# Everything is just going so Wrong!



## Jasmin1128 (Mar 7, 2011)

Hi everyone, I am new to the board and I just need a place where I can clear my head, and basically people who can understand me. If you can't bare to read a long crazy story then this is not for you.

Well basically I'm young, I'm 22 yrs old, young, married, and confused. I got together with my husband Feb. 2008, we got married Oct. 2008. We eloped. Crazy? Back then, not to me or him. In Oct. he went off to the army. We were madly in love. Barely even argued, we just had disagreements. Everything was so perfect for us. I felt I had the perfect man and he felt he had the perfect woman. We were so enveloped in happiness nothing could tear us apart. April. 2009 he came back from the military. Still things were amazing. We moved in together and I got pregnant. He had no job but was collecting unemployment and going to drills one weekend a month and 2 weeks out of the year. We thought we'd be living the perfect life, but it all changed. The 2nd month I was pregnant he had to go to a 2week army drill. He thought his drill was at 6pm but it turns out it was supposed to be at 6am. To get him out of trouble with the army, I decided to go to the hospital and "fake" like I was bleeding just so he can have a letter with an excuse. There they gave me unneeded IV, Probed me, and I waited hours and hours just to be released. While at drills, he used his android cell phone to go into a chat room. Through an e-mail I found out he was exchanging pictures with a girl. I became livid. In the e-mail, he told the female she was ugly and he would never associate himself with someone like that. Regardless, of what he said, I was completely hurt and overwhelmed. I did everything for him and this is how he treated me. I called him and told him we were through. I couldn't stomach being with someone who could easily "get drunk" as he stated, and try and talk to other females. I didn't speak to him for a week. With in the week, I received a million phone calls and a bunch of I'm sorrys. I loved him too much to let him slip that easily, besides it was his first offense.

The more pregnant I got, the worst it got. I was extremely sick and miserable through my pregnancy. I was a high risk pregnant woman who threw up more than 5 times a day. I couldn't eat hardly anything but crackers and grapes. I quickly lost, 20lbs. I was stuck in my house 24/7 just feeling as if I was dying. It was pretty bad for me. Anyway, There were days I would plan to go with him to the movies. Even if I was sick I just wanted to get the hell out of my house. I needed air to breathe! So we'd make plans to see a 7 or 8 o'clock movie. I'd get completely ready. I packed up bags just in case I needed to puke, grapes, ginger ale, and crackers for when I got hungry. At the last minute, he'd blow me off to hang out with someone else such as his brother. I pleaded to him just to take me to the movies and he just wouldn't go for it. His attitude sucked! I cried my eyes out and asked him how he could just blow me off like that and he never had an answer for me. I'd get so infuriated I start to throw things on to the floor and slam doors. I didn't know how to handle it. It wasn't just one time that he did this, it was several.

Eventually I got over it and he still didn't care. As months went on of me being pregnant our financial situation went bad! He spent all of his army pay (which was about 12,ooo) on jewlery, weed, and alcohol. Things just started getting terrible!! When I tried to talk to him he just wouldn't listen. He said I was nagging, complaining, whining, and he did not do good with lectures so I just needed to cut it out. More months passed and he still had no job, no money but unemployment, and I never went to the movies. 

It was my bday, Nov. 28 (7 months pregnant) and I waited all morning and afternoon to see if he had something special in stored for me. But there was nothing. He spent his money that week on junk and there was nothing left for me to do. At the end of the day he decided we go to his moms house. I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to spend my bday alone or at home, so I went. His brother felt bad that it was my bday and ended up taking us to play pool for about an hr. at 11pm. I was thankful that we went out, thanks to his brother, but I still wasn't happy. He never made up for it.

Christmas Time came and by then there was a new issue. I noticed he was addicted to his FaceBook and he was now always texting some girl he used to go to school with. We were in a cab going to his mom's house and I glanced over at him and his phone when he was sitting next to me, and noticed he wrote something that said your cute... I didn't say anything in the cab cuz I wasn't too sure if he really did say that. Later that night, he left his phone in his moms bathroom unlocked. Curiosity of course got the best of me and I browzed through the texts. Apparently he told her that she was sexy/cute and so was her 5 sisters. he kept flattering her in the texts but she didn't do the same. I was mortified, heart broken, and hurt. I told his mom I can not stay at their family get together, his mom and sister asked why and I explained the situation. They didn't want me to go. I mean who would? I'm 8months pregnant, it's late at night, and Christmas day. I told her I needed to and I was too distraught to celebrate. I wanted to cry, I needed to cry, I could taste my tears! I just wanted to run home. I live an hour and a half away. I didn't care how late it was, all that mattered was how hurt it was so I needed to jump on that train! I told my husband I was leaving and he kept questioning me why. I didn't want to tell him the reason, so I kept saying that I needed to go and don't worry about it. Of course he kept insisting and then started to get mad. I then blurted out, it's because you don't know how to talk to females! He got mad that I went through my phone and just blew me off. When I was getting my stuff his mom just told me to get the girls number and she'd call her and So I took my husbands sim card from his phone to put it in mine. Minutes later, He was in rampage all over his moms house searching for his phone. Everyone said they didn't know but he knew that wasn't true. He was pissed off, cursing up a storm and yelling at me saying he knows I have it. I didn't give in. I got the number and gave his mom back his phone. His mom later gave it to him & he deleted all the text messages he had. His mom called the girl, apparently it was some girl he used to date back in the day. She claimed they had nothing going on and he never used to come out any way to her. She completely lied to his mom, but we knew the truth cuz we read the messages. Nothing better that night so I went home.

