# DH not writing receipts in checkbook...



## kindnessrules (Sep 5, 2014)

My DH regularly forgets to write his receipts in the checkbook and as a result there can be $100-$200 that I was not aware of less than I thought in our balance. 

He gives me permission to remind him, and he also tries very hard to remember, but he isn't always good about it and just when I think he was on top of it, all of a sudden the receipts pile up in his wallet and there is a disparity of $100-$200 that I didn't know about. This is frustrating as we need to stay on top of our finances to make sure ends meet. Last night he announced, oops, didn't realize he had all these receipts he didn't write in, totaling about $100.

Does anyone have a suggestion for a way to get him to remember, or should I just assume it's always my responsibility to remind him if I want to have the peace of mind of knowing how much we have in the checking account? He gives me carte blanche to remind him but then when he says he's trying to do a better job I have a false sense of security and stop reminding him, then there's another incident which ends up in frustration and resentment and trust issues on my part.


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Personally, I am a woman and I would never remember to do this or do this perfectly. Most of my bills are automated withdrawals. All else that is not, I take out cash to pay with most of the time. 

My suggestion would be to budget for/determine what he needs for his "slush" money (spending and incidentals) and open a seperate bank account set up automatic deposits to that account from the main one. So if he spends from those funds and it's unaccounted for it doesn't matter as the overall amount is being tracked automatically. Or have him use debit/interac cards for everything instead of cash.

Otherwise you take it upon yourself to get the receipts from his wallet everyday when he gets home and take over balancing the checkbook.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

You can't make someone be more responsible than they are. You can encourage him to try harder, but it doesn't sound like that's working out too well.

Is he physically writing checks? If so, WHY?? Have him switch to an ATM card where you can see the charges immediately -- that way you can check the online banking site each nite. It will show you any ATM withdrawals and/or pending sales waiting to go through. Then you'll know exactly how much is in there each night without him trying to remember checks he wrote. If he's not writing checks and it's just a matter of him forgetting to write in ATM receipts, then I think YOU are being petty -- you can go right on the bank website and find all the info you need without him duplicating efforts and writing it all in a checkbook register.

To be honest, I really don't keep a checkbook register anymore. I reconcile each night with online banking. Could the bank make a mistake? Sure, but in 35 years of "balancing" my checkbook, the bank never ONCE made an error. So I stopped balancing it! Now, I just check to see that all the charges that went through were actually made by be.

Maybe you need to change your approach a little so you can have peace of mind.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Who writes checks these days? If you need to, tell him to leave the checkbook at home, since he can't follow the rules the two of you agreed to. 

C


----------



## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Just ask your bank to send you duplicate checks:

Difference Between Single and Duplicate Checks


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
I always enter checks in a spreadsheet when I write them - make it easier to balance the account when I am done.

I use duplicate checks, but when you get near the bottom of the book, the old duplicates pile up in a way that makes it difficult to write new checks.


----------



## kindnessrules (Sep 5, 2014)

To clarify, these are debit card expenditures. And thanks so much to the person who said I'm being petty. I do not appreciate being judged for making myself vulnerable and asking for help. I thought this was supposed to be a safe place to talk about marriage issues.

Thanks to everyone else for caring enough to read my post and reply thoughtfully. 

Online banking would be helpful, but I don't do online banking, so I guess the best solution is to continue to remind him, which he consistently says he does not mind.

Just thought I would throw it out there and see if anyone had any words of wisdom. Thanks to all for your thoughtful and kind responses.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Given that it's not actually checks that aren't being written down, my advice is that you already have a tool available to give you everything you need. You're just closing not to use it. So you can continue to remind him, which will likely mean the issue will continue to happen. Or you can use the online banking, which will solve the problem. I know which one I'd recommend.. 

C


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Not to be rude, but you really can't change how responsible he is. All you're going to do is continue to remind him. He is going to continue to forget. You two are going to continue to have little spats about it....unless, you do something to change that. 

You know he can't be trusted to write his expenses down. 
You know you're more responsible in that department. 

Use the online banking. Mine tells me immediately how much was taken out, where is was, what time it happened...etc. That's the only way you're going to be able to know for sure how much money you have all of the time...unless of course you just take it all out of the bank and work with only cash.


