# Wife seems interested then goes cold.



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I'm sorry if this is jumbled, I'm just extremely frustrated right now and I'm hoping that venting will provide some catharses.

My wife and I are on vacation without the kids - a time to which i have looked forward for several weeks. We spent the first few days at home relaxing and now we are out of town for a few days. All day long on our drive, we have been talking, flirting occasionally, and enjoying our time together. Once we got to the hotel, i began getting more flirtatious, both physically and verbally. She seems to be enjoying it, and at one point even agrees that she wants to be intimate. Fast forward a bit, we have rested, showered, and I'm in the bed completely naked, running her, kissing her body, completely erect, and she gives me zero reaction. Zero. Even when I kids her in the one place she is ticklish. *sigh*

After a while I simply withdraw. She gives me a look that (to me) communicates that she knows my intention, and knows that I am upset. Kind of a "what's the matter even though I already know" look.

Now it's 1:15 AM and i am unable to sleep, completely frustrated.

I am so tired of being the higher drive in this marriage. I had a vasectomy a month ago, and prior to that I had no interest in sex for two months. So we had no sex for two months, big surprise. At one point she expressed frustration that I wasn't interested in sex, blaming it on my antidepressants. I hadn't been taking those for a good long while, but hey, it couldn't possibly be anything SHE was doing (or not doing). Afterwards, when I was ready to resume sexual activity, I tried to initiate and of course was shot down. Given that it was medically necessary, I had to do it myself the next day - after not having masturbated for two years prior. When I told her, she said she wanted to be the one to do that for me.

It's funny, when we were packing for our trip, I had music on and we were dancing and singing as we packed, and she kept coming out of the closet modeling shoes and sexy underwear, and I had no problem telling her how much I loved them. Later when i organized the suitcase, I noticed that none of the things she modeled were present. I asked her if she planned to bring any of her sexy underwear and her response was (tongue in cheek) "no, I'm already sexy, I don't need those things." While true, I don't think it's such a bad idea to show at least a little effort in getting your husband in the mood, is it? I made it a point to later ask her if she really wasn't going to bring anything sexy, making sure to tell her how much I loved the things she tried on, and her response was exactly the same. All I could say was "wow" and go about my business.

When I think about our sex life I am so saddened and I feel like it's never going to be any different. When I confront her about it, she is either dismissive or somehow turns it around and blames me for it. I feel like crying right now and I feel like she doesn't care at all.

When I do get up the nerve to initiate, most of the time her initial response is to resist; if I am gently hugging her and kissing her, she always seems to have an excuse (e.g. not in the mood, tired, etc.) If I am more brazen and attempt to "take" her (which she admits to liking) her immediate response is to push on my shoulders with some excuse to go along with it.

I tried that tonight, she had just come out of the shower and I went to go down on her - she immediately pushed away saying that she might not be clean. (She peed after getting out of the shower.) I didn't care. I do appreciate her wanting to be completely clean all the time, but the same time I love her smell and don't mind if she isn't. I understand that she may not feel sexy if she doesn't feel clean. It's just that all this constant push-back just kills my nerve.

Nearly every time we are intimate, I give her oral. She likes it, I like doing it, and I enjoy making her happy. On the other hand, I can count on one hand how many times she does it for me in a year's time, and still have fingers left over. And I'm not even talking about going to completion; it is almost never part of our foreplay. She claims to enjoy doing it and likes to please me, yet somehow it never seems to happen. Go figure.

TL;DR: my wife is so sexy, but who wants to always look and never touch?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You sound like you're making the right moves. Are you in shape? I would work on your appearance. Hit the gym, improve your look. Get out of the house with some male friends. Make sure you have something going on. Too much time together could be a cause. Let her see you doing interesting things. Let her see, hey he's happy without me, I better up my game. Dread game. Look it up.

