# can't understand why



## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Hi everyone...i'm new here...but read on here alot of stuff. anyways this is my story.

my wife and i have been married for 14yrs together almost 15yrs (oct makes 15). anyhow we met online when chat rooms were a big thing in it's day. when we met online we were like 19 yrs old. for 2 yrs i tried to meet her in person but she kept avoiding me. (in her words, when she heard my voice for the first time..she thought i was a nerd (don't know why))..after a couple conversations she stopped taking my calls (avoided me)... then of a miracle in oct of 1999 she answered my call, we spoke for a little while, and she finally accepted to meeting me.

from day one of us meeting each other, i was instantly attracted to her. from that day forward we started seeing each other.. going out on some dates. well, during one of those dates we were talking with each other, getting to know each other a little more...well, i had asked her what kind of friends does she have? (i wanted to know if they were big trouble makers or cool people). if she had alot of girlfriends or guy friends. well she told me that she more guy friends than girlfriends. i was like ok...doesn't seem too much of a big deal. so i asked her if i could meet these guy friends of hers..(i had become her boyfriend by this time already).

she replies- i don't thinks so, you would not like these friends. so I asked her why wouldn't i like them? i don't even know them and that way i can get and idea of the crowd you hang out with.
well she replied again - nah, you would not like them, i know you wouldn't. so i asked her, tell me why your saying this?

whats wrong with these friends? well after a little pushing her... (sorry, not yelling, just making this statment stand out)

she finally answered me and said..you wouldn't like them cause WE USED EACH OTHER FOR SEX!...

after she starting dating me... she told all these guys that she had a boyfriend and couldn't talk to them anymore.

now when she gave me this reply... i was deeply hurt. i was hurt because..all the time that i had tried talking to her before and tried meeting her, she would avoid me...and at the same time she was doing this.

(will come back and continue this later...)


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

To continue.....i also felt cheated because i was like the last one to have her emotionally and physically. ..
Till this day.....i continue to carry anger about it...

She had friends with benefits...

I still feel cheated because its like...she induldged with these other guys dismissed me and all of a sudden she doesnt have any problem letting me come into her life... She told me a couple times ...that she did everything she wanted to do before she gor married....what is that suppose to mean...

first off, thankyou for the replies..
now...i'm not say that she cheated on me.. i'm saying that i felt cheated in terms of - she's had given time to these guys, here i come along and was trying to literally introduce myself into her life, even at the least... she had dismissed my efforts, and some time later for some reason decided to give me a chance to come into her life. she knew i was interested in her. it feels like it was done in mercy. (murphy5 - i am a man... a man that is attempting to seek understanding...even though its years later.)

is it that she felt that she couldn't do things when she got married or what?

i know what time during the period that we were boyfriend / girlfriend... she had asked me how i had felt about having a 3some with her and another guy. before she had asked me this question... she said...can i ask you a question? but you have to promise not to get mad...and she kept pushing about me not getting mad...i had told her, if you don't ask me the question i will get mad.
and thats when she asked about having a mfm threesome. i had told her no... she kept telling me that i needed to be open-minded, and i told her...i'm open minded but not with something like that... and she would tell me that i would be just sex with the other guy...but that she loved me...not the other guy...well after that...there was no more talk about this.

going forward... 
like 4 years after got married ... she asked me if i wanted to have sex with another girl...i felt like this was a setup question...so i said no, why would i, if i have you? and she said ...just to do it..to see how it is...and i said, you want me to cheat on you? and she said...ur not cheating on me...i'm tell you it's ok with me to do it. i had still said no ...cuz i respected her (and still do)..

i've had partners also in the past...but i don't understand is...why would all this bother me about her if it in fact was before she actually met me?

and if i should actually talk to her now about having a ffm 3way with her...

i want to really strengthen the bond between us and create new experiences with her... and create a new past...so i can forget about her past.

we have 4 kids and i would lay my life down for her and them.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

she was not your girlfriend when she was with these other men, so she did not "cheat on you", at that time you were just some other guy she vaguely knew. If this is really a problem with you, break up...she deserves a man for a BF.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Yeah, sorry, I don't see what she did wrong here. If anything, she was (1) honest with you and (2) was loyal to you by not seeing the old friends anymore.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

That's some very entitled thinking. She didn't choose you until she wanted to. She was never obligated to. And now, 14 years later you are looking at the gift she eventually gave you and saying it isn't good enough.

