# Did you ever.. ? Be honest



## IGSIMB

This is the forbidden question, did you ever had any regrets towards being a parent?

I am not yet a parent and I will not take it personally if someone tells me that I should stay child-free. 
Is it an easy choice for most people?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I never gave it much thought. So I guess then, no regrets. 

But sometimes I get this pit feeling in my stomach...this is when I think, what if I never had my kids? What if I had never advocated for them, and connected with them? It would have been so wrong, and dark, and awkward...whatever that parallel universe is. 

I didn't become a different person by becoming a parent. Instead I became even more like myself. I think if I never had kids I would have lost track of myself somehow? It's weird, my kids really do adore me in my imperfect natural state. Same as I adore them. 

But some people get that feeling from having pets, or a relationship with their siblings, cousins or parents, partner or best friend. And some people might get a different emotional experience altogether from having kids, or not. 

The weirdest thing about having kids is needing to prepare children for a world that doesn't even exist yet - the future - and explaining to them that they and other people will be responsible for shaping that world, and empowering them to do that, not to just "survive" or to "get by" or to "be happy." If you can't walk the walk, don't talk the talk kind of thing. 

It's complicated, but it's also immensely simple. That's probably why I never gave it much thought. I certainly don't remember ever agonizing about the decision. (All three plus the lost pregnancy were planned, and no unplanned pregnancies that I know of...)


----------



## Maneo

Never a regret and wished I could've had more than the 4 I've had so 5 is on the way.


----------



## MovingAhead

None of my kids are exactly like me. They all have their own personalities and likes and they all have their good and bad things. They all are perfect in their own little ways and I have never regretted any moment.

My two oldest are adopted. They are all my sons and I treat them all the same and different as they all have different personalities.


----------



## jld

I don't regret being a parent at all, but be ready to give away your life, at least for a while.

To be really controversial, if you do not feel like you are giving away your life, at least some of the time, you may not be doing it right.

I do remember at one point, when I had mostly young kids, just fantasizing about having my own apartment, with just the food I liked, regardless of healthfulness, and my own couch and TV with cable, to watch whatever I liked. The apartment had carpeting (we have a son with allergies, so carpet is not good) and it was quiet. Heaven.


----------



## PBear

Hmmm... I regret having my kids with my STBXW. Does that count? I don't regret the kids themselves, just the partner I had them with.

C


----------



## Married but Happy

I don't regret being a parent, but would have been as happy or happier if I had not been. And I knew I did not want a second child, so stopped at one.


----------



## 6301

When I was 37, I found out that my girlfriend was pregnant. We married and all I kept think about was, "Oh great, I'll be 38 and a brand new father. 

I wasn't mad because let's face it, she didn't get pregnant all by herself. I had a hand in it too, well not my hand but...........you know.

We married and one morning it was time and off we went to the hospital and a few hours later I had a baby daughter.

Very soon after she was born, the nurse put this pink and wrinkled little thing wrapped up in a blanket and cap in my arms and this little lady hit me like a ton of bricks. I never knew I could love anything or anyone as much as I loved her.

She is now 27 years old, married and happy and that little baby was the single greatest thing to ever happen to me. I was lucky that she grew up to be a beautiful, well mannered, intelligent adult and I have never been happier. 

So the answer is this happy little accident was not a mistake and I have no regrets.


----------



## Anon Pink

I never regretted becoming a parent, ever. I regret that I didn't have twins or triplets! I hated being pregnant, but love loved loved having my babies. Just cannot describe that all encompassing feeling. 

My oldest is now 27 and although I am still her mother, she is almost like a best friend. I love being with all my kids. 

Not for a second did I ever regret becoming a parent.


----------



## Anon Pink

jld said:


> I don't regret being a parent at all, but be ready to give away your life, at least for a while.
> 
> To be really controversial, if you do not feel like you are giving away your life, at least some of the time, you may not be doing it right.
> 
> I do remember at one point, when I had mostly young kids, just fantasizing about having my own apartment, with just the food I liked, regardless of healthfulness, and my own couch and TV with cable, to watch whatever I liked. The apartment had carpeting (we have a son with allergies, so carpet is not good) and it was quiet. Heaven.


When my kids were little, the other neighborhood moms and I would talk of getting an apartment just for us. Where we could watch TV shows without regard to little ears, things would stay where we put them, and we had white carpeting with a white sofa, we were only allowed to wear white silk when we were in the apartment. Ahhhh what a lovely fantasy it was...


----------



## Fozzy

I don't regret becoming a parent. I DO miss some of the parts of my former life, but I wouldn't trade them back.

And JLD--I've had the same fantasy.


