# Introverts, Extroverts and Cheating



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Just food for thought. 

During my time on TAM I've gotten to know alot of people...both betrayeds and waywards, and it occurred to me that waywards, more often than not, tend to be outgoing, people-pleasing, socialite types...

Whereas, many of the BSs here seem like they are shy, homebodies, more reclusive and less social...

I'm speculating from purely anecdotal evidence that I have seen myself from the myriad of stories I have read over the years. 

Does anyone agree?

Does being more social and more outgoing put a person in a higher risk for cheating?

Does infidelity seem to strike mismatched couples more often? By that I mean, where you have one spouse who is a social butterfly and one who is a homebody?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I've never considered that theory bandit, but it sure holds true with my WW and me.

Maybe you're on to something.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

While there are obviously exceptions, as a general blanket statement, I'd agree with your observation. 

Extroverts thrive on attention, introverts don't need it or want it. It kind of makes sense.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

That was not the case with my situation at all, I'm an Extrovert (never cheated) and my Ex is an Introvert. I didn't think he'd ever cheat because of it, I was wrong.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well... FWIW, while I'm not a _complete_ introvert, I'm definitely more introverted than extroverted.

My wife is nearly the complete opposite.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Yeah, its not a catch all but its a good rule of thumb. I'm ENTP, emphasis on the E, but I never cheated. Mainly because I'm just too bad ass to be hidden in the shadows...I've got to be OUT THERE!! So I would have been caught within days...DUDE


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

You might appreciate some of these articles.. their reasoning...

*1*.  Which MBTI type is most likely to cheat?...this article listed a certain (1 out of 16) temperament type that is more prone to cheat...The ESTP (the Promoter)...the author certainly took some heat for spelling this out...











There are so many variables here.. to the mental health of any person, past experiences, how they were raised, their values / beliefs, how important honesty / integrity is to them.. 

Every temperament type have weaknesses & strengths.. some people are over loaded with weaknesses -which can greatly harm their relationships in varying ways. For instance this ESTP type... pointing out it's pathetic weaknesses on a "Brutally honest Personalty test".. they call this type "the Commander" ....Click HERE to read what it says -makes sense 


For identifying your personality type *>>* 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ments-our-spouses-better-understand-them.html

From that article...I agree the Feelers care more about hurting others...and the Judgers are less spontaneous , less likely to live by the seat of their pants....Perceives seek *more variety *& is often "on the go". ( A breakdown of this - the last post on my thread above -laying out these differences *>>* HERE ) 



> Next on the list is the T vs F types. As we all know,* feelers make their decisions based on people.* They consider how their actions could affect their personal relationships, and do not want to compromise their good will with others. If an F type was to cheat, they would damage their bond with their partner. In addition, F types generally have a set of core values that they feel passionately about.
> 
> They do not want to perform an action that would compromise their morals – this means it would be very unlikely that an F type would violate the trust, loyalty and commitment that they share with another person. In comparison, when thinkers make decisions they are less likely to consider how the outcome could affect their personal relationships.


________________________________________________________________________________________________

*2.* Extroverts are heartbreakers:Research suggests married, confident people are able to have affairs without feeling guilty

I agree with this statement from the article...."‘If you are somebody who wants to pursue long-term relationships you are going to find yourself being better off with people who are conscientious and agreeable. ‘They tend to be a little more integrated, higher in honesty and humility.’"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

*3.* 8 Reasons Why The Man You Marry Should Be An Introvert



> 3. He’s less likely to cheat on you.
> 
> Introverts generally care less about other people. They don’t spend much time worrying about impressing others, interacting with others, or giving others too much thought.
> 
> ...


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I think you make a good point. I am very extroverted and I am a wayward spouse. When I look at the couples around me that have been affected by infidelity its almost always the more extroverted one that strayed. It is also my opinion that a very attractive extroverted person is even more likely to stray. But with that said....I don't think people should avoid extroverts. Perhaps just be a little bit more guarded when it comes to your partner.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I haven't seen this personally; in my own experience, introverts are about as likely to cheat as extraverts (MBTI spelling).


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

my 1st wife told people she thought there was something wrong with me. she an extrovert me introvert .

this book helped me better understand myself & this extroverted world i'm in (America).

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Back to this stereotype that ESTP's are cheaters.. I found this on a temperament forum just now.. written by an ESTP...

ESTP Misconceptions dispelled. - INTJ Forum



> 4. ESTP's are cheaters.
> 
> Realize first and foremost, that extroverted sensors need to EXPERIENCE something in order to understand it. We don't know what job we want until we experience it. We don't know what type of woman we want until we date her. Our ability to understand something purely through abstraction is diminished and we need to experience something first hand before we can truly understand it.
> 
> ...


I find the discussion of Temperaments fascinating.. 

I married an Introverted Feeler - who is also a Judger... 

I can attest -many of the traits I have read about his ISFJ temperament fits him to a T..... 

He cares deeply about how I feel (those in his life.. not people outside of his circle)... he would never forgive himself if he hurt me.. he is not at all the type to flirt with random women, never the life of the party (this probably sounds bad I suppose) ... though when he feels comfortable in a group.. he can bring them all to tears laughing with a dry humored comment ..he certainly has his charm... for the right sorta woman , that is. 

To be very honest... when I was growing up.. I avoided popular boisterous outgoing guys.. something in me always felt... too much [email protected]#... I never trusted these types ....if they went from girl to girl to girl .. it was an automatic black mark to me.. 

Always felt those are the wanderers, the partiers, they need variety.. they need continuous excitement.. 

I gravitated more towards the shy guys...(I am more extroverted over my husband but probably still an introvert -depends on who I am around I guess).. 

One plus about Introverts is.. they are generally your deeper thinkers... which I LOVE... even need in a partner. 

There is nothing wrong with Introverts.. often they are misunderstood.. the beginning of this you tube clip:  Introvert vs. Extrovert Conversation... The Extrovert says to the Introvert : 

"Is everything Ok.. is there something wrong with you?...are you depressed?...why are you so shy & antisocial?.... do you have a mental disorder?... why don't you like to go out and party?"...that's kinda insulting.. but that is how much they are misunderstood by some extroverts .