Funny thing is you married her knowing ask this and have let it color your marriage the entire length.

Imagine how she would feel knowing this and knowing that you reached out to strangers on the internet to tell them about something your wife did before you were together as though she were wrong for doing it. 

What do you really think of her?


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

what? she wasn't a virgin when she met you? and you haven't burned her at the stake yet?? /s

has she, in the 15 years, contacted these guys, or brought them up? no? then what's the problem. You knew this when you decided to marry her. 

so what, she casually dated people...it happens. Unless she's dredging up the past, leave it alone.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

You are looking for something to be angry and hurt about regarding your wife. I mean you are really, really reaching. Why is that?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

I married her and committed to her because she didnt play any games with me....like the other women i dated did.....im talking to strangers about this to get an outside understanding of how i have felt .....this memory just recently resurfaced after a long time of burial....and i dont know what reactivated thesr thoughts


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

No affair...yes ...she has more power in the relationship because my dumbass allowed it....i do feel intimidated....but i feel as though there is some form of connection that is missing..that is causing all this to resurface.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

What is making you insecure? Is she even more independent now? Going out with the girls? Said something about you recently that reminded you she likes things in men that you don't have?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Or, did you make a connection with someone else that underlines the fact that you and your wife never connected the way you felt you should?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: can't understand why*



clipclop2 said:


> Or, did you make a connection with someone else that underlines the fact that you and your wife never connected the way you felt you should?


Well...i do wish that my wife and i were as close connected as her and her best friend. (Friend is a gay guy)


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: can't understand why*



clipclop2 said:


> What is making you insecure? Is she even more independent now? Going out with the girls? Said something about you recently that reminded you she likes things in men that you don't have?


What do you mean by more independent.... In regards the what?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Are you sure he is gay? Are you sure she isn't in love with him even if he is?

Doing things without you, following her own interests, not touching base with you about things she used to run by you before doing or buying? Developing a set of friends who aren't also your friend?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

In love with him ....not sure....buying stuff ....she asks me if its pricey....


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Ive been telling her alot lately that i love her..and shes been recepricating.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Doing stuff without me....she will ask me if i want to go with her some where....and ill reply yes happily


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

She only knows a couple of my friends....one i dont really talk to anymore...the other one lives reallly far


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

lordfire00 said:


> I married her and committed to her because she didnt play any games with me....like the other women i dated did.....im talking to strangers about this to get an outside understanding of how i have felt .....this memory just recently resurfaced after a long time of burial....and i dont know what reactivated thesr thoughts


Yes, it's one of those life lessons some learn later in life. Consequences of decisions made will catch up with you later in life. You knew she had many FWB's before you married her.




lordfire00 said:


> No affair...yes ...she has more power in the relationship because my dumbass allowed it....i do feel intimidated....but i feel as though there is some form of connection that is missing..that is causing all this to resurface.


Is this because you are afraid of losing her? If so, you can never shift that balance of power. You have to be willing to lose it to keep it.




lordfire00 said:


> Ive been telling her alot lately that i love her..and shes been recepricating.


This shows you're too needy and unsure of the relationship.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

lordfire00 said:


> and if i should actually talk to her now about having a ffm 3way with her...
> 
> i want to really strengthen the bond between us and create new experiences with her... and create a new past...so i can forget about her past.


