# Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!



## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Sorry for the title, but that's the best I can do at the moment!

My husband and I aren't doing well....
Background:: I've asked for a separation, he refuses to leave.
Present:: I've made plans to leave, working on the details and I will either be living rent-free (thanks to my soon-to-be roomate who has a rental property) or hopefully I will have a roomate but we'll have to split cost of rent etc.

Here's the thing:: My husband has worked doing AutoCADD for over 20 years, and one of the best in the industry. Since the economy has taken a hit, his company (small company) closed. He says he's tired of doing that and wants to try out a business of his own. So he and a buddy (who also worked there and is a pastor of our church) has started painting. They have stayed pretty steady with work, but I'm sorry...the money just isn't the same. My paycheck is even smaller now b/c I'm having to carry him along with myself and my son on my insurance. $200+ more a month comes out of my check a month.

I've always handled the bills and paid them each month, but that also includes all the worrying about _how_ the bills are going to get paid! I'm just sick of it...

So...what do I need to do?

A. Don't worry about it, move out and let him handle it.

B. Tell him to get a regular paying job (like he promised years ago if something were to happen and he lost his job he would do)

Really, I shouldn't have to tell him anything....and I know the reason he lets me take care of everything is because I always have....but that is all going to change when I'm out.

So yeah...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


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## az_wife (Nov 18, 2010)

So u are angry because he makes less money? I'm trying to see what you are exactly upset about. He is working and bringing in some income and not sitting on his butt. I would be thankful and happy for for that. I can understand about neing burnt out and needing to do something different...I would rather have a happy husband and less money than a grumpy one who with money (not saying he is either_.

Just so u know that I understand where u are coming from..My husband was diagnosed with demitia of the AlZ type 5yrs ago, he was 55, of course he had to stop work and appl for disability, to make a looong story short, we are just NOW seeing the end of a long dark tunnel and I am even able to work when I want and not have to work the 60-72hr weeks I used to do. 

Marriage is not easy and unless there is abuse, infidelity ect we made vows to work through all of our issues..so maybe u need to look at the whole picture and not just the present! Good Luck! BTW..I too take care of EVERYTHING and I understand it cam be frustrating but u can set some boundaries and like I have told my husbamd in thw past...u can take it all I won't complain but if u can't or don't want to then u have no reason to complain, just enjoy the ride
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You're leaving him, right? I would say, once you leave, his bills are his responsibility. End of discussion. If he doesn't make enough to pay them, then that's his concern to deal with. You will need to concern yourself with you and your son.

While you're still together, I would make sure everything is paid, simply because your name is on them, and therefore your credit is affected. Once you move out, I would immediately take steps to ensure that your name is taken off the billls that don't still apply to you (electric, cable, home lease, etc.) and just pay what is yours (your credit cards, your and your child's insurance, the things that apply to your new home).


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

az_wife said:


> So u are angry because he makes less money? I'm trying to see what you are exactly upset about. He is working and bringing in some income and not sitting on his butt. I would be thankful and happy for for that. I can understand about neing burnt out and needing to do something different...I would rather have a happy husband and less money than a grumpy one who with money (not saying he is either_.
> 
> Just so u know that I understand where u are coming from..My husband was diagnosed with demitia of the AlZ type 5yrs ago, he was 55, of course he had to stop work and appl for disability, to make a looong story short, we are just NOW seeing the end of a long dark tunnel and I am even able to work when I want and not have to work the 60-72hr weeks I used to do.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your response...I'm irritated b/c I am the one going to work every single day, the one who has more money taken from my paycheck each month, the one who pays/worries about paying the bills....while he works, yes....but he has skills that could get us thru this tough time but instead is selfish to want to do his own thing...to work his own schedule all the while I'm expected to be the bread winner, when CLEARLY I am not.

He told me a LONG time ago he'd do whatever it took to pay the bills, for me not to worry.....yet another promise he hasn't kept!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> i guess if you are really done with him, the paperwork is already filed. no turning back...when you move out, stop paying his medical insurance.
> 
> and if you are really done, then what ever is in your name, you pay and what is in his name he will be responsible for.
> 
> ...


Thanks, I've asked him to leave, but he won't.
If you read my first blog...I go into our situation


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> You're leaving him, right? I would say, once you leave, his bills are his responsibility. End of discussion. If he doesn't make enough to pay them, then that's his concern to deal with. You will need to concern yourself with you and your son.
> 
> While you're still together, I would make sure everything is paid, simply because your name is on them, and therefore your credit is affected. Once you move out, I would immediately take steps to ensure that your name is taken off the billls that don't still apply to you (electric, cable, home lease, etc.) and just pay what is yours (your credit cards, your and your child's insurance, the things that apply to your new home).


