# Divorce/separation...extreme anxiety, $, who stays where? etc



## soulconnection (Jul 10, 2013)

Is it really only Tuesday? It's been an intense last couple of weeks for sure. Pretty damned awful. I've had many moments where I know I will have 1 minute to cry (HARD) before my kids are going to enter the room and I take it. My chest constantly feels like a vice grip is squeezing it. Tonight has felt a little better...H is staying at his mom's house for this week.

I have some questions.

Is it best to divorce fast or take your time? My decision was most definitely not fast; I mentioned it to H last December and more seriously thought about it and told him around March/April. Financially it would be great if we could stay under the same roof until I've had a job for a month (I'm a SAHM) but H keeps trying to get me to stay and it's prolonging both of our sadness (if I'm just in the same room with him I think he's thinking we have a chance), guilt and my anxiety. Right now I'm thinking that we should remain in the same house at least until I have a job but is that stringing him along? I know that I've been clear but every night we're in the same house he starts an intense talk that starts out with me feeling guilty and so sad and ends with me raising my voice saying something like, "Why is this guilt trip being thrown on me?! You gave up on the marriage! I just eventually followed your lead!" I can only say so much to someone who is repeatedly begging  I know that sounds cold, but it IS because I do actually care and don't want to repeatedly have to remind him of my decision.

So do I wait until I have a job? But I would get me and the kids out of town as much as possible or ask him to stay at his moms.

Or do I actually move out ASAP. This choice gives me anxiety but I wonder if it's best for him?

If I contact a mediator through the court (a free one) will they explain to me how our bills will be split and child support?

I'm going to the mountains this weekend and leaving the kids with H. I'm not completely sure how I feel about this. I'm looking forward to hiking and meditating but not looking forward to missing my kids.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I can't really offer advice for most of your questions, since my personal experience is/was very different (no kids, already working, etc.)

My STBXH was the one to move out, so I stayed put. Even though he's the one who wants the divorce, I'm going to file ASAP, because I'll be damned if I'm going to pay his health insurance premiums for a minute longer than I have to. Which, in my case, since I'm planning on filing pro se, will be the end of October (when I can attend a pro-se clinic here). I want it done as quickly as possible, and since he moved out this past February, I've been eligible to file since early August.

You might not have that option, considering all the variables.


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## soulconnection (Jul 10, 2013)

Thanks, pink. 

I've been applying to jobs but it's so hard, cause even with an education and experience, the jobs out there are not paying much!


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