# >>>>>XX>>>>>



## whatdoido38

.....


----------



## Blondilocks

Was it an extra set of toys or the very ones you use?


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## whatdoido38

Blondilocks said:


> Was it an extra set of toys or the very ones you use?





> >>


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## Blondilocks

Can they be used solo?


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## whatdoido38

Blondilocks said:


> Can they be used solo?


.....


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## Blondilocks

There are several reasons he may have had them in his briefcase in his truck:
1. He was intending on using them solo while away from home.
2. He was planning on whisking you away for a little 'picnic' and having sex with you in the fresh air.
3. He was planning on taking them to the store and asking for upgrades. (ewwww)
4 He was planning on enjoying them with another partner. (another ewwww)

I would take the toys, lay low and watch his actions. Or, if you know they are still in the truck you can get hot and heavy and tell him to get out one of the toys and watch his actions with follow-up questions.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Interesting.....hmmmm.....


----------



## whatdoido38

Blondilocks said:


> There are several reasons he may have had them in his briefcase in his truck:
> 1. He was intending on using them solo while away from home.
> 2. He was planning on whisking you away for a little 'picnic' and having sex with you in the fresh air.
> 3. He was planning on taking them to the store and asking for upgrades. (ewwww)
> 4 He was planning on enjoying them with another partner. (another ewwww)
> 
> I would take the toys, lay low and watch his actions. Or, if you know they are still in the truck you can get hot and heavy and tell him to get out one of the toys and watch his actions with follow-up questions.


ZZZZ


----------



## ccpowerslave

I would just tell him what happened and ask him straight up what the deal is rather than playing hide and seek games.


----------



## Blondilocks

ccpowerslave said:


> I would just tell him what happened and ask him straight up what the deal is rather than playing hide and seek games.


Because if he is up to no good, then he will lie and gaslight her. If he comes right out and says "Hey Babe, have you seen the butt plugs (whatever)" then she'll have more confidence in him telling her the truth.


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## happyhusband0005

ccpowerslave said:


> I would just tell him what happened and ask him straight up what the deal is rather than playing hide and seek games.


I agree, plus if he is up to something, the delay between him discovering they're missing and talking to you will give him time to come up with a plausible cover story.


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## Blondilocks

That plausible cover story would be a hoot to read.


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## MJJEAN

So he has a burner phone for "porn" (because no one ever used incognito mode...) and a briefcase full of sex toys. Yeah, those are some large and bright red flags.

He's either taking his toys to work so he can masturbate while watching porn on his secret phone or, _much_ more likely, the secret phone is how he keeps in touch with his affair partner(s), prostitutes, or random hook-ups and he's using the toys with them.

DO NOT use those toys again. They're either contaminated with his anal bacteria or someone else's vaginal and/or anal bacteria.

Mouth shut. Eyes open. And you absolutely have cause to snoop. Which you should. Without him knowing so he cannot hide or destroy evidence.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Blondilocks said:


> Because if he is up to no good, then he will lie and gaslight her. If he comes right out and says "Hey Babe, have you seen the butt plugs (whatever)" then she'll have more confidence in him telling her the truth.


I dunno. If he has a simple explanation (even if embarrassing) then it is a very passive and weak way to confront him about it.

What if he just goes oh well I’ll procure a new supply and never mention it. My guess is he never tries to incorporate toys again in that case.

I think it’s also pretty easy to tell if someone you know well is lying unless they’re an actor or sociopath.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

ccpowerslave said:


> I would just tell him what happened and ask him straight up what the deal is rather than playing hide and seek games.


This. Especially as we're all older now, just be direct.

You'll sleep better, and no time to sit and stew wondering. Simple is better.


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## happyhusband0005

Blondilocks said:


> That plausible cover story would be a hoot to read.


He's taking them to the mechanics for a tune up.


