# Need another perspective



## Thrown15963 (Oct 24, 2017)

Sorry for rambling but just the thoughts running through my head.
I just other thoughts/opinions from people going through similar things and how it turned out for you.

My wife and I have been together for 10+ years and Married for 8+ years and have a child together.

Anyway, My wife recently(several Months) started a "friendship" with a male coworker. I have met Him and his wife, we have hung out a little in group settings. 

My problem is that I know they talk all day at work, Sometimes more than other days due to work. I am all good with that but then they text each other in the evenings almost everyday. There is nothing wrong with her having a male friend, but I think the texting thing is a little excessive. I told her how I felt and it didn't go over well because she doesn't have many good friends and this guy is now a "good Friend". I do know some of their texts because she will tell me here and there what they are texting. Still sometimes I feel as it is just a smoke screen or things that are chosen that don't sound as there is something going on. We got into a huge fight a couple of days ago and she deleted his number and said she wouldn't talk to him and gave me the big guilt trip that I ruined a friendship. After we got it all out and settled down, I agree to let her add him back as long as they would cut back on the texting in the evenings. Minding you that she thought I was controlling. We that lasted all of about 2-3 days. I mean we still talk and have sex like nothing is going on between him and her but I do feel sometimes it is more important for her to text him back when he texts her. The other problem that I have that if we are busy and she ignores the texts that when it is free time for her to text back he immediately responds like he is waiting on her to text him back. I really think she is essentially "addicted" to texting him. I warned her there is more emotional attachment that she can't see and she came back with "good/close friends have emotional attachment". I also told her that if anything happens and it turns more emotional or physical I would probably divorce her and beat the **** out of the other guy. I was angry probably not the best way to handle that.

I told her sometimes it just feels as texting him is more important that me. Perfect example is when we are out doing something I feel as she is checking her phone and replying to his texts when we are not actively (sometime actively) engaged in conversation or trying to figure something out. Now since we had the conversation about this issue we have been a little more close and opened up about other things we think about or feel. Even though that is happening and I know more about her than I have, I still feel like I am in 2nd Place some nights.

I just don't how to show her or explain to her how it is looking or the way she is acting. I know we both play on our phone more than we should but I would be ok if she wasn't constantly texting him instead of looking stupid **** up on the internet.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She is playing with fire and needs to stop this EA. Its so important to keep good boundaries with the opposite sex, especially with work colleagues. Work should be kept at work, there is no need for her to have any contact outside work. You are right to be concerned, I would be too. Its not a good idea to have close friendships with the opposite sex.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

You need to recover her deleted texts to make sure she isn't lying. 

Is the guy better looking and/or wealthier than you? This isn't appropriate and needs to stop.


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## trying2212 (Oct 26, 2017)

I have posted on another thread and my situation is a bit further down the line than yours might be, but I spent months making friends with another man who I eventually had an affair with. I didn't initially see how creating the emotional bond would lead to the affair. The main difference I see between you and my H is that you have asked her to stop, you have told her you see how dangerous her actions could be to your marriage, etc. Keep doing that. Keep reaching out to her and fostering that emotional connection in your marriage. You can't make her choose to stop texting her friend but you can set boundaries and be firm about needing her to abide by them. I can't promise it will work but I know in my case, the fact that my husband didn't do those things made me feel like he didn't care and I kept going to my friend for that connection. Good luck! I hope you guys can find a way through this.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Find female friends to have emotional attachments with while you give your flighty, entitled, modern hoe in a mask the slip.


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> She is playing with fire and needs to stop this EA. Its so important to keep good boundaries with the opposite sex, especially with work colleagues. Work should be kept at work, there is no need for her to have any contact outside work. You are right to be concerned, I would be too. Its not a good idea to have close friendships with the opposite sex.


In the interests of another perspective, I don't think everyone needs to make a prison of their marriage, terrified of what lies outside. 

Having said that, your wife is getting something from this man that she lacks from you/her marriage. Your job is to discover what this is.


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## Thrown15963 (Oct 24, 2017)

GuyInColorado said:


> You need to recover her deleted texts to make sure she isn't lying.
> 
> Is the guy better looking and/or wealthier than you? This isn't appropriate and needs to stop.


