# husband has disappeared



## maefair (Sep 22, 2010)

Hi, i'm new here and I'm just hoping to get some feedback/opinions because I'm starting to seriously consider moving on.

Basically, the story is this. I've been married ten years and probably the last year or so, we've started having some real problems. Also, financial problems, but I won't focus on that.

The main issue, as my title says, is that he's started disappearing. I think it was probably around this time last year that he started chronically coming home late from work. And I'm talking in the early AM. Now, in his line of work, this is fairly common, and it'd happened off and on before. But this became a constant thing and furthermore, I could never reach him on his cell, and he would always promise to call, but then he never would. Well, he lost his job in January (of this year) and since then, he's disappeared 6 times, and is typically gone between 2-5 days. Two of those times he had a fairly good explanation. The first time he said he went to the lake to think and seemed pretty remorseful about it, and I took it as depression over not having a job.

Eventually it culminated in late May where he was gone for nearly two weeks, but called me a few times and his claim then was that he'd gone to a church to get help for depression. I believed him as he seemed to be different and said he wouldn't do it again. He has since gotten a job (same line of work, different location). But, shortly after he got the job, he's gone back to coming home really late. Most of the time, I'll only see him twice a week, Sundays, which he has off and one other day in the evening (from 7ish until we go to bed).

Well, now he's disappeared again. He called me Friday night at about 8:30 to tell me he was leaving work and coming home. It's now Tuesday and I haven't seen or heard from him. And his phone is either off or dead. He hasn't been to work either.

Now, a few other details. He has the only working vehicle. My car has been down for four months, and he's been promising to fix it for that long, but there's always some excuse. Fortunately I have friends to drive me around, but I'm beginning to think he simply doesn't want me driving out to his work at midnight to see if he's still there. The other thing is that he only carries a small amount of cash every day and a gas card, not a credit or debit card anymore since he lost them a lot in the past. 

I'm just not sure what to believe anymore, because he has assured me he's not cheating and tells me he loves me often. But on the other hand, he will constantly promise me something and then not do it. Even something as simple as promising to call me if/when he's going to be late. 

I've kept trying to trust him and justify this, but after everything that's gone on this year with the lying and disappearing and broken promises, I'm not sure I can anymore. And i'm just tired of him taking off and me having to wait. I told him after the last one that I wouldn't do it anymore. But it's just so hard to make that final decision, you know? Especially in my case because if I do decide to just move on, I have to make a lot of big changes right away. And it's hard to commit to that when I don't know if he might come back or not.

Now, obviously I don't know if something serious has happened, but the vehicle is in my name and I would imagine authorities would try to contact me, right? I'm just basically going on what has happened five other times this year, though I will probably file a missing persons report tomorrow.

The other thing is, he may have gotten paid the day he left and it would have been a considerable amount since he was due to get a bonus.

I'm just basically wondering what I should do. He's never been very talkative and would always rather just end fights than get them resolved, which is part of our problem. I'm honestly simply tired of being left and tired of being told things when they're never true and tired of never seeing him. And he doesn't seem interested in making things better or at least agreeing to work on them.

Anyway, thanks for any feedback/opinions. If anything like this has happened to anyone else.


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## NeedSpace (Sep 17, 2010)

Wow, sorry to hear this. This would be scary to go through. I would probably be calling the police to search for him, or friends and family. I hope he's okay. I have never had this happen to me before, as I can't be late long before hubby is wanting to know where the heck I'm at! Good Luck!


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## maefair (Sep 22, 2010)

Unfortunately it's happened so many times this year that I'm somewhat numb to it. I've already overreacted the previous times only to have him come back and act like it was no big deal.

I'm now just trying to decide how I should move forward. I don't know how to get it through to him that the disappearing is not right or acceptable. And I feel like I can't keep saying it's the last time without putting some seriousness into it at some point


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I would suggest you also go disapearing from his life and he will know his goose is cooked.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Does he have family or friends he might be hanging out with? There's no way I could handle this behavior on a regular basis. I do know my estranged husband was doing some disappearing acts towards the end of our marriage. I did one of those on-line people searches on him. It revealed the addresses he had been known to use. Well, I didn't recognize one of the addresses. It turns out that address was a girlfriend's house. Mystery solved--that's where he had been staying.

Hope everything turns out okay.


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## maefair (Sep 22, 2010)

he's been more or less estranged from his family ever since i've known him. His friends are mostly work friends, but he has apparently walked away from his job too.

new update is that I know he's out there somewhere because he has accessed his voicemail. he told me the last time he wouldn't run away like this again, but now that he has, I'm really thinking I should prepare to call it quits, because he can't seem to deal with things other than by taking off like this and leaving me to possibly be stuck with everything.

also, he's always promised that he'll always come back, but he doesn't seem to get that I'm tired of him leaving


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