----------



## richie33

I regret that we waited so long. I had way more energy in my early 30s than I do in my 40s.


----------



## Maricha75

No, I have not once regretted becoming a mom. We have three children and I wish we had been able to have a fourth, but circumstances did not allow for that. While I am very active in all they do, I don't see it as giving away any part of my life. This IS my life, the path I chose for my life, and I regret none of it.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

6301 said:


> *I was lucky* that she grew up to be a beautiful, well mannered, intelligent adult and I have never been happier.


The luck was in having a healthy child, the rest was LOVING, INVOLVED, THOUGHTFUL parenting! Great job by you and your S.O....and it shows!


----------



## john117

My younger looks like my mom - European with curly black hair and alabaster skin. She got my wife's brain for science and math. My older looks like my wife, Central Asian with a bit of Slavic, darker skin, and she got my social sciences brain and passion for art. 

Biggest rewards of my life, hands down. The first few years were boring, granted, but then I taught them Legos, Xbox, photography, and many other things. 

The older is super clingy in a good way - the younger a bit too independent but still ok. Nobody ever suspects they're sisters.


----------



## arbitrator

*Heavens, No! I'm so very thrilled to be a Dad! My biggest disappointment was not having a daughter in the mix, because I would have loved having the opportunity to watch her dates "sweat and squirm" in my presence whenever they came over to pick her up for a date! I would have literally eaten that pasttime up!

And although I don't think that I could have really managed more than my two sons, God so richly blessed me with the two who I needed, and for that I'll remain so extremely blessed and forever thankful for them!*


----------



## Maneo

So OP you've received a litany of no regret parents. There may be those out there who regret having a kid but they may shy away from admitting it. 
And there is regret and real regret. 
When I see couples with no kids who can do things I can't with kids I may have a brief moment of wishful " if only" thinking. But that quickly passes for the many rewards of having children. Maybe that us regret the same way I regret not being independently wealthy and having to work for a living. Or regretting having a dog when he wakes me at 3 am barking at shadows. Or regret that years of indulgent eating and not more exercise have put a few pounds on me. But those are all fleeting regrets that quickly pass. 
How sad for parent and child when the parent feels regret 24 x7.


----------



## MarthaMellow

Yes, I have regretted being a parent. Not when they where young, but only after age 23 or so. After being a parent for 30 years, I expected or hoped life would be different that it is right now. Then again, maybe I'm just overwhelmed still dealing with their issues I wish I didn't have to deal with. 

Yes I feel bad that I have those thoughts. Just being honest.


----------



## john117

arbitrator said:


> *My biggest disappointment was not having a daughter in the mix, because I would have loved having the opportunity to watch her dates "sweat and squirm" in my presence whenever they came over to pick her up for a date! I would have literally eaten that pasttime up!
> *



I have two daughters and so far only one suitor has passed the "lunch with Dad" test. My older dated him for 3 years...

I even half convinced him that our culture mandates carry out food for the parents when he takes her out to dinner :rofl: awesome kid.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

I used to regret having a child. Now I just regret when it happened instead of the fact that it happened. I don't regret that I can't have more.


----------



## arbitrator

john117 said:


> I have two daughters and so far only one suitor has passed the "lunch with Dad" test. My older dated him for 3 years...
> 
> I even half convinced him that our culture mandates carry out food for the parents when he takes her out to dinner :rofl: awesome kid.


*John: I absolutely love it! The thing right now is that I totally love my oldest son's girlfriend ~ she's a keeper!

And I've told that little knucklehead of mine that if I ever find out that he's mistreating her, his little ass is going to encounter a rather sudden and forced intersection with the steel toe end of a size 11 ranching boot!*


----------



## karole

I don't regret my daughter at all; however, if I could have shipped her to a boarding school for ages 13-15, I would have seriously considered it............................lol


----------



## John Lee

Regretting having a child for me would be like regretting having a left hand or something. My child is here, and I can't imagine her not being part of my life.

That said, sure, sometimes I miss the freedom. That's when I say "Hey sweetie, guess what, you're going to sleep over at grandma's tonight!"


----------



## Sun Catcher

Anon Pink said:


> When my kids were little, the other neighborhood moms and I would talk of getting an apartment just for us. Where we could watch TV shows without regard to little ears, things would stay where we put them, and we had white carpeting with a white sofa, we were only allowed to wear white silk when we were in the apartment. Ahhhh what a lovely fantasy it was...


Hahaha, I got that white sofa when my boys left home. Everyone asked "why"?!?! I said it was all I ever wanted (dreamed of) while the boys were growing up, then the grand kids came along and I would let them sit and climb all over it and not get the least bit upset. My son got upset, said "we were never allowed to do those things with our shoes on". Kids are wonderful, you will be dead tired for approx 18-20 years (I was a full time working mom) but it was all worth it. Then the grands come along and you don't give a rats arse if things are not perfect or slightly soiled.


