# Not sure I miss husband in trial separation



## Ellie789 (Jan 5, 2014)

My husband told me in October he wasn't sure about the future of our marriage. We had been arguing a lot during the Summer because I felt frustrated that we've been together over 10 years, we do have the means to buy our own place instead of renting, but he would always put up obstacles to moving/buying. I also wanted assurance that we would try for a baby at some point in the future, again met with delaying tactics. He insisted on a trial separation where I should stay with my Mother & he would keep our rented apartment going for 2 months. I refused, it was such a bolt out of the blue & since I didn't want it, why should I move out? At this time I saw some conversations between him and a friend on Facebook saying the relationship is dead, she (meaning me) is socially lazy - she doesn't have many friends - we need time apart. I also found contact details for a 20-something woman he had met on a business trip, & text messages between him & a female colleague that I didn't know. He denied cheating or having an affair. Eventually I went to my Mother's for the holidays and am enjoying my freedom, catching up with my old school friends etc. I was so sure I wanted to save our marriage I was prepared to try NC and focus on myself & my life. The thing is since I've been away my husband has not shown much indication that he wants to definitely make things work which has made me feel unwanted. We are supposed to meet up for a drink soon to see how we both feel. On a night out with friends I kissed another guy, he wanted more but I didn't go any further. But now I can't get this out of my head and I feel very confused about my husband. I've started to question whether I want a different type of man, someone kinder and more laid back, less domineering, and just have some FUN instead of all this pain. I guess I'm just feeling so hurt by his rejection, & I've got to a stage emotionally where I can see the possibilities of a new life, but is it just the thrill of being chased by another (very nice) man that has made me feel confused? I just don't know what to do & I'm fed up staying with my mother as I don't have my independence, whilst he can do as he pleases in our rented apartment.


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## Daisy2714 (Sep 22, 2013)

Elle,

I'm sorry for your pain. I don't think you should reconcile. You're husband has emotionally moved on to another woman and you have emotionally moved on to another man. 

Since you are the one here asking for help, I will only advise you to do what I think is best for you. Move on with your life. Leave your husband and also end contact with the "very nice" man that you kissed. Please do not think I'm passing judgement because it's not relevant. I will tell you that you are confused. There is no such thing as a "very nice" man who is willing to kiss a married woman. That's what is known as a dishonorable dog. He's preying on your vulnerability. Say good-bye to both these men, thank God there are no children and move on with your life. Work on yourself and eventually you will be ready for the right person who will value you.

Best regards,
Daisy


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

I agree with Daisy. You are vulnerable. Take this time to work on you. Personally, I don't believe it's a good idea to jump into anything with anyone during a divorce or separation. This is a very emotional time in which both parties should focus on themselves and where things in the relationship went wrong so in the future the same mistakes won't be made twice. My husband abandoned me and shortly after I found out he was already moving on to the next women. As soon as word went around about our separation I had a couple of our mutual male friends contact me - "offering support." I don't buy it. To me that just tells me a lot about their morals and values. Don't waste your time on other men. Focus on getting your life together - with or without your husband. Maybe you can start by finding a place of your own. That will consume a lot of your time and energy.


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