# I hate my husband's grown-up sons.



## emotionally-drained (Jul 21, 2011)

Don't get me wrong. I maybe sound childish but I hope your gonna hear my story. 

I am 29 and my husband is 61. We met online dating site. I came from Philippines and he is from US.

I am a single mom with my 9 yrs old daughter and he got 3 sons age 38, 31 and 28.

When me and my husband started chatted 3years ago he decided to meet me after 5 months of sleepless and sweet chatting on the internet. We were so happy when we met. He stayed for 1 1/2 month then went back to US. I did know that he chatted again with a girl till I found out that he emailed this girl from Philippines and tell her that he still love her. I felt devastated that time cause he proposed to me before he left. I ask him to tell her nicely that she needs to move on and that he was engaged to me already but instead he cried but I ask him if he wants me, he said he is choosing me and will marry me.

But things did not go well, I got trust issue with him since that time. Even until now, I can still picture out how he cried that incident.

Anyways, to make the story short but actually its a little bit longer. We manage to survive thought we got little fights. But still I felt I am not secured. Every time we argue he calls his sons and told them everything and once in awhile my husband make it sound that I am acting too much.

One day, his son emailed me telling me all bad stuff. He mentioned in the letter that I am a gold digger that I am after to his dad's money which I understand his feeling because I am young and my husband is old. He also said that me and my daughter are cult, we do vodu stuff in his dad. Honesty, when me and my husband dating online long time ago I never asked money because I don't need one although I will admit that it would nice if somebody will give you...lol

But that's not the case, my husband is tight kind of person. It hurts me so much specially when his sons include my daughter already. I mean she's innocent here. But even if my husbands sons are like that, they emailed me stupid stuff still I think positive. They never met me yet. I am a good person. I got my own house got a good job in the government. I got nanny and laundry-girl while I still in the Philippines. Honestly, my life is better there compared here now that Im in US. 

I am not after to thier dad's money and I told them to that I am gonna sign a prenup.

I arrived in US after a year of patiently waiting for me to get approved. It was tough, I wanted to stay in the Philippines. I left my house there, nobody is taking care of it. I can't ask money from my husband to atleast send money to my nanny there to take of my house once in awhile because we only have 1200 dollars from his pension every month. My husband's sons keep telling me that I am a gold digger when infact me and my husband supposed to have 2000 every month but the mother of his grown-up sons steal from him. Their mom was the one leave their dad after he retired to be with a younger guy. Ex-wife took off with a bunch of money and living a good life while us we just live in an old double wide trailer untill now she is still receiving 800 dollars alimony every month thought she got a good work in the bank right now.

A month after I arrived here, we get married but a day before my wedding day my husband remind me to sign a prenup. I know I did say that Im gonna sign a pre-nup but that doesn't mean I don't have the right to make a contract with my husband. My husband brought me to his sons place, no lawyer, the sons made the prenup.

You know what is says there" 

Whatever happens what my husband acquire on or before marriage is his and mine is mine. I felt bad about it. Because there is no security on the agreement. I told my husband I am fine if it says there that I don't get anything if we get divorce and the cause is I cheat. But that is not the thing. It says there that even if he kicks the bucket I don't get anything, even a house to stay. Don't get wrong, but he brought me and my daughter here. I dragged my daughter here for me to be with him. He is not realizing that because his sons threatened him that if I am not gonna sign a prenup they're not gonna attend the wedding. I love my husband and I want him to be happy by having his sons on his sons on their dad's wedding.

