# She watched porn...



## idontwanttopublishmyname (Oct 10, 2012)

Hi

I'm a Muslim, married to one lovely woman, we love each other, we are living way too far from our families, we don't have any relatives in this country. God blessed us with 1 kids 1 hyperactive boy who needs a 24/7 attention, and he's 2 years old, and a new baby girl who's 2 months old and keeps crying and need her mom most of the time.

Since the boy arrived our sex life went to a very VERY bad situation, we can't make love while he's awake, and he sleeps really late by the time he sleeps we both are tired (mostly me because i have to wake up early morning and go to work, while my wife doesn't work so she can stay up extra hours) so this kid drove our sex life to a week-to-week meeting instead of bi-daily...

But when his sister came, he started to become even more hyperactive, feeling jealous most of the time from his sister, trying to sneak and hit her ...so now we have to EXTRA watch over him! which means EXTRA work for both of us...and when he sleeps the baby wakes up, you know she's 2 months only, she's gazzy, her tummy hurts..etc.

so our sex life is nearly on weekly basis!

As stated above, we 're both Muslims, porn is against our believes, my wife is the good one she's more religious than me, if i'm committing something simple (but considered a sin) she'll be the one who set me straight...in short she's the good one!

few days back it was our wedding anniversary, so at night she wanted to celebrate it, we put the boy into sleep but that little baby kept crying and crying we couldn't do anything...PLUS she had her period, so all we can do is masturbating for each others only...

she made mine come (and we taped it on her mobile camera) , then baby started crying hard and it was really tough to concentrate and make her come, so we decided to take a shower and sleep, and i did slept before her (ohh BTW, i'm that kind of person who doesn't wake up unless there's a bomb!!!)

the next day i went to work, called her during the day to say hi like any regular day, everything was fine i went home we had lunch together until she told me that she masterbated yesterday after i fell a sleep, so i told her (what did you watch to feel horney?)
(the video we took yesterday, it helped me alot) she replied
then i said to her (only that?) i said it in a regular way, not accusing her or something, it was like that simple question!

she then confessed that she watched some videos in the internet to turn her on...and she said that she hugged me






...this was a turn off in our lifes, watching porn is something that's not forgivable easily, it's now a matter of trust, now how can i be sure she'll not do it again...
to summarize here's my issue:

1- Religious reason: it's VERY wrong and unaccepted at all and to watch porn...and SHE'S the good one...my brain can't take it!

2- she did this in our ANNIVERSARY!!

3- My self respect...so i'm not enough for her anymore? why in the past 3 years when we didn't get the chance to make love i didn't hit that road?


4- This is just the beginning...yes it's not easy to quit watching these things!!!

5- the trust...i can't trust her anymore, she can watch these things any time now...any minute...


back to our life, i felt mad, i couldn't look at her face i kept looking anywhere else except her face i just can't face her anymore 




She kept apologizing and apologizing i didn't want to listen to her i just wanted a time out i went to our bedroom i don't know how i fell asleep it was too early...
She woke me up very late after putting kids on sleep she kept apologizing and i didn't look at her face i went to the other room to sleep alone she kept begging to be forgiven but i didn't want to talk to her she promised and kept swearing that she'll never watch porn again and i can block whatever sites to make sure she doesn't watch it again...i told her its a matter of trust, trust comes without conditions or blocking things...etc

Today i woke up and dressed my self in the other room she prepared some sandwiches for me i took it but really didn't feel like eating...

During the day she sent me an sms suggesting to go sleep in her friends house because i don't want to see her face until im alright i replied to her that when i go home we will talk...i really don't know what to do and how to approach her im really afraid to trust her again i have great betrayal history during my life from friends and people and she knows that very well...

Please advice me guys i really don't know what to do with her....


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

As an atheist I can't comment on the religious aspect of your problem. 

As far as I am concerned porn is simply a masturbation aid. If you don't have a problem with her masturbating why would you have a problem with her viewing porn to help her do that? She will either be using images from the internet or images from her imagination, morally why is one worse than the other?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your wife did not betray you. You must find a way to forgive your wife. As a religious person, you should be able to forgive.

