# Is this guy into me?



## GuacaColey

Hey.... so I started working for this new department and there's this guy there that has been chatting me up a lot. We ended up having a break time together and I happened to mention how I'm a gamer. He thought that was really cool and told me I didn't look like the type of girl who would be into video games/nerdy stuff. 

So he started using our work messenger to chat me up everyday. And it's been really nice to talk to someone, especially someone who seems to be I to the same stuff as me.

He keeps saying how we should hang out and game together, when I mentioned I might grab a drink after work today he kept saying how good that sounded (maybe like he wanted an invite?) I mentioned how I love 60's and 70's rock and he said he liked all my fave bands too. And when we talk there's just lots of eye contact and smiling from him. 

Does that sound like he's into me? Or just excited to find a friend that is into a lot of the same stuff as him? 

He's early twenties I'm early thirties if age is relevant. 




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## Laurentium

Sounds like he is.


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## WilliamM

Work romance?

Skip it. Or get another job first.


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## SunCMars

Of course he is.

The age difference is my only concern. He still has milk behind his ears.
Maybe you do, too!


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## David Darling

If he's a nerd, he thinks he's being blatently obvious in showing his interest. See How to Date a Nerdy Guy for a stereotyped discussion. Ask him for the drink and see how it goes.


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## chillymorn69

Hes too young.

Just my opinion.

Sure he would like some sweet older tang but thats it. In the long run he will be imature. 

Look for someone who has something to offer. Unless you just want a fwb kind of deal. And even then younger guys don't usually know what there doing between the sheets. But he might be hung like a horse if your into size!


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## David Darling

WilliamM said:


> Work romance?
> 
> Skip it. Or get another job first.


Work relationships are tricky aren't they? Potential for disaster, yet one of the best places to slowly get to know possible partners.


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## wilson

"Game and hang out" is essentially "Netflix and chill"

I'm guessing this guy chats up a lot of the women and the rest of the dept knows it. I'm not sure this is how you want your first impression to be in the new dept. The age difference is also something other people will gossip about. Take things reaaaaaalllllly sloooowwwwllllyy. You don't want to hook up, break up, and then have to work with him and deal with all the issues and gossip.


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## WilliamM

Imagine continuing to work with him *after* you break up.


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## David Darling

WilliamM said:


> Imagine continuing to work with him *after* you break up.


Always a factor. But not as much as it used to be. He'll have moved on in a year.

The new normal: 4 job changes by the time you're 32 - Apr. 12, 2016


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## GuacaColey

I don't think I worded my OP right... 

It was meant to be more like "Hey there's this guy at work that's becoming a good buddy but, oh s**t I think he might be starting to have the hots for me. Am I imagining things or do I need to start to disengage so he will take the hint and back off?" 

Early 20's is way too young for me. I like my men seasoned. Plus I'm still going through my divorce and dealing with that sledgehammer to my heart. 


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## GuacaColey

chillymorn69 said:


> Hes too young.
> 
> 
> 
> Just my opinion.
> 
> 
> 
> Sure he would like some sweet older tang but thats it. In the long run he will be imature.
> 
> 
> 
> Look for someone who has something to offer. Unless you just want a fwb kind of deal. And even then younger guys don't usually know what there doing between the sheets. But he might be hung like a horse if your into size!




Totally agree. 

I would say I have the spirit, energy and playfulness of someone in their early twenties but the emotional maturity of someone my age still. 

So I tend to gravitate towards men in the 38-43 age range. 

Which brings me to another question.... am I allowed to ask another question in the same thread? 


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## chillymorn69

GuacaColey said:


> Totally agree.
> 
> I would say I have the spirit, energy and playfulness of someone in their early twenties but the emotional maturity of someone my age still.
> 
> So I tend to gravitate towards men in the 38-43 age range.
> 
> Which brings me to another question.... am I allowed to ask another question in the same thread?
> 
> 
> Lol sure! Fire away.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## David Darling

wilson said:


> "Game and hang out" is essentially "Netflix and chill"
> 
> I'm guessing this guy chats up a lot of the women and the rest of the dept knows it. I'm not sure this is how you want your first impression to be in the new dept. The age difference is also something other people will gossip about. Take things reaaaaaalllllly sloooowwwwllllyy. You don't want to hook up, break up, and then have to work with him and deal with all the issues and gossip.


True. He could be a player.


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## GuacaColey

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## EleGirl

GuacaColey said:


> I don't think I worded my OP right...
> 
> It was meant to be more like "Hey there's this guy at work that's becoming a good buddy but, oh s**t I think he might be starting to have the hots for me. Am I imagining things or do I need to start to disengage so he will take the hint and back off?"
> 
> Early 20's is way too young for me. I like my men seasoned. Plus I'm still going through my divorce and dealing with that sledgehammer to my heart.


