# Dreading Happy Hump Day



## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Well, after a few years of little or no sex, we finally settled on sex on Wednesdays. 

Last week he suggested we have cam sex online. Well, it was 'ok' but nothing I would do again. 

We used to be 'sexy' with each other all the time. The hunger was there for both of us. A few months ago he agreed to have sex with me 2-3x a week. But that never materialized. Some weeks we would have it 2x, most none. So now we are agreeing to have it on Wed. 

Sigh. 

But it's now a chore. No flirting during the week anymore. No foreplay. No nothing. Just what he wants, when he wants it. If I ask for something, he sees it as criticizing his sexual technique and shuts down. If I suggest a sex game, he agrees but it's half hearted at best and so clinical. 

I miss the romance. I miss the flirting. I miss the play! I've tried to tell him this, but again, he will just shut down and we won't have it at ALL if I say anything. 

Everything is so clinical now and planned out. Monday is "my choice" Tues and Thurs are us working on marriage fitness book. Wed is 'hump day' Friday is "his choice" and saturday is date night. Sunday is recap and games. It was suggested we do this because nothing was 'getting done' and we would only watch his movies at night if left to 'winging it' as he puts it. 

Monday, My choice - I spent the early am (4-6am) in the attic, garage getting christmas lights together and strung up in our 80ft oak tree. We have a nice little treehouse up there for the kids. I brought up blankets, his favorite wine and his favorite music on the iPod. He said he was working late, but agreed to go with me for the 'surprise'. We sat facing each other (kind of) and drank the wine and listened to the music. When his favorite music came on, I lit the christmas lights!! 

It was really beautiful. He looked up, surprised. Then he said "A+ for effort"  

We drank the wine and after a while he said he wanted to go inside. Then he asked if it was ok for him to go to bed. I said sure. 

It's like no matter what I do, nothing affects him anymore. Now all I have to look forward to is 'happy hump day' on Wed. 

If i dress naughty sexy for him, he laughs at me and asks me if we are going to a strip club. If i dress conservative sexy - low cut blouse but nice, he says i have 'nice tits' but that's it. If I dress any other way, he just ignores me. 

It's like he's totally turned off towards me. Now faced with the 'reality' of having sex with this guy once a week, I don't want to!

Going thru the motions to give him yet another orgasm is SOOO not what I want. I think I'd rather go without than have bad sex.

What on earth am I supposed to do on Wed? Tell him no thank you? Do the sex thing and make it quick so I can go for a walk and get my anger out? I just don't know what to do. I feel bad turning him down since I made such a fuss about 'not enough sex' before.


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## wastingtime (Mar 29, 2009)

Sure sounds to me like you have a shmuck for a H. I wouldn't tollerate that from anyone. He is being simply "RUDE". You are a person with feelings and need to be treated as such. Scheduling sex is not what it's all about. Even today in our counseling my H and I were told to "schedule" time together. What a crock!!! I'm into spontinaity and love. If that isn't there - why bother? My husband is not an initiator (we're working that issue) but he will try and he is good in bed. When we do make love it's definitely worth the time and effort. He's lacking sometimes, but if I mention it to him he gets the message. How well do communicate with your H? Does he listen to you? Do the 2 of you ever go out on a date? Even if you are married you still should date one another. It doesn't have to be anything special or costly, just go to a movie so you have something to discuss afterwards. Go bowling! Have a picnic. I think the treehouse thing was very imaginitive. I not only give you an A+ for effort but that could have been a real night to remember if he put even a C- in on his part of the effort to show his appreciation. Get counseling together if possible. If not try going for yourself so you can learn how to deal with all this abuse. YES, what that is is abuse. He is belittling you and treating you like dirt. Tell him if he doesn't stop it and start treating you with some respect you are out of there. You don't let others treat you like that (do you?) so why should you let him get away with it??? Stand up for yourself and demand to be treated like a human being that has feelings and desires and need to feel wanted. If you don't communicate it to him in no uncertain terms he won't get any hints or clues. Guys don't get subtle hints or clues, they need to be hit over the head directly with what you want. They don't read minds either. If you want something - tell him. Be very straight forward. Nothing like the truth to set you free!


