# He thinks it's better to leave then see me hurting



## Getting ready to move on (Feb 18, 2013)

My husband of 25 yrs cheated on me. His past came back to haunt him when he started a new job. The OW understood his issues and comforted him and that's how it started. He says it's over with her. He's pretty screwed up now and doesn't have a clue what to do. He won't say he still wants us until he's 100% sure. He says he loves me more than anything but is not in love with me. He thinks he should leave so he doesn't keep hurting me. He thinks it's better to just let go than cause more pain and see it daily. I don't want to call it quits. I want to work on us. I think we can be better than ever. I can't put anymore into him and us when I don't feel like I will get what I need in the end. 

Help. Should I keep trying? I feel like I'm going to have a nervous break down.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ask him how he thinks his cowardice is supposed to help you?


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## Getting ready to move on (Feb 18, 2013)

I told him I can't take being hurt anymore. It's been 8 mons and I'm exhausted. I need to know with certainty if he's in or out.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You may want to work on your marriage but he doesn't want to right now. And you can't control what he does or doesn't do.

So let him work on himself and you work on yourself.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Getting ready to move on said:


> _*He says he loves me more than anything but is not in love with me*_.


That's guy secret code talk for _"I don't love you but don't want to be responsible for you leaving, so please leave on my terms"_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

He's such a coward, if he is being honest. And I don't believe what he says. He lied to you before, how do you know he's not now. If the A is still going on, then he's a double coward (and liar). My STBXH left after 27 years of marriage. He is not the man I married.


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

It does come across as some kind of cop out!

Call his bluff, pack his bag and send him on his way...when he's back with his pathetic tail between his legs maybe it's time to talk.

Look up the song below

The Beautiful South-A Little Time - YouTube

Good Luck


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## percy (Apr 26, 2013)

LanieB said:


> My opinion is that if he isn't 100% committed to your marriage, you should MAKE him leave. I know this isn't what you want right now, but it MIGHT wake him up and make him think about what he really wants.


I agree with this. It is your decision whether you can live with the betrayal not his. If he isn't prepared to start working on putting things right between you no amount of work on your part will change his mind.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I think he wants to continue to dip his pin in new ink but keep the other bottle in reserve. Ideally, you will keep dangling on the line until he tires of her and will need a warm place to come back to. I've said it to guys before so I'll say it to you. Right now he has two stooges he's playing. Cancel his ticket with one of them.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Getting ready to move on said:


> He says it's over with her.


Are you sure about it? Can you confirm own your own?
Becasue if he's cake eating nad stringing you along then there's no doubt you should file like yesterday.

As a matter of fact I'd file anyway. Eight months in this limbo is too much for me.. but that's me. I woulnd't put my life in pause for him after what he did to you. So my advice is hard 180, dark on him, put the D ball rolling and - as a matter of fact - move on: a real new life without the drop weight.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I agree that the probable reason that he can't decide is that the A is still on.. No matter, though. He's not a good husband to you. You deserve so much better after 25 years, don't you? We know you do. You must know that you do. Act on it. Set yourself free to have a life where people respect and love you. Don't be anyone's doormat. Value yourself.


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