# Possibly leaving for new man



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

I've been married for 22 years and it is dead in the water and we fight a lot. Without creating a list of the reasons right now I will tell you that I have a new relationship on the side and even though this is excrutiating it might just be the right thing for me.
My spouse and I haven't had an intimate relationship for probably 6 years-the sex with my new man is amazing. I've known him since I was 14 (now in my 50's) and always had a huge thing for him! We haven't seen each other for 30 years and now he works 1 mile from my house (coincidence??!!) We seem like we are extremely emotionally and intellectually compatible. We grew up 4 blocks apart and went through middle school together and have very similar backgrounds. Absolutley everything about him just takes my breath away and our affair is going on two years. It has not been without tremendous guilt and worry and scrutiny. He feels positive we are soulmates and it will last forever. His two kids are grown and gone and his wife is very overweight and ill and depressed and he has spent the last several years trying everything to turn her life around to no avail. Now he is trying to get her set up to live on her own and admits he will have to provide for her. Money will not be an issue in our relationship. To me this feels like I finally found the love of my life. I just want him constantly and want to love him and make him happy and take care of him. This is soo mind blowing it makes me anxious yet very happy. I'm open to feedback.


----------



## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

It is too bad the love of your life is the kind of person who would cheat on his sick depressed wife with a married woman. Have you thought of what will happen if you get ill? The two of you are in your 50's. You have a blueprint of what he does when his wife becomes sick. I do think both your spouses deserve better. Have you thought of how it will be when the thrill and mystery of sneaking around is no longer there?


----------



## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

You deserve each other what comes around goes around
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

wifeiam said:


> It is too bad the love of your life is the kind of person who would cheat on his sick depressed wife with a married woman. Have you thought of what will happen if you get ill? The two of you are in your 50's. You have a blueprint of what he does when his wife becomes sick. I do think both your spouses deserve better. Have you thought of how it will be when the thrill and mystery of sneaking around is no longer there?


This:iagree:

Also,have you attempted to post this in CWI?I'm interested to see the input you'll get from there.
Of course,the way you come to a pro marriage forum to basically brag about your affair is questionable.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ChristinaDD said:


> Without creating a list of the reasons right now


please don't

it's called blameshifting and I really have no desire to read it


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

Okay, here's this list of the **** I put up with: we spent 5 years working on adoption, I quit my career and at the last minute he changed his mind. For the last 13 years he hasn't come home from work and leaves me in the dark about his schedule, leaves every Saturday morning to go to AA and then breakfast-gone til 1:00. Puts $200.00 in an account for me and I'm on my own. Never told me he was sexually moslested as a child-I asked! Never told me the truth about learning disabilities when I asked before we were married-I asked! Lets his family emotionally abuse me and says nothing. Has never apoligized for anything. Never asked me what I've wanted or needed. Doesn't respond to my needs when I ask. Has gone on 10 vacations without me. Is resentful that I am going on a trip by myself this summer. Controls me emotionally by playing mind games like: "Deer in the headlights-I dont' know what you mean".
I am long, long--suffering and should've titled my post, "I guess miracles can happen if you wait and hang in there long enough".
And, my relationship is not totally a secret my often visited therapist advised me to be somewhat truthful and I have.
His wife has major personality disorders and he takes medcation to put up with it. He figured it was his lot in life until we ran into each other. Sneaking around--I'd say finding happiness finally!


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

None of these things adds up to why you're cheating.None of these things adds up to why you're sleeping with a married man.

What do you hope to accomplish by being on this site?


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

50 year olds talking about being soulmates? Come on
If your marriage is so bad why are you still in it?


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ChristinaDD said:


> should've titled my post, "you too can do the wrong thing and attempt to justify your own immoral behavior"



sorry had to make an edit


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

All this tells me is you contributed to unhealthy relationship dynamics for a very long time. 10 vacations? Why did you not put your foot down after the first? or second? or third? 

I am a firm believer that you need to end one relationship before starting another. Did you ask him why he hid those things from you? Shame? A concept I do believe you are unfamiliar with.

Instead of a therapist you should have seen a marriage counselor YEARS ago and set your boundaries then. You might have the relationship you wanted with the man you married had you done that.


