# So Afraid of Regret



## Lonely & 4Ever Waiting (Mar 11, 2010)

Hi - I'm new here.

DH will/would have been married for 10 years this year and have 3 beautiful young children.

We separated just after the New Year. I found out some things out and needed time and space to put my thoughts/feelings into perspective.
However, I'm just not sure where things are going to end up. Because of some things that he's said and done, I have filed a petition for divorce, basically to have something black & white, in writing, to protect myself and our children.

He maintains that this is fixable. But I'm not so sure. Over the past year or so, he has become someone that I don't even recognize. Any love that was there, is now clouded by hurt and anger.

We have tried counseling. I know that I will not go back to the way things were, I will not allow myself, but I don't know if we can move forward together and I am so afraid of making a decision that I will someday regret.

How do you deal with the unknown?? Help!


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Lonely & 4Ever Waiting said:


> Hi - I'm new here.
> 
> DH will/would have been married for 10 years this year and have 3 beautiful young children.
> 
> ...


Whether you recognize it or not....you have dealt with the "unkown" your whole life.

You could potentially regret staying just as going. Don't try to predict or control the future, that for sure is hit or miss.
Likely miss. Life is what happens when you're busy planning it.
Make your decisions based on the best information you have JUST like you've done your whole life.
Don't regret that. You know better than anyone, the situation and yourself.
You know what's right for you. Don't be afraid of that.

To me regret is NOT making decisions you might do different with better or more info.
Regret IS choosing not to do something with the information you have.


Put another way...I'd MUCH rather say...I chose or tried that and it dodnt work out rather than say I wish I would have tried that but didn't.


Very long winded to say.
If you're information gut, experience and principles are telling you what's right? LISTEN and don't look back
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

Great post Vino!

Lonley: I have been fighting with these feelings for quite some time now also. About a week ago I came to this realization:


> Life is what happens when you're busy planning it.


 I have spent a good part of my life ignoring my gut and _planning _. Everything I did was a calculated decision. Meanwhile, life was happening. All of a sudden, everything I had worked so hard to create slipped through my fingers like sand. Nothing I could do about it.

Instead of investing in other peoples happines, invest in your own. That is the only way you can be sure of the results.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

Very well said, Vino & Hyndsight! 

Lonely, I understand how you feel because I too wasn't sure about my own situation, even after I moved out and the evidences of his affairs are piling up and his lies are just all over the place (got them all on his emails to me), I decided to follow my heart or what's left of it and take this chance to make myself and my son happy. One thing that helped me tho is praying...I didn't pray "God, please send him back to me or change his behavior..." I just asked for signs, for me to be able to sense which directions I should go and then wham, just last night I got the answer I needed by finding out the OW is already staying at the apartment. 

I wish you all the best, Lonely! Hugs!


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Lonely,

I'm so sorry to read of what your going through. Like yourself and many others on here I have gone through it too.. Thankfully I am on the other side now, being divorced about 3 months after 15 years of marriage.. I wasn't given a choice to try and work things out, like many others it was thrust upon me. I often doubted whether I could ever be happy again, I lost my house and most everything that mattered to me at the time... 

Since then, I took control of my life, my happiness depends on knowone but myself as does yours.. You ask of regrets.. regrets are worthless if you ask me, a regret is wishing that you could change the past, you cant change the past so learn from your regret.. look to it as a lesson that you needed to learn. like someone wrote above about praying, I prayed a lot during the early moments of the separation, I prayed that the Lord would bring her back and give me another chance.. Since then my prayers have changed and I have taken control of my life again.. 

I have fallen in love, bought another house that has no memories of my former life and I am happy..  happier than I have been in many years.. 

here is something I found during the rough times... read it often and believe it... it worked wonders for me..

*Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.*

I wish you luck Lonely.. I will keep you in my prayers.......

Skin...


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