# Is it out of line for me to tell my husband I don’t want him to refill his prescription?



## TealDaisy

My husband had emergency laparoscopic surgery to remove his appendix this past Saturday morning. He got to come home later that morning with a prescription for Oxycodone as well as Ibprofen and acetaminophen.
He called the doctor today to get a refill on the Oxy, and I think it is such a bad idea. He already has an alcohol problem, and has been completely irresponsible by driving while taking the oxy pills. I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep taking them, but he brushed me off. Do I have a right to be more assertive about this? I obviously can’t tell the amount of pain he is in, but I am terrified that he is going to become addicted to them and continue to make poor choices while taking them.


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## NextTimeAround

> Do I have a right to be more assertive about this?


I think you do. If he were driving under the influence of alcohol and / or oxy whatever and had an accident, think about how much worse that would be classified. I would talk to a lawyer. Imagine all your savings, your home, your retirement wiped out because he's a man and and his wife can't tell him to live.

To learn your legal rights and responsibilities, a legal consultation will most likely be worth it.

Also, opiods cause constipation. imagine trying to ease him through one of those.


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## EleGirl

It's only a few days after the surgery. He's probably in a lot of pain. For a person who does not have addiction problems, I would not be concerned about a refill because he might need it. 

The fact that he's an alcoholic is an issue. Has he been drinking alcohol since his surgery?

Driving while on oxy is very bad. Is he driving with your children in the car?

Prior to this, does he drive under the influence of alcohol?

Under the circumstances I think you have the right to bring this up to him.

I also agree with you talking to a lawyer. He makes bad decisions that can cause you serious problems.


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## TealDaisy

He didn’t drink for the first couple of days, but he did today.

Absolutely not. I would never allow him to drive under the influence with our daughter in the car.

Yes, he will drive while under the influence of alcohol. I have talked to him countless times about it, but nothing ever changes.


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## NextTimeAround

> Absolutely not. I would never allow him to drive under the influence with our daughter in the car.


Yes, but other people drive around with their children with them.


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## TealDaisy

NextTimeAround said:


> Yes, but other people drive around with their children with them.


Absolutely. I am 100% against him driving while under the influence of alcohol or Oxy. I have tried talking to him about it so many times. I hate that he does it.
I will definitly look into talking to a lawyer.


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## EleGirl

TealDaisy said:


> Absolutely. I am 100% against him driving while intoxicated. I have tried talking to him about that so many times. I hate that he does it.


This might seem harsh, but it might be a good idea to call the cops and tell them when he's driving under the influence. For some people, they don't learn until some authority teaches the lesson.

You would probably benefit from joining Al Anon. Are you familiar with them?


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## TealDaisy

He’s been pulled over while intoxicated before, but somehow talked his way out of it and had one if his friends pick him up.
I am somewhat familiar with Al Anon. I will look into that. Thank you


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## Beach123

Tell his dr that he doesn’t need anymore pills that alter his ability to be clear minded - especially since he’s driving!
If he harms someone while driving that would be tragic!
That drug processes in the body as heroin. I would never encourage anyone I know to take it. It’s also VERY addictive.


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## Meshell74

TealDaisy said:


> My husband had emergency laparoscopic surgery to remove his appendix this past Saturday morning. He got to come home later that morning with a prescription for Oxycodone as well as Ibprofen and acetaminophen.
> He called the doctor today to get a refill on the Oxy, and I think it is such a bad idea. He already has an alcohol problem, and has been completely irresponsible by driving while taking the oxy pills. I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep taking them, but he brushed me off. Do I have a right to be more assertive about this? I obviously can’t tell the amount of pain he is in, but I am terrified that he is going to become addicted to them and continue to make poor choices while taking them.


Girl I know how you feel. My husband broke his back about 8 yrs ago and he to was on lots of pain pills. Then the pills weren't working like he wanted and he started shooting them up with a syringe. I would find burnt spoons and needles hidden in my house. Still today I'm dealing with his addiction. I also had him stop getting his medication filled, but now he finds them on the streets. As of two days ago I woke up and found a needle in my bed. I've been married 20 yrs I've put him rehab and nothing will work the pill addiction is more important. Come Monday I have an appt with a divorce lawyer. I'm so done.


