# Would you consider this porn?



## funnybunny29

I was looking up something on my husband's phone last night and came across his search history. Wow! It turns out he's been watching a lot of live striptease videos. He doesn't consider it porn. He would only consider it porn if the women were masturbating and he claims he doesn't watch those videos. :scratchhead: What do you guys think?


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## GusPolinski

Yes.

Merriam Webster Online Dictionary - Pornography

1 - the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement

2 - material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement

3 - the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction <the pornography of violence>


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## GusPolinski

Lila said:


> Was there nudity in the videos?
> 
> I guess if Playboy,with it's pictures of nude women, is considered pornography, then live videos of nude women dancing, by definition, should too.
> 
> The bigger question is Why? Why does he watch these videos?


Bigger question... _Why *doesn't she?*_

LOL, just kidding... (Or am I...?)


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## funnybunny29

Lila said:


> Was there nudity in the videos?
> 
> I guess if Playboy,with it's pictures of nude women, is considered pornography, then live videos of nude women dancing, by definition, should too.
> 
> The bigger question is Why? Why does he watch these videos?


Yes, there is nudity. These women start out in a bra and panties and end up completely nude. 

He claims he was viewing them to spark his libido since he has low testosterone. I don't believe this because we were only having sex once a month. I'm not even sure if he has low testosterone. He's a habitual liar. 

I asked him if he masturbated to theses videos and he said he's only done so twice. I don't believe that either. I have a hard time believing anything he says anymore.

Just another issue we need to discuss in therapy.


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## funnybunny29

GusPolinski said:


> Bigger question... _Why *doesn't she?*_
> 
> LOL, just kidding... (Or am I...?)


Gus,

You're asking me why I'm not watching these videos with him? He was hiding it from me.


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## GusPolinski

funnybunny29 said:


> Gus,
> 
> You're asking me why I'm not watching these videos with him? He was hiding it from me.


Well I was joking, but fair enough.


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## richie33

GusPolinski said:


> Yes.
> 
> Merriam Webster Online Dictionary - Pornography
> 
> 1 - the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
> 
> 2 - material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement
> 
> 3 - the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction <the pornography of violence>


As per number 1.2.3 I guess all those decades my mom was watching soap operas she was watching porn.


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## GusPolinski

funnybunny29 said:


> He claims he was viewing them to spark his libido since he has low testosterone.


Dietary changes and lifting weights (and maybe a supplement or two) will go a long way in helping him to get his testosterone back in line, which would do a much better job of "sparking his libido".


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## GusPolinski

richie33 said:


> As per number 1.2.3 I guess all those decades my mom was watching soap operas she was watching porn.


Ha, no doubt. Add pretty much anything shown on Investigative Discovery and at least half of what's on Lifetime to the list as well.


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## funnybunny29

Lila said:


> I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds very upsetting. Please don't let his "affinity" for internet porn affect your self-esteem.
> 
> I don't know if this would be considered enabling a possible addiction, but would he get turned on if YOU were to perform a strip tease dance for him? Spice up the action in the bedroom sort of speak.
> 
> BTW, Why would you think he's lying to you about the low-T? Is he under a physician's care for his low-T?


I think he's lying because he's a habitual liar. He has also admitted he's not sure if he wasn't having sex with me because of the low-T or because our sex life was boring. I asked him what I could do to spice things up and he didn't have any suggestions. He said it was all on me. 

He claims he was under a physician's care and took a testosterone replacement for about 4 months and it did nothing. He's concerned about taking testosterone because he feels it will worsen his sleep apnea and negatively effect his heart. He had a heart attack at the age of 32. 

I would be more than willing to do a striptease for him. Our sex life has vastly improved in the past month so he said he hasn't looked at these sites at all lately.


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## funnybunny29

GusPolinski said:


> Dietary changes and lifting weights (and maybe a supplement or two) will go a long way in helping him to get his testosterone back in line, which would do a much better job of "sparking his libido".