----------



## LanieB (Jan 22, 2013)

Wow. The only advice I have for you is this: Please divorce your husband. No matter what he has or hasn't done in your marriage, he doesn't deserve this. 

It sounds like you've already made up your mind anyway, so go ahead and do it. I can already promise you that the rosy, wonderful life you think you're going to have with this new man WILL NOT turn out the way you want it to. You can make excuses to everyone you know and tell them how horrible your husband was, but in the end, you will still be known as "the woman who cheated on her husband and broke up two marriages." Can you live with that?


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Oh, and I advise you to separate from your husband and move into your own place and stop seeing the OM. Let him separate from his wife. Then if you are both still interested, resume the relationship but stop it now. You need to get to know who you are when your identity isn't tied to a man.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Oh, and I advise you to separate from your husband and move into your own place and stop seeing the OM. Let him separate from his wife. Then if you are both still interested, resume the relationship but stop it now. You need to get to know who you are when your identity isn't tied to a man.


lol you stole my post  

I definitely agree with this to the letter.


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

Posting because it could be happening with someone else. Also, I was planning on leaving anyway. It is easy to judge about cheating until you are there, by there I mean a spouse who is no longer sexually healthy and won't deal with it. My friend's wife simply said "no more" 8 years ago. She doesn't work although she is able. I realize there are red flags. Either way I am married to a really self-centered (admittedly) man and it is not fixable. And, I've done therapy to a fault. This situation can and does happen and it is hard.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what you describe is good reason to divorce

what you're doing is NOT A REASON TO CHEAT
what you're doing to your OMW is deplorable

you're creating a world of pain for all 4 persons involved and it's yours and OM's fault NOT your husband or his wife


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm not entirely sure if you care about this aspect or not but have you ever considered the ripple of negativity your actions bring on other women?
I understand your husband is a rotten man in your eyes and has wronged you many times over.But when you sleep with someone's husband you make ALL women look bad.You make us all look like we're capable of destroying another woman's life and home.
When you cheat on your husband then come to a public forum to gaslight and promote your affair, it could make another man unsure about his decision to get married or even commit or even to treat women with respect.

Every time a woman does something like this and appears proud of her choice,it knocks the rest of female population down further in the eyes of men.
People who choose to behave in the way you've chosen to behave are the reason woman haters AND man haters exist.


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

I took him to a marriage counselor in 2008 and he agreed to do what she said. As we were walking out of the room he said to me, "You set me up". Not sure what he meant but he would never go back and I've gone by myself since. Put my foot down? What exactly does that mean? He has the money and the power...I've had nowhere to go and doesn't care how I feel.


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

You are right about the sleeping with part. Actually, we taked about trying it once so neither of us would end up back with someone that was a mismatch. I thought that was adult and smart at our age. What a wonderful surprise and I agree it should be put on hold. The takeaway from this experience for men is that don't let your sex life fall by the wayside and go down the drain!


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you fail to realize that you had a choice that is honorable and reasonable in your situation

you could have filed for divorce

instead you took an immoral path and you have now done something WORSE than what he has done to you


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You keep citing problems in your marriage. Ok that means you either fix them, accept them, or divorce.

None of them is a reason that justifies cheating. That's where you went wrong in your logic.

But I guess since you think those are valid reasons then if you find you husband is cheating and cites the same ones, then he is good to go right?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Just remember soul mates that cheat with you will cheat on you.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Just remember soul mates that cheat with you will cheat on you.


when the chips are down like it always happens in ANY relationship, I doubt he will stay faithful and the same could be said of you


----------



## mrsoffshore (Apr 25, 2013)

Did your friend's wife tell you she said "no more", or did he tell you that? You really don't know what is going on behind their closed doors. He might just be feeding you bait so he can have his fish. Think about it. What man is going to leave his wife and still take care of her even though she is capable of doing it herself? Something doesn't add up


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

We talked about how this was disrespectful to her...because I get that. He said he tried to work it out with her and she has no interest. He was shut down, repressed, lonely. If he realizes from this experience that he wants to work it out with her I can accept that too. I'm really not bragging about an affair. It's life and can happen to other people. I do appreciate all of your feedback. Thanks.