Bringing another person into your sex life brings division, not creating a bond between you two. You would be creating a bond with another woman, in addition to the bond you have with your wife. It does nothing to enhance your marriage, but can cause all sorts of problems. Stick to what you said about wanting only her and tell her that anything else breaks your vows that you two agreed to and it would be cheating.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: can't understand why*

[QUOte




Is this because you are afraid of losing her? If so, you can never shift that balance of power. You have to be willing to lose it to keep it.



.[/QUOTE]

Is this why she doesnt show any fear when we get into a big argument? That she may not be afraid of losing me?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

No other woman i have ever met....has ever made me feel how she did and does. I feel at times that in some may or other ...she doesnt need me ...


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Yet.,.she is still with mr....and yes..its gods blessing


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How many hours a week do you spend with your wife doing date-like things, just the two of you? Date-likes does not necessarily mean going out and spending money. A date can be just going for a walk together without anyone else. I can be a dinner date. Or anything in between.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: can't understand why*



EleGirl said:


> How many hours a week do you spend with your wife doing date-like things, just the two of you? Date-likes does not necessarily mean going out and spending money. A date can be just going for a walk together without anyone else. I can be a dinner date. Or anything in between.


We havent recently done anything lately...shes been busy with work and so have i....but when i come home at night after work...i dedicate over an hour being with her.. Talking to her..giving her a massage...just being with her.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

We have 4 kids...so its hard to do things alone with her ....but i try my best to dedicate as much time as possible to her..


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

lordfire00 said:


> she has more power in the relationship because my dumbass allowed it....i do feel intimidated....but i feel as though there is some form of connection that is missing..that is causing all this to resurface.


Get power from the fact that she chose you to marry, she chose you as her life partner, she chose you to have children with.

I can't really understand what your problem is. She blew you off online before you'd even met because she wasn't ready for a relationship, she was having fun in fwb situations. Then she got over sewing her wild oats and all the feelings associated with that (loneliness, wanting love and affection rather then meaningless sex) and CHOSE YOU to settle down with because you actually meant something to her. It's ridiculous and childish to get hung up on something before you even started a relationship where you 'won' over the other guys anyway.



lordfire00 said:


> Is this why she doesnt show any fear when we get into a big argument? That she may not be afraid of losing me?


Why should she be afraid of losing you? You haven't as far as I've read said you have a terrible marriage. Marriage is theoretically forever if no cheating, if the love is there etc etc so why should she be fearful..marriage shouldn't be about having the upper hand, you should aim for balance, not power over your spouse.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Anomnom said:


> Get power from the fact that she chose you to marry, she chose you as her life partner, she chose you to have children with.
> 
> I can't really understand what your problem is. She blew you off online before you'd even met because she wasn't ready for a relationship, she was having fun in fwb situations. Then she got over sewing her wild oats and all the feelings associated with that (loneliness, wanting love and affection rather then meaningless sex) and CHOSE YOU to settle down with because you actually meant something to her. *It's ridiculous and childish to get hung up on something before you even started a relationship where you 'won' over the other guys anyway.*
> 
> ...



I get the feeling he's starting to wonder what he actually "won", which is fair enough.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lordfire00 said:


> We havent recently done anything lately...shes been busy with work and so have i....but when i come home at night after work...i dedicate over an hour being with her.. Talking to her..giving her a massage...just being with her.





lordfire00 said:


> We have 4 kids...so its hard to do things alone with her ....but i try my best to dedicate as much time as possible to her..


Do you spend this time with her when the children are around, or after they are in bed at night?

What you describe here, talking, massage, those are date-like things.

It’s good that you spend an hour or so almost daily with her. But it has to be more than that. When everything is going well in a relationship, a couple needs to spend at least 15 hours a week together, just the two of them. If there are problems that number needs to be higher. And yes it’s hard to get even 15 hours when you have 4 children a no support system. 

What I see going on is that you and your wife are growing apart because you are not nurturing your relationship. This think that you are not obsessing over is just part of the results of that. You are pulling away from her emotionally and thus questioning the very foundation of your marriage. 

