# Forum Newbie - And in pain!



## WhenYouKnow (Oct 17, 2009)

Hello all. I chose to try to post something here today to get an unbiased opinion. I can talk to my friends but I've always felt that their opinions are clouded by how they feel about my husband. So here goes.

It's really hard to give you a short background. I come from a dysfunctional family. Met my husband 14 years ago. It was my 18th. He was 38 and separated. He shared custody of two girls. I moved in after knowing him only 3 weeks.

On again, off again for first couple of years. Proposes as a way to keep me, in a CREMETORIUM! And yes I still feel ripped off about that. Got married 9 years ago, have had 3 beautiful children (i wouldn't change that for one single moment). 

So here's the thing. I've felt trapped for years. I got counselling at the beginning of the year to try and put our marriage back together. The counsellor, which was his choice, has done wonders for me working through some stuff that i'd been carrying around for years before even meeting him. But alas, it's also helped me see my feelings more clearly. 

Now I feel like someone that is being held captive by the emotional manipulations of a passive-agressive. Every time I've considered walking out, he pulls the face, the tears, the but i love you, when in actual fact I've always felt that the reason why he hooked me was because and I quote from him "the men in my family were never meant to be alone". We are great companions, but anything more intimate than that I'm to the point of repulsion. He's a kind and caring man who is perfect for someone,,,,, just not me. 

How do i push past the wall of emotional manipulation to finally see clear to a new life. 

I've contemplated having an affair at many times, but when it comes down to the crunch, i can't go there. My husband doesn't deserve that... but sometimes after being accused of it so many damn times i sit and wonder why the hell I haven't... at least he'd have something to blame. I'm not denying i've had feelings for someone who knows my situation, but we both know nothing would come of it. And i've been contemplating this break for more than a couple of years, because i want to be able to tell my children, that we did try everything and that no other person could be blamed for contributing to our marriages demise. Some days though, it would be a welcome escape just to get a hug!

Any advice?
When You Know


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

WhenYouKnow said:


> How do i push past the wall of emotional manipulation to finally see clear to a new life.


what's the wall of emotional manipulation? is it because he cries, etc when you try to leave? the only way i can see that he could manipulate you into staying is if there's a reason you actually want to stay. so if you can identify what he is manipulating, then you can identify why you are staying. what it comes down to is you changing your own feelings about staying or leaving. he cant manipulate you if you dont want to stay. he can only manipulate you if you feel guilty about leaving. its not him you have to deal with- its you.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and realize that you can't live your life for someone else. You have to accept the guilt that goes with his outbursts and just walk away.

And maybe the counselor can help you talk to him.


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