# my struggle with pornography addiction



## rocketship_99

my life was turned upside down last month with some serious charges stemming from my pornography addiction that had taken over my life. my entire body hurts knowing that my girlfriend of 3 years hates my guts.
i have realized my out of control porn addiction is the reason why i went so far; i was out of control and could not stop. i am glad this has happened for one I will get the help I need and secondly I will be able to live a full life again. im under a no contact order with my gf and 3 month old baby. I haven't seen or heard from either of them since I was released from police custody. i spoke with my gf over the phone briefly but didnt say much other than the fact i dont know whats going on because i didnt at the time. only after getting my disclosure what i really knew the allegations that are being made.

i am hearing some charged words from my former? gf's side of the family and her as well. i hope she will eventually understand my actions were never meant to hurt her like they have, but I will become a much better person and hopefully she will give me a second chance at life. i love her no matter what.

just thought i would share my current day to day life.


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## trey69

Have you been back on porn? Are you seeking professional help?


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## rocketship_99

i have stayed far away from porn since this all happened last month. trying to stay far away from computers as well but occassionally I like to come on these boards to see if there's any other in a similar situation such as mine.

i am seeing a certified counselor but he keeps canceling my appointments so im going to seek out another. i want to get the help i need so this never happens again. 

on top of everything currently going on I got a phone call from my dad this morning and he was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and has less than a year to live.


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## PFTGuy

rocketship_99 said:


> i have stayed far away from porn since this all happened last month. trying to stay far away from computers as well but occassionally I like to come on these boards to see if there's any other in a similar situation such as mine.
> 
> i am seeing a certified counselor but he keeps canceling my appointments so im going to seek out another. i want to get the help i need so this never happens again.
> 
> on top of everything currently going on I got a phone call from my dad this morning and he was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and has less than a year to live.


Just want to say I wish you blessings and the best of luck through your struggles toward healing and reconcilation. Sorry about your Dad, too.


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## SockPuppet

Thats crumby, man. Porn is... crazy when your into it.

It kind of sounds like your porn addiction is what caused your arrest and the "no contact" order. More insight would be nice.


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## randomtxguy

Just saw your post and wanted to wish you well. Life happens one day at a time, just hang in there.


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## annagarret

Find an accountability partner. Know your triggers. Yes, stay away from the computer or install Safe Eyes, with some one else knowing all passwords, its free for 30 days. Retrain your eyes to bounce away from all sexy images. Get a different phone with no web. Read Every Mans Battle, by Steve Arterburn.

Know that your girlfriend? wife? takes this very personal, as women sex even porn is tied up in our relationship with you as our man. We know when you guys look at porn you are having mental sex with these women. It kills our desire for you. We can't open up sexually. We are repulsed and disgusted by it just because we are female. It took me 15 yrs to understand this struggle in my own man. Keep the faith, fight for this don't give up, there are many, many men in your shoes and they have fully beaten their addiction. Prayers for your dad too.......you have a lot on your shoulders......


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## Lily24

annagarret said:


> Find an accountability partner. Know your triggers. Yes, stay away from the computer or install Safe Eyes, with some one else knowing all passwords, its free for 30 days. Retrain your eyes to bounce away from all sexy images. Get a different phone with no web. Read Every Mans Battle, by Steve Arterburn.
> 
> Know that your girlfriend? wife? takes this very personal, as women sex even porn is tied up in our relationship with you as our man. We know when you guys look at porn you are having mental sex with these women. It kills our desire for you. We can't open up sexually. We are repulsed and disgusted by it just because we are female. It took me 15 yrs to understand this struggle in my own man. Keep the faith, fight for this don't give up, there are many, many men in your shoes and they have fully beaten their addiction. Prayers for your dad too.......you have a lot on your shoulders......


This is really good advice. I am going thru a situation with my husband regarding porn and trust. I am going to have him take a look at that book. I feel like I just do not believe anything my husband says anymore, we have been together 6 1/2 years but only married a little over a month and i just recently found a whole bunch of nasty pictures and porn websites in his history on his cell phone. That is EXACTLY how i feel, my desire is killed.


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## annagarret

Lily24 said:


> This is really good advice. I am going thru a situation with my husband regarding porn and trust. I am going to have him take a look at that book. I feel like I just do not believe anything my husband says anymore, we have been together 6 1/2 years but only married a little over a month and i just recently found a whole bunch of nasty pictures and porn websites in his history on his cell phone. That is EXACTLY how i feel, my desire is killed.


lily 24, hang in there. As females we do not understand this at all. I try to imagine that they have different kind of vision then women and that by just being male they can't help it. But they can have self-control and bounce their eyes. That's what the book advises. If you get the book you read it too. Most importantly don't REACT to your husband. He needs you to not judge him, if he opens up and shares his struggle you have to support him, it may disgust you but if he senses that he can't trust you,, he will shut down. That's why men need another man to talk about this . His porn viewing has NOTHING to do with you. It's hard because our heart is tied up with our happy place, but work hard to mentally separate. This is most important, learn to see the world through your husbands eyes. Start noticing all the sexy images, tv shows, movies, tight clothes, beautiful ads and have compassion that it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to get away from it. But with God all things are POSSIBLE


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## Hope1964

My husband has a sex addiction and attends Sex Addicts Anonymous. Have you looked into any of the 12 step programs?


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## Blanca

annagarret said:


> Most importantly don't REACT to your husband. He needs you to not judge him, if he opens up and shares his struggle you have to support him, it may disgust you but if he senses that he can't trust you,, he will shut down.


I have been through the porn battle with my H for a few years and I would have to disagree with this as a solution. I think as women going through this we need to be honest with ourselves and our spouse about how his behavior is effecting us and worry less about their reaction to us. It is more important to be emotionally honest, be open about the hurt and the mistrust we have, and be less concerned about trying to get him to react to us in a desirable way. If you act a certain way to get a desirable response from your H then that is actually manipulation and it will put stress on your relationship. You have to act from what you feel, openly communicate the hurt and mistrust, put boundaries to protect your heart, and let the rest take care of itself. If he really wants to change, he will. If he cant change then you dont want to stick around anyway. 

I did know my H needed someone he could talk to openly, someone who was in full support of him. I told him he'd better go to counseling. It was not healthy for me to be completely emotionally unbiased in such a painful situation. I was very open in telling him my feelings because there was no way i was going to be an impartial listener. I was angry, hurt, and a little resentful. He did go to counseling and it has helped immensely. He has someone that can be an impartial listener. 

Years later, after my H and I have gone to our separate corners for a couple years to do some individual healing, we are able to listen to each other and be supportive. But that was not an option until we both learned to heal with outside help. And it was never an option until we could both learn that sometimes your spouse cannot be there for you.


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