# My wife has become a Meth Addict



## SoConfusedinNJ

My wife has become a meth addict over the past couple of months (approx 3 or 4). I found all her paraphernalia and drugs in the dresser and woke up one morning early to find her smoking it in the living room.

I begged and pleaded for her to get help, and still tried as of last night. I'm absolutely exhausted, she doesn't sleep, she rambles nonsense, she fights and argues about nothing. When she comes home (sometimes at 3 or 4 am. she acts like an unsatisfied nymphomaniac because shes high out of her mind. Shes already given me a STD (thankfully a shot and some pills and I was fine, but what if it was something more serious?). I'm terrified shes going to die, I don't know what to do and feel so lost. 

I feel like if I choose to divorce it would show that I failed at my marriage. Isn't this a disease, wouldn't this go under sickness and health? I'm so confused morally and ethically vs being "out for me". I need some sane advice.


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## thebirdman

You will not have failed your marriage. You cannot control what she does. There are few times when I would honestly say "get out of there." This is one of those times. Not that your wife is beyond help by any means but she has made herself servant to an extremely powerful
Master. If she has an epiphany and decides she wants to change her life then I would highly recommend you be there for her but don't believe for a second that you will "fix" her. You won't. She'll just drag you down with her. Remove yourself from that situation. Go, and take care of your needs right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Spitfire

Do you have any kids? Hopefully not. I'd be outta there.


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## DanielleBennett

I think you should talk to her about how this makes you feel and that you miss her for who she is that she is no longer your wife. Or the shell of your wife. I would then get individual counseling for yourself and maybe you can get marriage counseling for you both. If she refuses any help and tries not to stop the addiction then I would just walk away. You can't feel guilty and blame yourself for something dumb your wife did. If you try everything you can before walking away then at least you can feel better knowing that you tried. I hope divorce is not in your future, but if it happens then there are places online where you can get free forms to help you get started. I really do hope things get better. http://blog.document-do-it-yourself-service.com/free-divorce-forms/


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## SoConfusedinNJ

I did just that, I spoke to her, when I brought up rehab she laughed at me, told me she has no problem, that shes "a strong person mentally", and that shes not addicted. I then begged her to go see a therapist and that was a fight until I got her to agree to go to 1 session. Last night we had sex because she practically raped me until my skin was raw, I fall asleep, wake up at 3am and shes nowhere to be found, she left, hasnt been back since. Ive been texting her and shes responding but Im worried that shes going to die. I called her mother and told her what was happening and I feel like everyone is acting like nothing is wrong but me. 

I think if I never had the "good catholic schoolboy" education back in the 70's I wouldnt be feeling like this. I feel like Im doing something morally wrong by not forcing her to get help, at the same time knowing, that you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped. Sorry about the grammer, or rambling, but this is the first time I can speak about this to anyone.


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## Thor

I'd get out of the marriage asap. If you have kids, it is even more important to get out fast. Kids need to be in a home without meth!!!

Staying with her will enable her to continue. She needs to hit bottom before she'll think about quitting. I am not an expert or anywhere close to expert on the topic of meth, but is there any substantial chance of her getting clean from meth? From what little I know it is a pretty bleak outlook for her. You don't deserve to be abused by her!

The fact she gave you an std tells you how far down she's fallen already. She's giving up sex to get drugs. Aids/HIV runs rampant amongst drug users. You are at severe risk from her. I wouldn't have any physical contact with her, not even kissing. (You can catch a number of nasty std's in your mouth from her mouth).

Unless she comes to you on her own, without you saying anything first about divorce, and begs to go to rehab, I'd say there is no chance of her turning this around. You can't Nice an addict back to sobriety!


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## SoConfusedinNJ

I apologize for not specifying earlier, there are no kids, thankfully because I would never want anyone to have to see something like this.


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## ConanHub

Meth is serious shyt. Get her committed. You have the authority to do it against her will.

There is no reasoning with her at this point. Do you even have a clue what a meth wh0re will do?
Sorry but that is what she has become.

Stop having sex with her. You can't treat her as a wife right now because she is out of her mind. Be her care taker and get her committed.

