# Wife is in a PA/EA



## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

Let me start by giving some history. My wife and I have been together for 15 years on May 23rd. We have been married for 6 years. We have 2 beautiful children they are 7 & 6. We have had a hard path through our relationship. We are high school sweethearts and we have made many mistakes over the course of our relationship. We have broke up and got back together a couple times over the years. I have not always been a good bf, fiancé, or husband. I can sometimes be distant. This is possibly due to my childhood. She is a good woman and I have always been in love with her. I have had both EA and PA's back when we were younger I learned from those mistakes and realized that she was the only woman for me. She had a miscarriage back in 2003 at 5 months of pregnancy we were unaware of the pregnancy until this happened. She moved out and ended our relationship. I tried contacting her throughout this time and she would not answer my calls. I got a new job and started to move on with my life. I started to talk with someone about 4 months after we split and started to have feelings for this girl. Out of the blue one day she contacted me. The other girl that I had feelings for hadn't really stated what her intentions were so, I went and picked up my ex and took her out and all my feelings came flooding back. I was stuck in between feelings for two women. I ended up realizing that I love my hs sweetheart more than anything and I wanted to be with her. We got back together after being split for about six months.

My job required a lot of time away due to the company being a new start up and the industry I am in is 24/7 and I was on call. I was almost always at work and that caused problems at home. Not long after we found out we were pregnant. We were very careful with everything so we did not have another miscarriage. At this time I was still working a ton of hours at work, but I made it to every dr apt with her. Through this time we were doing good in our relationship. Our daughter came and she just reaffirmed that I loved my hs sweetheart and now my new family we had began together. Not long after the birth of my daughter we found out we were pregnant again. We again made sure that we did what we could to ensure that this pregnancy went to term. She wanted to get married and I made the mistake of saying that marriage was just a piece of paper. Hindsight marriage is so much more than that to me at least. We did go down and get married at the courthouse. I was still working a ton of hours at work and she still did not like me being gone as much as I was. I tried explaining that I didn't like it either but it paid the bills and provided us with some extra money. My son came and we moved in with some hs friends that we had known for a very long time. Again, I was not home much and she hated being at the house with people that didn’t seem to want us there. I told her we couldn't afford to move at that time and not to long later our friends decided that they did not want to live there either and got an apt without warning and let us know a week before they moved out. We could not afford the place on our own so we were essentially homeless. We packed everything up put it in her parents shed and moved in with her parents. This whole situation caused so much stress on us. 

Finally, after about 3 months of living with her parents (again) we found a house that we could afford and was big enough for the four of us. She went back to working and I continued working at the job that was consuming my life. We had ups and downs over the next few years but nothing major. I received a promotion at work which took me off call which was huge. I was able to participate in my babies lives more than ever before. Unfortunately my job which had consumed so much of my time over the years had not allowed for us to prosper financially just allowed us to make it. My wife hates the company and thinks they just take advantage of people. I agree but it has always been steady work and money. 

About 2 years ago the day before my wife’s birthday I was at work working late and I get a call from her saying that she is showing signs of a stroke. I called my mom and told her to put my wife in the car and get her to the hospital NOW. Of course I'm working over any hour away and my wife is at the hospital alone until I can get there. They admitted her into the hospital and stat that she has had a TIA (stroke). She was devastated as she was only 28 when she had this. I had my mom watch the kids and I spent the days she was in the hospital with her laying in the bed and holding her. We got out of the hospital and she went right back to our busy lives and buried herself into everything she had going on. 

