# What is wrong with me and my addiction to webcams?



## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

For the past two years I have been involved with online sex with five men. I have been married for 20 years and I have no plan to leave my husband. I have never physically cheated on my husband in the flesh. My husband does not know about my addiction. I believe I have had online sex with over 50 men in the past two years but I cut it down to only five sex partners.
Before you judge me, just keep in mind that my husband works in another country and comes home ever six months to his family. Like I previously stated, for over ten years that he has been working aboard I have never had a lover, much less looked at another man. My problem is the online sex that I have going on for the past two years. Four of the five men know I am married. Three of them are married also but we have discussed about not leaving our partners. They just want the online sex...but lately they are talking about travelling here just to have real sex. The one that does not know I am married has proposed marriage for the past two months everyday. All the men are younger than me.
I have fallen for one of them and he for me. But still I do not want to leave my husband. As a matter of fact, the guy does not want me to leave my husband either since he found out he is a wonderful husband. This guy loves me and only wants sex with me for a lifetime even planning to come and live in my country. I just cannot say no to him. I love him but I love my husband more because we have many years together.
I just really want to stop but my body is at its peak of sexual frustration and only online sex satisfies me. When my husband is home I do not have online sex with the men even though they want it. I respect the relationship to much when he is here.
But still I need to find a way to stop, the men are my addiction like how I am theirs. 
My husband is hooked on porn and I am hooked on online sex. I think mine is worst. Need ways to stop this madness.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

1) Throw the webcam out.

2) This can't be a real post, can it?


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

@Acorn..sorry to disillusion you...it is a real post. I can't throw the webcam out, it is attached to my laptop. The computer is a part of my work equipment everyday.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Get counseling for your addiction. Does your husband know what you do when he's not around? If he did would he be hurt? If your answer is yes he'd be hurt, then do what you can to stop hurting him.


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

Wow. Could you at least cut it down to one guy and go from there? If your husband is hooked on online porn would he be amenable to allowing you to do this as a hobby? Whatever you do, do NOT ever meet them in real life because that will likely just heap more problems on you. Ideally you should cease contact with the one you have feelings for.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

soundsright said:


> @Acorn..sorry to disillusion you...it is a real post. I can't throw the webcam out, it is attached to my laptop. The computer is a part of my work equipment everyday.


A small nail and a couple of taps into the lens should fix the camera problem if that is all that is holding you back. Without your husband around, it seems unlikely that will fix your addiction. 


Never forgot the illusionary intensity of the online world. What you really need is a fulltime spouse. Any chance you can get your husband to change his job?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

soundsright said:


> @Acorn..sorry to disillusion you...it is a real post. I can't throw the webcam out, it is attached to my laptop. The computer is a part of my work equipment everyday.


Can't you just have online sex with your husband? :scratchhead:

If you're getting your sex in this manor, basically by getting yourself off, how does your husband get his sex? Just porn and masturbate?

Why not do it with EACH OTHER?


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

Counselors for my problem are not available in my country. My husband does not know what I am doing, just as I do not know what he is looking in the other country. Yes, he would be hurt if he knew. How do I stop? It is not easy.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

soundsright said:


> Counselors for my problem are not available in my country. My husband does not know what I am doing, just as I do not know what he is looking in the other country. Yes, he would be hurt if he knew. How do I stop? It is not easy.


So do it WITH your husband!


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

southern wife said:


> Can't you just have online sex with your husband? :scratchhead:
> 
> If you're getting your sex in this manor, basically by getting yourself off, how does your husband get his sex? Just porn and masturbate?
> 
> Why not do it with EACH OTHER?


I have asked him countless times to have online sex with me, but due to his lack of knowledge in using a computer, he does not feel comfortable. Each time I have volunteered to teach him the ropes in using a computer and he will sit for one or two lessons and then get disinterested.. 
He spoils me with material things and plane tickets to go and see him; but the one thing I want most, he does not give it to me. I want more than the everyday chatting on the phone with him. I want to see him while we speak, whether he is happy, sad or upset...I want to see him.
I know he gets off from watching porn and phone sex; but if he does have another form of getting off, I do not know.
All I know is that neither of us want to leave each other. I do love him and I am in love with him.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> My husband is hooked on porn and I am hooked on online sex. I think mine is worst. Need ways to stop this madness.


You want to stop? Tell your husband everything. See how he takes it. 

At least you KNOW about your husband and his porn problem, but he has NO idea what you've been doing all these years and it's wrong.


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

isla~mama said:


> Wow. Could you at least cut it down to one guy and go from there? If your husband is hooked on online porn would he be amenable to allowing you to do this as a hobby? Whatever you do, do NOT ever meet them in real life because that will likely just heap more problems on you. Ideally you should cease contact with the one you have feelings for.


