# What is she thinking?



## charlie_brown (Nov 15, 2013)

O.K. people here is the long and the short of it. We are all going through some form of separation or divorce, but my question is to the ladies. 

About a month ago the wife broke down crying stating that she in essence wanted out of out marriage of two years. I did and said what I could to change her mind, but in the end her feelings were unchanged. O.K.

We had to stay in the same house until tax time and then I would move out. Great. We don;t hate each other so we agreed to stay as friendly as possible, for the sake of the children and because we work together. Fine. 

Mentally I have moved on, I'm looking and places to live and have decided that I will not enter into another long term relationship for a very long time, if ever, it's just too much work and drama. 

Ok, here's the confusing part. I give her money to get her hair done, and though it looked nice, and I said as much. She felt my response to her new hair style was a bit lack luster, and when she talk about it, it seemed like she did not understand that I could care less about her hair style since it wasn't "For" me and since we don't have sex or touch beyond an occasional hug, what was I suppose to do?

My question is? is she delusional enough to think that after telling me she wants a divorce, because I did and didn't do "A,B,C, and 123", that I would still try to get her back and save the marriage? 

I mean we even had a discussion about how we are free to have sex with other people now, even though we are still married. I s it me or is she missing that fact that I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE SLEEPS AT NIGHT, and she has not bothered to tell me. 

So for all I know she could be leaving me at home with our four kids at night and climbing in the bed with another man. But I'm wrong for not raving over her new hair style. 

So please help me? am I the ******* here?


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

No you are not wrong. She sounds pretty self centered to me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

I'm not a lady but why are you still giving her money to do her hair and why do you only ask for a women to answer your question? I would keep it to just paying the bills associated with the house and kids. I think you need to get some boundaries up before she takes your money and does something you really don't like. Have you filed yet? Tax time isn't till April but you can probably stall the divorce until then. Get a lawyer, know your rights with your kids and find out about mutual property for your state.
I think if you should file and she will get the message that she is on her own and you two are trully getting divorced. She might even change her mind about leaving you. Sorry your here.
As far as her hair goes, really your right, who cares but quit paying for it. You might want to consider finding a different place to work.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

I wouldn't be so quick to move out of the house either. You may jack up your custody chances. She wants out, she can move. 

Who left her in charge?

As far as her hair goes, that's not your concern anymore.

Do not be her emotional tampon where you listen to all of her problems and give her affirmation. You are not her girlfriend with a penis. 

1. Stay in the house.
2. Get the best lawyer you can afford.
3. File for divorce.


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## charlie_brown (Nov 15, 2013)

I sent his out to the ladies, because this seemed like one of those tests that women sometimes do, that we fail because we don't know we are being given a test. 

I am not concerned about what the money went for, she understood that that was money I was going to use on something she had been asking for and now she can't have it. 

My question was, why did she expect me to rave over her hair do when, we don;t have sex and she does not sleep in the same house as me. I keep thinking that even though she is the one pulling the plug that she expects me to keep working to save the marrage.



Gonnabealright said:


> I'm not a lady but why are you still giving her money to do her hair and why do you only ask for a women to answer your question? I would keep it to just paying the bills associated with the house and kids. I think you need to get some boundaries up before she takes your money and does something you really don't like. Have you filed yet? Tax time isn't till April but you can probably stall the divorce until then. Get a lawyer, know your rights with your kids and find out about mutual property for your state.
> I think if you should file and she will get the message that she is on her own and you two are trully getting divorced. She might even change her mind about leaving you. Sorry your here.
> As far as her hair goes, really your right, who cares but quit paying for it. You might want to consider finding a different place to work.


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## charlie_brown (Nov 15, 2013)

moving out is not the issue either. neither one of us can afford the rent on the place we are together so she will be moving soon after I do. 

You guys and gals must understand that we do not hate each other. We are still friendly with each other and we started out our relationship AS friends it's just that there is not enough love here to forgive the mistakes that were made. 

Custody is not a issue either as long as I am in my kids lives the agreement will be more than fair.



helolover said:


> I wouldn't be so quick to move out of the house either. You may jack up your custody chances. She wants out, she can move.
> 
> Who left her in charge?
> 
> ...


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

charlie_brown said:


> I sent his out to the ladies, because this seemed like one of those tests that women sometimes do, that we fail because we don't know we are being given a test.
> 
> I am not concerned about what the money went for, she understood that that was money I was going to use on something she had been asking for and now she can't have it.
> 
> My question was, why did she expect me to rave over her hair do when, we don;t have sex and she does not sleep in the same house as me. I keep thinking that even though she is the one pulling the plug that she expects me to keep working to save the marrage.


Charlie I am sorry your here, I really am. Women that have a good head on their shoulders and are honest don't play games like the one you are insinuating. Maybe you just need to ask her why she expected you to give her excessive compliments? You should also tell her what you said about it here to us, that there's nothing in for you anymore. Try asking her if she thinks it was an attempt to get her to chase her if that what you think it was. If you base you actions on what you do with her on assumptions your probably going to make wrong decisions. I personally wouldn't play that game and only go on what she actually says, which was she is pulling the plug on the marriage. 
You never really said why she wants out. 
Do you know why?
If she won't work it out, go to MC or communicate her thoughts about your marriage you will only look weak at making another attempt to make it work. Doing a 180 will help you first but it does often make the ws wake up to the situation.
The Healing Heart: The 180 Good luck.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

charlie_brown said:


> moving out is not the issue either. neither one of us can afford the rent on the place we are together so she will be moving soon after I do.
> 
> You guys and gals must understand that we do not hate each other. We are still friendly with each other and we started out our relationship AS friends it's just that there is not enough love here to forgive the mistakes that were made.
> 
> Custody is not a issue either as long as I am in my kids lives the agreement will be more than fair.


You're being used. You think you are friends with her. She thinks you are a source of income for her. 

You have hope things can be saved still and you are asking the women here (very beta mistake) if she is testing you. You are well past that point. She is sleeping with other men at night - that's the test. 

You seem to be completely operating in her frame. That's at your peril.


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