# Should I tell my friend that his boyfriend has an affair?



## pflaumenkuchen (Aug 9, 2013)

Hello everybody,

I have the following Problem:

We invited my friend and her boyfriend to dinner las weekend. She is a very good friend, we used to hang out a lot.

After dinner his boyfriend asked me to check his emails on my computer and I said "sure".

He went to the computer in the other room. What he did not know is that I always have "Wolfeye Keylogger" installed on my computer, the monitoring software from CNET, that secretely records every password and chat conversation that is typed on my computer.

That is how I was shocked to learn, that he actually did log into Facebook to send a message to a woman. You could learn from the chat history that the woman was someone he is having an affair with.

Now I dont know if I should tell my friend this story. On one hand nobody likes bringing bad messages. Officially I should not know the truth and the method I used to get the information is not ok...

On the other hand I would expect from my friend that she tells me, if she were to know something about my boyfriend.

I dont know what to do, can you give me advice?

Thank you


----------



## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Thats a tough one I would tell the other person or your gf of her cheating bf. If the situation was involving you would you want to be told ?? or would you want to be the last to find out ??


----------



## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Edmund Burke 

You know what to do.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Are you on equal footing with both?
If my good friend was being cheated on, I'd let them know.


----------



## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

In_The_Wind said:


> Thats a tough one I would tell the other person or your gf of her her cheating bf. If the situation was involving you would you want to be told ?? or would you want to be the last to find out ??


I think you could go both ways. If it were me, I would first confort the guy about what you found out. I would say, either you tell her or I will. I would also tell the guy once he has told his GF about the A to have her please you call. She is going to need a friend anyway and this assures that he has spilled his guts about the A.


----------



## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Tomara said:


> I think you could go both ways. If it were me, I would first confort the guy about what you found out. I would say, either you tell her or I will. I would also tell the guy once he has told his GF about the A to have her please you call. She is going to need a friend anyway and this assures that he has spilled his guts about the A.


I disagree with this. You confront the guy all you're doing is giving him a chance to spin his story to the gf, paint you as the bad guy/crazy, and gaslight. Chances are he's not going to confess and even if he does, he's just going to give her trickle truth, half truths, and lies by omission. Telling your friend directly is the safer route because you control how she finds out and you'll be assured she knows what you know. You'd have much more to risk/lose by confronting the cheating bf and hoping that he does the decent thing. And if he's willing to cheat on her he's willing to lie to her to cover his own tracks.

Now if you DO tell your friend I recommend you do so with proof in hand and break it to her as gently as possible with no expectations as to how she'll react. It's quite possible she'll lash out at you, much moreso if you don't have concrete evidence when you tell her.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I find it a bit creepy that you went in his page and snooped, but I would tell my friend. For your own sanity stop letting people use your computer or tell them thier info is being recorded.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

First post by this member mentions a specific product and a source to buy it from. Sorry, gotta wonder. Thread reported as possible spam.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

"Do unto others as you would want them to unto you."

If you want her to tell you, then tell her. If not, then don't.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mablenc said:


> I find it a bit creepy that you went in his page and snooped, but I would tell my friend. For your own sanity stop letting people use your computer or tell them thier info is being recorded.


I don't think she signed onto his facebook. Instead her keylogger captured this chats with his affair partner. she looked at her log file and found what was captured.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Thor said:


> First post by this member mentions a specific product and a source to buy it from. Sorry, gotta wonder. Thread reported as possible spam.


Yea makes you wonder.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Good Catch!


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I don't think she signed onto his facebook. Instead her keylogger captured this chats with his affair partner. she looked at her log file and found what was captured.


When she said she saw the chat history, was under the impression she digged deeper. I still think she should warn people before they use her computer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mablenc said:


> When she said she saw the chat history, was under the impression she digger deeper. I still think she should warn people before they use her computer.


Yes she should tell anyone who uses her computer that its bugged.

When my kids were in middle school and high school I had key loggers on their computers. The rule was that if they used their computer for things that they knew we disapproved of they would lose internet privileges. When their friends visited and used their computers I always informed their friends that the computers had key loggers on them. It did not stop some of the kids from doing things that I had told them were not allowed in my house. Since the kids were warned, their parents got copies of their key logger logs. the kids learned to follow my house rules


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mablenc said:


> When she said she saw the chat history, was under the impression she digged deeper. I still think she should warn people before they use her computer.


Many key loggers take screen shots that will show the chat history.


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I agree. However, you take that risk using someone else's computer, don't you? Best not to be texting your AP while you're socializing at someone's house. 

Best not to have an AP, root cause and all...


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> I agree. However, you take that risk using someone else's computer, don't you? Best not to be texting your AP while you're socializing at someone's house.
> 
> Best not to have an AP, root cause and all...


True, guess its kind of lame to use someone computer, which hmm couldn't have he at least texted her, assuming he didn't have a smart phone. Something's a bit off...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mablenc said:


> True, guess its kind of lame to use someone computer, which hmm couldn't have he at least texted her, assuming he didn't have a smart phone. Something's a bit off...


It's very tacky to use a friend's computer to send messages to an affair partner while you are a dinner guest and your wife is sitting in the other room.

This is a very tacky man.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> It's very tacky to use a friend's computer to send messages to an affair partner while you are a dinner guest and your wife is sitting in the other room.
> 
> This is a very tacky man.


Off topic, you need to have a blog I love reading your posts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Back I high school I told my friend I saw her boyfriend at a party with another girl. My friend never spoke to me again.

I was hurt. I always assumed people would want to know. I would want to know.

For years I thought I would never tell anyone again if I was put in that situation but I have since changed my mind. I would tell but know I might lose a friendship.

I would now have my own horror story to tell them first so hopefully they would understand where I was coming from and not shoot the messenger.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If you are afraid of being known as the person who told her, then create a new email account and send her the name of the account he used, plus the password and tell her that she should login and check out his chat history with X.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mablenc said:


> Off topic, you need to have a blog I love reading your posts.


That's flattering. 

I'd love to write a blog is I could think of what to write about... here I can find plenty to write about. 

Thanks for the kind words.


----------

