# Should I leave my boyfriend?



## lijana (Feb 3, 2016)

o


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Wow.

Do you like either of these guys?

You seem to be lining up a job interview.

Sorry but I would not want to be on your short list. Seems like you'd trade in whichever guy you pick when another better provider shows up.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Wow you say he does not seem ambitious,but he has been trying to get a higher paying job.
And because he is poor, do you not believe you could build a rich life with him.
His father being an alcoholic and they had a falling out, how is this messing up your relationship. How does his sisters mess up the relationship
Some folks are just quite and that is part of their personality.

I say let the first guy move on and find a woman that will stand by his side through better or worse.

How do you know this 2nd guy is all these things if you never met him?Has someone told you that this money guy wants to go out with you?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

That's what dating is about. It's just a big interview.

I can't make your mind for you. But your entirely free to choose whomever you want to. 

By the way. Your current dating partner behaves that way partially from being a child of an alcoholic, I'm assuming. I was this way in some aspects of my life since both my parents were alcoholics and abusive. It took a lot of self discovery for me to break certain patterns in my behaviour.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Neither guy is for you. You will eventually lose all respect for the first guy because of the negatives.

Relationships are difficult enough even when the two people share the same faith. Him being a Christian and you being an atheist guarantees that you will eventually butt heads. If he is a Bible believing and obeying Christian, he will not marry you because the Bible says to not be "unequally yoked" for the reason I gave. There is wisdom in that verse.

Find someone who has a longer "good" list and a shorter "not so good" list.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Wow, you have a bf of three years and your looking to upgrade while your with him? I think you should leave them both alone so they can find someone who truly loves them for them and not what they have to offer. Get yourself some IC, you are sounding like a very shallow individual right now .


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Op, I just read your other post about your "fiance" at a picnic. Is this man your boyfriend or fiance? If he's your fiance and your still shopping around I'm concerned your practicing hypergamy and you need to figure out why before you marry anyone. 

Also, why are you getting so close to another man when you have a fiance? Your behaviour will put you at risk for infidelity if you don't get yourself in check soon.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

If this is your approach to relationships you have a problem. 
You do not sound Australian, I suspect you are of Asian origin (your parents moved to Australia) and you sound mercenary and of the ilk who look for the five c's. You know what I mean I am sure! 

Do your 'boyfriends' a favour and move on.


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## lijana (Feb 3, 2016)

I actually love my bf very much however he has constantly upset me with his behaviour, which I feel is not very empathetic and understanding. I have listed it all in the original post. The truth is I do not want to leave him. If I did , I would just leave and not post these questions or be conflicted. 

I actually fell in love with him knowing he has no money and at the time I did not care about it. I felt as long as he is a good person, it is fine he has not much because we can build it together. I work two jobs myself and am not some woman only looking to rely on a man while I dont work. 
However over time, he constantly gives me the feeling that deep down he may not be a good guy. This is through the characteristics in terms of his personality I have listed above. e.g. once when we were dating he joked about going with another girl, he once joked saying 'women only need to sleep with men to get more money' when we saw something on tv about women's pay inequality, he joked about white race being better than asian race. I know some of this maybe due to the country he came from, however it makes me feel uncomfortable. Also his contrarian behaviour, arguing for the opposite or unpopular position is at times disturbing. He also seems to want to marry the best and can be very judging and fussy about having the best things e.g. in terms of partner , e.g. he wouldnt want to marry a girl from his own country who is an immigrant.
There are also information about his family and the way he has been which shows me that he is not that willing to be a hard worker to build together things for our future children.

This got me thinking if he is not a good person deep down, plus he is relatively poor, am I losing out on being with this guy? 
I just want to be with a good guy who is not a jerk, money is an aside. Of course if he is financially secure it is not a bad thing, financial compatibility is important also in relationships, as it is a big factor in divorce.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lijana, if you have all these doubts and all these questions, then I think you already know the answer to your question. Marriage is very tough even if the couple are compatible, it does not get easier, so it is better to start on a more even playing field, so I think you need to move on.


