# Line crossed and I'm a coward for not walking



## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

I said I was walking last week, I even went down to the courthouse and made sure all my paperwork was in order. He's been abusive for the last year or so with daily outburst and he is totally absent in our relationship for the last 3 years literally gone almost every day off he had. I felt I should tell him about how I was ready to leave and give him one last chance. It went alright for a few days till I ran into one of his drinking buddies and had a conversation that went something like this:

Him: hey how are you?
Me: alright.
Him: Has he (my hubby) been more of a **** to you lately?
me: yeah
him: I could tell by the way hes been talking about you and his 
attitude lately
Me: he just outta curiosity was he at the bar with you guys the other day cause thats what he told me
him: Thats a lie! you know I dont really like the guy or his mentality about women you guys have been together for a while so you know how he is.
Me: interesting...I know that Dawn chick works there and I've always wondered about her
Him: He probably ****ed her...I know they went to the river with her a few times last summer...with your dog and her dog.
Me: he told me he was with you and your dad like every weekend last summer

I decided to investigate and called this friends dad and asked him about how often he was with the hubby and he said only 3 or 4 times. I asked him about the bar and he said he doesn't go to bars.

So I confront the husband about lying about who he was with at the bar. He had originally told me he was there for John's birthday(roommate of his buddies). Once confronted he admitted to it being Dawns birthday, he said he was just there for a few minutes and never even went in and her boyfriend was there grabbing her booty and all.

I took it further and told him what his friend had said about going to the river with her. He swears it was only once and nothing happened, admits to how wrong it was and says all he can do is try to be a better man. He also changed his story about how he meet her. Then he left to kick the ass of the guy who told me this and ended up drinking with them all night. WTF!? If what the guy said was a lie than why would he hang out? If what he said was true, why would he still hang out?

The thing is I'm not sure I can get over this. He cheated early in the relationship and I was finally starting to forgive, and as much as I'd like to I have felt in my gut for almost a year, when I first heard of this OW that something happened and this just confirms it in my mind. I was pregnant when all this happened and that just makes it all so worse. I'm so pissed I can't even look at him. He won't talk and I doubt counseling is going to happen hes refused for a few years now. Finally don't even get me started on not wanting to have sex cause that just makes me upset too. Its all so disheartening how the hell can people treat others like this? How have I gotten so insecure with myself I cannot walk? I don't understand the mentality of him or his kind...guess I'm just old fashioned and just want someone to share life with not hide and run from the person I had kids with.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I know for myself, I COULD NOT LIVE with someone i didn't trust.

Which is why I'm divorcing my husband. Not for cheating, but for lack of trust.

You need to do a lot of soul searching...


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

It's time to start crossing the road and get to the other side. (note the chicken reference) This relationship (if that is what you want to call it) is damaging and destructive to you and your kid(s). Make a plan and stick with it. You know better and now is the time to do better! Good luck!!


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

This guys is obviously not living up to his end of the marriage vows. It looks like he thinks he can just lie to your face and think that your so gullible that your just gonna believe him. Tells you to your face im gonna work on it and be a better guy then runs off and spend the rest of the night in the bar. Rug sweeps gas lights, denies plus your mention of the history. He has no respect for you and its time to find your self respect and start thinking about number 1 and that is you..


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Read the newbie thread by AlmostRecovered and the 180 - very helpful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

Can you post the link to that thread? I cannot find it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this 
The Healing Heart: The 180


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Follow through on your groundwork and just keep going, 1 step at a time. Don't look back, don't talk unless it is about the divorce or the kids. You already know, if his mouth is moving, he is lying. Your life will get better, if you make it so.


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## goshjosh (Mar 23, 2013)

No one here wants a D. That's why the A is so hard for us. 

Whether there were problems in the marriage or not, we were, for better or worse, committed to it. Be it morals, religion, love, whatever. Then this other person (whom we love so much) throws a giant curve ball our way. We deny it for so long until the ugly truth cannot be hidden. We don't want a D. We didn't ask for it. We tell ourselves that we are making the choice to walk away, but really the WS made the choice for us. 

At least for me, that is why it hurts so much. That is where the doubt comes from. 

I am sorry you are here. Please read the posts on this site. They will bring you solace and comfort knowing you are not alone.

You have a lot of thinking to do. 

I am still in the midst of my thinking and cannot give you advice or answers from the other side, but be strong and be selfish. You deserve to take care of yourself now.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

goshjosh said:


> No one here wants a D. That's why the A is so hard for us.
> 
> Whether there were problems in the marriage or not, we were, for better or worse, committed to it. Be it morals, religion, love, whatever. Then this other person (whom we love so much) throws a giant curve ball our way. We deny it for so long until the ugly truth cannot be hidden. We don't want a D. We didn't ask for it. We tell ourselves that we are making the choice to walk away, but really the WS made the choice for us.
> 
> ...


Yes, D is hard. Very. And you're correct that none of us asked to be thrown in the the situation we find ourselves in. 

But worse than walking away is staying in limbo. That's where the OP is.

In a better world, we would all have spouses who are faithful and none of us would ever have to deal with a situation like this.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

This man is a classic lying manipulator. He says all the right things to pull you in, means none of them, and does none of them. He is not marriage material, boyfriend material, friend material. He is the lowest of all lowest of males species. 

You must get strong and leave him. He will only bring you misery, heartache, upset, mental health problems and STD's. Nothing positive will ever come from being with this man. 

I just hope he has something within that will make him be a good father, though I doubt that also. Sorry.


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## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

Limbo is indeed not fun...he refuses to admit anything happened he is in total denial. Be both know he just wont admit it. He called her twice yesterday still haven't found out why. I'd love to get some solid proof that would make limbo unnecessary.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

He already knows it bothers you, and he called her anyway. That is a level of disrespect that should be intolerable. What more do you need?

Are you scared of what will happen if you let him go? Imagine you are in a swimming pool, you are holding on to a 200 pound anchor. How well can you swim? You can't, you're getting pulled under, painting, you can't breathe, and eventually, you are going to drown. This man is an anchor! Let him go! Then you'll be able to figure out which way is up, and swim for the surface! It might not happen right away, but everyday things will get a little bit brighter without him dragging you down.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

This limbo is unnecessary, give yourself permission to save yourself, to walk away.


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