# Online Dating Tips/Advice?



## dennisg1

I'm in my mid-30s and I've ventured out on the online dating sites and I'm finding it very difficult to connect/match up with girls. I feel like I'm an attractive guy with a good personality but I'm not having any luck online.

Back in my bar days; I would do very well talking to girls in person because I was funny, witty, flirtatious, would act a bit like a bad-boy which girls seemed to like. This tactic would work good for picking up girls, however, as things would become more of relationship I've always been a gentlemen and nice guy in the way I treat girls in a relationship. 

However, this online dating scene seems like a totally different beast. I wrote my nice guy responses on my profile, "I'm easy going, funny, like to go out for drinks, good convo, family oriented, selfless, etc.". 

My opening messages have fallen on deaf ears, I've used the basic openers like "Hi, how are you?", "How's your day going?", "I like {specific interest on her profile} too, let's plan a date! ", etc.

It just seems like this tactic isn't working, I'm even thinking that maybe I should take more of a bad-boy tactic; not sure if this would work better online?

Also, I don't have the best pictures up; I've been thinking of maybe getting some more professional photos on my profile. I hate people that have those professional photos, and I didn't want to be one of those people but maybe there is a way a photographer can take photos without looking too professional...haha.

Anyway, does anyone have any advice/tips with online dating? because it seems like I'm striking out left and right, and it's definitely not helping my self-esteem after coming out of a divorce...haha.

I've been institutionalized for the past 10 years in a relationship so this online dating scene is pretty new to me and doesn't seem to be working the way I thought it would.

Thank you!


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## Bananapeel

First get good pics up, since that's the first thing women will notice. Then realize that online dating is skewed to not be in your favor as a man so don't have high hopes (attractive women get inundated with messages from men and don't have time to screen through all of them). Instead, meeting people in real life is a lot easier.


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## Ynot

Personally, I think OLD is sort of screaming of desperation and laziness (although I admit I have been guilty of partaking and thus am guilty of both of the aforementioned sins). 
As Bananapeel said, the best way to meet people (not just women, although that will happen too) is to get out and live your life. Get involved in things that you like - you will expand your circle of friends and if you do happen upon a lady, you will have at least one thing in common with her to start off with.


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## MovingForward

dennisg1 said:


> I'm in my mid-30s and I've ventured out on the online dating sites and I'm finding it very difficult to connect/match up with girls. I feel like I'm an attractive guy with a good personality but I'm not having any luck online.
> 
> Back in my bar days; I would do very well talking to girls in person because I was funny, witty, flirtatious, would act a bit like a bad-boy which girls seemed to like. This tactic would work good for picking up girls, however, as things would become more of relationship I've always been a gentlemen and nice guy in the way I treat girls in a relationship.
> 
> However, this online dating scene seems like a totally different beast. I wrote my nice guy responses on my profile, "I'm easy going, funny, like to go out for drinks, good convo, family oriented, selfless, etc.".
> 
> My opening messages have fallen on deaf ears, I've used the basic openers like "Hi, how are you?", "How's your day going?", "I like {specific interest on her profile} too, let's plan a date! ", etc.
> 
> It just seems like this tactic isn't working, I'm even thinking that maybe I should take more of a bad-boy tactic; not sure if this would work better online?
> 
> Also, I don't have the best pictures up; I've been thinking of maybe getting some more professional photos on my profile. I hate people that have those professional photos, and I didn't want to be one of those people but maybe there is a way a photographer can take photos without looking too professional...haha.
> 
> Anyway, does anyone have any advice/tips with online dating? because it seems like I'm striking out left and right, and it's definitely not helping my self-esteem after coming out of a divorce...haha.
> 
> I've been institutionalized for the past 10 years in a relationship so this online dating scene is pretty new to me and doesn't seem to be working the way I thought it would.
> 
> Thank you!


I had same issue, always had luck meeting girls via friends of friends or in bars but online was a nightmare, problem is girls have so much choice so its hard to stand out. I met with a few girls and it was never any good and very tine consuming with all the chats.

My current girlfriend actually saw me on an App and didn't swipe me LOL, we met in a bar and things have worked out much better.

Either invest in some really good photo shopped pics, angle well and have a female friend review and write your profile or stick to meeting friends of friends and go back to bars or meet up groups. I have actually had some friends use facebook with success.


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## arbitrator

*I’m a member of two OLD services, OKC and POF.

In my heart, I firmly believe they are skewed greatly in favor of the premium memberships! If you will pay for all of the add-ons and extras that they will have no problem in charging you for, I think that you will fare so much better than if you play totally free as I choose to do!

I don’t believe that you’re ever matched up with the newer members, but rather the long term, less attractive members who haven’t met with a great deal of dating success!

I like OKC much better as they allow you to answer more pertinent questions that might help predicate a more exacting match!

Truth be told, the ladies that I’ve tried to contact have either not replied or those that do reply only do so up until they likely find someone more amenable to communicate with!

I’ve thought about giving up on them due to the lack of success there on either site! I cannot help but feel that all of the other sites are quite similar in nature!

If you can afford to pay for all of the bells and whistles that these sites offer, I feel that you can do so much better than winging it solo!

As of late, the only women that I have met have been through introductions from well-meaning friends! Those dates have been nice, but deep down, they have really been nothing to want to write home about!*


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## toblerone

Yes, picking people up in bars is very different from online dating.

It's easier to message someone than it is to approach them. So, consider that the person you are interested in may be getting HUNDREDS of messages a day. They may not even see your message, let alone want to respond to it.

I think pointing out you have the same interest in something that someone else does isn't effective at all- because it is so superficial. How do you know someone isn't just bull****ting? Also, the specter of that interest being so vital to make someone want to see me would be a little strange.