I did sign the prenup hoping the cool off and will leave me alone so me and my husband could have a good married life. But they can't get enough, when my husband purchase a big 2 door fridge since he only have a small fridge while he is living alone. The second son insulted me face to cafe. He waited that his dad went to the bathroom the his son said "YOU MUST HAVE A GOOD LIFE HERE". Since then, they been injecting a lot of bad stuff about me to their dad. That I will just take off after I got a paper and steal all his money. Honestly, my husband got a few thousands in the bank but its not even enough to last for awhile. hehehe

Even if I was insulted, I still show that I am nice. I help them clean my husband's sons rental property. I never did all those things in the Philippines but I did it here anyways to pleased them. to show them that I am nice. But they are still bad at me so I told my husband If they don't wan't me then maybe we will just leave it like that. All I ask is not to let them visit our house anymore. My husband is free to go visit his sons anyway. Maybe, they can't accepted it that their dad would like them to leave me alone they get worsen. One time they showed up in the middle of the night from the party and drunk and wants to go visit. They try to pissed me off. They said they(his 2 sons only with their wives) want to want to watch TV. I mean they do have nicer TV than US and our channel is locals only that time. But they did not able to make it because I call a police and ask for advice. The police wants me to tell my husband to tell his sons to go home and if they don't the police will come over. 
Eventually, they did go home. But it did not stop from there. many time my husband went home feeling so bad that he will not talk to me because his sons says a lot of **** about me. I mean is it worth it, going home with your wife while your wife waiting with a clean home all the time with warm food served on the table all the time. My husband does not do anything. I did all the chores. Once time, when we build a deck I did all the holes for the poles and my husband will just cut all the woods and I nail it all. I mean Its too hard. I take care almost everything here that I guy should do. But, I am fine with it. I love my husband and I want to serve him just like how our culture in the Philippines. We serve our husbands. 

One night, I can't take it anymore. Me and my daughter pack our bags and wanted to stow away. His sons came over here to see if their dad will be ok if I live. But I don't think that's what they came over here. I think they wan't to see me leaving with my daughter finally. It was in the middle of the night, here in my place its hard to get a taxi. Since I stayed there in the front yard waiting for the taxi that I called mu husband's son offer his dad to call a taxi of his own because they can't wait to see us gone. My husband did not do anything he was just there looking at me at how his family, his 2 sons and a girlfriend say a lot of things on me and they try chase me away just like a dog. I am with my daughter that time. Even if I am scared I still go anyway, no place to go, not much money except for 3 dollars in my pocket. I decided to check in a motel for night but the next morning I decided to call my husband to pick me up since I can't take it that I am dragging my daughter to this situation. My daughter still have a class that very morning. So I did go back but I told my husband that i did not go back for him and go back to my husband's house for my daughter. I begged him to send me back to the Philippines and buy me ticket but he does not wan't to because according to him he loves me. I want to believed it but its hard. Even if our situation is like that but we still able to manage to fix some things but from to time we got this big fights because he still see's his sons and bring home some bad mood to me which I can't accept it.

It gets worse and worst. Now, I ask my husband to choose over me and his sons. If he choose me my conditions is not to let him see his sons anymore after all they don't do good to us. They said, I can never pleased them no matter what I do. If I only I know that earlier I would never do stuff for them. 

I know my husbands is having a hard time. I don't like to let him choose but I think I have to. I told my husband that I can't live like this everytime he sees his sons. They will not stop say and convince my husband to leave me. They asked their dad to get rid of me now, do you think I am bad to ask my husband not to see his sons anymore if they won't straighten up. None of them say a single sorry to me or even to my daughter who is innocent here.

Yeah, US is a very nice country, no doubt about it. But not all foreign people who came over here had the same successful stories to tell when they go back home.


Me and my husband fights almost everyday now. At one point that I get so mad that bust some things because I can't take it anymore. I tried to attempt suicide but I felt bad for my daughter. Once time, when he call me bastard because I will not allow him to see his sons anymore and I blocked him at the door. I fight with him physically, I hurt him too much and he hurt me too much too. I beg him to just let go of each other. He wont let me. I can't do anything here. I can't get a job because I don't have papers yet. I can't drive. I don't no where to run. 

Please help me. Advice me on what to do.


Im so sorry if my thread is too long. I just need to express my feelings. I got no one here. I felt so alone and helpless.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Don't make your husband choose between you and his sons.

