# In shock!!!



## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

Hello everyone. This is my first post and im sure there will be more. Im sure that my story is similar to most so i will keep it short as possible. About a month ago i found some texts on my wifes phone. I maybe couldve handled it differently but not at that time. So about a week later she moved out with all her belongings. She told me that i depresse her when she is around me and that of course she is unhappy. So since she has been gone i have found alot more stuff. I was able to get access to her facebook and found that she had been talking to a coworker of hers. Yes the same one from the texts but she lied to me about who the texts were. It was some nasty stuff on her facebook and that hurt really bad. So im not sure what to do anymore. She is in that fog and will not listen to anyone. When this first started i told myself i wouldnt give up on our family. We have three beautiful daughters. But as time goes on the more i adjust.

I found out that her coworker is married as well and he left his wife about a week prior to my wife leaving me. So that had some kind of a set up going there. I just cant believe how two people could doe this. My biggest question is how long could this relationship last. I mean they have to be the dumbest people. They are coworkers and then they spend all weekend together while i sit here and watch our kids. That is fine though cause i would rather spend time with my kids. My mom had talked to her recently and she opened up to her abit saying that she just felt useless and didnt feel like anybody. I think that this guy came in at just the right time when my wife was going through this depression. Told her a bunch of crap. 

Ive always thought that i was a decent husband. I go to work everyday, cook, clean, laundry, change diapers, give my wife attention, i even give her foot massages. I dont know. I guess my biggest question is how long could this relationship last between them. I wouldnt think very long. Well any advice would be appreciated. I thank you all and god bless.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am so very sorry. Sadly I know exactly how you feel.

Have you heard of the 180? If she comes out of her fog and truly wants to reconcile, will you want to? Have you looked into IC? Whether you're a good husband or not has nothing to do with it. She chose to cheat. If you want to work on your marriage with her after what she's done, then do the 180 and see if she comes out of the fog and does what she needs to do. You don't need to make any decisions right now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

donie said:


> About a month ago i found some texts on my wifes phone. I maybe couldve handled it differently but not at that time. So about a week later she moved out with all her belongings.


Please elaborate on what you found on the phone, on Fcebook and what you did about "handling it" and more about when/why she moved out. Seems you left a lot out in those three sentences.

You NEED to tell the guy's wife about this. Absolutely. Do it without telling your wife or the other man beforehand. 

CLick on my "exposure letter" thing at the bottom of this and go to the 1st page of that thread for the exposure. if you can find his wife on Facebook, awesome--tell her. 

Re: how long can they last? They could last a long time, they could last for no time. There is no way to tell.

The one thing you should do is NOT beg/plead/cry for her to come home. AT ALL. It will make her lose more respect for you if she sees you as a sulky desperate man who can't live w/o her (no woman likes a guy who seems desperate).

But please fill us in on the other stuff so we can help you/advise better.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

donie said:


> Hello everyone. This is my first post and im sure there will be more. Im sure that my story is similar to most so i will keep it short as possible. About a month ago i found some texts on my wifes phone. I maybe couldve handled it differently but not at that time. So about a week later she moved out with all her belongings. She told me that i depresse her when she is around me and that of course she is unhappy. So since she has been gone i have found alot more stuff. I was able to get access to her facebook and found that she had been talking to a coworker of hers. Yes the same one from the texts but she lied to me about who the texts were. It was some nasty stuff on her facebook and that hurt really bad. So im not sure what to do anymore. She is in that fog and will not listen to anyone. When this first started i told myself i wouldnt give up on our family. We have three beautiful daughters. But as time goes on the more i adjust.
> 
> I found out that her coworker is married as well and he left his wife about a week prior to my wife leaving me. So that had some kind of a set up going there. I just cant believe how two people could doe this. My biggest question is how long could this relationship last. I mean they have to be the dumbest people. They are coworkers and then they spend all weekend together while i sit here and watch our kids. That is fine though cause i would rather spend time with my kids. My mom had talked to her recently and she opened up to her abit saying that she just felt useless and didnt feel like anybody. I think that this guy came in at just the right time when my wife was going through this depression. Told her a bunch of crap.
> 
> * Ive always thought that i was a decent husband. I go to work everyday, cook, clean, laundry, change diapers, give my wife attention, i even give her foot massages.* I dont know. I guess my biggest question is how long could this relationship last between them. I wouldnt think very long. Well any advice would be appreciated. I thank you all and god bless.


