# husband gets mad if i say no to sex



## birdlady (Feb 25, 2014)

My huspand constanly gets mad if i refuse to have sex with him when he wants to. Why he treats me bad if i say no?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

How does he treat you badly? What does he do or say?

How often are you rejecting him and why?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Have you suggest he masturbate while you watch?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

How often does this happen?


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

He has no right to get mad. He needs to learn that your evening headaches and stomach aches are not your fault. Plus you had a long day and your tired. Ugh..men.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

BostonBruins32 said:


> He has no right to get mad. He needs to learn that your evening headaches and stomach aches are not your fault. Plus you had a long day and your tired. Ugh..men.


Oh yea...riiight...that evening headache conveniently shows up


:bsflag:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Not every illness is fake or made up just to avoid sex. I have IBS and it doesn't take a break just bc I want to get laid. I resorted to vaping weed just to get through the symptoms enough to enjoy sex w/my husband as often as possible.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

NewHubs said:


> Oh yea...riiight...that evening headache conveniently shows up
> 
> 
> :bsflag:


breathe in the sarcasm my friend.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Are you using sex as a means of controlling him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Not every illness is fake or made up just to avoid sex. I have IBS and it doesn't take a break just bc I want to get laid. I resorted to vaping weed just to get through the symptoms enough to enjoy sex w/my husband as often as possible.


Now THAT is, hands down, the BEST excuse for vaping weed I've ever heard. Kudos...bet sex that night was extra special ! Now THAT'S love .

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Do you ever initiate?

How do you like rejection?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Why don't you want to have consistent sex with your husband?


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

First of all, do you really want honest answers here? A huge part of a successful marriage is learning each other's differences and how to meet the needs of the other. So if you are ready to learn about him, first read these:

When a Woman Isn't in the Mood: Part I - Dennis Prager - Page 1

When a Woman Isn't In the Mood: Part II « The Dennis Prager Show The Dennis Prager Show

Now, I am not excusing him getting angry or treating you badly, but you need to take a look at how you may be contributing to the problem. I know that my wife enjoys sex with me, so when she is unable to have sex, she will either say, "I'll give you a hand job" or "I will help you masturbate" or "I am just too tired tonight, how about in the morning (or evening, etc.). I don't feel rejected. My guess is that he does feel rejected. 

Let me ask you this: what do you need him to do to make you feel loved? Is it talking or spending time with you? Is it non-sexual affection? What if he refused to do what makes YOU feel loved? How would that make you feel?


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## HardLanden (Oct 31, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Not every illness is fake or made up just to avoid sex. I have IBS and it doesn't take a break just bc I want to get laid. I resorted to vaping weed just to get through the symptoms enough to enjoy sex w/my husband as often as possible.


Your husband is a lucky man.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

HardLanden said:


> Your husband is a lucky man.


LOL bc his wife tokes it to cope w/Ibs?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Not every illness is fake or made up just to avoid sex. I have IBS and it doesn't take a break just bc I want to get laid. I resorted to vaping weed just to get through the symptoms enough to enjoy sex w/my husband as often as possible.


I smoked much weed back in the day but am at a loss as to what vaping is. 

Please expound on vaping for this old dude!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> I smoked much weed back in the day but am at a loss as to what vaping is.
> 
> Please expound on vaping for this old dude!


It doesn't burn the stuff.You inhale vapors from it being heated. It's much healthier than inhaling smoke.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> It doesn't burn the stuff.You inhale vapors from it being heated. It's much healthier than inhaling smoke.


Sounds like a waste of good weed. OMG did I just type that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Thound said:


> Sounds like a waste of good weed. OMG did I just type that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not at all...it gets most of the potent stuff out and you can do edibles w the vaped product to get your money's worth.

Anywho...back on topic LOL

I think OP was a one and done poster
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Not every illness is fake or made up just to avoid sex. I have IBS and it doesn't take a break just bc I want to get laid. I resorted to vaping weed just to get through the symptoms enough to enjoy sex w/my husband as often as possible.


Taking one for the team! :smthumbup:


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## lisad45 (Feb 21, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Not at all...it gets most of the potent stuff out and you can do edibles w the vaped product to get your money's worth.
> 
> Anywho...back on topic LOL
> 
> ...


I need to know more about this. lol

To stay on topic, my husband wanted to have sex today, but my legs and ass were sore from the gym earlier, so I said no. No reaction. lol


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

You can't do that to him....just because you are sore and out of it ,is no excuse to say no to your Dh.......meet your Dh's needs first and then go to the gym....

