# What do you think happened



## cause789 (Feb 10, 2013)

Hi everybody, I had a question for you. My wife an I are recently separated but still trying to reconcile. Some days is ok at best and others not so good. The other day I went out with a guy friend to dinner. She didnt approve of him saying she doesnt trust him. Per my psychologist, I need to tell her who I was going with, where I was going, what time i would get there and leave, and call her when I left or got home to confirm. Check on all basses. She never responded to any texts or calls. I find out a couple days later that she went out to a function and at least one bar and came home after 4am. Oh left out the part about came home with two hickys on one shoulder. She told me that some random person at the bar was sucking on her shoulder and when she realized it, she left. I came up with my own conclusions of what happened in the night but what do you think? Thanks


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your chick picked up some stramge and got laid. Or she has a steady guy you are not aware of.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Came home after 4am, what do you think happened?


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## rsersen (Jan 30, 2013)

> Oh left out the part about came home with two hickys on one shoulder. She told me that some random person at the bar was sucking on her shoulder and when she realized it, she left.


Admittedly it's been a long time since I've given/received a hicky, but if my memory serves, that's definitely something you would notice while it was happening - let alone getting two!

Either she was absolutely trashed to the point where she wouldn't realize someone sucking on her, or she's lying. Neither option is very good, but I'm going to lean towards the latter. Sorry man.

Edit to add: If she left the bar after "realizing" someone was giving her hickeys, I'm sure this happened before the bar closed at 2 am. So how does she account for her time between whenever she left and 4 am?


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

cause789 said:


> Hi everybody, I had a question for you. My wife an I are recently separated but still trying to reconcile. Some days is ok at best and others not so good. The other day I went out with a guy friend to dinner. She didnt approve of him saying she doesnt trust him. Per my psychologist, I need to tell her who I was going with, where I was going, what time i would get there and leave, and call her when I left or got home to confirm. Check on all basses. She never responded to any texts or calls. I find out a couple days later that she went out to a function and at least one bar and came home after 4am. Oh left out the part about came home with two hickys on one shoulder. She told me that some random person at the bar was sucking on her shoulder and when she realized it, she left. I came up with my own conclusions of what happened in the night but what do you think? Thanks


The problem is that, if you are truly committed to reconciliation, then that's what you should be working on. Part of reconciliation is re-establishing the "us" mentality, and that can only be done by abandoning the "she and I" mentality. You're supposed to be working on your marriage right now; instead you're going out with friends. To your wife, that tells her that your marriage is coming second to your recreation and she's decided to be you at your own game.

Truthfully, I'm almost certain that she engaged in some kind of physical infidelity, whether penetrative or not I can't say. You need to demand the full story of what happened the bar and afterwards and decide if you can live with what she did. It's a guarantee that you're not going to like it.

Good luck.

— JM


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

cause789 said:


> I came up with my own conclusions of what happened in the night but what do you think? Thanks


It depends. 

If you believe her story then I have 5 boxes of bull**** to sell you. I'll even give you a 10% discount if you buy 5 more boxes.

If you don't believe her, then she cheated on you.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Cause789
You're not a teenager right? Naw, not even a 17 y/o doesn't know what happened. She got hickey's. That's teen stuff. They like to mark their territory. The boys proudly produce them. The girls proudly display them. 

Why are you separated in the first place? Her idea right? 
If she's been suspicious of your behavior - accusing you of cheating then guess what? She's likely been indulging herself for some time.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Wait you go out with a GUY friend she doesn't like but she stays out till 4am and that;s ok? Not in my book!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

What time do the bars close there? Ours close at 2:00am on Friday nights and 1:00am on Saturday nights ... people who leave the bars near closing time to have sex get home around 4:00am. Being brutally honest here. I know its very hard but I think it is the conclusion you will have to come to grips with so you can decide what to do next.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Tell her you guys move back in together or just divorce. You may want to ask her to take a polygraph and see her reaction.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> What time do the bars close there? *Ours close at 2:00am on Friday nights and 1:00am on Saturday nights ... people who leave the bars near closing time to have sex get home around 4:00am*. Being brutally honest here. I know its very hard but I think it is the conclusion you will have to come to grips with so you can decide what to do next.


