# "I'm going to start taking it"



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

I just read another post from another female poster where she said her husb jokingly said something like this. Many said that was abudive. Now it may be in her instance. However each couple has their own sense of humor, and while one person on the outside may think it's wrong, both involved parties shrug it off.

On average we have sex 2-3 times a week and I know my h would have it everyday if possible. He has said he was going to take it jokingly, and once or twice pretended to attempt to force me,(basically to show me how easy it would be) but in 20 yrs of marriage he never has and I know he never would do something like that. Just curious if other husbands have joked about that?


----------



## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

My talk to her wasn't a joke when divorce was on the table ; I told her after years of sexless marriage either u make yourself available for me one or two times per week or I am out ; there was a pact that say I would do it 2 times per week ....
at that time I lasted 3 times and I quit ...

I am not sure if you consider this as force ?
or u mean physical force ?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

No, have never joked about that. I can see where some couples would be able to joke about it without it being creepy, but I couldn't and wouldn't. I did tell my ex that if she didn't want to, I'd get someone else. I wasn't joking - I divorced her and did what I said.

Did I mention my wife is an advanced black belt? No one is going to take anything without her full cooperation!


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I've never joked about it. Rape is incredibly damaging to a person -male or female. 

My Mrs. though, does like to be just taken sometimes -forcefully...BUT..she gives me the signals for that, and I go with it. NAWALT..NAWALT...NAWALT...NAWALT...NAWALT

Caution taken should be extreme though, because if she isn't into that..the destruction to her sense of security and safety would be probably irreparable. 

With all things..communication is absolutely key. If you aren't 1000% sure that she wants that...Don't even think about going there.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
It is really unfortunate when someone wants to be "taken" but doesn't communicate very clearly - can lead to tragic misunderstandings. 

Its a fine game if both people enjoy, but its never save to rely on your partner knowing when you "really" mean stop as opposed to just saying "stop". 

Needless to say, never take the risk of forcing someone unless you are absolutely totally sure that they are playing along.


----------



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Not talking about role play, but a man/husband saying it when he gets sexually frustrated.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> No, have never joked about that. I can see where some couples would be able to joke about it without it being creepy, but I couldn't and wouldn't. I did tell my ex that if she didn't want to, I'd get someone else. I wasn't joking - I divorced her and did what I said.
> 
> Did I mention my wife is an advanced black belt? No one is going to take anything without her full cooperation!


Yeah, me too. That kind of thing wouldn't end well for my husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I would never say that and I think it is opening a bad can of worms to even suggest in kiddingly. What starts out as a playful move by a frustrated husband can soon turn into rape, as soon as she finds it not funny anymore.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> I just read another post from another female poster where she said her husb jokingly said something like this. Many said that was abudive. Now it may be in her instance. However each couple has their own sense of humor, and while one person on the outside may think it's wrong, both involved parties shrug it off.
> 
> On average we have sex 2-3 times a week and I know my h would have it everyday if possible. He has said he was going to take it jokingly, and once or twice pretended to attempt to force me,(basically to show me how easy it would be) but in 20 yrs of marriage he never has and I know he never would do something like that. Just curious if other husbands have joked about that?


Eh... I've probably said something like that to Mrs. Gus before, but I'd have only said it within the context of a very light-hearted, joke-y, and humorous conversation.

And with a wink and a smile. 

And yeah, I've pulled her onto the bed before, all laughing and smiles, but not to show her "how easy it would be". She knows that I'd never take anything from her that wasn't freely offered.


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Not talking about role play, but a man/husband saying it when he gets sexually frustrated.


Well then...that's a different thing entirely. 

If a man is to the point that he is so frustrated with a lack of sex with his wife that he would consider raping her...He is dangerously delusional about what is or is not appropriate...as well as the reality of the issues within his marriage and himself. 

It seems to be an argument stemming from the idea that lack of sex if the fault of the wife -not the couple. A man cannot talk a woman into attraction..She either is or isn't. Without attraction the sex will be mediocre or non-existent. This could be caused by some issue with the male or could even be a medical issue with the female. Sex or lack thereof is a symptom of the state of the marriage relationship. within a marriage (or other relationship) Forced sexual activity/Rape...is merely attempting to alleviate the symptom of a problem without any idea of or regard for the cause. 

This isn't even mentioning that rape is a crime of violence...not sex. The idea is idiotic and reprehensible...not even mentioning that it would, in very short order, ensure that the female in question would never again even remotely consider being in the same room with the perpetrator, let alone having sex with the perpetrator again (at least in my male brain assumption). 

A man will catch more flys with honey...and more felony convictions with rape.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
the potentially dangerous situation is when some sexually frustrated husband takes the "man up" and "stop being beta" suggestions too far.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> I just read another post from another female poster where she said her husb jokingly said something like this. Many said that was abudive. Now it may be in her instance. However each couple has their own sense of humor, and while one person on the outside may think it's wrong, both involved parties shrug it off.
> 
> On average we have sex 2-3 times a week and I know my h would have it everyday if possible. He has said he was going to take it jokingly, and once or twice pretended to attempt to force me,(basically to show me how easy it would be) but in 20 yrs of marriage he never has and I know he never would do something like that. Just curious if other husbands have joked about that?


It would be abuse if he was taking and she didn't want him to.

There have been times I've come home, kissed her hard and without a word just bent her over the table and had my way with her as selfishly as a man possibly can.

If at any point she had said "WTF are you doing get off of me you ape!" I would have backed off and felt myself a fool apologizing incessantly.

This is all just part of the game we play.
This is acceptable because it excites her and generally I am an attentive lover whose pleasure is derived from her pleasure.

