# How would you go about death during early seperation/divorce?



## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

I just had to make the decision today to contact H about the death of a mutual friends mother. Since she is a female friend (and closer to me than him) I recieved the news. She doesn't know about our seperation yet and it makes things difficult. I know she fully expects me to inform him (as she thinks we are together.) 
However, with our current situation and me not wanting to contact him for anything right now... How do the dynamics change?
This was my question to myself for the last three days since I found out about the death. Should I or Not???
Today came, and my best friend said, "Maybe you should just text him the info, because if he finds out, and couldn't pay his respects because of you, it might make things look worse". 
With that being said, I reluctantly texted him " Thought you should know ..... Mother passed and here is the memorial arrangement info." 
I didn't hear anything back from him. (PS: He has always been very respectful towards all our friends, really!!) 
I went to the funeral alone, put my wedding bands back on just for the occassion and did my usual excuses for him "Yes, he's fine.... working late tonight." 
I really didn't want to text him at all about this! Selfish yes, but clearly my thought was, if he doesn't care about me, his wife, partner of nine years, clearly he wouldn't be lost if he didn't know.
I felt so much anxiety after I did the text. I didn't think he was worthy to get this info, not from me anyway. By him not responding, I kinda gathered that he is out of town/country because this is his week off from work and I know we always go out of the country on his weeks off. 
Besides all this, I clearly knew my mind would be racing with all the days events. Wondering, If, Where, Who Re: Coward ...
I stayed at the funeral shortly, made my apologies for him not being able to be there and left. 
So again I ask ... How would you go about death during early seperation/divorce?


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

I wouldn't put my bands back on or make excuses for her if she didn't show but I would inform her of it as direct as possible. I would also ask her if she would like me to pick her up etc. I think death of a loved one defnitley falls into the category of unordinary circumstance


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