# Wife wants to sleep with other men



## confusedGuy123

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. She is 31 and I am 37, we have 2 kids, 4 and 2.
About a month ago my wife told me that she is having a “pre-mid” life crisis. She said that she has lost her identity and independence. We have the luxury of my wife staying home with our kids. She left a teaching job to take care of our 2 kids.
One thing she suggested to help her was to have both of us start taking a day or two every other weekend to do something for our selves. It could be whatever we want. Her thought was to give each person some personal time to do anything. She has been going out with her sister and staying the night. Then she comes home in the afternoon the next day after unwinding. This was totally fine with me and seemed like a logical way of dealing with her loss of Independence.
This weekend she told me that its more than just wanting time to herself. She now says that she has the feeling of wanting to sleep with other men. It’s not that she wants to run out and just start sleeping with everyone. Its just that she doesn't want to make a mistake one night without letting me know her feelings first. She told me that she doesn't think that monogamy makes sense in a marriage. She doesn't think that is logical for me to be able to give her everything. She misses the butterflies of meeting someone new and misses the freedom of going out on first dates. We have a great relationship and she does truly love me. She just said she needs more right now. She has given me the option as well and actually told me to do this about 6 months ago. This was before she told me about her feelings of wanting the same option. Since then I have actually gone home with 2 women and had one night stands. She told me this was a way to spice things up in our relationship. After i told her about my one night stands we had great sex and it did get things going. I am just not sure I am secure enough to be OK with the same thing. I feel bad that I cant offer her the same option. She says sex is sex and she doesnt want to create an emotional tie with these guys. Its just a way to satisfy the itch of that freedom and liberating feeling that it used to give her. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is anyone else in an open marriage which is what she is wanting. I love her and my kids, I love our family and we really do have a great thing going on. I am just confused.


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## Enchantment

No, no open marriage here. We are too protective of each other and our marriage to do that. We believe marriage is between only two committed people, all others keep out. By doing so, we have no problems with jealousy, STDs, or confusion over other emotional entanglements developing. 

Sounds like your wife wants to have her cake and eat it too. That doesn't usually happen in real life.


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## Jamison

Adding other people, or having sex with other people doesn't usually add spice to your sex life, I'm sorry, and yes you can tell yourself all day long that it does. She isn't connected to you or the marriage and now sounds like you are not either. If you both want your marriage to work and survive and be more healthy having sex with others isn't the answer.


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## Amplexor

confusedGuy123 said:


> She now says that she has the feeling of wanting to sleep with other men.


Likely, she already has and she's justified it by the open marriage talk and letting you do the same.


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## BigToe

Well you're trapped now. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. You don't have a choice of offering her the same option, she's entitled at this point.


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## CallaLily

She has fed you some BS lines. I imagine she was already sleeping with other men when she told you it was something she wanted to try. She wants someone else to scratch that itch for her, because you no longer can, if so, she wouldn't be wanting other men, sorry, you should take that as a blow to your marriage. Sleeping with others while married isn't about spicing things up, its about a selfish sexual need that just one person can't fulfill. Funny how she tells you monogamy doesn't make sense in a marriage, because I doubt thats what she told you when you all dated and got married to begin with. I imagined it all changed once another man took interest in her or vice versa.


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## confusedGuy123

At first I thought that she had already been with someone else, but I honestly dont think thats the case. We have been talking about this and other feelings she is having for a couple weeks now. Oddly enough we have had a lot of sex. She doenst want to hurt me and is very honest, so if she had been with someone she would have told me. I guess I am not sure what I am looking for by posting this. I am just wondering if someone else has gone down this path and what their experience was.


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## CallaLily

Are you truly ok with all of this? If not, you need to tell her that. Make it clear to her this isn't acceptable and its NOT what a marriage about two people is about. if she wants to sleep with others, for whatever reason she has, then let her and while she is doing that, hand her divorce papers and tell her to have fun.


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## confusedGuy123

I guess I am not sure what I am OK with. She said that it might never happen at all. Its just what she is feeling right now. 
The problem is that I dont want to get divorced because I dont want to be a part-time dad. I dont want to miss my time with my children. For that matter I dont want to miss her. I love her and I guess I need to decide what I am willing to give up.


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## Jamison

Tell her you do believe in monogamy, between two married people. Tell her you also believe in "spicing" things up and that it should be between you and her, not other men too. Tell her its unacceptable for her to want to do this to you and your marriage. 

If she doesn't care what you say, then you have your answer. She is wanting her cake and eating it too, doesn't work that way. If she doesn't care what you say, then tell her since you believe in monogamy and she doesn't, that you have an itch as well, and its called separation papers, and that you feel by her signing it, it will help ease that itch. After all, these are the things she told you when wanting to have sex with others. 

Of course all of this is based on that you feel what she is doing is wrong and want to save your marriage, but if it gives you the outlet to go and have sex too, then you both are a great match.


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## Catherine602

Confused - let's see if I have this right. 6 months ago your wife told you to go out and have ONS and she would spend time with her sister going to the movies and art showings. Then you tell her about your adventures and great sex ensure. 

Now she springs the big one on you. She wants to do what you did. There is the rub - she played you like a fine fiddle. Here is what may really may have happened. 

She has the urge to have sex with men other than your good self but uses a very cleaver way to go about getting what she wants. She test you - giving you permission to cheat which of course you do, never thinking that you were in for the same from her. Fool. Now she has you where she wants tge traps been sprung and she can now do what she wanted to do in the first place. There is not much you can do now with out seeming to use two standards of behavior one for her and one for you. 

What is done is done- you were quick to break your marriage vows with no thought of what you were doing accept to think you were lucky to be able to cheat with no consequences. You were living everyone dream now you are facing every man's nightmare. 

You don't want her to have other men but you want other women. Either you committ to you wife and marriage or divorce and go your separate ways. This was not a problem when you took two women home to have sex so why is it such a big problem now?

Why did you let this into your marriage? You have to start from the beginning - you were very ready to cheat on her and by that you demonstrated the weakness of your commitment she may have suspected that. Now you have the task of examining why you were so quick to cheat and fix the problems in your relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trey69

I agree with Catherine. 

I think its a little odd she would tell you to go do this, and you did. Did it not occur to you, to NOT do this. That it sounded a little weird or off to you? 

She baited you, and you took that bait. IMO, and I know you believe her to be a honest person, but IMO, I think its highly possible she had already been with another man, and she felt some guilt there, so she told you to go out an have some ONS. You're in a mess for sure.


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## confusedGuy123

I know you may think I am being gullible but I believe that she has not been with someone else. I agree that she wants her cake and wants to eat it too. 
Again, I am just curious if anyone else has an arrangement like this or has an experience at least talking about it with their spouse. 
I know its not for everyone, its a very liberal way of thinking. But, I guess I cant decide where I am on it. But I will need to figure it out before she is with anyone.


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## Entropy3000

Yes, you were played. A very good chance she has already been doing this well before she brought it up the first time.

Why you acted on this orginally only you can say.


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## Married&Confused

i'd get yourself tested right now because she has already had sex with someone else.


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## Tourchwood

I agree with Entropy and Married&confisued and Amplexor

she already been with someone, you may doubt it all you want, but truth is there. 
and you are not sure? that means you want to but scared!
Have you guys thought about swinging ?
may be it is safer since you are there.


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## ClipClop

She met someone, 100%. As far as getting tested, you both need to. She is likely with one other man and you are whoring it up.

Personally, I am not impressed that you said ok so easily. She wanted an affair. You wanted?? Certainly not your marriage. Your insecurity is a non issue. You went outside and you can't exactly stop her esp since you had no qualms with what you did, multiple times. If you were so concerned with your marriage you would have said no and would have stopped her going out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trey69

IMO, you can't talk out of both sides of you mouth and say, its ok for you or her to want to have others on the side yet be afraid at the same time of losing your family, kids etc. If you are a family, want to be and remain a family, then having others on the side isn't the answer.


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## Runs like Dog

Call her bluff. Say hon since you've thought about this, let me meet someone you're thinking of. And let me watch.


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## couple

Actually, I think that a lot of people want to sleep with someone else at different times in their marriages. Some just want it, don't say anything and don't do it. Some go out and do it without saying anything. Others say it and don't do it.

A completely faithful relationship is a great thing but for many people, natural desires take priority at certain points in the relationship and for various reasons.


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## fhg1893

confusedGuy123,

What you have is a poly-amorous, or open marriage wanting to happen. She's decided, or discovered, probably a while ago that she wants some sort of open marriage. Saying that "monogamy doesn't make sense" is a dead giveaway.

