# How to talk to a difficult EX(wife)



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Hey gang. I am posting this here from the Life after Divorce Forum because I just realized this might be better suited here too.

My ex-wife has been very difficult this past month while she's had the kids during summer visitation.
Here's a few things:

1. Video chats with the kids- a few last minute changes or multiple flat out "forgetting" to have the kids chat with me during our scheduled court ordered chats.
2. Not responding/replying to questions about her BF's strict discipline with my kids.
3. Not responding to my suggestions to send CS payments that are falling behind.

1= The last 3 chats in a row I was left hanging. And this comes after an email communicating my frustrations that I feel the chats are not a priority to her. When the kids were with me, I would schedule plans AROUND the video chats with their mom. It's a pain in the arse, but it's in the decree and is only fair to the kids as well.
When she would miss getting the kids on to video chat, I would always respond in an email that I waited but there was no chat and would like to chat the following day. I don't get into it with her or how I feel about being cut-out right now because I already did in an email 4 weeks ago about how I felt this wasn't a priority to her. Her response was that it was, and she will do a better job about the scheduled chats. In reality, it's only gotten worse. It's funny that she complained about AFTER the discovery of her affair is that we don't communicate. She's turned into an utter hypocrite while I do my best to communicate. She doesn't reply to most of my emails. The bottom line is that her communication skills have earned an "F" in my opinion.
So what do I do? I feel like giving her an earful. But that also could show that I'm some desperate, emotional weakling. But I'm no longer playing the Mr. Nice Guy card either. So how the hell do I strategically tell her that this BS needs to stop and to be responsible? I'm just not good with words and tone sometimes. Should I document this? Will it do anything for me in court? So any help would be appreciated! Thanks!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I deal this type of issue *every day* on my job. You have already tried reasoning her and communicating your requests to her.

It's time to play hard ball. This is what you do:


Start documenting everything, like the lack of court ordered video chats, failure to pay child support, etc.
Get with your lawyer to get her charged with contempt of court, which is a failure to obey a court order
Go to your county Child Support Enforcement Department. They can start the process of garnishing her paycheck. She may even lose her drivers license for failure to pay child support. Contact the child support enforcement office to get the details.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Thanks LMayhem for your wisdom and knowledge on the matter. I am documenting it all.

UPDATE**
I just was sent a message from her this morning that went like this:
"Sorry, but the 3 video chats a week is just not working. We will have to revisit this."
Wow. So I bust my *** to get the kids online for scheduled video chats when they were with me. Schedule our plans AROUND the video sessions. And when it's her turn...suddenly it doesn't work? Yeah, it's an INCONVENIENCE for her. Responsibility? Zilch. And why should I be surprised? So now the questions is: how do I respond to this in regards to "revisiting it" which my guess from her is fewer chat times.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

I'd wouldn't say anything back to her. Document everything and have your attorney send the message.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I spoke with my kids by phone yesterday and at one point my EX tells my daughter to tell me that she is "sorry about yesterday's chat" and my daughter includes something wrong with mommy's car. I responded by saying "Oh. Ok". And then changed the subject with my daughter. Then I spoke with my son for a bit and then he says,"Here's mommy". She gets on the phone and again apologized for yesterday, blah, blah. I responded with," I appreciate being able to talk with the kids today" in a very neutral tone. And that's all I said on the subject. In the past I've been known to go on and on about the same damn thing. But this time I responded with one sentence. 
Then said I looked forward to chatting with them Sunday and ended the conversation.
Was I wrong to even speak with her? I wonder if what I said about the "appreciation" portrays me as weak-minded? I have these thoughts because I have read the article, No more Mr. Nice Guy. And looking back at my response, I wonder if I was once again being a "Mr. Nice Guy" or if I was just being civil?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> I spoke with my kids by phone yesterday and at one point my EX tells my daughter to tell me that she is "sorry about yesterday's chat" and my daughter includes something wrong with mommy's car. I responded by saying "Oh. Ok". And then changed the subject with my daughter. Then I spoke with my son for a bit and then he says,"Here's mommy". She gets on the phone and again apologized for yesterday, blah, blah. I responded with," I appreciate being able to talk with the kids today" in a very neutral tone. And that's all I said on the subject. In the past I've been known to go on and on about the same damn thing. But this time I responded with one sentence.
> Then said I looked forward to chatting with them Sunday and ended the conversation.
> Was I wrong to even speak with her? I wonder if what I said about the "appreciation" portrays me as weak-minded? I have these thoughts because I have read the article, No more Mr. Nice Guy. And looking back at my response, I wonder if I was once again being a "Mr. Nice Guy" or if I was just being civil?


I think your response was just fine. Had you tore her a new one, your kids would have been in the middle. Had you refused to talk to her, you look scared. It's what you do legally that determines if you're weak or not. Go after her as Lord Mayhem says. The rules are in place for your protection. Should she fail to follow them and you don't utilize the options at hand, you can have any agreement in the world and it won't help you. Play hardball my friend. It's not my nature either, I know the second-guessing and sick feeling, but trust me it passes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> I'd wouldn't say anything back to her. Document everything and have your attorney send the message.


:iagree:
Talk to your lawyer about what YOU want and need. The lawyer will tell you exactly what to do.


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## turtle05lj (Aug 13, 2012)

Also any convo you have with her needs to be dictated or written down. Both what you say and what she says. Documentation is KEY!! If it is written down it didn't happen.


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