Also Work on your frame. It's good to pursue her through the day like a slow simmer but make sure it's from a playful frame and not a needy following her around the house frame.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Seems like your wife likes having one up on you. She great at enticing but not giving it up. You are being punished for those two months that you didn't give it up.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

jsmart said:


> You sound like you're making the right moves. Are you in shape? I would work on your appearance. Hit the gym, improve your look. Get out of the house with some male friends. Make sure you have something going on. Too much time together could be a cause. Let her see you doing interesting things. Let her see, hey he's happy without me, I better up my game. Dread game. Look it up.
> 
> Also Work on your frame. It's good to pursue her through the day like a slow simmer but make sure it's from a playful frame and not a needy following her around the house frame.


*It's time for a serious heart-to-heart talk with her over the state of sexual affairs with her. And quite possibly an appointment with an MC to get her to "open up" about the state of her behavior!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

My wife was similar, then I flat out asked her if she didn't want to have sex with me, did she care if I found someone who did want to do so? A couple days later she tried to initiate, which she so rarely did, and I turned her down. Told her I was still super-pissed off and wasn't sure I wanted to live like this.

The next day, a very long, very painful conversation for her took place as she did not like talking about sex, and things got much better from there, but it wasn't going to happen if she didn't truly believe it was something I was willing to get divorced over.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

The thing I have noticed with my wife is that she cannot submit to a needy marshmellow. As much as she does love me (been married 24 years) if she can sense weakness in me, she is much more likely to give out pitty sex and nothing else. Unfortunately woman are sexually attracted to MEN. When a man starts acting more feminine by being emotional and needy, it's a VERY big turn off. 

When you get married, men want that sexy wild kinky woman, but they also want a live in mother. That's like wanting oil to mix well with water. Ain't gunna happen.

Find out what kind of MAN your wife likes and BECOME that man. You'll be glad you did.

Here is some of what my wife likes:

Physically fit (not steroid fit, just not fat)

Confident

No complaining about anything. You got a problem, you're a man, shut up and fix it yourself and don't whine about how hard it was. She knows what you did. If she finds out later and you did not even talk about it, she'll be even more impressed.

Take charge in bed. Soft yet hard. She loves getting picked up and moved around. Use that manly strength that God gave you.

Talk dirty, but do it with unabashed confidence.

Do not be ashamed of what you want sexually. Remember, any hint of weakness and it's going south.

Got to take care of the family financially. 

Good listener.

Touch often without the expectation of sex. In other words, if you only touch to get something, it's recorded in her mind.

Always look sharp, especially when you go out in public with her. Having other women notice what she has is always a plus.

Never get angry. There is NOTHING more masculine than a man that can control his temper.

Don't say "I love you" constantly. However, I ALWAYS say "I love you" right after my orgasm, always. Always tell her how great it was after sex and how sexy she is. If she gives you a bj, tell her it was the best bj of your life. Even if it wasn't, soon enough she will believe it and start actually giving you the best bj's you've ever had. Ask me how I know.

The list is endless.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
you might read all the LD/HD (low desire / high desire) threads. This is sadly not so uncommon - in fact mirrors my wife's behavior in many ways. She want romance and casual intimacy - hugs, kisses, lying in bed together naked. For some reason though she very rarely wants actual sex. There is always some excuse but it is really that she just doesn't want it. 

And to head of questions - no she most definitely does not want a more manly man. She just doesn't want sex much - with anyone.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> you might read all the LD/HD (low desire / high desire) threads. This is sadly not so uncommon - in fact mirrors my wife's behavior in many ways. She want romance and casual intimacy - hugs, kisses, lying in bed together naked. For some reason though she very rarely wants actual sex. There is always some excuse but it is really that she just doesn't want it.
> 
> And to head of questions - no she most definitely does not want a more manly man. She just doesn't want sex much - with anyone.


Yes, the is common, but I imagine it's frustrating for husbands, not only is the wife getting her needs met but the husband isn't and hugs, kisses and lying in bed naked together can get the husband warmed up for sex when it doesn't happen.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> And to head of questions - no she most definitely does not want a more manly man. She just doesn't want sex much - with anyone.


That's what my wife used to say.

"Honey, is it because I am overweight? No I love you just the way you are." Bullshiit!

