# She came back!!!! Well, sort of.



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Not going to detail all of it b/c there is no need. Here is the short version. This doesn't go in the Reconciliation section, here is why.

Bottom line is that hours before we were supposed to sign she came back. Said she ended it with the OM. Loves me, is in love with me. Wants our family back. No begging or anything like that. Didn't say anything like "I'll do whatever it takes." She just said she doesn't want a divorce and doesn't want this. Said she wants to go to counseling but she can't guarantee me she won't have the feelings again that made her leave. 
We cancelled the signing appointment.

Well, on one hand it is a dream come true. My beautiful soul mate finally came back. Yea well, not exactly how I had pictured it. Feeling alot like a backup plan right now. Since she "came back" nothing has really changed. She has been hot at times and cold at times. Says she is very confused right now. 

Right now I'm just respecting her space and giving her time to figure out what the heck is going on in her head. I love her. I want our family more than life itself. BUT, I was right on the edge of moving on and accepting the D. Queue anxiety all over again.

My God, what do I do?


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Are you kidding????

After what she told you, that she doesn't promise not to leave again with those same feelings??? She needed to do some begging or whatever, you made it too easy for her.

I know everyone likes to have an intact family, but, you can't be a door mat either. I think you should have said "can we think about it, and just date for a bit to see if it's really going to work". Make her work for it..ya know?

Just my 2 cents


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

sd212 said:


> Said she wants to go to counseling but she can't guarantee me she won't have the feelings again that made her leave.
> My God, what do I do?


MY GOD, YOU SHOULD HAVE SINGED THE PAPERS. She didn't ditch him, he ditched her and she has no other place to go. He didn't want to support her, take care of her and pay her bills!!!

She even said she can't guarantee that she won't cheat again, WTF!!!

SIGN, SIGN, SIGN, SIGN, the papers!

Well, looks like she won and you lost big time right now. GL with giving her space. BTW once she's back with you, the OM will probably be back in the picture now since he won't have to shell out cash for her. You just handed your cajones back to her again


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

He can make alpha statements next time he talks to her. It sounds like she took him by surprise and he probably wasn't ready for this. See what happens SD and for your own protections keep your guard up, she does sound like she may have the door open a little so she doesn't feel 100% committedd.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

working_together said:


> Are you kidding????
> 
> After what she told you, that she doesn't promise not to leave again with those same feelings??? She needed to do some begging or whatever, you made it too easy for her.
> 
> ...


In my effort to keep it short and sweet I didn't explain well how I handled it. I did in fact tell her that she wasn't making much of a case for herself. She just sobbed and said she knew and that she didn't deserve to even be in my presence.
I did tell her that what she was saying wasn't good enough. I walked away from the conversation and told her that she needs to figure herself out before we can even discuss it. 

She said she does need time to figure it out b/c she is lost and confused. The last words she said to me were "thank you for listening, I'm so sorry, I just need time to figure this out."

I'm basically deciding how much time I want to give her. My tolerance is limited so I don't know where to go from here.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sign the papers and tell her she can date you later if you feel like it.

I know you're in this fog...but seriously, man....wake up.

She can't promise she won't have those feelings again?? LOL What a hack.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, with OMs, the closer divorce comes, the more they want to ditch the wife. They don't want that responsibility and it's not longer "thrilling" to bang someone's exwife.

Should have just said, 'Sorry you feel that way. I'm still signing. Sucks to be you."


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yea, with OMs, the closer divorce comes, the more they want to ditch the wife. They don't want that responsibility and it's not longer "thrilling" to bang someone's exwife.
> 
> Should have just said, 'Sorry you feel that way. I'm still signing. Sucks to be you."


I really don't think it was the "him kicking her to the curb" sorta scenario some of you think. She genuinely was feeling devastation for the lives she has ruined, I know that much for sure. If she goes back to him or whatever, that is something different. But, she came to me based on her feelings, not his. That I am sure of.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, I hope she has a change of heart. You put a lot of trust in someone who lied to you.

talk about waiting to the last minute to wake up.

I hope it's the real thing.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Wow, what a dream come true that so many of us wish would happen. I have to agree with the majority here that she really needs to give you more than an "I can't guarantee" or "I'm really confused". She's playing with your heart and emotions and I'm sorry, but no one has the right to eff around with our lives like that.