You need to find a way to strengthen the bond you have with her. Time together is a large part of how you do this. The two of you need to build a support system that allows you to have a weekly date. The time you spend now is good but you (both of you) need to do more. 

There is a good book that can help with all this. “His Needs, Her Needs”


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

aug said:


> I get the feeling he's starting to wonder what he actually "won", which is fair enough.


They are not nurturing their relationship and growing apart. When that happens a person starts to question their relationship. 

He 'won' his wife and the mother of his children. Just as she 'won' her husband and the father of her children. They need to work to make the marriage stronger or they are headed to some really bad times.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

When we are alone....i dedicate as much time to her as possible....i will be on later to answer more and give more info


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

I appreciate the help im getting from everyone.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP

I think your main concern should be the fact that your wife wants an open marriage and you do not. I.e. was 10 years ago the last time she mentioned her desire for a threesome? Do you trust her? Ever suspected her of cheating?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

She wont cheat,..thats something we talked about at the begining....as far as threesome,..its just hard for me to see another man enjoy my wife other than me....unless im real crazy and say....ok ....lets try it


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

I want my wife to indulge and enjoy to me as i do to her


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

lordfire00 said:


> She wont cheat,..thats something we talked about at the begining....as far as threesome,..its just hard for me to see another man enjoy my wife other than me....unless im real crazy and say....ok ....lets try it


It would be crazy to do that, so just erase it from your mind and do not dwell on it any further. It's just gross and you would surely regret it.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

I think ur right


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

CynthiaDe said:


> It would be crazy to do that, so just erase it from your mind and do not dwell on it any further. It's just gross and you would surely regret it.


:iagree:

But OP my point is that you said that is something she has asked you about during your marriage. you don't want it but she does. so wondering if she has explicitly recanted on that or just hasn't mentioned it for a number of years.

really sounds to me like you guys might not share the same values in the sexual/moral realm. and thus your feelings of non-connection to her. sorry but the way you write about her she does NOT comes across as someone who is obviously sexually faithful. for example how much time does she spend with her gay male friend?? does that guy like 3somes? ............(see what I mean?)


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

She doesnt seem him much...just once in awhile....as far as her cheating.,...she wont bother with that....she has the same view as i do...why cheat....and honestly... I have a much ..much higher sex drive than she does


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

She had a rough childhood....


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

So she learned to be thick skinned....between her and i....im more the affectionate one with us


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

When im affectionate with her....she wont push me away or anything...but she wont recepricate exactly the same way....


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

I guess what had always bothered me was,...she had seen sex as no big deal...and was able to somehow separate the emotional part of it with these other guys prior to me....she did tell me a couple different times...that back then....she considered herself a player....and that she did everything she wanted to do ...before she got married.

Its like she had a mfm threesome before she met me...and she told me she didnt regret doing it,...cuz it was an experience....and when i asked her how it was...she had said *alright*....im guessing....she was trying to keep from hurting me.... Now of the one day she asked me if i wanted to be with another girl with her permission (this was years ago)...she caught me off guard and i wasnt sure if it was a trick question ..so i said no..she asking me,.why not ...but she was asking me with a facial expression like she was hoping i would say yes...but i kept telling her no....

It wasnt that i was not into it...i just felt like i would be cheating on her.. So she said..how are u cheating on me if im letting u....

Its like she wanted me to have the experience of it.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Im just trying to understand what would cause this whole picture of this past...of her past....to resurface?

I tell her frequently i lovr her..and she has started doing the same...(we didnt say it to each other for a long time) but an event made a switch turn on inside me,.my passion for her totally reignited.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

lordfire00 said:


> Im just trying to understand what would cause this whole picture of this past...of her past....to resurface?
> 
> I tell her frequently i lovr her..and she has started doing the same...(we didnt say it to each other for a long time) but an event made a switch turn on inside me,.my passion for her totally reignited.


