# Broken Marriage?



## sadlamomma (Jun 14, 2017)

I found this site and this is my first post here but I would really appreciate some advice. I married my husband after knowing him for two weeks. That was 19 years ago. I started being unhappy in the marriage around the 9 year point but with kids and work I could fake it pretty good. My husband liked to make sexual comments about other women and had a porn addiction. After years of telling him how it made me feel, it continued. He wanted me to be eye candy for other men and would walk behind me to see the reaction. He said it was a compliment to him but I felt humiliated. I don't respect his work ethic although he does provide. He has a problem with alcohol and has failed treatment five times. I left the home after an instance of abuse. My leaving caused him to attempt to take his life which lead to more rehabilitation and huge amounts of guilt for me. I came back hoping for a change and trying to mend the family for my children and save our 19 years of marriage but even touching his hand makes me cringe. Icing on the cake is the drinking has started. Please advise


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It's very hard after so many years, I know. My first reaction - and what I think will be my reaction even after much consideration - is that you should leave and start making a better life for yourself. He is disrespectful, abusive, and manipulative. And....you don't love him anymore.

Leave and call 911 if he threatens suicide.

So sorry.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with alte Dame.

Do not let his suicide attempt keep you trapped. If he threatens it again, just call 911. They will send out someone and take him to get help. Suicide threats and attempts are often used as a way to guilt trip the spouse who wants to leave. Giving into it by returning is not good... as you have now found out.

How did the try to commit suicide? What did he do?

I agree that you need to leave him. Your first responsibility is to take good care of yourself. So do that.

You should not be in a relationship with an abusive, disrespectful, manipulative alcoholic.

Please love yourself enough to take care of yourself and protect yourself.

Do you have any children?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I agree with @alte Dame and @EleGirl. This is clearly an unhealthy relationship... and you've been unhappy for ten years now. Over that 10 years, the relationship has grown increasingly worse, and it will continue to do so. You need to accept that this situation, YOUR situation, will not change unless you take action. You can't change HIM. We can't change other people, we can't control other people. Your husband will do what he does, what he wants to do. And this relationship will never improve, because he won't change for the better. Accept him for who he is...

The only thing you can control is YOU. The only thing you can change is YOU.

Accept him for who he is... and make a choice for yourself that you won't live like this anymore, and LEAVE HIM. (And take the kids, don't leave the kids with him.)

He may try to commit suicide again. That is NOT your problem, nor is it your responsibility. It is HIS problem, HIS choice, HIS responsibility. If he attempts or threatens, call 911. But don't let him use that as a tool to manipulate you into staying.

Have you created an escape plan? You need a plan to leave, to make sure he doesn't suck you back in. You are vulnerable, and he is manipulative, so you need a plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.


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