# My wife never says my name



## Supermayo

I've been married for almost 2 years and I'm in my mid-twenties. My wife is a year younger than I. Neither of us was very experienced in relationships when we met (she was my first real relationship). We were together for over a year before we got married. We don't have any kids at this point.

One of my problems is that my wife doesn't ever (E V E R) issue a greeting before she starts talking to me. No "Supermayo, can you come here," "Honey, let's talk about this," or "Sweetums, can you please get me a Snapple?" Never. It seems like a stupid thing to complain about, but it seriously makes me question her love for me. A person's name being said by someone is one of the sweetest sounds in the world; any salesman will tell you that. I have a pet name for her and use it frequently, but she never reciprocates.

We've talked about this more than once. She'll start "referring to me" for a couple days, then goes back to omitting the important first word of a sentence.

I feel like it's driving me crazy (MAD, I tell you!). Like she's trying to do it to make me bonkers (along the same vein as if she would pronounce a word incorrectly and pretend to not notice, just to be funny). I don't think she actually does it on purpose, but never hearing my name from her makes me incredibly sad.

It sounds like a stupid little qualm to complain about, but try it with your spouse for a week to see how it feels. It feels like crap.

Anyone else have this problem?


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## alphaomega

Hmmmm...never though about it before, because I do use the name at the start of the discussion.....

I wonder what love language this falls under......

Well, you can always rock her world in bed like never before, and make her scream out your name a couple dozen times. After that, you'll be good for weeks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

It's kind of crappy to say but maybe she's afraid she'll call you by her boyfriends name.
When my wife was cheating it was always "hey babe".
Are there any other red flags that would lead you to think there is someone else? Like texting alot and being secretive. Is she gone for long periods of time with no real way to account for her were abouts?
Maybe she has alot of guy friends and is afraid she'll mix up the names?


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## magnoliagal

Bored....so I'm lurking on the men's board. 

I had to think about this and yes I say my dh's name. I say his name then the request "dh can you bring me a drink?, dh when will you be back?, etc." I don't do babe, sweetie, honey cakes or anything like that just his name. Now if he's standing right in front of me and we are conversing I'm not going to say his name because well I'm looking right at him. That seems silly to state the obvious.

Interesting wonder why she does that...lack of respect? Rude? Shoot I even call my kids by name I don't just order them around. "ds can you come here for a minute? dd will you help me set the table". It's polite. Sometimes I lump them together and say "girlS" but it's still said with respect.


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## discouraged1

Maybe she has short term memory loss?


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## F-102

The W and I never call each other by name. We always use "honey". In her culture (Korean), spouses never use names, and there are some kids over there who don't even know their parents names until they are older.

Now, if she ever called me by my name directly, I'd know that I was in trouble-she did it once a long time ago, and I really screwed something up-sorta like when a parent uses a child's full, proper name: they are in DEEP trouble!


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## Runs like Dog

She uses my name the same way an irritated parent would use a child's name. If I hear my name I know there's trouble.


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## lime

I don't think it necessarily means she doesn't care for you!

Some people just naturally don't use names very frequently. Is she the same way with friends, acquaintances, and family? Some families (my SO's included) just don't call each other by name very often. My SO rarely uses my name, and sometimes he's just yelling a question to me or he wants something. It's kind of disheartening, since I use peoples' names frequently, but I've learned that it just varies depending on the person. We've been together 3+ years, and I've noticed he's started using my name more and more. 

It could also be a sign of insecurity; some people just feel uncomfortable using names. Kind of like if you first meet someone but can't quite be sure if you remember their name correctly--that feeling of uneasiness can be associated with name use, even when she obviously knows your name. I wouldn't worry too much about it unless it's a sign of other, deeper problems.

Personally, I'm against the typical "honey" nicknames, if only because I feel like I'm too young to be saying things like that. My parents call each other "honey" so I feel weird using that name lol.


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## Niceguy13

I use pet names for her I haven't called her by her name for years, she veryrarley ever says my name and even with us going through a D its still Honey will you get me a soda and the honey is just to get my attention. It is not disheartening though because she rarely calls anyone by name.


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## AFEH

What’s the one most special word to every person on the planet? Their name.

Is it "normal" for a spouse not to use your given name or nickname? Who knows what normal is? Is it “desirable”, most definitely.

Bob


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## Supermayo

I think it's more subconscious than anything else. I really don't think she's cheating. (she's home too much for that and we're never apart, save from when we're at work). I'll pay attention to see if she uses anyone else's name or nickname; I never really have in the past, good point.

When we have talked about it before, she said "it's weird; you're right here. Why would I say your name?" And "now it would just be weird if I did do it [because we'd just talked about it]."

