# When does it get easier?



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I have been reading this site for more than two months and have posted but I haven’t started my own thread/story so here it goes – 
After T’giving, H told me he was “done.” We chatted/texted every day talking things over, rehashing stuff, I was unaware he was so unhappy in the marriage. He was re-writing history more and more everyday. 

We are the typical two career couple w/ a large family. We used to pay attention, nurturing our marriage, but in the last 2 yrs we have let it go and weeds/vermin have grown in it. Within two days of him telling me about his misery, I sought IC from someone who could also do MC, he chose not to be involved so I am still seeing this person for IC. 

Within the first 4 wks he made some erratic/impulsive moves… po box, secret phone, storage unit, moving things out etc… Mind you we have many kids from pre-school to post-college and this was the holidays. We don’t have a savings account and live paycheck to paycheck. I was worried about family finances and he was only worried about himself (my perspective of course). He didn’t want to ruin the holidays for the kids and I didn’t want to ruin their(our) lives… again our perspectives are very different. 

I have been reading about the 180 and bought many ‘save your marriage’ type books. I have worked on bettering me, detaching, but it’s so difficult when we have been together most of our lives and (25+ yrs). 

Last month, I finally quit fighting him about leaving, it was getting worse while he was clearly and constantly in contact w/ someone (chatting/texting late hours from our house) never hiding or muting the phone. My older kids would make comments about his detachment from the family. 

When we had talked about separating we talked about needing some rules/agreements (about time, kids, finances)but nothing was said he just didn’t show up one night. The older kids were going to go out looking for him… one made contact him finally and that’s how we found out he wasn’t coming home. 

He chose to leave on day I found out I needed major surgery. He would not be included in any of my future decisions about my health and he hasn’t shown any real interest in it. It took him more than a week to ask how the drs appt went that day. 

I have many children in the house and lots of supportive friends, but that doesn't replace what we had together for almost 30 yrs, so I totally get the loneliness, roller coaster ride that everyone has discussed. This 'fight' has gone on for more than 2 months and it is so draining. 

I started doing a soft 180 a month into it, but when he moved out it was the hard 180. I have felt good much of the time with the detachment, and recognizing my life will be different but not over (as I thought in the first month of this fight). He's been totally out for 3 wks and will be out for sure the rest of the month. When does it get easier? 

Any advice appreciated.


----------



## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Everybody different.. It will happen but the process will kill your spirit before you notice you are healing. Also the more you want him, the long the hurt will be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I'm sorry you are here. I'm not sure when it gets easier, we are all different even though our situations are much alike. I'm 6 months into my nightmare. There were so many days I didn't think I could take another breath. Not that I wanted to die, I just felt like I couldn't breath. The tears, the anger, the sadness, financial concerns, dealing with the kids left behind, on and on. I can tell you it does get better. My divorce is not final so I am sure I still have some rough days until everything is settled for good. I'm also doing the 180 for the most part. I've been doing that since November. Occassionally, I will have contact with him in email or text concerning financial issues. The 180 is hard to do, but I'm getting better at it and in time so will you. Take care of yourself and make sure you feel the love from your children, I know that having my sons has been the only thing that has gotten me this far. I'm taking this opportunity to built a closer realtionship with my sons and I am seeing positive results in them and myself.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Honestly, in this moment, I am not sure how much I want him anymore. I mean, I'd welcome him wanting to try, I mean really try w/ real effort, but without effort on his part I will be sad to end this part of our lives, but I have had such support from family and friends I am no longer fearing if it does come to an end. He hasn't shown any sign of wanting 'us' to work which makes me sad for both of us and our kids, but I will survive. 

Going through so much lately without him, I have been given/found much confidence and am coming to peace w/ either outcome (in this moment). 

I would like to get off this roller coaster! lol it's nauseating!


----------



## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I am right there with you, together for almost 30 years, H left last April after telling me he wanted a D the previous December. He took forever to find an apt., he never came and took all of his belongings, I have just been packing them up or leaving them for him bit by bit. He came all summer to do the yard work and other chores, he will come and take care of the dogs anytime I ask. He had to be told to change his address on bills that I was no longer going to pay and even had to be told to file for divorce if that was his choice. I want no part of being divorced or living my life without him, so I have let him get away with a lot. And I have been doing everything I could to keep him coming around. But next Wednesday we are going to court and 90 days after that, all done. I am not going to check out dating sites because I know I am not ready to do that.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Okay, having a weak moment(day). I am still recovering from surgery and would really like him to come home... I have told him that he could whenever he wanted. He mentioned he may have been too much of an a$$ to me in the past couple of months to be able to ever come home. So I am not holding out hope - well yes, I am, and so are my kids. This sucks. More pain meds must be needed! lol 

Oh madaboutlove... this doesn't look good for either of us does it? 

