# Ran into ex for first time



## turtle1214

I was at a bar with a friend tonight and I saw my ex wife. We use to play volleyball at this bar and I didn't realize the season started tonight. I noticed her across the bar, but didn't acknowledge her or the people she was with. I was talking with my buddy the entire night...until we were leaving. We walked by the table my ex, her dad, and some of our mutual friends were sitting at. I wasn't going to say anything, but her dad saw me and said "come on over". I talked with them for a little and felt fine until I got to my car with my friend. I broke down like I hadn't done in months. I thought I was over her, but seeing her in person really messed me up.

I'm not seeking any advice with this post. Just wanted to put it out there that you might not be as over it as you think. I hadn't though about her in months, but seeing her had me balling my eyes out the entire drive home. Guess I'm not going to that bar on Thursday nights anymore.


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## Thor

Sorry man.

I see my ex-W every few months due to our adult kids and grand kids. Sometimes she acts like her old self (the good one), and while I'll never forget what happened, it is easy to get too relaxed around her. But, inevitably, before long she'll say or do something that reminds me who the real her is.

My advice is to do what you want to do, and ignore her as best you can. If there is some good reason to go to that bar, then go. Don't restrict your own life because of her!


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## sokillme

Loss and endings are hard. Don't sweat it. Balling is normal and healthy when you are mourning. Just have faith that you will get another chance with someone else and you an be just as happy. 

Hang in there, and have courage to have hope.


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## arbitrator

*Totally natural feelings, my friend ~ do not begin to think that you are bad or weak in any way, but rather human!

If you don't mind me asking, what was the primary cause of your breakup/divorce?*


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## Andy1001

turtle1214 said:


> I was at a bar with a friend tonight and I saw my ex wife. We use to play volleyball at this bar and I didn't realize the season started tonight. I noticed her across the bar, but didn't acknowledge her or the people she was with. I was talking with my buddy the entire night...until we were leaving. We walked by the table my ex, her dad, and some of our mutual friends were sitting at. I wasn't going to say anything, but her dad saw me and said "come on over". I talked with them for a little and felt fine until I got to my car with my friend. I broke down like I hadn't done in months. I thought I was over her, but seeing her in person really messed me up.
> 
> I'm not seeking any advice with this post. Just wanted to put it out there that you might not be as over it as you think. I hadn't though about her in months, but seeing her had me balling my eyes out the entire drive home. Guess I'm not going to that bar on Thursday nights anymore.


You may not be seeking any advice but here is some anyway.
Grow your balls back!
You have been posting thread after thread about how your ex wife treated you,including one when you told everyone not to insult your ex.
Your ex is gone,she doesn’t give a flying **** about you or your feelings and would probably laugh if she knew you were sobbing like a little girl after seeing her.Did her trip to the Mayo Clinic change her mind,of course not.
How long is the pity party going to last?
If I were you and thank god I’m not,I would have a date with me next Thursday night at volleyball practice and every Thursday night after that.


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## manfromlamancha

Was she with her new boyfriend or something ?


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## turtle1214

I went to that bar because it’s my favorite bar. I played volleyball with her there the last three summers and didn’t realize it started last night. I’ll keep going to that bar, just not on Thursday nights. There are plenty of other bars.

The primary cause for the divorce? She said she wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce. I think it’s a case of she wanted to have a wedding, but didn’t want to be married. As far as I know there wasn’t another guy in the picture. I came across her profile on a couple of dating apps a couple months ago. Not that that means much of anything, but it makes it seem like there wasn’t someone else.

Andy, the type of advice you gave is meaningless. My balls are perfectly intact. I had a weak moment after drinking a few $1 beers. My ex does care about me. I know it wasn’t her intention to hurt me and she wouldn’t laugh at me “crying like a little girl”. It’s not a pity party. This is a forum for people to share their experiences related to divorce. The kind of advice you’re giving comes from a place of insecurity. “I’m going to show her that I’m doing better by bringing a date with me to a place where I know she’ll see me with a date”. I don’t need her to see that I’m doing fine. I already know that. What would bringing a date along actually accomplish? If I’m going to go on a date with someone, it’s going to be because I like that person, not because I want my ex to see me with another person.


