# STBX's ow/gf won't leave me the f.. alone



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

o here's my update. It's been seven months since my husband left me for an 18 year old ex student of his... I feel like I finally turned a corner, although I still feel down a LOT. While I am dealing with the fact that this is my life now, I cannot reconcile myself with the fact that he brings her around my kids. For those who remember, the first time I caught him, I slapped him. I'm not proud of it, but my kids are 2 and a half, and 7 months old. We are not able to divorce until Jan, as the law requires us to be separated for a year. It absolutely kills me that he wouldn't even give the kids a grace period to get used to the new reality

I mean, ****, they are still building their primary relationships with us! There's the rub I think. He wants the kids to probably always remember her, and feel like she's their mother. That seriously, ****s me to tears. THis interloper's deodorant makes me gag... when I smell it on my babies. It makes me want to cry and I just lose my will to live, every time he has them. He has them once a week, once! They don't even get 'dad time' alone with him then. It's just all so sad. 

As for me, I'm back at work, and actually being the most successful I've ever been. Go figure. I pay my mortgage, see my friends, cook dinner every night, take good care of my babies. They seem very happy, which makes my life worth living. I have completely distanced myself from my stbxh. I don't even attempt to text him, even about the kids, unless it's an emergency. The new issue seems to be his new 'gf'. She just won't quit posting stuff about me. Vindictive stuff, belittling stuff, stupid bit*chy teen stuff on fb. My friends tell me about it sometimes, if it's something particularly stupid (I quit FB). She just won't f*uck off! She won. What the hell does she want? Shouldn't she be happy now? He's all hers. She is beginning to seriously creep me out

Seems like she's now bitter that I get to keep the house, and seems to think she should me mom. Over my dead body. She's 18 for Christ's sake. This is so sick. I have removed myself from this twisted triangle, but she just keeps at it. Insolent, arrogant teen. I keep ignoring it, but honestly, it pisses me off. I'm not the person who others walk all over normally. I RESENT the intrusion into my life. First she weaseled her way into my ex's life, then broke apart my marriage, now she won't quit till I'm dead or something like it. Psycho. If my and my ex can let it go, why the hell can't she. I'm sure he talks **** to her about me, but this is ridiculous. What a rescuer she is.... I don't want her in my life! I never invited her into it. She bulldozed it, and I'm seriously sick of her. Invasive parasite. I want my damn privacy back. Any advice guys and gals?


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

FB is the devil, thank God I deactivated it.

Even though there isn't a OW in my picture(atleast not yet) I do feel for you.


She is just really petty and jealous and no matter what she does or says...she can't erase you from his life. You will always be the ex-wife, the mother of his children, and that probably drives her crazy.

She sounds very immature and I would just let it roll off your back.

I would've smacked the sh!t out of him if I were you, too. I've already told my stbxh that there is no way I am letting him bring around every Tori, Jessica, and Beth around our baby. If he found someone, she had better be pretty damn special to let her around.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

My ex runs a daycare and sees some of these babies almost as much as their parents do. She is caring and affectionate for them and treats them like her own children. But someday they will move on out of her business for whatever reason, they always do. It won't be long and she will be a distant memory to them. 

This 18 year old and your husband have basically no chance of staying together more than a year or so. Then she will be just like any preschool teacher or daycare worker they barely knew.


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Yeah, she is only 18...she will be gone before you know it.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

mule kick, that's what my IC told me. I hope it's true. I wouldn't put it past this chick to talk about me to my kids. It just hurst to know that she's competing for my kids (esp. baby girl-sooo young), love with me.... And that is what she is doing, judging by her behaviour and delusional fb updates. I resent people airing their dirty laundry to the whole world. I just feel violated. I want her to focus on HER life, not mine. Why is she doing this??


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Because she knows it bothers you and she is jealous of your past with your stbxh.

She probably also lives off of drama.