Okay, the 180 doesn't seem to be working well for me today! I should be ready to see lawyers, he hasn't shown much interest, compassion in my health at all when I could have really used it. I still have tests to go through and follow ups, but who wants to share it with him when there's no interest/care from him. 

Someone care to give a stay strong speech?


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Oh Mamatomany I am sorry to hear about all of this. Hang in there it will get better. Have you read the book Divorce Busters? Some of what you described seems to hit the Mid Life thing. 

I can relate with the health things. I have a procedure coming up where she was always there in the past, now I have to have other family members help. Sad.

There are better days ahead. I hope you get better soon~!


----------



## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Mama, all I can do is wake up each day, tell myself I am lucky to be in a warm home, with the dogs and cats snuggling, take a nice hot shower with my fuzzy towels and start the day. I look for him constantly, think about things I would call or text him about, and I don't anymore. Everyone says he will regret this some day, but that doesn't change anything for me right now. I am healthy right now, so one good thing, but I could certainly do more for myself, exercise more, eat more healthy foods, get enough sleep. I spend time with friends and my kids when I can and I work hard. And wake up and do it all again. I am sorry this is so hard for so many


----------



## Starfish girl (Feb 6, 2012)

I have had a very weak week too, I have experienced such aching for him this week. I miss him so much. I have text him about stupid stuff about the house almost daily just to see a text back. Today I have gone all day without texting him. The day is not over here yet but so far I haven't. I am so weak. He doesn't deserve how I feel about him.


----------



## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Hey, I used to say the same thing, he doesn't deserve to know anything important about you anymore. It took me almost a year to learn that lesson. He doesn't really care, just made him feel good and look good to others by doing nice stuff. I had to call someone tonight to stop me from texting him...again about nothing, just pretending that my fake husband is interested enough to send me little notes. It is all phony and only feels good for a few minutes. I need to let there be a break in contact and show myself that he really doesn't care enough to contact me. 4 days til court for me


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

So my H has been staying in a hotel (his choice/on our dime) and then traveled for business (so company's dime) now he is on his way home. Well, back to our city... he wanted one of our cars back and asked my daughter if she could pick him up... I didn't know and hadn't thought it through so I asked if he was coming home (we have many kids still here and they have only seen him 2x in 31/2 wks). Yes, I asked if he was coming home. Even though he has had little contact w/ our family all week w/ me having major surgery etc... can I blame the meds for this? 

I was running all sorts of scenarios through my head while he was gone... but never should I ask him home or his plans. I had already told myself if he didn't enter IC or MC but I asked if he was coming home! Dang! He of course said no. Then said the agreement was he had to ask to come over (he has never asked to come over or to see the kids) because I didn't want him just showing up whenever he felt like it hurting me and the kids further. 

What did I just do!? Ugh.


----------



## SailingSoloAgain (Feb 5, 2012)

I feel so bad for you Mama. I send you some strength but i's running pretty low right now.


----------



## anakin (Feb 1, 2012)

I was in a place like you a year ago. I was a mess and couldn't believe the things my wife was doing. If your WH doesn't want to be home with his family there is nothing you can do. You cant make his choices for him. I did try with my WW. Then I reached a point where I was like what the heck forget her. I remember all the lies and how she was still lying about seeing the OM when I have it written how she didn't feel bad for cheating. If your husband isn't sorry, and cuts the OW out of his life make plans without him. File for divorce and a custody agreement that's in writing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

anakin said:


> I was in a place like you a year ago. I was a mess and couldn't believe the things my wife was doing. If your WH doesn't want to be home with his family there is nothing you can do. You cant make his choices for him. I did try with my WW. Then I reached a point where I was like what the heck forget her. I remember all the lies and how she was still lying about seeing the OM when I have it written how she didn't feel bad for cheating. If your husband isn't sorry, and cuts the OW out of his life make plans without him. File for divorce and a custody agreement that's in writing
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Anakin, I don't know if there is OW ... he may just be a walkaway. I was doing better when I was at work, but I am on leave for my surgery, so I am back to being consumed w/ him and how we fell apart. If there is OW (there easily could be) his skill set would allow him to hide whatever he wanted to from me. Plus he moved out already. 

