# Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle



## rj700

This is a subject women often raise here at TAM. Why do men look at other women? It is usually accompanied by complaints that it is hurtful or disrespectful. Or why does he look at other women when he has me? 

Two caveats before I get started. 1) Nothing here is really intended to justify that behavior, only explain the mindset and 2) this is just one man's perspective and so it may not apply to your man, or any other for that matter. I haven't had this type of conversation with other men. My deep conversations with other men typically revolve around hockey or football, or occasionally lawn care.

So with that said - yes I look at other women. And yes I typically imagine them naked. Yes I love my wife. No I don't compare them to her, nor do I think "_I wish my wife had a rack like that, or legs like that_". No I don't imagine having sex with them, at least not at that moment, though I might use that image later during a DYI. I might even rate a particular women's beauty as off the chart. In contrast, there is *no* chart that can measure my wife's beauty. It is not a her vs. them thing. 

Women are beautiful and men are hard wired to notice. Some of us may take that too far. I have in the past and my wife called me on it. But she called me on the staring or being obvious part - and rightly so.

Nothing new or ground breaking here. But let me try to frame it just a bit differently. I have 4 kids & 6 grand kids. They are all great & special, each in their own way. Ever been to a restaraunt and a toddler in the next booth pokes their head over and you start playing peek-a-boo? Ever taken your kids to the playground and watch other children play? I know I look or watch other children all the time, especially toddlers and babies. They are fascinating, funny, interesting. My guess is many of you feel the same. I would also guess that none of you think to yourself - "_I wish that was my kid_" or "_he's so much cuter or funnier than mine_" or "_I wish mine had a smile like that_". So why am I looking at them? I have a child, aren't they enough?

I realize this analogy breaks down if you over analyze it. *It's not the same you say!!!* But the mindset is *EXACTLY* the same. At least for me.


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## CandieGirl

One good thing about my husband, I've never seen/noticed him do this while we are together. I love that about him.

But I did tell him my 'Sveltlana' story...so that might be why...


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## HopelesslyJaded

rj700 said:


> This is a subject women often raise here at TAM. Why do men look at other women? It is usually accompanied by complaints that it is hurtful or disrespectful. Or why does he look at other women when he has me?
> 
> Two caveats before I get started. 1) Nothing here is really intended to justify that behavior, only explain the mindset and 2) this is just one man's perspective and so it may not apply to your man, or any other for that matter. I haven't had this type of conversation with other men. My deep conversations with other men typically revolve around hockey or football, or occasionally lawn care.
> 
> So with that said - yes I look at other women. *And yes I typically imagine them naked.* Yes I love my wife. No I don't compare them to her, nor do I think "_I wish my wife had a rack like that, or legs like that_".* No I don't imagine having sex with them, at least not at that moment, though I might use that image later during a DYI.* I might even rate a particular women's beauty as off the chart. In contrast, there is *no* chart that can measure my wife's beauty. It is not a her vs. them thing.
> 
> *You just captured exactly why women get riled up when they catch their men gawking. That's exactly what we think your doing. Thanks for clarifying. LOL*
> 
> *Women are beautiful and men are hard wired to notice.* Some of us may take that too far. I have in the past and my wife called me on it. But she called me on the staring or being obvious part - and rightly so.
> 
> *There is a difference in recognizing beauty and attractiveness and getting off on it.*
> 
> *Nothing new or ground breaking here.* But let me try to frame it just a bit differently. I have 4 kids & 6 grand kids. They are all great & special, each in their own way. Ever been to a restaraunt and a toddler in the next booth pokes their head over and you start playing peek-a-boo? Ever taken your kids to the playground and watch other children play? I know I look or watch other children all the time, especially toddlers and babies. They are fascinating, funny, interesting. My guess is many of you feel the same. I would also guess that none of you think to yourself - "_I wish that was my kid_" or "_he's so much cuter or funnier than mine_" or "_I wish mine had a smile like that_". So why am I looking at them? I have a child, aren't they enough?
> 
> *Nope nothing new there at all. I hear this rationale over and over again from men.*
> 
> I realize this analogy breaks down if you over analyze it. *It's not the same you say!!!* But the mindset is *EXACTLY* the same. At least for me.


*No I don't think your analogy is a good comparison. I would put that under the category as "people watching". And people watching is just being observant of what's going on around you. Not capturing images for sexual purposes later.*

Ok I bit. I will probably try and keep that as my only post on this one.


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## Kurosity

I like the child analogy! I actually do not get upset or hurt when I catch my husband checking out other women. I do have to catch him though because men I swear are trained to hide it. Now I would have a problem with it if he started to drool and loose his mind. LOL


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## rj700

CandieGirl said:


> One good thing about my husband, I've never seen/noticed him do this while we are together. I love that about him.
> 
> But I did tell him my 'Sveltlana' story...so that might be why...


I'll have to look that one up to understand the reference. Is it a thread on here?


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## rj700

HopelesslyJaded said:


> No I don't think your analogy is a good comparison. I would put that under the category as "people watching". And people watching is just being observant of what's going on around you. Not capturing images for sexual purposes later.


Point taken, but just to clarify - I don't look for that purpose.


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## Kurosity

Oh and I would like to add that I know that not every time men look at a woman it is not for sexual reasons, although the largest percent of time is sexual thought inducing, 
I also hate it when woman become upset like they have never felt an once of attraction for a man they see out on the street. We do it too!


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## southern wife

Kurosity said:


> I like the child analogy! I actually do not get upset or hurt when I catch my husband checking out other women. I do have to catch him though because men I swear are trained to hide it. Now I would have a problem with it if he started to drool and loose his mind. LOL


I like it, too, and it does make sense. My daughter gets so jealous when I "play peek a boo" with babies at restaurants. I'm sure hubs would get jealous and upset if I played hide and go seek with another man!


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## Kurosity

southern wife said:


> I like it, too, and it does make sense. My daughter gets so jealous when I "play peek a boo" with babies at restaurants. I'm sure hubs would get jealous and upset if I played hide and go seek with another man!


Yeah he would be slightly upset. LOL!!:rofl::rofl:


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## CandieGirl

No, no thread; I was once out at a busy downtown bar with my sister, a friend, and my boyfriend. Well, in walks this very young, beautiful blonde, wearing a tube top and tight white low rise jeans. My boyfriend watched her walk in, and proceeded to gawk at her repeatedly. Of course, I noticed. I gave him one chance...I asked him "What are you looking at?". "Nothing" he says...But it was a fair warning that I have noticed him noticing  But he kept on gawking. At one point, she got up, and moved in a direction that caused my BF to literally crane his neck to see her. At that point, slightly amused, I got up and began to call the young woman over. "Excuse me??? Excuse me miss??? Yes! You in the white pants! Could you come over here please???" *Svetlana starts making her way* over as my BF hisses "What the eff are you DOING????"...so I said "Well, I'm calling Svetlana over so that you can introduce yourself! You seemed VERY interested in her, so I though I'd help you out!"...he begged me to stop. I told Svetlana "Sorry, I thought you were someone else!" and that was the end of it. LMAO!!!

I'm not usually one for public humiliation, but in this guy's case, it wasn't the first time he'd behaved this way while out with me, and he was in his late 40's at the time, so give me a break! He was already out with a 10 years younger hot chick (me) so shouldn't have been pushing his luck in the first place!


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## rj700

Kurosity said:


> Oh and I would like to add that I know that not every time men look at a woman it is not for sexual reasons, although the largest percent of time is sexual thought inducing,
> I also hate it when woman become upset like they have never felt an once of attraction for a man they see out on the street. We do it too!


But many of you enjoy or appreciate when you are the object of a man's gaze. This is not directed at you, but how can a women be upset if her man does it, but appreciate or enjoy it when another man looks at her?


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## southern wife

CandieGirl said:


> No, no thread; I was once out at a busy downtown bar with my sister, a friend, and my boyfriend. Well, in walks this very young, beautiful blonde, wearing a tube top and tight white low rise jeans. My boyfriend watched her walk in, and proceeded to gawk at her repeatedly. Of course, I noticed. I gave him one chance...I asked him "What are you looking at?". "Nothing" he says...But it was a fair warning that I have noticed him noticing  But he kept on gawking. At one point, she got up, and moved in a direction that caused my BF to literally crane his neck to see her. At that point, slightly amused, I got up and began to call the young woman over. "Excuse me??? Excuse me miss??? Yes! You in the white pants! Could you come over here please???" *Svetlana starts making her way* over as my BF hisses "What the eff are you DOING????"...so I said "Well, I'm calling Svetlana over so that you can introduce yourself! You seemed VERY interested in her, so I though I'd help you out!"...he begged me to stop. I told Svetlana "Sorry, I thought you were someone else!" and that was the end of it. LMAO!!!
> 
> I'm not usually one for public humiliation, but in this guy's case, it wasn't the first time he'd behaved this way while out with me, and he was in his late 40's at the time, so give me a break! He was already out with a 10 years younger hot chick (me) so shouldn't have been pushing his luck in the first place!


