# wife beelines it to sink after bj?



## happyhubst3r (Mar 21, 2012)

So I average about 3-4 bj's per month from wife. 9 times out of 10 she beelines it to the sink right after I have shot my last squirt out into her closed mouth. (The 1 time she would not would be when if we were driving or if there was no sink available where ever we happen to be). It is seconds if not a second that I have peaked in my orgasm that she releases me, heads to the sink, spits and then proceeds to brush her teeth. Of course, guys you know exactly what I am talking about, I would love for her to swallow not for the mere fact of swallowing, but to have those oh so precious last sucks and swirls that feel beyond amazing as you come down. But my question is this, do I push the envelope? Many threads in here pertain to no bj activity or the not allowed to finish in the mouth period. So should I thank my lucky stars for the attention I already get or should I speak up and milk it to get me that over the top amazing Bj? Thoughts?
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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

subscribed.


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## KissKiss (May 14, 2012)

I always swallow after I give my husband a blowjob, I find it extremely rude to spit it out. 
I would ask her why she does it, just lightly touch on the subject and see what the reaction is. 
Good luck.
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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

I would feel very lucky if my wife would allow me to come in her mouth. She gets me to the point of climax and expects that I will tell her when I am about to come so she can finish me with her hands. I have been tempted not to tell her but I am afraid that I wont get another BJ for a very long time if ever again. 

If I were you, I would be content with what you have. That doesn't mean that you can't talk to her about it though. If you can explain to her what it would mean and how it would make you feel if she would "finish the Job at hand" so to speak, maybe she might understand and want to please you and make an exception now and then. I guess it depends on your wife's willingness to appease you and make you happy. 

My wife, fo0r lack of a better word, is kind of prudish and getting her to do oral to me at all after we first got married was a long and arduous production.

Talk to her, but be happy regardless of the results.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Female here, I'm with KissKiss, that's extremely insulting, it's like she thinks you are gross.

On the other hand, you are getting BJ's, which apparently is more rare than I ever realized.

How would she feel if you did the same after going down on her? Not very good, I'd wager.


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## barbieDoll (Jul 7, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Female here, I'm with KissKiss, that's extremely insulting, it's like she thinks you are gross.
> 
> On the other hand, you are getting BJ's, which apparently is more rare than I ever realized.
> 
> How would she feel if you did the same after going down on her? Not very good, I'd wager.


I have to agree with both the women here but then again, I enjoy pleasing my husband and actually get turned on by giving him a BJ. 

But as lamaga said, you _are_ getting a BJ... but I would find a way to talk to her. I think the longer you don't say anything, the more you'll begin to resent her.

Is she just one of those people who is a germophobe? If she is, I have to applaud her then for at least overcoming her phobia and pleasing you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Personally, I think you should suck it up (pun intended) and enjoy what you have. My STBXW, in 17 years, didn't give me a BJ to completion once, much less run to the sink to spit.

My current GF will swallow anytime, and even asks me to let her sometimes. She'll also do cleanup duty after we have sex. But I still don't hold a grudge against my wife for what she didn't do.

Some suggestions... Try to get more occasions where she can't spit easily, so she gets used to it. Go down on her after you ejaculate in her, and give her a taste of the two of you. Get her used to the flavor and texture, and show her that it doesn't bother you either. Or after she lets you finish in her mouth, hold her down and give her a big long kiss. Same purpose.

C
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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I swallow, nearly every time. The only time I didn't was when I was pregnant. His semen is bitter. We have looked up different things he could try to change the taste and nothing has helped. I will say this, I have almost gagged many times when he finished, but I still swallowed. Has there been any facial expression that has indicated whether this could be the case? If that is the problem, I know there are ways to compensate, if diet doesn't change anything. I usually have a bottle of soda nearby to take a drink after... to get the taste out of my mouth. Or, I use breath mints. But try talking to her to see why she does this. It COULD simply be the taste. And, since she just swallows when there is no where to spit it out, she may be trying to hide that expression, so you don't know/can't see it.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Female here... used to not enjoy the taste at all but still found it offensive to spit, so I swallowed... you don't want to mess up your frequency. But I would ask her, has she ever tried to swallow? Would she try just one time and if she didn't like it no pressure to do it again? But I recently had a conversation about this with a female friend who was appalled that I swallowed! It does have a very distinct taste, but I feel like the other ladies, I wouldn't want my hubby to spit all over me! lol, or run to the sink! Now that being said I do wash my mouth out afterwards, because hubby doesn't want to kiss me until I have. lol I would proceed with caution, discussion, and openness.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Your wife gives you 3 to 4 bj a month. Have you asked her if she ok with it? Since she goes to the sink right after my guess is she does like the taste and or texture. Drink lots of water during the day makes your cum less viscous and dilutes the taste. You can also avoid foods that make you taste bad - asparagus, meat, alcohol. Search the net for things you can do to make you taste better. 

Would you be willing to swallow your cum every time she gives you a bj to show her its no big deal? Perhaps asking her in as if you are concerned about her comfort would be a good way to start. 

Do you give her oral either before or after? Does she seem to like the bj but not the finish? Do you ask or is it spontaneous? Do you get her sexually arroused before she gives or satisfy her first. A satisfied women is more willing to do what she will not do when not arroused. 

If you have never shown any concern for her comfort I think you should. Ask her if she is ok and if not tell her you appreciate the bj but you don't have to finish in her mouth if she does not like it. 

I might be a good idea to show no frustration, or lack of satisfaction or appreciation. Also make sure you sexually satisfy her frequently. Of if you are not happy, she might stop altogether, that would solve the problem.
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## happylovingwife (Jun 5, 2012)

I fail to see the point in that. It's much quicker to swallow it than to let it swish around in my mouth until I can reach the sink (or even spit it in a towel) I don't love it by any means but I know it's more rewarding for him. It's like taking a shot of some nasty liquor. You just do it and get it over with. I lay there for a few minutes letting him believe I love it and don't mind (so he doesn't balk at me doing it again) then just brush my teeth and use mouthwash before bed (tends to linger all night otherwise). I don't think he cares. He always brushes his teeth and uses mouth wash after performing oral on me. My two rules is that he doesn't get oral to completion if it's been more than 24 hours since his last release (36 tops) and I like him to let me know he's close so I'm not surprised and can get it deep in my throat so I taste it less. Otherwise, I'm good.

I don't know if you should criticize it, but maybe frame it as curiosity, "Don't you think it would be out of your mouth quicker if you just swallowed it real quick?"


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Double do you care to tell how you got your wife to change. Maybe it is something other men can try.
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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I also wondered if she's tried swallowing before?

If I had a penis, I'd imagine that would be a real buzz kill. Try not to take it personally, even though it no doubt feels that way. How about releasing on her body instead. Tell her afterwards you'll get a warm cloth. You go get the cloth and wipe her down, tell her how sexy you find her, how loved she is (assuming that's all true!). Giving oral can be intimate and sexy for a woman too. Do you know if she enjoys giving? (despite the spit) Is it a positive experience for her, as well as for you?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Tread very lightly. It's okay to MAYBE open a conversation gently and your timing better be impecable but it better come from a place of DEEP DEEP gratitude for where you are NOW. From what my husband tells me women who give regular bj's are rare whether they spit or not is irrelevant.

FWIW I swallow. I just make sure I take him deep so I don't taste it. It's really not a big deal.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

One more thing in that conversation tell her you're okay with her NOT swallowing. Give her the right to say no. And on that timing you better be okay with hearing that no too. This truly is HER choice not yours.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Why I wondered if she's swallowed before...either you or a previous lover and if that turned her off, whether taste/texture/or mentally? Maybe conditioning plays a part. Maybe she's just yet to embrace that. Has she always let you release in her mouth? I wonder if it's more related to taste/gag reflex compared to mental. If that makes sense? Positions can make a difference, as for going deep and not tasting much.

The fact that she's open to you releasing in her mouth (before she runs off), means she wants to please you. She's likely trying, in her own way. That's positive.


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## happyhubst3r (Mar 21, 2012)

I have carefully asked why she spits in the sink without sounding too selfish or insensitive. What i gathered from her was it is the texture that bothers her and not so much the taste. I guess I should try to point out my eagerness for her to finish completely with also showing het a total understanding that it is totally okay if she wants to continue to spit. I will give her oral whenever she wants, before during or after to answer ones question. I believe it is truly a texture issue and her willingness to get past it or for me to accept the wonderful oral she does already and not ask for too much.
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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> One more thing in that conversation tell her you're okay with her NOT swallowing. Give her the right to say no. And on that timing you better be okay with hearing that no too. This truly is HER choice not yours.


