# Am I unreasonable for thinking my girlfriend spends too much time with her ex husband



## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Long story short. The woman that I have been dating was married to her ex husband for 20 years. They have been divorced for 10 years and have 3 adult children ages 25, 23, and 19. He is wealthy and cheated on her during the marriage. They divorce and he is now remarried.

Many years ago, I dated this same woman right out of high school who dumped me for her now ex husband.

During this phase of our recent dating, I noticed that she travels long trips in the same car with her ex husband and his current wife to go visit one of the kids . She rides in the back seat as the third wheel. :scratchhead: These are six hour trips one way. She claims that she has forgiven him for his infidelities during their marriage because it is the high moral ground and the Christian thing to do. She also goes to parties at their house and also goes out to dinner with them. The ex's current wife is a doormat and tolerates all this because of his wealth. I think it feeds into his ego that he and his wife and ex wife all have this great relationship together.

She has wanted to get intimate with me over the last 2 months but I have forced myself to keep a distance because other issues make me feel uncomfortable. He still rescues her financially ( not part of the divorce agreement) which I am sure makes him feel like a hero of sorts.

I expressed these concerns to her the other evening and even mentioned that I thought they could end up together again some day if his current marriage does not work. I was even curious why she dumped me for him many years ago and she could not remember why. I told her that I felt that I was second choice. She was surprised that I was uncomfortable that she participates in functions with them. She also stated that I was jealous which I agreed but emphasized that my inability to get intimate with her was to protect myself from getting hurt. 

Her three boys make fun of their father's wife and don't like her and their mother laughs and enjoys listening to the stories that they tell about her. To me, this contradicts her affirmation of reaching the high moral ground of forgiveness.

I understand that there has to be some level of respectful communication between her and her ex because of the kids and I told her this. However, I also stated that I respectfully disagree with her level of interaction, and I am moving on.

She does not understand why I feel the way I do which just reinforces that this is trouble for me. I know some people think that I may be unreasonable but my gut instinct is telling me this will never be a good relationship for me. Am I better off for moving on?


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Follow your gut feeling. It will save you in the end.


It will be tough, but you deserve someone who will put you first in their life and someone that you can treat as #1 (just behind yourself) with no hesitations.

Good luck.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Your girlfriend will return to her ex-husband. Your gut tells you so. She dumped you for him years ago. She will do it again. She is waiting for his marriage to fail so that she can again be his wife. She is hovering. You are a fallback.

Move on. Save yourself the heartache. This woman is not for you. She is opportunistic. She is still financially dependent on her ex-husband, although her children are grown-up. 

You need to have a wife or a relationship that is about you and not the ex-husband. Your inner feelings are telling you that this relationship will not work. Hear yourself and see the red flags. You deserve a better life. This woman will not provide this for you.


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## AriYarjan (Mar 21, 2015)

I agree with your gut. It sounds like she still is in love with him. She dumped you for him before and will do it again given half a chance. Also she didn't forgive him because of Christian values but more because she desires him.

And she sounds like a disrespectful person.

Follow your gut.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Thanks for your replies. I can't believe that she is playing dumb with my concerns. There has to be a line drawn in the sand when the marriage is over and the kids are grown. If she wanted the best interest for the ex's current marriage, she would not be encouraging the negative remarks from her kids. Why would anyone want to be a third wheel at the dinner table or in a car ride? :scratchhead:


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

goldstandard said:


> I agreed but emphasized that my inability to get intimate with her was to protect myself from getting hurt.


I doubt that's going to make any difference in how you feel when this all comes tumbling down.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Like it or not, this woman has a connection with her ex husband that you don't and never will have. He's the father of her kids. He'll be the grandfather of her grandchildren. She spent most of her adult life with him. If they got divorced 10 years ago when her kids were minors and he's wealthy, I might assume he has been her primary source of financial security for nearly 30 years. If it is important for you to have a very exclusive relationship with a woman, you probably need to find one who doesn't have that much history with another living man. Color me suspicious but she's just getting around to finding a new relationship right after her youngest child becomes an adult? Was he paying child support and has it ended or will it end soon? What other financial support does she have? She's probably around 50 and still depending on him for financial security? During their 10 years of being technically divorced, were they still hanging out as closely as they are, now or is this some new development? If I had been supporting a woman for 30 years and shortly after that legal obligation ended she became unusually friendly with me, I'd suspect she was trying to get access to my wallet through other means.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are totally correct to follow your gut instinct and move on. 

