# What are your thoughts about...



## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

What do you think about a married man visiting a strip club alone? My husband admitted to visiting one twice while working away. He said he only stayed about 20 min and didn't get a lapdance or any other service. He's never frequented these places but it was very hurtful to me. I'm having a hard time getting the images of him oogling naked chics and throwing our hard earned money at them out of my head. I know he didn't hand over much because we didn't have a lot at the time and no unusual amount of money was missing from our account. But, am I the only wife who thinks this is inappropriate? He said the only reason he went was because I had several guy friends on my facebook. He looked through my fb acct, even reading messages from the last two years and didn't find anything, yet he still felt the need to get me back for the people on my friends list. I've since deleted the fb acct - don't need it if it's going to cause problems or make him doubt me. But, I'm still having a hard time getting over this. And I am in counseling, not only b/c of this, but other personal issues.

I would like the opinions of other women who've dealt with the same thing. I would also like some of the men to describe a typical evening in a strip club. I've thought about going to one myself just to observe. Maybe they aren't as bad as what I'm imagining.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Some women are ok with their husbands visiting strip clubs without them , some women are not.

Maybe you need to sit him down and tell him you are not ok with him visiting strip clubs.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Depends on the marriage. It doesn't really matter whether other people allow it, all that matters is if you have an issue.



laya said:


> He said the only reason he went was because I had several guy friends on my facebook.


That's a lie. He went to the club because he wanted to see gorgeous, naked female bodies up close and personal. He only used the "male friends on facebook" excuse as a way to shift blame and avoid telling you the truth. It was the coward's way out and a way to punish you for his insecurities over a totally unrelated issue.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

laya said:


> What do you think about a married man visiting a strip club alone?


It's kind of unusual. Most men go in groups. But, it's not a place where much really happens.



> I would also like some of the men to describe a typical evening in a strip club. I've thought about going to one myself just to observe. Maybe they aren't as bad as what I'm imagining.


It's probably not as bad as you're imagining. I've been to several, although they're not my thing. First, I'm fairly frugal. So paying a cover charge is always objectionable. Also, $8 for a Bud Light hurts.

The one rule that is pretty universal across strip clubs is "no touching". The girls don't touch the men and the men can't touch the girls. Bouncers watch for it and will drag men out pretty roughly if one forgets and gropes a girl.

Overall, the experience is like internet porn. It might get him aroused, but there's no interaction. He won't cheat with a stripper. He'll just give her $20 and look at her.

Good luck.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Going to a strip club alone seems a little pathetic and maybe slightly creepy to me. Guys go to strip clubs because they are guys and they like to see naked women. They don't go because their wife has FB friends. They tell their wives after they've visited strip clubs because they're stupid and lousy security risks. No CIA job for him.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> He'll just give her $20 and look at her.


It's funny you say that, because he said all that happened was both times a stripper sat at his table for about 5 min of conversation - said they talked about the area and what all there was to do in that area and then he tipped her $20 (different stripper, same scenario both times) and she went on her way. He said they kept trying to push lapdances but he didn't do that. Is it typical for a guy to go and just watch and turn down the dances? Since he told me this i am always imagining what else he could be doing while out of town. And the reason he told me was because I asked him. The thought of a strip club just entered my mind and I asked and he said that he told me b/c I told him I wanted the truth so he told me. I hope that says something good about his character?


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Never went to one solo before. Seems like the creepers do that. Jaquen called it though...he totally blameshifted it on you. On another note, like a gun or porn or anything else this isn't about the strip club or even the lap dances. It's about open honesty and communication in a marriage. Set and adhere to your boundaries and ensure he does the same.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"I would also like some of the men to describe a typical evening in a strip club. I've thought about going to one myself just to observe. Maybe they aren't as bad as what I'm imagining."

Not a man, but I've been to them. Where I live, the girls are completely nude, not just topless. Depending on the club, they are usually very young and beautiful but very "hard" looking. The atmosphere can be fun or it can be gross, it depends on the mood you are in and why you are there.

The way men in clubs treat strippers is not the way they would treat women in a normal club, obviously. They aren't trying to "hit" on the strippers, the vibe is not the same. But they are definitely able to just openly gawk at the girls without any holding back, after all, that is what the club is about.

I have friends who are strippers and having been to clubs myself, I can say that the strippers mostly desipse the men who go to the clubs. They feel they are idiots with wallets and that's all they are to them, mostly.

Some strippers have their own sex issues and/or are sex addicts. Those are the ones who don't view the men as idiots but rather, as potential sex partners. Yes, some strippers date the men who go to the clubs, who else would they date?

In my city there used to be a lesbian bar that had strippers a few nights a week. It was really nice to go to those strip shows because the atmosphere was not as "icky", being that only women were in there. Women can be "icky" just like men but for the most part, they were not in this particular club. It was definitely interesting though to see the difference between lesbians viewing strippers and men viewing them.

I have been to strip clubs with boyfriends in the past and it was fun. I wouldn't do it with my current husband though, he is just too classy for that. Maybe a nude review in Vegas or something, but the clubs around here...yuck, just don't even want to walk into them because your feet stick to the floor.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Damn. I just went to a strip club last month with my wife. I guess I ain't classy. We will be going again in a couple weeks when the kids go to my in-laws for a week.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The clubs in my area are really gross, dirty, dingy, dark, and the floors are sticky. My H really can't stand that type of filth, that's all I meant for "too classy for that". If we had clean, classy strip clubs around here it might be different.

Also, I am afraid of germs a bit myself...and being that the girls are totally naked and swiping their vag all over the tables, chairs, poles and beer glasses, I just can't touch anything....too gross....afraid of catching BV somehow (a real threat, not joking). Just, not classy, at all.

I've been to other cities and their clubs seem much cleaner and classier...I had thought perhaps that was because some states are topless only?


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

I think the problem is that he made the lame excuse about you having FB friends as the reason he was pushed to go to a strip club. 

My man and I have been a few times, and it is not a requirement to get a lap dance. 

If it really bothers you, I think having an honest conversation about how you are feeling might help.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Like others have said, it doesn't matter what WE think about it. What matters is what the two of YOU think about it.

The fact he blameshifted on you is also troublesome. You guys need to work on honesty and transparency in your relationship. Going to a strip club to 'get back' at your spouse for something she did isn't a healthy dynamic at all.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It's ok to be a guy. Embrace your inner swine. I like seeing naked women, too. I even got my very own at home.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> "
> The way men in clubs treat strippers is not the way they would treat women in a normal club, obviously. They aren't trying to "hit" on the strippers, the vibe is not the same.


