# Craving More Diverse Sex Life



## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

Hello, 

I have been reading these forums for the past couple of months. I have found some useful advice here, so thank you all. This is my first post, so please bare with me as I let the story unfold.

First some stats:
Married: 9 years, both in our lower 40s, 2 kids under 7
I work from home, she works part time, 12 hours a week.
I am a good and decent husband. I am here for the kids every morning, every evening and on weekends.

Outside of our sexual relationship, we are very happy. She has told me as such.

So here is my "issue". I am unsatisfied with my sex life. 98% of the sex we have is me stimulating her manually until orgasm, then her on top until I finish.

The other 2% some other position.

In general, this is 5-10 minutes foreplay and then she is ready to get everything over with. 

I have asked to strecth it out, her response is "why?"

We have sex once a week which I initiate.

I know for some this seems like no issue. I understand why you think that. And I feel for those of you in your positions.

I have discussed with her my desires to have a more intimate sexual relationship ( I can give details later). I feel like it has fallen on deaf ears. She has said she has everything she needs. She is completely satisfied with what we have. Well I am not.

BTW, I would never go outside of the marriage.

At this point, I have to fulfill myself with fantasy, porn and masturbation. This seems like no way to go through a marriage.

I hope that this is not read as selfish post. I just feel like we could have so much more emotionally if our sex life was more diverse.

Thanks for reading


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## MrP.Bodybig (Jul 21, 2009)

I've noticed that sex that follows some romantic event is better than the rest, try something special, maybe youll get something special in return:smthumbup:


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

Funny thing...we were on a romantic getaway when I asked her to stretch it out more


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## laredo (Jan 23, 2010)

Ask her if you can bring another women into the mix.


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

That is totally out of the question, for me and her


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## laredo (Jan 23, 2010)

Star said:


> How open is she to new things? would she ever let you tie her up and blindfold her or would she be open to doing this for you if she did not want to be tied up?
> 
> Maybe you should try being a bit more forceful? getting her in the bedroom and telling her tonight babe it's gonna be different, I wanna take you from behind while you/I play with your Cl*T or throw a vibrator in the mix, would she run a mile if you approached her like this?


Well, you got me thinking


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

I think she would run a mile. She is rather shy, in and out of the bedroom. 

I have thought about the more forceful thing before. I think she would think I was being disrespectful.

Btw, she will not touch herself, so that is out too


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## Sun (Nov 23, 2009)

You did not say if she has always been like this or is this something that has started to develop over time? If she has always been like this then my guess is that it is something that is deep seeded in her from her childhood that sex is taboo and an act. She may feel that once the act is fulfilled her job is done. You comment about how she wont touch herself makes me think that way. She was probably told very young that touching is bad and it has stuck with her all these years. Now she feels self conscious and embarrassed to reach outside her comfort level. 

Do not push her to suddenly, for it may be hard for her to grasp, you need to try to introduce things to her very slowly and when she tries them let her know how special it was and do not make a big deal about it. Try directing her hand to touch herself or parts of you that you would like and see what what she does and let her know that you find it very arousing when she does it. 

If you are always the one pleasing her first then you have the upper hand. Mix up how you please her, change your routine and maybe she will follow.


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

She has been like this as long as I have know her. I have thought about the childhood. Her mother and father were very, very, very liberal and open. I am wondering if this actually led to her feelings now. Somehow she has made herself conservative sexually because of her childhood.

I have moved her hand to touch herself. She has opened up to touching her breasts, but she has to be really turned on. As far as touching herself below, whenever I move her hand that way, she pulls back. Says she is not interested in that. I have told how aroused I would be, that does not seem to matter. I shown her that I am more than willing to do to touch myself, but that also does nothing for her.

Do anyone think suggesting a book to her would work?


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

Yes she is not opposed to most of them, we do switch it up every once and a while. But 98% of the time it is her on top. I have to ask for a new position.

95% of time in the bed with lights out. I sometimes think she has body issues, but she is not shy about being naked in the morning when she is in the shower(its all glass) or when she is getting ready


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

dude, i feel your pain. cant really suggest anything to help. its just the way it is. i have a slightly different issue, my wife, on a rare occasion, is crazy wild during sex, most other times its pure vanilla yawner time. for a grand total of about 20 tmes a year, yippeee

its not only confusing but frustrating as hell


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## Sun (Nov 23, 2009)

From this womens point of most women I know do not like to see a man touch themselves, I do not know why maybe it makes them feel like they are not needed to arouse him. Have you tried watching videos together? Maybe something erotic but tasteful (they do exist) maybe it will open her up. 
I guess the main problem is - she does not think there is one.


