# Female Coworker Texting My Boyfriend



## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

So I just want to see if I'm overreacting here or if my boyfriend is trying to play innocent here.
I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. Things have been going really well. He's been super open with me about his friends, family, past relationships, etc. He has gone into lots of details about all of this and has been very transparent.

We went on vacation and were using his phone for GPS. A text came in from a woman that showed there was an image. I didn't look at the image, but asked "Who is Sarah"? He immediately froze up while driving and was silent the rest of the drive even though he was quite talkative before. I didn't want to ruin the date, so I let it go and looked her up when we got back to the hotel. It was someone at his same workplace.

When I confronted him about it he said she was a coworker. I asked to see the texts and he said he always deletes them. RED FLAG

Here are the facts that I learned after weeks of asking about this and her texts coming through during this time:
1. He never mentioned this girl to me at all
2. She texted him regularly
3. He deletes all of their texts
4. He claims he never replies (I doubt she's texting into the air)
5. She never texts about work-related subjects
6. She complains about how awful her boyfriend is (who also works at their job)
7. He refused to put boundaries until I gave an ultimatum

He said that she had no interest in him and she's just weird. To me, she was coming on to him slowly, but surely. Also, if she was just a "friend", he wouldn't have kept her a secret. He blabbed so much about everyone else.

Am I the crazy one or was he liking the attention and wanted to have his cake and eat it? He has cut her off completely, but I don't like how he handled the situation - very defensive.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Trust your gut, from what you've written seems fishy 🐟


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

GW,

You wrote *6. She complains about how awful her boyfriend is (who also works at their job) *

That's such a classic cheater tactic , run down their current spouse or so, eventually your bf will start to complain about you, then they bond over mutual scorn for their so's escalating into hatered.

Then after getting your bf she will start the cycle with someone else a year later.

All the other points are red flags too.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He’s lying. The reaction he had on the date when her text came in—/ busted.

cheaters lie. They never own their stuff.

next move: dump.

sorry


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

How can he have cut her off completely if they work together?


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> How can he have cut her off completely if they work together?


She works in his department, but not directly with him. She's on a sister team.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Also, when he did tell her to stop contacting him she was outraged. She was asking why and what's wrong with me (guessswho123). She waited a couple of weeks and then tried to contact again like nothing happened (he stopped deleting and showed me the texts after I saw that first one on vacation), so she doesn't seem so "innocent" and "not interested" to me. He said that she's autistic and doesn't know what she's doing (oh please). She seems to have given up now, but it makes me wonder who else I don't know about. I think I've just lost trust.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

guesswho123 said:


> Also, when he did tell her to stop contacting him she was outraged. She was asking why and what's wrong with me (guessswho123). She waited a couple of weeks and then tried to contact again like nothing happened (he stopped deleting and showed me the texts after I saw that first one on vacation), so she doesn't seem so "innocent" and "not interested" to me. He said that she's autistic and doesn't know what she's doing (oh please). She seems to have given up now, but it makes me wonder who else I don't know about. I think I've just lost trust.


He is right in that autistic people struggle with knowing what is and isn't appropriate. 
My step son is autistic and he has done and said all sorts of inappropriate things.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> He is right in that autistic people struggle with knowing what is and isn't appropriate.
> My step son is autistic and he has done and said all sorts of inappropriate things.


Okay. That makes sense, but there's no way for me to verify that it's true. I guess I don't know enough about autism and I'm a very skeptical person. Thanks for the feedback though!


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Ok, lets play pretend here for a couple of seconds and everything he says on this is truthful (I say pretend but you and everybody else here knows he is full of ****). He didn't tell you it was happening, yet he deleted the texts. He didn't tell you even though he knew it was over the line. Let that sink in a second.









He is already hiding things from you. That is not transparent. This is only 9 months, I shudder to think what you will find after 9 years and 2 kids later. You probably love this guy, I am sorry. Cutting your loses now is the only thing that makes sense. You have listened to him when he has told you who he is, I suggest you listen even more carefully now that he has SHOWN you who he is. It may hurt really bad right now but imagine in the future when you have put in so much more of yourself.


