# Whoa! Back in the I F*in hate you stage!



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

And for no real good reason. Got a phone call today in the middle of class asking for the kids' SSNs. That was just irritating. And then he picks them up for the weekend and I just got angry that this is what it has come down to. Arrrrrrrrggghhhh!!!!!! Sometimes I just want to scream bloody murder at the top of my lungs for all the world to hear til my voice gets hoarse. 

Quitter! Coward! Family wrecker! M***** F***ing SOB!!!!!!!! (though I love his mother and she really isn't a B).

Ahhhhh. Feel much better!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good reason to set you off. Were you having a bad day before the call?


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I'm with you on the anger part this evening. Not as far as you, but angry over this whole deal. It's her weekend with the children and I am by myself. She's the quitter.

I have activities, but it's the whole by myself thing. No interaction with a human.

I'll see them tomorrow for a bit and get them Sunday evening.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Wildflower3 said:


> And for no real good reason. Got a phone call today in the middle of class asking for the kids' SSNs. That was just irritating. And then he picks them up for the weekend and I just got angry that this is what it has come down to. Arrrrrrrrggghhhh!!!!!! Sometimes I just want to scream bloody murder at the top of my lungs for all the world to hear til my voice gets hoarse.
> 
> Quitter! Coward! Family wrecker! M***** F***ing SOB!!!!!!!! (though I love his mother and she really isn't a B).
> 
> ...


I am right there with you!
BTW I lost my voice today


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

Yep, know that feeling! I want to tell all his friends (all 2 of them) and the guys he works with & anyone whose opinion he cares about just what an A hole he is!! 
Although I expect they have worked that out for themselves already!!!

My STBXH is keeping this whole sorry mess a secret from everyone, pretending that we are still together, telling them we are selling the house because WE want to move closer to his mum?!?!?

His family know.. Cause I told them.

Arrrggghhh!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

HA! Welcome to my world. I don't hate the woman I married, I just can't stand the manipulative b*tch she turned into. 

Once I whiped away the tears and quit blaming myself for all her gaslighting "it's your fault.... I never cheated, I'm such a good girl" BS. I was finally able to reach into her purse and retrieve my testicles. I finally saw her for what a clingy, passive-aggresive, cheating, quitter she really was. And from what I can tell her family is really upset with her.

What keeps my anger in check is laughing at her novice attempts to manipulate me from time to time. She doesn't know I was psychologically trained by the best of the best.... and by that I mean two psycho controlling grandmthers, a manic depressive mother with man hating issues, twelve years of bullying, 6 psycho and/or cheating gfs, THE NAVY and it's forms of soul crushing mind rape, and thorough knowledge of many pua and psych concepts from NLP to interrogation and lie detection, body language etc. Instead of becoming a threat to her or others with this as the catalyst I decided to rework it and teach it, and use her mind games against her.

**WILDFLOWER3**

Wildflower, if you can calm down and think about this another way you'll see what his actions really meant. First of all he used a "hook line" that he knew would get a response from you. By asking about something innocent enough and legal he reasoned you would respond. Bonus points to him if he can get a rise out of you that shows you still care enough to explode. Secondly, he came to your house and saw you in person to guage your reaction face to face. What is it they say about criminals returning to the scene of the crime?

Yeah, it's pretty clear from his actions he's looking to force his foot in the door and keep some form of mental control over you. You'll see this a lot during the 180 btw. It's best to do as you already know and treat him like a freeloader you kicked out for his own good. Even if he left after being a very bad boy, you will still have to deal with him coming and seeking out your attention and affection from time to time. Once you stop the chase and things in his dream life don't work out he'll be scared sh!tless and try desperate measures to keep what he has. When the D has enough time to set in and he sees he's lost you forever, expect the unexpected.

And if there is an OW he'll fight harder for her than he will you if you show him any signs of interest, but given enough time away from you to deal with his own problems he will only blame her or himself for his crushing "real life sucks doesn't it"depression. Either way.... stay a good person, keep your anger in check, blah blah blah...Like it or not you'll see him again when you least expect it so be ready. Good luck!


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

I am right there now too...I feel totally dumped, disrespected and unappreciated. She's walking out on me and I have contributed so much to our marriage of 17 years. First I had severe depression but now 5 weeks later I am full of rage and bitterness! I just need to learn how to channel it into something positive...I tend to go out on an intensive cycle ride to get it out of my system. Maybe I need a punching bag as well.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

AlterEgoist said:


> Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good reason to set you off. Were you having a bad day before the call?


