# What percentages of marriages are truly happy?



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

In your opinion?

Truly happy both people are truly in love with each other and there is no abuse and no cheating there is almost no lying if not any, they love each other and will be together for the rest of their lives the sex life is great and they live and need each other. The truly are in love bodies crave each other they have commitment, intimacy and passion.

What % of people will ever have this type of marriage in the entire world?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

the only one i know for sure about is mine.
i would have to give that a 0% being truly happy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Most people are on this site because the were googling ways to fix their broken marriage. I think your data may not come from impartial sources. And as many of us know, our marriages looked so good to everyone else, as the problems were hidden. So trying to guess overall is pretty pointless too...

Just saying.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

The way that question is asked, you might as well have said how many of you have the PERFECT marriage. I can't answer this question because I love my husband and I'm mostly happy currently in our marriage BUT there are always some things that could be better. Nobodies perfect.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

With all the people who I know... I think it's a small percentage of really happy marriages. Nothing is perfect. I also know single people who would love to be married and are not really happy single. But for your poll 10% may be close.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

This is impossible to know/answer... 

Each of us can only really know about our own marriage. I'm often amazed at the couples who split...and the ones that last.

Or we could vote then all go find a online pie chart or bar graph to prove whatever % we choose, the internet is good like that!

My question is " what is a truly happy marriage' ?

Is it one without conflict and issues?

OR

Is it one that deals with conflict well and leaves spouses feeling the issue is resolved/being worked on.

Goldmember - what do you define as a truly happy marriage?


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> In your opinion?
> 
> Truly happy both people are truly in love with each other and there is no abuse and no cheating there is almost no lying if not any, they love each other and will be together for the rest of their lives the sex life is great and they live and need each other. The truly are in love bodies crave each other they have commitment, intimacy and passion.


My parents have a marriage like that. They've been together more than 30 years and they're still best friends.

Grand total? I would say they are in the extreme minority. I thought I had some major psychological problems when I was depressed, but now I'm starting to realize that I'm actually one of the most stable people I know. An overwhelming majority of people are totally insane. I like my friends, but I can't imagine what it would be like to live with them. It would suck so bad.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My marriage is happy. Now. Lots of work went into it and lots of love goes into maintaining it.

But I have no idea about the percentages.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

That's the other issue... Marriages are a living, changing thing. They go through good periods and bad. Can a marriage be great for 75% of the time, and then fail? Sure can.

C


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

What do you consider truly happy? Your question is too subjective to provide a reasonable answer.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I can't vote. Why? I have no clue what really goes on under other couple's roofs. I guess a better question might have been how do you rate your own. As for my own marriage...right now I'm saying I'm very happy with it. Was it like that all the time? NO! But I do know it can be.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I will agree, most marraiges seem to HIDE their problems so very well...they don't want to burden other people or look Bad, everyone wants the aire of "perfection" and honor...... then so many are shocked... "WHAT, they are getting a divorce! How can it be"[email protected]#$%^ 

We can only rate our own...to our personal standards of what we call ...*Happiness*. Even the happiness bar can be different lenghts. 

I also feel even the best of marriages ....has imperfections ...but they would still quality for your words.... for a Truly happy passionate loving sexually fullfiiing marraige where a couple grows old together -still with a face that radiates - with an ocean of beautiful memories, a legacy -they will both leave behind -in the hearts of those who knew them. 

***** I think when you meet a couple...if you are looking very closely.....it does SHOW ....you *feel *a warmness between them... an openness , a sense of ease immediately....you notice how they look at each other.... how they respond to each other. If they don't do these things.. no matter what comes out of their mouth, or how big of  they wear separately.....either they are having #1 a bad day... or #2... they are not as fullfilled as they would like to be. Very possibly. 


People who know ME personally, know I am not the hider type, if I had a rant...I RANT loudly, even boldly... I wear my feelings on my sleeve ...around friends that is. 

When I didn't like my step mom, I blackened her name. Not very nice of me .... but I needed to vent. Good thing my husband is a wonderful man !! He'd probably have to divorce me just to shut my mouth. (I am exaggerating of course).

In my Mops group, towards the end, I was the one they came to with their intimate questions, cause I always got those ladies talking dirty. Many of them seemed to complain about their husbands, I couldn't relate. I think the only thing I would say against my man is (in all these yrs).... I wish he talked a little more (and be more aggressive in bed - I told a few of them that)... The majority of those Mom's came off enjoying their kids more so... I wanted to ditch my kids & be with my husband, I was the odd ball. 

I feel we have THIS type of marraige. 

But let me say... Ours has... for the most part, been a pretty smooth ride.....never any serious health issues (my biggest worries in life!)....he's never been laid off, our compatibility is undeniable, we have managed our life very well financially (both frugal) & in raising our kids (big on consequences), communication always good & now that we finally opened up about sex & realized where we missed it = this has SO increased the happiness bar. 


