# I need males prospective....BADLY



## redheadfirecracker (Apr 29, 2014)

he was 19 when we met august-2008 (I was 160lbs)...he was a VIRGIN...we broke up a year later December-2009 for 3 months...he went out and had sex with one girl... after he was with her we got back together 2 months later...he said he was not attracted to her personality she was to immature...10-2010 we found out I was pregnant his father told him "now that she is pregnant you know what you have to do"...November-2010 we were married...may-2011 our son was born(I weighed 250lbs)...September-october-2012 caught him talking to men and his ex-girlfriend...jan-april thru nov-2013 caught him talking to men and women...

now for my question..do you think he married me because he loved me or because I became pregnant with his child?? What do you think of the comment his father made??


Did you notice the pattern that I always catch him talking to other people around our anniversary??


One more thing which I was wrong about. When we got married I had a ring that was my great grandmothers that turned my finger green (I bought my husband a brand new one). I had been hinting from day one that I wanted a real ring. November 2011 for our anniversary (1st year married) he bought me a necklace (I don't wear necklaces). I told him I loved it and the thought of it because it was a key pendant and with a lil heart on it.I asked him why he didn't buy me a wedding ring sense he spent $200. He said We can take it back. I didn't know you wanted a wedding ring (duh were married of coarse I want to show the world im taken. Also been hinting from day one about the ring). So he gives me the receipt and tells me to take it back and buy a ring. I asked him to buy me one and surprise me at a later time. He said I don't have time for that just go do it yourself. So I did and when the ring came in from being seized I gave it to him and told him he should put it on and I will never take it off. He said im to tired just put the damn thing on.
Now I am pretty sure that I was wrong for not taking the necklace and telling him I wanted a ring because his gift was thoughtful. He has not bought me anything for our anniversary any year after that and he always forgets it altogether.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> now for my question..do you think he married me because he loved me or because I became pregnant with his child??


The latter



> What do you think of the comment his father made??


As above

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you however, I was in the same position when I got married - the baby bells just rang before I was ready for such a commitment - and our relationship had issues that had yet to be resolved.

However as I was in a state of panic, I married my ex believing it to be taking responsibility for my actions. It didn't mean that I didn't love her, it just meant I didn't marry her because I loved her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you say that you catch him talking to men and women.. do you mean that he's talking about having sex with them, doing out with them? Is he bi sexual?

Yes you should have just accepted the necklace.

It was also very bad from for him to not have given you a ring for your wedding. It's pretty clear that he does not pay much attention to what you say since he did not know that you had talked about wanting a ring.

The necklace/ring thing is a catch 22. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't. One rule I learned a long time ago.. accept any gift with joy. You could always have waited a while and brought up the ring later.

What's your sex life with him like?

How many hours a week to do the two of you spend together?


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## redheadfirecracker (Apr 29, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> 1. When you say that you catch him talking to men and women.. do you mean that he's talking about having sex with them, doing out with them? Is he bi sexual?
> 
> Yes you should have just accepted the necklace.
> 
> ...


1. yes he is speaking with the men about getting his d*** sucked and sucking there's, and with the women it is about having sex with them.

2. we have sex either when he is drunk, or if I complain about it, or if I get really dolled up hair, makeup, heels, revealing clothes.

3. TOGETHER? well first of he works 11+ hours a day various days of the week at least one day off a week id say 45% of the time(he works construction). His routine is when he gets home he will hug and say hello to our son (3 years old), go clean up for dinner, eat dinner, go outside and smoke cigarettes and play on his phone until it is time for bed. I would say 15% of the year he will help put our son to bed. and that is if I go outside and tell him to come kiss his son goodnight. so the only time I spend with him is if I go outside and smoke with him and even then he will still pay attention to his phone and only answer me if I ask him a question or if he has something to say to me about what he is looking at on his phone. we sleep in the same bed but he sleeps in the fetal position with his butt toward me. and if I cuddle with him or ask him to cuddle he will do it for a small amount of time then repostion himself as if he is uncomfortable.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

One thing I will throw in here that will help you from now on, no matter who you're with.....QUIT HINTING! When you want something ask for it, be specific! You can not put the dots close enough for most men to connect them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

My step-daughter got pregnant, married the guy and is in kind of the same situation except her husband only works about 12 hours...........a week. The pinnacle of his life was getting his high school diploma. He doesn't help with their kids, the housework, nothing. He's just a sperm donor. 

Do you really see things getting better? 

Does it seem like it's real convenient for your husband to have a housekeeper and a nanny?

