# So, my 16 year old was



## WorkingOnMe

My 16 year old was in his room with his girlfriend for a couple hours. Door open but we weren't checking on them. When they came down he was doing something that put his hands next to my face. And I smelled the distinct scent of, errr, aroused female. Ya, 16 and his fingers.....

My god boy, at least wash your hands. 

So what is the appropriate response?


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## Tigger

First off the rule no girls in bedrooms.

We were never allowed to bring the opposite sex into our bedroom. For good reason. Teens are just interested in sex.

I would give him a good talking to before he becomes a daddy at 16.

You know this already though.


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## kittykatz

Well what kind of smell are we talking about here? If it smelled bad, like a fishy smell, Id be more concerned that she might have an std and could possibly give it to your son. Regardless, I'd still pull him aside and just remind him of how important it is to use condoms, and educate him on all the different types of stds if you haven't already done so.

As far as his hands smelling like lady parts, I probably wouldnt mention anything about it. What are you going to say... "eww your fingers smell like vagina!". Thats just going to be awkward and embarrassing. Id just let it go.

And yea its probably not a good idea to leave them in the bedroom alone together, even if the door is open... because chances are, the first time they have a minute alone together, theyre going to be messing around. Of course you can't control your kids ALL the time... but that doesnt mean you need to make it easy for them to do stuff like this.


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## WorkingOnMe

It smelled fine, like an aroused vagina normally smells. Not fishy. And it's too late about not mentioning it. Cause the first thing I said (right in front of my wife and his girlfriend) was 'bring those hands back here. Is that what I think it is'? Flew over my wife's head but the girlfriend was mortified. All he could say is 'well I'm not going to deny it'.


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## Lon

He's a bold little one. If he's not even gonna deny... then no girls allowed, lol. Oh sh1t, this is me in less than a decade.

And atleast you know it was his fingers not something else.


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## daisygirl 41

I like the responses about not having girls in the bedroom! 
That's not the only place teenagers have sex. If they want it they'll find a way.
Sex is a part of life, a part of growing up. You dealt with it fine, pretty much the way we would have in our house. (I have two boys 18 and 16).
Instead of expecting teenagers not to engage in sexual activity, we all need to be realistic. Talk to him about being respectful and treating girls the right way. If they are having sex make sure he's using condoms and she's on the pill. If this is an age appropriate relationship and they are both willing parties then expecting them not to engage in sexual activity is pretty naive ( not meaning you OP).


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## Wiltshireman

My wife and I have two teenage daughters (16 &17) and we have a "No Boyfriends Upstairs" rule. My daughters are encouraged to bring their boyfriends home and we did allow one to stay the night (on the sofa) when the snow was heavy earlier in the year. We have all ready said that the reverse will apply to our sons as they get older.

As for the levels of intermercy that teenagers will share that is out of our control. If they want to find somewhere private they will whether it be a friends house or the back seat of the cinema / a car parked in lovers lane. All we can do as parents is hope that our children listen to the advice / warnings we give.


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## Mavash.

No girls in the bedroom. I mean sure they will find a way regardless of this rule but don't make it THAT easy on them.


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## dubsey

I'd sit both of them down and have a chat. Maybe bring in the GFs parents too. Just be open about it with the bottom line of, if you're making adult choices & decisions, make sure they're informed and safe.

Let them ask questions. It'll take a while to get past the mortified part, but if you act calm about it, they will be too. There's no such thing as too much correct information you can give them. Better to know they're getting true info, than crap from their peers that may not be true.

I'm not saying you should allow them up in the room with the door locked, but they're going to find a way. Just make sure they're being smart, and to be a little more discreet.


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## Hope1964

dubsey said:


> I'd sit both of them down and have a chat. Maybe bring in the GFs parents too. Just be open about it with the bottom line of, if you're making adult choices & decisions, make sure they're informed and safe.
> 
> Let them ask questions. It'll take a while to get past the mortified part, but if you act calm about it, they will be too. There's no such thing as too much correct information you can give them. Better to know they're getting true info, than crap from their peers that may not be true.
> 
> I'm not saying you should allow them up in the room with the door locked, but they're going to find a way. Just make sure they're being smart, and to be a little more discreet.