I don't believe any texts are deleted. The guy is not better looking, he does make a little bit more money but nothing major. He defiantly has more book smarts than I do, but I am more of a mr.fixit person that saves us money and I can figure out just about anything. I have asked about him and she has told me things/traits that she doesn't like about him. Then she mentions the qualities that I have and she loves about me. He does not have any of the qualities that she loves about me.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

You need to watch this very closely. Evening texting with a co-worker is inappropriate, especially when it's interfering with her family life. She should be taking your concerns much more seriously. If you can, get her phone while she's asleep and read the texts. If they're deleted, or if there are strange gaps in the conversation that seem to represent missing messages, you need to go to DEFCON 1. This might involve hiding a VAR (voice-activated recorder) in her car, or hiring a private investigator. In general, it's better to avoid confronting her about it and better to just observe from a distance. If you confront, she takes the relationship (whatever it might be) underground and you have no idea what the status us. If you observe from a distance and make it appear that you don't feel threatened, she'll be more likely to get sloppy and make a revealing mistake.

One really nasty, underhanded way to nip this in the bud would be to send his wife an anonymous email claiming that you believe her husband is involved in an affair with a woman at work. Watch the messages come to a screeching halt. If it were me though, I think I'd let it play out and just keep a close eye on her. If she's inclined to cheat, you don't want her anyway--let her reveal herself for what she is so that you can divorce her and move on.

Best also not to appear "needy" to her, like you're comparing yourself to him.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I have a male coworker that I communicate with on Facebook messenger sometimes a lot, sometimes days in between. He works in my department and we’re incredibly similar personality wise but there is zero attraction. Sometimes we send each other bbq recipes from Pinterest, sometimes it’s dumb movie quotes or YouTube clips about something that happened at work that day. Sometimes it’s a news article one of us was trying to tell the other about at work that day. Other times we ***** about work, I send him links to things he should buy his fiancé, he sends me things he thinks J would like. 

But, my husband is fully aware I talk to him like this, he has full access to my phone and my Facebook password. I don’t delete messages and I read a lot of them to my husband as I get them or tell him about them later. It most likely also helps that there is absolutely nothing even slightly flirtatious in any of them. If there was any hint of that, I would stop immediately. If I started to get any kind of “tingles” I’d stop. If my husband asked me to stop, I’d stop. If it worried my husband I’d do what I could to stop his fears and I would stop. 

What is she doing to ease your fears? Do you have access to her phone? Is there a passcode? Do you know it?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Thrown15963 said:


> I don't believe any texts are deleted. The guy is not better looking, he does make a little bit more money but nothing major. He defiantly has more book smarts than I do, but I am more of a mr.fixit person that saves us money and I can figure out just about anything. I have asked about him and she has told me things/traits that she doesn't like about him. Then she mentions the qualities that I have and she loves about me. He does not have any of the qualities that she loves about me.


It's not uncommon that they only point out things they dislike about an affair partner to keep a spouse thinking there is no affair going on. She isn't going to tell you how great he is. 

Affair partners are often complete opposite's of the spouse so it wouldn't be unusual at all he has different qualities than you. It's a general statement but affair partners are rarely upgrades in the looks or money department and more than likely downgrades. 

Her relationship with him has crossed the boundaries and it needs to stop. Her blame deflecting your controlling and not allowing her friends are all excuses to continue her behavior. The biggest problem you have is she works with him and even if you get the texting to stop they see each other all day long. Maybe you should call the OM wife and find out if she likes her husband talking to your wife all day and all night. I doubt she would be happy about this either.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

I'm not saying call the other guys wife....but reading the posts does make me wonder does he have a wife and is she okay with all of this?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

VibrantWings said:


> I'm not saying call the other guys wife....but reading the posts does make me wonder does he have a wife and is she okay with all of this?


