# ipads, sexts and semi-nude photos. oh my.



## anthonyr (Jun 26, 2021)

Good morning! I'm completely new to the forum and wasn't certain where to post, so please bear with me. Nice to meet you.

My wife of three years has told me several times recently that she hasn't wanted sex with me in years - right after getting married and pregnant. It really hurt. When I inquired "why," she responded, "do you blame me?" I'm not sure what that means; however . . . ouch.

Something didn't seem right. I had a feeling that something was going on, so I opened her iPad. I know it wasn't right! One of her friends was talking about performing oral sex on her. I confronted her and she accused me of being insecure. That's just how they talk and joke? Since, she has locked her iPad messages.

I also discovered that her guy-friend has semi-nude photos of them together, taken when we were involved - not married. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her. She's touching his penis. I asked for the photos to be deleted. She continues her friendship with this man - her best friend's husband. I guess her friend snapped the pictures. I'm progressive; however, this seems dysfunctional to me. She's taking a trip to their lakeside house in July with our daughter. I refuse to go.

Recently, I discovered that she has taken thousands and thousands from our savings account and transfered to her personal account. I inquired why and why she's up at midnight - one o'clock, messaging someone, calmly. She became angry - started shouting, throwing items around and accusing me of cheating. Since, if I even touch my phone around her, she insists that I'm cheating. I can't even message my supervisor without being asked, "what's going on with you and her?"

We don't talk much these days - mostly about what's for dinner and our daughter. We rarely have sex. We don't argue, anymore - I just sit and take it, when she quietly berates how much I make, etc. I feel nervous around her and mostly invisible. Fathers Day weekend, she threatened to go to a social worker to talk about me because I'm not normal.

Anyway, that's a start to my story.

Thank you for reading / listening and any thoughts.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I know you have a small child but you’ve only been married three years. I think it’s time to cut bait and run. Your wife hit the trifecta: cheating, lying and stealing. Add on the no sex, why would you stay?


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

anthonyr said:


> Good morning! I'm completely new to the forum and wasn't certain where to post, so please bear with me. Nice to meet you.
> 
> My wife of three years has told me several times recently that she hasn't wanted sex with me in years - right after getting married and pregnant. It really hurt. When I inquired "why," she responded, "do you blame me?" I'm not sure what that means; however . . . ouch.
> 
> ...


Sorry you are dealing with a wife who is lying to you and abusing you and probably cheating on you. Why aren't you asking for accountability? Aren't there boundaries set between you two? She doesn't seem to hold herself accountable to anything, withdraws money from a joint savings account without consulting with you and without telling you why she transfers this money to her personal account, etc. Why are you accepting this? By turning the table on you, she is gaslighting you and by snapping and throwing things around, she is bullying and abusing you so that she keeps you under control. But, why are you accepting this from her? You'd rather divorce and preserve your self-respect. She is not a good role model for your daughter, and she is not modeling a healthy relationship to your daughter either. Better file for divorce.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I think you let it go on way to long , i know from experience many others here will be telling you to get a dna test of your child , i am sorry you are going through this and you need to think now about what is the best for the kid and you


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Do you have a question?

You know you need to get divorced as soon as possible, right?

Like, see an attorney next week.


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## anthonyr (Jun 26, 2021)

Hi. The oral sex talk came from her bisexual female best friend. My wife is either bisexual or bi-curious - the type of girl that used to get wasted and make out with another girl at the bar. During the messages, she giggled. Her friend was talking about . . . sitting on her face, etc. You get the picture. She apparently thinks this is fine. She insists the semi-nude photos were taken before we were officially official. This is from the same couple. I'm weak, to be honest. Worn out.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

anthonyr said:


> Hi. The oral sex talk came from her bisexual female best friend. My wife is either bisexual or bi-curious - the type of girl that used to get wasted and make out with another girl at the bar. During the messages, she giggled. Her friend was talking about . . . sitting on her face, etc. You get the picture. She apparently thinks this is fine. She insists the semi-nude photos were taken before we were officially official. This is from the same couple. I'm weak, to be honest. Worn out.


My man, did you vet this woman at all before you got married? She must have had a ton of red flags. I don’t know how old you are, but this behavior will only get worse over time. Is this how you want to spend the next 20-30 years?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You are your biggest problem. Why do you accept the unacceptable? Why do you allow yourself to be disrespected.

Under the circumstances I’d DNA the child. Good chance it’s not yours.

download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. It’s a freed pdf and short.

