# is it too late to continue a marriage after divorce papers are filed?



## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

hi all it has been some time since i posted here i was served papers just yesterday. and i wanted to know from everyones opion is it too late to reconcile after papers have been filed or is it just to far gone at that point?


CPT


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

If they havent been signed! Are you guys pulling through?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Do you mean legally? Once papers are filed and signed, you are still married until you go to court so if you decide to reconcile, you don't have to follow through with the divorce.

Sorry to hear she served the papers--It must have been a difficult day for you.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'd say it's never too late up until the judge grants the final decree. But, ask your lawyer.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Its not too late from a legal standpoint but, I think if you were just served her intentions are pretty clear. I feel for you but now you can move on. I know it has been quite a struggle for you. At least now you know where you two stand. Hang in there!!


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well mommy i question this because i dont want to see my son go through the same thing i did as a child i came from a broken marriege my parenets divorced when i was 14 im 34 now and i have never fully gotten over this i just dont want my son go through the same thing it tears me up inside knowing that things could be okay with my marraige if it was given a chance


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya I hear ya you know look at all the people that have been married 20 plus 30 plus years alot of them have been through this stuff. Dragged through the mudd and back and they are strong. Its getting through the mud first thats the hard part. You guys should see a counsoler!


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well sun i hear ya but soetimes its easier said than done. my wife sufers from having alot of negative influance as of late which makes it very difficult to deal with the situation.the way she speaks to me lets me know she doesnt want this to end she just thinks due to everyone elses negative vibe that this is the only way to go she will never admit that but i see it clearly as the light of a new day

CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

she refuses consouling and told me the other day that she filed on friday due to the fact i got stuck in the snow and i couldnt get my son from school on time i was 10 mins late and it was out of my control but that was the excuse for filling the paperwork when i asked her now that doesnt make very much sence to me at all?


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## Kbobby (Feb 5, 2009)

Hi

2 issues to consider here:

1. Legal issues - It depends on the law of where you are in now. But this should be able to resolve if both of you have worked it out to stay on... COntacting your lawyer would be the best way to understand more

2. Actual Marriage - Have both of you talk it out and agree to stick together? Great. Love is beyond papers, so if both of you are truly going to stay together, work on the love for each other and then get your lawyer to help in point 1...

KBobby
yup2life.com


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

as of right now bobby this is a one sided battle as it has been since the day she left i have been fighting like a champ to save my marraige but she is so scared shes doesnt want to put any effort into it i feel like im smacking my prick between two bricks as of late ive tried so hard to make things work but shes not giving me any room to show her i can change things everytime something good comes about i get thats okay you will just go back to the same way it was before i also get if you really loved me why did it take me leaving you to vhange these things? this is an email i sent the other day acutauly ill post two emails i sent yeet i have gotten no response as of late


forgot to metion the other thing that is casuing a problem she still heavily involved in an affair at this currant time and lives with very influanced people that give her bad advice




just wanted to let you know i was just thinking about you and riguy. hope everything is okay with you guys and i hope you are feeling better soon. tell riguy i love him and miss him very much i think about him and you all the time when he is not here with me. i miss not having him here the nights he isnt. and just thinking about the wonderful things he is doing. he is such a big boy now and im so proud of him as i know you are also hes growing up so fast! i walk by his bed sometimes at night hoping to see him lying there so i can check on him to see how he is doing. i also miss his smile when i dont have a chance to see him some days. he lights my world up everytime i see him. his little smile melts me like no tomrrow. i cant wait to see him today so i can spend some time with him again. hope you are feeling better and i will talk with you soon.get some rest and if you ever need anything know im here for you! goodnight for now


and this one was sent before i found out i was being served papers

hi al im not here writing this to try to start a fight. im just asking that we please get a chance to sit down and talk. i will not fight with you or argue. ive had enough fighting and arguing at this point. i know i was wrong on so many levels. and im responsible for that. as far as finances go if we sat down together and you showed me how you do things instead of me doing them my way. that would help the situation. some people are going to be better at some things than others. it has taken me a long time to realize that. im better at fixing computers. you are better with saving money. just goes to show how ignorant i can be sometimes. im not asking to be right cause god knows i have been wrong on many levels more than once and it took you leaving me to figure this out, and i know it shouldnt have taken that long.i know you must have felt so alone and unloved on many levels for the way i chose to do things.I felt so unsecure of our financial future and unsure of my ability as a provider that I put work before our relationship…before us….before our family. I totally left you alone to fend for yourself emotionally. I feel so much pain and feel so guilty that I was responsible for you feeling all alone. I feel so lonely now too. My insecurity has caused the loss of my best friend, my lover and my wife. Alischa, I know there are no words that can make up for the loneliness I caused. While I pray for your forgiveness I do not and can not expect it. I am truly sorry.please consider sitting and talking with me tomarrow. thanks for reading this.

but yet i call her and we talk about things she still allows me the chance to voice my opion and she has even told me knowing im trying to fix our marrige i will call you right back why on earth if her mind is made up would she allow the phone conversations to continue knowing what my motive is? why not just hang up the phone? she doesnt do that though she listens sometimes for a very good amount of time. doesnt seem to me she wants to let go just cant find the way past the hurt right now to reconcile


CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

i know im going to blasted by some for continuing this relationship with my wife i fully understand whats going on and am really ready to except the chips no matter how they fall divorce or not i have moved on and am doing great in my new life with my son. my problem is i am one stubborn italian SOB and have never given up on anything in my life very easily i have always fought till the end on anything thats why im so strong indipedantly in my life i know i dont need my wife in my life and i will do just great without her and i accepted that months ago. i just dont give up very easily about anything ive been through alot in my life and that has what made me as strong as i am. so against the advice of many in the forum i will continue until one of two things happens im dead or the divorce is final. thats just me. please dont think im trying to not listen to anyones advice or that im being disrespectful to anyone. but im just me the way that i am. and i cant change that part of me. i made a promise to myself and my wife and family that i would do everything possible to make this work at no matter what the cost my senility included. i just keep trucking along hoping someday that my wife will see the love i have for her. shes very clouded and confused about alot and having a boyfriend doesnt help the situation one bit . but she always tells me how happy she is sounds like to me shes not very happy at all honestly because she treats this guy like dog **** and i know this for a fact shes very angry about alot of things right now and sooner or later when this guy wakes up hes going to be gone . i pray for her and wish her the best in life and i do hope she finds happiness i want nothing but the best for her.



CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

okay so i called my wife today told her i would go through with the divorce if thats what she wanted told her i would always love her wished her the best and told her that i hope she finds someone to take care of her that treats her good and hung up the phone lol i had my son call her after school to say hi to her and now she wont talk to me at all wtf??? what gives arent i given her what she claims she wants? why the ****en cold shoulder all of a sudden am i not supposed to understand is that it? she fights me about the divorce i tell her i respect her feeling and will give her one. now she wont talk to me at all? doesnt sound like someone that wants a damn divorce to me!



CPT


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

hey, tell her she still has time to abort the mission. and tell her you're going to fight as hard FOR the relationship as you can.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hey CPT, I know how hard it is to think of your son going through what you did when your parents divorced. My kids were 8, 5, 3. My eldest (going on 19 now) had the toughest time as I'm sure you did being the age you were. My youngest does not even remember her dad and I ever together (sad to hear her say that but I'm glad she adjusted just fine). For younger children, as long as both parents love them, spend time with them, get along with each other in front of them, they really can do just fine. I would say your son's biggest adjustment would have been when you separated, as the change in routine can be difficult for autistic kids.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

i hear all of you guys and thanks for the support.how do i respond to her lateset outburst by giving her what she wants? she ****ing freaked on me bigtime now wont talk to me at all how do i respond to that? i thought i was justifing her feelings and giving her what she asked for? now she shut me out completly that just seems very very odd to me it really doesnt sound like she got her head screwed on straight right now


CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

voi saw this link you posted sounds like my wife to a t

Did you know that of the over one million marriages that will end in divorce this year, two thirds to three quarters of those divorces will be filed for by women? What is this so-called, "Walkaway Wife" syndrome all about?
In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers. They carefully monitor their relationships to make sure there is enough closeness and connection. If not, women will do what they can to try to fix things. If their husbands aren't responsive, women become extremely unhappy and start complaining about everything under the sun...things that need to get done around the house, responsibilities pertaining to the children, how free time is spent and so on. Unfortunately, when women complain, men generally retreat and the marriage deteriorates even more.
After years of trying unsuccessfully to improve things, a woman eventually surrenders and convinces herself that change isn't possible. She ends up believing there's absolutely nothing she can do because everything she's tried hasn't worked. That's when she begins to carefully map out the logistics of what she considers to be the inevitable, getting a divorce.
While she's planning her escape, she no longer tries to improve her relationship or modify her partner's behavior in any way. She resigns herself to living in silent desperation until "D Day." Unfortunately, her husband views his wife's silence as an indication that "everything is fine." After all, the "nagging" has ceased. That's why, when she finally breaks the news of the impending divorce, her shell-shocked partner replies, "I had no idea you were unhappy."
Then, even when her husband undergoes real and lasting changes, it's often too late. The same impenetrable wall that for years shielded her from pain, now prevents her from truly recognizing his genuine willingness to change. The relationship is in the danger zone.
If you are a woman who fits this description, please don't give up. I have seen so many men make amazing changes once they truly understand how unhappy their wives have been. Sometimes men are slow to catch on, but when they do, their determination to turn things around can be astounding. I have seen many couples strengthen their marriages successfully even though it seemed an impossible feat. Give your husband another chance. Let him prove to you that things can be different. Keep your family together. Divorce is not a simple answer. It causes unimaginable pain and suffering. It takes an enormous amount of energy to face each day. Why not take this energy and learn some new skills and make your marriage what you've wanted it to be for so long?
If you're a man reading this and your wife has been complaining or nagging, thank her. It means she still cares about you and your marriage. She's working hard to make your love stronger. Spend time with her. Talk to her. Compliment her. Pay attention. Take her seriously. Show her that she's the most important thing in the world to you.
Perhaps your wife is no longer open to your advances because she's a soon-to-be walkaway wife. If so, read the posts on the open messageboard. Don't crowd her. Don't push. Be patient. If you demonstrate you can change and she still has eyes...and a heart, you might just convince her to give your marriage another try.
© 2004 Michele Weiner-Davis. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of Michele Weiner-Davis.



kinda slams things right into perspective


CPT


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

You could send her a note (or call her on the phone) saying you will sign the papers on (choose the date here). She has until that date to reconsider and start working with you on repairing things. Otherwise, once you sign, it's a done deal. I don't know that continuing to talk about things (or try to, since she isn't listening) is getting you anywhere.

Alternately, you could NOT sign the papers, and then things pretty much are status quo until someone gives in.

I commend you for sticking it out, and I hope things resolve soon, for you sake, and your son's.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

oh i hear ya i wont sign the ****ing thing till im dead.i dont give up at all! just because she sent it doesnt mean im goingn to sign it!


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

CPT CONFUSED said:


> oh i hear ya i wont sign the ****ing thing till im dead.i dont give up at all! just because she sent it doesnt mean im goingn to sign it!


That's probably what she's counting on. Didn't you say you told her on the phone that you would give her what she wanted, which looks like a divorce, since she served papers? And when you told her that, she stopped talking to you or answering the phone? She's playing games...I think she doesn't expect you to do anything, so she's in control.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well if i do sign it dont i pretty much **** myself and my marriage?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

CPT CONFUSED said:


> well if i do sign it dont i pretty much **** myself and my marriage?