One day about 2 months after the stroke my wife comes in the room at about 6 am to tell me she is pregnant again I jump up ecstatically and she is crying her eyes out and says I have something to tell you. My heart sank she told me that she had a pa but used protection and felt she had to tell me about it. I was crushed. She professed her love for me but I was crushed. Not knowing this child was mine or not. We talked and talked and had a hard time dealing with the situation. We decided to go and have an abortion. The night after the procedure she was in the bathroom throwing up and I guess I was exhausted from everything that was going on and work did not realize it and she called the guy that she had the PA with and he sat on the phone with her through that process. About a month later she let me know that she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me anymore and needed time to figure it all out. She explained to me what happened and what made her come to this. I was crushed again. But to myself I thought who am I to be the one crushed she is the one that has had a stroke and abortion and doesn’t feel like I was supportive enough through it all. I understood and we went on working on us even though she wasn’t sure what she wanted. After a long 6-8 months she decided that she wanted to be with me and fix our marriage. She cut off all contact with OM. We began working very hard on our marriage. The holidays started to roll around and we had a family vacation planned for the week of Thanksgiving. We went on the vacation and had an amazing time. We were probably the happiest we had been in years. It was the best vacation of my life. We came back and when she went to work on that Monday they gave her notice they would be laying her off and her final day would be 2 weeks before Christmas. She did not take this well at all. We made it through Christmas and she was having a fun being a stay at home mom again. She decided that she was going to work part time for a lawyer’s office just to get her out of the house. February rolled around (our wedding anniversary is in February) and not long after our anniversary she let me know that she was have an EA with the guy from before. I have talked to her until I have been blue in the face and she seems to be shutting me out now. I have tried to be understanding and compassionate. She has stated that she loves me, finds me attractive and we still communicate (not as well as we probably could or should). Last night she stated that she resents me due to the abortion, and every time she looks at me all she thinks of is the abortion and the fact that she resents me for it. She said if there is a way to not see the resentment for the abortion then to tell her. The abortion choice we made has crushed me and hurt me also but I turn to her and it made me love her and want to be with her more. It is the opposite for her which had me lost. 
She says she loves the OM but not the same way that she loves me she still tells me she loves me and we still have sex and are intimate. We go for nightly walks together. I don’t know what to do at this point I feel lost! 

I don't konw if counseling together would help of not. I don't even know if we can afford it or if she would go.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

This is very sad. I'm sorry for all of this.

The bottom line right now, though, is that you have three people in your marriage. This would have to end immediately for you to have a chance, in my opinion.

Is he married? Does he have a girlfriend? What do you know about him?

For you to have a chance of reconciliation, you have to have her end the affair. The other man has to go.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

This simply cannot go on.

She is blaming you for the abortion, but she has to own up to her part in this, and if she can't, then you'll never be able to overcome this. She's the one who slept with another man and was possibly carrying his child, not yours. That's HER fault.

Why didn't you have a paternity test before the abortion, too early? 

I'm sorry OP, but there's only one thing you can do. You must tell her that you will not put up with her seeing another man, period. If she wants to, then I'm afraid your marriage is over.

One of the things you haven't done is to force her to make a choice, and because of that, she can take out her resentment through other men. She's punishing you by cheating on you. 

And realize that she had an affair before and now she's having one again. We call that serial cheating. She may have become one, a compulsive cheater, and if she has, you had better walk away as fast as you can.

She has to make a choice. If she can't or if she refuses, then realize that your marriage is over, no matter how much she says she loves you.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

I am sorry you are here but she is giving you a line of crap.

I never been in your shoes about making a choice about having an abortion with my wife --- but think about this --- she engaged in a PA with another man -- didn't use protection -- still having sex with you --- gets pregnant and doesn't know if you or OM is the father --- thus you both make a decision to get an abortion. -- now she blames you. If she didn't have an affair -- you would have had the baby --- tell her to look herself in the mirror because she alone did this.

She has never gotten over OM -- you seem to be her plan B.

Re-read what you wrote -- this appears to be clear to me IMO.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Sorry to see you here. More people will come to help you out. Anything bolded and underlined can be googled or searched here for more info.

First off she is *cake eating* and she is probably lying about having an EA and it is actually a PA that she is down playing it. Which is called *Trickle truth*. 

You need to do the *180*. That is in my link down below.

Do not beg or try to be the nice guy as it will not work and do the opposite. 

Here is a simple reality 
1. She is going to leave regardless 
2. She is on the fence. 

DO NOT TRY TO NICE YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS. There are dozens upon dozens of post of people FAILING trying to nice their way out of these affairs. I was one of those guys and lost my family.

You need to basically show her the door and try to pretend to move on with your life like she does not matter. Bite your tongue until it bleeds if you feel the need to cry in front of her. Find someone else who's shoulder you can cry on. Come here and post and cry as you post. 

But you cannot appear weak in front of her. 

As for the abortion, you need to make it crystal clear that was both of your decisions based on her actions. Nothing more and nothing less.. Make sure she understands that it was her that was unsure and that is why SHE came to you to tell you the truth about the pregnancy.

