# Amusing, slightly troubling, possible direction to go...not sure how to catetgorize



## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Background, for context:

I'm in an existential crisis. Who am I at the core? What are my fundamental drives and motivations? I feel I *need* to understand this about myself so I can set some objectives that are important to ME and pursue them, and gain a feeling of fulfillment. My SO seems to vaguely understand this and she really tries to show me things like "you do that better than anybody I've ever met" kind of thing, trying to boost my self-image, but self-image is not the problem. Tried counselors, but the current wave of counseling says "happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy." I can do that in 30 seconds of meditation, but happy and fulfilled are not the same. I have to thank the brilliant academic Carol Ryff for pointing this out in her "Six aspects of psychological well-being" and in particular, her point that "without fulfillment, happiness becomes increasingly hard to achieve and brief in its appearance. Yet without happiness, fulfillment can lead to a feeling of emotional distance." You need both. I need to find the right resource for figuring out who I am at the core, then I can develop appropriate objectives...or so I think. Maybe a shaman, or spiritual director is the right resource? But that's not the subject of this posting, it's just background.

That's background, just to set the stage for the conversation we had.

Now, I'm going to give the lead-in to the conversation, just to demonstrate how innocently it came about.

It was the last day of a festival we attended. We were dusty but contented from great music and food and four romantic days of camping. We had broken camp, packed the car and were waiting. Like many festivals, they employ hard-parking: pack the cars in so they fit. We were waiting for at least three other cars to move so we could move. We set out to enjoy it, and unfolded a couple chairs, sat under a tree, sipped sun-warmed tea, snacked on chips and people-watched. We were joking around with the English language as we do, and thinking about all the functions involved in putting on such a huge festival. "There's a position called greeter", she said, "which is the person who greets performers as they arrive, directs them to the green room, finds out about special needs and provides them and so forth." Then, "So, on the way out, they need someone to again interact with the performers, give them advice on which exit path is most likely to get them out quickly, perhaps help them with gear and so forth. If the person bringing them in is a greeter, what is the title for the person helping them leave?" I said, "Well, what they're doing is escorting people out, but I don't think the job should be called "Escort" since that's something completely different." She replied, "Well, that's a job you'd be really good at." I said I have other roles at music festivals like running sound and she said, "No, I mean the usual meaning of the word escort." I wasn't sure what to make of it, so I didn't reply and instead, jokingly engaged with the driver of the next car to pass us. We returned to our previous side comments about "yeah, that was the lead woman in the gospel group, she was GREAT!"

After about 5 minutes, though, she said, in a relative monotone, and without looking at me, "I know you're just burning up inside, you really want to ask me why I think you'd make a great male escort."

So, I said, yeah, I am really curious.

So, she said, "You have an amazing ability with women. When they're not feeling good about themselves, you show them why they should. That gets them to open up, and with even a tiny little opening, you read them like a book, you can tell what's troubling them. You make them feel that it's OK to feel badly about things, which men suck at normally. You let them know that just because something sucks right now doesn't mean it's permanent, and doesn't mean it's their fault. Yet you do it in a way that still leaves them with enough of a feeling of responsibility that they feel empowered to do something about it. Then, in bed, your ability to sense, well, me anyway, allows you to see what I need and do it, and your incredible tactile ability with your hands and fingers, which makes you a good piano player, means you can play me exactly the way I ask to be played. I'm sure your past lovers have all praised how well you attend them in bed, without making it all about you. Another thing men suck at."

OK...she's flattering me. Not actually a thing she does that often and never at such length and depth. And when she does, she's usually trying to point me in a direction that I might study as a thing to spend my time doing. But - escort? And I don't deny any of those skills. My visual appearance is - not so much meek, as definitely not assertive...short and pale does not lead people to want to follow a person. So, over my lifetime, I did, intentionally, improve my ability to connect with people in an emotional way, and while I worked in high tech, management came to know me as the "people person" who could make non-functional teams get working again. I was never aware that my physical touch was that good, although I have always known that I enjoy physical contact. So...what she said wasn't a surprise from that point of view.

She isn't into open relationships, that's why her first marriage failed. She has, in the past, suggested things I consider as future ways to earn an income...but...

I did a wee bit of googling about the 'profession'. It almost doesn't exist. People seeking escorts are mostly men, whether they seek male or female. There is a very tiny "mfw" escort business, but the focus is on emotional bonding. The woman wants to feel pampered, something she doesn't get from her current partner...and something I do well. So it's probably a difficult business to actually get going and sustain and of course there's the problem that, unless you draw a hard boundary on 'no sex', it's also illegal. I would have no problems drawing that boundary, by the way, but it may impair the development of long-term clients.

I'm 99.9% certain that this is not a prescription from her, nor a direction I will go, but I'm putting it out there, wondering if it might sow some seeds of other, more legit lines of work, that that particular set of talents might suit me for....


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

DustyDog said:


> I'm 99.9% certain that this is not a prescription from her, nor a direction I will go, but I'm putting it out there....


Perhaps she wants you to role play as an escort for her?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

DustyDog said:


> So, she said, "You have an amazing ability with women. When they're not feeling good about themselves, you show them why they should. That gets them to open up, and with even a tiny little opening, you read them like a book, you can tell what's troubling them. You make them feel that it's OK to feel badly about things, which men suck at normally. You let them know that just because something sucks right now doesn't mean it's permanent, and doesn't mean it's their fault. Yet you do it in a way that still leaves them with enough of a feeling of responsibility that they feel empowered to do something about it. Then, in bed, your ability to sense, well, me anyway, allows you to see what I need and do it, and your incredible tactile ability with your hands and fingers, which makes you a good piano player, means you can play me exactly the way I ask to be played. I'm sure your past lovers have all praised how well you attend them in bed, without making it all about you. Another thing men suck at."


Well I can say with dead certainty she knows what being a male escort is all about. Just say thanks and let her appreciate your talents.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

badsanta said:


> Perhaps she wants you to role play as an escort for her?


She was, in fact, describing how I treat her. And, for the most part, customers I handled when in customer service - I made them feel like they mattered more than anybody.

Kinda just following the guidelines in all the books.


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