I like this approach.


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## TheManinBlack

I like the mortification part, but also make sure he/they have access to information and birth control...


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## BrockLanders

dubsey said:


> I'd sit both of them down and have a chat. Maybe bring in the GFs parents too. Just be open about it with the bottom line of, if you're making adult choices & decisions, make sure they're informed and safe.
> 
> Let them ask questions. It'll take a while to get past the mortified part, but if you act calm about it, they will be too. There's no such thing as too much correct information you can give them. Better to know they're getting true info, than crap from their peers that may not be true.
> 
> I'm not saying you should allow them up in the room with the door locked, but they're going to find a way. Just make sure they're being smart, and to be a little more discreet.


Can you imagine calling the girl's father and telling him that you've just smelled his daughter's vagina on your son's hands? Talk about the most uncomfortable phone call ever.


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## dubsey

BrockLanders said:


> Can you imagine calling the girl's father and telling him that you've just smelled his daughter's vagina on your son's hands? Talk about the most uncomfortable phone call ever.


Heh, well, I'd think it'd be more like "if you haven't had a good sex talk with XXXX, now's a good time. I was going to sit both of them down, would you like to be involved?"


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## WorkingOnMe

BrockLanders said:


> Can you imagine calling the girl's father and telling him that you've just smelled his daughter's vagina on your son's hands? Talk about the most uncomfortable phone call ever.


Haha. Um, no. That won't be happening. I'd be a bit concerned for my son's physical safety after that conversation.


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## Almostrecovered

put a container of these in his bedroom and maybe he'll get the hint


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## turnera

Make it a consequence. You did something you knew better, so you get no girl in your room for 3 months. Then, revisit it at that point and go through all the possible ramifications of getting her pregnant - no college, no good job, no sleep, her family beating him up, YOU beating him up...

And then ask him if you can now trust him to know better.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

WorkingOnMe said:


> My 16 year old was in his room with his girlfriend for a couple hours. Door open but we weren't checking on them. When they came down he was doing something that put his hands next to my face. And I smelled the distinct scent of, errr, aroused female. Ya, 16 and his fingers.....
> 
> My god boy, at least wash your hands.
> 
> So what is the appropriate response?


Well, we have a rule that hands get washed in the a.m. before going into the kitchen, because of what people do with themselves in bed, ya know. So if you institute this rule, he will get the idea that it applies to other times and situations as well. Too funny though.

I would not say anything directly, but maybe within the next few days it can come up as a morning type of topic, with the general discussion of how you'd feel more comfortable if everyone could wash up in the morning prior to coming into common space.

I don't like that you inadvertently but still did give them privacy, and then you invaded the girl's privacy who was a guest in your home. And made her feel mortified. Maybe her family has a different opinion about sexual exploration between teen couples, and since you did let them go in the room and you failed to check on them...it's like you were implicitly giving them privacy. I would feel betrayed and confused. You are going to get a rep as the weird parents who let the kids mess around and then outed them... this will go down in history...no girl is going to want to date your son if this gets out. I would apologize and accept responsibility for giving them privacy without being explicit about the rules. 

Chances are all they did was feel each other up. If you don't want them to do that, you need to sit down and discuss it. But they are going to do it, just not at your house.


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## FryFish

> It smelled fine, like an aroused vagina normally smells. Not fishy. And it's too late about not mentioning it. Cause the first thing I said (right in front of my wife and his girlfriend) was 'bring those hands back here. Is that what I think it is'? Flew over my wife's head but the girlfriend was mortified. All he could say is 'well I'm not going to deny it'.


LOLOLOLOL!!! Your kid is a stud! The appropriate response is to make sure he knows about safe sex and about good hand hygiene because it sounds like this is something he is going to be doing...


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I would definitely talk about STD's and the importance of using condoms every single time. It's merely impossible to stop these kids from having sex. They will skip class or sports after class and find a place to do the deed in their cars, outside, anywhere private.

I copied and printed a list of STD's for my oldest when she was 17. I highlighted all the incurable std's and we discussed each one. Then we discussed how important sex is in a relationship and how one should wait.

