# I need advice on my "fustrating" situation!



## Raynedrop (Dec 8, 2015)

I have been living together with my now husband for 1 year, legally married for 3. Before we got married he lied about his age. He said he was 27 ( I was 33). When we got legally married (I gave birth to his son that year) I found out his legal age. I'm now 37 and he is only 24! He had fake documentation that made him older (he's in the process of getting his residency as I am a US citizen).
We got separated last year because he just doesn't respect me as a wife, yet he wants me to be a submissive wife. (He's macho on things that are convenient to him). We were separated for 6 months. I had a boyfriend during that time. We got back together as he would beg me every week to go back. When we decided to get back together and he moved all his things back, he told me he had a girl living with him (same age, hometown, etc.) and she may be pregnant. Turns out, she was. She was sending him nude pics of her and texts. I got a gut feeling and started snooping. He would call her 5-7 times a day for 3-4 months everyday. His excuse was that he left her for me and sent her to their hometown pregnant so he felt bad. Of course, I felt worst as he was not considering how bad it looks on him and how I felt about it as to me its cheating and betrayal.

According to him, she does not want nothing to do with him nor money as he was not present at the baby's birth. (He couldn't leave the country as he is illegally here). 
I forgave him for all that. 

Now, several times we have agreed to be "roommates" but of course our sexual desire takes over and we forget. (or pretend). We agreed for him to stay and pay $500 weekly for home expenses etc. (he makes about $900 a week). At times, he only gives me $300 and says that he has to save $$ for his immigration lawyer. Lawyer has not been paid one cent and I have been doing all the paperwork. So, of course I think he may be sending her money as by middle of the week I have to give him money for his 1 pack a day cigarette habit. He denies sending money as supposedly she wants noting to do with him, even though she has posted poems and quotes about him in facebook without giving his name.

He is distant at times (even before the separation) and immature (my fault for believing he was mature since he lied about every aspect of his life!) He blames me for always nagging and not being romantic. Yes, I nag especially when he is disrespecting me by making a mess. If he does not want to help around the house, fine but I'd prefer it for him not to make me work extra by cleaning up after him. I am not social and I am not a smiling happy-go-lucky person. (Self conscious about my teeth). He thinks I'm always in a bad mood and not willing to be happy. Generally, I'm content and I feel I don't have to smile to show him. He already knows this as we talk about it constantly.

I have contemplated divorce several times but I feel like I got to pay the end of my bargain by filing for his US residency as I said I would. Yet, he pushes every button of my rageaholic nature! I even feel better when he is not around the house. Because of my beliefs, I feel I have to be a good wife regardless of how bipolar he is and impatient I am. At times, he is fun and considerate. Other times he "playfully" puts me down. Other times he just gets in his little shell.

With the money that he gives me, my kids and I wont be able to have the current lifestyle that we have. I would have to give up my vehicle. Change my job to the city we currently live in instead of 30 miles away. He says he does not want a divorce as he loves me (I seriously doubt it), and that it is not good for our kid, and he has no place to go. Almost every week, we have an argument over money, his lack of consideration for me and others, and other things that we hate about each other.

If I divorce him while the residency process is ongoing, he will lose any chance to be legal in the US. 

How can I get thru ALL of this? Any tips on how to cope? Should I continue to "pose" as a good wife? Or should I just take the plunge and divorce him and not care about his stability issue even when we have a son together? Any advice would be helpful as I am desperate.


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