# I think cheating might help



## Michele (Jul 31, 2012)

I will make this as simple as possible... I have been in a relationship for about 5 years the guy is not even close to the type I use to date, he is a nerd but I love his qualities I am not really physically attracted to him and he is not very experienced in the sack and gets all nervous and then loses it... So I have been having vivid dreams about the hot guys I use to hook up with and how good the sex was... I want to cheat but I swore I would never be that way... is sex that important? I have talked to him about the amount of sex and quality of sex we have and it seemed to have made it worse. Before him the sex I would have was a 10 hot and passionate... the sex with him is a 2 at best I have to do all the work... this is the only thing wrong in the relationship everything else is perfect. I am a fairly attractive female so I am use to guys being all over me, and I miss that. my vibrator is not doing the trick any more.... if i cheat it will fix the need and if he never knows what will it hurt? help am I a horrible person? I love him but the sex wont get get better...


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

relationship? so you aren't married.
leave him. do him a favor.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If you are a fairly attractive hot girl, why did you settle for him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HereWithoutYou (Jul 26, 2012)

Leave him. Don't cheat on the poor guy.


I feel bad for him. Have enough respect for him to break up with him before hooking up with someone else.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Instead of cheating ask for another male to join you? That way it'll be with his permission and you'll enjoy the hawt sex!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> help am I a horrible person?


Well, cheating _is _a horrible thing to do to someone.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

lol what a joke

what i said early i still stand by




Goldmember357 said:


> my hope for humanity only shrinks when i come to this forum.


:iagree:

seeing a post like this just makes me realize we are doomed. 


:lol:


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

HereWithoutYou said:


> Leave him. Don't cheat on the poor guy.
> 
> 
> I feel bad for him. Have enough respect for him to break up with him before hooking up with someone else.


Human beings are born good but are corrupted by the world. If you believe in a god its safe to that the devil rules the earth and all but few are truly good. 

If you dont believe in a god could you not come to a conclusion based on the decrease of smart offspring that unless the overwhelming number of lower intelligent beings are dealt with that we are bound to destroy ourselves? 


we are doomed 

Humans will destroy themselves before they can ever reach a type 2 civilization. I would not be surprised if we kill ourselves before type 1!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you cheat he will find out sooner or later.

Yes sex is extremely important part of a relationship. Look at where your mind is going because you are not really attracted to him.

Leave him and go find a man who you have passion with.

And by doing this you release him to find someone who can love him the way he deserved to be loved.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

keko said:


> If you are a fairly attractive hot girl, why did you settle for him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One guess....MONEY.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Omg I agree gold. OP either make an effort to teach him or just leave him. Cheating is highly disrespectful and its a form of betrayal. Things like that will always come back to bite you in the arse wether its the next day or years later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Michele said:


> I will make this as simple as possible... I have been in a relationship for about 5 years the guy is not even close to the type I use to date, he is a nerd but I love his qualities I am not really physically attracted to him and he is not very experienced in the sack and gets all nervous and then loses it... So I have been having vivid dreams about the hot guys I use to hook up with and how good the sex was... I want to cheat but I swore I would never be that way... is sex that important? I have talked to him about the amount of sex and quality of sex we have and it seemed to have made it worse. Before him the sex I would have was a 10 hot and passionate... the sex with him is a 2 at best I have to do all the work... this is the only thing wrong in the relationship everything else is perfect. I am a fairly attractive female so I am use to guys being all over me, and I miss that. my vibrator is not doing the trick any more.... if i cheat it will fix the need and if he never knows what will it hurt? help am I a horrible person? I love him but the sex wont get get better...


You don't really love him and anytime someone suggests doing something like this it usually means they have a real self esteem issue. Let this guy go and go find someone who you will not cheat on.

You will both be the better for it.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

you have mentally checked out of the relationship.
Ele gave great advice just now. 

Take it!


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

This is all about money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MadeInMichigan said:


> This is all about money.


Sadly... most likely.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

Don't waste your breath guys. At best, this is a troll, at worse, this young lady is beyond help. The most you'll get is an argument.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Or take him in hand and teach him to be a fantastic lover. He's a blank slate so you don't have to undo sone otther woman's mistakes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sweetpea (Jan 30, 2007)

Posters!

