# Man vs Toy....Toy is winning!



## FrustratednOK

Hello. I am new here and wanted to see what you all think about my reason for posting. Please share feedback.

My wife and I have been married for 29 years (together for 31 years) and have 2 adult children. We are both mid 50s. Our sex life has been rather infrequent, 1x every 2-3 months due to careers, kids, and etc. I have worried about my lack of size and stamina, but she said sex with me is fine for her, yet I worry that I do not fully satisfy her.

She was raised in a strict household and, while she says she likes having sex with me, I feel she was taught that sex is for child bearing, yes I hate to sound like that guy, however I am always the one to initiate.

During the past year or two, I would initiate in the morning or at bedtime, when she agreed, she would roll on her side, pull down her shorts and give me a few tugs. That is the extent of foreplay most of the time. Then apply some lube and away we went. I would finish pretty quickly but I would alway use my hand to help her finish, if she wanted me to. I began to lose my erection after awhile. Honestly, while she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever known, I cannot stare at the back of one of my old t shirts she is wearing ( rarely if ever takes it off during sex). That is not sexy, romantic, or appealing to me in any way. Never the less, I lose my manhood sometimes.

In April and May of this year I was working out of town almost weekly. In late May I found a g spot vibrator with clitoral sucker hidden in our closet. USB cord was plugged in, resting on the original box. We have used a vibrator many many years ago but she was not comfortable using it, even together.

Suffice it to say I was shocked when I found the new toy. I read the online reviews and almost every woman said it is the next best thing to breathing clean air. Every woman said that it caused them to ejaculate like no other man before could.

To this day she has never told me of her purchase and she does not know that I found it.

But, I do know that she uses it very frequently when I am away from home. Each week that I am away, it is used and each week that I am home, it is not used. Due to COVID, I alternate weeks at work versus at home.

She is perimenopausal and says she needs time to prep prior to sex. So, no spontaneity at all. Sex is now a calendar event for us.

Simply put, this toy is for her and not us. She has hidden it from me for about 6 months with no plans to tell me. When I initiate, she says she is too tired, although she no longer works but has a social calendar that keeps her busy, and out of the house while I am home....whether AM workouts at the gym, lunch with friends, or girls nights out for dinner. She had a girls night out last night and came home with a great buzz...she immediately went to bed. I knew not to ask for sex. This morning, I knew not to ask for sex. I went to the gym for an hour, and when I came back home, she had already used the toy. No calendar event necessary for the toy. Only prep needed is for her to get up the nerve to have sex with me. This afternoon, as she is leaving to fulfill her social calendar obligations for the day, I ask if we can have some "US" time tonight. Her reply was "Not tonight, I'm really tired".

So finally here is my question. Have I been replaced by the toy? I feel as if she is repulsed by me even being in the same bed with her. If I roll toward her she will roll away. If I initiate she says she is tired. If I leave, bob (battery operated boyfriend) gets to play.

Help me to understand what I should make of all this.

Thank you.


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## ccpowerslave

Toy or no toy 1x every 2-3 months is deader than parachute pants.

I’d just ask her look I know you’re not asexual because of your toy; so what’s the deal? Find out if it’s something she wants to work on with you or if the well really ran dry.


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## Pip’sJourney

You need to talk to her. A toy is much less complicated than actually speaking to you.. so you need to approach it calmly and with out hurt. Perhaps if you used the toy with her that may solve it. Maybe on her girl's night out you could be sitting with it on your lap.. take it from there


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## SunCMars

Fix yourself first. then talk to her.
Go to an Internal Medicine specialist first, to get your hormonal levels checked.

Then, experiment with one of those (now common) ED drugs.
One of them may work.

After taking the pills, experiment with yourself before doing the deed.
You do not want to fail at this
Never tell her you are using pills.

Some women think it is the pills making you horny not that natural desire.
It turns them off.
A shame, this.

You have physical issues, she does not.
She has a right to self pleasure herself.

Yes, I agree, she has selfishly cut you off.

_She likely has given up on you to perform.
She knows it is not a comfortable subject a man can discus._

And, keep your antenna up, she may one day replace the toy with the real item.

Those times she is away from the house on GNO's, drinking with others, etc, are opportune times for her to explore her sexual release options.



_Are Dee-_

At some point you may have to go to a sympathetic urologist.
Many do not like this part of their job. My cousin is a retired urologist, he had much to say on this subject.


