# Filing myself the hardest part



## tryingtosave (Feb 4, 2016)

Well a quick story been married 20 years and in the past 4 years I put other things in front of my marriage like gambling. I have never cheated on her except with gambling I put it in front of my family. She has been asking for a divorce for 9 months. I stay home on the weekends because of the kids. She got into a bad wreck and is not able to work for the time being so I have been doing everything I can to help as much as possible. She has not mentioned divorce lately but when I stay home she leaves and goes out until all hours of the night and I am sitting home miserable but at least I am with the kids. Well I had a attorney friend print up the divorce papers for me to file it myself as it would be cheaper. I went to the court house to file it twice but could not build up enough courage to do it. When I got to the courthouse it started to really hit me and seems like the hardest thing in the world to overcome... I really don't want to do it but I know that this is what she wants. I want to get on with my life and start rebuilding it but it seems impossible without my family together. Please give me some advice.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Why are you filing for divorce? She wants the divorce so let her file. Just be happy being able to spend times with your children because if she does file then odds are she is going to get custody of your children.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Does she still want a divorce? "I know that this is what she wants." Ask her. When you say "I know that" it implies that this is what you think, but not actual stated fact. 

If she wants a divorce, then say " I really don't want to do it but she wants a divorce". Even "want" is vague. You should only file if she INSISTS on a divorce. 

What are you miserable about? The divorce or being alone?


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## tryingtosave (Feb 4, 2016)

Yes she definitely wants it she told me today so I went and filed. I love my family more than anything. This was the hardest day of my life...


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

tts.

Have you been able to discount that your W is in an affair? Because you wrote, *She has not mentioned divorce lately but when I stay home she leaves and goes out until all hours of the night* , what is she doing during that time?

Tamat


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## tryingtosave (Feb 4, 2016)

According to a text message she sent me and asked me how does it feel that she is doing what I did to her. I really do not believe she is having a affair.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I don't follow your answer tryingtosave to the question is she having an affair. 

You filed, it was necessary at this point. Change the focus of your thread at this point to how shelter and build a life with your children. Also focus on how to achieve a fair divorce and achieve 50/50 custody. Find a place to deal with your gambling issues. 

Finally to answer your wife: how do I feel now, not good and a shamed. Leave it at that, no sense in adding anything else. RAs no matter what the form is stupid and only shows others you are a loser. Stay the course, own what is your's, not what is her's.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Also could you share the complete text?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Please keep in mind that whoever files first in any divorce action, and in the event of courtroom litigation, has the initial "burden of proof" in that action!

And if it's bad enough, you can always counter file!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tryingtosave (Feb 4, 2016)

No she is not having a affair. As far the text she asked me how it felt that she didnt answer the phone and that I did not know where she was at.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

If she hasn't mentioned it in a while then maybe she has changed her mind? Try talking to her about it first, let her know that you had the papers drafted up because it was what she wanted but you hadn't turned them in yet because you want to make sure it is what she really wants. Let her know that you still want to be married and work on the relationship and if she changes her mind then you will go to counseling with her. Sounds like she is going out all night and not answering because she is angry and resentful towards you and is trying to give you a taste of your medicine..but honestly that is not a mature way to handle things. If she is doing that to purposefully hurt you then in the end it will hurt herself as well.


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