# Husband and brother PLEASE READ



## kittycat (Dec 4, 2011)

Hi Everyone, 

I am asking for you to read this and add your comments. I am new to this site and want to tell my story about my husband and brother.

I have been with my husband for 10 years, we have been through ups and downs but love each other very much and work through our issues. My brother is a few years older than us, he is 41 and divorced and remarried, He remarried a women that was a crack addict, he was also a drug addict. They both have been sober for about 4 or 5 years now, they are also born again christians and spread the word of God to everyone and anyone they meet. 

Well my brother moved about 90 minutes away from my parents. My parents always did so much for my brother. I cant even begin to tell you how much he is loved. Well, over the summer there was some words exchanged on Facebook between myself, my husband and my brother and his wife. We invite them to everything and they never come to any family events, they dont call much either, I feel my brother distanced himself and I feel he is also brainwashed. I am very happy he is sober and living the way he does but he has NO FAMILY contact to my parents. He calls ONCE IN A BLUE. My father even GAVE him a truck to have a reliable vehicle to visit but he does not. My parents are about to lose their house to bankrupcy and florclosure, my brother doesnt care. Its been going on for years like this but finally came to a head this summer. Well a few days ago my Mom asked my brother if he can come to Christmas Eve at my parents house for maybe what could be one last time at this house since they are losing the house, My brother said NO WAY not with kittycats (ME) husband being there. My mom thought she would try but NOPE. So the last two days were nothing but text fighting. My brother was texting with my husband both were texting nasty mean stuff too, my brother was also copying the texts from my husband sending them to MY MOM. How immature is this? I feel maybe my brother wants my parents to hate my husband. My brother feels that my husband is trying to take his place, my husands does so much for my parents. He does what he can because there is no one else to do it and my father has had open heart surgery and a total shoulder replaced in the past 5 years and is 65 years old and forced to retire after working 45 years at the same job, so YES my husband helps my husband loved my family as he didnt come from a good home like I did. I was raised in a VERY EMOTIONAL Italian family. So anyway it has come down to this, all these years my brother and husband never really got along and now its ALL OUT in the open. My brother acts like HE IS PERFECT and I am going to hell because I dont spread the word like he does. I love God, I believe in God and I am not going to Hell like he thinks I am, I have one glass of wine and he thinks I am a alchoholic. WHy does he act like he is so perfect. Keep in mind, my brother and I were VERY close growing up, but since I have been with my husband we are not close. He feels my husband is fake and he can see right through him, my husband is a caring person. NOT PERFECT, no, but he as so much more good in him than bad. What is wrong with my brother?????? My husband and I helped him when his wife was running the streets years ago, our marriage almost ended back then because I helped him so much. NOW he is perfect and we are not??? Comments please, I want to hear what people on the outside think of this, feel free to ask questions too.


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## kittycat (Dec 4, 2011)

and why must he run to my parents and call them talking about my husband??? WHY did he do this? Is that just evil???


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

What kind of things was your brother saying to your parents? One thing about that hard of an addiction is that if that often times when the addict wants sobriety, they have to go to extreme measures to stay sober. That can mean removing yourself from people that may remind you of your using days. And with both your brother and his wife being former addicts, their moving and limited contact do not surprise me. I'm a recovering alcoholic and one of my triggers is my mom, her house, etc. My H is a recovering crack addict, one of his triggers is Texas. Just a thought, really not sure if this is what your brother is doing. Good luck to your family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittycat (Dec 4, 2011)

Hi Cherryy - Wow you could be right. We had a sold growing up but we did have the old Italian guilt trips too. My parents love my brother so much. They always have. 

My brother was calling my mom and telling her everything that my husband was texting him and even sending the texts to my moms phone - I feel he should have kept my mom out of it. It hurt her ya know. I do know my brother also feels my mom is very judgemental and trys to throw the guilt trips on him when he doesnt visit or life in general. But why push people away? WHy not WORK things out with the ones that love you. I cant understand but I dont have to because I am not in recovery. I understand that part of it. I learned to talk to my mom and she is my best friend yet my brother pushes her away, it could be how he deals with his sobriety. You could be right. I really appreciate you commenting on this. I need to hear from everyone!!!


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittycat (Dec 4, 2011)

ryansdad - your repy came up blank, please repost! Thanks!


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

You are all fueling it.
Just drop the subject.
If Mom brings it up.....tell her you're sorry it was a mess and you won't put any more emotion into it and accept the way it is. That you love your bro but can't deal with this whole stew.
Have dh drop it too. It takes two to text back and forth. Dh can just no longer respond or maybe block bro for now.
If Mom is upset about the texts your dh sent to bro and bro forwarded, just tell Mom it got out of hand, the texts are a bit out of context and you and dh are no longer going to feed the conflict. You want peace.

Then. Keep peace.

Every time bro is in contact with you and tries to goad you or dh, do not respond to it. Ignore negative and only respond to positive if it EVER happens.

You can not teach bro or Mom anything or protect them from each other even if it is effecting you and dh. You can only learn to ride the waves.


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

Generally speaking, addicts r addicts, and if its not alcohol or narcotics, then most times they'll substitute an addiction to religion or the 12 steps.which IMO is just a cult.I would agree that religion and the 12 steps r healthier than crack,however I have found most overzealous religous people tend 2 be very judgemental and tend to think and act like they r better than non-religous people, including friends and family members. It also appears 2 me that ur brother is jealous of ur husband, feeling he is being replaced by him. Ur brother should appreciate all ur family has done 4 him, but until he grows up and acts like a real man, not sure he will ever do that. Best of luck with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittycat (Dec 4, 2011)

Ryansdad - Thank you, I have been thinking that way also for a long time about my brother, I think you hit the nail on the head for sure. I will just keep my peace thats all, mind my business. It just stinks thats all. My brother is in a world I know nothing about, and its scary the stuff he says to me. One time he said DONT YOU WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN? I was like, Um, yea and I will go to heaven. I dont understand his way of thinking of his lifestyle but it sounds so scary to me!


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