Please don't post on threads unless you have constructive advice for the OP. Stating to OP that she is only out for money doesn't seem respectful towards the her situation. We have seen no evidence of this accusation in this thread This is your warning! 

1. Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect.
Personal attacks


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You sound like you're facing a moral dilemma.You seem to think your wants and needs can only be met by going against your values.Why,when there's more respectful,less painful choices available?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Michele,

You know what the saddest part of your post is? That fact that you don't recognize that long after your looks fade, those "hot" guys won't give you a second look but the "nerd" would probably still view you as the hottest woman on earth.

I think you're destined for a life of lonely, empty physical relationships


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Michele said:


> I will make this as simple as possible... I have been in a relationship for about 5 years the guy is not even close to the type I use to date, he is a nerd but I love his qualities I am not really physically attracted to him and he is not very experienced in the sack and gets all nervous and then loses it... So I have been having vivid dreams about the hot guys I use to hook up with and how good the sex was... I want to cheat but I swore I would never be that way... is sex that important? I have talked to him about the amount of sex and quality of sex we have and it seemed to have made it worse. Before him the sex I would have was a 10 hot and passionate... the sex with him is a 2 at best I have to do all the work... this is the only thing wrong in the relationship everything else is perfect. I am a fairly attractive female so I am use to guys being all over me, and I miss that. my vibrator is not doing the trick any more.... if i cheat it will fix the need and if he never knows what will it hurt? help am I a horrible person? I love him but the sex wont get get better...


Do the right thing and let him go. 

You love this guy because he is stable and likely faithful and you know these other guys who are so hot will likely cheat on you. 

Cheaters typically want their cake and eat it too. 

No relationship will provide everything. 

There will always be a deficit in the relationship. 

You can't have ten relationships to fill all your emotional and physical needs. 

If you can't live with this person the way he is be a good person and set him free, now.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Cheating is NEVER a solution. It is ALWAYS a problem.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Seems to me that if one solution is for you to cheat to get the experience you want, then another solution would be for you to ask him to cheat and come back to you with more and better experience as a lover. Actually, you cheating only solves your problem for a moment. But if he goes out and gets more experience and becomes a better lover for you then it solves your problem long term.

The problem with the above is that, well, he's been with you for 5 years and apparently hasn't improved. Does that mean that he's not trainable? Or does that mean he's got a bad teacher?


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

keko said:


> If you are a fairly attractive hot girl, why did you settle for him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's probably an earner with a steady paycheck.


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## buttersnips (Apr 17, 2012)

Before my marriage ended, I went to a therapist. We talked about how bad things had gotten. The therapist suggested I have an affair. Yes, he did. You know why? If a man has checked out-it's truly one way to get him to notice you, if he doesn't, then woman, you need to leave him.

Good Luck


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## docj (Jun 18, 2009)

Unequally yoked. Dont cheat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

buttersnips said:


> Before my marriage ended, I went to a therapist. We talked about how bad things had gotten. The therapist suggested I have an affair. Yes, he did. You know why? If a man has checked out-it's truly one way to get him to notice you, if he doesn't, then woman, you need to leave him.
> 
> Good Luck


Good lord, that therapist should have their license revoked. What stunningly idiotic advice.


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## Nicole01 (Jul 31, 2012)

Cheating is wrong and there is absolutely nothing that justifies it. There is no excuse in the world making it okay to cheat.

Stick with one person and no other.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Michele said:


> if i cheat it will fix the need and if he never knows what will it hurt?


If you cheat on him it's possible that he won't find out but if you're a "normal" person you'll feel incredible guilt and remorse for deceiving the person you love, and it's going to affect you and the relationship going forward.



Michele said:


> help am I a horrible person? I love him but the sex wont get get better...


In answer to your second question, are you are horrible person? If you cheat, and you don't feel incredible guilt and remorse, then the answer is yes.

