# Heartbroken Stepmother



## lala

Ok, this is going to sound really childish because the whole situation is, but it's eating me alive inside. 

My husband dated a girl briefly a couple years ago and got her pregnant (this is before we met). 

But me and my H met and started dating when his daughter was only one month old. He told me when we first started dating that he wanted nothing to do with the mother or the child. Now, me being a woman I thought that was kinda f*cked up, but I figured that was his decision as a person too.

So, anyways, his daughter is almost 3 now, we've been married for 7 months and for the past couple months he's been wanting to see his daughter which is fine with me. He found the mother of his child on facebook and he's been looking at his daughter's pictures everyday and now he feels guilty about abdoning her.

Since the baby was born the mother of his child has moved out of state and she lives 2 states away from us (like a 6 hour drive from where we live) but apperantly she still has feelings for him and she is writing him messages on facebook and telling him whenever he goes up there and sees his daughter that if he is married or with someone then he will not be allowed to see his daughter. Well, he told me this, and now I feel guilty because I feel like I'm getting in the way of his daughter.

I know that he was not there for her for a couple of years but he has had a change of heart since then, he grew up without a father. He does not want the same for his child.

I am heartbroken because I know I am the one getting in the way of him and his daughter, the mother of his child hates me why I don't know, but she is still in love with him, she begs him to take her back and she wants a happy little family and she will tell him on the phone "Just kick her out and let me and Aubree come stay there" I will get a job at the place I used to work at" 

She never filed for child support, custody, anything. Why? We don't know. They even took a DNA test when the child was first born to see if he was the father and it came back that he was the father. And she has a copy of his birth certificate and Social Security Card. So we cannot figure out why she never tried to take him to court.

So, he hasn't been paying her anything these past couple of years until now. He is writing her personal checks whenever she lets him see his daughter just because he knows that she needs the money. Sometimes she will let me go up there with him and see my stepdaughter and then others time she will act like a crazy bi*ch and freak out. So, I don't know...but I feel like I need to go because it is clearly hurting my husband with his daughter not being in his life everyday. 
I can see it in his eyes when he comes home from work or when we're just hanging out at the house that he is sad. He never used to look like that and now he does all the time. We even have pictures of his daughter all over the house, and to be honest I think that just makes it worse on him because sometimes he will look at the pictures and cry. And I feel bad cause there is nothing I can do to replace his child. 


Should I just leave so he can have his daughter there? He's even made remarks to me, "Yea, it would be nice if she was here when I got home from work everyday" But then he says that he loves me and he dosn't want to lose me. So I don't know what to do.


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## tamara24

This woman is playing you and your husband. The daughter is also his and since she has not filed any papers askin for support then I would say to have your hubby talk to a lawyer to find out what his legal rights are. Maybe he can get joint custody and have her during holidays and summer months. I would encourage. Any relationship with his daughter.

As far as you being in the way, it is the other woman who thinks you are in the way. You are now married and your hubby's partner. Of course, she would love making you feel guilty and the reason why they are not together. But that was three years ago and hubby never attempted to break up with you to go to her. It is obvious,his reasons to see her is only for the child and you shouldn't let insecurities grow into anything. You are giving her more ammo. 
Good luck and just be supportive and keep the lines of communication open.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatgivinguplookslike

im sorry to hear that. but thing is YOU shouldn't be feeling responsible or sad! it isn't your fault. your husband can contact the law and find ways to see his daughter. he obviously loves you and doesn't want to give you up. he is sad because he is torn up about a choice he made long ago, and he regrets that. but he loves you and doesn't regret you. he is angry that she is doing this to him i am sure. i wish i could trade you situations though. my husband gets his kids. but they hate me. they are vindictive and mean. no matter how hard i try they only get meaner. they say horrible things to me and make me want to die sometimes. but if i am not here for my husband he won't be able to see them since we live so far away from them. child care would be too expensive. i hope that your husband finds a solution and that you don't hold it to your heart too much. it isn't your fault. don't take the blame. you are a good wife if you would be willing to give up your happiness and leave him just so that he could have that relationship. he is a lucky man that you support him every way you can. he really does need an attorney! good luck! let me know how it goes.


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## F-102

Whoah!!!! Back up the truck!!!

You married a man who wanted "nothing" to do with his child?

And now you're blaming YOURSELF for "getting in the way".

You need some serious counseling. You seem to have terrible self-esteem issues, and, as kindly as I can put it, you are setting yourself up for an ugly future here. 

I'm not saying to leave him, but I would seriously think about being in what sounds to be the makings of a Jerry Springer episode for a marriage.


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## Laurae1967

I give your husband credit for stepping up to the plate. She has not filed custody or child support because she's using it as leverage to control your husband.

He needs to get a lawyer and get the visitation clarified. He is also going to have to pay child support and it might be a lot more than he bargained for, but considering he's paid nothing to support his daughter for three years, he needs to $uck it up and deal with it.

You are not the problem. Your husband and his screwy girlfriend are the problem. I hope they can get it together for the sake of their daughter.


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## turnera

All three of you are acting like children. How old are you guys, anyway? 

You are married. Act like it. 'Letting' your husband visit his child is a big difference from letting him visit the mother of his child. If you're willing to leave this man just because he pouts about missing his doctor, are you really right for each other?

He needs to go to United Way or whatever and get legal help to get legal visiting rights so he won't be blackmailed just to get to see his daughter.

And his ex needs to back off of his relationship. The reason he's pouting now is probably because she's pulling out all the stops to seduce him (if she hasn't already) and now he's torn between two girls. Put a stop to it.