i don't know...i think where i'm from, the judge can issue a ruling with or without signatures.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well i found out a little more information yesterday.i had called to talk to my son because he hadn't been feeling very well his was sick with the stomach bug.i had got to talking with my wife as i was reading over the divorce papers she had sent to me,and a little light bulb went off in my head. i was finally able to figure out when our marriage started to go south. as i read the papers it asked when did you start to notice that problems in your marriage. she had stated in june of 2007. well in june of 2007 my great grandmother became unable to care for her home and property. me and my older brother had got to talking and had agreed that we had wanted to preserve our grandmothers property and history due to the fact my great grandfather had hand built the house by himself in 1934. being that it had two houses on the property we thought it might be a good idea to move both our familes to this property. due to the fact my grandmother had said we would be able to aquire the homes and the land through her will. now mind you im a carpenter by trade and tend to take on huge projects sometimes i have a fault where i like to think bigger than i should sometimes. now keep in mind a house that was built in 1934 is no hollywood hills manshion in 2008 and yes the houses needed a extreme overhaul and i do mean extreme.we spoke to our significant other about what we had considered and it seem like mine and his wife were on board. we stated our case that we wanted to live here out of respect for our grandmother and to preserve some of our family history.we also explained we would be able to live rent and mortgage free. only paying land taxes it had a huge yard on over an acre and a half of land so there was plenty of room for the kids to run and play and we wouldnt have to worry about them running into the street to get hurt. yes we are all from the big city and the house would be a huge change due to the fact it was in the country. so there would be some major ajustting to the situation. well we all moved and that was just the begging of what opened pandoras box. my brother and myself were constantly fixing everything form day to day ripping the roof of the houses,fixing toilets,sinks, heaters you name it! my wife had gotten very frusterated about the situation.and it began to show i would work all day come home be tired as all hell due to the fact that im an assistant manager for a very large retail chain. and my job is long hours and very taxing on my stress level sometimes.i would come home and something else would need to be fixed. we went on like this for over a year and a half my wife displaying her disaprovel about the state of the house and when things were going to start comming together.well you factor in all the **** breaking the stress from my job.not having things move along as quickly as we had wanted it casued a rift in our mariage and we began to fight about everything. i became detached from her and started spending more time in the house by myself only half listening when she spoke to me about certain things and only hearing what i wanted to hear sometimes.it put a major toll on our relationship.we grew father and farther apart i neglected to realize then what i know now she became numb to the entire situation and because i was so used to fighting about everything at that point i would avoid confrotation with her at no matter what the cost.so when the fighting did stop i had thought that great maybe shes on board and has adjusted to the situation boy was i so ****ing wrong. she became complacent with it because she just didnt give a **** about anything anymore and had tried so hard to get through to me on so many levels i just wasnt listening. we spoke for almost 3 hours yesterday and she told me how unhappy she was about everything. that had happened. and she feels i never listened to her and heared her when she tried to tell me she never wanted to move in the first place. well because she had been silent back then also when we first spoke about the investment i assumed that she was onboard back than also.wrong again! how could i be so silly to think that because my wife would not or could not express herself more than likely cus she didnt want to hurt my feelings that that was okay for us to make this venture. i konw now how huge an impact this was on our marriage. but what im trying to understand now that we have put this out onto the table is it really too late to save our marriage. ive leared the the oppisite of love is not hate its indifferance. she is still talking to me about major issues not totaly blowing me off and i do think we are getting somewhere when we talk about things. my question to you guys is that why if everything is over in her eyes would these thingd be brought to the table now? i think the space of the seperation may have given us new found respect for each other and a honest channel to be able to open up to each other again.im going to quote something i heard once somewhere...and by doing so mean no dissrespect to the ladies on these boards.. someone once said believe nothing a woman tells you all the time....and beleive how they act all the time.. or something to that nature.see the reason i bring that quote up is that what she is saying is one thing. but continuing to harbor coversations about things is another. that why it confuses me so much just so you guys know the house is no longer in play we have since sold the house since we seperated and i moved into an apartment.it concerns me because if you truly didnt want to be married to someone wouldnt these things being brought up be out of spec for the situation now at hand?you would just want to stamp out the horrid details of divorce and that would be the end am i reading into this too much? or am i too believe that there is a chance here? ive come to relize that my wife doesnt love this guy hes just a band aid to fill the void hell clown even looks very much like myself. i know my wife is a very emotionaly charged person do i continue to try to break ground with her and understand her or just back off? i dont want her too get the impression i dont care i mean i do know the error of my ways now and if i truly didnt want to make things right i would have cashed the chips in long time ago i mean its been 5 months since she left and it also took her this long to file am i wrong to think there is still hope here?




CPT


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Cpt. There is a lot of water under that bridge. Have you asked her any of these questions.

Do you love him, or was he just an escape?
Is this man you are with, going to love you the rest of his life?
Why are you bringing this up now as our divorce is pending?
Now that the house has been resolved and is no longer at the center of our problem. Do you look at things differently?
I know I do.

*This is going to be the hard question Cpt. So her goes.

By the length of our talk, how much better we communicated, and that we are coming down to the end of our marriage. Are you setting me free from loving you, and saying that I should now find another to love? Or is there any love for me remaining in you that I should base any hope of the future on? These are all yes or no questions.This is the last time I will ever approach the question of reconciliation with you.*

Cpt. You know my opinion on your situation from the past. It has not changed. I believe that the possibility of losing your love was always the best motivator. And that may be finally proved out. You never wanted to risk it, when it could have made all the difference. This looks like it could be the last chance.

I asked the questions about the other man (not attacking him) but trying to make your wife think about the future. A future without you. You never gave her the ultimatum or made her think that your love for her will end. So she operated in an environment that cost her nothing. Are you ready to put a price tag on your love now? Or will you continue to allow her to make all the decisions and finally end any hope for a life together?


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

im ready to do whatever it takes


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

So then call her or ask her to lunch. You are not needy. You are happy and confident. And are looking forward to tomorrow. You are coming to her on equal terms. You are giving her the thinnest chance of reconciling (but you are not telling her that). Tell her she has helped you to learn a great deal about what real love is, what a woman's needs are, and that you fell woefully short in those areas. It has been a hard lesson. Thank her for the good years.  Tell here the next chapter of your life and love, whether it is with her or someone else will be completely different. The rest is up to her. You need to leave it on good terms for the kids sake. You are not trying to influence her other then to tell her you do love her. And that you wish her all the best whatever her choices are. And if she ever needs you. You will be there for her.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

funny you would say this right after i erad your last post she called and invited me out to lunch with our son. i accepted and before reading this post actually said something very similar to this about wishing her the best of luck that i would always love her that i know know i feel short in alot of areas and that i would be a better person wether i was with her or someone else.and i let her know i would always be there if she needed me holy crap i feel like i gained ESP as a sixth sense.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

