# a self-proclaimed "Alpha" -real or not?



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Is it me or is it really irritating how some self-proclaimed Alphas are simply being *arrogant *instead of real Alpha?

Listen to this guy (who made a video referring to another man he disagrees with but during the video reveals why he thinks as an Alpha, he gonna sleep with every hoe out there as long as he gets a chance - because that's what makes him Alpha).

[At 5:40] He claims: _there's no such thing as "loyal alpha". It doesn't go both ways: A man to be yours and at the same time to be alpha. There's no such man who doesn't mistreat you, yet to be alpha. He ain't born yet. 
A man who got options, is gonna f*ck around anytime he can. If he has no chances, he's gonna turn into beta. 
If a man can, he will._ 

Now, as much as it's true that Alphas have lots of options, I don't want to think that an Alpha will necessary gonna pursue those options (by cheating).
I'm sure we have lots of Alpha TAMmers on here that are loyal to their SOs. 

Nonetheless, have a look at this and share your thoughts. *Should women get confused by this guy's claims?
*


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Read your own signature line and draw your own conclusions. This guy is just a A-hole. Part of being alpha is having integrity (hence the term integrated person). He is trying to rationalize to himself why he likes to use people. What he is talking about is greed, not selfishness. It is a shame that society continues to confuse the concepts


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Who gives a **** what this guy thinks is an alpha.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Is it me or is it really irritating how some self-proclaimed Alphas are simply being *arrogant *instead of real Alpha?
> 
> Listen to this guy (who made a video referring to another man he disagrees with but during the video reveals why he thinks as an Alpha, he gonna sleep with every hoe out there as long as he gets a chance - because that's what makes him Alpha).
> 
> ...


I didn't watch the video but have heard the same drivel from other (misguided) men.

My ex-h was certainly alpha in the way most of these guys mean the word, but he never acted like they say alpha males are "supposed" to act. He was faithful, loyal, kind, loving and would have fought like a fierce animal to protect me (still would!)

Women threw themselves at him all the time (still do!) He knew that empty meaningless sex wasn't something he desired (he did experience some of it in his 20's and learned that connected meaningful sex was much more fulfilling). He has deep emotions and wants an emotional connection with someone. He also has integrity and doesn't play with others' emotions, especially not "just to get laid".

The thing that bugs me about these guys who claim that an alpha "must always be this way or that way, or else he isn't alpha"....is that they act as if there is some sort of template we are all made from, and that there is no way any individual can ever be any different than the template. That's just absurd and illogical. Yes there are dudes who think that banging the next chick who will let him is their goal in life and will never "beta" down with any woman....but there are also dudes who multitudes of women would happily drop their panties for but they walk on by, not interested. Why is that so hard for those guys to accept? It is like they read the handbook (there really are handbooks for this crap) and accepted it as true and never used their own mind to realize it isn't even close to being logical that "all alphas are exactly the same and never ever veer from the template". Sheesh.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

He seemed to come across as trying to slam women who don't appreciate nice men honestly.

Some of his points are accurate but not the concept that a man who women chase can't be faithful.

I think he felt bad that so many nice guys were getting dumped and was trying to drive home a point about it.

He did refer to himself as an a-hole and didn't seem to be slamming the nice guys.

He is certainly incorrect about men with many options however.

Mrs. Conan and I are traveling together and encounter several hundred people a week that we interact with. We both have had opportunities, some very attractive, but of course we just wink at each other and joke about it. We have tossed more business cards with personal information scribbled on the back then I can recall at the moment &#55357;&#56842;!

I don't really like the term alpha but do use it to help convey ideas.

He is a player at least but an alpha? In pack terms it means strong, fierce and leader, maybe even selfish. With people it should only be part of a person's makeup and probably have more positive attributes.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lovelygirl said:


> Is it me or is it really irritating how some self-proclaimed Alphas are simply being *arrogant *instead of real Alpha?
> 
> Listen to this guy (who made a video referring to another man he disagrees with but during the video reveals why he thinks as an Alpha, he gonna sleep with every hoe out there as long as he gets a chance - because that's what makes him Alpha).
> 
> ...


He’s confusing “alpha” with “*******”.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

The whole "alpha, beta, zmega, ect, ect" thing is freaking inane if you ask me. But as long as it makes preening idiots on youtube feel good about themselves.

Makes me want to puke.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

An alpha is definitely not self proclaimed, because he needs no validation.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Is it me or is it really irritating how some self-proclaimed Alphas are simply being *arrogant *instead of real Alpha?
> 
> Listen to this guy (who made a video referring to another man he disagrees with but during the video reveals why he thinks as an Alpha, he gonna sleep with every hoe out there as long as he gets a chance - because that's what makes him Alpha).
> 
> ...