After she is successfully through rehab and therapy, you can reevaluate your marriage because it isn't even there right now.

You are just a landing pad so she can regroup to go out smoking and fvcking some more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub

I've dealt directly with meth heads and I'm speaking from experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss

Well, this is no longer the 60s or 70s, you can't forcefully commit anyone to any type of help, unless you are the courts. So, you have to decide how far down the rabbit hole you want to go. This is the reason why I despise quite a few of the addict analogies on this website. 

STD, which means she is selling sex for drugs. 
When she loses her looks, your money and belongings are next.
All you can do is tell her help or the highway.

Please don't follow any advice that tells you to wait, pray and through sickness or health. Meth is one of those drugs which destroys all rational thought.


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## ConanHub

He can get her committed for a 72 hour evaluation in some states. Call around and ask what the laws are in your state. You can probably get her into a two or three day evaluation against her will at this point.

You would be doing her a great favor and showing love by getting her into one of these evaluations.

Seen walking dead? She is now one of them. I wish I was joking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss

ConanHub said:


> Seen walking dead? She is now one of them. I wish I was joking.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, you aren't. Crack, heroin, and meth are the worst addictions I have seen. Yes, waaaaaay worse than any other addiction IMO.


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## ButtPunch

If you love your wife, then get a divorce asap.

Anything else and you are enabling her addiction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonfrank

Drugs and alcohol are a non negotiable in our marriage. She gave you an STD, to boot, so she is cheating on you, likely repetitively, to score meth. There are no kids.

Get out NOW before she gives you HIV. You have not failed her, she has failed you and it's time to save yourself.

Sorry you're in this situation.


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## EleGirl

SoConfusedinNJ,

How long have the two of you been married?

How old are the two of you?

What is your wife's history of illegal drug use?

Does your wife have a job/career?

I'm sorry you are going through this. Meth is a horrible drug. Sadly I have way too much experience dealing with meth heads and drug addicts.

I agree with the others. You need to get away from her ASAP. 

She's obviously having a lot of sex and brining home bad things to you. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER. Lock your bedroom door so that when she comes in she cannot harass you for sex. If you need to, put a dresser in front of it to keep it closed. If she starts yelling, pounding the door or tries to open it violently... call 911. Just tell them that you are locked in the bedroom and your wife is so high on meth that she's become violent. Stay on the phone with them so that they can hear what is going on. 

Calling the police is one way that you might be able to force her to face up to the mess she is creating.

Once she runs out of money and/or sex favors, she will start selling anything of value in your home.

There is a huge chance that the meth heads she's hanging out with know where she lives. You can expect her to be bringing these people into your home... they steal too.

I take it that you are an active Catholic. Have you spoken to a priest about all this. You do not have to stay with a person who is a danger to you (your wife is). The issue of separation, divorce and annulment are different issues. You can separate. You can even divorce to protect yourself legally and financially. The issue is can you get an annulment that will open up the chance for a remarriage for you.

I did a quick search on "catholic annulment drug abuse" and came up with several sites that talk about it. Here's a link to one of them.

Is chronic substance abuse grounds for an annulment? - Catholic Answers Forums


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## Dyokemm

Get out immediately.

She already gave you one std....which definitely confirms she is screwing around with heavens only knows how many POS fellow meth heads.

You got lucky that this one was easily cured.....the next one may be either permanent or even fatal.

Given how horny you say she has been coming home to you, you'd be a fool to think she is just bottling all that sexual energy up til she gets home to you......from what I've seen of people on meth, she is most likely running around with a multitude of partners.

Get Out!

Meth is the most destructive addiction I have ever witnessed.

My aunt did it for over 20 years.

One of my best friends just blew his M and life apart in 2014 in less than 5 months of using it......and he's still struggling to clean himself up.


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## As'laDain

my sister is a meth addict...

trust me, if you don't force her, against her will, to get clean, she never will.
if you have no way of doing that, its probably best to just let her go. 


if her own mother doesn't think there is anything wrong with her doing meth, you will probably never be able leverage enough support to get her to stop. and if that is the case, she will likely die from it at some point, and may even take you down with her.

as long as she is under the influence of meth, she is incapable of rational thought. she now feels that it is something she has to have just to live, and from her meth influenced perspective, anything and everything will be worth sacrificing.

im sorry you have to go through this...


