# A different model of sexual desire and sexual interest



## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

So many people wish they could solve the HD vs LD problems in some marriages. People look for relationship advice and ideas/tools to solve the differences.

The old and popular Master and Johnson model is simple: The human sexual response cycle is a four-stage model of physiological responses to sexual stimulation, which, in order of their occurrence, are the excitement phase, plateau phase, orgasmic phase and resolution phase. 


The newer female model is more complicated:

Taking a Closer Look at Basson’s Model of the Sexual Response Cycle:

https://sexologyinternational.com/t...t-bassons-model-of-the-sexual-response-cycle/

This article takes a closer look at a sexual response model that more accurately depicts the responsive components of desire and the underlying motivational forces that trigger it, particularly in women in long-term relationships. Dr. Rosemary Basson proposes a model of a sexual response that is circular and more complex than the traditional linear model put forth by Master’s and Johnson.

There are other models of sexual arousal by other researchers.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_arousal


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think when most people discuss LD partners, they are referring to partners who who experience little sexual desire in situations where most other people would experience desire. In the link you gave, several of those stages would be very rare


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Handy said:


> The old and popular Master and Johnson model is simple: The human sexual response cycle is a four-stage model of physiological responses to sexual stimulation, which, in order of their occurrence, are the excitement phase, plateau phase, orgasmic phase and resolution phase.


I actually purchased and read a copy of Masters and Johnson "Human Sexual Response" and while you do state the phases correctly and they did present these to the public as a "parallel" response... they did observe rather different things for each gender during each phase. 

While I can't cite it in the book, I do know at one point in their research that they concluded that the female sexual response was far more capable and profound than that of a male.

Masters and Johnson concluded that the resolution phase was a completely different response when comparing between male and female.

But your problem with using Masters and Johnson here in this thread is that this research did not really address any model of sexual desire or sexual interest. It is also fair to say that since their study was completed only using people on a voluntary basis that just individuals with an inherent and readily present interest in sex signed up for these studies. Masters and Johnson did do further work on sexual dysfunctions but I have not bothered to read any of that... 

My point being is that you should not discredit Masters and Johnson as it is still valid today. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Basson’s Model seems quite accurate to me.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

This may sound strange but I read a Masters and Johnson how to and problem solving sex book where the study did role playing using surrogates to help an SO or marriage to get over sexual problems when the other aspects of a M where happy.....when I was 13 or 14.

This book was in a box of books stored, and always being a voracious reader I was always looking for books to read.

Being a young male, I saw the word sex used routinely and I had to read it 😎.

It was years later when I put two and two together. I haven't thought of this book in many years. Quite a 60s/70s era book and forward thinking.

It was more about helping a couple or one partner work through problems when both sincerely wanted to, and being considerate for each other individually and as a couple. 

But I agree although the Users were limited as being a selection that wanted to solve problems rather than classified purely as LD / HD the model was good. 

Recognize there was a situation that wanted improving and approach it as a team.

Hey, no wonder I like sex so much 😍😍😍. But our family was very open about sex anyway.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This may sound strange but I read a Masters and Johnson how to and problem solving sex book where the study did role playing using surrogates to help an SO or marriage to get over sexual problems when the other aspects of a M where happy.....when I was 13 or 14.
> 
> This book was in a box of books stored, and always being a voracious reader I was always looking for books to read.
> 
> ...



OMG the books we read when we are young. I recall finding a book titled "The Sensuous Man" which was a book for men on how to be a good lover. I found it in stashed my grandpa's tool shed in a box where he also had his pipe tobacco. I swiped it and read it. I skimmed through and nothing made any sense to me and the ONLY thing I remember was a section where it instructed men to become familiar with different senses all over their skin and advised for an experiment of laying on top of some saltine crackers to experience something different. 

Me being a rather autistic kid concluded that nothing could be more stupid than laying down in a bed full of saltine crackers and crumbs against your bare skin, so I did the responsible thing and just returned the book by giving it to my grandma. She asked me where I found it and I said, "where grandpa keeps his pipe tobacco!" 



Badsanta


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

OMG I have to agree.
The books we read when we were young.

