# What makes a man feel loved: True?



## firebelly1

I was reading a (non-Cosmopolitan) article titled "5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved" and wondering how many men here at TAM would relate:

1. Get to know me.

One of the most beautiful gifts I have discovered that I am able to give another is my full presence. To listen and observe and show them that I see them, really see them and appreciate who they are and what they bring forward. To give this kind of attention to a woman can be like watching a flower blossom in real time.

There is no experience I have ever had that is quite like being truly seen and heard in the moment. I want to give that and I want to receive it. If you wish to be memorable to me, if you want to inspire my unending devotion, then get to know me—see me, hear me and let me know you see me.

I am certain you would be surprised by the levels of depth and tenderness that we men can contain within us and sometimes hide from the world because we aren’t yet sure how it will be received.

2. Enjoy the way I move.

As a man one of the biggest sources of joy for me is in using my body to get stuff done somehow. Whether it’s chopping wood, carrying stuff around, playing sports, martial arts, rock climbing, running through the forest or some other activity, I feel the most alive when my body is being used.

Move with me, watch me and enjoy me. Let me know you like it. Tell me I’m sexy when I move and you will stir my passions into a frenzy. As a woman I know you are probably pretty used to people admiring and complementing you for your physicality. As a man I am a lot less used to it and it can really mean a lot to me.

3. Tell me how I impact you.

If you have butterflies in your stomach when you are with me, if your heart beats a little faster when I say or do something, if kissing me turns you on—then tell me. Tell me how you feel when you are with me and I will feel closer to you, so much closer. I want to know that I mean something and that me being in the world changes your experience of it.

I can remember every single time a woman has shared this with me, it means that much.

4. Follow me into my cave.

There are going to be times when the world overwhelms me, when I feel incapable, when something hurts and my natural instinct is to withdraw and be alone.

I’m told as a man that I have to do it on my own, that I have to be strong and confident and never show my weaknesses. So in times of difficulty I will retreat, and if you really care about me then don’t leave me alone. Come and see me, call me, check in on me and ask if I am okay.

Don’t be surprised if I don’t want to talk. Don’t think that means I want you to go away though. Just be there for me. Maybe all I need is to be held and to know that you wont leave me if I can’t do it all. We all need to be held sometimes. And if you stay with me, if you show me that it’s okay for me to be vulnerable I might open up and tell you.

This is not going to be an easy thing to do, so please be patient. You will probably be rewarded with my undying loyalty. We men never forget those who are there for us in times of difficulty.

5. Talk about “stuff” with me sometimes.

As men and women we perceive the world differently, and that difference is a beautiful thing.

Your world is more feeling based, subtle and dynamic, prone to rapid changes in a way that boggles me at times. I’m doing my best to follow you, learn about you and enjoy the unique way you are.

And sometimes I want to talk about “stuff” with you. Depending on who I am is going to determine what that stuff is—it may be extreme sports, martial arts or the latest spiritual philosophy I have been studying, yet I want to talk about the details of it.

Indulge me! Ask questions and maybe even debate about it with me. I will probably get really excited in a way that might be confusing to you. This is a part of me as a man and I want to share it with you as much as I do everything else. Even better is to tell me you enjoy it when I talk about this stuff.

(Although be careful: saying this will be a signal for me to do more of it!)


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## firebelly1

Hehe. I knew I'd get SOME eye rolling. Nope - it's written by a heterosexual man.


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## Catherine602

Sounds romantic, like a woman wrote it. Not that women cant know what makes a man feel loved but vanishingly few can hit 5 out of 5 of them and only 1 in a million can write about. 

Follow him into the man cave, probably bad advice. That's the point of the man cave, it's an exclusive club, invitation only. Some TAM men don't want women on threads in the Men's Clubhouse and it's a public forum. Just imagine how a man feels about his sanctuary. 

Admire his moves, well maybe some moves but in general, I don't think so. Admire the output seems more on target. 

Talk about stuff. Depends on whose stuff. "Don't talk, listen to my stuff with open mind" seems closer to something a man would like, maybe? 

I'll give this a 25 on a scale of 100. Not bad considering that the score is usually less than 1.


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## Entropy3000

Catherine602 said:


> Sounds romantic, like a woman wrote it. Not that women cant know what makes a man feel loved but vanishingly few can hit 5 out of 5 of them and only 1 in a million can write about.
> 
> Follow him into the man cave, probably bad advice. That's the point of the man cave, it's an exclusive club, invitation only. Some TAM men don't want women on threads in the Men's Clubhouse and it's a public forum. Just imagine how a man feels about his sanctuary.
> 
> Admire his moves, well maybe some moves but in general, I don't think so. Admire the output seems more on target.
> 
> Talk about stuff. Depends on whose stuff. Don't talk listen to my stuff with open mind, maybe?
> 
> I'll give this a 25 on a scale of 100. Not bad given that the score is usually less than 1.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## firebelly1

Yeah - there were some comments on the article itself from readers who said the same thing - proceed with caution. When your man is in his cave, better to ask if he wants company or wants to be alone and then, if he wants to be alone, to let him know that you are there to support him in any way he needs it. Then leave him to it. 

I wonder about the advice to verbally express to a man appreciation for his body - I love the male body. When I've verbally expressed that, most men are like "What? Men's bodies aren't good to look at - women are the beautiful ones." And I"m like "Are you kidding?" In a woman we would call that low self-esteem or body dysmorphia.


