# I’m made to feel like everything’s my fault



## Wifeandmummyof2 (Mar 16, 2021)

My husband got up this morning to wash and brush his teeth... I forgot I’d put towels into wash and were none in the bathroom. So he came in moaning. So I said just dry your hands on your boxers having a laugh... so he dried them on the duvet. So I went mad... I need to know did I do wrong going mad at him or was he just disrespectful. I am never right and always do wrong. And he’s always right and if he thinks he’s right he’ll make me feel like I’m wrong. But now I’m doubting myself with everything. I just need to give in and say he’s right?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

It will do nothing to "say" he's right. And, it will do nothing to "give in".

Your husband was indeed disrespectful to dry his hands on the bedding. He should have gone and gotten himself a towel or a newspaper.

There is no need for you to doubt yourself. Everyone forgets something once in a while.

Just move forward, you had a right to be angry at his adolescent behavior.



Wifeandmummyof2 said:


> he’ll make me feel like I’m wrong.


You're giving him far too much power..... use your own good sense of "right" and "wrong"..... forgetting to put a towel in the bathroom is not "wrong", it's human..... in fact, you have, most likely, not forgotten to put a towel in there in 99 out of 100 instances..... maybe 999 of 1000..... in human terms, this is "right".....


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Did the water hurt the duvet? No kitchen towels you could have fetched for him?

I suggest you never run out of toilet paper.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You "went mad" because he dried clean hands on the duvet? 🙄 I'm sure it dried pretty fast.

Seems like a valid choice to dry his hands on it. If I were getting dressed, I wouldn't want to dry my hands on my underwear, either. Leaving me with wet underwear.

If you are the one who removed all of the towels from the bathroom leaving none to be found, you left him with slim choices.

I 100% would have done what he did.

Do you often "go mad" over small things?


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## Wifeandmummyof2 (Mar 16, 2021)

Livvie said:


> You "went mad" because he dried clean hands on the duvet? 🙄 I'm sure it dried pretty fast.
> 
> Seems like a valid choice to dry his hands on it. If I were getting dressed, I wouldn't want to dry my hands on my underwear, either. Leaving me with wet underwear.
> 
> ...


They weren’t clean boxers as he hasn’t got ready for work yet. The cupboard is full of towels which he could of got one out from. Not just hands but face/beard too.. Little things like this do wind me up yeah! I leave a book out and he goes mad. But then he’ll find something in a cupboard and leave everything out and it’s my fault if it’s not put away..


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Wifeandmummyof2 said:


> They weren’t clean boxers as he hasn’t got ready for work yet. The cupboard is full of towels which he could of got one out from. Not just hands but face/beard too.. Little things like this do wind me up yeah! I leave a book out and he goes mad. But then he’ll find something in a cupboard and leave everything out and it’s my fault if it’s not put away..


Truly, but humorously, I'd not dry my hands nor face or beard on dirty boxers, especially. 

You may be right on other items, don't know all 🙂👍 but the idea to dry clean skin on dirty boxers is worse because you mentioned they were dirty, in a way that you thought was better.

Yep, I dry my hands on dirty underwear all the time. Not. Is funny, though 🙄🙄.


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## Wifeandmummyof2 (Mar 16, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Truly, but humorously, I'd not dry my hands nor face or beard on dirty boxers, especially.
> 
> You may be right on other items, don't know all 🙂👍 but the idea to dry clean skin on dirty boxers is worse because you mentioned they were dirty, in a way that you thought was better.
> 
> Yep, I dry my hands on dirty underwear all the time. Not. Is funny, though 🙄🙄.


I didn’t mean to dry his face as I said in first post I said wipe hands on then... while he looked for a towel for face. Why should I stop doing something I’m doing when he’s a grow man and could get a towel out the cupboard. He’s not a child and not incapable of getting a towel out instead he dried them on the duvet... that is childish.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Wifeandmummyof2 said:


> I didn’t mean to dry his face as I said in first post I said wipe hands on then... while he looked for a towel for face. Why should I stop doing something I’m doing when he’s a grow man and could get a towel out the cupboard. He’s not a child and not incapable of getting a towel out instead he dried them on the duvet... that is childish.


The duvet was a better choice. 

Let's see, dirty underwear or duvet? Not really a choice. I'd use the bedspread if closer.


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## Wifeandmummyof2 (Mar 16, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The duvet was a better choice.
> 
> Let's see, dirty underwear or duvet? Not really a choice. I'd use the bedspread if closer.


well I hate to think how dirty your boxers really are... 😬 nothing is too dirty to dry hands on quickly while finding a towel! Can always rewash hands


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Wifeandmummyof2 said:


> well I hate to think how dirty your boxers really are... 😬 nothing is too dirty to dry hands on quickly while finding a towel! Can always rewash hands


I'm not being disagreeable in this case, because there really isn't just one best or correct solution, just different, all equally ok in the long run.

