# 1:30 hours away. How long wait for second date?



## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

I met this guy two months ago in his first show (we have friends in common) and he wouldn’t stop looking at me at the show, so I approached him to congratulate him and we exchanged Instagram. We never really talked but after a month I asked if he wanted hang out. He said yes and that I made an impression on him at his show and that he would love to know me better. After that we didn’t talk for 6 days prior the date.

We live 1:30 hours away and I had to go to his city to see my friends, so we hung out this past Friday. I parked at his place, met his roommates and he drove me to dinner. He didn’t want to split the bill (he paid the $100 bucks bill), then after dinner he asked if I wanted to go to his friends birthday party and we went. There was a lot of people and I’m pretty social so I got along with everyone I talked. He initiated the cuddling and hugging at the party, we talked the entire time (no awkward silence), laughed a lot and had way too many things in common. During the date he also kept mentioning things like “you will get to know me better”, “when I get my drum set you can play”, you know? Things that made me think that he’s interested in keeping me around. After the party he took me to his studio and we played music together.
And when I got home he texted me this: “that was a fun night I like talkin to ya, I wanted to kiss you but couldn’t tell if you wanted that lol my bad I’m bad at reading people. Hope your party is fun”

I replied something like “yeah sometimes I’m hard to read but you can kiss me next time” 

I only mentioned “next time” because he wouldn’t stop talking about things we would do in the future during the date. Also worth mentioning that he’s the most gentleman man I’ve ever seen! He was polite, made me feel comfortable. We had an instant connection.

Everything awesome except that he told me that he’s coming to my town on October 26th for a show he’s playing and I should definitely come.
But the thing is… October 26? 😭 it’s in more than a month away. Do you think that he’s interested? It felt like it, but he should want to hang out before then right? :/

And another and important thing… three days after the date I texted him commenting something about Wordle (because he told me at the date that I should text him about Wordle of the Day because we both play) and we had a nice conversation about other things. The issue is…. I feel like if I don’t text him, he never will. I decided not to text again until he does because I feel like if someone is truly interested they will reach out and so far it feels like I’ve been the only one doing it.

what do you all think?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I think it is wise of you not to chase him too hard. See how the second date goes and then you can initiate conversation a few times on the following days to gauge his response. Don’t bother wasting too much time or emotional investment if he isn’t much on communication. Put value in those that value you.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Agree with Mr Married... The guy might be right for you but don't get too excited too fast. From your description, he and you are in different places right now. Have the second date, see how it goes. But be prepared to cut him lose if he doesn't meet your desire half way.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Agree with Mr Married... The guy might be right for you but don't get too excited too fast. From your description, he and you are in different places right now. Have the second date, see how it goes. But be prepared to cut him lose if he doesn't meet your desire half way.


Thank you! I agree! Why do you think he kept talking about us doing things in the future though? And took me to meet his friends?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Danielle01 said:


> Thank you! I agree! Why do you think he kept talking about us doing things in the future though?


I would advise being cautious when a guy does that too early. It could be a bad sign.

I’m not trying to squash your excitement, guys are just basically idiots who run their mouth too much sometimes. (source: I’m a guy). It could be totally innocent behavior from a young guy.

It could just be his “in the moment” persona.

Read up on “Future Faking”.








Dating a Narcissist? Here's the Early Warning Sign You Need to Know About


Future faking is a dating strategy that narcissists use to manipulate people. Find out more about future faking here.




www.health.com


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Yeah pump the brakes a little and let him contact you. If a guy is really interested. he will pursue you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You’ve made it clear to him that you’re interested. If you don’t want to have to pursue every time then let him put some effort in.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

There’s a small chance I’m old fashioned but the man is supposed to come after the woman.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

Honestly I like how people get what I mean in this group. All my friends keep telling me that he’s interested and that I’m overthinking, but honestly I don’t feel like I am.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I find I get what I want by not playing games.

So if you want to text him text. If you feel like it’s his turn then don’t. If you are texting and want to see him sooner than later just say do.

I’m always amazed at people so worried about what someone else thinks the ‘rules’ are.

Here’s the thing not every guy is the same. Some are jerk wads looking to get laid and will text/ ask every girl they run into just trying to up the odds of getting laid. Some are very confident and will pursue you. Others are not as confident and need some encouragement.

