# Does this sound like cheater behavior? I'm really worried.



## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

my husband and I live in an apartment building that has a lot of keys/remotes for elevators. He is constantly losing things and he lost his keys with the remote fob as well. 

He looked everywhere. He had taken the dog out before bed (as I was climbing in bed) and then by the morning (before I got out of bed) he had lost his key.

He looked and looked and eventually said he thought that I took it from him and that i was hiding it — since we had been fighting and he thought maybe I was going to kick him out. (Ridiculous). 

I told him no! Stop blaming me when it was impossible since I was in bed during the time it was lost.

Anyway, that meant i had to take him to his car and through the build ing as he was leaving for work — and he was making me late. He was dropping the dog off too, so I said I would help him carry his things — he had sprained his ankle at the gym the night before.

So, I had noticed he had been a bit quiet during the day over the last couple days, but didnt’ think much of it. He has been stressed with work…and wasn’t texting as he normally does as much.

When he got in his car (with the dog) i started walking back to the elevator (with wet hair headed to get ready fast for work myself). I was already 20 minutes behind. 

He immediately called me and said in a panic that he forgot his iWatch. I said …so? Just get it later tonight. He said he wanted to go get it. I said look…i’ll take my key and go get it…but I’m already late! 

He pulled the car up next to the elevator (illegally parking) and said I’ll go! Sit with the dog! I’ll be right back. I said nooooo I’ll go. This is weird.

I realized that the watch has texts saved in it. I said WHY can’t I go…and WHY can’t you just wait until tonight? He made up some story about how he loves his watch and MUST HAVE It.

He left me sitting there for over 10 minutes in the car with the dog. 

Now — I’m 30 minutes late for work and he comes down and I said I’m very concerned. What are you hiding? He said nothing…and that I was insane… and he doesn’t like my accusations and he won’t tolerate this.

He said I love drama …and there’s something wrong with me..and I just want to cause trouble. 

I said no. I feel very weird about this. WHY did you act this way? He said over and over…that he just loves his watch and that he felt it was faster (despite is hurt ankle?) for HIM to go get his watch. 

Nonsense. I was already near the elevator and he made me sit in the car with the dog.

He has told me repeatedly that this is making him very scared of me and he feels me trying to push him away. He said he thinks I’m doing this because maybe I want to cheat on HIM. 

OMG>>>> NOT TRUE. I haven’t been able to even sleep or hardly sleep over this because I’m wondering what is going on.

He is accurate that he is always with me …no late nights — no strange dinners. I don’t think he’s physically cheating on me… but what is hiding from me? Am I overreacting? Would you think this is weird too?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

can i ask you how old your husband is? i am just wondering if he is having mental capacity issues


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

He's 48. He's mentally just fine.... always forgetful. But not mental issue per say.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Do you have access to the phone records. Anything that raises concerns like this is worth investigating. If you ask to see his phone or watch, will he let you?


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

i don’t have access to his records..it’s in his account…. and he doesn’t show it. 

I think he might give me this stuff… because i have obviously put him on alert now…


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

How long have you two been married?

Has he always been this forgetful? 

How long has he owned the watch? Has he always felt this possessive over it?

Aside from his being quiet the last few days, have there been any other changes to his daily routine, habits, behavior?

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## KaraBoo0723 (Oct 1, 2016)

sarast99 said:


> i don’t have access to his records..it’s in his account…. and he doesn’t show it.
> 
> 
> 
> I think he might give me this stuff… because i have obviously put him on alert now…




If he gives you the physical devices but refuses the account info that would be a red flag for me that there is something he deleted from the devices that would cause suspicion and can still be seen through the account info. If this happens, I would advise to stay quiet (don’t push for account login info) and begin digging — standard evidence post here is a great place to start if you really do want all of the story here. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know from personal experience how devastating these situations can be.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I think you are spot on. He is communicating with some women. And he is projecting his infidelity on to you.
And he is now in the fog, thinking about her, not about where he is, where are his keys, nothing else, else is true.

It is obvious the man cannot multi-task.

Except with women.
...................................................................................
He is in the stutter-bump phase.

When thinking about his fantasy honey, he stutters and tongue flips when asked a question. He is in an infatuated ether.
And he bumps into walls  and loses his stuff, because his mind and his mind's eye are in his underpants', can't wait to see her.

Just Sayin'

exposing the dark corners.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

He has always been this forgetful. This is something that I have seen as a consistent theme. But it was just the fact that he had to go back and get it and wouldn?t allow me to get it made me very suspicious. Couple months ago I did go through a phase where I started going through his phone and he got very angry but he told me it was fine for me to do it? I was suspicious of what was going on for some reason. But I found nothing. He is very religious about deleting things. The reason why I was suspicious because he was super suspicious of me? And I had read that people who Do that are usually doing it themselves. But again at that time I found nothing


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

I don?t believe that he would handover his account information, and honestly I don?t even want to try because it will be just a big war. His level of anger over my accusations and he?s telling me that I am ruining our relationship I think means I need to come down for a bit. It?s so hard because I want to say something I want to hire somebody to go through his devices I want to do something to get answers.

It is possible that he?s just talking bad about me or something to his family or friends. He says he wouldn?t cheat on me and if you wanted another woman he would just go do that and leave me and that?s not the case.

I guess time will tell? It?s agony


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Are you two having sex often? How healthy is your marriage? 

Maybe it would be best if he was cheating and you could walk away...