:iagree:

Her having trust in you and keeping her experience loving and as positive is important.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I used not to swallow because of the taste, temperature and stickiness. Enchantment, One of the members on TAM suggested that I put my H penis further back in my mouth when he cums. I can tell when he is about to cum so I just do that. I don't taste anything and there is very little that gets into my mouth so I don't have the lingering taste. 

When you broch the subject you can suggest that. It takes practice so be patient. Make the mood light, loving and warm. What ever you do don't act dissatisfied. She is giving to please you even though she seems not to like cum in her mouth. So take it the aperitif it is meant. If you are displeased she might feel inadequate and associate bj with an unhappy husband. 

I agree that this is a very delicate subject. Think before you say anything and gage her personality and mood. You really should accept her act of love with acceptance more than anything else. If I say that my spouse was uncomfortable, my first repo we would be concern. 

One thing that may be something uou want to think about. The fact that you are dissatisfied instead of concerned fir her may say something about you and your appreciation and empathy for your wife. Look at that and If that is the case, fix it fast. She may feel it and react negatively.
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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I don't think you are asking too much. She loves you obviously and I am sure she would if she could. But ask her from a place of concern not because you want more. After all she is doing this fir you If she seems open, ask her she would like to try to take you further back in her mouth. Let her control it.
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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> Also how long are your sessions. About 25-30 minutes I get a little tense. And I'm not as relaxed. 69 usually helps to get it down. Or right away going down on her
> 
> Sometimes we will have 45 minute sessions where there is play and laughter. It ups the closeness.
> 
> ...


Panda... I have never been so happy to be allergy-less in my life... that mental picture may have scarred me for life...or til I become senile. Anyway, I DID laugh at the visual. Thanks for that! :rofl:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> Plus I have horrible alligeries so a lot of times it goes in my nose after everything in my nose ran down my throat.


So that's why that happens. I coached another friend to swallow and this was what happened to her. And this was her FIRST bj ever. LOL Thankfully she and her husband took it in stride and both ended up giggling over the whole thing.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I can't offer much advice here, other than be glad you get to finish in her mouth at all! Lots of guys don't get that many bjs or any at all.

My wife used to swallow... then she would spit... now whenever I finish she just backs away and lets it spill on my tummy. Averaging maybe 2x/month lately.

Once or twice I've asked why and she says she doesn't know, she just can't, and maybe she'll be able to later. I'm at a point where I am choosing my battles sexually, so I'm leaving it alone for the time being.

It never bothered me when she would spit.. I'm usually just a blob of goo by the time she's done with me anyway. :lol:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Enjoy what your wife is offering you. Some women simply cannot bear the consistency of semen in their mouths - let alone the idea of swallowing it. Oral sex is supposed to be a positive, comfortable experience for both parties, and I'm sure you would prefer your wife to spit than gag, and possibly end up developing an aversion to oral altogether...


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Approach as you did here - how awesome it is to come down those last few seconds in her mouth. That's sexy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I guess an ex boyfriend years and years before my time put pressure on my wife to swallow all the time so I now pay the price and I can't hide when I going to finish so she stops and uses her hand to finish me. The funny thing is when I was with women that swallowed It was to intense so I had to stop them but at least they gave me an option.



If you look at the stuff I don't know if I would want to swallow it either if I was a woman.

I would like to know what guys do who have wives that female ejaculate and shot everywhere.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Didn't read all the responses but just get her to deep throat when you cum. If she does it right, I'm positive she won't taste the cum. Problem solved.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Sorry, I can't stomach semen. I will puke. I need a good lube to mask the precum. Not sure why, but it's the way it's always been. I've tried without success. My husband understands. He is not hurt one bit. He's just as happy to get oral, even if it means running to the sink and brushing teeth. I also use mouthwash. I've always been upfront and honest. I have a weak stomach when it comes to that.


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## JoeRockStar (Jun 5, 2012)

Be happy with that. In 19 years of marriage, my wife has "finished" exactly ONE bj.  We make up for it in other ways, but I sure do miss those happy endings...


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## wayne81 (Mar 12, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I swallow, nearly every time. The only time I didn't was when I was pregnant. His semen is bitter. We have looked up different things he could try to change the taste and nothing has helped. I will say this, I have almost gagged many times when he finished, but I still swallowed. Has there been any facial expression that has indicated whether this could be the case? If that is the problem, I know there are ways to compensate, if diet doesn't change anything. I usually have a bottle of soda nearby to take a drink after... to get the taste out of my mouth. Or, I use breath mints. But try talking to her to see why she does this. It COULD simply be the taste. And, since she just swallows when there is no where to spit it out, she may be trying to hide that expression, so you don't know/can't see it.


I really cannot speak to the effectiveness of this product, but I did run across it by accident when looking up ways to help my wife be more comfortable with oral sex. Like many woman (except the for the rare few here who enjoy pleasing their husbands!), my wife has a pretty strong gag reflex and has said very directly that it is the ending of oral sex that is the big offender.

So...I am NOT spamming, and as I said we haven't used it yet (I've been a little reluctant to ask her about it), but they claim it works quite well. The site is Welcome | Masque.

As an aside, I would be interested to know from the ladies' perpective if this product works. That might help me when I bring it up with my wife.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

I have to chime in on this one. I think your wife is already being incredibly unselfish by giving you blowjobs 3-4 times a month and letting you ejaculate into her mouth. Semen has a very bleachy smell. Clearly it takes quite the effort for her if she has to run to the sink right after. Why would should she feel that uncomfortable? I realize that you probably give her oral sex, but do you feel that you need to run to the sink afterwards? If you did, would you still give her oral sex 3-4 times a month? I wouldn't want my husband to do something that he clearly could not stomach. And I know he wouldn't want that of me.

I admit that this is coming from a LD person. There are many times that I have to make an effort to get in the mood to have sex with my husband. I'm trying to explore my sexuality and strengthen my drive, but this will take time. My point is that sometimes we have to set our own needs/wants aside and think of our partner. If your wife doesn't want to swallow your semen, you shouldn't pressure her to do so.


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## wifewifewife (Apr 8, 2012)

People react differently to strong flavors. Take spinach for example. Some people love it, some people tolerate it, some people hate it. Semen is a very strong flavor. I don't think anyone loves the taste, but some women tolerate it. Some hate it. Then there is also the issue of swallowing a bodily fluid, which might be disturbing to some. Would you drink her blood, sweat, or urine? Probably not. So if she has a problem swallowing your semen, I think you just have to accept it. She's probably tried and found it distasteful. I know that men claim it's an "acceptance" thing for women to swallow their semen, but I think it's more of a "control" issue. However, as Mavish said in an above answer, it's her choice. You've got it better than a lot of men, many of whom never get oral sex, and if all else is good, this is a small problem.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

The "just be happy you get what you get" argument never really works. But I hear women say it on here a lot, so obviously they think it's possible. Sorry ladies, it's not really possible to choose to be happy about something you're not happy about. It doesn't work that way.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> The "just be happy you get what you get" argument never really works. But I hear women say it on here a lot, so obviously they think it's possible. Sorry ladies, it's not really possible to choose to be happy about something you're not happy about. It doesn't work that way.


Okay, so turn your argument around to the wife. She obviously does not really enjoy swallowing semen as she runs to the sink when her husband ejaculates into her mouth. It obviously does not work for the wife to choose to be happy about something she does not feel happy about either.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Ah, I see this is rapidly turning into a BJ v. anti-BJ thread.

I don't think that was the original question...


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Ah, I see this is rapidly turning into a BJ v. anti-BJ thread.
> 
> I don't think that was the original question...


I'm definitely not meaning to turn it into a bj v. anti-bj thread. What I meant is that the husband should consider his wife's feelings about not wanting to swallow his semen. Swallowing his semen makes her uncomfortable and she should not feel pressured to do it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

And I'm just saying that both parties should consider the other's feelings. Why is it ok for the husband to consider the wife's feelings (and therefore bury his own) while she gets to go on obliviously thinking everything is cool? Is there something inherent about marriage that makes one sided interactions like this acceptable?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I agree with you, Working.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And I'm just saying that both parties should consider the other's feelings. Why is it ok for the husband to consider the wife's feelings (and therefore bury his own) while she gets to go on obliviously thinking everything is cool? Is there something inherent about marriage that makes one sided interactions like this acceptable?


But do you think that the husband is "burying his feelings" just because the wife doesn't swallow his semen? I could see how he would feel rejected if she constantly turned him down for sex. But that is not the case here. I guess what I see is that his wife is already working hard to please him and it isn't enough. I would wonder, what is enough? Should a wife do things she isn't comfortable with so her husband doesn't "bury his feelings?" I don't see it as a "one-sided interaction" when she is letting him cum in her mouth. She already is thinking about his needs.


