# Newly separated & having other girlfriends around kids



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I don't know how I can approach this or even if there's anything I can do, but I just found out yesterday that my H had his 22 year old girlfriend at his place with my 9 year old twins on his very first scheduled weekend visitation. She's also newly separated with a 1 year old child herself. My kids told me about some girl last weekend at his place and I asked him on text and he claimed it was someone he didn't know that my daughter knew.. it didn't make sense but I let it go and my H assured me that I have nothing to worry about and that he wouldn't do that... but then there was a FB posting this weekend that made me curious about her and my kids told me that was daddy's friend that was with them last weekend.

In the best interest of my kids, what can I do, if anything? We each have attorneys and I want to bring this up. I honestly don't care about him and who's he with but he has my kids every other weekend and he's already introducing them to someone else and lying about it and the divorce is barely underway  


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

It needs to be stated in your parenting agreement that boyfriends/girlfriends cannot be introduced to the children until a certain time has passed (like 6 months, 8 months, whatever you decide).

Kids do not take well to parents who have revolving door relationships with multiple partners, and courts know this, so they don't look too favorably when one of the agreements is breached and there is proof.

It sounds like the two of you did not really talk about specifics with the parenting agreement. Many, many parents on this forum will tell you that it's an absolute must to set straight any points that might be foggy and nebulous. That's the only way that you can parent on paper with any sticking power.

So, you're separated. When's the divorce?
You need an agreement in place, pronto. If he's already got a new girlfriend, it's even more poignant to get it done and signed. Speak with your lawyer.

ETA: I just read your other thread (didn't know it existed or I forgot... sorry). You've been advised to get a lawyer, secure marital property, and start the divorce process. Where do you stand in all of that, currently?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Talk to your lawyer immediately, and lay down the rules of parenting. Your kids are still young, so this is something you have a say in.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Satya said:


> It needs to be stated in your parenting agreement that boyfriends/girlfriends cannot be introduced to the children until a certain time has passed (like 6 months, 8 months, whatever you decide).
> 
> Kids do not take well to parents who have revolving door relationships with multiple partners, and courts know this, so they don't look too favorably when one of the agreements is breached and there is proof.
> 
> ...




I have an email into my lawyer. We have a temp agreement in place in that he gets them every other weekend.. no stipulations on girlfriends at this point. But he lied to me when I asked him about her last weekend, so I'm pretty sure it's not suppose to be happening and he knows it... not to mention I wonder if her husband was aware of the affair. In any event thank you and I've reached out to my attorney and will see what he says. 


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Cherry said:


> I have an email into my lawyer. We have a temp agreement in place in that he gets them every other weekend.. no stipulations on girlfriends at this point. But he lied to me when I asked him about her last weekend, so I'm pretty sure it's not suppose to be happening and he knows it... not to mention I wonder if her husband was aware of the affair. In any event thank you and I've reached out to my attorney and will see what he says.


Great, you should get the info straight from your lawyer.
The fact that he is dating a married woman makes things even worse for your kids. What a horrible example to set.

IIWY, I'd try to make contact with the OW's husband to let him know, even anonymously.

Your husband would rather lie and use subterfuge to further his selfish agenda. He is not interested in co-parenting responsibly. He just wants his kicks. That alone says quite a bit about his character.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Inform your attorney about this immediately! Your STBXH could well get his a$$ thrown under the train by your presiding court judge.

The legal system takes an extremely dim view of this activity going on during a divorce, much less post-divorce, unless, of course, he actually comes to marry the woman!*


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

In our state the courts will sometimes order no unrelated adults of the opposite sex can stay the night when the children are in residence and they will rarely order no introduction of new romantic partners for XX time. The reality is, though, that enforcement is a problem. 

For example, it's fairly easy to get around the "no unrelated adults of the opposite gender overnight" rules. New partners come over in the morning, leave at midnight or later, and this is not in violation of the court order because the partner did not spend the night. Same with not introducing romantic partners for XX time. As long as the person being introduced is introduced as a friend and they don't do anything to indicate they are a romantic couple in front of the kid(s), the court can't do much. You're not likely to find a judge willing to tell a grown human they aren't allowed to have opposite gender friends or that they cannot have their friends around the children unless said friends can be proven to be a danger to the health and safety of the children.

I'm not saying don't try, but that you should be prepared for your STBX to dance up and down the line staying just this side of not violating court orders while still having his "friends" present in his and the kids lives.

I left my exH when the kids were 6 and 1. For the first near year, he had the girls Friday evening to Sunday evening every week. I recognized that, as much as I loathed the jackass, he was their father and had a right to make parenting decisions when the kids were with him, including who he'd introduce them to. I wasn't concerned with his personal relationships, but I was concerned with how his "friends" treated my girls. As long as the kids were bathed, clothed, fed, and supervised while under his care and the "friends" treated the kids kindly, I sucked it up and stayed out of it.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

So my attorney says that if she continues to hang around my kids during his limited as it is parenting time, and the fact that she is married herself, presents a character issue for my impressionable children. My husband is trying to deny that she's been around... it was my 9 year old's who told me about her.. so he's calling my kids liars when he's the one who can't tell the truth, ever rarely did in this marriage and he lied under oath to the judge in mid September. Anyway, I'm going to press on and ever so often and discretely try to find out if she's been around them. I don't know how else to do it. I did contact her husband, I know they're separated.. so he may not care. But he may care about his child like I do mine. We'll see. 


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