# Questions about erection strength and maintenance from woman's POV



## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

I am concerned about a physical issue and I need your advice, please. Here's the situation:

Me - age 41
I get up fine. Unfortunately, maintaining a rock-hard erection has been a challenge. I'm falling down on the job.

My Wife - age 38
She gets her cheeri-Os just everytime. I go down on her nearly every time we do it.

Questions:
1. What are the erection needs of a 38 year old woman?
2. How much does erection strength affect a woman's satisfaction?
3. How big of an issue it is to a woman if this happens 90% of the time?
4. Does she need the full out, rock hard boner from start to finish?


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

if you watch porn that can effect your erection. Have you been a smoker during your lifetime? That effects your cardiovascular system (that's what makes your pen1s work). are you active? ? if not get fit. Drink or take anti-depressant drugs? You need to see a DR.

I stopped the porn habit, got fit (workout 6 days a week) and lost weight and got off anti-depressant drugs. my erections improved greatly and I am 54.


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## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

mel123 said:


> if you watch porn that can effect your erection. Have you been a smoker during your lifetime? That effects your cardiovascular system (that's what makes your pen1s work). are you active? ? if not get fit. Drink or take anti-depressant drugs? You need to see a DR.
> 
> I stopped the porn habit, got fit (workout 6 days a week) and lost weight and got off anti-depressant drugs. my erections improved greatly and I am 54.


I appreciate the response. no porn, never smoked, no meds, i excercise 30 minutes a day andeat well. i went to doc but he was dismissive looking for one that will listen.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My H and i are in our 40's...H is nearly 50. 
He's not always as rock hard as he used to be at 20, although we still have
penetration without any trouble. He's like you... he just can't KEEP it up like he used to. 

Equally not many bits of me are like they were at 20 either...but he loves me anyway. 

We have a fabulous and fun sex life.... getting him hard again is fun and we don't make it feel disappointing in anyway. He tells me if I can get him hard again he's all mine to have fun with.... he's good like that! 

Just keep the lines of communication open, i'm sure your W loves you dearly and would welcome any discussion on your sex life and whether or not your satisfying each other etc.... 

Talk to her...she'll love you for it.

PS: edit to add...if you can't get hard again remember there are many ways to make love.... just have fun!


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Maybe you should be watching porn, I don't believe that is bad for your erection. Excessive masturbating would.

Sugar in you diet can be a problem, what is your weight?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> We have a fabulous and fun sex life.... getting him hard again is fun and we don't make it feel disappointing in anyway. He tells me if I can get him hard again he's all mine to have fun with.... he's good like that!


Now that's a standard I can respect, and hope to expect in 20 yrs time, I just hope my parts can still function by then as well


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> My husband, on realizing it wasn't going to work, would stop and roll over and just go to sleep without a word. Nor would he do anything to help the situation. That method of handling it really altered my reaction to it.


Well... now that, that is an example I don't want to follow lol xD


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Ok I have this same issue and have had it since my vasectomy 14 years ago. I can get very hard but maintaining is an issue. I'm 45 now

Unfortunatly my girlfriend takes it personally. I just need some extra stimulation and I've asked for that and to not make a big deal of it but it always comes out "what's wrong, what dont I turn you on?". Many times just an added hand, talk dirty to me, switch to a BJ, something of the sort will help.

That said what ALWAYS helps is just 2-5 mgs of cialis. Daily dose is a great thing cause your always ready and it actually lasts a couple of days. You get and stay perfectly hard. It's just sometimes I forget to take it and get stuck in that middle ground.

I buy it online at a offshore pharmacy for a fraction of the cost and for about 300 bucks I get a years worth. Side affects are sometimes I get a little headache but other than that nothing.

I'm 45, work out regularly, and eat pretty good.

Ladies if this is happening to your guy just take it in stride. Work at him a bit harder...be a little sexier as it plays with his head. DON'T take it personal or PLEASE don't berate him. Guys just switch positions, ask for a bit more attention and stimulation, just take it in stride. DON'T roll over and ignore.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Maybe you should be watching porn, I don't believe that is bad for your erection. Excessive masturbating would.
> 
> Sugar in you diet can be a problem, what is your weight?


