# Withdrawing & Resentful Spouse



## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

I am on the younger side and have been married for about three years or so and have been together with my wife for several years before that. 

I am speculating that depression and anxiety are some of the key contributors to her behavior along with other things I have potentially done. For months, so she has been progressively withdrawing and refusing to talk about our relationship problems. Like other members experiences, I always get blamed that I try to initiate conversations before she falls asleep and that I do not listen to her or she says she has no energy to discuss things ever. She has been extremely irritable and resentful the vast majority of times these last several months. We have attended several sessions of counseling but this has not helped that much except that some of the problems seem a little more clear. The marriage counselor thought it may be a lack of emotional maturity and communication skills on her part and that she has been putting up an emotional wall. 

I have been so frustrated trying to be as supportive as possible and to initiate very calm, non-judgmental conversations just so we could get the communication flowing. I have always encouraged her to seek help about any depression or anxiety. 
A number of months ago I mentioned the idea of going to law school in another state (moving and selling our home) as we were both frustrated with our jobs and asked her how she felt about it and that's when the resentment started in full force along with the existing depression in the backdrop. I mentioned I would not ever risk our relationship if she did not want to go along with this goal and that I could attend something closer to our home for sure but it still seemed like that didn't alleviate anything. One of the main reasons I even mentioned moving was b/c of our shared goals and our current career frustrations. 

She mentioned that I have been overly consumed with work the past few years and that we have not had a real marriage. I told her that I would do everything I can to try to balance things out better and work on the relationship. 

Now, she disappears without any communication and comes back the next morning after going out with friends drinking and no longer wears her wedding rings and gets very defensive if I ask about it. This has been starting to continue the past several weekends after the work week. I don't feel that she is cheating but am pretty devastated about it and our current relationship status. I felt before this that b/c I am laid back and I let her make a lot of the decisions and many outsiders comment that I let her be controlling. 

My family thinks I should consider moving on if things don't work and especially since she has never warmed up to them over the past several years. I love her very much and would like to do everything I can but am not sure if it's a lost cause as I feel like I am almost starting to be in an emotionally abusive relationship as I have been walking on eggshells almost everyday for several months. 

Anyone have success working through these issues? I do take solace that she has checked into individual therapy.


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## letitgo (Nov 3, 2009)

Has she been put on any antidepressants? or is the doctor aware she is depressed?


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## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

I don't believe the doctor believes she is depressed as she has not mentioned this during routine appointments. She is not currently taking any medication. There is a resistance when I bring up medication so it seems like individual counseling is the only thing she's open at the moment (she is currently seeing a marriage counselor individually after our joint sessions).


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## daddio (Dec 26, 2009)

It sounds like she might be looking for a way out of the marriage. Prepare yourself and consult a good lawyer to protect yourself.


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