# So Unhappy && Unsure What To Do ...



## IWantItToWork (Apr 16, 2010)

My husband & I have been together for almost 8 years (married for almost 4) now. We were high school sweethearts (both still very young). We have a little boy that will be 3 in June. We have never been the "ideal" couple. We have always fought and had different views on just about every aspect of life but we loved each other so much that it never mattered. Over the past 6 months things have gotten worse though. We have become very distant from each other & very unhappy with each other. There has been a lot of arguing & verbal abuse (on both sides). We are pretty much just living like roommates instead of husband & wife. I feel like everything that we talk about or do together lacks any emotion. It has been made very clear lately that we both want different things out of life & the people that we are turning into DO NOT work together. I've spent the past couple of months trying harder than I have ever tried to make us work. I've tried to change into the person that he thinks I should be but he still isn't satisfied. I've also been hearing from friends & his co-workers that he is unhappy & has talked about ending our marriage. I'm not sure what to do? Part of me wonders if there is another woman? Maybe somebody else he wishes that I was sometimes? I'm not sure. All I know is I am very unhappy & I feel like it isn't fair.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Please do not make up your mind that your greatest chance for happiness, and the best chance for your son's happiness, lies in continuing the marriage. Ask yourself instead, WILL this marriage contribute to the greatest possible happiness for all of us, or is it possible that we could be better off--and our son better off-divorcing now before anything gets worse?

As you try to answer that question, start counseling, because the arguing and verbal abuse are bad for your son. Do not use money as an excuse to avoid counseling--this is your son's future and yours you are talking about. Nothing is more important. The counseling may help the marriage, or it may help you both realize it is time to go separate ways--but if you reach that conclusion together, your son will benefit greatly. Right now you are heading toward bad stuff--affairs and mutual hatred. THAT will be worse for you son than anything. Good luck.


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## IWantItToWork (Apr 16, 2010)

Thank you so much for your response. I agree that we do need counseling & the question about happiness is mainly what I've been struggling with lately. I've been raised to believe that divorce is not an option but I feel like our happiness is what is best for our son!!!


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## del88 (Mar 24, 2010)

If you're not happy in your relationsip, your son will see that and it will, in turn affect him. If being separated or divorce is what it takes for you to be happy, then I think in the long run, your son will be better off, too.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

I can relate on some level. Have you check out the Marriage Builder website? If not, I would suggest that you and your H takes time to fill out the questioners they got there about Emotional Needs and Love Busters. It will help you both identifying what each of you really needs emotionally and what is the Love Busters that you are doing. Counseling as Sisters said is a good step too. All the best.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

It's hard to see great love dying without being able to do anything to save it
IWantItToWork you need to sit down and talk like two mature persons to put on table everything you like or dislike in one another to see if you can work things out
Differences exist between people and that's what makes each one special you don't need to be what he wants you to be you need to be yourself he needs to be himself you both need to appreciate differences in one another and find common things that you can share together in your life whether they are activities or thoughts or hobbies.....
if you can't communicate in a fair way find a third part
because you lack the communication skills and respect to each other and the luck of anyone of them is a love killer and destructive to a happy relationship 
I guaranty the love can come back and grow when you just allow it and open the gate for it and nurture it BUT it needs the two of you to work for your relationship

I also agree with sisters359 to do counseling because if you don't learn how to communicate and respect and manage your anger both of you, you won't be able to succeed in future relationships even if you got divorced plus you need to create a healthy climate for your son
Good that you are trying hopefully you can make a change don't give up

About doubting the presence of another woman it's a possibility but it's very easy to doubt when things worsen in a relationship and you are distanced from each other
Before letting doubt feel your head with destructing thoughts try to take a wise look to your relationship 
When it started to change
How it changed
and what was the reason of the change
when you find the answers you will know where to put your effort 

Good Luck


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