She might have already met someone. She may have already had sex with them. 

That being said, you have the right to set you own level of comfort. You have the right to say "no," even though you've already "cheated" twice. 

Your latter statements indicate that she's actually excited about you being with other women. However, nobody ever said these arrangements were easy, and if she's manipulated you, then that's one strike against this thing working, and it's the only one that can ever happen. 

Figure out what you want, what you're comfortable with, and go from there. If a poly type of relationship is in the cards, there's plenty of resources on the internet, and from what I've gathered, communication is key. Read lots, and lots on this. It can destroy existing relationships. It can also make them better. But walking the fine line is incredibly difficult. 

Good luck.


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## Laurae1967

I think you have a lot of cause for concern. Most women would only tell their husband to sleep with other women if they were no longer invested in the marriage. Your wife said herself that she missed the "butterflies" of meeting someone new and dating. That, my friend, is not just about having sex with someone else. That is relationship talk.

I guess your wife never got the memo.....the one that said that those "butterflies" were never meant to last. It is biologically impossible. Elizabeth Taylor (or any other serial wedder) could have told you that....or anyone else who is addicted to the adrenaline rush of "new love" .

It is sad to me that your wife, and you, are willing to put your family and marriage on the line for some temporary cheap thrills. There is more to life than sex with strangers....a hell of a lot more.


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## Syrum

You were quick to cheat and didn't seem to care about the state of your marriage then. Are you really so foolish as to believe a wife who wasn't cheating, didn't want to cheat or really cared about you, would offer such a thing? :scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans

She tested you and you failed OR she's emotionally gone. She said she doesn't believe in monogamy now but ddidid she mention that before u married? Either way you've had sex with two other women...your marriage will never be the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whammy

confusedGuy123 said:


> I know you may think I am being gullible but I believe that she has not been with someone else. I agree that she wants her cake and wants to eat it too.
> Again, I am just curious if anyone else has an arrangement like this or has an experience at least talking about it with their spouse.
> I know its not for everyone, its a very liberal way of thinking. But, I guess I cant decide where I am on it. But I will need to figure it out before she is with anyone.


Not liberal, this is a very BETA way of thinking. No real man would ever let another man touch his wife. I am the king of the universe, actually I am the ONLY man in my universe... and with that do you think I would let another man in my wife? hell no. My mantra is that if she wants to act single then i will MAKE her single. Not trying to talk about myself but Im saying you should be like this. Your wife doesnt even have enough respect for you to not talking about getting f*cked by other guys. There is a reason that over half of all marriages end in divorce and 80% of those divorces are initiated by women... Just as there are certain behaviors that attract women (having game) there are certain behaviors that husbands do to kill their wife's attraction (beta provider type behavior). I have said this in other posts but being a good husband is not being a purse carrying, dish doing, cuddly wuddly hubby... being a good husband is being the man that your wife wants to get f*cked by. There are things you are doing (maybe you dont realize it) that is killing your wives attraction for you. And when attraction goes, feelings of love soon follow. BEING IN LOVE IS ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON SEXUAL ATTRACTION. 

I know you want to be understanding and see things from you wifes point of view or whatever but F*CK THAT!. I know you want to be fair becasue you had sex with other women but F*CK THAT! fight for you woman, make her want you again. And the first thing you need is shut this sh*t down. Put your f*cking boot through all this bullsh*t like a f*cking caveman. tell her "it aint happening or we aint happening" and dont be scared to lose your kids...fight for them too. To be honest with you, standing up for yourself and showing you wife that you are good without her will be a good step in the direction of making your wife want you again. Be an alpha male again and never stop... that is what your wife is looking for.


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## Hicks

Agree with the above. Tell her no way no how it cannot happen. Tell her that's not what marriage is about to you. If she says what about the fact that you did it tell her she should not have given you permission to do it if she felt that she was going to be able to do the same thing. Give her the choice: marriage between one man and one woman, or divorce and she can do as she pleases.


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## WhereAmI

How the hell can he say this is not what marriage is
about to him? He was into it when he was able to get some on the side. Now that his wife wants to do the same thing, it's suddenly a crazy idea? Puh-lease!

If you're really against it I think your best option is to let her experience what you have THEN have a talk about where you want your marriage to be. How did you NOT see this coming?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TexasCouple993

I have been exactly where you are at, an let me tell you. Once she does this then the relationship is over. Now I am open to having and open relationship, we both were in the beginning but her actions and behavior have almost turned me away from it.

We have had 2 threesomes, the first 1 was with one of her friends. She stayed over for a week and all 3 of us had hot sex every night. We she left that was it, I had no feelings for her what so ever. In fact we really fell out of contact with her. I recently found out she got married and is happy.

The 2nd threesome was with my best friend, you think it would have went the same way right. WRONG! They both fell in love with each other she wanted a 3way relationship with him. At first I really did not have a problem with it, I figured it would be over, after all we had a threesome with a girl an it was only fair. Well she and him started falling in love with each other. She started wanting to be around him more an more. It got to the point where she gave me and ultimatum, let her be with him or she is leaving and talking the kids with her. It was not tell she realized he was not going to take care of the kids did she come back to me. Oh by the way she decided during this whole 3 month fling she was not going to make love to me but she wouldn’t allow me to sleep on the couch. She did not even bother to move out. Well they stopped talking and she came back all crying to me. I gave her the I told you so speech and she said she would never do it again. Just think all this drama was going on and I had to try an hide it from our kids. Well we get counseling because I actually believe in a marriage and I did not want to break our family up. The kids love us to death and I would hate to see them loose their Daddy. You think it would have ended there, WRONG AGAIN. Just two years later here they are going at it again, same as the first time, she wanted to leave me for him. But like the first time he just wanted her. Well then it happen again just last year, she just could not stay away form him. 

Now let me be clear about this, I was all for having a 3-way relationship, we where really good friends and he really did care about her. He just was not ready for kids and I do not blame him, being a father is no easy job. I was also clear with her that if some girl came a long an I liked her a lot then she would be apart of us too. Well guess what, some girl did come a long and I started having strong feelings for her. Everything seemed like it was going to work, she really wanted it to I believe but she just could not get over him. So she decided she did not want to be her friend anymore. Well **** she shot that down after 9 months. I did not even sleep with her or kiss her. I got as for as your pretty with her, she knew I liked her and how I felt about her and I knew how she felt. I told her as long as you know how I feel I am good, she has a boyfriend and I was not about to break her and him up. 

That was just a few months ago, me and her still talk everyone other day but I wife will not even talk to her. She gets mad when I bring her up. I thought they were good friends. Well I though her wanted to sleep with other guys was done. I have not been with anyone else since the first 3some, she has been with her guy more times then I can count. Since I am not a sex freak the lack of sex was not a big problem for me, there were times we I would bring it up but she always had an excuse. Her whole relationship with him over a 5 year period was only about 5 months total, so after the initial fling it really didn’t pick up much. Just a lot of chatting and phone talking. 

Well after she realized he was not coming back, she started looking for other guys. Meet 2 or 3 and we all had lunch. I really did not have a choice in the matter since we both worked at the same place and I did not get notice of it tell lunch. She dropped all 3 of them when all the wanted was sex from her. Again I gave her the I told you so speech.

Now I know others are think, why are you still with this women, she does not care about you or respect you. All of you are right. I grew up without a Father and after he died 3 years ago I found out he had another family. He really did not give a **** about me and my brother one bit. So I am not going to abandon my kids, so I am going to do everything in my power to keep them and as long as she decided to stay in the marriage I am ok, it means no divorce drama for the kids. Tell you the truth if she leaves I will not be hurt that much. I love her to death but I can not always worry about her ****, and despite my best efforts my older daughter 6 Is starting to wonder why mommy is always mad at Daddy.

Sex is Sex to me and Making Love is Making Love, I know the difference and so does she. I have come to realize that she may not stop and she might need professional help. **** her mom does 100% and more of the **** she does. Both my Mother and my Brother believe I should stick with her until she finally does leave. I am very surprised by how many people tell me not to leave. Even her own mom begged me not to leave her.

Now I have a friend who also went through something similar, he ended up moving out of his own house an getting a ****ty apartment. The girl kept his house and moved the guy in and makes him pay the $900 rent. He really got ****ed over. I can not say I am doing better but if I wanted to go out and get another girl I could. I do photography with models an I know a **** load of girls that would get with me. Hell several girls have flat out told my wife they want me.

