# Effects of threesomes on marriage/relationship



## J.R.Jefferis

One topic that has caught my attention lately in this forum is that of couples that are married or in a long-term relationship considering introducing a third person into their own sexual activity, many times to fulfill a fantasy of one or both partners. I have my own personal theories about what kind of effect this activity can have on a marriage/relationship, but none of this is based on any real empirical evidence or information from couples that have opened themselves up to this. Therefore, I am curious to hear some real life experiences from couples that have actually taken this leap in their relationship. Specifically, was the overall effect on your relationship positive or negative? How has your sex life been since having a threesome? Better? Worse?

Thank you in advance for anything that would help me form a more informed opinion on the matter.

JR


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## Hope1964

Hubby and I threw the idea around before we were married, mostly something he dreamed up, but we both agree now that if we had gone through with it we wouldn't be together today. He still harbours the fantasy (what guy doesn't??) but is smart enough to keep it just a fantasy.


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## Aristotle

I believe the last study I read said 1.6 - 6% of marriages are open, which includes having a threesome or adding a person to your bedroom. 92% of those marriages end in divorce.

In otherwords, a threesome almost certainly will end your marriage. Don't do it.


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## Amplexor

*Bad Plan*


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## sandc

We did a full swap once with another couple. Does that count? If so let me know I can give you more info. The fact that it was only once should tell you something.

Yes, we're still married.


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## J.R.Jefferis

sandc said:


> We did a full swap once with another couple. Does that count? If so let me know I can give you more info. The fact that it was only once should tell you something.
> 
> Yes, we're still married.


Yes, that is similar to a threesome. Would love to hear what effect it had on your relationship.


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## sandc

I had the same fantasies that a lot of guys have. I wanted to see my wife with another man. It took literally years to get her to the point of where she would consider this. She loved the bedroom talk but wanted it to stay as just a fantasy. I talked her into going to a swinger's club at one point and we went and met a really nice couple. Over the period of a month we started chatting with this couple together and seperately. That was the fun part. It was like dating again. She and I both enjoyed this. Being able to flirt and talk sexy to other people was just plain fun.

We finally arranged to get together to do a full swap at a local hotel. We were both nervous. Anyway, we swapped partners and made out and had sex. The threesome part is pertinent because at one point all three of us were pleasuring my wife. My wife actually did enjoy this. She loved being the center of all the attention and so many, um, parts of her being pleasured simultaneously was VERY enjoyable to her. It was the only time during the evening that she had an orgasm.

So, why didn't we ever do it again? Well first off, the sex wasn't all that great. I had definately had better sex with my wife than this very attractive woman provided. And she was going all out to try to make me feel good. It just wasn't as good. Same for my wife. We had spent years learning how to make each other feel good, it was kind of devastating for us to realize that no one else could make us feel that way.

Secondly, we felt very guilty about what had happened. We both felt used and dirty afterwards. Even me, the horny guy. I felt dirty. I know what that feels like now. My wife regressed sexually because of the guilt she felt. She didn't want to have those fantasies any longer. She didn't want any toys or anything but me to touch her for years after that.

Lastly, although we dodged the STD bullet, she ended up with the mother of all yeast infections. At one point we thought it was herpes but tests showed it was just a bad yeast infection. So bad that I caught it too! But for a week or so we were trying to figure out how we were going to live with herpes for the rest of our lives.

It has taken almost 10 years but we are in the best of all places. I lost some of her trust that day. I think she wanted me to jealously guard her sexually all our lives and I let her down that day. I gave her to another man and it took her a long time to forgive me for that. It took even longer for her to forgive herself for allowing herself to be given over to another man for his own sexual gratification. She told me she felt I didn't value her enought to keep her for myself. She's right. I didn't. She has finally forgiven herself and I and we are now in a very strong place. I have reassured her that she is a treasure beyond price. She now enjoys threesome fantasies again, fantasies involving other men, etc. But only because I have reassured her that she is mine and I won't allow another man to touch her. She apparently desires that kind of reassurance.

What also helped her is me ultimately getting to the bottom of what was driving me to try to share her. For me it was to try to get her to open up sexually. To have no-holds barred, raw, passionate sex with me. She would always tell me she enjoyed sex with me and she gave me sex whenever I wanted, and even initiated occasionally. But I just wasn't feeling what I wanted from her. I began to think that maybe I just didn't turn her on. I thought that maybe another man could unlock that inner vixen. That if another man mad her feel sexy then I would get to reap the rewards. I just never felt good enough for her. For me, that was the root of trying to get her to bed other men.

It has only been within the last year that our sex life has really taken off. It was several deep heartfelt disucssions I had with her about this that she really opened up. Who knew that deep, emotional sharing, tears from me even, was one of her love languages? I told her I needed to feel that she loved me, all of me, wanted all of me. The night ended with an amazing blowjob. Who knew that was one of my love languages? Well, I guess I knew that.

So we did the whole extra marrital sex thing. Do we wish we had not done it? Well, yes and no. Yes because it really goes against our core values. No because although it is a scar on our marriage, when our marriage healed it was so much stronger. We had tasted others, screwed ourselves up, realized we were all we wanted, and healed... together. I guess for both of us sex isn't just sex.

Your mileage may vary. Thanks for reading.


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## 40isthenew20

Having two women at once is my (and every other guy's) fantasy, but I have to be honest and admit that if it ever happened with my wife and I, it would become a major distraction. 

I suppose that if it ever came up, I would roll the dice due to it probably never happening again (and I would hang myself if I turned it down), but I know that I would live to regret it. 

It's different if you're dating someone, but the mother of your children is another category entirely.


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## J.R.Jefferis

Thanks sadc for the very interesting experience of yours. I hope more people can share their own real-life experiences and what effect they had on their relationship or marriage.

JR


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## trey69

J.R.Jefferis said:


> One topic that has caught my attention lately in this forum is that of couples that are married or in a long-term relationship considering introducing a third person into their own sexual activity, many times to fulfill a fantasy of one or both partners. I have my own personal theories about what kind of effect this activity can have on a marriage/relationship, but none of this is based on any real empirical evidence or information from couples that have opened themselves up to this. Therefore, I am curious to hear some real life experiences from couples that have actually taken this leap in their relationship. Specifically, was the overall effect on your relationship positive or negative? How has your sex life been since having a threesome? Better? Worse?
> 
> Thank you in advance for anything that would help me form a more informed opinion on the matter.
> 
> JR



Are you looking to try it? Or is this book based? Sounds like a book or research paper in the making.


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## J.R.Jefferis

trey69 said:


> Are you looking to try it? Or is this book based? Sounds like a book or research paper in the making.


Yes it is more for my own research as an aspiring marriage counselor. As for trying it, it is certainly something I would have like to have tried back in my college days, had I had the opportunity. But I don't think I would want me and my wife to try something like this. Unless of course someone here convinces me otherwise...but I doubt that will happen 

JR


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## sandc

The problem with a threesome in my view is that you have to objectify the third party or else approach it as a polyamorous relationship. You basically either turn the third party into a living breathing vibrator, or you make them part of your relationship. I don't want a third party as part of my marriage and it's not fair to treat the other person like an object to be used for our gratification. Most guys won't care but I do.


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## floxie

My husband and i had a threesome both prior to and after getting married. I would say it impacted our relationship negatively for sure. The other person was a woman and ever since it happened, my husband is very uncomfortable with me having female friends. He's also uncomfortable with me having male friends but i understand that. It just sort of sucks because i feel like i'm not really "allowed" to have any friends now. Which is tough because I'm ill and would really love a support group of girlfriends that i could talk to on my "bad days". 

I don't think that threesomes are good for a marriage if either person is already dealing with insecurities or feels unsafe in the relationship.

My husband and i do go to a swingers club when we're feeling frisky or daring. But we only play with one another and i think that's much better.


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## sandc

SeaMaiden said:


> Sandc's story is eye opening. And I can sort of relate to your wife's regression sexually, although my situation is not the same. In a nutshell my current husband used to swing with his ex wife, for 5 years of their marriage, and he didn't tell me about this until recently, which pushed me into a regressive state sexually - all the things we had experimented with, talked about, teased about, all of that went out the window and I froze up. I'm slowly coming out of it, but it's hard.
> 
> I know for me that a threesome or swinging in a marriage would be the death of the marriage. But I relate sex to emotions, always have, always will, and I'd feel jealousy that he might have emotions for whatever woman he was with. It's not something I could entertain, but I guess it works for some couples.