Mind you this could be an *exit affair* which if that is the case, there is nothing you can really do. Basically she is using this affair and the excuse of the abortion as a reason to get divorced. She does not have the courage to basically ask you for a divorce straight out, so she will force your hand to getting the divorce since she does not have the courage to do it herself.


Exit affairs last longer then normal affairs as there is a stronger bond as they use the divorce situation to keep them together against the common enemy which is you.

I know it is extremely hard but you need to basically show her that you don't care and you are ready to move on with or without her. Again it was impossible for me at the time as well. But I do truly believe if I had the courage and the strength that I might have been able to save my marriage. Again that is part of what the 180 is about. It is to help you prepare for the worst and give you some courage and survival techniques.

The stronger you are and the harder you are at hitting her emotionally with this the faster she will come around. It pretty much is a shock to her system because she will be expecting you to beg or ask her back. Doing the opposite will cause her to start to wonder if she might be making a mistake. 

But other then that if she is intent on leaving then none of that will matter so again if she is going to leave then trust me she will leave. Your not going to do anything that will force her to go. 

But begging and trying to convince her your the right man for her will surely make her leave that much faster. 

I am pretty sure that while I was begging for my ex wife to stay the other man was telling her that he was done with her if she didn't make up her mind. That is when she really went off the deep end with me. I became a piece a garbage to her over night. Again my story is in my link if you want to see what you SHOULDN'T DO.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Sorry you are here. You have to be firm and tough at this point but not abusive. First you have to tell her she cuts this guy off right know or she is out.

You need to expose the A to your family, hers and your friends. You need to bust this OM POS as well. Is he married, relationship?

Get checked for STD's and if your wife is going to try to fix this make her go asap.

Get into MC right away. Just remember that R is a very hard road. You will always be worried about what she is doing trust is very hard to rebuild


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

trulovewillnvrlose said:


> Last night she stated that she resents me due to the abortion, and every time she looks at me all she thinks of is the abortion and the fact that she resents me for it. She said if there is a way to not see the resentment for the abortion then to tell her.


 Oh really?!?!? Then, she really must resent the OM because she was cheating on you with him and got HERSELF into that situation. NOT YOU! You had nothing to do with that. Had she kept her legs closed, there wouldn't be a problem.

See, this REALLY ticks me off! A lot of women are all chanting PRO CHOICE, PRO CHOICE!!! But, when they make the choice, they turn around and blame the man for THEIR CHOICES!!!

Dude, she's blame shifting. Funny how she resents you but not the OM. Like, he didn't have a hand in this at all. 

That whole situation wasn't your fault at all. So, don't take the blame for her bad decisions.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

The advice you have received so far is spot on. You have 3 people in a marriage. The abortion was mutually agreed to if I read your post correctly. And it was agreed to because of her infidelity. She doesn't seem to know love with you. She sees you as "handy" and a "comforter" those are roles for husbands - but not a husband's sole role. 

Get to a lawyer and find out what your responsibilities are. Check into the background of her EA partner. It's likely the law dog is acting unethically. 

What do YOU want?


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## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

ReRaphaelite- It was to early to have a paternity test done. I regret the decision we made together every day. I guess I handle the regret differently.

Hardtohandle- Thank you for you insight and the wealth of info. I will be researching the links you provided.

Mahike-The OM is not in any kind of a relationship so it would be hard to expose him to anyone around him. I have no family that I associate with, with the exception of my mother. Her family is my family. They love me and think I am a great person. I have been talking to her brother and one of her cousins about some of what has been going on but I have not wnet into great detail in regards to any of it yet.

Walkonmars- to answer your question I want to keep my family together. I myself did not have any stability growing up and I do not want that for my children. I have always been able to walk away from anyone and I mean anyone but I have not been able to do that with my wife.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

DNA test your kids.

Tell your wife she leaves since she is the one who broke the marriage vows.

Sorry you're here


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## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

There is no need to test my kids They are little clones of me.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

trulovewillnvrlose said:


> ReRaphaelite- It was to early to have a paternity test done. I regret the decision we made together every day. I guess I handle the regret differently.
> 
> Hardtohandle- Thank you for you insight and the wealth of info. I will be researching the links you provided.
> 
> ...


