# Helping Spouse with Sexual Insecurities



## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

Hello fellow TAMers!

How have others found solutions to helping a spouse or SO with sexual insecurities without making the situation worse?

How have women found ways to make their man overcome problems with ED, worries about performance or size? 

How have you men helped your woman to feel number 1 and that you are more than happy with THEIR body and not with the women on Sports Illustrated. How do you help her overcome issues with vaginal dryness or the months during and after pregnancy?


How do you do it without making your efforts seem like you are unsatisfied with your sex life and truly just wanting to be supportive?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Maria Canosa Gargano said:


> ...How have others found solutions to helping a spouse or SO with sexual insecurities without making the situation worse?..


I haven't been able to. I even got the help of a great nationally known sex therapist. My wife still has huge self-image and sex hang-ups. 

There is a very important concept in MW Davis book the Sex Starved Marriage, and that is that you can't force your spouse to do anything. You can introduce changing yourself into a relationship and hope that either through leadership or a different relationship dynamic that your spouse will change, but it is ultimately their choice.

I have tried everything I can think of to make my wife feel that she is desired by me and that I find her sexy and attractive. I have had at best limited success.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Hello to You!

as far as Ed, there is a good thread going on right now that addresses the subject of how women can help men through ED.

As far as performance and size, very delicately. Each gender has certain hot buttons/sensitivities generally and for men sex, size performance and ED are all VERY sensitive issues which if not handled very subtly and with compassion could sow a lot of hurt and resentment. 

I'll leave it at that, and let others give more in depth answers


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

My wife calls me the biggest guy she has ever been with, although it may not be true. She ignores all law of physics and doesn't care what 12 inches really is, I am 12 inches.

That attitude eventually makes you realize you have someone special and it definitely helped with any insecurities. She has never faltered on her view of me and regardless of how upset she has gotten, I could ask her in the heat of the moment and she would stop arguing and say "It's a foot to me though." 

Of course, that is just an extreme example. Doing the same thing towards her about her body, her rhythm, and her looks in the bedroom is just as important. When you love someone they become your everything. The biggest, the best, the prettiest, the most handsome, the everything you've ever wanted. If you don't have these feelings, you may not be loving right. If you know this love because it's how you feel, then you know for a fact anything you are insecure about means absolutely nothing. Your soul mate and spouse sees your flaws as the things that make you special.


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

I tell my wife all the time how sexy I find her. I pay a ton of attention to her body during sex. I give her oral and PIV. I rub her, massage her, tell her how much I love touching, holding, and loving her. I kiss her, hug her, hold her. Compliment her. I don't tell her she is bad at things in bed. I make her the center of attention.

In the end though, this has probably hurt more than it has helped when it comes to me being happy in our sex life.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Maria,

One of the most powerful ways to connect with someone is to make them feel important. 

Sometimes I'll ask M2: Who is by far the most important person in the world to me? 

In a situation like you describe - if you are happy overall than you can make the conversation 'all about him'. That type of tone - is magic. 

If however you yourself are frustrated with the situation, it becomes more difficult. 





Maria Canosa Gargano said:


> Hello fellow TAMers!
> 
> How have others found solutions to helping a spouse or SO with sexual insecurities without making the situation worse?
> 
> ...


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