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## Pip’sJourney (Mar 17, 2021)

Always trust your gut.. as others said there is probably something more there. Does he delete all texts from everyone? Is he willing to retrieve the deleted texts?(I would try) It is positive that he showed you everything after getting caught. He needs to be 100 percent honest from here on out and do everything to build your trust back.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

I'm not buying it. She's probably attractive and that's why he gave her his number. The autistic thing is just to try and reverse things so you feel bad.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

He said that she got his number from the corporate directory (my number is public at my job too). Apparently, she's been texting him for at least a year before he even met me. I agree with you guys though. My gut tells me he's full of it and it's no way for me to get around that even on the off-chance that he's being truthful. The bottom line is he hid her, point blank period, autistic or not. Also, I'm sure he didn't mind the attention and didn't want to turn off that faucet.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

guesswho123 said:


> Okay. That makes sense, but there's no way for me to verify that it's true. I guess I don't know enough about autism and I'm a very skeptical person. Thanks for the feedback though!


That‘s also become a convenient excuse for a lot of behavior these days so I wouldn’t put much faith in that being true.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Pip’sJourney said:


> Always trust your gut.. as others said there is probably something more there. Does he delete all texts from everyone? Is he willing to retrieve the deleted texts?(I would try) It is positive that he showed you everything after getting caught. He needs to be 100 percent honest from here on out and do everything to build your trust back.


He said he deletes texts from everyone, but I wasn't checking his phone before to validate that. Now there aren't any texts from others, but he could have just started doing that to back up his story.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

The best description of cheating I’ve ever heard came from a guy here on tam. He said “doing anything that you wouldn’t want your partner to know about” is cheating. 
And he’s dead right.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

9 months, forget it. Move on. He's lying.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You can always ask her boyfriend.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Something about the way the brains of autistic people are wired, they perceive the world differently & often struggle with social cues, norms & conventions. 

This interaction is definitely something to keep your eye on. It could be innocent but your BF's actions & reactions are part of the problem. They exacerbated your concerns rather than put your mind at ease. His behavior makes him look guilty. 

In your shoes I would suggest to your BF that you go on a double date with Sarah & her guy. If she sees the visual of you & him happy together, that may help her to back off. If your BF balks at the idea of you & Sara interacting, that would be a bad sign. If all is above board he should be happy that you want to befriend his work mate.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Openminded said:


> That‘s also become a convenient excuse for a lot of behavior these days so I wouldn’t put much faith in that being true.


True but those with autism don't act the way others do.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> Something about the way the brains of autistic people are wired, they perceive the world differently & often struggle with social cues, norms & conventions.
> 
> This interaction is definitely something to keep your eye on. It could be innocent but your BF's actions & reactions are part of the problem. They exacerbated your concerns rather than put your mind at ease. His behavior makes him look guilty.
> 
> In your shoes I would suggest to your BF that you go on a double date with Sarah & her guy. If she sees the visual of you & him happy together, that may help her to back off. If your BF balks at the idea of you & Sara interacting, that would be a bad sign. If all is above board he should be happy that you want to befriend his work mate.


Unfortunately, I'm the bad guy now. He has cut her off and she was very upset about it from what I read. I'm "insecure and controlling". I don't let him have "friends". I don't think she would be open to a double date.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> True but those with autism don't act the way others do.


I know. But I don’t think as many people actually have it as is claimed by others when referencing their behavior.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

guesswho123 said:


> So I just want to see if I'm overreacting here or if my boyfriend is trying to play innocent here.
> I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. Things have been going really well. He's been super open with me about his friends, family, past relationships, etc. He has gone into lots of details about all of this and has been very transparent.
> 
> We went on vacation and were using his phone for GPS. A text came in from a woman that showed there was an image. I didn't look at the image, but asked "Who is Sarah"? He immediately froze up while driving and was silent the rest of the drive even though he was quite talkative before. I didn't want to ruin the date, so I let it go and looked her up when we got back to the hotel. It was someone at his same workplace.
> ...


You are not crazy. Your BF is hiding this relationship. Red flag all day. At this juncture your BF has failed at the dating game. He is not marriage material at this time and maybe never. He is lying to you. A huge concern. I think you might consider fining another. This individual is not trust worthy.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

guesswho123 said:


> Unfortunately, I'm the bad guy now. He has cut her off and she was very upset about it from what I read. I'm "insecure and controlling". I don't let him have "friends". I don't think she would be open to a double date.


Nope, you BF is the lying individual making poor choices.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

guesswho123 said:


> Unfortunately, I'm the bad guy now. He has cut her off and she was very upset about it from what I read. I'm "insecure and controlling". I don't let him have "friends". I don't think she would be open to a double date.


