# It,s hard and it wont go away



## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

Now what do I do!
Ok if porn is a problem what about male masturbation,
Do women think that blue balls is a real or a condition or something men dream up just to have sex.
How do you suggest a man relieve that pain if the wife always is “not in the mood”
Did I miss this in the marriage guide of sexual frustration section M page 37.
So what does a man do if the wife is anti porn anti regular sexual relation lets say female desire
Twice a week, but males would say 4 times a week.
So ladies if it is not ok to wack ones willy what do we do, and if it is ok what method do you suggest we do.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you need to talk to your spouse about this one... If she's anti-this, anti-that, she's the only one that can tell you what is acceptable. And you're the only one that can decide if those limitations are acceptable to you. 

So the section of the manual you're missing is under C, for "Communication"...

C


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

So PBear
What makes you think I haven't read the C section
I find this site seem to allway to favor the women.
Just for the record your responce did not help


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## YoungBuck (Mar 30, 2011)

Kind of rude? When I first read the subject of this post I was going to ask you if it had been more than 4 hours, and you should go to the doctor. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

venis said:


> So PBear
> What makes you think I haven't read the C section
> I find this site seem to allway to favor the women.
> Just for the record your responce did not help


Have you asked your wife what's acceptable to her? What was her response? She's the ONLY person in the world that can tell you it's ok to spank your monkey or not, as she's likely the only one who cares. Anyone else here can give you whatever answer is "ok" for them, but it matters not a whit if your spouse says no. And for the record, I'll give my blessing to you choking the chicken as many times as you like in a day, so long as your wife is satisfied with the attention you give her.

Also for the record... I'm a guy, and I don't think I "favor the women". Well, aside from them being my favorite bed partners in general... 

C


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## Boogsie (Aug 24, 2010)

PBear said:


> She's the ONLY person in the world that can tell you it's ok to spank your monkey or not


Bull$^!+. Its his monkey and his body so he can beat it like a dirty rug. 

What is she going to do, take it from him....wait, don't answer that.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Boogsie said:


> Bull$^!+. Its his monkey and his body so he can beat it like a dirty rug.
> 
> What is she going to do, take it from him....wait, don't answer that.


Sorry, I should rephrase that.  She's the only one that can say whether it's acceptable to her if he spanks his monkey or not. 

C


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## mrsmorehouse (Apr 19, 2011)

My 2 cents: talk to the wife, but if she's still anti-whatever... take a long shower with the door closed and grab the conditioner, LOL. Or send her to the store to get some groceries or something, get time to yourself. LOL!!

I'm anti-masturbation when it comes to my husband, but it's because it's MY job to do that, in whatever way he wants whenever he wants. Sorry about the TMI, but during that "week" of the month that I'm surfing the crimson wave, I still take care of him orally. He never goes without for more than 2-3 days. 

A sexually frustrated marriage is not a happy marriage. I agree, if she's not going to take the time to give you some loving, she needs to let you go bananas on yourself once in a while.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

YoungBuck said:


> Kind of rude? When I first read the subject of this post I was going to ask you if it had been more than 4 hours, and you should go to the doctor. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

venis said:


> Now what do I do!
> Ok if porn is a problem what about male masturbation,
> Do women think that blue balls is a real or a condition or something men dream up just to have sex.
> How do you suggest a man relieve that pain if the wife always is “not in the mood”
> ...


No where did any body state that masturbation was not OK.

Masturbation is natural and healthy, unless you can't get through the day without doing 15 times, then I think your good and as long as you still want sex.

If you can't masturbate without porn or porn images then you must have a good understanding of why porn is harmful.


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

YoungBuck said:


> Kind of rude? When I first read the subject of this post I was going to ask you if it had been more than 4 hours, and you should go to the doctor. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup: That was my first thought too. :lol:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

BlackMedicine357 said:


> :smthumbup: That was my first thought too. :lol:


I thought he meant filing taxes.


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## AltoSax4ever (Feb 23, 2011)

mrsmorehouse said:


> I'm anti-masturbation when it comes to my husband, but it's because it's MY job to do that, in whatever way he wants whenever he wants. Sorry about the TMI, but during that "week" of the month that I'm surfing the crimson wave, I still take care of him orally. He never goes without for more than 2-3 days.


Mother of God!!! I would climb Mt.Everest, I would build the Pyramids of Egypt, swim the Pacific, cook, clean, and worship the very ground that my wife walks on if she had THAT ATTITUDE!!!! Don't get me wrong, I love my wife dearly and take more than my share of responsibilities, but that kind of behavior a man would conquer countries for!!!


