# Husband keeping me isolated to try and punish me??



## July7 (Aug 8, 2012)

Okay, I wrote in here a few days back about my husband and I and some of our issues. I came to the conclusion I was really going to divorce him and I filed the paperwork. He knows that I am fed up with him and over everyhting in our marriage. 

Well we got in this fight today (when do we not fight?) and he just left, knowing that I have to use the vehicle to buy school supplies for our child. He says he will be home when he is home when I asked him to come home so I can run the errands I said I would do. 

He always does this as a control mechanism and leaves us here for how ever long and finally comes home. We have one vehicle (that is in my name). He siad he will "take me" to get the supplies tomorrow when he gets off work. I have called the police before about this, and they say that because we are married, everyhting that is mine is his also. The sad thing is that our daughter starts school tomorrow and has no supplies whatsoever . Do I have any rights at all and has anyone ever gone through this before?


He does stuff like this alot. He has all control over our food card, even though it has my name on it, he says I cannot be trusted with it because I will loose it. He hides the keys from me so I cannot use them. He takes the vehicle to work leaving the kids and I here without any means of getting anywhere. I feel so trapped and I thought by me filing for divorce that may open his eyes and help me to not feel so confined. Well it made things way worse!

I cannot wait to get out of this hell! I know it takes two to fight and I have not been so friendly lately to him. He is staying at minimum wage job (grateful he is working) but it is barely paying half our rent and some gas! When I have addressed him to get a new job, he gets angry and won't listen, storms away and tells me I am ungrateful. I want to work, but I just had a baby 2 months early and I have spent most of my time with her! 

He refuses to buy the supplies on his own because he is angry with me. There is no insurance on the vehicle because he doesnt make enough to pay it... I hate driving it but feel I am back against a wall. My daughter needs things, how can he be so heartless to not get them for her?

My main concern is him leaving us here, confines us on purpose. It punishes not only me, but our kids. Can I do anything to stop this from happening while I am stuck here with him? I don't know when I could ever get the keys from him. Thats what I want to do! I want to leave, but I also feel trapped because my dad lives in town but has 5 boys and a wife, he doesnt have enough room for four more people in his home. thats all I have... 

Sorry so long. Guess this is more of a rant than anyhting. I just feel so alone and I hate it.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Sorry to hear about your situation. Its never good when one person makes the majority of the money and controls the other like this. I hope u guys can work something out. Have u all gone to counseling yet?


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## 505 (Aug 13, 2012)

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say that you're not alone. There are plenty of ppl in the same situation as you. Plus, there's a lot of ppl here that don't mind reading your rants and will at least be here to listen and let you get all of those emotions out ((hugs)).


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Get one of those steering wheel lock devices so he can't take the car without your consent and make a copy of the car keys and don't ever let him get his hands on them.


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## Nala051 (Jul 21, 2012)

What he's doing sounds like emotional abuse! Since you're filing for divorce, will you be living with him much longer? I know how you feel though, my SO is very controlling too. You're not alone, you will get a lot of good advice here!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

OK, your dad lives in town. Does he know what's going on? Is there any way he could come get you to run errands, etc. until you can leave? Regarding the food card: remove him as an authorized user. Call the number associated with it (or call DHS if you don't have that number). Report your card lost. Get a new pin for it as well. And for crying out loud, don't give the replacement card to him when it comes! You can't access funds in the interim tho. Do all you can right now to be as independent FROM HIM as possible. In the divorce papers, did you request the vehicle since it is in your name already?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Nala051 said:


> What he's doing sounds like emotional abuse!


Yep. I jokingly said this on another forum, but it seems like it could theoretically work: drug him with a date rape drug. Put half empty alcohol bottle in his hand, take pictures. Video tape how asleep he is (gently kick his leg to try to wake him). Use all of this as proof that he's an out of control alcoholic. Win in divorce court.


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## July7 (Aug 8, 2012)

Monty4321 said:


> Sorry to hear about your situation. Its never good when one person makes the majority of the money and controls the other like this. I hope u guys can work something out. Have u all gone to counseling yet?


we have been to counseling twice. =/ I guess it really didnt work!

Sharkeey that sounds like a great idea! I probably will end up doing that! I am not going to allow this to happen anymore... H e would be super pissed but he can't get away with stuff like this anymore.

Nala, I don't know where we will end up going but I am trying to figure out where we will move to. My options seem very limited right now.

Maricha75 my dad and step mom probably would take me to do errands. I am very embarrassed to tell them about this. I feel like I shouldnt have to make them waste their time because my husband is being a douche. I guess its time for me to stop being so prideful. Thats a great idea about the foodcard. I need to call them asap. I wouldnt put it past him to drain it out tonight because he is so pissed at me. I don't know why I havent cancelled it before...

I did not put the vehicle in the divorce papers. I should have. The reason why is because it needs a new transmission badly. But I should have said I wanted to keep it because I will have no way of getting around.  I feel like such an idiot right now...

ShawnD, even though he deserves it, i would feel too guilty! lol. Ver funny though.


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## Sunshine33 (Aug 4, 2012)

I feel for you, my husband treats me the same way about our car. He used OUR savings to buy himself a car after we were married, and in the entire year we have lived together, he has never put me on the insurance. I sold my POS car before i moved 3000 miles away from home to be with him. I have to ask him to use it. But of course, he sees nothing wrong with this and I'm the problem because I don't work. There is no bus service where we live, so that is not an option for me. It's a big sh*t circle.


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## Ange Barnes (Aug 13, 2012)

Do you have a trustworthy third party - a mutual friend who has both your interests at heart who can offer some reasoning? Perhaps there is someone he trusts who can talk to him on your behalf. Surely he doesn't want to see his kids suffer!


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## July7 (Aug 8, 2012)

Ange Barnes said:


> Do you have a trustworthy third party - a mutual friend who has both your interests at heart who can offer some reasoning? Perhaps there is someone he trusts who can talk to him on your behalf. Surely he doesn't want to see his kids suffer!


I can bring his Dad into this.. However, his Dad would probably end up defending him since I filed for divorce. Sad thing is that they believe in staying married at any cost which is crazy to me! So no, I really do not feel I have anyone that would be willing to reason. I wish that I did. It would really help right now. He did it again tonight. I tried to go somewhere and he grabbed the keys. 

He told me tonight if I want to leave he would give me the keys if I would leave the kids. I am almost tempted to just lie and tell him fine, I won't take the kids and then hurry, get them and leave! I cannot take another minute with him.


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