# does my husband really hate me? seriously lost!!.. looking for opinions/advice



## jtyler213 (Jun 21, 2011)

my husband has come to the decision that it is time for us to no longer be married. we've been together for almost 16 years & married for about 17 months. we have an 8 year old daughter and a son on the way here in about 6 weeks. over the years we've been together we've had our more than fair share of arguments. i have stood up for the things that i believe in; like spening time w/our child, being a little more involved in our lives, could he please help around the house once in a while, could he not spend 15 hours on his off days on the computer, things i felt were a legit request. all which he feels i've nagged, smothered, & kept him from growing as a person. we have been through literally everything together, all except physically cheating on each other. we both have "emotionally" cheated. i before we were married, & i told husband everything. my husband was talking to another woman 6mos after we were married. 

anyway, the last year has been especially rough. we have said horrible things out of anger. he's said i was a horrible mom/person. the worst wife ever. i have no heart or soul. so in a bad choice i've said the same things to him; but i am being nailed to the cross for what i've said. & it's like the things that he has said to me are null & void. things had even come to him pushing me & i pushing him, physically. 5 months ago he said he was done, wanted a divorce & for me to get my crap & get out. things were really tough, so i left. after being gone for over a week, he asked me to come back home. a month went by & the same thing happened, but it involved my brother as well. my husband was angry at me b/c he felt that i was trying to control him in regards to adding to his instrument collection. I just commented on the fact that our daughter needs new shoes & some clothes & how i felt that preceeded a drum kit, but i told him do do what he likes. however that terribly upset my husband; he became very angry, proclaiming that i was controlling, smothering him, and wasn't giving him space. He stated that he was finished w/me & for me & my brother to get out crap & get the hell out of his house. he's tired of helping people who use him (my brother was storing some of his belongings at out home & we were keeping his dog as well). i called my brother to tell him that my husband said he need to get his things out of the house. my brother came over loaded his things, & afterward proceeded to provoke a fight with my husband. making statements to my husband how he was a horrible father/husband, all he did was spent his free time on the computer, he made comments about my husband cheating on me. (at while back i confided in my brother about my husband emotionally cheating on me w/another woman). after the horrible fight between my husband & i & him & my brother, 

i once again pack a few of my things & left. after sometime, my husband asked me to come home, i stated that i felt he needed his space & it was best if i didn't come home just yet. he said that if i wanted to try & save our marriage i would come home so we could slowly patch things up. so i went back home. after returning home, i did my best on giving him his space, not asking anyhitng from him, & being supportive as i could. i was so worried about making a wrong move. i ocassionally would ask him if things were ok between us. he get up set & say "just let things lay as they are". but then on the other hand he would blame me for what my brother had done to him, & say that he couldn't get passed what i caused between him & my brother. other times, things seemed to be doing ok, but i was just so worried about where i stood in our marriage, if i was doing the "right things" & if he was feeling ok with me. our finances were in a state of chaos & my husband decided to file for bankrupcty after a long time of paying evry penny he had to creditors. i know/knew my husband was under a lot of stress & i was doing my best to be there for him. i cook, clean, luandry, school stuff, grocery shop, work, pay everything but the mortage. & i was always ensuring that i was encouraging him & praising hm on how good of a dad he was & how hard he worked & how much he was loved. 

well i guess i ended up ruining that b/c of one evening he was very upset, quiet & seemed to be stewing about something. i proceeded to ask him if he had a minute to talk (b/c i wanted to know if there was something i could do to help, & i was wondering if i was the cause for him being upset). well my husband just lost it. he said that there was nothing left for us to talk about, we've "talked things to death", & he can't go on like this anymore. & it was inevitable we were going to divorce. He didn't want me to be around him, be in the same house with me, & for me to get the hell out. I was upset & crying a little & asked "so this means we are done?" he said yes. so after he said those things to me. i told him that "ok i would leave if that is what he wanted". 

so i was working on trying to get things in order, preparing to leave as he told me to. well in the course of things i have been let go of my job b/c of missing a bit of work (this pregnancy has been very rough w/complications). so now i am in the position where i have no savings (all my earned income went to supporting my family). i have nowhere to live, & our baby is due in 6 weeks. my husband, from the things he says, is dead set serious getting a divorce. he said that i have ruined everything because i just couldn't be happy w/anything. & he did not tell me to get out. he "just told me to get out of the room he was in" not out of our home. & i always had to be riding his case. as i said before he feels that i have kept him from growing as a person, being the father he wants to be, doing things w/us as a faimily, & having friends that he wants. i've never ever told my husband that he could not have friends or go anywhere. he's his own person! i just told him that i feel a little left out when he leaves me at home & goes out with his friends & their women. & when he has friends that tell him that they "could hook up up w/all the ladies he wanted for the night" that is a little detrimental to my feelings & security. 

Now my husband doesn't want to have anything to do with me. he says we can live in the same house until after i have the baby, but then i need to get my crap together, do what i need to do. he's living his own life & i'm no longer a part of it... i am devestated. i love my husband w/all of my heart. i would walk beside this man until the day i die. anything he asks me to do i do it, because i love him. my heart is tore into a million pieces. i feel so lost & lonely. he isn't going to be in the operationg room when the baby is born; "you're just having a baby, get over it". that hurts so badly. all of this is a result of my actions he says, b/c i am selfish. i've crapped on any good that he's ever done for our family, & do nothing but tear him down. he's said he's no longer my husband, & he'll do whatever he pleases & doesn't give a crap about me or what i do. i've asked him if he still loves me, he says that is none of my business (is it??) i've told him that this isn't what i want, but if this is his decicion & what he wants i have no choice but to accept. he tells me this isn't what he wanted & he wanted to live a life w/his family. but his current actions are a result of the choices i've made in the past. & last night i found him in the garage on the phone to another woman. is it so easy fo him to move on that fast?? i am devestated. it's only been 11 days since he told me he loved me & we were affectionate to each other.

i guess i'm just telling my lengthly story b/c idk if there is anyone else out there going through the same thing. i would just like to hear from people; their advice/opinions... am i sick/crazy for holding on that one last thread of hope that maybe my husband is just punishing me in some form? & he doesn't want to get a divorece?? idk. just looking for advice.... thanks so much before hand.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Give him what he wants - sounds like he's a jerk and you deserve better! "You're just having a baby, get over it" OMG what kind of heartless person says that??? Is he the father???

Big hugs to you. Wow, I am so sorry you're going through this! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jtyler213 (Jun 21, 2011)

yes. he's the father to our 8yr old & baby on the way. he's the only one i've been w/in 16yrs


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

That is one long paragraph!

Whenever I read 15, 16, 17 years it triggers in me a possible MLC (mid life crisis). Over the past year I have seen so many with the same thing with teen years of marriage. Since you have been together most of that time, but only married a short part of that time, it points to a lack of commitment by both of you. This makes it a bit more complicated.

But all in all when EA's happen and you both did it, it is hard to imagine how commited you have both been to this relationship. EA's create an emotional detachment.

Back to the MLC. I think if you are both commited for the sake of the children, you should seek MC. If it is an MLC the fog can lift, but only after time. Patience and perserverance can save the day.

I wish you both well.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm sorry, I tried to read your post but my eye's kept getting lost in the 8" paragraph. Any chance you could edit and hit the return key a couple time?

Thanks.


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