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## SunCMars

turtle1214 said:


> I went to that bar because it’s my favorite bar. I played volleyball with her there the last three summers and didn’t realize it started last night. I’ll keep going to that bar, just not on Thursday nights. There are plenty of other bars.
> 
> The primary cause for the divorce? She said she wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce. I think it’s a case of she wanted to have a wedding, but didn’t want to be married. As far as I know there wasn’t another guy in the picture. I came across her profile on a couple of dating apps a couple months ago. Not that that means much of anything, but it makes it seem like there wasn’t someone else.
> 
> Andy, the type of advice you gave is meaningless. My balls are perfectly intact. I had a weak moment after drinking a few $1 beers. My ex does care about me. I know it wasn’t her intention to hurt me and she wouldn’t laugh at me “crying like a little girl”. It’s not a pity party. This is a forum for people to share their experiences related to divorce. The kind of advice you’re giving comes from a place of insecurity. “I’m going to show her that I’m doing better by bringing a date with me to a place where I know she’ll see me with a date”. I don’t need her to see that I’m doing fine. I already know that. What would bringing a date along actually accomplish? If I’m going to go on a date with someone, it’s going to be because I like that person, not because I want my ex to see me with another person.


You are a sensitve man in a cruel world.

You are posting a sensitve feeling atop a cold clam on TAM.

I too tear up easilly.... for sadness, for joy, for compassion, for rage.

Wet feelings, God's gift, man's accountability.


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## arbitrator

turtle1214 said:


> I went to that bar because it’s my favorite bar. I played volleyball with her there the last three summers and didn’t realize it started last night. I’ll keep going to that bar, just not on Thursday nights. There are plenty of other bars.
> 
> The primary cause for the divorce? She said she wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce. I think it’s a case of she wanted to have a wedding, but didn’t want to be married. As far as I know there wasn’t another guy in the picture. *I came across her profile on a couple of dating apps a couple months ago. Not that that means much of anything, but it makes it seem like there wasn’t someone else.*
> 
> Andy, the type of advice you gave is meaningless. My balls are perfectly intact. I had a weak moment after drinking a few $1 beers. My ex does care about me. I know it wasn’t her intention to hurt me and she wouldn’t laugh at me “crying like a little girl”. It’s not a pity party. This is a forum for people to share their experiences related to divorce. The kind of advice you’re giving comes from a place of insecurity. “I’m going to show her that I’m doing better by bringing a date with me to a place where I know she’ll see me with a date”. I don’t need her to see that I’m doing fine. I already know that. What would bringing a date along actually accomplish? If I’m going to go on a date with someone, it’s going to be because I like that person, not because I want my ex to see me with another person.


*Oh really? Then query yourself this! 

Why would an otherwise faithful and married wife arbitrarily and covertly post up a dating profile on some online dating site if she didn't mean to cheat?*


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## Max.HeadRoom

I am not aware of your full backstory but I agree that you are still morning and you may be for the rest of your life. My wife left me but though her dying; at the same time one of my buddies came home from work to find his wife had moved out that day and left a note. 

Your path though lost is definitely harder; I can leave my late wife on her pedestal and smile when I look at our past, even after 15 years there is still some pain. 

This past Christmas after a work party one of my colleagues suggested this bar; it was somewhere my late wife and I went to often. I stopped going there the day she died. Being threre was very weird and it strongly trigged many feelings that I did not want to be experiencing with my coworkers; I made an excuse and left.


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## turtle1214

arbitrator said:


> Why would an otherwise faithful and married wife arbitrarily and covertly post up a dating profile on some online dating site if she didn't mean to cheat?


I didn't see her profile until a month or so after the divorce was final. I know it's difficult to understand because it was difficult for me to understand, but there are people who just leave.


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## SentHereForAReason

turtle1214 said:


> I didn't see her profile until a month or so after the divorce was final. I know it's difficult to understand because it was difficult for me to understand, but there are people who just leave.


There are but from what I have come to understand through an immense amount of studying and reading, it's human nature that most leave with someone. It's because it takes basically the strongest willed people in the world to leave on their own because of the uncertainties, the unknown, the fears. That's why so many people stay in bad relationships for so long or relationships that may be ok or even good but other person takes it for granted but still stays because they don't have a 'guarantee'. 

