# Did he ever love me?



## Working Girl (Aug 8, 2009)

Help...my husband blind-sided me in April telling me that he needed a break. We had been doing major renovations to our home for over 6 months (for our future). I had no idea that he was unhappy. NO IDEA!!! We have been togther for 15 years, only married for 2 years. (No children) 
10 years ago, as we were planning to be married, he did the same thing to me...up and left 3 months before the wedding. After a couple of months apart we got back together but did not move in together for about 9 months. It took me several years to regain the trust that he wouldn't do that to me again. Then 2 years ago he surprised me at Xmas with an engagement ring. We eloped in Florida just 3 months later. We have never had a major fight in all those years and I thought he was as happy as me.
I am totally devastated, but even worse, we work together and are partial owners of the business. He is totally cold and distant to me, with barely no communication. And he has already started seeing someone else.
I now question "did he ever love me?" I have given him so many opportunities to tell me that he did love me at some point of our relationship, but he doesn't say anything. He has totally shut down.

How do I move forward when I feel the last 15 years were a lie?

HELP!!!


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## Flutterby (Aug 6, 2009)

I think it's natural to have that question - but it does no good to sit and stew and wonder if someone ever loved you. I'm sure he did - people don't stay in relationship that long if there is nothing there. You are just having moments of self doubt. 

It is unfortunate that this is happening to you. Just because he won't say it now doesn't mean that the feeling wasn't there. He is keeping himself emotionally distanced, probably for his own strength to get through this time, believe it or not.

The best thing that you can do is be as strong as possible and try to keep business and personal separate. If he is giving you the cold shoulder at work, tell him that it's unacceptable and as long as you have to work together you should both be civilized and professional. Just don't bring up relationship issues at the office.

Give him his space... try to think about how you can get through this, because you can...

No one ever wants to hear this, but the honest truth is that it's usually very hard on the person leaving, not just the person who has been left. Trust me, I'm the leaver. I am devastated that it came to this. The leaver just had more time to come to terms with some of it - which is why the emotional hardheadedness comes into play. 

Good luck.


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