# Considering an affair



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

I have been married for 6 years and I am considering having an affair. I am in a sexless marriage. I dress nice. I maintain my appearance. I tried to initiate sex with my husband and I tried to see what turns him on but nothing seems to get him interested and when I ask him what he wants he says "nothing." He does not have any medical problems and his job is not that stressful and we have a lot of the same goals and interests and in general get along and are affectionate to one another. I asked him what's wrong and he just says that he has a low sex drive and always has and that it's just not that important to him. I've suggested counseling but he does not think we need that.

Sex and being desired are important to me and I am feeling so sexually deprived that I am actually considering stepping outside my marriage and seeing someone sexually. I do not want to leave my husband. I love him and we have a child together. But I don't want to go through my life with no sex and no passion. And we have hardly had sex since we conceived our child 5 years ago. And even before that it was sporadic at best. The most interest he ever seemed to have in sex was the one month we were trying to conceive before I got pregnant

What would you do? Have you ever had an extramarital affair when you still love your spouse? Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse just does not want to have sex with you? I am a woman in my twenties and I am finding it hard to imagine spending the rest of my life without having sex or pleasing a partner or being pursued. Everyone wants to feel wanted and attractive and it seems to me that most people want to have sex, preferably with the person I love. But the person I love doesn't want to have sex with me.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

You shouldn’t live sexless. 

You also shouldn’t have an affair

If he won’t change then divorce.......salvage your character and dignity along with it.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*

If you think you have problems now, when you devastate the man you took vows with, when he learns of your affair (and he will), you will have more problems than you can imagine. Please don't do this. If you can't be faithful through tough times, then it's better to tell him, and divorce. Cheating is never a solution for marital problems.


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

I just love my husband so much that I don't want to leave him. And he says he loves me. But he just does not want to have sex. I almost wonder if having an affair would help the relationship. I could continue loving my husband and doing nice things for him and raising our child with him, without pressuring him and asking him for something he doesn't want to give. The pressure would be off him. I would get fulfillment somewhere else.


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



Cherrymdsn said:


> I hope this is the correct forum to ask this in.
> 
> I have been married for 6 years and I am considering having an affair. I am in a sexless marriage. I dress nice. I maintain my appearance. I tried to initiate sex with my husband and I tried to see what turns him on but nothing seems to get him interested and when I ask him what he wants he says "nothing." He does not have any medical problems and his job is not that stressful and we have a lot of the same goals and interests and in general get along and are affectionate to one another. I asked him what's wrong and he just says that he has a low sex drive and always has and that it's just not that important to him. I've suggested counseling but he does not think we need that.
> 
> ...



Its possible he might have Low Testosterone levels. Testosterone is strongly linked with the Male sex drive as many well know. I would suggest testosterone boosters and or having him take the Onion challenge. Eating a full onion a day to help boost T levels. Once they get back to normal and start increasing past normal, his sex drive will reappear with a vengeance.


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

If these were just tough times I think I could tough it out. And I don't want to leave my husband. I love him. But these don't seem to be hard times. It's just the way he is. He doesn't want sex and I did not know that when I married him, and it doesn't seem right for a man to refuse to have sex with his wife. There is no end in sight or any indication he will ever want to have sex with me.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Two problems with your paragraph there.

1.


Cherrymdsn said:


> I just love my husband so much that I...


 .... want to have an affair. 

See how silly that sounds?

2.


Cherrymdsn said:


> I would get fulfillment somewhere else.


You would get sex somewhere else. It's unlikely that would qualify as true fulfillment, which for most people comes from physical intimacy with the same person with whom you share emotional intimacy.


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I just love my husband so much that I don't want to leave him. And he says he loves me. But he just does not want to have sex. I almost wonder if having an affair would help the relationship. I could continue loving my husband and doing nice things for him and raising our child with him, without pressuring him and asking him for something he doesn't want to give. The pressure would be off him. I would get fulfillment somewhere else.


I'll say here what I said in your other thread.

Its possible he might have Low Testosterone levels. Testosterone is strongly linked with the Male sex drive as many well know. I would suggest testosterone boosters and or having him take the Onion challenge. Eating a full onion a day to help boost T levels. Once they get back to normal and start increasing past normal, his sex drive will reappear with a vengeance.


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

I have always been loyal and I have tried to keep my mind fixed solely on my husband. But it has reached the point where I find myself fantasizing about other men and flirting with men. I just can't get him to do anything sexual. I will definitely talk to him about using an onion but he doesn't think he has any medical problems and indeed he seems to be pretty healthy so I'm not sure I'll be able to get him to go to the doctor. He went once before and nothing came up.


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

Sorry for the duplicate post. I posted in one forum and then realized I probably should have posted in the other one, but I cannot seem to delete either one.


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

I truly love my husband, but I am finding myself so sex starved that I am actually fantasizing about other men and flirting with them too.


----------



## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*

How can you be so sure he doesn't have a medical problem?

He has to go to his doctor and tell the doctor I have a low sex drive and it is causing problems in my marriage.

Cut your post and print it and give it to him. Then try to convince him to get help, medical or counseling. I can't imagine he feels good about himself knowing that you want sex and he won't (can't) provide it.

The second problem, you don't bring this up, but I will, is that he is demonstrating lack of concern for you and your important desires.

I personally assume that if you are getting married, you are expecting there will be mutual sexual pleasure. As like many other aspects in a relationship, compromise is required for differences - for frequency, among other things.

My personal opinion, based solely on myself and people I know over many years, there are not too many guys who want to be in a sexless marriage. Most guys, I believe, if they are in a sexless marriage, there is something medically, or mentally, missing. If a guy is capable, and his wife is nagging him about it, I believe most will try to placate the wife.

I really do believe he is not being open to you about why he is not wanting sex. Especially if he hasn't specifically talked about that issue to a doctor. Not having sex in your marriage is a problem, so if he isn't trying to do anything to improve it, something is going on there. I seriously doubt it is simply low desire.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*

Just leave!! An affair is not the answer!! Never!!


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I truly love my husband, but I am finding myself so sex starved that I am actually fantasizing about other men and flirting with them too.


Well, don't act on it. Tell him your needs. Have him get checked out by a doctor and test for Testosterone levels. We men tend to be stubborn creatures when it comes to our health. How old is your Husband, if you don't mind my asking?


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

He is 34.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*

Nothing, and I mean nothing, will turn a victim into a villain faster than adultery will. Don't believe me? Give it a roll.


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Cherrymdsn said:


> He is 34.



Okay, that is unusual. At 34 he should still be raring to go, if you get my meaning. And it definitely sounds like Low Testosterone. I can't be sure without a detailed physical and blood work, but that is above my pay grade. 

34 years old, still young. Should be having a healthy sex drive. Is he overweight? Does he have back problems?


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

He is a bit overweight. Could lose twenty pounds. He says he should lose 40. He wants to be the weight he was ten years ago.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I have been married for 6 years and I am considering having an affair. I am in a sexless marriage. I dress nice. I maintain my appearance. I tried to initiate sex with my husband and I tried to see what turns him on but nothing seems to get him interested and when I ask him what he wants he says "nothing." He does not have any medical problems and his job is not that stressful and we have a lot of the same goals and interests and in general get along and are affectionate to one another. I asked him what's wrong and he just says that he has a low sex drive and always has and that it's just not that important to him. I've suggested counseling but he does not think we need that.
> 
> Sex and being desired are important to me and I am feeling so sexually deprived that I am actually considering stepping outside my marriage and seeing someone sexually. I do not want to leave my husband. I love him and we have a child together. But I don't want to go through my life with no sex and no passion. And we have hardly had sex since we conceived our child 5 years ago. And even before that it was sporadic at best. The most interest he ever seemed to have in sex was the one month we were trying to conceive before I got pregnant
> 
> What would you do? Have you ever had an extramarital affair when you still love your spouse? Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse just does not want to have sex with you? I am a woman in my twenties and I am finding it hard to imagine spending the rest of my life without having sex or pleasing a partner or being pursued. Everyone wants to feel wanted and attractive and it seems to me that most people want to have sex, preferably with the person I love. But the person I love doesn't want to have sex with me.


Keep your honor for your kid and for your yourself and tell him if he doesn't fix it you will divorce him. Force the issue. Tell him you are getting tempted to step out if you have to but don't cheat for your own sake. 

Go on SurvivingInfidelty.com and read the just found out section. Spend a good day on there and read the pain affairs cause, then understand that is what you will be doing if you do this.

It's not right that you have to live in a sexless marriage but cheating probably won't solve that problem and will just bring more misery.


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Cherrymdsn said:


> He is a bit overweight. Could lose twenty pounds. He says he should lose 40. He wants to be the weight he was ten years ago.



