# I’m so tired of fighting about the same old thing.



## Bthood2002 (10 mo ago)

I’m so sick of fighting with my wife about the same thing over and over again. 
My in-laws have repeatedly made it clear over and over again that they do not like me or want me around them. I’m 12 years older than my wife and I think this is where it all started. There are numerous other times that they have been openly disrespectful and hostile to me. These are just a few that stand out in my mind. 

When I first met them they immediately disrespected me. While I was in the room in Their presence, my future mother in law stated that she couldn’t believe that her daughter was going to marry such a chill, laid back person like me. She further stated that she would be happier with someone who was more energetic than a man this old. Out of respect for my wife and her family, I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say a thing. My wife didn’t say anything to her mom, she kept her not shut. 

After my wife and I married, we began discussing the possibility of her having a baby. When my wife told them at a family dinner that we were going to try to have a baby , My in-laws looked me in the eye me scolded me. They stated “how selfish I was” to want her to have a baby because it was dangerous for her to be pregnant (she had mild complications from a previous pregnancy and I guess they were scared). They tried their best to “blame me” for wanting a child with the woman that I love. Furthermore, this was a decision that we jointly made. Once again, my wife nor I said anything in return. I guess we were both trying to respect and keep it “low keyed”. 

A few years later, my wife and I had a very minor disagreement and she cried (my wife is incredibly emotional- she cried while reading silly stories). My mother in law was standing there while my wife and I were discussing the issue. My 4 year daughter was also standing next to her. My wife walked away and my mother in law looked me right in the eyes in front of my daughter and called me an “asshole” without knowing anything about the circumstances of why my wife and I were disagreeing. Once again, I let it go and walked away without being confrontational with her. Of course my wife never corrected my mother in law or said anything to her. 

My oldest son (I adopted both of her children from a previous marriage because their dad abandoned them and I thought they needed stability and a person that loves them). On say he was being a typical disrespectful teen age boy. He had been disrespectful for months to his mom. I tried to step in a help her by taking an active role in dealing with him. I tried for a few weeks to take the burden from her and keep him happy while he Dealt with the being a rebellious teenager. After giving him almost everything he asked for and him yelling at me in the yard I yelled back at him and he and I had a pretty nasty verbal conversation in our front yard. I have him a punishment)I took his phone and computer privileges away from him. His way of circumventing my punishment was to go to grandma’s and use her computer/ internet. I sent her a message informing her of how disrespectful he had been to both me and his mom. This was a huge mistake on my part. My mother in law totally went off on me telling me what a bad father I was (I might be a lot of things but a bad or unloving dad is something that I’m not- I take my role as a dad very seriously) and how I should “treasure my son and not be so mean to him”. She further informed me that he was welcome to use her internet or anything else from her (she’s very close to my son and I guess she felt that she was sheltering him from me). This response from her cut me to the bone. Guess what? Once again, my wife didn’t say anything to her mom on my behalf. The strangest thing about the entire issue is that my entire family including my son that I had the issue with disagreed with my mother in law about me being a bad dad. We made up a few days later and his punishment did stick at my house. Of course he did run to grandmas house as often as possible. 

We had a hurricane. All Of the power in our area was out. My in-laws had two generators and a spare house that was close by to go to. My wife asked them that since they were only using g the generators to run the refrigerator and freezer (they were staying at their spare house and did t really need the larger generator) to loan us the larger generator (we had 7 people In our home including their own daughter and three grandchildren and my brother, was deathly sick). My in-laws said no.

Ive tried to stay away from her and them as much as possible. My brother died two days before Thanksgiving. After a ton of persuasion from my wife to with her to her family’s house for dinner I decided that I didn’t want to be alone so I accompanied her to my in-laws. There was a TON of food everywhere. As I was standing in line and pretty numb from my brothers passing, my father in law looked at me and stated “now don’t take all of the roast, there not enough to go around no there other people here that need to eat too” ( I’ve had gastric bypass and I can’t eat more than a few bites without puking so this was an incredibly off statement and very Un true). I was so stunned that I took a small portion of the food that I was certain that my wife made and say at the table with them and finished my few bite s of food and left. Later I told my wife what he had said and her only response was to gently ask her mom to ask her dad to back off me (honestly it was the first time that she had ever said anything to anyone about how disrespectful they had been to me- it shocked me!). 

