# What Is His Angle?



## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

This week at court my "husband" notified me that he filed for divorced since we now know that we are officially married and that he filed for custody of our son.
I am trying to figure out his angle for trying to take our son out my home. I know he doesn't want to pay child support but I feel like there is more.... Trying to hurt me, control me, isolate me as I don't have any other family? He lives 3 states away and comes to our state once a month to visit his son. I have our son fully time and do everything for him. I did mention to him that I want to move out of state some time next year as well for a fresh start and if we were able to communicate, then we could work out visitations.

I am sure he really doesn't want our son full time. Our son is a handful and currently potty training. His idea of being a dad is having his mother parent our son. I would imagine his mother would move in with him so that she can take care of her grandson as she knows her son isn't able to do it. So really, what is the angle. He didn't want to be married, he had an affair, and he wanted freedom. Now I don't bother him for any reason and giving him exactly what wants. Why is he now stirring for more drama? Am I wrong for feeling like this is a personal attack?

And there are no abuse/neglect issues so he has no legitimate reason to file for full custody besides what ever bull **** excuse he can make up from his own head. My own daycare said they would write a letter to the court of how much of an involved parent I am and how my son is thriving under my care and how they only met my son's father 3 times out of the 3 years my son has been there.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Maybe it's just precisely what you initially said. He doesn't want the legal financial responsibility associated with marriage. His mom basically raises the child but she'll never hit him up for child support. He might even consider hitting you up for child support and pocketing the bread.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

He can ask for whatever he wants. Doesn't mean he will get it. His angle is probably to scare you.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

What does the divorce paper say about custody and visitation? Have you seen it yet? It should give you a real good idea on what his angle would be. I suggest you start documenting all of his visitations, phone calls, and anything related to him/his family and your son.


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## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

We aren't divorce yet nor even separated... Long story short, we just literally confirmed that we were legally married. Incredible story, I wish I were making it up.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

movingforward2013 said:


> We aren't divorce yet nor even separated... Long story short, we just literally confirmed that we were legally married. Incredible story, I wish I were making it up.


I apologize. I phrased it wrong. I was trying to ask that since your ex told you he has already filed papers and filed for custody of your child, did he already serve you the papers? Have you seen what he wrote in those papers?


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## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

I have not been served. He said I would get the notice in a few weeks which makes me believe that he doesn't have the money to pay for the attorney right now. So technically, I can do it and file for an annulment as no paperwork has been submitted. The only thing is I do not have the license and in my state, the license needs to be filed in order to file for divorce or annulment. He has the license.


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## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

He could have also been saying it to get me angry as he knows I wanted to work this out before we went to court. I think he and his affair partner are over so he broke up our son's home for nothing.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Sounds like he's bluffing to scare you.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

His "angle" is irrelevant as far as custody in concerned. Your son has been living with you. You are his established caretaker. You are not an abuser of the child or of any controlled substances. 

The courts want to maintain as much normalcy as possible for the children.

It's most likely just a negotiating tactic. A means to reduce child support, alimony or spousal support, etc.


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## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

I am starting to think he is bluffing too... Or he really doesn't have the money to pay for an attorney because he wasn't thinking that the courts would make him pay me child support.

He just contacted me saying that he would like more video chat sessions with his son. Originally, I told him they would video chat twice a week and he has no problems with that. Now he is asking for more days which I feel like he is trying to maintain some sort of control.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

If you all had no idea that you were married, I would love to hear that story sometime...

Regardless, your stbx is still the father of your child. You really should firm up the custody arrangement legally to minimize problems.

To your question, I suspect he looked up the calculation for child support and $hit his pants when he realized how much money he owes you. Then the rest of the crap he is throwing at you is just that, crap. He is bluffing to get a better deal.

The family courts love to maintain the status quo and not mix things up to much. If things are working, they would rather leave it that way than make a drastic change. I believe the words are, "In the best interest of the children." In your case, you have the upper hand since your son has been living with you full time, hence the status quo.

