# Need help



## Workdog (Feb 23, 2012)

I've been married for 39 years, and the past 3 have been absolutely, totally sexless. I've tried to talk about it with my wife, but the story has been "you never talk to me", or "I never felt like you liked me". I asked why she married me if she didn't feel like I liked her and she said "What other options did I have?" Ouch! Guess I was her way out of her mother's house.
Tried MC last summer, but she wasn't interested. So, I moved out in November. I would like to get back together, but she doesn't really seem interested, and seems to be planning her life without me in it. I guess it's probably time to admit that the M is over and file, but it's a hard thing to do.
On the other hand, I'm not going to spend any more of my life in a sexless marriage, and I'm betting after this time, that's what it'll be.
There is a lot more to the story that I could share, of course. After that long, how do you really let go? Or how do you come to the conclusion that that's what you have to do? Any suggestions are welcome.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

IFyou want her, and don't want a divorce.... why don't you WOO her? It sounds like that is what she wants. She wants you to WANT HER.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

OK maybe I'm a little late to this rodeo but why is it always the man's fault?

He has been faithful and a provider for 36 years and then she just decides "That's enough" without any (I am assuming here) warning? If she had issues, why couldn't she voice them?


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## Workdog (Feb 23, 2012)

Toffer said:


> OK maybe I'm a little late to this rodeo but why is it always the man's fault?
> 
> He has been faithful and a provider for 36 years and then she just decides "That's enough" without any (I am assuming here) warning? If she had issues, why couldn't she voice them?


That's one of the things that I'm struggling with. I've always had a good job, and shared freely. She has mostly been a SAHM, but when she has worked, her money has been her own, in her own accounts. If anything, I am the quintessential beta-orbiter type.

About four years ago she quit coming to bed until I was asleep. She said she couldn't sleep anyway. Then it was I never talk to her. While I may not talk as much as she would like, it's certainly not "never", or anything close. Now, she's saying that I never gave her money (not a good provider), never protected or supported her, and I've have destroyed our children's and grandchildren's lives by moving out. And, she never thought I liked her. The only reason she married me was to get her out of her mother's house. I must have been a real jerk for 39 years and didn't know it.

Is it just me, or does it sound like there is an EA going on? Or is this the result of menopausal hormonal imbalance?


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