# Oddly Painless So Far



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/164130-perfect-not.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/173426-mechanics-leaving.html

I have graduated to this bit of the board. My wife flys from Europe to the USA on a one way-ticket. She hopes I will join her, but it will need at H1 visa to be practical, or renounce separation and take eight months.

At the moment, we are getting on well together and yet I believe it will be a relief when the flight is away tomorrow. After the last two years, the thought of getting in another relationship is hideous and I still love the woman I am with for another day.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

If you plan to divorce, I would take care of that. Is coming to the US something you want to do? it sounds like you guys got along fine, but had some significant differences in what you wanted out of life. Why uproot yourself to another country for someone you are not sure you want to be with. Might be a good time to finish the divorce and move on with your life.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Indeed. It makes sense. That said, I am feeling the inevitable pain now. It helps to be old enough to see it as a wave.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Went to court and all settled. Cost around $45,000 from me to her. 

By American standards, I was completely let off. I have a good pension (I will earn far more post retirement than now), my property has doubled in value since I bought it in 2009, my shares have rocketed. I could well have been looking at several hundred thousand in the USA.

We had a meeting and then court. Despite not wanting people to take sides, some of her friends were annoyed at her for taking me to court, this being Scandinavian - I would have been seen as wrong if the roles had been reversed. Her lawyer was paid for by her Mum, who wanted a USA style settlement. The Danish lawyer was happy to get legal fees. It seems that my ex would have been happy to settle for what was the extreme case ($30K), but her lawyer and Mum wanted it taken further.

My lawyer advised me that if I took it to a higher court, I would be at paying $5-10K to her. However, his fees would be far, far higher and the money my ex got would pretty much all go to the lawyer. Also, it would take another year. His advise was to settle and enjoy life a year sooner than otherwise.

She had a hard time in Denmark, I think. She also would not look at me during the trial or settlement hearing.


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