# Did my wife have a one night stand?



## teton176 (23 d ago)

This question asks for your opinion on whether my wife had a one-night stand while on an overseas trip.

Background: Married 2008 to an Australian woman. Marriage generally happy. One son, diagnosed with mild autism spectrum disorder. Things in the marriage seemed to be normal until unusual behavior was noticed 04/2019. To cut to the chase, I was suspicious of her behavior, obtained all of her text messages and found that she had an emotional affair with a “friend” from at least 04/2019-10/2019. I suspect but cannot prove physical involvement. Having been an insurance fraud investigator, I was not shy about demonstrating proof in response to lies about her emotional intimacy with this “friend”. She finally confessed 04/2021 and I made it clear to her and the “friend” that any further contact between them would result in an immediate divorce filing. Marital counseling took place and things seemed to be on the mend. Until…

12/15/2022, my wife and son went to Australia on a combination business/family visit. 12/20/2022, she went out for a work party as her employer is based in Sydney. She told our son that she would be back at the hotel by 9:00 PM. My son contacted me at 11:00 PM Sydney time, “Mom is not back and I am afraid”. I called her multiple times and got her Australian family involved who also tried to contact her. No response. She showed back up at the Sydney hotel at 1:00 AM, so drunk that she didn’t remember the room number. Hotel staff had to help her find her room. Her explanation was that she was out of cell range and her phone was on “do not disturb”. I don’t buy it. She left a special needs child alone in a hotel in a foreign city for four hours past the time she said she would return but didn’t once think to call him and let him know? I may be paranoid but a night out with coworkers that involves copious quantities of alcohol is a recipe for disaster. Booze decreases human inhibition and enables people to do things they would not do while sober. Saying she was out of cell phone range in a major city, saying her phone was on “do not disturb” and “forgetting” to tell a special needs child that she would be four hours late in getting back to the hotel room? I ain’t buying it. Her prior history of emotional infidelity is a damning indicator IMO. Any opinions are welcome.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't care if she did or not.

The way she treated your son was reprehensible and I would next her for that infraction alone.

What a biatch!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It's certainly suspicious. Could the "friend" have been in the area she's visiting? If not, then she could still have hooked up with someone else she knew or met, even at work.


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## teton176 (23 d ago)

"Friend" lives in the US. Highly unlikely that they accompanied her to Australia. I am more concerned that her prior infidelity, alleged lack of cell phone access and drunkenness means something much more than a booze binge happened here. She readily admitted to having drank too much and attributed the four-hour interval to booze. This may be a paranoid perspective, however, what would an adulterous spouse do while having a one night stand? Keep their phone on so calls could get through? No, phones get turned off as to not disturb the "interlude"


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

How old is your son? Has he been left alone before? 
As to the cheating it's hard to say but her behaviour was unacceptable anyway.


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## teton176 (23 d ago)

Diana7 said:


> How old is your son? Has he been left alone before?
> As to the cheating it's hard to say but her behaviour was unacceptable anyway.


Thanks for your note. He is 14. He is high-functioning autistic and people don't know he is on the spectrum unless we tell him. However, whether he is a "typical" child or on the Autism Spectrum Disorder, my wife did not think to call him and tell him she would be four hours late getting back from a work party. What kind of mother leaves their child alone in a hotel room in a foreign city and does not take the time to tell them they will be late getting back to the hotel room? What is she hiding?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

teton176 said:


> What is she hiding?


Penis, she is hiding penis.


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## QuestionAssumptions (2 mo ago)

teton176 said:


> Thanks for your note. He is 14. He is high-functioning autistic and people don't know he is on the spectrum unless we tell him. However, whether he is a "typical" child or on the Autism Spectrum Disorder, my wife did not think to call him and tell him she would be four hours late getting back from a work party. What kind of mother leaves their child alone in a hotel room in a foreign city and does not take the time to tell them they will be late getting back to the hotel room? What is she hiding?


When you see her face to face, ask her if she'd be willing to take a polygraph test concerning what happened that night, the nature of her previous affair, and so on. Her reaction to that request, alone, might tell you a great deal.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

teton176 said:


> Thanks for your note. He is 14. He is high-functioning autistic and people don't know he is on the spectrum unless we tell him. However, whether he is a "typical" child or on the Autism Spectrum Disorder, my wife did not think to call him and tell him she would be four hours late getting back from a work party. What kind of mother leaves their child alone in a hotel room in a foreign city and does not take the time to tell them they will be late getting back to the hotel room? What is she hiding?


Well, I can tell I'm not going to be of much use here.

I can't comprehend the major infraction of the night in question not being the shabby treatment of your son.

I don't give a flying rip what the woman was doing WHILE SHE WAS NEGLECTING HER SON.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Do you leave your son alone when not traveling? 

You guys never leave him at the house until you're home from work or to go to the store? 

I wouldn't automatically assume she was cheating, but she did stay out of touch too long and got too drunk, sounds like.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Teton, you have problems and these problem are of a serious nature with a woman that you cannot longer trust. When trust is gone, everything is gone as well. Not longer trusting your partner means that you no longer can have a balanced relationship. Therefore, on average, the end result is that the relationship for all intended purposes is over.

Why spend the rest of your life with mind movies about what did she do or not do? why spend the rest of your life being a warden making sure that she keeps in line? That's a soul killer for one's self. I just couldn't live that way. You on the other hand you do you.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

teton176 said:


> "Friend" lives in the US. Highly unlikely that they accompanied her to Australia. I am more concerned that her prior infidelity, alleged lack of cell phone access and drunkenness means something much more than a booze binge happened here. She readily admitted to having drank too much and attributed the four-hour interval to booze. This may be a paranoid perspective, however, what would an adulterous spouse do while having a one night stand? Keep their phone on so calls could get through? No, phones get turned off as to not disturb the "interlude"


Yah the blatant child neglect especially a child with special needs would be worse then a ONS in my opinion. I don't see there being any valid excuse here. I always say people either have cheating in them or not a person who could cheat could cheat with or without booze, a person who would not cheat wouldn't no matter how much booze they have. Your wife has prior issues to she could. But even getting drunk when you have a special needs kid alone in a Hotel room is really messed up. She should have gone to the party for the shortest amount of time possible and gotten back to the child. She is not responsible enough to be solely responsible for the child and that is important for you to acknowledge for the future. Based on how her actions reflect on her character I would say odds are she did something.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

teton176 said:


> This question asks for your opinion on whether my wife had a one-night stand while on an overseas trip.
> 
> Background: Married 2008 to an Australian woman. Marriage generally happy. One son, diagnosed with mild autism spectrum disorder. Things in the marriage seemed to be normal until unusual behavior was noticed 04/2019. To cut to the chase, I was suspicious of her behavior, obtained all of her text messages and found that she had an emotional affair with a “friend” from at least 04/2019-10/2019. I suspect but cannot prove physical involvement. Having been an insurance fraud investigator, I was not shy about demonstrating proof in response to lies about her emotional intimacy with this “friend”. She finally confessed 04/2021 and I made it clear to her and the “friend” that any further contact between them would result in an immediate divorce filing. Marital counseling took place and things seemed to be on the mend. Until…
> 
> 12/15/2022, my wife and son went to Australia on a combination business/family visit. 12/20/2022, she went out for a work party as her employer is based in Sydney. She told our son that she would be back at the hotel by 9:00 PM. My son contacted me at 11:00 PM Sydney time, “Mom is not back and I am afraid”. I called her multiple times and got her Australian family involved who also tried to contact her. No response. She showed back up at the Sydney hotel at 1:00 AM, so drunk that she didn’t remember the room number. Hotel staff had to help her find her room. Her explanation was that she was out of cell range and her phone was on “do not disturb”. I don’t buy it. She left a special needs child alone in a hotel in a foreign city for four hours past the time she said she would return but didn’t once think to call him and let him know? I may be paranoid but a night out with coworkers that involves copious quantities of alcohol is a recipe for disaster. Booze decreases human inhibition and enables people to do things they would not do while sober. Saying she was out of cell phone range in a major city, saying her phone was on “do not disturb” and “forgetting” to tell a special needs child that she would be four hours late in getting back to the hotel room? I ain’t buying it. Her prior history of emotional infidelity is a damning indicator IMO. Any opinions are welcome.


