# Husbands PTSD and infidelity



## loveofgreg (Jan 1, 2015)

I feel I have a unique situation and look forward to some insight. Just to give a bit of background, I have Cystic Fibrosis, a genetic disease and 9 years ago I had a double lung transplant which was rough for both my husband and me. We have been married 25 years and he came into this marriage with no secrets about how hard the life would be with hospitalizations etc. It was not pretty at times though we kept laughter and love all along. Now my health is tip top, I'm 53 as is my husband. 

After all this and a hysterectomy to boot, my husband stopped being interested in me. Come to find out, he has PTSD from all the traumatic experiences. Neither one of us knew anything about this disorder, but now we are getting help. The thing is that 9 months ago, and still continuing today, he is having sex with a younger gal. He says he can't have sex with me because just being intimate with me triggers his PTSD. We have a second residence we own about 20 minutes away, and he let's her live there paying no rent, but some utilities. He bought a car for her to use, but it's in his name, and he will take her on trips etc.

This is his scene. He says he needs the control of that situation. He does not spend a lot of time there, but has to "put in time" so she feels wanted. He told her he would never say he loves her etc. and that he will never leave his wife (me) and this gal still stays. She is a victim from what I know of her past. 

I don't like it at all. I won't tell him I approve of the situation even though he says it saved him from suicide. I love this man and want to stay with him as I know he does with me, but I feel traumatized now and like I'm going out of my mind. I am so in pain and sad and can cry at the drop of a hat. I feel like I'm PTSD now because I get so focused on what they might be doing. My imagination goes wild. I can't talk to anyone except my therapist because no one understands that you don't have to go to war to have PTSD. We also see her together. Does anyone have any suggestions on coping with his PTSD by being supportive without screwing myself up in the process? He's helped me through so much, but it's hard to remember that stuff when my heart is ripped to shreds.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

This is not PTSD. This is just being flat out selfish.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Does he have an actual diagnosis of PTSD from a doctor? Or is this just something he's telling you. It sounds fishy to me.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Tell him you've got CBTBS and ditch him.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

First of all, I'm sorry you are going through this.

Second, you feel it all was worked out BEFORE entering the marriage.

Third, it isn't anybody's expectation how things are going now.

However, you BOTH have PTSD. 

And you are both doing what it takes to survive.

So, until the hammer comes down and neither of you want to continue as you are, this will be how it IS.

Are you ok?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> Tell him you've got CBTBS and ditch him.


What is CBTBS?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

He may have stayed with you and loved you at one point, but this cruelty doesn't come from someone who loves you. This isn't love.

He may have been traumatized by your illness, but I think that is an excuse. I think it much more likely that he has simply lost attraction for you but feels too much guilt to actually say it, so he uses the PTSD to stop the marital sex.

I sense that you are asking for some way to cope with his blatant betrayal without so much heartache. I don't think there is a mechanism that will really help you this way, though. It seems to me that the only way to stop your heart from breaking every day is to stop loving him. But if you do that, you don't have to be married to him.

My advice would be to file for divorce. My heart really goes out to you. He isn't the man you always thought he was. He just isn't.


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## loveofgreg (Jan 1, 2015)

Diagnosis. I asked the same question of the therapist. She stated it was one of the worst cases she had ever seen.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jld said:


> What is CBTBS?


Can't Believe This Bull ****


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

See another therapist.


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## loveofgreg (Jan 1, 2015)

Thank you for your reply. It's hard to deal with, but I don't want to desert him now that he needs help. I have seen 3 therapists, one man two women, and they say it is from the PTSD and that if it keeps him from killing himself, which he was at the brink, then he should do it. I'm not one of those denial people, but I also know that he is really messed up. Friends, family, and workers have all commented on his irrational behavior that has nothing to do with another woman. Women tell me to dump him and men say not to because there isn't the same attachment to sex that women have. I'm just very, very hurt and so confused because I am an independent person. He says he's always waiting for the next shoe to fall in regards to my health and that he can control the other situation even though he knows you can't control anything. I appreciate your input.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

How long do you think you can put up with this until you go under?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

So one of the symptoms of your husbands trauma is him cheating on you? Sorry I call complete BS and would be seeking a second opinion while your lawyer draws up papers for divorce.


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## loveofgreg (Jan 1, 2015)

I'm not going to "go under".


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

I cannot fathom one, let alone three, therapists who say "Oh just let him."


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

If he were bringing in lot of money why not? Apparently if he can afford a mistress, he's bringing something to the table. If LOG gets her groove back, she can get her a nsa part time companion that can likely do more than her old man. What good for the goose is good for the gander.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Sorry, but no.
My ex had PTSD from childhood abuse, he also suffered from major depression/anxiety with psychosis and paranoia. That diagnosis can only offer explanation for some of flawed decisions, but in no way does it excuse his behavior. If he's suicidal he gets treatment-not a girlfriend.
I do not believe three therapists said this was ok, and since you say that's what happened, you should file a complaint with the state licensing board.


