# Wife suggested some kind of lubricant



## bagdon (Jun 7, 2013)

Hello good people,

Our sex has slowed to once a week now over the past month; I think we may have even missed a week within that month. The last time we had sex ( I think last Friday) we were both struggling to get off; in fact neither of us did. 

My first thought is that we're both always so tired at the end of each day. I never did get completely hard and she felt a little dry too. Afterwards, she said we may need some kind of oils or lubricants.

We talked about it last night in passing. She mentioned again maybe getting some kind of lubricant to help us out...any suggestions?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

At first blush I wouldn't think that you are having a lubrication issue so much as something else is draining the desire for intimacy between the two of you. You are being affected because you aren't getting a full erection, which has nothing to do with lubrication. 

But, first thing to consider is she naturally dry or is it more along an issue with not being turned on and "into it"?

If it's legitimate dryness, then a number of people have suggested to me to look into silicon based lubes, hybrid of silicon and water-base lubes and someone has advocated coconut oils too. 

Still, I'd spend more time dwelling on working on finding the true root cause for not connecting well lately before you make the assumption that it's a lube issue only.


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## bagdon (Jun 7, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> At first blush I wouldn't think that you are having a lubrication issue so much as something else is draining the desire for intimacy between the two of you. You are being affected because you aren't getting a full erection, which has nothing to do with lubrication.
> 
> But, first thing to consider is she naturally dry or is it more along an issue with not being turned on and "into it"?
> 
> ...


Yeah, I didn't want to think that way but it has been in the back of my mind. She's not naturally dry. I think I need to step up my sex game and get into some different stuff with her; it's been the same format every time lately...one of her fantasies is doing it outside. 

We both fell off of our diets when things got good between us again (the weight jumped back on us easy!) now we've just started getting back into better diet and stronger fitness routines.

The other thing is our daily schedule has us exhausted by the end of the day everyday partly because our whole family commutes to another city for everything we do...we need to move as soon as possible.

Thanks for the response...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I would get a silicone based paraffin free lube. AND when life has you both exhausted, lube play alone can be fun. 

Graphic suggestions.....

Bring out some towels cause this is messy. You squirt some lube on you, a part of your body, leg arm shoulder whatever, and have her rub her lady parts onto the puddle of lube. Then she does the same. You keep going on different body part. I haven't tried our coconut oil yet, just bought it, but the advantage of coconut oil is it's also a moisturizer with no sticky residue. You can get it at the grocery store.

I am of the age where lubrication isn't always happening so we have recently taken to using lube all the time. Usually it's me who grabs the bottle and squirts it all over while he watches. But I LOVE it when he does it!

A quick massage can do wonders to relax her so she does get sufficiently aroused. Focus on her butt muscles because we carry a LOT of stress in our lower backs, and I love a good butt massage!

All of these activities require lube of some sort. So go buy the pure coconut oil and some silicone based paraffin free lube. I buy lube from the internet because the grocery store doesn't carry paraffin free silicone lube. I also use Nutrogena sesame seed body oil for massages. 

Time to mix it up with some new oils and lotions, experiment with the different stuff. Who doesn't love a massage?


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## bagdon (Jun 7, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I would get a silicone based paraffin free lube. AND when life has you both exhausted, lube play alone can be fun.
> 
> Graphic suggestions.....
> 
> ...


Great! And I do love her butt! Thank you!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I haven't had sex with my wife without lube in over a quarter of a century, and can probably count on one hand the number of times.

The different kinds of lube vary wildly in their texture and feel. The old standby, KY, is thicker and a little sticky, but it's still the wife's favorite. There are thinner glycerin based lubes like Astroglide. My personal favorite is Probe - it's more of a thin mucous like substance that emulates natural female lubrication. The silicone based varieties have a very different feel that you may or may not like - I have found that they don't feel very natural, but they do last a long time and some can withstand water. Coconut oil is a nice addition that can be used just about anywhere inside and/or outside the body. 

