# I want my husband back!!!



## KC108 (Dec 16, 2008)

*Hi !! 
I'm new to the forum;
and I may as well get on with a situation, that I need your POV
comprehensive sos if you will, from men
I have a brain stumper:scratchhead:
this is the scenario:
married at 25/26, both of us had been married before (short)
soul mates, ideal marriage everything in common, did everything together, never went anywhere without the other, deeply in love
lived together a year prior to wedding. He came out of a brief marriage from a cheating wife. My marriage was annuled before it was consumated.(wasn't legit).
After a few years , I got stressed out because I felt that I was 
taken for granted by my daughter and dh, he was possessive but not violent, or ever tried to hurt me. I loved him but I was dealing with some issues (health) we had normal young couples disagreements, but we were in it til. death do us part (his words) 
Well after getting wrong counsel, I left him, and we divorced. he tried to get me back , I didn't have anyone else or want anyone and made this clear to him, .
2 years later he came to visit for Christmas in hopes of reconciliation, I refused when he asked me to remarry. . I was angry then at myself so he went his way and cried, but from time to time we kept in touch as friends and he will tell of all of his conquests, he has during this time married 4 times with each one lasting 4 yrs. we lost contact with one another, I looked him up this year, to honestly see how he was doing. he was over excited to hear from me and started making plans for us to get back together, rapidly. even though he would mention how he was so in love with me ,& how much I hurt him, I asked for forgiveness and explained why I did what I did, and that I never stopped loving him and that I had not been with anyone for at least three years
I don't feel that he believed me. to shorten the story, this went on for about 2 weeks, just as we were when we first met on the phone, I was in another state and he asked that i move to where he was (state) after told him i was looking to get away from where I was living.
after talking and planning for about two weeks, he spoke to our daughter, and in one day he abruptly cooled off.
I was devastated, he had told me that he had a friend", but nothing serious, just that "I knew that he didn't like to be alone"So I moved on with my life, and once in a while would keep in touch. O did move to the same state, but to take care of my ailing god mother, when he found that I had arrived he asked that we could have lunch, excited again as if nothing ever happened. I accepted the offer, but told him to allow me to settle in first. My godmom was more than a handful, caring for her was a task. before I knew it almost a month had went ny, and I called him on July4th and he was ice cold, on the 10th of July a female returned my call to my cell, a confrontation took place, I called back and asked to speak with him and it was drama because he had a few beers, and could never handle his 
drinks, it was not pretty he told me not to call him "no more"
So I said okay, I will respect you and your choices. I love him dearly and sincerely believe that he loves me the same. but may have some convictions and cautions, besides having this girlfriend. I called him thanksgiving (by now I don;t have anything to lose) blocked my number from the ID in case she was there. and he was happy to hear from me, and sounded unhappy in his present state. he asked me in so any words if I could help him with his college math? I said sure. but told him
that "I called to give him my home number, if he ever wanted to get in contact with me. Left it as that and waiting for him to call. please help>> I know I blew it from being too reserved
I have yet to see him face to face, and we'rein the same city but he didn't know it until 2 weeks ago. he said he thought I had went back to our daughter
Sorry if this was too long, but I need help should I wait? , play my hand right. and see what he does next. What do I do?
I want my husband back* Is there a chance for us. from a man's point of view , what could he be thinking?
Thanks for your replies in advance
p.s. we are middle aged and it has been 20 yrs, since we've seen each other


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

My honest opinion is that if you keep falling out after repeatedly before you even get back together, it's going to be even more fireworks in the flesh - don't bother.

If he gets married every 4 years, he does not sound like marriage material either. 

It also says a lot about your self esteem that you will chase a guy that is not red-hot for you. There must be loads of men who will have you just as you are, but you're probably pushing them away.

As an insight into you, I am interested to know why your first marriage was not consummated.


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## KC108 (Dec 16, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


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Thanks:
It was not a legal marriage;
I just wondered what would makes such a man cool off so quickly, after he iniated the pursuit of reconciliation,
Can't a person just love someone with their heart? without
having low-self image?
I agree that if he's not red-hot, that may be an indication that he is not presently interested, but he asked me if I could help him with his studies?
Could he not be just cautious?
Thanks


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Honey, you need to go to this site, and read about the broken popcorn machine. You don't ask why it's broke, you just move on: "Ask Dr. Tracy" Love Library


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

If it has been 20 years, the reasons that you fell in love with him 20years ago are probably not going to hold up. Do you know anything about him now? His goals, dreams, etc? I think you might be setting yourself up for heartache. You want your husband back, but is this guy the same guy that he was 20 years ago, or is he better? I would definitely take the time to find out before I would decide whether I wanted this for sure or not.


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## KC108 (Dec 16, 2008)

Thanks for your insightl
I appear to be blaming myself for the past, while it is true that I still care for what we had as soulmates, I must look at this from the standpoint of the above mentioned , he has probably changed as I did, I changed for the better and when I talk to him on the phone he always sounds like he has changed in terms of being a more humbled person, he used be extremely arrogant at times with people,
one of the things I disliked about him back then. He sounds different now,
But your advice is well worrth considering, after reading your post i don't feel qyute as torn and ambivalent, like a small reality check,
I appreciate so much your pov
Blessings and Happy Holidays


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

He's with another...no matter what his attention will be divided. Not fair to anyone.

Now is not the time. Leave it alone.


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