He made a lot of dietary changes after his heart attack and started going to the gym. He didn't stick to either.


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## sparkyjim

funnybunny29 said:


> .... because our sex life was boring. I asked him what I could do to spice things up and he didn't have any suggestions. He said it was all on me.



Warning.... I am going to go on a mini rant here....


I have seen this so many times I am getting sick of it. He claims the sex life is boring but he has nary a suggestion on how to spice it up?

I had this exchange with someone once. They complained that they were bored with life and I responded "Maybe *your *just boring..."

I have a pretty spicy sex life now with my wife. Why? Because I have ideas and I bring them to the bedroom. Granted, she is like minded and likes to do the things I suggest, so the dynamics are conducive to having fun. But my point is that I am leading in this area. I am the one who wants to have the exciting sex life. I say this, because she has admitted that I have woken up her sexuality. Her other relationships have been with "duds" - so to say. 

And this is where I think porn comes in - a guy is bored, has no idea of what to do about it, so he spices up his life with porn, and then because the porn makes him feel better he thinks that what they did in the porn video is what he needs in his sex life with his wife. Meanwhile, he is still "boring" and this new thing that he suggests ( if he even does suggest it ) doesn't measure up to what he saw in the porn video and so he quickly reverts to his old boring self.

I am well known on this site for speaking about the problems that porn can cause. I have never spoken out against porn from the viewpoint of prudity. I could not be accused of that. 

But I think that some men can be too lazy in the bedroom, and that what they see acted out in porn movies too easily becomes the default thing that they think they need in their life.

And I guess that is the point of my rant. Why is this all on you?


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## trey69

Its not "all on you!" Tell him you would like to seek MC for this issues, if hes unwilling to go, and this is a deal breaker for you, then you will need to come to a decision on how you want to spend your life. 

Low T can sometimes be balanced out with diet changes and supplements. If hes unwilling to try that to see if it helps, then he probably doesn't care enough about himself or the marriage to try and fix things. Also a habitual liar, has no place in a loving, respectful, caring marriage, period.


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## funnybunny29

We are going to mc and our sex life has improved. I appreciate all of your replies. Thank you!


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## HuggyBear

Lila said:


> Was there nudity in the videos?
> 
> I guess if Playboy,with it's pictures of nude women, is considered pornography, then live videos of nude women dancing, by definition, should too.
> 
> The bigger question is Why? Why does he watch these videos?


I live in a country where porn production is illegal. Importing porn has somewhere around a 80% excise on it. Magazines like "Hustler" and others of the ilk aren't even allowed to be sold.

That said, they have Playboy here, and topless-style mags also. We also have what I'm told are incredible strip clubs here, too.

I'm just going to say it's "erotic art", and leave it at that. When I was young, and there was no internet, I knew guys who used books with religious art in them as pornography... I wonder how THAT affected their adult sex lives!

Just to mention, in Ukraine pornography is completely illegal, but the country publishes Playboy... maybe Western Ukraine is up in arms about wanting porn...

They are sold under the descriptor "men's magazines", and are not considered porn. Stripping is just erotic dance. Unless there's some kind of (obvious) problem, I would recommend "letting boys be boys".


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## darkwing

All guys watch porn. Even my best friend, who doesn't flirt with girls watch porn. Yes, he is married.

TBH, if there is not no porn (and kids), I would probably ended my marriage long time ago. Sex is not part of the my post marriage and fatherhood life. If there is sex, it is very dry.


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## Married but Happy

Do you read romance novels?


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## SamuraiJack

GusPolinski said:


> Ha, no doubt. Add pretty much anything shown on Investigative Discovery and at least half of what's on Lifetime to the list as well.


Haha! I watch Investigation Discovery whenever Im feeling blue about my marriage.
Its a great reminder of how truly BAD things can get.
After one or two shows I usually feel great about my divorce!


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