# Pictuers and Videos, What to do with them?



## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

I've been struggling lately to make a huge personal decision. Some might have read my story already, but I was married for nearly 5 years. Unfortunately my wife confessed to having ulterior motives for marrying me and decided to part ways, come back, then ultimately leave forever. All while being really horrible to me during the last 2 years.

It's been a year since I've seen her, and almost a year since I made contact with her.

Now, I have hundreds of pictures and several videos. A few anniversary letters (the latter I parted with already). I'm having trouble making a decision. Before I continue I want to clarify, I have not looked at any pictures of videos of her since we last made contact almost a year ago. That being said, I think I need to let go of every picture and video I have of us, including our wedding, for the sake of truly starting over. However, while I don't feel any emotional attachment towards my ex-wife anymore, I value these items. 

They represent a part of my life. While my marriage turned out to be a sham, my feelings for her were very real. Family members that are no longer with me are in these media. My father will never get to see me kissing my bride again. But He, like other relatives that passed away are alive in my memories and in these pictures. 

Do you guys think its ok to keep them? Or is this just simply a remnant of being addicted to a Borderline ex? 

If I marry someone ever again, will it be offensive to them that I've kept a past life locked away in a box? 

The obvious question would be... If you're never going to open it... why keep it?

Well, one day I hope to be able to show my children and grandchildren the complete story of my life.

Any thoughts?


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## hitbyabrick (Nov 14, 2013)

This is something I've struggled with as well. I have to say though, good for you for not giving in to looking at old pictures of her. Every time I fell into that trap it was a rough time & I regretted it. 

I'd suggest that for any physical photos/albums/etc, box it up & leave it in a dark corner of the basement/closet/somewhere out of site. Anything digital, stick them in a zip file (password can help too), and leave it buried in a few subfolders. Again, out of site.

Maybe down the road you'll be in a better place to decide. If you decide to throw them out, you can just toss a box or delete a zip file, and not have to look at the pics. If you decide to keep them, you'll still have that option too. No immediate need to make a decision.

Someone else may have a better suggestion, but that's my course of action for now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since you don't have a strong feeling one way or the other right now, keep them. Not in the basement or garage because they will not hold up well with moisture or extreme heat/cold. But just something in house, maybe in the back of a closet.

You could go through them and take create albums with the photos that do not include her. Videos might be able to be clipped to exclude her.

One of my sister-in-law's does photo editing. One thing people pay her to do is to remove their ex from certain photos. They do a high resolution scan and she photo shops out the ex. She does a very good job of making the photo look like that's how the picture was taken. You might be able to find someone to do this on a few of the photos that are very special because of others who are in them.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I still have some stuff like that, mostly from the wedding. I made these scrapbooks, and I put a LOT of work into them, so I didn't want to just throw them away, plus another album of pictures that other people took, and the wedding video.

I discarded nearly all the other pictures, including some really nice picture frames that they were in.

But the stuff from the wedding is different. I have so many fond memories of that day that have NOTHING to do with my XH, but so much with my friends and family, who were there to support and love me when he no longer was. I can't selectively destroy/forget certain parts, and still retain the positive parts. So I still have them. Granted, they're packed away in the back of a closet. I haven't looked at them in a year and a half, and I probably won't look at them for a long time, but I don't think I'll get rid of them, either.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Just last week, I deleted all my FB photos that included him. I still have a lot of photos and love letters in storage. I keep telling myself I am too lazy and busy to get them out and destroy them but maybe I am not quite ready yet. 
I was married for 15 years, that is a long time worth of memories. 

I am very emotional today!!! I wanna cry just thinking about digging into the storage unit, finding those photos and love letters an burning them..... ugh.... can I pay someone to do that???


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I deleted the FB photos when it was clear that there would be no reconciliation, and deleted any pictures from my phone. Of course, with cloud storage backup, pictures keep popping up when I least expect them.