You are a Nice Guy.

How much time do you guys spend together? How has your sex life been?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

They both chose their fantasy life over reality. You did nothing wrong that I can see from what you posted. My wife did nothing wrong and I had an EA which she learned about via my phone as well. I immediately made my decision to stay with her, and not pursue a fantasy.

Depression can open doors for others.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Shouldn't the real question be "what do you want"? Who cares how long her relationship lasts, if you no longer want to be married to her? You need to put yourself in the drivers seat.

In answer to your question though, who knows? It could be over quickly, or they could grow old together. Most affair couples don't last, from the research I've seen. Reality is not a friend to the relationship. And there's an expression... If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you. Gender non specific, of course... 

My advice... Decide what you want to do, and start making steps towards that goal. If you post that goal here, you may get some useful advice.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

Ok. I do not know what the 180 is. Im not sure if i would want to reconcile or not. I guess it depends on what i am feeling when/if she does come back around. On her phone the texts were i love you and i love you too. Calling each other boyfriend girlfriend. It is kinda hard for me to remember exactly what the texts were cause i was still halfway asleep. I just seen that and kinda lost it. I went in the room cause she was sleeping threw the phone down and began cussing her out i guess. I lost it for a minute dont remember much. Then went to work. The facebook i could only read a couple and it hurt to bad to read anymore. They were still calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. Than he said that he was horny and yada yada. Then she replied what would you like me to do about it. One other one was he asked her why she didnt want to **** him in some room while they were at work. It is kinda childesh i suppose. I know i left alot out but there is just so much. As far as begging and that. At first i was but lately i really havent contacted her. She has tried contacting me a couple times but i never reply back. I kinda figured if i do that then maybe she will start to miss me. Not if that is a good idea or not.


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

We do not get to spend alot of time together. Im sure that may have been a factor as well. Our sex life was wonderful. Everything was wonderful i thought until i found the texts. So i dont know. I agree PBear. I just have so many mixed emotions right now that i dont know if i should give some more time to clear my head. She has not shown any kind of sign that she even wants to come home.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PBear said:


> And there's an expression... If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you. *Gender non specific, of cour*se...


Nice save


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Click on the links "Just Let Them Go" and "The 180 degrees rules" below, read them, and implement them. They are designed to help you become emotionally stronger so that you can move on with your life with or without your wife.

As a survivor of marital betrayal, I can tell you that YOU WILL MAKE IT. Bank on it.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

HerToo said:


> *They both chose their fantasy life over reality*. You did nothing wrong that I can see from what you posted. My wife did nothing wrong and I had an EA which she learned about via my phone as well. I immediately made my decision to stay with her, and not pursue a fantasy.
> 
> Depression can open doors for others.


I understand about both living a fantasy, the thing about the loyal spouse though, now matter how much of a "nice guy" world they live in, it atleast involves a version of their actual spouse.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

1. You need to get checked for STD's
2. You need to contact the OM's wife and compare notes
3. You need to contact an attorney immediately
4. You need to file for full custody of the children and divorce.
5. Your wife has abandoned your marriage and family to live with her lover. Tell this to your attorney immediately.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Listen to Bryan, get tested. In fact tell her you are getting tested. Get the attorney, cut off all finances, bank accounts, credit cards. And file for divorce. Why? Two reasons. Once you file she can no longer incur debt in your name. The second reason is this will be a slap in her face. It says "I respect myself, and will not be made a cuckold". You also need to out the affair to all friends and family. Then you do the 180. You do not talk to her. You have some one be the intermediary, possibly a family member. Text her only for children, and financial reasons. You need to remove any support you give her. Anything less and she will keep you as second choice and for the bank account and baby sitter. While she is going heals up with the scumbag she's living with. Also you need to get a VAR voice activated recorder, and keep it on you when you have any conversations with her. The skank may call the cops on you and get an RO put out on you. Once you are neatly in jail or cannot come within 50' of her or the kids, she moves the POSOM in. Also take good notes of her coming and going with the kids. You may need it when custody comes up.

