# Advice on assets



## cowboyreggie (Jun 1, 2014)

Long story short - I have not been there emotionally for my wife and she had an EA. I confronted her about it. A few weeks later, she told me she doesn't think our marriage can be fixed and she wants a divorce. I did all the wrong things in the beginning. Begging, pleading, etc. Then I started the 180 and started going to IC. No one has filed yet, but she wants me to talk about dividing up our assets with her. She wants it to be amicable without fighting each other with attorneys. We live in a no-fault state. No kids. I know we can probably agree on all the small stuff like my bikes/tools and her jewelry/hobby stuff, but i'm worried about the larger items, in particular my retirement and the house. 

We have about $150K equity in the house and about $200K in my retirement since we got married. We are both entitled to 50% of both. In our negotiations, would it make more financial sense for me to keep the house or to keep the money in my retirement account in tact? Looking for advice here. We've both expressed interest in keeping the house but i'm not sure what would make more sense for me. What are my options here?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

First question is can you or her afford the home by yourselves? Is the equity number realistic? What houses are worth and what they sell for are very different numbers. An appraiser will typically give a higher number than a real estate agent. Do you have a strong emotional attachment to the home? Is the home going to need major repairs in the next couple years?

Retirement account would depend on your age, if you are young and have years to rebuild the account it could be worth giving her more of that asset. While its an asset, its one that in theory you wont utilize till later in life. 

Im in my late 40’s and I don’t love my house and would rather keep my retirement but that is soley me. Our housing market is horrible here so we have a flood of good homes on the market. I can find a place to suit my needs cheaper than my place which is bigger than I need. Your market may be different and that would factor into your decision.


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

What's the income situation like? Do you both have retirement accounts at work?

If not, lets say you do, she doesn't, then give her the retirement account to grow, you take the house, and keep building your retirement.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What kind of retirement account is it? 401K?

Have you looked into any taxes and penalties that might have to be paid if she takes any of the retirement? That has to be considered.

I assume that you are both on the mortgage of the house. Could either of you qualify to get it refinanced. If she gets the house, make sure she has it refinanced BEFORE any find settlement is signed. It's not unusual for the spouse who gets the house to not be able to refinance it. Sometimes they stop paying on it. If this happens in your case your credit would be hurt.

The retirement is cash on hand and a sure thing.

In the current economy the house is more iffy. Would you really get 150 K out of a sale? How much would you end up paying a realtor in the sale? What's the cost of refinance?

Lost of things to consider.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What kind of retirement account is it? 401K?
> 
> Have you looked into any taxes and penalties that might have to be paid if she takes any of the retirement? That has to be considered.
> 
> ...



I am under the impression that you can split a 401k in a divorce without triggering taxes. That is what I have planned to do anyway.

The housing market will improve for likely about 2-3 years but then credit is expected to get increasingly more expensive as the fed phases out of easing and the developing world, particular China, starts to run hot in demand for capital. Expect interest rates in 7-8% range in 3-5 as demand for capital goes up. High interest will put back pressure the housing market but it is unclear to what extent it will slow it. 

If you plan on living in your house for decades, keeping it is a viable option. But then net worth is locked up. If you plan on selling in the next two years you might do better than the stock market with property but if you are still in the house in 4 years, intend to stay in it for 15-20 more to be safe.

In contrast the 401k is liquid and flexible. Diversify your wealth in investments in the developing world and that are not valued in the same currency. Inflation of the US dollar is a major concern over the next decade. 

You can also borrow against your 401k for another home, or could withdraw it, with penalties, for school or a business. It really depends on what you want to do and then pick the asset that fits that life.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Depends. From a practical standpoint when you are single will you enjoy living in the house alone with all of its memories and will you enjoy keeping it up and also paying for it? Would you be able to sell it on down the line?

Then there is the issue of dating/starting over. If you plan to start over with another relationship at some point in the near future, then consider being more flexible by not owning property. I really doubt I would want to set up housekeeping with someone in a place where they had a life with someone else, regardless of how it ended, I would want a place that was 'fresh'. There could be some exceptions to this, but generally speaking it would creep me out a bit. I don't know if other people feel like this, or if it's a thing specific to women, or specific to me. On a basic level, it's just a house and it's a nice asset, on a metaphysical level, it's a place where a significant relationship happened with someone else and all those memories are embedded in all the views, walls, floors, ceilings, fixtures, furnishings, etc. I'd feel like I was inserted into someone else's life. Could not do it.


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