It was a pretty good day. I hit the weight room hard on my off period and felt great after, albeit exhausted. I think I was easily set off because I was anticipating being without my kids this weekend. I have a lot of plans, but I still miss them so much when they're gone. It just makes my stomach turn that they have to get carted around every other weekend and only spend a couple of hours with him a few nights a week. It didn't help that I got interrupted and pulled out of a class for that. Mind you, this is my most challenging class to manage. They are all squirrelly, loud, and obnoxious and when there is an interruption of any kind, it takes forever to settle them back down. So, that just frustrated me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Jayb said:


> I'm with you on the anger part this evening. Not as far as you, but angry over this whole deal. It's her weekend with the children and I am by myself. She's the quitter.
> 
> I have activities, but it's the whole by myself thing. No interaction with a human.
> 
> I'll see them tomorrow for a bit and get them Sunday evening.


Anger is good. It's a step in moving on. Eventually it will all subside, right? I know I'm on the right track, I just get set off every now and then, but it doesn't last as long as it used to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Nsweet said:


> **WILDFLOWER3**
> 
> Wildflower, if you can calm down and think about this another way you'll see what his actions really meant. First of all he used a "hook line" that he knew would get a response from you. By asking about something innocent enough and legal he reasoned you would respond. Bonus points to him if he can get a rise out of you that shows you still care enough to explode. Secondly, he came to your house and saw you in person to guage your reaction face to face. What is it they say about criminals returning to the scene of the crime?
> 
> ...


When he called, he was at the tax place doing our taxes and needed the info on the spot. I simply gave him the info and hung up the phone. He doesn't contact me. Ever. Unless it's texting me to tell me he's on his way over or to let me know he's stuck in traffic, etc. Also if it has to do with mediation or other business. He's done. He's been done. Although he sometimes talks to me about his work. Guess he has no one else to talk to about it? 

We haven't talked about our "marriage" since before valentine's day. For the last time that night, he told me he doesn't love me, doesn't miss me, blah blah blah. That was that. From then on, I've been working on detachment. What a long road it is...

I sometimes wish he would just be erased from my mind and I'd never ever have to see him again. But with the three kids we share, that'll never happen. As far as I'm concerned, he was just a sperm donor. And for him, since he said he never loved me, I guess I was just a vehicle for which to have his babies.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Wildflower3 said:


> When he called, he was at the tax place doing our taxes and needed the info on the spot. I simply gave him the info and hung up the phone. He doesn't contact me. Ever. Unless it's texting me to tell me he's on his way over or to let me know he's stuck in traffic, etc. Also if it has to do with mediation or other business. He's done. He's been done. Although he sometimes talks to me about his work. Guess he has no one else to talk to about it?
> 
> We haven't talked about our "marriage" since before valentine's day. For the last time that night, he told me he doesn't love me, doesn't miss me, blah blah blah. That was that. From then on, I've been working on detachment. What a long road it is...
> 
> I* sometimes wish he would just be erased from my mind and I'd never ever have to see him again. But with the three kids we share, that'll never happen.* As far as I'm concerned, he was just a sperm donor. And for him, since he said he never loved me, I guess I was just a vehicle for which to have his babies.


When I was going through the whole detachment phase, I used to think the same thing---just erase him from my mind completely. Leave all the things that he brought to my life--my son, my dog, my life and friends here---but, take him away. I used to watch that movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" over and over and cry and cry. 

...it is going to get better. I know everyone says that--but, it will. Hang in there.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

What am I going to do with you WF? You know what he's saying was just meaningless words to help him feel better about leaving you. Trouble is, he does care about you or else he wouldn't be making excuses to contact with you. The only way you're ever going to see things eye to eye is to reassure him you're not interested in him either. Tell him exactly what he want to hear in a care free way, and how he'll always be your little brother. "You're right, I don't love you either...... what was I thinking?! Let's hurry up this D so I can get back to my things. Granted this may seem harsh, but you're really just settling your diferences and restaring the attracton process all over again with unequal investement on his part. God isn't love beauiful!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

[email protected] said:


> Yep, know that feeling! I want to tell all his friends (all 2 of them) and the guys he works with & anyone whose opinion he cares about just what an A hole he is!!
> Although I expect they have worked that out for themselves already!!!
> 
> My STBXH is keeping this whole sorry mess a secret from everyone, pretending that we are still together, telling them we are selling the house because WE want to move closer to his mum?!?!?
> ...