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## ScottL

TealDaisy,
Truthfully after a few days, he should be able to take high dose acetaminophen or Ibuprofen. The thing is that sometimes these drugs to not react the same way with alcoholics. I would ask the doctor what he thinks and make sure the doctor knows he is an alcoholic. Anyone with a drinking problem is an alcoholic by definition. 

Some alcoholics are more prone to other addictions. I think it is a good idea for you to be more assertive. But if he does not listen to you. Just let the doctor know.

Next thing is to get him to work on his alcohol problem. I know it is tough and he probably thinks he has every right to drink but you and him will both be better off if he isn't drinking.


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## notmyjamie

Was his surgery laparoscopic, as in they used 3 small incisions instead of one big incision across his abdomen? If so, he should not be needing more narcotics a week out from the surgery. I‘m surprised his doctor even gave him some without seeing him again. 

If it were me I’d call the doctor and make sure he knows your husband is already an alcoholic and that he’s been driving while taking the pills. Be honest that you’re concerned and you want the doctor to know in case your husband asks for more pills again. 

What a tough situation. Good luck!!!


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## Casual Observer

Beach123 said:


> Tell his dr that he doesn’t need anymore pills that alter his ability to be clear minded - especially since he’s driving!
> If he harms someone while driving that would be tragic!
> That drug processes in the body as heroin. I would never encourage anyone I know to take it. It’s also VERY addictive.


Unfortunately there are all manner of laws that won't allow even a spouse to talk to a doctor about such things, although many doctors may engage the conversation anyway. I would suggest she first get medical authority or at least consent to review records and talk with his doctors.


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## DanBond

I don't think so if he is being weird on the pills.


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## Laurentium

notmyjamie said:


> If it were me I’d call the doctor and make sure he knows your husband is already an alcoholic and that he’s been driving while taking the pills. Be honest that you’re concerned and you want the doctor to know in case your husband asks for more pills again.


Yes, this.


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## PieceOfSky

Casual Observer said:


> Unfortunately there are all manner of laws that won't allow even a spouse to talk to a doctor about such things, although many doctors may engage the conversation anyway. I would suggest she first get medical authority or at least consent to review records and talk with his doctors.


My understanding is she can say whatever she wants to his doctor. The doctor cannot, however, say certain things back.

That doesn't mean communication cannot take place. It may just be mostly one way.


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## happyhusband0005

TealDaisy said:


> My husband had emergency laparoscopic surgery to remove his appendix this past Saturday morning. He got to come home later that morning with a prescription for Oxycodone as well as Ibprofen and acetaminophen.
> He called the doctor today to get a refill on the Oxy, and I think it is such a bad idea. He already has an alcohol problem, and has been completely irresponsible by driving while taking the oxy pills. I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep taking them, but he brushed me off. Do I have a right to be more assertive about this? I obviously can’t tell the amount of pain he is in, but I am terrified that he is going to become addicted to them and continue to make poor choices while taking them.


Tell him to not take them. HE DOESN'T NEED THEM HE WANTS THEM. Laparoscopic surgery typically does not involve a ton of pain. When you have an injury or have had a surgery you should feel some pain, thats how you know you still need to take it easy. I mean my 13 year old nephew had his appendix out not too long ago and didn't need much pain meds definitely no opiates. 

My 14yo son had a 7 hour laparoscopic surgery, which required 2 days in the hospital, to fix a kidney problem last spring. They had to detach his ureter from his kidney, untangle it from some blood vessels, put in a stent so the urine would flow to the bladder properly and then reattach it back to the kidney. They gave him a few doses of Oxy for the pain. He never took the oxy because the acetaminophen and medication to control the bladder spasms worked ok. He was still in pain for a week or so but some pain is expected after surgery. I would rather have my kid suck up a little pain than take a powerful narcotic like oxy. The stuff is basically oral heroine. I have known a lot of people who became addicts because they took it after a procedure which they never even should have been prescribed it for. I had a cousin who was a star athlete got a full D-1 scholarship for football, in the spring senior year he injured his shoulder and got a 4 day prescription for oxy. He was hooked and ended up a junkie and in jail, never ended up going to college at all. His life is still a train wreck to this day, I talk to him 2-3 times a year when he hits me up for money. 

