# I dont know what to do anymore



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

I really dont know what to do anymore. Things were going so good with us, then he changed on me. Lately he hasnt been showing me he loves me, he tells everyone he loves me he shows it everyone that he loves me but me. It hurts me that he wont even hold my hand anymore his excuse is that he doesnt have to hold my hand everywhere we go. I dont ask him to hold my hand except when we are walking through a store. 

It all started when his ex girlfriend from highschool came back out of no where and started rumors about me. One of the rumors were true but we dont know how she found out since it was just between me and him but she doesnt even go to where me and my fiance attend college she is still in highschool since she had failed a grade or 2 i dont really remember. I told my fiance that she has been spreading rumors and he sticks up for her.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Him sticking up for her is an issue but you are both young and have the same issues here as your last thread.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/2018-what-should-i-do.html#post13916

I think your co-dependency is showing through. You seem like a smart girl, so this is the advice I can offer you.

You need to be independent of the relationship and have it. Do things for yourself and by yourself. You do not need him to define you. 

By doing this you will have less anxiety and will have a stronger core that he will likely find attractive.

Continue to learn communicate skill. I worked my butt off for ten years to get down the basics and from time to time still find little thing that help more.

Don't worry about his friendships with women. They seem to be a sticking point in all your issues. They make you sound insecure with him. He will have female friends as you will have male friends.

As for the 15 year old that he said he "loved like a sister" I wouldn't worry so much at that. If it is only that. As far as him sticking up for his exg/f I think you need to look at how you brought things up. Did you make him to be on the defensive?

Younger people are still more attached to their friends than loves. He hasn't bonded with you enough for you to be more important because from a real perspective g/f come and go but friends are there to pick up the pieces.

What rumor is this girl spreading and is it true? 

You might question how she knows but since you and your b/f know about it I am sure you each told a trusted friend if it happened. Or she is making stuff up because she doesn't like you for whatever reason. If the latter is the case, you might ask why she doesn't like you. If she is friends with your b/f does she dislike how you treat him or feel you are to controling?

You don't give a lot to respond to so I can only answer what I have and probe for more answers.

draconis


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## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

The rumor was that I was pregnant, I am but this is the first I have told anyone, except my fiance. I have a feeling that he told her just so she would leave me alone but it backfired.

The ex girlfriend doesnt like me because well I think because I have my fiance and she doesnt. *She left him*, She was cheating on him and was then put in jail. Why I dont know. 

The 15 year old doesnt bother me anymore, I just thought it was werid that a 19 year old would hang out with a 15 year old.

On the pregnancy it was a shock because i was on everything to prevent it but it just didnt help.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Smile_Jenny said:


> The rumor was that I was pregnant, I am but this is the first I have told anyone, except my fiance. I have a feeling that he told her just so she would leave me alone but it backfired.


Well talk to him and ask him his reasoning for doing this. But it doesn't mean that he didn't tell a close friend that could have told her.




> The ex girlfriend doesnt like me because well I think because I have my fiance and she doesnt. *She left him*, She was cheating on him and was then put in jail. Why I dont know.


Sounds like your assumption may have merit, but since you b/f is friends with her still ask him and tell him you want him to be honest.



> The 15 year old doesnt bother me anymore, I just thought it was werid that a 19 year old would hang out with a 15 year old.


I had many friends much younger then me too. I still do. One of my best friends was five years younger then me. As long as it remains friends I don't think there will be an issue. Sometimes it is nice to have someone you can look up to or an older person to get advice from. I also had many friends much older then me.



> On the pregnancy it was a shock because i was on everything to prevent it but it just didnt help.


Sometimes it happens.

Congrats...

Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?

draconis


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## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

Its a little girl, he wanted it to be a boy but oh well, he says hes happy but he still wants a boy. Which he will also get since i just found out today that its twins that part im saving for a surprise. I really dont get to many surprises but, I just found out my older brothers gf, is having twins to so were kind of skocked since we thought my brother was thought to be unable to have kids.

Our Kids names which we had picked out:
Girl: Maddie Ann
Boy: Cole Paul


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Twins scare me, I have two that are a close age and we call them the twin terrors even though the older one is potty trained and better communicator then the younger they still terror in tandem with each other.

draconis


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Of the above however, I'd never trade them away for all that they do that might get you frustrated they do ten fold as many sweet loving things.

Kids are wonderful.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

may I ask how old you are?