I think you are in the majority of women SeaMaiden. I wish I could find the woman on Experience Project who left her husband for the man her husband wanted her to "date." It's a great cautionary story for men who want to make these fantasies become reality. The woman needed to feel a deep emotional connection in order to enjoy the sex she was having with the man her husband picked. She went about building that emotional connection and then left her husband. My wife also needs to feel a deep emotional connection in order to enjoy sex. This is just one of many reasons we will not be doing this again. I could allow her to enjoy sex with others, but I could never EVER share her heart. That would crush me.

We found a win-win compromise for both of us. We bought an ultra-realistic toy. It was molded from some porn star's d!ck. It looks and feels like the real thing. That way I get the visual of her being penetrated by another man, she gets to feel what another man feels like inside her... all without another man. We can now do threesome role play without any of the threesome guilt or baggage and without violating our morals either.


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## costa200

The only way i see a threesome as a positive thing is when there is absolutely no strong emotions on it. As in no partners have a serious relationship with each other and do it just for the sexual fun. IMO, a marriage that needs a threesome is already dying out.


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## Jeff/BC

J.R.Jefferis said:


> Thanks sadc for the very interesting experience of yours. I hope more people can share their own real-life experiences and what effect they had on their relationship or marriage.JR


Did it with a previous wife. The effect on the marriage was negligible. It was an interesting thing which I filed under the category of "more fun in fantasy than real life". Overall I'm glad I had the experience.

In my current marriage with Carol we have not done a threesome, poly, swinging or anything else involving another person sexually but it's an option that I'm exploring. Our marriage is "alternative" enough that my thoughts on it wouldn't make much sense in the framework you're thinking about it.


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## CondorTX19

I had threesomes with my late wife on numerous occasions. We had FMF and MFM the later more than the former. It was just about sex and feeling good. One of the problems that did come up was the idea that the other guy would want to get my wife alone at a later time and have sex with her behind my back. It was almost a challenge for one in particular guy. It seems that once a guy has had sex with a woman he seems to think that he has some sort of control over or right to that lady afterwards. My wife and I always kept each other informed when this would occur. One way around this would be to stay away from people that you know. She even had one tell her that he would never share her if he was her husband, hoping to steal her away I guess. Funny thing is she enjoyed it as much as I did. Our relationship was strong as ever when I lost her to cancer at the age of 33. Boy can things in your life ever change fast. My current wife is much more conservative and would never consider a three way. Probably best that way. Don’t need guys showing up while I am at work to just be friendly with my wife? Oh wait that has happened anyway. Still didn’t get him anywhere with current wife. It is Easier for a lady to deny a guy when she hasn’t had sex with him before.


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## DDC

J.R.Jefferis said:


> One topic that has caught my attention lately in this forum is that of couples that are married or in a long-term relationship considering introducing a third person into their own sexual activity, many times to fulfill a fantasy of one or both partners. I have my own personal theories about what kind of effect this activity can have on a marriage/relationship, but none of this is based on any real empirical evidence or information from couples that have opened themselves up to this. Therefore, I am curious to hear some real life experiences from couples that have actually taken this leap in their relationship. Specifically, was the overall effect on your relationship positive or negative? How has your sex life been since having a threesome? Better? Worse?
> 
> Thank you in advance for anything that would help me form a more informed opinion on the matter.
> 
> JR


Based upon married friends who have done this it's turned out to be negative in every single case - even when both parties both wanted it (not just one spouse pressuring the spouse into it). 

YMMV.

Would never dream of it. Had plenty of opportunities for threesomes when I was younger and passed. Do not regret doing so. Just not my cup of tea - and I'm definitely no prude.


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## JayandEllie

My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again. 

It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman. 

Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!


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## chaos

JayandEllie said:


> My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.
> 
> It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.
> 
> Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!


Jay you need to have your wife read this post. If she truly cares about you, she needs to know that her actions are telling you otherwise. She's got to realize that resentment is brewing up inside you and that if it continues to grow, then the marriage may have its days numbered.


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## PBear

JayandEllie said:


> My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.
> 
> It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.
> 
> Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!


What do I think? I think that unless you want to be sitting in the corner playing with yourself, allowing another man to take control of your sex life is very risky. 

My GF of 18 months and I have had a few experiences with other people. The first time was the "roughest" due to the combination of people, but we talked it out after, and in the end, I think we came out of it closer because of the communication. It showed us that we can talk about things that seem like they might be painful or uncomfortable and deal with it. We've had other experiences since then, and they've been fun. 

It's not something we do all the time, and the fantasy is included whenever we like. All in all, this feels MUCH healthier than the vanilla pudding sex life with my STBXW because I know I can share with my GF without concern of being judged, and she's the same. I attribute a lot of that to the way our relationship started... We started as a "NSA" situation (not even as friends), so we had no fears of losing them. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

JayandEllie said:


> My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.
> 
> It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.
> 
> Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!


I think you are seeing you wife replacing your spot a alpha with this new guy.

There is NOTHING he should be allowed to do that you are denied. NOTHING. The alpha always gets everything.

And now you see him pushing you aside and taking firsts.

And she's allowed it. 

I hope you've got the guts and the rule of if either of you veto a partner - then they go in the swinging rules you are living by, because this guy is crossing many boundaries and she's let him.

You sir are now being demoted by your wife and him to 2nd place and him as alpha.

You need to dump him as a partner, he's shown his true colors and even if you talk to him/her, he and she will continue to push the boundaries again.

Even if you dump - fully expect that he will try to hookup with your wife behind your back. And there is good chance she will let him, since she's already letting him do things she won't let you do.

You're right now on very dangerous ground.


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## Shaggy

JayAndElle - 

I think the fact that she restricts what you can do , but the other guy has no boundaries from her. He gets more even you do meet, and she now wants a gang bang....

dude - you ain't enough for her, and it's very clear you are being down graded to someone she has to have sex with because you are married - but you aren't someone she wants to have sex with.


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## Entropy3000

JayandEllie said:


> My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.
> 
> It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.
> 
> Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!


So this is a great example of a full blown cuckold situation / fantasy. You enjoy being humliated.


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## Shaggy

Entropy3000 said:


> So this is a great example of a full blown cuckold situation / fantasy. You enjoy being humliated.


Yeah especially the bareback. Next she'll be having his children.


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## Maricha75

Shaggy said:


> Yeah especially the bareback. Next she'll be having his children.


Of course... and passing them off as the husband's. Wait, then it'll come back that either he's had a vasectomy or is just plain unable to have children. I actually expect the vasectomy tho. I know of a guy who was in this situation...cuckold, she had regular lovers, he wasn't allowed. Sounds so familiar it's a bit scary. They split up for other reasons...except I recall him mentioning once that he didn't think it fair that she wouldn't allow him to have any lovers. And, he believed she only kept hers to make him happy. Weird.


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## JayandEllie

Hey guys thanks for all your comments. Let me see if I can set some things straight. My wife has had an hysterectomy so she can't have anymore kids. As for the boundaries.....I like that she'll do more than she says....and we have done some of the stuff described. However my biggest problem with it all is that she has allowed him more leeway to do such things. And no I don't think I'm being replaced....we have some of the best sex on our own too...one thing she's let me do that he never will is a***. If it came to that then I'd know for sure something is up! Also it's not that she won't let me have another woman but that she's overly picky of whom I f*** and doesn't put as much effort into chatting with a couple as opposed to another guy.

Marchica75: we did get into swinging by my request...and it has been a fantasy of mine to see her with another guy. And she has said that very thing "I'm doing it for you!".


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## zsu234

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zsu234

I see divorce in your future
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

Me and my wife tried having a threesome, but the batteries were dead.

Make no mistake it felt empowering being the alpha male when the third party couldn't perfom. haha everready bunny!


