# My husband seems jealous of our baby



## Trawickshaw (Jul 22, 2009)

I have a 9 month old daughter and she was a surprise. Although a wonderful one. My husband wasn't happy about it until she was born. Now he loves her so much. I'm not sure if he still resents me for it though. He always says that he's not happy. That we have problems. But doesn't really say anything more than that. He said that I don't balance him and that baby well. But I feel like I do an amazing job at that. He's deployed right now, and I have tried so hard to keep him included in everything. Before he left I would do his laundry, clean the house, take care of the bills, make dinner, get a baby sitter so we could go out 2 time a month, I panned a special anniversary dinner because we weren't actually going to be together for our anniversary, I've also been planning a trip to Spain for us full of things he wants to do. I even convinced my mom to come out to babysit. And that ticket cost her $1000! While he's been away I've sent him care packages, and posted hundreds of pictures and videos all to help him feel included. He normally gets sex 2-3 times a week! I'm just not sure what else I can do! He can be so mean when he gets mad. Like this last fight we had he told me that he didn't miss me, that he was happier down there and that he missed me more the last time he was gone. That hurt so much! It makes me feel like it doesn't matter what I do, it's never going to be enough. Any suggestions on how to improve this situation would be great.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Cancel the expensive efforts! Throwing money at the problem won't make it better. 

You both need to work on yourselves. Don't neglect the baby, but the marriage needs to come first! 

Naturally men get jealous of new babies -- they take up a lot of mom's time often leaving little for her man.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Trawickshaw said:


> He always says that he's not happy. That we have problems. But doesn't really say anything more than that. He said that I don't balance him and that baby well.
> ~~~~ I'd ask him for more details on this as he may be trying to tell you he does not want to be married.
> 
> Any suggestions on how to improve this situation would be great.


Spend your money on therapy, not a trip, you and your husband are going to have to communicate better to see if this marriage is workable.
From what you wrote, I dont think he's jealous of the baby, he just doesn't want to me married, to you.


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## kozzy (Jul 2, 2009)

There isn't much here to go on. You describe a husband who's clearly resentful about something (or some things), and then describe all the things you do to quell the resent. But what is he actually resentful about? Is it lack of attention as you imply? Sounds like you address that incredibly well for someone with a 9 month old. 

I think you need to have a heart to heart talk with him and find out what the real problem is.


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