# Did you always want kids?



## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

For men who have children: when did you start *really* wanting kids? 

For men who don't: do you have a desire to have kids? A strong desire to have them?

I'm 27 and about to graduate from law school (blah) and become a real life lawyer (ew.). I can see myself maybe getting married, but kids? That would seem to severely limit my ability to travel (big goal of mine), go camping, fishing, participate in sports, etc.

All the women around my age seem to have baby fever. 
I know this is biological for them. Actually, I'm surprised it's not more pronounced earlier - our prehistoric ancestors were all "supposed" to have babies in their teens, given their estimated lifespans. 

They seem to want to have babies, dress them up, show them off to their peers, etc. I hear women say "Oh, she's got a perfect life - a nice house and she's already got 2 kids!" ...like, having kids is something they really deeply desire. 

Am I ever going to feel this way? I'm sure if I accidentally had a child now I'd love it to death. But I have no desire to do it intentionally.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I was pretty apprehensive about kids when we married. Wife and I were 27 and 29 respectively. Started having kids 4 years later. Being a father has been one of my greatest joys in life. I can't imagine my life without them. Parenthood can be a scary ride sometimes but it is a great one.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband didn't want kids because his dad was so awful, he was scared he'd be the same. Then we got pregnant (his fault  ) and he's the best daddy. He says he doesn't even know what he did with his life before our daughter. He was always good with kids (nannied a friend's kids on his days off) but was scared to have his own.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I have pretty much always wanted kids. Even growing up I did a lot of babysitting, etc.

It seems to vary greatly among people. I have seen a lot of people like you who didn't think they wanted kids but then grew a strong desire to have them. On the other side I know of guys that claimed they wanted kids and yet treat them like they are nothing but a burden...

I will say they can be the greatest and the most difficult thing(s) in the world. Sometimes in a matter of minutes!!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I always wanted kids, I always loved being around smaller kids when I was growing up. I was the only male babysitter that I knew of in HS, but I also that I didn't care because I loved it.

In college, lots of guys dated whoever came their way, and were looking to get into as many pants as possible. While of course I cared about looks and personality/character, I also made the decision that I was only going to seriously date women who I saw potential to be a wife and mother to my children.

I have 4 kids now, and love each and every one of them so much. I couldn't imagine my life w/o them.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I knew I would have kids one day. Didn't go to college until a little later and was 28 when I finished. Married the next year to a girl 6 years younger than me. We agreed before marrying we wanted to wait 2 or 3 years before having kids. She "changed her mind" and made me wait 8 years. It nearly ended our marriage, resulted in years of resentment and now our marriage is all but done (not just for that reason alone).

That said...my kids are the biggest joy of my life without a doubt. The only thing that I really had NO idea of before I had them was just how much you can love them (and worry about them).

Trying to explain to someone that doesn't have kids what it's like to have them is like trying to tell someone how much fun Disney World is without them having ever been. Just can't be done until you experience it for yourself!


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

I appreciate these responses, guys. Please keep them coming.

The thing I worry about is that my life will be *about* my kids once I have them. I can't go for a 3 day solo hike through the Appalachians, or take a Carribean vacation, or make a sudden break for a new life abroad if I've got them. 

Maybe if/when I DO have them, I'll not want to do these 'fun' things anymore and will find having the children much more satisfying. 
But I don't have them yet.

Should I feel like I'm callous? I don't feel bad for having this attitude - these kids don't even exist! - but maybe I should, because before too long I'll be itchin' to produce some offspring??


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I was very conflicted. Really didn't know if I even wanted kids, but I fell in love with the idea because of how much it meant to my wife. Having children changed me tremendously. They got me hook, line and sinker. Just wait until your daughter (if you have one) writes a story called, "My Dad, My Hero", or your son thinks you are the coolest dad in the world because you show him how to make his Evil Knievel wind-up motorcycle jump through a towering flame of death on the back patio while your wife is away shopping.

You'll change. I guarantee it. So what if my wife says that my parenting was the real reason for her pre-mature gray?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

SoWhat said:


> I appreciate these responses, guys. Please keep them coming.
> 
> *The thing I worry about is that my life will be *about* my kids once I have them.* I can't go for a 3 day solo hike through the Appalachians, or take a Carribean vacation, or make a sudden break for a new life abroad if I've got them.
> 
> ...


Yep, the moment you have kids your life changes. You do give things up for sure, but what you gain... there's nothing like it in the world. At times it's really hard, but very rewarding.

My dinner table is so full of life, catching up with the kids.. talking, telling stories, listening to stories... After dinner we talk walks and that's always a treat. It gives me a purpose to work and everything I do, it's just a joy like no other.

I still spend each anniversary with my wife going away for a weekend (leaving the kids with grandma who loves them). A few times I've taken road trips with my friends to catch a college football game or something.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

SoWhat said:


> I appreciate these responses, guys. Please keep them coming.
> 
> The thing I worry about is that my life will be *about* my kids once I have them. I can't go for a 3 day solo hike through the Appalachians, or take a Carribean vacation, or make a sudden break for a new life abroad if I've got them.
> 
> ...