In the last 3 days I found out she wants to sleep with another guy, he works with her( I quit working there due to the fact I am going to the Police Academy next year and I need a job with less hours so I can focus on my classes) well you know she is not going to leave me, she has been the biggest support and My brother and me wanting to be cops.
So here we go again plus she wants me to slept with her friend from work. Just last night we had a huge argument about me being boring and a goody to shoes and why wont I get drunk with her and **** her friend bull****. I told her if you want to get ****ed by all means do so, but do not drag me in the whole with you and do not come at me with the guilt trip when its done. She got pissed and started chatting with her guy friend.

My brother just looked at her like she was crazy and said when you loose him its your own fault. 

For all the people that read this, I have the full support of my family and hers and have had it for the last 6 years. They all want to see us stay together and they have been the biggest reason I have stated in this 8 year long relationship. I would just like to give my 2 cents and to warn OP of how things could turn out. I love my Wife, but sometimes its not worth it.

Thanks


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## Roooth

Confused Guy,

Texas Couple's scenario gives you a good idea of the bullsh*t and emotional upheaval and confusion this type of thing can cause. My sister had another scenario. I can't know all the details but I do know her and her hubby had a girl who they messed around with for a while, then the girl became drama and that stopped. Later they got a girlfriend and decided on a 3-way relationship instead of just sex. The girl had a daughter about the age of their son. She moved in as a nanny in exchange for rent and was going to school which made things easier for my sis and her hubby who both worked. My sister had a great argument for why this was such a great arrangement, how the family was bigger and the kids had each other and had more adults to love them. It sounded so logical and so plausible. I shut my mouth and thought I hope you're right and that it's possible to be happy this way b/c if you're not right, you're in for a world of hurt...

Well I don't know all that happened. I know things started getting strange and then there was fighting and then nasty fighting and betrayal and my sister felt like she was left out of the circle, and the husband and girlfriend weren't supposed to do anything without her but the girlfriend seduced the husband and my sister felt cheated on... I don't know how it happened but my sister ended up blaming the husband for a lot and thought she was in love with the girl and so they divorced. My sister wanted to stay with the girlfriend and did for a while but eventually the girl told her she was in fantasy land about them and that she didn't love her...

In the end it was a painful and devastating way to divorce. Live has been hard for both of them financially. My sister hasn't recovered emotionally and it's been 5 years. She's a train wreck which her son now understands. The difficulty he's been though breaks my heart. There's so much more to it but the point is, your wife is giving you logic and entrapment, but ignore the arguments and listen to your intuition. THIS CAN NOT END WELL. You started it, you f^cked up but sleeping around. If you allow this to keep going rather than repairing the disconnect, this will end painfully.


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## that_girl

Why get married if you're going to be in and out of other people's beds? I'd rather be single at that point--- less drama (ha) and no vows to break.

You don't sound happy about this...you sound like you are trying to talk yourself into it which will inevitably backfire to where you hate your wife and are suspicious of everything.

This sounds like danger to me.


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## RandomDude

She's entitled now, you've pretty much dug a hole. Just go and watch and enjoy it. If she doesn't want you there though, now that is a problem... normally a wife enjoying swinging companionship would want her man there to be with her and also to protect her.


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## the guy

Thats the thing, his wife wants it to be an individual thing, a break from the marriage all together, no swinging, no cuckold, just a break from him. and the feeling of "new".

He has done it with OW and isn't nearly into it as she is, thats why he's confused.

Boundries, boundries, boundries, even with an open marriage they are needed. For me I wanted nothing to do with it


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## morituri

I guess he's gone because he didn't want to accept the truths that people were telling him about his situation:

1. That his wife had most likely already had sex with another man or men. Her weekend getaways were the perfect environment to carry this out without him suspecting anything.

2. That her offer of having an open marriage and his acceptance of it by engaging in ONS with two OW, basically sealed the deal. Now he is having 'buyer's remorse'.

3. That she is not as honest and forthcoming as he claims she is. She knows that he is not comfortable with the idea of her having sex with another man or men so she will not tell him that she already has. She may fear that if she does that he will get upset and demand a return to a monogamous marriage or worse that he will resent her and eventually divorce her.

In any case, unless he makes peace that he has helped open a Pandora's box that he may not be able to close again, his marriage is headed for divorce.


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## TexasCouple993

Ohh by the way, If I even hint at I want to put my foot down and say I am not going to take this anymore. First thing she does is says I am controlling and that I run her life. That I am no better then her abusive step-dad. She then threatens to talk the kids a leave. Its like she throws that around like hot sauce just to hurt me. Oh she also has took our first children and went and stayed with her mom for 2 weeks when she was 8 months old. So I guess she got me on lock and thinks she can do what she wants.

I had meet a girl and I was going to hook my brother up with her…. That was a bad move, she went crazy about that, saying I was going to leave her and that I just wanted to go **** this girl and replace her .By the way last night she argued at me about why I do not go out an get on girls for myself.

So she does not want me having female friends, just imaging the anger that can build up in this kind of relationship. Its one sided, it’s a no win situation. If I stand up to her, I am being mean and uncaring. My own brother has told me on multiple occasions that I really do not have a choice in the matter if I want to keep my kids. Getting a divorce will just put them through hell. 

What makes it worse is she wants to drag me along with her when she wants to do this stuff. She does not want a threesome or for me to watch. She just wants me to be best buddies with the guys she wants to sleep with. In her world that makes since but in mine it does not, hell she will not even talk or add my ex gf on face book. She has tried, we both have mixed kids and she wanted her kids to be friends with her kids since we live in the same time. That did not work out, she has started so many arguments about that I can not even count. Even though I have told her I do not like her anymore.

The only good thing I can see is that she is aware that it is wrong to do the things she does and she wants to get marriage counseling. She knows that wanting other men Is bad when she will not even let me have a female as a friend. She just uses the excuse that she will get jealous if I am friends with another girl.

I know some guys will wine about all the heartache but I do not, It was my choice to be with her and it is still my choice to be with her. I am going to stay on the train till it wrecks or it going to stay on track.

I made a commitment me and its my responsibility to live with it. I do not blame her for wanting a open relationship and I try very hard not to blame stuff on her.


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## Peace2000

BigToe said:


> Well you're trapped now. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. You don't have a choice of offering her the same option, she's entitled at this point.


This is ture. You can't expect to be able to go home with other women and not allow her to go home with other men. Do you not think she feels the same way about these men that you feel about the other women? Or do you secretly have feelings for the other women and are afraid the same will happen with her? 
I only work 2 days a week, we have a 10 year old daughter and he works full time. I know the what she is feeling. When you don't do anything outside of your home, you begin to lose yourself. You feel like your only puropse is to be someones mother. 

I have a fantasy to be with another women while my husband watches and then us giving him a BJ. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to watch him with another women..we are not in a great sex place right now in our relationship so that's not an option for us. I don't know that it would ever really happen but it's fun to think about!

What about instead of being with other people seperately do it together..or play out other fantasies together?


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## Peace2000

confusedGuy123 said:


> I guess I am not sure what I am OK with. She said that it might never happen at all. Its just what she is feeling right now.
> The problem is that I dont want to get divorced because I dont want to be a part-time dad. I dont want to miss my time with my children. For that matter I dont want to miss her. I love her and I guess I need to decide what I am willing to give up.


What did you feel when you were with the other women? And what was the situation? Was she around..did she know that was your plan or did you tell her after the fact?


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## Peace2000

Catherine602 said:


> Confused - let's see if I have this right. 6 months ago your wife told you to go out and have ONS and she would spend time with her sister going to the movies and art showings. Then you tell her about your adventures and great sex ensure.
> 
> Now she springs the big one on you. She wants to do what you did. There is the rub - she played you like a fine fiddle. Here is what may really may have happened.
> 
> She has the urge to have sex with men other than your good self but uses a very cleaver way to go about getting what she wants. She test you - giving you permission to cheat which of course you do, never thinking that you were in for the same from her. Fool. Now she has you where she wants tge traps been sprung and she can now do what she wanted to do in the first place. There is not much you can do now with out seeming to use two standards of behavior one for her and one for you.
> 
> What is done is done- you were quick to break your marriage vows with no thought of what you were doing accept to think you were lucky to be able to cheat with no consequences. You were living everyone dream now you are facing every man's nightmare.
> 
> You don't want her to have other men but you want other women. Either you committ to you wife and marriage or divorce and go your separate ways. This was not a problem when you took two women home to have sex so why is it such a big problem now?
> 
> Why did you let this into your marriage? You have to start from the beginning - you were very ready to cheat on her and by that you demonstrated the weakness of your commitment she may have suspected that. Now you have the task of examining why you were so quick to cheat and fix the problems in your relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: Very well said! Nothing more is needed here! She's completely right!


