# My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.



## TheUndecidedHusband (Apr 13, 2017)

Admins, feel free to move this thread to wherever it belongs. So try not to poke fun. My wife and i have been together for 5 years now. We got married at 16 after i got her pregnant, but we are very much in love and have been for a long time. Well about 2 years ago she expressed to me that she was bisexual. Well she also told me that she have never done anything besides kiss a girl, but always wanted to have a lesbian experience. Well i found out she had looked at porn and master bated a few times. Well come two years later we have continued to talk, and we don't want to cause any issues in our marriage, but i feel like i stopped her from truly discovering her sexuality. We both got married so young, and she is the only woman i have ever been with. She has been with a couple guys, but i haven't had to worry about her cheating on me in the past. We are very open about and talk about sex easily. We talk about things we like and dislike. My wife has admitted she feels kinda bad since she has never had that experience,but refuses to do anything about it since we are married. Well we talked and we are going to explore the possibility of letting her have ONE experience. My question is. Am i wrong for possibly letting her have this? I don't want her to resent me later in our marriage, but i don't know how comfortable i am with the idea. At this point its just an idea. Nothing is set in stone, and she has agreed to be completely open with me, and if i say no more, its stops. Am i horrible for doing this? Do you think it could cause issues in our marriage? Im just worried that she may late try to have an experience without me knowing if i don't let her have this. Just don't know how i feel exactly, but she knows this and has agreed i have full reigns on this.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

No.

It's still a violation of your marriage. 

What if instead of being attracted to women, she was attracted to a guy of a different race? Would that be OK to "let her have the experience"? 

Or if she said she was "polyamorous" and wanted 2 or 3 guys at once? Would that be ok to "let her have the experience"?

It's still a violation of her commitment to you.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

If it's something you both agree to do - that is up to you. There are many open / bisexual couples out there. In general, it may not be recommended. Having sex outside the marriage can wreck it as well. Women have left their husbands to be with another woman. Happens.

You both should look at research and info about it. I'm not so much a "pro" with this particular thread, but stating that you both should make sure it's something that wants to be done and possible pitfalls. Unfortunately, you both have some dangers.
- You both have limit sexual experience with others. (This can and does create "I wonder what it would have been like to do...")
- You both married WAY to young, at 21~22 years old, neither of you are the same persons you were 5 years ago. If you both stay *happily* married at age 25+, then you guys are doing GREAT. At 20~22yr old is common for a couple who have been together since high-school to break up. The "I want to experience women" is one of those signs, either it weakens or strengthens you. You both need to talk about it... look into from those who have actually done it.
- I think you are correct with the _" I don't want her to resent me later in our marriage, but i don't know how comfortable i am with the idea."_ - its a double edge sword at this point forward. It's GREAT that you both are talking about it... if you both ever go forward with it - you better make sure you BOTH are very solid in your marriage.
You have about 4 different tracks that may happen:

*1 - *She doesn't have sex with another woman, resentment or desire grows with age (I think this is more likely than not) - she ends up having an affair with another woman anyway without you knowing it. There are aggressive lesbians out there that get off on in popping the cherry of bi-curious or straight women. Consider your wife bi-curious. By having sex with a woman without you knowing about it, she'll be having an affair which means broken communication with you and the marriage is at severe risk.

*2 - *She doesn't ever have sex with another woman - but either (A) lives with it and moves on (B) resents you or herself (C) waits until the marriage is over or you have an affair and its an excuse. (D) she gets help, you both read the book "NOT JUST FRIENDS" by Shirly Glass and just keeps such urges in check.

*3 - *She does have a "controlled" sexual experience with a woman. Becomes good friends with that woman, an affair develops, sex behind your back and the marriage dies.

*4 - *She does have a "controlled" sexual experience with a woman. Doesn't like it or satisfied with crossing it off her bucket list. Maybe you are involved or not - 3some or you watch. There is a difference between F/F sex and F/M/F threesome sex. By all means, finding another woman is quite easy. And you guys never do it again.

*5 - *She does have a "controlled" sexual experience with a woman. FF or FMF - and one or both or three of you decide you want to do it again... now what? Do you make it a birthday/yearly thing or monthly or a relationship thing, the more sex out of marriage, the more likely of tanking the marriage. IF you do this, make sure you both talk about your feelings after the first time, never too much.