You have to make your own decision, but I'd make her work like a dog for you. You don't have to sign away right now, but take it slow and play harder than hard to get. Good luck.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Mine just did the same thing. It is not enough. You have no leg to stand on. You know in your heart what it will take. 

"She doesn't know if it will work"

Do not let what feels right in the now, dictate the correct decision.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

sd212 said:


> She said she does need time to figure it out b/c she is lost and confused. The last words she said to me were "thank you for listening, I'm so sorry, I just need time to figure this out."


So she is saying she needs to find another man before she leaves you. Kind of like those tree monkey's where they don't let go of one branch until they get a hold of the other....:sleeping:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, had she not thrown that little gem in about not being able to promise she won't leave again , I would have been very happy for you.

but as it is, I worry you're being used and set up for another fall.

just don't want to see you blasted again when she does it again.

And hasn't she had time? 

Oh geez...she's good.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Sign the papers and tell her she can date you later if you feel like it.
> 
> I know you're in this fog...but seriously, man....wake up.
> 
> She can't promise she won't have those feelings again?? LOL What a hack.


Exactly. Let the divorce go on. This will be the litmus test of all litmus tests. If she really wants to get back together with you she will, and maybe, after a few years when she grows up, you may consider remarrying her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sd212 said:


> I really don't think it was the "him kicking her to the curb" sorta scenario some of you think. She genuinely was feeling devastation for the lives she has ruined, I know that much for sure. If she goes back to him or whatever, that is something different. But, she came to me based on her feelings, not his. That I am sure of.


Uh huh....

Yeah, as if you have been right about everything else. Please...

Quit being c0cky. You have no real clue why she decided to come back, so quit acting like you do. Do the 180, and don't give her any emotional feedback until you are sure she is truly remorseful.

I think she's just biding time waiting for the OM to take her back, hence her so called "confusion". If she were truly contrite, she would be 100% focused on you, her husband. That's just my worthless opinion.

Don't trust her. :nono:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yea, had she not thrown that little gem in about not being able to promise she won't leave again , I would have been very happy for you.
> 
> but as it is, I worry you're being used and set up for another fall.
> 
> ...


Perfect....

ThatGirl,

If you ever get divorced and are looking for a man, I'll marry you!


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I agree with Bandit here.

It is not remorse. If you did what your spouse did what would you do to get her back if you wanted the relationship to heal and work?

Would you go back and cry, but say you don't know if the feelings you have can ever return? 

You are now going to be the one to prove and earn her love back when she had the affair because she has doubt? 

How in the hell are you going to do that? She has to do all of the leg work here before you can even begin and she is NOT coming back with 100% commitment, she just wants to try. 

To be blunt, she is afraid of the divorce and what her life is going to be after it. She is afraid of losing her security that she gets from her family. She is NOT afraid of losing you. Please read what remorse is, she is not showing it.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

sd212 said:


> I really don't think it was the "him kicking her to the curb" sorta scenario some of you think. She genuinely was feeling devastation for the lives she has ruined, I know that much for sure. If she goes back to him or whatever, that is something different. But, she came to me based on her feelings, not his. That I am sure of.


Please remember that some people came here w/o wanting to save their marriage, that wasn't you. Read all replies, take them in, and decide what's right for you.

She may be scared and coming back because of the signing or she may have finally had a switch turned on if she was like a MLCr. 

Not being 100% committed is my major problem w/ what she said (as I am sure it was yours) but at least she was honest and said she couldn't tell you for sure it wouldn't return. What this means to me is that she is scared and not sure why she felt the way she did. Maybe what you should have her find out is why she felt that way and maybe with MC it will come out but she may need a pro-marriage IC too so she can figure out what happened to her inside. Definitely come up with your OWN requirements for R and see how much she is willing to meet your needs.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

You were all right. She informed me this morning that what she felt was emotional and what she misses is our friendship. All the pain is back and I was so close.

This is awful. I am so angry and hurt.

This won't happen again. I can't take it anymore. Should have signed that day. What the hell is wrong with people?


