# How do I go forward from here?



## diwali123

Sorry for posting in two sections but I think maybe the people who post here might have a different way of viewing things than the people in the sex section. If there is one thing that you really always wanted and thought you would get out of your marriage but you know you can't have it, how do you go forward in a positive way? If everything else is wonderful how do you get over the disappointment and hurt and just be truly grateful for what you have instead of ruminating on what you don't have?
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## meson

I know, it really really hurts and it's a frustration that never goes away. It may not be noticed at times but every so often it will raise its head and you are reminded of it. For me I focus on the other parts of the relationship that's going well. There is not much else to do and fortunately we are great in so many areas. 

I thought I was getting someone who was compatible and desiring of it like you but it was not the case. It was tolerated in the beginning but not really anymore. She even said she enjoyed it but not anymore. Having a partner who wanted that and to do it outside was one of the things I alway wanted in a wife. We have talked about it (which is something she dislikes) to no avail. She is firm in her position. 

I have thought long and hard about it and because I get so much fulfillment in other areas and affection I've decided not to make it a divorce issue. I really don't think it is worth throwing away so much over that one enjoyment. Perhaps I could find someone who wanted it in the same way I do but they would have their own faults which may be just as bad or worse. So I made the decision to accept it and invest in our relationship in other areas. Increase rewards in other areas compensates for that lack and enables me not to dwell on it as much. I don't normally read the sun forum you posted the details in because it usually triggers me. 

That's the other thing I do is to avoid reminders of it. So i avoid things that may bring it to mind. Then i try to spice it up in other ways which are accepted. 

The pain of rejection doesn't ever really disappear but it lessons and is compensated for by other things.


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## diwali123

Thanks. I feel my sexuality diminishing. I don't want to go to movies like Magic Mike or read 50 Shades because I'll just get upset. 
And you are right there is no one who is 100% going to meet our needs in every area. 
I can't go through another divorce, it will kill me and damage my daughter. 
I just put a call in to our MC and left a message. 
I feel like I just want to lay in bed for the rest of the weekend and wallow. 
I tried to talk to him and it came out all hostile and negative. I don't know how to say that I am giving up on this without sounding bitter because right now I am. I told him I'm sorry for putting him through all of this but it came out passive aggressive. Now he's upset.
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## meson

Wallowing won't help much in the end. When it came to a head for us we were on vacation and that helped. We enjoyed ourselves in other ways which reminded each of us that we loved each other. 

But you shouldn't apologize. You made a request which he chose not to comply. He should be the one to apologize because of the way it was refused and explained. Both were not respectful. He will need to accept your frustration and anger at the 180 of accommodation. 

However you still need to respect his issues. Perhaps there is a way he will accept it at some point and perhaps there is some compromise where he gets close with toys or whatever. You may still find something that is fun even though it's not exactly what you want. 

You should make it clear to him that ignoring you is disrespectful and he should not be doing that. If he maintains his respect and the other parts of the marriage is worth it then move on and put it behind you. If there are other things that you are settling on you might want to consider leaving. My opinion is that that alone is not worth leaving over.


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## diwali123

Toys don't do it for me. There is just something so different about those orgasms. I can't explain it but it's wonderful.
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## meson

I understand that but my point is if you really want to go forward you need to accentuate what you have and focus on that rather that what you are lacking. I soo much want to go down on my wife but I am able to focus on the pleasure I get from our compromise. I can nuzzle with my nose an this allows for some of the experience and is enjoyable in itself though not exactly what I am looking for.


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## diwali123

Yes, that is true. I don't know what about that MC session hit a nerve for me but it was huge.
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