# My once cold STBX keeps texting me. Why?



## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

I won't go into the backstory but when my STBX walked out on me & our baby daughter, he was very angry at me & had blocked me off all contact for months. I was still actively pursuing him, was able to have on-off contact, but my messages were mostly left unanswered.

Ever since I bumped into him 3.5 months post-separation in his home country, he has been the one to initiate contact. In 2 weeks, he has contacted me 5 times! Mostly meaningless conversation like "how are you, how is the baby?" which I would always give short and polite responses and be the one to end the conversation. I have already started moving on and feel quite detached. 

One time he asked me what was going on with the divorce. I told him I would file soon but had a slip and also admitted I still loved him but realised we were better off apart. He reached out a couple of times after to just ask about me.

Today he told me the religious leader in his city who has helped him in the past with food & money, wants to meet up with us both to discuss things. I haven't told him yes/no or asked what things he wants discussed. I know this religious leader is against our divorce and wants to save our family as I had reached out to him months ago in a desperate attempt to get my STBX back. Why is my STBX even telling me this when it was him who wanted a divorce? Is he stringing me along or attempting to get a reaction out of me? Once upon a time he wouldn't reply for weeks and now he is the one reaching out.

I am confused.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> I won't go into the backstory but when my STBX walked out on me & our baby daughter, he was very angry at me & had blocked me off all contact for months. I was still actively pursuing him, was able to have on-off contact, but my messages were mostly left unanswered.
> 
> Ever since I bumped into him 3.5 months post-separation in his home country, he has been the one to initiate contact. In 2 weeks, he has contacted me 5 times! Mostly meaningless conversation like "how are you, how is the baby?" which I would always give short and polite responses and be the one to end the conversation. I have already started moving on and feel quite detached.
> 
> ...


We need the story as to why he was mad at you. Without it we can only say maybe he forgave you.or is trying to forgive you.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Why hasn't he filed since he is the one who wants the divorce? Why is it falling on your shoulders to file?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Why hasn't he filed since he is the one who wants the divorce? Why is it falling on your shoulders to file?


*After his unconsciable abandonment of both you and his own child, I sure as hell wouldn't want him either!

File! File File!

And don't pay any attention to his damned texts!*


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

The day he left, he had a resit (his final attempt) to undertake a week before graduation. I lost my temper even though I shouldn't have and called him a stupid scumbag who couldn't do anything. Yes I was a total ***** about it & I regret it. I apologised but he wasn't having it and never came back home. He dropped out of that college too.

I have to be the one to file because my marriage is registered in my country, he doesn't have any documents & even though he now has a job, he is too broke to travel here/afford an attorney.

I want to be first to file as well. Not only will applying for child support be easier, but my parents are planning on helping me with purchasing an apartment too. If we are still married, he will be entitled to it. My parents are bomb & I really do not deserve them


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

arbitrator said:


> *After his unconsciable abandonment of both you and his own child, I sure as hell wouldn't want him either!
> 
> File! File File!
> 
> And don't pay any attention to his damned texts!*


Classy as always  I still care for him deeply but I don't think I can go back to him...abandonment aside, I think we both have too many personal issues to tackle to be with each other. I have hurt him badly and so has he, too much mess as it is


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Barf. Who cares what he is thinking. He isn't a real man anyway to abandon you like this. 
Ignore him.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

You're right, I shouldn't care or still talk to him. But I like feeling "connected"? Also after months of declaring my love & undying attention for him whilst constantly being rejected, it feels good to be the one who's being texted first. It feels good being in control and feeling distant. Yay, who knew moving on was possible! 

Maybe he misses being chased & that the single life isn't working out too well for him? The last time I checked, his female facebook friends are randoms from different cities and he's broke so...

I have a date with a very attractive Italian guy on Wednesday whom I've turned down a few times but maybe I need a distraction/ego boost so I am going to go just for the sake of it. He's hot but meh, I feel asexual & have no time for men now.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> Classy as always  I still care for him deeply but I don't think I can go back to him...abandonment aside, I think we both have too many personal issues to tackle to be with each other. I have hurt him badly and so has he, too much mess as it is


Whether you called him a scumbag or something else is one thing.Your baby daughter didn't call him anything but he has still abandoned her and going from your previous thread he is refusing to support her because he owes his brother money.
What a ****ing prize ******* he is.
File and forget this prick.


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

Very true... thanks for reminding me about the reality of it all. I guess I do carry a lot of guilt for having mistreated him in the past & deep down I blame myself for my little princess having to grow up in a broken family without her dad. I think I will address this with my therapist.

Babygirl is sleeping soundly next to me & is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I love her more & more each day & when she smiles & giggles at me... gosh. I have no power over her. I would die for her, no question. It baffles me how he could leave her behind.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Louise McCann said:


> Very true... thanks for reminding me about the reality of it all. I guess I do carry a lot of guilt for having mistreated him in the past & deep down I blame myself for my little princess having to grow up in a broken family without her dad. I think I will address this with my therapist.
> 
> Babygirl is sleeping soundly next to me & is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I love her more & more each day & when she smiles & giggles at me... gosh. I have no power over her. I would die for her, no question. It baffles me how he could leave her behind.


Because he doesn't care about her. 

I have worked 10 to 14 hour days to support my family. Would never leave my kids no matter what.


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## JustAFamilyMan (Aug 27, 2015)

No man or woman worth having abandons their baby over being called names. None. A man or woman worth having would have found any way they could to spend time with their child, even if they'd grown to hate you for good or bad reasons.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Louise McCann said:


> I won't go into the backstory but when my STBX walked out on me & our baby daughter, he was very angry at me & had blocked me off all contact for months. I was still actively pursuing him, was able to have on-off contact, but my messages were mostly left unanswered.
> 
> Ever since I bumped into him 3.5 months post-separation in his home country, he has been the one to initiate contact. In 2 weeks, he has contacted me 5 times! Mostly meaningless conversation like "how are you, how is the baby?" which I would always give short and polite responses and be the one to end the conversation. I have already started moving on and feel quite detached.
> 
> ...



It may be a few things but it is better you ask him yourself

1. He sees you are taking steps to change from being the angry abusive person you were
2. He has had time to think more clearly about wanting to be in his child's life and needs a good relationship with you
3. He genuinely wants you back in his life
4. He sees you becoming more independent and detaching and thus he begins the chase, some people are like that

I suggest you play it cool, no harm in meeting his religious leader (what faith are you) but be careful about being swept into something that is not in your best interests or the best interests of the child. Play it very cool, no commitment, no promises. After all he walked out on you and treated you terribly, though you had a big role to play.

All the best


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