# How did you get past it?



## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

So here is the scenario:

You love a man very much and trust him utterly and completely for 13 years.

He betrays that trust and you give him a second chance.

He betrays that trust again.

What he wants means more to him than not hurting you and
he continues to rub that in every time you see him or talk to him.

You HAVE to continue seeing him and talking to him because you have kids.
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Is there anything I can do to make this easier? I keep reminding myself that I don't want to be around this person that my husband has become anymore, and I keep it together for the kids, but I still end up sobbing every day the kids are away with him because it hurts so much. I know time is supposed to cure all things, but is there some way to help it along??


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

It's like I'm reading my own story. I'm in the exact same boat. What I can tell you is that once we separated there was a bit of relief. Not that I did not cry every single day and almost collapse every time I got out of the kids' sight, but there was a sense of relief. I no longer had to worry about whether he was coming home on time, whether he was where he said he was, whether he was secretly planning his escape, etc., etc. 

This takes a lot of time, so don't beat yourself up that you're not farther along than you want. I found a great counselor who specializes in family issues, marital problems, divorce and co-parenting. For now, things are very raw, so it's okay to only have very minimal contact with your H - email or text and only when it's about the kids or finances. The no contact does help. You have to go through a withdrawal period - certain times of the day bothered me because that's when we would usually call to see how the day was going, but that does start to fade. Counseling helps a lot and so do my friends. I am very lucky in that I kept my girlfriends very close - we've been together for years and they have stood by and let me scream, cry, swear and do whatever I need to do to get through it. Believe it or not, this site also really helps. Reading about other people's stories and reading about the mentality of a cheater helps me to understand. I'm very new to this too, but I am starting to see that I will be okay. I know this - I would rather be alone than be with someone who found it okay to lie, cheat and break my heart over and over again. You'll get there. Time is a dreaded word to us right now, but we can't wish it away. The only way out is through.


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## ChrisInNOVA (Jan 3, 2011)

Sorry to hear this - it sounds painful.

I have read that people treat it like a business relationship make the process of emotionally detaching much easier.

One specific example I have sen is communicating through a neutral 3rd party who can be trusted to only relay messages about the kids.

That gives the emotional space needed to start healing without being re-injured over and over again.


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