# The house, money, and kids. A friend of Rugs



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Hi, 

I am a friend of Rugs and she is letting me use her account.


I have been married 23 years this November. Rugs and I met in a support group for people with disabilities. I have impaired mobility but can drive, talk, function fairly normally, but my income has been cut because my hours are part-time. I can't do more hours and do mom stuff too. I'm just to slow. 

My husband makes 75k per year and I make 25k per year. 

Everything we make goes to day-to-day stuff and we are not saving money but we have good credit, happy kids,.....

We do not have a big house, fancy cars, fancy vacations, we just manage without going into debt. The debt we have is one car loan, 13 years left on our modest home, and two teens in braces. 

My husband has had many affairs and I have stayed for the children's sake and financial reasons. 

I no longer want to be married and I don't want to hold my husband hostage either. 

I don't see how we can have two separate households when we just barely afford one. 

I am going to see a counselor and a lawyer in October to discuss my options but I really don't see any good ones. 

For those of you who divorced without much income, how were you able to afford two households? 

I did have one phone consultation with a lawyer and he basically told me to either stay married because we would be broke. I don't want money from my husband at all, I just don't want to take away from my children. I'm very afraid. 

Both my children want to go to college too and I don't want to deny them that either. 

I just don't know how anyone affords divorce or do they just stay married and lead separate lives like we are doing in our house?


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

Divorce is the number one cause for putting women and children into poverty. There are no easy solutions to the questions you raise. There has to be money in order to maintain one or two houses. The idea that you "don't want to take money from your husband" is probably not very realistic. The reason that courts order child support is because they have to have it in order to maintain some semblance of the life they had while their parents were married.

So what is the deal between you and your husband? Is he not interested in counseling and trying to fix your relationship? Or is that your position? Staying together for the sake of the children truly has merit, but fixing the marriage is even better. I know that you can only control your own choices but divorce has a deeper impact on kids than is even commonly admitted. Have you sought out any other counsel besides speaking with an attorney?

I am sorry for your situation. My heart goes out to you and I will lift you in prayer. I have found leaning into the arms of the Lord has been the best way for me to cope with the pain life has thrown my way. He alone has been faithful and I am so thankful for His presence. Blessings.


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