OMG....

We've been divorced since January 2011 and so far the only one of his family who knows is his brother....

On FB all of his family (they LOVE me) keep writing and I want to tell them all sooooooooo badly what a coward their brother, uncle, son, etc. etc. really is 

It's unbelievable....


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

As much as I sympathize with you WF, I wish there was more between me and my wife. Ther's seemingly nothing. Barely interaction, and when there is, it is pleasant enough.

So, what's left is me and my fantasy. Me being upset, sad, angry, over images and interactions and the past, all in my head.

Because, there hasn't been an exchange between us about us for quite sometime. Yet, I am still holding onto it.

It's insanity.

I'm losing it. And, I'm losing it, not to her, but to myself.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Jayb said:


> As much as I sympathize with you WF, I wish there was more between me and my wife. Ther's seemingly nothing. Barely interaction, and when there is, it is pleasant enough.
> 
> So, what's left is me and my fantasy. Me being upset, sad, angry, over images and interactions and the past, all in my head.
> 
> ...


There are barely any interactions between us. Barely. To the point that when grabbed the phone when I was pulled out of class and he started talking, I had NO IDEA who he was. I was like, "uh, who are you and why do you want my kids' SSNs??" Then, he said "WF, I'm doing our taxes and I need them." Even then, I still had no idea who it was. It took a second to click. I didn't even recognize his voice. That's how little we interact. When there is interaction, it's fine, pleasant, but he does still do things that irritate the crap out of me. I get how you are losing to yourself. That's how I saw myself. I was fighting a losing battle with myself. I had to get myself out of that mindset. 

I was definitely where you are at one point. And it seemingly lasted FOR-EV-ER! I wanted that fantasy. I longed for what we had and mourned (and am still mourning) that life I lost with him, with our family. I was holding on to that hope, even though we hadn't spoken about "us". But a lightbulb went off in my head and I think I reached acceptance that it was never going to happen. I was able to just let go. It was so quick, and literally, my shoulders came back up, and I took a deep breath, and instantly felt this release. 

So now, I don't hold on to that hope, but I do I still have backslides, missing him around, missing being together as a family, then getting angry that he threw it all away. Tossed me aside. In fact, I was in tears this morning before I forced myself out of the house for my golf lesson. My backslides are much fewer and further between and when they happen, it's short and sweet. I use TAM and friends to get that vent, a quick release, then I'm up&at'em again. 

Where I was, it was vicious, that stupid vicious cycle that I couldn't get myself out of. I'd go around in circles in my mind. I hope you get that release. When you do get that release, there will still be triggers, but you recover quicker. My triggers now are my oldest asking questions about us being together. Asking always when I mention something we have planned "...and daddy too?" And I always have to say "no, daddy's not coming..."


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Wait, I think you're missing something. He's doing taxes for both of you. Not individual? Usually when a spouse really wants to divorce one of the biggest indicators is them filing taxes as single and giving some BS excuse about it. I know my W did exactly that, even though she would get more claiming married. It's about them being selfish, or practicing the 180 for a WS.

From everything you've told us and what he's said...things like "I don't love YOU" (emphasis on LOVE or YOU), calling to selfishly tell you about his day and not answer your calls or care what you have to say, and every reassurance of how he doesn't love or miss you. Honey, he's having an affair clear as day.....but you already knew that. 

More importantly, he still blames you for his never ending source of misery which was why he left in the first place, but he's still miserable, and he's going to be miserable because he's one of those people who places his self worth in the relationship and material possessions. These people are wonderful when the relationship is going good, but when things don't go a planned or a few bad months go by and they feel they need to avoid the marriage to escape the problem with THEMSELVES. 

As with typical of the WS he's got a lot of guilt about leaving the way he did, so he's going to do anything he can to avoid feeling bad..... that's why he was talking to you more back then and a little more open, nice but just going through the motions, or as he claims... waiting to see if he really loved you, taking his time to cool off, using his space to get back to himself. ALL BULLSH!T!

I can read through you and tell you really want him back, but you're prepared to move on and live your life. From the way everything is going I say you have to give him the divorce and the freedom from you he's been dreaming about and let him see he won't be happier being single and paying child support and/or spousal support. 

Right now he's going to keep pushing you away and looking forwards to a future with someone else and a more exciting life promised.... that's a given! Let him find out life sucks when he misses his kids and no girlfriend is going to let him cry on their shoulder about his divorce. Commitment is harder to come by when you're seeking out relationships with "exciting" people just trying to feel better about yourself. 