No esp. You just spoke out of love and not need. You cut through all your selfishness, and your desire for control. You, for the first time (or at least what you have posted here) were looking at her not as a possession or the object of your love, but as a person who deserves to be happy. Not someone you can MAKE happy. But someone you can be happy with. I would wager that the person she spoke to on the phone is someone she has never met, or someone she has not seen in a very long time. In my estimation (and do not hold me to this), she could be having her first serious doubt about the direction she is going. BUT do not count on it. I think the questions regarding the other man should still be asked. Not out of control, but out of concern. * WRITE HER A LETTER. THIS PART IS CRITICAL. TELL HER THAT YOU HAVE HAD AN EPIPHANY AND THAT THE LOVE YOU HAD FOR HER WAS SELFISH. A LOVE THAT TREATED HER MORE LIKE A POSSESSION, THEN A PERSON. APOLOGIZE AND SAY "I HAVE TREATED YOU LIKE PROJECT AND NOT A PARTNER. AT EVERY TURN IN OUR MARRIAGE I HAVE LET YOU DOWN. I HAVE TAKEN A HARD LOOK AT MYSELF AND COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT I HAVE NO BUSINESS TELLING ANYONE WHAT TO DO. I ALIENATED EVERYONE WHO I HAVE LOVED AND BASICALLY COMPLETELY SCREWED UP MY LIFE. IF ONE THING WAS ACCOMPLISHED BY YOU LEAVING, IT REQUIRED ME TO DEAL WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR. I HAVE TAKEN A HARD LOOK AT HIM AND AFTER SEEING HIM AS HE IS, I WONDER WHY YOU STAYED SO LONG. I AM SURE YOU KNEW HIM FAR BETTER THEN I. I HAVE COMMITTED TO TAKING A HAMMER TO THAT MIRROR, TO SHATTER WHO IT WAS AND TO PUT THE PIECES BACK TOGETHER RIGHT. SO THAT THE MAN I SEE IN THE MIRROR IS THE MAN I SHOULD BE. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU SEE A PIECE LYING AROUND THAT YOU THINK MIGHT FIT, THAT YOU LET ME KNOW, AND MAYBE HELP ME PUT IT INTO PLACE. THANK YOU. *


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

okay guys pick this apart and tell me whats going on this is a conversation between myslef and my wife from this morning would love feedback on this..........

djjester741 (9:40:15 AM): hey
Saasheblonde69 (9:40:23 AM): give me one second
djjester741 (9:40:35 AM): k
Saasheblonde69 (9:41:21 AM): ok
Saasheblonde69 (9:41:26 AM): just read your email
djjester741 (9:41:30 AM): k
djjester741 (9:41:36 AM): thank you for reading it
Saasheblonde69 (9:41:49 AM): yup
Saasheblonde69 (9:42:00 AM): grr.. brb, the cat is crying for her food
djjester741 (9:42:07 AM): k
Saasheblonde69 (9:44:41 AM): ok
Saasheblonde69 (9:44:43 AM): found rileys hat
djjester741 (9:44:49 AM): cool
Saasheblonde69 (9:44:52 AM): it was behind the cat food container in my room
djjester741 (9:44:55 AM): little late now lol
Saasheblonde69 (9:44:58 AM): he musta hid it there cause he doesnt like it
djjester741 (9:45:02 AM): lol
Saasheblonde69 (9:45:16 AM): oh well.. for tomorrow
Saasheblonde69 (9:45:21 AM): and i'll bring it with me tonight, if i remember it
djjester741 (9:46:02 AM): im really hoping your not angry with me personally for this morning and the way i acted its so hard not knowing what im doing right and wrong right now and i ask you to please take that into consideration
djjester741 (9:46:15 AM): cool the hat is what he needs so he doesnt get sick
Saasheblonde69 (9:47:07 AM): umm, not mad at you for that..
Saasheblonde69 (9:47:07 AM): just so you know
djjester741 (9:47:28 AM): hes going to be so mad when he gets here today he wont be able to watch oobi tonight
djjester741 (9:47:52 AM): tv **** the bed lol
Saasheblonde69 (9:48:00 AM): the big one?
djjester741 (9:48:05 AM): yup
Saasheblonde69 (9:48:10 AM): what happened to it?
djjester741 (9:48:17 AM): dont know
djjester741 (9:48:28 AM): what was it your were trrying to say to me sorry
Saasheblonde69 (9:48:44 AM): i said what i needed to say
Saasheblonde69 (9:48:45 AM): thats all
Saasheblonde69 (9:49:08 AM): 'cept that now i gotta pay an extra 20 bucks almost for something i was going to get from walmart.comSaasheblonde69 (9:49:08 AM): oh well
djjester741 (9:49:56 AM): well al you do know that would have been the way eventually anyway correct?
djjester741 (9:50:09 AM): and if you want to order something you can use it 
djjester741 (9:50:35 AM): im sorry for comming across like a prick im just really hurt by everything right now
Saasheblonde69 (9:50:49 AM): what would have been the way?
Saasheblonde69 (9:50:49 AM): yeah, i am too
djjester741 (9:50:57 AM): i know you are
djjester741 (9:51:20 AM): im sorry that its so hard for us to talk to each other i never wanted it to be this way
djjester741 (9:51:54 AM): you can tell me what you want and ill order it for you
Saasheblonde69 (9:52:40 AM): brb.. gotta check something..
Saasheblonde69 (9:52:53 AM): its for the water issue
djjester741 (9:52:59 AM): oh you mean about the discount card well if we ended up divorced they would not allow you to keep it anyway
djjester741 (9:53:00 AM): k
Saasheblonde69 (10:00:31 AM): oh yeah, i knew that
Saasheblonde69 (10:00:35 AM): about the discount card
djjester741 (10:01:19 AM): yeah
djjester741 (10:01:24 AM): everything okay?
djjester741 (10:01:31 AM): with the water?
Saasheblonde69 (10:01:40 AM): yeah, we were just getting a shower in the basement
Saasheblonde69 (10:01:46 AM): and we werent sure where it was coming from
djjester741 (10:01:53 AM): **** that sucks!