I guess this is the difficult part for me. I'm viewing the strip club as I would a regular bar where men are there to pick up women. And the strip club he went to was topless only so the dirty/gross factor isn't as bad i guess. 

I've voiced my opinion and told him that if he ever did it again, it was a deal breaker. Sorry, but that's just how I feel. I know he wouldn't like it if a man were to rub all over me and if I were to pay him to do it, that would not make a difference with my husband.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

laya....I hope your husband understands this boundary and upholds your preference. It is your marriage and you should get to have it the way you want it.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Your man is much safer at a strip club than any bar, IMO.

See, the jig is this: A stripper's job is to make the client feel like they are the only one in the room. They pay attention as long as the money keeps coming out of their pockets. As soon as the money is gone, so too is the stripper.

That's Strip Class 101.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

How will you know if he goes again or not?


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

laya said:


> What do you think about a married man visiting a strip club alone? My husband admitted to visiting one twice while working away. He said he only stayed about 20 min and didn't get a lapdance or any other service. He's never frequented these places but it was very hurtful to me. I'm having a hard time getting the images of him oogling naked chics and throwing our hard earned money at them out of my head. I know he didn't hand over much because we didn't have a lot at the time and no unusual amount of money was missing from our account. But, am I the only wife who thinks this is inappropriate? He said the only reason he went was because I had several guy friends on my facebook. He looked through my fb acct, even reading messages from the last two years and didn't find anything, yet he still felt the need to get me back for the people on my friends list. I've since deleted the fb acct - don't need it if it's going to cause problems or make him doubt me. But, I'm still having a hard time getting over this. And I am in counseling, not only b/c of this, but other personal issues.
> 
> I would like the opinions of other women who've dealt with the same thing. I would also like some of the men to describe a typical evening in a strip club. I've thought about going to one myself just to observe. Maybe they aren't as bad as what I'm imagining.



It is inappropriate, degrading, decadent and a step towards something else... 

What does a married man expect to find in those places?


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

thanks faithful wife...i really try to not be a control freak but this is an issue that i will not give on. he did it, i forgave him (certainly haven't forgotten, yet) and so he knows where i stand. i told him in no uncertain terms that he is not to go to places like this ever again. now, i have another thread about him wanting a motorcycle. i decided that if that's something he really wants, i shouldn't stand in his way. he works hard and provides for the family. i certainly don't go without. so there are areas where i may not agree with him, but he still gets to have his way. but this stripping thing i will not budge on my position.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> How will you know if he goes again or not?


I guess with him working away all the time, there is no sure fire way to know. All I can do is trust that he won't do it again. I can somewhat track his location with his smartphone but it's not 100% accurate. He knows that if I call, he better answer the phone and he also knows it's possible that I can call the room number so he better be in that room. I've threatened to call at any time so he better be there to get it. And he always says that he isn't going anywhere and I can call whenever I want.

And Dig's comment regarding the strippers being gone once the money's gone, I had to LOL b/c maybe that's why he only was there 20 min b/c I know he couldn't have had much money on him.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

It in not OK for someones husband to spend his money and stare at some half naked skank so he can get physically aroused.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

Memento said:


> It in not OK for someones husband to spend his money and stare at some half naked skank so he can get physically aroused.


This is why I've been so angry about the whole thing. IMO, any woman who is willing to take her clothes off for money couldn't have much self-respect and certainly NO respect for relationships that these men are involved in. Even if he didn't spend a lot at this club, he still took money that we really did NOT have at the time (this was around Christmas 2012) and gave it to a *****. Sorry but that's what they are IMO. If I wanted to get on his level to "get him back" I would go to a strip club for women and pay and stare at naked men. However, that is not me and I have no desire to do that. Plus, why would I give a stranger my money, when one of our four kids always needs or wants something? Seriously.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

laya said:


> He said the only reason he went was because I had several guy friends on my facebook. He looked through my fb acct, even reading messages from the last two years and didn't find anything, yet he still felt the need to get me back for the people on my friends list.


How childish. Tell him to grow up. 

PS: Men do not hit strip clubs by themselves as its creepy or he has a regular girl he likes.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

i thought him going alone (he told me he was alone b/c i asked) was strange. he only went twice (I believe him, don't know why) and he no longer works in that town. he was only there for a short while. he said he noticed this club on his way to and from work - it was right off the interstate, very conveniently located, i guess.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

laya said:


> This is why I've been so angry about the whole thing. IMO, any woman who is willing to take her clothes off for money couldn't have much self-respect and certainly NO respect for relationships that these men are involved in. Even if he didn't spend a lot at this club, he still took money that we really did NOT have at the time (this was around Christmas 2012) and gave it to a *****. Sorry but that's what they are IMO. If I wanted to get on his level to "get him back" I would go to a strip club for women and pay and stare at naked men. However, that is not me and I have no desire to do that. Plus, why would I give a stranger my money, when one of our four kids always needs or wants something? Seriously.


You don't have to apologize to me. I am with you on this one, 100%. Even if he had spent $1, it would have been a buck too much! That $ could have been spent on doing something fun for the family, not on his insidious selfish needs.

I also find it VERY creepy that most men would like to go to such places in groups. What is the point of a group of men getting physically aroused together? Is it to compare? Urghh...


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

I guess I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around why it's okay for a stripper to rub all over a married man and what makes it okay is that he pays for it. Now, if a married man or woman went to a regular bar and someone of the opposite sex began rubbing all over him or her, that would NOT be okay. Why are people so relaxed about strip clubs? People who think strip clubs are no big deal...do these same people think that if you pay for sex with a prostitute, that's okay too??


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

You just asked the million dollar question laya!

It's about boundaries. Me for example: My wife and I go to a strip club together. Even though she's got no problem with me going with a bunch of guys, I haven't done that in like 8 years or so. I mean, if I'm gonna get hot and bothered I want my wife there!!

The difference for us is that we know who we're going home with at the end of the night. Together.

Honestly, the girls pay way more attention to her than they do to me :rofl:

Now, hookers...well...ummm...that's a total other pathology!