"Well, I wasn't sure I really liked you, but hey you like inverted parasailing and so do I so I guess...."
or
"OH MY GOD I AM SO HAPPY SOMEONE ELSE LOVES INVERTED PARASAILING I CAN'T WAIT DO DO THIS TOGETHER FOREVER"

I would advise that your messages and profile allow for your personality to show through.


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## Andy1001

dennisg1 said:


> I'm in my mid-30s and I've ventured out on the online dating sites and I'm finding it very difficult to connect/match up with girls. I feel like I'm an attractive guy with a good personality but I'm not having any luck online.
> 
> Back in my bar days; I would do very well talking to girls in person because I was funny, witty, flirtatious, would act a bit like a bad-boy which girls seemed to like. This tactic would work good for picking up girls, however, as things would become more of relationship I've always been a gentlemen and nice guy in the way I treat girls in a relationship.
> 
> However, this online dating scene seems like a totally different beast. I wrote my nice guy responses on my profile, "I'm easy going, funny, like to go out for drinks, good convo, family oriented, selfless, etc.".
> 
> My opening messages have fallen on deaf ears, I've used the basic openers like "Hi, how are you?", "How's your day going?", "I like {specific interest on her profile} too, let's plan a date! ", etc.
> 
> It just seems like this tactic isn't working, I'm even thinking that maybe I should take more of a bad-boy tactic; not sure if this would work better online?
> 
> Also, I don't have the best pictures up; I've been thinking of maybe getting some more professional photos on my profile. I hate people that have those professional photos, and I didn't want to be one of those people but maybe there is a way a photographer can take photos without looking too professional...haha.
> 
> Anyway, does anyone have any advice/tips with online dating? because it seems like I'm striking out left and right, and it's definitely not helping my self-esteem after coming out of a divorce...haha.
> 
> I've been institutionalized for the past 10 years in a relationship so this online dating scene is pretty new to me and doesn't seem to be working the way I thought it would.
> 
> Thank you!


First of all you need to look your best in the pictures you have on the dating site so maybe get some professional photos taken.Most sites allow more than one picture so use some that show you doing something interesting or exciting, don’t bother telling people you like to read and watch tv,that’s an instant turn-off.
If you like rock music or any other type of music just say so,don’t give a list of your hundred favorite metal albums.The same rule applies if you like movies.
Remember these dating sites favour women strongly,there are just so many men using them in comparison to women that a guy has to really stand out to succeed.


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## GuyInColorado

I had good luck on POF. Met a few girls on there. Just have to not be a creep and make sure they can tell you're a successful and confident guy.


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## dennisg1

Thanks for all the replies!

Yes, I need to get more involved in more things I like and expand my "single" circle of friends. I guess that's my issue now coming out of a divorce is all my friends are married so it's not like the old days where we would all go out to a bar together every weekend. I still hang out with my married friends but the dynamic has definitely shifted. 

I guess that's why I was interested in OLD, because of the convenience, but like others have mentioned any good looking girl on OLD is probably bombarded by messages from guys. I guess I'll keep on trying OLD and see where it goes, but definitely need to invest in better pictures.

Thanks!


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## Bonkers

Ynot said:


> Personally, I think OLD is sort of screaming of desperation and laziness (although I admit I have been guilty of partaking and thus am guilty of both of the aforementioned sins).
> As Bananapeel said, the best way to meet people (not just women, although that will happen too) is to get out and live your life. Get involved in things that you like - you will expand your circle of friends and if you do happen upon a lady, you will have at least one thing in common with her to start off with.


I disagree. After my divorce in 2006 I online dated for years, went on dozens of first dates, many second dates, I met a ton of women, (including a few who almost weighed a ton) and as a result I was in a half a dozen relationships ranging in duration from 2 months to 2 years, except for my current relationship, we're together 6 years and living together for 3 and we're legal domestic partners so this one appears to be going the distance. 

Online dating is a relatively easy, successful and effective way to get in touch with, and meet a lot of people, especially if you don't like to do the bar scene. There's also speed dating which I've done in the past and that got me a few dates, as well as other social events. 

But to disparage online dating by saying it's for lazy people? No way. It's just another way to meet people using the power of your computer and the internet. Assuming of course, that it's used correctly. To chat with one or two people for weeks or months without meeting is a big waste of time. The woman I'm with now.. we met on OK Cupid and messaged for 3 days before meeting, no time wasted there. 

Actually it's not "online dating" at all, it's online meeting, followed by real life dating.

That's not to say you won't meet a woman in "real life", but the two ways to meet are not mutually exclusive. Other good places to meet a woman are in the supermarket and in the gym to name a few.


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## dennisg1

Bonkers said:


> I disagree. After my divorce in 2006 I online dated for years, went on dozens of first dates, many second dates, I met a ton of women, (including a few who almost weighed a ton) and as a result I was in a half a dozen relationships ranging in duration from 2 months to 2 years, except for my current relationship, we're together 6 years and living together for 3 and we're legal domestic partners so this one appears to be going the distance.
> 
> Online dating is a relatively easy, successful and effective way to get in touch with, and meet a lot of people, especially if you don't like to do the bar scene. There's also speed dating which I've done in the past and that got me a few dates, as well as other social events.
> 
> But to disparage online dating by saying it's for lazy people? No way. It's just another way to meet people using the power of your computer and the internet. Assuming of course, that it's used correctly. To chat with one or two people for weeks or months without meeting is a big waste of time. The woman I'm with now.. we met on OK Cupid and messaged for 3 days before meeting, no time wasted there.
> 
> Actually it's not "online dating" at all, it's online meeting, followed by real life dating.
> 
> That's not to say you won't meet a woman in "real life", but the two ways to meet are not mutually exclusive. Other good places to meet a woman are in the supermarket and in the gym to name a few.


Yes, I agree...I feel like it's just another method I can use to meet girls; who knows maybe I'll meet someone that I'm compatible with. I do like the bar scene but don't like going alone...haha, so for the times I can't find someone to go with I guess OLD will be a good filler.