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## happylovingwife (Jun 5, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And I'm just saying that both parties should consider the other's feelings. Why is it ok for the husband to consider the wife's feelings (and therefore bury his own) while she gets to go on obliviously thinking everything is cool? Is there something inherent about marriage that makes one sided interactions like this acceptable?


It's not quite even though. I love making my man happy and endure the whole act for his benefit. However, the fact that he repeatedly voices that I don't have to do that is a huge thing for me. I don't feel pressured. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for that (too many drinks and feeling a little off or something) so I don't. He doesn't get mad. It's symbiotic. 

I think her feelings are given paramount because she is the one who has to "suffer." You are not suffering in any way. It may not be as good but it's hardly suffering. I'm sure I'm not expressing my thoughts this way. However, I feel BJs and female oral sex as extras. Intercourse is the given by my standard. That's the act that should be expected at regular frequencies during marriage. Oral sex adds the spice and fun. It just seems selfish to nitpick the spit or swallow thing or even the BJ to completion. Any acts that cause decent amounts of discomfort are not "musts" by my book. We do them out of love and adoration.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Ugh. As soon as you use the word "endure" for a BJ (or for c-lingus), you have completely missed the point.

But I've made my point and I'll back off now.


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## happylovingwife (Jun 5, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Ugh. As soon as you use the word "endure" for a BJ (or for c-lingus), you have completely missed the point.
> 
> But I've made my point and I'll back off now.


Endure might be strong. My jaw really hurt last night so it might be coloring my perceptions at the moment. Sometimes I'm really into it and love the whole thing. My jaw is still cracking today though


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

happylovingwife said:


> It's not quite even though. I love making my man happy and endure the whole act for his benefit. However, the fact that he repeatedly voices that I don't have to do that is a huge thing for me. I don't feel pressured. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for that (too many drinks and feeling a little off or something) so I don't. He doesn't get mad. It's symbiotic.
> 
> I think her feelings are given paramount because she is the one who has to "suffer." You are not suffering in any way. It may not be as good but it's hardly suffering. I'm sure I'm not expressing my thoughts this way. However, I feel BJs and female oral sex as extras. Intercourse is the given by my standard. That's the act that should be expected at regular frequencies during marriage. Oral sex adds the spice and fun. It just seems selfish to nitpick the spit or swallow thing or even the BJ to completion. Any acts that cause decent amounts of discomfort are not "musts" by my book. We do them out of love and adoration.


I completely agree. Sex should not be about milking every last pleasure YOU can get out of it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My original point was that some wives would like their husband to pretend like he's happy so they can bury their head in the sand and live in a fantasy that they're doing everything perfectly. Neither husband or wife can choose their feelings on this. I hear what you are saying. You don't really feel that these feelings are justified and you want to believe that a husband "should" just be grateful that he gets anything even if it's just part way. In some ways I kind of agree with you. "Should" is one thing. Bottom line is most guys are not going to tell their wives their actual feelings for fear of offending them to the point that they'll stop all together. I only put my "actual" feelings out here on this website because it's a safe place to do it and some women here might benefit from getting one guy's unvarnished opinion. My wife, like many I'm sure, thinks that what she does in this area is great. I can tell by her actions that she's pretty proud of herself.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And I'm just saying that both parties should consider the other's feelings. Why is it ok for the husband to consider the wife's feelings (and therefore bury his own) while she gets to go on obliviously thinking everything is cool? Is there something inherent about marriage that makes one sided interactions like this acceptable?


I hope you are not this selfish and entitled with your wife. . This man's wife gives him a bj a week just for his pleasure - she can't stand having semen in her mouth yet she continues out of love. That is not enough for you? Well if you should ever be fortunate enough to be in the OP position, pretend you appreciate your partner. You will have joined the rest of humanity. We all have to take what we get, no one is entitled to perfection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I'm definitely not meaning to turn it into a bj v. anti-bj thread. What I meant is that the husband should consider his wife's feelings about not wanting to swallow his semen. Swallowing his semen makes her uncomfortable and she should not feel pressured to do it.


She should not feel pressured to do it. AND he should not feel pressured to pretend he's happy about it.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I just posted a long reply to Catherine and I remembered that I said I would shut up now.

*sitting on hands*


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I hope you are not this selfish and entitled with your wife. . This man's wife gives him a bj a week just for his pleasure - she can't stand having semen in her mouth yet she continues out of love. That is not enough for you? Well if you should ever be fortunate enough to be in the OP position, pretend you appreciate your partner. You will have joined the rest of humanity. We all have to take what we get, no one is entitled to perfection.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't worry Catherine, I pretend just like the rest of the humanity. But here, you all get the real truth.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I kind of laughed after reading the title to this. Mine would read "Wife beelines to living room after mention of a BJ" 

I'll get my jealousy out of the way first. You sir get more BJ's in a month than I get in about 18 months, and my frequency rate is slowly trending downward (About six months and counting without one and zero prospects on the horizon). So I'll add in my reminder to be sure to enjoy what you have.

To add my two cents, I'd suggest just keeping the lines of communication open. Talk to her about it and see if she has given any thought to trying it. If so, what is her thoughts on it and what does she need from you to make the experience -assuming she is willing to try- pleasureable for you. As others have said as well, be sure to tell her that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to and that it's up to her. Some people just can't stand the taste, or the mental image of swallowing it. Things can be worked on in time, if she is interested in working on it, but that's in her court to decide since once the bj is complete, it's all about her body at that point. Since I'm not senile yet, I still can remember the feeling of a bj and going in her mouth (granted it's been about two years since that happened so my memory is a bit fuzzy) and I understand what you are wanting, but I assume, based on your post, that's it's more like icing on the cake and that if she refuses, you'll be more than ok.

As for the past two pages of this thread, I'd like to say I side with WorkingOnMe. I think what he is saying is getting perhaps a bit mistrued. Sex is about both people. All WorkingOnMe is saying (if I'm reading your ight, please correct me if I'm not) is that the OP has something which he wants to get from his sex life and he should be able to discuss that with his wife and present a case for it. He isn't saying that she has to do anything, rather he's saying that both parties should be free to express themselves and what they want from their sex life. Isn't that what is being preached in almost every thread in this forum?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Kings, I talked to the H last night, and he agrees with you - in his previous marriage he went 24 years without a BJ, so while he appreciates the fact that I swallow, his feeling about the OP was "damn, don't rock that boat" 

And what is wrong with you TAM people that I'm now talking about you offline? OY!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My original point was that some wives would like their husband to pretend like he's happy so they can bury their head in the sand and live in a fantasy that they're doing everything perfectly. Neither husband or wife can choose their feelings on this. I hear what you are saying. You don't really feel that these feelings are justified and you want to believe that a husband "should" just be grateful that he gets anything even if it's just part way. In some ways I kind of agree with you. "Should" is one thing. Bottom line is most guys are not going to tell their wives their actual feelings for fear of offending them to the point that they'll stop all together. I only put my "actual" feelings out here on this website because it's a safe place to do it and some women here might benefit from getting one guy's unvarnished opinion. My wife, like many I'm sure, thinks that what she does in this area is great. I can tell by her actions that she's pretty proud of herself.


Think about it - does your wife get exactly what she needs from you? Does she give you a litany of all of the ways you fall short of the mark? How would you feel if she did? Do you think you want what you cannot provide her? If she has to take what she gets from you why can't you do the same? 

. There is something to be said for lowering your expectations to realistic levels. You will be much happier and more appreciative.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

First wife sucked me til I was ready and then would finish me with her hand


second wofe swallowed....now Im spoiled...cuz the feeling and after feeling are too incredible to now not want that.

However, If I have a gal who is awesome in every way but doest swallow, she at least would have to let me finish in her mouth and then if she wants to spit fine..but in a towel and NOT running to the sink. Taking a sip of wine, etc helps after a swallow.

And besides, spitting it actually makes ya TASTE the cum moreso than just quickly swallowing it down


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

lamaga said:


> I just posted a long reply to Catherine and I remembered that I said I would shut up now.
> 
> *sitting on hands*


Noooooo please post. You don't have to be religious about shutting up. Un- shut up. We are having a dialogue, I might actually learn something. Come on speak
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Think about it - does your wife get exactly what she needs from you? Does she give you a litany of all of the ways you fall short of the mark? How would you feel if she did? Do you think you want what you cannot provide her? If she has to take what she gets from you why can't you do the same?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wish my wife would give me a list -assuming there are ways in which I fell short. She says the only thing I don't do to her satisfaction is give her an orgasm through vaginal sex. I'd welcome a list. I work great from a list. It's like a 'to do' sheet at work. You know what your tasks are and what you need to do. 