----------



## Bellavista

I never regretted having them when they were younger. However, if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I may not have any.

I am just over dealing with the dramas of teens and 20-somethings. I dream of a house with no offspring in it. Selfish? Yeah probably, but that is the way it is.

We have five kids now aged 25-16 and four of them still live at home, the only one who is not home is the second son.


----------



## Maneo

Bellavista said:


> I never regretted having them when they were younger. However, if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I may not have any.
> 
> I am just over dealing with the dramas of teens and 20-somethings. I dream of a house with no offspring in it. Selfish? Yeah probably, but that is the way it is.
> 
> We have five kids now aged 25-16 and four of them still live at home, the only one who is not home is the second son.



Of course, it is hard to tell when in the thick of things, which it sounds like you are. But do you think " this phase too shall pass" and when the teen angst is over that you might feel differently? Just like we parents survived the terrible twos and other growing pains?


----------



## Bellavista

Maneo said:


> Of course, it is hard to tell when in the thick of things, which it sounds like you are. But do you think " this phase too shall pass" and when the teen angst is over that you might feel differently? Just like we parents survived the terrible twos and other growing pains?


I am sure that in time I will feel differently. As far as some go, the teenage angst we have is not severe, a 16yo who is lazy and unmotivated to do any more than she has to to pass at school. A 19yo who tends to pick frivolous partying friends over the serious ones, a 21yo who can't seem to manage his money and time, and a 25yo with aspergers and a psycho ex whom he cannot let go of.

For the most part though, none of them are criminal, none of them would harm another person or animal and if I tell them to do something, they will eventually do it. I suppose those are all good things. I just want 1 day in my house without another person... that is all I want right now..


----------



## Maneo

Bellavista said:


> I am sure that in time I will feel differently. As far as some go, the teenage angst we have is not severe, a 16yo who is lazy and unmotivated to do any more than she has to to pass at school. A 19yo who tends to pick frivolous partying friends over the serious ones, a 21yo who can't seem to manage his money and time, and a 25yo with aspergers and a psycho ex whom he cannot let go of.
> 
> 
> 
> For the most part though, none of them are criminal, none of them would harm another person or animal and if I tell them to do something, they will eventually do it. I suppose those are all good things. I just want 1 day in my house without another person... that is all I want right now..



Been there, felt that way. But only momentarily. But do you really, truly mean if you could do it over you wouldn't have any kids?


----------



## Bellavista

Maneo said:


> Been there, felt that way. But only momentarily. But do you really, truly mean if you could do it over you wouldn't have any kids?


I have no idea, it is easy to say you would do something if the possibility of it happening is zero.

It is also easy to project our feelings and values onto others. The OP asked for honesty, that is what I am giving out.


----------



## John Lee

Ok, you know what, when my kid woke up three times last night to WHINE incessantly for ten minutes, not even cry, just this low, loud, irritating moan for no apparent reason, yes, I regretted being a parent, and my wife admitted she did as well.


----------



## jayde

I have 3 kids and my answer depends upon which kid you're talking about : ) Before I was a parent, I would see a family with one kid that was a bit out there, or messed up, or whatever, and I would wonder what they did to that kid. Now I know, they all have their own personalities, literally from Day 1. And for me, I just don't I put too much thought into it - it was just something that would happen in my life. And like many things, if you really knew what you were getting yourself into, you would do it. And, how boring would that be???


----------



## Wiltshireman

I have never regretted having children (and we have 5) but there have been time when I have questioned my sanity. 
Three kids under 5, wife was a SAHM, I was working 80+ hours a week, sure I envied the free time / money our childless friends had. How single parents cope I do not know. 03:00 changing nappies or dealing with a sick child is never “fun” and that part has got harder as I have got older (I was 45 when our youngest was born).


Having children is the biggest, most expensive, most time consuming thing I have even done but for me it has been the most rewarding.
It is not for everybody.


----------



## Gseries

Six monsters, can't imagine life without them. I can however image a clean house and APs white carpet dream.
Just to stir the pot, you do know that somebody actually does HAVE to have kids, or this whole game we are in doesn't work.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tagearl

if the thread is still alive.....

kids are no problem.

Worry more about the other parent!