So match your style to what suits you.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I would advise being cautious when a guy does that too early. It could be a bad sign.
> 
> I’m not trying to squash your excitement, guys are just basically idiots who run their mouth too much sometimes. (source: I’m a guy). It could be totally innocent behavior from a young guy.
> 
> ...


Totally agree. He is also an entertainer I assume. This means he is like 99% or so a narcissitic type of person.
And you did mention , you're very social and you got along with everyone... why is that important to get along with everyone???? 
This is not a question to be answered. It is just an indicator, that you are a bit narcissitic yourself and therefore voulnerable to fall for natcissists.... 

What I learned is, if a man doesn't approach you or does nothing to get to know you after you did, he'll also want put any effort in your relationship. 
He just proves your not worth it to him. He is busy with something more important in his life and on his mind (his career, friends, his mum...) and he isn't mature enough for a proper relationship. And immaturaty correlates with narcissism...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Danielle01 said:


> I met this guy two months ago in his first show (we have friends in common) and he wouldn’t stop looking at me at the show, so I approached him to congratulate him and we exchanged Instagram. We never really talked but after a month I asked if he wanted hang out. He said yes and that I made an impression on him at his show and that he would love to know me better. After that we didn’t talk for 6 days prior the date.
> 
> We live 1:30 hours away and I had to go to his city to see my friends, so we hung out this past Friday. I parked at his place, met his roommates and he drove me to dinner. He didn’t want to split the bill (he paid the $100 bucks bill), then after dinner he asked if I wanted to go to his friends birthday party and we went. There was a lot of people and I’m pretty social so I got along with everyone I talked. He initiated the cuddling and hugging at the party, we talked the entire time (no awkward silence), laughed a lot and had way too many things in common. During the date he also kept mentioning things like “you will get to know me better”, “when I get my drum set you can play”, you know? Things that made me think that he’s interested in keeping me around. After the party he took me to his studio and we played music together.
> And when I got home he texted me this: “that was a fun night I like talkin to ya, I wanted to kiss you but couldn’t tell if you wanted that lol my bad I’m bad at reading people. Hope your party is fun”
> ...


I think it's best you back off the texting. I think he is interested in you but he may have other interests as well. If he's playing in public he's getting a lot of social exposure. He may be busy between now and then. I think it's a good idea to back off the texting for one reason so you don't seem desperate but for an even better reason which is to see what he will do. That's how you find out what his habits are. Maybe he's not an especially big texter or something. 

You'll soon find out. My guess is even if he neglects to text you he probably will still be glad to see you.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Danielle01 said:


> Thank you! I agree! Why do you think he kept talking about us doing things in the future though? And took me to meet his friends?


Once upon a time in college, I dated briefly a woman who was an accomplished classical musician majoring in music. Her life was her music and she had little time for men. I was one of the first boys her age she had dated. She was use to being taken out by men 15 to 20 years older than me. I think she just wanted to see what men her own age did on dates so she could relate to her girl friends on campus.

The point of the story is that we had a couple dates and stopped dating. Then out of the blue, I got a letter from her inviting me to attend a recital she was staring in at the campus auditorium. I went, because of the invitation. She had no idea who I was, she just wanted to fill the hall.

The guy is focused on his music. You obviously spoke his language, the two of you played some music together. You were "comfortable." Yes, he would like you to fill the place he is playing as that will help advance his career. Right now he doesn't really emotionally care about being close to you or anyone. You are not going to be able to change things or his priorities.

Good luck.

P.S. ....about 30 years later I was being honored at a University lunch along with many others for my service to the University. After graduating from that university school of music she went to the Juilliard School of Music and for several years played professionally across the country, she came back to the University and became their department of music chairman. The lunch was arranged by tables, she was siting at the Music Dept. table as their chairperson, I was at one of the Engineering Dept. tables. 