Then freaking bravo on your part. Your bf is sketchy and I’d worry about his loyalty and trustworthiness.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Wishing you could post a picture of the “autistic “ coworker. I’ll bet she’s attractive.
Anytime a guy starts this bs about how she’s ugly, she’s autistic, she’s crazy, she’s a lesbian, etc etc—-doesn’t pass the stink test. She’s in your phone and you’re texting her back——she’s got some quality he likes, right?

awwwww, he’s just trying not to hurt her feewings. He’s just being fwendwy. Yeah, my bs meter just pegged out.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Wishing you could post a picture of the “autistic “ coworker. I’ll bet she’s attractive.
> Anytime a guy starts this bs about how she’s ugly, she’s autistic, she’s crazy, she’s a lesbian, etc etc—-doesn’t pass the stink test. She’s in your phone and you’re texting her back——she’s got some quality he likes, right?
> 
> awwwww, he’s just trying not to hurt her feewings. He’s just being fwendwy. Yeah, my bs meter just pegged out.


If she wasn't at least bangable, her number would have been blocked.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Wishing you could post a picture of the “autistic “ coworker. I’ll bet she’s attractive.
> Anytime a guy starts this bs about how she’s ugly, she’s autistic, she’s crazy, she’s a lesbian, etc etc—-doesn’t pass the stink test. She’s in your phone and you’re texting her back——she’s got some quality he likes, right?
> 
> awwwww, he’s just trying not to hurt her feewings. He’s just being fwendwy. Yeah, my bs meter just pegged out.


You guys are CORRECT. I looked her up on Facebook after I got back to the hotel and she is young and attractive. She wasn't too autistic to get his phone number and text him behind her boyfriend's back. Most guys don't befriend unattractive women. Give me a break!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

guesswho123 said:


> You guys are CORRECT. I looked her up on Facebook after I got back to the hotel and she is young and attractive. She wasn't too autistic to get his phone number and text him behind her boyfriend's back. Most guys don't befriend unattractive women. Give me a break!


Well, sorry but your dude has himself a work Gf.
Sounds like she’s a real ***** too! So if you dump him, at least take solace in the fact that his stupid ass will probably date her and get his just reward for being a dumb boundaryless cheater. 
Seriously, I know this is hurtful. I’m sorry. It’s just so absurd what people actually say in these situations.

That being said, an attractive coworker giving attention is quite a fun ego boost and super tempting. He DID tell her he can’t talk and she got pissed. A total serial cheating jerk wouldn’t have made her mad, he’d have kept it on the downlow. Which he may still do.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Sucks you are going through this but you know the truth about where you stand in the relationship. You know now he had a backup (_or replacement if she broke up with her bf_) and like Evinrude said, him going with her unstable azz will be a perfect reward.

Based on the history, I doubt they'll stop talking. It just won't be over text.

Best of luck going forward.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Well, sorry but your dude has himself a work Gf.
> Sounds like she’s a real *** too! So if you dump him, at least take solace in the fact that his stupid ass will probably date her and get his just reward for being a dumb boundaryless cheater.
> Seriously, I know this is hurtful. I’m sorry. It’s just so absurd what people actually say in these situations.
> 
> That being said, an attractive coworker giving attention is quite a fun ego boost and super tempting. He DID tell her he can’t talk and she got pissed. A total serial cheating jerk wouldn’t have made her mad, he’d have kept it on the downlow. Which he may still do.


I am 100% with you. I think what pushed her to text so much more was COVID. He's been working remotely since COVID started. What I really think happened is in his dating years, he was talking to many women, this coworker being one of them. I arrived in the middle of her operation to get him and here we are now. He didn't mention her because he knew it was inappropriate and liked the attention and knew that I would demand that he cut her off. From her texts, I don't think anything happened, but she absolutely was trying to take it there. He said she didn't mean anything, but I'm a woman, I know. We're not just going to just say "come and get it". Most women like this have an insidious approach.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Hi, one question “Do you think you can trust him in the future?”.

If not, I would cut and run. It has only been 9 months and you are already playing police woman.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Harold Demure said:


> Hi, one question “Do you think you can trust him in the future?”.
> 
> If not, I would cut and run. It has only been 9 months and you are already playing police woman.


This is everything in a nutshell.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Hi, one question “Do you think you can trust him in the future?”.
> 
> If not, I would cut and run. It has only been 9 months and you are already playing police woman.


I honestly don't think so. He only started showing me stuff after he was caught. Even if he is honest going forward, I won't ever think he really is. I see that he is capable of deception for a long period of time. He may have been doing it to avoid problems, but it created bigger problems. He said by ignoring her, he thought she would go away. He should have been proactive before and set explicit boundaries and not just ignore.