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## SecondTime'Round

Getting a divorce doesn't mean you failed at your marriage or tossed sickness and health out the window. She presumably cheated on you since she gave you an STD, so from a Biblical standpoint, you have grounds for a divorce.


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## SoConfusedinNJ

In response to EleGirl:

How long have the two of you been married? - We were married on March 15, 2013

How old are the two of you? - I am 48, she is 31

What is your wife's history of illegal drug use? - When she was in her teens she had a problem with cocaine but had since been clean.

Does your wife have a job/career? - She works in a theater (musical plays) in New York City. Shes an actress that also teaches children. 

Thats one of the best parts, apparently one of the wealthy donors (age 77) to the theater is the one that got her to start doing meth. 


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I actually was wondering as someone else said on here if I would be able to get her forcefully committed because she might be a danger to herself or others, but last night she never showed up home, so I haven't seen her since she disappeared at 3am when I fell asleep on Wednesday. I am slowly coming to terms with the idea that the drug has done so much irreparable damage that even if she became clean, I don't think she will ever be the same person I fell in love with and married. 

I think Im in a stage where my confusion is turning into something else, I think anger and frustration. Is there a pattern to these emotions? 

This is affecting my business, my life, this is a 24 hour 7 day a week purgatory. Thats what it feels like. I know I have to leave. Its just not as easy as it sounds, but Im sure you all know this. Now Im wondering about filing for a fault divorce vs no fault as we had no pre nup.


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## gouge_away

SoConfusedinNJ said:


> I did just that, I spoke to her, when I brought up rehab she laughed at me, told me she has no problem, that shes "a strong person mentally", and that shes not addicted. I then begged her to go see a therapist and that was a fight until I got her to agree to go to 1 session. Last night we had sex because she practically raped me until my skin was raw, I fall asleep, wake up at 3am and shes nowhere to be found, she left, hasnt been back since. Ive been texting her and shes responding but Im worried that shes going to die. I called her mother and told her what was happening and I feel like everyone is acting like nothing is wrong but me.
> 
> I think if I never had the "good catholic schoolboy" education back in the 70's I wouldnt be feeling like this. I feel like Im doing something morally wrong by not forcing her to get help, at the same time knowing, that you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped. Sorry about the grammer, or rambling, but this is the first time I can speak about this to anyone.


With the above I would walk away, today, turn her in to the authorities, she will get a chance to fix HERSELF, before they throw the book at her.

Find out what the local laws say as far as possession of methamphetamines, paraphernalia and drug use. If paraphernalia is a felony, destroy it, make sure you only have in your possession the minimal amount of the drug to avoid felony charges. This way she will be able to take advantage of the rehabilitation services without being charged as a felon.

Then turn her in, they will have a very small amount of drugs to legally test her, once she is tested she will most likely be offered a chance to clean up. After you have notified the authorities file for divorce, let the court know that your petition should be suspended upon the condition that she follows through with a rehabilitation program.

As far as your faith convictions, she gave you an STI, that should remove any religious obligations to remain with her. You are no longer biblically obliged to stay married to an adulterer.


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## bandit.45

SoConfusedinNJ said:


> I apologize for not specifying earlier, there are no kids, thankfully because I would never want anyone to have to see something like this.


Then get out of this and divorce her. 

I'm so sorry man, but you have lost her. 

You have lost her. Get this through your head...as painful as it sounds. Meth is the most addictive drug and the hardest to get over...far more addictive than heroin. 

I come from Southern Arizona, where meth has literally destroyed the culture and annihilated entire towns. I have seen first hand the devastation it has wrought in rural communities. I have seen men and women I know literally reduced to animals. 

Read BashfulBull's thread. His exWW was a meth addict, and she did horrifying things to get her fix. As your wife spirals down, she will stoop to doing things you could not imagine. She will continue cheat on you with multiple partners, lie to you, steal from you...it will never end. 

