# How much do you enjoy receiving oral?



## dutch (Oct 11, 2010)

One thing I always enjoyed was a good bj. For decades my wife would take care of my needs,then it all ended. She no longer wanted to do it. End of Story.
While sitting around with our friend, who is gay male, my wife said how she won't do it anymore. We have always had an open relationship with our friend and have shared our feelings and confided with each other about things personal and sexual.
When my wife said how she much she hates it, he said how much he missed it and enjoyed doing it. I chimed in and said how much I missed it too. He jokingly said that he would be happy to help out. My wife had complained about doing it to me and told him that my penis was too big for her and I came too much. He told her that he felt just the opposite.
That was when my wife suggested that he and I should really do it. It wasn't a joking suggestion anymore. 
Being in that position, what would you do?


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

If I were bi or bi-curious I may go for it. But I am monogamous and while I think women are beautiful (I'm a woman not a guy so I can't relate to your situation there) I don't find a vagina appealing. Breasts and lips yes, I have kissed women, it was ok but didn't excite me like a man does. 

I have always been obsessed with giving BJ's but at this point in my life I only want to give them to one person and I only want to get that kind of attention from one person. THAT is part of the excitement for me.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

It is very simple....if you are straigh, you won't do it since you cannot get hard....if you get hard is because you are bisexual....but this is besides the point.....you need to find out why your wife doesnt want to do it anymore...what changed?....you need to go back to the time she felt like she wanted to do it.....you need to fix this....or sooner than later you will start having less and less....that's not being in loved and happy...that is a crapy marriage.....you need to do something to change this trend....


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> It is very simple....if you are straigh, you won't do it since you cannot get hard....if you get hard is because you are bisexual....but this is besides the point.....you need to find out why your wife doesnt want to do it anymore...what changed?....you need to go back to the time she felt like she wanted to do it.....you need to fix this....or sooner than later you will start having less and less....that's not being in loved and happy...that is a crapy marriage.....you need to do something to change this trend....


I agree with this.... but not precisely the spin I would give it. I am inferring some stuff here. Not sure other people are inferring the same thing. But I will roll with it just in case you see it the same way.

I think the wrong way of going about fixing the oral is to go straight at the oral. I'd bet my last dollar that if you were to make a direct issue of wanting oral sex, you would get defensiveness and push back. 

When I was feeling unloved by my husband back in the bad days, sex was wham bam thank you man as little as I could get away with. After about 10 years since then, as we have developed a closer and closer relationship, DH often says about me that I am the best lover; good, giving and game. (He brings it out in me, really!) Want oral? Sure. When? Want anal? Great. When. Want horses? Well ok, no I am not doing that. But you get the point.


Way before you go at the oral, you could take a good look at the whole marriage and happiness. Have you fallen into a rut? Is she getting what she needs? Most of the time, if you walk up to a spouse and say honey are you happy? They will say mmm hmmm, please pass the salt.

Recommendation, get over to marriagebuilders.com. Are you making frequent deposits in the love bank? Are you doing your best to limit withdrawals? Do you know her love language/ emotional needs? Do you know how to give to them? Do you know how to hear her when she is speaking hers even when it is different than yours?

If you can get that jamming glow back, or get it for the first time if your relationship has always been kinda by default, then you might find the oral comes back on its own. (And it won't take days, btw. Just like a savings account, it takes time to build.) But even if it doesn't come back on its own, you will have developed a closer relationship, trust and love that will make her more interested in pleasing you and meeting your needs.

Wishing you luck.

S


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Just a quick comment that I've wanted to make on some other threads.

When someone suddenly becomes obsessed with their spouse doing something new in bed - best example seems to be anal sex - I don't think they have much right to be upset when their request is refused.

But when someone has done something for years and years and then takes it away - oral sex is a very common example - it totally seems like its sexual blackmail.

I agree with everything "schoolmom" says above. But also it would be nice for your wife to talk honestly about what has changed for her. Seems like she is resentful about something, but instead of addressing the real issue, she's being passive aggressive and "punishing" you instead of communicating. I'm doubting it has little to do with size since that was never an issue before.

And no - I wouldn't let the other guy do me. If you want to swing that way, its your life and I wouldn't judge. But it would likely just amplify the real issues you are having in your marriage.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> Just a quick comment that I've wanted to make on some other threads.
> 
> When someone suddenly becomes obsessed with their spouse doing something new in bed - best example seems to be anal sex - I don't think they have much right to be upset when their request is refused.
> 
> But when someone has done something for years and years and then takes it away - oral sex is a very common example - it totally seems like its sexual blackmail.


This is a really good lead in to stuff I have been trying to get across in a couple of threads. I can totally see how it would feel that way! It looks TO YOU like sexual blackmail. But, since you probably did not marry a jerk, it probably does not look TO HER that way at all. It feels sucky, but I'd bet a buck it would be more effective to figure out her PoV before thinking blackmail.


> I agree with everything "schoolmom" says above. But also it would be nice for your wife to talk honestly about what has changed for her. Seems like she is resentful about something, but instead of addressing the real issue, she's being passive aggressive and "punishing" you instead of communicating.


Too true. Many of us, male and female, will use non-productive techniques like Ms Clam Up, Mr Avoid and Mr And Mrs Passive-aggressive. Unfortunately once you have tried to get that to happen, there isn't a hell of a lot you can do except hope a dynamic change from you will yield reciprocity. 






> I'm doubting it has little to do with size since that was never an issue before.
> 
> And no - I wouldn't let the other guy do me. If you want to swing that way, its your life and I wouldn't judge. But it would likely just amplify the real issues you are having in your marriage.


The question I ask myself is, are there things she has told you that you have not heard? Sometimes my husband has to spack me upside the head with a two-by-four before I hear something he has said repeatedly where it is not his natural inclination to so much as raise his voice. That and the emotional needs business on marriage builders is the only thing I can think of that is constructive.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> ...are there things she has told you that you have not heard?


Very good point. I usually give the benefit of the doubt to people who come here looking for advice - you would hope they would go looking to their spouse first. But that isn't always the case.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I love both giving and receiving oral - only from him. And only because it's him. To me, it's not just a sexual act that any person can fulfill for me. It's an act of intimacy, of each of us trusting each other enough to fully let go and do something that requires a huge amount of trust on both sides. 

So, getting that from someone outside of the two of us would never be something I'd even consider. Not only because to me it'd be cheating, whether it was with or without permission, but also because again...the intimacy. I don't want that intimacy, that connection with anyone but him. 

I also do think that the lack of it, after having done it in the past, indicates another problem. Although I would never consciously think "I'm not going to bl*w him because he forgot our anniversary", I might feel less inclined to actually give him one because my feelings are hurt that he forgot our anniversary. I would get over it, though. It would take a major issue in our relationship for me to stop permanently or indefinitely. And i would hope our communication would be stronger than that and we would talk about and resolve the issue before it got to that point. 

I would say you and your wife need to sit down and start talking. Figure out what went wrong and when, and how you can fix it. I think, once you resolve any other issues you have, the oral issue may fix itself, and if it doesn't, then you can address it more effectively and without other issues muddying the waters.


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