Not only that, teen pregnancy is much higher now then it was when you were in high school. Especially with these TV programs endorsing teen sex like teen mom, pregnant at 16 and the secret life of an American teenager.:/


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## Lyris

Yeah, make sure he has access and information about condoms. 

I think saying what you did was pretty hard on the girl. I can't imagine she'll be wanting to come over any time soon, so maybe you won't be needing to worry about them being in your son's room.

My boyfriend started staying over when we were 18. My parents made sure I was informed about birth control and left it at that. He's my husband now.


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## larry.gray

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Not only that, teen pregnancy is much higher now then it was when you were in high school. Especially with these TV programs endorsing teen sex like teen mom, pregnant at 16 and the secret life of an American teenager.:/


Nope, it's not even close. There's been a 20% drop between when I was in H.S. and today (WOM and I are the same age.)


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## larry.gray

I agree with the others here. You're pretty much not going to stop them if they get a mind to do something. I tell my girls that I'd advise them not to, but if they do they need to be fully informed and as careful as possible.


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## 28down

Time for a good talk, no more alone time, you need to stop it now before it gets out of "hand"!


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## SimplyAmorous

I don't even know how to talk about this subject, as the mentality of all parents today is..... THEY WILL HAVE SEX -so just give him condoms & decide whether you allow it in the house or not in the house /no Bedroom allowed...and that seems to be the end of the discussion. 

We are very OPEN with our sons...much sex talk, joking... our nearing 16 yr old and GF does go up in his room (but not allowed a locked door and they are not allowed in the house alone)...just to get away from the rat race...too many kids around... but we've had this conversation over & over.. and he knows how me & his DAD handled ourselves, no Penis in the hole...I really don't expect him to keep his hands off her, I understand hormones ... how can WE expect anything more from him that we didn't do ourselves. My husbands parents allowed me from when I was 15.. to be alone in his room. 

If we go preaching to them... they'll just stick their hands down their pants outside on a the back walking trail. It's not like we can stop them... *so I advise him how to handle the tension without intercourse.*....this is just not something parents do today... so kids will continue to raise the bar to full banging at earlier & earlier ages. 

I guess I am TRUSTING.. and I hope it doesn't turn to bite us in the a$$....I know our son does not want to do anything to jeopardize their future... he is very respectful to her Father & mother having their trust & favor...... I keep questioning him as time goes on, he is adamant they will NOT go there- nor have they...I tend to believe his words. He knows he can tell us ANYTHING ... With responsibility comes more freedom..this is how we deal with our kids... (he also knows where our condoms are). 

Most teens won't stop there though - even though I am fool enough to believe ours will. They are at Youth Group tonight, they both believe in waiting till marriage. Crazy, I know! 

I tell him to at least hold out till age 18 !


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## turnera

My DD22 dated a boy in high school whose parents trusted them. They spent all their time in his room. I later found out that included time in his shower...

(btw, she is still a virgin, oddly enough)


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## Jasel

They don't fool around there they'll do it someplace else. Do you have a problem with the fact they were engaging in sexual activity or that they were engaging in sexual activity in your house? Or both?


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## that_girl

No opposite sex friends in bedrooms. Ever.

Or at least talk to him about shet like HPV (which can be caught by genital touching) and other things.


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## WorkingOnMe

turnera said:


> My DD22 dated a boy in high school whose parents trusted them. They spent all their time in his room. I later found out that included time in his shower...
> 
> (btw, she is still a virgin, oddly enough)


Insert joke about a river in Egypt....


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## WorkingOnMe

Jasel said:


> They don't fool around there they'll do it someplace else. Do you have a problem with the fact they were engaging in sexual activity or that they were engaging in sexual activity in your house? Or both?


I'm conflicted. She's only 15, he's 16. I know I can't stop biology and I don't want to discourage communication between us. But I also don't want to "condone" sex. But at the same time I'm a hypocrite because at their age I was not a virgin.


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## that_girl

But it's your home.

If you don't want him having girls in his room...then SAY SO.

So what if they find other places? That's what being a teen is about. Don't make it easy for them to get laid. Dang.

Plus, if they want to act like adults, then pay rent, etc, etc...it's YOUR home. I don't want my kids drinking or doing drugs...I wouldn't let her do it at home because she'll be doing it anyway. There's a time and age for everything.