What was the event?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

We went to a club and bar with close friends of ours to celebrate her bday.....and i saw her in a different kind of light.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

lordfire00 said:


> We went to a club and bar with close friends of ours to celebrate her bday.....and i saw her in a different kind of light.


Interesting. I'm glad your passion for your wife has been reignited.
As far as the issue of her playing around with other men before she settled on you, it doesn't do you any good to hold that against her or to dwell on it. Like others have said, she chose you. She played around until she was done, then she settled on someone she could trust. She has had her children with you and is still with you.
When she comes up with some scenario that includes others, just tell her that you do not want anyone to come between you. You believe it is unhealthy and that it would make you very unhappy to see her having sex with anyone else.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: can't understand why*



CynthiaDe said:


> Interesting. I'm glad your passion for your wife has been reignited.
> As far as the issue of her playing around with other men before she settled on you, it doesn't do you any good to hold that against her or to dwell on it. Like others have said, she chose you. She played around until she was done, then she settled on someone she could trust. She has had her children with you and is still with you.
> When she comes up with some scenario that includes others, just tell her that you do not want anyone to come between you. You believe it is unhealthy and that it would make you very unhappy to see her having sex with anyone else.


First off...thanku on the replies and advice...second....i see what ur saying....i became the grand prize winner. I could have been one of those other guys and possibly just be used....but she didnt do that with me... And when i askd her to be my lady...she answered with no hesitation at all. I just wish i could get this out of my head. Maybe its gods way of showing me my ultimate blessings. See before her...i was dating women that also werent really serious....yes i played around a little....but didnt go real crazy....but at the same time....i was seeking a relationshiip.....but here is this question....after she heard my voice on the phone the first time...she avoided me because of the way i sounded....and then like a year later she decides to give me the chance and meet. Is it because i didnt say....*her girl u sound good....want to meet? Seriously.....


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

It doesn't matter now. Let it go. You won her heart and she is your beloved wife. You have made a family together. Keep your heart focused on the blessing that you have today. If you have a grateful heart and focus on that, you can stop dwelling on things that don't really matter and can actually cause a rift between you. Don't let that happen. You have control over your thinking and you can choose to think about something uplifting and beneficial to your life rather than dwelling on a negative idea from the past.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Yea.,ur right,...just gonna take some time....thanku


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Here is an article I wrote about refocusing your thoughts. This has been very helpful for quite a few people that I know, including myself. I used to have obsessive thoughts, but this is what I used to overcome them. It worked! I have retrained my brain to think on positive things and to switch over to something positive when it starts going down a negative track. You can do it too. Even one of my friends with cancer has used this method to keep her thinking positive and it has helped her a lot.
How to Refocus Your Thoughts Using 3x5 Cards | The Feminine Review: Homemaking, Family and the World


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: can't understand why*



CynthiaDe said:


> Here is an article I wrote about refocusing your thoughts. This has been very helpful for quite a few people that I know, including myself. I used to have obsessive thoughts, but this is what I used to overcome them. It worked! I have retrained my brain to think on positive things and to switch over to something positive when it starts going down a negative track. You can do it too. Even one of my friends with cancer has used this method to keep her thinking positive and it has helped her a lot.
> How to Refocus Your Thoughts Using 3x5 Cards | The Feminine Review: Homemaking, Family and the World


Thanku


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lordfire00 said:


> We went to a club and bar with close friends of ours to celebrate her bday.....and i saw her in a different kind of light.


Why do you think that you saw here in a different light that night?

How long had it been since you'd going out with her like that?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Its been a long time...
And the fact that she looked as good as she did....really really scared me...i got the state of mind of *damn,.she looks this beautiful and gorgous and i have her* Wake the hell up (meaning me)


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Without knowing the details and at the risk of being wrong, I'm gonna go on a limb and say she has had sex with other men during your relationship. It's the feeling I get reading all your posts and mentally comparing them to the patterns my brain has learned from reading about infidelity cases on this forum and other sites.

