# FB, pics of ex's, and baby daddy crap..short and sweet



## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Ok quick thoughts if any... My GF has a tagged pic of herself standing next to a "friend" she later admitted was a guy she briefly dated on her FB page ,it's always bothered me and I told her that but she refuse to deleted it, it makes me feel like she wants him to know she still cares since he's tagged as well, it bothered me that she knows I hate it but won't untag herself. She also has a lot of local men on her friend list but says none are ex's, it didn't bother me because she use to have a pic of us kissing as her profile pic but she recently change it to a pic of her daughter after a 1&1/2 years. I feel like she's trying a lot less to advertise she's in a relationship. I hate FB I deleted mine but she keeps hers , i spy in her inbox which she knows I do and noticed a guy saying " hiHMU" but she didn't respond or deleted her response.
She also has a old camera that has pics of her with BD on it ,she says she feels nothing for him but refuses to delete these pics or says she doesn't have time and it doesn't mean anything, she also keeps saying she needs to take him to court for child support and custody adjustments but keeps finding reasons to procrastinate ,it makes me feel like she doesn't wanna burn bridges with him. We have lived together a year now and her ,her 5yo and I have grown very close like a real family. she constantly "swears" she is in love with me, but these issues leave so much doubt and dispair in my head I just don't know...am I making too much of little things or is this shady behavior?
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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> am I making too much of little things or is this shady behavior?


 If you were in a real committed relationship it would defiantly be considered shady behavior. No matter what she says, she does not view this as a committed relationship. It has only been a year so maybe things will change with her with more time, but do not marry her unless they do change.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Thank you for the reply 
she always talks about us getting married and having kids..don't know how you can live under the same roof and sleep in the same bed with someone for a year and not consider that a committed relationship but I guess anythings possible.
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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Why don't you talk about it, tell her what makes you uncomfortable, and then set some ground rules.

Her reaction to your conversation, and more importantly, the resulting behavior will tell you how she feels about your relationship. If after a year she doesn't want to commit, I wouldn't waste any more time, especially if she was all googly up front but now doesn't seem as interested.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

I try not to bring up these things too much to her, she gets offended and says I doubt her and don't trust her. I have told her in the past I don't like her keeping pics of ex's and she knows it bothers me but she just blows it off. She says shes " in love with me and would never cheat" says she feels nothing for anyone but me and that there just pictures they don't mean anything. I don't know if she's just inconsiderate or if it's something worse. Our relationship is mostly loving and positive, shes very affectionate to me, im just tired of my mind being filled with doubt, just don't know if it's real or insecurity.
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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If you don't feel that you can discuss these things with her, then you have two choices. Accept her the way she is. Or move on. Because you can't change her.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

franklinfx said:


> *I try not to bring up these things too much to her*, she gets offended and says I doubt her and don't trust her. I have told her in the past I don't like her keeping pics of ex's and she knows it bothers me but she just blows it off. She says shes " in love with me and would never cheat" says she feels nothing for anyone but me and that there just pictures they don't mean anything. I don't know if she's just inconsiderate or if it's something worse. Our relationship is mostly loving and positive, shes very affectionate to me, im just tired of my mind being filled with doubt, just don't know if it's real or insecurity.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This sounds a little codependent.

You're altering your behavior and bottling up your concerns based on how you think she might react.

That she gets offended and defensive when you ask her questions isn't a good thing. And also, it's completely disrespectful that you share what bothers you, and she dismisses you. It's not healthy. And it's not up to you to deny who you are so that she doesn't get miffed.

Ask your questions. Have standards and set boundaries. Create the relationship that makes you feel secure, and if she doesn't stay, that's her choice.

I can tell you with no hesitation that if a man I respected and loved told me that an action or behavior of mine bothered him, I'd take his concerns very seriously.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I am going against the grain here, but hell yes, you're overreacting! 

On the FB pic... So what if she changed it to a photo of her daughter? I doubt you complained that she wasn't "advertising" enough that she was a mother! Do you honestly think YOU should replace her daughter? For pete's sake, guy, it's Facebook - and she doesn't have an obligation to "advertise" her relationship to begin with! I'd be straight up offended if a man said this to me. 

