# What's a satisfying sexual life in your opinion?



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

My sexual life has been pretty boring until recently I tried to inject something new.
Actually not new but very basic thing to be enjoyed by men, blow job.
It sounds pretty weird, which men don't love blow job? My husband!! Luckily, he has just started to know that blow job is good. 
Another basic stuff is 69. After he is 100% sure that blow job is something terrific, then I will add on 69.
Together with some other basic stuffs, such as kissing, nipples teasing, basic sex will end with orgasms. Overall this package would be my basic standard of satisfying sex. It's not yet my max. satisfaction though.
Am I asking too much? How about you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

To me, a satisfying sex life boils down to both of us being happy with it. Frequency, variety, length of encounter, activity, all of that...I can't sit here and say it has to be this, this, this, and that. There might be things I'd want to do that he wouldn't, and vice versa. To say that my sex life would only be satisfying if we did or didn't do those things would be to say that what we already have is unsatisfactory, and I can't do that. If we are both happy with our sex life, or we are both willing to work to make it better if we're not, then to me, that makes for a satisfying sex life.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> To me, a satisfying sex life boils down to both of us being happy with it. Frequency, variety, length of encounter, activity, all of that...I can't sit here and say it has to be this, this, this, and that. There might be things I'd want to do that he wouldn't, and vice versa. To say that my sex life would only be satisfying if we did or didn't do those things would be to say that what we already have is unsatisfactory, and I can't do that. If we are both happy with our sex life, or we are both willing to work to make it better if we're not, then to me, that makes for a satisfying sex life.


It sounds very general.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

You are not asking too much. 

What you ask is basic. 

I find it confusing here, if I remember correctly, your husband is from Italy, my husband told me that Italian men are romantic. I don't understand why your husband is different. Well, we are all different. 

Is he a Catholic? 

You need to let him know what it can cause you if you don't feel sexually satisfied. You had already done it once, he should be grateful that you stop it. I also find it confusing that he doesn't know the seriousness of your EA. If you were having an EA, it meant you were not happy in the marriage, you were lacking something emotionally. 

Sometimes a man doesn't understand the seriousness of satisfying his wife sexually and emotionally until she wants to leave, then he wants to do whatever she wants so he can keep her. Very ironic! 

Well, sounds like you guys are having good conversation and trying to understand each other. 

Keep on doing the good work and hope you find the satisfying spot soon!!!


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

A common issue is some ppl can feel happy with very boring old sex routine. It might be not very exciting but it's not terrible of course. 
After many years having same foreplay and same 1 position, it's still not terrible because I still can have orgasms and my husband is fine with the routine, but it's not satisfying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> You are not asking too much.
> 
> What you ask is basic.
> 
> ...


My husband has a beast in him. He might seem rational but I know deep in his bone he's a playful and naughty man in his nature. I'm searching for the codes to unlock the beast.
My husband thinks my EA is only my imaginations. He knows himself a good husband so he doesn't think I'm unhappy in marriage. Therefore, he can't understand my emotion problems. Whenever I told him about my problems, he told me, stop forum so you don't think so much everyday!
He actually thinks this forum causes me to have emotional problems... LOL


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

My husband is very romantic out of bed. I need him to be more romantic in bed as well!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> My husband has a beast in him. He might seem rational but I know deep in his bone he's a playful and naughty man in his nature. I'm searching for the codes to unlock the beast.
> My husband thinks my EA is only my imaginations. He knows himself a good husband so he doesn't think I'm unhappy in marriage. Therefore, he can't understand my emotion problems. Whenever I told him about my problems, he told me, stop forum so you don't think so much everyday!
> He actually thinks this forum causes me to have emotional problems... LOL


Does he watch porn? Will watching porn together help? Some men are conservative, they don't understand the sexual romantic part. To them, maybe sex is only for having children. I think that's what Catholic teaches, sex is only for having children. Enjoying sex is sin. From this forum, we have seen some women in western countries are affected by this, so I am sure a lot of men are affected too.

He loves you in his way, now he has to learn to love you in your way. I think it is important for you to tell him how serious it is for him to love you in your way. And I believe you are doing!!!


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Does he watch porn? Will watching porn together help? Some men are conservative, they don't understand the sexual romantic part. To them, maybe sex is only for having children. I think that's what Catholic teaches, sex is only for having children. Enjoying sex is sin. From this forum, we have seen some women in western countries are affected by this, so I am sure a lot of men are affected too.
> 
> He loves you in his way, now he has to learn to love you in your way. I think it is important for you to tell him how serious it is for him to love you in your way. And I believe you are doing!!!


My husband is conservative. It's very frustrating for me to please him! He sticks to what he knows. He always believes himself already know everything so I don't have to try anything new. If I try it was because I like it not because he likes it. So I had to insist and kinda force him to allow me to give him blow job. 
It's quite insulting and I didn't like his attitude but because I need to work on my marriage and stop thinking about the OM. I must have a sexual life that is mutually satisfied.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Ok now he thinks blow job is good but his attitude actually pissed me off. I tried not to show my resentment on my face and continue to do my best. Now my question is why the heck that I'm the only one want to make the sexual life satisfying?


