# Making Love as a gift to your special one



## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

So yesterday was Mothers Day. If it were Father's Day, I would probably be upset if my wife and I did not have sex. Well, Mother's Day came and went, I thought we had a great day together, but the wife didn't bat an eye when the day was done and just rolled over for sleep. I always hate feeling that sex is for my benefit. 

Just venting........again......


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> So yesterday was Mothers Day. If it were Father's Day, I would probably be upset if my wife and I did not have sex. Well, Mother's Day came and went, I thought we had a great day together, but the wife didn't bat an eye when the day was done and just rolled over for sleep. I always hate feeling that sex is for my benefit.
> 
> Just venting........again......


I know the feeling.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Every day is as good a day for sex as any other, but I suppose anniversaries and perhaps birthdays raise an expectation if you like sex. If you need an excuse to have sex, rather than just having it often, then I suppose you can set yourself up to be disappointed.

Mother's day isn't anything special - nor is father's day - in our opinion. Her kids in particular are thoughtless and selfish, so they didn't send cards or even call. There's nothing to celebrate about those two! But, we love sex despite the unfortunate past consequences, and enjoyed ourselves four times yesterday.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I would guess that you could term marital sex as being a gift of special selectivity for a spouse, I suppose! But I don't quite look upon it as that!

IMHO, it's just a natural, God-given, "no strings attached" gift that a committed couple unselfishly presents to each other as an extension of their heartfelt love and commitment for each other!

Nothing more! Nothing less!*


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I think most males have been in your shoes from time to time. Look at my last thread for example...mostly about me venting and just being frustrated. Fortunately, no one will be brazen enough to tell you "Physician, heal thyself".

One thing to think about is to do your best to eliminate the notion that annual milestones should be linked to sex. Birthday sex, Christmas sex, Mother's Day sex, etc is great, but you need to work with your spouse to get your sexual relationship to a point where you and your wife have sex "just because you want to" and not because "it's my birthday" (for example). 

Having said that, I still equate sex to some holidays - but only 3: Father's Day, Birthday and Anniversary. What can I say, I'm only human. 

FYI, my wife said "no sex" on Mother's Day. That's been an annual tradition for us. That's OK because we made love 3 days in a row the previous 3 days, so I was content.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> So yesterday was Mothers Day. If it were Father's Day, I would probably be upset if my wife and I did not have sex. Well, Mother's Day came and went, I thought we had a great day together, but the wife didn't bat an eye when the day was done and just rolled over for sleep. I always hate feeling that sex is for my benefit.
> 
> Just venting........again......


I had the same experience yesterday, except it was not only Mother's Day, it was also my wedding anniversary.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I tell my wife, on days like Mother's day, that she can NOT have as much sex as she doesn't want. Kind of a get out of jail free card.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Just wish my husband would give me this gift - I didn't get sex on my birthday last week, nor did I get it on Mother's Day. We haven't had sex for 3 months now, despite once again having the talk and me reiterating just how inadequate, lonely and unloved this makes me feel on a daily basis.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I'm afraid posts such as these no longer surprise me. 

There are lots of women out there (and men too, though far fewer) for whom sex is simply not important.

'I will have sex with my husband when I want it...be it a Monday a birthday or a Sunday'. Of course we men are so stupid that we are grateful for whatever our wives give us.

Except me. I'd rather go fishing than have sex (with my wife)...and I don't even like fishing!


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

askari said:


> I'm afraid posts such as these no longer surprise me.
> 
> There are lots of women out there (and men too, though far fewer) for whom sex is simply not important.
> 
> ...


Agreed. I'm shocked by how many men on this board are just happy having a woman who will have sex with them whenever the woman wants. Boggles. My. Mind.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

You all realize that "sex as a gift for your benefit only" is not normal, and you don't have to continue to put up with it, right?

Just sayin'.

I'm sure none of your relationships would have progressed to marriage if your spouse acted that way when you were dating.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Agreed. I'm shocked by how many men on this board are just happy having a woman who will have sex with them whenever the woman wants. Boggles. My. Mind.


