# Temporary Orders Nervous



## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

So tomorrow is the day to actually go to court for temporary orders. I filed in November and nearly 4 months later I finally get a court date to get TEMPORARY orders in place. In that time my ex has secured a place to live (one bedroom only) and MAY have just gotten a job starting next week. I know he hasn't completed the parenting course we are required to take. And he claims not to have recieved notice from the court about tomorrow and wants to file an extension. I have filled out a proposed parenting plan. How do I ask for child support? And what about taxes? I have no attorney so input would be greatly appreciated.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

@Erudite 
I read through your backstory.

Unfortunatley I don’t have any legal advice, I’m sure others will be along to help with that.

I just wanted to say how brave and strong you are being through this. Your SBXH sounds like a grade A loser and you’ve done what you had to do to protect your family. Bravo, well done! You’re almost there.

I wish I had legal advice to share to help you but I don’t

Best of luck to you tomorrow.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Erudite said:


> So tomorrow is the day to actually go to court for temporary orders. I filed in November and nearly 4 months later I finally get a court date to get TEMPORARY orders in place. In that time my ex has secured a place to live (one bedroom only) and MAY have just gotten a job starting next week. I know he hasn't completed the parenting course we are required to take. And he claims not to have recieved notice from the court about tomorrow and wants to file an extension. I have filled out a proposed parenting plan. How do I ask for child support? And what about taxes? I have no attorney so input would be greatly appreciated.


If you're going to court you'll be in front of a judge and you address those concerns.. you may want to call the court clerk ahead of time and just let them know those are a couple of things you will be wanting to address. You just look up the specific Court whatever the number and municipality is and then look for court clerk and they will have a phone number and then the court clerk has the ear of the judge.

If he doesn't have someone to file an extension for him then I wouldn't worry about it and I would just take care of what you're there to take care of. It sounds like he's just dropping the ball and dragging his feet. Don't let that stop you from sharing custody though because just because someone is reluctant doesn't mean you should have to do it all.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

I just finished. It wasn't so bad. He did not fight me on much actually. The judge was nice. He could not compute financial support because ex did not file a financial affidavit. He has 2 weeks to file it. I will get something but I am sure it is a pittance. It was just really hard being in the same room with him.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

You went and you stood up for yourself! You did great!!!

The goal wasn’t “get every red cent.” The goal was to be brave, and to let a judge decide what’s fair and how to enforce it.

Good job!


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

I definately didn't get every red cent but I did clarify pick/drop times and every other week visitation. I think he didn't fight me so much as we are going to mediation. 

I don't feel like I did a good job. Seeing him made me feel like a failure.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Erudite said:


> I definately didn't get every red cent but I did clarify pick/drop times and every other week visitation. I think he didn't fight me so much as we are going to mediation.
> 
> I don't feel like I did a good job. Seeing him made me feel like a failure.


Don't let him control how you feel. Don't give him that power.

You've done a great job of separating yourself from him, keep that going and don't let him make you feel _anything_ about yourself. He's not worth it.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Erudite said:


> …
> 
> I don't feel like I did a good job. Seeing him made me feel like a failure.


@Erudite,

Remember that feelings change easily—they aren’t solid and consistent. They change with the time of month, if you’re hungry, if you’re tired, if your hormones change… feelings come and go.

You made a life decision based on FACTS and facts are solid and don’t change. Facts don’t change with the wind.

Your feeling like a failure will pass. You saved yourself and your children from emotional harm. That’s a success.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Erudite said:


> I just finished. It wasn't so bad. He did not fight me on much actually. The judge was nice. He could not compute financial support because ex did not file a financial affidavit. He has 2 weeks to file it. I will get something but I am sure it is a pittance. It was just really hard being in the same room with him.


Child support is a guideline that is determined based on a number of things such as what each parent makes, custody arrangements, which parent will be covering insurance, etc. Just take care of you and your court dates, it's not on you if he fails to show.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Isn't it amazing that now that you've stopped enabling him he's starting to get on his feet?


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> Isn't it amazing that now that you've stopped enabling him he's starting to get on his feet?


Too little too late. When he is good, he is very very good. But when he is bad, he is very very bad. The judge says that final orders won't come down til June. Seems a long way off.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

Affaircare said:


> @Erudite,
> 
> Remember that feelings change easily—they aren’t solid and consistent. They change with the time of month, if you’re hungry, if you’re tired, if your hormones change… feelings come and go.
> 
> ...


I hope so. Spring is in the air. This is one more step closer to freedom. Hopefully next time I won'f be a nervous wreck.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Erudite said:


> Too little too late. When he is good, he is very very good. But when he is bad, he is very very bad. The judge says that final orders won't come down til June. Seems a long way off.


Absolutely. I wasn't suggesting you take him back...it's clear that your dynamic is toxic.

I was just observing that he is in fact capable of getting himself together so you needn't spend your energy worrying about him.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> Absolutely. I wasn't suggesting you take him back...it's clear that your dynamic is toxic.
> 
> I was just observing that he is in fact capable of getting himself together so you needn't spend your energy worrying about him.


We stopped to talk after the hearing and he brought up that he still loves me and when things get settled "down the road" that maybe we could fix things. So maybe that's why I read your post that way. _shrug_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Erudite said:


> We stopped to talk after the hearing and he brought up that he still loves me and when things get settled "down the road" that maybe we could fix things. So maybe that's why I read your post that way. _shrug_


I suppose anything is possible but I would think you'd need him to be self sufficient for a couple of years, then you could think about it if you're still interested.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Erudite said:


> We stopped to talk after the hearing and he brought up that he still loves me and when things get settled "down the road" that maybe we could fix things. So maybe that's why I read your post that way. _shrug_


Let me mansplain what he said.

"He still loves me"- this is all your fault, I would have never divorced you or hurt you. I hope you feel guilty.

"things get settled down the road"- and you wake the hell up and realize you have been a fool.

"maybe we could fix things"- once you realize I was the best thing that ever happened to you and you beg me to take you back, if you're lucky I may consider it.

Mansplaining lesson over.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

Cooper said:


> Let me mansplain what he said.
> 
> "He still loves me"- this is all your fault, I would have never divorced you or hurt you. I hope you feel guilty.
> 
> ...


You know, you're not too far off I think.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> I suppose anything is possible but I would think you'd need him to be self sufficient for a couple of years, then you could think about it if you're still interested.


I would have to have zero self esteem if I considered it a few years from now 🤪


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Erudite said:


> I would have to have zero self esteem if I considered it a few years from now 🤪


Thank goodness!
I mean... that you know this now!


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