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## whatdoido38

MJJEAN said:


> So he has a burner phone for "porn" (because no one ever used incognito mode...) and a briefcase full of sex toys. Yeah, those are some large and bright red flags.
> 
> He's either taking his toys to work so he can masturbate while watching porn on his secret phone or, _much_ more likely, the secret phone is how he keeps in touch with his affair partner(s), prostitutes, or random hook-ups and he's using the toys with them.
> 
> DO NOT use those toys again. They're either contaminated with his anal bacteria or someone else's vaginal and/or anal bacteria.
> 
> Mouth shut. Eyes open. And you absolutely have cause to snoop. Which you should. Without him knowing so he cannot hide or destroy evidence.


ZZZZ


----------



## ccpowerslave

whatdoido38 said:


> Incognito : honestly I really don't know to use incognito mode on my phone. His work phone is just for work. I'm pretty sure they are being monitored on those phones.
> Usage of toys: Oh no, I will not use them again.
> Mouth shut. Eyes open: so don't confront him yet? This is eating me alive. What should I do? Take pictures of what I've seen? Prepare to separate ?


If you’re already this far on the jump to conclusions mat then you seem to have trust issues that make me wonder if there are other reasons not to trust him that you haven’t posted here?


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## happyhusband0005

whatdoido38 said:


> Incognito : honestly I really don't know to use incognito mode on my phone. His work phone is just for work. I'm pretty sure they are being monitored on those phones.
> Usage of toys: Oh no, I will not use them again.
> Mouth shut. Eyes open: so don't confront him yet? This is eating me alive. What should I do? Take pictures of what I've seen? Prepare to separate ?


Just talk to him for crying out loud. Many marriages fail due to lack of communication. You'll know in your gut if he's lying. Check the phone records of his porn phone.


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## MJJEAN

whatdoido38 said:


> Incognito : honestly I really don't know to use incognito mode on my phone. His work phone is just for work. I'm pretty sure they are being monitored on those phones.
> Usage of toys: Oh no, I will not use them again.
> Mouth shut. Eyes open: so don't confront him yet? This is eating me alive. What should I do? Take pictures of what I've seen? Prepare to separate ?


You snoop. If you don't know how to use incognito just google. I use chrome and it's as simple as touching the dots in the upper right corner, then touching the incognito option. Once that's done whatever you do isn't in your history and that makes browsing porn private. It's easy, been around since forever, and I'm going to go with he absolutely knows how. I'd also bet he knows how to hide folders, use secured folders, make burner text numbers and emails, and keep his activities hidden. Again, all easy to do, common, and been a thing for quite some time. Hell, I'm in my mid-40's and not that tech friendly anymore and even I have burner emails and a burner text number so I can sign up for coupon codes and such without getting my actual email and actual phone number spammed. If I wanted to use those services to cheat it would be ridiculously easy. Dating services, escorts, affair partners...all easy to communicate with and easy to hide that communication between burner accounts and a passcode protected phone or even an open phone with a hidden folder/secure folder to hide apps, photo's, and messages in.



happyhusband0005 said:


> Just talk to him for crying out loud. Many marriages fail due to lack of communication. You'll know in your gut if he's lying. Check the phone records of his porn phone.


Yeah, I'm going with OP should investigate quietly first. It's a very rare cheating spouse who admits it when asked with proof. Without proof the odds he'll just admit it are about zero.


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## Blondilocks

Unless his business card states "Have Sex Toys - Will Travel", I'm suspecting that ol' Paladin is being deceitful about something. 

We ought to take a poll of TAM guys and ask them how many drive around in their truck with a briefcase full of anal sex toys. I imagine we might get a show of 1-3(?) hands.


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## whatdoido38

Blondilocks said:


> Unless his business card states "Have Sex Toys - Will Travel", I'm suspecting that ol' Paladin is being deceitful about something.
> 
> We ought to take a poll of TAM guys and ask them how many drive around in their truck with a briefcase full of anal sex toys. I imagine we might get a show of 1-3(?) hands.


ZZZ


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## sokillme

Burner phone and sneaking sex toys is not a very good sign. I hope this is not what I think it is. Using your toys too is just beyond the pale if it is. Lay low, investigate. Don't tell him you know because he will just lie to you, if he is cheating. See if you can get that phone.


