# My wife does nothing



## WTFman (Jun 6, 2009)

Lame title I know. But it is somewhat true. I've been married for three years to a woman I never wanted to be married to. I was pretty ignorant to how things worked legally for a marriage to take place but here is a little background on us.

My wife and I met through a friend. We hit it off pretty well when we met but she left, we never exchanged information, and I was content with that, but then she pursued me. It was very flattering I had not had a girl take the initiative in a long time. So we hooked up and before even a month into the relationship she was talking about marriage. I did the typical male thing and said sure, I'll think about it. Maybe in after a year together. Turns out she is an illegal alien. So now I've instantly got suspicions on why she wants to marry me. She never met my family, it's not like she knew I have a wealthy family, though I am not personally wealthy. Three months down the road she is arguing with me about how I am bad and I don't want her to have her green card and I don't care about her blah blah blah. I'm not one to get strong-armed by such tactics, and I tell her it's not my f-ing problem that she dropped out of school and let her student visa lapse, and that she needs to see about getting it re-instated somehow. She absolutely refuses telling me there is no way she has already looked into it and it won't happen to which I respond, I don't know about immigration issues you need to show me, thats the least you can do, it's not my responsibility. She doesn't do anything. Next thing I know she is giving me the marriage song and dance again and I find ourselves at a notary filling out a marriage license application.

I wrongly assumed I had a back door. I thought the marriage would need to be indemnified by a court appointee or justice of the peace or priest or a ship captain or something. I just wanted to get her off my back for a little bit.

We are living in Hollywood CA at the time together and both of us are partying like rock stars. Both of us are making enough money to live comfortably. She is working under the table as a dancer, sometimes topless mostly just bikini. I let that go though it's not my first choice for the type of girl I'd want to be with let alone bring home to meet the parents. I'm out partying one night and I'm rubbing elbows and actually bragging about what a good girlfriend I have when she calls, asks me to come home and some guy takes the phone from me and starts making rude comments to her. I don't even know this prick so I try to comfort her and tell her I'm coming home that instant, and I do. I get to our apartment and she is throwing my things out the front, I take it in stride, all up until she starts getting physical. 

I take my licks from her until finally she starts pulling my hair and smacking me around to the point I have to defend myself. Cops came and asked me why I was all scratched up and bruised. I didn't hit her, I subdued her at one point and even avoided the temptation of headbutting her and smashing her face in when she spit at me when I held her down to keep her from hurting me any more... Anyways, for some reason my sympathetic sucker came out. I knew if I said she had hit me, she'd get deported. No need for all that. Just get rid of her later on. At least thats what I thought.

I'm just destroyed by all this, not one day before I had told her about how my father was abusive to my mother and vice versa and I don't want anything like that in my life and any type of physical violence really puts me on edge. I opened up this part of my life to her because the day before she had been throwing dresser drawers around the room because she was mad at me for some petty grievance. Now she has gone and commited to the one act I said I have no tolerance for. 

I'm resolved in my manner, it was a simple matter of getting her to leave or making arrangements to leave myself. We argue we fight some on the topic and I tell her how she betrayed me the very first time I opened up to her about something that mattered to me more then anything and basically F you, I'm out. She pleads with me and says "aren't you my husband?" I laugh and say no are you kidding I wouldn't marry you especially now, she insists that we are married, and then pulls out a confidential marriage certificate that had been mailed to our apartment. I'm shocked, thinking to myself God you idiot you think you're so damn smart how did you get yourself into this?

She begs and pleads with me and somewhere I fold, and just figure I'll wait it out and divorce her... But now she's pregnant. You idiot! Some of it I know I was doing it to myself but anyways the long and the short of it is I decided I did like something about her, and I should at least try to make it work, after all we were gonna be parents and this kid deserved more then a couple of knucklehead parents who quit before we ever got out the gates. I made the decision. I decided to do everything I could to make it work.

I tell her she has to quit dancing. I don't want her in that enviornment anymore, there are too many dirtbags coming around the money is too easy, it is spoiling you, and I don't want our childs mother to be one step above a prostitute. She agrees and for the next 9 months doesn't work. I'm happy to be the breadwinner so long as she is not dancing, but now the arguements are about me being taken advantage of by my job spending too many hours away from home to which I reply It's what's paying the bills deal with it, and enjoy our time together that we do get. I don't think I had a day off without an arguement from her the entire time she was pregnant and the first three months after she gave birth.


She still doesn't have her green card, we still have a lot of issues we are working through but slowly, and many times painfully making progress. L.A. is getting too scandalous and I decided to move the family back to where we would have more familial support in Northern California. Our kid is six months old now, I land a good job in the north that will be enough for us to continue living, even better then we had in L.A. Life is good, and I think damn we need to get that green card and we will be living off the fat of the land! She is going stir crazy too and wants to do something with her life and I don't blame her. So my folks split the costs for an immigration attorney with her folks. We were not doing that much better then we were in L.A. but I digress. 


I'll just cut to the chase and shorten this up hopefully without leaving too many unanswered questions, but she has been able to work since December of '08 and had not done anything. She took CNA courses, but never took the test to get her certification. I ask her about this stuff infrequently enough to not be smothering or overbearing but she doesn't do anything about it. Even simple stuff like going to the DMV and getting her Identification, she won't do. I have to hold her hand with every thing. She won't go out and take any initiative. She gets money from her parents every month and never discloses the amount to me, unless I spawn a financial argument, so I know it is anywhere between $200-$700 a month, of which I don't see any. I pay all the bills because every two or three months I'd get a bill that was hers and she had no money to pay it, that she had neglected for three months. I couldn't save any money for our future let alone our childs future like this. I couldn't budget our expenses properly. I'd get a thousand saved up minus our monthly expenses only to have her drop 2 two hundred dollar bills on me. So now I pay for nearly everything and she gets spending money from her parents. She only pays the bills when I tell her she has to. She still has an overdrafted account at the bank that needs to be reconciled.


