# does he really want to break up with me?



## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

hello everyone,

Me and my husband just got married after 9 years in relationship, we always far from each other but every moment if he had vacant he always texted me and called me. We have children and im now pregnant for almost 6months. We had fight in phone because he is far from us. i usually blocked him and not talk to him everytime we having a fight but after a 2-3 days we reconcile. but this this time, he blocked me after a 4 days of fighting for the first time but just for 1 day. So i called and called him and texted him to reconcile and maybe im too much thats why he explode but he said he don't want to talk to me yet because he is scared at me but the love is still there. Then he never answered my many calls and text. So, My feeling is so depressed and I'm thinking maybe he had another woman that's why he ignored all my call and text which he didn't did it before. So, i push myself to move a little and stop calling and texting him for a week, then I received a call from him but he didn't answer and he off the call. its was 5 calls he did, so i decided to call him, maybe because he is ok now but he's he hesitate to talk yet. but again for several calls and text he didn't answer one. And again he called me twice in the next day (3am and 6am). What does it means? He really going to break up with me? what shall i do?


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

You guys are doing a thousand things that destroy relationships. Get a marriage counselor and start talking. The marriage counselor will help you start figuring out which ones to work on first.


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

How old are you ? How can you guys afford to block each other when you both are not staying together due to XYZ reason ? Don't you feel this is being kiddish ? 

Your conflicts starts from blocking. You set a deadline for yourself of being normal within 24 hours even if you fight everyday. 

You getting depressed at your 6th month of pregnancy is quite normal. Such things do happen even you'll get mood swings so thats okay. He should understand what you are going thru at the moment because you are pregnant.

Enjoy the feeling of being pregnant and the wonder of this supernatural world that you are going to give birth to your love.


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

IndianApple said:


> How old are you ? How can you guys afford to block each other when you both are not staying together due to XYZ reason ? Don't you feel this is being kiddish ?
> 
> Your conflicts starts from blocking. You set a deadline for yourself of being normal within 24 hours even if you fight everyday.
> 
> ...



ii admit i had lot of faults also, that's why im putting down my pride now. I'm processing my visa now on my own just to talk to him personally. hope it will be granted. All i want to know if he going to separate with me?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I would say that he didn't answer because he is tired of the fighting, and need a break with time to think.

Only he can answer if he is going to separate from you. Maybe you both would benefit on some individual counseling and some couples counseling.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How many children do you have? Is he their father?

Why have the two of you lived apart all this time? It is very hard to maintain a long distance relationship.

You said that you normally block his calls and do not talk to him for days after a fight. So it sounds like he's decided to treat you in the same manner that you treat him.

None of us know his intent. Perhaps you could write him a message or email and ask him what's going on.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You block your own husband's calls.............

He SHOULD separate. Who knows if he will. Not likely if he's hung in there this long.

I advise counseling for you both. This is no way to have a marriage.


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How many children do you have? Is he their father?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I'm pregnant now with our 2nd baby. We are far from each other because he is a foreigner and he still the process to record our marriage in their country until we got this fight.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Megumi said:


> I'm pregnant now with our 2nd baby. We are far from each other because he is a foreigner and he still the process to record our marriage in their country until we got this fight.


How old is your first child?

I get that he is a foreigner. But why hasn't one of you moved to the other's country so that you can be together as a family?

How often do you see him in person? About how many months a year do the two of you spend together?

Have you ever been to his country and stayed with him for a while? Do you know his family and friends in his country?


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

Our Son is 2 years old. He can't move here because of his job, and I can't move to his country because we just got married last dec and he is on the process to register our marriage in their municipality until this fight of ours came, and I don't know the status if he register it or not. 

For the past more than 8years before marriage he came here twice a year and it just a week he stay with me because of his work. Only once he stayed here for 21 days.

I meet his brother here. I also talk his mother once and his mother recognized me. She even knew my real name. About his friend, he only have a one friend, he is a very private person. Work home, home work, that's his daily routine. I know it because we never lost communication every vacant he had. We always do video calls and texting every now and then. Even going to pee he going to text me, until this fight he change a lot. I cannot blame all the things went this to him because I admit I became to selfies because I knew he loves me so much. But now I don't know what happened. What's his mind. 

I'm so worried if he going to break up with me. 


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Megumi, which country are you in? Which country is he in?


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> @Megumi, which country are you in? Which country is he in?




I'm from Philippines and he is from japan


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have a job? Or does he support you and your child financially?

So you have never visited him in how own country. Is that right?

You say that you are getting a visa so you can visit him. Did you tell him this?


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Do you have a job? Or does he support you and your child financially?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I don't have a job now, I stopped. He supported us financially. 

Yes, I never been there to his country.