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

working_together said:


> Are you kidding????
> 
> After what she told you, that she doesn't promise not to leave again with those same feelings??? She needed to do some begging or whatever, you made it too easy for her.
> 
> ...


i am totally with this!!
sorta like how i feel about h now casually asking if we have hope...um after all he's said and done, how about working for it a little (meaning a lot)??


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

UGH! So sorry, man.

Make another signing day and go in with armor on. If she tries to talk to you, shut her down.

Never again. Seriously. She is truly evil and selfish. It's all about her and how SHE feels.

Good riddance.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

omg i'm so sorry sd 
it's so unfair and cruel
some people don't know when to stfu and sit with their emotions.
(((((sd)))))))))


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Like me, we have to remember this the next time they pull a stunt like this.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Don't be fooled again.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

And explain to her, that yes after the divorce we won't be hanging out a friends. That is a consequence of your choices.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I'm with others here. Go through with the divorce. Ugh. So painful. I feel for you.

But, at least you have clarity and this "phase" didn't last long.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

sd212 said:


> In my effort to keep it short and sweet I didn't explain well how I handled it. I did in fact tell her that she wasn't making much of a case for herself. She just sobbed and said she knew and that she didn't deserve to even be in my presence.
> I did tell her that what she was saying wasn't good enough. I walked away from the conversation and told her that she needs to figure herself out before we can even discuss it.
> 
> She said she does need time to figure it out b/c she is lost and confused. The last words she said to me were "thank you for listening, I'm so sorry, I just need time to figure this out."
> ...



The whole line about not deserving you etc. it's blah blah blah, it's all about her, and her self pitty, her guilt over what she did, so you'll feel bad, take her back, only to get crapped on again.

But, I do feel for you, and yes, you did handle it ok, she really needs to get help before you can R, otherwise you're setting yourself up for false R....been there done that, it's no fun.

take care.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sorry this happened to you SD212. 

At least now you know will not make the same mistake again. You need to ask her to leave today, and never come back. 

If she wants to be friends, she'll have to earn that title.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I feel for you man. I know how hard it is to be separated. I think you should divorce. She has to know there are consequences to her actions in order for her to learn and not repeat the same mistakes. Don't be weak. If you love her and she loves you you guys will find a way to be together but you don't want to go through the same stuff again, do you? The only way for you to know if she really wants to work things out is to let her do the work to get you back. If you accept this, she will think she are soft and she got away with what she did with not much consequences. Take your time. Don't make any quick decisions. Good luck.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Sorry. Just read your post now that she changed her mind. Sorry this happened bro. You seem like a nice guy. Focus on yourself. I don't know why people play this game. Men also have feelings. She knows you love her and it's a weapon she has against you. Do yourself a favor bro -- liberate yourself from her.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Call me cynical but I suspect that she may have found that the OM may have been cheating on her. If that is the case then it would explain why she came back.

But be that as it may, why would any husband choose to be his cheating wife's fall back guy is simply beyond me.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

What an awful day. I had to leave work b/c I was so completely consumed by all of this. She has sent me a couple text messages about mundane things but I have not responded. 

I cannot believe this is happening, again. For the first time since the day she left I am not being a doormat today so I guess maybe it is good this happened. I can honestly say that i made it to the finish line having never given her anything but love and respect. She can't say the same. I hope this haunts her.


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

sd212 said:


> You were all right. She informed me this morning that what she felt was emotional and what she misses is our friendship. All the pain is back and I was so close.
> 
> This is awful. I am so angry and hurt.
> 
> This won't happen again. I can't take it anymore. Should have signed that day. What the hell is wrong with people?


I am so sorry you had to go through this. Shame on her for toying with your feelings like that. Be gentle with yourself...you wanting to believe in her and what she was saying is understandable. I think we'd all have a hard time not grabbing on to it should our spouses do the same. But she's proven she only cares about her needs and wants...don't let her have an opportunity to take you backwards again. Time to move on for your own self. Hugs


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sd212 said:


> What an awful day. I had to leave work b/c I was so completely consumed by all of this. She has sent me a couple text messages about mundane things but I have not responded.
> 
> I cannot believe this is happening, again. For the first time since the day she left I am not being a doormat today so I guess maybe it is good this happened. I can honestly say that i made it to the finish line having never given her anything but love and respect. She can't say the same. I hope this haunts her.


