# I Should Have Listened to You All!



## Trojans1980 (Mar 19, 2015)

Hi. I posted back in March about discovering my wife had continued an affair that I confronted her about in October 2014. 

Well, in the process of this disclosure, it came out that she had had several affairs over the course of about 4 years. We tried to reconcile. She changed her cell phone number. She knew I was looking at phone records and emails. We went to marriage counseling a few times, but the counselor was weird and she felt like she was being attacked.

I tried several times to talk about the issues and what led to her affairs. We had a lot of difficulty talking about it and she basically felt it was too painful to talk about. We have been trying to make it work since March, although really we can just been ignoring the problem and trying to move forward. We had some really great moments and some really frustrating ones. We have been having frequent sex, and it has been great.

Yesterday I noticed some texting that concerned me. I was able to determine that she sent a text to a co-worker yesterday about how they had been having sex. I was devastated, worse than any of the prior disclosures. During this three month period when we were supposed to be reconciling, she was cheating on me with another guy that wasn't even one of the many that she had admitted to in our prior discussions.

I am devastated, but I guess I have myself to blame for failing to address this three months ago. She is pretty torn up too. I am pretty sure our marriage is over. But this hurts so bad. I guess I am just looking for a little support and encouragement. I know none of you will gloat because you were right, but I needed to give credit where credit is due.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Geez man. I'm so sorry. I doubt anyone here takes joy by being right in this case. Your wife is F"d up beyond all repair. Hopefully you have the stones to divorce her sorry azz. Im sorry you're going thru this.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

She is torn up about getting caught again.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Sorry, it is painful. No one here is going to gloat or do the "told you so dance". Too many of us have had the same painful experience and try our level best to save others from that pain.

So she was a serial cheat, ugh sorry. It sounds harsh but be glad you are rid of her. Have you filed yet?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

She obviously has a problem and you will not fix it, she will never change until she wants to change, the fact she is not willing to change for the survival of the marriage should tell you all you need to know. i'm sorry your back here. at least you can walk away knowing you tried your best.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Trojans1980 said:


> Hi. I posted back in March about discovering my wife had continued an affair that I confronted her about in October 2014.
> 
> Well, in the process of this disclosure, it came out that she had had several affairs over the course of about 4 years. We tried to reconcile. She changed her cell phone number. She knew I was looking at phone records and emails. We went to marriage counseling a few times, but the counselor was weird and she felt like she was being attacked.
> 
> ...


Ehhh... I might.

No, seriously... sorry man, but you should go ahead and file for divorce.

Additionally, if OM is married, you should inform his wife that her husband has been stepping out on her. And it's not necessarily about exposure, revenge, or any of that... it's because _it's the right to do._

And that goes for ALL of the OMs and their wives.

ETA: Young children and a serial cheat for a wife? Do I *REALLY* need to say it...?!?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Ehhh... I might.
> 
> No, seriously... sorry man, but you should go ahead and file for divorce.
> 
> ...


And their employer as well.


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## sharps (Jun 9, 2015)

3putt said:


> And their employer as well.


Ahh, possible lawsuit I am thinking


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Dude she is a serial cheater / maybe sex addict...

Divorce her...as in yesterday...

Before your d!ck drops off from some nasty disease. :frown2:





Gross!


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

Sorry for the pain. You can't get on with the rest of your life until you get her out of the current one. When I was in your shoes I told myself 'shame on me, I was the fool that pick her', never again' Move on and get on with life


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Trojans1980 said:


> We went to marriage counseling a few times, but the counselor was weird .


How so?


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

It's not your fault. Buy the t-shirt. There is nothing you can do to fix this or her. Save yourself and get away. It will be a bit difficult but before you know it, you will be a success story. 

DON'T beat yourself up. BUT......this time, listen.. 

Divorce with your head held high.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Trojans1980 said:


> I tried several times to talk about the issues and what led to her affairs. We had a lot of difficulty talking about it and she basically felt it was too painful to talk about.


