# PMS and sex - I just get too angry for sex!



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

I have an issue with PMS and sex. 

Basically, for the week before my period I'm very sore, bloated and angry for no reason other than the fact I have PMS. I've tried all the usual remedies. 

How do I politely and firmly tell my partner that he's more likely to get a swift kick in the family jewels than some sweet lovin' during the run up to my period? How do I explain that it's nothing personal? Everything just makes me angry when I have PMS! 

I have to basically avoid him during the week before my period (hard as we live together). If anyone touches me (including him), I feel completely enraged and feel like giving them a good slap. As soon as I get my period I feel like a human being again and I'm more than happy to get down and dirty. 

I feel the best solution is to stay out of his way during that perilous week, and sleep in the spare room. That way I don't get annoyed by him and he doesn't get the chance to start touching and mithering me. He doesn't risk his male ego being wounded either! So, I think it's a win win situation. 

I just need to find a nice way of saying "leave me the **** alone this week, I'll be up for it again once the eagle has landed."

I've tried to explain the situation on numerous occasions, but I don't think he quite understands.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

You say you "don't think he quite understands." Can you be more specific about what his reaction has been when you try to explain it to him? Is he pissed off about it? Unwilling to go a week without sex? What is it that he's not understanding?

Is this an issue that is damaging your marriage? 

Also, what are the "usual remedies" you've tried? Have you tried individual counseling? I ask because I have the same issues with PMS that you do and I work very, very hard not to let it affect intimacy with my husband. Like you, I tend to want to be "left alone" during that week, but that is very hard for my husband to accept. It's not even that I don't want sex, it's that he keeps thinking there is something HE can do to make it go away . . . and there is not. 

I strongly recommend that you invite him to be your partner in this instead of turning him into your adversary and just avoiding him for a week. Some of the things my husband does that really help me:

1. He keeps a calender of my menstrual cycle so he can anticipate and be be prepared for my PMS days (usually about 4 days before my period). 
2. He focuses more on himself and his schedule/tasks during those days and relies less on me for company. 
3. He reminds himself to accept that I'm going to emotionally "flat" or "neutral" for those days and that it has nothing to do with him. 
4. He avoids initiating discussions of sticky matters or issues in our relationship during this times.
5. He welcomes me back without resentment when I come out of my funk. 

In return I do everything I can to moderate my PMS symptoms (except take meds; we are on agreement about not going that route.)

1. I keep in excellent general health (meaning diet, exercise and sleep.)
2. I talk to my therapist for suggestions on how to communicate my needs to him during this time without totally disregarding his. 
3. I do not reject him sexually during this time, but ask that he initiate sex aggressively if he wants it so that I don't have time to let my PMS "think myself out of it" before my body responds. (You can look at my thread titled Safe Words and Consenting to Non Consent for more on this idea.)
4. I acknowledge that this is a time that I'm not the best wife I can be, but don't expect him to just "suck it up." When I can during the PMS days, I'll give him a hug or ask him to cuddle or thank him for his help and understanding. I try to initiate sex at least once during that time. 

It really sucks when one spouse's behavior changes drastically because of things like hormones or stress. The fact that it happens on a regular schedule for you (1 week out of every month is a lot) is all the more reason to put in place a plan to deal with that works for BOTH of you and considers BOTH of your needs. 

Good luck!


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Thanks GettingIt. It's good to know that someone else understands. 

Doctors have generally been very dismissive about PMS, or so I've found. The usual home remedies such as evening primrose oil and B vitamins haven't done anything. I don't want to take hormones and I also take an epilepsy med which interferes with things like the contraceptive pill. I'm teetotal, exercise, eat pretty well and make a point of getting enough sleep. 

My partner will try to get 'fruity' and then gets all upset when I don't reciprocate. It leads to sulking and a bad atmosphere, sometimes arguments. 

I'm pre menstrual at the moment, my clothes are too tight, my boobs hurt, I feel fat, hot, bothered and faint and I've been swinging between balling my eyes out and feeling incredibly angry today. How am I supposed to feel sexual? 

Perhaps counselling would help, but last week I felt pretty content with life. 

I have tried to be intimate during PMS time, but I hate it and feel really violated, it really freaks me out. Without wanting to sound melodramatic, emotionally it feels like being sexually assaulted, my fight or flight response goes into overdrive. That is melodramatic, I'm being hormonal and irrational!