After the ceremony, I walked over to her, offered my hand and greeted her name and said hello. I had a name tag, so I didn't feel I needed to introduce myself. She looked surprised, but her body language showed me that she recognizing my being there mean I had either been a donor to a department or of some service to the university, she as the Music Department head, really didn't want to offend a possible source of money. I told her she looked well and I wished her the best. She asked where I knew her from. I told her that a long time ago when she had been a freshman at the university, we had briefly dated. She had a surprised look on her face and still had no Idea who I was. Which was fine by me as I had a lovely wife and two wonderful sons. Music was still all she seemed to live for.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

elliblue said:


> Totally agree. He is also an entertainer I assume. This means he is like 99% or so a narcissitic type of person.
> And you did mention , you're very social and you got along with everyone... why is that important to get along with everyone????
> This is not a question to be answered. It is just an indicator, that you are a bit narcissitic yourself and therefore voulnerable to fall for natcissists....
> 
> ...


Your comment is kind of nonsense. I only mentioned that I got along with people so you know that I had a good time with his friends and nothing bad happened at the party. How’s that a bit narcissistic? Also, he’s just starting. He only played one show for his friends, it was something small. He’s someone who really enjoys doing music and wants to share, that’s all.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think it's best you back off the texting. I think he is interested in you but he may have other interests as well. If he's playing in public he's getting a lot of social exposure. He may be busy between now and then. I think it's a good idea to back off the texting for one reason so you don't seem desperate but for an even better reason which is to see what he will do. That's how you find out what his habits are. Maybe he's not an especially big texter or something.
> 
> You'll soon find out. My guess is even if he neglects to text you he probably will still be glad to see you.


I agree. He isn’t playing around though. That show was small and this one he’ll play in my town will be the second one and also for friends and friends of friends. So he’s not that busy with shows.

i agree though that I need to backoff. I’m also trying to figure if he’s just not that good at texting because he’s was so attentive, initiated most of things, didn’t let me pay for anything, introduced me to his friends and roommates, was respectful and sent a sweet text after the date. That’s a huge contrast to how I feel like he’s acting now. But at the same time, I might had not given him space yet to initiate conversations? I fell in my guts that he won’t text or maybe it’s just my anxious attachment telling me this.

one thing worth mentioning though is that we met on Friday, and on Saturday I was going to have a party with my friends. He asked about the party a few times and it felt like he wanted to be invited. I kinda feel like he was a bit disappointed that i didn’t invite him. Later on i realized that I forgot to mention that it was a girls night out kind of party.

He also kept mentioning for me to stop by his job on Saturday to play music together (he works in a music store). I never told him I’d stop by and I didn’t.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Danielle01 said:


> I agree. He isn’t playing around though. That show was small and this one he’ll play in my town will be the second one and also for friends and friends of friends. So he’s not that busy with shows.
> 
> i agree though that I need to backoff. I’m also trying to figure if he’s just not that good at texting because he’s was so attentive, initiated most of things, didn’t let me pay for anything, introduced me to his friends and roommates, was respectful and sent a sweet text after the date. That’s a huge contrast to how I feel like he’s acting now. But at the same time, I might had not given him space yet to initiate conversations? I fell in my guts that he won’t text or maybe it’s just my anxious attachment telling me this.
> 
> ...


Reading this, it's possible he’s thinking the same thing that you are.
“_I tried to connect and spend more time with her but she kind of brushed me off. Is she really into me? I should give her space._”

Ha. Well the way forward is the same. Baby steps.

Best of luck to you @Danielle01


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Him showing you off to his friends on a first date is kinda odd. I wonder if he’s gay and trying to stay in the closet? Look up “Being a beard”.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Danielle01 said:



what do you all think?

Click to expand...

*Honestly, you share many interests but you live an hour and a half away.

That makes you 'GU' - Geographically Unacceptable.

He's not putting a lot of energy into pursuing you seriously probably because you live too far away. You had to reach out to him first, you had to come to _his_ town in order for you two to even get together, and it's been *you* doing most of the contact and making all the effort. 

