# If you had a friend who betrayed you years ago...



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

If you had been friends with someone years ago, almost 7 years now, and said friend slept with your casual boyfriend (really not serious at all) behind your back then, would you introduce her to your new life... happily married albeit past fidelity problems on H side? She and I reconnected on Facebook...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I wouldn't even be friends with that person anymore...that "friendship" would have been cut off 7 years age completely and forever.

That person was never your "friend."


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Maybe, maybe not. Not enough details about what happened seven years ago to know - but why risk it?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Sorry- would have cut 'em out of my life.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I agree, however, in our case our 'oldest' children grew up together, from about 5 until 10, and they recently reconnected and are talking about getting together and I think about back then and some of the scum guys I used to date and that guy was one of them.... So maybe he came onto her. Never had a discussion with her about, he told me and I severed my friendship with and moved on in a different direction with my life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Cherry said:


> I agree, however, in our case our 'oldest' children grew up together, from about 5 until 10, and they recently reconnected and are talking about getting together and I think about back then and some of the scum guys I used to date and that guy was one of them.... So maybe he came onto her. Never had a discussion with her about, he told me and I severed my friendship with and moved on in a different direction with my life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let's assume for a moment that he *did* come on to her. He made the pass...and she received it. There's truth to the cliche that it takes two to tango.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

True. Hadn't thought about that. She's married now too, so I don't know if that matters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Cherry said:


> True. Hadn't thought about that. *She's married now* too, so I don't know if that matters.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you've spent any time in CWI you know that doesn't change a thing. Those kids are 17 now - can't they have their own relationship and it not affect who you are and are not friends with?


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Her current marital status doesn't really factor into the fact that she betrayed your trust once before.

If you feel you can patch things up and that the friendship was worth rebuilding, that's up to you. But with that betrayal in the past, you might find yourself questioning things if you do.

Real life story: My college roommate was my best friend. Out of the blue, he gave me a week's notice he was moving out, giving me only a week to figure out how I was going to cover all the rent and utilities (not to mention furnish the living room since literally everything in there was his). In short order, he left several of our circle of friends out in the proverbial cold. Found out that he'd also just plain broken contact with his fiancée, transferring to a different work location without telling her...after not hearing from him for several days, she tried calling him at work, only to he told, "He doesn't work at this location anymore.". Started dating one of his employees. I was out of town for a death in the family...asked him if he could pick me up at the airport...got a lot of hemming and hawing, making it pretty clear he didn't want to be bothered with it.

After about 20 years, we reconnected on FB, but we're hardly what I'd call "close."

And that's without the sort of intimate betrayal that you experienced.

Make of it what you will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

No mention of her apologizing for what she did...


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Atholk said:


> No mention of her apologizing for what she did...


And that too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

She and I never discussed, I quit talking to her altogether, but no, she never did reach out to apologize.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Grayson said:


> Let's assume for a moment that he *did* come on to her. He made the pass...and she received it. There's truth to the cliche that it takes two to tango.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Precisely. She could have said no. And she didn't. And to add insult to injury she never even apologized. I wouldn't engage her at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

By a general rule, you want to keep your social circle free of deceitful or immoral behaviors. Even if your GF cheat on her H with someone you don't know, you would be advised to not hang with her anymore. You are influenced and defined by the friends you mix with. Furthermore, this particular individual cheated with your BF? It shows her character, and you should stay clear of her just for the principle of things. Trust me. This will save you alot of griefs down the road.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Any human being who has no problem doing somehting that serious behind your back...shows they are only out for them self- there are alot of people like that out there, and I would NOT want that type of person around my family, for any reason. 

you did without that person for 7 years- why connect now.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

I had a friend who hit on a girl I was casually seeing about 18 months ago. 