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

kindnessrules said:


> To clarify, these are debit card expenditures.
> 
> Online banking would be helpful, but I don't do online banking, so I guess the best solution is to continue to remind him, which he consistently says he does not mind.



Have to say, the best solution is probably to start to do online banking since he is using a debit card for these purchases. Even if you don't automate your bills online, all you have to do is sign on the website to see where the money is going and what is in the account. It takes mere seconds to do. Automated withdrawals are also very easy to set up... it's a time saver and gives you peace of mind to know the bills are taken care of even if you (your husband perhaps) forgets).

I think nagging your husband about this will only get you so far. So be careful in thinking this is the best solution, as it has the potential to cause conflict. I would seek the solution that fosters some harmony in your relationship or at least, does not detract from it. The nagging approach may have him feeling henpecked after some time or you feeling more like a mom than a wife, creating a parent-child dynamic unnecessarily. 

Of course, encourage him to keep the receipts so you can verify any suspicious transactions or discrepancies but I think at the very least, opting for online banking for your pre-existing accounts will probably save the both of you a ton of hassle, time and bickering.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

So you need your H to manually paper document every electronic transaction he makes?? Why go to all that effort, and expect him to, when your bank already does this for you? You have access to a computer, so just download your transactions (the bank offers you several formats to do this).

If it was paper checks, then like Jung said, order the duplicate checkbooks that have a built in carbon copy.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

kindnessrules said:


> And thanks so much to the person who said I'm being petty. I do not appreciate being judged for making myself vulnerable and asking for help.


That was me who used the "P" word. And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be judgmental. I could have phrased it better -- instead of saying YOU are being petty, I should have worded it like this --> Don't let small problems that are easily solved (such as logging in to your bank account vs. constantly reminding your husband) cause friction in your marriage.

My sincere apologies.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

OP,

I was reluctant to use online banking too.

We just started using it in the last couple years.

But I _still_ get paper receipts and reconcile them with the online statement. I just can't quite "take my hands off the wheel" on that one yet. 

I think you will have to check in with him each night; just a friendly, "Got any receipts, hon?", no biggie.

Or, what we do: we have a dedicated box for all the slips/receipts and we both put them in there each day when we get home.

Has worked for us for years.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I have the same issue and if I didn't do online banking, I'd be lost. As long as he actually gets a receipt for every purchase, at least you'll be able to track the expenses down. If you don't get monthly statements in the mail, you could possibly get them sent by email from your bank, which might help with reconciling the account.

I use an in-tray for the receipts too. Maybe you could get a little table beside the front door where you can put keys etc when you walk in, and a box for the receipts, with a big label so it reminds him to drop his receipts in. Also a little notepad and pen if he remembers he bought something but didn't get a receipt, he can write it on a piece of paper and throw it in.


----------



## kindnessrules (Sep 5, 2014)

(quoting from intheory): " .... I think you will have to check in with him each night; just a friendly, "Got any receipts, hon?", no biggie...." Yes, this is what we do now and it seems to work okay, although someone else said it seems a little parental, which it probably is.

Thank you happyasaclam for clarifying the "petty" comment. It is very kind of you and I understand that your meaning was entirely different. It is so easy to misconstrue things written online, isn't it? 

I enjoyed reading all the helpful replies. Seems I'm not the only one who deals with this issue, and it is very interesting seeing how others handle family finances. I am not quite so technically sophisticated plus I don't have a smartphone with apps; I just have a PC so am on a much more primitive level than most. 

A box near the front door providing a place to put receipts sounds like a good plan but the problem is remembering to use it. My hard working H walks through the front door absolutely exhausted from a hard day at a demanding job and sometimes exhausted and sweaty from the health club, so his mind is on getting comfortable ASAP.

Someone pointed out: "You know he can't be trusted to write his expenses down.
You know you're more responsible in that department." That is true. Not a judgment, just the facts. We both have our strengths and weaknesses. Which means it's probably most practical for me to be the one to take responsibility in this case.

