# Feel It In My Gut!



## RFW (Dec 29, 2011)

Hi All,

I have another thread about my entire ordeal (wife dropped bombshell - moving out with Trial Seperation this Friday), please read it and comment if you get the chance.

Saving my marraige and family is my number one concern, but I can not get this out of my head.

Wife admitted that on a trip to a HS Reunion in October , she connected with an "old friend" as part of a group. While there, one of her oldest girlfriends actually staged an intervention urging my wife to follow her heart/head and leave our marriage and family (a 12 year old son, home, business, pets, commitment, posessions, etc). I knewsomething bad was going to happen there - I felt it in my bones. Now we have financial uncertainty as well as emotional. But she is still moving out!

This person (UB) was there - which is just so infuriating to think that strangers were gathered around discussing the most intimate part of my life while I was home with my son hoping my wife was having a good time.

Long story - short version, the name came up once, twice, three times - suspicions grew. She dropped the news of her leaving me and then went back to the city (with my son) and once again was "around" UB. My son told me that my wife "went shopping" with UB for 1-2 hours.

I confronted her - got the "just friends" line. Told me I was paranoid and suspicious for no reason. NO REASON - this is a betrayla of our marriage in so many ways.

I asked if they had any contact since - found out that he is also going thru marital problems and they had talked, texted, emailed "around 5 time" to "see how each other was doing". Sorry - sounds like BS.

I asked to see the phone/phone records - was denied. Password changed on the account. I said if there was only 5 - then let me see the records. I believe the only reason she will not is that there is more - much more than five!

I asked her to stop all contact and told her that this was an EA if not a PA and asked her which. She denied both.

She promised at MC that she would stop all contact with UB and any other memebr of the opposite sex during the seperation after the MC described what she was doing as a EA. But would not admit any wrongdoing.

As far as I know - all contact has stopped after the "intervention friend" told UB that my wife needed to stop. I do not really know if that is the case.

She moves out on Friday - I have no proof, but I know who UB is, and all his info (and his wifes). This freaked her out and she claims that the reason she will not give me the phone to reveiw is that she DOES NOT TRUST ME! She thinks I will confront all involved (I thought very seriously about it - but did not).

I also found a "favorite" web site on her computer for a very sexy lingerie outfilt - she said it was for her and that she was only looking - not buying. I did not buy the explaination either. What am an idiot!

Yesterday - I told her that before she leaves - if there is anything she has not told me - no matter how hurtfull, painfull, embarrasing, etc - that I deserved to know the truth as our 23 year relationship/13 year marrage goes down the tubes!

As I looked in her eyes and she told me that there was nothing to tell me - I felt it in my gut - I would bet my life that there is more to the story.

I want to make this mariage work - but I am not a fool, a doormat, a sucker that cannot respect his own intuition.

So much more I could say - but I've taken enogh of your time.

I want to get it all out at C - but I also want MC to work and get my wife and family back. So I wonder if i should just let it go and see what happens - or should I be persistant? - Either way - it is eating me up like a cancer.

Please reply if/when you get the chance.

Thanks much for reading.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Just Let her Go (see below), start implementing the *The 180 Degrees Rules* and file for divorce to protect yourself in case she becomes pregnant by the OM. Do not contact her unless it is related to your son. Let the OM (other man) and her enabling girl friends be solely responsible for her emotional needs.

Affairs are fantasy based and there is nothing like a good dose of good ol' reality to destroy them. It's one thing to see the OM in a hotel/motel room an hour or two every couple of days for passionate sex and quite another to wake up next to a snoring POSOM (piece of sh!t other man) bad morning breath, foul mood and his sh!t covered tighty whities. She's probably going to find that the grass is definitely not greener on the other side.



> _*Just Let Them Go*
> 
> The end result?
> 
> ...


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Who's idea was the trial seperation?


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## RFW (Dec 29, 2011)

Thanks for your opinion and the article M.