While he was gone I had his car, because it's easier to get in/out of after surgery, but he needs a vehicle and wants to come get one. He also said he'd like to see me and the kids... that just makes my heart race (and not necessarily in a good way). 

The kids constantly want him to move back home and I keep protecting his character while he is gone but I don't know how much longer I can do it. Financially we can't afford two houses... and he isn't willing/wanting to fix anything. We are at such a standstill. 

My big decision... take some meds and sleep while he is here or try to spend a little quality time? 

I know I can't fix him. I can't make him come back. He actually said he may have been too horrible to me in the past months to be able to come back w/o me always holding it over him.... I tell him we work through it either ourselves or MC.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

SailingSoloAgain said:


> I feel so bad for you Mama. I send you some strength but i's running pretty low right now.


I hope this was written before the V-Day card was opened... because I was happy for you this morning.


----------



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

For me I'm two months into this whole ordeal and I don't think it's ever going to get better. Being with the woman of my dreams for 11 years, then having her reject me with the I love you but not in love with you speech. I miss her daily, more than that I miss seeing my two children on a daily basis. I was not abusive, I was a great father, great husband, her rock for her to lean on, very affectionate, then she lost all her weight and not it feels like I'm disposable. I don't know how many times I think I'll never get to the other side. I just can't understand it at all.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

So my H came over he has been gone almost 1 month. He has seen our children 2 times for about 90 mins each, last time may have been longer my older kids couldn't say and I wasn't home. Today was the first time I saw him since he moved out. He never took off his coat. My husband of 25+ yrs came over to get his car and see our kids. He was ready to go in an hour. The kids did pepper him with questions about coming home... and I did nothing to intervene, because I always come up with excuses for him. This time I went upstairs to shower. 

He fidgeted with his pocket (secret phone?) a couple of times and no idea if he used it while we weren't together. It never made audible noise so... it used to when he lived here. 

Nowhere but limboland here...


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> For me I'm two months into this whole ordeal and I don't think it's ever going to get better. Being with the woman of my dreams for 11 years, then having her reject me with the I love you but not in love with you speech. I miss her daily, more than that I miss seeing my two children on a daily basis. I was not abusive, I was a great father, great husband, her rock for her to lean on, very affectionate, then she lost all her weight and not it feels like I'm disposable. I don't know how many times I think I'll never get to the other side. I just can't understand it at all.



Proud, I am really interested in this from your perspective because it may have hurt my marriage too. How much weight had she lost? Did you tell her how great she lost while she was losing? Did intimacy occur more w/ her weight loss or go the opposite direction? 

As a person who lost a lot of weight (baby weight x many babies) I became confident /felt sexy again and felt like others paid me more attention then he did. This is totally my perspective. He would say the same thing... he never complained about my weight but as a woman gets older it's harder to lose weight and I wanted to get healthy...and to feel sexy yet again. It's selfish and vain... but that's where my head was. 

Can I have your perspective?


----------



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I always told her how beautiful she was, I encouraged her weight loss because she was doing it to be healthy. I told her how sexy she looked, how amazing she was, how proud of her I was for doing this. Our intimacy over the last few months increased, but it was not due to her weight loss, I think it was more due to me trying to hold on to her, sensing that maybe something was wrong.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

*Re: When does it get easier when living in Limbo Land*



proudwidaddy said:


> I always told her how beautiful she was, I encouraged her weight loss because she was doing it to be healthy. I told her how sexy she looked, how amazing she was, how proud of her I was for doing this. Our intimacy over the last few months increased, but it was not due to her weight loss, I think it was more due to me trying to hold on to her, sensing that maybe something was wrong.


Thanks for that. My H thought he was reassuring me too, but I guess I didn't "feel like it" to me or it had to be asked for... hey honey look I am in a size 6 jeans, then I'd get a compliment type of thing. He was always very supportive. He cooked most of the dinners for the rest of the family while I was on a really restrictive part of the diet.

Our intimacy went down... he said it was because I wasn't pleasant to him, I say it's because he never came to bed with me and/or he definitely disconnected from me this past fall. 
My drive was going up the more weight I lost, more confident I was getting and I think his self-confidence (if I am to believe what he told me) was going down..... Even the little touches he use to do walking past me came to an end... 