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## Phenix70

JayandEllie said:


> Hey guys thanks for all your comments. Let me see if I can set some things straight. My wife has had an hysterectomy so she can't have anymore kids. As for the boundaries.....I like that she'll do more than she says....and we have done some of the stuff described. However my biggest problem with it all is that she has allowed him more leeway to do such things. And no I don't think I'm being replaced....we have some of the best sex on our own too...one thing she's let me do that he never will is a***. If it came to that then I'd know for sure something is up! *Also it's not that she won't let me have another woman but that she's overly picky of whom I f*** and doesn't put as much effort into chatting with a couple as opposed to another guy.*
> Marchica75: we did get into swinging by my request...and it has been a fantasy of mine to see her with another guy. And she has said that very thing "I'm doing it for you!".


There's your answer, this is all about what your wife wants, as she is showing you that she cares more about the men she fcks, then finding another woman for you.
That's pretty selfish & very one sided.
I wonder what her reaction would be if you were to seek out another woman or couple for the two of you to have sex with. 
Or even better, asked Mr. Can Do Whatever He Wants To My Wife if he knew a woman he could bring into the mix & watch to see if your wife got jealous when he had sex with the other woman. 
Her reaction to him having sex with someone else would tell you all you needed to know.


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## J.R.Jefferis

Thanks everyone for all the input...it is very enlightening!


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## arbitrator

Threesomes? For an old goat like me, a threesome is the last thing I need. Now, I only consider myself doing good if I could successfully handle a twosome!

The only good thing about a threesome for someone like me? Well, I would have to give the credit to the late and great *Rodney Dangerfield* who said: "The only real benefit in having a threesome at my age is that when I fall asleep, they'll, at least, have each other to talk to!"


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## sandc

JayandEllie said:


> Marchica75: we did get into swinging by my request...and it has been a fantasy of mine to see her with another guy. And she has said that very thing "I'm doing it for you!".


Tell her it no longer excites you. Ask her to call OM and tell him it's over. Make sure you're there when she does. She'll not want to stop though.


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## Shaggy

JayandEllie said:


> Hey guys thanks for all your comments. Let me see if I can set some things straight. My wife has had an hysterectomy so she can't have anymore kids. As for the boundaries.....I like that she'll do more than she says....and we have done some of the stuff described. However my biggest problem with it all is that she has allowed him more leeway to do such things. And no I don't think I'm being replaced....we have some of the best sex on our own too...one thing she's let me do that he never will is a***. If it came to that then I'd know for sure something is up! Also it's not that she won't let me have another woman but that she's overly picky of whom I f*** and doesn't put as much effort into chatting with a couple as opposed to another guy.
> 
> Marchica75: we did get into swinging by my request...and it has been a fantasy of mine to see her with another guy. And she has said that very thing "I'm doing it for you!".


And what will you actually do when she allows him to take her A$$$$ ? 

Since she's restricted you play time, yet she pushing her own freedom and boundaries it's pretty clear you are being replaced and your sexuality is a lower importance than hers and her so called freedom.

Look he's now established his right to bareback her, and she is now seeking out gangbangs. There is nothing about you in either of those - it's 100% about her and the other men. You are reduced to nothing more than the guy who drives her home, pays the bills, and hopes he might get some, while she is getting anything and everything she wants on her terms.

I'm not trying to taunt you, but I am trying to make you see the situation for what it is.


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## lalsr1988

All you men out there that fantasize about other men f*****g your wives need some serious therapy. All you men that let other men f**k your wives might as well remove your penis. It is the epitome of being a beta and is absolutely disgusting. You have no business being married and are an embarrassment for every natural hot blooded male. Where is your strength? Where is your honor? Where is your manhood? oh right, you don't have any.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

lalsr1988 said:


> All you men out there that fantasize about other men f*****g your wives need some serious therapy. All you men that let other men f**k your wives might as well remove your penis. It is the epitome of being a beta and is absolutely disgusting. You have no business being married and are an embarrassment for every natural hot blooded male. Where is your strength? Where is your honor? Where is your manhood? oh right, you don't have any.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't hold back so much, dude. Let us know how you really feel!

C


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## CondorTX19

lalsr1988 said:


> All you men out there that fantasize about other men f*****g your wives need some serious therapy. All you men that let other men f**k your wives might as well remove your penis. It is the epitome of being a beta and is absolutely disgusting. You have no business being married and are an embarrassment for every natural hot blooded male. Where is your strength? Where is your honor? Where is your manhood? oh right, you don't have any.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lalsr1988, I bet you are one of the types of men that control their wife (if you have one) in all aspects of her life. I bet your wife or girlfriend, fanaticizes about F*&&*#( another man while she is having sex with you. LOL.


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## lalsr1988

Trying to make it personal Condor lol? Yes I am married, yes I wear the pants in my marriage. If she does fantasies about other men then its a well kept secret and there is nothing I can do about it is there? But I sure as hell would never knowingly allow her to have sex with another man while she is married to me or encourage it. She is MY woman just like I am HER man. not for sharing. disgusting. Behaviour like that must be some with of mental disease.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ndleje

I am yet to hear of the positive impact of the threesome, swinging or whatever it's called. I made up my mind years ago" I will never do it" if the wife decide to venture there. It would simply mean I am failing somehow to satisfy her.


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## CondorTX19

I think you are the one that made it personal by your initial comments. I have to agree thou, I would not let another man have his way with my wife either. Did that back in a previous marriage as describe above, and defiantly would not do it again? Doesn’t mean that we don’t fanaticize about it from time to time, esp. if it turns the wife on. Doesn’t make us sicko’s!! I think everyone has a little mental illness of some type. LOL!! I just don’t feel the need to point it out.


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## JayandEllie

Well guys....all very interesting comments. Let me address some of those comments. It's not that I don't do it for her sexually....or that we're trying to replace each other for that matter....and I don't feel like less . We've actually both had a great time with our threesomes....all I want now is for it to be fair....and for me to get the same strange that she's now become accustomed to. We currently have a couple that is interested in us....and my wife has even agreed to some BI play on her part to make it easier for us to even get a couple. Now my only concern is that the couple will want to play with her and not me. And will she allow that to happen at some point! I do fully believe my wife when she says that she would stop having other guys come over if I wanted it that way. For now though they are not coming over till I get some too....that we both agreed on!

lalsr1988: I don't think it's disgusting to have a threesome....and just because another guy gets to **** her doesn't make me a beta. We have also discussed this and my wife didn't know that him being first bugged me....so now he's 2nd every time! I was married to another some time ago....13yrs and at the end we were down to having sex once a week and that's it.....in this marriage though we're every 3 days (more sometimes)....so swinging for the most part has worked for us. The thing I find about swinging is that you can never become bored of the same ol' sex with your partner (inevitably sex gets less and less the longer a couple is together).....but that's with the provision that it's fair on both sides.....something we're rectifying. Thanks for your comment though!


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## lalsr1988

Why would you even fantasize about your wife wanting another man?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch

*Oh, oh great, another threesome thread. 

I can't wait to tell my wife what I learned on the forum toda*y


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## JayandEllie

lalsr1988: I fantasize about it for the very same reason I fantasize about f****** another woman....it's taboo...so it's Hot! It's not that we're trying to replace each other but more to keep the spark going in the many years to come. With the exception of this little hiccup everything seems to be working. But to each his\her own....what floats my boat is not the same for everyone. But....it keeps our marriage from becoming stale.....forever!


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## Caribbean Man

This is a pretty interesting thread.
Well, I have posted before that threesomes and swinging are not for married people IMO.
I have had a FMF threesome already before I was married and it was wild.
One of the persons involved was a " friend" and the other was a friend of hers. No hard feelings there.
But within a marriage deep feelings are shared ,and jealousy is often one of them.


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## lalsr1988

I just could never fantasize about my wife with another man and do not see how any husband could. That's your wife!


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## Maricha75

lalsr1988 said:


> I just could never fantasize about my wife with another man and do not see how any husband could. That's your wife!


But see, that's what's inside YOUR mind. YOU couldn't imagine that. Some men can. I can't imagine my husband with another woman. I'd get pissed off if I did. But, regardless of all that, some things are fantasy. I mean, I couldn't even fathom being with another man. But there are/have been times when I fantasized about it. And, I am quite certain my husband has fantasized about other women at one time or another. However, it doesn't mean I would ever TELL him of those fantasies. Why would I? What good could possibly come from that? Same with him telling me. Some things should remain in the mind, not acted out. But, just because SOME men fantasize about it doesn't mean they are wrong. It is THEIR fantasies, not yours, not mine. If that is what they like to think about it, how is it right that we judge them for fantasizing? :scratchhead:


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## nandosbella

my hubs and i have talked about it in dirty talk... it's already negatively affected our relationship.