There are more options than you can shake a semi-erect stick at.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Lube can be fun for both of you. Handjobs on either you or her are so much better with lube. I like the silicone lubes because they stay slippery forever however I understand they're not compatible with sex toys so for those you need water based. Personally, I like to keep both on hand as well as some nice smelling massage oils for backrubs etc. 

I've found stress can inhibit sexual response in both sexes. Try exchanging full body masssages before getting into sex.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

i've liked astroglide the best for various reasons including that it feels pretty light and clean rather than oily. It also tastes OK and it safe to eat giving you a bit more 'flexibility' in doing what you want when you want. But might try Probe based on the rec above (i.e. it being more natural feeling). We tend not to use lube unless really necessary and don't like the feel of silicone or anything oil based. Astroglide (and probably many others of similar constitution) will come back to slipperiness with a bit of moisture added (spit) if they start to get less slick. In general though, the reason we don't like the different lubes that we've tried is that they don't feel particularly natural. Natural vaginal lubrication (in my experience) is slippery but gives a perfect amount of 'grip' to enable the right stimulation on both sides. Fake lubes generally are too slick and remove a lot of the feeling.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

couple said:


> i've liked astroglide the best for various reasons including that it feels pretty light and clean rather than oily. It also tastes OK and it safe to eat giving you a bit more 'flexibility' in doing what you want when you want. But might try Probe based on the rec above (i.e. it being more natural feeling). We tend not to use lube unless really necessary and don't like the feel of silicone or anything oil based. Astroglide (and probably many others of similar constitution) will come back to slipperiness with a bit of moisture added (spit) if they start to get less slick. In general though, the reason we don't like the different lubes that we've tried is that they don't feel particularly natural. Natural vaginal lubrication (in my experience) is slippery but gives a perfect amount of 'grip' to enable the right stimulation on both sides. Fake lubes generally are too slick and remove a lot of the feeling.


This is a great evaluation! Sometimes I like the natural juice slicker and others dryer. It's nice to have options. 

These artificial lubes do have various degrees of "performance" to them. I always found KY jelly to be too tacky and it dries up making it really uncomfortable.

Astroglide had a slick feel and lubrication improves with pressure... It's close but still not the same as natural juices.


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## bagdon (Jun 7, 2013)

Cletus said:


> I haven't had sex with my wife without lube in over a quarter of a century, and can probably count on one hand the number of times.
> 
> 
> 
> There are more options than you can shake a semi-erect stick at.


Ha! Thanks!


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

We have used Astroglide silicone lube with a lot of success over the past few years. It's very light and slippery, and lasts a long time.

We used to use KY, but found that if our sessions went more than 15 minutes or so, it would dry out and get sticky, especially if I was pulling out to change positions or mix things up a bit. She also seemed more prone to yeast infections with the water-based lubes.

I also find that the silicone lubes don't have much taste, so if we want to switch back to oral in the middle of things, it's no biggie. Many times, I will get her going with simultaneous oral and penetration with a toy, and it's nice to not have to deal with a weird or unpleasant taste.

We have not tried coconut oil yet, but someone said it stinks up the whole house, so the kids can figure out when Mom and Dad are "knocking boots", not a good thing.

I would also give a "thumbs up" for the Nutragena sesame massage oil as well for giving a nice "a$$ massage". Works great, and is readily available.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Coconut oil is superb for massages and sex. Warm it just a little bit if it is solidified. If it is below about 70 degrees it will turn solid, so you don't have to warm it much at all. A little bit goes a long way! Scoop it out of the jar with a spoon and put it in a little bowl. That way you aren't sticking your fingers into the jar contaminating it. Coconut oil is good for cooking, too.