:smthumbup: :lol: You GO girl!!!! :rofl:


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## Kurosity

when it is obnoxious you should call them on it! He was all ready making a butt of him self you were just going to help him.


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## wiigirl

HopelesslyJaded said:


> *No I don't think your analogy is a good comparison. I would put that under the category as "people watching". And people watching is just being observant of what's going on around you. Not capturing images for sexual purposes later.*
> 
> Ok I bit. I will probably try and keep that as my only post on this one.


 :iagree:

Personally I love to people watch....








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lalsr1988

CandieGirl said:


> No, no thread; I was once out at a busy downtown bar with my sister, a friend, and my boyfriend. Well, in walks this very young, beautiful blonde, wearing a tube top and tight white low rise jeans. My boyfriend watched her walk in, and proceeded to gawk at her repeatedly. Of course, I noticed. I gave him one chance...I asked him "What are you looking at?". "Nothing" he says...But it was a fair warning that I have noticed him noticing  But he kept on gawking. At one point, she got up, and moved in a direction that caused my BF to literally crane his neck to see her. At that point, slightly amused, I got up and began to call the young woman over. "Excuse me??? Excuse me miss??? Yes! You in the white pants! Could you come over here please???" *Svetlana starts making her way* over as my BF hisses "What the eff are you DOING????"...so I said "Well, I'm calling Svetlana over so that you can introduce yourself! You seemed VERY interested in her, so I though I'd help you out!"...he begged me to stop. I told Svetlana "Sorry, I thought you were someone else!" and that was the end of it. LMAO!!!
> 
> I'm not usually one for public humiliation, but in this guy's case, it wasn't the first time he'd behaved this way while out with me, and he was in his late 40's at the time, so give me a break! He was already out with a 10 years younger hot chick (me) so shouldn't have been pushing his luck in the first place!


lol this.is epic....but my sarcastic ass would have went through with the introduction, then thanked you...then when you glared at me I would say "well you called her over!!!!"

After that I would probably have to walk home in the cold rain with a swollen jaw
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kurosity

rj700 said:


> But many of you enjoy or appreciate when you are the object of a man's gaze. This is not directed at you, but how can a women be upset if her man does it, but appreciate or enjoy it when another man looks at her?



I am not sure why. Could be that it is attention vs. the stolen attention? 
Most women compare them selves to other women all the time. Things like "wish my hair would look like that" or " Her legs are so wonderful." Might be part of the issue?
I think that there is a high chance that because we know men are visual that we think they are automatically checking "her" out because of some sex related thought. But there is that chance that like men are trained to hide it we are trained to be offended by it? IDK really.


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## Dad&Hubby

I love this topic. It's truly shows an INCREDIBLE double standard. I'm wondering how many of the women complaining about their men looking at other women were there on opening night of Magic Mike. Or the women who complain about their men looking at porn, were in 50 shades of grey book clubs. 

I'm not a gawker, actually I rarely notice other women, not that I don't at all, but it's usually a very fleeting thing because I'm not, and have never been an ogler. My wife checks out other men more than I check out other women, but she's not a big ogler either. Both of us are discreet and frankly neither of us would ever notice that the other is doing it. Not being secret about it, we both just don't put a big emphasis on it.

I want to hear from the women who get upset that their husbands look at other women tell me that they don't check out other guys (in person or on screen). If you do then leave your husband alone, except for when he's disrespectful about it. Then address the disrespect not the looking.


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## HopelesslyJaded

I honestly did not check out other men until there were issues in my marriage.

I will admit to thinking an actor here or there was hot but they might as well be cartoons "not real". And the thought of them never carried over into the bedroom or "solo sessions".

Thank goodness Magic Mike came out so that men now how have a platform to stand on. LOL Man that one movies measures up to the thousands of full nudity shots of women and the gross overabundance of female strip clubs.


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## Dad&Hubby

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I honestly did not check out other men until there were issues in my marriage.
> 
> I will admit to thinking an actor here or there was hot but they might as well be cartoons "not real". And the thought of them never carried over into the bedroom or "solo sessions".
> 
> Thank goodness Magic Mike came out so that men now how have a platform to stand on. LOL Man that one movies measures up to the thousands of full nudity shots of women and the gross overabundance of female strip clubs.


Well a couple things.

What's different about finding Brad Pitt attractive versus finding the woman walking in front of you at the supermarket attractive? Is it the availability? Then what you're saying is you don't trust your man, not that it's wrong for him to look. Looking is looking, regardless if the person is 5 feet in front of you or on a big screen. They are both human beings. The issue is in the insecurity of the person, because one is a zero chance to get while the other is a possibility. 

I love how you dismiss the opposite side of the argument because Magic Mike is "only one movie versus all of the things men have". My issue isn't in Magic Mike. My wife saw that movie and I've never been to a strip club, so what do you say about that? My point is women have to accept that double standards are wrong and don't complain about your husband looking when you look. As much as a lot (NOT ALL) women liked Magic Mike for the obvious reason (checking out half naked men), they hate that it exposed that they check out half naked men. LOL

Now Hopelessly, I'm not saying a man who gawks is acceptable. It's not. THAT is disrespectful. Just like any woman who hooped it up at the Magic Mike showing was disrespectful in my opinion. Or any man who gets touchy feely with a stripper is disrespectful. THAT is bad behavior. But "noticing" someone is attractive isn't. It's what you do after the noticing that can be an issue. And I would probably agree with you more than you think about it.


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## HopelesslyJaded

If you look at my first post there I pointed out a difference in noticing attractive people and recognizing them for that and making them into sexual objects, picturing them naked and using them to masturbate too. 

When noticing it's usually just a quick observation, fleeting and no not really obvious. The OP (while i get he was speaking of himself) almost defined looking and noticing other women as seeing them in a sexual manner or an object of fantasy. Which opened up the gates to that discussion.

Yes, I will admit availability does play a factor in how my mind processes it. I think it kind of goes back to what another poster said earlier. We as women tend to compare ourselves to other women (no not all, some are just born with all the confidence and all in the world, GOOD FOR THEM) and if I were to notice him obviously oggling then I would probably assess her from head to toe recognizing what parts looked better than mine and vice versa.

Personal experience shapes us all and mine I am sure hasn't helped this.

Added: Oh believe me we know double standards are wrong. You see alot of it on here coming from the other direction.


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## rj700

If we are going to go off on a tangent from my OP, I'd prefer it to be why it is ok for a woman to enjoy or appreciate another man's gaze, but not ok for her man to look at someone else.

Kurosity: I think you've made a few very interesting points. And Jaded took my comment about using the image for DYI too literally. There was a fair amount of intended humor or sarcasm in that remark. I don't look for the purpose of sex or to "record" an image for later use (forget which movie where he says "I'm taking snapshots"). I don't doubt that some men do that and specifically for that purpose.

But I think many men do it cause women are beautiful. They are "designed" to attract attention. Looking may induce an arousal, but that's not why some of us look, at least not consciously. 

You said women compare themselves to other women, I think that is more likely the underlying cause for them being upset when their man does it. They compare themselves, so that assume men do it too. But men don't think like women --- that's why I used to toddler/baby analogy --- to give us some common ground.


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## HopelesslyJaded

rj700 said:


> I don't look for the purpose of sex or to "record" an image for later use (forget which movie where he says "I'm taking snapshots"). I don't doubt that some men do that and specifically for that purpose.


That would be Hall Pass and that is exactly what came to mind when I read your post.


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## Dad&Hubby

HopelesslyJaded said:


> If you look at my first post there I pointed out a difference in noticing attractive people and recognizing them for that and making them into sexual objects, picturing them naked and using them to masturbate too.
> 
> When noticing it's usually just a quick observation, fleeting and no not really obvious. The OP (while i get he was speaking of himself) almost defined looking and noticing other women as seeing them in a sexual manner or an object of fantasy. Which opened up the gates to that discussion.
> 
> Yes, I will admit availability does play a factor in how my mind processes it. I think it kind of goes back to what another poster said earlier. We as women tend to compare ourselves to other women (no not all, some are just born with all the confidence and all in the world, GOOD FOR THEM) and if I were to notice him obviously oggling then I would probably assess her from head to toe recognizing what parts looked better than mine and vice versa.
> 
> Personal experience shapes us all and mine I am sure hasn't helped this.