Weight gain severely affects Testosterone levels. Had a guy at work this happened too. Hell it started happening to me. I got out of the Military after 15 years in. I stopped working out (real bad call on my part) and working EMS I only had time to eat fast food. I ballooned 80 pounds in 18 months. Cholesterol, blood pressure, back pain all went up. And my sex drive took a steep dive. Same for my buddy at work.

Finally took control of his life and started working out. He did so when he caught his wife was kinda flirty with a fit guy and decided he didn't like what he had become. He lost weight, and we discovered this study about onions (no bull****). He took it and his testosterone shot up, the weight came off and he was craving sex with his wife daily. They were going at it like rabbits, almost like they were newly weds again.

This convinced me to get back in shape myself. I've lost 20 pounds, only 40 more to go and I can feel a difference. I wont lie, Onions aren't exactly the most tasty of foods, but they're a miracle food for men.

this could work for him if he's willing to try it. But I think he needs to see a doctor. A 34 year old man not interested in sex is not normal.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



Cherrymdsn said:


> If these were just tough times I think I could tough it out. And I don't want to leave my husband. I love him. But these don't seem to be hard times. It's just the way he is. He doesn't want sex and I did not know that when I married him, and it doesn't seem right for a man to refuse to have sex with his wife. There is no end in sight or any indication he will ever want to have sex with me.


In this case, the correct course is to discuss opening the relationship so that you can get your needs met with his agreement. If he agrees, then you can do so with a clear conscience (and agree upon any rules that will make this work for you both). If he does not agree, and won't/can't change, then divorce is the ethical option. Even though he has already broken any vows you took, that does not automatically release you from yours, short of ending the marriage.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



Cherrymdsn said:


> I have always been loyal


If you cheat you will never be able to say that about yourself. If you cheat you marriage will most likely end, then if the next guy finds out he will have to decided if he wants to be with a women who cheated. If it was me I would pass even if you gave me this story you posted on here and I believed it was true. You would just be too much of a risk plus I would think we are morally mismatched. I have never cheated on anyone by the way. 

However if you were to tell me you desperately wanted a sexual relationship and were willing to do lots of fun stuff to make that happen, your ex for whatever reason was not into it, so you left. I would think I you would be a great choice and assuming I was attracted to you would start pursuing you strongly. A faithful women who loves sex is like a jackpot to most normal healthy good men.

Listen to us! If this doesn't work out because your husband is gay or too stubborn to get help, or just isn't into you, you WILL survive and it doesn't say anything about your sexual worth or your attractiveness in general, it just says you married bad. Like half the people in the world have that experience. Things end even if you marry good. But right now you have honor, you are not a cheater. Once you cheat you will always be a cheater. That lowers your value when it comes to being a potential mate in mine and many other peoples eyes. Cheater is a label that stays with you the rest of your life. 

Please don't do it, don't passive aggressively deal with this problem. Force his hand, either he gets fixed or you move on. 

One more thing, what if while you are doing this you bump into someone who would be a good choice for you in the future. What if you could have something good and healthy with him but because you didn't deal with this you are still in this situation. There will be no healthy future with this potential new person if it is built on adultery. All that person will be is the guy who helped you break their Daddy's heart. Besides if he is good and won't cheat if you are married he will not pursue you, and you again will have missed your chance. Deal with the issue in your house now and either way you can have a better future tomorrow. Cheating only causes more problems and doesn't even deal with the real issue.

LISTEN TO US!


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You are young, why stay in a sex straved marriage? 

What you going have a long term affairs or just keep hitting one night stands? And just how many affairs are you going to have while being married?

You see that plan does not make a whole lota sense.

You are going to become a cheat and the w-word because you are in a sex starved marriage. 

What example are you setting for your kids? Do the best thing in this situation and divorce. Or end up living like this for the next 20 to 50 years.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

About the onions, raw or cooked?


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Livvie said:


> About the onions, raw or cooked?



I do them raw, mixed with Tuna and a tablespoon of lite Mayo. You can do the Onion juice challenge but I wouldn't recommend it. I lasted 3 days before I started vomiting. Its that disgusting. Cooked onions do just as well so long as its a whole Onion a day. Give it 20 days though you should start noticing effects between 3 to 5 days in.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> You would get sex somewhere else. It's unlikely that would qualify as true fulfillment, which for most people comes from physical intimacy with the same person with whom you share emotional intimacy.


If you have an affair, and things are truly as you say about your emotional attachment and intimacy with your husband,
I can guarantee that when (and, it is a matter of when, not if) your husband finds out about it, any emotional bonding you ever had with him will be OVER. The large likelihood is that it will break your marriage completely and end in a divorce.

I'm not saying it can never be rebuilt again, but if it ever gets rebuilt (and, that's a very big if) it will take years, and possibly decades, before any recovery is sufficiently complete to begin rebuilding.

BTDT. And, things were never the same.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Don't have an affair OP, c'mon - you're better than that. Once you cross that line you can NEVER go back.

Lay it all out on the line to your husband, tell him you're so frustrated that you're considering stepping outside the marriage. If he's like most men, that should shock him into action. If it doesn't, you have a decision to make.


----------



## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I have been married for 6 years and I am considering having an affair. I am in a sexless marriage. I dress nice. I maintain my appearance. I tried to initiate sex with my husband and I tried to see what turns him on but nothing seems to get him interested and when I ask him what he wants he says "nothing." He does not have any medical problems and his job is not that stressful and we have a lot of the same goals and interests and in general get along and are affectionate to one another. I asked him what's wrong and he just says that he has a low sex drive and always has and that it's just not that important to him. I've suggested counseling but he does not think we need that.
> 
> Sex and being desired are important to me and I am feeling so sexually deprived that I am actually considering stepping outside my marriage and seeing someone sexually. I do not want to leave my husband. I love him and we have a child together. But I don't want to go through my life with no sex and no passion. And we have hardly had sex since we conceived our child 5 years ago. And even before that it was sporadic at best. The most interest he ever seemed to have in sex was the one month we were trying to conceive before I got pregnant
> 
> What would you do? Have you ever had an extramarital affair when you still love your spouse? Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse just does not want to have sex with you? I am a woman in my twenties and I am finding it hard to imagine spending the rest of my life without having sex or pleasing a partner or being pursued. Everyone wants to feel wanted and attractive and it seems to me that most people want to have sex, preferably with the person I love. But the person I love doesn't want to have sex with me.


Hi Read Dr. Laura's Proper care and feeding of Marriage. The audio book CD is better. Then Seven principles of making marriage work by Gottman. 

I think something happened that you did or said that hit a chord with him. Something that may have made him scared to ask for something or get something from you and it was turned down. It happened to me and it was the end. I learned something from those books. 

Say this Hone0y at the right time. I need you and I want to learn more about you. I have initiated love making a few times. I am concerned. What is it that happened. What childhood, adolescent, or young adulthood things did you learn about marital sex and relationships. just listen very closely. Don't judge, ask questions. It will get the dialogue going. You share your beliefs too. You may just come to a compromise, clear the air, get back to intimacy. huband and wife are obligated to each other. You just may have to jump him and take charge quite a few times. Listed to audiobook CD called Mating in captivity by Esther Perrel.

The gotttman books will help you both, Expecially look at this by gottman 6 hours a week to a better relationship. https://cdn.gottman.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/6-hours-to-a-better-relationship.pdf

I wish I had a wife like you.... Work, kids, bills, family, exhaustion, illness, depression, a boss giving him a bad time, lack of appreciation my be at fault. It is so important that you think and or do what I wrote.

the five love languages are good too tor read. Oh, those authors I mentioned. The marriage isn't the end game, it is what you do after the wedding to get you and keep you married to 102 years old. Its work but a safetynet.
Write me about this and how successful you are. Oh, get off this sit too and visit to check in. You and I are taking valuable time away from our loved ones. You are 35 ish. you have time and time is too valuable to lose. I am 54 and do I regret it. I know I will have a good turn around and so will you.
David


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

Just spoke with my husband. He says he does not think he has a testosterone problem, that this is just who he is and he doesn't want to go to the doctor. He will not try the onion. He said he will try to do better sexually but honestly didn't even seem all that worked up or concerned when I told him I am having thoughts of straying from the marriage. And I said that I knew he would never forgive me if I did and that I would be a bad person and he said well it would be my fault.


----------



## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

What a shame. I was interested in hearing about his results if he did test his testosterone.


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

He even said that he does feel pressure to have sex with me because I want it, and that means he has to have it. If he doesn't want me to feel temptation.


