# Walking on pins and Needles



## sarah1970 (Jan 9, 2009)

I love my husband but we just can't communicate well especially when it comes to arguments. Lets say something is bothering me I want to talk to him about. Well i'm so nervous about bringing it up as I never know how he is going to react. First I can never get him to sit down with me and discuess it I end up following him around the house talking as he goes about his business or watching tv. Then its NEVER his fault its allways MY problem and he did nothing wrong. He can never see a issue from my point of view. If I push a issue he get pissed,swares,yells and sometimes stroms out and the issues are never really resolved. If I get really upset and cry he just makes fun of me or gets even madder and tells me to knock it off. I wanted us to go to a therapist but he said why he did not have a problem and it would be a waste of money.What can I do to get my husband to take our problems serouisly?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

sarah1970 said:


> I end up following him around the house talking as he goes about his business or watching tv.


There really isnt any one solution to fix any problem. it really comes in baby steps. one thing at a time. 

One small baby step would be to realize that the above approach, following him around talking about how you are feeling while he's not paying attention, is not good for you.

I know its frustrating, b/c you want so much for him to listen to you, but that approach will only create more problems. If you push your feelings on him, then you are not respecting what he is telling you-that he's not ready to listen. 

So, in my opinion, the first baby step would be to respect that when he says he doesnt want to talk, that you respect his boundaries. You can find other areas of emotional support in your life that will give you what you are looking for; friends, family, activities, volunteering, spiritual support.

Just remember, its just a first step. it doesnt mean it will always be the case that you cannot talk to him. but you have to find a place of peace within yourself so the emotions are not so tangled and high when you do try and talk to him.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

His swearing, yelling and cussing is verbal abuse. I understand the position you are in. I am 11 years in the same position and I am at the point where we don't really even talk because I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Feel free to pm me.


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## Susanne (Jan 5, 2009)

It sounds to me like he is insecure when it comes to you and what you are trying to get across, I have been there and what helped me was to try to communicate my feeling to him ( my husband) on his level. 

It takes a little time and understanding from your side to talk to him so he can understand where you are coming from.
Like for example I have just started an Online business 2 years ago, to help with the every day expences and I have had to explain some purchases as if he had to do them, like buying a new starter or the like for his car. 
By comparing my problems (purchases) to him on a level he can relate to, it has made us communicate on the same level.

I don't know if this makes sense to you, and if it doesn't I woill be happy to pm with you...

I am remarried and had the same problems in my first marriage about walking on pins and needles, in fear of being yelled at or totally misunderstood.

Susanne if you would like to read more about my reasons for leaving my first husband, you can read more here: http://rescuemylove.com/about


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