# Separated for over a month, moved away, miss HIM



## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

Hello. 
I am 30, my husband is about to turn 22. We got together almost three years ago, I know the age is crazy. We met when I was a single mother of a 4 year old baby girl that he instantly loved dearly and helped me with no complaints to take care of. He was pretty much homeless and I asked him to move in about four months after initially meeting because we were inseparable and I thought it would be good to have. Man living with me since we lived in a shady area. We have always had our arguments due to my independence and his youth (and probably my own immaturity), but we fell in love despite. We started working together as servers at a local restaurant, which lasted for almost two years. Around a year of being together, I got pregnant, which was planned, idk, or out of love for each other. I had recently suffered a miscarriage and we were so sad and instantly tried again. I had my baby girl in December of 2012, she is now 8 months. He quit the restaurant to stay home with her, after I begged him to do so, because I had the job first and I felt they didn't like him and I working there together and secretly felt they really didnt like him. 
A this point I want to tell you about him. I LOVE this man with all my heart, but he has some qualities that I need to talk about (I love him for him)....he is young, has a tendency to embellish the truth, which I think is a sad sign that he is not happy with himself. He is so talented, he can talk in many different accents, but has never left Texas, the ladies love him. He has been told by at least three employers that I know of, that he has a "bull****ter attitude". Idk, I love him, I love everything about him, I can live with this. He is a gamer, he is pretty lazy, but so devoted and dedicated to whatever he is doing. I know that doesn't sound right, but to be straight about it, he loved being a server and hated doing housework? He was raised in what I consider to be a pretty well off household to adoptive parents since he was a year old. His mother has told me he was taken from his parents because they injected the kids with drugs. He used to tell me this but I always questioned it because of the other lies he had admitted to, such as three exes committing suicide while with him. He came clean about that after I told him of my own mothers suicide and how him lying would hurt me. Anyways, I have my own problems and loved him so much, no matter what happened. 

At this point I'd like to tell you that I have been a drinker for about five years, recently drinking so much we'd argue about it and I'd get violent and hit him and ruin nights. I have to say that yes, I loved this man, but I was so unhappy at times that I drank and drank and left him alone with the kids. I hate myself for who I've become. I also want to point out that he has also been very verbally abusive with me and even physically after I've hit him, we'd fight like crazy, punching each other and one ultimately leaving for a few hours only to come back and try again. I look at this as a problem that he met me with and the drinking was not his fault at all, although his verbal abuse was. He has since the beginning told me he hated me he didn't love me, and lots of other hurtful things. That is his problem. For me, I always justified his verbal abuse with my physical. This is wrong I know, ours has not been a healthy relationship. 

Ok, back to the restaurant, after our working together became unbearable (we were very in love at the time and both decided that our bosses had done so much to hurt our relationship because they did not like us being together and working together since we hid it for awhile) I begged him to quit which he seemed happy to do and find a new job, which he now blames me for ruining his job. Well, he got another job until I had the baby, I worked until the day I had her, and afterwards I asked him again to quit and stay with the baby because we could put afford daycare and my job brought more money. So he did. He claimed to love it but immediately it took its toll, and he felt like less of a man and wanted me to quit, promised he'd take care of me if I quit. So I did, much to my relief because I had gone back to work at that hellhole three weeks after having the baby and felt a breakdown coming on. I quit, got on Prozac and tried to quit drinking, with no such luck. He eventually found a job and immediately started to change. Started becoming angry and telling me I was a horrible mother and that I was lazy, even though whenever I was working and he stayed home I tried my best to make him feel like a man, like he was needed. I have always been so independent, how could I let this man take care of us? This is where I was wrong, I know. 

Now after I've tried to be fair about the situation I have to go into ***** mode. I have to be honest. I have always not trusted men, I've been broken up with more times then I've left. I've had to raise a daughter on my own without any help. I was on housing living in a bad neighborhood with no family, bitter, doing what I could for food and money on child support of 300 a month when I met him. I was in the bus. He could t understand why I never trusted him or why I was so mean to strangers. I just had to make my way and couldn't trust a soul. He started to make me change, made me see that I needed to be nice, that I needed to let him in, to let him take care of us. 

Then the baby came. Then the job and lack of money for two people with bad pasts and struggling to make ends meet started to weigh on us. Then we'd argue. I'd drink. He'd play video games and tune out. He couldn't seem to make the money I did, his employers never seemed to give him good shifts, they often saw a young guy who seemed to "bull****". He often got in trouble for giving sob stories to customers, receiving tips of such large amounts that his bosses questioned how he got them. So, at times I felt, he couldn't support us, or maybe didnt understand what I had been through on my own (homelessness, mothers suicide, bad relationships, etc). He also had his problems, youth, immaturity with an older woman, lack of experience, coldness and shutting me out, bad relationships and an adoptive family that disowned him). 

Ok now I need to tell you what made me stop trusting everything he said. When I met him he said he was born in Germany, adopted by American parents whe he was five, a whole story about how the cops rushed in while his father tried to shoot him and his siblings but saved them at last minute. Only to come to find he was born in Missouri and adopted to Texas parents and for an unknown reason his mother, sister and brother will not speak to him. It's been three years almost and they still will not. He has issues, but so do I. I love him. 

Well, over a month ago, he came home, we argued, he told me to leave, I packed up and left the next morning while he was at work. Now I've been in Louisiana wit ph my dad for over a month. Te next day, apparently he didnt think I'd really leave and apologized and begged me back but I denied it and we came to a mutual decision that I stay for a month, a trial separation. Well, long story short, he's been very distant, only three times after my silence he has wanted me back, but I cannot go back. He doesn't make enough money and we were suffering. Losing not one but two apartments since I quit my job, because he could not make rent. Now he is in a two bedroom apt alone, been in a new relationship for a month (!) and I'm devastated because when the month came up he did not want me back. Most of this time has been spent with him ignoring me and now I am pregnant with our second child together. Two days ago, he wrote me, begging me back, saying he needed me, he was so sorry that he hadn't spoken to me in so long, that he had been with her, that he had neglected my feelings. I asked him if he loved her, he said YES. It's only been a month. How can he be over us? What do I do? Does anyone think he still loves me? Or wants to continue this marriage for our kids? We are both very broken people with problems, but we LOVED each other. I just stopped all contact. What do I do to keep our family together? There is so much acting against us. I need help. I'm close to suicide but I love my children and they need me, they need him. Please help. I know it's a lot. Please.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Sorry you are here Pstarpen.Can I suggest you use the Enter key and break up the wall of text some.It will be easier for posters to read.


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

How do I do that after its been posted?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Click on the edit button at the bottom of your post. Make the changes,then click save.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Thanks Pstarpen for doing that. This is just my opinion ,but don't you think that it might be better to take this time away to really question which direction you want the rest of your life to go? By the sounds of things,you've had a hard go of it in life.


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

Thank you, YES, I do agree with that. I have been doing my best to assume that he's not going to take me back, but his attempts at telling me he is sorry and needs me and the kids have kept me strung along. I do feel like he is too young, and that we may not be good together but I still feel our love alive. I am 100% committed to fixing myself and wish that he would be the same, I want to seek counseling together, even separately, and with a new baby on the way, I almost feel as though we HAVE to try again. I have no idea how real his attempts were, as he told me he loved the new girl as well. My father has offered to let us stay here until we get on our feet, and to help us, and i think being around family will help tremendously. I just sit here daily, taking care of my eight month old but I feel so hopeless. How do I cope with no car, no friends here, just thinking of him and her?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Your focus should be on yourself, not him. Age doesn't define maturity, you both have growing up to do and the only one of the two you control is yourself.


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