Again, she is young ,and soon, after all the newness wears off and she sees you are not taking her bait, she will get bored and she will be gone.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Because she's a teenager. No other reason. She's a kid.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

abandonmentissues said:


> Yeah, she is only 18...she will be gone before you know it.












This.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also she fears you. She's trash talking you because you're the one he's had kids with no her. 

In her head she really does think she will be "his wife and mother to his kids", the problem for her is that you already did that, and the kids will ALWAYS be yours not hers.

So her little 18 year old ME ME ME head is lashing out at you and being nasty.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honey,

Not only does she fear you, things are CLEARLY not going that well between them.

Affair partnerships handbook, section 101... "When you run out of things to talk about, start ripping on the ex"

BTW - nice work with the emoticons.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Hahahaaha, thanks Conrad. The emotiocons have been mastered!
As for how things are going between them, my pesonal wish is that this continues at least until past the divorce, so I can get the best 'guilt settlement' I can... But seriously though, I hope that they last longer and take their time eventually ripping each other apart.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

That's so funny I am going for the guilt settlement, too. She would sign almost anything now. If he is out of the picture? Might pay for that lawyer.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

:moon:Nah, he's broke. I was the breadwinner. Now they are both poor... I mean wealthy in their love


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Goodness, what a situation. Everyone has got it right - this relationship will not last. Your ex will soon enough tire of her immaturity and give her the heave-ho. Right now he's infatuated. That phase never lasts. Then he'll see what an absolute pain-in-the-butt she is.

As for this brat, she is demonstrating a pretty common behavior. She hates you because she has wronged you. Deep down, she she knows it, feels guilty, and she doesn't know what to do about it. So she must convince herself and everyone else that YOU are the bi*ch, that you deserve bad treatment. It's the only way she can justify her actions. 

Tell your friends to stop telling you anything about her FB posts. No matter what she says, you do not need to know it. Not one word. 

Your babies will not take anything away from this girl. She'll vanish. They will get older, start to recognize their father's indifference. You're the stable one, the loving one, the one they can depend on. Stay strong.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> :moon:Nah, he's broke. I was the breadwinner. Now they are both poor... I mean wealthy in their love


Thats why she's doing it, you have a house and money she resents that. She's 18 she will get bored with trying to play mum and drop your ex like a hotcake as soon as something better comes along.
Your kids have one mum and nothing will ever change that. 
Got to feel sorry for her really, poor kid thought she was going to get a house and money and all she ended up with is your lousy ex :rofl:


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I said this elsewhere, but it's quite surprising how much control over my ex she has. He doesn't even look at me anymore when he drops off the kids. Just makes a run for it.... I don't think he's allowed. Or I disgust him. Either way, I get the feeling she's keeping tabs on him, probably checking his texts to me. And she should. She shouldn't trust him. It's funny that he accused me of being controlling, yet he is being completely manipulated by this child. I think she'd love to control me too, but I'm not her territory. What a complete mess. I"m an adult, and have been dragged into this joke of a divorce with a joke of a reason. I wish this was a divorce like other divorces, based on differences instead of teenage infatuation. Makes me want to go take a shower....


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honeystly said:


> I said this elsewhere, but it's quite surprising how much control over my ex she has. He doesn't even look at me anymore when he drops off the kids. Just makes a run for it.... I don't think he's allowed. Or I disgust him. Either way, I get the feeling she's keeping tabs on him, probably checking his texts to me. And she should. She shouldn't trust him. It's funny that he accused me of being controlling, yet he is being completely manipulated by this child. I think she'd love to control me too, but I'm not her territory. What a complete mess. I"m an adult, and have been dragged into this joke of a divorce with a joke of a reason. I wish this was a divorce like other divorces, based on differences instead of teenage infatuation. Makes me want to go take a shower....


She's isolating him.

She will be abusing him emotionally.

"Keeping the piece" is what he's currently doing.

That has a limited shelf life.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW - have you dated at all? IT might shock you husband's brain a little in this case.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> BTW - have you dated at all? IT might shock you husband's brain a little in this case.