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

One would see extros as flighty, whereas intros more grounded. This is what one of the guys in 

my "Hangover" crew said back in the summer.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Anecdotally it appears true but I would also add passive to the introvert personality. It appears to me that passivity may be even more of a factor than introversion when it comes to betrayed spouses. As for wayward spouses, I do feel that extroverts exceed their introverted counterparts in affairs. It is easier to find someone when you are "out there" personality wise. However with the advent of the Internet and the ability to be "out there" in the privacy of your own room that dynamic may be changing.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Great discussion guys. Keep it going!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

I would guess extroverts may end up cheating lightly more just for the fact they are out interacting more with others including the opposite sex. I don't think that introvertedness/extrovertedeness is in itself a deciding factor. I think you can find correlation to the MBTI types, but not causation. I believe cheating mostly comes down to a persons moral character.

Thinking about it more, as SA brought up in her post, I wonder if you would find more correlation in the differences between Feelers vs Thinkers, than I/E?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Just food for thought.
> 
> During my time on TAM I've gotten to know alot of people...both betrayeds and waywards, and it occurred to me that waywards, more often than not, tend to be outgoing, people-pleasing, socialite types...
> 
> ...


My own wife has a social phobia, part of being on the ASD, but she does seem to have a need to please people?

So you could well be right.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

intheory said:


> I've always thought that outgoing, flirtatious people; who require a lot of attention and admiration from the opposite sex, should marry each other.
> 
> That way, they kind of keep a "checks and balance" on each other. They also understand what makes the other one tick.
> 
> ...


The only problem with introverts marrying one another is that there may be very little interaction at all, and of course the opposite with two E's.

I'm an E and my wife is an I, and we find that to be a pretty good balance.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mrs. Conan is far more introverted than me. She has been the OW more than once before she was married and cheated in both of her marriages before me.

I have always been an uber confident extrovert and, even though promiscuous, I have never cheated.

Anecdotal as well but I suspect other factors at play with infidelity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Extroverts are less likely, cheating is living in the shadows which they HATE!!!! Trust me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

4x4 said:


> I would guess extroverts may end up cheating lightly more just for the fact they are out interacting more with others including the opposite sex. I don't think that introvertedness/extrovertedeness is in itself a deciding factor. I think you can find correlation to the MBTI types, but not causation. *I believe cheating mostly comes down to a persons **moral character*.










.. but the issue today is.. .. what is moral ??

People often bulk badly to those who give advice to be a better man or woman... who are we to judge, I see it constantly on this forum..... Even when it comes to lying.. as I did a thread on that too.. people condone it, make excuses for it.. 








is the new Morality.. which pretty much means anything goes... if you think it's OK, after all it's your life.... we've surely lowered our bar in many many ways. Just look at what is praised in society today...meanwhile narcissism is growing. 












> *Thinking about it more, as SA brought up in her post, I wonder if you would find more correlation in the differences between Feelers vs Thinkers, than I/E?*


Also the * Judging* over *Perceiving * -- as a J likes his or her security... has to have *a plan*.. will think long & hard before they JUMP into something.. ..all these things at play... they do add up to very different personalities.. and often we can't for the life of us understand why someone else feels so differently ... then on top of all this are the varying love languages... further adding to our persona...

Here is a little breakdown on all these letters.... So what do all those cryptic MBTI code letters mean?



> E = *Extraverted Characteristics*
> 
> Act first, think/reflect later
> 
> ...





> S = *Sensing Characteristics*
> 
> Mentally live in the Now, attending to present opportunities
> 
> ...





> T = *Thinking Characteristics*
> 
> Instinctively search for facts and logic in a decision situation.
> 
> ...





> J = *Judging Characteristics*
> 
> Plan many of the details in advance before moving into action.
> 
> ...


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Dude007 said:


> Extroverts are less likely, cheating is living in the shadows which they HATE!!!! Trust me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or is it why they get caught more....


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

They will get caught quicker than ****
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

technovelist said:


> The only problem with introverts marrying one another is that there may be very little interaction at all, and of course the opposite with two E's.
> 
> *I'm an E and my wife is an I, and we find that to be a pretty good balance*.


I feel opposites attract too.. Myself & Husband are very different in some ways.. which is definitely a benefit to our union.....where he is weak ... I am strong ...where I am weak .. he is STRONG... if he was with a woman too much like himself.. it would be too quiet /uneventful...they probably wouldn't fight much but also there would be a lack of passion... 

I bring much of the ACTION, the creative, plan all our vacations, along with some FIRE to get a rise out of him....and he is happy go for the ride.. 

He gives me stability, that calm breeze I may need at times.. I am the feisty broad.. He is my Gentleman ... we are attracted to the opposite of what we are ! 

Many yrs ago now .. I picked up a book on these 4 temperaments (not the 16 ..this is a different test !).....it helped me understand our dynamics better.. how we fit, even in those differences.. I am primarily a Choleric / Melancholy.. and he is a Phlegmatic / Melancholy.. 

* "Sanguine" - "Choleric" - "Melancholy" - "Phlegmatic" Tests * 

Personality Score Sheet  (this one needs printed - a page for the Strength's & a page for the Weaknesses of each -then adding the scoring at the end) 

***** Or here : the same thing -without printing it but figuring online Personality Test 



Extroverted >>









Extroverted >>









Introverted >>









Introverted >>














Dude007 said:


> Extroverts are less likely, cheating is living in the shadows which they HATE!!!! Trust me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think this has more to do with one's need for openness /honesty... When I take temperament tests.. I will come out Extroverted sometimes (more so as an adult) but when I was in high school.. I was more of an Introvert.. I can see both sides... but one thing that was always consistent was my need to express.... get someting off my chest... couldn't hide how I felt.. wore my heart on my sleeve and would cause a ruckus if I wasn't happy... 

I would be too torn up inside and mad as a hornet , wanting to FIX things if we were falling apart -or I'd lay it out there where I was headed.. no games.. right in his face.... I could not hide or stuff..... the conscious of hurting a good man .. or the FURY of wanting to kick the slime ball to the curb... both of these would be alive in me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

The problem with those charts above...I just noticed.. they don't give the weaknesses! Ok.. this is better....


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

I scored Phlegmatic / Melancholic with high on Phlegmatic, I'm also INFJ. Thanks for linking the test SA. I'm definitely intro, but I don't know that I could match up well with someone that is too extroverted. They would wear me out. I can be very sociable with those I trust and are close, but also need my downtime with just my SO/family. Me ex was even more reclusive than I however, and that was a problem. I need some sort of interaction or I'll drown in my own thoughts.