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## Caribbean Man

I don't know what makes other feel loved, but I can speak for myself.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

I doesn't matter how , pretty , sexy , smart, or whatever. If there isn't a foundation of respect, I'll walk.

I can only feel loved when there is genuine respect for me first.


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## firebelly1

Caribbean Man said:


> I don't know what makes other feel loved, but I can speak for myself.
> 
> R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
> 
> I doesn't matter how , pretty , sexy , smart, or whatever. If there isn't a foundation of respect, I'll walk.
> 
> I can only feel loved when there is genuine respect for me first.


How does a woman demonstrate respect for you?


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## Caribbean Man

firebelly1 said:


> How does a woman demonstrate respect for you?


By treating me exactly like how she would like to be treated.

She wants genuine acceptance despite her failings.
She wants to be loved in spite of her idiosyncrasies.
She wants to be loved for exactly who she is.


Understanding that I want the exact , same things and more , and a genuine willingness to meet my needs is how I define respect.

_" Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.."_ To me, this is the basis of respect in relationships.


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## john117

Empathy. Forget sex, forget romance. Just feel things the way I do.

I'm working on repainting some bedrooms. After I started taping baseboards last night I laid down in bed to rest for a few min at 10pm. Woke up today at 7 am 

An empathic person will comprehend that I had a lot of things to do and did them based on priorities... And that I'm older than used to be. A non empathic person will simply see that I just fell asleep. 

This morning a few choice metaphors helped convey the message that I'm not 35 years old any more and that most things take more time at 55. It would have been much preferable for her to realize the same and be done with it but empathy is a valuable commodity around here...


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## StarTrekFan

I really don't care for items #2 - 5. However the first point "Getting to Know me" is what would make me feel loved and appreciated.


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## firebelly1

I hear you guys saying that the most important thing is that she fully understand you and appreciate you for all that you are. Which is exactly what women want too.


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## NobodySpecial

Caribbean Man said:


> By treating me exactly like how she would like to be treated.
> 
> She wants genuine acceptance despite her failings.
> She wants to be loved in spite of her idiosyncrasies.
> She wants to be loved for exactly who she is.
> 
> 
> Understanding that I want the exact , same things and more , and a genuine willingness to meet my needs is how I define respect.
> 
> _" Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.."_ To me, this is the basis of respect in relationships.


I think that this is right. Except do unto others as they would have you do unto them is closer. But the expression seems frequently to come down to sex. Not monkey lust. But the acceptance of his body into mine. The complete openness of me allowing him into all of me. I think my husband feels loved when I acknowledge about him what is valuable. When I show that I am committed to him, not because we are married and have a slip of paper, but because of who he is. And then when I open up myself to him, he is home.


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## Wolf1974

For me it's is respect, appreciation and interest. First two are obvious but often overlooked in relationships. Interest seems to be the hardest one to come by. All to often women I meet will talk your ear off about their day and life but won't let you get an word in edge wise about yours. For all the things my GF did right that caught me the one that spun my head around was these 4 words "how was your day". It had been years since anyone asked me that and genuinely wanted to know.


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## NobodySpecial

Wolf1974 said:


> For me it's is respect, appreciation and interest. First two are obvious but often overlooked in relationships. Interest seems to be the hardest one to come by. All to often women I meet will talk your ear off about their day and life but won't let you get an word in edge wise about yours. For all the things my GF did right that caught me the one that spun my head around was these 4 words "how was your day". It had been years since anyone asked me that and genuinely wanted to know.


Far be it from me to agree with a guy speaking about what a guy wants and feels. But I can say that this is true for my husband as well. I don't share a lot of his interests. We have over lap in terms of tech and stuff. But he has interests that I don't share. When I listen to what he is doing, it makes him feel cared for.


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## firebelly1

Wolf - when a woman asks about your day, what part of it do you want to tell her? What I want to hear when I ask my man about his day is the emotional part of it - any frustrations he encountered with his boss or coworkers? Is there a project he's excited about? Does he feel valued, etc. When I used to ask my stbxh about his day he would start telling me the technical details of something he was working on - he was an electrician. I had no frame of reference, and he wasn't good at getting how his stories came across to other people and I would TRY to listen and understand but soon get bored. And he never asked about my day. Maybe he had asked at some point and he got the emotional answer I would tend to give and had the same reaction I did - boredom / overwhelm.


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## Shoto1984

I was working outside today...a very hot day at that and my neighbor was out too. He was cutting his lawn, edging, trimming trees etc. The lots are an acre so not a small job. His wife came out twice to bring him a huge cup of some beverage. The second time with a plate of food. Both times he was told how great the yard looked. Now that's a small thing but it says she's aware of his effort, appreciates him and is there to support him. I never had this in my marriage and so it struck a cord with me. I think its part of a man feeling loved.


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## richie33

Respect....so important. I come home after working the night shift to most days to a wife with a long face and such disappointment in her eyes for me. This has gone on too long....3 years. She wonders why I don't want to listen to her anymore.


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## Wolf1974

firebelly1 said:


> Wolf - when a woman asks about your day, what part of it do you want to tell her? What I want to hear when I ask my man about his day is the emotional part of it - any frustrations he encountered with his boss or coworkers? Is there a project he's excited about? Does he feel valued, etc. When I used to ask my stbxh about his day he would start telling me the technical details of something he was working on - he was an electrician. I had no frame of reference, and he wasn't good at getting how his stories came across to other people and I would TRY to listen and understand but soon get bored. And he never asked about my day. Maybe he had asked at some point and he got the emotional answer I would tend to give and had the same reaction I did - boredom / overwhelm.