This is the PERFECT time for it.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Noooooooooooooo! I have absolutely no interest in that. For starters, I have two little ones to take care of (2.5 yr old and 7 months old). That's my priority. I'm enjoying having no libido at the moment due to breast feeding and I'm keeping it that way. I need to lick my wounds first. Plus, men repulse me at the moment... Honestly, I simply can't fathom how my ex could just cheat and stay with her... I mean I don't love him anymore, but I still need to process things, and figure them out so I don't repeat patterns. His carelessness blows my mind. Why would one want to repeat the same mistakes? Getting into a relationship after almost 8 years with somebody else without taking a breather sounds like a recipe for disaster for me. I've had enough disasters for now, thanks.:nono:


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I love focusing on my kids at the moment. That's my joy <3


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

We can send you some buff pictures of us and you can put them on Facebook.

That should do the trick.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Hahahahhaaha! Ta.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Conrad, btw. the isolating him bit. Sad and quite scary. He's not a smart man... he was a kind soul back in the day, but now all I see is future damage that I don't think he'll be able to shake off. He bit off more than he can chew. That's two 'women' he's getting a spanking from now.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Another reason he won't look at you, just drops the kids and runs - he feels guilty as h*ll. Every time he sees you, he is reminded of how far he has fallen as a man, to have abandoned a woman with two small children. He knows he's been horrible to you, and he is ashamed.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You can send her a notarized letter through an atty saying that she does not have permission to post about you on FB or anywhere else, nor does she have your permission to post any photos or information about your children.

If she then does that, obtain copies of it, go to the court, and get a restraining order. She will be served, and once again notified that what she is doing is ONLINE STALKING and IT IS ILLEGAL and IT IS HARASSMENT. If she does it again, she gets arrested for staking and harassment. 

It's a fairly simple process, and no your husband does not have the right to give her permission to post about you or your marriage, and he cannot over-ride your desire to have your children's information kept private, you both must be in agreement to have their photos, names, etc. anywhere in public. 

That means your H cannot post about you or your children either.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

QUOTE=Homemaker_Numero_Uno;971328]You can send her a notarized letter through an atty saying that she does not have permission to post about you on FB or anywhere else, nor does she have your permission to post any photos or information about your children.

If she then does that, obtain copies of it, go to the court, and get a restraining order. She will be served, and once again notified that what she is doing is ONLINE STALKING and IT IS ILLEGAL and IT IS HARASSMENT. If she does it again, she gets arrested for staking and harassment. 

It's a fairly simple process, and no your husband does not have the right to give her permission to post about you or your marriage, and he cannot over-ride your desire to have your children's information kept private, you both must be in agreement to have their photos, names, etc. anywhere in public. 

That means your H cannot post about you or your children either.[/QUOTE]

:smthumbup:


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## daybyday26 (Aug 5, 2012)

Your ex husband sounds worthless. I'm sure karma will catch up with them both soon enough. Just stay strong and do whats best for you and your kids.

I can fully understand not wanting to date I just got out of a 8 year relationship and 3 year marriage and the last thing I'd want is to date your right it does sound like a recipe for disaster.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Little update. Yesterday, I asked my ex about his upcoming tour, as it was meant to be on a friday when he has the kids and I wanted to come up with some care arrangements as I work. He said it was canned. Last year he went on 4 tours, then in Jan he left me. When he did, he said all he wanted to do was to hang out with his kids and play music. Ok... Fast forward 7 months and he sees the kids twice a week, not even taking advantage of the time he has. He can keep them until 6:30 on Fridays, as they are his full days. Instead, he drops them off at 5, because he has rehearsal... he could move it, but he doesn't.
When I text him to help with the kids when they are sick, he never never answers, or answers that he's got something on. So there goes the spending time with kids bit. ( I do continue texting when they are sick, as I am gathering evidence that he is a ****e dad, in case I need it later). 