*Absolutely!

It is, IMHO, only being habitually thrown out there by these so-called Alpha males because it is their wish to "have their proverbial cake and eat it too!"

And usually always, all done at anyone else's expense except their very own!*


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Real alphas don't need to say, or validate, that they are alphas

And having options (sexual) and not indulging in them is what makes a man aswell. I am surrounded by unhealthy food, Should I eat it just because it's there?

Although I cannot deny that a 'in demand' guy gets more attention from all women including his wife


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

How about just being a real grown up adult man
You do not need to brag about anything.
You do not need validation from anyone
You have your own self confidence 
You do not need to proclaim yourself as anything
because you know who you are


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Steve2.0 said:


> Although I cannot deny that a 'in demand' guy gets more attention from all women including his wife


So in my experience as a woman, what you are describing is a very attractive and/or fit man. The 'in demand' part is sort of nebulous.

There are many men who don't fall into the range of very attractive, yet who are very charming and charismatic and definitely do get more attention from women.

But typically, we women notice really hot men and of course will pay them more attention and be drawn to them.

I'm not saying this next part about you specifically, Steve....but it never ceases to amaze me when a man notices that some other man is getting a lot of attention (maybe or maybe not also having a lot of sex) and he's like "what's that guy got that's so special?" Then you see the guy he is talking about and he's built, handsome and uber sexy. 

It's almost like some men actually don't think women have any thoughts about what is nice to look at. Since most men are straight, many times they really don't see what is attractive about another man. 

It's so confusing because men obviously like to look at attractive women, yet they are put off by the very thought of women liking to look at attractive men. I don't get this. It's a weird mindset. The only way I've been able to make sense of it is to factor in that straight men just can't see what we see.

There was a discussion here several years about Tom Brady. At least one guy kept going on and on about how Tom isn't attractive, that he isn't even that in shape, and he didn't understand how or why women were hot for him. I was in that discussion going "what in the world are you talking about, the guy is an absolute hunk". But this guy wanted to explain to me that I only thought Tom was hot because he is famous and married to Giselle.

Um, no. A Tom Brady lookalike could walk past me on the street and I am definitely going to notice him and take a second look after he passes me by and then tell all my friends about the hot guy I saw on the street today.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I didn't watch the video but have heard the same drivel from other (misguided) men.
> 
> My ex-h was certainly alpha in the way most of these guys mean the word, but he never acted like they say alpha males are "supposed" to act. He was faithful, loyal, kind, loving and would have fought like a fierce animal to protect me (still would!)
> 
> ...


I totally agree, but after reading what you wrote about your ex, have to wonder why he’s your ex.
He must have had a couple of really negative qualities.
My ex gf had some really great qualities, so I guess I can understand...

Indeed, an “alpha” is in my mind, just a confident, strong minded person who has self confidence.

This guy is just human filth. A man who is really self confident and strong mentally, would be disgusted with this guy. 

I don’t consider myself alpha or beta, but I know I’m capable of finding a woman. As you said, meaningless sex is not fulfilling to a person of character. I’m left me feeling like crap. And I knew there would be hurt feelings when I couldn’t reciprocate their emotions. Who would want to continuously hurt people, just for an orgasm and to feel “alpha”???? Must be a low person indeed.

This guy is just a bad person. Who cares what his thoughts are?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

He's not an eloquent speaker but he has some good points as to why some men struggle with women and relationships. His position is also correct for a subset of the population.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> So in my experience as a woman, what you are describing is a very attractive and/or fit man. The 'in demand' part is sort of nebulous.
> 
> There are many men who don't fall into the range of very attractive, yet who are very charming and charismatic and definitely do get more attention from women.
> 
> ...


Let me dispel a myth for you —

Those guys are playing dumb.

Tom Brady, though? Meh.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I totally agree, but after reading what you wrote about your ex, have to wonder why he’s your ex.
> He must have had a couple of really negative qualities.


It hurts when people say things like this about my ex. The implication that he must have done something wrong or bad and that is what caused our divorce and that this also must have something to do with his alpha-ness.

I have never told my full story here, because I know he would not want me to share our story in public like this and I have always honored that. So I guess people have to assume what they can from the bits they know. It just hurts because he is a good man, and no, he didn't cheat on me or abuse me or act like what these other fools call "alpha".