Btw 👍🙂 boxers aren't THAT 🙄🙄 dirty 👍👍🤣🤣 but that's just part of the problem. Then one has hands just dried on day old underwear and wet underwear. Combined, a non solution. 

Have you ever dried your very wet hands on your panties while your face is still dripping water (IE his beard apparently was very wet, too)?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Livvie said:


> You "went mad" because he dried clean hands on the duvet? 🙄 I'm sure it dried pretty fast.
> 
> Seems like a valid choice to dry his hands on it. If I were getting dressed, I wouldn't want to dry my hands on my underwear, either. Leaving me with wet underwear.
> 
> ...


So he couldnt actually get himself a towel????


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wifeandmummyof2 said:


> I didn’t mean to dry his face as I said in first post I said wipe hands on then... while he looked for a towel for face. Why should I stop doing something I’m doing when he’s a grow man and could get a towel out the cupboard. He’s not a child and not incapable of getting a towel out instead he dried them on the duvet... that is childish.


Maybe he cant find himself a towel, poor darling🤨


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I don't understand why it's such a federal case that he dried his hands on the duvet. I've been known to put my dripping, just washed (with liquid hand soap and water) glasses on my bedspread to dry. I certainly would not dry them on my underwear though😛


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> So he couldnt actually get himself a towel????


Maybe he didn't want to root around with wet hands.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Livvie said:


> Maybe he didn't want to root around with wet hands.


Most people have a cupboard or shelves for towels, no rooting around needed.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If there were clean towels in the linen closet it should have been very easy for one of you to get a towel. Him drying himself on the duvet & you going "mad" over that is an indication that a lot more is wrong in your marriage. 

Everybody forgets things from time to time but in a good marriage you are a team. You help each other especially when one slacks.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

There is plenty missing in this story. Where were the clean towels in the house? Where was he in relation to them? Did he know clean towels were there or did he believe them all to be dirty? Did he take the dirty boxers comment as a joke, or as being snippy? Did he dry himself on the duvet with a smile or a glare? What actual damage was done to the duvet?

What are you seeking? A "he's a jerk, you go girl!"? A "how could I have handled that differently"?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife takes the towels without replacing them. For some reason she always leaves a single towel on the counter which is what I use in that case for an emergency dry.

I have learned over time that lamenting the lack of towels is an unwise decision. It is better to move to acceptance.

My other trigger is running out of workout clothes because she gets mad if I do laundry. Over time if I think I will run out I just buy more. Now I have so many it almost never happens although the other day I was down to one good pair of shorts so I may be ordering some soon.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Sounds like your relationship is tit for tat and you guys are constantly going against each other. 

If he moaned about the towel, you could have told him sorry babe I didn’t finish laundry, can you grab a towel from the cupboard. Meet him half Way so to speak. 

If your the one always doing something (laundry) then the expectation is that it will be done. So I understand how he expected a towel to be in there. I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do, but I understand it. 

Here’s a tip for long term relationships. If he is negative, be extra positive. And hopefully it will rub off on him.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> If your the one always doing something (laundry) then the expectation is that it will be done.


Yes, I am a big believer in this. People fall into patterns, one of the partners always operates the washing machine, or folds the towels, or makes the bed, or whatever it may be. So it's reasonable for the other one to "assume" that that's the system. If they want to renegotiate it, then do so! But if they make it their job, then they can't complain when the other person assumes it's their job. My wife would have been very annoyed if I had "interfered" with one of her areas.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> So he couldnt actually get himself a towel????


I've got to say, just me personally, is that if I had just washed face, hands, water around eyes and dripping beard (I have beard), and dripping hands....

1. No, I wouldn't want to traipse out of the master bath to kitchen or other bathroom, or use paper towels.
2. I'd hear why am I tracking water through the house from DW.

All that said, I can't remember a time when there wasn't at least one towel hanging in the bathroom. It may have never have happened.

Now, I have dried my face on DW's shirt front, with no hands, while she was wearing it, but there was a towel in the bathroom.. This was dealer's choice 😉😉😉.

I'd do that all the time if I could. 👍👍

Yes, it's the simple things...👍👍👍


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Most people have a cupboard or shelves for towels, no rooting around needed.


A man can't do that -- he will have used "the wrong towel"


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

My white duvet is the most expensive part of my bedding. I'd be annoyed and water stains would mean taking it off and taking to dry cleaners. Drying hands on cotton underwear would of been no big deal.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When anxiety nestles in your shorts, your ears are it's trigger.

