# Texting a younger woman?



## Nobunnyspecial (Jan 17, 2012)

Ok so to start from the beginning:
a couple years ago I caught my husband being sneaky about his phone, one night his phone went off and he wouldnt turn off the notification alarm, so I grabbed it and opened it. It was a text from someone I didnt know so I started reading through their texts and found somethings he said that I didnt like, confronted him about it and he fessed up to everything and stopped texting her. Now a couple years later going through our online phone bill and i see he texts this local number quite a bit that i dont recognize and I found out its this girl (we both know) thats about 10-12 yrs younger than him. I have read through his phone a few times and there seems to be no texts to this number in his inbox, but i havent seen his phone since I know whos name to look for. I want to wait to get his phone to make sure I get my facts straight but either way I dont like that hes talking to a girl so much younger and on a regular basis  what do I do?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

type of phone?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

He may be deleting the history; don't worry, he'll slip up eventually. But if you don't want to wait for that, get busy snooping.


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## Nobunnyspecial (Jan 17, 2012)

he has the new iphone 4S, i heard the only way to look up the deleted history is to sync it with itunes. problem is I dont think he would part with his phone long enough for me to do it. is there another way?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Nobunnyspecial said:


> he has the new iphone 4S, i heard the only way to look up the deleted history is to sync it with itunes. problem is I dont think he would part with his phone long enough for me to do it. is there another way?



Im sure he syncs it on his own if he wants updates to organize his songs, etc


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## Nobunnyspecial (Jan 17, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Im sure he syncs it on his own if he wants updates to organize his songs, etc


actually I dont think hes ever updated his phone, hes not super tech savy when it come to computers, plus we dont have a computer to update our phones, I usually use my parents if need be. Do you know if theres a way to check deleted messages without doing a back up on a computer?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I never sync my iPhone since the last OS update.
It auto backups itself and the new iCloud function keeps all music, pics, apps and everything in sync through wireless.

I see no reasons to ever connect my iPhone to a PC again.

Which is of course is bad news for suspicious spouses.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Actually the only way to get that data from an iPhone anymore is to intentionally sync it with a PC since it`s no longer necessary to sync on a regular basis.

You`d have to get hold of the phone and sync it yourself to get that data.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Print out a copy of your cell bill. Get a list of all of those texts he's made to his little girlfriend. Calmly hand them to him, tell him you didn't know he was in a new relationship and could you please read through the texts that are on his cellphone. Since it's all been so secret, you need to be sure it is as innocent as he says it is.

Take it from there. IF he hands you his phone and you see those texts were deleted, you will be in the drivers seat. He either works with you ti fix this or you walk. Your first step towards fixing it is synching it to the computer and recovering those deleted texts.

I am ALL FOR gathering evidence. I wish to god I did. But secrecy and a younger girl go a long way towards already proving guilt. Deleted texts make it a triple. Retreiving them and having you both read their little chats together will be a home run.

Don't make it harder than it has to be.


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/25894-help-suspicions.html

I'm separated from my WP, above is the thread I started abpout his suspicious phone behaviour. This was in May...I stayed. It wasn't until the end of november he confessed he had slept with this 19yo, got her preg. I had further confessions but I only found the truth (a PA that started in march and continues to this day) when I hacked into his facebook.

I don't know if this is whats going on with your husband of course...it just sounds frightengly familiar 

I'm sorry ... it sucks that we are all here


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## Nobunnyspecial (Jan 17, 2012)

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I was able to get his phone and go through it last night (without him knowing) to see if I could read the contents of these texts, there was absolutely NO texts between them, which leads me to believe that he is deleteing them after EVERY conversation 
PLUS I went to his contacts to see her name and he doesnt even have her number in her name, its under some random letter "J"? I have also confirmed that it DEFINATELY is her number as she has it posted on FB and Ive been friends with her for awhile plus I had one of my friends make a wrong number call to confirm her first name. With finding these 2 pieces of info out I have printed out all the last 90 days of these text message exchanges and they text almost every day!! it makes me absolutely sick as hes 32 and shes 18!! I have never been in this situation before and I really dont have a clue how to handle this. I will lay it all out on the table tonight and show him the paper proof so he cant deny anything.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

prepare to be gaslighted


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

Nobunnyspecial said:


> Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I was able to get his phone and go through it last night (without him knowing) to see if I could read the contents of these texts, there was absolutely NO texts between them, which leads me to believe that he is deleteing them after EVERY conversation
> PLUS I went to his contacts to see her name and he doesnt even have her number in her name, its under some random letter "J"? I have also confirmed that it DEFINATELY is her number as she has it posted on FB and Ive been friends with her for awhile plus I had one of my friends make a wrong number call to confirm her first name. With finding these 2 pieces of info out I have printed out all the last 90 days of these text message exchanges and they text almost every day!! it makes me absolutely sick as hes 32 and shes 18!! I have never been in this situation before and I really dont have a clue how to handle this. I will lay it all out on the table tonight and show him the paper proof so he cant deny anything.


I'm so sorry ... I have been in your EXACT position. She is 19, he is 33. 

My xp also deleted each and every text, had his message alert to silent, deleted her calls from his call log, deleted all facebook messages. Search the forum my other threads if you want more info. The month I saw his phone bill he text her 300 times ... he text me 40 even though he was with her every single day (they were working together) 

For some reason it is far worse to me that she is so young. Of course I hold her accountable for her actions but it disgusts me that xp has taken advantage of a girl who is too young really to forsee the impact of her decision. My situation is worse also because he talked her into aborting the pregnancy he create ... I know from his guiltfilled confessions that she was a mess afterwards.