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## one_strange_otter

I wouldn't share a spouse. If your single and the other participants are single (like a party that turns raunchy) then why the hell not? The problem is emotions. If you just met at a party and it's just sex then there's no problem. (unless you equate sex with love then it's a problem.) If your single and it's a couple then realize they may very well end up divorced over you screwing his wife in front of him so if you can live with that then by all means, they asked for it. But they might have been swinging for years and it's all fun and games and your lucky number 12 or something to dogpile his wife (who keep in mind may have let numbers 2, 5, 9, and 10 go bareback) then by all means again, go for it.

Basically, it won't hurt your relationship until it does. And you won't know what happened until she's off with her new human vibrator and your at home paying the bills and raising the kids.


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## sandc

Maricha75 said:


> But see, that's what's inside YOUR mind. YOU couldn't imagine that. Some men can. I can't imagine my husband with another woman. I'd get pissed off if I did. But, regardless of all that, some things are fantasy. I mean, I couldn't even fathom being with another man. But there are/have been times when I fantasized about it. And, I am quite certain my husband has fantasized about other women at one time or another. However, it doesn't mean I would ever TELL him of those fantasies. Why would I? What good could possibly come from that? Same with him telling me. Some things should remain in the mind, not acted out. But, just because SOME men fantasize about it doesn't mean they are wrong. It is THEIR fantasies, not yours, not mine. If that is what they like to think about it, how is it right that we judge them for fantasizing? :scratchhead:


My wife and I started sharing these fantasies. We like to narrate our fantasies to each other during sex. She fantasizes about other men, I fantasize about other women. We talk about it during or afterwards. It's part of us sharing ourselves with each other. 

I used to be insanely jealous of my wife. I couldn't understand why anyone would share their wives either. I would become almost enraged even thinking about it. I started researching these cuckholds and the hotwife lifestyle trying to understand it. Over time it started to become a turnon for me to think about it. Not sure when it happened but it did. After even more time I told my wife I fantasized about her with another man and suddenly sex got magnitudes better.

Fact is, my wife really gets turned on by fantasizing about sex with other men. She gets jealous thinking about me with other women. So, I keep quiet about my fantasies (unless she brings them up) and I narrate fantasies involving her and other men because it gets her so hot. I trust her because I know she has good real-life boundaries so I know she doesn't want these things for real. But if it spices up sex, why not?


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## Entropy3000

CondorTX19 said:


> Lalsr1988, I bet you are one of the types of men that control their wife (if you have one) in all aspects of her life. I bet your wife or girlfriend, fanaticizes about F*&&*#( another man while she is having sex with you. LOL.


Controlling. LOL. Hilarious.

A husband who will not be cuckolded ... controlling. Awesome. 

By this definition then certainly a healthy male would need to be controlling then. Coolness.


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## Plan 9 from OS

JayandEllie said:


> Well guys....all very interesting comments. Let me address some of those comments. It's not that I don't do it for her sexually....or that we're trying to replace each other for that matter....and I don't feel like less . We've actually both had a great time with our threesomes....all I want now is for it to be fair....and for me to get the same strange that she's now become accustomed to. We currently have a couple that is interested in us....and my wife has even agreed to some BI play on her part to make it easier for us to even get a couple. Now my only concern is that the couple will want to play with her and not me. And will she allow that to happen at some point! I do fully believe my wife when she says that she would stop having other guys come over if I wanted it that way. For now though they are not coming over till I get some too....that we both agreed on!
> 
> lalsr1988: I don't think it's disgusting to have a threesome....and just because another guy gets to **** her doesn't make me a beta. We have also discussed this and my wife didn't know that him being first bugged me....so now he's 2nd every time! I was married to another some time ago....13yrs and at the end we were down to having sex once a week and that's it.....in this marriage though we're every 3 days (more sometimes)....so swinging for the most part has worked for us. The thing I find about swinging is that you can never become bored of the same ol' sex with your partner (inevitably sex gets less and less the longer a couple is together).....but that's with the provision that it's fair on both sides.....something we're rectifying. Thanks for your comment though!


Hmmm, I see some backtracking here. Anyways, if you choose to live in a world that defies reality, then so be it. But IMO, your wife is now just telling you what you want to hear. I believe that this other man is your wife's preferred sex partner over you considering 1) she enjoyed having him go first, 2) she does it with him at a higher frequency than you and 3) she lets him do more to her than she lets you. 

My predictions: 1) Within the year, your wife will hook up with this other guy without you being around at least once, but I expect it will be much more than that. 2) It's going to take awhile before you get "your turn" to have a woman pleasing you. I wouldn't hold my breath.

Finally, I think you are already fooling yourself into liking the swinging lifestyle. What I see is that deep down your instincts are telling you the right things and you are feeling insecure because your wife doesn't appreciate the boundaries by making this other guy the alpha in your threesome. Also, look at what you typed about this possibility with the couple. You are already afraid that the couple will want to play with the wife and leave you out of it. 

C'mon man, do some deep soul searching. This lifestyle is not for you. You don't have the mindset for it really, and you're already worried about losing your wife to strangers. Thankfully, I think you are beginning to wake up and you will realize that you've made a mistake with swinging. Unfortunately, I think you'll have to divorce and get married to someone else before you'll be truly happy again - without any more swinging. Sorry, but those are my opinions on this. Good luck.


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## sandc

P9FOS is right. You need to get out. Quit trying to do mental gymnastics to convince yourself that you really like the lifestyle. It's okay not to like it. It's okay to have exclusive sexual rights to your wife. It's okay to demand the same of her. 

He will try to steal her away from you. I know, I know, you trust her. But do you trust him? Do that deep soul searching and ask yourself if you're happier now that you're swinging. But then, you're really not swinging are you? She is.

I tried that lifestyle and then left it because it just wasn't for my wife and I. You need to really think, REALLY.... THINK.... about whether this lifestyle is for you. Not weather you wife likes it, or her boyfriend likes it, but YOU.


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## Shaggy

I wouldn't call it backtracking - I'd call it denial.


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## Shaggy

I thought one of the core rules for success in such open marriages/swinging lifestyles was that if one of partners pushed boundaries - got to possessive - tried to take charge - that they should be instantly dumped.

just because you are willing to share your wife with these men, doesn't mean for a minute they believe in sharing their women with other men. A lot of guys will get possessive about your wife, thinking that once they're having her you've got to go.

They view your sharing your wife as evidence that you aren't man enough for her, and that she is open and willing to upgrade.


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## Phenix70

JayandEllie said:


> Well guys....all very interesting comments. Let me address some of those comments. It's not that I don't do it for her sexually....or that we're trying to replace each other for that matter....and I don't feel like less . We've actually both had a great time with our threesomes....all I want now is for it to be fair....and for me to get the same strange that she's now become accustomed to. We currently have a couple that is interested in us....and my wife has even agreed to some BI play on her part to make it easier for us to even get a couple. Now my only concern is that the couple will want to play with her and not me. And will she allow that to happen at some point! I do fully believe my wife when she says that she would stop having other guys come over if I wanted it that way. For now though they are not coming over till I get some too....that we both agreed on!
> 
> lalsr1988: I don't think it's disgusting to have a threesome....and just because another guy gets to **** her doesn't make me a beta. We have also discussed this and my wife didn't know that him being first bugged me....so now he's 2nd every time! I was married to another some time ago....13yrs and at the end we were down to having sex once a week and that's it.....in this marriage though we're every 3 days (more sometimes)....so swinging for the most part has worked for us. The thing I find about swinging is that you can never become bored of the same ol' sex with your partner (inevitably sex gets less and less the longer a couple is together).....but that's with the provision that it's fair on both sides.....something we're rectifying. Thanks for your comment though!


Jay,
Whose idea was it to start having threesomes, yours or hers?
Did either of you have to persuade the other to start?