I'm sorry for any bad personal experiences, a lot of men need to get a clue. And I TOTALLY 100% agree with everything you say here.

I know that if my wife was an "ogler" and gave herself whiplash because some construction worker took his shirt off, it'd bother me too. As secure and confident as I am with my relationship, that would definitely get to me too.

PS on the movie issue, if you want a movie that puts Magic Mike to shame....Watch 300 LOL. It's got lots of blood and battle but it's got more washboards than the entire Mississippi River. One of my buddies was really bothered by his wife going to Magic Mike, and yet 300 is one of his favorite movies of all time. I said to him, "So you're bothered by your wife watching 5 or 6 guys getting down to their skivies but you have no problem when it's 300?" "Well that's different." "Not to your wife LOL, doesn't she usually watch that movie with you, and yet she's a pacifist LOL." The look on his face was priceless. He never connected the dots before.


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## HopelesslyJaded

I have seen 300. LOL Not many testosterone fest movies get unwatched in my house.


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## Dad&Hubby

rj700 said:


> If we are going to go off on a tangent from my OP, I'd prefer it to be why it is ok for a woman to enjoy or appreciate another man's gaze, but not ok for her man to look at someone else.
> 
> Kurosity: I think you've made a few very interesting points. And Jaded took my comment about using the image for DYI too literally. There was a fair amount of intended humor or sarcasm in that remark. I don't look for the purpose of sex or to "record" an image for later use (forget which movie where he says "I'm taking snapshots"). I don't doubt that some men do that and specifically for that purpose.
> 
> But I think many men do it cause women are beautiful. They are "designed" to attract attention. Looking may induce an arousal, but that's not why some of us look, at least not consciously.
> 
> You said women compare themselves to other women, I think that is more likely the underlying cause for them being upset when their man does it. They compare themselves, so that assume men do it too. But men don't think like women --- that's why I used to toddler/baby analogy --- to give us some common ground.


In regards to enjoying a man's gaze versus having their man be the gazer at other women..well that's easy. Another man is just that, a stranger, anonymous person who you'll never know. Their man doing it hits the security issue. It's harder (for some) to feel secure when their SO is checking out other people (man or woman).


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## HopelesslyJaded

Dad&Hubby said:


> In regards to enjoying a man's gaze versus having their man be the gazer at other women..well that's easy. Another man is just that, a stranger, anonymous person who you'll never know. Their man doing it hits the security issue. It's harder (for some) to feel secure when their SO is checking out other people (man or woman).


I will add to this. Because they re strangers we don't know if they are married or not. If we find out a guy that was oggling us is married it turns from a confidence boost to disgusting. So I guess it only works if we assume they are single. LOL That probably didn't make sense to some of you but I know I have friends who think this way.


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## HopelesslyJaded

I will add though that there are many women out there whom this doesn't bother. They actually notice their men noticing other women and don't flinch. The majority of the times those women have never felt betrayal in their marraige or had trust broken. So those thoughts don't naturally occur to be upset.


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## rj700

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I will add to this. Because they re strangers we don't know if they are married or not. If we find out a guy that was oggling us is married it turns from a confidence boost to disgusting. So I guess it only works if we assume they are single. LOL That probably didn't make sense to some of you but I know I have friends who think this way.


It makes perfect sense, but only when combined with the term "oggling". And I think everyone here agrees, including me, is that oggling is not appropriate behavior for a married man. Oggling and looking are two different things. I mentioned that my wife called me out (long ago) for oggling, not for looking, and she was correct in doing so.


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## HopelesslyJaded

rj700 said:


> It makes perfect sense, but only when combined with the term "oggling". And I think everyone here agrees, including me, is that oggling is not appropriate behavior for a married man. Oggling and looking are two different things. I mentioned that my wife called me out (long ago) for oggling, not for looking, and she was correct in doing so.


I say oggling because we probably don't notice the ones who just notice. Rare is it you have that split second eye contact from someone "just noticing" you.


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## SimplyAmorous

Dad&Hubby said:


> I love this topic. It's truly shows an INCREDIBLE double standard. I'm wondering how many of the women complaining about their men looking at other women were there on opening night of Magic Mike. Or the women who complain about their men looking at porn, were in 50 shades of grey book clubs.


 I am not a double standard woman, I fully understand my husband enjoys a quick look - and heck, I am visual too. I see this as just being human, and it shows our hormones are working as they should, nothing more -unless we take it over some threshold in oogling -as is being discussed here. 

We are so open with each other on this sort of thing..... some women might CRINGE.... but in this -it gives us freedom and even acceptance of each other, if that makes any sense at all. Neither one of us has ever felt "disrespected", so for us, we are good. 

We also enjoy some porn together (never watch it alone), I so enjoy a HOT *R* or Unrated amorous scene, a steamy lusty romance novel too.  These things make the world go round...a little fantasy...it's all good....I wouldn't down myself for it. 


He downloads Playboy Bunnies, whatever floats his boat, he ironically doesn't get off to any of them ...but waits for me every time, he has been this way our entire marraige...... so how can I complain. Love him for that. 

My husband went with me to see *Magic Mike*...Of course I enjoyed that more than him -but he thought the plot was decent. 

Was another thread with this very subject....alot of the men got chewed out in it. >>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/24519-way-men-really-think.html

I think Unbelievable's answer (page 12) was the most balanced of how a Man thinks...what automatically goes through his head... I asked my husband , even our oldest Worship Leader son, they both had similar views as to this....*Unbelievable said *>>


> I have already said that fixating on a woman (ie, imaging an actual sex act with her or fantasizing about her stripping) is a bit creepy and, of course, that is a choice. My point is that there is an immediate "yes", "no", "Maybe if I was drunk" sort of selection going on for the briefest of nanoseconds in every male brain (at least the straight ones).
> 
> Having been male for nearly 50 years, I have been "listening" to "yep", "nope", "no way in hell", etc every day for at least 40 years. Of the thousands of guys I have worked and lived closely with, they all seem to have the same thing going on. Naturally, only a creton would attempt to act on those thoughts and one would be sort of a perv to dwell on the subject and create disgusting mental scenarios.
> 
> I'm a Christian and I'm married. Neither experience rendered me blind or oblivious to my surroundings. The OP asked how men thought and I've given the most honest answer I can.


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## Matt1720

theres a difference between a quick check-out and lecherous going-to-crash-my-car-because-an-eighteen-year-old-is-jogging. The latter just creeps me out, and I notice it all the time.


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## 2ntnuf

I looked at other women in last marriage. Tried not to make it obvious. 

It is hardwired into a man to look. If it were not, clothing companies would make the same clothing for men as women. There would be no need for make-up or hair styles. What woman would want to wear a high-heeled shoe?

Though I looked, I never, yes, never placed an image in my mind of some one other than my wife when we were having sex. 

I had images of my wife in some other position or doing something naughty. Too bad she didn't want to talk about what she liked cause it would have opened me up for a lot of new things running around in my head.

Oh well. Don't stare. It isn't polite.


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## Deejo

Ah yes ... the 'checklist'.

That went 35 pages. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> I am not a double standard woman, I fully understand my husband enjoys a quick look - and heck, I am visual too. I see this as just being human, and it shows our hormones are working as they should, nothing more -unless we take it over some threshold in oogling -as is being discussed here.
> 
> We are so open with each other on this sort of thing..... some women might CRINGE.... but in this -it gives us freedom and even acceptance of each other, if that makes any sense at all. Neither one of us has ever felt "disrespected", so for us, we are good.
> 
> We also enjoy some porn together (never watch it alone), I so enjoy a HOT *R* or Unrated amorous scene, a steamy lusty romance novel too.  These things make the world go round...a little fantasy...it's all good....I wouldn't down myself for it.
> 
> 
> He downloads Playboy Bunnies, whatever floats his boat, he ironically doesn't get off to any of them ...but waits for me every time, he has been this way our entire marraige...... so how can I complain. Love him for that.
> 
> My husband went with me to see *Magic Mike*...Of course I enjoyed that more than him -but he thought the plot was decent.
> 
> Was another thread with this very subject....alot of the men got chewed out in it. >>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/24519-way-men-really-think.html
> 
> I think Unbelievable's answer (page 12) was the most balanced of how a Man thinks...what automatically goes through his head... I asked my husband , even our oldest Worship Leader son, they both had similar views as to this....*Unbelievable said *>>


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## Caribbean Man

I don't really stare at a woman. We exchange glances , a little nod and that's it.
They get no " confidence boosting " stare from me.