Advice will do nothing for you if you don’t apply. Are you a talker or doer?


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

anthonyr said:


> Hi. The oral sex talk came from her bisexual female best friend. My wife is either bisexual or bi-curious - the type of girl that used to get wasted and make out with another girl at the bar. During the messages, she giggled. Her friend was talking about . . . sitting on her face, etc. You get the picture. She apparently thinks this is fine. She insists the semi-nude photos were taken before we were officially official. This is from the same couple. I'm weak, to be honest. Worn out.


What *KEEPS* you there?!?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

anthonyr said:


> I also discovered that her guy-friend has semi-nude photos of them together, taken when we were involved - not married. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her. She's touching his penis. I asked for the photos to be deleted. She continues her friendship with this man - her best friend's husband. I guess her friend snapped the pictures. I'm progressive; however, this seems dysfunctional to me. She's taking a trip to their lakeside house in July with our daughter. I refuse to go.





anthonyr said:


> The oral sex talk came from her bisexual female best friend.





anthonyr said:


> Recently, I discovered that she has taken thousands and thousands from our savings account and transfered to her personal account.


So, basically, your wife is screwing her friend and her friends husband while stealing money from you and you're just peachy? I mean, if you actually took action like a sentient being with something resembling a spine she might...what? Yell at you? Who cares? Leave you? Good! Her leaving is the best outcome for you! 

What the hell are you so scared of you'll let her literally steal your money while banging other people? Do you have no pride? No self respect? No righteous anger?


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

anthonyr said:


> I feel nervous around her and mostly invisible.


Sorry, but you need to stop this and stand up for yourself. Don't let her throw a tantrum and turn things around on you. Find out where the money is going too. Why isn't this trip out of the question with those 2 involved, especially if she is planning to take your child along?



anthonyr said:


> Fathers Day weekend, she threatened to go to a social worker to talk about me because I'm not normal.


This is dangerous territory. Get out now. Record every interaction with her, before she cries abuse.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Dude EJECT! She is cheating! Accusing you of cheating when she is, is in the cheater handbook pg 1. 

The kid may very well be the friends hubby's kid. What is yalls eye and hair color, blood type? Certain blood types can not have children of certain blood types. Is the child different? 
Recessive traits.....
A couple with red hair will have children with red hair, couple with blue eyes will only have children with blue eyes.
The above is biology 101 barring a rare genetic mutation during gene combination at fertalization. If child above does not have red hair or blue eyes, a DNA test is highly recommended.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

your wife is making you a cuckold she had to stuff it in you face to kick you into acting


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Strength, sometimes comes, is derived from some other's words.

Get out, save yourself, save your self-worth from this self-made embarrassment of a wife, of a human.

She is flawed and mean-spirited beyond repair, you are not.

You have our collective permission to divorce her.

There......it is said, now do it! 


_Nemesis-_


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

anthonyr said:


> Good morning! I'm completely new to the forum and wasn't certain where to post, so please bear with me. Nice to meet you.
> 
> My wife of three years has told me several times recently that she hasn't wanted sex with me in years - right after getting married and pregnant. It really hurt. When I inquired "why," she responded, "do you blame me?" I'm not sure what that means; however . . . ouch.
> 
> ...


You do realise you are being used as a doormat?
This is the thing. Unless you see what is happening around you and you take action this going to keep happening.
From what I have seen alot of people in your situation come to forums, Reddit etc and when the advice doesn't have that magical spell to turn your wife into a loyal wife, bring happiness to your life and validate the decision to stay with an abuser they just stop posting and disappear. Don't be like them.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

anthonyr said:


> Hi. The oral sex talk came from her bisexual female best friend. My wife is either bisexual or bi-curious - the type of girl that used to get wasted and make out with another girl at the bar. During the messages, she giggled. Her friend was talking about . . . sitting on her face, etc. You get the picture. She apparently thinks this is fine. She insists the semi-nude photos were taken before we were officially official. This is from the same couple. I'm weak, to be honest. Worn out.


Just because I would cut off my left toe to watch my wife 69 her girlfriends doesn’t mean I would put up with such a miserable existence and marriage as yours. You need a divorce..... BAD !!!


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Read the Unplugged Alpha by Richard Cooper, it's a quick read. Then hit up the Dr Glover book mentioned earlier and I'd add The Rational Male, books 1 and 2.

Bottom line, GTFO.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

My friend, run.
Be a good father for your kids.
And the earlier-as-possible Ex to her.
There is no replacement for dignity.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

anthonyr said:


> I'm weak, to be honest. Worn out.