Yep, as Zuri says in her song " ...there's only two things open after 2AM - hotels and thighs..."


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Oh yeah, she has cheated and has been doing so for a while now.

Accusing him of cheating is called transference. She is accusing him of the thing she is doing. In her warped mind, this somehow justifies her cheating.

That said, are you separated because of an affair that you had? All the required checking in with her makes it sound that way.

If this is the case, you may be looking at her having a revenge affair.


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## dzd&confused (Nov 27, 2012)

listen and listen carefully to what you will hear on this board. Do not be naive. Reach into your gut and ask yourself what happened. Only in your gut is the answer. No one here knows your wife better then you. What do YOU think happened? What would YOU do in that situation? Reverse roles for a second in your situation. Had you received two hickeys how would she react? Would you, an adult, stop at a hickey? I wouldn’t. Just like my soon to be x (stbx) didn’t stop at “kissing on the cheek”.

How far does she have to go before its to far for you?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

cause789 said:


> Hi everybody, I had a question for you. My wife an I are recently separated but still trying to reconcile. Some days is ok at best and others not so good. The other day I went out with a guy friend to dinner. She didnt approve of him saying she doesnt trust him. Per my psychologist, I need to tell her who I was going with, where I was going, what time i would get there and leave, and call her when I left or got home to confirm. Check on all basses. She never responded to any texts or calls. I find out a couple days later that she went out to a function and at least one bar and came home after 4am. Oh left out the part about came home with two hickys on one shoulder. She told me that some random person at the bar was sucking on her shoulder and when she realized it, she left. I came up with my own conclusions of what happened in the night but what do you think? Thanks


How long have you been separated? I had an affair 7 months into my 13 month separation. We had been trying to reconcile but at that point I was completely alone, we weren't talking, had given up all hope and was talking to a lawyer. I had never cheated in what was then 19 years of marriage. It was wrong on my part but it isn't unusual. I had vowed not to cheat during the separation but decided along the way that the divorce was a foregone conclusion. Where do you stand in your separation? You are trying to reconcile but how is it going from her perspective?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

10 months is a long time to be seperated, sh1t or get off the pot!

Your old lady loves the statue quo. She has her strange or what ever, and has you as her back up. 

Its funny how phucked up chick are when they are screwing around, they'll be damb if their man goes and gets some but they can have some anytime they want.

It might be time to find a chick that has a little more respect for you. Even one that won't insult your inteligence.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

dzd&confused said:


> listen and listen carefully to what you will hear on this board. Do not be naive. Reach into your gut and ask yourself what happened. Only in your gut is the answer. No one here knows your wife better then you. What do YOU think happened? What would YOU do in that situation? Reverse roles for a second in your situation. Had you received two hickeys how would she react? Would you, an adult, stop at a hickey? I wouldn’t. Just like my soon to be x (stbx) didn’t stop at “kissing on the cheek”.
> 
> How far does she have to go before its to far for you?


For her to try to pass that on as the truth is just insulting to you. We are adults here. Getting a hickey is for teenagers. Making out in the car is for teenagers. Adults make out and then have sex (either oral or full out PIV).


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## rasana (Feb 6, 2013)

cause789 said:


> Hi everybody, I had a question for you. My wife an I are recently separated but still trying to reconcile. Some days is ok at best and others not so good. The other day I went out with a guy friend to dinner. She didnt approve of him saying she doesnt trust him. Per my psychologist, I need to tell her who I was going with, where I was going, what time i would get there and leave, and call her when I left or got home to confirm. Check on all basses. She never responded to any texts or calls. I find out a couple days later that she went out to a function and at least one bar and came home after 4am. Oh left out the part about came home with two hickys on one shoulder. She told me that some random person at the bar was sucking on her shoulder and when she realized it, she left. I came up with my own conclusions of what happened in the night but what do you think? Thanks


Well, it is possible she was drunk, right?
Actually something similar happened to me once. I was not drunk because I do not drink, but I was on the airplane and a guy next to me apparently misread some signals (we talked about work, I did not know him at all, just a stranger) and started kissing me and touching me while I fell asleep. It was super creepy and I had to tell him to stop since I am married and love my husband. I was an adult already and so was he.

