# Husband of 10 years cheated



## Cheynanner (Nov 23, 2021)

Hi everyone, I am struggling with my situation because my husband who has been my protector and lover and best friend for 10 years cheated. We had a very passionate relationship but struggles along the way caused some division. He always swore cheating was something he would never do and we even cut ties with friends that were serial cheaters. I just learned that he cheated on me with many women in the past 5 months and even had an affair with someone who openly had herpes. I feel like I do not even know this man. I am taking this very very hard. I am struggling with self identity now and find myself feeling like I can’t go on. It hurts worse than anything I’ve ever been through. He was my world for 10 years. I’ve stood by his side through all of his issues. In April I went through a bad depression and this is when he started doing these things. I don’t want to go to work, I don’t care about things I used to love, I just want to crawl into a ball and cry my eyes out. Someone please help me make sense of everything. Has he been doing this all along and lying to my face?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am so sorry, what a terrible shock. Do you have family or close friends who can give you some support?

Please get tested for STD's.




We don't know if he's cheated before the last 6 months, but he is a serial cheater regardless. If you want to know for sure you could always book a lie detector test but would it make a difference as to what you do next? He has already had sex with multiple women with no thought for you or what he may pass into you.

How did you find out? What has he said about it?

Do you have children? Is he still in the house?


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## Cheynanner (Nov 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I am so sorry, what a terrible shock. Do you have family or close friends who can give you some support?
> Please get tested for STD's.
> 
> 
> ...


I went for testing last week. My results came today and thankfully I do not have any STD’s.

he denied it and asked me if I was going to keep asking the same questions over and over.
I found proof in his phone and the woman that openly had herpes came to me with the truth.

that is where most of the hurt is coming from. The fact that he didn’t care about me at all. The man I have done everything for. The 1 I trusted more than anyone.
I have no living family besides my children (From a previous relationship) and my mother. My mother goes through her own relationship issues and is emotionally unavailable. We moved to a new town 2 years ago so I haven’t made any new friends.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Cheynanner said:


> I went for testing last week. My results came today and thankfully I do not have any STD’s.
> 
> he denied it and asked me if I was going to keep asking the same questions over and over.
> I found proof in his phone and the woman that openly had herpes came to me with the truth.
> ...


Do to him what many guys here recommend to do to the wives when you have proof otherwise.
Lie detector.
I'm sorry for what you're going through.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Cheynanner said:


> Hi everyone, I am struggling with my situation because my husband who has been my protector and lover and best friend for 10 years cheated. We had a very passionate relationship but struggles along the way caused some division. He always swore cheating was something he would never do and we even cut ties with friends that were serial cheaters. I just learned that he cheated on me with many women in the past 5 months and even had an affair with someone who openly had herpes. I feel like I do not even know this man. I am taking this very very hard. I am struggling with self identity now and find myself feeling like I can’t go on. It hurts worse than anything I’ve ever been through. He was my world for 10 years. I’ve stood by his side through all of his issues. In April I went through a bad depression and this is when he started doing these things. I don’t want to go to work, I don’t care about things I used to love, I just want to crawl into a ball and cry my eyes out. Someone please help me make sense of everything. Has he been doing this all along and lying to my face?


So so sorry for what you are going through. He may well have reacted to your depression but if he really loved you he would have treated you better.
Time to put on your big girl panties, kick him out of the home. See a good lawyer, get STD tested. Go full no contact with him and if possible see a therapist.
He is a liar, a cheat and a scum bag, treat him accordingly. He is not your lover, protector or best friend, he is your enemy. He was none of those things, otherwise, he would not betray you like this.
Spouses often show you who they are when things get tough, your depression revealed the true him. Get rid of him.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Good news about the all clear on the tests. I believe you may need to have more tests in a few months.

I do think the lying is just as bad as the cheating. To know he had cheated but wasn't even man enough to tell the truth when confronted is double the hurt.

From what you have said he isn't in the least repentant either.

What do you think you will do?

How old are your children? Can you talk to them if they are adults?


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Are your children adults? Could you go stay with one of them until you get on your feet? I'd doubt he just (all of the sudden) started cheating. You most likely just didn't catch him before. Regardless,knowingly exposing you to herpes is an unforgivable act and he doesn't deserve your trust or companionship. Run!


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Sounds like he went off the rails. I'm so sorry.

This hurts more than a parent dying - I know - been there.

My recommendations are as follows:

1) if your kids are teens or older, tell them
2) talk to an attorney
3) do not have sex with your H, do not sleep in the same bed, do not let him touch you

He sounds remorseless. The only thing that will bring him to his senses is swift, decisive action. As in, divorce papers. Guessing if he gets those, he'll start begging and pleading and offer "the truth".


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

I feel really bad about your story, I've been there as well and it can be an unbearable pain. You will get through this.

One thing I would like to advise on - DO NOT let him justify his behavior based on your depression. A good spouse does not forsake their SO because of depression, they stick by you and support you through it.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Sorry you are here. The person you thought he was never existed. You need to realize that. You can't hold on to the image you have of him in your mind because it is false.

Tell him he is a liar and ghost him. Have him served.

There is no way you can continue this. You'd literally be risking your life.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Serial cheaters almost never change. I was married to one for decades because I believed him when he said he had changed. He lied. If you stay you’ll never again trust him (or at least you shouldn’t). It’s a difficult life and I don’t recommend it.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Yes, this is living hell. You're reacting in a very normal way. A case of that kind is particularly atrocious. I can't imagine going along in a good relationship and then suddenly have a feral cat as an H. My goodness. 

Yes, you must separate, detach, desist. He's of danger to your health. He took the chance of a life affliction and then give it to you. You're done. You have to be. 

See a D attorney. We all know the pain and the agony, the emotional rollercoaster, the massacre of self esteem, a complete questioning of everything we have ever been. There is going to be pain no matter what. Try to contain it and start moving on as soon as you can. He has ceased to exist. 

Do anything that consumes time, or that you maybe can do that challenges you but you like the challenge (like physical workouts, e.g.). You have to manage you and start doing everything that can keep you active. 

Good Luck.


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