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## MJJEAN

Ok, I'm going to say it.

Guys have been known to jerk at work. Sometimes in the bathroom stall, sometimes at their desk, while driving, and pretty much anywhere they think they can relieve some tension without being caught.

Guys have also been known to use butt plugs and dildoes for anal stimulation.

These guys jerking at work are trying not to get caught, mind you, so they don't lose their jobs and/or get prosecuted for some form of indecent exposure. They aren't taking their pants off to gain access to their anus to use their favorite dildo while they do it. And if they're just using a butt plug for stimulation during the day they are inserting that plug in privacy and not taking along a whole freakin case of random toys.

I don't think anyone here believes he has a suitcase full of sex toys to use solo.


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## whatdoido38

ZZZ


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## SunCMars

Wash them, handily, roughly, spiffy clean.

Use deodorant-free soap.

A week or two later, sniff them.

If they smell like poo, that is such a vague clue.
A clue, it smelling dirty, maybe from his poop deck, maybe another man's, or a ladies, their def-ecator.

Yuck, who knows.

If they smell of a ladies dip wick, he is an off-fragrant, now a odd-flagrant cheater.


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## SunCMars

MJJEAN said:


> Ok, I'm going to say it.
> 
> Guys have been known to jerk at work. Sometimes in the bathroom stall, sometimes at their desk, while driving, and pretty much anywhere they think they can relieve some tension without being caught.
> 
> Guys have also been known to use butt plugs and dildoes for anal stimulation.
> 
> These guys jerking at work are trying not to get caught, mind you, so they don't lose their jobs and/or get prosecuted for some form of indecent exposure. They aren't taking their pants off to gain access to their anus to use their favorite dildo while they do it. And if they're just using a butt plug for stimulation during the day they are inserting that plug in privacy and not taking along a whole freakin case of random toys.
> 
> I don't think anyone here believes he has a suitcase full of sex toys to use solo.


You need to stop that peekin' !


----------



## Affaircare

If you aren’t a tech goddess yourself, I wrote an article several years back about “Low Tech Ways to Check If Your Spouse Is Cheating”

It’s not a new article but it’s some old-school, hands-on ways to investigate further.

At this point, I would recommend keeping an open mind and investigating further. Don’t jump to conclusions. Just follow the evidence. At this point he could be meeting up with other men...or he could be spanking at work (which is yucky, but not “illegal”). If you just ask him, and he is unfaithful, he’ll lie, blame-shift, gaslight, or rugsweep. Find out enough until you are convinced you know the truth, then decide what that means to you, then talk to him.


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## Mr. Nail

.


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## whatdoido38

Affaircare said:


> If you aren’t a tech goddess yourself, I wrote an article several years back about “Low Tech Ways to Check If Your Spouse Is Cheating”
> 
> It’s not a new article but it’s some old-school, hands-on ways to investigate further.
> 
> At this point, I would recommend keeping an open mind and investigating further. Don’t jump to conclusions. Just follow the evidence. At this point he could be meeting up with other men...or he could be spanking at work (which is yucky, but not “illegal”). If you just ask him, and he is unfaithful, he’ll lie, blame-shift, gaslight, or rugsweep. Find out enough until you are convinced you know the truth, then decide what that means to you, then talk to him.


ZZZZ


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## sokillme

whatdoido38 said:


> Will it do any good or help by hiring a PI?


If you can afford it. Sorry.


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## In Absentia

whatdoido38 said:


> grabbed the extra phone and told me to give him a few minutes and he would tell me.


What did he do with the phone? Did he stay in front of you or did he go in another room?


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## whatdoido38

zZZZ


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## sokillme

whatdoido38 said:


> Thank you. Sounds wise.
> I don't believe it's an affair with somebody in particular. I'm more inclined to believed that he is either jerking out himself somewhere or meeting different people the times he has physically gone to work. He has been working from home the past week so the times that he has gone out, we go together. I believe that when you are having an affair with somebody , you want to see that person often.


