# My wife says she doesnt love me anymore



## schrinediggity (Sep 25, 2013)

Hello all,

I know this is not the first post of this nature. My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married 4, almost 5. We have a 4 year old little girl. 

Before we got married my wife cheated on me. Drunken one night stand, I thought i forgave her, we proceeded to get married. Fast forward a year or two. I was having issues dealing with the fact she had cheated on me, in addition to some chronic pain I have I started abusing alcohol. This led my wife to move out in January of 2011. I proceeded to enter into AA and have been sober since February 24th of 2011. Around the first or second week of march 2011 she moved back in and in my mind things were improving. I have worked at the same job for 9 years, I have 3 college degrees (just finished my masters last december), and her career trajectory has been improving as well. I simply stated those things as our home has been somewhat stable even with a short history of alcohol abuse. In the last couple of months she has finally started to communicate with me about what is bothering her. She started off by telling me she hated me when she moved out, that she loves me now but not in the way she should. She claims to hold no resentments towards me for my behavior when I was drinking. Last night she was asking me if I wanted to go to Costa Rica with her and some girlf friends/family in February. We were chatting some about that which then spiralled into I am unhappy in this relationship and you are like a roomate to me. I love you like a friend. She says her heart doesnt feel the love for me and she doesnt think it ever will. We discussed whether or not she wants a divorce, she stated if she did, we would have gone that route a long time ago. I think she is missing her "college, single lady party days" as most of her friends are either single or newly married so they are in the honeymoon stage still. I have asked what I am doing differently now then when we first met and she cant answer, just says I dont have a zest for life. I'm not sure what that means. I"ve asked her to go to counseling, either together or seperate and she doesnt think it will help as its a "heart" issue in her. I spend the majority of my time either working or taking care of our daughter due to my wifes work schedule. I truly dont want the marriage to end and have tried about everything on my end to improve the relationship; quit drinking, worked my steps, did my best to make my ammends, work 2 jobs, primary care giver to our child, suggest activities for us to do together, give her space to be her own individual, etc. I don't know how I can get her to see that the honeymoon stage doesnt last forever, love ebbs and flows, but right now we might need some help rekindling feelings for each other. Any suggestions.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

If you have to give her space you're in trouble. Sounds like you do just about everything around the house yourself. I'll just bet she has herself at least one extra guy. Bottom line: she WANTS a divorce. Wise up and get yourself an attorney. A divorce now vs later will be much easier on your 4 yr old daughter.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Sounds like someone else may be in the picture. You need to start digging and find out what you're really up against. "Needing space" usually equals another man.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

I didnt notice that you said she asked for space. But what do you really mean when you say that. That she should see other men. Doing the 'right' things is not always what women want and since she doesnt seem to have told you what she wants that means she thinks you cant fulfill them. She doesnt want a divorce even though she doesnt want you. What exactly does she want. 

I doubt if counselling can help since she doesnt want to be helped. 
You dont state your age but I suppose you are young. You will really have to decide if you want to stay in such a marriage or not. She clearly wants to.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

First mistake was taking her back after her drunkin one night stand and then marring her. She showed that she can't handle her alcohol and her morals. when you mix them together you get a bag of trouble and now after four years of marriage it's still bothering you and now she's telling you ILYBINILWY. To make matters worse, you have a kid. Now she wants to go to Costa Rica and now she's telling you that her feelings changed. 

Honestly, you asked for it when she stepped out on you before you were married. You better start doing some snooping around because it sounds like she has plans and your not included. Hope your not paying for the trip. I wouldn't


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

She is a waste of your time. Pretty good odds she is cheating. Divorce her and find a woman who shares your values.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

File for divorce. Have the papers served. She'll understand then. Maybe she won't be so quick to cheat on the next guy.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the MMSLP book in my signature as quick as possible. It is a relationship guide not a sex manual.

She is either bored, cheating or has a new man picked out. Wvhat you are doing now is not attractive to women. You have become the baby sitter , butler, cook, house boy. Get the book, you have lost your manliness.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

The first thing that women do when they start seeing other men is lose their feelings for their husband. She loves you like a friend now. Can you live with that the rest of your life? You're foolish if you decide you can. Once it's gone, it's gone. It's my opinion your misery will continue and I would guess if you do nothing your relationship will get even worse.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yep. Once they get to that point, books will only help with the next one. Don't torture yourself. You did what you could. Stick a fork in it. Get a good attorney and get what is fair and find something better.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sorry but you've taken the path of you being super nice support guy - two jobs, primary child care provider.

Let me guess you also do most of the cooking, and possibly the cleaning too - all to give her freedom and space to find her happiness.

Unfortunately you did exactly the opposite of what would have had a chance.

She's looking for a parter, a leader, a man to be her man.

You instead gave her a nanny, a cook, a servant.

Read MMSLP by Kay Athol now, as in yesterday and change your approach fast. Stop bringing super servant and become her partner and man.

I bet there is some other guy already, if there isn't there soon will be. You need to act very very fast.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

That is a big bomb coming from a female. "I don't love you anymore." I used that when I had had enough and wanted a divorce. I meant it. Often when we "reconcile" and forgive someone who has cheated, our self-respect erodes as does our self-esteem. Under pressure to make a marriage work, we assume other roles like doing it all breadwinner, child care provide, chef, housekeeper while the spouse sits and stews in ennui that life is not what it could be and disdains us because we are trying to please someone who is disrespectful.

Put your foot down and make your life about you and not her or your marriage. Don't do her jobs anymore, when I was married, I was too busy struggling with raising kids, cooking and all my other SAHM jobs to be bored. She should try it.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

You cook you clean you raise your kids and you work.

Those things need to be done regardless of what any book says.
If she won't do it and she doesn't want to be a part of it, then its on you and she needs to go.

What book tells you to stop cooking and raising your kids or your wife will leave?
And if she does leave cause of that,don't let the door...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

OP do only your share of the domestic duties.
We have 100K years of evolution going on

Be the Man of the house not the cave man but the man
Take the leadership role

I agree there is likely someone else on the horizon
Prepare for the worst case scenario

Allowing her to be an individual is fine

But if she says “I need space”

You need an attorney


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Never marry and have a child with a cheater. It's wreckless.


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