# Separated



## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

Anymen out there been seperated multiple times from spouse.. feeling exhausted


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What are the rules of separation? Are you each allowed to date others?

I assume your wife wanted the separation.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Separated twice Reconciled once. 

Happily divorced now. 

You know the saying about doing the same thing over and over expecting different results?

If it's not working, chances are it's not going to work.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

What is the goal of separation? To me if you are wanting to work on the marriage you can't do that part. I have always looked at separation as a transition to divorce. Haven't known anyone who has come back from that personally.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> *What are the rules of separation? Are you each allowed to date others?
> 
> I assume your wife wanted the separation.*


*If these are truly the ground rules for separation, then IMHO, the marriage is all but over!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> You know the saying about doing the same thing over and over expecting different results?


Insanity


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

as far as i can tell, there are a couple reasons for separation.

the traditional one, and as developed by the courts is a period apart to heal wounds and try to salvage the relationship.
this means no dating. if the relationship cannot be salvaged after a reasonable period of earnestly trying, then the next step is divorce.

unfortunately, some people use this as an excuse for dating. 'wheeee! i'm free! now i can sow my wild oats!'
this makes a total mockery of the marriage, even if it was a bad one, it deserves some introspection and reflection.

i consider this approach to be immoral, unless (second reason) there is agreement by BOTH PARTIES that the marriage is over and separation is just a 
necessary formality and that both are adamantly seeking divorce. even then, it's not wise to date when the devastated relationship is so raw and 
neither probably has reconciled their own contribution to the marriage demise.

where does your wife stand on this?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear socal04;

You might want to get a book like MW Davis Divorce Busting and read it carefully. I also strongly recommend Chapman's 5 Languages of Love. The point is you should turn the "separation/reconciliation/separation/divorce" into a learning experience that allows you to change yourself so this won't happen again.

Figure out what you did wrong (and there will be something even if it is choosing the wrong kind of partner or not paying close enough attention to warning flags prior to falling in love). Yes, you need to change something about you so you respond differently in the future.

Good luck.


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