# Counseling/Self Help..can it all mentally drain even more?



## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

How do you get past the exhaustion? The mentally drained aspect so you can refocus and learn, conquer, move on as you planned or thought you were planning?

Still reading Codependent No More and getting rather confused into the chapters of Remove the Victim and Undependence. I feel since I went to the MC Friday with H pastor, that I've lost all consitration skills and understanding I had when I started reading this book. That hour and 1/2 session as drained what confidence and esteem I felt I was gaining back.

OR am I so depressed I'm mentally making myself believe this? Making myself believe I'm at a loss and have no where to turn or go? I said in the session, I feel exhausted and mentally checked out of this marriage. I do not have the desire, passion, and love that DH has. The reply, "if you make God first, then your spouse, the rest will follow". Well...I understand that, I believe in God and I guess if I were all up into the church and religon aspect, God should come first. But I cannot committ like he asks. I told DH I'm not a level of 'committment' like he has requested. 

H says' he isn't into like that either. So...I question why he is at all. He says it makes him feel good about himself. Well...it makes me frusterated, angry. I have become the hypocrit I speak of as to why I do not believe it's about going to church.

All the talk about bible says this and that about marriage, divorce, adultry. Just yesterday the person preaching said you have committed adultry if you had thoughts of another man or women. If you had thoughts of desiring anyone else other than your husband/wife, you have committed adultry of the heart. WHAT????? So...does that mean the porn pics my H receives and sends back and forth between his friends he is committing adultry? I do compare my self to these women as far as looks. I'm far cry from any of it. Would love to look like some of them, but just ain't happening. And...I have had thoughts of other's at times. So, now, we both have committed adultry. Never enacted, but the bible and church says........

I told H if he is going for right reasons, then I feel he has to, and needs to adapt those same feelings, concepts, and beliefs. I choose not to. I don't mind a sex bad movie once in a while to get things steamed up, I'm not against a little toy action to get the passion flared. But if DH is full steam ahead with religon and Church....I don't believe these are things he should think of or act on.

I'm grasping at straws obviously! I no longer can focus, nor have the energy, to work on both me and DH. All this church religon stuff makes me feel ashamed, even more unworthy. I didn't think it was possible for me to feel anyworse. HA! I'm even more so to point of screw it all! Maybe I'm better off a loner. Better off with no companionship. Just me myself and I. Yet, those 3 don't exist. I also have to be a mother, and I want to be an awesome one to my daughter. Who I have no idea how she views me or sees me right now. She is only 7, but some of her actions make me feel I've failed first 7 years so far. I've allowed her to fear her dad, his actions, and be uterly confused how to feel confident. She has no clue of difference in one wanting to help her, verses scould or discipline. She cries as much as I do. Is it her age...in part I'm sure yes. She's my only one so it's not like I have anything to compare to.

Oh....I'm just tired. I want to just not care anymore of anyone but me and my dd. How do I get there.....not sure I'll survive the time needed to get there.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Are you being treated for your depression? I myself suffer from it; I've actually got an appt this week to get back on meds for it. I know exactly what you mean about the exhaustion and inability to concentrate or focus; I feel it right now myself. But I know that when I'm being treated, I don't feel that. 

So, I'm thinking if you're being treated, it's one of two things: 

1. The meds aren't quite working right for you

2. The meds are working for your clinical depression but you now have a situational depression caused by your marriage/husband, which meds won't touch. 

If it's the first one, talking to your doctor and adjusting your dose or even changing meds if it's just not working at all should help. 

If it's the second, counseling should help. But not counseling with a pastor for your marriage. You need to see a counselor for yourself, one that can help you work through the issues and figure out if this is something that can be fixed or if you're depressed over it because it's time to let it go and you haven't. That will also help you get through the tough times until everything is over and done. 

You might not be sure if it's the first or second that applies to you, and if that's the case, talk to your doctor and tell him/her how you're feeling, in detail, including about the counseling session and stuff. Your doctor should be able to help you figure out if it's clinical or situational and whether or not you should see a therapist; although, I think seeing a therapist regardless can't really hurt.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Bottom line, after all is said and done, you will have to decide what you really want. If you truly just are not into it anymore and are drained and tired of it all, you need to save yourself and husband some time by just doing what you probably know you need to do. Nope, not saying just throw in the towel, but at some point you will have to weigh your options. Sometimes staying in a marriage that is just not healthy can actually do more harm than good.


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## bingofuel (Jan 27, 2011)

I am going through a similar issue and I also am still struggling with it. I can tell you that over-analyzing can definitely create more confusion. It does for me. Many resources available often contradict the other - in the end it's all about what works for you. Put that book down and try another. I see them more as suggestions and guidelines rather than a how-to fix it manual. Also, hammering a subject over and over again does not help anything if you feel you are getting nowhere. That is what causes emotional numbness. For me it helps to just stop. Reflect on what has transpired and give yourself time to think about the issue. Get some more input from different sources. Try again later when emotions are not running so high and you have a more objective view on things. Perhaps a different approach will yield better results. These are some things I picked up from MY resources and have found them helpful.

Good luck
Bingo


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