# Don't Know What To Do



## KAB19 (Jun 18, 2011)

Hi, I am new to this forum. I apologize for the long post. My husband and I have been together over 8 years and married almost 4 years. We have two girls 3 and almost 2 with another due in August. We have had trouble most of our relationship. I know that I should have known better than to get married with these issues but I do love him. The problem has been that he never has wanted to grow up and take responsibility. My husband is 40 years old and has no motivation. He is bartending a few nights a week and has a "roof sales job" during the week. This second job, which I found for him, is commission only. He is actually a film and video editor but could not find a job when we first moved to Texas. His friend gave him the bartending job. Besides the job issue, he is lazy and miserable most days. Even when he has not worked the night before I have to get him up around 10AM (he will still not get up until 11) or he will sleep into the afternoon. He complains about the most basic duties of being part of a family (cleaning, going out with the girls, or doing the bills, etc). He blames everything and everyone besides himself for his issues. I could keep going on. I feel like the girls and I are a burden to him and that he would prefer the single life. When ever I try to bring up our issues he blows up. We have gone to a counselor but have stopped due to a leave the counselor had to take. I work full time as a teacher and am overwhelmed trying to do everything. I want him to get help and work this out but he does not take me seriously. I have thought about a separation and brought it up with him but have been scared to go through with it. What should I do?


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## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

maybe do a trial separation. If he really loves u and the girls, he will get off his butt and do something about it. If not, then he doesnt deserve his family.


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## KAB19 (Jun 18, 2011)

Thank you for listening. I think because I mentioned this before and didn't go through with it that he believes I will never leave. I have been looking for an apartment on a 6 month lease. Something has got to change before before it is too late. Life is too short to be living like this. I also don't want the girls thinking that this is a normal relationship. My 3 year old is constantly asking me if daddy is mad or she will say he is mean. This is breaking my heart. I know I am not perfect but I do not ask for much. I want to be a team and to cherish not take advantage of each other. Besides when he wants to get some he does not really want to spend time with me. When I have thought about leaving over the years I feel like he wouldn't chase after me and this is sad. I always felt that he would settle well back into the single life and not look back.


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## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

KAB19 said:


> Thank you for listening. I think because I mentioned this before and didn't go through with it that he believes I will never leave. I have been looking for an apartment on a 6 month lease. Something has got to change before before it is too late. Life is too short to be living like this. I also don't want the girls thinking that this is a normal relationship. My 3 year old is constantly asking me if daddy is mad or she will say he is mean. This is breaking my heart. I know I am not perfect but I do not ask for much. I want to be a team and to cherish not take advantage of each other. Besides when he wants to get some he does not really want to spend time with me. When I have thought about leaving over the years I feel like he wouldn't chase after me and this is sad. I always felt that he would settle well back into the single life and not look back.


Seems like hes taking you for granted. I think maybe its best for you to do IC or MC first. Take him with you. I dont see it as an option because the more u stay with him, the more resentful you will get. And in years to come, it might be you who will be saying goodbye. Its your choice but if i was in your shoes, id definately give it a shot.


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