Nope, that may just be who you are. Better to know before you have them than to realize it after the fact.

Do you have nieces/nephews/friends children that you interact with? How do you feel about them, etc?


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Oh, I love kids. Have a blast with them.

Was a great older brother when my younger siblings (9 and 13 years younger) were growing up. Same with the nieces, nephews, and the kids I'd babysit (yeah, did that too). 

I've always gotten along very well with kids and adolescents. I just don't have a yearning to have my own. I don't have a voice in my head that says "MAKE BABIES!"


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

> The thing I worry about is that my life will be *about* my kids once I have them. I can't go for a 3 day solo hike through the Appalachians, or take a Carribean vacation, or make a sudden break for a new life abroad if I've got them.


Well, get busy doing these things before kids!


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Need a job first! 
And the GF is pushing for marriage and, being 4 years older than me, is baby crazy to the nth degree. 

So maybe this is a sign for me...

Not trying to make this about *me.* Just trying to start a discussion about kids, why and when men want them, etc.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

SoWhat said:


> For men who have children: when did you start *really* wanting kids?
> 
> For men who don't: do you have a desire to have kids? A strong desire to have them?
> 
> ...


laugh. Been there.

You dont need to worry, you are normal - everyone else is messed up.  My wife however was like me... we would both roll our eyes at friends and whatnot that simply wouldnt shutup about the kid thing andhow great their kids were and what they ate and how they got a boo-boo and what color their crap was and how Sally did at her recital. Gads.

I never realy wanted kids. We were married for 10 years before we (she and I both) really got serious about having kids, and by then I was really just giving in because my wife finally started talking about wanted them, which she had never done. She never asks for anything actually. I had no intention of being a roadblock.. 'never having kids' at some point just became the bigger concern than 'having them'.

The funny part to me.. was that after she got 2 lines on her pee strip, then yeah... I actually got excited. It has been the best thing that we have ever done.

Dont sweat it. It will all shake out in time. Its ok to boggle at the absurd behavior. Take careful note of how people with kids get fairly occupied with the entire family thing though. It happens.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Thanks, anotherguy. That's very good to hear.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My story is complicated but the short version is I didn't want kids. I wanted a career, money and to have fun. I did that and while we had a good time at some point both my husband and I started wanting a family So after 9 years of marriage and when I was 34 we had our first child. We ended up liking it so much that we went on to have two more. LOL

My sincere advice is don't have a baby until you want one and are ready.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I'll go a bit further.

I saw my ex-wife and her sisters compete on houses, babies, etc.

All done to keep up with the Jones'

It may have worked out pretty well for one of the 6


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Conrad said:


> ..All done to keep up with the Jones'...


Im not buying that part. Babies to 'keep up with the Jones'?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband were weird..... we talked about having at least 3 kids (but one had to be a girl or we'd keep going) & all of our "family" dreams while dating, he was on board with all of it from the get go - my family life left much to be desired - I never had siblings -I envied those with large familes & all the happy chaos it brings. I would not have even dated a guy who felt differntly. He wanted me to be a SAHM and we worked it . 
...pregnant 3 months later. We were thrilled. 

My husband is an excellent father, I think the kids like him more than me . He helps them with their homework, watches movies with them , plays games ( I hate cartoons & want to pull my hair out with board games).. but the teens love talking to Mom. He entertains the elementary kids, I enjoy the babies & the teen years. Where one of us lacks a little... the other is proficient- it seems. 

Be sure to marry someone on board with your personal dreams, your time table even.....having children is a huge responsibilty, and if both parents are working, so very much to juggle, and don't forget the housework too. 

Do and live your hearts desire- whatever that is- find someone compatible. If any question lurks in your mind, you're probably not ready yet..wait a while. And then sometimes Children won't wait. Watch that birth control wisely and if on anti-biotics... I've known a few unexpected MOMs who made that mistake (while taking the pill).


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

SoWhat said:


> For men who have children: when did you start *really* wanting kids?
> 
> For men who don't: do you have a desire to have kids? A strong desire to have them?


I have a son from my HS girlfriend that was unplanned but have no desire to have kids with my wife now. A couple years ago I would have said "Heck no, not ever" but for whatever reason I've changed a little over the last year. My wife still has no desire to go through the birthing process so we are ok not having them right now. If she came to me and said she really desired to have a kid I would agree to that. We are in our mid 30's so I wouldn't want more than 2 this late in the game.

Sometimes I wonder if we are missing out but I don't have the desire for them. Part of my problem now is that my marriage is so dysfunctional right now (especially in sex) that I couldn't stand it to be any worse or subject a kid to this. I feel like we have to get healthy in our relationship before even considering kids. Since we aren't dealing with issues that have persisted for over a decade I doubt we ever will.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I always wanted kids. I wanted more but we couldn't have more than we have.


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