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## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

Lijana, people don't usually change. If you aren't happy with him now, imagine adding the stress of marriage and children and "life" into the mix. It sounds like you need to spend some time alone to have a better understanding of yourself and what you really want and need. 
And this other guy won't make you happy either, he'll just slow down your progress of developing into a wiser woman. 
Best of luck!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He is in IT and from the way you describe him it is likely that he may be autistic.

As is my wife.

I do not wish to be rude but your boyfriend of three years is not the problem. I think that you might be the problem.

We all pass an audition when we start dating.

You cannot In fairness continue to audition your lover all the time comparing them against other people.

That is unfair.

I fesr that eventually YOU are going to break his heart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I think you should leave. You just don't sound excited enough about him to consider marriage. Oh, and forget the other guy because it doesn't sound like you find him attractive, which is a recipe for disaster.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How did you meet the lawyer guy? Are you even sure that he has the life that he tells you he has?

I don't think that your current boyfriend is a good match for you. There are too many things about him that bother you. After marriage, these kinds of things will bother you 100 times more. You two are actually incompatable.

Now the lawyer guy? He does not sound like a good match either.

Why not be on your own for a while. These are not the only two guys in Australia.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

How many other men have you dated in the past? Are you passionately in love with your boyfriend?

You need to deal with one relationship at a time. If you are having reservations about your boyfriend break up with him, he may be a great guy but if he doesn't fulfill you he's not the right guy. This other guy is just a fantasy to you, until you sit next to a person and get a smell of them you have no idea what they are like, not to mention you already have a list of faults he doesn't meet. 

I think you need to date more men to give yourself a better perspective, to me you sound inexperienced and are and crossing items off a grocery list instead of living life and looking for love.


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## tickled_pink (Feb 9, 2016)

Cooper said:


> How many other men have you dated in the past? Are you passionately in love with your boyfriend?
> 
> I think you need to date more men to give yourself a better perspective, to me you sound inexperienced and are and crossing items off a grocery list instead of living life and looking for love.


I agree. I would have reservations about any relationship that I felt I needed to write up a pro & con list. 

You seem young, be single, go out and have fun.


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

Good grief, you listed 9 issues about your BF that bother you, NINE! I stopped at that and thought what bothers me about my husband, took a pencil and paper and after a good 5 minutes only came up with one thing and it was pretty silly. 

You can't marry someone that you have 9 issues with. Move on and find someone else. The fat boy Christian isn't for you either. If there is no chemistry, forget it.

Leave your boyfriend and get back out in the dating world, but please stop looking for other men while with your current boyfriend. That is being a skank and who wants that label.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> He is in IT and from the way you describe him it is likely that he may be autistic.
> 
> As is my wife.
> 
> ...


I totally agree on the possibility he has Autism. I feel she may be leading him on while she finds an upgrade. I also find it interesting that she refers to him as her "fiance" in another thread.


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

lijana said:


> *I actually love my bf very much however he has constantly upset me with his behaviour, which I feel is not very empathetic and understanding.*
> 
> Read what you wrote here. "You love him but he constantly upsets me"
> 
> ...


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## Big Tree (Jul 25, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> He is in IT and from the way you describe him it is likely that he may be autistic.
> 
> As is my wife.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Matt beat me to it. Like Matt, my wife is autistic.

Your boyfriend exhibits several traits that are consistent with Autism.

Regardless, 3 years is enough time to decide if you accept what you see or want to move on.

Good luck. --BT


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

If you're already looking at another guy with strong potential interest, then you most likely should end things with your bf. At least maybe take a break, and think about what is important to you. Maybe not date anyone seriously for a while, and just casually date, and see where your heart leads you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You seem to score men. 

First one was a ten, which, for three years was good enough.

But then along comes another chap who scores 15, so Mr 10 pointer is given the old heave-Ho.

And Mr 15 is OK for say two years when along comes Mr 30 so now it is the turn of Mr 15 to be dismissed as inadequate.

OP, I seriously suggest that you need counselling in order to get yourself sorted out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lijana said:


> I actually love my bf very much however he has constantly upset me with his behavior ...


I love him, BUT ... Uh, no, this isn't anything vaguely resembling love. Someone who "constantly" upsets you isn't leaving you with much time to experience loving feelings.

BTW, nobody can upset you unless YOU allow them to. JMO.


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