# The affect of a negative (fake) friend on a marriage



## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

I'm sooo pissed just thinking about it: 
how can i summarize this? I need feedback and let me know if you have questions.

Basically, there is a lady that my wife considers a good friend who she has known for over 15 years. 

My wife and I have only been married for close to 2 years

At first it seemed like her friend, lets call her Beth, was a cool normal person who was a positive influence on our relationship. But overtime, i started to see things about her that would disturb me:

-she gossiped to us about confidential info her friends told her (my wife confides in her knowingly or not) what does she tell other people about us?
....in fact let me cut to the chase and state what really tipped me off to why i think she is dangerous and crazy:

I think she secretly disliked that, my wife, fell in love with me and then we got married and now have a newborn. 

This lady who is 20 years our senior seems to have hidden motives that my wife has not picked up on.

after my wife gave birth, she experienced post partum and started reaching out to Beth. My wife talked about how she wants her mother in law (my mom) to go home, how she feels like she's in jail, she doesn't want to bottle feed the baby amongst other things. Normally, my wife is smart and fights to ensure that we are always together and she doesn't want to be separated. 

But Beth started to use this opportunity to feed negative advice to my wife. 
"Kick his mother out, kick your husband out, he's crazy, i don't think this relationship is going to work, etc" She was doing this then smiling in my face not knowing I over heard a bunch of things she said as well as notice how my wife would leave to go to another room to listen to chat. I would stick my head around the corner and listen to how Beth would weeks later, get my wife over excited and make her focus on what she thought was a negative experience. 

Lets take a break and come back:

I've noticed these weird patterns about Beth such as:
-she gives too many gifts mostly to my wife - its ok to give a gift here and there - but every few weeks?
-She wants to delve into our daily business (lets go to dinner, what did you do last week, etc)

Beth is 60 year old, opinionated person with money who thinks the world revolves around her. She is 20 years older than us!!
Beth said that she's a fixer and that if she doesn't like something, she tries to fix it which can include our relationship, writing a letter to a governor, making noise - - 
I am always quiet and laidback around her which was actually a plus. 
But now I really think she is dangerous and she is envious of our relationship.
My wife currently thinks she a nice old lady who may have helped her in the past.
She doesn't see these patterns - and I want to talk to my wife but I don't feel that she can comprehend what I see. 

Do we go and see a counselor? I don't need one. I can explain it to her.
Or should I address Beth directly and let her know that I do not want to have anything to do with her and that she is detrimental to our family.
I've been slowly giving hints as my wife has been getting back to her normal self but I still have to be cautious because she's not 100% back.

More noticable patterns:
-Beth has keys to our house and acts like its hers. 
I just bought new locks today and will be putting them in this weekend. 

-Beth is not related to my wife but expected us to call her immediately when the baby was born or answer all her calls after birth. I shrugged it off because she wasn't a priority compared to blood relatives and just thought that that was part of her harmless personality. 

Ok...final example out of 50:
Beth told my mother that my wife's mother is un-educated and she should watch how she talks to them. When my wife's mother was there, Beth would smile in her face and act like they're best friends.

Beth told my wife's mother negative things and then smiled in my mothers face.
She was trying to prevent both of them from liking each other.

What should I do: 
approach Beth and tell her to step off despite my wife thinking she's a good ole lady. Or tell my wife everything. Yeah I should be able to communicate 100% w/my wife but right now I don't think her head is fully on. 

My life, our relationship and our newborn baby's life is in jeopardy because of this old lady interfering and playing mind tricks on my wife. 

Two days after fathers' day, she sent a gift to me through my wife and told my wife that I don't have to act sheepish around her. WTF. Why didn't she give the late gift directly to me. I instructed my wife not to talk about me to her and that I'm not interested in any gifts. I'm currently focused on us and our family and I want to cut down on gifts and libations. 

My wife was like why won't you accept her gifts? She's just trying to be nice.

Beth is evil and I need advice.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She sounds like a real gossipy, narcissistic, battle axe. Problem is, this is your wife's friend and you don't seriously have much to say about who your wife likes. You said your wife was smart. If that's true, she sees all the unflattering traits that you see. Despite what Broom Hilda says about you or your MIL, your wife hasn't kicked you or her mother out of her life. Apparently, your wife is smart enough to not give great weight to this bat's opinions. Still, your wife is getting something from this relationship or it wouldn't have endured 15 years. Even if you change the locks, what prevents your wife from giving her a new key? 
Evil people eventually see to their own destruction. I suspect this woman will violate your wife's trust in a big way and these two buddies will part ways. I'm surprised this hasn't happened already.
You can't bust on Broom Hilda without causing trouble with your wife. They have a 15 year history and you and wife have only 2 years. It'll be tough, but I suggest you figure out a way to make nice with this old busybody. For one, it's just being respectful to your wife to be nice to her friends. Secondly, if your wife has to hear Broom Hilda's opinions about you, she might as well hear positive things. 
These two have a very close relationship. In such relationships, people trust each other enough to say whatever pops into their minds. They can say stupid and even potentially offensive things to each other without harming the relationship. These words would seem shockingly uncaring to an outsider.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I think your W, as UB said, is smart enough to not take seriously Beth's rants. Of course, the PPD had a lot to do with you W's recent behavior, and Beth, perhaps unknowingly, was taking advantage of this. She probably feels a little overprotective of your W (her age hints towards a "big sister" complex), and probably deep down felt that your W could "do better".

As far as the gift, she may be trying to make amends the only way she knows how (excessive gift-giving), but went through your W because she felt awkward talking directly to you.

Talk to your W about this before you lower the boom on Beth, and definitely before you change the locks, she has to know your complete take on this-before Beth once again tries convincing your W and anyone else who will listen that you're a psychotic abuser who is trying to isolate your W from her friends and family.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

This is not good. Its like being married to 2 people. 
Beth wants to run my wife's life and is too intrusive.

This is not healthy to be in a relationship where outside forces have influence. Deep down its like I don't want to be around if this person is. I do not feel comfortable and think that Beth may do something negative towards me, our child or just to get my wife back under her wings. Its usually those type of people that act out of character when they are extremely jealous or lose control.

