# Should I let it go?!



## lossforwords (Apr 21, 2013)

I am seriously considering letting it all go!!! I should still be in the "honeymoon" stage seeing as though we have only been married 7 months!!! But here we are, I have been lied to about what time he is getting off of work. Received a "pocket dial" one night that told me that he was not at work when I thought that he was. He then lied about it of course until I approached him with the proof...ugh, now I find a number and some texts in his phone!!! What to do!!


----------



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

I'm sorry your here already, 7 months???

Let it go?? absolutely NOT. Do you think he's cheating or having an emotional affair (EA)?? Did you suspect anything before you got married? Is this a new side of him you've never seen before? Has something in yours/his life happened recently that you would consider dramatic (death in family, major sickness)? Is he texted at odd hours, or receiving calls at strange times? How well do you know his work/co-workers?

Just not enough info to give you advice at this point. more background? Your ages, married before? kids from previous?


----------



## lossforwords (Apr 21, 2013)

Thumper- We have both been married once before. We originally ad a 2 year relationship that I ended after finding out about an affair. After going our seperate ways he came and fought hard to get me back. I really felt like he had matured and was past making such mistakes which is why we got back together and a year later got married. So while I can't say this behavior is exactly new, it is still unexpected. I guess I was nieve in thinking that being his WIFE would hold enough weight to prevent such things from his past from resurfacing. I am 30 and he is 36, we have 4 children between us from previous marriages but none together. We live in the home with his son, 16, my son 6, and daughter 5. (His oldest son just turned 18 and is becoming a man so he just recently moved out) I have a good relationship with my step sons, and because my children were so young when we met they call him Daddy. (They know of their biological father but dont really have a relationship with him) My husband is a great father and provider but makes the choice to not be honest and truthful with me!!! Yes I do believe that he is/was having an affair. I believe I may have found out about it in the early stages but IMO the moment that he entertained the attention of another woman and began communicating with her what I thought we had was over!!! ....I am truly at a loss for words!!


----------



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Is he willing to give marriage counseling a chance? Have you thought about a trial separation? Are you really willing to just "let it go"?

Can you check his cell phone records? Email on home computer? You think he might be having an affair but have no proof, so DONT mention it. do some digging yourself. Maybe a voice activated recorder velcro'd under the seat of his car?

I guess what im trying to say is, even if you do find out he's having an affair, do you want to still try to make it work? What if you find nothing? Are you financially sound enough to make a trial separation work for a month or two? Are you prepared to make a stand, and then hold your ground?

Have you looked into the 180 plan: 

The Healing Heart: The 180

you have plenty of options on either repairing the relationship or walking away now. But you also have to prepare yourself that it might not go the way you think it will.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

He wasn't ready for marriage or even a long term. You should definitely get out of this before you have kids and property in the picture.


----------



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Theres nothing like pushing an affair, like adding his kids to the situation. Right now he gets his cake, while you watch and take care of his kids/household. See if he really thinks the grass could be greener when he has to own up to all the responsibility. Its why I think a trial separation is a better option than just straight divorce, but then again, that's only if you decide you want this to work in the first place.


----------



## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Thumper are you serious? No kids oir assets yet. Lying.

GTF OUT


----------



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

well I cant tell her what to do? its up to her. A lot of people think they're ready to move on, but when the time comes, decide to try to work it out anyways, even when they know in their hearts what needs to be done.


----------



## lossforwords (Apr 21, 2013)

Thumper-I just looked at the 180 plan, this is the first I have heard of it but it does sound interesting. 
I know that it would not be easy financially seperating or even divorcing but IMO peace of mind is priceless.
As for all the other responses- there may be some truth in he was not ready to be married, even though he created the illusion that he was. So the question is what now? I'm having a hard time deciding if I want to wait for him to get to that point, which may be a gamble, or just walk away now. The Love is not the question its the acts and lack of trust at this point! Part of my heart says stay, there are issues with any relationship but part of my heart is saying abort the mission before it gets too bad because I have experienced such pain before from my XH!! As for him, we just recently(just before I found this site) had a blow up argument about this issue. He did admit that he was wrong in exchanging numbers but says it didnt go any further than calls and texts, however its not likely that he would tell me if it did seeing as though he didnt willingly tell me about the conversations, I saw the text!! So I'm just torn right now!!!


----------