Points to note: The desire to EXPERIENCE things grows with age for many, but not all people. I've known 40+ year old ex-housewives who have gone full sex-freak mode to experience everything they didn't do in their teens or twenties. I did this myself to a degree (I am a man)

I have many years of Open Relationships (OR), about 15 years. My wife, not so much. But she is bisexual, has been in full lesbian GF relationships. I knew this since our first date. And I am OR friendly, so I was quite cool for her to experience things together as a couple. So we did FMF and MFM. But she still cheated on me (with a young man) and it destroyed our marriage. We are back together, almost a year now. I am still pro OR - for those who can handle it / do it properly. My wife didn't do so well, even though she had fun with other women. I don't know the future of our relationship - its better today than before. But of course, I'm not having sex with others and of course, neither is she.

Maybe we will revisit it, but once a year. "The Purge" type thing heheheh. But I don't want to hurt what I have now. I'd rather us be one couple for the next 20+ years, than be OR and end up cheating and breaking up a few years from now.

You are supportive and trying to be understanding, that's cool. But you need to be able to handle it. But IMHO, I would make sure that *YOU* also get equal sex with another woman or the same woman. If its just your wife... then you have a power imbalance... not fair, she gets to play around and you don't? Have you asked your wife about that aspect? "okay, you have sex with a woman. Do I get to share or have sex with a woman too?" Reason to bring this up is to show her YOUR side of things.
IF she has ISSUES with you having sex with another woman (or the same in a threesome) - then she has NO business doing the same thing to you. Make sense?

Personally, I think it should be a 3some, you do it as a team... transparency. But because it's like virgin sex, it may not be so great doing it one time. Nervous, doing something for the first time. It's likely she'd ask for another go at it and you would likely say "yeah".

Don't ever think either of you can't cheat on the other. I think Vinnydee maybe able to give some advice in this area.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She is asking for permission to cheat on you.

If you allow this you will feel dreadful.

Been there, done that. 

And let me tell you, it sucks.


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## allez (May 26, 2015)

I think you'd be opening a massive can of worms by allowing her to go have her bisexual experience. 

She's in a relationship with you, so she has fantasies...who doesn't? Try to keep them that way.

What if she likes it, and wants to do it again? 

What if she likes it, but promises never to do it again, but it leaves you feeling hyper-vigilant whenever she gets a new female friend?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You are talking about letting your wife cheat on you.
"One" experience? What if she likes it?

I suspected etc yes you are hoping this will lead to a threesome and you'll get that regularly. Dream on. Your wife won't be the first to run off with another woman.

Marriage--- you're either in, or you're out. Your wife wants out.
Better to know now than after wasting your life.

Btw--- if she was "very much in love" with you, she wouldn't have lesbian sex on her brain. Wake up!

I wanted to edit my response since I read your post again and see that your wife is refusing since she is married. Well she is RIGHT to refuse. You are stupid for considering this. What a huge pandora's box you're just dying to unlock.

Hypothetical situation: I've been married since a young age and always wanted a threesome. Or, always wanted to have sex with some young, sexy woman with a perfect body. One day while going to work, I see a beautiful woman with a flat tire. I fix it for her and start to continue on my way, when she gives me her card with her number and tells me she thinks I'm a helluva guy for fixing her flat and not hitting on her and would like to know if I'm interested in dating sometime..... It happens (actually happened to me once-- not a flat, but a stalled car and I helped her out) She tells me she has a girlfriend she'd like me to meet and that they are very interested in having a threesome with ME, if I'm interested.

Soooooooooo.......... This is something I've always wanted! It's a dream come true!!! Should I deprive myself just because I'm "married"?

What do you think the answer is to this?

As another poster said, EVERYONE has stupid little fantasies. We aren't supposed to act on them once we are married. If she has a fantasy, she needs to figure out a way to get her jollies off by having sex with you. You aren't a woman? Well you may not have the hugest penis, you may not have the most ripped abs, you may not have long flowing hair and cool tatoos, you may not have x,y, z. My point? You CANNOT satisfy your wife if she is constantly fantasizing about other women. But if she works on sex with YOU, she may find that you are quite a fantasy yourself.

