# A letter to a *****.



## my44 (Apr 15, 2012)

When we first met, everything was fine. You were sweet and i was crazy in love because it was my first real relationship. I was doing things i had never done before in my life. waking up with you, going out to dinner with you, changing with you and the daily sex was nice. I was willing to drop everything and start a life with you, banjo and our soon to be baby. At first i wanted to live with you there forever, everything seem perfect. You showed small signs of crazyness in those first two months but i let it slide. getting mad at me and crying outside in bagio for no good reason. Telling me if i give you high blood on our wedding you wont go through with it. What kind of god damn thing is that to say on a wedding day. I dont care if your stressed out. Its our ****ing wedding. I even remember you getting mad at me for selling YOUR ice. You make such a big deal out of small ****ing things. You always call me stupid and the one time i do it, you start smoking ciggarettes when your pregnant. This is so unfair.

Even after that i came back. Things were ok after dj was born. You told me one night that if i ever left you, you would kill yourself and the baby. I dont care what kind of fight we had, you never ever say that to someone you love. You try to blackmail me, you dont do **** like that because you love me. I would never tell someone i love, if they left me i would kill myself. I would never want to put someone i love in that kind of situation. I never forget the awful things you say. Like when i was helping you move stuff around the house and when i tried to give you my opinion, you told me to shut my mouth and keep working. Im so sick of the dissrespect. You go off the wall for stupid things. I locked the door one time by accident on new years eve, it was just a force of habit. You went nuts pounding on the door and screaming. Your ****ed. Saying you could have died if the house burned down, your so ****ing dramatic.

You always did crazy things, like that time we got in a fight and you grabbed a razor and wanted to shave your head. and when i took the razor away you started to cut your hair with scissors?
i dont need this crazy **** in my life. I dont need your problems. your always in pain, or sad or mad. I dont make you happy.

And July started to get terrible. I got bored at the house and i want to go for a walk but thats not allowed. You told me some horse**** about witchcraft ladies down the street and if i go for a walk they will put a spell on me. you just didnt want me to leave the ****ing property. you keep me in that god damn jail. I remember being polite to a lady that bought something from our store. She had a baby in her arms and i had Dj in my arms and she smiled at me so i smiled back. a simple gesture. Then i see you look at me through a window like your spying on me. You were pissed at me for hours just because i smiled at someone. You are always laughing and smiling with guys and making jokes. Having a good time with customers or the delivory guy. I dont give a ****, your just being friendly. But your crazyness blinds normal things i do and makes them all bad. Your the most jealous person i have met and i now i know that is one of the worst things someone can be, Jealous. Sometimes your just mean for no reason. Like telling me not to talk to you. Getting mad at me when your mad at someone else. If your mad at one person, we all get it. If your having a bad day, everyone will be.

THe first day i got back in july i got to hold dj for the first time and what was sapoused to be a good time. You started a fight with your mom and made me want to go home that day. Your always looking for a fight. The worst one was when you called me stupid. I always tell you dont call me stupid, i ****ing hate that. I never call anyone stupid, even if they are. And then there you go and say it again to me. I had had enough that day, i snapped and punched and broke 4 plastic windows on a cabinet.
You didnt like that, you ****ing broke the rest. And then knocked the ****ing thing over and kicked over the fan. Made a huge mess in the room, **** was everywhere. I was ready to go home that moment when i was scared of you killing someone and blaming it on me. I seriously was. How ****ed is that when a husband is scared that his wife will actually kill someone if i left. so i told you i would clean up the mess and i told myself in my head that this is the end. When you came back to check on my cleaning and i didnt start yet. You yelled at me like a dog "why didnt you clean this up yet?" you told me later if i ever break anything again you will smash all the windows in the house. You told me you wanted to turn the gas stove on and fill the house with gas and blow it up. I like how when you fight with me you smoke and drink. when i tried having a drink and a smoke when you were mad at me, you tried leaving the house in a rainstorm on a motorcycle you dont even know how to drive. you were crying on the roof for half an hour for that. After all this bull**** i gave you another chance.

