# Is it weird I feel nothing after all the cheating?



## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Just wondering if this is weird or not...

I keep reading people write about how hurt they are by their spouse cheating.
Somehow I feel nothing.

I'm more angry about the other issues- emotional and physical abuse, financial abuse...

The serial cheating? I just don't feel the pain.

I'm not sure if this is a delayed reaction or what? We are going on separated for 1 year and I remember him admitting there had been strip clubs and other women. I felt it briefly then.. but now? I just don't care.


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## tug (Sep 1, 2013)

Deleted... apologies for not taking the time and reading the OP post more carefully


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

tug said:


> Bunny Im pretty much a newbie here but I would prepare myself for the worst in terms to your post. Most here dont join this forum because they neglected their S/O most come here for help and support because they've are having to suffer for no reason than their S/O's selfishness.
> 
> To answer your question I came across this
> 
> ...


:scratchhead:

Ummm, maybe I misread the OP, but I think THEY were cheated on and feel numb - not the perpatrator... 

And if I'm right about that, your post seems waaaay off base in this instance.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

I don't think tug read your post carefully.

Nothing weird about you at all. In the grand scheme of things, physically and emotionally abusing you did much greater harm to you. And the financial abuse has probably left you in a much worse financial situation as well. The harm that he did in those areas far outweighs the harm done by cheating.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you've got a lot of support; online support is great, but you need real world people to lean on, with as much as you've been through. Take care.


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## 4myson (Jul 17, 2013)

I think it's probably a case of emotional overload. You are processing the other abuses and there's just nothing left for the cheating. I felt like that for a short time because I had so much I was dealing with, a new baby, custody issues reopened by my other ex...etc. I went kind of numb. But unfortunately I came out of it and the pain caught up.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Nothing abnormal at all about the numbness. I think for those who are vested in the relationship and trying or wanting to work at it but get blindsided, the pain of betrayal can cut deep. Sounds like you were already cut and in a numb state and this was just a little more salt in the wound which due to the already-set-in detachment really didn't feel like much. It doesn't have to be a shock to the system to validate the pain you are suffering.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

To answer your question - what's to say who's feelings are valid? It's like, asking someone to define pain? Only you know what it's like. 

Whatever you're feeling about your own situation is totally valid and normal and not weird because they are YOUR feelings and it's your life. I don't know your original story but maybe the financial abuse, emotional abuse etc. were worse experiences for you than finding out about his multiple affairs. Depending on the severity, an outsider could even say that it would be worse. Only you know what you've been through.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I had a guy in counseling yesterday who has no sexual ability for years due to an illness. He said he believes his wife is cheating on him and does not care or blame her. 

I think a lot of it has to do with detachment.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Ha I read the psychopath traits and actually I am almost convinced my stbx exhibits a lot of them...

I feel emotions .. I feel hurt, betrayed, violated, ruined... all those things. But when I add the imagine of him being with other people (btw he is now engaged) I just can't feel anything like jealousy or a romantic hurt.

I wonder if maybe I am numb and if the other issues have just overloaded me.. and I'm worried that it's going to cause trouble in future relationships.

Maybe when someone beats you down so low where your focus is only survival (like where am I going to get food now that he took all the money) that I just can't focus on the magnitude of what he did.. maybe I'm just not in love with him like some posters are in love with their spouse.

I felt that SEVERE heart crippling hurt when he told me.. but now I'm very detached from it. 

I appreciate all the responses.. I really need to get past all this, this group has been so great, I actually got over some of my panic attacks (when he calls/texts) and have 2 interviews scheduled AND dinner with my bff (who I was isolated from)

I'm mad because I was supposed to file an OP Tuesday but my lawyer is MIA


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