# Just want some touch



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

So I just want to check my own sanity here and ask the forums a poll question.
Since my wife really never touches me anywhere I want to see what everyone else may experience. Interested in mostly the intimate touching below the waist. Can't remember the last time she did.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Point of clarification: 
Are you talking about fondling during sex or groping under the table when you're out to supper with friends?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Point of clarification:
> Are you talking about fondling during sex or groping under the table when you're out to supper with friends?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


During sex.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

To be honest....for the most part, it's mostly during foreplay/sex but I have surprised Hubs grabbed him! Lol! 

I think it's fair game.....really no different than me being grabbed on the a$$ or chest when he walks by.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I touch H intimately *always* during sex.

I also touch him intimately outside of sex ... everyday... sometimes multiple times a day. 

I learned that he actually likes to be groped... and he learned that I didn't enjoy groping as much as I liked the non-sexual touches outside of sex.

So, all is well.

Why do you think your wife is like this?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> If I'm understanding your question, while sporking I like to reach down and grab some arse, or cup *the boys*, or do a little hand action on his Willy Wonka when he's out.


LOL

but thats nice.
a guy needs a little of that too once in a while.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> I touch H intimately *always* during sex.
> 
> I also touch him intimately outside of sex ... everyday... sometimes multiple times a day.
> 
> ...


She has always been like this and it if finally taking a huge mental/emotional toll on me.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Have you told her that you like it and want her to do it?
> 
> What does she say?


She turns it around on me as if I am a pervert and a sex fiend.. she backs this up with so called conversations she has with her friends. Told her I don't care about her friends or their sex lives because this is ours, or not.
She honestly acts as if she does not like anything or just won't admit it. She's one of those "I never have masturbated type people".


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Do you guys have sex? And if so, does she enjoy it at all, even a little?
> 
> Not trying to pry, just trying to understand your situation.


Yes, she most does the obligation type sex, say 2x a week. When she does enjoy (orgasm) it's always on top. Sometimes I have to guess if she did or not because she doesn't make a peep during sex. It is just sex though, no foreplay, kissing, etc.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> No foreplay or kissing. Wow.
> 
> You say she has always been like this...any idea why?
> 
> Something in her past, like she was taught sex is for procreation only, ect.


I wish I knew or better yet wish she would tell me. I think she thinks it is alright in her mind. She avoids answering the question or questions by turning it around on me.
I have told her it is unnatural but again I am the perverted sex fiend so no matter what I say it is slanted.
All her friends are even more prudish than she is... according to her.
I am close to a breaking point here I think.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Get a copy of His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. It explains how one of the top male needs in marriage is sex. Your wife needs to understand that she is denying you affection. Sex is the way men connect to their wives emotionally.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> Get a copy of His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. It explains how one of the top male needs in marriage is sex. Your wife needs to understand that she is denying you affection. Sex is the way men connect to their wives emotionally.


Thanks for the advice... have read many books and all. She knows it is important but I am still the problem, perverted and all.
She doesn't care as far as I can tell.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

In better times, my wife's hand was usually migrating southward at any given moment we were in physical contact

It truly became an unconscious habit and I had to stop her when it was semi public or any other circumstances I didn't want to risk an unwanted erection.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Have you tried cooling down the temperature in your relationship? If you tell her often that you love her, stop doing that. If you do more than your share around the house, get a hobby and spend time with friends. Don't be a jerk, but withdraw things that she likes to get her attention that something is very wrong in your marriage. You need to take action to get the message across to her.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

I'm sure this won't work, but if your wife is as uptight as you say, I'm going to suggest it anyway. There are some sexual instruction videos out there, you can find them either on the online adult toy stores or some of the more prominent sex therapists. They'll often include interviews with real couples who have agreed to be filmed (not pornstars). The few I've seen will focus on techniques and positions, but they'll go into detail about the intimacy of those techniques, and it sounds like intimacy is your wife's real issue. There are also sex seminars each weekend around the US, where the instructors will instruct sex techniques from a bonding viewpoint, and then release the couples to their hotel rooms to "practice." Afterwards, the couple reconvene and focus on how the techniques made the couples feel closer together.

Like I said, if your wife is as closed off as you say, I can't imagine her going for either of these suggestions, but I thought them worth mentioning.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you are your wife's first partner?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

If the OP's description of his wife is accurate, regarding her view of sexuality, she is most unlikely to read any book that contradicts her view.

