# SAHM Considerations?



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I posted about a similar issue a couple of months ago but I'm pondering either quitting my job or cutting back drastically on work to be home basically full-time. I might try to start my own part-time business from home but basically, I want to be a SAHM (I think!).

This is going to mean a 60% cut in our total income (at least until or if I make some money on the side), moving to a new house in order to downsize and other fairly drastic changes in lifestyle. On the flip side, it will mean more time for everything. Me, my husband, my 2 kids, our house, everything! 


My biggest worries are:

1. Being constantly stressed about money. Not being able to take vacations, buy things as we normally would, etc.
2. Putting a lot of pressure on my husband and his job as the sole provider. Maybe him resenting me for this.
3. Being dependent on him in case something were to happen to him, his job, our relationship (not that I expect that), etc.
4. Going nuts. I haven't been without a job since I was 16. Not at all! I've never had more than 2 weeks off except for during my maternity leave in which I did go a little nuts.

For those that have made this transition, any advice? Pros/cons to consider?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old are your kids? Would working part-time be feasible instead?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

My boys are 9 and 5.

Part-time might be feasible, although my employer wouldn't be happy about it, but my office is 45 minutes from home. So it's such a long commute that working a half day almost doesn't make sense. Maybe working 2 full days or something like that might work but my husband is disabled and part of the reason for doing this is that I can be home when he gets home from work to help him transfer to and from bed and possibly be able to drive him places (he can't drive at all). So it's tricky.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thoughts... In general, I have some issues when someone wants to be a SAHM when the kids are in school full-time. Just doesn't seem that there's enough to do at home to justify it. And at the end of my marriage, I was working from home and watched my wife spend the bulk of her day playing games on her phone. So I'll admit to having some prejudices. . 

In your case... Your husband is disabled. I obviously don't know any details. But is it wise to put all the financial pressures on him then, as well as all your eggs in that one basket? You're the only one that can address that... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Wow. So you want to go from being the primary breadwinner to staying home and placing the entire burden of the family finances on your husband whose disabled.

That sounds like a huge risk to me. Who carries the benefits for your family? What happens if your husband's disability worsens or something happens to him and he's completely unable to work? Have you factored in the likelihood that you won't be able to re-enter the workforce at the same level you left it at? Depending on your field, a stagnating skills level and a break in job history aren't necessarily a plus on your resume. You could end up in a position where you don't have the anticipated earning power that you have now, potentially when you need it most.

The more you talk about this, the more it sounds like burn-out at work. Maybe the solution isn't dropping out of the workforce altogether, but looking for a different job. Face it, what would you be doing hanging out at home with two kids in school that you couldn't have someone come in once a week or twice a month to do for you so that you could have more time with your kids when they're actually home to enjoy you?


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Well, to address both of you, I wouldn't just be at home all day while the kids are in school. As I said, I would be looking to start an at-home business part-time. But obviously there are risks involved and I don't know how much money I can make or when. But I won't just be sitting at home all day twiddling my thumbs. I'm not the type. It would bug me not bringing home any money. As I said, one of my concerns is being dependent on my husband.

And yes, he is disabled and it could be risky putting all of our eggs in one basket so to speak. But at the same time, that's also why it makes the most sense for me to be the one to quit. He could quit but that doesn't do us any good. He can't drive, he can't do any of the housework or cooking or anything so he is the most productive at his job as a software manager. His condition could change, yes, but that's unlikely in the near term. He's no more likely to suddenly stop being able to do his job than any other person. Lots of families have only one breadwinner.

This isn't just work burnout. I actually like my job most of the time. This is more about spending 2 hours a day in the car commuting, never being able to take my kids to their soccer practice or join them in their classroom or on field trips and worrying about my husband not having the help he needs at home. Plus if I was more available to drive him, he would have more opportunities to look for a better job. Basically now he is limited to places very close to home or very close to public transportation.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I did it. I was the primary breadwinner when I quit to stay at home. We lost 63% of our total income. We didn't have to move though so it wasn't THAT drastic. 

My plan was before I quit I saved up enough money to last 3 years and then at that point I'd reevaluate or go back to work.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Your youngest is 5. In a year or so (if not already) he will be at school during the day. This is when many SAHM go back to work. 