If you'd got the truth about the issues and what led to her affairs it would be she has a low romantic interest in you and no loyalty or integrity. You got the story it was just a bump in the road nobody saw coming. It was want you wanted to hear.
Sure it was painful for her to talk about the "difficulties". How would anyone expect her to say, "Look Troj, I know I promised I'd love you forever, but forever ended a while back, I'm no longer into you, and I want to experience sex with new guys. In the meantime, I want you to furnish me a base of operation". Look at it from her viewpoint my man. Its a lot less troublesome for her to fake a R, put a little poon on you occasionally and continue to get her cookies behind your back.
Face it my man, your marriage was over years ago. You just didn't get the message. The longer you fool yourself into believing she's the woman for you at any cost, the longer your going to be in this hell.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

TrojanMan,

Dirty little secret... When a wife has a LT-EPA and doesn't get caught and the affair dissolves (they all do), a very high probability exist she will get right back into another and another... Seen it first hand. Why? The thrill, the attention, the rush is addictive to many "bored with their marriage wives". 

Here's the bottom line, 

You gave her the one and only 2nd chance, she flushed it royal. Tough road ahead, time to lawyer up.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Trojans1980 said:


> Hi. I posted back in March about discovering my wife had continued an affair that I confronted her about in October 2014.
> 
> Well, in the process of this disclosure, it came out that she had had several affairs over the course of about 4 years. We tried to reconcile. She changed her cell phone number. She knew I was looking at phone records and emails. We went to marriage counseling a few times, but the counselor was weird and she felt like she was being attacked.
> 
> ...


It is not your fault.

You gave your wife a decent length of silken cord.

It was her decision what she would do with it. Make it into a nice, healthy skipping rope, plat it into a nice, good looking garment, etc.

Sadly, she chose to fashion it into a noose and shove her head through it.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

These guys know a lot on here and they've helped and are helping me still. What really got me to realize there is no going back was one thought which may sound petty to you but for me it rang true: I would never be able to relax every time she was texting...never. I know that may sound small compared to a lot of other things to be paranoid about but this is what really worked for me...I would always wonder who is on the end of that text and what is being said...

Good luck to you...


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Friend, some women just aren't marriage material. Go find yourself one who is and stop wasting your time on one that isn't.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Trojans1980 said:


> We had a lot of difficulty talking about it and she basically felt it was too painful to talk about.


 Too hard to talk about. That's when you let her know that if she thinks talking about it is painful, then she doesn't know pain because nothing can compare to being on the receiving end. Then I tell her if she can't or wont talk about then pack you rags and get the hell out get a lawyer, square you finances away and be done with her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Trojans1980 said:


> Hi. I posted back in March about discovering my wife had continued an affair that I confronted her about in October 2014.
> 
> Well, in the process of this disclosure, it came out that she had had several affairs over the course of about 4 years. We tried to reconcile. She changed her cell phone number. She knew I was looking at phone records and emails. We went to marriage counseling a few times, but the counselor was weird and she felt like she was being attacked.
> 
> ...


The entire basis of your problem.

You sold your soul for some orgasms.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> ETA: Young children and a serial cheat for a wife? Do I *REALLY* need to say it...?!?


Unfortunately, you probably do.

Seriously OP, if you have kids run a paternity test regardless if you follow thru with getting a divorce or not.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Here's your new itinerary: On the way to your lawyer's office, stop by the Medi-Clinic to get your butt tested for STD's!

Just saying!*


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## May1968 (Dec 16, 2014)

I for one can not critize you. Lord knows I gave my ex too many chances and as a reward was cheated on again. I think there is a number of people on here that is/was in the same boat as you.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Divorce or not, you need therapy in order to heal from this traumatic ordeal. An ordeal which may also include the children if DNA testing comes back negative that you are their father.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry this is happening to you Trojans but I guess you know exactly what to do now. The marriage is done, kaput, finito, get a divorce and stop worrying about how she feels, she has taken you on a ride and does not deserve your empathy or pity.


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## breezycello (May 29, 2015)

May1968 said:


> I for one can not critize you. Lord knows I gave my ex too many chances and as a reward was cheated on again. I think there is a number of people on here that is/was in the same boat as you.


