# Need support/advice in sexless marriage



## San_Diego_John (Jan 7, 2013)

I guess I am here because I dont know where else to go to look for answers. 

It has been almost a year (last time was Feb 2) since I have had any kind of sexual contact with my wife. My story is very similar to every else here who is experiencing the same problem. We went from doing it like rabbits to zip. zero. nothing.( Crickets chirping) Sex went downhill ever since my wife got pregnant. I have tried countless times to ask my wife to seek help/counseling and have spilled my guts about my feelings, but nothing has worked. I think what hurts the most is the fact that she isnt willing to make an effort to fix the problem even though she knows its hurting our marriage. It has even gotten to the point where my wife has muttered the words " you can sleep with other women, just make sure they are clean " to me while we were taking a shower together a few weeks ago. 

Aside from sex, my wife and I are in very healthy relationship together. I know that she loves me dearly and we have a two year old son whom we both love to death. I am 33 years old and not sure how much of this i can take any longer. The thought of divorcing someone over sex just doesn't seem right to me. (for better or worse right?) There seems to be no solution to my problem. Help!  Any advice is appreciated. 

A desperate man in desperate needs


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I hate to tell you this but if she is serious when she tells you you can have sex with other women then your marriage is not "healthy." If you want counseling and she doesn't and she won't work independently to address your concerns then your options are quite limited. Limited to 1) staying and being unhappy; 2) staying and getting your needs met elsewhere or 3) divorce. 

I know none of these are good options but, based on what you said, this woman has checked out and couldn't care less about you or the marriage. Its sad and difficult. I can relate to your feelings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your most important emotional need is sexual fulfillment.

You would not be divorcing over sex. You would be divorcing becuase you have a wife who is unwilling to meet your most important emotional need.

Sounds reasonable.

By the way, you could very well shake her up if you start the process of divorce, where she could change her ways.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

SDJ,

Your wife needs to get to her MD and get checked for depression first off

Is she on any birth control now? Many BC drugs can cause a loss of libido

If she refuses to see her Dr. I think you need to tell her that without a healthy sex life, you don't see a future with her as the others above have pointed out


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Go to Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. and buy the Primer. Then start running the Marriage Action Plan (MAP).

You will either get more sex from your wife, or better position yourself to get more sex from other women after you leave your wife.

As Hicks said, it's not shameful to require that a marriage be a sexual relationship. It is designed to be. Even the Church will annul a marriage that hasn't been consummated.

Your wife is being unreasonable. It is likely that she feels free to be unreasonable because you are a typical Nice Guy who would never leave her over a lack of sex. If she thought you would actually divorce her, she would be much less likely to try to impose celibacy on you. If she thought you would actually go to other women for sex, she would probably have sex more often.

Your basic problem is that she's not attracted to you. You need to make yourself more attractive to her, and to other women.

And it's likely that she's denying you sex and giving you permission for an affair because she wants to divorce you and would feel guilty divorcing such a Nice Guy. She needs you to break your vows so that she isn't just divorcing you and breaking up her child's home for frivolous reasons. Don't fall for it.

Good luck.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

SDJ,

Other than frequency, many of the specifics for my situation were the same.
My wife knew I wanted more sex and told me to go find a surrogate woman to satisfy my needs.

I read No More Mr. Nice Guy and MMSL, applied the MAP, got her hormone levels checked and adjusted...still a work in progress, but I am getting it a few times a week at the minimum and more flavor has been added to the bedroom as well. She needs you to Alpha up. I thought everything else in our marriage was good, but come to find out, she was holding onto resentments from our past which greatly affected her view of me.
Within a few weeks, I saw great change for the better. It's not all positive...more like two steps forward and one step back, but progress is certainly showing.


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