As far as the other pictures with men. Big deal! If she lied about dating the guy briefly, that'd be a red flag, but otherwise, who cares? I have photos on mine of men I dated and who I still consider friendly acquaintances, and my husband and I are very attached. I would never do anything to harm him, but he wouldn't do anything to harm me, either, like expecting me to act like I did not have a life with friends before him. All of your lady's experiences have made her who she is today - the woman you love. Let her be that. 

It sounds to me like you feel threatened by her past. Let the photos slide. Don't give it so much power over how you feel if she's not doing things that really are shady - like e-mailing other men, lying to you, etc. She lets you cruise her inbox. This is NOT sounding shady to me!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Pics aside. Ex BD aside. What this all sounds like to me is you feel like she's not invested in this relationship as much as you are. What doesn't make sense is her behavior toward you... she's loving and caring and 90% of what you say about her says she's in love and committed to you. 

That 10% you feel she's not is going to ruin your relationship. Is that what you want? If you keep behaving like a jealous beast it will serve to push her away from you, not bring you closer. She heard you when you said you don't like pics of ex's loud and clear. The difference is SHE does not share your feelings and she's not going to be changing her mind just because you have issues. Either you can respect her views (though you don't agree) or you can fight her on it and keep driving her away from you. Stuff like this is unattractive in a man. 

You have what you want with her and a good relationship, so stop screwing it up.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

So confused, I agree with everyone so far just don't know which path to take ... Be true to me or push her away... Either way I'm not happy .. It's easy to tell someone to not let something bother them but everyone has their issues ... I know I would change anything that made her feel disrespected or uncomfortable whether I agreed with it or not...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It's understandable that she would want to keep pictures of her and her daughter's father. Her daughter might want to see the pics one day.

As to pics of her other past boyfriends, not so much. They obviously mean something or she wouldn't keep them. The dismissing your concerns with protestations of her faithfulness is rather funny (to me) and meant to divert attention from the fact that she is going to do whatever she wants and you can lump it.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> So confused, I agree with everyone so far just don't know which path to take ... Be true to me or push her away... Either way I'm not happy .. It's easy to tell someone to not let something bother them but everyone has their issues ... I know I would change anything that made her feel disrespected or uncomfortable whether I agreed with it or not...


Easy or not, what choices do you have? She's not you. She doesn't think like you do about it. She's not willing to pacify you either. People like to look for the easy way to do things and life just isn't set up that way. This is your moment to make a choice that either will send her away, or your acceptance of her stance.

What will it be? She's not going to throw anything out. So now what?


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

well I feel like a big knob right now I just looked at her FB and apparently she untagged herself sometime today or yesterday cause its not there anymore. The fact that she did that on her own means alot to me. I was gonna text her too and demand she remove it glad I didnt. I guess maybe I make more out of things than I need to, I need to focus more on the positive and not dwell on the negative. 

Just to clarify a few things, I would never ask her to put me before her daughter, I never even wanted to be on FB I had an old account I never used and only started using it to comment on all the pics of us she was posting of when we started dating. When she changed her profl pic of us after all that time it kinda bummed me out.

I also dont care about pics of her daughter and her father but the ones of just her and him bug me even though I dont think shes even used that camera in years.

She also has done alot to change certain things that Ive said bothered me in the past I guess I just expect too much sometimes because I feel I support her(emotionally) and treat her good I deserve more consideration.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

More consideration than she already gives? What more could you want? Blood?

Seriously, this is YOUR issue. Either you can let it implode a good thing or check yourself before you go flying off a handle. Look at the big picture. Sometimes the little things can be made into big things and it will cause resentments and hurt feelings to fester. You don't want that. The big picture is that you are in a loving relationship and you share a great life together. Why nag it to death over some pics on FB? It's not that important. And now she's even shown you it's not that important to her.

Let go and enjoy what you have.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok the baby daddy thing is different since she and he and the baby are family. The ex... yeah I think anyone would kinda be upset their new piece was tagging pics of them with their ex.

But CoGuy nailed this. He's right. Have an honest conversation with her about how you feel, what your boundaries are and go from there.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> She also has done alot to change certain things that Ive said bothered me in the past I guess I just expect too much sometimes because I feel I support her(emotionally) and treat her good I deserve more consideration.


