# Sexually rejected by husband



## Shawna1311 (Apr 15, 2013)

My husband and I have been married 14 years and have never had any sexual problems before this. A few nights ago I was finishing my monthly flow (my period) , so my husband and I had a Heavy forplay session until we both completed. The very next night we had a Date night. We had a romantic dinner and Yes I probably had, too much wine. We got home and put music on and fillled with liquid courage I decided to strattle my husband
while he was on the couch. He gently removed me and said he wasn't in the mood. He has never Not been in the mood. I felt totally sucker punched. Yes we had messed around the night before, but with no intercourse. So date night, I wanted the intercourse. That was the first time since we have been together that he had rejected me. It has been two days since that happened and I still feel unattractive and angry about this. It is like he took away what little self esteem I did have. What I need to know is, why do I still feel SO horrible? How long until I feel wanted again? I know this has only happened once and he probably was "Just not in the mood". But he really hurt my feelings. How do I feel better?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Try not to read to much into this. I've been married 20 years and done it a time or two. It took me a lot of reading and research to find out that women take sexual rejection much harder than men do. I will never reject my wife again after reading "Married Man Sex Life Primer". 
If your sex life is otherwise in good shape I would just get passed this and tell him he hurt your feelings. BTW...women want and need sex just as much as men do.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You feel better by asking why he said no. He could have been tired, felt ill, stressed... NOTHING to do with you and if that is the case, YOU have the problem.

Talk to him. Find out why. Be as open as you can without pushing him into a corner. I think you will find out that it ISN'T you and you have nothing to feel bad about.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Shawna1311 said:


> was the first time since we have been together that he had rejected me. It has been two days since that happened and I still feel unattractive and angry about this. It is like he took away what little self esteem I did have.


You have got to be kidding me. He isn't in the mood ONE TIME and it's a crisis for you? That's neither realistic nor reasonable.

And by the way, if your self-esteem depends on his being "in the mood" for you, and can be shattered so easily, then you have more problems than we can fix here. I strongly suggest you get therapy to get over this. It's not going to get better over time, only worse.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

How long have you been together? Expecting him to be in the mood at any moment is not realistic. He might have been gassy, constipated, felt tired, etc. it has nothing to do with how you look.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

Yeah, definitely not a problem... yet. If it happens over the course of the next month to year, when no sex is had, then it's time to worry. I've never told my wife no, but she hasn't initiated sex but maybe four times in the last seven years. Yeah, four times in seven years. Now, we've had sex more than that, but it's always on me to get it started. She rarely wants it and even more rare than that she initiates. I remember ONE time my wife wanted to and I had a cold, we were in a hot tub, and I was tired. I couldn't rise to the occasion. That's the only time in 9.5 years of being together I couldn't get the job done.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

There are any number of reasons why your husband responded as he did and only a conversation between the two of you can reveal that reason. The first step in you feeling better is by talking to him.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

OMG...

Stop the presses.


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

I understand what you're saying, about being married 14 years and he's never not been in the mood... but regardless of how long you've been married, it's bound to happen. Aren't you "not in the mood" sometimes? 

It's no big deal. 

Even if he was finding you unattractive (which seems unlikely - I mean, you've been having sex for 14 years, right? Why would he suddenly find you unattractive now?)... even if he was... it might just be because you were tipsy and he didn't want to deal with the sloppiness or something (I've been on both sides of that issue in the past). Sober sex is WAY better than drunk sex. He probably laughed to himself and figured he'll get some of that tail later, when it's a little more in control of itself  

Like everyone's saying: It's just one incident and doesn't mean anything, especially if you've been married 14 years.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Faiora said:


> I understand what you're saying, about being married 14 years and he's never not been in the mood... but regardless of how long you've been married, it's bound to happen. Aren't you "not in the mood" sometimes?
> 
> It's no big deal.
> 
> ...


I agree 100% :iagree:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Don't read too much into this. Men actually aren't in the mood once in a while, even myself. I have on occasion said I'm not in the mood or I just couldn't get it up due to stress, extremely rare but it has happened.

Now my wifee can say she's not in the mood often and I'm used to it at this point and no longer really initiative anymore, nor do I take it personal.

Try spicing it up. Wear some sexy outfit, role play and see if he likes? When he comes into the room, watch some adult movie sex scene and see how he reacts? School girl outfit? Leather? high heels?

Try some different sex. Try feet, anal, outside, all the different positions you never do. Spice it up.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I understand why you're feeling stunned and hurt.But you need to talk to him about it if it's bothering you so deeply.
Someone else said it,although not in the most kind way,that you can't base your self esteem off when your husband is or isnt in the mood.You definitely need to work on that.

Maybe he was bloated or feeling gassy after dinner and drinking and didn't want to share? Or maybe bc you were drunk,he felt weird carrying forward with intercourse? Some men WILL NOT have sex if the woman has been drinking.


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## Visual1 (Apr 16, 2013)

Maybe the other night he wanted you, but you rejected him. So, last night he is trying to get you back for it.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Lots of great answers here

As others have said, one time in 14 years is nothing! Some folks here get rejected a few times a week!

I'd also like to add to the list this possibility: Could he have rejected you because he thought you had too much to drink? Don't get me wrong, when a woman intitiates sex, that's a good thing. However, if you need to be really lit to do it, it kind of kills it to a degree for the guy (at least for me) 

Look at it this way - You were drunk. You got horny. You wanted your husband = You need to be drunk to want your husband.

I've lived this to a degree where it often seemed that my spouse would initiate only after a minimum of a few drinks. While I initiaally enjoyed the turn of the tables, I eventually noticed the pattern. I guess I got hung up on the fact that it seemed she needed alcohol to find me desirable enough to intiate sex.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Look at it this way - You were drunk. You got horny. You wanted your husband = You need to be drunk to want your husband.
> 
> I've lived this to a degree where it often seemed that my spouse would initiate only after a minimum of a few drinks. While I initiaally enjoyed the turn of the tables, I eventually noticed the pattern. I guess I got hung up on the fact that it seemed she needed alcohol to find me desirable enough to intiate sex.


I used to need a few drinks in me before initiating with my ex.  I had too many sexual hangups and insecurities to initiate on a regular basis. 
It's a shame it can be taken as someone needed to be drunk to want their partner,never thought of that before.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Seriously, and I mean this, if my wife was drunk and straddled me

I would attack her every orafice with unbridled aggression


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