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

mrsmorehouse said:


> My 2 cents: talk to the wife, but if she's still anti-whatever... take a long shower with the door closed and grab the conditioner, LOL. Or send her to the store to get some groceries or something, get time to yourself. LOL!!
> 
> I'm anti-masturbation when it comes to my husband, but it's because it's MY job to do that, in whatever way he wants whenever he wants. Sorry about the TMI, but during that "week" of the month that I'm surfing the crimson wave, I still take care of him orally. He never goes without for more than 2-3 days.
> 
> A sexually frustrated marriage is not a happy marriage. I agree, if she's not going to take the time to give you some loving, she needs to let you go bananas on yourself once in a while.


My god can you talk to my wife???
DO you have a sister??? LOL
Your husband is one lucky man!!!


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## YoungBuck (Mar 30, 2011)

AltoSax4ever said:


> Mother of God!!! I would climb Mt.Everest, I would build the Pyramids of Egypt, swim the Pacific, cook, clean, and worship the very ground that my wife walks on if she had THAT ATTITUDE!!!! Don't get me wrong, I love my wife dearly and take more than my share of responsibilities, but that kind of behavior a man would conquer countries for!!!


Helen of Troy had an attitude like this. That's why the Spartans launched a thousand ships to get her back. lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

venis said:


> Now what do I do!
> Ok if porn is a problem what about male masturbation,
> Do women think that blue balls is a real or a condition or something men dream up just to have sex.
> How do you suggest a man relieve that pain if the wife always is “not in the mood”
> ...



So can we get back to the topic

What does aman do? please


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Hmm.. question: why won't you just masturbate? Does she have to know about it?

If she finds porn, toys etc. - that's a dead giveaway.
If she finds a used hankie - hey, you just blew your nose


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

God gave we men the best toy ever! We can't keep our hands off it! How many 5yr olds do you see with their hand down their trousers pulling it (no matter how much stretching of it you do, it doesn't get bigger!).

Wanking is something very personal to men. In a sexless marriage its all he has.
In a 'sexed' marriage it is simple an addition. A bit of escapism into a fantasy world...

If the only 'sex' a man has in a marriage is wanking then it is very sad indeed and I hope the wife feels guilty (mine certainly doesn't).

If the wife is very willing yet the husband would rather sit infront of a screen wanking over porn, then that too is very sad and HE should feel guilty.

Otherwise its a perfectly normal thing for men to do. 

Its a man thing!!!!!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

mrsmorehouse said:


> My 2 cents: talk to the wife, but if she's still anti-whatever... take a long shower with the door closed and grab the conditioner, LOL. Or send her to the store to get some groceries or something, get time to yourself. LOL!!
> 
> I'm anti-masturbation when it comes to my husband, but it's because it's MY job to do that, in whatever way he wants whenever he wants. Sorry about the TMI, but during that "week" of the month that I'm surfing the crimson wave, I still take care of him orally. He never goes without for more than 2-3 days.
> 
> A sexually frustrated marriage is not a happy marriage. I agree, if she's not going to take the time to give you some loving, she needs to let you go bananas on yourself once in a while.


AMEN, couldn't agree with this more. Excellently put :iagree: :iagree::iagree: Just reading the response by AltoSax4ever says it ALL, a man would give ANYTHING for a wife like this, the sheer power we have over our men with our sexual attitudes, many women have NO CLUE , they have not tapped into it. 

I have learned this in the past few years- to my husbands Delight. 

But before that -my husband was not like most men, he believed it was MY DUTY all along, and felt masterbating was a form of "cheating" somehow- he never did it (while we were married that is -plenty before that) - but waited for me. I had NO idea he felt this way cause we NEVER talked about it - he never got blue balls with once a week sex on average but he was suffering sexually & he used to be grouchy with the kids. Somehow he was still very wonderful to me. 

I recall only one time him asking for for a hand job, he used to wake up hard many mornings wishing it would just go down. How sad. He rarely pushed himself on me, he loved when I came on to him. (He kept this pain from me). 

Personally I was SHOCKED he told me he never masterbated all those years -cause I surely did !! And that SHOCKED him! How we missed each other sexually was a freaking shame. Our lack of sexual communication was pathetic! It was the only subject we tabooed in our marraige. Now it is our main subject. 

I never felt masterbating was a form of cheating (he must have got this idea from Church ?), that is something some women feel --and rightly so* IF *her sexual needs are not being met. 

