# Well, I did it -- Let the battle begin



## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

So, I finally decided on a lawyer and honestly, she scared me and she is on my side. She thinks that the kids current schedule with them going to the stbxh house in the middle of the week is crazy and that a judge won't care for that much b/c they are so young. 

Here is what I am asking for:

** Physical custody of the kids
** Child Support based on having physical custody
** 2 years to refinance the house b/c I just went FT at my job
** Alimony
** No opposite sex in home while kids are there 6 months
** Him to pay back my lawyer fees b/c of his affair

She seems to think that i have a good case, but don't they all tell you that? I am not trying to keeo him from the kids and he is welcome to ask me to see them at anytime, just not for overnights outside of the two nights a week that he has them. On his other day off, I also put in there that he can have them for dinner dates from noon until 6pm if he would like.

I expected him to blow up when he found out that I got a lawyer, but I haven't said anything to him and he hasn't said anything to me about it.

He finally admitted to me last Sat that he has been involved with someone else since May. Yep, the same month that he decided to give up on me and earning my trust back. He went straight from her to me. This OW isn't the same one that he had the affair with though, it is someone new and I honestly have no idea who it is and I don't really care as long as he keeps her away from my kids.

As for me, I am doing better on most days. I still have my days where I am upset but I don't want him back -- I want what I thought marriage was supposed to be back. He actually makes me sick and disgusts me now. I am at the point of indifference and I don't reach out to him anymore and I don't try to understand why he did what he did. I now know that he picked another woman, a rebound, over his family. He can put the blame on me all that he wants, but I know the truth and I know that I did everything that I could to save my marriage. When this new relationship blows up in his face, b/c it will, I will be strong enough to tell him to go take a hike!

I am sorry that I haven't updated but I have been working on journaling and making sure that I am being as healthy as I can for myself and my kids. I also started working fulltime again and that has been rough b/c I work third shift and although I work from home, I am tired all the time but it is worth it.

I will update once his lawyer gets my separation agreement b/c I know that is when things are going to get nasty again. I honestly feel bad b/c what has been calculated is a lot more than his $500 that he is paying me right now .. it is more than double that and I worry about him being able to make it financially but I can't worry about that, right?


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

No, you can't worry about that. He made the choice to have an affair and end the marriage. Paying alimony and support is part of the consequences of those choices. He can get a second job if he needs to. But nothing to do with you. 

You sound like you are on a great path. Good for you! Keep trucking along.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

He has his chance, and he will someday regret it.

You have to take care of yourself and your children, so you are taking the correct steps. 

Let your attorney fight your battle with him. 

Here is hoping you and your kids will adjust to the mess that he created. Do something positive for you and your children.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Sherri, so glad to hear from you and you sound like you're doing good!

Keep it up and stay strong girl!!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

What you may get depends on the state and how long you've been married. Sometimes you don't get both child support and alimony, and often alimony is temporary. If he wants joint custody, many states now award it - they are his kids too, after all. However, sometimes cheating is factored into the judge's decision. Anyway, whatever is best for the kids (and state law) will probably be the deciding factors.


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> What you may get depends on the state and how long you've been married. Sometimes you don't get both child support and alimony, and often alimony is temporary. If he wants joint custody, many states now award it - they are his kids too, after all. However, sometimes cheating is factored into the judge's decision. Anyway, whatever is best for the kids (and state law) will probably be the deciding factors.


In my case, getting child support and alimony is very possible. THere are things that they take into account for alimony. THe amount of alimony I would get depends on the amt of child support that I get. In this state, it is a no fault state but when considering alimony, they do take that into account.

As far as the child custody goes, I would most likely get it. There are a few reasons for this. One is that they are young and in school and he can't have them just on the weekends b/c of his work schedule. A judge will consider that when looking at them bouncing back and forth in the middle of the week. He also has a record of me having to call the cops out to the house b/c of drinking and handling a fire arm while the kids and I were home and talking about his life being over. That won't sit well in court and at final resorts, he smokes pot everyday. I doubt that he does it now b/c he knows that I would bring that up, but he could be tested for it and I am not sure that he would pass some of the ones that they give now. He also drinks a lot now but I am not sure how that would be proven either. So, no, his chances getting split custody isn't that great, but I am hoping that for the kids sake, we can get it to where i have them through the week b/c of school and other activities.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

well good for you, thats awesome. remind me not to make you made you super nice, beautiful, amazing person that i want to god mother my 9 years old son!


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

terrence4159 said:


> well good for you, thats awesome. remind me not to make you made you super nice, beautiful, amazing person that i want to god mother my 9 years old son!


I am not sure I understand what you are saying?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Sherri,
So nice to hear from you. It sounds like you feel much more together. If I remember correctly, your STBX never wanted you to use an attorney, right? That's just a control mechanism, but you know that now. Listen to your attorney, not STBX. Good of your for journaling and I really hope it helps. I'd think if you could look back over the last year you'd recognize how much stronger you are.
Prepare yourself for when he's served. You never though, it might go better than you think.
I'm still waiting in limbo land, my final decree is "on the judge's desk" but not sign yet, for whatever reason. ugh.


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