# Do you think it's important to have sex with someone before you marry them?



## SmartAlx (Oct 15, 2009)

Do you think it's important to have sex with someone before you marry them?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

i dont think it matters. if you're using it as a way to gauge the marriage, then that's a recipe for disaster- just like living together before marriage.


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

I would say most definitely!!!
I mean what if your not compatible in that area? That would horrible. I have had boyfriends where that wasn't a good part of the relationship. However my H and I have always had such a connection that even after 9 months of separation we are still doing that. It is important.


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## SFladybug (May 25, 2009)

O.k. I'll go with the option of No. I am a female. Even though my husband and I did have sex before marriage, it did not really guarantee compatibility in that area. There are times during a marriage that sexual needs take a back seat. Also, the practice of anticipation (which is 95% of good sex at least from my perspective) gets overidden with sex before marriage. 
Wouldn't it be great if we could meet someone with whom we feel attracted and build up the connections in our relationship other than sex and learn to call each other to sexual intimacy when the time was right.

Haven't you noticed that when people start engaging in sex, in the short term, the bond created overrides other considerations. Then later, it becomes an expectation instead of a wooing.

Just my thoughts on the topic after being married for a while. Good luck to ya'll who are looking for someone special to share your life and intimacy with.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You need two more options:

Yes: not religious
No: not religious

I'm not a practicing Christian. I had sex before I was married lots of it - then came abstinence.

Abstinence just doesn't hold together over time. What I'm saying is, that it may be viewed as sweet when you are marrying your high-school sweetheart, but as the rigors of adult life set in, and you may be putting off marriage for school, career, or whatever - I believe that putting off sex as well, places you squarely at a disadvantage in an adult relationship.

There is nothing sweet about being a thirty or forty something year old virgin. As an adult that has absolutely no thought of remarrying, I would be leery of a woman with no sexual experience. I wouldn't even consider dating a woman that is 'saving herself'. I can respect it, but I do not subscribe to, or understand it.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Yes, sex can be a core force in a marriage and I believe the couple needs to understand the others needs and wants before committing to marriage. My wife of 20+ years lived together for about 18 months before we married.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Speaking as a man, if a woman somehow convinced me to wait until marriage to have sex, there would have to be plenty of "evidence" that she liked sex, such as lots of kissing and touching of a highly sexual nature. I would also talk with her about what each of us expected from married sex. If she being celibate at the time did not indicate that sex everyday seemed like a good idea, I would call off the wedding. No, I'm not kidding.

If she promised me sex by the bucket load but then short changed me after the wedding. I would divorce her. Women like to have shades of grey. With men it's all black and white.

Why bother to get married to be celibate? I can do that on my own. Or I could have a harem. But as a married man, I expect to have wall to wall sex from my wife. That is why I willingly gave up my freedom. You see, it's simple. Most guys who complain about their dull married sex lives can't see what has happened to them. When they do finally see it, they either fix it or they leave.

By the way, we just celebrated our 20th year of being together, married 18. Very happy here


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> Why bother to get married to be celibate? I can do that on my own.


By definition, right Mark? :rofl::rofl:
Thanks.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

SmartAlx said:


> Do you think it's important to have sex with someone before you marry them?


I think it's important but doesn't guarantee anything.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

never did it any other way, but i don't think it's that important to know how good a lay the other person is. if you love em, it works itself out.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Among other things you should know about them. Like do they have massive debt, are they convicted felons, do like to shop, are they one of the crazy vegans, etc.....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL @ the vegans, Runs


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You need to know the totality of the person whatever it is. You need to know what is going to mess with it all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unexpected Outlook (May 7, 2011)

Its a two part thing. Knowing who you are marrying. AND knowing who you are . You need to know the first because you know the second (we hope). If you are aware of your proclivities , lusts, wants,etc. ....what good is it to sign onto a life contract that is going to be filled with frustration and strain , possible secrecy and misrepresentation, with someone who is not your match?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Yeah I guess. But I'd like a time machine to give me a clue about the soulless harpy she'll eventually turn into.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Deejo said:


> You need two more options:
> 
> Yes: not religious
> No: not religious
> ...


:iagree: I would never even date a virgin if I was single. Sex is too important to me.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

*Strangely...*



Blanca said:


> i dont think it matters. if you're using it as a way to gauge the marriage, then that's a recipe for disaster- just like living together before marriage.


Strangely, I think that not living together first spells trouble. 
People cannot be happily married if the sex is bad. It is more important than you realize.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Mrs.G said:


> :iagree: I would never even date a virgin if I was single. Sex is too important to me.


I dated two virgins when I was single. Well, they started out that way.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Ok, I wasn't responding cause the original poll was so old... But I'm bored. 

There's no way in heck that I would consider a long-term relationship with someone new without ensuring that we're sexually compatible. At least, ensuring that as much as possible till a wedding ring is on the finger, right?  And I'd like her to feel comfortable that we're a match as well... Too much stress is generated when two incompability people hook up. And what is otherwise a good relationship can degrade due to the resentments and frustrations.

Yes, people can change over time... But no sense starting off with a key thing "broken". Same with finances, career aspirations, desire to have kids, etc... Some things can be compromised relatively easily, other things not so much.

And I'm not talking about just "having sex" with someone to see if they're a "good lay" or not. More of the whole package... Sex drive, kinks, etc.

C


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

Yes. I had to choose Female - Not against my religion but technically I don't have a particular religious faith.

For me, it's just another aspect of compatibility that I need to assess before committing to marriage. But then, I'm a practical gal who thinks that living together first is a good way to assess compatibility in day-to-day realities.

I've had several past relationships that ultimately proved unworkable because they fell through in one of those areas.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Even though my W and I are divorcing we held off intercourse until after the wedding. It made for a short engagement, but for a long time we were sexually very compatible. At this point in our broken relationship I'd still say that sexually we are still very compatible and that its everything else that is not and which took its toll on the sex life, but her view is probably entirely opposite cause/effect for the breakdown.


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