# Money Changes People



## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

and not always for the good. Just the opposite usually. I will try and make this short.

My mom gave me $2000.00 to keep in an acct. under my name for emergencies having to do with a mentally ill brother when they are in FL. In case he needs money. I made a huge mistake of giving it to the man I live with to cash and put in our joint acct. Instead he put it in an E trade acct. which is the stock market saying it was silly to have that much just not collecting any interest. I thought at the time it was strange because if we need it in a hurry we cannot get it. It will be tied up but I let it go stupidly.

My mom asked me for that money and I told her what I did and she got furious. Now she thinks that the man I live with is controlling me and manipulating me. He feels terrible and cashed the money in and I gave it back to her. It was my fault for not honoring her wishes in the first place and I have apologized.

The man I live with does not agree with how we handle my mentally ill brother. I feel it is none of his business. I do not get into his family business at all. 

This has caused horrible tension between us and we are barely speaking to one another now.

I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Yeah, money changes people. It was only $2,000; why would your partner even get involved? I can understand why your mother would be upset.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

If it costs you $2000 to be done with this 'man', is it worth it? He's stolen from you.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Yes it does, and sometimes good but most of the time negatively.

And ever since my wife's career took off in 2009 and she began making $10,000 more a year with a new fancy title and higher position, our marriage has really suffered badly as a result because she's always stressed and feeling overworked as a result. The fact that we have more money is great but the toll it's taking on our marriage doesn't feel really worth it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I don't think he stole from you. sound like he foolishly made a unilateral decision.

Your mom asked you to put the money in a separate account. You were going to put it in a joint account. Not a good choice either.

When your mom needed the money your husband gave it to you. All is well that ends well.

About your husband's opinion of your mentally ill brother. Depending on how much of your time and energy goes into caring for him, your husband very well have a right to say something.

I have a nephew who is schizophrenic. I helped him out for about 18 months. Doing this was seriously affecting my family. In the end he went back to live with his parents (he’s 24). We were in and out of the mental hospital with him; trying to get him to live on his own. I got him on SSI . it’s very time consuming.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Cee Paul said:


> Yes it does, and sometimes good but most of the time negatively.
> 
> And ever since my wife's career took off in 2009 and she began making $10,000 more a year with a new fancy title and higher position, our marriage has really suffered badly as a result because she's always stressed and feeling overworked as a result. The fact that we have more money is great but the toll it's taking on our marriage doesn't feel really worth it.


I know what you are talking about. But, in my case, the money is needed. I just have to figure out for myself when enough is enough if nothing changes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> Yes it does, and sometimes good but most of the time negatively.
> 
> And ever since my wife's career took off in 2009 and she began making $10,000 more a year with a new fancy title and higher position, our marriage has really suffered badly as a result because she's always stressed and feeling overworked as a result. The fact that we have more money is great but the toll it's taking on our marriage doesn't feel really worth it.


What can be done to lessen the stress?

Who cleans the house? Maybe you can hire someone to do it if you don't already?

What can she do to relax and get rid or at least reduce the stress? 

This problem is common in marriages as the career of one or both partners reves up.

When this happens with the man's career the wife is expected to accept it. After all he's a good husband because he's working so hard. And poeple tend to overlook the toll it has on the marriage. 

Instead in all cases, for men and women, the way to handle it is for the couple to look at ways to make it work.

Spending some of the extra income on hired help, and doing things that relax and rejuvinate are a very wise thing to do.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What can be done to lessen the stress?
> 
> Who cleans the house? Maybe you can hire someone to do it if you don't already?
> 
> ...


We both do a bunch of household chores(mainly on weekends)and we have a cleaning service come in about every 6 weeks, so we are trying to find ways around her being stressed but she does a lot of it to herself.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> We both do a bunch of household chores(mainly on weekends)and we have a cleaning service come in about every 6 weeks, so we are trying to find ways around her being stressed but she does a lot of it to herself.


IT's a shame that she does. It can be hard to get out of the mold from work and unwind. 

Hopefully she'll find more ways to unwind.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> IT's a shame that she does. It can be hard to get out of the mold from work and unwind.
> 
> Hopefully she'll find more ways to unwind.


She mainly just takes it all out on me week after week even though I have pleaded with her not to!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> She mainly just takes it all out on me week after week even though I have pleaded with her not to!


How is she taking it out on you?

There are ways to stop her from doing that.


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

I'm sorry, but those do sound like the traits of a controlling, manipulative person. I know from experience.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hang on a second there... ok...

Your mother gave you $2K for your ill brother for emergencies, you put it in a joint account -> Why? Did he pressure you for it? Emergency money is not money to play with. I believe in investments myself, I run a business after all, always a gamble! Was he aware that it was an emergency fund? He seems pretty remorseful about it though based on your post.

As for the topic, I believe real wealth is when you don't have to stress yourself out about money. Financial freedom in other words. When you can survive without working (much)


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

2k...........doesn't do anything to me at all. If it was 10 million I would like to say nothing would change, but I'm not naive it would be harder to be a great dad, husband, coworker, etc etc with that type of money at my disposal.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How is she taking it out on you?
> 
> There are ways to stop her from doing that.


With her it's either get in my car and leave or go lock myself in a room, but after 5 or 6 times of doing that it gets pretty old and is not a good solution if it doesn't make her stop. And pleaaaase don't say "calmly talk things out" because that road has already been covered too and always ends up back at square one. *sigh*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> With her it's either get in my car and leave or go lock myself in a room, but after 5 or 6 times of doing that it gets pretty old and is not a good solution if it doesn't make her stop. And pleaaaase don't say "calmly talk things out" because that road has already been covered too and always ends up back at square one. *sigh*


My ex used to do what your wife does and worse. I finally wrote him a note saying that when things started to get loud/heated I was just going to walk away to give us both time to cool off (did not put blame on him). That it was each person's responsiblity to calm themself down. I would only discuss things when things were calm.

Then I did it. It took a few months... when he's follow my yelling I'd just tell him to stop and clam himself down. 

Eventually he started to just leave and take a bike ride. Things got significantly better. 

But he never stopped cheating and other problems never got better. So I left.

Sadly, sometimes leaving is all a person can do.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> My ex used to do what your wife does and worse. I finally wrote him a note saying that when things started to get loud/heated I was just going to walk away to give us both time to cool off (did not put blame on him). That it was each person's responsiblity to calm themself down. I would only discuss things when things were calm.
> 
> Then I did it. It took a few months... when he's follow my yelling I'd just tell him to stop and clam himself down.
> 
> ...


That's why we've both talked about and agreed that we either fix this or part ways in 2013.


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