Multiple hints at 3-somes and her friend-choosing habits on one side, and the lack of power-balance in your romance lead me to such a speculation.

I hope to be proven wrong in the long run, but I doubt it.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

CynthiaDe said:


> Here is an article I wrote about refocusing your thoughts. This has been very helpful for quite a few people that I know, including myself. I used to have obsessive thoughts, but this is what I used to overcome them. It worked! I have retrained my brain to think on positive things and to switch over to something positive when it starts going down a negative track. You can do it too. Even one of my friends with cancer has used this method to keep her thinking positive and it has helped her a lot.
> How to Refocus Your Thoughts Using 3x5 Cards | The Feminine Review: Homemaking, Family and the World


I am sorry about your friend. My heart goes out to her, and to you. I assume she is at an age where she has a lot of life left to live. Does she have a fighting chance to beat it?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

nuclearnightmare said:


> I am sorry about your friend. My heart goes out to her, and to you. I assume she is at an age where she has a lot of life left to live. Does she have a fighting chance to beat it?


Thank you. She is in treatment, but is doing very well. Her prognosis is good. She will be in chemo into August and then decide on radiation. She just turned 40.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You married her 15 years ago and now your having all this stuff from the past on your mind.

When she first told you about her free wheeling lifestyle, you had a choice to move on and find someone more in tune with your ways but you chose her.

It was your choice and you made it, so my advice is to get this out of your mind before it eats you up. It was before you were together and you can't do squat about history.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

The wake up call shouldn't be about fear of losing her to another man. It should be to appreciate her. 

I think perhaps the fear is of losing her more permanently than "just" to another man.

It really bugs you that she initially ruled you out because she considered you a geek. But you have to admit that you probably liked girls based on some shallow ideas earlier in your life, too. Maturity happens if we let it. 

No threesomes, OK? That's just a really dumb idea, a dumb, desperate idea. Unless of course what you really want is to be with another woman in which case be honest with us now and let us respond honestly in return.

Unfortunately too many people come here under false pretenses and waste our time building a case for cheating before revealing their motivation. They even believe that it isn't their motivation because they can't allow themselves to see the truth. They don't want to be seen as a bad person.

Our job is to help you not screw up your marriage!


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: can't understand why*



clipclop2 said:


> The wake up call shouldn't be about fear of losing her to another man. It should be to appreciate her.
> 
> I think perhaps the fear is of losing her more permanently than "just" to another man.
> 
> ...


Wwooooaaahhhh.....take it easy...from forget the threesome thing....thats not happning...im talking about the initial stuff and why all of a sudden its resurfaced.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Her and i are doing better....but shes making me feel like i was put on the back burner now...


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

I do appreciate her....but i feel like everything else has become total priority and forget me...


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> Our job is to help you not screw up your marriage!


You have a job here at TAM? Or are you simply taking yourself too seriously? 

Have respect for others' opinions and simply express yours as an alternative view, not an official statement.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I don't know OP...I think your wife is much more into sex than you think she is. You say she has a much higher libido. I'd say that's doubtful. Out of curiosity, when you say you "saw her in a new light", was she chatting up some guys or a guy at the time? 

Sorry to say it, but I'd be surprised if you wife hasn't or isn't cheating on you now. I think you married someone that is fundamentally different than you - in a bad way.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

lordfire00 said:


> I do appreciate her....but i feel like everything else has become total priority and forget me...


lordfire - 
something is on your mind and you are coming close to telling us what it is, but you're missing the mark a bit. e.g. instead of going back over 15 years and referencing what she said to you then, give more examples of what she is saying to you right now, or doing. how exactly is she making everyhting else a priority over you?
you also said something like when you get affectionate with her she responds but "...not in the same way..." or words to that effect. what do you mean?

seems it is not (only) her past that is bothering you but how she is acting in the present.....


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