# Need advice...clueless here



## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

Hi ladies,

Really need your help tonight. Ive had a never ending issue with my hubby, and im not sure what the solution is. So here goes...

We've been married for 8 years. And over these 8 years its always the same recurring issue over and over again. Everytime we have some private information or development in our lives, careers, family, he feels like he needs to go immediately tell everyone. For example, when i was pregnant, we decided we weren't going to tell anyone for 3 months. He told like four or five people and didnt even consult me or tell me after. I just happened to find out myself. He does this with everything in our life. Recently we are trying for new opportunity in our careers and decided we shouldn't tell anyine until we have something concrete, but ofcourse he told a colleague at his current job when there was absolutely no reason to. I feel like it may jeopardize his current position as he doesnt know this person too well. We go through this everytime and he promises he won't tell anyone but it happens again and again with something else in our lives. I feel like he never really understands me or cares for what we decide.he just listens to me, agrees amd foes on with his life, but then repeats the same thinf the next time. What should i do to make him understand. Talking about it doesn't help. Ive tried every way of talking to him over 8 years. 

I dont want to jeopardise anything good we have going for ourselves. Why is it so hard for him to contain himself?


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## Anthony Wellers (Jul 29, 2017)

I've met a few people like this in my time (fortunately they are few and far between).

Sounds like he's just the kind of guy that can't contain his enthusiasm. Other than getting an electro-shock collar that kicks in every time he's about to say something he shouldn't, I'm at a loss.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Nothing you can do some people just can't help it their blabber mouths.

He probably tell everybody everything including your sex life .


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> Nothing you can do some people just can't help it their blabber mouths.
> 
> He probably tell everybody everything including your sex life .


He isn't usually a blabber mouth. He can't lie when someone is trying to get information from him, and he can't stop himself from talking about something that he's really excited about in his life. These two things get him into trouble.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Lrentz said:


> He isn't usually a blabber mouth. He can't lie when someone is trying to get information from him, and he can't stop himself from talking about something that he's really excited about in his life. These two things get him into trouble.


Maybe counceling?

Hmm, would he agree with you that he needs to stfu if so maybe he would be open to counceling.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Sounds like he may need a lot of outside validation. It could be simple enthusiasm, bur IME those who tell all get validation from positive response.

I'm the same as you, OP. I like to keep my private life, private. I've been screwed over in the past by people who use knowledge against me.

As an example, I'd have been livid if my H told people about an early pregnancy. What if you'd lost the baby? That's just not very sensitive to you to tell people while you are still waiting to make it through the first trimester.

I think you need some frank discussion with your H and some MC to help communicate better. Also Google the Policy of Joint Agreement.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> Maybe counceling?
> 
> Hmm, would he agree with you that he needs to stfu if so maybe he would be open to counceling.


I think he would be, he might brush it off initially. But if i asked enough he might. What sort of counseling would it be though? Is not exactly marriage counseling, its more be smart with your life and dont trust everyone you meet type of counseling


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Provided that a good old-fashioned "Come to Jesus Meeting" with him doesn't exactly do it, then I'd wholeheartedly recommend MC to try to deal with this issue!*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Lrentz said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> Really need your help tonight. Ive had a never ending issue with my hubby, and im not sure what the solution is. So here goes...
> 
> ...


Your husband sounds very insecure and probably feels people are judging him so he has to impress them with stories about your plans and ideas.He comes across as immature and to be honest isn't capable of having an adult relationship.This is a scenario that will only get worse unless something is done to stop his behaviour,he is disrespectful to you and puts telling relative strangers your personal business over your feelings.
I had a similar problem except that I wasn't married but my long term girlfriend was telling her friends our personal business and this included our sex life. I ended the relationship and cancelled our wedding.We really only got back together because she was pregnant but she has learned not to tell anyone anything about our personal lives.
This behaviour of agreeing with you about keeping his mouth shut but then carrying on with his blabbing is worrying,does this extend to other parts of your lives with him paying lip service to you but doing exactly what he wants to anyway.What about your children,does he back you up on decisions you both make about discipline or does he play good guy/ bad guy.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Lrentz said:


> chillymorn69 said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe counceling?
> ...


It would be marriage counseling. This is a problem in your marriage.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Livvie said:


> It would be marriage counseling. This is a problem in your marriage.


Start here... if it evolves to a point that something else is identified then he can look to other counseling independently if necessary.

Of course, I am going to recommend meditation classes as well to help calm the mind when excitement takes over and emotions run to the point he gets into trouble.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

Is there any good online marriage counsellors? I think he would be open to trying something online than going to someone.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Lrentz said:


> Is there any good online marriage counsellors? I think he would be open to trying something online than going to someone.


Honestly, I think real life interaction with a counselor would be the best bet.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

I tried to talk to him for couselimg. He said we didnt need it and it would be a waste of time and money for someone to tell him to say i love you to eachother 5 times a day. I will keep trying to talk to him about it though. Also we have a two year at home and he works odd hours, so it might be kind of hard to go to someone in person.

That's why i thought something online would be better for him.


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