# how do i get thru this?



## Stacie67 (Jun 1, 2008)

ok. this is all new for me. I have always been a private person and don't really talk about my problems. but this one is too big for me to handle myself. Last week, Sunday of memorial day weekend, my husband of 7 years sent me an email telling me that "we were not happy together" and that we should not go on the way we are. I'm not saying that things have been perfect, but i didn't see this coming at all!! 

Fast forward a week and we have not talked about what is wrong, what we want to do, how we are feeling, nothing. i took the week off from work to try to work things out and he took my being home as the perfect opportunity to take some overtime. 

We have a total of 6 children. i have two from a previous marriage, we have 2 together and we adopted 2 through our state's foster care program. the kids have no idea there is any kind of problem because he hasn't been home and i hide things well.

but the truth is, I am ready to fall apart. i have been trying to deal with what he said but i have the kids to think about. I have to put on a brave face all day long and have no time to process anything.. Honestly, all i want to do is break down. 

i look back and see how things have changed and realistically i know that things aren't going to get better. but then my heart gets in the middle of things and i don't want to give up. he has given me no false hopes. he stopped telling me he loves me 5 days ago. he doesn't ask how i am anymore. and yet, i still delue myself into thinking that maybe we can work things out.

what is wrong with me? am i just that stupid? how do we just give up on 7 years of marriage? it seems to easy for him. but it's just not for me. i want to work things out. how do i get through this without it completely messing up my kids..

someone please help!!! i'm so confused


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Love is a tough thing to let go of. You are not to blame as you didn't chose any of this. You need him to tell you where you stand and if there are things that can be fixed.

draconis


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Stacie67 said:


> i look back and see how things have changed and realistically i know that things aren't going to get better. but then my heart gets in the middle of things and i don't want to give up.


I'm not sure what you are meaning here, but if you are saying there have been changes over the months/years in your marriage that you now see, maybe sending a message back to him (if it's the only way you are able to communicate) saying what you've realized and why you are not ready to just give up without putting in any effort to work on the issues.


Stacie67 said:


> how do we just give up on 7 years of marriage? it seems to easy for him. but it's just not for me.


He probably didn't just wake up a few days ago and decide he wants out. I would guess he's been having these thoughts for some time and believes whatever issues he is having within the marriage will not change. If this is the case, it's unfortunate that he did not speak with you sooner, or if he has that you did not see how serious he was to respond to him. If he has given you no reasons for him wanting to leave, take it upon yourself look at the signs, discussions from the past where he may have communicated being unhappy. If you can figure that out, decide whether they are things that you seriously want to change & let him know. It may be too little too late for him, but it also may give him hope that things can change.


----------



## Green-Moo (Feb 5, 2008)

You have to remember that your husband has had allot longer to think about this. The two of you really must get together to talk this through, and soon.


----------

