# What do I do now?



## pk1234 (Aug 20, 2010)

I think sometimes to hear impartial views helps. So here goes. Please be patient I know its fairly long.

I got married last August (09) and my wife moved in with me and my Mum. So only three of us in the house. My Dad had passed away several years ago. We decided to stay with my mum until we have enough money to get a property of our own.

Anyway I met my partner two years before we got married. Before I proposed to her I got permission from her parents as they are very close and they respected me in coming to them first and I had their full respect. 

Before I met my wife I used to gamble and was addicted. I gambled for about 4 years, It made me depressed and I was close to suicide on many occasions. 

Eventually got help from GA to try to beat my habit. Every time I gambled my Mum and my sister would bail me out. I was lucky that my Mum didn't kick me out. But they said it was the last time.

I was clean for about a year, so I stopped going to GA about the same time as I met my partner. But it started again only four months after I met her. 

I was again in debt. I didn't want to tell my Mum and my Sister as I had out them through so much over the years I confessed to my partner and she helped me out. But I carried on gambling.

Even before we got married she had bailed me out three times, and my Mum or her parents had no idea what was going on. However my Mum still asked me if I was gambling but I said no.

Over the last year It had got worse but again she helped me 
out, despite me saying 'this is the last time' I begged her not to tell my Mum or sister or her family, and she didn't. But it was now getting to a stage were all her savings had pretty much gone.

Despite all this we were still our love was so strong and I knew she wouldn't leave me. But to be honest I did take her for a ride. When I needed the money I wouldn't always tell her I have gambled recently I would come out with saying some old debts that I 'forgot about' had cropped up and she would help me.

Anyway on Tuesday gone My worst nightmare came true. Her parents found out. What happened was her dad mistakenly opened on of her statement (she hadn't yet changed her address with her bank). He saw all these bank transfers going into my account and called her to go and see them.

My wife called me on Tuesday lunchtime and said she would be late back as she had to go and see her parents about something, but I had no idea what it was about. When she was over there I was texting her to ask what time she was coming home but wasnt getting a response. 

Her parents asked her about all the money, and they got it out of her and found out about my habit. I felt a little bit angry as I wish she thought of something else but the amounts were so high and her parents had to try really hard before she told them.

I found out that her parents knew when her Dad called home and told my Mum that they needed to come over and discuss her statements. When my Mum told me I panicked and I took off. I got in my car and drove off. I didn't want to come back. I had all my family calling me to come back but I ignored the calls. 

My wife only called me once which led me to believe that she wasn't that bothered and I sent her some nasty texts. and told her I am going to commit suicide and its all her fault.

I ended up driving down to beachy head in Eastbourne and I was ready to end it all, and I was there all night and still no text or call from my wife so I sent her another text and told her where I was.

My wife now called me and I took the call and she was crying and begged me to come back and assured me that everything will be ok and we will sort things out. 

I decided to came back first I went to my in-laws house as that's were my wife was and I got an expected barrage from her family. It was a very embarrassing situation as just over a year ago I promised them I would never let her down and would keep her happy for ever. All the respect they had for me had gone. 

They made it clear that they wouldn't let her daughter come home with me at the time and asked me how I intend to resolve things. I said I would go to GA and get proper help and wanted another chance. 

They were really upset and disappointed with me, not only about the gambling but what they claimed was 'emotional blackmail' with the texts.

So I went home faced up to my Mum who wasn't happy but still was there for me. I sent a text my wife the same evening but she said she wants time to think things through.So I left it and didn't text her yesterday either.

But I text her this morning and asked her how she is etc, but again she said she will only call me when she was ready and not to put any pressure on her.

Now I feel a bit upset about this. At the end of the day I need her support to get through this. She has known about the gambling for a while and it isn't new news to her. I think her parents are trying to turn her against me. 

I don't know what to do now, but I don't want to loose her..


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

pk1234 said:


> Now I feel a bit upset about this. At the end of the day I need her support to get through this. She has known about the gambling for a while and it isn't new news to her. I think her parents are trying to turn her against me.
> 
> I don't know what to do now, but I don't want to loose her..


You have no leg to stand on to be upset with her. She was wrong in enabling you, yes. But you have no reason to be angry with her. The person who the blame needs to be placed fully on is you pk1234, not her. You were the one gambling, you were the one asking her to hide it. She tried to help you live the lie, and you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. 

If you don't want to loose her, get back into GA and get therapy. It would also help your wife to get into something for family members of Gambling Addicts (like ALANON) but for gamblers. She needs to learn how to not enable you and help feed your crippling addiction.

And that whole emotional blackmail? It's gotta stop, there is no need for that kind of garbage in a relationship. 

As a parent, I could see why her parents don't want their daughter anywhere near you. I know if I was in their shoes, i'd be the same way. Your going to have to turn your life around and keep it that way to earn back their trust. It won't be fast, it won't be easy, but it can be done.


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## pk1234 (Aug 20, 2010)

So should I wait till she comes back to me know? Or contact her and tell her what steps I am taking to improve and try to recover.

I know i have messed up


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## marga88 (Jun 17, 2010)

pk1234 said:


> So should I wait till she comes back to me know? Or contact her and tell her what steps I am taking to improve and try to recover.
> 
> I know i have messed up


It will take you sometime to recover from your wife anguish . Just give her more time to think, just send her some text asking how she was doing once in a while. But try not to engage in gambling anymore and you must prove to her that you really want to change. It's your fault so you must endure the situation at first until she's ready to get back to you. But as I said don't loss your communication with her, just update her status from time to time but don't make it looks irritating and annoying for her. I just wish you goodluck.


Maybe you can get some tips from this book it's for female but hope it can help you too even so. Win Your Cheating Spouse Back and Live A Happier Love Life - By Ruth Purple


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