# I'm at home alone and he's out having a fantastic time



## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

On Christmas Eve last year, my stbxh's friend moved into our house after his relationship ended. It was at my suggestion. He had moved to Adelaide to be with this woman, and after 2 years together she cheated on him. He was so miserable that I offered for him to come and stay with us in Melbourne until he got on his feet. He agreed and said it would only be for 3 or 4 months. 

Problem. My husband is a showpony with an intoxicating desire to constantly perform and be noticed. With his best mate living in our house, he had a constant audience. Over the ensuing 8 long LONNNNGGGG months I became a highly strung, straightlaced, boring version of myself while my stbxh and his mate hammed it up and overdosed me on their childish toilet humour and drank themselves stupid. It became unbearable and I no longer recognised myself amid the stinky, testosterone-laden fog. 

I kept asking stbxh to talk to his friend. He was outstaying his welcome, and we were starting to have real trouble in the marriage and I found it impossible to communicate with my husband while his friend was around to influence him. Not to mention he stank and never ever cleaned his room. Eventually, my 'popular to everyone else but not to my own wife' fence-sitting husband told me I should be the one to say something, so I did. Within two weeks his friend moved out. We never charged him a cent and he still never cleaned his room.

Fast forward to now. I had to remove my stbxh from my Facebook. He's got hundreds of FB friends and when he says "I'm home alone, might just pour myself a red and watch a dvd", people all over the place say "poor you. Hope you're feeling better soon". And on Sat night I was having a look at his wall and a woman from his old highschool said "why did you cut your hair? You had such good hair. You so could have picked up at the reunion." Then some other woman said "he doesn't need great hair to pick up. Just look at his eyes. Of course he's going to pick up at the reunion with those eyes." Instantly I removed him. The next morning he texted me asking why I removed him, and asking me to put him back. I told him that keeping him on my FB was unhealthy for me. There are certain things I shouldn't see. He texted back saying that he knew a couple of women had said some things, but that he didn't like it and it made him 'feel cheap'. 

I'm still friends with his friend who lived with us. But now I think I'm going to have to remove him as well. He is officially a bachelor and living in a funky part of Melbourne and my stbxh spend alot of time with him. There are constantly new photos of them getting drunk together and little anecdotes about their good times out and it's p1ssing me off! While I'm sitting at home, trying to work out where I'm going with life, dealing with the big issues etc, he's out and about living it up, buying new clothes, getting drunk, meeting people who find him new and interesting and it simply sh!ts me to tears. Am I jealous? Yes, I suppose I am. I'm jealous that he can put everything aside and just focus on having a good time. I'm jealous that everyone thinks he's so bloody brilliant and such an all round nice guy and why would anyone want to break up with him. I'm jealous that he has a friend in the area (his friend lives fairly close to me) and they can go out together, spend money on having a good time and have enough to report on FB. 

So there. I'm being a child, aren't I? How dare he enjoy his life so much while I'm sitting here on an ugly chair, looking after our 2 cats who have more furniture than me, wearing a bra that's seen much better days and wondering when or if I'll be able to afford to replace it, while he's out buying a whole new wardrobe and galavanting all over the city and being adored by a whole new audience who JUST THINK HE'S FR1CKEN GREAT!!!!!!!!!!

It's jealousy, isn't it.


----------



## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

What about you? Do you have friends? Do you go out together with your husband? Looks like you don't have a social life, just stay home with your two cats.


----------



## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

I broke up with him 2 months ago and moved out of the house 5 weeks ago. 

I have no money to go out with and I feel as though he's flaunting all his money by buying new clothes and going out all the time. I can't stay out all night anywhere because of the cats. He's using his friend's new apartment as a bachelor pad. 

Of course I have friends, but I have no money to go out with and I can't have them at my place because it's embarrassingly bare. Plus, it's that difficult situation most married people find themselves in. I poured so much of my time and energy into the marriage that I became distant from my friends. Now that I've ended it with him, how could I expect my friends to just forget all that and go back to our single days together? It would seem as though I'm using them, which isn't my intention. I know the answer to that is that if they're my true friends they'll be there for me, and they really are, but I feel bad about it so I don't bother them.

I guess I'm just sh!tty because my stbxh seems to be living it up and getting sympathy from everyone and after forcing me to take such action as to end our relationship just through sheer stupidity and emotional laziness, I feel like his new social life is being rubbed in my face every time I log on to FB. I spoke to his friend on FB last night. I told him I had to remove him as a friend on FB. I said that I kept seeing pics of my stbxh laughing and having a great time and that he seemed to be living like a bachelor. I said I didn't begrudge him that, but that it was unhealthy for me to continue to see it and read about their antics. I asked how he'd feel if he kept seeing pics of his ex laughing and drinking and having a great time. He said "I guess so." So I removed him. I'm hoping I can get some kind of peace from doing this. These are the threads we hang on to when the rest of the fabric has disintegrated. I need to start thinking about getting some closure.

I feel so torn because he doesn't want it to be over, but I can't see it working in the long run. If there is to be any kind of reconcilliation, it would have to be very slow and careful. In the meantime, I'm going to plan a holiday just for myself. I think I am becoming a loner through all this. 

Sorry I'm such a whinger. I'm exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically at the moment and I keep saying things that contradict myself. One minute I feel like I've made the best decision, and the next I regret it.


----------