P.S. If you think that I am blowing smoke up your kilt. Go to Marriage builders. When you get there go down to "Surviving the Affair". When you get on the thread, look for PSUBIKER. Read his whole story and see what a wayward wife is capable of. You better get serious real quick, because she's got an exit plan, and it involves her with custody and you paying through the nose.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You shouldn't be focusing solely on the sex life---mge., is made up of EVERYTHING, and it is hard-----

I don't know how long you were married, but as the mge., gets older, things become boring, same old, stale---and that is where the married partners, have to do what is necessary to spice things up, and keep things interesting

Your wife knows no REALITY, with her lover---she knows only whispered nothings, hot passion, infatuation, and the thrill of sneaking around and doing something illicit

When it comes time to pay bills, go thru emergencies, deal with problems, general living together, things will change real fast ---97 % of affair hook-ups FAIL

Do not go after her, do the 180, and do it strong---leave her alone---she will wake up soon enuff

One thing you do need to do---since she is still married to you, and owns part of everything, if she wants to maintain her fair share---she MUST pay her half of the mtg., the utilities, the upkeep for the kids, the insurances, all of them, the car payments----do not let her off the hook on any of it---if she won't pay then tell her you want that in writing so you can keep all of that property, as your seperate property---cut out joint credit cards, put bank acct. in your name only


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

Thanks for all the advice. I will do all that you guys have mentioned. I think that she does think i will just sit here and wait for her cause the first couple days i was going after her. I will read up on the 180 and see what that is all about. I just dont see why people throw something good away. Human nature i guess. I did contact the OM wife and i found some lies that my wife had told me. I tried contacting her a few days later and she said that she didnt want to talk to me anymore. Not sure if it was to hard for her to hear the truth or what. I really appreciate all the advice. I will definatly seek an attorney. Any one know about getting full custody through an affair. I live in texas. How good my chances would be.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

you will find the 180 works very well---it is meant to show her you can stand on your own 2 feet, and alone if necessary.

Go to google, and type in texas family codes---you will find out everything there is about anything to do with family---you will actually know what any atty. knows

Make sure you send your wife the bills, and demand she pay her half---send the bills in a package, by registered mail----let all the companies, who need to be paid---know she is now responsible for half, and tell them to bill her for half----you pay by check so you have a paper trail, as to what you are paying

Nail her hard, don't just let her slide out the door, with no consequences---she wants reality, and life---give it to her


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

*One other one was he asked her why she didnt want to **** him in some room while they were at work*

This is a co-worker asking for sex in a office at work!!! Hit print page on that FB comment and go to their bosses and expose!!!


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

WW moved out to live with OM. You have no choice but proceed with D. Find lawyer and start the paperwork. If you just wait, she may or may not come back eventually, but even if she does, God knows how long. It just isn't worth it at this point. She is a gonner. The wife you used to know is dead. I am sorry.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

donie said:


> Thanks for all the advice. I will do all that you guys have mentioned. I think that she does think i will just sit here and wait for her cause the first couple days i was going after her. I will read up on the 180 and see what that is all about. I just dont see why people throw something good away. Human nature i guess. I did contact the OM wife and i found some lies that my wife had told me. I tried contacting her a few days later and she said that she didnt want to talk to me anymore. Not sure if it was to hard for her to hear the truth or what. I really appreciate all the advice. I will definatly seek an attorney. Any one know about getting full custody through an affair. I live in texas. How good my chances would be.



You're in Texas, an At Fault state, so you can present your proof of adultery if you've saved them.
She left the house to live with OM. This is abandonment of the marriage and the children - VERY good ammunition to use in court for getting full custody!
Have good friends sign an affidavit describing how you take care of the children's needs, the housework, and financial support

As for how long will their affair last? like jnj said, 97% of relationships borne of affairs fail. So they have an extremely small chance of making it, and most OM end up going back to their wives. Now their affair becomes just another relationship - built on the lies that they told everyone. Its a fantasy right now, because all they see of each is their good side, and the sex is hot because of the taboo/illicit nature of it. Now they get to wake up every morning and see all the faults of the other person that they never saw before, the daily grind of paying bills, juggling the children, etc. In other words, REALITY hits them.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

donie said:


> Thanks for all the advice. I will do all that you guys have mentioned. I think that she does think i will just sit here and wait for her cause the first couple days i was going after her. I will read up on the 180 and see what that is all about. I just dont see why people throw something good away. Human nature i guess. I did contact the OM wife and i found some lies that my wife had told me. I tried contacting her a few days later and she said that she didnt want to talk to me anymore. Not sure if it was to hard for her to hear the truth or what. I really appreciate all the advice. I will definatly seek an attorney. Any one know about getting full custody through an affair. I live in texas. How good my chances would be.


If she has left the marital home and her children, your chances are excellent for full custody, you just have to file ASAP with those circumstances. You can also get temp child support from her, until the divorce makes it way through the system. When my husband up and left several years ago, moving to his own apartment while I was at work, I consulted an attorney the next day and she wanted to file the paperwork then and there... We are in TN though, but she told me that we can get temporary support (within 2 weeks of that day). She also told me that with the temp order in place, the outcome of the actual divorce weighs heavily on that original temporary order. 

You may want her back, you may not, but either way this protects your future interests. You can still focus on repairing your marriage should you choose to do so in the future. But at least your children, your home, your financial interests are preserved for the time being. Good luck to you!

P.S... Someone mentioned her perhaps trying to get a restraining order... Please read that, as it's spoken for truth! My H did that as well, when I chose NOT to take the original attorney advice, within 4 months of our first reconcile, I was slapped with a RO and kicked out of my own house with HIM fighting for full custody and support. He turned it around after I told him what I was going to be able to do that first time.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

And, dont let her move back into the house!

For whatever reason.

If you will be thinking of reconcile, do that without her back in the house.

Get those divorce paperwork done now. Go for full custody immediately. Seek spousal support for your kids and you.

Again, dont let her back into the house. Change your locks now.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I hope you outted her to everyone. Friends, family....

You deserved the truth and so do they. Good job on contacting the OMW! How helpful and responsive was she?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

aug said:


> And, dont let her move back into the house!
> 
> For whatever reason.
> 
> ...


Again, IF you do want to think about reconciliation, fine, but you can do all that while still filing for D and with her remaining out of the marital home. 

In my case, my H and I had eventually drawn up separation paperwork on our own, agreeing for me having primary custody and X amount of support per month. He agreed to it and signed amongst ourselves. Once he realized the financial dilemma he was getting himself into with this agreement, he slithered his way back into the home, only to keep doing what he had been doing all along behind my back. I understandably blew up a few months later only to be arrested for DV and banned from my own home. He took out an Order of Protection against himself and the kids, he got full temp custody (eventually going to be permanent because now my 100 lb self had a DV charge to boot), AND I was stuck paying all marital bills (CC, daycare, utilities, etc) and my visitation with the children had to be supervised. The kicker, his deception in our marriage didn't mean a damn thing to the courts because I agreed to let him back in the home and try to reconcile. I had basically forgiven him in the courts eyes and it could no longer be used against him in our D case  Thus I just looked like a nut case to them. 

Maybe TMI, guess I just wanted to stress that even if you want your marriage to work, just be careful of her intentions if she chooses to "work" on the marriage as well with offering to move back in. Sorry you are going through this.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Since she is currently in a fog and won’t listen to reason (they NEVER do) don’t waste your breath on her. Only talk about separation things, ignore anything personal or relationship related. She is going down a road that will not have the happy ending she thinks. She is going to find out the hard way and you have to let her. Trying to stop her will just make her rebel against you.

Tell her you want a divorce and then go dark and let her miss you for a while. There’s no future with the OM (both are in rebound relationships with each other plus there’s a good chance the OM may try to go back to his BS later).

When my W moved out, she moved in with the OM after 6 weeks and came crawling back after a couple of months. Our home life was much like you describe so I’m betting once your wife starts missing it (and she will, the OM isn’t you) she'll come snooping. You’ll have to decide at that point if you want her back.

