# Ignorance is bliss!



## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

I sent my husband a link for the marriage builders website today. I asked him to read it. He calls me and asked me what he should read on the site, because he doesn't know what he is doing wrong. Well since he obviously doesn't know what he he is doing wrong he hasn't been listening to anything i have said in the last year and a half. He would know what the issues are if he would LISTEN to what I have to say. He doesn't think anything is wrong.

I feel like his roommate, his house keeper, his live in baby sitter and his personal cook. Not his wife. We don't have the passion anymore, it left years ago. We have sex maybe once every other month and it is only when he sees fit. 

I am emotionally disconnected from him, due to him not meeting any my needs. I have given up completely, but walking away from him is hard. We have been together 15 years, married almost 14. I have tried to be a good wife to him and I believe that I have been. I just don't get how he doesn't know what the problem is??


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

You might want to look into the 180 plan, you'll gain some self respect and be a little more independent. I am sorry he doesn't see you, I know it hurts but this didn't happen overnight and won't get better overnight- marriage takes time and patients.
Good luck!
Mouse


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## tranquility (Mar 13, 2011)

Wow ... your thread sounds exactly like mine Ladyybyrd. The only difference is we've been married for almost 28 years compared to your 14. But I've been feeling the exact same way. 

I left a letter for my husband last week ... detailing (again) how I felt and that I'd like things to change. We did talk about it a little and he did agree to MC ... but I'm finding that if its not ME who does everything nothing gets done as far as bringing up issues. He has been trying, I think ... but god we've got so far to go sometimes I'm not sure if I even have the energy to do it. 

So ... no advice really. Just wanted to say I understand exactly how you're feeling. I hope things improve for you ...


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## jay3171 (Nov 19, 2010)

So here's my question, if your spouse is clueless as to what you're feeling about the marriage and the relationship -- and you've made your take on the marriage very clear to them -- when do you decide that enough is enough and move on? 

I'm not sure there's an easy answer for this. But I'm curious to learn what everyone thinks.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

tranquility said:


> (SNIP) but I'm finding that if its not ME who does everything nothing gets done as far as bringing up issues. He has been trying, I think ... (SNIP)



This bit sounds sadly familiar - I think it MIGHT be that men (major generality) seem to not like the notion of TALKING 
about problems too much; would rather kind of 'live life' and (seemingly hope) things might be better
That's my experience, anyway - I'm sure he understands the love languages stuff (thankfully) but as to talking about them, that's a step too far, waaaay too emotional for him!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I can you that having sat on the other side of the table, I don't trust it. I for one am tired of being dragged into another excuse for a dressing down, or a tirade, or a long complaint. I don't think he's clueless. I think he's just trying to be where the [email protected]#!T ain't. Maybe he's wrong on that score & you really do mean well, but getting beat down 100,000 times, I tend to think the next time I will also get beat down.


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## married&lovingit (Jan 26, 2011)

I found Marriage Builders to be very helpful, but simply telling someone to go there and start reading - well it's a little overwhelming..

I'd start here
The Love Bank

What I did, was... at the top of each page you see where it says "Printer Version". Click on that link and print out the topic - each topic is only about 1-3 pages. 3-hole punch that and proceed on to the next topic. Repeat...

Then each evening, my wife and I would retreat to our bedroom (away from the kids) and read a section or two and discuss. Many hidden/repressed feelings/emotions came out - and once the air was cleared, life certainly got better...

Don't overwhelm yourselves - take it a topic or two at a time

FWIW - Dr. Harley summarizes everything here:
A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

Best of luck to the two of you!


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