----------



## Peace2000

I don't think she's already done it. If she has been as open as to tell you she wants to and you have already been with other women..there is on reason for her to keep it from you. I think she just wants you to know that she's thinking about her turn now, and if and when it happens, don't be surprised.


----------



## Entropy3000

TexasCouple993 said:


> Ohh by the way, If I even hint at I want to put my foot down and say I am not going to take this anymore. First thing she does is says I am controlling and that I run her life. That I am no better then her abusive step-dad. She then threatens to talk the kids a leave. Its like she throws that around like hot sauce just to hurt me. Oh she also has took our first children and went and stayed with her mom for 2 weeks when she was 8 months old. So I guess she got me on lock and thinks she can do what she wants.
> 
> I had meet a girl and I was going to hook my brother up with her…. That was a bad move, she went crazy about that, saying I was going to leave her and that I just wanted to go **** this girl and replace her .By the way last night she argued at me about why I do not go out an get on girls for myself.
> 
> So she does not want me having female friends, just imaging the anger that can build up in this kind of relationship. Its one sided, it’s a no win situation. If I stand up to her, I am being mean and uncaring. My own brother has told me on multiple occasions that I really do not have a choice in the matter if I want to keep my kids. Getting a divorce will just put them through hell.
> 
> What makes it worse is she wants to drag me along with her when she wants to do this stuff. She does not want a threesome or for me to watch. She just wants me to be best buddies with the guys she wants to sleep with. In her world that makes since but in mine it does not, hell she will not even talk or add my ex gf on face book. She has tried, we both have mixed kids and she wanted her kids to be friends with her kids since we live in the same time. That did not work out, she has started so many arguments about that I can not even count. Even though I have told her I do not like her anymore.
> 
> The only good thing I can see is that she is aware that it is wrong to do the things she does and she wants to get marriage counseling. She knows that wanting other men Is bad when she will not even let me have a female as a friend. She just uses the excuse that she will get jealous if I am friends with another girl.
> 
> I know some guys will wine about all the heartache but I do not, It was my choice to be with her and it is still my choice to be with her. I am going to stay on the train till it wrecks or it going to stay on track.
> 
> I made a commitment me and its my responsibility to live with it. I do not blame her for wanting a open relationship and I try very hard not to blame stuff on her.


There is nothing a man can do once the C word is used. The C word parallizes everything. The C word cannot be dealt with. A man must not resist. Hinting at the C word is about the biggest threat there could be.

Also dude this is just the way she likes to cuckold you. You seem to be down for it. Sorry I cannot relate. Being humiliated is something to avoid for me.


----------



## Entropy3000

Catherine602 said:


> Confused - let's see if I have this right. 6 months ago your wife told you to go out and have ONS and she would spend time with her sister going to the movies and art showings. Then you tell her about your adventures and great sex ensure.
> 
> Now she springs the big one on you. She wants to do what you did. There is the rub - she played you like a fine fiddle. Here is what may really may have happened.
> 
> She has the urge to have sex with men other than your good self but uses a very cleaver way to go about getting what she wants. She test you - giving you permission to cheat which of course you do, never thinking that you were in for the same from her. Fool. Now she has you where she wants tge traps been sprung and she can now do what she wanted to do in the first place. There is not much you can do now with out seeming to use two standards of behavior one for her and one for you.
> 
> What is done is done- you were quick to break your marriage vows with no thought of what you were doing accept to think you were lucky to be able to cheat with no consequences. You were living everyone dream now you are facing every man's nightmare.
> 
> You don't want her to have other men but you want other women. Either you committ to you wife and marriage or divorce and go your separate ways. This was not a problem when you took two women home to have sex so why is it such a big problem now?
> 
> Why did you let this into your marriage? You have to start from the beginning - you were very ready to cheat on her and by that you demonstrated the weakness of your commitment she may have suspected that. Now you have the task of examining why you were so quick to cheat and fix the problems in your relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Catherine602

Entropy3000 said:


> There is nothing a man can do once the C word is used. The C word parallizes everything. The C word cannot be dealt with. A man must not resist. Hinting at the C word is about the biggest threat there could be.


You lost me E what do you mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jenis

Catherine602 said:


> You lost me E what do you mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Control (controlling), I think.


----------



## Entropy3000

Catherine602 said:


> You lost me E what do you mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Controlling. It seems to scare many men somehow. The fear of being called ... CONTROLLING. It freezes them. Kinda like the peg that holds the elephant from moving. I have no idea why it effects them this way. It seems that being called controlling has such a stigma that it is worse than the their wives cheating on them. Go figure. This seems even more potent than the "I" word. Insecure. Sure people can be both controlling and insecure. But it appears that the men whose wives are engaged in extramarital activity are always called these things when they try to object. Why would a man care about being called controlling if he feels he is doing the right thing? Just too submissive for me.


----------



## Entropy3000

whammy said:


> Not liberal, *this is a very BETA way of thinking.* *No real man would ever let another man touch his wife. I am the king of the universe, actually I am the ONLY man in my universe... and with that do you think I would let another man in my wife? hell no. My mantra is that if she wants to act single then i will MAKE her single*. Not trying to talk about myself but Im saying you should be like this. Your wife doesnt even have enough respect for you to not talking about getting f*cked by other guys. There is a reason that over half of all marriages end in divorce and 80% of those divorces are initiated by women... Just as there are certain behaviors that attract women (having game) there are certain behaviors that husbands do to kill their wife's attraction (beta provider type behavior). I have said this in other posts but being a good husband is not being a purse carrying, dish doing, cuddly wuddly hubby... *being a good husband is being the man that your wife wants to get f*cked by.* There are things you are doing (maybe you dont realize it) that is killing your wives attraction for you. And when attraction goes, feelings of love soon follow. *BEING IN LOVE IS ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON SEXUAL ATTRACTION.
> *
> I know you want to be understanding and see things from you wifes point of view or whatever but *F*CK THAT!.* I know you want to be fair becasue you had sex with other women but F*CK THAT! fight for you woman, make her want you again. And the first thing you need is shut this sh*t down. Put your f*cking boot through all this bullsh*t like a f*cking caveman. tell her "it aint happening or we aint happening" and dont be scared to lose your kids...fight for them too. To be honest with you, standing up for yourself and showing you wife that you are good without her will be a good step in the direction of making your wife want you again. Be an alpha male again and never stop... that is what your wife is looking for.


He messed up by going and screwing around after she mentioned it. He was manipulated but he willingly went. WTF!?

This is why I have set my priorities as :

1) My wife's lover
2) Her best male friend
3) Husband

You would think Husband would cover it all but evidently not. So I take the above priorities now. Not that I had an issue with my wife but it helps my thought process. It does also effect our relationship in a positive way. i think like her lover first.


----------



## Entropy3000

Syrum said:


> You were quick to cheat and didn't seem to care about the state of your marriage then. Are you really so foolish as to believe a wife who wasn't cheating, didn't want to cheat or really cared about you, would offer such a thing? :scratchhead:


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Entropy3000

TexasCouple993 said:


> I have been exactly where you are at, an let me tell you. Once she does this then the relationship is over. Now I am open to having and open relationship, we both were in the beginning but her actions and behavior have almost turned me away from it.
> 
> We have had 2 threesomes, the first 1 was with one of her friends. She stayed over for a week and all 3 of us had hot sex every night. We she left that was it, I had no feelings for her what so ever. In fact we really fell out of contact with her. I recently found out she got married and is happy.
> 
> The 2nd threesome was with my best friend, you think it would have went the same way right. WRONG! They both fell in love with each other she wanted a 3way relationship with him. At first I really did not have a problem with it, I figured it would be over, after all we had a threesome with a girl an it was only fair. Well she and him started falling in love with each other. She started wanting to be around him more an more. It got to the point where she gave me and ultimatum, let her be with him or she is leaving and talking the kids with her. It was not tell she realized he was not going to take care of the kids did she come back to me. Oh by the way she decided during this whole 3 month fling she was not going to make love to me but she wouldn’t allow me to sleep on the couch. She did not even bother to move out. Well they stopped talking and she came back all crying to me. I gave her the I told you so speech and she said she would never do it again. Just think all this drama was going on and I had to try an hide it from our kids. Well we get counseling because I actually believe in a marriage and I did not want to break our family up. The kids love us to death and I would hate to see them loose their Daddy. You think it would have ended there, WRONG AGAIN. Just two years later here they are going at it again, same as the first time, she wanted to leave me for him. But like the first time he just wanted her. Well then it happen again just last year, she just could not stay away form him.
> 
> Now let me be clear about this, I was all for having a 3-way relationship, we where really good friends and he really did care about her. He just was not ready for kids and I do not blame him, being a father is no easy job. I was also clear with her that if some girl came a long an I liked her a lot then she would be apart of us too. Well guess what, some girl did come a long and I started having strong feelings for her. Everything seemed like it was going to work, she really wanted it to I believe but she just could not get over him. So she decided she did not want to be her friend anymore. Well **** she shot that down after 9 months. I did not even sleep with her or kiss her. I got as for as your pretty with her, she knew I liked her and how I felt about her and I knew how she felt. I told her as long as you know how I feel I am good, she has a boyfriend and I was not about to break her and him up.
> 
> That was just a few months ago, me and her still talk everyone other day but I wife will not even talk to her. She gets mad when I bring her up. I thought they were good friends. Well I though her wanted to sleep with other guys was done. I have not been with anyone else since the first 3some, she has been with her guy more times then I can count. Since I am not a sex freak the lack of sex was not a big problem for me, there were times we I would bring it up but she always had an excuse. Her whole relationship with him over a 5 year period was only about 5 months total, so after the initial fling it really didn’t pick up much. Just a lot of chatting and phone talking.
> 
> Well after she realized he was not coming back, she started looking for other guys. Meet 2 or 3 and we all had lunch. I really did not have a choice in the matter since we both worked at the same place and I did not get notice of it tell lunch. She dropped all 3 of them when all the wanted was sex from her. Again I gave her the I told you so speech.
> 
> Now I know others are think, why are you still with this women, she does not care about you or respect you. All of you are right. I grew up without a Father and after he died 3 years ago I found out he had another family. He really did not give a **** about me and my brother one bit. So I am not going to abandon my kids, so I am going to do everything in my power to keep them and as long as she decided to stay in the marriage I am ok, it means no divorce drama for the kids. Tell you the truth if she leaves I will not be hurt that much. I love her to death but I can not always worry about her ****, and despite my best efforts my older daughter 6 Is starting to wonder why mommy is always mad at Daddy.
> 
> Sex is Sex to me and Making Love is Making Love, I know the difference and so does she. I have come to realize that she may not stop and she might need professional help. **** her mom does 100% and more of the **** she does. Both my Mother and my Brother believe I should stick with her until she finally does leave. I am very surprised by how many people tell me not to leave. Even her own mom begged me not to leave her.
> 
> Now I have a friend who also went through something similar, he ended up moving out of his own house an getting a ****ty apartment. The girl kept his house and moved the guy in and makes him pay the $900 rent. He really got ****ed over. I can not say I am doing better but if I wanted to go out and get another girl I could. I do photography with models an I know a **** load of girls that would get with me. Hell several girls have flat out told my wife they want me.
> 
> In the last 3 days I found out she wants to sleep with another guy, he works with her( I quit working there due to the fact I am going to the Police Academy next year and I need a job with less hours so I can focus on my classes) well you know she is not going to leave me, she has been the biggest support and My brother and me wanting to be cops.
> So here we go again plus she wants me to slept with her friend from work. Just last night we had a huge argument about me being boring and a goody to shoes and why wont I get drunk with her and **** her friend bull****. I told her if you want to get ****ed by all means do so, but do not drag me in the whole with you and do not come at me with the guilt trip when its done. She got pissed and started chatting with her guy friend.
> 
> My brother just looked at her like she was crazy and said when you loose him its your own fault.
> 
> For all the people that read this, I have the full support of my family and hers and have had it for the last 6 years. They all want to see us stay together and they have been the biggest reason I have stated in this 8 year long relationship. I would just like to give my 2 cents and to warn OP of how things could turn out. I love my Wife, but sometimes its not worth it.
> 
> Thanks


Married Man Sex Life: How a Bad MMF Leads to Polyamory Weakly

Inviting a third party into a marriage. Sigh. Specifically inviting another man into sleeping with your wife. WTF!?

The husband sets himself up as weak and not attractive. He shares his wife. UFB. He lets another man dominate him with his wife. He has his wife cuckold him. OMG. Then is surprised the wife is attracted to the more Alpha male who is secretly whispering to her that he would never share her.

He risks losing not only his wife but his children and half of everything he owns. Let alone any respect. If the OM would have accepted the children this would have happened.


----------



## TexasCouple993

Yeah I guess I was being too vague again.

That is the case with must couples and did I set myself up, believing we both wanted the something out of our relationship. It was not me being attractive or being weak that was causing the problem. Its something that I understood about her and he did not. He believed if she loved him as much as he said he did then why not leave. 

One of the things my wife always says is I come off to strong with other guys and make them feel like I am watching the with Hawkeye’s. I realize I do not talk much at first but once I get to know someone they all like me. She always excuses me of scary of any guys that want to be her friend. So do not think its me being less of an Alpha that causes her to be like that, maybe she wants me to be involved in it too. That could be the case since she keeps wanting to drag me off to hang with her guy friends.

I think my wife in particular is going about things differently then most wives would. Yeah he was whispering in her ear that he would not sure. In fact he did a lot of the things that I do for her. He even started going to school to be a photographer and now he is talking about going to the police academy. It really came down to him proving all of what he was saying, its one thing to whisper in someone’s ear that you are the better choice but if its just talk then that’s it. It takes more to being a man then to steal someone’s wife, hell cheating is something that’s common now days.

A hard working men that takes care of his family is not, you can make all the money in the world and be a sorry father to you kids. You can be the best looking men and the best lover in the world and be a sorry spouse. Its simple women want a dependable men, sex will always be sex.

One of the things I understand about my wife is that if someone shows interest in her she will go crazy over it. She is a model(no she is not a big named model at all and she just a regular girl that’s pretty enough to model that’s all) and she loves when guys or girls comment on her modeling. So I am in a way used to guys hitting on her, so I do understand why she likes the attention. 

If that was the only problem then it would something I can handle, but for her to be paranoid about me being with other women to the point were we do not have any is a different story. As of right now I am not even allowed to hang out with her friends unless she is there. I have to ask permission to add them on face book. We even have arguments over past models I have worked with.

I’m still not sure why she still stays, it makes no sense to me if she still wants to do it. The OM was in no way more Alpha then I am, in fact it came to the point where he was begging her to let him talk to me. I really do not know why she feels the need to talk and flirt with other men. They all end up wanting to have sex with her, so far the First guy is the only one she has slept with. 

Its how one sided the relationship is that is my problem, if I fell in love with every girl that came along I be in a lot of trouble but I do not fall in love with them. I do not even get the chance to be their friends and people always asking me why I am so stuck up. I have had models ask me to loosen up at a photo shoots, they do not understand why I have to work on egg shells in I am not trying to hit on them.

Let me say that Its my understanding that she wants to be loved and believes that she has to feel loved by a lot of people. So of it may be due to her childhood, I don’t know. My family does believe that’s why she does some of the things she does. I believe it because she always says I am perfect. Its one of the things we argue about a lot, she expects me to be out cheating left and right, she still thinks I am going to be abusive towards her and we have been together for a long time. It may be something completely different and trying to push her to explain to me only makes it worse.


----------



## JRiZZY

I don't think an open marriage is EVER a good idea. Why get married? I think we all would love a bit of that excitement we had in the beginning, but if I wanted to sleep with more than one man I wouldn't have gotten married. I think it is a lazy and selfish idea to be honest.


----------



## nada

BigToe said:


> Well you're trapped now. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. You don't have a choice of offering her the same option, she's entitled at this point.


IMHO, this is a load of BS!!! She gave him permission, which is her choice. It doesn't mean that he have to give her the same permission. If she want to cheat, that is her option.


My X gave me a similar permission, but she did not want to know anything about if, when etc. I would never accept that my woman would do other men.

Rgds
Nada


----------



## nada

confusedGuy123 said:


> I know you may think I am being gullible but I believe that she has not been with someone else. I agree that she wants her cake and wants to eat it too.
> Again, I am just curious if anyone else has an arrangement like this or has an experience at least talking about it with their spouse.
> I know its not for everyone, its a very liberal way of thinking. But, I guess I cant decide where I am on it. But I will need to figure it out before she is with anyone.


Dude, Be a MAN and set the RULES! Tell her that if she procedes with her wet fantacies you will put her on the street immediately. She gave you PERMISSION to do ONS that was her decission. You have your limits and can give her the choice of marriage or doing other men. I would seek legal advise, just in case it will be required.