She knows she is "right". She doesn't want evidence to the contrary. HE has the problem to be solved, not her, in her opinion.

Why would she suddenly decide to read all these books that totally undermine her position, risk making her look like the villain of the piece, and show how she has to change?

I suspect "because she loves him" isn't going to cut it. Unless and until she decides to change, you're toast, and what is going to make her want to change?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> If you give her a book will she read it?
> 
> "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura would do your wife good. While I don't personally care for Dr. Laura, when I read it, I was amused at how spot on it is.
> 
> ...


I am one of those people who adore Dr Laura, I love her sarcastic cutting manner, I love to be challenged too, I enjoy listening to anything that pisses me off - so I can evaluate my own thinking. (not that she does, I usually agree with her , I loved her radio show).. I know she is the type >> you either love her or hate her. 

I did wake up to smell the roses myself... but I was never low drive, just repressed & uneducated. 



> *Dr. Rockstar said*: There are some sexual instruction videos out there, you can find them either on the online adult toy stores or some of the more prominent sex therapists. They'll often include interviews with real couples who have agreed to be filmed (not pornstars). The few I've seen will focus on techniques and positions, but they'll go into detail about the intimacy of those techniques, and it sounds like intimacy is your wife's real issue. There are also sex seminars each weekend around the US, where the instructors will instruct sex techniques from a bonding viewpoint, and then release the couples to their hotel rooms to "practice." Afterwards, the couple reconvene and focus on how the techniques made the couples feel closer together.



Here is one such video -- if she is open & willing to explore with you- though it doesn't sound like it. (I am so sorry!)  Better Sex Video Series: Sexplorations 

A nice list here also : Loving Sex Instructional DVDs for Couples




> *discouraged1 said *: Thanks for the advice... have read many books and all. She knows it is important but I am still the problem, perverted and all. She doesn't care as far as I can tell.


 I feel really bad for your situation, this is just not right... these things have a way of sucking the joy out of our lives , sexual intimacy & feeling wanted by your lover is nothing short of "life giving". You have to love her very much... how many years married ? I can only imagine the resentment is building , near consuming ... as you said you are close to the breaking point & it is taking a huge mental /emotional toll on you. 

I put this link on here earlier in another thread ... Why some women don't want sex  It seems some just do not get turned on, proof is in the MRI scan. 

Has your wife ever been the type to go GAGA over a hot movie star, a rock star... it seems many women who don't get excited by that stuff...is on the lower drive end too. I have noticed it a common theme .... so being "BOY CRAZY" in youth seems to be an indicater of a healtier sex drive. I guess it would make sense. 



> She honestly acts as if she does not like anything or just won't admit it. She's one of those "I never have masturbated type people


 I feel this is ALWAYS an indicator of a lower drive woman. I have been masterbating since I was like 12 -I was so darn embarrassed by this, felt it was wrong -according to my beliefs -which set me up for so much guilt & shame...and repression...but I was like a guy, after so much time... I had to have it , or I'd probalby go nuts. 

I have always been high drive I believe ...but even me... you wouldn't know it too well....since mentally I was hindered due to repression .. so it would seem to me... (given my own experience)... that if a woman was naturally low drive (no need to masterbate) combined with repressive beliefs/ prudish nature...this is a major hurdle to overcome.......that is a mindset near like "cement". 

Unless you have a woman who is very open minded and cares to get into your psyche, and TRUST, even be moved by ... how devestatingly hurting this is to you... not needing to have a taste of it on her own , but caring enough for you to go out of her way to please you. Without this from her end.... I wouldn't see any hope. 

SHe needs a desire to change, gain a sexual education, a motivation to change her mindset. 

You said though...she orgasms when she is on top...are you sure ?? What does orgasms do for her? Has she ever expressed how wonderful they are ? I would think anyone who has experienced them --LOVES them and wants them on a regular basis !


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

The 'problem' with all these books and videos/dvd's etc is that the partner with the 'issue' has got to realise and accept that she/he has an 'issue' and that he/she wants to remedy that issue. 

You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink...

What is the point of the OP getting books, 'instructional' videos etc if the OP's wife doesn't think there is a problem....and even if she did, it certainly doesnt sound as if she is interested in resolving things.

Its like a wife saying; '
Yes I love you, yes I know you'd like to make love to me 3x a week, but I am quite happy with once a month, so thats what its going to be. Now, have you seen the car keys anywhere?...'