Give it a good 3 months of NC (or ignore her as much as possible) and file for a D to show you ain’t waiting on her and she’ll come around again. They always do.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Donie, so sorry you are hear, but be assured you are blessed to have found this place. I could have written your post for you as it sounds almost exactly like my story. As to how long they will be together no one knows, for me they have been together 90 some days and look to be doing fine, but looks can be deceiving. What you need to know now is you cannot worry about her, as you cannot control her or her actions. She is probably so screwed up (no probablies) she doesnt even know. What you need to do is take care of yourself and your children. Give them the best dad that you can. So, start eating right, start excercising, and turn off that tv. Get some sleep, spend time with your friends. She may or may not come back, if she comes back it might be awhile. So start living for yourself, take care of yourself, love those kids like nobodys business. Read and learn the 180 and the Just let them go!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

From your other thread she is a serial cheater with a long history. Dude,it's time to go nuclear on her. You need full custody, you need to expose the work affair to their HR and you need shark lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Just read the other thread also.

Do the paternity tests on your daughters.


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

Thanks everyone. I know what is right. I just never thought it would come to this. I talked to her a day or so ago and she was getting a manicure and what not. Im stuck here paying for everything and can barely eat. That really pisses me off. She goes off spending all her money and some how i am stuck with all the bills. I really think it is time to man up and do what is right for the children and myself. Keep them coming cause im getting alot of good advice.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

donie said:


> Thanks everyone. I know what is right. I just never thought it would come to this. I talked to her a day or so ago and she was getting a manicure and what not. Im stuck here paying for everything and can barely eat. That really pisses me off. She goes off spending all her money and some how i am stuck with all the bills. I really think it is time to man up and do what is right for the children and myself. Keep them coming cause im getting alot of good advice.


I haven't read your other thread about the serial part, but if true even more reason. Your feelings for her can be addressed later... FILE for DIVORCE. Best of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

And remember, the 180 is not a ruse to get her back, it is about improving yourself getting your own house in order. It happens to be the best, not guaranteed, but the best chance you have in getting her back. But be prepared to move on without her. The move on without her was the hardest thing for me to take when it was first said to me, and the very LAST thing I wanted. But I prepared for not being together, and glad that I did as it appears that is how it will be for me. But it doesnt end my life because I prepared and am preparing for it. Good luck, post often if you have any questions, lots of good people with good insight here.


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

Hey all. It's been awhile since I have posted anything. I was going to file for divorce in Texas but with much consideration I have decided to wait. All my family and friends live in Arizona. I took the children and moved back to Arizona. We have been here for a month. The kids as well as myself are doing so much better and its amazing how much support I am getting here. When I left I thought there was going to be a big fight over it but she didn't put up much of a fight at all. She seems to be getting deeper and deeper in the affair. Not sure if she will turn it around it not. Hell she is choosing OM over her children. I've heard so many lies and what not she is pretty far out there. As for filing I'm dead set on it. I have to be here in Arizona for three months before I can file. She has giving me nothing to help with the children. She seems to be following in OMs foot steps as far ad her work is. I have been talking to another women but not sure if I am ready for that yet. I know how it is to get hurt and she doesn't deserve that from me. Afraid of her just being a rebound for me and I just can't do that. Just can't believe how screwed up she is. I definately agree when they say an affair is like a drug addict.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

During such breakup, child custody is a huge point of conflict. You should feel lucky that you do not have to worry about that. Once you file for D, she will owe you child support. Make sure that she pays. 

Your W basically abandoned her family and you are in a very strong position legally. As for their relationship, who knows how long it will last. Stats show the odds are really against them. Whatever happens between them is not your concern at this point. She is not your W anymore. Just a despicable adulteress who abandons her own children, that's who she is. 

As for jumping into another relationship, please take it slow. I learned it the hard way. You must heal yourself first, which can take at least a couple years. Before that, do not make any hasty commitment.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Actually file for temporary full custody now, ASAP. Once the judge signs the order it's pretty much permanent. When the divorce becomes final, very few judges will overturn the temporary custody order. In addition, with the child custody order, she will have to pay child support even before the divorce proceedings are over.