I jog...a lot...4 miles a day in the warm months and 2 miles a week in the dang winter.....which I hate....nevertheless I always come home tired but ready to ride my DH ..


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

If I started a thread I'd be watching it, reading responses and updating.

Seems like the OP has checked out.....


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

birdlady said:


> My huspand constanly gets mad if i refuse to have sex with him when he wants to. Why he treats me bad if i say no?


Stop saying "no" and treating him like he's an errant boy reaching for the cookie jar.

Try "babe, I don't feel good right now, how about tomorrow"...and then follow up on that.

Try "I've had a really rough day, but tomorrow, I'm yours".

Try "I have a real bad stomach ache, let me get over this and I'll screw your brains out later".

Try "Aww babe, I don't know if I can get in the mood, but I can do something for you!"

Get the drift? "No" is NEVER a good answer (unless he's forcing himself on you, can't catch a hint, etc). 

You might be surprised how far a gentle "let's get sexy later or tomorrow" will go with a man who loves you. Especially when you follow up on it.

"No" shows a complete disinterest in the other person's feelings, and makes him feel like he must "ask permission" instead of just going for a sexual encounter with his wife. "No" is rejection. "Maybe later" or "when I feel better" is a request that he consider your feelings or condition, and a response that indicates you'd like to be "into it" when it does happen. 

Don't make excuses because you're "not in the mood". If you're "not in the mood", tell him so. But find a way to "get in the mood" when you can. By setting aside some time to relax in a hot bath with a glass of wine and think about the hottest parts of having sex with him. Don't put him into instant rejection mode with a "no" and see if he doesn't put forward more effort to romance you when you do follow through.

What came first, the chicken or the egg (the rejection and subsequent hurt feelings and resentment, OR the lack of romance or compassion on his end leading to rejections)? Often that doesn't matter, mainly because it is so hard to pinpoint when and where it happened. Someone has got to break the cycle of rejection / resentment / lack of romance. Be the bigger person and let it be you. You likely will not regret it.


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## lisad45 (Feb 21, 2014)

over20 said:


> You can't do that to him....just because you are sore and out of it ,is no excuse to say no to your Dh.......meet your Dh's needs first and then go to the gym....
> 
> I jog...a lot...4 miles a day in the warm months and 2 miles a week in the dang winter.....which I hate....nevertheless I always come home tired but ready to ride my DH ..


BS I can't do that to him. First off, my husband and I have a healthy sex life. Perfect? No. But healthy none the less.

Secondly, my husband has told me no to sex before. So if I want to (such as yesterday) after a long day, an intense workout, want to tell no to my husband, I will have no problem doing so.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Well I wonder how often he asks and how often he's turned down. If he's asking for sex to the point where it's over the top then she has a right to say no. 

On the other hand if it's on a normal basis and he's getting turned away then he would have an issue.

My first wife was border line nympho. She had her motor running from the time she woke up until she went to sleep and everybody isn't like that. I turned out to be a job rather than a fun evening. she never took into consideration that I was tired or just not in the mood and one night I woke up and she had knife in one hand and my penis in the other and, well that should tell you right there. I wish I was having an affair because I was accused of it so many times when I wasn't. It's just that she didn't have a off button. Trust me it wasn't fun.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Oh my!!! How SCARY!!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

6301 said:


> one night I woke up and she had knife in one hand and my penis in the other and, well that should tell you right there. I wish I was having an affair because I was accused of it so many times when I wasn't. It's just that she didn't have a off button. Trust me it wasn't fun.


 W.T.H. omg.


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## lisad45 (Feb 21, 2014)

6301 said:


> Well I wonder how often he asks and how often he's turned down. If he's asking for sex to the point where it's over the top then she has a right to say no.
> 
> On the other hand if it's on a normal basis and he's getting turned away then he would have an issue.
> 
> My first wife was border line nympho. She had her motor running from the time she woke up until she went to sleep and everybody isn't like that. I turned out to be a job rather than a fun evening. she never took into consideration that I was tired or just not in the mood and one night I woke up and she had knife in one hand and my penis in the other and, well that should tell you right there. I wish I was having an affair because I was accused of it so many times when I wasn't. It's just that she didn't have a off button. Trust me it wasn't fun.


