# Telling People



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

How did you let people know you were getting a divorce?

I've told some of the people I'm close to. Told several of my closer co-workers.

But it still feels like I'm keeping some dirty little secret.

I've been tempted to put it on Facebook - but it feels awkward. I've seen so many people use FB to announce their divorce while either throwing themselves a pity party - or ripping their spouse to shreds. There's also not a good status for "living together, but getting divorced." We aren't separated - and I HATE the "It's Complicated" thing. Its not really complicated - we are getting a divorce.

MARRIAGE - now THAT'S complicated!

I feel like I need to wear a button or a t-shirt that reads - "Just letting you know I'm getting divorced." Just want to get it out of the way.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

I simply deleted the relationship status entirely from my FB... and when I quit wearing my wedding ring, people noticed... oh and when I moved out, the neighbors noticed... 

The other day, I was walking through the mall and one of those sales guys stopped me to try out some lotion or something - I gave him the standard, not interested bit and he pushed a little harder... and I broke down in tears and told him to please not try to sell me anything because I was getting divorced and had to save all of my money for a lawyer and moving expenses.

I didn't realize that the interior box that I stuff all my emotions into was about to burst... and that a simple salespitch from a random guy at the mall would rip it wide open.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Lovebug501 said:


> I simply deleted the relationship status entirely from my FB... and when I quit wearing my wedding ring, people noticed... oh and when I moved out, the neighbors noticed...
> 
> The other day, I was walking through the mall and one of those sales guys stopped me to try out some lotion or something - I gave him the standard, not interested bit and he pushed a little harder... and I broke down in tears and told him to please not try to sell me anything because I was getting divorced and had to save all of my money for a lawyer and moving expenses.
> 
> I didn't realize that the interior box that I stuff all my emotions into was about to burst... and that a simple salespitch from a random guy at the mall would rip it wide open.


So - is the moral of the story that you should have maybe told more people? 

My status is deleted from FB right now and my STBXW has unfriended me. So - if someone's paying attention - they could figure it out.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

I dont think it needs to be broadcast. My friends and family know but co-workers or casual acquaintances dont and why would they? If they are close to me then they would know. I dont think an announcement is required. If someone at work asks me how my wife is by just making polite conversation, I just say shes fine and move on. They usually dont care about the real answer. Posting an announcement on facebook is tacky IMHO


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> So - is the moral of the story that you should have maybe told more people?


Not necessarily. But it's how I told some people. I don't recommend blurting it out to random strangers on the street. That was just a side effect of me holding in all my emotions. I clearly needed to talk to someone about it that day and I hadn't. So poor sales guy now has a story to tell.

I also don't have a multitude of friends or family to confide in. I lost both of my confidantes in an instant... and now I don't know who to trust, so I bottle it. I also tend to not want to "burden" others with my troubles. 

I'd say that you should take it one person at a time and, if you feel that you need or want to tell that person, do so. Doesn't matter how you do it - it's your story to tell, do it in the way that gives you peace.

For instance - I called my mom and just told her, but I waited to tell my neighbor until I was moved out and wanted to ask her to watch over the house, since he was out of town. I told her that my H was out of town for the week and that we were separated so the house would be empty and could she just keep an eye on things. She asked questions and I answered them, keeping vague on details because she frankly just doesn't need to know most things.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I didn't divorce, but when we separated, only a handful of people knew.

I don't think it's anyone's business. If they ask, they tell them, but to announce? I don't know.

My friend had a divorce party. That was fun O_O But his wife was evil.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Well - we've been together for almost 17 years - so in a lot of wasy - to see me is to assume you can ask how my wife is doing. And vice versa. 

I know its not "quite" the same - but I keep thinking of when my mother died. Seemed like I was telling someone about it for months afterwards. And each time I had to tell someone - it was as hard as it was when it first happened.

And I HAVE considered the party idea. So yes - its not exactly my mother's funeral. But it is tough - and awkward to talk about - for me at least.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I remember when my father died. It was awkward...

Come up with a response to tell people then, so you don't always have to rehash your situation.


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