# I think my fiancé is cheating



## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

Please help…I need advice.
My fiancé has preferred to finish himself for about the last month, I’m so frustrated. He does it daily(at least twice) and I can hear it in the shower. To top it off I called him after work because I hadn’t heard from him and he was at the clinic because his downstairs area was raw with a rash. I could see from his location on iPhone that he stopped by rite aid before coming home from the clinic so I know he picked something up. He’s telling me the doctor thinks it might be a bacterial infection but “he won’t have results for 2 days”
What do you think is happening and what should I do/say?!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Nothing comes from nothing. Most likely he knew that he picked something and that's the reason he's been avoiding you. Careful, because most likely since it seems that is external, he pick crabs scabies, or something like that. So do not share bedding with him, least of all have sex with him. 

He's been cheating on you with God knows what kind of woman/prostitute.
What you really need to worry is what are you going to do about it?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Rob_1 said:


> Nothing comes from nothing. Most likely he knew that he picked something and that's the reason he's been avoiding you. Careful, because most likely since it seems that is external, he pick crabs scabies, or something like that. So do not share bedding with him, least of all have sex with him.
> 
> He's been cheating on you with God knows what kind of woman/prostitute.
> What you really need to worry is what are you going to do about it?


Not 100%, as non-STD issues can occur down there. But yes, there’s a high likelihood.
You have probable cause for an indictment, just don’t jump to a conviction - yet.

Don’t have sex with him, and insist in seeing the prescription, test results (the doctor most likely had some tests run before issuing a prescription), and doctor/medical record from the visit.

If he’s forthcoming with all of it and it indicates a non-STD issue, then you’re OK. If he resists, obfuscates or is not fully forthcoming, then you have your answer.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

You should get tested for STDs. And give back the ring. He caught something and is avoiding giving it to you (if he hasn’t already.)


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> Nothing comes from nothing. Most likely he knew that he picked something and that's the reason he's been avoiding you. Careful, because most likely since it seems that is external, he pick crabs scabies, or something like that. So do not share bedding with him, least of all have sex with him.
> 
> He's been cheating on you with God knows what kind of woman/prostitute.
> What you really need to worry is what are you going to do about it?





DudeInProgress said:


> Not 100%, as non-STD issues can occur down there. But yes, there’s a high likelihood.
> You have probable cause for an indictment, just don’t jump to a conviction - yet.
> 
> Don’t have sex with him, and insist in seeing the prescription, test results (the doctor most likely had some tests run before issuing a prescription), and doctor/medical record from the visit.
> ...


that’s the odd thing..he didn’t come home with any paperwork or prescriptions even though I know he stopped at rite aid for something. It’s just not adding up and I’m trying to be as calm as possible but he’s not giving me anything to go off of. I’m lost.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

mchris1 said:


> that’s the odd thing..he didn’t come home with any paperwork or prescriptions even though I know he stopped at rite aid for something. It’s just not adding up and I’m trying to be as calm as possible but he’s not giving me anything to go off of. I’m lost.


You shouldn't be lost. You were just told what's going on.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

mchris1 said:


> Please help…I need advice.
> My fiancé has preferred to finish himself for about the last month, I’m so frustrated. He does it daily(at least twice) and I can hear it in the shower.


What?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

mchris1 said:


> that’s the odd thing..he didn’t come home with any paperwork or prescriptions even though I know he stopped at rite aid for something. It’s just not adding up and I’m trying to be as calm as possible but he’s not giving me anything to go off of. I’m lost.


He wouldn’t bring home the paperwork or prescription for you to see. Then you’d know what it was for and would know he’s cheating.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

He’s not going to show you his prescription to combat the STD he picked up while cheating on you.


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

I just don’t want to base my conclusion off assumptions but I can’t make him show me the proof. I just want to make sure I’m not overthinking.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

You are definitely not overthinking.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

mchris1 said:


> I just don’t want to base my conclusion off assumptions but I can’t make him show me the proof. I just want to make sure I’m not overthinking.


Why would he stop off for a prescription and then claim he doesn't yet know what it is ? Because he is lying. He has hidden the prescription somewhere, maybe in his car. 
Come on now, that's why he isn't having sex with you. He has cheated and caught an STD. If I were you I would get checked as well.


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Why would he stop off for a prescription and then claim he doesn't yet know what it is ? Because he is lying. He has hidden the prescription somewhere, maybe in his car.
> Come on now, that's why he isn't having sex with you. He has cheated and caught an STD. If I were you I would get checked as well.


The more I read over comments and think about the situation I agree. I will be going in tomorrow to get checked and try to have a sit down honest conversation with him about the situation.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Biggest issue here is that you cannot ask him any of the questions you asked a bunch of random internet strangers. Are you afraid of losing him?


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

Trident said:


> Biggest issue here is that you cannot ask him any of the questions you asked a bunch of random internet strangers. Are you afraid of losing him?