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## ka1972

Don't do it. Mine is ending in divorce


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## russ101

I had fantasized about another man taking screwing my wife for years, and had kept the fantasy to myself. Then one day finally, I told her it was something I was interested in doing once. I wanted the other man to have sex with her while I watched, then let me have sex with her. She is very straight laced, and it took all the courage I had to even tell her. 
She then told me something that I had never known before. She did this with her first husband when she was very young and ended up screwing the other man behind her husbands back about 6 times, until she finally felt too guilty to continue. They ended up getting divorced a year or two later, but she says it was a combination of a lot of things and not just the 3 some. I wanted her to do this for me because she experienced it and I had not. 

She refused at first, but after a while, she grew weary of my asking and said ok, but just once. She even had a guy in mind (someone she used to work with, but had since moved to California). We set a date up, and after I went on this site and shared my thoughts, most here told me it was a bad idea and not to go through with it unless we had a very strong marriage and were both very secure people (we didn't have a strong marriage)
I told her I didn't want her to go through with it after all, and she was PISSED. She said she was too embarrased to tell him, and it was actually me that ended up talking to him and he seemed cool with it. I think my wife was actually looking forward to it, although she said she was only going to do this for me.

A couple of months later, she went on a business trip to California and she admitted to me that she did meet him (and others from her company) for dinner but that was all (I knew she had talked to him several times through phone records). I now have the feeling that she may have ended up hooking up with him and will never really know. It eats away at me, but I guess I asked for it.

I still fantasize about her doing other men in front of me, but it will probably always just be a fantasy. In my opinion, if a couple decides to go there, it should only be done if both parties want it, and are in a strong marriage, and the 3 party should be someone that the wife does not know, or can contact after the 3 some. There is too much temtation for them to hook up behind your back, and my wife already did it to her first husband. I think most couples should just leave it a fantasy.


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## sandc

Russ,
I think you're right. Your wife probably had more than dinner with the coworker. You've read enough on this site to know what trickle truth is right? Anyway, yours is a cautionary tale that I hope folks read and take to heart.


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## spudster

Russ101, I too think your wife hooked up with this man. She is an admitted past cheater. Cheaters never change unless they are forced to change, and it looks like she went straight from cheating to divorce with her first husband. 

Problem is you had a chance to prove it but that window of opportunity has passed. 

Keep an eye on her. She sounds like a manipulative user.


----------



## [email protected]

I'm glad I found this thread. First though, we have an unsteady relationship - we seem to go from one extreme to the other, things are fine next thing we are talking divorce.

We have not had the experience of a threesome, though do talk about it in the bedroom as a fantasy. I would like to see my wife with another woman. We have started discussing the rules too. We both agree that we would prefer someone we could make an emotional connection with.

This past weekend, we were at a bar with friends, and I thought we were taking one of her friends home with us. Both of them were pretty drunk, though my wife maybe more than the other woman. My wife and I got home and had sex, and she admitted how attracted she was to the other woman. Even made similar comments the next day when she was completely sober.

So, I'll have to read back thru the other posts here when I have time. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.


----------



## PBear

[email protected] said:


> I'm glad I found this thread. First though, we have an unsteady relationship - we seem to go from one extreme to the other, things are fine next thing we are talking divorce.
> 
> We have not had the experience of a threesome, though do talk about it in the bedroom as a fantasy. I would like to see my wife with another woman. We have started discussing the rules too. We both agree that we would prefer someone we could make an emotional connection with.
> 
> This past weekend, we were at a bar with friends, and I thought we were taking one of her friends home with us. Both of them were pretty drunk, though my wife maybe more than the other woman. My wife and I got home and had sex, and she admitted how attracted she was to the other woman. Even made similar comments the next day when she was completely sober.
> 
> So, I'll have to read back thru the other posts here when I have time. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.


Based on what you say of your relationship, I'd stay away from including someone else in your bed. I think including someone else rarely fixes problems in the relationship; it will usually magnify them. Since your relationship is unstable, it seems like a bad idea. And I say this as someone who has had threesomes, foursomes, been to sex clubs, and will likely repeat all of those behaviors. It's not for everyone or every relationship. Sometimes, it's best left as a fantasy.

C


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## fyrefox

Jay:

I fear for your relationship. Hope you listen to the others comments and discuss this "small hiccup" with your partner. Before you know it, you may lose her. Who knows, she may be gone already. 

Getting enjoyment from seeing your wife being pleased is one thing, but when she does things with him she wouldn't do with you, does it more frequently with him AND it makes you nervous/uncomfortable, this is an issue that should be discussed. She's already asking for more partners at the same time and you're afraid she's gonna cut you out of another couple you are trying to link with. It seems that you believe that if you start getting your own partners, then it will ease you feelings. But you really should be worried about losing your wife instead of looking to keep the score even. Even people who have a non-monogamous relationship would agree that this story does not seem like it will end well.


----------



## Kasler

Makes no sense to me. Another man touches my woman I'll fvcking kill him. 

Why on earth should douche bag be allowed to lay hands on your wife?

Suppose I'll never understand it.


----------



## heartsdelight

...I'm sorry, but I feel like the Jay/Ellie character is a bit trollish. I'm hesitant to bite into that at all. Is it just me?


----------



## jaharthur

anchorwatch said:


> *Oh, oh great, another threesome thread.
> 
> I can't wait to tell my wife what I learned on the forum toda*y


That picture isn't an example of a threesome. Is there such a thing as a twenty-threesome?


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## JayandEllie

heartsdelight said:


> ...I'm sorry, but I feel like the Jay/Ellie character is a bit trollish. I'm hesitant to bite into that at all. Is it just me?


Just read this now and am somewhat confused.....how are we trollish exactly? Doesn't sound like anything constructive at all.


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## kl84

When I first found out that this was a fantasy of my husband's.....

Ok....when my husband first vocalized this fantasy (most men have it lol), I was actually pretty hurt. He swore it was all about seeing a female please me..... but I know he wouldn't mind getting in a little action also. It just bothered me and I blew up. I lied and told him that I always had a fantasy of being with another man while he watched.... that ended his threesome talk pretty quickly.

Well, here we are a couple of years later and a little more open about sex. We were talking about fantasies again and it got brought up....again. I can understand why this would be a fantasy of his and ya know, in porn, it looks pretty hot. But this is something I could never actually go through with and I explained to him why. But even though it is just a fantasy of his, the thought that he would dive right into it if I threw the offer at him just bothers the hell out of me. Even knowing what it could do to our marriage, I know if I told him I was game, I wouldn't even have to talk him into it.

He even brought up letting a woman record him and I having sex. Just anything to get another woman in there. Men? Off limits. I just push it aside and tell myself it's just a fantasy but it really, really bothers me.

No, this is a fantasy of his I would never fulfill.


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## heartsdelight

JayandEllie said:


> Just read this now and am somewhat confused.....how are we trollish exactly? Doesn't sound like anything constructive at all.


You've only posted rather explicit responses (meaning a lot of what you're saying you're either *** or it's being censored by the forum and you aren't considerate enough to use better language), you steered the thread topic to your own problem instead of posting a new thread, and you've only posted in this thread. It seemed suspicious. At the very least, its not polite forum behavior. But I'm happy to be proven wrong.


----------



## sandc

kl84 said:


> When I first found out that this was a fantasy of my husband's.....
> 
> Ok....when my husband first vocalized this fantasy (most men have it lol), I was actually pretty hurt. He swore it was all about seeing a female please me..... but I know he wouldn't mind getting in a little action also. It just bothered me and I blew up. I lied and told him that I always had a fantasy of being with another man while he watched.... that ended his threesome talk pretty quickly.
> 
> Well, here we are a couple of years later and a little more open about sex. We were talking about fantasies again and it got brought up....again. I can understand why this would be a fantasy of his and ya know, in porn, it looks pretty hot. But this is something I could never actually go through with and I explained to him why. But even though it is just a fantasy of his, the thought that he would dive right into it if I threw the offer at him just bothers the hell out of me. Even knowing what it could do to our marriage, I know if I told him I was game, I wouldn't even have to talk him into it.
> 
> He even brought up letting a woman record him and I having sex. Just anything to get another woman in there. Men? Off limits. I just push it aside and tell myself it's just a fantasy but it really, really bothers me.
> 
> No, this is a fantasy of his I would never fulfill.