I can see why you may be concerned about cheating. Who knows what happens when you get so drunk you can't even remember your room number. Even if you just set that aside for the moment, what she did to her child is ridiculous. Given her very poor decision making skills nothing she does would be a surprise.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I think it's unlikely that she had a one-night stand, unless she's demonstrated some kind of promiscuity before. Yes, the affair from years ago was bad behavior, but it doesn't necessarily mean that she sleeps with guys on a whim. She probably just got really drunk, was having a great time, and lost track of the time. I doubt that she'd let just anyone "down under", unless she's close with some other guy from work. But yes, I agree with others that getting drunk and abandoning your son in the hotel makes her a pretty crappy mom. 

It would be interesting to see how she'd respond to a request that she take a polygraph.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

I'm. Ore upset at this point of leaving a special needs child alone, in a foreign country, being 4 hours late with her phone in not disturb mode and then arriving at the hotel in absolutely no condition to care for calm her sons fears. This is the most agregious issue at hand! Have any family there check on your son and possibly remove him from her till she visits. If it is.possble. there are serious questions here that need to be answered.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

teton176 said:


> Marriage generally happy


Maybe before 2019, but not since obviously.



teton176 said:


> emotional affair with a “friend” from at least 04/2019-10/2019. I suspect but cannot prove physical involvement.


Six months. Your suspicion is likely on target.



teton176 said:


> 12/20/2022, she went out for a work party as her employer is based in Sydney. She told our son that she would be back at the hotel by 9:00 PM.





teton176 said:


> She showed back up at the Sydney hotel at 1:00 AM, so drunk that she didn’t remember the room number.


So does the employer throw drunken parties for the employees? Maybe that is par in AUS, but I doubt it.



teton176 said:


> I ain’t buying it. Her prior history of emotional infidelity is a damning indicator IMO. Any opinions are welcome.


My opinion is if you assume the "worst", you are on target.



teton176 said:


> What kind of mother leaves their child alone in a hotel room in a foreign city


This is the "firing offense" IMO. Leaving a minor in a hotel room alone in a major city in a foreign country is terrible. A "mother" doing that is unimaginable. I am not sure how your marriage recovers from this. 

My understanding is the Aussie women do pretty much what they damn well please and if hubby doesn't like it he can "take a hike". So imagine when you pick them up at the airport, there will be a major blowup.

BTW, so she and your son are off jetting around the world over the holidays and you are home alone? With these antics of hers to contemplate. Bummer.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> Maybe before 2019, but not since obviously.
> 
> 
> Six months. Your suspicion is likely on target.
> ...


Thats rather a generalisation of how Aussie women behave.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Thats rather a generalisation of how Aussie women behave.


Its just my understanding from a old colleague married to an Aussie woman. OP knows what he will be in for when the balloon goes up.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Forget even that he's special needs. Just the fact she got so plastered that she neglected her child to the point he had to call America is TERRIBLE behavior.

The ONLY thing that would excuse this would be if someone drugged her drink (which I suppose is possible given how out of it she was).


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

teton176 said:


> This question asks for your *opinion on whether my wife had a one-night stand *while on an overseas trip.
> 
> *.....She finally confessed 04/2021 and I made it clear to her and the “friend” that any further contact between them would result in an immediate divorce filing. Marital counseling took place and things seemed to be on the mend. Until…
> 
> ...





teton176 said:


> "Friend" lives in the US. Highly unlikely that they accompanied her to Australia. *I am more concerned that her prior infidelity, alleged lack of cell phone access and drunkenness means something much more than a booze binge happened here*. She readily admitted to having drank too much and attributed the four-hour interval to booze. This may be a paranoid perspective, however,* what would an adulterous spouse do while having a one night stand?* Keep their phone on so calls could get through? No, phones get turned off as to not disturb the "interlude"





teton176 said:


> ....*.He is 14. He is high-functioning autistic and people don't know he is on the spectrum unless we tell him.*.... *What kind of mother leaves their child alone in a hotel room in a foreign city* and does not take the time to tell them they will be late getting back to the hotel room? What is she hiding?


You posted a lot, so my response will be a little on the long side. You asked did your wife have a ONS in Australia between 9 PM and 1AM? Probably not. If she truly was at a business function it probably went from 9PM to 11PM or midnight. It started late and I would expect it wouldn't end for at least 2 hours maybe 3 hours based on past business and social networking events I have attended. 

That means she had at THE MOST 2 hours to spend some time in intimate conversation deciding to have sex, going to a place to have sex, have sex, get cleaned up enough to be seen in public and her son, and then travel back to where she and her son were staying. I would say the chances of her having a ONS were very small. It could have happened, but not likely.

Now let's look at her leaving your son alone. Wow. First of all you son is 14 and a teenager. A little younger but not much when this happened. Can a child of that age be left alone for a few hours? Yes. I was a "latch key" child growing up and I did fine. In fact, it probably instilled a sense of responsibility in me. What you wife did was not good, but it is not something, I would suggest you call child protective services to investigate. So calm down. I am certain that based on your actions her Australian family gave her an earful in addition to the points you made with her. It is the past, so let it go or divorce her and seek full child custody.

So what is the real problem? From my distant perspective, the real problem is that you and your wife have not established boundaries on her behavior. The marriage counseling obviously didn't establish the boundaries to your satisfaction. She had a EA and was caught. She repented and in marriage counseling you were left with the impression she would not stray again. She goes to Australia and does something incredibly stupid and you are wondering if she had a PA, as it would cross an agreed upon boundary and probably cause you to divorce her.

What is clear to me is that you haven't really forgiven her regarding the EA. I can understand that but MC and continued marriage indicates you need to forgive her at some point. She is a flawed human being. We all are more or less. Her more. Humans make mistakes. You asked if I though she had a PA which probably is your threshold for divorce. I doubt it, but you get to make that choice. Forgive her or divorce her. The choice is yours.

Good luck.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

None of that spells cheating to me but it raises Qs about date rape & possible alcohol abuse but given the times no I don't think she had a ONS

It was beyond horrid that she left a special needs child alone in a hotel room period, let alone for so long. Why couldn't family take care of him or get him a babysitter? That is child endangerment & highly irresponsible. 

Her prior history of _emotional_ cheating doesn't mean she voluntarily had sex on this trip. I'm not saying her behavior was good but I still don't see cheating.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> Its just my understanding from a old colleague married to an Aussie woman. OP knows what he will be in for when the balloon goes up.


Ok, but Mr D is an Aussie and his female relatives seem really nice.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

D0nnivain said:


> None of that spells cheating to me but it raises Qs about date rape & possible alcohol abuse but given the times no I don't think she had a ONS
> 
> It was beyond horrid that she left a special needs child alone in a hotel room period, let alone for so long. Why couldn't family take care of him or get him a babysitter? That is child endangerment & highly irresponsible.
> 
> Her prior history of _emotional_ cheating doesn't mean she voluntarily had sex on this trip. I'm not saying her behavior was good but I still don't see cheating.


