# Seperating but what to do



## Thathurtfella (May 4, 2020)

A few weeks ago my wife told me that she is tired of only saying we are "fine". She also told me she is no longer sexually attracted to me. We talked a lot over the last while and figured out she has a mental block for me sexually and has for some time. She decided she wants to seperate and has already bought a house in which she will move in to at the end of the month. All of this happened in the last month and she has days where she is unsure if shes making the correct decision because in all other aspects we were good, although she felt we were like roommates, we were great financially and rarely ever argued. Our over the phone counseller says we should hit reset and become friends and live separately for a year with a set of friendship terms. In my opinion this will do nothing to solve the actually mental block she has for me. She wants to try to work on it as do I but we are running out of time. I'm unsure if I could ever look at her in the same way if she starts or i start seeing someone else.

What should I do?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Start investigating. Check your phone bill for strange numbers with a lot of calls, check her Facebook and other social media accounts because this has all the signs of a new guy in the picture and she’s rewriting the history of your relationship. A lot of cheats try and justify their behavior in this way.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

See a lawyer. You're still married and any debt she acquires as well as assets will affect you. Protect your interests.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Investigate in stealth mode to ensure there is no other man waiting in the wings. It could be an affair although you also may have a walk-away wife.
Did she complain much during the marriage about your relationship? How old are you both? Often when women hit the 50 mark they start reassessing their lives and are unwilling to put up with what they put up with for years before.

You need to tell us more.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

She bought a house without you knowing about it?


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## Thathurtfella (May 4, 2020)

She bought a house with me knowing , we have a separation agreement with all assets detailed. There is no one else in the picture at this time. If her mental block for me wasnt there she would stay. We are in our late twenties.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Kindly, she's gone already.

By whoever came up with the term "she has / her mental block for me" is making stuff up to try and create a more rosy picture, fir some reason. 

The fact she has stated she want to leave, and very clearly, has said it all.

You need to starting protecting your emotions because your W doesn't have your best wishes at heart anymore.

Plan on being single.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You can go online and check your phone bill but I suspect she’s already gone. yes, it sounds like there’s another man in the mix. Like most you just don’t want to believe it And want proof. Drive by her new place late evening or have a friend check it out if you have to know. However, if you go down this path you will just keep yourself in limbo. Some just have to learn the hard way.

She’s trying to let you down easy. In stages if you will. The separation is a prelude for divorce. (Plus she’s probably making more time to focus on her other man with you out of the way)

If you’re smart you let her go quickly. You can waste a lot of time/life in these things when you'd be better off cutting all contact and move on with your life.

Don’t make the mistake of projecting. I love her so she must love me too. Nope, her actions say she doesn’t.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Thathurtfella said:


> She bought a house with me knowing , we have a separation agreement with all assets detailed. *There is no one else in the picture at this time.* If her mental block for me wasnt there she would stay. We are in our late twenties.


Bud, you’ve got all the red flags. She’s not gonna tell you the truth. They never do. You can’t depend on her words. Her actions say differently.

Better wake up.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

whose name is on the deed of the house?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

There was another guy from Canada here not long ago. Same scenario. He was adamant. He played the “pick me dance”, tried nicing her back, etc.

One day he stopped by unannounced at her new place. She was making dinner for her new other man who was there. Then it hit him.

She divorced him and introduced her 10 year old son to her other man almost immediately. Never admitted to a thing.


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

Thathurtfella said:


> A few weeks ago my wife told me that she is tired of only saying we are "fine". She also told me she is no longer sexually attracted to me. We talked a lot over the last while and figured out she has a mental block for me sexually and has for some time. She decided she wants to seperate and has already bought a house in which she will move in to at the end of the month. All of this happened in the last month and she has days where she is unsure if shes making the correct decision because in all other aspects we were good, although she felt we were like roommates, we were great financially and rarely ever argued. Our over the phone counseller says we should hit reset and become friends and live separately for a year with a set of friendship terms. In my opinion this will do nothing to solve the actually mental block she has for me. She wants to try to work on it as do I but we are running out of time. I'm unsure if I could ever look at her in the same way if she starts or i start seeing someone else.
> 
> What should I do?


Hmmmm....sounds like there’s a lot of things that could have shared between you over time and didn’t for whatever reason. I have found that when a person cannot be vulnerable enough to express feelings, thoughts and needs..it can cause a buildup of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Then stories are created and the other person is to blame. Sounds like that might be where’s she’s at. I can understand how you would be disapproving of her moving out because it sounds like that action would be a final line in the sand. But I really don’t know you’re take on it....it’s the sense I’m getting.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Thathurtfella said:


> She bought a house with me knowing , we have a separation agreement with all assets detailed. There is no one else in the picture at this time. If her mental block for me wasnt there she would stay. We are in our late twenties.


I am sorry, but could you explain how you know this? 

And if you guys are in your 20's good grief, get a divoce. Do you have any kids???


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## Thathurtfella (May 4, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> whose name is on the deed of the house?


I now officially own the current one we are both still in


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Truthfully? You have no real idea if there’s someone else or not. No one ever thinks their wife is cheating until they see it and even there some refuse to believe the OM is more than a friend. Yes, she could have lost interest in you without someone else being involved but the simple answer is very often the correct one. Keep it in mind. Also keep in mind that separation usually leads to divorce and not to fixing what’s wrong with the marriage.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

She bought a house?
She's not coming back.
I'm not sure why you would want her to.
Just make the separation permanent and move on.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

really, at that point it does not matter if she has another man on the side waiting. She is gone. Buying a house is a huge move.

Let her go. Focus on getting your life in order.


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## habc (Aug 24, 2013)

Yes , Been through hell myself, move on . I never listened to people and took my wife back and she ruined me again , get out and go be happy


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