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

She isn't capable of taking care of herself. Two heart attacks and diabetes. Had a job at Wal-Mart and told them to ****-off and walked out 2 years ago. He's willing to provide for her fat lazy ass after all that.

He admitted to me he cheated once in their 37 year marriage. I've never cheated, ever, honest to a fault.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

ChristinaDD said:


> She isn't capable of taking care of herself. Two heart attacks and diabetes. Had a job at Wal-Mart and told them to ****-off and walked out 2 years ago. He's willing to provide for her fat lazy ass after all that.


What do you do for a living?



ChristinaDD said:


> He admitted to me he cheated once in their 37 year marriage. I've never cheated, ever, honest to a fault.


What did your husband say when you told him you were cheating?


----------



## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

ChristinaDD said:


> She isn't capable of taking care of herself. Two heart attacks and diabetes. Had a job at Wal-Mart and told them to ****-off and walked out 2 years ago. He's willing to provide for her fat lazy ass after all that.
> 
> He admitted to me he cheated once in their 37 year marriage. I've never cheated, ever, honest to a fault.


Wow, you really seem to harbor a lot of resentment against this woman. You'd think she had slept with your husband or something. Isn't her poor health and fatness the supposed reason you get the prize of her cheating husband? Maybe you send her a thank you card or something.


----------



## LanieB (Jan 22, 2013)

Christina, even though you may not be telling the OM lies about your marriage, you really shouldn't assume OM is always telling you the truth. My husband was/is having a long-term affair and in order to prove it was still in progress, I used a VAR (recorder) and recorded their conversations. I got to listen to my husband tell outright lies about me and our marriage to the OW. And to anyone else, he would've sounded completely truthful and sincere. He was just that good at lying and justifying the affair. And the OW was eating up every word.

I really do think that for your own sanity and peace of mind, you need to end this affair AND divorce your husband. If you don't, in the long-run it's going to affect you way more than you think it will. I think whether you want to acknowledge it or not, there will eventually be so much guilt - for you and for the OM - that it will eat away at your relationship until there is nothing left. Plus, being labeled as Cheaters and Home Wreckers by the general public isn't going to be pleasant.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

her fat lazy a$$?? really? 

What do you actually know about this woman that didn't come from her cheating partner?


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

ChristinaDD said:


> I've never cheated, ever, honest to a fault.


:lol:
:rofl:

OMG! Soooo funny! :rofl:


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Humm I wonder why the OM wife is depressed? Cheating causes depression.

Fat and lazy as you discribe her, he's still picking her over you.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

furthermore, those engaged in an affair will often exaggerate and vilify their spouses in order to be justified in doing some thing that is so harmful and destructive


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

I've tried to fix them. Several support groups and 3 therapists. Was leaving anyway...I guess the problem is just timing.


----------



## mrsoffshore (Apr 25, 2013)

Are you really ready to settle with a man who, even if he leaves, still has to take care of his wife? And does it willingly? Maybe I'm just selfish but I were to ever leave my husband for another man, I'm going to need the other man to bring everything to the table, including his paycheck. Get a divorce make yourself available to someone who can give you all them


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the problem is you and your OM's cheating, not the timing


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

bottom line is you weren't willing to D until you had his replacement in place, how cowardly is that?


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

That's right and the avenue I'm taking now. Starting process tonite in uncoupling group. Will probably need to go on public assistance but I'm ready to roll with it.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Before you run your mouth about your "soul mate's" wife (remember your comment about her "fat, lazy ass"?) remember that you have no more idea what really goes on in their marriage than anyone else knows what goes on in yours. People that cheat lie about their spouses all the time, and your soul mate has already made it clear that he's capable of lying. It sounds like your marriage bites so by all means leave it, just know that you could be nothing more then your OM's side skank. If that's ok with you then fine, just make your decisions accordingly and don't b$tch when he treats you line crap when you don't suit him anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

ChristinaDD said:


> Will probably need to go on public assistance but I'm ready to roll with it.


Ah ok so you're willing to let taxpayers support you and all your bad choices.Way to go.I guess it's easy to say you're ready to roll with it when someone else,like me for example,will be supporting you.

