# Why is dating so hard



## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Yes, I am attempting to date even while separated. I haven't been with H for 6 months.

I am on a dating site but it seems like a total nightmare. I don't have a circle of friends that are single, I don't go to bars, and from my other post, I don't know which isle to stand in at the super market to find single guys Besides, who wants to date a 50 year old woman.

I am a super social person and love to be with people. Any ideas on how to meet decent people that didn't just get out of the mental instituation


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

The first step is to get this...



Tomara said:


> Besides, who wants to date a 50 year old woman.


...idea out of your head.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The best way to do this is to start doing things that you enjoy. Don't look for guys to date. Live your life to it's fullest. And you will find a guy who is doing the same thing.

A good place to start is Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup Take a look at the site for your area. I don't know about where you live but there are tons of things... like local hiking groups, white water rafters, groups that meet up once a month to check out historical site in town, there are good clubs, cooking clubs, dance clubs.. and on and on.

Get busy. Make friends.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Quality men will shy away from a woman who is only "separated".


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Quality men will shy away from a woman who is only "separated".


I used to think this too. Realized an awesome person is an awesome person regardless. 

I get your point though. It is harder to "get your foot in the door" if you're still married.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Ceegee said:


> I used to think this too. Realized an awesome person is an awesome person regardless.
> 
> I get your point though. It is harder to "get your foot in the door" if you're still married.


My line of thinking is this:

If a woman is only separated, then there is a real possibility of reconciliation with her husband.

I don't want to get in the middle of that possibility.

Plus there is the whole "rebound" relationship thing, which I want no part of

There are too many very single, very divorced women out there to risk taking a chance with the separated ones. 

I'm sure there are exceptions, though.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

ThreeStrikes said:


> My line of thinking is this:
> 
> If a woman is only separated, then there is a real possibility of reconciliation with her husband.
> 
> ...


I don't disagree with you. 

However, there is a chance for R and rebounds with divorcees as well. 

Proceeding cautiously while not being afraid to take risks is important in either case. Be aware of yours and your partners actions, feelings and emotions. Divorced or separated doesn't matter in this regard. 

There are plenty of emotionally damaged divorcees. You cannot avoid risk. It's part of life.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

The real question is are you ready to cope with rejection yet? 
Because dating can involve rejection, the ones you like may not like you and visa versa.
Meet Up groups are great. It's hard to step in with strangers but once you do it you'll realize there are so many women and men in your shoes to talk to.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

indiecat said:


> The real question is are you ready to cope with rejection yet?
> Because dating can involve rejection, the ones you like may not like you and visa versa.
> Meet Up groups are great. It's hard to step in with strangers but once you do it you'll realize there are so many women and men in your shoes to talk to.


What is this rejection you speak of?

This is a good point though. As a man, I learned to take the rejection and grow from it. When you're able to shrug it off with a smile and feel even more confident to try again it's an empowering feeling.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

2nd vote for 

1. Do what blows your hair back and the men will appear
2. Get the no one wants to date a 50 yo out of your head its dead wring societal conditioning 
3. Quality men will avoid your sitch but not all quality men 

this is all solid

good luck


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## ohno (Jul 11, 2013)

Tomara said:


> Yes, I am attempting to date even while separated. I haven't been with H for 6 months.
> 
> I am on a dating site but it seems like a total nightmare. I don't have a circle of friends that are single, I don't go to bars, and from my other post, I don't know which isle to stand in at the super market to find single guys Besides, who wants to date a 50 year old woman.
> 
> I am a super social person and love to be with people. Any ideas on how to meet decent people that didn't just get out of the mental instituation


Dating should be fun. You probably should figure out what would make it fun for you, and go with that. Also, I never looked at dating as "dating", I always simply made friends and "dated" those female friends with which I had that connection or chemistry. For me personally, jumping right into a date rather than thinking of it as a simple casual meeting of new friends, had always been a bit much. All kinds of expctations and possible awkwardness. Heck with that, go have fun ad the dating will emerge naturally.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Tomara I can relate especially being a single dad with 2 full time kids.. 

Though your issue seems to be getting a date. Luckily your a woman so all you need to do is dress up nice and just wait for the guy to come around. It is usually the man who gets the rejection. 

If your on a site like POF, I would just send someone a message and say HI. The reality is for many men but not most. But for many all they really wants is the cookie.. Once they get that cookie your done. unless you want to be someones steady Mrs. Tuesday night.

Unfortunately there is no simple way around it. Your gonna have to break some eggs to make that omelet. 

You might have to do the bar scene, but your gonna need a co-pilot or I would suggest one at least. I would not do it alone as a woman.

Don't know if you have kids as that plays a part as well. 

As far as dating a 50 year old. Just about ever relationship I have had as been with older women so that myth is out the window. The biggest span for me was 12 years me being 20 and her being 32. We dated and lived together for 4 1/2 years.. We are still friends till this day and I'm 46 now..

For me what I can tell you is everyone in our age bracket is gonna have some sort of baggage. Many are damaged goods in some way. Your just not going to find the perfect match to be honest. At least in my mind.

