# Thoughts on surrogacy?



## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

I have no real reason for asking, we've never even once considered ever doing this but I just saw a rerun on "Friends" and the Phoebe character offered to become a surrogate for her brother and his wife because they couldn't have kids and I thought, no way I'd be ok with that. 

Would lots of women be open to it or only a very rare few?


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I don't know enough about it, or have asked enough women to know if "lots" would, or if its super rare. 

Here is what I do know.... I know an attorney who has now made quite a career in arranging these things. He has a network of woman who are willing to be surrogates - for hefty fee - and clients looking for surrogates. He writes up the contracts etc. Has enough business that this is his sole focus now. 

I also have two friends - one single (and LOVES babies), and one married - who was having a hard time conceiving. The single friend offered to be a surrogate for my married friend. Married friend eventually was able to get pregnant, so they didn't do it. 

Me? Personally? I do not have kids, I do not want kids, and pregnancy looks horrifying to me, so - no, I would not do this. But some are more than willing to, either simply as a beautiful gift, or a way to make $50,000.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Very few women would be able to do this or would want to....but my daughter (married, 2 kids) did this for a gay couple. The baby is now just over a year old. My daughter was the perfect candidate because she could truly feel she was just "the oven" and carried this baby "for them". She loved the baby of course and did everything in her power to make a healthy baby, but from the beginning she referred to the baby as "their" baby. When the birth happened the baby's parents were there with her through it all, she held and breast fed the baby for about 3 days and stayed with the parents during that time so they could bond with the baby as she eased her way out of the baby's life. She pumped milk and gave it to them for the next several weeks for the baby. Then she said her goodbyes and hasn't seen baby or parents since because they live in France. They do still update her with pictures and progress of the beautiful baby they are so grateful to have, and one day she plans to visit France and see the baby and parents (all of them have desired this, some parents don't want an ongoing relationship with the surrogate, but some do). 

I was so proud of her, it was such a beautiful thing to do and she was perfect at it. Her 2 kids loved the experience too, met the other parents, and were along for the whole journey. She got paid a decent fee, but ultimately it was a priceless experience for all of them.

She has said she will not do it again as having had 3 babies now, her body is just tired of pregnancy and she wants to move on to other things in her life.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I loved being pregnant, was hardly ever sick, and would have done this had I been approached. I'm too old now and don't have all the parts lol


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I cannot talk for anyone else but myself. There is no way in hell I would ever do this, for anyone. After my experience with pregnancy was pure hell. After months of being ill, throwing up everything I age, my twins were still born, almost died and it took me months more to recuperate.

Some time ago about 8 of us woman who post on TAM were talking about pregnancy. It turned out that every oneo of us had a pregnancy that almost killed us. The only reason any of use survived is modern medicine.

There is not enough money in the world to make it worth me taking such a chance.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I couldn't do it myself. My two pregnancies were miserable. I have a ton of respect for women who do it though. 

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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

I would have been very open to it had I been approached before losing my uterus (I'm currently 27 so I barely got my own two out in time hahaha). I loved pregnancy and more than anything had fantastic birth experiences. It's going through birth that I honestly miss the most out of the entire process. Not the mention I would have greatly enjoyed the opportunity to help someone else become a parent. It's definitely not for everyone, but I have great respect for those who are able to go through it.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

ButWeAreStrange said:


> I would have been very open to it had I been approached before losing my uterus (I'm currently 27 so I barely got my own two out in time hahaha). I loved pregnancy and more than anything had fantastic birth experiences. It's going through birth that I honestly miss the most out of the entire process. Not the mention I would have greatly enjoyed the opportunity to help someone else become a parent. It's definitely not for everyone, but I have great respect for those who are able to go through it.


So I'm not the only one! People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I loved being pregnant and giving birth.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> So I'm not the only one! People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I loved being pregnant and giving birth.


I think that a woman's point of view on this is very closely tied to her personal experience with pregnancy and childbirth.

There are women I know who, like you had great pregnancies and had similar feelings about it. Then they had a bad pregnancy and it completely changed their minds.


