# Is it normal?



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

It's 3 AM where I live and I'm awake because I've got some work to do in my PC and what appalls me the most is the messages I get from men (that I personally know) who are in relationships/engaged/married, wanting to talk on FB messenger at his hour of the night(technically day).

Now, apart from a married man who's already gone beyond "normal" to express his interest and how he wants to meet me when he comes to Albania (he lives in Germany) [and I've obviously turned him down and blocked him], other men are implying some interest, which to me, at this hour of the night - is not "normal" or respectful. 

For example, a guy (who got engaged a few weeks ago) just saw me online and messaged me on FB messenger by saying:
"*Hi What's up?"*. I purposely left it _seen_ and didn't respond, to imply that I saw it but choose not to talk to him. 
Him again: "*How you doing? Am I bothering you?"* - me again, _seen _without response. 
Him again: "_*What is keeping this beauty awake so long at night..?*_*" *
This time I don't "see" it and don't respond again. He stopped writing for now.

He's not a stranger to me, as we've met several times through mutual friends and we've hung out in groups and he's always been with his (then GF - now fiancee) so it's not that I can block him right away but what the hell does he want at this time of the night?

Another man (40 y.o) with whom I used to work a few years ago and is now in a new relationship with someone for 2 months, just messaged me by greeting with hands asking how I'm doing. I saw it and gave no response. He then messages again *"you there?" *; 
I then respond *"yeah here but busy. Good night"*. 
Him again: *"oh okay. you are working? this late..? why?? " *I ignore and no response. 

Another married man just messaged "*heyyyy *:smile2:" Again, no response from me. 

I'm like ...WTF??? Why are these married/engaged men messaging to other women on FB msn, at this hour of the night?? Even if it's just for some friendly chatting, why? 

Is it me or I think it's just plain inappropriate and disrespectful towards their SOs. 

I mean, I wouldn't chat with anyone at this hour of the night, even with a male friend - let alone with someone who's in a relationship, [even though I'm single myself]. 
Just as I wouldn't want my SO to chat now with another woman, even out of boredom or some company at this hour, let alone be flirtatious. (or implying it).

I just consider these very inappropriate and it happens very very often to me, from several married men (not just the ones above). Is this a normal thing or I'm overthinking it?? 
Is it a trend? Would you do it? Would you be OK with your SO doing it??

_p.s. this thread is not about online cheating/EA or anything explicit. It's about implied/inapropriate messages ...._


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

They are wannabe players. Social media makes a lot of wannabe players go fishing.

I wouldn't be talking to a woman like that at any time of day unless they are good/close friends and we have something to talk about.

They are just flirting with light hitting on you via social media.

The only thing I'm doing at 3am is snuggling with Mrs C.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Block them.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

They're thirsty, and are hoping you throw them a bone. No pun intended.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

It's so nice to have a "men's clubhouse" where we can come to be told what *******s we are. I guess club is the important part of the name.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

OnTheFly said:


> Block them.


It's not just about blocking. With some of them I have daily contact at work or from time to time.
It's not that their messages bother me to the highest level, but I find this phenomenon very weird and very widespread among married/engaged men.

Btw, the engaged man just messaged again (after stopping for a few min.) *"Why don't you answer?" * (Screenshot in Albanian)


I mean, I get to laugh  cuz he even has the balls to controll and interrogate me. Funny stuff for real! 










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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> It's so nice to have a "men's clubhouse" where we can come to be told what *******s we are..


No, that's not the intention of this thread.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> No, that's not the intention of this thread.


Nor did it appear to be. Just one of those things where you've attracted an audience of a shining example of the worst of us. People dumb enough to think they can be players by using pickup lines from those books in the 70s about how to get beautiful women to go to bed with you. Yuck.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Wow.

Sounds like it's happening so often, it could be "normal."

But it's still dead wrong. Stand your ground and shoot them down with conviction.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> It's so nice to have a "men's clubhouse" where we can come to be told what *******s we are. I guess club is the important part of the name.


You messaging her at 3am???? Shame on you!:wink2:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lovelygirl said:


> It's not just about blocking. With some of them I have daily contact at work or from time to time.
> It's not that their messages bother me to the highest level, but I find this phenomenon very weird and very widespread among married/engaged men.
> 
> Btw, the engaged man just messaged again (after stopping for a few min.) *"Why don't you answer?" * (Screenshot in Albanian)
> ...