----------



## Shelley7180 (Jun 11, 2018)

Girl! I’m in the same boat. I’ve tried everything, and my husband would rather watch porn and sleep on the couch. 
You are not alone in your thoughts about straying. I have a BFF from high school that I’ve never looked at as more than a brother type, but recently I feel like I’m getting all the feels for him and I’m terrified. I find myself thinking about him all the time, and I can’t play wingman for him anymore either because I get jealous. 
I don’t want to cheat on my husband either I love him and I love our little family. I completely get where you are coming from.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Cheating is wrong. You know this. If you do this, you lose all character, and good luck ever solving ANY marital problem.


----------



## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Talk to your husband about going to counseling, going to get his testosterone levels checked. Whatever the two of you can do to make this better. Make sure he understands how important this is to you. So important that it could be a deal breaker for the marriage. If you balk at that statement, remember that an affair is also usually a deal breaker. So no matter what, keep your integrity, behave honorably. Do not have an affair.


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Cherrymdsn said:


> Just spoke with my husband. He says he does not think he has a testosterone problem, that this is just who he is and he doesn't want to go to the doctor. He will not try the onion. He said he will try to do better sexually but honestly didn't even seem all that worked up or concerned when I told him I am having thoughts of straying from the marriage. And I said that I knew he would never forgive me if I did and that I would be a bad person and he said well it would be my fault.



Of course he's not going to think he has a problem. But a early to mid 30s male not into sex isn't natural.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

What is his name? How long have you two known each other? When did you start the affair with him? Just saying, by the time people come on here talking about "thinking of cheating" 99.9% of the time they already are and are fishing for justification for their actions.


----------



## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

I too am in a sexless marriage and am seriously considering outsourcing. My wife is 10 years younger and announced a year ago that she just had no libido. And, so what am I supposed to do now. I didn’t say “I do” to a lifetime of celibacy. 

There are other issues as well. She’s a drinker and is usually wasted by 6 p.m. Shes careless with money. She’s gotten fat. 

So, OP there’s another board that might be more help and certainly will be more understanding. Iliasm dot org (stands for I live in a sexless marriage. There’s also some Reddit strings like deadbedted. So you are not alone. It won’t get better. It will get worst.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I merged your two threads. Only one thread on a topic please.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> What is his name? How long have you two known each other? When did you start the affair with him? Just saying, by the time people come on here talking about "thinking of cheating" 99.9% of the time they already are and are fishing for justification for their actions.


Wow, if a man comes here and says he's in a sexless marriage, he gets sympathy and even told to go have an affair.

But a woman in a sexless marriage is accused of cheating because her husband does not want sex?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here's a thread for you to read. It's long, so read at least the first couple of pages...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/350970-sex-starved-wife.html


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

First off.. forget about the affair, either get an open marriage or leave him. If you have an affair, he will most likely find out and dump you. Most men do not stay married to women who cheat. So you might as well leave him if you are so driven to cheat.

Tell us a bit about your marriage. What are the things that your husband is upset about, especially with you?


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

I have considered what he might be upset about but I have not come to any conclusions. We get along the vast majority of the time. We have an occasional fight like anybody else does but overall things are pretty steady and even. And he has had low sex drive pretty much since we got married and I don't know what he could have been mad about for 6 years. Basically as soon as we got married. I have tried asking him both directly and in a roundabout way if he is upset about anything and what I could do better as wife. And he always says he is perfectly happy with me and that our marriage is good. So that doesn't really leave me with any answers. Tonight when I brought up the subject of being tempted and of needing sex more often he said that he never really thinks about sex.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> > What is his name? How long have you two known each other? When did you start the affair with him? Just saying, by the time people come on here talking about "thinking of cheating" 99.9% of the time they already are and are fishing for justification for their actions.
> ...


I've accused men of the same things. Dont put these double standards that exist in others but do not exist in me on me. I would never tell a man to cheat or give any sympathy to a man for wanting to cheat. I would call him a coward. If I could say it more harshly than that on this forum without getting a week long ban for personal attacks I would.


----------



## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

Cherrymdsn said:


> He even said that he does feel pressure to have sex with me because I want it, and that means he has to have it. If he doesn't want me to feel temptation.




well, , that could be the true reason. He may find it very unattractive and a turn off that you demand sex. some men do not appreciate it and loose interest.


or, he masturbates a lot and has simply no desires left for sex with you.


----------



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

You are young and too young to feel this way. I would seek counseling and figure it out from there. Yes, we marry the man we love, have children and think happy thoughts thru marriage as there is no means for divorce. But again, you are in your 20's so think about that. I had dated my hubs for 2 years- thought everything was perfect even sex. Once married and kids he had no desire. I started looking outside of my marriage and realized it was not me. We finally went to counseling and his anxiety is what affected intimacy. He chose NOT to do anything about this or just doesn't care. Here we are 18 years later and I'm still struggling with it. I would make him go to counseling either for himself or marriage counseling with you. It's fine that he is not sexual as he could be Asexual BUT are you willing to live with that? It's going to be really tough. And when I had my affair, I fell in love and got hurt-- not fun at all!


----------



## mclee (Jun 9, 2018)

Maybe he's shooting at another firing range , if you know what I mean?


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

I don't know if he's masturbating too much or not. But it's more likely to be that then being turned off that I asked for sex because sometimes I quit asking for sex for months to give him the chance to lead and initiate and he does nothing.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Cherrymdsn said:


> Tonight when I brought up the subject of being tempted and of needing sex more often he said that he never really thinks about sex.


Well, it could be that your husband is asexual. There are folks in the world who are perfectly happy leading sexless lives. You may have one of those.

You keep insisting you love your husband. The thing is, you don't want a sexless marriage. He does. So you have a choice to make: Live in a basically sexless marriage or end the marriage.

NO, CHEATING IS NOT AN OPTION. Why? Because a wife who loves her husband does not cheat. Cheaters cheat. 

The ball is in your court. He is telling/showing you who he is. Believe him.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I don't know if he's masturbating too much or not. But it's more likely to be that then being turned off that I asked for sex because sometimes I quit asking for sex for months to give him the chance to lead and initiate and he does nothing.


Waiting will get you nowhere. If he never initiates, hes not going to suddenly start doing it. You have to do it 95% of the time or get used to no sex. 

Your choices are easy. You simply state how you feel, do all that you can from your end and give 100% effort to change this situation. Actually you give 130% effort, your 100% and pick him up and drag him to the doctor, to counseling, a sex therapist, that is you doing about 30% of his work. Exhaust all you can and frankly as much as I don't like them, you given an ultimatum. It changes or you leave. After you have done everything, and if there is no change, you file for divorce and you move on. End of story. Cheating is losing yourself. It is a cowards way of not facing the hard work this challange brings you. To try and skirt around the issue in your marriage and not face it head on. Its a losers mentality. Sometimes the challenge becomes letting go and simply moving on without him. So be it! 

Your wanting to cheat is a coward's quest. A losers goal to avoid an issue. To take what your husband gives you now, and take from others what he doesn't give you. Cake eating! To play others, while really just playing yourself at the same time and looking for justification for it from other losers who feel the same way. "Woe is me, I'm too scared to actually put in the WORK or WALK AWAY, so I'll seek sympathy and justification for my terrible actions and choices and for being a complete coward." You will get no sympathy from me. 

Put a timeline in your head, 2 years, 3 years... Then put in the work. If nothing changes by the end of your deadline, you walk. File and move on. Then go get what was missing in your marriage. You wont have lost yourself and lost your integrity and you can walk away with your head held high as a person who did all they could do and you wont have any regrets. 

Time to get to work.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I love him


That's not love. What about honesty and integrity?

IF your husband signs off on it then sleep with whom you like, if not you're setting yourself up for trouble.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Since you over him....

Get his permission to take on casual lovers..

This should wake him up!


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK here is what I think you should know:

First of all, do not cheat - and this is not just for his sake but for yours too. Do not become that sort of person when you are clearly not that kind of person.

Next, here are a few considerations on him:

*Low testosterone*: there is a high possibility that this is the problem. Many men do not like to admit it and you should have it checked anyway. Insist on it being done asap (complete with taking booster injections and eating onions if necessary) or else be ready to walk away from this marriage.

*ED or other medical problem*: again a high chance that this is the problem and to be treated in a similar way to the above (low testosterone).

*Porn and masturbation*: another very common reason for "low sex drive". You will need to check this and then if it is a problem, confront him on it and come to a mutual agreement on him stopping it and seeing if that helps. Again, this is important enough to be ready to walk away if he does not play ball.

*Gay*: he could very well be a homosexual and even not know for sure. This is really tough because coming out is a journey that he has to go through himself. And you having to go through it with him is tough because you will feel pain every step of the way and the end result is not easy if he is in fact gay. I would say this is also the hardest to broach with him and you will need professional help here from counsellors.

*Infidelity*: finally, on the off chance that he is actually getting his needs met elsewhere, then you need to snoop, get evidence and then confront and file for divorce. That is a whole different ball game and TAM is a good place to be to learn what to do every step of the way.