Was thinking the same thing. Nothing wrong with a little porn...just dont go overboard.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I guess it's hard to know exactly how hard you are talking about? Like are you saying so flaccid that you can't get it in? 
As long as its hard enough to do it I don't care. But I have heard that in some positions that could cause damage to the man. 
Usually if he starts to lose it we just do a different position or I give him oral. We aren't 18. It's pretty normal I think for there to be an ebb and flow for a guy, especially if he has a lot of sex. 
If I couldn't get him back up and we had to stop I might be concerned. 
I obviously enjoy it more when he's rock hard but I don't expect it. I guess it is a matter of degrees.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Being afraid you won't keep it up, guarantees you won't. Period. 

You need to rule out physical issues, of course, but start immediately assessing your mental state. Do you feel stressed? Does your mind wander? Is there tension (bad kind) between you and her? 

Even when I was half my age now, those things would kill it faster than a bucket of ice water. For me, forgetting stress, treating my apnea, and not being angry, worried, or tense... works wonders. 

Wife used to be so tight that I felt bruised the next day after a longer session, and an erection hurt like heck. Not even physical pain stopped it. But mental issues sure did.


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## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

waiwera said:


> My H and i are in our 40's...H is nearly 50.
> He's not always as rock hard as he used to be at 20, although we still have
> penetration without any trouble. He's like you... he just can't KEEP it up like he used to.
> 
> ...


I can't thank you enough for the support, advice and encouragement. I'm working on all of it. Hopefully, the new doc will take me seriously and this will all be behind me soon. Even if it is not to be, at least I have a way to cope with it now. Thanks for that


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## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Maybe you should be watching porn, I don't believe that is bad for your erection. Excessive masturbating would.
> 
> Sugar in you diet can be a problem, what is your weight?


LOL! blood sugar is normal. i'm 6' 190 pounds


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

What about testosterone levels?


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## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

wifeofhusband said:


> Being in that age range and having experienced this these are my responses based on my own feelings and experiences. Your wife may be different.
> 
> 1. Nice if it works most of the time.
> 2. It does make a difference. Not that it has to be 'rock hard' but if I like to feel it is secure and going to last.
> ...


I appreciate the direct answers. By 'secure' do you mean that it's not going to slip out or that it's not going to turn totally flacid?

I'll ask new doc about meds. thanks:smthumbup:

Hope she responds well to my interest in dealing with it and can hang in til I get the limp outta the bizquet!


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## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> What about testosterone levels?


I've read about that and plan to ask doc to check it. thanks for the tip.


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## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

Cyclist said:


> Ok I have this same issue and have had it since my vasectomy 14 years ago. I can get very hard but maintaining is an issue. I'm 45 now
> 
> Unfortunatly my girlfriend takes it personally. I just need some extra stimulation and I've asked for that and to not make a big deal of it but it always comes out "what's wrong, what dont I turn you on?". Many times just an added hand, talk dirty to me, switch to a BJ, something of the sort will help.
> 
> ...


Woah! I had the snip snip done a couple of years ago. looking back, I could say there's been a decline since then. Any other guys in this camp?

If you don't mind please send the info for pharmacy.


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## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I guess it's hard to know exactly how hard you are talking about? Like are you saying so flaccid that you can't get it in?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but not always. It's been pretty floppy at times.



diwali123 said:


> As long as its hard enough to do it I don't care. But I have heard that in some positions that could cause damage to the man.
> Usually if he starts to lose it we just do a different position or I give him oral. We aren't 18. It's pretty normal I think for there to be an ebb and flow for a guy, especially if he has a lot of sex.
> 
> If I couldn't get him back up and we had to stop I might be concerned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's happened many times. Should I be concerned about her?



diwali123 said:


> I obviously enjoy it more when he's rock hard but I don't expect it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's been awhile since it's been like that for more than a minute. then it goes down.


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

Flaccid .. that's a great word!


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

I don’t know if it’s true or false, but I have read that a small penis is harder and more ridged than a larger one. The large ones tend to not get as hard and tend to bend and be more rubbery.

Can any of you ladies verify this is true or is it false, in your experiences?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

jaques said:


> Woah! I had the snip snip done a couple of years ago. looking back, I could say there's been a decline since then. Any other guys in this camp?
> 
> If you don't mind please send the info for pharmacy.


Interesting ...my H had the snip 13 years ago.... not long after our 3rd and last child was born.

The 'decline' has been noticeable for about 5-6 years.


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

mel123 said:


> I don’t know if it’s true or false, but I have read that a small penis is harder and more ridged than a larger one. The large ones tend to not get as hard and tend to bend and be more rubbery.
> 
> Can any of you ladies verify this is true or is it false, in your experiences?