As for the tour, his new thing is that it's pointless since all it does is give you hits on fb. OOOOkkk, so how do you get exposure then? He used to be so driven, paid the ultimate price to go after his dream since I guess his family held him back. Now he barely gigs, and doesn't even tour. I never though he would give up on music, that's all he is-a muso. It absolutely blows my mind that he gave up wife, kids, house, friends, respect and now his biggest love, music, for this *****! What the hell is he doing? I supported him for nearly 8 years in his dream, and now he just drifts. Lost his focus, lost his mind really. What is it about this broad that got him so loopy? He's just a former ghost of himself. It creeps me out that he believes this girl is the key to his happiness. Impossible. or is it?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honey,

Where is your focus?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Hah, I have my relapses. Usually once a month when I post my updates. I invested almost 8 years into this band. I supported him so he could work full time and focus on his music. After our baby was born I went back to work so he could focus on his music. I sat at the door at gigs, we invested our money into recording, I spent every friday night without him so he could rehearse, I spent countless weekends apart from him so he could gig and later tour. Finally he gave me a bull**** excuse that I didn't understand him as a musician and didn't support him. So he left (he was cheating, but never mind...)It just ****s me to tears that he is now throwing that away for her too.

As for me I'm doing ok. I'm in IC and making progress. I went back to work full time and received a principals award last Friday. I take care of the kids, they are happy and healthy. I hang out with friends. I cook. I clean . I read. I'm getting ahead. I'm not wasting an opportunity to grow. 

It simply blows my mind what insanity is going down with my stbxh. It feels like a bad dream. An investment that failed on every side. How could this have happened...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Because you stretched beyond where you were comfortable in hopes of earning his love.

(That's the short answer)

As you might guess, I've been there too.

And, while we're focusing on his cowardly rump for a bit, you already know the answer to your question.

She doesn't like the attention he gets when he performs.

SO.... he goes beyond where he's comfortable to "make her happy".

Yeah, that's really going to work.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

It's funny it reminds me of my ex. She built a daycare here in my house with a great reputation and lots of contacts in a waiting list of all that. She and her partner moved it to a larger place with the hopes of turning it into a 100 client day care center Someday soon. 

Since her affair, her role in her own daycare has been reduced to that of employee and she doesn't much care. She's got a troll of a boyfriend who -you know how women always want to fix someone- has more character flaws and personal issues then I think even Dr. Phil would want to hear about. He works part time one job minimum wage + disability (?) for apparently being an excon recovering from meth addiction. You want to say he is a bad boy except he is a crybaby, out of shape über loser whose only edge is his quickly receding hairline. Wtf? It would just be funny if my kids weren't in the picture.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

A million dollars says that your husband will try to get you back, after his stupid little affair fizzles out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sometimes people have a dream but then reach a point at which they have hit the wall beyond which they cannot succeed. So they manufacture a crisis that appears to be the cause of the crumbled success.

But instead it was their own inability to accept the success that caused the crisis and the failed success. 

Your husband was not comfortable with the success he achieved so he had to bring down the house of cards you helped him build.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I agree with EleGirl...
He was so focused on the future, that when it arrived, he didn't like it, because he never spent much time in the present...reminds me of the saying 'when is then now?'

Read "The Time Paradox", it will help you understand how the two of you are different. He needs some kind of future to work towards and is uncomfortable living in the present, he hands the present over to women who are comfortable digging in, in the 'now', with hard work and sacrifice, to support his dream. He doesn't know any other way of being...he forgot to plan for what happens when he 'gets there.' Without therapy, he will keep being like that, unfortunately there would always be some woman who is like you or his girlfriend, so changing the immediate situation won't change the plot/storyline.

His story has 'a' supporting actress. Young ones are more likely to buy into a dream, be infatuated with it, be part of the story, that role of the woman behind the success...

