# Open Marriage Mistake



## CB724 (Dec 27, 2017)

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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

CB724;18852474
P.S. Please don’t tell me what a terrible human being I am and how screwed up this all is. I already k ow.[/QUOTE said:


> Uh..no, you don't really know. Or, I should say, you don't know enough, because you're asking what YOU can do about this. So, you don't get it.
> 
> You say "you're a terrible human being" and "you've ruined being only with your husband for 7 1/2 years" by having sex outside of your marriage. But what you don't get is that the ball is no longer in your court. You ask "what you should do", and should you "allow" him a one-time discretion? But why is it up to YOU to make that call? After all, it's your husband's feelings and reaction to your sex outside the marriage that are critical. So HE is the one that decides what he can live with.
> 
> ...


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

An open marriage is a F'up waiting to happen.


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## CB724 (Dec 27, 2017)

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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

CB724 said:


> It’s not that the plan with the other sexual partner didn’t work out.
> 
> *[BOf course it didn't work out. On various levels, though--he didn't respond, your surgery, your guilt, your desire to preserve your marriage, etc. Still, it didn't work out as planned, or you wouldn't have done it in the first place. *[/B]
> 
> ...



OK, it seems to me by your second post here that it is coming off like your "open marriage" proposal to your husband was really just enough "open" to suit your needs/plans, but not to his. I can see why you posted in your first post that your husband accused you of proposing the open marriage "just so you could do what you wanted" (your words). 

I am not a proponent of open marriages, because I personally think they are a bad idea. However, there are some practioners (former or current) on TAM, and I think they will tell you that you have approached the "open marriage" all the wrong way and with all the wrong intentions. I think they should speak for themselves.


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## CB724 (Dec 27, 2017)

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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

I don't think you or your husband should be married to anyone.


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## CB724 (Dec 27, 2017)

Thanks...


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

CB724 said:


> Thanks...




I didn't mean to be hurtful. I see you have deleted your original post. I'm sorry if I have made you uncomfortable.

The reason for my statement, is that you both seem extremely confused about what marriage is, you both seem callous about hurting each other sexually, both of you are insisting on your rights to have affairs/liaisons, there seems to be a lot of toxic history going back years that hasn't been resolved.


So, in that kind of environment, maybe it would be best if you were apart from one another. And took some time to be alone, and find out who you are and what you want from life.

It seems like you are pulling each other down.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

notmyrealname4 said:


> I don't think you or your husband should be married to anyone.


OK, I think the OP has had second thoughts about posting here, just as she has had second thoughts about letting her husband follow through with her "open marriage" request (after she had her "open marriage" fling first, though). 

OP, if you're still reading, tallying up how many times your husband texts other women vs. your persistent pursuit of your sex partner doesn't matter. There's no "he's more wrong" here. It's not important that he texted two women to your one guy. It may seem that way to you, but to outsiders, that scorekeeping seems petty. It's just one big mess. Hence, notmyrealname's comment which is quoted above (which seems about right to me).


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

notmyrealname4 said:


> I didn't mean to be hurtful. I see you have deleted your original post. I'm sorry if I have made you uncomfortable.
> 
> The reason for my statement, is that you both seem extremely confused about what marriage is, you both seem callous about hurting each other sexually, both of you are insisting on your rights to have affairs/liaisons, there seems to be a lot of toxic history going back years that hasn't been resolved.
> 
> ...


Actually, this says it much better than I did.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Don't you love people who already know the answer deep down inside...but chose to open up only to discover that when the hard cold facts of reality is given to them, they runaway. Out of sight out of mind as if every thing will magically fix themselves.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't get to read the initial post. Based off of what I have read, she decided that an open marriage would be a great idea because she had a side piece all laid (figuratively and literally) out and consummated the deed. She then got pissed because her husband had more options.

As the old saying goes, be careful of what you ask for! 
The hypocrisy runs deep in this one!


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Windwalker said:


> I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't get to read the initial post. Based off of what I have read, she decided that an open marriage would be a great idea because she had a side piece all laid (figuratively and literally) out and consummated the deed. She then got pissed because her husband had more options.
> 
> As the old saying goes, be careful of what you ask for!
> The hypocrisy runs deep in this one!


Definitely. If my wife came to me wanting an open relationship I'd spend the next couple weeks banging through as many of her friends as I could (and they'd be willing) and then I'd serve her with divorce papers. Life is too short for silly sh*t like "open" marriage.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Wow... I did not read the op... 

Look... You opened your marriage up. It's like pandora's box. This box cant be closed. I think it is unreasonable to close it again without your husband getting his fill. You were burned. You dont want the open marriage anymore. now your husband is playing... GOOD. he might find something better or not. You found the grass was not greener So buckle down be the best monogamous wife you can be and wait for him to crash and burn too, or run off into the hills. 

You can be upset that this was not as fun as you hoped. You can wish you never did this...BUT you did. You need to accept it at some point and move on in your actions. 

If you husband is texting with someone and going to have sex with them or 20, it's not his fault. It was yours.... 

I say let him have his fun... YOU HAD YOURS. no score keeping.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

VermiciousKnid said:


> Definitely. If my wife came to me wanting an open relationship, I'd serve her with divorce papers. Life is too short for silly sh*t like "open" marriage.


That right there is how I would handle it. Wife has no friends I would even consider in this or any other lifetime. Lol.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Sometimes the OP doesn't hear what they want to hear..... and they go bye-bye.

Sometimes hearing what you need to hear is better than what you want to hear....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Popcorn anyone?

Open marriage? License to steal...
BS


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> An open marriage is a F'up waiting to happen.


Been there, done that...

It may be okay for SOME people - but for most, especially women... nope. My ex was jealous and cheated on me. I didn't get jealous and never cheated.

But for people to jump in? nope.

Too bad the OP deleted her posts / messages. Nobody knows who she is. And I and most of us are not attacking her. Hope she returns.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

If you want to save your marriage. Get counseling. You both will NEED a lot of work.

Your husband *IS NOT FINE*. I wish we had gotten counseling 9 months, and perhaps... perhaps save my relationship.

But in the end, my ex would likely always have cheated on me.

PS: 2 months before our final breakup - she admitted to cheating on a previous person... I filed that as "uh oh". I wasn't prepared.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ok. So you wanted an open marriage, got ****ed and then got upset about your husband texting 2 women?

If that sums it up, get your silly ass into therapy. You are either incredibly messed up or just a vile human being.

Equity demands he gets laid and does so until he is satisfied.

Then maybe you can both renegotiate.


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