# Nice guy/Bad boy in all of us



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

With all the discussions here about the nice guys needed to man up and such and all the stuff about bad boys...

I don't know about the labels really, for example, I can be a bit too nice when it comes to dealing with my wife's manipulative tendencies. But at the same time I can be a bit too disrespectful and hurtful when I flirt and charm other women just for fun.

So in my opinion there's a nice guy and a bad boy in all of us. And the end it's not really about being a "nicer guy" or "badder", it's just eliminating and improving on our own individual flaws as a man.

Thoughts?


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> With all the discussions here about the nice guys needed to man up and such and all the stuff about bad boys...
> 
> I don't know about the labels really, for example, I can be a bit too nice when it comes to dealing with my wife's manipulative tendencies. But at the same time I can be a bit too disrespectful and hurtful when I flirt and charm other women just for fun.
> 
> ...


"nice guy" is actually used incorrectly in these discussions. It's the reason so many ladies have an issue anytime people talk about "no more mr nice guy". Almost every lady has been taught that they should be looking for a guy that is "nice" and treats them well. When you say to someone stop being a nice guy it throws a red flag. 

Which man here doesn't want to do nice things for his wife? So yes we're all nice guys. The issue is when we don't set boundaries and allow ourselves to be disrepected. Don't know about you but I can set boudaries, expect to be respected, and be nice all at the same time.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> With all the discussions here about the nice guys needed to man up and such and all the stuff about bad boys...
> 
> I don't know about the labels really, for example, I can be a bit too nice when it comes to dealing with my wife's manipulative tendencies. But at the same time I can be a bit too disrespectful and hurtful when I flirt and charm other women just for fun.
> 
> ...


I think women like "bad boys" - more than they'll admit. But I don't think women like to be with a man who is being overly flirtatiouis with other women. I'm not sure that being a "bad boy" includes being rude and disrespectful.

Now - to maybe help with your point - I've often felt my boundaries are much stronger at work than at home. So - at home - I was a "nice guy" - but at work, I'm much more direct and straightforward about what I want and expect from others. I would also say that - as a result - I feel more respected at work than I do at home.

So - yes - I do agree that we all cross the lines from time to time. I'm just not sure that your "bad boy" example is getting the essence of what women truly find attractive.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I think women are turned on when a man is nice to her, nice to his family and close friends, and not afraid to run over any other man not in his close circle.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

But again - a "Nice Guy" isn't really truly nice. They have a hidden agenda. Instead of being outright and forthcoming with their needs, they merely hope that their favors will be returned in kind.

Then - because they haven't expressed their own needs - or boundaries - they live in almost constant disappointment about how unfair their relationship or even life is to them. That turns to good old fashioned resentment.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> But again - a "Nice Guy" isn't really truly nice. They have a hidden agenda. Instead of being outright and forthcoming with their needs, they merely hope that their favors will be returned in kind.
> 
> Then - because they haven't expressed their own needs - or boundaries - they live in almost constant disappointment about how unfair their relationship or even life is to them. That turns to good old fashioned resentment.


That's a reason I don't think people should use the term "nice guy" in the discussions we have here. Let's say a man allows his wife to yell disrespectfully at him in public. How is that being nice? Yet in the conversations on this board and others he is considered a "nice" guy. So now we say don't be a "nice guy". Well what's the oposite of a "nice guy"... a bad guy. Do we consider someone who doesn't allow themselves to be yelled at disrespectfully a bad guy? I doubt it.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

All "nice guy" and "bad boy" traits has its good and bad, both have qualities that attract and keep women, and both have qualities that repel them. That is the point of this thread:

*Just as being a doormat for my wife will lead to repelling her, being a flirt has also served to repel her to.*

As for my flirting, I'm not really overly flirtateous, but I do flirt for fun the same as I joke for fun. I dont have intentions to hurt or disrespect my wife when I do so, but she feels hurt and disrespected all the same - so I admit I am wrong. It's only one of quite a few "bad boy" traits I have by being a "player", and my worst.

If you want a better example, I guess I can bring up my past and how I became a better man despite it, or how I dealt with my mother-in-law, or better yet, how I dealt with my old "friends" who insulted my daughter before she was even born due to her mixed blood. But those are "bad boy" traits that I will NEVER change. If anything my wife still complained, but she respected how far I would go to protect those I love, so it's not an issue.

My flirting however, IS an issue...

There is good and bad in the "nice guy" and "bad boy" stereotypes that in reality rarely exist as an absolute. My point is, we should focus on learning the GOOD things about both, leaving OUT the BAD, instead of trying to be less nice, or more bad.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Maybe what women want is whatever will make them the most miserable and crazy.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ No, what women want, is they want it all, without all the negative perks. They want everything, and hey with we men... same crap goes. We want someone who's sexy and who's also nice. Stupid thing is that even with my flirtations it still reminds her who she has, a hot stud who is just simply always going to be hot for years to come... but also who's a total jerk and that she deserves better :rofl:

See what I mean? They want it all, the good perks, none of the bad. It's a learning experience and journey for all of us. But you think I could have held my stubborn wife for this long without learning how to be more sensitive and respectful? Of course not.

"Nice guys" have integrity, stability, morals, these things if stood up for are very valuable. To be honest I learn so much from these so-called "nice guys" who in my opinion don't need their labels, as they have as much going for them as some hot guy in a pub. But... one has to elevate one's self to be not just about being some hot stud, but a man, a real man, and a husband worthy being of being cherished.


----------