Throughout the two years, we have tried to cease contact with each other and ended up coming back together. Not on my part. He is the one that keeps on coming back. He has tried having another relationships with other females but end up leaving them because he said they are not me. This guy is different from the others. It is not all about sex for him. We have a friendship, a close friendship. I know his family and he knows mine. He is thousand of miles away in another continent but he finds the time to call me on the phone everyday and talk for hours just to find out how I am in health and how my day went. He is the one that does not want me to leave my husband because he stated that he sees that my husband loves me and I love him. He just wants me to be there always in his life as a friend and maybe sometimes as a lover. I am his addiction.
For over an year, he has been trying to gain access to my country but immigration keeps on denying him visa entry. I am thankful for this but at the back of my mind I feel guilty because I caused his obsession. I do love him and care but I am not in love with him.
The others do not know details about me like my real name and country. Though they have offered to give me money, I have refused all the time stating I have money of my own and I do not need anything.
If I had to chose from the men, I would chose the one that loves me and who I love. That is where the problem lies. Love is the problem. He would find a way to reach here that is his daily promise each time we talk on the phone. Afraid to tell him no because it might hurt him deeply. He is in too deep.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

soundsright said:


> Throughout the two years, we have tried to cease contact with each other and ended up coming back together. Not on my part. He is the one that keeps on coming back. He has tried having another relationships with other females but end up leaving them because he said they are not me. This guy is different from the others. It is not all about sex for him. We have a friendship, a close friendship. I know his family and he knows mine. He is thousand of miles away in another continent but he finds the time to call me on the phone everyday and talk for hours just to find out how I am in health and how my day went. He is the one that does not want me to leave my husband because he stated that he sees that my husband loves me and I love him. He just wants me to be there always in his life as a friend and maybe sometimes as a lover. I am his addiction.
> For over an year, he has been trying to gain access to my country but immigration keeps on denying him visa entry. I am thankful for this but at the back of my mind I feel guilty because I caused his obsession. I do love him and care but I am not in love with him.
> The others do not know details about me like my real name and country. Though they have offered to give me money, I have refused all the time stating I have money of my own and I do not need anything.
> If I had to chose from the men, I would chose the one that loves me and who I love. That is where the problem lies. Love is the problem. He would find a way to reach here that is his daily promise each time we talk on the phone. Afraid to tell him no because it might hurt him deeply. He is in too deep.


I'm astonished at the amount of concern and care you have for a man you have online sex with, yet show not one ounce for the husband you're having the affair on.

And yes, make no mistake you are smack in the middle of a full blown emotional and physical affair. This other man knows you in ways only your husband should have the privledge of knowing.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

This feels like one of those - They came here to vent but have no intent of trying to fix because they have nothing but excuses posts.


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> I'm astonished at the amount of concern and care you have for a man you have online sex with, yet show not one ounce for the husband you're having the affair on.
> 
> And yes, make no mistake you are smack in the middle of a full blown emotional and physical affair. This other man knows you in ways only your husband should have the privledge of knowing.


I do care about my husband, make no mistake about that. I am not leaving my husband no matter what...I am in it for the long haul...in sickness and health...never going to leave his side. If he ask me to leave the other alone I would. But my problem lies with the other, how can he leave me when I make the discussion to really leaving. We have tried that and we always come back together. It is not sex all the time with this guy. More companionship on both our parts. We have not have online sex from December. That proves it is not a sexual thing only with him and me. 
It is cheating but not in the actual sense of cheating. I have not physically slept with him so he does not know how it is in the flesh. It is an online affair. I blame myself at times but he does not blame me since he is a man that knew what he was getting involved with...a married, older woman with kids.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

There is no actual sense of cheating. 

It is cheating. Betrayal. Infidelity. etc.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

soundsright said:


> *I do care about my husband, make no mistake about that. I am not leaving my husband no matter what...I am in it for the long haul...in sickness and health...never going to leave his side*. If he ask me to leave the other alone I would. But my problem lies with the other, how can he leave me when I make the discussion to really leaving. We have tried that and we always come back together. It is not sex all the time with this guy. More companionship on both our parts. We have not have online sex from December. That proves it is not a sexual thing only with him and me.
> It is cheating but not in the actual sense of cheating. I have not physically slept with him so he does not know how it is in the flesh. It is an online affair. I blame myself at times but he does not blame me since he is a man that knew what he was getting involved with...a married, older woman with kids.



I call BS on that. I guess you didn't say "forsaking all others" in your vows? I wouldn't have brought it up but you already did in your first couple sentences...

