# The TRUTH for mother in law?



## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Hello everyone,

Some of you may know my story already from my previous posts (if you do, please read on after blue text)
The quick summary of it is that my husband and I will likely be going through a divorce soon.
In addition to differences in value such as spending habits (he loves luxury and designer items while I'm more in to living within our means etc), I discovered that he slept with prostitutes while we were dating (we've only been married for 15months). The last 2 attempts I could see where 2 different text messages to 2 different prostitutes, which I later found out were transgender prostitutes - 2 weeks before he proposed to me (which is 16 months ago).

We are at the point where he's told his parents what's going on (re possibility of divorce), and I've told mine (to those that have been reading my threads, I will be telling my parents the whole truth re "infidelity" was with prostitutes once I am ready....hopefully soon..). 

I've gone through different stages of devastation, anger, sadness, and feeling humiliated, etc. One of the things I negotiated to my husband few months ago before things got as bad as now, was for him to share all passwords with me for all devices as he no longer had my trust. Well, after the explosive fight we had last week, it turns out he changed all his passwords. We have since sort of reconciled and agreed to see how we work things out in the next 3 months.

He was out later than usual for work yesterday (I know that this week is his corporate event week which I have the agenda for and do believe he was just out with his boss and colleagues....). While he was out, my paranoia and resentment kicked in and I demanded that he give me the iPad password and questioned why he changed it. He was hesitant to give to me but I got it out from him in the end via text. On his iPad, he had also deleted the Yahoo email app so I was no longer able to read his emails. He had also no longer connected his iPhone to his iPad so I could no longer read his text messages. He still had his Facebook message app however, and I was yet again ticked off.

His conversation with his mother was basically along the lines of "We will see how she is the next 3 months. Everything is on my terms now".......And his mother, who I assume has only heard that I am a moody psycho b**** as he ABSOLUTELY did not tell her that I've been so depressed due to my discovery about his infidelity with transgender prostitutes while he also lavishes himself with luxury items that is beyond our means..... she asks my husband "Does she have access to my money?" (my husband has a joint account with her and watches over her money all the way here in the US, his mother lives in Europe)... And my husband says "No. Don't worry, I've changed passwords to everything now"...

I AM UPSET & ANGRY. Yet again. And it is mind boggling that they see me this way. First of all, I come from a wealthy family and his & her small savings are not needed. Even if that is not the case, I will absolutely NEVER steal from anyone. Never have and never will. Another upsetting thing he said to me last week before R was that I must tell him WHEN I am flying out of the USA, as he'd like to take that day off so he can make sure I don't steal his belonging (i.e. Rolex watch etc). SERIOUSLY???? PLUS, the real humour in all this is if I DO want his money, I can probably legally get them via lawyer (although I don't intend to), for the pain and suffering re prostitutes, I gave up my promising career to start my life with him here in the US, I sold all my furniture and belongings to move here, etc etc. I am confident that in addition to the evidence I have of his infidelity, I can easily walk away with a good portion of his $. But I will not. I am not that kind of person and when I do walk away, I'd like to walk away in peace.

I just can't help but be extremely disturbed with his sad way of thinking. His wife. Who's given up so much for this marriage, woke up every single morning at the same time he goes to work to make him breakfast, did all the chores, made him 2 - 3 meals per day for him for all this time, whose heart he broke,..... that I will STEAL his things??? Excuuuuuuuse me??? 

Ok, sorry I just had to get that off my chest.

Anyway, some of you have suggested in my other threads that I reveal to his mother what he has done re transgender prostitutes, etc, so my husband faces the consequences of his own actions.... 
On one hand, I don't think I should ever take this route as he has a very very special relationship with his mother who is 61....I'd hate to break her heart with this info (although I know she will stand by him no matter what at the end of the day.)... On the other hand, I do think he needs to face the consequence and have his family know, so perhaps they can also be there and be aware should this reckless behaviour continue..

Please share with me what you would do if you were in my shoes: Discover your SO infidelity with prostitutes. Transgender may I add. Fundamental reason for break up will be because of this. Would you tell HIS family the truth???


Look forward to hear your opinions!

Thank you!

**Note, my husband's defence is that it was BEFORE we were engaged that all this happened. Not sure if you agree with him that this would make him any less guilty even if his last attempt as far as I can see was 2 weeks before he proposed to me.....


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

He is probably gay or bi and is ashamed of it. So, he has to hide behind a wife to keep living his double life. 

