# What does he want?



## lonely_wife (Sep 28, 2008)

I'm having a seperation because I have very strong feelings for a guy I met at work. We have been texting & flirting for 2 months and went on a date Friday - it was fantastic. No sex, lots of kissing, dancing, etc. He told me he thinks he's in love with me and never felt like this beofre, said I was the one. He txt the next day saying we were going out again in 2 weeks but seemed a little cold.

My hubby found out I was "seeing" him before we split and this guy then stopped texting me, like he is afraid because of what he told me about his feelings. He is a player at work - flrits with everyone and all the girls want him - but he chased me. He told me that his reputaion is just that it's not true and he actually quite shy.

Anyway - I was expecting it to over before it started until he said those things, that made me think we could actually have a relationship together and now I'm hurting. I feel so sad, it's tearing me apart.

Are a drunken mans words really sober mans thoughts? or was it just to keep me sweet hoping he may actually get some action if he said the right things?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

your being played by the player


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

lonely_wife said:


> He txt the next day saying we were going out again in 2 weeks but seemed a little cold.



This sounds like a married man to me. Or he is seeing someone else too. If he thought you were the one, he would want to be with you EVERY weekend. It looks as though he is juggling his social schedule.


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## lonely_wife (Sep 28, 2008)

Yeah I think I know this deep down, but was just hoping I was wrong - thanks all


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It sounds like you ended/ruined your marriage for a smuck.

draconis


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Sad

Don't always judge a book by its cover. Always read the book first.


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## lonely_wife (Sep 28, 2008)

Ok now I'm really confused. I know this is going nowhere but still don't feel that I want my husband? I am worried though that I will always end up alone because I seen to pull players, jack the lad's you know the kind.
I love my husband but there are no sexual, romantic or sensual feelings, thats why this guy opened my eyes so to speak.
My dilema now is 1. should I just stay with my hubby because it is safe? He would never betray me or break my heart. He takes care of my and loves me but I would never have romance, excitement,. etc.
2. should I continue with the seperation and hope one day a decent guy turns up? Meanwhile I guess I will learn to cope with hurt from the "players"?


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## FrenchMomma (Sep 23, 2008)

Have u tried everything you can to mend your relationship with your husband? Attempted to try and get that romance, excitement back?


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## lonely_wife (Sep 28, 2008)

I don't think we ever had the excitement or romance but I just made do with that I did have - security, dependency, etc. Now I have a taste of it I want some which is why I wanted to be single and go looking, but I have only come accross losers and am now worried I will always be alone? If I stay with my husband I am worried that I will end up having affairs?


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## caroldean (Oct 4, 2008)

lonely_wife said:


> I don't think we ever had the excitement or romance but I just made do with that I did have - security, dependency, etc. Now I have a taste of it I want some which is why I wanted to be single and go looking, but I have only come accross losers and am now worried I will always be alone? If I stay with my husband I am worried that I will end up having affairs?


you are in an unhappy marriage. unless you can work at this and make it happy then you will be vulnerable to having an affair. you sound like you want more than an affair so this would not be good for you. the brave thing to do if your marriage cannot be improved would be go it alone and be careful who you choose to spend your precious time with. you have to be confident that you are worth more than a fling and when someone treats you the way you wish then you have found the one. i wish i had the strength to do this and i hope you achieve what is in your heart and mind.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Definately don't stay with your husband if you're going to go out and "play"! Separation or divorce will be hard enough on him, but to have you flaunt your activities in his face will definately crush him.


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## MEM (Sep 15, 2008)

Girl, I really do think you need some time alone to gather your thoughts without anyone influencing them, especially hubby or anyone else. Just take a break for awhile and try to discover yourself, gain some independence.

Good luck


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Between my first wife and my second I took time to be alone (I also had a son who I had full custody of) but love happened when I didn't expect it and had frankly given up on it.

draconis


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

The guy you dated is a player, he thought he could get some action so told you what you wanted to hear. He spotted you because you were lonely. As for your husband, don't stay with him if you think you're going to have affairs, its not fair. Either commit to staying or end it and move on. Beware though, don't jump at the first one who says something nice because you are afraid of being alone. You need to be confidentant in yourself, if not you will always be played. Normally I'd suggest rekindling the romance by trying some new things, new activities, date night, anything to spice it up. You'd be surprised but if you never had that connection you can't rekindle what's not there.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I find this funny, if this was a guy posting this we would be tearing him apart.

I cheated on my wife with a woman at work that flirted alot. My wife doesn't do it for me sexually, so SHould I keep her around until I find a better woman? 