"Honey, is there anyone other than me you would be interested in having sex with, maybe Elvis? No, I'm just not that interested in sex that much" Bullshiit!

"Honey, do you have any fantasies at all, I mean anything? No, I have no fantasies." Bullshiit!

BTW: Just for fun I searched for an old post of mine on an old private forum. This is what I posted over 2 years ago:

"I understand what you are saying, however, the only reason I have a hard time believing she is sexual is simply because of past results. I have 22 years of "evidence" as it were. Also, she actually TELLS me she is not sexual. She says she never thinks of sex, it's just not important to her, so she says. In other words, my conception of her sexuality is based on real life facts that I see and hear, not my view of her good "angel" trait."


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Seppuku said:


> ... *I had no interest in sex for two months*. ... after *not having masturbated for two years* prior.
> 
> ...If I am more brazen and attempt to "take" her (*which she admits to liking*



This might sound funny, I masturbate a lot, but sometimes I am not in the mood. Oddly enough I find myself trying to convince myself to get in the mood so I can enjoy masturbating, and it is as if I am trying to romance myself. I'll be like, you want to think about this...(nope), or how about this... (nope), or perhaps this... (nope). Then I am like OK, I'll go get the computer and read about the latest twisted escapades of my favorite blogger... (OK!). Then I get online and the said blogger has NO UPDATES. I literally start to get a little upset with myself. I'm like, well what am I to do to get myself in the mood now? It is as if my own penis has kind of rejected me, but I do not let it get me down! I'll go get my favorite snack, some beer, watch a romantic comedy, and FINALLY someone is like, "Hello!" Then I get all ironic with myself, and I am like, no way I am not going to masturbate anymore, cause you were not there when I had time to earlier! Then finally my penis gets so aroused that it rages with a vengeance and just takes over me, and *I admit I like that*. ... now making this happen with the wife is easy, cause she really knows how to taunt him and make my penis transform into the "*incredible hunk!*" and just take over!!!!

My point being is that if your wife likes you to be brazen and take her, the TWO of you are going to have to sit down and have a talk with your penis. It can be very awkward and he will likely reject the idea a few times, but eventually he'll come around, and BOTH you and your wife can enjoy as your manhood just takes over and ravages both of you guys. 

Otherwise trying to ravage your wife as just yourself will be like watching this guy try to smash through a wall:










you need to taunt your penis!!!!

..wait a minute...











*...run get your wife!!!!!!*


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Maybe, but there is no way for me to tell. I have not problem getting attention from other women, so I'm not sure what I can change. 






UMP said:


> That's what my wife used to say.
> 
> "Honey, is it because I am overweight? No I love you just the way you are." Bullshiit!
> 
> ...


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Maybe, but there is no way for me to tell. I have not problem getting attention from other women, so I'm not sure what I can change.


How often do you have sex?

Do you talk about sex often, with your wife?

What pisses your wife off? For me, the number one thing that pisses my wife off is me talking about my lack of sex with her.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
not my thread so we really should get back to the OP. I'll just answer quickly:

Sex - If I complain, its twice a week, gradually declining over the next several months until I complain again. Longest gap was 3-4 months before I complained again.

She seems unable to talk about sex. Not interested. Gets extremely uncomfortable. 

I do very little to piss her off. If I complain about our sex life she gets very upset. Then things get better. Then very gradually worse. 

She never minds me asking for sex, but there is always a reason why we can't do so now. 








UMP said:


> How often do you have sex?
> 
> Do you talk about sex often, with your wife?
> 
> What pisses your wife off? For me, the number one thing that pisses my wife off is me talking about my lack of sex with her.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

UMP said:


> The thing I have noticed with my wife is that *she cannot submit to a needy marshmellow. *As much as she does love me (been married 24 years) if she can sense weakness in me, she is much more likely to give out pitty sex and nothing else. Unfortunately woman are sexually attracted to MEN. *When a man starts acting more feminine by being emotional and needy, it's a VERY big turn off.*
> 
> When you get married, men want that sexy wild kinky woman, but they also want a live in mother. That's like wanting oil to mix well with water. Ain't gunna happen.
> 
> ...


