# How to separate when Hubby won't leave?



## scrumpet (Nov 25, 2012)

Hi,

I'm truly posting this about a friend of mine (no disguise and this is not about me). She's married to a jerk, who has been an alcoholic for YEARS! They have one child, who is now about 11. They have a beautiful home, but she's been supporting the family while he's been on (questionable) disability.

I could tell the whole story, but the real question here is: How can she leave this marriage if he won't leave? She has asked him to, and he won't. She has no family... would she have to leave her home and go to a homeless shelter? Because if so, I'll tell you now that it won't happen. So where does one go from here?

Thanks for any advice. The answer is "Leave!" but the question is "How?"


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Tell her to talk to a Divorce Attorney; her leaving the home may HURT HER financially. 

If worst comes to worst, she can move into her OWN bedroom (with a lock on it) until the divorce is final. She can do a 180 and ignore him COMPLETELY...only caring for herself and the child.

LEGAL ADVICE IS mandatory in this situation!


----------



## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

Yes definitely get legal advice. By the sound of it the husband could turn nasty so extra support is vital.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Call your local Domestic Violence Hotline. Tell them the situation. They have lots of resources and are quite knowledgeable about how to leave a potentially violent home.


----------



## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Two choices absent an agreement between the owners of the marital home:

1. File for divorce and at the first hearing, known as the pendente lite hearing, ask for temporary exclusive use of the home while the divorce proceeds. If the court goes along with it, the judge will issue a kick out order to the husband and he will have to move out while the D goes forward. This does NOT affect his property rights and he can still negotiate for the home in the final settlement. 

2. File for a domestic violence restraining order if there is TRUE abuse. Doing this just to get use of the home is HIGHLY unethical and may backfire if evidence of abuse can't be produced in the future. 

Without either of those options, then the above advice is best.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

scrumpet said:


> Hi,
> 
> I'm truly posting this about a friend of mine (no disguise and this is not about me). She's married to a jerk, who has been an alcoholic for YEARS! They have one child, who is now about 11. They have a beautiful home, but she's been supporting the family while he's been on (questionable) disability.
> 
> ...


She could file for divorce, but they'll likely both be in the house until the court kicks one of them up or they sell the home to split their assets. Would she be able to buy him out of his share of the house? Because he does have a right to half of their marital property.

As others have said, she really should begin by talking to a lawyer. And frankly, if she wants out of the marriage, then she should take steps to leave. He's just as entitled to live there as she is. It sucks to be the sole income earner and seeking divorce, as countless men (to sexually stereotype) have found over the years. And yes, I know that many women have been in the same boat...

C


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yes she could buy out half his equity in the house . If he wont leave the only option she has is to talk to a lawyer. Most offer a free initial consultation. They can tell her what she needs to do.


----------