That is what I am hearing from you.

Do your husband a favor and get divorced, he deserves better then you.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> I find this funny, if this was a guy posting this we would be tearing him apart.
> 
> I cheated on my wife with a woman at work that flirted alot. My wife doesn't do it for me sexually, so SHould I keep her around until I find a better woman?
> 
> ...


boy, i hate to say it, but...:iagree:


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2008)

Falling in love, that passion you feel with anyone you fall over initially lasts no more than 2 years on average. It then fades unless you actually work on it daily. Thats what I hear you saying. Your desire is that high your getting from new falling in love relationships. I would suggest you look at yourself long and hard to realize what your doing.

Second, you should focus on your marriage and find a way to heat it up. Also be open with him and tell him you need more passion in your relationship. You might be surprised and get that from him.


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

I just have one thing to say. As long as you are scared of being alone you will keep attracting wrong men.


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

Why do you feel you have to have a man in your life to be happy?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

lonely_wife said:


> I'm having a seperation because I have very strong feelings for a guy I met at work. We have been texting & flirting for 2 months and went on a date Friday - it was fantastic. No sex, lots of kissing, dancing, etc. He told me he thinks he's in love with me and never felt like this beofre, said I was the one. He txt the next day saying we were going out again in 2 weeks but seemed a little cold.
> 
> My hubby found out I was "seeing" him before we split and this guy then stopped texting me, like he is afraid because of what he told me about his feelings. He is a player at work - flrits with everyone and all the girls want him - but he chased me. He told me that his reputaion is just that it's not true and he actually quite shy.
> 
> ...


that's a helluva story. you want to know what i think? i think you know already what the right answers are. you are married. separated means separated. sorry i can't be more sympathetic, but when you took your vows, did they say "sickness and health, richer or poorer, or some dude come along that excites me"????

you "feel so sad" and it's "tearing you apart"???? that the best you got? again sorry for the harshness. if you would put as much effort into your marriage as it sounds like you're willing to put into this "relationship" maybe you'd find that you wouldn't be falling for mr. fancy dancer and kisser.

okay mod's. i'm ready for my banishment.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

voivod said:


> okay mod's. i'm ready for my banishment.


I had to re-read to figure out why you'd fear banishment and am still at a loss...I agree with what you've said.


lonely_wife said:


> Ok now I'm really confused. I know this is going nowhere but still don't feel that I want my husband? I am worried though that I will always end up alone because I seen to pull players, jack the lad's you know the kind.
> I love my husband but there are no sexual, romantic or sensual feelings, thats why this guy opened my eyes so to speak.
> My dilema now is 1. should I just stay with my hubby because it is safe? He would never betray me or break my heart. He takes care of my and loves me but I would never have romance, excitement,. etc.
> 2. should I continue with the seperation and hope one day a decent guy turns up? Meanwhile I guess I will learn to cope with hurt from the "players"?


A decent guy already showed up...your husband. Here's my honest opinion...you are not ready for a committed loving relationship...you want that excitement of someone being attracted to you, the attention and the sparks that fly in the beginning. If you can admit that's what you want and what makes you feel good, then your husband deserves to find someone that wants a committed, deep love type of relationship.

I am not trying to assume I know you or what you want, but your post screams out at me what you want and need to feel good and safe with no regard for the man you made vows to and are now destroying. Love and marriage is more about what you are giving your spouse to make them happy than about what you are getting from it. If that makes no sense to you, you are not ready for it.


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## unimaginal pain (Oct 15, 2008)

Jason said:


> Second, you should focus on your marriage and find a way to heat it up. Also be open with him and tell him you need more passion in your relationship. You might be surprised and get that from him.



:iagree:

This was my situation also. I never showed my wife affection or love and expected her to do everything. We never had passion or romance and it took it's toll. If you read my story you know what happened and the most important thing that I got out of it was COMMUNICATION. If she had only told me how she was feeling things would have been different. Thankfully for My wife, our son and I we chose to do just that and things are on the road to being what I think is going to be amazing. You need to tell your husband what you are feeling. Try writing a letter telling him point blank what you need out of your marriage. Contrary to popular belief we men CAN NOT read minds! He may not be showing you the affection that you need because he knows your not happy. He definately has the right to be upset right now with you about the other man and you need to help him through it. Appologize for it, cut ALL ties with the OM and ask what YOU can do to help. He may also be in a "rut" and needs a kick start to get going. I definately know that I needed one and wow what a difference it has made in both of our lives.
This is all of coarse if you do want to save your marriage.
Just a 2 cent opinion from the other point of view.


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