# Trying to get over this..



## Fuschia (Jan 27, 2015)

*We've been married for 18 years.. 4 kids from the ages of 16 to 8, 8 years into the marriage he had a one night stand with a woman he met online.. he continues online relationships for several years resulting in me shutting down and being cold towards him.. I know of at least two other women he met and tried to have sex with but wasn't able to pull it off...
He started painting women full time about 7 years ago, mostly nude women, more times than I can count I would find condoms in is wallet, car, studio. when confronted He would first say that it was a hair brained idea and he never slept with any of them.. and then it was my fault because I was cold towards him and he just wanted to be loved..I would try and be that best wife.. no nagging or *****ing, anything he asked for I would try my best to do so.. a year ago he was in an accident that caused him to be unable to drive for several months.. I would take him to work, dr visits twice a week and took in all of his responsibility around the house and bills.
The last weekend of december I found out that he had been having a affair, it stopped while I was being his nurse and then picked up again over the summer.. He said he ended it, but only after I found out.. he would be texting her how much he missed cuddling with her while I was sitting next to him on the couch trying to get him to talk to me.. 
When I first learned of the A. that's when the lies started, he said it was only once.. it turned out to be so many times he lost count, was there oral? no.. that was a lie, when I ask him how, when or why I get attacked and belittled.. he wanted me to fess up to all the bad things I have done in our marriage if he had to do the same.. he is convinced I have slept around on him, ( I have never ) he says he wants to fix our marriage and thinks because we don't go out on dates all the time this is why everything is upside down. He says that it is unfair that I am asking Q, and that he has gotten over it and doesn't want to relive any more. I don't know if I can believe that? my thoughts are he would have still been trying to screw her if I hadn't been that lowlife and looked in his phone.
I don't believe in divorce, but I'm having a hard time with the thought of having to live with distrust and anger for another 18 years.. 
So how do I get over this? what have been the ways that has been helpful for you to move on? 
Right now I'm at that stage of wanting to kick his teeth in.. *


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Fuschia said:


> *I don't believe in divorce, but I'm having a hard time with the thought of having to live with distrust and anger for another 18 years..
> 
> So how do I get over this? what have been the ways that has been helpful for you to move on? *


You need to accept reality. You are married to an unrepentant serial cheater. You've rug swept all his affairs, he's received no real consequences, and I can almost assure you he will cheat again. 

If there was a chance for him to turn him around, it would have been after you discovered his first A and had given him real consequences - to make him understand what it's like to lose his wife for cheating on her. A real fear of divorce. Now, there's no consequence short of an actual D, that will likely matter. He either doesn't believe that you will divorce him or he doesn't care.

You don't believe in divorce? If so, then nothing will change. 

You don't have to accept this any longer. You deserve better. Move on with your life and find someone who will respect you and be faithful. 

Sorry you're here.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

100% of surgeons do not believe in cutting people's limbs Off willy nilly.

But they DO believe in lopping off a diseased limb in order to save the rest of the body.

Time for an operation known as a cheaterectomy I am sorry to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

Fuschia said:


> *
> I don't believe in divorce, but I'm having a hard time with the thought of having to live with distrust and anger for another 18 years..
> So how do I get over this? what have been the ways that has been helpful for you to move on?
> Right now I'm at that stage of wanting to kick his teeth in.. *


If divorce is not a consideration about all that you can do is go 180 on him. Quit waiting on him hand and foot. Focus on your relationship with your children. That being said he's probably still going to cheat and you're still going to have to deal with distrust and anger issues. He's a cakeeater and a blameshifter. Remorse is no where to be found. Not sure kicking his teeth in would do much good. Probably only hurt your foot. Sorry you are here but you are married to someone that appears to not value you or your marriage.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

OP - It's now unanimous.

He's not interested in quitting his extramarital stuff - only in keeping you around while he continues it.

YOU deserve more. YOU deserve someone who will be faithful! YOU should have kicked his azz out LONG ago, IMO.

Believe me - I know how difficult it is. 18 years is a heck of a long time (mine was 18, too), but it's also 18 years of your life that you lost to someone who obviously cares more for himself than he does for either you or the relationship.

Bitter pill to swallow, but it's better to swallow than living in that.


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## Locke.Stratos (Sep 27, 2014)

Fuschia said:


> I don't believe in divorce


Divorce exists. It is pretty common and actually ideal for situations like yours. Your husband is an a**hole and you should have divorced him a very long time ago.

I'm not sure why you haven't, denial, self esteem issues, insanity. Whatever the reason, you'd have to be some kind of masochistic f***tard to remain married to him.

If you don't divorce him then that endless steady stream of misery and s*** you'll continue to endure is on you.

Your husband is a lying, selfish, self serving toxic fool. You deserve better in life and to be happy.


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