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

I am an introvert and H is an extrovert. When I was a WW part of the attraction was that the OM was also an introvert.

I suspect part of H's attraction to the OW was that she was an extrovert.

I wonder if this is often the case in A's? Maybe thats why the APs think they "get" each other so well? 
I wonder if thats why A's ultimately fail?

FWIW I think that we look for a marital partner that completes us or at least balances us out. Given time the differences and with a lack of communication the gap widens. The differences seem insurmountable and lead to frustration and loneliness. Defective/weak/self centred people become vulnerable to an A. They are now attracted to someone very different than their S and very like themselves.

After a time the qualities that were originally so attractive in the AP become exaggerated and unappealing. If they were attracted to the AP's outgoing personality - they begin to find it obnoxious and in competition with their own. They yearn for their BS's subtlety and warmth. If they were attracted to the the AP introspective personality -it becomes boring or brooding. They now long for their S's lighthearted confidence.

Just a thought - maybe we are attracted to our opposite so we can grow by learning to gently lean into some of their qualities and let them brush off on us. We become a little more balanced a little more complete.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Just food for thought.
> 
> During my time on TAM I've gotten to know alot of people...both betrayeds and waywards, and it occurred to me that waywards, more often than not, tend to be outgoing, people-pleasing, socialite types...
> 
> ...



When I was a lot quieter, shy and a home body, my chance of cheating was minimal because I wasn't social.

Now that I do socialize, not a home body as much and definitely not shy anymore and well spoken, confident, etc., maybe I might be more prone to a woman who flirts with me and wants to quickly hook up.

For me, if I'm sexually starved, getting sex 1x month, then I am very weak and I relieve myself, so I don't do something really stupid. If Mrs.CuddleBug had a healthy adventurous sex drive and often, I wouldn't be weak and relieve myself. Simple as that.

Its sexual mismatch HD / LD and spouses not taking care of each others needs as their own.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Well, I am definitely an extrovert and I suppose that I, as an adulterer, give credence to the initial assertion. That being said, I don't truly believe it is that simple. Being an "extrovert" will certainly make one "approachable". In my case, it has been the inability to set boundaries due to my need/desire to be validated by members of the opposite sex. These are issues I'm discovering as I continue with my IC.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

I wonder what the statistics are on the few introverts that have said they were the cheating spouse, what are the odds their AP was the extrovert? Does that scenario take 2 extroverts to cheat with each other? or just one?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Mrs. Conan is far more introverted than me. She has been the OW more than once before she was married and cheated in both of her marriages before me.
> 
> I have always been an uber confident extrovert and, even though promiscuous, I have never cheated.
> 
> Anecdotal as well but I suspect other factors at play with infidelity.


Interesting. Why do you feel she hasn't cheated on you as well?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> Just food for thought.
> 
> During my time on TAM I've gotten to know alot of people...both betrayeds and waywards, and it occurred to me that waywards, more often than not, tend to be outgoing, people-pleasing, socialite types...
> 
> ...


I disagree. My old lady is an introvert.

Which made it so hard to believe she was sneaking out after I went to bed to go pick up strange at a bar by her self.

I guess as long as you got big boobs and a tight @ss one doesn't need to have social skills.

Even by her own admission...she is a social retard......my old lady is so dam shy it's a trip. Granted that submissive quality is a huge turn on, I should have known better.

It's always the shy ones that are the biggest freaks in the bed room, back seat, closet.....were ever!:grin2:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Interesting. Why do you feel she hasn't cheated on you as well?


I've kept a close eye and we laid a different foundation for our relationship than her first two marriages.

I think my personality helps and I'm the only Christian she has been involved with.

We actually had a sit down after our first date and we both laid our cards on the table. Talked about our histories and what we required for a future together.

I know it is controversial here but I was a very alpha type and she was working her tail off to keep me for the first several years. She felt very competitive for me and I also treated her better than anyone before.

I have always been the kind of guy who means what he says and is immediately ready to back it up with actions. She has always known that even a hint of unfaithfulness is enough to end it with me.

She also took a bit of a chance with me because I was still a bit wild, not a cheater but not very grounded, and she had patience while I matured a bit.

Her circumstances with me have been dramatically different than her previous relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

intheory said:


> I remember reading a couple of years ago, that introversion or "shyness" was going to be classified as a DSM mental disorder of some kind. (But, of course, extroversion wasn't going to be seen as "abnormal" ). I don't think it actually happened; it was just being considered at that time.


There's a lot of gray area there. EXTREME cases of either are probably some kind of mental disorder. I lean more towards intro and while I get along with exos just fine, I'll NEVER understand why a comfortable silence is so hard for them and why they have an incessant need to talk, even if it's mindless chit chat, which I abhor.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Even if the premise were true, so what? Some introverts cheat and some extroverts are cheated on. It would seem, therefore, to be of limited predictive value.

Now, bandit, if you can come up with a theory about who will be next week's NFL winners, I'm listening.


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## BiscuitMom (Oct 16, 2009)

Not in our case.

I am the extrovert, the one who never meets a stranger. 

He is a shy, introvert. The one who plays with dogs at a party. Hence, he trolled the internet/Craigslist to cheat because it's easier to pretend online.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> While there are obviously exceptions, as a general blanket statement, I'd agree with your observation.
> 
> Extroverts thrive on attention, introverts don't need it or want it. It kind of makes sense.


Extroverts get attention all the time, its the introverts who crave it because its a rarity. I don't think your hypothesis it accurate. I think its the shy, quiet ones you have to worry about. But hey, I'm Supra Extrovert...DUDE


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

kristin2349 said:


> That was not the case with my situation at all, I'm an Extrovert (never cheated) and my Ex is an Introvert. I didn't think he'd ever cheat because of it, I was wrong.


I'm with Kristin. 

I am an extrovert, social, talkative, outgoing and as loyal as them come. :angel3:

STBX is quiet (liar), an introvert (sneaky) keeps to himself (secretive) and is disloyal as they come! :FIREdevil:


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I'm an introvert who acts like an extrovert due to my intense desire to make everyone happy and make people like me. 

I am very nervous around people I don't know well, but once I know you, I don't shut up. 

I often over compensate by acting goofy, doing dumb things, telling a horrible joke, etc. 

I feel like an introvert but act like an extrovert.

My husband is very much an introvert in most senses of the word.