Saasheblonde69 (10:02:16 AM): so i had to go down to turn the water back on to see if it was maybe the upstairs toilet
Saasheblonde69 (10:02:16 AM): we shut the valve off for that
djjester741 (10:02:53 AM): hey wanted to ask you why do you think it is so hard for us to talk right now? and you can be very honest in your reasons also it will not offened me in any way
djjester741 (10:03:08 AM): have you guys had a plumber look at it yet?
Saasheblonde69 (10:03:19 AM): because i tried to for so long that now, i just dont feel like it
Saasheblonde69 (10:03:23 AM): not yet
djjester741 (10:03:39 AM): thats fine and i understand
djjester741 (10:04:24 AM): but do you think it would have been much easier for us to sort certain things out if there wasnt a third party involoved?

Saasheblonde69 (10:04:40 AM): um, no
Saasheblonde69 (10:04:45 AM): we tried, it didnt work
djjester741 (10:05:28 AM): no i feel it was honeslty a half assed attempt from both of us but thats just my opinion
Saasheblonde69 (10:05:54 AM): it was on my behalf after the first few times i admit that, but i got sick of trying and if you did too, i am sorry for that
djjester741 (10:08:37 AM): its not that i didnt want to try al i love you with al my heart and want to be there for you the rest of my lifr regardless of everything that has happened i dont want to bump heads with ya just want to make things okay friendship wise with you right now because i know nothing else other than sorting out our differances is ever going to make thing right on some level
djjester741 (10:09:41 AM): and you are to be nothing be completly justified right now for not wanting to talk to me because of all the mistakes i have made
djjester741 (10:10:19 AM): i know they hurt you very much much worse than anything anyone else could have ever done to hurt you as a person
djjester741 (10:11:13 AM): and to aswer the question of not wanting too its not that i didnt i just wasnt mature enough then to understand how
Saasheblonde69 (10:12:36 AM): well, again, i am just not willing to change anything anymore..
djjester741 (10:12:53 AM): understood
djjester741 (10:14:43 AM): would you say that would be the way you would feel for the rest of your life? fully thought over or do you think after we grow and understnad our issues that by some chance of pure fate you would maybe look at me differantly? then same way as before?
djjester741 (10:15:03 AM): or maybe you dont even know at this point and thats fine also
djjester741 (10:16:46 AM): because what i am about to say is going to sound completly crazy to you
djjester741 (10:19:39 AM): you still here?
Saasheblonde69 (10:22:26 AM): yes
Saasheblonde69 (10:22:29 AM): sorry
Saasheblonde69 (10:22:38 AM): shell needed my help fast
djjester741 (10:22:53 AM): that okay
djjester741 (10:23:14 AM): did you read farther up?
Saasheblonde69 (10:23:18 AM): yeah
Saasheblonde69 (10:23:26 AM): just finished, i dont know how i'd feel later in life
djjester741 (10:24:09 AM): okay fair enough i want you to know what im about to type is honest true to my heart and not complete bull**** okay?
djjester741 (10:24:26 AM): just so we are on the same page k?
Saasheblonde69 (10:24:39 AM): ok, gimme another minute
djjester741 (10:24:43 AM): k
Saasheblonde69 (10:26:29 AM): k
djjester741 (10:27:01 AM): u back?
Saasheblonde69 (10:28:08 AM): kinda, was, but now i gotta run, give me like 5 minutes.. jose is really sick today!
djjester741 (10:28:24 AM): k let me know when your back k?
djjester741 (10:33:42 AM): just called *** a center they are comming to swap the set later so ri can watch his oobi yeahhhhhh lol
Saasheblonde69 (10:36:28 AM): OK
Saasheblonde69 (10:36:39 AM): back..
djjester741 (10:36:47 AM): everything okay?
Saasheblonde69 (10:36:48 AM): hopefully they do it before ri gets home.
Saasheblonde69 (10:36:54 AM): hoping so
Saasheblonde69 (10:37:04 AM): he's having a hard time breathing and he's in alot of pain
djjester741 (10:37:51 AM): wanted to ask you if you had any opions i what you might think would be able to help us better comunicate with each other?
Saasheblonde69 (10:38:01 AM): idk
djjester741 (10:38:09 AM): sorry to hear hes not feeling well
Saasheblonde69 (10:38:19 AM): thanks..
djjester741 (10:39:08 AM): well we cant do that correctly as of right now because it seems like our feeling are getting in the way would you say thats correct?
Saasheblonde69 (10:39:28 AM): i guess..
djjester741 (10:39:52 AM): well it does seem like the emotions are a big part of this right now
Saasheblonde69 (10:40:15 AM): ok
djjester741 (10:40:21 AM): i know they are on my end half the time i cant even think straight
djjester741 (10:41:46 AM): ive just realized that we seem to be still angry about allot of things and its getting in the was of us being able to talk
djjester741 (10:42:20 AM): i want to try som something with you k?
djjester741 (10:42:25 AM): are you up for it/
djjester741 (10:42:33 AM): it will be done here in im
Saasheblonde69 (10:42:49 AM): depends on what..
djjester741 (10:42:52 AM): please try and humor me for a minute
Saasheblonde69 (10:43:03 AM): depends..
djjester741 (10:45:03 AM): i want you to type everything that comes to mind that makes you very angry about our marriage... whatever you need to type just do it and get it off your chest there is no time limit to this and you may say what ever you like we will not respond to each others anger whoever we will read them with an open mind and then i will tell you what angers me are you willing to try this with me/
djjester741 (10:47:49 AM): no finger pointing allowed no but i did this because of that just honest open thoughts k?
djjester741 (10:47:54 AM): you up for it?
djjester741 (10:48:41 AM): or if you feel funny and are scared about this i can go first?
djjester741 (10:51:08 AM): u still here? lol
Saasheblonde69 went idle at 10:55:05 AM.
djjester741 (11:08:47 AM): sorry got some things to do just reply when you have a chance if im here ill answer if not im not being rude just taking care of some things k?
Saasheblonde69 returned at 11:13:25 AM.
Saasheblonde69 (11:13:59 AM): ok, sorry.. i had things to take care of too, i had to let the emts in..
djjester741 (11:14:28 AM): holy **** everything okay?
Saasheblonde69 (11:15:05 AM): no, his stomach swelled up really bad
Saasheblonde69 (11:15:15 AM): and he couldnt breathe..
Saasheblonde69 (11:15:24 AM): and you could hear his stomach gurgling..
djjester741 (11:15:37 AM): wow thats not good
Saasheblonde69 (11:15:42 AM): not at all..
djjester741 (11:15:54 AM): hope he feels better
Saasheblonde69 (11:16:13 AM): me too.. this poor guy has gone through so much since his surgery and nothing seems to be helping..
djjester741 (11:16:25 AM): that sucks
djjester741 (11:16:45 AM): had you had a chance to read farther up yet?
Saasheblonde69 (11:16:57 AM): yeah..
Saasheblonde69 (11:17:07 AM): i did read it, and i'll give you my answer in a sec
djjester741 (11:17:15 AM): k
Saasheblonde69 (11:20:33 AM): ok, i think i can do this, but i just want you to know that its really not going to change my mind at all.. i have made my decision and i plan on sticking to it
djjester741 (11:21:42 AM): thats fine im not expecting anything to come of this at all
djjester741 (11:22:06 AM): its an excercise so that we can try to rebuild our friendship at this point okay?
djjester741 (11:22:36 AM): fair enough?