My youngest children do not want to go around my in-laws as they have stated multiple times , “dad, we don’t want to go over there with them because they are so mean to you!” I have tried several times to encourage them to see their grandparents regardless of how the in-laws have treated me. This has caused a major split between my wife and I. 

I am tired of my wife not standing up for me. I feel very un appreciated by her. I feel
That if it came to us moving (is we live next door to them) she and I would divorce over this issue. She claims to “have my back in all matters” but rarely says anything to them when they are being hostile. Not only has this issue caused hard feelings between my wife and I it’s also caused hard feelings between my children and my wife. 
We tried counseling. The counselor said a few things that my wife didn’t like (he said the same things that I’ve said- the biggest one is moving to a different house) and she got mad and stopped counseling. We are so close to divorcing over this issue. I’m so torn. I love her and o love my family. However, I deserve respect. I give respect and hardly ever get it in return. As much as I love my wife I can honestly say that o have VERY little trust in her and her commitment to our marriage. Frankly , I trust her to be celibate to me and I’m certain that she is. She simply won’t “cut the apron strings” and stand up for me EVER. I’m so lost. I want to stay away from The in-laws as much as possible and I do. However, she continues to insist that I accompany her to her parents home especially on Holidays. I have tried to forgive these people as much as I can but forgiveness only goes so far. Each and ever day, it seems like I am thrusted in their path. Ever time I try to talking to my wife about his she always defends them and totally “blows me off”. 
I’m so lost. I love my family but totally hate my life. I don’t know any to divorce her but I want some peace in my life. I’ve prayed about it and keep praying for relief. I just don’t know what to do.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Just divorce her.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You must move away. I know people who moved away from toxic in-laws and they were so much happier. 
Living next door is crazy. 

Tell her that unless you both agree to move away then the marriage is over.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

To be honest I agree with your in-laws.
You don’t know how to manage a family.

Try earning respect, not demanding it.
But never mind that now, your marriage is almost over and you let it get here.

You should have handled the in-law problem at the start.
You shouldn’t live right next door to enemies of the marriage.
You should have done a lot of things differently from the sound of it. And I don’t mean those examples you gave, those are just symptoms of the problem.

And now you’ve let other people aggravate problems to the point of your wife will leave you if you try to fix it.

Draw the lines in the sand, stand up and be a man, defend and protect your marriage. You wife will likely leave you because it’s too late, but it’s the only thing left to do that might save your marriage. Otherwise it’s over anyway.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> To be honest I agree with your in-laws.
> You don’t know how to manage a family.
> 
> Try earning respect, not demanding it.
> ...


That is exactly what the OP should be doing.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

just do not go to any family events.
and discourage your wife from going.
life is too short to put up with that sort of bull.

you can get your revenge when they are older, and need help from you, and you can remind them how THEY made you hate them.


----------



## Bthood2002 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> To be honest I agree with your in-laws.
> You don’t know how to manage a family.
> 
> Try earning respect, not demanding it.
> ...


----------



## Bthood2002 (10 mo ago)

You don’t know what your talking about because you don’t know the whole story. It would take me hours worth of writing to left you know my personality. I have never ever demanded respect. I have always approached any situation with the attitude that you get what you give as far as respect. I was a successful teacher for 25 years and never had any issues with respect from my fellow teacher or my students.
i was a special education teacher and taught student with sever and profound disabilities. I was always highly regarded from my parents as an extremely patient person. I am also very active in my local church and frequently interact with other members. Since I am 56 , I think that by now if I were a controlling person, someone would have expressed that thought to me.
Therefore, I can’t imagine why you would say that I deserve their disrespectful attitude towards me. The only mistake that I can see that I have possibly made might be the fact that I have kept my mouth shut any interest of peace. I probably should’ve spoke up in the first place and said something but in order to keep the peace I thought that if I kept my mouth shut perhaps it would die down and go away and not bother me anymore. I will probably admit that some of the things you say may be correct. However since you do not know the whole story, and in all fairness there’s two sides to every story, I don’t think it’s fair that you comment that you agree with the in-laws.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Yep, it takes a real maroon to live next door to inlaws who are assholes. Return the little princess to her rightful owners and concentrate on taking care of your children.