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

laya said:


> I guess I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around why it's okay for a stripper to rub all over a married man and what makes it okay is that he pays for it. Now, if a married man or woman went to a regular bar and someone of the opposite sex began rubbing all over him or her, that would NOT be okay. Why are people so relaxed about strip clubs? People who think strip clubs are no big deal...do these same people think that if you pay for sex with a prostitute, that's okay too??


I agree with you completely. I know many people won't agree with this, but in my opinion, strip clubs are a money making industry so like any thing where money is involved, society says it's ok. Women have been deluded into believing it should be acceptable (and if you are not ok with it you are a controlling b!tch) because it's one of those things that fulfill men and their 'needs'. Yes I know there are strip clubs for women but in all reality, I believe the only reason they exist is because strip clubs for men exist. I know people who go to strip clubs along with their SO but that is the exception to the rule, and also doesn't address the misogyny and objectification of women that is inherent in these places. I just find them so degrading.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

laya said: "This is why I've been so angry about the whole thing. IMO, any woman who is willing to take her clothes off for money couldn't have much self-respect and certainly NO respect for relationships that these men are involved in."

It will help you if you don't try to consider the mindset of the strippers. What they are doing and why they are doing it has nothing to do with your husband or why HE was there.

What is in his mind is all you need to worry about.

Try to have compassion for the strippers. They live very hard lives and it doesn't always turn out very pretty. They are usually there due to hardships in their lives. I'm not saying to pity them either, just saying try not to demonize them.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

I really don't think that strip clubs are a regular issue i'm going to have to deal with - i'm just trying to move past it. But, I don't want my man going to one to get aroused and then come home to me. If anything, if that's what's going on, I would turn him down. Whoever made the comment about "I don't care where he gets his appetite as long as he eats at home" is pathetic. IMO, if he gets his appetite somewhere else, then don't come home. And he knows that now too. He did tell me that he did not get turned on. Is it really possible for a man to see boobs and not get turned on? I know for a fact that this was not a high end strip club. Reviews said the strippers were mainly the 80's washed out type.

I know that around this time he was also encouraging me to not wear make up and pretty much dress like a mennonite. I didn't b/c I've always worn makeup and I have to look nice for my job - I'm a financial analyst with an m & a firm. It's like he was acting as if he was afraid someone was going to steal me away. There is no possibility of that b/c I don't want anyone else. If he were to leave me tomorrow, my resolve would be to stay single. Also, I don't come into contact with anyone. I work in an office alone a lot of time and the only other person I see besides my boss is my mother, people at the grocery store when I take my mother to the store, daycare staff and our kids.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

toomuchtotell said:


> I agree with you completely. I know many people won't agree with this, but in my opinion, strip clubs are a money making industry so like any thing where money is involved, society says it's ok. Women have been deluded into believing it should be acceptable (and if you are not ok with it you are a controlling b!tch) because it's one of those things that fulfill men and their 'needs'. Yes I know there are strip clubs for women but in all reality, I believe the only reason they exist is because strip clubs for men exist. I know people who go to strip clubs along with their SO but that is the exception to the rule, and also doesn't address the misogyny and objectification of women that is inherent in these places. I just find them so degrading.


This is why so many women fought for gender equality and to be taken serious... So some could just take their clothes off and degrade themselves. Just like pornography.
This just makes me angry!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Oh, boy...let's not go down this road...


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> laya said: "IMO, any woman who is willing to take her clothes off for money couldn't have much self-respect and certainly NO respect for relationships that these men are involved in."


I didn't mean to come off as a self-righteous b*tch with this comment. I know that many are single mothers trying to provide for the kids and others who have issues and just trying to make it. I guess my anger is directed towards men in general who think this is okay. They view these women as objects that don't have thoughts and feelings and are only there for men's pleasure. Men really SUCK sometimes. Can you read my anger building?? I betting quit posting lol!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

laya said: "They view these women as objects that don't have thoughts and feelings and are only their for men's pleasure."

Yes, but in return the strippers see these men as nothing more than a penis with a wallet. So it is a fair exchange of disrespect.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> strippers see these men as nothing more than a penis with a wallet. So it is a fair exchange of disrespect.


I must agree with this. Both sides are idiots then.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

laya said:


> Is it typical for a guy to go and just watch and turn down the dances?


It's not typical. But maybe your husband knew you would have a conniption if he got a table dance.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Memento said:


> What does a married man expect to find in those places?


Uh ... boobs?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Memento said:


> I also find it VERY creepy that most men would like to go to such places in groups. What is the point of a group of men getting physically aroused together? Is it to compare? Urghh...


Men are different than women. Men like being enticed. It's entertaining. Women like to entice. That's why women don't usually go to strip clubs. More often, women will dress up sexy, go to a club with their friends, and shake their assets in front of men who are seeking casual sex. It's just a difference in how we think, I guess.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> Uh ... boobs?


Your Gf or wife's are not enough?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

laya said:


> I didn't mean to come off as a self-righteous b*tch with this comment. I know that many are single mothers trying to provide for the kids and others who have issues and just trying to make it. I guess my anger is directed towards men in general who think this is okay. They view these women as objects that don't have thoughts and feelings and are only there for men's pleasure. Men really SUCK sometimes. Can you read my anger building?? *I betting quit posting *lol!


At least on this subject 

And I do respectfully disagree with most of what you have said and how you perceive this issue as it pertains to others and their relationships.

While I do fundamentally disagree with you on this, I do think it is good that you are willing to set a boundary for yourself and your relationship, and are willing to stick with it.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

laya said:


> I guess I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around why it's okay for a stripper to rub all over a married man and what makes it okay is that he pays for it. Now, if a married man or woman went to a regular bar and someone of the opposite sex began rubbing all over him or her, that would NOT be okay. Why are people so relaxed about strip clubs? People who think strip clubs are no big deal...do these same people think that if you pay for sex with a prostitute, that's okay too??


I think the differentiating factor is the sex. I mean, you don't get upset if a female doctor fondles your husband, right? That's because she's not going to have sex with him.

It's kind of the same thing with strippers. If men are looking for sex, they don't go to a strip club. They go to a regular bar. Or, they pay for a prostitute.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Memento said:


> Your Gf or wife's are not enough?


My wife's are great. But, she's only got two of them.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> Men are different than women. Men like being enticed. It's entertaining. Women like to entice. That's why women don't usually go to strip clubs. More often, women will dress up sexy, go to a club with their friends, and shake their assets in front of men who are seeking casual sex. It's just a difference in how we think, I guess.


I have concluded it is mostly an american phenomenon. 

