# can't seem to make him happy...



## unhappy (Nov 14, 2009)

Hi! I'm a newbie here and in need of advices... Thanks in advance.

My husband and I have been married for 1 yr and 8 mos. now and moved in to another country (mainly because of this insane danish marriage laws for foreigners) for us to be together. Everything went out smoothly at first, but then, it changed... I notice that my husband is constantly complaining about me which always starts a fight and an attempt to divorce. He complains about me being contented with my life, with my simple goals, and that I don't have social life. The thing is I have no choice but to start all over again and learn their language here (which is a must!) to have a work, and "a life" (which he wants me to have). He also told me that we don't have much things in common since my knowledge is limited and that when he comes home from work we couldn't really talk. It is hurting me a lot. I feel so small and incompetent. I do think that I am doing a great job of being a wife, taking care of him and doing stuffs here at home, but it seems like I'm too far from pleasing him. I am getting tired and frustrated but I can't bear the thought of "divorce".

I need peace of mind...


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Sounds like you 2 should not have gotten married. Seems your views are off and it won't get better. I would cut your losses and leave.. There are things he expects that are more of his wants from you and nothing to do with the marriage. He wants you to be a different person..


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

:iagree:

If he cannot appreciate you for who you are, it will be hard for you to be happy within this marriage. 

Sorry you are going through this.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

How long did you date before you got married? Was this a long-distance thing? It does sound as though he didn't get to know you very well before you married. And it sounds as though he expects you to be his entertainment instead of his mate... OR, is he really saying that you are too clingy and he needs some space?

Can you provide more information?


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## dawnie (Nov 17, 2009)

If I understand this right, you've moved to Denmark? Or is it that you are Danish and have moved to another country? Either way, it's a tough task learning a new language, let alone the social system, customs, etc. I'm also very sorry you're going through this. You have to ask yourself, is it really ever going to be possible to be happy within this type of marriage? 

Besides all o that, his belittling you has to stop. It borders on verbal abuse when the tone of voice and words spoken makes the other person feel small, hurt, stupid or incompetent. He must stop speaking to you this way. It is disrespectful. Every person deserves to be spoken to with respect, kindness and caring, especially so in a marriage. I'm concerned he will get worse and the verbal outbursts will get worse. If he's already threatened you with divorce, then perhaps you should give it to him. I'm so sorry... what a painful thing to be going through, especially in a country not familiar to you. 

Can you find a support group for people in your situation? Foreign or not, there are people who can help you. Even in a foreign country you have rights!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i'm working very hard on appreciating what my wife does do and worrying less about what i think she should do but doesn't. he seems to enjoy harping on your faults (we all have them) and less interested in appreciating who you are.

of course there could be details here we havent been made aware of that are affecting his behavior, he could be harbouring some resentment for reasons you aren't aware of


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