# A vacation by sneaky means



## RaisedGarden (Oct 24, 2012)

Hey everyone,
I figured I would throw this one out to the peanut gallery for their feelings on this. Ok, It's been two months since I told her family and friends about her affair. Last time I spoke with you guys I was getting a lawyer and happily moving on to the D. Well my lawyer turned out to be not so great. $1500 I will never see again. I am between representation. I have entered into long term therapy. My WW has entered into therapy. Joint therapy has ended. The house was on the market behind my back, offer made, told my wife there was no way in hell I was following her if the house is sold, and wife pulls house off market. So here I am, somewhere stuck between Blahville and purgatory. Each limited conversation with the WW is either her anger punctuated with odd moments of extended silence, or she tells me some gem that her "Therapist has told her"._* ps.It's my fault she had the affairs.*_

The wife is using the therapist as a segway to tell me something she knows is either untrue or something she want's but doesn't have the guts to ask for. This is the latest one, the therapist told her that she "has never loved anyone, including me". My wife says that she doesn't love me and never has. That's always nice to hear from someone who you spent 14 years with, and got married to. As such, she needs time alone and will be moving out of the house after the first of the year at the bequest of her therapist. She won't tell me where. I am not allowed to call, text, or email her by strict orders of her therapist "so she can come to terms with the idea of being alone". Ok this is where it gets interesting. Wife has now gone underground with OM#1 and OM#2, but she is too stupid not to see all the trails she is leaving behind. So I find out on a shared credit card that she has booked a holiday at a very swanky resort in the Caribbean(in the middle of her month of solitude) "During her time to contemplate being alone" So what kind of moron thinks that their attractive, wealthy, and "single" wife is going to paradise by them self to read books their therapist told them to read?

So the question is should I cancel the credit card(she is just an authorized user) and fight the charges once she gets on the plane? Would this be considered fraud if I did that if anyone is in law circles here? Also, the card allows her all sorts of upgrades at the resort and other perks. So even if she pays in cash, the hilarity of it all is well worth the loss of the $175 I had paid for her to be a user of my credit account. Besides when I re-lawyer up the card is getting pulled any way.What does everyone think?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Cancel the card. Now.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

The question is, why have you not retained another attorney, and will filled out papers or a subpoena be waiting for her when she gets back?


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## RaisedGarden (Oct 24, 2012)

Kasler said:


> The question is, why have you not retained another attorney, and will filled out papers or a subpoena be waiting for her when she gets back?


Therapist thinks my wife is sociopath and thinks I will have hell of a time in the divorce. She gave me the information just yesterday for real shark of a lawyer she has dealt with other clients for. Each was happy with the results of their divorce. Problem is lawyer is $400 dollar an hour type so I have to go break the piggy bank to pay the lawyer. I have to wait till after the 1st of the year for tax reasons. So that is why I don't have a lawyer yet. I would love to have papers for her when she gets off the plane after having her love fest interrupted from the very beginning. It would be cool to to serve OM#1 with papers if he is on the same flight as well. Welcome back to earth. :rofl:


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Cancel the card and fight the charges. Does your ex-wife have an income? Let her get her own card.


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## RaisedGarden (Oct 24, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Cancel the card and fight the charges. Does your ex-wife have an income? Let her get her own card.


She is a physician and has more than enough income to cover her love get away. I have my story posted in another thread. The question is, Should I cancel the card when she is over seas???


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Cancel the cards yesterday. and see if you can cancel the trip too.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Cancel the card. If the company gives you grief, tell them you are contesting the charges. If they still give you grief, say you lost it and do not recognize the charges.

There is no obligation for you to keep a particular card active for your wife. 

IF and ONLY IF she has no other means of getting money, you should also protect yourself from her claiming that you threw her out on the street financially. Do the following:
Buy her a 50$ prepaid card from Walmart and mail it to her with delivery proof so she cannot claim that you withheld money from her. Be sure to add a note (notarized) that you will pay this amount every week (or whatever period you think is realistic) so that she is not without money. Do not say this is maintenance, do not say this is for food or housing, etc.

Edit: Just saw she is a physician in your note, so ignore last para.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Ah...you just want to mindfk her.

Ok in that case, contest the hotel charges 3-4 days before the vacation. Then contest the flight charges and cancel the card when she is on the flight.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

If she is a physician, she should have her own card and pay for her own vacations when separated. Does she pay for her joint card charges? Even if she does, it is time to separate finances.