BTW, I used to dress very nicely when I used to go out with my friends. I did it for myself, for the most part. And I certainly wasn't looking or ever had casual sex with any man.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> My wife's are great. But, she's only got two of them.


If they are great why bother looking at others? Quantity is not quality.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> I think the differentiating factor is the sex. I mean, you don't get upset if a female doctor fondles your husband, right? That's because she's not going to have sex with him.
> 
> It's kind of the same thing with strippers. If men are looking for sex, they don't go to a strip club. They go to a regular bar. Or, they pay for a prostitute.


I really don't think my husband is going to get turned on by a female doctor yanking at his balls.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

PHT said: _"I think the differentiating factor is the sex. I mean, you don't get upset if a female doctor fondles your husband, right? That's because she's not going to have sex with him.

It's kind of the same thing with strippers. If men are looking for sex, they don't go to a strip club. They go to a regular bar. Or, they pay for a prostitute."_

But the female doctor isn't fondling him with the purpose of sexually exciting him, and the stripper is.

Also, where I live, you CAN get sex at a strip club and many men actually want to date the strippers. So I wouldn't say that all men go to strip clubs "just to look".


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

laya said:


> Whoever made the comment about "I don't care where he gets his appetite as long as he eats at home" is pathetic. IMO, if he gets his appetite somewhere else, then don't come home.


I have bad news for you. Men can get aroused from women who are not strippers. Men can get aroused by the attractive bank teller, or the woman on the subway. If you insist that your husband not get aroused by other women, then you will need to insulate him from other women. Perhaps a deserted island would be in order?



> Is it really possible for a man to see boobs and not get turned on?


Yes.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I always thought men enjoyed strip clubs so they get to feel like they're hot and sexy bc some gorgeous female is fawning all over them.Doesn't matter if they're being paid to do it.I've been to a few strip clubs back when I was with my ex.The girls went wild over the wives in the club which was surprising.They seemed to enjoy the females more than the men.Probably grateful to get money without the groping hands along with it.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Bingo!!



faithful wife said:


> but the female doctor isn't fondling him with the purpose of sexually exciting him, and the stripper is.
> 
> Also, where i live, you can get sex at a strip club and many men actually want to date the strippers. So i wouldn't say that all men go to strip clubs "just to look".


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

laya said:


> I must agree with this. Both sides are idiots then IN MY OPINION.


fixed it for you.

I don't think strippers are idiots at all actually.They're getting paid to look hot and dance.It isn't a lifetime career.Most of them are using it to get to better places in life.They know men will keep throwing money at them as long as they look good.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

SB said: "The girls went wild over the wives in the club which was surprising.They seemed to enjoy the females more than the men.Probably grateful to get money without the groping hands along with it."

Yes, the strippers LOVE when women come in....women are fun and flirty. We get lap dances, too. Strippers get tired of pretending to want to f*ck creepy men. So when a woman comes in, hooray! She can pretend she wants to f*ck a pretty lady who smells nice instead!


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> I have bad news for you. Men can get aroused from women who are not strippers. Men can get aroused by the attractive bank teller, or the woman on the subway. If you insist that your husband not get aroused by other women, then you will need to insulate him from other women. Perhaps a deserted island would be in order?
> 
> 
> Yes.


Okay. I know he is not dead and is not blind. I don't have a problem with him thinking the bank teller is hot or the waitress at the restaurant. I have a problem with him going to see naked women who are going to show him sexual attention and then expect money. The bank teller and the waitress are not flashing their boobs at him...well, maybe the waitress just a little...they just opened a tilted kilt here lol. but you get my point.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

A fool and is money are soon parted.



ScarletBegonias said:


> fixed it for you.
> 
> I don't think strippers are idiots at all actually.They're getting paid to look hot and dance.It isn't a lifetime career.Most of them are using it to get to better places in life.They know men will keep throwing money at them as long as they look good.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

toomuchtotell said:


> I know people who go to strip clubs along with their SO but that is the exception to the rule, and also doesn't address the misogyny and objectification of women that is inherent in these places. I just find them so degrading.


I think it's more misogynistic to exclude women from certain jobs. I mean, most strippers aren't doing it because they grew up dreaming of the glamorous life of stripping. And quitting to pursue a degree in womyn's studies isn't really an option for most of them.

I'm just not comfortable telling a woman that she shouldn't have the right to choose to make up to $100k a year from stripping because I find it objectionable. Instead, she will have to get by on $19k a year in a more acceptable job. That really is the choice for some of the girls.


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Also, where I live, you CAN get sex at a strip club and many men actually want to date the strippers. So I wouldn't say that all men go to strip clubs "just to look".


Yep, my husband's friend regularly dates strippers he meets at clubs. I think too much porn screwed up his vision of what a woman should be like. Also, not all clubs prohibit touching.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"....the right to choose to make up to $100k a year..."

I don't know where or why people come up with numbers like this. It simply isn't reality for 99% of them.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> I think it's more misogynistic to exclude women from certain jobs. I mean, most strippers aren't doing it because they grew up dreaming of the glamorous life of stripping. And quitting to pursue a degree in womyn's studies isn't really an option for most of them.
> 
> I'm just not comfortable telling a woman that she shouldn't have the right to choose to make up to $100k a year from stripping because I find it objectionable. Instead, she will have to get by on $19k a year in a more acceptable job. That really is the choice for some of the girls.


What is objectionable is that we, society, find this ok. $100k will probably get you a lot. But it will not buy you self respect.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

maybe girls in high end clubs in la or las vegas make $100K but i just don't see it with clubs where they are average looking and older.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

laya said:


> What do you think about a married man visiting a strip club alone? My husband admitted to visiting one twice while working away. He said he only stayed about 20 min and didn't get a lapdance or any other service. He's never frequented these places but it was very hurtful to me. I'm having a hard time getting the images of him oogling naked chics and throwing our hard earned money at them out of my head. I know he didn't hand over much because we didn't have a lot at the time and no unusual amount of money was missing from our account. But, am I the only wife who thinks this is inappropriate? He said the only reason he went was because I had several guy friends on my facebook. He looked through my fb acct, even reading messages from the last two years and didn't find anything, yet he still felt the need to get me back for the people on my friends list. I've since deleted the fb acct - don't need it if it's going to cause problems or make him doubt me. But, I'm still having a hard time getting over this. And I am in counseling, not only b/c of this, but other personal issues.
> 
> I would like the opinions of other women who've dealt with the same thing. I would also like some of the men to describe a typical evening in a strip club. I've thought about going to one myself just to observe. Maybe they aren't as bad as what I'm imagining.