This is a toughie especially for one so young to go through but it is far better to find out now rather than years down the line. I wish you the best and hope you come through this as soon as possible.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



Jharp said:


> *Its possible he might have Low Testosterone levels*. Testosterone is strongly linked with the Male sex drive as many well know. I would suggest testosterone boosters and or having him take the Onion challenge. Eating a full onion a day to help boost T levels. Once they get back to normal and start increasing past normal, his sex drive will reappear with a vengeance.


I never heard the onion thing before, has it been proven to work?


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



Jharp said:


> Its possible he might have Low Testosterone levels. Testosterone is strongly linked with the Male sex drive as many well know. I would suggest testosterone boosters and or having him take the Onion challenge. Eating a full onion a day to help boost T levels. Once they get back to normal and start increasing past normal, his sex drive will reappear with a vengeance.


After eating the onion. The honey-dun...

Have him brush his teeth and then use mouthwash.
If he does not do this, this will raise his libido and lower yours!


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Guys, this one if pretty easy...

OP, your husband is either gay, or asexual, those are the only two possibilities. Nobodies testosterone is that low, it is another issue.

Effectively, they mean the same for you.

Divorce or tell him that you are going to have an open marriage. (Not that I recommend that)

You would not be the first women to divorce a gay or asexual man. 

Those are really your only choices.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> Guys, this one if pretty easy...
> 
> OP, your husband is either gay, or asexual, those are the only two possibilities. Nobodies testosterone is that low, it is another issue.
> 
> ...


THANK YOU

Normal men want to have sex with their wives. Yes I just called me in who don't have sex or want to have sex abnormal. This is not your fault OP. That said, If you cheat, that will be your fault. Then he will be just as selfish as he is. Make your choices based on good character, and not dependent upon what your husband does.


----------



## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Did you not know your husband had low drive before you married him? I find it hard to believe you didn't know before you decided to finally tie the knot with him. If you did know why didn't you leave him then?


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I truly love my husband, but I am finding myself so sex starved that I am actually fantasizing about other men and flirting with them too.


Then seat down with your husband and tell him exactly what you are tell us. Everything.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cherrymdsn said:


> He even said that he does feel pressure to have sex with me because I want it, and that means he has to have it. If he doesn't want me to feel temptation.


Are you sure your husband loves you. 

It sounds like he doesn’t give a damn one way or the other. 

Doesn’t sound like he really cares anything for you. 

Send a wake up call. File for divorce and have him served.


----------



## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Never have an affair. 

Divorce if you need to but do this honorably. Ends things first with your husband before you have sex with another person. 

Have a "come to Jesus" moment. Things sound pretty bad. You should probably tell him what you told us. Things have gone so far that you can't do it anymore, you are considering sex outside of the marriage, sexual intimacy and being desired are that important to you. Maybe it will shock him into taking some action together with you to heal this issue or he'll not care and you can have that peace of knowing your relationship is truly dead. 

Don't do the dishonorable thing of pretending to be a faithful spouse but lie and betray the other person. If there is no hope and your marriage is dead than do the hard but right thing of ending it first, than you are free to move on.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I have considered what he might be upset about but I have not come to any conclusions. We get along the vast majority of the time. We have an occasional fight like anybody else does but overall things are pretty steady and even. And he has had low sex drive pretty much since we got married and I don't know what he could have been mad about for 6 years. Basically as soon as we got married. I have tried asking him both directly and in a roundabout way if he is upset about anything and what I could do better as wife. And he always says he is perfectly happy with me and that our marriage is good. So that doesn't really leave me with any answers. Tonight when I brought up the subject of being tempted and of needing sex more often he said that he never really thinks about sex.


Translation: I hardly ever think about you and your needs in our relationship. I don’t care if your needs are being fulfilled or not. 

Sorry but it sounds as if he married you to be his live in house keeper/maid. 

My wife and I waited until our wedding night by her choice/beliefs. Found out soon that she was LD and I was HD. We both compromised and were together 3/5 times a week. We worked together because we were in love with one another. 

This doesn’t sound like your relationship. Best friends maybe but he isn’t in love with you. It sounds like you love him with all you are and it has blinded you. You don’t see or can’t imagine that he doesn’t feel the same.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I don't know if he's masturbating too much or not. But it's more likely to be that then being turned off that I asked for sex because sometimes I quit asking for sex for months to give him the chance to lead and initiate and he does nothing.


:surprise:

Sorry but I can’t even imagine this scenario in my entire 30 year marriage. Even with the problems my wife and I have gone through. The first eight to ten years was great. I would come home from work at times and find a note posted saying hit the shower. Then I would find her in something nice and candles lit. Remember she was the LD one, but WE were in love.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't. 

You have no idea what that will do to your marriage -- and not in a good way.


----------



## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I just love my husband so much that I don't want to leave him. And he says he loves me. But he just does not want to have sex. I almost wonder if having an affair would help the relationship. I could continue loving my husband and doing nice things for him and raising our child with him, without pressuring him and asking him for something he doesn't want to give. The pressure would be off him. I would get fulfillment somewhere else.


If he REALLY, REALLY loved you, he'd do anything necessary to figure out whats wrong and get help, and if he has to start taking one for the team, then so be it.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

BruceBanner said:


> Did you not know your husband had low drive before you married him? I find it hard to believe you didn't know before you decided to finally tie the knot with him. If you did know why didn't you leave him then?


I know it's hard for certain people to believe, but some people still wait until marriage for sex. maybe they did.

Regardless, putting the blame on her is a stupid, albeit predictable, move.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

Cherrymdsn said:


> Just spoke with my husband. He says he does not think he has a testosterone problem, that this is just who he is and he doesn't want to go to the doctor. He will not try the onion. He said he will try to do better sexually but honestly didn't even seem all that worked up or concerned when I told him I am having thoughts of straying from the marriage. And I said that I knew he would never forgive me if I did and that I would be a bad person and he said well it would be my fault.


Is it possible that he is gay or bisexual?

His lack of upset may be that he is already "straying".

You should have told him it would indeed be your fault if you cheated, but that his denying you would be a contributing factor. He is not upholding his marital responsibility to you.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

People find time, make effort and do things that they enjoy and is a priority to them. He does not like having sex, maybe he is asexual. At first he put in effort to cement the marriage now that he thinks they are good and the kids have added stability to the marriage, he no longer has to make an effort. Now that he know what she is thinking in regards to the affairs and he has already placed the blame squarely on her, it's time for OP to decide what she wants for herself.

She will either become a cheat and stay in a sexless marriage. Then, once hubby finds out she cheated, he will start treating her like ****. 

Or, she can exit the marriage.

Or, she can buy some toys and have fun by herself and stay in her sexless marriage and be lonely without intimacy from her husband. 

Choices.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

In a word, no, don't have an affair. Now, to break things apart a little…

Sex and being desired is very important in any relationship, and if you're not getting what you need, you need to sit down with your H and have a calm, non-judgemental talk about what you need in the marriage. Hopefully he'll be responsive, and if not, ask him to go to marriage/sex counselling with you. I would get on this before more damage is done to the marriage. Does he by chance think that everything is fine and dandy?

A thought: most men love sex and want sex often. If you guys aren't getting it from each other, are you 100% sure that he's not getting it from elsewhere? It could be that he truly just does have a really low drive (much like my own STBXH), but it could be that he's found a little side action as well. 

To answer your question, no, I haven't had an extramarital affair, but like you, I considered it. Like you, I'm HD and was married to a LD man. Sex during the time we were dating was great, but he cut if off after marriage. It was bait and switch, and it got to the point where I talked to him about having an open marriage, and thought about cheating. What I ended up doing was burning out 3 vibrators in almost 4 years, and trying to extinguish my own drive. That ended up working, and sex was something I ended up never wanting from him; I did it because I had to. Is this the kind of life that you want to end up having? I can attest that it's not much fun!


----------



## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

Or, you can hang on for another four years...cheat to get your needs met during that time. Then divorce him after a 10-year marriage, a "long-term marriage" in the eyes of a no-fault court system. Take half of everything he has, including retirement accounts. Quit your job about a year before you file. Then you can go for spousal support. 

It'll be the best screwing he's had for a long time, and one he richly deserves for being a jerk. Also, most satisfying for you.

Just joking....

No.


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

I have talked to my husband again, this time after researching asexuality as some kind people on this thread have suggested. A lot of it sounds like him. So I read off some symptoms to him to see what he thought. He said it did sound like him, and that maybe he is asexual. It is hard to know what to do with that. I love my husband. We have a life together, and a child. But I am struggling with this sexless life.


