# Beer..my new girlfriend in a lonely marriage



## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

so I've never been heavy into drinking but
when i got married i also married a family of
people who love to drink to have a good time..
now i am becoming somewhat the same..
my wife has always been different..like me..she never
was a heavy drinker before we met..she still is not..
i am not either..
but..
i have learned that beer alone can give me a whole
bunch of patience in dealing with the fact that my
beautiful wife isn't wild sexually..doesn't ever initiate
sex..barely ever touches me sexually..doesn't
ever make any kinds of moves on me..

yeah i know i am sounding like a chic..but sometimes
men need to be wanted by their women as well..
for several yrs its always me doin all the work..
its time for her to step it up..even if she does in fact have 
a very laid back personality...i dont care..it
takes two of us to make it work...

she knows i am unhappy..but beer has put an
end to me constantly complainin..i just enjoy
my time alone..with me and my beer..

yeah i am a lil drunk..so what..

who is with me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I have my wine, but not for the same reasons. I have been drinking more than usual, but....I think it's ok. lol. I'm not a drinker.

We shouldn't be drinking to mask our issues though. 

Have you talked to your wife?


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

haha have i talked to my wife. 

yeah..its been Very openly communicated to her in the past..
but for several months I've taken a different approach...

we have now had no intercourse for two weeks...used to have it 3-4 times
per week...
me always doin all the work..while i like doin it to her...its time she started 
wanting to please me as well...am i right?

so...i have learned that sex is only good if both are into it..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Is she going through stuff? Stress? How old is she?


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

she is in her late 20s..
not really stressed..normal..we are good..happy together..Its just our sex drives are
so different...i desire alt more crazy..erotic stuff...she would be happy with 
only missionary once a week...
that's what frustrates me...we are not sexually compatible
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Did you know you weren't sexually compatible before marriage?

That would be frustrating...sex should be a fun adventure.


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## Peace2000 (Oct 27, 2010)

You sound like me and your wife sounds like my husband!... and yeah..Ive had a couple tonight myself!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Peace2000 (Oct 27, 2010)

It efiin sucks!,,,,,,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ever just take her and rock her world?

lol I ask because sometimes, when I'm not feelin it, my husband just mans up and rocks my socks lol.


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## Peace2000 (Oct 27, 2010)

What do you do when you are the wfe and your husband wont rock your world because he says he doesnt think about it? Thats my wonderful life! BLAH! BUT ive caught him watching porn several times. I would say hes not that into me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea...when they are hiding porn or using it in place of their partner, that's a problem


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## Peace2000 (Oct 27, 2010)

Yep, and he doesnt see that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

nice to see I am not the only one..cheers..

Yeah I sometimes just take her and rock her world..and she loves it..I go to town on her..give her everything..and shes in ecstacy land..but she will NEVER do the same for me..
at most a quick BJ..thats forced..mostly using only the hand..very routine..the quicker the better for her..

Just frustrated..I think Im on my like 6th beer..gonna keep on going tonight..shes asleep..as always on weekends..if her friends or family would call then she gets energetic and is wide awake..but for me..
Nothing..
I ask her what I could do better..
She says..nothing..she loves me..she says..

I say..
Bull..

Shiat..


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> so I've never been heavy into drinking but
> when i got married i also married a family of
> people who love to drink to have a good time..
> now i am becoming somewhat the same..
> ...


I love beer too. But it can lower your testosterone levels.

Anyway have you tried this : Married Man Sex Life


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> nice to see I am not the only one..cheers..
> 
> Yeah I sometimes just take her and rock her world..and she loves it..I go to town on her..give her everything..and shes in ecstacy land..but she will NEVER do the same for me..
> at most a quick BJ..thats forced..mostly using only the hand..very routine..the quicker the better for her..
> ...


I like a variety but I enjoy when she rides me cowgirl. It works well for her too as she has more control and can orgasm easily. 
I love when she sits on my chest and I go down on her. She is light so this is easy for me. So these are examples of her being aggressive. I had some aggressive girl friends that would pretty much attack me in my earlier years and that was pretty great. 

I can be dominant but it is fun when your lady gets aggressive and obviously wants you.

