# Porn/Impotence



## Katia1010 (May 16, 2013)

I have been married 35 years and my husband and I continue to work on our relationship. He has been using porn for as long as I can remember, but has since withdrew from it in order to save our marriage. He has impotence issues and has not been able to have intercourse with me for many years so we fulfill our sexual needs in other ways. I enjoy using my mouth on my husband, but at times he still loses his errection. I find that while I am working really hard at pleasuring him the only thing that excites him back into an errection is a pretty woman on the television and once again my self-esteem goes into the toilet. He also wants me to talk dirty to him - which I would love to do, but I feel I cannot compete with the s**t wives he so loved during his internet porn days. Does anybody else have similiar issues? Thanks for listening.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Has he tried ED drugs? Had a checkup?

C
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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I heard the penis once referred to as the male dipstick. Problems with ED are very often early indicators of cardiovascular problems.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

It could be mental, could be physical, could be a little from column A and a little from column B.

On the physical side, there are many factors that could be in play, ranging from cardiovascular issues to diabetes to any number of things. Or, it could be mental conditioning over the years. Or a combination. (Might be a self-perpetuating cycle...a brief physical cause may trigger a self-fulfilling prophecy: he's so concerned that he can't get an erection that he can't get an erection.) Best to check with his doctor to help determine how to proceed.

My own doc once said that he finds a great many of his patients, once prescribed ED meds, find after a short period of use that they no longer need them; their confidence is restored and any mental causes are things of the past.
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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Sounds like he needs to be outside himself while having sex which porn can often lead to. A disconnect with sensual pleasure. Masturbating can also lead to a loss of sensation because of the "death grip" that masturbation provides, that a vagina can't. Has he stopped masturbating?

A great book is "Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex"
Book by Michael Castleman

It might help your H return to sensual sex, rather than rushed "porn sex".


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## Katia1010 (May 16, 2013)

Thank you all for your replies. It seems my husband has always had some kind of problem with ED which I attribute to alcohol and porn use, but he was younger and was able to have intercourse only sometimes losing his erection. Now that he is older, of course, it's gotten worse. He does have viagra tabs (which he cuts in half) and even at times with the viagra, he will lose his erection. I wish he would return to sensual sex, but even when I kiss his body, or at least try to kiss him all over, he says he can't take it and that it tickles too much. He does have medical issues such as high blood pressure and an a-fib (not serious) which he takes medication for. All in all I suppose he functions well in spite of the medications, but I see his errection fall only to rise again with a pretty face. I will definitely get a copy of Michael Castleman's book. Your comments were very much appreciated. Thank you all.


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## Katia1010 (May 16, 2013)

Thank you Woodchuck. I will say that I am not a porn hater. I've often joined my husband watching porn. My problem is that I would like it if my husband would come back to our marriage, even briefly, and enjoy thinking of me during our sex life and keep his erection while doing so. I truly appreciate your comment though and your point is well taken.


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## biola (Dec 28, 2012)

His habitual porn usage over the years has almost robbed you of a fulflling sex-life.I use the word almost because you can still have satisfying sex for the remainder of your life if all avenues are explored! 1)Get him to a doctor that specializes in sexual issues to rule out any physiological and medical causes. 2)See a sex therapist to overule any psychological causes of his weak erection. 3)A little marriage counselling doesn't hurt anybody! I wish you and youir husband many wonderful years of sex!
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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Has your husband had his testosterone levels checked by his doctor? Also, why does he cut the viagra in half? Do not let your self-esteem go into the toilet. It is not you, he has the problem with the erection.
If you asked him, he may tell you the same, that it is not you.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

harrybrown said:


> Has your husband had his testosterone levels checked by his doctor? Also, why does he cut the viagra in half? Do not let your self-esteem go into the toilet. It is not you, he has the problem with the erection.
> If you asked him, he may tell you the same, that it is not you.


Cutting in half may be at doc's suggestion/

Long story short, my insurance won't cover either the 2.5 mg or 5mg "daily dose" Cialis, but will provide 28 (or some similar quantity) as a 3-month supply of the 10 or 20mg "as needed" dosage. Doc wrote the Rx for the 20, but suggested cutting in half to effectively get twice the quantity of the 10 mg, or (problematic due to the shape) quarter it to effectively get the daily dose.
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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Did your husband have ED issues while masturbating to porn? If not, did the ED start after he stopped the porn?