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> It sounds very general.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is. I have no right to tell him our sex life is unsatisfying because he won't do something I want him to, or vice versa. We believe our sex life is about doing WITH each other, not TO each other, and if both of us aren't willing to do something, then it's not WITH and therefore isn't any good. 

We are far from boring though. We do pretty much anything and everything, so long as it doesn't involve blood, urine/defacation, or other people. Anything else is fair game, with the understanding that if one of us doesn't like it, we don't do it again. We also communicate about what we want to do, how we feel about different activities, and we don't expect each other to do something that they don't want to do. 

Your sex life won't be satisfying, or fun, if you're insisting on doing things that he doesn't want to do. You have to both agree to do things, otherwise it's going to build up resentment, on both sides: you because you're doing it and he's not enjoying it and him because he feels you're forcing him.


----------



## sadmel (Dec 3, 2010)

With someone I love completely, in all aspects: best friend, things in common, common goals and dream, sexually attracted to and compatible with. Someone you are completely comfortable with, comfortable saying anything to...No games. Someone I look at and say, "God I love you so much, in every way!" 

Wouldn't that be nice? :smthumbup:


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Ok now he thinks blow job is good but his attitude actually pissed me off. I tried not to show my resentment on my face and continue to do my best. Now my question is why the heck that I'm the only one want to make the sexual life satisfying?


In my opinion, he is content in your marriage, and he has other things to focus in his life, like his job and you mentioned politics. Sometimes some men are so obsessed with their career, they tend not to put much effort into pleasing their wives, they think money can solve all the problems. And it is very wrong for these men to have this idea. 

It is also wrong that your husband thinks he knows everything, he knows what it is best for him. Nobody can say that, obviously he doesn't know what he should do to make you happy. Anyway, for this kind of men, you have to be extremely patient. We all know it is almost impossible to change others unless he himself wants to change. We can only change our attitude and our view about life. 

You are doing the right thing by communicating with him calmly!


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank you, greenpearl! You have made many valid points. My husband doesn't put effort in spicing up sexual life and thought he's fine with old routine, but now he's more content with the difference I made in bed. It's more fun and we did 4 times last week. We never did so many times in our entire marriage. I'm actually feeling sick of it because I made it happen by putting up with his attitude. I had to force him to let me try to give him a blow job. Without his permission I can't touch his cok. What the heck is that? Excuse me, I'm not talking about forcing him to let me try out a thing that is terrible. I'm talking about I'm begging him to allow me suck his penis and he gave me lots of attitude before I started and I was extremely frustrated.
Now he said he liked it and appreciated my seeking changes in bed, including changing positions. Just now we had a very argumentive communication. He said why now our sexual life has improved and I still have things to complain? Because it still sucks! I've been the only one who cares to make improvements happen and who wanted impossible things become possible because I insisted and because I swallowed all his negative attitudes and most importantly because I complained and communicated!
The communication was not smooth, because he started to give attitudes again and looked upset, I lost my patient and I argued with him. In the end we did calm ourselves down and began good conversations.
The things are I'm not sure how long I can go on working on this. It's really much easier to find a man who just wants to have fun.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Thank you, greenpearl! You have made many valid points. My husband doesn't put effort in spicing up sexual life and thought he's fine with old routine, but now he's more content with the difference I made in bed. It's more fun and we did 4 times last week. We never did so many times in our entire marriage. I'm actually feeling sick of it because I made it happen by putting up with his attitude. I had to force him to let me try to give him a blow job. Without his permission I can't touch his cok. What the heck is that? Excuse me, I'm not talking about forcing him to let me try out a thing that is terrible. I'm talking about I'm begging him to allow me suck his penis and he gave me lots of attitude before I started and I was extremely frustrated.
> Now he said he liked it and appreciated my seeking changes in bed, including changing positions. Just now we had a very argumentive communication. He said why now our sexual life has improved and I still have things to complain? Because it still sucks! I've been the only one who cares to make improvements happen and who wanted impossible things become possible because I insisted and because I swallowed all his negative attitudes and most importantly because I complained and communicated!
> The communication was not smooth, because he started to give attitudes again and looked upset, I lost my patient and I argued with him. In the end we did calm ourselves down and began good conversations.
> The things are I'm not sure how long I can go on working on this. It's really much easier to find a man who just wants to have fun.


In our life, sometimes we have this, but we don't have that. We have that, but we don't have this. It is never perfect as what we want. 

For example, I have a happy marriage, but I am far away from my family and I am in a place where it is difficult for me to have friends. You know, Taiwanese don't like Chinese. 

I have learned to live with it. I used to have big empty feeling and strong longing to be near home, but my situation doesn't allow me to do it. So I have learned to accept the fact and live with it, now I feel much more peaceful.

It's good that your husband is changing now, and he enjoys blow jobs you give. When he sees you put so much effort into making your sex life spicier, and he enjoys it, he should want to be involved too. 

It is difficult to change a conservative man to be a hot man right away, I don't know if it is possible, I failed myself many years ago. I left. When he wanted to do what I wanted, it was too late. You are doing better than I did. You still give him chances and time to change! He will, I think! But I don't know how long it will take! You know that answer!