Also what type of birth control did you use? If on the Pill, how long and did you miss any days?

Are you both ready to start a family?


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## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

I love kids and I come from a big family i have 4 biological brothers and i have 4 adopted sisters I have always wanted a big family. Just not now but I believe that God gives you what he knows you can handle and no more and I am thankful that I am getting this chance even though Ill be having the twins on my birthday. Itll be a great birthday gift.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I come from a big family as well, I have an adopted sister and brother, 2 step brothers and 2 step sisters, and 2 bilogical sisters, so a total of 9 kids.

2 of the boys have past on, so there are 7 now.

Big families are OK, but don't lose site of the finacial issues that come with that, having 9 children today, is a whole lot different then ahving 9 children in the 70's/80's. Both parents need to work to maintain a modest house, with both aprents working, that puts on added pressure. thre is a fine balance between treading water and swimming.

How old are you both? what kind of Jobs do you have? What is your goal or plans? Do you own a house? cars? what kind of budget do you ahve for living expenses? all things to think about when starting a family, you simply can not "wing it" takes planning.


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## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

Were both 20, we live together in my grandparents old 5 bedroom house which is paid off we both have cars that we got for our graduation gifts which are paid off as well, he works at a hospital and I work at a pharmacy, Itll be a very tight budget for now until we finish college, mine is completly paid for due to scholarships, I plan on becoming a science teacher in high school, and my fiance is planning on working with networking. Its going to be tough we have lots of family support but we thanked them and said we need to do this on our own we created these wonderful gifts and its our resposnibility. They respected that but they said they will always be there if we need them.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

that is great you have a strong support network, are they going to sell the house to you both so you can build equity?

Sounds like you have a good direction going, having a child is tough, I would ahve recommend waiting until after college, but as you said, it was a "ooops" baby (we have 2 of those) Glad you ahve a strong family support.

I think you will be ok, tell your future hubby to ignore the other girl, she will go away. I am sure he is feeling stressed.


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

Please excuse me for being brash, but your stories all strike me as being odd.

Either way, I just want to stress the budget advice. It is very fortunate that your parents with 8 kids bought you a Car, and his bought him one too, and that you received a free-of-payments house from your grandparents, and that you go to school for free. In fact its the stuff dreams are made of... mine at least =]. BUT! I have seen one of my "parent" friends marriages fall apart to money problems when it came to providing for their kids because they didn't plan ahead. 

You guys need to lay it all out on the table and start planning. I also suggest you take all the money you're not spending on rent, car payments, and tuition (and count those blessings!) and try premarital counseling. Start your marriage out strong because the road ahead is bumpy. I'm very happy for your double good news, and wish you the best of luck. Remember trust, intimacy, and respect.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Wow! That must have been a surprise! Since I am the mother of twins, I know you've got your work cut out for you. It is great you have a strong family network. I don't think I could have gotten thru the early twin years without my family! Also, hopefully you've got good health insurance. Although my pregnancy was complication free for the most part, the medical bills were high. Save up as much money as you can--there's a good chance you won't get to work up to your due date.

As for your relationship advice, everyone else has offered you some sound advice. But, I want to add one thing. Get counseling now. It will be a lot easier to "fix" things now rather than later. In addition, your hormones could play a part soon. I'm sure some of the men on this forum could comment on pregnant women's hormones. :lol:


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

827Aug said:


> In addition, your hormones could play a part soon. I'm sure some of the men on this forum could comment on pregnant women's hormones. :lol:


Haha. I was going to make a comment along the lines of "And you think your man is bipolar? just you wait..." but I figured I would wait for a girl to point out the hormonal changes!


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## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

They have already started to kick in, but not as bad as my sister-in-law who is a month ahead of me.With her twin boys. 

My fiance, today asked me out on a date which he hasn't done in years. We are going to sit down and figure things out. He told me today that he is changing his cell number and all his emails so his ex girlfriend wont bother us anymore. I was so happy.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Smile_Jenny said:


> They have already started to kick in, but not as bad as my sister-in-law who is a month ahead of me.With her twin boys.
> 
> My fiance, today asked me out on a date which he hasn't done in years. We are going to sit down and figure things out. He told me today that he is changing his cell number and all his emails so his ex girlfriend wont bother us anymore. I was so happy.



Good sometimes when kids are introduced into the mix people grew up, and step up to their responciblity.

draconis


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