Honestly IMO opiate pain meds shouldn't even be legal. 

Tell him to be a man take an over the counter and ditch the narcotics. If he has addiction problems, opiates will make his alcohol issues look like kindergarten.


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## Diana7

TealDaisy said:


> Absolutely. I am 100% against him driving while under the influence of alcohol or Oxy. I have tried talking to him about it so many times. I hate that he does it.
> I will definitly look into talking to a lawyer.


Then report him to the police. There is NO excuse for anyone to drive while drunk and he will hopefully be banned.


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## Diana7

happyhusband0005 said:


> Tell him to not take them. HE DOESN'T NEED THEM HE WANTS THEM. Laparoscopic surgery typically does not involve a ton of pain. When you have an injury or have had a surgery you should feel some pain, thats how you know you still need to take it easy. I mean my 13 year old nephew had his appendix out not too long ago and didn't need much pain meds definitely no opiates.
> 
> My 14yo son had a 7 hour laparoscopic surgery, which required 2 days in the hospital, to fix a kidney problem last spring. They had to detach his ureter from his kidney, untangle it from some blood vessels, put in a stent so the urine would flow to the bladder properly and then reattach it back to the kidney. They gave him a few doses of Oxy for the pain. He never took the oxy because the acetaminophen and medication to control the bladder spasms worked ok. He was still in pain for a week or so but some pain is expected after surgery. I would rather have my kid suck up a little pain than take a powerful narcotic like oxy. The stuff is basically oral heroine. I have known a lot of people who became addicts because they took it after a procedure which they never even should have been prescribed it for. I had a cousin who was a star athlete got a full D-1 scholarship for football, in the spring senior year he injured his shoulder and got a 4 day prescription for oxy. He was hooked and ended up a junkie and in jail, never ended up going to college at all. His life is still a train wreck to this day, I talk to him 2-3 times a year when he hits me up for money.
> 
> Honestly IMO opiate pain meds shouldn't even be legal.
> 
> Tell him to be a man take an over the counter and ditch the narcotics. If he has addiction problems, opiates will make his alcohol issues look like kindergarten.


I had my appendix out in my 50's and my stomach was one large bruise and I was in quite a bit of pain whenever I moved for a couple of weeks. I was only give the usual over the counter painkillers mind you so not sure why they gave him something that strong.


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## ccpowerslave

To be honest they should never have given him anything like Oxy. My charts say that I have had alcohol issues and I never get anything stronger than the high dose ibuprofen even when I threw out my back.

In my opinion you should just tell him to cut it out or else and mean it. I know how it is to be and live with an alcoholic as my father has been one for almost his whole life including the driving every day, caught but not caught, etc... My mom put up with his crap the entire time and is still married to him even now; and to be honest he is a good father and I’m glad he has been in my life. With that said he (and I) are stupid.

You should have an intervention with him. He needs to understand people care about him and the people there are reason enough to sort himself out. It’s difficult when the person is “high functioning” because you believe you’re fine and getting everything that needs to be done taken care of but in reality if your SO isn’t happy with your behavior or even worse is enabling it then you’re not.


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## happyhusband0005

Diana7 said:


> I had my appendix out in my 50's and my stomach was one large bruise and I was in quite a bit of pain whenever I moved for a couple of weeks. I was only give the usual over the counter painkillers mind you so not sure why they gave him something that strong.


They prescribe the stuff for anything now. I've gone to the doctor for a minor knee injury I was really just looking for an xray or mri to see if anything was torn. I walked fine basically it was interfering with my workout routine. They asked if I wanted a prescription for Oxy. I said NO, I almost asked if they got a commission for prescribing it.


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## Mr. Nail

Teal daisy has not written on this thread for 8 months, and has not been on the site for 3 months. 
Just me, but I think she has this one covered.


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