All this childish fantasizing and thinking what else is out there is EXACTLY what causes people to get divorced. They forget to work on their relationship they have in order to make it better/closer to perfect, and dwell on the one that they are wanting elsewhere.

You two don't need a divorce necessarily. You both just need to grow up. 
"When I became a man, I put away childish things". She needs to become a woman, too.
You two should work on things with each other. That's what marriage is all about. Stop encouraging her to explore childish nonsense outside the marriage. It's really playing with fire. 
Just my opinion. Sounds like you have a cool thing going with your wife if she is this open with you, and you with her. Just remember what marriage is all about. IT's not about denying yourself happiness. It's about finding happiness with your spouse. Something special just between the two of you. Never bring in a third party, not even once.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think you two should just get divorced.


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## TheUndecidedHusband (Apr 13, 2017)

Thank you for all your feedback. As for you people saying I'm hoping to have a threesome. I actually yes get turned on but the idea of it, but really don't think i want that. Im not hoping for a threesome and hoping it becomes regular. We talk very much and she doesnt necessary like the idea of me being involved with another woman, but she understands my point of view. She isn't pushing for it, and she understands that at any point i can say I'm uncomfortable with the situation and its over. She is very committed to our relationship as it goes. In a way this is till cheating. But to those of you who say, what is she was attracted to a man of a different race, that is different. I understand your point, but it is different. My wife is not bicurious. She has very strong sexual desires for woman, but she has stronger EMOTIONAL feeling with men. She has somewhat experiment with other women, but nothing to in depth. This is merely discussion at this point, but I'm still trying to understand how i feel about the idea. I do know i wouldn't feel completely comfortable with the idea of her doing whatever with another woman, without me at least watching, or seeing a video recording. That I'm not comfortable with at all. Thank your for your feedback, especially TaDor. As for jld. I am asking for serious well thought out responses. A simple, you two should get a divorce is not thoroughly planned or looked at idea. We have children, and we are still very happy being married. Until it becomes a very serious issue, that is a last resort.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm certain JLD is being sarcastic due to my response.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

TheUndecidedHusband said:


> Thank you for all your feedback. As for you people saying I'm hoping to have a threesome. I actually yes get turned on but the idea of it, but really don't think i want that. Im not hoping for a threesome and hoping it becomes regular. We talk very much and she doesnt necessary like the idea of me being involved with another woman, but she understands my point of view. She isn't pushing for it, and she understands that at any point i can say I'm uncomfortable with the situation and its over. She is very committed to our relationship as it goes. In a way this is till cheating. But to those of you who say, what is she was attracted to a man of a different race, that is different. I understand your point, but it is different. My wife is not bicurious. She has very strong sexual desires for woman, but she has stronger EMOTIONAL feeling with men. She has somewhat experiment with other women, but nothing to in depth. This is merely discussion at this point, but I'm still trying to understand how i feel about the idea. I do know i wouldn't feel completely comfortable with the idea of her doing whatever with another woman, without me at least watching, or seeing a video recording. That I'm not comfortable with at all. Thank your for your feedback, especially TaDor. As for jld. I am asking for serious well thought out responses. A simple, you two should get a divorce is not thoroughly planned or looked at idea. We have children, and we are still very happy being married. Until it becomes a very serious issue, that is a last resort.


OP, the pleasure your wife may get from this just isn't worth the risks it introduces to your marriage.

Similar advice presented to the OP in this thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/366882-preparing-myself-threesome.html


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I would never do what you are considering. Once the monogamous aspect of your marriage is broken, it will never be the same. I don't want anyone having sex with my wife but me. NOBODY! 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TheUndecidedHusband said:


> My question is. Am i wrong for possibly letting her have this? I don't want her to resent me later in our marriage, but i don't know how comfortable i am with the idea. At this point its just an idea.


