# I don't need advice, just a time machine.



## Jajo85 (Mar 19, 2015)

I have gone through such a rolling storm in coming to the conclusion to get a divorced.
Consoling failed, my trying to just accept it as life and be happy didn't work. Honestly, in hindsight I can see our relationship heading sharply downhill before we even got married.
My husband seems to think that our problems can be solved with money. Aka. Him buying me things, or a night out. 
He has never accepted that the fact we don't talk to each other means terrible horrible death to a marriage.
I have talked to him about why I'm unhappy, and he would get emotional and say how sad that makes him, but never change his actions, I've tried upfront, roundabout, snide, all sorts of ways to make him understand how important working on our marriage is, he doesn't seem to get it, or if he does get it, doesn't act on it. I have given him only 2 books to read, mmsl, and the five love languages, he never even opened either of them.

I now see only one scenario where it could maybe work, 
He learns how to have a back and forth conversation about real life AND he quits his night job, stops smoking, drinking so much, and passive-aggressively avoiding familial relationships, reignites close friendships, starts brushing his teeth and showering daily, and follows through on commitments.

So clearly I need to move on. Because that's requiring him to become a whole different person. And I feel very foolish because I married him this way. I thought marriages took love, commitment and having fun, I never thought about actually compatibility.

And I'm at the age where I want children, and he isn't a man I could co-parent with.

My biggest hindrance to finally leaving this unsatisifing relationship behind, is that I have a home daycare, and I will be the one moving out.
I'm terrified I will lose my livelyhood because I'm divorcing him, that the families wouldn't want a divorced woman without kids of her own, who is living in a rental house with her sister, watching their kids anymore. Then i wouldn't be able to pay bills, or save for a home of my own. I would have to get a retail job, which would set me back years professionally, as well as make it pretty much impossible to have kids in the foreseeable future.
Also I love the children I care for, and unlike most divorces involving children, the kids might not be a part of my life anymore.

Its extremely scary to be planning on uprooting every part of my life by saying "I'm divorcing you"
House, career, and relationships at the same time.

On top of it all, I feel insane because there is a small part of me that loves him, not for the future, or the last few years, but for the good times in the beginning. And that part doesn't want to hurt him.


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## Amorous (May 14, 2015)

I would guess it would depend on your attitude if divorce scares off your customers, if anything some women wouldn't feel comfortable a woman without kids taking care of her own or leaving them around a guy and you are already doing that, so by having another woman around, no males and other kids even if they are not your own you will attract new customers.

You sound like you feel you would be better off with kids, you wouldn't. Embrace your fresh start, not everyone out there has the luxury to start over, it's as close as it gets to a time machine!


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You married your husband, hoping that he will change. Many women do hope to change their husbands after they marry. Some may change in one way or another. Most men don't change.

I am a woman, married for 35 years (first marriage for the both of us), and a career woman. In some behaviors my husband has changed. The majority of his behaviors have not. 

See a marriage counselor to sort out your relationship with your husband. Sometimes, counselling can improve the marriage. If anything else, you'll know that you have exhausted all your avenues before divorcing.


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