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## Ynot

Bonkers said:


> I disagree. After my divorce in 2006 I online dated for years, went on dozens of first dates, many second dates, I met a ton of women, (including a few who almost weighed a ton) and as a result I was in a half a dozen relationships ranging in duration from 2 months to 2 years, except for my current relationship, we're together 6 years and living together for 3 and we're legal domestic partners so this one appears to be going the distance.
> 
> Online dating is a relatively easy, successful and effective way to get in touch with, and meet a lot of people, especially if you don't like to do the bar scene. There's also speed dating which I've done in the past and that got me a few dates, as well as other social events.
> 
> But to disparage online dating by saying it's for lazy people? No way. It's just another way to meet people using the power of your computer and the internet. Assuming of course, that it's used correctly. To chat with one or two people for weeks or months without meeting is a big waste of time. The woman I'm with now.. we met on OK Cupid and messaged for 3 days before meeting, no time wasted there.
> 
> Actually it's not "online dating" at all, it's online meeting, followed by real life dating.
> 
> That's not to say you won't meet a woman in "real life", but the two ways to meet are not mutually exclusive. Other good places to meet a woman are in the supermarket and in the gym to name a few.


Without a doubt you will meet people from outside your social circle. And I did not "disparage" it. I am merely saying that if all you do is sit at a computer waiting to "meet" someone, you are being lazy. Get out and live your life. along the way you will also meet many people.
As I said I did OLD for several years. I too have met and dated many women, Several of which developed into LTRs. My OPINION is that nothing beats meeting someone who you already share an interest with.


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## Bananapeel

dennisg1 said:


> Thanks for all the replies!
> 
> Yes, I need to get more involved in more things I like and expand my "single" circle of friends. I guess that's my issue now coming out of a divorce is all my friends are married so it's not like the old days where we would all go out to a bar together every weekend. I still hang out with my married friends but the dynamic has definitely shifted.
> 
> I guess that's why I was interested in OLD, because of the convenience, but like others have mentioned any good looking girl on OLD is probably bombarded by messages from guys. I guess I'll keep on trying OLD and see where it goes, but definitely need to invest in better pictures.
> 
> Thanks!


It's actually not convenient. The amount of time you put into it to find someone that is halfway decent just doesn't work for people that have busy lives. If you are going to try it the most efficient thing to do is just go on tinder and swipe right on everyone (this way you will match with every woman that is interested in you). Then go back and check your matches and delete the ones that you aren't attracted to, and then go message the rest of them.

One last thing. If you meet someone through OLD and she doesn't look like her picture (trust me, it's going to happen), just walk out and cancel the date. You'll save both of you an awkward evening.


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## Bonkers

Ynot said:


> Without a doubt you will meet people from outside your social circle. And I did not "disparage" it. I am merely saying that if all you do is sit at a computer waiting to "meet" someone, you are being lazy.


Well, no, you didn't merely say "if all you do is sit at a computer waiting to meet someone, you are being lazy". If you said that I'd be in full agreement. 

You said:



Ynot said:


> Personally, I think OLD is sort of screaming of desperation and laziness


I also don't agree with this:



Ynot said:


> the best way to meet people (not just women, although that will happen too) is to get out and live your life.


I think online dating exposes you to a LOT more potential dating partners than "going out and living life" which might result in a few chance encounters but in todays day and age- online dating far exceeds other methods of meeting people- which is why so many do it.


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## Bonkers

Bananapeel said:


> One last thing. If you meet someone through OLD and she doesn't look like her picture (trust me, it's going to happen), just walk out and cancel the date. You'll save both of you an awkward evening.


Good plan but I found this extremely difficult to do. Even if she was a fat ugly beast that was a decade older than her pictures, I found myself unable to simply say "WTF, you're a damn liar, I'm out of here!"

I felt an obligation to sit and converse with this "thing" who deceived me and wasted my time, who I knew I'd never have the displeasure to set my eyes on ever again. 

To this day I can't explain why.



Bananapeel said:


> It's actually not convenient. The amount of time you put into it to find someone that is halfway decent just doesn't work for people that have busy lives.


Online dating is geared towards people with busy lives. Because you can search profiles and message potential dating partners late at night, or first thing in the morning before you leave the house to lead your busy life. It doesn't have to take up that much time- unless you become one of those eternal texters- who go back and forth with dozens or even hundreds of texts over weeks or even months before meeting. Only to find there was no chemistry at best, and deception at worst.


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## toblerone

Bonkers said:


> Good plan but I found this extremely difficult to do. Even if she was a fat ugly beast that was a decade older than her pictures, I found myself unable to simply say "WTF, you're a damn liar, I'm out of here!"
> 
> I felt an obligation to sit and converse with this "thing" who deceived me and wasted my time, who I knew I'd never have the displeasure to set my eyes on ever again.
> 
> To this day I can't explain why.


The way I see it? It's only fair to stick around and have the meal. After all, I'm sure she went into the date believing I looked like Brat Pitt!


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## Ynot

Bonkers said:


> Well, no, you didn't merely say "if all you do is sit at a computer waiting to meet someone, you are being lazy". If you said that I'd be in full agreement.
> 
> You said:
> 
> 
> 
> I also don't agree with this:
> 
> 
> 
> I think online dating exposes you to a LOT more potential dating partners than "going out and living life" which might result in a few chance encounters but in todays day and age- online dating far exceeds other methods of meeting people- which is why so many do it.


Um yeah, I did actually say what I said. I am sorry if you missed the "sort of" part in my original post, maybe next time I will try to be more concise and less in a hurry. But, my OPINION remains unchanged. I get it, it worked for YOU, but it doesn't work for many. A lot of times these OLD sites prey on the desperation of people looking for a convenient pain free way to meet people. Yes you will meet lots of people - from hundreds of miles in way in some cases - people who, for the most part, I have neither the time, nor the desire to spend time conversing with. And as Bananapeel stated, it does require a lot of time and effort, time and effort which for the most part would be better spent improving one's life, rather than sitting in front a computer.