----------



## Miss Taken

I had my first son, he'll be ten soon when I was three months shy of my eighteenth birthday. No, he wasn't planned. I don't regret him. In fact, while not ideal timing, I'd be hard-pressed to even say that I regret the age that I was when I had him - being so young. Although it wasn't his job, he did motivate me to be and do better. I could have easily used my past as a crutch to do the opposite. But being HIS mother made me want to try harder. He didn't ask to be here, I brought him here and had a duty to make it a good life for him.

When he was three months old, I went back to high school during the day. My spouse watched him during the day and worked nights to support us and I watched the baby in the evenings. It was hard but we made it work and didn't rely on social services to get it done. Things were actually good between us then and we leaned a lot on each other and made it work. 

I finished high school and, I went on to college. I worked a full-time job in the government during every break between semesters, graduated college with Honours and got a job for a local prestigious law firm soon after. 

He hasn't slowed me down any. He's an awesome kid, brings in A's and B's, loves animals and has a very mature sense of humour. He's nearly ten now and is the pre-puberty stage is driving me a bit bonkers with the attitude but he is his mother's son lol. His wit, sarcasm and mouthiness is all me for better and for worse. Quite often it makes me laugh. He also looks just like me - well, if I were a young boy lol. As a big brother, he's also quite the nurturer (most of the time).

As for my second, I had him in 2012, I was 26. He is the third love of my life. I also am enjoying motherhood more this time around as I'm a SAHM right now. And while I had my head on straight when I had my first - I am even better at it because of experience and emotional maturity that comes with time. There is an 8 1/4 year gap between my kids. The youngest takes after their father in looks, but is a total "mamma's boy". He's only eighteen months but is chatty and funny as far as toddlers go, he is always trying to make us laugh. He wasn't planned either but neither of my kids are mistakes. I'm pro-choice and chose to have both of them. I didn't plan for either of them to be here but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Actually, when I had my first, I figured he'd be an only child and was for years. I didn't dream of having more. Since I've had my second son, I could easily picture myself stopping at 2 or having 2 more. You don't know what you'll do, feel or want until it's there sometimes and until it is, it's all speculation.


----------



## Tess112

Nope. Sometimes there are moments when I might *think* I regret it, but it's only briefly. I love my daughter, and wouldn't give her up for the world. 

I am disappointed that I can't have more children.


----------



## Anonymous07

jld said:


> I don't regret being a parent at all, but be ready to give away your life, at least for a while.
> 
> To be really controversial, if you do not feel like you are giving away your life, at least some of the time, you may not be doing it right.
> 
> I do remember at one point, when I had mostly young kids, just fantasizing about having my own apartment, with just the food I liked, regardless of healthfulness, and my own couch and TV with cable, to watch whatever I liked. The apartment had carpeting (we have a son with allergies, so carpet is not good) and it was quiet. Heaven.


:lol: :iagree:

Love the last part of this. I have an 8 month old and sometimes fantasize about being alone and doing my own thing, especially since he has such horrible separation anxiety right now. BUT, I wouldn't trade the kid for anything. Life as a mom is definitely a lot different from before, but I love watching my son grow up.


----------



## NobodySpecial

I have never regretted becoming a parent. But my child free by choice friend has never regretted not. It is a personal decision.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

IGSIMB said:


> *This is the forbidden question, did you ever had any regrets towards being a parent?*










and we have 



> *I am not yet a parent and I will not take it personally if someone tells me that I should stay child-free.
> Is it an easy choice for most people?*


 I had a burning desire to have kids.. not the norm I suppose.. nothing wrong with being childless..we should all pursue what will bring us happiness and fulfillment in this life..and find a partner on the same page...to take that journey with us. 

Even in my teens I KNEW I wanted a family -at the very least 3 kids... I was an only child & always hated that...I grew up envying some of my friends & their big boisterous families.. I WANTED that for my own life....

I met my husband very young..I knew he'd make a wonderful father.. I told him I wanted *at least 3 kids* and if one was not a







, I'd want to keep going...he told me so long as I took care of them all (not whining, complaining, expecting him to get up in the middle of the night)... I could have as many as I wanted.. ..he held his end of that deal.. (took us to #5 to get that girl)...and I happily held mine... 

Then we had trouble conceiving Baby #2.. over 6 + yrs trying... many tests, crying on his shoulder, a surgery...hardest time in our marriage..after all this was the desire of my







...

If there was a lesson in that experience that hit me like a ton of bricks..it was this.. TO NEVER TAKE OUR FERTILITY for Granted.. .just cause you want kids, doesn't mean everyone can have them WHEN THEY WANT THEM.. 

When those babies started coming...one after another... I felt the heavens opened, I was the Happiest big bellied dry heaving Mama you'd ever meet... when I felt SICK, I was happy. I knew it was a good sign!...

