# My entire world is about to be destroyed



## Whattheheck (Oct 10, 2011)

37, married for 7 years, 3 kids, house, good job, amazing wife.

But now she wants a divorce. We have had huge bust-ups in the past and i can lose mr rag and she can give as good as she gets but never until now did i realise why this was happening. Now she says i have been mean to her for so long that she can't tell me anything any more and despite saying i would change in the past i never have. I get jealous when she goes out because i feel so unloved and helpless. So i have told her i will address, this and have been reading up on how to rationlise my behaviour and how to learn to be a better listener...but she says she no longer loves me and doesnt want to try. She says there is no one else involved, insists there is no one else involved. 

She wont listen. How can she throw everything away when, without knowing it i have been pushing her away. I love this women and my family more than anything i have ever loved before, they are my life but she is refusing to see counselling and says there is too much history. She says im a great dad but a bad husband. 

I dont know what im asking for here, but i'll do anything...though the idea of divorcing is destroying me. I have always supported her and never tried to stop her from going out, just i can be a bit resentful when she gets back. Knowing that she has so much fun with others and always grumpy around the house. 

I could type more, but hopefully you get the picture.


----------



## DSSM9500 (Sep 16, 2011)

My guess is there is still at least an EA. Try to come up with any friendships, FB friends, co-workers, etc. you may suspect. Maybe W is a little too friendly with them? Talks to them a lot? Start checking phone records for calls, texts, etc. I got the same speech from my wife and then uncovered an EA through checking our cell bill. Does W have private email accounts. Does she share passwords with you? Do this quickly as you can. Is their is an A, especially an EA, you have a very uphill battle ahead. 

Also understand that if she has "emotionally divorced" you, it will be very tough to get her back. 

Just my two cents from experience.


----------



## Whattheheck (Oct 10, 2011)

she says no affair. but i dont have a clue. i want to believe her but i want to keep her more regardless. Sure, i'll get my ass kicked in court, but thats not the point. I see my kids every day even though i work long hours. i look after them way more than her and i am i cant bear the thought of her dating others and, well, leaving me. Is it possible for a women to fall out of love, be so determined to leave but not be seeing someone else. 

Its not even the main issue. At this time i think i could forgive anything(well, almost) of she was willing to try.

Eeeurgh...what a mess.


----------



## Tommo (Oct 1, 2011)

Nope...all the signs are there for her cheating on you. Get a key logger...and if she is...show no quarter and take no prisoners.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Get a key logger on the pc ASAP and a VAR in her car
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

> _*Just Let Them Go*
> 
> The end result?
> 
> ...


----------



## Whattheheck (Oct 10, 2011)

can anyone recommend me a reliable and stealthy key-logger thingy then. Sounds like if you get caught using one of these things and the other person is innocent then you could become enemy number one so recommendations definitely need. Can these things auto-email info to you or be accessed remotely or something?

Never even thought of that before, sounds useful.

Grateful for advice please chaps.


----------



## realitybites (Oct 12, 2011)

I'd say I'd be surprised if there weren't someone else involved. Like DSSM9500 mentioned and I'm beginning to realize this in my own situation, there seems to be some point that is reached where they have decided to be "divorced emotionally". It seems to be the point of no return. Based on her choices and behavior, my wife seemed to have reached that point even before starting our year long counseling sessions. Also, it seems once they reach that point, that's when the EAs start. At least that's what happened in my case.

I wish you the best on whatever may happen, whattheheck.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Best Computer Monitoring Software 2011 | Reviews, Ratings & More

Webwatcher has good reviews and members here have had good experiences with it.


----------



## DSSM9500 (Sep 16, 2011)

realitybites said:


> I'd say I'd be surprised if there weren't someone else involved. Like DSSM9500 mentioned and I'm beginning to realize this in my own situation, there seems to be some point that is reached where they have decided to be "divorced emotionally". It seems to be the point of no return. Based on her choices and behavior, my wife seemed to have reached that point even before starting our year long counseling sessions. Also, it seems once they reach that point, that's when the EAs start. At least that's what happened in my case.
> 
> I wish you the best on whatever may happen, whattheheck.


Our MC fired us because he said we had no marriage to counsel. I have done a lot of learning in the past few months and have recognized that if your W emotionally divorces, there is little chance to go back. Add an EA and it is done. I still cannot wrap my brain around how my STBX "went through the motions" in our marriage as she states it. It seems so surreal that we went through our lives with all seeming normal, but she really wasn't there. We even went on a trip for our 5th Anniversary! 

Back to the situation of the OP, I strongly agree that there is an OM. I would be really surprised if there was not. It will also be very wise to decide what he wants. If he wants R, he needs to recognize the chance of success is probably 1 in a 100. I'm not advocating just giving up, but if W is not interested at all in R, that says a lot. You cannot work on your M by yourself - it does not work.


----------



## Whattheheck (Oct 10, 2011)

let me just get this straight, R means reconsiliation? And OM means?


----------



## Whattheheck (Oct 10, 2011)

reconciliation, even.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Whattheheck said:


> let me just get this straight, R means reconsiliation? And OM means?


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32983-ok-i-have-ask.html


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Whattheheck said:


> let me just get this straight, R means reconsiliation? And OM means?


Other Man. My fellow posters here are 100 percent correct, there has to be someone else. But it doesn't have to be a guy and there doesn't have to be physical intimacy. Your wife is getting her need for emotional intimacy filled from someone else, somewhere and you need to find out who it is. In my case it was my wife's long time friend, a former college professor, also a female. Emotional unfaithfulness is still unfaithfulness but without some of the shame and risk of disease. Still, it's most likely to be a guy.


----------



## hiyouitisme (Oct 12, 2011)

If you have to do all of that then it's over and you might have lost your integrity somewhere along the way!


----------