----------



## Bthood2002 (10 mo ago)

Bthood2002 said:


> You don’t know what your talking about because you don’t know the whole story. It would take me hours worth of writing to left you know my personality. I have never ever demanded respect. I have always approached any situation with the attitude that you get what you give as far as respect. I was a successful teacher for 25 years and never had any issues with respect from my fellow teacher or my students.
> i was a special education teacher and taught student with sever and profound disabilities. I was always highly regarded from my parents as an extremely patient person. I am also very active in my local church and frequently interact with other members. Since I am 56 , I think that by now if I were a controlling person, someone would have expressed that thought to me.
> Therefore, I can’t imagine why you would say that I deserve their disrespectful attitude towards me. The only mistake that I can see that I have possibly made might be the fact that I have kept my mouth shut any interest of peace. I probably should’ve spoke up in the first place and said something but in order to keep the peace I thought that if I kept my mouth shut perhaps it would die down and go away and not bother me anymore. I will probably admit that some of the things you say may be correct. However since you do not know the whole story, and in all fairness there’s two sides to every story, I don’t think it’s fair that you comment that you agree with the in-laws. As far as managing my family goes, I think that I’ve done a pretty good job. All 5 of my children refer to me and what I’ve done for and with them as their best memories of their childhood. Maybe keeping my mouth shut wasn’t my best management choice but I think that I’ve managed my family perfectly. Other than the in-laws there are absolutely no problems of any sort between my wife and I.


----------



## Bthood2002 (10 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> just do not go to any family events.
> and discourage your wife from going.
> life is too short to put up with that sort of bull.
> 
> you can get your revenge when they are older, and need help from you, and you can remind them how THEY made you hate them.


I’ve tried not going. Each time I do, my wife come to me crying and I give in.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Bthood2002 said:


> You don’t know what your talking about because you don’t know the whole story. It would take me hours worth of writing to left you know my personality. I have never ever demanded respect. I have always approached any situation with the attitude that you get what you give as far as respect. I was a successful teacher for 25 years and never had any issues with respect from my fellow teacher or my students.
> i was a special education teacher and taught student with sever and profound disabilities. I was always highly regarded from my parents as an extremely patient person. I am also very active in my local church and frequently interact with other members. Since I am 56 , I think that by now if I were a controlling person, someone would have expressed that thought to me.
> Therefore, I can’t imagine why you would say that I deserve their disrespectful attitude towards me. The only mistake that I can see that I have possibly made might be the fact that I have kept my mouth shut any interest of peace. I probably should’ve spoke up in the first place and said something but in order to keep the peace I thought that if I kept my mouth shut perhaps it would die down and go away and not bother me anymore. I will probably admit that some of the things you say may be correct. However since you do not know the whole story, and in all fairness there’s two sides to every story, I don’t think it’s fair that you comment that you agree with the in-laws.


Fair enough, it sounds like you’re pretty confident about who you are. So…how’s it working out? If you like who you are then make sure you never take responsibility for the things that happen to you and fight everyone who thinks differently. That’s the way to fix your life for sure.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Bthood2002 said:


> I’ve tried not going. Each time I do, my wife come to me crying and I give in.


You don't see a problem with this?


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Bthood2002 said:


> I’ve tried not going. Each time I do, my wife come to me crying and I give in.


let her cry!
if the family sees her at events and you are not there, they will get a pretty strong F.U. message from that


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Your wife is choosing her parents over you, it is simple as that. Nothing will ever change unless you make it change. You need to lead your family. Guaranteed it will never change so long as you live next to you in-laws. That should be priority one, get some physical distance between you and the in-laws. If I'm being honest though, I think your marriage is doomed to fail. It doesn't sound like your wife will ever fully choose you over her parents. 

How did they treat her Ex? Did he bail out for the same issues?


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I find in life that there are some people who just flat out don't like you. You may or may not have done anything to get that kind of treatment.

But from reading your responses, I think you need to be more assertive in dealing with them. Everytime they start on you, act as if you didn't hear them. Say things like sorry, I wasn't listening. Or is that so? I am sorry you feel like that. Or you'll be alright


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

She’s kind of old to still be so needy and clingy to her parents. I’d have drawn a line a loooong time ago. Time to find your spine and put a stop to this.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I find in life that there are some people who just flat out don't like you. You may or may not have done anything to get that kind of treatment.
> 
> But from reading your responses, I think you need to be more assertive in dealing with them. Everytime they start on you, act as if you didn't hear them. Say things like sorry, I wasn't listening. Or is that so? I am sorry you feel like that. Or you'll be alright


Sorry what? I wasn't listening.
I tried not to ...really.