There was a time we had (4) kids 6yrs & under.. 2 in cloth diapers.. I'd lug them all to the Grocery store, on in my sling, holding 2 hands.. when he was at work.. they didn't slow me down..I just felt like I was living my dream...

But can I say..None of our kids ever had colic.. or health concerns other than the normal stuff...sure they get on OUR nerves at times.. loud, don't want to listen, they fight with each other... but yet when this happens...I remind myself... our house could be empty.. no dirty fingerprints on the wall.. no laughter in the backseat.. no family vacations.. just the 2 of us... for me, that would have been devastating...

I love throwing big Birthday parties, we open our house to their friends.. I can't say I am the type of parent to get on my knees and play.. but we live to give them a good life, a safe atmosphere, we enjoy mentoring them.. I said this in another trying to explain how I see parenting...



> *Simplyamorous said*: I look upon raising Children similar to the message contained in this book *>>*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The Giving Tree
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .... it is a story of Unconditional Love...Giving to them ...to enrich their lives...encouraging their friendships, helping them reach their dreams as they grow....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This makes us Happy (we are the  )....we are only here for *a season *in their lives.. .to love, nurture, and prepare them for this big bad world... so they have wings to fly on their own....and it all goes too fast!!
> 
> We will miss these yrs... wishing for them back someday... so may we hold them tight, and kiss them as we live NOW.
> 
> But too.... Remember ourselves, *keep the ROMANCE alive*...this we have come full circle.
> 
> One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a happy Home where they feel the love of their parents towards each other, seeing up close & personal how they work towards every goal hand in hand, with communication ever flowing, laughter along the way.....this gives them a great sense of security...and hope for their own marriages someday.


----------



## Keenwa

I'll break the mould here. I did regret having kids. For a few years I found it really hard, and now in retrospect I realize that my resentment for having kids came from the fact that my marriage was falling apart and I was disappearing within it. I couldn't see that at the time and so I think internally I blamed my disappearing self on the fact that I had kids. All the things I couldn't do, and how I had no time to myself etc et… but really it had to do with my inability to communicate and my co-dependent marriage. Now that I am coming out of that and heading for separation, I feel much more connected to my kids and while I always loved them very much, I realize my dis-ease with them and my wish I didn't have them was in fact my disillusionment at this life that I was living with my spouse, and the unhappiness inside of that.


----------



## johnAdams

Though I openly admit that I never really wanted children, I do not regret having our children in the least. 

We had our children young, so, were empty nesters relatively young.

I have become more patient with age, so, perhaps having children after I matured a bit would have made me a better father. I am a better, more patient grandfather.


----------



## JASON56

The best part of being a parent is being a grandparent.


----------



## JustTired

I don't regret becoming a parent. I never knew I could love a little person so much.


----------



## Almostrecovered

regrets? no

recognition that my life would be better in some ways and lacking in others? yes

that said, try taking my kids away from me or harm them and watch how fast I jump to their rescue


----------



## ILoveSparkles

When DH and I got together we both said we didn't want kids. We were cool with that for several years until our friends started having kids. Then we both were like "hmmmm....maybe there is something to this kid thing" -LOL

So we then decided we'd try for a baby and if it happened, cool. If it didn't happen, cool. We weren't up for going through fertility treatments.

We got pregnant our second month of trying and now have the most awesome 4 year-old son ever. We LOVE him like crazy. I had post-partum depression so while I loved DS with everything I had, I felt at the time that I regretted having him and thought "what did we do...???" It makes me sad to write this now.

Once I was put on anti-depressants, I felt better and realized how foolish and I felt like the sh!ttest mother in the word for even thinking the thoughts I had about him (not harming him or anything like that).  

My regret about having DS is the fact that I was consumed with PPD that I didn't fully enjoy him as a newborn.

For our second, we started an international adoption that didn't work out (I had a sucky pregnancy). Once we ended the adoption process, we felt we were too old and didn't want the age gap between kids. (DH is 6 years older than me and was 40 when DS was born). We decided together last year that it was time for him to have a vasectomy. I wish now that we had tried for another. So, we ended up with one child, but I wish we had two. It's okay though, we are very happy as a family of three! :smthumbup:


----------



## DoF

It's impossible to be a parent and not EVER have regrets.

Of course, that's completely normal and natural. 

Parenting is a love/hate relationship. Just like life, it's full of ups and downs...

The biggest regret I have about having kids, is bringing them into this F'ed up world.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

Kids are a lot of work, especially when you're an older parent. That said, I never will regret my kids - I love it when want me to lay down with them in their room while they're getting ready to fall asleep. 