Everything about this situation screams dysfunction. From the amount of time your GF sticks her nose in her ex-husband's marriage and life, to the lack of respect her boys show their step-mom...

She dumps you for her ex and to this day cannot tell you why? 

She discounts your feelings and pulls the good ole' "you're just jealous and insecure" play on you? My, my...how original. 

Nah. This is a bunch of bullsh!t. Dump her ass and move on to a better woman. This one is a lemon.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Definitely move on. Just like men will put up with a lot of stuff for looks and sex women will put up with a ton of stuff for money.....well at least these two will. 

She probably didn't want the marriage to end, but ex is a cheater. But he's also got money. 

You can do better. Just because she plays dumb doesn't mean you have to buy it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Dump her YESTERDAY.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

goldstandard said:


> Thanks for your replies. I can't believe that she is playing dumb with my concerns. There has to be a line drawn in the sand when the marriage is over and the kids are grown. If she wanted the best interest for the ex's current marriage, she would not be encouraging the negative remarks from her kids. Why would anyone want to be a third wheel at the dinner table or in a car ride? :scratchhead:


Money makes people do crazy things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlisonBlaire (Feb 5, 2015)

> Her three boys make fun of their father's wife and don't like her and their mother laughs and enjoys listening to the stories that they tell about her. To me, this contradicts her affirmation of reaching the high moral ground of forgiveness.


This is the thing that I found most troubling. That really irks me that she is acting one way around her ex and his current wife, then participates in the trash talk behind the current wife's back. If she can act like this with someone, she can be like this with *anyone*.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Good sex fixes a lot of problems but maybe not all.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Line up your legal issues and just move out.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Lila said:


> OP,
> 
> You got excellent advice on this same topic a little over a month ago.
> 
> ...


haha yes I was going to post the same thing. What's wrong, didn't you like the answers you got last time? You've not even been intimate yet, so I don't see how this is even much of a relationship. You already know that you're uncomfortable opening this can of worms. You already know you don't like it. You already know she doesn't see a problem. So yeah, this thing is going nowhere fast. And you've not gotten past 3rd base (apparently by your own choice). Not sure why you're holding on so tight.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Lila, thanks for finding that. OP, this is no longer an issue about your girlfriend. It's an issue of YOU being too weak to stop being her doormat.

Are you ready to change?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I see little point in putting in my 2 cents, because they're exactly the same as everybody else's - what are you waiting for???? Get out!

I didn't see your first post, so I made the assumption (based on this one) that you two had been together for a while now.

And by "a while", I mean long enough that losing her could set you back a few years and that you'd actually have pieces to pick up.

With all due respect, you've only been dating her for a few months. With everything you've said about her in this post (and the other), I'm not exactly sure what you see in her, nor what a big loss this would be for you.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Bang the $hit out of her a few times then dump her!!!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> Bang the $hit out of her a few times then dump her!!!!!


Oh yea, that's just great advice... :scratchhead:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Oh yea, that's just great advice... :scratchhead:


Why not? Treat her like what she is! A *****!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Just make sure you wrap it up!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

goldstandard said:


> Thanks for your replies. I can't believe that she is playing dumb with my concerns. There has to be a line drawn in the sand when the marriage is over and the kids are grown. If she wanted the best interest for the ex's current marriage, she would not be encouraging the negative remarks from her kids. Why would anyone want to be a third wheel at the dinner table or in a car ride? :scratchhead:


Have you asked her these questions?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Oh yea, that's just great advice... :scratchhead:


:rofl:


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> Many years ago, I dated this same woman right out of high school who dumped me for her now ex husband.


And you call his ex wife a doormat.. Hello pot, this is kettle.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Oh yea, that's just great advice... :scratchhead:


It's generally good advice. That's how a short relationship with absolutely no leg to stand on should be treated.

But I get your point  The OP has serious "doormat-ism" issues and suffers from serious insecurities that make him outright abusive to himself. Sex with that woman would not be a good thing.

Hey GoldStandard, did you dump her yet? 

How about now?

It's getting late.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Thanks for your responses. No, I am no longer with her. I broke it off last week. I'm sorry that I posted this concern of mine a few weeks ago. I tried to break it off back then but got hovered back in.