Call the other guys wife.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Thrown15963 said:


> *I don't believe any texts are deleted. *The guy is not better looking, he does make a little bit more money but nothing major. He defiantly has more book smarts than I do, but I am more of a mr.fixit person that saves us money and I can figure out just about anything. I have asked about him and she has told me things/traits that she doesn't like about him. Then she mentions the qualities that I have and she loves about me. He does not have any of the qualities that she loves about me.


if that's the case ask to see them.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Get the book *not just friends* read it. High light the chapters about inappropriate friendships. Give it to your wife, tell her you love her and you don't want to have your marriage fall apart but you are not going to stay if it does.

sigh...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

David Darling said:


> In the interests of another perspective, I don't think everyone needs to make a prison of their marriage, terrified of what lies outside.
> 
> Having said that, your wife is getting something from this man that she lacks from you/her marriage. Your job is to discover what this is.




Having healthy boundaries in your marriage isn't making it a prison. Its pure common sense. Its recognising the dangers without being in fear. 
Many will have inappropriate relationships even if they have a good spouse. I have seen this happen many times.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

VibrantWings said:


> I'm not saying call the other guys wife....but reading the posts does make me wonder does he have a wife and is she okay with all of this?


He said the man is married.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I for one, generally find it difficult for persons of opposite sex to be just "friends" ! The good old biology and chemistry start creeping in until physics takes over!

It is not OK for your wife to have a really good male friend especially one who texts her at all times. You need to find out what is being communicated between them (and not all of it will be by standard texts).

Her telling you what she doesn't like about him and likes about you is a smoke screen. Standard cheater stuff. This is a special red flag.

He is bull$sh!tt!ng her at the moment probably with his book smart stuff and maybe even making you look small and weak in comparison.

If you ignore this she will have been bedded by him before you know it.

The texts must stop once she is outside of work - period. Break off friendship with him and put some distance between the two of them. Make some new friends with couples and introduce the wives to her especially if they lead busy social lives - in short, keep her occupied with other fun stuff.

Let his wife know that he is busy seducing another woman at work anonymously.

Hesitate and you will be back here with "you guys were right".

On a slightly separate note, you need to get to the bottom of why she is doing this. Maybe via an open discussion facilitated by a marriage counsellor.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If he's not your friend as well, then he's no friend to the marriage. And by this I mean, if they're carrying on with a friendship without you, then he is not a friend to the marriage. 

All the time your wife spends talking with and texting him is time she's not spending with you.

All that time he is spending talking with and texting your wife is time he's not spending with HIS wife.

Some posters disagree with my sentiment that men and women cannot be friends. I should add that I believe they cannot be friends for a good reason. Very few people in this world have the ability to exact healthy boundaries in such a relationship.

Ask her for her phone, randomly. There should be no secrets in marriage. If she refuses, you have all the info you need about her sense of boundaries.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Thrown15963 said:


> I don't believe any texts are deleted. The guy is not better looking, he does make a little bit more money but nothing major. He defiantly has more book smarts than I do, but I am more of a mr.fixit person that saves us money and I can figure out just about anything. I have asked about him and she has told me things/traits that she doesn't like about him. Then she mentions the qualities that I have and she loves about me. He does not have any of the qualities that she loves about me.


Right now, they are already having the early stages of an EA. Give it 1~8 weeks, it'll be a full-blown EA. Give it 1~12 weeks and they are having sex. Don't believe = mistake. Find out YES or NO.
Looking better? Doesn't matter. My relationship with my Wayward Wife (WW) has officially ended 2 days ago. There were underlying problems she was not telling me for some stupid reason, but 2 months ago go we were "okay". In the past 6 weeks, things spiraled down. A week ago today - I didn't know how bad things were. I was hoping our last MC meeting would have opened her up to solutions. But that just got things front and center.

Marriages have been destroyed by week-old affairs.

ASk your wife "do you wish to be divorced?" If she says "no"... then all interactions between them - need to stop. You NEED to call his wife too. Men will try to save their marriage, women *WILL* burn it down. Mine did, 3 times. That way he will run back to his wife.

Oh yeah, one of them needs to transfer into a new building or quit. 
Get the book "Not just Friends" by Shierly Glass.
Consider going to MC, to sort things out.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Satya said:


> If he's not your friend as well, then he's no friend to the marriage. And by this I mean, if they're carrying on with a friendship without you, then he is not a friend to the marriage.
> 
> All the time your wife spends talking with and texting him is time she's not spending with you.
> 
> ...