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## MMA_FIGHTER (Feb 2, 2009)

wow....i would have been all over you...i dont think i would have been able to control myself if my wife ever did that....i would do it in the treehouse...im not wasting my time going back to the bedroom. but im also not very conservative when it comes to sex either...ill do my wife anywhere, except the beach...its over rated and you usually get sand in the gears......like i said before....i just dont understand my own gender sometimes. why in the hell would he pass that up....be glad i wasnt there...id show him exactly what he should have been doing* ill make him blush......lol


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Well we didn't have sex on Wed. He was home late and said he was too tired. Then he proceeded to play with the kids till midnight, all happy and wrestling (and so energetic) with them and such. .. Grrrr. Yet another put down.

It finally came to a head on Monday. After being complimented by several people on how good I looked, he totally ignored me. Even had one of our friends tell him "you should attack that woman!" he just shrugged. OUCH. 

Comes to find out he's simply decided not to be interested in me any more. He was only 'doing' sex because it was something I wanted, not something he wants. He says he doesn't know why. He has apparently been telling the children behind my back that I'm a lousy mother (yeah right) and lousy person, that he will never actually marry me and that he only likes me as a friend. He told them he wanted to move out and he was looking for an atty to take the baby away from me so he could take him when he leaves (over my dead body) 

I finally asked him what he wanted from us, what he wanted from our relationship. He said he couldn't give me what I wanted. I asked him what that meant. When confronted, he didn't want to tell me. He said he was afraid I would be mad at him if I knew the truth and hate him. 

I didn't EVEN go into all the stuff he's been telling the kids about me. He never even says anything nice about me to them. They said he used to say I was pretty and the girl for him and all that normal stuff, but to them he hasn't in YEARS. grrrrr.

To lead me on like this for three years? To move in to MY house and have a baby with me knowing he didn't love me? To propose marriage and not MEAN it and have no intention of following thru? To tell me he loved me all this time and not MEAN it? Yeah, I was mad. 

I told him I thought it was a pretty lousy way to treat someone. He tried to blame it all on me, saying it was my fault he treated me like that. I asked him what he meant by that, and he just said "you know" rather lame argument if you ask me. 

He called me several choice names and slammed out to the living room to sleep on the couch. In the morning he never said a word to me, just hugged the kids and slammed out the door. 

He came home late yesterday, again ignoring me and talking only to the children. I'm so used to being in the 'wife' role I actually asked him if he wanted me to get him dinner (no) how his day was (fine) etc. I said, "it seems like you don't want to talk, I'll leave you alone" and he said "I didn't say that" 
"So do you want to talk?"
"I don't care"
Argh. What BS.
Then he complained that I wasn't "nice enough" to talk to, whatever that means. I tried to be nice. He shut me off. 
Later he asked me where I wanted him to sleep (what a loaded question!)
I said I didn't know.
He ALWAYS answers me with "I don't care, do whatever you want"
So... being the beetch he told me i was  I said the same thing back to him. He went to sleep on the couch again. 
This morning, he was cold to me again.

I don't know what to do from here. But I'm sick of being treated like dirt, and in light of the info I got, I'm not in the mood to play nice.

I'm trying to think of a way tonight when he asks where he should sleep, if he does, to get across that I'm not going to sleep with a liar, and a man who doesn't love me and a man who has led me on like this for years.


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## wastingtime (Mar 29, 2009)

snix11 - if after 3 yrs you haven't gotten married it's time to kick his sorry butt out!!! don't take that from anyone. Respect yourself and your kids and get the bum out of there. He is corrupting the kids minds. You deserve better than that. Don't settle for someone who treats you that way. You can make it on your own. He'll have to pay child support for a kid that he's fathered. Don't let him get any custody though unless you want him in your life more than once every 2 weeks. 

