# Do passive aggressives ever recover?



## ChrisM (Jul 14, 2012)

Does anyone personally know of a passive aggressive person who was healed and stopped passive aggressive behavior?

Or is it incurable?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

It's just a behavior. Behavior is fixable.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Of course its fixable. I agree with Drover it's just a behavior and that can be changed.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I believe it's a learned behaviour and, as such, if the person becomes aware of it they can learn a more positive way of communicating with others.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

The bigger issue is , the person themselves have to want to change and to take the steps to amend their behaviors.

Does this person see herself/himself as passive aggressive? Or do they think they have normal behavior & the spouse is just complaining about it?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

To tell the truth, I have been sitting here thinking who I know that is not even a little passive aggressive. I can't think of anyone. I know that some take it to the extreme. Hope things work out for you.


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## ChrisM (Jul 14, 2012)

The question was not theoretical.

Do you personally know anyone who was seriously passive aggressive who recovered -- maybe continues to struggle against the tendencies, but who now usually succeeds in acting in non-PA ways?

Perhaps there are bits of PA in many people, but I am talking about someone DEFINED by this disorder/character trait/behavior pattern. Someone whose life -- whose daily life -- is/has been profoundly, negatively ruled by this. Who cannot even attain/keep the things he/she wants because of this -- jobs, relationships, health, etc. all sacrificed because of a PA pattern.

Does anyone know of anyone like that who has healed?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

PA is most certainly on a spectrum and all of us are capable of it. At the extreme it is considered a personality disorder Passive.

Is passive–aggressive personality disorder curable? The litmus test is will they test themselves, go see a psychiatrist, do they think they have a problem etc. I think people who have a personality disorder think everyone else has a problem, not themselves. They just don’t know, can’t imagine any other way of “being”.

For sure if they don’t think they have a problem they’ll never be “cured”. This is the same with all personality disorders.

If they do accept they have a problem, then again like all personality disorders it’s their cognitive processes which let them down. They “think the wrong way” so to speak. So the cure is cognitive behavioural therapy which, in essence teaches them how to process and respond to external events in new and healthier ways.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

What exactly is passive aggressive behavior? Give me some examples...


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Yes, I do know someone who went from passive aggressive to healthy assertive. 

Passive aggression is often a learned behaviour, and as such it can be unlearned.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I've often wondered this myself. I think most passive/aggressives think of themselves as victims. Once someone becomes aware of their behavior and perspective they can change it. I think their initial reaction to a given situation will always be "I'm a victim" because it's what they learned as children. If they retrain themselves to identify their behavior they can manage to overcome their instincts to the external world.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I wonder if I'm passive aggressive.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

alphaomega said:


> Yes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you have a tremendous capability of helping others to understand these things, just like you did me. Have you thought about opening a topic that can be used for discussion and referred to?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Enginerd said:


> I've often wondered this myself. I think most passive/aggressives think of themselves as victims. Once someone becomes aware of their behavior and perspective they can change it. I think their initial reaction to a given situation will always be "I'm a victim" because it's what they learned as children. If they retrain themselves to identify their behavior they can manage to overcome their instincts to the external world.


I found it was almost impossible for me to understand the inner workings of my passive aggressive wife. Don’t get me wrong, she had many fabulous qualities and she brought a lot of joy and happiness into my life. But she also on occasion deeply wounded me with her passive aggression and the last time was one time too many. And it was never going to happen again, boundaries didn’t work with her and the only way to ensure it was to turn my loving actions off, to withdraw my love from her and separate.

But yes. I am certain that they look to themselves as a victim first, almost like they are paranoid and because of that they get things very wrong. And because they get things wrong, they delude themselves. And they keep it all in and “plan their revenge” with a covert act of aggression. And they deeply wound with that act of aggression but nobody knows it was deliberate or it was they who carried it such is its covert nature. It’s truly mind fecking stuff.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

DayDream said:


> I wonder if I'm passive aggressive.


Google passive aggressive test, see what happens. It may the beginning of a very rewarding journey for you.


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## ChrisM (Jul 14, 2012)

@alphaomega and cosmos:
Can you give some details about how the healing took place?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

ChrisM said:


> @alphaomega and cosmos:
> Can you give some details about how the healing took place?


By raising one's self-esteem and learning to be more assertive. This can either be done in counseling or studying some good self-help material. The following link contains some good information:-

Passive Aggressive Behaviour Counselling


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

DayDream said:


> What exactly is passive aggressive behavior? Give me some examples...


Hmm... PA is like "punishing" someone behind their back - covertly, and many times they're not even aware of it. It's often an issue of control/acting out resentment.

Think of the spouse who withholds sex from their SO, but M's regularly.

Think of the spouse who doesn't "want" to clean, so when they do, they do it half-assed.

Think of the person who is all smiles and cheery to your face, but whom you find out later is talking about you and others' behind their backs - and isn't saying very nice things.

Think about the partner who says they want to go eat out, but then disregards every suggestion you make as to where to go.

My husband is a passive aggressive and it SUCKS. He refuses to be direct with what he wants and needs, therefore I feel like I'm always playing a game of hide and seek with his true intentions.

I'm not aware of any passive aggressives who became assertive after discovering what they were doing. I suppose it can be done, but they'd really have to want it for themselves...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No. It's an affect of paranoia.


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