# What does it mean when your wife says, "I need my space"



## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

Married 10yrs. Going thru a divorce. Moved out 3 months ago. Still see wife and kids. Wife recently said, "I need my own space" Question for women, what does that mean?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

It means give her space. Of which the fact that you’re getting a divorce, this should have already been obvious to you.


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## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

Personal said:


> It means give her space. Of which the fact that you’re getting a divorce, should have already made that obvious to you.


But we still talk and text almost everyday. Not exactly signing papers yet. Seems like she still wants to work things out. She said this a couple of days ago.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

It means, “We are divorcing and I need to be away from you so I can figure things out.” Or, “I need you to back off, but I don’t want to say ‘back off’ because it’s mean.”

Kinda means, ya know, what she said.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rob78 said:


> But we still talk and text almost everyday. Not exactly signing papers yet. Seems like she still wants to work things out. She said this a couple of days ago.


So leave her the hell alone then.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

...


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

Space is the void one needs to collect their **** and get the heck out. Space is a little like separation.. it never ends well.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If I were saying that I wouldn't still be texting you everyday but that doesn't mean she doesn't mean it. What I would mean by that is that I was seeing too much of the person and needed a bunch of alone time or time not with the person. It would mean I was feeling smothered by the person. For example an introvert might need to have more time off by themselves without being checked up on in a room than time with you or not..

She's saying she wants space and you guys are getting a divorce so there is absolutely no reason to not get a divorce, but unless there's a specific reason for communicating each other I would recommend you both stop doing that. It sounds like it's giving you hope.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You need to work on detaching from her. She very likely has someone new in her life and wants space to test drive that relationship without you being around. 

You need to do a 180 when it comes to your dealings with her. Dial back your interactions. The more you engage, the more you will want to work things out? 

Start working on developing yourself. Start or restart a hobby that gets you interacting with others so you can build your social circle. Also work on improving yourself as a man. Workout to get yourself in shape, take a course to improve your career or to be a better cook or something that interest you. Also take care of your appearance (haircut, beard, clothes, hygiene, etc). That last one is to boost your confidence. Liking what you see in the mirror will give your self esteem a much needed boost.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I want space = I need you out of the picture so I can test drive my new man


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Rob78 said:


> But we still talk and text almost everyday. Not exactly signing papers yet. Seems like she still wants to work things out. She said this a couple of days ago.


Well, that may be how things have gone thus far but it may soon change. It's hard for anyone to detach if they handle things the way you have been. She may be wanting space to figure out if she wants to work things out or not, or to proceed with the divorce if she has decided on that. It may have been triggered by meeting someone new.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

It sounds better and hurts less than GTFOH. 

Don't misinterpret the minimal contact as a sign of interest. You share kids, she pretty much has to communicate.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It means back off unless I decide I need you for something.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Rob78 said:


> But we still talk and text almost everyday. Not exactly signing papers yet. Seems like she still wants to work things out. She said this a couple of days ago.


It means, MUCH LESS OF THIS ☝
now is it her that is sending the text or she is responding to them ,
when you say NOT EXACTLY signing papers yet , which one of you is still living in hope , 
If your just waiting on a court date someone is going to be very suprised the day the judge calls you two up 
first why are you getting a Divorce , 
second have you been to MC ?
AS she is not the one here how do you feel about the Divorce ,
Do you want to all so work things out ,

because even though at least one of you is still thinking there is hope the legal boys are still doing their bit full steam ahead , it is only a matter of time


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Why not ask her?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> Why not ask her?


 it looks that he is getting mixed messages from his wife , she seem to be wanting him just not too close but don't want him too far , 

seems to be using the children as a way to keep in contact , but then wants to push him away , a game of pull and push


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> it looks that he is getting mixed messages from his wife , she seem to be wanting him just not too close but don't want him too far ,
> 
> seems to be using the children as a way to keep in contact , but then wants to push him away , a game of pull and push


Yes. So ask. 
W: _I need my own space_
M: _Yes. I can understand that._ _So is there something you want me to do different?_

How hard would that be? There are so many things she could mean.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

It usually means she wants to be doing things she doesn’t want you seeing.
So stay away.

make a schedule to see your kids - stick to it. The marriage is ending - so just focus on being a consistent and good dad.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rob78 said:


> But we still talk and text almost everyday. Not exactly signing papers yet. Seems like she still wants to work things out. She said this a couple of days ago.