My husband was upset that I got a free video from an order online. He thought I ordered it and I did not. I watched maybe 2-3 minutes before turning it off, it was not my thing to watch. My husband was upset I put it in the DVD and watched some, I could hear it in his voice. He instantly forgot about it and moved on.

You need to move on. You have a wife and children to support. Your wife needs you as her husband. I highly doubt your wife will do this again since she knows now how upset you are. We as women get horny too and our needs must be met or we'll explode. She was meeting her needs alone that day which is quite normal. Your wife loves you very much. Your wife was not thinking of religion that day. No one can be perfect always. We all make mistakes that must be forgiven. Good luck.


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## idontwanttopublishmyname (Oct 10, 2012)

What hurts me the most is that she did this in our anniversery...our special day...many nights i wanted her but we couldn't do it because of the kids, did i masterbate? No i didn't! will never do it as long as she's my wife...and she knows that ...yet she did it...

every time i close my eyes i just can't imagine how she was holding her mobile looking at porn and masturbating with her other hand while i'm lying like a pig beside her, she was feeling orgasm ...feeling high....while looking at other man, and i was lying beside her like a dead body...i really can't picture her doing this...i just can't and i really wish this working day not to end so that i won't have to see her (at least for now...) but after 3 hours i will go home and we have to talk...

Thank you guys ...your words really helped me...i just don't know how to trust her again, knowing too much is really bad for the person, and my problem is i know too much specially with computers and mobiles, even if she promised not to do it again i will still be able to track all her activity on the internet...so i can't imagine what would happen to me if i trust her again and found out later that she's still watching porn..... 

trust is like a glass, once it's broken it'll never be the same again...


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Sounds like blaming the kids for your loss of sex life isn't the way to go either. It happens. You both need to set a time that may work best for you to have sex. I understand that no one likes scheduled sex, BUT right now with the demand of the kids and whats going on with them, sometimes you have to do what works best for you both, to be able to sneak some time in for yourselves. Try to find a compromise. Work with your son on the jealousy issue with his sister, if he is overly hyper, get him to a doctor. Your baby sounds like she may have colic, once again see a doctor for some suggestions.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Personally, I think you are way over reacting.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I'm trying to give you advice that you can use from your paradigm but it's a little difficult because I am not coming from the same religious mindset as you (in western culture this would not be that big of an issue).

But you are not perfect. There are things in your life, whether they are actions or thoughts that you have, that betray your marriage. If someone played your life on TV, including your thoughts, would you not be disgusted with some of the things that were shown? And if your wife were to discover one of those things, would she not also struggle with trusting you?

And yet you love your wife, and would not let anything keep you from loving her.

Your wife is not perfect, she makes mistakes just like you do. Marriage is not built on perfection, it is built on accepting the other person, and showing them love even in their imperfections. Trusting is easy when you are dealing with perfection. Trusting in the sun is easy, trusting in God is easy. Having trust in a person who has imperfections, that is difficult.

It is ok to feel upset or disappointed at something that goes against the fabric of your marriage. Try to approach it with your wife like you would want to be treated from her.

I have found in my experience that someone who is very upset when someone else makes a mistake, is usually struggling with that same thing, and it is a frustration born of guilt. Is this something that you perhaps are struggling with? Pornography or lust? And that it makes you especially frustrated to have seen your wife making a similar mistake?

If it is we are not here to judge you, this is an anonymous internet forum.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Lighten up, OP. I would blow a load in my pants if my wife told me she diddled herself to porn. People get so hung up on religion that they let it affect every aspect of their lives. There comes a point where you ave to enjoy life a little. It's not like she told you she went to a sex club. She was getting off to a video you were in also. That's flattering. 

So she went online, too, and found something hot to finish off in Round 2. Good for her. Now you should watch porn together.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I cannot believe the insensitive dismissive comments in this thread.

OP for whatever reasons porn is not OK to you. You married your wife clear hat you had the same values, and she has done the wrong thing. However I think forgiving and moving forward is the way to go. If she is truly remorseful and it sounds like she is, then work on ways to communicate, spend time together and connect with each other and build trust back up.

