# Postpartum care advise for a first time mom.



## sheishei (Jul 25, 2015)

Okay ladies , i´m in need of some advise. I´m about to give birth to my baby in a few weeks and i´m really worried about my after care, i don´t know what to expect. 
My husband can´t help me since he´s doing military training while the birth and for two months after the birth of our baby, I´m staying with my in laws until my husband´s training ends and no one in my family can take care of me after my baby is born. Since this is my first time i have a lot of concerns, like not having enough time or being to tired to take care of myself, like feeding myself a nutritious dinner to keep my energy up, i know i won´t get much sleep and i know that most of my time will go to my baby, and i´m totally okay with that, since what i really want is to basically, feed my baby, feed myself, get as much sleep as i can and enjoy those sweet moments with him, but sometimes i feel like i´m exaggerating my needs, right now i feel like i don´t have any energy almost and don´t really feel like doing much house work, but since i´ve been really energetic my entire pregnancy and i´ve tried to keep house work my main focus since my husband´s been gone that no one notices that i´m tired and my needs of help keeping things clean and doing house work is increasing and i´m terrified that once my baby is here i´ll have all that stress on my shoulders and that i will be extremely overwhelmed trying to take care of my baby and trying to take care of myself. 
I want to know what it was like for you after you had your first baby and for how long you wish you´ve gotten help from family? 
Also what kind of support is fair to ask for ?


----------



## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

First - congratulations! This is such an exciting time for you!!!

Regarding support, I didn't have any except my husband early on. I'm a stubborn and proud person by nature, so I didn't ask for help. My parents were too old and his parents I didn't want them staying with us for long, so it was just mom and dad.

If you aren't so stubborn and proud, like me, then definitely ask for support. If someone offers to bring you a meal or watch your baby for an hour while you take an extra long shower, say "Yes, please!" If your in-laws can help, then I'd say get them to change a diaper or even agree to help at a set time, as that helps break up your day.

One of the best things I did was take a class on taking care of your newborn. We were all first time mothers and the class had us bringing our babies with us, so it forced me to get out of the house and provided a nice support group. I'm still friends with a few of the women today and we set up an email group and later play dates and such. It was great.

Lastly, just try to enjoy this time. You will feel overwhelmed, but if you can take a step back and remind yourself that your baby will be fine and you will be, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Congrats!

My H is also military!!! Having said that........


You kind of have to learn to rely on yourself for a lot of stuff. It does get easier, but it takes a while to get used to. I remember when I had our first son. I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after he left for deployment! Oh my gosh, I thought I was going to die because I was alone. I had no family. It was just me, in the house, by myself....All of the time! My SIL came to visit once. My H's ex W came to visit for a week once (it sounds weird, but she and I became good friends). But other than that, it was just me and the dog lol. 

H came home when I was about 8 months pregnant. He was there for the birth! He wasn't much help though because, like your H, my H had tons of training and he was working 12-14 hour days. He was tired! 

I did as much as I could. It was just us, so it didn't get too messy. Make sure to keep up on laundry, because babies can spit up a lot! Snack and sleep when the baby eats and sleeps. Don't worry about housework, it will always be there. Bouncy seats, swings, and items that help you wear the baby are an incredible help! 

After the first couple of weeks, you start to kind of get used to the routine. You learn your baby's cries and you learn how to soothe him/her better. The first few weeks ARE rough, but it doesn't last forever...I promise! 

With our second son, my H deployed while I was 4 months pregnant. I had a toddler and was pregnant and alone again. BOO!!!! It was hard and at the end, I did get really tired and was in a lot of pain, but I made it through. You just have to know your limits and take breaks when you feel you need them.

H ended up surprising me in the grocery store the day before I gave birth. So, he made it for the birth again! I felt lucky because they worked hard to get him home a week early. 

Having a toddler and an infant is no easy task. But again, just do a little bit at a time. Rest when you need to. 

When the babies get older, it's so much easier. You can worry about housework then! 

With your Inlaws there, you will have lots of help! They will probably want to hold the baby all of the time!


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

How exciting!

I was alone after my first baby arrived. You're right, all of your energy will go to caring for your baby and caring for yourself. 

You will have enough energy to make yourself a meal. You might not have energy to also grocery shop AND make yourself a meal.

1. Start now by freezing small portions of meals that you can defrost and reheat postpartum. 
2. Start now learning to prioritize household chores. Some things will have to be overlooked and it's important you recognize this because once you have kids the bulk of your time and energy will be devoted to their care and that doesn't change for several years.
A. The dishes will always have to be done, for the rest of your life. But you will only have a newborn baby for a few months.
B. Stock up on paper plates and plastic cups!
C. Always have two weeks worth of underwear. 
3. If a friend or neighbor asks you if you need help, tell them yes. Practice saying yes. Then they will ask what they could do. Ask them if they would pick up some groceries for you.
4. Recognize now that your energy level will not go back to normal for about a year. It took your body 9 months to make this baby so it will take your body at least that long to go back to normal. And if your baby isn't a good sleeper,mint will take longer. Pregnancy and childbirth have monumental impact on the body! Even animals instinctively know to bulk up during pregnancy so that ther post birth body can survive a time frame of being in a weakened state.