Even though I did everything to stop my divorce and get my W back, like you did with your H. Sometimes the only thing you can do at the end is give them what they want and let them go completely without a fight. Marriage for the BS is tough but it's one of those things where "you create your own hell" and then miss your ex terribly when the're gone and Sally Struts-a-lot dumps you when they can finally have you without the chase. Don't believe anything he has told you about being better off without you.... he's going to hurt for longer than he thought he would after divorce. I think he knows this and that's why he's trying to keep you around.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Nsweet said:


> Wait, I think you're missing something. He's doing taxes for both of you. Not individual? Usually when a spouse really wants to divorce one of the biggest indicators is them filing taxes as single and giving some BS excuse about it. I know my W did exactly that, even though she would get more claiming married. It's about them being selfish, or practicing the 180 for a WS.
> 
> From everything you've told us and what he's said...things like "I don't love YOU" (emphasis on LOVE or YOU), calling to selfishly tell you about his day and not answer your calls or care what you have to say, and every reassurance of how he doesn't love or miss you. Honey, he's having an affair clear as day.....but you already knew that.
> 
> ...


We are filing jointly at this time because we'd get more back based on our mortgage and the kids. There is no contact. I don't contact him, he doesn't contact me, but when he is over, he has talked about work after he puts the kids down right before he leaves. Conversations are kept business. We don't do family dinners and he doesn't come over unless it's a "visitation day". This was my choice. I knew that I wouldn't be able to heal emotionally and detach if we continued to fake nice and have that rare amicable divorce. Or course, I'd like to have our family back, but there is nothing I can do about that obviously, so, I've given him what he wants. Mediation leading up to our divorce in November. I see no reason to keep even a casual relationship, it's strictly business. There's nothing to push away because I'm not pursuing. That was definitely hard to stop at first. Now, I'm trying to maintain my new life and make my new "normal". It's going pretty well, except of course for those random triggers. Those random IRRITATING triggers that you wish wouldn't ever get to you.

What you're saying makes total sense to me. Especially about him making himself feel better for leaving. To alleviate that guilt. I think he's doing everything "right" and letting me take the "lead" out of guilt. I'm staying in our home with the kids, we're filing jointly, he's letting me dictate schedules and schools, etc. You're right, he was totally fine when things were "going good", but when it started to get crappy, he was all of a sudden like, wow, I was never happy, I don't like this... 

Happiness and love come from within. You make your life the way you want it. It doesn't just fall in your lap. So, I'm making my own happiness without him.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I still have a sneaking suspicion he's having an affair he hasn't come clean about yet. That's why he claims he "stopped loving you" way back when and why no matter how nice or good a person you are.... you just can't quite meet his expectations, so he does anything he can to milk you for affection and treat you like sh!t before he checks out. He's bullying his little sister before he moves out of mom and dad's house, because covering his true feelings of loss is much easier than dealing with the real issue.

Been there done that! New Years before last W really phoned it in to later claim she stopped loving "ME" when I so conveniently had to go back home. Really she had just said "I love you" to her D-bag boyfriend and kissed him three weeks before our anniversary and my birthday. I got shafted big time! A good 80-90% of the time those words are just code for, "I've fallen in LUST with someone else, someone more exciting, more skinny, more what-the F-ever you aren't..... and I don't have the balls to admit it". 

Nevermind, what's done is done. Now you have one of two options, A) You go on treating him like he doesn't exist unless it's about court, but making life easier for him to dissconnect and doing all the work so he doesn't have to; or B) You take a stand for yourself and let him speak to you through an attorney or friend so he can't try to manipulate you into talking to him when he's bored or lonely. The tax thing was pure BS. He could of found their SSNs any number of different ways but he called you to see if you would pick up. It's known as baiting a long fuse and he will continue to keep "pinging" you with useless small talk or situational pulling maneuvers until he gets you to show him the slightest investment he craves.

Going back to the affair thing. Have you had even the slightest suspicion there is someone else or remember him telling you about a "friend" repeatedly in the past? Nobody leave a marriage without something else lined up and judging by his attitude I'd say he's got someone else lined up. Poor deluded [email protected], if she's a 20-something and he's nearly 40.... it won't last long. It won't last long anyways so let him enjoy screwing up two relationships back to back. If she's closer to his age history will just repeat it's self with the lack of sex, nagging, and petty fights you used to have. 

