# Is it me, or is it her, or is it us?



## Uglee70 (Jan 2, 2009)

When my wife and I have sex lately I find it hard to climax. I've found lately that my wife doesn't have the muscular contractions as often as she used to and I don't think I am quite reaching full erection either.

We are both very tired after our long days, we no longer get any exercise and we have both put on some beef and I am sure these are factors.

I've always had "staying power". By this I mean that I could go a solid hour of foreplay followed with a solid hour of intercourse. But lately we have about 5 minutes of foreplay, which is hardly enough to make me as sensitive as I like to be and during sex there is often no sensation. Everything glides in and out and up and down as it should but the canon just won't fire and I drop in an exhausted heap of sweat and asphyxiation after 20 minutes.

Is it that we're not as young and fit as we used to be, or is it tiredness and stress, or the same sexual routine every single time, or all of these factors together? 

My wife is also not a fan of fun stimulating erotic games and techniques, which kinda leaves me bored.

Can someone please advise on what might be a solution.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I've read your other threads, and know about the sex issues. You sound absolutly out of condition though. Get regular exercise. 

I am 42. I go jogging every day - I have to, in order to keep my weight down, and it gives my heart a workout. I am a very laid back guy, my resting hear beat has been as low as 48, so I have to rev it up occasionally. When there is time, sex has gone on for 3 or 4 hours with small coffee breaks 

How old are you both?
How often are you ejaculating per week?


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## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

MT

Think I could ship you my H for an apprenticeship? :rofl:
Sorry...couldn't resist!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Exercise and diet have a lot to do with it. i hadnt been exercising for about a month and i noticed my sex drive drop and even when we did have sex i rarely climaxed. im working out again, and eating better, and the sex is better already. 

of course if you both are bored and stressed out, you need to work on that too. but exercise can help with stress, too. and if your wife is working out, she'll feel more confident which might make her want more foreplay, b/c she'll be more confident with her body.


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## marlborolights (Jan 21, 2009)

I agree with exercise and diet but I dont think its the MAIN factor, only because before I lost weight (120lbs+) I was very energetic and fun in the bedroom. Yeah I got tired but I still liked it and so did my husband.
I think everything you listed has something to do with it. getting older, stress, being tired. Are you or her on any medications? as many medications affect your sex life. I was once put on an antidepressant that killed my libido. My husband was put on a pill that made him like you, lose his staying power. needless to say we said screw the medicine...lol.
Maybe take a vaccation together? she could add some kegel exercises along with her workouts if she plans on getting into shape as to tighten that area, which does loosen sometimes as you get older or have kids etc...
And I think the "bored" feeling you described is also a factor. If she's not into those things..maybe you both can try to go online together or to a naughty store together and see what she might be into....she could surprise you!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

lostluv said:


> MT
> 
> Think I could ship you my H for an apprenticeship? :rofl:
> Sorry...couldn't resist!


Only if you sign my standard disclaimer: If he dies he dies 

Before I knew about the wonders of semen retention... when I was 18 I had a gf twice my age. She worked me to death morning noon and night. One day I went down to breakfast, and nearly fell over in the kitchen from exhaustion. One day after doing it 3 times including on the kitchen floor, she got into a bad mood due to a big bill that came through the letter box - so she told me the sex was crap!


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## Uglee70 (Jan 2, 2009)

Thanks people...it looks likes the verdict is in... I gotta get back into shape.... but time is an issue, and of course our 2 yo boy that sleeps on average only 4 to 6 hours a day!!! I dunno how he does it.

To answer a few posted questions...no drugs or meds taken. My wife doesn't need the exercises to tighten the vaginal muscles, they work fine when we have the time and energy to get horny.

I used to be very fit (aah, if only youth could be eternal) I am 39 incidently and the wife 35, and I played professional rugby so fitness was never an issue in the past. But when I stopped playing sports I just lost the intensity and inspiration to exercise and now I'm just too tired (not to mention lazy).

Mark Twain - since you know my history from other posts, I had a serious chat with my wife and poured out my feelings and didn't pull any punches. She is making a much improved effort and we're both much happier because of it...so it would seem that problem has been knocked on the head.

Thank you all for taking the time to try and help.


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