My opinion is to keep your job. Maybe try to negotiate going part time. Maybe you could arrange your hours so that you are home when the kids are but working when they are in school.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> Your youngest is 5. In a year or so (if not already) he will be at school during the day. This is when many SAHM go back to work.
> 
> My opinion is to keep your job. Maybe try to negotiate going part time. Maybe you could arrange your hours so that you are home when the kids are but working when they are in school.


I'm just not sure it makes sense to drive 45 minutes each way for a 4 hour work day. Plus it would be very weird at work because nobody else works part-time. It would be difficult to schedule meetings, etc.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How about finding a job closer to you that you can work part time?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

PBear said:


> How about finding a job closer to you that you can work part time?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Realistically, that's probably what I will end up doing. I'm just nervous leaving my comfort zone I guess. I have worked for this company since college, am in an "c" level position, and would feel like I'm letting a lot people down by taking such a drastic step downward. The money I would find at a part-time job would be much less overall and most likely much less even on an hourly basis. 

But I keep trying to balance what is more important - time or money? :scratchhead: Obviously in the end, time is ultimately the most important thing and my kids are already growing up and won't be young forever. I could go back to work full-time when they get older and I'll still be relatively young (early 40s) but I may never be able to find the good gig I have here. OTOH, the reality of my husband's disabilities are proving difficult. It's hard to work a full-time job, take care of 2 kids and a house with no physical help (lots of emotional help though!) from my partner. We have a housekeeper but there's still grocery shopping, cooking, homework, yard work, kids activities, etc. It's just a lot.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Run the numbers, look at housing options, check out programs that will help with retrofitting house, talk to your kids and get their opinions about after school care vs. having a parent at home. Evaluate your plan as a family and see if the job makes sense. Also look at the numbers for getting increased life and disability insurance for your husband, and at Social Security income for both of you were either of you to need it. Also try to get a 4-day work week at work for the meantime, even if it means using up sick/vacation time for a while, so you can try out being at home and also look for part-time work. I would not leave the one job without having the new housing and the new job lined up. Make sure you run all the numbers, you might be surprised at the cost-effectiveness, or maybe not. In any case, you will know absolutely what you're looking at in terms of housing options. The housing and the job's the big thing. I wonder if you're going to move regardless, if you can move closer to your husband's work, or even closer to your work. Make sure you can downsize, i.e. not get stuck not being able to sell current home, and finding a new home that meets your criteria. I think it sounds do-able but it doesn't have to be like jumping off the dock into cold water. It can be done in rational steps that keep you secure.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

What does your husband say?


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## now_awake (May 29, 2013)

I thought staying home was the best thing financially for us at the beginning. Now I'm stuck in this marriage with a cheater and I have no career. 

Everyone's situation is different, but you never know what's going to happen. I never would have put myself in this position if I had a crystal ball.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Another thing to consider is getting back on the job market when you are ready to come back. I'd suggest keeping up with changes in your field and consider refresher courses or certifications.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nicky3791 (Jan 21, 2013)

justonelife said:


> I posted about a similar issue a couple of months ago but I'm pondering either quitting my job or cutting back drastically on work to be home basically full-time. I might try to start my own part-time business from home but basically, I want to be a SAHM (I think!).
> 
> This is going to mean a 60% cut in our total income (at least until or if I make some money on the side), moving to a new house in order to downsize and other fairly drastic changes in lifestyle. On the flip side, it will mean more time for everything. Me, my husband, my 2 kids, our house, everything!
> 
> ...


Ive been a SAHM for years, and I do not sit around playing games, thats for sure. I might watch a show here or there, but rare. I also attend college part-time to keep my sanity, and so that I will have been doing something productive with myself during my time out of the working world.

You will for sure have an easier time keeping up with meals, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, kid stuff, and it can be awesome. But at the same time, financially you may struggle, and forget vacations and pedicures! 

You basically have to make a choice about what is more important to you. Being there at home while your kids are young, and giving up some things in order to gain other things (more important things really), or having a career.

We had to move out of the city, and bought a fixer upper at 1/2 the cost of our last house, got rid of the expensive cell phones and went to straight talk, and paid off all debt other than the house. We do not go on vacations, but we might go do things that are closer, visit museums, music festivals, etc. Things that are not expensive. 

The rewards are worth it. My 6 year old never had to go to daycare, and now doesnt have to go to after school care, and I am here when my boys get home. I can attend parent functions at their school if I need to, and just be involved in their lives more.