You can change your story, to exclude him, to be one of success for yourself and being with someone who is in the present with you that you can enjoy. But this other woman, she's attached to the one he has to offer.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Yes, I agree. I do get red flags right now though. I am concerned that perhaps what is going on could be a symptom rather than a cause... What I mean is that he has so far changed his personality 100% and dropped everything that was once most important to him, including giving a damn about his band. His dad is bi-polar and it's genetic. When he left 7 months ago he was on such a high. He was going to play music and live his dream. Now the dream seems to be dying, and the irony of it does not go unnoticed. It's no longer my concern, I know, but when people start giving up all that mattered to them, that's a very scary, alarming sign. I just don't want him to be left with nothing when all is said and done. As much as I hate his guts right about now, I don't want him to do anything stupid when he is left with nothing later down the line. My kids need a dad. A living, breathing one. I might be alarmist right now, I realise, but this has put me in for a spin. While I am more resolved than ever to do something with my life, he is just drifting into oblivion. It's so hard to watch.
I feel like this is a bad, bad dream and all I want to do is snap out of it. I never thought my life and love would play out like this. I believe in sacrifice and compromise in love, but now I am left reeling. His family has the balls to blame me too, because I always say what I mean, and they are very English and reserved. I was never good enough for them. BUt an 18 year old is. This whole situation is f*ucked....


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honeystly,

I see what you are saying.

Yet, it's more than likely he realizes how unstable their relationship is and doesn't want to do anything to upset her.

Also... he's really put himself under the microscope by behaving in this fashion. Throwing away his wife and kids for an 18 y/o piece of tail is insane. Especially when he finds out what's between that 18 y/o's ears.

Nobody WANTS to look insane. So, he's playing defense right now - out of pride.


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## 2much2soon (Jul 26, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Yes, I agree. I do get red flags right now though. I am concerned that perhaps what is going on could be a symptom rather than a cause... What I mean is that he has so far changed his personality 100% and dropped everything that was once most important to him, including giving a damn about his band. His dad is bi-polar and it's genetic. When he left 7 months ago he was on such a high. He was going to play music and live his dream. Now the dream seems to be dying, and the irony of it does not go unnoticed. It's no longer my concern, I know, but when people start giving up all that mattered to them, that's a very scary, alarming sign. I just don't want him to be left with nothing when all is said and done. As much as I hate his guts right about now, I don't want him to do anything stupid when he is left with nothing later down the line. My kids need a dad. A living, breathing one. I might be alarmist right now, I realise, but this has put me in for a spin. While I am more resolved than ever to do something with my life, he is just drifting into oblivion. It's so hard to watch.
> I feel like this is a bad, bad dream and all I want to do is snap out of it. I never thought my life and love would play out like this. I believe in sacrifice and compromise in love, but now I am left reeling. His family has the balls to blame me too, because I always say what I mean, and they are very English and reserved. I was never good enough for them. BUt an 18 year old is. This whole situation is f*ucked....


I understand. I want my kids to have a living breathing dad as well. Our stbx sound very similiar. A different world, different person. That fantasy has a end of it's own. Don't dwell on it. Just be happy you got a stable place for you and your children. You were always the prize, not him. Let his family deal with what is to come of him and his teen-mistress.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

So my kids both had gastro yesterday, vomiting in turns. I asked him to help via text. No answer. Nice.
Guess all of our speculations about how not happy they are are just that. God those two suck.:banghead:


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Hey Honeystly,

I just read through this thread. Goodness gracious! Wow. It is true, I think, that that 18 year old tart will not be in his life for long.

Those two do suck. 

I am so sorry that your little babies are sick.  ...and that your poopy-ex will not step up and help out.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

jpr, yeah... I was just getting myself worked up. But hey, what the hell was I thinking asking him for help. This is the person who left me with a newborn and a toddler after all, to go f*ck a 17 year old at the time. Now I just have to calm the hell down as he is picking the kids up tomorrow morning (it's midnight here-can't sleep), so I don't tell him off to the effect 'you should die'..... eh


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Hey Honestly, I saw an episode of Cheaters that reminded me of your stbxh. The AP cheated on him and blamed it on his change from the confident and mature bf to an angry and depressed man who was still in love with his ex wife. It was funny to see Karma in action.