I'm not sure what this means. Maybe I'm one of the dumbies.

does it mean that men demean themselves by acting like puppy dogs, beg for sex and acquiesce to 'duty sex'?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

This thread makes me sad


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Me too


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Me too


I feel for you. I don't understand. If the two of you spent the day together and it went well, she should have had those endorphins flowing....and want to make love...:scratchhead: Do you think she was waiting for you to "take" her? :scratchhead:

I do agree with you, making love is the ultimate gift to give to a spouse.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm a member of another board that's mostly women. Someone will ask what they should get their husband for their birthday, valentines day, anniversary, etc. Someone will invariably answer sex or a BJ. I'm thinking to myself: Shouldn't that be happening anyway? :scratchhead:


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I'm a member of another board that's mostly women. Someone will ask what they should get their husband for their birthday, valentines day, anniversary, etc. Someone will invariably answer sex or a BJ. I'm thinking to myself: Shouldn't that be happening anyway? :scratchhead:


I'm more than a little curious what the response would be if you actually posted that.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I'm a member of another board that's mostly women. Someone will ask what they should get their husband for their birthday, valentines day, anniversary, etc. Someone will invariably answer sex or a BJ. I'm thinking to myself: Shouldn't that be happening anyway? :scratchhead:


From reading your wise posts on this forum, I hope you can help advise them for the better.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> I'm more than a little curious what the response would be if you actually posted that.


Haha, I should next time!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

over20 said:


> I feel for you. I don't understand. If the two of you spent the day together and it went well, she should have had those endorphins flowing....and want to make love...:scratchhead: Do you think she was waiting for you to "take" her? :scratchhead:
> 
> I do agree with you, making love is the ultimate gift to give to a spouse.


I think connection outside the bedroom leads to connection inside the bedroom.....and vice versa.

However if you aren't connected in or out of the bedroom then you're fcuked, or not as the case may be!

Even down to petty things - my wife suddenly announced that our daughter needed new school shoes. usually that wouldnt be a problem...except we live in a country where everything (except pineapples!!) has to be imported and import duties are 150%. A pair of good school shoes here will cost $100. 
I am travelling next week and can get a well respected/brand that she wears for less than $30.
Nope. Not good enough.
My wife wants to spend $100 now rather than wait 8 days and get them for $30.
She cant see the logic. If our daughter has worn the shoes for the past 6 months (she's 11) she can wear them another week.

I get this all the time. She does it just to annoy me. Passive aggression.

So I have given up. I have no interest or desire to interact with her socially, emotionally or sexually in or out of the bedroom.

In a nutshell, if you are truly together then yes making love to each other is the ultimate gift....


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

That's said Askari, blatant disrespect on her end.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> So yesterday was Mothers Day. If it were Father's Day, I would probably be upset if my wife and I did not have sex. Well, Mother's Day came and went, I thought we had a great day together, but the wife didn't bat an eye when the day was done and just rolled over for sleep. I always hate feeling that sex is for my benefit.
> 
> Just venting........again......


When I see statements like this I want to know what exactly you were expecting? 

So the day was great, you both got in bed and she rolled over to sleep. What moves had you applied during the day to get her mind on sex? 

Here's what comes to my mind:
You flirted with her through out the day. 
You made several sexual innuendos to get her thinking about sex.
You were touching her in a reassuring but sexual manner through out the day.
You gave her several compliments that directly expressed your sexual attraction to her.
When it got close to bed time, you cuddled with her; kissed her, licked her neck, nibbled on her ear. 
At bed time, you walked hand in hand to the bed room.
You were sexually playful with her as she prepared for bed. Telling her not to bother with PJ's or they might get ripped off her body.
When she got in bed you climbed in beside her and reached for her immediately.

But what I picture from your post:
Had a fun day together with the kids. Kept everything G rated.
Completed night time chores separately.
She got ready for bed and you got ready for bed, not interacting at all or interacting about mundane household stuff.
You each went to your separate sides of the bed and climbed in, leaving the usually amount of space between you. 
You waited looking for a sign that she was open to having sex.
She turned out the light and rolled over without giving you a sign.

Which of these two scenarios most closely matches how the day went?


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