# Spouse is Wayward, but is Happy with me?



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

—


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

She ****ed another guy while on a trip to Spain.

Is this a deal breaker for you? Doesn't sound like it to me. You gave her no consequences for her transgressions, which tells her that she can do as she wants and you will pat her on the ass and tell her good game.

She WILL cheat again. She has already put the motions in place. So no, she won't change. Sure she's happy with you. A doormat that let's her do as she wants is great until she tires of you. 

You answed you own question with your post if you ask me.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She’s a serial cheater and will never stop.

File and move on with your life.

Cheating is a game for her.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

She's a serial cheater. It really doesn't matter what SHE wants at this time, but what YOU want your life to be. Since you drew the line in the sand by telling her cheating was unacceptable and she ignored it she's communicated she doesn't care about or respect you. The best thing is to file for divorce and be done with her.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Deception and lies destroy a marriage fairly quick. Add on her having sex with OM when on a "girls trip", your marriage is done - toast.

She is using you as Plan B. The safe home where she can return to in between her outings with other men.

She continues to lie and deceive. 

"Wife, I am filing for divorce because you have cheated on me by sleeping with another man and because you continue to tell me lies. I can no longer trust you."


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I had a serial cheater WW. Tried to make it work after 16 years of cheating.
She will never change. She's tasted the fruit. 
She's crossed the line that she can no longer see, ever.
File, save your soul, That's your responsibility. 
Or you will be a chronic member here just like me....


----------



## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

BlueWall said:


> Hello. My wife has been married to me 7 years. We were on a trip last November to visit my family in California. I noticed when we were together she would be on her phone a lot. I confronted her about it because she texted a selfie on her chat app on there. She said it was to her cousin. The whole trip she was very distant from me and on her phone a lot. We talked later and she said that she loved me, but is not in love.
> 
> When we got home I noticed that she locked her phone. She never did this to me before. I confronted her and she said she was talking to other men and women she met on her chat app to learn about other cultures. I told her to stop. So she did.
> 
> ...


You need to file for divorce immediately. End of story.


----------



## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Nothing to add here unfortunately but as mentioned above, its time to walk away and live life for yourself.

Good luck.


----------



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Your asking what to do? Really? What is your gut telling you? Yes, she enjoys being married to you as long as she can sleep with other guys!! I think you need to visit a lawyer and get it rolling.


----------



## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

You are asking us where you should go next?

Do you want to stay married? Seems that you do. In that case, confront the her once again and see if doing the same thing gives a different result this time.

You have been sharing her for awhile, a few more months this probably won't matter too much. I've seen guys like you here quite a bit, able to put up with it better than most. But eventually you'll have enough of her shenanigans, and then you'll divorce.

Question: What does the word "ultimatum" means? If you gave an ultimatum, how does that affect the situation? What is the difference if you gave an ultimatum or did not give an ultimatum? No difference? 

Does she have sex with you? Do you worry about STDs or pregnancy with you or another guy?


----------



## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

If she wants to fool around with other guys, and she is not in love with you, why does she not just divorce you? What does she get from you? Money? Lifestyle?


----------



## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> You are asking us where you should go next?
> 
> Do you want to stay married?


This is not a marriage.


----------



## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

I think she's shown you who she is. But maybe you keep waiting for the other woman she used to be. It's OK to wait awhile and see what happens. Just protect yourself std-wise, paternity-wise, financially.

While you are waiting for her to change back, read a lot of the other threads here. Notice how most cheater's don't change (but some do). Also notice that they seem to change when they've been served with divorce papers. 

Take your time and do it when you're ready.


----------



## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

She doesn't care about you because you have yet to show her that you are actually going to do something about it. You caught her 3-4 times and each time you just told her to "stop" - Just like a little toddler they know 'stop' means nothing if they don't get punished for it.
YOU can keep yelling "STOP" louder but until you grab them and push them into a corner, or wack their bum, they wont know that you really mean business.

With that said.. she has had other men INSIDE her... If your OK with that and want that marriage then what type of validation do you want from this forum? There is no magic words or tools you can use to make her stop cheating. You can monitor her 24/7, put a GPS on her, and follow her around but is that the life you want for yourself?

Do you really want to think that she will be wrapped around another mans genitals every time she tells you she is going out for reason X, Y, Z

Anyone in their right mind will tell you to divorce her... but what are you going to do?


----------



## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

Brother, your "wife" doesn't love you...she doesn't even like you. She is treating you worse than someone treats their *worst enemy*. She disrespects you, she's cuckolding you, she doesn't love you, she's being cruel and beyond despicable to you, she doesn't care about you, and the level of disrespect she has for you deepens and intensifies every second of every day, while you sit back and let other men **** your wife. She will never, ever change and she will never, ever love you or respect you.

She's a terrible, terrible person, and you are being weak af. The ONLY thing you can do is divorce her. If you don't, you are completely doomed. Unless you're totally OK with having a one-sided open marriage. You are a cuckold right now. Unless you want that, file for divorce. There is no saving this marriage.

Sorry to sound harsh, but that's a fact.


----------



## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> I think she's shown you who she is. But maybe you keep waiting for the other woman she used to be. It's OK to wait awhile and see what happens. Just protect yourself std-wise, paternity-wise, financially.
> 
> While you are waiting for her to change back, read a lot of the other threads here. Notice how most cheater's don't change (but some do). Also notice that they seem to change when they've been served with divorce papers.
> 
> Take your time and do it when you're ready.