But on the other hand,
Women do a " double take " at me all the time.


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## Lon

southern wife said:


> I like it, too, and it does make sense. My daughter gets so jealous when I "play peek a boo" with babies at restaurants. I'm sure hubs would get jealous and upset if I played hide and go seek with another man!


This is exactly it though - with the baby in a restaurant mindset, there is nothing inappropriate about playing peekaboo, making funny faces etc but when you are people watching and see a gorgeous woman its why it is inappropriate to play peekaboo and make funny faces at her (ie flirting) when you are attached. The important difference is not in the sexual attraction part rather the appropriate behavior part. So let the guy look, even enjoy (the same way a lady would look at and enjoy another person's baby in a restaurant) but no peekaboo.


----------



## Bellavista

My husband was bad for noticing women on the TV & making comments about them.
This upset our 2 teenage daughters, so we all spoke to him when he did this one night, made a comment about an actresses rack.
He had no idea this upset us all, so has stopped commenting (to us). I can't stop what is in his head.
Occasionally when we are out, he might comment on the attractiveness of a female we see, but this is not done in a "I want to jump her bones' type way. The same way I might comment that a male we see is well put together.
The OPs explanation makes sense to me.


----------



## HopelesslyJaded

I asked my husband if when he saw a woman did he immediately size her up as doable or not like mentioned previously (yes, no, maybe etc) and he said no.

According to this thread all men do this because they are hardwired to. So am I to believe he's fibbing for my benefit?


----------



## heartsbeating

My friend and I were heading out the office to work-out last week. We had changed our clothes, ready to hit the track, but feeling tired from the day, we were joking about going to the pub instead and forgetting the whole 'exercise' thing lol. As we exited, there was a woman in a skirt suit with amazing legs. We looked at each other and said "Right, let's start jogging!" lol.

I've never seen my man oggle. A quick glance maybe...barely, but I acknowledge he has eyes in his head. We pass the jogging track on the way to work and there's lots of fit people in those form-fitting leggings. He'd have to have blinkers over his eyes not to notice lol. There's a level of respect though when it comes to these things. I've never felt his attention wasn't with me. 


As for being looked at...last night on my way home, the guy who was standing next to me kept looking over my way. I was tired and really wanted a seat. I glanced across every so often, more just being aware of what's happening around me/safety. A woman who was sitting down needed to get up, so I made as much room as possible for her to move from her seat with the large bags she was carrying, and at the same time there was a lurch and I wasn't holding on to anything and ended up falling into the dude. I felt a right idiot. I apologized, he said it was fine and asked if I was okay. I smiled and said yes thanks, then sat down. (hoorah for scoring a seat!) So if he was indeed looking my way before, from my perspective, what was going on in _my_ mind was "I'm tired, my feet hurt, did I lock the cabinet at work? I hope I get a seat soon, why is that dude looking at me?"


----------



## Lon

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I asked my husband if when he saw a woman did he immediately size her up as doable or not like mentioned previously (yes, no, maybe etc) and he said no.
> 
> According to this thread all men do this because they are hardwired to. *So am I to believe he's fibbing for my benefit?*


----------



## gbrad

I have always looked at other women. When in relationships or when not. I remember being in class in college and looking around the room and the girls in the class based on doability or datability. It was just a fun little game. Or sitting out in the quad area with some guy friends and checking out girls and putting them on the 1-10 scale. It's just what we did. We looked at women we checked them out. Now that I am older and married I don't do it to the same extent, but I look at every woman I see, but I also look at every man I see. Depending on the mood I am in, sometimes I look at the women and ask myself where they fall on the scale. And then I walk away hoping they are checking me out. I know nothing will come of it, but it's just nice being noticed. 
I have a friend (significantly older) who when we go to the mall with our significant others we will sometimes sit down while they do some shopping and just check out the "scenery" as it passes by. We give each other looks, let each other know of whats coming from the other direction. Just an overall good time. We know nothing will come of it, but it's just nice to notice a good view.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I asked my husband if when he saw a woman did he immediately size her up as doable or not like mentioned previously (yes, no, maybe etc) and he said no.
> 
> According to this thread all men do this because they are hardwired to. So am I to believe he's fibbing for my benefit?


I don't think he's fibbing at all. Like I said before, I'm not an ogler, I'm not even much of a looker, but occasionally a woman does grab my eye if you will. It's always a quick look and then it goes away. I never start imagining "doing her" or even doing the whole "yeah I'd do her or no I wouldn't" thing. It never gets that far.

The best example I can give FOR MYSELF when it comes to looking at other women would be like the dogs (bad analogy but hey whatever) from the movie UP (the animated movie with the balloons, those with kids probably have seen it). The dogs are talking and going about their business, then suddenly "SQUIRREL" then 2 seconds later back to their business.

Some women are my squirrels I guess LOL.


----------



## Trenton

That other thread was funny! I really liked the assless chaps part and this...

bayonet charge...LOL! WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by Locard 
*Hmm, I wonder how GIRRLLLL POWER would stand up to a bayonet charge.* As a veteran, don't take that the wrong way or an affront to our service women as it is not mean to be as they have also sacrificed. 

What is trubling how quickly mans sacrifices and contributions for society have be tosed into the PC trashcan under the delusion of girl power/ feminism. Add in divorce theft and yeah, guys have it great!

Response from Brennan:
Huh?


----------



## HopelesslyJaded

Trenton said:


> That other thread was funny! I really liked the assless chaps part and this...
> 
> bayonet charge...LOL! WTF
> 
> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Locard
> *Hmm, I wonder how GIRRLLLL POWER would stand up to a bayonet charge.* As a veteran, don't take that the wrong way or an affront to our service women as it is not mean to be as they have also sacrificed.
> 
> What is trubling how quickly mans sacrifices and contributions for society have be tosed into the PC trashcan under the delusion of girl power/ feminism. Add in divorce theft and yeah, guys have it great!
> 
> Response from Brennan:
> Huh?


I guess you had to be there?


----------



## Trenton

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I guess you had to be there?


You can go there if you really want as it's all included in that way too long thread posted by SA in this thread but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it!


----------



## tobio

For me...

I get the principle behind why guys look. I understand.

I have always noticed my husband looking. Prior to his EA it didn't bother me. In fact I'd joke, say something like, do you want me to introduce you?

After his EA, yes it bothers me. I can just about tolerate the glance. However he doesn't always just do the glance, it's often a long look, particularly when he's driving. Because we have a van, girls walking by are always looking to check out what I imagine the ripped construction worker driving looks like, so his stares get noticed. When I'm sat next to him, right there... it's pretty humiliating. He has his wife sat right next to him yet he's checking out girls on the street.

I feel like *that* says a lot about me.


----------



## couple

Like most men I notice a woman's nice features. They don't have to be a knock-out beauty overall but if they have a nice face, a figure that I'm attracted to (womanly/curvy) or have other features that I appreciate then I will look at those features as well as appreciate the 'whole package'. I even notice nice feminine arms and stuff like that. 

I also appreciate my wife's nice features. I just am very attracted to women physically...sorry but I'm a hetero guy.

Although there is no deep lust and I don't turn into an animal when I see a woman that I'm attracted to it's definitely an ATTRACTION so it's nothing like seeing a cute kid at the park which is certainly very different (at least for me and I hope others here too).


----------



## Cosmos

Men look at other women _for the same reason women look at other men_. The only difference being that women are wired to not do it as openly as (some) men do. We're wired this way because back in the cave days, a woman so much as looking at another man would have resulted in a fight to the death.

Looking is healthy. Ogling is disrespectful and rude.


----------



## cloudwithleggs

rj700 said:


> Nothing new or ground breaking here. But let me try to frame it just a bit differently. I have 4 kids & 6 grand kids. They are all great & special, each in their own way. Ever been to a restaraunt and a toddler in the next booth pokes their head over and you start playing peek-a-boo? Ever taken your kids to the playground and watch other children play? I know I look or watch other children all the time, especially toddlers and babies. They are fascinating, funny, interesting. My guess is many of you feel the same. I would also guess that none of you think to yourself - "_I wish that was my kid_" or "_he's so much cuter or funnier than mine_" or "_I wish mine had a smile like that_". So why am I looking at them? I have a child, aren't they enough?
> 
> I realize this analogy breaks down if you over analyze it. *It's not the same you say!!!* But the mindset is *EXACTLY* the same. At least for me.