Saasheblonde69 (11:22:42 AM): see, thats whats bothering me, you keep saying at this point
Saasheblonde69 (11:22:42 AM): and stuff like that
djjester741 (11:23:06 AM): okay let me put it this way so you understand what i am saying
Saasheblonde69 (11:23:24 AM): ok
djjester741 (11:24:27 AM): at this point this is so we can have a friendship and remain friends as of right now i dont want anything other than that no smoke and mirrors nothing just a friendship 
djjester741 (11:25:31 AM): no marriage no saving grace no what ifs no this can work if we get past this just your friendship and nothing else
Saasheblonde69 (11:25:48 AM): ok
djjester741 (11:25:53 AM): k
Saasheblonde69 (11:25:53 AM): as long as you realize thats all it'll ever b
Saasheblonde69 (11:25:55 AM): e
djjester741 (11:26:01 AM): okay
djjester741 (11:26:44 AM): alright go for it
Saasheblonde69 (11:27:23 AM): well. right now i dont have anything
Saasheblonde69 (11:27:37 AM): i'm trying to think of things thats not going to make it seem like i'm pointing my finger
djjester741 (11:27:53 AM): okay word it differantly than pointing the finger
djjester741 (11:28:16 AM): just thoughts okay is what i ment no bashing here is an example k?
Saasheblonde69 (11:28:58 AM): ok
djjester741 (11:29:34 AM): i really felt alone when you would go out with your friends and it felt like it didnt take much to get you out of the house and i would become very hurt if i asked you to do something with me andi felt like we would bump heads about it
djjester741 (11:30:02 AM): okay thats what i mean about not pointing finger at each other
djjester741 (11:30:23 AM): it made me feel like you didnt value me as a partner
Saasheblonde69 (11:30:51 AM): ok, in rebuttle to that cause i cant think of any other way of putting it.. it didnt take much to get me out with them cause they would include me with what to do, but with you, it was your ideas that we would follow
djjester741 (11:30:52 AM): see thats not pointing fingers or blaming just honest feeling thats the example
djjester741 (11:32:07 AM): okay heres the thing this is going to be hard for both of us we can not defend what the other types with something else we just read it and except how the other person feels k?
djjester741 (11:33:04 AM): we cant throw stones wether we like what the other person types or not
djjester741 (11:33:37 AM): are we ready to try this together or would you like me to go again?
Saasheblonde69 (11:33:41 AM): oh
Saasheblonde69 (11:33:41 AM): trying
Saasheblonde69 (11:33:49 AM): but it brought up something i wanted to say then
Saasheblonde69 (11:34:00 AM): why was it we only really did what you wanted to do
djjester741 (11:34:27 AM): okay but we cant rebut thing each other types these are just feelings and we have to be fair to each other on how we feel
Saasheblonde69 (11:34:58 AM): okkkkkkkk
djjester741 (11:35:45 AM): i didnt realize i was being selfish about what i was asking and i figured that it didnt matter really much to me what we did as long as it was together we could have ate dog **** together and i would have been happy
djjester741 (11:36:12 AM): it was just sometimes we really couldnt think of anything to do
djjester741 (11:36:24 AM): and i just wanted to spend time with you
Saasheblonde69 (11:36:40 AM): yeah but anything thought of was something you liked to do..
Saasheblonde69 (11:36:49 AM): oh well, thats over, i just wanted to tell you
djjester741 (11:36:58 AM): is this going to be easier taking turns? or would you prefer one to go before the other?
Saasheblonde69 (11:37:34 AM): it doesnt matter
djjester741 (11:37:37 AM): yes true they were my suggestions 90% of the time
djjester741 (11:37:55 AM): why didnt you speak up to me though?
djjester741 (11:38:11 AM): or was it because i didnt listen and be honest?
Saasheblonde69 (11:38:19 AM): i did
Saasheblonde69 (11:38:20 AM): and id get the, fine we dont have to do anything thing from you
djjester741 (11:38:27 AM): i just didnt listen then
Saasheblonde69 (11:38:34 AM): basically
djjester741 (11:38:40 AM): im sorry
djjester741 (11:38:51 AM): im going to go agian or wuld you like too?
Saasheblonde69 (11:40:14 AM): you can..
Saasheblonde69 (11:40:16 AM): i'm drawing blanks here..
djjester741 (11:40:42 AM): i felt my hard work at the store wasnt being validated in our house due to the fact i would have to come home most of the time and cook also i would have prefered to have done it together it would have been more fun after a hard day at work
Saasheblonde69 (11:41:03 AM): ugh - its so hard not to say anything back
djjester741 (11:41:33 AM): yeah i know it is very hard ive been doing this with my counclier for a while now
djjester741 (11:42:21 AM): just remember these are just feelings this is in no way the truth or not the truth just expression of feelings
Saasheblonde69 (11:42:22 AM): ok, and this isnt trying to bash you
djjester741 (11:42:48 AM): okay work it in a way that doesnt it part of the excercise
Saasheblonde69 (11:42:52 AM): but i absolutely hated when you made the decisions to buy the big ticket items and then when i wanted one, i got **** for it
djjester741 (11:44:15 AM): okay when we word it say it like this i would hate when something was bought without my full consent it made me feel like when i would like something it wasnt as important
Saasheblonde69 (11:44:39 AM): ok
Saasheblonde69 (11:44:43 AM): sorry
djjester741 (11:44:54 AM): no yous allowed that pointing a finger
Saasheblonde69 (11:44:56 AM): i'm new at this, keep that in mind
djjester741 (11:45:05 AM): its okay your just learning
djjester741 (11:45:26 AM): and i uderstand fully and i am not angry
djjester741 (11:46:36 AM): i would feel that because we never talked like we did before that i wasnt appreaciated enough to have a meaninfull conversation with
Saasheblonde69 (11:47:54 AM): oh ok
djjester741 (11:48:15 AM): sorry confused?
djjester741 (11:48:31 AM): by oh okay
djjester741 (11:49:34 AM): you seem puzzled are you waiting for me?
djjester741 (11:50:03 AM): these are just feeling there is no right or wrong
djjester741 (11:50:15 AM): i would like you to take a turn please
Saasheblonde69 (11:51:41 AM): i did
djjester741 (11:52:26 AM): okay are yo u refering to the big ticket items?
djjester741 (11:52:53 AM): i know this is very hard its okay though
djjester741 (11:54:31 AM): i felt that we both at times would use the computer just as much at times however i felt that i was being pressured about my use
djjester741 (11:55:07 AM): which because we didnt talk correctly made me want to use it even more sometimes
Saasheblonde69 (11:55:28 AM): well, it was when i tried to get you to do stuff with me
Saasheblonde69 (11:55:31 AM): thats all
djjester741 (11:55:55 AM): thats a fair response
djjester741 (11:56:03 AM): would you like a turn now?
djjester741 (11:56:21 AM): i dont want this to seem like im pulling punches
Saasheblonde69 (11:56:27 AM): no actually, im going to stop talking for a bigt
Saasheblonde69 (11:56:29 AM): bit*
djjester741 (11:56:42 AM): okay you not mad correct?
Saasheblonde69 (11:57:02 AM): thats right.. i'm not mad.. i'm just trying to find something online
djjester741 (11:57:06 AM): k
Saasheblonde69 (11:57:08 AM): and i cant do both
djjester741 (11:57:30 AM): alright wuold you like to continue this at some other time?
Saasheblonde69 (12:08:02 PM): sure
djjester741 (12:09:42 PM): okay bye for now k
Saasheblonde69 (12:10:22 PM): ok