"I have no interest in a GNO and my husband doesn't seem interested in going anywhere without his family."

This is a post from your thread about your friend who stayed out til 4am. So color me confused...if your husband isn't interested in doing things without family as of this post,when did he tell you about the strip club thing? The posts are a day apart I think.

Also,he sounds immature and manipulative.He saw male friends on your fb,didn't find anything suspicious,didn't mention it to you yet felt the need to "get back" at you by going to a strip club?? 
Not even touching what's wrong or what isn't wrong about strip clubs,focus on WHY this man feels the need to blame shift.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

laya said:


> I really don't think that strip clubs are a regular issue i'm going to have to deal with - i'm just trying to move past it. But, I don't want my man going to one to get aroused and then come home to me. If anything, if that's what's going on, I would turn him down. Whoever made the comment about "I don't care where he gets his appetite as long as he eats at home" is pathetic. IMO, if he gets his appetite somewhere else, then don't come home. And he knows that now too. He did tell me that he did not get turned on. *Is it really possible for a man to see boobs and not get turned on*? I know for a fact that this was not a high end strip club. Reviews said the strippers were mainly the 80's washed out type...


Yes it is. My SO's boob's are spectacular, absolutely flawless in my opinion, and are part of the reason I fell in love with her. They turn me on. I can look at other boobs objectively and recognize that they are nice, and not be turned on by them in the slightest. 

I get the feeling that you do not really understand male sexuality very well beyond societal stereotypes that men get hard and ready with the slightest breeze.


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> I think it's more misogynistic to exclude women from certain jobs. I mean, most strippers aren't doing it because they grew up dreaming of the glamorous life of stripping. And quitting to pursue a degree in womyn's studies isn't really an option for most of them.
> 
> I'm just not comfortable telling a woman that she shouldn't have the right to choose to make up to $100k a year from stripping because I find it objectionable. Instead, she will have to get by on $19k a year in a more acceptable job. That really is the choice for some of the girls.


It's not about excluding women from jobs, it's about the existence of the industry (and job) itself, and the wives sitting at home (or doing whatever they are doing) while their husbands are indulging in it. That being said, it's different if you are single and you go. A place where mostly naked women rub up on you is not a place for a married man, regardless if it's paid for or not.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Even the young pretty ones where I live *NEVER* make that much money. What happens is, sure, they might have a great night or two where they net $200 per hour. But they don't work 40 hours per week at $200 per hour, nor do they make the $200 per hour for every hour worked.

For a woman who is a full time stripper in my area (meaning, no other income source), she will typically net about $600 - $700 per week, cash. Which is still much less than most jobs. Strip clubs are not open 24/7 and they aren't full of men every moment. There is competition among the strippers. It isn't just a constant cash flow like some people seem to think. I have often wondered if men want to believe the strippers make loads of money, so they can figure it is a fair deal. The reality is much different.

Plus...no medical or dental benefits, usually no social security or unemployment being put in for you...so when you factor in having to pay out of pocket for all your medical and dental, strippers aren't dripping in money, ever. I only know a few personally, but THEY know many other strippers...and I hear stories about them. I never hear happy ending stories where a stripper made $100K per year, invested it well, and retired young.

Also the "sweet young thang paying her way through college" is rare, too. 

Usually, strippers have drug habits they are trying to pay for, not college.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> But the female doctor isn't fondling him with the purpose of sexually exciting him, and the stripper is.


Yes they're trying to entice. But many people do that. Commercials try to entice. Hooters waitresses are trying to entice. And I know female doctors who have unintentionally enticed male patients. The point is that the men aren't realistically expecting sex.



> Also, where I live, you CAN get sex at a strip club and many men actually want to date the strippers. So I wouldn't say that all men go to strip clubs "just to look".


In my neck of the woods, the guy who has sex with a stripper is an urban legend. Everybody knows a guy who knows a guy who had sex with a stripper. But nobody IS that guy.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> "I have no interest in a GNO and my husband doesn't seem interested in going anywhere without his family."
> 
> This is a post from your thread about your friend who stayed out til 4am. So color me confused...if your husband isn't interested in doing things without family as of this post,when did he tell you about the strip club thing? The posts are a day apart I think.
> 
> ...


yes i did say that in that post. and i guess i failed to mention that he went on and on about my facebook account which is why i deleted it. if it caused him this much heartache, there was no need to have it. and he doesn't seem interested in going anywhere without his family. the two strip club visits are the only times he has ever done anything that makes me question things. i mean if he had a choice of going out with his buddies or doing something with the family, he would choose his family. he's always been this way. i know it's immature, but i think that he went to the strip clubs knowing i wouldn't approve just as he didn't approve of fb. why am i defending myself?? you seem to be out to get me.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"But nobody IS that guy."

I have personally dated two guys who have dated strippers. Not an urban legend at all. Also nothing to brag about as strippers are people too, afterall.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

laya said:


> yes i did say that in that post. and i guess i failed to mention that he went on and on about my facebook account which is why i deleted it. if it caused him this much heartache, there was no need to have it. and he doesn't seem interested in going anywhere without his family. the two strip club visits are the only times he has ever done anything that makes me question things. i mean if he had a choice of going out with his buddies or doing something with the family, he would choose his family. he's always been this way. i know it's immature, but i think that he went to the strip clubs knowing i wouldn't approve just as he didn't approve of fb. why am i defending myself?? you seem to be out to get me.


Why do you feel the need to defend yourself? The thought that a person you don't know is "out to get you" based on a post on a forum is kinda ridiculous hon and I'm sorry you took my post that way. I'm trying to understand the timeline here,nothing more.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

laya said:


> maybe girls in high end clubs in la or las vegas make $100K but i just don't see it with clubs where they are average looking and older.


Well, in my defense, I said "up to" as a qualifier. However, my point still stands that stripping can provide an attractive income for a young girl with little, or no, education and skills.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

the timeline..he went to the strip club back in dec 2012. i asked him about it in april and that's when he told me he went. i made the post about him not going anywhere without his family or whatever i said yesterday. today i'm asking about strip clubs.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> Well, in my defense, I said "up to" as a qualifier. However, my point still stands that stripping can provide an attractive income for a young girl with little, or no, education and skills.


i can agree with that. i'm sure it pays more than some other more noble jobs with less working hours. but, i would rather scrub toilets than rub myself on a man that turned my stomach.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I became casual friends with a stripper years ago.She said once upon a time she'd rather clean bed pans and mop floors than degrade herself by stripping.
She got pregnant,the dad abandoned her.She never saw her baby bc she was working several jobs to care for him and still barely making it.She started stripping and going to school.