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

7737 said:


> The 'problem' with all these books and videos/dvd's etc is that the partner with the 'issue' has got to realise and accept that she/he has an 'issue' and that he/she wants to remedy that issue.
> 
> You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink...
> 
> ...


This is true, but he has to try something to get through to his wife. The point of books and videos is to let her know that she is hurting her marriage with her cold attitude toward sex. If he just throws up his hands and says that she will never change, he will not solve his problem.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I'm sure this won't work, but if your wife is as uptight as you say, I'm going to suggest it anyway. There are some sexual instruction videos out there, you can find them either on the online adult toy stores or some of the more prominent sex therapists. They'll often include interviews with real couples who have agreed to be filmed (not pornstars). The few I've seen will focus on techniques and positions, but they'll go into detail about the intimacy of those techniques, and it sounds like intimacy is your wife's real issue. There are also sex seminars each weekend around the US, where the instructors will instruct sex techniques from a bonding viewpoint, and then release the couples to their hotel rooms to "practice." Afterwards, the couple reconvene and focus on how the techniques made the couples feel closer together.
> 
> Like I said, if your wife is as closed off as you say, I can't imagine her going for either of these suggestions, but I thought them worth mentioning.
> 
> ...


Have tried those things but she really won't read anything and if it had nudity in it she will think it's porn. 
I am her first partner.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Guess I'm beating a dead horse here, but I have one more suggestion, Focus on the Family's Understanding Your Husband's Sexual Needs link:

Understanding Your Husband's Sexual Needs - Focus on the Family

It describes from a Christian perspective a husband's need for sex as a way to love his wife.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Thanks for all the replies, I will answer them ASAP. Wanted to share what happened last night. We were in bed and I told her I would like to "go south" ahem.. aka give her oral.. and she replied with it's (her cookie) itchy (there is always an excuse). She then says you need help your a sex addict.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> I touch H intimately *always* during sex.
> 
> I also touch him intimately outside of sex ... everyday... sometimes multiple times a day.
> 
> ...


Probably the same here. I like groping the wife more than she does. I wished she touched me more sexually and non-sexually. I try to balance between the two.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I'm surprised someone hasn't suggested pulling the sexual 180 on her. Seems to work for some.


I agree with everything else you have said except for this statement. A sexual 180 is would be just dandy for his wife. She is happy to go without sex for long periods of time. What is needed is an emotional needs 180.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Discouraged1:
Man, I don't know what to say except that I feel badly for you. No one should have to deal with a spouse who is unwilling to try something new.

From what you said about you being her first partner and her not masturbating at all, it sounds like your wife may have been raised in a strict religious setting. Maybe the two of you are churchgoers now. If that is the case, there are any number of general therapists who deal with issues from a religious viewpoint. Perhaps if you ask your wife to go with you to see one of these marriage counselors, you can get to the bottom of her frigidness without her feeling attacked, and she can get a better idea of what a healthy sex life for a married couple is.

And I'm going to mention one last thing, then I'm out of bullets. If you have an iPad, there is an app called "Bliss: Games for Loving." It's set up like Monopoly, but it's really a collection of exercises intended to slowly escalate the sense of eroticism between the two of you, from conversations about your expectations from sex and romance to simple role-play to taking pictures of each other and more intense activities.

But here's why I think it might just appeal to her wife: First, the whole app is extremely tasteful in it's language, and I personally feel that it was written by a Christian for people like your wife who are having difficulty letting go of old ideas that were drilled into their heads as teenagers. The second is that before you play your first game, you fill out a detailed profile of what is okay and what is over the line, so she'll have control of exactly what she's willing to do.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I don't think it usually works that way because an LD spouse does not have any interest in sex. They don't have that urgent "need", so working out, pursuing other interests, won't make them want sex.

The emotional 180, however, gets them where they live. If you withdraw words of affection, quality time, acts of service, or gifts, they will start to understand what it feels like to miss the love and support of their spouse.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

I used to grope him ALL the time before D day. I like touching him and I miss it.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

The hope is to get the LD spouse's attention through action. You need to change the marriage dynamic because the LD spouse is generally content with the way things are. They do not respond to discussion, but hopefully will notice when love is being withdrawn. The hope is that starts them thinking about how they are not meeting a crucial need of their partner.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

You know, I've been wondering the exact same thing. Any time I see someone recommend the 180 tactic, or some other variation of withholding affection or attention, I wonder how effective these tactics really are. Do we have any anecdotal evidence from the boards from people who've actually tried it and had it work? Someone should throw up a new thread asking for testimonials.


