# How can she go without it?



## dignityinshambles (Apr 27, 2012)

Obvioiusly sexually frustrated today - my 2nd post.

We have sex very infrequently - down to about 1X per month. I have become a 17 year old again - self love at every turn. And, I am still going crazy not getting it from her.

Her, on the other hand, doesn't seem to need it. I am very confident she is not cheating. I am almost positive she is not taking care of herself and she used to (as recently as a couple years ago when we were getting along) have a pretty high libido.

Then, how on earth, is she not also going crazy and trying to jump me?


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

For the life of me I can't find the quote, but someone said not having sex was like not having sugar: once you get used to the taste not being there, you don't miss it.

Which is not entirely encouraging


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> For the life of me I can't find the quote, but someone said not having sex was like not having sugar: once you get used to the taste not being there, you don't miss it.
> 
> Which is not entirely encouraging


I (was) a very high drive woman. The first few months of not getting any are agony.. and then it DID just go away.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

dignityinshambles said:


> Her, on the other hand, doesn't seem to need it. I am very confident she is not cheating.


my exw also went about once per month, usually at her period.

i also thought this same thing same as you.

i also found out she had many affairs during these 'slow' years.
i guess they wouldnt do aher at he rperoiod so thats when i goit stiuck with it :/


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I've been HD most of my life, the only time I was LD I was (lasted about 3-4 yrs) going through hormone treatment, pregnant or breastfeeding. I never wanted sex and never thought of it..was a drag.
Mine was all hormonal...could this be the case for your W? Because that can be treated usually.

I don't recognise myself from that time and my H has told me it was hell. I so appreciate that he hung in there with me.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Women are also different in their expression of sexual frustration it seems like. Like if I don't get good sex for three days, I basically become a nun and stop giving a crap about sex until it happens again and would rather simply not have sex than have bad sex.


I feel the same way except I still masterbate. I have a hard time believing the wife doesn't do it too. Just cause you haven't caught her doesn't mean she doesn't do it. I'm sure she gets alone time in the shower. Either way if she does or doesn't I agree it's BS for to neglect your needs.


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## dignityinshambles (Apr 27, 2012)

Frenchfry - it is resentments - some valid, and some not. I am working hard on my side of street. How can that turn if off for a woman?

Dean - no lack of swinging here. I ask every night. She says that feels like pressure to her. She wants it to happen naturally. That is going to happen because we sleep in separate rooms, and I go to bed earlier than her. And, she never, I mean never initiates it.

MrsOldNews - I just dont think she does it - we do shower shifts and she sleeps with her door open, so, no privacy. I wish I could watch her do it. That would be such a turn-on.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Women's sex drives aren't driven by testoterone, period.


Is this something new? I'm honestly curious because the clinical literature I've read states that testosterone strongly affects libido in both sexes. 

For example, the reason given for why a woman's sex drive can spike right before or during menopause is because estrogen levels drop while the ovaries are still producing testosterone.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Testosterone doesn't universally affect women's sex drives. With my wife it didn't, but in many other women it has.

It's not known exactly why it does/doesn't... but it's worth trying.

Not sure if it was mentioned in your other thread, but have you tried seeing a sex therapist?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

dignityinshambles said:


> Obvioiusly sexually frustrated today - my 2nd post.
> 
> We have sex very infrequently - down to about 1X per month. I have become a 17 year old again - self love at every turn. And, I am still going crazy not getting it from her.
> 
> ...


I used to wonder the exact thing. Despite all the stuff my x and I could talk about that might be the cause of a low drive, I wondered, how does a human body just go on, and on, and on, and on, and not desire sex. I always knew men and women were different, but this site has taught me they are more different than I ever imagined. If I had come her 4 or 5 years before my divorce, maybe i could have known what to do to save my marriage.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Some folks just don't seem to care a whit for sex. I get that. I don't understand how someone could watch their husband or wife suffer for months or years on end and not even slightly care. If I were that empty and cruel, I'd eat my pistol. If you were captured by terrorists, even the most sadistic would give you some water. I don't understand how someone could knowingly deprive their partner of the most basic human needs. There absolutely must be an extra special corner in hell waiting.


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## dignityinshambles (Apr 27, 2012)

Frenchfry - spouse and I had a good talk today and she it EXACTLY where you described. It sounds like you have been there. And, I am starting to understand how we are so differently in what drives our desire for sex.

I am definitely working on me (lots to do). Here is my worry - she is past the point of no return. When I ask her if she is (in the most subtle way I can), I hear "I don't know". As I am getting older, the fearful part of me, says screw it - go find someone who is interested in me before it is too late and dont waste any more time. Thoughts?

This board is so good for me. I feel at peace and not alone.

Thanks.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I heard it all for twenty years and three months. My ex went from wanting it seven days a week to complaining if approached even once a month. She bore two children during that time, each belonging to different guys, unbeknownst to me.
I'd be doing some investigating if I were you and quit making excuses for her because she can't care any less than she does about your needs.


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