# Help don't know what to do....



## traciegs (Mar 16, 2015)

i have been married for 22 years and the last 10 years has been really hard. Husband has ran around on me and was never home and always put his friends before me. I would work and come home he wouldn't get home till late and i was in the bed and i would leave for work before he go up. i would beg him to spend time whit me and he would always say Im not just setting home.. he would hangout with his friends and drink and I would go sometime but I didn't feel like going all the time with working and cleaning the house. the bad part is I started talk to this other guy and really like him he was giving me what i wasn't getting at home and it not a good thing and i feel really bad about it. but my husband found out about it. and he blocked me from his phone and want talk to me at all. this happen on Saturday he filed for divorce on that Monday. if I need him i have to go through a friends to give him a message are if i need anything from the house. Its about to kill me that he wont talk to me and I thinking i want him back. i do love him. there's alot of thinks he does that i dont like and he said he wasnt going to change for anyone and another things i when to the house i was going to make him talk to me... He said that why he is waiting a year and not three months for the divorce, that we might be back togather.He said he cant this me being with someone else out of his head... Help any advice on this . I just feel like not talking to him he will forget about me. Im always ask people about him and i dont think he asking anyone about me.. I have talked to him a few time and i get upset he acts like he cares but tells me he need some time...


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

I suggest you detach and really see if he is the person you really could be in a relationship with. If he is not going to change, and if you do get back together, you would still end up lonely and end up with no real partner by your side.

He does not really sound that attached to you and that is my viewpoint. He sounds like he prefers the single life and you sound like a convenience to him. You take care of the home, you contribute to the finances, and yet your not a couple. Your more like roommates, and perhaps he likes being single since he does not want to put any energy into the relationship.

I am sure he has his positive qualities, we all do.

As bad as cheating is, there is a high chance that you would not need to seek a relationship outside the marriage if you had a relationship inside the marriage.

Your a codependent that kept chasing him and you wanting him to show you love. You know the environment of the marriage will likely be the same if you returned where he neglected you. If you were a male, some posters would call you a beta. You lack the self love that allowed you to received scraps from him,making you starve for affection. He does not respect you, and I am not sure if he sounds like he can.

Why is it that you love him? Relationships are reciprocal and what does he reciprocate that a friend with benefits does not give in return? I am assuming that you had a sex life with him here. Beside legal papers, what makes you a couple? And if he loved you, wouldn't he want to spend time with you, and wouldn't he fight for the relationship?

Right now your chasing him, and he is not going to be attracted to you at all. I suggest you work on you, build up your self-worth, and minimize those character flaws that allows another to disregard you and treat you less than loving. Imagine if he were a parent and he treated a child the same way he treated you in terms of emotional investment, he would lose that child from neglect and there wouldn't be a real relationship there.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

This is a very painful lesson, you learned it the hard way: If you are unhappy in your marriage and have tried making it work but it's not working, leave the marriage and THEN start a relationship with someone else. Don't cheat.

Your husband was not giving you what you desired in your marriage. Now, he's not present in your marriage at all. Do you want him to throw scraps at you (as he's likely to do)? If you do get back together, it's likely he will treat you badly as "punishment" for cheating. You don't want to be in that kind of a relationship...it will destroy your self esteem.


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