It is over now and I will not be going back. I was accused of being jealous and immature that I don't accept that she participates in many functions with her ex and his wife. I do struggle with a lack of self esteem which is why I reposted my concern once again. I was looking for reassurance that what was bothering me about it was not inappropriate. I don't think it is a matter of me being jealous as much as a feeling of being uncomfortable. Besides, this ex she dumped me for years ago. I feel like second choice or consolation prize and I don't need to have him thrown in my face all the time as a reminder. She told me that if I had more self confidence, it would not bother me to join them in their functions together.

I agree that I lack self confidence and I am in therapy for that. I think it would be easier for me to find someone who has minimum contact with an ex. I am sorry that I reposted this same concern as before. Even if I wasn't a doormat and had more self confidence, I would not want to be a part of her and her ex. I don't want to remain a doormat which is why I am in therapy and why I reached out to you guys for help. For those of you who enjoy belittling me for struggling the way I am over this situation, is this not the site to reach out for help? Or is this a site for everyone who has all the answers? For those who wanted to give me the good advice that you gave because you want to help me, thank you very much for your help and time.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

goldstandard,

I have been where you are and, yes, at times it does feel like others (including myself) are belittling you. It's often what kicks people into realizing the sh1tiness of their situation. 

Good for you for breaking it off. Now make sure you never, and I really mean NEVER, get involved with this woman again. She's had a hold on your life for a very long time. It's important for you to release yourself from that rope around your neck. She is capable of pulling you back in if push comes to shove. 

Don't let her do that again.

The chances of you finding someone better and more loving than her are literally 100% at this point  Don't be scared!


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## AriYarjan (Mar 21, 2015)

I think you did the right thing goldstandard. This is not a question of being a doormat or not. She simply is not ready to have the kind of relationship with you that you need.

It is clear that she will be forever linked to her ex and whats more, she wants to be.

You just chose not to be part of her mixed up situation.

Well done and now you must focus on moving on and not concentrating on anything she says.


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## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

goldstandard said:


> I don't want to remain a doormat which is why I am in therapy and why I reached out to you guys for help. For those of you who enjoy belittling me for struggling the way I am over this situation, is this not the site to reach out for help?


It is a great place to get help. Sometimes the answers that shock you make you think. Some people do it on purpose to wake you up.

Good on you for trying therapy and recognizing your weaknesses. It'll only get better now. You'll find someone great who'll respect you in no time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> Why not? Treat her like what she is! A *****!


Why are you calling her a *****? She has not done anything to you. She has not done anything to the OP really. She has a different value system in that she believes it's ok to have a close relationship with her ex and his wife.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Why are you calling her a *****? She has not done anything to you. She has not done anything to the OP really. She has a different value system in that she believes it's ok to have a close relationship with her ex and his wife.


Okay. I understand the different value system if in fact she forgives her ex for his infidelities during their marriage. however, for her to be nice to his current wife while they do things together and then comes home and laughs with her kids making fun of the current wife, well, that seems a little two faced to me. That is the part that really makes me uncomfortable.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

goldstandard said:


> Okay. I understand the different value system if in fact she forgives her ex for his infidelities during their marriage. however, for her to be nice to his current wife while they do things together and then comes home and laughs with her kids making fun of the current wife, well, that seems a little two faced to me. That is the part that really makes me uncomfortable.


Just curious- was the current wife the affair partner?

In any case, it might not be the most honorable behavior....but I think it's pretty human. The kids don't like the new wife, she probably doesn't like the new wife that must either, they are all probably just going along with it. It sounds like a horribly uncomfortable situation but it's their choice. Making fun is probably a stress relief for her and her kids. 

Whether your ex-GF was a b!tch to her ex's new wife or not, it doesn't really matter. IMO it wouldn't give anyone a green light to just pump and dump her, which was the message I was getting from the previous posters.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

The new wife is not the affair girl. Nevertheless, if it makes her look good to be the third wheel, then so be it. How admirable to make sacrifices for your "20 something your old kids" by forgiving their father for breaking up their family unit. What he did to break up the marriage was bad enough that the marriage did not survive. Giving him 3 wonderful children during the marriage was not going to prevent him from cheating on her. Now that they are no longer married, she wants to do things with him. I can't wrap my head around this which is why I had to get out. The new wife has health problems and he may cheat on her some day WITH HIS EX WIFE.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> he new wife has health problems and he may cheat on her some day WITH HIS EX WIFE.


