# Crossroads



## Crossroads123 (Feb 4, 2013)

My wife and I have been married for two years and together off and on for six before that. I am 31 and she is 46. With our age difference my wife has two previous children and has been married before. This is my first marriage and we have a four year old together. Our issues are routinely the following:

1. Finance arguments. I'm the breadwinner and she works part time. I pay for everything however she feels entitled to my money from my job. I even budget her some of my money and pay the majority of her bills. This issue is building my resentment and has caused quite a few fights recently.
2. Arguments involving her kids where they expect me to pay for them. Dinners where they each invite friends, i pay the bill, and never say thank you. I paid $400 alone for her sons car registration. The back story is that Her son is 21 and daughter 23 and they are used to using there real dad for his money. Both have hardly worked and now they also have this entitlement. When i was their age i worked. It feels like they take advantage of me and my parents.
3. My wife likes to separate everything like she is always preparing for the inevitable divorce and she is prepping to leave. She gets different groceries, she separates her music, won't even put her coats in the coat closet with me. This whole issue makes me feel like we're not a team like she is not being inclusive. I've brought this up to her but she brushes it off. Today she actually admitted the prepping part. 

Our conversation today and Periodically is that she likes to tell me that what I really want is to move on and that she is never going to be a career woman. Whenever we have a fight shes ready to throw in the towel and tells me i need to look for someone else. I get so tired of hearing her tell me what I want that i almost just want to blurt out okay. I feel like because of her past she unknowingly treats me like I'm her ex husband and that she just needs to leave me and take our son with on her shoulders so its her and him against the world again. I am nowhere near her ex.

I guess what I'm wondering here today, is do I just need to man-up and separate? I almost feel like I need to be cold and do it, and just move on, but obviously with our son it is a little more complicated. Should I consider just separating for a while, or if we do that are we basically going beyond the point of no return? Somehow I don't see the option of MC working for us.


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## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

She's treating you like crud and very unfairly. Maybe she needs a wake up call... I also didn't fully appreciate my husband until he said he didn't want me anymore. That hurt and I changed my tune asap. You may need a 3rd party to make her see how damaging her behavior is. If she won't listen to you when you lay it all out then seek out a therapist. You sound like a great guy. Don't keep letting her walk all over you.


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## alphabravo (Feb 4, 2013)

In her mind, you do not accept her for who she is. And she has been consistent to you, never being anything other than herself so she is surprised by your picking out issues on money.

You are a bread winner and your role is to support everyone. Why are you surprised by this? Did she tell you in the beginning she was going to re-career and start making serious money and then change her tune?

She is packing up because she wants to be herself and feels that you are trying to change her. Probably some baggage in there from her last marriage.

Read the languages of love. You two are both using the wrong language.

Good luck! Good news as well once kids are grown it will be easier, hang in there.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

alphabravo said:


> In her mind, you do not accept her for who she is. And she has been consistent to you, never being anything other than herself so she is surprised by your picking out issues on money.
> 
> You are a bread winner and your role is to support everyone. Why are you surprised by this? Did she tell you in the beginning she was going to re-career and start making serious money and then change her tune?
> 
> ...


I would have thought 21 and 23 were grown...


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