# How do I protect myself?



## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

I am going to be going throuh the process of divorce in the future. My wife says we should go through mediation but I do not trust her and think she will try to do some behind the scenes stuff to get the most out of this divorce. What should I do to not let this happen?


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I need more info. Are you still together.. do you have kids?.. who are the kids with..how long were you married... what caused the marriage to go downhill....


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> I need more info. Are you still together.. do you have kids?.. who are the kids with..how long were you married... what caused the marriage to go downhill....


yep, not enough info for a reasonable response. Sounds like divorce is definite and you have lost all confidence in any honesty from your wife. But even that is supposition.


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## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

Thx for the reply. Married 17yrs. 2 kids 13 and 10. We are living together right now. Everyone still together. Waiting to get through the holidays to do anything. Have no plan yet. Not sure about the demise of the marriage. She came to me about a month ago and wants out. Possible OM? Signs are there.
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is she a stay at home mom (SAHM)? Or does she have a job.

I'm assuming that you have a job. If you don't please clarify.

If she has a job, what % of your joint income does she earn?

Do you have joint or separate checking/savings accounts?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One of the first things to do is to make sure that you have copies of the statements for all of your and her financial information.

Make sure you also get copies (or originals) of all important family papers such as birth certificates, marriage license,etc.

Secure all family photos, etc. If they are electronic get copies for yourself. If they are photos on paper get copies made. Or figure out a way to split them. Often one spouse will grab these and the other never gets any of them.

Find a safe place to put all of this info. Either keep them at a friend or family member's house or rent a small storage space.

If you have any kind of valuable collections, move these to the safe place you have setup.


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## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Is she a stay at home mom (SAHM)? Or does she have a job.
> 
> I'm assuming that you have a job. If you don't please clarify.
> 
> ...


Funny you should ask. I am working two jobs right now. She has been out on workers comp for about 1-1/2 yrs. Got hurt at work. So she stays at home and takes care of things.
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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you've got 17 years and a couple kids with her and she came out with this divorce idea only one month ago, I'd drag my heels and let whatever or whomever blow over. Protect yourself financially without being nasty about it but I wouldn't be in a hurry to start divorce paperwork. Maybe a legal separation. Men and women both can act a little goofy around age 40. It passes. Even if there is another guy on the side, most of those fizzle out as well. You've got a lot invested. If she's a complete waste, you have a great chance to dump her but if she's been a decent wife, you may want to develop some unusual patience for a time.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Get a lawyer in place just in case she tries to pull one over on you. If she throws a curve ball on the final day of mediation, pull out your lawyer's card, hand it to her and tell her attorney to call yours and walk away. And get ready for WW3.


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## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> If you've got 17 years and a couple kids with her and she came out with this divorce idea only one month ago, I'd drag my heels and let whatever or whomever blow over. Protect yourself financially without being nasty about it but I wouldn't be in a hurry to start divorce paperwork. Maybe a legal separation. Men and women both can act a little goofy around age 40. It passes. Even if there is another guy on the side, most of those fizzle out as well. You've got a lot invested. If she's a complete waste, you have a great chance to dump her but if she's been a decent wife, you may want to develop some unusual patience for a time.


This is the second time in a year she has done this. We were separated once last year. Got back together and things were awesome. And out of the blue she's not happy and wants out. I don't think we are going to stay in this. Her choice not mine. I was very patient last yr. But have lost patience and trust. Not good!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Sounds like she broke up with OM and then they got back together.

Protect yourself financially. 

Keep good records/journal entries etc.


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## confusedat42 (Dec 17, 2012)

staystrong said:


> Sounds like she broke up with OM and then they got back together.
> 
> Protect yourself financially.
> 
> Keep good records/journal entries etc.


Not sure what she is doing. But she is definitely doing something. Called her out on things two days ago and she hasn't spoke to me since. Mad at me for checking the phone records. Makes you wonder
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