Have a Guiness.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> nice to see I am not the only one..cheers..
> 
> Yeah I sometimes just take her and rock her world..and she loves it..I go to town on her..give her everything..and shes in ecstacy land..but she will NEVER do the same for me..
> at most a quick BJ..thats forced..mostly using only the hand..very routine..the quicker the better for her..
> ...


:iagree: that sex is so much better when both people are into it. Having a selfish lover SUCKS. Sorry buddy. And those who are selfish will never know what incredible sex is. You rocked her world and I'm sure she loved it. But even that can't ever be as good as if you were both into rocking each other's world.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

I too have a wife who doesn't touch or return physical affection as far as sex goes. I do all the work. It wasn't like that before marriage. What was it like for the OP before marriage?

I think my wife has no interest in pleasing me because she is gotten incredibly self conscious, doesn't find male genitals to be a turn on, plus other issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hey marriedguy ~

I was wondering how you were doing. Sorry to hear it's not going so well. 

So, do you think your wife knows how you REALLY feel about this? Or are you giving a vibe now that everything's okay and you've given up pursuing your needs and desires, so she thinks everything is just fine?

I think you guys are getting to a crisis point here - and I think that you two need some outside help (like some kind of counseling). How willing are you to do that? How about her?

Are you willing to do counseling alone if she doesn't want to go? It might help you work through some of the issues that you have so you could make a decision about the best direction to move forward with a clear conscience. That would be much better than drowning your sorrows in beer. 

God Bless.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

You need to listen to a guy who used to think just like you do now....

Forget about the sex. Yep, forget it. I know that is how you judge your relationship with her, and you judge your "worth" to her. I know because I used to. Guess what....she's not interested in that stuff.

You need to find out what her emotional needs are right now and start meeting them. If you do, you will probably have a lot more sex and she will be into it.

If you don't, she is going to find someone else who meets those needs and he is going to be getting all the sex.

I'm serious....I've been there. And I will never think like that again.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

> What was it like for the OP before marriage?


She was alot into dry humpin.., we did lots of oral but it was only me asking for it..I was always after her like I am now..except she was after me too, not as much as I was after her but alot more than now for sure..



> So, do you think your wife knows how you REALLY feel about this? Or are you giving a vibe now that everything's okay and you've given up pursuing your needs and desires, so she thinks everything is just fine?


I think about half the time I give off a vibe that everythings ok..I like to be optimistic..on here I know I come off as a whiner..complain alot..
Me and her havent had any kind of talk about our relationship in months..we havent had a Mature..adult conversation about us probably in 3+ years..still lots of flirting, but deep down inside I am not happy..I think she knows this and might be part of the reason she is afraid to come on to me..
I think our whole relationship has always been sugar coated..with me every once in a while letting her know how I feel and I just always end up hurting her feelings like crazy everytime..



> I think you guys are getting to a crisis point here - and I think that you two need some outside help (like some kind of counseling). How willing are you to do that? How about her?


Ive suggested this with her a few times..but she never gives any kind of answer..
I think going by myself I already know what kind of advice I would get..
It would come down to either accept it..this is all Im getting out of this marriage and just give my wife unconditional love..
or
get out now before we have kids..




> Are you willing to do counseling alone if she doesn't want to go? It might help you work through some of the issues that you have so you could make a decision about the best direction to move forward with a clear conscience. That would be much better than drowning your sorrows in beer.


I only drink beer on weekends..and usually not alot...but yeah I guess its becoming a problem since Im using it to be happy because without it I just get very depressed and frustrated especially on weekends..



> You need to find out what her emotional needs are right now and start meeting them. If you do, you will probably have a lot more sex and she will be into it.


Thing is, my wife never complains about me..the only negative things she ever tells me about me are little things like leaving the toilet seat up..leaving drawers open..etc..
And its not alot..just here and there..


Overall my wife is very content with what we have it seems..
She knows Im not really not happy and has told me before that shes scared that one day Im gonna leave her..
but usually we are really good to each other..lots of small time flirting, little kisses...going out, etc..

Its just the sex that we dont agree on..
and we lack alot of real communication..I can try to get her to open up..all she will say is..¨what do you want me to say?¨


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## Parrothead (Jul 4, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> so I've never been heavy into drinking but
> when i got married i also married a family of
> people who love to drink to have a good time..
> now i am becoming somewhat the same..
> ...