The reason I don't do online banking is that I'm squeamish about the security issue, ID theft, etc. I know it's supposed to be secure, but I'm still squeamish. But it could solve the problem so I am going to seriously consider giving it a try.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Ugh been there, done that. How about putting a basket or some other receptacle where he puts his wallet, then have him place any receipts he's collected for the day in that basket? It's something concrete that will remind him to do it on the regular.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Mint.com was a serious helper to us with budget/spending problems. And helps to keep everyone accountable and honest. You can download the app on your phone and always know your balance and even make a budget.

And honestly, online banking can help with fraud because you can catch something more readily if you only check your balance occasionally, it can be a long time before you find out about something, which makes it a lot harder to deal with.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some good suggestions here so far.

I suggest that you start using on-line banking. I have my alerts on my bank that send me an email every time a card is used on the account. It's great. It also sends me a daily balance notice. Keeps me on my toes.

All atm charges will show up immediately in the account, so you can see what's going right after something is purchased.


----------



## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Call me crazy, but I pay cash for most everything except utilities, tv, cell phone, auto ins. which I pay on a debit card & my mortgage is direct debit as I initiate it when I pay it. I also do the same with the outgo as far as my Roth IRA's and investments go. My family's money is allocated in cash for all other monthly expenses (gas, food, clothing, dining, etc...).

My wife, when she knew money was available in the account, would buy craft stuff, a soft drink, a toy for children, and so on so my solution was to only fund the account with money we need for bills so nothing was spent needlessly or not budgeted for. If a large purchase ever came up, we were sorta forced to discuss since the 'pile-o-cash' was earmarked for other monthly expenses...

...Hope this makes sense and somehow helps!


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Who uses a checkbook any more? GO ONLINE every evening, you can see every single transaction, why would you not go this route? I was ALWAYS forgetting to write stuff in my check book, and since I gave it up and go on line daily, I am in much better shape moneywise and stresswtise! Oh, and "just" having a pc is all you need!


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Is a soda or a toy really crazy stuff?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Starstarfish said:


> Is a soda or a toy really crazy stuff?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He said "craft", not "crazy"... :lol:


----------



## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> Is a soda or a toy really crazy stuff?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope, not at all. But when the purchases were made because money was there and NOT because it was something that was needed, it's problematic. It came down to a wants vs. needs and she was/is a free spirit. Now, with a budget in place, we each have money to spend freely as we wish that doesn't come from the bill paying account. 

In keeping with the spirit of the OP, I told of a tale where my W used the debit card without telling me when she would. When I went to pay the bills, the balance was lower then it should have been. Substitute "soda" and "toy" with anything really as it isn't the specific items that were an issue.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

My banking style has evolved from all paper to all electronic. Electronic is much easier to keep tabs on and very few people get their ENTIRE identity stolen - usually it's one compromised card which is quickly stopped and corrected by a bank - in fact, online banking will HELP because you can identify fraudulent charges within a day or so vs. waiting to get your statement and seeing unknown withdrawals.

But if you like the basket/receipt idea but need a reminder, why not just set a reminder on your phone? Set a reminder or appointment for that same time every day. If you want to handle it, just tell your husband to put his receipts in his wallet and you'll set a reminder alarm to go get the receipts every night. 

The other option is to look as the receipts for any given week (or two - whatever your normal budget cycle is like) and ask him to make an ATM withdrawal and use cash for all of those little purchases.

I have a friend who had this problem and unfortunately she simply gave him an allowance and didn't let him have a debit card and controlled all of the finances to the point he felt emasculated and couldn't even surprise her with flowers. So I commend you for working together.

Last resort would be separate accounts where a certain amount is deposited into the bill paying account and he has his own for miscellaneous expenses.


----------



## Jara (Nov 22, 2014)

Are you trying to track all spending (itemize) or just know how much money is spent?

If you just want to know how much is spent, but not what it's specifically on, could he carry cash with him? Take out $x amount of money at the beginning of the week. That way he only needs to say "Hey I took out $x" once a week rather than multiple times a day. It might be easier for him to keep track of/remember.


----------



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Allocating a cash allowance may curb these surprise charges...and daily visits to online banking rundown.


----------

