# Cake Eater: am I wrong?



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Early on I would invite my wife (not divorced yet) over for dinner or to help with homework for our son. My intentions were to get back together. One night after son went to bed we started talking about divorce issues. only I remained calm. We were sipping on beer the whole night and we started talking about child support. She lost her cool. Ended up waking our child three times. Plus acting like an ass in the garage and driveway at midnight. I she said some mean things about what type of man would take child support from a woman, and I am not a man, and I am a pu**y if I took support. I remained calm and I ever lost my cool. I tried to get her to come inside and go to the bed and I would sleep on the couch. She drank too much to drive. Ended up her friend came and got her. I told her she could not come here anymore since she can't keep her cool. 

Several weeks later she called because she wanted her birth certificate. Son was with her so I told her to come by after he went to bed ( she is staying at her parents). She calls at 10pm to say she can't come and will stop by in the morning. I go to bed. 30 minutes later she calls and says she is on the way. I tell her not to come as I am in bed and just to come in the morning. She says she is coming anyway ad I can't stop her. Her name is on the house still but she moved out. I know she legally has a right but now she is being disrespectful to me. She gets here and opens the door with her key and I don't let her in. She then threatens to call my parents. I guess they will put me in timeout? She ends up calling my parents. That didn't work so she calls 911 (she said it was accident, yeah right) and hangs up. They call back and she gives them our address (she does not recall giving them the address, yeah right!!!) and then she leaves. 2 cop cars show up and I explain what happened and they suggested I go to the court house and get something to keep her away from the house. I forgot the name of the form but I went to the courthouse and they said that form is a part of a restraining order. So I end up not doing it as that was too extreme as I wanted her to stay away from the house and that is it. 

Several weeks pass and I extend the branch again and tell her she can stop by and do homework with our son. Now she says she doesn't feel safe here and doesn't trust me as I threatened to put a restraining order on her. She says she will take our son to her parents and do his homework and I said no. If she wants to do it when he is with me then she can do it here. Now she is mad as I am keeping our son from her. And everything has to be done my way. 

Am I being an ass? I do not want her to have her cake and eat it too. She wants a divorce but wants to come here when she pleases. I want her to know what it's going to be like after the divorce is final. Is that so mean?


----------



## nothingleft (Aug 22, 2012)

why is she not allowed to take her son to her parents house to spend time with her?


----------



## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

nothingleft said:


> why is she not allowed to take her son to her parents house to spend time with her?


Jeez, Einstein, perhaps because she doesn't have custody, and thinks she can do whatever she wants, WHENEVER she wants, and everyone just has to ask "how high?" when she orders them to jump.

The only thing stopping her from spending time with her own child is her pride, and sick need to be in control, ie, her own needs are more important to her than her own child. She'd rather NOT spend time with her child if she can't do it on her own terms.

Which begs the question, is she a Mother or a Sociopath, 'cause
I'm not sensing much in the way of maternal instincts here....


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

she gets our son Thursday night through Sunday evening. I work weekends (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) and I wanted to be the one who does all the important stuff as that has how it has always been since he has been born.

Funny, the "jump how high" thing I have heard from her before. Here ego and pride are sinking her like it did the marriage.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

In Tennessee, we call what you need an "Order of Protection". With that, the Judge could temporarily formalize when and under what conditions she could visit and he could order her to pay reasonable support. A restraining order is generally used to keep an alleged abuser from contacting or coming around an alleged victim. If nothing else, get an attorney and knock out a legal separation agreement. She doesn't need a key to the place if you are separated and she doesn't need to feel she can pop in and out at will. If you have custody of the child, she should pay reasonable support. This is 2012.


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> In Tennessee, we call what you need an "Order of Protection". With that, the Judge could temporarily formalize when and under what conditions she could visit and he could order her to pay reasonable support. A restraining order is generally used to keep an alleged abuser from contacting or coming around an alleged victim. If nothing else, get an attorney and knock out a legal separation agreement. She doesn't need a key to the place if you are separated and she doesn't need to feel she can pop in and out at will. If you have custody of the child, she should pay reasonable support. This is 2012.


Have lawyer. We are seperated and her name is still on the house. We actually have mediation this Monday. She makes quite a bit more money than I do so I think even with 50/50 custody she is going to have to pay some support my lawyer says. I think this form was called a "de parte" or something. REgardless, the police told me wrong as I could not get that by itself, it was part of the restraining order.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Change the locks on your house if you haven't already. I wouldn't trust her. Calling 911 was extremely out of line and she knew what she was doing. It looks like she is out for revenge. Keep your guard up at all times. Your not being a jerk.


----------



## nothingleft (Aug 22, 2012)

SpurnedLonelyHusband said:


> Jeez, Einstein, perhaps because she doesn't have custody, and thinks she can do whatever she wants, WHENEVER she wants, and everyone just has to ask "how high?" when she orders them to jump.
> 
> The only thing stopping her from spending time with her own child is her pride, and sick need to be in control, ie, her own needs are more important to her than her own child. She'd rather NOT spend time with her child if she can't do it on her own terms.
> 
> ...


you sound like a very bitter person! there is no need for name calling, we are all adults here, i simply asked a reasonable question because it sounds like there is no formal agreement in place and the dad does not have custody. she has every right to have her child 50% of the time until a court orders different and it does not have to be under his terms. she may not be a good wife but the children are the only ones to suffer when they get put in the middle and used as pawns to seek emotional revenge on a wayward spouse. i have been through the process and as much as some people want to exact their revenge through the children, it never works out for them in the end. good luck proving a mother unfit to care for her child, if she wants her share of custody there is no reason she wont get it unless there is something about this particular case that is not being said. if the father persists on keeping the child from its mother and interfering with her rightful time, then he may actually lose his custodial rights for this type of behaviour.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Changing the locks is likely against the law - until her name is off the property.

Go with unbelieveable's suggestion.

Order of Protection is what you need.


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

there is nothing here for an order of protection other than your basic restraining order. For now I'm fine as mediation is soon and hope to end the madness.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

ex parte? Anyhow, I'd change the locks and inform her that she's welcome to any of her personal property and she's welcome to visit her child...during reasonable hours with reasonable advance notice. Her name may be on the mortgage but your butt is in the house. It's not reasonable or conducive to a healthy child-rearing environment to have a psycho enter one's home in the middle of the night,yelling, screaming, and waking up and frightening children. You don't have carte blanche to just waltz in at all hours, unannounced wherever she's laying her head. No halfway intelligent judge would expect separated people to have access to barge in on each other at all hours. If you change the locks and she calls the cops, they are going to ask her for a copy of her court order granting her access to the house. She doesn't have one. She can wave mortgage papers around all day long. Doesn't mean a thing.


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Ex parte, yes that is it. Like I told her, her name may be in the house but she isn't paying for it. She is with her parents living like a teenager living it up doing fun stuff every day with our son. And I mean every day!!! A Disney mom. While I can't afford to do that stuff as I have the house and I'm not a real man if I take child support from a woman! Sell my car, and sell the house, and get another job is all I hear. Doesn't matter she went through 6 years of school while we were married while I handled all the work inside and out of this house. I'm just lazy she says


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

MSC71-you appear to be on the right track and are being the reasonable one. It takes a lot to keep your cool under all the drama. I can almost promise you, a day will come when her thrill ride is over and she will be wanting to patch everything up.


----------

