# My wife shows no affection.... and pregnant?



## jimmyjames1981 (Jun 25, 2012)

Well here goes, ive read posts on these forums for months and decided to finally post something, me and my wife have been together for 4 years and married 2. In our first 2 years our sex life was great, NONSTOP! Sex was great, we got along great and never did fight about anything, and then we got married. 

For the last 2 years my wife has went from very affectionate to non existant, im guessing that we have had sex 6-7 times in the last 2 years and 4 of those times was 3 months ago when she decided that she wanted to get pregnant... and now walla shes 3 months pregnant. We have fought about her not being affectionate quite a few times and its always different excuses like stress, tired etc, but i mean she shows 0 affection, doesnt innitiate anything including , hugs, kisses, any kind of physical contact. And now her excuse is that shes pregnant and she doesnt feel good, but she always feels good enough to do all kinds of other stuff, like go to work, take her niece to the zoo, and a whole slew of other things, but when im around and try to initiate anything she pulls away and gets mad, and when i say anything about it s--t hits the fan. Im at a loss for words, I dont know if i can live like this the rest of my life, lifes to damn short..... but now shes pregnant...


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I'm a firm believer that people don't just wake up one morning and say, 'Hey I don't think I want to have sex with you anymore." Meaning, whatever is going on with her, was either already there to begin with, OR something has happened for her to feel this way. 

Anything you know of that has happened recently that might be a contributing factor?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Time to have a heart to heart! You need to let her know the seriousness of how this is affecting you, and that really she owes it to the marriage to let you know whats going on with her. I wouldn't come across in a blaming or accusing way though, but firm enough to let her know you need to know whats going on in your marriage.


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## jimmyjames1981 (Jun 25, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> Time to have a heart to heart! You need to let her know the seriousness of how this is affecting you, and that really she owes it to the marriage to let you know whats going on with her. I wouldn't come across in a blaming or accusing way though, but firm enough to let her know you need to know whats going on in your marriage.


Ive tried to talk to her many times not blaming and just talking, it always ends up in a fight and she gets really mad, we have had a miscarriage before and i dont want to stress her out and cause another.... she allready knows my feelings towards the subject but just stays on her same ever nonloving path...  i think its time i just started focusing on myself, my anxiety level is through the roof about this, obviously theres nothing i can do to fix it, im just going to focus on me and my job and stop catering to her nonstop, maybe she will eventually realize what she is doing to us and our marriage. Its not like i turned into an ugly lazy bum or anything, i work and make a descent living and have actually lost weight since we were married, sometimes i wonder if there isnt aomebody else in the equation, shes always really secretive about her phone, its always locked and on silent and within arms reach, maybe im over thinking it but im dumbfounded and my mind races trying to figure out what the problem is...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

jimmyjames1981 said:


> sometimes i wonder if there isnt aomebody else in the equation, shes always really secretive about her phone, its always locked and on silent and within arms reach, maybe im over thinking it but im dumbfounded and my mind races trying to figure out what the problem is...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is there anyway you can get her phone and check it? That may be the problem but then again, if in fact there is someone else, thats only half the problem. Apparently she felt something was missing to begin with.Time to get to he root of whats going on. 

I wonder how she would react if you told her you couldn't take how she was acting anymore and told her you were going to leave. I don't mean for good right now, but maybe go some place for a day or so. The reason I make this suggestion is, I'd like to know what her reaction is if you told her that. If she acted like she simply didn't care, you may have your answer.


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## jimmyjames1981 (Jun 25, 2012)

Jamison said:


> Is there anyway you can get her phone and check it? That may be the problem but then again, if in fact there is someone else, thats only half the problem. Apparently she felt something was missing to begin with.Time to get to he root of whats going on.
> 
> I wonder how she would react if you told her you couldn't take how she was acting anymore and told her you were going to leave. I don't mean for good right now, but maybe go some place for a day or so. The reason I make this suggestion is, I'd like to know what her reaction is if you told her that. If she acted like she simply didn't care, you may have your answer.