The regret that I have is what it's done to our marriage, or more precisely, what I'm noticing more about their mother. Since the kids have arrived, and now that they're talking, I'm really seeing how immature she really is. Last night she had one of the kids in bed (nightly routine), and said an inappropriate word (not a cuss word, per se, but definitely inappropriate for a child of three) - of course, it was repeated back to her, which she thought was funny. I tell her all the time to watch her mouth around the kids, and while she will make an effort, sometimes she will say that if they use the word correctly, then it will be OK. Kids have also caused her to become stressed out about everything, and to nag me about really dumb stuff. She'll also gets very aggravated when they're whiny, and will give them what they want just so she doesn't have to hear them. 

Let's put it this way - I really think I would like it better if it was just the kids and me - yes, it would be hard, but could be done. I've said it before - I can have them for a week and have no issues, while she can have them for two hours, and be all stressed out. She's also proud of the fact that she's as mature as a middle-school kid, and this can make it challenging, as their mother has the mentality of a 12 year old.


----------



## Scannerguard

I used to be one of the sole posters here rather vocal about my regrets with having kids.

Lately though, I have not only softened but I have felt a change of heart to the other side of this opinion. Maybe it's because the youngest is 6, not sure why, maybe I'm just getting older.

Maybe it's because they are all pretty good kids.

I hate to give opinions like this based on "mood" but I guess it comes down I am in a good mood with them the last 3-6 months.


----------



## aston

BEst bet is to have them much earlier in life so you grow with them and not have to be a parent later in life. That's where regret comes from.


----------



## Tisme

Sometimes but at the end of the day I love my kids, best thing that even happened to me. I say sometimes with a bit of a grin by the way... there are just those times. My oldest is severely autistic and went through some wonderful phases, like poop smearing and self induced vomiting... that he'd also smear all over. Looking back though it was an experience I learned and grew from... love him. 

Someone once told me its okay to feel like throwing them out the window every now and then... just don't actually do it. Have a sense of humor and enjoy them. They grow up fast, cherish the time you have with them... okay I think I'm done.


----------



## Raewyn

I made a choice not to have children and to this day I know it was the right decision for me. I grew up in a very abusive and neglected environment and that had the biggest impact on my decision. But not everything is for everyone. Marriage is not for some, also children are not for some. And some people should not have children. You have to do what you feel is for you, and screw anyone that judges you for your decisions. It's your life, only you get to live it.


----------



## estrata

My husband and I waited ten years to have kids. I often wonder why we waited so long. My (three year old) son has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I think if you can provide a loving home, you will not regret having children. I also agree that a sense of humor is a must. My son makes me laugh almost every minute (and pull my hair out every other minute). I used to suffer from anxiety and depression. Since having my son I have zero anxiety and very little depression. Living for someone else is a great way to cure your own overly-introspective craziness.

That said, I kind of wish I had made sure I was with the right man before I had a child. Because in my mind, once you have kids in a relationship, you are stuck in that relationship. It doesn't make me regret having kids in any way, I just wish I had planned a bit better about who I was having a child with. Regret can come in many forms!


----------



## Mr. Nail

I had an interesting thought this week, or last week. I read that some people see marriage as a tool to provide a stable environment for children. My youngest is 16 (got asked to girls choice this week!) and I'm struggling to redefine my marriage as something more so it can continue after May 2016 when I will no longer need a stable place to raise children. 

I guess I'm a bit jealous of IGSIMB who I suppose has a stable relationship with out the needs of the children as it's reason for existing. My regrets are not the children. I regret some of the mistakes I made with them. I regret not focusing more on the marriage. 

The next 20 years are full of mystery. It will be a new kind of life that I have never experienced. I'm pretty sure I don't want a quiet apartment. 
MN


----------



## kwebb

I did... when oldest 2 were teenagers. They were rebelling. It was a difficult time for all of us due to the divorce. I kept thinking, what the heck was I thinking. At that moment, I really did not like being a mom, but like other situations in life, I got through it, they got through it, and all is good. Now, I can't even imagine my life without them. All are amazing adults.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

estrata said:


> That said, I kind of wish I had made sure I was with the right man before I had a child. Because in my mind, once you have kids in a relationship, you are stuck in that relationship. It doesn't make me regret having kids in any way, I just wish I had planned a bit better about who I was having a child with. Regret can come in many forms!


This is stated perfectly and succinctly. Like estrata, I feel stuck in my marriage. Pretty sad when you can't wait to get home to see your kids, but you'd rather have your spouse not be home.


----------



## darkwing

I don't regret having kids. I would be better without. I know I would probably be happier and a lot more flexibility if I don't have to support a house and kids. But if I was given another chance like in the movie "Touch Back", I would still choose to have kids.


