# Need to find an article on why men need sex



## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I've just discovered that an old friend is stuck in a sexless marriage.

Am trying to get him to come here for advice, but in the meantime am trying to find an article that people have posted/linked to on here about why men have an emotional need for sex and how damaging it is when a wife constantly rejects her husband.

Now that I need it, can I find it?

Can anyone help?


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Sex Is a Physical Need - Focus on the Family

One of many


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

I don't have the article, but I tried to help a friend in the same situation. All it did was make me mad, and his wife now hates me. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PinkSalmon13 (Nov 7, 2013)

This is written by a woman but it doesn't matter - the damaging effects are the same, regardless of who's on the 'not receiving' end:


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

There's a list of emotional needs on the Marriage Builders website. It includes an article on sex as a top need for men. The same information can be found in the book _His Needs, Her Needs_ by Willard Harley, which may be helpful as a whole for a couple in a struggling relationship.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Reading it saddened me. I really don't care of someones "desire" has waned, but to deny their partner because of it is so cruel and selfish.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If friend's wife does not understand why then no article in the world will help...


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I didn't really like that Focus on the Family article. Too much on the physical aspects to me, too little on the emotional aspects. Yes men feel a physical need, but honestly there is a world of difference between having sex with a live woman and just masturbating. Women are mistaken when they believe men only need to "spurt it out" (my wife's words when I asked what she thought of men's sex drive).

It would be a lot easier and cheaper to not get married. Yet we seek marriage, and we want to have sex with our wives. Even when married it would be a lot easier many times to just MB rather than try to woo the wife, yet we still make the effort to have sex with the live person.

There is a website and some articles on the emotional need for sex, and the abusive nature of withholding sex. When I can remember it or find it I'll post it here.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

If the wife is Christian at all, take a look over on www.themarriagebed.com . They have a good discussion about the 1Cor7 mandate for sex within marriage.

Also do some reading on the Biblical concept of a "one flesh" marriage. 

Though I am an Atheist, I find I agree with the concept of One Flesh, and I think our marriage vows support the 1Cor7 model of consensual sexuality within a marriage. This speaks to the emotional attachment a husband feels for his wife, and his commitment to marriage.

Some people have a very different template. I know my wife does! This is, imo, one of the big causes of disconnect or irreconcilable differences. One should never presume their spouse has the same model for what a marriage is supposed to be. They may see it as financial security, friendship, or having children. They may not see it as a deep emotional attachment or as a sharing of sexuality. Their entire view of sexuality may be different.

In dealing with sex problems in a marriage, one of the best things to do is ask a lot of questions. Try to be the dispassionate reporter sent to interview a stranger. You make no judgments, and you don't try to correct whatever the person says. Just ask a question and let them answer. Then ask another, and another. Probe deeper. Don't assume their definition of words is the same as yours, so ask frequently "What do you mean by that?".


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Thanks Thor. However they are Muslim so I doubt she is going to particularly want to read articles with a Christian slant. I haven't the faintest idea what the Muslim view of sex within marriage is; I'm just trying to locate stuff for him that might help her to understand that it's not just a question of having to "spurt it out".


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I can't find the article I was looking for. I think it was in a magazine and posted online. But I'm pretty sure it was by Michelle Weiner Davis. She has a website and a book.

Divorce Busting® - How to Save Your Marriage, Solve Marriage Problems, and Stop Divorce

The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide: Michele Weiner Davis: 9780743227339: Amazon.com: Books

The first chapter is free online: Divorce Busting® - Books on Marriage - First Chapter of Sex-Starved Marriage

Here's a site turned up by searching "sexless marriage":
So you live in a sexless marriage | Finding a way to move beyond sexless and low intimacy marriages

Someone in a sexless marriage should not feel guilty or wrong for wanting sex. Here's one person's point of view:
Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse : I Live In a Sexless Marriage Story & Experience

One thing to consider is your friend's wife has some form of psychological distortion causing her to not want sex with him. It could be simply he is unappealing in some way (overweight, lazy, unemployed, rude, alcoholic, etc). She may have had bad teaching as a child, so she feels dirty or shameful about sex. Or it could be as bad as she was sexually abused as a child. Child sex abuse cannot be ignored if it is part of your friend's marriage problems. It is in fact huge if his wife was abused. This article may be of interest:
Sexless Marriages and Childhood Abuse - Marriage


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Here's an interesting link from the women's side...

http://muslimvillage.com/2013/05/22/39375/sex-mashallah-islam-and-female-sexuality/

And from the other side...

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relations...spouse/help-my-wife-is-not-interested-in-sex/

This is also helpful

http://www.mwlusa.org/topics/sexuality/sexuality.html

I would also suggest finding MC that is specific to the culture.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If this article doesn't move a partner to what is greatly lost in a marriage...how this wife is hurting her husband...not sure anything could....

Actually this was written* BY a woman*...

This is What a Sexless Marriage Feels Like - And yet - Open Salon



> This post is not about virtue. It is not an ask for sympathy. It attempts to explore what I've learned about sex and sexuality since sex ended within my long-term relationship. I won't say much about why, because half of it is not my story to tell and I have no right. Just know that because of illness and after sharing a normal, monogamous, sexually active relationship for nearly a decade, my spouse suddenly lost the need, desire, and passion for sex.
> 
> When sex disappears like that, you don't necessarily know it at the time. There's no announcement. No resetting of hormones for each of you. No discussion that starts with, "I'm thinking I'll never want to have sex again. Are you ok with this?" It's just gone. One day, perhaps months or years later, you realize that the last time you had sex together was the last time you’d ever have sex together.
> 
> ...


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> Thanks Thor. However they are Muslim so I doubt she is going to particularly want to read articles with a Christian slant.


Probably then they won't be interested in the book "Kosher Sutra" written by a Rabbi!


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Curious if your advice to "friend" accomplishes anything? After two years with my friend, nothing changed, even after he got a vasectomy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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