No, please don't fulfill this fantasy. Keep yanking his chain and telling your MFM fantasy every time he brings up the FMF fantasy. Seems to put a kink in his gitalong. Fantasies are fun an exciting and yes I have this same fantasy. But that's all it should be. The last time we made one of my fantasies come true it almost cost me my marriage. It just isn't worth that. Sometimes we have to protect those we love from themselves.


----------



## Trenton

When we were first married I went on a job interview for an Administrative Assistant that I found and called about from a local paper. It turned out to be at some porn magazine that also facilitated swinger parties. Wow was that a funny, funny, FUNNY experience! Still remember interviewer being interrupted to be asked if they had enough condoms for the event that weekend...seriously? Did I hear that right? Then they asked me to pretend there was a keyboard in front of me and type. I laugh just thinking back to it.

They offered me the job but husband was completely against it and I can tell you that I was grateful he was because there was no way in hell I would have taken it even if he thought it was the best thing since Swiss cheese.

Other than that, I've had a girlfriend suggest it to me. Needless to say she's no longer a girlfriend. Duh.

Threesome and my husband and I just don't go together.


----------



## Caribbean Man

kl84 said:


> When I first found out that this was a fantasy of my husband's.....
> 
> Ok....when my husband first vocalized this fantasy (most men have it lol), I was actually pretty hurt. He swore it was all about seeing a female please me..... but I know he wouldn't mind getting in a little action also. It just bothered me and I blew up. *I lied and told him that I always had a fantasy of being with another man while he watched.... that ended his threesome talk pretty quickly.*
> 
> Well, here we are a couple of years later and a little more open about sex. We were talking about fantasies again and it got brought up....again. I can understand why this would be a fantasy of his and ya know, in porn, it looks pretty hot. But this is something I could never actually go through with and I explained to him why.* But even though it is just a fantasy of his, the thought that he would dive right into it if I threw the offer at him just bothers the hell out of me. Even knowing what it could do to our marriage,* I know if I told him I was game, I wouldn't even have to talk him into it.
> 
> He even brought up letting a woman record him and I having sex. Just anything to get another woman in there. Men? Off limits. I just push it aside and tell myself it's just a fantasy but it really, really bothers me.
> 
> No, this is a fantasy of his I would never fulfill.


Very few women understand how manipulative men can be with this type of sex. They only " get it " after it's too late, and problems come in. 
It has no place in a committed relationship.


----------



## JayandEllie

heartsdelight said:


> You've only posted rather explicit responses (meaning a lot of what you're saying you're either *** or it's being censored by the forum and you aren't considerate enough to use better language), you steered the thread topic to your own problem instead of posting a new thread, and you've only posted in this thread. It seemed suspicious. At the very least, its not polite forum behavior. But I'm happy to be proven wrong.


Well it's all good....everything I have posted is 100% legit....but if somehow I've offended you or other people...not sure how though....I'll be sure to not post any more of my problems! Although I thought that this was a forum to ask people's oppinion and advice.....guess I was the one proven wrong. Thanks to all the people that were kind enough to give me some insight with my problems....and good luck to all that have helped.


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## heartsdelight

JayandEllie said:


> Well it's all good....everything I have posted is 100% legit....but if somehow I've offended you or other people...not sure how though....I'll be sure to not post any more of my problems! Although I thought that this was a forum to ask people's oppinion and advice.....guess I was the one proven wrong. Thanks to all the people that were kind enough to give me some insight with my problems....and good luck to all that have helped.


I simply stated that you were using more explicit language than is allowed on this forum and posting on someone else's thread instead of starting a new one requesting help, which is impolite. Which is why I'm no longer going to continue this discussion, it's impolite. You asked me to point out what I found trollish and I did. If you have further questions for me I'm happy to answer them by PM. If you have further questions for the community then you're welcome to post a thread. It's the natural order of things.


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## johnnycomelately

DDC said:


> Based upon married friends who have done this it's turned out to be negative in every single case - even when both parties both wanted it (not just one spouse pressuring the spouse into it)


You only ever hear about it in the context of 'what went wrong'. To the OP, I suggest that you look up Dan Savage's 'Meet the Monogamish'.


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## romydonald

when I talk with my wife about our sex life she ask me if I like threesome I tell her I will think but the surprise is she ask me also if I can find shemale to join us .

1-Any one has experience ?
2-Shall I Accept threesome ?
3-shall I search for threesome ?
4-How to find shemale ?

please suggestion .


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## KDFREE

We have been married 21 years. We opened our relationship 7 years ago. We have played with couples, males, and females. All positive experiences. We have lately not been playing much and usually play MfM when we do (straight). A very positive experience we have shared but we are always 100% open and honest and communicate...a lot.


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## RandomDude

I've never shared my wife, though I'd like to (and she'll KILL me for even thinking it!!!) lol

But I've shared a few girls in the past, they were just ****s to me. One however, was my gf, and after rather seductive attempts to entice her to do it, we quite enjoyed it (MMF and MFF), though she wasn't very good at MFF as she didn't like sharing me at all but had to as we had a deal! 

I stopped taking her seriously, she became just a **** to me just like the others in the past. As I withdrew emotionally I guess it was inevitable I would be vulnerable to seductions from elsewhere (my now wife lol), our mistake (my ex and I) was that our relationship was simply not strong enough. Swinging shoke everything we had, and although it was intensely satisfying sexually, it messed up our relationship.

Still, despite knowing of the damage that it can cause... I still annoy my wife with the idea from time to time hehe


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## *LittleDeer*

Just talking about "sharing"your wife with another woman or man, to me puts them into the catagory of a sexual possession that you share around.

That doesn't sounds like love and commitment. it sounds like selfishness.

I don't think anything good can come of having a threesome. What probably will happen is your wife will resent you for not valuing her, for not protecting her and not being strong enough to stick by your convictions and honour them.


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## johnnycomelately

*LittleDeer* said:


> Just talking about "sharing"your wife with another woman or man, to me puts them into the catagory of a sexual possession that you share around.
> 
> That doesn't sounds like love and commitment. it sounds like selfishness.
> 
> I don't think anything good can come of having a threesome. What probably will happen is your wife will resent you for not valuing her, for not protecting her and not being strong enough to stick by your convictions and honour them.


Again you presume to know how someone feels and make judgements about their 'convictions' and strength based on a simple kink. What makes you think that people who have this kink don't value their spouses? It is not for you, fine, but to say that his wife will resent him and in another similar thread to say that his wife will leave him is presumptious and cruel.


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## Plan 9 from OS

johnnycomelately said:


> Again you presume to know how someone feels and make judgements about their 'convictions' and strength based on a simple kink. What makes you think that people who have this kink don't value their spouses? It is not for you, fine, but to say that his wife will resent him and in another similar thread to say that his wife will leave him is presumptious and cruel.


Maybe it would be more accurate to state that the probabilities of a threesome or swinging negatively affecting a marriage is high. For the sake of argument and giving you the benefit of the doubt, considering you indirectly agreed that a threesome could possibly hurt a marriage, let's assume that 20% of the time threesomes ruin marriages. Even at this "low" rate, the odds are still too high IMO to risk a marriage for a little extra spice in the bedroom. You wouldn't play Russian Roulette, would you? Even though the odds are of blowing your brains out is only 1 out of 6, you wouldn't even consider taking the risk. So why risk the marriage by bringing in an outsider for sex?


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## johnnycomelately

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Maybe it would be more accurate to state that the probabilities of a threesome or swinging negatively affecting a marriage is high. For the sake of argument and giving you the benefit of the doubt, considering you indirectly agreed that a threesome could possibly hurt a marriage, let's assume that 20% of the time threesomes ruin marriages. Even at this "low" rate, the odds are still too high IMO to risk a marriage for a little extra spice in the bedroom. You wouldn't play Russian Roulette, would you? Even though the odds are of blowing your brains out is only 1 out of 6, you wouldn't even consider taking the risk. So why risk the marriage by bringing in an outsider for sex?


My objection is not to pointing out the risks, my objection is to making presumptuous statements about the OP, and others who have posted similar threads, not 'valuing' their partners and saying that the wife will leave him for a man of 'conviction' etc. 

