# Three weeks ago today.....



## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

I moved out....
Every Thursday I think of it. One week, two weeks and now today, three weeks. Almost doesn't seem real, my headboard to my massive bed is still downstairs (can't get it upstairs) but this feels like home. I've been back to the house (as my son is calling it, "the real house") and I don't feel like I lived there. Maybe b/c so much of my time was spent either in my son's playroom or me in my bed room, and I say mine b/c my H hasn't shared a bed with me in 10 years....actually never slept in my bed b/c I got it a few years back.

My H and I have spent time together (chit chatting) at the ball field, and about a brush fire across the street from our house but nothing about us. I tried so hard to get him to talk, go to therapy, anything when I was there...I'm tired. When we've been alone, he's hugged me, told me he loves me and misses me but I don't believe him....

Do I just sit back and wait for him to talk to me about us? Maybe three weeks isn't long enough, he's probably still in denial. He is stubborn and full of pride...I can't change him, and I don't want to. I think that he should want to do something. It amazes me he isn't trying anything but maybe that's me living in denial.

So here I go....keeping it moving, trying to be happy and loving my son. And smiling....gotta keep smiling


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

JustAGirl said:


> It amazes me he isn't trying anything but maybe that's me living in denial.


Hi JAG, 3 weeks, yeah, he is probably still in denial, for me it has been 4 weeks and I still can really believe what has happened 
And yes, I put on the smile most of the time, only really open up with the councilors & my family.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Are you still working on separation papers? He might need something more "tangible" like that to wake him up.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Hi JAG:
Next time you are with him (away from others; of course) try asking him this (would be great if you could time it after he hugs you and says he misses you)---what do you see as the next step with us and where we are going (or not going)? then don't say another word until he responds. he has to be thinking about it/the future. I think three weeks is long enough to atleast have some ideas/discussion of "where do we go from here?".
I'm sure it is tough for your son and I admire how you are keeping a smile, etc. and keeping yourself together.
Another thing you could say to your husband (he's not an ex....so far) when he says he misses you (but you have to say it as nicely and sincerely as possible)---is that you have missed him for years and that is what has brought you guys to this point (he's a guy...give him specifics ie: sleeping apart, lack of sex, not enough talking together, etc., etc.).
He will need to start opening up (and doing things differently) if your marriage has a chance-----don't hesitate to remind him of that (again----as nice as you can. he may get defensive.).
Good luck!
Another great open-ended question could be: what would be your idea of a perfect relationship with us? I know nothing is perfect but it is something to try to hear where he's at, etc.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> Hi JAG, 3 weeks, yeah, he is probably still in denial, for me it has been 4 weeks and I still can really believe what has happened
> And yes, I put on the smile most of the time, only really open up with the councilors & my family.


 I'm sorry


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> Are you still working on separation papers? He might need something more "tangible" like that to wake him up.


I kinda put that on hold b/c he finally agreed on some terms.
My problem is, here in SC...we don't have a "legal separation" we do have what's called a "separation order" and if he'd come into my attorney's office, she could draw them up and I believe we go in front of a judge to make it official. Problem is, he said he wouldn't step foot in her office....now what? So I haven't done anything yet....I'm such a wuss, huh?


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> Hi JAG:
> Next time you are with him (away from others; of course) try asking him this (would be great if you could time it after he hugs you and says he misses you)---what do you see as the next step with us and where we are going (or not going)? then don't say another word until he responds. he has to be thinking about it/the future. I think three weeks is long enough to atleast have some ideas/discussion of "where do we go from here?".
> I'm sure it is tough for your son and I admire how you are keeping a smile, etc. and keeping yourself together.
> Another thing you could say to your husband (he's not an ex....so far) when he says he misses you (but you have to say it as nicely and sincerely as possible)---is that you have missed him for years and that is what has brought you guys to this point (he's a guy...give him specifics ie: sleeping apart, lack of sex, not enough talking together, etc., etc.).
> ...



I've actually said some of those things to him while I was there....but b/c he didn't talk then, haven't really tried since.

I know him so well, I just can hear it now to any of those questions, "What do you mean?" Stock answer...then he makes me explain more, I get upset and cry and he just says, "You don't have to move out, you can come home."

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

yeah-----GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR that would bug me too. so, next question for you....if things do not change; what are you going to do next? is there a "deadline"? hang in there!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> yeah-----GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR that would bug me too. so, next question for you....if things do not change; what are you going to do next? is there a "deadline"? hang in there!


Deadline is 6 months....
My lease for my condo and my patience runs out! lol

Thanks for being here for me!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

JustAGirl said:


> Deadline is 6 months....
> My lease for my condo and my patience runs out! lol
> 
> Thanks for being here for me!


Do you go "month to month" at the end of the six? If so, just beware that it gives you a good excuse to continue to delay moving forward...


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> Do you go "month to month" at the end of the six? If so, just beware that it gives you a good excuse to continue to delay moving forward...