Again, anything could have happened but I think your wife's excuse is not that impossible. That's all.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

cause789 said:


> ... Per my psychologist, I need to tell her who I was going with, where I was going, what time i would get there and leave, and call her when I left or got home to confirm. Check on all basses. ...


This sounds like you are under house arrest. Ankle bracelet etc. Were you incarcerated recently? If not why the lock-down? Because it sounds like the wrong person is under surveillance.


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## still.hurting (Dec 10, 2012)

You poor thing... I think she must have been feeling a bit insecure about you going out for dinner with your mate and she took up the offer to go out after her function and was lapping up the attention other guys/guy were/was giving her... Does she know how much she means to you? Maybe by helping her understand how much she means to you, and by showing her, she may not want or feel the need to look else where? But, you must have a pretty good idea what type of person she is? IMO, saying that some guy was sucking on her neck and she told him to stop, yet she let him do it long enough to leave a mark? -sorry but that's an insult to anyone's intelligence... I would have a good talk to her about the importance of honesty in a relationship and where does she really she you and her at in one?
Good luck ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rasana (Feb 6, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> This sounds like you are under house arrest. Ankle bracelet etc. Were you incarcerated recently? If not why the lock-down? Because it sounds like the wrong person is under surveillance.


Good question - did you maybe also cheat on her?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

rasana said:


> Well, it is possible she was drunk, right?
> Actually something similar happened to me once. I was not drunk because I do not drink, but I was on the airplane and a guy next to me apparently misread some signals (we talked about work, I did not know him at all, just a stranger) and started kissing me and touching me while I fell asleep. It was super creepy and I had to tell him to stop since I am married and love my husband. I was an adult already and so was he.
> 
> Again, anything could have happened but I think your wife's excuse is not that impossible. That's all.


Yeah, ok so maybe not impossible ... but really ... she didn't notice right away, which is absurd ... and then when she did, she left the bar immediately. What happened between the time she left the bar and 4am?


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## dzd&confused (Nov 27, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> We are adults here. Getting a hickey is for teenagers. Making out in the car is for teenagers. Adults make out and then have sex (either oral or full out PIV).


agreed, and was the point i was trying to make, which is why i proposed what is acceptable. What is to far? need to figure that out. whats obvious for on-lookers takes time to sink in.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

dzd&confused said:


> agreed, and was the point i was trying to make, which is why i proposed what is acceptable. What is to far? need to figure that out. whats obvious for on-lookers takes time to sink in.


Yeah, I would probably be trying to convince myself that her explanation sounds reasonable instead of what deep-down I know to be true ... and then try to accept that ... which is why people sometimes get away with such insulting explanations.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok option 1 is she went to at till 4 am gig do trashed that she didn't notice that she let a guy give her two hickies while he was slobbering on her neck. Not to mentions she let a gut guy slobber on her Aka 1-2 base
Or 

She went to the bar. Hooked up got laid. Got marked. 

Either way she chose to let another guy get physical with her. 

Meanwhile you are on a short leash.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dzd&confused (Nov 27, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Yeah, I would probably be trying to convince myself that her explanation sounds reasonable instead of what deep-down I know to be true ... and then try to accept that ... which is why people sometimes get away with such insulting explanations.


Theres really not alot to go one from the first post. What i do know is no one "just realizes" their neck is being sucked on. Especially those who have been through the growing up stage of life. right from worng stage in relationships. I just know i couldnt accept "just realized". My thought process is that anyone would realize that was happening and would either accepted it or rejected it. tack on the 4am time frame, it sounds like it was accepted.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

dzd&confused said:


> Theres really not alot to go one from the first post. What i do know is no one "just realizes" their neck is being sucked on. Especially those who have been through the growing up stage of life. right from worng stage in relationships. I just know i couldnt accept "just realized". My thought process is that anyone would realize that was happening and would either accepted it or rejected it. tack on the 4am time frame, it sounds like it was accepted.