Pitt - the MC asked out of three options, which she wanr=ted to pursue:
1- Reconsiliation/Repai
2-Seperation 
3-Divorce

She decided on a non-legal seperation (I really had no choice)

I am so F's up it is ridiculus!

How can she look at me, our son, our home and do this if there was no other guy?


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Tell her since she has been dishonest (in fact and by omission) that you should just go straight to legal seperation as a procedding act towards divorce. 

That because of her continued lies and omission and action that as you see it - you are uncertain that you are going to want her back and might as well proceed to moving on with your lives.

Short of this....take action, seperate finances, draw up a custody/visitation agreement...include no introductions or visits with child with OM......get hard.

Live like you don't need her!


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

RFW said:


> Thanks for your opinion and the article M.
> 
> Pitt - the MC asked out of three options, which she wanr=ted to pursue:
> 1- Reconsiliation/Repai
> ...


Because thats what they do(lie,blameshift,gaslight etc etc), follow M links, do a 180 FOR YOU!!! it will help you more than anything you will more than likely stumble and thats ok, pick yourself back up and do it over and over, once you get it, you got it....


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Intervention? I don't understand. What kind of friend is this? Is your wife in danger of any abuse at your hands? To me, this intervention is nothing more than the meddling of a busybody best friend, who just wanted to stir up sh!t. Too bad she succeeded, and the best of luck to you.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You have the other mans info. Expose this to everyone. His wife especially. Odds are he only wants to get laid anyway. Expose it to everyone icluding her family. The best way to kill an affair is to shine a light on their secret.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

An unfaithful spouse often uses separation as a way to continue with the affair without his/her spouse present. To the unfaithful spouse, separation means not married, and believe that they are not cheating on their spouse. Nice isn't it? All the advantages of being married as well as the advantages of being single. It's a cake eater's paradise and one that few of them want to leave because they have the best of both worlds.

So forget the separation and file for divorce. The divorce won't be finalized overnight and if she does end her affair, and shows real willingness to commit to transparency and doing her part of the hard work of marital recovery, then the divorce petition can be withdrawn. Otherwise you will be in a hell we call limbo.


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## RFW (Dec 29, 2011)

Great advice CH and SH - thanks so much - please keep it coming.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Who's idea was the trial seperation?


I asked that question because I suspected this would be your answer....



RFW said:


> Pitt - the MC asked out of three options, which she wanr=ted to pursue:
> 1- Reconsiliation/Repai
> 2-Seperation
> 3-Divorce
> ...


and this is exactly what I was going to say...



morituri said:


> *An unfaithful spouse often uses separation as a way to continue with the affair without his/her spouse present. To the unfaithful spouse, separation means not married, and believe that they are not cheating on their spouse. Nice isn't it? All the advantages of being married as well as the advantages of being single. It's a cake eater's paradise and one that few of them want to leave because they have the best of both worlds.
> 
> So forget the separation and file for divorce. The divorce won't be finalized overnight and if she does end her affair, and shows real willingness to commit to transparency and doing her part of the hard work of marital recovery, then the divorce petition can be withdrawn. Otherwise you will be in a hell we call limbo.*


Thanx Mori, saved me from typing.  

and for god's sake...

EXPOSE THIS AFFAIR, YESTERDAY!!!


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## RFW (Dec 29, 2011)

CandiGirl - can you even believe that someone would be so uncaring and wrong to advise someone (especially someone confused) to leave their spouse/ family?

Never abusive in my life - love her to the end of the earth.

Being dragged thru the mud - told that many of my so-called friends have always disiked me and supported her decision.

If my closest friend in the world called me to tell me they were even thinking about something like leaving their spouse/family - I would tell them I love them and would be there to listen whenever they needed me. I would urge them to seek help before destroying something so sacred as a marriage bond and family.

Meanwhile this person still has their relationship/home, peace of mind.

This other piece of shi* who is screwing up his own family - needs to srew up mine a well.

