# Starting a marriage



## Dredd (Apr 16, 2014)

I was thinking about finances today, and I was curious, when you and your spouse got married (first marriages for those of you in their 2nd or 3rd), how much money did you have to your name? Did you have any debt accumulated?

Furthermore, how do you think that financial state affected your marriage?


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Dredd said:


> I was thinking about finances today, and I was curious, when you and your spouse got married (first marriages for those of you in their 2nd or 3rd), how much money did you have to your name? Did you have any debt accumulated?
> 
> Furthermore, how do you think that financial state affected your marriage?


When I got married, I had several thousand dollars saved up and no debt. I had a scholarship that paid for my college degree and I worked part-time. 

Although, on the other hand, my husband had some debt(student loan). We just paid that off not too long ago, which was a weight lifted off of us, but what is stressful now is the job situation. My husband has been trying to move up for a while now and is stuck. The income we have now(from his job and my part-time work) is just making it for our little family(have a son). That stress has been tough on our marriage, more so for my husband.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My ex and I both had student loans, and we had very little money. I don't think it had any bearing on our relationship. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

My wife was heavily in student loan debt. I was doing pretty good in my career, so I paid off her debt with a single check.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

When we got married I had all my college loans paid off, a healthy bank account, and brand new Camero. Practically weeks later all the money was gone. Spent by an entitled wife from a rich family. Shoulda got out right then. Warning sirens blaring in my ears and I ignored it all. Stupid.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> When we got married I had all my college loans paid off, a healthy bank account, and brand new Camero. Practically weeks later all the money was gone. Spent by an entitled wife from a rich family. Shoulda got out right then. Warning sirens blaring in my ears and I ignored it all. Stupid.


How badly did you get crushed, my man?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Dredd said:


> I was thinking about finances today, and I was curious, when you and your spouse got married (first marriages for those of you in their 2nd or 3rd), how much money did you have to your name? Did you have any debt accumulated?
> 
> Furthermore, how do you think that financial state affected your marriage?


First marriage I was 20 and my wife was 19. I had a little saved and neither of us had debt. It was tough considering we had low paying jobs and started a family but within 5 years we were able to buy a cute little house.

We divorced at year 7 for reasons I think were not related to money. Ehh I don't know, maybe her cheating was status related in some way? I categorized why she would cheat on a good man under (WTF). I did ponder about my role in it but kept coming back to (WTF).


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Dredd said:


> I was thinking about finances today, and I was curious, when you and your spouse got married (first marriages for those of you in their 2nd or 3rd), how much money did you have to your name? Did you have any debt accumulated?
> 
> Furthermore, how do you think that financial state affected your marriage?


First got married? Had around ~$5K 

Debt accumulated in early years? Owed around ~$450K lol

Only turned it around by securing investors for expansion projects which took years but not only eliminated the entirety of my debt but secured my financial future - at the cost of complete control of my business.

Marriage is expensive! Feeding a family as sole provider even more so! Then divorce effectively halves your assets! Bah!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

When we got married we had maybe $3000 between the two of us.

Worked at a government job. She worked retail. 

About 8 years in, I started my own business. Business has continued to grow. We are doing very well financially.

Our best years were when we had the least amount of money.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> Our best years were when we had the least amount of money.


Really? How so?

The early years were brutal for me, especially the first year working 84 hours in 2 jobs prior to ownership. Then again we had baby bells so...


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> When we got married we had maybe $3000 between the two of us.
> 
> Worked at a government job. She worked retail.
> 
> ...


That's life isn't it? When pursuing dreams there's a belief that those dreams are all that's needed to become happy. So many reach their dreams, aren't happy, and only then screw up.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Can't say I agree =/


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## Dredd (Apr 16, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> First got married? Had around ~$5K
> 
> Debt accumulated in early years? Owed around ~$450K lol
> 
> ...


Do tell, what kind of business?



SadSamIAm said:


> When we got married we had maybe $3000 between the two of us.
> 
> Worked at a government job. She worked retail.
> 
> ...


What does your business do?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A man wondering how marriage might impact finances is a little like wondering how a forest fire might impact trees. Whatever you have, she is very likely capable of spending. I haven't seen money since 1980. Is it still green?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

treyvion said:


> How badly did you get crushed, my man?


Yes, crushed is the word. She must have gone through $10K the first week we were married. I like the example the other poster here gave about having to argue and haggle why not to spend on things because I felt like I was teaching Budgeting 101 at the local community college. Common sense things weren't so common sense to her, she just wanted to know when she could spend. She said "You a$$hole, you said you had money!" I grew up poor, that 10K she went through was big money to me. Her parents just made it worse. Her dad actually said to me that my marriage is failing becuase you don't let her spend and her mother kept saying, "When are you going to buy a house you cheap son of a *****. How long are you going to make her live in that rotten apartment of yours?" They all made me feel so bad and that I was to blame for everything. I thought if I got out it would seem I was running away from my responsibility.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

^ yikes! I know it's irrelevant but I'm always curious when I read such things, probably because I can't relate, but what sort of things did she spend $10k on? I'm also curious as to whether she worked or how she contributed to the house-hold.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> ^ yikes! I know it's irrelevant but I'm always curious when I read such things, probably because I can't relate, but what sort of things did she spend $10k on? I'm also curious as to whether she worked or how she contributed to the house-hold.