But that is not the case with this poster at all. 

YES!! Men NEEEEEDDDDD to relieve themselves, this IS Healthy for the Prostate, it keeps you less irritable, less likely to stray, less resentment from an unwilling wife and it just feels gooood. 

We all need a release now & then! If your wife is not playing with it, by all means, grease the axle! Check out this exhausting list of Masterbation terms >>>> funny names for masterbation... - Hip Forums I played with my husbands so much for a time, I felt I was making him numb. I don't think I could live without one. I would have withdrawl. Ha ha


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Just tell her it is not healthy for you not to shoot! If she is a loving wife, she should be considerate of your health. If something bad happens to you, it is not good for her either! Either she takes care of you or let you take care of yourself!


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

But that is not the case with this poster at all. 

YES!! Men NEEEEEDDDDD to relieve themselves, this IS Healthy for the Prostate, it keeps you less irritable, less likely to stray, less resentment from an unwilling wife and it just feels gooood. 

We all need a release now & then! If your wife is not playing with it, by all means, grease the axle! Check out this exhausting list of Masterbation terms >>>> funny names for masterbation... - Hip Forums I played with my husbands so much for a time, I felt I was making him numb. I don't think I could live without one. I would have withdrawl. Ha ha[/QUOTE]

A sexually frustrated marriage is not a happy marriage. I agree, if she's not going to take the time to give you some loving, she needs to let you go bananas on yourself once in a while.

NOW we are talking Yes we need to be loved and mrsmorehouse and SimplyAmorous are my hero's thank you
I wish my lady thought this way but it's not in her some where in her life experence she perceved sex was not to be discussed or looked at. I would love to talk to her about sex and our sexulaty, but she just won't. So when folks here jump on me to talk to her it pisses me off. I have always tried and will continue to try but when she hears S E X her lips are sealed. I bet you a lot of men have this problem. So now what you say?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would but then my ADD kicks in and we ride bikes.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

according to a few of the ladies on here, your married to a woman who simply does not and will likely never "get it"

i am too. at least you get it twice a week.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

mrsmorehouse said:


> I'm anti-masturbation when it comes to my husband, but it's because it's MY job to do that, in whatever way he wants whenever he wants. Sorry about the TMI, but during that "week" of the month that I'm surfing the crimson wave, I still take care of him orally. He never goes without for more than 2-3 days.
> 
> A sexually frustrated marriage is not a happy marriage. I agree, if she's not going to take the time to give you some loving, she needs to let you go bananas on yourself once in a while.


I'm like this but I'm also probably the hornier one in my marriage. I'd be upset to know that he had an erection and I wasn't there to enjoy it.

But there were years when this wasn't the case and we didn't have sex as much as I wanted and hell yes I masturbated. And yes he knew about it. I'm like dude either we have sex or I'm taking care of it myself. I didn't care what he thought because because being sexually frustrated makes me cranky.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

venis said:


> But that is not the case with this poster at all.
> 
> NOW we are talking Yes we need to be loved and mrsmorehouse and SimplyAmorous are my hero's thank you
> I wish my lady thought this way but it's not in her some where in her life experence she perceved sex was not to be discussed or looked at. I would love to talk to her about sex and our sexulaty, but she just won't. So when folks here jump on me to talk to her it pisses me off. I have always tried and will continue to try but when she hears S E X her lips are sealed. I bet you a lot of men have this problem. So now what you say?


Venis, that's my point... And I wasn't trying to "jump on you". But it doesn't matter what SA and others say is ok, unless you happened to be married to them. Why do you need anyone else's approval to take matters into your own hands?

Personally, I say go ahead and do whatever you like with regards to satisfying yourself. And if she gives you grief because of that, calmly tell her that if she's not going to satisfy your sexual needs, you're taking care of them yourself. If she doesn't like that, then she needs to deal with her feelings on that or offer a compromise to you.

In my case, the lack of sex was a factor in my decision to split up with my wife. More significantly, it was her refusal to attempt to deal with her lack of desire in any way that impacted me. If she would have been willing to see a doctor, a counsellor, or whatever it might have been a different story, but she wasn't. And I wasn't willing to continue living like that. Even doing it myself wasn't cutting it anymore... The lack of intimacy, the resentments that were building, etc were just not improving, and I didn't see it getting any better as time went on.

So why are you asking? Does she say that you shouldn't be taking care of yourself? How does she say that, if she's not willing to talk about sex?

