# is this a threat?



## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

my wife issued said to me today as a statement which sounded to me more like a threat. The words were: "If I want then you will neither have me(i.e. her i.e. my wife), nor kids nor any money/real estate you(i.e. me i.e. her husband) have"

Background is my wife's parents constantly make her feel like a princess and support her and she seems to be a liar who stokes feelings in her parents against me by telling lies/miscommunicating (know that cause I have overheard her talking many times on the phone with her friends and parents).

Today we ended a major fight going on for the last 1-2 weeks over money and sex. she basically had vowed she would'nt give me any sex until I got a new central cooling system installed. my position was that I would if she would give me my money which I had put in her bank account (earlier I blindly trusted her and did many other things like this including adding her in an expensive real estate).

She flatly refused both sex and money. Today she backed off when I said a few days back that then there is no point us staying together. She has been physically, verbally and emotionally abusing me. (physical started happening in the last one month)

I had done 7 months of marriage improvement after reading His needs her needs by Willar harley from my side. She had been uninterested. Then her parents jumped in and spoilt all the progress again by interfering and instigating her.

My question is : her statement - .My current understanding is since it is not legally possible for her to remove me fully from my wealth (reasonable) and nor from my children. I asked her whether she was talking about legal or illegal ways and she did not tell. Does it mean she could slip poison into my food or something like that? I had overheard her saying this on the phone to her friend as well. Where I live one sided divorces cannot happen. So what did she mean? 

so was it a threat and what did she mean? It did to me to my life.

(as i mentioned in a diff thread earlier she seems to have symptoms of BPD or NPD with her mother as the codependent mollycoddler. She has been passive aggressive throughout the marriage)


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## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

Added info: 2 great kids and she has been a SAHM for 95% of married life.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Sounds TO ME like she is just trying to be cruel and hurtful.

As for exchanging sex for a cooling system... that's was out of line.

She doesn't sound very pleasant...do you even want to have sex with her?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> I asked her whether she was talking about legal or illegal ways and she did not tell. Does it mean she could slip poison into my food or something like that?


I cant even believe you are still there if you are seriously worried your wife would poison you to death.But at the same time are upset she renigged on a deal to give you "sex" for a cooling system.

You both need serious help.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> As for exchanging sex for a cooling system... that's was out of line.


Doesn't help his case that he would have agreed to it either.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Yes, it's a threat. What does it mean? It means she is thinking about hurting you in ways that you can't recover from. 

The bigger question is - What are you going to do about it? 

If it was me, I'd be finding ways to protect my assets NOW. I'd find someone I trust and put my car titles in their name, and AFTER that I'd talk to an attorney to find out exactly how we own that real estate and what it means legally. (There are different ways a married couple can own real estate, and you might be able to protect your interest if it's titled a certain way.) I would also be preparing my own food, finding another place to live and stashing the money to move ASAP (but not until I had my assets protected or I could boot her out.)

While I was at the attorney's office, I might ask him about whether I could sue her for slander, too.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Ask her if you can get a BJ if you buy her a fan. You know, so you can figure out the pricing schedule...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I'd start covering my ass as best as I could if I was married to a woman with that attitude.

In fact I'd be covering my ass right up to and throughout the divorce I filed.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

ukv said:


> I asked her whether she was talking about legal or illegal ways and she did not tell.


Why would you even ask her to clarify such an outrageous statement?

Next time just ignore it.

Read up on the divorce laws in your state. Figure that if you divorce she will get roughly half of everything you own plus support over a period of time. 

When you sit down to dinner, remember to always switch plates and glasses with her.

Or better yet, don't ALWAYS switch the dinner dishes and glasses, do it randomly. Otherwise she'll quickly figure out which one to put the "special garnish".


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## PM1 (Aug 9, 2011)

If I were worried about my own life, or asking such questions, I'd be following all of the advice on backing myself up, including finding ways to protect my kids as well. Probably be documenting (often hear about carrying a VAR) every conversation and trying to make sure I don't get falsely accused of anything and determining if this person was safe to leave my kids with.


