# How to recover



## Paloze82 (Jul 23, 2019)

Hello wondering if any couples have experience with trying to recover intimacy after suffering infertility. It is such an invasive and stripping experience, knocking you out emotionally, mentally and financially. Husband was always HL partner and before having DS, I was a hormonal mess. Now after multiple aggressive therapies have passed, I’m at an impasse trying to figure out if it was the experience or me that creates anxiety for him in that arena of our marriage. I wonder if this was all my fault, but medically, things were wrong that effected me. Trying to reclaim and repair and heal a very private thing we had is so hard to figure out. We are in counseling and try to spend time together. It’s like we’re starting over again, courting, talking. I don’t think it is well understood the trauma and pain couples endure. How do you heal? How do you, as a couple, recover from something as traumatic as this? Even though you’re together, it’s very isolating.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your post is a bit hard to understand.

What do "HL" and "DS" mean?

Was it your husband who cheated? From what I gather, you had some sort of female health problem and he cheated, perhaps as is way of dealing with your issues. Is that right?


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

DS = Dear Son
HL = High Level

So sorry to hear you are going through this. 

My husband and I are in a similar boat. We are starting our first round of IUI after trying for #2 for over a year. It is draining tracking your ovulation, talking to your husband about your fertile time, etc. It does absolutely destroy the intimacy and sex feels like a cattle call. 

This issue is absolutely from your struggle as a couple with infertility. You are on the right track attending therapy and trying to "date" again. Time will heal this wound and you will find intimacy again!


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## Paloze82 (Jul 23, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Your post is a bit hard to understand.
> 
> What do "HL" and "DS" mean?
> 
> Was it your husband who cheated? From what I gather, you had some sort of female health problem and he cheated, perhaps as is way of dealing with your issues. Is that right?


no cheating here...
Just bad plumbing. I have ovarian cysts and diminished ovarian reserve. Essentially old plumbing in a young body


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Paloze82 said:


> no cheating here...
> Just bad plumbing. I have ovarian cysts and diminished ovarian reserve. Essentially old plumbing in a young body


Apparently I cannot read.. I read "infertility" as "infidelity" lol Sorry about that.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Trauma is an interesting thing, and I think people deal with it differently and there is no right or wrong way. 

Ester Perel has a famous quote when she talks about the Holocaust survivors she studied and it went something like there are two types of survivors, those that did not die, and those that were brought back to life. I loved that quote, and I think If you endured a trauma you understand it on a deep level. 

How I handle my trauma will be different than how you should handle yours. I suggest watching some YouTube videos on grief and surviving.


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