Good luck.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

To the people that think this isn't a big deal, consider his paradigm. To some muslims this is a big deal.

Imagine if you went on a board and told people your wife had sex with a goat, and you got the response "Lighten up, it's not that big of a deal, it's good she got off. You should try it."

Kind of fruitless to try and change an entire cultural paradigm by dismissing it outright.


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## idontwanttopublishmyname (Oct 10, 2012)

COguy said:


> I'm trying to give you advice that you can use from your paradigm but it's a little difficult because I am not coming from the same religious mindset as you (in western culture this would not be that big of an issue).
> 
> But you are not perfect. There are things in your life, whether they are actions or thoughts that you have, that betray your marriage. If someone played your life on TV, including your thoughts, would you not be disgusted with some of the things that were shown? And if your wife were to discover one of those things, would she not also struggle with trusting you?
> 
> ...


thank you your reply it went thru among all other advices at some point i felt like you're inside my thoughts ...

i used to watch porn before we got married i (as every other guy) used to masterbate too but when i got married i completly stopped it and she knows that....in fact yesterday she told me exactly (you watched porn before ...) and i replied fast (this was before i met you) she got silent...coz she knows how i care about her..i won't say we're even now but i'll find it in my heart to let it go for now.

the whole day i was not online in any social application (like whats up or facebook) - which is not me at all...so now i went online and there wad these msgs from her asking for forgiveness and giving me the chice whether to go to her friend sleep until im ready to talk...she told me that she's surprised how im treating her i was never mad at her like this before....

so now i'll go home talk to her and express how disapointed i am and make her feel more and more guilt so that she promise me never to do it again, i guess making it a big deal will make her think twice before even thinking about watching porn.

thanks everyone for all your inputs it was very helpful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> so now i'll go home talk to her and express how disapointed i am and make her feel more and more guilt so that she promise me never to do it again,


I would say making her feel guilt could likely backfire. How about instead of making her feel guilty, you just love her, accept her and understand that she made a mistake. I mean after all wouldn't you want someone to be understanding of your mistake(s).


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> thank you your reply it went thru among all other advices at some point i felt like you're inside my thoughts ...
> 
> i used to watch porn before we got married i (as every other guy) used to masterbate too but when i got married i completly stopped it and she knows that....in fact yesterday she told me exactly (you watched porn before ...) and i replied fast (this was before i met you) she got silent...coz she knows how i care about her..i won't say we're even now but i'll find it in my heart to let it go for now.
> 
> ...


I would suggest you take a different approach. Guilt only makes these things worse, it will make it a forbidden act and make her feel worse about herself. Why not try to be positive instead? Let her know how much you love her and that it hurt you because you care about her so much. Let her know that you love all of her, mistakes included, and not because she is perfect.

That would make her feel better about herself and much less likely to want to hurt you again.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I'm not Islamic but I found these on a quick google search.

“…. But if you pardon and exonerate and forgive, Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Qur’an, 64: 14]

It has also been revealed in the Qur’an that forgiveness is a superior moral trait: “But if someone is steadfast and forgives, that is the most resolute course to follow.” [Qur’an, 42:43]

For that reason, believers are forgiving, compassionate and tolerant people who, as revealed in the Qur’an, “control their rage and pardon other people.” [Qur’an, 3:134]

“… They should rather pardon and overlook. Would you not love Allah to forgive you? Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Qur’an, 24:22]

Give your wife mercy just as god does, without guilt or shame.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

If you're concerned about trust, consider that your wife was HONEST with you and told you about it herself. If she were untrustworthy, she would have kept it to herself and you never would have known she had looked at some porn online. Or she would have lied, lied, lied when you asked more questions. Instead, she told you the truth, voluntarily. 

Second, if your anniversary is so important, get a baby-sitter for your anniversaries. It's not so fun for her to try to celebrate when she's got a crying baby in the middle of it. I'm just saying that this happening in your anniversary really means nothing except that she didn't have an orgasm before you fell asleep and needed to take care of it. If anniversary is a special day, then do something special. If you do nothing special, then I don't see why it's such a big deal that it happened that day.

