# Are In-Laws Out of Line?



## purplehaze2 (May 1, 2012)

My mother in law and other sis in law help sister in law babysit her child. Basically, sister in law has free daycare almost at all hours of the day seven days a week, even on days when either she or her husband is home.

My husband is recently out of work and is using the time to find a job, or work at a part time job to make some extra income for us.

Recently, mother in law wants to take part in a church project that will require her to be away on weekdays for the next two months. Mother in law approached my husband to spend 5 days a week for 2 months babysitting sis in law's kid for free. Since sis in law lives far away, he would have to spend the entire 2 months there away from me.

When husband said he would have to talk to me first, mother in law said, "Why? I'm not asking for your wife's time."
When he tried to discuss the situation with sis in law (mother of kid they want him to babysit) and tell her he can commit to one month instead of the two months she flipped out. Called him ungrateful for not helping his mom out and demanded more time. She said, "It's not like you're doing anything." When he said he was working on finding a job, she said she was sick of his "excuses."

My feeling is that mother in law is helping sister in law take care of her child. That's her decision. Yes, mother in law is requesting the time off, but that shouldn't be my husband's burden to take on and he shouldn't be expected to do anything. It's sister in law's responsibility to find a replacement for childcare and she shouldn't demand anyone's time for a favor. 

If my husband says he's willing to commit one month (which is a lot already for him to do for free), she should accept it. Husband thinks she's lucky to have all the help she already has had and that he was even considering to take a month off from job hunting and be away from his own wife. 

All the in-laws say my husband is ungrateful and lazy not to devote two months to babysit. They see him as being obligated to his mother for all that she has done for him. They see it as a favor to his mother, and not his sister who can't even ask him nicely and with respect to help look after her child. She keeps saying it's a favor for my mother in law, and not to her -- who is really benefiting from all the help. 

I know my husband would help his family anytime they truly needed it, but he's not going to bend over backwards for them if they treat him like crap. I understand how hard it is to be working parents and take care of a child, but you can't expect people to shoulder responsibility because of your decision to have a child. 

Should my husband just help out? Or should my in-laws back off?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Uh, not only no, but hell, no.

Can I say hell here?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

So, let me get this straight. Your husband is out of work. They know this. Instead of trying to steer some paying work his way (hey, come babysit, we'll help you out financially!) they are asking him to work for free AND asking him to leave his wife for two months?

Well, I don't know what this is about, but it ain't good, and no. NO NO NO.

And btw, I do not think they have your best interests at heart.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Your inlaws are out of line if they think you don't get input on this. Your husband being away is very very much something you get a say on.

It's also asking him to stop looking for work during that time as well, which has major consequences for you both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

They are only thinking of their best interest not yours or your husbands. 
I would tell them no and let them deal with it. Two months is too long to be apart just to baby sit someone's child who can pay for care during that time. Esp when that time could be spent looking for a job.

Out of line? How about out of their minds (IMO)


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Did you post this issue already? Forgive me if you did not...your story just seems remarkably familiar.

Your in laws do not care about your feelings. They are being selfish and unreasonable. I think they want to poison your husband's mind against you, which is why they want him to stay away.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I agree, FirstYear --

sorry, Purple, this isn't about child care. This about them trying to break up your marriage.

What's up?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

purplehaze2 said:


> When husband said he would have to talk to me first, mother in law said, "Why? I'm not asking for your wife's time."


Actually yes she is... it's funny how these WOMEN seem to forget they are or have been married themselves. How the hell would they like it if someone did this to them? I highly doubt they would. I can understand "helping out family" but for two months.. away from you? The wife? Thats not helping out.. like others suggested.. they are NOT respecting you nor do they RESPECT the fact that you and your husband are MARRIED. He is in NO way obligated to do anything for any of them regardless of their warped thinking. Especially not for TWO months!! You and him are partners.. they clearly don't respect that and that disrespect needs to be put in check by both you and him.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wait, you are married to a MAN aren't you? Babysitting? Away from his family? For 2 months? OMFG. My sister in law might ask me to sit for her kid for the afternoon.....assuming she's going shopping or something with my wife. But to leave my family on their own for 2 months while I continue to no support them? Laughable. And your husband actually considered this? Actually agreed to leave his family on their own and unprovided for for a month?

Yes, your in-laws are out of line. And so is your husband.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Have them send the kid to your house for 2 months. Along with money for food etc... If they want your help there is no other acceptable alternative.

By the way, I said "your" help. As in "you" the family. You guys are married, you're considered "one unit".


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