# Do you ever lurk on your ex (or exes) Facebook page or are you FB friends with an ex?



## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Just saw that one of my ex's got married last weekend and while I haven't had contact with her since I got married, I am happy for her. She and I really hit it off and dated on and off for a little more than a year but, ultimately, I did not want to be with a woman who had children from a previous relationship (as I have no children, myself).

I will remember this ex fondly for being easy going, being very pretty, being a great kisser and being wild in the bedroom, yet also falling very short in the bedroom as the only way she could climax was by masturbating...the only woman ever immune to my oral skills. My ego was too fragile to want a lifetime of that (although it was just as much wanting to be with a woman who didn't have children yet).

The only ex that really mattered to me, however, is very private and does not have a FB page and while she used to have a page/portfolio on a modeling website, she no longer does and I have had no contact with her since two weeks after meeting my wife. Probably better that I am completely in the dark there...out of sight, (almost) out of mind but I did lurk on her ex boyfriend's page who she was with for 2.5 years following our breakup and that didn't seem to end well as his family seemed relieved that the two of them broke up.

But, my wife and I have a rule that we are not FB friends with anyone we have ever slept with before, and while she has technically violated that rule, I have let it slide (as it is a woman who my wife was with a couple times in her early 20's but they don't even communicate...just one of 500 FB friends).



My only FB who is an ex is a woman I went to high school with and went on a couple dates with 5 years ago after reconnecting but she and I never had sex so my wife is ok with it. 

*What rules, if any, do others on here follow with being Facebook friends with exes?*


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

When things started getting serious between us, I deleted any 'exes' and discouraged any emails/calls/contact with any of them. It was a no brainer for me. I never wanted my husband to ask me "Who's ABC?" and get caught with my proverbial pants down  Besides, what's the point in keeping a 'collection'?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I have a handful of ex's on my FB, even my very first HS sweetheart  I don't communicate on a regular basis with any of them, only ever so often if they post something to their wall and I comment or vice versa. My H has one ex on his FB. We don't use FB often, really only to keep up with family (cousins, uncles, that kind of family) or long lost co-workers/friends or to share pics of our children growing up.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

That is just sick!

Yes, I lurk over my ex's facebook pages too.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Only two. From 20 years ago almost lol. I didn't sleep with either of them. We don't talk often.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Different strokes...different folks...

Me, or "we" personally... NO Ex's on FB!!! NONE. That's the rule we both live by. I don't care if you never even touched each other, NO Ex's on FB, and ofcourse that extends to peoiple you were intimate with who weren't techinically a boyfriend/girlfriend. There has to be boundaries in relationships. Its kinda hard to stay clear of that boundary, when you are having trouble in your marriage, and using the guy that use to "beat it up" , who had the 10" member, with the girth of a soup can, back in HS as your ear to vent to. 

All of a sudden, his childish ways won't seem that bad to you, and your husband will seem more and more like a villian. You'll forget all about how they used to cheat on you, and dog you, and disrespect, all your selective memory will remind you of is the good times... in the bedroom, how good you felt. 

Or guys... remember that chick who lived down the hall? You remember her, 5'7, built like an amazon, 36D bra, body spray of Impule, who was a screamer, begged for anal and you could get to her to squirt everytime??? See people, you don't nee folks from your past, this close to you, literally an IM away. There is a reason why they are a part of your toxic past. Too much temptation, nothing, ever comes good of stuff like this.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I've lurked a few times, wouldn't be friends with ex's though. I know my husband is FB friends with a couple of his ex's, but they don't chat or anything. He told me when they friend requested him and I don't have a problem with him on FB. They see me all over his page anyway... LOL


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

I used to have my FB pretty wide open so anyone could see it, in the hopes that my ex or exes would see me, my wife, all of our travels (in just the three years we've been together we've traveled internationally quite a bit) and to just generally see what they missed out on, although only one of my exes dumped me and that is the one I most hoped would see....hopefully to see that I had done better than she had, that she could have had a good life with me, that she could have continued traveling to exotic places (in just 15 months together, she and I went on 3 international trips, including an amazing trip to South Africa)...but given that she dumped me, I guess she would be the least likely one to lurk on my FB page. My wife has since made my FB page private to all but other FB friends and is not shy about logging into my FB (and email) to snoop around which I find invasive but not enough so that I wish to make a battle of it...short of some flirtatious IM's with an old high school friend I haven't seen in 20 yrs, I never had anything to hide, yet she tends to be way too suspicious and untrusting despite being plastered all over my FB page and even together with me in my profile photo and she even takes it a step further by having a 2.5 yr old wedding photo of us as her profile photo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

One sick thing I did FB-wise, was search the name of H's old 'flame' from where he lived before moving back east. Well, I found her, but I really wished I hadn't....when I saw what she looked like....well, let's just say that even though I now know I have NOTHING to worry about, the thought of him with HER just grosses me out to no end, even now!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Angel5112 said:


> * "I used to have my FB pretty wide open so anyone could see it, in the hopes that my ex or exes would see me, my wife, all of our travels (in just the three years we've been together we've traveled internationally quite a bit) and to just generally see what they missed out on, although only one of my exes dumped me and that is the one I most hoped would see"*
> 
> Seriously? You are using your wife, your WIFE, as arm candy to make your ex's jealous.
> Beyond that, you sound like you never got over your ex. I would guess that your wife is also intuitive enough to see this fact as well. I wonder why she could possibly be "suspicious and untrusting" of you, her fabulously loyal husband, who sends flirtatious IM’s to another woman and is still obsessed with his ex. I just can’t fathom why she isn’t fawning over your greatness and trusting you implicitly…


Yeah Cali guy, the more you post, the more I just shake my head. First she is dumb, too fat, not ambitious, needs double d's and now THIS?!


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Yeah Cali guy, the more you post, the more I just shake my head. First she is dumb, too fat, not ambitious, needs double d's and now THIS?!


First of all, I have never said she was "dumb." Is she as on the same page as me as my ex-wife and my ex-gf? No, but she is not dumb.

Second of all, about her weight, I just don't think it is a good idea for her to go into pregnancy until she drops 10-15 pounds...that does not make her fat...I want it for her health, for the baby's health and, especially, for her post partum recovery.

Third, yes, I would like her to finally follow through and get her credential. On her own initiative, she has spent significant money on study guides, a weeklong class, and has taken the exam three or four times (it is $60 each time and she misses half a day of work each time).

Lastly, the Double D's are HER idea...why would any man stand in the way of that? She is not flat...she is a C cup but if that is what she wants and it makes her feel good about her body, why on Earth would I stand in the way? She wanted rhinoplasty earlier this year, and I did not stand in the way of that, either.

Keep shaking your head and reading more into my posts than there is.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Angel5112 said:


> I wonder why she could possibly be "suspicious and untrusting" of you, her fabulously loyal husband, who sends flirtatious IM’s to another woman and is still obsessed with his ex. I just can’t fathom why she isn’t fawning over your greatness and trusting you implicitly…


Exactly, right????!!! :iagree::scratchhead::rofl:


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

When you break up with someone (or they break up with you) there are usually a couple of hundred reasons for that break up. Getting back together (especially on facebook) could be seen as a way of ignoring those reasons you broke up in the first place.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Jeez, why is your wife suspicious of you? Just because you have flirtatious IM's with an ex and you are craving the attention of Ms. South Africa road trip while also asking her to lose weight constantly? That's crazy! 


Anyway, I unfriended my ex-wife on Facebook because it honestly just bugged the hell out of me to see her updates. I just don't need the reminders. I have one ex girlfriend contact, but haven't actually talked to her yet. Probably shouldn't have her there either. 

Generally, I'd rather just deal in the now and not the past.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

> the guy that use to "beat it up" , who had the 10" member, with the girth of a soup can, back in HS as your ear to vent to.


My husband exceeds my 2 exes in all areas. I don't have current exes on FB because I have no interest.
I don't even know why the two exes are on my page. They've always been on it. We rarely talk...they have their own lives, wives, families. lolll Maybe i should delete!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I am not FB friends with any of my ex's. Especially my last ex. They are all ex's for a reason. And I do not lurk on their pages either, if they have them...

I did however find a friend that I haven't talked to in 15 years. I added his as a friend... Don't talk to him all that much tho..


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CandieGirl said:


> One sick thing I did FB-wise, was search the name of H's old 'flame' from where he lived before moving back east. Well, I found her, but I really wished I hadn't....when I saw what she looked like....well, let's just say that even though I now know I have NOTHING to worry about, the thought of him with HER just grosses me out to no end, even now!


I feel the same way about my husbands ex.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CalifGuy said:


> First of all, I have never said she was "dumb." Is she as on the same page as me as my ex-wife and my ex-gf? No, but she is not dumb.
> 
> *Second of all, about her weight, I just don't think it is a good idea for her to go into pregnancy until she drops 10-15 pounds...that does not make her fat...I want it for her health, for the baby's health and, especially, for her post partum recovery.*
> 
> ...


You know CalifGuy- Even of your wife were to lose weight before pregnancy doesn't mean it will still be a healthy pregnancy. I was at a healthy weight when I got pregnant and that did not matter at all. I developed gestational diabetes. I'm just saying... Shoot I walked all the time while I was pregnant, it is supposed to help with labor and delivery.. I ended up having to have an emergency c-section, anyway. i am just saying that sometimes things are out of your control.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Soccerfan73 said:


> Jeez, why is your wife suspicious of you? Just because you have flirtatious IM's with an ex and you are craving the attention of Ms. South Africa road trip while also asking her to lose weight constantly? That's crazy!
> 
> 
> Anyway, I unfriended my ex-wife on Facebook because it honestly just bugged the hell out of me to see her updates. I just don't need the reminders. I have one ex girlfriend contact, but haven't actually talked to her yet. Probably shouldn't have her there either.
> ...


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