I am just trying to figure things out and some friends said it was the weight loss that ended our marriage... I'd put it all back on if it fixed things... okay not all of it, but maybe 50 pounds ... if it helped.


----------



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah my soon to be ex wife won't admit that it's because of her weight loss, I think she is still in the fog. I always complimented her. I did feel a little self confident, she lost about 65 pounds. Towards the end I felt a little like does she still love me, does she still like the way I look? It's so tough because the last three months our love life was never better, she would surprise me with things, woke me up one night after coming back from her girlfriends because she was in the mood. I thought we were doing better, man was I wrong. It's tough because I'm such a touch kind of person, I miss all that now. It's been two months since I last was intimate. I'm not going to have that again for awhile. The thought of my wife sometime being with someone else, it's a killer.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Yeah my soon to be ex wife won't admit that it's because of her weight loss, I think she is still in the fog. I always complimented her. I did feel a little self confident, she lost about 65 pounds. Towards the end I felt a little like does she still love me, does she still like the way I look? It's so tough because the last three months our love life was never better, she would surprise me with things, woke me up one night after coming back from her girlfriends because she was in the mood. I thought we were doing better, man was I wrong. It's tough because I'm such a touch kind of person, I miss all that now. It's been two months since I last was intimate. I'm not going to have that again for awhile. The thought of my wife sometime being with someone else, it's a killer.



I lost 95lbs in just over a year. (Or should I not tell people that?) My H had told me about that thought to (me being w/ someone else) and said it was super painful... but he left me. 
I am not waiting forever w/ no signs of him trying or any signs that he is into me anymore. I am a physical touch/words affirmation type of person... he has taken all of it away and did it quickly. We have been fighting for almost 3 months and before that the affection was rare for 3 months before that. 
This makes me realize that I need a change!

Thanks for letting me know from a man's pov.


----------



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

You are welcome. I was so proud of my wife for everything that she did, and it seemed like her new found self confidence destroyed the marriage. What a kick in the butt. I was there through everything else, then when she finally got to where she wanted to be, I became disposable.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Just because I wanted to add some here, I may have said some of this already...


He left me (never came home) the day I found out I needed surgery (he didn't know about the surgery but knew about the appt) it took him 8 days to ask how my appt went and he only asked because he saw someone hug me on FB on a day off...

Last week when I was having major surgery/in the hospital 2 days and incapacitated for a while (as my 4 yr old said/learned the word) my H was on a business trip. We didn't know where he was and his family cell phone "wasn't working." If we wanted to get a hold of him it had to be via FB.... talk about deceptive, cold and leaving little to no hope? Oh btw he got into town and is working now, coincidence? 

I had another drs appt today (call back on questionable tests) and we text back and forth about kids today... did he ask how my appt went? Nope. Did I volunteer? NO. 

Errrrr ... back to being positive. He will not bring me down. 
I need to dream of a better tomorrow.


----------



## cryin (Feb 15, 2012)

I guess it gets easier with time, but if you have children together there will always be the reminder of the loss and the impact on your children's lives. 


I don't think people are truly divorced when they have kids together since all of the decisions regarding the children are made just the same as if married. Money is still exchanged for child support, medical expenses. schedules are still discussed for parenting.

discussions about birthdays and x-mas gifts. What are you going to get them???

Divorced with kids is a big lie imo. Your essentially married but have separate households and different sex partners.


----------



## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

When does it improve? When you...


Learn to let go and focus on yourself. This is difficult, and a week ago I didn't see how to let go. As the week progressed, and realize I did miss my wife, but not the woman who left our marriage. There is a difference.
Take actions for move forward... this means take forward steps despite the hurt, loss and pain, and forgiving yourself for inevitable backslides. 
Let the hurt out, allow your tears, release the grief when necessary.
Give up on false hope.
Seek help from a counselor and people who can tell you what you _*need*_ to hear, and not what you *want *to hear.
Catch yourself laughing out loud when you hadn't remembered the last time you did.
You can appreciate the smile of another man/woman not because you're interested in anything transitional, but because you recognize future possibilities (dating, for example).
Start to give advice on this forums instead of being in a desparate need to receive advice.
Remember that time does not heal all wounds in its own. Rather, it's what you do with the time is what helps heal.
Realize you will never love anyone else the way you loved your spouse, and that's ok. You will eventually love someone very differently, and that love will most likely be more mature, rewarding and nurtuting, provided you have learned from your experience.

