# Fire Proof & Love Dear question



## iheartmywife (May 23, 2008)

Ok long story short last year my wife cheated on me. We have been going to counseling for the past three months. Things are getting better somewhat. We are working on them though.

Ive found out recently in counseling that she was still upset and to me it seems like she was holding a grudge for when I cheated on her when we were dating. An emotional affair. Which I take responsibility for. Her problem was that she thought that I didnt own up to it fully. When we started talking about it she went off. I honestly didnt think it was an issue anymore because she married me. Boy was I wrong. Now looking back I can see how things went the way they did.

Ive sat down with her and completely apologized for it. Owned up to it fully. Because I was wrong. We sat and spoke for about 2 hours. With the things that she didnt like and the things I didnt like. Then somehow the topic of my mom came up. Its a sore subject for me.

Growing up me and my mother werent close. In the end she took care of my sister better than me. I didnt realize how much it bothered me until counseling where I literally was choking up talking about it. I havent cried for months now and I wasnt expecting it. I will be getting counseling for me soon though. 

When I sat talking to my wife I cried. Not a great moment. But I needed it. She held me and I cried. I have alot of anger towards my mother and alot of frustration. My wifes being there for me at that point in time was what I needed. She told me how much she loved me and how strong I was. I know some people say men shouldnt cry in front of their women( me included) but sometimes a good cry is what you need. 

So I made a committed to myself that I was gonna try my best to be the husband I should of been in the beginning. I can see that she is trying too so it makes it hella easier. SO I went and got the love dear book. Im on day 7. 

So heres the question. Do I show her the movie after the book is done or can I show it to her now and get her a copy of the book for herself? Is there a certain way of doing it?


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

No certain way of doing these things my friend, just do what feels right for you. Keep the faith and follow the book. Good luck.


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

I don't know who says that men shouldn't cry... Those who repress their feelings like that makes her think that he just doesn't care. It is okay to be human.

Ok, so she has feelings and pent-up anger. Until the day when she gets her feelings out and feels satisfied that you understand her, this will continue to be an issue.

With some people, it never goes away, but most of the time, if you show her emotion, she will reciprocate in kind. 

Sit down with her and watch the movie together. Talk about it. Let her know that you will talk to her and that you will be understanding of her feelings.

Good luck!


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## iheartmywife (May 23, 2008)

I will try to watch the movie with her tonight. we have night and day schedules so getting her with a night off is few and far between. which is one of our issues. She went to dinner with her friend (female) to catch up on old times. So when she gets home ill sit her down and talk. 

I also wanna talk about saving for a house. Its been strong on my mind of late. Buyers market and all so I'm hoping she's open to the idea.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Watching that movie, even with the amateur acting (except Kirk), is really a great way to bring a marriage back together.

It shows you, along with the book as you've seen so far on day 7, that you can only fix things about yourself, you can not change your spouse, only your spouse can change your spouse.

As you have seen so far in 1 week, its all about changing how you act AND react to your spouse.

FYI, my wife and I are on day 33. There are some dares that are less applicable than others, but the lesson in each day is really good for a marriage.


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## iheartmywife (May 23, 2008)

Heres the update.

We sat down and watched the movie together. It was a great movie. She even liked it. What hit home the most is that the same arguements they were having we were having. After the movie it was kind of odd talking. We curled up in bed and I got up and got my book. I told her that I was on day 8. I showed her the book. She was intrigued about it. This past weekend I went back and got her a book for herself. She had wanted to share but I was writing in mine so I figured she would want to write also. 

The book has helped me alot better improve myself. Sometimes I wanna do two days in one but Im taking it one day at a time.

On saturday we went to a friends wedding. It was bitter sweet. I couldnt help but reflect back to when we got married and how much I wanted nothing else but to be her husband. Then things went south. Made me want to get married all over again. Do it right this time. At the reception we cuddled up the whole time. I dont know why but it was like we were in a world of our own. I was dreading going but in the end it was worth it.

Im just trying to be patient and understanding right now. One day at a time. Hopefully she is taking the book as seriously as I am.

The only problem I foresee is the going to church. She is a non practicing 7 day and Im kinda in the wind. I like church but I havent found a place where Im completely comfortable in and here the word. Well Ill cross that bridge soon.


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