# Why do I still think of him?



## skitown (Feb 9, 2010)

Throughout the course of my marriage, I have occasionally thought about my ex BF. I initiated contact with him. I had lost a close friend and my intention was to let him know that he was a positive influence in my life and I was thankful of our time together. After our initial conversation, he wanted to talk again – and I agreed. I let him know that I was married – and was committed to my H and would never do anything to jeopardize that. My H knew I had been in contact with him. Shortly thereafter, we agreed that it is best not to talk due to the circumstances. We both found that a connection still remained from our past relationship. We came to an understanding that it would be okay to check in with each other every now and then – but that was to be it. Subsequently, his GF asked that he never contact me again – so that is where it stands. 

Although I know that it is best, I am having difficulty with this. The exBF has not made the best past decisions; I am concerned about what direction his life may be heading. I continue to think about him –and I hate that. I should be strong enough to leave him out of my mind. Whatever actions he takes has no impact on me. I know that the last person he needs to hear from or have advice from is me. I do not have any romantic notions or fantasize about being with him. Our lives have taken separate directions for a reason – and I truly believe I am better off not being with him. Regardless, I still care for him and hate to see him repeat past mistakes. As time passed, I was hoping my thoughts of him would diminish – but they haven’t. Any advice? I do not want this as a distraction in my marriage.


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## me. (Nov 28, 2009)

It is best for you to keep those memories as a positive note in your life. Keep them to yourself, and smile when you think of them. However, you should do nothing. Contacting him will only cause problems. Everyone has that "someone" in their past that they still think of, and those who say they don't are lying to themselves. It is great to hold those memories and it is good that you care about his direction in life. Just understand that it is his life and you cannot be a part of that. Let him make what mistakes he chooses, and focus on your love for your husband.


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## tribezulu (Mar 10, 2010)

i have to agree with the reply above. It's best that you stay clear of your ex and focus on your current relationship.

It's also important for you to realize that your not in the best position to stop your ex from making a mistake. He needs to figure this stuff out for himself.


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## skitown (Feb 9, 2010)

I do agree. I do not want to be one of his bad choices - nor do I want him to be my mistake. I think the difficulty I have - we were not able to say "goodbye" in a sense, therefore there is no closure.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

I still think of my ex all the time, its hard to push someone you care for out of your mind, and once you love someone they will always have their own permenant (sp) place in your heart whether you want them to or not. 

Problem is no matter how much you care you can't save them from their mistakes, trust me, I'm still watching mine screw things up left and right...its rediculously painful, pathetic, and sad all at the same time. BUT, there's not a thing I can do about it. 

I don't have another marriage or relationship for it to cause problems in at this time, you however do, don't let it mess up what you have. You said your and your ex's lives have gone two different directions for a reason so stick w/that. You can care from a distance but don't get involved. Some people just have to keep falling on their face until realization sets in, and some people it takes a hell of a lot longer than others because they don't learn from their mistakes until they make them several times over. Odds are he won't listen to you anyway even if you did try to "help" so don't risk your current marriage for your past.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

Check out Dr. Nancy Kalish on Lost Loves. You may also want to read my blog, where my husband hooked up with a girlfriend he was not over.

Kalish talks about the power of that lost love in your life. I write about recovering form the resulting affair.


Lost and Found Lovers


After His Affair

Lyn


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

skitown said:


> ... I still care for him ...


No you don't. You still _desire_ him. Your mind knows he is part of your past but your heart still wants to be with him.

Cut it out. You will get hurt, you will hurt others, and your marriage will suffer.


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## bigfamily (Mar 11, 2010)

If you want to stay married you should try to keep your ex-bf out of your mind. Don't worry about his life and his decisions. He's a grown man, I'm sure he can handle it all on his own. Don't try to be his mother. This attachment wll eventually cost you your marriage or might. Don't jeopardize it.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

:iagree:

Lyn


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