If she ain't digging it I'm not either and she knows this


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> the potentially dangerous situation is when some sexually frustrated husband takes the "man up" and "stop being beta" suggestions too far.


:iagree:

This is what I find scary about all the guys that are told to start being more dominant in the bedroom. Guaranteed to make your wife randy! 

Dominant means different things to different people. 

Take the wrong frustrated guy at the end of his rope, add a load of resentment, a dash of entitlement, and the wrong advice....


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
There is also the effect that being sexually aroused can distort your judgement. I'm NOT saying it removes responsibility, but it can increase the chances that you will misread signs of unhappiness.




Fozzy said:


> :iagree:
> 
> This is what I find scary about all the guys that are told to start being more dominant in the bedroom. Guaranteed to make your wife randy!
> 
> ...


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Not talking about role play, but a man/husband saying it when he gets sexually frustrated.


Under these circumstances, there would be nothing funny about joking about "taking it." I suspect it wouldn't feel at all funny to the wife of the frustrated guy who was saying it. 

If I were a wife whose husband was frustrated at not having the sex he wants and made a "joke" about "taking it," I would consider it a threat, not a joke.


----------



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

norajane said:


> Under these circumstances, there would be nothing funny about joking about "taking it." I suspect it wouldn't feel at all funny to the wife of the frustrated guy who was saying it.
> 
> If I were a wife whose husband was frustrated at not having the sex he wants and made a "joke" about "taking it," I would consider it a threat, not a joke.


Yes, and the OP said it scared her when he said that. I immediately thought about the few times my husband said it to me, but I didn't take him seriously. I knew he was horny and it was said half jokingly and half out of frustration. I called his bluff and said "you wouldn't". I was already on the bed so he came over to show me how little effort it would take(which it did) but he never actually completed the act. This was years ago.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I bought up the OG topic with Mrs. She wasn't to sure about it but because she hates the decision to have sex phase, one day not long after she just turned to me and said "I thought you were going to just caveman this". 

To put it simply, she responds better to a confident assumption than to a polite request. 
MN


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> I just read another post from another female poster where she said her husb jokingly said something like this.


Yes, I read that. Unless a guy said it in a non-joking matter and was dead serious, its absurd to call it abusive. Once you consider the source, you won't think anything of it.

I could have seen myself saying something like that back in the day when other priorities, like kids, took over and maybe sex wasn't that frequent(before the outright rejections later on).

I could have said, "well I'm just going to take it", being jovial and kidding around with my, then, wife. And for anyone to say that's abusive is ridiculous. 

Its like nobody can kid around with each other anymore. There is just a certain element on this site that will see men as pigs even when trying to have a laugh with their wives.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

vellocet said:


> Yes, I read that. Unless a guy said it in a non-joking matter and was dead serious, its absurd to call it abusive. Once you consider the source, you won't think anything of it.
> 
> I could have seen myself saying something like that back in the day when other priorities, like kids, took over and maybe sex wasn't that frequent(before the outright rejections later on).
> 
> ...


When a wife doesn't want to have sex because life's other priorities have taken up both her time, energy and feelings of sexual desire, what part of "well I'm just going to take it" is funny? 

Where is the joke there? What is funny about it?


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening norajane
The subtle clues, and the couple's past history make all the difference between a humorous suggestion and a threat. 






norajane said:


> When a wife doesn't want to have sex because life's other priorities have taken up both her time, energy and feelings of sexual desire, what part of "well I'm just going to take it" is funny?
> 
> Where is the joke there? What is funny about it?


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

If it gets to a not joking or not role playing "I'm going to take it" then its time to get a divorce and be "taking it" somewhere else.


----------



## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

IMO rape is something that should never be joked about, no matter the context. If my husband ever said something like this to me I'd throw up on his face and kick him out.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

norajane said:


> When a wife doesn't want to have sex because life's other priorities have taken up both her time, energy and feelings of sexual desire, what part of "well I'm just going to take it" is funny?
> 
> Where is the joke there? What is funny about it?


The part where the man may not like his wife rejecting him, but isn't all nuclear about it and trying be light hearted of a really crappy situation. Also depends on how it is delivered.

Maybe it might not be funny, depends on the people involve and the situation.

But to call it abusive is ridiculous.

If not, then her denial of intimacy, sex, whatever, then can be considered abusive. Maybe instead of a guy saying that, he should instead say, "you are emotionally abusive to me"
Would that be better? I'm guessing not. The guy is just going to have to put up with it.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

vellocet said:


> The part where the man may not like his wife rejecting him, but isn't all nuclear about it and trying be light hearted of a really crappy situation. Also depends on how it is delivered.
> 
> Maybe it might not be funny, depends on the people involve and the situation.
> 
> ...


I agree that some people do "joke" about things they are deadly serious about but are either afraid or hesitant to deal with directly.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

norajane said:


> I agree that some people do "joke" about things they are deadly serious about but are either afraid or hesitant to deal with directly.


I see what you are saying. The intent matter IMO.

Like me, I was neglected in my marriage, no sex. I wasn't overly upset about it(until I found out she was cheating). I just chalked it up to, as you said, married life, parenthood taking over, etc.

I could have seen myself saying something like that, then smacking her on the butt in a playful way and she'd know I wasn't serious one bit. Just making a comment about how things have calmed down in our life.

Now if you have someone who resents the hell out of being neglected and says that in an angry resentful way, then I fully agree with you.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

There's nothing wrong with a person never wanting to indulge in sex.
It's just that I personally will never be interested in any woman who only has sex with me because she feels it's an obligation.
Had that for over twenty years and would never consider it again.


----------

