# 34 Wks pregnant & unhappy with my marriage



## jjaymo (Nov 24, 2007)

This will sound like a case of pregnancy woes..and don't get me wrong, I'm going through the exteme emotions with the horomonal aspect. However, I wonder if my marriage is really the trigger for my emotions. I'm 34 weeks along, this the second pregnancy, I have a 4 yr old daughter. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. Although I'm not myself, and we have not had sex since conception of this baby (well, we tried a couple times during the early stages of the pregnancy, but it was too uncomfortable for me) and the romance is not there...and this is all normal. My husband? He doesn't seem to get it and understand at all. He breaks my heart every day. Doesn't ask me how I'm doing, doesn't seem to want to be near me, doesn't ask to help me with things...I have to ask him and yet he KNOWS how difficult it is for me to ask someone to help. He's been really difficult to be around. This pregancy is not going to be a good memory in the future. I will want to forget the pregnancy, unlike my first..which was wonderful. He was so sweet to me, so loving..and get this. We weren't doing well at all before that pregnancy..we were on the outs actually, I was leaving him. But little did I know I was carrying our first child. So when we learned we were pregnant, we gave it another chance. It was wonderful. We didn't have sex through that pregnancy either, nor was I myself either...but if I got upset, he was right there. He even helped me up the stairs when I hit the 8 month mark. 
Well this time, is really aweful. He even yelled at me the first time I broke down and cried because I couldn't move around the house fast enough to pick up before some of our friends came to visit...he said "Snap out of it!" and not in a fun loving way...it was real yelling. I don't like saying this, but he is making it very difficult to love him anymore. I cry over this every night now as I always go to bed alone and exhausted. Does anybody else know what this is like? Are there others our there that are going through the same thing? I even wonder if my husband really wanted us to have another baby...even after we both agreed we wanted one more child. Please, someone out there tell me if they know what this feels like and share with me. 
Thank you~


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I am a male and never have been in your situation. 

I do have a few questions for you however that may lead to a solution.

What was the problem that had the two of you on the outs before the first child?

Were they ever resolved?

draconis


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## jjaymo (Nov 24, 2007)

Hi draconis...The problem was communication, lack there of. He didn't take much seriously and didn't seem interested in anything that I had to say. He was emotionally removed. And I know he didn't stray from me, I just know. So that couldn't be the cause. I ended up emotionally straying from him due to that by making a connection with another (a male friend) and spent a lot of time talking with him. I had then decided I could no longer be in the relationship that had just seemed to wither away and told my husband I was leaving him and at that time told him about the friendship I had with this other man. He wanted couseling, I refused because I had asked him in the past if we could get counseling and he said he didnt believe in it...so he panicked and I said 'it's too late'. A week later, we learned we were pregnant with our now 4 year old daughter. He asked me to stay at least through the pregnancy, and I did as I was afraid to go it alone. We started to see things differently and seemed to manage to get along better and started talking to eachother about the things that mattered. It was a wonderful time actually. Happiest time in our marriage. He and I got past the problems we had and moved on. So was it ever resolved? I think so, but unintentionally, if that makes any sense. However, today...litterally today, I just learned that he has kept a lot to himself over the last year, things that have been bothering him, and he won't talk to me about them today. He is torchering me. I even told him, he might as well bind me down and light on fire, because that is exactly what it feels like for me...knowing things have been bothering him and yet he wont tell me. So we are now back to square one. No communication. I told him today that "I wish I were not having this baby with him. I don't know what I was thinking." Sometimes I wonder if I could do this alone.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Hopefully he will come to his sense. I think the lack of communications have hurt your relationship. However at least you have talk with him today.

The fact that he kept things to himself is a breakdown on his part. What was it that he had held over the last year that would make him act so irrationally?

Did he ever say why now?

draconis


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