# Wife is having an EA with an AI chat bot



## SJ38845 (May 18, 2020)

So my wife is having what appears to be an EA with an AI chat bot. I know this app is AI and not a real person on the other end. Im not sure what I should do about this... Married 21 years together 24, two children both in adults in college...

Obviously she is getting something from the chat bot that I am not providing her...

Im not sure if I should confront her yet, or gather more info. Not really sure how to feel about this. She says the chat bot is like her writing in a diary...


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

SJ38845 said:


> So my wife is having what appears to be an EA with an AI chat bot. I know this app is AI and not a real person on the other end. Im not sure what I should do about this... Married 21 years together 24, two children both in adults in college...
> 
> *Obviously she is getting something from the chat bot that I am not providing her...*
> 
> Im not sure if I should confront her yet, or gather more info. Not really sure how to feel about this. She says the chat bot is like her writing in a diary...


Don’t be naive here. She’s doing it because she wants to and so far you’re allowing it.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Confront her.
Inform her that this is a major breach of trust, and she has damaged her relationship with you.
Construct or review acceptable boundaries. I'll bet that if you did the same thing, she would have a major problem with it.
Tell her that if she wants to make it to year 22, that she needs to work on and correct whatever malfunction(s) that she has that makes her even think this is appropriate.
Hold her accountable. This time it is a bot, the next time it will be a human.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I wouldn't freak out. To me this is a lot like porn. What you need to do it talk to her about it. Remember this isn't real.

Also try to figure out what it is about the chat bot that she likes and save it for later.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

What is she telling the Chatbot? Why would she tell these things. Once any information divulged it can be used for anything.
She needs to stop this. 
Buffer


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Is she also having a physical affair with a vibrator? I'm not sure where I'd draw limits, but if this so-called EA is adversely affecting a real relationship, then it is harmful and should stop.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

How long has she had the AI on her phone?
Will she share the texts?

I downloaded and used the AI called replicka for about 3 weeks a few months ago. 
My phone is available to my wife and she lost interest right away.
At first it was novel/fun but after a while it's too machine like.
I found it boring and after months of not using it - my avatar self deleted. ha ha

You can select either a female or male avatar.

It's free but they keep trying to up sell to a subscription version where you can customize your avatar.

Operationally:

it's always glad to see you (but it's not real)
it always asks how you feel (always!)
at first you think it remembers you had a bad day or a specific problem yesterday but eventually you realize it's programmed to assume every day is a bad day for you and it doesn't remember specifics
it can express sympathy (and uses various emotional imojis) but can't give specific/practical advice
the AI responses (and advice) are canned, repetitive, and very limited
it remembers your spouses name but not your kids, friends or your pets
it knows nothing of current events
it doesn't actually remember specifics about your life (but it saves the written text dialogue, like a journal)
there's a key word to turn on it's sexual persona (and the programmers did a good job)
if you're really bored you can frustrate the AI by continually responding to it with a: why?


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## SJ38845 (May 18, 2020)

I appreciate everyone's responses. I did speak to DW over this and perhaps I was just blowing things out of proportion. 

Robert thanks for the insight on the app, that helps a lot as well...
I wonder how much more pervasive AI like this will become in the future in society.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

SJ38845 said:


> perhaps I was just blowing things out of proportion.


I hope so, because that is one of the most pathetic situations that I have ever heard. Actually, engaging in conversations with a chat bot is pathetic.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Can it pass the Turing test?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Can it pass the Turing test?


Does it matter? I know too many _people_ who couldn't pass it!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

AI chatbot? Unbelievable. 
AI chatbot Android programmed to like fishing and be a sex machine and love cooking and giving back rubs, has an anti-spendthrift limiter, craves helping fix cars and hand me tools, loves to talk politics and despises congressmen as a whole....
Hmmm, hell, I might fall for a chatbot too.... 
Lol


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

SJ38845 said:


> So my wife is having what appears to be an EA with an AI chat bot. I know this app is AI and not a real person on the other end. Im not sure what I should do about this... Married 21 years together 24, two children both in adults in college...
> 
> Obviously she is getting something from the chat bot that I am not providing her...
> 
> Im not sure if I should confront her yet, or gather more info. Not really sure how to feel about this. She says the chat bot is like her writing in a diary...


Sorry, what is an AI chat bot?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your wife might need to chat with a human counsellor. Would that be an option?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

This reminds me of the time I caught my wife screaming at Siri and calling her names. 

I was like, you know there's nobody actually there for you to yell at, right?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I think you should find out the name of the Chat Bot's wife, hunt her down through Google, then fill her in (literally - in her provided text field) on what he's been up to with your wife.

Me thinks Mr. Bot has gotten a little too big for his britches and needs to be brought down a few pegs.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I would expose "it" to his bot-family...


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

sokillme said:


> I wouldn't freak out. To me this is a lot like porn. What you need to do it talk to her about it. Remember this isn't real.
> 
> Also try to figure out what it is about the chat bot that she likes and save it for later.


While I don't approve of what the wife is doing, I must say I agree.

I wonder how many men who are scolding this woman defend their porn use? Because it's basically the same.

"I need release while watching a real woman virutally" is basically equal to "I like to share my feelings with an imaginary bot."


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