Sounds like he's into you. Time to start cooling it so that he gets the idea that you are not available and/or interested.


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## uhtred

He is probably attracted to you. You don't have to do anything extreme, just if it comes up let him know that you aren't looking for a relationship now. The divorce is a fine excuse - doesn't in any way reflect badly on him, just you aren't looking for anything now. 






GuacaColey said:


> I don't think I worded my OP right...
> 
> It was meant to be more like "Hey there's this guy at work that's becoming a good buddy but, oh s**t I think he might be starting to have the hots for me. Am I imagining things or do I need to start to disengage so he will take the hint and back off?"
> 
> Early 20's is way too young for me. I like my men seasoned. Plus I'm still going through my divorce and dealing with that sledgehammer to my heart.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## uhtred

Sex is really important to many people to a happy relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting lots great sex. 

Men vary a lot in their libidos (as do women). Since sex is important to you, you should date men who do enjoy sex. That doesn't mean men who *only* enjoy sex - I'm talking about men who enjoy all sorts of ways to spend time with you - AND enjoy great sex.

Many men maintain their interest in fun passionate sex until later in life. Some may start to have physical issues - usually 50s or later, but even then if they are passionate, they will find ways to please you.

You will find a number of threads here by women who's partners are not interested in sex - it does happen quite a lot. You will find a number of threads by men with that problem too. The key though is compatibility. Sex matters and its important to find someone who is compatible. 





GuacaColey said:


> Okay. So this is super awkward.
> 
> And if I'm not allowed to ask this here, mods feel free to delete it or whatever.
> 
> But when my STBXH and I were married he was 37 I was 30. Before we were married we would have sex daily, so I bought into the idea that sexually we were a good match. I have a very high drive.
> 
> After marriage it still stayed pretty frequent right away as long as I was always initiating, but then he would gradually start rejecting me more. Then it went down to maybe once a week or couple of weeks. But I was always initiating which sucked, and getting rejected as well.
> 
> So some side factors: STBXH insisted he remained attracted to me, was def not cheating, but would tell me he just didn't want it as much as me.
> 
> So I guess my question is, does this tend to be a problem for most men in their early to mid 40's?
> 
> Even though it's a ways away, I really don't want to set myself up to be sexually unhappy in marriage again
> 
> Okay...I was cringing the whole time asking that.
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> Edited... the other big part was I was always having to "manually start him" so to speak... he had difficulty getting erections but not difficulty maintaining them
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

Whao... age difference. Still, gamers tend to have to sacrifice their games for relationships generally, I know I did in all my relationships. But finding a woman that you are attracted to that games as well? It's a needle in a haystick. He would be an idiot not to go for you.


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## EleGirl

GuacaColey said:


> Okay. So this is super awkward.
> 
> And if I'm not allowed to ask this here, mods feel free to delete it or whatever.
> 
> But when my STBXH and I were married he was 37 I was 30. Before we were married we would have sex daily, so I bought into the idea that sexually we were a good match. I have a very high drive.
> 
> After marriage it still stayed pretty frequent right away as long as I was always initiating, but then he would gradually start rejecting me more. Then it went down to maybe once a week or couple of weeks. But I was always initiating which sucked, and getting rejected as well.
> 
> So some side factors: STBXH insisted he remained attracted to me, was def not cheating, but would tell me he just didn't want it as much as me.
> 
> So I guess my question is, does this tend to be a problem for most men in their early to mid 40's?
> 
> Even though it's a ways away, I really don't want to set myself up to be sexually unhappy in marriage again
> 
> Okay...I was cringing the whole time asking that.
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> Edited... the other big part was I was always having to "manually start him" so to speak... he had difficulty getting erections but not difficulty maintaining them


You need to look at this from an individual stand point. Your husband had sexual performance issues and was not as interested in sex as you are.

When you start dating again and get into a serious relationship, make sure you discuss your sexual needs and your view point on sex. Sadly, some people, men and women, will pull a bait and switch. Basically they will be very sexually active while dating and then after marriage they feel safe enough to reveal their real level of sexual desire. I've had that happen to me.

One of the ways to prevent this from happening is to make sure you date a person for at least 2 years before you marry them. 3 years is better. Why such a long period of time? Because the 'infatuation' period that occurs when people first fall in love will end at between 18-24 months. So you don't get to see who that person really is until you have been with them for that long. Then the extra year is so that you experience them for the 3rd year... after the infatuation has worn off and they start being who they really are.


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## chillymorn69

Your ex might of had underlying health problems,porn addiction, stress or all of the above.

There is no guarantees with sex compaired before marriage to after marriage.