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## RaisedGarden (Oct 24, 2012)

Cdelta02 said:


> Ah...you just want to mindfk her.
> 
> Ok in that case, contest the hotel charges 3-4 days before the vacation. Then contest the flight charges and cancel the card when she is on the flight.


Can you contest charges an authorized user made without your approval. Ie. my wife just dropped 8K on a vacation she never told me about. Or do I play it off as fraud??


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Play it off as unauthorized use. The card was lost argument works well.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

One small change....I should have clarified this - 

"Then contest the flight charges and cancel the card when she is on the flight."

Contest the flight charges before she checks in!


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Also while you are at it, why not contact the hotel and let them know that the card was used without your approval? 

Or better still, get her room and booking downgraded before you do anything with the card. Also one more thing which you could do (I have done it as a prank with friends) is downgrade the flight seats. You can ask the card company for the PNR number (confirmation number used by the flight for the air tix), then go online and in most cases use that + last name to choose seats. I usually put my friends right at the back of the plane next to the toilets while I am up in First/Business.

Just some thoughts....


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Its your card stop over thinking it and act.

Cancel the booking. You'll have the booking information on the card record. Call the company it is through, and cancel the trip. They'll maybe say there is a cancellation charge - pay it. But cancel the trip.

Then cancel the card.

Talk to a laywer about the money your wife is spending at this point. see if you can reclaim it as a part of the D. she is spending family assets on her affair - put an end to that ability.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

As I recall, your W is a particular control case. She needs to make sure you know at all times that she is in charge. So, you need to think carefully about how to wrest control from her.

I would call the card company and explain that you are in the process of separating and that your W no longer has your permission to use the card. Tell them that if the charges go through, they will be part of a messy court case, which they won't want. Since she hasn't gone on the trip yet, the vendors have nothing substantive to claim yet about getting paid for services. Your goal should be to get the charges cancelled, not contested.

Frankly, this business about the house being on the market 'behind your back' is more worrying. She's really a piece of work. I think you need that shark lawyer as of yesterday.


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## RaisedGarden (Oct 24, 2012)

Cdelta02 said:


> Also while you are at it, why not contact the hotel and let them know that the card was used without your approval?
> 
> Or better still, get her room and booking downgraded before you do anything with the card. Also one more thing which you could do (I have done it as a prank with friends) is downgrade the flight seats. You can ask the card company for the PNR number (confirmation number used by the flight for the air tix), then go online and in most cases use that + last name to choose seats. I usually put my friends right at the back of the plane next to the toilets while I am up in First/Business.
> 
> Just some thoughts....


Your fun to pal around with online, but I don't know If I could have you as a friend if you lived close by. Also, remind me not to piss you off.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Its all in fun. Also I dont do it often or I wouldnt have friends.

But that said, flying as much as I do and staying in hotels so much, opens up your eyes to endless pranking opportunities. Like paying a doorman $50 to send a female hooker to knock on a gay male friend's hotel door. Of course the hooker would have to be in on it. 

Not that I would ever do that.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Why don't you book a flight for yourself and go with her at the last minute?
If she's contacting OM's via phone you may want to cancel that before the flight to add to the humor.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Or like knowing the keywords to use - hotel speak per se, so you get exactly what you need. 

Like "near elevator", "high or lower floor", "allergies". String those together and you could have your own fun. 

For instance, you could call up a hotel in "paradise" and tell them you need a room that is NOT near an elevator since you dont like the noise; on a lower floor, preferably lobby floor since you dont like heights; and not sea-facing since you have allergies; and you will get a closet in the back of the hotel for your fun paradise trip.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

RaisedGarden said:


> Therapist thinks my wife is sociopath and thinks I will have hell of a time in the divorce. She gave me the information just yesterday for real shark of a lawyer she has dealt with other clients for. Each was happy with the results of their divorce. Problem is lawyer is $400 dollar an hour type so I have to go break the piggy bank to pay the lawyer. I have to wait till after the 1st of the year for tax reasons. So that is why I don't have a lawyer yet. I would love to have papers for her when she gets off the plane after having her love fest interrupted from the very beginning. It would be cool to to serve OM#1 with papers if he is on the same flight as well. Welcome back to earth. :rofl:


Rule number 1 with divorce.

