# Pubic grooming and its effect on your level of attraction to your spouse



## stacylong (Mar 14, 2016)

:fro:

I will try to keep this as generic as possible but I am curious to hear from men and women on this topic. 

A little background about myself 45 and my spouse is 36. Been together for almost 2.5 years and married 9 months. My spouses preference is definitely completely shaved while I am the extreme opposite with the exception that I do prefer a little maintenance of pubic hair.

Here is the issue, I love my spouse dearly and overall find my spouse to be attractive. Truth be told however, I am in no way attracted to my spouse sexually due to their complete hair removal. I have expressed on multiple occasions as nicely as I could that it would be a much bigger turn on for me if my spouse would let their pubic hair grow. It has become so big an issue for me that the non-attraction to their private area that it is caused problems in the bedroom. I would be more than willing to go the route of shaved occasionally to meet my spouse half way if they would do the same. 

Unfortunately, my spouses view point is that I should love and accept them for who they are and what they are not what I want them to be. I have told my spouse that I love he/her unconditionally but can not help what I am attracted to. My spouse has on many occasions told me how I look so much better doing such and such with my appearance, and to make he/her happy I do those things. However the one thing that would really turn me on that I have asked them to do they will not do.

I find it to be incredibly hurtful when there have been other people that have crossed paths in my life and they were willing to compromise or even just allow their pubic hair to grow just to make me happy but my own spouse is not willing to do the same.

I know men and women view sex differently and some may not be as visual as others.

Am I being too sensitive in this subject and just get over it and respect that my spouses body is theirs and not mines? Or do I have a right to respectfully request and expect my spouse to change their pubic grooming habits for me? :|:fro:


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Just staying trimmed is enough for my wife and me. I definitely don't like the completely natural (untrimmed) look. Too much hair definitely gets in the way, not to mention in my teeth. I hate having to stop to get hairs off my tongue when going down on my wife. Shaved private parts would be ideal for that, and aesthetically appealing, but not practical. Just keeping it cropped close is fine with me. Even if she didn't do that, it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me at all because she tastes so danged good.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

stacylong said:


> I know men and women view sex differently and some may not be as visual as others.
> 
> Am I being too sensitive in this subject and just get over it and respect that my spouses body is theirs and not mines? Or do I have a right to respectfully request and expect my spouse to change their pubic grooming habits for me? :|:fro:


No, you are not being "too sensitive". We all have our preferences, and they are what they are. You are allowed to have yours, even if they are different than your spouses. In the grand scheme, grooming preferences are pretty minor things. 

Your spouses body is their own. You have no "right" to tell them to do anything they don't want to do. You can only ask and hope they are interested enough in your pleasure to try things outside of their comfort zone. 

Express your desire in a positive and loving way. Don't beg for it, don't demand it. Just ask, and in turn find out if there something they would like you to do different.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I don't think it's wrong to ASK, but if she doesn't want to you have to respect it. 

I would be curious why she won't at least TRY it though.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'm an anti-hair advocate and greatly prefer my woman to either be shaven or very closely trimmed!  Au naturale, IMHO, is just not conducive to great oral sex! No one really enjoys interrupting a great oral experience by either coughing up or picking a pube out of their mouth/teeth. If I ever need dental floss, it's up in the medicine cabinet!

With that being said, in order to help her to enjoy what I had to offer from a sexual standpoint, I would be more than receptive to doing for her what she does for me, just as to what her preference might be!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Acoa said:


> No, you are not being "too sensitive". We all have our preferences, and they are what they are. You are allowed to have yours, even if they are different than your spouses. In the grand scheme, grooming preferences are pretty minor things.
> 
> Your spouses body is their own. You have no "right" to tell them to do anything they don't want to do. You can only ask and hope they are interested enough in your pleasure to try things outside of their comfort zone.
> 
> Express your desire in a positive and loving way. Don't beg for it, don't demand it. Just ask, and in turn find out if there something they would like you to do different.


This is how My wife feels about the whole grooming thing. I grow a mustache, Whatever it's yours. I grow a beard, whatever it's yours. I manscape, whatever it's yours (unless it's prickly). Sometimes I just wish she would express an opinion, zero G A S.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

stacylong said:


> Am I being too sensitive in this subject and just get over it and respect that my spouses body is theirs and not mines? Or do I have a right to respectfully request and expect my spouse to change their pubic grooming habits for me? :|:fro:


I've often heard of people objecting to shaving because it creates a situation where things can become itchy and uncomfortable as hair grows back, but I've never heard of anyone objecting to let pubic hair in private areas grow out.