You might start by getting a GPS tracker and putting it in his car. See where he goes. (I hate that I have to write that)


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## jsmart

Maybe he’s very possessive over his sex toys. Were there handcuffs on the handle of the suitcase. This too weird. 









If he’s got a burner phone and he’s bringing his “tools” with him, then he most likely has a new playmate. It’s time to go James Bond on him.


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## In Absentia

whatdoido38 said:


> He put it inside the pocket of his sweatshirt and went to the backyard . I followed him without saying a word and he said to give him sometime that he would explain. I kept my distance, but close to him, then after a while he apologize and told me the story about jerking off to porn. I'm not the kind of women that goes thru anybody's phone, as a matter of fact when we are watching TV in bed, he goes to the restroom and leaves his phone open next to me. I have never touched that phone. If I have to do that, then the trust is broken and it cannot be repaired. I know myself very well and right now my trust is in danger zone.
> By the way, that phone is around. I just have not been able to find it.


ok... so, I guess he didn't manage to delete what he wanted to delete (probably hook-ups) because you were there. I don't really believe the porn story... sorry!


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## Blondilocks

Mr. Nail said:


> Well I'm not stupid enough to answer one of those again. But, I've got nothing here. I've got no reason to travel with toys. I have, at times of marital insecurity, kept a sleeping bag and hammock.
> 
> *OK here are my questions, (1)Why would a 50 ish gay man bother to get married?
> (2)Why would a 50 ish male philanderer get married?*
> 
> Yes something is up, something is wrong, and whatever it is isn't going to make sense.
> 
> On a practical note good quality silicone sex toys can be cleaned and sanitized in a dishwasher. I've never done it because, ewwwww. But I understand in the industry it is done. To me it's not the bacteria, it's the history. I can't imagine wanting the toys back after finding them there.
> 
> As to using them at work, aside from hiding,
> 
> 
> It's just not going to make sense.


(1)Question #1: For appearance. Or, he could be bi.
(2)Question #2: For the comforts of home and appearance.

OP, him saying to give him time to explain was him saying he needed to think up some story that he thought you would buy.


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## In Absentia

Blondilocks said:


> OP, him saying to give him time to explain was him saying he needed to think up some story that he thought you would buy.


yes, exactly... so lame...


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## think positive

I think I am uniquely qualified to put my 2 cents. My wife is not on board with anal play and I HAVE considered getting a bu%% plug for solo. That said it is possible that he may want to use that for solo activities. However, it would NOT explain having all the other stuff. Asking for time to explain tells me that he needed to think it through and/or delete stuff off of the phone. 

There are a number of reasons a bi or hetero cheater would want the comfort of marriage. Since this MY uncover some type of cheating i would post this in the forum for dealing with infidelity. Good resources there. 

What your intentions would be if you find out the he was cheating and the type? You need to think about how an anulment, or divorce may impact you $$ if you encounter worst case. 

Getting a pi or checking phone record and or the second phone itself is a good start. See if he has hook up apps installed etc. Though counterintuative there are laws against survailance, in some instances a felony. Get council, sound advice or be careful....


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## ccpowerslave

jsmart said:


> Maybe he’s very possessive over his sex toys. Were there handcuffs on the handle of the suitcase. This too weird.
> View attachment 74483
> 
> 
> 
> If he’s got a burner phone and he’s bringing his “tools” with him, then he most likely has a new playmate. It’s time to go James Bond on him.


James Bond-age? 🤔


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## whatdoido38

[QUZZZZ


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## SunCMars

What I am going to write is gross!

I would NEVER consider a buttplug.

It seems to me having that thing in there would stimulate a poop response. How is that pleasurable?

Sheesh!


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## CatholicDad

Any guy so in love with porn that he needs a “porn phone” so he never loses access- is a dirt bag in my opinion. This implies he needs his porn, everywhere. He’s having fantasy adulterous affairs already (via porn) and if he’s that much a horn dog I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s having physical affairs too. I mean, does he have even an ounce of self control?

Regarding the toys... of course this creep is taking them on business trips.

I’m sorry you’re going through this... at least you’re learning the truth... your marriage (and his devotion to you)- is a sham. So sad what porn turns men into.


