# Feeling stuck



## Blue24 (Apr 26, 2010)

I'll try to explain my situation as best as I can. Ive been married about 3 years and been in a exclusive relationship with my husband over 9 years. Some of the problems in our marriage include dishonesty, controlling behavior, and emotional abuse. My present situation is leaving me feeling helpless and stuck in a rut. Everytime my husband and I get into a fight he tells me to "go home" and/or "we're through" ( I live with him wheres hes stationed in the military), so home is another state. 

He's taken my bank cards and cash, the car we have is in his name and hes gone most of the day and night in it. I have no job at present from lack of transportation and I'm stuck in a state where I have no family or friends. He threatens to move into the Barracks and leave me alone in the apt. with all the bills. I know this is a scare tactic because it always ends up going back to "normal" and I get my things back. 

Yes, we have good times and he has helped me with many things in my life and can be very thoughtful and supportive. If it was all negative I never would have married him, of course. But, Ive stated in the past to him that this is a deal breaker for me. He obviously hasnt respected that...

Basically, Id like any advice or possible options out there. What do married women do when theyve made been a homemaker and dont have a dollar to their personal name? If I tried to seperate from him I would have nothing and no way to get back to family. Thanks for reading in advance.


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

Have you reached out to your family for help? Maybe they'd be willing to help you leave and take you in til you got on your feet? From what you've said he sounds like a controlling, abusive husband and I would do whatever I could to get out. Pawn whatever you can, borrow money from family, whatever you have to do. I hope you can find the strength and the help to get out. You may also find assistance through the military base you are on.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Set some firm boundaries with him and if he doesn't agree, then tell him you are going to the family services department at your military base. Let him know you are not leaving, that you need the car to look for work and you need equal access to all assets. Don't settle for less than what you deserve.

There are a lot of resources for you as you are living on base, search them out and use them. He will NOT like the idea that you would go to family services, or even his commanding officer in regard to this issue, so chances are he'll make some adjustments. If not, then do everything you can to help yourself and use the resources that are available to you.


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