# In House Separation BTDTs help!!



## annanetet (Jun 27, 2011)

It has now been a year since my husband came to me and said he just didn't love me anymore. It's been back and forth and he did leave for 2 months. We have remained nice and almost like nothing happened for the most part of this all. Mostly because I was the one that was denying it all and blinded that it wasn't happening so I was and have doing doing everything to save this. I am now just beaten down so much I don't know what to do. I am tired of feeling like a booty call when he has a 'need' and doing everything around the house (but I always have) and getting no help with the kids (like always) and paying for everything (like always) and him just not caring. I think I am back at the resentment stage because it's like he is a older son just working and then coming home and eating dinner and going to sleep. He pays two of the bills we have that amount to very little. And I have always paid the rest of everything. He can't afford to move out because he can't manage the money he has. I worry about my step kids because he won't be able to find a place to stay and our two kids because of the same fact. I am tired of feeling unloved and hearing the kids getting told he loves them when he leaves for work and I get teh little hug and the walk away. I feel I deserve to be loved and not used like I have for so long. He says he is staying at the house until is sells to 'help me out' which in fact he only makes the bills higher and, of course I pay for them. The house isn't even up for sale because there are things he has said that he needs to fix before it sells. A year later an most everything STILL needs ot be fixed. I am having a realtor come over this week and see what he can do then maybe filing for a short sale. I don't know what else to do. Anyone have any advice? Or questions? TIA


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Why would you allow yourself to be used like that by being a booty call? I had a family member like this. They didn't separate as far as anyone moving out, but they didn't really want to be together, but lived in the same house.They didn't get along or anything. BUT yet she would keep laying down with him when he wanted sex, then complain she felt used. Well she was allowing it. 

You deserve better, so if he can't or wont move out, what about you? Is that something you can do? Sounds like a bad situation all the way around.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Sounds like you are enabling these peoples behaviors. They will keep using you until you put your foot down and stand up for yourself. 

Its possible you can take yourself off the mortgage, and find a place of your own. Once you do that if the mortgage is left only in his name then he will either have to find away to pay it or he will need to sell it. It would no longer be your problem. Its best to consult a lawyer as to what is best to do though. If the marriage is over for all practical purposes then its best to consider this as an option. First off, you are gonna have to get some self esteem.


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## annanetet (Jun 27, 2011)

His name isn't on the house. It's my maiden name. We bought it before we were married. But in our state we have that rule about it doesn't matter. He thinks that things will just fall into place if they are meant to be. We had agreed that it would just be sex but that's when I had in the back of my mind if I do that it will keep him. He says he cares for me and loves me but it's niot like the love a husband should have for a wife. 
It comes down to that I am scared to be alone and scared to have him act like he is happy and shove it in my face. You are right I have no self esteem.


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## StartingAgain (Jun 29, 2011)

Anna, you are worth more than you're giving yourself credit for. Take some time to seriously think about that. I encourage you to read about and read about and read about and learn self respect. Then re-evaluate where you are and where you want to be.


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## IsntLifeFun (Jul 16, 2011)

annanetet said:


> It comes down to that I am scared to be alone and scared to have him act like he is happy and shove it in my face. You are right I have no self esteem.


I hear that.
BTW, personally I think you need to find a way to say 'no' to him for the booty calls, unless it's in both your interests.


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## annanetet (Jun 27, 2011)

I don't know why I feel the need to agree to it. At times it is in my interest but more and more it's not and i feel terrible after because I know it's just the fact of it. 
And you know I don't know why I fear the alone because I have felt alone for a while now and I have made it with paying for everything and doing everything and taking care of the kids all the time. It's jsut the companionship factor that I am stuck on i think. We have been together for 12 years and he's been my only close best friend and I became totally codependent of him and shut out everyone around me. Sad.


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## spitfire008 (Jan 13, 2011)

I got hit for this as well.As a Man.We have a autistic son that sleeps with her.we tried his own bed and room no luck.Child would fall asleep on couch we would have our moment then Id carry him upstairs.We would say i love you kiss and id go next door for sleep.Im a lite sleeper.She finds guy online from 34 years ago and stays a week and someweekends with him.Now she says Shes only bootie call.Work two jobs clean all the house and kids 70 percent of time and this is what i get.2012 is not the end of the world as stated its the days women figure out what they>>>WANT<<<


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