We both cheated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good stuff guys. I'm learning a lot.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

My sense is that typically the extroverted personality will be more likely to cheat. Introverted people have more natural boundaries, I think, just because of the introversion, i.e., they are less likely to feel comfortable flirting or recognize when someone is flirting with them.

Of my own friends and acquaintances, the ones who have cheated are mostly extroverted.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Introvert, extrovert...I don't think that is the deciding factor. My H is a complete introvert, he was profoundly shy as a child and still is to a large degree. His decision to cheat was a very deliberate one, he told me that he only picked other married women so that they would have as much at stake as he if their spouses were to ever find out. He joined cheating websites and primarily met up with the women during his breaks at work. After all hell broke lose and I finally got some of the truth, his explanation was that he never loved any of them and never planned to break up our marriage, as if that would comfort me. 

I think introverts are just as likely to cheat, maybe even more so because they are by nature secretive. When my nephew heard about my H's cheating, he immediately said, "It's always the quiet ones."


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

My former WH is the introvert (INTP).

I'm the extravert (ENTJ, yet super close to ENFJ).


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I am not sure it would make a difference. As an introvert (INTJ with also the traits of a Galactic Overlord ) I agree that I am not necessarily looking to go out of my way to meet people, etc... but it doesn't mean I don't like people. Depending on the circumstances and where you are in your life, all it could take is just meeting that one person that gives you the attention you are looking for to set you on the road to cheating.

Maybe back in the day this would have been easier for an Extrovert as this would require you actually going out in public to meet people, but let's not forget that nowadays it is very easy to meet people from the comfort of your home via social media. This opens up a lot of doors to introverts who would otherwise avoid social situations.

In my mind with cheating, it comes down to the strength of a couple's relationship and their values. And possibly having killer dance moves like below ...


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

My ex was an introvert. He avoided conflict like the plague. I am an extrovert and while I enjoy pleasing people, I more enjoy passionate conversations and debates on interesting topics.

Maybe that explains why he had to pay for his sex, he was too shy to meet someone in real time. It was easier to order a ho on line.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I agree with this theory. I came to this conclusion after my XWW's infidelity and our subsequent divorce. 

When we met, we were both considered introverts. I was actually the more outgoing in our relationship. During year 13 of our marriage, her parents passed away, 4 months apart. After that, she changed. Over the next 8 months, she transitioned from an introvert to an extrovert. This new-found outgoing/attention seeking personality was what got her into trouble, and killed our marriage.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I'm an INTJ, but throughout life have moved from a solid I to a borderline I/E. I haven't cheated. My XWW is a solid extrovert and so much that she'll pretend she is someone that she is not just to get others to like her and talk with her. I think it led to a personality crisis with her since she bases who she is, on whom she is with. When she had her affair her personality and desires changed immensely and quickly to match that of her lover and she simultaneously pulled away the unity that she had with me. Her ex-lover was a close friend whose opinion and friendship she highly valued. Since the A she's changed completely and dropped everything in her personality that had to do with me. That's not a surprise since our only interaction now is about the kids; therefore, she never was given the chance to realign her personality again with mine. 

We were opposite compared to @where_are_we. As far as the avoiding conflict, her strong Extrovert and weak self identity makes her avoid conflict like the plague because she's so worried about what others will think of her. As an Introvert with a strong self identity, I don't mind conflict since other people's opinions (other than a few very close friends and family) don't hold much weight with me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Just food for thought.
> 
> During my time on TAM I've gotten to know alot of people...both betrayeds and waywards, and it occurred to me that waywards, more often than not, tend to be outgoing, people-pleasing, socialite types...
> 
> ...


*I never really gave a lot of credence to your theory, @bandit.45, but thinking it totally through, it just makes a hell of a lot of sense!

Carry on, Professor! I'm taking notes!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

I am an introvert with supa wicked fly dance moves...

And I love taking personality tests or any test for that matter...so off to take these tests...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> I am an introvert with supa wicked fly dance moves...
> 
> .


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

My counsellor told me the combination that risks the biggest demise or chance of a breakdown/infidelity in a marriage is a male intro/female extro...worse than 2 intros, 2 extros, or male extro/female intro...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

deg20 said:


> My counsellor told me the combination that risks the biggest demise or chance of a breakdown/infidelity in a marriage is a male intro/female extro...worse than 2 intros, 2 extros, or male extro/female intro...


Meaning that both are more likely to cheat or is one of those more likely to cheat with that combo (i.e. male intro vs female extro)?


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


>


Oh what a feeling!!!!!!

(but I'm too shy to show you!)


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

"Meaning that both are more likely to cheat or is one of those more likely to cheat with that combo (i.e. male intro vs female extro)?"



Meaning that there is a greater risk of infidelity when you have an extroverted female married to an introverted male than any other combination...infidelity stemmed from the extro wife.

There's a greater chance of infidelity in this tandem than the reverse of this combination... even more so than when you have two extroverts married...he had some statistics on a few studies he showed me from 2010 I think...


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

When you have an extro female and intro male, there is greater risk of unfaithfulness stemming from the fema than even two extroverts married...had to clear that up ...sorry


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

With me being the exception..... Again


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I just saw that I short-shrifted everyone on "likes". Sorry about that.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I would say absolutely YES to your questions.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I have not read every post on this thread so what I have to say may have been said already.

Me - introvert (can't even imagine cheating on wife)
Wife - extrovert (EA years ago)

I think extroverts tend to place themselves in situations that are conducive to cheating more often than introverts do. It is like a shark attack analogy - if you keep swimming in shark invested waters, the possibility of being bitten increases dramatically.

Whoops - typing error corrected.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think it all has to do with character. I think there may be something here when it comes to a successful marriage (introvert with extrovert) but that doesn't mean cheating. Someone of good character is not going to cheat no matter what. Doesn't mean they will stay married though.

Also there is a difference from being an extrovert because they love to meet and interact with people and someone who craves attention or assurance for there self worth from peoples attention (to me the second isn't really being an extrovert). Motive has a lot to do with it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Bananapeel said:


> \My XWW is a solid extrovert and so much that she'll pretend she is someone that she is not just to get others to like her and talk with her. I think it led to a personality crisis with her since she bases who she is, on whom she is with. When she had her affair her personality and desires changed immensely and quickly to match that of her lover and she simultaneously pulled away the unity that she had with me. Her ex-lover was a close friend whose opinion and friendship she highly valued. Since the A she's changed completely and dropped everything in her personality that had to do with me. That's not a surprise since our only interaction now is about the kids; therefore, she never was given the chance to realign her personality again with mine.


