# Need help!!



## Wizkid9382 (Feb 24, 2016)

Let me start by saying thanks in advance for any help or advice. 
So here we go. I was married with my ex wife for 14 years until we separated and divorced in 2015. We never had any abuse , infidelity or anything in that nature. It was more of arguments, not getting along, but mostly my fault for being a little controlling not letting her be independent . I had my reasoning, like based on her health and so forth.

So she decided to file for divorce. We have a 7 year old child together. I tried for over 1 year to beg for forgiveness and she just wouldn't accept it. It came to a point where she would tell me she didn't love me, to forget about her and move on. At one point she did mention to give her time to heal. 

So I got tired of begging and just decided to move on and that's it.
So I met a wonderful woman 4 months ago and we just got married a few day ago. But now my ex wife called 
me, and said she still loves me and wants to give us another shot. I'm torn into pieces because deep inside I love my ex wife and my child. During the time of separation I've learned a lot and became a better person. I married this other woman because she is a great person. Any ma would fall in love with her. But I had 14 years of marriage that I don't want to just throw away. My son loves me and asks me when I'm comin home. I don't know what should I do. Please anyone give me sme advice.
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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You divorced for a reason. She's only back now because you found someone else. It Happens.

If you're smart you won't repeat the same mistake you made for the 14 years prior.

Limit all contact except for the child.

Do the vows you made to your wife mean anything???? 

If you go back there is a great chance she'll just dump you again. Better use your head here not your heart.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Exes are exes for a reason.

She left the marrriage. You have found an amazing woman.

It is impossible to drive forward while focused on the rear view mirror.

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## Wizkid9382 (Feb 24, 2016)

Though I was a great provider, I probably want the best husband. We had our good times and bad. I was never really affectionate with her. I grew up in a broken home. Now she is indpendent, something I never let he do. I was the man of the house, and provided for everything and did everything.

The other thing I've changed a lot as a person. This new woman has taught me so much, I've became passionate, affectionate, sweet, kind and loving person.

So I have the IF..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Then show the new woman how much you appreciate her...by leaving an ex where she belongs...in the past.

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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

I guess she shouldn't have waited so long before trying to contact you to work things out. I mean, c'mon...AFTER you're already married again? How long was it between your separation and your new marriage?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

You only dated this woman for four months and then married her?? Why?


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## Wizkid9382 (Feb 24, 2016)

SecondTime'Round said:


> You only dated this woman for four months and then married her?? Why?


I got separated March 2015 finalize divorce sep 2015. During that time I tried to work things out but she didn't want to. Then I meet this woman and we clicked very well. She is very settled smart, beautiful, and knows what she wants. So I was living with her for 3 months but I am a Christian and based on my beliefs, living with someone without marriage is wrong. And don't get me wrong, this woman is the kind any man would love and marry. I have no doubts about that at all.

But I would lie if I said I don't miss my family. Maybe I didn't wait enough time? I just go tired of waiting and I figured to give myself a shot at happiness.

On a other note .. My previous marriage was also Christian based and we were married by her father who is a pastor . Unfortunately he passed away in 2010
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## Wizkid9382 (Feb 24, 2016)

JukeboxHero said:


> I guess she shouldn't have waited so long before trying to contact you to work things out. I mean, c'mon...AFTER you're already married again? How long was it between your separation and your new marriage?


I just got married Sunday
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Wizkid9382 said:


> Maybe I didn't wait enough time?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm, ya think??


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## Wizkid9382 (Feb 24, 2016)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Hmmm, ya think??


Yeah but you have to understand during that time of trying she would say she doesn't love me. And she would never ever get back with me. To forget her and move on. So it came to a point I believed it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlisonBlaire (Feb 5, 2015)

Ugh, contacting you after you just got married? I wonder if your ex thought you wouldn't go through with the marriage to your wife. Did she show ANY signs of affection, wanting you back until you remarried?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Wizkid9382 said:


> Yeah but you have to understand during that time of trying she would say she doesn't love me. And she would never ever get back with me. To forget her and move on. So it came to a point I believed it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That doesn't have anything to do with getting married so fast, does it?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I am guessing that she wants you back because you found someone else. I have known many divorced women in my life and when they hear that their ex husbands are getting married, they do not take it well or panic and start to believe that they still love him. Before you married, you were still out there, available if she needed you and not able to find anyone as good as she was. Now things have changed. I have been told by professionals that once a person tells you that they are not in love with you, just once, it is time to move on. Adults do not really change much and the little that they do change may not be in the way that you want. 

