# Husband's sex rules.



## desuca (Jan 22, 2013)

Sex was great until we got married 30 years ago. He laid down rules for when we could have sex (only on a night where he hadn't worked or didn't have to work the next day, which was usually Saturday, and if we went out on Saturday, no sex), where he could be touched (all of a sudden, most of his body was off limits), and we could only have sex after a thorough cleaning with shower, shaving, trim nails, brush teeth. This left no room for spontaneity and quickly became pretty unromantic. I had been through one divorce already and had two children from my first marriage. Within two months, I was pregnant with my third child and felt pretty helpless. Other than our sexual issues, he's a great guy, a good provider, and really fun to be with. But, he used to spend hours in the bathroom where there were stacks of porn under the sink, and when we got internet service, he spent hours on the computer while I was alone and lonely in our bed. Then, I accidently found a disk from our digital camera with a lot of naked pictures he took of himself. He said they were for me, but they were over six months old and he had never shown them to me. Plus, he was very angry that I had found them. Also, the poses didn't look like something he would send me. Now, he has a cell phone and I-pad, both with passwords he won't share with me. I have told him that makes me feel like he's hiding something disturbing and it has affected my ability to trust him or be comfortable with him in bed. He says that it is my problem, not his, it's all in my head, and he will never share his passwords with me because he wants and deserves his privacy. I feel like a fool and like I have wasted my romantic and sexual self on someone who has been living a secret life throughout our entire marriage. Is this all really in my head?


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## yellowledbet (Sep 5, 2012)

Unfortunately, this is not just in your head. People don't hide stuff if there is nothing to hide.


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

wow 30 years of that !!!!..............thats amazing. if he has nothing to hide then he will share all his passwords.
i have access to my hubby tablet and phone whenever i want


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Do you suspect that your husband is attracted to men? Serious question.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Great until 30 years ago? Sorry but I think the"good sex" ship has sailed.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

The wife and I share all password...no secrets.


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## Armywife2010 (Jan 22, 2013)

It sounds as though things have been on a downward spiral for years...and my question to you is why have you stayed in an unhappy marriage for so long?
I understand loving your husband but if he is unreceptive to your sexual and emotional needs..how much love can he have for you?
At some point you should both get to a point of total honesty with one another and really open up about your likes, dislikes, wants, needs, and expections. If this is not possible, then you are going to have to determine what you want your next 30 years to look like. I do not mean to be harsh in anyway but I do feel it is about time to focus on your needs.


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## Jim1980 (Jan 22, 2013)

Armywife2010 said:


> I understand loving your husband but if he is unreceptive to your sexual and emotional needs..how much love can he have for you?


:iagree:Sounds logical to me.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

NO NO NO, It is not in your head... 

The subconsciousness mind picks up on things that our conscious mind doesn't see (or doesn't want to see), hence the "gut feeling, people get.. If you think something is wrong, there is something wrong. 

Point is that your husband is hiding something!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

WHERE he could be touched? :scratchhead:
Hell when I'm horny it's like "touch me touch me touch me!!!" =/

I agree with others that he's obvious hiding something, taking nude pics of himself and not giving a good explanation for it, hiding passwords etc.


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## Monet19 (Jan 19, 2013)

Oh no! If he were my husband, I'd not want to sleep with him until he fessed up..and had a Dr appointment lined up..who knows where he's been! The guy is clearly showing signs of being a cheater. If you do have sex with him, please ask him to wear a condom.

The fact that he doesn't care about whether or not you sleep together regularly means he's getting his needs met elsewhere.

Also, his anger when you discovered his naked pics= defensiveness because he's hiding things from you.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

These would have been good questions to ask 30 years ago.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I believe there is something far more sinister than your average infidelity issue here. Just a hunch but OP you need to take some deliberate steps to get to the bottom of it.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

you have had your head in the sand for 30 years. although it may feel weird to rock the boat now, you deserve some answers and not this blameshifting when you ask questions, as if there is something wrong with you. He either has a porn addiction, or is gay, or is cheating, but he has some kind of big secret going on that seems normal to him, because that's what happens after 30 years - wrong becomes right and right becomes wrong.

Now that you've had enough of this, it's time to decide if you want to continue living with someone who you don't really completely know, and even if you did know, I don't think you'd like it. I think it's time to walk.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> I feel like a fool and like I have wasted my romantic and sexual self on someone who has been living a secret life throughout our entire marriage.


Harsh, but true: You HAVE wasted your romantic and sexual self on someone who was NOT INTERESTED in it.

He is lying. He is sending SOMEONE pictures of his junk (website, particular person, etc.). He doesn't care about YOU. He doesn't care about YOUR FEELINGS. He doesn't care about YOUR NEEDS. And he hasn't cared for 30 YEARS.

You knew 30 years ago that you made a bad deal, but you didn't want to have to face that you made a mistake marrying him. Then you became pregnant and didn't want to have to be a single parent to 3 children. So you took it. For 30 years, you took it.

If you continue to take it NOW, that is your decision. But you KNOW nothing will change. With all due respect to previous posters, WHY would you waste your time getting to the bottom of this? What will you do with the knowledge when you find out who/where he emails his 'junk' pictures? Will it make any difference? Will you have more 'understanding/acceptance' of whatever his deal is? Will it make you feel better (it might revolt you!)? My point is, KNOWING will do NOTHING for you; divorcing him and moving on with dignity, WILL do something for you.

*This:*


> Other than our sexual issues, he's a great guy, a good provider, and really fun to be with.


 *is a lie you tell yourself to excuse staying with him for 30 years. It is entirely NEGATED by this:*


> But, he used to spend hours in the bathroom where there were stacks of porn under the sink, and when we got internet service, he spent hours on the computer while I was alone and lonely in our bed. Then, I accidently found a disk from our digital camera with a lot of naked pictures he took of himself. He said they were for me, but they were over six months old and he had never shown them to me. Plus, he was very angry that I had found them. Also, the poses didn't look like something he would send me. Now, he has a cell phone and I-pad, both with passwords he won't share with me.


Decision time: Knowingly/willingly put up with this the rest of your life (in which case you need to quit complaining because you will have exerted your 'free will' to stay) OR get a divorce and live the rest of your life without rejection and deceit.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I agree with the part where you're 30 years too late. He is who he is and you've said with your inaction that it's okay with you.


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