I need to step out of this thread before I lose my cool.I've seen a lot of arrogant people on this site but you seriously take home first place for arrogance.


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

Wow! Last post, has been interesting! 2 long suffering devoted people meet up, befriend each other for 2 years before becoming intimate, talk about what leaving entails, fall in love and work a plan that hopefully leaves minimal damage. His wife and my husband are the ones that gave up and took us for granted. She is depressed because she doesn't try to pick herself up. And when I told my husband I was in contact with ex male friend he initiated marriage counseling to which I complied. The marriage counselor said he need a neuropsychological exam-took him 2 years to comply because he was hiding his issues that now have full disclosure. Maybe things won't work out...but it feels like true love to both of us. Thanks all!


----------



## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

ChristinaDD said:


> That's right and the avenue I'm taking now. Starting process tonite in uncoupling group. Will probably need to go on public assistance but I'm ready to roll with it.


No thanks, I don't care to support you just because you can't do things properly. I have no problem helping to support people who need a true hand up however that is not you. You have the opportunity to work on finding a job and a lifestyle that will fit that job and divorcing. Your do not need to escape your husband due to any imminent abuse. You just are the latest mistress in your affair partners roster and just because you are an eager little beaver to get on with that doesn't mean I should have to help pay for it.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

He's cheated before so I dont think either of you are devoted. Please look for a job to support yourself, he's not leaving his wife. Maybe you should find the other woman he cheated with, I'm sure she will tell you he told her the same fantasy and sob story.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ChristinaDD said:


> I've been married for 22 years and it is dead in the water and we fight a lot. Without creating a list of the reasons right now I will tell you that I have a new relationship on the side and even though this is excrutiating it might just be the right thing for me.
> My spouse and I haven't had an intimate relationship for probably 6 years-the sex with my new man is amazing. I've known him since I was 14 (now in my 50's) and always had a huge thing for him! We haven't seen each other for 30 years and now he works 1 mile from my house (coincidence??!!) We seem like we are extremely emotionally and intellectually compatible. We grew up 4 blocks apart and went through middle school together and have very similar backgrounds. Absolutley everything about him just takes my breath away and our affair is going on two years. It has not been without tremendous guilt and worry and scrutiny. He feels positive we are soulmates and it will last forever. His two kids are grown and gone and his wife is very overweight and ill and depressed and he has spent the last several years trying everything to turn her life around to no avail. Now he is trying to get her set up to live on her own and admits he will have to provide for her. Money will not be an issue in our relationship. To me this feels like I finally found the love of my life. I just want him constantly and want to love him and make him happy and take care of him. This is soo mind blowing it makes me anxious yet very happy. I'm open to feedback.


Feedback, Christina? OK!

You took vows when you married him; do you remotely remember that verbage, "for better or worse, richer or poorer?"
Does that even mean a "tinkers damn" to you? What is your public image going to be with your own family, not to mention your husbands. And your OM's family and kids? They wouldn't pee in your guts if you caught on fire! Their allegience is with their mother! So if you still don't have a clue about how they'll feel about you, try spelling the word "*trollop*!" And that's pretty much the way that your neighbors and community will feel as well. Try spelling yet another word: "*ostracism*!"

And that comfortable living you're talking about could well translate to your OM having to pay the legal expenses of your H in your impending divorce case along with his W. And there's the possibility of spousal support for H as well depending on his financial situation.

And let's just say that you successfully navigate yourselves with bliss into "La-La Land." Think that's going to last forever? Not a chance ~ when he forces you into a prenup and then gets the hots for somebody else, he'll put you out by the side of the road with a copper pot, whiz in it to give you something to drink, then richly move on to his next piece of female anatomy!

Don't say that you weren't forewarned!


----------



## mrsoffshore (Apr 25, 2013)

I think you have "true love" confused with a "good nut"


----------



## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

I wish you no ill will, but to start one relationship before ending another is not the way to go. Do a no contact with the other guy until both yours and his relationships are over, then see if you feel the same way. Good luck.


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

Thanks Java, I agree. I guess what I'm looking for is how to get through this. I've been advised to finish one before starting the other. I would have left my current rel but I was caught between staying committed and nowhere to go (I have no family) and grew up in foster homes. I just finished my MS degree and will now be able to support myself.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Christina

I believe you came here looking for advice. I'll reserve my judgements as you've received plenty of that already. 