Ever wonder if you will resent it, why is she entitled to resent something but you are not allowed to? Let me ask you another question, would it be fun for you to have a mistress that was really just about some side sex with not strings attached? Or how about going to a very attractive high-class hooker once and a while, and having wild out of the box sex. Here is another one, if your wife has small breast, should your wife be cool with you hooking up with a women with big breast because you never got the chance to do that? Is it wrong for her to prevent you from having any of these experiences because it makes her uncomfortable. What's the difference? Have you ever had the experience of having a mistress? Why do you have to have this experience for your life to be fulfilling, just because it may be fun? 

Do you get my point? For most and I am assuming you, when you take marriage vows you are agreeing to the fact that you are giving up some potential experiences that may be great fun. At least that is what most people are doing. That is why they are vows, that is why they should not be taken lightly, it why there is a big ceremony done in front of all your friends and family. It's not like signing a phone contract. 

From your post your wife is cool with not having this experience because she loves you. Do you know how many faithful people have the temptation to have some side sex and don't? I don't get why the gender of the potential hook up makes any difference. I DO see lots of young men now a days feeling guilty by having just the very basic boundaries when it comes to what they will accept in a relationship. I have a few theories why that is but you probably need to work that out on your own. 

Here is the deal your wife made a promise to you, you are not controlling, being mean or part of the patriarchy by holding her to it. Besides that she wants to keep it, but even if she didn't you should not feel guilty about it. Honestly something is wrong that you do. This doesn't make you a bad man, it makes you an assertive man, it makes you honorable, it makes you a human being with pretty much the basic standards when it comes to a monogamous relationship. Your wife is yours you should righteous protect that. You should covet her sexuality, not freely give it away. Believe me most people want that, and I believe most women need it because it makes them feel secure. It makes them feel loved. Men who are quick to give their wives away look weak, even if the wives don't see this consciously they instinctively know it, and it brings them doubts. Would you have doubts of about your wives love for your sexuality if she just let you go out at night and hook up?

One more question, are you a child of divorce? How active was your father in your life? Just seeing if my assumptions are right. There is a reason why you are feeling guilty about something that is a natural healthy part of your nature. 

Let her have her fantasies, nothing wrong with that, but keep them fantasies. If she is Gay then your have some big problems and your marriage is probably over, if she is Bi then it's really no different then is she wanted to screw some strange man. You made vows for a reason.

As far as threesomes they are the Russian Roulette of marriage.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Different people have different opinions.

If it were me, my feelings would be the following:

If my wife really preferred women to men, then I'd rather she found that out and left, than lived unhappily. So I would be OK with her experimenting. I have not sense of jealousy toward women, so I'm convinced it wouldn't bother me. Ground rules:

She tells me, preferably before but at least after. 

Its for sex, not a relationship. If they start socializing, I want to be invited. (I'd like to be invited for a 3some too ;-), but that isn't necessary). She makes it clear to the other woman that its sex only. 

It never gets in the way our our sex life -she can have all the sex she wants with another woman, but not do so and then turn me down. 

If she starts developing feelings, she tells me so we can talk about it. 


Remember though, my feelings on relationships are different. I always want to be my wife's first choice, so I don't want to keep her from other options, I want her to choose me over those other options.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I tend to agree with Uhtred. First off OP you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience. She is the only person who can give an experience to herself. You don't own her. Better her to be honest now, and let nature takes its course than to have her lie and allow resentment and regret to grow. I am not advocating cheating, I am only advocating honesty. At the very least you will know and then plan your own life accordingly.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

It's still sex with another person. The gender is irrelevant. Don't offer it, don't do it. She chose to marry you - you didn't force her, so there's nothing to resent there. She's not "missing out"! By the sound of it, she has quite a lot to be thankful for. That would be like saying since you're married, you're "missing out" on being single and thus being able to sleep around. Well of course, right? She ultimately cannot have both.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

TheUndecidedHusband said:


> Well about 2 years ago she expressed to me that she was bisexual. Well she also told me that she have never done anything besides kiss a girl, but always wanted to have a lesbian experience. Well i found out she had looked at porn and master bated a few times. Well come two years later we have continued to talk, and we don't want to cause any issues in our marriage, but i feel like i stopped her from truly discovering her sexuality. We both got married so young, and she is the only woman i have ever been with. She has been with a couple guys


 Both of you have the same thing in common. Neither of you have experienced another woman. Why is it OK for her to break her marriage vows to "discover her sexuality", but not OK for you to do the same. Look you are either in a monogamous marriage or you are not. What if in experimenting with her bisexuality she prefers the other woman? If she wants to sexually experience someone out of the marriage, please wait for your child to be old enough for the two of you to be divorced.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I'm sorry if you were offended, OP. My response was sincere and from my gut, just based on what you wrote. 

