# Religion and children



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've been neglecting this issue for some time now. Personally I feel it's good for my daughter to be raised with appropriate morals as well as enjoy the church community every Sunday, they treat her well there as well. Heck, even if I decide not to allow my STBX to take her to church anymore I doubt my daughter will be very happy, but she has been very resilient thus far dealing with parental seperation and if she can get over that, I'm sure she can get over not going to church.

I believe it's healthy for her to believe in a higher power, but quite frankly, I fear long-term repurcussions for her believing in Christ. I don't want her to become religious, or to fear the unknown. I've been raising her to acknowledge actions and consequences, to be good not out of fear, but out of her own moral convictions. And hell somethings are also gray... Unfortunately, this may put her at odds with the church once she comes of age. I fear that if I continue allowing her to go to church, I will regret it.

For the record I'm not Christian, my STBX is, and as for my daughter it's all a nice fantasy for her, not just Christianity, but also of my faith. I've taught her in a way where my influence in her beliefs blend fluently with Christianity - thanks to having learnt to deal/merge with my STBX's faith last few years.

Thoughts? What age should I pull her out or should I just not pull her out at all?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't think children should go to church until they are old enough to decide for themselves. You don't need church to raise moral, balanced, contributing citizens.

But this is a question that only you and her mum can answer as it pertains to your child.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What makes you think you can force your STBXW to not take her to church?

I think your best bet is to share your beliefs with your daughter in age appropriate ways. Let her decide as she matures what she believes in.

C


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@PBear

I have custody every weekend 
Though true, it may start a war lol

The thing is though, religion isn't exactly something one just suddenly decides not to believe in, it forms a mental framework and people become dependent on it like any other code of conduct. As she grows, her mental framework will align itself with Christianity the more I allow this.

I don't know what to do really, so far I've just been procastinating dealing with this issue.

@Holland


> I don't think children should go to church until they are old enough to decide for themselves. You don't need church to raise moral, balanced, contributing citizens.


I agree, I've compromised with this for my STBX, now I wonder if I should regret my decision. I also fear one day the church may use my daughter to try to "bring daddy to Christ"... but that hasn't happened yet thankfully, it will make me :banghead:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I no longer consider myself a Christian, I could write a book on all the issues I have with scripture....yet our oldest son is a Christian... I would never say he has been ruined or hurt by the Church.....he has made wonderful friends, who've stood beside him, helped him learn guitar- his passion, he found his nitch...some damn good people ...and I am thankful for them -frankly. 

He is smart enough to know -just cause one puts a label upon themselves means absolutely NOTHING...it's in how you live. Not all Believers are dangerous and slime, and neither are non- believers, some wonderful people here too! 

It's the "separation mentality" that destroys.. 

Even though we debate religion... we banter... he knows if he goes down some outrageous road of a brain washed fundamentalist... we'd kick him out- he can go live in some damn commune (and no, I am hardly worried about this!)...... we actually joke about stuff like that... It angers HIM some of the outrageous he sees that brings disgust upon the church/ embarrassment to the faith. In this way, we are on a similar page. 

Feed your daughter "Common sense" as she grows... Live the Golden Rule before her...this is the birth of Morality...all religions agree....this does not require all the supernatural fluff some are fed in the church pew...

Discuss many issues...do you really think she will turn a blind eye towards REASON.... with your influence over her ... I doubt it... having a slice of both world views...I just know it wouldn't bother me personally. But I am not the type to shield my kids from much of anything... I want them to understand many things... and be able to make up their own minds... 

But I don't know all the issues you personally face with your Wife's Church or how EXTREME they are??

Here is me.. when I was a little girl like that.. I HATED church, I never wanted to go, would kick & scream.. didn't like the kids in the class, I was a little brat! Then when I got to be in my teens, I had more of an appreciation for this sort of thing, made friends in the youth group... I don't know... I think I turned out alright !


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks SA, maybe I worry too much no?

The church they go to isn't extreme, if it was I wouldn't have procastinated this lol. But they do believe in your standard fare "save souls, non-believers will burn in hell" etc. Not something I want my daughter to pick up.

Guess I'm being overly protective...

And heh, my daughter is a very social loving little angel, she's not shy either and I believe she gets that from her mum. Everyone loves her, at school, at church. I would find it harder to stop her going to church then to drag her to it!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband grew up in church and I didn't.

Neither of us were scared for life due to church attendance or lack thereof.

The people I know who are messed up from religion are those whose parents drilled hell and damnation into their heads 24/7.

It takes more than an hour a week of church to brainwash people.

Think about it if that worked wouldn't our world be a better place by now? Lol


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Alright, fine, I'll drop it heh

But if she ever comes home and starts telling me "Daddy I don't want you to go to hell" then I'm drawing the line! -.-


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## bewilderness (Jun 11, 2013)

Religion = indoctrination. Plain and simple. We believe what our parents believe, generally. 

There are PLENTY of ways to teach morality without religion. 

Look into secular humanism, Camp Quest, and authors like Sam Harris...and teach your daughter to think for herself.  That will be far more useful to her than superstition.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

If religion is something your daughter enjoys, I wouldn't take that way. But (and I think every comment here touches on this), I would talk to her about how to BALANCE religion. 

For kids, things are fairly black and white, gray doesn't necessarily exist yet in their world; so she may very well start thinking "well, Daddy doesn't go to church, so that means he's a sinner", because in her world there isn't gray yet, there's just "black" and "white", "Believer" and "Non-Believer". I would use this as an opportunity to show her that you can live by the tenets of a faith without being devoutly religious. Talk with her. Teach her tolerance.

Religion doesn't have to be an "indoctrination", and a healthy sense of spirituality of any sort isn't a bad thing. SA's post hits it on the head I think


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