# I don't get it...



## lifesjourney (Sep 25, 2009)

My husband & I have been married for a year and a half. We were each others 'first love' (at 15). We're 24 now & we've had one hell of a rocky past. There is no trust, we lack communication, he has a hard way of showing his feelings. He has made me very insecure over the years. I, like every girl, crave attention, an unexpected kiss or compliment, anything to make me feel special.. and he isn't really the type of guy to express emotions, which I feel he doesn't love me or want me around, and then that's where our cruelty to each other begins. We have sacrificed a lot for each other. I know he loves me, it's just we can't get along. The past creeps up on me and ignites a spark that sets me off into a world of frustration, anger and hurt. We both want this to work so badly but we can't understand what each other needs. I want to be happy. I don't want to live the rest of my life with regret if I choose to stay, or if I choose to go for good. I want to be able to trust him. I want him to change, I want myself to change. I want us to be happy. I don't understand why we can't ever get this right.  2 months apart, we were going to get a divorce. Decided we couldn't give up on each other and wanted this to work. Now we're in a screaming match over what happened while we were apart. It never ends. 

*sigh* What to do.. What to do


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

lifesjourney said:


> I know he loves me, it's just we can't get along. The past creeps up on me and ignites a spark that sets me off into a world of frustration, anger and hurt.


well, facing reality is going to be the first step. you dont trust him and you dont know that he loves you. if you did know he loved you, you wouldnt feel insecure and constantly seeking out attention. 

and probably the second part is realizing you dont love him. once you realize this, then you can decide what to do. i realized i didnt love my H awhile ago, but i choose to stay because i think its something we can work on.


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## lifesjourney (Sep 25, 2009)

It's not that I don't think he loves me, I just wish he'd show it more. He isn't very affectionate. I do love him, I just wish we could get along better.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

My wife would say the same. She has told me she feels like the crap on your shoe you can't get off. It's not that we want to but you guys are on different levels of needs. He has needs not being met and you don't either. You both won't bend and this is why this rift lasts. You can't CHANGE him. You can only change yourself. If you want to see improvement. Listen to what he wants.. Make the changes on your side and see how he responds. You guys were both really young and if your struggling now it's going to get 10 times harder soon.. Once kids around it adds so much stress that if your marriage is weak before its bound to fail. I would consider doing a couples retreat to learn to love each other better. Please do something soon or you won't have much left. Good luck..


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Doesn't it seem like the two of you ignored basic incompatability and pushed forward with the relationship and marriage instead of realizing that the two of you don't work for one another?

You want to keep hitting your head up against the same brick wall when in fact, if you had been more mature when you were younger, you neve rwould have married in the first place.


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