No...actually it was supposed to be a one year lease but I told him my situation and he said he'd work with me....I have no idea what will happen at the end of this six months....guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

okay---so now I have to be practical----are you okay financially through all this. is your husband "stepping up" and taking care of his responsibilities?


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> okay---so now I have to be practical----are you okay financially through all this. is your husband "stepping up" and taking care of his responsibilities?


I'm ok....trying to be smart w/spending.
I know what I have to pay etc.

And since he wouldn't leave and go stay at his parents VACANT home, he has the house and the bills that go with it.

I even gave him all the info...
Broken down when they are due, what they are, how much they average, log in and passwords...which he changed, but whatever.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

I only asked because without you being separated (legally) he could probably increase your debt, damage your credit, etc..
You mentioned in your other thread that you would have him "buy you out" of the house------do you know your home's value, equity, etc.? Homes have dropped sharply in value over the past 5 years and many people are shocked with this (I am very experienced in real estate matters). You'd also want to get off the "note" if it comes to this----your lawyer will fill you in. Just trying to give you a "heads up"......
strange that he changed passwords-----he really may be thinking that you are not coming back.
on a lighter note---snow, freezing rain and wind coming! YUCK!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

WNBH,


You really need to move south... But then you give up all that great skiing near by... choices, choices.

JAG, I agree with WNBH. If you are sure your direction, you need to start protecting yourself. I could give you suggestions, but your smart enough to know what to do. This is the dark side of it all.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> I only asked because without you being separated (legally) he could probably increase your debt, damage your credit, etc..
> You mentioned in your other thread that you would have him "buy you out" of the house------do you know your home's value, equity, etc.? Homes have dropped sharply in value over the past 5 years and many people are shocked with this (I am very experienced in real estate matters). You'd also want to get off the "note" if it comes to this----your lawyer will fill you in. Just trying to give you a "heads up"......
> strange that he changed passwords-----he really may be thinking that you are not coming back.
> on a lighter note---snow, freezing rain and wind coming! YUCK!


He's a pretty responsible guy...but yes, this is being covered w/my attorney. 

I copied all the paperwork for anything we own....and my attorney has copies too.

Keep the ideas coming...you might know or thought of something I haven't! Thank you!!!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Feelingalone said:


> WNBH,
> 
> 
> You really need to move south... But then you give up all that great skiing near by... choices, choices.
> ...





> You really need to move south... But then you give up all that great skiing near by... choices, choices.


I agree, but there are some places to ski around here! 



> This is the dark side of it all.


I've been told not to go to the dark side, they actually DON'T have cookies! lol


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Yes there is skiing, but not like in NH and Vermont. I can only imagine the nice powder days they had this year.

U ski JAG?

Wait a minute, nobody told me there weren't cookies on the dark side. I wanna go back to good side.......... And no ice cream, man I was taken.

Yes yoda always said dark side bad....


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Feelingalone said:


> Yes there is skiing, but not like in NH and Vermont. I can only imagine the nice powder days they had this year.
> 
> U ski JAG?
> 
> ...


Well...I merely wanted to point out that there are places to ski here...I love to ski...snow or water but haven't really since my wreck and all these screws/plate is in my ankle. I would try, but I've been held down...I can't wait for Spring...I am headed to the coast and *NO ONE *can stop me!

I've been to the dark side... no cookies, no ice cream and no soda!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

JaG..i just saw that you're in SC....i might be moving to Charleston in 2 months...are you close to CHS ...?


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

vivea said:


> JaG..i just saw that you're in SC....i might be moving to Charleston in 2 months...are you close to CHS ...?


Three hours!!!
I love Chucktown! Hope to be making a trip there very soon....just waiting on the temps. I've got some family there.
Have you been there before? I'm guessing you checked out the area? I'm so jealous....I love it there!


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

that accident sounds like a bad one....
so, when is it beach time in SC ?


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yeah i lived there for a little (Mt.Pleasant) but we did make trips every 3 months or so ,my H. parents live there.
That is where we met with my H. ...very sentimental place for me/us.

I absolutely love the place i just want to enjoy it with H. ...you know. 

I was supposed to be there already  ,i changed my destination at the last moment and stayed in GA. H. wanted us to live separated there ,we had an apartment waiting for us(me and kids) ....couldn't do it.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> that accident sounds like a bad one....
> so, when is it beach time in SC ?


Well...mother nature is playing a mean trick on us at the moment. It's been beautiful here but I'm waiting on the bad weather tomorrow and I'm sure there will be the good ole winter storm that will get us before it's said and done.

April and May typically are nice here, we think we'll have a spring season and them "BAM" it just gets hot! I'll be making a trip to Charleston in the next couple of months....but i won't pull out the bathing suit this trip 



> *vivea* Yeah i lived there for a little (Mt.Pleasant) but we did make trips every 3 months or so ,my H. parents live there.
> That is where we met with my H. ...very sentimental place for me/us.
> 
> I absolutely love the place i just want to enjoy it with H. ...you know.
> ...


I'm sorry, that has to be tough!


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