If the answers to those questions are No and Yes, I'd be pretty sure that it's not a physical issue.

From a layman's perspective, I would say that all those years of porn use have caused a toll on his sexual psyche. Particularly since now that porn is so widely available on the internet, the more hardcore stuff is prevalent - and it could possibly take an ever increasing degree of decadency to get him aroused. To the point it can't be matched in the bedroom.

But that's the extent of my backyard diagnosis. If this is true, then I'd like to think that a long enough period without porn or sex would get him back towards normal. If not, I don't know what other options there would be other than sex therapy.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

I still don't get it, do wives/partners actually feel threatened if their hubbies/partners watch porn and gets excited?


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## A.non.y.mouse (Jul 26, 2013)

malmale said:


> I still don't get it, do wives/partners actually feel threatened if their hubbies/partners watch porn and gets excited?


It`s not about her husband being excited by porn, most of us are to some extent. It`s the fact that he relies on the porn during intimate encounters with his wife. How can you not see how that would be hurtful? That would make most women feel as if their husband was turned on porn but not by her. Actually that would make most men feel horrible as well.. what if your wife suddenly went dry and asked you to fire some porn up on that laptop midsex?

My advice is to have your husband lay off the porn. Clearly he has desensitized himself to real life and can no longer fully enjoy sexual encounters. Now this is the part of porn use I don`t understand.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

A.non.y.mouse said:


> It`s not about her husband being excited by porn, most of us are to some extent. It`s the fact that he relies on the porn during intimate encounters with his wife. How can you not see how that would be hurtful? That would make most women feel as if their husband was turned on porn but not by her. Actually that would make most men feel horrible as well.. what if your wife suddenly went dry and asked you to fire some porn up on that laptop midsex?
> 
> My advice is to have your husband lay off the porn. Clearly he has desensitized himself to real life and can no longer fully enjoy sexual encounters. Now this is the part of porn use I don`t understand.


ahhh, I see what u mean, thanks 

again, I want to be a devil's advocate here, 

is it any different if the hubby would fantasize having sex with someone else (ie celebrity or some pretty chicks) *in their mind *and getting turned on in the process before doing it with their spouse

vs 

physically watching porn (perhaps also for new ideas) just to "boost" his libido so that he is in a better mood as assuming the spouse may not be "entertaining" enough for him to be in the mood for sex?


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## ritatud (Aug 2, 2013)

I heard the penis once referred to as the male dipstick.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

malmale said:


> I still don't get it, do wives/partners actually feel threatened if their hubbies/partners watch porn and gets excited?


 No, that was not my issue at all. My issue with porn was that it REPLACED our sex life.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

ladybird said:


> No, that was not my issue at all. My issue with porn was that it REPLACED our sex life.


spice it up a few notch perhaps? 
am a guy, but I personally don't enjoy porn, u know y? coz after awhile, it seems as if there are this 2 energizer bunnies repeating the same motion for the whole 1.5-2 hours...


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

How are you guys emotionally? I know that for me, when we are having problems, even if I'm turned on, I'll go soft easily.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

soulsearch said:


> How are you guys emotionally? I know that for me, when we are having problems, even if I'm turned on, I'll go soft easily.


Totally normal! Even dudes in porn have erection problems. Egads!! They use lots of drugs and take lots of breaks. The beauty of editing


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

malmale said:


> ahhh, I see what u mean, thanks
> 
> again, I want to be a devil's advocate here,
> 
> ...


I would answer this by saying if fantasizing helped on occasion then why not. It has helped me but I NEVER fantasize about a particular person. NEEDING it is another story. If I needed it to feel turned on by my H each and every time then I would deem it a problem and start some self reflecting.

Porn really is a whole other animal because it depends on what is turning her hubby on and why she can't fulfill that role. It sounds like he either has an unreal expectation of his partners body or expectations of how she should be performing in bed. The last thing you need in sex is an evaluation because when compared to porn we likely all fall flat in some way. Sex is about sensual pleasure not a performance.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

FemBot said:


> Totally normal! Even dudes in porn have erection problems. Egads!! They use lots of drugs and take lots of breaks. The beauty of editing


How would you know that?


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