To me what you describe is not someone who is an extrovert but someone with a personality disorder.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I am an extrovert and my wife is an introvert. She doesn't like big crowds but doesn't have a phobia about it. The biggest issue is that she isn't into physical affection or outward shows of emotion. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. Unfortunately, I get very little of either. But, I don't cheat. I don't think being an extrovert is a sign you are more likely to cheat. I'm just comfortable around crowds and strangers. 

I will say though that the chances of my wife cheating are very low. She doesn't value affection or external validation enough to ruin our marriage over it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> I am an extrovert and my wife is an introvert. She doesn't like big crowds but doesn't have a phobia about it. The biggest issue is that she isn't into physical affection or outward shows of emotion. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. Unfortunately, I get very little of either. But, I don't cheat. I don't think being an extrovert is a sign you are more likely to cheat. I'm just comfortable around crowds and strangers.
> 
> I will say though that the chances of my wife cheating are very low. She doesn't value affection or external validation enough to ruin our marriage over it.


There are other aspects of things the people cheat for besides the things you wrote though.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

sokillme said:


> There are other aspects of things the people cheat for besides the things you wrote though.


I don't doubt it, but I'd be really surprised. Yeah, I know everyone is always surprised, but in my case she is LD, doesn't crave affection or outside validation, and doesn't have male friends. Plus, she doesn't GO anywhere.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Haven't read the thread yet, but probably will. Sounds like an interesting topic.

The opening post triggered a thought. Read at your own risk 

In case it hasn't been mentioned, some make a distinction between being an introvert and having social anxiety. They would say being an introvert means exposure to lots of people drains one of energy, whereas an extrovert would gain energy. And, having social anxiety means you fear what other people might think about what you might say and do; you fear being judged.

I can imagine extroverts who happen to not be socially anxious would find themselves in many more situations where would-be affair partners happen to be present. If they happen to also have poor boundaries, then likelihood of 'accidentally' being in situations ripe for improper relations goes up.

I can recall as a socially anxious introvert 20 years ago, I both craved and feared contact with a potential love interest. I cannot imagine myself ever knowingly participating in an affair, especially a physical one. Had I been more attractive and been pursued, I'm sure it would have been disorienting. If someone happened to make me feel accepted and attractive, my anxiety interacting with her would disappear at some point. I suppose a socially anxious and attractive person would be the sort of target a manipulative user of people recognizes and pursues.

I imagine, in my two decades+ of relationship with my wife, I have generally avoided "creating" situations where I'd be faced with the need to remind myself of proper boundaries (except here, and I do remind myself all the time). Say, while traveling alone for work or whatever, I'd never strike up a conversation with an attractive woman, and those very few instances where one seemed to be striking up a conversation with me (for whatever reason), it's made me uncomfortable and I have sought to end the conversation quickly. I don't think that's social anxiety anymore, though, I think it is fear of facing what I'm missing (in my miserable marriage), and fear that I shouldn't trust myself. If that's the case, it's not an introvert/extrovert thing or even a social anxiety thing. It's just seeking to be who I want to be and not f*ck things up, or seeking to evade the truth about where I currently am. Cheating would break my daughters' hearts (one even asked if I was cheating, and one has treated things like working extra hours on weekends suspiciously -- all things projected from failed marriages of their friends' parents and their mother's irrationality).

Now that I think about it, it's pretty clear to me my aversion to opportunities also stems from my father's apparent longterm EA, which was a very big issue in my parents' marriage while I was growing up. I hated it. Hated it. It almost cost my mother her life. I'm pretty sure that aversion dominates any aspect of my personality, introverted as it is.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Just food for thought.
> 
> During my time on TAM I've gotten to know alot of people...both betrayeds and waywards, and it occurred to me that waywards, more often than not, tend to be outgoing, people-pleasing, socialite types...
> 
> ...


There could be a correlation because Waywards imo like to have their ego stroked. Extroverts often have a big ego as reflected by their brashness, life of the party attitude. Now I am beginning to think of Donald Trump.....oops......................:scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> The problem with those charts above...I just noticed.. they don't give the weaknesses! Ok.. this is better....


The "personality plus" system is pretty good, but it doesn't split the Introverts from the Extroverts (the table is very extrovert orientated).


Just for record ISFP here.
I think that the I vs E or (generic) "Extroverts" really doesn't make a huge difference (on cheating), even though genetic correlation-wise 75% of male population is "E" (outward processing) vs 75% female population is "I" (internal 'double' processing). Likewise, Introverts do actually have people who like them and who they like, it's not like they're disconnected - just attracted to different things.

I personally think it will affect what causes cheating, and what situations. For a lot of extroverts it's about doing things, seeing people, enjoying the fun crowd, so I'd expect more hookups. But with the introverts they tend to obsess over things a bit more, latch on a bit tighter, hide things, far more likely to be looking for emotional bond/EA that gets physical.

The combinations are also interesting when you consider how the personalities impact of polyamorous/polyfidelous relationships - where more than one partner will be a "E" or an "I", leading to some interesting relationship settings/goals.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

the guy said:


> It's always the shy ones that are the biggest freaks in the bed room, back seat, closet.....were ever!:grin2:


Without wanting to take too much away from the joke, I expect so.
too much internal processing... creates for more mentalisation of the fantasy and experience - more "freak factor"; where most extroverted personalities seem more interest in performance and keeping score and just getting their own good time (vs mentally obsessing things about their partner)


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## destroyd (Feb 20, 2015)

I haven't studied personality types very much in my life- I just haven't thought to delve into it much but this post has brought up some interesting thoughts for me to look into. 

My WW tends strongly to the introverted side. This was one reason her cheating was so very shocking on my behalf. I just could not even IMAGINE it. 

For her, big changes in her work environment pushed her into dangerous territory and ultimately into the arms of her OM boss. 

She had worked hard in her profession for 15 years & knew it in and out but she had risen as far as possible until a few people retired. A company consolidation forced her to fight for her job. OM took a shine to her from his arrival on the scene as she was capable and really knew the business better than he did. She was promoted- but forced out of her comfort zone by the nature of her new position (supervisor, in charge of meetings, speaking at conferences etc...) OM was there to guide her, and bestow a steady stream of validation and encouragement (primarlily because she was making his job easier and making him look good) and because shes attractive and he wanted in her pants. 