Now if you are talking about a shaving or growing a beard, a spouse can encourage that, but not expect it. Some professions require a man to be clean cut and well groomed face, and even if a man's profession does not require it, he may very well interact with men that do.

Then there are those that really can't grow pubic hair and just look better shaved.

If you can't grow it on your face that well, the carpets likely match the drapes!

Badsanta


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You married someone your not attracted to? And now you can't remember is they're a he or she?


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## stacylong (Mar 14, 2016)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You married someone your not attracted to? And now you can't remember is they're a he or she?


LOL I was just trying to remain neutral and not indicate who was who. I really want to hear from both men and women on the subject as far as what were realistic expectations in a marriage when it came to pubic grooming and what would others be wiling to do to turn their spouses on.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OK, I was confused at first, read the title as "Public grooming" and couldnt figure out why everyone was talking about their "parts" lol.

Now that I got everything straight though, my wife loves it when I am clean shaved (my face). However, it is my decision whether or not I shave. As far as down below, I like to keep things cleaned up just a little so there are no issues with long hairs getting in my wife's way.

As far as my W, I do prefer her to be clean shaved down below b/c I find it makes PIV more enjoyable and additionally makes things much easier for me when performing oral. She is of the same mindset so it is not an issue but if she decided she didn't want to do I wouldn't have an issue with. Only thing, I would probably perform oral less.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I like trimmed but not shaved. So does my wife. The only thing I don't care for is the untrimmed, completely natural look. Just too much hair. Shaved is okay but not my favorite.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> OK, I was confused at first, read the title as "Public grooming" and couldnt figure out why everyone was talking about their "parts" lol.


Me too. I was curious as to what kind of public grooming was going on. Like were you out to dinner and he was clipping his nails at the table or what?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> Me too. I was curious as to what kind of public grooming was going on. Like were you out to dinner and he was clipping his nails at the table or what?


I was thinking something along the lines of t his lol:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I was thinking something along the lines of t his lol:


*Now this is the kind of "public grooming" 
that I have usually laid witness to at the Houston Zoo!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

H shaves 'down there'. Which is nice, but I don't care if he doesn't do it. He has a coarse hairy chest, but surprisingly 'down there' the hair is softer and finer so it doesn't make too much of a difference if he doesn't. There isn't a plethora of unruly bush to get through.

I used to be a more natural girl down there, until I hit about 25, now I prefer the landing strip and so does my H. Occasionally I'll go totally bare and he likes it, but I prefer the added maturity of the thin landing strip.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Dude, we know you're a dude married to a woman. All the attempted coy gender obfuscation just makes it harder to read. 

I prefer neatly/closely trimmed, but the other options are OK. Shaved bare reminds me of porn, looks creepily prepubescent on some women, and razor burn/folliculitis can be unsightly. If things are left "untended", then hygiene becomes doubly important. 

It's dispiriting when your partner won't make some easy accommodation that turns you on, barring practical reasons against. But then, from your other thread, your W seems a bit insensitive and focused on other men in general...maybe she's catering to someone else's tastes?


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

I heard a saying recently "there's only room for one woman in a relationship"
You sound like a woman when I read this. Shut up about it and be glad you have her.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

jdesey said:


> *I heard a saying recently "there's only room for one woman in a relationship"
> You sound like a woman when I read this. * Shut up about it and be glad you have her.


I think the bolded a lot when I read on TAM . . . But our desires are what they are. If the OP wants her shaved, it is what he wants. Does not mean she has to do it. But we do not necessarily choose what we find attractive.


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## stacylong (Mar 14, 2016)

Phil Anders said:


> Dude, we know you're a dude married to a woman. All the attempted coy gender obfuscation just makes it harder to read.
> 
> I prefer neatly/closely trimmed, but the other options are OK. Shaved bare reminds me of porn, looks creepily prepubescent on some women, and razor burn/folliculitis can be unsightly. If things are left "untended", then hygiene becomes doubly important.
> 
> It's dispiriting when your partner won't make some easy accommodation that turns you on, barring practical reasons against. But then, from your other thread, your W seems a bit insensitive and focused on other men in general...maybe she's catering to someone else's tastes?


Yes I realized that. I was just trying to stay as neutral as much as possible. 