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## Bonkers

toblerone said:


> The way I see it? It's only fair to stick around and have the meal. After all, I'm sure she went into the date believing I looked like Brat Pitt!


It's not fair to me if I've got to pay for it, while being careful to keep my hands and other important body parts far away from it's mouth.


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## toblerone

Pro-Tip: Women are more than willing to offer paying for the meal if they think they're going to meet someone who looks like Brad Pitt!

But seriously, go dutch.


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## Bonkers

Ynot said:


> I get it, it worked for YOU, but it doesn't work for many. A lot of times these OLD sites prey on the desperation of people looking for a convenient pain free way to meet people.


It's my understanding that online dating works for many people.


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## Rowan

I don't know that professional photographs are necessary. Plus, they're expensive. I had a good girlfriend come to the house and take pictures of me in a couple different outfits doing what we'd have been doing anyway - having a glass of wine while chatting. I also had her take a few shots while we were out doing other stuff I usually do - kayaking, a charity event, dinner with a group of friends, etc. The pictures were good, they were free, and they portrayed me in my natural setting. I think that's what matters - recent, flattering, photos of you as you actually look, doing things you actually do. I'd avoid photoshopping, bathroom selfies, and any pictures of you with a woman who is not obviously your mother or grandmother. Also, make sure you get at least one full-length picture and at least one without a hat. And keep your clothes on for pictures unless you're actually just looking for random hookups. 



Oh, and avoid referring to women over the age of about 22 as "girls". If a mid-30s woman said she wanted to meet boys, that'd sound creepy. It's not really any less creepy when a mid-30s man says he wants to meet girls.


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## toblerone

Yea, pics don't have to be pro. Just lit well, show that you know how to groom yourself, and that you have an idea of what you look like.

It also helps to have pics that are quite obviously not in your home. Preferably outside. 

When I did OLD and I saw a close-up face pic of a chick indoors, more than likely using the light of the monitor to enhance her features, the first thought in my mind was:

CAT

LADY


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## Bananapeel

To backup @Ynot - 

This is how my real life situations go and I assume it's the same for Ynot. I see a woman that I think is attractive and her body language is inviting. I walk up and strike up a conversation. If I feel like there's mutual interest I ask for her number and ask her out on a date. Then plan and schedule our evening out. What's simpler and more efficient than that? 

When I tried OLD I'd read a bunch of profiles, decide those I like, send messages, wait for responses from the few that responded back (of course with the low response rate my ego would be temped to lower my standards and contact less desirable women). Message back and forth a few times then ask for number. Text a few times then ask for a date. Go on date and realize that 90% of them I'd never have asked out of I met them IRL first. There were some good ones that I met online, but the ratio of effort to reward is just not favorable. 

I think it's perfectly normal to try OLD when people get out of a LTR and are still getting used to dating again. But, once you get your confidence/mojo back it rapidly loses its appeal.

One last piece of advice for the OP - *If she only has head shots up it means she's fat*.


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## Ynot

Bonkers said:


> It's my understanding that online dating works for many people.


That depends on what the definition of "many" is. Despite the success rates claimed by all of the sites, I would be willing to bet for the great majority of people who sign up, there is little success. No dates, bad dates, too many dates etc etc. As Bananapeel said, being yourself and living your life is the #1 best way to achieve success, how ever you define it.


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## Bonkers

Ynot said:


> That depends on what the definition of "many" is. Despite the success rates claimed by all of the sites, I would be willing to bet for the great majority of people who sign up, there is little success. No dates, bad dates, too many dates etc etc. As Bananapeel said, being yourself and living your life is the #1 best way to achieve success, how ever you define it.


I think you're projecting your own online dating failures. 

Don't listen to me, do a search, I just did. Tons of sites which delve into the success rates of online dating, such as this one. 
_
"Like it or not, online dating is here to stay. It has become the increasingly common way that singles, everywhere, can meet their matches in our fast-paced modern world. Studies report almost 25% of couples meet online, with those numbers increasing each year."_

From here-

https://thoughtcatalog.com/mark-ros...e-successful-at-online-dating-have-in-common/

And here

_In a previous post I summarized statistics showing that online dating is not only prevalent, but also slightly more successful than offline dating in producing stable (i.e., less likely to result in divorce) and satisfying long-term romantic partnerships. _

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/virtual-you/201406/why-is-online-dating-successful

And here

_One-third of married couples in U.S. meet online: study_

One-third of U.S. marriages start with online dating: study - NY Daily News


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## Ynot

Bonkers said:


> I think you're projecting your own online dating failures.
> 
> Don't listen to me, do a search, I just did. Tons of sites which delve into the success rates of online dating, such as this one.
> _
> "Like it or not, online dating is here to stay. It has become the increasingly common way that singles, everywhere, can meet their matches in our fast-paced modern world. Studies report almost 25% of couples meet online, with those numbers increasing each year."_
> 
> From here-
> 
> https://thoughtcatalog.com/mark-ros...e-successful-at-online-dating-have-in-common/
> 
> And here
> 
> _In a previous post I summarized statistics showing that online dating is not only prevalent, but also slightly more successful than offline dating in producing stable (i.e., less likely to result in divorce) and satisfying long-term romantic partnerships. _
> 
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/virtual-you/201406/why-is-online-dating-successful
> 
> And here
> 
> _One-third of married couples in U.S. meet online: study_
> 
> One-third of U.S. marriages start with online dating: study - NY Daily News


I didn't have any OLD failures. I had many OLD experiences. In fact, I had a LOT of fun with OLD
But to say that something is better just because it is happening is non-sense. Guess what? More people shop on-line than they did 30 years ago - it means nothing. Because 30 years ago there weren't any OLD sites, nor were there any on line shopping sites. Also, it would help if you compared apples to apples instead of to oranges. Seeing that OLD has really only produced meaningful numbers in recent years it is ludicrous to compare them to real life numbers that span decades (current numbers). So you (or the surveys you are relying on) are trying to compare the "success" rate of a relatively few short term OLD based marriages to a much larger number of long term marriages (with the highest rates of divorce being among those married the longest). Sorry, but if either of us is projecting, that would be you. I congratulate you for finding someone on line. I sincerely hope that it works out as you plan.