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## 2much2soon (Jul 26, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> Hey Honestly, I saw an episode of Cheaters that reminded me of your stbxh. The AP cheated on him and blamed it on his change from the confident and mature bf to an angry and depressed man who was still in love with his ex wife. It was funny to see Karma in action.



Like this.


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## 2much2soon (Jul 26, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> A million dollars says that your husband will try to get you back, after his stupid little affair fizzles out.



:iagree:


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

:ezpi_wink1:Hah, Nsweet, I don't know about that, but one can hope
Ps. I don't think he'll want me back, I'm not exactly sweet to him, plus I'm about to chop off my hair like a boy... He loves my long hair. I'm moving on.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Why do they have to rub their new relationship in your face?...


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

When he picks the kids up, maybe they'll puke all over his car.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honeystly said:


> Why do they have to rub their new relationship in your face?...


Because they're trying to prove something to themselves.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> o here's my update. It's been seven months since my husband left me for an 18 year old ex student of his... I feel like I finally turned a corner, although I still feel down a LOT. While I am dealing with the fact that this is my life now, I cannot reconcile myself with the fact that he brings her around my kids. For those who remember, the first time I caught him, I slapped him. I'm not proud of it, but my kids are 2 and a half, and 7 months old. We are not able to divorce until Jan, as the law requires us to be separated for a year. It absolutely kills me that he wouldn't even give the kids a grace period to get used to the new reality
> 
> I mean, ****, they are still building their primary relationships with us! There's the rub I think. He wants the kids to probably always remember her, and feel like she's their mother. That seriously, ****s me to tears. THis interloper's deodorant makes me gag... when I smell it on my babies. It makes me want to cry and I just lose my will to live, every time he has them. He has them once a week, once! They don't even get 'dad time' alone with him then. It's just all so sad.
> 
> ...


I'd pay someone to beat the **** out of her


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Forget all of that Honestly! There's a lot more going on here than you'd expect. Allow me to explain what could be running through their minds...

If she's anything like I suspect, like the average 18yo, then she hasn't had a whole lot of experience with relationships except for a few short lived and lust filled flings, maybe a longer relationship or two that only survived in the fog of being teenagers with less responsibility. So she expects this man to stay with her forever and and will fight any opposition that tells her otherwise.... like her parents, his job, you, her friends, etc. Despite all the obvious red flags they have these extreme delusional defensive measures that allow them to ignore any rational or logical advice. I'm sorry cheaters but your chances are looking slim to none.

I'm also sure little miss sunshine believes she knows everything about life at her ripe old age of.... not old enough to drink yet. Honestly I've yet to meet an 18 yo that didn't act like she freakin knew everything about everything, and wasn't awkwardly bambi-ish in bed. Not to mention the young girls are heavily into the Disney fantasy where they are the helpless princess and their man is prince charming, and god help anyone who tells them otherwise. Trust me Honestly, she's going to drive him bat sh!t crazy with her jealousy driving other women away (because who can trust a cheater), and her leaning on him to support her.... if they even make it through college. When their differences arise and he isn't as perfect as he once was she's going to try to forcefully change him and take control until he about snaps and loses his image. Then it's just a few WTF moments before he goes "what was I thinking" and then it's "b!tch gotta go".