----------



## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> A common issue is some ppl can feel happy with very boring old sex routine. It might be not very exciting but it's not terrible of course.
> After many years having same foreplay and same 1 position, it's still not terrible because I still can have orgasms and my husband is fine with the routine, but it's not satisfying.


It's an extremely common issue and can be devastating to a marriage without communication.




Many of the things you said describe your husband as being in denial and having fear. Try something new that doesn't involve a bj and see if he gives you the freedom to do what you want.





MsLonely said:


> My husband is very romantic out of bed. I need him to be more romantic in bed as well!


Try encouraging him to have sex when he is being romantic, wherever you happen to be.





MsLonely said:


> The things are I'm not sure how long I can go on working on this. It's really much easier to find a man who just wants to have fun.


Sometimes it is easier, that's why you hear people say "I'm working on my marriage"


----------



## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

I'm not sure why you are getting resentment because your sex routine isnt going to magically change overnight. It happens over time. Have some patience and I'm sure you will be greatly rewarded.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> In our life, sometimes we have this, but we don't have that. We have that, but we don't have this. It is never perfect as what we want.
> 
> For example, I have a happy marriage, but I am far away from my family and I am in a place where it is difficult for me to have friends. You know, Taiwanese don't like Chinese.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry to hear that Taiwanese people don't like people from China. I'm sure you will find friends very soon because there are lots of people from China who live in Taiwan and there will be more and more.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Last night I cried silently. I was terribly hurt and felt alone. 

I resent my husband because I'm the one who cares, what satisfies him the most, what he likes, what turns him on, what his fantasies, but he would never ask what about me. He knows very little about my sexual interests. It seems I'm the only person who needs sex in the entire marriage.

He has no idea about my fantasies and what turned me on the most.

I also resent the OM as well. I thought I'd found a prince who is fun & easy to talk to, who is able to meet my emotional needs in my EA. After 3 years, the prince has ended up being an ugly toad instead of a prince.

I think I would completedly shut myself down soon. I just don't want to love any man. I can't get divorced because of my child, and I can't have an affair either. I have no choice but to stay alone in my own isolated world again!


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> so you want to get him interested in new things?? get him relaxed and just do something new, take it slow, try blind folding him, and not actually using anything,tell him his hands are bound, its an honor system, you only do things he would like, [just some, do somethings you would like to do to him] have a saftey word.
> 
> i would say that our sex life is good, and we always try to keep it interesting, like teasing and touching when the other is busy, on the computer or at video games...but for us never on the phone, its always one of our moms[ewwww] but if you are comfortable with phone touching or a little oral teasing, then go for it, also a distracted man is much easier to take advantage of...ha,ha,ha
> 
> ...


Trust me, I've been extremely patient and soft when I intended to try something new.

I gave my husband massage for half an hour, and kissed him gently for 10 mins and caress him like a baby for another 20 mins. I still had no chace to get into his pants to give him a blow job. Only asking permission, it took me an hour to give him a blow job! 

Before I started, he gave me lots of attitude regardless all the love & service I generously offered, only to put his mind in peace. 

What did he do to make me wet? Nothing! 

After he's satisfied with my blow job, he wanted F. So I went on top with a dry pusxy, and I had a hard time to insert his cok, so I told him I was not wet, hell yes, who cared? he didn't feel sorry about it but just waited to see with an attitude to see what I was gonna do next. So I had to make myself wet as well.

Let's switch our husbands!!!!! Take mine first!!!

I really don't think I expect too much from a man.

I can't feel loved in bed!!


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I'm sorry to hear that Taiwanese people don't like people from China. I'm sure you will find friends very soon because there are lots of people from China who live in Taiwan and there will be more and more.


Women who marry Taiwanese here in Taiwan are not happy. Most of them are not happy. They didn't know that they were fooled by those men until they came to Taiwan. 

Long story.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Last night I cried silently. I was terribly hurt and felt alone.
> 
> I resent my husband because I'm the one who cares, what satisfies him the most, what he likes, what turns him on, what his fantasies, but he would never ask what about me. He knows very little about my sexual interests. It seems I'm the only person who needs sex in the entire marriage.
> 
> ...


It is terrible to feel like that. I had been like that. I understand that feeling. 

I took the leaving step, I found a job, I became independent, I gave up everything.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I just sms my husband that I'm losing hopes in marriage and I want to run away from home and pls don't call me back. He called back immediately and we had some talk. I don't think I can work on my marriage anymore when he's just waiting to see what I'm gonna do next, so he can give me feedbacks & judgements. The whole thing is wrong. My begging for bj, sex and love, the whole thing is wrong. I've been the only person who care about a great sexual life with the spouse. I don't feel loved and I don't feel his passion. It's killing me and once again, putting me back to the old point where I lost my hope and met the OM, starting my 3-year EA. 
I'm at this point again but the OM has gone. I have no one to turn to for validations.
Do I need to find a new OM, idolise him to start all over a new affair again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> some guys just arent that onto it..go fig...the two of you should talk, he has to trust you completely. the bith of you need to say what is intimate to you. i know some guys, dont want their wife doin those dirty things...
> 
> if, you can talk very openly between yall, sexual things will come out, if you get mad and force the issue, it will not go over well. im sorry you were hurt, but he should know what was upsetting, but do not shame him.
> 
> ...