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## KaraBoo0723 (Oct 1, 2016)

sarast99 said:


> I don?t believe that he would handover his account information, and honestly I don?t even want to try because it will be just a big war. His level of anger over my accusations and he?s telling me that I am ruining our relationship I think means I need to come down for a bit. It?s so hard because I want to say something I want to hire somebody to go through his devices I want to do something to get answers.
> 
> It is possible that he?s just talking bad about me or something to his family or friends. He says he wouldn?t cheat on me and if you wanted another woman he would just go do that and leave me and that?s not the case.
> 
> I guess time will tell? It?s agony




Do not think that the statement 

He says he wouldn?t cheat on me and if you wanted another woman he would just go do that and leave me 

serves as proof that there is no infidelity going on — my XH said that repeatedly and was a serial cheater. Just keep your eyes, ears and mind open to the possibility that he is at least thinking of or actively in an emotional or even physical affair. From what you’ve posted I am seeing several red flags and would caution you that whatever it is in his behavior/actions/words that is making you wonder is catching your attention for a reason.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

Our sex life isn?t as good as it used to be. It?s prob once or twice a week. 

He mentioned recently in sarcasm that i must not like his penis anymore because i haven?t given him a blow job recently. 

Honestly i don?t like doing that but i guess i need to try. 

I just don?t want sex much with him anymore. Mainly because he starts by playing with my Niplles and twisting them a little and it just makes me annoyed. 

I know that?s another thread but is that normal?


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> His level of anger over my accusations and he?s telling me that I am ruining our relationship I think means I need to come down for a bit. It?s so hard because I want to say something I want to hire somebody to go through his devices I want to do something to get answers.y


Two things make me suspicious. 1) His insistence on having the watch under those circumstances (you being late for work), and 2) his angry reaction. This reaction, when an affair is in progress, is called gaslighting. The wayward spouse shifts the blame to betrayed the spouse and makes them feel like the bad guy.

I would keep a close eye on him now, and don't tip your hat that you suspect him of an affair. Observe if he is constantly on his phone or watch or if he out of the house at times he is normally home. Does he work a lot of overtime? Can you account for where he is when he's gone?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@sarast99

How long have you two been married? Long time? 

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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Personally I think anyone who does not freely share all account information with their spouse is hiding something.

No, I absolutely do not believe spouses should ever keep phones or emails or any kind of accounts secret from each other.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

2 years married.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Hmm trust your gut.

If you don't like nipple twisting then for crying out loud tell him.

You don't have to be rude about it . Something along the lines of you know babe I'm not really into nipple play unless its gentle .


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

I think the lost key and the dog walking are completely independent of this. It was quick. 

Also he does not work late or anything. He hates the fact that i often have to work until 6:30 or so on some days. 

He usually works from a coffee shop. But why hide the watch?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

It doesn’t sound like you are very happy with him. A lot of subtle resentment in that opening post. “He’s making me late!” People lose keys. It happens.

I don’t own an Apple Watch, but I know I would feel lost without my phone. Granted a watch and phone are two different things. But I can understand why he wouldn’t want to be without it all day. Now, insisting he retrieve it himself is certainly a red flag and should be investigated. You both should have reasonable access to one another’s devices and accounts.

Is this your and his first marriage? Any history of infidelity for either of you?

You don’t sound very happy, and you are only two years into this marriage. You don’t like to have sex with him, particularly blow jobs and nipple play. That’s fine, different strokes for different folks. You also mention a fight that was so bad he feared you kicking him out of the home. What was that about? I just have to wonder if you are looking for an exit plan?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

sarast99 said:


> i don’t have access to his records..it’s in his account…. and he doesn’t show it.


Why the heck not? You're in a committed relationship. There should be NO problem with him showing anything you ask to see.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

You don't like doing certain sexual things to him (oral). You don't like it when he does certain things to you (nipple play). You admit to not enjoying sex with him. He's acting suspicious and hiding things. You've only been married two years. 

None of this is good.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

dadstartingover said:


> You don't like doing certain sexual things to him (oral). You don't like it when he does certain things to you (nipple play). You admit to not enjoying sex with him. He's acting suspicious and hiding things. You've only been married two years.
> 
> 
> 
> None of this is good.




Some honeymoon, eh?


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

Yes I enjoy sex with him but not when he acts mean etc. he seems to think it?s ok to yell or insult me and then expect me to throw myself at him an hour later. 

I think that?s where some of my resentment comes from. 

Also, he stares at very young women when we are out and I think it?s made me self conscious and feeling less desirable. 

I know all of this feeds into the issue. I am trying to get myself together and pretend/act like we are dating again ... but it?s hard because i am worried that I?ll make this effort again and find that he is just going to leave me. 

Does that make sense?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@sarast99, 

Your husband is obviously hiding something. What that something is, is unknown to you at this time. In order to figure out what he's been deleting then you're going to have to get access to his cellphone and use text recovery software to download his deleted texts. Dr. Fone seems to be a commonly recommended software for that task. You can ask @GusPolinski for help with this.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

Thank you! That would be amazing! I will research that. I just know he is very aware of his devices. Clearly, i won?t be able to get access alone for more than maybe a time when he is in the bathroom


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## KaraBoo0723 (Oct 1, 2016)

sarast99 said:


> Thank you! That would be amazing! I will research that. I just know he is very aware of his devices. Clearly, i won?t be able to get access alone for more than maybe a time when he is in the bathroom




One of the best times may be when he is in the shower or asleep — in my family phones generally have replaced bathroom magazine racks and if he is wearing his watch in the bathroom then he may realize that his phone is being accessed.


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