Once someone finds someone else, after leaving themselves vulnerable to it or having let down their boundaries, they then have the confidence to do anything, to leave with purpose and with a completely different mindset. My STBXW has been somewhat depressed her whole life and she wasn't happy, she took me for granted, she felt like the victim in a lot of ways but it wasn't of my doing. But when her AP from 2009 came back into her life, that was the push she needed to think she had found happiness again and it over-rode any logic she had about doing what was best for the family, for the kids, etc. I guess that may be the best way to describe it, as a PUSH. People leave marriages all the time but it seems more often than not now, if there is not some sort of abuse involved, having that guarantee on the other side is what we see.


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## Ynot

OP regardless, of how you think you are, the fact that you went out and balled your eyes out all the way home after seeing your ex should tell you that you still have a lot of healing to do. Stop being so defensive and stop making excuses. Take some time and heal.

Next month my step son is having a birthday party for his son. I know my ex will be there. It bothers me. I would be perfectly happy to never set eyes on her again. The fact that it bothers me is of more concern to me than the fact that she will be there is.


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## Ursula

I'm sorry that you're hurting, and many virtual hugs are coming your way. Take some needed time for you, to heal.


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## Andy1001

turtle1214 said:


> I went to that bar because it’s my favorite bar. I played volleyball with her there the last three summers and didn’t realize it started last night. I’ll keep going to that bar, just not on Thursday nights. There are plenty of other bars.
> 
> The primary cause for the divorce? She said she wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce. I think it’s a case of she wanted to have a wedding, but didn’t want to be married. As far as I know there wasn’t another guy in the picture. I came across her profile on a couple of dating apps a couple months ago. Not that that means much of anything, but it makes it seem like there wasn’t someone else.
> 
> Andy, the type of advice you gave is meaningless. My balls are perfectly intact. I had a weak moment after drinking a few $1 beers. My ex does care about me. I know it wasn’t her intention to hurt me and she wouldn’t laugh at me “crying like a little girl”. It’s not a pity party. This is a forum for people to share their experiences related to divorce. The kind of advice you’re giving comes from a place of insecurity. “I’m going to show her that I’m doing better by bringing a date with me to a place where I know she’ll see me with a date”. I don’t need her to see that I’m doing fine. I already know that. What would bringing a date along actually accomplish? If I’m going to go on a date with someone, it’s going to be because I like that person, not because I want my ex to see me with another person.


You know I’m glad I wrote what I did because I honestly believe this is the first post you ever wrote that showed a little backbone.
Maybe I was harsh but I think you need to stop waiting on your wife to come to her senses.She isn’t coming back anytime soon.
Your comment about her appearance on some dating apps not meaning much is a very bad sign though.You have your ex on a pedestal that is so high it is out of sight.Ninety five percent of people go on dating apps for one reason only and that is to have sex.The other five percent want to find someone to have a relationship with.
Neither option is giving you much hope of reconciliation and I take no pleasure in telling you this.
As regards to bringing a date to the bar.Your ex sees you as weak,it was obvious you wanted to avoid her and you have admitted this.If she sees you getting on with your life,having fun she may regain some sort of respect for you.
One more thing.Where can you get beer for a dollar?


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## Evinrude58

Turtle,

Read CLemson's last post. 

You seem to have assessed the situation for what it was--- just a bad day that resulted in some sadness which is totally understandable.

I think you are on the right track to happiness. I hope you are enjoying the single life.

I didn't find dating all that fulfilling. I didn't like going out with women that I knew that life circumstances wouldn't let us have a future together such as distance, cultural differences, different life goals, etc. 

HOWEVER, I did eventually find a woman that I am very happy with. A fun, responsible, loyal (I hope), interesting person that I believe I can build a happy life with. She is a person who has a lot more insight and character than my ex wife. My ex wife had very little character, but was not a hard person to get along with until she started diet pills and other "medicine", etc. etc. 

I really believe that once you find a woman and fall in love with her, the feelings and sadness associated with your wife will nearly disappear.

I am forced to see my ex wife regularly (we work at the same place). I have 3 kids with her. 
But, I am no longer bothered by seeing her to a large extent. I have no emotional connection to her whatsoever. I hope it gets that way for you in the future. 