So, life at home = financial stress, two school age children, elderly sick parents, housework, husband struggling with sick parent & career demands. vs. life at work = in charge, forward momemtum, comfortable with material but placed in scary situations, an OM acting as if she hung the moon. Plus, opportunity- too much staying late around OM, eating lunch with OM, business trips with OM. 

Add in some inexperience and piss poor boundarys and what the hell could go wrong? 

I don't know what role personality played in my story, but until all thst shakeup at my WW workplace I dont think she had ever even as much looked at another man. His lifting up and constant praise of her caused her to gravitate towards him like a magnet. Why was she starving for that, and why wasnt I giving it to her? Because we made a life- we lived beyond our means, we both commuted to work in different towns, we brought forth kids and everything that goes along with them and our relationship fell to being more 'kid centric' and sacrificing to make financial ends meet. That **** at her work with OM was a pure fantasy with all the best of adult games, and none of the mundane, grinding home life. 

My personal thoughts are that circumstance, familiarity, and opportunity factor much more than personality in most situations of cheating.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good discussion going on here.


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## lisamaree (Nov 2, 2014)

My case goes along with your observation. I am very introverted and socially awkward. My husband is more outgoing. He is the wayward and I am the BS.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

aine said:


> There could be a correlation because Waywards imo like to have their ego stroked. Extroverts often have a big ego as reflected by their brashness, life of the party attitude. Now I am beginning to think of Donald Trump.....oops......................:scratchhead::scratchhead:


Or Hillary, or Bill or....... dang! politicians in general? Have to be extrovert to be a politician?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Someone mentioned Introverts are more *secretive*.. ..this is a question I have:

*What's makes some people naturally more "open book" types and others so private / secretive ?* ...a common phrase you may hear from them is -"It's none of anyone's business".. on the smallest things...

I'm not sure if being an Introvert or Extrovert has all that much bearing here...for instance my husband is a Phlegmatic / Melancholy (double whammy Introvert)... he's more of an open book, just tells it LIKE IT IS -even if he looks bad.. never minded all my digging when we met.. . in comparison to his wilder more extroverted Brother who -on so many occasions I've heard him say "It's none of their da** business" - he comes over here on Holidays.. he's more charismatic , more of a start up conversationalist yet hes always been terribly secretive ,doesn't tell family members much of anything...or doesn't appreciate your asking ...(also he lied to his GF for months -when he met someone new in another state, then shattered her world ending it in a text ... very cowardly) .... I don't even know how these 2 are related... complete contrasts from each other.. 

Now me... when in a relationship.. there are some things I NEED, but it's also because I so want to give myself... I describe it as a  "willing Transparency"  .... I'd say I am more Introverted over Extroverted (though this depends on who I am around)....

I dearly Love communication...I deeply value honesty- even if it may hurt.. I can't stand when someone gives fake flattery (please save it)...or is blatantly lying to save face, so THEY won't look bad or get caught in something.... If I learn the truth down the road... these people are *blackened* to me...I won't trust anything that comes out of their mouth after that.. it's always suspect...

I can see a little "white lying" to acquaintances, a co-worker to keep the peace.. but not to someone we share a life with ... No.. that's never OK...I'm all for what @ConanHub said.. "putting your cards on the table".. No secrets...I have a very sensitive conscience, I need to be able to look myself in the mirror...I also NEED to be accepted wholly for who I am, quirks , shortcomings & all.... and I need to do that with whom I am with also... or what kind of foundation does a couple really have ?

This is a great article - about how secrets carry Power, they are an escape, a source of energy... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/articles/993-sex-lies-secrets-secrecy-destroying-your-marriage.html

I think the only exception -where I would become secretive -is if I was in fear of my life, for my kids...in an "abusive" situation.. you do what you have to do - to get out alive... When people grow resentment -it is also easier to become secretive so.. another reason for healthy conflict...

Living this way..a couple is being truthfully accountable to each other...whatever one is struggling with.. we share it ... Going to our spouse during a "Seed stage" which I explain here...is paramount ...before it grows into something ....I explained it like this.. 



> This is about being * Genuinely Authentic*, NO MASKS.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## bojangles (Oct 11, 2016)

My WW and I are both introverted and possibly covert narcissists but my shrink thinks I'm just co dependent. I've probably self diagnosed at least 5 personality disorders in the last 2 months. Now I'm working on her.


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

We're both extroverts. My wife is a teaching professional artist who's done television and radio and I worked at various times as a bartender and in all aspects of sales. I've remarked on how fearless she seems to be in any interactive situation that she approaches and she's remarked at times as to how I'll strike up conversation with anyone, anywhere. There's never any kind of competition socially between us either. 

I had a brutally flagrant long term EA with an old friend early on in the marriage and she had a 7 month PA with the nasty, old, short, overweight, divorced, alcoholic neighbour halfway in. I'm not sure how or whether that connects with being an extrovert. It certainly wasn't any hindrance.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

hmm I think it comes down to the individual.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I would say definitely that extroverts are more apt to cheat, simply by sheer numbers. They interact with more people, more often. Not sure how an introvert could even compete.

It's kind of like dating in general. Extroverts get more dates, more sex, have more partners in life, because they put themselves out there and meet people. Introverts hug the walls, avoid social interaction, and therefore, won't have the same opportunities.

The better question, should this data ever be available, is the percentage of interactions that lead to affairs. Because at that point you are comparing apples to apples, and opening the door to other factors like boundaries, personality, morals, etc. Seeing how those factors correlate to extrovert vs introvert would be a more useful exercise. And a very interesting one.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Gabriel said:


> I would say definitely that extroverts are more apt to cheat, simply be sheer numbers. They interact with more people, more often. Not sure how an introvert could even compete.
> 
> It's kind of like dating in general. Extroverts get more dates, more sex, have more partners in life, because they put themselves out there and meet people. Introverts hug the walls, avoid social interaction, and therefore, won't have the same opportunities.
> 
> The better question, should this data ever be available, is the percentage of interactions that lead to affairs. Because at that point you are comparing apples to apples, and opening the door to other factors like boundaries, personality, morals, etc. Seeing how those factors correlate to extrovert vs introvert would be a more useful exercise. And a very interesting one.


