# Sadness inside me



## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

Well, Im on the road to being at peace with my separation and my soon to be finalized divorce and all the things I miss about my "old life".... but I have this sad feeling inside of me that I feel like I cant express anymore because of the depression meds... Before I started taking them, I would have days where Id get all worked up and break down into tears, and then after it was over Id feel better for a while. Now, its just in me, and I cant make it come out. I keep telling myself I DO NOT want to be with her anymore, I am way better off without her, but I just miss her. Well, the her that I thought she was, or the her that used to be. 

My problem is, she just stopped loving me. 3 months into the marriage, and together for almost 6 years prior. I just want a reason, something I did, something she did, whatever. I dont even care what it is. Anything. When people ask me what went wrong, Im tired of saying, "I dont know".

I just want to forget everything, and to stop thinking about her all the time. I scheduled my first counseling session for this week, and Im hoping that it helps me, because thats my last option. I dont know, I guess Im just trying to get this out on paper. I want to wake up from this never ending nightmare...


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

try and find someone else quickly so you can move on in life and forget the past. The counsiling lessons hopefully will be a good thing to free your mind.


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## mom2boys (Mar 28, 2010)

I hear you I am in the same boat. My husband of 4 yrs been together for 13 decided he just didnt love me any more no reason given. I do know that work has alot to do with it his work that is. and I think maybe another woman but I have no proof of that. anyways I hope you get to feeling better and I hope I do aswell..


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## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

Thanks for the replies. The problem is that while I know I dont ever want to be with her again, Im still not over her, and honestly now I have a fear that every relationship Im ever in will be like this... I dont want to drag these feelings around with me.. I just wish there was something concrete... like, for example, if I was abusive or drank too much then I would know that all I had to do was change those things and my chances of having a better relationship would improve... this was a total blindside. And I know that alot of guys get blindsided, because they couldnt/wouldnt acknowledge the fact that things were going wrong, but EVERYONE we know was blindsided by this. I saw it coming, kind of, and would sit her down and say, OK whats going on, somethings up with you lately.... Even her closest friends are saying "what the hell is she doing". I guess one of them sent her a lengthy email, no idea what she said, but they still havent talked since. Even her family tried to step in and talk some sense into her. Shes alienating everyone who tries to bring it up. I dont get it, probably never will.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I just watched a surreal movie - Under Tuscan Sun, with Diane Lane. It was surreal because I identified a lot with the heroine - leaving my home with a few boxes, emotionally devastated like you (I still am - and she suffers for 1-2 years). It's about divorce and recovering from it.

In the movie, a friend of her warns if she doesn't do something to move on, that she'll never recover and just be an empty shell of a person. 

Heeding the warning, she takes a trip and on a whim, she buys a house in Tuscany and the story develops from there.

This may be "new agey" in a "The Secret" kind of way but I think you need to put some wishes out there to God, the universe, nature, whatever you beleive in.

God/the Universe etc. wont' always fulfill them the way you think (as per the story) but maybe it does obey our commands. I think maybe it does.

What the old Africna proverb - "Our greatest fear is not that we are powerless, tiny and insignificant. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond belief."

You need to transition off the meds and move on. It's natural to miss her. I miss my stb-x too.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Lifelover,

Sorry that you are going through what you are.. My heart feels for you because last year at this time I was feeling the same way. I was with my wife close to 16 years when she gave me the ole "I need space" line...I tell you it crushed me, to see my family that I was so proud of, destroyed before my eyes. The fear of the unknown, losing all that I had worked so hard to achieve and at 44 wondering whether or not I could ever love again... I still loved my wife dearly when we split, for close to a year I held out hope that things would change, they didn't change... but I did... I took my life back just like you will.. One day I just got fed up with feeling sorry for myself, caring for someone who obviously didn't care for me and thats when it all changed... I knew then that I would be ok.. I didnt need someone in my life to make me happy, I found myself again, I looked in the mirror and truly liked the person I was becoming, more confident,compassionate, more understanding and a better friend to my friends..

You too will feel this all oneday, you cant put a time table on your thoughts and feelings... take it one day at a time my friend..do something for yourself each day, heres a trick I used that helped a great deal..... Wear a rubber band on your wrist, each time you think of the ex. give it a couple snaps... eventually the thoughts will subside, the feelings of loss will slowly go away... Who knows you may even find someone so much better than what you lost..... I did.. :smthumbup:
I bought another house, my relationship with my daughter is better than ever, I am happy again and you will be too.. !!

I wish you the best Lifelover, have faith that you will be happy again !!!! God bless...

Skin...


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## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

Some days I feel like I am already over her, ready to move on.. but other days I think about her and all the happy times we had and it gets me so down.. The bad days arent as bad though. Sometimes I find myself to be surprised at how unaffected I am by the whole thing, just wondering when the sadness will overtake me again. 

I think I am ready to date again (if for no other reason than to distract me), but on top of my newfound low self esteem, Im back living at my moms house... in a couple months Ill have saved up enough to have a nice apt... but what girl out there would have any interest in a guy that lives at his moms haha..

Also, my car is very old, reliable, but old. Its pushing 200k miles, and I know Im gonna need to replace that soon too. So my question is, move out now to give myself a ego boost, or stick it out here and get a new car, and then find an apt? I cant afford to save for both at the same time.. But I think if I even had a girl who was interested in me it would help me alot. I have friends that are girls, one of which I can tell likes me but she has a boyfriend and Im not down with breaking up a couple.

Oh, and our 7 year anniversary is tomorrow... not sure how that day is going to go.. do I text her and acknowledge it? We havent spoken unless it was about divorce stuff, and I know she wouldnt text me, but Im getting this urge like I have to say something to her about it... So many questions! What to do, what to do...


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

The girl interested in you does help. . .not to the degree you may think though.

The girl interested in you is a boost to your self-esteem but your life being in chaos has really nothing to do with a girl being interested in you and becomes a source of unhappiness in and of itself.

In fact, another girl really just does add chaos.

Here is my life post divorce:

1. A *****y ex who is still demanding and trying to be controlling.
2. The kids
3. 2 jobs
4. Aging parents
5. Attorney bills

and now (drum roll)

6. A girlfriend who wants to know where this is going.

Remember what I said about putting those "wishes" out there - the universe obeys your command.

I am not saying dont get a woman - just choose your partner carefully. A friend with benefits is really the best arrangement and beleive it or not, at our age (40's I assume you are), there are women our age just interested in that. It's really the 25-35 year old women who want the ring and relationship.


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