# Seperating in the same home



## Lo1984 (Jan 6, 2016)

I have been married for 11 years and have had iOS and downs in my marriage. The last two years have been rough. My wife went back to school and became distant and it created a space between us. She then got a job and it got worse. We argued this past weekend and I called her some bad things and got frustrated and told her I was done. I didn't say I wanted a divorce or seperation but that I was done. I was so angry. Well the next day she told me she wanted to seperate and that she couldn't stand me and that she needed her space. Out of emotions I said fine and left. After leaving it hit me that this was really happening and I broke down. I stayed out the house two nights and then decided I was not going to leave and fight for my marriage. I went back and told her I wasn't leaving and that she could leave if she wanted to. I explained how it would hurt our kids and she did not think it would. She was so cold. I finally told her that I was willing to do whatever it takes because I know what I have and dos not want to loose it. That made her smile and she told me she wanted to hurt me and make me feel like I made her feel. This made me think that ok we don't have to do this anynore but that wasn't the case. She still wants to do an in house seperstion. We are limiting our contact and switching out every other day leaving the house for alone time. I am scared and worried that she wants this time for something else. I have had the feeling there was something else going on with her and that is why Whe had become so distant. She i.e. joys the company of her freinds more and blows everything off when she gets a text message from them or a phone call. I do not know what to think. On top of that I called a lawyer and I was told he could not see me because it was a conflict of interest . So apparently at some time she went and saw a lawyer. She denies it and says she made an apoitbment and cancelled it but that would not be a cause for a conflict of interest. I called the lawyer and had them explain it to me and recorded it and played it for her but she still denies it. I don't feel I can trust her. And seeing her go on with herself as if nothing is different is killing me.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Your gut is probably right. She's disconnected for a reason. 

Separation under the same roof.....can be a nightmare for most. Watching and wondering what the other is doing....seeing how they dress up; behaviors; intoxication; etc. 

If you are remaining without a divorce...get help. Mandatory marriage counseling...things will bubble up to the surface during sessions. You want the marriage now...you will be able to gauge where she is during the sessions.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

What was the issue with her getting a job? Were you opposed to it? 

My ex fought me getting one because he was afraid he couldn't control me and it scared him. As it turns out he couldn't control me anyway. 

He also thought women belonged at home. 

What kinds of things did you say to her? Words can really hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lo1984 (Jan 6, 2016)

I didn't think anything was wrong with the job. I was the one that encouraged her to get one. She was the one who always wanted to stay at home. It's just that when she started working she had never had that kind of interaction with other people and she liked it, which there nothing wrong with that but, I feel she has taken that to the extreme because now the freinds she has the most contact with are from work and she will stop doing everything she is doing if her phone goes off and it's not once or twice it has become and almost every time you turn around thing. I have never tried or wanted to control her either. She has always been the controlling one and made me push all my freinds away and I could never have that time with anyone or by myself and I think that is what is making this so hard for me because I feel it is so hypocritical that for so many years she had me on a leash where I could do nothing but now hat she sees and experiences what I have she is making it her priority over everything else including our children


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Maybe an adjustment of her going to work. 

You need to grow up a bit and learn to bite your tongue. When you say hurtful things to a woman they take them to heart and once said you can't take them back.

I would do one check though just to make sure. Go online and check your phone bill. You need to be sure of what you're dealing with. Look for many calls/texts to a specific number.


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