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## Beach123

So where is the phone? Demand to see it - look through it!
You’ve given him time to delete all his evidence.
Bottom line - you can’t trust him to give you the truth - so I’d end it.


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## GC1234

MJJEAN said:


> So he has a burner phone for "porn" (because no one ever used incognito mode...) and a briefcase full of sex toys.


Hahah! And I thought that part was strange too.


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## SunCMars

The thing is...

While, these men make us shudder and laugh, some poor lady **has to live with their weird antics.

Readily available porn has made, many a man, a nouveau freak.

And, some ladies, insatiable.

**for some period of trying, crying time.


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## SunCMars

Sexual interplay was hatched in Heaven, made wretched in Hell.


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## whatdoido38

Beach123 said:


> So where is the phone? Demand to see it - look through it!
> You’ve given him time to delete all his evidence.
> Bottom line - you can’t trust him to give you the truth - so I’d end it.


I know him well and if I don't have proof. He is an expert, on finding the perfect excuse ( not that there is one for this). I've decided to hire a PI and see how it goes. So far I got pictures of what's in the "work" briefcase. I don't think there is a particular person but an array of escorts or whatever you want to call them (prostitutes, working woman, etc). There could be men as well. At this point, I don't know what to believe.


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## SunCMars

He may lay low for a while.

Or, lay higher than his lately normal.


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## EleGirl

whatdoido38 said:


> Incognito : honestly I really don't know to use incognito mode on my phone. His work phone is just for work. I'm pretty sure they are being monitored on those phones.
> Usage of toys: Oh no, I will not use them again.
> Mouth shut. Eyes open: so don't confront him yet? This is eating me alive. What should I do? Take pictures of what I've seen? Prepare to separate ?


You need to get an STD test. He might very well be using those toys one someone else. If he is, he's putting you at risk since those are the same toys the two of you use.


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## EleGirl

MJJEAN said:


> Yeah, I'm going with OP should investigate quietly first. It's a very rare cheating spouse who admits it when asked with proof. Without proof the odds he'll just admit it are about zero.


I agree on this. Asking him before having a lot of evidence will not work. Cheaters lie. Even if she has a lot of evidence he will most likely lie and try to get her to doubt her evidence. That's basically how it works with cheaters.


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## EleGirl

whatdoido38 said:


> Will it do any good or help by hiring a PI?


If she can afford a PI, yes it might help.


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## DownByTheRiver

He needs to come clean about how he's using those. He may only be using them on himself. If he was seeing hookers they would probably have their own. Of course he could have an affair going on the side. Why don't you just ask him if he likes to use those on himself. It might be that he would enjoy it if you use them on him.


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## Beach123

Any guy who hides that much important info from me - would see the door immediately.

Hiding things and being sneaky is just the same as blatant lying.

I wouldn’t be capable of ever trusting him.


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## aine

@whatdoido38 , sorry you are going through this in a relatively new marriage but it is better you find out. Good idea to hire the PI, in the meantime you could VAR his car, if he is hooking up it may well involve phone calls which you can record.


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## Beach123

Do you have a camera set up at home? It would be useful to understand what he is actually doing when you aren’t there watching him.


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## whatdoido38

EleGirl said:


> If she can afford a PI, yes it might help.


It did . Sadly it did .


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## Mr.Married

Blondilocks said:


> Unless his business card states "Have Sex Toys - Will Travel", I'm suspecting that ol' Paladin is being deceitful about something.
> 
> We ought to take a poll of TAM guys and ask them how many drive around in their truck with a briefcase full of anal sex toys. I imagine we might get a show of 1-3(?) hands.


Mine is a suitcase... not a briefcase

Those really big ones didn’t fit


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## Beach123

whatdoido38 said:


> It did . Sadly it did .


What does this mean? What did you find out?


----------



## Blondilocks

Mr.Married said:


> Mine is a suitcase... not a briefcase
> 
> Those really big ones didn’t fit


So many questions, so many smart (dumb) retorts - best to let it rest.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I was hoping the OP’s husband in his role as James Bond-age was masquerading as a salesman for the Universal Exports equivalent of sex toys.