I view a list like I'm applying for a job and reviewing the pre-requistes. I want the job, so I need to met those pre-requistes. I want my women to think of me as the best lover she's ever imagined. Not ever had, ever even thought was possible. How can I acheive that without know what she wants or wants more of? 

List? Sure, sign me up for a list. If it's the length of the bible I don't care, I'll start at item number one and work my way down. Odds are I'm going to have a lot of fun trying


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

We should always try to show appreciation for the things that our spouses do for us ... even if those things may fall short of what it is that we would like sometimes...if they are truly trying and giving we shouldn't scoff at their effort and focus only on what we aren't getting. Does your wife make a genuine and willing effort when she gives you a bj, or is there an attitude there?

When you focus on the positive things - the good that you are getting - funnily, you start to see more positives - in both your attitude and in hers, which may result in her feeling more comfortable and trusting and willing to try just a little bit more.

If your wife is making an effort to please you in this way, you should be appreciative of that and let your wife know that... having to go spit in the sink is better than having her throw up on you and stop the whole thing. 

If you continue to build the trust and appreciation in your relationship, then she may someday surprise you...being willing to stretch herself in ways that she has felt uncomfortable with before.

And, have you worked on compromises - there are a lot of places that cum can be deposited that don't involve the sink or her stomach (the inside of it that is). Do you ever try different things, such as having you cum on her breasts or stomach (the outside), for instance? There are a lot of creative things that you can do if you open up your mind to other possibilities.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Catherine, thanks, but nah, I would be doing exactly what I scolded others for doing, namely, engaging in the bj v. anti-bj thread. So I forebear.

But thanks!


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My original point was that some wives would like their husband to pretend like he's happy so they can bury their head in the sand and live in a fantasy that they're doing everything perfectly. Neither husband or wife can choose their feelings on this. I hear what you are saying. You don't really feel that these feelings are justified and you want to believe that a husband "should" just be grateful that he gets anything even if it's just part way. In some ways I kind of agree with you. "Should" is one thing. Bottom line is most guys are not going to tell their wives their actual feelings for fear of offending them to the point that they'll stop all together. I only put my "actual" feelings out here on this website because it's a safe place to do it and some women here might benefit from getting one guy's unvarnished opinion. My wife, like many I'm sure, thinks that what she does in this area is great. I can tell by her actions that she's pretty proud of herself.


I can see what you are saying here. And I think my husband would actually be one of those men who would keep his feelings to himself instead of honestly telling me how he feels. If he honestly did tell me how he felt, I would do my best to please him. But I would hope that if he really saw me trying (and it was just too much for me) that he could let it go and not be offended.


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## JoeRockStar (Jun 5, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I wish my wife would give me a list


Amen! Best honey-do list EVER! :smthumbup:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Think about it - does your wife get exactly what she needs from you? Does she give you a litany of all of the ways you fall short of the mark? How would you feel if she did? Do you think you want what you cannot provide her? If she has to take what she gets from you why can't you do the same?
> 
> . There is something to be said for lowering your expectations to realistic levels. You will be much happier and more appreciative.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The funny thing is, my expectations are pretty damn low. I don't think someone with your relationship can truly appreciate just how low they are. But reading this website and coming to learn what so many other wives do (including you C) has raised my expectations considerably and the result has been favorable. If my original expectations were a 2, they're now a 6. And if our sex life before was a 1, it's now a 3, maybe 4. I'm happy with the progress, but I don't think for a second that my "revised" expectations are out of line. So, no....lowering my expectations is not really in my plans. I settle for less because I have to, not because I want to.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

What I read from the OP wasn't that he was complaining about frequency or anything like that. It's that she's running away while he is still mid-orgasm. Now that would be something to discuss during the day and not right after. I'd rather she didn't swallow and finish with her hand than to just run off before I finished coming down from my orgasm. For the record, my wife never swallowed let alone allowed semen into her mouth but I understand what stopping mid-orgasm feels like.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Working - you sounded as if things were so doom and gloom. This forum has helped me to become a better more understanding wife. It may not seem that way but it is true. I am happy thIngs are improving for you. My transformation from an immature view of sexuality to maturity took years and is still happening.

I did not swallow for years. I posted about it here and Enchantment, among others made suggestions that I tried. It took about 2-3 months of trying till we got the right coordination. My husbands patience makes me willing to look stupid and fail because I know he will not get angry or act disappointed. He may feel that way but hides it because it will not help us.

I do think it is important to hide disappointment at lest while things are going in the right direction albeit slowly. I don't think it is being dishonest but it does make it possible to move forward. The person making incremental changes needs encouragement to keep moving. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

Catherine602....I can tell you it was not easy. Alot of discussion which led to some fighting. I finally was so desperate that I went to her older sister and explained my dilema. Her sister finally was the straw that broke the camels back. When her sister told her that she did oral on her husband that seemed to sway my wifes position on giving me oral sex. Still to this day, I always have to ask for it. She will not take the initiative and do it on her own. When I do ask and she agrees, it is clear in her additude and mannerisms that she does not want to do it. I don't think my advice is going to help many men out there. I am looking for advice on how to change my wife still to this day.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

DoubleTrouble, I don't think you can change that.

And I doubt your wife realizes how hurtful that is.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Couldn't stay off this thread any longer... I never thought it was very important to finish in my ex W's mouth, nor whether if I did she'd swallow or spit. Early on she said she didn't like the texture, and so I never asked to finish in her mouth and she stopped. I guess it wasn't something I "needed" though a small part of me was always hoping she'd just go for it, without me pressuring her for it - instead of making a demand, finding passive ways to get it, or even simply ask for it, I just decided on contentment. However a little extra enthusiasm and variety from her just once in awhile would have left a lasting good memory on me. Now, especially after catching up on this thread, I wonder how much I underestimated the importance of swallowing sperm, lol.

It is fine if she doesn't like it, I would never ask someone I love to do something that brought displeasure. I was a picky eater as a kid, and certain foods just made my gag and vomit, I had a massive fear of trying new things. However with age and new experiences you eventually learn new tastes, even ones that were so horrible at times in the past.

And just like overcoming any distaste, in a relationship you shouldn't just settle for what works now and leave it off the table forever. This is something you like and want, so should be something that you work past together to bring your likes and desires closer together. You could follow the suggestions to try things that make the consistency and texture more to her palatibility, and she should be willing to try swallowing atleast once in a blue moon to work past whatever mental barriers are causing this.

The other thing is when you try to push for this a little, startwith a lot of seduction and foreplay, send cute messages and make them more explicit, try to seduce her mind and become "dominant" enough to the point where when you have her worked up into a frenzy you can tell her what to do to you, and if she is wildly enthusiastic with lust outright tell her to take you in deep and swallow - it is amazing what that submissive lust can make a person crave! (especially if you are also physically stimulating her close to orgasm, lol - command instead demand)


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

lamaga said:


> DoubleTrouble, I don't think you can change that.
> 
> And I doubt your wife realizes how hurtful that is.


I agree. Your pushing her away from wanting to do it. I sense resentment building in your relationship.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Otter, that is so not what I meant. DT's wife apparently will give him grudging oral sex, and I think those of us who have received that will agree that that's not much better than no oral sex at all.

If you cannot love freely and gladly, then just don't. I also sense resentmenet building, but I'm not so eager to blame DT for it.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

lamaga said:


> Oh, Otter, that is so not what I meant. DT's wife apparently will give him grudging oral sex, and I think those of us who have received that will agree that that's not much better than no oral sex at all.
> 
> If you cannot love freely and gladly, then just don't. I also sense resentmenet building, but I'm not so eager to blame DT for it.


I understand. But I still feel like going to her sister to try and persuade her and then arguing over it isn't helping. Plus he said he always has to ask for it which made it sound to me like begging and I don't know any woman that enjoys her man doing that.

I lost my train of thought. lol


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, I agree with you there!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Oh, Otter, that is so not what I meant. *DT's wife apparently will give him grudging oral sex, and I think those of us who have received that will agree that that's not much better than no oral sex at all.*
> 
> If you cannot love freely and gladly, then just don't. I also sense resentmenet building, but I'm not so eager to blame DT for it.


This. Oh, so much this.

I think I received three bj's in my marriage -one to completion- and I didn't push the issue with her at all because bj's were just never on the table. One was at the very beginning of the relationship (pre-marriage) and of the other two, one was when she was drunk. If I even mentioned oral sex, I was given one of those looks and even talking about bj's was done begrudgingly, nevermind actually getting one.