We have to switch husbands so you know mine has no fun and desires for any game I proposed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I thought everyone on this forum were Americans for some reason... MsLonely where is SG?

Reading your topics I'm seeing a lot of similarities yet differences between me and your husband. BTW... I don't want to seem rude but I have to admit that only 1 woman in my life has ever given me a decent BJ, and that's my wife. Other women had difficulties, but I don't know if I would be much help if I tell you...


----------



## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

For me? Constant sexual newness and variety.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> I'm actually feeling sick of it because I made it happen by putting up with his attitude. I had to force him to let me try to give him a blow job. Without his permission I can't touch his cok. What the heck is that? Excuse me, I'm not talking about forcing him to let me try out a thing that is terrible. I'm talking about I'm begging him to allow me suck his penis and he gave me lots of attitude before I started and I was extremely frustrated.


I feel for you MsLonely, I truly do. I personally would not be able to deal with this, I would have to leave a man like this, too many men out there who would die for this kind of treatment and appreciate such a woman. 

Was it always this way ? 

How long have you been married ? 

When did things start to change? 

Do you feel his attitude is from your EA - I assume this is out in the open? Has he forgiven you-or do you feel he harbors great hurt & resentment towards you and he is closing himself off sexually?

Do you feel a "religious mindset" IS the hangup why he seems to want to deny himself this pleasure -feeling it is DIRTY somehow? If he is this conservative, I assume he feels porn is bad. 

Do you feel his issue is Hormonal -possibly -low sex drive- low testosterone levels? IF he wakes up every morning with Erections -it would not be this. Or erections come easily with touch/thoughts. 

Anything less than FEELING DESIRED in the bedroom -in the act- for me, would = an unsatisfying sex life. I would NEVER be able to handle anything remotely begging my husband to do these things. I feel you are absolutely correct, these things just SHOULDN'T BE. 

If he is not willing to seriously work on these issues, as they are truly hurting you, to the point of crying, feeling rejected, alone, and unhappy, then he is simply not being a loving husband. (unless of coarse you & him have unresolved issues due to your EA that is hanging him up & he needs MORE from you emotionally??) 

If not, then you may need to move on -for your own happiness and fullfillment. For you, a satisfying sex life is VERY IMPORTANT , and there is nothing wrong with that. You need to find a man who has Physical Touch as his love language , and he needs to find a woman who doesn't. Maybe then you will both find your happiness. 

My husband does not wake up with morning erections, he is not as horny as other men his age, BUT he LOVES when I touch, play, suck & lavish him any way sexually. HIs member is where he wants me to go every time. And this makes me feel like a little kid in the candy store. Makes me very very very happy.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

OK, here goes...

- How hard do you suck and when and how often? 
- Do you tease him as well? 
Just curious...

- Vary it, implement a handjob with it, BOTH hands... hell this so hard to explain in words...

Have him in your mouth, suck gently while stroking the shaft, then take him out, let him see your tongue play with the head, push it back, lick the underside, stroke it, caress his balls, run your hand down his inner thigh, tap the underside of the tip, then roll your tongue over the head, put him back in, keep up the momentum, keep jerking him, be playful with it, be passionate about it. Give your tongue a break, use your hands, keep it up, jerk him while your other hand plays with the head, before you put him back in, tease him with your tongue on the underside, make him beg to be inside your mouth, etc etc... argh, darn now I wish the missus and I ain't fighting...

Ne ways hell I don't know if this is going to work on him but hey, it works on me, and I never really had better until I met my wife.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> I thought everyone on this forum were Americans for some reason... MsLonely where is SG?
> 
> Reading your topics I'm seeing a lot of similarities yet differences between me and your husband. BTW... I don't want to seem rude but I have to admit that only 1 woman in my life has ever given me a decent BJ, and that's my wife. Other women had difficulties, but I don't know if I would be much help if I tell you...


Singapore. My husband now he likes my bj after he allowed me to give him one. 
I was bothered because I was the only one who cares about great sex in the marriage. I put effort in spicing up sex. I simply need him to feel comfortable with me & enjoy sex and reach our max. sexual satisfaction. 

Shouldn't we enjoy what sex has to offer? I'm his wife, why must he be defensive & conservative?


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> OK, here goes...
> 
> - How hard do you suck and when and how often?
> - Do you tease him as well?
> ...


This is a great bj instruction. LOL What a pity that now you're losing your wife. Save your lovely marriage!

To asnwer your question:

I can give bj everytime and I also love to tease. I can do any service that my husband enjoys. My target is to make him feel comfortable and enjoy anything he wants in bed. My target is to see him reach his maximum satisfaction.

My husband doesn't like licking, or any work on his balls... 

He only like his cok to be sucked slowly. So I gave him what he enjoyed the most. His feedback was positive. He liked it.

I did very similar stuff you described in the past, and he didn't like it. So I found out he just wanted me to suck it slowly.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel for you MsLonely, I truly do. I personally would not be able to deal with this, I would have to leave a man like this, too many men out there who would die for this kind of treatment and appreciate such a woman.
> 
> Was it always this way ?
> 
> ...


Thank you very much for your many good words and understanding!