Best wishes
Nada


----------



## nada

Syrum said:


> You were quick to cheat and didn't seem to care about the state of your marriage then. Are you really so foolish as to believe a wife who wasn't cheating, didn't want to cheat or really cared about you, would offer such a thing? :scratchhead:


In my book, cheating is going behind your partners back. Is your definition different? 

Rgds
Nada


----------



## nada

whammy said:


> Not liberal, this is a very BETA way of thinking. No real man would ever let another man touch his wife. I am the king of the universe, actually I am the ONLY man in my universe... and with that do you think I would let another man in my wife? hell no. My mantra is that if she wants to act single then i will MAKE her single. Not trying to talk about myself but Im saying you should be like this. Your wife doesnt even have enough respect for you to not talking about getting f*cked by other guys. There is a reason that over half of all marriages end in divorce and 80% of those divorces are initiated by women... Just as there are certain behaviors that attract women (having game) there are certain behaviors that husbands do to kill their wife's attraction (beta provider type behavior). I have said this in other posts but being a good husband is not being a purse carrying, dish doing, cuddly wuddly hubby... being a good husband is being the man that your wife wants to get f*cked by. There are things you are doing (maybe you dont realize it) that is killing your wives attraction for you. And when attraction goes, feelings of love soon follow. BEING IN LOVE IS ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON SEXUAL ATTRACTION.
> 
> I know you want to be understanding and see things from you wifes point of view or whatever but F*CK THAT!. I know you want to be fair becasue you had sex with other women but F*CK THAT! fight for you woman, make her want you again. And the first thing you need is shut this sh*t down. Put your f*cking boot through all this bullsh*t like a f*cking caveman. tell her "it aint happening or we aint happening" and dont be scared to lose your kids...fight for them too. To be honest with you, standing up for yourself and showing you wife that you are good without her will be a good step in the direction of making your wife want you again. Be an alpha male again and never stop... that is what your wife is looking for.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## nada

TexasCouple993 said:


> Yeah I guess I was being too vague again.
> 
> That is the case with must couples and did I set myself up, believing we both wanted the something out of our relationship. It was not me being attractive or being weak that was causing the problem. Its something that I understood about her and he did not. He believed if she loved him as much as he said he did then why not leave.
> 
> One of the things my wife always says is I come off to strong with other guys and make them feel like I am watching the with Hawkeye’s. I realize I do not talk much at first but once I get to know someone they all like me. She always excuses me of scary of any guys that want to be her friend. So do not think its me being less of an Alpha that causes her to be like that, maybe she wants me to be involved in it too. That could be the case since she keeps wanting to drag me off to hang with her guy friends.
> 
> I think my wife in particular is going about things differently then most wives would. Yeah he was whispering in her ear that he would not sure. In fact he did a lot of the things that I do for her. He even started going to school to be a photographer and now he is talking about going to the police academy. It really came down to him proving all of what he was saying, its one thing to whisper in someone’s ear that you are the better choice but if its just talk then that’s it. It takes more to being a man then to steal someone’s wife, hell cheating is something that’s common now days.
> 
> A hard working men that takes care of his family is not, you can make all the money in the world and be a sorry father to you kids. You can be the best looking men and the best lover in the world and be a sorry spouse. Its simple women want a dependable men, sex will always be sex.
> 
> One of the things I understand about my wife is that if someone shows interest in her she will go crazy over it. She is a model(no she is not a big named model at all and she just a regular girl that’s pretty enough to model that’s all) and she loves when guys or girls comment on her modeling. So I am in a way used to guys hitting on her, so I do understand why she likes the attention.
> 
> If that was the only problem then it would something I can handle, but for her to be paranoid about me being with other women to the point were we do not have any is a different story. As of right now I am not even allowed to hang out with her friends unless she is there. I have to ask permission to add them on face book. We even have arguments over past models I have worked with.
> 
> I’m still not sure why she still stays, it makes no sense to me if she still wants to do it. The OM was in no way more Alpha then I am, in fact it came to the point where he was begging her to let him talk to me. I really do not know why she feels the need to talk and flirt with other men. They all end up wanting to have sex with her, so far the First guy is the only one she has slept with.
> 
> Its how one sided the relationship is that is my problem, if I fell in love with every girl that came along I be in a lot of trouble but I do not fall in love with them. I do not even get the chance to be their friends and people always asking me why I am so stuck up. I have had models ask me to loosen up at a photo shoots, they do not understand why I have to work on egg shells in I am not trying to hit on them.
> 
> Let me say that Its my understanding that she wants to be loved and believes that she has to feel loved by a lot of people. So of it may be due to her childhood, I don’t know. My family does believe that’s why she does some of the things she does. I believe it because she always says I am perfect. Its one of the things we argue about a lot, she expects me to be out cheating left and right, she still thinks I am going to be abusive towards her and we have been together for a long time. It may be something completely different and trying to push her to explain to me only makes it worse.



I am sorry for you man. It is painful to read your story. What ideals for relationship will your kids have when they grow up? As they grow older they will see that your wife is unusually disrespectful to you and you want your kids to think this is ok?

You can divorse her and have custody of your kids and your life would be far better?

I am sad.
Nada


----------



## aniahunks

You shouldn't let her do that. And don't do that either. Respect each other and you should be contented with your marriage. Wanting more leads to destruction for both of you.


----------



## Mr B

Chances are that this would have happened no matter who she married. Some people can only get fully aroused when they are with a new partner. They need a high level of sexual stimulation that being with someone new provides.

This isn't all bad as long as she realizes that if she ever was tempted to fall in love with one of her sex partners, that this need for newness will arise again and she will end up repeating the process creating a lot of collateral damage to others. If she understands this she will remain loyal to you and the marriage and see her need for newness and variety as something she can do something about without endangering her current marital situation (as long as you agree to let her have sex with others)

However, this is much harder to do for a woman with these kinds of sexual needs than it is for a man. Woman tend to value intimacy even during casual sex whereas men don't and are happy with the physical act alone. But if she is self aware and mature about her relationships this may not present a problem. Indeed it very well may keep your marriage from falling apart or becoming sexless in the long run


----------



## Deejo

Goldie Hawn. Who knew?

Big fan of the open marriage.


----------



## friendlyguy

Women have a mid-life crisis at age 30...she is due. Do you have a good friend who can accommodate her sexually...I know I am being crude, but she is going to have sex with another man anyhow....its genetic desire.


----------



## that_girl

I didn't have a midlife crisis at age 30 .... ..... Did I miss that memo?

Hubs would NEVER share me. Ever. Nor would I want another man's hands on my body. Ever. Gross.

When we want that "new" feeling again, we just flirt with each other and abstain from sex for a few days. We just become total teases towards each other. Then it's on...  But we have a healthy sex life...


----------



## calif_hope

*Zombie Thread*

This thread is back from the dead...
Confused last posted: 06/2011
Last post: 10/11

No longer resting in peace!


----------



## cloudwithleggs

My estranged husband now says he is ok for me to sleep with other men, he just doesn't want to know about it.

He wants to stay married though, he has cancer for the second time. I am very afraid for him and it does disturb/upset me and i'm not coping well knowing that he may die.

He is not going to get better, he has always separated us with 7,000 miles, why god knows, excuses.

All i know is i can't do with out sex any more, the only issue with other men is std's or getting pregnant, pretty big issues i suppose.

We always had loads of sex when we were together and when parted cam/phone sex, actually we still do :lol: we don't get on any other way.

he had chemo yesterday and still had phone sex with me :scratchhead: 

When his hands actually touch me it is electric and makes my tummy skip, wonders if that is just a need to be touched. :scratchhead:


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## IgglePiggle

confusedGuy123 said:


> I know you may think I am being gullible but I believe that she has not been with someone else. I agree that she wants her cake and wants to eat it too.
> Again, I am just curious if anyone else has an arrangement like this or has an experience at least talking about it with their spouse.
> I know its not for everyone, its a very liberal way of thinking. But, I guess I cant decide where I am on it. But I will need to figure it out before she is with anyone.


Hubby suggested 'swinging' to me 2 years back as a way to save our marriage.....I have lost all sensual, sexual and intimate feelings for him....he thought it may be the answer......
It has been fun and we both enjoyit...well hubby does initially but missed our intimacy,.....I enjoy the buzz of someone new.....but love him and our life in another way....I dont want to seperate or split as I cant imagine him not in my life.....

I dont know what else to say......I cant see us maintaining this lifestyle....I think we are papering over the cracks.....