The relationship I'm in now, it's basically to that point too. While the oral was much more freeflowing early on, it's slowed to a trickle now and is on life support. I'm pretty sure if a doctor was involved, he'd be filling out the toetag already as it's pretty much dead.

I know that if I really wanted one, I could persuade my soon-to-be wife into giving me one, but it would be grudgingly as well. I did so once last year and afterwards I felt like crap. I felt worse about begging my fiancee into giving me one than I did about not getting one in the first place. I have only asked once since then, and was refused while being given a look that made it seem like I had just asked her to eat dog food or something. 

As much as I'd love to have a remotely active oral sex life, I'd rather have none at all than get a bj grudgingly from my partner. I just feel terrible otherwise, like I just cheated or something.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

In thinking about this I can understand why people bristle when some say be happy with what you have which is probably interpreted as be glad you are getting any you are lucky. That is insulting. 

I am not saying you are lucky but to appreciate the compromise. If your partner does not like the taste, her compromise is to perform the bj any way take some in her mouth that she finds unpleasant. A lack of compromise would be not giving a bj to avoid the taste on her part. A lack of compromise on the recipient end would be to insist that she swallow. 

That is my confusion - Isn't that compromise? I have seen that concept advanced on TAM. Compromise is the essence of a good loving relationship. You avoid making a loved one do something that is unpleasent for them and they do what they can to fulfill your needs. . It is a win-win. 

That is better than a win - lose with your partner on the losing end. Maybe thinking of being content could be the knowledge that your partner has met you more than half way and you care about how they feel, you would not want to see them uncomfortable. That is a better way to frame it instead of mistaking a compromise for a take it I'd leave it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

I recall reading a few years back in a COSMO article (dont laugh guys, ya gotta stay on game) That this woman tried wine and beer right after swallowing but it didnt work for her and someone told her to get those mini tapioca cups (and if ya dont like tapioca, vanilla pudding) but tapioca works best. Right after swallowing, take a big heaping of pudding and the taste is gone.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> In thinking about this I can understand why people bristle when some say be happy with what you have which is probably interpreted as be glad you are getting any you are lucky. That is insulting.
> 
> I am not saying you are lucky but to appreciate the compromise. If your partner does not like the taste, her compromise is to perform the bj any way take some in her mouth that she finds unpleasant. A lack of compromise would be not giving a bj to avoid the taste on her part. A lack of compromise on the recipient end would be to insist that she swallow.
> 
> ...


Compromise is the key. Both partners should be working toward making the other one happy. If I knew a certain sexual act was really important to my husband, I would really try make him happy. But frankly, I'd be hurt if he didn't care if it made me feel uncomfortable or if he guilted me into doing something. I want to know that I mean more to him than his sexual gratification.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

What you say, Mom, seems completely sensible and rational, but you still don't get it.

Accepting a man's penis is accepting him in the most visceral, elemental way possible. Loving his penis will connect with him on a way you never dreamed possible. It's not about "sexual gratification." It's about accepting him completely.

I know many of you do not agree, and that's okay, but I wish you would think about it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

The grudging oral sex seems to be telling the receiver that they resent the recievers insistence that they do something they don't like. That they may feel like they are being used and objectified. Objects have no feelings to consider. People do especially people whose feelings you care about. 

That is how they may interpret it. I think it is dysfunctional and unloving to do it with such a show of dislike. What would be better is for her to express what part bothers her and ask her partner to work with her on the part she does not like. Also her partner should not just gloss over her behavior. A show of concern and working on a compromise would show more take charge qualities. 

Pretending nothing is wrong may be interpreted as a lack of caring and just concern for getting off. That is the best way to accumulate resentment which will eventually come out. What would a loving compromise would be- finding out what the giver does not like and alter things to accommodate them. It is a win -win. Both win if you care about how your partner feels. If you don't care it win - lose because the receiver is not willing to forgo getting what they want. . So it depends on the degree to which each person cares about the feelings of the other and can tolerance seeing an uncomfortable partner. 


TMI COMING THROUGH DON'T READ IF YOU ARE SQIMISH. 

It goes the other way too. Seeing an unhappy husband should generate some concern. Maybe the solution there is to get the giver aroused before the bj. Confine the oral part to a combination of licking and hands. Cum between brest. An aroused woman will do more. Maybe with an environment of acceptance, light hearted fun and mutual satisfaction the giver will work up to a full bj. 

I have made this sugestion before but when i have crikets cherp and i get no feed back I think the problem is that bj are done with the woman unaroused. You ask and she just does it cold. The poor bj stands out there all alone, easy to shoot down. It may seem like she is giving and not getting any satisfaction. I have heard some women say they are aroused but left to take care of themselves or just live with it . 

But if you make it sandwiched with in a mutually satisfying session, the bj is associated with pleasure not service. 

There is obviously something about bj that is a problem because too many women don't like it. It can't be that women are selfish. If women are then men are just as selfish. So what is it ladies and what is the solution. Men like it so much so there must be a solution. . How to make it more palatable for women? It is not enough to say that she should do it because she loves or you go to work or do chores. That is not true so that why it is not persuasive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

It is really hard to buy the penis worship angle. Women may feel that they show their love and accetence in many ways. Associating bj as a requirement to show love may be interpreted as a lack of appreciation for all that she gives. It may place a sex act above all other loving gestures. You may feel that way but I think you should rethink it. Is that true? The most frequently requested sex act from men going to sex workers is bj. . 

Why do men threaten to cheat if they dont get them? That does not seem to indicate the need for their wifves to love their penis along with the rest of them. That seems more like anyone can worship their penis. Wouldn't that mean that it is in itself is nothing special? It does not matter who gives it. Men who go to prostitutes don't care if they are loved, they want to get off. 

That is what you don't understand. Women like to feel special. Giving a bj may not seem special but a cheap act that a man will seek from anyone. Many women have had unpleasant experiences from men looking for a mouth. Coercion, head pushing, gagging, begging and not from men who loved or cared abou them. That's the problem what you are dealing with. I think the dislike is justified for many women it seems to be an act for the man wanting to get off, as special as masturbation only with a warm most hole to use . It's a hard sell the love angle it sounds nice but it is not supported in real life. Perhaps acknowledging the negative connotations and Dealing effectively with them may work. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think that your interpretation that any warm mouth will do and that that's why men cheat or see prostitutes is wrong for most men. It would certainly be wrong for me if I ever went that route. I don't necessarily think of a bj as an expression of love, more like an expression of adoration (and adoration as an expression of love). And it's not that any mouth will do, it's more like any adoration is better than no adoration. Adoration from someone I love is something that I crave. Adoration from a stranger is like putting a bandaid over a cut to an artery.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Working, agreed.

Catherine, the fact that you use the phrase "penis worship" without irony makes me realize that you are not interested in a serious discussion.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

OMG I hope I am not out of line, but why did so many people have to take his innocent question about enhancing his sex life to the extreme? He didn't say he was going to force her, he asked what is a nice way to approach this? And based on the averages presented here he is above average but who is one person to say that another should just be happy with what they have? (that that mean every person will be happy with a porn addict, or every person will be happy with the same position or.... uh... NO! or he wouldn't have posted the question to ask advice!) And then people jump back and forth on each other because then one person looks at it from an entirely different perspective about pushing her to do something she doesn't want to do!? (Again never said by anyone!!!) BUT ----Half of marriage is compromising on things we don't want to do, are new and we have never done, are still learning, or on a journey with, why should sex be any different? Its one of those things we learn, we are all here to share experiences and I'm sorry I just felt the need to say, if you don't have something constructive to contribute or can be nice, why say anything? Seriously? If it wasn't for many of the "outside of the box thinking" on this site, and seeing how men desire to be treated, my sex life (and as a consequence my dh's blowjobs included) wouldn't be at the peak they are right now, you never know who is reading and wants some honest help. (If someone wants to be happy miserable, let them be... ignore their posts) from what I have seen most of TAM is helpful, but also at the same time easily aroused to jump on people and get off topic... Sorry I just felt the need to get that out... goodness... he is talking about speaking with his wife so they can both have a more pleasurable experience, not cramming it down her throat!

BACK TO original topic, Hubster... so glad you talked to your wife!!! So now that you know the answer. (My dh read up on things before that can change taste, not sure if anything can change texture) Maybe you can ask some other questions from her though, find out if she has any suggestions, if it is something she thinks she can get past? Ask if she would be willing to try just once? (Wine may help) Or maybe you can come to some compromise (if she is one that will never swallow) to spit closer to where you are (have something near) so that she can still play with you, etc, until you have fully experienced your entire orgasm.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

The bottom line is, that whilst a woman might thoroughly enjoy pleasuring her partner with oral sex, for many swallowing semen is a thoroughly unpleasant experience. It is not only the texture that can be a problem (causing the woman to gag), but there are some who develop stomach cramps for hours afterwards due to the enzymes in the semen. 