It seems you are in a failed marriage. Obviously you hold no hope of reconciliation. You feel trapped financially. 

The absolutely best thing you can do for yourself now is to become independant. It will take time and a huge amount of effort. It will however be tremendously rewarding. 

Once you get there you can choose a partner based on "wanting" to be with him as opposed to "needing" to be with him. He will also respect you more as he will know you are only there as long as you choose to be. 

I believe in life you should always take the high road. You want to be able to lie on your death bed and be able to look back on your life with no regrets. I do not believe you will regret leaving your marriage. You certainly won't regret becoming a strong independant woman. You will regret having cheated. 

Cut out this "soulmate" and start using that energy to work on yourself. He looks good now because you're looking through the filters of your current situation. If he truly is "the one" he will still look good once you've extracted yourself from your current situation. Wait until then to consider pursuing that relationship.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ChristinaDD said:


> That's right and the avenue I'm taking now. Starting process tonite in uncoupling group. *Will probably need to go on public assistance *but I'm ready to roll with it.


Well if your OM is so well-off, and that you're fastly holding onto a Master's Degree, then exactly why would you need to go on public assistance? There's a great likelihood that whatever Public Assistance that you eventually procure, will have to be paid back to the government, with penalty and interest, if it is ever reported!


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Well if your OM is so well-off, then exactly why would you need to go on public assistance? There's a great likelihood that whatever Public Assistance that you eventually procure, will have to be paid back to the government, with penalty and interest, if it is ever reported!


She apparently needs someone to support her _______, ________ ass, from what I gather.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Of course the other man seems to be all that and a bag of chips - you're not the one who has to wash his dirty underwear, listen to him snore at night or seem him at his worst. You're living in a fantasy world together, not reality.

If you marriage is THAT bad, leave. Stop dating a married man who would be that cruel to a wife who is ill. 

Get a job and move out. Try being an independent adult before you become dependent on yet another person.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You are deep deep deep in an affair fog. The air is so thick you can cut it with a knife.

I'll just note that there is nothing that ever justifies an affair ever. Also, this OM isn't about to leave his wife either. He's only using you for sex. I wouldn't doubt there are other women he's sleeping with since he's a serial cheater. 

Stop blaming your husband for your betrayal.


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

Public assistance would not be my first choice and it is not comfortable. Although, in order to get on track I would and that's what it's there for. Thanks GT dad, it's true, I might feel different and I am going to ask him to be more accountable and work on an agreement or "contract" if we are going to move in that direction. I already told him I'm not leaving for him. I have been independent before and gave that up to be with hubby now, so I know I can do it.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

LOLZ...you still call him "hubby". That's cute. What you will find is that the Land of Unicorns and Rainbows is a farse. The little place you've lived the past few years will dissipate as quickly as the first time he picks his nose sitting on the couch and you fart. It...is inevitable. 

Hey, are you a Doctor of Divinity by chance?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Remember this, if you don't choose to remember anything else: *If your beloved OM would do this to his current wife, what guarantees do you have that greatly in the span of time, that he'll do the very same thing to you?*


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

I know people eventually resort back to their core personalities-warts and all-I always try to have manners and self respect. Once again, he isn't cruel to his wife (I know her) he's just tried everything and gets nothing in return. And he has admitted he will be short on money and actually said we can make it together. The guy has a broken tooth and is in pain because he spends all his money on his wifes meds. He wouldn't take help from me when I offered so he has boundries about it.


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

At the time he was hubby-false promises. Actually husband doesn't even sound right. My MS degree is in Technical Communication-paid for it myself, GPA 3.3. Studied nights, weekends, worked and succeeded.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

ChristinaDD said:


> he isn't cruel to his wife


Um, yes, sleeping with you is being cruel to her. I'm sorry that you can't see that now but someday when you are her, you'll see that.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

ChristinaDD said:


> I know people eventually resort back to their core personalities-warts and all-I always try to have manners and self respect. Once again, he isn't cruel to his wife (I know her) he's just tried everything and gets nothing in return. And he has admitted he will be short on money and actually said we can make it together. The guy has a broken tooth and is in pain because he spends all his money on his wifes meds. He wouldn't take help from me when I offered so he has boundries about it.