Thanks! This is what I need!


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## az_wife (Nov 18, 2010)

I guess my opinion on marriage is that unless there is something drastic going on then divorce is not an option and sometimes during the course of time one just might have to carry more than they think they should. One thing to consider before moving out would be that you will loose what income he does bring in and you will truly be the "bread winner". I think all of us wishes we had more money coming in, but sometimes we have to play the hand that is dealt us and find our own happiness in that. I never advocate divorce it tears up a whole family and unless there are reasons beyond our control we tool vows for better or for worse, and money is something that is trivial. I don't know your whole story, but if you are wanting out just because of "money" or who pays the bills, then you are wrong. Don't mean to sound harsh but I KNOW what going through a hard time both mentally, emotionally, and physically is all about and I almost walked but God showed me where I was wrong and that I needed to change and be like Christ. I have not arrived but am learning daily that if I put my husbands needs above my own he becomes the husband I want. I do feel your pain..go to the Bible and pray about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

az_wife said:


> I guess my opinion on marriage is that unless there is something drastic going on then divorce is not an option and sometimes during the course of time one just might have to carry more than they think they should. One thing to consider before moving out would be that you will loose what income he does bring in and you will truly be the "bread winner". I think all of us wishes we had more money coming in, but sometimes we have to play the hand that is dealt us and find our own happiness in that. I never advocate divorce it tears up a whole family and unless there are reasons beyond our control we tool vows for better or for worse, and money is something that is trivial. I don't know your whole story, but if you are wanting out just because of "money" or who pays the bills, then you are wrong. Don't mean to sound harsh but I KNOW what going through a hard time both mentally, emotionally, and physically is all about and I almost walked but God showed me where I was wrong and that I needed to change and be like Christ. I have not arrived but am learning daily that if I put my husbands needs above my own he becomes the husband I want. I do feel your pain..go to the Bible and pray about it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Our busting up has NOTHING to do with money....just another thing that irritates me right now. He says he loves me but acts completely opposite. I have put him first for the last 15 years...3 years ago, I sat him down to talk b/c I saw things happening and knew it could potentially ruin our relationship....three years later and more sit-downs and he's yet to want to do anything to fix it and God forbid even discuss it...refuses to go to therapy with me, or even alone and I am left to do all the work.

So please excuse me, but I will NOT live the rest of my life putting anyone before myself anymore except for God and my child. I will no longer be the ONLY one who cares and works on this marriage! I would rather be alone and be the "bread" winner than to walk into a house stressed out before I even get to the door.

This post is just a rant really....
Thought maybe someone else might be in the same situation....
I'm not asking for anyone to fix my marriage, I've already tried and I'm the ONLY one who knows the man (or used to) like the back of my hand.

I'm frustrated that I KNOW he's capable of going out and getting a good paying job, that he's not "doing what he has to" like he told me to get the bills paid. And sits on his @ss the days he's not working and doesn't do ANYTHING!

I did more than he does when I was hurt and in a wheelchair for 4 months!

So...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


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## ronniehoward (Mar 6, 2013)

What a WHINER! I'm just sure that you'd be loving drawing widgets for others after, what was it, 20-years?

It is really a shame that his new painting enterprise doesn't bring in the dough you're used to PRINCESS! Perhaps you need to get a higher paying job since OBVIOUSLY HUBBY has been supporting you for way to long.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ronnie, this thread is two years old.


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## ronniehoward (Mar 6, 2013)

So? what's your point? I am always a day (year) late and a dollar ($100k) :rofl:short.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

Is he supportive emotionally? I don't see anything worth dissolving your marriage over. If my hubby lost his job he more than likely would be working making less money. I wouldn't leave him because of it..."for better for worse richer and poorer." I didn't marry him for his money.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I I I ME ME ME Mine Mine Mine....You sound like you never were a partner. If marriage was just a financial arrangement, you would have grounds to leave, but it is supposed to be a partnership. You think that for now your husband has it easy, so you want to dump him....

Is your husband a lazy bum, who just wants to sleep in and slap on a little paint for beer money, or is there the opportunity for him to grow it into a thriving business?

Only you have the facts at hand to answer that question....


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ronniehoward said:


> So? what's your point? I am always a day (year) late and a dollar ($100k) :rofl:short.


Just to clue you in, this website bans people for posting like you just did.

By chance, are you the ex husband that just found his ex wife's posting 3 years later?


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## ronniehoward (Mar 6, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Just to clue you in, this website bans people for posting like you just did.
> 
> 
> Hey larry, what are you cluing me in about? Could you be more succinct or perhaps you don't have all of your clues in your clues closet???
> ...


What do you know him?


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