I don't think people who desire same sex relations are going to change. And I guess I am too big a believer in monogamy to ever recommend anything else. So to me it looks like for each of you to live out your true sexual nature, and be at peace, a divorce is in order.

Again, sorry if my response offended. Did not mean for it to. Please feel free to ignore.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

@jld , I was more concerned Fozzy had hacked your account!


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Ynot said:


> First off OP you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience. She is the only person who can give an experience to herself. You don't own her.


 You saying that "you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience" and that "You don't own her", is exactly what almost every cheater says in justifying their cheating. It is right out of the cheaters playbook. Of course this is bull, because expecting them to keep their marriage vows has nothing to do with owning them. If your spouse breaks their vows and has sex with someone else, you have a right to divorce them. If they do not want you to divorce them, then they are expected to keep to their vows. It is as simple as that. The whole "You don't own her" argument is nothing more than a straw-man tactic that is great in a debate class but not helpful in a marriage.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

TRy said:


> You saying that "you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience" and that "You don't own her", is exactly what almost every cheater says in justifying their cheating. It is right out of the cheaters playbook. Of course this is bull, because expecting them to keep their marriage vows has nothing to do with owning them. If your spouse breaks their vows and has sex with someone else, you have a right to divorce them. If they do not want you to divorce them, then they are expected to keep to their vows. It is as simple as that. The whole "You don't own her" argument is nothing more than a straw-man tactic that is great in a debate class but not helpful in a marriage.


So very true. I don't OWN my wife, but I expect her to be monogamous and not screw anyone else. She has the same expectation of me. I can't just go have sex with someone and pull the "controlling" card when she gets angry. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

DayOne said:


> @jld , I was more concerned Fozzy had hacked your account!


?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

jld said:


> ?


It's in reference to a sarcastic post I made a few days ago along the same lines.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> It's in reference to a sarcastic post I made a few days ago along the same lines.


Oh, okay. Thanks!


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Bi-curious woman here. Married 20 years. 

I didn't discover my attraction/interest in women until after I was married. While I do often fantasize about being with another woman or having an FMF threesome, I never felt driven to experience it in real life as I never wanted to risk my marriage. Mr HB was very excited about the idea and would have done it in a heartbeat if I had said so. It was a frequent part of our fantasy sex life together and very enjoyable for both of us. 

The way we handled it was to visit a strip club together. Not all the time, maybe once or twice a year... and we would share a lap dance together. Mr HB has never been one to visit these clubs on his own or with buddies, so I never felt threatened in that sense. We found the dancers were almost always more attentive to me than to him, since they knew that he was enjoying the girl/girl visuals too.

For me, having some hot stripper rub her naked self on me satisfied my curiosities. For Mr HB, it was as close as he was going to get to his bucket list 3some. And it certainly sparked some pretty intense lovin' after each visit.

There are other issues more recently in my marriage, so we have not gone in a while. But in a secure relationship and if you are doing it together (the together part is very important I think) and communicating well before, during, and after it might be a fun way to explore without risking your marriage.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Different people have different opinions.
> 
> If it were me, my feelings would be the following:
> 
> ...


You still must acknowledge it's a big risk. Sex is designed to create bonding. Is your wife cool with you getting sex on the side to? If not doesn't seem like a fair deal to me. But to each his own.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ynot said:


> I tend to agree with Uhtred. First off OP you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience. She is the only person who can give an experience to herself. You don't own her. Better her to be honest now, and let nature takes its course than to have her lie and allow resentment and regret to grow. I am not advocating cheating, I am only advocating honesty. At the very least you will know and then plan your own life accordingly.


Agreed. My wife honestly tells me she is going to go have sex with someone else, I honestly tell her the marriage is over. But I think she would know that anyway. My wife tells me she resents that she can't get some sex on the side I tell her I picked the wrong person to marry and move on. I don't see these things as big challenges. I see them as you picked the wrong person to be married to. Lots of people do especially young.

