# Go be a better YOU!



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Do it. I know, and I understand how hard all of this is to deal with. Been there, done that. It's painful, it's beyond devastating, it sucks the life right outta ya. It turns you into nothing but a shell of your former self. Sometimes you don't even want to face the day. But, with you or without you, life goes on, so you might as well go along with it. I've struggled with bouts of depression, I've struggled with anxiety, I've cried enough tears to fill an ocean. I've lost hope, I've lost faith, but we humans are resilient little creatures because when shiit gets tough, we find ourselves getting tough right back. We may not even recognize our own toughness at first, but you're still breathing and as long as you wake up on this side of the dirt, it means you fought one bad day off, and you are strong enough to fight any other bad days off as well.

You need to stand up, look at everything going on in your life and say fvck you. (Sorry in advance to anyone who may be offended by language) but look at your pain and say F you, pain. You will NOT bring me down. Look at your ex or STBX or whoever and say F you. Your actions will NOT bring me down. Look at whatever your troubles are and say F you, troubles. I am bigger, better, stronger and more powerful than you are. F you. You will NOT bring me down. Then you go be a better you. You hold your head up high because you are the shiit. You have style, and you have confidence. These troubles may give you a hiccup every now and then but they will never defeat you. 

Find something you can do that makes you feel good about yourself. I personally recommend exercise. Not only will you look fabulous, but it's good for you and builds up your confidence. I recently joined a gym myself and I've been working out 2 hours a day, 6 days a week. I can't wait to start seeing the results and hopefully have that swimsuit body by summer  If you happen to have health issues that prevent you from working out, find another hobby, but do something to keep your mind occupied. 

For those who don't know me, I was married to a real slimeweasel of a man. (Affectionately known as Asshat here) Asshat was not only a serial cheater but he was also very emotionally and mentally abusive to me. I believed for years, I was worthless because that's what I heard for years, and when you are told something over and over again, after awhile, you start to believe it. I've been part of TAM for almost a year now, and when I look back at where I was one year ago, even two years ago, three years ago and then I look at myself today, I feel like I have successfully looked at everything that ever kept me down and I said F you. I got up and I fought back.

My ex husband (while we were married) for some reason, seemed to be hell bent on destroying me. Whether he did this knowingly or not, I don't know, but as I look back over the years with him, he never seemed satisfied unless I was hurting. Why would the man who married me and fathered my children want to hurt me on purpose? I could sit here and write about all the horrible things he did to me, and took from me, and all that stuff but long story short, he was an assholle. It took me several years but I finally stood up and I said F you. F you for cheating on me, F you for lying to me, F you for the way you have treated me, F you for for hurting me. F you for every piece of shiit crap thing you have ever done to me. I will NOT let you walk all over me anymore.

So, what did I do? I went to school. Guess what? He tried to ruin school for me, but I wouldn't let him. I dug my heels in the ground and I made school my bish. I went on to earn an associate's in Law degree and a Bachelor's in criminal justice. I also graduated top of my class with honors. While I was studying, my ex husband was off running around with Skankasaurus. We were still living together at this time, and little miss Skuzzy would actually pull up in my drive way to pick my husband up for their dates. Yes, it took a lot of strength not to go out there and beat her ass. Instead, I turned my attention to my school work and focused on that. Oh, and I also made sure the dog had clean teeth. 

My divorce was final 8 months ago today. I've no regrets about it. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. I went and I became a better me. So, you should go be a better you. It won't happen overnight, it will take years probably but do it anyways. This is all 15 years in the making for me. Also, I am still working on me. I've learned to occupy my time to keep me from just sitting and over thinking everything (which I was horrible at) I joined the gym so I can have that hot swimsuit body I used to have, back. I am also working on learning a foreign language (German) and this summer, I'm going to learn how to ride a motorcycle.

Life is better when you have something going for you but you can't always sit around and wait for better to fall in your lap. You have to get out there and find better. I understand that laying in bed crying sounds like a great idea and all but there's a whole world out there that is so much better than staying in bed. So, get up and go be a better you. Smile because you look really good when you do.