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## /ˌlaNG ˈzīn/ (Sep 5, 2021)

I am 17 years into a relationship that began like this and boy o' boy you're in for a real treat if you stick around because the lies, betrayals and BS do not stop there. 

Good luck to you, I have a feeling you're going to make the right decision


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

guesswho123 said:


> Also, when he did tell her to stop contacting him she was outraged. She was asking why and what's wrong with me (guessswho123). She waited a couple of weeks and then tried to contact again like nothing happened (he stopped deleting and showed me the texts after I saw that first one on vacation), so she doesn't seem so "innocent" and "not interested" to me. He said that she's autistic and doesn't know what she's doing (oh please). She seems to have given up now, but it makes me wonder who else I don't know about. I think I've just lost trust.


Bunny Boiler.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

guesswho123 said:


> Unfortunately, I'm the bad guy now. He has cut her off and she was very upset about it from what I read. I'm "insecure and controlling". I don't let him have "friends". I don't think she would be open to a double date.


Ask him if you can have 'friends'?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

He’s defensive, secretive. Dump now. Save some pain.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

guesswho123 said:


> Unfortunately, I'm the bad guy now. He has cut her off and she was very upset about it from what I read. I'm "insecure and controlling". I don't let him have "friends". I don't think she would be open to a double date.


_sigh_ yet another person being accused of "controlling" 

It isn't controlling for you to have standards. Controlling would mean that your BF doesn't have options and has to do what you say. Have you done that? Have you held a gun to his head and said "you can't have friends"?

My guess is no. My guess is that you gave him options. If you are faithful to me and only me, then I continue to date you. If you want to play the field and do whatever you want, cool. There's the door. 

Sounds like two distinct options that your BF can choose on his own. Not sure I where the "control" is.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

guesswho123 said:


> I honestly don't think so. He only started showing me stuff after he was caught. Even if he is honest going forward, I won't ever think he really is. I see that he is capable of deception for a long period of time. He may have been doing it to avoid problems, but it created bigger problems. He said by ignoring her, he thought she would go away. He should have been proactive before and set explicit boundaries and not just ignore.


He has shown you that he hides conversations with girls. He tells lies, and then blames her for anything that might be construed as shady behavior on his part. (If she was autistic and naïve and he had no interest in her, he would have told you about it the first time she contacted him.) I think you’ve seen all you need to see, he failed his tryout. Pull the plug.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

guesswho123 said:


> So I just want to see if I'm overreacting here or if my boyfriend is trying to play innocent here.
> I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. Things have been going really well. He's been super open with me about his friends, family, past relationships, etc. He has gone into lots of details about all of this and has been very transparent.
> 
> We went on vacation and were using his phone for GPS. A text came in from a woman that showed there was an image. I didn't look at the image, but asked "Who is Sarah"? He immediately froze up while driving and was silent the rest of the drive even though he was quite talkative before. I didn't want to ruin the date, so I let it go and looked her up when we got back to the hotel. It was someone at his same workplace.
> ...


Lot's of red flags. I'm glad you are able to recognize and acknowledge they exist so early on into the relationship. Most people would overlook those, so I'm impressed. 

He's clearly not being honest about her. If someone doesn't respond to texts, the sender would stop sending after a time. He's deleting the texts b/c there are questionable things on there. 

The fact that he wasn't willing to put boundaries up right away, is very telling. I might not continue with this relationship. You're only dating now. It'll be much worse if you marry this guy.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

So many people later think - 'If I only knew my spouse would be like this early on...." 

Consider yourself lucky and dump & run. You've been given a huge gift by figuring this guy out at this stage.


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## Savannah01 (Sep 8, 2021)

We can all agree people to tend to lie about situations happening with other people tend to not be so innocent — if you confronted him and he is defensive , sorry but that is classic cheater mode ( whether it is so in this case or not ) people who have nothing to hide will never be on the defense .. that I think is just a tell sign for the books


guesswho123 said:


> So I just want to see if I'm overreacting here or if my boyfriend is trying to play innocent here.
> I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. Things have been going really well. He's been super open with me about his friends, family, past relationships, etc. He has gone into lots of details about all of this and has been very transparent.
> 
> We went on vacation and were using his phone for GPS. A text came in from a woman that showed there was an image. I didn't look at the image, but asked "Who is Sarah"? He immediately froze up while driving and was silent the rest of the drive even though he was quite talkative before. I didn't want to ruin the date, so I let it go and looked her up when we got back to the hotel. It was someone at his same workplace.
> ...


