# Should I take my son to a terapist?



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Hi, 

My son is six going on seven and he is a bit difficult to deal with. I'm wrestling with the idea to get him help via therapist because he is ver dramatic,very assertive, but also is always patting himself in the back when it isn't appropriate. He is a gloater and its a facade. I can see it. I'm afraid I hurt him in someway and don't know it. When he was smaller up until about two years ago my hubby and I fought a lot, it was terrible and I wonder if I scared my son and ruined his spirit. I have a two year old who is also always around and doesn't really allow me to play with him alone.

Lately he's been saying I don't love him and says all these negative things about himself when I cannot do what he wants.i feel guilty. I don't know why, but I keep wondering why he says these things and how i can turn him to optimism instead of pessimism. Sometimes he's happy but mostly he's very serious and when he doesn't get his way will say those things. 

Again, I am being honest, I do not play too much with him but i am home with him and my daughter all day. We walk to and from school while he rides bike with his buddy, he has the same buddy staying over to play while I watch him for his mom, I thought this would make his self esteem better but instead it's the same. 

I should also mention I just stayed home with them since my daughters birth. Don't know if it makes a difference. I am in school and keep coming across play. Kids need play they learn through play, they have relationships with people that play with them. As much as I want to I don't, my daughter interferes, and playing with him is a bit hard because he pats himself on the back over things that shouldn't be and I feel I have to correct it so he doesn't become this crazy ego maniac but at the same time I see him cower when I do so. My poor son just thinking of it makes me sad. He cowers, like if he is being shamed, like when I have yelled at him. I feel terrible about the way I have come across to him and want to change things.

I've also posted before about my house being chaotic. He doesn't listen well. I have to repeat a lot and I lose my alien e and finally yell at him. Tats when it's the worst. He's even told me I am nicer to his buddy than I am to him. I feel terrible. 

I don't want for him to think I don't love him or that he isn't important, I'm also very limited in funds to pay for therapy. Any advice is appreciated...

Could my guilt be from the simple fact I don't play with him and he prolly doesn't have a great relationship with me because of it?


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

It sounds like the whole family could benefit from some therapy. Perhaps your son for IC and you for some counseling as well. Its hard to say for sure, but yes his environment can play a role in his behavior, but he may also have been born with certain traits that could contribute to him acting the way he does, so it may be a mixture of things. Only a professional would be able to help with that. Where is his father? Does he help you out with the kids?


----------



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Yes, dad is here and doing a great job with the kiddies. He really has changed a lot and our relationship is waaaaaaaaay better. If we argue its away from them, we have done quite a bit of changing these last two years. His affair was a blessing in disguise. 

As for my boy I feel like its my guilt eating at me. I have very little to pay for bills let alone therapy..... Any tips I can try at home first?

Positive reinforcement? I was thinking of charting his good deeds like when he does as he is told the first time and his chores like HW and clean up etc....and also spend 15 min daily of playtime with him alone?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If your H is good with the kids, then ask him to take your daughter and spend 30 minutes to an hour with her each day so you can focus on him. Every time he lies or brags, point it out to him and ask him if he thinks it makes sense to say such and such. Point out that if someone else experiences it, it may make them not want to spend time with him, that he's fine just by himself and that will be good enough for his friends. Raise him with logic so he can reason these things out.

But yes, go for the therapy.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

turnera said:


> If your H is good with the kids, then ask him to take your daughter and spend 30 minutes to an hour with her each day so you can focus on him. Every time he lies or brags, point it out to him and ask him if he thinks it makes sense to say such and such. Point out that if someone else experiences it, it may make them not want to spend time with him, that he's fine just by himself and that will be good enough for his friends. Raise him with logic so he can reason these things out.
> 
> But yes, go for the therapy.


What is he gloating about?


----------

