# need advice and perspective



## lessthanaman (Dec 23, 2012)

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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You can work together on this and there is no need for you to martyr yourself by "stepping aside". 

If she truly loves you she would be completely insulted to think that just because of this you would let her go. I also think you are going to make this worse with the way you are thinking, like a self fulfilling prophecy. 

Do you only have PIV sex? What about oral and hands? You wife has already told you she is happy with her toys, believe her. Do you ever use them on her?
My partner could keep me very happy even if we couldn't have PIV sex. All is not lost, just get in there and keep loving your wife.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

What has your doctor said as far as a cause for the ED?

Do you smoke? I assume the doc checked for heart disease and hypertension?

Have you tried changing your diet to very low fat/plant-based? A diet heavy in animal fats (the typical American diet) can cause ED.

If Viagra isn't helping, do you think the problem is being exacerbated by your fears (less physical and more emotional)? If that's the case, a counselor could help you work through it.

Of course other women can't speak for your wife, but if I was in this situation, it wouldn't matter that much to me if the marriage was good otherwise. Affection, acceptance, emotional closeness, common interests etc. ,especially after that many years of marriage, are much more crucial components of happiness with someone than having intercourse.

(I could be quite happy indeed with hands, tongue and toys )


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

My H and I have awesome sex.... pretty much daily. I am 50, he is 55. He says that someday he may not be able to perform as well or as often...and what will happen then? 

I've told him...and I am 100% sincere.... that if for some reason we could never have PIV sex again, we still know PLENTY of ways to please each other. Also....we've had such awesome sex that while I would miss it, I already have been blessed....and I know it. THAT would tide me. 

Maybe it's a guy thing.... but for me, his ejaculation is for him. Apparently, my multiple orgasms are for both of us. 

As a woman, I'd be happy with all the touching and closeness (and ONE orgasm  ) ...the rest is bonus! 

So even if he couldn't get it up any more, he could excite me is sooooooo many ways!


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

lessthanaman said:


> I need advice from women but will accept from men as well. I almost don't even know where to begin.
> 
> I have been married for a very long time to a very good woman (and I love her dearly). who couldn't possibly treat me better. Our sex life was always very good. I am 53 she is 52 and is very much the looker. She has never realized how good she looks but she could easily pass for 20 years younger. She has always given me anything I want in bed. Her goal was to keep her man taken care of in that respect and she has done a hell of good job at it.
> 
> ...


You say you got your T level taken care of, but then the problem returned? Have you had it tested again? It probably dropped again.

What are doing to boost it? Drugs? Exercise?

Basically you have to figure out whether its a chemical imbalance or an emotional, psych problem.


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## lessthanaman (Dec 23, 2012)

Holland said:


> You can work together on this and there is no need for you to martyr yourself by "stepping aside".
> 
> If she truly loves you she would be completely insulted to think that just because of this you would let her go. I also think you are going to make this worse with the way you are thinking, like a self fulfilling prophecy.
> 
> ...


I am still loving her. I love her so deeply and totally its as if Im swimming in her soul.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I have similar issues and am in my mid 50's. I get testosterone injections and they help. The pills didn't help at all. But there is the pump and if need be a strapon (fortunately we haven't gone there yet). I suggest exploring your options and maybe even getting a little kinky. Combine oral with fingers and then a strapon.... It can be done.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

it sounds like there is no way that your wife will leave you over this. i'd believe what she says and use her toys on her. if my husband thought that i'd find another lover if he failed to perform, i'd think that he would think that that is what our marriage was ever all about. i think it's ridiculous for you to think or even suggest that. I guess it's noble of you, but still, there is no way in a million years i'd even entertain that notion if your wife was me. the most fun i have with sex is oral - it's the only way I have an orgasm, so I don't know if that's a highlight for your wife or not, but if so, you've still got that covered. Or read a book and get better at it. There are other ways to be sexual besides PIV, and although that may have been the main attraction, you can still keep your wife sexually satisfied. It sounds like you have something really special with your wife - you're not going to lose it and don't even suggest that she cheats on you. Oy - that's stressing me out just thinking that you're thinking that.


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## SoStrong (Dec 25, 2012)

I have been in this same situation. I NEVER loved my husband any less when he couldn't perform!! Would you love her any less if she couldn't perform sexually for you? I would be totally heart broken if my husband even suggested something like he would "step aside" for me. Keep hope...my husband doesn't have an ED problem anymore (it was medication induced, once he got it staightened out he was fine) so no worries. PLEASE don't even consider letting her go because of what you perceive to be "good for her". You have a mouth and hands and like she said you can use toys! Think of all the new things you can try  Have fun!!!!!!!!!!!


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