And still you spent the better part of this post talking about how you feel and how this other man feels about you. You're in deep lady.

Tell your husband. Tell him all of it. Maybe his reaction will wake you up.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

If its not cheating then why are you hiding it from him?


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

OliveAdventure said:


> This feels like one of those - They came here to vent but have no intent of trying to fix because they have nothing but excuses posts.


I want a better understanding of my problem and how to deal with it now. I do need help that is my reason for me logging into this site. I have accepted to I do have a problem...that is the first step. Whoever said "one" therapy session heals? Therapy is ongoing when it is a serious problem.
Secondly I have to find the source of the problem then find a solution and work at it. I want to learn how to go about working at it no matter how long it takes. But I also need help for him so he can work at his problem with me.


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## Struggling4ever (Jan 9, 2012)

Acorn said:


> 1) Throw the webcam out.
> 
> 2) This can't be a real post, can it?


Whenever I see something this outrageous from someone who just signed up...I wonder. The solutions easy, get help for the addiction, stay in this situation until caught, or divorce your husband...I find it hard to believe someone with money who travels abroad is too computer illiterate to chat with video..take 10 minutes and show him, you seem to have it down!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

soundsright said:


> I have asked him countless times to have online sex with me, but due to his lack of knowledge in using a computer, he does not feel comfortable. Each time I have volunteered to teach him the ropes in using a computer and he will sit for one or two lessons and then get disinterested..
> He spoils me with material things and plane tickets to go and see him; but the one thing I want most, he does not give it to me. I want more than the everyday chatting on the phone with him. I want to see him while we speak, whether he is happy, sad or upset...I want to see him.
> I know he gets off from watching porn and phone sex; but if he does have another form of getting off, I do not know.
> All I know is that neither of us want to leave each other. I do love him and I am in love with him.


skype is not hard what so ever.
im sure your HUSBAND could learn it in about 20 seconds.

change your phone number and delete him from all of your things so he can not contact you and you leave him alone.


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> If its not cheating then why are you hiding it from him?


I am not hiding it. I am ready to fess up but my friend advised me not to tell him because nothing good would become of it since he does not want to break up a 20 year old marriage.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

soundsright said:


> I am not hiding it. I am ready to fess up but my friend advised me not to tell him because nothing good would become of it since he does not want to break up a 20 year old marriage.


what you mean is that the no good to come from telling your husband is that he may not be able to continue with this CHEATING AFFAIR. thats his concern.

if your husband does not know about it and you have avoided telling him, you are hiding it.


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

Struggling4ever said:


> Whenever I see something this outrageous from someone who just signed up...I wonder. The solutions easy, get help for the addiction, stay in this situation until caught, or divorce your husband...I find it hard to believe someone with money who travels abroad is too computer illiterate to chat with video..take 10 minutes and show him, you seem to have it down!


You getting it wrong. I am the one that travels abroad a lot due to my work. He is based in one place abroad and his work does not entail computer affiliation. I have tried so many times to teach him but he is not into technology for himself. He would buy the latest gadgets on the market for me, the kids, his sister, brothers but never for himself. He is satisfied with basic. I have opened email addresses for him and still he does not use them. What more can I do?


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> what you mean is that the no good to come from telling your husband is that he may not be able to continue with this CHEATING AFFAIR. thats his concern.
> 
> if your husband does not know about it and you have avoided telling him, you are hiding it.


This person is not getting anything from me in the form of money if that is what you are thinking. A plane ticket to come here cost over $3000 U.S and he is willing to spend that amount on his own free will. I do discourage him that it is not worth it to be spending all that money just for a 10 day visit but there is no stopping him. 
What would be my reason to tell my husband now since I am trying to find a solution to help me and the other guy move on with our lives. But we both need help, so why should I involve my husband and cause additional counselling for him also. 
We just need to find a solution as soon as possible.


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## soundsright (Mar 7, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> skype is not hard what so ever.
> im sure your HUSBAND could learn it in about 20 seconds.
> 
> change your phone number and delete him from all of your things so he can not contact you and you leave him alone.


We do not have skype here. 
I need help to let him move on to to cause a live time scar on the guys life. He is educated enough to understand once we find a solution to our problem. In the first place, I did not give him my cell phone number...goggle did. He got my name and other information from facebook when we were farmville buddies. Facebook was innocent then, until I found out the dangers of it now. I delete my account last year. Too late now.
My cell phone is my business contact number and if I get a new number he would still get it from goggle due to Telephone Company and name.