Tell him to put his fiance on, that you need to ask her a question.....


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

lovelygirl said:


> I'm like ...WTF??? Why are these married/engaged men messaging to other women on FB msn, at this hour of the night?? Even if it's just for some friendly chatting, why?


You already know the answer to that question.

The internet is an enabler for many things, good bad and ugly. One of the ugly things is that it allows people to sit behind a screen and play a numbers game to see who responds. 

It's like spam - even if only 1% of those that respond give you money, you're still making money because spam is essentially free to spend. Send a hundred of them, and you get one payday, and you're in the money.

The same thing happens with sexting or even physical affairs. Even if only 1% of women respond to it, you only need to send it to 100 women and you're getting some kind of sexual attention.

So don't.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Yeah, like you don't know why they are messaging you. Some people are sleazy news at 11.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I'd guess they are up late at night for whatever reason and bored and along you come and they think "oh...here's a way to entertain myself for a bit" and so they message you. I'd bet some have bad intentions and some are just bored and looking for someone to chat with and don't even see the inappropriateness of their actions...hard to know who's who though.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> They are wannabe players. Social media makes a lot of wannabe players go fishing.
> 
> I wouldn't be talking to a woman like that at any time of day unless they are good/close friends and we have something to talk about.
> 
> ...


Social media takes the "in person social awkwardness" out of the equation.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

notmyjamie said:


> I'd guess they are up late at night for whatever reason and bored and along you come and they think "oh...here's a way to entertain myself for a bit" and so they message you. I'd bet some have bad intentions and some are just bored and looking for someone to chat with and don't even see the inappropriateness of their actions...hard to know who's who though.


yes, and then insist when they don't get a reply? My Albanian is a bit rusty :laugh: but in the screenshot it says "why are you not replying?" Some men don't seem to get the message at all...


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

notmyjamie said:


> I'd guess they are up late at night for whatever reason and bored and along you come and they think "oh...here's a way to entertain myself for a bit" and so they message you. I'd bet some have bad intentions and some are just bored and looking for someone to chat with and don't even see the inappropriateness of their actions...hard to know who's who though.


Yeah....I think that's probably a very *naive* notion.

They're up late on the computer (or their phone) looking to 'entertain' themselves alright, and they're doing it because their wives are probably in bed and can't see what they're up to. You DID catch that the March of the Knuckle-Draggers is only happening LATE at night on the OP's messaging service, didn't you?

I *highly* doubt some married mouth-breather is looking to chat during the wee hours of the morning with an attractive woman he's only met a few times (or knows professionally) and has never chatted with before, about the weather or his favorite sports team. Messaging out of the blue when they've never messaged before and at such a late hour is pretty indicative of what he's looking for...and it ain't idol chat about the Yankees or Hurricane Dorian.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

How many people are on Facebook these days? Pretty sure it doesn't scan for losers and keep them off the site. But I'm not on there so that's one less loser than could he there :grin2:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

lovelygirl said:


> I mean, I wouldn't chat with anyone at this hour of the night, even with a male friend - let alone with someone who's in a relationship, [even though I'm single myself].
> Just as I wouldn't want my SO to chat now with another woman, even out of boredom or some company at this hour, let alone be flirtatious. (or implying it).


So a couple is awake at 2am and looking for something fun to do, all their friends have vanished, and they see @lovelygirl online who happens to be someone that is friends with all their friends.... The woman will look at her man and be like, "OK... NOW I KNOW my friends are out partying without me. Text her and find out what she is doing! NOW you doofus! I want to see if she texts you back and tells you where the party is so I can go find out why my friends be diss'n on me"


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Tell him to put his fiance on, that you need to ask her a question.....


Lol. Well...he kept on asking if I was there...and so on and then I replied at the end cuz it was getting on my nerves:
"I don't think your fiance would like this!" 

He then replied: "OK" ....

and left! 


Stupid man. Childish man. 


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

sokillme said:


> Yeah, like you don't know why they are messaging you. Some people are sleazy news at 11.


