# Swing or not Swing



## Flo1967 (Feb 9, 2011)

Good afternoon all. I have a question for everyone. My wife and I have a outstanding sex life almost everyday and at times on the weekend twice a day. Sex with (420) is behind OUTSTANDING and leaves us wore out. This is the second marriage for both of us but she had a longer single life after the previous marriage then I did. While she was single I believe she did almost everything a FREE SINGLE WOMAN could do and enjoyed adult life style. Me on the other hand had my fair share of adult fun but being in the military FWD deployed a lot I didn't keep up... We spoke about things she has done in the pass and I told her that I'm really interested in doing some of those thing together (swing club, parties, etc) from time to time to add more to what we already have. When I bring it up she says that she doesn't want to "mess up or take away" what we have that is special. I told her that what we do is make love and this would be more of a "physical" thing. Not sure if any of this is making sense. Are there some females out there that can give me their take on this? Should I push a bit more or let things be? Males your take as well would be helpful.
:smthumbup:


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Bud, it sounds like you have it good. Why mess with it. You've been married once, why take the risk. She's not into and would be doing it under duress.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Your wife is sending you a clear message, and saying no.

You are being very disrespectful by pushing the issue.

She married you because she is committed to you, and you are supposed to be committed to her. 

I have never seen or heard of swinging truly enriching a relationship, as how does adding a third party bring people closer together? It is just a way to have your cake and eat it too. 

My belief is that if you push the issue she will be resentful and feel you do not love her, do not find her attractive enough and do not care about her feelings. And IMO she would be right.


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## Flo1967 (Feb 9, 2011)

Thanks for the feedback


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

No worries.


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

I am sorry I just can't seem to understand who would share their wife w/ another man. How could you ever give her oral knowing another man was just there? How could you watch her w/ another man and still respect her? You are giving her up, selling her so you can have another woman, have you talked to a therapist and asked the questions "what kind of mental damage would I do to my wife if I made her become a swinger?"
I'm not being harsh, I just don't think you have any idea the damage you could cause.
Mouse


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## Dayhiker (Mar 5, 2011)

Since she is not on board with this I would drop it. This is risky to a relationship even where both partners are interested. It has the potential to draw you two closer together or blow up your marriage. It sounds like you've got a good thing there so why take a chance with it.


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## TwyztedChyck (Sep 11, 2010)

In my last marriage we tried swinging. We talked about it for months, toying with the idea, weighing the pros and cons, etc. Finally we decided to try it with some stipulations in place. Such as, we both had to agree on the partner choices, and if we couldn't agree on who we swung with, we didn't do it. We agreed to tell each other everything, no secrets. Neither of us have jealous personalties so that wasn't an issue. We went to a few swinger's parties, mingled, watched, etc. A little this, a little that. I worried sometimes mainly because the lifestyle was all we talked about or did anymore. My ex-h was uber-enthusiastic and it made me uncomfortable. I tried to talk to him about how I felt it was taking over our marriage instead of enhancing our marriage. But the mere hint of dropping the lifestyle and his whole demeanor changed. Looking back, this did a lot of damage to our marriage of 7 years at the time. Finally it came down to he could do his thing and I could do mine, no jealousy, no questions, as long as we spent time together regularly. Every now and then I noticed little signs that my husband was possibly crossing certain lines and getting emotionally involved. I found emails from women he was trying to arrange trysts with. They seemed to have an emotional/relationship connotation and I started asking him questions. He admitted he liked the lifestyle so much he actually was thinking about taking on more 'wives'. He admitted the 'wives' would be in on a relationship-basis not just sexual. I kept prodding with questions, he denied a whole lot, finally it came out that he was having an affair. He left me for her, they are still married after 6 yrs, and I remarried. Looking back, I can clearly see why love is more richly shared between two people. We are made to pair up. Yin and yang, etc. More power to those who embrace the lifestyle, but truthfully, it destroyed my marriage. (Sorry this all runs together, I'm on a phone I'm not familiar with and not sure how to paragraph)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I would say its something you really need to think about long and hard before you do anything. Its not for everyone. It can cause some serious problems in a marriage. I know of two different couples both who were hell bent on doing it. and yes they both were on the same page about it, but it wasn't what they thought and it caused major problems. I'm not saying it will in yours or that it does in all people's marriages but it is a risk.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

She has clearly told you she didn't want to. BUT I see, that because you want some different sex with different people, this is why you are trying to convince her this is the thing to do. Most people who do want to sleep with others thats what they do, try to convince the other one this is a good thing. That's selfish. If you keep pushing this issues on her, YOU will be the one to ruin what you have, you wont even have to worry about the swinging possibly ruining it.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Former swinger female weighing in here. Rule #1, both all the way in. Or both OUT. Your wife is scared to risk a good thing. Love what you have.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Flo,

I agree with your wife too. 

My husband and I have a wonderful marriage and we enjoy wonderful sex together. He is a curious creature, he likes to try new things. As long as it is between him and me, I will let him explore. But if there are other people involved, I say NO firmly. Same reason with your wife, I don't want to ruin what we have. Self-control ability is what we need. I don't care how amazing that kind of sex can be, it is not worthwhile to run the risk of ruining what we have. 

My husband doesn't mention this anymore. He is happy and content with what we have.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

If its as wonderful as you say, then keep it between you both. No need to add others. There are other ways of adding spice to things without doing that.


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## debrajean (Dec 27, 2007)

I'm against it, I don't believe it enhances a marriage in any way. It only gives the other the opportunity to "legally cheat". When you commit to one another in marriage, you commit, you don't bring in a third party, to spice things up. Besides from what you've described your sex life sounds pretty spicy as it is. Did you ever consider the possibility that you might have a sex addiction?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

debrajean said:


> I'm against it, I don't believe it enhances a marriage in any way.


The operative word here is CAN. But is sure as heck is not going to under duress.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I would say no no no no no no, personal experience.


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## MissLayla1986 (Aug 27, 2010)

sounds like a bad idea. bringing other partners into the mix could have disastrous consequences, and doesn't have much of an upside. if you already have an outstanding sex life and your wife is happy with the way things are, then why mess with a good thing?


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Did I read ur post correctly that ur wife has tried swinging in the past, b4 she met u? If she has but is refusing 2 engage in it now, she is probably giving u a hint that it didnt end well b4 and doesnt wanna risk what u 2 have now 2gether.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Flo1967 (Feb 9, 2011)

Thanks everyone


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

put a swing in the back yard and you guys can hold hands and swing all night.

which most likley will lead to some nice bed shaking.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> put a swing in the back yard and you guys can hold hands and swing all night.
> 
> which most likley will lead to some nice bed shaking.


:smthumbup::iagree:


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