Bearing in mind that there are many ways for a couple to pleasure one another, I truly cannot understand the necessity for one partner to get pleasure at the expense of the other partner's severe discomfort.

Wearing a condom during oral sex might be a compromise for men who like to ejaculate during oral.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> It is really hard to buy the penis worship angle. Women may feel that they show their love and accetence in many ways. Associating bj as a requirement to show love may be interpreted as a lack of appreciation for all that she gives. It may place a sex act above all other loving gestures. You may feel that way but I think you should rethink it. Is that true? The most frequently requested sex act from men going to sex workers is bj. .
> 
> Why do men threaten to cheat if they dont get them? That does not seem to indicate the need for their wifves to love their penis along with the rest of them. That seems more like anyone can worship their penis. Wouldn't that mean that it is in itself is nothing special? It does not matter who gives it. Men who go to prostitutes don't care if they are loved, they want to get off.
> 
> ...


Men like to feel special too, especially from the woman we love. Getting a BJ does that. If not giving one is what it takes for a woman to feel special, then the woman will get to feel special, and the man will wonder how special he really is.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Cosmos, wearing a condom during oral sex completely negates the experience. (Well, I'm not a guy, but I think so. I think the same thing about dental dams and cunnilingus.)

And I simply do not believe that anyone gets stomach cramps from swallowing semen. Sorry. I don't. If they do, it's psychological.

If anyone was on here saying the same things about female juices, we'd all be up in arms. Why is it okay to say that semen is essentially gross?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

lamaga said:


> Working, agreed.
> 
> Catherine, the fact that you use the phrase "penis worship" without irony makes me realize that you are not interested in a serious discussion.


Really? You should read my posts again you may get more out of it than you think. There are many of my suggestions that are worth a try. Do you have concrete suggestions? A discussion can be substantive as well as theoretical. You certainly Don't have to read if you are affronted. You are not qualified to judge the merits of my participation if you base it on one phrase. 

What may bother you is the content of the post? . Is is easier to stick your head in the sand then to face reality. There are no quick fixes but a complicated set of variable that need to be addressed. The conventional "if you love my penis you love me" is obviously not convincing to many women because the problem has not gone away.. Either women don't love men or they don't associate bj with love. Tgere may actually be a valid reason why some dont. . Pointing it out does not threaten your assumptions, and not pointing out reality does not make it go away. 

If you don't agree say so. . 

Hopefully poster who are seriously looking for solution will reframe their notions and take a new approach. You are welcomed not to read my non serious post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Has the OP been back. I think the discussion has taken a life of its own but don't you think it is worthwhile? I am learning a lot. 
I don't think we need to toe a certain line. I want to hear what people feel that has more of an effect on my beliefs than every body agreeing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Can I say penis envy? Phallus worship? Phallus symbol? Penis centered?
How do you know semen does not cause indefestion? 
Dismissing another's experiences says that they don't matter. Dont you think that doing so could be interpreted as he cares more himself than his partner? . 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Can I say penis envy? Phallus worship? Phallus symbol? Penis centered?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Penis-centric? Penis erectus? Genital genuflection?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

^^^^ ~{**}~ ^^^^
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Genital genuflection?


This one. Definitely.


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

lamaga & workingonme, I absolutely agree. I always knew sex made men feel loved & connected, but I never realized how deep that goes until TAM.



happyhubst3r said:


> I have carefully asked why she spits in the sink without sounding too selfish or insensitive. What i gathered from her was it is the texture that bothers her and not so much the taste. I guess I should try to point out my eagerness for her to finish completely with also showing het a total understanding that it is totally okay if she wants to continue to spit. I will give her oral whenever she wants, before during or after to answer ones question. I believe it is truly a texture issue and her willingness to get past it or for me to accept the wonderful oral she does already and not ask for too much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think this response may have gotten lost in the thread. I always liked the taste, but I have a strong gag reflex, so the texture could be hard for me. That said, my ex got lots of bjs, & I always swallowed (after reading on TAM, I don't think he realized how lucky he was...but different topic).

How I did it-- I would suck very deep, taking all of him in. When I felt him tensing up & swelling & could tell he was about to cvm, I would pull back- just a little- & close my throat (like when gargling). Then, when he came, I swallowed fast. I had to do it this way b/c even w/him all the way in the back of my throat, the cvm would trigger my gag. 

On the (very) rare occasion I was already queasy or whatever & just couldn't swallow, as he came I would subtly spit & let it run down his shaft as I kept on sucking. Then he still got the full effect, so to speak.

I'm not sure if this would help your wife...or even if you could suggest it to her...but I think it's good she's open to working on it. My ex never had a clue I did it this way; he just enjoyed.

Good luck.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

lamaga said:


> What you say, Mom, seems completely sensible and rational, but you still don't get it.
> 
> Accepting a man's penis is accepting him in the most visceral, elemental way possible. Loving his penis will connect with him on a way you never dreamed possible. It's not about "sexual gratification." It's about accepting him completely.
> 
> I know many of you do not agree, and that's okay, but I wish you would think about it.


You're are probably right that I don't completely get it. I won't deny that.  But I will say that I am doing my best to please my husband. I do love him--and his penis.  But I don't love the way his semen tastes. And honestly the thought of swallowing it is quite repulsive to me. Does that make me a "bad" wife/sexual partner? I don't think so. At this stage of the game, I cannot imagine myself going that far for him (and I don't see him asking it of me). I'll put on my sexy lingerie and seduce my husband. But I have my personal limits and I'm not going to feel guilty if I don't want to swallow his semen. Sorry if I got off track here. I just keep putting myself in the OP wife's shoes.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Has the OP been back. I think the discussion has taken a life of its own but don't you think it is worthwhile? I am learning a lot.
> I don't think we need to toe a certain line. I want to hear what people feel that has more of an effect on my beliefs than every body agreeing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It doesn't read worthwhile... it wasn't even a decent spinoff.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Hm....I have been a go-to-the-sink-and-spit girl (I thought just letting him cum in my mouth meant I was a trooper.) It isn't the taste so much for me but the acidity level. There's just something about it. However, reading this post and seeing how it makes OP feel, I will, hereafter, swallow. TAM saves another (future) relationship.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Seriously? Holy crap, I need to get my wife to read this thread! haha, just kidding.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Seriously? Holy crap, I need to get my wife to read this thread! haha, just kidding.


Well, I do see now that it's rude. After all, if we don't practice manners when sucking a guys' c0ck, what will the world come to?


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

happyhubst3r said:


> I would love for her to swallow not for the mere fact of swallowing, but to have those oh so precious last sucks and swirls that feel beyond amazing as you come down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


this right here seems to be the obvious compromise to me. why not ask her to not immediately rush to spit, but to keep the semen in her mouth until you are completely satisfied and have had your fill of "sucks and swirls" ...then you let her know with words or a signal and she spits into a cup or towel you keep by the bed. 

??


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

firebelly said:


> Well, I do see now that it's rude. After all, if we don't practice manners when sucking a guys' c0ck, what will the world come to?


:rofl:


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

happyhubst3r said:


> So I average about 3-4 bj's per month from wife. 9 times out of 10 she beelines it to the sink right after I have shot my last squirt out into her closed mouth. (The 1 time she would not would be when if we were driving or if there was no sink available where ever we happen to be). It is seconds if not a second that I have peaked in my orgasm that she releases me, heads to the sink, spits and then proceeds to brush her teeth. Of course, guys you know exactly what I am talking about, I would love for her to swallow not for the mere fact of swallowing, but to have those oh so precious last sucks and swirls that feel beyond amazing as you come down. But my question is this, do I push the envelope? Many threads in here pertain to no bj activity or the not allowed to finish in the mouth period. So should I thank my lucky stars for the attention I already get or should I speak up and milk it to get me that over the top amazing Bj? Thoughts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife gives me bjs, but the option of spitting or swallowing doesnt even enter the equation. So I'd say leave it alone and appreciate you do get this much - we always want what we dont have . But its easy advice for me to say.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

happyhubst3r said:


> I would love for her to swallow not for the mere fact of swallowing, but to have those oh so precious last sucks and swirls that feel beyond amazing as you come down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hm...my x didn't like my mouth to be on him at the very end because the head was so sensitive (I likened it to the last couple of seconds after I orgasm - my clit gets really sensitive and I pushed him away.) Does this not happen to you? Or am I missing something?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

lamaga said:


> If anyone was on here saying the same things about female juices, we'd all be up in arms. Why is it okay to say that semen is essentially gross?