Honestly though I am not a fan of passive aggressive.
Tell mommy and daddy or whoever to get lost (respectfully of course). Your life, your rules, your wife (or maybe not for much longer?).

OP You can write 50 pages of why excuses reasons why you shouldn't be treated the way you are.
In the end ... this is your life. And look where you are.

As others have said and I agree:
Stop messing around and worrying about what everybody (except your wife) thinks about you.
Cut off the toxic M/DIL, move away, whatever it takes.
Protect and defend your marriage and love your wife if she is still with you by then.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I find in life that there are some people who just flat out don't like you. You may or may not have done anything to get that kind of treatment.
> 
> But from reading your responses, I think you need to be more assertive in dealing with them. Everytime they start on you, act as if you didn't hear them. Say things like sorry, I wasn't listening. Or is that so? I am sorry you feel like that. Or you'll be alright


i have met people like that. especially at work/in my career.
i have done pretty well by just IGNORING them, slicing them out of my life.
I still have some jerks from the '70's, that i could not get along with, see them at trade shows still and they STILL HAVE SOME SORT OF A GRUDGE. 
F them if they can't take a joke.

if i were you, i would NOT set foot in those inlaw's houses ever again. Let them beg you go come with prolific appologies, or no dice.


----------



## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> i have met people like that. especially at work/in my career.
> i have done pretty well by just IGNORING them, slicing them out of my life.
> I still have some jerks from the '70's, that i could not get along with, see them at trade shows still and they STILL HAVE SOME SORT OF A GRUDGE.
> F them if they can't take a joke.
> ...


Sounds like your strategy is really working for you. 50 years later and nothing has changed. You're still dealing with disrespect and nobody is coming begging for your approval.

If I was in this guys shoes, the next snippy comment her father made, I'd take him aside and politely explain to him that I'm with his daughter, I'm not going anywhere and he's going to have to get used to it. And that I'd love to have a cordial, respectful relationship with him but from now on every snippy comment and undermining behavior is going to be returned in full. And then I'd go back and take as much roast as I wanted.

Expecting your wife to protect you when you won't even stand up for yourself as a man, good luck with that.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Bthood2002 said:


> It would take me hours worth of writing to left you know my personality.


FFS dude: No it wouldn't take hours worth of writing about your personality for anyone to know and understand just in the above sentence that you are nothing but a pushover, a weak dude that lacks self respect and dignity. Let me tell you just in case that your brain can comprehend. You said: 




Bthood2002 said:


> My in-laws have repeatedly made it clear over and over again that they do not like me or want me around them.


A man that have self respect and dignity, wouldn't put up with the disrespect that you pathetically have been putting up with your in-laws. You claim to deserve respect, but how can you get respect when you don't even respect yourself. You've become a prisoner of your fears, indecisiveness, passiveness, that have made you be nothing but a punching bag to your in-laws. They know that they can disrespect you right in your face without any consequences; by now they don't even give a **** if you get pissy, because that's all you actually do. You sound like a broken record, over, and over, the same issue, but you take no actions other than to ***** and whine about it.

A man that have self-respect and dignity could of had let the first time of disrespect pass out of politeness, but after that he would had put the in-laws in their place and never allow them to disrespect them again. For crying out loud dude, you own children are telling you to stop going to assholes home, and you pathetically as always, keep bending over to get kick in your ass by your asshole in-laws. No wonder why your wife does not have your back, how can she? she sees no issue because even herself have not respect for you. She would kick you out her life the moment you try to get her away from her dear parents. You dude have not respect for yourself, regardless of whatever excuses that you've been giving to yourself and try to pass on the a bunch of strangers in the internet. 

What you actually need to do is grab your balls from wherever is it that you hang them long time ago and act like a man. Take the bull by the horns and do what you need to do to place everyone in their place, and show them that they can't mess with you.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

In days of yore it was standard practice for men to go to the lady’s family and ask for their blessings to marry or even court the daughter. 

While this has fallen out of favor and considered archaic and an act against people’s own agency,, it is in fact a practice that has some very real-world benefit and nuts and bolts practicalities. 

If someone’s family does not like you or has an issue with you, they can make your life miserable and greatly undermine the foundations of a marriage. 

Familial acceptance and support is very to a marriage and a lack there of can really harm the underpinnings of a relationship.