I agree 100% with every point you made. My wife was weak. But with our opposite work schedules - WE *DID NOT* have time for each other. We were struggling with money too (so lack of fun time) and our days off rarely matched to work. Mine was doing other things beyond healthy boundaries. And in the end - she isn't worth it anymore.

I generally HOPE for (R) depending on circumstances (Oops -drunk moment) - anything more than that, especially with a female cheater will usually end up destroying the marriage. Recovery is difficult, at best.

Nip it in the butt. NOW. Don't ask, don't beg, don't be angry. Be professional.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Thrown15963 said:


> I don't believe any texts are deleted. The guy is not better looking, he does make a little bit more money but nothing major. He defiantly has more book smarts than I do, but I am more of a mr.fixit person that saves us money and I can figure out just about anything. *I have asked about him and she has told me things/traits that she doesn't like about him. Then she mentions the qualities that I have and she loves about me. He does not have any of the qualities that she loves about me.*


This is so that you are ok with all of this.

Your wife sees him all day, and then texts him at all other times. 

Treat this budding affair like a smoldering cigarette on the ground. Foot down, with pressure, back and forth swiveling until it is completely out.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Thrown15963 said:


> Sorry for rambling but just the thoughts running through my head.
> I just other thoughts/opinions from people going through similar things and how it turned out for you.
> 
> My wife and I have been together for 10+ years and Married for 8+ years and have a child together.
> ...


She is on a slippery slope. She is infatuated with this man and already overly addicted to him. That's why she is gaslighting you and turning the argument around to you being controlling. A sure sign that she is getting some form of an emotional high from this interaction. 

Familiarize yourself with these concepts...

Gaslighting 

DARVO

The Chemistry of Love

Your assignment this weekend is to get and read these manuals. They may not save this relationship, but they will give you guidance if you are willing to take it and you are willing to set personal boundaries. 

Not "Just Friends"

Boundaries in Marriage

Hold on to Your NUTs

Best


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Better wake up to the warning here. 

Being affraid and laying back in this situation will put you in worse shape.

Your marriage will end with another man in the mix


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

David Darling said:


> In the interests of another perspective, I don't think everyone needs to make a prison of their marriage, terrified of what lies outside.
> 
> Having said that, your wife is getting something from this man that she lacks from you/her marriage. Your job is to discover what this is.


BS, his wife is playing with fire that can destroy their marriage. It’s not a need that’s is not being meet, it’s her own selfishness.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Thrown15963 said:


> I don't believe any texts are deleted. The guy is not better looking, he does make a little bit more money but nothing major. He defiantly has more book smarts than I do, but I am more of a mr.fixit person that saves us money and I can figure out just about anything. I have asked about him and she has told me things/traits that she doesn't like about him. Then she mentions the qualities that I have and she loves about me. He does not have any of the qualities that she loves about me.


Get and read Not Just Friends together.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Once a woman starts giving her emotions to another man, her feelings for you will be inversely proportional to her feelings for him. 

You are losing your wife. And you'll be amazed at how fast it can hapoen.

Heed the advice you e been given above


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Thrown15963 said:


> Sorry for rambling but just the thoughts running through my head.
> I just other thoughts/opinions from people going through similar things and how it turned out for you.
> 
> My wife and I have been together for 10+ years and Married for 8+ years and have a child together.
> ...


The affair partners most of the time are less successful, not as attractive physically, and worse in nearly every way than the husband.
Don't let that gauge your decision.

She is CLEARLY emotionally attached.
Her reaction to your totally reasonable request was very telling: Her desire to text this guy trumps the hell out of your feelings.

If they aren't having sex, they soon will be.
Blow this **** up by getting evidence that is irrefutable, evidence the OM can't explain away to his wife and make you look like an ass. 
Then deliver it in the most damaging way possible. Without a doubt, he and your wife are destroying Your marriage. Your wife is a weak person. She will divorce you over this scumbag if you don't squash this. The only way you can squash it is my squashing her desire for him. Do that by telling his wife and then he will throw her under the bus and show her hoe important she REALLY is to him.

Sorry, your marriage is circling the toilet.
Better call the plumber.