Versus asking him questions I think I should start the conversation and leave the floor open for him, hopefully he will be honest. It could be something minor or it could be a big issue. I don’t want to lose him by any means but I also don’t want to stay with someone who does not value the relationship.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Oh for god sakes stop tiptoeing around him and just freaking ask him what the **** is going on.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Something's off that's for sure. Don't confront him though, or he'll just take it underground. I'd be checking his car and phone urgently.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Some STDs are cured with one pill/dose so there may be nothing for him to hide. 

If he is hiding meds in the car, the heat can make them less effective or ineffective. So you'd be wise to avoid sexual contact for a good while.


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

Trident said:


> Oh for god sakes stop tiptoeing around him and just freaking ask him what the F$%k is going on.


I will once he returns. I will have some sort of resolution soon. I just wanted advice or thoughts from outsider perspective or maybe someone who had gone through a similar situation.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Excellent. Look him straight in the eye without wavering and ask what exactly is going on with that so-called "rash" you have, what is it, where might you have gotten it, what medication did he pick up at the drug store, and why did you have to play detective to find out about it?"

Then you can get into the whole jacking off in the shower twice a day and him moaning load enough for you to hear it through the running water and why he's got the need to do it so much.

How he answers is infinitely more important than whatever happens to come out of his mouth.


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

Trident said:


> Excellent. Look him straight in the eye without wavering and ask what exactly is going on with that so-called "rash" you have, what is it, where might you have gotten it, what medication did he pick up at the drug store, and why did you have to play detective to find out about it?"
> 
> Then you can get into the whole jacking off in the shower twice a day and him moaning load enough for you to hear it through the running water and why he's got the need to do it so much.
> 
> How he answers is infinitely more important than whatever happens to come out of his mouth.


Agreed 100% 
I need resolution to the issue at hand. The shower situation does need to be addressed as well, I do believe masturbation is healthy to a point but this seems to have gone a little overboard.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

mchris1 said:


> I need resolution to the issue at hand


Was that an intended pun?


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

mchris1 said:


> Versus asking him questions I think I should start the conversation and leave the floor open for him, hopefully he will be honest. It could be something minor or it could be a big issue. I don’t want to lose him by any means but I also don’t want to stay with someone who does not value the relationship.


It isn't something minor. He isn't h8nest with you. You're about to get married and he isn't telling you about his health. Sex is a responsibility although in regards of your partner. His sexual health isn't his private issue as long as you're in a sexual relationship espescially if you're getting married.

He has to tell you or you both aren't mature enough to get married, if you're not able to talk about basic things.

You two are obviously not a team. Why do you get married???


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If you can't talk to the guy, you can't marry him. If your trust is sooo low that you are using locator apps, I wonder about the wisdom of marrying.

I think you need to come clean with him about knowing he was at Rite Aid & expressing your fears. Ask to see the paperwork from the clinic. If he won't show it to you, he's hiding something.

You have to address all of this before you marry so get on it.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

He needs a “come to Jesus” talk. But the man from Naz would not say “WTF is going on?” You should!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@mchris1 it's possible he doesn't have an STD. He might, and this can happen, have rubbed himself raw by excessive masturbation.

Also, years ago I had a very nasty sore penis and groin. It looked gross and hurt like hell.

It turned out to be a fungal infection caused by some new 100% nylon underpants. Which was cured by athletes foot cream.

He needs to be honest with you, no matter what.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Trident said:


> Biggest issue here is that you cannot ask him any of the questions you asked a bunch of random internet strangers. Are you afraid of losing him?


You have been here for such a long time and only now realised that all of us come to TAM to ask questions of a bunch of random Internet strangers? 🤣


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> @mchris1 it's possible he doesn't have an STD. He might, and this can happen, have rubbed himself raw by excessive masturbation.
> 
> Also, years ago I had a very nasty sore penis and groin. It looked gross and hurt like hell.
> 
> ...


Why would he lie about not knowing what it was and not collecting anything from the pharmacy.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

DudeInProgress said:


> Not 100%, as non-STD issues can occur down there. But yes, there’s a high likelihood.


 I never said that he pickup an STD. I said "external" meaning non STD, such as scabies or crab louse, but yes sometimes that comes accompanied by an STD.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Why would he lie about not knowing what it was and not collecting anything from the pharmacy.


That's a question only he can answer.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> You have been here for such a long time and only now realised that all of us come to TAM to ask questions of a bunch of random Internet strangers? 🤣


I know. It just really gets me when I see posts like the one that started this thread- where there's no communication between the parties. It's worse when they're not even married yet!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> That's a question only he can answer.


If its not an STD then he has no reason to lie.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

There is no need for talk. Dump him now or regret it later.
No one can keep you in this but yourself.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> @mchris1 it's possible he doesn't have an STD. He might, and this can happen, have rubbed himself raw by excessive masturbation.
> 
> Also, years ago I had a very nasty sore penis and groin. It looked gross and hurt like hell.
> 
> ...


I worked with a guy that had a masterbatory hernia...I think it was called epipidimitis or something like that.he was beating it several times day. Maybe that's it ?