She's an RN now.She thinks that strip club was a godsend. 

It's all about where you've been and what you've been through. Never say never basically.


on the original post,your husband was petty,wrong,and hopefully he isn't going to put the marriage through another trip to the strip club.
If I was in your shoes I don't think I'd be able to take his word for it that he's not going any more though.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> on the original post,your husband was petty,wrong,and hopefully he isn't going to put the marriage through another trip to the strip club.
> If I was in your shoes I don't think I'd be able to take his word for it that he's not going any more though.


this is the hard part. but, he's never done anything in the past up until that point for me to ever doubt his word. never a strange number on his cell phone, no strange acting, just no signs of anything. and even in his single life he wasn't a regular at these places...his family told me that and he said he went maybe four times in his single life. i guess you can never really know? expect the worst and pray for the best is how i see it. and sorry...i shouldn't have gotten so defensive over your post  every time this topic comes up, i get defensive, no matter who i'm discussing it with.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

laya said:


> every time this topic comes up, i get defensive, no matter who i'm discussing it with.


Unfortunately, that happens with a lot of people who start threads. An OP will put a question like "What are your thoughts about..." and then get all pissed off when people give their thoughts.

I sometimes hate this place.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Memento said:


> What does a married man expect to find in those places?


Hot, gorgeous, nude women who at least pretend to like them and know when to talk and when to STFU.

That's the appeal.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Hot, gorgeous, nude women who at least pretend to like them and know when to talk and when to STFU.
> 
> That's the appeal.


yup:iagree:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You know laya....it might be a fun thing for YOU to strip for your H. Go look up some youtube on "how to strip for your man" (there are hundreds of them), get some practice, set the scene, dim the lights, turn on his favorite type of music or whatever makes you want to move, hand him some dollar bills....and do your thing. Make him never want to go to a nasty club again!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Hot, gorgeous, nude women who at least pretend to like them and know when to talk and when to STFU.
> 
> That's the appeal.


Rocket science!


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> Unfortunately, that happens with a lot of people who start threads. An OP will put a question like "What are your thoughts about..." and then get all pissed off when people give their thoughts.
> 
> I sometimes hate this place.


please don't hate this place...i was liking your insights on the motorcycle thing


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

laya I hope you saw my post at the bottom of page 5!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Memento said:


> This is why so many women fought for gender equality and to be taken serious... So some could just take their clothes off and degrade themselves. Just like pornography.
> This just makes me angry!


No actually women (and men) fought for gender equality so that women would have the freedom to pursue whatever career they wanted and NOT be judged, penalized, or degraded for doing so by men AND other women.

Turning your nose up at women who strip, or do porn, because they don't view their bodies as defiled or degraded by their job in the way you do is actually the antithesis of true feminism.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> You know laya....it might be a fun thing for YOU to strip for your H. Go look up some youtube on "how to strip for your man" (there are hundreds of them), get some practice, set the scene, dim the lights, turn on his favorite type of music or whatever makes you want to move, hand him some dollar bills....and do your thing. Make him never want to go to a nasty club again!


Why on earth would she want to degrade herself so horribly like that?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Huh? Hope that was a joke.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Why on earth would she want to degrade herself so horribly like that?


lol! i wouldn't but the suggestion was nice. it's more like i'll take his money and go shopping and i don't have to work for his money. but, i get what she's saying. i can do things for him so that he never thinks about going to those places ever again...and i've come along way in that department since he told me. if anyone is enticing him it should be me is what faithful is getting at. and if it's a wife doing it for her husband, i really don't think it's degrading as long as he isn't seeking attention somewhere else and it's her last ditch effort to pull him back.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

laya said:


> please don't hate this place...i was liking your insights on the motorcycle thing


LOL...I only hate it sometimes.

You're new here, which is cool. What you're going to see is people put their stamp on every thread. In the CWI section I'm pretty much known as the reconciliation guy. I look to help people who want to give it a chance. People will ALWAYS go into a thread where someone says "I want to reconcile" and they will say "Dump their cheating ass!".

Like you asking about the strip club thing, and certain posters come in simply to gripe and/or complain about strip clubs..when that wasn't the intent of the thread question or even the issue that you have about your husband going to them.

Too many here can be One Size Fits All and that's a shame cuz every single story is a person on the other side of the screen (unless they're trolling) and they have feelings and real issues.

Hopefully, I didn't come off as too much of a jerkface. If I did, sorry 'bout that. I just don't care for it when people have this rigid board mentality without understanding that sometimes...on occasion...people actually think differently


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Do you really think it would be degrading, laya? :scratchhead:

Huh. Ok.

I love stripping for my man, I'm very good at it. I love HIM stripping for me, too....talk about fun times!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

laya said:


> lol! i wouldn't but the suggestion was nice. it's more like i'll take his money and go shopping and i don't have to work for his money. but, i get what she's saying. i can do things for him so that he never thinks about going to those places ever again...and i've come along way in that department since he told me. if anyone is enticing him it should be me is what faithful is getting at.


Glad you picked up on that. My comment was entirely tongue in cheek.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Do you really think it would be degrading, laya? :scratchhead:
> 
> Huh. Ok.
> 
> I love stripping for my man, I'm very good at it. I love HIM stripping for me, too....talk about fun times!


not degrading as like i mentioned, he isn't still seeking attention elsewhere and it's a last attempt to keep him b/c that would just be desperate. but if it's done in a loving relationship, then no it's not degrading especially if you're into it. i imagine it could be quite fun.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

jaquen said:


> No actually women (and men) fought for gender equality so that women would have the freedom to pursue whatever career they wanted and NOT be judged, penalized, or degraded for doing so by men AND other women.
> 
> Turning your nose up at women who strip, or do porn, because they don't view their bodies as defiled or degraded by their job in the way you do is actually the antithesis of true feminism.


Christy Hefner ran Playboy from 1982 til 2009!! She is a BIG time feminist/activist. Jenna Jameson in 2007 made $30 million as an actress/producer in the adult industry. Both women prove that females in adult entertainment are not idiots. They ain't the only ones doing it either.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Memento said:


> I have concluded it is mostly an american phenomenon.


