# Am i just worrying too much for no reason or???



## Shaunee (Oct 10, 2012)

My partner and i were involved sexually for a good 6 months before we got into an exclusive relationship. He was with someone else when i met him but i was unaware at the time of this relationship and tried breaking it off with him. He chased me and before i knew it we were back in eachothers lives. Weve been together for a year and i dont believe he has cheated on me but a lot of people say that its only a matter of time before he does? He cheated on his ex that he was with for 7 years multiple times so thats been a hard 1 to live with. He loves porn and we watch it together. Our sex life is good although it has been better, i found i initiate it more than he does...

My problem is, we had a massive arguement last night and the Police got involved. They issued a non association order on us not to associate for 5 days. So i came to my friends last night and really this is only day 1 and its hard. Hes loaded with cash and its Thursday night so im worried that he'll go clubbing tonight and cheat? What are the signs of someone who has fooled around? I know that the worry isnt even worth it (we're constantly being told by others to end it) but i am soo madly and deeply in love with him - the thought of not being with him and him being with another woman hurts so much. How have you coped? If a man truely loved you, he would be by your side in times like this right? not out drinking and clubbing?


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Not to be mean, but if he cheated to be with you, why on earth would you think he will not cheat on you? Do you think you are extra super special? Or that his ex deserved it?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

He cheated in the past. You wonder if he will cheat on you?
Observe him closely for some time, before you decide.
Why do you consider being with him if you dont trust him?


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## Shaunee (Oct 10, 2012)

I never looked at it that way...I dont think that I am extra super special or that she deserved it.Ive just tried to trust him in what he has told me, he said that he knows that he crossed the line with her and that that ruined their relationship then he went onto say that he would never do that to me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Shaunee said:


> I never looked at it that way...I dont think that I am extra super special or that she deserved it.Ive just tried to trust him in what he has told me, he said that he knows that he crossed the line with her and that that ruined their relationship then he went onto say that he would never do that to me.


Here is a heartfelt letter that a skunk once wrote to a home owner:-
"_Dear home owner. I am sorry that the last time I was in your house I sprayed your dog and your furniture and made the whole place stink really bad. If you let me in again, I promise never to make your dog or your house smell bad, so long as I live.
Yours truly, your friend The Skunk_

Now... should the home owner trust the skunk?


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Hard as it might be, I think you want to take the 5 days apart to really look at your life together. Is he trustworthy? Are there things that make you think, hey what if there's something weird going on? But you say to yourself he wouldn't do that to me, would he? 
You aren't married, you aren't tied to him by a child. He has a proven record as a serial cheater, do you really want to sign up for that sort of life? Because infidelity is just gut wrenching. Don't you deserve a better chance at happiness?


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## Shaunee (Oct 10, 2012)

Well the good news is that despite his efforts in getting back with me ive managed to stay away for 3 days so far and it has been real hard. To an extent i do trust him but weve known eachother for a good 1.5 years now and the trust should be solid. If im honest, i dont think i can ever truely trust someone who has been so devious in the past.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Their past, your past, dictates the future. Don't ever think that someone will absolutely change their whole being just for another. There are occasions where people have cheated on multiple partners, meet 'the one' and that is it. But I think this is more of a fairy tale than a reality.

I never really understood people who stayed in unhealthy relationships before, or abusive ones. I thought that practicality and logic was stronger than the love of an abusive man. Until now. I have been in love with a similar man to yours for nearly 3 years. I thought all me Christmases had come at once when I met him. He was all I ever wanted in a man and we got on famously. I was so wrong. And it was such an abusive relationship. Mostly mental abuse. Done purely to save his own ass. Not malicious mental abuse, just totally fu*ked up. 

When your man starts cheating, you will know. Listen to yourself and don't let him tell you different. Always read his actions and never his words. Don't make excuses for him. 

Stick by that above and you can't go wrong. But you gotta be on your toes. Always. It is a slippery slope of slow chipping away at your confidence, boundaries, self esteem, that you don't realise you are on til you are in the bottom of the pit and no way out! Never compromise your boundaries or morals with a man like this, and keep him on a tight lead. 

That or leave him! Simpler than a life of rules and mistrust. But harder when you are in love so deeply....or so you think (you are only in love with one aspect of him and choose to ignore the rest, that one aspect makes all the sh*t worth it?)


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

If you can't trust him for 5 days, you need to get out of the relationship.

And yes, if he cheated on his ex as much as you say for as long as they were together, expect to be cheated on. He was most likely cheating on her WITH you as well. 

He sounds like he could be a serial cheater. If you are not married, don't get married to this man. 

My STBXH cheated on his ex with me. Well guess what, he cheated on me, the OW, and then me again 5 yrs later. Save yourself the grief...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

In your other thread you say he's abusive and that he put his hands on your throat and dthe police have been invovled 10 times.

You also said that he physically hit his ex girlf and you had to go to court for him while he was on probation to testify about how great he is eventhough you know he's not.

Wondering if he's gonna cheat should be the least of your worries. 

Why do you want to be with this guy?

I hope you don't have kids and are raising them around this. Because, obviously...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

All of your threads read like a bad Lifetime movie. Dump this guy and get into therapy to find out why you want to be with someone like him.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/57939-love-abusive-man.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...ossible-have-no-strings-attached-sex-him.html


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## Shaunee (Oct 10, 2012)

Thanks Jellybeans, youve summed it all up in a nutshell. Ive always thought of him as having loads of potential. Hes smart, attractive, funny, is a great cook, compliments me, is amazing in bed and is popular. At the beginning he was very caring and supportive but ive only recently come to terms with the fact that the way he is now is the way he will be until HE gets help. If only i could fast forward life to next year and not have to deal with all of these emotions that come with losing someone ;(


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## Shaunee (Oct 10, 2012)

And no i dont have children, he has 5 that live with their mother out of town.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Shaunee said:


> Thanks Jellybeans, youve summed it all up in a nutshell. *Ive always thought of him as having loads of potential. *Hes smart, attractive, funny, is a great cook, compliments me, is amazing in bed and is popular. At the beginning he was very caring and supportive but ive only recently come to terms with the fact that the way he is now is the way he will be until HE gets help. If only i could fast forward life to next year and not have to deal with all of these emotions that come with losing someone ;(


You can't change someone into the person you WANT them to be. You have to accept them for who they are.

Accept that he is an abuser and move on with you life.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I think abusers are generally like that. They are the extremes of humanity. They are absolutely wonderful in absolutely every way. And so you fall head over heels in love with them. And then reality kicks in. When you get 2 extremes like that, there is no middle ground. That is why they are so attractive. The good extreme is the best you have ever experienced. You feel wonderful with this man, this man makes you feel great, this man is all you have ever wanted in a man. 

And then the other extreme kicks in. They need the good side to counteract the bad side. And by god so it does. So much so that people stay with abusive partners due to the good bit being so damn good! Life is a balance. Most people are kinda middle of the road great. Others, they have the good extreme, and the bad extreme. That is their balance. 

Some are just totally unbalanced. But then they are the people in jail, mental institution, or just weird loners you wouldn't trust your kids with. 

The balance of the amazing too good to be true man is the total fu*kedupness that he bestows on those closest to him.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

JB is correct, get away from an abuser. You do not need that in your life. It must have been one heck of an arguement to have the police show up.

Imagine raising children in that unhealthy environment.

Good luck

WD


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You could get a long ways away in 5 days. 
Physically and emotionally.
Do whatever it takes to get yourself into a stable place.
Get out and spend time with both genders, and observe how much better other people can act. Then ask yourself, why do I want less than this?


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