That's insane!!! However, I have to know, the night she had the knife, did he end up getting what she wanted? Or did you flip out on here? ( I hope)


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

It all depends on how often you're having sex... If you're having regular sex (2 - 3 times per week), then he needs to learn to compromise. If you're only having sex infrequently (2 - 3 times per month or less), then you need to learn to compromise.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I guess the OP just wanted someone to agree with her.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Not every illness is fake or made up just to avoid sex. I have IBS and it doesn't take a break just bc I want to get laid. I resorted to vaping weed just to get through the symptoms enough to enjoy sex w/my husband as often as possible.


OK, this has got to qualify as the weirdest thread-jack ever.

It helps with IBS? I had no clue! I've never tried pot, but if it helps with this I just might try it.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Not every illness is fake or made up just to avoid sex. I have IBS and it doesn't take a break just bc I want to get laid. I resorted to vaping weed just to get through the symptoms enough to enjoy sex w/my husband as often as possible.


So you smoke weed, which is indulging in criminal behavior to mask your symptoms of IBS.....have you gone to your doc to administer a LEGAL treatment plan?...:scratchhead:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I hear it helps with chronic insomnia too. I don't live in a legal state and I've never really liked being stoned, but being able to go to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed instead of drugged...that would be nice.

SB, how does weed effect the symptoms of IBS?

When I was in HS I had terrible cramps and a friend suggested I get stoned. So I did. Made it soooo much worse! Then I was so agitated and paranoid, I hated it!

Do you think some people just aren't cut out to experience weed the way most people do?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> OK, this has got to qualify as the weirdest thread-jack ever.
> 
> It helps with IBS? I had no clue! I've never tried pot, but if it helps with this I just might try it.


Thank you ......I thought it was just me....:scratchhead:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

over20 said:


> You can't do that to him....just because you are sore and out of it ,is no excuse to say no to your Dh.......meet your Dh's needs first and then go to the gym....
> 
> I jog...a lot...4 miles a day in the warm months and 2 miles a week in the dang winter.....which I hate....nevertheless I always come home tired but ready to ride my DH ..


:lol:

Do you realize in the other thread about the woman who put on the sexy nighty and can't get any action from her husband, you went through an entire check list of reasons why a man might not want sex, and you urged the OP not to judge but to be compassionate and understanding and yet when a woman doesn't want sex you jump all over her?

Are you really a man?:scratchhead:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

over20 said:


> So you smoke weed, which is indulging in criminal behavior to mask your symptoms of IBS.....have you gone to your doc to administer a LEGAL treatment plan?...:scratchhead:


Actually I have,it doesn't fix the problem so I'm coping with it the best I can.

I also toked when I had stage 4 endometriosis complete with fibroids on the inside AND outside of my uterus. Pain so bad I couldn't stand up straight and ended up w/emergency surgery resulting in a hysterectomy. 

I know about pain and what does and doesn't help it. I'd rather not have some high and mighty online hall monitor preach to me about my activities. 

You can stick to your LEGAL methods of treatment and I'll stick with what works for me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hall monitor....:rofl:


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

I'd get mad too if I married someone who felt my needs weren't worth her time.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> You can stick to your LEGAL methods of treatment and I'll stick with what works for me.


You can get a doctor's note and smoke it legally here. I didn't even make the presumption it was illegal.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

over20 said:


> Thank you ......I thought it was just me....:scratchhead:


Me too....:roll eyes:

What happened to the Opening Poster?????????????????????

Buehler.......Buehler......


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> Me too....:roll eyes:
> 
> What happened to the Opening Poster?????????????????????
> 
> Buehler.......Buehler......




IDK.......I was even called a man??? :scratchhead:


back to OP...she is a wife that is trying to understand why her DH get's frustrated when she says no to sex. We wives really struggle at times to understand how deep our DH's sexual need is..I think a man's POV would be more helpful to the OP....IDK....maybe she got enough advice from all of us


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> :lol:
> 
> Do you realize in the other thread about the woman who put on the sexy nighty and can't get any action from her husband, you went through an entire check list of reasons why a man might not want sex, and you urged the OP not to judge but to be compassionate and understanding and yet when a woman doesn't want sex you jump all over her?
> 
> Are you really a man?:scratchhead:


o20 is my kind of woman!

lol

And you can buy weed at the corner store here! Well, not quite yet, but later this year. They're working on approving nearly 400 stores state wide.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> lol
> 
> And you can buy weed at the corner store here! Well, not quite yet, but later this year. They're working on approving nearly 400 stores state wide.


I think anybody can buy weed anywhere really. 