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## Rgaines (Jun 13, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> Very few women would be able to do this or would want to....but my daughter (married, 2 kids) did this for a gay couple. The baby is now just over a year old. My daughter was the perfect candidate because she could truly feel she was just "the oven" and carried this baby "for them". She loved the baby of course and did everything in her power to make a healthy baby, but from the beginning she referred to the baby as "their" baby. When the birth happened the baby's parents were there with her through it all, she held and breast fed the baby for about 3 days and stayed with the parents during that time so they could bond with the baby as she eased her way out of the baby's life. She pumped milk and gave it to them for the next several weeks for the baby. Then she said her goodbyes and hasn't seen baby or parents since because they live in France. They do still update her with pictures and progress of the beautiful baby they are so grateful to have, and one day she plans to visit France and see the baby and parents (all of them have desired this, some parents don't want an ongoing relationship with the surrogate, but some do).
> 
> I was so proud of her, it was such a beautiful thing to do and she was perfect at it. Her 2 kids loved the experience too, met the other parents, and were along for the whole journey. She got paid a decent fee, but ultimately it was a priceless experience for all of them.
> 
> She has said she will not do it again as having had 3 babies now, her body is just tired of pregnancy and she wants to move on to other things in her life.


Is the baby genetically her child and your grandchild or did she receive eggs from a donor? 
If the baby is genetically your child how do you feel about it living in a distant country (if it is doing that) 
and not knowing her or you?


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## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

Surrogacy can be such a beautiful gift. However, I know that I absolutely could not do it. The only thing I enjoy about pregnancy is when I can feel my baby moving around. Childbirth (3 times now) makes me feel bad-ass. But there's no way I'd be able to let go of the baby once he/she entered the world. I get awfully attached after 9 months of bonding.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Personally I couldn’t do it, I would still think of the kid as partly mine, too difficult to let go.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I have no problem with it. I have a relative who was born with a heart defect. They closed a hole shortly after her birth. As a consequence, she was warned not to get pregnant, as her heart will not be able to take the additional stress. Therefore, when her and her husband decided to have children, they harvested several eggs and took some of his sperm, and combined the two, and implanted the resulting fertilized egg into a wonderful young woman who was paid to carry the child to term. We bless this woman, for lovingly caring for the baby for the nine months. She was asked for a second time, however, she had moved on from being a surrogate. Another wonderful woman carried their second child.

The surrogates had varying reasons for doing this. One was quite altruistic and believed that she was doing god's work, the other needed the funds to complete university. Both said that they would have fond memories of this time, however, neither believed that the child born was anything other than the parents' child. They both said they have no claim to this child or any that they carried.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rgaines said:


> Is the baby genetically her child and your grandchild or did she receive eggs from a donor?
> If the baby is genetically your child how do you feel about it living in a distant country (if it is doing that)
> and not knowing her or you?


The fathers had a separate egg donor, it was not my daughter. So the baby actually has 2 mommies, the oven mommy and the egg mommy. If it had been my biological grandchild I may have felt a blip of regret or sadness about the transcontinental issue...however, my daughter didn't want to be a surrogate if she would have also had to provide the egg. So luckily I never even had to consider that fear because she never considered the option. Though I would have supported her decision either way and if she also donated the egg, I would have felt that sadness maybe but would not have said it to her.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I cannot talk for anyone else but myself. There is no way in hell I would ever do this, for anyone. After my experience with pregnancy was pure hell. After months of being ill, throwing up everything I age, my twins were still born, almost died and it took me months more to recuperate.
> 
> Some time ago about 8 of us woman who post on TAM were talking about pregnancy. It turned out that every oneo of us had a pregnancy that almost killed us. The only reason any of use survived is modern medicine.
> 
> There is not enough money in the world to make it worth me taking such a chance.


Hyperemesis Elegirl? Sounds like it at least. Sounds very similar to my wife. Pretty much pregnancy long morning sickness. Picline put in for fluids, could only eat and keep down a few things.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

It probably wont be long before we can grow a baby in some fabricated womb. I think surrogate mothers will be a thing of the past in say 20 years. I have no issue with others doing this btw, just saying we will advance medically beyond the need of surrogate mothers. Which is probably good as it will eliminate the health risks taken on by the surrogate mum.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

hinterdir said:


> I have no real reason for asking, we've never even once considered ever doing this but I just saw a rerun on "Friends" and the Phoebe character offered to become a surrogate for her brother and his wife because they couldn't have kids and I thought, no way I'd be ok with that.
> 
> 
> 
> Would lots of women be open to it or only a very rare few?




I thought Friends was a comedy? It doesn’t sound very funny


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

inmyprime said:


> I thought Friends was a comedy? It doesn’t sound very funny
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You get all the typical pregnancy jokes/skits and then the baby goes away so the fun quirky surrogate can go back to normal and continue making the audience laugh the same way she did before.


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