# Any suggestions



## ashamedhusband

Most recently my wife and I have been having arguements. We have been married for over 11 years. The arguments started a year ago. I have always had insecurity issues and coupled with not liking her sister. 

Most recently my wife blew her top which is very unlike her. She said years of frustration finally caught up with her and she is now letting me have it. It hurts as she is very cold. I never realized how controlling I had been but now my eyes are open, I have attended a counseling session and will continue monthly counseling, kind of like as chiropractic checkup.

My question is why wont my wife forgive me. We always said the only thing that would ever tear us apart would be infidelity but most recently she seems to be pushing my button so much even her mother started yellingat her. 

I love her so much and she know I would do anything for her. Today I go to my second session. Is she so mad she would throw away 11 years of marriage or is she just afraid if she doesn't keep her foot down for awhile I may return to my old stupid habits.

I reassurred her I wouldn't simply because I know what the consequences are but almost every other day her tune changes with me. 

I am at my wits end. I understand proof is in the change but show my that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Al she ever says is I don't know what the future holds for us but i dont like how we are currently living.

I am proud that she finally stood up and said she was unhappy but when I tell her she show have been adamant before she gets angry. I am not sure if its at me for not seeing the signs or if she feels guilty for not making the signs more noticable.

I admit my faults and lit the fuse so to speak but it seems know she just wants to flame the fire.

Any thoughts?


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## Prodigal

Since you are posting on the addictions forum, may I assume you have struggled with some sort of addiction in the past? Could you be more specific about what it was you were addicted to? Booze? Drugs? Porn?

You mention you've had insecurity issues and don't like your wife's sister. I don't know how that is relevant to addiction issues, if that is what you are dealing with.

I can tell you this: as the former wife of two alcoholics, I held resentments for quite awhile. It's normal. It is not normal, however, to hold something over someone's head for years on end.

Please clarify your situation a bit. Thanks.


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## orangebirds

Sit down and talk with her. Ask her why she wont forgive you. Ask her if she is so mad she would throw away 11 years or marriage or is just trying to keep her foot down. Be calm, don't get upset or defensive even if she does.


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## Giro flee

In other words she has put up with your crap for eleven years, you've decided to be nice now for what, two weeks? You're only on your second counseling session and believe everything should just be ok now? Um, it doesn't work that way. Good behavior and change over a long period of time will be the only way to prove change, and she probably needs counseling as well...


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## Chuck71

Accepting whatever faults you have is a large step.

Has she accepted she has been at fault? If so, you have a foundation.

If everything is your fault, she is sitting in the victim chair.

Continue your IC. Would both of you welcome MC?


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