# creepy when married...? What does he want? is this considered a friend or a fling?



## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

If you and your former teacher take a coffee in your apartment, lunchtime, and now decided to do it again soon (after some weeks) - what would you think? 

This teacher always hugged you in school in his office - close twoarmed hugs, cheek to cheek. Also placed a hand on your waist as respons when you placed a hand on his shoulder or after hugs. Often he hugs you several times in a row. And he often takes your hand/hands after hugs. Smiling. He did the same thing after the coffee in the apartment - 3 hugs in a row, took hands. 

You share the same interests in specific subjects (that's why you talked so often in his office). He has said several times you're his best student ever, you're not like everyone else etc. Has comment your body like "there's no many gram too much there" smiling. One time in the beginning said you're his soulmate, after a hug. 

You're 19, he's 55+ and married, has adopted young children. 
It's in Sweden, you're both swedish, so hugs etc are really not in the culture. 
You graduated in June, in the apartment was first time you two meet after graduation.


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## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

I would never have anything to do with him again. Ever.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

whattodoskidoo said:


> I would never have anything to do with him again. Ever.


But he didn't do anything more while he was here? That's weird if he wanted something? Is he waiting for me to do something next time?
He might want to talk and be my friend?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What level of school is this? High school or university? I'm assuming not university but want to make sure.

Are you male or female?

Your teacher is a married man with children who want to have sex with you. 

While you might be a good student, your mind is not what is attracting him.

He's an old man. Tell him to go back to his wife and children and to leave you alone.


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## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

He's moving slowly. He'll try things slowly to see how you react. And each time you'll think "well if he wanted something, wouldn't he have made a pass at me?" but it'll be slow so you don't notice. Invite him with his family next time and see how that goes over. lol!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnderssonHT said:


> But he didn't do anything more while he was here? That's weird if he wanted something? Is he waiting for me to do something next time?


He is seducing you. It's part of the game. He well keep complementing you until you fall for him or at least give in to him.

He is hugging you and putting his hands on you as a way to get you used to being touched by him. It's called priming a victim. 

You are probably not the only student he has done this with.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> What level of school is this? High school or university? I'm assuming not university but want to make sure.
> 
> Are you male or female?
> 
> ...


It's high school, I graduated in June, so he's not my teacher anymore. I'm in the University now, but this was high school last term.

No chance he wants to be my friend? He has never kissed me or so. But A LOT of close hugs, as I wrote.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

whattodoskidoo said:


> He's moving slowly. He'll try things slowly to see how you react. And each time you'll think "well if he wanted something, wouldn't he have made a pass at me?" but it'll be slow so you don't notice. Invite him with his family next time and see how that goes over. lol!


Or drop in to his place to meet his wife and children. He'll not be too keen on that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnderssonHT said:


> It's high school, I graduated in June, so he's not my teacher anymore. I'm in the University now, but this was high school last term.
> 
> No chance he wants to be my friend? He has never kissed me or so. But A LOT of close hugs, as I wrote.


If he wanted to be your friend he would treat you like a friend. He would invite you over to dinner at his home, introduce you to his wife and children.

He would invite you to do activates that he likes.

Instead he's treating you like someone he wants sex with.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

whattodoskidoo said:


> He's moving slowly. He'll try things slowly to see how you react. And each time you'll think "well if he wanted something, wouldn't he have made a pass at me?" but it'll be slow so you don't notice. Invite him with his family next time and see how that goes over. lol!


He mentions his family sometimes though, most his children, when we talk randomly. Why does he do that if he's interested?

Ok, he takes it slow, I think so too, what would happen if I did something then? maybe if I kissed him when he hugs, would he turn me down or do more then?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have a crush on him?

Do you find him attractive?

Do you date guys your own age?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnderssonHT said:


> He mentions his family sometimes though, most his children, when we talk randomly. Why does he do that if he's interested?
> 
> Ok, he takes it slow, I think so too, what would happen if I did something then? maybe if I kissed him when he hugs, would he turn me down or do more then?


Do you want to kiss him?


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Do you have a crush on him?
> 
> Do you find him attractive?
> 
> Do you date guys your own age?


Actually I like him, yes. And feel attracted to him. Can't help it. Yes, I have been dating some guys my own age, but never felt as I do with him. Really like him.



EleGirl said:


> Do you want to kiss him?


Yes... if he wants too. But I'm not sure how he sees me.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What would I think? I would think you are actively trying to have an affair with a married man - a man almost old enough to be your grandfather. 

Why would a man that age want a friend your age? Because you have so much in common? Why do you want a lover that age?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnderssonHT said:


> Actually I like him, yes. And feel attracted to him. Can't help it. Yes, I have been dating some guys my own age, but never felt as I do with him. Really like him.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes... if he wants too. But I'm not sure how he sees me.


So you want to have an affair with a married man? You are willing to contribute to the destruction of your family? You are willing to destroy his children's family?