Oh man. This is terrible advice. You seriously think "waiting" for her to change from being a serial cheater who has zero respect for her husband is a good idea? That's delusional.

She has zero desire to change. Why would she? She is loving life - she gets to have sex with anyone she wants while her husband sits back and takes it. A serial cheater's dream come true.


----------



## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Hardwired, I think your advice is not going to convince him of anything.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> Hello. My wife has been married to me 7 years. We were on a trip last November to visit my family in California. I noticed when we were together she would be on her phone a lot. I confronted her about it because she texted a selfie on her chat app on there. She said it was to her cousin. The whole trip she was very distant from me and on her phone a lot. We talked later and she said that she loved me, but is not in love.
> 
> When we got home I noticed that she locked her phone. She never did this to me before. I confronted her and she said she was talking to other men and women she met on her chat app to learn about other cultures. I told her to stop. So she did.
> 
> ...


File for divorce. Everything else you wrote after what I highlighted is a complete waste of time. Your wife is a serial cheater and has no interest in being faithful. She wants you to be in a open marriage. Is that what you want? I think not.

Dump her. Fast.


----------



## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> Hardwired, I think your advice is not going to convince him of anything.


Sadly, you're probably correct. And I think his cheating wife knows he won't do anything either.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Bluewall, happy wives do not leave their husbands to go off and **** other men. Nor do we flirt with other men.

Your wife has no respect for you and your marriage. She is also a woman with no morals.

You know this. Stop trying to save her and an a marriage that is nothing. 

She knows that you will never do anything about her cheating thats why she can continue to misbehave. She knows that you will rave and make demands but in the end nothing will change. You will always take her back.

So, you are going to do some deep digging and find your strength and resolve to live a better life. With love, respect and royalty. You deserve that.

Goodluck. Be well.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> If she wants to fool around with other guys, and she is not in love with you, why does she not just divorce you? What does she get from you? Money? Lifestyle?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If she’s at all happy with you it’s because you both enable her lifestyle and tolerate all of the bull**** that comes along with it.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

brooklynAnn said:


> Bluewall, happy wives do not leave their husbands to go off and **** other men. Nor do we flirt with other men.
> 
> Your wife has no respect for you and your marriage. She is also a woman with no morals.
> 
> ...


Yes. I want to file. But I don’t know the best path to take without getting into an arguement.


----------



## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

Just serve her with divorce papers and tell her family and friends why. You have asked her to stop and she hasn’t. I don’t see the point in explaining anything further to her.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

BlueWall said:


> Yes. I want to file. But I don’t know the best path to take without getting into an arguement. What do I tell her the reason I want to file? That I don’t trust her because she continues to hide her passcode from her work phone? Do I reveal that I used a VAR to find out she lied to me to meet another man? I don’t know the best approach to tell her that I am filing. Do I secretly meet with a lawyer before telling her I want to file? Or tell her first that I want to file?


You dont need to tell her anything. Go see a lawyer and get their advice and file. Then, you have her served. You dont owe her anything at this point. You dont discuss this with her. You are looking out for you and a quick exit.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

BlueWall said:


> Yes. I want to file. But I don’t know the best path to take without getting into an arguement. What do I tell her the reason I want to file? That I don’t trust her because she continues to hide her passcode from her work phone? Do I reveal that I used a VAR to find out she lied to me to meet another man? I don’t know the best approach to tell her that I am filing. Do I secretly meet with a lawyer before telling her I want to file? Or tell her first that I want to file?


You tell her that you know she’s cheated, is still cheating, and that she’ll never stop.

And that’s it.

Yes, she’s going to lie and deny, and attempt to coax you back. Stick to your guns and don’t fall for it.

(NEVER reveal anything about the VAR, BTW.)


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

brooklynAnn said:


> BlueWall said:
> 
> 
> > Yes. I want to file. But I don’t know the best path to take without getting into an arguement. What do I tell her the reason I want to file? That I don’t trust her because she continues to hide her passcode from her work phone? Do I reveal that I used a VAR to find out she lied to me to meet another man? I don’t know the best approach to tell her that I am filing. Do I secretly meet with a lawyer before telling her I want to file? Or tell her first that I want to file?
> ...


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

brooklynAnn said:


> You don't need to tell her anything. Go see a lawyer and get their advice and file. Then, you have her served. You don't owe her anything at this point. You don't discuss this with her. You are looking out for you and a quick exit.


Make sure you protect your financial assets, anticipate her reaction to you filing for divorce.

And for God's sakes, do not telegraph your divorce actions to her at all.

Be smart.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

BlueWall said:


> Do I reveal to the lawyer that I used VAR? It is not legal here in Ohio to my understanding.


Probably not a great idea.

Maybe ask your lawyer if having her admit to an affair (or affairs) in a recorded conversation _in which you are a participant_ would give you any kind of leverage.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

BlueWall said:


> Do I reveal to the lawyer that I used VAR? It is not legal here in Ohio to my understanding.


I would. What you tell your lawyer would be protected by attorney-client privilege. And from a quick internet check, you may be okay to record, anyways. But get that from your lawyer, not me.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

michzz said:


> brooklynAnn said:
> 
> 
> > You dont need to tell her anything. Go see a lawyer and get their advice and file. Then, you have her served. You dont owe her anything at this point. You dont discuss this with her. You are looking out for you and a quick exit.
> ...