OH crap, I hadn't seen where you used a story based on a survey PAID FOR by EHarmony. PEW, which did their own survey found that fewer than 10% of all marriages in the US came about as a result of OLD.


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## Bonkers

Ynot said:


> But to say that something is better just because it is happening is non-sense. Guess what? More people shop on-line than they did 30 years ago - it means nothing.


Actually it means everything.


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## Ynot

Bonkers said:


> Actually it means everything.


No it just means that it is now possible, but it is hardly evidence that it is better, despite what eHarmony says! As I said, I am happy for you. I hope it works out for you. But the OP came looking for advice, not anecdotes or propaganda


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## Diana7

Bananapeel said:


> First get good pics up, since that's the first thing women will notice. Then realize that online dating is skewed to not be in your favor as a man so don't have high hopes (attractive women get inundated with messages from men and don't have time to screen through all of them). Instead, meeting people in real life is a lot easier.


For me it was the opposite, there are far more women on Christian dating sites then men, so its the men who are inundated with messages there.


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## Diana7

I met my husband on line, one of my children met their spouse on line, and another child is dating a nice guy she met on line. I also know about 10 other couples who met this way, mainly Christians.

First make sure its a good reputable site, not a free one and not one like tinder. Also maybe not an international one, too many scammers. 
Secondly maybe get a female family member or female friend to look at your profile and give any ideas or thoughts. Be yourself and be honest. 
Thirdly, OK a nice photo is good, but when I messaged my husband nearly 13 years ago now, he didn't even have a photo on the site. It was what he had written that attracted me to him initially so dont be too worried about having to get that 'perfect' picture. 
Forth, be patient. I was on dating sites for 2 years before I met my now husband. I chatted to many people, met a few, but no one clicked till I met him.

Its a great way to meet people that you would never normally meet, and it works for many.


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## Diana7

Ynot said:


> Without a doubt you will meet people from outside your social circle. And I did not "disparage" it. I am merely saying that if all you do is sit at a computer waiting to "meet" someone, you are being lazy. Get out and live your life. along the way you will also meet many people.
> As I said I did OLD for several years. I too have met and dated many women, Several of which developed into LTRs. My OPINION is that nothing beats meeting someone who you already share an interest with.


There are many dating sites for people who have specific interests etc.


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## Bananapeel

@Diana7 - are you physically attractive? Your results are not typical compared to all of the women I know that have tried OLD that are physically attractive. Also, the Christian sites are probably geared towards a different audience than the OP is looking for.


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## Ynot

Diana7 said:


> There are many dating sites for people who have specific interests etc.


No kidding! Of course you can sit around and play on line hoping to meet some one you are interested in or you can go out and actually participate in something you are interested in and meet someone. Hmmm, let's see, sit around and wait, or be active and wait? I dunno, it might just be me, but I would rather be involved any day of the week than be an observer. But to each their own.


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## Bonkers

Ynot said:


> No it just means that it is now possible, but it is hardly evidence that it is better


Dude I never said, suggested or implied in ANY way that I think online dating is BETTER.

I simply refuted your statements that the majority of people who online date fail to succeed because they are perceived as "sort of desperate and lazy".


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## Bananapeel

Ynot said:


> No kidding! Of course you can sit around and play on line hoping to meet some one you are interested in or you can go out and actually participate in something you are interested in and meet someone. Hmmm, let's see, sit around and wait, or be active and wait? I dunno, it might just be me, but I would rather be involved any day of the week than be an observer. But to each their own.


This actually kills two birds with one stone. First off, lots of people in the dating pool will say they like things when they really don't as approval seeking behavior. And the more they are interested in you the more likely this is to happen, unless they have high self confidence. By doing the activities you like you will meet people that actually enjoy the same activities as you do, rather than just pretending. Secondly, if you go out and do more things you become a more interesting person to date and are living a life that meets your individual needs.


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## Ynot

Bonkers said:


> Dude I never said, suggested or implied in ANY way that I think online dating is BETTER.
> 
> I simply refuted your statements that the majority of people who online date fail to succeed because they are perceived as "sort of desperate and lazy".


Actually you did, you posted links to surveys that said the marriages spawned from OLD were less likely to end in divorce, relative to those arising from IRL meetings. So whatever. 
But wow, you like make assumptions, don't you? Where did I say any of that, besides in your head? What I said was my OPINION of OLD was that it sort of screamed off desperation and laziness. And that it doesn't work for the majority of the people (probably for that very reason). But dude, as I have told you several times now - I am happy you found some one, Congratulations you stumbled upon some one. So stop taking offense over things you only imagined were said. It makes me wonder why you would, unless you already feel that way about your self.


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## Ynot

Bananapeel said:


> This actually kills two birds with one stone. First off, lots of people in the dating pool will say they like things when they really don't as approval seeking behavior. And the more they are interested in you the more likely this is to happen, unless they have high self confidence. By doing the activities you like you will meet people that actually enjoy the same activities as you do, rather than just pretending. Secondly, if you go out and do more things you become a more interesting person to date and are living a life that meets your individual needs.



Yabbut it is just so much easier to sit at home thinking about it.