A warming lube can be fun. AstroGlide makes one we have liked.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

keeper63 said:


> We have used Astroglide silicone lube with a lot of success over the past few years. It's very light and slippery, and lasts a long time.
> 
> We used to use KY, but found that if our sessions went more than 15 minutes or so, it would dry out and get sticky, especially if I was pulling out to change positions or mix things up a bit. She also seemed more prone to yeast infections with the water-based lubes.
> 
> ...


Grapeseed oil couldn't be a bad choice...


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Saliva... you'll thank me later


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## kjm (Jan 8, 2011)

Astro-glide AFTER saliva. I am convinced that the reason astroglide got its name was that they coat rockets with it and the rocket just slides into space. That stuff is slicker than two eels in a bucket of snot.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I would get a silicone based paraffin free lube. AND when life has you both exhausted, lube play alone can be fun.
> 
> Graphic suggestions.....
> 
> ...


So if I read this right you use silicone lube as a massage oil?


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I would definitely try the Coconut oil....

It is in the cooking aisle at the grocery store. 

Inexpensive
Healthy
tastes good
works real well

and as noted - a good moisturizer. I know a woman in her 60's who swears by it and she hasn't got any wrinkles...

Oh, right....I should say she puts it on her face... 


Give it a try. It works, and there is nothing wrong with using a lubricant.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

rush said:


> So if I read this right you use silicone lube as a massage oil?


No, I use it on my lady parts.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> No, I use it on my lady parts.


Ok I got that, we use astroglide, lady parts too, sometimes it gets allover my face but I still have a smile there


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

is coconut oil safe for the lady parts too?


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

is coconut oil safe for the lady parts too?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

rush said:


> is coconut oil safe for the lady parts too?


Yes, very! In fact, we might ditch the silicone line and just use coconut oil. Both our parts liked it.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

bagdon said:


> We talked about it last night in passing. She mentioned again maybe getting some kind of lubricant to help us out...any suggestions?


If you don't use latex condoms I cannot suggest coconut oil enough. It's cheap, has a nice smell, and best of all doesn't change consistency the way water based lubes do. You can use it as massage oil also. You can find it in Walmart in their herbal pills aisle. I think Sams or Costco sell it in 1 gallon tubs. 

Make sure neither of you are allergic to coconuts before.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

I got to go to Walmart anyway...:smthumbup:


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Coconut oil all the way. Just the smell of it makes me want sex.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

Well I just returned from my Walmart experience, I found coconut oil in the cooking oil section, I guess this is the correct kind for all body experience?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

rush said:


> Well I just returned from my Walmart experience, I found coconut oil in the cooking oil section, I guess this is the correct kind for all body experience?


As long as it's 100% pure coconut oil. It should be a solid white flaky substance at room temperature that melts easily in your hand.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

this is already liquid, does not say 100 percent but that's the only ingredient listed, I saw the other kind and it looked like Crisco in the jar, was that the kind I should have got?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

rush said:


> this is already liquid, does not say 100 percent but that's the only ingredient listed, I saw the other kind and it looked like Crisco in the jar, was that the kind I should have got?


The only kind I know, which I buy in the gallon jar at Costco, is more like Crisco in appearance until you start working with it. If it's already a liquid at room temperature, it must be processed with some other shorter chain hydrocarbons I would think.

I guess I don't know what you have.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

says coconut cooking oil, I will take it back and get the other maybe,,,,,i sure don't wanna hurt the wifes privates...


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

does anyone here use Carrington farms coconut cooking oil that is already in liquid form?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I think you need to return it and get the stuff that looked like crisco.

Last night was our first time with coconut oil. It is the only thing I have ever used that didn't even slightly irritate my lady bits AND did not get sticky or gummy. LOVE this stuff!

My lady parts must be ultra sensitive because most of the lubricants I have used do irritate from just a tad to a whole lot! But the coconut oil was perfect!


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

was yours you bought in the cooking oil section too?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Buy organic coconut oil. The one we use is Spectrum brand.