He never makes an effort to come to *your* town just to see you, does he? But he'll tell you to "stop by" where HE works to 'play music.' The only time you've seen him is when YOU have made the effort to go to where he lives. Hell, it was the least he could have done when he bought you dinner on your date since you traveled that far to see him, so don't be too impressed that he paid for dinner. If I had to travel for an hour and a half to meet some guy and then he _also_ expected me to split the dinner bill on TOP of that, that would have been the end of it right then and there. And honestly, introducing you to his friends at a party after you left the restaurant is hardly the same as if he took you to meet his parents - it was a perfect type of place to hang out after dinner and to be social and have fun - and the drinks were free. If you're attractive, they like taking you around their friends because it makes them look good and being with others is a great buffer zone, to be honest. But if you look like Frankenstein's bride, they won't bring you out in the sunlight and embarrass themselves, so it's not that big a deal that he took you to a friend's party. It's pretty simple but it honestly doesn't mean much at all.

People say things in the heat of the moment and that's why he was talking about 'future' things with you. The reality is that if *you *continue to be the one to make all the effort and do all the traveling to his town or YOU go to where he works, he'd probably love to do everything he talked about doing. But if you leave it up to HIM to be the one to _think_ it, _plan_ it, _come to you_ and make it happen, then you have a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus.

I agree with the others, stop contacting him and being the *only *one to make things happen. But don't be surprised when he eventually disappears.

I'm just being realistic.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

elliblue said:


> _*Totally agree. He is also an entertainer I assume. This means he is like 99% or so a narcissitic type of person.
> And you did mention , you're very social and you got along with everyone... why is that important to get along with everyone????
> This is not a question to be answered. It is just an indicator, that you are a bit narcissitic yourself and therefore voulnerable to fall for natcissists....
> 
> ...


Oh great, yet *another* internet keyboard 'medical professional' who diagnoses complete strangers as "Narcissists." Gosh, I haven't seen THAT done 7,965,432 times on the internet over the last few years. It seems to be everyone's favorite go-to whenever someone isn't behaving in the way someone else wants them to.

It is SO damned overdone anymore. Get some new material, internet "doctors." You've all overplayed this one far too much.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Agree with others, here. He's not making much of an effort, and something tells me (just a vibe I'm getting) that you're not the only one he ''sees.'' Let him pursue you. If he doesn't, that's your answer.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Honestly, you share many interests but you live an hour and a half away.
> 
> That makes you 'GU' - Geographically Unacceptable.
> 
> ...


I totally agree! But it’s worth mentioning that I asked to see him about 15 days ago because _I was already coming to his town for my friend’s party_. Honestly I’d never drive that far just for a first date. This past Friday was the date. On Monday I sent the “Wordle” text, and today is Wednesday. So maybe it’s too early to say that he isn’t coming here to see me?
He did mention when we were saying goodbye that he was going to let me know soon when he was in my town because he will come here before the show. Because we live kinda of far away then maybe the best option is to try to see each other when we have business in each other’s towns at least in the beginning? He just moved out of my town also and is still dealing with moving stuff. So idk. But I still think that my gut feeling is right idk


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

Yeah tbh I think it isn’t productive trying to guess what he is thinking and I’ll just go ahead and keep living my life and if he reaches out then great, if not… oh well ✌
thank you all for your input and getting what I mean. My friends were all telling me I was overthinking and that he was so into me.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

When we first started dating my wife and I lived over 500 miles apart. She lived near my parents but that was still 50 miles away. I was visiting my parents for Thanksgiving and we had 3 dates in 6 days. I made the 500 mile drive to go see her several times a month. The point being I was into her and I put in a lot of effort to see her. That was nearly 12 years ago and we are going strong.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

elliblue said:


> Totally agree. He is also an entertainer I assume. This means he is like 99% or so a narcissitic type of person.
> And you did mention , you're very social and you got along with everyone... why is that important to get along with everyone????
> This is not a question to be answered. It is just an indicator, that you are a bit narcissitic yourself and therefore voulnerable to fall for natcissists....
> 
> ...


It’s already been said but this post is absolute nonsense. There are many phrases that get overused and narcissist is one of them. We are all ego driven, that doesn’t mean we all meet the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. While we are at it let’s stop misusing the word gaslighting as well.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Danielle01 said:


> I agree. He isn’t playing around though. That show was small and this one he’ll play in my town will be the second one and also for friends and friends of friends. So he’s not that busy with shows.
> 
> i agree though that I need to backoff. I’m also trying to figure if he’s just not that good at texting because he’s was so attentive, initiated most of things, didn’t let me pay for anything, introduced me to his friends and roommates, was respectful and sent a sweet text after the date. That’s a huge contrast to how I feel like he’s acting now. But at the same time, I might had not given him space yet to initiate conversations? I fell in my guts that he won’t text or maybe it’s just my anxious attachment telling me this.
> 
> ...