I also don't feel comfortable because this lady has all access to our house. Who knows what she is doing when we are on vacation. (the keys i just bought can not be duplicated w/o me knowing)

I do want to talk to my wife about this. 
what really also bothers me is: 
my wife wants to have another child soon.
In no way am i interested in having another child with this environment in place. This is crazy!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A wife having at least one very close female friend is not unusual or threatening. Back in cave man days, women stayed in the camp and supported each other while the men went to hunt or watch the superbowl or whatever other manly pursuits cavemen engaged in. Women truck off to the bathroom together for a reason. This intergender intimacy is a need men don't really have and really can't appreciate. You can't buck millions of years of evolution. You can learn to work it to your own advantage. This woman is not a threat. She serves a different need. She isn't the father of your wife's child. She doesn't provide your wife with security. Your wife has needs you are not designed to meet. Your wife has needs Broom Hilda can't meet. No reason you two can't stay in your own prospective lanes and both remain supportive of your wife. You already have something in common....you both enjoy your wife's company. 
My wife has a really close friend who happens to be a gay male workmate. At first, I was a little hurt and maybe threatened at their friendship and my stubborness caused flak between the wife and I. I got to know the guy and now he isn't "her" friend, he's "our" friend. I could have given her the "it's him or me" jazz and I would have looked like a controlling, insecure jerk, creating more distance between us when my goal was to strengthen our marriage.


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## firsttimer25 (Oct 14, 2010)

What bothers you most? Is it that she is sharing inside information about your marriage/life? Do you trust what she's telling this woman or are you trying to keep her from sharing with her friend?




unbelievable said:


> A wife having at least one very close female friend is not unusual or threatening. Back in cave man days, women stayed in the camp and supported each other while the men went to hunt or watch the superbowl or whatever other manly pursuits cavemen engaged in. Women truck off to the bathroom together for a reason. This intergender intimacy is a need men don't really have and really can't appreciate. You can't buck millions of years of evolution. You can learn to work it to your own advantage. This woman is not a threat. She serves a different need. She isn't the father of your wife's child. She doesn't provide your wife with security. Your wife has needs you are not designed to meet. Your wife has needs Broom Hilda can't meet. No reason you two can't stay in your own prospective lanes and both remain supportive of your wife. You already have something in common....you both enjoy your wife's company.
> My wife has a really close friend who happens to be a gay male workmate. At first, I was a little hurt and maybe threatened at their friendship and my stubborness caused flak between the wife and I. I got to know the guy and now he isn't "her" friend, he's "our" friend. I could have given her the "it's him or me" jazz and I would have looked like a controlling, insecure jerk, creating more distance between us when my goal was to strengthen our marriage.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Despite what Broom Hilda says about you or your MIL said:


> In fact, my wife doesn't really respect her mother fully -she holds this fake friend in high regard up to a point where she even calls her 'Momma beth' - - so sickening, especially when she does it in front of her real mother.
> 
> 2nd, my wife had a great relationship w/my mother (MIL) but after Beth spit some fire into the equation, my wife dislikes my mother intensely. This can be blamed to post partum and Beth taking advantage. I have no respect for Beth and will lose it for my wife if she can't get herself to see this and change.
> 
> I have been extremely positive towards my wife but I can not stand to be around Beth. I try not to show it but its being seen by my wife because I decline going to have lunch with Beth.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I had to be the 'bad person' and take action to get people like this out of our married life.

The fact that my H had so many people around him like this was concerning. Included among them was his affair partner and her family members. 

It doesn't bode well for a marriage when the legitimate concerns of the spouse about third parties are not taken seriously. 

Those people might be part of spouse's life, but they have no place in the marriage. If they try to enter the marriage, the door should be slammed shut in their face if they don't take the hints that they aren't welcome. If they are already in, if they don't take the hint of being shown the open door, they need less subtle disinvitations, such as a symbolic booting.

No-contact letter, cease harassment letter, restraining order, call blocking, return of mail, etc. 

Usually it's because they have untreated mental illness. In which case, setting clear boundaries is the humane thing to do. The more you let them trample upon your sacred ground, the more they despise you for being the sort of person who allows that to happen, and then the more they do it because they despise you and want to ruin your happiness that they don't have because you allow them to do things that they know are insane and embarassing. 

Life is a lot better without these people around. The issue is the upheaval that's caused by getting them out. It's worth it in the long run though.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

I've noticed that my wife has issues with sharing information: its ok to share stuff but when i noticed she shares intimate details or details that will portray a person as negative then that really bothered me. Especially when she does this with people that she doesn't know have bad intentions. 

I don't understand - my wife is smart but she can be too trusting with everyone. Thus I think Beth has taken advantage of this as she knows intimate info on my wife's previous relationship and other things in general. I am so bothered about Beth.

To answer your question:
I'm bothered by the information my wife shares with Beth and others - - she obviously can't differentiate what is appropriate and what isn't. But when it comes to info on her, I can and do not share w/others. If I did, it would bother her. 

Its ok to brag about your husband or tell funny stories but when they are taken out of context because they were told wrong or shouldn't even have been mentioned then there's an issue.




firsttimer25 said:


> What bothers you most? Is it that she is sharing inside information about your marriage/life? Do you trust what she's telling this woman or are you trying to keep her from sharing with her friend?
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

She is toxic and not marriage friendly for your marriage. I see problems here for sure. It is going to be tough. It is not like you can tell your wife she must go NC. It is going to take work and finesse to minimize the negative impact of this third person in your marriage.

BUT, I absolutely agree that you should change the locks. You should not do it as a surprise to anyone, however but you must insist on it. Talk to your wife. Your wife has no default right to give anyone a key to your house withotu your agreement. The same applies to you. Had you bioth agreed to do give this lady a key or was it just provided by your wife?

Your wife may be smart but she is enabling this person. If she is saying things to your wife like kick out your husband he is crazy and this is more than a stupid one time comment about a specific situation then you have reason to talk this out with your wife.

You do not have to accept presents from anyone. It does make sense that seh would give the present to your wife though in my opinion. If the situation was revered would you want your friends giving presents to your wife?


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

My wife doesn't know how distraught i am with this situation. Its affected my view of her temporarily, I'm not interested in sex and I def. don't want to bring another child into this world in this type of environment. However, i've remained positive and have been working for 'smart' in getting her back to her normal self. Once thats done we need to address these things. One thing we never did before we got married was see a marriage counselor which i am told is a good idea so we know what to expect. Is that true? Should we find a good one?


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Great feedback!

To answer your questions:
-Beth aka Broom Hilda has given me numerous gifts including a gold chain that she said belonged to her father which i promptly returned as it didn't feel comfortable. She gives me clothes, buys food, etc - - she told my mother that she's going to take care of us...doesn't that sound strange? Take care of a 40+ year old married couple w/baby? 