Ha! No, what I meant was I might try to convince myself that nothing more physical happened ... obviously nobody is going to buy the 'just realized' bit. I'm trying to put myself in the other persons shoes and I know that people can convince themselves to believe things that they know deep-down aren't true. Personally at this stage in my life, I call bullsh1t when I smell bullsh1t.


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## dzd&confused (Nov 27, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Ha! No, what I meant was I might try to convince myself that nothing more physical happened ... obviously nobody is going to buy the 'just realized' bit. I'm trying to put myself in the other persons shoes and I know that people can convince themselves to believe things that they know deep-down aren't true. Personally at this stage in my life, I call bullsh1t when I smell bullsh1t.


I hear ya JSG... denial has been my biggest downfall. Its so easy to accept and easier to ignore. Ive been in denial with the most obivous turths spitting in my face for months. It was just easier to believe then to see between the lines.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

dzd&confused said:


> agreed, and was the point i was trying to make, which is why i proposed what is acceptable. What is to far? need to figure that out. whats obvious for on-lookers takes time to sink in.


Its really was hard for me to think the unthinkable. Deniel is so strong its not to be taken lightly. So with that said one has to get out of deniel, face the reality and act.

As painful as it is, it has to be faced so one can move on with or with out there spouse. 

Even after 10 months Im sure OP's wife has been given enough space, found her self and likes what she found, to bad OP was decieved into thinking he had any part of his wifes self awareness!


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

I think it's safe to say that everyone here knows your gal is FOS.

Insulting to thy intelligence, really.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

He hasn't posted back so. I guess he figured it out for himself.

It's obvious that we have hickey-jackings happening in clubs now.
Unbelievable.

Just when I was beginning to think that clubs were wholesome moral environments where married people could go to without their partners.

Then BAM! 

Ps. As a side not, I would start attending church again if that were the case

Hickey-jackings start happening.

What's next?
Felatio-muggings at church?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Some more background info from the OP would be nice before everyone gets too crazy and goes down the rabbit hole. My thoughts are the OP was intentionally vague, and the fact that his therapist coached him on what to say to his wife prior to him going out makes me take pause before I assume the OP is the sympathetic character here. Based on what little we know, I can assume this is the actual scenario:

OP has been hanging out with toxic guy friends and may have been involved in some very inappropriate activities with these toxic guy friends, i.e. "playing the wingman and occupying lady friends while his other friend is trying to score", getting caught up in ONS a few times while out at the bars, etc. etc. For all we know, the OP went out with a suspicious friend that the wife did not like, and the OP decided that he was going out anyways and the wife went out for "revenge" fun. 

Bottom line is that until the OP gives more info that can be evaluated, I will not give him any suggestions or opinions on what he should do.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Well well I stand corrected and apologize. Glad to see you're kicking his ass to the curb.


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

I'm speechless.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

DrMathias said:


> I'm speechless.


Unfortunately, I'm not shocked at all.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Sounds like this marriage isn't going to work. Welcoming to both to the single lifestyle.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Victim789 said:


> Hi Everyone! Well, well, it seems like "cause789" is my WH, who is now on TAM!!!
> 
> Some of you are very astute! Yes indeed, Cause789 has cheated on me the ENTIRE TIME I've known him, female friend hookups, prostitutes, escorts, sex forums, craigslist ads, backpages, etc. I found out 13 days after our wedding. He hid it all from me by way of a 2nd cell phone and secret email addresses. He had prostitutes in my house when I was at work, set up "incalls", went on trips and posted CL ads for prostitutes in different cities, etc. It's absolutely disgusting. I found sex forums dating back 13 years.
> 
> ...


Wow, just wow ... well that confirms some suspicions. What a low-life. You deserve WAY better. Good for you for not taking anymore.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

hookares said:


> Sounds like this marriage isn't going to work. Welcoming to both to the single lifestyle.


It would appear cause789 needs no introduction to the single lifestyle. Been living it up like that all his life and even while "married". His moral compass lost it's magnet a long time ago.