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## Ants

FrustratednOK said:


> Hello. I am new here and wanted to see what you all think about my reason for posting. Please share feedback.
> My wife and I have been married for 29 years (together for 31 years) and have 2 adult children. We are both mid 50s. Our sex life has been rather infrequent, 1x every 2-3 months due to careers, kids, and etc. I have worried about my lack of size and stamina, but she said sex with me is fine for her, yet I worry that I do not fully satisfy her.
> She was raised in a strict household and, while she says she likes having sex with me, I feel she was taught that sex is for child bearing, yes I hate to sound like that guy, however I am always the one to initiate.
> During the past year or two, I would initiate in the morning or at bedtime, when she agreed, she would roll on her side, pull down her shorts and give me a few tugs. That is the extent of foreplay most of the time. Then apply some lube and away we went. I would finish pretty quickly but I would alway use my hand to help her finish, if she wanted me to. I began to lose my erection after awhile. Honestly, while she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever known, I cannot stare at the back of one of my old t shirts she is wearing ( rarely if ever takes it off during sex). That is not sexy, romantic, or appealing to me in any way. Never the less, I lose my manhood sometimes.
> In April and May of this year I was working out of town almost weekly. In late May I found a g spot vibrator with clitoral sucker hidden in our closet. USB cord was plugged in, resting on the original box. We have used a vibrator many many years ago but she was not comfortable using it, even together.
> Suffice it to say I was shocked when I found the new toy. I read the online reviews and almost every woman said it is the next best thing to breathing clean air. Every woman said that it caused them to ejaculate like no other man before could.
> To this day she has never told me of her purchase and she does not know that I found it.
> But, I do know that she uses it very frequently when I am away from home. Each week that I am away, it is used and each week that I am home, it is not used. Due to COVID, I alternate weeks at work versus at home.
> She is perimenopausal and says she needs time to prep prior to sex. So, no spontaneity at all. Sex is now a calendar event for us.
> Simply put, this toy is for her and not us. She has hidden it from me for about 6 months with no plans to tell me. When I initiate, she says she is too tired, although she no longer works but has a social calendar that keeps her busy, and out of the house while I am home....whether AM workouts at the gym, lunch with friends, or girls nights out for dinner. She had a girls night out last night and came home with a great buzz...she immediately went to bed. I knew not to ask for sex. This morning, I knew not to ask for sex. I went to the gym for an hour, and when I came back home, she had already used the toy. No calendar event necessary for the toy. Only prep needed is for her to get up the nerve to have sex with me. This afternoon, as she is leaving to fulfill her social calendar obligations for the day, I ask if we can have some "US" time tonight. Her reply was "Not tonight, I'm really tired".
> 
> So finally here is my question. Have I been replaced by the toy? I feel as if she is repulsed by me even being in the same bed with her. If I roll toward her she will roll away. If I initiate she says she is tired. If I leave, bob (battery operated boyfriend) gets to play.
> Help me to understand what I should make of all this.
> 
> Thank you.


Wow-your post is vividly reminding me of my situation with my wife. She loves the womanizer. I bought it for her to masturbate with since she also came from a strict background and hardly masturbated at all. I was hoping it would jump start her libido. Well, she loved it. She let me use it with her once. It made her cum harder than I ever saw her before. She won’t use it with me now, she says it should remain a private thing for her. I think it’s because I could not get over how hard she came with it. I wrongfully assumed she lied to me for years about cumming with me. I made it into a discussion on this site actually, where the ladies explained that there are many forms of female orgasm. anyway, my point is u have to have the conversation. If not, it will eat away at you. She needs to be honest with what’s going on, especially if she’s ignoring you. Learn the lesson from me though. Don’t accuse, don’t be negative. That’s what happened to me and it set our sex life back. It’s ok she uses it. My opinion she should be able to communicate with u about it. Let her know that you are hurt, not by her using the clit sucker but that u guys are not intimate much anymore. Use it as an opportunity to remind her of how sexy she is and how much u still want her. Maybe if th3 talk goes well u can suggest rubbing her G spot while she uses it! ill bet she thinks you will be jealous. Let her know it’s ok, but that u want to play too. Good luck and don’t let it turn into a fight. If she gets combative drop it and walk away. She will come back to u in time to talk…once she realizes your not mad or upset and that u desire her very much still!,,


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## manfromlamancha

The next time you plan to have sex, use the toy on her without warning. See if that works.