Obviously I do give him a kiss and a cuddle and really try to be 'normal'. 

Being like this for one week of every month totally sucks. It's as though my biology overrides my sanity. Maybe I should ask to get this moved to the women's section? 

I'm going to talk to my partner about the points you've bought up. I'll just add that I really enjoy agressive sex, but just not before my period.


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

Vamp, I am a guy and husband but I get this 100%. We all have times when we just need our space and we dont want to upset our partner or make them feel neglected or not wanted. I have an idea for you to try on your hubby. I think you will both blow his mind and turn this week into a lot of fun and even exciting for you both. 

First, when you are feeling good and horny. Go all out for him. Make it all about pleasing him and showing him how special he is. Rock his world one night giving him a little of everything he likes during your encounter. When you guys are done he will be on cloud 9 and he will be ready to discuss anything you want. Cuddle up next to him after and tell him you have something you want to talk about. Ask him if he enjoyed tonight and how it made him feel. When he says how much he enjoyed it let him know he will get more of this same treatment in the future. 

Bring up your week when you are not feeling like physical contact and tell him exactly how your body feels that week and that it has nothing to do with him but you just need those few days to yourself without physical contact or him initiating any sex. But during that week you are going to do some really special things for him to make he feel special and loved. Don's share all the good things you are going to do that week. You may want to give him a couple hints or even tell him one of the things you might do that you know will excite him. But leave him excited about what he might get from you. 

When your "off" week arrives let him know it's that time and that you will give him the "green light" when all is good in a few days. But the only rule is he is not allowed to initiate sex or have close physical contact until you say. But when the week is over that first night will be all "fireworks" and his wait will be more than worth it. Each time you have that special night. Make it as incredible as you can so he will not forget it. Now what are you going to do? Well, first find some sexy and intimate pics online. They can be as classy clean or as naughty dirty as you think he will like. Send him a few pics throughout each day. Add in some sexy test messages of what you cant wait for him to do to you in a few days or what you want to do to him and how bad you want it. If this is something you have never done before.. BE CAREFUL.. you are about to both shock him and drive him WILD. Take out some of your sexy lingerie or panties, with maybe some high heels. Make several pictures of them spread out on your bed or a table or the bathroom floor. Use your imagination. Use some of these from time to time during the week. Maybe you just bought a new outfit and he has never seen it before. Give him a little peak at what he might get to see. If you are more bold, take pics of yourself. Anything ranging from sensual to sexy to no hold barred. Mix and match these text, emails, etc throughout the week. Print them out on your printer and leave in his sock drawer, whatever. Just use that week to prime him for the main event. 

Come up with your all is a go tag line for him. When you are feeling fresh and naughty again.. send him a text, email or call him on the phone or tell him in person. "Green Light", "Game On","Come get it", whatever.. you come up with your favorite way to tell him its time to party. After a few months of this kind of treatment and your new found priming week, he will start to get excited about this week.. Because you are always surprising him with new sexy things he might never expect and the sex will be out of the world those first couple days after. I can promise you that he will not be upset or hurt waiting for you that week anymore. And who knows you might start a smoldering fire that you never knew was even possible. 

Its a win win for everyone. You get your week off without contact and he gets to be excited beyond his wildest dreams. You might be surprised at how this week could turn into one of the best weeks of the month for you guys. 

Good Luck and let us know how it works out if you try it!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I've always been curious about women that rage or are easily annoyed during PMS. How do they treat friends, coworkers and acquaintances during this time? Do they rage or act annoyed against them too? Or can they rein it in? 

I'm asking as someone that had to walk on eggshells, (as did my father and brother), during my mom's PMS week.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> Thanks GettingIt. It's good to know that someone else understands.
> 
> Doctors have generally been very dismissive about PMS, or so I've found. The usual home remedies such as evening primrose oil and B vitamins haven't done anything. I don't want to take hormones and I also take an epilepsy med which interferes with things like the contraceptive pill. I'm teetotal, exercise, eat pretty well and make a point of getting enough sleep.


Yes, I've not had a lot of help from doctors, either. The strict diet helped the most, but I think this varies wildly between individuals. I can't take hormones, either. 

The non physical stuff helps a lot, too: meditation, focusing on one small task at a time, keeping to a pared-down schedule on those days, and keeping a HIGH level of awareness that my mood is coming from within, not from the people around me. 