And all that will get you is a possible heart attack. Your wife sounds like pond scum to me. Get her out of your life. "Weak" or not, you MUST realize this is no way to live. C'mon man ... dump her like radioactive waste and reclaim your life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@anthonyr Are there any red flags? Yes. Yes, there are.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You need to immediately create a separate account and transfer you salary and half the joint account she is planning to do something your marriage is in serious trouble and she is on her way out.


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## overrnbw (Jun 16, 2021)

Progressive, conservative, whatever the label this is not working out.
She is full of it. Lying, cheating… this is abuse. Paternity test (don’t tell her), divorce with action and no talking.
Her actions speak louder than any words could ever say. You have the classic wayward wife.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

This is a very bad situation. Your wife clearly and obviously has no respect for you as a husband or a man. She is not attracted to you, she does not want/desire you, and has open contempt for you.

You clearly have no power in this marriage. Whether it’s always been this way or weather she lost all respect for you over time doesn’t really matter at this point. Her behavior is absolutely inappropriate, unacceptable and out of control. Even if she hasn’t actually cheated on you (from what you describe she probably is/has), this kind of behavior and disrespect cannot be tolerated.

She thinks you’re a weak, pathetic piece of ****, and so far you’re proving her right by allowing this behavior. You have been passive and weak and you need to get strong right now. You have to immediately take control of the situation.
-See a lawyer and get your legal situation in order.
-Immediately move all accessible money into an account that only you control.
-Have divorce papers drawn up and ready to go.
-tell her your current marriage dynamic is unacceptable and it will not continue.
You will have access to her devices and vice versa. She will not have personal “friend” relationships with other men. She will no longer interact with the man in question, at all. None of the behavior you mention will be tolerated, at all.
If she doesn’t like it, she no longer gets to be your wife and you hand her the papers (at this point she has so little respect for you she’ll probably except the divorce rather than change her behavior, but it’s worth a shot).

and you better figure out how to make sure you’re strong enough to follow through.

Then you need to go do some work on yourself to figure out how you got in this position and avoid it next time.
Women respect strength and competence and leadership, and despise week, passive men. If a woman sees you as weak or passive or if she can walk all over you, she will have no respect for you and no attraction to you. Good luck


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

At the VERY least -- get ALL of your money out the accounts she has access to. She is robbing you blind, probably getting ready to leave the marriage and using YOUR money to pay for her lawyer!


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Go here: *DSO Fraternity.* You need to "surround" yourself with good men who have been in your shoes. This behavior from your wife is nothing short of sociopathic and it will literally drive you nuts if you stick around with her.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Time to divorce the hohoho.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I got a bit worried when she threatened to talk to a social worker about YOU not being normal.

So she’s threatening that you’re an unfit parent?

That’s the projection that I’m more concerned about, not the bit where she’s projecting her cheating on you 😉


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I think OP has left the building


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think OP has left the building


Sadly common when passive man are told to take control and actually DO something to improve their situation.


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

Honestly from my observation women are more willing to take action based on advice compared to men who only want to find the magical method of wifeing up their partner or to validate their decision to stay.


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## anthonyr (Jun 26, 2021)

Good morning.
Thank you for the advice, thoughts, etc.
A quick update - we had a lengthy argument / talk over the weekend. I knew that I had to try to stand up for myself, and she wanted to fight when I made a quick statement about her going on this multi-day getaway with her best friend and husband that she took semi-nude photos with. She apologized for the pictures and still insists that we weren't together yet, when they were snapped. We weren't in a relationship yet. She did say she regrets taking them due to the conflict it has caused. I told her the friendship with this man is finished. She wouldn't apologize for the "joke" her bisexual friend sent about sitting on her face. When I inquired about the savings account, she again reiterated that we already spoke about that. Her opinion is that I don't pull my weight, financially, so withdrew the funds to pay for various things, I guess. That was a lot of government stimulus, including mine. We have separate accounts and a joint savings. She says that she meant I'm not my "normal self" when she mentioned going to a social worker. She wants to talk more often and work on things. I did try to stand up for myself this weekend.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

anthonyr said:


> Good morning.
> Thank you for the advice, thoughts, etc.
> A quick update - we had a lengthy argument / talk over the weekend. I knew that I had to try to stand up for myself, and she wanted to fight when I made a quick statement about her going on this multi-day getaway with her best friend and husband that she took semi-nude photos with. She apologized for the pictures and still insists that we weren't together yet, when they were snapped. We weren't in a relationship yet. She did say she regrets taking them due to the conflict it has caused. I told her the friendship with this man is finished. She wouldn't apologize for the "joke" her bisexual friend sent about sitting on her face. When I inquired about the savings account, she again reiterated that we already spoke about that. Her opinion is that I don't pull my weight, financially, so withdrew the funds to pay for various things, I guess. That was a lot of government stimulus, including mine. We have separate accounts and a joint savings. She says that she meant I'm not my "normal self" when she mentioned going to a social worker. She wants to talk more often and work on things. I did try to stand up for myself this weekend.