I'm applying my tourist visa now together with my son with the help of my brother. I already told him about that but he replied "I told you, you can come here after your delivery". But how can I sat here waiting for him to communicate with me what's really the score is? That's why I want to talk to him personally because I want to fix our marriage, I want to fix my family if it's not too late. 

I'm afraid he going to used to it, with out communicating and the love will fade eventually. That's why I have to go to talk to him. Hope our visa will be granted.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Megumi said:


> I'm from Philippines and he is from japan
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


So, presumably you are at home in the Philippines and he is in Japan?


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> So, presumably you are at home in the Philippines and he is in Japan?




Yes, for the past 9 years I was patiently waiting for him to be together each other. I patiently waiting for 8 years when he going to marry me. After that long waiting it happened but suddenly this happen now. Actually I'm really tired keep on waiting him but I love him that's why I'm still here, still waiting. And now waiting for nothing? I don't know.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to keep all lines of communication with him open.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is there any way that your brother can go with you when go?

Why has your husband not registered your marriage in Japan yet? It's been over 4 months since you got married, right?


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Is there any way that your brother can go with you when go?
> 
> 
> 
> Why has your husband not registered your marriage in Japan yet? It's been over 4 months since you got married, right?



He had lots of works to do and his gf is also pregnant right now.

We waited our marriage contract to be released. And I sent to him early the month of may, but it needs to be translated to Japanese language since it was written in English. 


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> You need to keep all lines of communication with him open.




That's I'm doing right now even I look crazy texting someone who never replied, nor seeing my message. I knew he never block me. But I don't know why he is not going to read my message. I also keep calling him but he never answered it until it stop ringing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Megumi said:


> That's I'm doing right now even I look crazy texting someone who never replied, nor seeing my message. I knew he never block me. But I don't know why he is not going to read my message. I also keep calling him but he never answered it until it stop ringing.


Perhaps he is doing to you, what you did to him.

Did any of your family attend your wedding?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is the citizen status of your son? If you go visit in Japan, can your husband make it so that you cannot take your son back to the Philippines?


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

@EleGirl , yes everyone attended our wedding 


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

@EleGirl he is Filipino, coz same as our marriage my son still not registered in their municipality. And I don't want my son will separate me.


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

He going to break up with me? I need some opinion. Do I still keep on texting him?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Megumi said:


> @EleGirl he is Filipino, coz same as our marriage my son still not registered in their municipality. And I don't want my son will separate me.


Since your son does not live in Japan, there would be no need to register him in Japan.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Megumi said:


> He going to break up with me? I need some opinion. Do I still keep on texting him?


No one here knows if he is going to break up with you. Only he knows what he is thinking.

I do think that you need to stop texting him. I think you should send him a text something like this:


_Clearly you are upset since you will not talk to me. I’ve tried reaching out to you and I get silence. I love you. I am sorry for my contribution to our problems. I would like a chance to work with you to fix our marriage. I love you so much. This really hurts. Please call me so we can talk._​
Then leave it at that. Do no contact for a week. After a week. Send another similar text. Then wait a week. One a week, that’s it. That way you remind him that you ready to talk.

Crying, begging, pleading, etc. is very unattractive. It will help to chase him away. 

If he wants to know about how his son is doing or how your pregnancy is going with his child, he will just need to contact you. My bet is that if you quit pursuing him, he will contact you.

And then you need to get busy doing things that are good for you and your children. I know it’s hard but focus on yourself and your children.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Megumi said:


> ii admit i had lot of faults also, that's why im putting down my pride now. I'm processing my visa now on my own just to talk to him personally. hope it will be granted. All i want to know if he going to separate with me?


Megumi,
We dont know what he is thinking no more that you.

1. Stop calling him and take a break from the chaos
2. How many kids and ages?
3. Which country are you in and going to?
4. Why are you always fighting?
5. How well do you know each other, was it always long distance?
6. Why did you get married to him? 
7. If you are not getting on well, why are you making plans to move to his country, that will not make things better.
8. Have you met his family?
9. YOu should only communicate via email, draft then wait before sending, that way you will not fight.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to also check with a lawyer to see how you could protect the best interests of your children and you should this prove to be necessary.


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> You need to also check with a lawyer to see how you could protect the best interests of your children and you should this prove to be necessary.




That's also one of my purpose to go to japan. If every we cannot fix our relationship, at least he will support our children. In japan, once he did not registered his son on his family registry, there is no way I can go for a support for his children here in the Philippines because we had different law. Once our visa will approve, I'm bringing all my authenticated documents to prove that he have a children with and we are married. And I will to their consulate/embassy to ask help on what I'm going to do, that is if really not showing up when we get there. Going to japan is my last try to fix our marriage. If nothing good happen then I will move on for the better. But I'm keep on praying that he will be show up and settle our problems.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long ago was the last time you spoke to him?