I can "understand" or maybe even... "expect" from some random unknown to write me at that hour....
Obviously he's trying to get something more out of that chat.

But an ex-colleague??? 
A familiar/engaged person whom I've met???

How shameful is that?? 

It's that type of shame that you get rosy for doing something that you don't want to confront or either pass by that person again... because you feel you screw it up pretty badly! 

But apparently, these people have no concious.

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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

lovelygirl said:


> It's 3 AM where I live and I'm awake because I've got some work to do in my PC and what appalls me the most is the messages I get from men (that I personally know) who are in relationships/engaged/married, wanting to talk on FB messenger at his hour of the night(technically day).
> 
> Now, apart from a married man who's already gone beyond "normal" to express his interest and how he wants to meet me when he comes to Albania (he lives in Germany) [and I've obviously turned him down and blocked him], other men are implying some interest, which to me, at this hour of the night - is not "normal" or respectful.
> 
> ...



Men can be inappropriate at any time day and night. 
Today a woman I work with got sent a picture of man part as we were sitting in the work canteen having lunch. She almost fell out of her chair in shock. She seriously considered reporting the sender to police. Do not know if she did in the end. She only met him once when he helped her friend to to bring furniture to her new flat. Her friend had extra furniture she wanted to get rid of. 

Its totally inappropriate.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

lovelygirl said:


> I can "understand" or maybe even... "expect" from some random unknown to write me at that hour....
> Obviously he's trying to get something more out of that chat.
> 
> But an ex-colleague???
> ...


Um you read these board right? You see the one from the guy whose girlfriend was hanging out with another girlfriend who had and open marriage and decided she would do the same then decided to try out two guys and never thought to tell him? Does she have any shame or conscience?

Just be happy you aren't married to some POS like that.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> Men can be inappropriate at any time day and night.
> Today a woman I work with got sent a picture of man part as we were sitting in the work canteen having lunch. She almost fell out of her chair in shock. She seriously considered reporting the sender to police. Do not know if she did in the end. She only met him once when he helped her friend to to bring furniture to her new flat. Her friend had extra furniture she wanted to get rid of.
> 
> Its totally inappropriate.


WTF??? 
Such a maniac??

But do you know what embarrasses me the most? People that I've known for some time or a long time. 
Not new encounters or 1-encounters. I mean... they are still strangers and I don't expect much from them. Nor conscience, nor respect, no nothing. 

Even in the case of this friend of yours, yeah it's stupid ...but he's still a stranger. Some random. It wouldn't bother me that much. I'd happily block him.

But if he was a friend of mine or a long-time acquaintance, then I'd be shocked. Because the bomb comes from those you expect the least to throw it to you...


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> You messaging her at 3am???? Shame on you!:wink2:


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Yeah! Such a bastard!


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

MaiChi said:


> Men can be inappropriate at any time day and night.
> Today a woman I work with got sent a picture of man part as we were sitting in the work canteen having lunch. She almost fell out of her chair in shock. She seriously considered reporting the sender to police. Do not know if she did in the end. She only met him once when he helped her friend to to bring furniture to her new flat. Her friend had extra furniture she wanted to get rid of.
> 
> Its totally inappropriate.


Lol, **** pictures can be a lot of fun actually. Years ago, I was on another forum and a new man posted in the "recent pic of you" thread. So being the nice people that we are, some of us complimented him. 
For some wild reason, he decided to start private messaging some of us pics of his ****. It always makes me chuckle after so many years online. If you're showing me pics of it, it best be impressive.
Someone went into a thread, without naming names, and mentioned receiving such pics. I truly enjoyed posting behind her how "some of us" were forwarding it to each other and laughing about it.
Truth be, none of us did that but I'm a devil and had to make sure he thought twice before doing such a thing in a new place again with people he didn't know.

It's always best to ask before showing pics of body parts- male or female, IMO.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

VibrantWings said:


> Lol, **** pictures can be a lot of fun actually. Years ago, I was on another forum and a new man posted in the "recent pic of you" thread. So being the nice people that we are, some of us complimented him.
> For some wild reason, he decided to start private messaging some of us pics of his ****. It always makes me chuckle after so many years online. If you're showing me pics of it, it best be impressive.
> Someone went into a thread, without naming names, and mentioned receiving such pics. I truly enjoyed posting behind her how "some of us" were forwarding it to each other and laughing about it.
> Truth be, none of us did that but I'm a devil and had to make sure he thought twice before doing such a thing in a new place again with people he didn't know.
> ...