Any little annoyance, any niggle, jiggle causes its pointy nose to get out of joint.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Unfortunately, you married a child and you are enabling him by behaving like his mum... and yes, he was disrespectful.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> Unfortunately, you married a child and you are enabling him by behaving like his mum... and yes, he was disrespectful.


Gotta disagree. Wiping his wet hands on the bedspread when all of the towels have been removed from the bathroom seems like no big ****ing deal, and "going mad" at him sounds like a spouse I sure wouldn't want to have.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

gold5932 said:


> My white duvet is the most expensive part of my bedding. I'd be annoyed and water stains would mean taking it off and taking to dry cleaners. Drying hands on cotton underwear would of been no big deal.


And if you did, I'd happily pay for the dry cleaning, not a big deal.

Everyone wins!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Most people have a cupboard or shelves for towels, no rooting around needed.


Like the bathroom cupboards?


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

My 2 cents....this is a mountain out of a mole hill. Someone PLEASE make sure there are in the towels in the bathroom from now on.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Truly.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Big fuss over nothing.

Surely he noticed there wasn't a towel in there when he went in, he had the option of asking you to get one for him or getting one himself. He chose neither.

I wouldn't be impressed if my husband wiped his hands on the bedding either. I wouldn't go mad over it though.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Big fuss over nothing.
> 
> Surely he noticed there wasn't a towel in there when he went in, he had the option of asking you to get one for him or getting one himself. He chose neither.
> 
> I wouldn't be impressed if my husband wiped his hands on the bedding either. I wouldn't go mad over it though.


She didn't seem interested in either getting him one or letting him know she knew where some were (if indeed there were any towels currently available).... and suggested alternatives to dry his hands, she suggested he use his underwear he was wearing. I think he made an acceptable choice.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

OMG. He dried his hands on the bedding instead of his underwear? What an abusive jerk. When are you going to file?

All kidding aside, please don’t get bent out of shape for things like this. Marriage can be work at times and allowing things like this to get to you, will not bode well in the long run for the marriage. I’d hate to see you posting in 5 years about not being able to live with this man a second more after the way he dried his hands on the bedding 5 years ago.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

jsmart said:


> OMG. He dried his hands on the bedding instead of his underwear? What an abusive jerk. When are you going to file?
> 
> All kidding aside, please don’t get bent out of shape for things like this. Marriage can be work at times and allowing things like this to get to you, will not bode well in the long run for the marriage. I’d hate to see you posting in 5 years about not being able to live with this man a second more after the way he dried his hands on the bedding 5 years ago.


Actually HE might decide he can't continue with someone who goes mad about little things like this....


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Wifeandmummyof2 said:


> I am *never* right and *always* do wrong. And he’s *always* right


(1) I think it's rather evident that using words like "never" and "always" are red flags. As far as my life experience goes thus far, I've never met another human who is "always" or "never" something.

and

(2) This is about one helluva lot more than who dries their hands where.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Here's a thought. If I'm happy where I'm at and who I'm with, I'm not going to moan over no towels. I'll go to the guest bath and get one. Same goes for him drying his hands on the bed thingy. The question is why are two things so small bothering either of you?


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## 350211 (Jun 25, 2021)

Wifeandmummyof2 said:


> My husband got up this morning to wash and brush his teeth... I forgot I’d put towels into wash and were none in the bathroom. So he came in moaning. So I said just dry your hands on your boxers having a laugh... so he dried them on the duvet. So I went mad... I need to know did I do wrong going mad at him or was he just disrespectful. I am never right and always do wrong. And he’s always right and if he thinks he’s right he’ll make me feel like I’m wrong. But now I’m doubting myself with everything. I just need to give in and say he’s right?


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## 350211 (Jun 25, 2021)

Wifeandmummyof2 said:


> My husband got up this morning to wash and brush his teeth... I forgot I’d put towels into wash and were none in the bathroom. So he came in moaning. So I said just dry your hands on your boxers having a laugh... so he dried them on the duvet. So I went mad... I need to know did I do wrong going mad at him or was he just disrespectful. I am never right and always do wrong. And he’s always right and if he thinks he’s right he’ll make me feel like I’m wrong. But now I’m doubting myself with everything. I just need to give in and say he’s right?
> [/QUOT
> Why not buy another set of towels so you always have towels available? I've been married 49 years, and though I do most of the laundry, my husband usually unpacks it and puts it away. We each try to do something thoughtful and small for the other to "sweeten" our outlook! good luck!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Kind of a zombie thread.


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## 350211 (Jun 25, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Kind of a zombie thread.


Sorry...it's my first time ever posting online...Didn't mean to offend.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Hannah Gruen said:


> Sorry...it's my first time ever posting online...Didn't mean to offend.


The threads you’re posting to? The original thread starters aren’t posting on them any more. Check the dates for recent activity before you post and that way you can avoid bringing zombie threads back to life.


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