I will talk to my wife about this as its certain behavior of her friend that I've seen over the last year that has started to add up. 

I totally agree that my wife is enabling her.
Now Broom Hilda is asking my wife or bother her, stressing her indirectly about me - -"why is he sheepish around me"
ohh...i wish i could be direct but have to do this smartly due to the situation (post partum, new baby, stuck out in a new city w/no real childhood friends)..i'm so distraught that i'm in this situation but i'm confident that I will survive and hopefully things can get better.





Entropy3000 said:


> She is toxic and not marriage friendly for your marriage. I see problems here for sure. It is going to be tough. It is not like you can tell your wife she must go NC. It is going to take work and finesse to minimize the negative impact of this third person in your marriage.
> 
> BUT, I absolutely agree that you should change the locks. You should not do it as a surprise to anyone, however but you must insist on it. Talk to your wife. Your wife has no default right to give anyone a key to your house withotu your agreement. The same applies to you. Had you bioth agreed to do give this lady a key or was it just provided by your wife?
> 
> ...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Maybe not a "big sister" complex, but...

Congratulations! You've both been adopted by a psychotic surrogate mother!


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

LOL

Hey I'm glad I can laugh about that....but that may be the case.
I just dont want to appear on any murder mysteries on Date Line. Hence changing locks (the smart way by talking to wife that its just for our security not Broom Hilda) and then install security system and lastly hidden motion detection video. 

If something does happen to me I hope you all can piece it together. Right now, i'm being proactive. To much evilness in this world.





F-102 said:


> Maybe not a "big sister" complex, but...
> 
> Congratulations! You've both been adopted by a psychotic surrogate mother!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Uh-oh. What happened?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Beth is poison.

Here's my idea.
Get all your thoughts together about Beth's behavior. Write them down and out the paper in your pocket. Get your wife's cell phone, turn it off, and put it in your pocket. One day, when Beth is on her way out, walk her to her car, broom, whatever. Out of earshot of your wife, explain to Beth what she has done to your family. Don't let her talk, you run the conversation. Tell her that she is no longer welcome in your home. Tell her that the next time she comes back, you will get a restraining order on her.
Then go in and calmly explain to your wife what just happened and why. Explain to her how Beth has divided your Mothers and tried to divide the two of you. Tell your wife that Beth is no longer welcome and that all contact with her is done and over with.
You will awaken a beast in your wife. Tell her that you have never done this to anyone and would not do it without good reason. Tell your wife that you had to put your foot down or it is going out the door.
It will be hard, but if your wife has any sense, she will calm down and think hard about what you have told her, take another look at the situation and reluctantly agree.
I hope.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I would be very careful about this woman and not let her near your baby or wife alone. You should get a background check on her at the very least. She is stalking. There is a stalking victim's handbook. I would advise you to read it.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

hi-

i had this situation too, this was supposed to be my best friend.."just like sisters"...her words not mine...

she was selfish, and self centered, she put anything she wanted in her pocket, weather it was the corner store, the mall or my house..

she was cruel, mean vindictiave, back stabby, she told half truths and flat out lies...we were friends for 4 or 5 years, the last 2 were the down fall, see people like them, dont show their true selves for a while, a honeymoon period...then the change is small, and it takes its time to become the worst relationship ever...

and the sad thing is my husband could have done nothing, there is no way of cutting the other person out...

unless, does your wife see the friend for who she really is? when they are on the phone together, does you wife seem unhappy or a little sadder? does she seem angry after she gets off the phone sometimes? 

there are options...
#1. get friends together, they must spill beans and how much dirt and gossip is being spread around, like an intervention..

#2. get together with the moms, and get the moms together and everyone getting along, less chance of lies and back stabbing. the moms can not confront her with their knowledge, but your mom must tell her mom and so on. if they are together against the outsider that it will be easier to break away.

#3. move, change phone number, stop using your current facebook, myspace, twitter account, dont tel anyone where you live, and never tell anyone you phone number, change malls, grocery stores, change starbucks, change targets, everything.

unless the party of the second part can see no wrong, and thinks the other party is the bees knees, and has commitied no wrongness in their eyes, than there is nothing you can do.

just stay vigilant never disappear , dont go quietly into the night, be present at all times...

you dont always have to speak to be there, your actions will reflect.

my friend told me [after i decided to cut ties] that i was acting different, and funny towards her, see she was used to running my house hold from far away, and thinking her thoughts dictated how felt and how we lived our lives..it didnt, and she realized this..she fought a little, and tried to get her hooks in again....

cuz she is crazy...no we havent talked in almost 10 years.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

I finally talked about this with my wife yesterday- - I couldn't let it go on any longer because this external friend is causing subconcious grief daily (she texts my wife constantly, indirectly pressuring her to come out, go to lunch,etc - my wife at one point said 'i have to feed the baby' Broom Hilda got mad and said 'I give up' - - then a few hours later - she says 'I love you' . She's messing with my wifes emotions and my wife doesn't fully see it as that. 



I tried to use a lot of tact but over the day she would try to defend Beth which made me give her more examples. Mainpoints I focused on was that I was uncomfortable with Beth aka Broom Hilda. She really doesn't respect our marriage. Not everyone that gives you a gift is nice. My wife agrees with me but yet is still torn. She said ok, lets rupture ties but lets do it overtime. I said I hear that but i'm concerened that the more we 'keep in contact with her' the more we 'enable' her to continue. I don't want to leave my wife alone to fend for herself against this women (i told her that I will support her but she must want to do it - she can't say that I forced her - it has to come from her) --If it was me, I'd drop the axe now and cut her off.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Thanks, I'm going to look into that NOW.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I would be very careful about this woman and not let her near your baby or wife alone. You should get a background check on her at the very least. She is stalking. There is a stalking victim's handbook. I would advise you to read it.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

I'm going to read some stuff on stalking...but I am keeping this advice high up there for consideration. My wife was weeping yesterday saying that this [situation] is too much when I explained everything to her (and I was direct but very civil as to keep a healthy balance so that she understands). This suggestion may have to be implemented if things do not seem like they are progressing. 






DanF said:


> Beth is poison.
> 
> Here's my idea.
> Get all your thoughts together about Beth's behavior. Write them down and out the paper in your pocket. Get your wife's cell phone, turn it off, and put it in your pocket. One day, when Beth is on her way out, walk her to her car, broom, whatever. Out of earshot of your wife, explain to Beth what she has done to your family. Don't let her talk, you run the conversation. Tell her that she is no longer welcome in your home. Tell her that the next time she comes back, you will get a restraining order on her.
> ...