C


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

venis said:


> I wish my lady thought this way but it's not in her some where in her life experence she perceved sex was not to be discussed or looked at. I would love to talk to her about sex and our sexulaty, but she just won't. So when folks here jump on me to talk to her it pisses me off. I have always tried and will continue to try but when she hears S E X her lips are sealed. I bet you a lot of men have this problem. So now what you say?


Sounds like she has a morally repressive background? Ha ha read my story - click on my name & look for my "Awakening" thread. Been there !! The only difference with me would be - I was always very open communcatively about pretty much anything, never shutting anyone down. I think I needed my husband or someone to open my eyes, force the issue a little, I was just somewhere off on a cloud, too little experience with sex , busy & terriby uneducated, feeling good girls just dont "do that". Many regrets.


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Boogsie said:


> Bull$^!+. Its his monkey and his body so he can beat it like a dirty rug.



Like it stole from him! Like it owes him money!


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

Well its been 3 weeks and it the same old thing Blue Balls.
So I havent found a good answer yet.
lets look at this again and give me some good solutions.
:scratchhead:?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What's the question you want answered? I think the consensus here was to take things into your own hands if she won't help you. If you don't man up and force a change, your situation won't change.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

I agree with Syrum.

Masturbate and enjoy it. If you need the porn to masturbate, then you know why porn can be a problem.

May I add if you feel guilty about masturbating, or think it is your wife's job to do it, question where you got those thoughts. It could be an interesting exploration into your own beliefs and assumptions, which may or may not serve you well.


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

venis said:


> We all need a release now & then!


Simply take matters into your own hands.


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

Well it seem strange to just whip out the old member and stroke it. I think one needs to have some stimulation and their should be a purpose to the end. So I know that a young man and teen the problem was rock hard and always hurt. So the need to release the pressure was important. Now with the Blue ball problem I still need some of rise to the event?
So how do I do that?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

venis said:


> Well it seem strange to just whip out the old member and stroke it. I think one needs to have some stimulation and their should be a purpose to the end. So I know that a young man and teen the problem was rock hard and always hurt. So the need to release the pressure was important. Now with the Blue ball problem I still need some of rise to the event?
> So how do I do that?


Why does it seem strange? Yesterday I was just bored and so I put my hand down my pants and had a fabulous, mind blowing orgasm. Just cause I could. I wasn't even turned on when I started but quickly got into it. 

I knew my husband was tapped out from the day before and was tired. Sex with him wasn't an option yesterday and I knew it.


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## roymcavoy (Apr 15, 2011)

Yep. I did the same thing. ↑↑↑

Wife was passed-out from an exhausting day at work, and I needed to go to bed so I could be up early. Not the BEST option, but a release nonetheless.


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## luckyman (Apr 14, 2011)

This whole "blue-balls" phenomenon is a myth. When I was part of a recovery group for relationship issues, I decided I would remain celibate for a year. I masturbated ONE TIME during that one year of celibacy and I considered that a "slip." 

I did have two "nocturnal emissions" (thank you high school sex ed. teacher!), but other than that suffered no "blue balls." 

You can go twice a week without physiological damage. Trust me. There are many here who only have sex one per month or less with their wives. 

My advice would be to masturbate nonetheless. It is your body and if your wife doesn't want to align her own libido, or at least accommodate you sexually, then she should not be given a voice. Trying to persuade her with the old "blue-ball" story probably won't work.


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

QUOTE=luckyman;310833]This whole "blue-balls" phenomenon is a myth. When I was part of a recovery group for relationship issues, I decided I would remain celibate for a year. I masturbated ONE TIME during that one year of celibacy and I considered that a "slip." 

A MYTH !!!!
Well I'm here to tell you my MYTH hurts like hell! This is no myth for me it is very real. Probably as far back as I can remember in my life. So do you have some actual documentation that states that Blue Balls are a MYTH? I’m not looking for sympathy here but the facts are facts, and my facts sure tell what is real.
Question to both women and men do you know or have you heard that Blue Balls are a myth ?
BREAKING NEWS
BLUE BALL are fake!!!
:allhail:


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## luckyman (Apr 14, 2011)

venis said:


> QUOTE=luckyman;310833]This whole "blue-balls" phenomenon is a myth. When I was part of a recovery group for relationship issues, I decided I would remain celibate for a year. I masturbated ONE TIME during that one year of celibacy and I considered that a "slip."
> 
> A MYTH !!!!
> Well I'm here to tell you my MYTH hurts like hell! This is no myth for me it is very real. Probably as far back as I can remember in my life. So do you have some actual documentation that states that Blue Balls are a MYTH? I’m not looking for sympathy here but the facts are facts, and my facts sure tell what is real.
> ...