I never understand why a marriage contract, which is pretty much the most important contract than 99% of all the contracts people will sign in their lives, stipulations are taken so lightly.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

jld said:


> I'm sorry if you were offended, OP. My response was sincere and from my gut, just based on what you wrote.
> 
> I don't think people who desire same sex relations are going to change. And I guess I am too big a believer in monogamy to ever recommend anything else. So to me it looks like for each of you to live out your true sexual nature, and be at peace, a divorce is in order.
> 
> Again, sorry if my response offended. Did not mean for it to. Please feel free to ignore.


I can't believe I agree with jld. :surprise:


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

sokillme said:


> I can't believe I agree with jld. :surprise:


You finally have a correct opinion.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

jld said:


> You finally have a correct opinion.


I may have to up my meds, or lower them. >


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

TheUndecidedHusband said:


> ...together for 5 years now. We got married at 16 after i got her pregnant, but we are very much in love and have been for a long time. *Well about 2 years ago she expressed to me that she was bisexual*.
> 
> ....she is the only woman i have ever been with. She has been with a couple guys, but i haven't had to worry about her cheating on me in the past.
> 
> ...





TheUndecidedHusband said:


> .... As for you people saying *I'm hoping to have a threesome*. I actually yes get turned on but the idea of it, but really don't think i want that. Im not hoping for a threesome and hoping it becomes regular. We talk very much and *she doesnt necessary like the idea of me being involved with another woman*, but she understands my point of view.
> 
> ....My wife is not bicurious. *She has very strong sexual desires for woman, but she has stronger EMOTIONAL feeling with men.* *She has somewhat experiment with other women, but nothing to in depth. This is merely discussion at this point,* but I'm still trying to understand how i feel about the idea. I do know i wouldn't feel completely comfortable with the idea of her doing whatever with another woman, without me at least watching, or seeing a video recording.
> 
> .... *We have children, and we are still very happy being married.* Until it becomes a very serious issue, that is a last resort.


A few thoughts. First read HB50's post. She has been there and not done that! 

There are a few things that I think you really need to resolve in your own mind. I would absolutely not do what you are thinking of doing.

(1) You claim you wife is not bi-curious, but has a preference for lesbian relationship. That is a huge red flag and danger to your marriage. You really need to understand if that is true or not.

(2)You want to be part of a three-some and sort of feel entitled to being there and at least watching. Your wife isn't happy with that. I see this as a real problem in that this isn't you allowing her to explore something, this is you getting to participate in it in some way. So this is not you lovingly and unilaterally giving your wife a pass, She has told you she does want you involved and yet that is where your mind is. That is another red flag warning about the health of your marriate.

(3) You have small children and what you and/or your wife are contemplating could put their happiness in jeopardy. So is your wife willing to place you kids as potential collateral damage to her marriage, just to fulfill her sexual exploration? Are you willing to place them at risk for your shot at some kind of 3-some?

Again, I would not recommend approving your wife having a sexual affair with another woman. Will your wife practice safe sex (dental dams, gloves?) If you really don't want her to be resentful, ask if you can do some role playing that might either satisfy her curiosity (assuming it isn't an outright preference for women). HB50 talked about visiting a strip club for lap dances, which seems a reasonable slippery slope compromise.

There is an interesting TED talk about Monogomy 2.0 or Monogomish that you might want to watch. It talks about "thoughts without actions, "actions without violating your wedding vows" and things that a husband and wife can do together without violating their marriage vows. It is geared toward a FMF, but more for satisfying the Husbands sexual fantasy, but with a little role playing and reversal, you could make it basically work for your wife's situation. It is likely playing with fire, but still much better than having her have an affair or controlled cheating. Skip ahead to the 10 minute mark and then listen to what she has to say, if you really want to move your wife's fantasy forward, in a controlled way. 




Now I have a final piece of advice. Based on the items 1, 2, & 3 above you and your wife really should make an appointment with a sex therapist. Sex therapists are marriage counselors with additional training in sexual problems, orientations, etc. If she really isn't bi-curious but prefers women, the marriage you think you have is in crisis. 

