# Someone HELP me



## Paulrr (Jun 13, 2012)

My partner refused sex for many times and i haven't slept with her for 4 years, this built up a resentment in me. We don't do anything together no holidays nothing. When we have gone out when I have tried she just sits there and sulks. I tried to cuddle her many times and she walks out of the bedroom. I said I had enough by text although I just wanted to get a reaction. She just said FINE. She says she has had enough of me treating her bad although I do all the housework and cooking she does nothing. I live in a nice house that we both own and I don't know what to do, I have no friends and have nothing to look forward to - i have thought about taking my life. HELP
Last week we split up but we live in the same house was we both have nowhere to go, Im just trying to act the same but it is really hard, we sleep in the same bed still.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Either she has some serious undiagnosed depression or has been having an affair.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Dear Paulr - I am sorry you are going through a tough time. Please do not allow yourself to stay stuck in depression -- and if you are feeling suicidal, PLEASE reach out for in=person help with a therapist! Life is precious, and no situation is hopeless -- you will find a way forward or out, to a better life. Do not be a victim or a child, and refrain from negative thinking. It takes discipline, but can be done. Keep posting, and I pray you will find the support you need!

Best,- A12


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Paulrr said:


> My partner refused sex for many times and i haven't slept with her for 4 years, this built up a resentment in me. We don't do anything together no holidays nothing. When we have gone out when I have tried she just sits there and sulks. I tried to cuddle her many times and she walks out of the bedroom. I said I had enough by text although I just wanted to get a reaction. She just said FINE. She says she has had enough of me treating her bad although I do all the housework and cooking she does nothing. I live in a nice house that we both own and I don't know what to do, I have no friends and have nothing to look forward to - i have thought about taking my life. HELP
> Last week we split up but we live in the same house was we both have nowhere to go, Im just trying to act the same but it is really hard, we sleep in the same bed still.


My ex had to stay for a month after we split because he had nowhere to go but he slept on the sofa, you can't sleep in the same bed, it makes things ten times harder

The lack of emotional intimacy was the real death in my relationship and it sounds like that's exactly what you are dealing with. She has clearly checked out - time to focus on yourself

Question - do you still want HER? Not a 'relationship' or 'just someone to be with'. Do you want HER? I'm amazed you've put up with this behaviour from her for so long

Now I'm alone? It's a hell of a lot better than being alone in a marriage I can assure you of that
x


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## Paulrr (Jun 13, 2012)

I still feel bad have nothing left to look forward to /can't sleep- whats the point I just feel like sleeping forever and not getting up.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi Paulrr - I know it is hard to pull yourself out of depressed thinkng, but you cannot afford it! The only way out is to take action! Have a heart to heart with your wife, and empathize with her unhappiness too, and listen without judgement -- with empathy -- for her reasons for feeling this way. There was a reason you were drawn to each other and got married -- what was it? Think back to when you fell in love and take an honest look at what has happened to erode the intimacy in your marriage and what baby steps can you take to restore love and intimacy? Tell her you want to understand why she feels the way she does, and ask what would help her feel better. If this is not possible, if she has exited the marriage (for now, and for reasons that may not be all your "fault") then focus on taking care of yourself! Make sure to get some form of physical exercise each day, even if it is just taking a walk. To start being around other people and making new friends, go the "meetup.com" and join a social group that does activities you would enjoy (dinners out, hiking, what have you). Suit up and show up, even when you don;t feel like it -- positive feelings flow from positive actions! Also, make a gratitude list of all the blessing in your life that you do have, however small they might seem now, and thank God for them each morning and evening. When all else fails, find a chairty like a food pantry, where you can go help someone else in more dire straights -- this will help you get out of yourself and get some perspective. Trust me, I have been stuck in self-pity before, and it only feeds on itslef and keps you stuck. You are not alone! Be solution oriented, and keep posting on here about what you can do each day to make it a more positive one! Hang in there -- it will get better!

Hugs, - A12


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Separation in the same house is hell. I went through it a couple of months ago. I also had suicidal thoughts during the initial shock and depression that came with it. BUT if you are feeling that way - you need professional help. Be it your doctor to get you on some meds or a counselor for you to talk it through. These would be the first steps...even if there is a crisis counselling telephone service in your area. Get help first and then start focusing on your situation. Get out - go for a walk, jog or bike ride. Exercise to clear your mind. The first few weeks of a separation are the hardest. I am still down in the dumps but a million miles from where I was 2 months ago. Keep posting here...there are many wise folk who have been through it all here and will give you great advice.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Paulrr said:


> I still feel bad have nothing left to look forward to /can't sleep- whats the point I just feel like sleeping forever and not getting up.


What were you like before you married her? Hobbies? Interests? Friends? You see, there was a point in your life, before you met her, when you lived as an individual person and faced your challenges on your own. Can you "tap" that "individual" again to gain strength and understanding of your current problems?

Please don't give up on yourself Paulrr. People do care. And you are certainly worthy of the love that you crave. I sincerely hope you find yourself again.


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## Paulrr (Jun 13, 2012)

it gets worse and worse, trying to be nice she just has a go at me and talks to me with hate. There is nothing left, I can't concentrate on anything else feel like giving up


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