Real coconut oil liquifies right about room temperature. So in a warm place it will be liquid all the time. In our house at 70 degrees it is solid.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

There are two types of 100% coconut oil, refined and raw. The raw variety is the type that is a solid at room temperature, it begins to melt at about 90 degrees. This is actually a nice benefit because you can stuff a chunk into her and let it melt in order to get a lot of the oil way back there.

The refined version (i think) is more of the cooking variety and melts at a higher temperature.

There is a nice article on wiki, just google "wiki coconut oil".

I've noticed the raw has more of a coconut smell. Some people are annoyed by this if they have sensitive smell so you may have to use refined, depending on your spouses tastes.

The raw is usually sold in the herbal supplements aisle in the white plastic jar in walmart and the refined in the cooking section.

Also, you can heat it up in the microwave before hand or get an oil warmer to put by your bed. I've used a small glass dish so that it retains some of the heat and keeps the oil liquid longer. Don't over heat it as the oil will get gritty and it begins to cook.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

We have the refined stuff. It melts easily at body temp. Idk what the official melting point is. I put it in a small glass bowl and then heat it floating on almost hot water. Let it sit at least 5 minutes before use so the temp equalizes, in case it is still warming and gets too warm.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

I just got back from Walmart and got the refined spectrum brand, now all I need is my wife to come back home so I can try it? Another dumb question? If I massage her with this I assume its going to soak through the sheets, what do you put under your wife or husband to keep it from getting allover the bed and also do you have to shower afterwards to get it all off?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

rush said:


> I just got back from Walmart and got the refined spectrum brand, now all I need is my wife to come back home so I can try it? Another dumb question? If I massage her with this I assume its going to soak through the sheets, what do you put under your wife or husband to keep it from getting allover the bed and also do you have to shower afterwards to get it all off?


That's yet another of the wonders of the miracle oil. It absorbs into the skin better than any massage oil I've ever tried. If you don't overuse it, I think you'll find that there isn't that much mess and after an hour all you'll be left with is soft, coconut smelling skin. 

My wife doesn't like the oily skin from massage oil, but she immediately noticed the difference with this stuff.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

Cletus said:


> That's yet another of the wonders of the miracle oil. It absorbs into the skin better than any massage oil I've ever tried. If you don't overuse it, I think you'll find that there isn't that much mess and after an hour all you'll be left with is soft, coconut smelling skin.
> 
> My wife doesn't like the oily skin from massage oil, but she immediately noticed the difference with this stuff.


good deal


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Re: coconut oil--the only ingredient should be "coconut oil." Preferably organic and mechanically pressed. 

We use Spectrum brand. It's in the grocery store along with the other cooking oils.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> Re: coconut oil--the only ingredient should be "coconut oil." Preferably organic and mechanically pressed.
> 
> We use Spectrum brand. It's in the grocery store along with the other cooking oils.


Exactly what I have


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

rush said:


> Exactly what I have


Have fun!


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

I will when she returns, she is out of town


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

rush said:


> I just got back from Walmart and got the refined spectrum brand, now all I need is my wife to come back home so I can try it? Another dumb question? If I massage her with this I assume its going to soak through the sheets, what do you put under your wife or husband to keep it from getting allover the bed and also do you have to shower afterwards to get it all off?


As mentioned it absorbs pretty well but if mess is an issue then get one of those Liberator throws. They are fuzzy on one side and waterproof on the other (and machine washable).


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

No real need for a lubricant here since im umm blessed with " natural fluids "  but we do have a small bottle of Astroglide which works wonderfuul for the purpose it's intended for ahem ahem  

I'll leave that to your umm imagination !!!


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

omgitselaine said:


> No real need for a lubricant here since im umm blessed with " natural fluids "  but we do have a small bottle of Astroglide which works wonderfuul for the purpose it's intended for ahem ahem
> 
> I'll leave that to your umm imagination !!!