Anyway yes I prefer a trimmed but not completely bare prepubescent look. For those out there that may ask, why marry someone your not attracted to? My answer would be I am still attracted to my wife. As with all relationships however, you tend to over look things much more when the relationship is new. I never was really turned on as much by her nude body as much as I was by the fact that she was the woman I loved. I told her early on that I did not like the prepubescent look and would really like it if she let her hair grow out. Her response was she said she would one day and she would work on it. That was over a year ago. 

I have tried to get her to tell me why she feels the need to have to stay bare down there. I have told her that she is a clean woman and growing her hair out some would not cause her to stink. (Some might disagree with me on this matter but I truly think a woman's odor is determined more by body chemistry.) I have been with women that were shaven and had a bad odor and been with women that had more hair and did not have an odor.

I guess I question why something that would be so easy for her to do to please me would be so hard for her. Then again, from issues discussed in previous post it falls in line with her personality.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> This is how My wife feels about the whole grooming thing. I grow a mustache, Whatever it's yours. I grow a beard, whatever it's yours. I manscape, whatever it's yours (unless it's prickly). Sometimes I just wish she would express an opinion, zero G A S.


That sucks. I somewhat know how you feel.

My wife at least expresses opinion on facial hair. Ill keep it 5 oclock shadowed (hate shaving). That works for her, and myself as well.

As far as down there? Ive had to go all the way down to 5 oclock shadow down there for her to notice. I guess if your eyes arent down there it could be hard to notice differences. But I would be wrong about that as "she does that plenty" EYE ROLL.

To the OP. Your wife sounds really uncaring and not into you. As bad as my wife can be on some things, she has at least let me shave her down there to try something different. To not even try out what you want for a bit? Kind of harsh.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I am all for individuality.
However, sexually speaking, if it turns my wife on, I'll do it.
End of story.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Personally, I keep mine close cropped. I don't like shaving because the regrowth is uncomfortable and itchy and I can't bear the thought of getting it waxed. Just thinking about that makes my eyes water - it's bad enough having other parts waxed so I'm not inflicting that sort of pain on my lady parts!

That said, this slightly reminds me of a situation I had with a past partner. I always bathed before bed and would usually apply talcum powder under my arms and on my feet. My partner objected to this - he had a foot fetish and didn't like the taste of the talc and he also liked to "access all areas" so to speak so didn't want any unnatural stuff on my body at all. I went along with this - it made our sex life better for both of us. He also preferred me to be naked in bed and on the few occasions I got into bed wearing something sexy he'd just say "Get rid of that, your bare body is the sexiest thing" which was actually quite thrilling.

Now I'm no longer with that partner, I again use talc on my underarms and on my feet if I shower immediately before bed. If I were your wife, I think I'd just let it grow a little to please you and keep it close cropped - that's much easier to achieve and maintain anyway


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

This may be tmi, but I have super straight pubic hair. If I let it grow it can be very uncomfortable for me to be touched the wrong way, like petting a smooth-haired animal the wrong way. This makes any touching in the pubic area not as pleasant for me, way more pleasurable with it smoothe. It is also very sparse so I find it unattractive, therefore I keep it bare down there. Could this be an issue for your wife? Lucky for me Mr Giro likes it that way.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> I was thinking something along the lines of t his lol:


Omg, I laughed out loud! You crack me up.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I guess I can't understand why your partner is unwilling to try letting the hair grow in for your preference. Is there a reason? My husband is free to do whatever he chooses but he knows he is going to get BJ's much more often if everything is trimmed. I'm fine with oral here and there untrimmed but will be much more enthusiastic if trimmed. Sooo...he keeps it trimmed.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> OK, I was confused at first, read the title as "Public grooming" and couldnt figure out why everyone was talking about their "parts" lol.
> 
> Now that I got everything straight though, my wife loves it when I am clean shaved (my face). However, it is my decision whether or not I shave. As far as down below, I like to keep things cleaned up just a little so there are no issues with long hairs getting in my wife's way.
> 
> As far as my W, I do prefer her to be clean shaved down below b/c I find it makes PIV more enjoyable and additionally makes things much easier for me when performing oral. She is of the same mindset so it is not an issue but if she decided she didn't want to do I wouldn't have an issue with. Only thing, I would probably perform oral less.


