# I just don't know if I can't get past it...



## FML2011 (Sep 21, 2011)

I am considering divorcing my H. Back in August I found out about not only his 2 yr. affair, but drug use and financial ruin. He pulled a trifecta. Th emotional turmoil the affair caused to me was enough, the rest was just icing on the cake. Over the next 2 months, we went to MC and I thought, trying to work on our marriage. The entire time he was still in contact with the OW. I eventually kicked him out on October 11th when he lied about an overnight business trip and I found him at the condo the OW lived at - the one he leased in his & her names. A month later we were evicted from our house. The eviction was already in progress for months as we had serious issues with the landlord not fixing things and we had put a lot of our own money into fixing things on our own. So, we had found a house for me and the kids to move in to, he was living with the OW and I was feeling stronger, emotionally. On moving day, he texted to say he'd be there in an hour with the moving truck. He showed up and told me he had the lost the new place because he bounced the check to the landlord. My kids and I ended up moving in with friends and have been in this situation for almost 2 months now.

He isn't working, has no money, both of our cars have been repo'd. I am now driving the car he leased for her, because she was keeping up on payment on hers - so we took it from her. In addition to having to drive her car, I have spoken with her on the phone and exchanged close to 200 emails with her. They are no longer together (I'm sure of that), he says he is off drugs (I am only about 50% sure of that) but he still has financially ruined us. He has destroyed my credit so I can't even find a place on my own - plus I have no income. I can't work because childcare for our 2 children (under 5 yrs old) would cost a my whole paycheck. He has a degree, can get a job, but feels he is above working for someone else. He has always been an entrepreneur but his latest business venture failed and he lost about $300k. Now he is trying to start up a new venture but in the meantime - he has no $$.

He is remorseful for what he has done and I can see him trying - but it's just not enough for me. I feel like I have emotionally detached myself from him in order to protect myself. He destroyed me emotionally and I have such a wall up. I dropped to under 100 lbs, had to go on anti-depressants and hold onto a lot of anger for him. But on the other hand, I hate to see my family be torn apart. 

Has anyone felt like they were past the point of no return and been able to come back? To trust again? To love again?


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Wow. I have been through alot of these same things but maybe not as harsh (I am not driving OW's car) You need to choose what is best for you. 
I believe that anyone can recover from just about anything done to them and their world. 
I think that in the case of his drug use that if he is not in rehab then he will not do well in his recovery. My H also struggles with addiction and it has beaten our marriage to a pulp.
I really have only one peice of advise that I feel qualified to give. Get help lots of help. Join groups and read and lean on family and friends. 
Perhapse you can trade house cleaning for child tending so you can get a part time job because trying to rely on an addict to pay the bills is scary. you need to feel secure in your finances. You need to be stable on your feet.you need to take care of you first and your children. First things first.


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