Educate and set boundaries.


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## that_girl

Did you do stuff at home? I didn't. I also wasn't 15 and dating (thinking of her, etc). My daughter is 13 and hell if she's going over to a boy's house at 15.


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## WorkingOnMe

Yes I did stuff at home. My dad walked in on my and my girlfriend one night at 2AM. Didn't say a word....until we were all at the table for family dinner the next day. My parents had, um, loose boundaries for me. My wife's parents on the other hand were extremely strict. She had to sneak out of the house. I didn't have to sneak. I had no curfew.

We're way more strict with our kids than my parents were, but not quite as much as hers. The girlfriend's dad and step dad are pretty protective of her. Her mom (mom and step dad have custody) is maybe a little too laid back. Her mom also had her first kid at 16. I don't say that to judge....God knows I have enough of my own skeletons, just to give some perspective.


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## that_girl

Oh but you're a boy. Double freakin' standards to protect us from boys with no boundaries 

If you were that girl's father, would you want her in some boy's bedroom with his hands all up in her hoo haw?


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## WorkingOnMe

that_girl said:


> Oh but you're a boy. Double freakin' standards to protect us from boys with no boundaries
> 
> If you were that girl's father, would you want her in some boy's bedroom with his hands all up in her hoo haw?


Aw, hell no!


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## that_girl

Then set boundaries and talk about respect with your son. They are young. She's 15. Holy crap. They think they are ready, but they ain't.


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## that_girl

I don't know how that works. She's a minor, having sexual relations in your home that you are pretty sure of.

Hm. I wouldn't be ok with that, even if it was my daughter here with some boy. Gawd no. They are KIDS. Not adults.


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## totamm

I swear I actually smelled VJ as I read this thread. 

And I'm all alone in my house at the moment.


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## the guy

So who is going to buy the rubbers, you or your kid?

I personally felt better buy them and making sure my son had them rather then not knowing he didn't.

Actually Mrs. the-guy bought them for the boy.......or did she?

Anyway back to point...safe sex and preventing teen prego's thats the real deal when it all boils down to it IMHO!

My deal is kids don't need to be have kids!!!!


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## larry.gray

that_girl said:


> I don't know how that works. She's a minor, having sexual relations in your home that you are pretty sure of.


Are you worried about some legal ramifications? There are none in all three west coast states because of close in age exemptions. 16 or 17 y/o guys are OK with a 15 y/o, 30 isn't.


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## Dollystanford

BrockLanders said:


> Can you imagine calling the girl's father and telling him that you've just smelled his daughter's vagina on your son's hands? Talk about the most uncomfortable phone call ever.


Post of the week right there ha ha

I'm telling you now that the poor girl won't let your son's hand within a mile of her fangita at your house ever again

All you can do is be blunt with him - you can't be a hypocrite but give him the 'safe sex or you'll be paying for it until you're in your mid-30s (at least)' routine


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## SimplyAmorous

WorkingOnMe said:


> Insert joke about a river in Egypt....


There really was a River in Egypt in our case... 

It really does depend on the individual teens/ their *values* / their *set boundaries *& their *discipline* in this area... If they are wish washy - they are not going to wait...it has to mean something to them, more than just not getting caught ... if your children are not of this mindset... yet... better tie them up, forbid them to be alone -or stuff condoms in their pockets & preach pretty damn hard & hope they don't forgo the raincoat in the moment.









While me & my husband were dating ....we spent days alone at his sisters house..overnight (our home today- pretty cool)... took a vacation to Indiana before we were married & slept in a tent 3 nights, even lived with each other for 8 months while planning our big Wedding & still didn't have intercourse! We're not insane either... we're not freaks, we still enjoyed roaming hands & orgasmic pleasure ....we were just very disciplined & bound & determined to wait -for what we saw as "sacred" - his entering me/ the fusion that can create "life". 

It's possible for kids to wait...even if they have a high sex drive...If they withhold sticking it in...they really don't know what they are missing ~ they can easily live with touching each other like we did...in those younger yrs...and have a beautiful time...I will admit we couldn't have managed without that. Neither of us had any desire to be purer than that. We never had a rubber and never popped a birth control pill...and never had a scare of pregnancy either. 

