# my porn addiction destroying my once perfect relationship



## sanityschaos85 (Oct 2, 2013)

i have been in a relationship with a beautiful woman for 9 months now, her and i were friends through my childs mother at the time .I was severely unhappy my ex was fat,destroyed my property,kept me awake during my sleeping schedule(i work nights),she was a drug addict,she would pawn MY stuff for money for her drugs,would destroy my property,and would verbally and physically abuse me!
My new woman has helped me so much, i appreciate her and her children!I have a daughter of my own that she more then helps me take care of with joint custody awarded to my ex. I have had really bad habits that i tried to conceal but my new partner being a computer whiz has found EVERYTHING!I didnt want to hurt her she has had so many guys do this to her with dating sites, i haven't really been playing on the dating sites some i have tried to close,however i did sign up for a camgirl site while with her and she found out about it ....its since been closed and apologized for! but she found them and made it her obsession to close them for me. i had pictures of a girl she knows that we deleted they were from a few months before we got together but were still in my email and i had older pictures that she just found on my new phone that i thought were long gone i had deleted them off an old phone but transferred my old sd card to the new phone and somehow they got into my new phone.Everytime we get over one thing she finds more to get upset about{and through the years there is more then enough to get upset about}.I have been on dating sites,sex sites,camgirls,porn sites,all kinds of stuff just to look at an attractive girl and get off or look for a better life.I found the better life and have been clean of porn for about three weeks to a month, i promised her. its been hard and i have broken the trust alot, i feel horrible about it ....i hate hurting her but she just keeps looking deeper and deeper how she got the pics i had deleted is beyond me? she did a file dump and bam i am ****ed again i am trying so hard to get straightened out for her and i just keep getting stuff drug up, some updated cause i clicked or something i am bad with computers i just cant explain how i **** up so bad, i feel terrible and i really want to make her happy! 8( I fear as much as i try, more is just gonna get drug up till she leaves. I know alot of you out there are probably saying she should and i welcome you to voice your opinions! If everyone thinks she would be better off then i will show her this and let her make up her mind, but please understand i am really trying and really do care!I hold her and cuddle ,i try to support her financially,i am working out to try to look better for her,i try to clean house more and keep things more picked up.I am a really nice guy and i let some people walk all over me, i dont like conflict but i have a bad habit with the porn addiction from all the years of being alone while my ex did the drugs and being cheated on.....please give me your opinion i dont know what to do....:banghead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I realize you're probably hurting, but if you want to get help, try re-writing your post with sentences and stuff. 

C


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*i had ictures of a girl she knew that we deleted and i had older pictures that she just found on my new phone that i thought were long gone i had deleted them off an old phone but transferred my old sd card to the new phone and somehow they got into my new phone everytime we get over one thing she finds more to get upset about and through the years there is more then enough to get upset about i have been on dating sites,sex sites,camgirls,porn sites,all kinds of stuff just to look at an attractive girl and get off or look for a better life*

The issue I have is not so much the porn, in and of itself, but this.

1. You had a picture of a girl on your phone that your GF knows. Come on man, you don't keep pics by mistake (IMO). Knowing your GF is checking things if I was your GF I would not believe your story.
2. Porn sites. IMO not cheating.
3. Dating sites. Cheating.
4. camgirls. Cheating.

Some women will look at porn as bad. IMO when a person gets involved with a real live person via dating sites, webcam, etc that crosses the line to cheating.

When a person lies it only adds to the breaking up of trust.

I don't really buy the whole notion of sex addiction, per se. There are things I would ask a client to see how bad their usage is, such as, was there money spent, has it caused issues in their work, home life, does it take away from their sleep, does it take away from other activities?

I would say that when there is a flesh and blood person involved then (IMO) it is totally wrong and that is why your GF is upset.


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## sanityschaos85 (Oct 2, 2013)

the pictures were from before we were together and yes you are right about all that. She is trying to drill it in my head and i am trying to get it all cleaned up the dating sites havent been in use but the camgirls were and i really messed up doing that! This is my first "real" and understanding relationship and i have done so much damage already! She found out for me through sources that my ex would sleep around for drugs i think thats why she takes so much mercy...as far as my usage yes money was spent ,i have given up sleep to spend a few hours surfing porn and cam girls in the past.....it has more then dwindled with my new girl when i got with her and has stopped since i made my promise, idont mess with my work cause i dont want to be fired i work in an enviroment of strictly men and try to stay away from the womens section i am really bashful too so its not a prob there


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you are serious about wanting to change for the better, then let her drag everything up. Tell her you want her to. Then install a keylogger on your computer that will email her a report of your activity. Throw out the phone with the crap on it and get another one with a completely new number. DO NOT password protect it, and give it to her to look through whenever she asks.

Also, look up a 12 step group in your area and start attending. There's a listing of them here

12 Step Programs for Sexual Addiction and Love Addicts | Sex Addiction

My husband attends Sex Addicts Anonymous because he was into porn, chats, sex hookup sites and the like for a while in 2009. He also met up with a hooker and set up meetings with people from the hook up sites. If you haven't slid that far down the slope yet, get help now. You can also see a certified sex addiction therapist

Find a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist | Sexual Addiction Therapists


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## sanityschaos85 (Oct 2, 2013)

my phone has never been locked and i have provided her all my info she went as far as to log into my bank statements and check those already keylogger i dont know she is able to pull up history even if its been deleted as i said she is very tech savy.....my phone was clean i think it had to be the sd or something none of those pics were on my phone for display and have never gone for real hook up just veiwing i dont even like strip clubs cause its face to face i have been to two since 18 and i am 28 i will def check out those links thank you


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

It's the fact you are offering to do these things that shows you're serious. They may or may not be necessary, but that isn't the point.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> If you are serious about wanting to change for the better, then let her drag everything up. Tell her you want her to. Then install a keylogger on your computer that will email her a report of your activity. Throw out the phone with the crap on it and get another one with a completely new number. DO NOT password protect it, and give it to her to look through whenever she asks.
> 
> Also, look up a 12 step group in your area and start attending. There's a listing of them here
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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