33


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

meet with a lawyer, file and have her served at work, and go 180 on her immediately...do not sleep with her....and get an std panel done asap


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

brooklynAnn said:


> You dont need to tell her anything. Go see a lawyer and get their advice and file. Then, you have her served. You dont owe her anything at this point. You dont discuss this with her. You are looking out for you and a quick exit.





michzz said:


> Make sure you protect yur financial assets, anticipate her reaction to you filing for divorce.
> 
> and for God's sakes, do not telegraph your divorce actions to her at all.
> 
> Be smart.





BlueWall said:


> I did this before, when I caught that she slept with the other man in Spain, before we reconciled. Should I do the same now? Before meeting with the lawyer?


Of course you protect yourself and not her. be smart!

And yes, as others wrote, get checked for STIs.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

BlueWall said:


> Do I reveal to the lawyer that I used VAR? It is not legal here in Ohio to my understanding.


I would not go into details unless the lawyer asks specific questions.

If Ohio is a two party consent state, then never admit to the VAR to anyone. The VAR was for your piece of mind - an effort to get the truth for yourself- no one else needs to know since it cannot be used in court.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BlueWall said:


> Hello. My wife has been married to me 7 years. We were on a trip last November to visit my family in California. I noticed when we were together she would be on her phone a lot. I confronted her about it because she texted a selfie on her chat app on there. She said it was to her cousin. The whole trip she was very distant from me and on her phone a lot. We talked later and she said that she loved me, but is not in love.
> 
> When we got home I noticed that she locked her phone. She never did this to me before. I confronted her and she said she was talking to other men and women she met on her chat app to learn about other cultures. I told her to stop. So she did.
> 
> ...


Where do you go from here? A lawyer of course. Draw up D papers. Your W is a serial cheater.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

BlueWall said:


> We sleep together regularly at least weekly. She has a stable job that pays real well. I guess she would just want me at the house to help with chores and pets.


And THAT is a marriage to you? WTF. Seriously, you have confronted, and nothing changed. You told her to get rid of her chat apps, and nothing changed. You told her to stop communicating with other men, and NOTHING CHANGED. Doing the same and expecting a different result is insanity.

STOP SLEEPING with her -- you are just a) exposing yourself to disease, and b)letting her know you are ok with all of this.


Seriously, consult a few lawyers to find out what you need to do and what you will deal with in terms of finance/custody/etc.. Pick a few around the area so that SHE can't use them going forward. Get whatever info you need to prove guilt. Expose her to her/your family and friends. If you know info about the AP's then expose to their wives/GF's. You have given her NO consequences. If it bothers you enough now to get on a forum to discuss, then get pissed off, and get moving with getting yourself away from her. She is NOT marriage material, nor is she the woman YOU THINK she is.

Please listen to these posters who have gone through this crap and protect yourself and your children. You WILL NOT be happy with her. You need to get out.

"Yes. I want to file. But I don’t know the best path to take without getting into an arguement. What do I tell her the reason I want to file? That I don’t trust her because she continues to hide her passcode from her work phone? Do I reveal that I used a VAR to find out she lied to me to meet another man? I don’t know the best approach to tell her that I am filing. Do I secretly meet with a lawyer before telling her I want to file? Or tell her first that I want to file?
"

Tell her NOTHING -- having her served will be sufficient. You don't need to tell her a reason -- SHE KNOWS already that she has cheated multiple times and that you already know this. tell her NOTHING about the VAR. You may be able to use this in the future after you have her served to find out her strategy about screwing YOU over in the divorce.

Is Ohio a no-fault state, or can you go for adultery?


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BlueWall said:


> Yes. I want to file. But I don’t know the best path to take without getting into an arguement. What do I tell her the reason I want to file? That I don’t trust her because she continues to hide her passcode from her work phone? Do I reveal that I used a VAR to find out she lied to me to meet another man? I don’t know the best approach to tell her that I am filing. Do I secretly meet with a lawyer before telling her I want to file? Or tell her first that I want to file?


If your W wants to argue, provide her with your lawyers number so she may share it with her lawyer. No need to talk to you at all. Just go file and have your W served. 

Do not reveal your sources.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BlueWall said:


> Do I reveal to the lawyer that I used VAR? It is not legal here in Ohio to my understanding.


No need to reveal the VAR to anyone. This was your assurance your W is cheating and filing for D is not done is haste.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

smi11ie said:


> Just serve her with divorce papers and tell her family and friends why. You have asked her to stop and she hasn’t. I don’t see the point in explaining anything further to her.


Why tell


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

BlueWall said:


> She had slept with a man in Spain and was still talking to him. She was also talking to other men in Spain and texting selfies and flirty texts.





BlueWall said:


> What do I tell her the reason I want to file?


 In answer to your question "What do I tell her the reason I want to file", you tell her that you are divorcing her because only a few months ago "She had slept with a man in Spain" and that "She was also talking to other men in Spain and texting selfies and flirty texts", and that even in the unlikely event that she were to stop cheating on you going forward, you cannot forgive her for this. There is really nothing more you need to say, as this is a valid reason enough. It really is that simple.

Know this fact, that somewhere out there is a faithful woman that would never cheat on you, and that would wake up every day thanking God that she had you in her life. That woman is not your wife. You do not have children to consider, so go out and find that faithful woman now. You have a right to be happy.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> Why tell her family and friends? I already gave her a chance. And she blew it by continuing to lie, deceive, and meet other men. I don’t want revenge. I just want to move on with my life without her. I don’t think she will change, even if I tell her family and friends, right?



you expose her shame to everyone...and here is why....she will tell everyone this divorce was your fault...this stops here dead in her tracks...


