# Won't read, won't listen...



## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

Anyone out there hate to read? My husband does. He hasn't finished any book in over a decade...

Meanwhile, I have read so many books that COULD help him with his business, could help us both with our relationship, with parenting...

I tried to get him an audiobook that he can listen to on his droid, but he only listened up through ch 3 of that one... (that's about as far as he gets regardless)

He is attending MC, but there are so many other resources out there... I just wish I could get him to put some effort into it on his own.

Did anyone else READ (even if they hate it) to help save their marriage?

I guess part of me wonders how interested he is in saving the marriage (or maybe he doesn't think it's as bad as I do) if he doesn't even try to do more than MC (which I demanded).

Do most, some, a few read outside of their MC to find help?


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Similar situation (although husband and I both agreed on MC). 

I am a reader, he is not. He is attempting to read NMMNG now, but going at a slow pace. I guess that is what I can ask for now, but it sucks because there is so much helpful info when really reading & doing the exercises. I'm reading the 5 languages of love and periodically share with him what I'm learning or what we can try to do. I sometimes find the books more helpful, but at least in MC he is there, present and willfully participating.

I guess I'm not much help except that you are not alone.


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## turkish (Jun 24, 2012)

I just finished 'Awareness' which has been superb for me. I'm now reading 'Divorce Busters' and have NMMNG for when I finish that but I think I'm too late. She seems well and truly done with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

ItMatters said:


> Meanwhile, I have read so many books that COULD help him with his business, could help us both with our relationship, with parenting...


Most men don't want help from their wives. I learned this the hard way. 

But to answer your original question no my husband does not read. I saved my marriage pretty much single handedly although we did briefly do MC years ago.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

One thought: get him a kindle. I know I am a bit embarrassed to carry around a paper/hard cover book relating to marriage/relationships or other self-help stuff. The kindle is "private".


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

It's not that I hate to read, I actually like to. My problem is that I'm a slow reader. Verrrryyyyyy slow. Part of that is because I have to read a lot of contracts for my job, so I am slow and meticulous about what I read.

My therapist recommended two books last year to read last year and it took me forever. Not that I didn't want to read but between finding the time and my pace, it just stretches out.

I currently have three books that I am in the middle of reading. I but one, see another I want and buy it and start reading it without finishing the first.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

I read all day at work. Reading is the last thing I want to do in the few minutes of discretionary time I have in my day. I have eyestrain, my neck hurts and my attention span is shot.

So I listen to podcast type mp3 media on my phone or my computer(s). Fits my lifestyle, doesn't aggravate my ailments. The quality and quantity of material is way better and so is the cost


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

Sounds to me like a classic case of the W wanting to fix the H, whether he wants fixing or not. To me, if he asks for help, offer it. If he's happy not reading, why make him do something that he doesn't want to do. You're his wife, not his mother.


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## Vizion (Jul 21, 2012)

ItMatters said:


> Anyone out there hate to read? My husband does. He hasn't finished any book in over a decade...
> 
> Meanwhile, I have read so many books that COULD help him with his business, could help us both with our relationship, with parenting...
> 
> ...


I have been content before in my marriage when it was in fact in trouble. I just dont think he thinks its that bad. may need some direct clarification


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I hate to read. I refuse to read outside of work. I have to do it all day every day with varying degrees of complexity. To the point where the reading I do here about trying to save my marriage is considered leisurely reading.

I know books can help my marriage but I refuse to read them.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

I was with my first wife for almost 15 years and only seen her crack a book once (paperback fluff), never a newspaper, magazine or an Enquirer. In that time I must have read at least 40 books ranging from fiction biography, autobio and religion.

Current soon to be ex for last 3 years has read about 7 books all fiction fluff, no magazines, rag mags, etc. 

Do most/some women just have a lack of intellectual curiosity? Even when I rode the train/bus, I NEVER seen any women reading anything other than paperback fluff..wheras, I would feel ashamed to have my fluff in public and would rather take along a bio of a president, historical figure etc...


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

GhostRydr said:


> Do most/some women just have a lack of intellectual curiosity? Even when I rode the train/bus, I NEVER seen any women reading anything other than paperback fluff..wheras, I would feel ashamed to have my fluff in public and would rather take along a bio of a president, historical figure etc...


Haha. I think you're going to get slammed on this one...


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

My wife reads upward of 100 books a year - all fiction, no fluff. I read about 1 book a year, but read Time magazine cover to cover and NYT online. No fiction. I look at a computer monitor all day and find it difficult to sit and read for extended periods. I'd rather be active in my free time. 

Funny thing about my wife's reading is that she sends me to the library to get her books because I find better ones than she does when she goes. (hmm... That's what she tells me anyways). I come back with an armload each time and there are usually a few really good ones.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

GhostRydr said:


> Do most/some women just have a lack of intellectual curiosity? Even when I rode the train/bus, I NEVER seen any women reading anything other than paperback fluff..wheras, I would feel ashamed to have my fluff in public and would rather take along a bio of a president, historical figure etc...


I'm a woman. I read pretty much anything I can get my hands on. Sci-fi, thrillers, biographies, literary classics, self-help, religious texts, magazines, newspapers, and backs of serial boxes. And yes, lots and lots of romantic fiction, paranormal romance, and historical romance. I find the average "fluff" paperback is small and light to carry, amenable to a start-stop reading style, and easy and cheap to replace if it's lost or damaged - making it ideal for travel. So that's what you'll likely see me reading on the train or in a waiting room. And I'm no more embarrassed to be seen reading Sandra Brown or Kresley Cole than I am to be seen reading Mark Twain or Hildegard of Bingen.

For what it's worth, I think it would be more correct to say some _people_ just have a lack of intellectual curiosity. I don't think that's particular to women.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

People have different forms of communication. If you want to reach him, don't do it through reading. Just talk with him.


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