I find it laughable that they have a problem with you for apparently being after the money from a man who has hardly any, and are not concerned that he would bring you and your daughter to a place where no one is kind and welcoming. 

They have no manners, and are being quite cruel.


He needs to tell them, he loves them and wants them in his life, but he won't accept any one disrespecting you. If they disrespect you he needs to leave and tell them he will not be back untill they treat you as they should.

If he cannot do that then it's probably best you move on and go back home where you have support. 

As soon as you can, you should get a job and have your own money. Also he should not be allowing you to do everything around the home, he should love and care for you too.


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## emotionally-drained (Jul 21, 2011)

Thanks for the reply. I guess I am wrong in letting my husband choose me over his sons. But I ask him many times not to see his son since he always go home bad feelings...His sons will not leave us alone till Im gone. Sometimes, I would think, why would I give them a benefit to be happy. i could stay here since my husband will not let me go even if he see me crying almost everynight.
If i stay here they will be more pissed. 

Right now, I can't see future with my husband but I love him so much. I just wish I could get a job but I can't for now. Pretty soon if I can. I might build a confidence to get out of this house and live my life without him. It hurts e thinking about it but if he got no stands on protecting me against his sons, then maybe its better that I go....


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## MLG (Aug 14, 2011)

He should not be treating you this way. I am so sorry that your experience with this country has to be like this. I also don't understand why you don't have your papers yet, perhaps you may want to find out what is taking so long with them. Here is the Immigration website you might be able to find some information on there.
Apply for US Immigration Services: USCIS, Green Card, US Citizenship, US Visas, Forms 
Also you should find out where you local woman help shelter is so if you need to leave again they will put you and your daughter up for the night or however long you need. You do not need to do this alone. I see you say you love your husband and he says he loves you too but you cannot make him chose his sons over you. He has to decide what he wants. Just like you cannot have to take care of your daughter. You cannot think about ending your life. If you are at that point you need to get out... Find a woman's shelter by contacted your local YWCA they will know who provides shelter in your area. 
And if you wanted to stay here which I think you said you wanted to go back to the Philippines But if you did not want to go back he cannot threaten you and tell you he will send you back here is a link that explains the laws there.

Violence Against Women Act: Protection for Battered Immigrants | USImmigrationlawyers.com 
I hope the links work and good luck....


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You are in a relationship in a wrong era, as you are most probably aware the phillipines is unfortunately infamous for their gold diggers and women who seek to migrate for a 'better life' in Western countries. My father who's an old man hoping to retire with someone has recently had such an experience in which I've been advising him constantly against.

He got hurt and wasted a ton of cash on the lady, who has also been very clever, by never asking - yet expecting. He's wised up now but the thing is I can relate to your husband's sons. They are looking out for their dad, that's all.

Yes it's racism, and I know it too well. The missus and I can't even walk down the street without ******** eyeing us up and thinking I'm "stealing their women" and that she "betrayed her own race". But I took the time to understand the reasons behind it, and even if I lost even more respect for them after learning their reasons I still accepted that they are human.

The thing is, you also made a bad move by asking him to choose between his own flesh and blood or you. It's an obvious choice. I wouldn't give up my daughter for anything else in this world, without her I'm nothing! She's the pride and joy of my life! I'm sure you understand this as a mother yourself.

I'm sorry this post is harsh but this is reality. I'm being honest and I hope you can gather some insight on this situation from another perspective such as mine. Your husband is right too that it is near impossible to be able to earn his son's trust or respect, they will see you as the young "mail order bride" marrying an old man for his money. It's just how it is. Proving that you're not is going to be tough. After a while you can go "I don't care what anyone thinks" but unfortunately you don't have the luxury as these are your stepsons.

You have to decide whether this is for you or not, IR relationships are always like this. Similarly, no matter what I do, I'll always be the man who stole one of their women and diluting the Aussie 'race'. I've come to learn cultural relativism so I can save myself the hate, and just accepting to their views; its just how it is.


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