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

OP,

You don't have to tell her jack ****! If she can't figure out what's happening when she gets slapped in the face with divorce papers, then WTF?

If she comes at you because you filed, one sentence is all you say.

You ****ed another man while married to me, so get the hint woman!


----------



## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

BlueWall said:


> Why tell her family and friends? I already gave her a chance. And she blew it by continuing to lie, deceive, and meet other men. I don’t want revenge. I just want to move on with my life without her. I don’t think she will change, even if I tell her family and friends, right?


As a courtesy. You know these people too. Something along the lines of....

“It is with a heavy heart that I have started divorce proceedings against my wife. She has been playing away from home even after I asked her to stop. I have been left with no other option. Thankyou for your friendship and support during our marriage.”

Do it at the same time as she is being served.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@BlueWall sorry you are going through this.

This link might be of help:-
https://www.communitylegalaid.org/node/64/termination-marriage-and-legal-separation-ohio


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Continue to stay dumb and forgiving while believing everything she says while seeing a lawyer and quietly setting up everything for filing. Get ready to have her served.

Make up a story that you are going to a stag weekend in AC 2 or 3 weekends from now. Hide in a motel. Make sure your phone has no tracking software on , things like goggle maps etc. Your shameless wife will undoubtedly use that weekend to play. Have a PI follow. Have her taped while served. She will either play at your house or in some hookup's house or motel. Whatever. Its enough for adultery in Ohio. 

Then follow through on divorcing her. 

Please tell us you did not breed with this wench.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

Thanks for all your support everyone. We do not have children. 

I am saddened, and a little confused because she and I have trips set up together to visit Germany and meet up on her weekends during her business trips coming up in other states. I really believed she wanted to work on us. I guess she will have to find someone else to now go to Germany with.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> Thanks for all your support everyone. We do not have children.
> 
> I am saddened, and a little confused because she and I have trips set up together to visit Germany and meet up on her weekends during her business trips coming up in other states. I really believed she wanted to work on us. I guess she will have to find someone else to now go to Germany with.












Sometimes the things people worry about when the world is collapsing around them astounds me.

BlueWall...no offense, but if her past is any indication she's already got several guys lined up.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

BlueWall said:


> Why tell her family and friends? I already gave her a chance. And she blew it by continuing to lie, deceive, and meet other men. I don’t want revenge. I just want to move on with my life without her. I don’t think she will change, even if I tell her family and friends, right?


This isn't for revenge or getting her to change. Once you serve her, she will QUICKLY re-write your marriage history to her family, your friends, etc.. "He was a terrible husband" "He was abusive", etc. etc. etc.. Seen it here hundreds of times.

You need to get ahead of this to clarify WHY you are doing it and prevent that re-write. You should want to protect YOUR name and reputation here. You should also expose to all AP's wives if you can find them....

VERY sorry you are going through this. CHEATERS SUCK.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

BlueWall said:


> Why tell her family and friends? I already gave her a chance. And she blew it by continuing to lie, deceive, and meet other men. I don’t want revenge. I just want to move on with my life without her. I don’t think she will change, even if I tell her family and friends, right?


Because the other betrayed spouses in this situation deserve the benefit of the same knowledge you have. If they don't know and you do, it is your moral obligation to rectify that.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BlueWall said:


> Why tell her family and friends? I already gave her a chance. And she blew it by continuing to lie, deceive, and meet other men. I don’t want revenge. I just want to move on with my life without her. I don’t think she will change, even if I tell her family and friends, right?


It is not revenge sir. Your W will rewrite marital history and make you look like a heel thus justifying her poor choices. Set the record straight before that happens.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

BlueWall said:


> Thanks for all your support everyone. We do not have children.
> 
> I am saddened, and a little confused because she and I have trips set up together to visit Germany and meet up on her weekends during her business trips coming up in other states. *I really believed she wanted to work on us.* I guess she will have to find someone else to now go to Germany with.


Yeah, well she didn't. You should have figured that out the second time she lied to you and deceived you, not to mention the third and fourth time. You didn't handle it like you should have; as you gave her no consequences after each time. But you know what? It doesn't matter any more. She revealed herself as a serial cheater and you are going forward with the D.

Stop worrying about her; what she thinks, what she will do, her business trips, how to confront her - and start worrying about yourself. Your solitary focus should be executing a well planned exit strategy. That starts with your lawyer. You don't have to tell her anything except what Gus recommended. That's it. Don't reveal your evidence to her. Again, because it doesn't matter. You don't have to convince her of anything. You know exactly what she did.

Do expose her to family and your close friends; to prevent her from spreading a false narrative and rewriting your marital history - to those you care about. That's *why* you expose her.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> Thanks for all your support everyone. We do not have children.
> 
> I am saddened, and a little confused because she and I have trips set up together to visit Germany and meet up on her weekends during her business trips coming up in other states. *I really believed she wanted to work on us.* I guess she will have to find someone else to now go to Germany with.


I repeat, she wants to be with you. She loves you, I believe that. She loves having a nice man at home who makes sure the garbage is tossed, cat is fed and lawn is mowed while she is getting banged by some old boyfriend or new hookup behind her back. Then she comes back and gets her feet rubbed and is not lonely while suffering from withdrawals from her not so secret lovers. 