----------



## Scrooge (Dec 28, 2021)

Everybody Loves Raymond? Debra vs Marie? 

No wisdom to share in here, but it is sad to hear that both your wife and yourself aren't able to protect your own family from external elements.

Your situation isn't simple, perhaps relocating (As far as you can from the in laws?) might help, like some have suggested.


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

A few thoughts.

I wonder if her ex abandoned her or just hit the eject button because he didn't want to deal with these in-laws and his wife who wouldn't cut the chord with them. Any way of tracking him down?

Can you please explain how in the world you wound up making the decision to live RIGHT NEXT DOOR to these in-laws, who you KNEW didn't like you from the VERY BEGINNING??

Can you then please explain why in the world you have CHOSEN to remain living next to them after the countless times they've disrespected you?

This is SO messed up that even your kids see how much they disrespect you and they don't want to be around them.

With that said, how in the world can you have a problem with your wife not standing up for you to them when YOU won't even stand up for yourself??

A grown @$$ man knows who and what he is, and he [email protected] sure isn't going to let ANYBODY disrespect him in front of his wife or his kids and it does NOT matter if it's his wife's parents or his kids grandparents.

You want to know what I would have done. Well first there's NO WAY I would have ever found myself living next door to these people or even 30 minutes from them. First lesson KEEP TOXIC people as far away as possible even if it's family.

I would have put your house up for sale immediately and your wife has two choices. Move with you or end of marriage!! NOT UP FOR DEBATE!!

Please take this as constructive criticism. You say you don't want to go over to their home for family events (and who in their right mind would), but all your wife has to do is start crying and you give in???

This isn't love it's called manipulation and your wife is EXTREMELY good at this. So much so you have no idea what she's told her parents about you but I regress because it doesn't matter.

How about looking your wife in the eyes and saying, "NO....NOT going....and it's NOT up for debate".

Also, what parent would want his kids seeing all of this toxicity?? I wouldn't want my kids over there and one way of minimizing this is moving. TO ANOTHER CITY!!

You keep saying, "I'm lost...I'm so lost....I don't know what to do"??

Dude, first quit whining like a little b!tch.

I know that's tough to hear but that's what you're doing. You're in this nightmare because you NEVER learned to say "NO" and to stand up for yourself and your wife, your kids, and your in-laws KNOW this and your in-laws prey on this!!

So first step is before you put this on your wife, grab the bull by the horns, and TELL HER what you have decided to do and that's move.

DO.NOT.ASK.HER.TELL.HER!!!

She either gets with the program or your next step is to see an attorney.

I'd also never spend another minute with these in-laws. They are no longer welcome in your home at any time. Your wife wants to see them she can go see them.

What you're doing OBVIOUSLY is NOT working for you. Time to stand up for yourself!!


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

sideways said:


> She either gets with the program or your next step is to see an attorney.


And if I were him, I would have the divorce papers ready with me the day I would give her the ultimatum. She says no, then I would give her the papers right then and there. Her reaction will tell him where he stands with her. But of course, we know that OP wouldn't do it. I don't think he has the balls to do that. But yeah, we don't know about his personality, right?


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> And if I were him, I would have the divorce papers ready with me the day I would give her the ultimatum. She says no, then I would give her the papers right then and there. Her reaction will tell him where he stands with her. But of course, we know that OP wouldn't do it. I don't think he has the balls to do that. But yeah, we don't know about his personality, right?


I might not go that far if it were me. Unless there was a measurable downside to waiting.
I would approach the Klingons with shields down but my finger on the button to raise them.

But I tend to be an optometrist. Or optimist. O r something.

Plus it’s a PITA to fill out the pw if you don’t need it.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I might not go that far if it were me.



I hear you, but how much longer/how many more times does he needs to tell her "we're moving/we need to move? As for the papers, actually he does not have to spend a dime, he just need to download them, fill the first few pages and have them ready (shock value), if she goes off on him and tells him "fine I'm divorcing you" then, he has his answer (even if she changes her mind later on and accepts to move). He actually needs to see where her loyalties lies. I, for one, respect myself enough to be with a woman whose loyalties are not towards me.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Bthood2002 said:


> I’ve tried not going. Each time I do, my wife come to me crying and I give in.