Like herpes 

You could pay someone to take care of the letters and pictures... or just leave them. Out of sight, out of mind. It will be easier to destroy them when you don't care about them at all.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I say keep for now. But as to your question about some future someone being offended - not most. Maybe some psycho jealous person but most, no.

I assume the men I meet have had relationships before - I'd be worried if they hadn't. And of course there will be photos, momentous and souvenirs of times together. As long as they aren't displayed or looked at all of the time, I have no problem with their existence. Especially if there are kids - I think it's nice to know that they came from a place of love even if the marriage ended.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I agree with deciding not to decide. Put the stuff in a box and pack it away. At some point in the future you may have a different perspective and the whole thing might be more benign.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Burn them. Make a party out of it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

When I moved out of the marital home, all of our pictures from our entire 20+ years together were still in a deep drawer under the coffee table. About 8 months after our divorce, I called up my ex-husband and told him I was coming over to go through them. So, I spent about 5 hours sitting on what used to be my rug, in front of what used to be my coffee table, on the floor of what used to be my home, going through what used to be my life. It was very, very, hard. But it was also time. 

I left him all of the pictures that were of just him or him and his friends or family. I took all the pictures that were of just me or me with my friends or family. The ones that had both of us, or showed one of us with our son, I just divided up as evenly as I could. We were each left with a decent record of our lives togehter, without it seeming like we were hanging on to old pictures of just the ex. 

My ex-husband's pictures are still in the drawer of the coffee table. I imagine his girlfriend will insist on throwing most of them away at some point. She's just that type. 

I put some of the pictures of me with our son out in frames to replace the "happy family" photos that I put away. The remainder of my pictures are in a box in the back of a closet - with my bridal portrait, wedding gown, and a few other mementos of my marriage - in case our son or grandchildren ever want them.


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

I appreciate everyone's feedback.

I guess I decided to keep them locked away as long as they never become an obstacle to move on with my life. It was very hard for me to collect everything and put it in a box in the first place. (I moved all digital media to a usb drive, and put that into the box as well).

As some have stated, maybe with time, or through the influence of a new relationship, my feelings on the matter might change. Until then, I will do my best to forget that said box even exists.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Go ahead and keep them. Box up what you can, save stuff off of the computer onto a jump drive, and tuck it away in the basement or attic or whatever. Keeping them doesnt mean you are obsessing or anything...this was part of your life and its ok to have the reminders tucked away somewhere.

OOPS we were posting at the same time it seems! lol


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

I have everything. Phone cards, letters, photos...,i am not giving those up.
It was a part of my life and I will be damned if I am erasing the happy because of the sad.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

I love the videographer suggestion. Bring all your videos and images to a company that makes slideshows and videos, and ask them to edit together something that features your father and other family members and removes all traces of your ex. Bring more files that aren’t related to your ex at all (baby pics of your dad!), and have the videographer use them as well. Then you come away with a selection of memories featuring your father, some of which happen to have been taken at your ill-fated wedding. When it’s done, you can safely delete and destroy the originals that feature your ex. You probably have other relatives who would be thrilled to donate their pictures and receive a copy of the end product, and help pay for the videographer. 

Later on, someday, if your future children are curious about this wife you once had, you can search Google image and Facebook for specific pictures of her. By then, it won’t be painful. 

Also – if you do keep them locked away in a box, a future spouse should be understanding that this was part of your life and not be offended, as that experience helped shape you into the man they love. If they are offended, that would be a red flag about THEM.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I deleted pictures of my ex wife giving birth to my boys.. I proposed to my Ex wife at a an award ceremony which was on the news, I tossed that in the garbage.. 

I kept a card with writing that my wife expressed how much she loved me and would work the rest of her life showing me how much she did after her first attempted affair.. 

I wanted to give it to her to let her how how much bullsh!t it was and that she could save it for her boyfriend.. I never gave it to her.. I eventually tossed that out was well.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I dont see anything wrong with keeping it.


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