I agree here. I cannot criticize you either. I am still finding myself giving my H chances to turn himself around. This allows me to consistently be disappointed. It is very hard to stop this cycle of hope and disappointment. 

If you have not tried the 180, you should look it up. By no means am I following 100% but trying faithfully and when I do, it really does help and I feel much better. Until I have a moment and give in or seek whatever it is that I think I am missing in him. 

There are no "I told you so" thoughts that should be said. Deceit is so painful and it takes some of us many times of that pain to fight back and stand up for us. 

You are seeing her for who she is and based on what I am experiencing and what has been told me to here, as well as the other stories here, once you accept that this is who she is now (or maybe has been during the whole relationship) you will no longer want to allow yourself to be tormented by her. I am still trying to get there and I have known about the "affair" for over a year. Many promises of trying to work on our marriage and we are just friends to his being partially detached from our marriage and is too busy to sit back and figure out what he wants. Ugh....DO NOT ALLOW this to be you too...Not a pity party here, but can say it feels awful to consistenly give in to whatever it is that we cling to with these people. 

Even if you are not ready to file, the 180 will help you to separate and figure out what your life may look like outside of this woman in your life. 

Thinking of you and sorry you are dealilng with this pain too!


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Sorry you are here. Sometimes the best lessons are the painful ones. I hope this time you give her real time consequences for her actions. Do a 180 on her, do not let any pity for her so called remorse creep in and file for divorce.

Deal with her only through your chosen lawyer and secure every entitlement you can.

I would also highly recommend if the other man is married you tell his wife, and your extended families.

Given that she has done this before, and you rugswept the issue if you cave and go soft this time i can guarantee she will screw around again.

As the old saying goes shame on you if you fool me once. Shame on me if you fool me twice.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your WW is a wrecking crew. She is a serial cheater who doesn't care about the damage she does. It's up to you now to at least try to address some of the damage.

As people have said here, DNA your children, get yourself tested for STD's, and inform the OM's wives. This last is a consequence that might slow her down a bit. Until now, she has been able to interfere in other families with complete impunity. She could care less about the wives and children in those families. This is the woman you are married to.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

File and move on.

Simple.


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## dental (Apr 16, 2014)

Trojans1980 said:


> I am pretty sure our marriage is over.


Pretty sure? So you're not intending of cutting all ties? Divorcing? This has me worried a lot. If she, in between banging all kinds of men, shows you a peek of poon, you will jump at it like a labrador retriever.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He's already made that quite clear.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Trojans. its not your fault. You did nothing to cause her to betray you, it was always her choice.

I tried MC with an abusive serial cheater, only at the time I thought it was only for his abusive nature. Silly me.

Life can be better without a partner like that. It hurts, and its hard, but its better.

Now off to the MD's office with you.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Trojans1980 said:


> I know none of you will gloat because you were right, but I needed to give credit where credit is due.


As another poster suggested; being "pretty" sure you're going to divorce her is the wrong mindset. When you get to the point that you're damn sure, you'll be in control.

As for taking your "I told you so's"; kudos to you for that. I suspect there are dozen's of BS's like you who never post again.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> As another poster suggested; being "pretty" sure you're going to divorce her is the wrong mindset.



*OP you are still vulnerable to be manipulated by her*. 

*How many times does it take for you to be sure you have to rid yourself of this serial betrayer?*

If you do not get rid of her you will have the life sucked out of you and you will become a pitiful man.


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## May1968 (Dec 16, 2014)

It is tough to move on when little kids are involved, but at some point you have to cut and run because as a serial cheater she will just continue to trash your life. I hung around mine a year longer than I needed to but in the end she just burned me again. Wether or not you DNA your children is up to you, at some point they are yours anyway (either in your mind or possibly by law)


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Trojans

You really need to protect yourself and your family.

Your wife has a screw loose.

Worse, she has proven to you she cannot be trusted to tell the truth nor keep her legs closed.

And I say that with sadness. She really needs a good shrink.

And stop having sex with her, get yourself tested and go see an attorney.

HM


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