Enjoy your new wife and share custody of your kid. Your life will be much better that way. I never begged a woman to come back to me in my life. If I had and they came back to me, I would have never met my wonderful wife of 45 years who made my life so much better than the ones who left me could. One is married to a woman and the other became a crack ***** turned stripper. They needed space and to find themselves. They found themselves all right. 

Think about this. When you are away from your ex wife, you are mostly thinking about the good times and tend to forget the bad times. If you get back together you will remember the bad times again. I have moved in and out of NYC 6 times. I just love the big city but when I live away from it, I miss all of the good things about it. As soon as I move back, it is not as good as I remembered it and all the little things that made me move away in the first place, were still there. It is like that with exes.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your ex wife hates you and wants to ruin your life.

Don't fall for the trick.


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## Wizkid9382 (Feb 24, 2016)

AlisonBlaire said:


> Ugh, contacting you after you just got married? I wonder if your ex thought you wouldn't go through with the marriage to your wife. Did she show ANY signs of affection, wanting you back until you remarried?


In all honesty she was on lock down. She rarely would contact me. And she don't tell me she loved me and that I am an will always be the love of her life. And she regret not opening up sooner and give our family another shot. She thought she hated me, but then realized it wasn't so and she still loves me.

This happen the day after I got married. I suppose she saw my post on Facebook.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

When my son was 10 I bought him a really nice train set for Christmas. But he could have cared less. Sat in the corner of the basement gathering dust. Until some weeks later my 8 year old discovered it and built an elaborate toy town in the basement with Legos and hot wheels and had this train set as the centerpiece.
Then one day my 10 year old heard the train whistle and went downstairs and saw the little village and he burst into a tear filled rage. 
And then he cried to me complaining that his brother had stolen the train set and wanted "his" train back.
Now tell me which of these two boys deserved the train set?
Here endeth the lesson.


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## AlisonBlaire (Feb 5, 2015)

Wizkid9382 said:


> In all honesty she was on lock down. She rarely would contact me. And she don't tell me she loved me and that I am an will always be the love of her life. And she regret not opening up sooner and give our family another shot. She thought she hated me, but then realized it wasn't so and she still loves me.
> 
> This happen the day after I got married. I suppose she saw my post on Facebook.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She came out of hiding when you got remarried? When I look over what you've typed here, it makes me think that she thought you wouldn't go through with your wedding. Then when she realized that you DID get remarried, she was startled. You got married, but it wasn't to *her*. I can only speculate, but I feel that if she contacted you after this remarriage, then she was hoping against hope that you would only pine for her. Again, only my interpretation here.


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## Wizkid9382 (Feb 24, 2016)

AlisonBlaire said:


> She came out of hiding when you got remarried? When I look over what you've typed here, it makes me think that she thought you wouldn't go through with your wedding. Then when she realized that you DID get remarried, she was startled. You got married, but it wasn't to *her*. I can only speculate, but I feel that if she contacted you after this remarriage, then she was hoping against hope that you would only pine for her. Again, only my interpretation here.


She also said that now I can move on because your married. I've turned away a lot of great people because she could not open to anyone else because I was the love of her life. Then she FaceTime me the old park where we would take or son together to walk. And that her dream of having the perfect family is over.
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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Are you certain you are still in love with your ex wife the "person" or are you in love with the fantasy of the perfect life and family that you hoped to have with her? If it's the first option you may as well annul your current marriage because it never should have happened. Makes me feel sorry for your current wife having to live in the shadow of your ex and what could have been.

There's nothing wrong with feeling a bit nostalgic about your past marriage and what could have been. The thing is it was proved to you over the years that you and the ex were not a good couple, and a bad couple leads to a bad marriage and not raising your child in a healthy and happy home. 

Your ex is your ex, stop romanticizing about the life you had with her, it didn't work, and most likely wouldn't work if you tried again. You owe it to your current wife to make the best of life with her, focus all your attention toward that goal. Limit all contact with the ex except when it comes to your child.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You take a good bit of blame for the failure of your first marriage. You say that you've improved and change over the year since that happened. Now you're going to be the reason your second marriage fails. Because of that, it doesn't seem to me like you've changed enough. Unless you fix yourself and become a man who can be counted on. As you are now, no woman can count on you to be a life partner. You should never have married again, you still are as selfish as you were in your first M. You're not ready for marriage, it has nothing to do with Christianity. 

