# Looking for affirmation



## Tomweh (Nov 26, 2019)

Thank you to the Creators of this App.

I have been married 41 years so I've experienced lots of Ups and Downs in my marriage.

This Down is different and I think the writing is on the wall but needed some different opinions.

When I try to kiss her she turns her head. At first she said she didn't like the feel of my moustache. I shaved it off. I have to insist to kiss her on lips and not her cheek.

We do have sex but its never initiated by her. Some of this is my fault. I'm out of shape so I need my blue pill helpers.

I noticed she took off her wedding ban. I asked why and was told it gets in the way doing office work and all the other ladies at the office don't wear theirs anymore. I offered to buy her a bigger diamond because this is her first wedding ring and was bought when we were poor. She didn't want that.

We have separate banking accounts and I always made sure we both ended up with the same net income.

She's a strong Catholic so I don't think she's going to divorce me.

Truthfully I feel she wants me to die.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

She can never give you what you need because you’re not giving it to yourself. 

She cannot give you self acceptance. 

Start a plan. You’re out of shape, which is your problem and if she’s not attracted to you as a consequence, well then that’s on you. 

Don’t insist on kissing her. She doesn’t want it, you shrug and walk away. 

Do you have friends? Family?

What is a positive force in your life?

If you’re not eating well and exercising, this heavily influences the mind, especially with emotions.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I agree. Start working on you, not to make her notice but to make you feel better about yourself. Fake it until you make it. You'll be surprised how quickly you start to feel better about your life when you commit to self-care.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Well I guess you must be some super fat, boorish slob... So yeah, working on ones self is never a bad thing. 

However, she is having an affair. Further, if that is not true, then she is checked out and done. Maybe not as bad as cheating, but not fun either. 

But, you do the detective work and you will find out that she is probably screwing around. Look for the standard evidence post.

And BTW, most men in their 60's, not all, but most need helpers. It is nothing to be embarrassed about. Being an out of shape fat slob is something to be embarrassed about, not the blue pills. 

I am assuming you are 60, because you have been married 40 years. 

So if you find out for sure she is cheating, what are you going to do?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Hit the gym creampuff! 🙂


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

It is astounding how many folks wish (actually dream) that their spouse would die. Most women want romance, intimacy, and connection, more than caring if med assistance is needed. Do you have good hygiene? Date nights? Good communication otherwise?

Since you know you need to work on you, do this happily for yourself. Have you or her done something in the past that might be a barrier to a loving relationship?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I am also in the house, of she got new plans on her plate, has your best friend stopped coming over? Has her wardrobe changed? Is she out shopping more? Does she still look good? Why? Someone else is giving her kibble's of affection. Is all you do is complain of tiny matters, she has someone else who just gives her what she hasn't had for years. It's easy to play dumb but if any of this is on going put 2&2 together.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

sunsetmist said:


> It is astounding how many folks wish (actually dream) that their spouse would die. Most women want romance, intimacy, and connection, more than caring if med assistance is needed. ?


Most women want romance, intimacy, and connection, ..........and him to have a HUGE life insurance policy ......so that he can die...hopefully soon.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Bite your tongue @Mr.Married. 

Some women prefer wealth over happiness, just as some men prefer looks over brains or devotion or whatever. A nice mix might be preferable. But wealth alone can be a huge price to pay without the total package IMO. 

Lots of working women I know are quite able to finance most of their heart's desires--maybe times have changed? (In fact, a few of my female friends have benefited from the hard work of their moms and dads and spend quality time running the family foundations or doing civic work). Most of them have no dearth of suitors.

It seems to me that miserable marriages or 'the grass is greener syndromes' are related to poor choices and lack of knowledge or poor character or both. Your folks and my folks can't be that different.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

sunsetmist said:


> Bite your tongue @Mr.Married.
> 
> Some women prefer wealth over happiness, just as some men prefer looks over brains or devotion or whatever. A nice mix might be preferable. But wealth alone can be a huge price to pay without the total package IMO.
> 
> ...


We know you were putting rat poison in his coffee >


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

He had cancelled all the insurance and moved $$$ into his mama's name and other stuff that played havoc with his reputation--so there.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Tomweh said:


> Thank you to the Creators of this App.
> 
> I have been married 41 years so I've experienced lots of Ups and Downs in my marriage.
> 
> ...


Sorry for the T/J. So she is in her 60's and working? How is this 'down' different? Is there anything new about her work? Why do you think she wants you to die? How is her health? Do you have any religious affiliation? Bad habits that she will no longer tolerate? Do you have children that might give you a hint as to why she is changing?


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Tomweh said:


> Thank you to the Creators of this App.
> 
> I have been married 41 years so I've experienced lots of Ups and Downs in my marriage.
> 
> ...


At one point in my marriage after me doing something utterly stupid, we had some issues which lasted about a month or two. We fought a lot; it was not a good time for either of us. During this time, she told me she wished she never married me. It hurt bad like nothing else i've ever been through. I probably felt like you did when she turns her head or takes off the ring. I had enough and so did she. I had to think of something otherwise I thought the marriage was doomed.

My solution was to take a step back one night, walk back in the house like I was a complete stranger. I didn't know her, I didn't know anything about her life, not even the kids. I had to ask her name and where she was from. I was nothing but a stranger willing to help her anyway I could. First it was a little awkward but then we started talking land more talking. There were things that I didn't even know about her that were uncovered. It was as if we were first dating. All her likes and dislikes, just everything was out there. It felt great and most importantly it worked. We fell in love again and never had those issues after that.

As my wife commented though, it takes a certain kind of crazy to pull that one off and maybe I had just enough. Look for your inner crazy self and try it. You're wife will play along if you're sincere and after the first day of so, it's really like you stepped back in time.


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