Btw, kicking his ass might make you feel better, might make her see you as the stronger man...., but it is unlikely to turn her feelings off. Don't say another word to her. Collect irrefutable evidence and deliver to OM wife. Don't say a word until you have it. Get it fast.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Look, success, brains does not matter to someone who is having an affair. He is exciting and new - she knows 10 years of your boredom. 

The "FRIEND" my wife is leaving for... (mind you, the day or so before - he said he was my "friend" and trying to help with MY relationship with MY wife. - As a day before he said my wife is pissed off by my attitude, that I need to talk to her and sort out the underlining problems and figure out solutions. -load of crap- My VAR's had not caught the evidence I needed at the time. So I thought she was just being a B-jerk. They both were ganging up me.)

He is not as good looking as me. He is not as smart as me. He is rude, he is trashy. Sorry, anyone who sleeps on a bed without sheets is kinda... ugh.
Right now, he makes more money than me, has more disposable income. My wife and I have been struggling with bills - because she has been missing work. My stress has created negative energy at home and we don't go out, etc, etc... So yeah, many big cracks in our relationship that is NORMAL, unless someone cheats.
@Thrown15963 - YOU MUST CONTACT HIS WIFE.
I will also do this. Get generic DIVORCE PAPERS from the court house (if possible) and fill it out or if you can afford it - get a lawyer to make a basic one to start with. Its not filed or anything. It has both yours and her name on it.
Sit your wife down, put it in front of her. Ask her, "what DO you want?"

I estimate the time the EA/downslope with the long time friend took about 2 weeks to become critical. Sex. Then for two weeks or so after that - the fate of my relationship with my "love" was sealed. I was feeling it, I was guessing it right.

Don't think it can happen to you.


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## scaredlion (Mar 4, 2017)

Just make an agreement with your wife that when you and her are together that neither of you will do any texting or answer any text that isn't absolutely necessary or is an emergency. When spouses are together, phones should not be a priority. My wife has two widow friends she calls every night around 6PM. After those calls we only use the phone if absolutely necessary. Try it. It might work. As far as what you told your wife would happen if you discovered it was emotional or physical, I think it was exactly what you needed to say. Instead of not being one of your best moments, I think you it was spot on. I do wish you well.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

They are probaly in love. You should accept that this is a fact and that they want to f*ck each other or have already and are loving it. This might be difficult to read so you should just let it sink in and accept it. You need to get this guy out of the picture by hook or by crook. If you leave it too long they might get to a point that they would be willing to leave for each other. I feel confident they have discussed this already. Get the wife involved....you need some help. Just call her...it's no big deal.....right?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I would do two things.

Install spyware on her phone to know what they are texting about *now*; and get a text recovery app to try and find out what they *have been* texting about. I would use those apps for as long as it takes. If you find something inappropriate, you'll have concrete evidence and she can't gaslight you.

That said, you are allowing her to break a reasonable marriage boundary with her after hours texting to an opposite sex friend. You don't have to accept it at all.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

You need to clamp down on this hard and fast. They are having an EA at least. Soon it will be a Physical Affair if this behaviour goes unchecked.

Stamp down on this now, inform the other mans wife and make it very clear to your wife next step is divorce if this behaviour continues. The alternative is her having sex with this bloke whilst you sit in denial.

You wife will be pissed for a while at your actions but it will pass. Better than losing her to a physical affair. It will also show her that you have real strength and will not tolerate her foul behaviour.


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## jinkazama (Nov 5, 2017)

Dude Please Wake Up

Talk to your Wife that Male Female Friendships do Not Exists OK

Many of Us Thought they Do But Now I Dont Believe in it.

Many Affairs Happen Because of this Texting and OTher Stuff.

There is A Book Called "Not Just Friends"

Read this with your wife


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Thrown15963 said:


> Anyway, My wife recently(several Months) started a "friendship" with a male coworker. I have met Him and his wife, we have hung out a little in group settings.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with her having a male friend, but I think the texting thing is a little excessive. I told her how I felt and it didn't go over well because she doesn't have many good friends and *this guy is now a "good Friend".*
> 
> I warned her there is more emotional attachment that she can't see and *she came back with "good/close friends have emotional attachment". *


Slippery Slope your Wife treads. A major Crack has opened in your marriage. We all know where "this" is heading.


