# Need advice



## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Ok ladies I need advice. I had been asking my husband to take a Viagra. Only wanted to try one time. Then stupidly decided to give him every mans dream of a three some. Then decided what better night to try pill than at threesome. Well it got started the other girl asked me to leave room and I left. Figured if my husband wasn't going to stop me from leaving when she told me to then why not go. But how could he say anything when he's eating her out. Something he has never done to me. I stand in kitchen door and watch thru the finish of sex. So this hurts me. When me and husband have sex he lasts no more than 5 minutes. So i feel like now to make it right he should take a pill and see what happens with me. He refuses. I feel like it would help me get pass some of the pain. We have only had sex once since that night. But it really bothers me he won't try a pill with me. Am I wrong. He seems to not realize the pain from him letting her put me out. He says he never heard it and thought I just left on my own. I am fixing to end my marriage solely over him not wanting to take a pill with me. Can someone please give me advice. 

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Ending the marriage sounds like an excellent idea.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Sounds like an excellent idea but I was more looking on advice on how I can move past this or do I even have reason to be upset. We can't just leave every person/problem we cross in our lives. Quitting seems easiest but that doesn't make it best

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think in this case it would, though. Just my opinion.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Why do you say that. Marriages have survived actual affairs that lasted years. What are you seeing that I don't

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I am not a lady, but want to help. Did you ask him WHY he won't take the pill? I read a few posts in which the husband reported side effects - head aches etc. Viagra is not for everyone and your H may have had some bad side effects.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Well I guess I really haven't asked it like that. He just says he doesn't like it. Asked if who couldn't find other alternatives to make him last longer with me but haven't much explored it because I can't get past this

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Personally, I would have left as soon as he asked for a threesome. (Not every man wants that, btw.) And the whole taking a pill for the threesome but not doing it for you. Sounds like he takes you for granted. Is that really what you want?

And on the viagra--if he cannot get it up or stay erect, he is probably not eating right. Those problems are just the canary in the coal mine. He will likely have problems with his heart down the road.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...on/in-depth/erectile-dysfunction/art-20045141


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

He never asked for the three some. I suggested that. 

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> He never asked for the three some. I suggested that.
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


Why?


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## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

Typical situation with threesomes. It never works out as planned and someone generally ends up the third wheel. I am sure there are exceptions but bar none, everyone I have ever known who has experimented with group scenarios has gone through this.

Sounds like you and your H have bigger issues and that your M may be on a shaky foundation. Sounds like bringing a third party into your bed was done for him, not for you. Seems like maybe he wanted fresh meat with your permission. For now. Sounds like soon enough he will not care what you think as from what you say this is a very one sided marriage.

You may need to end it but this pill situation is a symptom, not the cause, if any spouse does not want to please the other sexually the writing is on the wall.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Why? I honestly can't answer that. Guess I thought it would be interesting to explore. Stupudity

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

He did not refuse it, either. Not helpful.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jld said:


> And on the viagra--if he cannot get it up or stay erect, he is probably not eating right. Those problems are just the canary in the coal mine. He will likely have problems with his heart down the road.
> 
> Erectile dysfunction: A sign of heart disease? - Mayo Clinic


For many the problem is psychological, not physical. 

Mylife, is his problem getting an erection or just maintaining it? By last longer, do you mean keeping the erection or is the problem PE?

What is his age? And yours?

And who was the third woman? How you know her may factor into this


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> For many the problem is psychological, not physical.
> 
> Mylife, is his problem getting an erection or just maintaining it? By last longer, do you mean keeping the erection or is the problem PE?
> 
> ...


Erectile dysfunction usually has physical cause - SFGate

_Myth: Erectile dysfunction is mostly psychological.

Fact: Although the mind can play a role in men's erectile dysfunction, it's usually a function of another health condition in the body, according to Stanford urologist Dr. Michael Eisenberg, director of Stanford's male reproductive medicine and surgery.

*Eisenberg says that 85-90 percent of erectile dysfunction can be linked to common conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, smoking or obesity.* Medications, such as those to treat blood pressure or psychiatric conditions like depression, can cause erectile dysfunction. It is also a common side effect for men receiving prostate cancer treatments.

