# Sharing kids and their belongings. ??



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

So maybe there is a better spot for this but I didn't see it.

I am in limbo right now. After trial but before decree is finished.

When my wife left she took some of the kids clothes etc. She said she tried to be fair and I had no issue with it.

Now she has started to be possessive. She doesn't let the kids wear there "good" or "new" clothes to my house and they get sent home in the "old" stuff we had before.

She even asked for my sons new underwear and socks last Sunday when she picked the kids up. I told her he was wearing some and the others are in the laundry. 

This seems weird to me. I figure if they leave here with a set of clothes on they should come back with a set of clothes. Not "mine" or their "moms" but just some of their clothes on.

Very irritating but I figure I will let it go until my wife has all her stuff out of the house and the decree is done. after that I will say something.

What do you all think? Is this crazy stuff common? I just feel it is another way of my wife putting herself first in front of the poor kids. What a loser.


----------



## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Just reading her behavior is irritating. It sounds strange to say the least.
Just get them more nice clothes for at your house and eventually there won't be "old" things for her to send them home in. You might have to keep their expensive toys (that you bought or gift them with) from going to her house because it sounds like she thinks everything they have at her house should be better than what they have at your house.
I would not get into it with her for a while after the latest dust settles. Just see what happens after a while it might stop too but a reaction from you could keep it going for forever. IDK really but wish you the best of luck.


----------



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

My wife cancelled our daughters therapy too. With all that has happened the last week with trial and all I feel it is important for our daughter to see the therapist.


----------



## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

When you get the kids, take them home..get their clothes they have on and put them in the laundry. Dress them in clothes that you and they have gone out and bought. 

When you return the kids or they are picked up, always dress them in the cleaned clothes that they arrived in. 

Never share between households. This is setting up boundaries.

If you are paying Child Support, then the EX can take that $$ and buy whatever they need.

Your role is: to provide $$ for Food, Shelter and Clothing. If you give her anything "extra" she will begin to expect it. That isn't correct. She has the Child Support. 

Two households means duplicates and there may be differences between the households. If the kids want to keep on what you have bought for them, that must be explained to the kids, that those clothes are for Dad's Place. Bring it back. 

Give the kids back-packs or luggage to sort things out, so they can transport.

If you don't have have boundaries there will be too much crossing over and the blur will become frustrating.


----------



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

That sounds terrible. Trying to make a 3 & 5 year old take luggage back and forth seems crazy. No offence. 

I plan on getting the support because I want the kids! I really don't care about the support, I just want the kids.


----------



## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

No offence taken. 

But on the contrary: 3 & 5 year olds with little luggage bags, their favorite charcters on them, back-packs, kids love that kind of stuff! Especially girls!

Soon they will be 4 & 6, its a great age to start them with a little independance. Nothing major, just have them bring things for you to stuff in the bags and make a game out of it. It will be fun to see what they want to put in there! It's their thing. It sets boundaries up. Soon the kids will tell the EX what is and what isn't going. 

Making games or making fun out of the situations, being creative and engaging the kids in a process that they have say in is a great way to instill confidence and maturity in kids. 

Later in life other parents will marvel at how together your kids are, how they take care of their things and always come prepared. 

Worked well for me, my kids are much older now but we always had them carry things, even it was only their teddy bear or the lego and cars. Kids indentify very early on what is theirs and what is not. Why not encourage it?

Just a suggestion.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

It may sound terrible, but children of divorce are used to Dad's-house stuff and Mom's-house stuff. You should no more share clothing with your ex, than you would with a family friend when the kids go for a sleepover. You send them to a friends house in clothing you expect to get back. If your W demands otherwise, tell her no. This isn't being burdensome on your children. This is helping them be responsible for their belongings, and helping you set boundaries with the W.


----------



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I guess I'm still not clear on how all this works. I still cry a lot and worry about my kids and how this is tearing their family apart etc. I have not figured out how to move on yet I guess. I hope I will be a bit better after my wife gets her stuff out of the house.

She is never home and I know she won't be but her stuff makes me feel like not much has changed maybe. If you know what I mean.

I just don't like the idea of making my little kids tell their mom things. But as I type this I guess the kids tell me what mom wants. My daughter wanted to pack a doll and said mom wants this over there. I told her it is fine to take what ever she wanted.

I hope I am not screwing my kids up. I'm trying my best to be everything.


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Mine does the same crap. Now the clothes have become her personal possession and not the child's.


----------



## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

I want the kids! said:


> I guess I'm still not clear on how all this works. I still cry a lot and worry about my kids and how this is tearing their family apart etc. I have not figured out how to move on yet I guess. I hope I will be a bit better after my wife gets her stuff out of the house.
> 
> She is never home and I know she won't be but her stuff makes me feel like not much has changed maybe. If you know what I mean.
> 
> ...


Hang inthere, it is a difficult adjustment being a single parent. You will be fine. Jsut do the right thing but pay particualr attention to sendingthe right signals and establishing boundaries. 
Don't let the EX take advantage of you, and make sure the kids understand that in your house there are YOUR rules and stuff. 

You won't screw up the kids, they are too young for that as long as you are being calm and reasonable. Don't flare up or let emotions get away on you around the kids, you're their Dad they need you to be strong and Cucumber Cool. 

Put everything in order. Set a date to transfer at once everything that is required or needed. Get it all done. Then close the door on your EX and her world. Focus on the kids and their world with you in your home. 

I know this is tough, been there, done that.....


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Sounds like the "normal behavior" of my first wife. Anything to make my life more miserable than it already was. It will get worse. I bet she doesn't want you in their lives at all. This is probably being done to push you to do something you will regret in court as well.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Could I suggest that you give the W a firm time within which to get her stuff out. If she can't or won't, then put it in storage. Having her stuff out will help-at least I know it did with me. Then I would also suggest doing some sort of minor remodel project. Take a part of the home that makes you think of her and make it entirely yours. Reclaiming the homefront is another one of those tasks that helps. My final suggestion would be to tell W. or her attorney, that she is not to enlist the help of the children in getting their stuff over to her place. That should only be handled by the two of you. Your kids know you love them, that is everything.


----------



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Trial is done and I guess I assume the court will tell her how long she has to get her stuff. I have told her I would like it done by Dec 1st. She made a big deal aboutthe day and asked why then and I simply said because I want this over. The trial was Nov 8th so Dec 1st seems fair concidering she hasn't lived here since june or so.

Thanks to all and feel free to post more.


----------