WellyVamp said:


> My partner will try to get 'fruity' and then gets all upset when I don't reciprocate. It leads to sulking and a bad atmosphere, sometimes arguments.


Does he try to initiate even knowing that you are not going to respond? In other words, does he plow ahead when you've told him time and again not to during this week?

The sulking is poor behavior on his part. If he needs to have this addressed, then he should have a respectful talk with you about it so you can work together on solutions. 



WellyVamp said:


> I'm pre menstrual at the moment, my clothes are too tight, my boobs hurt, I feel fat, hot, bothered and faint and I've been swinging between balling my eyes out and feeling incredibly angry today. How am I supposed to feel sexual?
> 
> Perhaps counselling would help, but last week I felt pretty content with life.


Yeah, it's hard to make the appointment when you're feeling all happy and content, but you KNOW it's going to come up again. I mean, you started this thread, so why not go and talk to a therapist about it? You CAN learn ways to moderate your PMS-inspired mood and behaviors. It's a skill like any other--you need to learn it, develop it, practice it. You might never get "perfect" at it, but you can find ways to improve.



WellyVamp said:


> I have tried to be intimate during PMS time, but I hate it and feel really violated, it really freaks me out. Without wanting to sound melodramatic, emotionally it feels like being sexually assaulted, my fight or flight response goes into overdrive. That is melodramatic, I'm being hormonal and irrational!


I know EXACTLY how this feels--the feeling of "violation." I used to try to push through it and ignore and it and "fake" it, but you end up feeling like sh!t. I don't feel like that at all anymore since I decided to control my PMS instead of letting it control me. It's such a HUGE relief to not feel so helpless. One thing that has helped is to try and reduce the "intimate" portion of sex. I don't want the caresses and the touches and and slow foreplay. I don't want him playing with my nipples or my clit or being all that giving and loving at all. I don't want it because I cannot give it back. But I don't mind if he takes me aggressively. In a way, it removes the pressure from me to respond with intimate and "giving" sex and just revert to the raw. It's not his ideal or usual sexual style, but it works for times like this. 



WellyVamp said:


> Obviously I do give him a kiss and a cuddle and really try to be 'normal'.
> 
> Being like this for one week of every month totally sucks. It's as though my biology overrides my sanity. Maybe I should ask to get this moved to the women's section?
> 
> I'm going to talk to my partner about the points you've bought up. I'll just add that I really enjoy agressive sex, but just not before my period.


Yeah, talk to him. It helped to make my h more of a partner. And his willingness to help me through my PMS woes has made me more willing to help him through his "bad" periods when work or family stress over-rides his sanity.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I've always been curious about women that rage or are easily annoyed during PMS. How do they treat friends, coworkers and acquaintances during this time? Do they rage or act annoyed against them too? Or can they rein it in?
> 
> I'm asking as someone that had to walk on eggshells, (as did my father and brother), during my mom's PMS week.


I'm a SAHM, so I don't know about co-workers but I would say I'm generally on a shorter tether with just about everyone--but I think I can control it for most short encounters (phone calls, encounters during errands, etc.) My friends might notice if I'm with them for a couple of hours, but I'll just say "I'm PMS'ing b!tches! Leave me alone!" Or burst into tears. Either way, they "get it." And anyway, they don't have to live with me and deal with it. 

My husband of course knows about the PMS and how I feel, and I think he notices the most, but I think the kids notice, too. I've talked to them about it, and have apologized to them as well. 

If I feel like I can't control my mood appropriately around them, I will do all I can to remove myself from them physically--my husband is good about handling dinner on a really bad day, for example, so I can do chores in another part of the house or just lay down for a half hour. Usually it's only a problem if the schedule is really tight and I'm feeling pressure. I try keep things really simple if I can during those days to reduce the chances that I'll be short tempered. For example, instead of cooking a big dinner, I'll make something easy or order pizza. If the kids don't do their homework or practice piano, I don't ride them about it; I just let it go. 

I don't want everyone walking on eggshells around me, which is why I sort of try to just "go flat" emotionally on those days. I probably seem sort of humorless and robotic, but I'm not raging, either. It's hard, and it's a work in progress, but I do own the problem and I do realize the impact it has on my family, and I do feel bad about it.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Jamestone, I like that idea!

soccermom2three, Mostly it's a case of constantly telling myself that this is PMS changing the way I think and react. I have to be mindful to remember that the person has done nothing wrong and that it's those crazy hormones. However, I've been told by my partner that I do a bad job of hiding the seething rage which lies beneath the surface. 

