# my husband and i have separated and I am not coping very well



## depressed11 (Nov 8, 2011)

My husband and I have been married 5 years and been together for 7. 

A couple of years ago I was made redundant and a year before that I found out he used his webcam to show himself off to other girls and chat to them as well. I kept this hidden from him for 2 years and after we went away for a weekend I confronted him as I was miserable all the time. I was always having a go at him for no particular reason and this was my way of dealing with his infidelity. 

When I confronted him, I asked him if he wanted us to divorce if he wasnt happy with me. He said he loved me and what he was doing was what guys do. He thought of me a lot while he was showing himself and asked me to join him. I did a few times but all the time I wasnt really comfortable. 

I think him 'cheating' on me is the root of all my problems which have risen since. 

The house we have is owned by him and his sister. I have always wanted our own place together but me being out of work and not getting full time work is a problem. I am contracting every few months and I have not found stability in a job for 2 years. 

The house situation has frustrated me a lot. To the point where a couple of weeks a go I confronted his sister but having no job, theres nothing I can do to buy her out. His sister went mad at me as she has put in a lot of money into the house so that me and my husband can live there comfortably. We pay for bills and the mortgage but frequently go overdrawn and my husband has put a lot of savings into the account to keep us afloat. He has practically run out of money. 

I didnt apologise to his sister but sent her an email a few days later apologising. 

The house is cluttered and he is always buying dvd's, cd's and figurines. I get fed up all the time. 

He buys me things that I dont want and he gets happy but Im miserable as I did not ask him to buy me things. I have taken him for granted I think. 

Im always swearing at him for no reason and abusing him mentally. He's had enough. I said I am willing to change and respect him. He is not sure if I willl change. 

We are also trying for a child and have decided just recently to go through IVF. 

Due to the row with me and his sister, his parents have taken her side over mine, which I understand. My husband feels trapped between us and considered separation. I didnt want to separate. we had arguments every day for a whole week. In the end he chucked me out of the house and I have been staying at my parents for 3 weeks now in a sleeping bag. My husband has not once contacted me. I cry all the time, making my parents ill. they cant cope with me. Ive always said to my husband my parents will have me back no matter what. But I want to be with my husband more than ever. 

I want to get back with my husband but feel I shouldnt make the first move. I dont know if he is considering divorcing me. I havent spoken to him and have no idea what he's thinking. I dont know if he will cancel the IVF now. 

He wants a month's break. I feel I have no choice but to give it to him. This is eating me up inside and I feel I will never be happy again. 

Also he has not once asked how I am, no text or email, as I said earlier, but I emailed his sister when we argued. I dont know what his family are telling him to do, to get back with me or to divorce me. They are probably all influencing him and i have no say in the matter. 

What advice can you give me. I feel so down and have no one to talk to.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

The first piece of advice is *don't have a child now*! You are in no position to bring a child into this mess. Get your life in order first. Your husband needs to grow up, both of you need to be financially secure, and you and your husband need your own place. That's just for "starters".


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

my advice is to start the "D" proceedings. You can always stop them before they are final but it may give him the slap in the face he needs.

Q~


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