# STBXH is dragging feet signing papers...



## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

IN my state the 2 spouses have to sign and notarize a "marital agreement" between each other. I took this paper to STBXH mother on Monday to have him sign it in front of a notary and then return it to me. I gave her the paper a week ago and he keeps giving me false deadlines on when he will return them, first he could get them to me Saturday, Saturday turned into Monday and now Monday is Tuesday. I'm not sure if he has been served with the divorce papers yet, he has 20 days to respond and then the process really starts, so I want to make sure I have all the necessary paperwork ready to be filed, when that day comes. After all the paperwork is finally filed, we have an additional 90 day waiting period (new state law), before our divorce will be final. Why is he dragging his feet? This is so frustrating. What can I do to make him move faster? He had an affair with his married co-worker, at first wanted to file for divorce 2 weeks after we separated and now he is dragging his feet getting it done. His excuse today was he went snowboarding....


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

OMG! Snowboarding? Really. (shaking my head)

If he is resentful toward you then he's just trying to tweak your nose. Could be other things but geez. How immature. 

What's his mother's attitude toward you? toward his OW? and toward him? 

It could be she's giving him counsel to delay the signing. He could have promised her to "think about what he's doing". Do you and your MIL get along okay? 

IF his mom is "on your side" and doesn't want the divorce to proceed you might just want to give her a call (One single call) and let her know there is no hope for reconciliation and you'd appreciate it if he respected you enough to not keep you on hold.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

What do you mean by he has 20 days to respond? Is that a deadline of your own making or some legal thing?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Could you file in Nevada or another state? Sorry if this is a daft question, but in the UK (well, except for some differences in Scottish law, laws are pretty much the same throughout the UK.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> OMG! Snowboarding? Really. (shaking my head)
> 
> If he is resentful toward you then he's just trying to tweak your nose. Could be other things but geez. How immature.
> 
> ...


 His mother and I were friends before I ever started dating him. We get a long well. She has been very nice and helpful (as far as being the middle man for me, when I have not wanted to see him)...she is the type of lady that is 100% behind her son. I do however wonder, if she has disagreed with his choices, just because she has seemed to be supportive of my daughter and I during this whole thing. I have chosen not to speak with her about my feelings (since my STBXH is her son and I do not want to put her in the middle of things or make her uncomfortable). And yes, the snowboarding thing was a joke. I will see if he follows through with signing them tomorrow. I have told him, I do not want our divorce to go through on our would-be "wedding anniversary"...


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Jasel said:


> What do you mean by he has 20 days to respond? Is that a deadline of your own making or some legal thing?


No after the person is served, they "legally" have 20 days to respond to the summons...anyway that is the way I understood it...


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Could you file in Nevada or another state? Sorry if this is a daft question, but in the UK (well, except for some differences in Scottish law, laws are pretty much the same throughout the UK.


No your question is fine. I live in Utah, it is a new law. I guess they are wanting people to have a thinking period, maybe to reconcile...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kaya62003 said:


> No your question is fine. I live in Utah, it is a new law. I guess they are wanting people to have a thinking period, maybe to reconcile...


Do you have a good lawyer? If not, PM me I may be able to come up with a few names of good divorce lawyers in Utah.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

You will end up with a divorce by default if he doesn't sign right?? Maybe if you ignore him and start acting like you don't care, it may get done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Kaya62003, 

I gotta be honest. It sounds like you are raising the question "Why is H dragging his feet?" because either you want it confirmed that he is an a-hole or you want to hear that he may still have feelings for you. Or both. 

If he has 20 days, he is by no means dragging his feet. It's only been 3 days, 2 of which were over the weekend. Maybe he's just lazy or busy doing other things. Remember this is someone who acts in his own self-interest - he'll "get around to it" when he's ready. You're wondering why he hasn't leapt to it and wondering what it means. I'm just saying, don't focus on it.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

staystrong said:


> Kaya62003,
> 
> I gotta be honest. It sounds like you are raising the question "Why is H dragging his feet?" because either you want it confirmed that he is an a-hole or you want to hear that he may still have feelings for you. Or both.
> 
> If he has 20 days, he is by no means dragging his feet. It's only been 3 days, 2 of which were over the weekend. Maybe he's just lazy or busy doing other things. Remember this is someone who acts in his own self-interest - he'll "get around to it" when he's ready. You're wondering why he hasn't leapt to it and wondering what it means. I'm just saying, don't focus on it.


Screw him (your husband, not staystrong).


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

staystrong said:


> Kaya62003,
> 
> I gotta be honest. It sounds like you are raising the question "Why is H dragging his feet?" because either you want it confirmed that he is an a-hole or you want to hear that he may still have feelings for you. Or both.
> 
> If he has 20 days, he is by no means dragging his feet. It's only been 3 days, 2 of which were over the weekend. Maybe he's just lazy or busy doing other things. Remember this is someone who acts in his own self-interest - he'll "get around to it" when he's ready. You're wondering why he hasn't leapt to it and wondering what it means. I'm just saying, don't focus on it.