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## Mr.Married

Does your wife get butt hurt every time you jerk off? Surely you need to be held accountable for your masterbation !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😈

Dude ...... the toy is not the issue. Your bed life sounds boring as all hell. If I were your wife I would likely do the same thing she is. As the man it is your job to get the bedroom back straight. If she is unwilling to participate then you have your answer .... you are too boring to fack. Either face the issue like a bull in a China shop or just continue to be a fart in the wind. Up to you.


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## theloveofmylife

To be blunt, it sounds like she doesn't enjoy sex with you, but she also doesn't want to hurt your feelings. That's why you get the quarterly quickie, just to keep things in good standing (IOW, you can't say she never gives you any). 

While masturbation is normal and even healthy, I don't think it's appropriate when it replaces partnered sex with one's spouse. It shouldn't be 'instead of,' at least not on a regular basis. Still, I would leave that part alone for the moment.

Do you kiss her and touch her even when it isn't leading to sex? At other times, do you just passionately kiss her and see if anything develops or do you just ask for sex? Do you talk about making it more interesting? Do you romance her ever?

Maybe try kicking it up a notch in (and out of) bed and see what happens. And, if she just rolls over and lowers her shorts, don't let that be the end of it. Gently remove them then her shirt, kissing all along the way. Tell her how beautiful and sexy she is. Tease her. Pleasure her. Try new positions/ locations etc.

If all else fails, you could always -talk- to her too.


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## FrustratednOK

Thank you for your replies. It is helpful. 
I have visited a doctor and found T level around 700 lower than it should be. Am taking T therapynow and it is a huge improvement in my overall health. I have a fan weight training and conditioning, watching my diet, and see an overall improvement.
I went back to same doctor for checkup and discussed with him. He sent me home with a temporary injection that gave me an erection. Thank goodness I did not have a wreck or was asked “to please step out of the vehicle” on the way home.
Once at home, she was shocked. Angry really. I told her why I chose the treatment and she told me to go take care of it. I told her the erection doesn’t go away once I have my orgasm. Though frustrated, she led me to the bedroom and reluctantly agreed to have sex. Upon entering the bed, she said” I am not doing this for me”. Am I wrong to speculate that a woman might love to have a man with an extended erection? Isn’t that the purpose for all the ED medications available?
It is a good thing I had the dr induced erection because those words turned me off like a light switch. We had sex until we both had 1 orgasm each and were done. I sat around the house for 5 1/2 hours until the erection subsided.
I have never returned to the doctor after that episode.
I have no issue with her masturbation. It is natural…for both of us. I am glad she is using the toy as I think it helps her to relieve stress, explore and become comfortable with her own body and maybe gain confidence in her own abilities to ejaculte when she orgasms.
The problem is this. I feel hurt because she shows little to no interest in initiating sex with me, yet waits until I reach the end of the driveway before running to the closet. What should I make of this?


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## In Absentia

Toy is definitely winning... but it doesn't surprise me.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Ah hell, take a trip to your local Adult toy store, buy a couple more toys WITH her, and express to her kindly and enthusiastically that you want to increase frequency wholeheartedly. Definitely don't go all judgemental or accusatory on her. Don't, don't, don't do that.

This can be a good thing if played right. Don't say anything negative about yourself either, that's a sad way to handle it and is not productive.


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## Mybabysgotit

theloveofmylife said:


> While masturbation is normal and even healthy, *I don't think it's appropriate when it replaces partnered sex with one's spouse*. It shouldn't be 'instead of,' at least not on a regular basis. Still, I would leave that part alone for the moment.


Totally agree with this, although I have a feeling that it's not "instead of". If she didn't have the vibrator, I doubt that they would be having more sex.


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## Deejo

I dunno. Maybe I'm reading it wrong. But seems to me you have a respect issue, not a toy issue.


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## HappilyMarried1

Sorry @FrustratednOK I am in my mid 50's and had the same issues I have to take testosterone injections every two weeks mine is so bad. I may be totally off base and trust me I really hope I am but could it be possibly more than just the toy? Did she do all this stuff of being out even when you are at home with the gym and GNO and social stuff before the past 6 months since you found the toy's? 

I agree with what the others have said try to step up your game and your love life. If nothing changes then you've been together for over 30 years I would hope you could sit her down and say hey you are tired and basically do not want to have sex with me and have numerous excuses why she won't but is using these toy's countless times without any problem and I would ask if there is also someone else. As I said I hope I am wrong but if there could be something else going on with all the time out without you and also with you being gone every other week but there could also be something else besides the toy that is getting her attention it has happened a lot at the age and after years of marriage. I hope it is totally off base but if there could be any possibility you could like stated by others up your game try to have sex more often but don't confront and do some checking on things. Some examples are a VAR, GPS in car or hide in house when you are gone a hidden camera or even a PI for a month and if it is nothing else (Hope it wouldn't be) then have a talk still about why she can use the toy any time and numerous times but can't or won't with you. Best of luck!