 Do not regret being open about your feelings with her. You have a right to have them, just like she has a right to have them. It is important that you set your boundaries now before you get married, and talking about it now is the only way to do this.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Well, you can be sure to create a self-fulfilling prophecy if you continue to make an issue out of something after she has told you she is committed to you, and after she has demonstrated that time and again in her behavior to and with you. 

Do you realize you are simply acting like a teen-ager saying, "Prove you love me by doing this, that, and the other?" 

FB is only what each individual makes of it. Yes, some people look up old flames and it leads to an affair. This is a tiny percent of what FB gets used for. Honestly, if you don't trust her then you should NOT be considering marriage and kids--and it is clear you do NOT trust her. But what has she actually done, other than keep old pics, which is not an action, but is simply a lack of action ( ie, she hasn't gone out and sought new pics with old bfs). She cannot erase her past, the pics are part of her life, no one is even going to be looking at them except for rare occasions, and you are reading 'way too much into the fact that she won't give in to your insecurities. 

If someone was keeping pics of themselves and old flames on shelves or walls in the home, we would all think that is odd. But if you consider all the garbage on FB we all put there, what does it mean to have a few old pictures that she is not actively deleting? Does she re-post them with captions like, "wow, those were the best times of my life!" Of course not. Maybe she just really likes the way SHE looks in those pics (I have one with an old b.f. like that and I wouldn't get rid of it for the world, because my legs look they should be insured for $10 milllion and the guy in it is irrelevant!)

So back off. Either trust her and work on your insecurities, or decide she isn't trustworthy, and leave. You know her; we don't. Her behavior as you describe it is simply refusing to be pushed around as a way of "proving her commitment to you." It's not what she is DOING that bothers you, it is something she refuses to do. She's not behaving in any way that justifies your concerns. I hope you can understand the difference.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> Ok the baby daddy thing is different since she and he and the baby are family. The ex... yeah I think anyone would kinda be upset their new piece was tagging pics of them with their ex.


 Thanks for the reply but I beg to differ, my GF is not part of her BD's family, her daughter is, They were never even married and he didnt even meet his daughter till she was 1, she doesnt even have his last name hes simply a ex BF that didnt wear a condom and got tracked down for CS. (they later got together a couple times but only briefly) 

and someone else tagged my GF (not "my piece") and this guy in a pic long before we met she just never untagged herself until now.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> I try not to bring up these things too much to her, she gets offended and says I doubt her and don't trust her. I have told her in the past I don't like her keeping pics of ex's and she knows it bothers me but she just blows it off.


This is insanely telling of your relationship to come.

You need to sack up and let her know how you feel, and don't be a "little b*tch" about it either. If something bothers you it bothers you. Speak up about it and take action based on your feelings instead of just accepting something that affects you.

The biggest evil that women have pulled on men is put in this fear that we become "too controlling." When you start worrying about that, you've reached doormat status. Welcome to a life of moving boundaries, passive aggression, and being treated like a 3rd class citizen.

You have no bigger responsibility in a relationship than to let people know how you feel. It is their decision on how to react to that, and how they react to that will show you a lot about where you stand. What kind of relationship can you have with a person if when you bring up that this stuff bothers them, they tell you to suck it up and don't do anything about it? That doesn't show care or concern for your feelings....screw that.

The best way to ensure you are healthy is making sure you have a good sense of self worth and aren't putting all of your emotional health into one person. Make sure you have time laid out for yourself, doing man stuff, with man friends. They will keep you grounded and ensure that you aren't getting taken advantage of.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Hey, Franklin, if you're living with her, then I assume that
1) you are turning down the opportunity to date other women
2) you account for your time with your SO
3) the two of you negotiate how to spend the holidays, that hot ski trip over Christmas be damned, you have to spend it humoring her passive -aggressive brother over Christmas dinner.....

in other words, all these other men are not making the same sacrifice that you are........

I asked my (future) fiance to detag himself from his "just a friend" ex. I guess I did it at good timing, he did it immediately.

Have a look at these threads that deal with OSFs / inappropriate relationships / EA and decide what you will accept in your relationship. Prepare yourself for the spector that she may say STFU, decide for yourself what your boundaries will be in the LTR that you are looking for.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

franklinfx said:


> I just looked at her FB and apparently she untagged herself sometime today or yesterday cause its not there anymore. The fact that she did that on her own means alot to me.


Reward her.


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