# OK.. I need some serious advice!



## db52993

So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.

Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.

We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.

I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.

What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.


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## EleGirl

Do not get involved with her while she is married.

If she leaves her husband and files for divorce, then that's a different issue.

Doe she have children with her husband?

You know the destruction that an affair leads to. Do not get involved with a married woman.

Tell me, now that you have fallen into this relationship, does it change the view of your wife having an affair?


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## db52993

The woman has no children. I do view this woman like my wife in that she is doing exactly what my wife was doing. I was upset with my wife, but somehow I condone what this woman is doing.

I do know the destruction that it causes. Its just its so difficult because its soothing my pain from my divorce and what I went though. I know its crazy.


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## SunnyT

Well, you should explain to her what you just said here. Tell her that you just can't be that guy....in the middle of someone else's marriage. Tell her that if she is ever free to look you up. Period.

Then block her. From everything. 

You were admittedly vulnerable. Now make things right. You are not going to respect someone who cheats on their husband in the long run. So ya, this was probably a rebound thing. 

Walk away.


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## db52993

Easier said than done.


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## sokillme

db52993 said:


> So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.
> 
> Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.
> 
> We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.
> 
> I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.
> 
> What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.


Seriously dude? Don't be an ass. After all you been through if you do the same thing to someone else that you had done to you, you are lower then dirt.


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## db52993

I have not done anything yet, that is why I posted here. I agree with your advice. I just need clarity because sometimes your judgment is clouded by emotions.


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## sokillme

db52993 said:


> I have not done anything yet, that is why I posted here. I agree with your advice. I just need clarity because sometimes your judgment is clouded by emotions.


You're having the beginnings of an emotional affair, probably mostly from rebounding. I am sure the guy who was banging your wife was thinking very much like you right before he started sticking it to her. 

You have absolutely no excuse. None! You know exactly how much that emasculates and devastates a person. You know how long it takes to get over and how it permeates every part of your life. Now you want to do that to someone else. 

What the hell is wrong with you, are you a sociopath? I am going to assume this is because you feel really down right now so let me give you a little secret. 

The only thing you have total control over in this world is your honor. Take your self-esteem from that. Learn to cherish it. If you do that then you will never cheat because your motive to not cheat will be selfishness. 

Seriously dude, all you know is what this woman has told you. I am sure her husband would beg to differ with the assessment of his marriage. Frankly you should ask. I bet she would be singing a different tune tomorrow.

I am also sure your wife sad the very same things about your marriage before she started letting that guy bang her. 

Do the right thing, tell this woman you can't have any kind (ANY KIND) of a relationship with her because she is married. Then let her go, the more time you waste with her the less time you will have to find the right one. 

Also you need to get your picker checked because you are about to throw down with a married woman, how successful do you think that relationship would be? What are the chances that this woman who is creeping on her husband will make a good life partner? You think she really has character? 

You are not learning young buck.


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## tech-novelist

This is an excellent example of thinking with the wrong head.

Get her out of your life immediately.

If she actually gets divorced, she will be able to find you to tell you, but I'm pretty sure you will have moved on by then (if that ever happens).


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## Adelais

db52993 said:


> So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.
> 
> Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.
> 
> We have become close friends, but *her being married is really becoming an issue*. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.
> 
> I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.
> 
> What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.


I bet it is....for her husband.

Tell her husband about your and her relationship, and get out of her life. She is a cheater, and would also cheat on you.


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## Emerging Buddhist

If she is not separated and still living with him, and you get in the middle, how long will it take to work up the strength to have confidence that she won't do to you what she did to him?

Integrity is a cornerstone in any relationship, please don't try to build this one without it.


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## Marc878

Really? Seriously?

You're no better than your X. You realize that, right?


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## SunnyT

"It's not that easy."

Ya well, it's not always easy. Too bad. The right thing isn't always the easiest thing. 

You are a grown man....you KNOW this. Man up and do the right thing.


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## GusPolinski

db52993 said:


> So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.
> 
> Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.
> 
> We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one.  This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.
> 
> I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.
> 
> What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.


:slap:


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## SunCMars

SunnyT said:


> Well, you should explain to her what you just said here. Tell her that you just can't be that guy....in the middle of someone else's marriage. Tell her that if she is ever free to look you up. Period.
> 
> Then block her. From everything.
> 
> You were admittedly vulnerable. Now make things right. You are not going to respect someone who cheats on their husband in the long run. So ya, this was probably a rebound thing.
> 
> Walk away.