So sorry Victim.


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## cause789 (Feb 10, 2013)

yes this is me the so called "WH". i did do some messed up things that no one should go through. i have more than remorse for what i did i have repented and changed the way i live my life. im not asking or looking for praise or pity but as im sure you all know that there are different sides to the story and you are only going to hear what how the person presents it to everyone. my whole point of putting this "hickey" story was to reaffirm that she is FOS. Physiologically it takes more than a split second to get 1 hickey let alone 2. why even be in that situation at all or how would that help this cause? I told her no going out with the guy friend she was with that night anymore but she says no she will still associate with him. not that i think he did it but more so if that was my friend there and a supposed "random guy" does that to one the girls we were with, i would do something. yes this is too far along to save she told the world about what i did. im not ashamed, i admitted all i've done and have done things to change. maybe not everything like this forum says but its 1 persons opinion coming from emotion or perhaps experience. i am going to one of the best if not the best psychologists in oahu and he says a lot of things that contradict what you "experts" say. so far, he was right for what he tells me would happen and you are right for what advice you give to her. it helped me to read your stories because its a page out of the same playbook she did with me. maybe we do belong together, she isn't respected as a lawyer here and i guess im not as a fire fighter. at the end of the day i did do most of what she said to do and nothing that i wasn't supposed to do. she will claim that i didn't and gave me a ton of chances to do simple things. we are both free now and i am waiting to get my papers to start a new life. hopefully she actually did turn them in this time and not stalling anymore. so no i will not sign a stipulation to dismiss.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dang.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

cause789 said:


> yes this is me the so called "WH". i did do some messed up things that no one should go through. i have more than remorse for what i did i have repented and changed the way i live my life. im not asking or looking for praise or pity but as im sure you all know that there are different sides to the story and you are only going to hear what how the person presents it to everyone. my whole point of putting this "hickey" story was to reaffirm that she is FOS. Physiologically it takes more than a split second to get 1 hickey let alone 2. why even be in that situation at all or how would that help this cause? I told her no going out with the guy friend she was with that night anymore but she says no she will still associate with him. not that i think he did it but more so if that was my friend there and a supposed "random guy" does that to one the girls we were with, i would do something. yes this is too far along to save she told the world about what i did. im not ashamed, i admitted all i've done and have done things to change. maybe not everything like this forum says but its 1 persons opinion coming from emotion or perhaps experience. i am going to one of the best if not the best psychologists in oahu and he says a lot of things that contradict what you "experts" say. so far, he was right for what he tells me would happen and you are right for what advice you give to her. it helped me to read your stories because its a page out of the same playbook she did with me. maybe we do belong together, she isn't respected as a lawyer here and i guess im not as a fire fighter. at the end of the day i did do most of what she said to do and nothing that i wasn't supposed to do. she will claim that i didn't and gave me a ton of chances to do simple things. we are both free now and i am waiting to get my papers to start a new life. hopefully she actually did turn them in this time and not stalling anymore. so no i will not sign a stipulation to dismiss.


Well, as you have clearly explained, we are not experts...and on that, I have to concur, so I'll only offer you my humblest opinion.....

You are a POS.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to respond to the rest of your self serving and narcissistic drivel.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

the guy said:


> Your chick picked up some stramge and got laid. Or she has a steady guy you are not aware of.


This is what I think.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Victim789 said:


> The "night out" he is talking about is the day I finally filed for divorce. Jan. 25. I went to a function to which I am on the Board for, and went out with some friends after. I got TRASHED. Yes, some dude was sucking on my shoulder. After I stuck my finger in his eye, I went outside to get my car, and low and behold: it was towed. So from 2am-4am i was at the tow truck lot getting my car. I came home to my dog and my own bed, with no one else.


Not buying that either. Neither would you if cause gave you that story

Never heard of an impound that releases vehicles at 4AM.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Not buying that either. Neither would you if cause gave you that story
> 
> Never heard of an impound that releases vehicles at 4AM.