Finally, I really can't comment on the religious aspects except to say that surely your God is capable of forgiveness of imperfect humans making mistakes.

You can keep punishing her for being honest and telling you by freezing her out, or you can use this as an opportunity to build even more trust and intimacy between you. It all depends on whether you choose to let this get in the way of your relationship or not. You DO have control over how you handle this. Don't let this destroy your marriage.


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## idontwanttopublishmyname (Oct 10, 2012)

got it...
you're right...she went throu a lot of guilt last night and im pretty sure her eyes are all red because of crying the whole night which im sure she didnt rest at all...

i'll talk to her honestly no more guilt to be felt (well just a little...ciz i just cant simply pretend like this didn't happen but i promise i'll take it easy on her..

its true that god is merciful and can forgive bigger sins so why i (the human being) can't find it in my heart she was (and still) the best mother! the beat partner anyone can dream of having this mistake (no matter how big it seems to me) can not erase all the good things in her...

thanks everyone you really opened up my eyes and ser my mind and my thoughts in the right track.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Good luck. If this is the biggest problem you have together you are a lucky man.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> its true that god is merciful and can forgive bigger sins so why i (the human being) can't find it in my heart she was (and still) the best mother! the beat partner anyone can dream of having this mistake (no matter how big it seems to me) can not erase all the good things in her...


Say that to your wife and you will see her eyes become red again. Not from sadness but from joy.

The lowest person can create guilt. When we show love and mercy in spite of mistakes, that is when we are closest to god.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> Good luck. If this is the biggest problem you have together you are a lucky man.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> i used to watch porn before we got married i (as every other guy) used to masterbate too but when i got married i completly stopped it and she knows that....in fact yesterday she told me exactly (you watched porn before ...) and i replied fast (this was before i met you) she got silent...coz she knows how i care about her..i won't say we're even now but i'll find it in my heart to let it go for now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Please help me understand: You use religion as a reason for condemning your wife for watching porn. Now you admit, you too have watched porn before. Does your religion have a provision that makes it acceptable, if you are not married? If not, then you are just as bad as she is.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

hmmm what mobile porn site was that? was it any good?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Though I am a religious man I think you should try and put that aspect of the situation aside for a second and see things from her perspective.

She was just as tired as you, if not more so having to deal with a new baby. She still wanted intimacy but you fell asleep and she couldnt get off. That is extremely frustrating to any person who is in the mood. So she took matters into her own hands.

My advice is that if you dont want a recurrence you make sure to finish what you start. Dont start her off than leave her hanging by falling asleep.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

dormant said:


> Please help me understand: You use religion as a reason for condemning your wife for watching porn. Now you admit, you too have watched porn before. Does your religion have a provision that makes it acceptable, if you are not married? If not, then you are just as bad as she is.


This is a formidable argument.


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## Jeapordy (Aug 12, 2012)

How on earth did we get through life before we had Internet porn? The answer is that we used our imaginations.
So I've never understood why some believe porn is so much worse than imagination. Sure, I understand the addiction dangers from the overwhelming abundance of availability. 
But strictly from a moral standpoint (which is the OP's issue), if he is going to condemn his wife for watching porn, is he also going to condemn her for using their imagination? I bet the OP sometimes thinks about someone or something other than his wife. 
Porn is just eye candy for what is in our brains.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

I don't know if I agree with a lot of what's being said. I even find most of it disrespectful towards you. But I think you should do all you can to encourage your spouse to be open to you. I think when we first discover someone close to us did something that is out of the norm for them or what we expect from them we become angry and judgmental. I think you have to try to put yourself in her frame of mind and try to understand why she felt to use that as an outlet. Think about things you could have done better for the marriage and the sex life. Try these things while seeing things from her point of view. If her point of view seems to help you understand her viewing porn more and you know you are doing your part to meet that need then maybe this could work itself out.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

If its a religion thing for you all, then you both have done wrong. Accept she made a mistake and so did you, Forgive and move on.


