# Do I try to get Husband back? How?



## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

I dont know what the hell to do. My husband 3 weeks ago tells me he is not happy and doesnt feel loved. I try to tell him im sorry and that lets go to counseling and i will make him happy again. Well at first he said okay but he changed his mind. To make things worse he told all his problems with a homewrecker older than him and now he likes her cause she listens and is nice. He is MARRIED. He would never do this to me but he is. I have literally told him EVERYTHING he would want to hear, i will do anything for us to get better, why not try?? I dont understand. I have breakdowns and cry and cry and he feels bad and acts like he loves me just to leave the next day. Everyone says this is not him. I finally gave in and said get a place, i will help you but dont date them for a while and my kids dont go by them. He said ok, but then left and stayed at their house cause they told a married man they can stay with them till he find a place. BS, i dont want him over there and it drives me crazy. He told me he knew it was wrong but he has to stay somewhere. IM SO upset, my heart is broke and i just want him back. Do i keep trying?? Do i let him go and try later? I dont know what to do for him to change his mind and want me again as long as we work on things. No other woman will make him happy right now, he is still with me!!! I hate this so bad. Im not a bad person, i say things sometimes and i try to show love but why leave me and your kids. I think about the other person that i want to beat and i get even more upset. What to do when I want him still? I want a second chance, why wont he agree? I dont want to lose hope forever but i dont know


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> I dont know what the hell to do. My husband 3 weeks ago tells me he is not happy and doesnt feel loved. I try to tell him im sorry and that lets go to counseling and i will make him happy again. Well at first he said okay but he changed his mind. To make things worse he told all his problems with a homewrecker older than him and now he likes her cause she listens and is nice. He is MARRIED. He would never do this to me but he is. I have literally told him EVERYTHING he would want to hear, i will do anything for us to get better, why not try?? I dont understand. I have breakdowns and cry and cry and he feels bad and acts like he loves me just to leave the next day. Everyone says this is not him. I finally gave in and said get a place, i will help you but dont date them for a while and my kids dont go by them. He said ok, but then left and stayed at their house cause they told a married man they can stay with them till he find a place. BS, i dont want him over there and it drives me crazy. He told me he knew it was wrong but he has to stay somewhere. IM SO upset, my heart is broke and i just want him back. Do i keep trying?? Do i let him go and try later? I dont know what to do for him to change his mind and want me again as long as we work on things. No other woman will make him happy right now, he is still with me!!! I hate this so bad. Im not a bad person, i say things sometimes and i try to show love but why leave me and your kids. I think about the other person that i want to beat and i get even more upset. What to do when I want him still? I dont want to lose hope forever but i dont know


Do you love yourself?


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Do you love yourself?


Yes


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Pinkk, you've started multiple threads all asking the same thing. We're telling you. He is not going to decide to reconcile if you beg, plead, cry, or anything else to try to convince him. 

You said it yourself: he is involved with someone else because she is pampering him and fawning all over him. You're expecting him to face reality: he's married and he has kids, plus one on the way. The more you go after him, the less attractive you and your family life become to him. It sounds harsh, but he is finding a scapegoat to blame his unhappiness on, and you're it. You, the family, the kids, the whole package. 

Up asked the all-important question. Do you love yourself? You cannot be a good wife or mother or friend or anything, if you don't first love and respect yourself. 

And if you did love and respect yourself, you would know that you deserve to be treated better than he's treating you and your kids. 

Do you really love the man he is now? Cheating on you? Disrespecting what you've asked of him as to how he lives after he moves out (with regard to your kids)? Is he still the same man who said he'd never cheat? I think you know the answer to that. 

You're going through what we all have. We miss who they used to be or who we thought they were. Your husband is not that person now. Later? Who knows. But don't wait around. You have a life to live now. Don't waste another minute of it trying to get him to come back. 

Work on you, and try to figure out why you're trying so hard to reconcile with someone who treats you so badly.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Pinkk said:


> Yes






I dont agree. I dont think you do. I am in a good position to know. I am much like you.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Angel said it best.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Pinkk, you've started multiple threads all asking the same thing. We're telling you. He is not going to decide to reconcile if you beg, plead, cry, or anything else to try to convince him.
> 
> You said it yourself: he is involved with someone else because she is pampering him and fawning all over him. You're expecting him to face reality: he's married and he has kids, plus one on the way. The more you go after him, the less attractive you and your family life become to him. It sounds harsh, but he is finding a scapegoat to blame his unhappiness on, and you're it. You, the family, the kids, the whole package.
> 
> ...


I dont love who he is now or acting. Hes not like this. Hes a quiet good guy that takes care of his family. And no one understands why he is doing this. I know i cant wait around, i just want his mind changed cause he is NOT thinking right. And i cant stop breaking down all day.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> I dont love who *he* is now or acting. *Hes* not like this. *Hes* a quiet good guy that takes care of *his* family. And no one understands why *he* is doing this. I know i cant wait around, i just want *his* mind changed cause *he* is NOT thinking right. And i cant stop breaking down all day.


