# Is my husband gay?



## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

Okay. I need a little advice from the guys! My husband and I separated a while ago but now he wants to work it out ... but I am worried that he is gay and just hiding behind me. After we separated I was on the computer and I found out he'd been on several gay "hook-up" sites ( with very specific descriptions of sexual things he would do to other men) and he had even responded to a gay personal ad. I can't say if he followed through on it but to me this says he's gay, plain and simple. Yet, when I confronted him, he said he was just "screwing with people's heads"???? Anyway, I'm holding back on working things out because I think he has a big something to work out for himself! ...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He's gay enough.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Being gay is one thing. But “Screwing with people's heads” is something totally different. That’s if his given reason for looking at gay sites is true and not just a smoke screen.

Taken literally “Screwing with people's heads” is a big sign of a personality disorder and quite a serious one at that.

Spare time is valuable stuff used for healthy creative activities plus many others. Screwing with people’s heads isn’t one of them.

Bob


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## Quicksand (Sep 20, 2010)

He may just be bi-sexual. Gay implies he only likes men.

And even if he's convinced himself he's just messing with them for luls, it's because he has gay urges AND he's homophobic and won't admit it to himself. So he's playing out gay fantasies that "don't really count".


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

sorry i know you are looking for answers from guys, but, i had to chime in..

being gay there is no gray area, either you are or you are not? just like being bi, either you are or not? there really is no inbetween, well, unless you are bi, but that is different because you like both...

as for the whole "messing with their heads" it is all together possible that that is all he as doing? my hubby use to do things like that on other websites, but, i was there when he did it, and that is what he was doing, just messing with their heads, it does not mean there is something wrong with him.. the thing you need to remember, is the internet is FULL OF BS people, you can pretend to be anything/anyone you want. Hek, i pretend to be someone else all the time on "those sites" is it wrong? maybe, but, the way i see it, is that we are all human and we are all going to do stuff?

Now, if he does act on those things, like meets up with the guy and does things and you find out then that is a whole different story. but, right now i would not worry to much about it.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I would suggest:

(a) he bisexual
(b) while you were separated he "scratched the itch" (he had sex with a guy, out of curiosity or need)
(c) if you are interested in reconciliation, you both need to see marriage counselors
(d) he needs to see an individual counselor to make sure he really isn't gay and marriage would be a waste for both of you
(e) you both should be tested for STD's


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

misspuppy said:


> being gay there is no gray area, either you are or you are not?


I'd go further and say that bi is a gray area that doesn't exist. It's just gays that are trying to adapt in a straight world. 

I'll tell you one thing, its more than just messing w/ peoples heads. He's definitely looking. And if those very descriptive things he wrote about involved anything with his mouth, he's gay. NO straight man wants to put an erect penis in their mounths. None.

Were there other indications before you saw the websites or did that truly come out of the blue?


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## JHELP (Aug 29, 2010)

Sorry but sure sounds like he is gay.Being a man I don't get the bi thing and if you are interested in another guy then guess what you are 99.9% for sure a homosexual. Nothing wrong with that but I think that is pretty straight forward for me.


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I can't say their were any other indications. It was pretty out of the blue. I mean, he really does seem to like women. But whatever this is ... it seems really off to me. He doesn't seem homophobic either. he has gay friends and seems as at ease with them as with his straight friends.


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## Quicksand (Sep 20, 2010)

I didn't necessarily mean "I hate ****" kind of homophobic. A better relay of what I mean.

I have a relative who was very much unaware that she had a Native American ancestor(great grandmother). She never had a problem with non-white people and had at least a few friends that weren't(I live in a pretty white area, so that's normal). However, upon finding out about this Indian great-grandmother she "did some research" on-line and discovered that she was not in fact Indian at all! She was German. She still insists this is true, even after her parents telling her she's wrong(her mother obviously met the woman many times).
The woman lived on a reservation. We have pictures of her. She's clearly not German.

She was fine with *other* people being not white. She was fine being friends with them. But the thought that she wasn't totally white was something she couldn't accept. 

This may be the case with your husband. He's bi, and he's okay with other people being gay/bi. But *he's* not like that.


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