You never know WF, I got my parents back together after an affair and over twenty years of NC..... but it's never easy as the first time. You just take your time to forgive and forget when you're ready. I know I still have a lot of hurt left but I really pitty that little girl dumping the one man who cared enough to go through all of this to get her back, and lusting after a pointless divorce to be with a complete loser.... HER FREKKIN LOSS! Divorce is never the right answer and when it is, it hurts the WS more in the end to realize what they gave up. He'll be back! Just prepare yourself for that day and find yourself a better man. Go with a black doctor. That will really pi$$ him off if he's white and not a doctor.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> I still have a sneaking suspicion he's having an affair he hasn't come clean about yet. That's why he claims he "stopped loving you" way back when and why no matter how nice or good a person you are.... you just can't quite meet his expectations, so he does anything he can to milk you for affection and treat you like sh!t before he checks out. He's bullying his little sister before he moves out of mom and dad's house, because covering his true feelings of loss is much easier than dealing with the real issue.
> 
> Been there done that! New Years before last W really phoned it in to later claim she stopped loving "ME" when I so conveniently had to go back home. Really she had just said "I love you" to her D-bag boyfriend and kissed him three weeks before our anniversary and my birthday. I got shafted big time! A good 80-90% of the time those words are just code for, "I've fallen in LUST with someone else, someone more exciting, more skinny, more what-the F-ever you aren't..... and I don't have the balls to admit it".
> 
> ...


Most people. My wife doesn't have anyone. Rather, she had a brief EA as a way of convincing herself she was done detaching. It was almost like a final exam of sorts.

Once that blew up, she convinced herself she was strong enough for separation/impending divorce. She enjoys her independent lifestyle without me to come home to.

It's like my wife is in a fog that we hear so much about. And, it's her fog. I have to accept that she is the one who chooses to live in it.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Jayb, I strongly encourage you to read Women's Infadelity. I found it on thepiratebay. Great book but it will really pi$$ you off the way the cheater plays "poor helpless me" all throughout. God, I just wanted to smack her for toying with her H the way she did and whining to the MC about how she loved her H and the OM. 

The author talks a lot about the "fog" and the way it ends up damaging the cheater in the end..... If I remember right it was because they skirt around feeling responsible for the affair and the D when it arrives. Eventually though, just like the person who refuses to grieve after the death of a loved one, it catches up to them and overwhelms them with those feelings. 

Most likely when their fog lifts and life sucks without you, and they have to live with the consequences they've made..... like a horrible relationship with a dangerous man who cheats on them and doesn't care when the honeymoon wears off. Not seeing their kids and hving their family look at them with disgust for cheating and leaving a healthy relationship because things got a little tough and they found quitting to be easier instead of actually trying for once in their life. 

My wife is also in a fog and from the looks of it head over heals in love with the OM. I don't even care at this point.... She was a horrible wife and she's his problem now. Let that D-bag experience the clingy, selfconscious, bad in bed, and compete b!tch I had to put up with for three years. 

I'm still not emotionally stable but I'm much better than I was now that I realized she was a heartless cheater, gold digger, and not worth all the grief I put up with to win her back. I'm just glad I put so much time into researching relationships instead of hitting the bottle or doing something stupid to feel confident for a moment or two.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> Jayb, I strongly encourage you to read Women's Infadelity. I found it on thepiratebay. Great book but it will really pi$$ you off the way the cheater plays "poor helpless me" all throughout. God, I just wanted to smack her for toying with her H the way she did and whining to the MC about how she loved her H and the OM.
> 
> The author talks a lot about the "fog" and the way it ends up damaging the cheater in the end..... If I remember right it was because they skirt around feeling responsible for the affair and the D when it arrives. Eventually though, just like the person who refuses to grieve after the death of a loved one, it catches up to them and overwhelms them with those feelings.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I will have a look-see. And probably be shocked and appalled. And then upset. And then, mad!!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Jayb, 
Dude I hate to break it to you but chances are she's still having an affair with that same OM and has been before she decided to leave. I'm going to say she seperated and filed to get rid of you as a last resort after months of greener pastures promised by that wonderful new person, and the only thing keeping her from being happy was YOU. I'm sorry I didn't see this before in your other threads.