Just my $0.02.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

cryin said:


> I guess it gets easier with time, but if you have children together there will always be the reminder of the loss and the impact on your children's lives.
> 
> 
> I don't think people are truly divorced when they have kids together since all of the decisions regarding the children are made just the same as if married. Money is still exchanged for child support, medical expenses. schedules are still discussed for parenting.
> ...


We have a large family and I agree there's no way to be able to cut all strings (sucks).


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> When does it improve? When you...
> 
> 
> *Learn to let go *and focus on yourself. This is difficult, and a week ago I didn't see how to let go. As the week progressed, and realize I did miss my wife, but not the woman who left our marriage. There is a difference.
> ...



I do work on about 8 of those and am doing okay on those
The bold ones are the ones that I am / will have difficulty with for a little while longer. 

Thanks Canguy... it's been 10+ wks since this hell started and 4wks today since he walked out w/o any sign of 'working' on us being off of work I focus way to much on somethings I can't change/control. 

1st month - I did it all wrong cried more than I knew I could (I'm not a crier except for stupid commercials)
4 - 6 wks (soft 180)
since then hard 180 (well as hard as you can w/ kids involved)


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

cryin said:


> I guess it gets easier with time, but if you have children together there will always be the reminder of the loss and the impact on your children's lives.
> 
> discussions about birthdays and x-mas gifts. What are you going to get them???
> 
> Divorced with kids is a big lie imo. Your essentially married but have separate households and different sex partners.


I totally agree. Right now he is being very agreeable but I can see that not lasting long.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

This morning when some of the kids were gone and others were trying to leave for school he came over because he wanted to talk to me. He had something he felt I would want to hear in person. (I started shaking like crazy talking to my older kids .... what could it be?)

We talk a few minutes and he jumps into his news...
He will not be moving back in. He is volunteering to do as much travel as work allows and will be getting an apt (that WE can't afford).

That's it? I didn't think he was coming home. H3LL! I wasn't sure I'd let him move back in w/o going to IC or MC...but it was too early to think about what I would have wanted. He has promised to get help for 8 wks and hasn't. I wasn't holding my breath. I did offer him a chance to come home on the wkd since it would have been only a week before his next job out. He can't be in the house. He can't stand to look at me. At one point he agreed to go to a counselor but it won't help. I made the mistake of saying with that attitude you're right. You have to go in w/ a better attitude. (He said I was controlling and being critical of him again). Later he told me on the phone he doesn't see this ever working because he could never have sex with me again. He told me to tell the kids daddy is working and won't be home. *my kids will never want to get a job!

Later I called the family/couples counseling office I was looking into and made an appt. He can take it if he wants or I will. 
He really needs to be the first one to go for his own sake so that he won't feel ganged up on or whatever people fear them for. But if he refuses to go... it will be known to my adult children (who are struggling w/ this as well) and I will start setting up all my little ones to seeing a counselor. I will start the divorce process if he doesn't show up. 

I told him he is holding onto a lot of anger, hate, and despises me... He said I don't hate you. 

He says when I look at him he thinks I hate him. 
I told him that I am sorry he can't see how sorry I am or how much I love him (first time I said that in 28 days or so)
YEah I broke the 180 but he needed to 'hear' it.


Soooo... comments... veggies to be thrown at me? Criticism? Support? Suggestions?


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Shock!!

Nope.

He didn't show up to his session. Told me 30 mins before he wouldn't be able to make it (personal reasons - now work related). I went ahead and kept the appt and talked to the person about the kids. My personal therapist doesn't do children and mine are going to have attachment problems w/ people moving in/out. 

The fact he has not made an appt. Has not tried to do anything to work this out other than move away (though he says that's why he left the family house). 

He is making it easier to accept and helping me move on w/o him. I've never respected a quitter (unless it's one that gave up smoking or some bad vice) . Sad


----------



## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

Aw Mama, I'm right with you. Your H sounds a lot like mine, never asked me about procedures I had done, never made birthdays or anniversaries special. Was your relationship wonderful before all this? I wouldn't call ours wonderful, but it was good, imo. We just both needed to be interested in improving it, which he wasn't.

you bolded:
>>Give up on false hope.

