# Confused and feeling terrible



## schu7861 (Aug 30, 2010)

My wife is my best friend. We've been together 21 years and married 15. We usually share everything regarding feelings. For the past 5 years or so I've found myself asking myself "are we still in love?" We say "I love you" each other everyday, but it seems to be just commonplace, a verification of security somewhat.
We take separate vacations every two years to keep it fresh and allow each other some individuality. After every vacation it's become less and less of a jump start.
This most recent vacation I had a lot of time to think and as much as I soul searched and confided in my brother I never could arrive to a solution. We've tried to return to going out and the date night, but we just return to the same rut.
I'm feeling like I've done something wrong for the way I've been feeling. As I said, she's my best friend. We have a beautiful daughter who I don't want to see hurt either.
What I'm feeling is that we are more best friends than anything at all now. We still have sex, but it's almost as if we do it as like recharging batteries (maintenance).
I want to tell her how I feel, but don't want to break her heart. Most of all... I want to remain friends no matter what happens.
Is there something wrong with me?


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## gfl (Aug 16, 2010)

I felt like this post i read a while back would help dont feel bad about it i think its very comman problem. its really what do you want in a marriage and taking steps to get there ...again hope this helps 



You are not alone in this problem. People do “fall out of love” if love is defined solely as the uplifting, exciting, blood-rushing positive feeling one receives in a relationship. If you only knew how many people go through this same thing... AND how many people find themselves again united with their spouse by actually working on their relationship. This is reminiscent of a song titled “Do You Love Me?” in the musical “Fiddler of the Roof.” The couple actually had met on their wedding day. But they find themselves after examining their 25-year relationship that they do, in fact, love each other.

As is said in all the marriage workshops, “Love is not a feeling, it is a conviction.” Love is something that is a “decision.” It’s something that one “decides” to do freely and willingly for the other. You are unique. You are the one who can make the decision to love. But you have to decide for yourself to explore the “whys” of how your love “lost its power” for you. So, I recommend that if you desire to work on your marriage, to seek the help of a marriage counselor to help in getting to the issues that need to be resolved between you both. 

Marriage is a living symbol of Christ’s love for His Church. As in the Letter of Ephesians points out (chapter 5, verses 32-33): “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and His Church.” Find out how you can make your marriage the best symbol of Christ’s love for us all by asking for spiritual help at your parish and/or seeking marriage counseling to clarify issues that blind you to your love that you had for each other at the beginning of your marriage. May the Spirit of God guide you in seeking the answers to your questions about love itself.

God bless, Fr. Amaro


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