No I really do not care if he wants me back or trying to overanalyze why he hasn't signed it or not. All I am saying is...he wanted to file ASAP when I discovered his affair, I decided after 4 weeks of waiting for him to do it, that I would do it. Yes, he is taking his time and it is annoying. He has 20 days to respond to the summons on the divorce papers, not 20 days to get the papers back to me. I am saying because we have at least 4 months to wait after he signs, I would like to have all "MY NECESSARY" paperwork ready to be filed (after he responds)...if you do not stay on top of him with things, it will never get done. If it serves him...it is done immediately...if it serves me..."he'll get around to it". I just want to be done and having him wait is annoying. And I did not pay the money I paid to "bluff" and see if he really does still love me and want to work things out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

staystrong said:


> Kaya62003,
> 
> I gotta be honest. It sounds like you are raising the question "Why is H dragging his feet?" because either you want it confirmed that he is an a-hole or you want to hear that he may still have feelings for you. Or both.
> 
> If he has 20 days, he is by no means dragging his feet. It's only been 3 days, 2 of which were over the weekend. Maybe he's just lazy or busy doing other things. Remember this is someone who acts in his own self-interest - he'll "get around to it" when he's ready. You're wondering why he hasn't leapt to it and wondering what it means. I'm just saying, don't focus on it.


But he demanded the divorce in the first place so he could get it on and perform acts of carnal congress, never before attempted by humankind, with his new Inamorata, but blessed by the comforting confines of a marriage license.

Maybe her husband won't let her go play? :scratchhead: Who knows why he is delaying?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

In Texas there is a plan B. 

I sent ex the papers to sign before I moved out of Florida.

I sent more papers from Texas. I contacted him he said no problem.

I sent them again. (He said he never got them...whatever...)

I went through the Sheriff's office in Fl. They attempted to serve him 3 times. No contact. Send me proof of attempts, I get to file uncontested. 

Win for me! 

(60 days here! Plus, I was able to do it all on my own, just a matter of filing papers, reading on the internet, and asking questions. The whole thing cost me $294.)


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

If he defaults on the summons, won't that work in your favor of the judgement?


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> But he demanded the divorce in the first place so he could get it on and perform acts of carnal congress, never before attempted by humankind, with his new Inamorata, but blessed by the comforting confines of a marriage license.
> 
> Maybe her husband won't let her go play? :scratchhead: Who knows why he is delaying?


Very true!!! However, as I have previously stated...they can have each other...there will be no reconciling on my part


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Okay, but 3 days doesn't constitute foot dragging. 

That's only 15% of his allotted time.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

staystrong said:


> Okay, but 3 days doesn't constitute foot dragging.
> 
> That's only 15% of his allotted time.


I realize you are trying to be helpful. However, I gave his mom the paperwork on Monday January 28 and we are going on a week now.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kaya62003 said:


> Very true!!! However, as I have previously stated...they can have each other...there will be no reconciling on my part


But what if the OW asks you very, _very_ nicely?


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> But what if the OW asks you very, _very_ nicely?


Like I said...they can have each other...:smthumbup:


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Your daughter still doing OK Kaya? I feel your strength growing with every post - even if you don't notice it. I do.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Your daughter still doing OK Kaya? I feel your strength growing with every post - even if you don't notice it. I do.


Yes is doing excellent! She has pretty much written him off. Which is sad for him, but what does he expect after all of this? And yes, I feel stronger and thank you for noticing


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Kaya62003 said:


> I realize you are trying to be helpful. However, I gave his mom the paperwork on Monday January 28 and we are going on a week now.


Okay, I think I misread when it landed in his hands. 

Is there anything in these papers that he wouldl need his own attorney to review before signing?


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

vi_bride04 said:


> If he defaults on the summons, won't that work in your favor of the judgement?


I do not know...is that how it works? This is my first divorce. My STBX is a pro at divorce, seeing this will be his 3rd.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

staystrong said:


> Okay, I think I misread when it landed in his hands.
> 
> Is there anything in these papers that he wouldl need his own attorney to review before signing?


No we are not contesting anything. I owned my home and had a life before I met him...so I kept my finances separate from his finances. We just split everything down the middle. And boy am I glad I did not follow anyones advice on merging our money together.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Hang in there. Is your job being affected by the turmoil? If it is, and you have an understanding supervisor, you might consider confiding so that your evaluation doesn't suffer. 

Keep your strength up. Proper diet. Plenty of sleep. Positive affirmations. The storm will pass.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Hang in there. Is your job being affected by the turmoil? If it is, and you have an understanding supervisor, you might consider confiding so that your evaluation doesn't suffer.
> 
> Keep your strength up. Proper diet. Plenty of sleep. Positive affirmations. The storm will pass.


Um, when D-Day first hit I could barely work the full 9 hr day I am required to work. I know my I do not concentrate on my workload like I should. My manager has been very understanding and just wonderful. And surprisingly most of my coworkers have been very supportive. 

I have not been able to sleep very well. But I do need to get out to the gym, start eating better and getting in a new routine. But that is good advice (as per usual) :smthumbup:


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

Kaya, i must admit that you were very smart in not merging your assets. you've kept your dignity and self-respect intact throughout this whole ordeal. good for you.


i might've missed it, but did you ever expose this affair to her husband. this man deserves to know of this, especially if it's ongoing.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

cledus_snow said:


> Kaya, i must admit that you were very smart in not merging your assets. you've kept your dignity and self-respect intact throughout this whole ordeal. good for you.
> 
> 
> i might've missed it, but did you ever expose this affair to her husband. this man deserves to know of this, especially if it's ongoing.


Why thank you Cledus. I have strived really hard to maintain my dignity and respect. I cry almost daily but I attempt to do it in private (and never in front of POSSTBXH). I am very glad I followed my gut on the asset situation. I did attempt to expose the affair, but he either didnt believe the friend who told him on my behalf or he just wanted to pretend it isn't happening. I agree he has a right to know, but if he doesn't want to hear it there is nothing I can do. I know all 3 of them work together and that place is like High School...so I am assuming it'll be a matter of time. Maybe something will happen to open his eyes. I did tell STBXH that he has not only destroyed his family, but someone else, who has done nothing to him. I couldn't live with any of that on my conscience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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