# Meeting with DD tomorrow - Need advice - Please!!!



## DoormatNoMore53 (Dec 4, 2011)

Hello all,

I have a meeting set up with my daughter tomorrow in an attempt to reconnect with her and my three grand kids. DD has taken STBXWW's side through this whole mess, even knowing the full details of her 3+ year A AND even knowing that she abandoned me and DS by leaving after 11 months of false R. DD is very angry at me because she feels I'm being vindictive towards STBXWW. She does tell me that she loves me and always will but that she doesn't want to take sides. (Note: back story below.)

I know I can't control how DD feels and thinks and my only concern is to try and patch things up with her as a father who loves her and my grand kids unconditionally, no matter how off base she is in her thinking.

I need some advice on how to approach this meeting. I am scheduled to go to DD house for Xmas and I'd like to find some common ground to ease things for the grand kids. My idea is to to meet with DD and just let her talk, e.g., to just let her vent and get out what is bothering her. The only taking I will do is to reaffirm that I love her and the kids no matter what is happening between STBXWW and me.


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Back Story:
I am currently going though the D process due to my STBXWW having a 3+ year A and after 11 months of false R. We are both 59 and were married for over 38 years. S papers were filed on 10/29/12 after STBXWW moved out of the house on 9/27/12 and took our only vehicle. I told her all through R that if she left, it would be a deal breaker for me. I was hoping to get STBXWW to agree to a dissolution since there are no real assets to fight over. Unfortunately it was a no go and she has retained an L now trying to fight for support payments. My only income is from SSDI & a small private disability payment. (I've been on permanent disability since 1999 and classified by S.S. as unable to work in any gainful employment). Both of our children are over 21 and emancipated, although my DS (22) is still living with me. He is currently going to school online and not paying any room and board.

Since STBXWW has moved out the battle lines have been drawn. DS has sided with me (unsolicited) and DD has taken STBXWW's side. DD and I have had numerous blow ups since STBXWW moved out, mostly about me being vindictive and telling some friends and family about why STBXWW and I are splitting up.

Another important point in all this is that during the last 4 months DD was separated from SIL due to infidelity on his part. They just recently got back together and are trying to R. While I don't know for this for certain, I believe that DD is relating her own marital situation with ours and drawing parallels from it, e.g., if I can find a way to reconcile with my husband, why can't you find a way to fix things with mom?


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Keep things light and very father - daughter oriented. She's the focus - don't stray away. If she has hobbies and certain interest; talk about those things. If she tries to talk about your marriage - find a way to revert the focus back to her. In the end tell her that you love her and that you will always be there for her. If she opens the lines of communication; always be consistent and follow thru. No Hail Mary's tomorrow. Go for the short yardage play and build on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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