HOW you do that, I don't know, but since she survived her previous relationship before you I wouldn't be held hostage by her threats of suicide. Perhaps you could seek professional help to give you guidance on how to withdraw from the relationship without impacting her to the point of following through with her threats.

Best of luck to you.


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## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

This sounds like a personality disorder and she needs some professional help beyond just a counselor. If she refuses to go it would be a good idea to go alone and try to understand what drives you to cling to this woman and accept her poor behavior. 

When she threatens to commit suicide, if it seems at all like she means it, you should call 911 and get some assistance. You cannot help her alone and ignoring these threats is not a good idea even if they sounds like nothing but ways to manipulate you.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

When a child has a tantrum to get their own way, it only makes it worse when someone (usually parent) gives in because that sort of control is unnatural and they know it. You can't have control over the way someone else feels or remembers. (Only a COMPLETELY delusional person would believe that.)

You should not give up your soul to try to appease her.

Envision her in quicksand. 
Of course you cannot go in after her. 
Stop playing mind games with yourself.

I read a joke the other day:
Q: What do you get when you rescue a damsel in distress?
A: A damsel in distress.

This is way beyond anything you can solve just by being there.
Leave it for the professionals.
You might want to consider individual therapy, for lingering guilt, shoring up susceptibilities, reconciling being nice with being used, etc. BTDT.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Frost said:


> This sounds like a personality disorder and she needs some professional help beyond just a counselor. If she refuses to go it would be a good idea to go alone and try to understand what drives you to cling to this woman and accept her poor behavior.
> 
> When she threatens to commit suicide, if it seems at all like she means it, you should call 911 and get some assistance. You cannot help her alone and ignoring these threats is not a good idea even if they sounds like nothing but ways to manipulate you.


Call 911 if you think she means OR if you think she's manipulating. She will get mental assessment and either get help if she needs it or annoyed with process if manipulating and will think twice before doing that again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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