# Regain Confidence



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm curious how others who ego was shattered got their confidence back? I know the obvious answer is working out, I'm doing that. 

But I'm looking for other people's advice?


----------



## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

I accepted people saying that I was beautiful. Then I started smiling then laughing with family & friend.


----------



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

For me it's actually looking in the mirror and saying "I love you" "You are attractive"


----------



## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Yep. For me it was working out, eating right, losing extra weight. Did some boxing (cuz why not). New haircut/style. Bought new wardrobe (even just one new outfit that fit the new body was a boost). Sounds all on the surface but it changed how I felt inside. Once that progress was made, it was on to my favorite:

Looking every woman in the eye and giving a little smile, whether it be at the gas station, bank, at a restaurant/bar, (and who cares if they're "out of your league"...when you notice them smile back - and they will -it becomes a HUGE boost). Realizing you have options and walking tall is the epitome of confidence. The best part is as you sense others sensing that about you, it gets even stronger.

Good luck...


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I don't know if my ego was shattered... I am just wondering how on earth I could be w/ a man other than my husband. I do have body issues (esp if naked) and am afraid about sex w/ someone other than my H (of almost 3 decades). How do you get that back?


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

The thought of dating again is a bit unnerving. Even though I am in shape and told I would be a real catch, it has been 20 years.

Although I have to admit it does excite me a bit to think of the possibilties of finding someone who would actually be interested in meeting my needs which she used to many years ago.

I think like this whole big picture the confidence will be a mini roller coaster ride in itself.

All the best to you guys.


----------



## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> I don't know if my ego was shattered... I am just wondering how on earth I could be w/ a man other than my husband. I do have body issues (esp if naked) and am afraid about sex w/ someone other than my H (of almost 3 decades). How do you get that back?


A one nite stand.. :smthumbup: 

but seriously take it day by day if you meet someone it will come naturally. 

fyi.. if you watch Desperate Housewives watch episode 8 
Lynette's first sexual encounter since separating from Tom..


----------



## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

Following on the working out....

This week, I was traveling for business, for a big get-together with my extended business team, which is rare. At a happy hour before a banquet dinner, a long-time (female) coworker whom I haven't seen in a while said, "You look great! Have you lost weight? And it looks like you're growing out your hair...It looks good!" 

Well, both of these things (hair, weight) are true. I have to say, just having her notice was a big ego boost.

**EDIT** I can't believe I can't use the term for an alcoholic drink that was also the name of a Tom Cruise bar-themed movie without it being edited out.


----------



## workitout (Jan 24, 2012)

I'm still nervous about the dating thing. I'm only 29, but I've been "out of the game" for nearly a decade.

Something happened at work the other day that sparked my confidence back though. A younger guy I work with was talking about a situation with a girl he is dating. She's never had a boyfriend, so she finds being alone with him really awkward. He asked for advice, and I gave it to him.

As I dished out advice on ways he can try to communicate with her, I started to realize that I still had it. I may be rusty, and things will undoubtedly be awkward; but I now feel confident that I can get back on that bike and start pedaling.


----------



## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Exercising and losing weight, slowly coming to terms with the separation, regaining my self-worth, my family doctor saying he's not worried about me finding someone else once I'm ready, and today a woman I know said "you're looking great!". So, a bit of this and a bit of that.


----------



## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Canguy, great to hear you are doing good! I myself have been in a rut the last 2 weeks. I've gained 10 pounds, my confidence is shot and I finally found out that it quite possibly was an affair that killed my marriage. Tough couple of weeks, but I'll get back on the horse and get back in line...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

frigginlost said:


> Canguy, great to hear you are doing good! I myself have been in a rut the last 2 weeks. I've gained 10 pounds, my confidence is shot and I finally found out that it quite possibly was an affair that killed my marriage. Tough couple of weeks, but I'll get back on the horse and get back in line...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ouch... very sorry to hear that. I hope you do your best to use that discovery as fuel to move on. I just saw your thread and I'll comment on that later. You've been in a better place and will get there again I'm sure. Hey... what happened to that 24 year old? 