Time to do a *hard *180 friend. Send her one last text saying "From now on we only talk through our lawyers. Do not contact me again except to make arrangements for the kids." 

Then go completely and utterly dark on her. No calls, no texts no emails from you except for visitation arrangements. You need to run to the safety zone friend, and stay there... away from the toxic, f*cked up world she has created for herself.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I am so pissed for you.

How dare she pull that on you?

Time to finish this and clear your conscience. You have displayed nothing but respect for her.

Stay strong. Focus on you. You will get through this!


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

You folks are so f*cking great. 

She has made me feel like there is something wrong with me. She is the one who is messed up. She is delusional and completely out of touch with reality. I hope she doesn't transfer her problems to our children.

Bandit, I'm the closest I've ever been to being able to do exactly what you say. I'm going to think about everything but she has already texted wanting me to come over Friday and Sunday. Un freaking believable. I've never felt what I'm feeling now and that is complete and utter disgust for her. I wish she would just go away.

Jayb, I know you know how I feel and I really appreciate the kinds words.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sd212 said:


> You folks are so f*cking great.
> 
> She has made me feel like there is something wrong with me. She is the one who is messed up. She is delusional and completely out of touch with reality. I hope she doesn't transfer her problems to our children.
> 
> ...


Call ACME and have the locks changed. Text her back "NO".


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She has some nerve.

If she was one of my friends, I'd kick her ass.

I think you need a hot pizza and a cold beer. If you were a woman, I'd say a hot bath...even though my husband is the bubblebath lover in this house LOL!

You're a good man. Don't let her make you double guess yourself. DO NOT fall into her web or her conniving requests.

She wants you to come over?! LOL I say you should call some buddies and make plans for BOTH DAYS. Screw her and her psychotic tendencies.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

that_girl said:


> ...even though my husband is the bubblebath lover in this house LOL!


:rofl:

You just SOOOO burned Hubs! LOL! No bootknocking for you tonight!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> You just SOOOO burned Hubs! LOL! No bootknocking for you tonight!


Oh you laugh! but I often join him and it is fun  There's always bootknockin' in this house.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

that_girl said:


> She has some nerve.
> 
> If she was one of my friends, I'd kick her ass.
> 
> ...


I was going to offer to kick butt too!

LOL I want the cold brew(and make it a dark one) while I soak in a hot bath, thank you. It's been so long since I have soaked in my bath. 

Text her back and say "Hell NO" then go dark for a while.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

sd212 said:


> You folks are so f*cking great.
> 
> She has made me feel like there is something wrong with me. She is the one who is messed up. She is delusional and completely out of touch with reality. I hope she doesn't transfer her problems to our children.
> 
> ...


SD212, I don't mean to hurt your already damaged feelings, but you are one fellow in desperate need of a clue. Let me explain a few things re your post I quote above.

1) There IS something badly wrong with you. You have a weak and underdeveloped ego, and it causes you to do things like give your wife opportunity after opportunity to harm you.

2) Yes. Your wife is messed up. You were within hours of signing divorce papers and being rid of her, and after a few tears and no meaningful gestures on her part, you are once again in a world of misery. Your wife is not the only one messed up here.

3) One of you is definitely delusional. One of you keeps getting what she wants, whether it is freedom, friendship, or just sick satisfaction that she totally controls her husband. The other partner (the delusional one) agrees to set aside his boundaries and plans only hours from signing because "it'll be different this time."

If this were happening to your best friend, or some guy you barely know, or an anonymous poster on a website, you would be able to tell them exactly what they need to do.

The only person you are helping by not-doing-anything is the person who is abusing you.

The only person who can make the abuse stop is YOU.

Having anonymous people on the internet tell you that your wife is horrible for screwing you over repeatedly is not going to make you feel better in any meaningful, lasting way.

Do the things that need to be done. Do the things that will let you look at yourself in the mirror again. Stop talking to this person who causes you harm, and sever your ties with her as much as humanly possible.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Well said NLY.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

NotLikeYou said:


> SD212, I don't mean to hurt your already damaged feelings, but you are one fellow in desperate need of a clue. Let me explain a few things re your post I quote above.
> 
> 1) There IS something badly wrong with you. You have a weak and underdeveloped ego, and it causes you to do things like give your wife opportunity after opportunity to harm you.
> 
> ...