Why do you want to do this?


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Why would a man that age want a friend your age? Because you have so much in common? Why do you want a lover that age?


We do have much in common actually, same interests in history, literature etc. That's why we started to talk in school at first place.

I don't want a lover because of the age, just him.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> So you want to have an affair with a married man? You are willing to contribute to the destruction of your family? You are willing to destroy his children's family?
> 
> Why do you want to do this?


Seems like he wants to... but I could be wrong.
No one needs to know however.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

New thread, but your story sounds really familiar. Came back for more advise huh? Wasn't the other thread something like "what does it mean when my married teacher tries to kiss me"?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Let me tell you something about 55 year old men. Do you know why they like 19 year olds? Because your body is firm, your fact is young.

If you were exactly who you are in personality, intellect, etc... but had the body of a woman his age he could not spent one moment with you.

You are just the only 19 year old right now who is showing him attention. That's how he picked you. He did not pick you because you are special.

He's either an old creep who uses girls your age. So you are on of many that he's done this with. He's a predator in this case.

Or he's an old creep who is in a mid-life crisis and is chasing young tail to make himself (not you) feel better. If this is the case, your involvement with him will most likely destroy his marriage and his life. He's a fool in this case.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

Aunt Ava said:


> New thread, but your story sounds really familiar. Came back for more advise huh? Wasn't the other thread something like "what does it mean when my married teacher tries to kiss me"?


Yes, I wrote here one time before. But that was long ago. Now we're meeting outside school at my place (have meet one time, but has decided to meet again), not as a teacher and student (?), that's not the same thing.

And he hasn't tried to kiss me. He just always hugs a lot and close. That's what I asked about last time, if it's normal a teacher hugs you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnderssonHT said:


> Seems like he wants to... but I could be wrong.
> 
> No one needs to know however.


His wife and children will find out.

What would your parents say when they find out about you having an affair with this married man? If she wife is smart she will tell you parents and everyone else you know that you are a home wrecker. Are you ready for that?

Why do you not care that you will be destroying a family?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

AnderssonHT said:


> Seems like he wants to... but I could be wrong.
> No one needs to know however.


Check out some infidelity sites and you'll see just how devastating this fantasy of yours is to the family of the adulterer. You'll also learn how easy it is to discover evidence of adultery.

This may be a game to you but, rest assured, it is not a game or harmless flirtation to his spouse and children. Grow up.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has he said anything to you about his wife? How does he talk about her?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why in your title, do you ask if "creepy when married?"


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

From RodVin 01/30/2013 her earlier thread. Same advise still applies. 

Please answer this serious. 

In Sweden. I'm female student, 18. Have really the same special interest + talk a lot alone with one of my teachers. He's male, 56, married+adopted children. 

In the last 3 months he has hugged me after every time we've talked alone in his office, door closed. About 2-3 times per week. (raises up and hugs me when I'm about to leave, I answer the hugs. twoarmed hugs, cheeks touches, quite intimate). 

Some of the last times it has been double-hugs - first when I'm about to leave, then after this we say something more and then hug again. 

Other times he has for instance said/done 
*I'm his soulmate (1 time only though, not jokefully. maybe 2 months ago.). 
*Say often I'm his best student, better then him in the subject, his light in the dark(i go in a very messy class), that I enrich him etc. 
*Said I'm like his wife (as reminded him of. jokefully). 
*Wanted us to stay and talk despite the fact that the firealarm at school went on,which we did. 
*some month ago, placed a hand a bit over my hip as respons when I placed a hand on his shoulder when he sat down and I stood up. 
*want us to keep contact after I graduate in June, since he think I'm so nice to talk to.

Is this attraction, flirting, sexual or fatherly and a way to be just very friendly and open? Maybe he just want to help me because I'm so interested in the subject and all? He is a quite open person I would say and friendly to most people. Usually a bit charming.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Has he said anything to you about his wife? How does he talk about her?


He has mention her in random talk. Doesn't say anything special really.

One time said jokefully "you're like my wife" to me, which is weird?
Another time when we sat and read some poetry in his office back in school he said he and his wife used to read and comment these things, but before they had kids.
Has also said that she thinks he's stupid with his big interests in history etc.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

Aunt Ava said:


> From RodVin 01/30/2013 her earlier thread. Same advise still applies.
> 
> Please answer this serious.
> 
> ...


Yes, at that time it really could have been fatherly or friendly. But it's more now, so that's why I asked. And I also wonder now what to do? and if he actually want to cheat on his wife, or if he just wants to flirt?


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

From your dec 18 post:

Re: Male teacher, 55, hugs me and call me soulmate - why?
It makes me feel confused of course, because I don't know his intentions and why he is doing it.. Although I think it is more likely that he is doing it because he is sexually intreseted in me, but it could be just a way to be nice as well.