Talked to our son again last night about this...not asking him if his hands are in her pants, .. I told him all about this thread....how "Working on ME" blurted out ..." 'bring those hands back here. Is that what I think it is'?"... and mortified the GF... He :rofl:

I mentioned again to him....at least waiting to 18 ....he said back to me ...."at the very least" with a determined face.... I believe we've taught them well... and he better not make us out to be fools ~ he knows how he'll F*** up their futures..we go into detail about ALL OF THIS with them.... they're both high honor & plan to go to College. 

The other son & me were talking, I learned from him his GF won't even allow him to make out, so I guess no worries there yet. 



How about this.... I have a GF ..we met for lunch....telling me how she wouldn't trust my boys...pretty much thinking I am niave....... then proceeds to tell me how her son is....he was over GF's house... the Mom was asleep on the couch... and well.. he put her up on the kitchen counter & banged her right there.....and yep, he told his Mom.... Our kids never hung out ~ I could tell hers were on the WILD side...

Our boys would never in a zillion years do something like that in someone's house!! Utterly disrespectful. It's funny how different people are..She thinks I am naive....NAAH... just cause all you men on here banged your GF's by age 17 doesn't mean all guys are like this...True my husband was the Nice Guy type...I guess this makes the difference. And some chicks DO put on the brakes.. .maybe we are rare (I'll give you that)..... but we still exist.


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## Mavash.

that_girl said:


> Oh but you're a boy. Double freakin' standards to protect us from boys with no boundaries
> 
> If you were that girl's father, would you want her in some boy's bedroom with his hands all up in her hoo haw?


Thank you!! I've got TWO daughters and thanks to this thread I realized there are dads out there that have no boundaries when it comes to this. I'm taking notes and now I'm aware.

Teens are teens but NO I do not want my girls in some boys bedroom ALONE. Yes I'm aware they are going to do it but no way in heck will I make it easy for them.

I dated A LOT and I was never allowed in any of my boyfriends bedrooms. Ever. And boys weren't allowed in mine either.


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## moxy

Tell him to wash his hands more often. 

Have a talk with him about safe sex.

Re-iterate rules in the household. After all, he's still a minor. Realize, though, that if you're too prohibitive, the kids will just find some place less safe to do what they're already doing.


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## Mavash.

moxy said:


> if you're too prohibitive, the kids will just find some place less safe to do what they're already doing.


Less safe? Like where exactly? 

This just kills me. Oh I don't want my kids drinking and driving (less safe) so I'll just buy them booze and let them drink at home. What kind of logic is this?

My parents weren't overprotective or too prohibitive and I still wasn't allowed to have boys in my bedroom. Did I find other places to fool around? Sure but it was HARDER to do and that's the point. The point is to SLOW THIS DOWN until they mature. Can't stop it I agree but you don't have to make it easy on them. Teens having to work hard to find places to be alone - that's what teens do.


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## SimplyAmorous

that_girl said:


> Did you do stuff at home? I didn't. I also wasn't 15 and dating (thinking of her, etc). My daughter is 13 and hell if she's going over to a boy's house at 15.


I've had on & off boyfriends since I was 10....ya know writing letters, seeing them at a friends house, a little talking on the phone type thing......though I'd call all of those "Puppy love".... My husband was the 1st I got off alone with - he had his own car









I wouldn't deny my kids that... Our 11 yr informed us he had a GF....she was skyping him madly on his ipod to nauseum, we got the biggest charge out of that........we knew her parents for years, very involved in church & children's activities...here they was asking if he could spend the night at their house.... we let him go 3 different times ..... then they broke up... terribly silly at this age .. but they had some innocent fun with it.... I just wouldn't deny it...depending on the character of the kids in question/ their families etc. 

So long as our kids OPENly share what is happening in their world, no fear to come to us....no lying, no hiding... I think a little young love is very sweet....if monitored by the parents.. 

We could never deny our kids ....what we enjoyed...in our teen years.