You concluded wrong.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Do you really think it would be degrading, laya? :scratchhead:
> 
> Huh. Ok.
> 
> I love stripping for my man, I'm very good at it. I love HIM stripping for me, too....talk about fun times!


I really hope she doesn't. I love when my woman strips for me. Knowing that it is for my sexual pleasure given to me by her really turns me on, unlike the women in the clubs which don't.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes, I didn't mean to do it because if you don't, he will go back to strip clubs. I meant to do it because it is fun and sexy for you both. I just threw it in there about "make him never want to go to one again" as a joke, not to mean you have to compete with the strippers for his attention.

Do you two have a happy sex life?

If you do, stripping for each other can add a lot of fun times.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Do you two have a happy sex life?
> 
> If you do, stripping for each other can add a lot of fun times.


I sure can't complain  He loves the stuff I have from Victoria's Secret. He likes taking it off too lol!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

See when you play "strip club" at home...the rules can be all different. Touching and removing the clothes is allowed. So much fun! It can make your confidence soar, too.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

toomuchtotell said:


> It's not about excluding women from jobs, it's about the existence of the industry (and job) itself, and the wives sitting at home (or doing whatever they are doing) while their husbands are indulging in it. That being said, it's different if you are single and you go. * A place where mostly naked women rub up on you is not a place for a married man, regardless if it's paid for or not.*


That's really none of your business. There are wives and husbands who have absolutely no problem with either visiting strip clubs. Because that works for their marriage.

I am all of people setting, and standing by, the boundaries that work for _their _marriage. The trouble comes when you start to dictate other people's marriages by what is, and is not, acceptable in your own.

This leads to nowhere good.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

i feel better about posting on this thread today with everyone's input than i have in months! thank you! i promised my husband i would only discuss my concerns with people with objective views such as my counselor and now you guys. family members and friends tend to cast a more negative light on my marital concerns which is why i made him that promise. and i've kept to it. i've been feeling a little down, but feel better after today. venting really does help and i think venting to strangers is even better than to people you know b/c they are able to remain so objective.

for example, when i first told my sister and best friend about the strip club, they both reacted with "get rid of him" and my sister really likes my husband. and of course these reactions make me act in a negative way towards him. but you all make me feel like a strip club is not the end of the world or a marriage. future visits are still not acceptable, but i do believe i can get past what i know. i will still think about it, but maybe not obsess quite as much.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

The chances are good that your husband might visit another strip club. If he felt the need to lie about the reasons he went, and did all this blameshifting, the issue could be FAR deeper than you think.

So make sure you make it crystal clear to him that you're going to divorce him if you find out he went to another club. If he's got a habit this will likely push it further into the dark but at least you'll have stated your limits.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

jaquen said:


> So make sure you make it crystal clear to him that you're going to divorce him if you find out he went to another club. If he's got a habit this will likely push it further into the dark but at least you'll have stated your limits.


Believe me, I've made it crystal clear in more ways than one. I don't think it's a habit and it's never been an issue before this. If I get super suspicious, I'll hire a detective and they WILL catch him. I know one where he's working now. But, I don't think it will come to that, but if it does....I got my bases covered.

Since telling me, he's probably suffered more than he ever thought possible.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

and i believe he is not doing things on the side because he really does seem to look forward to coming home and he enjoys doing family stuff and enjoys stuff like sewing...we were at one time making a quilt together, but i put the sewing machine away b/c i got busy with other stuff and got tired of cleaning around it....but we've been enjoying working in the garden together, baking bread, yes he helps me make homemade bread lol! and he loves it. he plays games with the kids and we recently took them to the lawn party in our town and we had a blast with the kids. not to mention, we are planning on taking our boat out a lot this summer. he's always talking about what we, as a family are going to do. he never makes plans to go away or do anything solo...never.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

jaquen said:


> No actually women (and men) fought for gender equality so that women would have the freedom to pursue whatever career they wanted and NOT be judged, penalized, or degraded for doing so by men AND other women.
> 
> Turning your nose up at women who strip, or do porn, because they don't view their bodies as defiled or degraded by their job in the way you do is actually the antithesis of true feminism.


No. Women fought for equal salaries, the right to work, maternity leave, right to vote, repeal sexual harassment, social equality, etc. I am pretty sure those women did not think that being a porn actress or a stripper were something to aspire or fundamental right.


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

and strip clubs just don't seem to fit in with his personality. it is difficult for anyone on here to think that he won't go again b/c you don't know his personality like i do obviously. he is quiet and seems happy with his family life. don't get me wrong, we have issues. but, i've detached from him when necessary and i don't make his problems my problems. but all in all, things are looking better every day.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Memento said: "I am pretty sure those women did not think that being a porn actress or a stripper were something to aspire or fundamental right."

I'm pretty sure they DID feel this was a fundamental right, because it IS one, and a woman who makes this career choice shouldn't have to be degraded for making it. Many feminists actually champion for things like health benefits for strippers, precisely because strippers are treated like trash by the very employers who hire them. 

There is a movement in my city to improve the treatment of strippers so that they can be considered employees, at the very least. Much of this movement is backed by feminists and the ACLU.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Memento said:


> No. Women fought for equal salaries, the right to work, maternity leave, right to vote, repeal sexual harassment, social equality, etc. I am pretty sure those women did not think that being a porn actress or a stripper were something to aspire or fundamental right.


There are actually quite a few feminist figures who strongly believe that women have the right to engage in sex work freely, unashamedly, and from an empowered place.

You are objecting to sex work based off moral grounds. Fine, well, and good. But don't use feminism to mask your moral distaste. A woman who makes an uncoerced choice to take her clothes off and doesn't feel ashamed about it is in no way, shape, or form violating any feminist ideal. She has the right to exercise her freedoms by doing a perfectly legal job and to be compensated with fair wages for that job and decent working conditions. That is the extent to which feminism should in this discussion. The feminists helps the stripper with her wage and work conditions, he/she doesn't tell her that she's degrading herself by choosing this line of work.

Nobody rallied for feminist ideals for the express purpose of getting women off a pole anymore than people took up the civil rights battle to ensure Blacks no longer had to work as servants.