Meh, these type of men are just trashy. I think they are way too desperate for some female attention.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> How many people are on Facebook these days? Pretty sure it doesn't scan for losers and keep them off the site. But I'm not on there so that's one less loser than could he there :grin2:


Well..it's not about FB, it's about the act of messaging to another woman in that hour of the night/day when you're already in another relationship or have a SO. Same things have happened on to me on direct messages on Instagram. 

We all know what you're messaging me for at that time of the night...

Just like 2 nights ago, a guy {whom I had already added on IG (3 weeks ago) and who has a public account with dancing moves/gym instructions} thought was very interesting - resulted in having a SO. 

I had looked at his account but he has looooots of pictures and videos that I hadn't noticed he already has a GF, becasue there are so few of here there. But the way some pictures were taken with this girl, made me think whether she's a GF or a friend or a sister. Nothing provocative in those pictures, it's just that she's the only woman in his account - even though he rarely posted pictures with her. So, I hadn't noticed her, until 2 nights ago. 

At the beginning of our convos (3 weeks ago) we started chatting back&forth every other day talking about hobbies, gym, music, liking each other 's pictures and he would send me all the videos for a preview before posting them on his IG stories. I would give my thoughts and all that.

Then...2 nights ago he sent me a message at 2AM saying "_*I wish you could illuminate me with your presence now..."*_

It was too flirtatious for the type of messages we had been exchanging up until that moment ..and it felt kind of ...weird? 

I then had a thorough look at all his IG photos ...to realize that he might actually have a GF. 

So I ask : _*"Is she your GF or your sister?"*_
He: _*"Something in-between"*_
Me: _*"Then you don't need my presence to begin with."*_ - and block him.


And I was left wondering, does she know all these women he adds and contacts? Poor her.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

lovelygirl said:


> Well..it's not about FB, it's about the act of messaging to another woman in that hour of the night/day when you're already in another relationship or have a SO. Same things have happened on to me on direct messages on Instagram.
> 
> We all know what you're messaging me for at that time of the night...
> 
> ...


Or that is a casual girlfriend and he's not exclusive. But my point was more about a numbers game. How many happily married and faithful men aren't messaging you? How many people use social media? A shart ton. So it feels like it's a lot of bad apples. Numbers wise, that's true. Percentage wise, perhaps not. Perspective might keep jaded thoughts at bay. That was my point.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Or that is a casual girlfriend and he's not exclusive.


If you're not exclusive, then why post pictures of her?
If I were her, I would request for pictures to be taken down. Otherwise, I automatically guess we are exclusive.
Are you publicly showing me infront ot the whole world??? Then, what's the point of exclusivity if you keep on flirting with other women???
Either keep me private and do multi-dating or stay loyal to your actions/choices.




> But my point was more about a numbers game. How many happily married and faithful men aren't messaging you?


I'm not saying everyone who's married behaves the same way or that most of them do.

I'm saying that the number (of committed partners who send other women innapropriate messagss) - is growing and is becoming a trend!! 

And this doesn't happen only to me, but also to many of my girlfriends. Heard lots and lots of similar stories.

And I'm like WTF??


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Is it normal for married women and women in relationships to wear low cut tops, push their tits together, hold the camera up hight facing down on their tits and snap a photo with some random caption about anything other than the fact that shes just thirsty? Is that normal? Some guys probably think so. Just sayin


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Is it normal for married women and women in relationships to wear low cut tops, push their tits together, hold the camera up hight facing down on their tits and snap a photo with some random caption about anything other than the fact that shes just thirsty? Is that normal? Some guys probably think so. Just sayin


Stupid comparison. 

We're not talking about morals here. We're talking about inappropriate behavior, that goes against the usual "it is morally right for married women to wear short skirts and tight tops" ?? 