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

dubs said:


> I'm going to read some stuff on stalking...but I am keeping this advice high up there for consideration. My wife was weeping yesterday saying that this [situation] is too much when I explained everything to her (and I was direct but very civil as to keep a healthy balance so that she understands). This suggestion may have to be implemented if things do not seem like they are progressing.


It looks like you're on the right track.
I am not nearly as nice as you. I'd have tossed her out on her ass. Good Luck.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dubs said:


> Great feedback!
> 
> To answer your questions:
> -Beth aka Broom Hilda has given me numerous gifts including a gold chain that she said belonged to her father which i promptly returned as it didn't feel comfortable. She gives me clothes, buys food, etc - - she told my mother that she's going to take care of us...doesn't that sound strange? Take care of a 40+ year old married couple w/baby?
> ...


Creepy


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Yeah - - I'm leaning towards this.
Throughout the day, i'll come back and read everyone's input for direction, inspiration, etc.





DanF said:


> Beth is poison.
> 
> Here's my idea.
> Get all your thoughts together about Beth's behavior. Write them down and out the paper in your pocket. Get your wife's cell phone, turn it off, and put it in your pocket. One day, when Beth is on her way out, walk her to her car, broom, whatever. Out of earshot of your wife, explain to Beth what she has done to your family. Don't let her talk, you run the conversation. Tell her that she is no longer welcome in your home. Tell her that the next time she comes back, you will get a restraining order on her.
> ...


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Question:
I have already kicked my plans into action:
1-changed door locks w/wife's permission
2-informed wife of this troubling situation and how uncomfortable, unsafe and toxic Beth's behavior is.

My wife wants to slowly cut ties with her although at times she doubts that Beth is not 'as bad as it seems'. (She was upset that I blocked Beth from my facebook - this morning Beth texted my wife asking "why I blocked her - r u ok? all i do is care" Nonsense to me. My wife played it off and said she's blocked on my facebook as well or there must be a glitch. Ridiculous - --

my question, should i work w/my wife to slowly cut ties with her (wife says that Beth may not know what she's doing to us)

or 

should i just drop the guillotine immediately on Beth?

I really don't care because I see the light.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Oh my goodness - i read that handbook last night and I see traits in Beth of a stalker. She hasn't reached the escalation part yet because no one has rejected her - however i've started to block her and not pay her any mind (thats when her actions should change)

My wife saw me reading the manual and I said I just want to ensure that we are not dealing w/a stalker. 
We read the first few pages and there were behaviors that I attributed to Beth. My wife was dumbfounded but did want to fully label certain traits. I warned her not to risk this one and she better be vigilant or she may regret it as Beth may be unpredictable. 

I informed my wife of the strange patterns and she wants to cut ties slowly. I can try but I feel that I may just react soon by informing Beth to cease and desist. 

Hmmm....





Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I would be very careful about this woman and not let her near your baby or wife alone. You should get a background check on her at the very least. She is stalking. There is a stalking victim's handbook. I would advise you to read it.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

in my eyes, it takes time to cut someone out..it took time fr them to weasel in, and it takes about twice the time to get rid of them.

no not really because you could just simply say begone with you, and never darken my door step again...but that always leads to stalling, and questioning actions and opens up for long drawn out talks that lead nowhere.

facebook is a good start, change phones is a good way to go also. change where you shop at, like drive a little farther and go to the other target, if you shop at the only trader joes in your area...not any more.

change times and days you go out. she knows all your hang-outs, she knows the way your car looks, sounds, smells, she knows your keys, she knows your voices..sick b!tches always do.

if she sees one or the other out, she will pounce...if your wife is alone, she might invite her back under false prentences just to avoid conflict.

change your name on face book and take down family pics, change your area also change it to private, and dont post anything important for a while. change your avitar.

she is a stalker, and a sick fu(k but i can tell you it is all on the up and up. she didnt force you to call her or let her into your lives, you did so freely and gladly.

you have to take action to cut her out of your lives. change everything you do...just think of the lifetime movies, where the husband is the worst person who ever lived...but he didnt ever break the law...

the wife must get rid of him, she must change her life...you must change your life. the good news is, there will be a day, when your wife is strong, and has opened her eyes to this person, that it will be easy to deflect any contact, and walk away from the other woman.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Your w must abandon Beth, because she may try to "talk some sense" into your W, and try to convince her that you are an abuser.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Update

Last week, I was in bed reading "The Stalkers Handbook" - my wife was curious what I was reading. And I told her that I was advised to check it out just for informational purposes. I said I wanted to see if Beth aka Broom Hilda had a few traits of a Stalker. 

Low and behold, the book was very informative!!
Beth had many traits of a Stalker!

Although that night my wife didn't want to admit it, then next morning when I asked her how her sleep was, she said she couldn't sleep that night. (Hmm...i wonder why...all that info was getting to her) 

Come on Beth is a charmer and loves to give gifts. She likes to control, seek info on all types of people and is not a good influence to say the least. My wife started to see how Beth was using guilt on her via text messages.

A few days after our discussion, I decided to stay home with the baby and not go to church with my wife. Lo and behold, Beth texts my wife and ask her to go to lunch right after church. My wife said sorry I have to go home to feed the baby.
Beth said 'I give up. I can't take this anymore' She was trying to run guilt on my wife. (How do i know this, my wife would forward me her texts)

Anyway later that day, Beth texts my wife and says:
I don't know whats going on but I'm going to LAYLOW for awhile and leave you both alone. I also talked to my friends and they said I should also do that. blah blah.

When I heard that I said good and told my wife that we should act on this opportunity and tell her that we agree. 

So my wife and I (and i didn't force my wife) wrote a response back to Beth which was firm. My wife said I no longer single and I need to focus on my marriage and baby. Thank you for everything. I agree with you its best not to communicate at all. Sorry it has to come to this but please respect our wishes.

Beth texts back 'I wish you the best' then immediately deletes my wifes facebook account (yaye!)
My wife mumbles to me...that true stalker behavior

read the handbook its good.

Anyway, our next plans are
1) inform our close friends of whats going on and our actions
2)inform our neighbors

and work toward solidifying our relationship.

Glad my wife was able to come to this as I had to gently but firmly give her a lot of examples why Beth was trouble for her, our relationship and everything else. 

We still have some work to do but we got over a major hump.

Of course our door locks have been changed and I'm planning in investing in a security camera system which i've been wanting to do for ages. I wish i can go into more details about the last few days...but thats the gyst and I'm tired....