Your focus is all wrong dear.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> I dont know what the hell to do. My husband 3 weeks ago tells me he is not happy and doesnt feel loved. I try to tell him im sorry and that lets go to counseling and i will make him happy again. Well at first he said okay but he changed his mind. To make things worse he told all his problems with a homewrecker older than him and now he likes her cause she listens and is nice. He is MARRIED. He would never do this to me but he is. I have literally told him EVERYTHING he would want to hear, i will do anything for us to get better, why not try?? I dont understand. I have breakdowns and cry and cry and he feels bad and acts like he loves me just to leave the next day. Everyone says this is not him. I finally gave in and said get a place, i will help you but dont date them for a while and my kids dont go by them. He said ok, but then left and stayed at their house cause they told a married man they can stay with them till he find a place. BS, i dont want him over there and it drives me crazy. He told me he knew it was wrong but he has to stay somewhere. IM SO upset, my heart is broke and i just want him back. Do i keep trying?? Do i let him go and try later? I dont know what to do for him to change his mind and want me again as long as we work on things. No other woman will make him happy right now, he is still with me!!! I hate this so bad. Im not a bad person, i say things sometimes and i try to show love but why leave me and your kids. I think about the other person that i want to beat and i get even more upset. What to do when I want him still? I want a second chance, why wont he agree? I dont want to lose hope forever but i dont know


You think you can make him happy.

He thinks you are the source of his unhappiness.

And, you are so desperate to get him back because you feel like you can't go on breathing without him.

You and your wayward husband both have the focus all wrong here.

Happiness comes from within.

Once you learn to love yourself, you will no longer find yourself in these kinds of situations.

Up and I speak from experience. We know because, like you, we are both recovering codependents.

Welcome, and read up and post here. It will help lead you to the light.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

SO tell me what u guys think. My husband came home today and i was talking to him about trying counseling tomorrow. I started talking to him again and he started crying. He said he DOES care now about us, he thought he didnt and he feels bad about how hes been. He has to think about stuff BUT he had to go back to the girls house and talk with her. Why? i dont know, maybe to tell her he will stay with me, i dont know. I told him to come back home and not stay there again and he said he didnt know. I just hope this works all out. i know he misses the kids and me and i just want hope.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

He's not going to give up posOW.

He is letting you know that with his "I don't know" response.

Stop begging him.

He doesn't deserve you.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

He can't have you both. He's stringing you along. If he really felt bad, he would NOT go be with her. He could talk to her on the phone, with you in the same room. He doesn't have to be with her to tell her that he's going to go home. He can think better if she's not around.

Don't grab on to crumbs.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> He's not going to give up posOW.
> 
> He is letting you know that with his "I don't know" response.
> 
> ...





angelpixie said:


> He can't have you both. He's stringing you along. If he really felt bad, he would NOT go be with her. He could talk to her on the phone, with you in the same room. He doesn't have to be with her to tell her that he's going to go home. He can think better if she's not around.
> 
> Don't grab on to crumbs.


Listen to experience here. They KNOW what they are talking about. You are being strung along. I am sorry to say it. He does not deserve to be with you. Focus on you and start moving on. Let him circle the drain with the OW. 

Also, look into coda meetings. They will help a lot.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> He can't have you both. He's stringing you along. If he really felt bad, he would NOT go be with her. He could talk to her on the phone, with you in the same room. He doesn't have to be with her to tell her that he's going to go home. He can think better if she's not around.
> 
> Don't grab on to crumbs.


 But he has not done anything with her, just talked. I agree he didnt need to go there but he said he has to talk to someone other than me. He told my uncle he loves me and really doesnt want to leave me. My uncle told him shes a rebound and if he gets with her it will be a 2 week thing and she will be done with him. He told me he cares now, which is a step up from not caring and not wanting me. He can think better if shes not around and i dont understand him going there to talk BUT this is a marriage with children and if we can work it out then Im all for it. He doesnt have her phone number, just her address. I checked. I dont understand his reasoning but i hope she dont make it worse. i just want him home.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> But he has not done anything with her, just talked. I agree he didnt need to go there but he said he has to talk to someone other than me. He told my uncle he loves me and really doesnt want to leave me. My uncle told him shes a rebound and if he gets with her it will be a 2 week thing and she will be done with him. He told me he cares now, which is a step up from not caring and not wanting me. He can think better if shes not around and i dont understand him going there to talk BUT this is a marriage with children and if we can work it out then Im all for it. He doesnt have her phone number, just her address. I checked. I dont understand his reasoning but i hope she dont make it worse. i just want him home.


My ex "never did anything", either. 

It's not okay to be naive.

I was...for a LONG time.

It hurts no one, but yourself.

However, you're not going to see that until you love yourself.

In the mean time, we're here for ya, girl.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

spun said:


> You think you can make him happy.
> 
> He thinks you are the source of his unhappiness.
> 
> ...



sorry man , that all sounds just so nicely put and poetic, but there's no way it's as simple as that.
that'd be saying all we have to do is love ourselves and this never happens.
bs , it happens to anyone . everyone. and it's often not even about US , it's usually about THEM.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> sorry man , that all sounds just so nicely put and poetic, but there's no way it's as simple as that.
> that'd be saying all we have to do is love ourselves and this never happens.
> bs , it happens to anyone . everyone. and it's often not even about US , it's usually about THEM.


Negative.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

No, it's about both people in the couple. And a sick marriage will not ever be well unless both partners are individually well. 

If we loved and respected ourselves, we wouldn't put up with someone who treated us badly or abusively or who cheated, etc. We stay with them not because we have healthy love for them, but out of codependence, and no self-love and self-respect. 

When you get to the other side of this, you will get to the point we all have : wondering how you put up with it all as long as you did. Everyone that I know of goes through at least a brief period of 'What was wrong with me, that I thought this was OK?'

Pinkk: If he's doing all of the rotten stuff that you see out in the open, why is it so hard for you to believe that he would also lie to you. Even if there has been no physical contact (which seems really doubtful) there is at minimum, an emotional affair. He has cheated on you by putting someone before you and his marriage commitment.