It means you are number 2, still in the picture if things go wrong.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Boy, you guys all love guessing-games!


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

It means the marriage is over 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rob78 said:


> Married 10yrs. Going thru a divorce. Moved out 3 months ago. Still see wife and kids. Wife recently said, "I need my own space" Question for women, what does that mean?


That you are crowding her. You are getting a divorce yet still seeing her and talking to her every day? 
Make an arrangement to have the children for certain times of the week and don't have any contact unless it's strictly about the children. 
There is no need to have so much contact, you have to accept its over and start cutting the ties.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

I don’t think it means the marriage is over. Well, for you it does. But l If that was the case, we woulda divorced 20 years ago. Sometimes, people need their own time alone. Cant be together 100% of each waking hour. Give her space. You get space. It works.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Rob78 said:


> Married 10yrs. Going thru a divorce. Moved out 3 months ago. Still see wife and kids. Wife recently said, "I need my own space" Question for women, what does that mean?


Wants you gone so she can bang other man.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Rob78 said:


> Married 10yrs. Going thru a divorce. Moved out 3 months ago. Still see wife and kids. Wife recently said, "I need my own space" Question for women, what does that mean?


In another context I would say sent her to space ASAP. Permanently. Provide her an adequate astronaut suit, of course. 
In this specific one, divorcing, she means "I need my space"
And as you are by now and in fact her Ex it seems she haves the right to.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Rob78 said:


> But we still talk and text almost everyday. Not exactly signing papers yet. Seems like she still wants to work things out. She said this a couple of days ago.


Go do your own thing, do not reach out to her unless you absolutely have to. Short responses if she reaches out to you, avoid text 'conversations'. Find something for YOU that will help get your mind off her and get you around positive people you enjoy. And do not talk about her to everyone you meet.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Rob78 said:


> But we still talk and text almost everyday. Not exactly signing papers yet. Seems like she still wants to work things out. She said this a couple of days ago.


From what you're sharing here, it sounds like she's testing the waters (dating others) and then wants to keep one foot in the marriage, just in case the grass isn't all that much greener.

If she was signing the papers and not asking to work things out, and YOU were texting every day, and acting needy...then, your wife saying ''I need some space'' would be from a different place. It would mean she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but it's over.

But, the fact that she's wanting to possibly work things out, but also wants her space...it tells me that she'll divorce you if someone better comes along. Her texting you daily gives you hope. Keeps you going along. 

People aren't all that complex, really. We just don't like to see the worst in people we ''love.'' Just my thoughts, anyway.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Sure it can mean there is somebody else, but she wouldn’t be talking to you as much as she appears to be.

My take…she wants to see if she really needs you in her life. Emotionally…does she miss you, is she lonely without you. Physically…not sexually, but will she miss having you around to do stuff for her (change the oil in the car, etc).

Either way, it’s not a good sign. I would suggest backing away and only contact her when necessary about your children. Don’t beg, plead or talk about reconciliation. That will only push her away right now. Let her come to you. Work on yourself…make those changes she always wanted. But do not pursue. She wants space, give it to her. Eventually you want to get her in marriage counseling to address the issue she has. But now is not the time.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Rob78 said:


> _*But we still talk and text almost everyday. Not exactly signing papers yet. Seems like she still wants to work things out. She said this a couple of days ago.*_


You moved OUT 3 months ago and she "wants space?"

Yeah, that's not a good sign. Stop acting needy and desperate. There's NOTHING less attractive than a needy, desperate man.