All this talk of needing her "space" or "ILYBINILWY" is just bullsh! so they can push you away and somehow gaslight you into believing the divorce or seperation is your fault, you're a bad person and so on. Yeah LOL, you don't even what to know all the reasons my W gave...... everything from "you hurt me", to "You raped me" (I licked pu$$y a little after giving her a nude massage and STOPPED when she said NO), to "I don't love YOU" (emphasis on YOU), to "you always force me to have sex" WTF I always spent time warming her up and never forced her. There was "LJBF" and "you're more like a bf", and all the other BS reasons I later laughed at. That woman changed her mind about this every time I asked. I could have delt with the truth, but those lies just annoyed me.... and her parents.

All of that doesn't even matter at this point if you want her back, it's water under a bridge. What you need to do, besides a little research into why these things happen...... a splash of contempt, a pound of Darwain, mixed in with "I can get away with this", and seasoned with "I'm worth it". I want you to go against all 180 and DB logic and find a reason to hate her. She cheated and walked out on you, and you let her get away with it. I mean we all did, but something tells me she still calls to toy with you. 

Right, what's the first thing you do when you want to get the girl in the first place? You let her know you are intersted but tell her some reason you're not.... so you seperate yourself from the pack and make her work to interest you more. She knows you want her back as your wife but with a little respect as she has for you left, you're going to be the last person in the world she looks for, especially since she's just looking for reasons to divorce you. I'm still looking into how the OM thinks but I can assure you he toys with her a bit more and compres you two to favor himself anytime she has any doubts..... this is a given!

I'm still working on a faster paced 12 step program for the BS but so far I can tell you the faster you take your stbx off their perfect pedestal and build up a healthy amount of contempt for all they've done, and you'll be able to deal with them much better. If nothing else change her name on your phone to "QUITTER!!!!!" and refuse to think about the sad good memories you had only replacing them with all the hurtful memories for a few weeks until you see that person in your mind as who they really are.... an imperfect and childish quitter who you need to be wary of, like an old bully that wants to be friends after all this time. You take that friend out to coffee and split the bill, you talk briefly when you want to on your time, you do not have sex with that person and let them sleep over or come to family events!

There's a lot I could teach you but it all comes down to learning not to need your spouse to be happy, doing the right thing even though you're hurting, letting go when they're not good enough or ready to return the amount of love you give, and staying strong when you're vulnerable. There are always possobilities for reconciliation but after the threat of a D or S you need to be strong enough to give the baby it's bottle and be the strongest spouse to turn them down when they want to rugsweep and toy with you. And hey, what are the chances after you do a few rounds of P90X, get your sh!t together, take great care of the kids on V days, and date some smokin hotty, that she'll look at you the way she did when you met? Very good chances!.....just may take her a few bad relationships and an even worse marriage to get her to see what she missed.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> Jayb,
> Dude I hate to break it to you but chances are she's still having an affair with that same OM and has been before she decided to leave. I'm going to say she seperated and filed to get rid of you as a last resort after months of greener pastures promised by that wonderful new person, and the only thing keeping her from being happy was YOU. I'm sorry I didn't see this before in your other threads.
> 
> All this talk of needing her "space" or "ILYBINILWY" is just bullsh! so they can push you away and somehow gaslight you into believing the divorce or seperation is your fault, you're a bad person and so on. Yeah LOL, you don't even what to know all the reasons my W gave...... everything from "you hurt me", to "You raped me" (I licked pu$$y a little after giving her a nude massage and STOPPED when she said NO), to "I don't love YOU" (emphasis on YOU), to "you always force me to have sex" WTF I always spent time warming her up and never forced her. There was "LJBF" and "you're more like a bf", and all the other BS reasons I later laughed at. That woman changed her mind about this every time I asked. I could have delt with the truth, but those lies just annoyed me.... and her parents.
> ...



Thanks for the long response. I get your drift. There are several holes in it, like OM - trust me, I did all the legwork in investigating. Now, over the past month or 2, she may indeed have a boyfriend or whatever. 

I filed for D, out of emotions. We did all the forms and everything and then I put a hold on it (mutual decision) for 3 months to try R thru MC. That didn't last. We'll be drafting an agreement when it picks up again any day now. 

Our communication has dissipated. It's all children-related, or dumb small talk. No talking about us. I get the overwhelming vibe from her that she feels nothing. It's just hard for me to let go of what I thought we had years ago. Although, now, I'm questioning what actually occurred back then.

I've lost over 30 pounds and still going. I have had others ask about my status. Which boosts my esteem.

But, I have to figure myself out. What I want, need. Where I'm going.

My children are my priority. We have them 50-50.

I'm on the road. It's bumpy and I'm going slowly.


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