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

I'm composing a reply email to Beth who sent me a general 'whats up? ???' blank email - 

I want to respond but i'm wondering if I should respond with an emotionless firm reply 

or 

spice it up w/a smooth yet firm reply. Here's a mix of both, please advise:

Thanks for everything you have done in the past.
We are ending our relationship with you. Do not make any attempt to try and renew it. We will not change our mind.
We do not wish to have any contact with you now or in the future.
From what I've observed, because of my discomfort I'd prefer not to carry on any type of friendship.
Please do not attempt to contact us or send us any gifts. I will also plan on returning your prior gifts.
Thank you so much for respecting our wishes.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

dubs said:


> I'm composing a reply email to Beth who sent me a general 'whats up? ???' blank email -
> 
> I want to respond but i'm wondering if I should respond with an emotionless firm reply
> 
> ...


Personally, I hate emails and text messages for serious stuff. However, this does give you an electronic trail and proof of what you told her.
You do know that as soon as she reads that email, she will call your wife, right? I would let wifey read it first or at least immediately after you send it.

Good luck!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I am so happy that you did this.
My mother got her foot in the door when I returned from overseas with my child (biological, born overseas) who at 11 months had only mostly heard Chinese at home. She tried to stay with me and I said no (loft apartment, mother had issues...) so I said stay with your old friends who are friends of mine, I had stayed with them so my child knew their kids and family and would be comfortable there with everyone while I was at work. I told her explicitly no you cannot take him anywhere except to the harbor for a walk. I returned from work to find she had made up some story and bullied the kids into letting her take my son all the way into another state and the city to see a movie first and then to go visit with her bio dad my supposed grandfather who was a real pr*ck. 

So really you need to understand, bio tie or not (it seems like she was creating the semblance of one), once the child is used to her it would be easier for her to take it somewhere without it freaking out. If someone does not respect your boundaries you should never let them near your children to develop a relationship with you. You also never know what is going on in an unstable person's mind...they could intentionally drug your child and let you get blamed for it and then 'offer' to take custody because they are already familiar with the child. This is of course much more 'humane' than those sick women who befriend a pregnant woman and then cut the baby out of her and parade it around as their own. I live in a state where the population is few and far between and people do not really understand how to handle mental illness or lack the resources. There is also a large prevalence of mental illness..my FOO for example. My brother had his daughter and her kids (bio father was involved but not primary custody) living with him and after she was killed by her brother (they told him he didn't need his meds, just get a job...UGH) he tried to get custody of them...ewwww. I had concerns he would do to the girl what his daughter and exwife said he did to them. My H falls right into that category too, along with this wife of his friend who stalked him and tried to tarnish my reputation around town. 

The point is, the prevalence of this is MUCH MORE than you would like to imagine. You should try to print out the documentation and at the very least get some photos of her and basic info just in case. Have you considered paying online for one of the search services (Intellius, for example) that allows you to review this woman's history? In our town, the police know everyone...unfortunately for my H, he is known in the town I'm moving to...my new landlord is a police officer. Downstairs new neighbor is chief of security at the college I'm to attend. When I had a small house nearby and was in hiding from my family under a different name, a retired state police officer lived across the street (on a cul de sac). This is my way of life, being aware but not necessarily on guard vigilant. I think the idea is to stick to your guns and make them a little bit more afraid of you than you would be of them. You could even say something to the effect that your wife's mother bear instinct has kicked in and you are feeling a bit like a cave man when it comes to your family, wow, who knew having a child could really make you feel sooooooo protective of such an innocent little life. I think that would get the message across. 

GET OFF FACEBOOK. And stop texting people. That stuff just gets looked and and the texts forwarded. If she wants access to it, she'll get it. If you put photos of your child and yourselves on line use a service like Picasa and change the key once in a while and take down photos that aren't current. Limit them. Photos give away information, the older the child gets, the more it can be used against him or her...comments that get posted on photo sharing sites such as the name of their baby doll or stuffed animal or the name of their blanket or favorite food...when the kid gets older you can show photos of this woman and say 'no no' if it comes to that. Like a hot stove response. Because it's appropriate. Older still, a password and always reminders about who is coming to pick up from day care or friends' house, warn caregivers or babysitters about the intruder into your life or accomplices. This is what the photos are for. Photos of safe people are posted for the sitters. Or have a rule, don't open the door to visitors while sitting...if people are safe they will get it, the unsafe people get no access whatsoever. 

I am sorry to tell you to think this way.
My gut tells me you should inform the local police about your concerns. It's possible she will try this on others as well. Or try to do day care or whatever. So this concern if not illegal right now if reported could keep others safe. It might get worse as she gets older and loses impulse control to a further degree. Of course, there is that magic age (you go, Mom) that they can't do so much anyway, due to physical condition and usually dwindling resources (due to their behavior mostly, spending on gifts and stalking and not working so much while doing this...)

You can live without facebook. You can censor texts and photos. I don't know why we think that these things are safe. I guess people live in bubbles of domestic tranquility. Your world is only as safe as you make it when there are people in it whose attention falls on you unwanted, and is unchecked and pathological.

Texting in church??? Did I read that right :-o 
I wonder if the Quakers would accept that as silence....


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Any letter sent should be notarized and use a signed receipt and provide a copy of both to the local police station and keep a copy for your records. 

I would use as few words as possible and do not give any explanation because if you are uncomfortable with the relationship and want it to end, then it needs to end. 

As my H is about to learn, no really does mean no.
When it comes to outsiders contacting you in any way if you ask that they not to, that is serious business. The only thing you need to be prepared for is that she will slander you in some way. But my guess is that she has pulled this behavior on others and soon enough you will hear from them in a positive and supportive way. This is what happened to me, I ran into the woman's neighbor who informed me that stalker lady has started fights with neighbors and police have been informed there too when people got scared by her. From what I know now she is working a 'real job' whatever that is (I have like 3 jobs none of which is 'real' I suppose, despite the US currency...I worked at home so I guess she thought I tapped on the computer all day and faked it?) and she is likely on meds. She reminded me a lot of my mother, too.

Histrionic, overly emotional, likes soap operas, likes to talk about what other people like or otherwise pigeonhole them as static individuals while they are present (like talking about your kid when she's right there listening...in the 3rd party, explaining her to someone...ewwwwwwww), get overly upset at stuff, overly familiar to the situation, namedropping, and criticizing others when they are not present, or bringing up personal topics at odd times. Pretty much sums up as disrespectful to the point of scrambling for social control...oh and always likes to be the center of attention.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

I agree. However since she sent me an email, I want to reply so that we can have a trace/history. 