*Erectile dysfunction symptoms can also be an early warning sign of other medical troubles ahead.

"It can precede cardiovascular disease by three to four years," Eisenberg said. "I think most men probably do not realize that."*_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jld said:


> Erectile dysfunction usually has physical cause - SFGate
> 
> _Myth: Erectile dysfunction is mostly psychological.
> 
> ...


Great and I hope that is the case for OP's H. A physical cause MIGHT be easier to resolve than a mental cause. In my case, I am in excellent shape, thoroughly medically tested. Not physical. And I am unwilling to test it out by a threesome. 

I did however ask for ages, and next step would have been to ask about weight, Low T etc.

Mylife, how is your husband's health and has he seen a doctor lately. It is a standard question asked when a poster mentions problems with erections.

ETA: There is much more to this story that OP needs to tell, especially the WHY behind the threesome offer.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

jld said:


> Erectile dysfunction usually has physical cause - SFGate
> 
> _Myth: Erectile dysfunction is mostly psychological.
> 
> ...


Our problem is he orgasms too fast. I am 40 and he is 37. The other girl was a girl who well after the fact we figured out was just using us. She lives in US(we live in Mexico. I am American and he is Mexican) and was here to visit her family. She's been here several times but this is first she time she actually really associated with us

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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

From all you can see by human eye seems to be in good health

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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

As for why I suggested a three some. Thought the exploration would be fun. Thought maybe it would help somehow

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> Our problem is he orgasms too fast. I am 40 and he is 37. The other girl was a girl who well after the fact we figured out was just using us. She lives in US(we live in Mexico. I am American and he is Mexican) and was here to visit her family. She's been here several times but this is first she time she actually really associated with us
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


How was she using you?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> From all you can see by human eye seems to be in good health
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


A blood test would be helpful. Check his cholesterol level. Under 150 would be ideal.

https://www.pritikin.com/your-healt.../783-what-do-my-cholesterol-numbers-mean.html


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Came to find out she needed place to stay her few days here because her own family wouldn't let her stay with them. She had no money. I had cigarettes.

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> Came to find out she needed place to stay her few days here because her own family wouldn't let her stay with them. She had no money. I had cigarettes.
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


So you said she could stay with you and you would give her cigarettes if she had a threesome with you and your husband?


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

No she stayed with us a few days before I brought up three some. I was just giving her cigarettes because I know what its like to not have any. I was preoccupied with taking care of two sick dogs and never stopped to think and put it all together

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I still do not get how she was using you.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Sounds stupid I know. It was second week of taking care of various sick dogs one of which lost the fight I was worn down and tired and by no means in my right mind

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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

She needed cigarettes and a place to stay. I being preoccupied gave it all without thinking

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You were stressed. People sometimes make bad decisions when they are stressed.

If you could do it over, what would you do differently?


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

First I would stick to my rule about not letting anybody sleep at my house. Second I wouldn't have suggested a stupid three some. I would have kept my guard up. I would have asked her family why she couldn't stay with them. But me and my husband pretty much don't invite people in house. Maybe thru back entrance to patio but rarely. I was so tired and stressed I was completely out of character

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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

And what confuses me as now I see she never meant for it to be a three some. My husband says he looked for me and I wasn't there and he didn't know why. I can partly understand him being caught in moment and kinda not. And its not that I got put out or that they did it. Its that he won't try the pill with me just once. I don't know how to get around that. Because to me if how I feel is important he would do it to make me happy

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> And what confuses me as now I see she never meant for it to be a three some. My husband says he looked for me and I wasn't there and he didn't know why. I can partly understand him being caught in moment and kinda not. And its not that I got put out or that they did it. Its that he won't try the pill with me just once. I don't know how to get around that.* Because to me if how I feel is important he would do it to make me happy*
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


Have you told him the bolded? What was his response?


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

The bolded. Don't understand

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> The bolded. Don't understand
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


Have you told him that his not using the pill makes you feel like you are not important to him? That it makes you feel he does not care about your happiness?