> *Mavash said*: Teens are teens but NO I do not want my girls in some boys bedroom ALONE. Yes I'm aware they are going to do it but no way in heck will I make it easy for them.
> 
> I dated A LOT and I was never allowed in any of my boyfriends bedrooms. Ever. And boys weren't allowed in mine either.


I have a daughter too, I look at this differently....If my daughter allows herself to go that far, that's on her... So long as she has a voice, she is not being raped, I don't want to hear she was some sort of victim...no blaming the boy. She is the one who carries that baby or would open herself up to an STD... too often parents are depending on the other sex to STOP... we need to drill that into the heads of our kids... It is on them.. whether it be the GIRL or the BOY. 

I am happy my husband's parents allowed us in his room alone, Geeze, how boring it would have been at his house otherwise, we would have just left and went somewhere else... we wouldn't have spent any time at his house at all -if that was the case...

Or you could be like my Pastor & wife... ..No wonder their 2 boys married so young.... his sons were not allowed to be alone with their GF's till they were engaged or close to marriage, they had to hang out "in groups" everywhere they want...at least be with another couple...very strict rules... . I would never have strict rules like that... that'd be torture.


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## WorkingOnMe

Keeping everyone out of the bedroom is not realistic. The kids have tv's and play video games and watch movies there all the time.


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## turnera

Only because you allow it. Who runs that house, anyway?


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## SimplyAmorous

I just feel EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO KNOW THY KIDS...know what they are doing, don't be Naive... but if they show a higher responsibilty compared to the norm... I think they deserve more Freedom... that's it.

If they can't be trusted, I too, would keep them on a tighter reign. If my daughter brings home a "Bad boy" from a Family that lacks character, damn sure she won't be going over there alone... NOPE, the boy will have to come to our house and deal with MY stricter rules due to HIS character ... chances are he'd dump her and that would be fine & dandy with me... don't want my daughter going with those types.

And she can pi$$ & moan all she wants - sometimes parents just KNOW what is best for their futures.


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## turnera

DD22 had a huge big screen tv in her bedroom growing up (dad is in the electronics business), and her gaming console. But boys were not allowed in their any time until around senior year. If the boys wanted to use the game console, she would move it to the game room. And during parties, mixed kids were not allowed in there - only girls. And the door was never to be closed. They all knew the rules and abided by them.


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## Dollystanford

My mum always allowed boys in my room, she said she would rather I was doing it under her roof than in an alleyway somewhere...

damn European liberals


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## WorkingOnMe

turnera said:


> Only because you allow it. Who runs that house, anyway?


To me it's a fine line. I mean, we do require that bedroom doors are open at all times. And we frequently make surprise spot checks. And the 10 and 12 year old brothers are also milling about all the time too. And frankly we don't want a bunch of kids playing games and watching crappy kid movies in the family room when we're trying to relax. In the past, every time I've crept up there to check on them they weren't even holding hands. Just playing a video game or watching a movie.

At the moment, I'm thinking that this was just a one-off thing that got out of hand. And I think Dolly is right, the girl was mortified and the chances of her letting his hands wander again in my house is pretty unlikely.


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## LovesHerMan

As the same sex parent, you are the most powerful role model in your son's life. Have you discussed how easy it is to cross the line with a girl? He is just beginning to grapple with the power of sexuality.

If he is not ready to be a father and you are not ready to be a grandfather, you need to help him set boundaries with how he interacts with girls. This means no girls in his bedroom. Temptation is just too great for things to get out of hand.

At the very least you need to discuss condoms with him. He is at a very vulnerable period in his life, and he needs guidance from you.


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## larry.gray

Mavash. said:


> Teens having to work hard to find places to be alone - that's what teens do.


In the era of two working parents and latchkey kids they don't have to work at all. My brother was a player in H.S. School got out at 2:15, my parents carpooled and got home at 5:30. He could ride his bike 10 miles to her place, have fun and be home before them.


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## Jasel

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm conflicted. She's only 15, he's 16. I know I can't stop biology and I don't want to discourage communication between us. But I also don't want to "condone" sex. But at the same time I'm a hypocrite because at their age I was not a virgin.