BTW, I


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## ReformedHubby

Andy1001 said:


> You know I’m glad I wrote what I did because I honestly believe this is the first post you ever wrote that showed a little backbone.
> Maybe I was harsh but I think you need to stop waiting on your wife to come to her senses.She isn’t coming back anytime soon.
> Your comment about her appearance on some dating apps not meaning much is a very bad sign though.You have your ex on a pedestal that is so high it is out of sight.Ninety five percent of people go on dating apps for one reason only and that is to have sex.The other five percent want to find someone to have a relationship with.
> Neither option is giving you much hope of reconciliation and I take no pleasure in telling you this.
> As regards to bringing a date to the bar.Your ex sees you as weak,it was obvious you wanted to avoid her and you have admitted this.If she sees you getting on with your life,having fun she may regain some sort of respect for you.
> One more thing.Where can you get beer for a dollar?


I actually agree with what the OP said regarding your advice. Us men for the most part are absolutely awful at supporting each other when going through divorce. Women are so much better at this. They tend to rally around each other. Not us guys. For the most part only three types of advice we get from male friends. Saying "get over it" doesn't work, we all grieve differently. Getting a guy drunk doesn't do anything either, he just wakes up still sad, but with a hangover. My personal favorite is go out and get laid. Even if a guy can somehow bang a different chick every day of the week, on day seven he would still be heartbroken. Getting laid does not repair a broken heart. The only thing that cures this type of thing is time, and its different for everyone. As men we need to do more listening, and a bit less of telling our friends to, "rub some dirt on it". These comments are not at all meant to take you to task, the way you approached the OP is the standard male way. I am only pointing out that we should do better than that, all a person grieving really wants is someone that will listen when they are ready to talk.


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## SA2017

turtle1214 said:


> I went to that bar because it’s my favorite bar. I played volleyball with her there the last three summers and didn’t realize it started last night. I’ll keep going to that bar, just not on Thursday nights. There are plenty of other bars.
> 
> The primary cause for the divorce? She said she wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce. I think it’s a case of she wanted to have a wedding, but didn’t want to be married. As far as I know there wasn’t another guy in the picture. I came across her profile on a couple of dating apps a couple months ago. Not that that means much of anything, but it makes it seem like there wasn’t someone else.
> 
> Andy, the type of advice you gave is meaningless. My balls are perfectly intact. I had a weak moment after drinking a few $1 beers. My ex does care about me. I know it wasn’t her intention to hurt me and she wouldn’t laugh at me “crying like a little girl”. It’s not a pity party. This is a forum for people to share their experiences related to divorce. The kind of advice you’re giving comes from a place of insecurity. “I’m going to show her that I’m doing better by bringing a date with me to a place where I know she’ll see me with a date”. I don’t need her to see that I’m doing fine. I already know that. What would bringing a date along actually accomplish? If I’m going to go on a date with someone, it’s going to be because I like that person, not because I want my ex to see me with another person.



How did she react when she saw you? Did she feel comfortable when her dad called you over?

Your feelings are perfectly normal. Don't ever feel guilty of that. you don't know how she felt. her reasons (I am not happy) were actually no reason. but ok. some think a marriage is like a candyshop that keeps you nonstop on the happy sugar rush cloud.


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## GusPolinski

If you want to go to the bar on a Thursday then go on a Thursday. One change for her sake will lead to two, and then four, and then eight, and so on. Before long you won’t be able to go anywhere or enjoy anything.

So go.

The next time someone tries to wave you over, though, just say, “Nah, I’m good.”


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## Marc878

turtle1214 said:


> I was at a bar with a friend tonight and I saw my ex wife. We use to play volleyball at this bar and I didn't realize the season started tonight. I noticed her across the bar, but didn't acknowledge her or the people she was with. I was talking with my buddy the entire night...until we were leaving. We walked by the table my ex, her dad, and some of our mutual friends were sitting at. I wasn't going to say anything, *but her dad saw me and said "come on over".* I talked with them for a little and felt fine until I got to my car with my friend. I broke down like I hadn't done in months. I thought I was over her, but seeing her in person really messed me up.
> 
> You have feelings just like anyone else would. So what. You'll be fine long term.
> 
> I'm not seeking any advice with this post. Just wanted to put it out there that you might not be as over it as you think. I hadn't though about her in months, but seeing her had me balling my eyes out the entire drive home. Guess I'm not going to that bar on Thursday nights anymore.


Just throw up your hand and keep on walking. Nothing wrong with that. You don't owe them anything.


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## Wazza

Andy1001 said:


> Ninety five percent of people go on dating apps for one reason only and that is to have sex.The other five percent want to find someone to have a relationship with.


