# Where do I start?



## iwillsurvive (Mar 4, 2009)

My marriage is failing. I recently learned of my husband's affair and I believe he is still in contact with the other woman and may not be willing to give her up. If that is true, I'm done. 

I'm petrified of getting divorced. I have no idea where to start. What do I need to do to protect the best interests of myself and my children? We own a house together- what do I need to do with that? 

I'm sure I probably need to hire a lawyer. But what else? I live in WA state, so it's a "no fault" divorce state. Anything you can tell me would be great. I want to be prepared for the worst and be proactive in this process. He dropped a bombshell on me once with this affair. I'm not going to be left there again if he is unwilling to change his actions.


----------



## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

I'm so sorry.

If he is totally unwilling to give up this other woman, and won't go to counseling with you, and work on your marriage, then I don't blame you for being done. No one should have to put up with blatant infidelity that the other person refuses to stop.

As for protecting yourself, well, the only way to know for sure is to hire an attorney, I would definitely do that. I am not that familiar with "no fault" divorces, but, I do know that in many states, even though it's little known, adultry is illegal, and punishable by jail time. Obviously, no one actually presses charges for this anymore, rarely anyway. But, it is an issue that often comes up in divorces.

If you've been faithful, and he has not... then it's not looking good for him. However, if he's willing to get a divorce, uncontested, and be agreeable to working out a fair agreement between you two, and is amicable where the custody of the kids is concerned, then there is probly no need to even go there, in terms of the affair.

I would move on if I were you, if he refuses to see the huge error he's made and rectify it immediately. You deserve better.

I'd have a talk with him, see what his intentions are as far as working on the marriage. And if he says he doesn't care and will not give her up.... then get your lawyer, and begin the process. 

I am very sorry you're having to go through this kind of pain.
keep us updated. Marina72


----------