He may very well have a prepaid phone that you don't know about that he uses to call her. That's very common for people who want to hide contact with affair partners. 

Just because you want to believe something doesn't make it true.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Did he come home?


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

its called tough love Pinkk.....go back and read these responses and start focusing on you.

watch what he does. 

not what comes out of his mouth.


love and peace to you


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Did he come home?


No, he stayed at her house and they talked all night about me and him and him and her i guess. I am very mad, i feel kind of stung around from my own husband that doesnt know what he wants. He should know ME, not some ***** he only knew a couple months. Dont talk to her, talk to me. Im just sad and mad and he says he still doesnt know. How can he not know?? who the **** is more important???? your FAMILY! We got counseling tonight, so i hope the counsler tells him like it is.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I know it's not what you want to hear, but the counselor is not going to make him "see the light".

IF he ever does, it'll be because he misses you.

He's not going to miss you until you give him that opportunity.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> I know it's not what you want to hear, but the counselor is not going to make him "see the light".
> 
> IF he ever does, it'll be because he misses you.
> 
> He's not going to miss you until you give him that opportunity.


How can I give him that opportunity though? He will just go to her house and things will probably get worse. He said last night he does care now about being with me. But idk


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

He's telling you what he wants you to hear. Most guys are not heartless and don't come right out and say what they are really thinking.

Actions speak louder then words. Ignore what he says and pay attention to what he does. If he says he loves you so much and is confused then runs to the OW then you know he's full of it.

If he cared so much about being with you then he would be there with you.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> How can I give him that opportunity though? He will just go to her house and things will probably get worse. He said last night he does care now about being with me. But idk


Leave him alone.

Focus on yourself.

Clearly, you're extremely codependent.

Just know, he's gonna go to her house, regardless of what you do.

You cannot change that.

YOU are the only variable, here.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Leave him alone.
> 
> Focus on yourself.
> 
> ...


I can change that. Tonight im going to tell him, if he goes there one more time im done with him. No back n forth ****. Ive had it, my emotions cant take it. Im not codependent totally. I just have been with him 7 years and its only been 3 weeks since he started this ****. Its seriously insane


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

An ultimatum will probably not work, either.

But, in the event that it did, would you really want a husband you had to win back on an ultimatum?

That's table setting for another affair.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> An ultimatum will probably not work, either.
> 
> But, in the event that it did, would you really want a husband you had to win back on an ultimatum?
> 
> That's table setting for another affair.


I dont know. My heart hurts soo bad and now im getting just plain mad. I dont know what to do. I hate this


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> I dont know. My heart hurts soo bad and now im getting just plain mad. I dont know what to do. I hate this


He doesn't deserve you.

He left you.

Fvck. Him.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> *But he has not done anything with her, just talked.* I agree he didnt need to go there but he said he has to talk to someone other than me. He told my uncle he loves me and really doesnt want to leave me. My uncle told him shes a rebound and if he gets with her it will be a 2 week thing and she will be done with him. He told me he cares now, which is a step up from not caring and not wanting me. He can think better if shes not around and i dont understand him going there to talk BUT this is a marriage with children and if we can work it out then Im all for it. He doesnt have her phone number, just her address. I checked. I dont understand his reasoning but i hope she dont make it worse. i just want him home.


How can you verify this? Just by what he tells you???? Do you have actual proof that no physical affair has taken place?

Cheaters are liars. You cannot believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Look at his actions, ignore his words....


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

If you make an ultimatum, you have to be prepared to stick with it. Work on getting yourself stronger, and making very clear boundaries of what you will and will not accept from someone you're in a relationship with. Don't even think about getting into another relationship until you do.

You say you're not really codependent, but clearly you are. A strong, independent person would take a look at what he was doing when he *first started doing it*, and say 'WTF does he think he's doing? I don't deserve to be cheated on , even emotionally by someone who is supposed to love me above all others. I told him I don't like it, and he doesn't care. Well, I care -- I have values, and I'm going to stick to them. He can kiss my a$$.' And she would *leave him*. She would not say, after all he's done to her and her children, 'But I still love him so much and want to be together with him.' That's codependent.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

And I'm saying all of this to you because I was there myself.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> If you make an ultimatum, you have to be prepared to stick with it. Work on getting yourself stronger, and making very clear boundaries of what you will and will not accept from someone you're in a relationship with. Don't even think about getting into another relationship until you do.
> 
> You say you're not really codependent, but clearly you are. A strong, independent person would take a look at what he was doing when he *first started doing it*, and say 'WTF does he think he's doing? I don't deserve to be cheated on , even emotionally by someone who is supposed to love me above all others. I told him I don't like it, and he doesn't care. Well, I care -- I have values, and I'm going to stick to them. He can kiss my a$$.' And she would *leave him*. She would not say, after all he's done to her and her children, 'But I still love him so much and want to be together with him.' That's codependent.


Hit the nail on the head here. 

A lot of us have been where you are. Trust us on this. You are only hurting yourself right now. Get stronger with yourself.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Pinkk - I know it's hard, and I've been here too. From what you've been writing, He's not going to come back to you very soon. He's confused and is stringing you along. He chose HER by spending the night at HER house, not yours. If he really loved you, he would have stayed with YOU, not with HER. You can't make him change his mind. You can't make him choose you and the family over her. HE will have to do that himself. 

