# hes given up



## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

ok so you know the situation by now and i should be glad hes going away quietly but i didnt think hed give up so easy.. no fights no mind games now should i be upset by this?? 

i find it puzzling after i read so many posts that he dosent call me or text. hes just given up and moved back interstate to be with family and left me here to pick my life up

i mean we were married... MARRIED!!! does he not care about this i mean not even willing to try to save it? nothing hes dont nothing and i feel well let down that he gave up so easily and now i think i meant nothing to him if this is how hes being

omg maybe he never did love me


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

...be careful for what you wish???...


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## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

very true just think that shows alot about our relationship and how much it truly meant


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

_*Always becareful for what you wish for*_

Thought One-​There could be a lot of reasons on why,​Your husband has given up so easily. You, could have been acting different in ways where he picked up on you, no longer wanted to be with him. Which would not really be all that hard to pick up on when; someone that they have been with for so long starts to act another way. They will pick up on it very fast​Thought Two-​
​He could have someone- who he is seeing alreadyAnd he has been trying to find away out of the marriage and you, made it easier on him because you were the one who told him you wanted out of the marriage. He still could have had been talking with someone out of state (Back home) and then found someone from there he wanted to be with and is the reason why, he chose to go back home​
Thought Three​
He may have given up so easy because​He also was unhappy and did not feel things were working out between two of you. And like I said on the other one "You made it easier for him because you came clean and said you wanted out"​
Okay, now I am going to talk with you,​When you choose to let your husband or your wife go out of your life. It really should be something you are for sure about and know deep down that you, no longer want to be with this person. Now, I am going to tell you, why, you're feeling hurt now over him letting you, go so easy... You, also cannot tell me that I am wrong because I know I am 100% right on this info I am about to tell you...​
You, feel that you want out of this marriage​Of yours. It really is not even the first time you, have felt it. You, feel as he does not listen enough to you, he does not love you, the way he should things like this. You are hurting now because he let you go so easy and you, were hoping that he would put up some type of fight for you, you were hoping he would show he his heart was broken that you wanted to be out of the marriage you two are sharing. Now when he did not act on the way you were hoping he would; it broke your heart.​You, really are not even for sure this is what​You, even want- now you are wishing that you've never told him about wanting out of the marriage. Your love for him is so very deep- that you are not even to sure on what you even want. So this is why, you should have really thought about what you were saying to your husband- you, need to let him know if you really do want to keep him and tell him what it is that is hurting you so much...​
Because- -"True love, is something that is so very ​hard to find-and once, you do find it- you want to make dang sure that you, would treat it is as something so very precious and keep a hold of it as it if is a treasure. You, will only have this love once in life and twice if you are lucky. There is no way you can ever love two people at once- you cannot if you are really in love with someone"​


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

Hey,

In all honesty it's probably for the best that he's not contacting you. I can understand how you feel. I'm in a similar situation, and it is so difficult not to maintain any contact. I've read that with abusive people it's best to cease all communication. I have stopped and it's hard, I feel as though I'm not behaving in a humane manner, but if it's for the best then it has to be done. I really hope they see this as a stepping stone to admit and change.


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## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

> You, really are not even for sure this is what
> You, even want- now you are wishing that you've never told him about wanting out of the marriage. Your love for him is so very deep- that you are not even to sure on what you even want. So this is why, you should have really thought about what you were saying to your husband- you, need to let him know if you really do want to keep him and tell him what it is that is hurting you so much...


trust me i know this what needs to happen and i dont want him back. of course my love was deep he was my husband but he was also an abuser and a liar and a stealer. 

HM3 ur right it is better to cease all communication with them and im trying i just thought he would fight harder but last nite i spoke honestly with the one person who knows what an alcholic and abuser is like.... my mum she went through it with my dad and i had a good cry. it made me feel better but i need to just feel what im feeling and go through my stages of grief thats all


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## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

you what i think its because im here crying because of how he hurt me etc and hes off having fun instead of dealing with his problem!!!


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## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

olivia234 said:


> you what i think its because im here crying because of how he hurt me etc and hes off having fun instead of dealing with his problem!!!


It is unhealthy for you to be speculating on how he is spending his time. I've had to stop that as well, so I speak from experience. It will only do your head in. Also, the longer he puts off dealing with his problem, the harder it will be for him in the future, so please don't torture yourself thinking he's having a marvellous time and will somehow manage to dodge all responsibility for the rest of his life, because it's true that what goes around comes around. 

Please find some peace and start healing yourself. You deserve it.


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## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

> It will only do your head in


this is funny coz this is exactly what my mum said last nite lol yeah i know i need to stop doing this and move on with my life i think the nights i think too much


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## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

We've got day-light savings in Vic now and I'm so grateful for it, because I only start dwelling on things after the sun goes down. How long has it been since you left him?


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## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

its been about a month now and it only feels like yesterday.... keep playing songs to make me happy no love songs lol. yeah the sun does help and yeah we have daylight savings in adelaide so its great... really helps

i hate when it gets dark feel more lonely somehow..


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

I'm still going through the roller coaster of emotions after 2 months - it's become turmoil again.

I agree the evenings/nights are the hardest - too much thinking time and you're on your own again.


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## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

yes i am i go to dinners with my friends talk up a storm not thinking about him then i come home empty house and no one here and i start to think and think


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## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

What are you thinking about? Do you write any of it down?


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## christmaslady (Dec 21, 2009)

UGH! I just posted something similar. I am going through the same thing; although my ex was not an alcoholic, but he was extremely emotionally abusive. I miss him everyday. I changed my phone number and have not given it to him. I did just break down and call him from my work phone to his work phone; very dissatisfying (if that is a word-which I am sure it is not). The nights are torture. I have a body pillow and a teddy bear (probably too old for either, but whatever, it's just me anyway). 

I'm sitting at my desk now crying; wondering how I am going to get through this pain and torture I put myself through. It is unhealthy to dwell on what the other person is doing etc. (especially when they are not contacting you and you don't know exactly why and you hoped for something more). I can speak it all out rationally, but I don't know how to make it all stop. I personally used to write a lot, but now I feel I can't write anything. When I stop to write, I think alot more and my hands/heart feel so weak that I don't even feel I can hold the pen and I get upset with myself all over. If I write on the computer, I tempt myself to send him my thoughts in an email; and I don't want to do that either. 17 year relationship down the drain and nothing to show for it. I know there is something more/better out there, but where do you draw the strength to get out there and start over (especially as an introvert vs. he is an extrovert...so I feel it is easier for him; and he has definitely moved on/beyond me-as if he is not even thinking of me anymore...and it has only been a couple weeks with absolutely no communication).


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## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

should be careful for what i wish i agree.... today he called left message on my mobile its urgent call me i thought it was about his stuff still here etc..... anyways i call back whats urgent? nothing.. i never called u

well its confirmed by all the texts and phone calls today hes still drinking and it confirmed my decision!!


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## olivia234 (Sep 19, 2010)

like i said above... after 2 weeks of him not calling and leaving me alone and me crying over him etc he calls leaves a message saying its urgent. i call back and say whats urgent that u called me for? he said i never called u.. im like u left a message he denied it all.... i hang up he texts me what did u want? nothing ******* ur the one who called etc he goes no i texted u

he fu*kin dosent even know what hes doing anymore i could tell he was drinking omg he hasent changed he hasent done sh*t in 5 weeks omg im seeing now i made the right decision but why does it hurt so much??? why am i crying??? 

we had this painting of all the messages as our guest book and i smashed it tonight to get anger out... it made me cry instead and made me feel worse


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