# Am I just old school, or is this just the ultimate disrespect for me?



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

OK, so I found out, you moved out and RIGHT into the home of the OW. You say you had no choice, but actually you do... you have a PT job, you have some money in the bank, you COULD have done the thing with a bit more integrity after you dealt me so much hurt and pain and indignity.

So now, you are openly having an affair while we are still married... 1/2 mile from where me and your pre teen and teen children live.

I mean, you say you are sorry for what you have done, but how sorry could you be?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

This is, indeed, disrespectful. I understand your pain. My estranged husband did something similar plus many other things. However, he never even said he was sorry. Even if he had it would have been a lie. Clearly your husband is not remorseful. He is only sorry he got caught.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

827Aug said:


> This is, indeed, disrespectful. I understand your pain. My estranged husband did something similar plus many other things. However, he never even said he was sorry. Even if he had it would have been a lie. Clearly your husband is not remorseful. He is only sorry he got caught.


I know, honestly, if he EVER loved me, you'd think he'd have a bit more care for the hurt and indignity he is causing me. Not only that he now CANNOT see his children but for outings-- I won't allow them to the OW's place.

3 weeks ago for God sake, they thought we were a normal married couple in it for the long haul -- oh and we had no power for 8 days from a storm, he brought the generator to the OWs apartment while me and his children froze in the dark.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Woman up and tell him adios. I know, easier said than done, but he's an unfaithful, unrepentant and disrespectful loser. Your self respect is more important and should never be compromise for a man who cares nothing for his wife or his children. Sorry for the rant but I have zero tolerance for these bozos.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

morituri said:


> Woman up and tell him adios. I know, easier said than done, but he's an unfaithful, unrepentant and disrespectful loser. Your self respect is more important and should never be compromise for a man who cares nothing for his wife or his children. Sorry for the rant but I have zero tolerance for these bozos.


Already done... he is going to be served today. But it doesn't make my shock and hurt any less.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Already done... he is going to be served today. *But it doesn't make my shock and hurt any less.*


Of course not and that's because you grieve for the loss of the man you once knew and loved but is now gone forever. The man who now inhabits his body is a despicable stranger.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

morituri said:


> Woman up and tell him adios. I know, easier said than done, but he's an unfaithful, unrepentant and disrespectful loser. Your self respect is more important and should never be compromise for a man who cares nothing for his wife or his children.


:iagree:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

(Minor thread jack. My apologies to the OP)

Great to see you back Jelly.

(end of thread jack)


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He's white trash.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

morituri said:


> (Minor thread jack. My apologies to the OP)
> 
> Great to see you back Jelly.
> 
> (end of thread jack)


 

::*waves at Mori*::


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> He's white trash.


If he's even white. No matter though--he's still trash.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> If he's even white. No matter though--he's still trash.


He is.. I am waiting to her from my attorney on how serving him papers goes... I am trying to decide what to say if he texts me or anything.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> He is.. I am waiting to her from my attorney on how serving him papers goes... I am trying to decide what to say if he texts me or anything.


basically ignore anything that isnt important, like about the kids


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> He is.. I am waiting to her from my attorney on how serving him papers goes... I am trying to decide what to say if he texts me or anything.


Go dark!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> He is.. I am waiting to her from my attorney on how serving him papers goes... I am trying to decide what to say if he texts me or anything.


You are not emotionally strong enough to deal with him right w/ regards to anything other than your children. 

So my advice, as the above poster suggested, is to only discuss co-parenting issues. Anything else he has to say --fck him. No, don't tell him to fck himself, but basically don't respond to anything that isn't an emergency and/or involves the kids.

You owe him nothing at this point. And you will probably want to
strangle him anytime he brings up anything unrelated to the children. So going no contact w/ him about anything except for the kids is the way to go.

When do you meet with an attorney? Protect yourself.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Go dark!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So nothing?? Not even like, isn't this what you wanted?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> So nothing?? Not even like, isn't this what you wanted?


the best way to show someone you are over them is to take them out of your life (the opposite of love is indifference not hate)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> So nothing?? Not even like, isn't this what you wanted?


Nah. Don't waste your time or breath.

This is what he wanted since he 1. lied to you, 2. still had her in the background, and worst of all, 3. moved straight in with the OW just a half mile from your marital home.

He does not deserve your time, affection, concern, care, worry, none of it. 

You owe him absolutely nothing.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> the best way to show someone you are over them is to take them out of your life (the opposite of love is indifference not hate)


I guess I was hoping it would upset him somehow


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I guess I was hoping it would upset him somehow



I understand that but ignoring him is actually better for you than it is to spite him. It helps you move on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't worry about "upsetting" him. Best thing you can do is remove yourself completely from his life except re: the kids. This is done not only so you can begin to heal, but also as a way to protect yourself from further emotional hurt by him. 

Nothing sends a clouder message of _I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE_ than just going dark on him.

Oh and there's nothing old school/new school about your situation. The fact is, he did the most trifling thing that one can do to their spouse--he moved in with his affair partner, while still married to you w/o even filing separation and/or a divorce. And worst-- he doesn't even have the balls to own it.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Please get solid evidence to back the primary custody you will seek, as well as support financially that is due those children.

Something your lawyer can use...


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Please get solid evidence to back the primary custody you will seek, as well as support financially that is due those children.
> 
> Something your lawyer can use...


What kind of evidence?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Have you informed you attorney to put a clause in the divorce papers to prohibit him from taking the children over to the OW's home?


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> You are not emotionally strong enough to deal with him right w/ regards to anything other than your children.
> 
> So my advice, as the above poster suggested, is to only discuss co-parenting issues. Anything else he has to say --fck him. No, don't tell him to fck himself, but basically don't respond to anything that isn't an emergency and/or involves the kids.
> 
> ...


She is going to call me after the papers are served.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> He is.. I am waiting to her from my attorney on how serving him papers goes... I am trying to decide what to say if he texts me or anything.


You need to go NC except for the kids Lisa.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

ok, i will ignore any mention of it


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

In regards to evidence I hope youve explained to your attorney his current living arrangement, and in terms of custody what could be used to justify the approval for full custody for you of those children. I wouldnt sit outside in a car and snap pictures or anything, but just ask the attorney what would be submissible or necessary to strengthen your position.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

morituri said:


> Have you informed you attorney to put a clause in the divorce papers to prohibit him from taking the children over to the OW's home?


yes


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> In regards to evidence I hope youve explained to your attorney his current living arrangement, and in terms of custody what could be used to justify the approval for full custody for you of those children. I wouldnt sit outside in a car and snap pictures or anything, but just ask the attorney what would be submissible or necessary to strengthen your position.


ok thanks


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

One more question... was this wrong to do? My stbx got my daughter's car door fixed, I texted him thank you... I should have ignored it huh?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

meh, not the end of the world. It was related to the kids after all


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That's fine, Lisa (what you texted) but I wouldn't do that again in the future. Your daughter can thank him directly for anything he helps he rwith.

GO DARK. STAY DARK. Make sure you file for child support (and spousal support if applicable).


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