For example he has said that, if he could, he would hire me as his assisent at work and that I'm very nice etc.

But, to be honest - yes, I'm attracted to him and I like his hugs. How do you think he would react if I kissed him on his cheek after the holidays?

One more thing I feel strange about; one time (about 3-4 weeks ago) when the fire alarm went on at my school and we were in his little room talking I asked if we maybe should go out because of the firealarm, then he said like we didn't need that and that it probably wasn't a real fire and also smiled and said that we could take the way through the window in case of necessity.(his room is at the third floor). Later he received a mail which said it was a real fire so it wasn't like a fire drill and exercise. Kind of strange actually. ?


So it sounds like you really enjoy the attention. I suggest you seek counselling for your "daddy issues" and low self esteem. If you need validation from a 56 year old man you have deeper problems.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

OP,
This man is an old effin creep, plain and simple.
Stop fooling yourself, your attraction to him is not normal.
He abused the power differential when he was your teacher , by treating you * special * knowing fully well the effect it could have on you.
Now he's puttin' down the moves on you, and you _think_ you like it.
If you really did , then why are you asking these questions here?
Listen to your mind and not your heart.
He's an old PERVERT.
Lots of them out there.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Sweetie, you can't possibly be this naive at your age.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

Aunt Ava said:


> So it sounds like you really enjoy the attention. I suggest you seek counselling for your "daddy issues" and low self esteem. If you need validation from a 56 year old man you have deeper problems.


Yes, I like him, so of course I enjoy if he might like me too.
What's so wrong about asking?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnderssonHT said:


> He has mention her in random talk. Doesn't say anything special really.
> 
> One time said jokefully "you're like my wife" to me, which is weird?
> Another time when we sat and read some poetry in his office back in school he said he and his wife used to read and comment these things, but before they had kids.
> Has also said that she thinks he's stupid with his big interests in history etc.


That's what married men do with their affair partners. They take badly about their wives. They complain that she's no fun any more, that she does not show interest in him and the things that he does, and on and on. Often they say a lot worse.

Of course, he's being loving to her. He's lying to her, not spending enough time romancing her, not helping her enough with the children. He's being very selfish.

You seem to have a desire to ruin a family... does it make you feel powerful? does it build your self esteem? 


You sound very immature for your age. Most 19 year old women would know exactly what this old creep is doing. You do too. But you want to play games about it for some reason. You want to pretend that you don't know. I guess that's to help you absolve yourself from the guilt of what you want to do.

When you get married, or are in a committed relationship, do you want your man to treat you this way? Do you want him to go out and find young slvts and ignore you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnderssonHT said:


> Yes, I like him, so of course I enjoy if he might like me too.
> What's so wrong about asking?


You are already having an emotional affair with this man. What's wrong is you having an affair with a married man.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Aunt Ava said:


> Sweetie, you can't possibly be this naive at your age.


You are right, she's not this naïve. That's clear. She's playing a game to appear naïve... now she might just be doing that here to get attention.


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## AnderssonHT (Oct 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You are right, she's not this naïve. That's clear. She's playing a game to appear naïve... now she might just be doing that here to get attention.


Why didn't he do more while he was here then? In school I can understand that he didnt, but now? 

That's what I don't understand. And that's what makes me think he might like me as a friend, or he's taking it slow, want to be sure I want.

Since most of you say he's just taking it slow, maybe wait for me to do something - it might be that way. Who knows.

Thanks anyway.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

For some perspective on the heartbreak infidelity causes read this thread..
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/82450-i-never-saw-coming.html
Or look up a thread by the poster "Miss Molly". Unfortunately, there are several threads from women in marriages of 25-30 years whose husbands have found a sweet young thing to make themselves a fool over. 

Please don't be that girl.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnderssonHT said:


> Why didn't he do more while he was here then? In school I can understand that he didnt, but now?
> 
> That's what I don't understand. And that's what makes me think he might like me as a friend, or he's taking it slow, want to be sure I want.
> 
> ...


He comes to your house to visit you. Does he ever take you anywhere? Or is he avoiding being seen by you in public.

This is another thing that married men do. They hide their affair partner from the world. Do you really want to see a man and have an affair with a man where most of your relationship takes place in your apartment behind close doors? Where he is too embarrassed about you to let the world know about you?


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

This has 'troll' written all over it


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JJG said:


> This has 'troll' written all over it


Forum rules are that we do not mention it on the forum. If you think someone is a troll, report it to the moderator and they will figure it out. 

AT the bottom left of every post is a yield sign with a "!" in it. click on that and report away.


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## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

Anderrson,

You wouldn't want an old man to be your boyfriend. His farts smell bad, he doesn't know how to listen and respect you, he is balding, he doesn't clean the dishes, and he has other interesting people to take care of: his wife and children. 

You deserve better man. A young man with promising future, who knows all the cool stuff, muscled and lean, and fresh without exes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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