we were in the restaurant that day (what a ****ing waste of money) and your friend came in without me knowing. i was sleeping in the back room. When i woke up to get out the room, you stopped me to say wait for my friend to leave. you cant tell me what to do, dont try and tell me where to stay and where not to go if your friend is here. your so ****ing jealous that when i did come out of the room, you were pissed. she was already gone but you said i wanted to come out so bad just to see her. You started smoking and drinking as usual. The most ****ed up thing about that fight was it seem like you were ok 2 or 3 hours later. Then out of nowhere you punch a wall so hard the picture knocks off and you gave me this blank stare. It was scary. You can hide your anger like that and then just flip out. We got in a fight one night about my ipod having a suspicious video that you thought was me cheating on you. When i think it was just my fingers in front of the camera, i guess you thought it looked like an ass or something. You threw my ipod across the room and accused me of cheating. You said to me "how do i know what your doing in canada when you dont send me all your money" i was sending you all my money. Ask anyone. You accuse me of cheating and not sending you money. I never once cheated and i always turned down friends on weekends because i simply had no money.

You make me delete pictures of me and other girls on my facebook. I knew it was crazy but i did it. When you found one of me with a girl from 2004, you freaked. I told you it was an old picture from my grad night that didnt mean anything and when i didnt delete it. I knew i had hell to pay. You chain smoked 10 smokes, it was so gross and asked me what was more important. That picture or my family. Haha your so ****ed its funny. So i deleted it. I was sitting with you one day and wanted to talk about your anger problems and how this relationship is unfair. So i brought up the time we fought in july and you made a big mess in our room. I asked why when she gets mad i let her blow off steam but when i get mad. She has to get me back and much much worse.
you got mad at me for bringing up the past. you said "do you want me to smash this window right now?". Thats a nice threat. I cant even talk to you about problems we have had. We have such great communication dont we. You always talk to me like im stupid, you talk down to me. You order me around. I do so much for you and you dont appretiate it. I took in your son. sent you all my money, never cheating, loved you so much. It was never good enough.

We were feeding the pigs one day and i went to get water, you told me. "dont stop and talk to eman, just come right back" i was mad because i never talk to eman. I was thinking just a couple days before that how i never talk to him anymore. You always just want to feed the pigs and leave and not talk to eman or your sister. You got mad at me because i was mad at you. Im not even allowed to be mad anymore i guess. You told me you thought i had a plan to go cheat on you and go to a bar with girls with eman. I never even talk to him. How can you say im making plans with him. Your actually acting crazy and it scares me. So i made sure to be good. I never talked to anyone in public, didnt even look at people. Never smiled, never said hi. I listened to you. I thought i was doing everything right until you got mad at me for not showing enough affection to you. Of course im not, your mean and crazy. i dont know how to act, you might get mad at me for hugging and kissing you for all i know. Besides i was in no mood to kiss you after all the bull**** you put me though. When most girls whould be sad their husband is not showing them affection. you got mad. You were throwing perfume bottles against the wall, flipped a table over, punched a wall. accused me of looking at girls when i was 100% not. I knew better. I could not believe how mad you were over that. Dont look at girls,dont talk to people,dont leave the house, and for the love of god dont forget to hug and kiss me. Even on the night before i left, you said i was gonna cheat on you before i get to the airport. The only time you were nice to me was the day i was leaving. your so nice to me when im not there too.
I gave you so many chances and you just didnt see. Now you will never see me again. This was not my fault, god knows i tried. Your better off alone. I learned my lesson, thank you. Im a better man now. I have learned a lot of things from you, thanks.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I assume you're going back to Canada and divorcing her, true?

Is DJ your biological son or your wife's son?

Have you considered going to Individual Counseling to help yourself get some perspective on this woman, this marriage, how it may have impacted you, how it impacts DJ, how to spot red flags in the future so you can avoid another situation like this one? I hope so! I think it will help you feel better and healthier for new relationships. This was DEFINITELY not a good situation for anyone.


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## my44 (Apr 15, 2012)

Yes, back in canada now and seperating soon. Dj is biological son. I have not looked into counseling and am not looking for a relationship anytime soon, this all happend so fast. Thanks for listening


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