# This was so hard !!!



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I thought I could handle it....agreed to the divorce and trying to be best friends....

But we went out trick-or-treating with the boys tonight and it was torture....

He smiled at me like he used to....joked and laughed with me....

At the restaurant we had to sit together because the boys wanted to sit together and he didn't mind....

Whenever he gave me something his hand touched mine (more than necessary I would say) and it gave me butterflies in my stomach  .......da*n it !!!!!

It's going so well between us....

But I know better than to get my hopes up....I know *him* better....when he has his mind made up about something (D) it takes an act of God to change his mind 

I wanna cry !!!!!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

he cut his heart strings or maybe thoughts of a relationship that he wanted to exhist but isnt reality stay bff but start dating maybe he will be jealous and make a play you know this girl who knows this girl who knows this girl from the gym whos best friends sister happend to just like that i am not saying it would or would not but go out live a little a guarantee he is
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The 'I still want to be best friends' thing? Yeah - it doesn't work.
It's an incredibly bad and unhealthy thing.

I will give you the same advice that I give to men in this situation.
Tell him to stick 'best friends' up his a$$.

Pull away from him emotionally - even if that is not what your heart wants to do.

He thinks that the two of you will be able to cake walk through this divorce without insult or injury. So? Don't let that happen. He needs to know exactly how difficult and painful the choice that he is trying to sugar-coat actually is.

Get an attorney, make it crystal clear that you will vigorously defend your interests and the interests of your children. 

This can have the effect of 'scaring him straight'. In other words the beautiful little fantasy that he thinks your divorce is going to be, turns into a nightmare - which gives him the opportunity to wake up and decide that working on the marriage may not be such a bad idea.

On the other hand, if he has in fact completely checked out (which I question if he still wants to spend time with you and sleep with you) then once again, separating yourself from him physically and emotionally, and standing up for yourself and meeting your own needs, is the best step you can take.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

I can completely sympathize with how you must be feeling.... it is so painful to have glimpses of what 'could have been' and to be reminded of all the nice things about you're husband and how much love there was between you once. It takes a very cold heart to switch off your emotions to that, it's natural to feel the way that you are feeling, I think its part of needing to keep some hope in your life, even if you know deep down that he still wants the divorce. 

I feel just like what you described every time I have to have any contact with my husband who wanted to separate...

what I'm trying to do is whenever I start remembering all the nice things between us and loving times, I'm trying to make myself focus on a bad memory of something that wasn't right between us or that made me cry when we were together so I'm trying to remember why we are separated in the first place, I think cultivating happy memories just makes it more painful if that makes sense? Focusing on some unhappy memories is much less of a torture!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I realized too just like you Dale&Alex, that being friends and going through divorce is like handing him a slice of cake and letting him eat it too..... my H acts and will talk like NOTHING is WRONG! I mean seriously??? its too much for me to handle as well....Stat and keep pushing him slowly away, its olnly for the better for you emotionally!


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