I talked to my wife's mother and updated her on everything that has transpired. I also told my wife that I'm going to respond to Beth's email. I told her I will be 'nice' about it but after reading a few of everyone's post, i'm going to be simple and direct: straight from the Stalkers Handbook.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Thx for all that input, it is greatly appreciated.

I will definitely send a notarized letter. I agree that Beth needs to be more afraid of us. 

I'm going to reply back to the email so that we have a electronic copy too in addition. This will be the content of the reply:

I want you to stop trying to contact us. If I discover that you have followed us, been on our property or called work or home, I will call the police and file stalking charges. We are ending our acquaintance or friendship. Do not make any attempt to try and renew it. We will not change our mind. We do not wish to have any contact with you now or in the future. If you try to contact us, I will take legal action against you. 

Stalkers - A Handbook for Victims by Emily Spence-Diehl

Note: Beth hasn't got 'violent' or unpredictable yet - But i think its very important that we stay vigilant and proactive since we do not know what to expect. We live in a very small town so we may bump into her at some point. I informed my wife that if we see her, we just turn immediately turn away.

My wife needs more time to recuperate. Thank goodness I have been strong although it took a lot of mental energy and discipline to see this through. 

Thx for the advice again - - i along w/my wife, are looking forward to informing our neighbors and friends about her and our situation.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Any letter sent should be notarized and use a signed receipt and provide a copy of both to the local police station and keep a copy for your records.


Email response has been sent. 
This is the content:

I want you to stop trying to contact us. If I discover that you have followed us, been on our property or called work or home, I will call the police and file stalking charges. We are ending our acquaintance or friendship. Do not make any attempt to try and renew it. We will not change our mind. We do not wish to have any contact with you now or in the future. If you try to contact us, I will take legal action against you. 


Next, i'm heading over to the post office to mail a notarized letter with both of our signature.

Note: I have not forced my wife to do anything - I have asked her. She said she feels like a loser. I said you are a winner and you are still wining because we are still here. Our family is still here and we have not let anyone divide us and tear our happiness apart. 

Next: inform our neighbors and those in our community.

Gotta stay strong.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's definitely the right thing to do.
Just hearing about this woman gives me the creeps.

I like that you followed the stalker handbook suggestions.
You definitely do not need to open up any discussion with her about why, this generally leads to more gossip that she would start or an argument or excuses, plus it lets her know exactly what you care about, which would be the leverage she needs to open up a crack into an abyss...

I think one of my STBXH's former gf's has a restraining order against him. When we saw her at the grocery store, she hid behind her friends and refused to acknowledge him. The turning away that you mentioned made me see this in a different light. Also, he kept sending her gift subscriptions to a climbing magazine, and also said they were friends, but it turned out later that she said that she had ended the friendship. I pretty much told him if he has to contact me about logsitics of the divorce & my move, he is not to add "I love you" or anything personal like that to the communication. Also not to use any nonverbal indications of sexual or affectionate intent. I told him I expect his correspondence and any in-face communication with me to be the way it would his military communication (or knowing him, the way it should be, not as it probably is). I realized through this thread that I said I am leaving him, so I do not have to go through this stalking type behaviour of unwanted emails and so forth. It's as easy as to say, stop sending them or I will file a harassment charge. It sounds harsh, but the marriage was abusive and there were two instances of unwanted sexual contact just in April. It was absolutely explicit what he was not to do, and he slipped it in me. If he wasn't married to me, it would have been date rape. (He'd agreed to use a condom.) Another time I said no, I am tired, and woke up to him groping me. Ugh. It was good to be reminded I can just ask now for other unwanted behavior to stop. So, thanks.

Oh, expect a couple weeks before the drama dies down and you can stop thinking about this person all the time. You'll always be aware, but the needs to be hypervigiliant will fall off over time. I forget what that handbook says, but most fall into the bully category and never escalate. But the thing is, with mental illness and progression of symptoms, you can just never tell. It is better to put your foot down. She might turn elsewhere to get her fix, but that's not your problem.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I am so happy that you did this. Your world is only as safe as you make it when there are people in it whose attention falls on you unwanted, and is unchecked and pathological.....



Thx for all your feedback. I really appreciate it.

My wife is going back and forth while I'm going ahead. I will not bump heads because she (sometimes knows) she's the victim.

I sent the notarized letter today.
Before I did that my wife wanted to try and smooth it out w/Beth and say 'we just need space and we didn't mean to send you the no contact email like that...."

I just calmly said to her I just reacted off of instinct and that is how I feel from being uncomfortable. I'm not going to see her. 
My wife is just going through withdrawal. I'll keep positive around her.

Now i'm jotting together a note for the pastors/ministers at our church since my wife works there and i believe that they need to know before Beth gets to them. 

I gotta stay focused and not let it get to me: think long term.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

A photo and a phone number for the church, as well as a copy of the no contact letter is useful for anyone working at the church. But it should be marked confidential so only those people who need to know, know. When and if you use a sitter or a day care setting, the same paperwork/photo is great to have, as well as to keep a copy with you when you are out and about.

I went to swim lessons today with my kids and was happy to see that the stalker woman did not show up with her grandson. There's a lot of real estate there, but still. Tomorrow I have to go earlier, there's a chance he's in that class. Oh well, dark sunglasses and a book and usually other people set up near me since I am friendly and familiar face. Stalker woman is large so she doesn't like to position herself near me. She should have listened to me last year I told her she had something wrong with her because the way her lungs sounded, she blew me off making me seem like I was some kind of hypochrondriac who goes running to the doctor all the time (I think she was jealous of the little bit of attention my H did give me when I was sick.) Soooo, a couple months after that she had emergency heart surgery. You just can't help people like that. They're unreachable on all counts.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> A photo and a phone number for the church.
> 
> .... They're unreachable on all counts.


My wife seems to be going through withdrawal and denial now. 
She's putting the blame on me, my M.I.L and then herself by saying she said negative things about me to her friends that caused them to lash out at me. Only Beth, the lady who has a grip on her, was the one who went above and beyond to secretly try to get us to break up.

I couldn't take the secrecry and vile devisive tactics going on in the background and had to respond to Beth by cutting her off of facebook, no going over her house for dinner and then sending her a no contact letter which my wife is now worried about and has got her going into withdrawal. 