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## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

Thanks everyone.
ok, yes that statement was a threat. i think I cannot get her name off the real estate but I will make backup plans.
I flat out refused divorce when I realised that she may be doing all the abuse to get me to divorce. she is probably frustrated at getting stuck when her parents wants the money and scoot along. She sees me as a provider for her kids until they grow older (overheard this again). Actually her parents make her feel like "entitled princess" and so she does not want to put energy. 

Anyways this time around she gave me sex and also the money after the words. "I always compromise. I am doing this for the marriage. We will stay well together and meet each other's emotional needs." Then she let me have sex with her.

After sex when she had washed she sat and then gave that threat. It sounded strange. Anyways I got part of my money and got along. I've been thinking about it though. She gives these kind of veiled threats from time to time that she does not have the willpower to stand up against me. She said I was wrong in asking for the money I put in her account that she thinks I am selfish and greedy. I took it in humour and even myself added "I am a ****ty rascal too" like she had said to me.

In the last 8 months she has been using all and any lose talk.

Anyways I am watching my back. However this has caused me to basically leave work for a long while - I have to attend to other personal duties and responsibilities as well which I cannot avoid.

What is so strange is that the woman I trusted my everything with and who does not even want to work outside nor is she serious about our children's upbringing is digging a huge well and pushing us into it.
She has physically hit me in front of my children a couple of times and sometimes in their absence.

I wonder why I still get a hard on with her... one day when she hit me I instigated sex within an hour and in fact I came thrice in 45 mts (including once on her face). She was hot too.... 
But last time she slapped me several times in front of our younger kid and I could not control myself and calmly told her that I know this is coming from her parents and I would next time beat them up.....I did not feel like sex withher this time..... Maybe my natural instinct repelled her away this time.


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## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

Well anyways I got what I wanted both sex and the money. so I didnt take it further.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Ya know... I don't understand men and sex drive. Your a funny lot!
If a man is horrid to a woman usually her vagina clamps shut...

But nonetheless...you sound like a nice man and you no doubt deserve better.

So what now... what would you like to do/see happen?


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## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

thanks for the compliment. will watch my back and see what kind of improvement happens as she said she would. i doubt any real consistent effort will happen from her half. i just wanna this to become normal. sex although not great is ok for now. m working on my body now.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

I am surprised you think so little of yourself as to put up with such a dirt bag.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

are you saying you cannot get a divorce if your wife isn't willing to get one? Are you saying that in your country, people who are abused do not have a right to file for a divorce? are you saying that Ok sex after threats is enough to keep you hanging on? You need to see a therapist or do some introspection to understand why in this world you are putting up with this disgusting, abusive, horrible, disrespectful, pathetic behavior from your wife. Her treatment of you is disdainful. Have a itty bitsy tiny bit of self respect and get out of this miserable marriage. She's hot? big deal. she's as cold as ice.


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## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

IsGirl3 said:


> are you saying you cannot get a divorce if your wife isn't willing to get one? Are you saying that in your country, people who are abused do not have a right to file for a divorce? are you saying that Ok sex after threats is enough to keep you hanging on? You need to see a therapist or do some introspection to understand why in this world you are putting up with this disgusting, abusive, horrible, disrespectful, pathetic behavior from your wife. Her treatment of you is disdainful. Have a itty bitsy tiny bit of self respect and get out of this miserable marriage. She's hot? big deal. she's as cold as ice.


Well I meant to say "she was hot" that she seemed to participate in the act better than usual.
Basically I do not want to divorce because of the kids and because I do not want to split my assets. I am planning to keep off active work and just maintain what I have. Other than that I have a few other responsibilities and duties to attend to... My mom is in the last stages of cancer and then my dad is old and needs help. I cant fight on more than one front at a time.

Besides I want to give a chance to her as well although I know she was at least 80% of the problem earlier due to her PA behaviour. I dont know maybe because I have hope, I blame her parents primarily as they are old enough to know not to interfere in our marriage.

The reason I feel for this lopsided relationship is that I yearned for love and tried to give what she wanted in the hope of improving our relationship and sex life and she kept adding more requirements to her list. I now know that I should turn cold and run the MAP as MMSL says.

His needs her needs mode of improvement works better if both partners are interested. In my case it may be a case of her personality disorder.


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