This is the toughest part for me too, but I'm getting better at it. If he's not giving any indications that he wants to be with me, I need to get real!


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

cabbage65 said:


> Aw Mama, I'm right with you. Your H sounds a lot like mine, never asked me about procedures I had done, never made birthdays or anniversaries special. Was your relationship wonderful before all this? I wouldn't call ours wonderful, but it was good, imo. We just both needed to be interested in improving it, which he wasn't.
> 
> you bolded:
> >>Give up on false hope.
> ...


In my eyes I know we needed to work on it but for me that meant time together and we just hadn't had time to make time on a regular basis. It was ok/good, but he never really wanted to do any 'work' from the outside (counseling or books). When we would get into tifs we would say stuff, but neither of us were listening at that point, so when things were going good he didn't want to bring up anything that would start a fight (he was unhappy etc). We had a big fight where I sad some horribly mean things that I didn't mean - I just wanted to hurt him. It went down from there. Neither of us are innocent, but in his eyes I am to blame for being so hurtful. He says he doesn't hate me... but his eyes and behavior say otherwise. 

I just had major surgery 2 wks ago that I think effected my hormones b/c are totally screwed up and I am having a horrible day. Usually the meds help, but I can't stop crying (unless I fall asleep). I am crying that we are out of milk for my little one and other groceries and that I can't drive yet w/ the meds. 

Plus today after reading a couple of threads that the men posted I started thinking about my H and hair, his lips, eyes, shoulders.... working my way down... and I miss him so much - 27 yrs. So today I am an emotional wreck.


----------



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Mama,
Don't worry I'm an emotional wreck thinking about my wife physically. I miss very much being intimate with her, but then I realized that the only thing I like about her right now is how she looks. Other than that I can't stand her. So even if I had the chance to be with her, there would be no emotional connection, plus it would set me back. Also, why would I want to give that to her when it's so obvious so doesn't appreciate me anymore? I need to save that for someone who wants it.


----------



## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> Mama,
> Don't worry I'm an emotional wreck thinking about my wife physically. I miss very much being intimate with her, but then I realized that the only thing I like about her right now is how she looks. Other than that I can't stand her. So even if I had the chance to be with her, there would be no emotional connection, plus it would set me back. Also, why would I want to give that to her when it's so obvious so doesn't appreciate me anymore? I need to save that for someone who wants it.


You're thinking some good things, Proud... now you need to internalize them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Mama,
> Don't worry I'm an emotional wreck thinking about my wife physically. I miss very much being intimate with her, but then I realized that the only thing I like about her right now is how she looks. Other than that I can't stand her. So even if I had the chance to be with her, there would be no emotional connection, plus it would set me back. Also, why would I want to give that to her when it's so obvious so doesn't appreciate me anymore? I need to save that for someone who wants it.


Proud, I get the physical thing. When y'all were talking about holding each other... man... I miss that so much. 
But 26 yrs this man was my rock, kept me centered, my better half and it wasn't until his(our) recent slow disconnection and then our recent fight... I remember just a couple of months ago (like you) where he was loving. In recent months I was feeling I was just needing him to be more affectionate, though he may have needed things from me w/o clearly voicing them too. I miss that. I do miss the routines too. Walking me to the car almost daily. Kissing me goodbye. 

Ugh... he just pm'd me and offered to run some errands for me but I just can't see him it hurts too much. I can't stop crying and I hate crying in front of my kids.


----------



## iamfree (Jun 22, 2012)

Ok, I am new to this site as of today. My wife and are now seperated and I am living on my own. This has been the hardest thing to do. I am going to start the 180 today. My biggest problem is going to be no worring about her emailing this other man. I know she is and I have a strong need to find out. How do you get past this. It also seems that there are more women going through this than men, so mt question is. Does 180 work the same way for husbands or wifes?


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

iamfree said:


> Ok, I am new to this site as of today. My wife and are now seperated and I am living on my own. This has been the hardest thing to do. I am going to start the 180 today. My biggest problem is going to be no worring about her emailing this other man. I know she is and I have a strong need to find out. How do you get past this. It also seems that there are more women going through this than men, so mt question is. Does 180 work the same way for husbands or wifes?


I hope you get some posts on this thread,but maybe not as it's 4 months old.It might be wiser just to start a thread of your own.Btw,welcome to TAM and good luck.


----------