Actions get results. Talking seldom works. Read up on the 180 and detach yourself until she figures herself out. Without honesty, you have nothing.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

About that multi-day getaway, yea, if I were in your shoes, and granted I'm armed with the superpower of hindsight, that wouldn't happen. Sometimes only a roar with teeth behind it gets any respect. Folding on this and not making it a hard line in the sand will loose you respect in your wife's eyes since she now knows your stance about these friends and she cannot love that which she is unable to respect.


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## tenjohn (Jun 13, 2021)

anthonyr said:


> Good morning! I'm completely new to the forum and wasn't certain where to post, so please bear with me. Nice to meet you.
> 
> My wife of three years has told me several times recently that she hasn't wanted sex with me in years - right after getting married and pregnant. It really hurt. When I inquired "why," she responded, "do you blame me?" I'm not sure what that means; however . . . ouch.
> 
> ...


She seems like bad news.
I'd question her hard if she really is interested in a marriage. 
And possibly ask for a divorce.
I don't think she respects you at all.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

there is no try there is i am standing up for yourself or there is no i did not stand up...you still allow here to write the narrative of this relationship...you want her to put it back or you will no longer give her any money that you make, tell her that you seriously rethinking this marriage.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

You have to start planning for a life divorced. She's poisoning your soul.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

anthonyr said:


> My wife of three years has told me several times recently that she hasn't wanted sex with me in years - right after getting married and pregnant. It really hurt. When I inquired "why," she responded, "do you blame me?" I'm not sure what that means; however . . . ouch.


What did she say about not wanting sex with you in years?



anthonyr said:


> ... and she wanted to fight when I made a quick statement about her going on this multi-day getaway with her best friend and husband that she took semi-nude photos with. She apologized for the pictures and still insists that we weren't together yet, when they were snapped. We weren't in a relationship yet.


You said you were together when they were taken, can't you verify this. Look at the date of the pictures and figure out if you were together or not.


Lastly, is she going on the trip with them or not?


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## anthonyr (Jun 26, 2021)

Good morning!

An update - She wanted to continue talking yesterday evening. She says she's tired / stressed from having a child and that's why she hasn't wanted sex in three years. I told her that I'm a good dad. I could understand not wanting it for a while. Telling me that she hasn't wanted it in years was hurtful.
I only viewed the photos one time and can't verify when they were taken. The couple's young daughter was using an iPad and streaming photos from her parents' phones. So, they have an abundance of semi-nudes of my wife. Her hair was shorter, so it's possible we weren't official. Initially, she told me not to be upset if / when I find more photos. Now, she's very apologetic. She still plans to go out of town with this couple and our daughter. She reiterated that she's all about the family and only did stupid things with this couple when she was drunk and younger - such as be intimate with her bisexual female friend. She also said she won't talk to anyone about me, etc. because she doesn't want people saying I'm a jerk (not that they would, of course).


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

anthonyr said:


> Good morning!
> 
> An update - She wanted to continue talking yesterday evening. She says she's tired / stressed from having a child and that's why she hasn't wanted sex in three years. I told her that I'm a good dad. I could understand not wanting it for a while. Telling me that she hasn't wanted it in years was hurtful.
> I only viewed the photos one time and can't verify when they were taken. The couple's young daughter was using an iPad and streaming photos from her parents' phones. So, they have an abundance of semi-nudes of my wife. Her hair was shorter, so it's possible we weren't official. Initially, she told me not to be upset if / when I find more photos. Now, she's very apologetic. She still plans to go out of town with this couple and our daughter. She reiterated that she's all about the family and only did stupid things with this couple when she was drunk and younger - such as be intimate with her bisexual female friend. She also said she won't talk to anyone about me, etc. because she doesn't want people saying I'm a jerk (not that they would, of course).