If iI was a wicked and dont give a **** kinda wife, i would broadcast it to the world. I am not and i am sure you are not, so don't tell them about that part. Tell your parents. 

Just get your divorce as quickly as possble and go in peace. God will bless you


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

At this stage his family won’t believe anything you tell them and judging by previous posts your own family won’t either.
You can be a victim for the rest of your life or you can immediately divorce his sorry ass.
It’s up to you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Do yourself a favor and detach. You are divorcing him right? And honestly you should as this is just another example of what a bad choice he is for a husband. What I told you in the other post works the same here. You will have a better life if you don't care so much what others think of you. Care about doing the right thing, part of that is having enough confidence to NOT allow someone to treat you so poorly. They are not even worth it. I get it that it is terribly unfair but in this case you probably won't have a relationship with these people going forward. That is her son she is probably not going to believe you anyway. But finally the best thing is that if he continues this pattern it's not going to matter if you tell or not, he will soon self destruct. There is gong to come a point where you won't have to say a thing the consequences of his choices will show that you were never the issue. And that won't require you saying anything. 

I think it's best for you to detach as the sooner you detach from him the sooner you can start healing. The sooner you can start healing. Expending emotional energy on him and his family will only prolong your suffering at this point.

Let me tell you something. YOU didn't nothing wrong. This is NOT about you. You seem like a good choice, you just married bad. It happens. But the way to not compound that is to see him for what he is, don't romanticize anything but learn from it. Maybe check your picker. You are so much better then this guy, believe that, hold your head up high and move on. In a year or so this will just be a bad choice that you made and have moved on from. Lots of us have those.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

brooklynAnn said:


> He is probably gay or bi and is ashamed of it. So, he has to hide behind a wife to keep living his double life.
> 
> If iI was a wicked and dont give a **** kinda wife, i would broadcast it to the world. I am not and i am sure you are not, so don't tell them about that part. Tell your parents.
> 
> Just get your divorce as quickly as possble and go in peace. God will bless you



Thank you brooklynAnne. Oh my, that's what I thought! I kept thinking he must be gay or bi....And I've even had this conversation with him... and you have no idea the stupid amount of articles and websites I've gone to try to understand why he has done this and figure out his sexual preference.... He always says he is straight but no body will ever know except for him...... and he may be in denial so who knows.

Thanks for your input. No, I am not wicked. I will try my best to go in peace..


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> At this stage his family won’t believe anything you tell them and judging by previous posts your own family won’t either.
> You can be a victim for the rest of your life or you can immediately divorce his sorry ass.
> It’s up to you.



Andy1001, 

Noted. And thank you!!! I must remember the power is in my hands...


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Do yourself a favor and detach. You are divorcing him right? And honestly you should as this is just another example of what a bad choice he is for a husband. What I told you in the other post works the same here. You will have a better life if you don't care so much what others think of you. Care about doing the right thing, part of that is having enough confidence to NOT allow someone to treat you so poorly. They are not even worth it. I get it that it is terribly unfair but in this case you probably won't have a relationship with these people going forward. That is her son she is probably not going to believe you anyway. But finally the best thing is that if he continues this pattern it's not going to matter if you tell or not, he will soon self destruct. There is gong to come a point where you won't have to say a thing the consequences of his choices will show that you were never the issue. And that won't require you saying anything.
> 
> I think it's best for you to detach as the sooner you detach from him the sooner you can start healing. The sooner you can start healing. Expending emotional energy on him and his family will only prolong your suffering at this point.
> 
> Let me tell you something. YOU didn't nothing wrong. This is NOT about you. You seem like a good choice, you just married bad. It happens. But the way to not compound that is to see him for what he is, don't romanticize anything but learn from it. Maybe check your picker. You are so much better then this guy, believe that, hold your head up high and move on. In a year or so this will just be a bad choice that you made and have moved on from. Lots of us have those.



sokillme,

Thanks for the feedback. Reading your post made me tear up... I kept thinking that maybe I wasn't enough, or blaming myself how did I miss the red flags, or worrying about him like who is going to care for him or love him if I leave, etc. But I must detach. And I think I have slowly started. Baby steps. But will get there. For me, divorce was a definite possibility but I think there was that slither of hope that maybe we will work things out (I know, stupid me and also crazy me)... But after reading that correspondence between him and his mom, I got the impression that he will keep me or kick me out, as he pleases. What I thought was OUR choice is in fact HIS choice, in his mind. Coming here and you guys totally help me see things clearly. I guess I am scared of what's to come but everyday, I feel myself detaching more and seeing him for what he is. Thank you for your continued support!