He most likely already has.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> Okay. I understand the different value system if in fact she forgives her ex for his infidelities during their marriage. however, for her to be nice to his current wife while they do things together and then comes home and laughs with her kids making fun of the current wife, well, that seems a little two faced to me. That is the part that really makes me uncomfortable.


That still does not make her what chillymorn calls her. He was out of line, name calling is not allowed on TAM.

Sure it's two faced of her. She AND her children are hurt. She might have forgiven in some ways but she is apparently still struggling with all that went on. It is not easy for a person (man or woman) to watch another person step parent their children. It's especially not easy when there was an affair involved. Hopefully she will get beyond this.

If she were my friend I would talk to her about this, with some compassion, but remind her that by doing this she is teaching her children some very bad things.

And again, even though she does this, it does not make her what she was called. I'm rather surprised that a man called her that name on here and just let it go. I suppose you are not perfect either? None of us are.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> The new wife is not the affair girl. Nevertheless, if it makes her look good to be the third wheel, then so be it. How admirable to make sacrifices for your "20 something your old kids" by forgiving their father for breaking up their family unit. What he did to break up the marriage was bad enough that the marriage did not survive. Giving him 3 wonderful children during the marriage was not going to prevent him from cheating on her. Now that they are no longer married, she wants to do things with him. I can't wrap my head around this which is why I had to get out. The new wife has health problems and he may cheat on her some day WITH HIS EX WIFE.


Well yes some day he and his ex might have an affair. Some day the earth might blow up too.

You are obviously very angry at her. This is a good reason to not have any kind of relationship with her. Just leave it be. She's out of your life.

One of my brothers and his wife are both in their second marriage. So they both have ex's. The ex's are very often around. The ex's would stay at their house when they traveled to visit the children. During these visits they all do things like go to Disney world tighter. On holidays the ex's and all their other children from their new marriages are all over at my bother's house. 

While it's not perfect, I have to admire the bunch of them for being able to be civil and do things for the sake of the children. 

She has a different value system than yours. That's it.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

goldstandard said:


> The new wife is not the affair girl. Nevertheless, if it makes her look good to be the third wheel, then so be it. How admirable to make sacrifices for your "20 something your old kids" by forgiving their father for breaking up their family unit. What he did to break up the marriage was bad enough that the marriage did not survive. Giving him 3 wonderful children during the marriage was not going to prevent him from cheating on her. Now that they are no longer married, she wants to do things with him. I can't wrap my head around this which is why I had to get out. The new wife has health problems and he may cheat on her some day WITH HIS EX WIFE.


Oh, I agree with you. The situation is messed up and I wouldn't want any part of it, either. I think you did the right thing by getting out and it sounds like you were admirable about it, as well. It sounds like you communicated clearly with her.

My point of argument is with the posters who think that just because she isn't acting in a way that you approve of, she is an appropriate target for you to just bang her and get what you want sexually out of her, then dump her.

You didn't do that, I don't think most guys with any sense of right and wrong would do it- but there are still some TAMmers who believe it. I am just challenging that belief.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

RoseAglow said:


> Oh, I agree with you. The situation is messed up and I wouldn't want any part of it, either. I think you did the right thing by getting out and it sounds like you were admirable about it, as well. It sounds like you communicated clearly with her.
> 
> My point of argument is with the posters who think that just because she isn't acting in a way that you approve of, she is an appropriate target for you to just bang her and get what you want sexually out of her, then dump her.
> 
> You didn't do that, I don't think most guys with any sense of right and wrong would do it- but there are still some TAMmers who believe it. I am just challenging that belief.


As I guy, I can tell you I totally agree with you. Life so much easier when things are clean and straightforward.

But perhaps some of this perspective comes with age as well...


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> That still does not make her what chillymorn calls her. He was out of line, name calling is not allowed on TAM.
> 
> Sure it's two faced of her. She AND her children are hurt. She might have forgiven in some ways but she is apparently still struggling with all that went on. It is not easy for a person (man or woman) to watch another person step parent their children. It's especially not easy when there was an affair involved. Hopefully she will get beyond this.
> 
> ...