----------



## Cherrymdsn (Jun 11, 2018)

I mentioned stepping outside our marriage and he said he would cry. I said that through reading some stories of spouses of asexual people, getting permission to have a lover is common. He asked if I wanted that. I didn't know what to say. I feel like maybe I do, but I don't want to hurt him or hurt my marriage. I might try porn again, but that isn't really what I am looking for. I want connection. Maybe I should find a compromise between porn and a full blown affair, and have a dirty online relationship. At least that might be a tiny release and may bother my husband less. 

But what I really long for is touch and penetration.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cheating isn't going to fix this nor is opening your marriage. I think what you really want is long term physical intimacy with your spouse. It's what most healthy people desire, it's a wonderful natural thing that we all need and celebrate. I think because of this you need to really consider divorce, as your situations even if you do the best you can is not sustainable. 

I will tell you what I tell all posters who come here who are in a sexless marriage. I read a post one time from a guy who was in the same situation as you, it really changed my whole idea on this situation, or at least convinced me without a shadow of a doubt that if one party is unwilling to work to fix it (assuming that are not physically incapable), you MUST leave. So this guy's wife had told him she didn't want sex with him because she just didn't have the desire anymore and was asexual (change of life and all that). He loved his wife and in all other ways she was great so he decided he would sustain himself with porn because sex was not enough to choose to end his "great" marriage over. 

That was until a few years later when he caught her having an affair. It was at that point he realized that it wasn't that she had no desire to have sex, it was that she had no desire to have sex with him. Thing is she may not have been lying when she said she was done, she may have even believed that all her desire was gone, but that didn't matter. It didn't matter that they both were wrong or even if it was (though I tend to doubt it) said in good faith. Where his mistake really was, was in his perception of his marriage. He thought he had a good marriage and she was a good wife. But he was absolutely, totally wrong. Their marriage was very broken and she was a terrible wife because she had abandoned him in one of the primary functions of what a marriage is. A primary functions of what you need provide for your spouse. Physical intimacy, and she didn't even think it was important! Or worse she was selfish enough not to want to work on it for him. Is it any surprise that someone who thinks this selfishly eventually had an affair?

Finally because you may still think cheating is the answer I am going to copy what I wrote in another post to someone who has cheated, it gives (at least in my mind) some really good ramifications of cheating as to how it will affect you if you do. Even with your daughter though you may not be think of this now as she is very young and won't know any better. Make no mistake she will know one day. 




> Unfortunately now you are a cheater, that is a title that doesn't ever go away. You will have to decide what kind of person you will be moving forward, will you tell the next person you are with that you did this? Will you try to hide it with the chance that they may find out later. There is no easy way to deal with that but it's something you will have to think about and it will probably lower your pool of potential mates. However lying about it will probably damage your relationship greatly if it is ever discovered because at that point you will have shown yourself to be dishonest which fits into the pattern of a cheater. No one wants to be married to a cheater who has not reformed enough to be honest about their past. At that point it would be wise to have doubts about this persons honesty.
> 
> I think from your words you don't get the magnitude of your decision and the impact is will have on your life. Cheating is more then doing something to someone else in the end you do it to yourself as you harm yourself and unfortunately it changes the perceptions others have of you. I say this not to put you down but to give you some idea of some things that may come up in your future. I have some experience as my Father cheated on my Mother when I was a child.
> 
> ...


I think your path is clear here (again at least in my mind) though it is a very difficult and painful one. You need to be courageous and do the right thing even if it is hard. In the end you will have a better chance for a happy life if you do. But even more importantly you will have an honorable one. What you want is entirely realistic and totally fair, but you need a partner who is willing to love you enough to work at it with you.


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



manwithnoname said:


> I never heard the onion thing before, has it been proven to work?



Yes.

Here are just a few articles on it.

Onions Can Significantly Increase Testosterone Levels - Fitness and Power

https://mysupremacy.com/natural-testosterone-booster/

https://bold-ape.co/secret-testosterone-booster/


Under no circumstances do the Onion juice thing. I made it three days before my stomach revolted. But eating them raw or cooked, so long as its a whole onion. My buddy at work started this a few weeks before I did. He said he felt a lot 'better' after about a week or so. Which is consistent with when the studies said you might feel some effects. But the true effects aren't really felt until about 20 days in.


----------



## ILoveWomen (Jun 11, 2018)

Please don't do it. Fantasy is fine but an affair is almost certain to end your marriage. You would be kicking the can down the road hoping you can get the intimacy you crave yet keeping your husband. If you truly love your husband and take a moment to thing what that means; the idea of actually resorting to adultery should not be in your head. If he will not come around if there is nothing that can be done so you get the intimacy that any wife deserves then time to call it quits I think.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I have talked to my husband again, this time after researching asexuality as some kind people on this thread have suggested. A lot of it sounds like him. So I read off some symptoms to him to see what he thought. He said it did sound like him, and that maybe he is asexual. It is hard to know what to do with that. I love my husband. We have a life together, and a child. But I am struggling with this sexless life.





Cherrymdsn said:


> I mentioned stepping outside our marriage and he said he would cry. I said that through reading some stories of spouses of asexual people, getting permission to have a lover is common. He asked if I wanted that. I didn't know what to say. I feel like maybe I do, but I don't want to hurt him or hurt my marriage. I might try porn again, but that isn't really what I am looking for. I want connection. Maybe I should find a compromise between porn and a full blown affair, and have a dirty online relationship. At least that might be a tiny release and may bother my husband less.
> 
> But what I really long for is touch and penetration.


Listen, the first thing that you may want to understand about asexuality, is that I don't think that it can be fixed. I think it is like trying to FIX someone who is gay, not sure that it works. 

Now, you don't want to hurt him, but what about the fact that a healthy young women wants to have sex with her husband and he is not providing that. 

While, in most cases, I don't advise going outside your marriage, how in the world can he SAY he would cry when he is denying you a basic married need? 

That is complete BS. 

Bottom line, he is asexual and you, in order to be happy, need to divorce him and find an actual man that likes sex. They are not that hard to find....


----------



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Having been on both sides of this coin, more than once, they never end well. Enter them with the knowledge that you have taken your first steps down the path to destroying your marriage. No matter what you think, or how careful you feel you are, you will be caught or have it impact your marriage in a negative way. Even the few couples that both divorced their spouses to get married to each other, ended up cheating on each other once the taboo and excitement of cheating went away and the nagging about taking out the trash or buying too many shoes kicked in.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP
I'm also in a near-sexless marriage, so I understand what you are going through. I would not fault you if you cheat - I don't think anyone who has not been in this situation really understand just how bad it is. 

That said, cheating is probably not ideal. If you just have a random hookup, it will just probably just feel sordid. If you find someone really nice, being desired will be so wonderful that you will fall in love and leave your husband anyway. 

I suggest looking at a site asexuality.org. It won't solve things, but it will let you understand the feelings of people who have no desire for sex


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I didn't read everything before my last post. You have investigated asexuality and it sounds like him. If that is true it is NEVER going to get better. 

So you are left with Leave, Cheat, Live like a Nun.

Those are horrible choices, but they are the ones you get. I would not fault you for any of those choices.

I chose to live like a Monk. 30 years into marriage, I believe that was the wrong choice. 

I think leaving is the best option. You have no idea just how happy you will be when you find someone who desires you, and he will be happier when he finds someone compatible. 

That said, I will not judge you for cheating - I understand how you feel. People who have not interacted with an asexual really do not understand what it feels like. 




Cherrymdsn said:


> I mentioned stepping outside our marriage and he said he would cry. I said that through reading some stories of spouses of asexual people, getting permission to have a lover is common. He asked if I wanted that. I didn't know what to say. I feel like maybe I do, but I don't want to hurt him or hurt my marriage. I might try porn again, but that isn't really what I am looking for. I want connection. Maybe I should find a compromise between porn and a full blown affair, and have a dirty online relationship. At least that might be a tiny release and may bother my husband less.
> 
> But what I really long for is touch and penetration.


----------



## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

If he loves you and he knows you need this he should give it to you whether he's in the mood or not. Your desire for sex/intimacy is just as valid and important as his "not needing it and thinking about it".


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

uhtred said:


> OP
> I'm also in a near-sexless marriage, so I understand what you are going through. I would not fault you if you cheat - I don't think anyone who has not been in this situation really understand just how bad it is.
> 
> That said, cheating is probably not ideal. If you just have a random hookup, it will just probably just feel sordid. If you find someone really nice, being desired will be so wonderful that you will fall in love and leave your husband anyway.
> ...


So I have no idea what this is really like for both of you. And @uhtred I have not kept up with any of your threads lately I just see your posts. 

But the reason that I don't know how horrible it is... is because I don't think any healthy, even regular sex drive, person would stay in a relationship like this. I would never stand for it. 

If someone is asexual, or super low drive, they should not get married and "Trick" the other person into marrying them. 