I can't even believe now there's a term such as "emotional cheating." I guess President Carter started that nonsense.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

@DownByTheRiver It's like an EA. When one SO pays more attention to somebody else than the partner.


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## Kput (3 mo ago)

A bit sketchy but probably not a ons, she would have realised leaving the boy on his own would draw to much attention as it has.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

teton176 said:


> This question asks for your opinion on whether my wife had a one-night stand while on an overseas trip.
> 
> Background: Married 2008 to an Australian woman. Marriage generally happy. One son, diagnosed with mild autism spectrum disorder. Things in the marriage seemed to be normal until unusual behavior was noticed 04/2019. To cut to the chase, I was suspicious of her behavior, obtained all of her text messages and found that she had an emotional affair with a “friend” from at least 04/2019-10/2019. I suspect but cannot prove physical involvement. Having been an insurance fraud investigator, I was not shy about demonstrating proof in response to lies about her emotional intimacy with this “friend”. She finally confessed 04/2021 and I made it clear to her and the “friend” that any further contact between them would result in an immediate divorce filing. Marital counseling took place and things seemed to be on the mend. Until…
> 
> 12/15/2022, my wife and son went to Australia on a combination business/family visit. 12/20/2022, she went out for a work party as her employer is based in Sydney. She told our son that she would be back at the hotel by 9:00 PM. My son contacted me at 11:00 PM Sydney time, “Mom is not back and I am afraid”. I called her multiple times and got her Australian family involved who also tried to contact her. No response. She showed back up at the Sydney hotel at 1:00 AM, so drunk that she didn’t remember the room number. Hotel staff had to help her find her room. Her explanation was that she was out of cell range and her phone was on “do not disturb”. I don’t buy it. She left a special needs child alone in a hotel in a foreign city for four hours past the time she said she would return but didn’t once think to call him and let him know? I may be paranoid but a night out with coworkers that involves copious quantities of alcohol is a recipe for disaster. Booze decreases human inhibition and enables people to do things they would not do while sober. Saying she was out of cell phone range in a major city, saying her phone was on “do not disturb” and “forgetting” to tell a special needs child that she would be four hours late in getting back to the hotel room? I ain’t buying it. Her prior history of emotional infidelity is a damning indicator IMO. Any opinions are welcome.


She had an affair with another man? = CHECK 
She is not behaving responsibly when on official trips? = CHECK

I am also married and a father. I can come to terms with a lapse in parental judgement (nobody is perfect), but I do NOT find "unfaithfulness" and "alcoholism" as marriage-worthy set of behaviors.

You need to push for a serious talk with your wife to come clean and explain to you that HOW [she] can address your concerns and regain your trust in view of her impressive track-record as a wife and a responsible adult. Put the onus on her in this matter.

*IF *she cannot provide satisfactory answers to you then you may decide what to do next.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

A 5 month affair that never got physical? Highly unlikely imo. The situation with the child was reprehensible, regardless of what she was doing.


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## teton176 (23 d ago)

Young at Heart said:


> You posted a lot, so my response will be a little on the long side. You asked did your wife have a ONS in Australia between 9 PM and 1AM? Probably not. If she truly was at a business function it probably went from 9PM to 11PM or midnight. It started late and I would expect it wouldn't end for at least 2 hours maybe 3 hours based on past business and social networking events I have attended.
> 
> That means she had at THE MOST 2 hours to spend some time in intimate conversation deciding to have sex, going to a place to have sex, have sex, get cleaned up enough to be seen in public and her son, and then travel back to where she and her son were staying. I would say the chances of her having a ONS were very small. It could have happened, but not likely.
> 
> ...


Wow, that is some really well-thought and objective advice. Thank you for your perspective. After the emotional affair, my knee-jerk reaction was to assume a physical affair in this circumstance. Your breakdown of timing does a lot to alleviate that concern. However, it is inconceivable to me that a mother of a special needs child would completely forget about them and not call to say that they would be late getting back to the hotel room. My son had to call his dad on the other side of the planet. My wife and I spoke about 45 minutes ago and I asked a series of pointed questions of what she did, with who, when and where. Her explanation was that she was severely intoxicated. It would be one thing if she and my son were alone in our house, she got bombed and our son sat up playing video games until 2:00 AM. Leaving him alone in a hotel room in a foreign country? I have SERIOUS issues with that and am not in a proper state to make decisions. Needless to say, she is aware that the fit has hit the shan and trust has once again been betrayed. 

thanks folks for your input. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but you have stepped up to offer perspectives that I alone would not generate. May I ask that they keep coming as an informed decision is the best decision. Thanks again.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Thats rather a generalisation of how Aussie women behave.


Very accurate though!


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

What makes you think the EA wasn't physical?

EA + Physical Proximity = PA (Gus's formula).

That is what I would be worried about....

Have you ever threatened to polygraph her?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

teton176 said:


> Wow, that is some really well-thought and objective advice. Thank you for your perspective. After the emotional affair, my knee-jerk reaction was to assume a physical affair in this circumstance. Your breakdown of timing does a lot to alleviate that concern. However, it is inconceivable to me that a mother of a special needs child would completely forget about them and not call to say that they would be late getting back to the hotel room. My son had to call his dad on the other side of the planet. My wife and I spoke about 45 minutes ago and I asked a series of pointed questions of what she did, with who, when and where. Her explanation was that she was severely intoxicated. It would be one thing if she and my son were alone in our house, she got bombed and our son sat up playing video games until 2:00 AM. Leaving him alone in a hotel room in a foreign country? I have SERIOUS issues with that and am not in a proper state to make decisions. Needless to say, she is aware that the fit has hit the shan and trust has once again been betrayed.
> 
> thanks folks for your input. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but you have stepped up to offer perspectives that I alone would not generate. May I ask that they keep coming as an informed decision is the best decision. Thanks again.


When do they come back?

It's best you guys do a lot of talking. My money is on her either having something slipped in her drink or her drinking too fast on an empty stomach and losing control. One night stand seems quite difficult to accomplish unless she was raped or borderline raped, being that intoxicated. 

Did she remember details of the evening or did she say she didn't remember things? Does she have an alcohol problem?


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## SnowToArmPits (Jan 2, 2016)

Hi OP.
I wonder if she was thinking she had ditched her stodgy husband and now it was party time in Australia.
You haven't mentioned she's a binge drinker, you haven't mentioned other occurrences of drunken nights without you.
If I were to guess, she's a bit of a wild child and can't keep it hidden forever, you might be in for the occasional flare up like this from time to time in the future.

Ask yourself honestly: does she seem happy in the marriage? Happy married to you? Happy being a mother?

If the answer to that is "no", you need to sort that out with her, don't let it lie, deal with it. If the answer is "yes" she's happy in her life ... look she's pissed you off, and behaved terribly here. Is it enough for a nuclear response (separation or divorce) ... I don't think so. But it's a concern, so if she keeps 'acting out' once she's home you've got a problem obviously.

And stick to your guns with your promise if she starts an EA again your marriage is over.

She's likely made it manditory for you to accompany her on future trips to Australia. Sucks, but this is who you're married to, man.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

Regardless of what happened - and I’m in the camp that a one-night strand is unlikely - she should have been on her best behavior given her recent infidelity… Especially with your 14 year old special needs child with her, it makes no sense that she did that. 

When do they return from the trip? I assume you have at least a few days, if I were you I would start writing down things I want to cover with her when she returns. How can she become a safe partner? GIve it some thought, It’s probably good you have some time to cool down while she is gone. I would let her know that she should expect to have in depth conversations about this when she returns, and “I don’t remember” “or I was too drunk and don’t remember” is not going to be an acceptable answer from her when you do talk about it. Then let it go, no sense in arguing about it over the phone. Wait until she gets home. 

