# What would you do?



## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

My husband of 20+ years dumped me about 3 weeks ago, we have a young daughter. Due to his financial situation, he had not been able to move out of the house, he sleeps in another room. He watches or baby girl while I am at work. For some background, he is leaving me because my controlling behavior had ruined his life and left him with nothing to show. He also said that he had not loved me for more than 5 years and he thought that buying a house and having our daughter might make things better. For him, it did not. 
Anyway, this had been immensely painful, but I now accept his decision and would like to move forward with my life with my daughter.
So here is my dilemma, I would like him to leave the house. I don't think it is fair for him to say he's leaving me, that it is all my fault, that ut can never be fixed, and then expect to stay here in the house. 
He could go stay with his brother, but his pride won't let him. He is talking about going to stay st s hotel for a while. Until he can figure out a more permanent place to live. 
And although I really want him or, I feel like I am throwing him out on the street and I feel guilty. 
What would you do? Let him stay or make him leave and figure it out on his own?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, you probably can't "make" him leave. It's his home too.  So your option is for you to leave, or to start divorce proceedings and let that all fall out where it does. May be a little early for that though, if you prefer to fix your marriage.

C


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

I begged him to go to MC, he refused, said there is no point. 
The thing with the house is that it is my name only and he wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage if I left, but I can afford it without his help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I don't think that is in your best interest to make him leave by force, if you are really going to divorce is better to do it in amicable terms, I am just advicing you this because I am assuming that there is no other woman in the picture and he is not being nasty or abusive with you.

If he is really helping you taking care of the kid and you still want a relationship with him, why don't let him be there in the mean time, maybe he needs sometime before coming to his senses.

You can also begin to apply the 180 guide to detach from him, your indiference could have a positive effect and make him realize that is worth giving a another shot to the marriage


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## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

My understanding is that if you are in the US, you can't legally force him to leave. The best you can do is file and ask for him to leave in the request for temporary orders. It doesn't matter whether his name is on the deed or not. Our 'marital home' was my separate property, bought and paid for before we got married and my attorney told me I did not have the right to lock him out. Lucky for me he left in a huff and never asked to come back.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

I'm kind've in the same position as you. I think you should read this book:
The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage: Michele Weiner Davis: 9780684873251: Amazon.com: Books

I started to read it and it's given me some great insight. I think because you have a young daughter and he's an active father, let him stay. The book says to give him some space to process and even if he doesn't want to go to MC, you can still make changes yourself that will evoke changes in him.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

I think that he had decided to move out finally. He told me that he would start looking for places this weekend. So hopefully he will be out in the next week or two.


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