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

Leaving him is the best option and you have been dating for less than a year. 
I don't think her being autistic is a lie or not because the issue is your BF having poor boundaries and lying.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Thank you all. It's good to have people validate what you're already thinking. I'm going to break up with him. Like you all said, I'm not invested enough to deal with this stress in the future. It's just not worth the trouble. I appreciate you all so much!


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

guesswho123 said:


> Thank you all. It's good to have people validate what you're already thinking. I'm going to break up with him. Like you all said, I'm not invested enough to deal with this stress in the future. It's just not worth the trouble. I appreciate you all so much!


Smart move... short term pain, long term gain. You'll be better off....


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

guesswho123 said:


> Thank you all. It's good to have people validate what you're already thinking. I'm going to break up with him. Like you all said, I'm not invested enough to deal with this stress in the future. It's just not worth the trouble. I appreciate you all so much!


Did you pull the plug? How did he respond?


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

GC1234 said:


> Did you pull the plug? How did he respond?


I did go through with it and it did not go well. He tried to explain how he never did anything and he just didn't know how to handle the situation. He apologized for not handling it better and all of a sudden he knew all of the things that he should have done. He promised to be transparent with everything going forward (and he has been), but my mind is too messed up. I'm not a trusting person to start with, so once you betray what trust I did have, it's hard for me to go forward and be at peace with the situation. 

He said I should have fully trusted him to handle the situation and did not need to give an ultimatum. He didn't like how I was willing to leave if he didn't comply and how controlling that is. 
Whatever. He said he thought she would get the point when he was ignoring the messages and that she would just go away on her own. He didn't want to confront her or get her upset since she works in his department. He said that since she has autism, she doesn't take hints and has poor boundaries (he should have never entertained her then, but I guess he was a free, single man before).

Had he told me about this girl from the beginning (like he did everyone else), we wouldn't have even had this problem. He made the wrong decision.

I believe trust is earned. I do feel bad about it, and he does seem genuine, but I know myself. I'd always be questioning everything and be miserable. I do love him, but I think with my head and not my heart in all of my relationships. That's just how I am...


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Solid move, staying together would be clearly blowing past red flags, which never works out.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

guesswho123 said:


> I did go through with it and it did not go well. He tried to explain how he never did anything and he just didn't know how to handle the situation. He apologized for not handling it better and all of a sudden he knew all of the things that he should have done. He promised to be transparent with everything going forward (and he has been), but my mind is too messed up. I'm not a trusting person to start with, so once you betray what trust I did have, it's hard for me to go forward and be at peace with the situation.
> 
> He said I should have fully trusted him to handle the situation and did not need to give an ultimatum. He didn't like how I was willing to leave if he didn't comply and how controlling that is.
> Whatever. He said he thought she would get the point when he was ignoring the messages and that she would just go away on her own. He didn't want to confront her or get her upset since she works in his department. He said that since she has autism, she doesn't take hints and has poor boundaries (he should have never entertained her then, but I guess he was a free, single man before).
> ...


Damn, you’re a strong minded person. I’m jealous. I think you probably did the right thing. He knew better. He could have blocked her at any time. THAT would have given her the message.


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Damn, you’re a strong minded person. I’m jealous. I think you probably did the right thing. He knew better. He could have blocked her at any time. THAT would have given her the message.


Thanks. He gave me too much of a hard time, so defensive. Maybe I'd have more warmth if he was nicer about it in the beginning and if he was reassuring right away. It shouldn't have had to come down to an ultimatum for him to make some change.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

guesswho123 said:


> I did go through with it and it did not go well. He tried to explain how he never did anything and he just didn't know how to handle the situation. He apologized for not handling it better and all of a sudden he knew all of the things that he should have done. He promised to be transparent with everything going forward (and he has been), but my mind is too messed up. I'm not a trusting person to start with, so once you betray what trust I did have, it's hard for me to go forward and be at peace with the situation.
> 
> He said I should have fully trusted him to handle the situation and did not need to give an ultimatum. He didn't like how I was willing to leave if he didn't comply and how controlling that is.
> Whatever. He said he thought she would get the point when he was ignoring the messages and that she would just go away on her own. He didn't want to confront her or get her upset since she works in his department. He said that since she has autism, she doesn't take hints and has poor boundaries (he should have never entertained her then, but I guess he was a free, single man before).
> ...