One last thing — I would make it very clear that I expect she will not drink for the rest of the trip, clearly she can’t control her alcohol consumption and putting your child at risk again is a total non-starter. Good luck.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

D0nnivain said:


> @DownByTheRiver It's like an EA. When one SO pays more attention to somebody else than the partner.


Or more like insecure people not liking the fact their spouses have friends.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

teton176 said:


> This question asks for your opinion on whether my wife had a one-night stand while on an overseas trip.
> 
> Background: Married 2008 to an Australian woman. Marriage generally happy. One son, diagnosed with mild autism spectrum disorder. Things in the marriage seemed to be normal until unusual behavior was noticed 04/2019. To cut to the chase, I was suspicious of her behavior, obtained all of her text messages and found that she had an emotional affair with a “friend” from at least 04/2019-10/2019. I suspect but cannot prove physical involvement. Having been an insurance fraud investigator, I was not shy about demonstrating proof in response to lies about her emotional intimacy with this “friend”. She finally confessed 04/2021 and I made it clear to her and the “friend” that any further contact between them would result in an immediate divorce filing. Marital counseling took place and things seemed to be on the mend. Until…
> 
> 12/15/2022, my wife and son went to Australia on a combination business/family visit. 12/20/2022, she went out for a work party as her employer is based in Sydney. She told our son that she would be back at the hotel by 9:00 PM. My son contacted me at 11:00 PM Sydney time, “Mom is not back and I am afraid”. I called her multiple times and got her Australian family involved who also tried to contact her. No response. She showed back up at the Sydney hotel at 1:00 AM, so drunk that she didn’t remember the room number. Hotel staff had to help her find her room. Her explanation was that she was out of cell range and her phone was on “do not disturb”. I don’t buy it. She left a special needs child alone in a hotel in a foreign city for four hours past the time she said she would return but didn’t once think to call him and let him know? I may be paranoid but a night out with coworkers that involves copious quantities of alcohol is a recipe for disaster. Booze decreases human inhibition and enables people to do things they would not do while sober. Saying she was out of cell phone range in a major city, saying her phone was on “do not disturb” and “forgetting” to tell a special needs child that she would be four hours late in getting back to the hotel room? I ain’t buying it. Her prior history of emotional infidelity is a damning indicator IMO. Any opinions are welcome.


Whoa! She was definitely not acting proper sir. Likely doing the horizontal mambo with her paramour.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

teton176 said:


> This question asks for your opinion on whether my wife had a one-night stand while on an overseas trip.
> 
> Background: Married 2008 to an Australian woman. Marriage generally happy. One son, diagnosed with mild autism spectrum disorder. Things in the marriage seemed to be normal until unusual behavior was noticed 04/2019. To cut to the chase, I was suspicious of her behavior, obtained all of her text messages and found that she had an emotional affair with a “friend” from at least 04/2019-10/2019. I suspect but cannot prove physical involvement. Having been an insurance fraud investigator, I was not shy about demonstrating proof in response to lies about her emotional intimacy with this “friend”. She finally confessed 04/2021 and I made it clear to her and the “friend” that any further contact between them would result in an immediate divorce filing. Marital counseling took place and things seemed to be on the mend. Until…
> 
> 12/15/2022, my wife and son went to Australia on a combination business/family visit. 12/20/2022, she went out for a work party as her employer is based in Sydney. She told our son that she would be back at the hotel by 9:00 PM. My son contacted me at 11:00 PM Sydney time, “Mom is not back and I am afraid”. I called her multiple times and got her Australian family involved who also tried to contact her. No response. She showed back up at the Sydney hotel at 1:00 AM, so drunk that she didn’t remember the room number. Hotel staff had to help her find her room. Her explanation was that she was out of cell range and her phone was on “do not disturb”. I don’t buy it. She left a special needs child alone in a hotel in a foreign city for four hours past the time she said she would return but didn’t once think to call him and let him know? I may be paranoid but a night out with coworkers that involves copious quantities of alcohol is a recipe for disaster. Booze decreases human inhibition and enables people to do things they would not do while sober. Saying she was out of cell phone range in a major city, saying her phone was on “do not disturb” and “forgetting” to tell a special needs child that she would be four hours late in getting back to the hotel room? I ain’t buying it. Her prior history of emotional infidelity is a damning indicator IMO. Any opinions are welcome.


Pass a polygraph or I would figure she did.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> You posted a lot, so my response will be a little on the long side. You asked did your wife have a ONS in Australia between 9 PM and 1AM? Probably not. If she truly was at a business function it probably went from 9PM to 11PM or midnight. It started late and I would expect it wouldn't end for at least 2 hours maybe 3 hours based on past business and social networking events I have attended.
> 
> That means she had at THE MOST 2 hours to spend some time in intimate conversation deciding to have sex, going to a place to have sex, have sex, get cleaned up enough to be seen in public and her son, and then travel back to where she and her son were staying. I would say the chances of her having a ONS were very small. It could have happened, but not likely.
> 
> ...


It was supposed to be over and her back in the room by 9pm, she was 4 hrs late returning. Probably started at 5pm.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

teton176 said:


> Thanks for your note. He is 14. He is high-functioning autistic and people don't know he is on the spectrum unless we tell him. However, whether he is a "typical" child or on the Autism Spectrum Disorder, my wife did not think to call him and tell him she would be four hours late getting back from a work party. What kind of mother leaves their child alone in a hotel room in a foreign city and does not take the time to tell them they will be late getting back to the hotel room? What is she hiding?


From my experience, having a special needs child, your wife was so incredibly irresponsible she has to be nuts or a sociopath.( or both).
Look, let's a face it, you are never,ever going to get the truth from her. But, you , clearly, have a bad person on your hands.
She cheated for 6 months previously. She gets drunk and leaves her child alone all night. You have identified several things that make no sense ( the cell phone issues. And, BTW, which was it: out of range or on do not disturb? Seems she forgot which lie she told, eh?).
What does her family think of this? Why was she staying at a hotel vs with them.
Frankly, your wife makes me I'll. You should divorce her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I think it's unlikely that she had a one-night stand, unless she's demonstrated some kind of promiscuity before. Yes, the affair from years ago was bad behavior, but it doesn't necessarily mean that she sleeps with guys on a whim. She probably just got really drunk, was having a great time, and lost track of the time. I doubt that she'd let just anyone "down under", unless she's close with some other guy from work. But yes, I agree with others that getting drunk and abandoning your son in the hotel makes her a pretty crappy mom.
> 
> It would be interesting to see how she'd respond to a request that she take a polygraph.


I agree with this, totally.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

teton176 said:


> Wow, that is some really well-thought and objective advice. Thank you for your perspective. After the emotional affair, my knee-jerk reaction was to assume a physical affair in this circumstance. Your breakdown of timing does a lot to alleviate that concern. However, it is inconceivable to me that a mother of a special needs child would completely forget about them and not call to say that they would be late getting back to the hotel room. My son had to call his dad on the other side of the planet. My wife and I spoke about 45 minutes ago and I asked a series of pointed questions of what she did, with who, when and where. Her explanation was that she was severely intoxicated. It would be one thing if she and my son were alone in our house, she got bombed and our son sat up playing video games until 2:00 AM. Leaving him alone in a hotel room in a foreign country? I have SERIOUS issues with that and am not in a proper state to make decisions. Needless to say, she is aware that the fit has hit the shan and trust has once again been betrayed.
> 
> thanks folks for your input. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but you have stepped up to offer perspectives that I alone would not generate. May I ask that they keep coming as an informed decision is the best decision. Thanks again.


