# Counselor skilled at teaching relationship skills?



## david_h15

My wife wants out and has made a mention of wanting to file dissolution papers this fall. Although our situation of her wanting out has been going on for a little while, she finally admitted to me that the reason she wants out is because I can't meet some of her needs, mainly emotional ones. She considers me "emotionally cold" and realizes that probably is a result of my upbringing. She also said she doesn't want to have to teach me these things. Does anyone have any recommendations for a very good therapist to teach relationship skills ? I know it'll take some time and practice but I was thinking an intensive or weekend retreat may be best. A few I found online are 1) a 2 day intensive with Michele Weiner-Davis, 2) a 3 day retreat with John Grey, 3) Marriage Quest (a 3 day retreat in VT), 4) a 2 day intensive at the Woodsfellow Institute in Atlanta. Has anyone went to any of these? Does anyone have any recommendations? I figured seeing a therapist and then attending a PAIRS seminar would really help me to grow. My wife is supportive of me doing this and has said she'd go along and help me out and maybe learn a few things as well. Any advice one can provide is greatly appreciated.
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## OrganicGrl

Hi David.. Where do you live? I live in the Atlanta area and I have known many couples attending Woodsfellow Institute and it has changed their marriage for the better. One couple went 2 years ago and their marriage is very strong. I think with Woodsfellow you will have to go as a couple. They don't counsel just one party.


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## Wildflower3

I would look into a weekend Imago workshop. My husband and I are separated and we both felt GREAT after. I mean, we aren't together right now, but we are working on it and continuing what we learned. We continue to see an Imago therapist, but are switching to an EFT therapist short term while continuing Imago on our own. 

Also look into Hold Me Tight workshops and Gottman Institute workshops. Gottman is a leading researcher in marriage. Those are supposed to be great too. Here is the link to an article about EFT... 

Social Work Today - Emotionally Focused Therapy With Couples — The Social Work Connection


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## sharonND

I tried a Gottman trained therapist and the therapist started off strong but it turned into regular counseling so I cannot say gottman trained therapists-or more specifically the one i went to had any positive help on my marriage. Regular therapy means you go there and complain for an hour then go home and hate each other, lol.


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## bs193

Although the above post may have been a joke, I just wanted to point out that therapy should not be an hour of complaining, and if it is, fire your therapist.

That said, back to our regularly scheduled program....

My guess is you are not emotionally cold and are more than capable of meeting your wife's needs. Chances are she felt you met them just fine early in the relationship, but people become complacent over time. Counseling can help but be prepared to put in the time and effort, in and out of therapy. IMO, it will not work if your wife continues to think the problem is just with you. It is not and she has just as much to learn. If she feels you are not meeting her needs, she needs to accept some responsibility for not conveying those needs to you. I don't mean to have you two point fingers. You both are equally responsible for where your marriage is now, and because of this blame cancels itself out.

My suggestion would be to read The Five Love Languages together. Read a chapter then pick an evening to discuss it. It really helps to explain how we communicate our needs differently and how we need to understand the other person. 

Therapy can help too but I would be cautious about a weekend seminar. I fear too many people view them as a quick fix, as if they are going to change who you are in a couple days. People attend them with high expectations but after its over, and the behaviors continue, they then feel the marriage is just hopeless. I think as long as you see them as just a start on a long road to recovery, then go for it if that is what the two of you want to do, but please don't expect to come back a new you, and remember it isn't just you that has something to learn from it.


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## bs193

....and once again I help to dig up old threads. Sorry for my part.


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