# When your husband do not like when you look sexy



## Layla83 (Sep 21, 2011)

I just wrote another thread about my husband being controlling but just another question for you men. 

Why would a man not like his wife to dress sexy (not ****ty). When I wear makeup he would have an opinion saying he likes natural. He manipulated me to the point once that I allowed him to shave my hair off. This makes me laugh now but it isnt funny. I hated it the minute it was done. He told me that I spent so much time on my hair (I am mixed race) and if I shaved it that time will be saved. 

I am a girly girl. I like to dress well, wear makeup, do my hair, wear sexy things to bed but I stopped it because he doesn't notice. He is much older than me and I now know that I allowed him to change me and maybe I should just be me no matter how he reacts or is that also wrong?

Is he insecure or is this just another way to control me???


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Does sound controlling yes. This is a much better example than the ones you used in the previous thread. 

I could understand his objections if you went overboard with the sexyness (like street walker overboard). If that ain't happening he is just overdoing it. Plus shaving off your hair is... unbelievable!


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## Layla83 (Sep 21, 2011)

My style is far from over sexy. I am talking almost consertative way of dressing. 

I know right? As I was writing the part about the shaving of the hair I knew it was dumb. I do not know how I ever allowed it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Just plain old insecurity.
Some men fear a woman's beauty & sexuality and see it as something that should be controlled.


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## Layla83 (Sep 21, 2011)

@Caribbean Man. Controlling a woman's expression of her beauty is so unnecassary. She will not be happy if she feels ugly but he will and visa versa.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Layla83 said:


> @Caribbean Man. Controlling a woman's expression of her beauty is so unnecassary. She will not be happy if she feels ugly but he will and visa versa.



:iagree:

But, some men don't see it that way. They get jealous when other men look at their wife. They think that she is either incapable of " handling herself",or that she is weak.

Do you guys belong to some sort of conservative religion etc?
What's his background vs your background? [ Religious / Morals ]


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## Nicole01 (Jul 31, 2012)

Your husband sounds like a jerk. I'm very sorry he treats you in this way.

I like to dress up and sexy for my husband too. He loves it and can't keep his eyes off of me. This is how it should be.

I hope you find the strength someday to either tell him to knock it off or pack up and leave. He is not respecting you. I wish you the best.


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## Layla83 (Sep 21, 2011)

@Caribbean Man. I am christian and he is not in a particular religion now. That could not be it. He is just stuck up and insecure. He hates when anyone look at me. Nothing is ever good enough. If I dress up its a problem, if I dress down he's happy but says nothing so this is killing my confidence. I just feel like I will never be the woman for him and I'm pretty sure it shouldn't feel that way. 

@Nicole01 thanks for your honest response. I miss that kind of feeling. Where you husband can't get over how beautiful you are. Mine tells me maybe once a month that I look pretty but not in a "I want you now" kind of way. Just like someone walking by and saying aww you look nice. Thats not what I want. I am in good shape after two kids and he has no reason to not want to be attracted to me but he is so caught up in his own world that I doubt he ever know I'm there.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Layla,

I can only tell you what I think may be happening.
Usually with men,if things are good in the sex department with their wife ,their confidence level [ in themselves & their wife ] builds.
They also see her in a different [ sexy ] way . That's why some men are so easily fooled by their wayward wives
However,
If things are not so good ,and they know she is not sexually fulfilled then their confidence levels drop,and they can become insecure and mean.
Because they feel insecure,they may sometimes project it to their wife, by unfairly criticizing her looks and actions. 
It then becomes a vicious cycle.

Maybe you should chat with him and try to find out what's really eating him up.
But do not take any unnecessary blame for his actions.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Your husband is simply afraid you'll get hit on by other men if you become sexy and beautiful when you go out.
He doesn't want you to be noticed by other men.


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## Smoke (Jul 17, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Your husband is simply afraid you'll get hit on by other men if you become sexy and beautiful when you go out.
> He doesn't want you to be noticed by other men.


This ^^^^ :smthumbup:

Huge insecurity issue.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Well, in your case ido really think it is insecurity and control issues. however from my experience, my ex W was becoming more and more provocative (fashion, accessories, friends she kept, jobs she did, her hairstyle) , I certainly wasn't controlling, and even found some of the changes sexy, but it put me out of my own comfort zone (and it put emotional distance between us). I can understand how a man could be uncomfortable when his W is exploring her persona this way, but not to the extent your H seems to with you.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

it depends what you are making the effort to dress up for. If you dress up more for things other than him, than you do for him, he might have resentment about it..