There_ is_ a risk to having a threesome, as there is a risk to going out to work, talking to the opposite sex and having a facebook account. But it does work for some couples and being bigoted and cruel about people who want to take this kind of adventure is what I object to. 

We don't all want to lead vanilla lives, but that doesn't mean we don't have convictions and value our partners.


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## Torrivien

I really don't care if I'm uptight or insecure, but I wouldn't want my woman to be sexually active with another being. Be it a man, a woman or an alien from outer space.

I can understand the fantasy, though. I have pretty "out of the ordinary" fantasies ,but they're not things I die to experience. If it's some kinky thought that your subconscious brings up, it's called fantasy, if it's something you want absolutely to do, it's called desire. And I really would hate it if my partner would desire something like that.




*LittleDeer* said:


> Just talking about "sharing"your wife with another woman or man, to me puts them into the catagory of a sexual possession that you share around.
> 
> That doesn't sounds like love and commitment. it sounds like selfishness.


My thought exactly.


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## Plan 9 from OS

johnnycomelately said:


> My objection is not to pointing out the risks, my objection is to making presumptuous statements about the OP, and others who have posted similar threads, not 'valuing' their partners and saying that the wife will leave him for a man of 'conviction' etc.
> 
> There_ is_ a risk to having a threesome, as there is a risk to going out to work, talking to the opposite sex and having a facebook account. But it does work for some couples and being bigoted and cruel about people who want to take this kind of adventure is what I object to.
> 
> We don't all want to lead vanilla lives, but that doesn't mean we don't have convictions and value our partners.


Those presumptuous statements are possible outcomes to having an outsider come into the marriage for sex. You can't get indignant over someone posting his/her opinion yet at the same time acknowledge that these very same issues may be the outcome. Sure, the statement that upset you was presumptuous, but the claims are not without merit. You yourself acknowledge that there are risks. This is one of them - resentment at the male spouse for allowing the female spouse to be used by another man (or woman). 

Don't come here with that weak argument. Yes, I acknowledge that infidelity and divorce can happen due to a spouse finding someone else at work or on FB. However, these circumstances are not equivalent by any stretch. Very few people go to work or go to FB with the intent to cheat on their spouse. However, a threesome is condoned infidelity, and you're crazy if you think that the temptation to take it too far by actively participating in threesomes is equal to a spouse finding a new job.

Fair enough. You may truly feel that way; however, it's my opinion that your actions do not value your spouse like you say you do. But, I don't know what you hold in your heart so if you believe it, then in your mind it's correct. But consider that not all efforts to add flavor to marital sex are equivalent. Some acts offer minimal upside with maximum risk. Others are much less risky yet can still add spice to an otherwise vanilla marriage.


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## johnnycomelately

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Those presumptuous statements are possible outcomes to having an outsider come into the marriage for sex.


Being weak and not having convictions are not 'outcomes'. Don't call my argument weak when you don't know the difference between a characteristic and an outcome.


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## johnnycomelately

*LittleDeer* said:


> What probably will happen is your wife will resent you for not valuing her, for not protecting her and not being strong enough to stick by your convictions and honour them.


Ascribing negative characteristics to someone because of their sexual preferences is simple bigotry. If you don't like the act, or think it is risky, fine, but to imply that someone is weak, has no convictions or lacks honour because of their sexuality is wrong and you should apologise. If you said the same thing about homosexuals would that be acceptable?


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## In_The_Wind

My first wife was a dancer and she would bring home other dancers (females) and it was fun for awhile however we ended up getting divorced as i fell for one of the girls she brought home and moved out and in with the other then I moved out on the other and worked on myself for a few years I would highly advise against bringing others into anyones marriage one of gods cruel jokes is that women eventually get on the same cycle and it can be nuts during those times anyway i have grown up alot since this occured and have been happily married for over 12 yrs now


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## Maricha75

johnnycomelately said:


> We don't all want to lead vanilla lives, but that doesn't mean we don't have convictions and value our partners.


And, I would hope you would acknowledge that just because we choose not to introduce an extra person to our beds doesn't mean we are vanilla either. There are plenty of things you can do to spice up sex life without taking the risk of adding other people to your marriage.

Most of the people who have tried this have stated it was the worst mistake they have made in their marriages. IMO, in my marriage, it wouldn't be worth the risk. If that makes me vanilla, so be it. But I would rather be vanilla than take the chance that my husband would prefer the extra woman over me.


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## johnnycomelately

Maricha75 said:


> And, I would hope you would acknowledge that just because we choose not to introduce an extra person to our beds doesn't mean we are vanilla either. There are plenty of things you can do to spice up sex life without taking the risk of adding other people to your marriage.
> 
> Most of the people who have tried this have stated it was the worst mistake they have made in their marriages. IMO, in my marriage, it wouldn't be worth the risk. If that makes me vanilla, so be it. But I would rather be vanilla than take the chance that my husband would prefer the extra woman over me.


Of course, that is your choice, and mine. 

As I have said it is the insults that I object to, not the pointing out of the risks.


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## Maricha75

johnnycomelately said:


> Of course, that is your choice, and mine.
> 
> As I have said it is the insults that I object to, not the pointing out of the risks.


I will agree that the insults are unnecessary. However, I also have to say that I find it rather insulting when someone implies that those of us who choose to not engage in threesomes are living vanilla lives. That is entirely untrue, I am sure you would agree, right?


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## Plan 9 from OS

johnnycomelately said:


> Being weak and not having convictions are not 'outcomes'. Don't call my argument weak when you don't know the difference between a characteristic and an outcome.


No, the outcome that Little Dear posted was the feeling of resentment that a wife may feel regarding her husband. She opined on what reasons your wife may have that could result in her feelings of resentment. 

She also stated that your wife may feel more like an object to be used for sexual pleasure. The possible outcome there, though not explicitly stated, would be a loss of attachment towards a husband. Look, there are clear cut outcomes that may come about if you continue down this path. Maybe you do have a more fulfilling life together, but there is a strong chance that this backfires. In my post, there are two possible outcomes the wife may experience due to engaging in threesomes and swinging: 1) Building up resentment if she feels "obliged" to fulfill her husband's fantasies of him seeing her with other men and 2) Loss of the connection between husband and wife when sex with other partners is condoned.


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## johnnycomelately

Maricha75 said:


> I will agree that the insults are unnecessary. However, I also have to say that I find it rather insulting when someone implies that those of us who choose to not engage in threesomes are living vanilla lives. That is entirely untrue, I am sure you would agree, right?


Absolutely, I don't engage in threesomes either, that is not what I meant.


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## johnnycomelately

Plan 9 from OS said:


> No, the outcome that Little Dear posted was the feeling of resentment that a wife may feel regarding her husband. She opined on what reasons your wife may have that could result in her feelings of resentment.


As I said, the outcomes, fine, the insults, as below, amount to bigotry



*LittleDeer* said:


> I don't think anything good can come of having a threesome. What probably will happen is your wife will resent you for not *valuing* her, for not protecting her and *not being strong enough *to stick by your *convictions* and *honour* them.


Not being strong, not having convictions and not having honour are negative characteristics that she ascribes to people with this sexual preference. They have nothing to do with outcomes.


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## sandc

You seem to have a very low insult threshold.


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## johnnycomelately

sandc said:


> You seem to have a very low insult threshold.


I don't have a low threshold normally, just sometimes something gets up your nose and you act like a stubborn d'ck about it. Do you know what I mean?


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## romydonald

any one make any type of sex with shemale


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## HopelesslyJaded

Maricha75 said:


> I will agree that the insults are unnecessary. However, I also have to say that I find it rather insulting when someone implies that those of us who choose to not engage in threesomes are living vanilla lives. That is entirely untrue, I am sure you would agree, right?


VANILLA is a swinger term. That's what they say when they are talking amongst each other and want to talk about someone who doesn't swing. I have been around it enough to dislike the connotation. "Oh your vanilla, your plain and boring"


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## lalsr1988

Any man who shares his wife or has fantasies about sharing his wife is likely very sick in the head. You think your wives respect you for that? lol. disgusting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately

lalsr1988 said:


> Any man who shares his wife or has fantasies about sharing his wife is likely very sick in the head. You think your wives respect you for that? lol. disgusting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You sound like a really interesting, tolerant kind of person with a lot of useful insight into human nature. I'm glad to have witnessed your contribution.