I have, because it was me.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Not buying that either. Neither would you if cause gave you that story
> 
> Never heard of an impound that releases vehicles at 4AM.


I've had my car towed a few times over 29 years of driving and only once did I come across a place like that. So yes, that is a red flag. Also, why did it take two hickeys before she poked him in eye? 

You know what? It doesn't matter. They were separated for a reason. He betrayed her countless times with seedy women with undoubtedly the money she earned and we are arguing over whether or not she got a couple of hickeys or possibly got laid when they were separated. Would she be wrong if she let some guy bang her? Yes. Would she have been wrong to divorce him ... no, I can't believe she didn't divorce him more quickly.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

cause789 said:


> yes this is me the so called "WH". i did do some messed up things that no one should go through. i have more than remorse for what i did i have repented and changed the way i live my life. im not asking or looking for praise or pity *but as im sure you all know that there are different sides to the story and you are only going to hear what how the person presents it to everyone*. my whole point of putting this "hickey" story was to reaffirm that she is FOS. Physiologically it takes more than a split second to get 1 hickey let alone 2. why even be in that situation at all or how would that help this cause? I told her no going out with the guy friend she was with that night anymore but she says no she will still associate with him. not that i think he did it but more so if that was my friend there and a supposed "random guy" does that to one the girls we were with, i would do something. yes this is too far along to save she told the world about what i did. im not ashamed, i admitted all i've done and have done things to change. maybe not everything like this forum says but its 1 persons opinion coming from emotion or perhaps experience. i am going to one of the best if not the best psychologists in oahu and he says a lot of things that contradict what you "experts" say. so far, he was right for what he tells me would happen and you are right for what advice you give to her. it helped me to read your stories because its a page out of the same playbook she did with me. maybe we do belong together, she isn't respected as a lawyer here and i guess im not as a fire fighter. *at the end of the day i did do most of what she said to do and nothing that i wasn't supposed to do.* she will claim that i didn't and gave me a ton of chances to do simple things. we are both free now and i am waiting to get my papers to start a new life. hopefully she actually did turn them in this time and not stalling anymore. so no i will not sign a stipulation to dismiss.


Except for the obviously contradictoy bolded parts I only hear bla bla bla.

Good luck with your psychologist (is he a CSAT?) sure you need him. There's redemption.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

cause789 said:


> Hi everybody, I had a question for you. My wife an I are recently separated but still trying to reconcile. Some days is ok at best and others not so good. The other day I went out with a guy friend to dinner. She didnt approve of him saying she doesnt trust him. Per my psychologist, I need to tell her who I was going with, where I was going, what time i would get there and leave, and call her when I left or got home to confirm. Check on all basses. She never responded to any texts or calls. I find out a couple days later that she went out to a function and at least one bar and came home after 4am. Oh left out the part about came home with two hickys on one shoulder. She told me that some random person at the bar was sucking on her shoulder and when she realized it, she left. I came up with my own conclusions of what happened in the night but what do you think? Thanks


Seriously she said "when she realized some dude was sucking on her shoulder... was this dude some mystical vampire that can suck on shoulders without being noticed. I mean that is the most shallow statement I have ever heard. I mean I actually had to think really hard to come up with how someone sucks on someone else's neck, and the suckee would not realize that a sucker has A) been close enough to suck on my neck with out being noticed. B) would have been able to give the suckee a hickey without being noticed. 
Unless dude is acutally some mutated human mosquito hybrid that doesn't make any sense. 
What really happend is she made out with a dude and probably had sex. I wouldn't be surprised if you found other marks on her body that clothes easily cover up.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

Victim. I see your husband is a real piece of work but I am skeptical of what really happened that night. If you really were passed out this man would have taken advantage of you by sucking your shoulder and giving you not one but two hickeys? What was he in the eight grade?

I assume there were other people in this bar. What do you think I would do to some guy who was giving a hickey to a passed out woman? I would kick his a$$ and so would every other guy there. Having your car towed is a bad turn of event for you if true, but sounds more like a lie unless you can provide documentation which you should have.

