# Conflicted Feelings over Wife's Exposure



## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

I'm fairly new here, but I had an experience a little while back that I'm still attempting to sort through. 

I am fortunate to be married to a very attractive woman. If anything, she's gotten more attractive over time. We got together when we were both still in high school. Our sex life is pretty good as well. I don't have many complaints.

When we were young and dating, my wife was pretty oblivious about exposing herself. She'd wear skirts and sit with her legs in a manly cross. Her shirts tended to gape when she bent forward, exposing a lot. She's also just fairly accident prone, having things happen to her that you couldn't fake. For example, one time her shirt ripped off while she was jumping over a fence.

As a young man, I had extremely mixed feelings about this. I'll admit to a bit of a voyeur fetish, but knowing that these things occurred when I wasn't around drove me crazy. Over time, I decided that this was something I wasn't going to change. I decided instead to sort of embrace that part about her. It was never trashy or inappropriate per se, just truly oblivous. To be honest, I sort of encouraged her to sexy up her wardrobe a bit. I sort of figured if it was going to happen, I wanted to see it and have her look good.

Then things went a bit farther than I expected. We were with my kids at a play area where their shoes needed to come off. I was on the other side of the room. I look over at her. She's wearing a dress, and as she moves back and forth, I can see a touch of her panties. There are a lot of people around. I mean a lot of people. Before I figure out how to react, she put her foot up on a ledge to mess with her shoe. When she did this, her legs opened up. She was wearing transparent underwear, and you could see everything. Nothing to the imagination. This went on for a good minute plus. I was sort of shocked, and I can imagine that 100 people saw what was going on before I sort of stood in the way. I told her what happened after the fact. She was clearly embarrassed, but sort of shrugged it off.

A few months later, I was surfing an adult stories site, when I came across a story that perfectly matched my wifes. In fact, based on some details I am essentially 100% sure it was her. I admitted that it was on there for her, because I thought she deserved to know. She reacted strangely. The story was very flattering. On one hand, she seemed embarrassed. Otherwise though, she'd bring it up periodically around sex, and even had me post a picture online of her parts (something she'd never even dreamed of doing before). She'd then ask me if people said anything nice about it.

I have very mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I don't know how I feel about so many people seeing her. Over 20,000 have looked at the picture and read the story. In the same vein, I find myself incredibly turned on by it. When I think about it, we have incredible sex. I have to say, the story made it clear that the individual was jealous, and I am very turned on by the idea of having this woman that he can't have. I almost want to make it happen again. It sort of does to a degree periodically, but never that dramatically.

I don't know. Anyone else have a similar experience? Am I just crazy?


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

I can't be the only person that's had this type of experience. Perhaps mine was a little extreme, but it would certainly help to see how others have felt about it. On the other side, how do woman feel about things like this? It's having a strange impact on my sex life. My wife clearly thinks about it, but her reactions are beyond bipolar.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I read your post earlier and didn't know what to say. I still don't, really. Sounds to me like your wife is an exhibitionist and enjoys being one. I would be horrified if my husband felt that way myself, but to each their own I guess.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I really can't comment unless I see some pictures:


I think it could be a slippery slope what if she like people seeing her and starts to show off when your not around.hmmmmmmmmmmm. best to keep it at a mimimum I think


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

I think you are both dancing around a shared kink. If she likes to be an exhibitionist and it turns you on, I don't see the harm if you do it together. Could be a whole new part of your sex life.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

seeking sanity said:


> I think you are both dancing around a shared kink. If she likes to be an exhibitionist and it turns you on, I don't see the harm if you do it together. Could be a whole new part of your sex life.


You see, I thought that. The problem is I really think that all of this has largely been driven by being totally oblivious. If she was really totally into it, I figured she'd be more excited and less ambivalent. Who knows, maybe she's embarrassed and excited at the same time. I wonder how a woman would feel in this situation. She's been less than forthcoming about that.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

What is your concern?

You fear it is something that she will start doing consciously to seek attention?

The idea of her being seen turns you on?

Feel like I'm missing something.