Well when I ask someone about their day whatever the answer is I should be expected to listen...after all I asked the question. So if she tells me about emotional stuff or technical stuff I asked so I listen. 

I expect the exact same in return. Many men are passionate about the technical stuff and I rarely get passionate about emotional stuff at work cause it has no place at my job. But in my personal experience, prior to my GF, I wouldn't even get asked about my day, my family, my friends, my interests. It was always about her her her. As the tolby keith song goes "sometimes I want to talk about me"


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## Sunburn

Who the **** wrote that?

Want to make me feel loved? Show some respect and affection, .........reciprocate. I'm not talking about my slippers at the door, a whiskey and quick BJ, just come up and hug me spontaneously.


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## ocotillo

I would say empathy. The number of women I've run across who seem to honestly believe that being a man is just like being a woman only without a monthly period is legion.


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## RClawson

Caribbean Man said:


> I don't know what makes other feel loved, but I can speak for myself.
> 
> R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
> 
> I doesn't matter how , pretty , sexy , smart, or whatever. If there isn't a foundation of respect, I'll walk.
> 
> I can only feel loved when there is genuine respect for me first.


I really did not know how to respond to this thread until I saw your post CM. Hit me like a ton of bricks.


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## john117

Respect is multifaceted like intelligence, and conveniently hard to quantify. And if you went by respect alone I would have the perfect marriage.

Since I don't have the perfect marriage let's just say I have my doubts about respect....


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## Forest

Devotion seems like a pretty simple way to get the point across.


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## firebelly1

john117 said:


> Respect is multifaceted like intelligence, and conveniently hard to quantify. And if you went by respect alone I would have the perfect marriage.
> 
> Since I don't have the perfect marriage let's just say I have my doubts about respect....


I agree John - I think we each have our own definition of what it means to be treated with respect. For me it equates to being considerate - respect my time, respect my energy levels, etc.


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## soulseer

Caribbean Man said:


> I can only feel loved when there is genuine respect for me first.


Pretty much my view..

I am a 'sensitive' guy who is in touch with my emotions and I also found the OP a little bit flowery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CluelessWif

firebelly1 said:


> 4. Follow me into my cave.
> 
> There are going to be times when the world overwhelms me, when I feel incapable, when something hurts and my natural instinct is to withdraw and be alone.
> 
> I’m told as a man that I have to do it on my own, that I have to be strong and confident and never show my weaknesses. So in times of difficulty I will retreat, and if you really care about me then don’t leave me alone. Come and see me, call me, check in on me and ask if I am okay.
> 
> Don’t be surprised if I don’t want to talk. Don’t think that means I want you to go away though. Just be there for me. Maybe all I need is to be held and to know that you wont leave me if I can’t do it all. We all need to be held sometimes. And if you stay with me, if you show me that it’s okay for me to be vulnerable I might open up and tell you.
> 
> This is not going to be an easy thing to do, so please be patient. You will probably be rewarded with my undying loyalty. We men never forget those who are there for us in times of difficulty.


So true. The truest. At least in our relationship. I asked my husband about how he was feeling (a close family member is going through end stage terminal cancer) and after we talked he grinned at me. Said he saw a meme on Facebook that said "the hard part of being strong is that nobody asks how you're doing." He said he knew that was bull****.

I treasure my treks into man cave. When you are married to a traditional Red Forman kind of man the man cave is the place of realism.


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## Jetranger

firebelly1 said:


> 1. Get to know me.


I agree with this. We have inner thoughts and feelings and fears and insecurities. Ask about them, remember them, and keep them secret.




> 2. Enjoy the way I move.


I’m not sure I get this. “Oh yeah baby, you looked so hot taking out the garbage/carrying the ladder out to the garage/carrying your bike up those steps.”. Maybe it’s me, but I can’t imagine how on earth to say that in a way that won’t feel cheesy, forced, and false. A simple ‘looking good’ and grin/slap on the butt would be pushing it, I think, in trying to accomplish this one.



> 3. Tell me how I impact you.


The language is flowery and stifles the meaning. I’ve told a girl that all through all the crap life throws at you, all the stress and problems, I look forward to right now, when we’re just lying here snuggled up, and I don’t want it to end. It’s like: it’s obviously something I enjoy doing with you, but you might not realize just how much until I tell you.

This is what he means, I think. "I love it when you..."



> 4. Follow me into my cave.


This is a really tricky one. Much of the time I’d go away is because I want to be alone. If she follows it’s a delicate thing to judge whether I want to be alone or want her to be there but not say anything. The end result he describes: she is resting against him and he is ruminating and perhaps sharing it, is great, but this ignores the fact the men generally do just need space sometimes.



> 5. Talk about “stuff” with me sometimes.


Aka: Take an interest in my interests, and vice versa.


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## sinnister

intheory said:


> This feels like it was written by a woman.
> 
> Lovely to read, either way.


I was right about to post that.

I dont think most men think this way. At least I don't.


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## sinnister

Shoto1984 said:


> I was working outside today...a very hot day at that and my neighbor was out too. He was cutting his lawn, edging, trimming trees etc. The lots are an acre so not a small job. His wife came out twice to bring him a huge cup of some beverage. The second time with a plate of food. Both times he was told how great the yard looked. Now that's a small thing but it says she's aware of his effort, appreciates him and is there to support him. I never had this in my marriage and so it struck a cord with me. I think its part of a man feeling loved.