And if your wife continues with her affair while saying she loves you, are you going to keep insisting on keeping your marriage? 

Here is the flaw in your view: you are enabling her affair. Yes, you are.


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## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

PreRaphaelite- I was asked a question and answered it. I did not state that I would insist on keeping my marriage is my wife continued. I understand that at this point I am enabling the affair. That is why I decided to post.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Hi,

If you haven't already, it might be worth reading a few stories of betrayed spouses - mine is linked below.

The bottom line and very, very clear lesson from *every* story is that cheaters must stop cheating before you can do anything and that you must be prepared to lose your marriage in order to save it.

Yours is a harrowing story and I am sorry you have come to this place because of your wife's selfishness, arrogance and contempt for you and your marriage.

Get tough - even if it feels counter-intuitive.

You don't really know what is going on in your wife's head or heart and neither, in fact, does she. 

You will only find out by giving her a real choice - you or him.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

trulovewillnvrlose, you are in the right place. Every story unfolds a little different, but there is a very common thread that flows through them. 

One thing has been proven time and time again, there can be only one. (Poorly time sarcastic reference to Highlander). But in all seriousness, she needs to choose. You or him. You will never be happy while she gets to live off you and have him in her life. It's pain on top of pain, layered in pain topped off with a **** sandwich. 

Your fear right now is, what if she chooses him? That is a valid fear. And you need to come to grips with it or you are correct, you will enable the affair. The moment you no longer fear losing her is the moment you will see the situation with more clarity. You will know what to do then and it may still suck, and the outcome may or may not work out. But action almost always beats inaction.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

You have a major problem True--the abortion. Either one of two things is happening:
1. The abortion is a ruse used as an excuse to jettison you.

2. The abortion is a real issue with her and one she will not get over.

In either case my man, you're history or you will be playing second fiddle in favor of her main squeeze. (if you want to view that as a best case scenario, it may turn out where she will stay with you and resent you the rest of her life for "influencing" her to have an abortion. That's really the way it went down, right? )


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

She is manipulating your guilt over a shared decision in a traumatic life circumstance to justify and continue her deplorable behavior.

First, as others have stated, it was her own horrible choices that created the circumstance in the first place. 

Second, it was a MUTUAL decision. She doesn't get to pretend it was all yours now.

Stop allowing her manipulation. 

Also, decisions made out of guilt are almost always flawed. They are different in spirit and effect from decisions based on lessons learned from past mistakes.

Decisions made from guilt almost always involve a sacrifice of your person or principles. Decisions based on life lessons, on the other hand, come from a stronger and wiser you.

Allowing her to continue her affair under these circumstances is a decision coming from your guilt. 

In addition, if she continues this affair, who can tell when you might end up right back in the same situation that led to the trauma in the first place.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Can a person with a severe illness be a selfish person ?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Can a person with a severe illness be a selfish person ?


This is what I also think.

OP, Are all the troubles you say she was facing are not "made up" to inject guilt or justify her affair?

Something gravely missing!


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

You need to take steps to end the affair. The guilt that your wife is laying on you for aborting her love child with the OM is disgusting.

Presumably she signed whatever consent was necessary for the procedure. She has no right at all to resent you.

The reason she called the OM is because it was his baby. Don't blame yourself for not being there for her'. Utter BS. YOU had to deal with the joy of hearing that your wife was pregnant again, to hearing the baby wasn't yours. Was she there for you? After working your arse off for her and your two children and standing by her through serious illness, this is how you're repaid? What did she do for putting you in that awful situation? 

She is trying to keep two men in her life. Three is one too many for a marriage. You both need to take steps to end the affair.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

You said earlier that you handled the regret over the abortion differently.

Correct. But you both view it differently. 

You are upset it came to that, all brought about by her inability to remain faithful. You regret having to make the decision, not knowing whether it was yours or not.

She on the other hand could well be of the mindset that she wanted to keep the baby regardless. She doesn't mind if you are the father or if he is. It is her baby, she is definitely the mother, and that was the only sure thing. So, she had no real reason to get rid. If she was happy to sleep with another man, she sure won't mind you bringing up another man's baby! And you were the only person with a problem in that. Therefore, all your fault! 