Source? Or did you make this up?

All the people I know on dating apps are women, but all of them are looking for relationships.

As you said, it offers no hope of reconciliation to make this distinction, but it might offer insight into her head.


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## Ynot

Wazza said:


> Source? Or did you make this up?
> 
> All the people I know on dating apps are women, but all of them are looking for relationships.
> 
> As you said, it offers no hope of reconciliation to make this distinction, but it might offer insight into her head.


LMAO! They want relationships? What do you think happens in a relationship? At least the person you were responding to was being honest. I guess there are 5% who might be looking for someone to hold their hand while they watch the sunset, but the rest of us understand that sex is integral to the type of relationship one might be looking for on OLD. It would be so much better if people were honest instead of hiding behind words.


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## Wazza

Ynot said:


> LMAO! They want relationships? What do you think happens in a relationship?


If your only reason for relationships is to get laid, fair enough comment.


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## Ynot

Wazza said:


> If your only reason for relationships is to get laid, fair enough comment.


 It isn't. But it is an integral part of any relationship. You are lying to yourself if you claim otherwise. Bottom line is you do not date someone you are not attracted to.
Crap perusing the forums you can see that probably close to 80% of the posts on TAM are all sexually related in some way - good, bad or otherwise. You are beyond delusional if you do not think sex is first and foremost in nearly every relationship


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## Wazza

Ynot said:


> It isn't. But it is an integral part of any relationship. You are lying to yourself if you claim otherwise. Bottom line is you do not date someone you are not attracted to.
> Crap perusing the forums you can see that probably close to 80% of the posts on TAM are all sexually related in some way - good, bad or otherwise. You are beyond delusional if you do not think sex is first and foremost in nearly every relationship


Ynot, feel free to keep arguing with stuff I never said in a rude and aggressive tone, ignoring the context I quoted, but sadly I have better things to do than converse like this. 

OP, maybe your ex wants a new relationship, or maybe she wants no strings attached sex. I'm not sure whether Andy's numbers are right, but I'm not sure it helps you if they were not.


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## turtle1214

I feel like I need to clear some things up here. I'm not making excuses and I don't think calling out bad advice is being defensive. I don't have her on a pedestal. I hadn't thought about her in a long time and happened to see her for the first time in a social setting. It brought back some painful feelings and I wanted to share my experience. I know I've talked about it in the past, but I don't think there was anything in this post or my replies that suggested I wanted a reconciliation. I shared my story. What you got out of it was/is completely up to you.

I don't need her to see that I'm having a good time and moving on to feel any validation. I don't give a damn what she thinks about my life. If she sees me as weak, that's fine. I know I'm not. That was actually a big fundamental difference between us. She always needed external validation while my validation was mostly internal. I don't need her respect, but I'm not sure where you're getting that she doesn't respect me. I have respect for myself and that's what matters.

Andy and YNot, you both seem to have had waaaaaayyyyy different online dating experiences than I've had. I only made the comment about her profile because someone asked if she was seeing someone else before we were divorced. It doesn't make any difference, but I don't think she was.

Let me make this real clear. I don't want a reconciliation. I'm living my life the best I can right now and I have goals to accomplish within the next two years. I'm doing just fine. If you want to act all macho and pretend that you've never experienced the things I have, that's your problem. Saying "make sure your ex sees you with someone else" is not my style and it's just flat out bad advice. It shows that you need your ex to validate your life.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Wazza said:


> Source? Or did you make this up?
> 
> All the people I know on dating apps are women, but all of them are looking for relationships.
> 
> As you said, it offers no hope of reconciliation to make this distinction, but it might offer insight into her head.


I would think most women go on dating sites for relationships, not necessarily sex. I'd hazard to guess most men go on dating sites for sex, not necessarily relationships. 

I don't think there was anything sinister of his ex going on dating site after they broke up. From what I've seen, women usually move on pretty quick once they check out. Men usually move on pretty quick too because they want sex.