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Do you have any shared assets that would be worth getting a lawyer to insure that they are split equally?

If not, go to the courthouse and get the papers and fill them out yourself. A lawyer is not always needed in a divorce, if the two people can agree on everything.

Get it done ASAP, and start living your life, free of 180 lbs of disgusting refuse.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Therelocatedwife said:


> sokillme,
> 
> Thanks for the feedback. Reading your post made me tear up... I kept thinking that maybe I wasn't enough, or blaming myself how did I miss the red flags, or worrying about him like who is going to care for him or love him if I leave, etc. But I must detach. And I think I have slowly started. Baby steps. But will get there. For me, divorce was a definite possibility but I think there was that slither of hope that maybe we will work things out (I know, stupid me and also crazy me)... But after reading that correspondence between him and his mom, I got the impression that he will keep me or kick me out, as he pleases. What I thought was OUR choice is in fact HIS choice, in his mind. Coming here and you guys totally help me see things clearly. I guess I am scared of what's to come but everyday, I feel myself detaching more and seeing him for what he is. Thank you for your continued support!


Just think about what this is here. This is a man who promised you he would be faithful and then hooked up with prostitutes. He is also probably closeted. So in the end you are better off it you DON'T stay with him. But make sure you are thinking right here too. So in the end your mistake was you picked the wrong guy, but like I said unless you marry your first love and have a good marriage most people have that happen to them at least once. That doesn't say anything about us as people or our worth. If anything your worth is more because you are not the type of person who could be so cruel and heartless. That makes you a much better choice. Have pride in that. See your self as better them him as far as relationships go, BECAUSE YOU ARE. 

So you made a bad choice, work on that. Figure out what flags you missed and correct that. But don't settle for someone who treated you so bad. He was going to do this to anyone he was with. His actions have nothing to do with you, they are all on him. Remember YOU are the catch here. 

Finally we all go through it. But you are going to be fine. It just takes time. You will feel joy again one day soon. Trust us.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I recommend to ignore anything about his mother. There is no chance that she will take your side or be understanding at all.

Take pictures of all the evidence you have found and keep it in a few safe places. It sounds like he's going to twist things around to make himself look good and it's all your fault. Having evidence of his behaviors will go a long way to ensuring people believe your side.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Therelocatedwife said:


> We have since *sort of reconciled and agreed to see how we work things out in the next 3 months.
> 
> *On his iPad, he had also deleted the Yahoo email app so I was no longer able to read his emails. He had also no longer connected his iPhone to his iPad so I could no longer read his text messages.
> 
> ...


^^THIS.^^
Okay. You are asking the questions here, so I'll give you my answers.

To begin with, you have already asked us for our opinions. We have given them. Yet you still keep asking. You are playing the victim/martyr card here. 

And as far as reconciliation goes ... THIS is your idea of reconciliation? Seriously????

Your husband may very well be bisexual; I don't know. But he certainly sounds like a narcissist. The thing is, narcissists don't empathize or sympathize with their victims. Yes, you were a victim. You have now become a volunteer.

Look, just divorce this loser ASAP. Your current situation has nothing whatsoever to do with a genuine reconciliation. And this is all about your problems/issues, not his. He isn't posting here. 

Don't waste your time telling his mommy about his rotten behavior. It's not going to convince her that you are the wronged party. What you need to do is divorce him. Then make sure you get lots of counseling to deal with your own lack of self-esteem and lack of boundaries. Just stop focusing on what this clown has done and is doing. Focus on your own issues, because that is all you can fix in this hot mess.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Sure, tell her. It seems your husband is expecting YOU to change. He was unfaithful, with prostiutes. he is also financially reckless with his spending. After reading through that messenger app do you actually think he has any intention of changing or bettering himself? He sees you as the problem. I’m sure you may have your flaws but his flaws involve having sex with prostitutes and then having sex with you. He exposed you to who knows what in regards to STDs. Just get out now while you are still young and have no children with this guy.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No, there is no reason to tell HIS mother....but there are a lot of reasons to tell YOUR mother.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* @Therelocatedwife ~ you really do not want any more of this crap out of your STBXH, do you?

Immediately file for divorce and place him squarely in your rear-view mirror!*


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