A couple of things. Obviously, you've let her parents treat you like crap without defending yourself.
That stops TODAY. Next time they give you any sort of crap or disrespect, interrupt them and say "I don't need to hear your negative comments about me, and I will not. From now on, if you can say anything positive to me, say nothing AT ALL" AND YOU HAVE TO MEAN IT. Every time they disrespect you, interrupt them and tell them to shut up.
You MIL called you an AH -- the least you can to is tell her to shut up -- EVERY TIME. If it blows up into a big fight, so be it. Your not losing anything anyway, and it will show your kids how to really stand up for themselves in any similar situation.

I'm not saying fly off the handle, start cursing them left and right, etc.. Just be calm, say it forcefully and say it EVERY SINGLE time they disrespect you. If your wife cries, too bad for her -- you've given her the chance (WAY too many times) to defend you. Start defending yourself.

Don't force your kids to go over their house -- if they don't want to, it's up to them.
You wife cries if you don't go -- that is PURE manipulation to get you to give in, and it's worked so far. If you don't feel like going there after confronting them, then don't. Tell her that until her parents apologize, you have no use for them AT ALL.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Bthood2002 said:


> .....I’m so sick of fighting with my wife about the same thing over and over again.
> My in-laws have repeatedly made it clear over and over again that they do not like me or want me around them.....
> 
> (I adopted both of her children from a previous marriage because their dad abandoned them and I thought they needed stability and a person that loves them).....
> ...


Let me share a little advice from my perspective. One of the hard lessons, I had to learn was that I could not change my wife. I could not change how she treated me. What I could do is change how I would allow myself to be treated.

You need to learn that lesson. You have avoided your in-laws, but you haven't changed the way you allow yourself to be treated by them. I suspect that with your wife, you also avoid somethings, but don't change the way she will treat you. You need to think about that.

Your MIL and FIL will always be your wife's parents. Likely they aren't treating your wife badly, just you. 

If I were you, I would start marriage counseling again with you wife and focus on how you can change the way you are being treated by your MIL and FIL to see if avoidance is your only option. You have no right to ban your wife from seeing her parents, but that is something she can do if she wants. 

If I were you, I would not allow your MIL or FIL to ever be in your house, I would never visit them and I would never speak to them or acknowledge their existence. They have burned their bridges. However, I would not stop my wife from occasionally having contact with her parents. 

Again, figure out how you will allow yourself to be treated by them, let your wife know, then ignore their toxic influence on your life. You wife, just might treat you with the respect you feel you aren't getting.

Good luck.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Bthood2002 said:


> I’m so sick of fighting with my wife about the same thing over and over again.
> My in-laws have repeatedly made it clear over and over again that they do not like me or want me around them. I’m 12 years older than my wife and I think this is where it all started. There are numerous other times that they have been openly disrespectful and hostile to me. These are just a few that stand out in my mind.
> 
> When I first met them they immediately disrespected me. While I was in the room in Their presence, my future mother in law stated that she couldn’t believe that her daughter was going to marry such a chill, laid back person like me. She further stated that she would be happier with someone who was more energetic than a man this old. Out of respect for my wife and her family, I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say a thing. My wife didn’t say anything to her mom, she kept her not shut.
> ...


You do need to move to a different house and just not have as much contact with those in-laws, and you need to hold your wife's feet to the fire about not standing up to her parents when they are treating you badly. That is her responsibility. At some point you're going to have to give her an ultimatum that you move and that she set boundaries and not let them say bad things to you or else. 

I'm glad at least the children notice what's going on and are on your side. Your wife should not be allowing her mother to undermine y'all's parenting. But the truth is your wife has never really become an adult and I guess that is one of the perils of marrying someone that much younger. But she may never because she's right next door to them and so it's always going to be three against you, so what incentive has she got to grow up.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> But the truth is your wife has never really become an adult and I guess that is one of the perils of marrying someone that much younger. But she may never because she's right next door to them and so it's always going to be three against you, so what incentive has she got to grow up.


Does the wife work? Has she ever been on her own? She already had two kids when you married her (not a problem in my mind, just thinking about her age, etc) and so if she's never been on her own and has always been under someone else's roof, plus she cries all the time and falls apart, it definitely sounds like you married a child. I'm with DBTR, she has no reason to grow up, she's surrounded by enablers.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Lordy, there are some people on this thread who need to proofread before hitting submit. I know you don't mean what you say. Apparently, the frothing at the mouth is obscuring your vision.


----------

