# How to respond after a fight



## Enamored (Dec 25, 2009)

We are married and together for 8 years. During duration of entire marriage if we have a fight and we are not talking if I approach my wife she should be rude and not responsive. Where as I make sure that if she talks back nicely I am always available and respond properly. This is a fact I am saying without prejudice.

BTW my marriage is also unrevelling . Yesterday night , she kind of started a discussion or complain that I talk less and less. I kind of opened up and told her the reason that since she react strongly I tend to keep quite and wait for her to approach. SO has hit the roof after that and blaming my big ego for the mess in marriage. She is allaging that she has to roam around like a dog begging me to talk. And the marriage can not work any longer. I m now regretting the discussion I had. 

I would your opinion if I m worng here.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

So it sounds like your marriage is in the toilet... so what do you have to lose by talking to your wife, regardless of your fear that it will end in an argument???

Start talking to her. make it a point that after every argument, you wait one hour and then start talking to her. Not an apology but just start talking.

I was the same way. I could never approach my wife after an argument because she was never ready to reconcile and I had to wait for her. I told myself I wasn't going to live like that and now I give her time to decompress from the argument and then pick up a conversation.

If your wife can't respond, then yes, your marriage can't work any longer.


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## Leah L (Jan 11, 2011)

Perhaps there is a chance what you see as rude is frustration that has built up. If you "repackaged" what you perceive to be rude and consider it is not personal....it is just her frustration.....would it be easier to listen? 

My husband and I are caught in something similar, we have agreed to let go the anger etc. and boil it down to what needs to happen, a concrete "thing". Perhaps you can try that, let her have her "rudeness" and get down to what needs to be done. Maybe the heat will go out with the "act".

Good luck


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