# What to do?



## Michaels (Aug 19, 2012)

First off, I'm no Knight in shining armor. I'm flawed, and I don't know why exactly, but it's me.

I'm an idiot. I'm a serial cheater. I'm not happy, and haven't been for a while. I've been trying to figure out a way to suck it up for a long time now. I don't know if I can, and maybe I should just end it.

Background:

My wife and I met online, dumb luck kind of thing. She's smart, funny, and pragmatic. I have an acerbic wit, a well-rounded education, but (and this is a central problem) wander between pragmatism and raw passion. We dated for awhile, and got married and had a couple of happy years. Then the problems began.

You see, that wandering between pragmatism and passion is a base piece of my personality. I love, well, making love. I was pragmatic with my wife, she'll never be the worlds best lover, but she cares. The problem is that I meet women that are passion, raw and unfiltered. When you desire that sexually, it's like an intoxicating drug to be around. Eventually, if left unchecked, I cheat with them because they give me something.

I've tried solo and co-counseling with my wife (who has no clue I have cheated). I've tried avoiding those types of women altogether, but it's not really possible with my work. I've even tried to let my wife know I need more passion our lives. 

I don't feel connected with her anymore, but I need options. I need to find a way to stop, inject more passion, or leave. I don't want to hurt her, and one day I will be caught. That would scar her. I don't want to leave, because just bringing up counseling together had her scratching herself on the face. Plus we have two young children I want to grow up with a dad.

I just feel I can't do anything right. Like I'm spinning my wheels trying to change her (functionally impossible, people don't change) or myself.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What happened with your solo counseling? Right now, I'm thinking the problem is with you, and no matter who your partner is and how "passionate" she is, you'd end in the same situation.

And if you think you've got issues raising the topic of counseling with her, wait till the fact that you've been cheating comes up. I suspect that won't go really well.

C


----------