It isn't, and I didn't.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> It isn't, and I didn't.


I think this is part of what's changing my mind. I wouldn't want someone doing that to me, so I should return the favor.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Cosmos, wearing a condom during oral sex completely negates the experience. (Well, I'm not a guy, but I think so. I think the same thing about dental dams and cunnilingus.)
> 
> And I simply do not believe that anyone gets stomach cramps from swallowing semen. Sorry. I don't. If they do, it's psychological.
> 
> If anyone was on here saying the same things about female juices, we'd all be up in arms. Why is it okay to say that semen is essentially gross?


Condoms during oral negating the experience is subjective.

I have also heard swallowing can cause digestive problems for some, and also that ejaculate in the rectum can cause cramping and pain for some.

As to being gross, why is not okay to think that? Because it comes from the body of your loved one? Does that apply to other forms of secretion and/or excretion? mean it all serves a purpose, but ingesting is not the primary purpose of sperm obviously. In fact I think a lot of guys themselves think their own sperm is gross, which is why I suspect so many are opposed to tasting themselves, and why it is so fascinating that their woman would, it is the same reason all taboos exist, including stuff like ATM.

A willing and enthusiastic woman is the most satisfying stroke of a man's ego there is, it is fun to explore this, but to suggest it is a universal show of love is incorrect in my opinion. That also doesn't mean to me its wrong to explore certain taboos too, but after thinking about some of the comments on this thread I really have to draw the ATM comparison - if you think its necessary to swallow, then using the same logic you should believe it necessary to put it in your mouth after being inside the backdoor. Or if you think the additional health risks of ATM make it incomparable then how about golden showers?


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## ChelseaBlue (Mar 5, 2012)

happyhubst3r said:


> But my question is this, do I push the envelope? Many threads in here pertain to no bj activity or the not allowed to finish in the mouth period. So should I thank my lucky stars for the attention I already get or should I speak up and milk it to get me that over the top amazing Bj? Thoughts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Lon said:


> A willing and enthusiastic woman is the most satisfying stroke of a man's ego there is, it is fun to explore this, but to suggest it is a universal show of love is incorrect in my opinion. That also doesn't mean to me its wrong to explore certain taboos too, but after thinking about some of the comments on this thread I really have to draw the ATM comparison - if you think its necessary to swallow, then using the same logic you should believe it necessary to put it in your mouth after being inside the backdoor. Or if you think the additional health risks of ATM make it incomparable then how about golden showers?


Off topic anyone?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*It is really hard to buy the penis worship angle. Women may feel that they show their love and acceptence in many ways. Associating bj as a requirement to show love may be interpreted as a lack of appreciation for all that she gives. It may place a sex act above all other loving gestures. You may feel that way but I think you should rethink it. Is that true? The most frequently requested sex act from men going to sex workers is bj. . *

Well, if we buy into "His Needs, Her Needs" and things like "The 5 Love Languages"... Then maybe we'd see it not as a requirement, but as an act of adoration... one HUGE part or "his needs".


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

lamaga said:


> What you say, Mom, seems completely sensible and rational, but you still don't get it.
> 
> Accepting a man's penis is accepting him in the most visceral, elemental way possible. Loving his penis will connect with him on a way you never dreamed possible. It's not about "sexual gratification." It's about accepting him completely.
> 
> I know many of you do not agree, and that's okay, but I wish you would think about it.



Makes sense to me. 2 ways to a mans heart...food, and lovin on his penis. 

I have been worshiping at the alter of the one eyed snake (husbands only) since I was 16. 

*****tounge in cheek moment*****

Men are like children....they want you to play with their favorite toy as much as they do....


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think that your interpretation that any warm mouth will do and that that's why men cheat or see prostitutes is wrong for most men. It would certainly be wrong for me if I ever went that route. I don't necessarily think of a bj as an expression of love, more like an expression of adoration (and adoration as an expression of love). And it's not that any mouth will do, it's more like any adoration is better than no adoration. Adoration from someone I love is something that I crave. Adoration from a stranger is like putting a bandaid over a cut to an artery.


Working I didn't say it was I said it might seem that way because bj are not always associated with love or connection usually. Do you disagree? 

They can be but it would not be the first thing that would come to anyone's mind given what happens in the real world. 

I wish at lest one person would comment on my sugesstions. Id like to know if they are reasonable but i dont know without feed back. I can stop talking about them like it is the best thing since sliced bread. 

Accepting that many women come into marriage with negative experiences and preceptions is the start of dealing with them. Sex can be connected with love or not. Bj are no different. I think making sure that oral sex is always loving and part of a sex session is one way of dealing with the negative. Always make sure the woman is aroused and sexually satisfied. Don't approach her cold to get a bj and let it end. Hold , caress and kiss her. That puts it in the context of a loving gesture. Make her feel special tell her it is her lips on you that is special to you. 

These are not criticisms they are suggesions. I am trying to share what worked for me, thats all Of course men want to feel special too. But we are talking about getting your partner to enjoy giving a bj. 

What do you think. Would that work for you and your wife? I suggest this because that is what my husband and I do most of the time. I have no negative associations. 

I always feel loved and want to return love to him. When we first got married, I thought that oral sex was disgusting. I just started swallowing, me the non swallower for years! If I can enjoy it any woman can. It may be as simple as changing her mind set and your approach maybe - make it part of pleasent sensations.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

SunnyT
Well said:


> Sunny
> 
> I think you may still have to dispel negative associations. Reading a book does not usually switch on a light. It is a beginning that needs re-enforcement. the light comes on when information and experiences reach a tipping point.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Sex Secrets » Blog Archive » 7 Tips for Swallowing Semen

This blog has 7 good ideas to make it easier for gaggers or those who think semen is icky. 

I was looking for a study on the physical effects of women swallowing semen. I found alot of stupid stuff, and wiki answers type stuff... nothing real tho.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I dont understand how there are so many women in this world who actually like pleasing there man with BJ's. I won the no BJ lottery and it sucks..pun intended.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

The relaxation comment is definitely true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

livelaughlovenow said:


> It doesn't read worthwhile... it wasn't even a decent spinoff.


mhm...couldn't agree more.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> Makes sense to me. 2 ways to a mans heart...food, and lovin on his penis.
> QUOTE]
> 
> Note to self...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

ChelseaBlue said:


> Off topic anyone?


How was my comment off topic? This thread is about W who doesn't like to swallow, isn't it??

Then it seemed like most commenters were saying that all women should swallow if they want to treat their man right. I thought there was ain intersting discussion going on and I was just replying directly to points already made on this thread about the very topic, no? What did I miss? Or are you replying to the wrong thread?


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I dont understand how there are so many women in this world who actually like pleasing there man with BJ's. I won the no BJ lottery and it sucks..pun intended.


Sorry for you Sinnister. I hope your W has other great qualities...


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Lon said:


> How was my comment off topic? This thread is about W who doesn't like to swallow, isn't it??
> 
> Then it seemed like most commenters were saying that all women should swallow if they want to treat their man right. I thought there was ain intersting discussion going on and I was just replying directly to points already made on this thread about the very topic, no? What did I miss? Or are you replying to the wrong thread?


Lon, your comments weren't off topic, IMO, and I for one appreciated them. I find it very worrying that a woman can be perceived as almost selfish if she is loath to do something that makes her uncomfortable.


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Oh, Otter, that is so not what I meant. DT's wife apparently will give him grudging oral sex, and I think those of us who have received that will agree that that's not much better than no oral sex at all.
> 
> If you cannot love freely and gladly, then just don't. I also sense resentmenet building, but I'm not so eager to blame DT for it.


Wow this thread has taken on it's own life. Just so I can make myself clear here, I Am looking for a mutually satisfying and equally loving relationship both physically and mentally. The part about allowing me to ejacualate in my wife"s mouth, although it would be nice, is not that important. A little aggessiveness on her part and taking the initiative would be greatly appreciated. It would make me feel like she wants me more and wants to make me happy. 

Just so you know, this is a 2 way street. I will do just about anything that my wife asks sexually. I am very open to just about anything sexually within reason. I perform oral sex on her routinely. I don't have to be asked, I actually enjoy it. My wife has only reached orgasam during vaginal penetration once in the 28 years we have been married. I hope that is not a reflection on me. I believe she just doesn't like the penetration part. She complains of friction and the fact that it hurts. Yes we have tried lubricants. She has had her strongest orgasams from me performing oral sex on her. I know she enjoys that immensly. 

I think using the term "grudging oral sex" is a little harsh. Yes, she is not thrilled about it but I do believe that she loves me and wants to make me happy she just has some long standing issues that prevent her from letting her hair down so to speak and stepping outside her "safety zone" and getting down and dirty. 