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## hookares

'123, should you decide to go along with your wife's proposal, then all I can say is : welcome to the life of the single person.
Living even eight days a month not devoting your efforts to your spouse and family is the very same as not being married at all.
Now that I am no longer in a marriage, nor have children to consider, this is exactly as I live.
Had I had a relationship like the one you describe before your wife discovered "variety", I'm certain I would have preferred that which you once had.


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## allisterfiend

You dont marry a WH***, you hire them.


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## sandc

IgglePiggle said:


> Hubby suggested 'swinging' to me 2 years back as a way to save our marriage.....I have lost all sensual, sexual and intimate feelings for him....he thought it may be the answer......
> It has been fun and we both enjoyit...well hubby does initially but missed our intimacy,.....I enjoy the buzz of someone new.....but love him and our life in another way....I dont want to seperate or split as I cant imagine him not in my life.....
> 
> I dont know what else to say......I cant see us maintaining this lifestyle....I think we are papering over the cracks.....


Every swingers resource states plainly that one should not enter into swinging in an attempt to save a marriage. So sorry you are in that situation.


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## deanowoods666

ok

me and my wife of 2 years ( i know its not long but i love her to death) have been talking about 3somes, it hapend on the weekend with a work mate. now what happend was, she seen this guy and wanted to get to know him, i had no problims with that. than it turned into her wanting to **** her, now i had a problem with that but said nothing. we went to hin place for a party and i spoke to him about a 3some. he agreed and we all went to his bed to sleep later in the night (me, my wife and the work mate). now, we all fell asleep and when i woke up her undies were down around her knees and she looked shocked that i was awake. we had the 3some after that and on the drive home i asked her about when i was asleep, she said " i thought you were awake, he played with me and ****ed me a lil". now my question is, should i see that as cheating or not. BTW i was not awake and it is makeing me sick thinking about it.


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## ItsAllAboutTheWoman

There's someone else. There is not a woman alive who is going to say, "Hey, I think we should go out and start having sex with other people... seperately."


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## Michael A. Brown

Your wife seems so unfair. You are now married but she still want to sleep with other men just to satisfy her needs.


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## Woodchuck

She waved the bait under your nose and you snapped it up. You thought you were going to be able to get some "strange" and not pay any consequences. You are trapped like a rat.

You don't have any choice but to let her have her fling/flings.
I don't see any good coming from this arrangement.


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## Plan 9 from OS

I know this is some sort of zombie thread but...

If my wife wanted to sleep with other men, I'd tell her go ahead, but if you do I'll no longer be in your life and we'd divorce. The end.


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## ladynsniffer

Affairs happen. A section of this message board is all about infidelity. Plenty of threads in this section discusses mismatched sex drives, etc. For some couples, swinging, threesomes, and possibly cuckolding is the sex life they want. There is no right or wrong here. Just issues to resolve.

Most couples promise fidelity when they get married. This is good. Having another sex partner brings lots of problems in to the marriage. Jealousy, of course, can be so bad as to lead to violence, or at the very least, drama and arguments. What if the 3rd sex partner is way better at sex? Envy can create its own set of problems. A wife can develop "feelings" for her lover. The list of issues is long.

If the couple sees their marriage as solid and they have great communication then a swinging or threesome lifestyle can be successful. But, it takes time and effort. I live an "alternative" lifestyle with my wife. There were a few bumps in the road but it has worked out well for us.

If we all wanted sex exactly the same way and wanted our marriages to be carbon copies of each other, life would be quite boring.

Marcus


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## Plan 9 from OS

ladynsniffer said:


> Affairs happen. A section of this message board is all about infidelity. Plenty of threads in this section discusses mismatched sex drives, etc. For some couples, swinging, threesomes, and possibly cuckolding is the sex life they want. There is no right or wrong here. Just issues to resolve.
> 
> Most couples promise fidelity when they get married. This is good. Having another sex partner brings lots of problems in to the marriage. Jealousy, of course, can be so bad as to lead to violence, or at the very least, drama and arguments. What if the 3rd sex partner is way better at sex? Envy can create its own set of problems. A wife can develop "feelings" for her lover. The list of issues is long.
> 
> If the couple sees their marriage as solid and they have great communication then a swinging or threesome lifestyle can be successful. But, it takes time and effort. I live an "alternative" lifestyle with my wife. There were a few bumps in the road but it has worked out well for us.
> 
> If we all wanted sex exactly the same way and wanted our marriages to be carbon copies of each other, life would be quite boring.
> 
> Marcus


If it works for you and your wife, then have at it. To me, the risks are tremendous and the reward is mediocre at best. The chances of engaging in threesomes and swinging ultimately ruining the marriage are significant. From what I've seen, you have to have a number of things go your way and you actually have to condition yourself to accept new realities plus train yourself to change your emotional responses in order to accept the swinging lifestyle. I wrote about Ockham's razor in another thread, and I'm using it as my judge for whether it's worth while swinging or not. It is not.


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## Toffer

Sorry

Can't get past the original post yet alone pages of responses!

All I'm going to say is that she opened Pandora's box for you and you jumped right in. Now that it's payback time, it's a different story huh?

Maybe when I have the time I'll read the rest of this but I can summ up my thoughts in a couple of points

-She was already involved with somone when this great idea of here was presented
-If she wasn't involved, she had someone in mind
-You need to investigate 
-Counseling, Counseling, Counseling

It breaks my heart when little kids are involved in situations like this


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## [email protected]

Its so bad that you couldn't see what's coming behind a ONE NIGHT STAND!!!...Be prepared & try to grasp breath as much as you can!!!


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## OpenandWilling

confusedGuy123 said:


> My wife and I have been married for 5 years. She is 31 and I am 37, we have 2 kids, 4 and 2.
> About a month ago my wife told me that she is having a “pre-mid” life crisis. She said that she has lost her identity and independence. We have the luxury of my wife staying home with our kids. She left a teaching job to take care of our 2 kids.
> One thing she suggested to help her was to have both of us start taking a day or two every other weekend to do something for our selves. It could be whatever we want. Her thought was to give each person some personal time to do anything. She has been going out with her sister and staying the night. Then she comes home in the afternoon the next day after unwinding. This was totally fine with me and seemed like a logical way of dealing with her loss of Independence.
> This weekend she told me that its more than just wanting time to herself. She now says that she has the feeling of wanting to sleep with other men. It’s not that she wants to run out and just start sleeping with everyone. Its just that she doesn't want to make a mistake one night without letting me know her feelings first. She told me that she doesn't think that monogamy makes sense in a marriage. She doesn't think that is logical for me to be able to give her everything. She misses the butterflies of meeting someone new and misses the freedom of going out on first dates. We have a great relationship and she does truly love me. She just said she needs more right now. She has given me the option as well and actually told me to do this about 6 months ago. This was before she told me about her feelings of wanting the same option. Since then I have actually gone home with 2 women and had one night stands. She told me this was a way to spice things up in our relationship. After i told her about my one night stands we had great sex and it did get things going. I am just not sure I am secure enough to be OK with the same thing. I feel bad that I cant offer her the same option. She says sex is sex and she doesnt want to create an emotional tie with these guys. Its just a way to satisfy the itch of that freedom and liberating feeling that it used to give her. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is anyone else in an open marriage which is what she is wanting. I love her and my kids, I love our family and we really do have a great thing going on. I am just confused.


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## OpenandWilling

confusedGuy123 said:


> My wife and I have been married for 5 years. She is 31 and I am 37, we have 2 kids, 4 and 2.
> About a month ago my wife told me that she is having a “pre-mid” life crisis. She said that she has lost her identity and independence. We have the luxury of my wife staying home with our kids. She left a teaching job to take care of our 2 kids.
> One thing she suggested to help her was to have both of us start taking a day or two every other weekend to do something for our selves. It could be whatever we want. Her thought was to give each person some personal time to do anything. She has been going out with her sister and staying the night. Then she comes home in the afternoon the next day after unwinding. This was totally fine with me and seemed like a logical way of dealing with her loss of Independence.
> This weekend she told me that its more than just wanting time to herself. She now says that she has the feeling of wanting to sleep with other men. It’s not that she wants to run out and just start sleeping with everyone. Its just that she doesn't want to make a mistake one night without letting me know her feelings first. She told me that she doesn't think that monogamy makes sense in a marriage. She doesn't think that is logical for me to be able to give her everything. She misses the butterflies of meeting someone new and misses the freedom of going out on first dates. We have a great relationship and she does truly love me. She just said she needs more right now. She has given me the option as well and actually told me to do this about 6 months ago. This was before she told me about her feelings of wanting the same option. Since then I have actually gone home with 2 women and had one night stands. She told me this was a way to spice things up in our relationship. After i told her about my one night stands we had great sex and it did get things going. I am just not sure I am secure enough to be OK with the same thing. I feel bad that I cant offer her the same option. She says sex is sex and she doesnt want to create an emotional tie with these guys. Its just a way to satisfy the itch of that freedom and liberating feeling that it used to give her. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is anyone else in an open marriage which is what she is wanting. I love her and my kids, I love our family and we really do have a great thing going on. I am just confused.