Beyond that she has helped make my credit which was undergoing repair and on it's way to being loan worthy worse then ever. She somehow was able to put a land line phone in my name when we were in Los Angeles and never paid that bill when she racked up a $150 bill calling her family in her home country. And when I lost my Job in LA and unemployment had not kicked in yet, and our sleazy apartment manager would not return my calls. She had over $3000 saved up that she could have helped pay the rent. I was only out of work for one month then and suddenly we are losing our apartment she is pregnant and my credit is going to ****. I'm very angry about this she is not honest with me about her finances, never has been and now that she can work she doesn't

I've put aside a lot of my personal goals to keep this family going but I can't afford to do it anymore. She is pregnant again and still not doing anything to contribute financially. I want to go back to school so I can get a better paying job to provide for my family but she is not doing anything to help... 

I can go back to school, I can get the degree I want. Thats not the issue. I can't do it with her draining my savings constantly. I can support our kids, but not her too. I don't know what to do short of divorcing her, it's not as if I have not expressed th is to her that she needs to do something. But if I tell her anything I'm met with resistance and if I do nothing the status quo is not breeched. She spends most of her time on the computer. She doesn't clean the house or do the laundry. She will after a month long funk contest, but seriously, what the ****! If all you are doing is sitting at home all frigging day long watchign the kid I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect to come home to a clean apartment with clean dishes to eat off of. If you were working I'd understand why the house is how it is but you're not, and beyond that I worry about our childs development because she doesn't take her out to parks or.... anyways, there are a lot of details, too many to list. 

Please ask any questions you may need to offer any advice that I am soliciting you for. Thanks in advance.

WTFman


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

While i dont think your requests for a clean house when you come home is unreasonable, you're going to have to take into account the type of women you married. i dont mean that in any derogatory way, what i mean is from the sound of things she is just not a house wife. It sounds like you are asking her to be someone she is not. I think you need to step back, stop demanding things, and just start observing who she is. 

For example, in the beginning you told her you never wanted violence in the relationship, while she's throwing things around. That doesnt make a lot of sense. From the beginning you keep telling her you dont want things (violence, marriage), and then you accept them anyway. You continually accept behaviors you do not want. You're going to have to take a step back and realize what you really want. Actions speak louder then words. You are saying one thing but your actions are suggesting you dont really care about what you are saying.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Isn't it just amazing how one day you can be partying and the next day you are a married man with one baby and another on the way?
Questions: 
Did you know she was illegal before you married her?
Have you always been a pushover for a pretty face and sad story?
You were doing so WELL until you married her!
Were you drunk or loaded when you married her?

My own son is my experience:
First time: 
Our government's (and immigration bleeding heart liberal's) infinite "wisdom" ALLOWS "children" of illegals in our schools. At SIXTEEN a NINETEEN year old illegal high school "girl" gives my (virginal) son "sob" story. I end up months later, finding him at HER parent's (also illegal) apartment, in the illegal girl's bed. I drag his rear home. I show up at the illegal's apartment and tell them (mother of said girl could not speak English but father understood "illegal" "underage" and "authorities". My son tells me "she loves me and wants to have a family with me...". OMG! He WAS smart enough to LISTEN to ME when I gave him the "always use condoms talk" when he was 12. Good boy.

SECOND ILLEGAL woman trying to get green card via my son's sperm:
Online foreign COLOMBIAN girl woos my son at age 18.5. She is poor, she wants college, she wants HOT water with her showers, she wants nice clothes. She is BEAUTIFUL girl. AND she LOVES America. My SON is the land of opportunity!

My son has been "had" by not one, but TWO immigrant wanna-bees. My son has a soft heart for a sob story, too, he is into "international relations" so to speak. 

THEY WANT GREEN CARDS!!!!

You need to SEE an immigration LAWYER or a DA regarding your being duped. We had a LONG talk with immigration attorney. Very enlightening....FRAUD comes to mind. FRAUD to obtain a GREEN CARD via ovaries is ILLEGAL.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Oh, and IF her visa expires all you need to do is buy her a plane ticket, take her to the airport and show the ticket AND her EXPIRED paperwork to TSA.

They will do the rest for you. Babies or no babies. Hard as it sounds, you may have to keep the babies for her while SHE is in her HOME country with an attorney getting HER immigration status straightened out at HER embassy.

VISA paperwork is more expensive these days...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

this brings to mind that saying that goes something like:

you cant make a ho, into a housewife.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

preso said:


> this brings to mind that saying that goes something like:
> 
> you cant make a ho, into a housewife.


:smthumbup:

Yup. Dancing half naked is much more interesting than cleaning a toilet, mopping floors, and listening to babies cry at 2a.m.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Yup. Dancing half naked is much more interesting than cleaning a toilet, mopping floors, and listening to babies cry at 2a.m.


yeah :rofl:


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## Ayan (Nov 26, 2011)

If i were you i would 

-divorce her if the marriage was even legal to begin with
-take one child in my custody 
-move farrrr away from her asap


you deserve much better, you seem like a really nice guy who has sacrificed a lot for a family he didn't even want.


****stop having sex with her , you don not need to be bringing anymore children into this mess ! 

Goodluck !


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Ayan said:


> If i were you i would
> 
> -divorce her if the marriage was even legal to begin with
> -take one child in my custody
> ...


:iagree:


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