# he admitted he cheated.. now wut???



## lovebug82 (Nov 11, 2009)

im 27 n have been with my now husband for 10 yrs. we just got married on april 2009....we have never broke up once ...We decided in september that we cant wait to start a family and since started trying. now that we are married. i went away with my mother for the night...and he hung out with his best man from the wedding!...well that was friday on monday he starts sayin he has to tell me something bad and i instatly got that feeling like i was punched in the chest....well he told me he cheated it was a girl that he never met before this night no chemisty just stritcly sex they wernt even naked he says...he says it was someone his friend knows and called to come over his friend was a big influence on him......anyway he said he did it but was soo sick with himself he through her off and ran out the house....reguardless that he didnt like it he still went through with it and he did fell soo guilty i was sooo very shocked that my husband my love my best friend since 16 did this too me...we even had sex friday morni for a quickie before work since i was goin to be away that night.......and this is wut he did .well he has been beging my forgiveness ever since and he has been histerical thinking he might lose me...i always said i would leave someone if this ever happend i would leave them ASAP!!! but it is hardd to do .....he told me he would never cheat on me...we had such a SOLID TRUSTING relationship and were always honest and even though he is still be honest he did the worst thing ever to me.....please help i am sooo confused and have NO ONE to talk to cause i am sooo embaressed that this happend to me!!!!!


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

There are far better advice-givers on this website than I, but I know how you are hurting and hitting 'refresh' looking for a reply.

A marriage is worth saving. It sounds like you really love him and want to build a life together and that he made one very bad decision that didn't last long (as opposed to a year or more in an affair).

You need time to grieve and he needs time to gain your trust. It's worth it if you love each other and I wish you the best.

Don't expect a miracle. You have every right to be angry and lash out. I need to step back and let the better minds here give advice.


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## RacehorseChick (Nov 23, 2009)

im going through something, similar. but not exactly the same.

my guy told me that he hated her and he couldnt even finish. but it doesnt make it any better! it hurts to know they could even get excited over another woman, AND go through with it, when they are supposed to love you so much...

im exactly where you are right now too. i dont know where i go from here.


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## lovebug82 (Nov 11, 2009)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I hear you, even if it doesn't matter to them or the fact that they couldn't go through with the act. It just opens so many questions of doubt about the relationship, their trustworthyness, even us as partners......I'm the same way I think the thing that bothers me the most is that he could even do the whole act, it's like I didn't matter at all to him.....I honestly trusted him without a doubt, never dreamed I would be dealing with this issue and all the doubt it has created. 
What now? You have to decide if you want to save your marriage and decide if you can trust your spouses again. This has to be a 2 way deal, the two of you need to talk and work together so each of you feel good moving forward, you have to ask yourself if there was something in your marriage that could be worked on so this won't happen again.....Forgivness needs to happen, marriages are worth saving, but stand firm if ever another time and you will be walking out of the marriage. everyone deserves a 2nd chance but that's it.
good luck to both of you


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

I have NO idea what the actual statistic is, but from what I've seen, 90+% of the time, the cheating is not discovered until after the "i dont love you anymore" discussion or you find the text messages.
The fact that he came open to you pretty much straight away, is a very good sign that this is salvagable and he loves you.
Did you marry the perfect partner or did you "think" you did? I hope not.
If you love him, don't let your old stated rule get in your way. If you love each other and want to stay together simply do what's right for you! You cant just "let it go" (cheating) however. There is a reason he did not respect your agreement to only be with you, so, some counseling to figure that out and address it is in order, which im guseeing he willingly would agree to.

good luck!


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## mommy2 (Oct 27, 2009)

Yes, you need to throw your previous rule out the window. I always said that too - if he ever cheated....see ya! My H knew that too so when he told me he was having an A and I immediatly asked if we could try to save our marriage it shocked both of us! You never know what you'll do in a traumatic situation until you're in it. 

There are things you'll need to work through, and perhaps counseling will help. But do know you can still make your marriage work and have a happy marriage. Sadly, sometimes a terrible thing can actually make your marriage stronger.


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## lovebug82 (Nov 11, 2009)

mommy2 said:


> Yes, you need to throw your previous rule out the window. I always said that too - if he ever cheated....see ya! My H knew that too so when he told me he was having an A and I immediatly asked if we could try to save our marriage it shocked both of us! You never know what you'll do in a traumatic situation until you're in it.
> 
> There are things you'll need to work through, and perhaps counseling will help. But do know you can still make your marriage work and have a happy marriage. Sadly, sometimes a terrible thing can actually make your marriage stronger.



Thank you everyone....well it's been two months n I'm trying hard but I can't get over the fact of infidelity I go back n forth a million times a day should we divorce or not I do love him but he hurt me sooo bad.I will keep trying...he is trying too ....confused
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

You won't get over it right away honey. I am going on three months. I have a lot of stipulations with my H. He broke my heart, so now is the time where I adjust and set new boundaries and if he can't accept them, then we are done. He has done everything i have asked so far. I have all his passwords, I can monitor his cell online, calls and texts, he isn't to be with the same crowd of so called friends that he was with when he cheated, etc. But even with that I have set backs. I feel the need to check his email and phone in the morning and at night. I feel the need to talk about "us" a lot and what we both want from each other. I feel that he needs to be there to catch me anytime I have a doubt, even if only for a minute. And it is slowly getting better. But come to rules that make you guys comfortable and have him do things that reassure you it won't happen again. Best of luck honey.


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## venus-blue (Feb 20, 2010)

63Vino said:


> The fact that he came open to you pretty much straight away, is a very good sign that this is salvagable and he loves you.


Thanks for this, I have been through the same thing. He got drunk one night and ended up engaging in sex with some hyper-****. He didn't even finish and told her that he needed to go home and she begged him to stay~to forget about me for the night and stay with her. Truly predatory. He did the right thing and came home and told me everything. It is so easy to just generalize cheating scenarios as all being deceptive and feel like you would leave no matter what. Sometimes people do stupid things, but if they are honest about their mistakes and choose to learn from them then forgiveness is an option. Keep the faith~he loves *you
*


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