My neighbor grows it right in his back yard next to his tomatoes! I'm betting it's soon going to be legal everywhere. Saving my money for a warehouse with store frontage. Gonna make a fortune! I have a green thumb but know nothing about growing pot.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> I have a green thumb but know nothing about growing pot.


It's called "weed" for a reason. It really is an easy to grow plant. We have issues with volunteers around here.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> It's called "weed" for a reason. It really is an easy to grow plant. We have issues with volunteers around here.


If my neighbor grows weed, why don't I ever get volunteers in my garden?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I think anybody can buy weed anywhere really.
> 
> My neighbor grows it right in his back yard next to his tomatoes! I'm betting it's soon going to be legal everywhere. Saving my money for a warehouse with store frontage. Gonna make a fortune! I have a green thumb but know nothing about growing pot.


You are too funny, AP.


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## Minncouple (Sep 9, 2009)

To the OP, how often out of say 10 times do you shut him down?

I posted a while back about how I have built up some resentment and frustration I have with my wife about this same issue. As a man, it really hurts being shut down continually. Noting wrong with just not in the mood or feeling sick, but continually shutting a person down is not good and a sure fire way to loose that spouse emotionally and even physically. 

Now, as far as the weed. We started playing with the 420 a year ago, at 42 for the first time. For those who have not had sex while stoned are really missing out. The wife almost cry's it's so good and can climax 2-4 times. I also found it amazing. I'd say it has been the biggest perk to our sex life to date.


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## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

To the OP: my wife and I went to a Love and Respect seminar and the way that he stated it was what made my wife realize what she was dong to her husband. He said if you ladies were only able to talk with your hubbie, and only your hubbie. And if you talked to anyone else you were a cheating, no good ho. Now lets say your hubbie refused to talk with you, how would you feel about him ? then he turned it around and asked the women, ' so how do you think your husband feels when you refuse him sex ? That is the crux of the whole matter. Are you willing to meet his greatest need ? I'd bet even a HJ or BJ would NOT be refused. And instead of feeling rejected, I'd bet he'd probably feel honored to be your husband. I know I would have,


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Baablacksheep said:


> To the OP: my wife and I went to a Love and Respect seminar and the way that he stated it was what made my wife realize what she was dong to her husband. He said if you ladies were only able to talk with your hubbie, and only your hubbie. And if you talked to anyone else you were a cheating, no good ho. Now lets say your hubbie refused to talk with you, how would you feel about him ? then he turned it around and asked the women, ' so how do you think your husband feels when you refuse him sex ? That is the crux of the whole matter. Are you willing to meet his greatest need ? I'd bet even a HJ or BJ would NOT be refused. And instead of feeling rejected, I'd bet he'd probably feel honored to be your husband. I know I would have,


WOW, this is really good advice.....:smthumbup:


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## Auboo78 (Mar 6, 2014)

donny64 said:


> Stop saying "no" and treating him like he's an errant boy reaching for the cookie jar.
> 
> Try "babe, I don't feel good right now, how about tomorrow"...and then follow up on that.
> 
> ...




You know I often think the same thing...which came first, the chicken or the egg?? My husband is a great manipulator in trying to get me to believe I started it by saying "NO" first. I get upset with him for his COMPLETE and TOTAL lack of emotional support and his inability to be romantic outside of and even in the bedroom. He really gives me no reason to want to be with him in the bedroom. If it weren't for my needs who knows if we'd ever have sex! I do understand its hard for him to show his feelings but you would think after 14 years together and me pleading with him to have not only a sexual relationship with me but an emotional one he would try just a little at least! So yes he makes it easier for me to say "no" but it's never the only reason. And for whatever the reasoning does it give him the right to get really super mad at me??? I mean to the point of starting an argument every single time and trying as hard as he can to emotionally hurt me by putting me down and saying really hateful things??? Then he tries to manipulate me into thinking we're arguing all because of me!! Then the vicious cycle starts..... I'm mad at him for being so mean to me and for some reason he thinks I should still want to have sex with him when I'm mad and no issues were ever resolved...so... I say "no" again because I am still mad at him and then the arguing starts all over again and of course I'M to blame for everything!!! 

So... Which came first????? The way I see it the only way to end this cycle is to NEVER say "NO" to my husband when he asks me to have sex with him!?!? Can anyone tell me how in the hell that that is fair at all??????? I think it's bull crap!! 

Sorry if this was way to much for just a response but this is literally the first thing I've ever written/posted on this forum. I just joined and I'm just learning so sorry! But if anyone does have any comments about what I've said please I'd love to hear it. Any other theories on "which came first" ?