Listen, one thing you mentioned is that he wanted to kiss you, but didn't. 

There ARE guys that get shy. Especially younger-- when I was in my 20s I was pretty terrible at pursuing even someone I really liked. 

It won't hurt you to text and tell him your thoughts. He may be more into you than you think, or maybe you are just one of multiple girls he is in contact with and sometimes dating. But he didn't even try to get sexual enough to kiss you so I am not sold that he is just trying to get laid. 

I think you just know too little about what he thinks about you. It could go either way at this point.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

Well he just text me asking if I’m a phone call kind of person. I texted him that I like it better than texting. Then he asked if he can call me tonight and that he’s glad we are on the same page (about phone calls). Well it might be a good thing, but idk 🤷‍♀️


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Danielle01 said:


> Well he just text me asking if I’m a phone call kind of person. I texted him that I like it better than texting. Then he asked if he can call me tonight and that he’s glad we are on the same page (about phone calls). Well it might be a good thing, but idk 🤷‍♀️


Well sounds like he likes you. He reached out and intends to call.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It’s definitely an improvement so go with it.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Danielle01 said:


> Well he just text me asking if I’m a phone call kind of person. I texted him that I like it better than texting. Then he asked if he can call me tonight and that he’s glad we are on the same page (about phone calls). Well it might be a good thing, but idk 🤷‍♀️


Have you spoken on the phone yet? Hopefully you are getting some clarity around where you stand with each other.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

uwe.blab said:


> Have you spoken on the phone yet? Hopefully you are getting some clarity around where you stand with each other.


Yeah he never called. I’ll take it as disinterest and move on.

You know what I don’t get? I’ve been single for 3 years now after a long relationship (6 years). I honestly get interested usually in one or two guys a year. There are a bunch of them that ask me out but I’m just not interested in them so I say no. Since the break up I dated one for three months (in 2020) and I really like him but he was still in love with his ex, so we broke up. In 2021 dated a guy for three months also who was still in love with his ex, so we broke up again. Luckily this time I didn’t like this one that much so it didn’t hurt too much. Then I decided to be single and work on myself and I did that for 9 months until I was finally ready to date again and that’s when I met this new guy. He’s the man of my dreams. Seriously we have so much in common, we have the same vibe. I can’t stress enough how awesome he was during the date and I really didn’t see that coming. I honestly had no idea that he was going to stop talking to me. I know you might say “oh maybe you did something odd during the date” but I swear that nothing odd happened. We were in sinc!

I am sad not because of him specifically, but because every time I try I fail. I just want to have a special person because I’m lonely but seems like life doesn’t want to bring me that. I don’t know what’s wrong and what to fix. I’m so tired and so hurt.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Danielle01 said:


> Yeah he never called. I’ll take it as disinterest and move on.
> 
> You know what I don’t get? I’ve been single for 3 years now after a long relationship (6 years). I honestly get interested usually in one or two guys a year. There are a bunch of them that ask me out but I’m just not interested in them so I say no. Since the break up I dated one for three months (in 2020) and I really like him but he was still in love with his ex, so we broke up. In 2021 dated a guy for three months also who was still in love with his ex, so we broke up again. Luckily this time I didn’t like this one that much so it didn’t hurt too much. Then I decided to be single and work on myself and I did that for 9 months until I was finally ready to date again and that’s when I met this new guy. He’s the man of my dreams. Seriously we have so much in common, we have the same vibe. I can’t stress enough how awesome he was during the date and I really didn’t see that coming. I honestly had no idea that he was going to stop talking to me. I know you might say “oh maybe you did something odd during the date” but I swear that nothing odd happened. We were in sinc!
> 
> I am sad not because of him specifically, but because every time I try I fail. I just want to have a special person because I’m lonely but seems like life doesn’t want to bring me that. I don’t know what’s wrong and what to fix. I’m so tired and so hurt.