So she loves to cheat on you behind your back and wants to continue to do so until it is so obvious that you are paralyzed at how foolish you were believing all of her lies. Then she will do it right in front of you. At that point she figures you either accept it or go through a divorce that is even more expensive than it is now. Win win for her. You, not so much. 

She feels she is entitled to be happy at your emotional and financial expense. Are you happy ? Do you love her so much you are willing to share her? That is what she is telling you.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

BlueWall said:


> Hello. My wife has been married to me 7 years. We were on a trip last November to visit my family in California. I noticed when we were together she would be on her phone a lot. I confronted her about it because she texted a selfie on her chat app on there. She said it was to her cousin. The whole trip she was very distant from me and on her phone a lot. We talked later and she said that she loved me, but is not in love.
> 
> When we got home I noticed that she locked her phone. She never did this to me before. I confronted her and she said she was talking to other men and women she met on her chat app to learn about other cultures. I told her to stop. So she did.
> 
> ...


Lifting jaw from floor. 

Are you any relation to midlo?


----------



## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Do you want to go to Germany with her?

Are you still using a VAR?

Why do you think she started cheating?

Let's face it, a romance on vacation with one guy is one thing, but apparently she went off the rails and is seeking out many guys. Why now? Her behavior is obvious, not something you saw previously. What happened and when?

Most marriages reach a level of complacency. Both spouses are not joyful or lustful. It gets routine, sexual and romantically. The new relationship butterflies fades, the planning-for-marriage excitement comes and goes, the fixing up the new household comes and goes, and the honeymoon effect fades, and it gets routine. Few surprises. Even if you vociferously tell her how hot and desired she is, she gets used to it. From you. But she is not unhappy. She is OK. It happened gradually, and she did it too, not just you. 

Then, she meets a guy, he shows interest, she finds him attractive, and she gets the butterflies, and calls that "in love," not infatuation or a crush. That's what it is, but she doesn't call it that. 

Then, she thinks to herself, I don't have that feeling for my husband. If I did, I wouldn't cheat. Thus, I must not be "in love" with my husband. But my husband still has a lot of things I want. My reputation. Money. Lifestyle. Chores. Pets. I love my husband, like a good friend, but I'm not "in love" with him. And new "in love" guys are not far along enough to leave my husband yet. So why upset the cart yet? I can have both, my addiction with butterflies, and my comfortable old reliable husband. Heck, I am even nicer to my husband because my life is so much happier with both. My cheating helps my marriage! 

Yes, that does really happen sometimes. Just as likely, she's not a very moral person and cheating has always been OK with her, she just didn't have the need u til now. Or some other variation. 

I am worried about you. "Spouse is Wayward but is Happy." No kidding. They always are.

Think about what is acceptable and not acceptable in your marriage. I know you've already done that, and told her that. I personally is a BIG believer of tell them only once. She understood you the first time and she for whatever reason did it anyway. So why bother talking about it again?

Go to the lawyer, follow his or her instructions, and file. When she asks you why, tell her you already told her what you needed, and she didn't do it.

If that rattles her enough to change, if you care anymore, that's a decision to make when it happens.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@BlueWall Please get tested for STDs.


----------



## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Did OP mention what wife does to support herself? Do she work? Or does she stay at home?

The WW obviously loves the grounded financial support that BH/OP gives her. I mean seriously....Trips to Germany and such? Nope, not on my dime....Time to dump her and move on. Don't think about what YOU didn't do for this relationship. This is all on HER. She is a POS. 

The best thing you can do is get out of infidelity and live well. Eat, drink, be merry. And work! Successful people bounce back really rapidly. Best of luck.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

BlueWall said:


> Hello. My wife has been married to me 7 years. We were on a trip last November to visit my family in California. I noticed when we were together she would be on her phone a lot. I confronted her about it because she texted a selfie on her chat app on there. She said it was to her cousin. The whole trip she was very distant from me and on her phone a lot. We talked later and she said that she loved me, but is not in love.
> 
> When we got home I noticed that she locked her phone. She never did this to me before. I confronted her and she said she was talking to other men and women she met on her chat app to learn about other cultures. I told her to stop. So she did.
> 
> ...


She has to want to change. Go to your lawyer and move on. My question is why do you want someone who treats you so poorly and lies to you like it's nothing. Do you really think this person is a good choice to invest all your emotional health into?


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

brooklynAnn said:


> Bluewall, happy wives do not leave their husbands to go off and **** other men.


This is absolutely not true. Plenty of WS will tell you after the fact they were happy, they were just selfish. People cheat because of a lack of character.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

BlueWall said:


> I did this before, when I caught that she slept with the other man in Spain, before we reconciled. Should I do the same now? Before meeting with the lawyer?


Here is a thread with a bunch of links to people who did it the right way. Just follow their lead.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

BlueWall said:


> Why tell her family and friends? I already gave her a chance. And she blew it by continuing to lie, deceive, and meet other men. I don’t want revenge. I just want to move on with my life without her. I don’t think she will change, even if I tell her family and friends, right?


You tell the friends and family to prevent her from lying and making you look like the bad guy. When you tell them you do it very matter of fact always tell the truth but sound like you are taking the high road. "I loved your daughter very much but this was just something I could not accept. If at all this is difficult for her I would ask that you help her as I can no longer do that. I appreciate all you have done for me and will miss you." Stuff like that then everyone thinks she is an idiot for what she did and you are a great guy. Word gets out what a fool she is.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

BlueWall said:


> Thanks for all your support everyone. We do not have children.
> 
> I am saddened, and a little confused because she and I have trips set up together to visit Germany and meet up on her weekends during her business trips coming up in other states. I really believed she wanted to work on us. I guess she will have to find someone else to now go to Germany with.