Beer: helping white men dance since 1869


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> Overall my wife is very content with what we have it seems..
> She knows Im not really not happy and has told me before that shes scared that one day Im gonna leave her..
> but usually we are really good to each other..lots of small time flirting, little kisses...going out, etc..
> 
> ...


I tried to write a metaphor about having too much sugar but it didn't work.

Stop with the sugar-coating. Start being real with each other. It's going to take time to change things. It won't be easy. But I think if you can stop with the superficial layer of niceties and find more depth in being vulnerable and honest with each other, eventually your intimacy will have more chance to change as a result. Good luck!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Killing or sedating yourself isn't going to improve your situation. A day wasted in groveling and self-pity or one wasted in inebriation are both sets of 24 hours thrown up a wild hog's butt, never to be retrieved. I suspect you are dealing with a power struggle. You obviously are unhappy cause your wife is stingy with sex. She can make you happy or sad simply by giving or withholding, which puts her squarely in your driver's seat. That only works if you want what she's selling. Starting today, stay happy and busy. Act like you could give two cents whether she ever puts out again. You choose to live happily and in peace. If she wishes to be a sexless, miserable zombie, that is her choice but she will be miserable without you. Women aren't falling all over themselves to hook up with an unhappy, unconfident, cryin' drunk. Even if you don't feel the part, convincingly play the role of a happy, strong, confident, successful, fun man. I'd suggest spending an increasing amount of time away from home. I wouldn't actually fool around on her but I wouldn't go out of my way to prove my chastity to her, either. She needs to figure out on her own that she's not the only game in town and that there will be huge price to pay for neglecting her man. Right now, her focus is 100% on herself because your focus is 100% on her. That's an unhealthy and unnatural condition for a wife or a partner. In any negotiation, the person with the greatest apparent need takes it in the shorts.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Married - let me see if I have this right. 

* you two are not having sex frequently enough for you
* you are so unhappy that you are drinking yourself into a stupor and will ruin you health if you keep it up.
* you attempt to talk to your wife but back off because she reacts badly 
* your wife seems to like the status quo
* your wife knows you are unhappy and thinks you will leave
* you are pretending you are happy

It seems to me that you can avoid much of the heartache you and your wife are suffering by being honest.

If she is hurt by your honesty, tell her you are doing this because you love her and cannot move forward unless you go to MC. Make the appointment yourself and tell her the date. If she does not go then you go and work on you. Invite her to join you. 

If communication, connection and sex does not improve then you have done all you can. Then you can make you decision with a clear conscience. 

By doing this, you give her the chance to be in the relationship. Ultimately, it is her choice and she suffers the consequences of it. We all have to live with our decisions sometimes they hurt.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If you drink too much, you can't get it up...if it does get up, it goes soft quickly.

When my husband drinks a lot, this happens. Not a big deal to me, but we have a lot of sex, so we just try again later.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

There's never enough sex :
I am learning to accept the fact that sex in my marriage is pretty much done.
Drinking will get my wife in the mood, but, when she's that drunk she claims to not remember anything the next day. This includes her abusive behavior during sex.
When she isn't drunk, she has made 100% of the stipulations about what is going to turn her on, but she accepts precisely 0% of any responsibility. This means that I am expected to start flirting 3-4 hours beforehand, then I am expected to talk her up and "make" her want to be with me. Now this isn't impossible, however, trying to peel her away from FB is a nearly insurmountable hurdle.
No, she does not, and has not worked for almost 20 years; I am the sole provider of income. Our children are in their mid to late teens. Yes, I do compliment her on looks, housework (on the rare occasions she can get away from FB) or the stories she is writing for her hobby group. I do spend all of my non-working time at home, I work out once a day (she hates exercise) and often get mistaken for 15 years younger.
Some people just either have too much resentment built up, or they have a very low sex drive, and will refuse to discuss it, or come up with BS excuses that turn into new ones when you address them. P0rn is your friend.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Mr.Mikestastic..
I feel for you..really, for a woman to be that way towards her husband is absolutely wrong in my opinion..


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