I would not be terribly comforted by this timeline analysis. As another poster pointed out, it seems off. She was scheduled to be back by 9, right? So, presumably, the gathering was slated to disband say 8:30. So, roughly 4 hours of time unaccounted. More than enough time to have sex. I mean really ample time.
As I mentioned my son has Down Syndrome and autism. His mom, my XW had zero conscience about absenting herself from his life for days at a time while cheating. I was left, consistently taking care of him and his younger brother by myself, night after night while she drank and had affairs.
Normal people do not abandon their kids. One wonders exactly how your wife was able to relax and have fun, knowing her child was alone in a hotel in a foreign country, let alone being ok being 4 hours late.
At the risk of sounding hyperbolic, this is, frankly, monstrous. 
Throw in previous cheating and the obvious lies about her cell phone and you have a bad one .
There was absolutely time for cheating. I have no idea if she did, however.
But, you have a wife with a history of infidelity who has now done this.
You are fortunate in th hat her previous cheating and this child endangerment puts you in a position to insist on a polygraph. Your wife, truly, has no standing to object or act indignant because of what she has done. It would be the height of hubris, temerity etc for her to get bent out of shape about this request.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Personal said:


> Or more like insecure people not liking the fact their spouses have friends.


Relatively easy distinction between an emotional affair and a friendship. Do some research and try some analysis. This is not astrophysics.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

teton176 said:


> Thanks for your note. He is 14. He is high-functioning autistic and people don't know he is on the spectrum unless we tell him. However, whether he is a "typical" child or on the Autism Spectrum Disorder, my wife did not think to call him and tell him she would be four hours late getting back from a work party. What kind of mother leaves their child alone in a hotel room in a foreign city and does not take the time to tell them they will be late getting back to the hotel room? What is she hiding?


"What kind of mother"? A HORRIBLE one!!!


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Again, I am somewhat perplexed at to how the timeline analysis reduced her available free time to 2 hours. Even with that flawed calculation, many , many of these cheating episodes occur in significantly less time than 2 hours. And the 4 hours she had is ample time.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Personal said:


> Or more like insecure people not liking the fact their spouses have friends.


To have friends of both genders is one of the best blessings of life.
A right and a need.
Anyhow, no friend of a person in a relationship haves any remotely sexual-like / romantic-like / flirtatious / ambiguous interaction with their friends WHILE they are in said relationship and WHILE they are friends.
Otherwise are betrayers of friendship and declared ennemies of their relationship and his / her partner.
And if so, no more friends at all.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> I agree with this, totally.


You should rethink that. Typically, you seem pretty astute.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

ElOtro said:


> To have friends of both genders is one of the best blessings of life.
> A right and a need.
> Anyhow, no friend of a person in a relationship haves any remotely sexual-like / romantic-like / flirtatious / ambiguous interaction with their friends WHILE they are in said relationship and WHILE they are friends.
> Otherwise are betrayers of friendship and declared ennemies of their relationship and his / her partner.
> And if so, no more friends at all.


Exactly.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

teton176 said:


> Wow, that is some really well-thought and objective advice. Thank you for your perspective. After the emotional affair, my knee-jerk reaction was to assume a physical affair in this circumstance. Your breakdown of timing does a lot to alleviate that concern. However, it is inconceivable to me that a mother of a special needs child would completely forget about them and not call to say that they would be late getting back to the hotel room. My son had to call his dad on the other side of the planet. My wife and I spoke about 45 minutes ago and I asked a series of pointed questions of what she did, with who, when and where. Her explanation was that she was severely intoxicated. It would be one thing if she and my son were alone in our house, she got bombed and our son sat up playing video games until 2:00 AM. Leaving him alone in a hotel room in a foreign country? I have SERIOUS issues with that and am not in a proper state to make decisions. Needless to say, she is aware that the fit has hit the shan and trust has once again been betrayed.
> 
> thanks folks for your input. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but you have stepped up to offer perspectives that I alone would not generate. May I ask that they keep coming as an informed decision is the best decision. Thanks again.


No disrespect sir, but does your wife drink to excess when home, or is this an unusual occurance?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Megaforce said:


> You should rethink that. Typically, you seem pretty astute.


Thanks.

I doubt she would jeopardize her job by screwing an unknown HQ coworker. 

Yes, anything is possible. She does have a poor track record.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Thanks.
> 
> I doubt she would jeopardize her job by screwing an unknown HQ coworker.
> 
> Yes, anything is possible. She does have a poor track record.


Right. Who knows. He will never get the truth. But, seriously, we see coworker hookups all the time. Plus, consider her prior cheating and her endangering her son, and we are not exactly talking about Mother Teresa here.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

teton176 said:


> My wife and I spoke about 45 minutes ago and I asked a series of pointed questions of what she did, with who, when and where. Her explanation was that she was severely intoxicated.


When do they come back home?
I think I'd be telling her she needs to end the trip and get her son home immediately.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

I write down whatever comes to my mind.

There is no company event where there is no telephone, the participants leave whenever they want unless there is a special situation.

Your wife has gone on a business/family trip, his colleagues are in the same city and hotel for the same event!

Your wife, who knows the situation of your child, must have a reason not to be late, I assume that she has approached all the issues you have said with the same sensitivity over the years and that she knows the tension that your child will be left alone for hours.

I used to think she left the kid alone because she got close to someone she met at the event (ons), or someone from the same city as you (ap).

your wife could have left the party early and arranged for enough time to go to a hotel or another room of the hotel she's staying in, make love, take a shower, and then go back to her room.

If location sharing is turned on on your wife's phone, you can check their location.

If the phone is in your name, check the recording of that evening from the service provider, at what times there were active messages, calls

look at the credit card charges, must have used it to come to the hotel

if she's cheating (if)

she will not leave you any evidence because she knows the subjects in which you are an expert.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

A ONS is the least of your worries. You know for a fact that you cannot trust your wife so your main priority must be with your son to insure that he is safe. Whatever else comes out of your relationship with your wife, do not allow her to take your son anywhere else again unless you are there to take care of him.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

Your wife sounds like a total 304. Do you really want to be with someone you have to keep in line like that? She sounds like the type that incessantly pushes boundaries.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Megaforce said:


> Again, I am somewhat perplexed at to how the timeline analysis reduced her available free time to 2 hours. Even with that flawed calculation, many , many of these cheating episodes occur in significantly less time than 2 hours. And the 4 hours she had is ample time.


If she actually attended the work-related event? 

If she cut it short or didn't bother to attend it at all, her free time could have been 7 hours or more.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Mega and Matt, both make very good points. She had ample time for a hookup. If she was going to be back at 9, then it probably did let out just after 8:30. 4 hour is a lot of time and that’s if she didn’t just dip out early. As for it being a ONS, that would be if she never met this person but if this is a coworker or customer/partner that she has dealt with in the past and had a flirty relationship that they finally had an opportunity to hookup, then it’s not a ONS but a EA turned to PA. 
When You consider that her last EA was very likely a PA, then I would not be giving her the benefit of the doubt.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

We can only speculate. My speculation is that a group of them decided to continue the party afterwards, which is common. And she was so hammered/loopy that she joined them and then didn't think another hour would be a big deal. Then it turned to 4 hours, because, yeah, alcohol. She may have figured, well, my son didn't call me, and he's probably asleep anyway.