Rob78 said:


> _*Married 10yrs. Going thru a divorce. Moved out 3 months ago. Still see wife and kids. Wife recently said, "I need my own space" Question for women, what does that mean?*_


I'm guessing it's because you're going over there too much. Stop haunting her and going to her house.

If you want to see your kids, take them to YOUR house and actually *parent *them, don't stop in all the time like some Uncle who drops by for an hour or two but has NO involvement in the actual *work* of parenting them. Take them for a weekend or for a few days and *actually parent them.* Jesus.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

In that context it means she wants to start dating again & wants you to be only minimally involved in her life


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Ok, so you're 3months into a divorce. Think brother, what does she mean by space? Hhhmmmm...can mean many things, or exactly what she said. Of course our mind movies run rampant during events such as these in our lives! As a man I will say this. Accept what is happening. You're living somewhere else, she's still there with all of the reminders of your lives together, especially the kids. Divorce isn't easy no matter who initiated it. Its not a win/lose sport. Everyone loses. An immense amount of pain on both sides regardless of the reason for it. She has asked for "space" to be able to see herself beyond the 10 years of collected life together, you, the children and divorce itself. It's the same thing you need as well. 
The bad part is this. From a phycological point, men do have a harder time letting go. We are wired different emotionally. We are snails shells and puppy dog tails. They are sugar and spice and everything nice. Even our nursery rhymes teach us we are different. Men take longer to emotionally let themselves go completely in relationships, yet when we do, we are all in! Women will ease into it and seem to always be able to compartmentalize their physical and emotional parts better. That also allows them to let go better and faster most times. For men it it can be brutal, total and abject feelings of loss and failure.
Everyone here can say so many things about this, but at the end of the day, you know what and why it is happening and must accept it for what it is and start to live a new life again starting this moment with you. The folks here have taught me a new word and meaning....hopium. it's no joke. It's a real thing.learn from the people here. Learn to live again. You have value and meaning as well and so do your children. Live for you, live for them.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

She’s mind-****ing you. Stringing you along, while she tests the waters and bedrooms of another man or men.


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

Captain Obvious said:


> She’s mind-****ing you. Stringing you along, while she tests the waters and bedrooms of another man or men.


Yep exactly this. You are "Plan B" at best.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

It usually means, "let me test drive this other guy and see how that works and then i'll get back to you"


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It means she will test drive some strange kock and if it doesn’t work out she still has a hook in your mouth.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Rob78 said:


> Married 10yrs. Going thru a divorce. Moved out 3 months ago. Still see wife and kids. Wife recently said, "I need my own space" Question for women, what does that mean?


Moving out was a huge mistake, on a number of levels.
As others have said, it means there’s another man/men in the picture now.


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## Annonymous Joe (9 mo ago)

Rob78 said:


> Married 10yrs. Going thru a divorce. Moved out 3 months ago. Still see wife and kids. Wife recently said, "I need my own space" Question for women, what does that mean?


I'm confused here...you said you're going through a divorce, and she said she needs her own space. Yeah, no kidding. It's called a divorce. Whatever you do, do not move out of the house and contact a lawyer ASAP, if you haven't already. Let me tell you about what "space" means in a marriage, she's trying to use "nice" words to get you out of the house while the divorce is ongoing. What that means...you just lost leverage in maintaining the marital home and now you will have to fight hard to get back in, if you want it. 

If you do, you just cost yourself thousands more in legal fees. Sorry to be so blunt, playing the nice game will get you stomped on. Chances are she knows the divorce laws very well, sadly, many do before it gets to this point. The person filing for divorce is always months, if not years, ahead of the person served. It's just reality and not gender specific. I don't know what has led you both to this point, but once a woman starts using these "nice" words to push you away, tell her she gets all the space she wants and she can move forward living without you. 