Why can't the sex get better? Sex is one of those things that you can improve over time, but you need to make him aware of where he's coming up short.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Paulination said:


> Don't waste your breath guys. At best, this is a troll ...


Thank you, Paul ... struck me exactly as that. OP has not responded to any further posts. Troll? Yeah. Some kid with time on his/her hands during summer vaction, sitting on the computer in their bedroom. Yawn.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> Thank you, Paul ... struck me exactly as that. OP has not responded to any further posts. Troll? Yeah. Some kid with time on his/her hands during summer vaction, sitting on the computer in their bedroom. Yawn.


It hasn't even been 24 hours since the Op first posted.

Is that some sort of rule? If a person doesn't post again on their own thread within 1 day they're automatically a troll?

I don't see that anywhere in the posting guidelines.

All I see on this thread is a moderator requesting that members not post unless they have something constructive to say.

Accusing someone of being a kid with too much time on their hands is not constructive.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Is that some sort of rule? If a person doesn't post again on their own thread within 1 day they're automatically a troll?


It has more to do with the content of the thread i think. Woman coming in a relationship forum called talkaboutmarriage.com asking if cheating might help? Seriously? I think not.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

costa200 said:


> It has more to do with the content of the thread i think. Woman coming in a relationship forum called talkaboutmarriage.com asking if cheating might help? Seriously? I think not.


You could be right but it's a pretty lame topic to troll about. The most you'd get from something like that is a bunch of people saying 'don't do it' or 'if you do it you'll be sorry'. 

Compared to the one about the guy (earlier today- thread nuked by the mods) who said his wife cheated on him with 3 clowns on a circus train and he found pictures including one of a clown finishing off on his wife's face?

That one was classic.

I don't think I'll ever look at a clown the same way again.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

kindi said:


> It hasn't even been 24 hours since the Op first posted.
> 
> Is that some sort of rule? If a person doesn't post again on their own thread within 1 day they're automatically a troll?
> 
> ...


It's common sense. When someone creates a thread they are usually anxious for the feedback and checks often. I beg anyone here who has started a thread to tell me I'm wrong.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Paulination said:


> It's common sense. When someone creates a thread they are usually anxious for the feedback and checks often. I beg anyone here who has started a thread to tell me I'm wrong.


They are "usually" anxious for the feedback and they check often.

That means "sometimes" they aren't anxious for the feedback and sometimes they don't check often. 

Maybe they are checking and reading but choose not to reply. Maybe they have more pressing issues and they haven't been able to get back to the computer?

There's lots of reasons why a person might not post to a thread they started within the first day or two or even longer.

People are way too quick to call "troll" on this forum.

It's pointless and like I said unless it's something really obvious like the one earlier today about "My wife had sex with 3 clowns on a circus train" it's pointless to question the authenticity of a thread. It only feeds the troll and detracts from the purpose of this forum which is to help others, who might benefit from advice offered on a thread started by someone else that might not be "real".


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Sounds like the poor guy has self-esteem issues, and cheating on him won't improve this. You obviously need someone you are more sexually in tune with, and he needs someone to bolster his confidence, rather than destroy it completely by cheating on him.

If you love him do the kindest thing possible for both of you and leave.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

kindi said:


> They are "usually" anxious for the feedback and they check often.
> 
> That means "sometimes" they aren't anxious for the feedback and sometimes they don't check often.
> 
> ...


It's possible she genuinely thought cheating would be a good idea, and was embarrassed after reading the responses. 

Just throwing that out there. But yeah, could be a troll. Or could be busy, but I doubt that someone would be so busy that they wouldn't check within 24 hours.


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

Paulination said:


> It's common sense. When someone creates a thread they are usually anxious for the feedback and checks often. I beg anyone here who has started a thread to tell me I'm wrong.


You're wrong. We don't all live in the US, some of us have lives and can't make it back online for some time. I've started threads where I wasn't able to get back to check for over a day.

This isn't a troll, I'm in a similar situation. She probably hasn't responded because she's being attacked and not getting much constructive feedback.

