# Clear Feedback.. Especially from men - I am a wife of a husband who wants to separate



## purple_haze (Aug 14, 2015)

Hi everyone, 

I will try to be as brief with this introduction as possible. First some background.. Married 5 years, together for 12. We have a 10 year old daughter. 

My husband and I started having issues about 4 years back. He had alot of "online" affairs. (you know, the ones that he claims never got physical - but for us women, the attachment is worse..) I caught him sexting about 5 different women. 2 of which he said that he met up with but never did anything at all, physical... When I approached him with it, he was calloused. He said that he didn't understand why he couldn't have these things on the side, shut his phone down and come home to his real life. He told these women that he wished I were like them, he compliments them, etc. Told them that it's no wonder that their men don't want them with anyone else....and in the same breath, says that he'd love to see me with another man.... He still doesn't understand why that was so hurtful... 
After the last woman (that he began to develop feelings for), I had my own affair. Needless to say, he didn't know what to do with himself, wanted a divorce, etc. 

Now here we are, a few years later. We've had our share of ups and downs. He tells me that he's leaving, then he doesn't. Then we get stuck in this toxic cycle... It's horrendous. 

He told me that he is leaving at the end of the month. But he hasn't done anything to do so. I told him a few months back that if he kept telling me that, at some point - I am going to WANT him to leave... 
and now, this is where I find myself.............

I love my husband but I know that I'm no longer in love with him and I don't want this marriage anymore.. Not like this........... 

Am I crazy for feeling this way??? I don't know what to think of this. :crying:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ugh.

Just divorce already.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

No, you are not crazy for feeling the way that you do. Emotionally there is a great divide between the two of you. I would call his contact emotional affairs and he isn't remorseful in the least. You had an affair yourself and state you are not in love with him. The best situation would be a divorce in my opinion. Best of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

I agree with Gus, Time to call it a day and divorce.. it will do you both good... x1 divorce


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If you both still love each other, then get into marriage counseling and see if you can save it. You both strayed, but I would say he is the bigger hypocrite. He sounds like a sex addict to me.

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater until you have exhausted about five or so MC sessions. See if it helps. If not, THEN divorce. At least you can tell your kids you guys tried to save it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> If you both still love each other, then get into marriage counseling and see if you can save it. You both strayed, but I would say he is the bigger hypocrite. He sounds like a sex addict to me.
> 
> Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater until you have exhausted about five or so MC sessions. See if it helps. If not, THEN divorce. At least you can tell your kids you guys tried to save it.


:scratchhead:

bandit, have you been hacked...?


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## DrRock (Jul 9, 2015)

Perhaps he is trying to get you to do something...and by threatning to leave he hopes you will change something to make him happy.
Call his bluff, he says he will leave, you are clearly no longer happy with him, let him leave.

If you want him to leave.

Next week, bring it back up. Ask him when he will be gone and what the plan will be.
Make him either follow through or talk about why this happened again.

Either way you both need to confront e problem or follow through with the solution (seperation).

Sorry to hear


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your marriage has totally broken down and you are in a cycle of destruction. His behaviour and lack of remorse over the emotional affairs is dispicable. Your response due to your hurt was wrong though understandable. Unless you are both willing to work on communication and meeting each other half way nothing will work. It sounds like your husband doesn't care tbh. I would suggest doing the 180, emotionally detach and file for divorce. If that changes your husbands behaviour then you might try MC.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> bandit, have you been hacked...?


The playing field is level. They both cheated. She can't take the high road so she might as well try MC.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> The playing field is level. They both cheated. She can't take the high road so she might as well try MC.


I dunno, man... all I see is a big ol' bag of "broken".


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
As adults we often are faced with circumstances that we find difficult. Life is not easy when you are mature. So, you and your H made a commitment to one another and took a solemn vow to that effect. Is your word of any value? Is his?

The easy thing to do is for you both to continue to act as children and continue having As and fighting with one another. Our you could both try to grow up and face life as adults. Your H needs to get offline and show a little self control and respect for you. He married you and that carries responsibility.

You need to approach him from the standpoint that he either get it together and contribute to this marriage or decide to spend the rest of his life chasing online romance like a 13 year old hormone riddled adolescent. The sad part here is that he may not be acting, he may have the mentality of a 13 yo in which case there is very little you can do but to move on and find someone more mature and ready for an adult relationship. An A of your own is never the answer.

If that turns out to be the case, then I suggest that you be a little more selective when choosing your next mate thereby raising the probability that you will not have to post here again. I wish you good fortune.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

purple_haze said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I will try to be as brief with this introduction as possible. First some background.. Married 5 years, together for 12. We have a 10 year old daughter.
> 
> ...


*In a word, "No!"

And inasfar as his constant reverbalization to you about his leaving, just tell him to "crap or get off of the pot," and "to not let the front door hit him squarely in his a$$ on the way out!"

Get yourself to a good lawyer and file yesterday!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

He is too lazy to divorce you...

Seems like a creature of habit to me. Sorry, you will have to man up and serve this pansy the papers if you want to get anywhere in life and love.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

file for a legal separation and separate. See if he pursues you. If he doesn't, then you know you did the right thing by separating.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Too much damage here IMO.

I agree with bandit that your H sounds like he had some type of obsession....he is definitely a serial cheater and I would doubt his story that these were just emotional/online fantasy A's since he actually met at least two of them from what you say.

I know part of his A fantasies involved telling these POSOW that he wanted you to be with other men, but I think the way he reacted to your RA shows the lie of that....now he hypocritically can't get over you giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Your best option is to file for D.....he is a hypocritical serial cheat....there is nothing here to save as far as I can see.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

That online stuff is b.s. It ruined my marriage (my ex did it). She had NO REMORSE. NEVER HAS.
It was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I totally blame the emotional online affairs. To say you can just put the phone down and go back to "real life" is total b.s. If that were true, he wouldn't have "met up" with two of them. He sexts online and meets up and doesn't have sex? Come on, you're not that naive, are you? If he didn't it's because one or the other wasn't attracted to the other after seeing the other in person.
Broken marriage. Why do you ask? Because he has no remorse. I agree with separation and see how bad he wants to fix it, or even if he WANTS to fix it.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> That online stuff is b.s. It ruined my marriage (my ex did it). She had NO REMORSE. NEVER HAS.
> It was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I totally blame the emotional online affairs. To say you can just put the phone down and go back to "real life" is total b.s. If that were true, he wouldn't have "met up" with two of them. He sexts online and meets up and doesn't have sex? Come on, you're not that naive, are you? If he didn't it's because one or the other wasn't attracted to the other after seeing the other in person.
> Broken marriage. Why do you ask? Because he has no remorse. I agree with separation and see how bad he wants to fix it, or even if he WANTS to fix it.


I don't see the point in seeing if her husband wants to fix the marriage. He is a serial cheater with no remorse. There's no turning back from that.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Geez. Yeah, sounds like you two need to move on.


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