Yes THIS.

She may cheat on YOU sometime down the road.

You want a decent women? Let her earn that descriptive Title.

She gets divorced, she gets a lift .....home.


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## EunuchMonk

db52993 said:


> Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. *She is a person I can see myself with.* She is crazy about me. *Problem: She is married*.
> 
> We have become close friends,* but her being married is really becoming an issue*. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.
> 
> I dont know what to do. *My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship.* Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.
> 
> What should I do? * Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.*


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## BobSimmons

db52993 said:


> Easier said than done.


For heavens sake man, all this, this is really difficult to do nonsense.

She's married, unless you've spoken to her husband then you really don't know the true state of their marriage.. and as a betrayed you should know better.

smh.

Easier said than done. Honestly, these betas.


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## ricky15100

If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you

Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk


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## NoChoice

db52993 said:


> So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.
> 
> Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships *I met a woman*. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person *I can see myself with*. *She is crazy about me*. Problem: She is married.
> 
> We have become close friends, but *her being married is really becoming an issue*. *I am not the type to get involved with married woman*. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but *right now its an emotional one*. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.
> 
> I dont know what to do. *My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship*. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with *another man's wife*, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.
> 
> What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.


if this is real it is very unsettling.


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## NextTimeAround

How long did it take her before she admitted that she was married?

Did you ignore some obvious indicators?


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## MJJEAN

In my first marriage we both had multiple affairs. 

ExH had many affairs because that's just what he does. The man is broken. He cheated on me. According to the grapevine, he cheated on all of the women he dated after the divorce. He remarried about a decade ago and, according to his mom and my daughters, he cheats on her, too.

I cheated because I made the foolish mistake of marrying someone solely because we were having casual sex and I got pregnant. I was miserable with the man, thought the best thing was to stay for the kid(s), and had lovers to meet my physical, intellectual, and emotional needs. I met and fell in love with my last OM, left the sham marriage, married him, and have been faithful for 16 years.

Clearly, not everyone who has cheated in a relationship is going to cheat in other relationships. And, equally clear, some people are just cheaters. 

That said, if this woman was truly unhappy in her marriage, she'd leave. She has no excuse to stay. They don't have kids and she has a job, so she can support herself. If she's staying, it`s because she wants to.

So, tell her she has to either end her marriage or you have to end the "friendship". If she is legitimately unhappy, she'll leave. If not, she's full of sh!t and staying married because she wants to be with her husband.

It took me less than a month to end my first marriage after getting involved with my then AP and now husband. That was with me having 2 young children and no job. This woman has no kids and a job, so she could literally go home today and tell her husband it's over and then be in a lawyers office by tomorrow. So, don't accept excuses. Give her maybe a week or two to end her marriage or you cease any and all contact with her.


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## Begin again

prime example of someone asking for advice when they know the right answer but don't like it. Do the right thing. Period.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars

NoChoice said:


> if this is real it is very unsettling.


Skipping the extraneous vowels....real unsettling.

If I get punched in the Nose [*by wife*]. I do not take that same Nose and stick it where it does not belong.....in EA-AP's *husbands* face.

By doing so, the *Nose will be knocked so-out-of-whack*, the wind will catch it's bent and keep your head pointed to the *starboard side-of-reality, ad-naseum*.


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## Wolf1974

To bad you and your X couldn't stay together. Seems you both have the same mindset.

This is going to end horribly for you, you need to get out and seek counseling


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## Thound

I would steer clear of this woman. You already know she has the propensity to cheat.


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## 225985

Nope


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## jb02157

You're going to have to make it plain to her that if she wants to continue to see you, she's going to have to get a divorce.


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## Spicy

It is hard for me to believe this post is even real.

End ALL and I mean ALL communication with her. 

Let's say she does divorce her husband, and then comes to you...you will still know she is willing to start affairs (EA or more) during her marriage. You really want a repeat of marriage number one by marrying another cheater?

There are a lot of great women out there. Avoid becoming a douche by persuing this course. By doing that you may end up being worthy of one of them some day.


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## JohnA

You are doing the pick me dance with another persons spouse. If you go down this road then shame on you. You get to choose who you are. Are you or are you not a POSM?


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## bandit.45

Your ex-wife was probably telling her affair partner all the same things this woman is telling you. 

How can you know for sure she is telling you the truth about her husband? Have you met him? Have you seen him treat her badly? 

Like the prior poster said: quit being an ass.


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## life.is.pain

ricky15100 said:


> If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you


True statement, says it all


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