Also, please don't think everything is perfect for me. I still have my troubles. I still wonder if anyone will ever love me. I still want so badly to find that man who will actually love me and treat me right but that's not a priority for me right now. I'm my priority. Me, me, me. Go make yourself a priority. You are worth it. Go be a better you. Self confidence is a powerful thing to have.


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## ShreddedWheat (Feb 5, 2012)

This was beautiful and wise. Thank you. I have to remember the only person I can change is myself.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

In other words, 180 in actuality!
But the road is not smooth and easy dear!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> In other words, 180 in actuality!
> But the road is not smooth and easy dear!


Definitely not! It is a very rough road, indeed. But, if you keep going, then you can look back and see all that you have overcome, and you will feel good about yourself.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Definitely not! It is a very rough road, indeed. But, if you keep going, then you can look back and see all that you have overcome, and you will feel good about yourself.


From your earlier post I also note that you still have some void in your inner consciousness. You cant fill the need to love and be loved - unless you are fortunate find a soul mate. Wish you good lucks.

You were/are alone in dealing with your hurt, like all of us here. TAM is a place to offer shoulders!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> From your earlier post I also note that you still have some void in your inner consciousness. You cant fill the need to love and be loved - unless you are fortunate find a soul mate. Wish you good lucks.
> 
> You were/are alone in dealing with your hurt, like all of us here. TAM is a place to offer shoulders!


Yes, I know this


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Encouraging words! Thank you Apple!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

This thread and http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...l-yourself-nobody-will-do-you.html#post576434 are very self empowering and must read for newly arrivals.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Apple make sure you get that motorcycle, you wont regret a second of it, when your out riding you see so many things in a different way, great stress reliever, and a great way to meet so many new people...

also wanted to thank you for all your posts, you have become an insperation to some, and that we are all... human, just looking for a little happiness in life...........


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

strugglinghusband said:


> Apple make sure you get that motorcycle, you wont regret a second of it, when your out riding you see so many things in a different way, great stress reliever, and a great way to meet so many new people...
> 
> also wanted to thank you for all your posts, you have become an insperation to some, and that we are all... human, just looking for a little happiness in life...........


I have a guy friend whom I ride with over the summers. This past summer we rode all over both Iowa and Illinois. I just love the feel of being on the bike but I never learned how to actually ride one myself and I really want to learn. It is a great stress reliever. I love the feel of it but I dont want to have to wait for someone to take me on a ride. I just want to be able to go myself 

I do have a horse and while being able to ride him is good and fun and makes you feel free, there's just something about a motorcycle ya know.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> This thread and http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...l-yourself-nobody-will-do-you.html#post576434 are very self empowering and must read for newly arrivals.




Even as far as I have come with all things, I still feel an emptiness in myself that comes from having nobody to love. HOWEVER, what I am learning and what I am working on is learning to love myself. I never realized how important loving yourself was before. I get that when we are betrayed, we feel like nothing. Still, in the face of that betrayal, we need to know and understand that we are not at fault for their actions. Always love yourself and always know you are good enough.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Apple, I truly believe that the_guy said it best "I will not allow my FWW's behavior (affairs) define me." Sadly that is the natural tendency of the majority of us BS.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> Apple, I truly believe that the_guy said it best "I will not allow my FWW's behavior (affairs) define me." Sadly that is the natural tendency of the majority of us BS.


That is a good attitude to have. I know for many years, I let my husband's actions define me. Not. Any. More. From now on, I am who I am. I will no longer be walked all over, and treated like less. I will stand up for myself. Still, in a funny twist of fate way, it is also my husband's actions which have helped to shape me. Yes, I could have happily gone my entire life without being cheated on but there are lessons that come from dealing with betrayal. Every life experience from being cheated on to having an illness comes with lessons. We should all learn to learn from our experiences. There will always be someone down the road who will also experience the same thing, and they will need someone who has been there.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

Apple, That was a wonderful post. Good for you. The gym will getcha there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

AD,

Great post. 

Ride the horse. Clean the dogs teeth.

And keep steppin on Asshat.

Best to You!

HM64


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

Thank you, Apple. I NEEDED to hear this today.


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