People like your wife just don't make good partners, I know you are sad now but with some time and space you will be happy that you didn't have kids and you can move on cleanly. The good news is there are great people out there who are honest and make great partners. You just bought a lemon. It happens. But you are being strong and demanding respect in your life, that will set you up for better things. 

Exercise, lift weights, spend time with your friends. Grieve your loss, maybe check your picker to make sure you are not attracted to the type of woman your wife is and you will pick a better one. Then heal and move on. You will be happy and have joy again.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

BlueWall said:


> I am saddened, and a little confused because she and I have trips set up together to visit Germany and meet up on her weekends during her business trips coming up in other states. I really believed she wanted to work on us.


 Let me try to clear up your confusion. This is not about if other men have more to offer your wife than you do, because she is not picking them over you, she is picking both you and the other men over you alone. Both you plus other men will always offer your cheating wife more than you alone, no matter how great of a husband you are. Looked at mathematically, if you equal a positive X ("X") and other men equal a positive Y ("Y"), she would not be interested in negatives, no matter how great a number X is, X+Y will always be greater than X alone (X+Y>X). This the cheaters math that you are up against. You just cannot win against this math. Even if you were perfect, to her you plus other men will always be better than just you. The minute she allows cheating into the equation, you alone will always not be enough for her. With this in mind, of course she wants to work on you and her staying together. Without you in the equation, it would be just other men, and Y is less than X+Y. 

She wants you to be her cuckold husband, and you understandable are not willing to be a cuckold. Good luck with your search for a new spouse. Once you experience being in a relationship with a faithful spouse that is in love with you, you will look back and wonder why you even thought about staying with this woman.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> Do you want to go to Germany with her?
> 
> Are you still using a VAR?
> 
> ...


Yes.


----------



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> After finding out she is still talking to other guys and meeting them, and lying, I don’t want to go with her anymore to Germany.
> 
> Been using VAR since April 1st.
> 
> I think she just wants to have her cake and eat it too. When I confronted her with the ultimatum back then, she said “Why can’t we just have an open marriage”. I didn’t know if she said that from being emotional or she was serious. Looks like I now know she was serious.


Why stay?
Why allow them to disrespect you?
Why allow yourself to be treated like this?
Why listen to another lie?

1) First and foremost, your spouse is a person of low character (I would prefer to say pig, but that might be too "mean")
2) Second - The affair is not nor will it ever be your fault
3) Lawyer. Today. Know your rights. Start the Divorce. Start to get primary rights to your kids (if you have some). You can always stop the process in the future
4) Doctor - get STD/STI/HIV tests started. Your life depends on it!
5) Counselor for you. One that has experience with infidelity. You're going to need to talk with someone about this
6) Eat.
7) Sleep (at least 8 hours a night if possible)
8) Drink water (avoid alcohol at this point, it won't help)
9) Get to gym and start working out - it helps the body, the mind, and the soul
10) Start to separate funds
11) 180 like your life depended on it.
12) DNA your kids. Not so much to see if they are yours (hopefully they are), but to show her that you can't trust anything about her (again, if you have them)
13) Expose. Lies thrive in the dark.
14) Remember, 99.999% of everything that comes out of their mouth will be a lie in regards to the affair. They will minimize everything.
15) Don't know who originally posted it, but they are a genius:

Just Let Them Go

The end result?

The end result is to respect yourself in the end, let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.

That is the end result.

The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.

Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.

Nothing else works better or quicker.

Let them go.

Agree with them and their feelings,
"you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"

Wouldn't that be true love?

If you really loved your spouse, and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with, wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?

Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?
Just let them go. Give them their freedom.

You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.

I will never tell someone to change to entice a WAW back when she's been cheating on him. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.

But cheating, no excuses.

Think about cheating.
A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?

Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.

Fighting the affair? For what reason?
To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?
What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?
They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.

The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.

"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

You give them what they want.
You don't fight them on this issue.
You agree with their feelings,
they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person, let them be with the other person.

You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.

You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",
you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",
you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"

I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them.


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> She had slept with a man in Spain and was still talking to him. She was also talking to other men in Spain and texting selfies and flirty texts.
> 
> I confronted her. She denied all it at first until I showed her the evidence. I gave her an ultimatum to stop and make sure I have access to all passcodes, and to stop all relationships with these men. She said the man she slept with she stopped talking with. She agreed to the ultimatum. We were on better footing again.


After what your wife did with the guy in Spain, you should have just prepared for divorce to show her the seriousness of her actions. She does not seem to care that what she did was extremely cruel to you. Most of us can relate to the hell of what you are going through and most of us also regret how pathetically we ourselves handled it when we were in similar situations. Eventually you will see more clearly that your wife is not someone worth fighting for. The only way that you'll ever truly be happy again is to be rid of her.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I really wonder about some of these posts. Almost like they were written by men with the maturity of a two year old.


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> I think she just wants to have her cake and eat it too. When I confronted her with the ultimatum back then, she said “Why can’t we just have an open marriage”. I didn’t know if she said that from being emotional or she was serious. Looks like I now know she was serious.


She was serious. She has no shame and feels entitled to date others. She feels faithful to you in the way that matters most to her. i.e. she has no intention of ever leaving you.