He's feeding you bs because he knows you're walking away (assuming you did). The truth most likely is, he had no intention of putting a stop to it. Now that he's going to lose it all, 'you should have trusted him to do the right thing', but he didn't. And you most certainly shouldn't have to point it out to him. He is manipulative to the core. 

You made the right choice.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I don't know if the guy is going to hide things from you in the future. I might be the only one here to tell you to maybe give the guy another chance. People here have been through a lot of scarring while married and they are going to tell you to dump him right away. 

No one is perfect, every one makes mistakes. 

I understand he did wrong by not telling you about the autistic girl. This was a big mistake. If he does the right things from now on, why not giving him a second chance? The guy hasn't had a chance to redeem himself yet. 

From what you wrote, he didn't text anything inappropriate, he wasn't really replying back, he hoped the girl get the message and go away, he wasn't calling her. I think the guy wasn't sure about what to do since they work together, and she's autistic. Could his job be at risk if he said something at work?

It's up to you, but I would give the guy a second chance.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

guesswho123 said:


> _*He said he deletes texts from everyone, but I wasn't checking his phone before to validate that. Now there aren't any texts from others, but he could have just started doing that to back up his story.*_



LOL. This guy is *SUCH* a lying sack of ****.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

guesswho123 said:


> Thanks. He gave me too much of a hard time, so defensive. Maybe I'd have more warmth if he was nicer about it in the beginning and if he was reassuring right away. It shouldn't have had to come down to an ultimatum for him to make some change.


Now, you are the mean and controlling one because he doesn't have boundaries and doesn't know how to conduct himself in a relationship. It isn't his fault he's a pushover 🤮 - yeah, just no. 

You've saved yourself a ton of heartbreak down the road. Onward and upward.👍


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## guesswho123 (Sep 7, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> I don't know if the guy is going to hide things from you in the future. I might be the only one here to tell you to maybe give the guy another chance. People here have been through a lot of scarring while married and they are going to tell you to dump him right away.
> 
> No one is perfect, every one makes mistakes.
> 
> ...


Thanks a lot for a different perspective. I understand what you're saying. Yes, I can get that it would be risky to say something to a coworker, but it's not what you say, it's how you say it. He could have firmly and politely asked her not to text him anything unless it's work-related. When you don't say anything it's almost like silently giving permission.

Also, he really should have told me about this. He kept her a secret for a long time. That's the real problem. He deliberately did not tell me about someone who was texting him on a regular basis while he told me about others.

I know that everyone makes mistakes and chances are I'll run into problems with the next man, I just don't like how he didn't care about my feelings at the beginning. Had he apologized up front and took action right away, I might be singing a different song.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

guesswho123 said:


> I didn't look at the image, but asked "Who is Sarah"? *He immediately froze up *while driving and was silent the rest of the drive even though he was quite talkative before.


This tells you all you need to know about that relationship.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s a boyfriend, not a husband. He failed the test. You made the right choice.


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## Goobertron (Aug 14, 2012)

I don't think he did anything wrong really. He wasn't reciprocating at all from what you said. If she's autistic she may not be aware that she is over stepping social boundaries. Imagine if there was someone at work you knew had problems socialising with people and they reach out to you a little bit: do you encourage them? Or slap them on the wrist and tell them your controlling partner doesn't want you to talk to them? In a way he was just being a little too nice. Too bad, so sad.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

guesswho123 said:


> Thanks a lot for a different perspective. I understand what you're saying. Yes, I can get that it would be risky to say something to a coworker, but it's not what you say, it's how you say it. He could have firmly and politely asked her not to text him anything unless it's work-related. When you don't say anything it's almost like silently giving permission.
> 
> Also, he really should have told me about this. He kept her a secret for a long time. That's the real problem. He deliberately did not tell me about someone who was texting him on a regular basis while he told me about others.
> 
> I know that everyone makes mistakes and chances are I'll run into problems with the next man, I just don't like how he didn't care about my feelings at the beginning. Had he apologized up front and took action right away, I might be singing a different song.


I understand. Do whatever you think it's best for you. Good luck!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Al_Bundy said:


> If she wasn't at least bangable, her number would have been blocked.


This is spot on. If she were 30 years older than your boyfriend and ugly like a toad no way he'd put up the texting. He'd have blocked, gone cold, maybe even told HR.

He didn't, right? We all know why.


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