Haha me too. I was expecting OP to ask, why are these people I saw the other day filing their nails and shaving their faces in public?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

OP, I have the opposite issue with current BF. He used to trim very regularly but lately he has been busy and that has kind of fallen by the wayside. I am hesitant to even bring it up, but lots of hair is a bit of a turn-off and kind of gets in the way. Am wondering if I start to make a cat-coughing-up-a-hairball noise at an opportune time, if he'll get the message. Kidding. Sort of.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Fitnessfan said:


> I guess I can't understand why your partner is unwilling to try letting the hair grow in for your preference. Is there a reason? My husband is free to do whatever he chooses but he knows he is going to get BJ's much more often if everything is trimmed. I'm fine with oral here and there untrimmed but will be much more enthusiastic if trimmed. Sooo...he keeps it trimmed.


That works both ways you know.
My wife shaves, and it makes me want to bury my face in her !!! even more, which, causes her to shave, a lot. 
:grin2:.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*IMHO, hair grooming should be one of a purely personal choice! As with me, if I totally let myself go, I'd make King Kong look like a piker!

I have to trim! Having said that, I trim or get rid of any inessential hair growth! 

After all, I don't really want to look like I'm habitually carrying around a brown shag rug on my chest, shoulders, or back! The way I see it, the less hair, the better!

Even for the joint and aesthetical value of sex! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

stacylong said:


> LOL I was just trying to remain neutral and not indicate who was who. I really want to hear from both men and women on the subject as far as what were realistic expectations in a marriage when it came to pubic grooming and what would others be wiling to do to turn their spouses on.


I dunno. Kinda hard to be neutral for me to give advise properly.

Dudes with 100% clean shave junk = Creepy.

Girls with 100% clean shaven junk = Hot as hell.

I do liberally manscape for hygienic reasons but I still look like a man not a male pornstar or an 11 yr boy.

So for me it depends who the spouse is. If they refuse to not shave for you then you kind of have to accept it if you married them knowing they didn't like it.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

I have my own thread sort of running on this same subject. 
But I'll expound a bit here as well.

My wife is 53 yo, 18 when we married. Been married 35 years.

Up until about the end of last summer, all she EVER did was slightly trim off a little "curl" that would sort of crop up right in the top of her slit. She/we might have done the trim maybe 4-5 times in 35 years. She always said "NO, WE'RE NOT SHAVING IT".

When we started going to the lake regularly, (last summer) I suggested a little bit of a trim & shave might be in order. She agreed, so now, it's "I need a trim & shave" at least twice a week.:grin2: All year long. I shave her entire.......except for a small triangle patch from just below her belly button to just above her slit. And keep that triangle trimmed really short so it doesn't tickle my nose. :grin2: And afterwards, a really good tongue job to see if I missed anything.

Oh, I said to her once when I got finished grooming her "now, it's your turn to do me", she just sort of grinned and said "guys are supposed to have hair". And I'm fine with that.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

stacylong said:


> I know men and women view sex differently and some may not be as visual as others.
> 
> Am I being too sensitive in this subject and just get over it and respect that my spouses body is theirs and not mines? Or do I have a right to respectfully request and expect my spouse to change their pubic grooming habits for me? :|:fro:


You are allowed to have preferences and dislikes. 

You can ask your spouse to change but they also have the right to refuse, it is their body after all.

That said, you can say "I find you more attractive ... such-and-such..."

My wife and I go through this with her outfits, usually Sunday mornings before church. She'll wear something and ask me if I like it. I say she looks nice. She'll push and ask if I am attracted or if she looks cute. I tell her she looks nice. We'll repeat that a couple times until she quits.

The point is I have a certain preference for clothing that she does not like. I do not have to change my preferences for her. But if she wants to be more attractive to me then she needs to change what she is doing. Same goes for clothing, lingerie and pubic hair style. 

In the past I would have told her anything to make her feel loved, even it wasn't the truth. Now I'm learning I am allowed to have preferences and if the relationship isn't one where I can share my opinion respectfully then we have bigger issues.


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## scooterM (Apr 4, 2016)

My wife and I are both 45, I've always kept my pubes groomed and my balls shaved; but in reality she has told me she doesn't care either way. I do it for me, I like the feel of it better. For her, she's been 100% our whole 18 years of marriage, and it's an annoyance for her when it's swimsuit season and trims as little as possible. Could care less either way, although her bushy pubes just take a little work to get out of the way when I go down on her. I've hinted a few times that it would be nice to see trimmed up or even shaved once, but she hasn't and has no interest. In the grand scheme of things, it's just hair.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

As with everything, grooming is good. 

As is being open to do things that turn your spouse on. 

GGG all the way.

You have more than a right to ask. You have a responsibility to disclose your preferences. 

Just like she has a right to say "no damn way."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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