I have had girlfriends in the past go out without panties and the like ... but it was for me. It was part of the tease of knowing exactly where our night was going. There was nothing oblivious about it, nor would they unwittingly expose themselves to a roomful of strangers.


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## Jen S (Nov 10, 2011)

rogergrant said:


> You see, I thought that. The problem is I really think that all of this has largely been driven by being totally oblivious. If she was really totally into it, I figured she'd be more excited and less ambivalent. Who knows, maybe she's embarrassed and excited at the same time. I wonder how a woman would feel in this situation. She's been less than forthcoming about that.


Roger, for years I told my husband I was oblivious in these situations. I wasn't. It was my thing and I liked it, still do. He's okay with it and I think it's not so bad. It's really up to you guys if this becomes something or not. But what's the harm?


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

Deejo said:


> What is your concern?
> 
> You fear it is something that she will start doing consciously to seek attention?
> 
> ...



Concern isn't really the right word. As I said, I've come to like it. In a way, I think I'm just seeking validation for the way I feel about this. I figured that if others felt the same way, It might seem a touch more normal. I guess the more I think about it though, the less it bothers me and the more excited it makes me. I'm really quite proud of my wife. I really have no concern that she desires to stray, so it's really more of a feather in my cap .

Nevertheless, I don't think that either of us (truly and honestly) expected this particular event to occur. I guess it's the magnitude that makes me a little bit uncomfortable.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Jen S said:


> Roger, for years I told my husband I was oblivious in these situations. I wasn't. It was my thing and I liked it, still do. He's okay with it and I think it's not so bad. It's really up to you guys if this becomes something or not. But what's the harm?


Is he really okay with it? Doesn't seem like it from the few times he's posted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

Jen S said:


> Roger, for years I told my husband I was oblivious in these situations. I wasn't. It was my thing and I liked it, still do. He's okay with it and I think it's not so bad. It's really up to you guys if this becomes something or not. But what's the harm?


I guess the potential harm would be to her reputation, or if someone posted a not so anonymous image online. Right now, the anonymity makes everything OK.

The other thing, is that while I've been able to get over everything in the past, I used to be extremely jealous over this sort of thing. Until I was able to let that go, I ran around with images in my head about what other people must have seen. Maybe she wasn't always totally oblivious. I don't know, but some the things that happened with her couldn't have been staged. I had to sort of rehash all of these events with her in detail to feel comfortable that I knew everything. That's when I was able to let the jealousy go and let the sense of fetish sort of take over. I'm always a little concerned that it will start to bother me again.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Next time you take her out to dinner, suggest that she doesn't wear panties, or a bra ... see how that flies.

If It is CONTRIBUTING to your connection with your wife, then I'm all for it. If it start to take on a life of it's own for either of you, and diminishes the relationship, then it's time to take another look.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

rogergrant said:


> I don't know. Anyone else have a similar experience? Am I just crazy?


I have seen people on the boards with similar experiences. BUT, I think that the experience needs to be mutual - in otherwords, you BOTH need to want to do this and it needs to be mutually satisfying to both of you.

We did have one poster this summer who posted online pics of his wife for comment without letting her know he had taken pics of her, and we've had a number of others who violated their wife's privacy by taking pics while they were sleeping, etc. Don't do that.

Make sure that everything is out in the open between you two. Discuss the boundaries of this with your wife and how far you may be willing to go (and the dangers that may be involved in posting pics online), and make sure that you are both willing to cease and desist if it ever becomes more than what either one of you desires.

Best wishes.


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## Jen S (Nov 10, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> Is he really okay with it? Doesn't seem like it from the few times he's posted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, he's okay with it. I've been doing it for years and he had no problem once we discussed why I was doing it. I think for me it's something I want to expand on and it hasn't caused a problem.


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## Jen S (Nov 10, 2011)

rogergrant said:


> I guess the potential harm would be to her reputation, or if someone posted a not so anonymous image online. Right now, the anonymity makes everything OK.
> 
> The other thing, is that while I've been able to get over everything in the past, I used to be extremely jealous over this sort of thing. Until I was able to let that go, I ran around with images in my head about what other people must have seen. Maybe she wasn't always totally oblivious. I don't know, but some the things that happened with her couldn't have been staged. I had to sort of rehash all of these events with her in detail to feel comfortable that I knew everything. That's when I was able to let the jealousy go and let the sense of fetish sort of take over. I'm always a little concerned that it will start to bother me again.