How would she feel if she had the baby, it wasn't yours, and she became a single mother of 3, 2 different dads, while you became a single dad of 2, and OM was nowhere to be seen. Bringing up a baby on her own with no support, as well as the other 2 which she would have her visitation rights with? How much resentment would she feel then? And to whom? 

She has absolutely no right to feel angry or resentful to you. None whatsoever. She is being totally selfish....verging on a nutcase. I would get her some mental health help if I were you the next time she starts complaining at you! Tell her she needs a doctor, and pronto, to help her deal with her amazingly self centred and selfish and totally warped views.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

I think first the abortion has to be dealt with.

Talk with her about what happened to your both opinions (just hearing, not discussing) and report back your both views to eachother.

Then the same with eachothers feeling about these facts. 

Then please give that info back to this forum.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I think you should let her know you are prepared to let her go and you and the kids will be fine and looking for a new wife and mom just as she is looking for a new life.

Put the shoe on the other foot.

Can you also download divorce packets there?


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

She got knocked up by someone else and why she thought you will be ok raising some douchbags child?

Her resentments for abortion is her way of manipulation and having her fun right under your nose. Stop this nonsense first.

Take a stand and follow it like a man, you will find your way out of this problem.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> The reason she called the OM is because it was his baby.


This seems pretty obvious, OP.

You really do have to bite the bullet and force her to make a choice. You or him. With him in the picture, your marriage won't recover. Either she chooses you and you do the hard work of trying to reconcile, or she chooses him and she learns the hard way the consequences of her choice.

You don't have happy choices here, I know, but you can choose to be strong.


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## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

Thank you everyone for you suggestions and thoughts on my situation. I am doing some major soul searching right now. I have not bit the bullet as of yet and dont know when I will be able to. I have began doing the 180 at this point and will be laying down the ultimatum soon. Everytime I think ok I'm gonna do it I lose the words when we are together. I know it sounds stupid but it is what it is. I have been talking alot with some of her family (not giving details just kinda hinting around) The ones I talk to seem to be on my side so hopefully when I do set the ultimatum I will have the support from her (my) family. One thing I know for sure is I will be making an appt with a IC so I can work on my personal issues. This situation is killing me emotionally, However I have became much closer with my children and I am spending much more time with them doing just little things and that seems to make me feel at ease somewhat. Well thats what I have go for now again thank you everyone.


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## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

Well, we have sat and discussed alot of things like civilized adults. I told her were I stand and that it's him or me. I was beyond nervous and didn't know if I was going to be able to get it out. However, I did. We are going to start MC and IC in the near future to begin our R. We shall see how it goes. She knows that she will have to get out of our home if there is a slip up at all. I made it very clear. I will keep everyone posted on how all is going. She seemed genuine in wanting to R and fix our marriage.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Good for you. Be very watchful of her actions. When people are caught cheating, its hard for them to stop... She may say one thing but do something totally different.

Consider a VAR- Voice Activated Recorder etc... I would hold off on MC until you find one that is worth their salt. I went to one that was awful, actually helped speed up my D... She just listened to my wife at the time and let my wife dictate how I was an awful husband to justify her cheating...

Find someone with Reconciliation in mind and someone who is tough on her and you for that matter and will not be wishy washy etc...

She will have to do the heavy lifting in this, but there are things you know you could work on. It may be best if the MC gives you to dos anyway. It will help your marriage and also your wife won't feel as though it's a gang up on her time. 

If the OM has a significant other, you probably should tell the significant other. It will help them from going underground... Cheaters tend to get sneaky when caught.

Good luck to you. I am sorry you are here.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Well wish you luck. But doesn't it bother you the least bit that she was reluctant to abort another man's child but still wanted to stay married to you?


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## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Good for you. Be very watchful of her actions. When people are caught cheating, its hard for them to stop... She may say one thing but do something totally different.
> 
> Consider a VAR- Voice Activated Recorder etc... I would hold off on MC until you find one that is worth their salt. I went to one that was awful, actually helped speed up my D... She just listened to my wife at the time and let my wife dictate how I was an awful husband to justify her cheating...
> 
> ...


I am doing alot of research on MC before I make a decision on where to go. I have measures in place to ensure things are not going on. 

The OM doesn't have any significant other. Which sucks but it is what it is. I will be confronting the POS soon. 

I have spoke with a couple people in her family and one of our friends to expose what she has been doing and they have helped remind her what she would be losing. 