Pay a lot now in the short term or Pay A LOT MORE over the long term. Expensive attorneys are ALWAYS worth it if the divorce is rough.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

RaisedGarden said:


> Can you contest charges an authorized user made without your approval. Ie. my wife just dropped 8K on a vacation she never told me about. Or do I play it off as fraud??


You can cancel the card but the charges stay. She's an authorized user for the card. Can't contest that unless you had contacted them prior to the purchase that your wife was not allowed to make anymore purchases on your card.

And don't play it off as fraud, now you're the one committing it if you know that she was the one who charged it.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

I'd look for a way to cash in her return flight tickets. Just sayin.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is an authorized user. She will have paid much earlier for the hotel and the flight. And while canceling the card midway through her flight definitely sounds good for now, wouldn't she have other sources for money anyway ? It won't help the divorce process either.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

CH said:


> You can cancel the card but the charges stay. She's an authorized user for the card. Can't contest that unless you had contacted them prior to the purchase that your wife was not allowed to make anymore purchases on your card.
> 
> And don't play it off as fraud, now you're the one committing it if you know that she was the one who charged it.


HE can call and cancel the trip however using booking info. It's the same as if she bought a TV and he returned it to the store for credit.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> HE can call and cancel the trip however using booking info. It's the same as if she bought a TV and he returned it to the store for credit.


True, probably just have to pay a small fee to cancel depending on who she booked with.

Or he could ask them to change the trip for him, Hawaii, Europe, Asia, Australia, or a month long cruise. Those sound like interesting destinations to visit now that he's basically single.  That's if they won't allow a refund (some of those packages are non-refundable).


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## BrokenVows (Oct 12, 2012)

RG, if you know the name of the resort/hotel she's going to be staying at, call & cancel the reservation  "This is Mr. RG and we have had a change in plans and will not be able to make the trip" You have the credit card information so that should suffice in proving you are authorized to cancel the res...just sayin


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

RG what are you trying to accomplish?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Cancel the card and tell her you have done so. Let her talk to the therapist about it and get back to you on how she feels about what you did.

By the way, when my second child was a few months old I took him, my 10 year old and myself to a nice Caribbean resort without my infant's father. It was just a relaxing time, no OM involved at all. Still, of course, I am not your wife. lol.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

IF you don't cancel her trip, then book yourself into the seat behind her, and the room beside her.

make her holiday a living h3ll.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You authorized her to use the card. You are going to be on the hook for any charges.

The companies you will be fighting over this have deeper pockets than you. They are paying those lawyers anyway. You can't even afford your own attorney. Now you are going to half-ass it wondering if you can stop an authorized user from actually using the card, or say she "did not have your permission"? You gave your permission when you authorized her as an additional cardholder. You have to revoke that authorization with the credit card company and tell your wife about it, otherwise you will be responsible for it. This is juvenile, something a teenager would propose, not knowing how the world works.

You will either pay up or they will ruin your credit.

If you want her off your card, get her off your card.

Stop playing games.

Divorce her and be done with her. Detach and stop talking to her. You are well rid of her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Will_Kane said:


> You authorized her to use the card. You are going to be on the hook for any charges.


Yes, but he can return items he doesn't want. like tickets and reservations.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I would do this:

So...she gets on her flight, either alone or with OM...and arrives after a long flight. She's tired. She's giddy. She's ready for dropping on the bed and relaxing for an hour or two...thinking about dinner and maybe dancing...wondering if her room has an iron for that hot little dress.

"Madam, you don't have a reservation."

"What, that's impossible. Here is my itinerary."

"Yes madam. But my records show that the trip was cancelled yesterday." (Tip: Change the email her updates on the trip go to. Do you have access to her RESERVATIONS...or just the credit cards? Make it last minute. They might charge you anyway.)

The card should also be cancelled. Inform the resort of this fact after they charge the cancellation fee (authorize that)

You might want to cancel a few other credit cards as well...and have new ones sent to you in your name.

So she's fighting for a room and trying to find a credit card which works. Leave a message with the front desk for her too "Enjoy your trip"

Now...it may be that OM throws down the money...or she has another credit card and the room is reassigned. But it's the SLAP of the unexpected which should get her attention.

This, btw, is childish and may cost you more in the long term.

BTW, have you still wussed out on exposure? WHY does she still have an OM to go with?


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