So true. That women clearly loves her man. 

I have never had anything close to that. Sad.


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## Deejo

Sandwiches. Delivered in lingerie.


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## lookinforhelpandhope

sinnister said:


> So true. That women clearly loves her man.
> 
> I have never had anything close to that. Sad.


Sinniser, sad thing is I used to do stuff like that for my ex all the time.

Small but thoughtful gestures. It was never appreciated.


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## Deejo

On the serious side?

1. Respect

2. Occasional acknowledgment of admiration.

3. Contact. Touch me.

4. Say you love me without uttering a word. Could be a smile, could be a simple small gesture. Could be a look across the room.

5. Make it clear to me how you want to be loved. Be open, be honest, be vulnerable.


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## Catherine602

What is respect to a man. Can you guys say what you consider a show of respect. Which of the many ways of showing respect do you consider most important?


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## committed4ever

Deejo said:


> On the serious side?
> 
> 1. Respect
> 
> 2. Occasional acknowledgment of admiration.
> 
> 3. Contact. Touch me.
> 
> 4. Say you love me without uttering a word. Could be a smile, could be a simple small gesture. Could be a look across the room.
> 
> 5. Make it clear to me how you want to be loved. Be open, be honest, be vulnerable.


1 through 3 would be my H's list, except he would flip 2 and 3, and drop the word "occasional". He would be ok with 4 but would want to hear it and 'see' it. No. 5 he just seems to know instinctively because he sure gets it right! And he knows it too!


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## Wolf1974

Catherine602 said:


> What is respect to a man. Can you guys say what you consider a show of respect. Which of the many ways of showing respect do you consider most important?


I'm sure it's subjective to different people but to me respect is all about being heard and listened to. I need to know that my wants, desires, thoughts, feelings, hopes are being listened to and respected and not just overlooked for hers. 

I want to know that we are a partnership not just a hey this is my life, you fit into it here, anything you want outside this box is not acceptable. Been told this a few times.

I need to be respected as a protector. I'm a very strong male personality and protect by nature. I show my affection for some one through this. So if I say hey it's not safe for you to be that part of town at night that should be heard. The loose translation is: I'm 6'0" 205lbs and always armed, trained in martial arts,and police officer for 14 years and I wouldn't go to that part of town without backup lol.


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## murphy5

IN MODERATION, that stuff could be good. But all the time, you would be smothering him. 

Guys want female companionship SOME OF THE TIME. Other times, like hunting, fishing, battling bears in the woods, battling bears on Wall Street....they need to just know you will be there later on to support them.


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## tech-novelist

Respect, admiration, touch. All of these, especially the last, have a lot of different aspects.


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## Deejo

committed4ever said:


> 1 through 3 would be my H's list, except he would flip 2 and 3, and drop the word "occasional". He would be ok with 4 but would want to hear it and 'see' it. No. 5 he just seems to know instinctively because he sure gets it right! And he knows it too!


I chose to use occasional because I distinctly want a partner rather than a sycophant.

Bringing me a sandwich in lingerie also qualifies as #4.

Felt compelled to add #5 because the only thing worse than not knowing, is thinking you do know ... only to discover you got it all wrong.


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## EasyPartner

Deejo said:


> I chose to use occasional because I distinctly want a partner rather than a sycophant.
> 
> Bringing me a sandwich in lingerie also qualifies as #4.
> 
> Felt compelled to add #5 because the only thing worse than not knowing, is thinking you do know ... only to discover you got it all wrong.


^^^ So. True.


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## committed4ever

Deejo said:


> I chose to use occasional because I distinctly want a partner rather than a sycophant.
> 
> Bringing me a sandwich in lingerie also qualifies as #4.
> 
> Felt compelled to add #5 because the only thing worse than not knowing, is thinking you do know ... only to discover you got it all wrong.


I had to look up sycophant. So I see what you mean.

Trying to figure out the sammich and lingerie thing. I thought men wanted the sammich AFTER sex? But if you just had sex, why put on lingerie?

My H prefers a steak served in lingerie, then ... and then maybe a sammich afterward for a snack. By then the lingerie is under the bed somewhere.


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## love=pain

I thought we went over this before isn't a steak for dinner and daily bj's the best way to show a man you love him?

Maybe a massage or a lap dance always like those from my wife.

Wait there is a new commercial for some auto parts store that states after the husband fixes the wife's car she now leaves the toilet seat *up* for him that sounds like love to me for sure.


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## love=pain

Deejo said:


> On the serious side?
> 
> 1. Respect Yeah now go get me a beer
> 
> 2. Occasional acknowledgment of admiration. Anytime you want to sit naked at my feet and admire me feel free
> 
> 3. Contact. Touch me. Oh yeah up and down just like that maybe a little faster
> 
> 4. Say you love me without uttering a word. Could be a smile, could be a simple small gesture. Could be a look across the room. Could be you dropping to your knees
> 
> 5. Make it clear to me how you want to be loved. Be open, be honest, be vulnerable. I always like a screamer the louder the better Yeah baby!


This look into what really goes through a man's mind but he knows if he says it he may get slapped comes from a closet caveman who got slapped one too many times and learned his lesson (well maybe)


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## jld

You are too funny, love=pain.


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## love=pain

jld said:


> You are too funny, love=pain.


Hey I am here all week try the veal.

It's probably more like lack of sleep and too many energy drinks today.


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## jld

Get some sleep and stick to water!


