# Hi friends. Needing some advice, please.



## TheWhispersOfBirds

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## Tilted 1

We'll, your wife wants another man for sex and your opening this up to set you back even further. Because she will offer you a woman and then you, understand she will tell you of which man she wants. You really don't want to go there. Some on this site do this but for those with a trace of insecurities your asking for trouble. 

Back off and be satisfied with what you have, if you open this can of worms you be back here asking for divorce advice. But it's up to you, why would you want to see/know someone else is banging you wife?


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## Tilted 1

Maybe she's already had her choice already.


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## MattMatt

Don't do it.

It might be a **** test. And even if it isn't, there's so much that could go wrong.


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## Sfort

Or maybe she's bisexual.


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## TheWhispersOfBirds

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## MJJEAN

Is feeling a different vagina worth losing your marriage?

The truth is that threeways can and often do have disastrous consequences. Relationship ends, relationship limps along with issues, someone "catches feelings" and drama ensues, pregnancy, STD, nutty stalkers, on and on. Those are awfully big risks to take for a few moments in some strange.


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## Yeswecan

TheWhispersOfBirds said:


> With all due respect, I haven't even been given the option to do it, not really. We talked about it, quite a bit actually, but there's been no follow through from her, and the real outcome is I'm feeling cold.
> 
> You're all saying "don't do it" because it will end our marriage, but being strung along, feeling like I've had Taco's dangled in front of me, but I'm not allowed to eat them is really gonna end it for me, to be honest.


You asked for insight from wiser minds. You got it. Don't go there. It is not worth the trouble that is forthcoming. Some fantasies should remain as fantasies.


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## MJJEAN

TheWhispersOfBirds said:


> With all due respect, I haven't even been given the option to do it, not really. We talked about it, quite a bit actually, but there's been no follow through from her, and the real outcome is I'm feeling cold.
> 
> You're all saying "don't do it" because it will end our marriage, but being strung along, feeling like I've had Taco's dangled in front of me, but I'm not allowed to eat them is really gonna end it for me, to be honest.


You were posting while I was typing, so I replied before seeing this.

Trust me, you can get over disappointment and feeling like you were teased MUCH easier than from whatever fallout a threeway could produce.

If having new sexual partners is important enough that you feel so strongly about the threeway issue, perhaps you need to evaluate whether you want to remain married or be free to pursue a variety of women.


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## Cynthia

TheWhispersOfBirds said:


> With all due respect, I haven't even been given the option to do it, not really. We talked about it, quite a bit actually, but there's been no follow through from her, and the real outcome is I'm feeling cold.
> 
> You're all saying "don't do it" because it will end our marriage, but being strung along, feeling like I've had Taco's dangled in front of me, but I'm not allowed to eat them is really gonna end it for me, to be honest.


Seriously? Wow. That sounds quite immature.

How you feel is a direct result of what you are dwelling on. You are allowing resentment to build because your wife hasn't followed through on what she said. Maybe she has realized this would be a huge mistake. If she thinks it would be a huge mistake, it most certainly would be. This shows how she is not happy with the idea of you have sex with another woman. It is normal for your wife to not want you having sex with another woman. How would you feel about her having sex with another man? Have you considered all of the consequences of that behavior?


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## notmyjamie

I'd guess she brought it up in a moment of feeling safe to tell you her fantasy but in reality, she wants it to stay a fantasy. She thought about it more and realizes this. Instead of telling you this, she's hoping you'll forget about it. Not the best way for her to handle it but it is what it is.

While I think she should be honest with you, I also think it's unrealistic of you to hold her to a fantasy she mentioned to you once. Most people are terrified to admit their fantasies and never do, so the fact that she did speaks volumes about how she feels safe with you. For you to then use that against her in your relationship would be a real shame. 

I hope you can readjust your thinking and not destroy your marriage over this. I think you'd find that a huge mistake.


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## RideofmyLife

It's very likely she spoke spontaneously and then thought about it and realized it would not be a good idea. She may feel bad or guilty about leading you on.

I will tell you how opening our marriage worked for us:

We each found a playmate, I developed feelings, he quit his relationship, I didn't. I kept going and he didn't know how to tell me to stop.


What else? During this time I had tubal ligation so that the boyfriend and I could have fun a sex, had an ectopic pregnancy removed (from "boyfriend", not hubby), and had another tubal to fix the first failed one.

I'm three states away helping my father get into a rehab after breaking his hip, had my kids with me thank God, and my husband calls me to tell me he had his gun pointed at his head and was going to kill himself.

I called the cops, and he voluntarily went into a mental hospital for about a week. He's now on anti-anxiety and medicine for depression. He's currently trying to get off since he/we are doing better, but may always be on meds.


After he got out of the mental hospital, he came to Arizona, we got into a fight, I overreacted and called the cops, had them kicked out of my father's house since I had power of attorney for my dad, kids witnessed our breakdown. Fun times...

We prepared for divorce but he wrote me a letter and changed my mind. I have since accepted the role of wayward wife and have been transparent and honest with him. We want to marriage counseling, the whole nine yards.

Amazingly today we are tighter than ever. I hope you never have to go through a fraction of what we went through. Being with another person, developing feelings (or just hormones) for that person, can seriously twist your brain. The fog is real. Just don't go there.

I have a thread here on the site with more details if you want to read my story. Personally, I would skip it. It is a real nightmare.


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## Marduk

Drop it.