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

It sounds to me like you have a great wife. And it sounds like you're having plenty of sex considering the circumstances of your busy lives. You should love her and keep on enjoying your sex life.

Maybe the porn is against your religion, but it doesn't sound llike it's against either of your personal beliefs. You both made porn with your cell phone camera, after-all.

I would consider apologizing to your wife for over-reacting. Then suggest you have a discussion of sexual boundaries that are acceptable to both of you.

You have two kids with her. She just had a baby two months ago and you're still after frequent sex from her. She is still trying to please you. 

I think you are the selfish one in this case.

Also, stop thinking of your wife as "the good one" when it comes to religiousness. You're both sinners when you look at life through that prism. You didn't get married to an Imam; you got married to a woman. Not a perfect woman. But probably a better woman than you deserve. 

Please do something nice, thoughtful, and romantic for her, and apologise. She will love you forever for your forgiving heart.

And if you have trust issues from other experiences in your life from other people --- don't make those your wife's problem. Life is full of disappointments, but you'll make your own life miserable by labeling every disappointment a personal betrayal and a trust issue. 

Be mature. Be a man. Take care of your family. Be grateful for the wife you have.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Just curious... does your religion have an issue with MAKING porn? Because that's what you did when you taped yourselves.

What is the difference between watching yourselves cum and watching someone else? Isn't it all still porn?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

dormant said:


> Please help me understand: You use religion as a reason for condemning your wife for watching porn. Now you admit, you too have watched porn before. Does your religion have a provision that makes it acceptable, if you are not married? If not, then you are just as bad as she is.


I had the same question...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> Just curious... does your religion have an issue with MAKING porn? Because that's what you did when you taped yourselves.
> 
> What is the difference between watching yourselves cum and watching someone else? Isn't it all still porn?


I would think it would be porn only if distributed to others. But what do I know? I'm not Muslim.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I would think it would be porn only if distributed to others. But what do I know? I'm not Muslim.


I'm going to take a wild guess that digital creation and/or distribution of porn is not actually discussed in the Koran.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

[Please help me understand: You use religion as a reason for condemning your wife for watching porn. Now you admit, you too have watched porn before. Does your religion have a provision that makes it acceptable, if you are not married? If not, then you are just as bad as she is.]

The problem is she is a she and is expected to act a certain way while as a man he is not so its not that big of a deal if he watched porn,you are dealing with a whole different male/female expectation system.

I have led in Muslims countries and some drink,watch porn and everything else so it depends on how serious they take their religion just like other religions.


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## idontwanttopublishmyname (Oct 10, 2012)

Alright i talked with her, started talking by asking her a question (what would you do if you were in my place and knew that i watched and masturbated?) she said she will forgive me, but hell no she won't, she's one of the most jealous woman you'll ever meet, sometimes she'd joke around when we're in the street and there's a girl who's wearing some sexy clothes! a person who feel this much jealous won't let such an incident like that go easy...

so we talked and talked, about how i am disapointed and shocked at her, then i didn't want to make her feel more guilt so we started discussing how we will arrange our love meetings, best timing...

then in the end i hugged her and she started crying like a little baby, even our son started crying when he saw her crying, i really felt so bad and felt how much sorry she was ...

one thing she'll never know...me coming here and asking for advice! or maybe i will show it her after some years 

So yes i can say that things are back to normal...thanks everyone.


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## idontwanttopublishmyname (Oct 10, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> Just curious... does your religion have an issue with MAKING porn? Because that's what you did when you taped yourselves.
> 
> What is the difference between watching yourselves cum and watching someone else? Isn't it all still porn?


no it's not the same.
it's forbidden to see to FOREIGN people naked/having sex
it's forbidden to have lust on foreigners

it's ok to see my wife naked
it's ok to feel lust for my wife
and it's ok to have sex with each others (because we are married)

simple rule, married can do whatever they want with each others, while they are not allowed to see others doing it, and that makes sense this is what makes the marriage special thing...something i do with her i don't do it with anyone else.