:scratchhead:I'm sorry you're in pain. Try not to arouse yourself if you are unwilling to masturbate...that or wait for a wet dream.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

It only happens if you get very aroused and then stop. If there is no chance of sex and you don't want to do the five knuckle shuffle then don't encourage it! :nono:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

venis said:


> Well it seem strange to just whip out the old member and stroke it. I think one needs to have some stimulation and their should be a purpose to the end. So I know that a young man and teen the problem was rock hard and always hurt. So the need to release the pressure was important. Now with the Blue ball problem I still need some of rise to the event?
> So how do I do that?


I still don't understand what the problem is, and you're not clarifying. Everyone here (pretty much) is saying whip it out and take care of it. Use porn if you need extra stimulation. Pick a time when your wife isn't around if you want some privacy. Take an extra long shower if you need to. Whatever. It's your body, so fill your boots.

Now, if your wife objects to you doing this for some reason, share that information, and why she objects. Maybe someone can help you with some discussions on how she either needs to "saddle up" herself, or let you DIY. But most people here aren't going to tell you what not to do.

Did you masturbate before you got married? Why is it any different now?

Personally, considering I can only remember one time I turned down my stbx-wife in 17 years of marriage, I never bothered to check with her to see if it was ok if I masturbated when I wasn't getting enough, but I never tried to hide it either. Well, I would be more concerned about the kids getting an eyeful (so to speak), but as far as she was concerned, I didn't worry about it at all. If she would have given me any grief, I would have no problem coming back with something like "Well, I like to cum once a day... Are you up for it?" and let the discussion go from there.

As far as blue balls go... Never experienced it myself. But it would be rare that I'd go more than a week without "cleaning the pipes"...

C


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

PBear said:


> If she would have given me any grief, I would have no problem coming back with something like "Well, I like to cum once a day... Are you up for it?" and let the discussion go from there.


My thoughts exactly. And while I don't have balls I can assure you I get very frustrated and crabby without that release. It's very real and all attempt to squash it have failed.


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

well I see you don't under stand I think or was taught that it was wrong to pleasure your self so I find it hard to deal with and may also believe it is a form of cheating. 
Many women here think the same way when you read the post


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

It is fine to masturbate and many men have done this without porn. Ask her is it's the masturbation or the porn? Porn isn't good for relationships.

If it's the masturbation, is it because you are not sexually satisfying her? many men watch porn, become addicted and can't have sex with their wives any more, they can't sexually function without porn. Is that you?

If her needs are met and yours are not then, ask her what would help increase her sex drive?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

venis said:


> well I see you don't under stand I think or was taught that it was wrong to pleasure your self so I find it hard to deal with and may also believe it is a form of cheating.
> Many women here think the same way when you read the post


I dont think you know about yourself as a man. you should read up on very credible research that indicates masturbation is natural and healthy. 

If it is a religious stricture you have been feed - ask your self this - Why would God make testosterone that makes it necessary for a man to ejaculate regularity? :scratchhead:

I dont understand why some women think that they own a man's body when they get married. The way I look at it, your wife is intruding in an area she does not belong. 

I think it is up to the man in a woman's life to teach her about men. how else would we know. If she does not want to hear then you have done all you can. 

It is your body, you have dominion over it and the responsibility to care for it. I think you should masturbate and feel no guilt. If masturbation upsets her, be discrete. 

You are doing her a service by being discrete, you could tell her that you intend to do as you please. You are also staying true to your God-given nature by doing a natural activity.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

its not cheating! If you have an itch scratch it!


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

venis said:


> Now what do I do!
> Ok if porn is a problem what about male masturbation,
> Do women think that blue balls is a real or a condition or something men dream up just to have sex.
> How do you suggest a man relieve that pain if the wife always is “not in the mood”
> ...


Blue balls is a very rel thing, but im wondering if you know what it is.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

smurf's have blue balls all the time


just have a talk with her and say a man got to do what a mans got to do. I'd rather have sex with my sexy wife but your just not interested in meeting my needs so I'll have to take care of it myself.

I hope I don't start resenting you because of poor attitude about whats important to me.

then say I'm going to bed and I'm going to rub one out thinking of my beautifull wife wish you would join me


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