# Poll: at what age should children not be allowed to sleep with their parents



## cavenger

A. Below 2
B. 2 to 3
C. 4 to 5
D. Whenever above 5 is fine


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## Lon

my son is 5, soon 6, he is never allowed to sleep in my bed, but most mornings I wake up and he is curled up beside me.


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## arbitrator

Case by case basis, but I prefer it being done prior to 2 years old!


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## Lon

As for "co-sleeping" we did this exclusively for the first 6 months (baby slept on the opposite side of mommy as I did, for safety reasons) and continued to co-sleep occasionally for the next 6-10 months...

By the time he was 2 he was always put to sleep in his own crib/bed. But of course, he would crawl into our bed frequently.


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## cavenger

So lets say your child wants to sleep with you at 7?....is it a problem?,,


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## YinPrincess

My husband and I started putting our daughter to sleep in her own crib when she turned 3 months old. Until that point she either slept in bed with us or slept in the same room as us. We do not want to encounter problems in the future with her wanting to sleep with us, but I've heard that it can go either way no matter how young you start them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75

Our oldest was 5 by the time he got completely out of our bed. Our daughter was about 2 when we started putting her in her own bed. Was a bit rough having her crawl in with us when her baby brother was there. We started with the youngest in his own bed... but then went to co-sleeping, as we did with the first two. Our daughter was officially, completely, out of our bed when she was 4. She still occasionally will come in when she has a bad dream, but those are rare. Our youngest, however, won't leave our bed. He is now 4 1/2. Sigh....

At age 7, I would have a problem unless my child crawled in due to bad dreams or being extremely sick.


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## Tony55

Certainly before puberty.

T


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## Thundarr

This subject is so subjective to details. Their's a huge difference based on culture as well as a difference between "on occasion" versus "every night".

Personally I think it's better to lay down with them in their bed rather than bring them to yours even at young ages like 1 or 2. Now if they wake up and come get in bed with you then I'm not nearly as hard core about it (5,6,7,8, whatever). 

I'm not sure exactly why but I feel like them knowing their bed is where they go to sleep is important for their development even if mom or dad tucks them in sometime. Some disagree.


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## Lyris

My girls both have their own beds, but we're pretty flexible about sleep in our house. Usually I'll lay down with both, reading, cuddling and singing until they're asleep, then get up. I go to sleep in my bed and then get in with whoever wakes up, usually the three year old.

If someone's sick or too noisy, the other one might go and hop in with my husband, although that's rare. 

I'll do this for as long as they want/need. I have lots of memories of being really scared when going to sleep and if I woke up in the night, but I was rarely allowed to sleep with my parents. 

Lots of adults sleep better with another person they love. Why would it be different for children?


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## Omgitsjoe

Our 5 year old and 10 month I'll old sleeps between my wife and I ...... we know the 5 year old will soon need to sleep in his own bed soon but when the time comes he will.

I figured with him sleeping right next to me I've been able to kiss and hug him dozens of extra times throughout the years so I figured its been ' bonus ' quailty time for us qns am not worried at all


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## Cosmos

My son always had his own bed and that's where he slept. Of course I didn't mind him snuggling in besides me in the mornings, or if he woke up after having had a nightmare, but my bed was always my bed.


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## 827Aug

Never. The children had their own beds from Day 1. I don't recall any of them having nightmares, so they never ended up in our bed from that either.


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## Corpuswife

Rarely....if you want to sleep. Or, that's at least how I look at it. When they were infants, I was in fear of them rolling off or me squishing them. When they were toddlers, I felt like they were heaters. During grade school, their knees and elbows would jab me. 

Mine almost never did-maybe a storm or nightmare. In JH or HS, I'd invite them when my husband was gone. Sometimes they would make a pallet on the floor and sleep in my room. We had some of our best conversations during that time!


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## Cosmos

What intrigues me about the 'family bed' scenario is what the couple do if they wake up feeling amorous? Do they sneak away to the child's bed?


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## Mavash.