I am a wreck - i need to restore my faith in my fellow man/woman - because i am so disillusioned.

I listen to you all and will use what i think is right for me. But i appreciate your words, time and honesty beyond words.

Evil - pure and simple - evil.

Thanks for your kind words.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Read and read and read verything you can get your hands on(knowledge is power), work out,find something to do, to keep your mind off it, stay away from the booze (bad bad bad, take it from me, very bad!!, did I say booze was bad?)hang with some buddies...whatever helps you keep you from going insane.

I know where your coming from the lies, thats the DESTROYER

You can get thru this, and be a better you.... and you will come to realize you dont need her to be happy, you may want her but you deff dont need her.....it may take awhile, once you are there, way better place.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

RFW said:


> CandiGirl - can you even believe that someone would be so uncaring and wrong to advise someone (especially someone confused) to leave their spouse/ family?
> 
> Never abusive in my life - love her to the end of the earth.
> 
> ...


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

morituri said:


> An unfaithful spouse often uses separation as a way to continue with the affair without his/her spouse present. To the unfaithful spouse, separation means not married, and believe that they are not cheating on their spouse. Nice isn't it? All the advantages of being married as well as the advantages of being single. It's a cake eater's paradise and one that few of them want to leave because they have the best of both worlds.
> 
> So forget the separation and file for divorce. The divorce won't be finalized overnight and if she does end her affair, and shows real willingness to commit to transparency and doing her part of the hard work of marital recovery, then the divorce petition can be withdrawn. Otherwise you will be in a hell we call limbo.


:iagree:


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Your gut is right. I guarentee it.

I've been lied to and gaslighted and manipulated for hours, days, months on end and EVERY SINGLE TIME MY GUT WAS RIGHT.

I've been called irrational, out of control, controlling, been suggested I need medication and hospitalization by the person who stood by me on the alter and promised to love and honor me....all the while my gut told me truth.

Do not believe a word she says. Believe your gut. You have no choice but to live with your gut, your instincts.

You have a choice to live with a lying, cheating wife or not.

Believe in yourself and you will make it out of this ok, in fact you will be happy. The only person you can control is yourself. Choose to be happy.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Your wife is obviously having sex with another man. Women don't buy lingerie that nobody ever sees. Women in marital crisis don't buy lingerie, unless the lingerie is a tool for repairing the marriage. Women buy lingerie to appear more attractive to the men they're screwing. And new lingerie is usually something that happens early in the relationship.

So your only choice right now is whether you will accept being cuckolded or not.

If you will accept it, then save your money on counseling and the separation. Just let her move back in and tell her that she can do whatever she wants with the other man.

If you won't accept it, then you don't need a counselor, you need a lawyer. Go to Divorce Advice for Men and Fathers | Men and Divorce | Cordell and Cordell | DadsDivorce.com and start reading up on men's divorce strategies. Implement the 180 so that you feel more disconnected from your wife.

There is a chance that your wife, seeing you pulling away, will suddenly realize that she is losing her family and become remorseful and pursue reconciliation. If so, great. If not, at least you took control and refused to be her plan B.

Good luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I didn't read all of your thread but if she has initiated the separation herself and is behaving defensively, won't share her phone with you, is going shopping with the dude you suspect and favoriting' (is that word) lingerie on sites and all this matches her shady behavior, then yes, more than likely she's cheating on you with this guy. The fact she had the BALLS to bring your kid around him they shopped is seriously messed up. 

I would let her go, like Mori said. If she wants a separation, give it to her, w/ no guarantee you'll be around when she's figuredo ut what she wants.

The only reason people hide things/won't share thins w/ you is cause there is something they don't want you to find out--especially when there are red flags all ove rthe place that it's an affair.

Oh... and if UB is married, you must absolutely tell his wife. Yesterday.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

File for divorce. Give her a dose of reality right upside the head (figuratively of course).

