# Heel to Hero? How is that even possible?



## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

For review see thread titled He dropped a bomb on me... 

Curious as to how this kind of transformation takes place. The background premise is STBXH deserted me back in the spring by way of a phone call. He took to Staying" with the OW in NJ. I have not received any substantial financial assistance from him since then. (That situation is in the thread too.)

I have been doing my d*m#dest not to stoop to bashing or calling him names in conversations with our kids (grown). But, on occasion, I do slip up. I realize that R is not a possibility. He made that clear from the start. I won't now because I firmly believe that if we did somehow R that given the opportunity, he would do this to me again and it wouldn't take 24 years the next time. 
However, I digress. In a conversation with DD (18) I slipped and called STBXH a POS. DD took umbrage with that and told me she didn't quite understand why I felt it necessary to "bash" him when he has never said anything "negative" about me. Excuse me???? Is the betrayed spouse not allowed to have feelings of anger? The POS moniker came in a conversation about DD going to NJ and I told her to call her dad and see how fast he would get her a ticket (read as pay for). OK, so the statement dripped with sarcasm. This is the same "hero" that couldn't come with money for me to get her to the ER. Whenever the issue of money arises it's always the same responses from him: "I'm broke, I don't have it easy." But when he pays a mutual bill it becomes "look at me, I paid a family bill. I'm doing you ungrateful free loaders such a favor!" OK, I took literary liberties with that last interpretation, that's just the way I feel it. BTW, the bill I refer to is the cell bill. All of us are on it (in his name) and if it's not paid he can't reach the kids. Kind of being between a rock and a hard place. HA!

So back to the question... how does one go from heel to hero?


----------



## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

I find it hard to believe that over 100 people have l"viewed" this and no one offers an opinion? What gives?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok, I think your DD is in the wrong, and at her age should understand how awful what he has done is.

And yes you've got a right to call him whatever you want, his actions prove he deserves it.

If DD was 5. I'd say don't do it around her, but since she 18 let loose, it's all true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Thanks Shaggy for taking the time to respond.

Both kids have expressed to me that they feel as if they're in the middle of it, albeit they have differing reasons. I think DD is having a severe case of "ostriche syndrome". She just doesn't want to hear anything about this, including voicing her own feelings. She did say that he never says anything bad about me. I said that he has nothing bad he could say as he'e the one that ran. Seems that H contacts DS only in regards to $$$, checking up on him to see if DS is upholding his part in the finacial scheme of things. Since H pays the cell phones (entire family on plan) and DS's car insurance, the agreement was that DS would give me the cash. Well, DS is struggling like everyone else and pays when and how much he can. H wants DS to send him the $$ and then H pay me. Problem is, DS is here and H is in another state and I don't trust H that I will ever get it. So many promises have been made and none kept. 

Add in that there seems to be a jealousy thing between the kids. It's all just a mess.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I'd say too that 18-year olds "know" an awful lot about how things "should" be and are famous for the advice they give accordingly. There's clearly a whole lot going on and your kids are in a weird place between being the kids and being adults in dealing with it all, which makes having an older teen in the mix even more....joyful, I'm sure. I'd be taking her with an extra grain of salt I think instead of attributing to some feeling that will probably change back and forth soon enough...


----------



## JazzTango2Step (Apr 4, 2011)

Don't go to your kids for councelling or support, and don't try to win their hearts. Also, put aside your feelings for your ex when you speak with them. This is their parent too, and they love the both of you. 

Also, she is a kid. Don't take anything she says seriously. She will bounce back and forth between you and your ex throughout her life, changing favorites based on whatever, and you just have to let her.


----------