If you don't file for full custody now, when she gets served with the divorce petition, her lawyer may advise her to fight you for them, despite the fact that she abandoned them. And she will realize that she will be obligated for the child support. Do it now before she does.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Actually file for temporary full custody now, ASAP. Once the judge signs the order it's pretty much permanent. When the divorce becomes final, very few judges will overturn the temporary custody order. In addition, with the child custody order, she will have to pay child support even before the divorce proceedings are over.
> 
> If you don't file for full custody now, when she gets served with the divorce petition, her lawyer may advise her to fight you for them, despite the fact that she abandoned them. And she will realize that she will be obligated for the child support. Do it now before she does.


Way to go, Lordmayhem !!! It's always good to have a lawyer in the family.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Actually my buddy is going through the same thing, and has a shark for a lawyer, so I got it from going to his meetings with his lawyer.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

donie said:


> Afraid of her just being a rebound for me and I just can't do that.


This is one reason why relationships based on affairs fail, they are technically rebound relationships from their marriages.

There's nothing wrong with talking to another woman, just don't take it too seriously and have fun. 



> Just can't believe how screwed up she is. I definately agree when they say an affair is like a drug addict.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is but eventually it does burn out. She is still in the honeymoon stage but that tends to end around the 3-6 month mark in most cases (up to 2 years though). Affairs are based ONLY on the honeymoon stage and almost never survive once the "honeymoon" is over.

Considering how she just gave up you and the kids without a thought then you should not even think about an R. She is a narcissist and will always put her wants ahead of her family which makes her a terrible mother. You need to find someone else.


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

I agree with lordmayhem as well. Someone also gave me the idea of a temporary gaurdianship to a family member. Just incase she thinks she will come and take the kids before divorce papers are filed. I think the better way would just have temporary custody. There's no way that she would be able to take care of them anyways with her only making 800 dollars a month. It just really worries me that some how she will get the children and I know that with me they are stable, safe, around really good people, and I can provide for them. She WAS a really good mother and this shows how bad an affair can mess someone up. Everyone tells me that I shouldn't worry but I do. I do believe that I've done the right thing. I do feel that I'm becoming the father that I've always wanted to be. As far as the wife I haven't talked to her in anyway for almost two months. The NC has helped me so much. I don't have to worry about her or try and figure out what I did wrong for her to do something like this. We all know she is to blame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Onedery (Sep 22, 2011)

Donnie. The only thing you can be sure of is that our marriage is over regardless of whether or not you try for reconciliation. 
At the same time, it's important to get with an attorney and find out if you can trust HIM. Nothing is certain in the court systems these days and things can easily get turned around against the harmed party should the judge turn out to be in collusion with one or both lawyers and your cheating ex can offer physical persuasion to bring the judge "on board".
I lost everything we accumulated due to MY efforts over twenty years, but still feel I came out ahead by not having to provide for the skank for another day.


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

What should I look for un a good attorney? I've never had to hire one for anything. Is there anything particular I should look for when hiring one?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You want the attorney that screwed over other people in a dvorce. Ask around.

This is because you want him working for you, and not working for your spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> she was getting a manicure and what not.


Did you ask her if she wanted some tea and crumpetes to go with that manicure. Unbelievable how far their(WS) heads are up their asses.


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

Haha. I should have asked her. I am curious about something. She seems to have a lot of anger. Not just towards me but my family as well. Is this normal with WS? I know she has a lot of guilt because when I was still in Texas she said she didn't want to see me. Like she was doing a 180 on me or something. The couple times I did see her she wouldn't look me in the eyes. But why dies she have so much anger towards me? I'm the one that should have all the anger. Is this normal with waywards?
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Yes it is. Their anger is a coping mechanism that prevents them from facing what they have done to their betrayed spouses, their families and to themselves.


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

Morituri thanks for the answer. I was thinking it was but she seems to be pretty angry so I wasn't sure. I just don't understand why she has to be nasty towards my family. She can be mad at me for whatever she has put in her wayward head that I've done to her. Why does she have to be that way to my parents, sisters, and brothers. I have been respectful towards her family. At radioclash I am doing plan b right now. But doesn't seem to have any effect yet. That is one thing that sucks is hearing her on the phone talking to the kids. She seems as happy as can be. Then I'm over here hurting, trying to figure out what happened to our marriage. At michzz. I did look into that. But where ever I am and I'm taking care of them on my own with no support from her. I have housing for them. I have insurance for them. I can afford appropriate babysitting for them. I can provide a really good environment for them. Can she do any of this. Nope. I feel pretty confident in what will happen.
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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

donie said:


> That is one thing that sucks is hearing her on the phone talking to the kids. She seems as happy as can be. Then I'm over here hurting, trying to figure out what happened to our marriage.


