# Cancer is Back



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Hi all,

I have a little history on these boards, been absent as I have been trying to get on with my life after these last horrendous five years...marriage upheaval, cancer, bankruptcy, divorce.... I had engaged in a lot of volunteer work and had finally returned to work about four months ago after a long recovery from multiple myeloma (blood cancer residing within the bone marrow) and a stem cell transplant.

My shoulder started hurting a month or so ago, but I thought it could have been a rotator cuff issue. Aside from that, some unwanted measurements started showing up in my blood labs that showed some myeloma activity after close to two years of dormancy. There were some discrepancies in the labs, so I inquired the specialist two weeks ago about what could do that and she mentioned a plasmacytoma (myeloma tumor) and I knew it had to be my shoulder. I was right.

Going to have shoulder treated with radiation. Going to change up my chemo regimen to a strong combo of drugs to knock down cells...and aim for yet another stem cell transplant. Before any of this, now they want to biopsy a lymph node...as my shoulder pain is a result of cancer eating itself out of my acromium and spreading around soft tissue. 

Stormy seas ahead, but I am pretty much at peace with everything. I just hate the thought of leaving work again. I also am bummed about my life being arrested because of cancer.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

((((((((((((((((((((Former Self))))))))))))))))))))

My thoughts and courage are with you.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

you are one strong man. prayers out.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I wish you well in your treatment. Sending positive energy your way. Take care of yourself and try to stay positive.


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

Jesus man. I'm so sorry. You're an emotional rock though. Fist bump.

I wish we could give you more than just words


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

I'm so very sorry to read this, Formerself. I've enjoyed your posts and presence here from afar and got misty-eyed reading that your cancer has returned. I "liked" it because of the strength, courage, and determination evinced in it. 

It's apparent that you are a fighter and ultimately, I pray, you are a survivor as well.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you are able, please post with updates and your progress. Godspeed.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It hurts to read that FS. I admire your strength in all your trials of life. I am so sorry you are going through this. You will be in my prayers.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I am so sorry about this FS, I hope and pray this is a temporary setback for you. Please keep us updated, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I am so sorry, brother. 

Prayers for you.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Stay positive. The good news is that your previous history mean they quickly identified what was happening. I know someone whose diagnosis tragically took much longer.

The radiation and chemo will suck. You are strong and will not just survive, but survive and be even better for the experience.

Warm wishes and prayers for a quick recovery.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm so sorry. You are clearly a fighter. That's so important. Keep us posted as you have many here who care about you.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

FormerSelf, please keep us informed about your progress if you feel like doing so. I am so sorry you are having to fight cancer, a battle I fought against the stage-4 cancer I had nearly 20 years ago. Like you, I did the chemo, radiation, and surgery -- a painful process that went on for 8 months. You are in my prayers, FormerSelf.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I agree that you're an emotional rock. I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this again. Your life experiences, advice, thoughts, music choices and grace have been appreciated by me and many others here. Please let us know what you need from us as you go through this.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

Very sorry to hear this FormerSelf. I will be praying for you.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Hi everyone...thank you all.

Just had my first radiation treatment today. Fairly easy process. Going to have nine more sessions between now and the 15th...with chemo to follow.

Just going to show up to my appointments and do what I have to do to get back on with my life, you know?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Thanks for the update, FS.

Still praying.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

One foot in front of the other. Still in my prayers, as well.


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

Really sorry to hear this. Sending you a pm. ((((Hugs))))


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

FormerSelf said:


> Hi everyone...thank you all.
> 
> Just had my first radiation treatment today. Fairly easy process. Going to have nine more sessions between now and the 15th...with chemo to follow.
> 
> Just going to show up to my appointments and do what I have to do to get back on with my life, you know?


Thank you for giving an update. I'm glad to see that you remain positive and resilient. I'm in awe of your courage.

My thoughts and prayers are still with you. Strength.


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

FormerSelf said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I have a little history on these boards, been absent as I have been trying to get on with my life after these last horrendous five years...marriage upheaval, cancer, bankruptcy, divorce.... I had engaged in a lot of volunteer work and had finally returned to work about four months ago after a long recovery from multiple myeloma (blood cancer residing within the bone marrow) and a stem cell transplant.
> 
> ...


You can do this. 