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

Sun you are spot on. We have sex regularly and I think she thinks that is enough. It is enough for her.


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## Sun (Nov 23, 2009)

One thing I will add on a personal note - I consider myself very conservative in the bedroom but I am slowly learning to break out of it and experience new things, but with my ex whenever we would try new things or I would go outside my comfort level he would make comments about it the next day and it made me uncomfortable and made me self conscious about doing it again. So keep that in mind with her


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

Very good advice. Can I ask you why? What about it made you feel self conscious? Given that he said something nice


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## Sun (Nov 23, 2009)

I guess I can't explain it very well. It made me feel dirty and like he looked at me different. I know it is in my head but part of it could have been how he said it to me, like brushing up against me the next day and saying "I bet you would like me to that again or you know you liked it"


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Sun said:


> One thing I will add on a personal note - I consider myself very conservative in the bedroom but I am slowly learning to break out of it and experience new things, but with my ex whenever we would try new things or I would go outside my comfort level he would make comments about it the next day and it made me uncomfortable and made me self conscious about doing it again. So keep that in mind with her


i completely see that with my wife, no doubt about it. i truly think she actually regrets letting go (on the rare occasion). i do think she feels cheap and dirty. that could explain why it happens so rarely. i dont remind her of it though, i make no mention of it at all

its too bad because i see it as a positive and it makes me feel closer to her


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

Well I can understand that. That does not seem that loving to me. I guess it all about how we communicate.


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## laredo (Jan 23, 2010)

Are there many women who do not like to watch a man masturbate?


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## Rob2380 (Dec 21, 2009)

Star said:


> I can only answer this from my personal point of view, I actually like it and he often does it for me and vice versa, so I don't have a problem with it.


I'll answer for my wife since I know she thinks it's very exciting. Not something we do often, but it's a nice variation when we do it together facing each other. She has told me she likes to watch me do it.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

You MUST keep reassuring her that letting go is a beautiful thing and is between you two. Whatever happens between you two is not and could never be negative.
Make sure that the day after you reassure her, telling her how great she was and how much you appreciated her letting go ....she's awesome. (a w**re but an awesome one hahaha)

The dirtier she is, the more i LIKE it and love her.
Its SUCH a shame how some people are conditioned to have such a bad image of sex and play. 

I have to say that beyond the sex, the more you feel her letting go of her inhibitions for you makes one feel more loved and like a man than ever. Its pretty kool. 

KEEP PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES!!!!!
as they dont really exist.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> Yep doing it together can be good, but a one to one show can be really hot.
> 
> Sometimes while I'm giving oral I will sort myself out at the same time, it drives him insane as he really likes to watch me and by doing this he can look up and see me giving him head and me working my fingers on me at the same time and I love it too! everyones a winner!!


Sometimes I wish you would just go away!!!
GOD the visions. hahahahahah


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> Do men really feel more loved if the woman lets go of her inhibitions? why is this?
> 
> The dirtier HE is the more I like it!!!!


For me, any sharing of things held close makes me feel closer to her. That she's willing to let me in so to speak. Especially regarding sex, if she has inhibitions that for me, she is willing to let go of, simply makes me feel like the love for me is greater than the fear AND that there is a trust there.. Its all wound together, sex, love, trust etc.
Closeness to me is DEFINED by how much is shared. 


hahah I like your "HE" comeback.


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## Rob2380 (Dec 21, 2009)

63Vino said:


> For me, any sharing of things held close makes me feel closer to her. That she's willing to let me in so to speak. Especially regarding sex, if she has inhibitions that for me, she is willing to let go of, simply makes me feel like the love for me is greater than the fear AND that there is a trust there.. Its all wound together, sex, love, trust etc.
> Closeness to me is DEFINED by how much is shared.


Totally agree with this. Love it when she lets go.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> Or HER (sorry just had to clear that up)
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Maybe we should start a different thread. I could expand on my idea or what i mean. I would hate to interrupt a discussion on SEX!!


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

Quick update...I discussed what I have been feeling with my wife. She did agree that she does feel there is a part of her that is holding back. She is not sure why she feels this, but she does and has agreed to work on things. We have had two sessions since our discussion. 
She is more open to oral(both ways) because of the discussions


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

keefer said:


> Quick update...I discussed what I have been feeling with my wife. She did agree that she does feel there is a part of her that is holding back. She is not sure why she feels this, but she does and has agreed to work on things. We have had two sessions since our discussion.
> She is more open to oral(both ways) because of the discussions


Awesome!!!
Keep talking. And keep telling her how much you appreciate her efforts.... and how awsome she was last night!


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