# New Here



## Senseiblue (Nov 27, 2020)

Hello my name is Mika. Im 27 years old been married for 4 years now. Back in February I found out my husband was having an affair with his lesbian friend. The worse part is how much he made me feel crazy about it when I ask him about it. He had sex with her unprotected. The only way I found out was because her girlfriend went through her phone and sent me two months of screenshots of this disgusting adultery. Flash foward to now he's trying to be a better husband but I feel its not genuine at all. He is 33 years old and when hes not at work he's home on the game all day long. So pretty much our marriage sucks, our sex life sucks and im very bored. I dont want to cheat because I feel like its pointless. The only thing that has made me stay this long is us sharing two very small children and im afraid to break up their home. I am so unhappyit is beginning to effect my sleep. Any thoughts or advice is welcome.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You are giving your children examples of what a married relationship should be -- they will grow and learn that what you have is normal. BTW, YOU are not breaking up their home -- your H did that with the affair. Do you want YOUR relationship for THEM when they get married?

I think you need to see a lawyer or two at least to get an understanding of what a divorce would look like legally, financially, child custody/support payments, etc.. This will remove the fear of the unknown to allow you to make decisions on this that are best for YOU and your children. Your H will have to take care of himself since he basically fired you from the job by having and affair.
Don't cheat -- don't lower yourself to his level. If you do, you will resent yourself for doing it. Do the right thing -- divorce him first, then you can move on.

In the meantime, take care of yourself -- eat right, exercise, TRY to get more sleep, be close to your kids.
You may want to start doing this (the 180) to help YOU detach from your H (since he obviously is already detached).
180 for Betrayed Spouses 


What was HIS response when you confronted him with the evidence? Has he broken off ALL communication with this woman? HE is the one that should be putting in the work to help YOU recover from the affair -- which it doesn't sound like he is doing at ALL. If he doesn't there is no chance of true reconciliation. He probably wants to you rug sweep this -- just "forget it ever happened" and keep on going like you were before.
DO NOT let that happen. You need to get this worked out if there is any chance at R.

VERY sorry you are going through this.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> Don't cheat -- don't lower yourself to his level. If you do, you will resent yourself for doing it.


Agreed. Do the right thing. You have every good right to end your marriage, and your children would be far better off with one good parent, than with one good and one lousy parent. It's far easier to pull "down" than "up", "gravity" weighs in on the side of evil.

Go to a lawyer, like @jlg07 says. Find out where you stand, legally, where the custodial rights to your children stand, legally.


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