Sadly that doesn’t seem to have been the case. Hopefully the OP will enlighten us.


----------



## whatdoido38

ccpowerslave said:


> I was hoping the OP’s husband in his role as James Bond-age was masquerading as a salesman for the Universal Exports equivalent of sex toys.
> 
> Sadly that doesn’t seem to have been the case. Hopefully the OP will enlighten us.


I'm sorry but what is OP?


----------



## Mr.Married

whatdoido38 said:


> I'm sorry but what is OP?


That’s you.... your the OP of this thread. You started it (this thread)


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## Affaircare

OP = Original Poster (that would be YOU!) 

In reference to an affair, OP can also mean "Other Person" (like OM=Other Man or OW=Other Woman) especially if talking about affairs "in general" and not a specific person's adultery.


----------



## SunCMars

whatdoido38 said:


> It did . Sadly it did .


Is there more to the story?
What has the private investigator found so far?


----------



## Beach123

SunCMars said:


> Is there more to the story?
> What has the private investigator found so far?


Apparently she doesn’t want to tell us what she found out.


----------



## whatdoido38

Beach123 said:


> Apparently she doesn’t want to tell us what she found out.


Kind of. It's not pretty and I'm trying to find ways on what to do/how to handle this..
*This is not easy to post.*
In few words. Guided by PI, I installed a tracker in his car. PI followed him two days ago, as he was heading to his office. He has been working from home the last couple of weeks, not going to the "OFFICE". Two days ago he decided to go to the office. He did go to the office (PI was parked there for a couple of hours). PI texted me every few minutes that he was still at the office). Then after 1 pm he went "to get something we needed for our house, per text to me). PI followed him . At around 2 pm PI calls me. He went into a sex shop that has booths (I'm very naive in these things. Never been to a sex shop) PI also walked into the sex shop. He stands in front of a booth that has a slightly open door, takes his penis out and starts to play. Another man enters the booth and he follows the man. Close door and 10 min later he comes out. PI sent me pictures of the car parked in front of the shop. No pictures were taken inside.
Now I know what I have suspected. I'm acting at home like I don't know anything (it's not easy), being the sweet caring wife. I told the PI I need a next time, because wherever he goes I want to be there, outside his car for him to watch me when he walks out of that place. I want him to know that I now know and to not find a way to have an excuse on why he is there. Again, he is an expert on finding a way to get away with his wrongdoings.
Besides all this mess, he loves me dearly; not because he tells me but because he shows me. Now, do I have a huge problem in my hands? Yes I do. 
I have a lot of *??? *on my mind 24/7.
What do I do? Do I divorce? If I confront him, his secret life is not secret anymore, he might go into a rage. I don't know. He might admit it and promise to stop (PI say that this doesn't happen; they just go underground). 

*PI Recommendations and questions:*
Are you ok with him having this "flings" with men? I said: NO!
Be careful with your health.
Before confronting him, get the tracker out of his car.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Time to leave this bo sexual guy. He's committed infidelity plus married you under false pretenses.


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## ccpowerslave

Sorry to hear that.

If I found this out and had the evidence I’d be calling the best divorce attorney in town without delay.


----------



## whatdoido38

ccpowerslave said:


> Sorry to hear that.
> 
> If I found this out and had the evidence I’d be calling the best divorce attorney in town without delay.


I'm sorry, I've never been vindictive. I cannot do that to anybody. If I decide to leave/divorce, I will try to seek an annulment but I will ask him to at least pay for it. I don't want any money from him nor any financial support. I rather have peace of mind,


----------



## pastasauce79

whatdoido38 said:


> he loves me dearly; not because he tells me but because he shows me.


By him going in the booth he's "showing" you how much he loves you. Don't be blind. He loves his double life and his d*ck more than you.

Get yourself tested for STDs ASAP. Get a lawyer and divorce the lying bisexual pig.