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## Girl_power

The fantasies I have are not what I want in reality. The porn I watch is not what I want in reality. Your wife was just talking, that’s normal. A lot of people role play or have phone sex it mutual masterbation while acting out their fantasy. My ex had a fantasy of me being with another man. In no way did I ever think he actually wanted me to cheat on him. However he wanted me to not judge him, and every once in a while talk about sleeping with another man when him and I had sex.

You shouldn’t be upset with your wife. After all this is her fantasy NOT yours. Drop it. If she brings it up, tread lightly. Or ask her how far she wants to go with this fantasy... role playing, watching porn together, or actually having a 3 some. 

Also just because she would have a 3 some doesn’t mean you should jump to do it.


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## Affaircare

TheWhispersOfBirds said:


> ... Last year, we got to *talking about sexual fantasies*, and as it turned out; hers was to "see me have sex with another woman", partly because I never had, and the thought turned her on, apparently.


You were talking about FANTASIES, not realities. In a fantasy, I might imagine sex with a pirate on a pile of gold in a trunk. That doesn't mean I want sex with a real pirate, or sex on a real pile of gold in a trunk. It means it's a fantasy--an unreal mental image, a delusion, an illusion. She is probably envisions a threesome as looking like it's portraited in porn, but NOT envisioning how you'd be thinking of another woman, how you'd be touching and kising her, or how you'd feel resentful because you can't sexually haven some other woman!



> There's a lot to this... But all in all grew the sensation in my body of feeling teased, or used. The tantalization of it being possible, of feeling another woman with us, but then it never manifesting seemed unfair, cruel even given my somewhat unique situation. We've discussed it time and time again, but I feel exasperated over it, disappointed, and my love for her is sadly waning in the midst of these emotions. I feel terrible about this, but I can't help feel as I do.


So you say you love her and only her; you say you want her and only her. And yet here you are focusing 100% on yourself and your blue balls instead of focusing on the love she gives you, the great sex the two of you have, or the way she tantalizes you. Your love for her could GROW if you focused on what you are getting (that, honestly, some married people in sexless marriages would die for!) rather than focusing on what you missed. 



> Am I crazy? I feel conflicted and stuck with this flourishing of my sexuality - I feel like I'm being selfish, but also feel frustrated she raised it, only to let it go cold.


Yep you are crazy. You have a great woman who loves you and wants to be with you in a sexual way. You have a committed partner who is committed to you. Some people search for love their whole lives. Some people long for their spouse to WANT to have sex with them. Some people wish their spouse would open up to them and share a fantasy, knowing that it's a mental image/dream and not something to try to turn into reality! But she TRUSTED you enough to open up to you, and now you're whining about it. 

If you want another woman, leave your wife and let her find someone who will dedicate his life to learning how to love her. If you want your wife, then drop this foolish pursuit of YOUR dream (not hers) and dedicate your life to learning how to love her, as she learns how to love you.


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## She'sStillGotIt

YOU are the exact reasonn why I'd never, ever, EVER marry a man who had no sexual experience.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...your "love" for your wife was just so _deep_ that you didn't care that you'd never had the opportunity to experience other women. Uh huh.

Until you* did* care - which most of you eventually *do*.

And now you're feeling like the little kid whose had his toy taken away and can't get it back so he's throwing a tantrum and is going to end it if he doesn't get his own way.

I think your wife made a foolish decision marrying you and she's about to find out how very foolish that decisions actually was.


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## Faithful Wife

TheWhispersOfBirds said:


> MattMatt said:
> 
> 
> 
> Don't do it.
> 
> It might be a **** test. And even if it isn't, there's so much that could go wrong.
> 
> 
> 
> With all due respect, I haven't even been given the option to do it, not really. We talked about it, quite a bit actually, but there's been no follow through from her, and the real outcome is I'm feeling cold.
> 
> You're all saying "don't do it" because it will end our marriage, but being strung along, feeling like I've had Taco's dangled in front of me, but I'm not allowed to eat them is really gonna end it for me, to be honest.
Click to expand...

If this is going to end it for you, just do it and leave your wife and go bang as many women as will have you. Sheesh.


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## jlg07

So, I think your wife was talking about a fantasy for her (she felt super comfortable to do this with you, which is GREAT).
FANTASY -- NOT REALITY.
YOU took it as a "wow, you really want to do this?"

I think your reaction may have made her realize that maybe she should NOT have shared that particular fantasy with you, so she stopped.
You REALLY should give up this idea -- man DO NOT F*CK up your life for a stupid fantasy.
If you want that, go watch porn that shows that. DON't bother your wife about it anymore.

Eventually, you SHOULD tell her that you love that she shared her fantasy, and let's just keep it as THAT and not let it become reality.


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## EveningThoughts

I do have some understanding of your conflicted feelings and your sexual awakening, but I'm the female half of a slightly similar situation.

After having to enact the fantasy for my entire marriage, I now struggle with playing his fantasy for him, as I eventually awoke sexually more than I ever have, and wanted to experience this and more for real. (And he had always given me the impression that it could be more than fantasy)

It makes no sense to others, but this conflict of feelings did affect my love for my partner. 

Like you, we had the fruitless discussions, that resolved nothing. 

As strong as their desire to enact the fantasy seems, they do not want the reality, especially if they are no longer in charge of it.

And it's very hard to deal with these feelings that have now been awoken in you, maybe even more so if the feelings are there without you even having someone in mind.

All I can say is that you both drop any sex play that involves the fantasy of your desired reality. 
And try and reconnect with each other more, to build back your original bond.


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## Lila

Thread is closed at OP"s request. 

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


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