# Wife not affectionate and I need her support!



## mattphx (Oct 26, 2010)

My wife and I have been married for 5yrs. she has never been very affectionate and it has actually gotten alot better since we've been married. Lately our small business has been struggeling and she has had to go back to work which has left me to watch our two kids alot more at night (5 and 2). We have gone and seen a life coach because an addiction problem I had a few yrs ago and it did wonders for us for a while. Now things seem to be going backwards, I am an affectionate person and the only place I get my affection is sex ( I kow I shouldn't complain) but The only time I get sex is when I initiate it, so I feel I have to initiate it all the time so I can get it a couple of times a week. I understand how shwe can feel pressured or even smothered, but I have needs and I feel like I am the only one working on things. I love my wife and do not want to push her away but I want affection. what to do?


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

Maybe it would help if we had a little more information. What kind of support do you feel is missing? Do you want her to initiate sex? Or is it emotional support?

In your post, you mentioned that she was with you as you struggled to overcome an addition. Additions can be very traumatic for those who live with you. Are you saying that she did not support you through this? Maybe she thinks she did.

Problem from the post is that you mentioned an addiction and a failed business where she had to go to work all in the early years of a marriage, but I'm not sure if you recognize that a person might push a little blame your way for this. Many people would struggle with these. My recommendation would be to consider the situation and talk to her about any possible unresolved anger. Go the extra mile in showing her how much you appreciate her standing beside you through this and begin to talk about the areas of need.


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## mattphx (Oct 26, 2010)

It is both I guess. Initiate sex and emotional support. My wife has always worked since she was 15 it fullfills her work ethic. We were fortunaye enough for the last three yrs for her to be able to stay home work or for our family business here and there. 
There is no doubt I have put her through alot with my past issues. It has been 2 yrs past but I know that does not heal quickly. My concerns are that now that business is slow, it's not failed but we have had to adjust our lifestyles and make tough decisions with employee's etc. With my wife's emotional support I feel I can handle anything and when sheinitiates sex it sure makes facing the stressful days much easier do deak=l with.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Maybe you should find out why you can only get emotional support through sex. That doesn't sound very healthy to me. A therapist would be a good idea here. Talking is another method of receiving emotional support and maybe the therapist could help you learn how to open up to this type of thing. She might be offering you emotional support in other ways but you just are not open to it.


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