Well don't beat yourself up. I'm not a parent so probably don't get it completely. But it seems like a lot of parents don't remember what it was like to be a teenager. Or at least forget what it was like when it comes to their own kids and sex. It doesn't really matter whether you "condone" it or not it's gonna happen anyway. Especially if they're already sexually active which it sounds like your son is. The best thing you can do is make sure he and his gf are being safe.


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## SimplyAmorous

Jasel said:


> It doesn't really matter whether you "condone" it or not it's gonna happen anyway. Especially if they're already sexually active which it sounds like your son is. The best thing you can do is make sure he and his gf are being safe.


I agree they are going to WANT TO GO THERE....I feel I'm very Realistic on this count....I remember well what it was like to be a raging hormonal teenager ...EXCITEMENT / Fireworks







....
I wanted his hands to go there.... but I'll NEVER agree that all these kids HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY... if we teach them it's inevitable, it WILL BE in their minds...leading to the full action.. a right of passage...

If... however...we teach them there are other ways to handle themselves... have FUN...and NOT go all the way ...without the hot dog in the bun... seeing a value in waiting....hold that boundary till a certain preferable age... then it's freaking DO-ABLE. 

AM I CRAZY?

But you're right, once they go "all the way".. it's over... they ain't going back to touching and exploring...Condoms & the Pill will be a part of their lives forever more. 

...Unless of course they are inspired by our current "Bachelor"....and decide no more intercourse till his Wedding Day.


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## turnera

The way I kept DD22 from doing it (still hasn't) is to explain to her that highschool boys are for having fun and going out with different guys and not getting serious, because most high school romances won't last, and if you give it up to one of them, he may be gone in a week and then you'll have given it up for nothing; wait for someone important, so you can have good, lasting memories of your first time. And guys who won't keep dating you if you won't do it aren't worth dating, are they? She's dated a couple guys in college and gotten almost to the point that she was ready, when a breakup occurred. So she's holding out for someone important. Well, plus, she has incredibly high standards and turns lots of guys down.


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## janesmith

I dont care what I did as a kid or got away with. My house, my rules. There were no girls allowed in my son's bedroom and he left at age 22 that being one reason. Im okay with that. Wanna be a man or a woman, do it on your own dime in your own crib. I would have handled it almost the same what the OP did. I would have called them out on it right there. I wouldnt have cared about their embarassment just as they didnt care about disrespecting my home and my rules. If she is embarrassed, good that means she wont come back. I understand kids will do what kids do, but we as parents dont have to make it easy on them. I as the adult and the parent have control over what goes on in my own home and Ill be damned if I let a couple of horny teen agers dictate that. 

In my house non bill paying entities (kids) dont get to decide what goes on. We would also have to have a discussion about hygiene because thats just nasty. Any parent who has a hard time with me informing their child of my rules and enforcing them, doesnt EVER have to allow their child in my house again. and im okay with that.


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## underwater2010

I would like to say that as a mother of a teenage daughter...I would like to know what she was up to. But I am not one to fly off the handle either. I remember what it was like to be that age and the "innocent" first love.

If you are unsure of her parents reaction then I would set them down on your own. Talk about stds, condoms, etc. Sometimes it is easier for girls to open up to someone other than their parents. I would also let them know that it is not OK to have sex in your house. Other than that....GREAT job calling them out in the moment.


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## Flygirl

I can't believe you put that girl on the spot like that. Poor thing! My biggest issue would be hygiene. They weren't having sex. Sounds like they were just exploring. I remember what it's like to be a teenager and I have a close relationship with my son partly because of that. He knows he can talk to me about anything. My husband is the opposite so my son doesn't talk to his dad about anything. That's sad because he's a boy and needs a man's perspective from time to time. I don't understand the parents who believe that their teen will never do anything wrong simply because they know their parents don't approve. My son confides in me who drinks, who sells pot, who smokes pot etc. 95% of the time it's the child of the parents who think their child would do it. My son told me that he tried pot when he slept at a friends house. It wasn't easy for him to admit this and it was hard to hear. I was disappointed in him and I told him that. He had a lot of questions about it though so I'm glad he came to me. I never let him go back to that kids again after that though. The kids parents allowed a group of teenaged boys to sleep in tents in the yard and totally unsupervised. That's just asking for trouble.


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