# Hard 180 sucks right now



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

For the first time, I've actually committed and have been living 180 for 4 days. Been thinking "what would Bandit say?"  alot and committing to this. 

Problem is, here we are on a holiday and I'm not with my kids. I am full of anxiety. I want to go pick them up for a few hours and I might. I turned down all her offers to go to her place this weekend and be a fake family. I know it is the right thing for me but damn, it is hard. 

She already had the kids call to tell me how excited they were with their Easter baskets at her house. I'm sitting her staring at the baskets I bought for them at my house. My heart is pounding. 

This is the new reality.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

A holiday is just another day. Sun comes up and goes down. Keep focused on what you have to do and move forwards toward D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

The hard 180 is hard at first (and can be hard some days later) but it will help get you through these days. 

Go see your kids and take them to a park if the weather permits.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

SD212- Stop sitting around! 

Go for a walk! Go for a run! Go for a drive, check out back roads you've never been down. Go eat a meal at a new restaurant. Go wander around a book store for awhile. Change the oil on your car. Iron your clothes. Do the dishes. Surf porn on the net. Start a journal. Think what kind of dog you'd buy if you wanted to buy a dog. Surf the net for vacation destinations that you'd like to go visit one day. Buy a computer game and play it. Listen to music. Watch a movie!

Figure out something cool to do, and pester your best friend mercilessly until he goes and does whatever cool thing you came up with (with you). Sign up for a cooking class. Brush your teeth. Go buy new underwear for yourself. Find a local shelter and volunteer your time. Go grocery shopping.

Live life so hard and fast that you don't have time to sit around and be miserable. The 180 is much easier when you're busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

While the following is from a man who was able to save his marriage, he achieved it by first saving himself (even if that meant that his marriage would end). He realized that losing his soul wasn't a price he'd pay to save his marriage.



marduk said:


> I happened to be thinking today about the past year of my marriage. Everyone on these forums were so instrumental in my being in the great place I am today I thought I would post a note about where I was, where I am, and what I’ve learned.
> 
> A year ago my marriage was a mess. After 3 kids my stay at home wife spontaneously decided to start going out with her girlfriends again, including a “girls trip” to Vegas. She started a crazy fitness routine, including marathon running and triathalons. She started leaving me at home with the kids 2-3 evenings a week. A rough summer. I was insecure, controlling, alone, and afraid.
> 
> ...


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

These are also good tips for "nice guys" who need to break though the mindset.


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## pirouline (Jan 23, 2011)

Good tips..i cant find the 180 rules thread or am too lazy to.i read skimmed thru the rules a few days ago....nevermind my story, all i know is that he is shutting me out completely and am trying to hold on to my sanity for my kids. I miss him so much i have this sinking feeling that its over and i dont want it to be...hope am wrong....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

pirouline said:


> Good tips..i cant find the 180 rules thread or am too lazy to.i read skimmed thru the rules a few days ago....nevermind my story, all i know is that he is shutting me out completely and am trying to hold on to my sanity for my kids. I miss him so much i have this sinking feeling that its over and i dont want it to be...hope am wrong....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Follow the link on my signature line.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pirouline (Jan 23, 2011)

Bandit dont see ur signature line....pls copy and paste for me thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm on my cell phone. See the webpage right below this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pirouline (Jan 23, 2011)

Nope am on my cell too in bed, moping ....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I'll post here, first. I'm the weakest of the weak. I spent the entire day with family, including, stbxw. Even writing, stbxw, hurts.

I left the house several hours later devastated. Happens at leat once a week, usually on Sunday evenings. I challenge anyone to prove that my W felt as strongly as I do during these times.

My time with everyone was great. It was the separation that was the hardest. Knowing that I had to leave and be by myself for the rest of my b-day, was almost too much.

I hurt so much, especially during these times.

As much as I'd like to tell her to eff off, because we have children, and will see each other so much, it is so much more difficult.

And, I'm so weak.


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## pirouline (Jan 23, 2011)

Jayb said:


> I'll post here, first. I'm the weakest of the weak. I spent the entire day with family, including, stbxw. Even writing, stbxw, hurts.
> 
> I left the house several hours later devastated. Happens at leat once a week, usually on Sunday evenings. I challenge anyone to prove that my W felt as strongly as I do during these times.
> 
> ...



Welcome to.the club buddy. At least you know itll be a thing of the past...me? Im still waiting for an answer....its that godawful "we need space" situation....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If he wants space, pack his clothes in boxes and have them waiting at the door when he comes home tomorrow. Tell him to take all the space he needs.... Somwhere else. 

Then have the locks changed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pirouline (Jan 23, 2011)

He is somewhere else...and has been short with me when i try to talk to him..breaks my heart everytime...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

He's not living with you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pirouline (Jan 23, 2011)

Nope
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

So, for an update. I stuck w/ it through the holiday and did as recomended and did not sit around. I also ended up picking up my kids for the afternoon\evening which was wonderful.

That said, my 180 has resulted in her turning very mean and nasty. We had to talk about logistical stuff due to a deadline and when I brought up something I thought wasn't fair she went balistic. She couldn't believe I would even bring something up that was for my own good rather than her's. To be expected but I found myself wanting to apologize. Signing at the end of this week, I really hope she remembers that I am a human and the father of her children between now and then.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's showing you the real person underneath the lie she had been fronting for the entirety of your marriage. Like the dragon under the stairs. How does she look now?

You didn't apologize did you? 

NEVER APOLOGIZE!!!


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> She's showing you the real person underneath the lie she had been fronting for the entirety of your marriage. Like the dragon under the stairs. How does she look now?
> 
> You didn't apologize did you?
> 
> NEVER APOLOGIZE!!!


Yep, when talking to the kids this morning I did apologize. I won't be doing it again but it was just my natural move. Knew it was wrong the whole time. 

How does she look... Funny that you mention that. I'm still terribly attracted to her but she has gotten quite a gut since leaving me. Very unusual b/c she has always had a very fit body.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sd212 said:


> Yep, when talking to the kids this morning I did apologize. I won't be doing it again but it was just my natural move. Knew it was wrong the whole time.
> 
> How does she look... Funny that you mention that. I'm still terribly attracted to her but she has gotten quite a gut since leaving me. Very unusual b/c she has always had a very fit body.


If I find out you apoligized to her again I will find you and....

Get on the horse and stick with the 180. 

Immoral lifestyles often are reflected in a person letting themselves go. She let you go, so why not herself?

Anyway, she is not your concern. Get out, get to the gym and get ripped. Drice swank every time you see her. Let her see the positive changes in your life. Quit orbiting around her like she's Jupiter. Break off and become a rogue asteroid like me.


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