If my wife did this, I would assume she got carried away partying and lost track of time being super drunk. And I'd be pissed off at her about that, given our son called all worried.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Gabriel said:


> We can only speculate. My speculation is that a group of them decided to continue the party afterwards, which is common. And she was so hammered/loopy that she joined them and then didn't think another hour would be a big deal. Then it turned to 4 hours, because, yeah, alcohol. She may have figured, well, my son didn't call me, and he's probably asleep anyway.
> 
> If my wife did this, I would assume she got carried away partying and lost track of time being super drunk. And I'd be pissed off at her about that, given our son called all worried.


I'm d factor in the prior affair. Still speculation, as you noted.

But, getting drunk and being late is monstrous. 

Do not forget she claims she was out of cell phone service or , alternatively, she had her phone on do not disturb ( againshe forgot which lie she told IMO). SO, comforting herself with the fact her son did not call could not be the case.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I’d bet you thought that since she took your son, who has slight special needs, and that you’re just one year into R from her 6 month “EA” that she would be on the straight and narrow. For her to be off the grid for nearly 4 hours, then come back completely sloshed is outrageous. What would have happened if your son were not there? Pull an all nighter?

Getting that drunk at a work function is not a good look. Has she been a heavy drinker in the past? If not, then very likely she was egged on to get so drunk by someone that wanted her in that state. I would push for a poly to find out the truth on both that night and her EA.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Yes, she really lacks standing to object to a poly with her history and this most recent atrocity.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Megaforce said:


> Again, I am somewhat perplexed at to how the timeline analysis reduced her available free time to 2 hours. Even with that flawed calculation, many , many of these cheating episodes occur in significantly less time than 2 hours. And the 4 hours she had is ample time.


JBLM can for sure attest to the minimal time a couple cheaters need to do the dirty deed!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

jsmart said:


> Getting that drunk at a work function is not a good look.


Well that depends on the workplace. Especially in Australia, where drinking lots of alcohol is a national pastime.

Not forgetting one of Australia's former Prime Minsters.

"Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up today is a bum"


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## Trdd (Jan 11, 2022)

teton176 said:


> Wow, that is some really well-thought and objective advice. Thank you for your perspective. After the emotional affair, my knee-jerk reaction was to assume a physical affair in this circumstance. Your breakdown of timing does a lot to alleviate that concern. However, it is inconceivable to me that a mother of a special needs child would completely forget about them and not call to say that they would be late getting back to the hotel room. My son had to call his dad on the other side of the planet. My wife and I spoke about 45 minutes ago and I asked a series of pointed questions of what she did, with who, when and where. Her explanation was that she was severely intoxicated. It would be one thing if she and my son were alone in our house, she got bombed and our son sat up playing video games until 2:00 AM. Leaving him alone in a hotel room in a foreign country? I have SERIOUS issues with that and am not in a proper state to make decisions. Needless to say, she is aware that the fit has hit the shan and trust has once again been betrayed.
> 
> thanks folks for your input. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but you have stepped up to offer perspectives that I alone would not generate. May I ask that they keep coming as an informed decision is the best decision. Thanks again.



Well, I disagree with the other poster's assesment of the timeline. The business party was projected to end at 9pm. I have been on a lot of business trips and evening dinners and they never are scheduled to go later than that. In fact most formal dinners or parties wrap up before 9pm and it sounds like she expected her's to as well so she could get back to the hotel by then. That timeline aligns with my 3 decades in business, working across multiple industries. 

Now, business dinners often continue at the bar after the formal meal concludes and that time at the bar may go on for hours but no one is expected to stay. It is optional. Do people drink too much? Yes, they may. But something kept her out drinking for an additional 4 hours. We don't know what kept her out but we do know it was compelling enough to blow off the timeline in a huge way toward her still pretty young son at a hotel in a foreign country. 

Having a good time, blowing off steam, great conversation... all those are very viable reasons to stay out later after the dinner ends. But 4 hours later? To 1am? When your son is at the hotel? With no contact at all? I agree with your initial assessment that something is very fishy. Does she have frequent alcohol problems and this is typical? If that is not the case, what could have caused her to drop the ball as a parent so dramatically? Something significant, something compelling. Not just I had a few too many drinks and that went on for 4 hours and I blew off our son. Was it a man? I think it is highly possible it was. 

Get her phone location data and see if that shows anything. And did she text or call anyone during the night or the next morning.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

teton176 said:


> Wow, that is some really well-thought and objective advice. Thank you for your perspective. After the emotional affair, my knee-jerk reaction was to assume a physical affair in this circumstance. Your breakdown of timing does a lot to alleviate that concern. However, it is inconceivable to me that a mother of a special needs child would completely forget about them and not call to say that they would be late getting back to the hotel room. My son had to call his dad on the other side of the planet. My wife and I spoke about 45 minutes ago and I asked a series of pointed questions of what she did, with who, when and where. Her explanation was that she was severely intoxicated. It would be one thing if she and my son were alone in our house, she got bombed and our son sat up playing video games until 2:00 AM. Leaving him alone in a hotel room in a foreign country? I have SERIOUS issues with that and am not in a proper state to make decisions. Needless to say, she is aware that the fit has hit the shan and trust has once again been betrayed.
> 
> thanks folks for your input. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but you have stepped up to offer perspectives that I alone would not generate. May I ask that they keep coming as an informed decision is the best decision. Thanks again.


Women can be masters at the game of deceit, bluff and deception, much better at it than men.
When women cheat rarely will they divulge the facts unless caught.
All us posters can do on reading your post is guess and speculate.
Unless you can manage to talk to anyone or people who were with your wife at that party and one of them spills the beans, than I doubt you`ll ever know for sure.
Do you know if there were any videos taken at the party or by her friends after the party was over? 
I guess your wife has a facebook or other social media accounts. Check her out on those and her social media friends to see if any of them have uploaded videos and/or photos of the event.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

If this is the child's birth mother then i have a real concern in another direction. Work with the idea. So she says to her son ill be back by 9, call me if you need me, love you, heads to the get together. On the way puts her phone on do not disturb for the business end. Arrives and runs into some colleagues and converses a bit. They get seated dinner starts. Like most ladies are want to do in these situations, she eats lightly, so easily becomes intoxicated. So afterwards enjoys conversations with fellow workers and gets distracted about putting phone in normal mode. Maybe one in particular fancies her and buys a few rounds and keeps the conversations going getting closer to her. The shark smells blood in the water. Shes showing signs of becoming intoxicated now. Hey imagine that so and so buys another round and it has appeared. Shes now at the point that despite her desire to have left soon to go be with her son, shes not caring or aware of the time. More drinks appear. More consumed. Now blackout drunk and unaware. Possibly now one of the men there, Mr free drinks, becomes the gentleman that will ensure she gets back to her hotel safely. Gets them a cab back and off they go no one aware of any foul play. On the way he has cab detour somewhere else. They get out go in and in her drunken stupor gets taken advantage of. Afterwards he loads her in another cab to her hotel and sends her on her way. She gets there cabbie helps unload her and leaves her. She's so trashed she can't remember her room, starts getting confused and loud now. Staff help her to her room.
This could be a possible scenario. Common thing. Maybe he could call the cab companies for the night in question and see if their was a pick up that fits this description. Also a pick up with delivery to her hotel as well.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Edit


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

TinyTbone said:


> If this is the child's birth mother then i have a real concern in another direction. Work with the idea. So she says to her son ill be back by 9, call me if you need me, love you, heads to the get together. On the way puts her phone on do not disturb for the business end. Arrives and runs into some colleagues and converses a bit. They get seated dinner starts. Like most ladies are want to do in these situations, she eats lightly, so easily becomes intoxicated. So afterwards enjoys conversations with fellow workers and gets distracted about putting phone in normal mode. Maybe one in particular fancies her and buys a few rounds and keeps the conversations going getting closer to her. The shark smells blood in the water. Shes showing signs of becoming intoxicated now. Hey imagine that so and so buys another round and it has appeared. Shes now at the point that despite her desire to have left soon to go be with her son, shes not caring or aware of the time. More drinks appear. More consumed. Now blackout drunk and unaware. Possibly now one of the men there, Mr free drinks, becomes the gentleman that will ensure she gets back to her hotel safely. Gets them a cab back and off they go no one aware of any foul play. On the way he has cab detour somewhere else. They get out go in and in her drunken stupor gets taken advantage of. Afterwards he loads her in another cab to her hotel and sends her on her way. She gets there cabbie helps unload her and leaves her. She's so trashed she can't remember her room, starts getting confused and loud now. Staff help her to her room.
> This could be a possible scenario. Common thing. Maybe he could call the cab companies for the night in question and see if their was a pick up that fits this description. Also a pick up with delivery to her hotel as well.