GettingIt, I may see if I can get a referral for CBT. Something needs to be done about this. It's making my life a misery and it's also pretty unpleasant for my partner and son. Physically, I feel like utter sh1t.

I'm a placid person the rest of the month who wouldn't say boo to a goose. 

As for intimacy, he does try to initiate. As our son is 15 (I couldn't have more), we get alone time again at the weekend, which is when most sex happens. I think it's a hapless man thing. He equates weekends with sexy time (as do I usually). 

Mind you, he can plough ahead all he likes, but I'll just leave and get on with something else in another room! That's better than losing my cool. 

Perhaps getting rid of the intimate things like the caressing etc would help. It's easy to feel bothered by it when PMS strikes. Maybe functional quickies are the order of the day, as long as the boobies are left well alone. Ouch!

I have been very open with him today and said that I have shocking PMT, but men can never know what it is actually like? It isn't made up and women with severe symptoms aren't milking it.

Edit* I also limit my contact with people to a bare minimum. I work out of my home, so this is easily done.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> Perhaps getting rid of the intimate things like the caressing etc would help. It's easy to feel bothered by it when PMS strikes. Maybe functional quickies are the order of the day, as long as the boobies are left well alone. Ouch!


"Functional quickies." :rofl:

Yeah, just get down to it and DON'T TOUCH THE BOOBS!!!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

soccermom2three said:


> I've always been curious about women that rage or are easily annoyed during PMS. How do they treat friends, coworkers and acquaintances during this time? Do they rage or act annoyed against them too? Or can they rein it in?
> 
> I'm asking as someone that had to walk on eggshells, (as did my father and brother), during my mom's PMS week.


They generally treat them as they always do.
It's just those close to them they justify being nasty to.

In my experience anyway.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

tacoma said:


> They generally treat them as they always do.
> It's just those close to them they justify being nasty to.
> 
> In my experience anyway.


This is why I try to be alone as much as possible. I know I'm probably giving off angry vibes even when trying to be nice. I shut myself in my office. I have one 15 year old son, so he doesn't want mum all the time. 

GettingIt, right, I'm going to psyche myself up for those functional quickies. A bit of rough sex may have the added bonus of bringing my period on sooner. That would be a result. :smthumbup:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't mean to sound dismissive of how badly you feel. I get *****y, bloaty and nasty a few days prior to my period too. But how is this fair to the people you live with?

In my case, having 3 menstruating daughters in the home it became painfully obvious that our cyclical nastiness was no excuse to make the home intolerable to others who lived with us. My poor husband!

Oh he knew to stay out of our way but how was this fair to him. 

So here's what we all say to each other to remind ourselves our premenstrual *****iness doesn't give us the right or excuse to make everyone else miserable.

"I know you're frustrated right now. Take some deep breaths and find calm."


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> "I know you're frustrated right now. Take some deep breaths and find calm."


Meaning no disrespect Miss AP, but I'd probably punch you in the snoot and then say, "Ok, found it!" 

:rofl:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> Meaning no disrespect Miss AP, but I'd probably punch you in the snoot and then say, "Ok, found it!"
> 
> :rofl:


:lol:

You know what they say...better make that first punch count! :rofl:

Just you wait GettingIt! A house full of PMSing women!!!! Something has to give? Not even our poor dog was safe.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

My partner grew up with his mum and two sisters, no dad and now he has a PMSing missus. I feel sorry for him!


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> My partner grew up with his mum and two sisters, no dad and now he has a PMSing missus. I feel sorry for him!


I think some men "handle" it better than others. Men who tend to set their moods based on that of their wives suffer more, as do men who try to find a way for it to be about them and "fix" it, and those poor, poor "Nice Guys." All doomed. 

OP, there is a thread in General (link below) that explains how some men have a harder time with PMS/moodiness in their wives. Perhaps your husband fits this type? Mine does. I wish he was more of the "fvck this, I'm going out until your horns recede" type of guy, but he's not, so it takes more work on both of our parts to manage those PMS days. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ittle-help-letting-wifes-moods-affect-me.html


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

physical,mental, or any problem is no reason to treat the ones who love you poorly.

