# ?



## Frustrated61 (Aug 19, 2021)

Ok sorry but this is quite long. Here we go.
About 6 years ago my wife and I decided to try I guess you'd call it swinging? Well we mad a profile on SLS we made a nice profile and our thing was we'd love to meet other like minded couples, but we agreed it would only consist of same room same bed sex with our partners, except the ladies were able to do what ever they wanted while we watched. My wife was bi curious so she wanted to dip her toes and see if she liked it, we have played strip poker with friends as couples and she would make out and play with and such on each other's tits. So that's what lead us to trying this. 

So yes she really enjoyed kissing and playing with and sucking othe ladies tits, but didn't want to go down on the other ladies, witch is just fine by me, but the other lady at this point would have my wife lying on her back on the bed hand would climb on top of her and kiss and crab and such each other. But the other lady would then stand in front of my wife on the floor and bring out her vibrator and work her clit with it and go down an lick my wife's clit. It drove my wife crazy , she had the orgasm. We'd did this kinda stuff with about 4 couples. And one day she said she wanted to stop because in her word's the guy's were never as good looking as the ladies, witch I don't think would matter because she wasn't doing anything with them anyway. 

I think it might be that she is interested in trying to hook up with the other men, but she's not attracted to them.i really don't know the reason we've talked about it and that's the reason I'm told,I told her go ahead get with a guy when we're with a couple as long as we're all agreed, I don't have any issues with that and actually I told her I'd enjoy watching her as long as she's wants to do it.and as long as we're always together, never separate rooms.the she says she'd never **** another guy, I said ok no problem. Thing is is there something I'm missing here, I've offered up everything I could think of so she / we could enjoy our selves together. 

Our sex life was fantastic after having those encounters, sex with each other every day , since we haven't hooked up with another couple in about 5 year's, she has not been interested in sex at ALL I mean NOTHING, so I'm left to take care of myself because I wouldn't cheat on her, and I've asked her if she'd like to try the same bed sex again with other couples, and she says no. 

So I ask her what would happen if we meet a couple while we were out and we all were into each other , would you be interested in that, she says yes, but you'll never find a couple in a vanilla atmosphere, so I don't know what to think. O we're married 40 years, got married at me 19 her 18, we still look really good for our age and very active, would love for good advice, and NO we will not get a divorce, we get along great other than the sex part. I'm a very sexual person.i just don't think it's fair to me not to have sex, especially after we found what recharges our sex life. I'd think she would want to continue. 

ADVICE PLEASE


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Break it up into paragraphs and you might get someone to read it.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

You posted this already?


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

........


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EveningThoughts said:


> Maybe your wife got fed up of putting on a show for the guys, especially guys she wasn't attracted to.
> 
> Your rule of couples, and same room might be a problem for your wife.
> How would she be if it was just another woman, no guys?


In the other thread, he said they stopped specifically because the wife didn't find the men in the swinging circle very attractive.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

At her age, her lack of interest in sex may be hormonal, leading to a loss of libido. Before you can hope for more sex or a return to swinging, you need to find and fix the underlying issue. Encourage her to see a hormone specialist (and get a good general physical and blood work) as a first step. A hormone specialist has greatly helped to maintain our sex life. As for swinging, we were into that for ten years or so pre-pandemic, and have talked about trying it again if we think we can do so safely under prevailing pandemic conditions.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Couples swinging....what could possible go wrong? Look forward to reading your future posts in the Separated/Divorced forum.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This really doesn’t change anything from your other thread.

Our lives have seasons. The season of her interest in sex with you has passed.

I am sorry.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I found out decades later that an old bf of mine who had mentioned getting married had been swinging with his wife. I had always felt a little guilty that I dumped him because we had been good friends, but after reading that, I thanked my lucky stars and gut for getting me out of that relationship before he could try to get that started. By then, they would have been in their 40s. I can't imagine going into some place of random middle-aged people and just having it on with anyone there. I can't imagine there was anyone there who was even attractive in the least. These two weren't attractive by then. She really never was, always looked 20 years older than her age. I just can't imagine what anyone gets out of that. 

I mean, these are people who will truly eff anything. 

Your wife is into women, if at all at her age. Hormones isn't a miracle cure, but you could suggest she talk to her gyn about hormone therapy just to make her feel better in general. You're certainly not going to be the first guy who has had to rely on masturbating in his old age. Or maybe you should ask her if you can go to the swinging things alone. I doubt you'll be welcome without bringing a woman, but you never know.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

sounds like she prefers women. So you two opened the Pandora's Box and now can't close it. Gotta face the reality. She is not into you any more. Cold. Hard to hear. I get that. Maybe call the attorney?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Adultery is never good for a marriage. Stay away from it. You have already greatly damaged your marriage by doing it.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Adultery is never good for a marriage. Stay away from it.