Or, she plied some guy with drinks, hit on him repeatedly, got him to drink to the point he was legally unable to consent to sex, then raped him. Who knows?


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Yes could maybe have gone either way. Just no justified reason to.get obliterated drunk with your child waiting in a hotel! Could've been slipped a mickey as well.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Well, I can tell I'm not going to be of much use here.
> 
> I can't comprehend the major infraction of the night in question not being the shabby treatment of your son.
> 
> I don't give a flying rip what the woman was doing WHILE SHE WAS NEGLECTING HER SON.


He IS livid about that. He’s said it several times.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

regardless if she did or did not, regardless of the timeline. Sex can be had in just a few minutes, e.g., right in the middle of the engagement, anyone can walk out outside to the parking lot, get inside a car with someone else, coming ahead, or before to the car, and proceed to a quicky all under a few minutes, go back to the engagement, like nothing have happened, and pretend business as usual. it happens all the time everywhere in this world. Now, a couple of hours not accounted for? anything is game for speculations.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> regardless if she did or did not, regardless of the timeline. Sex can be had in just a few minutes, e.g., right in the middle of the engagement, anyone can walk out outside to the parking lot, get inside a car with someone else, coming ahead, or before to the car, and proceed to a quicky all under a few minutes, go back to the engagement, like nothing have happened, and pretend business as usual. it happens all the time everywhere in this world. Now, a couple of hours not accounted for? anything is game for speculations.


My ex-wife who I divorced back in the '90s was having 5-minute quickies in her boyfriend's office during the workday with fellow employees milling about outside. She admitted the danger made it all the more exciting and made her climax harder. In one drunken confession before we divorced, when she was doing her best to dig the knife into me as deep as she could, she told me he would hold his hand over her mouth while he pounded away at her so she couldn't cry out when she came.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ArthurGPym said:


> My ex-wife who I divorced back in the '90s was having 5-minute quickies in her boyfriend's office during the workday with fellow employees milling about outside. She admitted the danger made it all the more exciting and made her climax harder. In one drunken confession before we divorced, when she was doing her best to dig the knife into me as deep as she could, she told me he would hold his hand over her mouth while he pounded away at her so she couldn't cry out when she came.


Ouch. That is so low class of her to say that.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Ouch. That is so low class of her to say that.


She didn't agree with the divorce decree the judge laid down. Parting shots.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ArthurGPym said:


> She didn't agree with the divorce decree the judge laid down. Parting shots.


If it makes you feel any better, I could tell you stories about f'ed up stuff my XW did. LOL


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> If it makes you feel any better, I could tell you stories about f'ed up stuff my XW did. LOL


Oh... I have read a few that you shared. Your ex was intentionally evil. 

Mine was just a trifling brat who was angry because I went through with the divorce when I realized that any hope of real R was futile and that she was a clueless twit. She wrote me a letter a few months later apologizing for what she said. I threw it in the box where I kept my new puppy so he could pee on it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> regardless if she did or did not, regardless of the timeline. Sex can be had in just a few minutes, e.g., right in the middle of the engagement, anyone can walk out outside to the parking lot, get inside a car with someone else, coming ahead, or before to the car, and proceed to a quicky all under a few minutes, go back to the engagement, like nothing have happened, and pretend business as usual. it happens all the time everywhere in this world. Now, a couple of hours not accounted for? anything is game for speculations.


Speculating?
Aye!

Especially, on TAM, and bored stiff. All, awaiting the storm outside to pass an icy kidney stone.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Speculating?


Hardly, that's a fact.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> Hardly, that's a fact.


What you know, some suspect.
I reckon!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

If there was a hookup, it would very likely have been a coworker who she had a flirty friendship with. Party with a permissive vibe, out of the country without husband, which lends itself to a this is my one chance be “bad”, then you add lots of liquor to enable her to play the I don’t remember card along with I didn’t mean for it to happen cards and you end up with a 4 hour off the grid window that DEFINITELY is enough time for a thorough relaxed hook up, especially if she was already tipsy when she left. “ Hey, let’s go to xyz for short while”. Once out, you know how these things escalate, especially under the circumstances of the night.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> What you know, some suspect.
> I reckon!


Just to be clear, I'm not making any assumptions or imputing anything on OP's wife. My point was a general statement to illustrate when cheaters want to cheat, they will find a way...quickly, in the middle of all eyes present.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Merry Christmas all Ye cheatin' Ladies, and Dudes!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Teacherwifemom said:


> He IS livid about that. He’s said it several times.


Up until this post you quoted, his primary concern was if she cheated.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Up until this post you quoted, his primary concern was if she cheated.


A combo platter, apparently. He has a bad person on his hands. One verified affair already and now this. Probably knows the tip of the iceberg.


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## teton176 (23 d ago)

Gents, thanks for your feedback. After the incident she wrote me a detailed, heartfelt email about how she knew she had screwed up badly, put our son in emotional and physical danger, promised not to do it again etc. Do I believe this 100%? No. She violated a marital vow of "forsaking all others" so she has the documented ability to do that again. And then we take into account that she left our son alone in a hotel room in a foreign city for 8.5 hours with no contact or even thought of contacting him. Women will say anything a guy wants to hear. I was an insurance fraud investigator for several years and my work put three people behind bars. There was a tenet we were taught which is "trust your gut". If something feels off, it probably is. I have inquiries out to some cutting-edge polygraph companies and have drafted ruthless questions about her past and recent behavior. Supposedly polygraph examiners will only ask a few questions on infidelity etc because lengthy interrogations can distort results. OK, I'm not a polygraph expert. But they will have excruciatingly accurate questions to ask about who, what when and where and the choice of what they ask is up to them. Suffice to say I made it clear that the marital union is in jeopardy and that since trust has been broken previously it will not be blindly afforded now. At the very least, complete sobriety on her part will be part of the solution. I gave up booze and now she has to as well.


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## QuestionAssumptions (2 mo ago)

teton176 said:


> I have inquiries out to some cutting-edge polygraph companies and have drafted ruthless questions about her past and recent behavior. Supposedly polygraph examiners will only ask a few questions on infidelity etc because lengthy interrogations can distort results. OK, I'm not a polygraph expert. But they will have excruciatingly accurate questions to ask about who, what when and where and the choice of what they ask is up to them.


You may want to have at least one question be a blanket question about physical cheating at any time while you believe you've been committed to each other.

Also, as I originally mentioned, her reaction to being asked to take a polygraph test may tell you a great deal.