We, women, are just as simple as you described, we will be very happy when our men loves when we touch, play, suck and lavish him any way sexually.

About my EA,

I've just double-confirmed with my husband again if he felt bothered because of my EA? 

He said, "Not really." Of course, he wouldn't like if I had EA everyday but he loved & trusted me just the same.

Do I feel his issue is Hormonal -possibly -low sex drive- low testosterone levels?

Yes. He did suffer from low sex drive & low testosterone level before. Now his level has come back to normal range because of weight loss & exercise. He did the blood test 2 months ago. Everything is fine.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Now I started to get my answers why my husband has been unwilling & defensive when I made efforts in bringing fun in bed.

Yesterday, he admitted that he lacks of self-confidence in bed. That's why he's been sticking to a routine because it made him feel safe. 

He appreciated my work and I made him understand that he worried too much.

Ok, then when I requested changing positions, in the beginning he was very defensive and he was actually mad at me?

Because many years ago, he injured his knee and had a surgery. He didn't know that his knee won't hurt him any more when performing the man-on-top position.

He sticked to the side-ways because he tought it's safe. Now he thinks himself being stupid about sticking to only 1 position for so many years. 

Then, why must I ask him for permission to give him a bj?

His answer was, in the past, he had suffered from erectile dysfunction & pain in the knee for many years. He's been ignoring his sexual needs and automatically cancelled himself from having all kinds of fun. He always has a fear and many worries until now I made him realise his health condition is going back on the right track. He apologised to me.

He said he has just realised he's been silly. He thought he's still sick. He appreciated my work for a better sexual life and he promised me that from today he would lead and he's the one in charge. So I don't have to work anymore.

I told him I don't trust his leadership. For years, he always wanted to lead in bed but nothing new ever happened.

He reassured me that he would come up with some new ideas, which I really don't believe.

We reached an agreement that we always tell each other what we like and what we want. We will have fun & enjoy the relationship without being defensive & conservative.

I've reached a sucessful communication. Now I have to wait and see what would happen. 

Is my dull & boring sexual life going to change?


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trust him, the more you trust him, the more confident he will become. If you doubt him, it will put you into a negative mood, and it won't make him feel good. Just encourage him to do what you like him to do. 

Good communication is always good, it helps you two understand each other.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> ok first off, you would sent my h back sooo fast. he prides himself on being an a**hole. dosent bother me, i think when im not around is when he is his worst. dont know..
> 
> he and i dont play "games" either, he likes me to dress up on my sun dresses, and give him oral and he videos it.
> 
> ...


I had an emotional affair for 3 year because I was putting back to a point 3 years ago when I did my best to work on our sexless marriage, I only got rejections and more rejections from my husband. The fact was, he's having an affair! 

I don't want to mention that or relate his affairs to my EA because I have forgiven him. 

My husband has changed and he's been faithful to me. Our marriage was peaceful for the past 2 years but the sexual life remains sexless, meanwhile I was in love with the OM, until I found this forum that encouraged me to make a difference in my marriage.

I cut off my contact with the OM, then the OM contacted me. I told him I'm not interested in him anymore and Bye. He replied, Bye!

I started to work on my marriage, especially the sexless part.
The whole process wasn't smooth. It hurts. 

I almost wanted to run away from my husband and lost my hope, I really wanted contact the OM, but I kept checking forums and people told me to keep communicating with my husband.

Yesterday my husband finally gave me some hope. I'm not sure if that means everything will be fine, at least, there's a hope.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Trust him, the more you trust him, the more confident he will become. If you doubt him, it will put you into a negative mood, and it won't make him feel good. Just encourage him to do what you like him to do.
> 
> Good communication is always good, it helps you two understand each other.


Thank you greenpearl, it's very hard for me to trust my husband. He has wasted 6 years and I have waited for a miracle, doing what he wanted under his leadership for 6 years only to have a sexless marriage. Same foreplay, same position. It took me lots of efforts to push him to add on new position. It's killing me because I have to swallow his rejections.

I told him it's enough. For the next 6 years, he will do what I want, just to be fair. I have a suspect that if I need to wait him to lead, the sexual life will be sexless again.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Greenpearl, it's very lucky of you that your husband is fun & loving and you don't have to worry about a thing in bed. 

My husband is fun & loving out of bed. He's loving but not fun in bed.

I don't want to get old in that way. When I'm old, I will have menopause, it would be much harder for women to enjoy sex.


----------



## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Well I guess its a pretty small price to pay. It's either that or no sex, from what I can gather.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

76Trombones said:


> Well I guess its a pretty small price to pay. It's either that or no sex, from what I can gather.


Not so small...


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Thank you greenpearl, it's very hard for me to trust my husband. He has wasted 6 years and I have waited for a miracle, doing what he wanted under his leadership for 6 years only to have a sexless marriage. Same foreplay, same position. It took me lots of efforts to push him to add on new position. It's killing me because I have to swallow his rejections.
> 
> I told him it's enough. For the next 6 years, he will do what I want, just to be fair. I have a suspect that if I need to wait him to lead, the sexual life will be sexless again.


No, don't wait for him to lead. You have done a lot to get what you have now. Don't stop in the middle. 

Sounds like your husband has realized that his fear was ridiculous. 