I will tell both of you ladies what I see a parties with my GF. I see beautiful women that may care for their husbands at some level, but they hang around ME and MY GF. They know through various conversations or from knowing about me in the past, not biblically but they know women that know me, they see how loving and how in love and how sexually satisfied we both are, if you can understand that. 

In this group, the women flirt with me which I ignore, but some of them long for a relationship like ours. Totally in love, totally affectionate, totally satisfying in every way, basically totally happy. 

The look of longing that I see in some of these women is truly heart breaking. How any partner can do that to someone that they claim to love is something I will never, ever understand. 

Frankly, I urge both of you to make a break and try to find true happiness, because I promise it is out there...


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Many things are important to a happy relationship and its possible to have a wonderful relationship except for a very bad sexual mismatch. So people like me and probably the OP feel "stuck". The relationship seems "wonderful" except for this one critical missing ingredient. We love our partners and don't want to hurt them - and we know that leaving them would be devastating. 

My wife seems unable understand how unhappy I am. She is near asexual and it simply doesn't register. To her, my leaving would be a horrible betrayal. It would be like locking your dog out in the cold and never letting it back in the house. 

What is so frustrating is for life to be so close to perfect - but with this one gaping hole. 


Yes, women flirt with me and I know I have options outside of my marriage. Its so indescribably frustrating to be generally considered attractive by women except for the one I care about. 





BluesPower said:


> So I have no idea what this is really like for both of you. And @uhtred I have not kept up with any of your threads lately I just see your posts.
> 
> But the reason that I don't know how horrible it is... is because I don't think any healthy, even regular sex drive, person would stay in a relationship like this. I would never stand for it.
> 
> ...


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

uhtred said:


> Many things are important to a happy relationship and its possible to have a wonderful relationship except for a very bad sexual mismatch. There's a difference between a happy relationship and a wonderful relationship, and you have neither if you are missing a CRITICAL elementSo people like me and probably the OP feel "stuck". The relationship seems "wonderful" except for this one critical missing ingredient. Those of us that haven't been in your shoes can't understand how you can call a relationship wonderful when your basic needs aren't being met and it's making you unhappy. We love our partners and don't want to hurt them - and we know that leaving them would be devastating. The choice that you've made is that you put your partner's needs above your own which is not a tactic that is likely to give you an outcome that you'd enjoy.
> 
> My wife seems unable understand how unhappy I am. She would understand it if her choice actually had the real consequences of you leaving. She is near asexual and it simply doesn't register. To her, my leaving would be a horrible betrayal. Why do you put her needs above your own? Her not having sex with you is an equally big betrayal, so why does she get to be selfish at your expense and you have to sacrifice at her expense? It would be like locking your dog out in the cold and never letting it back in the house. Using your analogy - Not every dog should get access to every house. Only the dogs that deserve it get fed, sheltered, and loved. The rest get taken to the pound to find a more suitable home.
> 
> ...


In life you have choices and those choices have consequences. The choice to stay with an asexual partner comes with the consequence of not being sexually satisfied or having to cheat and then not being morally happy with the person you've become. There is a clear answer here and that is to address the problem openly and honestly with your partner and then deal with it by fixing it or divorcing and finding someone more suitable. An affair is generally a bad idea and doesn't need to happen to address these problems.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

uhtred said:


> Many things are important to a happy relationship and its possible to have a wonderful relationship except for a very bad sexual mismatch. So people like me and probably the OP feel "stuck". The relationship seems "wonderful" except for this one critical missing ingredient. We love our partners and don't want to hurt them - and we know that leaving them would be devastating.
> 
> My wife seems unable understand how unhappy I am. She is near asexual and it simply doesn't register. To her, my leaving would be a horrible betrayal. It would be like locking your dog out in the cold and never letting it back in the house.
> 
> ...


No, sorry. Your basic premise is incorrect IMHO. It is not possible to have a "wonderful relationship" and a bad sexual mismatch. 

Some say that it is, I beg to differ. Someone is not going to be happy so it cannot be a "wonderful relationship". It could be a good roommate relationship, it could be a functional friends relationship, it could be a good co-parenting relationship, but it is not a wonderful romantic relationship. 

For my money, anyone that settles for that is in denial. Or, they have never actually had a wonderful relationship.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I intended to imply "otherwise wonderful", sorry if my language didn't imply that. 

Many people find that they need to compromise in marriage - some a little, some a lot. 

I do agree though that during our low sex times, what I have is a good roommate. I guess that is better than a bad marriage. \

There are some really good things in our marriage. In particular her agreement to not have kids is more important to me than her not wanting sex. I'd rather live sexless without children then have daily hot sex with kids in the house. My choice, not implying that is right for anyone else. 

If I had it do to over, I would have chosen differently, but it really is too late for that choice now. 



BluesPower said:


> No, sorry. Your basic premise is incorrect IMHO. It is not possible to have a "wonderful relationship" and a bad sexual mismatch.
> 
> Some say that it is, I beg to differ. Someone is not going to be happy so it cannot be a "wonderful relationship". It could be a good roommate relationship, it could be a functional friends relationship, it could be a good co-parenting relationship, but it is not a wonderful romantic relationship.
> 
> For my money, anyone that settles for that is in denial. Or, they have never actually had a wonderful relationship.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Since she (in my case) or he (in the OP's case) is unwilling / unable (it doesn't matter which) to fix it, you are saying divorce is the best choice?

Could be, but its not clear either persons life would be improved by that, it depends on the particular situation. 




Bananapeel said:


> In life you have choices and those choices have consequences. The choice to stay with an asexual partner comes with the consequence of not being sexually satisfied or having to cheat and then not being morally happy with the person you've become. There is a clear answer here and that is to address the problem openly and honestly with your partner and then deal with it by fixing it or divorcing and finding someone more suitable. An affair is generally a bad idea and doesn't need to happen to address these problems.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> Wow, if a man comes here and says he's in a sexless marriage, he gets sympathy and even told to go have an affair.
> 
> But a woman in a sexless marriage is accused of cheating because her husband does not want sex?


That is flat-out untrue.

I would have the same advice for either gender.

If he will not change, then end the marriage. Do not cheat. Why humiliate the man you say you love?

Keep your dignity.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

uhtred said:


> Since she (in my case) or he (in the OP's case) is unwilling / unable (it doesn't matter which) to fix it, you are saying divorce is the best choice?
> 
> Could be, but its not clear either persons life would be improved by that, it depends on the particular situation.


For me, I am saying that unequivocally, yes, yes a thousand time yes. 

And I was going to leave this thread alone, but it just can't. 

Whether you are Christian, or other religion, a humanist, or whatever, it you believe in a higher power, then that higher power put sex out there for us to enjoy, mutually. 

If you don't believe in any higher power, then from a humanistic point of view, sex is in our normal nature. 

If sex is not important to a particular person, then that person, IMHO, should not get involved in a romantic relationship. 

Now, maybe I am being dogmatic, but in a romantic relationship, the romance part culminates with sex, pleasing your partner, feeling that physical closeness, and heavy breathing. 

I am not some type of sexual fiend, but I am a highly sexual, healthy male human being. I like sex in general, but I love sex in a romantic relationship with a woman that I am in love with. If there is no sex, well there is no relationship. 

I just have a hard time looking at it any other way. I think that the vast majority of human beings think kind of the same way, but I could be wrong...


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

You can live with a best friend, a sibling, or a parent, and have a good roommate. There is nothing about having your spouse seen as a good roommate that makes your marriage anything more than being a roommate. That isn't a marriage in my book. 

To touch on what blues just said, in religious scripture it talks about the importance of sex within a marriage. If you aren't religious, why get married? Outside of sex with your partner, what is the actual point? You can live with a bunch of different people and and be there for support, financial stability, friendship... But without sex, in my opinion you are only "married" in the eyes of the state, not in practice. This is why the word "roommate" is often brought up in a sexless marriage. Because even the people who are married no longer feel like they are in marriage with their spouse. They feel like a roommate. 

Again. If the sex isn't there why get married? It is actually the only reason to do so. Unless you are just with each other for the tax break and/or immigration laws. But then you aren't really married in the traditional sense of the word, you are just using the state for financial gain. You are essentially business partners.

A healthy sexual relationship is the only true thing that makes marriage different from any other relationship you have. If you don't have that within your marriage, you aren't truly married in my eyes. You are something else. 

Also, if life was so wonderful outside of sex within your marriage, and sex within your marriage wasn't such a big deal, you wouldn't be on TAM in the first place.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Life is too short to live in a sexless marriage. This wont change.

I'd divorce him and move on. Find someone you can be happy and compatable with.

You can read all the books you want it'll never change.


----------



## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

You got someone in mind?

Why affair? Too much hassle. Unless you are planning to leave husband eventually.

Try scheduling date night/sex once or twice a week and stick to it.