This analogy is very strange, i think you have missed a serious fact and that is *sexual* when a woman or a man stares at the opposite sex it is for sexual reasons, looking at a cute child is non sexual, so the two could never compare.

Any man or woman that stares enough for the partner to notice is being totally disrespectful and should really reconsider such behaviour in the company of ones serious other.


----------



## HopelesslyJaded

cloudwithleggs said:


> This analogy is very strange, i think you have missed a serious fact and that is *sexual* when a woman or a man stares at the opposite sex it is for sexual reasons, looking at a cute child is non sexual, so the two could never compare.
> 
> Any man or woman that stares enough for the partner to notice is being totally disrespectful and should really reconsider such behaviour in the company of ones serious other.


Since you made this comment. I feel compelled to ask. Feeling this way why would you post a topless photo of yourself on a forum of mostly married men even if you partially covered your breasts with a censor bar? Some would think it would have been to purposely conjure up sexually thoughts and long stares from the men.

Is it because they presumably look at this forum without the wife, hence they wouldn't notice them staring, therefore making it ok?


----------



## Stonewall

Men look at other women because they are beautiful works of art. When I see a beautiful woman I am reminded of a scripture that says "He doeth all things well". 

Not only do men look at them but women look at them too. I have heard my beautiful wife say on countless occasions how this girl or that girl is beautiful or sometimes she will say " shes a hot tamale".

I absolutely love that part of her that can talk to me and allow me to talk about it without me feeling like I have to be a phony and say something like "no she doesnt look that good to me".

I love that we are so closely connected and safe with each other that we can talk about anything like that. We can talk about anything including anything sexual without being thought of as a perv. It allows me to feel like I can truely share my soul with her.

She notices good looking men too though she doesnt bring it up to me. Not because she cant but because she is trying to protect my ego I suspect.

I once told her that if I didnt notice a beautiful woman like that then I would be no use to her.


----------



## Caribbean Man

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I asked my husband if when he saw a woman did he immediately size her up as doable or not like mentioned previously (yes, no, maybe etc) and he said no.
> 
> According to this thread all men do this because they are hardwired to. So am I to believe he's fibbing for my benefit?


No Hope,
All men are not hard wired like that.
A woman's beauty and sensuality or sexuality are two SEPARATE things.
Some men can appreciate beauty.
Some can only appreciate sex.


----------



## Cosmos

2ntnuf said:


> It is hardwired into a man to look. _If it were not, clothing companies would make the same clothing for men as women. There would be no need for make-up or hair styles. What woman would want to wear a high-heeled shoe?_


Actually, I think you'll find that most women wear make-up, have their hair styled and wear high-heeled shoes for _themselves_, rather than for attracting men. I wear make-up and keep myself well groomed whether I'm going out or spending the day home alone.


----------



## Deejo

I gave up on this entire discussion in the last thread.

Most men notice other attractive women.

Most men do not stare at, or consciously manufacture sexual fantasies about attractive women they have noticed.

Trying to rationalize, justify or defend it is rather pointless. And if you do stare at other women while with your partner ... and get caught ... you're an idiot.

If you're going to be an idiot, be a good one, don't get caught.


----------



## CandieGirl

I hate 50 Shades of Grey type stuff, have no interest in whatever the phuck Magic Mike is, and I don't check out other men. I've never checked out men the way men check out women. As a tall blonde, I've never been more gawked at by men in my life, some of them young enough to be my sons...I don't enjoy it at all.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dig how pissed off the women would get when their men checked me out...LOL...


----------



## Deejo

Cosmos said:


> Actually, I think you'll find that most women wear make-up, have their hair styled and wear high-heeled shoes for _themselves_, rather than for attracting men. I wear make-up and keep myself well groomed whether I'm going out or spending the day home alone.


Cripes ... sucked in again.

Actually this goes a very long way in explaining why women may not understand the 'check out' phenomena.

Revealing clothing, and quite specifically, make-up are both sexual adaptations whose goal is specifically, and intrinsically to attract members of the opposite sex. I can understand if the purpose of those things has been transcribed into the collective consciousness as meaning something else in order to tastefully justify them NOW ... but for example, the origin of red lipstick actually was intended to signify the willingness of a woman to perform fellatio.

Not making it up: http://www.askcandace.com/Lipstick.pdf

So ...

When I check out a woman, and I do ... all of the time ...
I am not sexualizing her. I am making a split-second, unconscious decision whether or not I find her attractive ... thus why revealing clothing and make up lend themselves to stacking the deck, attraction wise. Gives a woman an edge, from a historical, sexual perspective.

We are hard-wired to look.
You are hard-wired to want to make us look. (When looking for a mate)

Always new and exciting things to learn here on TAM.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Cosmos said:


> Men look at other women _for the same reason women look at other men_. The only difference being that women are wired to not do it as openly as (some) men do. We're wired this way because back in the cave days, a woman so much as looking at another man would have resulted in a fight to the death.
> 
> *Looking is healthy. Ogling is disrespectful and rude.*


:iagree:

Men tend to take it overboard.


----------



## Trenton

Deejo said:


> Cripes ... sucked in again.
> 
> Actually this goes a very long way in explaining why women may not understand the 'check out' phenomena.
> 
> Revealing clothing, and quite specifically, make-up are both sexual adaptations whose goal is specifically, and intrinsically to attract members of the opposite sex. I can understand if the purpose of those things has been transcribed into the collective consciousness as meaning something else in order to tastefully justify them NOW ... but for example, the origin of red lipstick actually was intended to signify the willingness of a woman to perform fellatio.
> 
> Not making it up: http://www.askcandace.com/Lipstick.pdf
> 
> So ...
> 
> When I check out a woman, and I do ... all of the time ...
> I am not sexualizing her. I am making a split-second, unconscious decision whether or not I find her attractive ... thus why revealing clothing and make up lend themselves to stacking the deck, attraction wise. Gives a woman an edge, from a historical, sexual perspective.
> 
> We are hard-wired to look.
> You are hard-wired to want to make us look. (When looking for a mate)
> 
> Always new and exciting things to learn here on TAM.


If I were hard wired to poo my pants in public, you wouldn't find it attractive. I'm thinking I'd find ways to not poo my pants in public and maybe I then wouldn't go in public at all if I thought it was a remote possibility.

So maybe men shouldn't be let out of the house. 

Above you say that women are hard wired to make men look but only when looking for a mate. How come men are not only hard wired to look when looking for a mate? A blip in the DNA code there or something?

The other question is, not all men say they look. Is that a blip in the DNA code, a flaw or an advancement in their evolution?


----------



## that_girl

I just went to 7-11 for coffee...wearing a big, ugly sweater, polka dot pants, and my hair on top of my head in a bun. No makeup, no glasses (couldn't see crap)....I promise NO ONE was looking. :rofl:

That's how I go out when I go get coffee ...and soon, I'll go out like that to get my hair cut. Only people looking are the people saying, "What...the....eff...." whatev.


----------



## norajane

that_girl said:


> I just went to 7-11 for coffee...wearing a big, ugly sweater, polka dot pants, and my hair on top of my head in a bun. No makeup, no glasses (couldn't see crap)....I promise NO ONE was looking. :rofl:
> 
> That's how I go out when I go get coffee ...and soon, I'll go out like that to get my hair cut. Only people looking are the people saying, "What...the....eff...." whatev.


We're wondering why your family hasn't signed you up for "What Not to Wear" yet! :rofl:

Seriously, if anyone has watched that show, you'd understand that yes, sometimes women want to dress well with nice hair and make-up to attract men or to be attractive to the man in their lives. But most of the time, women do it to feel good about themselves - putting your best foot forward. It's not all about men.


----------



## that_girl

When I get dressed for work, I look and feel good. It's not for the men, it's for my profession.

When I go out during the day, and it's not in my jammies, I look nice, so I don't embarrass my kids :lol: 

When I go out with my husband, I look hot, so I know he's lookin'.


----------



## MrsKy

When we are together, my husband is too busy gazing at me to notice other women. The staring is a bit unsettling, but when I bring it up, my husband says: "Don't get upset when I look at you baby. I just think you are beautiful and I like to admire my wife."

I know we are married but not dead. I notice sexy men, so I think my husband notices sexy ladies too. It doesn't matter where he gets his appetite, as long as he eats at home! :smthumbup:


----------



## pidge70

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Since you made this comment. I feel compelled to ask. Feeling this way why would you post a topless photo of yourself on a forum of mostly married men even if you partially covered your breasts with a censor bar? Some would think it would have been to purposely conjure up sexually thoughts and long stares from the men.
> 
> Is it because they presumably look at this forum without the wife, hence they wouldn't notice them staring, therefore making it ok?