Sorry ... this is not about me, I just thought it might help to know that someone else is in a very similar position 



I really, really, really know the pain that your feeling....I'm so sorry that you are going through this


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

Read the thread I posted and you will see how my xp reacted when i confronted him about the texts, and know that I stayed to have my heart ripped out again and again 

This was his response : They were just friends, having a laugh, talking about her ex-boyf who was causing her trouble, he admitted that it was inappropriate, was sooo sorry for hurting me, cried that I was going to leave him, promised me I had nothing to worry about, he only deleted them because he knew i would get the wrong idea, said he would never risk our family for something so stupid, he never once tried to blame me, acted remorseful, told me he loved me, I was better looking than her blah blah blah ... and the killer "she so young...I would never go for a kid like that, what kind of man do you think I am?...shes younger than my little sister!"

My xp's AP got pregnant AFTER I confronted him about the texts between them.

I wish every day that I had left him then instead of believing his lies and sticking it our for 7 more months...things just got worse and worse

Please please dont make my mistake


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Set some boundaries. Age has nothing to do with anything. My husband is 8 years older then I am. I would be very suspicious of an affair at this point from your husband. Obviously he is sneaking around on you. Put your foot down and make sure he stops.

My husband and I made an agreement that there is no casual contact with the opposite sex outside of work. That includes texting/chatting on a regular basis.

Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nobunnyspecial (Jan 17, 2012)

Thanks everyone  I guess I will see what he says with our little chit chat tonight. I can already hear it with the "never do it again, it was harmless.....ect" when do you draw a line to forgive him? He has done this once before with another woman and I believed he stopped but at the time i didnt have access to his online phone account either  when do you know when its time to call it quits and move on? or give them another chance and set boundaries? Im not sure if he would ever cross the line as far as a physical affair is concerned but now I'm uncertain....... the sad part about this all is we just built a house and moved in not too long ago and were talking about having kids this year. I was ready to give him alot for someone my age (he is 8 yrs older) and he turns around and does this  sorry for the vent I am just really upset


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

You don't have kids?

I would run for the hills! There are loads of faithful good men out there that would not text other women knowing that it hurts you.

My advice to you is to get out before you have his babies, it's a whole different ball game when you share children
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

And if my maths is right your only 24! Why are you putting up with this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

How did the talk go?


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## Nobunnyspecial (Jan 17, 2012)

It went ok i guess, at first he was speechless and didnt know what to say, then he got defensive and mad that i was snooping in the first place then he felt guilty. I truley believe that nothing physical ever happened I just told him that my trust had been broken as he tried to hide the texts and it just proved to me that he may have been emotionally cheating. He said he didnt want me to find out as to prevent getting into an argument about it as they were just having a normal chat? I told him that if things are going to work out he cannot hide anything anymore and this regular texting to this girl has got to stop as its very inappropiate for a married guy texting another girl and asked how he would feel if he was in my shoes? and if this happens again i will be filing for a divorce as i cant be in a marriage without trust and someone that tries to sneak around me with stuff. I decided I will wait and see what happens next i guess as now he knows he really cant get anything past me now. I was sure not to tell him that i can recover his texts, if i see this happening again i will be sure to demand his phone and recover them with us reading them together so its there in stone cold writing. I just cant seem to have the heart to get rid of him quite yet  am i doing the right thing?


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## Nobunnyspecial (Jan 17, 2012)

Ok so my next question is if you really want to work things out in your marriage how do you get them to open up without being defensive? i was reading another thread on here about being able to move forward with answers, thats how I feel right now i would like to know exactly what was said between the 2 of them and why he felt he needed to talk with this girl behind my back, is there something lacking in our marriage? I respect the responses from people on getting out before i get more hurt but i honestly would like to give this a shot and work things out first (or try) what is the first step on both our parts to doing this?


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

Nobunnyspecial said:


> It went ok i guess, at first he was speechless and didnt know what to say, then he got defensive and mad that i was snooping in the first place then he felt guilty. I truley believe that nothing physical ever happened I just told him that my trust had been broken as he tried to hide the texts and it just proved to me that he may have been emotionally cheating. He said he didnt want me to find out as to prevent getting into an argument about it as they were just having a normal chat? I told him that if things are going to work out he cannot hide anything anymore and this regular texting to this girl has got to stop as its very inappropiate for a married guy texting another girl and asked how he would feel if he was in my shoes? and if this happens again i will be filing for a divorce as i cant be in a marriage without trust and someone that tries to sneak around me with stuff. I decided I will wait and see what happens next i guess as now he knows he really cant get anything past me now. I was sure not to tell him that i can recover his texts, if i see this happening again i will be sure to demand his phone and recover them with us reading them together so its there in stone cold writing. I just cant seem to have the heart to get rid of him quite yet  am i doing the right thing?


You prob hate my replies ... and I totally get that I am very emotional involved in your story and not particularly objective.

But I have to say it: Your husbands response is identical to mine...Identical!

I also was convinced that nothing physical was going on (utterly convinced, so much so i quit coming on this site because I didn't like that strangers who did not know me and my husband were saying that he was cheating) ... 7 months later I was proved wrong  

Ask yourself this....

*if the texts were innocent why delete them? (my h said it was so i wasn't upset and we didn't argue) 

*If they were innocent and you read them ... there would be nothing to argue about, therefore there is no need to delete them. Why has he delete the evidence he needed to prove his innocence?

*what does he have to talk about every day with an 18yo girl if they are not involved romantically/sexually?

I really hope you and your husband get out of this unscathed, but I can't see an innocent explanation


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