This is tough love, but it is true. Being someone who can closely relate, I suppose it's better that he recognized this sooner than later. I probably would have gone full-on back. Which shows extreme weakness, naivete, or immaturity on my part. It's almost like being addicted to drugs. on-off the wagon. 

There's just so much to think about and if my wife ever speaks of any type of R, I'll be sure to run it by all of you here first before jumping in.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

SD, if the issue of being friends comes up at all in your discussions, you should tell her that you can't be friends with her because none of your friends would ever do to you what she has. That's not a friend!


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Jayb said:


> This is tough love, but it is true. Being someone who can closely relate, I suppose it's better that he recognized this sooner than later. I probably would have gone full-on back. Which shows extreme weakness, naivete, or immaturity on my part. It's almost like being addicted to drugs. on-off the wagon.
> 
> There's just so much to think about and if my wife ever speaks of any type of R, I'll be sure to run it by all of you here first before jumping in.


Well, er...... 

To me, tough love would be saying something along the lines of "SD212, you ignorant ****.... You're being a butthead, stop doing that NOW!"

(Which I have been guilty of doing in the past, to other hapless posters)

My intent was to point out to SD212 that his focus is on his wife, what she says, and what she is inflicting on him.

He states at length and in detail how she is mean, messed up, crazy, and so on. And she probably is.

But as long as he is paying attention to her, her wants, and what she is doing, he is ignoring himself, other than to feel pain because she is not doing the things HE wants her to do.

That's his choice, of course. But it is important to point out that he has other choices.

He can choose to continue to place her feelings and well being above his own, while enduring her abusive unfaithful behavior.

He can choose to end his marriage, and establish boundaries for his relationships going forward like "no, if you're with me, you can't have sex with other men."



Quite a few people post on TAM about their problems, but they are not necessarily looking for the quickest path to resolution. They might want outside opinions, or just some anonymous sympathy. Sometimes, they really DO want the best path out of their situation, but they just can't determine that path because they are caught up in the turmoil of the problem.

SD212 strikes me as the latter- he hates the situation he's in and wants it to go away, he just can't quite believe that his wife really doesn't love him and have his best interests in her heart.

He's going to figure that out one way or another, because that is the truth. It's just a matter of how much hell he is willing to suffer to gain that wisdom.

All we can do is sympathize, and try to give him our best opinions and advice along the way. It's his life- he has to be the one to do the things that matter.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

For anyone still following this saga. I did what I believe is the right thing, told her I wanted to sign as soon as possible, scheduled the appt., did not go over to her place as planned. 
Felt very good about all of it for a bit but it took me 2 hours to work up the courage to "cancel" on our plans. I was with friends last night and am sure that I did the right thing.

Don't feel so great this morning. Very lonely and wanting to see my kids. This is not what my heart wants to do but I know I must in order to survive. Thankfully I have plans for tonight with friends but it all just leaves me so empty compared to my wife. I miss her and crave her so badly but there is nothing I can do but hard 180 and move on. Zero motivation for winning her back, it is only for me now. 

NotLikeYou, you're right about me btw. Your posts are hard to read but are spot on. 

My wife coming back (even if it was only for a day) was an eye opening experience for me and has given me the strength to do what I have to do. It is all so horrible but it is all so real.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Argh. SD, believe it or not, I'm trying to leave the emotions out of things, mainly because you're already torn up emotionally.

I've been telling you what you CAN do, so let me try to give you a boost by explaining WHY you can make it through this situation.

Life has handed you a terrible ordeal that you have to pass through. You can delay it (you have already done that) but it has to be dealt with sooner or later. It is going to change you completely, in some ways for the better, and in some ways for the worse.

But the good news (and it really is good news) is that you are going to make it through this thing.


You don't have to be a dominant man, with a superior intellect, to recognize that your situation is damaging to you and that you need to change it.

You just have to be an average guy, who has average self confidence, including the knowledge that you're going to muddle through life mostly okay.

You don't have to be the champion who never loses. You just have to know when to cut your losses and move on.

You don't have to spend your life in misery, pining after a lost love. You just have to think well enough of yourself to require that a decent woman be loyal to you and not be real mean during the day-to-day stuff.