Stop talking and texting every day, no matter how much it hurts, because it only keeps you emotionally involved. I wish I had less harsh things to say, but your marriage is over, and if you truly don't want it to be, ignore her unless it involves money, divorce, or kids. Anything else gives her validation and reason to either (a) test driver her new supply, (b) keep you in her fish hooks so that you can always be plan B, or (c) provides her with the validation and attention she craves while she is building up her ego to start seeking physical intimacy elsewhere. 

It sucks, it hurts, it's gonna stink for a long time. Get yourself a good therapist and work through those emotions. Get to a gym ASAP and develop a workout plan that builds up your body. Not even to attract women or get buff, though both are a positive side effect, but to release those positive hormones into your body that happen with intense exercise. Get a hobby, or 2, or 20, who cares, just do something you love. Meet with friends, talk to family, but whatever you do, just stay busy. 

When emotions hit you, allow them to flood you, just don't get negative. DO NOT ruminate over the "what ifs", this will drive you insane. Chances are she will blame you for everything wrong in the marriage, and it will be presented in a way that makes you believe it. She will re-write history to hurt you, do not allow it, but it will happen if you maintain contact. If you made mistakes, as we all do, being human, duh, apologize that you hurt her, but don't simp and overdo it. Journal your feelings. 

Unless you had addictions, beat her, cheated on her, or were so neglectful you can't even remember your anniversary, be kind to yourself. But limit contact; I promise you, each one of those discussions, she will be documenting, and it can be used against you. Coming from experience both personally and with those close to me, 100% of the time space means it's over or my feelings for you are done. And hovering in their stratosphere only makes it easier to dismiss you. 

If you do these things, in time, and on your own time, you will feel better, stronger, and more confident. Whatever you do, do not go dumpster diving for new ladies....it will make you feel more hallow. And do not be weak around her, if she's leaving you, she already views you as weak and resents you for it. Just don't confuse strong with being an a-hole. Maintain frame and emotional balance, even when hard. Learn from this and grow. 

Many will give all sorts of ho - hum advice, but trust me, you need her respect back before you have any hope of reconciling.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Great post anonjoe


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## Rob78 (5 mo ago)

TinyTbone said:


> Ok, so you're 3months into a divorce. Think brother, what does she mean by space? Hhhmmmm...can mean many things, or exactly what she said. Of course our mind movies run rampant during events such as these in our lives! As a man I will say this. Accept what is happening. You're living somewhere else, she's still there with all of the reminders of your lives together, especially the kids. Divorce isn't easy no matter who initiated it. Its not a win/lose sport. Everyone loses. An immense amount of pain on both sides regardless of the reason for it. She has asked for "space" to be able to see herself beyond the 10 years of collected life together, you, the children and divorce itself. It's the same thing you need as well.
> The bad part is this. From a phycological point, men do have a harder time letting go. We are wired different emotionally. We are snails shells and puppy dog tails. They are sugar and spice and everything nice. Even our nursery rhymes teach us we are different. Men take longer to emotionally let themselves go completely in relationships, yet when we do, we are all in! Women will ease into it and seem to always be able to compartmentalize their physical and emotional parts better. That also allows them to let go better and faster most times. For men it it can be brutal, total and abject feelings of loss and failure.
> Everyone here can say so many things about this, but at the end of the day, you know what and why it is happening and must accept it for what it is and start to live a new life again starting this moment with you. The folks here have taught me a new word and meaning....hopium. it's no joke. It's a real thing.learn from the people here. Learn to live again. You have value and meaning as well and so do your children. Live for you, live for them.


Thank you. This helped.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Rob78 said:


> Thank you. This helped.


You're most welcome. Wish is could be happier times.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I need space = relationship over. That’s just the honest truth.

acceptance, then change in thoughts to building a new life. That’s what you need.

Ignore what she says and pay attention to what she’s doing. Did you ever say why you moved out, and what started all this?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@Evinrude58 they’re already getting a divorce, so it was already over.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

It's a euphemism for "I want to break this off slowly while I test this other (wo)man and if things don't work out come back to you... temporarily"


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