Now he doesn't have health issue, you guys can explore together. 

It is important for us to seduce our men too. I am glad that my husband likes it when I seduce him, he gives me good reaction. His good reaction encourages me to seduce him even more. Your husband needs to know that. 

I had been through boring sex, I understand your frustration. It is easy for me to encourage you now, back ten years ago, I chose to quit myself. 

You are doing better than me ten years ago.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> No, don't wait for him to lead. You have done a lot to get what you have now. Don't stop in the middle.
> 
> Sounds like your husband has realized that his fear was ridiculous.
> 
> ...


Mind if you share some seducing ideas? How did your husband like it?


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Mind if you share some seducing ideas? How did your husband like it?




First we have a lot of time together, and we don't have kids. So what I am doing is very convenient! 

I am naked, I walk up to him, and start playing with my tits in front of him and giving him naughty smiles.

I sit in front of him, I'll open my legs and let him see my pu$$$ and start playing with it. I know you and I disagreed with keeping our pu$$$ shaved, but if I want my husband to look at my pu$$$, I keep it a very nice shape so it is enjoyable for him to stare. Besides, my husband likes my pu$$$ nicely shaped. 

I wear sexy underwear in front of him, I also wear sexy gowns in front of him sometimes for a change. 

When he is naked, I just go up to him and grab his cok and play with it. 

When he is reading, I just go up to him and start sucking his cok. Same thing when he is in front of the computer. I don't ask for his permission, I just go up to him and start sucking him. 

I smell his balls to get myself horny, when I kiss him, I don't just peck him, I linger and smell him...........

When we have sex, I say dirty words, I moan to encourage him to **** me harder, the more I am into sex, the hornier my husband becomes. 

My husband is very into what I am doing!  He is a dirty man! 

He encourages me to do what I am doing, hey, he is being pleased, why not?


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> First we have a lot of time together, and we don't have kids. So what I am doing is very convenient!
> 
> I am naked, I walk up to him, and start playing with my tits in front of him and giving him naughty smiles.
> 
> ...


You're doing an excellent work in seducing your husband.

I don't mean I hate shaved puxxy, as I used to shave. Just feel too itchy when the hair grows back, so it must be shaved everyday. I prefer to trim. My husband doesn't care about it anyway.

Your husband is very lucky! My husband is too timid. He would become very defensive if I don't ask permissions to touch his thing. I have to "respect" him in this way.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I need some less bold seducing ideas for teasing a timid man...

With my husband, I must start slowly. I can't just go right in front of him naked & start teasing myself although I don't think I have a problem to do that but this is not his taste.


----------



## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I need some less bold seducing ideas for teasing a timid man...
> 
> With my husband, I must start slowly. I can't just go right in front of him naked & start teasing myself although I don't think I have a problem to do that but this is not his taste.


I think sensual massages would be a great way to start. Don't force him to get naked right away, but instead just give him a simple backrub with clothes on and gradually get him to lay down, take off his shirt, etc. so that he is relaxed and prepared.

Another idea would be to talk softly to him about all of the things you want to do (preferably start out with things he's ok with)...Then do them. This way he knows what will happen and will feel more comfortable enjoying it.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

lime said:


> I think sensual massages would be a great way to start. Don't force him to get naked right away, but instead just give him a simple backrub with clothes on and gradually get him to lay down, take off his shirt, etc. so that he is relaxed and prepared.
> 
> Another idea would be to talk softly to him about all of the things you want to do (preferably start out with things he's ok with)...Then do them. This way he knows what will happen and will feel more comfortable enjoying it.


Thanks a lot!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I need some less bold seducing ideas for teasing a timid man...
> 
> With my husband, I must start slowly. I can't just go right in front of him naked & start teasing myself although I don't think I have a problem to do that but this is not his taste.


  

Yes, it is important to know what he likes and do what he likes. 

You will scare him if you do what I do! 

Ask him what is the best way to turn him on, we are all different!

How about soft music, dim light, and your wearing a sexy gown............................


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Yes, it is important to know what he likes and do what he likes.
> 
> You will scare him if you do what I do!
> 
> ...


Yes, that's something he likes. 
I was thinking to set up a candlelight dinner and dress up like a lady without panties. Let him go under the table to explore with a torch light. 
He liked this idea. I'm thinking how to empty the house as I have a daughter, a maid and a dog at home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Yes, that's something he likes.
> I was thinking to set up a candlelight dinner and dress up like a lady without panties. Let him go under the table to explore with a torch light.
> He liked this idea. I'm thinking how to empty the house as I have a daughter, a maid and a dog at home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Give them some money and tell them to watch a movie in a movie theater or go to a park. 

How old is your child? Can they go out to the city?


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Yes she can. She's old enough,16. My daughter will be easier to arrange. The maid instead has no day off by contract. Even I allow her to, she doesn't know where to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Yes she can. She's old enough,16. My daughter will be easier to arrange. The maid instead has no day off by contract. Even I allow her to, she doesn't know where to go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Where is the maid from? Don't they have friends? 

Then maybe you and your husband have to go to a hotel! 

Singapore doesn't have the kind of motels like Taiwan does, does it?