She may love you but it’s like a brother. She likes your company and the stability you provide.

Never tell her about the VAR. Don’t say anything until the divorce is ready to go. When the divorce is out in the open just say that you can’t live with someone you can’t trust. That’s it. You don’t want to spend time debating her about cheating when all you want is a divorce. That way do don’t have to bring up the VAR.

Keep it simple and don’t tell anyone she cares for about the affairs. Use that as leverage for better terns. Since she makes more she should pay you alimony.

Once the divorce is final then you can tell everyone.


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> Thanks for all your support everyone. We do not have children.
> 
> I am saddened, and a little confused because she and I have trips set up together to visit Germany and meet up on her weekends during her business trips coming up in other states. I really believed she wanted to work on us. I guess she will have to find someone else to now go to Germany with.


This is going to be difficult for you to turn down because your brain is now desperate for something to temporarily ease the pain. Your wife may also throw you an offer of great sex and "rekindling the relatonship" while in Germany. It's just like offering a dose of heroine to someone going through withdrawal. If you do succumb and end up going with her, it won't be the end of the world because you'll discover that the vacation still doesn't bring you much peace and happiness and is instead prolonging the initial agony.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

BlueWall said:


> she said “Why can’t we just have an open marriage”. I didn’t know if she said that from being emotional or she was serious. Looks like I now know she was serious.


My friend if she said that to me,, she would have gotten slapped with the divorce papers that day!

Open marriage? Pftt.
That really says it all.
RUN dude, like now.
All she has on her mind in whoring around.

"Hos gonna Ho" - Gus Polinsky


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> I really wonder about some of these posts. Almost like they were written by men with the maturity of a two year old.


Unless we went through a similar experience before, we can't be sure of how we would handle it. One thing I noticed is that this degree of stress and relentless misery directly impacts our critical thinking skills. I pride myself in my critical thinking skills and people skills, but I still handled getting cheated on pathetically. I am very confident though that if I ever experience it again before I die, I will be able to make much more intelligent decisions.


----------



## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

*BlueWall:*

Your wife has the mentality of a teenage girl: you are the Dad that tries to spoil her fun with boys and being controlling. She gets a big kick out of crawling out of her window and screwing and then getting back in her bed before you know whats she's done. This is a turn-on and addicting. You will never break her of this. You are playing first base while she is trying to steal second base. She always comes back and tags up before you can tag her out. Take these steps:

1. *Lawyer Up*! Run everything through the lawyer.

2. *Separate* all financials, credit cards, etc.

3. Have him draw up papers and *have her served at work*. Another option would be to *leave the papers on the kitchen table with your wedding ring on top*. 

4. The same day, *expose* to friends, family, other betrayed spouses. Do not threaten this, DO IT!

5. *Go dark* on her. No contact. Do not answer phone calls. Only answer one text to tell her all contact must be through your lawyer. Leave his/her phone#.

6. * Do not be at home* for a while. Stay with friends, relatives, rent a motel room, etc.

7. *Take pictures* of any valuables that she might sell or pawn.

8. *Your VAR*. Never reveal any sources of intelligence on her. YOU JUST KNOW & THAT'S IT.

9. When you do return home, have a *written agenda* listing anything and everything you wish to say. Mention that you are recording everything that is said.

10. *Do not have sex with her again*. 

11. STD check! You have been sleeping with the equivalent of a prostitute. She has been risking your life and health!

12. *She is an addict*. Treat her as such. Don't try to fix her. You cannot do it. Move on as quickly as possible. Good Luck!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BlueWall said:


> Hello. My wife has been married to me 7 years. We were on a trip last November to visit my family in California. I noticed when we were together she would be on her phone a lot. I confronted her about it because she texted a selfie on her chat app on there. She said it was to her cousin. The whole trip she was very distant from me and on her phone a lot. *We talked later and she said that she loved me, but is not in love. *


I don't think she either loves you or is in love with you.

I loved my ex but was never in love with her, but I didn't cheat. Because I loved her in a way that it was a matter of will, and principle.

Divorce her.


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> We sleep together regularly at least weekly. She has a stable job that pays real well. I guess she would just want me at the house to help with chores and pets.


In my opinion, she has stayed with you because she thinks that you'll be around to take care of her and she won't be all alone. I think that none of those other men want to have a serious relationship with her and it may be true that she is only attracted to the type of men who would only want her for a booty call. 

In any case, she doesn't place a high value on you as she has shown repeatedly that she is willing to risk losing your trust and even losing you.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lots of money and no game and no self esteem apparently....

You married a public urinal.

Get your proof of adultery, can't hurt in a divorce, and cut this lizard loose so you can mate with a human.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

BlueWall said:


> When I confronted her with the ultimatum back then, she said “Why can’t we just have an open marriage”.


Wow!! Your cheating wife asking you “Why can’t we just have an open marriage” is her admitting to you that she was operating as if you were already in an open marriage, she just did not tell you. Game over.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> You married a public urinal.


At least he hasn't regressed into licking the public urinal.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

Why have her served at work?


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Not as much impact when you work at the same location. It may cause a scene. 

Why? In 99% of the cases its shock and awe value.


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

BlueWall said:


> Why have her served at work? We both work at the same company if that has any bearing. Different buildings, but within a 15 minute walk.


