# "Kill them with Kindness" instead of the 180?



## brokenmama (May 27, 2012)

Would this work instead of 180? Just to distance yourself and be still feel like you are a good person trying to be civil? I work with closely and and raising kids with my STBXH. So, we have to talk and keep things very friendly, even though he cheated and has moved the OW one mile from where I live now.

I'm thinking when things go sour with her, he will be able to reflect on what a sweet person (me) that he threw away.

That way, when he finally begs to come back, I can sweetly say "no thanks" and kick him when he is down!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

You can try, but "faking" being nice when you are really hurting inside will kill you slowly. 

Why not just be very business and matter of fact like and only deal with him with matters of your son? You can be civil and polite without being mean and without getting "too friendly".


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

brokenmama said:


> Would this work instead of 180? Just to distance yourself and be still feel like you are a good person trying to be civil? I work with closely and and raising kids with my STBXH. So, we have to talk and keep things very friendly, even though he cheated and has moved the OW one mile from where I live now.
> 
> I'm thinking when things go sour with her, he will be able to reflect on what a sweet person (me) that he threw away.
> 
> That way, when he finally begs to come back, I can sweetly say "no thanks" and kick him when he is down!


You should not be doing anything In anticipation of will or will not happen with him in the future.

Do whats best for you and your future. Anything else will keep you from what you need to do--heal and move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

The killing with kindness strategy sort of misses one of the benefits of the 180-working on your growth and development.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

"The 180" will serve you far better. " Killing them with kindness" is just some kind of a false mantra used to help with the perpetration of "game-playing."

You do not need to play games at this juncture. You should be doing "the 180" to solely work on improving yourself!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I tried that initially. He only treated me like a bigger doormat than I already was. And, it took away my dignity and last shred of self-esteem I had.


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## MisterRitter (Sep 1, 2012)

I have to agree with all of the above. What if he doesn't come begging for you back? 

The 180 seems to be a good course of action for most people, and in my mind, the most important part is working on yourself. 

This process of separation and rejection is soul-destroying. The person that you loved and trusted most in the world has said they no longer want you. That has taken a lot out of me, as I suspect it would of most people.

There is probably a lot that needs to rebuilt in most people going through this process, and waiting to hurt someone to get back at them for hurting you won't help anything in the long run.


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