Also check his internet browser history; it will tell you what he likes (which is hopefully not something too penis-related).



Cherrymdsn said:


> I have been married for 6 years and I am considering having an affair. I am in a sexless marriage. I dress nice. I maintain my appearance. I tried to initiate sex with my husband and I tried to see what turns him on but nothing seems to get him interested and when I ask him what he wants he says "nothing." He does not have any medical problems and his job is not that stressful and we have a lot of the same goals and interests and in general get along and are affectionate to one another. I asked him what's wrong and he just says that he has a low sex drive and always has and that it's just not that important to him. I've suggested counseling but he does not think we need that.
> 
> Sex and being desired are important to me and I am feeling so sexually deprived that I am actually considering stepping outside my marriage and seeing someone sexually. I do not want to leave my husband. I love him and we have a child together. But I don't want to go through my life with no sex and no passion. And we have hardly had sex since we conceived our child 5 years ago. And even before that it was sporadic at best. The most interest he ever seemed to have in sex was the one month we were trying to conceive before I got pregnant
> 
> What would you do? Have you ever had an extramarital affair when you still love your spouse? Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse just does not want to have sex with you? I am a woman in my twenties and I am finding it hard to imagine spending the rest of my life without having sex or pleasing a partner or being pursued. Everyone wants to feel wanted and attractive and it seems to me that most people want to have sex, preferably with the person I love. But the person I love doesn't want to have sex with me.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



Jharp said:


> Yes.
> 
> Here are just a few articles on it.
> 
> ...


Just wondering what size of onion? I've seen a big range of sizes. If I do this, I want to use the smallest amount that will work.


----------



## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

Years ago, I had a very close friend who was living in a sexless marriage; she was very HD and actually paid her husband to have sex with her when she got a bonus. She had multiple affairs, I know about some of them. One night she called me and her husband had asked for a divorce because HE had fallen in love with the woman he was currently having an affair with! Apparently, his LD was strictly for her.

She died several years ago; she was still married to husband #2 because she had cancer and he loved her enough to keep her on his insurance, but she was living with the man she was in love with at that time.

My husband was her friend, too, but he never saw the "man magnet" that she apparently carried around with her; it wasn't her looks, I can tell you that for sure. I miss her, we were each others' "excuse" a few times when I was seeing my husband but still married (separated) to my ex.


----------



## just here (May 25, 2018)

I saw mention of the testorone test. What about sleep apnea? If he snores or sleeps with his mouth open, he has sleep apnea. I have it from a deviated septum and getting a cpap was a huge quality of life improvement. 

As a guy (not saying you don't do this) but it's really wonderful when the wife goes into the effort of being our fantasy. Use your imagination and enjoy each other. Nothing wrong with making the first move either. I'm not talking about talking either. 

If you got caught and you broke his heart, would cheating have been worth it? You gotta remember prison is full of people who thought they could get away with it. 

If you're going to cheat, be careful not to fall in what you think is love and you better do it with someone who has as much to lose as you. I'm saying not to enable you but I've been around too many cheaters and seen the drama that comes with it. 

Would self satisfaction help you get by?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I have been married for 6 years and I am considering having an affair. I am in a sexless marriage. I dress nice. I maintain my appearance. I tried to initiate sex with my husband and I tried to see what turns him on but nothing seems to get him interested and when I ask him what he wants he says "nothing." He does not have any medical problems and his job is not that stressful and we have a lot of the same goals and interests and in general get along and are affectionate to one another. I asked him what's wrong and he just says that he has a low sex drive and always has and that it's just not that important to him. I've suggested counseling but he does not think we need that.
> 
> Sex and being desired are important to me and I am feeling so sexually deprived that I am actually considering stepping outside my marriage and seeing someone sexually. I do not want to leave my husband. I love him and we have a child together. But I don't want to go through my life with no sex and no passion. And we have hardly had sex since we conceived our child 5 years ago. And even before that it was sporadic at best. The most interest he ever seemed to have in sex was the one month we were trying to conceive before I got pregnant
> 
> What would you do? Have you ever had an extramarital affair when you still love your spouse? Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse just does not want to have sex with you? I am a woman in my twenties and I am finding it hard to imagine spending the rest of my life without having sex or pleasing a partner or being pursued. Everyone wants to feel wanted and attractive and it seems to me that most people want to have sex, preferably with the person I love. But the person I love doesn't want to have sex with me.


Don't cheat. Divorce.

Do not put up with this because it is ridiculous.

He isn't healthy at some level and if he will not do anything to remedy it, you have little choice.

I think it is a crime against nature to perpetrate a sexless marriage on someone, especially so young.

Your love is a bit lopsided BTW. He apparently isn't willing to put in the effort to love you.

I fully approved of a divorce several years ago, in a church community, where a young bride could not get sex from her dip **** husband.

If you don't want to get laid, don't get married! 

Sheesh!!


----------



## jrpmom1 (Jun 11, 2018)

I agree that it could be a medical issue. Sounds like he has low testosterone and needs some replacement medication! I would absolutely go that route and just be honest with him that you aren't able to live that way. If he isn't willing to fix it, end the relationship. It's not at all fair to cheat. You wouldn't want to be cheated on either. Not that don't I don't understand where you are coming from! Is the right thing to do would be to be honest.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cherrymdsn said:


> I mentioned stepping outside our marriage and he said he would cry. I said that through reading some stories of spouses of asexual people, getting permission to have a lover is common. He asked if I wanted that. I didn't know what to say. I feel like maybe I do, but I don't want to hurt him or hurt my marriage. I might try porn again, but that isn't really what I am looking for. I want connection. Maybe I should find a compromise between porn and a full blown affair, and have a dirty online relationship. At least that might be a tiny release and may bother my husband less.
> 
> But what I really long for is touch and penetration.


Re read this. You said it yourself in this post. 

You are looking for an emotional connection and intimacy. Not just sex. 

You will end up leaving your husband at one point. Your choice for it to be before you get attracted to another or before you destroy your family and your character.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

From what you have written about this, your husband seems very dismissive to your needs. The fact that his response to low T questions is he doesn't think he has a problem and maybe he's just asexual. Well how does he know if he doesn't take the few hours to go find out. If he has low t, and that is the cause of his lack of drive things would change on a dime if he got treatment. The fact is he doesn't care enough to even try to be able to meet your needs. If he is not going to even try, you should not even try to stay married to him. This is the definition of irreconcilable differences.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

uhtred said:


> Since she (in my case) or he (in the OP's case) is unwilling / unable (it doesn't matter which) to fix it, you are saying divorce is the best choice?
> 
> Could be, but its not clear either persons life would be improved by that, it depends on the particular situation.


I'm not saying divorce is the best choice. I'm just saying it is your choice to make and your consequences to live with, same with the OP. If you aren't satisfied you can either leave and roll the dice which could have you end up with someone better, someone worse, or no one; or you could keep the status quo and accept the way things are. The decision on what to do is based on how risk averse you are, how likely you think you are to find a better partner, and the overall satisfaction level with your current relationship. There is nothing wrong with accepting the status quo as long as you know and accept the consequences of your choice to stay. But, you shouldn't try to pretend your relationship is otherwise wonderful, when it is far from it because there is resentment that has crept into your entire marriage from it. Being in a sexless marriage is like having a gorgeous car with no engine...no matter how much you love that car it's just taking up room in the garage that could be used for a car you could actually drive and enjoy.


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

@Cherrymdsn - if you get a connection with your affair partner, your M would die. the connection you are talking about is falling in love. 

You really need to figure out if your H has a medical or porn issue. If yes, then there is a chance to overcome this. If not, asexual or gay, then no way will your M survive.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

The thing that I keep seeing with your husbands replies is this. He doesn’t even care enough to make the effort with your needs in the relationship. I know what you mean when you say you need intimacy in your relationship. I also see by your husband actions and replies to you he won’t make the effort to give you what you need. Why won’t he make the effort? It’s not like he doesn’t know what you need. He just doesn’t care enough to make it happen. 

Divorce your husband and stay best friends. Don’t destroy that relationship by seeing someone outside of the relationship. He has already told you it will damage or absolutely destroy your marriage if you find someone just for sex. If your love language is physical touch, as I’m assuming, it will never be just sex with another. Your emotions will get involved and you will want more and more time with the OM until you feel nothing for your husband. 

Also the guys you would meet with, if you did, are willing to cheat with a married woman. Are those really the type you want to be involved with?


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

When you talk about "risk averse" you are only thinking of the OP, or me, not our partners. If the OP leaves her partner *he* will be devastated. She will hurt *him* a man that she loves. He may be asexual but she still loves him.

She will certainly be happier if she leaves and finds someone else, I think that there is no question at all about that. But he will not. 