I don't care if you broke you leg,have the flu, or someone poked you with a stick in the eye. or have pms.

these are the people who love and support you treating them like this will eventually make them not want to be around you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> I think some men "handle" it better than others. Men who tend to set their moods based on that of their wives suffer more, as do men who try to find a way for it to be about them and "fix" it, and those poor, poor "Nice Guys." All doomed.
> 
> OP, there is a thread in General (link below) that explains how some men have a harder time with PMS/moodiness in their wives. Perhaps your husband fits this type? Mine does. I wish he was more of the "fvck this, I'm going out until your horns recede" type of guy, but he's not, so it takes more work on both of our parts to manage those PMS days.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ittle-help-letting-wifes-moods-affect-me.html


This is something I continually struggle with and you are so right to point it out.

Where exactly is the line between personal responsibility to be "livable" to your partner and being enabling? Seems like that line is always moving...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> physical,mental, or any problem is no reason to treat the ones who love you poorly.
> 
> I don't care if you broke you leg,have the flu, or someone poked you with a stick in the eye. or have pms.
> 
> these are the people who love and support you treating them like this will eventually make them not want to be around you.


This is very valid too! I know I don't really want to be around my oldest when she is PMSing! Can't believe her fiancé puts up with it actually.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> physical,mental, or any problem is no reason to treat the ones who love you poorly.
> 
> I don't care if you broke you leg,have the flu, or someone poked you with a stick in the eye. or have pms.
> 
> these are the people who love and support you treating them like this will eventually make them not want to be around you.


Well, I would say that it's a reason . . . but not an excuse. 

We all, at times, treat our loved ones poorly based on factors that they cannot control. It's on US to deal with those factors . . . PMS, stress, anxiety, insecurity, illness, etc, etc, etc. 

I do think that a asking for help from willing loved ones with all and any of those factors (especially chronic and recurring ones like PMS, anxiety, ongoing illness) is a good strategy. It establishes that you own your issues, are working on lessening the impact of those issues on others, and it can also help the loved ones feel less like victims by giving them an "action plan" for tough times.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> I think some men "handle" it better than others. Men who tend to set their moods based on that of their wives suffer more, as do men who try to find a way for it to be about them and "fix" it, and those poor, poor "Nice Guys." All doomed.
> 
> OP, there is a thread in General (link below) that explains how some men have a harder time with PMS/moodiness in their wives. Perhaps your husband fits this type? Mine does. I wish he was more of the "fvck this, I'm going out until your horns recede" type of guy, but he's not, so it takes more work on both of our parts to manage those PMS days.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ittle-help-letting-wifes-moods-affect-me.html


Interesting thread, thanks. 

I told him earlier that I had wicked PMS this month and that I am trying not to let it get the better of me, but if I seem off I love him and it's not his fault.

I'm sleeping downstairs tonight, as he is a very light sleeper. I get very hot and bothered at this time and fidget about all night.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> physical,mental, or any problem is no reason to treat the ones who love you poorly.
> 
> I don't care if you broke you leg,have the flu, or someone poked you with a stick in the eye. or have pms.
> 
> these are the people who love and support you treating them like this will eventually make them not want to be around you.


This is why I politely say that I need some personal space and time out during the week before my period and I would prefer to keep myself to myself. There's no reason to get offended by this, I'm not shouting and ranting. It's not as though I'm asking for the kind of personal space where one goes out to get roaring drunk either. 

It's not such an issue with my son. He's at that age where he wants to do his own thing (which he can within reason). He thinks I'm totally uncool, which I am. The fact I said the word "uncool" proves it.


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

It sucks you feel like you have to be in another bed. I can tell you that part would bother me as much as anything. But if it works for you guys I understand. I hope he is ok with it and you have asked how he feels about you sleeping in another room like that. I would be shocked if he is an emotional guy as you say and it does not bother him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> I have an issue with PMS and sex.
> 
> Basically, for the week before my period I'm very sore, bloated and angry for no reason other than the fact I have PMS. I've tried all the usual remedies.
> 
> ...



My wifee also experiences similar discomfort during her PMS. I cuddle with her lots and also give her much needed space. I basically leave her be unless she wants cuddling or wants to do something together.

