# 4 years later and still so bitter



## Mumma175 (Aug 12, 2021)

Hello

I'm trying to divorce my ex after a tumultuous relationship. I felt I carried him for many years (financially and emotionally) and after finding out he'd been taking money from my account in our wedding day (and him continuing to lie about it) we called it quits. I became very resentful and spiteful within our year of marriage. We were married for almost 1 year but together for 7 years prior to this with 2 children. 
During these diffict years we would struggle with money (I would pawn my jewellery and sell all my stuff at boot fairs to pay for food for the coming week. Meanwhile he would say 'his money is his money' and continue to gamble each week. He told me as it was my house, I am responsible for covering the mortgage etc. Yet now we're seperated he's entitled to half if everything. Although he openly didn't put anything in to the house. Over the years, he wouldn't spend time with me and I would beg, literally beg, for his attention. After finding out he'd been taking money from my account, it was the final straw and we rowed constantly and eventually he left. 

4 years later, he's in a relationship of his own. I just through hoops to ensure he sees our kids, as since the pandemic and starting his new relationship, he only sees them bare minimum. There was confusion to when he was having the girls this weekend as I have a family celebration to which our kids need to attend. Because I dug my heels in and said that I need them for 2 hours, he called me every name under the sun. He said that I was keeping the girls from him 'again' and that I was a selfish c-word. He was so angry. Normally when this happens he takes to Facebook to rant about what an awful mother I am and then his dad will call to have a go at me too. 

I am sick and tired of this man. I have done everything I can for him, my parents supply us with free flexible childcare and hes so rude about them. I had the kids for the whole of lock down without support at all. He didn't see them once. I bought them phones so they can call his family and vice versa, as they weren't even missing him as he'd dropped off of the side of the planet, which upset me. My youngest would cry as she didn't want to go to his to stay etc and I have to encourage her and bribe her at times to go. But he says I keep them from him. That's his go to insult, he loves to tell people. 

I genuinely thought we'd got through this but he was so mean yesterday and I don't know where this rage came from. The divorce process is slow as I'm having to save up between actions as I'm paying for it all and he is refusing to sign anything. It's going to get ugly before it gets better. 

I do not have friends to discuss this with (the few friends I have are happily married or never married). 

I'd really like to meet someone or a group to just discuss divorce and the stresses that come with it openly. I have received counselling for this, as I would just cry and Bury my head in the sand. But I need to just get this done now. I have to be strong but I need some support! Can anyone recommend a support group for me? I cant do this alone. I'm back to not sleeping again because of it and can't go on like this. 

Thank you for reading my post, I've been laying in bed for hours with my thoughts and needed to write it down, apologies for the waffling.


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## anonymous2012 (Nov 11, 2021)

Sometimes you just have to let it out. Family and friends often don’t understand. I just did the same, sat with my thoughts until the got loud enough that I googled “marriage forums” and found this site, if only to put my own trauma into a post just for some temporary relief from the burden of it all. 

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with what you’re dealing with. How you feel is totally valid. I can’t offer any advice because I’m in a numb place myself and truly don’t know up from down anymore. I hope you can find yourself some happiness and peace soon.


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## kclark30 (Nov 6, 2021)

Your ex is an absolute jerk! Given the situation, you are handling it really well, better than most people would. I am not familiar with a divorce where children are involved. I do know that unless you have a court ordered visitation schedule, you don’t have to be so flexible to his demands. It sounds as though they are getting scarred from him which is horrible. You are in the drivers seat and he isn’t entitled to anything.


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