Eventually, things got "fixed" between us or so I thought. 2 more instances came up with girls and for the last one I couldn't take it. By this time my newborn was just born. He was about 1 or 2months old when it happened.. I was just plain sick of the same old thing. I read in his Facebook that he was going to arrange a meeting with one girls that he was talking to form his old highschool. It wasn't just a regular hang out because in the message he was flirting with her as well. I personally knew it was way more than that. What got me more upset is that he had army drills the weekened that it happened. His phone was messed up so I lent him mine. He went on his facebook through my phone and when he came home he forgot to log off. When he went downstairs to the store I went through my phone and went to the internet. I saw his Fb was up and went through the messages. (Oh yeah BTW we were NOT FB friends. he kept deleting me every time we had a fight and was always posting bad things about me online in his status-- it even got so far that on my baby shower, Dec. 5 he called me a tranny all cuz I wouldn't let him or his friends smoke weed that day.. especially cuz it wasn't allowed in our rental area.) So yea, I went through the messages and read messages between him and a girl named Emily, he seemed way too fond of her and was being so extra nice that I couldn't even tell it was coming from him. He had so many names to call her like beautiful, gorgeous, sexy. I couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't pregnant, I didn't have to just take it. I decided to run outside and meet up with him. When I saw him I asked him if I could talk to him and he said No. (Mind you, he was mad at me b4 bcuz I didn't want to have a 3some with this chick! Sorry if I'm all over the place but I'm trying to let you know how it happened while I remember it) I told him it was urgent and finally he gave in. We went on a secluded block and there I bombarded him with questions. I said something along the lines of "So your not married right? And I'm some sort of stalker and u don't even have a baby with me?!?!" (these were some of the things he told her) He looked really stupid in the face and I punched him! We got into a physical fight downstairs. he wasn't hitting me but I sure as hell was hitting him. Eventually, he freed himself from me and ran off. That night I was packing my stuff and the babys stuff to leave. But he caught me packing and put all of the babys stuff away.

I felt too overwhelmed to argue or fight so I just dealt with it. The next day I gave him an ultimatum. I made him delete his Facebook and stop talkin to every girl he knows forever or I was going to divorce him and leave with the baby. He did it.

Soon he became an alcoholic and then started fighting with me almost everyday and things pretty much got bad. It was only good on the days it wasn't bad.. When we had good days, I was addicted to him. He was amazing. He was the guy I used to know. And when he was bad, he was the devil. When he was drunk he was a plain old demon-- a person I did not know or wanted to know. I just wanted to hide from him and run away.

A lot of my story is missing plenty of things.. but I'm only letting you know this because I don't know how to get out of a situation like this. I know my relationship it unhealthy, It gets more terrible than what I'm actually writing. Worst than girls. I mean him just being plain drunk and criticising everything about me. From the way I look to the way I act, and I'm not even an ugly person or a bad one. Not to be full of myself but I'm pretty as hell and still he knows how to hurt me! He would compare me to models and exs. And just go nuts in my house.. 

Basically, I'm asking for advice on how to get out of a crazy relationship! I've dumped him plenty of time but always take him back. I never want to see him with anyone else and every time we have a terrible fight I feel like an idiot for taking him back. I NEED ALL THE HELP AND ADVICE!! I think I'm addicted to being hurt.. I'm an idiot.


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## openheart (Mar 8, 2011)

I am sorry to hear of your difficult situation. It sounds like you have a great heart and you obviously just want the best for yourself, your husband, and your child. My recommendation is that you leave him and go live somewhere else. It does not seem like there is any chance that things will improve the way they are. It's up to you if you want to file for divorce now or ever. I am against divorce unless marital abuse or unfaithfulness occurs and think you should try to work through it always but I think you have grounds for divorce. Tell him you will not tolerate his behavior. Leave and take your child somewhere else. Tell him if he changes for good and wants to be together you will consider it. Otherwise, it just isn't wise to stay with him and take this abuse. You know it is wrong. Do not raise a child in this environment. God bless.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hi and welcome to the forum. So sorry you have all of these problems going on in your life. 

I honestly don't see your husband changing for the better. Perhaps, when your husband does these things, you should ask yourself if you really want your son brought up in a home like this. Think like a mother. That should motivate you to take your son to a stable, loving environment. Do you have family you can stay with? A great family network can be so helpful in times like these.

You sound like a terrific person. You can do much better than this. Good luck!


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## Faithy (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree. I don't think your husband is going to change for the better, unfortunately. He needs to want to change. I'm sure you feel you've had the same conversation time and time and time again, and it will get better, but the changes are only temporary. 

Here's the way I look at it. It's mind over matter. Yes, it is going to hurt like hell if you leave, but the REALLY good news? You're only 22. You really do have your whole life ahead of you. Not to mention, you must think about the safety and/or well being of your child. It's not fair that s/he would have to grow up in a situation as tense as the one you're in with your husband. In order to move forward, you have to learn not to look back. Take every day one at a time and try to work up the strength. You know in your heart you don't deserve this, nobody does. But my fear for you, my dear, is that you're going to wake up one day and be 30 and realize you just wasted a decade on the wrong man. 

It's never too soon to begin and never too late to start

Mind over matter...


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