It's suppose to be about choice.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Memento said: "I am pretty sure those women did not think that being a porn actress or a stripper were something to aspire or fundamental right."
> 
> I'm pretty sure they DID feel this was a fundamental right, because it IS one, and a woman who makes this career choice shouldn't have to be degraded for making it. Many feminists actually champion for things like health benefits for strippers, precisely because strippers are treated like trash by the very employers who hire them.
> 
> There is a movement in my city to improve the treatment of strippers so that they can be considered employees, at the very least. Much of this movement is backed by feminists and the ACLU.


First of all it is a positive thing that there are programs that IMPROVE THE TREATMENT OF STRIPPERS. And my guess is that program that you mention that would fall in the category of improving the work conditions and labor law, in general, which I mentioned before. I didn't wrote anywhere that strippers (or porn actresses) should be disrespected. 

Also I cant think of any true feminist who fought for the right to be a stripper. But for improving labor condition, I could name you a few.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

It is about choice, no doubt. But it is supposed to be a question of dignity as well.



jaquen said:


> There are actually quite a few feminist figures who strongly believe that women have the right to engage in sex work freely, unashamedly, and from an empowered place.
> 
> You are objecting to sex work based off moral grounds. Fine, well, and good. But don't use feminism to mask your moral distaste. A woman who makes an uncoerced choice to take her clothes off and doesn't feel ashamed about it is in no way, shape, or form violating any feminist ideal. She has the right to exercise her freedoms by doing a perfectly legal job and to be compensated with fair wages for that job and decent working conditions. That is the extent to which feminism should in this discussion. The feminists helps the stripper with her wage and work conditions, he/she doesn't tell her that she's degrading herself by choosing this line of work.
> 
> ...


I think you are talking about far left wing crazies with a disturbed notion of reality.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"Also I cant think of any true feminist who fought for the right to be a stripper."

How many strippers do you know personally in order to ask one?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Memento said:


> I didn't wrote anywhere that strippers (or porn actresses) should be disrespected.


Hmm...



Memento said:


> This is why so many women fought for gender equality and to be taken serious... So some could just take their clothes off and degrade themselves. Just like pornography.
> This just makes me angry!


So what does the fight for gender equality have to do with adult women choosing to strip or act in porn movies when men likewise strip and act in porn movies? If anything male sex workers, on average, get far less work and make far less money than their female counterparts.

And that these women are "degrading themselves" is a personal opinion that you carry but it has nothing whatsoever to do with the fight for gender equality.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Memento said:


> It is about choice, no doubt. But it is supposed to be a question of dignity as well.


But who gets to define what qualifies as "dignified"? 

There are people who believe it's undignified for a Black man and a White woman to wed and have children.

Again you're mistakenly using feminism to back your personal moral outrage. 



Memento said:


> I think you are talking about far left wing crazies with a disturbed notion of reality.


So anybody who disagrees with you on stripping and sex work is a "left wing crazy" who has a "disturbed notion of reality"?


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

How many strippers do you know that champion openly and actively women rights? How many of them enjoy their line of work?



Faithful Wife said:


> "Also I cant think of any true feminist who fought for the right to be a stripper."
> 
> How many strippers do you know personally in order to ask one?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"How many strippers do you know that champion openly and actively women rights?"

I know a handful of them and they all openly champion women's rights. What is so hard to understand about that? Do you think these women have no brains?

As for enjoying their line of work...some do, some don't, just like other jobs. Many of them love it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I know a few that are prostitutes, porn stars, and escorts, too. All of them champion women's rights.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I'm not going to defend or attack your husband for going to a strip club, but I will say this. He's less likely to actually cheat on you if he goes to a strip club then if he were hanging out at a meat market bar. Strippers typically do not go home with random customers, but patrons of a meat market bar are specifically there to hook up. Strippers try to extract as much money from their customers by doing the least amount of "work". Some men will go to strip clubs even when their needs are being met at home and others will go because they are not. You need to decide which one your husband is and act accordingly. You seem overly upset by him looking at other women in my opinion. He can do this anywhere he goes and like most other men he will. If you think your the only person who turns him on then your being immature and setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. No man can live up to that expectation.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

They disrespect themselves. Does not mean they should be disrespected.



jaquen said:


> Hmm...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

That is not what statistics say. 



Faithful Wife said:


> "How many strippers do you know that champion openly and actively women rights?"
> 
> I know a handful of them and they all openly champion women's rights. What is so hard to understand about that? Do you think these women have no brains?
> 
> As for enjoying their line of work...some do, some don't, just like other jobs. Many of them love it.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ummm...Gloria Steinham was one of the first to take on the adult industry for female working rights. And...umm...she's a feminist.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Memento said:


> How many strippers do you know that champion openly and actively women rights? How many of them enjoy their line of work?


One of my wife's best friends spent time as a stripper back in college. She didn't feel at all ashamed about it. She used the money to support her lifestyle and schooling to become a nurse. She's definitely a feminist. She's unmarried, enjoys a very comfortable, independent lifestyle as a travel nurse and feels no need to conform to social expectations that she must have a baby and give up her lifestyle for a man.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

I think you need to google her and what is her point of view on pornography. 



SomedayDig said:


> Ummm...Gloria Steinham was one of the first to take on the adult industry for female working rights. And...umm...she's a feminist.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

What statistics are you reading, Memento? And do they include the thoughts and feelings of burlesque dancers and showgirls who are nude? How about chorus and stage dancers who are sometimes nude? 

Some people really don't consider their own nudity to be something that is degrading to be paid to see.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Well, it has been fun. But my family needs me! I hope you'll have a wonderful evening.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Memento said:


> Also I cant think of any true feminist who fought for the right to be a stripper.


Nadine Strossen, past president of the ACLU, wrote "Defending Pornography: Free Speech, Sex, and the Fight for Women's Rights." She's a card-carrying liberal feminist who believes that women should be free to have distasteful jobs.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Memento said:


> *They disrespect themselves. *Does not mean they should be disrespected.


According to you. But, again, what does this have to do with feminism and the fight for gender equality?



Memento said:


> That is not what statistics say.


What statistics? Link?


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

wow, I've started some kind of thread lol!


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## confused55 (Apr 30, 2011)

laya,

If you're not comfortable with it, ask him not to go, period.

My husband started to go to strip bars (i didn't know about it) and this lead to going to erotic massages. Just the next step.

If he ever goes to see strippers again, he's gone because he screwed up so bad. I won't tolerate any of that type of thing in the future.

I wish I would have found out and locked down on him long time ago.


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