There have been numerous woman on this board who have been quite riotous and tried to play the "victim card" only to be smoked out later as liars. So forgive my skepticism.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

What's you plan Victim? Did you file for divorce with the meaning of ending the relationship for good or with with some "let's do it and then I'd watch for a while the chance for R" attitude.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Good luck to you V789. I know you made it to the altar, so you didn't escape completely cleanly, but think of the bullet you dodged by finding his secret phone when you did. Your description of his behavior is among the worst I've ever read.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

lol wow what a loser. You're better off.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Victim789 said:


> So Cause789 called me a B and told me that he hopes I crash and die in the way to work yesterday then he hangs up. Then he said that all of us on TAM are F'ed up and we all need more help than he does and he will never look at TAM again.
> 
> His last post above insulted me professionally, which has nothing to do with any of this. I take professional insults very very very personally. He has told me that he will go around town telling everyone what a bad lawyer I am (just for fun I guess), which tells me volumes about his character. He was upset that I prepared for him to screw me over by not giving me my half of the wedding money so I told him I'd just file a motion in court and have a judge give it to me. I have proof, and I'd win hands down. He started telling me to die, I'm a B, etc so I told him lets just go through lawyers and not talk. I don't really care to listen to him callng me names anyway. It's not worth my time to hear insults.
> 
> ...




So what ur sayin is....

Ur single? *wink-wink*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Not buying that either. Neither would you if cause gave you that story
> 
> Never heard of an impound that releases vehicles at 4AM.


Really? Clearly you haven't heard the right impound services!  There are some that offer 24/7 release facilities.

Here's just one example:- http://www.a2gov.org/government/safetyservices/Police/Pages/Vehicle Impounds and Releases.aspx


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

The tow truck service/impound company I've dealt with here in Canada are 24/7. How the heck do you think they come grab your car in the middle of the night? Of course they are operating. 

I've picked up my towed car at 3-4 AM a few times.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Victim789 said:


> Haha yes I'm single now.  funny. And yes, we have tow facilities that are open 24/7. Think about it: if they're towing me at 2am, the tow company is open at 2am! It's a new car too and I was not happy to have it towed!!!! Grrr. It was my bad though. I totally parked illegally! :|


You little devil, you!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Victim789 said:


> Haha yes I'm single now.  funny. And yes, we have tow facilities that are open 24/7. Think about it: if they're towing me at 2am, the tow company is open at 2am! It's a new car too and I was not happy to have it towed!!!! Grrr. It was my bad though. I totally parked illegally! :|


Ok, I'll play devil's advocate ... just because the tow trucks are operating at that time does not mean the office at the impound lot is open and releasing cars.

Doesn't matter though. Congrats for getting rid of that loser and taking control of your life. Sounds to me like the next man in your life will be one lucky guy!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Victim789 said:


> I have absolutely NO desire to be with anyone at all right now. You can think whatever youd like to think, but i simply wasn't raised that way. I grew up in a nuclear, educated, professional family and we don't behave that way. I just want to be by myself and focus on ME right now.  I've only had sex with one person in the past 4 years and that's my XH. I've only been intimate and kissed one person in the past 4 years and that's him.


Said the woman who came home with hickeys on her...


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I hope you don't mind, Victim789, but I thought it might give people some perspective if they read your original post:

**************************
"I have been with my husband now for 3 years. We got engaged after 2 years, and we were married on Sept. 1, 2012 (yes, this year). I am 34 years old, and we have no children (thankfully!). My parents never approved of him, probably because they wanted me to marry another professional (i.e. a doctor or lawyer, like me). My husband is a firefighter and never finished college. I never saw anything wrong with that. As a result, my parents and I did not speak for 2.5 of the 3 years I was with him because I chose him over them. 

The Sexting - So we were married on 9/1/12. On 9/13/12, I found a second cell phone that my husband kept. It was his deceased father's old cell phone. He told me it had long been disconnected but when I turned the power on, it worked. Immediately it began "dinging" with text messages. It was clearly not disconnected. On that phone, were text messages to 12 different women from just the day before (he had erased all other days). He gave one of them my home address and set up an appointment to meet. He negotiated the price with another one and said he wanted to "play twice" (cum twice). When she asked what he looked like, he sent a photo of his firefighter mentor to her and claimed it was him. Each meeting was set for a day when he was off of work and I was at work. I come home at 730pm on the weekdays. All meetings were set between 11 and 2pm. One of them tried to arrange 530pm but he said it was too late, as his "roommate" comes home. 