In fact, there is a possibility that we will end up together again. We both had crap we needed to work out, individual crap that we needed to be apart in order to deal with. We are going on 3 years divorced now and are still friends, see each other weekly at least, have traveled together, and would do anything for each other.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Let me dispel a myth for you —
> 
> Those guys are playing dumb.
> 
> Tom Brady, though? Meh.


:lol:

Oh Gus.....Gus Gus Gus....that's kinda like me saying, Sohpia Loren? Racquel Welch? Giselle? Meh. They really aren't all that.

And as a woman if I did say that, would you not just think I have no idea what I'm talking about? Or that I'm playing dumb? Sorry but....your answer falls in that category, too.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> It hurts when people say things like this about my ex. The implication that he must have done something wrong or bad and that is what caused our divorce and that this also must have something to do with his alpha-ness.
> 
> I have never told my full story here, because I know he would not want me to share our story in public like this and I have always honored that. So I guess people have to assume what they can from the bits they know. It just hurts because he is a good man, and no, he didn't cheat on me or abuse me or act like what these other fools call "alpha".
> 
> In fact, there is a possibility that we will end up together again. We both had crap we needed to work out, individual crap that we needed to be apart in order to deal with. We are going on 3 years divorced now and are still friends, see each other weekly at least, have traveled together, and would do anything for each other.


Well, I hope tho ha work out for the good of both of you. You sure speak highly of him.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> :lol:
> 
> Oh Gus.....Gus Gus Gus....that's kinda like me saying, Sohpia Loren? Racquel Welch? Giselle? Meh. They really aren't all that.
> 
> And as a woman if I did say that, would you not just think I have no idea what I'm talking about? Or that I'm playing dumb? Sorry but....your answer falls in that category, too.


Nah, I get why he’s attractive to women.

Probably even _most_ women.

Still, he’s just sort of “meh” to me.

Same with Giselle.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> So in my experience as a woman, what you are describing is a very attractive and/or fit man. The 'in demand' part is sort of nebulous.
> 
> There are many men who don't fall into the range of very attractive, yet who are very charming and charismatic and definitely do get more attention from women.
> 
> ...


Hmm interesting. I've never met a man that doesn't realize attractive men are attractive.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Nah, I get why he’s attractive to women.
> 
> Probably even _most_ women.
> 
> ...


Ok, tell me some men you think are hot and not "meh". Just for fun! This is interesting.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok, tell me some men you think are hot and not "meh". Just for fun! This is interesting.


Right off the top of my head?

Jason Momoa
Chris Evans
Chris Hemsworth

Yeah, I watch a lot of super hero movies.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Townes said:


> Hmm interesting. I've never met a man that doesn't realize attractive men are attractive.


It typically comes up when a guys says about another guy "how come so many women are infatuated with that guy?" and you see the guy and he's drop dead gorgeous.

So .... I am surmising that these men may realize that women find attractive men attractive, but they can't see for themselves which men are attractive to women.

I've been present for this happening many, many times. A man who every woman in the room notices, other men are like "why do they notice him?"

Maybe Gus is right though. Maybe they are all just playing dumb. It is really weird to me though and I wish men would just assume "ok hey, if a man is getting attention from women, either he is very attractive to women and I can't see it, or he is super charismatic, or both" and then just accept it. 

Instead - a lot of men start trying to come up with "reasons" the man is getting attention from women. "He must be rich." "He must be a player (insinuating that he is duping these women somehow just to get in their pants)." Another one I've heard is "she only thinks he is hot because she saw him talking to another woman earlier". On and on.

Can't it be as simple as the man is a hottie and the woman is looking at him for that reason alone? I wish.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Right off the top of my head?
> 
> Jason Momoa
> Chris Evans
> ...


I don't watch any super hero movies so I had to look all of them up!

Thank you...that was a nice view! :grin2:


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> It typically comes up when a guys says about another guy "how come so many women are infatuated with that guy?" and you see the guy and he's drop dead gorgeous.
> 
> So .... I am surmising that these men may realize that women find attractive men attractive, but they can't see for themselves which men are attractive to women.
> 
> ...


Maybe they're irrationally hoping the women will agree and say, "You're right. There's nothing special about that guy" so they don't have to feel bad about themselves. Lol, I don't know, but I think it's an amusing topic


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The people I've met who are natural leaders. The ones who are courageous (eg, actually significantly risked their lives to benefit others), the ones who have persevered in the face of real difficulties - none of them have every talked about being "alpha".

My feeling is that people who are alpha don't talk about it, and in fact don't think about it - it is just the way that they are. 

I'm not - I'm an omicron, I'm not in the gorilla enclosure......


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