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## lalsr1988

johnnycomelately said:


> You sound like a really interesting, tolerant kind of person with a lot of useful insite into human nature. I'm glad to have witnessed your contribution.


Doesn't matter what I sound like. What matters is the truth. I am pretty liberal person, but it's called marriage for a reason. And when you marry, you vow to forsake all others. Wanting to bring another man into your marriage to please your wife is the lowest of the low.It's disgusting, it's pathetic, I wonder how such a person could call themselves a man, much less a husband. Such a person has no business at all being married. 

Things like THIS are what defile the marriage bed.


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## johnnycomelately

lalsr1988 said:


> Wanting to bring another man into your marriage to please your wife is the lowest of the low.It's disgusting, it's pathetic, I wonder how such a person could call themselves a man


I have found in my life that it is only weak and insecure men who insult other men's manhood.


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## lalsr1988

johnnycomelately said:


> I have found in my life that it is only weak and insecure men who insult other men's manhood.


The only week and insecure men I see are those who enjoy being cuckolds.


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## johnnycomelately

lalsr1988 said:


> The only week and insecure men I see are those who enjoy being cuckolds.


If you were more secure in yourself it wouldn't bother you so much. Why does this scare you? It has no effect on you whatsoever, yet you feel it is ok to insult these people simply because they view things differently to you. Why is that?

Prejudice comes from weakness, ignorance or fear. Which is it in your case?


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## lalsr1988

Neither. It's bringing it into a marriage that disgust me so completely. It has nothing to do with being secure, and everything to do with what's right. When you marry someone, you vow to forsaken all others. By willingly bringing another man into your marriage to fulfill your sick fantasies and desires, you are enabling your wife to break her vows and in doing so you are breaking all your own marriage vows. Don't give me that s**t about coming to an agreement or permission. That's not marriage and like I said before if you want to see another man f**k your wife you have no business being married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately

lalsr1988 said:


> Neither. It's bringing it into a marriage that disgust me so completely. It has nothing to do with being secure, and everything to do with what's right. When you marry someone, you vow to forsaken all others. By willingly bringing another man into your marriage to fulfill your sick fantasies and desires, you are enabling your wife to break her vows and in doing so you are breaking all your own marriage vows. Don't give me that s**t about coming to an agreement or permission. That's not marriage and like I said before if you want to see another man f**k your wife you have no business being married.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And only you can decide what a marriage is and should be? As I said, this has no effect on you so why does it make you so angry? If the idea scares you, fine, but what gives you the right to insult people who see marriage differently? You say you are liberal but you act like a frightened little fascist who can't handle difference.


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## lalsr1988

No its not only me deciding what a marriage can be, it's what marriage is !!!! There is no sidestepping it, no changing it. Marriage is bonding yourself to one person and being faithful to them and keeping yourself only for them until death. That is the global meaning of marriage (except in polygamy, in which case going outside the marriage is still considered adultery and forbidden) There is no changing the definition of marriage. It is or isn't. Any person who willingly lets another person into their marriage has no business being married. If you want to do things like that, dont get married. Simple as that. 

I have to get back to my patrol, so I will be back in a few hours
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately

lalsr1988 said:


> No its not only me deciding what a marriage can be, it's what marriage is !!!! There is no sidestepping it, no changing it. Marriage is bonding yourself to one person and being faithful to them and keeping yourself only for them until death. That is the global meaning of marriage (except in polygamy, in which case going outside the marriage is still considered adultery and forbidden) There is no changing the definition of marriage. It is or isn't. Any person who willingly lets another person into their marriage has no business being married. If you want to do things like that, dont get married. Simple as that.
> 
> I have to get back to my patrol, so I will be back in a few hours
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No changing it? So no gay marriage? Because that would be a change. No divorce (till death you said) so people have to suffer abuse and just live with it?


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## RandomDude

MUST... PIMP OUT... WIFEY...!!! 

*SLAP*!!! Hehe


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## lalsr1988

I have time for a quick reply. I said nothing about the sexes in a marriage. There have been numerous gay marriages throughout history and among different cultures. It doesn't matter if they are straight or gay, the definition and purpose of marriage remains the same. Forsaking all others. And as far as divorce, that means they aren't married amymore. My whole point is bringing someone else outside of your marriage in to it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VBVA

"the global meaning of marriage/Forsaking all others." ? I don't think there is a 'global meaning'. some cultures do it out of necessity, even arrange them. some couples do it for legality, while others out of obligation. it is a union, preferably involving love towards the other. but I wouldn't dictate they have "no business being married" if the couple elected to invite someone into the privacy of their own home....


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## johnnycomelately

lalsr1988 said:


> I have time for a quick reply. I said nothing about the sexes in a marriage. There have been numerous gay marriages throughout history and among different cultures. It doesn't matter if they are straight or gay, the definition and purpose of marriage remains the same. Forsaking all others. And as far as divorce, that means they aren't married amymore. My whole point is bringing someone else outside of your marriage in to it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is your opinion, others differ. It is not for you, fine, but the insults make it look like you are challenged by the idea.


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## lalsr1988

Across the world, adultery is taboo, and with good reason. Inviting someone else into your marriage bed is adultery. People who do so have no business being married. Anyhow I'm done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS

johnnycomelately said:


> That is your opinion, others differ. It is not for you, fine, but the insults make it look like you are challenged by the idea.


I'm curious. You stated in one of your posts in this thread that you don't do threesomes. So my question to you is this something that you are considering or are you merely playing devil's advocate?


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## johnnycomelately

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I'm curious. You stated in one of your posts in this thread that you don't do threesomes. So my question to you is this something that you are considering or are you merely playing devil's advocate?


To me insulting people - calling them weak, disgusting, unprincipled, dishonourable etc - for their sexual preferences is simply ugly prejudice. I am not gay but that doesn't mean I think it is ok to insult gay people. I'm not a woman but I don't approve of misogyny. I would find wearing a nappy (diaper) disgusting, but I would never hurl insults at adults who choose to engage in that kind of thing voluntarily. 

I hate prejudice in all its forms and to say that your conception of marriage is the only correct one and anyone who deviates from that is disgusting and not worthy of being called a man is arrogant and bigoted.


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## HopelesslyJaded

The definition of marriage is not written in stone. There is too many cultures that allow men especially to have mistresses. What do you think Geisha are? Some of those are kept better than the wives. I will not defend threesomes and swinging here but I will say that I do think marriage is defined on a couple by couple basis. Some even write their own vows to make it more so.


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## *LittleDeer*

johnnycomelately said:


> Ascribing negative characteristics to someone because of their sexual preferences is simple bigotry. If you don't like the act, or think it is risky, fine, but to imply that someone is weak, has no convictions or lacks honour because of their sexuality is wrong and you should apologise. If you said the same thing about homosexuals would that be acceptable?


It's not about sexuality, it's about faithfulness. It's about honoring your vows or what most men and women proclaim at the start of a relationship, that they will be faithful. 

Most people at one time or another are turned by the thought of threesomes. Or any number of other things. A smart person weighs up the risks, and a very smart person also looks at if it's healthy and enhances the relationship between the two of you, rather then harms. Key being the two of you.

My kink could well be watching my Partner get gang banged by 20 guys. Just because it is seen as somewhat as a "normal" fantasy doesn't mean that threesomes are any less harmful.

My insight as a woman is that threesomes and pressure to have them are phsychologicalky damaging to most women and very unhealthy for relationships. I would be very resentful and hurt if my husband suggested or pushed for a threesome. I would see him as less as a man, because he has made certain promises to me and he vowed to love and care for me. That's not loving TO ME no matter how you spin it.
I know of women and men who have agreed and have felt the devestating after effects of never feeling good enough.

Adding a third party doesn't bring two people together it just injects a third party. 

Maybe you are so offended because what I'm saying resonates with you after all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately

*LittleDeer* said:


> Maybe you are so offended because what I'm saying resonates with you after all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you are so vitriolic because you are frustrated at not being able to fulfil your fantasy.


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## anchorwatch

This has gone on too long, too far off the OP's subject and too nasty to listen to. Time to unsubscribe.


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## Chris H.

Thanks, banned IP.


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