The forums - I opened up the web browser on the phone and discovered usasexguides.info. A sex forum where users post "Yelp"-style reviews of hookers. I saw a username that looked familiar and I randomly guessed his password and it worked. I was able to log into his account on the forum. I found over 100 reviews of different prostitutes, many from our geographic area where we live. In each city he traveled to without me (including Reno for his bachelor party in July ’12 when I was extremely busy at work) he posted ads looking for good references for prostitutes. Sept '11 in LA. July '10 in MI…. I read all his reviews which were extremely graphic and descriptive of the encounter, the price, and the feeling and what she did to him. I found 4 more forum websites and I found 4 secret emails that he maintained. On Craigslist, he posted an ad every 3-5 days looking for "petite and hot" in my town. I saw every ad from 2011-12. On my bachelorette party night July 18, he posted "empty house looking for fun!" The day before the wedding August 31 he posted "looking for morning fun 10am". I found forum posts dating back to 1999.

The Cover-Up Story - On 9/15/12, we talked for 8 hours and I DEMANDED that he tell me everything and completely clean. He told me he has a sickness. He swore (on his dead father’s grave) that he never physically encountered anyone but he only made up fantasy stories. He claimed to call it off at the last minute. He swore he never had anyone in my bed or in my home even though he gave out my address.

The Real Story - The week after I found out, he began seeing a psychologist, and he started going to church multiple times per week. One week later, on September 21, 2012, my husband told me he has found God and he confessed he had slept with 5 women while he was with me, as recently as July 2012. 3 were his female friends sometime in 2009-10, and the other 2 were at massage parlors. He had sex with one of his girlfriends twice, for a total of 6 times in the 3 years I was with him. When he told me, I was so angry, I gave him 3 hours to get all of his stuff out of my house or I threatened to burn it. I had him sign uncontested divorce papers (we had a 24 page prenup so divorce is not a problem, and I don’t qualify for annulment in my state). I kicked him out and he is living with his family. 

The Aftermath - That week, I felt so lost, I just showed up at my parents doorstep crying. They hugged me and took me back. I got tested for all diseases which came back negative. It has been 7 weeks since this happened. I am 12 lbs lighter (from not eating or sleeping). He has gone to God and is now a devout Christian. He sold all his personal belongings, his car, his furniture, etc. He has applied to 15 different part-time jobs (like I asked him to do a year ago, since he has 20 days off per month to sit at home and get online). He is studying to take the realtor test, he enrolled at our local University to finish his degree. He is seeing a men’s counseling group, an individual therapist, a marriage therapist (with me) and is serving in his church. I took his iphone, deleted all his email accounts, deleted all his forum posts, he changed his cell phone number, he has a new email address, and we’re both off Facebook and all social media. He cries everyday, tells me he would do anything to have “our” life back, constantly says he made stupid selfish decisions, and swears he will “never touch that sh*t again”. Most of all, he is BEGGING, and I mean BEGGING for a second chance. 

It sounds like he’s repenting and trying to change, but I have ZERO trust in him. Absolutely none. He lied the whole time I was with him. I agreed to a marriage counselor becuase it couldn't hurt... right? I know its best if I just file for divorce and move on, but I haven’t been able to do it yet. I'm still so confused. My friends and family all know and wonder why I haven't filed yet. I have NEVER lied to him or been unfaithful. I know I don't deserve this. I’m so confused and lost. Any help???"


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

So how did it go from THAT situation with you two working on the marriage in counselling and him finding God and crying everyday showing true remorse to you deciding to call it quits?

Did he have a relapse in any other way other than seeing his friend for dinner? Did you just have a change of heart? Or was he being disingenuous and stopped putting in the required effort?


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