# Could U Forgive the Expensive Gifts?



## MsStressed (Feb 5, 2012)

I'm separated from my husband but we have still been seeing each other, going out for meals etc. He has also been relying on me financially as he runs out of money well before the end of the month - and now I know why. 

He had a secret relationship with another woman for several months - secret from me anyway and I didn't find out until just after Christmas. He'd been running out of money as he'd been taking her out for expensive meals. I thought we might be able to work things out - he said he wanted to and he said he'd stopped seeing her. But two things have really made me lose faith since then, and I don't know if I can forgive him.

First off, I discovered that he had bought several expensive Christmas gifts for the OW. He bought me a small £7 gift. Not that I'm bothered about the cost, but we have struggled financially over the last few years and never bought each other gifts at all. So it hurt me that he spent so much on her - one of the gifts he bought her was a fancy gift set containing my favourite perfume and some other stuff. It hurts even more cos he has leaned heavily on me financially - and I really don't make that much money at all.

Second thing. He spent the day before NYE here. We had sex in the early evening - then he got dressed straight away and said he needed to visit his son, but he would be back. He didn't return and I later found a receipt that confirmed he'd got out of bed with me to take her for another fancy meal.

The whole thing hurt but these two things have hurt me really badly and I don't know if I can forgive and forget. Could you forgive if you were in the same situation? He says he is no longer seeing her, but I'm not sure what to believe - and I don't think I can get over the way he behaved after I found out about her and he'd said he broke it off.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Pathetic excuse of a man


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

You are already separated...make a clean cut and get him out of your life, he's using you. He gets out of your bed and takes her to dinner...and you pay for it. No f**king way would I put up with that. Stop giving him money and let him take responsibility for his actions. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

GIVE HIM NO MORE MONEY!!!

he is spending his on her?
tough shet.
let him run out.

seeing you for sex so he can keep you paying for his girlfriend?
he is worse than a dog.


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## frustrated3 (Jan 30, 2012)

i would say cut your ties with him give him some space that way you can clear your head and take some time to heal and he will have lots of time to decide if he wants to be with only you and no one else or her. right now you need to focus on you and try to heal


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

To protect your self you need to separate the money. It is not your job to finance his life any more. 
He made this choice when he chose her over you. A classic cake eater.

You having sex with him is just enabling him to do that. When he is with the OW he will be saying something like:
" I would leave her, but she is unstable. We haven't had sex for years. I can't even imagine having sex with her any more. <Long sigh> If only she had loved me more. <another long sigh>"

Then he makes love to her after he has spent your money on getting her in the mood. 
Sound fair to you?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Cut him off, btw not literally ok


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> Cut him off, *btw not literally* ok


hmmmm...why not?? That would make him *totally* useless.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Mrs. T said:


> hmmmm...why not?? That would make him *totally* useless.


LOL, i was thinking something along those lines too


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wow. Time to stop wasting more of your life with such an awful selfish jerk. Stop giving money, and stop have contact with him. Your only enabling his selfish lifestyle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

Stop giving him money and sex! Maybe you can work things out, maybe not but for your own sanity stop the money and the sex before making any decisions about moving forward with this man. Don't allow yourself to be used anymore.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

In your situation where money is in short supply and he's treating OW to expensive dinners and such? No. It shows how little respect he has for you and the marriage. He's another cake eater.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Before you even begin to think of forgiving him, he needs to PROVE to you he's done with her. He hasn't done so and if he isn't willing to do so, then you need to end things with him.

My husband sent thousands of dollars to the internet *****s who scammed him, at the same time he refused to even LOAN me money to buy myself a new computer. That one bit him in the ass though, because that meant I had to use his computer, which is how I found out what he was up to. But anyway. When I kicked him out, I sent him an email demanding that he buy me a new computer, first thing. I told him that if he could waste that much money on other women, he could damn well spend a few thousand on me. And he did. The fact he did it without a single complaint and has never once even brought it up after the fact is one reason I am still with him.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

I can tell you if I were in your shoes, it would hurt me. So much so that I dont think I could forgive that.

Only you can decide your future. Only you can decide to leave this man who is cheating on you.


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## MsStressed (Feb 5, 2012)

Thanks everyone. I'm gonna break all contact with him, and fill out the divorce papers. He came into my home the other night when I was asleep and started going through my computer - he even read personal stuff like my gratitude journal.

He has had two secret relationships, each lasting several months (the first started before he moved out), yet he treats me as if I have done something wrong. It's like he's looking for some kind of proof to make him feel better for everything he's done. 

I don't need the stress and I'll never be able to forgive his behaviour.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

What goofs me up is my wife spent a thousand bucks on me for christmas while she was cheating. I just don't get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

MsStressed said:


> It's like he's looking for some kind of proof to make him feel better for everything he's done.


see, you have this figured out.

good luck to you.


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