Hi Elegirl. You have a lot of experience on this site and appear to be highly respected here. If you don't mind, please explain to me this different value system. I am not arguing wit you, I just want to understand so I can try to see things from their perspective. I see where your brother has that same value system. I understand that there has to be a reasonable amount of communication because of the kids, well in this case, they are not kids any longer. It seems to go deeper in my case beyond having to do with the kids. She would have liked for us to double date with her ex. She wanted me to go to his house with her for adult parties that don't involve the kids. She goes on long trips with them. I'm not trying to say that she should hate him or have absolutely no contact with him. But, come on. The guy was and probably still is a cheater. He broke up their marriage because of infidelities. I don't think your brother is doing this on a regular basis is he? Maybe I'm wrong. I have no children with my ex but I have no desire to want to spend time with her and it is not because I hate her. I hope she finds happiness and has a great future. 

Should her value system be admired? I would have no problem with her being nice to him when they interact over the kids but why be more involved than that when the kids are not involved. I wouldn't expect to be treated with much dignity by my ex if I cheated on her during our marriage especially if we had children together.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

gold, she dumped you once for him, right? IMO, she was 'the one who got away' for you and once you started dating her, your subconscious was salivating at the chance to get her back. To soothe your ego. But when her ex started staying in the picture, it was too much to handle. You wanted a clean win, you know? So it would never have worked as is. Maybe with a different ex-husband, but not him.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Our expectations sometimes do not meet reality. I remembered back in the early college days when our football quarterback asked me for a date. I was so flattered and was the envy of many girls. After the first the date, I realized how shallow and boring he was. He had good looks but did not match his intelligence. I got an early lesson. I nicely declined any dates later on which many of my friends did not understand. 

Your moving on is the right thing to do. You don't want to be caught on this roller coaster ride. She is definitely hovering for her turn for her ex-husband's affections as her children are already grown up. You were flattered of the renewal of your relationship with her but came to realize that the previous scenario is played out again. You are intelligent enough to get off from her train!


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

turnera said:


> gold, she dumped you once for him, right? IMO, she was 'the one who got away' for you and once you started dating her, your subconscious was salivating at the chance to get her back. To soothe your ego. But when her ex started staying in the picture, it was too much to handle. You wanted a clean win, you know? So it would never have worked as is. Maybe with a different ex-husband, but not him.


I understand. You are right. I feel beneath him and always will. Being second choice is not a good feeling.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Roselyn said:


> Our expectations sometimes do not meet reality. I remembered back in the early college days when our football quarterback asked me for a date. I was so flattered and was the envy of many girls. After the first the date, I realized how shallow and boring he was. He had good looks but did not match his intelligence. I got an early lesson. I nicely declined any dates later on which many of my friends did not understand.
> 
> Your moving on is the right thing to do. You don't want to be caught on this roller coaster ride. She is definitely hovering for her turn for her ex-husband's affections as her children are already grown up. You were flattered of the renewal of your relationship with her but came to realize that the previous scenario is played out again. You are intelligent enough to get off from her train!


Thanks Roselyn. I appreciate your feedback. It is encouraging to come to terms that I did the right thing.
I was never looking forward to our dates together because of the uncomfortable feelings.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

In addition to the money and history with her ex hb, she's probably getting a huge ego boost out of this whole thing. She knows you want her and figures you're pining for her, and she's got her ex hb's attention (possibly more than his wife) as well. I imagine she eats it up.

You should've mentioned making plans with your last gf just to see her reaction.

I can't imagine a guy with a modicum of self respect going along with this, but if I'm wrong I'm sure the guys will let me know it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

The way you were feeling about this issue was not at all unreasonable OP. I don't know anyone that would be ok with it. I bet the new wife isn't either.

Amicable is one thing, but this is ridiculous!


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

frusdil said:


> The way you were feeling about this issue was not at all unreasonable OP. I don't know anyone that would be ok with it. I bet the new wife isn't either.
> 
> Amicable is one thing, but this is ridiculous!