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## MovingForward

ReformedHubby said:


> I actually agree with what the OP said regarding your advice. Us men for the most part are absolutely awful at supporting each other when going through divorce. Women are so much better at this. They tend to rally around each other. Not us guys. For the most part only three types of advice we get from male friends. Saying "get over it" doesn't work, we all grieve differently. Getting a guy drunk doesn't do anything either, he just wakes up still sad, but with a hangover. My personal favorite is go out and get laid. Even if a guy can somehow bang a different chick every day of the week, on day seven he would still be heartbroken. Getting laid does not repair a broken heart. The only thing that cures this type of thing is time, and its different for everyone. As men we need to do more listening, and a bit less of telling our friends to, "rub some dirt on it". These comments are not at all meant to take you to task, the way you approached the OP is the standard male way. I am only pointing out that we should do better than that, all a person grieving really wants is someone that will listen when they are ready to talk.


:iagree:


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## UpsideDownWorld11

ReformedHubby said:


> I actually agree with what the OP said regarding your advice. Us men for the most part are absolutely awful at supporting each other when going through divorce. Women are so much better at this. They tend to rally around each other. Not us guys. For the most part only three types of advice we get from male friends. Saying "get over it" doesn't work, we all grieve differently. Getting a guy drunk doesn't do anything either, he just wakes up still sad, but with a hangover. My personal favorite is go out and get laid. Even if a guy can somehow bang a different chick every day of the week, on day seven he would still be heartbroken. Getting laid does not repair a broken heart. The only thing that cures this type of thing is time, and its different for everyone. As men we need to do more listening, and a bit less of telling our friends to, "rub some dirt on it". These comments are not at all meant to take you to task, the way you approached the OP is the standard male way. I am only pointing out that we should do better than that, all a person grieving really wants is someone that will listen when they are ready to talk.


I wouldn't say that is necessarily true. The best advice I received when going through divorce came from men. Women usually give a more compassionate response, while men give more concrete, analytical advice, even if it involves throwing large blunt objects at the OP.

Get up, rub some dirt on it, lift weights, strap on some ass-kicking boots and conquer.

OP sounds alright though, I don't question his manhood being intact. But less you see the EX or hear from her, less you care. At this point for me, its more of a nuisance than anything... all I hear is blah blah blah. When she starts talking about the kid I listen, everything else is white noise.

So in that vein, if all you have to give up is one night at your favorite watering hole, that's a small price to pay for peace of mind.


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## Ynot

turtle1214 said:


> I feel like I need to clear some things up here. I'm not making excuses and I don't think calling out bad advice is being defensive. I don't have her on a pedestal. I hadn't thought about her in a long time and happened to see her for the first time in a social setting. It brought back some painful feelings and I wanted to share my experience. I know I've talked about it in the past, but I don't think there was anything in this post or my replies that suggested I wanted a reconciliation. I shared my story. What you got out of it was/is completely up to you.
> 
> I don't need her to see that I'm having a good time and moving on to feel any validation. I don't give a damn what she thinks about my life. If she sees me as weak, that's fine. I know I'm not. That was actually a big fundamental difference between us. She always needed external validation while my validation was mostly internal. I don't need her respect, but I'm not sure where you're getting that she doesn't respect me. I have respect for myself and that's what matters.
> 
> Andy and YNot, you both seem to have had waaaaaayyyyy different online dating experiences than I've had. I only made the comment about her profile because someone asked if she was seeing someone else before we were divorced. It doesn't make any difference, but I don't think she was.
> 
> Let me make this real clear. I don't want a reconciliation. I'm living my life the best I can right now and I have goals to accomplish within the next two years. I'm doing just fine. If you want to act all macho and pretend that you've never experienced the things I have, that's your problem. Saying "make sure your ex sees you with someone else" is not my style and it's just flat out bad advice. It shows that you need your ex to validate your life.


Dude, I have been thru exactly what you went thru. My advice to you is for YOU to not act all macho, here, when IRL you balled your eyes out. All I am saying is that you still have a ways to go, as do I.
I am not saying you are weak. I am just saying you still need time.
I was married for 24 years. I have two adult kids with my ex. I get to see her at my grandson's birthday party next month. I am not looking forward to it. I have been divorced for almost 4 years now. So I have some idea what I am talking about.
As far as OLD, or dating of any sort for that matter, is that the whole reason you go out with anyone is because you are attracted to them, IOW you want to have sex with them. This is not rocket science. But all this talk about wanting a relationship is just that - talk. Ultimately you want a relationship so you can have sex with that person. Otherwise the vast majority of threads on TAM would not involve sex or lack thereof (more typically). The lack of sex, different sex drives or extramarital sex are some of the most common reasons why marriages and other relationships fail.


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