You seem to have a rather narrow view of Introverts, as if they all are wall huggers doing everything in their power to avoid social interaction :scratchhead:

That being said, I agree that an extrovert could be more likely to go out and meet people. However, given the rise of social media, internet dating, etc... this does balance things out a bit more for "introverts" as they can meet people, form bonds, etc... without the need to go bar hopping.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

EllisRedding said:


> You seem to have a rather narrow view of Introverts, as if they all are wall huggers doing everything in their power to avoid social interaction :scratchhead:


Nah, that's the extreme side, said to make a point. But they certainly aren't as comfortable being around people, that's the whole idea.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I wouldn't be surprised if an introvert has an affair because I don't think being an introvert = shy. You can be an introvert and be very outgoing in social situations. My husband is an example.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lostmyreligion said:


> We're both extroverts. My wife is a teaching professional artist who's done television and radio and I worked at various times as a bartender and in all aspects of sales. I've remarked on how fearless she seems to be in any interactive situation that she approaches and she's remarked at times as to how I'll strike up conversation with anyone, anywhere. There's never any kind of competition socially between us either.
> 
> I had a brutally flagrant long term EA with an old friend early on in the marriage and she had a 7 month PA with the nasty, old, short, overweight, divorced, alcoholic neighbour halfway in. I'm not sure how or whether that connects with being an extrovert. It certainly wasn't any hindrance.


Yuk...


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## ShatteredStill (Dec 20, 2016)

My husband is the quintessential 'Mr Nice Guy'. He's the person you ask to drive you from Texas - Nebraska to collect a car or help you move apartments at 5am on your wife's birthday. Both true examples! He never wants to be thought badly of. He's a 'fake extrovert' in many ways. Didn't have many opportunities with women. No gf through school or university but very popular.

In hindsight he's 'too nice to say no!'. To my (now) knowledge he has never said "No!" to a sexual or romantic proposition. Guys paid a girl to have sex with him on his stag party. He was "relieved" that he was too wasted to perform so he declined. Not "I'm marrying the love of my life. It would be wrong!". Just "relieved". 

I think it's a lot more complex than 'types'. I wish it were that simple. It would be wonderful if there were secret codes we could break to predict infidelity. I married a man I truly believed could never, ever hurt me. We had lived together for 6 years. We were married for 10 years before he ever did or said anything to intentionally hurt me. 

I'm not sure if it's 'people change' as much as, we have many 'types' that we could grow to be. Life experiences & situations take us down one path or another.

I would of been judged 'Least likely to be abused. Least likely to tolerate infidelity or any kind of disrespect'. I don't know how I ended on my path but I became a person I never imagined possible. It's all baby steps to the conclusion. My 20 year old self would mourn the woman I have become.


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## MovingFrwrd (Dec 22, 2015)

I guess my wife and I are the opposite of the 'norm' - I'm an extrovert, she's an introvert.

She's not a wall flower type of introvert, she can be outgoing when needed, but it takes effort and does drain her. 

I'm not a typical extrovert, I like talking to people and making acquaintances, but more often than not nowadays I prefer to be home with the family.

Her PA happened with a close friend's husband, who we considered a friend. 

I don't think there's any 'broad brush statement's' that are true in personalities vs. affairs. If we went with that, it would have been me having the A.


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Yuk...


Meh. 

At the time these occurences were massive, festering, upended cartloads of horse sh!t seemingly permanently blocking our marriage as a viable path in life. And the only equipment we had to shovel it out of the way were a couple of bent teaspoons. 

But then I found this place and got equipped with a proper shovel and she quit drinking. 

We're better friends now than we've ever been and we have the advantage (painful as it was gaining it) of truly understanding what each of us is and isn't capable of. Although put in place after the fact, there is absolutely no ambiguity in the boundaries we both now live by. 

18 and 10 years down the trail from all of that and it's more like the remnants of something we stepped in and is now (mostly) scraped off our shoes. 

Compared to some of the horror stories served up here, it was all pretty standard-fare-biscuits-and-gravy.


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## ShatteredStill (Dec 20, 2016)

LostMyReligion. Thank you! It's great to hear a story of hope. So refreshing!


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## Hellomynameis (Dec 16, 2016)

My husband and I are both introverts. In fact, in his case, I truly believe he has undiagnosed Aspergers Syndrome just like our son and H's brother. Someone on the spectrum is the last person you would expect to be a serial cheater but somehow he never had any trouble finding women who were willing. Perhaps simply because he WAS quiet and mysterious and emotionally unavailable. Certainly nothing to do with his looks considering he's been 50-100+ pounds overweight his entire adult life.

I will say I was shocked when he abandoned me and our son. He was really the last person in the world one would expect to do something like that. And then to turn around and do the same thing to another woman, and another kid, less than a decade later...

I don't know if it had anything to do with being an introvert, but I do think he is basically a loner and even though he wants a LOT of sex he really doesn't want to be in a committed relationship.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lostmyreligion said:


> Meh.
> 
> At the time these occurences were massive, festering, upended cartloads of horse sh!t seemingly permanently blocking our marriage as a viable path in life. And the only equipment we had to shovel it out of the way were a couple of bent teaspoons.
> 
> ...


No matter how many times I see infidelity occur, I think there would be something wrong with me if I wasn't disgusted by it.

I'm especially puzzled about her choice? The om sounds physically disgusting.

I suppose I'll never quite grasp the concept of infidelity and maybe that isn't a bad thing.

I'm all for reconciliation if it's healthy and it sounds like you are?

But Jesus Christ! What the hell was she thinking!?


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

ShatteredStill said:


> LostMyReligion. Thank you! It's great to hear a story of hope. So refreshing!


Glad it helps Shattered  

Truthfully though, we're no different than any on here. And we're definitely not the poster couple for reconciliation. I discovered this place in 2011 trying desperately to understand why my guts were hurting so bad regarding my wife's actions with the neighbour 4 years earlier than that. I had never got the full truth then, and I still have yet to receive it. 

I've had to learn to accept that it started, ran it's course (7 mo) and ended without me obtaining a shred of hard evidence. She had jumped the fence one night (that I can prove) when I was asleep for work and had left her painting with a bottle. All she would and has ever admitted to is that she was drunk, it was really inappropriate, all that happened was some snogging and that it was 'gross'. 

Yah. OK. I believe that.

By the time I figured out what I should have done to sleuth it let alone put a stop to it, I was way too late. 

So I ate that crap sandwich and I can honestly say that the only thing that has kept it down is that she has never caused my radar to go off since, despite going through some wickedly hard health and financial times. And believe me when I say I now have REALLY sensitive radar. 

