# Don't know how to do this



## cantdothis (Aug 4, 2010)

Three months ago, my wonderful husband, who was wonderful to me and I love more than anything, left me. He gave me many reasons. He said he couldn't handle the responsibility, he said he had his own depression issues, he said he felt like he was bringing me down, ect...but it boiled down to him saying he wasn't in love with me and hadn't been in a long time. The first month in a half, he said he missed me and loved me and was in love with me but needed to work on his issues, he started seeing a therapist, and seemed to be doing well. Then he said he had everything figured out and he does not love me but looks at me as his best friend that he will always care about. When he is lonely or sick or upset, he still comes to me. I thought that meant he still loved me deep down but he said tonight that it is just habit since we were together for seven years. I don't know what to do. I can't sleep, I have lost a lot of weight, I can't focus at work, I am failing my college classes and considering droppng out even though I am almost done after finally returning to school. I just can't deal with this. I love him so much I don't know how to live without him. No, I am not considering suicide but I just can't see how I can ever get over this.


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## The Destroyer (Aug 3, 2010)

Please, Please don't even think of suicide. I know the pain is overwhelming and you just want to shut if off but that is never the answer. 

Do you have anyone you can talk to? Anybody at all?

~Destroyer


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

You can do it and you will because you have to. I am in the same situation as you, my darling husband who I have loved from the first time I set eyes on him has left me for someone else. It's nearly 2 months on now and I have lost him, my home, my dreams of the future, everything, but I am still carrying on. Its hard, he is constantly on my mind and I have a dull ache inside but you get on because what else is there. I try not to think of the future of him coming back or not and just deal with getting through today. That's how I am dealing with it, I have cut all contact with him and his family while he is with her, so that I am not tortured with what he/they are doing. I fill my day, I have started learning to drive, started dancing lessons, started volunteering at a charity and take my dog for 2 long walks a day, I make plans and have reconnected with people I never saw when we were together. If I am at home I am on facebook so there is always someone to connect with. 

You just have to look for a bright spot in each day to get you through. Talking to someone new, getting out of the house for a walk, seeing friends, anything that for a short time will make you feel normal. I'm not saying I am finding it easy, its the worse pain I have ever felt and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I am surviving and that's all you can do at the moment. Don't worry if the dishes aren't washed or you are living on takeaways do what you have to do to get you through that hour and if that is laying in bed watching DVDs do it, its a time to be selfish and do what you need to do. 

We can do this and we will and if you need someone to vent to message me.


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

Oh just to add don't make any huge life changing decisions right now, you aren't thinking straight. He has made you doubt yourself and everything that you thought was stable in your life. Have you talked to work and college? I let work know what was happening and they have been great, people were just glad I was there and they were able to keep an eye on me and were completely understanding if I wasn't as on top of things as I usually am. Let them know, there might be procedures in place to let you defer or have mitigating circumstances if your work at college isn't its usual standard. Talk to people, they can't help if they don't know you are struggling. I am usually a really private, upbeat person, but because people at work knew what was happening they were there to support me if I was looking shaky or ready with a hug if I needed it. Take care


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Hi,

I second the idea of talking with the university people. I would also recommend to go and speak with a counselor. They have free sessions for students, and he can even draft a letter explaining your current situation. You just need to reach out, it is better to drop the classes than lowering your GPA due to this situation. They have to understand, the same thing happened to me and they were pretty open to work with me and help me.

The time will come when you will be able to continue your education, but you have to understand that you are not superwoman and can function as you normally do. Give yourself time to grieve and time to heal, if there is something that is adding stress to your life instead of peace, it is sometimes better to leave it for a while. Like the other member said, now it is time to be selfish because you need as much support and love as needed during these hard times. 

The best and we all are here to help as much as we can


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## cantdothis (Aug 4, 2010)

The university people have been very understanding and have given me chances to make things up but I think I just need a break. I can't focus and I agree it is better to drop than kill my GPA. I can make plenty of money without my degree right now so that's ok. I have been so up and down lately. I will go from thinking I am ok to angry and screaming to depressed and crying. I can't find motivation for anything. He has been coming over and getting his stuff and every time I come home and see something missing I freak out. I still don't understand how he could just stop loving me and give up on everything. I feel my past present and future has been taken away. The plans that we had made right now I should be pregnant and finishing school and we should be looking for a house. Instead I'm alone trying to pay my rent myself and having divorce papers drawn up. I just don't see how I can ever be happy again. It does help to hear about people who are going through this or have gone through this.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. It is really puzzling the way he is behaving. Have you wondered if perhaps he has a new love interest?


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