# Crossroads



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Looks like this is it, the crossroads - do we try and fix it, or do we move on. She's (my STBX) left me with the hammer... so ok...

We've both calmed down enough to make informed decisions, we've both realised our mistakes, she has apologised, I have apologised, have I seen changes? Of course not, we're in early stages of seperation. Has she been co-operative? Yes I am very fortunate she didn't decide to be a b-tch (much). Also remarkably, we've never been this united when it comes to parenting in the past, yet we are now, irony really.

Do I love her? No longer. I miss the woman I had 5 years ago, not the woman she has become. We've grown apart too much, only thing we have now which isn't too broken is sexual chemistry. Does she love me? She won't answer yes or no, says she's not sure anymore about us. She has tested me repeatedly during this period and coming to conclusions that I don't love her so I didn't even have to say a thing - I wasn't even going to argue. She could have just asked me but whatever, it was amusing to watch.

But... we have a peculiar bond, and we both know it. Even now, no one else comes close to understanding us then each other (yet we're so apart at the same time - its weird!) - reason being that we're both not exactly the type of people who can go around telling people what each of us used to do for a living. This brought us close, and we've also shared 7 years of our lives together, we had good times and bad times. Closing the chapter on this will be difficult.

Now... the possibility of us getting together in a healthy marriage is... slim at the moment. We're both not ready AT ALL, I'm doing IC and I still need to go through these stages, I'm not fully out of the snow globe yet. I want to not only be out of this snow globe but be ready to resist entering another snow globe in the future. My STBX... she is not doing counselling, and furthermore as a member on the forum mentioned - it's just words at the moment when it comes to her apologies and what she wants to change within herself.

Knowing there's no turning back in my decision, I know it's going to hurt. Help me make an informed decision, are we worth saving?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Why does this need to be decided today?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've made the mistake of forcing this issue by telling her that I'm seriously thinking of stepping out with consent considering we're seperated. My STBX is right, I've fked up, this is the consequence of my actions, my stupid fking c--k.



> I told her that I'm not exactly in a position to make such a decision but then she told me that she isn't either but that I'm forcing the issue by talking about stepping out. She admitted to me that this free reign was a test, and that by rejecting her again as well - I proved to her I don't love her. Well... whatever, she already knows this and how fked we are now. She said if I move on, then she's not going to look back anymore, told me to take this decision seriously.


Admittedly, I'm more inclined to end it. I don't see any other way, I can't go back to what we had, it was FKED seriously FKED. Not just her nymphomania but the issues we had stemming from sh-t FIVE YEARS AGO that we've never truly solved (and I even joined this forum because of it) and she revealed it to me as well.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Are you planning on 'stepping out' tonight?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No, I can't be that cruel to her until I've made my decision


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Why does that decision have to be made today?

Why are you always in a rush to do everything?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She told me herself that I have to make up my mind and that if I'm going to step out she's going to move on and not look back. Now, I thought about delaying this by telling her that I've changed my mind but she will never believe that anymore.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

She can say what she wants but it's your life. Nothing needs to be done or decided right this minute. Tell her that.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Wouldn't that be leading her on? I already want to end it...

Well 80% inclined to end it, 20% to save it...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This isn't about her it's about YOU.

She treated you like a d!ck so I'm not really concerned about her feelings at the moment. 

Sorry.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ok... well... *sigh*
Hell I don't know what to do, I'm not ready at all to make this decision. Ok, I'll call her


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You're doing the right thing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks... and well, she's coming over again =/

Says we need to talk about this, so much for a quiet sunday night...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Just say no. 

It really is easy. "No that won't work for me."

You wouldn't be in this mess if you knew how to tell her no.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She can be very persuasive and stubborn at the same time heh
But thanks, managed to buy myself some time


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