Yeah hopefully you can move on emotionally from the kind of attachment that formed. If he hints about calling you and doesnt follow through, I could see a lot of disappointment in the future. Honestly, if he reaches out now....that might not be the best thing because he may not be as invested as you are. Sounds like he likes you but not totally concerned with your feelings.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

uwe.blab said:


> Yeah hopefully you can move on emotionally from the kind of attachment that formed. If he hints about calling you and doesnt follow through, I could see a lot of disappointment in the future. Honestly, if he reaches out now....that might not be the best thing because he may not be as invested as you are. Sounds like he likes you but not totally concerned with your feelings.


Yeah I’m trying to mentally check out of this. After so long being lonely having a date like this really gave me hope. But I’ll try to forget and pretend that this never happened, we never bonded, we don’t even know each other. I already deleted the texts so I won’t keep reading it. But every time things like this happen I believe less and less that I will find someone special one day :/


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

Guys should I text him that I had a great time with him and to let me know if he ever wants to hang out again when he’s in my town? Or is it a bad idea?
Is that chasing?

he never really made a first move (except during the date)


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Danielle01 said:


> Yeah tbh I think it isn’t productive trying to guess what he is thinking and I’ll just go ahead and keep living my life and if he reaches out then great, if not… oh well ✌
> thank you all for your input and getting what I mean. My friends were all telling me I was overthinking and that he was so into me.


To answer your most recent question, read the first sentence you wrote above 

Also, I can't help but wonder if there's a generational (cultural) difference occurring between what your friends are telling you and some of what you are receiving here. Some of the nuances that I perceived when reading what you shared may also come down to personality types and styles and who we are drawn to.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, when I was single and dating, it was the more 'assertive' guys (among other characteristics) that piqued my interest. And so I share that to give insight that from my view, if he doesn't really step up and demonstrate his interest towards you then so be it and move on. I'm in the camp of not to 'chase' him, as I know that (again, for me, and may not apply to you) when I was more the 'assertive' one towards a guy and there was shared chemistry, well, that interest from my side then also quickly fizzled by the time he'd caught up. It was unintentional, yet something I noticed about myself. If he was into me, I needed him to be confident enough within himself to show it and if I felt the same way then I'd certainly reciprocate. And, that's how my husband was when we met too (and still is).

Therefore, reading what you shared so far, it does seem that you have perhaps taken more of the lead. Compared to if he had initially contacted you after meeting. If he prefers to speak on the phone then to have initiated calling you from the get-go (and not first checking how you are about phone calls) and figuring out if that's workable between you then. Anyway, it's a few things like that I noticed in your posts that may be good with you, yet likely wouldn't work for me personality-wise. I noticed that you shared more about the party that he took you to rather than the alone time over dinner and/or jamming together at the studio after the party (did sound like quite a long and good date). Granted, I did also think if you were really digging each others company, he would have made effort to keep that going just between the two of you, rather than taking you to the party (although debatable of how one sees that and depending on the occasion and his commitment to being there too). I'd not be holding my breath or reaching out. However, do give room that something genuine may have come up that prevented him from calling as he'd planned. Beyond that, don't fixate on this one. Just do your thing... drumming sounds fun.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You know what …. To hell with my previous advice. Honey if you’re that hot for him just go ahead and text him. What do you have to lose? 

Fuk it …… be the tigress 😈


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> To answer your most recent question, read the first sentence you wrote above
> 
> Also, I can't help but wonder if there's a generational (cultural) difference occurring between what your friends are telling you and some of what you are receiving here. Some of the nuances that I perceived when reading what you shared may also come down to personality types and styles and who we are drawn to.
> 
> ...


Wow that provided me with a lot of food for thought. But just a quick comment, the date was almost 5 hours. And we only stayed at the party for 2ish. I think it was well balanced and we had fun with his friends or not.
But that doesn’t matter really because I think you’re and the others are right. It’s just that the fact that he wasn’t sure if I wanted to be kissed makes me think that maybe he isn’t sure if I’m into him, but it makes no sense since I approached him, I also mentioned a “next date” just like he did, and I texted 3 days after the date. There’s no way he doesn’t know I’m interested. Yesterday he liked my picture on Instagram but that’s it. No real conversation since Monday and it’s already Saturday. I’m feeling better now. Still disappointed because I really liked and vibed with him but I can’t keep being the only one approaching.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Danielle01 said:


> Wow that provided me with a lot of food for thought. But just a quick comment, the date was almost 5 hours. And we only stayed at the party for 2ish. I think it was well balanced and we had fun with his friends or not.
> But that doesn’t matter really because I think you’re and the others are right. It’s just that the fact that he wasn’t sure if I wanted to be kissed makes me think that maybe he isn’t sure if I’m into him, but it makes no sense since I approached him, I also mentioned a “next date” just like he did, and I texted 3 days after the date. There’s no way he doesn’t know I’m interested. Yesterday he liked my picture on Instagram but that’s it. No real conversation since Monday and it’s already Saturday. I’m feeling better now. Still disappointed because I really liked and vibed with him but I can’t keep being the only one approaching.


Glad you are feeling better. Hopefully he will just stay away rather than be the guy who gives mixed signals or tries to keep you around for whatever reason.


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## Tuscany (10 mo ago)

Danielle01 said:


> Honestly I like how people get what I mean in this group. All my friends keep telling me that he’s interested and that I’m overthinking, but honestly I don’t feel like I am.


Well, actually you are. The people here may be right about the guy, but you don't need to be wracking your brain about him. 

You met him at his band's first gig, right? If they are trying to get going, I imagine that all weekends are booked. It makes sense that the next time he'll be able to see you is when he's doing a show near where you live.

My impression is that he's just going with the flow, wherever it takes him.


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## Danielle01 (Aug 30, 2021)

Tuscany said:


> Well, actually you are. The people here may be right about the guy, but you don't need to be wracking your brain about him.
> 
> You met him at his band's first gig, right? If they are trying to get going, I imagine that all weekends are booked. It makes sense that the next time he'll be able to see you is when he's doing a show near where you live.
> 
> My impression is that he's just going with the flow, wherever it takes him.


Yeah so lmao I think a bit of communication goes a long way. I sent him a text saying that I saw his lack of effort as lack of interest and wished him good luck with everything. It was a nice text in a non accusatory way. He replied saying sorry, that he’s a very reserved person (his friend also told me about him being very reserved at the party), and that he’s glad to know what I’m expecting from him and he feels more open now for communication. Then we met again last night, we went to a park to see the city lights from far (quite romantic). Then we talked more about it. He said he isn’t really good at texting much because he doesn’t like to know someone through typed words, and that if I like FaceTiming. He said that since the first date was so great that he assumed I knew he liked me 🤦‍♀️ and I told him that since I was the one that reached out first TWICE, then I assumed he wasn’t interested. He thanked me for giving him another chance 🥹
We finally had our first kiss 🤭 and he’s still mentioning things that makes me think he wants to keep me around and honestly I want to keep him around too. It has been good so far


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Booooooyyaahhhhhh !!!!!!

Congrats 🎈🍾


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

Danielle01 said:


> I met this guy two months ago in his first show (we have friends in common) and he wouldn’t stop looking at me at the show, so I approached him to congratulate him and we exchanged Instagram. We never really talked but after a month I asked if he wanted hang out. He said yes and that I made an impression on him at his show and that he would love to know me better. After that we didn’t talk for 6 days prior the date.
> 
> We live 1:30 hours away and I had to go to his city to see my friends, so we hung out this past Friday. I parked at his place, met his roommates and he drove me to dinner. He didn’t want to split the bill (he paid the $100 bucks bill), then after dinner he asked if I wanted to go to his friends birthday party and we went. There was a lot of people and I’m pretty social so I got along with everyone I talked. He initiated the cuddling and hugging at the party, we talked the entire time (no awkward silence), laughed a lot and had way too many things in common. During the date he also kept mentioning things like “you will get to know me better”, “when I get my drum set you can play”, you know? Things that made me think that he’s interested in keeping me around. After the party he took me to his studio and we played music together.
> And when I got home he texted me this: “that was a fun night I like talkin to ya, I wanted to kiss you but couldn’t tell if you wanted that lol my bad I’m bad at reading people. Hope your party is fun”
> ...




