# my h likes to hurt me during......why?



## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

So when me and fiancé make love or have sex it turns him on knowing he hurts me example: I tell him your too much in its hurting he starts putting it more in and doing it harder.... I asked him why he does that he says it makes him feel like a man do all men feel this way or is it just him it does feel good sometimes but he likes to know that he is hurting me!
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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Most men want to feel like they have a big penis. We're raised that having a big one makes us more manly. It makes him feel good that his is so big that it hurts you.
On the other hand, he shouldn't feel good about hurting someone he loves. I would hit bottom with my wife. She would push me back and tell me it was hurting. We'd change positions, or I'd pull back some. I'm not that big, but neither was she. It's good to sink it. Feels good to us, but the main thing is to put your partner's feelings ahead of that.
He needs to back off. One thing you can try is to slip your fingers around him while he's in. That will provide a little more space, and I gurantee it will turn him on. Might even do something for you to feel the point where your two bodies meet.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

No all men do not want that. 

Its dangerous when a man wants to feel like a "man". I've read that in a few stories here. 

Talk to him and find something else to turn him on during sex or say that hurting you isn't ok if you aren't ok with it. If you stop having sex with him until it changes, it usually changes fast. Or if it bugs you enough and he does it, get up and walk out of the room if he doesn't stop.

If its just fun and you don't care or its not that big of a deal, then don't worry about it too much i don't think.


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## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

Its not a big deal to me I was just wondering why liked feeling that way if I tell him to pull back he does and its not everytime we do it. I think he likes to feel like a man during because when we argue I can say some really mean untrue things I alwys apologize after were done arguing and explain I only said it to make him mad but maybe he still feels some part is true but its most defenitly not.
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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

inlovetfa said:


> So when me and fiancé make love or have sex it turns him on knowing he hurts me example: I tell him your too much in its hurting he starts putting it more in and doing it harder.... I asked him why he does that he says it makes him feel like a man do all men feel this way or is it just him it does feel good sometimes but he likes to know that he is hurting me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My husband would be horrified if he hurt me.


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## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

It hurts but not unbearable I think he might be hitting something idk
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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Mom6547 said:


> My husband would be horrified if he hurt me.


Same here.


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## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

Its when we have like rough play sex. I'm not being rude or anything but I would hate if my hubby thought I was that delicate I don't think we would have any fun if he was worried all the time if I'm gonna hurt I like for my man to be a man I wonder how or if he even enjoyed sex idk that's just me.
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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Your fiance enjoys hurting you. You say it is no big deal but you registered here and posted what you did. It does concern you and it should!!!!!!
Look at what you wrote: "It hurts but is not unbearable". Being subjected to pain inflicted on you by the man you love is something that you measure as it's okay because it is not too much to bear. 
Rough sex doesn't hurt, it is pleasurable for both. It isn't about one person acting out their hostility towards their partner for the sheer purpose of hurting them. 
This isn't about a man being a man, this is about a "man" being a Sadist. He takes pleasure in hurting you. Do you really want to marry this urchin?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Mom6547 said:


> My husband would be horrified if he hurt me.


Same here.


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## jc32 (Jan 25, 2010)

Hurting you to make himself feel good? That's messed up. I mean, if you were both into s&m or something that would be different. Once in awhile I'll go a little too deep, and as soon as my wife says it hurts, I pull back a little, maybe change positions (it usually happens with doggy). The last thing on my mind is doing it even harder! So not all guys are like that. What makes me feel like a man is pleasing my woman. When we do have rougher sex, it's all passion, not pain. :soapbox:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

inlovetfa said:


> Its when we have like rough play sex. I'm not being rude or anything but I would hate if my hubby thought I was that delicate I don't think we would have any fun if he was worried all the time if I'm gonna hurt I like for my man to be a man I wonder how or if he even enjoyed sex idk that's just me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok so you're a submissive. Not all submissives get physical pleasure from pain. Often it's an emotional rush instead. You might want to get in front of this by openly experimenting with some light bondage, domination and power games. Just make sure you both understand what a safe word is what yours is. And stay away from anything overtly harmful like choking or clamps. I take it your husband is physically much larger and stronger than you. Make sure he doesn't actually harm you. 

Just an idea. Everyone's different.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Ok so you're a submissive. Not all submissives get physical pleasure from pain. Often it's an emotional rush instead. You might want to get in front of this by openly experimenting with some light bondage, domination and power games. Just make sure you both understand what a safe word is what yours is. And stay away from anything overtly harmful like choking or clamps. I take it your husband is physically much larger and stronger than you. Make sure he doesn't actually harm you.
> 
> Just an idea. Everyone's different.


She isn't a sub, she is being abused and hurt. A true dom/sub relationship is one of mutual respect and caring. A dom understands this and would never want to hurt his/her partner, ever. Role playing is role playing. Hurting your partner intentionally for the sake of hurting them, gone.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

***First off, Gentlemen, I apologize, this might not be a post you want to read in too much depth***

I don't think anyone is saying that you're a delicate flower and you'll never have fun, balls out sex if you object to deliberate pain. It's not so much that sex hurts sometimes-- of course it does. Things get bumped or poked or an angle is weird. But in a normal, loving relationship, you mention it and the other person adjusts. For example, I'm sure you've had 'the slip' when you're on top where he falls out and gets 'squished' between the two of you? If that happens, do you back off and readjust or do you sit down harder while he's bent up between you, just so he knows you're really a woman? Of course you do the first one, why would you deliberately bend him around like a straw, right?  That's not nice, that's not loving and neither is his behavior just because he's the man.
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## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

I guess I shouldn't of put it in those words what I meant was I tell him it hurts and when I say he does it harder is because I say itas I like it
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## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

My phone is messing up but he doesn't enjoy as in he intentionally does it when I tell him it hurts I say it in a way that sounds like I'm enjoying it so I guess like role playing I guess what I should of asked is why men like to feel that they are big my husband is a very nice the sweetest man sorry for any confusion and yes sometimes it hurts but a little and when or if I am in pain in real pain he stops he always attends my needs first he does not like knowing I'm in pain all I meant was why men have these egos I'm not that great in explaining I didn't even proof read but I do see how some see it as him enjoying me in pain its nothing like that I should have explained better I do apologize for that
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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

If you both enjoy it then it isn't a problem. If you tell him he's hurting you as if you like it, then he turns it up to give you more pleasure, thinking you are liking it.