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Simple solution....tell him you want and deserve to see the details of his doctor visit. Everyone has access to their personal medical records online these days. I can pull up every details of my medical records going back 10+ years online. So "I don't have the paperwork" is not an excuse.

If he refuses, then he has something to hide...most likely an STD. And in that case, he's shown you his true character as someone you cannot trust. I would suggest returning the ring and moving on. Someone that is dishonest in the dating phase (when most people behave their best) will only get worse once married. So it's better to find out who he really is now than after several years of marriage. Trust me. I speak from experience.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

He is intentionally being deceitful toward you. This is about the biggest red flag you can have before marriage. DO NOT PROCEED with him. I know it sucks, but thank your lucky stars he has shown this side of himself pre-marriage. If you continue, you will regret it, this deceitfulness will only get worse over time....


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> @mchris1 it's possible he doesn't have an STD. He might, and this can happen, have rubbed himself raw by excessive masturbation.
> 
> Also, years ago I had a very nasty sore penis and groin. It looked gross and hurt like hell.
> 
> ...


That was a thought of mine as well, and why I made sure to state that in the start of the thread for a better back story. It could possibly have to do with the excessive masturbation but I won’t get anywhere by assumptions or letting my mind wander. We are going to talk about it after work today. I really appreciate everyone’s input and I have taken everything that has been said seriously. There are obvious issues that need to be worked out IF this is to proceed further. I don’t wish to become another divorce statistic.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I’m guessing you had concerns or thoughts he was cheating before this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Check his car if you can. He might have left some paperwork there from the doctor's visit or a pharmacy receipt. My ex used to leave things he didn't want me to find in his car. I searched his car a few times while he was showering. Checked under the seats, the glove box, even the tire and tool compartments. Found all sorts of things and was able to confirm that he was cheating from all I found.


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> I’m guessing you had concerns or thoughts he was cheating before this.


I actually had no concerns before this, that’s why I’m so stumped. It’s just not adding up!


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## mchris1 (5 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> Check his car if you can. He might have left some paperwork there from the doctor's visit or a pharmacy receipt. My ex used to leave things he didn't want me to find in his car. I searched his car a few times while he was showering. Checked under the seats, the glove box, even the tire and tool compartments. Found all sorts of things and was able to confirm that he was cheating from all I found.


I think if it’s gotten to a point where I feel the need to go through his things then it’s already lost, if he’s already being shady it doesn’t help if I join in. In my opinion an open honest conversation is needed and if that can’t happen then I have my answer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mchris1 said:


> I think if it’s gotten to a point where I feel the need to go through his things then it’s already lost, if he’s already being shady it doesn’t help if I join in. In my opinion an open honest conversation is needed and if that can’t happen then I have my answer.


I agree that an open, honest conversation is the best way to go. 

The problem is that most cheaters lie. So, if he tells you that he's not cheating and gives you an explanation that supports that, you still won't know if it's the truth. This is why a lot of people need some solid evidence. This is what happened in my case. Per my ex, he was insulted that I ever thought he would cheat. How terrible of me. He said he was a faithful loving husband, yada, yada, yada. But I found enough evidence to know that he was lying to me. This happens in most situations when one of the partners/spouses is cheating.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

mchris1 said:


> that’s the odd thing..he didn’t come home with any paperwork or prescriptions even though I know he stopped at rite aid for something. It’s just not adding up and I’m trying to be as calm as possible but he’s not giving me anything to go off of. I’m lost.


I bought a car in the back of the car where you keep the extra wheel I found sex enhancing tablets and tablets to grow his manhood , no matter what he went there for he got paper work , even if he went there to tune the panino


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If he has an STD then he has cheated and will lie again which is why you need proof.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> I agree that an open, honest conversation is the best way to go.
> 
> The problem is that most cheaters lie. So, if he tells you that he's not cheating and gives you an explanation that supports that, you still won't know if it's the truth. This is why a lot of people need some solid evidence. This is what happened in my case. Per my ex, he was insulted that I ever thought he would cheat. How terrible of me. He said he was a faithful loving husband, yada, yada, yada. But I found enough evidence to know that he was lying to me. This happens in most situations when one of the partners/spouses is cheating.


I second this.

If you are dealing with a cheater there is nothing that can be trusted about their words. Nothing that comes out of their mouth is to be believed. This is why “simply having a conversation” with a person cheating on you DOES NOT WORK. At best you’ll get half truths and trickle truths and subterfuge.

If someone has suspicions their spouse has cheated, I will never advise that they “talk about it”. I say get the evidence, figure out what your actions are going to be, and then lastly, talk about it.

In this case, I’d say that you are on a fact finding mission. Don’t allow him to decline showing you the medication, prescription, doctors notes, or whatever else you need to see. When you act like a shady cheater you beg to be treated as one. Accommodate the behavior accordingly.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

mchris1 said:


> The more I read over comments and think about the situation I agree. I will be going in tomorrow to get checked and try to have a sit down honest conversation with him about the situation.


He will not be honest.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

At the very least postpone the wedding until this is resolved. This is not a good way to start.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

@mchris1 

Do you have an update for us?


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

Just end things with him permanently.


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