Hey Confused Guy
This what happens when people start talking. The cardinal rule if you are going to mess around is to keep your mouth shut. If you tell anyone... best friend, siblings chances are increased your other half is going to find out. I give your wife credit for at least trying to add some spice into your then current relationship. When a wife brings that up most husbands fade on the vine... they don't discuss it and lay down the law.
No relationship stays the same. It is impossible... and if you remain too rigid something will break,
All this talk about being a man, cuckold, being played mean nothing on their own. Remember there is a lot of hurt and anger on this forum.
I am that guy wives play with. Some are just like yours... married between 4 to eight years, 27 - 33... some with kids.. They all were very attractive, and enjoyed sex... and were concerned life was slipping by... life had become predictable and dull. The men that chased them and married them now ignored their needs. And in my experience these same wives were married to guys that were so busy trying to provide and build for the future they took their wives as being worker-bees as well and they unintentionally neglected them. These husbands did not HEAR what their wives were trying to say. I was a good listener.
After they learned that I kept my mouth shut and our private discussions were not repeated in the office... she would tell me more. Believe it or not I would hear their most erotic fantasies... and if pushed they would admit that telling me was naughty and exciting in a way.
At some point I asked a question: If you could live this fantasy of yours for one evening and know you would be safe from any harm physically, mentally and without risk to health or your relationship would they like to do it?
Those that asked "How can it be done?" or any variation of it set wheels in motion. Ground rules were set and if she liked them, then our next encounter would be a lot different
If your wife had met a guy like me she would have had some wild sex over a few encounters and it would have ended. And you would have never known. I would have explored her wild side not you... even in 3somes or dominant situations.
But your wife I would bet did not want that. to me she wanted to explore things with you... in her open and frank conversations she was in my opinion being true to your relationship.. she wanted you involved... and when you wouldn't listen and tried to control her... she tested your bonds... did what she had to do and things went the way it did. Sex is possibly the strongest motivator on the planet.

Many relationships start out monogamous, then go through an experimental time, and then become monogamous again. It depends entirely on what you both want and how open you both are to listening to one another as your life and needs continue to change. To any nay-Sayers that say that would never happen... don't give up too quickly.


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## OpenandWilling

IgglePiggle said:


> Hubby suggested 'swinging' to me 2 years back as a way to save our marriage.....I have lost all sensual, sexual and intimate feelings for him....he thought it may be the answer......
> It has been fun and we both enjoyit...well hubby does initially but missed our intimacy,.....I enjoy the buzz of someone new.....but love him and our life in another way....I dont want to seperate or split as I cant imagine him not in my life.....
> 
> I dont know what else to say......I cant see us maintaining this lifestyle....I think we are papering over the cracks.....


When you say you are papering over the cracks it makes me wonder... in the beginning were you both wanting to try this... or did you go into this feeling reluctant? Or worse?
Do you think it may be part of the reason why you have lost your intimate feeling for him?


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## CuddleBug

confusedGuy123 said:


> My wife and I have been married for 5 years. She is 31 and I am 37, we have 2 kids, 4 and 2.
> About a month ago my wife told me that she is having a “pre-mid” life crisis. She said that she has lost her identity and independence. We have the luxury of my wife staying home with our kids. She left a teaching job to take care of our 2 kids.
> One thing she suggested to help her was to have both of us start taking a day or two every other weekend to do something for our selves. It could be whatever we want. Her thought was to give each person some personal time to do anything. She has been going out with her sister and staying the night. Then she comes home in the afternoon the next day after unwinding. This was totally fine with me and seemed like a logical way of dealing with her loss of Independence.
> This weekend she told me that its more than just wanting time to herself. She now says that she has the feeling of wanting to sleep with other men. It’s not that she wants to run out and just start sleeping with everyone. Its just that she doesn't want to make a mistake one night without letting me know her feelings first. She told me that she doesn't think that monogamy makes sense in a marriage. She doesn't think that is logical for me to be able to give her everything. She misses the butterflies of meeting someone new and misses the freedom of going out on first dates. We have a great relationship and she does truly love me. She just said she needs more right now. She has given me the option as well and actually told me to do this about 6 months ago. This was before she told me about her feelings of wanting the same option. Since then I have actually gone home with 2 women and had one night stands. She told me this was a way to spice things up in our relationship. After i told her about my one night stands we had great sex and it did get things going. I am just not sure I am secure enough to be OK with the same thing. I feel bad that I cant offer her the same option. She says sex is sex and she doesnt want to create an emotional tie with these guys. Its just a way to satisfy the itch of that freedom and liberating feeling that it used to give her. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is anyone else in an open marriage which is what she is wanting. I love her and my kids, I love our family and we really do have a great thing going on. I am just confused.



Your lady, decided to marry you and then have kids. No one forced her to do this.

She could of said, no, I'm too young to get married and have kids and I want to party still, but she didn't.

She is an adult woman and not a teenage girl living at home.

When getting married, its the holy bonds of matrimony and you don't go out and have sex with other people. Common sense.

By her suggesting all this now, tells me, she is already seeing someone and making excuses to justify it away.

What does this say to your kids? Oh, mom is out sleeping with other men?!

What message does this say to your parents, kids, God?

She says she lost her independence. Then why did she get married and have the kids in first place? Why not just date, no attachments?

I would love to go out and sleep with hot, young, liberated, women, SWEET. But I am married, not an animal and my marriage vows mean something and not just a piece of paper.

By having sex with other people while you are married is ADULTERY.

Why are you guys even married?

Do you think being married is easy with no struggles along the way?


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## Shaggy

Guys this is a zombie thread from last year.


But the take away when any spouse wants to cheat is to file for D because that is what they really are asking for.


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## redheat

confusedGuy123 said:


> My wife and I have been married for 5 years. She is 31 and I am 37, we have 2 kids, 4 and 2.
> About a month ago my wife told me that she is having a “pre-mid” life crisis. She said that she has lost her identity and independence. We have the luxury of my wife staying home with our kids. She left a teaching job to take care of our 2 kids.
> One thing she suggested to help her was to have both of us start taking a day or two every other weekend to do something for our selves. It could be whatever we want. Her thought was to give each person some personal time to do anything. She has been going out with her sister and staying the night. Then she comes home in the afternoon the next day after unwinding. This was totally fine with me and seemed like a logical way of dealing with her loss of Independence.
> This weekend she told me that its more than just wanting time to herself. She now says that she has the feeling of wanting to sleep with other men. It’s not that she wants to run out and just start sleeping with everyone. Its just that she doesn't want to make a mistake one night without letting me know her feelings first. She told me that she doesn't think that monogamy makes sense in a marriage. She doesn't think that is logical for me to be able to give her everything. She misses the butterflies of meeting someone new and misses the freedom of going out on first dates. We have a great relationship and she does truly love me. She just said she needs more right now. She has given me the option as well and actually told me to do this about 6 months ago. This was before she told me about her feelings of wanting the same option. Since then I have actually gone home with 2 women and had one night stands. She told me this was a way to spice things up in our relationship. After i told her about my one night stands we had great sex and it did get things going. I am just not sure I am secure enough to be OK with the same thing. I feel bad that I cant offer her the same option. She says sex is sex and she doesnt want to create an emotional tie with these guys. Its just a way to satisfy the itch of that freedom and liberating feeling that it used to give her. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is anyone else in an open marriage which is what she is wanting. I love her and my kids, I love our family and we really do have a great thing going on. I am just confused.


Dude, just go for it, don't listen to your thought process, most of the time it holds back the person from doing anything in life not just sexual fantasies but even day to day activities of life, even as simple as buying yourself a coffee to saying **** its $2 lemme see to it tomorrow to by passing a good holiday deal, coz you have some other commitment to meet and at the end of the day both are not met, so just listen to your heart, take your wife's consent, if she happy and ok and you are mentally prepared and ok JUST GO FOR IT...


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## EleGirl

This is a zombie thread... about 4 years old. The original poster on this thread is not here anymore.

I'm locking this thread.


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