A few thoughts about this.

One, her "acting" happy is most likely just an act. They don't want to admit they are ever unhappy or made a mistake so they always try to appear that things are great even if they are not. My W did the same thing and admitted as such after the fact.

Don't believe what you hear and only half of what you see. 

Two, you need to do the same thing. When she has any interaction with you or with someone that sees you, you have to give the impression that you are happy without her. Her ego will have a hard time dealing with you no longer needing her even if she says she doesn't need you.

Three, lets assume she is happy, then you get angry. Why should she be happy when you have to suffer? Screw her, you let it be known you can find someone else, someone who has morals and isn't a sociopath.


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

My WW just text me. I don't know why she is texting me. She knows not to. She asked for my physical address and asked if she could have the kids for Xmas. What do you think she would want my address for? I'm sure she is Upto something that's not good. About the kids, I don't know how she expects to see them. She has no money and a piece of Crap car. How should I go about doing this?
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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

donie said:


> My WW just text me. I don't know why she is texting me. She knows not to. She asked for my physical address and asked if she could have the kids for Xmas. What do you think she would want my address for? I'm sure she is Upto something that's not good. About the kids, I don't know how she expects to see them. She has no money and a piece of Crap car. How should I go about doing this?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Be very and I mean very careful with giving your address to her, and allowing her to see the kids alone. She may make an attempt to take them from you since you don't have the custody thing straightened out. During my parents seperation, my dad came at x-mas, and said he was taking me out shopping. 8 months later my mom finally got me back, he had kidnapped me, and with no agreement.....nothing she could do.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Ok, I might have missed some part of the thread but did the OM dump her?


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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

That's what I'm what I'm worried about. She doesn't need to bring these children into her bull****. At the same time I don't want it to seem like I'm keeping them from her. No he hasn't. As far as I know. Last I heard they were still together. I personally believe that when it dies end she will want to come back. She has never been alone and we all know that it sucks.
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## donie (Oct 12, 2011)

Hi all again. I am in a little trouble. I'm having a good time with my life. I'm doing many activities. Keeping my mind busy. I have a friend who I went to school with. She is going through the same situation I am. She wanted to take a friend that she has out on a date. Now I was pretty skeptical about it cause of all the emotions I'm going through right now. I thought about it and figured what the heck. I just won't let it come to anything stupid. So I took her out and of course her physical appearance is everything I look for in a girl. We started talking and had a really great time. I was fine up until I took her home. She invited me in for a few minutes. Then when I was ready to go I went to give her a little hug. When I went to let go she just held on to me. We were hugging for a good couple minutes. That was the best feeling that I have had in along time. Ever since I cannot stop thinking about her. I've read all about rebound relationships and I promised myself that I would heal myself before moving on. I don't want to hurt anyone because of my dumb emotions that I have right now. She knows of what happened with me. But the feelings I have seem to be almost unbearable. Can anyone give me any advice on how I can keep my emotions in check.
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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

You're going to have to go NC with her in the mean time, but at least explain to her why, that you are starting to have feelings for her and its not right until at least you're divorce is final and you're mentally strong enough. You already know that you're very vulnerable right now. I know, I've been there, and ended up marrying my rebound girl. 

You haven't said if you were going to let her have the kids for X-Mas. Whatever you do, don't do it! Don't give her your address either. Since there is no custody order in place, she has as much right to the kids as you do right now, and possession is nine tenths of the law. You give them to her for X-Mas and you will NOT be getting them back unless there is a custody order saying she has to give them back. *What have you done about this?* Because she may also be attempting to get a temporary custody order for the kids, that may be why she needs your address so she can have you served with the order. She may be getting advice to get custody because she knows she will be liable for child support. Stop delaying on this. Being a nice guy is going to get you screwed over.


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