You will be alright. You will be able to manage caring for yourself and your baby. But kiss a clean home goodbye for the next 10 years!


----------



## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

What specific advice do you need. I was a newborn nursery nurse.


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

What Anon Pink said. 
It will take some time to get the hang of being a new mom. Let go of a lot of the chores. Dusting, organizing, etc can wait. Make a lot of freezer meals and use a crock pot for easy meals. If people offer to help, take it! 

I have a 2 and a half year old and another baby on the way. I always like babywearing to help me feel like I can get things done, while also being close with my baby. I wore my son in a ring sling and the Lillebaby carrier(no infant insert needed!) a lot. You can also look into the Beco Gemini, which is a great carrier. Sleep when baby sleeps and don't put a bunch of pressure on yourself. You'll figure out a routine soon enough. Congrats and enjoy!


----------



## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

I have a 2 month old and 2 year old. My 2 month old was born mid-December and was not due until Feb 1st, so my H was away on a temp assignment when he was born. He got in a day later and stayed for 2 weeks, then went back while he was still in NICU. When he was released, by H was away for about 3 weeks, all of my help got sick around the same time, or were taking care of sick kids, so I had to keep them away from the newborn. I focused on taking care of my kids mostly. I did designate 2 hours when the 2 year old was in bed, and between nursing the newborn to take care of my house and cook a quick meal for the next day; either between the 10pm nursing or the 12:30 am nursing. But I'm OCD so it's only so much I can take. 

My H is now home for an extended period, and off of work also. Because I took care of the kids for so 
many weeks by myself, life has been a BREEZE since he has been here with me. I am making lots of deposits in the sleep bank between nursing. 

As for how much help, I would accept every single offer that comes your way. Things I did:

Kept a running text of things I needed from the grocery store, WalMart and Target. If anyone was available, I texted the list. 

Keep a running list of chores that are not so difficult:

Take a load of laundry to the basement and bring the load up from the dryer. 
Fold them.
Take my toddler for a quick walk
Read to my toddler
Play with the infant for a half hour while you take a power nap
Put all of the mess lying around in trash bags for me to sort through later
Vacuum the rugs
Strip my toddler's bed and put clean sheets on
Strip my bed and put clean sheets on

If someone did one of these tasks for you, it would take not more than a 1/2 hour for any of them. If you have any help who really loves you they can do one of these:

Mop kitchen or bathroom floor (get a swifter for a quick easy mop)
Dust one room
Gather the trash and put it in the trash for pickup
Cook a light meal
Entertain my toddler for 2 hours while I nap with the infant

Ok, I know most others will disagree, but I don't think its good to let the housework go completely. Just have a block of time, maybe during one nap your infant takes per day, where you do as much as you can during nap. Or even every other day. And maybe one nap when you put in a load of laundry, and fold a load for the first part of the nap. But doing no housework at all could get out of control quick.


----------



## KathieKerr (Feb 15, 2016)

It's common for first-time moms to tear their perineum The postpartum period was everything and nothing like I expected it to be. I expected all the normal stuff, like bleeding and soreness, but I didn't really know the extent of it. I mean, how could you without actually experiencing it firsthand?


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I've had all C-Sections....never had help afterwards.. other than a few friends stopping in- in the 1st week or 2.. a relative here & there.... 

I also wouldn't allow my husband to take off work for this time ... I wanted his vacation days to be when I was feeling GOOD , vibrant, we could get out of the house & enjoy... not when I wasn't feeling my best.. just give me my Percocet & I'll be fine !.... that was my attitude.. (I've heard many Docs won't give them anymore...but now use a stronger Tylenol )..

I made sure the house was spotless when I left.. I had dinners / meals frozen for all of us.. I felt that "nesting thing" months before to have all my ducks lined in a row as I wanted to be able to relax as much as possible when I bought that little bundle home...such an exciting time !

The ladies from church did bring us suppers .. which was very nice.. I didn't breastfeed though.. this will be far more time consuming over a new Mom using bottles ...

If all is well with the newborn...no colic.. pretty much all they do is sleep & eat..I found this to be a very relaxing time ....as I had more kids.. the older kids would fetch things for me.. this helped too.. I was big on using binky's... there was one of our kids that kept spitting it out.. I found that really strange.. but this sure soothes a baby!! 

DO as much as you possibly can now to have things in order.. whatever can be organized to make it easier when you bring baby home... if you feel you need some help.. by all means.. accept it when offered!

Baby swings a must ...Very soothing..


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

thefam said:


> Ok, I know most others will disagree, but I don't think its good to let the housework go completely. Just have a block of time, maybe during one nap your infant takes per day, where you do as much as you can during nap. Or even every other day. And maybe one nap when you put in a load of laundry, and fold a load for the first part of the nap. But doing no housework at all could get out of control quick.


I don't disagree and would just split things up to keep it manageable. I do that now because it can be tough to get things done with a crazy toddler and being tired. I have it so that each day has different chores. Example: Monday - clean bathrooms, Tuesday - floors, Wednesday - dusting, Thursday - laundry, etc. It makes it easier to keep on top of things and not let everything pile up, while still having plenty of time for family.

When I say let go of some things, it's more so to let go of the idea of 'perfection'. Your house won't be the same as it was before and that's ok. It's a short period in life and then you'll get into a new routine that works.


----------