My imagination is going wild right now..........wish wife would come home


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Food grade Grape Seed Oil. Found in the grocery store. Safe for any part of the body. No real odor or strong taste.

Love it. So does my wife.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

only down side is I wear condoms a lot so I last longer and I guess it eats the latex in them up


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Yes, very! In fact, we might ditch the silicone line and just use coconut oil. Both our parts liked it.


I need to try the coconut oil for sure. Sounds interesting. Astroglide is the norm in our bedroom and my personal favorite for stallion polishing. I have tried others, but many get sticky or too tacky. Astroglide seems to stay smooth and slippery longer.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Cletus said:


> That's yet another of the wonders of the miracle oil. It absorbs into the skin better than any massage oil I've ever tried. If you don't overuse it, I think you'll find that there isn't that much mess and after an hour all you'll be left with is soft, coconut smelling skin.
> 
> My wife doesn't like the oily skin from massage oil, but she immediately noticed the difference with this stuff.


I wonder if my massage therapist would know about (or use) coconut oil. I will have to ask her....interesting. I love the smell of coconut!


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

rush said:


> only down side is I wear condoms a lot so I last longer and I guess it eats the latex in them up


Oil and latex are a big no-no. However, the polyurethane condoms are oil compatible. I actually preferred them back before the snip-snip anyway. They are expensive though, but for us that wasn't a huge expense


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## Sudra (Oct 16, 2013)

Liquid Silk. Available online and at your local adult toy store. Best ever. Hands down. Worth every penny. What other wonderful things can I say? It's really the best and we've tried them all I think, although not so much the cooking aisle as you all.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Sudra said:


> Liquid Silk. Available online and at your local adult toy store. Best ever. Hands down. Worth every penny. What other wonderful things can I say? It's really the best and we've tried them all I think, although not so much the cooking aisle as you all.


This is a close second for us. We used this when we were still using condoms. We found it at an online store which had it in a pump. That can be handy when fingers are slippery trying to get that damn cap off.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

committed_guy said:


> Oil and latex are a big no-no. However, the polyurethane condoms are oil compatible. I actually preferred them back before the snip-snip anyway. They are expensive though, but for us that wasn't a huge expense


will have to look for them, I know what I have now is latex,,,


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

rush said:


> will have to look for them, I know what I have now is latex,,,


polyurethane condoms do not stretch, so they come in the medium size. For me this was reasonable but if you are larger, or smaller, than average this could be an issue.

The bonus for polyurethane is that it does transfer heat better than latex. I always felt more with the polyurethane even though the sizing was a bit off. 

That said, the lube with the brand name of "Silk" was a close second. I would definitely recommend that over not using any condoms when condoms are required. 

Also, silicon lube is latex compatible.


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## ForBetter (Mar 6, 2012)

Coconut oil (organic virgin) has become our favorite, and we have tried water- and silicone- based lubes. 

It isn't cold and wet-feeling, and doesn't dry during use, like water based lubes.
It doesn't reduce sensation, the way I found silicone based lubes could.
It melts quickly at body temperature.
It smells and tastes good.
It's easy to find at the supermarket and online. I bake with it as well (try substituting it for vegetable oil when making brownies-- yum!) so I buy it in bulk from Amazon.
It's good for your skin.
It's heart-healthy, so the bit you ingest doesn't hurt you at all.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> I wonder if my massage therapist would know about (or use) coconut oil. I will have to ask her....interesting. I love the smell of coconut!


So I asked my massage therapist last night about coconut oil. She says it is great to use for massage, but not easy to use if she is massaging men with lots of body hair. Luckily, I don't have lots of body hair, so she is going to give it a try on me next time.

I didn't dare ask if she knew whether it would be good for stallion polishing...I figure I better try that one myself


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

On the very odd occasion that we need lube (maybe twice a year when it is the third time for the day or tired after a night out and drinking) then the best lube is for him to go down on me.

We use coconut oil for massages and it is great for your skin.


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