# Please advise! Games? Please Help!



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

okay yesterday, stbxh hears me in the kitchen and his cell rings and says loud enough for me to hear " Oh baby I can't wait" (pretty funny since I never heard him use that before). Then I am excited that prospects are coming for a third time to see house, and he tries to burst my happiness bubble by saying: Remember you need to get a job.

Today: I go out of the garage to get my car and he is washing his cycle (just did it 2 days ago) and in my way (I leave each day same time). I get back and he announces he is making tacos for dinner (starts at 2 pm knowing I leave at 4:30).

I tell him that's nice been a long time and I go out on lanai and start skimming pool because I need to swim laps because I feel like I am going insane with this behavior. Then he gets into the pool with me and I have to swim around him. And he has cologne on.

Any suggestions on what is going on? We have been barely talking since he got back from last vacay and now this. Keep in mind we are getting legally divorced in 5 days.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Geez Spark, I dunno. That is weird; is he just playing with you sarcastically? Why would he get into the pool with colonge on - hell, that wouldn't even be normal if you and he were June and Ward Cleaver. Is that weird too that he says he is making Tacos for dinner at 2pm? I mean, it almost seems like he is trying to intimidate you in some way.

Maybe when he said he was making Tacos for dinner you should have said, "Oh wonderful, enjoy!" since obviously he was not planning to include you if you leave at 4:30.

Just really odd. So, after the 19th, do you both still stay in the same house? I think that would really hinder your ability to get back on your feet. Anyway, just ranting on here. I hope he doesn't keep acting strange around you.

BTW, our anniversary is on the 19th (I think I mentioned it before). She is in Florida and will still be there on the 19th. I am still trying to figure out how to treat the day. It would have been our 31st anniv. But now it's like, what is this day, we aren't really together but she wants to reconcile but maybe we won't or we will. So is it like "Limbo Day", what a mess.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

brighter: yes we will be in the same house. and his tacos are done. he normally cooks much later.

everything is designed to get my attention. i think he is now waking up to the fact that the divorce is 5 days away and he may not know how to break the ice. that is the only thing that makes any sense to me. i think he is scared poo less.

Anyway, i am not eating the tacos. it will ta ta as i leave my side of the house at 5 for my meeting and off to buy my own dinner.

thanks for your input. i am just confused.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sparkles422 said:


> brighter: yes we will be in the same house. and his tacos are done. he normally cooks much later.
> 
> everything is designed to get my attention. i think he is now waking up to the fact that the divorce is 5 days away and he may not know how to break the ice. that is the only thing that makes any sense to me. i think he is scared poo less.
> 
> ...


OK, do you want him to break the ice? Or have you already really moved on. My take on this is that if you want to reconcile, and you think he is scared stiff about letting you go, then this is no time to play damsel in distress and wait for him to man up. If you want to save your marriage you may need to crack the door open just a little bit to allow him the oppertunity to fess up and wake up but don't leave it to guesswork - that would be very sad if you didn't give your marriage that chance, and your time is limited.

But, if you really mean ta ta and you are really looking forward to being your own woman and being on your own, then OK, ta ta will work just fine. LOL! I would just hate to see your marriage break up due to stubborness and pride if you BOTH still wanted it to work.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Oh, WOW. That mental image of swimming around him while he has cologne on was priceless. 

This is definitely weird. Is he looking for some intimacy or what. 
5 days till D day and he wants to have you one last time or something? 

Oh sparkles I don't know what to say about this one! Very odd indeed.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

brighter: I had told him a number times that I still loved him. He never responded. I offered marriage counselling, he said no.

There is nothing more that I can do. It is up to him to talk. I have talked but it didn't go anywhere. He may be just scared now that reality is here. You see I have been dealing with it by myself these last 5 months while he vacationed a total of 6 weeks, running away. I cannot help him, he refused to talk, he refused the olive branch and he did not respond to I love you. All he said was I don't know why.

So there you have it. It is up to him to open up and talk if that is what is up. It may not be. I no longer know.

I had wanted it to work but he did not. And I tried talking many times but got no where. It truly is up to him. I see he is having vodka tonics at this time which is unusual. I don't know anymore but this confusion is pretty awful.

He has 5 days from today to swallow his pride but I don't even know then what he can say to make the abandonment, the treatment, the EA understandable. Just not very loving was it?


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Sparkles422 said:


> He has 5 days from today to swallow his pride but I don't even know then what he can say to make the abandonment, the treatment, the EA understandable. Just not very loving was it?


No, It wasn't. 

And I hope he's not just trying to ruffle your feathers up before D day. You spent 5 months dealing with all of this stuff on your own while he ran off with his tail between his legs. 

Stay strong.

If he does swallow his pride and decides to talk, I would obviously be happy for you if its what you wanted. However, as of right now that hasn't happened and I would hate to see you waste any more of your emotions and thoughts on him. You're so much better than him


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Tell you what. On the 19th, you march straight into the court house, head held high. Sign the papers and then go out and have some fun with your friends. Your single, live it up. Milk it as much as you can. Then it's time to gey back to the business of defining the new you.

In the meantime, I will text my wife on the same day with, "well, kinda sorta happy anniversary I guess." Am I supposed to say that? What is the protocol here? I dunno. How about, hey I know you are having a great time in Miami on a day that was important to us so I just wanted to say that I appreciate the fact that you picked our day to be as far away as you could get. Nah, that probably wont work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

brighter: Miami, whoa that is not a good city to hope your SO is thinking about you. Too much to be distracted by.

Yes, I will hold my head up and pocket full of kleenex and nod. Won't be able to talk I don't think.

Boy what a ride, what a fu_ _ing ride. Never had such a trip in my life. Except when we first met, that was unbelievable. I remember one night when we were holding each other, I got so petrified thinking when we die I might never see him again. I told him. I held him so hard....what happened? now on the back end it's the same pain...


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sparkles422 said:


> brighter: Miami, whoa that is not a good city to hope your SO is thinking about you. Too much to be distracted by.
> 
> Yes, I will hold my head up and pocket full of kleenex and nod. Won't be able to talk I don't think.
> 
> Boy what a ride, what a fu_ _ing ride. Never had such a trip in my life. Except when we first met, that was unbelievable. I remember one night when we were holding each other, I got so petrified thinking when we die I might never see him again. I told him. I held him so hard....what happened? now on the back end it's the same pain...


Huh, haven't heard from her in two days! Wonder how she will feel about reconciliation when she gets back next week.


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