I was strong last week but had a very rough time this week. Just sad, missing my old life, the best parts of the relationship and feeling very lonely. I didn't walk as often, and didn't always eat wisely. But... as of this morning I am at -49lbs. I'll take that and ride the high while it lasts.

Proud - nothing wrong with self-affirmation and telling yourself good things in the mirror. Whatever works, my friend.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Some days it is all about elbow grease. Licking the dirt off the floor gets old & after a while you feel like standing up and breathing some fresh air.

I find that over time, I realize that not everyone feels on top of their game 100% of the time...even people who are in good, solid, relationships. It's how you treat yourself when you're not feeling overly confident, what you say to yourself, how you might encourage yourself that matters. Licking a bit of dirt now and then from the on-the-floor perspective can be healthy, it builds empathy - for oneself and also for others.

If you just roll over, you can do some cloud watching?
A slight maneuver, with a different perspective.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm not so much worried about getting my self confidence back. I just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shamwow said:


> Yep. For me it was working out, eating right, losing extra weight. Did some boxing (cuz why not). New haircut/style. Bought new wardrobe (even just one new outfit that fit the new body was a boost). Sounds all on the surface but it changed how I felt inside. Once that progress was made, it was on to my favorite:
> 
> Looking every woman in the eye and giving a little smile, whether it be at the gas station, bank, at a restaurant/bar, (and who cares if they're "out of your league"...when you notice them smile back - and they will -it becomes a HUGE boost). Realizing you have options and walking tall is the epitome of confidence. The best part is as you sense others sensing that about you, it gets even stronger.
> 
> Good luck...


I already "liked" this post.

Yet, I want to quote it for truth.

Gospel truth.

Just what I'd expect from a Cardinals' fan.


----------



## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

As I told a good female friend: Have a few drinks and hit on yourself in the mirror. That is what I do. No sadness or negativity, just the absurd humor and the confidence building.

I too changed up my look. First compliments from females I have ever had, besides her. However my smoking has picked up again, I am quitting asap. That is not conducive to exercise or my BP. My one down side I can't get over, my hair is thinning fast. I had a head full of hair at 23 now at 27 it feels like 50% less. maybe it is just me.

Just keep taking care of yourself.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I keep my wife, and there was alot of role playing that went on after d-day. Sexually speaking there was alot of submission on her part.

The next best thing for me was forcing my self in being out going and positive, my additude was one that wasn't going to let my wifes weakness beat me, and it just kind of rubbed off on folks, I mean poeple start to warm up to you and you get this ego boost when your liked, especially when its a chick.


----------



## SilverPanther (Feb 2, 2012)

I'm pretty far from regaining my confidence, but I am changing up my look little by little, and I think it is helping. I joined a gym a couple weeks ago, and absolutely love working out. It's therapeutic and helping me get back in shape. I got my hair trimmed today for the first time in a LONG time. My goal is to get my hair to grow longer, and I intend to color it again (I was pretty much told I wasn't allowed to color it while with my husband, even though I prefer it red and everyone who knows me says I look better as a redhead), and possibly get it styled.

I'm also starting to explore possible ways to fix up my face. I have severe acne, even at 26, though it all but went away when I was in a third world country so I am thinking it's related to the horrible chemicals and corn and sugar derivatives thats pretty much the full compliment of the American diet these days, but since I'm stuck here for the time being, I am trying to find ways to get my face back in shape. I have been with a guy pretty much nonstop for about 6 years, so I always felt the acne couldn't be a big deal, after all I already had someone so no big deal...but now I wanna get my face back.

I do think working on your outward appearance does enhance your inner confidence, but I know also that fixing myself on the outside is the easy part. Then we hafta roll up the sleeves and figure out why I have so little confidence in my psyche and personality, as well. That's more of a challenge.


----------



## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

I find going out partying/hanging out with close friends (especially those who have been through it all before) is helping me a lot; anything that gets me out of the house on the days I'm not with my daughter. I'm keeping up with my fitness and hobbies....and I'm also about to sign up on match.com and get out there on a few dates.


----------