It took me about 2 months to realize that I didn't want to be treated like sh*t anymore. I couldn't understand how he could leave our 20 year marriage and FOUR kids for an old HS gf... but he did. Believe me, it is much healthier for you and your family to let go and move on. You guys don't deserve to live like this. Seriously.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

SO I talked to him quick cause hes at work. I told him his 5 yo daughter said she is mad at him and when i asked her if she was sad she looked still and had tears in her eyes. He got upset. I said what did that other girl say, he said she told him she likes him BUT the way he is feeling to go back to his wife and kids. He still says he doesnt know cause she makes him happy. I said she only makes u happy now cause your emotional. He doesnt know what he wants and i dont know what else to say.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> SO I talked to him quick cause hes at work. I told him his 5 yo daughter said she is mad at him and when i asked her if she was sad she looked still and had tears in her eyes. He got upset. I said what did that other girl say, he said she told him she likes him BUT the way he is feeling to go back to his wife and kids. He still says he doesnt know cause she makes him happy. I said she only makes u happy now cause your emotional. *He doesnt know what he wants and i dont know what else to say.*


"I'll make the decision easy for you. I'm going to file for divorce and you can go be with HER".

Just b/c you file doesn't mean you have to follow through with the divorce. And how do you know he hasn't went physical? Do you have evidence?? Getting him away from her will be that much more difficult if they are in a PA.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> "I'll make the decision easy for you. I'm going to file for divorce and you can go be with HER".


But i dont want that. He told me to leave him then. But thats his easy way out and its not what either of us really want. Even though im pissed as hell my heart cant do it


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> SO I talked to him quick cause hes at work. I told him his 5 yo daughter said she is mad at him and when i asked her if she was sad she looked still and had tears in her eyes. He got upset. I said what did that other girl say, he said she told him she likes him BUT the way he is feeling to go back to his wife and kids. He still says he doesnt know cause she makes him happy. I said she only makes u happy now cause your emotional. He doesnt know what he wants and i dont know what else to say.


Until posOW is out of the picture...

Say nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> But i dont want that. He told me to leave him then. But thats his easy way out and its not what either of us really want. Even though im pissed as hell my heart cant do it


It IS what he wants.

He is showing you that.

Why won't you believe him?!?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> It IS what he wants.
> 
> He is showing you that.
> 
> ...


I guess i wont because he comes here and crys and says he cares now about us and he just doesnt know what to do.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

If there any hope for us, any positiveness . how can we get there?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> I guess i wont because he comes here and crys and says he cares now about us and he just doesnt know what to do.


Plan B, darling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Learn to love yourself and to value yourself. Getting through this is not easy, that's for sure. But, you will see lots of positives as you start to feel better about yourself. 

Getting out of an unhealthy relationship is a positive thing. Truly.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Learn to love yourself and to value yourself. Getting through this is not easy, that's for sure. But, you will see lots of positives as you start to feel better about yourself.
> 
> Getting out of an unhealthy relationship is a positive thing. Truly.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> I guess i wont because he comes here and crys and says he cares now about us and he just doesnt know what to do.


Exactly as Katy said. You are Plan B. He slept at HER house, not yours. He comes to you and says "I care now, blah, blah, blah", yet he still goes there. Welcome to Plan B. If things go south with the other woman, he will be back home, until he finds another other woman. You are his comfort blanket. 

Make his decision easy. Throw his ass out and start moving forward with yourself. You can not nice him out of this. Stop being his shoulder to cry on. He is a big boy. Let him deal with his crap and his OW crap on his own. He is stringing you along. Dont give him that power. Cut him off now.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

Hermes said:


> Exactly as Katy said. You are Plan B. He slept at HER house, not yours. He comes to you and says "I care now, blah, blah, blah", yet he still goes there. Welcome to Plan B. If things go south with the other woman, he will be back home, until he finds another other woman. You are his comfort blanket.
> 
> Make his decision easy. Throw his ass out and start moving forward with yourself. You can not nice him out of this. Stop being his shoulder to cry on. He is a big boy. Let him deal with his crap and his OW crap on his own. He is stringing you along. Dont give him that power. Cut him off now.


I understand what your saying but i just cant do that right now. He has not even started to date her yet. I talked to him and he said he cares what i want and think but he also cares what he thinks. WHY?? she is nothing to him but a shoulder to cry on and listen to. She needs a man cause her man left her. Why does her care what she thinks when he has been with me forever??I just cant wrapped my head around this cause he has never been like this or done this. He says he cant help it, I said YES you can, stop going to her house, stop talking with her and focus on me and the kids. He didnt say anything. Thats is what he HAS to do to make it work with us, if he dont, then he is gone!


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> I understand what your saying but i just cant do that right now. He has not even started to date her yet. I talked to him and he said he cares what i want and think but he also cares what he thinks. WHY?? she is nothing to him but a shoulder to cry on and listen to. She needs a man cause her man left her. Why does her care what she thinks when he has been with me forever??I just cant wrapped my head around this cause he has never been like this or done this. He says he cant help it, I said YES you can, stop going to her house, stop talking with her and focus on me and the kids. He didnt say anything. Thats is what he HAS to do to make it work with us, if he dont, then he is gone!


She IS something to him. 

She's new, and fun, and complimentary, and exciting.

You cannot compete with her, so it's pointless to try.

In fact, when you beg him to come home, you appear needy and unattractive to him.

I speak from experience.

He can tell you, all day, that he cares about your marriage.

His actions prove otherwise.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> She IS something to him.
> 
> She's new, and fun, and complimentary, and exciting.
> 
> ...


If I could like this post more than once, I would.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

if he needs someone to talk to ..he can go back to his uncle right?

