# "count your blessings"



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You guys ever heard this line or something related to it?

What are your thoughts on it and what would you reply if your spouse told you that?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> You guys ever heard this line or something related to it?
> 
> What are your thoughts on it and what would you reply if your spouse told you that?


Yes I've heard it both from my mom when I was a kid and my wife.

Its a " covert" type of threat.
It usually means stop complaining about what you don't have and appreciate what you have before its all gone.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If my spouse said it, it would probably be out of snark or "you get what you get and you better like it" attitude.

So my response would be to eff off.

But in my life, I do count my blessings. It puts things in perspective. Sure, there are things I want, blah blah blah, but bills are paid, house is warm, kids are fed, we are happy and strong and healthy...what more could I ask for? Nothing.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I count my blessings that my ex left before he made us all destitute!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Great...

Looks like my wife has her plans on standing her ground over our little debacle in that case. Was wondering when she'll stop being nice, guess it's a sign of things to come unless I give in, oh well, I'll see her today and see what happens. All I want from her is a sincere apology.

But instead, things might be over soon. Now a big part of me just wants to compromise and accept the half-assed apology as I do miss her. *sigh*
Serves me right for being vulnerable with her throughout this reconciliation. Should have kept my heart hardened.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I know nothing of your situation but it my life this has been true... "you get what you settle for"


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## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

It could be that you're a rude jerk who deserves to hear that... I dunno ANY of your history other than the original post. 

BUT it ALSO sounds to me like something a rude jerk would say to try and emotionally manipulate and control. Like she wants you to be a doormat for her and wants you to think you're lucky to have her. 

It's also a pretty tame thing to say. Sometimes when people fight it can get really nasty in the heat of the moment. People say things they don't really mean long term. 

It is good to remember to be thankful and just not only on just one day of the year. 




RandomDude said:


> You guys ever heard this line or something related to it?
> 
> What are your thoughts on it and what would you reply if your spouse told you that?


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Don't cave. She will destroy you. No doormats. Be strong.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

My reply would be "count yours b!tch!" That's just me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I'm still struggling to maintain my focus and work ethic at the moment. I've practically lost all desire to make money, which is reflected in my work and hence my staff aren't very happy because I have to lay off their hours. We should be recieving much more business through events which are my money makers but now for this week everything is reduced to minimal service.

If anything, I still remember someone told me that my wife has her share of contributions in my business' success then I had realised. Even if it was indirectly... this house, my business, everything we have, I worked for, and it was all for her and our little one. I can live comfortably on a 9-5 job or even part-time, and I lived that way before marriage. Now I have the responsibility of an owner and director with shareholders and stakeholders to please... but no longer the motivation to even shoulder the responsibility anymore. *sigh*

Maybe it would be better if I hire a GM and move on from this. At least it'll give me more peace of mind to focus on myself.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I think when spouses say this it means they have no interest whatsoever in DOING anything nor do they want to see your point of view. It means stop whining because they are tired of listening to it.

FWIW I'm against this phrase. It is up to each person individually to learn this and it's condescending to say it to someone else. It doesn't honor their feelings at all.

I told my aunt something that I was struggling with and she says "count your blessings". Um okay how exactly is that helpful to me NOW? All it did was make me feel worse. Now in addition to being upset now I can add ungrateful to my list. Gee thanks. LOL


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

I think you are going to far with this v-day apology.She apologized and told you she had no bad intentions.

Explain to her why it was bad thing to do make her acknowledge that she was in the wrong considering other submission thing you had and that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if nothing happened in the past.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Come on dude, read my thread and see what I deal with. From your description of your game once you settle this you will have no issue getting serviced. 

Don't focus on this crap. It will play itself out, you must focus on your job. You hold all the cards here. You are in the position of power, quit surrendering to her. She does not control you, you control yourself.

With all due respect NewM "I'm sorry, BUT" is not an apology or admission of guilt on my book.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm picky, and I don't really have an interest in more routine sex. What I wanted throughout the marriage was more romance and intimacy not routine sex dictated by threats of b-fits, fights and offensive behaviour if the duty isn't performed to expectations. So I will have issues getting back in the game.

A part of me also does feel that I'm holding on too strongly to something and that I may have to compromise a little. But I just can't look at her the same way unless she can prove to me that she's capable of understanding boundaries. Her ignoring safewords when I'm in a vulnerable position also gives me a bad taste in my mouth outside of the bedroom. I don't want to hear her justifications for her behaviour, to me it just means "I'm not sorry", and then her bringing up her guilt from her past just means "look at what YOU put me through"...

*sigh*
As for my business, I don't know anymore really. The only problem with a GM is that they are locked in management contracts which means I'll have limited profits for 3 years. However I can negotiate a "trial" period and fire him/her later, but I won't be getting the good managers this way. I don't know, quite frankly I don't want to do any work. I'm just doing the bare minimal to keep the place running. Unfortunately this means laying off staff instead of pulling in more business.

I need to find some sort of motivation to make money.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Try your daughters future. Try your loyalty to your employees that have been loyal to you. Try it for all the good you can contribute back to this world that has given to you. Try it for YOU.

If you roll over and play dead, you have failed those who have looked up to you for leadership. If you can't do that you do not really deserve to be a leader and should just be a follower. 

You are better than this and know it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My daughter's future is already financially secure and neither of us are touching that money we've planned for her. As for loyalty to my employees especially some who were even there from the very beginning when I was a mere sh-tkicker - they deserve effective leadership. I am presently in no position to effectively manage my business, hence I'm contemplating hiring someone to do my job.