The downside is, I get lonely, ALOT. I do go to class 2 days a week, and it helps, but Im secluded other than that. I feel like if you stay at home, you need to have stuff you are involved in so you dont feel alone. 
Also, it can sometimes get boring, and I miss socializing with others... but if you are starting up a business, you will have plenty to do and be around people Im sure!


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I just became a SAHM 5 weeks now. I tend to think that maybe some may be cut out for it and some not. But of course I need a lot more time in it. Sooner or later I know I will have to get involved in something else in addition to being Mommy because I can see myself loving being home so much that I become a boring person and not even care. 

As for make it work financially if it don't work on paper it won't work in real life. You H either have enough to cover your bills or he don't. Shuffling stuff around and eliminate small bills to find more money probably won't work. There need to be money left over for emergency and other unexpected expenses. We tried it out not using my salary for 4 months before we had the baby. But before I got pregnant my H got a much better job but we did not put that extra money into our spending pool so we were living WAY below our means.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

justonelife said:


> My boys are 9 and 5.
> 
> Part-time might be feasible, although my employer wouldn't be happy about it, but my office is 45 minutes from home. So it's such a long commute that working a half day almost doesn't make sense. Maybe working 2 full days or something like that might work but my husband is disabled and part of the reason for doing this is that I can be home when he gets home from work to help him transfer to and from bed and possibly be able to drive him places (he can't drive at all). So it's tricky.


When children are those ages, this is when most mothers start going back to work - at least part-time...

In your shoes I wouldn't consider quitting my job (particularly in the current economic climate), but I might start looking at more flexible working hours. You could also look into jump starting a home business in your spare time, then if it looks promising you could then think of working from home.

Your H obviously has physical problems, and I wouldn't want to burden him with being the sole breadwinner.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I've decided for now to talk to my boss about working from home 3 days a week. I'm worried about how this will work as I don't think my boss/coworkers will like it too much but this will be the best for me and hopefully a good overall solution. I'm going to propose a 3-6 month trial period and then re-evaluate. If it's not working for either party, I may need to decide to do something else. Wish me luck!


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Just be sure to go in with a plan that details how you'll be working the same hours from home as you would in the office. I just rather reluctantly approved a work from home arrangement with one of my employees and I required a detailed plan from her documenting what tasks she would be completing, when she would be available and how (email/phone). She is also required to use leave time if she doesn't work the agreed upon total number of hours for the week. 

While I want to be flexible with my staff, I also don't want to establish a culture of work at home when we're not dealing with adverse weather days or waiting for repair guys or whatever. It seems to be going reasonably well, but we'll see what happens by the end of the month.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

justonelife said:


> I've decided for now to talk to my boss about working from home 3 days a week. I'm worried about how this will work as I don't think my boss/coworkers will like it too much but this will be the best for me and hopefully a good overall solution. I'm going to propose a 3-6 month trial period and then re-evaluate. If it's not working for either party, I may need to decide to do something else. Wish me luck!


This sounds like a good plan.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

COGypsy said:


> Just be sure to go in with a plan that details how you'll be working the same hours from home as you would in the office. I just rather reluctantly approved a work from home arrangement with one of my employees and I required a detailed plan from her documenting what tasks she would be completing, when she would be available and how (email/phone). She is also required to use leave time if she doesn't work the agreed upon total number of hours for the week.
> 
> While I want to be flexible with my staff, I also don't want to establish a culture of work at home when we're not dealing with adverse weather days or waiting for repair guys or whatever. It seems to be going reasonably well, but we'll see what happens by the end of the month.


COGypsy - This is one of my concerns. He may be worried that if he allows this for me, other people will start bombarding him with similar requests. I don't have much of an answer for that other than he can decide who is a good candidate and who is not. My commute is longer than most here but other than that, the only reason he would approve this is that I'm valuable and he doesn't want to lose me. I hope I'm valuable enough!


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

justonelife said:


> I've decided for now to talk to my boss about working from home 3 days a week. I'm worried about how this will work as I don't think my boss/coworkers will like it too much but this will be the best for me and hopefully a good overall solution. I'm going to propose a 3-6 month trial period and then re-evaluate. If it's not working for either party, I may need to decide to do something else. Wish me luck!


I have a 2.5 hour daily commute.

I telework 2 days a week. I am more productive on those 2 days then I am the other 3.

For one, I get 2 extra hours of sleep every day I telework.


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