He is now an ex-friend. He sent me a friend request on Facebook 2 weeks ago. No thanks.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

sadcalifornian said:


> By a general rule, you want to keep your social circle free of deceitful or immoral behaviors. Even if your GF cheat on her H with someone you don't know, you would be advised to not hang with her anymore. You are influenced and defined by the friends you mix with. Furthermore, this particular individual cheated with your BF? It shows her character, and you should stay clear of her just for the principle of things. Trust me. This will save you alot of griefs down the road.


Thanks to everyone, I do think I've decided that this is not a friendship worth rebuilding. My H and I have been working hard at repairing our marriage after years of BS and this is just something we don't need "tainting" our progress. Even though we're making progress, I still feel at times my H would f**k anything that moves (past issues). Call it insecurity, or call it just protecting our cocoon until we can build the strength back up. Thanks again everyone!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Preventive maintenance...


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I hate to sound overly dramatic or single minded and protective... but that 's how I roll when we are talking about my child and what I allow him to be exposed to...

You know clearly where her moral boundries are and you can be sure that the fact that she did not seek you out to apologize is an indication exacatly where they still are... 

Wonder what kind of example a person like this has been setting for her children? Also, wonder if her moral 'flexibilty' will or has spilled over into her marriage? Wonder what kind of effect some of that might have by proxy on her children? 

Sorry f*ck that, f*ck no. Stay clear of me. Also, if I have anything to say about it, I would just assume my child not be exposed to any circle of influence that this person effects.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Cherry said:


> My H and I have been working hard at repairing our marriage after years of BS and this is just something we don't need "tainting" our progress. Even though we're making progress, I still feel at times my H would f**k anything that moves (past issues). Call it insecurity, or call it just protecting our cocoon until we can build the strength back up.


Wait one minute!

Is the "casual boyfriend" she slept with your current husband???

There is a Girl Code. Girl Code says you don't flirt with, date or, f-ck your girlfriend's boyfriends/guy/partner. It's a strict rule. The fact she had no problems crossing that line means automatic exile from Friendship Island. There's no way in hell you should be frends with her. Delete her friend request and carry on.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> Wait one minute!
> 
> Is the "casual boyfriend" she slept with your current husband???


NO.. I wouldn't have even thought about it if that were the case. My H was still one of the scumbag men that I tended to date back then, but I met him a good two years after I severed ties with said friend. And while he never slept with any of my friends, he has done some awful crap. But he is working on not being such a scumbag and I kind of like him now and want to keep him if he continues on the "recovering" scumbag path, kind of like watching an adolescent grow into a fine young man


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Cherry said:


> If you had been friends with someone years ago, almost 7 years now, and said friend slept with your casual boyfriend (really not serious at all) behind your back then, would you introduce her to your new life... happily married albeit past fidelity problems on H side? She and I reconnected on Facebook...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hell to the NO.

But I don't trust most women for this very reason--- it's happened WAAAYYY too many times to me with friends.
_
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me._


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> There is a Girl Code. Girl Code says you don't flirt with, date or, f-ck your girlfriend's boyfriends/guy/partner. It's a strict rule. The fact she had no problems crossing that line means automatic exile from Friendship Island. There's no way in hell you should be frends with her. Delete her friend request and carry on.


And with my close female friends, exes (no matter how long they've been exes) are off limits too. There are PLENTY of men in this world. Find your own.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Hell to the NO.
> 
> _
> Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me._


Exactly!



that_girl said:


> And with my close female friends, exes (no matter how long they've been exes) are off limits too. There are PLENTY of men in this world. Find your own.


Righto! I am always gobsmacked when I hear "Is it ok if I date my friend's ex boyf/exgirlf/exHusband/ExWife?"

Say what?? Why would you want to do that?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> Hell to the NO.
> 
> But I don't trust most women for this very reason--- it's happened WAAAYYY too many times to me with friends.
> _
> Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me._


I know... me either. Almost ALL of my female friends, going back to grade school even use to sneak behind my back with bf's. My best friend in college ended up marrying one of my exes. I give up on female friends nowadays. I have one really close girlfriend and that suits me fine


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Women are catty betches! lolll My friends have proven themselves and I have proven myself to them.


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