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## srtjm (Jul 11, 2012)

Do you remember the song, "When Your In Love With A Beautiful Woman"? He is insecure. Doesn't feel like he deserves you. Build his self esteem.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I don't get it at all unless he has issues within himself. I have always wanted my wife to dress sexy when we go out. I love it! It makes me so proud to have arm candy of that caliber. I can feel my chest bow out like "yeah boys, look what I got." "Shes mine!!!"


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Your husband is simply afraid you'll get hit on by other men if you become sexy and beautiful when you go out.
> He doesn't want you to be noticed by other men.


:iagree:


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## MWD (Jul 16, 2012)

Or we aren't getting the whole story. Just sayin. 

-MWD


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

On one hand, maybe he just likes you with a bald head. I've known women who were far sexier with a crewcut or a bald head. On the other hand, if he badgered you into that, it sounds more than controlling.

I'd love my wife to dress a little sexier, so both she and other people can see her how I see her. But she's not comfortable with the idea for whatever reason, and I respect that. I bring it up every once in a while, but I don't demand it.

If he doesn't want you dressing sexier, it could be a sign of control issues or he could just think you look better naturally. If he's a straightedge or has strong religious or moral objections, he may feel that NOBOBY should be dressing the way you'd like (this is another issue between me and my wife). 

You need to agree on what defines sexy versus ****ty. If you have different definitions, he could feel that your desire to dress a certain way as a sign of disrespect because that you're not listening to his feelings on the subject.


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## williamryder (Jan 18, 2013)

Why does a married woman dress sexy? 

1) She wants attention from her husband.

2) She wants attention from other men.

3) She wants attention from other women.

If she's dressing sexy for her husband then I would say all is fine. If she wants to dress sexy for the office then there is a problem, plain and simple.

Imagine if your husband had an absolutely ripped physique. Let's say those half shirts worn a few decades ago by men were allowed at his workplace (and not hilariously out of fashion) and he wanted to wear them everyday so he could flex his ripped abs. That's what exposing cleavage is really all about--no different. Why do it? Why are you putting up the neon billboards? The same reason your husband would. You want to get ogled by the opposite sex. Why? Psychologically why do you need it? If you were secure you wouldn't need that. You would be happy with the attention from your husband. Why does it take someone else ogling you to feel confident?

The people that are insecure are those that desire to dress sexy for work--unless they are single. In which case, they should put out the "open for business" sign because they are.

I anticipate angry female responses to this (who really wants to examine themselves) and plenty of sycophant males looking to score points.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Layla83 said:


> I just wrote another thread about my husband being controlling but just another question for you men.
> 
> Why would a man not like his wife to dress sexy (not ****ty). When I wear makeup he would have an opinion saying he likes natural. He manipulated me to the point once that I allowed him to shave my hair off. This makes me laugh now but it isnt funny. I hated it the minute it was done. He told me that I spent so much time on my hair (I am mixed race) and if I shaved it that time will be saved.
> 
> ...


I think he is insecure. I also think it's a bit controlling. Just my opinion.


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## williamryder (Jan 18, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> I think he is insecure. I also think it's a bit controlling. Just my opinion.


Shaving your head is nuts. That seems very controlling to me. Dressing sexy to bed seems fine to me as well.

I draw the line at dressing sexy at work or places your husband isn't going with you. Why do it? Seriously. Think about it. Work is a place for...work. It shouldn't be a place for you to get ego boosts from other men ogling you. That is disrespectful to your husband and rather shallow.

Don't buy this feminism bs that says women are BETTER than men and should be allowed to do what they like because they are better. It's a relationship. If you want to be single...be single.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

williamryder said:


> *Shaving your head is nuts.* That seems very controlling to me. Dressing sexy to bed seems fine to me as well.
> 
> I agree with this, above.
> 
> ...


Again, you are right and I was way too lenient in my past. It was what I learned from counseling. It made me too soft for fear of being too hard. That's another story. I am realizing it, though and with comments like this one calling me on my thoughts, I am seeing the things I missed. Thanks for your observation. I give the benefit of the doubt way to much.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Layla83 said:


> I just wrote another thread about my husband being controlling but just another question for you men.
> 
> Why would a man not like his wife to dress sexy (not ****ty).
> Is he insecure or is this just another way to control me???


I think he is very insecure, and that maybe why he seems controlling. In my first relationship long ago the woman liked to dress as you have mentioned. It never bothered me till the end of our relationship when things were falling apart and I felt insecure about how her and our relationship and how she dressed.


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