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## karole

I asked my husband what makes him feel loved? His answer, "Sex, lots and lots of sex!" LOL


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## love=pain

jld said:


> Get some sleep and stick to water!


Wish I could having one of those stretches where sleep is not my friend maybe July will be better


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## Jetranger

love=pain said:


> I always like a screamer the louder the better Yeah baby!


I got a sweater for Christmas, but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer.


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## love=pain

testpilot21 said:


> I got a sweater for Christmas, but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer.


How does a woman make a man moan?

She hides the remote

How does a woman make a man scream?

She tells him she just bought a 12" strap on and is on her way home


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## SimplyAmorous

firebelly1 said:


> Hehe. I knew I'd get SOME eye rolling. Nope -* it's written by a heterosexual man*.


Well I am going to be the weird woman out here.. and say.. this article would capture MUCH of how my Husband feels..(though I didn't read it to him to ask)... I am going to say.... whomever wrote it - is very much geared like the man I married... and it's obvious this is a more Romantic sentimental man who is deeply in love or cherishes his time & communication with his wife...

Much talk about Caves here.. when I 1st read "*Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus*" many moons ago, I thought to myself.. "well my Husband isn't like that AT ALL !!!"... he even said to me once...""If I had a cave, I would want you in it".. 
Very touching..and I am thrilled he is THIS WAY... I love those type of men!

I get a bit annoyed when people assume men are too feminine just because they are Romantic , good listeners and enjoy spending time with their wives over hanging out with the boys... Screw that!! 

There is nothing wrong with such things... so long as he is not a whiner, a cry baby or seeks to have a woman taking care of him, like he is "incapable" ..ya know.. this would be very very unattractive....and we'd loose respect for such a man.

I just asked him this question.. he says "you do Baby" .. then he said "Food and Sex" (one of those simple men I know).... I remember another time -a similar question was asked on here and he answered ...me wanting to spend time with him, how important that was... I can't say he cares about me DEBATING him (I am the one who loves that !!).. but we get off on bantering with each other....

We talked about Respect and love once...and he feels they are the same thing.. even though they aren't really.. But yes, he needs my respect .. of course.


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## DoF

Again, narrowing down go 5 bullet points is NOT enough to cover WIDE VARIETY and COMPLEXITY of man (or woman).


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## Deejo

DoF said:


> Again, narrowing down go 5 bullet points is NOT enough to cover WIDE VARIETY and COMPLEXITY of man (or woman).


Exactly, which is why I sum up with ... sammiches, or steak, take your pick.

There are often at the least core elements that need to be in place to feel, and express love.


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## firebelly1

Deejo - your comment makes me wonder how much a man feels loved when his woman cooks for him (as long as she's a decent cook )


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## heartsbeating

firebelly1 said:


> Deejo - your comment makes me wonder how much a man feels loved when his woman cooks for him (as long as she's a decent cook )


Even being a non-decent cook makes my husband feel loved lol. It's the love and care that went into the food that matters. 


And the knowledge that pizza can always be delivered.


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## CuddleBug

firebelly1 said:


> I was reading a (non-Cosmopolitan) article titled "5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved" and wondering how many men here at TAM would relate:
> 
> 1. Get to know me.
> 
> One of the most beautiful gifts I have discovered that I am able to give another is my full presence. To listen and observe and show them that I see them, really see them and appreciate who they are and what they bring forward. To give this kind of attention to a woman can be like watching a flower blossom in real time.
> 
> There is no experience I have ever had that is quite like being truly seen and heard in the moment. I want to give that and I want to receive it. If you wish to be memorable to me, if you want to inspire my unending devotion, then get to know me—see me, hear me and let me know you see me.
> 
> I am certain you would be surprised by the levels of depth and tenderness that we men can contain within us and sometimes hide from the world because we aren’t yet sure how it will be received.
> 
> 2. Enjoy the way I move.
> 
> As a man one of the biggest sources of joy for me is in using my body to get stuff done somehow. Whether it’s chopping wood, carrying stuff around, playing sports, martial arts, rock climbing, running through the forest or some other activity, I feel the most alive when my body is being used.
> 
> Move with me, watch me and enjoy me. Let me know you like it. Tell me I’m sexy when I move and you will stir my passions into a frenzy. As a woman I know you are probably pretty used to people admiring and complementing you for your physicality. As a man I am a lot less used to it and it can really mean a lot to me.
> 
> 3. Tell me how I impact you.
> 
> If you have butterflies in your stomach when you are with me, if your heart beats a little faster when I say or do something, if kissing me turns you on—then tell me. Tell me how you feel when you are with me and I will feel closer to you, so much closer. I want to know that I mean something and that me being in the world changes your experience of it.
> 
> I can remember every single time a woman has shared this with me, it means that much.
> 
> 4. Follow me into my cave.
> 
> There are going to be times when the world overwhelms me, when I feel incapable, when something hurts and my natural instinct is to withdraw and be alone.
> 
> I’m told as a man that I have to do it on my own, that I have to be strong and confident and never show my weaknesses. So in times of difficulty I will retreat, and if you really care about me then don’t leave me alone. Come and see me, call me, check in on me and ask if I am okay.
> 
> Don’t be surprised if I don’t want to talk. Don’t think that means I want you to go away though. Just be there for me. Maybe all I need is to be held and to know that you wont leave me if I can’t do it all. We all need to be held sometimes. And if you stay with me, if you show me that it’s okay for me to be vulnerable I might open up and tell you.
> 
> This is not going to be an easy thing to do, so please be patient. You will probably be rewarded with my undying loyalty. We men never forget those who are there for us in times of difficulty.
> 
> 5. Talk about “stuff” with me sometimes.
> 
> As men and women we perceive the world differently, and that difference is a beautiful thing.
> 
> Your world is more feeling based, subtle and dynamic, prone to rapid changes in a way that boggles me at times. I’m doing my best to follow you, learn about you and enjoy the unique way you are.
> 
> And sometimes I want to talk about “stuff” with you. Depending on who I am is going to determine what that stuff is—it may be extreme sports, martial arts or the latest spiritual philosophy I have been studying, yet I want to talk about the details of it.
> 
> Indulge me! Ask questions and maybe even debate about it with me. I will probably get really excited in a way that might be confusing to you. This is a part of me as a man and I want to share it with you as much as I do everything else. Even better is to tell me you enjoy it when I talk about this stuff.
> 
> (Although be careful: saying this will be a signal for me to do more of it!)