Not a fan of the family bed however my youngest did sleep in our room for 3 years (the crib was in our room). It was either this or not sleep. I chose to sleep. We transitioned her out once she got into a big bed and that was the end of that. 

We snuck away to the playroom when we felt amorous. It really wasn't a big deal. We just made it work. She's 7 now and those days are nothing but a vague memory now.


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## kate542

Our children have never slept in our bedroom,why would they.
Cuddles and fun time outside sleep time are fine.


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## Coffee Amore

We did family bed/attachment parenting. When they were very young, we had a co-sleeper in our bedrooms. We never had problems getting them to sleep through the night. They were/are champion sleepers. By the age of 5, they were in their own beds in their own rooms, but if early morning they wanted to sneak into our bed for a few hours, we don't mind.


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## BarelyThere

Lyris said:


> Lots of adults sleep better with another person they love. Why would it be different for children?


That's it right there.

I used to fret that our then four-year old still slept with us, but when he was ready, he moved into his own bed (always set up and waiting for him) and was content thereafter. 

I think kids will move out when they're developmentally ready, but I also think it's not harming anything to start them out in their own bed, as long as they learn that comfort is always available to them when they need it.


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## Hope1964

I dont think children should ever be forbidden to crawl in with their parents if they need to. We had a family cuddle Christmas morning this year - my boys are 21 and 23!! They still like to snuggle once in a while  Granted we were all drinking coffee with Baileys 

My daughter has anxiety issues and has been known to crawl in with me on occasion even now - she's 18. I end up in the middle. For a while she slept on the floor beside me, and when hubby and I were split in 2010 she slept with me most nights.

I didn't do the cosleeping thing when they were little, except with my daughter. But they've always been allowed to come in at night if they wanted to.


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## Wiserforit

Cosmos said:


> What intrigues me about the 'family bed' scenario is what the couple do if they wake up feeling amorous? Do they sneak away to the child's bed?


We have two queen beds next to each other. They are in one and we are in the other. Every night after they go to sleep we have our romp and they almost never wake up. 

If they aren't sleeping we'll go to another room.


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## zillard

When my stbxw started working swings my D6 had trouble adjusting. I would do story time and songs at bedtime and often fall asleep next to her in her bed. But I'd get up an hour or so later. 

But I tapered off the falling asleep next to her.

Now with her mom moved out, if she wakes and is sad, or has bad dreams I let her crawl in with me. But again is usually only for an hour or two before I get up in the morning.


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## StargateFan

Both our boys were in their own rooms from day 1. Exceptions for illness that needs to be monitored such as respiratory distress or very high fever. Occasionally to settle them down if they are having trouble sleeping. Frequently for story time or watching a movie on weekends. Mornings usually do not work out because they are to squirmy. 

Read the book by Ferber if you have trouble getting them to stay in bed. 

Family snuggle time is always a good thing.


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## Thundarr

Sleeping with mom/dad is not the problem so much as the motives. It's sometimes an indicator of coddling. It's important to honestly evaluate the reasons and to know it's for their benefit first. BTW I'm not a hard core guy about when is too old or what is too often. Motive is very important though. 

The Dangers of Coddling


A lot of people fill their own emotional needs to the detriment of their kids. This can easily be justified as nurturing (even to ourselves). I believe most kids at 5-6-7 who are still in bed with mom/dad regularly are high risk.


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## ATC529R

to each his own IMO......... mine has had no trouble with cribb, her own bed etc......but she does end up coming into our bed probably 2-3 times a week in the middle of the night......whether it's because she went to potty or had a bad dream. it's nice to wake up next to her. but I would not want her to HAVE to sleep in our room.


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## teresa

I love sex, so I wouldn't want my kids in the same bed. Since they were babies I had their crib in my room but they weren't allowed in my bed, later on moved the crib to the room next to mine and they were fine. Then I became a widow and we shared a bed for a while, even just for comfort. I used to cry with my old one to sleep, she was six years old when her dad passed away and we would just hug and hug. Now I remarried and no one is allowed not even in my bedroom, much less in my bed (except my husband of course!!).


