# It is over



## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

I spent a week with my son and took him to his mom yesterday. So sad that the little 2 yo has to grow without parents being together. So sad and hard to be w/o him. I need him to be with me to watch him grow and to enjoy him. But life is hard. How can I believe in god after all I went/going through even aside from marriage. I lost my wife, partially lost my child and lost my faith.

She called me today asked if I work tomorrow. I thought she needs me to babysit. SHE SAID SHE WANTS US GO TO A LAWYER TO SIGN FOR DIVORCE. IDK if lawyers can do that because I hoped she'd come back as she first promised and later made it as 'maybe' n now wants divorce, so I wasn't preparing for it .

I said I first want to sign for child custody and parenting as we agreed. She said we can do it all at once. I disagree because she could give me a # of conditions. She also wants to go to HER lawyer to sign it, the same lawyer who helped her sister her divorce. 

I don't know why she is in hurry when theres only 4 monts left where she can get divorced from me without my opinion or even signature. Im afraid she found someone out of town or state n might take the baby. IDK if I can stop her from that (if thats the case) by adding that she cant move away with the child in our agreement.

I just need to put all my strength together to make sure I dont lose my son but currently I have no strength even to talk let alone get a lawyer. 

I just wish that god existed so I could pray to him.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Just remember that 'doing nothing' vastly increases the odds of making your worst case concerns, possible.

You don't go to her lawyer. The fact that she would even suggest it is telling. She is counting on you being off balance.

Odds are, you know someone that has gone through a divorce and can recommend an attorney to you.

Be hurt, grieve, but take care of yourself and do what must be done. Rolling over helps nobody, your son included.


----------



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

This is a time in which you MUST gather your strength for your child and for yourself!!! There is no turning back. Get an attorney that is recommended highly. In the meantime, write down what you want out of this divorce (how custody would look to you, how assets are divided and how financial arrrangement will be laid out), then go to the attorney with your ideas in hand. 

It's important that you stand up for yourself, even though you feel like laying down. She sounds like she is ready to take action and if you aren't careful she may take advantange of your weakness.

I would suggest that you read self-help books. Take what you can from them and what you think you can use. It is a good way of improving and distracting at the same time.


----------



## blind (Jan 17, 2008)

Harris - You need to engage counsel NOW especially if you have fear that she will want to move your child to another town or out of state. Don't sit on your hands and wait. Be proactive. The status quo is often very important to judges in deciding custody matters. So, you need to be with your child as much as possible. If you sit idle, you're putting yourself at a disadvantage. Check out dadsdivorce.com. There is good information there. I'll warn you that forum can be a bit harsh at times, but there is still a great deal of good information there for men going through divorce with children. Get your ducks in a row and prepare. Better to be over prepared than to be caught off guard. I wish you all the best. I also hope you can regain your faith. My faith also took a hit when my ex wanted a divorce. But now it is being strengthened and is a source of happiness and contentment. I do worry about my 2 children (ages 2 and 7) constantly and have a deep concern about how the divorce will affect my relationship with them and how they'll continue to adjust. I've learned that while I don't see them daily, my time with them now is much more fullfilling, nurturing and of better quality than ever before. I loath divorce and its affect on children. But you must make the best of this for their sake and yours. My very best to you in this rough time. 

Blind


----------