You don't have to have the rest of your life planned out in minute detail. You just have to know that tomorrow is going to come, and you're going to be okay on your own merits. You have to be "comfortable in your own skin."


The fact that you can even type up coherent posts about what is going on proves that you have what it takes to make it through. 

You're already starting the process of filling up your life by doing things with your friends (true friends are worth their weight in gold).

The only thing you're guilty of is loving someone too much. On the scale of faults and mistakes, that isn't anywhere near the worst failing.

YOU can hold your head high when this is over. It may sound trite, but you're going to emerge from this with your dignity completely intact. Your wife will bear the burden of her mistakes for the rest of her life.

But its not about her any more.

The important people here are you, and your children. Be the best man you can be, for yourself and for them (and for your friends). Do that, and everything else will sort itself out.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sd212 said:


> Don't feel so great this morning. Very lonely and wanting to see my kids. This is not what my heart wants to do but I know I must in order to survive. Thankfully I have plans for tonight with friends but it all just leaves me so empty compared to my wife. I miss her and crave her so badly but there is nothing I can do but hard 180 and move on. Zero motivation for winning her back, it is only for me now.


SD, if I may, one piece of advise I would also like to give you is to check on getting some counseling for codependency. From what I have read, I think you may have a problem with this. You are way to reliant on your wife to validate who you are. You are not self-validating, and until you learn to do that you will only seek out another person to be codependent on. It will be a vicious cycle in your life unless you learn to break it.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> SD, if I may, one piece of advise I would also like to give you is to check on getting some counseling for codependency. From what I have read, I think you may have a problem with this. You are way to reliant on your wife to validate who you are. You are not self-validating, and until you learn to do that you will only seek out another person to be codependent on. It will be a vicious cycle in your life unless you learn to break it.


Bandit - Oh, absolutely. No question. I have been in IC since she left but changed to a new therapist recently b/c my old one wasn't a good fit. As for codependency, it is pretty easy to see and I'm well aware of it now. In fact, it is probably the main reason she left me. I am very aware of this problem. 

NotLikeyou - thanks again for the words of wisdom. You are incredibly well spoken and keen to the reality of the situation. I'll be reading your words frequently and that is really something for a "random" person on a forum. I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you posted.

On a side note, she called wanting to go to lunch and I said no thanks. I just got back from taking a run and I'm feeling better.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Bandit has pointed out and you also recognize 
what is perhaps the biggest problem here (co-
dependency). That right there is huge. You are
ahead of the game. Many don't even know what
the problem is. 

NLY has given you some great advice and words
of support. I moved out and Im not ok. Some
friends want to take me out to a bar/club but
really don't feel like it today, maybe later. I think
we are in similar situation missing the kid (s)
although you have gone through for longer.

When all is said and done you will be proud of
yourself. You will come out a survivor, not a
victim. Good luck SD.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Lifescript: Who would want my opinion but I would encourage to go out with those friends who want to take you out. If not for the times with my friends I would be wallowing in sadness. It was a hard step for me to go out with them at first but now I really look forward to it each and every time. Tonight, for example, I'll be hanging out with a couple of new people that I don't normally hang out with and that feels great. I would never have done something like that before and it feels really good when you take the step.

I absolutely do intend to be a survivor and I will be. I would not expect to be anything other than sad in this situation but I can tell you that before she came back I was starting to get better. When she did, it set me back and made me realize I wasn't as good as I thought. Lesson learned for sure. I can't look back anymore and getting out there with friends is a really good way to look forward.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

SD212: I'm thinking about it but really don't feel like it. It would be good since I'd be hanging out with some old friends. We'll see what happens. Your opinion is truly appreciated. Don't doubt it.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> SD212: I'm thinking about it but really don't feel like it. It would be good since I'd be hanging out with some old friends. We'll see what happens. Your opinion is truly appreciated. Don't doubt it.


Come hang out with me anytime! :smthumbup:


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Ok. Maybe one day after all this is over we make a huge TAM bash in a specific location w/ bandit, shaggy, conrad, mamatomany, that_girl and everybody else. 

One of my best friends called me and kind of convinced me to go out. He said he'll kill me if I don't go. He's kind of crazy so now I'm scared. LOL.


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