# Dealing with ex's



## Staci_stars (May 5, 2014)

My wife's ex still is emotionally attached to her. I have talked to her about it. He is always trying to talk to her, or get her to text.

I asked her recently why do you respond to him? she says its about the kids, yet why does it matter what the kids ate for breakfast. If it does matter, ask the kids, they have cell phones. My wife does delete these text.

What is your thoughts? also if you are in this position how much is enough text, and how much is too much?

Do you think she is still emotionally attached, or perhaps since she knows he is there, to keep him around as a parachute?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Was this an issue BEFORE you married her? Or has this only become a new thing? 

Nobody is really into their partner/spouse being in close ties with their ex who still carries a torch for them. Human nature and all that. 

She probably deletes ecause she knows 1. you'r enot ok with it. And/or 2. doesn't want to start an argument or worst case scenario 3. still has an attachment and doesn't want you to see the evidence. 

So again, I ask: was this a problem before you married her and you just pushed it into the back of your mind hoping it would go away? Or is it a new thing? If it is the former, you already know what I am going to say. If it's a new thing, be wary. 

They have children together so he is always going to be a part of her life. 

How long were tgey split up before you got involved with her?


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## Staci_stars (May 5, 2014)

When we met it was 2-5 month, now 40 plus. I understand they will have the kids in common, I don't text my ex. we have kids, but I don't need to contact her, I can contact my kids. 

They was divorced 3 years. Just seems strange to me. Trying to get a feel if its normal,


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

He is trying to work his way back into her life you need to stop this before it becomes a problem


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am confused at this timeline.

You met her 2-5 months after her separation but she got divorced 3 yrs later and now you've been together for 40 years?

You may not believe in texting/contact your ex but your wife does.

Is this a new issue or not? You never said.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

If I may ask what was the cause of their separation?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I am confused at this timeline.
> 
> You met her 2-5 months after her separation but she got divorced 3 yrs later and now you've been together for 40 years?
> 
> ...


I'm confused as well. If the OP and current spouse have been together for 40 years, then the "kids" aren't "kids" and would certainly be old enough to contact their Mom without their Dad's help...lol


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dammit. How did I miss that? 

LOL.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

From Stacy's other thread:



Staci_stars said:


> Some days I feel as if I'm losing my mind. My wife and I have been married going on 5 years. this is both of our 2nd marriages. My first ending after 20+ years, hers was over 15 years.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

The texting was 2-5 per month when they first met. Now it's 40 per month. At least that's how i took it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

This is like "whose on first. what's on second, I don't know is on third."

I guess it boils down to too much texting between ex spouses. If that's the case then open your mouth and tell her, "enough". Especially over trivial things like whose eating a bowl of Space Munchies for breakfast.


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## Staci_stars (May 5, 2014)

LOL @ jellybeans. regret214 got it correct. she texted him 2-5 times a month, now its 40-50 times a month. The people i've talked to don't text that much with their ex's, and their kids are very young.

Her first marriage ending because of her infidelity, mine ended because of my ex's infidelity.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Staci_stars said:


> Her first marriage ending because of her infidelity, mine ended because of my ex's infidelity.


History will repeat.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Don't get stuck. Follow through with plans to stop by her work, hire the P.I. etc.

You stated your wife is controlling. Well, you need to have some of this controll. She needs boundaries on the texting and these texts need to be open and shared. If it is related about the kids, then he texts in the evening when you are around. 

She is stone walling on this, perhaps due to her controlling nature, but there are enough red flags to really ramp this up.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

So tell her to stop deleting all the texts or to send you a copy.

How would she like it, if you had a friend on the side?


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## Staci_stars (May 5, 2014)

Thanks to everyone who has helped, I appreciate it. I just left my attorneys office. She will be served this coming week. I've had enough.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

??? Did the texting become inappropriate?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Wow. 

That was sudden. What happened?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Wow.
> 
> That was sudden. What happened?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



OP woke up and did the right thing. Completely inappropriate behavior.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Wow.
> 
> That was sudden. What happened?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The one thread where no one even mentions it and FLASH-DONE.

Maybe he can talk to Haiku.


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