Still we've stood by each other as a married couple should and strengthened. I think that what's helped a lot here is that she's effectively dealt with a raft of huge FOO issues over the same period.

The reason my wife quit drinking had little to do with it leading to compromising situations with strange men. It was because she had clocked me in the face in front of our two young teens and adult daughter on Christmas Eve. I had hidden the rest of the booze to prevent her from becoming falling down, puking drunk. I told her the next morning she needed to fix it or I was done, To her credit, she hasn't touched a drop in the four years since.

For her part, right out of the marriage gate, the wife endured 4 years of an in-your-face long distance 'friendship' that I insisted on maintaining with an old girlfriend from highschool. She was finally forced to put an end to it by confronting me with our one of our babies in her arms. For some reason she was upset that I was taking my 'friend' up on her suggestion that my wife stay home and babysit our 3 children while the two of us go out for a drink and catch up in person when she came to town. Go figure.

It wasn't until I got on this site that I began to understand the damage we had both wrought in our relationship. I had never even heard the term 'emotional affair' until I came to TAM.

I've since learned what my options are and have figured out how to handle this crap constructively while keeping what's important to me. Mostly through reading compulsively on here. Our children have been much of what's held us together to get to this stage of ambivalence toward past events.

But when people start talking here about 2 to 5 years to reconcile, I think they're being optimistic. I signed up for TAM in 2013 though I'd found it in 2011. Prior to that was 4 years of flailing attempts to clean the sh!t I'd initially swept under it from beneath the rug.

Like I said, we're in a good place now but I'm pretty sure that if I'd found TAM at the time my wife was screwing the neighbour, and if I'd had access to or knew about the same tools (VARs, text recovery) I'd be divorced. 

I'm actually kind of an advocate for cutting through the crap quickly rather than having to deal with the crap on your shoe that you can't quite scrape off down the road.


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> No matter how many times I see infidelity occur, I think there would be something wrong with me if I wasn't disgusted by it.
> 
> I'm especially puzzled about her choice? The om sounds physically disgusting.
> 
> ...


Yeah we're healthy CH:smile2: 

Like I said though - raft of FOO issues. I think in some way this guy reminded her of her Dad. That's who he kind of reminded me of. Kept a nice house and made good money. Divorced and XW and kids didn't like him much. Guy was an a$$hole. Like her dad.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

As an exOM I'd say being introvert doesn't change it. I am one and I let myself get close and it's really difficult because i believe introverts are much more emotionally driven than pure physical lust. I didn't know I was an OM but I stopped it before it became physical because I knew it was wrong even though she was pushing for it. I feel as extroverts may cheat more often but introverts have a deeper more emotional level that may make the difference between an extroverts ONS while introverts have LTA. Just a random unfounded theory.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

ShatteredStill said:


> My husband is the quintessential 'Mr Nice Guy'. He's the person you ask to drive you from Texas - Nebraska to collect a car or help you move apartments at 5am on your wife's birthday. Both true examples! He never wants to be thought badly of. He's a 'fake extrovert' in many ways. Didn't have many opportunities with women. No gf through school or university but very popular.
> 
> In hindsight he's 'too nice to say no!'. To my (now) knowledge he has never said "No!" to a sexual or romantic proposition. Guys paid a girl to have sex with him on his stag party. He was "relieved" that he was too wasted to perform so he declined. Not "I'm marrying the love of my life. It would be wrong!". Just "relieved".
> 
> ...


Here's hoping your 97 year old self looks back on her and you with a gentle smile, compassion, and satisfaction that you picked yourself up, made meaning from it all to enrich your life going forward, and lived more fully than you imagined.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Just food for thought.
> 
> During my time on TAM I've gotten to know alot of people...both betrayeds and waywards, and it occurred to me that waywards, more often than not, tend to be outgoing, people-pleasing, socialite types...
> 
> ...


I know I'm a few days late replying, however, my wife was the one who cheated. We did separate, and I moved out March 2015. She hung out with her "friend" in my house for the next 3 months while I was on the dating sites till the fall. We reconciled in Dec, and I officially moved back in March 2016.

Where I was the social one, I'm not the type to hang out at the bars till all hours. However, I'm typically the one to get out and do things. She generally wants to sit around and drink wine with the neighbor who has been separated since this past April.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

gdtm0111 said:


> I know I'm a few days late replying, however, my wife was the one who cheated. We did separate, and I moved out March 2015. *She hung out with her "friend" in my house for the next 3 months while I was on the dating sites till the fall.* We reconciled in Dec, and I officially moved back in March 2016.
> 
> Where I was the social one, I'm not the type to hang out at the bars till all hours. However, I'm typically the one to get out and do things. She generally wants to sit around and drink wine with the neighbor who has been separated since this past April.


You still live in that house?

Please start a thread in CWI and tell us your tale.


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## Thomas0311 (Dec 19, 2016)

This feels like an Extroverts world because although they make up just half of the population... something like 90% of the connections involve at least one extrovert (friendships, relationships, acquaintances, involve an extrovert). This makes sense, because the average introvert will interact with fewer people on a day to day basis. So it feels like most interactions involve extroverts, because they do.

I wonder if then the distribution of cheating is more a reflection of the number of connections (90% extrovert involvement would fit then). I think cheating is much more about character, than situational occurrence (that floating assumption that an extroverted sensor must be more likely to cheat because they need people for energy, and they react in the moment to their interactions). That said, I would think that an extrovert with poorer values, would be more capable and successful at cheating than an introvert with equally poor values, because they have more interactions in which to decide to.


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## weltschmerz (Feb 18, 2016)

Thomas0311 said:


> This feels like an Extroverts world because although they make up just half of the population... something like 90% of the connections involve at least one extrovert (friendships, relationships, acquaintances, involve an extrovert). This makes sense, because the average introvert will interact with fewer people on a day to day basis. So it feels like most interactions involve extroverts, because they do.
> 
> I wonder if then the distribution of cheating is more a reflection of the number of connections (90% extrovert involvement would fit then). I think cheating is much more about character, than situational occurrence (that floating assumption that an extroverted sensor must be more likely to cheat because they need people for energy, and they react in the moment to their interactions). That said, I would think that an extrovert with poorer values, would be more capable and successful at cheating than an introvert with equally poor values, because they have more interactions in which to decide to.


Agreed. Simple maths - more connections = more opportunities.


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