The word "otherwise " is critical. Maybe it doesn't mean the same thing to us. To me "otherwise"means that things would be great *if* there was no sexual mismatch. Obviously the are not great with the mismatch. 

Its not like a car with no engine because once you are married, the goal is not *your* happiness, it is the combined happiness of you and the person you married. 


I'm not saying that she shouldn't leave anyway, its actually what I would recommend, but it comes at a cost. as I see it the choices:


Stay: He is happy, she is miserable.

Leave: She is happy, he is miserable

Cheat: IF she doesn't get caught, he is still happy, and she may be able to be happy. If she gets caught, he is miserable, she is eventually happy, it sort of defaults to "leave" but of course goes through a very ugly stage. . 







Bananapeel said:


> I'm not saying divorce is the best choice. I'm just saying it is your choice to make and your consequences to live with, same with the OP. If you aren't satisfied you can either leave and roll the dice which could have you end up with someone better, someone worse, or no one; or you could keep the status quo and accept the way things are. The decision on what to do is based on how risk averse you are, how likely you think you are to find a better partner, and the overall satisfaction level with your current relationship. There is nothing wrong with accepting the status quo as long as you know and accept the consequences of your choice to stay. But, you shouldn't try to pretend your relationship is otherwise wonderful, when it is far from it because there is resentment that has crept into your entire marriage from it. Being in a sexless marriage is like having a gorgeous car with no engine...no matter how much you love that car it's just taking up room in the garage that could be used for a car you could actually drive and enjoy.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The marriage may survive, but she won't be happy. 




naiveonedave said:


> @Cherrymdsn - if you get a connection with your affair partner, your M would die. the connection you are talking about is falling in love.
> 
> You really need to figure out if your H has a medical or porn issue. If yes, then there is a chance to overcome this. If not, asexual or gay, then no way will your M survive.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

uhtred said:


> When you talk about "risk averse" you are only thinking of the OP, or me, not our partners. If the OP leaves her partner *he* will be devastated. She will hurt *him* a man that she loves. He may be asexual but she still loves him.
> 
> She will certainly be happier if she leaves and finds someone else, I think that there is no question at all about that. But he will not.
> 
> ...


You are not really suggesting this? She may think she loves her H, but that is because she has never actually been with a NON ASEXUAL man. 

Everyone suggesting that he get his T checked, let's get real. 

Even when your T is low, you still think about sex to some extent, unless you don't think about sex because you are asexual or sex with women if you are gay. 

But @uhtred how can you put an option out there that is you cheat and don't get caught? 

Here is the thing, if he was OK with her having an open marriage, not that I necessarily agree, but lets just say that he was. Then maybe, maybe they could live together for a while. 

But at some point, she will fall in love with someone else and leave him. I am just saying that it is better to do it clean. Divorce and find someone else, and there are good men out there with healthy sex drive that she can fall in love with. 

But cheating is immoral, no matter how you slice and dice it. 

And why does she need to have such concern for him, a grown man, who apparently married under false pretenses?


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

@uhtred - The problem with your conclusions is you are putting the responsibility for the asexual spouses happiness as a burden for the sexual spouse to bear. You are also assuming that the asexual spouse wouldn't be happy if they were divorced, which is an assumption that is probably incorrect since people often find happiness with new relationships after old relationships end. To me this is a flawed way to think because it eliminates the healthy relationship goal of two happy/well balanced people getting together for a mutually beneficial relationship in favor of a relationship where one person is sacrificing for their spouse whom doesn't appreciate or even know of the sacrifice.


----------



## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

When I have low T, I don't think about sex at all. When my T is normal, I think about it a lot. Would he LIKE to be interested in sex with you?


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

PigglyWiggly said:


> When I have low T, I don't think about sex at all. When my T is normal, I think about it a lot. Would he LIKE to be interested in sex with you?


Dude, I will take your word for it. 

But I am 54 now, and when my T was low, I MIGHT have thought about sex less, but I never, ever not thought about sex or have I ever any amount of time without having it. 

I guess people are just different...


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

BluesPower said:


> You are not really suggesting this? She may think she loves her H, but that is because she has never actually been with a NON ASEXUAL man.
> 
> *Everyone suggesting that he get his T checked, let's get real.
> 
> ...


I disagree with what I highlighted, because we just don't know. Could be low T or other medical problem, could be porn. Or an affair. Could be things unfixable. If she truly loves her H, she needs to ensure she doesn't do something to end the M, when it could be easily fixed. Low T can drop desire to near zero. They are having sex, just not much.

I do agree opening the marriage will likely her ending up in love with the OM and eventual D. Also, cheating is wrong.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

naiveonedave said:


> I disagree with what I highlighted, because we just don't know. Could be low T or other medical problem, could be porn. Or an affair. Could be things unfixable. If she truly loves her H, she needs to ensure she doesn't do something to end the M, when it could be easily fixed. Low T can drop desire to near zero. They are having sex, just not much.
> 
> I do agree opening the marriage will likely her ending up in love with the OM and eventual D. Also, cheating is wrong.


I don't disagree but let's look at what she has said so far: 

1) He took the Asexual test and check almost all the boxes. 
2) They have not had sex for a while and the are in their 30's, I mean come on. 
3) He has NO INTEREST in sex, at all.

He was like this from the start, she just did not know any better. 

My verdict, he knew he as asexual or at least different, and marred under false pretenses...


----------



## jrpmom1 (Jun 11, 2018)

Cherrymdsn said:


> If these were just tough times I think I could tough it out. And I don't want to leave my husband. I love him. But these don't seem to be hard times. It's just the way he is. He doesn't want sex and I did not know that when I married him, and it doesn't seem right for a man to refuse to have sex with his wife. There is no end in sight or any indication he will ever want to have sex with me.


Could he possibly be gay??


----------



## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> Dude, I will take your word for it.
> 
> But I am 54 now, and when my T was low, I MIGHT have thought about sex less, but I never, ever not thought about sex or have I ever any amount of time without having it.
> 
> *I guess people are just different*...


That was a valuable lesson we just learned  

How low has your T tested?


----------



## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> I know it's hard for certain people to believe, but some people still wait until marriage for sex. maybe they did.
> 
> Regardless, putting the blame on her is a stupid, albeit predictable, move.


It's not unreasonable at all. If she knew she was entering into a relationship/marriage with a man who has a 
nonexistent or near nonexistent drive while she doesn't how is she not responsible for her own actions?


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

PigglyWiggly said:


> That was a valuable lesson we just learned
> 
> How low has your T tested?


I don't know the lowest, around 200 I think. I am at almost 600 now. 

Even then it was not for sex drive, it was more energy, clear thinking, and stamina through out the day. 

But getting divorced helped all the stress and tiredness. Stress kills, it nearly did me...


----------



## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> I don't know the lowest, around 200 I think. I am at almost 600 now.
> 
> Even then it was not for sex drive, it was more energy, clear thinking, and stamina through out the day.
> 
> But getting divorced helped all the stress and tiredness. Stress kills, it nearly did me...


I should get mine tested at normal level. I got tested when trying to get it as low as possible and it came in at 325ish . I went with 5 hours sleep in 2 days and had laid on the couch watching tv for 2 days. I wanted to see how low it would fall. Sleep affects my T level more than anything else it seems.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

If I may interject ma’am, do not cheat on your husband. Eventually, should you go this route, he will find out and you will hurt him beyond belief. Is that really what you want? Please reconsider. Trust me when I say the impact on a man is beyond devastation when he learns he has been replaced.

He may appear healthy on the outside, but even at 34 men can go into andropause. My naprapathic doctor told me he is now seeing low T in men as young as twenty. My doc places the blame for this on processed foods and too much soy in about any processed food. How are you eating habits as a family? I would advise you to insist he see a physician as this is not normal. With a few simple blood tests low t can be detected, and can easily be corrected with testosterone cream compounds which are rubbed onto the skin or by injection. Please sit down with your husband and have a frank and honest discussion.


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



manwithnoname said:


> Just wondering what size of onion? I've seen a big range of sizes. If I do this, I want to use the smallest amount that will work.



Regular size onions. I tend to use the red 'sweet' onions. You can also use Jumbo Onions but I wouldn't recommend them.


----------



## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



Jharp said:


> Regular size onions. I tend to use the red 'sweet' onions. You can also use Jumbo Onions but I wouldn't recommend them.


can you possibly list a few links where we can read about this. i've never heard the onions/T claim before


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

*Re: Thinking about an affair*



PigglyWiggly said:


> can you possibly list a few links where we can read about this. i've never heard the onions/T claim before


Here are a couple I linked earlier.

https://bold-ape.co/secret-testosterone-booster/

https://mysupremacy.com/natural-testosterone-booster/

Onions Can Significantly Increase Testosterone Levels - Fitness and Power


----------