Completely untrue.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I've heard the penis referred to as the male dipstick. Apparently, it has the smallest arteries in the body. Any issues with cardio vascular health often show up in the penis first. Obviously a medical check up is the best place to start to identify if you have issues there. 

Other than that I would suggest researching ways to boost testosterone naturally. Google will turn up a ton of suggestions. There are certain supplements (arginine, zinc ect) as well I understand training with heavy weights tends to boost testosterone. It's worth trying.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I've heard the penis referred to as the male dipstick. Apparently, it has the smallest arteries in the body. *Any issues with cardio vascular health often show up in the penis first. Obviously a medical check up is the best place to start to identify if you have issues there. *
> 
> Other than that I would suggest researching ways to boost testosterone naturally. Google will turn up a ton of suggestions. There are certain supplements (arginine, zinc ect) as well I understand training with heavy weights tends to boost testosterone. It's worth trying.


^^^^^^^
The highlighted part is of utmost importance.
One of the first places that gets affected by heart disease in men is in their erections.

If it not staying rock hard then you need to check your doctor.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jaques said:


> Questions:
> 1. What are the erection needs of a 38 year old woman?
> 2. How much does erection strength affect a woman's satisfaction?
> 3. How big of an issue it is to a woman if this happens 90% of the time?
> 4. Does she need the full out, rock hard boner from start to finish?


Very well could be testosterone levels too, or how often your wife is wanting sex with you. My husband couldn't keep up with me, we learned his levels were on the lower end of normal ---he is thin man, and I believe he has always been a lower Test guy.... just his demeanor suggests this....

He was not a candidate for Test therapy, nor do I feel he needed it. He is almost 49 now, I am happy to say, even though he is not as ROCK Hard as his 20's...(if I left him alone for a week, he's be close)...some mornings are darned near ....but still..... it is good enough every time and he is able to last -even up to 20 + minutes if needed once I get him going. But he is not in his 20's anymore...it happens ...

Mornings he inflates the fastest ...as a man's levels are at their peak in the am, after a good nights sleep. With each passing year, a man's Test levels slowly wane ....also a man's estrogen goes just a little higher too . 

Some reasons for a lagging erection:

1. Lower Test levels -Lust is just not as high as it once was
2. Too much sex /masterbation
3. Performance Pressure /anxiety
4. Diabetes
5. Heart disease
6. Loss of attraction /excitement /resentment issues


Sexual Fitness for Men: The Hardness Factor


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

I will try to answer these from my experience. I'm 37 and my wife is 27.

Questions:
1. What are the erection needs of a 38 year old woman?
I don't know since my wife wasn't 38, but wife at 27 demands a rock hard erection everytime.

2. How much does erection strength affect a woman's satisfaction?
My wife did complained sometimes when I was not rock hard but could penetrate, that it would be harder for her to reach orgasm as she didn't feel full.

3. How big of an issue it is to a woman if this happens 90% of the time?
For my wife that would be a big issue, she said to me that she's afraid that she was the problem when I lose my erection in the middle of penetration twice. Since I was HD. 
She was the problem, as I already post a topic about it, though not the same problem as she feared. She was afraid that I was cheating or I though she was not sexy enough (as she gained weight after child birth).

4. Does she need the full out, rock hard boner from start to finish?
Well, answers no.2 did quite answer this.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

jaques, I am a 51 yr old man.

Get your T checked, both the total and the free testosterone levels. Ask the doc for the exact numbers, and look to see how those are on the "normal" scale. In my opinion the normal scale is only a general guess, so if you are near the low end it could be you need a bump in T. Replacement therapy is expensive as hell, so perhaps a non-pharma method might help. If you get to that point post back here or look around the web for ideas.

I started T therapy recently at a low dose and it does help the strength and durability of erections. I don't know yet if it is going to replace using Staxyn (a quick acting version of Levitra). Given the cost even after insurance, I am not going to stay with the T therapy if there is any other option. The Staxyn is an excellent med for me, so if the T therapy doesn't cause other great improvements in other aspects of my health, I will happily stay with just the Staxyn.

Definitely get a very thorough workup with a good doc. Cardio vascular disease, diabetes, prostate issues, etc.

After about age 40 the skin sensitivity on the penis can decline, making it difficult to get or stay hard. Normal aging of the prostate and cardio vascular system can cause issues. So it is a normal thing to have the difficulties you are experiencing, as long as there isn't some other underlying serious health issue.

A light dose of one of the ED meds might be just what you need. The small Cialis daily dose as mentioned by someone else.

You might find helpful info over on pegym.com forums


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