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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

lovelygirl said:


> Stupid comparison.
> 
> We're not talking about morals here. We're talking about inappropriate behavior, that goes against the usual "it is morally right for married women to wear short skirts and tight tops" ??
> 
> Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk


Purposefully looking for attention from the opposite sex is what we are talking about. I'm not talking about a lady who wears whatever clothing. I'm talking about women seeking attention from other men. You are purposefully acting obtuse right now. Disingenuous


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Purposefully looking for attention from the opposite sex is what we are talking about.


"_looking for attention from the opposite sex_" is very broad.

It's one thing to post it on Instagram as a random post.

It's totally another to send that picture to a specific man (other than SO).



> I'm not talking about a lady who wears whatever clothing. I'm talking about women seeking attention from other men.


Would she draw attention the same way as if she revealed cleavage compared to not revealing one?

It's not the attention-seeking attitude that's really important here, it's HOW she would seek that attention.

We all want some sort of attention, but how we go about it, is what I'd consider appropriate or not.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

lovelygirl said:


> "_looking for attention from the opposite sex_" is very broad.
> 
> It's one thing to post it on Instagram as a random post.
> 
> ...


Intent can't be assumed of an individual but can be reasonably assumed of a group. 99 out of 100 women post a pic that shows off whatever probably have no bad intentions. But I cant go 100 out of 100. So we are still talking about the same thing. 99 out of 100 women might post for general attention, but there will be that one out of the hundred that are posting that type of pic with a specific man in mind that they are posting it for. All the other men could like and thumbs up that photo but she wants to see that one guy like and thumb up that photo. This isn't assuming intent of an individual, this is a reasonable assumption based on human nature. 

This thread starts from the concept that what you are experiencing is normal behavior, or you wouldn't have asked the question. Is it normal? Well, yes and no. It is reasonable to assume 1 out of 100 men do this. So I guess that's normal isn't it? Is it common? No. Otherwise every girls DMs would be blowing up constantly. 

I urge you not to go down this negative path. There are incels who have a clam between their legs. I'm not going to sit here and pretend they don't exist just because of said clam. One thing all incels have in common is they are lonely and bitter, regardless of what they are packing in their drawers.


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## WorldsApart (May 5, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> Stupid comparison.
> 
> We're not talking about morals here. We're talking about inappropriate behavior, that goes against the usual "it is morally right for married women to wear short skirts and tight tops" ??
> 
> Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk


But isn't morality exactly we're talking about here? You feel like a random committed guy is trying to get into your panties. I'd call that a moral issue.

As an aside, have you tried contacting their SO and ask them if it's ok to talk at 3am? >


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lovelygirl said:


> It's 3 AM where I live and I'm awake because I've got some work to do in my PC and what appalls me the most is the messages I get from men (that I personally know) who are in relationships/engaged/married, wanting to talk on FB messenger at his hour of the night(technically day).
> 
> Now, apart from a married man who's already gone beyond "normal" to express his interest and how he wants to meet me when he comes to Albania (he lives in Germany) [and I've obviously turned him down and blocked him], other men are implying some interest, which to me, at this hour of the night - is not "normal" or respectful.
> 
> ...


Delete messenger. Use Whatsapp to communicate. :grin2:


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Delete messenger. Use Whatsapp to communicate. :grin2:


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Most probably so!


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Sadly, it's normal but what really gets me is how some guys just can't take a hint. But since you can't block them outright, just continue to ignore their messages and should they have any brain cells whatsoever, perhaps they'll get a clue and finally leave you alone. Or you could always mute/ignore their attempt at conversation. And if I weren't single, I wouldn't message any woman whether I knew her of not. I'd be happy with the woman I had.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I don’t know if it is “normal.”

Messaging a single woman in your area at 3AM is obviously bad behavior for a man in an exclusive relationship.

Some people think anything but touching is okay. Others think it’s okay to look at the menu, even if you are on a diet. Some think you should avoid even the appearance of impropriety. Messaging like that is going far beyond just looking at the menu and is disrespectful to their SOs.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cant you just block their messages?? Surely there is a way of stopping them??

I honestly don't think that its that widespread. I know quite a few young women, some in my family, and none have mentioned this as being an issue. Mind you I am not sure if any of them would be on line at that time. 

If any man sent me a message that made me feel uncomfortable, I would block them no questions asked, and who cares if they are a friend of a friend or a work colleague? .


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