# My husband can't forgive me.



## MChiger (Nov 28, 2017)

.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

What exactly makes you think you deserve for him to stay?


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

What were the circumstances of the affair. How did your husband find out? Was there lies and betrayal that he stumbled upon, were you mean to him whilst the affair was going on? Did you confess to him. We are unable to help you if we do not have a clear and honest picture of the circumstances.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

The circumstances/details don't matter. He can't get past it...it's a chance you took. If you love him, you let him go.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

No. You're wrong. He tried it for seven months because he wanted to be sure he wasn't doing something he would regret. He thought it possible that he might want the marriage. But no more. It was a good try, but experience teaches that when the kind of force you used breaks a marriage, it makes it impossible to love. There's too much hurt to heal. When he tells you it's over, he's not saying it in hot blood. He's telling you what he has learned is the plain truth. There is nothing you can do about it. It's a done deal. Contemplate this on the tree of woe. 

It's no longer a matter of you deserving him or being worthy or being a different person from the cheating one. It just doesn't matter. You could be perfection personified, and he would still feel nothing when he looks at you. You're just someone he used to know who hurt him beyond anything he thought possible. And you did it for the basest false coin possible. 

Work on yourself for yourself. With enough work, one day you will be worthy of a relationship, if that's what you want. But it won't be with him. It's a very old and common situation. It will always be a sad thing for you.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Cheating is a deal breaker for many people. Myself included. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done. If he is unable to get past this, there is nothing you can do anymore. 

You made your bed...


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

MChiger said:


> I did the worse thing possible and had an affair on my husband 9 months ago. For the past 7 month we have been trying to fix things. I have done everything possible to show him *I want him and love only him*. He knows I have tried everything. However, after 7 months he says he wants to call it quits bc he is just unable to forgive no matter how hard he tries bc the pain is too much. What else can I try. I know he want our marriage or he wouldn't have tried for 7 months. Please help. Ill do anything.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Then why did you do it?

He must ask that, does he? What is your answer?

If you love him so much and yet cheated how can he trust you in the future?


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

MChiger said:


> I did the worse thing possible and had an affair on my husband 9 months ago. For the past 7 month we have been trying to fix things. I have done everything possible to show him I want him and love only him. He knows I have tried everything. However, after 7 months he says he wants to call it quits bc he is just unable to forgive no matter how hard he tries bc the pain is too much.


oh well, them's the breaks.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sometimes in life you make decisions that have life lasting consequences. This is one of those times. You decision changed the whole path of both your lives. Unfortunately you ended your marriage the moment you decided to have an affair. You should still try to fix yourself as you don't want to make the same mistake again.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The Oval Dude on the Wall.
The one that got knocked off.

His shell broken.
You know, all the Kings men cannot put together.

The only thing that might, a small might, not mighty is..
Is time.

Go ahead with the divorce, stop fighting the inevitable.
Tell him after the divorce, you would like to date him...
Just like before you got married.
Make sure you tell him this. That you messed up, you admit it.
And you have no right to remain in this marriage. 

But, as a lady who wants to date you after the divorce, you are ready.
Tell him that you love him and you understand his feeling.

Divorce and separation is a form of punishment for your broken vows.
He can save face by divorcing you, by exiling you from his life.

He needs to show his family and his friends that he got retribution. His pride will find some solace.

Look at getting him back into your' life as a five year' goal.
Chances are you will meet someone else, and he will be forgotten...again.

Try this. You have nothing to lose. You already lost it.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Well, some men are such emasculated weak doormats that they would crawl in order to keep their woman. 
2. There are men that try and do forgive, because various reasons, such as kids, money, love, etc.
3. Other men would try, and find out that they just can't forgive without losing their self respect, so they end the relationship. Your husband might be in this category.
4. Then, you have the majority of men around the world: it doesn't matter the who, why, when, and where, just that you did. Game over, marriage over.