Well again i dont want to stress her right now and cause a miscarriage, when we fight about the problem she sometimes says that shes never been so broke before, we arent that broke but her previous relationship was with a doctors son and they had an open ended credit card and spent money like it was going out of style and lived inbthe basement of a $1.4m house.... when we first got together i worked a job making almost $40 an hour and worked 100 hour weeks so the paychecks were huge but i would only work 3 or 4 months a year, now i work a stable job for about the same yearly pay but each paycheck is much smaller so we dont have the operatunity to go buy expensive big ticket items like we used to, maybe she needs a gazillionaire in her life i have no idea....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

jimmyjames1981 said:


> Well again i dont want to stress her right now and cause a miscarriage, when we fight about the problem she sometimes says that shes never been so broke before, we arent that broke but her previous relationship was with a doctors son and they had an open ended credit card and spent money like it was going out of style and lived inbthe basement of a $1.4m house.... when we first got together i worked a job making almost $40 an hour and worked 100 hour weeks so the paychecks were huge but i would only work 3 or 4 months a year, now i work a stable job for about the same yearly pay but each paycheck is much smaller so we dont have the operatunity to go buy expensive big ticket items like we used to, maybe she needs a gazillionaire in her life i have no idea....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand you don't want to stress her out, BUT if thats the case you wont get this issue addressed. You might be responsible for what you say and how you say it, but you are NOT responsible for how she reacts. 

Obviously she is checked out of the marriage, And I doubt shes just going to suddenly check back in once the baby is born. If you have doubts time to check them out.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Jimmyjames, welcome aboard.

Does she have any kind of trauma history? Abuse or assault? Mentally ill parent? Alcoholic parent? Narcissistic or Borderline personality disorder in the family?

You know on this forum you're going to get a lot of people triggered into the infidelity demon right away. The sequence as you describe it does seem possible. So I would do a little discreet investigation. Look at her phone, emails, facebook, etc. Look at your phone bill for call and text patterns. In this day and age I also think getting a dna test on the baby (discreetly) soon after birth is smart. It is possible that she got pregnant by an affair and so she suddenly ramped up sex with you to cover it up and make you think you are the father. Yeah, very cynical to go thinking that way.

The other possibility is that she has some psych issues, which is why I asked about her history. She might not be sexually interested, but when she wanted to get pregnant she did what she had to do and jumped you 3 times.


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## jimmyjames1981 (Jun 25, 2012)

Thor said:


> Jimmyjames, welcome aboard.
> 
> Does she have any kind of trauma history? Abuse or assault? Mentally ill parent? Alcoholic parent? Narcissistic or Borderline personality disorder in the family?
> 
> ...


Her parents and family are very close and loving, her father does drink but not crazy, i know what an abusive drunk is as my father was and hers is not. She has never had any mental issues that i know of. We had a big fight last night about this and thats the reason i.posted this in the middle of the night last night. I told her.my feelings last night and told her what needs to happen. I will be distancing myself from her and see if it makes her think, its either sink or swim, if she.doesnt change then i will be gone, i will only live once and im not getting any younger, is so hard for me to say that since i love her and leaving the person you love to make her a si.gle mother makes me feel terrible but how long do i deserve this? When we fight about this she always says, dont you care how i feel?? Obviously i do and i ask her the same thing and she just gets mad as usual, i think this marriage is doomed, if i fail at this i will never marry another woman the rest of my life, i probably wont be able to afford to because she would probably take me to the cleaners in a divorce... she has a history of horrible breakups with past relationships, i think she hasnt left me yet just because that would mean being 31 years old, pregnant and living in her parents basement broke...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

jimmyjames1981 said:


> Well again i dont want to stress her right now and cause a miscarriage, when we fight about the problem she sometimes says that shes never been so broke before, we arent that broke but her previous relationship was with a doctors son and they had an open ended credit card and spent money like it was going out of style and lived inbthe basement of a $1.4m house.... when we first got together i worked a job making almost $40 an hour and worked 100 hour weeks so the paychecks were huge but i would only work 3 or 4 months a year, now i work a stable job for about the same yearly pay but each paycheck is much smaller so we dont have the operatunity to go buy expensive big ticket items like we used to, maybe she needs a gazillionaire in her life i have no idea....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can never make her kind happy or satisfied. Seems like you got yourself an entitled princess. It should be wise to rule out infidelity as early as possible. Snoop if you have to. Do you have access to phone records? Then you can dive completely in.

Also, does she work? How can she be unhappy with the money if she does not work herself?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

It seems she's either getting sexually satisfied somewhere else or has very deep resentment towards you, very likely due to the financial difference between the other ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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