# long post, but I need some guidance. please help!



## jlk303 (Feb 15, 2010)

Here is my situation…
My husband and I dated about 12 years ago, when I was 19. He was sweet, and funny, but he partied way too much and did a lot of drugs, so I broke up with him. We reconnected 2 years ago. He showed me the house he owned, the business he started (tattoo studio in his basement), and introduced me to his 5 year old son that he has custody of. He told me he was financially secure, that I could move in and not pay for anything, and that he didn’t party anymore. I fell for it hard and fast, and I month later I got pregnant. So I decided to do the right thing and get married. So later I find out that he does not own the house, his parents own it. He filed for bankruptcy a year before we got together, he mostly tattoos drug dealers, and he has problems with marijuana, prescription pills, and I even caught him doing coke. A year ago (our son was 2 months old), I came home from work and it was his day to watch the baby. I came in to my step son upstairs in his room, my husband passed out on the couch with blood coming out of his mouth, and the baby screaming in his baby swing, going full speed and not strapped in, and he hadn’t been fed in almost 4 hours. I left. My husband tattoos some pretty shady people, some of whom get paid to make false testimonies in court. He also has a friend who is a lock smith, and he threatened to have the guy open the locks on my car, plant drugs, then call in an anonymous tip so I would get arrested and lose custody. I went back because he said he would change. He treats his oldest like he is his own, and treats our son like he is his step child. And he even told his friends that he only married me to get health insurance. He goes out whenever he wants to, parties until all hours of the night, and leaves for weekend long snowboarding trips. He does not act like a 33 year old father of 2. And I’m the one who makes sure my step son has dinner and gets his homework done. I pay half of all the bills, and I buy everything for the baby. He has never once bought diapers, baby food, or anything, He has never given the baby a bath, has never put him to bed, and he won’t even come to his doctor’s appointments. I take the baby to mass every Sunday, and I read books to him, take him to museums, take him to the aquarium, etc. My mom watches the baby while I’m at work Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Friday. My husband’s day to watch him is Wednesday, and he won’t even feed him solid food, he just gives him milk all day (baby is 14 months old, has 12 teeth, and has been on solids for 10 months). Husband couldn’t remember the baby’s birthday, my birthday, or our anniversary. I have documented over the past year every time I’ve had to go in late or leave work early because he was too messed up on pills to drop the baby off to my mom or take care of him. I leave for work at 7:20 am. My step son has to start getting ready for school at 8am. I have to put the baby in the pack n play when I leave because my husband won’t fully get up until he “has to” at 8am. He drops the baby off to my mom around 8:50am.
I feel this atmosphere is very unhealthy for my son, and the favoritism my husband shows towards his first-born is unbelievable. But my husband is very prideful, so I know if I leave he will try to get as much custody as possible to make me miserable. This scares me because that would mean more time spent with the baby where he could be messed up on pills and something could happen to the baby. I am also worried that a court found him competent to have custody of his first born (4 years ago, and the child’s mother just left her son, and she was very messed up on drugs). I am also worried that he will pull that stunt with the locksmith. I was debating whether to wait until the baby is old enough to take care of himself a little better, when he realizes he shouldn’t put things in his mouth that he can choke on (3 or 4?). And about me: I have a great job, can completely support myself and my son (I would not want any child support), I go to church every week, I don’t even have as much as a speeding ticket on my record, I set up a saving account for my son and I put $100 into it every month, and I have a Master’s degree. Anybody know what my options are, and if I have a chance to get full custody, with husband having limited and supervised visitation? Thanks, and sorry it’s such a long post.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I would strongly recommend you consult a lawyer and/or a hotline for domestic abuse. His threats of getting you in trouble with the cops to retain custody are a form of abuse--emotional abuse, to keep you under control. It's working, obviously. I'd probably have called an ambulance the first time I found him too messed up to handle the kids, taken pics before they arrived, made sure they did blood tests on him, and have all the documentation ready to use as I walked out the door. What he is doing is child endangerment and, sadly, you can be implicated b/c you know it is going on and you are allowing it to go on. Get on the phone to a hotline now and make an appointment with a lawyer. Clearly you need to get the kids away from him without delay; you want to do it legally and safely, so get advice and follow through. God bless and good luck.


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