# Marriage crumbling and I don't know what to do!



## Avesa (Aug 31, 2011)

I have been together with my husband since 2008 and we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. We did not have a wedding until this year 2011 in June. 

Ever since then it seems our relationship as a married couple is deteriorating, because all of a sudden he's the MAN and I'm the wife. A wife has to do the duties of a wife and he as the MAN just comes home and sits on the couch. The are days when I'm fine with this but there are those days when I've had a long day at work and I need a little help with my daughter, cleaning, cooking and the dishes. When he has to do work around the house (like painting, fixing the car, fitting new things around the house) he expects me to help him ontop of all the other duties I'm already doing, to the point where I end up doing the whole thing by myself. This was alright with me too.

Then I bought a car and he refused to pay for any of the expenses on the car (traffic fines, car service, washing the car), yet he uses it and doesn't want to buy his own car. If I happen to change the channel in the car , then he says I don't respect him and I'm infuriating and he gets out of the car and takes a taxi.

When I suggest anything that we need to do , he will be against it until someone else suggests the same thing, then its ok.This is a marriage, what i say should matter.

Recently we were supposed to go to my cousin's birthday party, he organised for the whole trip.I wanted to go shop for something to wear, when I went into one of the stores he got in the car and left me there. I had to take a taxi home and he's excuse was that I didn't say where I was going. Then he left and came home at night round about the same time I was getting ready for bed. He started questioning me about the day's events and when I told him that there's nothing he can do about it now, it's over and I don't want to ruin my evening with it, he just hit me. I covered my face so he could stop hitting my face and then he finally stopped and told me I was infuriating.He apologised and sad he would never hit me again, but I've read stories about abusive relationships. He told me if I don't stop acting like this ,I would drive him out the door.

I don't know what to do because I've never been in an abusive relationship. I can't even let him touch me anymore because I don't know how to react to him anymore. Please help!!


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

RUN, RUN, RUN. That will NOT be the last time he hits you. You have been married just a few months and it is obvious that he feels it is time to be "put in your place". Run and never look back. Run for your sake but most of all run for your child's sake. People like this get worse as time progresses, not better.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Time to move on !


he dosn't respect you
he left you at the store (wow)
he abusive. totally unacceptable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do you want your children to learn how to be abusive or how to take abuse?


It will be hard to leave him at first but in time you will be glad you did.

you might want to do it on the sly.
get your ducks in a row and then leave without telling him until your out the door.

have respect for yourself you deserve much better!

Good luck


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Avesa said:


> I wanted to go shop for something to wear, when I went into one of the stores *he got in the car and left me there*. I had to take a taxi home and he's excuse was that I didn't say where I was going. Then he left and came home at night round about the same time I was getting ready for bed. He started questioning me about the day's events and when I told him that there's nothing he can do about it now, it's over and I don't want to ruin my evening with it, *he just hit me. I covered my face so he could stop hitting my face and then he finally stopped and told me I was infuriating*.He apologised and sad he would never hit me again, but I've read stories about abusive relationships.* He told me if I don't stop acting like this ,I would drive him out the door.*


Leave. 

There is no excuse in the world for him to start laying into you and hitting you. None. Whatsoever. 

You have a child. A 2 yr old defenseless child who is going to see this and think it's normal or worse end up doing the same one day if you don't remove yourself and your child from that situation stat. Do you want your baby to grow up thinking this is how a healthy relationship is? This is how a man treats a woman? 

There were probably red flags of the abuse that you ignored but that's neither here nor there now. Just a warning--be advised--once someone shows you their abusive nature, BELIEVE THEM.
Most abusers get worse over time. 

You need to get out of this situation and fast. If you stay he is going to tear down your self-esteem and you are going to be a shell of yourself. In some ways you prob have started to lose a bit of yourself. But don't. Realize this isn't about YOU. It's about HIM.

Never underestimate an abuser. I would seriously plan the escape without giving him notice. Because if he's capable of hitting you when you bring up something simple like how you felt bad that he left you STRANDED somewhere, he is capable of doing much worse if you walk out on him. My ex was emotionally abusive and the night before I left him he was threatening to put me in the ER, etc. He told me "You will leave when I leave!" I waited for him to leave for work and GotTFO. 

Be careful. Have someone with you when you move out, be it family members/friends/police escort. 

Run for the hills, baby.


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## Cross (Aug 1, 2011)

uphillbattle said:


> RUN, RUN, RUN. That will NOT be the last time he hits you.


All that need's to be said was said there.

Do yourself a favor and move on to someone who will treat you with respect and with whom you can have a decent relationship. There are plenty of good guys out there.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Call the cops and make him run IMO.


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## georgina (Aug 14, 2011)

hey hun, you really need to listen and get out now while you are still strong to do say!! u need to do this for yourself and for your daughter!! i watched my mother beaten up on hundreds of occasions when i was young... which then led onto myself being beaten up on hundreds of occasions.. please please please stop this right now... he needs serious help and he cannot do this with you there, sounds awful but its true... if you leave it any longer you will not find the strength to do it all... as he will take away all of your confidence!! am here if you want to chat more 
georgina x


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Avesa said:


> I don't know what to do because I've never been in an abusive relationship. I can't even let him touch me anymore because I don't know how to react to him anymore. Please help!!


Leave, pronto.

If you were my girl-friend telling me this, I'd already be at your house helping you pack. Do you have family or friends you can call on? Please DO NOT keep this to yourself and/or the internet. You need to open up and move out.


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

Avesa, you married a loser, a man that hits women, and a loser, and the WORSE kind of man any girl can marry. You made a huge mistake getting involved with a loser that doesn't even have a car. What were you thinking when you met and had a child with this idiot? Surely the warning signs were there, and I think you ignored them. Get out, get out, get out, get out, then get out after you do that! 

Then after you leave this little *****-boy, get yourself into counseling and get to the bottom of why you even had a relationship with this type of a guy in the first place.


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

This is a very bad sign. This site has a lot of information about domestic violence including a hotline in case you need help getting out. Your young daughter may be at risk as well.

National Domestic Violence Hotline


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## Avesa (Aug 31, 2011)

Hi

I am grateful for all your support and replies. The problem is I want my marrige to work and I don't want to leave because i love my husband. 

I spoke to him and told him how i feel and he admitted that he has an anger problem and agreed to see a marriage counsellor. 
I can't help but feel I'm making a big mistake because I don't see how we're going to get past this. He is a sweet person until he gets angry then I don't know what he is (and it's actually starting to scare me.)


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

"The problem is I want my marrige to work and I don't want to leave because i love my husband."

No, the problem is that this is what you WANT. The problem is you don't WANT to do what your daughter NEEDS you to do. 
If this were just about what you WANT, then it would be easy for you to make such a selfinsh choice. This is about your daughter not seeing this as being the right way to have a relationship. Would you like her to get beat by an abusive husband because she sees this as being the correct dynamic for a relationship? Or even worse, you hubby eventualy turns it on her. 
I am not lying or wrong in saying he WILL GET WORSE. Please leave for your daughters sake as well as your own.


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