Expose everything to everyone asap. Affairs are like ****roaches. They don't like the light of day.

Expose her toxic friend(s) as well. I cannot tell you in how many threads toxic friends have been involved in messes like this!

When she comes crawling back make sure you have a list of conditions that she will have to agree to and DON'T BACK DOWN.

Implement the 180 and/or Athol Kay's MAP plan. Live your life like she doesn't matter in the least.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Saki said:


> Your gut is right. I guarentee it.
> 
> I've been lied to and gaslighted and manipulated for hours, days, months on end and EVERY SINGLE TIME MY GUT WAS RIGHT.
> 
> ...


I remember this Saki. Your gut was right every time. It usually is.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I agree with the others. File for divorce. Also, and this is imperative, you need to file to keep her from taking your son to the state with OM in it. The ideal attack would be to file for divorce. File a restraint, so she can't take your son out of state. Separate finances. And encourage her to move out. Expose to everyone. 

Now, what will she have left. She can go and be with the OM, but not with your son. Oh and if she does go. You can get her for abandonment. If your business has any debt (and you have cash in the bank), pay it off. This will make her cash flow non existent. You can always borrow again or increase your credit line. This way, you are not taking anything from her as I imagine she is part owner. Cancel joint credit cards. And most definitely expose. Read up on the 180 and apply it. 

In closing, if you think you can beg, plead, love, encourage, argue or use any other tactic to get her back......forget it. None of the "beta male" tactics work. She needs a shot of reality right between the eyes. She needs to see her marriage crumble, her affair crumble (because or exposure), no power to take your son. And a crappy little apartment. But you work your 180. When all this is done. Her fog may clear. If it does, maybe you try Reconciliation. If it doesn't, good riddance, find someone to love that's not a cheating skank.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The 180
April 15 2011 at 8:48 AM Ami (Login Amistandingstill)
Healing Moderator 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So many on here are at a loss at what to do with a WS who is
fence sitting, cake-eating, ignoring boundaries, still seeing and/or contacting the other person, etc...

Many BS's are urged to go No Contact with their WS after ALL ELSE has failed.


This 180 list may help.
--------------------------


For those that are interested in Michelle Weiner Davis's divorce busting 180 degree list, here it is:

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.


2 things to think about if you do this:

1) You have to do the 180 list NOT to be manipulative but because it's the right thing to do for you. You have to heal from this experience. You have to back off for your own sanity now. You have to have a plan and know that you will be a better person with or without them after all is said and done -- that you will live and learn and move on no matter what. So you have to be geniune when you follow these ideas, rather than faking it and being insincere because your only goal is to get them back. That's not what you want to do. Having a certain person as our spouse is not a need, it's a want. When I wrote down a list of all the definite needs in my life, I realized that almost everything beyond food, clothing and shelter is a want. 10 seconds after I looked at the list, I stopped making decisions based on emotion. That's when I realized that my wanting to have her was causing me to beg and plead for her to come back. That was driving her away more so I stopped doing it immediately. In doing my own version of the 180 list I could tell nearly an immediate change in her behavior.

2) Realize that when your spouse sees your new attitude they are very likely to be a little jealous or at least have some curiosity about what's going on in your life to cause this change. However, they very well may react the same way towards you for some time (especially if they read books or go to message boards also). REALIZE that this tactic can also work simultaneously on you if the spouse begins to likewise. Be aware of it and plan to have your own feelings of jealousy and curiosity in advance. However, like with #1 above, if you're doing the 180 list to better yourself and everyone involved, then it will matter less what they are doing.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Make sure your wife clearly understands, while she is gone---she is now responsible for half of all marital finances---insurances, all of them, mortgage, utilities, car payments, etc---and you are to give her nothing to live on---and do NOT let her take your child with her----the child stays in the comfort of its own home


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

I agree with others, here. Expose the affair to all those involved. Expose the toxic friend's involvement in the problems in your marriage. Do the 180 -- and trust me, if you fail on any of these and backslide, you'll feel really crummy; I failed on a few of these like 2-3 times over the past 4 months and it's hindered healing progress of any kind at all. Take legal steps to keep your child with you and not out of state, but work out an agreement in which she can still see the child. Separate your finances. File for divorce; it will wake her right up. I know you're probably feeling miserable, but just hang in there!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé exposé exposé to the OMW that is the only thing at this point that will help. Nothing else, well perhaps filing.