Every marraige will have some BAD times... angry moments, misundertandings, CONFLICT, FIGHTS , PMS ....this is all normal....Storms will come, external pressures will visit our door... 

I think the key is... are we still holding hands during these storms.... do we still call each other ?...tackling these problems together as a team... still each others biggest fan....

When the "US" becomes "I" or the "We" becomes about "ME" (only takes one partner slipping away).... this is where the "couples" happiness takes a a slow dive...or so I feel. 

I would never say we are perfect, but we happily EMBRACE our imperfections ...and love each other anyway.  

Love this song about such a marriage - one of my favorites: 

Matthew Ward: Perfect Union - YouTube


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

waiwera said:


> This is impossible to know/answer...
> 
> Each of us can only really know about our own marriage. I'm often amazed at the couples who split...and the ones that last.
> 
> ...


I kind of said in OP

Truly happy marriage has commitment, passion, intimacy and is thus the "consummate love" also known as the "true love".

There is no Cheating, very little to no Lying, they consider each other best friends, they desire each other almost all the time both would rather die than live without one another. 


Certainly a happy marriage cannot have a liar or a person who abuses the other or cheats on the other (imo) but who knows. 

I am not implying that the people have to always be happy 24/7 that is impossible however they do not abuse one another there is no lying, no cheating and no addiction or anything of that sort.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

The only marriage I know anything about is my own, which is indeed truly happy. There is none of the stuff you list (cheating, lying, abuse, etc), we are crazy in love with each other, and any problems we have are all external to the marriage itself (financial, health, work). But I can't speak about anyone else's marriage.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Dina said:


> How long have you guys been married?


our 2nd anniversary is in a few days.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> In your opinion?
> 
> Truly happy both people are truly in love with each other and there is no abuse and no cheating there is almost no lying if not any, they love each other and will be together for the rest of their lives the sex life is great and they live and need each other. The truly are in love bodies crave each other they have commitment, intimacy and passion.
> 
> What % of people will ever have this type of marriage in the entire world?



I can neither speak for the "entire world", nor even much for my own marriage as it will be tomorrow, but what you posted above reflects our marriage today. We are _very _happy. I pray that we continue to be.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I don't know what sparked Goldmember to ask this, but I've wondered the same thing myself. As most of you pointed out, we can't know for sure, but surely we have an opinion. 

My wife divorced me after 18 years because she was no longer "happy." There was no cheating or abuse. While i was moping around trying to figure out what went wrong and blaming myself, a lady friend said to me, "Do you really think that out of all the couples we know that have been married for several years and are still together, you are the worst husband out of them all? In other words, you were so bad she just "had" to divorce you, but all the other husbands are wonderful? Most of those wives are probably more miserable than yours was, but yours just didn't know how to address her issues." 

I know a lady who is always posting things on facebook like, "getting to spend time with my wonderful husband!!" From reading her comments, one would think they were super happy, yet she recently revealed to me that they had been having issues for years. Passionate kisses, for example, had been gone for 10 years.

I would suspect a lot of people are not as happy as they appear.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

To me.. it wouldn't be a truly "happy marriage" more like.. a truly "loving" marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No marriage is happy every day. It's a journy not a moment in time.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Happiness looks different depending on the couple.

For example, some women don't care if their husbands cheat, as long as they get to spend his money.

Some couples are very passionate and frequent arguments serve as honest discussions. 

My husband and I are in an excellent place just now. Life is good. It took years of learning each other's communication styles and being mindful not not repeating what we saw growing up. We rarely argue anymore and when we do, it is always with respect.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Goldmember357 said:


> In your opinion?
> 
> Truly happy both people are truly in love with each other and there is no abuse and no cheating there is almost no lying if not any, they love each other and will be together for the rest of their lives the sex life is great and they live and need each other. The truly are in love bodies crave each other they have commitment, intimacy and passion.
> 
> What % of people will ever have this type of marriage in the entire world?


I'd say to meet these parameters day in and day out over say a 40 year marriage is not very realistic so I chose the lowest possible percentage.Unless there really is a Shangri-La!


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I feel blessed to have that kind of relationship over the last 2 1/2 years. It took my MANY years to find it! 

I guessed 30% as an optimistic estimate for your poll. We know that about half of all marriages end in divorce, so that rules out approximately 50% of them being happy. Then we know that 30-50% of all people cheat at some point, which may or may not lead to divorce. It's safe to assume there's some significant degree of overlap. I'd say 10% are happy per your definition over a long period of time, but that a fair amount of married couples do find enough value in their relationships that they consider themselves happy most of the time, and have prolonged periods where they meet your definition.


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