# My husbands ex sends him love letters



## Tula0630 (Jun 27, 2012)

I am so frusterated and confused. My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2yrs and his ex sends him cards and love letters still!

I ment him a month after they broke up. She has been a part of our relationship since Ive known him. Let me start with saying, while we were dating he was seeing both us. I found this out because she looked me up on facebook and told me he was sleeping with her and me. I moved in with him 4mos after we started dating. He told me she was lying and is crazy and I believed him. She then sent me a long letter with dates and when they were together, even said she had texts in her phone to prove all the times they had been together. Even when as far to say that he told her he had no passion with me and was leaving me, well I am the one he married. My husband told me it was all lies and she needs to get help. She took him to small claims court because they had a credit card together and she wanted her stuff back that he still had in our house, he is police officer and was so humilated by this. I even called her on the night we got engaged to tell her we got engaged so that she back off, she didnt answer the phone. At this point, I am not sure what to believe, she had said he kept going back to her over and over again. All the stuff that they she said about the future he was planning with her is what he has done with me. We went to Vegas and got married and that is where he told her her wanted to go, according to her. I am not sure what is going on anymore. Why would she send still him love letters, cards on his birthday and other holidays. He says she has no self respect. I never believed that he cheated on me the entire time we dated. What do you all think? Was she telling me the truth, if so, do you think he will cheat now? He is 50yrs old and I am 55yrs old. I waited a long time to remarry and I want to be able to trust my husband. My friends think I should never ever of married him. HELP!!


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

It must be tough not knowing what is going on. But, do you have anything else to suggest he is cheating? Is your sex life good? Does he disappear for hours on end? The suit makes me think nothing is going on here. Has he offered transparency to assuage your concerns?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Well..... to be honest.... how would WE know? 

You want to be able to trust him, but its a third party who is making you not trust him? 

IF you don't trust him, then spy on him. Pay attention.... to his phone, his computer, his free time, etc... Maybe if you find nothing you will trust him? It's kind of hard to prove someone ISN'T doing something tho. 

Put return to sender on anything that comes from her.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Sounds like she has never gotten over him. She was hurt when he picked you to marry instead of her. She seems to want to keep herself in the back of his mind... Ie- let him know she is available if you two ever split up. (Or if he wants to cheat).

The fact that you know about these letters & cards.... to me.. kind of shows that he is NOT involved with her. 

I mean... If he was secretly seeing her behind your back... The letters would be email letters/ texts - only to him, where you couldn't see them. Or maybe sent to his workplace, not his home. He's an officer.. He knows how to cover his tracks if he wanted.

I think her sending them & telling you all the stuff that "they" were going to do together.. .just screams out insecurity & a small obsession with your hubby. I mean, if he's a really great guy & she missed out on a good catch... well, sounds like she's trying to bait him to come back. Or/Plus..... she's trying to cause a rift between you two, so that maybe then he would go back to her.

Sit down & talk openly to hubs about it. Tell him it kind of concerns you that she hasn't let up. Also, I'd nonchalantly ask something like, "If something would happen to me (accident/ we split up).. would you consider getting back together with her?"

Well... maybe then again don't ask that!! If you don't "know" the answer, then maybe you might be surprised from his answer. My thought about asking that was .... If he replies something like, "Hell no!, She's crazy!". Well, then... you've got the answer.. she's just trying to stir trouble & hopes he would go back if you two don't stay together.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Does your husband open and read the vards and letters? Does he let you see them?

I would think this borders on harrasement and that if he wanted to, he may be able to get a restraint order?

I believe he can also contact the USPS and complain he's being harrassed vis US Mail

Can't really put a finger on the rest of it though. You may want to investigate quietly to calm your fears


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You and your husband need to stop this. And its really not that hard. Just send everything back unopened. It may take a while but eventually she will quit. Block her from everything and change phone numbers.

The only way to deal with stalker type people is to go no contact. They want to upset you so any attention you give them just feeds them.

Now as far as whether your husband will cheat WE have no idea. Only you can answer that. You should be able to address your fears to him and if he isn't willing to do whatever it takes to cut this OW out of his life then I'd say it's a red flag. Either he likes the attention or he's conflict avoidant. Neither is good.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yikes! I would make sure that he stopped contact with her.

This woman needs to back off. She is acting like a teenage(13 year old) girl that is fighting over a boyfriend. Oy!

My ex h did stalk me, but gave up after a year. I clearly made it known that I was done with him. Even though he had another woman move in 3 days after I left.


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## lisa1975 (Jun 8, 2012)

I would be suspicious if I were you. There are 2 sides to every story and something smells bad here. He could be lying to you, I would definitely spy on him in some way to rule out a pathological lier. I'm sorry.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

lisa1975 said:


> I would be suspicious if I were you. There are 2 sides to every story and something smells bad here. He could be lying to you, I would definitely spy on him in some way to rule out a pathological lier. I'm sorry.












Very suspicious. 

There are some things that are just inappropriate when married....he needs to tell his ex that love letters are inappropriate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

She persists because he allows her to or encourages her to, either explicitly (and without your knowledge) or implicitly (by not shutting her down and telling her point blank to back off). I'm guessing that he likes the attention. 