I think jealousy can be a real problem in any marriage, so make sure if you're going to do these things that you both feel okay with it.


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I really can't comment unless I see some pictures:
> 
> 
> I think it could be a slippery slope what if she like people seeing her and starts to show off when your not around.hmmmmmmmmmmm. best to keep it at a mimimum I think


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

It sounds really hot but be very careful. Have your guys made a porno together? That way you can have it on a dvd and watch it any time you wanted. My DH put it on his phone so he can take it with him  

How about if she got some totally hot pics done at a studio or hotel room for you.....the possibilities are endless, just keep it for the two of you.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

Jen S said:


> I think jealousy can be a real problem in any marriage, so make sure if you're going to do these things that you both feel okay with it.


Well that's just it. With the exception of posting a very anonymous picture after the fact, no one really DID anything. I didn't ask her to do what she did, and I'm still fairly sure she didn't mean to do it. There's really been nothing to do. I mean, I guess I could try and prevent her from wearing the things she sometimes wears if it ever came to that. However, this would probably just lead to a fight like it always used to. It seems unneccessary if I like the end result, accident or not. It's not like we're running around having her flash people as a kink.


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## Jen S (Nov 10, 2011)

rogergrant said:


> Well that's just it. With the exception of posting a very anonymous picture after the fact, no one really DID anything. I didn't ask her to do what she did, and I'm still fairly sure she didn't mean to do it. There's really been nothing to do. I mean, I guess I could try and prevent her from wearing the things she sometimes wears if it ever came to that. However, this would probably just lead to a fight like it always used to. It seems unneccessary if I like the end result, accident or not. It's not like we're running around having her flash people as a kink.


Well, if it's not a kink or anything beyond just something that happens, then I guess you don't have to do anything. I mean if she were embarrassed it would be one thing, but if she doesn't think it's a major problem, then what can you do? Ultimately it's up to her to decide if her manner of dress needs to change. I'm not saying you shouldn't have a say as her husband, but it comes down to her choice. If it was something you both enjoyed (or one of you did and the other tolerated, like in my case) then this would be a whole other issue.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> Just be careful where you do it and keep it to where it is expected and welcome (the website you mention, for example, where it has to be sought out). The last thing I want to see when I take my kids to a play area is something like that. A kink is fine but shouldn't be imposed on non-consenting innocent bystanders either.


No, I understand that. As I said, it didn't happen intentionally. I think that she has become a touch more conservative in areas around children since then. Certainly no one wants to flash kids.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

annagarret said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> It sounds really hot but be very careful. Have your guys made a porno together? That way you can have it on a dvd and watch it any time you wanted. My DH put it on his phone so he can take it with him
> 
> How about if she got some totally hot pics done at a studio or hotel room for you.....the possibilities are endless, just keep it for the two of you.


I don't know. You'd have a real problem if you ever lost your phone


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> Shouldn't be flashing adults either.


I'm going to say this again. No one intentionally flashed anyone. We both grew up in an area where skimpy attire was just normal. I used to go crazy over this, and when I finally accepted it, I grew to like it I guess. Atleast, part of me seems to like it. The flash was an accident, the story was posted by someone else who was clearly not offended by the accident, and the clothing involved was really very normal for where we're from.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

Jen S said:


> Well, if it's not a kink or anything beyond just something that happens, then I guess you don't have to do anything. I mean if she were embarrassed it would be one thing, but if she doesn't think it's a major problem, then what can you do? Ultimately it's up to her to decide if her manner of dress needs to change. I'm not saying you shouldn't have a say as her husband, but it comes down to her choice. If it was something you both enjoyed (or one of you did and the other tolerated, like in my case) then this would be a whole other issue.


I really doubt he just tolerates it Jen. He either secretly likes it or secretly hates it, but it would seem pretty uncommon for a man to be totally neutral to his wife showing her stuff intentionally to other men.


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