# Spinning out of control



## bollywoodboy (Aug 20, 2012)

I have written before in the men's clubhouse about my Wife's attractions to other men. We have been dealing with this for about 3 months. I feel that we resolved the issue with one of her particular clients but now I saw an email to a friend about a guy at the gym. I feel this situation is escalating so want to post here. For the past few months they have been smiling at each other and spoke about 2 weeks ago. He showed up at her aerobics class in street clothes and gave her his card and told her to call him and blew her a sexy kiss. She asked her friend if she should send him an e-mail to tell him she is not available or don't do anything at all. She said she is nervous he will write back and say why was I smiling at him if I'm not available. She said the truth is she is attracted him but said in her email that she checks him out but not interested in getting involved and that it is amazing how fast you can get yourself into trouble. She said he is basically an affair waiting to happen if I want it. She said I'm smart enough to not screw up my life and I love XXXXX too much to do that, but she called him a fantasy man. I am not sure what to do at this point. She knows I have access to her facebook and emails so I don't really feel like I snooped. She technically has not really done anything but this is really bothering me. I really need some advice here on how to handle this specific situation.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

bollywoodboy said:


> I have written before in the men's clubhouse about my Wife's attractions to other men. We have been dealing with this for about 3 months. I feel that we resolved the issue with one of her particular clients but now I saw an email to a friend about a guy at the gym. I feel this situation is escalating so want to post here. For the past few months they have been smiling at each other and spoke about 2 weeks ago. He showed up at her aerobics class in street clothes and gave her his card and told her to call him and blew her a sexy kiss. She asked her friend if she should send him an e-mail to tell him she is not available or don't do anything at all. She said she is nervous he will write back and say why was I smiling at him if I'm not available. She said the truth is she is attracted him but said in her email that she checks him out but not interested in getting involved and that it is amazing how fast you can get yourself into trouble. She said he is basically an affair waiting to happen if I want it. She said I'm smart enough to not screw up my life and I love XXXXX too much to do that, but she called him a fantasy man. I am not sure what to do at this point. She knows I have access to her facebook and emails so I don't really feel like I snooped. She technically has not really done anything but this is really bothering me. I really need some advice here on how to handle this specific situation.


Okay my friend you're lucky but you have to deal with this absolutely right now no messing.

I'd say she's looking for a green light, weighing it up, and before you know it you'll end up with a thread on here 60 pages long with you being trickle treated to death.

She knows she's on that boundary so you, imo, need to weigh in with a complete hammer. Let her know in no uncertain terms how this will end should she fulfill her new attraction.

So many people / cheaters in her position now having confirmed they will "screw up my life" go on and do JUST THAT - SCREW up their and everyone else life.!! 

I think you have been presented with an opportunity here to draw a very obvious boundary. Phones emails accounts passwords - the lot. If she values you she should have no problem with any of that

It is also worth considering by talking to each other about why she would feel this way in respect of her relationship with yourself and maybe you can iron that out 

But be under no illusions this is dangerous talk and you need to get a grip of it


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I have to admit, your first thread I didnt feel like it was too big a deal afterall we all have attractions. But this solidifies how wrong I was.

This is the danger zone. She's actively putting out signals that she's willing to cheat. The next step is.....

I'm not sure what you can do other than tell her you're not going to put up with where this is headed.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

This is an affair waiting to happen. If not this guy then the next.


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## bollywoodboy (Aug 20, 2012)

Headspin what words or actions would represent a hammer approach? Should I leave the home for a few days? Should I go home and speak to her calmly about it? We also have a 4 year old so not an easy situation.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

bollywoodboy said:


> Headspin what words or actions would represent a hammer approach? Should I leave the home for a few days? Should I go home and speak to her calmly about it? We also have a 4 year old so not an easy situation.


 The problem is that this is just part of her personality now. She is so insecure she needs constant affirmation of her sex appeal.

You can't force her to not be like this. She needs counseling to find out why she is so insecure.

You need to push IC for her. 

Good luck. She is a time bomb.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bollywoodboy said:


> Headspin what words or actions would represent a hammer approach? Should I leave the home for a few days? Should I go home and speak to her calmly about it? We also have a 4 year old so not an easy situation.


DO NOT LEAVE THE HOME

Maybe you could try couple's counselling?

Your wife is playing dangerous games that mothers of children should not play.

Does she realise she could be laying herself wide open to getting sexually assaulted by a strange man?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Contact the OM and tell him if he tries to contact your wife again he will have a serious problem.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

bollywoodboy said:


> Headspin what words or actions would represent a hammer approach? Should I leave the home for a few days? Should I go home and speak to her calmly about it? We also have a 4 year old so not an easy situation.


(Srry been busy)

Well its the proverbial hammer.

That said it's no good going into 'appeal' mode. She's already attracted and her nose is in the air sniffing for the first mate.

This is unusual, to catch this right now I mean, normally things have already gone another fateful step to the worse.

It's sit down and talk time but having that conversation ending with her knowing exactly the consequences of her in any way straying EA and then PA

Don't know what others think but at such an early stage is it not worth throwing this website in front of her when she's got an hour and a half to spare and demanding she read some of the stories on here. 

She should'nt have a problem with it. It could be the most insightful hour and a half she ever spent reading anything in her life

Show her tears' thread and watch how a basically 'good marriage' utterly unraveled due to a one night stand let a lone a full on affair 

She HAS to know the consequences for stepping outside of you both or she is going to fk this up so big time, there will later be so much destruction, that there almost certainly will be no going back 

Make sure she fully understands this and also that what she is contemplating here is HER CHOICE.

You'll glean everything you need to know from her answers and the way she tells them

Best of


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