# 10 years later and all messed up



## AmIcrazy1 (Oct 2, 2014)

A shortish summary of our lives since we met to give you a better picture of my situation:
We met 24 years ago at a local hangout when she was dancing with a guy and she grabbed my bum when I walked by - I took her number and we connected a week or so later. We were quick off the mark and went on our 1st date (she was only 19 and I was 21) and we got to know each other quite intimately but NO sex yet. In the following week I phoned her every day and we talked about our feelings about having sex - we planned to have sex the weekend...and we DID...in my parents' RV stored away on a remote farm!
She invited me to all her work related parties and I soon learnt that she enjoyed dancing, especially after having a few drinks...in particular Tequila shots! She would dance like a stripper and undress until I would stop her, but we were young and I enjoyed the way we satisfied each other sexually. We got engaged eventually after 18 months. At a friends' 21st party we had our 1st serious quarrel - I was outside smoking and when I came inside the house she was dancing with a guy. It was all normal until she started rubbing herself against him while dancing - I stopped her when she took his hands and put it under her dress while dancing!
We got married 22 years ago. We relocated 4 years later and my work demanded longer hours. AND i worked with a young 19 year old lady. Somehow this lady and I got emotionally involved and soon a simple joke about sex got us having sex on her birthday at her home during a lunch break. This was the start of our 3 months affair where we had sex every day! Then my wife found out and I resigned my work and we started over to restore our marriage. In the first 6 months after me quitting the affair, my wife changed quite a lot - she was now wearing very sexy and short skirts to work; she started smoking. One evening she shared a sexual fantacy and asked if I would enjoy watching her have sex with another man - since then it came up very often during sex and she would have wild orgasms as a result. Our lives eventually returned to normal and we became "church people".
But 5 years later our lives faced yet another surprise - she was 32 now. I think our lives became too dull for her. She got involved with a man at her work and soon it turned sexual as I discovered she suddenly went back on the pill one week. I confronted her, but she laughed me off saying I was simply imagining stuff as a jealous husband. But suddenly she worked earlier and later every day, and she started to go on "work" trips over weekends and eventually also a entire week. When I happended to come upon her panties in the washing basket after the week trip, and they were still soaking wet - she admitted and we had quite a terrible night of arguing. The next evening when I got home she had left to move in with this guy! She started divorce proceedings. We only saw each other after 10 months since she moved out - we were called to the attorneys to finalise the divorce. Here I met a very change woman again - she was wearing a dress that "promoted" her breasts and her pantylines were very visible --> this she never allowed in our 11 years being together! But a miracle happened and the divorce was stopped and she moved back a week later. We decided not to go into details, but just forgive, forget and move on. Yet, it was a time of adapting - she was so different now - much for the good though: sex was better than ever!
Our lives quited down as we "settled" and once again became "church" people.
But this is where my problem lies: Even though I have forgiven her, and even though we have moved on I almost daily struggle with myself - I catch myself often thinking about her being with her lover; often wondering/ wishing I knew the exact details of their sexual relationship - there has even been several times that I catch myself hoping she would have an affair again! 

I am starting to feel like I have some screw loose or have serious problems?

Please Help!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

that's quite a wild ride.

how long has it been since you've been back together?

how long has it been since her affair and since your lives have quieted down and been stable?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Rug sweeping never seems to work out. Betrayals need to be processed and put to bed. No wonder you still have issues.


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## Emren0316 (Oct 2, 2014)

Oh I am so sorry to hear about everything that has happened. You certainly have had a lot going on. I am glad to hear that you are back together but it sounds like there are some things that you both could still work through. Have you thought about talking with a counselor or your pastor? 

Emren0316


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If you cheat, when your partner accepts it and stays, it almost ALWAYS = open door for them to do what they want.

After all, YOU did it so.....

Anyways, seems like you both learned the lesson the hard way. At this point, since you accepted her mistakes and she accepted yours, it's time to practice some mental control.

When the thoughts come up, deflect them completely and think about something else. 

What you think doesn't matter, what you do with that you think is what matters.

Manage your thoughts and in time they will go away.....

Good luck


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