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## hurtandc0nfused (Mar 2, 2012)

I feel for you. I would love some touch as well, but will not see that anytime soon and maybe not at all. I am dealing with the "I am gay. Don't touch me in anyway sexual" mode right now. 

But back when we did touch, I was always the initiator. She would only touch me when we were in bed, and then only limited. Explorations were usually initiated by me. 

As for touch outside of the bedroom, that was pretty much non existent. I WISH that she would have grabbed my junk for playful reasons or just because. I tried that on her and was usually told that it had too many negative connotations (she was abused by a female babysitter when she was young). I respected that boundary, but she just never did anything to initiate on her part. I desire more touch, what can I say, I am more touchy feely than the average guy, and I have come to terms that for now, I am just not going to get that. 

I am in a holding pattern now to see where our relationship will go.

I offer the best wishes to you, but think that your wife might have some serious issues. She needs a wake up call. If you are not happy, she needs to understand that. Have you tried MC? 

We are in it now and it seems to help to have a middle ground person to run things by. Ours is definitely helping me to stand up to the W. The W seems to think that I am accusing and not understanding her needs. The MC seems to think that it is the W that has the issues. 

Keep talking about it though as that is definitely something that I have learned that helps.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Tallaverageguy had success with this:

One thing I forgot to add is that what you withdraw on needs to be one of her love languages. My wife needs those words of affirmation, so when I pulled back on that, it made a difference to her. She could care less about gifts, so had I quit sending her flowers, she would not have felt it nearly as much. 

Hopefully he will make comments on this thread.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I wonder how many people have success with it.


I was successful both times I used some of the 180 tailored to my situation. One time I was out the door for real and was done by accident. The other was started by accident but then carefully planned to give the appearance to change the dynamic. Both times it was a 2-3 month turn around from horrible to a positive direction. Part of its success is probably due to human nature of not wanting to lose what you have to someone else (even if you don't really want it). It's kind of an adult relationship equivalent to reverse psychology. I think it helps both spouses re-evaluate where they are, what they mean to each other and where the "180" is taking them. For my current relationship, it's different. I think my wife and I have come to a real understanding and middle ground, unlike where I settled for the same BS for 3 more years with the first one. I knew I married a better one the second time ;-) 

Can't say it works for everyone or every relationship. If you give your spouse a more attractive person to be with, change the dynamic of the relationship, appear to be preparing to leave them in the rear view mirror, it's going to cause a knee-jerk in your spouse. What happens from that point will be up to you. It's kind of like playing with fireworks. When done safely, it can help remove the comfort the other person feels with the current situation you find unbearable. But with fireworks, there's always a chance it's going to blow up in your face. There is a chance you decide the other person isn't worth it and leave. There's a chance they could care less and they leave you.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I'm really happy for you, phantomfan. When you first started posting, you were pretty unhappy, and it is so great to read that things are turning around for you.
> 
> Hopefully the OP can turn his situation around too.


Thanks! Me too. I hope the OP finds what he needs. Everyone deserves to be happy :smthumbup:


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> This is true, but he has to try something to get through to his wife. The point of books and videos is to let her know that she is hurting her marriage with her cold attitude toward sex. If he just throws up his hands and says that she will never change, he will not solve his problem.


Yes, but obviously this isn't the way.



discouraged1 said:


> Have tried those things but she really won't read anything and if it had nudity in it she will think it's porn.
> I am her first partner.


All he is achieving by doing this is to burn a hole in his pocket buying stuff that is never going to see the light of day, whilst reinforcing her view that he (and most other people) are perverts and deviants.

I suggest one of two things:

Marriage counselling;

Spending the money you spent on books / videos / sexy gifts on a hobby for you and you alone. If she complains, point out that spending the money on trying to have a better sex life with your wife was a waste of money too, but at least this way one of you enjoys it.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> Yes, but obviously this isn't the way.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Different approaches work for different people. Catherine, Enchantment, SA, and I have learned from reading books. You don't know what will click with his wife.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> Different approaches work for different people. Catherine, Enchantment, SA, and I have learned from reading books. You don't know what will click with his wife.


By the sound of things, he's got enough books to start a library. If she refuses point blank to read them, all they're achieving is cluttering up his house and being a fire hazard.

