# Need to let go....



## anonymouslady (Nov 6, 2011)

I've got a good friend online who I've known a long time(male) Met a few times but not for a few years as we live too far apart and have families of our own. We chat most days on the phone and it gives me a certain buzz. But most of the time the conversation is one-sided, he just waits for me to make conversation half the time. The rare times he logs online onto Messenger, again it's all one sided. I'm finding as time goes on I'm less bothered if we don't chat online etc. It's taking TOO long to just fizzle out naturally. I need to have a busier life to stop thinking about him. I need distractions, but I don't think I can go "cold turkey" and cut all contact. Nothing is ever going to come of this "relationship," THIS IS IT as far as our "friendship" is concerned. It's all getting the same. Running out of stuff to talk about really. 

Why am I hanging on.....?:scratchhead:

I'm already in a LTR with grown up kids.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dang... the whole time I was reading that I was thinking, it's not hard... I thought you were single.

Then at the bottom, the truth. You are in an LTR. 

*How would you feel if you partner were doing this?*

Also, this should be easy: this dude isn't into you. Why you keep trying to make it happen is beyond me (besides and first and foremost--the fact you're already in a relationship).



anonymouslady said:


> It's taking TOO long to just fizzle out naturally.


That's because you're staying in touch. By choice. Stop it.



anonymouslady said:


> I don't think I can go "cold turkey" and cut all contact. .


Yes, you can. You just choose not to. 




anonymouslady said:


> Why am I hanging on.....?:scratchhead:


Because it's a CHOICE you are making.

So once you make the CHOICE to end it, you will. And hopefully you will sooner than later. Cheating/lying destroys.


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## anonymouslady (Nov 6, 2011)

Maybe I should have kept it open and not said I was in a LTR

My friend says "it makes his day" and "his day wouldn't be the same" if he didn't hear from me. It's very flattering.

But I know he logs onto the internet and doesn't even try and LOOK to see if I'm online sometimes. He KNOWS I'm online a lot. Too much!! 

But, as you say, I am making myself available by choice. Only I can change that!!! 

I KNOW my private life will improve so much if I did not have this thing going on in the background.

I'm just so weak!:scratchhead:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Why jeopardize the relationship you have for an online relationship that, by your own admission, is fizzling out? This sounds very much like an EA, OP...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

anonymouslady said:


> Maybe I should have kept it open and not said I was in a LTR


Why would you lie to anonymous people on a forum?

Oh wait. It's because the truth hurts to hear.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

anonymouslady said:


> Maybe I should have kept it open and not said I was in a LTR


Had you done this any advice received would have meant zilch because the advice that you would have received would have been for a single woman, not someone in a LTR.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And that is why I asked why would she feel the need to lie about it to a bunch of strangers. Deception upon deception is shady and is not going to solve her problem.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

oh yea...
No contact is best.
not healthy for your relationship.
and highly inappropriate.

i really think you need to prioritize whats importnant in your life.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I suspect that if you put have the energy you put into this online affair with your actual partner then you would feel plenty fulfilled. Maybe you don't think of what you're doing as cheating. But I'll bet if your man knew the full extent of it, he would think so.


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## anonymouslady (Nov 6, 2011)

Yes I know it's an EA.

If I left out LTR, it would not have been "lying!"

But even if I was a single woman, the answer would still have been the same..... STOP!!!

I've got an OH who works 12+ hours a day in a demanding job. I work part time and also do voluntary work. I have TOO much spare time (I agree) I'm not a big fan of housework (though it does get done) I'm very creative but OH looks down on whatever I make because it "won't make any money!"

I think motivation is needed rather than looking down at me for an EA that I KNOW is wrong! Its been going on for so many years now my OH seems oblivious anyway. He's done the EA thing too. There's a lack of trust between us I think. We don't talk about it. Probably best not to. Probably best to draw a line and REALLY start to enjoy each other and do stuff together and give each other more attention and love and sex.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I suspect that if you put have the energy you put into this online affair with your actual partner then you would feel plenty fulfilled. Maybe you don't think of what you're doing as cheating. But I'll bet if your man knew the full extent of it, he would think so.


Zing!



anonymouslady said:


> Yes I know it's an EA.
> 
> If I left out LTR, it would not have been "lying!"
> 
> ...


Just sounds like you're trying to justify it.

If you are unhappy in your relationship, talk to your patner. 
You hav esaid you've been having an EA for years. That is not good and very disrespectful of to relationship/family/partner. No wonder your relationship isn't as happy as you want it to be. You've been lying to your partner by keeping close contact with a married guy for years. That *absolutely* effects your primary relationship. 

If you are so unahppy in your relationship, leave your partner, but don't lie to his face every day. 

Also, stay away from the married guy with the family. It's just wrong.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm confused.Why be together if you both prefer to have emotional connections to other people?You've been having an EA for years and your partner has had them too.
What's the point of the relationship?


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