# Really, Really confused....



## What-a-to-do (Jan 14, 2013)

Hi All,

Im new here and would just like to wish everyone on here all the best.

So... as the title suggests, I am really confused. I will keep this as short as possible but you may have to pull up a chair.

My ex and I had been together since we were 17, we had been together for 25 years, then, about 18 months ago BAM !! I got the classic line... I love you but, Im not in love with you. I was completely gutted and couldnt understand it in any way. I was so in love with her and thought she was with me. (Im trying to condense this or I would be typing for a week) Anyway, after a lot of upset it tuned out that she was getting attention from someone on facebook, he was an old boyfriend of hers when she was 15/16.

She, as far as I was concerned had been brainwashed by this guy.... She moved out with the kids (teenagers) and I was left alone wondering where it all went wrong. I was devastated, I loved this woman so much, she meant everything to me. In the 25 years we had been together I had never even kissed another woman never mind had an affair. When ever I was asked in a bar by a woman if I was married, my answer would always be... Yes, I am extremely married. I was devoted to her - not overly clingy or anything I just knew she was all I needed. I wanted to grow old with her. I thought we were both really in love with each other.

I went online (Google was my friend) I researched relationships and came to the conclusion that she was going through a mid-life crisis. I decided I wasnt going to take it lying down. Iwas going to fight for her, for us.

Over the next few months I fought, I tried to make her see that there wasnt anything drastically wrong with our relationship, just maybe that we had been together sooooo long that we were in tick-over mode. 

She ended up going to meet this facebook guy which didnt go well. It turned out that his photos on facebook were quite old and he was a bit tubby with a cheap suit and bad teeth. I recieved a text from her the next morning saying "I still love you"

We met up, she was in tears saying she couldnt believe what she had done. How stupid she had been and that while she was pushing me away with someone else on her mind I was always there for her. Fighting for her........ We got back together.

Things were great for a year. Then, one night at a party at a friends house she passed me her phone to ring a taxi. I pressed the phone button..... the last two numbers dialed were - yep, you guessed it, his !!! I didnt say anything straight away. I looked at her phone a couple days later, they had been texting each other. It was happening again. I couldnt believe it.

I confronted her about it and she flipped "Youre spying on me... Thats it, the trust has gone. I want a divorce !!" The sh*t really hit the fan. It was over for real. She said it wasnt because of him. She said some really nasty things to me - she couldnt stand me, she hated the sound of my voice and she didnt want to see my face any longer. I went through a real hard time, I suffered with depression, I was a broken man. I wasnt fighting for her this time, I wasnt prepared to go through it all again. I love her so much and want her back but a man can only take so much.

She moved out, I got the letter from her solicitor about the divorce. Jeez, it was terrible, I was so low. It took me a few months to pull myself around. I was getting the odd text message from her but, I was mostly ignoring them. One day we met up to discuss a few things regarding the divorce, money, house etc and out of the blue somehow we had sex ! It was fantastic but the next day we were discussing the divorce again.

Ive recently spent my first christmas day waking up in an empty house with no kids, no christmas day routine like usual, it was tough but, no depression. I was feeling better about myself. I wasnt completely over her by any means, I was still in love with her but, the future didnt look so bleak anymore. I knew I could cope without her and one day, maybe, I could move on to another relationship.

Last week she asked me to go round again to sort some details about the divorce. She wanted not to use the solicitors anymore and do a DIY divorce instead to save money. I ended up staying the night, we had sex all night long, and I mean ALL night !

I could see what was happening here.... I sent her a message the next day saying that we were treading on dangerous ground here, I wasnt prepared to get back on the emotional roundabout because no matter how good the ride is, it always gets back to where it started. I am still so in love with her and all i have wanted since she left was to have her back (I have never told her this) She replied to my message with... "We need to talk, can you come round" --- I went round......

She said that she can now see that she had gone through something. I told her to be careful what she says, that a lot has happened. I said that she has just forgot the reasons why she left and she is just remembering all the good. She basically told me she wants me back..... 

She said the words that I have been longing to hear...... 

The one thing I have longed for could potentially happen !! I am 100% sure that I could have my wife back...... but wait. Something isnt right, I'm not sure what I want ! How can this be ? I do love her, I am IN love with her. 

I dont know what to do. Now it could happen, I'm thinking - do I really want this ? What if it happens again ? Does she think Im some sort of puppet that she can pick up and put down when she wants? 

I am so confused. Has anyone else been here ?


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

MLC are very hard to deal with. It is basically a mental illness. As time goes on the fog lifts and they get over it. 

It sounds like yours had a relapse which is much harder to deal with. For me you can forgive once, but a second time it is much harder to trust them, especially when they do the spin blame game like she did to you.

I think once this happens, it is all about how much you are willing to put up with. You need to set boundaries and make those clear. 

I fought for mine, but had a breaking point. We almost divorced, before she woke from the fog, but there is always that voice in the back of the head wondering if she could relapse.

Read Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy would be my advice.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Sounds like you really love this woman. You have that to build on. But me personally
I would ask myself do I respect and trust this woman enough to go
through with this again? If you would take her back I would have some heavy ground rules set.
No Facebook, passwords to everything. She shown she cannot be trusted. Again do you want 
to put yourself through this rollercoaster again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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