I am not looking to force my wife into doing anything that she doesn't want to. What I am looking for is to change her desire so she does want to. I could start a brand new thread very easily by going into how our marriage started and the reluctance she has to do even the little things for me like wearing lingerie. Trust me, if you knew, you would have a better understanding of were I am coming from. 

If I have come accross as being resentful, there may be some truth to that, but I do my best not to allow it to enter into our relationship. I am not intentionally resentful though.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I dont understand how there are so many women in this world who actually like pleasing there man with BJ's. I won the no BJ lottery and it sucks..pun intended.


When it comes to BJ lotteries, Ive ALWAYS checked those numbers BEFORE bringing home my "ticket" er... girl...


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> Lon, your comments weren't off topic, IMO, and I for one appreciated them. I find it very worrying that a woman can be perceived as almost selfish if she is loath to do something that makes her uncomfortable.


I agree. Your comments were definitely NOT off track. As a woman, I appreciate what you have to say. Personally, I resent the implication that I am less of a sexual partner/wife because I do not enjoy the taste of my husband's semen.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

GhostRydr said:


> When it comes to BJ lotteries, Ive ALWAYS checked those numbers BEFORE bringing home my "ticket" er... girl...


I rest my case. Bj = love? A ticket? You mean a human being don't you? 

And men wonder why so many women have problems with bj? It is not selfishness, it is a healthy sense of self-respect and dignity.


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## happylovingwife (Jun 5, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I rest my case. Bj = love? A ticket? You mean a human being don't you?
> 
> And men wonder why so many women have problems with bj? It is not selfishness, it is a healthy sense of self-respect and dignity.


I do agree that its' really easy to feel used with BJS. With oral sex on females, it's usually part of the build up and not the whole show. I've never once had oral sex performed on me where there wasn't a reciprocation or intercourse after. With BJs, it can be the whole show (during my period for example). For me, it's not a problem because I know my husband appreciates me and loves me immensely. He was the one telling me not to swallow because he felt so bad about it being gross for me. He lets me do it now because I've convinced him it's no big deal. The reverse happened for me. I used to hate oral sex being performed on me. I wouldn't let him do it, but over time he insisted and told me how much he loved doing it. Do I think he loves the taste? Not really, but I do think he finds it highly erotic which is the same way I feel about it. I get a little burst of pride after a BJ. I feel good that I just made him feel amazing. I'm sure he feels the same. 

The guys, on the other hand, that whine and complain about not swallowing COULD BE (not all) the ones who are making their ladies feel used. Knowing that my man is happy either way makes me want to go the extra mile. Obviously a lot of women don't feel like I do and take it as an excuse not to go for it. So I don't know what the answer is there.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I agree. Your comments were definitely NOT off track. As a woman, I appreciate what you have to say. Personally, I resent the implication that I am less of a sexual partner/wife because I do not enjoy the taste of my husband's semen.


Ya I imagine it sucks to find that out. Except the reality is that it only matters if it's an issue for your husband. Yes, I feel that my wife is less of a sexual partner for this and other limitations that she imposes for no reason, but not all husbands feel the same so you're probably fine.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Ya I imagine it sucks to find that out. Except the reality is that it only matters if it's an issue for your husband. Yes, I feel that my wife is less of a sexual partner for this and other limitations that she imposes for no reason, but not all husbands feel the same so you're probably fine.


I think everybody is looking at this as if it were a static boundary... it all comes down to preference and overcoming those differences. In my opinion, having displeasure of something has nothing to do with your ability or quality as a sex partner, but what I think I see here is some people misinterpreting certain preferences as lack of enthusiasm. Most guys prefer their W to not shove a huge dildo up their rear, but if the W wants that does it make the guy less of a sexual partner too?

This is why I think it's really important for a guy who expects his W to swallow to understand what about that he REALLY feels is important, or even necessary as many people here are implying. Once he understands his reason then you can progress together to find ways to satisfy that preference and to me THIS is what being a good sex partner is about. For the guy whose W wants to peg him, maybe he just lets her try a finger and go from there, etc.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I rest my case. Bj = love? A ticket? You mean a human being don't you?
> 
> And men wonder why so many women have problems with bj? It is not selfishness, it is a healthy sense of self-respect and dignity.


1. You have no case to rest
2. I dont equate bjs with love. I equate them with SEX
3. The lotto ticket pun was me replying to the other poster


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

GhostRydr said:


> 1. You have no case to rest
> 2. I dont equate bjs with love. I equate them with SEX
> 3. The lotto ticket pun was me replying to the other poster


So you do not think that sex and love are intertwined with your partner? You separate sex and love? I thought most of the argument revolved around how men ultimately feel more LOVED and accepted when they have sex.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I dont understand how there are so many women in this world who actually like pleasing there man with BJ's. I won the no BJ lottery and it sucks..pun intended.


I have won that lottery twice now, and the second time I thought I had properly checked the situation out before proceeding. I wish I won the real lottery half as often. 



Catherine602 said:


> I rest my case. Bj = love? A ticket? You mean a human being don't you?
> 
> And men wonder why so many women have problems with bj? It is not selfishness, it is a healthy sense of self-respect and dignity.


A BJ does not equal love. It can be a small part of what a man equates to love however. Loving someone is one feeling, formed from a large variety of expereinces with that person, from sex to children, to careers, to dreams and goals. To say love is any one of those things, or one part of one of those things as you stated, is just wrong.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Double Trouble said:


> My wife has only reached orgasam during vaginal penetration once in the 28 years we have been married. I hope that is not a reflection on me. I believe she just doesn't like the penetration part. She complains of friction and the fact that it hurts. Yes we have tried lubricants. She has had her strongest orgasams from me performing oral sex on her. I know she enjoys that immensly.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> I don't think it's a reflection on you. There are some pretty solid statistics about clitoral vs. vaginal orgasm and I think there a lot of women out there like your W. I've never had an orgasm just from penetration, and it's rare that I've had an orgasm at all during penetration (i.e. he's gotta be getting the clit at the same time and (i guess?) that's a difficult angle to sustain). Most of the time that's happened he's penetrating and I'm stimulating my clitoris myself. If I were to date a man who wouldn't go down on me, it would be a dealbreaker.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I have won that lottery twice now, and the second time I thought I had properly checked the situation out before proceeding. I wish I won the real lottery half as often.
> 
> A BJ does not equal love. It can be a small part of what a man equates to love however. Loving someone is one feeling, formed from a large variety of expereinces with that person, from sex to children, to careers, to dreams and goals. To say love is any one of those things, or one part of one of those things as you stated, is just wrong.


I think he was just carrying the lottery ticket metaphor forward - no disrespect intended.


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## ChelseaBlue (Mar 5, 2012)

Lon said:


> How was my comment off topic? This thread is about W who doesn't like to swallow, isn't it??
> 
> Then it seemed like most commenters were saying that all women should swallow if they want to treat their man right. I thought there was ain intersting discussion going on and I was just replying directly to points already made on this thread about the very topic, no? What did I miss? Or are you replying to the wrong thread?


Lon, I didn't mean to offend you, and I am truly sorry if I did. I just thought the comments about ATM in your post, were getting into an area that the OP hadn't discussed. I see that others agree with you and after re-reading your post I may have focused too much on that aspect and not enough on your overall point.

Now, as I have myself been off topic twice in this discussion I will end stating that I just hope I posted this in the correct thread.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

no offense, I was just confused... the ATM I was just using to outline the standards being applied here. I didn't really direct my comment to the OP's question, but I didn't really think it was fair to answer his question without having a clear understanding of the reasons behind the choices.


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## clearskies (Jun 9, 2012)

I'm totally late, but maybe this will help the OP. I do not like to swallow, Personally, outside of the taste and texture, I think its gross. It's sperm. Moving organisms that create babies. I know men often compare it to a woman's au jus, but really, would men be swallowing if they knew it was filled with eggs that makes babies? So this thought is what prevents me from swallowing, and no matter how hard I try, that is what is in the back of my mind. So if my husband got angry at me because I didn't swallow, I think it would be insensitive. Since the swallowing is my issue I just have tissue, or napkin ready. That way he can finish, still feel my love and I'm not disruptive as to hurry like road runner to the bathroom.


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## gooseman1124 (Sep 25, 2012)

I agree with those that say you should be grateful for what you have. There are many men that don't get BJ's at all, and many of those that do, are not allowed to cum in her mouth. Swallowing is a personal choice, and for me, cumming in a woman's mouth is the ultimate intimate act of enjoyment. What she does with it afterward is insignificant.


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