# I need help with this....



## His_Wife_77 (Jun 9, 2011)

Here is my issue... 
I am married. I love my husband to death. But I feel like he is slowly losing me. This is why...

My husband is the kind of person who is open sexually. In other words, he wants to do threesomes and swaps, etc. He also wants to see me have sex with another man. He even went as far as to say that he wouldn't mind if I slept with one of his friends..Its to the point that he feels like he needs this to make him happy. Its not just a fantasy. I get it, we all have them. But we are MARRIED.. I dont want to share myself with another man.. I dont want to share him with another woman.. 

To top it all off, he is not the most affectionate person, verbally or physically. In other words, I got to beat an "I love you" out of him but he doesn't hesitate to tell me how much he wants a threesome with me and some other girl or man. I got to beat a compliment out of him but he is quick to compliment another woman.. Let me explain... I am a very attractive woman. I take good care of myself.. I really dont get it. 

All of this has got my heart tired. I am about to just leave. I didn't sign up for this. I got married to be with ONE person. I got married to join myself to ONE man... For this, I could've stayed single... 

I need help because I am hurting inside...


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Be up front with him... you are willing to experiment in bed, but not with anyone else. Period. End of discussion.

You are giving him another direction to pursue and closing the door on the other.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

silly question but have you explained this to him? what did he say?


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## His_Wife_77 (Jun 9, 2011)

Hi everyone.. Im sorry, I was not clear about one detail. I have spoken to him about my feelings on this. In my mind, I dont see why a person woule get married and want to do this. I dont pass judgment on people who do but I view the marital bed as a safe haven for 2 people. 

He tells me that this is what would make him happy. He feels like "life is too short".. 

So in my mind, he doesn't want to be married.. that's just how I feel about it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Is all this new? Or was it being discussed before you got married? How long have you been married, and when did this start?

You have a traditional perspective on marriage, and a sexual relationship within a marriage. He has a non-traditional view. Neither is right or wrong, but they may be incompatible if you can't work out a compromise. 

Chris's advice on being willing to explore things with just the two of you may be a compromise that works; all you can do is try. Counseling may be an option as well.

C


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

Wow... If he requires this, I can't see a non-painful end to your predicament. I'm so sorry.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

His_Wife_77 said:


> Hi everyone.. Im sorry, I was not clear about one detail. I have spoken to him about my feelings on this. In my mind, I dont see why a person woule get married and want to do this. I dont pass judgment on people who do but I view the marital bed as a safe haven for 2 people.
> 
> He tells me that this is what would make him happy. He feels like "life is too short"..
> 
> So in my mind, he doesn't want to be married.. that's just how I feel about it.


Stay true to yourself, and understand that your feelings about the potential end of the marriage are entirely justified. Some women are open to this lifestyle, and its their prerogative. You, though, are not. If he talks you into it, you probably will not get to the place where it doesn't feel wrong to you.

Simply put, if he shrugged off your concerns, then this becomes a marriage breaker.

I would recommend telling him that all discussion regarding this is over. You will not listen to any more whining. If he can't get past for good, then you will have no choice but to interpret this as asking for a release from the marriage.

It is a selfish person who would keep pushing after you have established your personal boundaries. There are plenty of men out there who share the same view, and would consider themselves lucky to be with someone with your strength of character.

BTW - tell him that, in your opinion, life is too short not to have a husband that is attentive, always meets your emotional needs, celebrates your union to the fullest extent possible, and honors you above every fantasy in his mind. Ask him how that sock fits, and why your dreams haven't happened if he's entitled to have his own dreams come true too.


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## Edge (Mar 30, 2011)

I can't imagine sharing my wife nor her sharing me. Just tell him no. Tell him he has his choice you and only you or he can leave. I don't believe in divorce but sometimes you have no choice.


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## His_Wife_77 (Jun 9, 2011)

@PBear... I have definitely made it a point to let him know that anyone goes... BETWEEN US. So, that's a given for me. I love to please my spouse. But this... this is too much.


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## Goodboy (Jun 11, 2011)

I do not think your husband is alright. It is hard before you can see right thinking man that is advising his wife to sleep with another man.
It could be the your husband formed that habit before you and him got married and it has become a driving force to his life. From my understanding, he might have been sleeping with different women out there.
Coming to the issue of you going to sleep with another man or men, it is against the will of God! do not do that.


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## newlife60 (Jul 12, 2011)

TO HIS WIFE 77

As I read your words this morning, heartfelt tears are streaming down my face. I have been in your situation to the exact letter you describe. You may have married my exhusband.

I don't judge individuals for their uniqueness but I had strong issues for him NOT telling me he felt this way all along. He gave an impression of traditionalism for the year and half we dated. He thought though I was a traditional girl he would change me in time and that I would see the light in his way.

We counseled for a year, talked for months, I cried many sleepless nights. It took me forever to get the strength together to honor my own convictions of who I was, what marriage meant to me, and eventually and painfully we divorced. I was widowed in my first marriage so walking away from my him in a 2nd marriage was the most painful thing I have ever done. 1 man, 1 love, 1 life, 1 soul mate-- I couldn't let those beliefs go. It was a part of my core. It took time to really understand that about myself. I had to honor that. 

5 years later I met someone who thinks the same as I do and I have to say that every tear filled prayer I ever cried on my pillow was answered by a loving power above us. We are happily married and I look back on those years of pain -- they prepared me to appreciate what I have now. I hope somehow this makes sense.

I am sooooo sorry that you are in this situation and I really know the pain you are feeling. My hope is that my words will give you hope in yourself. I do not criticize your husband here. I only offer that feeling the way you feel is not to be criticized either. You will find your way--- really you will.... 
I will keep you in my prayers


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

if it was just a fantasy I would say go with it but if he seriously wants to do this in real life ......This above all; to thine on self be true!


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