The OP has told us in as many words that his wife will not under any circumstances read books like this. Unless she manages to absorb the contents of the books through the air by osmosis or magic, how is she going to get any benefit from them?

For the OP, books are a dead end. So I suggested something different.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> Have you tried cooling down the temperature in your relationship? If you tell her often that you love her, stop doing that. If you do more than your share around the house, get a hobby and spend time with friends. Don't be a jerk, but withdraw things that she likes to get her attention that something is very wrong in your marriage. You need to take action to get the message across to her.


I have tried heating up and cooling down in many different ways. It's always the same ole same ole... she is as cold as ice.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

discouraged1 said:


> I have tried heating up and cooling down in many different ways. It's always the same ole same ole... she is as cold as ice.


She'll start heating up somewhere when you say you have had enough and you are ready to exit the marraige or take a lover. Yep...that's exacty what I would do, and I wouldn't have one apology for it either.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am one of those people who adore Dr Laura, I love her sarcastic cutting manner, I love to be challenged too, I enjoy listening to anything that pisses me off - so I can evaluate my own thinking. (not that she does, I usually agree with her , I loved her radio show).. I know she is the type >> you either love her or hate her.
> 
> I did wake up to smell the roses myself... but I was never low drive, just repressed & uneducated.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your suggestions and feedback. We have been married over 20 years... she has never been much of a gone GAGA over guys but does really love one rock star. Other than that.. nothing that I know of.
She is a very selfish person and can't take a compliment. I tell her she it hot and that I love to make her feel pleasure. She just blows me off like "sure".. she doesn't get it that I 
"get off" by getting her off.:scratchhead:
She does orgasm for sure... she has a tell tale sign. No she won't tell me if they are good, bad, or other wise. I assume that orgasms for women are generally good but she won't tell me. 
I have also expressed how wonderful and BJ is (10x better than sex) for me.. she just won't do it. Been almost 2 years since I last had one.
I miss passionate kissing and foreplay which has not happened in years..


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> Guess I'm beating a dead horse here, but I have one more suggestion, Focus on the Family's Understanding Your Husband's Sexual Needs link:
> 
> Understanding Your Husband's Sexual Needs - Focus on the Family
> 
> It describes from a Christian perspective a husband's need for sex as a way to love his wife.


Great suggestion.. she may look at this if anything. I will try.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Speaking of help, has she ever talked to a pro about this problem? Something's not right in her head. I know, she doesn't think there's a problem. If you suggested counseling, would she agree to go or would she turn it around on you?
> 
> If I were in your shoes, I would tell her that wanting a normal sex life is not being an "addict", that you are not willing to stay in a sexless marriage and if you don't start seeing some enthusiastic effort on her part, you're gone.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately there is no problem so she does not need to see a counselor. I think I am stuck with a cold, insensitive, unloving and selfish person.
I have done a 180 on her before with little affect. I may have to do a 180 with the intent to bail if she won't change.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Discouraged1:
> Man, I don't know what to say except that I feel badly for you. No one should have to deal with a spouse who is unwilling to try something new.
> 
> From what you said about you being her first partner and her not masturbating at all, it sounds like your wife may have been raised in a strict religious setting. Maybe the two of you are churchgoers now. If that is the case, there are any number of general therapists who deal with issues from a religious viewpoint. Perhaps if you ask your wife to go with you to see one of these marriage counselors, you can get to the bottom of her frigidness without her feeling attacked, and she can get a better idea of what a healthy sex life for a married couple is.
> ...


Dr. Thanks but no go on the counselling.. we have tried games, books, toys, etc. but it never gets used or is very short lived.
She would be seriously pissed if I even mentioned taking her picture or video.. she won't even respond to simple text messages.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

canttrustu said:


> I used to grope him ALL the time before D day. I like touching him and I miss it.


If I got groped by a woman I would probably drop a load right there. Got wood just by walking through the store the other day. New pair of short rubbing me in a way I was not used to.. Ha!
Come to think of it I might just blow a load by some french kissing.. can't remember the last time that happened.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *discouraged1 said *: If I got groped by a woman I would probably drop a load right there. Got wood just by walking through the store the other day. New pair of short rubbing me in a way I was not used to.. Ha!
> Come to think of it I might just blow a load by some french kissing.. can't remember the last time that happened


Discouraged, stories like yours anger me... :FIREdevil: they are very hard to read, I want to lash out at your wife. To live a life without passion & enthusiam, never feeling wanted, devoid of touch - with the woman who vowed to love, cherish & take care of you, I can't see how this doesn't affect every moment of every day.... I would be a walking basketcase crying every day, and pissed off at the world. It would drain the life out of me.