Part of being a leader is knowing when it's time to step down as well.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

So she wins, you are destroyed. This is not that big of deal dude. You are going to face tougher challenges in life than this. I guarantee it. Leaders do not quit at the first sign of adversary. They fight on. They are tough. Are you truly beaten here. I think not.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's easy to be uncompromising when you have alot pushing you forward. Now I have practically nothing really, no real purpose to do anything. My wife isn't winning, but neither am I in this state. I want the best for my team at work hence I know that I have to do something about the situation.

Besides if I give them a new boss for 3 months they might stop complaining about the hours and start complaining about the new boss instead telling them what to do. I try not to tell my team what to do as they do seem to become demoralised and unproductive with too much micro-management but I expect initiative in return, I don't mind them taking as many breaks as they want or talking at work or pulling pranks when we're quiet but I expect the job done without exceptions and on time so does the rest of the team, and obviously not taking breaks when its busy... went off a few times.

As such, I'm very laid back because I've been there, I can only imagine them with a more autocratic boss... lol


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> It's easy to be uncompromising when you have alot pushing you forward. Now I have practically nothing really, no real purpose to do anything. My wife isn't winning, but neither am I in this state. I want the best for my team at work hence I know that I have to do something about the situation.
> 
> Besides if I give them a new boss for 3 months they might stop complaining about the hours and start complaining about the new boss instead telling them what to do. I try not to tell my team what to do as they do seem to become demoralised and unproductive with too much micro-management but I expect initiative in return, I don't mind them taking as many breaks as they want or talking at work or pulling pranks when we're quiet but I expect the job done without exceptions and on time so does the rest of the team, and obviously not taking breaks when its busy... went off a few times.
> 
> As such, I'm very laid back because I've been there, I can only imagine them with a more autocratic boss... lol


WTF was that all about. Get some sleep.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm just trying to put some positiveness in this whole depressing situation. Just saying it would be funny if I do hire a GM... bah, nvm -.-


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

No purpose to do anything....sadness, depression talking. I get it. 

Tell me this. What have you been doing for you to snap out of this funk. Have you tried to have any fun? Do something you enjoy? 

I am starting to get the feeling you are just sitting at home staring at a light bulb. 

Been exercising? 

How did the weekend go with your daughter?


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

After several "close calls" in life and coming from the bottom towards the top over the past 10 years, I do try and remember to always count my blessings for sure.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Counting one's blessings is a good idea, however, whether a wife is a blessing or a curse is dependent entirely on the opinion of her husband.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> What have you been doing for you to snap out of this funk. Have you tried to have any fun? Do something you enjoy?
> 
> I am starting to get the feeling you are just sitting at home staring at a light bulb.


Meh, just zombing around today.



> Been exercising?


No, I have no desire or real need to.



> How did the weekend go with your daughter?


Great, until today, it's Monday. I seem to be the most depressed during this day. Then I get better during the week, get happiest during the weekend, then get very depressed again on monday.



unbelievable said:


> Counting one's blessings is a good idea, however, whether a wife is a blessing or a curse is dependent entirely on the opinion of her husband.


Really, then how do I ensure she's a blessing in my circumstances?


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

"count your blessings" 

I sang it in the choir as a child a still try to live by it each day.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"Really, then how do I ensure she's a blessing in my circumstances?"

That depends on which qualities you value and which you wish to focus your attention on. There is good and bad in everyone and we get to decide whether we will appreciate or despise others. If you look for bad you'll find it. If you look for something to appreciate and honor, you'll find that, too. 
Folks tend to want affirmation. If you make a serious effort to focus on her good traits and praise them, you might find the other ones tend to diminish. 
Normally functioning people like people who like them. How do you treat the people who like you? The ones who always believe in you and see the best in you, especially when you're not on your game? You probably enjoy their company and try to please them. The folks who criticize you, you probably don't make much effort to change their mind. 
It may be easier for me because I've spent a couple combat tours. I know what it's like to be without my wife for months and years at a time. I've seen quite a few guys die that are half my age and others with their noodles scrambled or missing limbs. 
It's not hard for me to find things to appreciate in my wife, my job, or anything else. I'm grateful I get to walk to the mailbox on my own legs. I'm grateful every night I get to sleep in my own bed. Grateful I wasn't one of the poor guys who got a Dear John in a combat zone. Any other woman would have quirks you wouldn't like, too.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm, well, based on spoken and unspoken words thus far between me and my wife, and the consensus of this forum it's obvious now that my wife is forcing an indirect ultimatum.

Right now it's like "this are my cards and that's all I have to give", either I move on from our vday incident or she walks, she hasn't been direct in this but I get the hint by her shift in behaviour - this is when she's most dangerous and decisive - when she's calm. At the same time she refuses to give me a sorry without buts despite having explained everything a thousand times.

When I apologised to her in regards to starting the whole incident I made no excuses. Her apology of her refusal to acknowledge safewords has every excuse including guilt-tripping via "look at the guilt you put me through!"
Well... at least she's transparent, sort of.

Well, I'm in too bad a shape to even want a relationship anyway so, well think I'll just let it happen. What you guys think?
Or should I do it in style and go for a charge - banzai style! Turn the tables and make the indirect ultimatum a direct one by forcing MY ultimatum?

That would be fun at least, beats sitting on my hands waiting for the end.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

You need to discuss that with your IC.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm taking a week off, I can't work and I'm getting worse and worse. Dragging myself to work just embarrasses me and my business. Counselling session this arvo as well

I've frankly lost all will to push on, I never thought I could fall out of love, fall back in love, then have my heart ripped out again within the course of 3 months. Only thing stopping me from suicidal thoughts is my daughter right now... *sigh*

Wish I can just sleep and not wake up


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Ding, ding, ding, ding. Go to the hospital immediately. Do not let this happen. I would drive you my self but it is a very long drive 

Do not wait, just go. Please.


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