My stbxh carried on with ex this way secretly and I found out about it (full on affair); he'd gone to a lot of trouble to cover his tracks. He also carried on with someone else in this way, not shutting her down, throughout our marriage; this person threw herself at him day and night (all this was public and I knew about it and objected, but he secretly encouraged it explicitly, which I also found out) and he liked the ego boost. It was enough to make me leave him.

Honestly, the way you will discover whether or not he is trustworthy is to demand that he cut her off completely. And, of course, spy on him to see if there's more to the story than you're getting and to see if he goes underground after you talk to him about it (if he lies to you about it, he is untrustworthy). If he isn't willing to drop her, either he is keeping her around as a back-up plan or as an on-the-side plan, is my guess. If he doesn't agree to cut her off, then he doesn't respect you enough to treat you right and you should leave him over it. 

Why do your friends think you shouldn't have married him? In my opinion, his behavior sounds really shady.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

I didn't read all the responses but honestly I would be a little weary if she is still sending cards and he has a history of seeing both of ya'll at once. I would be a little suspicious.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Tula0630 said:


> I am so frusterated and confused. My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2yrs and his ex sends him cards and love letters still!
> 
> I ment him a month after they broke up. She has been a part of our relationship since Ive known him. Let me start with saying, while we were dating he was seeing both us. I found this out because she looked me up on facebook and told me he was sleeping with her and me. I moved in with him 4mos after we started dating. He told me she was lying and is crazy and I believed him. She then sent me a long letter with dates and when they were together, even said she had texts in her phone to prove all the times they had been together. Even when as far to say that he told her he had no passion with me and was leaving me, well I am the one he married. My husband told me it was all lies and she needs to get help. She took him to small claims court because they had a credit card together and she wanted her stuff back that he still had in our house, he is police officer and was so humilated by this. I even called her on the night we got engaged to tell her we got engaged so that she back off, she didnt answer the phone. At this point, I am not sure what to believe, she had said he kept going back to her over and over again. All the stuff that they she said about the future he was planning with her is what he has done with me. We went to Vegas and got married and that is where he told her her wanted to go, according to her. I am not sure what is going on anymore. Why would she send still him love letters, cards on his birthday and other holidays. He says she has no self respect. I never believed that he cheated on me the entire time we dated. What do you all think? Was she telling me the truth, if so, do you think he will cheat now? He is 50yrs old and I am 55yrs old. I waited a long time to remarry and I want to be able to trust my husband. My friends think I should never ever of married him. HELP!!





she seems to be very possessive and obssessive over this man.
she may bbe lying to you to make you think that so you will push him away. to me it seems like a game with her, lets see if i cant get him back. its very very strange. shes definately mental ill tell you that now. but the best thing you could do is not give into her. and hopefully your husband isnt doing those things she says...do you know if he still has any ties to her? and how is it that she sends him these things? shes knows wehre you are living? something is up if thats the case....id start snooping.


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## TMCK (Jul 15, 2012)

Not cool! I don't keep in contact with my exes and I don't expect him to either. Simple, he is with me for a reason. Same as why I'm with him. Respect that and there's no issue. He gets that and so do I!


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## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

Your husband needs to send a no contact letter. She shouldn't have this much influence on your marriage.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Tula0630 said:


> I am so frusterated and confused. My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2yrs and his ex sends him cards and love letters still!
> 
> I ment him a month after they broke up. She has been a part of our relationship since Ive known him. Let me start with saying, while we were dating he was seeing both us. I found this out because she looked me up on facebook and told me he was sleeping with her and me. I moved in with him 4mos after we started dating. He told me she was lying and is crazy and I believed him. She then sent me a long letter with dates and when they were together, even said she had texts in her phone to prove all the times they had been together. Even when as far to say that he told her he had no passion with me and was leaving me, well I am the one he married. My husband told me it was all lies and she needs to get help. She took him to small claims court because they had a credit card together and she wanted her stuff back that he still had in our house, he is police officer and was so humilated by this. I even called her on the night we got engaged to tell her we got engaged so that she back off, she didnt answer the phone. At this point, I am not sure what to believe, she had said he kept going back to her over and over again. All the stuff that they she said about the future he was planning with her is what he has done with me. We went to Vegas and got married and that is where he told her her wanted to go, according to her. I am not sure what is going on anymore. Why would she send still him love letters, cards on his birthday and other holidays. He says she has no self respect. I never believed that he cheated on me the entire time we dated. What do you all think? Was she telling me the truth, if so, do you think he will cheat now? He is 50yrs old and I am 55yrs old. I waited a long time to remarry and I want to be able to trust my husband. My friends think I should never ever of married him. HELP!!


I have no idea if he is telling the truth but I do know one thing. He started a relationship with you way too soon. Rule of thumb for me is no dating after a divorce or breakup for at least a year, yes a year. If you date so soon after you end up making same mistakes over and over again. Same life, different face. I think you married him way too soon. But that being a moot point now, you have to decide for yourself if you can trust him or not. I guess you could spend time going to her place and actually seeing the texts and dates for yourself? This stuff is easily enough to prove. Other than that, he needs to tell this woman to back off, and put return to sender on anything she sends him. Good luck.


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