shed some light here she continually contrdictes at points how she feels and confuses the piss out of me gimme a hand here guys!


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

All I got out of that IM convo was that she was distracted and was barely participating and you were pushing so hard to get her to make some sort of decision or declaration. 

My recommendation: back off....waaay off, and let her miss you. Keep conversations short and pleasant and about your son but THAT'S ALL. If she sees you being happy with yourself, she's going to wonder what's up and might want a piece of it.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I agree give space and she will come to you!


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

i agree so i am reading between the lines correctly here im i not?


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

YA JUST GIVE HER TIME if you crowd her it will push her away. People want a chase.


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## Sonny (Oct 1, 2008)

CPT,

After reading your past info and this, may I suggest that you also keep focused on your child and projecting an image to her as a foundation for being a man, father, and husband?.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

i agree with you all as hard is it is too live outside the box it is what i will do thanks for your help


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She seemed aloof and disinterested. You were still presenting yourself as needy and clingy. JMHO


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I read your IM with her. I gotta say you are blowing air into the wrong balloon. She doesn't want to connect with you--period. Plus, you push really hard for response when she both doesn't want to respond and she is dealing with leaky pipes and a medical emergency?

Your timing is bad. And she doesn't care anymore.

You really ought to move on. It is over.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

michzz i hear what you are saying what about the 2 ,3 and 4 hour conversations with as of late? that would seem a little odd for someone outside the loop wouldnt you say? im not the one asking for these conversations they just happen and she does listen and reply wouldnt you just hang up the phone if you werre threw? i know i would how do i take that i mean that is kind of a strange behavior



CPT


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

michzz is right.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Dude you just don't get it. She is done with you. Get it through your thick skull. That IM you posted is sooo controlling and selfish and you don't see it. They don't use that harsh of interrogation on the Al QAeda prisoners at Gitmo. You say that you have learned to love in an unselfish manor yet your "exercise" is entirely self serving. My God she was having a crisis in her home and you allotted about 3 seconds of concern before you started hounding her again to play your little game. Shame on you. Your behavior is now bordering on obsessive and I'd be afraid of you if I were her. You need to show the IM to your councilor and be prepared for the fallout. There is no contradiction in your soon to be ex wife's message. She states repeatedly that she is not going to change her mind and that she is participating only to perhaps salvage a friendship. 
Look, nobody knows what the future holds for any of us but in the "now" She does not want to be your wife. The sooner you realize this the sooner you will start acting like a grown up and not like a child who lost his puppy. I truly hope that a few years down the road you will be posting about your reconciliation but in the "now" it is over. Please leave her alone, Leave yourself alone. Get some rest and distance so that the sane part of you can re-establish control. 
I know that you are a good person and folks here want to tell you what you want to hear but please folks do not give CPT any false hope it is counterproductive to his recovery. In the words of our Lord "it is finished". 
I know I said I was done with your story but I fear for you and her as I am seeing a downward spiral in your behavior that could lead to some very destructive behavior. I'm being tough on you but someone needs to kick you in the a$$ to snap you out of your denial. You cant want it enough for both of you. Hear this.......SHE DOES NOT WANT TO WORK IT OUT WITH YOU!!!! I'm sorry but those are the facts.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Oh, and by the way do you think her "nickname" Saasheblonde69 is a mistake. That she just happens to be the 69th person who thought to use that name. Dude it is an advertisment and not for your benifit.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Damn Kirkster you really can be sobering. You did a nice job "decoding" the hidden meanings in that im for CPT. + to you. Too bad for CPT. I'm sorry for your troubles. Like the song says: "LOVE STINKS!."


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

She is just pacifying you as she does chores, deals with an emergency, watches TV, calls her mother, etc.

That you continue to pepper her with IM messages troubles her and she doesn't know how to get you to stop, so she just sends you minimalistic responses hoping you will get bored.