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How long ago was the last time you spoke to him?




It's about a month now


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Megumi said:


> It's about a month now


A month is a long time. 

What was the longest time that perfused to talk to him after an argument?


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> A month is a long time.
> 
> 
> 
> What was the longest time that perfused to talk to him after an argument?




3 days, but in our 9 years of relationship. We once broke up for a month but he came here to talk to me, but that case he frankly said to me that we going to separate, but after he knew that I'm chatting with someone he begun to approach me and he said , he only said we are going to separate for awhile, but I never heard he said for awhile. That time we just 2 years in relationship. And I don't do any begging or sorry senario. I just cry for a day then I moved on. But this time is different because I value our marriage and of course we already had a children so I must fight for it


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Megumi said:


> 3 days, but in our 9 years of relationship. We once broke up for a month but he came here to talk to me, but that case he frankly said to me that we going to separate, but after he knew that I'm chatting with someone he begun to approach me and he said , he only said we are going to separate for awhile, but I never heard he said for awhile. That time we just 2 years in relationship. And I don't do any begging or sorry senario. I just cry for a day then I moved on. But this time is different because I value our marriage and of course we already had a children so I must fight for it.


Yes, now that you are married with one child and one on the way, yes it is different.

What gets me is that he apparently has not even tried to find out how his child is for a month. Plus, you are pregnant. It’s bad enough that you are left to raise your son on your own. Now you are doing a pregnancy and raising your son on your own. 

Not good of him at all.


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, now that you are married with one child and one on the way, yes it is different.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




He called last Friday 5 times and Saturday morning 2 times, but he never talked, he just hang off after I answered his calls. So I called him again but again he never pick up the phone, it just keep on ringing. I don't know if he is enjoying it keep on calling or not. 


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

what is your H doing in Japan?
Does he have family in the Philippines? If so contact them and let them know what he is doing, get them on your side. Is his family from your province, near?

I assume you also need to change your behavior, why are you always fighting, what were the fights about? money, cheating, other women?

It is highly unusual for a H or father to not contact his family for so long. How much do you actually know this guy? I would do some investigating, how do you know he doesn't have another family or something, I hear it happens in the Philippines when women enter long distance relationships through online relationships. 
If you don't hear from him tell him you assume he is not interested in his family and you will go to see a lawyer to consider divorce.


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

aine said:


> what is your H doing in Japan?
> 
> Does he have family in the Philippines? If so contact them and let them know what he is doing, get them on your side. Is his family from your province, near?
> 
> ...




He have no family here in the Philippines. What I had said we been together for 9 years. We always fight about when he going to fight for our family. When he can make us priority. 

Since he never yet register our marriage there in japan. In japan he is still single. But here in the Philippines there is no divorce, it's annulment and it cost a lot. I know there is no third party when we had fight but now I don't know what keep him busy and he can ignore as for so long.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Megumi said:


> He had lots of works to do and his gf is also pregnant right now.
> 
> We waited our marriage contract to be released. And I sent to him early the month of may, but it needs to be translated to Japanese language since it was written in English.


Oh for Christ's sakes.

Someone has really been taking YOU for a ride. So he's 'married' in the Philippines where he'll never live and frankly doesn't care, and he's 'single' in Japan (and will continue to be single). He's supposedly 'too busy' to take a couple of hours and register his marriage in Japan, but he's not 'too busy' to get his girlfriend pregnant.

Expect to stay in the Philippines where he *wants* you - and your marriage - to stay.



> He called last Friday 5 times and Saturday morning 2 times, but he never talked, he just hang off after I answered his calls. So I called him again but again he never pick up the phone, it just keep on ringing. I don't know if he is enjoying it keep on calling or not.


That was probably his pregnant girlfriend who found your number on his phone and kept calling to try to figure out who you are.

This guy is some piece of work.


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## Megumi (May 7, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Oh for Christ's sakes.
> 
> Someone has really been taking YOU for a ride. So he's 'married' in the Philippines where he'll never live and frankly doesn't care, and he's 'single' in Japan (and will continue to be single). He's supposedly 'too busy' to take a couple of hours and register his marriage in Japan, but he's not 'too busy' to get his girlfriend pregnant.
> 
> ...




I'm the one who is pregnant now. He has no girlfriend. 

I'm talking about my brother who is his gf is pregnant right now also, coz someone ask me if my brother can join me to go to japan


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Megumi said:


> I'm the one who is pregnant now. He has no girlfriend.
> 
> I'm talking about my brother who is his gf is pregnant right now also, coz someone ask me if my brother can join me to go to japan


Oh I'm sorry - it was written differently and led me to believe your husband's girlfriend was pregnant. Yikes! :grin2:


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