She's not just a friend darling. I know this hurts-it hurts very much.

But you MUST listen.

If you are clingy, needy or demanding...YOU WILL PUSH HIM FURTHER AWAY.

The best you can do-is let him go.


He is in a place known as 'The Fog"


Let him miss you...it may help him snap out of that place.

love and peace x


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> if he needs someone to talk to ..he can go back to his uncle right?
> 
> She's not just a friend darling. I know this hurts-it hurts very much.
> 
> ...


How do I let him miss me without him going to stay with her and making things worse? Like what do I do then cause im a stay at home mom and student. I will see him cause the kids so how is he always missing me. Trust me i want to do all this but ahhhh its so hard.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok..you have to detach all those emotions that are running you right now.. basically......you let him know youre not ik with this..but you get on with things..start letting him see you change...without saying a thing.. its all about showing him you are worth missing...and believe me....the side benefit to this is strength for you.

Keep things almost businesslike .

Got me?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Are you in IC, Pinkk?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

You are in big time denial. If he is staying with her he is doing more then crying on her shoulder. By breaking down, crying and pleading with him you are giving him stuff to talk to her about. Further cementing their bond and making him more emotionally connected to her. As an example He probably runs to her and talks about how hard it is to let you go. How you get so upset it breaks his heart. etc. Then she probably comforts him.

On top of that by talking with him about the same stuff over and over, pleading, begging, crying you are making yourself appear needy, unattractive and probably annoying to him.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I'm sorry, but I really feel he is cheating on you. Unless you can prove otherwise how you KNOW FOR A FACT that he has not slept with her....other than his word. You haven't answered yet how you know for sure they haven't been physical. 

You need to listen to the advice from these posters. It may seem harsh, but if you want to save your marriage, you need to listen.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Read this:

Just Let Them Go

The end result?

The end result is to respect yourself in the end,
let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.

That is the end result.

The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.

Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.

Nothing else works better or quicker.

Let them go.

Agree with them and their feelings,
"you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"

Wouldn't that be true love?

If you really loved your spouse,
and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with,
wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?

Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?
Just let them go. Give them their freedom.

You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.

I will never tell someone to change to entice a WAW back when she's been cheating on him. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.

But cheating, no excuses.

Think about cheating.
A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?

Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.

Fighting the affair? For what reason?
To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?
What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?
They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.

And for your last point,
The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.

"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

You give them what they want.
You don't fight them on this issue.
You agree with their feelings,
they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person, let them be with the other person.

You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.

You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",
you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",
you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"

I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them.

Then watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu-QjTNtDz8


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Whether he has slept with her or not doesn't matter. A emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one. More so because you can have sex and not become emotionally attached.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Whether he has slept with her or not doesn't matter. A emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one. More so because you can have sex and not become emotionally attached.



and emotional affairs most always lead to physical.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Whether he has slept with her or not doesn't matter. A emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one. More so because you can have sex and not become emotionally attached.


I would have rather a pa than ea.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Whether he has slept with her or not doesn't matter. A emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one. More so because you can have sex and not become emotionally attached.


Couldn't agree more.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Hermes said:


> I would have rather a pa than ea.


 You know I've been trying to not look at underdressed beautiful women, watch racy movies/shows etc. Basically avoiding anything sexy because its been so long it sticks in my head and is agonizing.

Then I go into AngelPixies thread and she posts a racy librarian book cover. Uh thanks Angel! 

But yeah I'd like to have a PA now. 

**edit** I guess the 'now' part at the end of that was a Freudian slip. Should of just said I'd like to have a PA. lol.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Hermes said:


> I would have rather a pa than ea.


I'd rather have neither


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> *I understand what your saying but i just cant do that right now. He has not even started to date her yet.* I talked to him and he said he cares what i want and think but he also cares what he thinks. WHY?? she is nothing to him but a shoulder to cry on and listen to. She needs a man cause her man left her. Why does her care what she thinks when he has been with me forever??I just cant wrapped my head around this cause he has never been like this or done this. He says he cant help it, I said YES you can, stop going to her house, stop talking with her and focus on me and the kids. He didnt say anything. Thats is what he HAS to do to make it work with us, if he dont, then he is gone!



ok... you need to listen to these people...Pink...you think this many people can be wrong? Do you not think they know what they are talking about? Knock off the excuses and the denial sht. Your husband is having an affair whether or not he's banging her but I bet he is...no way is he staying nights over there and 'shes' not all up on that trying to complete her mission. ok. Got it? 
YOU cannot control this. 
YOU need to put the bottle down...and walk away...and regroup. Your enabling his behavior and by your neediness and reassurance he already knows your an 'alternative' until he makes a decision. 

Kick his lame @ss out of the house...change the locks...and tell him to go ahead and be with her and sit back and watch him fall on his face in misery. 

As they were saying Pink...it's hard...but it's going to be THE ONLY THING THAT WILL WORK...go read that 180...unless you start 'making it work for you'... you can come here and ask all the questions you want...but your just gonna stay trapped in your own little tornado and torture yourself honey. Take control of what YOU can control.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

They are all horrible. I had a ONS and it did just as much damage to my ex as his 9+ month PA did to me...

But I think once emotions get involved, the affair, physical or not, is one hell of a beast to try to tangle with...

Pinkk - if he is being there for her to lean on EMOTIONALLY, you need to snap him out of it quick. It sounds like he is investing emotionally in her while you and the kids suffer. 

And if he is saying she is "just a friend" please buy this book right away. They have a kindle version so you could be reading it tonight.