OF COURSE: this is from the prospective of Islam, please don't be offended and start cursing me or accusing me of pointing my finger at you telling you that your life is wrong ...etc tolerate Islam as i tolerate your believes


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

I believe she would have forgiven you since she has to forgive you all the time already. 

I am glad you have put this behind you. You made a wise decision for the sake of your family.

Make sure you keep this behind you. If you keep bringing this event up in the future to "keep score" or use it as some currency against her, you'll be breaking your vows.

Your wife and children are the closest people to you in the world. While living your life try to focus on the more gentle and forgiving parts of your religion with them.

Have a happy life.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> got it...
> you're right...she went throu a lot of guilt last night and im pretty sure her eyes are all red because of crying the whole night which im sure she didnt rest at all...
> 
> i'll talk to her honestly no more guilt to be felt (well just a little...ciz i just cant simply pretend like this didn't happen but i promise i'll take it easy on her..
> ...



And remember, if watching porn is against your religion, God forgave you for watching it before you were married. I know you had both agreed with one another not to watch it after you were married, but if God could forgive you for your apparent transgression, surely you as a mere mortal are right to forgive your wife.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

You also did wrong and you know it so know YOU go say you are sorry to her and man up but hey she is only a woman.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> no it's not the same.
> it's forbidden to see to FOREIGN people naked/having sex
> it's forbidden to have lust on foreigners
> 
> ...


Thanks for the clarification.


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> so now i'll go home talk to her and express how disapointed i am and make her feel more and more guilt so that she promise me never to do it again, i guess making it a big deal will make her think twice before even thinking about watching porn.


As a person who likes porn and has a partner who does not like porn I can, from the deepest of my heart, say that this is the most stupidest thing you can do. You're turning porn into a forbidden fruit, you make your partner feel inadequate and unworthy - and those are ideal conditions to make someone turn to porn once again. If you want a partner to give up on porn than the shame/guilt approach absolutely the worst way to go.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> i just don't know how to trust her again, knowing too much is really bad for the person, and my problem is i know too much specially with computers and mobiles, even if she promised not to do it again i will still be able to track all her activity on the internet...so i can't imagine what would happen to me if i trust her again and found out later that she's still watching porn.....
> 
> trust is like a glass, once it's broken it'll never be the same again...


There is something I would like to point out to you -as best I can..... the way you are reacting to this is precisely why so many people *FEAR* being honest with those they love....because some can't forgive or refuse to forgive. 

Your wife came clean on her own, she opened herself up and shared her sin with you... I don't know much about your religion, but I know plenty about the one I came from, and when another shares their sin, the last thing we ought to be doing is kicking them in the teeth with it.... Believe me, this happens far too often in Christianity....and this shouldn't be..... This is why people HIDE and SHAME grows, they learn to never be vulnerable with those they love -because they know they won't be "accepted" ..this takes a hit on LOVE even, it puts rips in our relationships... and how we feel about ourselves. 

We all make mistakes once in a while, who doesn't have struggles, who is perfect ? Who is flawless among you? 

Believing like this -with the expectation of perfection from a spouse -is unrealistic at best. None of this is healthy for heartfelt communication, understanding of each other... regardless of religion. 

I highly doubt she wants to do this again... *Forgive*, this is from God... Talk to each other deeply, understand you are both human. A peice from my Transparency  thread .... about such temptations...could be anything.... Porn is just one of many.... 

I , too , talked about a "shattering of glass" in my attempt at explaining how Vital it IS to be honest with our spouses.... but it is a completely different perspective than yours... I hope this will make some sense to you. .... 



> This is about being * Genuinely Authentic*, NO MASKS.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Jake56 (Oct 7, 2012)

Not to sound ignorant but I think you may be overreacting a bit, this might just cause more problems between the two of you in the end. Maybe you should try and find a babysitter or some other arrangement for your kids on a regular basis so you can have some time for yourselves. It sounds like that would take care of the root cause for the problem, after all it seems she was just desperate which caused her to do what she did.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> Hi
> 
> 
> ...this was a turn off in our lifes, watching porn is something that's not forgivable easily, it's now a matter of trust, now how can i be sure she'll not do it again...
> ...