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Weekends are though, you know? It's when the void is most apparent for me. I hope you guys are right, because if I have to deal with this arrogant child my whole life.... I don't know.
So I did something stupid, and I know I'm going to get 2x4, especially by Jellybeans. My friend was over so I checked his band profile on FB. I know. I know. How completely stupid. I wanted to see what his band was up to, as I have supported it for nearly 8 years. There was no band update, but he did put a personal update, something to the effect of 'I just got kissed on the bus and it made me think of this song' . Then he attached a link by the REPLACEMENTS (how appropriate), called kiss me on the bus. 
That hurt so much. I know it was stupid to check... I slipped. Don't yell at me. I regret it, obviously. It was so humiliating. All of our friends and family see these things. We still have to be married for the next 5 months before legally being able to divorce. So, yeah, it was horrible. I just don't understand why he has to write **** like that on a public forum. Isn't what he's doing bad enough? He just wants to shout his joy from the rooftops, while I grieve. I'm getting better, I'm working hard, I'm reflecting. Him? Done, over it. He doesn't even give me the courtesy of being adult about this. 
I just had his babies for christ's sake! But I suppose he has to reassure her. So it's not just her. Her updates jab at me, his updates praise her. Never mind the wife, the kids.
I saw a 4 week old baby on friday (my collegue brought him in). I got so sad. I thought how much the family was rejoicing at the new miracle of life, then I thought how when my little girl was that age, her dad turned his back and left. It's so f*cked up. I will never forgive him for that. It was so difficult and terrifying to be by myself with 2 little ones and no job at the time. It makes me so angry.

Now the joke continues. I guess he's been in his new 'relationship' for about a year now. He's comfortable with making it public and sharing his new love and happiness. At what cost? I want to be over this so much, but I'm just so hurt and humiliated. No matter if I read these crazy updates, the fact is they are there for the whole world to see. They feel the need to punish me and share their joy. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I gave him all of me, I loved him. It's like for the past 8 years I was in a relationship with myself. It's a crazy feeling. I am doubting my senses and sanity here. Did I dream this? WTF? Why, why, why?

Sorry for the rant. It's the weekend, kids still sleeping. My mind is having a whirl....


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Take it easy Honestly, there's a more rational explanation that what you think. Facebook, it's a joke. There are more people lying about their crazy adventures than actually having them. And I know for a fact people use their relationship for mere bragging rights to rub in other people's faces. He doesn't know for certain you've been spying so it wasn't about you! He's seeking to get validation from his friends list, maybe hoping other girls will show interest. But FB kills relationships faster than anything I can think of. If you spend all day knowing what your partner does and who they're talking to then what will you have to talk about later on, and who can you trust both being cheaters?

I was just as guilty as you for following my ex wife's fb, dating profile, and youtube account. I was crushed when she announced to the world she had a new man whom she loved more than anyone else, but then I thought about that for a minute. I didn't see any of her old friends talking to her like they did when they thought she was the victim of an abusive husband. She lost friends and family because she ignored them to be with her man and couldn't be trusted being a cheater. Sure they had the whole second honeymoon after divorce, but it looks like that whole ordeal is over after just three months outside of the "steal me from my spouse" affair game.

Relax home slice, at the rate their going given their ages, the level of college between them, their religious values, and the whole "I have to see her when I pick up my kids".... I doubt they will even make it a year after divorce. The best advice I'd give you and their parents if you can reach them is to just stop fighting their relationship and let them ruin it on their own. She's always going to be jealous of you but he won't want a kid from her for a good while. He will always be jealous of the swarming young attractive guys at college that can get closer to her than he can. What do you wanna bet she cheats on him with a hot 20-something within the next year and blames it on him being there to smother to death or take her dancing when she demands?

In the meantime what are you doing for yourself? Honey, if you find the time to workout and the self discipline to carefully watch what you eat.... It wont matter if you're a single mom divorcee with two kids, those men will come flying to you like you're a cartoon pie with magic steam fingers beckoning them.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honey,

Have you read Anthony DeMello's "Awareness"?





