# From the Ashes



## AFPhoenix

It's official...as of today I am a divorced man.

Here is my story from another thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/164673-long-painful-path.html

I know I will still need course controls from time to time and hope that I can rely on the "experts" on here as much as I relied on the stories, advice, and just the encouragment I received on the Going through Divorce site. It sounds funny...but I'm glad to be here. :scratchhead:


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## GusPolinski

AFPhoenix said:


> It's official...as of today I am a divorced man.
> 
> Here is my story from another thread:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/164673-long-painful-path.html
> 
> I know I will still need course controls from time to time and hope that I can rely on the "experts" on here as much as I relied on the stories, advice, and just the encouragment I received on the Going through Divorce site. It sounds funny...but I'm glad to be here. :scratchhead:


Congrats!!!


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## EleGirl

It's a great way to start a new year!!!

Out with the old.
In with the new.


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## Pluto2

Doesn't sound funny at all. You have closure on that part of your past. Now on to the future.


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## SamuraiJack

Here is your complimentary T-Shirt and hat!

You know why divorces cost so much?
Because they are WORTH IT! 


Seriously. Congratulations.
I know divorce isnt really something to celebrate, but the relief can be very real.


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## movealong

Welcome to the other side. We have cookies and we'll share them. LOL!


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## Fenix

movealong said:


> Welcome to the other side. We have cookies and we'll share them. LOL!


Yes!

And an occasional kick in the pants!


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## Chuck71

Congratulations AFP! I saw a lot of me in you when you started. Two years

ago I had just hit bottom and was coming out of the rabbit hole. You came a year later.

Your BOFA was my UG from a year earlier. But as you know..... I have to ask

how is D17? Has she spoken to her ex-bf since the break up?

You will get many of your old followers to post here if you post a link on your old thread.


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## FeministInPink

I know I'm late to the party, but congrats, AFP! Welcome to the other side


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## AFPhoenix

So...I called D17 on the way home on Mon and she said that my EX (it's really good to call her that now!) was there helping her with some homework (nursing skills). When I got there EX was trying to make small talk with me...I was cordial but didn't care to talk with her. She was complaining about her school, how she lost her job, how her computer wasn't working...on and on and on...then she noticed a picture of me and BOFA together. 

After she left, D17 told me that Raider (my EX if anyone doesn't know the story see my other thread) saw a really nice picture frame that BOFA bought me (missing the picture that she is getting printed out) and said it "Who got your dad this frame? And why doesn't it have a picture. That's kind of stupid". D17 said that she acted really jealous. I have to be honest...that made me feel good.


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## SamuraiJack

AFPhoenix said:


> So...I called D17 on the way home on Mon and she said that my EX (it's really good to call her that now!) was there helping her with some homework (nursing skills). When I got there EX was trying to make small talk with me...I was cordial but didn't care to talk with her. She was complaining about her school, how she lost her job, how her computer wasn't working...on and on and on...then she noticed a picture of me and BOFA together.
> 
> After she left, D17 told me that Raider (my EX if anyone doesn't know the story see my other thread) saw a really nice picture frame that BOFA bought me (missing the picture that she is getting printed out) and said it "Who got your dad this frame? And why doesn't it have a picture. That's kind of stupid". D17 said that she acted really jealous. I have to be honest...that made me feel good.


Awwwww...isnt it sad when they realize you simply arent there anymore? 
Heartwrenching...just heartwrenching.


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## Chuck71

AFPhoenix said:


> So...I called D17 on the way home on Mon and she said that my EX (it's really good to call her that now!) was there helping her with some homework (nursing skills). When I got there EX was trying to make small talk with me...I was cordial but didn't care to talk with her. She was complaining about her school, how she lost her job, how her computer wasn't working...on and on and on...then she noticed a picture of me and BOFA together.
> 
> After she left, D17 told me that Raider (my EX if anyone doesn't know the story see my other thread) saw a really nice picture frame that BOFA bought me (missing the picture that she is getting printed out) and said it "Who got your dad this frame? And why doesn't it have a picture. That's kind of stupid". D17 said that she acted really jealous. I have to be honest...that made me feel good.


get used to this.....this wasn't a one time occurrence.

You may think I'm crazy but...watch the snatch (from RB)

it will have nothing to do with love

and everything to do with control...