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Is he receiving therapy?

Is he on any medications for his PTSD?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

LOG

Have you told your husband that him keeping a mistress is hurting you?

How does he respond to that?

And how did you find out about the mistress? Did he ask for permission? Did you catch him?

HM


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

This is a huge load of bvllsh1t!!

Cheating therapy????

So why not with an OLDER gal???

"If I can't stick my d1ck in a younger woman I will kill myself!"

Seriously.......

I have PTSD related to sex and intimacy directly and cheating is the last thing on my mind!

Your H is full of it and so are the perverted therapists!

Just when you think you have heard it all......


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

I have never ever heard of PTSD causing a husband to cheat and buy his OW things.

Since you to have PTSD would he be okay-(not saying u do it) if you took a BF and paid for your bf's things?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Since there has been a good treatment developed for PTSD, why do they say it hasn't worked for him?

Anyway, wouldn't the treatment he's using be good for you. A young man could do wonders for your self esteem.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Have you spoken to the therapists directly, or are you getting this info second hand?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

loveofgreg said:


> Thank you for your reply. It's hard to deal with, but I don't want to desert him now that he needs help. I have seen 3 therapists, one man two women, and they say it is from the PTSD and that if it keeps him from killing himself, which he was at the brink, then he should do it.



I happen to work a job in the military where I review medical claims of PTSD on a regular basis. Some of it is combat caused, some of it is caused by abuse. Sadly to say the vast majority of these claims, however, are either greatly exaggerated or outright faked, yet they are still diagnosed as PTSD. My point here is that a diagnosis of PTSD is extremely easy to get. It's very rare that a psychiatrist refuse to grant that diagnosis, and even if he did, the patient would simply shop around for another doctor who would diagnose it. 

*HOWEVER*, you say his "therapists" have said this is from PTSD. Are any of them psychiatrists or at least psychologists, and/or has a doctor actually diagnosed him with PTSD in the first place?


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## Mr Right (Oct 5, 2013)

PTSD Hey???

Here in Australia plus the USA and Briton we have all these Vets with Combat Related PTSD going to Mental Health Care Professional and taking Medication to deal with and control their PTSD, maybe the Governments should stop that and just start issuing vouchers for Hookers, seeing it works so well for your oldman!!! 

Look he may have PTSD but the excuse he is using and his excuse for treatment makes a mockery of all the people who genuinely have PTSD!!!

Whatever you do, don't take away is young sugar baby, he may just suicide, PLEASE!!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So what does this Id... sorry, qualified therapist say should be done to correct the PSTD that your husband has caused YOU?

They have given you some dreadful advice. You need to change therapists. Immediately.

And seek legal advice if only to understand your legal rights.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lovesmanis said:


> Is he receiving therapy?
> 
> Is he on any medications for his PTSD?


The therapy he needs are two large bricks aplied to his testes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Instead of dealing with the issues of his ptsd, he is masking it in the feelings of a new relationship. While he is getting off on the high of a younger woman having sex with him, there is nothing he is really doing to fix his problems. Once the young woman moves on, he will likely seek another woman to replace her so the happy-go-lucky feelings will continue, and you will have a less involved partner who will not get the same level of excitement from you. In fact, he may leave you for someone else who will make him feel better. While your bond is weakening, his bond with the new girl is growing. If you do not mind being second fiddle to another woman in your own marriage, because he is reserving his energy and resources for her. Pretty much, she gets more of his best.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Does he feel the world "owes" him his affair?

Here is a newsflash for him: No it bloodywell doesn't!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Ok. I have to say that I honestly think that your husband is using all of your medical issues as an excuse. He says he has PTSD from that? Sorry. I doubt it.
There are people here with much more issues in their lives and they do not have PTSD.

I am 37 and my life has been a hell of a lot shi!!ier than that from day one and I do not have PTSD.

Unless he has been diagnosed by a qualified professional, ie psychiatrist, then anything that the therapists say is just them reflecting on what he is saying.

I would say that if anything, the medical issues that you had were too much for him and he has probably lost that affection for you because he is a jacka$$ and instead of getting a divorce he is using it against you so he can get his **** wet.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I have PTSD - diagnosed by 3 different doctors... and his actions are a load of crap. No way in hell would I ever do that to anyone, and then try and blame my condition. Having a disorder is not a free pass to do whatever you want. His actions repulse me and anger me that he would try and blame his cheating on PTSD. He is broken.


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