Best


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## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

Yes, you should've govern yourself more time before getting married. 

My ex did something similar. He called 2 days before saying "don't marry him, may me instead". I don't think it was because he loved me so much, it was to see how much I'd give up for him. All our issues would've been the same, and I'd have missed being in a mostly awesome marriage with a mostly amazing man 

A marriage after such a short time is gonna be tough enough, don't give the ex the opportunity to make it harder.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

She is just saying all this crap because you got married, do your new wife a favor and stop talking to the ex unless it has to do with the child.

Misery loves company and she made her own, move on with this new wife you took vows with. The ex does not deserve you time of day.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Your first wife was a personal problem and you duly extracted yourself from it!

"Moving on" for you entailed bringing yourself together for a grand total of 4 months after divorce. 

If that truly was the case, you had to be dating your new W well before the ink was ever dried on the divorce decree! Now that you've married her, your original W is exhibiting her "control freak" tendencies by trying to reel you back in!

Provided that you want to go back to her, your only remedy might be an annulment from your second wife, but if you exercise that option, then you'd better have just cause!

In any event, you really need some serious counseling no matter who you end up being married to!*
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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Oh my. 

The hamster in your brain called "what if" is running circles right now, spinning that hamster wheel really fast trying to justify any logic of truth towards all your questions you posted here. 

Please don't go down this road. You are wasting precious moments with your new wife, thinking to much about the old one. Give your new wife all that attention and create a new set of wonderful life experiences. It's not fair to your current wife if you continue to live in the past. 

I had a really old car once. Loved that thing. Me and the friends would take it camping. Drop the hatch and have tailgate parties. Sometimes I think about the fun I would have IF ONLY I had it back. Some great memories with that vehicle. 

Oh wait. That car was a frustrating piece of crap. It was always breaking down on me at the worst times. Always expecting me to pamper and care for it, but never really living up to its side of the deal by staying running well enough for any length of time. Finally I had enough and had to make it my ex-car. My new one after that was much more reliable and ran with loyalty for me. 

Best wishes to you, friend.
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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Wizkid9382 said:


> Let me start by saying thanks in advance for any help or advice.
> So here we go. I was married with my ex wife for 14 years until we separated and divorced in 2015. We never had any abuse , infidelity or anything in that nature. It was more of arguments, not getting along, but mostly my fault for being a little controlling not letting her be independent . I had my reasoning, like based on her health and so forth.
> 
> So she decided to file for divorce. We have a 7 year old child together. I tried for over 1 year to beg for forgiveness and she just wouldn't accept it. It came to a point where she would tell me she didn't love me, to forget about her and move on. At one point she did mention to give her time to heal.
> ...



So she said she wants you back AFTER you got married? She doesn't like the fact that you have moved on and only wants you back because she wants what she can't have. You are officially off the market and she doesn't like that at all. 

You need to tell her that it's her turn to move on now.

However, I do wonder if you are having doubts about your new marriage already and still don't want to "throw away" your previous marriage, then maybe you got remarried too soon. You even questioning what you should do is a huge red flag to how your current marriage will end up.

eta: How long have you actually known your new wife? Why did you marry her so soon? Was she an affair partner of yours during your previous marriage? You said twice that any man would love her, did you marry her because you feel like you "won" against every other man so she wouldn't leave you?


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

As long as you were still trying to keep the fires burning, your XW could treat you like $hit and you would still be mr. reliable waiting around for her. 

I don't hold out a lot of hope for this new whirlwind relationship with your new wife, because it sounds more like a rebound. You probably should have taken more time to get to know her. Nevertheless, I hope you found a real diamond there. Good luck.

As for your ex, tell her to pound sand. She blew it.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Wizkid9382 said:


> Yeah but you have to understand during that time of trying she would say she doesn't love me. And she would never ever get back with me. To forget her and move on. So it came to a point I believed it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You were correct in your assumption. She probably doesn't want you now either. It's just that someone else Replaced her. Move on

It's like a kid not wanting a toy until someone else plays with it.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Here is the rub, you are a Christian and made vows - period. You cannot claim to be one thing and turn around and do the opposite. Shame on your ex for contacting you. Does your wife know about this ?


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