# Low Sex Drive Poll



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

This is a simple poll to get a sense of gender and sex drives.

Please note: this does NOT have to be your current partner. It can be a past partner that you dumped or got dumped by. Just at least one person whom, if the phrase 'low sex drive' came up, you'd give a little face and think 'oh...them!'


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

For the past several years, Id say my sex drive was much higher. But for the early years, his sex drive was significantly higher because at the time I didn't really have a sex drive at all. Churchill was right, youth is wasted on the young!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

JCD, I suspect this poll is in relation to the gender thread in the ladies lounge. So I just wanted to say that I truly believe our culture subverts women's sexuality and for many of us it takes a long time to let go of those slvt shaming messages, and some women never are able to let it go.

When I look back at our very troubled years, I did have a sex drive but I actively ignored it. Cultural conditioning had a roll in avoiding and ignoring my sex drive.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I have had as partner who was lower drive and it is fcking annoying. And frustrating.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

My wife has a lower drive than me. She likes it maybe 2x a week and I could easily go 2x a day.

Not a gender thing in my family line however. The women in my family are nearly out of control until they are so old that they can barely walk.

I have seen many relationships with my relatives where the man could not keep up with one of my cousins or sisters or aunts, etc..


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

My wife and I are in our fifties and both of us have gone from xHD to just HD... I never really had a GF so it is hard to answer the question. All my other experiences were just fwb or shorter acquaintances, so it never was an issue.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

intheory said:


> Wow!!
> 
> Based on how your sexual personality comes across on TAM; this is pretty amazing.
> 
> ...


Yeah, long story short, marriage was crap, sex life was crap. I knew a good sex life was integral to a great marriage so I embarked on developing my comfort level with sex and my sexuality. Took a while, but I got there. And yes, he is one lucky bastard as I remind him repeatedly.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

mid-twenties male, hd, prefer it about 3 to 4 times a day, but know realistically not possible.

Last gf, older, about once a week. She is early thirties.

Sad, I thought she was in her sexual prime, and maybe she was.


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## mdill (Jan 18, 2012)

Older male here (turn 60) and have been HD all my life. 3-4 times a day was no problem until I turned 50. I think my first wife was about average (1-2 time per week suited her). My current wife (17 years) is a natural LD as she apparently went years before we married (39, never married) without and had no problems with it. She had a very conservative religious upbringing which explains much of this. In the early days, we both worked so 2Xday was the normal. As time went on, we slowed to about once a day for about the past 15 years. She definitely has a lower drive but steps it because she loves me and knows I love it. If we happen to go 2-3 days without she makes a point to initiate so I think her drive has picked up (she is 56 now). My ideal now is 2Xday. The time will likely come when her drive is higher than what I can deliver, but it will be fun trying.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I've never dealt much with hd/ld stuff. I would have been happy with 1-2 time / week or 7-more times / week when I was younger. That left a lot of room for compatibility. Even when I was splitting with my ex years back, frequency didn't dwindle. It just changed from making love into something else.

And now I'd love to say I want it every day but 1-2 times a week is what I get and that's enough for me. Of course I'm getting older so maybe that's why.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

My wife is 50 I am 49. Married 20 years together about 25years. 

No question at the beginning I had, by far, the higher sex drive. I wanted to 'bond' with my wife atleast once a day but was lucky with maybe once a week.

Over the years her very LD and attitude to sex in general - pushing me away, seeing I really wanted her and still being pushed away etc has made me incredibly LD now....to the point that I'm really no longer interested in sex. I have to make a real effort to 'empty the tanks' on my own every couple of weeks simply to ward off any possible prostate problems.
On the very rare occasion that she wants 'it' I find it very difficult to rise to the occasion.

90% of it is of her doing....why should I give her what she wants now when for years and years I had to suffer when she refused me what I wanted? I know two wrongs don't make a right...
I've just gone off her (very off her) and would rather watch a good Nat Geo documentary that try to get it on with her.

