# Best for the Kids



## kelsey (Sep 24, 2009)

I have recently seperated from my husband and have moved into a new place. Our original plan was for the kids to spend every other week with me, so they still get to see both of us for a decent amount of time. What did you find worked best for your kids? did you have them stay in the "family home" and only see the other parent on weekends? I really only want to do what is best for the kids, but it is so hard to know what is best.

Thanks.


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## kelsey (Sep 24, 2009)

So absolutly no one has any advice for me??


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

My ex has our daughter - 1 night a week and every other weekend 1/2 of every major holiday and her birthday and all day on fathers day (that's the court arrangement). He can also have her most any other time he wants her for something special. We swap nights and weekends sometimes when someone has a schedule conflict. 

I think its more important for the kids to know that you are still in their life, that you love them, that you are involved than it is to stick to a rigid - I only see every other weekend....period. Maybe they only stay over every other weekend - but you could do dinners with them a couple of nights a week, etc.


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## Ilovemyfeelings (Oct 20, 2009)

My kids are 14 and 16 and they are so hurt from their dad leaving that they don't want to see him at all....so...I think in my case they don't have too if they don't want too...

You really have to go with your kids on this...if they are young....it takes time for them to heal too....the have to go through their own grieving process adjustments ...and trust me they can be very angry...

one kid might be different then the other....

but I do believe they need some stability and routine...

good luck...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

My husband, in the divorce was given joint custody. His kids were told by their mother he was abusive and beat her for many years but they didn't know about it ( and other lies along the same lines). When I began dating my husband, she told them he had been dating me outside the marriage for years before she filed for divorce.
Now many years have passed and the truth is coming out as the kids are 16 and 19 and telling him what they believe is true.
They only want to see him when he is taking them out to treat them or buy them things.
In a nutshell, he did what he could, not what was best for the kids because his ex made it very difficult for him to have a healthy and beneficial relationship with him.
His ex has now moved a man into her home and he is into sailing boats. The man has started to interest my husbands son in racing the boats, although the boy is not experienced at this, they even bought him his own boat to race ($$$, they paid 15, 000 for it... which is just unbeliveable to buy a kid something like that, at least to me it is... more so since she cries she doesn't get enough child support)
and they race on weekends, so his son has no interest in visiting his father. His mother and her boyfriend are also putting the boys safety in jepordy as they feel "IF HE IS ABLE TO RACE BOATS, HE WILL LEARN TO BE SAFE":
which to me is a crock. I often fear the boy will be killed.
My husband has told his ex he does not want his son racing or manning a boat alone, but they do what they want and we cannot stop them as they aren't doing anything illegal, just stupid ! and stupid is not illegal.
It's not often a matter of doing whats best for the kids, but doing what you can as divorce is full of anger, resentment and often the parents have a lot of baggage they place upon the kids ( not to mention any romantic relationships they enter with other adults).

You often do what you can, as ideal is not an option.


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