----------



## Openminded

He may love you but that other life is a significant part of who he is. It may be “just sex” but it’s important to him. If you stay, you’ll never trust him and your health will be potentially at risk.


----------



## whatdoido38

Openminded said:


> He may love you but that other life is a significant part of who he is. It may be “just sex” but it’s important to him. If you stay, you’ll never trust him and your health will be potentially at risk.


The trust is gone. I cannot trust anything he says or do. I'm just trying to organize my ideas on how do I confront this and where to go. Do I go see a lawyer before talking to him? Talk to a lawyer for guidance. Like I said: I don't want anything from him. Maybe for him to pay for the PI at least.


----------



## Blondilocks

Tell him you need x amount of money to pay a bill. When he asks what the bill is, tell him it is for the PI who you hired to follow him. No need to confront. Then file for divorce. This isn't a criminal case - you don't need irrefutable proof.


----------



## pastasauce79

Blondilocks said:


> Tell him you need x amount of money to pay a bill. When he asks what the bill is, tell him it is for the PI who you hired to follow him. No need to confront. Then file for divorce. This isn't a criminal case - you don't need irrefutable proof.


Great idea! 

I would love to be a fly on the wall and see his face when sh*t hits the fan!


----------



## manowar

whatdoido38 said:


> We've been married for 2 months. Dating and living together for 3 years.


Husband prefers other dudes. This is where his head is at and what drives him. I didn't see that coming. A huge misrepresentation. that's a deal-breaker. He's going to the equivalent of a bathhouse. that's nasty. Just get out of there. You deserve better. Congratulations on finding out. RUN.........Fast.........

See a lawyer. Get an uncontested divorce. Tell him to pay for your new apartment for one year. Husband is a huge fraud.


Feel bad for you.


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## manowar

pastasauce79 said:


> Get yourself tested for STDs ASAP


Please do this. Hubby is garbage.


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## Mr.Married

I’ve seen a lot of stories around this place and I’m not a man of much empathy but I SINCERELY feel sorry for you and the position you find yourself in. I know your head is a terrible mess but this is betrayed on the highest level.


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## Beach123

Oh man, if I found out my husband had been misrepresenting himself by lying to me and being sneaky - I’d divorce him right away.

I’d rent a place and move. I’d leave a letter behind explaining that I know all about his lies and pretending to love me.

I wouldn’t stay one more day.

The other option is packing a bag for HIM to leave! Which is a better idea. He ends up inconvenienced - since he is the one who betrayed you. It just depends if you think he will actually leave. If he won’t - let him know you will send an email to everyone he knows exposing him for what he’s done to you.

There’s no respect. No trust. He’s completely disregarded you and put you at risk! Get him out of your life ASAP.


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## moulinyx

Update? Have you initiated a conversation?


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## think positive

Get the tracker out of the car. I believe the PI told you that because it may be illegal. 

Consider getting a report from the PI, showing what he saw and the fact that he was hired because of the toys you find.

He may love you but, as others have pointed out he loves his Di$% and his lifestyle more. He put you in harms way even if he used a condom.

Once he knows he is toast he will:


Assure you that he loves you and he will stop (he won’t)
He will try likely to spin it and Vilify you.
Once he realizes you will not take him back he will likely do anything to protect his image.
I would talk to a lawyer before anything. I know you want to catch him red handed but, you essentially did. You can have the same effect by showing him the report to see his face. 

Laws are sometimes counterintuitive. I once thought my tenant had moved out (since they had not returned a month worth of calls), their stuff was largely moved out and the neighbors thought she had moved. I crawled through a window to get in. 15 minutes later cops showed up and told me without documentation proving what had happened the tenant could have me arrested for breaking and entering. Despite what had happened.


This is not about you, you did nothing wrong. It sucks but, don’t get sucked in to more drama. You should want and deserve immediate closure so you can heal.


God Bless you!