You need to blow the affair out of the water and get the OM to dump her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Yet another "re-connecting with old flame" affair. What is it with HS reunions/facebook, etc, that makes weak people lose their damn minds and destroy years of marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

It's the sweet memories of youth, with romantic partners who never fart and with every life problem taking care of itself (i.e. via the parents).


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## RFW (Dec 29, 2011)

So confused! Trying to keep my composure - we tell our son tomorrow - she is out of the house on Friday.

The thought that it might be my last day with her is too hard to accept.

I know it is not the overwhelming advice - but I want to do everything I can to get her back in the right way. Her wanting it - not me manipulating her to do it.

MC next week. Do I get hard and tell it like it is - do I shut up and listen/let him do his thing?

I get the the "fuc* you" side of the equation. But anger right now will just feed the dark side. I can't go there right now - I might not come back. I am not going tolet myself get screwed even further and will not wuss out. But I think all the hard core stuff is down the road (hopefully not).

Thanks,


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

How do you feel right now?

How do her actions make you feel?

Imagine not a life without her, but imagine a life where you are happy with yourself and have people in your life who support you, and who you can trust.

She might be part of that picture, she might not be. You can't control her. But you DO have control over what you do, and believe it or not, you also have some degree of control over how you feel and how happy you are.

It's about YOU now. Read the 180 steps and realize the same thing in every single one of those steps. It's about making YOU happy, about giving YOU control over YOUR life.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Mc is a waste of time if she is still in the affair. 

Mc won't convince her to quit cheating, it only teaches two comiitted people how they can work on the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Put it this way. You've already lost her. If you file for divorce and blow that separation crap right out of the water she might be shocked into realizing what she is losing. If not then you really haven't lost anything anyway since she is already gone.


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## RFW (Dec 29, 2011)

Much has gone on over the past few days:

-informed our son that his mom is moving out
-signed Seperation Agreement
-she moved out on Friday
-withour her for the first time in 23 years

Over the past weeks/days - it has become increasingly clear (and she is beginning to admit it) that she has been/is a compulsive/pathalogical liar.

She has lied about our relationship for 10 years, about finances, her friends, purchases, her destinations - all to "protect me and my son", or because it is in some may "what I wanted to hear", to defer confrontation/consequences of her actions/omissions.

She then wants to blame her new realization that she wants out of our marraige on my anger/recations to a decade of deception and our LACK OF COMMUNICATION. Why can't she see what is so clear.

I am stepping up and ready to claim my portion of the problems that led us here - but why does she not see how lethal and toxic these actions of hers have been.

I wonder if her "support" friends that were so influential know the extent of her problem. I wonder what her family, my children, our friends would say if they knew about the level of dishonesty and that it continues to this day to justify her exit/anger.

All this from the person I thought was the most wonderthing/trustworthy/caring/loving woman in the world.

Just this week, I found out about a number of purchases she made as she stock piled items in anticipation of leaving.

I am now not only angry and depressed about our relationship, I am genuinly concerned fror ther mental well being (shopping addicion, hrding, the lies) - and this does not even bring that gut feeling about her "EA/PA with tis guy (UB) or who knows how many others.

I f she lied until caught about a $240 cosmentic purchase - do I really think she is going to admist **** some other guy?

I talked to our MC and he knows that this is an issue we neeed to explore - but I am so blown out of the water -it gets worse every day. I am worried that if we start to lay on the trith bout her lack of ability to tell the truth, she will leave couseling and move to divorce. That is not what i want - but going to MC and not telling the truth is like going to a Doctor about an illness and not revaling the symptoms.