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## Evinrude58

You “ask for sex”…..
I’ve never asked in my life. I’ve instigated and been told no a few times.
If I were in a relationship where I felt I had to ask, or was made to feel I would get an automatic rejection, I’ll be honest what I would do: I’d leave her. The right thing would be to leave her and find someone else. But the level of disrespect your wife is showing might drive me to reverse the process out of spite.

There are several problems with your relationship. No Sex is just a Symptom of the real problem— lack of respect and romantic desire for you by your wife. I don’t know if either are fixable, but if so, fix those and the sex would return. She clearly wants sex, just not with you.


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## Tdbo

FrustratednOK said:


> Thank you for your replies. It is helpful.
> I have visited a doctor and found T level around 700 lower than it should be. Am taking T therapynow and it is a huge improvement in my overall health. I have a fan weight training and conditioning, watching my diet, and see an overall improvement.
> I went back to same doctor for checkup and discussed with him. He sent me home with a temporary injection that gave me an erection. Thank goodness I did not have a wreck or was asked “to please step out of the vehicle” on the way home.
> Once at home, she was shocked. Angry really. I told her why I chose the treatment and she told me to go take care of it. I told her the erection doesn’t go away once I have my orgasm. Though frustrated, she led me to the bedroom and reluctantly agreed to have sex. Upon entering the bed, she said” I am not doing this for me”. Am I wrong to speculate that a woman might love to have a man with an extended erection? Isn’t that the purpose for all the ED medications available?
> It is a good thing I had the dr induced erection because those words turned me off like a light switch. We had sex until we both had 1 orgasm each and were done. I sat around the house for 5 1/2 hours until the erection subsided.
> I have never returned to the doctor after that episode.
> I have no issue with her masturbation. It is natural…for both of us. I am glad she is using the toy as I think it helps her to relieve stress, explore and become comfortable with her own body and maybe gain confidence in her own abilities to ejaculte when she orgasms.
> The problem is this. I feel hurt because she shows little to no interest in initiating sex with me, yet waits until I reach the end of the driveway before running to the closet. What should I make of this?


Forget about the sex, you have a larger issue than that.
It would appear that your wife has no respect for you.
She has her social life, her GNO's (you might want to look into these), and her wireless WANG.
You are so far down the list that it is sad.
You need to find your balls and put them to use.
Take charge. Put her on defense.
You need to study up on and implement the 180.
You need to go out with friends and have regular BNO's.
Build a life without her. She seems to think that that is appropriate.
You need to serve her back the indifference that she has shown you.
You should be a priority instead of an option.
You need to read this:









Robert Glover No More Mr Nice Guy : Robert Glover : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive


Self Help



archive.org





You need to no longer tolerate her disrespect.
If your sex life is truly that horrible, she needs to realize that she is 50% responsible for it.
Go to the adult toy store.
Pick out your "Replacement" for her.
That's fair, after all, she replaced you.
She can only treat you like crap with your permission.
Take charge of your destiny.
I'd also do a consult with an attorney and see what life would be without her.
Knowledge is power. Find out your options.


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## DownByTheRiver

FrustratednOK said:


> Hello. I am new here and wanted to see what you all think about my reason for posting. Please share feedback.
> 
> My wife and I have been married for 29 years (together for 31 years) and have 2 adult children. We are both mid 50s. Our sex life has been rather infrequent, 1x every 2-3 months due to careers, kids, and etc. I have worried about my lack of size and stamina, but she said sex with me is fine for her, yet I worry that I do not fully satisfy her.
> 
> She was raised in a strict household and, while she says she likes having sex with me, I feel she was taught that sex is for child bearing, yes I hate to sound like that guy, however I am always the one to initiate.
> 
> During the past year or two, I would initiate in the morning or at bedtime, when she agreed, she would roll on her side, pull down her shorts and give me a few tugs. That is the extent of foreplay most of the time. Then apply some lube and away we went. I would finish pretty quickly but I would alway use my hand to help her finish, if she wanted me to. I began to lose my erection after awhile. Honestly, while she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever known, I cannot stare at the back of one of my old t shirts she is wearing ( rarely if ever takes it off during sex). That is not sexy, romantic, or appealing to me in any way. Never the less, I lose my manhood sometimes.
> 
> In April and May of this year I was working out of town almost weekly. In late May I found a g spot vibrator with clitoral sucker hidden in our closet. USB cord was plugged in, resting on the original box. We have used a vibrator many many years ago but she was not comfortable using it, even together.
> 
> Suffice it to say I was shocked when I found the new toy. I read the online reviews and almost every woman said it is the next best thing to breathing clean air. Every woman said that it caused them to ejaculate like no other man before could.
> 
> To this day she has never told me of her purchase and she does not know that I found it.
> 
> But, I do know that she uses it very frequently when I am away from home. Each week that I am away, it is used and each week that I am home, it is not used. Due to COVID, I alternate weeks at work versus at home.
> 
> She is perimenopausal and says she needs time to prep prior to sex. So, no spontaneity at all. Sex is now a calendar event for us.
> 
> Simply put, this toy is for her and not us. She has hidden it from me for about 6 months with no plans to tell me. When I initiate, she says she is too tired, although she no longer works but has a social calendar that keeps her busy, and out of the house while I am home....whether AM workouts at the gym, lunch with friends, or girls nights out for dinner. She had a girls night out last night and came home with a great buzz...she immediately went to bed. I knew not to ask for sex. This morning, I knew not to ask for sex. I went to the gym for an hour, and when I came back home, she had already used the toy. No calendar event necessary for the toy. Only prep needed is for her to get up the nerve to have sex with me. This afternoon, as she is leaving to fulfill her social calendar obligations for the day, I ask if we can have some "US" time tonight. Her reply was "Not tonight, I'm really tired".
> 
> So finally here is my question. Have I been replaced by the toy? I feel as if she is repulsed by me even being in the same bed with her. If I roll toward her she will roll away. If I initiate she says she is tired. If I leave, bob (battery operated boyfriend) gets to play.
> 
> Help me to understand what I should make of all this.
> 
> Thank you.


Well, you're certainly being supplemented by one. But I don't think her using it is why she's not having sex with you. It's way easier to get off masturbating for many women than it is depending on the mood to be right, the prevailing sentiment domestically to be right, and the technique to be right. It's quick too. If you took Bob away, I predict nothing would change in your sex frequency because there is always doing it yourself with your fingers, and most people DO masturbate, men and women. 

So my sympathies and the lack of frequency, but don't blame Bob. You should let her know that staring at her back in one of your t-shirts does absolutely nothing for you. It's probably never crossed her mind. Bob doesn't care about that type stuff, you know. Or you could take it off her and then say, "Staring at the back of one of my t-shirts during sex makes my penis go dead, so if you don't mind...." 

Or lie to her and tell her you have a cramp in your side or wherever from doing it the same way each time and say, "Mind if we change positions?" 

She seems compliant enough, but kind of clueless!


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## Evinrude58

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, you're certainly being supplemented by one. But I don't think her using it is why she's not having sex with you. It's way easier to get off masturbating for many women than it is depending on the mood to be right, the prevailing sentiment domestically to be right, and the technique to be right. It's quick too. If you took Bob away, I predict nothing would change in your sex frequency because there is always doing it yourself with your fingers, and most people DO masturbate, men and women.
> 
> So my sympathies and the lack of frequency, but don't blame Bob. You should let her know that staring at her back in one of your t-shirts does absolutely nothing for you. It's probably never crossed her mind. Bob doesn't care about that type stuff, you know. Or you could take it off her and then say, "Staring at the back of one of my t-shirts during sex makes my penis go dead, so if you don't mind...."
> 
> Or lie to her and tell her you have a cramp in your side or wherever from doing it the same way each time and say, "Mind if we change positions?"
> 
> *She seems compliant enough,* but kind of clueless!


wait,WHAT? She’s compliant enough???? Lol


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## DownByTheRiver

I meant whenever he attempted sex with her, on their limited frequency, she was going along with it. I didn't really hear him saying she was refusing sex but maybe that's what he meant.


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## Evinrude58

Limited frequency…… 😋


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## In Absentia

Once every 2-3 months staring at her back in a shirt... that's what I call a satisfying sex life!


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## Blondilocks

You need to have a real conversation with her. Lay it all out. Tell her that you're happy she has sorted out her sex life and you want to do the same. However; you require a real, live, breathing woman. Is she ok with you getting a girlfriend? Bear in mind that she may tell you that if you don't like it you know where the door is. 

Is this situation a deal breaker for you?

(I would be so tempted to remove the battery before the next trip)


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