I also actually read a pirate book (I thought). Hey, it had a picture of a pirate and sailing ships on the cover.

It wasn't until I was about 20 I realized it was a romance novel that had pirates in it. 

😉 I googled it a couple years ago for kicks. Named Cristobal I think. And there was indeed romancing between Cristobal and Flame. 

Sure enough. 😘😘


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

*Badsanta
My point being is that you should not discredit Masters and Johnson as it is still valid today.*

I wasn't trying to discrediting Masters and Johnson. I was pointing out M&J wasn't the only model. Until i got the internet, I only read a few things about sex after having a stiff and generous childhood training sex was somehow bad and only OK for certain things and limited times.

After I got married I was reluctant to be adventurous but I did read a few scholarly books and thought that was the only model there was.

Now with the Internet and people openly and willing discussing how they feel about relationships and how they interact on a daily basis, and some of the issues they face, if one model doesn't work for some people, there are different models to think about that might help some couples.

I agree some of the models are going to be not useful for people in LD-HD relationships. Then again reading about different responses might explain why a person doesn't fir the M&J model but might fit another model. 

I have come to the conclusion that several couple's mismatch in the LD-HD department isn't always that one person is not the broken one. My idea is two good people are just not compatable and at least reading about the different models and attachment styles helps people avoid labeling some people as a bad person. It is bad for them but still not a bad over all person.

This compatibility and attraction chemistry, sometimes is just baffling to me. The "perfect on paper" but it won't work for me is a mystery that does not always have a good answer.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Handy said:


> This compatibility and attraction chemistry, sometimes is just baffling to me. The "perfect on paper" but it won't work for me is a mystery that does not always have a good answer.


In my opinion physical attraction is mostly driven by instinct. Tests have been done using slightly altered images of the exact same face and then asking someone which is the most attractive. Within less than a second a person always points to the photo edited to have the most symmetry but will be unable to describe as to why that photo was chosen.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

My 2 cents. I am the HD partner in a 47 year marriage. I have a much different take. I feel that there are things that can be done to negotiate a compromise level of sexual activity, but it is hard and both need to be motivated to make it work.

Lately, I have been reading David Schnarch's Intimacy and Desire (I already read Passionate Marriage & the Crucible). I highly recommend that book for a much different take on the dance that a couple does between the LD & HD partner and what the HD partner can do to find internal happiness.

Based on my experience, you can't turn an LD partner into a sex addict. You can't force them to do things that they don't want to do. You can (once you have resolved a variety of issues) negotiate with them on a compromise in regards to sexual activity and frequency that you can both "barely live with." If it is a compromise it will stretch both of you, but you will both find some degree of happiness and that level of happiness may even grow with time. Actually, I like how Schnarch points out that the stretching and discomfort will help both of you emotionally grow. His 4 points of balance are quite interesting.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

All good marriages are a blend of compromises. Sex and money are likely the two most difficult. And sex, is very much like money. It becomes very, very hard not to think about it, when there isn’t enough.

Why my favorite short story is Gift of the Magi. 

Maybe that’s why compromise driven by mechanics, is so different than that driven by spirit. 

Once marriage becomes a zero sum game, that’s a big problem. 





Young at Heart said:


> My 2 cents. I am the HD partner in a 47 year marriage. I have a much different take. I feel that there are things that can be done to negotiate a compromise level of sexual activity, but it is hard and both need to be motivated to make it work.
> 
> Lately, I have been reading David Schnarch's Intimacy and Desire (I already read Passionate Marriage & the Crucible). I highly recommend that book for a much different take on the dance that a couple does between the LD & HD partner and what the HD partner can do to find internal happiness.
> 
> Based on my experience, you can't turn an LD partner into a sex addict. You can't force them to do things that they don't want to do. You can (once you have resolved a variety of issues) negotiate with them on a compromise in regards to sexual activity and frequency that you can both "barely live with." If it is a compromise it will stretch both of you, but you will both find some degree of happiness and that level of happiness may even grow with time. Actually, I like how Schnarch points out that the stretching and discomfort will help both of you emotionally grow. His 4 points of balance are quite interesting.


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