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Yes and he asked if we couldn't explore another way besides the pill because he doesn't like taking them. But I have moved to sleeping in kitchen so nothing happening anyway. I just don't know if I am wrongfully putting this strain on us or if I should move back to bed and see if something naturally can aid us. Should I just let the pill thing go. Am I being completely outrageous or do I have reason

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> Yes and he asked if we couldn't explore another way besides the pill because he doesn't like taking them. But I have moved to sleeping in kitchen so nothing happening anyway. I just don't know if I am wrongfully putting this strain on us or if I should move back to bed and see if something naturally can aid us. Should I just let the pill thing go. Am I being completely outrageous or do I have reason
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


The pills are pretty expensive, no? Maybe your husband has other reasons for not wanting to use them, too?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jld said:


> The pills are pretty expensive, no? Maybe your husband has other reasons for not wanting to use them, too?


The pills should be much cheaper in Mexico


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

1 pill here costs like 100. They are expensive. He is just not a big fan on taking any pill for anything. 

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

What is his diet like?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

mylife2469 said:


> Our problem is he orgasms too fast.


I might be wrong, but Viagra does not solve the PE problem, just the erection.

I will leave this thread if you don't want a guy's opinion, especially one who has "been there". Let me know if you want me gone.

Otherwise, PE can be solved using desensitizing creams or sprays, at low cost.

But a good med option is Zoloft, active ingredient is sertaline HCl. It WILL delay orgasm often for a long time. I have seen that. I take it for anxiety. My doctor told me when he prescribed it that it can have that effect and that often doctor's will prescribe it for PE. The cost of me is $10 for 90 days, should be same or lower in Mexico. Unlike Viagra, you do not take zoloft just when needed. He has to take it ALL the time, every day. But hw will last longer the time.

Let me say again at least for me it is very effect in delaying orgasm but it might lower his libido and desire to have sex.

On a related note, from my personal experience, the more aroused I am the shorted I last. So the hotter the woman, the shorter time to orgasm. Think about that if he lasted longer with the other woman.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

No I won't ask you to leave. An opinion and advice from a male is good. Helps to get males perspective. As for the Zoloft he won't go for taking anything everyday

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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Normal rice or pasta pinto beans. Vegetables. Meat when we can

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> On a related note, from my personal experience, the more aroused I am the shorted I last. So the hotter the woman, the shorter time to orgasm. Think about that if he lasted longer with the other woman.


Good point, blue.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> Normal rice or pasta pinto beans. Vegetables. Meat when we can
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


That is good. Low flesh/dairy consumption helps keep cholesterol down.

So he can get erect, but not last long? Or is getting erect a problem, too?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

mylife2469 said:


> 1 pill here costs like 100.


That is still much cheaper than US, only about 1/5 the cost.

Young lady, IMO Viagra is not going to solve the orgasm too quickly problem. It was not designed for that. It was designed to expand the blood vessels to allow for more flow and harder erections. No where in any medical book you will see reference to use Viagra for PE. 

I am studying this for personal use right now because I do not want to go from one extreme to the other once I stop the zoloft, which I have done.

Some suggested supplement options I am referencing from "The Supplement Handbook" by Mark Moyad MD are St. John's wort, 300-450 mg daily, or 5-HTP 50-300 mg daily. Both work to affect the serotonin levels, which is exactly what Zoloft does. The author also mentions L-citrulline, an amino acid, 1500 mg a day (two capsules).

IMO Zoloft will be be lowest cost option and is clinically proven to delay orgasm. For that side effect many guys STOP taking it because they cannot orgasm. Start with the lowest dosage that works.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

mylife2469 said:


> Should I just let the pill thing go.


Absolutely yes. 

I think your pride is hurt because he took the pill for the threesome but not for you. I understand that.

But the pill will NOT solve his quick to orgasm problem, IMO.

Get out of the kitchen and back to the bedroom. Read my posts for suggested help for the PE.

IMO neither diet, not exercise will help PE. Let me quote the book: "PE is not age-related and the drugs that work for ED _(erectile dysfunction for which Viagra is used)_ generally don't work for ED."


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

So she agreed to a threesome & then told you to leave the room?
Since this was your suggestion, why didn't you put down some ground rules? 
Or was it all just an impulse decision? 