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## MancMan (May 5, 2016)

Wow this is almost identical to my situation last year.

My wife because 'close friends' with a male from work. They started messaging in the evening, he was just funny and 'got her'. I didn't like it one bit. She would completely disagree but it was an EA and I honestly believe had I not done what I did (although I may have done it differently with hindsight) it would have progressed to a PA.

There is no contact now (different job) but I still check every so often to see if either has messaged/emailed. Either she is VERY good at hiding info or its still no contact.

My advice is stop it NOW
Good luck


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## jinkazama (Nov 5, 2017)

MancMan said:


> Wow this is almost identical to my situation last year.
> 
> My wife because 'close friends' with a male from work. They started messaging in the evening, he was just funny and 'got her'. I didn't like it one bit. She would completely disagree but it was an EA and I honestly believe had I not done what I did (although I may have done it differently with hindsight) it would have progressed to a PA.
> 
> ...


That is why i divorced my ex wife.
I cannot just keep an eye on her.
I can't continue my life with the feeling"whats she doing?"
After being cheated on i do not wanted to become a detective.
I wanted happiness and peace.
I have now:grin2:


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## MancMan (May 5, 2016)

jinkazama said:


> That is why i divorced my ex wife.
> I cannot just keep an eye on her.
> I can't continue my life with the feeling"whats she doing?"
> After being cheated on i do not wanted to become a detective.
> ...


Believe me, had it progressed any further it would have been divorce but it didn't go past the beginnings of an EA and we're happy now.

I agree about not wanting to play detective and its not something I want to do or actually do. If I'm on her laptop phone, I just have a flick through. Though times that I do it are few and far between now.


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## jinkazama (Nov 5, 2017)

MancMan said:


> Believe me, had it progressed any further it would have been divorce but it didn't go past the beginnings of an EA and we're happy now.
> 
> I agree about not wanting to play detective and its not something I want to do or actually do. If I'm on her laptop phone, I just have a flick through.* Though times that I do it are few and far between now[/50].*


*

Look i am happy for you.

But i just really cannot live with the idea that my spouse was unfaithful.

You still think about it.
Thats why i refused to live like that.

I really cannot live with a person who betreyed me.
I can forgive them but i cannot accept them as a part of my life.

Thats just me.*


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

You are getting a gift by finding out this 'early'. Put your foot down now. I know it seems like you might be over zealous or snooping or even a bit dirty for what you are doing but you are doing the right thing for your family and it needs to stop now. She may be terribly upset and I can assure you she will be but in the end, she will respect you and you will have caught this early enough.

If you let this go, look at my thread. It's too late for me and I have been struggling with denial, shock, pain and literally Hell for the past 5 months. Please, stop this before it's too late. My biggest mistake was thinking how rational and smart my wife was and that she would never do this to her family but that's the thing. When the love or limerance drug takes over, the brain stops working with rational and reality and before you know it, the person you knew for many years is no more.


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## MancMan (May 5, 2016)

jinkazama said:


> Look i am happy for you.
> 
> But i just really cannot live with the idea that my spouse was unfaithful.
> 
> ...


I get that but I don't see what she did as unfaithful. It could have been and (I believe) unbeknownst to her would have but it got stopped before that point.

I suppose it's just a case of levels we are willing to accept. 

I respect and appreciate your stand point and hope should my boundary ever get crossed that I would have your resolve to do something about it.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

On another note, even if nothing happens/is happening, the "phone behavior" when you are involved needs more attention.

My wife used to hold up on me when her sister or brother called while we were speaking on the phone, but made me wait / call severals times when she was on the phone with said persons. Or took a few seconds to reply when a friend of hers wrote something on whatsapp, but didn't even bother to even have a look at what I wrote.

I put my foot down on that early and you should do the same.

Oh, and make it known to her that her best friend is you. Not some other work colleague.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

A voice activated recorder in her car or somewhere she goes to make private calls. Hide it well because it's amazing how many people can't do this properly. Drop it for now so she is not on her guard. If you get the slightest wiff of something then you should go round his house and speak to him and his wife. Don't be shy.


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