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## Auboo78 (Mar 6, 2014)

Auboo78 said:


> You know I often think the same thing...which came first, the chicken or the egg?? My husband is a great manipulator in trying to get me to believe I started it by saying "NO" first. I get upset with him for his COMPLETE and TOTAL lack of emotional support and his inability to be romantic outside of and even in the bedroom. He really gives me no reason to want to be with him in the bedroom. If it weren't for my needs who knows if we'd ever have sex! I do understand its hard for him to show his feelings but you would think after 14 years together and me pleading with him to have not only a sexual relationship with me but an emotional one he would try just a little at least! So yes he makes it easier for me to say "no" but it's never the only reason. And for whatever the reasoning does it give him the right to get really super mad at me??? I mean to the point of starting an argument every single time and trying as hard as he can to emotionally hurt me by putting me down and saying really hateful things??? Then he tries to manipulate me into thinking we're arguing all because of me!! Then the vicious cycle starts..... I'm mad at him for being so mean to me and for some reason he thinks I should still want to have sex with him when I'm mad and no issues were ever resolved...so... I say "no" again because I am still mad at him and then the arguing starts all over again and of course I'M to blame for everything!!!
> 
> So... Which came first????? The way I see it the only way to end this cycle is to NEVER say "NO" to my husband when he asks me to have sex with him!?!? Can anyone tell me how in the hell that that is fair at all??????? I think it's bull crap!!
> 
> Sorry if this was way to much for just a response but this is literally the first thing I've ever written/posted on this forum. I just joined and I'm just learning so sorry! But if anyone does have any comments about what I've said please I'd love to hear it. Any other theories on "which came first" ?



Oh yeah and about the whole 'tell him you'll do it tomorrow' thing!! You do NOT want to know how he behaves if I end up NOT doing it tomorrow!!!!! What's up with that???? I'm not allowed to not want to do it 2 frickin' days in a row?? How was I supposed to know how I was going to feel the next day? Guys always say they can't go back in the past to fix anything so why bother being mad about it. Well women can't predict the future so why get mad about it???


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

I'm mad at you and I'm not even your husband.


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## Auboo78 (Mar 6, 2014)

DarkHoly said:


> I'm mad at you and I'm not even your husband.


What are you mad about exactly? Please clue me in! What did I say that was so wrong?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Auboo78 (Mar 6, 2014)

DarkHoly said:


> I'm mad at you and I'm not even your husband.


So why are you mad at me?????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Auboo78 said:


> You know I often think the same thing...which came first, the chicken or the egg?? My husband is a great manipulator in trying to get me to believe I started it by saying "NO" first. I get upset with him for his COMPLETE and TOTAL lack of emotional support and his inability to be romantic outside of and even in the bedroom. He really gives me no reason to want to be with him in the bedroom. If it weren't for my needs who knows if we'd ever have sex! I do understand its hard for him to show his feelings but you would think after 14 years together and me pleading with him to have not only a sexual relationship with me but an emotional one he would try just a little at least! So yes he makes it easier for me to say "no" but it's never the only reason. And for whatever the reasoning does it give him the right to get really super mad at me??? I mean to the point of starting an argument every single time and trying as hard as he can to emotionally hurt me by putting me down and saying really hateful things??? Then he tries to manipulate me into thinking we're arguing all because of me!! Then the vicious cycle starts..... I'm mad at him for being so mean to me and for some reason he thinks I should still want to have sex with him when I'm mad and no issues were ever resolved...so... I say "no" again because I am still mad at him and then the arguing starts all over again and of course I'M to blame for everything!!!
> 
> So... Which came first????? The way I see it the only way to end this cycle is to NEVER say "NO" to my husband when he asks me to have sex with him!?!? Can anyone tell me how in the hell that that is fair at all??????? I think it's bull crap!!
> 
> Sorry if this was way to much for just a response but this is literally the first thing I've ever written/posted on this forum. I just joined and I'm just learning so sorry! But if anyone does have any comments about what I've said please I'd love to hear it. Any other theories on "which came first" ?


I hear ya sister friend! Been there burned the tee shirt!

Can I encourage you to start a thread. Men don't seem to want to admit that for a woman, even an LD woman, if she's not interested in sex or your needs that means there's a problem with the relationship.

Girl, you have some serious resentment built up coupled with communication problems. Start a thread so we can all help you deal, heal, and get your freak back on.


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