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## MrsHolland

OLD IME suits some better than others, is all about attitude. If you are fairly thick skinned and have a good SOH then it can be lots of fun. If you are a creep that lives in your mums basement then that will shine through. If you are a decent guy that values honesty that will shine through.

From a females POV I would say OP that decent photos are a must, they don't need to be professional shots (actually for me that would be a put off) but good quality photos that show you have some pride in your appearance. A fishing, shirtless, drunken etc photo also speaks volumes.

I had a great time OLD but also had a great life anyway and was out and about living it. Women are usually bombarded online so if they don't reply then don't worry. No one has to talk to you IRL either.

I met some really great men online and had lots of fun. Then met Mr Amazing and we are now very happily married. His profile was interesting, to the point, not overly flowery and fake. Bullet points are good, just be precise but witty.
The whole walks along the beach type of stuff was very off putting for me, screamed fake.

I know a lot of people that met online, it is the new norm and no big deal. Just like online forums should not be anyone's only line of human communication and interaction, OLD should not be your only form of meeting people.


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## jlcrome

I've done on-line dating before here's my input.
1. Unique pics is a must avoid selfies at home, no family pics you really go all out. here's some pointers. Take pics showing your hobbies like hiking, kayaking, moountains just pics showing you are having fun. Taking pics with a cute dog I read that few days ago. Clothing is important show the latest styles aviod plain or mis-matched clothes. Also take the best quality pics possible no blurrs is a must.
2.Smile if you have perfect set of white teeth show it.
3. Use keywords in the describe me section. Confident, secure, good listener, etc.
4. Avoid negativeness tired of being alone, just got out of a bad relationship, 
5. Don't be to impulsive to write stuff like how you are ready for commitment keep it short. You can come across as desperate keep it short.

Best advice Pics!!!! at least 3 Show one hiking in the mountains, show another with a pet, show another with a favorite hobby. Clothes!!! show some casual but cool looking clothes. Just not formal just casual everyday clothes but it's gotta stand out. 

Here's some pointers, wait!!! too many guys hit the newbees they are flooded with texts. Wait 2-3 weeks before sending a text. I personally had luck with compliments "hey nice smile care to talk?" find something in there about me section and also comment on it also. 
Keep your first message short!! Compliment them and mention something in their profile. "Nice smile!! I do like a woman that is fill in the blank. 
Keep it short make sure you catch them on-line it works best but not necessary. 
If she responds then you made a connection. If she does'nt then she not interested. 
This works trust me.


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## Diana7

Ynot said:


> No kidding! Of course you can sit around and play on line hoping to meet some one you are interested in or you can go out and actually participate in something you are interested in and meet someone. Hmmm, let's see, sit around and wait, or be active and wait? I dunno, it might just be me, but I would rather be involved any day of the week than be an observer. But to each their own.


Most of the people I know who met someone on line also had busy active lives, they just hadn't met the one that way. Friends yes but not someone to marry. That's why internet dating its so good. You can meet people who don't live that far away but who you would not have come across otherwise. People who have the same faith as you, or the same interests, or whatever it is you want. Its just a normal part of life now, and many have met the love of their life this way. If we just rely on who lives in our own town and round about, we are severely limiting ourselves. There is a big wide world out there.


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## Diana7

Bananapeel said:


> This actually kills two birds with one stone. First off, lots of people in the dating pool will say they like things when they really don't as approval seeking behavior. And the more they are interested in you the more likely this is to happen, unless they have high self confidence. By doing the activities you like you will meet people that actually enjoy the same activities as you do, rather than just pretending. Secondly, if you go out and do more things you become a more interesting person to date and are living a life that meets your individual needs.


Yes and many who meet their spouse on line are already leading busy lives and are active in many things, but just haven't met that special one that way.


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## Diana7

Bonkers said:


> Dude I never said, suggested or implied in ANY way that I think online dating is BETTER.
> 
> I simply refuted your statements that the majority of people who online date fail to succeed because they are perceived as "sort of desperate and lazy".


I agree, none of the people I know who met their partners this way were desperate or lazy. Its a very common way to met people now, and in my opinion, far far better that meeting someone in a bar or night club.


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## Diana7

Bananapeel said:


> @Diana7 - are you physically attractive? Your results are not typical compared to all of the women I know that have tried OLD that are physically attractive. Also, the Christian sites are probably geared towards a different audience than the OP is looking for.



My husband says I am :x but I am probably pretty normal lookswise. Yes Christian sites are different, in the UK only 5% go to church so we have a very limited number of people we can meet, our churches aren't really large usually, and there are many more women than men both in the church and on Christian online dating sites, which gets more so as you get older. 
Also some men in their arrogance tend to go after younger women(who usually aren't interested), sometimes MUCH younger women, so for the women its so much harder to meet anyone. 
Not sure why there are more men that women on other sites.


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## Bananapeel

Diana7 said:


> My husband says I am :x but I am probably pretty normal lookswise. Yes Christian sites are different, in the UK only 5% go to church so we have a very limited number of people we can meet, our churches aren't really large usually, and there are many more women than men both in the church and on Christian online dating sites, which gets more so as you get older.
> Also some men in their arrogance tend to go after younger women(who usually aren't interested), sometimes MUCH younger women, so for the women its so much harder to meet anyone.
> Not sure why there are more men that women on other sites.


I think part of your perspective is you view dating as a gateway to marriage. While that works for some, many other people just like to go out and socialize and don't have a preconceived notion that marriage is a goal. It is perfectly acceptable for two consenting adults to go out on a date(s) and just enjoy each other's company, without even thinking about marriage. That's not to say that marriage can't happen, but just that many people like to live in the moment and enjoy what they have without needing to tie it to a long term pathway. For the OP, he didn't state that he was looking for marriage or a religious Christian woman, so your personal bias and recommendations probably aren't going to be that helpful to him. He did mention he'd done the bar thing before, which makes me think he's probably not looking down the same avenues as you did for a mate. If I'm incorrect in my assessment, you'd be the logical person to ask for advice on which dating sites to go to. 