 Nice one! I think I like you....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl

I don't notice if men look. I know that the Latino men around here make it OBVIOUS they are looking, but that's creepy to me. Hubs says he sees men look all the time when we're out (because I've dressed awesome for H....can't help if other men like it too), but I'm sure he'd laugh if he saw me go out in mah jammies.


----------



## Trenton

> Originally Posted by HopelesslyJaded
> Since you made this comment. I feel compelled to ask. Feeling this way why would you post a topless photo of yourself on a forum of mostly married men even if you partially covered your breasts with a censor bar? Some would think it would have been to purposely conjure up sexually thoughts and long stares from the men.
> 
> Is it because they presumably look at this forum without the wife, hence they wouldn't notice them staring, therefore making it ok?


^^^Missed the photo and that post^^^

So where's the photo? I like to judge too! I'm hard wired to (or something)!


----------



## Coffee Amore

Deejo said:


> If you're going to be an idiot, be a good one, don't get caught.


I agree. The really smart ones have developed super peripheral vision. :rofl:


----------



## pidge70

Trenton said:


> ^^^Missed the photo and that post^^^
> 
> So where's the photo? I like to judge too! I'm hard wired to (or something)!


Someone must have reported it and it was deleted. No idea who would do such a thing....;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

pidge70 said:


> Someone must have reported it and it was deleted. No idea who would do such a thing....;-)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


nope still there


----------



## Caribbean Man

Trenton said:


> ^^^Missed the photo and that post^^^
> 
> So where's the photo? I like to judge too! I'm hard wired to (or something)!


It was not a trashy photo.
IMO,it was a nice photo done in greyscale. 
I didn't see anything trashy about it.
And her breasts were fully covered.


----------



## CandieGirl

Where I work, I think the women dress up for each other! It's like a big competition among the 20-30ish gang...Do the men look? Absolutely! It would be hard not to, when everyday, they come in dressed to outdo one another. Me? I'm too old for that game


----------



## Caribbean Man

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Since you made this comment. I feel compelled to ask. Feeling this way why would you post a topless photo of yourself on a forum of mostly married men even if you partially covered your breasts with a censor bar? Some would think it would have been to purposely conjure up sexually thoughts and long stares from the men.
> 
> I*s it because they presumably look at this forum without the wife, hence they wouldn't notice them staring, therefore making it ok?*


So Hope,
Are you saying that if you saw your husband looking at that pic , 
You would be mad at him?


----------



## CandieGirl

Who posted this photo?


----------



## ocotillo

rj700 said:


> So with that said - yes I look at other women. And yes I typically imagine them naked. Yes I love my wife. No I don't compare them to her, nor do I think "_I wish my wife had a rack like that, or legs like that_". No I don't imagine having sex with them....


There's a beauty to the female body that goes beyond sexual attraction and there's a lot of gay men who will tell you that. Maybe that's why there's a disproportionate amount of gay men in industries dedicated to showing that beauty to its best possible advantage. 

This analogy might be crude, but even as a straight man, there's a helluva difference between noticing a nice car parked across the street and wanting to steal it.


----------



## that_girl

Well, Candie posted a pic of her P----, err, cat. :rofl:

Kidding. Just thought it was funny. I dont' know what pic they are talking about.


----------



## HopelesslyJaded

Caribbean Man said:


> So Hope,
> Are you saying that if you saw your husband looking at that pic ,
> You would be mad at him?


To comment on your earlier post. NO her breasts weren't FULLY covered. Convienent "side boob" left out as Peter Griffin would say.

And yeah if I caught him sitting there staring and smitten. Yep I probably would be aggravated. Well....these days maybe not as much because of my jaded status.


----------



## CandieGirl

that_girl said:


> Well, Candie posted a pic of her P----, err, cat. :rofl:
> 
> Kidding. Just thought it was funny. I dont' know what pic they are talking about.


You're a nut job! :rofl:

Remember when some arse told me I must be fat and I used a pic of myself in a bikini for awhile...! Raa ha ha ha!!!


----------



## Caribbean Man

HopelesslyJaded said:


> To comment on your earlier post. NO her breasts weren't FULLY covered. Convienent "side boob" left out as Peter Griffin would say.
> 
> And yeah if I caught him sitting there staring and smitten. Yep I probably would be aggravated. Well....these days maybe not as much because of my jaded status.


There was absolutely nothing overtly sexual about that picture,and I didn't even notice breasts" popping " out at the sides.
Anyway ,I see nothing wrong with a woman displaying her nude body ,once its tastefully done,and in context.

Same with the nude male form.

This forum may not be the place for it however,that's why it may have been pulled.

No love lost .
I always read her posts, and I still read them.


----------



## HopelesslyJaded

Thats the point. A forum full of troubled marriages and sexual dysfunction within those marriages is not the place.


----------



## Caribbean Man

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Thats the point. A forum full of troubled marriages and sexual dysfunction within those marriages is not the place.


But she posted it in the social section !
In any event,what does a troubled marriage have to do with a top shot of a half naked woman,with her breasts blocked out?

I saw a post about one month ago where a poster posted a picture of her purple penis shaped dildo, on her night stand, in the sex section.

I think we're all adults here.
And nothing was wrong with it.
It just rubbed someone the wrong way.


----------



## that_girl

I NEVER see the good stuff. Dang.


----------



## World_on_my_shoulders

I really love the way you handeled this situation.

Men are so rude at times. My husband does the right or left eye rub while using his other eye to look at who he really wants to watch while "thinking" that I dont know what he is doing.

He also does the yawn stretch to get a longer look as well....

All of these I reinact at home for him just to make him aware that i am AWARE.

Men definitely need a firm pull of their leashes from time to time ...... lol


----------



## that_girl

I have never caught my husband looking, but he looks at everyone. Men, women, children, old, young, whatever. And he always has a stink look on his face. lol!


----------



## pidge70

Caribbean Man said:


> But she posted it in the social section !
> In any event,what does a troubled marriage have to do with a top shot of a half naked woman,with her breasts blocked out?
> 
> I saw a post about one month ago where a poster posted a picture of her purple penis shaped dildo, on her night stand, in the sex section.
> 
> I think we're all adults here.
> And nothing was wrong with it.
> It just rubbed someone the wrong way.


I disagree. The photo was tacky and shouldn't have been posted on a marriage forum. Obviously the mods agreed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man

pidge70 said:


> I disagree. The photo was tacky and shouldn't have been posted on a marriage forum. Obviously the mods agreed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But I've seen poster's avitars here on TAM that shows completely nude photos with just the hands and legs covering the bare essentials....
And they are not tacky.


----------



## pidge70

Caribbean Man said:


> But I've seen poster's avitars here on TAM that shows completely nude photos with just the hands and legs covering the bare essentials....
> And they are not tacky.


I've read her posts. Asking about "dogging" in public. I guarantee she posted that photo for shock value and to get the remarks she got. I feel it was in extremely poor taste to post such a photo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Trenton

Aw come on, link me!


----------



## pidge70

Trenton said:


> Aw come on, link me!


It was deleted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HopelesslyJaded

Trenton said:


> Aw come on, link me!


A guy a little while ago said he still had it. Meaning he saved the link somewhere. Lol ask him.

Maybe a half naked or nude photo thread should be made. Then you could enter at your own risk. Lol then let's see how fast this advice forum spirals from there.

TAM the new playboy where all the husband go to read the great marriage advice :what:


----------



## Caribbean Man

I don't think she meant bad......

Just fun I suppose.


----------



## Trenton

I like cloudwithlegs though, besides someone once said my boob was showing in a photo posted here and I didn't see it until they said it and then looked at it and was like....errrrr...yeah, maybe a tiny weee wee bit! But really not so much and you've got really be looking considering I was in my work clothes and thought nothing of it. Wow, this is sounding worse and worse but hopefully you know what I'm saying.


----------



## that_girl

So, you're saying you show your boob in work clothes? Where do you work? 




:rofl:


----------



## Trenton

that_girl said:


> So, you're saying you show your boob in work clothes? Where do you work?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


I know, right?! That didn't come out they way I intended! :rofl:


----------



## pidge70

I saw your photo Trenton, nothing wrong with it. Cloud's pic was of her naked with a black bar covering her boobs. You couldn't see her bottom half as she was standing in front of a sink.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Trenton

pidge70 said:


> I saw your photo Trenton, nothing wrong with it. Cloud's pic was of her naked with a black bar covering her boobs. You couldn't see her bottom half as she was standing in front of a sink.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is she hot?!


