# Help! I'm having a Money Meltdown



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

To all my friends of TAM help! I feel like I'm losing my mind, that I'm a complete loser. I will be 37 years old this year, I have two great kids, but I feel like I'm such a loser with money. I"m still paying off student loans from when I was 19 and 20 and I don't even have the degree. I"m going back to school on my employers's dime this time (thank god). Is it common to still pay off student loan debt at almost 37? That's one instance that I feel like a loser.

Second, since the divorce I have roughly $10000 in credit card debt, and I feel like I'm just barely surviving. I pay 25% in child support (which I have no problem with) but I"m just figuring out how not to be the paycheck to paycheck loser.

I feel like I can't really do anything with the kids. I can't take them on vacation, can barely afford to give them $10 for a book fair.

I'm going to be moving in with my girlfriend this summer, she loves my kids, has no kids of her own, she knows of my money struggles and doesn't judge me for it.

I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I work retail, work like 50 hours a week, and I feel like I'm always going to be a money loser!!!!

Seems like every two weeks I'm literally suviving on the last $5.00 I have until I get paid again.

If something were to happen to my car, I couldn't afford a car payment.

Am I unusually bad for this position in my life? I feel like I'm a horrible person and a failure.

-Proud


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I am right there with you. Money is a constant, non stop struggle for me. You will be lucky to move in with someone to share expenses.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

First off, check out David Ramsey and David Chilton's books. 

Second, start tracking where your money is going every month. Log every dollar spent. 

And while it's not unusual to be living paycheck to paycheck at 37, it's hardly a good thing. But the first step in fixing a problem is recognizing it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Hey Proud! Welcome to the club of $$$$$ issues post divorce!!!

I too have a lot of cc debt. I am making what strides I can, but you have to accept that it is going to take some time. I needed a new vehicle, because mine was shot at 190K miles, and didn't have jack to do anything with. I planned on taking a hit on my 401k, just to get a ride, and my dad was going to flip the initial bill for a new vehicle, and I pay him back with the 401k loan.
I'm 42, so having my dad help while being as grateful as I am, feel like a loser not able to or having had made decisions in the past that would allow me to take care of my own damn problems...
But the divorce was the big issue. we went thru marriage thinking there would be 2 incomes to handle all of this in projection... but surprise! Now its just ourselves.
I don't truly think, a situation like this is cause to call ourselves a loser, due to the situation we were put in by the divorce.

Man I cant believe you too are thinking along these lines... because I have literally spent the last six months on the exact same thought process. 
Ive been trying to make minimum payments on all the cards I have, except one that I am focusing on paying all my bonuses at year end, tax returns, and every little bit extra I can to wipe it off the table. Then, on to the next card. It is all I can do. 
Once headway is made, it frees up a little bit for splurges, a nice dinner, or a movie with the kiddo. 

HANG in there man. This is not going to last!!! It is just terribly difficult at the moment and sucks incredibly bad. 

You are not a loser by any means, in fact, the desire to pay your debts and how you care about your kids tells all. 

Praying for your situation.


Shoo.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Don't feel bad. There are always people in worse positions. My ex still had student loans (and never finished law school) when he was in his 40s. Finally his mother gave each son $20K and he paid his off and left mine (both were in arrears) so when we divorced I finally paid off the last $2K bit by bit. 

I just paid off all of my credit cards except one (woohoo) and that was a balance transfer at 0% interest for 18 months. Now I can do my bathroom remodel at 0% interest on Lowe's card.  My neighbor is a plumber so I'll pay the labor in cash but the rest I'll get at Lowe's and pay off over the year.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Proud,

This is another reason why divorce stinks, because people do better together with dual incomes. At least theoretically anyway.

My divorce has been empowering. My ex had me thinking I was a financial dummy. The truth was, she was controlling and manipulative. I somehow forgot that I had a life before we met. Maybe because it was my first marriage and her third.

Anyway, start feeling good about money. Develop a healthy attitude and relationship with it. Money is your friend if you respect it and treat it well.

Keep track of your spending. Monitor every transaction for one month. Create a budget and follow it on a spreadsheet or application. Identify all your debts. 

Once you identify how much you spend and on what, you can determine how to save money by reducing your spending. Any money saved by cutting costs should go towards reducing debt.

Pay off debts with highest interests rates first. If you have to use charge cards only utilize 30% of the credit available.

Don't worry too much about the student loans unless they are not Federal loans through the government. If they are, explore ways to put them into deferment. Federal student loans die with you when you pass away. So obviously they are a low priority.

Painful cuts could pay off big time if you're willing to make them. Cell phone, cable tv, internet, dinning out, coffee shop. If you can cut them all even for only a year you could direct that money towards debt reduction.

Skip the movies, got to the public library and borrow DVDs. Listen to the radio instead of purchasing Netflix. Sell your smartphone. If you do pay for these things, use them. Don't look for other things to entertain you that cost more money.

Eat at home. Read. Take a lunch to work. Drink water. I'm doing a lot of these things and I'm saving bucks and living better and dropping weight. 

I joined a gym. Free internet, tv, and all the exercise and equipment I want. I can go there as long and as often as I want. Free showers too. Eat at office parties. Seriously. Eat at church functions. I'm not proud, I'm divorced. I didn't ask for this, but I'm not begging on the street either.

Sell stuff. Cut ties and bonds with your clutter and get rid off it. eBay and Craigslist. If you have it, that means someone else might want it. Sell all your extra, unused stuff.

Move into a cheaper place to live. If not possible, get a roommate. Or live with family and friends.

Improve your credit. Diversify your credit lines from multiple sources. Improve your income. If you can't look at your check and reduce your deductions if possible. Work overtime if it's available. Or get a second job.

Watch how you save. Money market IRAs offer better interest rates than savings accounts. If you have any savings consider a CD for a short term investment. Plan your future and budget for retirement.

Watch you fees. Avoid things and activities that charge a fee, surcharge, or tax. 

The point is you need more money, and you need to spend less of what you earn at the same time.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Use coupons when you shop. 

Don't shop for food when you're hungry.

Eat everything you buy. Don't shop for groceries until everything is gone from fridge, freezer and shelves.

Plan your meals in advance and buy only what you plan on eating.

Use public transportation. Car share.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Hey Proud 

All good advice given so far, and of course you're not a loser. Do you know how many people don't pay child support? 

Most people I know live payday to payday, whether or not they earn good money. You have a job and a sensible attitude to money which is the best start

Do keep a spending log and put it on a spreadsheet - it's boring but it works, I know every penny I'm spending and how much is coming out each week. I cut out all unnecessary direct debits and payments and started making my own food. You can save loads that way

Moving in with your girlfriend will help too - does she work?


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Hi proud!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Hey Proud!!!

....I am sorry you are down about money. I get that way too.

The firefighter I was dating was in a similar situation. He spent oodles of money fighting for custody of his son. He lost his house. But, you know what? ...it didn't bother me. He wasn't frivilous with his money. He was in a bad spot, and I understood that.

I read somewhere that it takes 5 years for people to recover financially from divorce....hang in there.

The spreadsheet is a good idea. I did that...and it was eye opening where I was spending money.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You had lots of great advice.

I will add my 2 cents.

Does your employer have tuition assistance? If so, why not use it to finish your degree. If you are enrolled in school you can defer your student loans. 

As an HR professional, I will tell you that it's harder to get a good paying job without a degree. 

In the past companies I have worked for they have modified their job postings to include education. They used to say degree preferred and say that more years of experience could replace the education required. This is no longer the case. Now they want both experience and education.


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