2 years ago, my divorce became final, my kids started dealing with our custody arrangement....and I found out I had cancer. A tumor in my throat. 7 weeks of radiation, 2 rounds of chemo, 5 months out of work. Due to the location of the tumor (and the radiation) I had significant trouble eating and lost 30 lbs in about 5 weeks. Had to get a feeding tube which I used for probably 4 months, to keep from losing anymore weight. 

Finally went back to work full time in Sept 2014. Took me til about May/June to get my weight back to normal and I was feeling pretty strong again, working out, dating, etc. Found out in Sept '15 cancer had returned. Tumor in my lung. Had surgery Sept 30 and they removed the upper lobe of my left lung. 4 weeks out this time but I did push it a bit. I was going crazy just lying around though. 

Starting to feel better, working out again, etc. Just about have a position locked down at a childrens hospital to volunteer for a couple hours a week. Making dinner for a friend (and her family) going through breast cancer this Friday, and always looking for ways to help others--- I know 4-5 people about 40 years old with cancer. 

In any case, you are not alone. Radiation is awful and I will be praying for you, but keep faith. Lean on those you have and be grateful. And when you can, give back.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Biggest hugs and prayers FS... Love your attitude and strength.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Breath in, breath out. Keep going strong and know we're thinking of you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My prayers are with you, knowing full well that our Heavenly Father will never subject you to anything that you cannot bear!

I am so proud to be among the TAM brethren who are looking out for and are unceasingly praying for you!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Sending you good thoughts and strength.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Caught this heading...your name underneath.. "[email protected]##"... 

Just can't imagine what all you must be going through.... you sound so "solid" , resolved...you've walked this way before....you'll get through this ... one foot in front of the other.. 

Admiring your courage -with all you've faced in the past 5 years...you've never sounded bitter ...but caring, always an insightful poster...a fighter in all things.. 

A long time ago, a man I worked for shared with me.. he lived through the 3 worst things that can come upon a man... loosing a son, divorce , then cancer.. he managed to get through them all.... .but that's just too much in one lifetime...

I know you'll give back in any way you could.. but during this time.. lean on some of those close to you..allow them to DO for you too. (((hugs)))


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Thinking about you, FS. Miss reading your insight.

Just remember:

Milk, it does a body good. 










Holy crap, it sure does.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

FS,
You are in my prayers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Nine radiations down by now ....keep on keepin' on!

Here's some goodness for your listening pleasure.

Lazaretto - Jack White


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Don't know where to begin!

Thank you for all of the message of love and support...for a stranger on the other end of the interwebz.

My shoulder pain has greatly diminished after the last radiation treatment, I was glad it was over...as I was fine for a time, but started to get really fatigued and my throat/esophagus was starting to feel raw. But I made it! Got to ring the bell and was given an applause at the end.

Started chemo yesterday...and today was day two of getting an infusion of a new drug. Most notable is the dexamethasone steroid that gets me pretty hyped up. It always gives me hiccups the next day...which lasted for hours today!!!

Getting a lot of support and encouragement from others. I have to say it has been hard opening myself to that...as after my wife choosing that time to vacate...I am just keenly aware of the limitations of others. But I also need to take face value that those who offer their support may actually mean it!!! LOL.

MRR...looks like you have been slugging it out yourself. Way to stay positive and looking ahead. I am trying to do that myself...trying to let it trickle in that I can have a life to look forward. It's hard. I really put it out there while I was in remission...and I admit I am tempted to withdraw my hand. But I have to do the best that I can.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It's really good to "hear" from you, FS. Sorry about the hiccups. Made me smile when I read that. 

So many here do care, please, never withdraw your hand.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

So happy to read your update and am pleased that your treatments are going well despite the side effects and that your pain has lessened. 

So very strong and courageous; you're lionhearted. 

I have every faith and confidence that you will heal from this too and earn yet another hard-won battle scar to decorate your warrior's spirit. 

You have my continued support and prayers.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you. I'm so sorry that you are, once again, having to deal with this. Cancer sucks. Your strength and positive attitude have always been so inspiring. But, I know that it would be nice if you didn't always have to be so strong, and it would be nice if your positive attitude could be applied to something more positive. 

Please keep us updated. There are a lot of people who genuinely care about "strangers" on the Internet. You'll find many of them right here on TAM.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Just wanted to let you know, @FormerSelf, that I was thinking of you.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Hi Everyone!

No new developments...just taking care of things as they fall on my plate.