@F-102 and @Runs Like Dog: I wish she would say my name when I'm in trouble. Instead, all I get is "the look!" I know when I'm in trouble 

Thanks for the feedback.


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## Voiceofreason

My father in law has never called my mother in law any name for the over three decades I have known them. I think it is awful and disrespectful. He won't even use her name if he is calling to her. Instead, he always says "yoo hoo"...so I guess that's her name, Yoo hoo


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## Trenton

Supermayo said:


> I've been married for almost 2 years and I'm in my mid-twenties. My wife is a year younger than I. Neither of us was very experienced in relationships when we met (she was my first real relationship). We were together for over a year before we got married. We don't have any kids at this point.
> 
> One of my problems is that my wife doesn't ever (E V E R) issue a greeting before she starts talking to me. No "Supermayo, can you come here," "Honey, let's talk about this," or "Sweetums, can you please get me a Snapple?" Never. It seems like a stupid thing to complain about, but it seriously makes me question her love for me. A person's name being said by someone is one of the sweetest sounds in the world; any salesman will tell you that. I have a pet name for her and use it frequently, but she never reciprocates.
> 
> We've talked about this more than once. She'll start "referring to me" for a couple days, then goes back to omitting the important first word of a sentence.
> 
> I feel like it's driving me crazy (MAD, I tell you!). Like she's trying to do it to make me bonkers (along the same vein as if she would pronounce a word incorrectly and pretend to not notice, just to be funny). I don't think she actually does it on purpose, but never hearing my name from her makes me incredibly sad.
> 
> It sounds like a stupid little qualm to complain about, but try it with your spouse for a week to see how it feels. It feels like crap.
> 
> Anyone else have this problem?


Did she previously call you by your name when you were dating and then suddenly let it go when you got married?

Everyone seems to have my name so it's always caused more confusion than honor. Just recently at the doc's office they called my name and I went and then was sent back to the waiting room because they had the wrong "Michele". They figured this out when I was asked by the nurse to pee in a cup and I asked if that was standard procedure. She told me it is if you have a bladder infection and I was like...well! I have a sore throat! Sheeeesh. 

The closest I get to originality is that I have one l instead of 2. Seriously. I could care less if my husband uses my name and I'm not so sure he cares.

Besides what does she call you to get your attention? Have a kid, you'll get a title real quick. "Hun, get the diapers!", "Hun, I need the burp cloth!"

I don't know. To me it seems nit picky and freaky so I need more information as to when it started and why you think it started.


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## Supermayo

Trenton said:


> Did she previously call you by your name when you were dating and then suddenly let it go when you got married?
> 
> Everyone seems to have my name so it's always caused more confusion than honor. Just recently at the doc's office they called my name and I went and then was sent back to the waiting room because they had the wrong "Michele". They figured this out when I was asked by the nurse to pee in a cup and I asked if that was standard procedure. She told me it is if you have a bladder infection and I was like...well! I have a sore throat! Sheeeesh.
> 
> The closest I get to originality is that I have one l instead of 2. Seriously. I could care less if my husband uses my name and I'm not so sure he cares.
> 
> Besides what does she call you to get your attention? Have a kid, you'll get a title real quick. "Hun, get the diapers!", "Hun, I need the burp cloth!"
> 
> I don't know. To me it seems nit picky and freaky so I need more information as to when it started and why you think it started.


I didn't really pay attention before, but I don't think she ever has referred to me directly, dating or married. 

The whole problem is that she doesn't call me by any name to get my attention. That's what's weird. She'll just start talking. She uses the "implied you" and will just start in on something. No "Hun" at all. I don't care what she calls me, if she would call me something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MisterNiceGuy

Hell... even my wife that is supposedly walking out of marriage called me "honey" last night! Something is seriously wrong with your wife if this is true...


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## F-102

Just be glad she's not calling you "a**hole, d****ebag or s**t-for-brains"
Seriously, I've heard my mom and sis use these on loved ones!


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## Runs like Dog

That's MISTER ****ing *** hole to you.


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## RandomDude

Pet names are ok, but if she REALLY can't even say your name...

You have to be careful, because some people DELIBERATELY try not to use names especially when there is a fear of "someone else's" name slipping from their tongue... ie. physical/emotional affair. I do the same thing, and some women do it too.

I'll read more later, don't have much time these days.


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## JeffX

Yes and no. I don't really see an issue with it, but if you have a problem with it, then you should say something to her.