Good luck.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I don't like the fact that she brought up this bisexual thing after being married to you for two years. She either wasn't being honest with you throughout your entire marriage or just figured that she would like to have a new kinky experience. Either way she's trying to make you into the villain who is curbing her sexually. I think this is all BS. You just don't get bisexual overnight. You should put your foot down and say that she married you and that your marriage is a straight marriage and she will not be allowed to cheat.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> I don't like the fact that she brought up this bisexual thing after being married to you for two years. She either wasn't being honest with you throughout your entire marriage or just figured that she would like to have a new kinky experience. Either way she's trying to make you into the villain who is curbing her sexually. I think this is all BS. You just don't get bisexual overnight. You should put your foot down and say that she married you and that your marriage is a straight marriage and she will not be allowed to cheat.


Like he could ever really control that.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I think it's good that you two are communicating openly about this and trying to figure out what works for you. I know people in many different relationship styles and each relationship type has its own set of unique issues. The real question for you is what are potential future relationship problems that fulfilling this fantasy for your wife may cause, and are you both OK with taking that risk?


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

uhtred said:


> Different people have different opinions.
> 
> If it were me, my feelings would be the following:
> 
> ...


Likely if she starts developing feelings... then she'll also keep them to herself and will handle it (as to not hurt hubby feelings) - which means it becomes an affair which those feelings get stronger and the standard results happen.

I know of two OR relationships that went to crap.
1 - She was ordered to have sex with others (men or women). He was always an jerk and other mean censored words that I told her more than once to leave him. Well, one of these guys gave her flowers, and she left the abusive BF and ended up marrying that nice guy. They are monogamous.

2 - Woman brings another woman for threesomes to her BF. I think within 4 weeks he dumps the first woman and becomes engaged to the new one.

I know people who seem to be doing well on the OR thing. One of them has toned it down.

So yeah, OP - that is why I when I said "controlled" I put quotation marks. You can't really control other people's feelings... It does work for some, but you don't know. She doesn't know.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I would feel like I was living a lie the whole marriage.

maybe even consider divorce over it. Just me I want a heterosexual woman not a switch hitter.

next!


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Thumbs UP on going to strip clubs with wife.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

They say you cannot only eat one Lays.

Way too many Chippy's out of the closet, out of the bag.

.................................................................................................................................

Children:

Children do not like sweets and candy until they are offered some. Then, that is all they want.

.................................................................................................................................

Women often want to have a relationship with another women for less obvious reasons.

It seems less base, less sinful. Birds of a feather, flock together.

It is the sign of the times. Sex with men is scary. 

Copy cat behavior, copy *****cat behavior. 

Anything goes behavior.
................................................................................................................................
Sex with another women is more handily going to end in an orgasm. 

Tools of the trade are expected, especially Licentious Contract-her heavy duty clean-out snakes. 
................................................................................................................................
You cannot get hooked on drugs if you never try them.
She cannot get hooked on feminine hugs if she never tries them.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

OP, I think the difference between bicurious, bisexual and lesbian is an important distinction.

If she is lesbian, she will never remain happy being monogamous with a man. If bisexual, meaning could have a one on one relationship with a man or woman, then maybe if she can get over the thoughts of missing out. And if she's just bicurious there are numerous ways to explore without hurting your marriage.

I don't consider myself bisexual since I have never been with a woman (not counting college kisses for fun), and I can't visualize myself in a relationship with one. Yes, I get turned on by women... I think their bodies are beautiful and sexy. But, the idea of being with a woman sexually is more exciting to me in the setting of a FMF 3some. For me, having the man there makes the fantasy 10 million times hotter. I would only feel I was missing out without the man.

OP, it would concern me that she wants to do this exploration without you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheUndecidedHusband (Apr 13, 2017)

This is his wife. Just so you know, THIS IS ALL HIS IDEA. I don't even think I want to, yes I am bisexual, doesnt mean i would ever cheat on him with another woman. It's in his head.....