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## vbeezy2011

Having been with someone for a long time and dealing with stepkid issues I feel like some people are being a little harsh here. 
1. Your husband needs to see his child.
2. He is your husband now, what does he says about these little conversations about them being together? He needs to stop conversations about anything that is not about the child- you and your husband's relationship should not be coming up.
3. Contact a lawyer quick- he needs and should be paying support and needs to know that laws behind it. 
4. You are in for a long bumpy road. Minimum of 15 years of this; it sounds like you have to grow some tougher skin. My husband's ex hated me for a while; then she realized I actually was good for her child and treated her with respect and loved her as my own. We are not friends but we are friendly (for 16ish years)
We did not have the same issues though. 
Sounds like she thinks there is hope of them getting back together- he needs to squash that.


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## borninapril

Go see a lawyer. Anything that is being done for the child needs to go through the court. I cannot say how it is where you are, but in KS anything that is given for a child care that doesn't go through the court is considered a "gift". Which means at a later date should she decide to get support anything that has come before will not count as support before the courts got involved and the court could go after him for back child support. Plus if he is paying anything through the court, they would most often decide what his rights are in regards to visitation. Another thing to consider is that she might be collecting assistance (ie money, food or health assistance) from the State that she lives in since the child's Father (your husband) is not supporting the child under the States knowledge, which basically equals to her defrauding the State.


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## lala

We are a young couple...I am 24, he's 28, and the mother of his child is 30. But that is her first child and she has never been married before or even been pregnant before for that matter. Me and my husband don't have any kids together. We just got married 7 months ago. 
We have called lawyers about him getting joint custody or seeing her everyother weekend, but every lawyers office we call in Georgia tell us that we have to get a lawyer and file for custody in the county the child lives in. Well, that is impossible for us because she lives 2 states away from us and it is a 6 hour drive there. We cannot get a lawer all the way in NC. We will need a lawyer that is local but ever lawyer we call say they can't take our case because we HAVE to file where the child lives in, so if we did then we would basically have to move to NC. Which isn't going to happen. All of my family is here and he just started his own business in Georgia, and already is getting a lot of customers. And she's obviously not going to file because she dosn't want him to get joint custody and she knows if she takes us to court then he will get some rights because he wants to be apart of his daughter's life. And she say's she dosn't want her child around just the 2 of us yet. ? So the only way he can really see her is if we move to NC or if she moves to GA.


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## turnera

I don't understand why you can't just CALL a lawyer there and hire him?


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## F-102

A good lawyer would help you get things set up. These ones are giving you the "Go away, Kid, ya bother me" runaround.


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## turnera

If you're worried about money, contact United Way and see if they can help you.


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## Mom#2Bliss

Agree with Turnera! 

Go to United Way for help. Get a lawyer, go to court to assign custody/visitation/child support, end story. Whatever the judge says is what goes...there can be no more blackmail on the baby momma's end, unless she wants to risk violating a court order. 
Your husband also needs to end all discussion with her that is not related to Aubrey. Out of respect for you and your marriage. You stepping out of the way is a ridiculous thought, unless you want out, and this is a good excuse. I understand her not wanting her child around just you 2 by herself yet, as you guys are basically strangers to that child. However, that doesn't mean she gets to dictate how and when you both see the child. That doesn't mean she gets to say she only wants your husband around, etc. Woman up sister! Take charge of your marriage, hire a lawyer for your husband, lay down some ground rules on dealing with the baby momma, and you BOTH take care of that baby girl. Good Luck! I have 3 stepkiddos of my own, and their mother abandoned them leaving them with us for a period of 3 years, so we made sure, through the court that she had to work her butt off to get visitation again. We weren't going to let the kids see her, get reattached just for her to take off and abandon them again.


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## Mom6547

lala said:


> Well, that is impossible for us because she lives 2 states away from us and it is a 6 hour drive there. We cannot get a lawer all the way in NC.


Why not? They don't have phones in NC?



> We will need a lawyer that is local


Why?



> but ever lawyer we call say they can't take our case because we HAVE to file where the child lives in, so if we did then we would basically have to move to NC. Which isn't going to happen. All of my family is here and he just started his own business in Georgia, and already is getting a lot of customers. And she's obviously not going to file because she dosn't want him to get joint custody and she knows if she takes us to court then he will get some rights because he wants to be apart of his daughter's life. And she say's she dosn't want her child around just the 2 of us yet. ? So the only way he can really see her is if we move to NC or if she moves to GA.



I wonder if you and your husband are setting up obstacles to get out of filing but also to make yourself feel better that you CAN'T. You can. You will have to do some driving sometimes.


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## Mom6547

F-102 said:


> A good lawyer would help you get things set up. These ones are giving you the "Go away, Kid, ya bother me" runaround.


That is not really true. The only thing a lawyer could do is help them get in touch with a NC lawyer. There really is nothing they can do in GA.


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## SimplyAmorous

Lala - Oh my Goodness, you are being toooooo unselfish here, why in the world would you even entertain the idea of giving up your husband to a witch like that. YOU are NOT in the way here. You are his wife ! You and your husband, like others here are saying, need to get the legal system involved for him to have his RIGHTS to see his daughter and you and him stick by each other through it all - in front of this conniving RUDE woman. 

You are a very loving wife (and AMAZING step mother) to feel as you do about his child considering this situation, he would be a blundering fool to give YOU up! 

Bury this type of thinking.


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