# 20th wedding anniversary + DDay was 5 weeks ago



## Lily_B (Jul 28, 2011)

So how does one cope, how does one get thru the day. I told H I truly do not feel a celebration is in the cards, as there are too many thoughts, emotions and lots of noise going on in my head.

His response is - he is extremely sorry and wants to be better. Well, honestly, nothing much has changed for him, he says he's ended it, has changed in some respects, but me??? Oh I have changed alright, my insides have gone cold.

I guess all i'm asking is how have some of you gotten thru your anniversary post dday.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In my case, we didn't celebrate a problematic marriage, but we did use our anny. as a reason to get away and reconnect.
Granted my WW was very remorseful and I saw a real change in her and she saw a real change in me, so we moved forward in our anny. as anew beginning.

Our anny. was 8 weeks past d-day. It really gave us some time to dig deep into her secon life, exploring the ins and out of her affair. We drove for 5 hours and the radio wasn't on once. It was a Q and A about her 13 years of cheating with multiable OM.

It was someting we need to do, she got that monkey off her back and I got alot of answers. As we drove it was a little emotional, but we stayed focused on not so much the why (that was dicussed early on after d-day) but the who, the when, and the how.

I found very interesting, exploring a secrite life she had for so many years.

Again, look at your anny. as a way to reconnect, not celebrate a problematic marriage. Who knows you may get a chance to get some unanswered questions, on a long drive to a nice place.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

the guy said:


> Again, look at your anny. as a way to reconnect, not celebrate a problematic marriage. Who knows you may get a chance to get some unanswered questions, on a long drive to a nice place.


:iagree: I think there are many purposes of an anniversary. It may be to celebrate a marriage, or to reconnect. Maybe it can also be used as a starting over point. There are multiple reasons for an anniversary.

I think if you skip out on doing something, you will always remember Dday and how it even influenced your 20th. If you do something for the anniversary, you could remember that even though Dday happened, it did not prevent to two of you from connecting on your anniversary.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Our 15 year is coming up and I'm still conflicted over what to do. My H and I are doing well with R so far, but this Fall will be tough since his A was in full swing last year at this time. 

Last year he slept with the OW just days before our anniversary. PAs suck, but when they come close to important dates, it's like a double whammy. We've talked about it and he understands why I now feel unattached to our anniversary date, but oddly enough, he's still bummed. I asked why if it was so important to him, did he have sex with OW right before the date. It was total compartmentalized thinking at work. At the time he never thought I'd find out, plus it wasn't _on_ our anniversary, so it felt untarnished in his mind.

The next few months may be harder for me as we approach the 1 year mark of d-day, especially since the affair didn't end until it was discovered. So I'm just going to play special dates by ear and keep my H informed of my feelings, because they can change on a dime. If I get inspired with a great idea on how to cope, I'll be sure to pass it on.


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