# It's just sex?



## missv (Apr 1, 2010)

I understand that men are from mars and women from venus, but is it really possible that men can think that "it's just sex"? Can they separate that type of thing, whether it's an actual physical affair or heavy flirting, from their marriage and their feelings? Can they really compartmentalize different relationships?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Why not? I'm a woman and I can.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

I made a commitment, a oath and a promise to be with only my wife. It's a promise I will keep, period.

That being said, IF my wife was okay with it, as far as sex goes I have to be honest I'd have no problem having sex with other women. But, since we agreed together that this is a relationship only between us it will stay that way.

I think the majority of all men can separate feelings from sex. We are biologically programmed to want to mount anything that moves. But, our mind is what sets us apart and stops us from going further. It's the knowledge that we made a promise, and we will keep it. 

I know how devastated it would make my wife if I ever cheated on her. So, I bottle those instincts up and follow my heart.


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## missv (Apr 1, 2010)

Thank you both so much for your replies. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind because I sort of can understand that way of thinking, but no one else around me can seem to. You know, the girlfriends who are "on my side" and "support" me. Obviously I'm the one who's having it done to me (not my choice), and don't get me wrong, it really pisses me off. But I can understand why he feels this way. Part of me wants to continue to lose the weight and then tell him to f__ off. Another part says--hey, if you weren't married, you'd try whatever it took to attract him, why is it so difficult to do the same thing now? And still another part says--cut your losses...find someone now who will appreciate you for you. What's good for the goose....etc.


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## missv (Apr 1, 2010)

But sisters359, don't you feel guilty about the hurt he would feel should he find out?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Because I can does not mean that I do.

I was referencing single life, not married. But even in marriage, it was often "just sex." And no, I don't think it would ever bother a guy if a woman was "just having sex" with him rather than making love. Maybe if it was never more than that, and he wanted more (back in single life, I mean).

And "it's just sex" is NO excuse for stepping out on someone when the relationship is exclusive. Furthermore, if someone is having an emotional affair, it's a clear sign that there is a connection missing at home.

The ability to separate sex from love is not exclusive to one sex or the other. Nor is it in the make up of ALL men (or all women). Humans are too complicated for that. It's a combination of biological and sociological factors. In modern society, it may be easier for men b/c women have been socialized more to connect the two, as a way of keeping them from having sex outside of marriage.


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