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity: Shirley P. Glass, Jean Coppock Staeheli: 9780743225502: Amazon.com: Books

And do something for yourself - get your hair done, nails painted, a new outfit, hang out with a girlfriend over coffee...just SOMETHING to boost your spirits a little bit. Please. You need it.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> ok... you need to listen to these people...Pink...you think this many people can be wrong? Do you not think they know what they are talking about? Knock off the excuses and the denial sht. Your husband is having an affair whether or not he's banging her but I bet he is...no way is he staying nights over there and 'shes' not all up on that trying to complete her mission. ok. Got it?
> YOU cannot control this.
> YOU need to put the bottle down...and walk away...and regroup. Your enabling his behavior and by your neediness and reassurance he already knows your an 'alternative' until he makes a decision.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Pinkk, can you please re-read this post 100 times???

THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING. Don't discount all of the people here who have lived through the hell of an affair - including me. I know I made mistakes and wish I had this forum and these great people to knock sense into me 5 yrs ago.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> I'd rather have neither


Agreed. I was typing on my phone and i posted without finishing my entry. The message I meant to get across was in response to NW, stating that an EA is just as bas as a PA. I was agreeing with him. To me an Ea is worse than a PA. I would have rather my wife had a PA, then an EA (of course, I would rather neither, but I can control that), since a PA does not necessarily have an emotional connection to it. I can overcome the physical aspect of things. It is tough, but I can. The emotional connection is much harder to overcome. 

sorry if my post was confusing or misconstrued.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

OK ITS LONG, BUT HERES A UPDATE -

He was suppose to go to counseling with me, never showed. So i met him at our house and we talked. and i guess he is leaving for good. he just went back to her house. I told him his outlook for the future and it doesnt look so promising. He knows he will always love me and have feelings for me so i dont know how hes going to handle that with the *****. She told him to go back to his wife cause of his feelings yesterday but he wont. How can he feel like he might want to be with me yesterday but change his mind today. He will ALWAYS feel like this. All it is, is emotional with her. OHHHH get this, he kissed her today. **** that. I told him i would never do that. He said he is sorry he hurt me. Not sure if i believe it. Now its figuring out everything. I told him we will get him a place this week, even though we dont have the money. He said hes idea is to stay with HER and get a place or live there. I said BULL****, cause then you dont see your kids. ALL i ask from him is that he dont date her for a couple months, which he agreed, hopefully. And that he dont bring the kids around her. They are NOT a family. **** that. The kids dont like her, they are upset she took thier dad. And he said well if i live with her then they have to, and i said they WONT. I dont want to involve court but if i have to i will get papers saying while they are with him they cant be around her. Thats why i said you need your own place so your kids can go there and see you and stay the night.Hes a 30yo man that doesnt need to stay with some *****. Or i said stay here till we get our taxes then go, but he wont. SO plan is he get s place this week, even if he dont like it and we will have to figure out how to afford everything. I want our account to stay the same, etc so even though a divorce should happen, i dont know if i want that yet. While he is with his kids she can not be around. and if he dont listen, hes done with. You dont live with a woman and HER kids and leave yours behind. They know all thats going on and are sooo mad and upset. It wont last with them long. She had a x husband and just wants a man for now. i have to be strong and move on and not think if we will be together oneday, cause who knows but not now obviously. He will always like me but he needs to figure out his mistake and lose everything to realize what hes doing. and he WILL. he had A LOT of losers before me and hes another. Hes emotionally attached, nothing even psychical yet at all!! what a great relationship. he said she looks "fine", that dont sound too good. She has 2 older girls. I said next you will be with her teenager daughter cause u dont give a ****. Ok im writing a paper here haha. but nothing else i can do, he changes his mind each day and i cant take it, so he has to go. Im hurt and angry but i got to deal and figure out what im going to do. marriage COUNSELOR TOLD ME TO HAVE SOMEONE FOLLOW HER AND GET HER ADDRESS and give her a letter of how feel and whats she doing. I bet she would leave him if i did. We are having problem agreeing with the kids and who they see and that dont fly with me. you dont go behind my back. dont hurt me more. dont date them for a while. hopefully we can agree so courts dont got to get in it, then he will be sorry, he might lose everything and that would suck for him. I want him but i dont, i feel betrayed and hurt. i feel mixed messages from him and im done with it. I cry and cry and cant handle life right now. i need to go get drunk haha. But i cant. Anyway, theres the down low, i told him his family is pissed at him and he will have to live with that. No one will talk to that *****. 

SO, to a comment that someone wrote that i should try to STOP this EA right away. How do i do that? He wanted me yesterday but then changed his mind cause he didnt think it would work. So I dont know how to stop this. I feel i got to let him make his mistake and he will want me again sometime but i cant wait around forever. Im a emotional mess.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

One more thing, im kinda scare. i dont want to be by myself, this is hard. he has a for now person and i dont, but i dont want one. i just been with him 7 years and now, nothing and im sad.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

oh and is there something wrong with her being a 40 yo fat chick?? holy crap, he dont like that, wtf


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## IrocTransam (Aug 29, 2012)

The holidays don't make it any better. This will be my 2nd Christmas away from my W. Last year, we were still dating each other but not living together, but it went south after her bday(Dec 3rd). Be strong...me and several others are going thru the same thing. It sucks but we gotta be strong for our kids. Be happy...at least you have your kids everyday, I love my daughter and wish I could see her everyday. There's always a bright spot...keep moving forward. I am trying to myself.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> One more thing, im kinda scare. i dont want to be by myself, this is hard. he has a for now person and i dont, but i dont want one. i just been with him 7 years and now, nothing and im sad.



big breaths sweetheart. 