My wife has said that that was a mean thing I did to someone that she considers family. She went and told the ministers at our church what I did. I emailed the ministers why I did that before we met with them and also told them that I am not arguing or debating anything with my wife because she is still recovering from Post paturm and she at this point can not really see the big picture.

The more I think about it, I think that although I've been married to my wife for 2 years - - I think my actions of being firm and sending that no contact - - was a shock to my wife and Beth (Broom Hilda). I really think that Beth had plan of me in which she thought she could implement through my wife. It just took a couple of experiences overtime for me to wake up and no want to participate in this .

My wife wants to tell Beth that the contact letter was of my doing as well as a text she sent to Beth stating that we shouldn't talk as she needs to focus on her marriage and baby. We sat and composed the text and I didn't force her. I however went over the contact letter, showed her it and told her that i'm sending it. And did.

I think she is in shock that whatever motives and plans Beth or both of them, her knowingly or not were being shattered.

Since I moved from my city to hers, I have NO real friends here or support resources I can lean on. If the police were called for a non-existent house hold disturbing, I would be the one asked to leave the house and find a place to stay (which i Beth really wanted to happen: she i believe wanted me out my wife's life so that she can have her back and then also take care/raise our newborn baby- - isn't that sick and scary situation, especially since my wife can not see it. My wife just wants to blame me for us having differences in the way, right after the baby was born in the way we raised the baby. E.g, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, bath - things that any normal couple can work out - however since she felt that we couldn't communicate she ran to her "friends" and started slandering anything about me to them - - hence Beth took this opportunity to enhance the negativity environment and continue making my wife live in post partum by continually focusing on negativity "well i told you, you should have never", "you should kick him out"....even when things died down...she would still try to bring negative things up w/my wife to get a reaction out of her.

I noticed this as well as my wife not thinking straight and continued to be positive - - there will be a day when she wakes up and realizes - -- plus she needs time to recuperate since she's a first time mother who also had a hard/stressful delivery.

Anyway, my wife wants me to tell Beth that she didn't have anything to do w/the no-contact letter. She tried to imply to the minister that I'm trying to control her or better yet tell her who she can or can not talk to. I immediately jumped in and said "hey, I never said who you can or can not talk to. In fact, you can talk to anyone you wish even Beth -that doesn't mean I have to be friends with her. Yes, that contact letter came from me and anyone can tell Beth I, 'me', sent it.

She was quiet then she insisted that I call or email Beth and let Beth know that I was all of my doing to send her the no contact note. 

I told her that I will not call beth. but she and then the minister insisted I should just tell Beth that that letter represented me so that my wife can have closure and/or try to explain the situation to Beth. (Wife's take is that it was her fault things got out of control - wife thinks she shouldn't have opened her mouth to Beth - oh well.)

I said I'd gladly tell Beth that the letter was from me strictly but nothing will change. Also said I'm not calling her or emailing her. But if they wanted to get her on the phone, I will simply say that letter came directly from me, no more no less.

I've done my part - if my wife wants to hang out with her - then she can do so at the jeopardy of her life and marriage.

I do not want to have anything to do with Beth.
I do not want my child to have anything to do with Beth. 
I do not want to be in a unhealthy environment.
I am hoping for the best and I am planning for the worse.
I don't want to put negative thoughts in my head like divorce, separation, etc - but I have to keep them in mind if things do not work out. I will fight to keep this relationship especially since we have a newborn - -it would not be fair to the baby which really motivated me to endure all this secrecy and negative onslaught.

Now its off my chest. I couldn't not hold back/hide from Beth's action - i had to react and it shocked my wife as well as Beth because they thought I was a 'quiet' guy. I was quiet and respectful and until I saw the light. Life is too short to get caught up in evil.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i think you are doing the right thing. your wife will see the light.

and yes way creepy...my friend also said i should kick my boyfriend out, and together [her & i] could get an apt to raise my baby together...!!!


my ex-friend said many things that didnt seem right, like my boyfriend was controlling..well so was she

she wanted me to kick him out, so we [her & i] could go out to the clubs and pick up guys!!!????

she had a boyfriend...they didnt live together, or have any kids yet, but they would be getting married...[far as i know, not yet]

her reason and logic was just off. when it was the end, she knew, and found a new person to control.

i think the both of you will come out on the other side of this stronger. although i think its too soon for your wife to have contact with this person, its too soon to be detached from her.

it will be all to easy to give in to "beth" and do what she says. its like a bad affair, where you were told what to eat, when to sleep, who to be friends with, and even how to raise the baby, and prob right down to the bedroom.

ex-friend was always trying to ask me about sex, and i would never give a straight answer...some of the things i had going for me was, it was not quite the digital age [1996/1999] she couldnt let her mom or other family members, know she was crazy, she couldnt let her boyfriend know she was crazy, and she didnt have a job, and she didnt drive.

i think the letter and a picture with everyone you know is a smart idea. sorry this happned to you. it will get better. in my situation i did stop going to a few places for a while, or on certain days when i thought she and her family would be there.

stay tough on no contact on either side. stay strong. your wife will see this is for the best. let me tell you,"like family" isnt family.

best wishes...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My STBXH's friend's wife was telling people around town that I was cheating on my H...then at the same time telling my H she loved him and that she had her doubts about me. 

Once i had a friend who could not have children due to a medical conditon. When she found out I had divorced and had a small child and was starting grad school, she invited me and my child to dinner...during the course of the night she showed me that she had been looking to adopt or foster a child, and then suggested she take mine so that I could focus on my studies since I wanted to be a student and a career person. I explained to her that I was going to grad school part-time with a reasonable schedule and had telecommute work part-time and my son was in home day care and that the studies were meant so that I could have a better life for both my son and myself, together as a family. That I did not want a life as a single student. I mean, I was doubly shocked - insulted that she thought I was the kind of person who would put school above my child and abandon my child! And that she had a plan to set the stage to adopt my child. I told her she was welcome to babysit for him every once in a while but that it was a long drive. I was just, like, wow, friend thinks I don't want my kid, WTF? It was really really really really weird. People have all kinds of nutso stuff going on in their heads. I had not really seen her for a while...as I'd been out of the country while I gave birth to son...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Stick to your guns-your W is wavering, as all people in withdrawal do.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

*[Another one busted] - - Re: The affect of a negative (fake) friend on a marriage*

In frustration, my wife reached out to Broom Hilda #2, lets call her Pigeon Head, via text this morning about our current situation.
She told Pigeon head that we are heading to see a counselor in a few days. Pigeon head responded and said does your husband know he is paranoid? That you belong to us and he can't have you solo?