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## Mrs.G

*No big deal!*



Supermayo said:


> I've been married for almost 2 years and I'm in my mid-twenties. My wife is a year younger than I. Neither of us was very experienced in relationships when we met (she was my first real relationship). We were together for over a year before we got married. We don't have any kids at this point.
> 
> One of my problems is that my wife doesn't ever (E V E R) issue a greeting before she starts talking to me. No "Supermayo, can you come here," "Honey, let's talk about this," or "Sweetums, can you please get me a Snapple?" Never. It seems like a stupid thing to complain about, but it seriously makes me question her love for me. A person's name being said by someone is one of the sweetest sounds in the world; any salesman will tell you that. I have a pet name for her and use it frequently, but she never reciprocates.
> 
> You mean your parents named you Supermayo? :rofl::rofl: Just kidding.
> 
> I think that you are making a mountain out of an anthill. Some people just don't like to use names! You really have to stop overanalyzing things. If this is the worst marital problem you have, you're lucky! :smthumbup:
> I call my husband by our last name (Jamaican tradition) or "Buddy." He rarely uses my name unless he is being very serious..usually calls me Toots.
> 
> We've talked about this more than once. She'll start "referring to me" for a couple days, then goes back to omitting the important first word of a sentence.
> 
> So it's a habit for her then.
> 
> I feel like it's driving me crazy (MAD, I tell you!). Like she's trying to do it to make me bonkers (along the same vein as if she would pronounce a word incorrectly and pretend to not notice, just to be funny). I don't think she actually does it on purpose, but never hearing my name from her makes me incredibly sad.
> 
> How will you handle inevitable hard times in your marriage, if something so trivial drives you "mad and bonkers?" You just said that she doesn't do it on purpose and then admitted that it is not done intentionally. You need to RELAX, my friend.
> 
> It sounds like a stupid little qualm to complain about, but try it with your spouse for a week to see how it feels. It feels like crap. Ehhhh...we have _real _issues to be concerned about. Marriage gets a whole lot tougher than this!
> 
> Anyone else have this problem?


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## disbelief

Mine only uses my name when talking about me to someone else. Never to shout to me no pet names no honey nothing ..................its like starting a conversation without a intro. She could never tell me why.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlackMedicine357

Supermayo said:


> I didn't really pay attention before, but I don't think she ever has referred to me directly, dating or married.
> 
> The whole problem is that she doesn't call me by any name to get my attention. That's what's weird. She'll just start talking. She uses the "implied you" and will just start in on something. No "Hun" at all. I don't care what she calls me, if she would call me something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Dude! 

Not to be blunt, but "GET OVER IT!" 

Just be glad that she's even talking to you in a civil tone. And then also be glad you aren't being called "dumba$$" the current label I carry from my DW. 

(Sorry, rough weekend at home. I'd rather be shot at, at least I can shoot back then.)


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## BlackMedicine357

*Re: No big deal!*

Yeah, what Mrs. G said!

Black


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## Boogsie

Why don't you fix it by not answering her when the conversation isn't direct at YOU?

If you are watching TV and she says, "Can you get me a drink?" just keep watching TV. If she wants your attention bad enough, she'll call you *something* eventually. It may not be what you want, but it will be a name.  And that would be a start.


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## Whatshisname

In some strange way my W and I are just.. _too _close to use our names.


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## frootloop

My ex-wife almost never said my name either. As others mentioned, turns out she was cheating on me - so much easier not to use the wrong name that way, apparently.


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## notaname

I'm actually somewhat uncomfortable using first names of people. I use my kids names and less often my Hs. I rarely use the name of anyone outside the house when talking to them. I try, though, because I feel it is important. I think it is really intimate and that is what makes me a little uncomfortable...that and fear of not saying the right name.

Oh, I frequently call my kids by the wrong name....like every single day. I hate that.


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## the woodman

my ex wife of 28 yrs never said my name, she could say it whilst talking to others but never to me ! when she wanted my attention, say if i was in another room she would call me with "are you there" or "can you hear me" I used to complain to her about it, i even told her i would stop using her name until she began using mine ! that made no difference. Even in the height of sex she never used my name. its ok for some on here to say get over it - if only it was so simple. using a persons name is the first sign of respect, i use peoples names constantly with eye to eye contact it means so much !!


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## that_girl

My husband RARELY calls me a pet name. Sometimes he'll wake me from the couch with "Babe, let's go to bed..." 

I don't care.


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## Lon

My stbxw loved that I said her name, she also said that no other guys she dated before me ever did. When I found this out I realized that I too love when people address me by my name. I think its even part of the reason I used my real one on my profile on this site, so every time someone replies to me I feel like they are addressing the real me.


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## wild_irish_rose

Something to think about - watch and see if she is the same way with other people. My BIL has Asperger's Syndrome (high functioning autism) and I've been told that one of the symptoms they look for when diagnosing adults is the inability to address others by names or even nicknames/ pet names.


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