# Am I getting my hopes up



## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

Well its mumof2 again, and things are a little different today.

I finally stopped crying as I had to go to a friends for lunch. We really did have to go as I was part of her wedding party recently and this was the first get together to see photos etc. 

H came with me, he had a choice but said he would like to come. It was really hard when we first got there, have been avoiding everyone recently for obvious reasons. 

To cut a long story short, we had a nice afternoon, good company helped, but we were quite at ease with each other. Anyway on the way home I was crying AGAIN and when we got home H actually asked me what I wanted.

I told him that ultimately I love him and would like to think that after 21 years we had at least made an effort, but if things really don't work out part of loving someone is letting them go.

So, after alot of discussion, he we agreed that we will start doing the house up (as it needs it anyway) but H will keep an open mind about our relationship and his feelings towards me and that we will both make an effort.

I dont know how sincere he is about all this. His recent behaviour has knocked the stuffing out of me, but what do I do. I want this to work, but he has to too. Is he just saying it to stop me crying (again and again)


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

When he has lived with you as long as he has, and obviously it has not all been bad for him, he will have moments of "feeling sorry" for all the crying he has caused you.

You may want to walk "cautiously" as sometimes things will be up and down...there are quite a few on here who speak of the roller coaster ride......


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## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

I know what you are saying. I would love to believe him but my gut instinct is that he is not really serious.

If he is serious then it is up to him to show that. He has put me through hell, and I cant forget that, why would you want to put anyone through that.

Maybe i am doing him a disservice. maybe thats why he didn't leave in the first place. I really don't know, but I cant let him do this to me again.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You will feel the ups and downs of this relationship hard! One (your husband) didn't change his mind overnight. Perhaps, he wants to try and see what comes of it. 

I've had my hopes up and then down. It is to be expected when these things come up. In fact, I misread everything and think because he touches me there must be SOME feeling left! Everything gives me hope. 

IN the meantime, work on making yourself happy. He will be intrigued with the new you. Perhaps, it will be enough for him to really work on the marriage.


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## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

Its just that after him being so adamant that he would not change his mind, I am struggling to believe this. Don't get me wrong, I desperately want our marriage to work, but I have such huge doubts about his commitment to trying.

I thought I would feel better, but I don't at all. 

I still maintain that had he really wanted to leave me he would have done something about it by now, but he hasn't. Maybe he cant be bothered and thinks if he says he will try he wont have to move out.

Am I reading too much into this. I don't feel I can say this to H.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Who knows what REALLY goes through their minds. Often, they don't really know what they are doing.

You now don't trust his commitment and have every right to do so.

Keep on working on yourself. Either way, it will do you good.


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