# Sexual Narcissism



## DownByTheRiver

Since we're frequently on this subject, this article may offer some thoughts about what is underlying it. 









How to Recognize Sexual Narcissism — and What to Do Next


Whether you're involved with someone who shows signs of sexual narcissism or re-evaluating your own ideas around sex, we've got answers to your questions.




www.healthline.com


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## Personal

DownByTheRiver said:


> *Since we're frequently on this subject*, this article may offer some thoughts about what is underlying it.


Are we frequently on this subject at all?

_"These behaviors persist, showing up consistently rather than occasionally, but they appear in the context of sexual interactions and relationships instead of all areas of life. 

A partner with sexual narcissism may: 
_

_believe they deserve sex and have a right to demand it whenever they want, even if you’re working, sleeping, or occupied with something else_
_expect sex in return for gifts or favors_
_feel perfectly willing to trick, deceive, or manipulate you into having sex_
_care little about what you want in bed_
_need a lot of validation and admiration for their sexual performance_
_believe they have superior sexual skills and that everyone else considers them fantastic sexual partners_
_react poorly when you refuse sex or fail to offer enough praise and approval_
_put you down, often to manipulate you more easily_
_feel bothered or dissatisfied by the idea that others are having more sex or better sex than they are_
_The belief they deserve sex when they want it may lead them to have sex outside your relationship. They might justify this behavior and you may feel as if it’s your fault for not making yourself available for sex."_

Of which let us address those bullet points in order.

_believe they deserve sex and have a right to demand it whenever they want, even if you’re working, sleeping, or occupied with something else_
No one deserves to share sex, and no one should be entitled to the sharing of any sex at all.

Likewise no one ought to be forced to or feel compelled to share sex with anyone they don't want to in any instance, no matter what relationship they have with that person.

That said since a person owns their own sexuality, if they are in a relationship that is nominally sexual, yet their sexual partner doesn't want to share sex with them, at anywhere near the same frequency or at all. They should feel free to try to seek sex consensual with others who want to share sex with them, in order to satiate their sexual desires, either after ending that relationship or even while maintaining it. Of course applying the principles of informed consent, since cheating is poor form. While also appreciating that consensual non-monogamy is on the other hand perfectly decent behaviour.

_expect sex in return for gifts or favors_
If the sharing of sex is a component of a transactional sexual relationship like prostitution. Then expecting sex in return for mutually agreed gifts or favours, makes that expectation in that agreed and consensual context perfectly reasonable.

On the other hand at least in my experience, sharing great sex (as opposed to mediocre sex) tends to generate the desire to share more great sex. Doing unrelated things like washing dishes, cooking meals or mowing the lawn etc, do little through nothing to generate much if any sexual desire at all. That said doing chores and pulling ones own weight etc if able, is simply what a person ought to be doing as an adult.

_feel perfectly willing to trick, deceive, or manipulate you into having sex_
Which is appalling behaviour.

Just like being perfectly willing to trick, deceive or manipulate you into not having sex, is also appalling behaviour.

_care little about what you want in bed_
That approach is not going to get someone very far in the long run. Since if the sex sux for the other person, then they won't want to share more of it.

That said only caring about what the other person wants in bed to ones own loss, also doesn't bode well either.

_need a lot of validation and admiration for their sexual performance_
I figure for those who have some sort of self-esteem issue, validation and admiration for sexual performance may be what they desire. That said by the same token there are plenty of people who just want to share sex plentifully, because they enjoy what sharing sex feels like.

_believe they have superior sexual skills and that everyone else considers them fantastic sexual partners_
No doubt there are some people who have a natural talent in sharing sex and are actually really good at it. At the same time there are of course, some people who are really bad at sharing sex no matter how much practice they get. While most of everybody else falls somewhere in-between. I have some experience of being with all of those sort of people, they are all out there.

That said yes some people are variously correct, informed, well balanced, mistaken, misinformed, all the way through to being completely delusional. At the end of the day there are some people who are good at it and know it. While there are others who think they're good at it, when they are not. Given people being human none of that is a surprise at all.

_react poorly when you refuse sex or fail to offer enough praise and approval_
That kind of response is a great way to limit anyones desire to share sex with the person who is reacting poorly, this really isn't rocket surgery.

_put you down, often to manipulate you more easily_
Yep, that isn't a good approach either.

_feel bothered or dissatisfied by the idea that others are having more sex or better sex than they are_
We have see that here on limited occasion, oddly enough mostly as a retrospective thing apparently.

That said for those who do feel that way, they would do well to get a grip and get over themselves. At the end of the day if their current partner has enjoyed a richer sex life before being with them. While they didn't enjoy such times, then that's on the person who didn't paint the town colourfully, not on the person who did (and good for them I hope they enjoyed themselves).


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## In Absentia

Personal said:


> Are we frequently on this subject at all?


Lately, yes...


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## Rayr44

I was once diagnosed as a narcissistic sociopath, but after a lot of hard work and a change in perspective, the doctor agreed I was just a sexy genius!


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## BigDaddyNY

DownByTheRiver said:


> Since we're frequently on this subject, this article may offer some thoughts about what is underlying it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> How to Recognize Sexual Narcissism — and What to Do Next
> 
> 
> Whether you're involved with someone who shows signs of sexual narcissism or re-evaluating your own ideas around sex, we've got answers to your questions.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.healthline.com


Well, good news is I'm the opposite of every one of those bullet points. 

I also think other than some people being a bit boastful I don't see any of this from the people who post here.


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## Benbutton

Great, another excuse for untrained, pseudo- psychologists to label people with another type of narcissistic disorder.


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## Numb26

Benbutton said:


> Great, another excuse for untrained, pseudo- psychologists to label people with another type of narcissistic disorder.


People do love their labels, don't they?


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## ConanHub

Hmm. I could be labeled one for I do check off a couple of boxes, especially the "entitled to sex" with my wife part.

Fortunately, Mrs C has bought into the delusions of grandeur.😉


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## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> Hmm. I could be labeled one for I do check off a couple of boxes, especially the "entitled to sex" with my wife part.
> 
> Fortunately, Mrs C has bought into the delusions of grandeur.😉


Few boxes check here too but I always make sure my partners are satisfied. 😉


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## ccpowerslave

I’m not sure what people this is supposed to apply to.


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## BigDaddyNY

ccpowerslave said:


> I’m not sure what people this is supposed to apply to.


My guess is men.


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## In Absentia

I think I check the last box...


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## Numb26

BigDaddyNY said:


> My guess is men.


That was my thinking too. Another jab


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## ConanHub

In Absentia said:


> I think I check the last box...


That's the benefit of being delusional.😋(Talking about myself of course, joke)

That last point seems a counter to Narcissism though doesn't it?

How could a narcissist check off that last one?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

ConanHub said:


> That's the benefit of being delusional.😋
> 
> That last point seems a counter to Narcissism though doesn't it?
> 
> How could a narcissist check off that last one?


Who am I and where am I? 

My delusional moment.

🙂🙂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## lifeistooshort

Numb26 said:


> People do love their labels, don't they?


My kids father fit a lot of these descriptions.

I just figured he was an ass.

But maybe I'm being unfair to asses?


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## DownByTheRiver

lifeistooshort said:


> My kids father fit a lot of these descriptions.
> 
> I just figured he was an ass.
> 
> But maybe I'm being unfair to asses?


Being an entitled ahole it's definitely being somewhere on the scale of having some narcissism.


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## Bulfrog1987

I’m SO over people labeling every selfishly boastful person a narcissist. Everyone of us has some trait of that awful disorder. Some more than others, it doesn’t automatically make anyone. 

🙄


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