Are you okay with her being alone with a couple where she has admitted being intimate with the wife (I call BS and that the husband participated)? Are you okay with the disrespect now that she knows you are not comfortable with them and her and her insisting on still going?

Time to put on a pair of pants. She is not to go on that trip. There is much more to this than you know, there always is. Keep digging and don't be so weak as to allow her to spend alone time with lovers (past or most likely, still current).


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Time to put on a pair of pants. She is not to go on that trip.


Are you kidding me.. the pants are already being worn by the wife. And she's going to this trip. Do you think that men like the OP would have any balls to actually stand for himself?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

So, basically, you said some words, she said some words, you let her get away with continuing an affair with this "friend" couple, and nothing has changed.



anthonyr said:


> She says that she meant I'm not my "normal self" when she mentioned going to a social worker.


Translation: You almost showed something resembling a spine and she doesn't like it because, if you were to man the hell up, her affair and comfy lifestyle would end.



anthonyr said:


> She reiterated that she's all about the family and only did stupid things with this couple when she was drunk and younger - such as be intimate with her bisexual female friend.


Frankly, your wife is a liar and a tramp and you're too scared to do a damn thing about it.



anthonyr said:


> She also said she won't talk to anyone about me, etc. because she doesn't want people saying I'm a jerk (not that they would, of course).


Oh, I can guarantee she talks about you. She and her affair partners don't think you're a jerk, though. They think you're a joke.

Since you refuse to shine your spine I just hope that whatever she brings home can be cured with penicillin. Oh, wait. Never mind. You're not in danger of getting any STD she brings back because she's screwing everyone but you.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Anthony,

First off who is going to be looking after your young child while this threesome is having sex? You also seriously need to get DNA on your daughter.

...........you wrote...

*My wife of three years has told me several times recently that she hasn't wanted sex with me in years - right after getting married and pregnant. It really hurt. When I inquired "why," she responded, "do you blame me?" I'm not sure what that means; however . . . ouch.*

Frequently when a WW is actually in love with someone else, in this case a couple, they will start to hate their husband and see him as ugly, unattractive and sexless. Perhaps WW even feels that you are stupid due to the ease of secretly carrying on an affair without you knowing. I wouldn't doubt that this OM and OW are running you down in messages to your WW amplifying the contempt she has for you.

*One of her friends was talking about performing oral sex on her. I confronted her and she accused me of being insecure. That's just how they talk and joke? Since, she has locked her iPad messages. I also discovered that her guy-friend has semi-nude photos of them together, taken when we were involved - not married. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her. She's touching his penis. I asked for the photos to be deleted. She continues her friendship with this man - her best friend's husband. I guess her friend snapped the pictures. I'm progressive; however, this seems dysfunctional to me. She's taking a trip to their lakeside house in July with our daughter. I refuse to go.*

Given what you wrote I would have visited the couple in person and made it clear all communication is to end forever or else. It is a hard fact that ex sexual partners do not mix well in a marriage, not only is your WW disrespecting you but the OM and OW are as well. 

*Recently, I discovered that she has taken thousands and thousands from our savings account and transfered to her personal account. I inquired why and why she's up at midnight - one o'clock, messaging someone, calmly. She became angry - started shouting, throwing items around and accusing me of cheating. Since, if I even touch my phone around her, she insists that I'm cheating. I can't even message my supervisor without being asked, "what's going on with you and her?"*

Good God man, stealing too, or at least more dishonest, and the explosive response is common for cheaters too, the blaming the victim for their own crimes that's a cliche.

*We don't talk much these days - mostly about what's for dinner and our daughter. We rarely have sex. We don't argue, anymore - I just sit and take it, when she quietly berates how much I make, etc. I feel nervous around her and mostly invisible. Fathers Day weekend, she threatened to go to a social worker to talk about me because I'm not normal.*

Run you down so your ego is destroyed and you'll agree to anything, sounds like psychological torture, she knows shes not normal an is projecting onto you.

Can you live like this for another 10 20 or 30 years?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

anthonyr said:


> She also said she won't talk to anyone about me, etc. because she doesn't want people saying I'm a jerk (not that they would, of course).


In other words, you are completely wrong. If I tell my friends what is going on they will think you are a complete jerk. 

WTF!!! The other couple’s kid is seeing your wife and the other couple in sexual photos????

Time to call the police and tell them this.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Another question is this. Is the other couple and your wife going to be naked in front of your kid away on this trip or having sex in front of the kids. The other couple doesn’t seem to have a problem with this.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

This is a lost cause.


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