Later that morning, I told my wife that I saw her texting Pigeon Head in bed. I didn't ask anything about the text - -I just started by saying to my wife that her friend is not in a state to give advice. (It is not in her place to give advice or even discuss our situation) I mentioned that Pigeon Heads household is in a non functional state (her husband totally controls her, physically and mentally, in addition to a few other things that I will mention shortly). How did I find out? My wife told me these things.

My wife then tried to paraphrase their conversation and I said let me see the text and we can talk about it. My wife said that she deleted. I told her that hiding a conversation like that is a bad sign. Wouldn't a person act 'paranoid' when someone of her stature tries to give advice? 

I reiterated to my wife that 'We' need to work on any issues with have by ourselves. If we are going to seek assistance from 'outside' it has to be from someone that has both of our interests in mind. I asked my wife, do I call Pigeon Head and critique her present situation with her or her husband?

I want to use this opportunity to nip this in the bud.
I have composed this text that I want to send to Pigeon Head. 
Please provide feedback. I'd like to send it soon as since its still fresh. 

===========================
Pigeon Head,
You are not a professional counselor.
You are not equipped to give advice in this and many situations that you have a biased opinion about.

Please do not try to analyze and decipher issues you do not have facts about or you are not trained to understand or alleviate.

Please focus on your own issues at hand.

What you are doing is actually not conducive to our family and baby's health. Nothing you say is positive.
Your advice is not welcome here.

I do not text or call your husband or even talk to anyone about your family issues. Yet, I still treat you with great respect or anyone that knows you.

Its been alleged that that you have a husband that hasn't worked in years that 'lives off of you', you have a biological daughter that you have allegedly 'thrown her out the house' or associate with.

Its been alleged that you have a husband that does not allow you to be 'free' and keeps you 'contained.'

Misery likes company - please cease carrying on negative conversations with my wife especially about me and our baby.

You are not in a position to give advice in addition you are not a trained counselor.

I do not text or call your husband or even talk to anyone about your alleged family issues or you in general. I still treat you with great respect or anyone that knows you.
Are these actions something you want our daughter to know about you when she gets older?
===============================


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

*Re: [Another one busted] - - Re: The affect of a negative (fake) friend on a marriage*

I want to send this text then inform my wife of it.
I believe I have a right to defend myself.
My wife will try to talk me out of it. But I have to go for the jugular while I have the opportunity. 
These 2 have really got on my nerves.




dubs said:


> I do not text or call your husband or even talk to anyone about your family issues. Yet, I still treat you with great respect or anyone that knows you.
> 
> Misery likes company - please cease carrying on negative conversations with my wife especially about me and our baby.
> 
> ...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

How many Broom Hildas do you have? And where does she come off saying that your W belongs to them, and you can't have her solo? If Broom Hildas #1 and #2 get together, intervention style, along with a couple pf other "friends", they could all try to convince your W that you are controlling, abusive and trying to isolate her.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Stick to your guns-your W is wavering, as all people in withdrawal do.


Haha. Sidetrack on this thread but thanks for the reminder. I re-read the last letter my H sent me back in June and it SEEMS benign enough. (Then I remember, he tried to get me pregnant by surprise. Ugh.)


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think it would be easier to biochip the baby or at least make sure you document birthmarks and fingerprint the baby than to try to do this kind of damage control in your town. You probably need to just back way off and get a hobby if you are outnumbered like this. Let your W learn her own lessons.

The winds have changed. The issue is your W and not these other people. Your W has very poor boundaries and a poor instinct for having made good choices for herself. She is easily swayed.

My H was like this. A whole posse/family of Broom Hilda's and Dustpan Dan's. They convinced him I was a control freak b*tch so he treated me like cr*p (at least that's his story) and then he cheated on me. 

VAR. KeyLogger. On the cell too if you can manage it.
Keep yourself informed. 

You don't sound paranoid but you do need to live in this town long-term. You never know who these Broom Hilda's are scr*ewing and in a small town it's not who is right, it's who has the best blackmail to get what they want when they want it.

I told my H it was me or his posse. He told his posse to back off, he was working on his marriage. You have a kid, so your stakes of leaving are higher. You could probably get joint custody though. It all depends what you're willing to follow through on. I was willing to leave. Actually, I'm leaving but it's not so much due to the posse, it is due to having a weak-willed pliable H would loved the attention of other people especially women, did not trust me and escalated from emotional abuse to sexual abuse. So that was the end of that.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

EXCELLENT ADVICE
I'm going to start prepping for the future.
Will use certain time to consult w/ a lawyer.
Def. don't want to live under these conditions.
p.s. - yup, i'm staying informed and will play the 'dumb' role as much as possible until i can get outta dodge.




Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You probably need to just back way off and get a hobby if you are outnumbered like this. Let your W learn her own lessons.
> 
> The winds have changed. The issue is your W and not these other people. Your W has very poor boundaries and a poor instinct for having made good choices for herself. She is easily swayed.that.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Yes. I agree.
I'm seeing this issue is bigger than i thought.
I need to lay low, formulate a plan and navigate out of this darkness. 





F-102 said:


> How many Broom Hildas do you have? And where does she come off saying that your W belongs to them, and you can't have her solo? If Broom Hildas #1 and #2 get together, intervention style, along with a couple pf other "friends", they could all try to convince your W that you are controlling, abusive and trying to isolate her.


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

Sadly, Broom Hilda's claws are deep in my wifes spine. 
I don't see my wife changing anytime soon -- i think she has a mental issue that Broom Hilda has grasped. 

I'm in a toxic situation and must protect myself NOW.
Meeting w/ a lawyer tomorrow to find out how to prepare for a divorce (yes, the environment is not conducive and my 'wife' may snap as her entire view is twisted to say the least) She whole heartedly things Broom Hilda is a saint. 

Since I've exposed Broom Hilda, she will now start working on getting me back. Time to get out of dodge!

I need to find a safe haven to move to almost immediately away from them. I'm in a foreign city which sucks. 

Any feedback will be appreciated.


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## roamingmind (Jul 20, 2011)

Wowww... it is really a tricky situation. If your wife can't see the harm, she really will be convinced that you are trying to isolate her from "friends". 

Are you living in a community that everyone knows everyone else while you are the "outsider"? 

What about having your wife join the conversation on this forum to tell her side of story and people's feedbacks might give her some perspectives, also distract her from engaging with the evil "friends"? 

Just a thought!


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