OP if you don't have kids, leave him, you both deserve to be with someone who makes you completely happy.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Anomnom said:


> You're wrong. We don't all live in the US, some of us have lives and can't make it back online for some time. I've started threads where I wasn't able to get back to check for over a day.
> 
> This isn't a troll, I'm in a similar situation. She probably hasn't responded because she's being attacked and not getting much constructive feedback.
> 
> OP if you don't have kids, leave him, you both deserve to be with someone who makes you completely happy.


What does living in the US have to do with what he posted?


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> What does living in the US have to do with what he posted?


If you live outside the US then your internet is a day behind everyone else's. That would in fact explain the 24 hour posting lag by the Op.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Troll?


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> What does living in the US have to do with what he posted?


As kindi said, time difference..day vs night..working etc


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Anomnom said:


> As kindi said, time difference..day vs night..working etc


i understand that. im just not following the comment behind it that says some of us have lives?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kindi said:


> You could be right but it's a pretty lame topic to troll about. The most you'd get from something like that is a bunch of people saying 'don't do it' or 'if you do it you'll be sorry'.
> 
> Compared to the one about the guy (earlier today- thread nuked by the mods) who said his wife cheated on him with 3 clowns on a circus train and he found pictures including one of a clown finishing off on his wife's face?
> 
> ...


But she was just clowning around! :rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Anomnom said:


> You're wrong. We don't all live in the US, some of us have lives and can't make it back online for some time. I've started threads where I wasn't able to get back to check for over a day.
> 
> This isn't a troll, I'm in a similar situation. *She probably hasn't responded because she's being attacked and not getting much constructive feedback.*
> 
> OP if you don't have kids, leave him, you both deserve to be with someone who makes you completely happy.


This happens quite often on TAM :scratchhead:


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You could try to find a good sex therapist. But do not cheat--risky for health reasons and morally wrong. 

Leave him if you cannot resolve the bedroom issues. It's taking the high road, really, b/c it frees you both from something that is doomed to fail.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> i understand that. im just not following the comment behind it that says some of us have lives?


I got that one too.

Even though some of us do live in the US and are not affected by the 24 hour internet lag we may still not get back to posting on a thread we started because we have lives, as in, we have other activities to occupy our time besides posting on internet discussion boards, such as jobs, child care, doctors and lawyers appointments, household responsibilities, and even leisure activities such as reading books or seeing bad movies full of plot holes such as Batman the Dark Knight Rises.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

kindi said:


> I got that one too.
> 
> Even though some of us do live in the US and are not affected by the 24 hour internet lag we may still not get back to posting on a thread we started because we have lives, as in, we have other activities to occupy our time besides posting on internet discussion boards, such as jobs, child care, doctors and lawyers appointments, household responsibilities, and even leisure activities such as reading books or seeing bad movies full of plot holes such as Batman the Dark Knight Rises.


Well sense you put it so nicely, i will forget that it was originally meant as an insult.
If it wasnt, then thats not how it was taken.
Its how it was written.

Everyone chooses to spend their free time differently, so i will leave it with mentioning that we all have different intrests at different times of the day.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

kindi said:


> They are "usually" anxious for the feedback and they check often.
> 
> That means "sometimes" they aren't anxious for the feedback and sometimes they don't check often.
> 
> ...


Whatever Kindi, go ahead and spend your energy dealing with this hot mess but I'm calling troll. I guess we'll find out.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Paulination said:


> Whatever Kindi, go ahead and spend your energy dealing with this hot mess but I'm calling troll. I guess we'll find out.


Odds are you probably won't. 

Whether the Op posts again or not won't necessarily answer that question, like I said earlier unless it's an obvious troll like the one about 'My wife screwed 3 circus clowns on a train' and you see it suddenly get vaporized, there's really no way to tell fact from fiction.

Which is why it's a shame that threads like this one which could go either way, and can help people who read them regardless of their factualness are derailed by off topic posts calling it a troll.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Ahem.

Getting back to the original point of this thread before it becomes completely derailed...