10% - me and my age!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Yeah, long story short, marriage was crap, sex life was crap. I knew a good sex life was integral to a great marriage so I embarked on developing my comfort level with sex and my sexuality. Took a while, but I got there. And yes, he is one lucky bastard as I remind him repeatedly.


Bummer, as I'm just some bastard trying to get lucky. My relationship with the lower drive partner reaches 29 years next month.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I didn't see the option about having experienced a higher SD partner. I've usually been matched to my partners but I was apparently the LD one in my failed marriage to my ex.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Lon said:


> I didn't see the option about having experienced a higher SD partner. I've usually been matched to my partners but I was apparently the LD one in my failed marriage to my ex.


This is in relation to a discussion on who is the more HD gender vs. who has a lower drive. Perception is the key. A man could say'i give my wife as much sex as she wants.' The wife might have a different perspective and visa versa.

It seemed better to ask from the perspective of the 'victim'.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

In an unhappy mismatch situation, I'd imagine both sides probably feel like victims. Just sucks for everyone.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I would say he has a slightly higher sex drive than me. I like it once every couple of days usually. Sometimes once a day. He probably is the opposite wanting it everyday but only initiating every couple of days. I think we are both happy with that. It has only been five months tho, lol. We shall see.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Mr.Fisty said:


> mid-twenties male, hd, prefer it about 3 to 4 times a day, but know realistically not possible.
> 
> Last gf, older, about once a week. She is early thirties.
> 
> Sad, I thought she was in her sexual prime, and maybe she was.


thirties is just the first of the "prime times" for women forties are much better...


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> thirties is just the first of the "prime times" for women forties are much better...


Dislike.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

WandaJ said:


> thirties is just the first of the "prime times" for women forties are much better...





TheCuriousWife said:


> Dislike.


Not sure what you dislike. My wife is in her 40's and she seems to have a higher sex drive than before.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> In an unhappy mismatch situation, I'd imagine both sides probably feel like victims. Just sucks for everyone.


Not really....especially when one just couldn't care less about the others needs.

"He'll just have accept that I am not interested in sex"....as Mrs Askari said to our MC afew years ago.

My wife doesn't feel like a victim atall....infact she doesn't feel ANYTHING atall.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

JCD said:


> Not sure what you dislike. My wife is in her 40's and she seems to have a higher sex drive than before.




I dislike the thought that my sex drive is going to increase as I get older.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My first marriage lasted 24 years, and I was sexually active for about 7 or 8 years previously, so let's say 32 years. To put things in perspective, I had more sex (and better) in the first *two* years of my new relationship than in my entire prior life.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Male 43 , wife 37 , Married for 17 years ; HD , Wife is Lazy LD ;Never had a BJ  

Never got a real french Kiss .

never seen a foreplay or a dance except in Movies.

Everytime I enjoy some sex I pay the price next day ...

This year my sexless marriage is destroying my whole life , esteem and even relations with others .

recently I started drinking heavily again .!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Zouz said:


> Male 43 , wife 37 , Married for 17 years ; HD , Wife is Lazy LD ;Never had a BJ
> 
> Never got a real french Kiss .
> 
> ...


So you blame your W for your alcoholism?


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Lon said:


> So you blame your W for your alcoholism?


No really I blame Myself because I did not leave before ; Now I have to wait for kids to finish school and college ....

I can't blame my wife , she doesn't feel anything ; she doesn't intend to be asexual .

But I blame her for being lazy.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

So you are going to continue to numb the pain with drinking for the next several years instead of trying to make your life better? How is that for the sake of your kids, do you think they will respect or admire you more, or be farther ahead in life, with your current way of living?


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Lon said:


> So you are going to continue to numb the pain with drinking for the next several years instead of trying to make your life better? How is that for the sake of your kids, do you think they will respect or admire you more, or be farther ahead in life, with your current way of living?


lon , Kids , Wife and family are doing great ; regarding making life better ; it is really unachievable except through a divorce , which is out of question .