Move on, leave her alone.

it is over between the two of you and that is ok.

Start over with yourself and then when you fix yourself, only then search for love. Just don't search for it with her.



CPT CONFUSED said:


> michzz i hear what you are saying what about the 2 ,3 and 4 hour conversations with as of late? that would seem a little odd for someone outside the loop wouldnt you say? im not the one asking for these conversations they just happen and she does listen and reply wouldnt you just hang up the phone if you werre threw? i know i would how do i take that i mean that is kind of a strange behavior
> 
> 
> 
> CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

just so that everyone knows i m the one that has cut the ties to her quite some time ago. she is the one that continues to contact me and askes if we can speak about these things she prompts the conversation 95% of the time. i have realized that i truly do not need her to be happy and i do know i will be fine without her. this is were the confusion sets in. she is solely the one most of the time bringing these things to the table. this is why we have these coversations not because im chasing her like a crazy madman. pepppering the **** out of her driving her nuts. this is one of the reasons it has become so hard for me to just let it be.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

CPT,

Again sorry for your situation but i'm not buying that one bit.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Come on! Just look at YOUR POSTED IM!! You are the one that is pushing the whole conversation. It is YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU and did I say YOU! You are in denial and I would suggest that if she reads this forum she should get a Protection order. You are not in your right mind at the moment and she needs to protect herself until you get straightened out. Sorry dude you need help to see things clearly. She could not make her feelings clearer if she wrote it on a brick and threw it at your head. It is O V E R!!!!!


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

some of you guys crack me up with your responses to my situation. i show one im conversation where yes i am the agressor at the time pushing for answers to my situation. and all of a sudden im crazy. and need an order of protection against me?. i pray that everyone that has problems like mine is able to find a way out of the darkness that consumes much everyone in these situations. i will go on and i will find happiness with or without my wife and i do know that. came to that realization long long time ago. i guess what i am saying is please everyone try to be bias about everything you pass on to others as advice or information because not one situation is the same as anyone elses.i guess at this point it really doesnt matter that she did call me today called me mind you and said she made a big mistake. like i tried to tell you guys earlier and you are all entitled to voice what ever opions you deem correct. you do honestly only get the chance 95% percent of the time to see one side of the story and you base all your guidance on that one side. but let me ask you all one very important question how many of you can stand up and give a standing ovation clapping if you only have one hand? im begging to differ not very many of you? i just want everyone to know i thankn everyone for thier guidance through all of this even the guidance i may not have totaly agreed with i thank everyone for thier time in this and wish everyone the best of luck with thier problems. have a great night hope everyone is safe. talk to you all soon.



CPT


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mistake about what? Did she call you specifically to tell you such a thing? You give us reams of content earlier, then dash this off with no context of a conversation, nor content.



CPT CONFUSED said:


> i guess at this point it really doesnt matter that she did call me today called me mind you and said she made a big mistake.
> CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

michzz she called and said she made a mistake about leaving me having the afair and everything eise that has come about up to this point. and why does it matter how long the conversation is that i share? i chose not to share the entire conversation with you all because as far as im concered that isnt going to change anything as to how most of you all perceive the situation? so why would i share so i can be accussed of being unable to come to terms with my own problems? im going through enough dont need extra added things to deal with


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

and yes she specifically called me with the intent of telling me she ****ed up


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Cmon CPT, what now she's begging you to come home? first you posted your im chat, now you are posting your fantasies. I just don't buy that. You are still in denial, denial, denial.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

please dont put words into my mouth i dont recollect me saying anything aoubt her wanting to come home. so lets get that straight right off the bat! let me ask you something have you yourself ever delt with someone that has had PPD or bipolar disorder? i willing to bet not thier attitudes change like the wind and yes they can go from one extreme to the next at the drop of a hat.as far as me having fantasies well i guess you will never know if she called or not now will you? one thing i can tell you is i have a hell of alot better things i can being doing than posting my life here.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

and if you all want the full story she called and said she ****ed up i asked her what made her realize this she said shewoke up when last night he proposed marriage to her and that all she had to do for them to get married was sign her rights as a parent over to me hummm sounds like a prime catch there she said it was at this momment she knew that tis was wrong. she said she doesnt want to get married to someone she hardly knows after only dating him for about 6 months. she said he and herself moved to quickly. and last night was the icing on the cake.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Yes we want the full ****ing story that's why we read your posts. I have dealt with bipolars and know that they need to make sure they are on effective meds. I'm glad to hear she had her epiphany and you may be getting her back when she is ready. Glad for your family to hear that. Make sure she is always on the right meds or she will go manic and do this again. I would also insist on a STD test, but she would probably tell you to forget it and you will accept that. I know your type well. Husbands of bipolar women don't have it easy that's for damn sure, they wear the panties in the house...oops I meant the pants. 

Good luck!


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

CPT CONFUSED said:


> i pray that everyone that has problems like mine is able to find a way out of the darkness that consumes much everyone in these situations.
> CPT


CPT, I read these posts and have to smile and shake my head when you say, "I can tell she really doesn't want this (divorce)". Here's the thing my man. When she really doesn't want something, she'll pull the plug or likely would have never started it in the first place. So let me ask you this question. What part of "get lost" is it you don't understand? 
Let me share something with you Dawg. When she filed for divorce it means she no longer wants you in her life. She didn't do it to get your attention. She did it because it would suit her just fine if she never seen or heard from you again and the only way to legally get rid of you and to come close to making that happen is to divorce you. While you're wresting around trying to maneuver and manipulate your way back into her life, she's looking foreword to the moment when the judge signs the papers. 
Get your head out of your azz and realize this. It doesn't matter how much you love her, how much you want the marriage to stay together, or how much you think your kids need you to be together. (you see, women know they will always be the mother and always be primary. That's why they don't mind moving to Phoenix Az with their new husband and the kid while leaving the ex/father in Jacksonville Fl. )
Here's the bottom line. It doesn't matter what you want, how much you love her or how much you what to save the marriage. The only thing that matters, if a woman stays with you, is how she feels and what she wants. She's sending you the message load and clear. I'll summarize it in two words...."You're history".


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

This is SPAM.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

This thread is from 2009. Closing it.


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