I began using some of the 180 ideals and it has helped me realize some things that I have done to help attribute to all of this. I am going to seek IC for my own insecurities and abandonment issues that I know stem from my childhood. 

We will see how all of this plays our in the future. I will continue to update this thread and hopefully you all will continue with your words of wisdom.


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## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

bjornfree - Having an abortion is a very tough decision no matter the circumstances. The abortion was done due to the fact we were not SURE who's child it was. She said that protection was used but we could not be sure the child was mine. The regret started after the abortion not when we went down to have it done. Wether the child was mine or not has no bearing on the regret that I feel due to having it done, because the what if it was mine is in my head at all times. 

I do not have ill feelings towards my wife for the regret that she feels. I am however pissed off at the fact that there is resentment towards me for a decision that we made. The whole story and situation is ****ed up, but it has happened and I cannot change the past. I can only move forward and try to fix myself and my marriage. If my marriage is not fixable then so be it I will survive whatever happens. I have two other children that will pull me through and make me want to be a better man.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Is she still in contact with her affair partner?

Keep monitoring and don't let your guard down lest you find yourself staring at another DDay in the future.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

trulovewillnvrlose said:


> bjornfree - Having an abortion is a very tough decision no matter the circumstances. The abortion was done due to the fact we were not SURE who's child it was. She said that protection was used but we could not be sure the child was mine. The regret started after the abortion not when we went down to have it done. Wether the child was mine or not has no bearing on the regret that I feel due to having it done, because the what if it was mine is in my head at all times.
> 
> I do not have ill feelings towards my wife for the regret that she feels. I am however pissed off at the fact that there is resentment towards me for a decision that we made. The whole story and situation is ****ed up, but it has happened and I cannot change the past. I can only move forward and try to fix myself and my marriage. If my marriage is not fixable then so be it I will survive whatever happens. I have two other children that will pull me through and make me want to be a better man.


Sorry, I have to throw this one in because if I were in your shoes, I'd be EXTREMELY pissed at HER because I might have lost MY child because of her actions.

My ex-wife and I ended up aborting a child. It still haunts me to this day that I have 3 children and not 4. This was 14 years ago and I still tear up if I listen to "Lightening Crashes" by Live. (it's a trigger song for me about the abortion). SO yeah, her resentment TOWARDS YOU, is WHOLLY misplaced and NEEDS to be fixed.

Its good you're looking at yourself and what you can fix, but please be careful. Very often the BS carries 50% of the load of the problems but is actually only responsible for 10% of the true problems.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

trulovewillnvrlose said:


> Well, we have sat and discussed alot of things like civilized adults. I told her were I stand and that it's him or me. I was beyond nervous and didn't know if I was going to be able to get it out. However, I did. We are going to start MC and IC in the near future to begin our R. We shall see how it goes. She knows that she will have to get out of our home if there is a slip up at all. I made it very clear. I will keep everyone posted on how all is going. She seemed genuine in wanting to R and fix our marriage.


Good for you, it can't have been easy.

A lot of talk in your subsequent posts about the abortion. Rightly, it weighs on both your minds. Ultimately it was a symptom (not trivialising in anyway) of your wife's decision to have an affair.

What has she said about that? Was she appropriately forthcoming about details? Where/how did she meet him? How long did it last? How did she end it? Has she gone No Contact. Did she send a NC letter?


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## trulovewillnvrlose (May 20, 2013)

Well it has been awhile since i've been on here. We have been looking for an MC however we have yet to find one locally that we feel comfortable with. I take everything day by day and don't let what happened or her mood dictate mine. I have taken this time to look at options to better myself and decided I needed to get back into school (for myself and kids). I've also been able to occupy my time with preparing for the kids up coming football/cheer season. It has gave me some escape when things get a more rough than normal. I'm unsure where my marriage is heading but we are working on everything (even w/o a MC). We started to figure out how to communicate more (we stop communicating awhile back) instead of just being informative to each other. I have all her login info and passwords compliments of snooping and other items. After I got them I asked her to give me the same info and compared what was given vs what I know they were and I was surprised that it all matched.

We have a long hard road ahead of us for R, but I think we may have found a turning point. We are goning to continue to look for a MC that we feel comfortable with. I will continue to update as to status of how I am doing and the progress of our R.


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