How you overcome something like this, when you are a sexual being... how do you do that ?? How you lasted this many years, I can't even go there in my mind. 

I feel for you Discouraged1


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> Dr. Thanks but *no go on the counselling*.. we have tried games, books, toys, etc. but it never gets used or is very short lived.
> She would be seriously pissed if I even mentioned taking her picture or video.. she won't even respond to simple text messages.


Hi discouraged ~

Even if she won't go to counselling, consider getting yourself into IC so you can get some support and work through the process of what the best way to move forward is.

Best wishes.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I'm sorry, but she is not being a good wife to you in a lot of ways. There's no excuse.
> 
> Sounds like you might be facing a really tough decision.


Agreed. I would definitely do a 180 and a MAP with the intent of taking care of yourself and becoming a better version of you. If your wife comes to the table this time, great. If not, you'll be ready to attract someone who will take care of you and appreciate you. I don't get why spouses don't see their partners needs for sex as important. 

A few nibbles of attention from people in your social media circle may do the trick. One pretty innocent comment from a distant female friend was enough to turn my wife's frozen antenna. Sounds like you will need more than that. It's too bad you didn't have a "good" female friend who would help you stage some attention getting gestures (one there was no possibility of interest or relationship with). I know its scary to contemplate the possibilities. Hopefully you will find the answer you're looking for and you'll get what you want.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Discouraged, stories like yours anger me... :FIREdevil: they are very hard to read, I want to lash out at your wife. To live a life without passion & enthusiam, never feeling wanted, devoid of touch - with the woman who vowed to love, cherish & take care of you, I can't see how this doesn't affect every moment of every day.... I would be a walking basketcase crying every day, and pissed off at the world. It would drain the life out of me.
> 
> How you overcome something like this, when you are a sexual being... how do you do that ?? How you lasted this many years, I can't even go there in my mind.
> 
> I feel for you Discouraged1


Simply, Thank you so much.. you are very sweet.
It has been a difficult road and I have felt alone many years. She doesn't get it and I don't think she ever will. It may be time for me to get myself together do the 180 and high tail it out of here. I just can't see it in her to change or if she does it will be very temporary.
She loves to hug on the kids but not me.
I think it's time.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

I touch my fiance more frequently than he likes, actually. I love groping him in the car, under tables, etc but he doesn't like it so I don't.  We compromise- I am allowed to grab his ass pretty much whenever I want as long as it isn't at a time that would be embarrassing for him.

I'm sorry that your wife is so cold regarding sex. :/ I third the suggestion to have her read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. If nothing else, it is food for thought for her regarding how emotionally damaging it can be to withhold sex.

It really sounds like she has zero desire to change, and I am sorry that you are receiving emotional abuse for it. You are not a "sex addict" or warped for wanting to have sex with your wife... If she won't get counseling of some sort to deal with her hang-ups regarding sex, you might need to find someone else who will meet your emotional needs.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

discouraged1 said:


> So I just want to check my own sanity here and ask the forums a poll question.
> Since my wife really never touches me anywhere I want to see what everyone else may experience. Interested in mostly the intimate touching below the waist. Can't remember the last time she did.


Thanks for all the responses here and those that participated in the poll.. At least I know I am not the only man that does not get touched below the belt.. whew.
Today is my birthday and I will ask for the elusive BJ with full expectation to be turned down by an excuse. If I get lucky she will get on top for a few minutes.. Yeah Haw!


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

Happy Birthday


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

discouraged1 said:


> Thanks for all the responses here and those that participated in the poll.. At least I know I am not the only man that does not get touched below the belt.. whew.
> Today is my birthday and I will ask for the elusive BJ with full expectation to be turned down by an excuse. If I get lucky she will get on top for a few minutes.. Yeah Haw!


My own view is that specifically asking for a bj when you have a problematic sex life is worse than merely useless. If she is just going to be annoyed by the request, then you have to accept that ...at least that particular fact....which is not to be confused with the question of whether you want to stay married to someone where there is no reasonable prospect of a satisfying sex life.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

OldGirl said:


> Happy Birthday


Thank you! It was great..


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