I guess you're about 25 ........... if I was you I'd make a plan, you have time. Lose the weight, get a degree in something useful, kick the bum to the curb and take care of yourself and your son. 

There's 3 billion men in the world, you don't have to settle for mediocrity.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It sounds like he's young, and you are too.
This seems to require more slack and increased sense of humor and forgiveness. Also, you should learn to talk about and explore your sexuality together, and to be open-minded. If you find out ultimately you're not compatible, then you can split. In any case, it doesn't sound as though you're not, at the core, friends. So I think you two can work this out. His family sounds very practical, at least, although not very touchy-feely when it comes to emotions. My guess is that because of this, he's just slow in maturing. You don't have a finished product, but who does?

To be honest, I didn't marry my first real love because when we were apart, at various times, we both 'explored' with other people. His explorations went a bit further, and I was really uncomfortable with that when he asked me to join in later. Now I think I might have done things differently, however looking back my only income source at the time, and my education, depended on my status as an officer trainee and then an officer. So, I adhered to the standards required, my guy's best friend was enlisted. And even though we were off-duty and from the same small town, and all very good friends, this wouldn't have been a good thing for two of us who were income earners and wearing uniforms. Instead we all went out dancing...much safer. 

So, after this it wasn't the same. My requirements and his freedom and desire didn't jive in any viable paradigm. If I wasn't in the military, well, who knows. At least I had discipline. Plus, I was very shy.

Anyhow, the two of you have a child together? So any investment you make in communication will pay off in the long run, for all of you, regardless.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

1 - like someone else said, stop hinting. Us guys don't do hinting very well.

2 - since you had a heirloom wedding ring, he probably assumed you were attached to it (green or not). hence the necklace. it probably also plays into the fact that he doesn't remember your anniversary since his gift was rejected.

3 - You only CATCH him around your anniversary. He's doing it all the time.

4 - Yes, he married you because you were pregnant. Doesn't mean he didn't feel something for you at the time.

5 - Your weight is probably an issue. Sex only when drunk? I don't want to be mean about it but let's face facts... he's looking for it elsewhere.


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## movinonup (May 6, 2014)

Okay I feel the exploring "both sides of the fence" issue has yet to be addressed fully, is he gay or bisexual? Did you know this about him before, or did you only learn about it when you caught him texting? How have you approached the situation with him regarding these texts? Red flag red flag red flag.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

first, stop hinting. its a waste of your time.

two, lose weight. if you want him to be as attracted to you as he was at day one, then your gonna have to AS ATTRACTIVE as you were on day one. 

three, makes sure he is not cheating. snoop, etc. if there is somebody else involved, your efforts will probably fail anyway.


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## sparkerchondro (Jun 2, 2014)

Not ot be rude but there is a BIG difference in 160 and 250lbs. It is quite possible that he just does not find you attractive anymore- yes some guys are shallow like that.
It seems that his actions indicate that he really does not care for you either way.
And if he is asking guys for ****jobs, he is likely just gay. That could be the real issue here- would his family be accepting if he came out of the closet?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Best guess on limited information is this:

He was uncertain about his sexuality and was trying to be 'normal' when he met you and had sex. He married you out of a sense of obligation plus it makes him look like he isn't bi or gay.

He wasn't overly attracted to you initially but sex was new and therefore exciting. How he is even less attracted to you - you are MUCH heavier and you aren't male. He isn't interested in you and he's just trying to do what he thinks he has to/is supposed to, but he really doesn't WANT to.

He is on his phone because he's either looking at or chatting with other people or just using it to avoid you. He has to get drunk because he's not into you. 

This is a bad example to set for your son. You need to separate and you need to be the best YOU you can be. Go to school, take a class, etc. start an exercise program and get more self confidence. Then when you feel good about you and content, then you can finally start looking for someone who fits into your life. Don't lose weight to catch a man - do it because you want to get back to the person you were. You have a young child who will want to play outside, throw a frisbee, ride a bike... you can't do that at 250 pounds. You want to set a good example for him of healthy living with exercise and good food choices.

Time to get it together and live for yourself.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

He's gay. Get rid of him now or you can wait until the kids are older and he decides to move out to the gay quarter and let the real him out of the closet. It's easier on the kids when it happens earlier, rather than later.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Machiavelli said:


> He's gay. Get rid of him now or you can wait until the kids are older and he decides to move out to the gay quarter and let the real him out of the closet. It's easier on the kids when it happens earlier, rather than later.




:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


The word fat-cat come to mined op you need to run!


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

He is gay. Why settle - Find a guy that can be a true partner to you as well as father to your children. (at the same time).


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