Thanks. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. She gave up a great opportunity for a new relationship with me.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I realize that i do not know this woman except through your words GS, but i get the sense that she has never really let go of the ex husband, her comment to you projecting your insecurities is very damaging words, and had she been more sensitive to your plight she would have been more receptive to hearing you out...that struck in my head, i suspect that she is very calculating and devious. Your last comment brought it all together. the new wife has health issues, she knows her husband behavior, and you were once a suitor to her, so by bring you into the fold her husband might possibly be slightly jealous of you being with his ex wife. She has a one track mind to win him back, and i suspect you were a pawn. I actually seen this happen before, who i feel very sorry for is the new wife, she won't see it happening. Be glad you have moved on...you don't need that headache


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Xenote said:


> I realize that i do not know this woman except through your words GS, but i get the sense that she has never really let go of the ex husband, her comment to you projecting your insecurities is very damaging words, and had she been more sensitive to your plight she would have been more receptive to hearing you out...that struck in my head, i suspect that she is very calculating and devious. Your last comment brought it all together. the new wife has health issues, she knows her husband behavior, and you were once a suitor to her, so by bring you into the fold her husband might possibly be slightly jealous of you being with his ex wife. She has a one track mind to win him back, and i suspect you were a pawn. I actually seen this happen before, who i feel very sorry for is the new wife, she won't see it happening. Be glad you have moved on...you don't need that headache


Thanks Xenote. I know I got out before it would have been too much to handle. Neither the current wife nor the ex wife see the danger nor dysfunction that lies ahead. I suspect there are ulterior motives being played out and both women are financially motivated to stay in the game. The husband (ex) pulls the purse strings.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> Thanks Xenote. I know I got out before it would have been too much to handle. Neither the current wife nor the ex wife see the danger nor dysfunction that lies ahead. I suspect there are ulterior motives being played out and both women are financially motivated to stay in the game. The husband (ex) pulls the purse strings.


You did what is right for you.

That's what matters.


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## Rockymts (Mar 26, 2015)

he still rescues her financially?

hmm.

bashes his wife behind her back to the kids.

this woman has some real problems.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Rockymts said:


> he still rescues her financially?
> 
> hmm.
> 
> ...


The ex wife (my ex girlfriend) bashes the new wife with her kids who don't like her. But she still goes places with them and socializes with them like they are all friends. It was too much for me to handle. I had to get out. Oh, yes... he still rescues her financially.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

goldstandard said:


> The ex wife (my ex girlfriend) bashes the new wife with her kids who don't like her. But she still goes places with them and socializes with them like they are all friends. It was too much for me to handle. I had to get out. Oh, yes... he still rescues her financially.


That would be too weird for me also can't believe the current wife accepts this.:scratchhead:


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

tom67 said:


> That would be too weird for me also can't believe the current wife accepts this.:scratchhead:


The husband has lots of $$$ so she overlooks it. The current wife also has health issues so her self esteem has gone south. The ex wife is in total denial that she is waiting in the wings for that marriage to collapse so she can move back in. She sugarcoats her interest in her ex by stating that she has merely "forgiven" him for the infidelities that destroyed the marriage and it is the Christian thing to do. Ya, right! I feel sorry for the current wife.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Just me, but I don't understand a lot of contact between x's. My x wife and I had a civil divorce, and practically no drama since, but we have very little contact. We aren't together with our kids for parties, trips, or whatever, and our kids don't expect it. She thought little enough of me that she wanted to divorce me, so why act like we're buddy buddy, but that's just me.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Has she called you since the breakup? Tried to hoover you back in?


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

southbound said:


> Just me, but I don't understand a lot of contact between x's. My x wife and I had a civil divorce, and practically no drama since, but we have very little contact. We aren't together with our kids for parties, trips, or whatever, and our kids don't expect it. She thought little enough of me that she wanted to divorce me, so why act like we're buddy buddy, but that's just me.


It's not just you, it's me too and a few others here as well. If she would have forgiven him while married, maybe they will still be together. Why wait until you are finally divorced to forgive and think he is great. He broke up their family for gosh sake!


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Has she called you since the breakup? Tried to hoover you back in?


No. She probably thinks I am unreasonable and imagining things and that she is better off without me because I would get upset over her CIVIL relationship with her ex. She sees nothing wrong with behavior so I guess I am the one with the problem.


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## Rockymts (Mar 26, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Why are you calling her a *****? She has not done anything to you. She has not done anything to the OP really. She has a different value system in that she believes it's ok to have a close relationship with her ex and his wife.


I think I agree more with chilly than you after reading how she is.

she's degrading her self for financial gain. acts one way when shes with her x and then bashes her x's wife in front of her kids when he not around and then they all laugh about it as she lets him rescue her financially. 

nice way to raise your kids 

Glad to see the OP was smart enough to see the real woman and her poor moral compass.


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