----------



## MysticTeenager

I am not a parent yet, but I feel like so many people lie about not regretting having their children. I have been married for five months, and honestly, everyone I know told me to wait to have children, and to live my life and to do things for myself and have fun just being married and that when kids come, your life is over. Except for my sister in law who tried for a baby for ten years, and lost a baby nine months pregnant after five years of trying. And my granny in law who had seven children but all died as toddlers except for one who was killed in his 30s. They all were upset when they found out I was taking contraceptive pills and told me to have children because they were such a blessing. 

I think that says so much. You will have some regrets at some point. People who wait wish they had them earlier, people who had them early wish they waited, people who never had them wish they did... And on it goes. 

I have always wanted to be a young mother and raise my kids then enjoy retirement quite young. I will probably regret having them so young when I am having a rough day. But if I do wait until im in my 30s or 40s, I will wish I had them earlier.


----------



## darkwing

MysticTeenager said:


> I am not a parent yet, but I feel like so many people lie about not regretting having their children. I have been married for five months, and honestly, everyone I know told me to wait to have children, and to live my life and to do things for myself and have fun just being married and that when kids come, your life is over. Except for my sister in law who tried for a baby for ten years, and lost a baby nine months pregnant after five years of trying. And my granny in law who had seven children but all died as toddlers except for one who was killed in his 30s. They all were upset when they found out I was taking contraceptive pills and told me to have children because they were such a blessing.
> 
> I think that says so much. You will have some regrets at some point. People who wait wish they had them earlier, people who had them early wish they waited, people who never had them wish they did... And on it goes.
> 
> I have always wanted to be a young mother and raise my kids then enjoy retirement quite young. I will probably regret having them so young when I am having a rough day. But if I do wait until im in my 30s or 40s, I will wish I had them earlier.



Of course, if someone told me when I was young how much responsibility, work, as well as money needs to put into kids, I would not have kid. But since I have kids and going through the experiences, I am not regretting.

Of course, same thing said can be said about a wife, which if I someone told me how much trouble a wife bring, I would have stay single without kids for life. I can go where I want, live where I want and answer to nobody.


----------



## Fozzy

Mr. Nail said:


> I had an interesting thought this week, or last week. I read that some people see marriage as a tool to provide a stable environment for children. My youngest is 16 (got asked to girls choice this week!) and I'm struggling to redefine my marriage as something more so it can continue after May 2016 when I will no longer need a stable place to raise children.
> 
> I guess I'm a bit jealous of IGSIMB who I suppose has a stable relationship with out the needs of the children as it's reason for existing. My regrets are not the children. I regret some of the mistakes I made with them. I regret not focusing more on the marriage.
> 
> The next 20 years are full of mystery. It will be a new kind of life that I have never experienced. I'm pretty sure I don't want a quiet apartment.
> MN


:iagree:

I don't regret my kids at all, but I do regret my lack of understanding of how it would impact my marriage.


----------



## jojo717

my children are the greatest joy my life has ever known

but at times I regret having our 2nd child

wife and I both work and we have no family in the area
wife travels some for work

wife never felt very comfortable having sitters for our first born and as a result our life together as a couple became a very limited situation after having our first

we have some family about 2 hours away (my mom) who was always asking to watch the kids

but my wife didn't feel comfortable with that either


wife and I were not very good at setting and enforcing bedtimes for our first and most nights she would end up rocking our son to sleep and/or falling asleep with him in bed 

this went on until he was 5 or 6 years old...

we had always talked about having two kids and we wanted a nice gap between them 

and at this point we decided it was now or never (we were in our early 30's when we had our first)

we had a 2nd child when our first was nearly 7 yrs old

the entire cycle continued the same way...

and so now I find myself having had some serious issues in our marriage the last year or so

no one has cheated to anyone's knowledge

but after 13 years of almost no relationship as a couple...very few and far between date nights

almost no travel together 

almost no time together during the week except falling asleep in front of the tv since we don't even have a chance to sit down together until almost 11 pm most nights


I love both my kds...they do in fact bring me incredible joy every single day


BUT 

hindsight as 20/20

I don't think we should have had a 2nd child

if we hadn't had a 2nd everything in the past 7 years would have been easier for us as a couple to reconnect

I could have travelled w/my wife on some of her business trips even w/our son 

she might have felt more comfortable leaving our son at an older age w/my folks

but once the 2nd child came in she didn't want to leave them with them to handle an infant/toddler/two of them

in many ways I feel that our 2nd child has consigned me to a marriage in name only

it sucks to feel this way about one of the few bright lights in my life right now (my kids)

but I do

I truly do


----------



## Chana

I have two children, 7 and 10. I feel like we are in a 'sweet spot' now - they are both at school, more independent but still want to hang out with us and aren't all moody and teenager-ish. 