I will use POF ( Plenty of Fish ) as an example. When I look at some of the postings I notice that many of the women I find attractive have been single up until 40s and their longest relationship is a couple of years. To me I start to wonder about that. It just makes my head turn sideways wondering why couldn't this person keep a relationship going for over 12 or 24 months at the age of 43. 

Even if we assume this person started dating at 20, in 23 years she couldn't find someone meaningful in her life ?.. 

Of course couple in the line that reads I enjoy traveling and look to get away as much as I can to see new places and that shuts me out. For me having 2 boys full time I just can't get up and go without my kids. Traveling on a plane for 3 can be very pricey. Just going to Hershey park for 3 days is close to 1k and I am driving. 

Then of course there are women who are just like men. They eat you up and spit you out and move on to the next. I know many guys here are probably saying that is great.. But for me it isn't.. Life is meant for 2, I'm a firm believer in that. I've always been a relationship guy. I tried the ONS thing. Even I felt dirty. I know right now guys are laughing out loud at that comment. I'm just square like that. I enjoyed being married, to me the sex got better over the years.. I tried to go with the current flow, but again it's just not in me.

Out of the 40+ guys and even some woman I spoke to they all make fun of me for just dating one woman. Even other women that know I am divorcing that come up to me to hint a going out, when I tell them I have a GF they even say so what..

My point here is not to depress you, but to hit you with some reality on this as well. As an example on POF I must have hit up 30+ women to get a response. I just stink online, but at a bar when I can talk one on one its much easier. At least at a bar I don't need to find 30+ women before I get a "Hello".

I sort of agree with the separated comment about being a bit of a deterrent.

As a side note, 6 months separated. Why not just get this bad boy rolling if it is what you want or something that you cannot avoid.

For me I had no choice with the divorce. My wife wanted it but didn't have the backbone to do it, she basically told me and left the house. 

Again not looking to get all into your business. I don't know your story. But I will tell you this for me it's my opinion at this age it really is all about compromise. Your giving up your husband for something else. Your just giving up one A$$hole for another. Just that you know the A$$hole you have. Again I don't know if your the BS or WW. I don't know if your spouse was abusive or what not. 

For me being the BS I begrudgingly agree that any woman is better then what I had. Anyone I meet today that decides to cheat on me once still has a better ratio then my EX who decided to do it 4x that I know of. 

My Ex was a caring enough to me. I won't take that away from her. She never was abusive and we had sex 2 to 3 times a week, which I know is more then the average couple. 

She has some issues that I cannot help her with and she refuses to address them herself. I also refuse to wait around hoping she will one day fix her problems or try to fix her problems and try to come back for the sake of our kids and family. 

So I will tell you this as well. Unless you strike gold on the first few dates it can be depressing. Depressing to the point of looking to get back with your Ex. For me after seeing what was out there I really felt crushed that this is what my life turned into. When me and a friend can just call women over to us in a bar I know something is wrong. I know the spirit of these women are crushed. Again not life partner material to me. It was moments like this that made me yearn for my Ex. You can call my ex a wh0re and I say at least its the wh0re I know and the mother of my kids.

Again all depends on what your looking for. If your just looking to relieve some stress, well you won't have a problem doing that. But trying to find someone of some substance might be an issue. 

For me it was easier because I was introduced to my current GF from a friend I really trust. My friends were able to convince her that I'm not that type of guy.

Good luck with your hunt


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

Tomara said:


> Yes, I am attempting to date even while separated. I haven't been with H for 6 months.
> 
> I am on a dating site but it seems like a total nightmare. I don't have a circle of friends that are single, I don't go to bars, and from my other post, I don't know which isle to stand in at the super market to find single guys Besides, who wants to date a 50 year old woman.
> 
> I am a super social person and love to be with people. Any ideas on how to meet decent people that didn't just get out of the mental instituation


The dating scene sorta sucks right now. I signed up with alot of meetup groups to do fun stuff and maybe Ill find someone. You should just join meetup.com, they have groups for anything and everything. Even dating.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Quality men will shy away from a woman who is only "separated".


That's quite the generalization.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

American Arrogance said:


> The dating scene sorta sucks right now. I signed up with alot of meetup groups to do fun stuff and maybe Ill find someone. You should just join meetup.com, they have groups for anything and everything. Even dating.


Never tried these but seems like a good idea. 

Do the things you want to do and you're likely to fine the person/people you want to find.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Yeah, I am dreading ever dating again. After my current marriage draws near to an end, I cannot help but entertain the possibility of never wanting another relationship again. I somehow managed to strike out with the only person who ever cared about me after 15 years of knowing her. I'm done... I never dated anyone except my wife, and I don't have the desire to even try.

However, that is not to say that you shouldn't. I think the online dating thing is a little too strange. There are so many people doing that these days, but I don't know, it just seems like a really lazy way to meet someone, and I think that shows in the quality of the average person you meet - especially using apps and such, where many of the profiles are fake, I don't have time for that.

I, like others here, say that you join some Meetup.com groups or maybe attend church or find a local charity and volunteer. There are definitely people out there. I don't believe you are too old to find someone out there for you - obviously, there are other men that have been through some of the struggles that you might have had during marriage. Definitely just do some things that YOU love, I think at some point along doing just that, you will naturally meet somone with similar interests. Good luck!


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