Guess what? Although, right now you probably just want to crawl in bed and stay there right?....I want you to get up... go outside..and walk....and when your walking you are going to say this

"I can do this. I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS."

say it over and over.

when you start believing it then you can go back home.

You are going to be ok. I promise. You need to stand up now and be strong...push through this pain...cry...but get up. Get angry. 

focus on you now.. and your kids.


love and peace


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> OK ITS LONG, BUT HERES A UPDATE -
> 
> He was suppose to go to counseling with me, never showed. So i met him at our house and we talked. and i guess he is leaving for good. he just went back to her house. I told him his outlook for the future and it doesnt look so promising. He knows he will always love me and have feelings for me so i dont know how hes going to handle that with the *****. She told him to go back to his wife cause of his feelings yesterday but he wont. How can he feel like he might want to be with me yesterday but change his mind today. He will ALWAYS feel like this. All it is, is emotional with her. *OHHHH get this, he kissed her today. ***** that. I told him i would never do that. He said he is sorry he hurt me. Not sure if i believe it. Now its figuring out everything. I told him we will get him a place this week, even though we dont have the money. *He said hes idea is to stay with HER and get a place or live there. I said BULL****, cause then you dont see your kids.* ALL i ask from him is that he dont date her for a couple months, which he agreed, hopefully. And that he dont bring the kids around her. They are NOT a family. **** that. The kids dont like her, they are upset she took thier dad. And he said well if i live with her then they have to, and i said they WONT. *I dont want to involve court but if i have to i will get papers saying while they are with him they cant be around her. *Thats why i said you need your own place so your kids can go there and see you and stay the night.Hes a 30yo man that doesnt need to stay with some *****. Or i said stay here till we get our taxes then go, but he wont. SO plan is he get s place this week, even if he dont like it and we will have to figure out how to afford everything. I want our account to stay the same, etc so even though a divorce should happen, i dont know if i want that yet. While he is with his kids she can not be around. and if he dont listen, hes done with. You dont live with a woman and HER kids and leave yours behind. They know all thats going on and are sooo mad and upset. It wont last with them long. She had a x husband and just wants a man for now. i have to be strong and move on and not think if we will be together oneday, cause who knows but not now obviously. He will always like me but he needs to figure out his mistake and lose everything to realize what hes doing. and he WILL. he had A LOT of losers before me and hes another. Hes emotionally attached, nothing even psychical yet at all!! what a great relationship. he said she looks "fine", that dont sound too good. She has 2 older girls. I said next you will be with her teenager daughter cause u dont give a ****. Ok im writing a paper here haha. but nothing else i can do, he changes his mind each day and i cant take it, so he has to go. Im hurt and angry but i got to deal and figure out what im going to do. marriage *COUNSELOR TOLD ME TO HAVE SOMEONE FOLLOW HER AND GET HER ADDRESS and give her a letter of how feel and whats she doing. I bet she would leave him if i did. *We are having problem agreeing with the kids and who they see and that dont fly with me. you dont go behind my back. dont hurt me more. dont date them for a while. hopefully we can agree so courts dont got to get in it, then he will be sorry, he might lose everything and that would suck for him. I want him but i dont, i feel betrayed and hurt. i feel mixed messages from him and im done with it. I cry and cry and cant handle life right now. i need to go get drunk haha. But i cant. Anyway, theres the down low, i told him his family is pissed at him and he will have to live with that. No one will talk to that *****.
> 
> SO, to a comment that someone wrote that i should try to STOP this EA right away. How do i do that? He wanted me yesterday but then changed his mind cause he didnt think it would work. So I dont know how to stop this. I feel i got to let him make his mistake and he will want me again sometime but i cant wait around forever. Im a emotional mess.


OK, I'm going to answer the bolded points one by one.

I will wager that he didn't kiss her for the first time yesterday. He's just telling you things a little at a time. It's called 'trickle truth.' Be prepared for more. He doesn't want to drive you totally away (as everyone has said here, he wants to keep you as a Plan B), so he's not telling you the full truth. Besides, what kind of guy tells you he still wants you earlier in the day, then goes to another woman's house and kisses *her*? Even if it was the first time? That makes him scum.

Taking the next two together, since they're related. Chances are, if there's no abuse going on, you will not be able to keep him from seeing the kids if he's living with her. The courts don't care anymore. Don't know where you live, but even if you have a clause in a parenting plan that you don't want your ex to have anyone sleeping over when your kids are there, you'd have to take it to court (which costs money) every time he breaks the agreement. Most states don't allow a parent to deny visitation even if the other parent isn't paying child support, so I don't think you can make this threat to him. Check into the laws in your state. You should be able to do this on the internet.

Giving her a letter telling her what she's doing may just give her a real feeling of power, and strengthen her in what she's doing. I'm sure she already knows he's got kids and another on the way. She certainly knows he's married. She doesn't care. As you said -- she's getting her needs met by him, too. She doesn't want to let that go. If she's been dumped by someone, and she's older than your H, and she's overweight, she's probably got her own self-esteem issues going on right now, and having a younger man pay attention to her is not going to be easy to let go of. 

