# Need help/ advice



## Cthartguy239 (Sep 16, 2015)

Me and my wife have been together for about 7 years married 11/2. We are goin through some tough times. We feel like room mates and she said she doesn't feel The love anymore like we lost it. We have a child that is3 and i own my ow business and she works about 45 hours a week. I say I love you but she doesn't answer back tell I say something. We are going to talk to someone and I want to fix this. My question has anyone else went though this type of situation and it worked out?


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Of course people have been in your situation and of course sometimes it works out and sometimes it don't.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Did she say she feels like you are roommates or is that how you feel?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the MMSLP book linked to below. You can also downlaod it from amazon.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Do you still romance and date your wife?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Cthart this is very common, especially after the birth of a child, your existing not living and i am pretty sure she feels the same way....now what you do here, does matter, and it is essential you get it right but just going to therapy will not do it you both have to engage each other and stay engaged , otherwise it is too easy to slip away from each other.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Yeah you basically described only two relational pieces of info, that you feel like roommates with her, and that she doesn't say "I love you" back when you say it to her. These two things happen to virtually every marriage that faces troubled times. You'll probably have to get a lot more specific to get any more detailed of an answer than what ButtPunch responded with first above. That yes certainly many marriages with those issues have recovered just fine, while many others haven't.


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## Cthartguy239 (Sep 16, 2015)

Sorry it took me so long to respond. A little more info I just opened up a business in March that is very successful for only being in buisness for 6 months and I am 28 and she is 25. She told me she doesn't feel the intimacy anymore and that she wants to fall asleep and wake up and everything be fine. She said divorice is the last resort but if we can't find love then it's going happen. I feel like **** im stressed out and can barely eat. She says when we hold hands she can't feel anything and it hurts coming from someone that your suppose to spend the rest of your life with. Are sex life was awesome till we had a kid and it disapperaed completely. We maybe had sex 5 times this year and she said that she loves me but she wants that passionate love and spark like we use to have.she barely texts me and doesn't even call me after work and goes straight home. Also told me it's not anybody else it's just she can't connect right now emotionally to me. We are going to see someone on Monday and see if we can get this situated. It really hurt me last night when I asked her if she's going to miss me in 2 weeks when she leaves for North Carolina to surprise her best friend for making captain in the army. And she Said uhhhhh I don't know. I've been really messed up lately and have no idea what to do. I make a lot of the money in the home and I met her with a lot of money so I have a prenup that she can't get anything that I came in with. But I don't want a divorce we barley fight and I really do love her. Some days I'm ready to give up and some days I dont ..... I was told all of this on Monday . Thanks for your help I really appreciate it


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

How old is your child?

Has she been checked by a doctor for postpartum depression?

She doesn't want sex with you?

Does she go out with the girls?

What have you done to be 100% sure there is no affair? Phone records, texts, emails? Do you have access to all her passwords?

Is the captain male or female?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

something like this doesn't just come out of nowhere. there are big red flags. better start looking and paying attention.

right now you are in the dark and you can't fix anything if you don't know whats wrong.

smells bad.

check her phone, pc,, etc yesterday!


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## Stang197 (Aug 31, 2015)

After all the stories I have read this sounds like classic cheating behavior.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

A kid who is still young, a new business, a 45 hr week, doesn't leave much time for you guys to really connect. The problem is that many young men like yourself, get the girl, get the house, get the great job and think they are set, now have to work hard to provide and get into that routine but forget that the girl still needs to be loved, told she is beautiful, touched non-sexually, given flowers, etc. I think you have been so wrapped up in doing all the other things you forgot to meet your wife's needs for intimate conversation, care after giving birth, etc. resulting in the disconnect.

You can still save the marriage
Go for MC, spend more time doing things with her, talking to her. It will require work but is possible


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You two can rebuild the connection/passion. It will take some work.

My suggestion is that in addition to the marriage counseling, read the books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". Ask your wife to read them too and you both do the work the books say to do. They will show you how to fix this.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Your marriage is over. But you are young. You can start again. I envy you.


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## Needtodecide (Sep 19, 2015)

See if she will see a mental professional with you... It could be the best money you ever spend. Think hard on how you would explain / ask to do this, if she refuses to see counselor/ marriage therapist, that's a pretty big red flag


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Well, you mentioned a lot of what she is saying and isn't doing, but what are you doing for her? What kind of things have you done to try to restore the spark/intimacy/love? Have you been working too much? 

Also curious about how you said it all changed after the baby. Has she been checked for post-partem depression? Does she work outside of the home as well or is she a stay-at-home mom? If she works, are you both splitting the chores and baby responsibilities pretty equally?

Lastly, I agree with a few others, there could be a few signs of cheating in what you said. I'd definitely check her phone, computer use, e-mail/facebook access, etc. You mentioned she is going out of town soon to visit a friend? I would also look in on that very closely. Is she really going to visit this friend? Have you seen the airfare tickets? Is it a man or woman? I have certainly seen scenarios where spouses develop a very emotional connection with someone online (whom they have known personally or otherwise) who then arrange to go see them in person via trips like what you are describing. Honestly, it's this last scenario that I suspect to be the most likely/concerning.


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