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## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

Here's my take, I feel that you do know that what you are doing is wrong, but you don't think it is entirely wrong since you did not physically do anything hence the reason it's hard for you to stop. From what I've learned about emotional affairs, something I had no clue existed, when its not physical there's really no guilt. Until you see what you are doing as cheating you probably never will stop. No amount of advice can help you with this, you have to see that what you are doing as 100% wrong.


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## Fella81 (Mar 4, 2012)

wow very good question but you answered yourself you said more than once YOU do not plan on leavin i think with your husband work ethic you miss the affection of a lover which you feel with you online sex cam,simplest thing i would consider is talking to your husband about spending more time with you see how that goes 

hope this helped............


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

soundsright said:


> He would buy the latest gadgets on the market for me


Would he still buy them if he knew how you are betraying him with them??

In your title you hint you may have an addiction. Look up Sex Addict on the internet and do a bunch of reading. Look up meetings for sex addicts in places you travel to/where you live and START GOING. GET RID of the webcam - uninstall the software, tape over it, buy a computer without one - do whatever you have to. NO EXCUSES.

Then come clean to your husband. You (and even he) may think he's happy, but he isn't. And neither are you.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

all she is doing is making excuses for continuing. maybe looking for somebody here to say 'oh baby, its not wrong.'

bs, cheating is cheating, what ever form it takes.

i think its a fake post.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> all she is doing is making excuses for continuing. maybe looking for somebody here to say 'oh baby, its not wrong.'
> 
> bs, cheating is cheating, what ever form it takes.
> 
> i think its a fake post.


:iagree:


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

If you feel that your behavior is escalating to possible physical cheating, then you should definitely get counseling. This is addictive behavior and when it escalates in to real sex addiction in the flesh, you're at risk of STD and other things -- and so is your innocent husband.

If your husband watches porn and it isn't a problem for you, then it should be okay for you to watch porn without him objecting. However, how would you feel if your husband was having interactive webcam sex with women on an ongoing basis? Would that be acceptable to you? If yes, then you need to make sure that you and your husband are on the same page about your virtual polyamory so that you can establish some rules and boundaries, like what line shouldn't get crossed. If your husband would not be okay with your online interactive sex and the threat it brings to your marriage, then you are cheating and either you should stop cheating or get a divorce if you want to continue the online affairs.

People have flexible boundaries and if you two are separated for six months at a time, then there have to be allowances made for how you deal with sexual frustration. Unconventional marriages are possible. However, if you keep doing this without his consent, it's cheating. And, if you are thinking of physically hooking up with any of those people, it's definitely cheating -- and time to stop. And, if you think you're becoming addicted, then you have to get help. Trust me, you're going to break your husband's heart and destroy your marriage by doing this -- I'm saying this as a person who is on the other side; my husband did this to me because his online sex turned into real sex and it destroyed our marriage and broke me when I discovered it; many others on this site will be an example of what you're doing to your husband if you continue, so if you love him -- cut it out.

Is it not possible for you to travel with your husband when he is abroad? If you're with him, then you get sex from him and don't cheat. It might be time for you guys to talk about fulfilling each others needs and prioritizing that before your whole life together falls apart.

Seriously, you know better than this....get both feet in the marriage or get both feet out the door (I read that somewhere on this site and it bears repeating). There's no excuse for cheating.


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## simon28798 (Mar 25, 2017)

I am in a very positive and supportive relationship with an amazing sexy woman and I'm addicted to porn.
My addiction to pornography in general has grown over the years. I managed to get myself off it for a few months but the other day I was browsing the internet and I accidentally discovered naughtychurch cams. This is something I never knew about before and when I checked it out, I couldn't believe it was real. Since that day, I check to see what girls are online almost everyday. I don't even masturbate to it. I just go from live webcam to live webcam for hours on end. It's like watching a gerbil in a cage. They can't see me, but I can watch them. When I first discovered it I signed up, and had a "private session" with one of the girls that I liked a lot based on the fact that she looked almost exactly like cameron diaz. She's probably some poor girl from Russia. I had one private session with her then I cancelled my account immediately. I had never done anything like this before, and it felt a lot like cheating. i mean, there's and actual girl on the other side who I was writing back and forth to. And then she took her clothes off and masturbated while I masturbated. I feel so guilty. Since then, I drop by daily to see if she is there. And if she is I just watch her for hours. If she is not there, I go from live girl to live girl and just watch them. It's interfering with my relationship. I mean, I have a crush on a Russian webcam girl and I'm in a relationship?! WTF is wrong with me? Its crossing into reality for me. I find myself thinking about her when I'm walking down the street. I need to stop, and I've made a promise to myself that I would a week ago, and I broke that promise to myself once already.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

dead thread, start your own thread.


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