As far as dating younger women goes, I'm part of that "arrogant" group you referenced. The mindset for that is that if a man has an easy time meeting/dating younger women then why should he date outside of the age range he is comfortable with? From a psychological point of view - in general men mature slower than women so dating a younger woman makes lots of sense if you want to be at an equal maturity level. It also makes sense biologically, especially if the man would want to have more kids. I personally am just a bit shallow and don't have those reasons, but I'm sure a lot of men have legitimate reasons that is makes more sense to date a younger woman than an older woman. 

There have been enough of these threads now that for the OP the major advice that gets repeated is have good pictures and low expectations if you want to try OLD. Other than that, have fun!


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## Ynot

Diana7 said:


> I agree, none of the people I know who met their partners this way were desperate or lazy. Its a very common way to met people now, and in my opinion, far far better that meeting someone in a bar or night club.


Hmmm, so its either OLD or meet someone at a bar? I don't understand your black and white thinking. I do a lot more than go to bars. So do most other people. Us Godless heathens are not as one dimensional as you zealots like to believe.


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## Ynot

Diana7 said:


> Most of the people I know who met someone on line also had busy active lives, they just hadn't met the one that way. Friends yes but not someone to marry. That's why internet dating its so good. You can meet people who don't live that far away but who you would not have come across otherwise. People who have the same faith as you, or the same interests, or whatever it is you want. Its just a normal part of life now, and many have met the love of their life this way. If we just rely on who lives in our own town and round about, we are severely limiting ourselves. There is a big wide world out there.


As BananaPeel said, you seem to think the end game of dating is marriage. I am not interested in marriage. Been there, done that, and no thanks. So I guess if you are just looking to get married, then looking thru a list of self selected individuals who also want to get married is one way to do it. 
As for the big wide world, I have no interest in a long distance relationship. There are plenty of people right here where I live to have to go looking half way across the country.


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## Married but Happy

OLD worked well for me in my 40s. I had an active life and I got out a lot, but never met many women that way. After a rocky start with OLD (I never got responses to my contacts), I worked a lot on my profile, making it interesting, a bit funny, a little informative (with the idea that readers would want to know more), and got some good photos together (I'm an average looking guy, but had both close-ups, and pictures of me doing things I enjoyed). My selling points were humor, sanity, responsible, employed, and moderately fit.

I stopped making contact. Instead, I let women find me - and plenty did! Sure, there were plenty of weeks when I didn't have a date, but some where I had several dates. Over about a year and a half, I had hundreds of contacts, but few were worth pursuing. However, from those that were, some of my best short relationships came from that effort, I also made several lifelong friends, and my future wife found me there and made first contact. YMMV, but at the least requires a very carefully made profile to have a chance of success for an average guy. Change details of the profile to keep it fresh, especially the first few lines and the photos, as you may capture the interest of someone who passed over it before.


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## Diana7

Bananapeel said:


> I think part of your perspective is you view dating as a gateway to marriage. While that works for some, many other people just like to go out and socialize and don't have a preconceived notion that marriage is a goal. It is perfectly acceptable for two consenting adults to go out on a date(s) and just enjoy each other's company, without even thinking about marriage. That's not to say that marriage can't happen, but just that many people like to live in the moment and enjoy what they have without needing to tie it to a long term pathway. For the OP, he didn't state that he was looking for marriage or a religious Christian woman, so your personal bias and recommendations probably aren't going to be that helpful to him. He did mention he'd done the bar thing before, which makes me think he's probably not looking down the same avenues as you did for a mate. If I'm incorrect in my assessment, you'd be the logical person to ask for advice on which dating sites to go to.
> 
> As far as dating younger women goes, I'm part of that "arrogant" group you referenced. The mindset for that is that if a man has an easy time meeting/dating younger women then why should he date outside of the age range he is comfortable with? From a psychological point of view - in general men mature slower than women so dating a younger woman makes lots of sense if you want to be at an equal maturity level. It also makes sense biologically, especially if the man would want to have more kids. I personally am just a bit shallow and don't have those reasons, but I'm sure a lot of men have legitimate reasons that is makes more sense to date a younger woman than an older woman.
> 
> There have been enough of these threads now that for the OP the major advice that gets repeated is have good pictures and low expectations if you want to try OLD. Other than that, have fun!


Yes you are right, dating was for me a way to meet a man who wanted a long relationship followed by marriage. Part of that is indeed having a date and enjoying each others company. I did date one man who made it clear that he wasn't ready for a serious commitment as yet as he had very recently come out of a long marriage, and I respected that. We had a nice evening and got on well, but I decided not to met him any more as it had been 5 or so years since my marriage ended at that time, and I was ready for something serious. 

All the men I met were around my age, I would never date a man who was much older than me, and my husband is actually slightly younger than me. Most of the women I know who date on line never respond to men more than a few years older, they think its a bit sick and pathetic that a man say in his 40's would think he is in any way appealing to a women in her late 20's say. One young lady I know got a message from a man in his 50's when she was only in her early 30's. She didn't want a daddy thanks. :surprise: 

I agree that in our teens and early 20's women are more mature, but after that no. My husband was looking for a lady of around his age, I respected him for that. We have far more in common, remember the same things, have adult children of a similar age etc .

I think that some advise is relevant to all on line dating. That's what I tried to give.


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## Diana7

Ynot said:


> As BananaPeel said, you seem to think the end game of dating is marriage. I am not interested in marriage. Been there, done that, and no thanks. So I guess if you are just looking to get married, then looking thru a list of self selected individuals who also want to get married is one way to do it.
> As for the big wide world, I have no interest in a long distance relationship. There are plenty of people right here where I live to have to go looking half way across the country.