I don't have kids with my husband now but 2 from a prev marriage. I don't get hardly any sex at all either, but we are working on counseling now. So, I'll try to work it out but he has to change and compromise some or I'm out there. He's got to know that I'm not going to be married to someone who is satisfied with once or twice a month at best. That won't cut it in my world. Also, he knows he has to treat me with respect. If he doesn't I would call him on it IMMEDIATELY even in front of others. I don't take any s**t from anyone.

be good to yourself and your kids and find someone who is a good role model for them and treats you with respect!!!!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

"I'm trying to think of a way tonight when he asks where he should sleep, if he does, to get across that I'm not going to sleep with a liar, and a man who doesn't love me and a man who has led me on like this for years."

Don't "try" to get something across. Be direct and stop being the doormat. Say exactly what you said here...

"I am not going to sleep with a liar, a man who doesn't love me, or a man who has led me on for years....so get cozy on the couch 'cuz your day in *MY* house are about over!"


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## wastingtime (Mar 29, 2009)

VERY well said!!!:smthumbup:


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Mrs Stacy... LOL! that's very forward, but not really me. Prolly is closer to the '*****' me than anything else. 

While I don't mind saying that he cannot share my bed, my life and my house if he's not willing to be committed, I wouldn't sleep well calling him a liar or telling him he led me on for years. 

the last part I can see myself saying tho


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Unfortunately, according to your other post, you didn't say anything. He slept in your bed, and it upset you so much YOU DIDN'T! 

Ok, so you don't have to call him a liar. Keeping it civil is usually a good idea, but you really need to draw a line in the sand somewhere. You have no boundaries with this man and he is perfectly content to walk all over you. 

Personally, I would have hit my limit a long time ago if I were in your shoes. I just hope your limit comes very soon.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

he's acting SOOO weird. I think he might have read my journal, but how he's reacting to it is freaking me out. 

I ignored him for several days. he didn't show any outward reaction, but it seemed to bother him because of how he acted later. 

Yesterday, while we were out at his friends house, he mentioned that my shirt made my tits look great. No big deal? It is if he hadn't given me a sexual sounding compliment in over TWO YEARS. Why then? he mentioned it several times. Not in an 'i want you way' tho. never tried to touch them, but did throw his lighter into my cleavage later that evening after he had a few beers. 

I have stopped initiating ANYTHING at all. no hugs, no smiles, no compliments, no dinner no nothing. i have to stop myself from picking up special things for him at the store. didn't fill up his car when i used it, etc. 

this morning he left to see his mother. on his way out he kissed me briefly on the lips. a peck on the cheek kind of kiss. i just looked at him, didn't say anything. he said 'there, that hardly hurt at all, did it?"

what is WITH him??? I don't get it.


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## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

Take it from someone who has finally figured this out. He is "reaching out" to you (no matter how lamely) because he sees that you are showing signs of stepping away from him.

He wants you to be with him even though he doesn't really appear to want you. He doesn't want to face the unknown. He will continue this dance as long as you let him.

My H has done the same with me for 15 years. A year and a half ago I told him I wanted out. He asked for a second chance and then did nothing with it. The beginning of this year I told him, again, it was over. He again asked for another chance and then did nothing. He claimed that he wasn't making any moves because he felt they were unwanted. Told me that it took him so long to come around because he had to decide if it was worth it. Now suddenly I am the love of his life and all he can think about (though he doesn't act that way). Guess why, thats right, I told him I couldn't continue to do this. Now I am sticking to my guns. I am ending this relationship once and for all.

Sorry, not trying to hijack your thread, just wanted to give you an example that to me seems to at least somewhat parallel yours. 

IMO you have to decide what you want, do it, and stick to it. The sooner you put and end to his games the better off everyone will be.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

I hear ya. 

Last night we had 'ho hum' sex, but the cuddling afterwards was heavenly. 

I can FIX bad sex, I can't fix the closeness, he has to put forth an effort.


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