# He left me for another woman



## scared and desparate (May 3, 2014)

My husband and I have been married for ten years and have two girls 10 and 7. My husband is in the National Guard and did a tour in Afghanistan in 2010/2011 and has done alot of training which has required him to be gone alot. I have accussed him of infidelety many times because of dating profiles women texting him and many other reasons but of course he always denied and said I was crazy and needed to just trust him. I ended up having an emotional affair for about 3 years but it never was physical even though he assumed and still thinks it was. I never hid the affair. We have had many conversations about fixing our marriage but neither of us would make the first move to try and fix things so we would just fall back into the rut we have been in. Two months ago he came and told me he was miserable and wanted to leave and he hated coming home. I have told him that many times and it angered me so I told him that I didn't love him anymore and that he was only good for a paycheck since he didn't contrubute anything else and we will always be living seperate lives ( he works nights) I didn't mean any of it but I said them anyways to make him hurt as much as I did. He said he loved me and wanted to work on things but again we both just went back in the rut.At the begining of April I had to have knee surgery and he took a weeks worth of vacation so he could help me out. 3 days after my knee surgery he comes and tells me that one of the guys he deployed with was wanting to commit suicide and he needed to go and help him. I didn't want him to go but I understood why. Come to find out he was 3 hours away with this other woman in a motel 6. I accussed him through text messages that he was cheating but he didn't reply. When he did finally come home he said he was leaving me. I asked if there was someone else and he said no. I grabbed his phone and saw her messages and he said well there now let me leave I said no broke his phone and he snapped and choked me threw me into the wall and door and ended up breaking my arm. He left I called the police but didn't press charges because I believe he is sick with ptsd which he was taking meds for. He is now living with this other woman and carrying on with his life while his children and I are here at home with no money or car. I have been a stay at home mom for 9 years. He accuses me daily of trash talking her on Facebook which I don't and even deleted Facebook so I wouldn't have to deal with that drama any more. He has repeatedly called me the most horrible and disrespectful names and told me I will never amount to anything and she is his perfect mate and I am worthless. He has never spoken to me like this before or acted this way. He is shutting our cell phones off and hasn't seen his children since Easter. This is not my husband and I think this is his PTSD but he says he only needed the meds because I was the problem. He needs help but he refuses to believe he needs any. I went to his command but they said since he is not on active duty orders they can't do anything. As of this morning he accussed me of making a craigslist add of his girlfriend. I did no such thing but he won't believe any of it. I want him to come home because I do still love him and believe he just needs help. I just don't know what to do but I know that the things he is doing is not who he is. Any advise on how to get him home would be greatly appriciated.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You told him he was only good for a paycheck? Ya that's in my top 10. I'd be out for good at that point. Prior to you telling him how you really feel, how was the sexlife? You routinely withholding?


----------



## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

The actions by both of you do not sound loving. Anybody can say 'I love you' but it is the actions more than the words tha people remember and count.

Have you been to social services to try and get assistance? If not you may want to as they may be able to provide food stamps and the like for you and your girls. 

At this moment you can only take care of your actions. Your husband will do whatever he is going to do. You cannot make him get the help you THINK he needs. That is his choice.

He sounds dangerous, remember he broke your arm. Ask yourself the following question 'what is it about me that wants to be with an abuser so that he can hurt me in font of my girls?' 

You need to focus on getting help for you and your girls not your sick, and if he has untreated PTSD he is sick, husband. By the way I have PTSD from the military so I do have some idea of what he is probably going through.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Personally, I think you should have pressed charges. It would have forced him (as much as it's possible) to deal with his demons. As it is, he's got an "easy" out.

File for divorce, pursue financial support, and let reality knock some sense into him. Don't force him to see the kids, but allow for supervised visitation if he wants to. Start taking control of the situation, and stop enabling his bad behaviour ruin your life. 

C


----------



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Don't provoke him or beg him to come back. Letting him go is the only sane way to cope with this. He will have to see for himself if this is the path he wants to take in life. 

Look after yourself and the kids. Can you get legal aide and get child support from him started? Your local women's shelter will have a list of lawyers who can help. Your children also need emotional support, the shelter can give you resources to help them as well. 

Tell him you will only communicate about the kids. 

He has proven to be violent and unwell, just lay low and don't be drawn into arguments or meetings with him.


----------