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## TheUndecidedHusband (Apr 13, 2017)

This is his wife.. Just to clear things up, i never asked to do this. He is just worried I might go out and do it for the experience over time. Im not going to. I don't want to. Yes, I am bisexual, I wish i could have had atleast one experience in my past, but i didn't and I am okay with that. I am married to the love my life and all of my sexual needs are met. Im happy. Just wanted to let you guys know this was all his idea. I love my husband and I had no thought of even doing this.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)




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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

TheUndecidedHusband said:


> This is his wife.. Just to clear things up, i never asked to do this. He is just worried I might go out and do it for the experience over time. Im not going to. I don't want to. Yes, I am bisexual, I wish i could have had atleast one experience in my past, but i didn't and I am okay with that. I am married to the love my life and all of my sexual needs are met. Im happy. Just wanted to let you guys know this was all his idea. I love my husband and I had no thought of even doing this.


 Thank you for posting and clearing things up. If you do not mind, please hit on the backside of his head for me.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

This is in my wheelhouse. I am married to a bisexual women for 44 years and my two previous relationships, one an ex fiancee was with to bi girls. I only know bi girls as lovers. I did not know any of them were bi until we started the relationship.

My wife tried to repress her bisexuality. She did not want to cheat. We did a wife swap but she hated sex with the other guy. He was too rough and did not make love like we do. Then she started asking her visiting friends to join us in bed. They all thought I was hot since high school, so they joined us for a threesome. They were just bi curious so it was a one time thing. What my wife did next was brilliant. 

Her best friend since childhood who is the sister of my childhood friend, was visiting us after a nasty divorce. She was complaining that she had not had sex in 8 months and the single guys she met were all single for a reason. Out of the blue my wifes asks her friend if she would like me to have sex with her. Her friend asked her if she was kidding, but my wife was not. We had a crush on each other since we were 13 and so we went upstairs to the bedroom. She extremely lubricated when we got into bed and when she had her orgasm she screamed out loud. 

My wife then entered the bedroom and asked who died. We started talking and I figured the polite thing to do was invite her to join us. She did and they focused on me until I told them that they have been such good friends that they should show each other sexually their love of one another. They did and we found out that her girlfriend had been with women throughout college and my wife had been fantasizing about sex with women for a few months. We all enjoyed the threesome so much that we kept it going until we asked our girlfriend to move in with us. She lived with us full time for about 7 years. It was great. The girls only had sex if I took part. My wife said that if I was not there, it felt like cheating.

Our girlfriend got married for financial security since she had no spousal rights in our poly triad. She actually found a guy online who was OK with her continuing her relationship with us. They married and her lover, my wife, was her maid of honor. After that she still maintained her own room in our home while splitting her time between us and her husband. That lasted 30 years. 

We made it work. My wife made sure that her sex with women was only in a threesome with me. Being bi is not black and white. My wife only wants women for sex, not romance, dating or marriage. She had sex with women a few thousand times over our 44 year marriage but never went on a date or had a romance with a woman. In fact, at home she would not even hug or kiss our girlfriend on the cheek outside of the bedroom. Her girlfriend was my lover and my wife's friend with benefits. There was love but not the romantic kind between them as there was between our girlfriend and me. Her is a good definition of bisexuality and you can see how complex it is and how it can vary over time:

DEFINITION OF BISEXUALITY: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.” by Robyn Ochs.

Your wife is not going to be able to fight her urge for sex with a woman for long. Do what we did; have a threesome so no cheating involved, it is hot to watch two girls together and also hot to have them sexually please you. It is a win-win-win situation. Our sexlife was great. Our personal life is great and we never even had an argument with our girlfriend. She knew her place in our poly triad and respected my marriage as the primary relationship.

A threesome is the perfect way to let your wife explore that side of her in safe way without undue risk to your marriage. Good luck and read my signature block below. We lived by what it says and had a great marriage and life as a result.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Very good to hear your side. 

Do you not want to, or is it that you want to but recognize the very real risks to your relationship?







TheUndecidedHusband said:


> This is his wife.. Just to clear things up, i never asked to do this. He is just worried I might go out and do it for the experience over time. Im not going to. I don't want to. Yes, I am bisexual, I wish i could have had atleast one experience in my past, but i didn't and I am okay with that. I am married to the love my life and all of my sexual needs are met. Im happy. Just wanted to let you guys know this was all his idea. I love my husband and I had no thought of even doing this.


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