The purpose is to schlock her, and have an emotional effect, including shame.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Bluewall, I am sorry you are here. I don't know if you quite get the situation because I do not understand your behaviour so far. Let me list what I think and see:



You have been married to this woman for 7 years and she has been cheating on you non-stop. You just did not have any concrete proof so I understand needing to get proof.


You used tracking and spying techniques to get this. You get real proof that she ****ed a guy in Spain while on a vacation with her girlfriend. First of all why in hell is she taking vacations without you. And second your initial reaction to this was to worry about spying on her ?!?!?!? 


And then you sweep it all under the rug and somehow reconcile with her while she faced absolutely no consequences for her disgusting behaviour! Why on Earth would you think she would change ? You could hardly call that a reconciliation.


It is clear that she has absolutely no respect for you (leave alone love) - and that makes you very unattractive to her. She will always seek out other men who appear attractive because they take what they want and also she gets her buzz from the illicit nature of this sex.


She continues to do this and all you seem to worry about is how to tell her you spied on her! You do not need to tell her anything about how you know when you confront - you just tell her what you know and why you are now divorcing her.


You appear to be afraid to divorce her because she has a nice income and you get to go on holidays with her. That too is very weak. 


You need to file and divorce her - as simple as that. Do not worry about telling her about the VARs or anything. Secure any proof you have because she will turn the tables on you and make it your fault - whe will destroy your name to friends and family. That is why you expose her and tell others first. This is not for revenge but for self preservation.

I still do not understand how you are accepting of the fact that she ****s other men - she would have been history after her trip to Spain. The final final blow should have been when she asked for an open marriage - and yet you are still asking about what to do. As others have said you have actually answered your own question in your posts - you just seem to be procrastinating about doing what you know you need to do!!!


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Let her go to Germany. Send her a text of your empty home, with a picture of the divorce papers. Say your lawyer will be talking to hers real soon. Then cut all communications. If you know any of the men she has been fu cking, do what one of my older clients did, he told one of her GF's and two guys that he knew had slept with his wife that she gave him an STD. She was SUCH a popular girl afterward. She did not get a date for a year or so, and people kept asking her if she were "clean". He further annoyed her by giving her a nickname, "stinky". Childish, I know, but she had people smirking and holding their nose around her for a long time. He kept calling her stinky in every conversation. Let it out to her nieces once, she became Aunt Stinky. That stuck.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

manfromlamancha said:


> Bluewall, I am sorry you are here. I don't know if you quite get the situation because I do not understand your behaviour so far. Let me list what I think and see:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

BlueWall said:


> After finding out she is still talking to other guys and meeting them, and lying, I don’t want to go with her anymore to Germany.
> 
> Been using VAR since April 1st.
> 
> I think she just wants to have her cake and eat it too. When I confronted her with the ultimatum back then, she said “Why can’t we just have an open marriage”. I didn’t know if she said that from being emotional or she was serious. Looks like I now know she was serious.


Blue Wall, sounds like you are wallowing and doing the pick me dance. You have to go completely scorched earth here and be willing to lose the marriage. Be a man, tell her you are not sharing her, if that is what she wants she is free to do so. Then go and get divorce papers immediately. I think you are worthy of a much better woman tbh. Would you want to have kids with that?


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> Why have her served at work? We both work at the same company if that has any bearing. Different buildings, but within a 15 minute walk.


Again the point is to make sure that when the officer of the court comes to the building she is handed her papers, once she gets it she will freak, she will be shaking and realize that you will not put up with that crap and she can't hide her shame. Its called bring the cheater out into the light.


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

I want to meet the lawyer today. What do I tell my job?


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

do you need to tell them anything at this moment?


----------



## BlueWall (Apr 25, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> do you need to tell them anything at this moment?


What do I say in order get out of work to see the lawyer? I am sick? I don’t know the best approach.


----------



## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Just take an unplanned day off. Honestly, your best approach with work is just to tell your direct manager so they understand - because what is going on in your life will affect your work. If your manager is any good, he/she will certainly understand that life can be a ****show sometimes, and be as accommodating as possible. They may even have HR services to help you through it.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Just call in with a family or personal emergency. Your employer has no need or right to know details. At some point you should discuss with your direct boss that you are in a marital crisis, but you don't have to give out details on the phone this morning when you call in.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

BlueWall said:


> What do I say in order get out of work to see the lawyer? I am sick? I don’t know the best approach.


Family emergency.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

BlueWall said:


> After finding out she is still talking to other guys and meeting them, and lying, I don’t want to go with her anymore to Germany.
> 
> Been using VAR since April 1st.
> 
> I think she just wants to have her cake and eat it too. When I confronted her with the ultimatum back then, she said “*Why can’t we just have an open marriage*”. I didn’t know if she said that from being emotional or she was serious. Looks like I now know she was serious.



Your marriage IS an open marriage. Not by your choice. By her actions. 

She clearly has put you on notice. What are you going to do about it?


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

If you know and trust your boss, you can tell him the truth, you need to meet with a lawyer to divorce your wife. Honesty is usually the best policy.

If you don't, take a personal day or call in sick or whatever you can do to get out of working today, even use vacation if you have to.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Come on Bluewall. Stop messing around. The others have given you a step by step approach as to what to do. 

1. Consult an attorney and secure your finances.

2. Secure any evidence you have.

3. File for divorce and arrange to have her served (preferably at work).

4. Implement the 180.

5. Expose, expose, expose (family, friends, work) before she blames you for it all. Remember to never say where you got your evidence from.,


Not rocket science.


----------

