# Addict husband in crisis while pregnant



## TiX (10 mo ago)

My husband and I are splitting after 6 years, and I am 7 months pregnant with our first and only child. His addiction, which includes a mix of alcohol and sex addiction, has been on and off throughout our relationship, although my own denial meant it took a long time before realizing he was an addict. Recently, my pregnancy threw him into a crisis where he was binge drinking almost daily, talking to sex workers online, going to strip clubs, trying to find hookers, and performing sex acts with strippers, also without protection leaving me and baby susceptible to STIs. I finally put my foot down and kicked him out of the house after months of escalation. I decided my baby deserves better than this, I do too. 

It has only been a couple months now but it appears from afar that he is trying to recover, although I know the path to recovery is long and very difficult. I have tried letting him in a little at a time, not to reconcile, but so that he can be in baby's life. I wanted to feel comfortable enough for him to attend the birth, but I don't. I am having a home birth and my midwife also, while leaving the decision up to me, feels it could negatively impact my labor if he does attend, and is supportive of me decided that I may or may not want him there. 

At this time, I feel it would be better for me if he was not there - emotionally, physically, etc. But I feel this immense amount of guilt about denying him seeing the birth of his first child. I know I did not make the decision, utimately his actions are what are causing me to feel this way, but I can't shake this guilt about not wanting him there. I should also say, he is being supportive of whatever I want, and says he knows it will take time for me to trust him to be in my and baby's life. I am not keeping him from baby when baby gets here, although I do think we will just have to have boundaries around visitation, etc. But I am torn about the labor. 

Anyone go through something similar and have anything helpful to share? <3


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

You're completely correct that you are not the one keeping him away. He is. You are protecting yourself and your child. You feel guilty because he's made you feel that way, you're not "guilty" of anything. You will be going through enough, you don't need someone there during labor making everything about him.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TiX said:


> My husband and I are splitting after 6 years, and I am 7 months pregnant with our first and only child. His addiction, which includes a mix of alcohol and sex addiction, has been on and off throughout our relationship, although my own denial meant it took a long time before realizing he was an addict. Recently, my pregnancy threw him into a crisis where he was binge drinking almost daily, talking to sex workers online, going to strip clubs, trying to find hookers, and performing sex acts with strippers, also without protection leaving me and baby susceptible to STIs. I finally put my foot down and kicked him out of the house after months of escalation. I decided my baby deserves better than this, I do too.
> 
> It has only been a couple months now but it appears from afar that he is trying to recover, although I know the path to recovery is long and very difficult. I have tried letting him in a little at a time, not to reconcile, but so that he can be in baby's life. I wanted to feel comfortable enough for him to attend the birth, but I don't. I am having a home birth and my midwife also, while leaving the decision up to me, feels it could negatively impact my labor if he does attend, and is supportive of me decided that I may or may not want him there.
> 
> ...


He hasn't earned the right to be at that birth, I'm sorry. He's nothing more than a sperm donor and he's donating all over town and paying to do it if he can't do it for free. There is literally no telling how many other women he has gotten pregnant you don't even know about or he doesn't even know about. 

Kick him out and leave him out. When the time comes for custody, you can sort it out with attorneys and the courts. You may literally have to MAKE him be part of the child's life IF that is what you want. If you are in the U.S., you apply for child support, which he will have to pay, and then the State collects it and you don't have to be nice to him to get the money from him. They will take it out of his pay or whatever. If not in the U.S., you might mention where you are so someone from there can tell you how it works there. 

But he is a total loser and you really don't need that type of role model for this child to immitate, because that is how kids model after whoever is around, usually the parents.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I feel like regardless of whether you are in an excellent marriage or broken up, its all about what the lady feels most comfortable with. Labor is a very personal and also traumatic experience in one package. 

Do not feel guilty for doing what you feel is best for yourself..... Besides, he sounds like nothing more than a sperm donor. Him being there might give the false impression that he is going to change.


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