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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Absolutely yes.
> 
> I think your pride is hurt because he took the pill for the threesome but not for you. I understand that.
> 
> ...


A good diet will still help him overall, though. 

But I agree, if it is just PE, he will either have to have sex more often so the arousal is not as intense, or learn to last somehow.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

So what's the best way to advance from here aside from a daily pill. Techniques or such

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> So what's the best way to advance from here aside from a daily pill. Techniques or such
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


Could you have sex more often? Like that he would not be starved for it, and climax so quickly?


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Mrsaldi you will see that it was pretty much impulse and after 2 weeks caring for sick dogs around the clock I was pretty much somewhere other than my mind

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jld said:


> A good diet will still help him overall, though.
> 
> But I agree, if it is just PE, he will either have to have sex more often so the arousal is not as intense, or learn to last somehow.


Agree. For starters, he has to care enough to fix the problem. Since he gets off, he might not see the problem, depending on how long he lasts. 

There are some creams that can be used that can delay orgasm by desensitizing his part, but that might decrease his pleasure and therefore he might not be open to that.

This is not just a physical problem but a relationship problem that needs to be solved together with BOTH partners having to compromise or work on it together. If one partner is unwilling, resentment will be high.


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

I guess we could try sex more often. The past month has been a blur of all kinds of stress and emotions. And still everyday making a trip that is an hour long and includes two buses and 1 taxi that's only one way. So much stress past month

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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

mylife2469 said:


> Mrsaldi you will see that it was pretty much impulse and after 2 weeks caring for sick dogs around the clock I was pretty much somewhere other than my mind
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


OK. I can sympathise with seeing your husband giving another woman oral & never giving you any. 
Have you guys ever had a discussion about your sex life? 
What you want, what he wants? 



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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Not an actual conversation

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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

mylife2469 said:


> Not an actual conversation
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


Having a conversation about sex can be embarrassing, believe me I've been down that road! But it's necessary. 
If you want your husband to give you more time on you needs (oral on you) you have to ask him first. 
What is your ideal sex life with your husband? 



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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Oh its not so much necessarily that I even like oral. Just curious to why he has never done it with me

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mylife2469 said:


> Oh its not so much necessarily that I even like oral. Just curious to why he has never done it with me
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


Did the other girl ask him for it?


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

I don't even remember

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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

mylife2469 said:


> I don't even remember
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


So where is the other woman now? Gone? 

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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

Yes neither one of us has had contact with her since a few days after it all went down even though she was still here a little over a week. She has went back to USA

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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

mylife2469 said:


> Yes neither one of us has had contact with her since a few days after it all went down even though she was still here a little over a week. She has went back to USA
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk


I don't think adding more Viagra will do any good. 
It will only serve as a reminder to the event. 
You need to start a thread in the 'Sex in Marriage' section of this forum or have this one moved there. 


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## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

I walking. I bet I have walked five miles today. No I want to get it done and not mess up another day

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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

mylife2469 said:


> Ok ladies I need advice. I had been asking my husband to take a Viagra. Only wanted to try one time. Then stupidly decided to give him every mans dream of a three some. Then decided what better night to try pill than at threesome. Well it got started the other girl asked me to leave room and I left. Figured if my husband wasn't going to stop me from leaving when she told me to then why not go. But how could he say anything when he's eating her out. Something he has never done to me. I stand in kitchen door and watch thru the finish of sex. So this hurts me. When me and husband have sex he lasts no more than 5 minutes. So i feel like now to make it right he should take a pill and see what happens with me. He refuses. I feel like it would help me get pass some of the pain. We have only had sex once since that night. But it really bothers me he won't try a pill with me. Am I wrong. He seems to not realize the pain from him letting her put me out. He says he never heard it and thought I just left on my own. I am fixing to end my marriage solely over him not wanting to take a pill with me. Can someone please give me advice.
> 
> Sent from my Polaroid PSPT350 using Tapatalk



A threesome is just that, sex between three people. Why did you allow the other woman to tell you to leave? 

You suggested the threesome, you allowed the other woman to tell you to leave, how can you be upset? 

Furthermore, your H refuses to take a pill and have sex with you. How did you come to decide that suggesting a threesome would make it better?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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