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Where is the maid from? Don't they have friends?
> 
> Then maybe you and your husband have to go to a hotel!
> 
> Singapore doesn't have the kind of motels like Taiwan does, does it?


No! I really miss the Motel in Taiwan. It's a perfect place for great sex. Equipments are great, bath tub is big and it's jacuzzi, the decoration is very romantic. The adult videos are good, you turn on the TV and find Asian and Western prons.
Singapore basically ban adult videos. You can only find online. Taiwan Motel is a perfect place to screw the brain off!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I need some less bold seducing ideas for teasing a timid man...
> 
> With my husband, I must start slowly. I can't just go right in front of him naked & start teasing myself although I don't think I have a problem to do that but this is not his taste.


Which part of a woman's body turns him on the most?

For me personally it's the legs, so the missus keeps them shaved and her skin tanned, wears short skirts or a dress with a split... also her neck and shoulders, so to look sexy the missus ties her hair up to expose them... also sideboob and underboob, different outfits give off different teases - for boobs as well as other parts of the body. Different outfits for different tastes


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

My husband loves romantic stuffs more than me. Fancy restaurants, nice meal, good wine...
Instead I can eat at food court and I don't care about wine. Green tea or a coffee will do.
He loves sex to start slowly. So slowly that I almost fall into sleep. LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Which part of a woman's body turns him on the most?
> 
> For me personally it's the legs, so the missus keeps them shaved and her skin tanned, wears short skirts or a dress with a split... also her neck and shoulders, so to look sexy the missus ties her hair up to expose them... also sideboob and underboob, different outfits give off different teases - for boobs as well as other parts of the body. Different outfits for different tastes


I have no idea which parts of woman's body he likes the most. I will ask him and find out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I notice a lot of posts on this subject from you, and it makes me wonder something. Could he be feeling emasculated, lacking in confidence, no good and unappreciated in this area? It would seem that the expected reaction would be, gee my wife is not happy, let's do something about it! And our rational side says that is the way it works. But if I felt unattractive and not good enough, even through no intent of my partner, I would be more inclined to avoid, hide and withdraw/shut down. I don't know if this is the case for your husband. But it is a thought to throw out there.


----------



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I need some less bold seducing ideas for teasing a timid man...
> 
> With my husband, I must start slowly. I can't just go right in front of him naked & start teasing myself although I don't think I have a problem to do that but this is not his taste.


MsLonely, I talked to my wife last Friday over coffe away from the kids and put my heart on the table, i explained her that it was not about having more sex or different things around sex, what was killing me was her attitude towards those things...I told her that i was looking to feel loved by feeling that she want and desire me....i told her that until this day she had never made feel desired, sexy or really wanted and that was what my problem was....how can i feel happy when i don feel loved at the time to be together....she understood better that i thought, right that night she was a different woman...she felt confortable, she jumped on top of me, and well, lets put this way, she Fu....k me like a pro...and the following day was the same and until today....is about attitude...i don't even miss lets do this or lets do that, we have had more or less the same things for a few nights but it has been incredible since i feel like she really wants me the sounds she makes, what she says, how she reacts as our love making session progrecess, how she has no problems with me touching here and there, i tried, however, to ask her if she is the mood for this or that before hand, but i dont mind as long as her attitude is like she really wants to be with me....is how she reacts, how she is into it, how her eyes go nuts, is everything together that makes me feel like a stud!....i love her so much for that.....i hope my experience helps


----------



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> My husband loves romantic stuffs more than me. Fancy restaurants, nice meal, good wine...
> Instead I can eat at food court and I don't care about wine. Green tea or a coffee will do.
> He loves sex to start slowly. So slowly that I almost fall into sleep. LOL
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need a week with someone like me to get all your primal animal out of system; that is, you need to be fu...ked like the world is going to end...only then, you'll feel satisfied and truly happy...i understand how you feel, sucks!.....you should try to masturbate in a way where you can really, at least, get close to feel satisfy.

good luck!


----------



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

It stinks that you are in this situation. 

This has been said before but OMG. There are tons of men that have to beg for BJs. LOL. 

Ifind it strange that your H needs to give you permission to touch his d%%. I am curious do you know much about his upbringing? I am of the opinion that alot of a persons openess (or inhibition) in the area of sex can probably be traced back to how they were raised. I know you say he is OK with your EA and all but, he may not be entirely honest. If he still held a big grudge would he say that? It is good that you both are communicating. Your methods of seduction as you pointed out may need to be toned down from those of Greanpearl but, you should try different things. 

I have to agree with the other poster regarding BJs. It is great that you want to do that. I am not sure if he stoped you because he was not comfortable with the act on a psychological level or if he did not quite enjoy it. Personally, i think that done properly it is one of life's best pleasures a man can experience but, understand BJs can be bad (if your teeth scrape) and hurt. They can also be kind of make a guy just want to F because they may be arousing but, don't provide the kind of stimulation to really get a guy going. As other stated be sure to use your hands, etc....I am sure if you google how to give a blowjob: you will get allot of info. Whatever you do with/to him always solicit feedback. "do you like this" harder, slower, faster. He may not tell you unless you ask. 

Good luck and keep at it. You deserve to be happy.