Getting mad, making demands that he do this or that, begging, crying....we keep telling you. It's not going to work. And it isn't so far, is it?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

It's never "just a kiss"


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> It's never "just a kiss"


 It is in that song 'As time goes by' by Louis Armstrong 


Anyway hang in there Pinkk.. And again. Don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth! Cheaters are liars and will lie about the most insane stuff. Just start focusing less on him and more on yourself.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> It's never "just a kiss"


Exactly. I am sorry to tell you this, but it is exactly as we all said. He is playing you and keeping you as his backup plan. Dont give him that power. Cut him off and go dark except for things about the kids. Now, as much as you wont feel like it, be happy, especially around him. Did you read my post earlier? Let him go with open arms. The more you demand, plead, beg, negotiate, etc, the more he will run to the OW and confide in her. Setup boundaries on what you think is acceptable (unfortunately, you can not control what he does with or without his kids) and stick to it. 

It is going to be tough, you will slip and fall, but you need to pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Better days await you. 

Continue to go to IC. Get some books. Go to the gym. Do things for you. Look at this as an opportunity to reinvest in your well being. 

Above all, POST here BEFORE you do anything drastic. Thinking of calling him, writing letters, telling him you miss him, etc, dont. Say it here first.

You got this.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Pinkk: Sending you a (((BIG HUG))) today. Stay strong!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Hermes said:


> Exactly. I am sorry to tell you this, but it is exactly as we all said. He is playing you and keeping you as his backup plan. Dont give him that power. Cut him off and go dark except for things about the kids. Now, as much as you wont feel like it, be happy, especially around him. Did you read my post earlier? Let him go with open arms. The more you demand, plead, beg, negotiate, etc, the more he will run to the OW and confide in her. Setup boundaries on what you think is acceptable (unfortunately, you can not control what he does with or without his kids) and stick to it.
> 
> It is going to be tough, you will slip and fall, but you need to pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Better days await you.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Again - another great post for you to re-read 100 times, Pinkk!


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## LockeCPM4 (Jul 11, 2012)

I think he is confused as to what he wants. Honestly it seems like hr has feelings for this woman. If he didn't he would probably be home fixing things with you.

Just focus on you for now. Walk sways spouses love to give odd bits of hope here and there but it is his actions you must look for, not his words.

Keep your chin up.

Sent from my RM-820_nam_att_100 using Board Express


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

LockeCPM4 said:


> I think he is confused as to what he wants. Honestly it seems like hr has feelings for this woman. If he didn't he would probably be home fixing things with you.
> 
> Just focus on you for now. Walk sways spouses love to give odd bits of hope here and there but *it is his actions you must look for, not his words.
> *
> ...


Very important to remember.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Pinkk...while i have not read all the thread, i have read enough to see the similarities in our paths.

My wife is not who she used to be either, is having an EA/PA and is very very distant. I filed for divorce in November. Like many have said on here, begging, pleading, crying dont work. I tried too. 

Work on yourself. Be the best person you can be. You cannot change his feelings. Like your husband, I am confident that my wife will want back. I dont look at her the same anymore, so i dont see how i would ever take her back. Is that hard? sure. But, I think i deserve more, and I think you do too.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

Well he did come bac, A few days ago he realized he couldnt live without me and the kids. and now he knows i really love him and he wants to do everything to work on this. He did have sex with her and didnt use protection. I had him get a polygraph test to see if there were other, and there were not. SO, we move on from here, counseling, and he has a lot of work to do to get trust back. He said he would never do this again cause he felt so bad and it hurt everyone so much.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Good luck.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> Well he did come bac, A few days ago he realized he couldnt live without me and the kids. and now he knows i really love him and he wants to do everything to work on this. He did have sex with her and didnt use protection. I had him get a polygraph test to see if there were other, and there were not. SO, we move on from here, counseling, and he has a lot of work to do to get trust back. He said he would never do this again cause he felt so bad and it hurt everyone so much.


Good luck.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Good luck.

Remember...watch his actions, don't listen to his words


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Good luck and keep us updated on your progress, okay?


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pinkk said:


> Well he did come bac, A few days ago he realized he couldnt live without me and the kids. and now he knows i really love him and he wants to do everything to work on this. He did have sex with her and didnt use protection. *I had him get a polygraph test *to see if there were other, and there were not. SO, we move on from here, counseling, and he has a lot of work to do to get trust back. He said he would never do this again cause he felt so bad and it hurt everyone so much.


_ok really? _



:liar:
I'm sorry. I just find that hard to believe. First of all you 'don't just go get one done'...secondly it costs hundreds and I think you need a 'good reason' if not 'criminal' to have one done or people would be getting those done all over the place...what'd you do...get one off the shelf at Walmart? 

C'mon really? 


Sorry...really...but uh...no. I don't believe it.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> _ok really? _
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Umm YES i did! Even though part of me believed him i still HAD to get it done. It was $300 and in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Even though it seems like a lot of money wasted, to move forward I had to know if he was lying or not. Oh and BTW there are about 6 different places out here that do them. Some are more pricey and some are not.


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## Pinkk (Nov 23, 2012)

And to everyone else, thanks for the support. You guys are awesome and i will keep you all updated. I will watch his actions...for sure.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Just remember, its going to be hard. This is only the beginning. Glad you will be watching his actions. 

Take some time to read this thread for examples of what "heavy lifting" your H should be taking during this time: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/63182-what-does-heavy-lifting-mean-you.html

Good luck. It takes anywhere from 2-5 years to recover from infidelity and even then the relationship and trust will never be the same.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Pinkk said:


> And to everyone else, thanks for the support. You guys are awesome and i will keep you all updated. I will watch his actions...for sure.


Just curious, has there been anything worth updating in the last 8 months?


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