First, let me offer you some thoughts. As a muslim, your religion is about a vast array of rules and regulations. The number is so vast, it's all but impossible to even learn them all. The question is: Do you accept them all, or is what you believe a matter of faith in God, personally? 

Next, are you your wife's "keeper"? Is her not keeping some rule some harm to you, or does it actually hurt you? Or is what she does a matter of her conscience, not yours? 

As for you feeling betrayed by your wife watching some video... Where, anywhere in this, has your wife abandoned you? She's still there with you, she still loves you, and she still wants to be your wife. It is you who is rejecting her, not the other way around - partly because she isn't following some rule you think she should. 

Lastly, it seems to me that you resent your children just a little. Yes, they take away your intimate time, I know, I had 5 in 6 years. You need to man up and stop whining and moaning. It's part of being a man and a parent that you put your needs a little lower on the priority scale from time to time. You took on the responsibility when you created them, now man up and accept it, stop complaining and stop acting like it's the end of the world. 

It really IS NOT your place in the world to enforce your wife's compliance with what you think your religion demands. That's her responsibility, and it's her conscience, not yours that matters. And it is your place in the world to love her, take care of her, and to work out with her why you feel betrayed about the porn thing. Maybe she didn't think it would be that way. Maybe she just felt badly that she felt compelled to do it and she's told you so you can clear the air between you. And instead, you turned on her. You also betrayed HER trust by not being understanding and offering support, so don't go feeling self righteous. 

We're human beings, we are born imperfect, and we will NOT live perfectly. This is why our languages have so many words for hurt, sorrow, and why we hold the notion of "forgiveness" as a such an incredibly valuable thing. 

Go apologize for not standing up and supporting your wife, ask her forgive your behavior, and offer forgiveness for her hurting you. And then tell her, anytime she feels like doing it again, to talk to you, and if you love and support her, there won't be any need for you two to have this kind of hurt again. She needs your love, not a video or porn. But if you refuse it, that may indeed, be all she has. And that would be a shame.


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## SexyChic41 (Oct 21, 2012)

idontwanttopublishmyname said:


> Hi
> 
> I'm a Muslim, married to one lovely woman, we love each other, we are living way too far from our families, we don't have any relatives in this country. God blessed us with 1 kids 1 hyperactive boy who needs a 24/7 attention, and he's 2 years old, and a new baby girl who's 2 months old and keeps crying and need her mom most of the time.
> 
> ...




Hi idontwanttopublishmyname...May I ask you a question per my (bolded lines above)? Why is it ok to make a "pornagraphic video" of yourselves, but not ok to "watch others"? Just curious. 

Also, I'd like to offer another scenario in defense of your wife, and I'm NOT necessarily condoning her actions, based on your "religion"; however, as a wife, who sometimes have these non-sex spells, I ventured into the "porn" world, as a...."If I can't have sex, then I'm gonna 'watch' someone else". Is it right? Maybe not, but it worked for me! AND, I learned a thing or three to use w/my husband, and have! 

I say this to say, please don't be so hard on your wife, but instead try being a bit more understanding (given your current predicament) as I'm sure that she would have rather been intimate w/you then the internet. 

Just my two cents.

Be Blessed!


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## SexyChic41 (Oct 21, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> Just curious... does your religion have an issue with MAKING porn? Because that's what you did when you taped yourselves.
> 
> What is the difference between watching yourselves cum and watching someone else? Isn't it all still porn?



My thoughts, exactly! :scratchhead:


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## SexyChic41 (Oct 21, 2012)

oldgeezer said:


> First, let me offer you some thoughts. As a muslim, your religion is about a vast array of rules and regulations. The number is so vast, it's all but impossible to even learn them all. The question is: Do you accept them all, or is what you believe a matter of faith in God, personally?
> 
> Next, are you your wife's "keeper"? Is her not keeping some rule some harm to you, or does it actually hurt you? Or is what she does a matter of her conscience, not yours?
> 
> ...



:yay: THANK YOU!!!! :yay:


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## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

Its great that it worked out. We all make mistakes and sin.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I am wondering if she told you what she watched?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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