I think that yoy need to slow all the way down. He is a stranger that you saw once, exc


Danielle01 said:


> I met this guy two months ago in his first show (we have friends in common) and he wouldn’t stop looking at me at the show, so I approached him to congratulate him and we exchanged Instagram. We never really talked but after a month I asked if he wanted hang out. He said yes and that I made an impression on him at his show and that he would love to know me better. After that we didn’t talk for 6 days prior the date.
> 
> We live 1:30 hours away and I had to go to his city to see my friends, so we hung out this past Friday. I parked at his place, met his roommates and he drove me to dinner. He didn’t want to split the bill (he paid the $100 bucks bill), then after dinner he asked if I wanted to go to his friends birthday party and we went. There was a lot of people and I’m pretty social so I got along with everyone I talked. He initiated the cuddling and hugging at the party, we talked the entire time (no awkward silence), laughed a lot and had way too many things in common. During the date he also kept mentioning things like “you will get to know me better”, “when I get my drum set you can play”, you know? Things that made me think that he’s interested in keeping me around. After the party he took me to his studio and we played music together.
> And when I got home he texted me this: “that was a fun night I like talkin to ya, I wanted to kiss you but couldn’t tell if you wanted that lol my bad I’m bad at reading people. Hope your party is fun”
> ...




I think that you need to slow all the way down. That "date" was entirely too much. He is a stranger that you met once and exchanged information with. 

The both of you are moving too fast.

You never should have drove to a stranger's place, went into a stranger's place, met a stranger's friends, chauffeured a stranger around, (he never should have been in your car) went to a party full of people that you didn't know including him, let this stranger essentially feel you up and grope you, then you let him lead you to other strange places etc..

You never should have went off with some strange person you just met like that.

You should have met him at the restaurant, had your "date", and said goodbyes afterwards. 

Not follow behind some stranger man.


Were your friend and family aware of your location at all times while out with him? Were your friends and family aware of the basics and appearance of him (location where he resided, car, license plate, picture of him, full name, who he hung out with and considered a friend, telephone, etc...) prior? Now?


You have to be more rational and cautious about your safety.



To answer your question, He doesn't seem to be interested in you for anything long term. 

You're an option to him. He hits you up probably when he's bored or something.


He may not be genuinely single.

Also, he just wants sex. 

He views you as "easy" because you basically trusted this stranger very easily, and basically went galloping off with someone you barely knew. 

Also, he views you as "easy" because you gave some strange man access and permission to touch your body.

The cuddling and whatever else you did or allowed him to do.


He just wants sex, and will drop you soon after he gets it. He'll probably start distancing himself and block you soon after.

Or....


He'll keep using you, because he knows that you would allow him to. He knows how much that you're into him.



Sorry.. but that's where it's headed.


A genuinely interested in you person wouldn't act like this. Wouldn't wait all that time to communicate with you. You would know that person was genuinely interested in you.


You two live not too far away from one another, and he only wants to see you when he comes there on "business"...



He's treating you like an optional groupie. 


You probably aren't the only one.

Sorry


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

Danielle01 said:


> Yeah so lmao I think a bit of communication goes a long way. I sent him a text saying that I saw his lack of effort as lack of interest and wished him good luck with everything. It was a nice text in a non accusatory way. He replied saying sorry, that he’s a very reserved person (his friend also told me about him being very reserved at the party), and that he’s glad to know what I’m expecting from him and he feels more open now for communication. Then we met again last night, we went to a park to see the city lights from far (quite romantic). Then we talked more about it. He said he isn’t really good at texting much because he doesn’t like to know someone through typed words, and that if I like FaceTiming. He said that since the first date was so great that he assumed I knew he liked me 🤦‍♀️ and I told him that since I was the one that reached out first TWICE, then I assumed he wasn’t interested. He thanked me for giving him another chance 🥹
> We finally had our first kiss 🤭 and he’s still mentioning things that makes me think he wants to keep me around and honestly I want to keep him around too. It has been good so far






Red flags.

He doesn't like you. He doesn't even know you.

He isn't reserved. 


He's in a band, he goes to parties, he's very social.

He's very active on social media and his phone.


You two are moving too fast.

These conversations that you two have been having are too much.


Sounds like he's running game and telling you whatever you want to hear.



Slow down with guys.


He's going to hurt you.


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