OP, all you can do is to offer your husband the acceptance of his decision with the understanding that you'll be there for him for a period of time hoping and working on yourself to be a better you that would never ever do such a thing again so that he can try to establish a new relationship with you. Other than that, probably there's not much you can do at this time, but to keep pushing forward in the hope that he will reconsider in the future.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

Reverse psychology just leave act like your done with him start the divorce process and just go own with your life. Turn the tables on him see if you can get a reaction. Most likey he may change his tone.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jlcrome said:


> Reverse psychology just leave act like your done with him start the divorce process and just go own with your life. Turn the tables on him see if you can get a reaction. Most likey he may change his tone.


Ah, the 180.

Wouldn’t really work well for her on this case.

It’d work great for him (if she did it), though.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

jlcrome said:


> Reverse psychology just leave act like your done with him start the divorce process and just go own with your life. Turn the tables on him see if you can get a reaction. Most likey he may change his tone.


Boy if I had a cheating wife who copped an attitude and even _suggested_ that she might no longer want the marriage, I'd be gone faster than a toupee in a hurricane. If anything, a betrayed spouse will test your commitment by seeing how hard you'll fight. Although in your case it might be too far gone.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I'd be gone faster than a toupee in a hurricane.


Ha :laugh:


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

If you decide to stick with him no matter what he says, keep this in mind: You will reach this decision, because you think he will give up completely when he sees you leave him alone. That he will think you gave up, not doing anything.

Actually it's quite the opposite. When he says "Leave me alone" or "I need time to think", he means just that - no underlying meanings. If you keep pestering him, he will become angrier.

Just make sure to listen to what he says.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Seeing as you've removed your post, it's safe to assume that you didn't like what you heard from us and you are gone. I'll ask anyway:

How was your affair discovered? Was it discovered or did you confess? Who was the OM? Someone your husband knows or just a random stranger?

If you decide to come back and take solid advice, you can start by answering these, and other questions asked by other members.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

What I was going to ask is how she thought it went during the 7 months. If it was a struggle and it felt like any every day would be her last with him (walking out the door), then I think it just took it's course and he finally gave in/up, lost hope and tried and just couldn't do it. If it seemed at times a few months in, that things were going ok and it was decent and there was a sense of hope and it suddenly changed again at the 7 month mark. Leads me to believe that he found someone else?


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Why do I have the feeling OP is long gone.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

Yep. Sometimes, you wish you'd never asked, huh?


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Quote:
Originally Posted by MChiger View Post
I did the worse thing possible and had an affair on my husband 9 months ago. For the past 7 month we have been trying to fix things. I have done everything possible to show him I want him and love only him. He knows I have tried everything. However, after 7 months he says he wants to call it quits bc he is just unable to forgive no matter how hard he tries bc the pain is too much.



jlcrome said:


> Reverse psychology just leave act like your done with him start the divorce process and just go own with your life. Turn the tables on him see if you can get a reaction. Most likey he may change his tone.


To quote @sokillme 
You hear all the time that the BS has to eat a **** sandwich, but most of the time the WS -- IS the **** sandwich.

To be honest, a cheating spouse is much like the package of spoiled meat in the meat tray in the icebox. It sits there and drains its rotting fluid (betrayal and lies) into the crisper (marriage). Eventually even the most stubborn of people can't handle the smell and end up tossing it out. Smart people toss it at the first sign of spoilage.

Quite simply, a cheater is not worth having. They are not a prize. They are nothing to be cherished. They need to be tossed on their ass the second they are found out.

As another poster put it so clearly, a cheater is the equivalent of a drunk driver. Got drunk with lust and had collision with another person's genitals. Now we have another marriage fatality.

Sickening!


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

You played with fire and got burned. It happens. Learn from it and move on.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

hey since it seems the op has wiped the post and skipped town, should this thread be locked?


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

It is impossible for some men and nearly impossible for other men to go back to a poisoned well. You have poisoned the well that is your marriage. Learn from this and move on, if you love him give him what he wants and needs now by giving him some peace. It is the least you can do since you betrayed him and your marriage.


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