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## Miss Taken

Whatever works for you and your kids. Not that I'd sleep with my kids every night until they hit puberty, I would think most kids grow out of wanting to sleep next to mom or dad before puberty. But even then, there might be times when sharing a bed or room is a necessity like when camping in a tent or renting a hotel room...

We shared a room or co-slept with our first born until he was around 2 years old and he's been sleeping like a rock since then. Save the times when he was scared or peed the bed, he stayed in his own room and bed just fine from then on. He's 8.5 now and I let him occasionally sleep with me until his little brother was born last September - not as a habit but if we were staying at the cottage or fell asleep on the sofa while watching movies. 

I'm nursing and I co-sleep with my three month old baby now, so until I wean when he's one year, sleeping together makes sense. I get a lot more REM sleep this way and have more energy during the day than if I had to traipse down the hall, sit in a rocking chair, stay awake to nurse, and go back to my bed to sleep. 

I also don't have it in me to do the "sleep training" or cry it out method so I just put up with night waking/feeds until they grow out of it and judging by my first born, they do grow out of it.


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## southern wife

My 7 year old daughter has been in her own bed since she was 5 months old. Bed time is no issue with us at all. When she was in her crib and was ready to transition to a toddler bed, she was thrilled to have her "big girl" bed. Now she has a twin size trundle bed; we pull out the bottom bed when she has sleep overs. 

I think it's important to establish these ground rules early in life to support independence in your child. Teach them that there's nothing to fear in their own room/own bed. They make plenty of dolls and stuffed animals for children to cuddle up to.

Friends of ours have their almost 8 year old daughter STILL sleeping with them. They can't get her to her own room/own bed. To me, this is a :nono: I woudn't have it! I can't even imagine how their sex life is. But we do hear the complaints.

Another couple, let their kid sleep with them until she was in her teens!  No way, no how!!!! Well, they are now divorced. I wonder why? :scratchhead:

Now when my daughter is sick and wants to sleep with Mommy, that's fine. But as soon as she's better, she's back in her own bed in her own room.

They don't call it the "marital bed" for nothing!


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## mhg

Hope1964 said:


> I dont think children should ever be forbidden to crawl in with their parents if they need to. We had a family cuddle Christmas morning this year - my boys are 21 and 23!! They still like to snuggle once in a while  Granted we were all drinking coffee with Baileys
> 
> My daughter has anxiety issues and has been known to crawl in with me on occasion even now - she's 18. I end up in the middle. For a while she slept on the floor beside me, and when hubby and I were split in 2010 she slept with me most nights.
> 
> I didn't do the cosleeping thing when they were little, except with my daughter. But they've always been allowed to come in at night if they wanted to.


This sounds like our house. Our four didn't sleep in our bed at all unless they were sick etc.
Now, at the ages of 23, 19, 18 and 17, the younger three all boys, they dive onto the bed with their Mum when they're all home and have cuddle time.
Christmas morning - I was up getting my wife coffee, heard assorted whispering and stifled laughter, and when I went back to the bedroom with her coffee, there's all five of them lying squished into the bed with the blankets pulled up to their necks, grinning widely.
I think it's a case of your kids feeling that they CAN come to your bed if they need comfort.


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## girl friday

Never, my kids had their own cot, then bed right from the start. I think that they need to get into good sleep routines and having their own beds and set times to go to bed helps in this. There is nothing wrong with them needing to come for support and cuddles if they have nightmares or are sick, but otherwise they have always slept in their own beds and I have never had sleeping issues. Parents need to have their own space for the sake of their relationships.


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## NelsonTrouble

Our children still sometimes end up in our bed, our oldest is under 6 and it usually is a "cant fall asleep" type situation, where they end up sleeping with me/us then transferred to their bed as soon as they're snoring away. The youngest under 5, crawls in next to me/us about 5am a few times a week. I get up by 6 and she moves right into my spot completely until its her time to get up. 

We have no issue with these situations with either of them. They are not everyday happenings. And having an hour or so of cuddle sleep time together while they still want to cuddle is priceless. 

We also allow cuddling/naps on the couch laying with either of us in the afternoons sometimes.


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