# Kids don't want to talk to the mother vs. mother just question them when calling



## NotSureAnyMore1 (Dec 8, 2021)

I am a father of three kids that got the children's custody and reallocated with them to start our new life chapter while the wife escaped. Long story short, as the the guardian of the children said in the court this father really loves his kids and I gave him credit for too many things related to parenting but this mother is not perfect one! 

My kids are still angry from what this mother caused to our life (selfish and stupid) by allowing people and organizations to use her to separate the family and destroy it knowing she was never a reasonable person. The kids do not want to talk to her and this became annoying for me as setting the call schedules, seating them, and calling for them plus none of them wants to answer or talk to her. They have their new life (my large family and their cousins and extended cousins) which they like and do not like anything that could remained them of the old days. 

The wife still not working toward cooperating for the seek of the kids. For example, when she talks on the phone, she does not ask about how are they, she questions them a lot trying to extract an answer that she could use in the court and kids are smart and understand that she tries to create more problems. She is busy with other things! 

What shall I do? I do not like to stress my kids. I care so much about their happiness, but some time objectives do conflict and you find yourself forced to work on all objectives. How should I deal with the issue without any legal impact on me?


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

How old are the kids ? Communicate as little as possible with her yourself. I never arranged calls. If she called then I hand the phone to the kids and let them do what they wanted. Most times they would say hi and then hang up. She would call me complaining and I said it's not my problem - and no - I am not going to force them to talk to you. We went years at a time when my kids didn't talk to their Mom at all. And I mean not at all - zero. Courts never did anything.


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## NotSureAnyMore1 (Dec 8, 2021)

2&out said:


> How old are the kids ? Communicate as little as possible with her yourself. I never arranged calls. If she called then I hand the phone to the kids and let them do what they wanted. Most times they would say hi and then hang up. She would call me complaining and I said it's not my problem - and no - I am not going to force them to talk to you. We went years at a time when my kids didn't talk to their Mom at all. And I mean not at all - zero. Courts never did anything.


 10, 9, and 5 years old. Many thanks for sharing your comment and experience. She blocked me for 7 months I mean she will hang up and cancel my calls everyday and then one day she caught my kid talking to me as I was looking after their needs and ordering their weekly grocery online to get delivered to them, and she went and slapped her really hard and warned her if she answered my call next time she will be in trouble. Then I stoped calling and tried to fix this through CPS but nothing. Then the court during the hearings did nothing!!! After the court gave me the custody, I did not block her but kids never asked about her or wanted to talk to her when I call. Some days they scream and close the door.


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## Leeame (Apr 13, 2021)

If your children don't want to speak to her don't force them. 
Help the older kids by letting them know that if they are on the phone with her and she is discussing things that make them uncomfortable they can use their voice to simply say "I am not happy talking about this and I'm going to end the call now." She has to learn that her behavior is affecting her relationship with her children and if she wants access to them she will have to improve her behavior. 
She may try to guilt them or lash out but explain to them that it's not their fault and they do not have to remain in an uncomfortable (possibly toxic) situation that affects their well-being for anyone or anything. 
Your job is to protect them from any and all detrimental situations and it's not limited to certain people or situations. 
Anyone who doesn't care enough about your children to put their agenda aside and do what is best for them doesn't get a seat at their table. Period. 
You are raising future adults who will need to know how to make healthy choices and recognize what a good relationship looks like. 
Don't be afraid to talk with the older kids about it. Make sure they know they can be honest and demand from others the same respect they are expected to give. 

Send a letter to her by registered mail requesting that her contact with the children be about her showing them love and support for what they have going on. Let her know that if you discover she is using the phone time to discuss things or ask questions regarding court, custody or anything else that makes them feel like pawns you will be forced to monitor the calls and if it still continues you will have to cut off contact until you are assured she understands how to be a benefit to them and not a drain. 
That way if it does go to court again you can demonstrate the attempts you made to support healthy communication with their mother and your attempts have been unsuccessful. 

Good luck.


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