# love but no longer want



## Bored and cofused (Jul 5, 2010)

I still love my wife very much, but it's different. I want to see the best for her, I never want to see her get hurt, but that's where it ends. I no longer have a physical attraction to her. I enjoy being by myself a lot more then being with her. We have developed different interest. Yet, I worry about my sons. My wife and I don't fight, so it's not like my sons are seeing us argue or fight all the time, and she is still telling she loves me, and wants to have sex, but, I don't know, It's really hard for me. I have to work myself up to it just so I don't hurt her feelings. At the same time, I'm bored. She's the type that like it missionary with the lights off and thats it. Nothing else at all. It's almost like we have roll reversals. I like foreplay, I like it to last a long time, I like making sure she is pleasured before me, I like to try to keep romance and spice alive. She likes it over in 5 minutes and thats it. She says, let's have sex, and expects me to turn it on and just go. Maybe most guys would love that, I don't know,, But I just cant do that. I like champagne and strawberries. I like movies, I like wooing. And to top it off she has gained some weight, (not obese) but certainly overweight. I don't find it attractive. I have never had an affair. I don't believe I ever will. But I'm going crazy. I need something different, I need something more. 
Now she cares for our sons, but I am by far the primary care giver. I have the discipline without yelling. I have the rules for a reason, she has the rules that are "because I said so" rules. Yet I know that if we get a divorce, she will get custody, and I will have partial custody at best, and I can't do that to my sons. I can't let them grow up like that. So instead of me having happiness, I just deal with it, so they will have a better childhood. I figure if we are not fighting, then my sons don't know. Hell, at this point, I've hid it well enough that it would take my wife by surprise. What do I do


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

What does she say when you have brought these issues up with her?


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## Bored and cofused (Jul 5, 2010)

I actually have brought up the subject many times of how I feel sexually. I've never told her I dont find her sexually attractive anymore, but I have spoken of how I would like to spice thinks up, things I would like to do, or what I would like her to do. I have even spoke to her about how she treats our sons and how I believe it should be. When it comes to the sexual part I simply get the answer of she "cant" do those things. She cant roll play, she wont do this or that. and as far as far as everything else in our lives, I get accused of being sanctimonious or thinking that I am the only one who can do the right things. I listen to her all the time, yet I am the one who gets accused of not listening. I feel there's nothing I can do without causing an arguement, and I dont like to argue. I am one who believes everything can be worked out with communication. But there in lies the problem. We cant communicate. When I try to I get rebuffed, shut down, or she starts yelling. So where do I go?


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

If you don't find her attractive, that is so unfair to not let her in on the spicing it up part, you say she wants sex, but does nothing to enhance, well maybe she doesn't find you attractive (could be the reason for the quickie), I know that sounds strange, but in my case, I stopped finding myself attracted to my wife, I exercise, she does not, it really bcame a chore for sex, we never and I mean never argued, but the differnce is my wife was't going to wait and eventually started an EA, but my wife is independant with a great job and quite capable of taking care of herself, I was shocked at first when she left, but realize it was for the better, your wife deserves someone who wants her or at least let her know you need more spice WHAT EVER YOU DO, DON'T TELL HER YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO HER, maybe she needs something else she isn't telling you.


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