Honeystly said:


> Weekends are though, you know? It's when the void is most apparent for me. I hope you guys are right, because if I have to deal with this arrogant child my whole life.... I don't know.
> So I did something stupid, and I know I'm going to get 2x4, especially by Jellybeans. My friend was over so I checked his band profile on FB. I know. I know. How completely stupid. I wanted to see what his band was up to, as I have supported it for nearly 8 years. There was no band update, but he did put a personal update, something to the effect of 'I just got kissed on the bus and it made me think of this song' . Then he attached a link by the REPLACEMENTS (how appropriate), called kiss me on the bus.
> That hurt so much. I know it was stupid to check... I slipped. Don't yell at me. I regret it, obviously. It was so humiliating. All of our friends and family see these things. We still have to be married for the next 5 months before legally being able to divorce. So, yeah, it was horrible. I just don't understand why he has to write **** like that on a public forum. Isn't what he's doing bad enough? He just wants to shout his joy from the rooftops, while I grieve. I'm getting better, I'm working hard, I'm reflecting. Him? Done, over it. He doesn't even give me the courtesy of being adult about this.
> I just had his babies for christ's sake! But I suppose he has to reassure her. So it's not just her. Her updates jab at me, his updates praise her. Never mind the wife, the kids.
> ...


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Update,
My life continues to be a freak show. Crazy stalker posow now officially joined my stbxh's band. WTF??? I supported that ****ing band for 8 years.... He used to have his rehearsals every friday night and it was his time, he called it his 'job'. So now she's even there. Yoko.:wtf: She was right on her twitter crap before he left me.. she wrote back then that they will be inseparable-they are. I swear if they get famous and she becomes wealthy I will flip out. At least she can make sure no other minor stalkers follow him to gigs like she used to, and he won't cheat on her like he did to me.
I also hear she finally started college with a psychology major (I have a psych degree besides my teaching degree). This sucks. Talk about replacing somebody. And please crew, don't stick it to me for knowing this stuff. If I could not think about this, I would. Seeing my IC next week (the soonest I can). I'm doing my best, so please don't get pissed at me. I'm just so repulsed. She keeps hanging around my kids. Taking a child psych. class now, I suppose to train to be a kid expert. I just want her to go away! She's now friends with all our mutual friends I'm no longer pals with. I'm sick to my stomach. ****ing interloper.

I would like to wake up from this nightmare.
On a funny side note when I turned 30 the Dept of heath and aging in OZ sent me this 'you're getting old and here's your health benefit update' letter. STBXH laughed back then (I'm 2 years older). His 'you're an old fart' letter came in today. Welcome to the club. It will be 12 (!) years before she gets hers.

Any words of encouragement will be welcome right about now. Sorry to sound pathetic. Bleh


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Because they're trying to prove something to themselves.


:iagree:

I posted in your other thread in CWI but this is another good point....


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Have you read Anthony DeMello's "Awareness"?




Honeystly said:


> Update,
> My life continues to be a freak show. Crazy stalker posow now officially joined my stbxh's band. WTF??? I supported that ****ing band for 8 years.... He used to have his rehearsals every friday night and it was his time, he called it his 'job'. So now she's even there. Yoko.:wtf: She was right on her twitter crap before he left me.. she wrote back then that they will be inseparable-they are. I swear if they get famous and she becomes wealthy I will flip out. At least she can make sure no other minor stalkers follow him to gigs like she used to, and he won't cheat on her like he did to me.
> I also hear she finally started college with a psychology major (I have a psych degree besides my teaching degree). This sucks. Talk about replacing somebody. And please crew, don't stick it to me for knowing this stuff. If I could not think about this, I would. Seeing my IC next week (the soonest I can). I'm doing my best, so please don't get pissed at me. I'm just so repulsed. She keeps hanging around my kids. Taking a child psych. class now, I suppose to train to be a kid expert. I just want her to go away! She's now friends with all our mutual friends I'm no longer pals with. I'm sick to my stomach. ****ing interloper.
> 
> ...


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Conrad, no. What is it about?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I watched the you tube video though.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Is the book same as the video?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Honeystly said:


> Is the book same as the video?


http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf

It's not that quick of a read.

But, I think it will help you with your current burden.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Thanks Conrad, I'll read it tomorrow as soon as my kiddos go to bed


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