Maybe because he loves her? Seems like he has no intentions of leaving her. Make a plan for yourself, many many many people make it out there by supporting themselves. It's not as hard as you think. Just takes motivation and pride.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

ChristinaDD said:


> I know people eventually resort back to their core personalities-warts and all-I always try to have manners and self respect.


Noble things to aspire to. Have you told your husband what's going on yet? If not, why not?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok so if you guys are soulmates why haven't you left and divorced your spouses yet? 

I don't get it. Why keep lying and cheating?


----------



## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Christina: You've obviously already made up your mind. You seem to be coming here for validation.

Don't expect to find it.

Everything you've said about your new love and his soulmate qualities is something that has been seen on TAM over, and over, and over, and over again.

Underneath is a much dirtier reality.

Think on it.


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

ChristinaDD said:


> Okay, here's this list of the **** I put up with: we spent 5 years working on adoption, I quit my career and at the last minute he changed his mind. For the last 13 years he hasn't come home from work and leaves me in the dark about his schedule, leaves every Saturday morning to go to AA and then breakfast-gone til 1:00. Puts $200.00 in an account for me and I'm on my own. Never told me he was sexually moslested as a child-I asked! Never told me the truth about learning disabilities when I asked before we were married-I asked! Lets his family emotionally abuse me and says nothing. Has never apoligized for anything. Never asked me what I've wanted or needed. Doesn't respond to my needs when I ask. Has gone on 10 vacations without me. Is resentful that I am going on a trip by myself this summer. Controls me emotionally by playing mind games like: "Deer in the headlights-I dont' know what you mean".
> I am long, long--suffering and should've titled my post, "I guess miracles can happen if you wait and hang in there long enough".
> And, my relationship is not totally a secret my often visited therapist advised me to be somewhat truthful and I have.
> His wife has major personality disorders and he takes medcation to put up with it. He figured it was his lot in life until we ran into each other. Sneaking around--I'd say finding happiness finally!


Ok, you have stated your case.

Having said that, its still no excuse for either of you to cheat.


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

ChristinaDD said:


> Posting because it could be happening with someone else. Also, I was planning on leaving anyway.


There is a forum at Loveshack called the OM/OW forum. They coddle and cater to this kind of behavior. You might want to check it out.



> It is easy to judge about cheating until you are there, by there I mean a spouse who is no longer sexually healthy and won't deal with it.


Uh, there are some of us who will never cheat. And if things are bad, we'll leave the relationship/marriage before stooping to that level.

We aren't "there" because we choose to not be there.


Having said that, all you are doing posting here is bragging about how you are able to have sex with someone outside your marriage and that this affair is a good thing and you will be happy.

So be happy. Why do you need to come on a site where people aren't doing so well because of people such as yourself and your married man?

I'm sure your story of gleeful extramarital sex is offensive to others on this site.


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

ChristinaDD is so funny is it scary calls the OMW fat lazy as(christinadd)s. but not miss hard working ill make the tax payers pay for me with public assiatance. yep the fat lazy go's both ways


----------



## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

I hope it all works out for you.


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

ChristinaDD said:


> I know people eventually resort back to their core personalities-warts and all-I always try to have manners and self respect. Once again, *he isn't cruel to his wife*


Yes, he is. And so are you.

And we know you have manners. Its evident by calling the wife names and calling her a lazy fat a$$.



TCSRedhead said:


> Um, yes, sleeping with you is being cruel to her.


Yes, :iagree:


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

I supported myself from age 16 to 33, believe me I know how to do it.


----------



## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

ChristinaDD said:


> Posting because it could be happening with someone else. Also, I was planning on leaving anyway. It is easy to judge about cheating until you are there, by there I mean a spouse who is no longer sexually healthy and won't deal with it. My friend's wife simply said "no more" 8 years ago. She doesn't work although she is able. I realize there are red flags. Either way I am married to a really self-centered (admittedly) man and it is not fixable. And, I've done therapy to a fault. This situation can and does happen and it is hard.