----------



## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> My sexual life has been pretty boring until recently I tried to inject something new.
> Actually not new but very basic thing to be enjoyed by men, blow job.
> It sounds pretty weird, which men don't love blow job? My husband!! Luckily, he has just started to know that blow job is good.
> Another basic stuff is 69. After he is 100% sure that blow job is something terrific, then I will add on 69.
> ...


Sometimes I feel like I'm in an alternate universe when I read some of these posts, like I'm being punk'ed... Like life played some crazy cruel joke on me that there are women out there that actually want sex more then their husbands. 

Well I could have written this post too  Just recently, finally my wife started letting me go down on her and she realized how enjoyable me performing oral on her can be . We haven't gone there yet but I'm really really really hoping we'll be able to add on 69 soon too! 

I don't have a satisfying sex life right now at all. I feel like I'm starving and given barely enough bread and water to sustain me, and in fact have to feed myself most of the time  When my wife enjoys sex she really enjoys sex. Sometimes she'll have several orgasms and I'll always make sure she cums if I can help it. But usually we'll spend barely any time (maybe 2 minutes and sometimes 0 minutes) kissing then she'll want to get right to it and start having sex. She usually cums very fast, within a few minutes and I'm pretty good at coordinating so we orgasm together so usually sex last only about 5-10 minutes, sometimes less. There are lots of times that I don't want to cum yet when she's getting close, I want to just keep having sex but the only way I get to cum inside her is if we orgasm together. 

And I know that once I cum it's over and I'm not getting anything else for a week if I'm lucky, sometimes 2 or more weeks. There's no afterplay or having sex again, it's like a switch goes off and she's done, period. So usually I wait (while I'm thinking about sex constantly) for 1-3 weeks to have sex that last less then 10 minutes. It can be very frustrating and unsatisfying. 

For me my basic standard of satisfying sex would simply be to have sex several times a week spending some times on foreplay before hand and not just be wham bam thank you ma'am. Also of course continuing mutual orgasms. And once every couple of weeks to have a longer sex session where we actually spend an hour (or more) kissing, touching, sucking, licking, and having sex more then once. 

Ultimately my idea of being 100% satisfied would be where I would know that I could have sex like above whenever I wanted it, that it wasn't a big deal or a negative thing 90% of the time.


----------



## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Star said:


> Mike, if you have not tried a 69 with your wife yet, i would maybe suggest trying to get her to "queen" you first then if she is confident/comfortable doing that, I'm pretty sure a 69 will follow.


do you have diagrams or pictures ? I suppose an explanation will suffice, I'm not familiar with that term "queen" but I'm willing to bet I'll enjoy it!


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

69 is the most beautiful oral sex!

I haven't done that with my husband but I would love it to happen soon!

Here is my plan, step by step:

Now I'm giving him some spoil everyday after he reaches home from work.

I wash him in the shower like a baby and I give him blow job with hot water in my mouth. (I don't ask him for F) I only want him to relax, enjoy and feel comfortable doing things with me first. At least during the weekdays, he's busy working, so I will take care of my own sexual needs.

During the weekends,  I plan to play some naughty games to turn him on. 

I told him my target is to see him relax, enjoy and reach his maximun satisfaction.

In hopes, I will make him feel more confident and comfortable when it's time to get naked.

When the timing is right, I can do the queening. I would love to do that


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

mike1 said:


> Sometimes I feel like I'm in an alternate universe when I read some of these posts, like I'm being punk'ed... Like life played some crazy cruel joke on me that there are women out there that actually want sex more then their husbands.
> 
> Well I could have written this post too  Just recently, finally my wife started letting me go down on her and she realized how enjoyable me performing oral on her can be . We haven't gone there yet but I'm really really really hoping we'll be able to add on 69 soon too!
> 
> ...


A perfect oral sex for women contains 3 excitements.

Licking on the clit.
Fingering the vagina.
Fingering the ass.

Do it very gently & slowly. 

She should be told to relax & enjoy first.

Fingering in the vagina + the ass:

You can also use a small vib instead of your finger.

What I'm trying to tell you is your wife still has lots of thing to experience to understand her true sexual needs.

The more she explores. The more desires she would have.

Sometimes, you also need to ignore her a bit. You need to go away from her a bit. 

So she will miss you and miss all the sweet service you provide.

My husband has a lot to learn as well.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Still remember once about 10 years ago with my first gf where I lifted her up with her legs wrapped around my face and her hands supporting herself on the ceiling, she went so wild she couldn't balance herself and she ended up squeezing my head with her legs so hard then and threw herself back and forth trying to keep the balance lol

It was a nasty fall - we never tried that again!


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Still remember once about 10 years ago with my first gf where I lifted her up with her legs wrapped around my face and her hands supporting herself on the ceiling, she went so wild she couldn't balance herself and she ended up squeezing my head with her legs so hard then and threw herself back and forth trying to keep the balance lol
> 
> It was a nasty fall - we never tried that again!


LOL:rofl:


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

mike1 said:


> Sometimes I feel like I'm in an alternate universe when I read some of these posts, like I'm being punk'ed... Like life played some crazy cruel joke on me that there are women out there that actually want sex more then their husbands. QUOTE]
> 
> I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel like, are these women kidding? Why couldn't my wife had had such a burning desire for sex?


----------

