# Depressed Wife after her Affair



## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

My wife had an emotional turned physical affair. They are suppossed to be No Contact going on 90 days but I suspect emailing. 
She is I would say depressed my councillor agrees she said she is not going back to hers. She filed for divorce I was never served those papers should be no good now. I mention possibility of divorce now and she now gets very angry and defensive. 
She has talked about not being here as well as a talk that confirmed she has at least thought about suicide. ( I am very tuned into that and will act if it goes beyond talk).
But what do you do with a person who will deny being depressed, and has been so for at least 3 months, will not take care of herself, and will not listen, and knows well enough to deny deny deny if I just try to send her in for evaluation?

Need some input thanks all.


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## TimT (Mar 25, 2011)

*Re: Depressed Wife after Her Affair*

It's a very frustrating position to be in when it almost seems like you care more about a person than they care for themself. It sounds like you are doing some great things (willingness to work on affair recovery, seeking help, tuned into threats of self harm, etc.), but you have to accept the fact that you cannot make changes for her. If you want change more than she does... if you work harder on her change than she is willing to work... then you will be constently frustrated. In a weird way, her behavior allows her to stay in control and you aren't able to get what you need from her in order to heal. At some point, you're going to have to allow her to accept responsibility and consequences for her choices.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

True so I may need to set a boundary or detemine my limit and say get help or______consequence_______
Ahh the joys of adulthood.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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