# Should I be concerned?



## oberyn (Jun 5, 2013)

My wife and I are currently trying to working things out. She left me about five weeks ago saying that she was no longer attracted to me and that she didn't love me in that way anymore. After a while she dropped that and blamed my self nullifying behaviors and her inability to do anything she thought I could potentially have a problem with for fear of me not telling her if I had a problem with it and then feeling like I had a problem with everything and therefore feeling guilty any time she wanted to change something about our lives. She has also told me that she had felt that I was holding her back in life and now sees that she was holding herself back for reasons unrelated to me and wound up blaming me because it's harder to admit to your own failings.

Anyway, she is still living in a separate place but we see one another almost everyday. In the few weeks that we have been working it out we have had a few chaste pecks on the lips that felt meaningful and a bunch that didn't. We have exchanged two long kisses that felt meaningful and I've tried to initiate them a couple more times. I asked her about the ones that don't feel right and she said that they are weird, like kissing your own arm.

Last night we cuddled up on the couch to watch movies and cuddling is not an usual thing for us to do, nor did it really feel forced or anything.

I've suggested a romantic evening in for later this week, fancy candle lit dinner and all that. She seems agreeable but hesitant which I suspect part of that might be that she thinks it's an attempt to seduce her... which I am not against but am not planning on trying. At the same time, she's applied for a new job one city over. I asked her what her plans were for us if we got the job and she suggested we could either look for a two bedroom place in that city, I could get my own place in the city or I could stay in this city and we could visit. The two bedroom place stood out to me, of course, being the first implication we could be living together again in the near future.

My question is, should this situation with the lack of romance for lack of a better word worry me or is it still just early in the reconciliation process and I am expecting too much too fast?

Also... Any suggestions on how to proceed?


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

My spidey senses tell me you are missing part of the story. Are you sure she didn't leave you with another man in mind? If that didn't work for her, is that why she is coming back?

If her problem was she couldn't do things because she felt you would have a problem with them, have her give you examples. talk though them and pay very close attention. If she tests you out on her going out to see other men, ask her point blank if she did that. She will deny of course, but if she get's angry at you for asking, you pretty much know she is lying. 

If you think there was no infidelity, or that she wasn't leaving for someone else that didn't work out, then seek marriage counseling before you decide to move back in together. If you think there was someone else involved and she just isn't admitting it, then bail on her and go find someone who can be honest with you and themselves.


----------



## oberyn (Jun 5, 2013)

I'm pretty sure she didn't leave with someone in mind. To be honest she doesn't really have the free time to carry on a separate relationship, plus after she first left she was pretty harsh with me to try to get me to not want to try to work things out and she never mentioned another person which I feel she would have as it would have been the easiest way to cast me off.

I asked her to call me later on tonight and I am going to suggest counseling. I found a couples counselor in the area who is taking on new clients earlier today. I am not sure how she will take to that, though. I'm a little nervous about it to tell you the truth. If she says no I am going to have to admit to myself I am in even bigger trouble than I thought.


----------



## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

I'd just ask her if there's another man instead of trying to guess. If she starts acting uncomfortable with the question then you have your answer. 

If there IS another man, I wouldn't allow yourself to be a plan B. 

You sound like you're a "nice guy" have you read no more mr nice guy?


----------

