# Floundering...



## MartaB (May 19, 2015)

Not sure where to start. Have been thinking about he inevitability of divorce for quite some time now. My husband and I met when we were 16, were married at 21, had our first child at 24, and our second at 28. Our marriage has become something like a business arrangement or room mate situation. Higher education and any career goals I had took a back seat to the responsibilities of raising children and supporting his professional ambitions. 

Shortly before our second child was born my husband confessed that he no longer wanted to be married. We worked through it, clearly only patching it superficially. Again last year things came to a head and again we smoothed things over. I have been unhappy for a while now. I feel suffocated. I love him dearly and he is an amazing father and person. I'm afraid that I just love him enough to be married anymore. 

The reason that I am writing this post, finally, is because three weeks ago he found out about an online relationship that I had been having for several months. He's devastated and rightly so. The conversations were very intimate. I don't put any blame on him for what I did. I have tried talking to him about this for years. Asking that we please go to counseling together. He's not interested in going. He feels we can fix it ourselves. Which is obviously not true. 

I'm torn. I guess my real problem is, do I trade in one type of unhappiness for another? Will I actually be any happier on my own? Uprooting my children just so I can be happy? Oh, and I no longer talk to the man online. I wouldn't be making this decision based on him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some more info would help.

How long have you been married?
How old are your children?

You say that you tried talking to him about 'this' for years. What did you talk to him about for years?


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## MartaB (May 19, 2015)

We have been married for 15 years. Our children are 11 and 6. The "this" I was referring to would be just the lack of connection on both our parts. I've expressed my need to go to counseling and even suggested that we go together, for years. I want so badly to make the marriage work and I feel like he does too. Guess I'm not sure if the desire is there to make that happen.


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## Marlo (May 14, 2015)

Im not one of those people who believe you should stay together for the children. If you are both unhappy with your relationship and dont think you can fix it or dont want to even try to fix it then you should both move on. Divorce doesnt have to be a big fight or hard on the children if you two dont make it that way.

That being said, you and your husband need to decide if your relationship is really done. You've had an affair (emotional at least), does/can your husband forgive you? You havent actually stated what youre unhappy about or why you've felt you needed to go to counseling for years. Maybe this is a situation in which you can start by going to individual counseling and learning more about yourself, your needs, and your real issues (with your relationship).


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## statuscomforts (May 18, 2015)

If your husband forgave you would you even care for things to get better or is it done? I think its a bit crazy you could go online dating if you were still in this at all. You're looking for an escape out and hurting people in the process. How will it look if kids find out mommy is sleeping with other people? If you're that far out my personal opinion is to stop being one foot in and one foot out and make a decision asap.


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