Male egos= he wants to know he's the best that you ever had.

Nice sweet out of the bedroom doesn't mean the same when the bedroom door is shut.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> I think he likes to feel like a man during because when we argue I can say some really mean untrue things I alwys apologize after were done arguing and explain I only said it to make him mad but maybe he still feels some part is true but its most defenitly not.


 This needs to change. He probably has some big part in this too. This is going to or has already done a ton of harm. Fix this now. Please


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Is 'big' a metaphor here or is he physically too large for you?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Is 'big' a metaphor here or is he physically too large for you?


I was wondering the same thing. As a small woman I'm grateful I married an average sized man. I've been with a big man and yes it hurt.


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## heartseal (Apr 28, 2011)

First post, so here goes. I'm curious about the hurting still. What specifically hurts? Is he pulling your hair, twisting your arm, or anything else, besides just going too deep? or is it his girth? The girth issue is moot to my thinking, as you should be elastic enough to stretch with IC. After all, your girl gear is made to stretch up to and even more than 10 cm for babies.

Or is he just a sadistic joker? I sense you're a back-peddling after several replies, kinda like you are trying to change everyones' mind that he's a great guy and cover for him.

If you're being abused during sex, that's wrong in everyones book. Pain can really trash your desire and if he's hurting you he's really hurting himself in the long run. You may actually get to the point where you avoid sex and that'll kill a relationship quickly. On the other hand, you may get "hooked" on the pain and not really enjoy sex without associating pain with the act. 

I had a GF in college that couldn't get off unless she was spanked hard and had her hair pulled. Wierded me out the first time she asked for it. Even though I consider myself very open to anything hetero and involving 2 of us, I never knew there were girls like that until her. She waited til about our fourth time together to spring it on me. I almost locked up, first mentally, and then seizing up laughing. When I realized she was serious, I had to take a step back and regroup. I did what she asked, but it distracted me so much I couldn't finish mine. We stayed together for another month and had several nights more fun, but she never could finish without the rough stuff.

I eventually begged off to date more vanilla women. Alas, I was young/inexperienced and couldn't wrap my skull around her unique need. I hope she found someone that could whack her into fireworks, but I know that I couldn't go on with her.

So back to you. I'm most concerned that you may be being abused. You became almost appologetic about him in the thread. That screams victim to me. Done to, not done for.

Give us more to work with. This is an anonymous forum, unless he's reading over your shoulder, you can tell us more. 

Just want to make sure you're safe.


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## leedrummer100 (Aug 20, 2011)

i get very turned on by hurting my gf, not pulling hair or slaping her. but knowing we are having sex and she is getting no pleasure from it and is doing it just for me no matter how much it hurts her. i dont all ways do it and 99% of the time we both have pleasure and cum. i think this is y i love making her do anal.

ho well takes all sorts


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## EvanderS (Jul 1, 2011)

Pain can be used to push past limits into a place or surrender.

He also might simply enjoy deep penetration and your sizes may not match... he might be big and you might be small.

It might be that you could do some exercises to relax your genitals to it's fullest (and most natural) state. 

Some women carry tension, stress, and traumas in their genitals.

It's hard to say.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You tell him it hurts and he, instead, makes it more hurtful. Have you told him to stop that? Could be as simple as this.

Or, if he doesnt care then there is something else going on within him. And it is a signal of problems ahead.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

leedrummer100 said:


> i get very turned on by hurting my gf, not pulling hair or slaping her. but knowing we are having sex and she is getting no pleasure from it and is doing it just for me no matter how much it hurts her. i dont all ways do it and 99% of the time we both have pleasure and cum. i think this is y i love making her do anal.
> 
> ho well takes all sorts


sorta reminds me of "war is peace"


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

silly me. this thread is 4 months old.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> Same here.


I would feel the same way if I hurt mine. 

Hurting a woman doesn't make you feel like a man unless you have serious issues!


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## Manxkitti (Dec 5, 2011)

I'm not a small woman, (5'7") and sex is painful even for me. Only my problem is I have a hard time speaking up about it.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

With my HUsband(currently seperated) when we were having sex(long time ago now) if he was hurting me I was afraid to tell hijm becuase he would stop. I didn't want him to stop so I always just beared it. 

I don't think its normal that he seems to like to hurt you


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## Manxkitti (Dec 5, 2011)

My problem is I think he'll hurt me more if I speak up. A lot of men think I'm a ***** because I tend to be stand offish when they start getting close. It's something I'm trying to work out.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You NEED to break off the engagement and leave! No man should ever intentionally HURT you in any way, shape or form! It's physical abuse and he WILL get worse and hurt you more as time goes on. Do not marry this guy!!!!!!
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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

inlovetfa said:


> So when me and fiancé make love or have sex it turns him on knowing he hurts me example: I tell him your too much in its hurting he starts putting it more in and doing it harder.... I asked him why he does that he says it makes him feel like a man do all men feel this way or is it just him it does feel good sometimes but he likes to know that he is hurting me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's abuse.

Not all men do this. When I tell my H that it hurts or it's too much, he smiles, but backs off. Holy crap. Your fiance doesn't respect you or your vagina.


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