Speaking only for myself, a HD adventurous guy, I would say:

- a wifee that also is HD adventurous and we compliment each other.

- loves to cuddle naked and sleep all night like that

- lots of hugs and passionate wet kisses

- takes care of herself

- wears sexy outfits, in general and in the bedroom.....


Since I am Physical rating 12 for the 5 love languages, all the above would make me the happiest man ever. I am HD and physical, simple as that. That would fill my happy and loved tank to overflowing.:smthumbup:


If my wifee was a fantastic cook, made my meals and even for work, that would be awesome and very much appreciated. But would that make me feel loved? NO. Physical intimacy, sex, and touch does that for me.


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## Caribbean Man

firebelly1 said:


> Deejo - your comment makes me wonder how much a man feels loved when his woman cooks for him (as long as she's a decent cook )



Cooking is and always was a way a woman could express her love to a man in a language men understand best.

Ask any man and they would tell you that there s a huge difference between a hot, home cooked meal , prepared with love and fast food or take out dinner.

The home cooked meal tastes much better because it was prepared_ for him._

It's mostly psychological.
Because it was done out of humility and great respect.

Any man who doesn't appreciate his woman's home cooked meals has deeper issues.


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## Caribbean Man

heartsbeating said:


> Even being a non-decent cook makes my husband feel loved lol. It's the love and care that went into the food that matters.
> 
> 
> And the knowledge that pizza can always be delivered.


Yup, exactly.

Doesn't matter if it ain't fancy, just as long as he knows you cooked it for him , and with him on your mind.

_That_ is what makes a man feel loved.


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## firebelly1

I'm not a big fan of cooking in general but I like it more and am willing to do it more for anyone who verbally appreciates my efforts. My ex would tell me what he thought I did wrong when I cooked for him and would often quip about what a mediocre cook I was, so...I wasn't that motivated to make lovely meals.


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## Caribbean Man

firebelly1 said:


> I'm not a big fan of cooking in general but I like it more and am willing to do it more for anyone who verbally appreciates my efforts._* My ex would tell me what he thought I did wrong when I cooked for him and would often quip about what a mediocre cook I was, so...I wasn't that motivated to make lovely meals.*_


Maybe that's one of the reasons he's now your " ex."

Like I said in my post, _any man who doesn't appreciate his woman's cooking has deeper issues._


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## john117

I suspect you never had to taste Central Asian cuisine 

Some stuff is pretty decent but there are whole categories of goods, mostly stewed vegetables with some infernal herbs and spices, over rice, that are largely a (non) acquired taste


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## jld

Oh, I bet you like it, John. Sounds delicious to me!


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## Caribbean Man

john117 said:


> I suspect you never had to taste Central Asian cuisine
> 
> Some stuff is pretty decent but there are whole categories of goods, mostly stewed vegetables with some infernal herbs and spices, over rice, that are largely a (non) acquired taste


Absolutely love authentic Japanese cuisine, especially the veggies and fish.

Like Thai foods too, especially the spicy coconut rice, and their curry.


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## jld

We love Ethiopian food. So easy with the kids, because you eat it with your hands!


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## seeking sanity

I get a lot of ribbing at home from the kids, which is good natured, but occasionally the relentlessness of it makes me not feel respected. So I like it when my wife scolds the kids about it, so I don't feel like I'm alone. 

Physical touch makes me feel loved. When she is responsive to my flirting and doesn't shut me down. I'd love a strip tease, or lingerie or any demonstration that she is hot for me. Feeling desired makes me feel loved.

I travel about 6-8x a year for work, and when I come home feeling like she missed me sexually would make me feel loved. 

She is a great cook and makes a big effort to handle much of the household stuff - shopping, cooking, laundry, which I think she views as loving. I appreciate it but it's not enough on it's own for me to feel loved.


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## firebelly1

Caribbean Man said:


> Maybe that's one of the reasons he's now your " ex."
> 
> Like I said in my post, _any man who doesn't appreciate his woman's cooking has deeper issues._


Yes...as I was writing that I thought "Yet ANOTHER reason he's my ex." The list seems to be growing.


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## Wolf1974

Caribbean Man said:


> Maybe that's one of the reasons he's now your " ex."
> 
> Like I said in my post, _any man who doesn't appreciate his woman's cooking has deeper issues._


I am a great cook and love to do it... I have never had a woman who cooked for me on a regular basis So I admit I wonder what that would be like. But I do 90% of the cooking so it's just the way it is.


