# The Cheating Culture?



## Octobergirl (Apr 10, 2016)

Let's call it what it is...Maybe will be and was. First of all, thanks for all the help I received back then from the vets of this site. Truly thanks again. My case was an incredible exception but it was because of my own fault. Instead of collecting evidence, I spilled the beans after each discovery of evidence. In retrospect, I did that because I was not able to cope with finding more intense information on the cheating....I dealt with it in manageable steps by presenting the evidence as it came in an effort to warn and warn and warn that when I make my final decision it would be rock solid and forever, aka no turning back, no looking back, ever. Although, I did pay the price but I paid it with dignity, I got everything off my chest and I told everyone that I refuse to ever plead the 5th...Lol! I laugh now because, to make it though the hell I endured, my greatest ally was laughter. 

The prize? Getting the cheater permanently out of my life...The divorce. The Process from finding out about the cheating to final hearing: The people listening, "helping", trying my case, defending and opposing me? Cheaters. Objectivity lost. The people listening to you in therapy? Cheaters. Church folks? Cheaters and reformed cheaters. End result? Loss of finances because the cheater convinced everyone I was the cheater....That's right folks, watch out...They can flip that card right back to you, as if you were the cheater. End Result continued: He got the children, 6 years advanced child support via my equity in the house and he sold it 2 months post divorce, got another place and moved in my cousin (yes, first cousin) and her son to play dolly house with my children under the disguise that she is my children's caregiver. The cheating culture and its various effects.

So, post divorce dating scene? Cheaters. Me? I am recognizing each day exactly how strong I am, will be and was. 

My final advice? If you have rock solid proof, don't salvage the relationship. Must, must, determine amid the shock fog, if the remorse is fake. Move on. Finding myself, knowing and embracing every facet of my personality and character both good and bad? Revealed it completely, in a semi public manner with no apologies...What this all taught me, with a kudos to the ex for being a cheating addict? How to be fully courageous and honorable in the face of any storm as unrelenting as storms can be. We have to love ourselves enough before we can love anyone else enough to ever consider marrying them. Love is not selfish, rude, dishonest...we must not fool ourselves when we are lied to or deceived into believing remorse. Must be brave enough to look at the evidence and call it what it is.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Sorry you went through that. That's hell.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

What was your old username?


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## becareful (Jan 28, 2016)

How did you come to find out that all those people were cheaters? It would be highly ironic and hypocritical if the marriage counselor or therapist were/are cheaters as well.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Honestly, whether they are or not, many of my coworkers talk like they are, just from what I've learned here. Even some reactions my psychologist has had to comments I've made lead me to believe she is at least more than understanding about cheating. 

All you have to do is learn here and pay attention to what folks say and how they act. It becomes incredibly obvious that there is at least a belief that there is a place for it in some of those folks lives ... many of them, actually.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

You gave up your kids?


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