# Lawyer just emailed me docs to review



## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

OMG. I am doing an uncontested divorce. The lawyer just emailed me the papers to review and I broke down crying hysterically. I have to pull myself together so I can go to work. Just seeing the words compliant for divorce...I am like this is about to happen this is real...

I am not trying to prolong this, I am reviewing docs this weekend. I have an appointment Monday to pay fees and sign paperwork. I am glad I took that day off of work already!

Once we sign I know the papers will be filed and finalized within 30-45days.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

I know how you feel, I just filed on Tuesday. I know for a fact that ending the marriage is the smart and responsible thing to do, but still I cried laying in bed last night. 

We will not be so fortunate to have it end so quickly; the courts are so backed up here it'll be 18-24 months unless we settle. And part of me wants to be nice and only ask for what I need, but part of me wants to wait and see what the courts will award me for the manner in which the marriage has ended (serial infidelity and a history of emotional abuse).

Just hang in there. <3 Do you have kids?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

OMG, 18 to 24 months. Whew! I guess the only silver lining to that is that by the time u sign, you will have alreadh settled down and move on.

I, on the other hand and on my way right now look at some potential new living quraters. Haven't sold the house yeat bit that's ok I am trying to have a place already in mibd so when the time comes, I'm able to make th move
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Infidelity will not matter to a court. Proving emotional abuse will not matter either. Im not trying to be difficult or hurtful, but realistically, you are going to be paying out of the nose for a lawyer to fight this out, and is it worth it? Would he not still get the bare minimum of visitation and pay child support? If its a community property state, you could end up with half of the marital debt "awarded" to you, be told to sell the house in "x" amount of time, yet however maybe get part of his retirement plan....
waiting for 18-24 months allows for wayyyyy too much time for things to go extremely south, and to keep a lawyer on retainer for.
"Part of me wants to "be NICE" and only ask for what I need, but part of me wants to wait and see what the courts will "award" you"... 
Sorry, that just sounded raw to me, but even so, you really need to understand how far infidelity matters, and how difficult it is to prove and get any consideration for "emotional abuse". How to present evidence of that?
"he said, she said" doesnt fly in court, and no judge is going to listen to that. Your waiting for all that time may be completely wasteful.

---I just dont want you to waste your time and expense any more than you have to....

D1221-- I was all fired up about being free from the pain of my wifes affair, and devestating overspending too, had worked through months of anger, despair, sadness.. but seeing it on paper brought it all home to me too, and it was saddening to see it all come to that. I still doubt that I have truly dealt with all the emotional upheaval that will come once I am out on my own and seeing my kid part-time.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

My divorce papers are laying there about two feet away. I'm waiting for my lazy soon to be ex to get them notarized and to my lawyer. I'll most likely be single by the end of the month.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Infidelity will not matter to a court. Proving emotional abuse will not matter either. Im not trying to be difficult or hurtful, but realistically, you are going to be paying out of the nose for a lawyer to fight this out, and is it worth it? Would he not still get the bare minimum of visitation and pay child support? If its a community property state, you could end up with half of the marital debt "awarded" to you, be told to sell the house in "x" amount of time, yet however maybe get part of his retirement plan....
> waiting for 18-24 months allows for wayyyyy too much time for things to go extremely south, and to keep a lawyer on retainer for.
> "Part of me wants to "be NICE" and only ask for what I need, but part of me wants to wait and see what the courts will "award" you"...
> Sorry, that just sounded raw to me, but even so, you really need to understand how far infidelity matters, and how difficult it is to prove and get any consideration for "emotional abuse". How to present evidence of that?
> ...



I appreciate the feedback and I do agree with a lot of it. I'm trying to not pull the trigger too quickly on any scenario; I just filed on Tuesday and am still waiting for judge assignment and for him to be served, so right now I'm just biding my time and examining different options. I hired a lawyer solely for the intimidation factor, not to draw out every last cent. My stbxh has a tendency to react badly to just about everything and can get pretty nasty and threatening (which he has already done regarding the divorce, when I first told him I was pursuing it), and I just want someone on my side in case he tries to bully or intimidate me.

The stbxh was actually the one who suggested we wait for the courts to do it for us because as a servicemember he makes more money with dependents--he'll also have to move back into the barracks once the divorce is final, which means he will have to give away his dog. And this would also enable me to keep my insurance for a bit longer since I am uninsurable and do not yet have a job to earn benefits. But then again, we can work around all of those things, because what if one of us wants to date again anytime soon? I wouldn't want to have to explain that to a potential suitor, lol: "well I'm only _technically _married..." 

As with any situation, there's just a lot that goes into it. I filed in a no-fault state, so the adultery doesn't matter for the divorce itself, but would be a key determining factor in my request for alimony and legal fees. I don't think stbxh would try to lie about it, especially since he himself confessed to his command (so if it came down to proof all that would take would be a sworn statement or two from his command). We don't own a home and all consumer debts and retirement plans are already separate.

Only time will tell how it goes though, I can only report back on today.


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