Get away from her and file for divorce. You cannot save her. I'm so sorry man.


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## DanielleBennett

SoConfusedinNJ said:


> I did just that, I spoke to her, when I brought up rehab she laughed at me, told me she has no problem, that shes "a strong person mentally", and that shes not addicted. I then begged her to go see a therapist and that was a fight until I got her to agree to go to 1 session. Last night we had sex because she practically raped me until my skin was raw, I fall asleep, wake up at 3am and shes nowhere to be found, she left, hasnt been back since. Ive been texting her and shes responding but Im worried that shes going to die. I called her mother and told her what was happening and I feel like everyone is acting like nothing is wrong but me.
> 
> I think if I never had the "good catholic schoolboy" education back in the 70's I wouldnt be feeling like this. I feel like Im doing something morally wrong by not forcing her to get help, at the same time knowing, that you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped. Sorry about the grammer, or rambling, but this is the first time I can speak about this to anyone.


If I were you, I wouldn't let her have sex with you anymore. If you have to, push her off. Print off signs of addiction and show them to her, and tell her again she's addicted. If you really want her to go to rehab, just tell her that if she doesn't go and get better then the next time she comes home high you will call the police. Seems harsh, but it may be the only way to get an intervention with her.


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## phillybeffandswiss

boltam said:


> No, she could be having sex recreationally with other meth heads. He already posted about how much of a crazy nymphomaniac she becomes when she's under the effects of a meth high. She probably can't get enough sex to satisfy her drug induced cravings.


What you just posted is EXACTLY why I said selling.


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## bandit.45

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amber74747474

You can get through this if you want your wife back show her the best feelings in life are not the false great feelings method can give. She is chasing a feeling. That will soon ware down as her body is slowly broke down for the chemicals in meth.im a ex addict and if she loves you foreal she will choose you over the high.but some will never see almost like meth is a blinder from something she I'd unhappy with.she thinks it helps her cope when really it's just the opposite over time


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## cdbaker

Her family isn't concerned about this at all? Gosh I would think most parent's or siblings would be racing to help if they found out that their loved one was using meth, whether "addicted" or not.

I'd say you should meet with a therapist yourself, one who specializes in drug addiction, to get advice on how you can or should proceed. Listen to him/her first and foremost, but my thought is that you should try to push (and even force if need be) her into a drug rehab of some kind. If you ultimately can't do that, you might even consider finding a way for her to get caught by the police in some capacity? That might be a last resort...


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## Bananapeel

One of my best friends is a meth addict so I've got a pretty good idea of the conflict you are feeling. It's a horrible addiction and it will damage everyone in her life that tries to get involved. The best thing to do is get out immediately. If she gets treatment and recovers (I know you want that to happen but its a very low probability) then at that point you can re-evaluate. But as her husband you need to remember that anything she does you are responsible for. So if she gets high and hurts someone, you get sued and lose everything you have. If she does something irresponsible with your kids (if you have any) they get taken away from you for failing to protect from a known addict. There's also a possibility that she or her meth friends will try to rob you and you could end up hurt or dead. Find a support group for spouses of addicts ASAP so you get a better idea of what you are really dealing with. For my friend, I pulled out of his life and it sucked for me, but he didn't really seem to care that much. I'm really sorry for you.


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## turnera

The next time you catch her doing drugs, call the police and tell them to come get her. It's the only way she's going to get help.


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## gouge_away

Just remember once the police are involved as her husband you have every right to step back, because of your constitutional rights, you cannot be compelled to testify against your wife in a court of law, the police would not be able to call you into court to confirm a statement that you made to them.

If you turn your wife over to the authorities you can provide them with the information they need to arrest her however what you tell them cannot be used to prosecute her if you choose not to testify in court.

She will get arrested but its unlikely she will get charged for a felony unless she is linked to somebody else that the police get a statement from.

That is why I suggested destroying all paraphernalia, and only leaving a very small amount of the drug that won't carry trafficking charges. What they test in her system will be what they use to charge her.

Again, check local laws, speak with a criminal defense attny.


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## EleGirl

SoConfusedinNJ,

I'm checking in on you. How's it going? Are you ok?


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