# gonna thow this out here...curious



## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

for obvious reasons we all find ourselves here...sorry to all. it is not much fun...


anyways anyone know if many people file for divorce and the dont go through with it?

if so anyone have reasons for doin or not doing so?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

lost1234 said:


> for obvious reasons we all find ourselves here...sorry to all. it is not much fun...
> 
> 
> anyways anyone know if many people file for divorce and the dont go through with it?
> ...


great question, especially for those of us leaning toward ultimtum.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

We haven't gone through with it. But don't confuse that with reconciliation.

We have been separated for over 15 months. We used a mediator to draft our divorce papers back in June.

We can't petition for a court date until we have both completed mandatory parenting classes, as required by the state. I took the class within a week last June. I think she 'called a number' in October.

I'm no longer pushing the divorce simply because there really isn't a need. 

Financially, we are both strapped. I'm now leaning more towards making it official if and when she chooses to remarry. 

In the meantime, I still get the tax benefit of the house - and she doesn't pay taxes on the child support.

Our financial advisor indicated that she has many clients that end their marriage, but don't legally divorce as a result of benefits and/or drawbacks for doing so.

We are civil, still do activities together with the kids, and even have plans to do Christmas shopping for the kids together. 

But to be crystal clear ... I burned the emotional bridge of hope months ago. I really don't have any delusions about reconciling and living happily ever after with my ... wife? Wow, that sentence is ironic.

I have a friend that hasn't lived with her husband for over 3 years. They own a business together and have a son. They continue to operate as business partners. Divorcing would create chaos for them financially. And once again, she would never go back. 

So yes, it is certainly an option.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

That a great point Deejo-not divorcing but not reconciling.

My gyno's H filed for divorce and they reconciled.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

My W and I were separated for 19 months. I was hoping we could reconcile and also afraid to file for the divorce because of the expensive consequences, regarding the business settlement...that my brother/partner reminded me of. However, after 19 months, my W got fed up and filed anyway. We tried counseling (to see if we could reconcile), with our pastor after she filed...but too late and too many unresolved issues.

I'm now waiting for her and her attorney to approve or counter offer my settlement offer. It's been painful...emotionally and financially.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Read a statistic about that not long ago - maybe 25% who file still don't go through with it? Will try to find it again.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

I know two people that went through a divorce and shortly thereafter, they reconciled and got remarried.

I talked to one of them and she explained that divorce was the best thing that ever happend to her and her husband...because it made her realize she loved him and wanted to be married to him. Of course this is the exception, because many divorced couples never reconcile and remarry...especially if the issues are still there and/or there are hard feelings.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

me too I know a couple of people, separated then divorced and then remarried a few years later now happier than they have ever been, I guess anything is possible. I bet none of us would think we would ever be where we are at now either.......it forces you to really evaluate the situation for the good and bad......


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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

I have been separated for a year next month. At first I really wanted to reconcile.. now that he wants to I don't. I think it sneaks up on us, they hurt us to much and we don't even realize it, until we have to make a decision to reconcile or not. You might think you want to right now, but if you were the person that got left behind you are going to have some MAJOR trust issues.! I wish you the best of luck with a reconciliation, but most marriages do not make it after being separated.

BTW.. Time does heal wounds, although I do not want my husband back I am happier than I have been in years!


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Lost, I just got through crunching numbers with my wife, and it definitely looks easier to separate than divorce as far as "cost" and "paperwork" are concerned. 

However, I want my life back, and that can't happen as long as I'm tethered to someone else. So at this point I'm truly torn. She is satisfied with keeping things as they are or at worst separating...I am however not. I would be willing to recommit it she was earnest, or it has to end in divorce. For me there is no gray, no middle ground, at least not here.

I guess you know your relationship is "screwed" when you can't even agree on how your not going to be together anymore. LIL


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