# Tired trying - time to move on



## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

After a year of trying anything I could think of to save my marriage without success, I am too tired to continue. I gave my wife an ultimatum; either she starts doing something to save this marriage also, or leave. More on how I delivered that ultimatum later.

She is the one that want to end the marriage. On more than one occassion recently, she told me she has already moved on and I should do the same. I could not bring myself to do that because I still love her very much and I want to keep my marriage so much. It is difficult for me to give up on a 23 year marriage and a 30 year relationship. We met in high school and we were each others first real love.

I feel I am the victim of the classis "Walk Away Wife" syndrome. Let me explain. About 5 years ago our relationship started going downhill. We were still happy but there were problems. Kids were in high school and my daughter had about 4 years left. I believe she planned her exit strategy at that time. Her strategy was to wait until my daughter finished high school, and then she would leave. Well guess what, my daughter will graduate from high school this summer, and my wife has checked out and ready to walk away from the marriage.

So, I see no reason to continue trying and suffering when there is no hope left. Emotionally, I am better prepared now to finally move on. Its still painful everytime it hits me that the only woman I truly loved for my entire life is leaving me, but I am ready to move on now more than ever before.

She has not said what she will do. Although we still live together she does not speak to me so I communicate through email and text message. I sent the ultimatum I mentioned eariler through an email. So far she has not replied to it so I am still waiting. 

This is it for me. I will move on one way or the other. If she refuses to leave then I will leave. If I leave its because I dont want to continue suffering. If I left I'm afraid my kids will see me as the one who abandoned the family. Thats why I dont want to be the one to leave. She wants to end our marriage so she should be the one to leave, not me. So for now, I am waiting for a reply. I will post when I have an update.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I believe that she should be the one to leave, as well. She's the one that is breaking up the family. If she doesn't want to be married, let her leave. 

Just my 2 cents...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Yes, she won't leave. She's getting you to leave her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

Update:
Well she replied to my email. She will not leave now. She will wait for 2 months for my daughter to finish school then she will decide what to do. I think she already decided what she will do she just does not want to tell me so I can remain in Limbo.

Well I told her its okay with me. I dont have a choice anyway so I guess its a waiting game for the next two months. I plan to just be patient. 2 months will go by really quick. In the mean time I will leave her alone and focus on myself and my kids. I feel pretty stable emotionally right now so I think I will be okay for 2 months.


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## HonorTheVow (Mar 29, 2011)

Troy, the good news is you have two months to turn this thing around. I've coached husbands for more than 15 years and it can happen. I can help you with a plan to give it one more shot, but I will need a bit more details from you. Send me an email if you're interested in discussing.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

troy said:


> I feel I am the victim of the classis "Walk Away Wife" syndrome. Let me explain. About 5 years ago our relationship started going downhill. We were still happy but there were problems. Kids were in high school and my daughter had about 4 years left. I believe she planned her exit strategy at that time. Her strategy was to wait until my daughter finished high school, and then she would leave. Well guess what, my daughter will graduate from high school this summer, and my wife has checked out and ready to walk away from the marriage.
> 
> .


I can imagine that this makes a person feel like all of the shared memories are being thrown away, when the other person just shuts down like this. I'm sorry for your pain. When my wife and I discussed divorce after I became more firm in expecting her to address some of the problems her bipolar condition causes, she made the comment that our marriage was just a mistake in her eyes. I know she was only lashing out because I told her that divorce was on the table, but those kind of comments tend to make me more resolute, maybe like you when she has just shut down like this.

I get the impression that you might be beyond the tipping point even if she becomes somewhat more receptive. In other words, she needs to walk in your direction also.

I don't think you should give up on the house, even if it has to be sold as part of the divorce. Of course, much of your response probably depends on what is going to happen to your daughter after high school.

Regardless, your story shows that you are strong, and I hope for the best for you.


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