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## whatdoido38

think positive said:


> Get the tracker out of the car. I believe the PI told you that because it may be illegal.
> 
> Consider getting a report from the PI, showing what he saw and the fact that he was hired because of the toys you find.
> 
> He may love you but, as others have pointed out he loves his Di$% and his lifestyle more. He put you in harms way even if he used a condom.
> 
> Once he knows he is toast he will:
> 
> 
> Assure you that he loves you and he will stop (he won’t)
> He will try likely to spin it and Vilify you.
> Once he realizes you will not take him back he will likely do anything to protect his image.
> I would talk to a lawyer before anything. I know you want to catch him red handed but, you essentially did. You can have the same effect by showing him the report to see his face.
> 
> Laws are sometimes counterintuitive. I once thought my tenant had moved out (since they had not returned a month worth of calls), their stuff was largely moved out and the neighbors thought she had moved. I crawled through a window to get in. 15 minutes later cops showed up and told me without documentation proving what had happened the tenant could have me arrested for breaking and entering. Despite what had happened.
> 
> 
> This is not about you, you did nothing wrong. It sucks but, don’t get sucked in to more drama. You should want and deserve immediate closure so you can heal.
> 
> 
> God Bless you!


Get the tracker out of the car. Tracker is out. The tracker was given to me by the PI so that he could be followed better.
He put you in harms way even if he used a condom. I saw my Dr for a thorough exam. Came out negative for any STD.

He will try likely to spin it and Vilify you. I know. Have done it with other issues.
Once he realizes you will not take him back he will likely do anything to protect his image. He knows me well. I will not harm his image at all. Once friends start asking, he will have to come with a good explanation. Nothing is coming out of my mouth.
You can have the same effect by showing him the report to see his face. I have pictures of his car parked in front of the "shop" + what the PI saw.

Thank you


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## whatdoido38

pastasauce79 said:


> Get yourself tested for STDs ASAP. Get a lawyer and divorce the lying bisexual pig.


Got tested. Came out negative for any STD


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## pastasauce79

whatdoido38 said:


> Got tested. Came out negative for any STD


Did you confront him?


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## manowar

You are handling this well. Good to hear the std test was negative. Time to say adios...


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## whatdoido38

manowar said:


> You are handling this well. Good to hear the std test was negative. Time to say adios...


Thanks. Step by step. It's a hard spot to be on. Even PI told me : I don't know how you can handle this.


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## DownByTheRiver

You need to go get your attorney before you even confront your husband about this because the attorney may have some steps he wants you to take to try to make sure that the finances don't get finagled with once he finds out. So you may have a few things you need to do first but go see a family law attorney and get his advice on how to prepare. 
Another poster was absolutely correct that you do not need to have any kind of proof of anything to get a divorce. It doesn't really count in the divorce. You won't do any better just because he cheated in the divorce settlement either.


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## think positive

infidelity, inmost states won't improve your divorce settlement unless you have conclusive evidence which you seem to lack. 

You can insinuate keeping what you know private if he cooperates with u. Stating this is bribery. 

I wish I could help more.


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## nekonamida

whatdoido38 said:


> He knows me well. I will not harm his image at all. Once friends start asking, he will have to come with a good explanation. Nothing is coming out of my mouth.


Good. That gives him plenty of time to spin a tall tale about how he caught you with another man and had to divorce you. Or to come up with some other ridiculous reason as to why you are entirely at fault. And he knows you won't bother to go around combating his narrative either.

If you don't have any mutual friends, I suppose you don't have any reason to care but I highly recommend you DON'T take a passive approach to any friends you want to keep. I cannot tell you the number of times we see a BS distraught and unhappy when their friend and family turn against them because the WS got to them first and lied. You don't want that to be you. Stand up for yourself.


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## whatdoido38

ZZZ


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## pastasauce79

whatdoido38 said:


> Not that easy. Yes, we have a lot of mutual friends. He either tells them the truth or invent that he is at fault somehow. I will not harm his image but I ain't dumb either. See, I found out he's been doing this even before we met. How? He was so reckless that he recorded those adventures (hard to watch, by the way) and I found those videos while organizing the house. I don't even know if he remembers that he had those videos "hidden". I have ALL the videos with me.


What are you doing about it? Are you divorcing him?


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