Who are you to call anyone self-centered??? You are sleeping with someone else's husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE MAN WHO CHEATS WITH YOU WILL CHEAT ON YOU...and vice-versa. You have not found happiness. You don't even know what real life with this man is like.


----------



## MysteryMan1 (Nov 4, 2012)

Probably best to let this thread die. You won't find any sympathy here.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I read every post on this thread. There are folks here who have dealt with infidelity in their marriages. I have not, so I refrained from commenting.

But I'm just sitting here, shaking my head, saying "Wow ... what the ????" 

The sense of entitlement ... I'm almost speechless. And those who know me, KNOW I'm never at a loss for words.

The title of this post "*Possibly* leaving for a 'new' man." After two year's of cheating, I still don't see anything resembling a rational response from the OP'er as to why both she and the OM haven't filed for divorce already.

And the remark about public assistance. In this erratic economy? Here in Arizona, people don't even qualify for any public assistance unless they have children living in the home who are 18 years old or younger. And even then, it's not easy to get help.

But someone with a graduate degree, who is cheating with a married man, just cavalierly responds along the lines of, "Meh, I'll just go suck off the government t!t, if need be."

If this affair was so all-fired hot, wet, wild, and wonderful ... why the two-year wait to divorce? And the OM? Doesn't sound like he's rushing to file papers ...

Okay. I'm sufficiently grossed out.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think OP achieved the goal of ruffling feathers.I will be surprised if she returns.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ChristinaDD said:


> I supported myself from age 16 to 33, believe me I know how to do it.


Then do it. What are you waiting for? You've been having an affair for two years now on your husband's dime so it's only fair you leave him and support yourself.

Duh. 

It ain't rocket science, folks. :smthumbup:


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

ChristinaDD said:


> I supported myself from age 16 to 33, believe me I know how to do it.


So then what's the issue? You have a masters degree and can provide for yourself. I was just confused about your public assistance statement thinking you are trapped financially.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

why dont you just put your name and address on here christina and start the lazy cheaters fund and we will all send you money so you and your good for nothing POS cheating OM can be happy and lazy together.

P.S. public assistance WAS NOT made to help cheaters start a new life with another pond scum cheater. sorry it was made to HELP STRUGGLING FAMILIES.


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

ChristinaDD said:


> She isn't capable of taking care of herself. Two heart attacks and diabetes. Had a job at Wal-Mart and told them to ****-off and walked out 2 years ago. He's willing to provide for her fat lazy ass after all that.
> 
> He admitted to me he cheated once in their 37 year marriage. I've never cheated, ever, honest to a fault.


 "honest to a fault" Thats Rich $$$$$


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

terrence4159 said:


> P.S. public assistance WAS NOT made to help cheaters start a new life with another pond scum cheater. sorry it was made to HELP STRUGGLING FAMILIES.


:iagree:

Can we all have a loud "AMEN" here? There are people facing extremely difficult times in this economy. I see it everyday in southern Arizona, and it breaks my heart.

Public assistance is for families who are down on their luck, who have children who need to get daily healthy meals, who are in desperate need of housing and medical care.

And this IDIOT tosses out she can go get assistance because she is screwing around on her husband.

SHAMELESS. ABSOLUTELY SHAMELESS.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I honestly don't believe this post is real. The posts about missing teeth, working at Wal Mart, fat and lazy, and public assistance make it all seem like clips from Jerry Springer circa late 90s. Nice try.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Methinks that this is nothing more than an emotion-sensationalizing troll of the _nth_ degree!


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Methinks that this is nothing more than an emotion-sensationalizing troll of the _nth_ degree!


yup


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

bump


----------



## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

The only thing I want to know is who is going to get the trailer.


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Dear,

You are a booty call.

The OM has played the "poor me" card with you & you took the bait like a starving fish in the water.

If his wife is as horrible as he tells you, he would have left her years ago.

If you are his "soul mate" he would have left his wife 2 yrs. ago to be with you.

There is something wrong with a grown man who can't get a broken tooth fixed.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Emerald said:


> If his wife is as horrible as he tells you, he would have left her years ago.


And if her husband is so horrible, I imagine she also would have left him eons ago.


----------