My husband only lived 40 mins drive away, but I would never have met him otherwise. Another family member lived 4 hours drive away from his now wife. Another 3 hours drive away from her boyfriend. 
Looking outside our own little locality means that we have far more people to chose from.


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## Ynot

Diana7 said:


> My husband only lived 40 mins drive away, but I would never have met him otherwise. Another family member lived 4 hours drive away from his now wife. Another 3 hours drive away from her boyfriend.
> Looking outside our own little locality means that we have far more people to chose from.


No crap! Looking in Japan and Africa means you have the whole world to chose from!. But that doesn't change the fact that I am not interested in taking an 1 1/2 of my day to go see someone who may or may not be compatible with me, and that after spending countless hours sitting in front of a computer just to "meet" them. I would rather be doing something better with my time.


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## Bonkers

Diana7 said:


> My husband only lived 40 mins drive away, but I would never have met him otherwise. Another family member lived 4 hours drive away from his now wife. Another 3 hours drive away from her boyfriend.
> Looking outside our own little locality means that we have far more people to chose from.


I used an expanding radius strategy back in the day. I started by filtering results to within a half hour and when and if I ran out of leads I'd increase the span to 45 minutes.

I met my partner when I was at the 35 minute circumference.

We messaged only 3x before meeting at a place that was midway between us (less than 20 minutes drive), we were exclusive following date 2 and here we are 6 years later.

Total time spend exchanging the predate messages? About 5 minutes.


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## Ynot

Bonkers said:


> I used an expanding radius strategy back in the day. I started by filtering results to within a half hour and when and if I ran out of leads I'd increase the span to 45 minutes.
> 
> I met my partner when I was at the 35 minute circumference.
> 
> We messaged only 3x before meeting at a place that was midway between us (less than 20 minutes drive), we were exclusive following date 2 and here we are 6 years later.
> 
> Total time spend exchanging the predate messages? About 5 minutes.


I went to a beer lovers meet up. I visited a place I had never been before and tried some new craft beers. I started talking to a woman who was there also trying new craft beers. We made plans to go out. Total time spent doing something unnecessary? 0 minutes! Plus I made several other new friends with interests outside of craft beer. Wow, so glad I didn't spend hours on the computer, in order to spend another 5 minutes possibly meeting someone worth spending time with.


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## Toolate131

OP

I pretty much could've written the same thing you did. One thing that helped with Tinder is get on there and swipe the hell out of it, maybe just pay for one month of "GOLD" so you can see who swipes you and then decide if you want to swipe them. I met a really nice woman and had a fantastic 5 hour date with her a week ago and we're still communicating.

Also with Tinder, look for women you actually know in real life then text them you swiped right on em, this reconnected me with a woman I knew from years past and we also had a good time together. 

POF and Ok Cupid kind of stink. Just yesterday I downloaded eharmony and you can't even view pictures w/o paying, ridiculous!


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## arbitrator

*Just joined ChristianMingle and they seem far worse for “add-ons” and extras than OKC and POF is!

Thought that a Christian site would have some heart, but they, too, have a great big pocketbook to fill!*


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## Diana7

Bonkers said:


> I used an expanding radius strategy back in the day. I started by filtering results to within a half hour and when and if I ran out of leads I'd increase the span to 45 minutes.
> 
> I met my partner when I was at the 35 minute circumference.
> 
> We messaged only 3x before meeting at a place that was midway between us (less than 20 minutes drive), we were exclusive following date 2 and here we are 6 years later.
> 
> Total time spend exchanging the predate messages? About 5 minutes.


Its not so easy if you are on a Christian site because there are far far fewer people to meet. If you limited it to 30 mins there would be no one. I was pretty lucky to meet a man who only lived 40 mins drive away. He was the closet of the men I met. Most were hours and hours away. 
I messaged him on the Tuesday, we spoke on the phone on the Thursday and we met on the Saturday. We did send each other lots of emails in the first few days and weeks, and I loved that part of it. We married after 9 months and that was 12 years ago. I knew within a week that I wanted to marry him.:smile2:


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## Diana7

arbitrator said:


> *Just joined ChristianMingle and they seem far worse for “add-ons” and extras than OKC and POF is!
> 
> Thought that a Christian site would have some heart, but they, too, have a great big pocketbook to fill!*


If you were British I could recommend a site. Some are better than others. Mind you its been 13 years since I was on them so they may have changed.


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## Diana7

arbitrator said:


> *Just joined ChristianMingle and they seem far worse for “add-ons” and extras than OKC and POF is!
> 
> Thought that a Christian site would have some heart, but they, too, have a great big pocketbook to fill!*


 The ones that cost a little more are sometimes better as you have less scammers. I would also recommend
ones just for your country, not international ones.


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## MrsHolland

There are many christian men on the general OLD sites, maybe the guys are different to the women and just want to met someone, anyone. Even though my profile was set to non religious I got bombarded with requests from the religious guys. Maybe that is why it is harder for the women on the christian sites as the men are elsewhere.


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## Diana7

MrsHolland said:


> There are many christian men on the general OLD sites, maybe the guys are different to the women and just want to met someone, anyone. Even though my profile was set to non religious I got bombarded with requests from the religious guys. Maybe that is why it is harder for the women on the christian sites as the men are elsewhere.


Most of the Christian men I know who have met someone have been on the Christian sites. Generally they do want a Christian wife if they are serious about their faith. If they are nominal Christians I guess they may look elsewhere. 

I think that the reasons its harder are that firstly there are far less men in the church generally, and secondly, men generally go after younger women, so women find it hard to meet any men of their own sort of age who are interested. The older you get on Christian dating sites, the less men to women there are, at least in my past experience of 2 years on these sites. Many men in their 40's and even 50's were wanting women in their 30's to have children, but I did notice that most of them were still looking 2 years later when I left. Most women of that age don't want men so much older than them not surprisingly.


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