I dated my wife for 8 years before marriage and banged her almost everyday even during her period. After marriage it went to once a week the day I said I do and steadly declined after with her basical never initiating. And its been a struggle since.

There is no magic way to know if they will be good sexual partners after marriage

Good luck.


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## wild jade

Sounds to me like he's trying to impress you. Does that mean he's into you? Maybe. Maybe not. He probably wants to get laid, and then you find out that no, you don't actually have all those things in common.


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## wild jade

What @EleGirl said. And yes, a lot of guys aren't all that into sex.


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## toblerone

GuacaColey said:


> Hey.... so I started working for this new department and there's this guy there that has been chatting...


he wants to bone you


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## Steve1000

GuacaColey said:


> Which brings me to another question.... am I allowed to ask another question in the same thread?


No, that would be in violation of code 3(2)(b). You *did* read the TAM regulations manual before you started posting, right?


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## growing_weary

Dont * where you eat, but yeah he's probably interested. It gets old fast with how many "geeky/nerdy/gamer-y" guys will fall all over you if you even intimate you game, watch something they're a super fan of, or read the same things. I'd say don't do it. 

I met my stbxh gaming and ymmv but never again (not like I was looking at the time either). Meeting someone with the same interests is ok, but I wouldn't do it at work. MessyMessy

Anyway, did I say don't do it enough? Don't do it! (though there are always stories about people who _do_ meet at work and fall madly in love without the cheaty bit.


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## Evinrude58

I'm biased. I don't think highly of "gamers". It seems like such a waste of time to me. (keeping in mind, my hunting and fishing and working on old motors and such--- I realize lots would call that a waste of time as well).

So NO NO NO on giving this guy your time. NO NO NO NO on the age (thank goodness you're not considering this guy).

No NO NO NO about dating a guy from your work place. Several people pointed this out. They're right.

Last of all, YES YES YES YES, he is clearly interested, is putting in lots of time and energy in courting you via messages, and YES he would LOVE to go have a drink with you.

About the husband sex. I am good up until the third night in a row. If 5 nights in a row, I'm totally not wanting it. Give me another 2 days to rest and I'll be wanting some bad. By the 5th day without, I'll be trying to rip her clothes off.
Every day? Yep, up until about 35-40, don't really remember. I'm 44 now. 4-5 out of 7 days is about right for me.


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## GuacaColey

Evinrude58 said:


> I'm biased. I don't think highly of "gamers". It seems like such a waste of time to me. (keeping in mind, my hunting and fishing and working on old motors and such--- I realize lots would call that a waste of time as well).
> 
> 
> 
> So NO NO NO on giving this guy your time. NO NO NO NO on the age (thank goodness you're not considering this guy).
> 
> 
> 
> No NO NO NO about dating a guy from your work place. Several people pointed this out. They're right.
> 
> 
> 
> Last of all, YES YES YES YES, he is clearly interested, is putting in lots of time and energy in courting you via messages, and YES he would LOVE to go have a drink with you.
> 
> 
> 
> About the husband sex. I am good up until the third night in a row. If 5 nights in a row, I'm totally not wanting it. Give me another 2 days to rest and I'll be wanting some bad. By the 5th day without, I'll be trying to rip her clothes off.
> 
> Every day? Yep, up until about 35-40, don't really remember. I'm 44 now. 4-5 out of 7 days is about right for me.




I have a two year old Parker crossbow I like to get outside with too. but I'm more into Target practice, haven't hunted much. 

So it's not like all I do is sit around and play games. 

*sigh*


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## GuacaColey

@Evinrude58

"About the husband sex. I am good up until the third night in a row. If 5 nights in a row, I'm totally not wanting it. Give me another 2 days to rest and I'll be wanting some bad. By the 5th day without, I'll be trying to rip her clothes off.

Every day? Yep, up until about 35-40, don't really remember. I'm 44 now. 4-5 out of 7 days is about right for me."

This is helpful, thanks! 


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## Evinrude58

One more thing--- my last gf wanted twice in the evening and in the morning, about the 1st year of our relationship. I was CRAZY about her. Couldn't get her off my mind 24/7. She had an awesome body, was 7 years younger than I. Sexiest woman I've ever met.
I got to the point that after 2 nights I would literally hope she stayed asleep in the morning . it totally turned me off to have to dread sex like that in the morning, simply because I just needed a little time to build up whatever it is that makes me want sex.....

That being said, she was the best sex of my life. I dream about having sex like that again. 

Soooooo..... it could just be that his drive is lower than yours.

I think it's fun to play the games...... I just don't think it's a good thing for a man to want to. A man should be out getting things done.
Wasn't even considering your desire to game......


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