# Valentine's Night Blues?



## Justadude (Aug 6, 2012)

This is my first Valentine's night alone in over 10 years. I'm close to being ready to get back out in the game, but I'm not quite there yet. 

Didn't think it would bother me, and it wasn't until my POS XW had the nerve to ask me if I had plans, and if I didn't would I mind watching our son because she does have plans, and her babysitter fell thru. Of course I declined.

Since then I've been feeling blue, I know she's a POS and has had no trouble moving on, but it still hurts...but just wondering if any others are in the same boat.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Sure, I've been there. I had a GF for last VDay, but I'm single for this one. No biggie; my week with my daughter starts tonight and out of all the females I know, she's definitely the one I want to spend this day with. 

I probably would have accepted her offer to watch your little one. My xWW pulls stuff like this from time to time. Last fall she said her and her BF had plans for a weekend and asked if I would watch our daughter that weekend. I said sure, I'd love to. She looked so perplexed when she dropped daughter off...like she was surprised I said yes. When she dropped daughter off, I was friendly and smiled and my daughter was so happy to see me. The look on the xW's face was priceless...she couldn't look me in the eye. I don't care what she does, and there's no way l'll turn down time with my little girl. And regarding her having plans, my thought process on that is "BETTER WITH HIM THAN ME!" And lo and behold, last week she snuck some of our wedding pictures into my daughter's school bag for me to "find". I guess me not caring what she does bothers her, even after two years of being apart. Hmmm.

I get you're still hurting. But I bet your son would have loved to spend time with you, and how much do you want to bet your xW is telling your son "Your dad doesn't want to see you."? Next time, I'd have a fun night planned for your kiddo, tell your ex wife "Have fun!" And make some good memories with your son. By refusing, she knows you still care. By not giving a sh!t, she knows you don't give a sh!t. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Justadude said:


> This is my first Valentine's night alone in over 10 years. I'm close to being ready to get back out in the game, but I'm not quite there yet.
> 
> Didn't think it would bother me, and it wasn't until my POS XW had the nerve to ask me if I had plans, and if I didn't would I mind watching our son because she does have plans, and her babysitter fell thru. Of course I declined.
> 
> Since then I've been feeling blue, I know she's a POS and has had no trouble moving on, but it still hurts...but just wondering if any others are in the same boat.


My heart skipped a beat before you told us you declined.

Good man.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

None here
I am good.


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## Justadude (Aug 6, 2012)

It’s about protecting myself, and not allowing her to take any more advantage of me. We are supposed to have 50/50 custody, yet we are only 6 weeks or so into the New Year. She has had two business trips, one included a weekend stay over…her choice…total of 18 days with me taking the kids full time, and she had another 4 day vacation…probably with a dude. 

She puts the kids second to her personal life. Hell during our marriage I was taking care of the kids while she was running around on me. So not tonight…. I see my boys all the time, and when I have them I don’t schedule anything, it’s just me and them. She also has an older daughter from another marriage that lives with her, that is used all the time to babysit when she has the boys.

Anyway, it’s not bad…but it did piss me off that she had the nerve to ask, after all the time I covered for her. So I go the blues for a bit. 


toolforgrowth said:


> Sure, I've been there. I had a GF for last VDay, but I'm single for this one. No biggie; my week with my daughter starts tonight and out of all the females I know, she's definitely the one I want to spend this day with.
> 
> I probably would have accepted her offer to watch your little one. My xWW pulls stuff like this from time to time. Last fall she said her and her BF had plans for a weekend and asked if I would watch our daughter that weekend. I said sure, I'd love to. She looked so perplexed when she dropped daughter off...like she was surprised I said yes. When she dropped daughter off, I was friendly and smiled and my daughter was so happy to see me. The look on the xW's face was priceless...she couldn't look me in the eye. I don't care what she does, and there's no way l'll turn down time with my little girl. And regarding her having plans, my thought process on that is "BETTER WITH HIM THAN ME!" And lo and behold, last week she snuck some of our wedding pictures into my daughter's school bag for me to "find". I guess me not caring what she does bothers her, even after two years of being apart. Hmmm.
> 
> ...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Justadude said:


> It’s about protecting myself, and not allowing her to take any more advantage of me. We are supposed to have 50/50 custody, yet we are only 6 weeks or so into the New Year. She has had two business trips, one included a weekend stay over…her choice…total of 18 days with me taking the kids full time, and she had another 4 day vacation…probably with a dude.
> 
> She puts the kids second to her personal life. Hell during our marriage I was taking care of the kids while she was running around on me. So not tonight…. I see my boys all the time, and when I have them I don’t schedule anything, it’s just me and them. She also has an older daughter from another marriage that lives with her, that is used all the time to babysit when she has the boys.
> 
> Anyway, it’s not bad…but it did piss me off that she had the nerve to ask, after all the time I covered for her. So I go the blues for a bit.


It could be worse.

You could be posOM.

She's a tornado that runs through people's lives.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Justadude said:


> It’s about protecting myself, and not allowing her to take any more advantage of me. We are supposed to have 50/50 custody, yet we are only 6 weeks or so into the New Year. She has had two business trips, one included a weekend stay over…her choice…total of 18 days with me taking the kids full time, and she had another 4 day vacation…probably with a dude.
> 
> She puts the kids second to her personal life. Hell during our marriage I was taking care of the kids while she was running around on me. So not tonight…. I see my boys all the time, and when I have them I don’t schedule anything, it’s just me and them. She also has an older daughter from another marriage that lives with her, that is used all the time to babysit when she has the boys.
> 
> Anyway, it’s not bad…but it did piss me off that she had the nerve to ask, after all the time I covered for her. So I go the blues for a bit.


Okay, that does change things. Thanks for the clarification.  In that case, yes declining was a good choice. It's one thing to take your kids when you can, entirely another when you're being taken advantage of. I gotcha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Justadude (Aug 6, 2012)

Conrad said:


> It could be worse.
> 
> You could be posOM.
> 
> She's a tornado that runs through people's lives.


So true, look what happened to that clown. She is on to some other guy, what's my prediction for the next guy? As Mr T said in Rocky III when asked his prediction of the fight with Rocky "PAIN!"


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## Justadude (Aug 6, 2012)

Believe it or not, she texted me tonight asking me to take our kids again. Something about being at the airport at 7am tomorrow...nobody in her family is traveling...wtf. I didn't even respond. She really sickens me, a mother who is looking for ways of getting out of being a parent. 

My goal is to forgive her completely, but how do I get to the point of forgiving her when she constantly does stuff like this?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I feel bad for your kids. They're being shunted around like potato sacks. If your wife puts the kids second, then it's even more important that you put them first. Even if your wife is being irresponsible and is taking advantage of you, don't put the kids in the middle as part of the struggle with your ex.

Take the kids each and every time she doesn't want them...see? That's what the kids will learn. Mom doesn't want us much. At least dad does. They need someone who wants them always. Be that guy.

Document what's happening, and how often you have the kids. Then petition the court to have full custody since you take care of them a majority of the time Show these kids they are wanted by a parent, wanted so much that you put their well-being first.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Have you offered to have full custody? Might as well reap the benefits. Or wait until a year has gone by and you can prove how many overnights you had had with them.

As to V-day, I can't recall ever having a good one since high school when boys tried to out-impress each other.  Ex rarely did anything to celebrate anything and when he did it was half-assed. And all of the boyfriends I've had ended before the holidays or right after so I haven't had a boyfriend at this time of year. I declined an invite from BFF guy and had a bottle of wine, a french cheese baked in pastry and some marinated artichokes and had a NetFlix marathon. Life is good.  

I'd like to have a nice Vday but I'll just wait for the day when the right guy comes along and he makes it special again.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

I actually forgot it was Valentine's day until someone at work got flowers delivered to her.

Then my ex texted me wishing me "Happy Valentine".

So I thought I'll take my little boy out for ice cream. Which we did. We had a lovely time.


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