# Girlfriend of 7 Years Hiding Her Texts With Her Coworker Crush



## ongkal (Aug 29, 2012)

Deleted


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Look sir, you are not even married and she is already engaging in EA's? If you find a woman who is truly in love with you she will not bother with anyone else. She will not see anyone else but you, for a while at least until after you have been married for a couple years. Its easy when you are single to leave and move on.

Now, she is gas lighting you. In order to wake her up you need to leave her and show her your seriousness about not tolerating any EA or inappropriate relationships with OM (other man/men). Since you are not married you can't really do a 180, and basically leaving her is the 180 and if you take her back on her word you can't rush to trust. 

Try expanding your options and go single if you can, its not looking too good.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I feel this should be addresed head on at the soonest possible time and thank god you found out now and not in 5 years with 3 kids or something!! Move On


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

It's inappropriate, she's lying, she's fishing, she's gaslighting.

Does it need to be spelled out any more explicity than that?


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## here2learn (Aug 23, 2012)

ongkal said:


> im confused right now.
> is what she did considered cheating? *Yes. Especially the attempted cover-up and lying (after she was caught)*.
> am i overreacting? *No, absolutely not.*
> should i swallow my pride and forgive her? *If you feel it's worth salvaging the relationship and she shows true remorse, yes. But you need to get her to agree to more appropriate boundaries and have complete transparency. Do not rugsweep; there must be consequences of her betrayal.*
> i still love her so much.


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## ongkal (Aug 29, 2012)

Thanks guys. i really wish I knew about this community beforehand. I could have extracted much more. The doubts and thinking of the what ifs are killing me


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Total EA. 


Man up and squash it before it becomes a PA, thats all there is to do honestly. 

Don't take her crap, let her know you won't tolerate her flirting with another guy when shes supposed to be your girlfriend, period.

No negotiations, no discussions, also have her write a no contact letter and you tell him in person or on in a call(not text too impersonal) that what they were doing was inappropriate and that is ending now. Don't say your asking him to end it, don't say it needs to stop. you TELL this smug mofo that whatever they were doing is *OVER* and he has no business speaking with your girlfriend anymore outside of work related matters, and even then brief and completely professional.

If he doesn't swear up and down in agreement and say no, that hes going to continue to talk to *YOUR* girlfriend then shes gonna have to quit her job cause this guy wants her and you don't want this whole situation to end with her riding him cowgirl in a hotel or you in the back of a police cruiser after rearranging his face.(I've been there before. bruised knuckles, busted lip and if the officer didn't know me personally I'd have slept behind bars that night) You have to be serious about EAs, before you know it shes telling you hes her soulmate and will be wanting to meet him in a hotel to consulate their 'love.' 

Don't let her spin any crap about controlling either. If she wants to act like shes single and flirt with guys let her know in no uncertain terms that she'll have to do it without you being her boyfriend. 

The worst cake eaters are the ones who think you won't walk and will just put up with their bullsh!t.

If she disagrees with any of this than break up. If she won't give up a threat to her relationship or respect your boundaries and wishes than she is a selfish woman and you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I would separate plain and simple. She is obviously not fulfilled with your relationship and it is manifesting. I would tell her that as of right now we are done. If you want to stay with me that's great call me. We can talk and have fun but until I am ready to trust you again it is over. 
I would then follow through with this. 7 years is a long time to go without getting married. I think this is a clear sign as to why you have not gotten married. Good luck but if you stay with her be prepared to deal with this again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Kasler said:


> Don't let her spin any crap about controlling either. If she wants to act like shes single and flirt with guys let her know in no uncertain terms that she'll have to do it without you being her boyfriend.
> 
> *The worst cake eaters are the ones who think you won't walk and will just put up with their bullsh!t.*


Hard consequences are the only thing that *may* work. I would tell her straight up that you are done. That you aren't living in an open relationship. Tell her "the only person you have fooled is yourself." The fact that he has a girlfriend do and is cheating on her means they would neve trust eachother anyway. Think about it. He isn't a prize.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I thought there was a chance until this



> And *this isnt exactly the first time* she showed plenty of attention to her crushes without me knowing. I am really heartbroken at this point. I switched college courses for her, *I declined two lucrative job opportunities in another city because she cried*,


Way too many lies. She sounds way too selfish to not do it again. It did not proceed further only because the OM did not want it. Next time, the OM might not be such a decent guy(or was he?)


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

ongkal said:


> Thanks guys. i really wish I knew about this community beforehand. I could have extracted much more. The doubts and thinking of the what ifs are killing me


Relax, don't stress, exercise. Then when you are in a fresh, calm yet energetic state, make your choice, the choice that your little voice in the back of your head tells you to make, gut choice, whatever.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Relax, don't stress, exercise. Then when you are in a fresh, calm yet energetic state, make your choice, the choice that your little voice in the back of your head tells you to make, gut choice, whatever.


Excercise....always a good choice. Clears the mind








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ongkal (Aug 29, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I would contact dude's girlfriend and let he know the score (do this w/o any warning to your girlfriend or him beforehand).
> 
> All the hiding and sneaking--you were spot on--people do not do that unless they have something to hide.
> 
> The fact she went as far as changing his name in her phone to precent you from knowing the identity. & saying it was someone else after being confronted says it all.


I am planning on doing this but how do i make my approach considering my girlfriend's claim of him not pursuing her? I have seen the OMGF's profile on facebook.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You saw the messages, right? So you know what the exchanges were between them. 

Send her a private message on Facebook and say "Look, I am X's boyfriend and recently became aware taht she is having an inappropriate relationship with you rboyfriend. I found out because XYZ. SHe admitted to me their inappropriate relationship and went as far as changing his name/identity in the phone, denied it and later confessed. The messages t hey exchanged were about XYZ. If you were aware of tis already, I am sure this will come as no shock to you but if you weren't, then I feel you also have a right to know. If you have any questions, you can message me back. "

DO THIS WITH NO WARNING TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR TO THIS GUY. WHY??? Because if you give them warning, they will get their stories straight and make YOU out to be the crazy one.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Your gf would be with him if she could. She's told you as much. She worded it as saying, it isn't cheating because doesnt chase her too, but what she ment was she was more than willing if he would give her a chance.

You can't force someone to make you their first choice. He is her first choice, you are what's available.

Are you will to accept bring second choice?

What will happen when he and his gf breakup?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Yea you are wasting your time with her, she is just not that into you (to say the least).

Cut bait and find someone that has some morals.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

She explicitely made it clear for you that she has feelings for him.
What more do you want from her and this relationship?
She will cheat on you with him at any given chance. If you let this slide, I'm afraid we'll see you soon again with another thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

As they say over on reddit: never make someone a priority who makes you and option

She's chasing a guy she can't have, and tossing aside the one she's got.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Why are you wasting your life on this woman ?? You have a future that you have been putting off for her and she is now paying you in kind.

DUDE, you gave her 7 yrs !!! How many more will you waste on this cheater. 
You should be THANKING your lucky stars for giving you this chance to save you yrs of grief.
There is no saving this !! If she will do this several times before marriage, what will she do once she have kids from you.
OR will you know they are yours??
See where I'm going?? Is this the future you want. Not even knowing if her kids are yours.

You seem like a forward thinking guy. So PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZ look forward to what marriage to her will be like.


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