I did not handle the early days well. I had borderline PND with my first child, exacerbated because he did not sleep for more than 2 hours in a row for nearly the first year of his life. I really struggled with the 'baby' phase. I worried about everything, and at times, in that head space, yes - I did feel like I'd ruined our life and the baby's life. (I can see in retrospect that it wasn't a rational response. I wasn't in a rational place). I had #2 because I felt like I'd already messed things up, might as well go the whole hog. 

I remember feeling like I was a terrible person for feeling that way - the enduring sentiment of motherhood seemed to be like a pampers ad, with happy, sleepy babies, and smiling, contented mothers. My reality was ... not that. 

That was not an enduring feeling though and of course I do not regret them now. They are awesome, amazing people. I adore the father that my husband has become - it would be a sad thing if I had never got to see that aspect of his personality. 

All that said, I don't think a person should decided to have children based on other people's expectations, or just because they've reached 'that stage' in life.


----------



## liifeiisabeach

No regrets at all. My baby boy showed me how to love. He opened my heart to an extent I didn't even know was possible


----------



## downfall69

huge regrets being a parent has been a miserable horrible experience. very very complicated


----------



## askari

My children are 13 and nearly 16. They mean the world to me..so much so that I stay in a sexless marriage so that they can be an integral part of my life.

But....if I could cut out all the emotional connection and not know them only the financial drain, heartache etc then no I wouldn't have had children (or father them anyway!).

Does that make sense?


----------



## Feeling-Lonely

Interesting posts, I myself don't know if I want any kids. I am in my my mid 20's husband in his mid 30's he is convinced that as I get to be close to 30 I will want some. Who knows so far I have been discouraged of having kids from "older and wiser" people with kids. 

It is definitely not fun and games and not for everybody. I wish there was a way to know before we do it. C'e la vie I guess.


----------



## Anonymous07

Feeling-Lonely said:


> Interesting posts, I myself don't know if I want any kids. I am in my my mid 20's husband in his mid 30's he is convinced that as I get to be close to 30 I will want some. Who knows so far I have been discouraged of having kids from "older and wiser" people with kids.
> 
> It is definitely not fun and games and not for everybody. *I wish there was a way to know before we do it.* C'e la vie I guess.


Have you ever babysat someone's child(ren)? How did you feel about it all? 

I use to babysit through high school and some of college. Even after dealing with the temper tantrums, crying, screaming, hitting, biting, and so on, I still knew that I wanted to have my own family. If I was not sure on that feeling, I would not have had a child and would have been more careful to avoid pregnancy. Is it easy to be a mom? Hell no. There are quite a few days I want to pull my hair out and scream into a pillow from dealing with a toddler, but I love that kid so much. He signed and tried to say "I love you" to me the other day and I just melted. Kids are definitely not for everyone, so it would be a good idea to really feel confident about your decision before moving forward. If that gut feeling isn't there that is pushing you to have a baby, don't do it.


----------



## firebelly1

I love my 3 kids. My friends and family will tell you I'm a good mom. If I had it to do over again, knowing what I know now, there's a good chance I would not have had kids or limited the amount to one. I've actually made a point of telling my kids, especially my daughters, that they don't HAVE to have kids. I had kids because that's what people do, not because I truly wanted them and I believe being an unwanted child affects you your whole life. 

I had a professor once who said that her children "weren't her greatest accomplishment" and I feel the same. I have constantly felt like I am failing at being a parent, I have resented the lack of freedom, and I have felt guilty about my resentment. 

It's quite possible that I would feel differently if I'd had my kids later in life and I'd had a marriage partner that was truly a parenting partner but I had my kids young and the parenting duties fell on me since their dad thought that was a woman's job. And it's possible that even if I'd waited til later and had a true partner, I'd still not want kids. 

Kids are 24/7 work. They are a financial, emotional, and mental strain. They put a strain on marriages. And so you really have to weigh whether or not the benefits you get from having them are worth it.


----------



## SamuraiJack

IGSIMB said:


> This is the forbidden question, did you ever had any regrets towards being a parent?
> 
> I am not yet a parent and I will not take it personally if someone tells me that I should stay child-free.
> Is it an easy choice for most people?


My children are the coolest, most likeable people in the world.
Even though I am divorced, if someone said "You can have these kids again if you go through it all again."
my reply would be "Where do I sign?"

Yes there were moments. I would be lying if I said no. But there is NOTHING greater in the world than your daughter rolling into you on the floor while going "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy..."

Never a single regret.
Even when we bang heads, I love em to bits.


----------

