# His true colors are showing...



## Ms_Limbo (Feb 2, 2012)

A long one again, but an update. 
So my birthday was Saturday and yes, it was a very hard day for me. I did have dinner plans with my husband (separated for 2 and a half weeks) but after so long of spending your entire birthday with that person it was like reality decided to knock me on my a$$ that day and taunt me like a school bully. He still didn't know how he felt and he was so sorry for putting me through this but he had to figure this all out. I cried... in the restaurant like a stupid emotional woman that I am apparently (no offense to other women who can't not cry, like I said I'm right there with you). He walked me to my car where I cried again and so he hugged me and continued to tell me how sorry he was. That he loves me and hates seeing me this way. We kissed, he followed me home and we had sex. I am ashamed... I'm ashamed because I guess I just wanted everything to be normal and doing that made me forget what was going on.

Superbowl Sunday rolls around and I'm still miserable, crying when I'm not too busy to think about what my life is like right now. My husband, let's call him meathead, posts on the wonderful social network FB that he had a great work out and now it was time for good food and game time at Big K's. No idea what that is but of course he is having a great time without his family and letting everyone know. I cry some more, in front of my family and they all know why. So my father no longer wants to keep his opinion to himself and lets meathead know, on FB as a comment to his fantastic post, that he should put that same energy into his family. Not that bad of a comment in my opinion but it causes meathead to go off the handle. He is cussing and telling everyone to mind their f*ing business. He then texts me to tell me he no longer wants to be apart of my f*ing family and he's done. He'll call me another day to talk about financials. 

Really? Stupid FB was reason enough or the decision maker for him to leave his family? I asked him the next day to talk to me about this. Obviously he made up his mind so we needed to get it all figured out. He didn't want to talk to me. Really? You made up your mind, just talk to me and get this behind us. Then he tells me he doesn't know what to do about us but he definitely feels more distant or apart than ever from me... Well of course you do, you have been gone and not really talking to me for about 3 weeks. But either way... now he wants to tell me he doesn't know again and telling me things that are still hurtful and keeping me in limbo. Ok well he finally did it... I'm now starting to get pissed about all of this. I tell him he either wants to work on his marriage or he doesn't. This isn't a fling, we're not dating. He is either staying to work on it with me and keep our family together or he is walking out on us all. I'm sure you can guess what he said to that... "I don't know. I'll always be there for my kids but I don't know about our marriage. I love you and I always will but I just don't know. We'll talk more tomorrow." I text him to ask him where I stand, he needs to tell me that. No more responses from him. Yes, meathead ran away.

I'm tired of hurting and being stuck in limbo. I'm willing to do anything, everything, to have him come home to us and be a family again. I love him that much but the man who promised me to love, cherish, for better or worse, for ever and always is not willing to do anything to keep his marriage working. It may sound premature to throw in the towel to some of you but I'm affected by all this. I'm physically affected, I'm not eating like I should, I'm not sleeping, and I'm always crying. My 2 year old doesn't understand what's going on and sees momma sad and upset. I'm pregnant and I'm afraid that all of this is hurting the baby. I need to do whats right for me and my family and not worry about if this man wants to be apart of it or not.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You are only stuckin Limbo because you are choosing it. 

The fact is, he took you to dinner and told you he's not sure about you. (Read: he's not into you). Then later you went home and had sex with him (don't do this ever again). Which made your self-esteem dip.

Then later he tells you he doesn't want to be a part of your F*CKING family and will call later to discuss $$$/financials. 

WOW.

And then the icing: 

_I tell him he either wants to work on his marriage or he doesn't. This isn't a fling, we're not dating. He is either staying to work on it with me and keep our family together or he is walking out on us all. I'm sure you can guess what he said to that... "I don't know. I'll always be there for my kids but I don't know about our marriage. I love you and I always will but I just don't know. We'll talk more tomorrow." I text him to ask him where I stand, he needs to tell me that. No more responses from him_

He is done. The sooner you accept this, the better for you.

Stop reaching out to him, stop calling him, begging him, pursuing him, reacting to him, and for chrissake's STOP sleeping with him.

He gets no more of your time.

He has broken your heart so why would you keep going back for seconds??? 

File for paperwork and be done with him.


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## Ms_Limbo (Feb 2, 2012)

I felt like I knew the man he is. I was wrong and of course have been fighting with myself. I wanted to give him every chance possible, which obviously was only giving me every chance possible to have heart ache. 

I am done, like I said I'm throwing in the towel. What kept me from doing it before was that it hadn't been very long and I felt guilty that I could give up that soon.


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## UnwarrantedParanoia (Sep 1, 2011)

I remember a time 18 years ago when my daughter was a baby, my husband became depressed and pulled away from me for a few months. Quite honestly, I didn't have the time to bother with it because I was too engrossed and busy with my baby and my job. I didn't push nor prod, I just let him be, BUT I did try to be nicer to him and pay a little more attention to him. 

Well, fast forward to Sept. 2011, and my "perfect" husband confessed ALL his indiscretions. The first one and more serious one, was a brief kissing affair with a co-worker 18 years ago. That was obviously the reason for the change I remember. He said he felt neglected by me, while this girl at work showed him a lot of attention, he started getting feelings for her and became conflicted with his feelings so he started pulling away from me. One day she kissed him and he didn't stop her. We were both around 26 at that time and he said he had been wondering if he had married too young. They kissed and fooled around at work for a couple of weeks, by the time the kissing started, I guess I had already changed towards him because he said that he would come home and find me happy and excited to see him, waiting for him at the door with the baby and the guilt started eating him up. He realized what he could lose, so he ended it. The co-worker quit the job, he never saw her again. 

Ms. Limbo, I believe your husband is either having an affair or has conflicting feelings for someone else. I don't blame you for throwing in the towel. Knowing what I know now, if I had found out about my H's affairs 18 years ago, I would have kicked him out. 

If you want to keep the "meathead", then you HAVE to get him to come back home. The longer he is out of the house, the further away he will get from you and closer to someone else that is talking in his ear. Stop begging and crying, that pushes him away, instead be strong, and show him what he is losing. Don't be too needy, be independent, show him you can move on without him. Be the person he fell in love with. Think about it, from you he is getting crying, guilt, and conflict. Meanwhile, he is probably in dating stages with someone else where everything is rosy. You should post your story in the coping with infidelity forum, they will give you great advice.


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