the Big A is never a good idea.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

if it was your wife that was posting on why she does not feel like having sex we might have a chance in knowing what or why , 
i think some how that her reason is from before the swinging , 
you say you love each other , do you tell each other every day 
do you kiss many times a day 
do you tell each other how important each other are to the other person 
it takes two to make it work , 
for people that have got into swinging you must be able talk openly , 

just on a side note if I can ask you 
how important is it to you to watch her with another woman 
would you be open to let her do what ever two women do together without you say go out meet up 
and take it as Far or as not as they want 
not putting on some type of show for the two men 

I have no experience in this so I am just thinking out off the top of my head 

or what if you looked up a single man just for her to play ,
I dont know what you are willing to except 
she might want to try some different type sex with another man than what she does with you , 
as I say I am no expert and just asking more as an example of what you could ask her ,


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> the Big A is never a good idea.


yes Adultery is a big word , 
it comes from religion more so than state , and as many religions does not agree with divorce it looks on any sex 
outside of marriage as Adultery as well as second marriages , 

we as humans find many ways to go Ala crate with our religion ,
a bit like alter boy on Sunday and a stag on Monday,
we are all good at saying you must not do x or y because it is bad for you but how do we know what is good for another person 

I lived the holy life no sex before marriage got married and it was for ever even if it was not good 
I grow up with the idea that for better or worse ment well if it did not work out I would have to put up with it , 

lucky in the early days together that I had not experience as I like the OP¨is now I had a time that sex was not a good thing in our early marriage like the OP we wanted to be together but I wanted to hove a normal sex life and my wile as working through a rape which had a huge impact on her , we got past it over time , looking back now it is like it was only a short time , but I have on idea just at what point things changed as things only changed slowly over time 

now I all so think , that in a way it is a huge risk to take to get married to a person without having sex before 
but another side of me thinks may be now people have or place to little importance on sex , or it could be just my old fashioned ideas looking on young people as been a lot more free than they are , 

but I think as long as long as they don't hurt each other and are connecting


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I found out decades later that an old bf of mine who had mentioned getting married had been swinging with his wife. I had always felt a little guilty that I dumped him because we had been good friends, but after reading that, I thanked my lucky stars and gut for getting me out of that relationship before he could try to get that started. By then, they would have been in their 40s. I can't imagine going into some place of random middle-aged people and just having it on with anyone there. I can't imagine there was anyone there who was even attractive in the least. These two weren't attractive by then. She really never was, always looked 20 years older than her age. I just can't imagine what anyone gets out of that.
> 
> I mean, these are people who will truly eff anything.
> 
> Your wife is into women, if at all at her age. Hormones isn't a miracle cure, but you could suggest she talk to her gyn about hormone therapy just to make her feel better in general. You're certainly not going to be the first guy who has had to rely on masturbating in his old age. Or maybe you should ask her if you can go to the swinging things alone. I doubt you'll be welcome without bringing a woman, but you never know.


You make it sound way more complicated than it is.

In the swinger community if you find someone attractive and sexy and they feel the same about you, then things can happen.

If you don’t find someone attractive and don’t want to have sex with anyone, then you don’t.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So you just sit there while your spouse does it?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

If you want to turn up the heat in the bedroom, work on yourself. Getting into great physical shape and matching that with having your hair, beard, clothes and HYGIENE all on point will get you better results than to trying to offer up your wife to some other guy. I think most women want to be treasured. Kind of hard for her to feel like she’s truly treasured if your willing to let someone have her in a trade for having some other dudes wife. 

For me, no matter how smoking hot some other dudes wife looks, there’s no way I’d loan my wife out for a taste of another woman


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Frustrated61 said:


> just don't think it's fair to me especially after we found what recharges our sex life. I'd think she would want to continue. ADVICE PLEASE


@Frustrated61 I understand your frustration all too well as my wife and I were very heavily involved in the lifestyle for about 10 years.

It was great and we were both all-in. We had a stellar sex life, both within the lifestyle as well as at home on our own. 

Then like you, about 5 years ago, she simply started to lose interest, lost her libido and her interest in sex in general fell off the map. 

We do not have a completely sexless marriage. But it is nothing like it was before. That part of her has gone. Not only do I miss it, but she misses it as well. 

Menopause, some health issues, a variety of medications etc etc has reduced her libido by a good 85%.

I’m sure I’m no longer the sexy devil I was back in the day either and we have had some relationship problems after 25 years of marriage and two teenagers in the house it’s not all on her. 

Where I think you’re missing the mark here in I’m thinking that if you could get her back into swinging that it would recharge her sex drive like it did years ago. 

I don’t think it works that way. I think once the final premenopausal hormone surge is over and the hormones drop off into the abyss, the swinging days are over for good. 

To be a swinger, you kind of have to be into sex. When you’re not into sex, it probably sounds like a disgusting idea. 

And it doesn’t have anything to do with how good looking the guys are. You could hook her up with Jason Mamoa himself and it likely would not carry over into any more interest in sex with you. 

Swinging is a season. It comes into a special time in people’s lives when they’ve been together for years and years and have developed trust and open communication, the kids are grown or at least can take care of themselves for the night, and Mother Nature is playing with the hormones that tell women to get out and screw as much as they can before the well runs dry. 