----------



## Trenton

Funny thing is that I'm a people studyier big time. I love staring at them and have to make a concerted effort not to. Of course, I don't think about sex though, but then again, I don't have testosterone.

I wonder if SA stares at men since she had that weird longer finger thing going on indicating more testosterone?

I mean, I wonder if you could actually link it to a hormone like you can PMS.


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## that_girl

Trenton said:


> Is she hot?!


:rofl::rofl: It does matter.


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## that_girl

I see people, obviously, and the ONE PERSON I thought was amazingly GORGEOUS...like, magazine cover amazing...was my friend Ed's boyfriend. :rofl: Seriously, the man puts all women AND MEN to shame. Damn.

But...usually when my friends point out a man or talk about an actor, I honestly believe my husband is hotter. When I say I didn't settle in that department, I truly didn't. I went for what I thought was extremely sexy to me. I had settled before for "the nice guy"...but...eh. I wanted someone whom I thought was HOT. Sue me. So now, when out and about, when I see men, they simply don't compare.

I am SURE H looks. But he never mentions anything. I'll mention a woman before he ever would. I just like breasts. lol.


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## 2ntnuf

Cosmos said:


> Actually, I think you'll find that most women wear make-up, have their hair styled and wear high-heeled shoes for _themselves_, rather than for attracting men. I wear make-up and keep myself well groomed whether I'm going out or spending the day home alone.


Hadn't thought from that perspective, but it brings up another question.

Why do you think women do that?


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## that_girl

Because it feels GOOD!  I just got my toes done...and my eyebrows wacked...and my hair cut.

I feel good. No frumpy housewife here! WOOT!

Men like to look good too, no? I mean, you work with what you have, but...my husband shaves and does his hair. Puts on some cologne. YUM!

But go get a pedicure and then ask why you WOULDN'T Do that!! Honestly. I love them. Get your eyebrows cleaned up. Honestly. I tweeze my husband's because he gets those stray ones.


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## bubbly girl

My husband has gotten better than he was. I don't care that he looks/ notices other women while out with me, but the staring and head turning pisses me off. 

Now he doesn't do it as often and when he has a slip up I punch him in his arm to snap out of it.


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## Deejo

Trenton said:


> If I were hard wired to poo my pants in public, you wouldn't find it attractive. I'm thinking I'd find ways to not poo my pants in public and maybe I then wouldn't go in public at all if I thought it was a remote possibility.
> 
> So maybe men shouldn't be let out of the house.


I too am very glad you (the collective you, as in women) are not hard wired to poo your pants ... although from a biological perspective this would be a sure fire method of staving off unwanted suitors:
"Stay away from me you loser, or I swear I'll sh!t myself right here, right now!"



Trenton said:


> Above you say that women are hard wired to make men look but only when looking for a mate. How come men are not only hard wired to look when looking for a mate? A blip in the DNA code there or something?
> 
> The other question is, not all men say they look. Is that a blip in the DNA code, a flaw or an advancement in their evolution?


From a biological perspective, we are hardwired to seek out available females with which to reproduce. Men have the ability to, in technical terms ... put many buns, in many ovens.

Women try to seek out the most worthy 'baker' with whom to make their oven available for bun-making.

Why the hell do you ask me these questions when you don't buy any of it anyway, knowing I feel compelled to provide a response in a humorously charming yet informative manner.

Bottom line, if I'm with you (the collective you) and I think you're hot. You are NOT going catch this dude staring at other women. But trust me ... I see them ... all of them, but it is you, only you, with whom i wish to bake. You have the most magnificent oven ever, and hopefully you are wearing red lipstick to boot.

*Edited to add*
And as for dudes that say they don't check out women? This is very straightforward, in no way does it mean they are more evolved. They simply aren't bakers ... they are candle-stick-makers. It all makes perfect sense.


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## HopelesslyJaded

I guess I am dumb. I don't get it.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Oh goody, another thread about this ****. The "biology" thread throws up yet again. Yup, I've managed not to steal or pillage, something that MY biology says I should. I have stated before, TAM must have the largest collective of Anthropologists and Evolutionary Psychologists on the planet, because every one behaves like one to excuse bad behavior.


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## Therealbrighteyes

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I guess I am dumb. I don't get it.


No, you're smart. Nobody can sell you crab crass and claim it is a gardenia. In frank terms, you don't buy bullsh!t. Smart lady.


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## HopelesslyJaded

Therealbrighteyes said:


> No, you're smart. Nobody can sell you crab crass and claim it is a gardenia. In frank terms, you don't buy bullsh!t. Smart lady.


I was kind of referring to the bakers and the candle stick makers comment. Was that a sly way of saying that a married man who says he don't check women out all the time is either gay or a liar?


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## Therealbrighteyes

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I was kind of referring to the bakers and the candle stick makers comment. Was that a sly way of saying that a married man who says he don't check women out all the time is either gay or a liar?



Yeah that's what he meant, or he either just got back from Colonial Williamsburg and had a need to describe the scenery.


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## Lon

Trenton said:


> Is she hot?!


Her pic is still in her albums, and yes I think she is smoking hot (great bod, loves sci-fi and computers??!!! OMG), her narcissistic absent H is a fool, and I keep going back to see if her pic is there , partially to see if it is still up and partially to look at it again. I could rank her but that may be a little inappropriate, but I will say I'd give her an extra half a point if she didn't stand to close to the mirror when flossing (She needs a lesson from Sheldon Cooper to put a line made from tape back 4 feet from the mirror)


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## Therealbrighteyes

People never lie on the internet.


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## Caribbean Man

Lon said:


> Her pic is still in her albums, and yes *I think she is smoking hot (great bod, loves sci-fi and *computers??!!! OMG), her narcissistic absent H is a fool, and I keep going back to see if her pic is there , partially to see if it is still up and partially to look at it again. I could rank her but that may be a little inappropriate, but I will say I'd give her an extra half a point if she didn't stand to close to the mirror when flossing (She needs a lesson from Sheldon Cooper to put a line made from tape back 4 feet from the mirror)


:iagree:

I also think she's pretty.
And the fact that the pic was done in greyscale made it artistic.
But Lon,I think both you and I see it from a different perspective to the rest. You're into photography ,[one of my longtime hobbies ] so you see it from that perspective.
I think I remember you posting a pic of yourself in greyscale also. That was professionally done.

I have worked for a few years behind the scenes in Fashion show [Catwalk ] productions in the Caribbean,and I am accustomed seeing beautiful fashion models topless, most times with just a little pastie coving their nipples. I couldn't stare or ogle them either. I would have lost their respect and my job!
My job was managing the changing area, and coordinating who wears what, and my boss was a female designer.
That pic wasn't really of any " shock value " to me.

But I guess some were offended , and my vantage point and theirs may differ. So I understand.

What really impressed me was when I commented on her pic,and she responded and also me the technical data of the phone she took the pic with. Obviously,she's a techie, and loves computers.
I found that very impressive!


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## HopelesslyJaded

Lon said:


> Her pic is still in her albums, and yes I think she is smoking hot (great bod, loves sci-fi and computers??!!! OMG), her narcissistic absent H is a fool, and I keep going back to see if her pic is there , partially to see if it is still up and partially to look at it again. I could rank her but that may be a little inappropriate, but I will say I'd give her an extra half a point if she didn't stand to close to the mirror when flossing (She needs a lesson from Sheldon Cooper to put a line made from tape back 4 feet from the mirror)


Do I really need to say anything?


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## Trenton

Deejo said:


> I too am very glad you (the collective you, as in women) are not hard wired to poo your pants ... although from a biological perspective this would be a sure fire method of staving off unwanted suitors:
> "Stay away from me you loser, or I swear I'll sh!t myself right here, right now!"
> 
> From a biological perspective, we are hardwired to seek out available females with which to reproduce. Men have the ability to, in technical terms ... put many buns, in many ovens.
> 
> Women try to seek out the most worthy 'baker' with whom to make their oven available for bun-making.
> 
> Why the hell do you ask me these questions when you don't buy any of it anyway, knowing I feel compelled to provide a response in a humorously charming yet informative manner.
> 
> Bottom line, if I'm with you (the collective you) and I think you're hot. You are NOT going catch this dude staring at other women. But trust me ... I see them ... all of them, but it is you, only you, with whom i wish to bake. You have the most magnificent oven ever, and hopefully you are wearing red lipstick to boot.
> 
> *Edited to add*
> And as for dudes that say they don't check out women? This is very straightforward, in no way does it mean they are more evolved. They simply aren't bakers ... they are candle-stick-makers. It all makes perfect sense.


hehehehe


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## that_girl

Wow. I guess since Lon is single, it's ok to drool over someone's pics.