I haven't reached alcoholism yet ; but every week or two I go and spend a day alone in my cottage ; I drink a lot and the next day I go back home ; have to train myself to become bipolar !

At home , car , work , etc I never have alcohol ; I even don't buy them unless i am alone in my cave .

i have been doing this for the last few yrs.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Both late 40's, met in our mid 30's. Sex was fairly frequent early on, and after we got married for a few years we would hit it somewhat regularly. In the past several years, it's dwindles to just about zero. She will mention that I don't initiate, and my response is that initiating with someone that views sex as a chore is not my idea of something pleasurable. Also says that she needs to have a few drinks to loosen up, but she won't do that, so it's a vicious circle. 

What we need is someone to take the kids for a night - it's been offered by a couple of people, but wife doesn't want to impose on them. All grandparents are out of town and too old to help anyway.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I dislike the thought that my sex drive is going to increase as I get older.


Oh. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones and have menopause strike early.

Just looking for the positives. :smthumbup:


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

My husband and I have not been married that long, but for quite a while(majority of our marriage) I was the one with a higher sex drive. I was always bugging him for sex, but got turned down often. We're at a place now where we're pretty even and I really hope it stays that way! 



Zouz said:


> lon , Kids , Wife and family are doing great ; regarding making life better ; it is really unachievable except through a divorce , which is out of question .
> 
> I haven't reached alcoholism yet ; but every week or two I go and spend a day alone in my cottage ; I drink a lot and the next day I go back home ; have to train myself to become bipolar !
> 
> ...


I think you may be naive if you think your family doesn't notice something is up. When my dad was having an emotional affair, we all knew something was going on and I eventually caught him. I lost respect for my dad in his choice to cheat on my mom. If he was that unhappy, I would have rather seen him divorce my mom than cheat on her ... or behave in a way that is not good(alcoholism, drugs, etc.). You are teaching your kids what marriage is like and they're learning as they watch you and your wife. Just something to keep in mind.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Husband was higher drive for 1st 19 yrs ....we should have been having more sex... we missed each other in ways that should have never been/ other distractions / my moods with trying to get pregnant/ scheduling sex...though we were always emotionally connected & satisfied when we did ... it was explosive.. all those years.. it never lasted very long. 

Then I had a higher drive for 8 full months..non stop, didn't need a drop of foreplay...would have died & went to heaven for 3 times a day.. learned what sexual frustration was all about during that spell.. he did the best he could -thank God for [email protected]#$

Then this calmed...and I'd say we are in sync sexually....about 4 -5 times a week.. this was more than we did in our younger years.. crazily..our story is not the norm.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I do wish people would understand that simply 'divorcing' is really not that easy.

There are many men, and indeed some women, who are in basically OK but sexless marriages.
I love my wife (but am not 'in' love with her) despite her never having given me a Bj, is not interested in sex and is not interested in what my sexual needs are.
However we do not fight, have a nice house, reasonable income/life and two children.

Yes I will leave the marital home and divorce but not until the children leave...because they mean far more to me than sex with my wife. I could not handle not being and having my children as a constant in my life.
So yes for now I - and good many other husbands and wives in the same position - will stay in sexless marriages to be with the two people (children) than mean more to me than anyone else.

Life is not black and white.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

askari said:


> I do wish people would understand that simply 'divorcing' is really not that easy.
> 
> There are many men, and indeed some women, who are in basically OK but sexless marriages.
> I love my wife (but am not 'in' love with her) despite her never having given me a Bj, is not interested in sex and is not interested in what my sexual needs are.
> ...


O.K. You are happy to have a hot time with your hand until your children are gone. Does your wife know she is getting a divorce then?

Life is as black and white as you want to make it. Divorce is certainly a good option for a sexless marriage. You are going to exercise that option as soon as your kids are big. So I guess it will eventually be an answer for you as well.

Many, myself included, refuse to live in a sexually unsatisfactory marriage. I won't be denied and my wife doesn't deny me or she would not be married to me.

We make our lives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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