# Do I miss him, or the idea of him? Divorce emotions?



## Sa55ycla55y (Dec 10, 2013)

I have separated from my husband after 19 years of being together. I have loved him so deeply and worshiped him for a very long time. In the past few years we have grown apart, bring out the very worst in each other, and just really don't seem to like each other. Our marriage is full of resentment, mistrust, and lies that I have been wanting this for years. I have lost respect for him, and never trust what he says. I think we have both just changed so much that we just don't like each other for who we are as people. In fact if I were to meet him today for the first time I would not like him. However, now that this has happened and we are apart I keep having so many up and down emotions. There are times I am so angry I can't stand to even think of him, but other days I miss him so much that I would have taken him back if he tried. I notice that when I am busy or distracted I am completely fine but when I am alone, or starting to feel scared I want him back. He will call and I can't get off the phone fast enough. All I think of when we talk is all the bad. My question is, all the things I am feeling, are they just part of the normal healing process, or should I investigate these feelings further and reconcile? I am not sure I am the kind of person who is capable of forgiveness. I fear that every time we argue or anything happens he will always be the man that hurt me or I dont trust. How do you get past all that when so much damage is done?


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

What part did you play in the dysfunction?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sa55ycla55y (Dec 10, 2013)

We are both to blame for very different reasons. His actions cause me to act and punish him. Its a back and forth thing we do to each other. I dont think all of this is his fault at all but I am not sure if what I feel is normal. Its been so emotional and I have disconnected for so long can I get past it? I have not been the type of person who has been able to let things go. I am forgiving but I never trust you if you let me down, especially if you repeat that behavior. It feels like we have both tried to save the marriage but have never been on the same time scale. I will never forget him asking me during an argument, "Do I do anything right?" I thought nope. Now that was a reaction from anger during an argument but the fact I could not think of what benefit besides a second set of hands with the kids and a paycheck was, bothers me. Should it take so much effort and should I have to actually try to like him in order to be around him? Shouldn't we like each other without having to try? If I am really done, then why do I go back and forth missing him and care what he does with others or when he isn't here?


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Sa55ycla55y said:


> I have not been the type of person who has been able to let things go. I am forgiving but I never trust you if you let me down, especially if you repeat that behavior.


Is there a reason behind this?

Unless you are a robot, the swings of emotions are normal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sa55ycla55y (Dec 10, 2013)

Oh I am sure there is something very screwed up in me somewhere and I'd like to find out why but in the mean time I need to figure out if how I feel is fear or love, etc. I find it very hard to believe someone who lies over and over then asks me to believe them.


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## shooby1213 (Dec 10, 2013)

this is totally normal...


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