# Do I need to leave?



## BSanborn (Jul 30, 2012)

Got this email today - my wife and I have been having trouble for quite sometime now and we went to our first counseling session last week. I don't know what to do.


This is not easy to write. I am going to try to be more honest with you than I have ever been.

I have tried for the last 6 years to get you to love me. I have tried to be enough for you. I tried everything I could think of. Maybe I wasnt speaking your "love language". But I tried. I have had my heart broken repeatedly by you. This year, I gave up. I quit emotionally. I checked out. I decided I didnt want to do it anymore. All I kept doing for the past 6 years is get hopeful, only to get disappointed again. It has slowly beaten me down. My honest feelings right now are that this will only be short lived. I dont think it will stay. I do not honestly believe a year from now, things will still be happening like he talked about in his book. I read the whole book, did my quiz, and I was hoping to feel differently than I do. I want to want to try. But in reality, I dont want to. I have given up on us. I went to Columbus hoping to miss you, and I didnt. I wanted to be excited to see you again, and I wasnt. I was relieved when I got home and you werent here. I feel horrible for feeling this way, I do. But I am also tired for feeling guilty for feeling the way I do. I need to realize that it is okay for me to feel how I do.

I am not saying that I cant eventually get back to that place in our relationship. Part of me does want that. But I feel like you are trying too hard too soon. I am very overwhelmed, almost smothered. I cant go from 0 to 60 like this. I need time to figure out what I want. I have no idea what I want. I am not asking you to completely stop what you are doing, but I need some space. I do see you trying, dont think that I dont, I just dont know what to do with it.

I am sorry if any of this hurt you.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

She is speaking of Dr Chapman's book. Who suggest following his plan? It's a shame that by the time one looks up a book like that it's usually too late. Her letter states its more likely too late to gain those feelings back and your smothering her with your efforts. She seems to want a separation. What do you want? You don't ask any question.


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