I'm going to divert from most of the other advice here. Instead of leaving him for someone more passionate (because passion is fleeting), if Michele truly love this guy, then she should help him up his game, not leave him. She said that she had talked to him about this, but I didn't get the impression they had actually done anything to address the problem. If she doesn't connect with him emotionally, that's one thing. But sex is as much a skill as it is anything else, and a skill can be learned. Therefore, a skill can be taught. If the boyfriend isn't the ideal man in bed, then make him into that. If he's just not that good in bed, tell him where and how he can improve, and what you'd like to see him try. If it's a lack of passion, there are literally dozens of books out there focusing on how to improve intimacy. There are even porn videos that focus more on passion and intimacy than they do about sex.

What I'm saying is that with a little research, a little open communication and a little patience, this is a problem that can be rectified comparatively easily.

BTW... Trolls by their nature don't post once and disappear. They want the attention, so they'll keep coming back until they piss off enough people and get banned.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Michele said:


> I will make this as simple as possible... I have been in a relationship for about 5 years the guy is not even close to the type I use to date, he is a nerd but I love his qualities I am not really physically attracted to him and he is not very experienced in the sack and gets all nervous and then loses it... So I have been having vivid dreams about the hot guys I use to hook up with and how good the sex was... I want to cheat but I swore I would never be that way... is sex that important? I have talked to him about the amount of sex and quality of sex we have and it seemed to have made it worse. Before him the sex I would have was a 10 hot and passionate... the sex with him is a 2 at best I have to do all the work... this is the only thing wrong in the relationship everything else is perfect. I am a fairly attractive female so I am use to guys being all over me, and I miss that. my vibrator is not doing the trick any more.... if i cheat it will fix the need and if he never knows what will it hurt? help am I a horrible person? I love him but the sex wont get get better...


I haven't read the replies others have made, but the problem with your relationship isn't the sex. It's the fact that you're willing to risk CRUSHING your partner's emotional well-being. 

You said, "I want to cheat but I swore I would never be that way... is sex that important?" I'd turn that question around on you. Is sex important enough to YOU to betray your partner and damage his well-being, all for an orgasm now and then? 

Yeah, if you go there, I wouldn't be thinking you're a _good_ person.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Call 2-3 of your hot girlfriends and develop a well-thought-out plan (with a flowchart) to train him on-site (in your own bed).

He will like it.

Yes, cheating will solve your problem, but only if you have female friends that are hot and patient enough. Make sure they're fully shaved and smell good.

You can treat yourself to a nice chair by the bed if you find standing and watching too tiring.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Synthetic!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

kindi said:


> Which is why it's a shame that threads like this one which could go either way, and can help people who read them regardless of their factualness* are derailed by off topic posts *calling it a troll.


Yeah, kind of like you coming up with a myriad of reasons as to why the OP may not be a troll .... And you addressed the OP's issues with what response? I must have missed that ... guess I missed it after the repeated comments about the clowns.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> Yeah, kind of like you coming up with a myriad of reasons as to why the OP may not be a troll .... And you addressed the OP's issues with what response? I must have missed that ... guess I missed it after the repeated comments about the clowns.


I gave my usual great advice on post #29 of this thread.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

kindi said:


> I gave my usual great advice on post #29 of this thread.


If nothin' else, I give you credit for having [email protected]! "Usual" great advice. Tush, tush, m'dear. None of us here could be considered among the stellar "greats" of advice-giving!:rofl::rofl:


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> If nothin' else, I give you credit for having [email protected]! "Usual" great advice. Tush, tush, m'dear. None of us here could be considered among the stellar "greats" of advice-giving!:rofl::rofl:


I respectfully disagree. Considering the claptrap dispensed by your average licensed therapist, I think many of the regulars on these relationship boards have a lot more useful advice to offer and of course I include myself in that group.

As I hit "reply" after composing yet another excellent, well written post, I often think to myself "why do I not charge for this?"


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

OK. I apologize for asking if the OP might be a troll.
She states: "I think cheating might help."
Perhaps she is correct. It likely will help her. It may help her "nerd" husband once he becomes aware of it. He will be able to give her the freedom to do anything she wishes and he can move on to a better choice for a companion should he wish to have another.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

You will know. Never do anything that could leave you with guilt. Life is too short for that. Live honorably and you will have no regrets.


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