# confused and hurting



## 503sfguy (Oct 15, 2009)

A little more than two months ago I found out from a mutual friend that my W stopped loving me. Our relationship had many problems, communication be one of them. Anyway she did not even have the courage to tell me. I had to ask her. Our friend also told me that she was seeing another man and he said he wanted to marry her, and that she was in love with him. I found that she had been making tons of calls to this person. When i asked her who this person was she said it was a girlfriend and that she would stop calling. I later noticed that this person lived in another city and that my W was actually over there when I was out of town. My W does not drive and it it is not that easy to get there and she was also with our child. Apparently her girlfriend was taking care of our child and helping her with this "EA" as she says. Anyway I checked the phone number and it came back the name of her friend she said she was calling but it was also registered to a man named M. I felt bad accusing her but asked her if she knew this M and she swore to me in my face that she did not. Well time went on and I believed her. I spoke with our mutual friend and she said wake up shes with this guy. So I checked her computer and found that she had been searching for this guys Facebook page. When I confronted her she flipped out and said you dont do that, meaning I was invading her privacy. I too flipped out and asked her to leave. Since then I know that she is still with this guy although she stays with her girlfriend that helped with the EA. I have made some big accusations. Going crazy of the fact that she cheated and I wanted her to atleast admit to the relationship. She continues on to this day denying that she is with this guy nor has she done anything wrong. But I can she clear as day from her phone records that she still is with this guy. Why can she come clean and just say she's with him? We have a beautiful daughter together I am trying my hardest to be strong and better myself for her and me. It's so difficult, some days are better than others. I hate being alone. We tried to go to counseling once but she said she did not want to go back. I am ready to do the work to save the marriage she's not. Nor does she want to come back. I am concerned for her as she does not make enough money to make it on her own. She is staying with her friend for right now but this friend is only going to be around for two more months. I am afraid she is going to move in with him because she has no where else to go. Advise anyone?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

I am sorry that you are having to go through this, as it is one of the most difficult things you will ever experience. At this point, there is really nothing that you can do, except work on yourself, since you cannot make your wife do anything that she doesn't want to. You can, however, be the best person you can be for your daughter and yourself. Even if your wife chooses not to go, you can certainly seek therapy for yourself.

Best wishes to you and your little one.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Read the post called LIES!

Cheaters lie. Because remember, you're the bad guy. They have to believe that to justify their behavior. They have to lie to you because it changes the balance of power -- now they're the bad guy. They're used to being the victim (in their minds) and now they have to rectify that if they tell the truth. 

That just won't do!


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Beware the "that's my story and I'm sticking to it" lie. It defies logic, but they are so insistent that you almost start believeing. Some people say "follow your gut". I say "follow the evidence". If 1+1=2, then it's 2, no matter how badly they want to convince you it's not. 5 Peices of advice:

1 - Keep a journal. She's not, and it's hard to keep the lies straight. You'll have the facts.
2 - Spy: Check her emails.
3 - Spy: Check her cell phone.
4 - Spy: Check the phone bill.
5 - Spy: Have her followed.

You see what this forum did to my trust levels. 
Good luck man.


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