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## over20

Wolf1974 said:


> I am a great cook and love to do it... I have never had a woman who cooked for me on a regular basis So I admit I wonder what that would be like. But I do 90% of the cooking so it's just the way it is.


Aww ....I hope that changes for you soon. A hardworking man deserves to be well fed when he comes home.


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## john117

Alas, Central Asia (i.e. one of the former soviet empire -istan republics) ain't no Thailand or Japan


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## EasyPartner

Caribbean Man said:


> Cooking is and always was a way a woman could express her love to a man in a language men understand best.
> 
> Ask any man and they would tell you that there s a huge difference between a hot, home cooked meal , prepared with love and fast food or take out dinner.
> 
> The home cooked meal tastes much better because it was prepared_ for him._
> 
> It's mostly psychological.
> Because it was done out of humility and great respect.
> 
> Any man who doesn't appreciate his woman's home cooked meals has deeper issues.


Question for women AND men with experience.

Do women feel loved when their men cook for them?

Or is this discarted as another one of those beta things, that actually lessens attraction?


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## heartsbeating

EasyPartner said:


> Question for women AND men with experience.
> 
> Do women feel loved when their men cook for them?
> 
> Or is this discarted as another one of those beta things, that actually lessens attraction?


My man is the main chef in our home. He's got skills. The care, creativity and tastiness of his dishes is absolutely attractive. It's both caring and alluring. One of our early dates, he invited me over to cook dinner for us. What can I say? A man that cooks is sexy as hell.


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## jld

EasyPartner said:


> Question for women AND men with experience.
> 
> Do women feel loved when their men cook for them?
> 
> Or is this discarted as another one of those beta things, that actually lessens attraction?


It has been a long time since he really cooked something homemade. But a couple months ago, he and the boys made some quick thing, and dh brought a plate of it to me (I was working on some TAM posts). 

I thought that was so kind and caring. It really made me feel loved.


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## johny1989

> I don't know what makes other feel loved, but I can speak for myself.
> 
> R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
> 
> I doesn't matter how , pretty , sexy , smart, or whatever. If there isn't a foundation of respect, I'll walk.
> 
> I can only feel loved when there is genuine respect for me first.



Yes buddy you are right but respect for those who "Deserve" it not for those who "Demand" it..


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## Caribbean Man

EasyPartner said:


> Question for women AND men with experience.
> 
> Do women feel loved when their men cook for them?
> 
> Or is this discarted as another one of those beta things, that actually lessens attraction?


I used to do most of the cooking at home , sometimes I still do, but I don't see it a lessening attraction ,instead from my experience women love men whose culinary skills can match their bedroom skills.

So where did this idea of cooking creates less attraction come from?

Here's what I've seen.

My BIL was a master chef and at one time even owned a very popular restaurant.
There he met my wife's sister who had reserved his restaurant for a business meet and lunch. She was impressed , and they started dating , got married.
All during the marriage , he cooked , no problem.
We used to go off road trekking in his 4x4 , hunting , fishing , drag racing , camping on the beach ,etc. He also taught me archery.
Lots of masculine type stuff, but he was an excellent chef.

Serious problems in his marriage started when he decided to close down his restaurant , become a SAHD ,and stopped doing the manly stuff.

His wife started staying back at work extremely late, coming home drunk and had an affair with her ex lover ,a well known playboy. She eventually divorced him.

Nothing is wrong with a man cooking or doing stuff around the house. Nothing is intrinsically wrong with being a SAHD , but a sure way for your wife to loose attraction is to stop being the manly man she fell in love with.
That is what defines you and set you apart from other men.
That is what gave her butterflies , and the warm tingly feeling south of her navel.

The female equivalent is a woman who was sexy and adventurous before marriage suddenly becoming either extra conservative , or nonchalant about her appearance and sex ,halfway through the marriage.


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## SimplyAmorous

EasyPartner said:


> Question for women AND men with experience.
> 
> *Do women feel loved when their men cook for them?*
> 
> Or is this discarted as another one of those beta things, that actually lessens attraction?


My husband cooking (or cleaning) for me pretty much means absolutely nothing, don't need it, don't expect it.... he is not a cook and I want him busying himself with the things I can't do at home, like changing engines, getting on the roof, chain sawing, Body work on the car, (I helped him sand & paper it )...he just painted our old car yesterday... the manly stuff...

Only if I am sick or just had a baby would he need to touch those things , and even then I always planned ahead & had meals prepared in the freezer so it would be easy on us both.

My top Love languages are TIME and TOUCH , he is a little higher in Touch over me with Time right behind... so I feel the most loved by his wanting to be with me, talk to me , touch me, all that DESIRE stuff.. if that dried up, I would not feel loved by him... very similar to what a # of men said on this thread....

I feel just as strongly.


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## Deejo

Preparing food is intimacy. Anyone that doesn't think so, just isn't paying attention.


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## ScarletBegonias

Shoto1984 said:


> I was working outside today...a very hot day at that and my neighbor was out too. He was cutting his lawn, edging, trimming trees etc. The lots are an acre so not a small job. His wife came out twice to bring him a huge cup of some beverage. The second time with a plate of food. Both times he was told how great the yard looked. Now that's a small thing but it says she's aware of his effort, appreciates him and is there to support him. I never had this in my marriage and so it struck a cord with me. I think its part of a man feeling loved.


lol awww I do that for DH every Sunday when he's mowing. It makes me feel so awesome to do that for him. I don't know how he feels about it deep down though. I guess he appreciates it,he does thank me with a smile.


