# 24 year friendship, 12 year relationship, 4 year marriage - is it over?



## anonymousplease (Jul 10, 2011)

I don't even know where to start. I am so lost. 
I have known my husband for 25 years. Of those 25 years.. the last 12 we have been together and we have been married for the last 4. We have one child together. Right before I found out i was pregnant I would say that our relationship drastically changed. We started arguing a lot more, taking stabs at each other where we knew it would hurt, and just stopped appreciating one another. I thought it was just a stage and once my child was born it would bring us closer together. Wrong. It's brought us further apart. I'm a pretty stubbon/overbearing person when it comes to our child because I feel a huge responsibility to make sure he grows up right.. my husband is more laid back and this causes arguments. 

We have also gone through a period of "his family" being more involved in our relationship than they should be. to the point where his mother actually called me profanities and still to this day doesn't have much to do with our child. 

We both say to each other that we want a divorce at different times. My husband says it more often than me.. and he often says it only when we argue.. and this is more often than not. We are two totally different people now.. he's not who I married. Whenever I make decisions I always think of him and my child first.. and think how it would make them feel.. and I make my decision from there.. my husband doesn't do that. He is selfish and makes decisions as he sees fits and doesn't care how it migt make me feel. 

The most recent situation is his aunt is watching our son as the daycare provider 3 out of 5 days of the week. I have continually had issues with his aunt acting as if she was the mother of my child. We would have family gatherings and his aunt constantly hovers over my child and makes comments to me if I do something she doesn't think is right. We tell her to mind her own business.. and we move on...I have sat her down and told her that it makes me feel uncomfortable when she does this.. because it feels like she thinks Im a bad mother.. she apologized.. but it hasn't stopped her. She still continues to act that way. She constantly disrespects me and my husband by doing things with my child that we have asked her not to do. I.E. : Don't give him a bath, don't feed him this... etc. And she has done it.. and not really thought twice about it. Some of them minor.. but disrespectful nonetheless. 
Last week - she Cut my child's hair (horribly might I add) without our permission. In fact.. she asked my husband the day before if she could and he said no.. and she did it the next day. Not only did she disrespect us but she blatantly ignored my husband. I'm livid. This has caused a great deal of arguments between my husband and I because with all the things I've felt uncomfortable within the past.. she does this! I don't want her watching my child anymore . He wants her to watch my child because it's his aunt and his family and he feels bad etc. My husband is not even taking my feelings into consideration. I'm uncomfortable with her watching him.. I don't trust her.. I mean what else is she doing that we don't know about?? 

This is causing us to be even more separated than ever before.. we came to a compromise where we sit her down and give her a stern warning... and he completely ignored it and talked to her over the phone tonight without involvement from me whatsoever. 

This.. obviously.. is causing a huge strain on our marriage and our relationship in general... not to mention my relationship with his family. I don't know if we're going to survive this one. 

We have been to counseling once before for a different issue... and he refused to go back to a second session because he said I "dominated" the session and it was a waste of time because all it did was "bash" him. 

I need some serious help and advice. I feel like we're staying together for our child.. but I hate to fail.. especially in something I vowed to.. and have put so much of my life, heart, and soul into. 

Any advice? Am I wrong?


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## lyngreen504 (Jun 7, 2011)

well.. your situation is a toughy. Sorry you are going through this right now. I understand how annoying a family can be when it comes to your kids. My husbands grandma has made me feel the same way about my daugthers. i've never said anything because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I could have exploded at her and made things worse, although this is bad, she ended up getting the shingles and I kept my kids away from her for that month and after that I had my kids on a different routine that they didn't need her like they did before. So although it's bad for her, i'm thankful for her shingles. Back to you though. It sucks that this is happening after so many years, but you can only fight for your family for so long. It starts to get old and overwhelming on you when you are doing the fighting alone. As soon as you feel that your husband has given up, there might not be any hope. If you feel that he is trying, take advantage and make things better. but honestly, just because of the years invested and your son, don't make your lfie miserable. Your son sees life through you, so you should make it a happy one with or without daddy. 

I've only been married for six years with my husband, we have three kids and we do enough argueing to make me want to face plant him on the concrete outside, but there is still some fight in the both of us. Not much though. : / you know when it's over and you know when it's worth trying.. Good luck to your family and best wishes!


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