# Am I overatcing??



## what2doagain (Mar 24, 2010)

I'm in some major need of advice. My husband and I are currently seperated, been seperated for almost a year now. We have been together close to 18 yrs, have 2 kids. We have had many issues in our past, and i had had enough of it almost a year ago, needed time to think things thru without all the stress, so i moved out. Our issues all stem from money, lies and porn. We have sought counseling for months with no change before i moved out. Since i have moved out he had failed to keep the agreements between us several times. Like helping to pay for our joint debt, finding more porn, and at one point i had found out that he had spent time throughout a 2-3 week span with another "single" woman that i found emails and communication via text that he had told this woman he loved her. He denied at that time that he did love her, and that he only loved me. That he wanted to work on us and get our life back. So for 5 months we worked on us, he kept asking me what i wanted, so i thought for weeks on what he could do. I gave him a LIST of things that could be done to show me that he had changed and that i could trust him from not lying to me. The very next day he gave me a list of excuses as to why he wouldnt be able to complete the LIST. I was very upset at that time knowing he had thought about all this. I still gave him the benefit of the doubt after we had talked. We even went on a Family Vacation for a few days, and things were great. Then a week ago he tells me he hadnt gotten some of the bills that he is responsible for at his house(part of the agreement was that he had to pay bills and keep them current), the very next day i find the bill in questino and it was an outragious amount. When questioned about it he told me he had just gotten the bill the day before i found it, and that he had been paying it....no signs of him paying it. I again gave him the benefit of the doubt. Then over this past weekend we had gone out to the bars with some friends, had a great time....(i had been thinking about moving back in cause i hadnt found any more porn, he was showing signs of changing, etc. ) Then i get a phone call from a friend of mine(him and his family dont get along real well with this friend) saying that when they were leaving they had found a thumb drive and decided to see what was on it. When they opened the thumb drive it had pics of OUR vacation on it, as well as some pics i had agreed to be taken of me(We agreed to have them on a thumb drive that i would have possesion of and if he wanted them he could ask me for them, a trust builder right??) as well as these pics there were pics of another woman, they seem to be professional pornography, he swears they arent his. He swears that he hasnt lied to me, that he hasnt viewed any porn in almost a year. I think he is thinking this friend of mine had put those pics on there, i checked the date and that isnt possible. I keep asking him why he was even carrying them around, why he had them at the bar. He wont answer that question. I want out of this marriage but he is telling me that he doesnt want out that he loves me and if i file for divorce he wont kill himself but he wouldnt have much to live for because i am his life! Im tired of mind games, im tired of fighting, we are screwing with our kids this way. Am I in the wrong for wanting out of this marriage for thinking he wont change since not much has changed in teh year we have been seperated? I dont know what else to try to keep it together...I love him with all my heart but i cant trust him, i go thru these days that i question his every move, i dont want to live like that. 

Any comments, suggestions, etc would be greatly appreciated. Im sorry it is so long, but needed to get the background out there. Ask anything you like i will answer them just to get some perspective.


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