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## AFPhoenix

Does anyone still have dreams about their Ex? I had one last night and I was trying to win her back...i should say it was a nightmare. But to be honest, it still hurt a little...


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## SamuraiJack

AFPhoenix said:


> Does anyone still have dreams about their Ex? I had one last night and I was trying to win her back...i should say it was a nightmare. But to be honest, it still hurt a little...


She usually intrudes on my daytime thoughts. 17 years is a long time so I find myself referencing things about her.

Your subconscious will visit her from time to time.
Because of the way she was towards the end, when I do dream about her...it is never good.

But the dreams will be less and less as you get further down the road.


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## FeministInPink

AFPhoenix said:


> Does anyone still have dreams about their Ex? I had one last night and I was trying to win her back...i should say it was a nightmare. But to be honest, it still hurt a little...


I used to, occasionally, during the separation, but not anymore. The last one was maybe 6 mos ago, or maybe more now, and that dream was like closing a door.

I also have no children with the man, so never have to engage with him on anything, and never will. If you have to interact with a former spouse on a regular basis, especially if the interaction is negative, that person is just as likely to pop up in a dream as anyone else who is in your regular life, or more so if they are causing issues for you.


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## Jellybeans

I don't dream my ex too much but recently I had one with him in it.


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## Chuck71

More visions than dreams about WC.... happens when you write a book and

your X is in it. But it was the good X...from the 90s / early 00's.

I will always remember her and want to. What she turned into later...nah


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## 3Xnocharm

AFPhoenix said:


> Does anyone still have dreams about their Ex? I had one last night and I was trying to win her back...i should say it was a nightmare. But to be honest, it still hurt a little...


I dont any more, but I used to. Mostly they were of him and that horrible ex wife he got back together with taunting me.


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## Jellybeans

He got back with his ex wife, 3x?!


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## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> He got back with his ex wife, 3x?!


Yep. Divorced me for her.


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## AFPhoenix

LOL, 3X i just read your AVI...that was so me!

Not anymore : )


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## 3Xnocharm

AFPhoenix said:


> LOL, 3X i just read your AVI...that was so me!
> 
> Not anymore : )


Its STILL me, Im a fvcking idiot, LOL!


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## Fenix

AFPhoenix said:


> Does anyone still have dreams about their Ex? I had one last night and I was trying to win her back...i should say it was a nightmare. But to be honest, it still hurt a little...


I have only had one and it was fairly recent...about 5 weeks ago. He was torturing me. I was tied down and (almost) helpless. I hit a point and broke my bonds and killed him with a scissors I grabbed.

Nice, huh?



I can laugh now...but it freaked me out. A total metaphor for what went down...


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## LBHmidwest

I had one the other night. She showed up in my life with the kids, I came home and she was cooking supper. We never talked. She came to bed, we just slept, it was like my old life. Except I never ever talked to her.

I woke up and thought it was like she came back but I didn't want her back, like she was a ghost in my life, house.

It was weird, I know that. Kind of like the movie Ghost, I was there but not a part of it.


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## Chuck71

LBH..... how have you been brother?


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## AFPhoenix

Yeah LBH...how are you doing? Any progress on your journey?


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## chillymorn

bofa?????


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## Chuck71

breath of fresh air, his post separation g/f


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## AFPhoenix

I received a text from Raider yesterday wanting to get together to divide pictures. We are doing it tomorrow night...i'll keep you guys posted.


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## GusPolinski

AFPhoenix said:


> I received a text from Raider yesterday wanting to get together to divide pictures. We are doing it tomorrow night...i'll keep you guys posted.


I'd just scan everything and give her digital copies on a DVD.


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## Chuck71

if you are not comfortable with this meeting, which I don't think you are

have D17 go with you, or... BOFA. Trust me...a walk down memory lane

with RB would be beyond wonderful....but what exactly would it be done for?

Breaking you and BOFA up....talk about an ego boost for RB... yeah!

Course Chuck....you're one to talk, doing all your reconnects. Well...1st love 

had filed for D, 2nd love is single and I'm.... playing the field.

I considered a reconnect with both after WC and I D but UG swooped in.

I would not reconnect while involved with her.

Postpone if you feel it necessary


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## Fenix

Blech. I can't imagine anything more horrible.


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## Chuck71

The LaD thread isn't as electric as the GTDoS but we do like updates :rofl:


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