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## firebelly1

EasyPartner said:


> Question for women AND men with experience.
> 
> Do women feel loved when their men cook for them?
> 
> Or is this discarted as another one of those beta things, that actually lessens attraction?


Oh my god, yes. One of the things that really piques my interest in a guy's online dating profile is if he says he likes cooking. Maybe I really am wired more like a man cuz the two things I really look for in a man are: is he good in bed and can he cook.


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## jld

Deejo said:


> Preparing food is intimacy. Anyone that doesn't think so, just isn't paying attention.


It's nurturing. And who doesn't love a nurturing man?


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## jld

johny1989 said:


> Yes buddy you are right but respect for those who "Deserve" it not for those who "Demand" it..


QFT.

And true respect is only ever _earned._


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## love=pain

over20 said:


> Aww ....I hope that changes for you soon. A hardworking man deserves to be well fed when he comes home.


Well I do 99% of the cooking, I have always been a better cook than her and I am usually home before her even if I am going to be late I plan a crock pot item or have the kids put something in the oven I put together before work. Food and keeping me fed isn't a way to show love, paying attention to what I have going on that day and find a way even a small way to make my day
easier show me you are thinking about me and paying attention.
Oh and lots of sex helps to, nothing says I love you like getting naked and making some boom boom
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld

intheory said:


> Watching TV shows where a professional male chef prepares food always turns me on a little bit.
> 
> *I don't know or care if it is "Beta"*; but it *is* SEXY.


:iagree:

_It's the *results* that count!_


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## BaxJanson

As I read the turn this topic has taken, I'm struck again by how central food is to the human experience. 

Food has deep ties to nurturing, provision, safety, security, respect, responsibility, and love. A shared meal is a shared experience. It's primal - at once stunningly simple and profoundly complex.

Kind of like men, really.


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## ScarletBegonias

BaxJanson said:


> As I read the turn this topic has taken, I'm struck again by how central food is to the human experience.
> 
> Food has deep ties to nurturing, provision, safety, security, respect, responsibility, and love. A shared meal is a shared experience. It's primal - at once stunningly simple and profoundly complex.
> 
> Kind of like men, really.


Depends on which man and who you're asking


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## ocotillo

intheory said:


> Watching TV shows where a professional male chef prepares food always turns me on a little bit.
> 
> I don't know or care if it is "Beta"; but it *is* SEXY.


Most male chefs are no more, "Beta" than most construction foremen are.

What's, "Beta" is the incompetent male who's efforts in the kitchen are like a twelve year old boy helping his mother.


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## I Notice The Details

Catherine602 said:


> Sounds romantic, like a woman wrote it. Not that women cant know what makes a man feel loved but vanishingly few can hit 5 out of 5 of them and only 1 in a million can write about.
> 
> Follow him into the man cave, probably bad advice. That's the point of the man cave, it's an exclusive club, invitation only. Some TAM men don't want women on threads in the Men's Clubhouse and it's a public forum. Just imagine how a man feels about his sanctuary.
> 
> Admire his moves, well maybe some moves but in general, I don't think so. Admire the output seems more on target.
> 
> Talk about stuff. Depends on whose stuff. Don't talk listen to my stuff with open mind, maybe?
> 
> I'll give this a 25 on a scale of 100. Not bad considering that the score is usually less than 1.



As usual, Catherine is right on target. 

Respect is the foundation of making me feel loved as a man. When someone respects me, it shows me that someone truly understands and appreciates something about me. My wife is very good at showing me respect and still giving me space to be a man. There are times that I need my own space to decompress the stress that comes from my job. She understands that. She always shows her appreciation of my hard work and leadership in our marriage. I constantly try to do the same for her. Our relationship and marriage is built on mutual respect and kindness. That is our core.

I also feel loved when she does the little things that I like....whether it is secretly planning a date night, making my favorite dinner, wearing my favorite perfume, or surprising me by wearing my favorite lingerie. These little details show me that she is thinking of my feelings, and that makes me feel loved.


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## Lyris

EasyPartner said:


> Question for women AND men with experience.
> 
> Do women feel loved when their men cook for them?
> 
> Or is this discarted as another one of those beta things, that actually lessens attraction?


It's hard to imagine a more sexy, alpha profession than a head chef. 

Anyway, it's neither here nor there for me. I do 99% of the food stuff in our house. My husband can cook, and does, on my birthday, but really I prefer to. It's probably the on,y area that I'm a bit of a control freak about. I like things like I like them. 

I know what makes my husband feel loved. Sex, non-sexual touch and talking. He enjoys the care taking stuff I do too, but he could live without it.


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## muguremaina

please help me
coz my man says that i don't show interest in knowing himbut i do honestly,please from a mans point of view what kind of questions can i ask him to show him i totally care to know him.
or how can i initiate with him heart to heart conversation?
pleeeaaassse help me.


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## BostonBruins32

affirmation and appreciation makes me feel loved.


small acts of kindness help too. Specific actions include cooking for me, random shows of affection, bedroom intimacy..

It doesnt take much of any of the above. IE, it could be once a week or something small etc.. doesnt need to be showered. I just like to feel it sometimes. Something small like taking our daughter out for the day when my favorite football team is on is a show of love that means a lot to me.


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## Duguesclin

Knowing that someone, besides my mother, is thinking about my well being. Knowing that I am important to my wife. Knowing she is honest and truthful on how she sees me.


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