Also, if she does agree to take a polygraph test, make sure she doesn't try to evade it -- tacks in shoes, drugs, etc. and check for her doing searches on ways to evade polygraphs.



teton176 said:


> At the very least, complete sobriety on her part will be part of the solution. I gave up booze and now she has to as well.


The physical component of a lot of infidelity stories starts out with a few drinks.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

teton176 said:


> Gents, thanks for your feedback. After the incident she wrote me a detailed, heartfelt email about how she knew she had screwed up badly, put our son in emotional and physical danger, promised not to do it again etc. Do I believe this 100%? No. She violated a marital vow of "forsaking all others" so she has the documented ability to do that again. And then we take into account that she left our son alone in a hotel room in a foreign city for 8.5 hours with no contact or even thought of contacting him. Women will say anything a guy wants to hear. I was an insurance fraud investigator for several years and my work put three people behind bars. There was a tenet we were taught which is "trust your gut". If something feels off, it probably is. I have inquiries out to some cutting-edge polygraph companies and have drafted ruthless questions about her past and recent behavior. Supposedly polygraph examiners will only ask a few questions on infidelity etc because lengthy interrogations can distort results. OK, I'm not a polygraph expert. But they will have excruciatingly accurate questions to ask about who, what when and where and the choice of what they ask is up to them. Suffice to say I made it clear that the marital union is in jeopardy and that since trust has been broken previously it will not be blindly afforded now. At the very least, complete sobriety on her part will be part of the solution. I gave up booze and now she has to as well.


OP, I think you are on the right track with the polygraph, glad you are going to do that. Did you ask her to give you a written accounting of everything she did that night? Don't let her say she can't remember, tell her to write what she does remember... Also, if I was in your shoes I would be ignoring her while she finishes the trip, you can wait to talk with her (and let her know about the polygraph, and other changes you will demand) when she gets home.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

teton176 said:


> I have inquiries out to some cutting-edge polygraph companies and have drafted ruthless questions about her past and recent behavior.


Since polygraph stuff is junk pseudoscience, that doesn't work. If you want to go down that route to no end, why don't you find some psychic to read tea leaves for you instead. Which might save you some money on a result, that is as bogus as the other.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

_*teton176*_

_*" At the very least, complete sobriety on her part will be part of the solution. I gave up booze and now she has to as well."

In Vino Veritas*_

My thinking is the proclivity to do as your wife has was always present. The Ethanol just lowered her inhibitions (aka lack of Integrity) enough to she proceeded to "mis-behave."

I am a "functional alcoholic" and dipping my wick is just not on my list when enjoying the products of fermented grain distillation or fermentation. So, even sober, my judgement might be impaired by the opinion of some people.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

She violated a marital vow of "forsaking all others" 

How do you know this happened 😳 ?

Did she admit to a ONS ? or just admitted to getting drunk 

Did she admit to anything inappropriate ?

Sounds like you suspect with out any proof


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Hi, so sorry you are in this position.

Firstly, I would get your son back home as soon as possible so that she doesn’t stay in Australia with him. If she thinks she is being dumped, what is her incentive to return, particularly when her family is in Australia? You are right to be angry but contain that anger until your son gets home.

I am afraid I do not agree with any timeline that says she did not have time to cheat. There was plenty of time for a drunken sexual encounter. A polygraph would be, for me, the first step. The second step for me would be total exposure of her child abandonment. I would also document this with a lawyer for any potential child custody battle.

Will you expose this to her employer?

What are you going to do if did cheat for the SECOND time? You have an opportunity to get your financials and other things in a row so I wouldn’t waste it.

What are the consequences for her if there was no cheating? Are you still prepared to stay married to her?

For me, there would be no more trips to Australia without you, reinforced by her surrendering her passport to you to reinforce the seriousness of the situation. She leaves you alone over the Christmas period and does this to you - contemptible behaviour..

There would also be no more girls nights out, solo travel for work or pleasure, full transparency on phones etc and ABSOLUTELY NO MORE ALCOHOL, EVER.

I have a feeling that, despite any remorse she may show, that this has damaged your marriage beyond repair, if not right now then certainly in the longer term. 

Time to get the poly done and lawyer up, especially to block any potential move to take your son away.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

teton176 said:


> "trust your gut". If something feels off, it probably is.


THINK IT IS TIME TO TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE 
I base this not on if she had sex once or if she is the street bike ,
the thing here is your wife has given you reason not to trust her ,
it makes little difference if she had the time to have sex in the time frame or not knowing so many things can happen fast and so many things can go wrong as well ,
the fact she left him 14 year old alone without contacting and drank too much is not good 

but I am not here to talk to her unless you can get her to post all so I will talk to you 
take your own advice you know you have reason and even if you don't there is no point in holding on to a marriage for name only start thinking why your in this relationship if your don't trust her and love has been damaged for a long time ,


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

teton176 said:


> Gents, thanks for your feedback. After the incident she wrote me a detailed, heartfelt email about how she knew she had screwed up badly, put our son in emotional and physical danger, promised not to do it again etc. Do I believe this 100%? No. She violated a marital vow of "forsaking all others" so she has the documented ability to do that again. And then we take into account that she left our son alone in a hotel room in a foreign city for 8.5 hours with no contact or even thought of contacting him. Women will say anything a guy wants to hear. I was an insurance fraud investigator for several years and my work put three people behind bars. There was a tenet we were taught which is "trust your gut". If something feels off, it probably is. I have inquiries out to some cutting-edge polygraph companies and have drafted ruthless questions about her past and recent behavior. Supposedly polygraph examiners will only ask a few questions on infidelity etc because lengthy interrogations can distort results. OK, I'm not a polygraph expert. But they will have excruciatingly accurate questions to ask about who, what when and where and the choice of what they ask is up to them. Suffice to say I made it clear that the marital union is in jeopardy and that since trust has been broken previously it will not be blindly afforded now. At the very least, complete sobriety on her part will be part of the solution. I gave up booze and now she has to as well.


A decent poly examiner will ask no more than 5, usually 3 questions. When the number of questions gets above that, the less accurate it subsequent reading if answers become.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

QuestionAssumptions said:


> You may want to have at least one question be a blanket question about physical cheating at any time while you believe you've been committed to each other.
> 
> Also, as I originally mentioned, her reaction to being asked to take a polygraph test may tell you a great deal.
> 
> Also, if she does agree to take a polygraph test, make sure she doesn't try to evade it -- tacks in shoes, drugs, etc. and check for her doing searches on ways to evade polygraphs.


Drugs that could mess with reading poly...inconclusive results...BP meds, Xanax, valium, meth, cocaine, weed. Anything that changes heart rate, blood pressure or mental stress reactions. 

Our poly examiner used to come to us and tell us the parolee has taken something to skew the exam as the polygrapher could see the reading was not what it should be. 

We would drug test the parolee and sure enough. They took something, then admitted to attempting to mess up the poly because they had committed a new offense/violation of conditions of release.


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## QuestionAssumptions (2 mo ago)

teton176 said:


> I have inquiries out to some cutting-edge polygraph companies and have drafted ruthless questions about her past and recent behavior. Supposedly polygraph examiners will only ask a few questions on infidelity etc because lengthy interrogations can distort results. OK, I'm not a polygraph expert. But they will have excruciatingly accurate questions to ask about who, what when and where and the choice of what they ask is up to them. Suffice to say I made it clear that the marital union is in jeopardy and that since trust has been broken previously it will not be blindly afforded now. At the very least, complete sobriety on her part will be part of the solution. I gave up booze and now she has to as well.


Do you have any updates on how things are going? Did you find out anything more about what happened?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

manfromlamancha said:


> Very accurate though!


Not the ones I know.


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