What she does for me during that week, I get a BJ or oiled breast job until completion. She doesn't mind this because its quick, only 1x, maybe 2x for that week.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Jamestone said:


> It sucks you feel like you have to be in another bed. I can tell you that part would bother me as much as anything. But if it works for you guys I understand. I hope he is ok with it and you have asked how he feels about you sleeping in another room like that. I would be shocked if he is an emotional guy as you say and it does not bother him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unfortunately, the sleeping thing has been an issue since we moved in together. He is a very light sleeper and I snore, sleep talk, thrash around and generally make a nuisance of myself. 

Sometimes he'll move, but I feel guilty when it does and would rather be the one to move. It's not an ideal situation, but it bothers him more than me. TAM has opened my eyes to the love language thing. His is touch and mine is quality time. 

I'm going to go to see my GP after speaking to my dad, apparently I have all the symptoms of sleep apnea, even though I'm slim (when not a big bloated PMS woman) and a non smoker.


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

That so ironic you mentioned sleep apnea. That was going to be my response to you. I went 3 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did for myself and us. I was a bad snorer and slept terrible. Was always tired and would wake up over and over during the night. Been wearing my mask for 3 years now and love it. I hit the bed and am out till morning. She is happy because she does not hear me snore now and I sleep great. You need to do this so bad. I am willing to bet your pms symptoms improve too if you do have sleep apnea and get on a cpap. This could be huge for you guys so please talk to your dr.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> My wifee also experiences similar discomfort during her PMS. I cuddle with her lots and also give her much needed space. I basically leave her be unless she wants cuddling or wants to do something together.
> 
> What she does for me during that week, I get a BJ or oiled breast job until completion. She doesn't mind this because its quick, only 1x, maybe 2x for that week.


That sounds very practical, I'm glad it isn't having a serious effect on your relationship. It sounds like you can step away and realise that it's nothing personal or anything you've done wrong. 

BJs aren't too bad! I could manage one of those. 



> That so ironic you mentioned sleep apnea. That was going to be my response to you. I went 3 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did for myself and us. I was a bad snorer and slept terrible. Was always tired and would wake up over and over during the night. Been wearing my mask for 3 years now and love it. I hit the bed and am out till morning. She is happy because she does not hear me snore now and I sleep great. You need to do this so bad. I am willing to bet your pms symptoms improve too if you do have sleep apnea and get on a cpap. This could be huge for you guys so please talk to your dr.


Did your partner find you were restless all night? I am even when I haven't got PMS and often wake up exhausted. Sometimes I wake up gasping for air or choking. 

Hopefully the GP will take me seriously. I don't know if you're in the UK, but if you are you know what the NHS can be like. 

What symptoms did you have if you don't mind me asking?

I think a decent night's sleep would improve things for me in all sorts of ways and it would be good to get it sorted for my partner. It's no joke, we are on our third bed so far because I move around so much.


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

Oh my. The choking and gasping. Yes, yes, yes. You have sleep apnea. I would bet the farm on it. I was restless she would sleep all the way on her side as far awaya as possible and we have a King bed. I would wake up as if someone was choking me or I was breing suffocated. People do not understand how important good sleep is. Your body uses sleep to reset everything. Without it your health is in serious jepardy. Heart attacks, hbp, insomnia, diabeties, stroke, adhd, you name it. They all can be caused or affected by poor sleep. I am telling you vamp you have no clue how much better you will feel after one night of real sleep. Much less a week, month, etc. I am in he US and have great Dr so I am lucky. I know things are much more difficult in canada on socialized health care. But you have to do everything you can to get tested and dont take no for an answer. Tell them all the sleep issues and health issues you are having. They have to make sure you get tested. You will be a new woman. I have been pushing my brother for years. He got tested last year and he was much worse than I was and he says it has changed his life overnight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Thank you for answering, ladies.

Kind of funny, but my brother has never married. I'm wondering if it's because of my mom's PMS, lol. It was pretty bad. To be honest, I really believe it was an excuse because I saw her treat other people quite nicely if she had to.

Here's the thing, it appears that the whole PMS thing has skipped a generation because I never really had PMS symptoms but my daughter (almost 19) appears to have them. She really becomes a witch and treats her brothers horribly, snaps at everyone. I've told that if she can fake it with her friends then she can fake it with us. I've also told her that she needs to stay in her room because I refuse to have a home where we are all tip toeing around so she doesn't get pissed off at every little thing like someone chewing too loud.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> Thank you for answering, ladies.
> 
> Kind of funny, but my brother has never married. I'm wondering if it's because of my mom's PMS, lol. It was pretty bad. To be honest, I really believe it was an excuse because I saw her treat other people quite nicely if she had to.
> 
> Here's the thing, it appears that the whole PMS thing has skipped a generation because I never really had PMS symptoms but my daughter (almost 19) appears to have them. She really becomes a witch and treats her brothers horribly, snaps at everyone. I've told that if she can fake it with her friends then she can fake it with us. I've also told her that she needs to stay in her room because I refuse to have a home where we are all tip toeing around so she doesn't get pissed off at every little thing like someone chewing too loud.


