# What made it "OK" for you to finally file?



## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

I am curious what was "the final straw" for some people who finally decided to move forward with their lives and file for divorce. In particular when there are kids involved.

I've been married 20 years. I don't want to bore with all my details but in the last 4 years my wife has had an affair, spiraled into depression, blames me for much of her unhappiness, and has made little to no effort to rebuild our marriage and/or make our marriage a better place. 

We have a cycle I finally recognize where every couple of months I get upset at something that involves her level of engagement in the marriage, we have a fight, and she ups her level of engagement for a couple of weeks and then we go back to how it was. I think she is a depressed person with a victim attitude who most likely fell out of love with me and continues the marriage because it is the easiest choice. Yeah, that's pathetic I know. I am ready to move on.

What hangs me up is I keep feeling like I am waiting for that big something that says it's okay to move on. I KNOW I have given every effort. I know I will be happier moving on. It's gonna kill me because we have 2 girls, 11 & 15, that I worry so much about. I know they are learning from this. I feel like it's because maybe I don't trust myself, my own decision even though I know I've given every effort.

Thoughts are welcome - thank you.


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## liftup985 (Sep 11, 2014)

I'm very interested in replies! I've been married 8 years and I don't want to look back in 10 more years and say I should have left a long time ago.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

2yearsago said:


> I am curious what was "the final straw" for some people who finally decided to move forward with their lives and file for divorce. In particular when there are kids involved.
> 
> I've been married 20 years. I don't want to bore with all my details but in the last 4 years my wife has had an affair, spiraled into depression, blames me for much of her unhappiness, and has made little to no effort to rebuild our marriage and/or make our marriage a better place.
> 
> ...


Your realization of this pattern is more than enough to make it okay to move on. This same exact thing was part of my A-HA moment that moved me to divorce my second husband. This IS a "big something". Allow yourself to move forward.


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## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> Your realization of this pattern is more than enough to make it okay to move on. This same exact thing was part of my A-HA moment that moved me to divorce my second husband. This IS a "big something". Allow yourself to move forward.


That's pretty much where I'm at. Something has shifted in my internally. It's like acceptance. More precisely, I feel like I am finally able to trust myself. Trust in what feels right...to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

After 6 months of MC. My contributions were brought to light and I made a commitment to work on myself. She however hasn't changed at all. I made peace with it after I got raged at 4 times in one week. No discussing the problem, just blindsighted. I made it known that this is the biggest issue I have at the beginning of counseling. He gave us tools to use, I got better at it, she however made zero attempts at changing herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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