Treatment is going fine. My current chemo regimen is a newer drug than what I initially used, so the side-effects are less. I mostly just deal with lack of energy, but I haven't had to leave work. I am going to try to stay with work for as long as I can before having to go to Seattle for the stem cell transplant (in two months...maybe?).

I still volunteer with several things, but others I have had to let go for the time being. It's been 9 months being divorced now, and I have been largely contented with being on my own, but I have just been walloped over the head with the "threat" of a new relationship. LOL. Life is good.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

That's wonderful, @FormerSelf. The "threat", that is. 

Sounds like you are doing as well as can be expected. Maybe you are doing better than expected? 

So glad you are doing alright. Thank you for posting.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Agreed. It's great to hear of your update and, all things considered, that life is good!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Checking in FormerSelf. Just wondering how you are doing. Hope all is as well as can be. How's that new girlfriend situation?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I've been thinking about you this week. Hope you are alright.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I'm Still Standin'!

I'm about 3 months past my 2nd transplant now. Going to have some thorough testing this week to see where I'm at. The transplant went remarkably well. I recovered so much more quickly this time...I'm really beside myself about it. Expecting good news and hopefully the clock has been considerably reset to buy more time and hopefully hang on until curative treatments surface.

Been extremely busy these last few months. My girlfriend (now fiancé) has already seen me at my worst and yet had stuck by my side. She really knocked down some walls that I had built to protect myself from the damage done to me by my XW. Didn't think those wall would be there, but they certainly revealed themselves as my fiancé was relentless in getting close. Unfortunately, she is from India (a whole 'nother post in itself) and had to return just yesterday. Lots to do to make arrangements.

Just don't have time for cancer, folks. :smile2:

Thank you for the thoughts everyone.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

FormerSelf;16358402
Been extremely busy these last few months. My girlfriend (now fiancé) has already seen me at my worst and yet had stuck by my side. She really knocked down some walls that I had built to protect myself from the damage done to me by my XW. Didn't think those wall would be there said:


> she is from India (a whole 'nother post in itself) and had to return just yesterday. Lots to do to make arrangements.[/B]
> 
> Just don't have time for cancer, folks. :smile2:
> 
> Thank you for the thoughts everyone.



Don't wear yourself out with someone else's travel arrangements. Is this a long term gf., life from before the cancer?

Wishing and hoping for your full recovery.:|

You've got really good insurance coverage, right?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Good to hear from you, FS.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Great news, FS! So happy for you!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Waaahaaayyy!!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Thanks for updating, FS. 

It is so wonderful that you had a better outcome this time. 

So glad you found someone who brings the best out of you. 

Can't wait for more.


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

Op so sorry to hear of your illnesses. Are you doing anything to help your immune system cope with everything...how is your diet, etc? Some people have done macrobiotic diet with good results. Maybe you can supplement the other treatments? Also, acupuncture supposed to help with chemo side effects....


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

FormerSelf said:


> I'm Still Standin'!
> 
> I'm about 3 months past my 2nd transplant now. Going to have some thorough testing this week to see where I'm at. The transplant went remarkably well. I recovered so much more quickly this time...I'm really beside myself about it. Expecting good news and hopefully the clock has been considerably reset to buy more time and hopefully hang on until curative treatments surface.
> 
> ...


Hi, how are you doing? Are you married yet?


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> Hi, how are you doing? Are you married yet?


Hi...dropped in the forum...it's been a while for me since I have been swept up in life, and that's a good thing, you know?

No, not married yet, but the whole visa process has gone smoothly so far with no problems with my petition and it getting approved. Just waiting to hear word for when my fiancé's interview at the consulate will be scheduled.

Was not at all looking to be married...and neither was she. I know her family at my church and she happened to be visiting, and being of similar age and experience, we just hit it off. Nuts, I tell you.

As for my health, I am still doing okay. My second stem cell transplant did nothing for me, and it wasn't too long when my numbers were the same as they were before I started. Attempted a clinical trial, but again, did nothing for me. But for now the multiple myeloma still under control with a standard cocktail. Just not sure what the next steps will be at this stage. If we get more aggressive, then we are looking at some elevated risks...and I can't do chemo forever. The answer will come.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Prayers for you, brother. 

In the interim, enjoy your time with you fiancé! Very cool!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Congrats  I am sending GO AWAY CANCER thoughts to you from Canada.


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