Nothing speaks to the need for self control more urgently than a PMSing teenager!

You're eating breakfast like 
And then she walks in like 
So you give her some sympathy 
And then she unleashes like :BoomSmilie_anim:
Leaving you like :scratchhead:

(My nod to SA's colorful posts!)


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Okay that made me laugh this morning because it's so familiar.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

do you feel bad for him?
You seem to feel entitled to treat him badly.
Instead you should feel sorry that you do so, and can't control it.
And, you should not be resting until you find a treatment plan that works. Not for your man but for yourself... What kind of quality of life do you have going through 1/4 weeks angry at the world?

Or does this anger serve a purpose.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

He must have seen this?

Anyway, show it to him and tell him that you are a classic example.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Hicks said:


> do you feel bad for him?
> You seem to feel entitled to treat him badly.
> Instead you should feel sorry that you do so, and can't control it.
> And, you should not be resting until you find a treatment plan that works. Not for your man but for yourself... What kind of quality of life do you have going through 1/4 weeks angry at the world?
> ...


I agree that you need to figure out a better solution than essentially living separately for a week a month. 

Look at it from the other side. Would you want to live with him if he said the following about you:



> I have to basically avoid him during the week before my period (hard as we live together). If anyone touches me (including him), I feel completely enraged and feel like giving them a good slap. As soon as I get my period I feel like a human being again and I'm more than happy to get down and dirty.


I would be empathetic if my wife was going through this. But if she was not working on finding some type of better solution, it would adversely effect our marriage.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> In my case, having 3 menstruating daughters in the home it became painfully obvious that our cyclical nastiness was no excuse to make the home intolerable to others who lived with us. My poor husband!


--Sympathizing with your husband here

I remember one of my first electrical projects was to separate the bedrooms onto individual breakers because my three daughters and their mother would all run heating pads at once.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

GettingIt said:


> I think some men "handle" it better than others. Men who tend to set their moods based on that of their wives suffer more, as do men who try to find a way for it to be about them and "fix" it, and those poor, poor "Nice Guys." All doomed.
> 
> OP, there is a thread in General (link below) that explains how some men have a harder time with PMS/moodiness in their wives. Perhaps your husband fits this type? Mine does. I wish he was more of the "fvck this, I'm going out until your horns recede" type of guy, but he's not, so it takes more work on both of our parts to manage those PMS days.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ittle-help-letting-wifes-moods-affect-me.html


I will admit, not proudly, that I am this guy. I am very happy go lucky and rarely in a bad mood in my personal life since my professional life can be so chaotic. So if I'm in a great mood and my SO comes up pissy, I feed of that. Much like water will rise to level. That said I have only ever experienced one woman that was volatile when she was PMSing. But she was also pissy most the time so we were not a good match. I couldn't be with someone long term like that anyway. 

But coming down the road I have my two daughters so god help me. In this one, and only one trait, I hope their periods are as mild as they are for their mom or for at least a week a month it will be war.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am the opposite of the norm... I get more irritated if he doesn't want to be near me...and want sex... I'm so out of the box! I never noticed Pms till my 40's.

I have found I am definitely more emotional during this time though.. I can feel this rain cloud coming over me...







.... and it's like I need more comfort.. reassuring, his touch...If I allow something to get under my skin...it's like my brain gets stuck there and I keep repeating the negative.. I have caused more fights during this time...but when we get through them, I'm GOOD...feeling great. 

He's joked with me, how he needs to put me in a cage and put duct tape over my mouth.. when he says things like this, I think it's hilarious.. I love it... I don't get offended by men making comments about our unruly moments...it's kinda obvious isn't it....our sons have even done it..

For me this banter back and forth releases some of the moodiness.. laughter...that's my remedy.....I tried taking ST. JOHN'S WORT during this time...I was reading some of the possible side effects.. he told me he didn't want me to take it ...I wasn't that bad...that made me .


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