# Relationships in your early 20's



## Icaredou (Feb 25, 2010)

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, on and off.
I've known him for 7 years.
I'm 22, he's almost 25.

We have a communication problem. He doesn't understand what i'm saying when I talk to him, even when I go through what i'm trying to say slowly and logically, it somehow get twisted in his mind and he puts words in my mouth that I never said.

I'm not sure what to do, i'm not sure how to solve a problem when 1/2 of the relationship doesn't ever concede that he's part of the issue. 

I love him, he says he loves me too, but I feel that if he truely loved me he wouldn't take me for granted and care more about our communication issues. I feel like im doing all the work in this relationship. 

Anyone have any advice for me please?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

you could have a mediator listen to your discussion. that way you will get an unbiased opinion on what seems to be happening. It could be that he has some emotional issues so he never "hears" you, but it could also be that what you think is logical, is not. And a lot of times it boils down to both people wanting to be understood so nobody ends up listening.


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## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

Your husband must be related to mine! lol, We have the exact same issue (Im just about 22- he's 26) My problem with him is if my answer isnt in 5 words or less, he ends up zoning out half the time, and then wonders and gets upset when i become irritated at having to repeat myself like 4 times in a row..... I dont really have advice for you really. We went to a counselor when things were getting rough, and THAT really helped- but if you went that route, i would suggest going to more than just 1 session until you get everything out on the table. 
If your hubs is anything like mine, good luck in getting him to go though, it took some REALLY rocky times and asking him over and over before i could get him to go to just one meeting (he said that I should be the one going because I am the one who wants the help) blah blah blah.......
Anyways sorry I couldnt be more help. Just know that youre not alone and hang in there!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Definitely get some counseling! You will be able to get professional assistance in your mutual communication skills. It is impossible to know if he is really misunderstanding you or simply responding in a way that allows him to have an advantage. 

If he won't go, then maybe you need to think about moving on. Anyone who refuses to work toward a better relationship is sending a very clear signal that they don't value it as much as you do.


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## HindSight (Feb 24, 2010)

I think Blanca has a great plan. We all think we make perfect logical sense, but everyone thinks differently. Find a 3rd party to listen in and help offer communication tips may just help.  And you definitely want to bridge that gap before planning the future because communication and compromise seem to be the 2 biggest and most important things that can save relationships. Without communication I'm not sure how successfully you'll make it through another 50 years.


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