But...honestly...talking about the artistic technique, just so you can look at some more boob, is comical. lol.


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## livnlearn

that_girl said:


> Wow. I guess since Lon is single, it's ok to drool over someone's pics.
> 
> But...honestly...talking about the artistic technique, just so you can look at some more boob, is comical. lol.


yeah, I got a chuckle over that too.


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## livnlearn

Just wondering if a greyscale pic. of a partially uncovered testicle is also appropriate due to its "artistic" value.


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## that_girl

livnlearn said:


> Just wondering if a greyscale pic. of a partially uncovered testicle is also appropriate due to its "artistic" value.


:rofl:


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## Pault

> quoting RJ- beautiful and men are hard wired to notice.


Lets flip this if thats ok?

So women DON'T checkout other guys?

From a recent experience when the track events were on the Olympics I noted my wifes sudden interest in the mens 100, 400,800 and relay. Her female friend was also more interested as I was sitting next to my wife when her text lit up and (here I quote her friend) "Seems that these guys are hidding he relay batten in their shorts. Can't look anywhere else". So I thought mm ok I then watch a few races and my wifes colour change when I speak to her and just for the hell of it poit out that we can replay the race in slow mo if she wants? Funny how quick the neck and cheek color change to a crimson. But in good fun she addmitted there was a "few distractions". So when the womens beach volley ball came on................. :smthumbup:

This is in all seriousness a difference from a look to an ogle - The later is very disrespectful to all concerned.


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## Lon

that_girl said:


> Wow. I guess since Lon is single, it's ok to drool over someone's pics.
> 
> But...honestly...talking about the artistic technique, just so you can look at some more boob, is comical. lol.


That the pic is in greyscale simply means she put some thought into how she wanted to present it, and the artistic idea behind it is kinda cool - I am not offended by nudity, and in that pic there is a kinda flirtiness that is appealing that is not purely raw and sexual in nature but still draws my eyes to her "bosom". And as my eyes are drawn I then am forced to accept her choice of image she used to cover the rest of her: Ape Homer fascinated by the obelisque from 2001: A Space Odyssey, kinda like looking at an image of yourself looking at an image of yourself, except twisted to mean something else. Or was it just a random pic? CWL, would be interesting to hear why you chose that particular Simpsons image. As for cell phone pics in the mirror, I always dislike them, especially when it covers so much of someone's face, it is equally annoying in this pic, but I understand it is out of both necessity (though I suppose she could have used some kind of stand and the self-timer instead) and possibly out of artistic preference.

It is the subject I find interesting though, not the artistic technique. If I just wanted to stare at boob there are a million other webpages I could browse, but as well as the beauty of the female physical form she is intriguing... the fact that it is a fellow TAM'er and has her stories posted here makes it a million times more interesting to see. If I was still married I still would have enjoyed the pic, but I will admit that the sexiness part of it probably wouldn't make as large an impression, if my spouse was to see me looking at the pic I wouldn't feel bad at all, because the pic wasn't for my eyes only, she isn't trying to cause strife in relationships, she is telling a story or revealing something about herself. If I was to see a woman presenting herself like that live in person it still wouldn't make me feel bad - just because someone shows themselves publicly in various states of undress doesn't mean they are coming onto you.

And like CM, my ex W dealt with nudity in her work, had a large number of male clients in her spa for "brazilian waxing" and that fact alone didn't make me uncomfortable just the idea that any of them may have something sexual with her in mind. So we talked every day she had a male client and made sure there was some boundaries, there were a couple clients she turned away - even once in the middle of the work. Her actual goal was to get the work done, be thorough, and give the client what they are paying for, which is simply to be rid of their pubes, and then be able to have time for her next client.

edit: darn, just noticed she got banned, probably for that pic I'm sure.


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## that_girl

OK.


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## Caribbean Man

Lon said:


> *That the pic is in greyscale simply means she put some thought into how she wanted to present it, and the artistic idea behind it is kinda cool - .*


Thank you Lon for explaining it.


Sometimes I wish people would just introspect before they Project.

All one has to do is Google " greyscale image" and they would have got the gist.

What is interesting , is that the ONLY TWO MALES on this thread, who commented on the pic and the poster, actually MENTIONED her tech savviness as contributing highly to her overall appeal.

If we were just interested in boobs
[ which were blocked off ],do you think tech savviness and artistry would have mattered?

Things that make me go 
Hmmmmmmmmm....................


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## bubbly girl

I think what most women have a problem with (with that picture) is it wasn't just a random pic on the internet to a woman that the viewing man would never interact with. Many men on this board, have, are, and will in the future interact with this poster...even if it's only over the internet. 

As for art...lets call it what it is...a provocative picture that got the attention of the men. Not because it was artistic, but because it was provocative.


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## norajane

that_girl said:


> Wow. I guess since Lon is single, it's ok to drool over someone's pics.
> 
> But...honestly...talking about the artistic technique, just so you can look at some more boob, is comical. lol.


They read Playboy for the articles, too.


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## HopelesslyJaded

bubbly girl said:


> I think what most women have a problem with (with that picture) is it wasn't just a random pic on the internet to a woman that the viewing man would never interact with. Many men on this board, have, are, and will in the future interact with this poster...even if it's only over the internet.
> 
> As for art...lets call it what it is...a provocative picture that got the attention of the men. Not because it was artistic, but because it was provocative.


This is my sentiments exactly. I can't always put it into words. I would add that.

1. I don't believe for one second she put it up for "artistic" reasons and that it was completely innocent.

2. Do you really think Lon kept making sure the picture still existed because he appreciated her mind. LOL

3. I just don't believe TAM is the place for that kind of "artistic" expression. I don't care what part of the forum it was posted in.


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## Lon

bubbly girl said:


> As for art...lets call it what it is...a provocative picture that got the attention of the men. Not because it was artistic, but because it was provocative.


Absolutely it was provocative. but I honestly don't think it was provoking any kind of inappropriate behavior from married men, or single men, or anyone. I don't really view her pic nor her decision to make and post that pic a work of art per se, but Art is actually intended to provoke thought anyway, which is why I think her pic has some artistic merit to it at least.

I have seen some things on this sight that I find offensive and inappropriate for people struggling with marital issues. For me CWL's pic certainly isn't offensive in any way, I didn't find it crude, nor disrespectful to anyone. I don't understand how anyone else does, but I will accept that all y'all who find it offensive do, and I'm not surprised by the reaction she got by being banned though I don't personally agree with it.


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## Caribbean Man

Lon said:


> Absolutely it was provocative. but I honestly don't think it was provoking any kind of inappropriate behavior from married men, or single men, or anyone. I don't really view her pic nor her decision to make and post that pic a work of art per se, but Art is actually intended to provoke thought anyway, which is why I think her pic has some artistic merit to it at least.
> 
> *I have seen some things on this sight that I find offensive and inappropriate for people struggling with marital issues. For me CWL's pic certainly isn't offensive in any way, I didn't find it crude, nor disrespectful to anyone. * I don't understand how anyone else does, but I will accept that all y'all who find it offensive do, and I'm not surprised by the reaction she got by being banned though I don't personally agree with it.


:iagree:


I'm hearing that old green eyed monster........


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## HopelesslyJaded

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> I'm hearing that old green eyed monster........


:thumbdown:


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## TiggyBlue

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Oh goody, another thread about this ****. The "biology" thread throws up yet again. Yup, I've managed not to steal or pillage, something that MY biology says I should. I have stated before, TAM must have the largest collective of Anthropologists and Evolutionary Psychologists on the planet, because every one behaves like one to excuse bad behavior.


'scientists' and most people take the facts out of anthropology and psychology that they like and manage to forget to mention the other facts.


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## Caribbean Man

abitlost said:


> 'scientists' and most people take the facts out of anthropology and psychology that they like and manage to forget to mention the other facts.


Whilst I agree with the gist of your post.I would replace the word scientist with society.
A scientist merely does the research and reports his findings.
Society interprets them in their own way,many times to suit their own agendas , lifestyle and vices.
Both male and Female.

I would like to think that mankind has evolved way beyond level of their primate ancestors.
But like another poster told me,
I invest way too much belief in humanity.


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## TiggyBlue

There are alot of scienists who only report the findings of facts that
correlate the point they want to prove or believe and don't give the full information.


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