It’s a special time and it’s great, but there’s an expiration date and the chilly winds of sexual autumn start to blow in. 

And in a way it’s not fair to men because our interest and desire never wanes. We just get too old and lazy to lift a finger to pursue it or we get too fat and wrinkled for anyone to have us. 

As I said in your other thread, you can look into HRT for her. That may rekindle a little flicker of the flame for awhile. But it would be temporary and HRT comes with its own set of side effects and complications as well as expense. And some doctors are hesitant to prescribe just so people can feel horny again. Doctors don’t think the husband’s sex life warrants the potential side effects to the wife. 

You can also look into sugar babies, escorts or see if you can find a younger, intact woman who is also in a sexless marriage and help each other out. 

But trying to get her back into the lifestyle when she has lost the desire, will only blow up in your face. She’ll assume you’re just wanting to get with other chicks.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Since you we’re open with her and other men would she allow you to find a FWB so that you could resolve your sexual needs?


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

Frustrated61 said:


> Ok sorry but this is quite long. Here we go.
> About 6 years ago my wife and I decided to try I guess you'd call it swinging? Well we mad a profile on SLS we made a nice profile and our thing was we'd love to meet other like minded couples, but we agreed it would only consist of same room same bed sex with our partners, except the ladies were able to do what ever they wanted while we watched. My wife was bi curious so she wanted to dip her toes and see if she liked it, we have played strip poker with friends as couples and she would make out and play with and such on each other's tits. So that's what lead us to trying this. So yes she really enjoyed kissing and playing with and sucking othe ladies tits, but didn't want to go down on the other ladies, witch is just fine by me, but the other lady at this point would have my wife lying on her back on the bed hand would climb on top of her and kiss and crab and such each other. But the other lady would then stand in front of my wife on the floor and bring out her vibrator and work her clit with it and go down an lick my wife's clit. It drove my wife crazy , she had the orgasm. We'd did this kinda stuff with about 4 couples. And one day she said she wanted to stop because in her word's the guy's were never as good looking as the ladies, witch I don't think would matter because she wasn't doing anything with them anyway. I think it might be that she is interested in trying to hook up with the other men, but she's not attracted to them.i really don't know the reason we've talked about it and that's the reason I'm told,I told her go ahead get with a guy when we're with a couple as long as we're all agreed, I don't have any issues with that and actually I told her I'd enjoy watching her as long as she's wants to do it.and as long as we're always together, never separate rooms.the she says she'd never **** another guy, I said ok no problem. Thing is is there something I'm missing here, I've offered up everything I could think of so she / we could enjoy our selves together. Our sex life was fantastic after having those encounters, sex with each other every day , since we haven't hooked up with another couple in about 5 year's, she has not been interested in sex at ALL I mean NOTHING, so I'm left to take care of myself because I wouldn't cheat on her, and I've asked her if she'd like to try the same bed sex again with other couples, and she says no. So I ask her what would happen if we meet a couple while we were out and we all were into each other , would you be interested in that, she says yes, but you'll never find a couple in a vanilla atmosphere, so I don't know what to think. O we're married 40 years, got married at me 19 her 18, we still look really good for our age and very active, would love for good advice, and NO we will not get a divorce, we get along great other than the sex part. I'm a very sexual person.i just don't think it's fair to me not to have sex, especially after we found what recharges our sex life. I'd think she would want to continue. ADVICE PLEASE


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

I think it is adultery and you are on shaky ground personally.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

So, basically, your wife got bored with the boring not-sex she was having with women while unattractive men watched and doesn't want to go back to that. I totally understand. Hell, I have a high libido and your description made even me find the thought of sex unappealing.


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## Frustrated61 (Aug 19, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Since you we’re open with her and other men would she allow you to find a FWB so that you could resolve your sexual needs?


I haven't asked, but 8 seriously doubt it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> So, basically, your wife got bored with the boring not-sex she was having with women while unattractive men watched and doesn't want to go back to that. I totally understand. *Hell, I have a high libido and your description made even me find the thought of sex unappealing.*


Absolutely cringe worthy. Nothing like making your wife be the table center piece for others' enjoyment.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think some men forget that for women there is a very strong connection between whether they like who you are and how they're treating you and whether they find you desirable. I mean, once you are disgusted with someone, it's hard to turn that around.


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

I believe I heard about 'swinging' before, but I aways thought it was just a anecdotal .
actually I think I can do that as long as he is young + hot and we are doing in private without others watching


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

if i read this all correctly
1) you WERE having good sex
2) you started swinging, and your wife really got off on other women masturbating her and giving her cunnilingus
3) your wife was not interested in the other men while swinging, said they were not attractive
4) you stopped swinging, and she stopped having sex with you for five years.

pretty clear she suddenly realized she was a lesbian, and only enjoyed sex with other women.
i seriously question that she has not been stepping out to boff other women that entire five year period of time.


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