To date she has contributed nothing to the household. She has a job but does not use her money on paying bill or for the family, only to spend on herself. The 10k she spent was much the same thing, clothes, purses, shoes and other things we didn't need.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

jb02157 said:


> To date she has contributed nothing to the household. She has a job but does not use her money on paying bill or for the family, only to spend on herself. The 10k she spent was much the same thing, clothes, purses, shoes and other things we didn't need.


Did you realize that she was materialistic while dating? And why do you think she said "You told me you had money"?

Have you spoken up to her family? I really hope that you don't let them put you down. Keep your sense of self respect.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

*cough* *PRE-NUP!*


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Geez JB, how long did you date?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> Yes, crushed is the word. She must have gone through $10K the first week we were married. I like the example the other poster here gave about having to argue and haggle why not to spend on things because I felt like I was teaching Budgeting 101 at the local community college. Common sense things weren't so common sense to her, she just wanted to know when she could spend. She said "You a$$hole, you said you had money!" I grew up poor, that 10K she went through was big money to me. Her parents just made it worse. Her dad actually said to me that my marriage is failing becuase you don't let her spend and her mother kept saying, "When are you going to buy a house you cheap son of a *****. How long are you going to make her live in that rotten apartment of yours?" They all made me feel so bad and that I was to blame for everything. I thought if I got out it would seem I was running away from my responsibility.


You listened to them?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Really? How so?
> 
> The early years were brutal for me, especially the first year working 84 hours in 2 jobs prior to ownership. Then again we had baby bells so...


Because early on I felt loved. My wife cared for me. We each desired each other.

The kids were young. They listened to their mother (she is a SAHM) and all was peaceful.

As the kids got older (teenagers) they started to have minds of their own. My wife tried to control them and she wanted me to do the same. I didn't think I needed to, so it caused friction.

Now it seems like I desire my wife, but she has no desire for me.


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## Counterfit (Feb 2, 2014)

Dredd said:


> I was thinking about finances today, and I was curious, when you and your spouse got married (first marriages for those of you in their 2nd or 3rd), how much money did you have to your name? Did you have any debt accumulated?
> 
> Furthermore, how do you think that financial state affected your marriage?


Bachelor
Mid-50's
Net worth approximately 1.3 million
No debts, no mortgage on home, no wife.....no worries.
:smthumbup:


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

S


Counterfit said:


> Bachelor
> Mid-50's
> Net worth approximately 1.3 million
> No debts, no mortgage on home, no wife.....no worries.
> :smthumbup:


Someone can clean you out in a few months so keep it that way
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

Wow, some of the stories. My H has always been firm about divided property and finances. I am too. I have my own accounts (still in red but I am under 10k of my student loans). I make money and can see it paid back this year. 

When we married, I had 15k debt, he had none and + 30.00k in savings, paid car (two) all paid house. I am not on the deed of that house. We live in it and remodel, I have done at least a half or more of the remodel and the value has gone up 50%. I haven't paid rent while living in it, instead I pitch in with the remodel and half of the bills. He pays tax and insurances, I pay bills. He is on one of my accounts I am not on any of his. When I want to take him of my account (joint, where I only put money in) he gets mad. To be honest I only bring it up when angry and want to show him that I am a big girl, maybe out of spite that I am not on his accounts. I realize it is dumb and there is no reason I should be on his accounts since I am not a gold digger. 

He is 10 years older that means has had 10 years head start in finances, that doesn't worry me I am confident I will have savings in 10 years too.


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## Jara (Nov 22, 2014)

I had about 8k in the bank and 20k in student loans. He had 0 in the bank (spent the last bit on an engagement ring) and about 16k in student loans (by the time he finished school we were at 33k in loans for him). 

He was still in school when we married, while I was already 1 year into my career. He still had another 2.5 years of school to go so we had both discussed that I would be the "breadwinner" while he finished school. We also knew his career would take a while to get into (11 months to find a job). So we had already communicated and agreed, it would be best for him to stay home and work on his portfolio/apply for jobs while I supported financially. He was in the Guard so he did bring in about $300 a month that went onto his student loans during this time.


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## Chana (Sep 14, 2013)

We had educational debts (but here it is paid back through the taxation system once you start earning above a set amount so isn't considered the same as student debts are) and a small personal loan debt. We earned enough to cover our outgoings without too much anxiety if we were careful, and sometimes managed to save a little bit too. Most of our arguments about money in those days weren't about how much/little we had, but came from FOO attitudes towards spending.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
When I got married, I was a starving (well literally hungry) student, my wife had a full time job and fairly wealthy parents. She basically supported me for the next several years until I finished school. 

Over the next 20 years my income gradually rose until it was substantially higher then hers, and we ended up quite comfortable. Then recently she inherited a bunch. 

The wide variation in our relative incomes is one of the reasons I always advise married couples to combine incomes, not split expenses.


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