This post is pure gold.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> not my thread so we really should get back to the OP. I'll just answer quickly:
> 
> Sex - If I complain, its twice a week, gradually declining over the next several months until I complain again. Longest gap was 3-4 months before I complained again.
> ...


Don't worry this is VERY relevant to the OP.

First off, stop complaining. Don't EVER complain about anything, especially sex. If a meteor just landed on your house, this is how you must react to your wife: "Honey, wana hear something funny? A meteor just landed on our house. I got an idea, lets's go to a hotel and bring those pumps. See you at Outbacks for dinner."

Second, never talk about sex. The only time you should talk about sex is when you initiate. Let your penis, fingers and tongue do the talking, not your vocal cords. Other than that, never bring it up. If she declines, just take it on the chin and keep initiating, within reason. For example, if twice a week is a lot for your wife, don't start initiating every day.

When you do have sex let your own passion out, don't hold back. When I first did this, my wife actually laughed in my face. I was talking dirty and getting loud and animated. She laughed and I just kept going. 

Women want to be desired by their man. They want to believe that they are the absolutely most desirable woman on earth. Act like it.

When you have sex, act like you know what you are doing. Be confident, even if she laughs at you and asks "what are you doing." I'm not talking about rape, I'm talking about straight up confidence. When I first started doing this, my wife tested me in bed. Women will NOT accept shyness or awkwardness in bed.(they may accept it but they won't like it) If you want your woman you must take her with 100% confidence in yourself and what you are doing. Any hint of shyness or doubt and it simply won't work. The more confident you become, the more she will submit herself to you. 

Your wife has something you want and in marriage it's the only one available. She knows this. However, her body is very valuable to her and she WILL NOT give it to just anyone. She can only give it to a man. Along the way, we men tend to lose the manliness that our wives fell in love with. Go back in your mind to who your wife fell in love with when you got married, become that person and improve on him.

Sex with my wife of 24 years is not only carnal it's very emotional. They are going to bare their soul and allow you to ENTER them. That's got to be a very difficult soul bearing proposition. THEY CAN ONLY DO THIS WITH A MAN.

What is a man?

A man never complains, he simply fixes the problem in silence.

A man never gets angry at stupid everyday problems, he simply assesses the situation and addresses it calmly.

A man is confident.

A man is passionate in bed.

A man not only f$cks his wife, he connects his own soul to hers during sex. 

Are you that man?

It's easy when you first meet. Everything is new and passionate. The real test is years down the road. Men become more like needy boys and women become more like concerned mothers. Reverse the cancer.

Life is an adventure, not a curse. Be the man that your wife can grab ahold of and weather the storms of life. Once you do this, the sex will come naturally and as the sex gets better, the more masculine you will become and the more feminine your wife will become. The sky is the limit.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Sure I am all those things - other than there are limits to being passionate in bed where there are a very limited set of things she wants to to do and she will tell me to stop if I do anything not on that list. 

There are sadly limits to passion. Some women take a long time to get aroused, you can't just toss them on the bed and have your way with them. Arousal is not just all the romantic things during the day, but sometimes involves a lot of sexual activity before intercourse.

And more importantly some women just don't want much sex - with anyone, ever. 








UMP said:


> What is a man?
> 
> A man never complains, he simply fixes the problem in silence.
> 
> ...


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## TJA (Aug 24, 2015)

Have you tried trying to turn the tables? 

It seems like she likes to tease you, but with a good bit of discipline you could give her some of her own medicine. 

Start out really slow next time you want to initiate things. Give her a nice sensual massage, but keep away from her butt, breasts and genital area. 

When you kiss her don't just kiss her... Make sure you kiss all around the mouth and then gently go in for the kiss and then pull away gently. 

Men have the impulse to go straight to sex but anticipation is key in foreplay. Whenever you get the urge to take it to the next level hold yourself back as long as possible. 

You will no doubt tease yourself, but you will also tease her and that might be just what she needs.


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