I know that most of you will say - better off wthout her - and I see that logic.

But i love her more that anything/one in the world.

I have faith in the Lord although i read something yesterday that has resonated with me.

The Lord gives us what we need - not what we want.

Gone silent to my now seperated wife as best I can with a child/business - love myself/love my son - be a man but keep my compassion, understanding and love at the top of heart/head.

Thanks for your time.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Well at least you're not manipulating her. That was a real worry. 

The fact is, you are married to someone other then the person you thought you married. You now know. Her choice was to deceive you. Whether you decide to deceive yourself is your own choice.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

RFW said:


> Much has gone on over the past few days:
> 
> -informed our son that his mom is moving out
> -signed Seperation Agreement
> ...



Why would you continue to love someone who habitually lies and cheat? You'll need to question yourself about your own self-respect or motivation for doing so.

Maybe the Lord is showing you this weakness you need to overcome?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

File for divorce yesterday.

Freeze any and all accounts that she has access to.

Do not support her financially.



What a crappy situation! Her "friend" is a major POS and should have her ass kicked. I bet you anything she's a miserable shrew of a woman and just wanted your wife to be the same.

Although, your wife is not a puppet. She willingly went along with this and did it. If a "friend" did that to me, I'd tell her to go EFF herself!! So, your wife is a POS too.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Why haven't you outed the other man?


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## RFW (Dec 29, 2011)

Thanks for the input. Very hard week. Her moving out process is still coninuing.

I feels like the wound is opened again every day.

Part of me wierdly is happy to see her - even if she is here taking her things to leave (very confusing). The other needs it to ebd now - it should be over today.

But because of our child - business - I iwll be seeing her most every week.

Much has come to the surface - her own admittance of dishonesty, shopping, hording problems - with her mentioning them as signs of depression. She is still very much not "herself" - but she has "softend a few times during this very painful week.

Although I have determined that the essence of 180 and Plan A/B are the best route to take - I have relapsed in the past few days - because she has opened up someehat to me.

At this point my first goal was to stop the EA/and mental abuse she has been dishing out by letting her go with as little resistance as i can manage (very hard).. I think it has been achieved - but she has ied about so much for so long - can I really be sure?

My next goal is to get her to go to MC with an open mind - rather than a firm decision of divorce - seems to be getting there - but there is still resisitance.

Today - I stand as a man - father - friend that is iin a time of self-awareness, realization of the years of dishonesty and serecy I have been served by the woman I have loved unconditionaly and whose futre graetly dempend on my own future actions and interactions with my wife - before it is to late.

I am so sad that this has happned to my son(s) and both of us - but it serves only as a gateway to the dark side - and I am not going to go in that direction. I must follow the light.

I appreciate your time.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

I think you should consider the effect of turning away from your sadness. Repressing this event will allow it to control your life.

One thing to remember, we are all human. The 180 you do isn't going to be perfect all the time. Just remember it is about you making yourself happy!


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## RFW (Dec 29, 2011)

Good point Saki - I guess I meant that the sadness cannot overcome me. It has that potential.

I had a good day - they will get better.

Reality rears it's ugly head - but the truth (no matter how hurtful) is better that any lie.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You came here for advice and you aren't taking the most important piece. Out the OM to his family. Have you not read any of the other threads here?

The affair continues because you are letting them keep their nasty liittle secret.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

chapparal said:


> You came here for advice and you aren't taking the most important piece. Out the OM to his family. Have you not read any of the other threads here?
> 
> The affair continues because you are letting them keep their nasty liittle secret.


Because he's in denial as is typical with many that come here. He needs more pain before he can wake up from it. He's gobbling up the lies his WW is feeding him.

RFW, if you can't take the HARD WON advice from those of us here who have come before you and been through what you're going through, then at least do the 180 and help yourself detach.


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