I would start to document everything that you do for your son (potty training, taking to school, taking to doctor, sports, overnights, ect) in a journal. You don't have to be super detailed but enough that someone reading through can see how involved you are with your son. Don't waste effort on what your stbx does/does not, just what you are doing. This can be used as evidence, so make it neat and keep a timeline.

The next point is that you all are still married with no filed paperwork. At this point (technically), your stxh could show up and take off with your son and there would not be a lot you could do about it (It is not kidnapping if you are still married).

I would contact the office where your marriage license was approved and get a certified/notorized copy. Your stbh is just trying to pull your chain about holding the license, don't wait for him. Then go down and file for divorce/annulment at your earliest opportunity. This will benefit you as it would be in your jurisdiction if you file first, which will save you potentially traveling to another venue and being subjected to thier statutes. Make sure you file for exclusive use of the marital home (if you all owned together), primary custody of your son, and temporary child support. I would also ask for retro child support to the day he left you.

Don't wait for your stbx to do anything, he is just trying to avoid the inevitable and scare you into giving him a better deal. I would take the action into your own hands, at least that way you are not in limbo waiting.


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## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

Basically we had the wedding but the groom held on to the license and didn't want to file it until we had counseling. After the officiant agreed (the officiant was also our counselor) the groom decided that he didn't want to do counseling at all and went back to his AP. I found out two weeks after the wedding that he was cheating with a girl he met a month before the wedding.
Because the license was never filed, we had just assumed the entire marriage process wasn't completed however he sought counsel about a week ago and they notified him that we were in fact married. 

Last week he brought up it up in child support court starting that he shouldn't have to pay me because we are married. He wanted all the money he paid me in child support repaid back to him and then he said he is filing for divorce and I should get the paperwork in a few weeks.
Now I am thinking he just realized that if he is paying me child support, then he is unable to pay for his attorney. He is servely in debt ($150K worth) and is paying me close to $1000 a month in support. So maybe he isn't bluffing, he just doesn't have the money to pay for attorney fees and filing costs. 

I have contact town hall and they are researching about making a duplicate license so I can file. I will know more tomorrow.


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## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

And just to clarify, he is paying me support. The temporary order was issued back in April under wage garnishment and just went permanent last week. He is really pissed about the amount because he feels he should only be paying me $500 or less in support. This is from a man that is taking home $4000- 5500 a month.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why would you give a rats behind what he thinks? He doesn't get to decide; why don't you have HIM served right now? You are giving him way too much control here. Tell him to f&ck off and let him enjoy his sl$t. My ex made all kinds of threats and I wished him luck with that and told him I'd see him in court. Ha ha, nothing ever came to pass from his threats.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

If I could do all of that I would, but with the license being held hostage, I can't just file for divorce tomorrow. 

Any way, I just texted him asking for his lawyers information to call his bluff and pass to my own attorney, when I secure one. I just made a few calls as well about finding an attorney. Waiting for someone to call me back.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

movingforward2013 said:


> And just to clarify, he is paying me support. The temporary order was issued back in April under wage garnishment and just went permanent last week. He is really pissed about the amount because he feels he should only be paying me $500 or less in support. This is from a man that is taking home $4000- 5500 a month.


Oh, this changes things. Someone (you?) has already started the paperwork if you have temporary support orders in place. Have you already filled a separation agreement?

Back you your original question, it is definitely a pure monetary issue for him now. He does not like to pay you child support he THINKS he shouldn't have to pay.

I would still try to file first to keep the jurisdiction where you are and not where he resides. And he can say whatever he wants in his divorce papers, but that does not mean he will get it. Start that journal and remember status quo is on your side...


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## movingforward2013 (Jan 26, 2013)

C3156 said:


> Oh, this changes things. Someone (you?) has already started the paperwork if you have temporary support orders in place. Have you already filled a separation agreement?
> 
> Back you your original question, it is definitely a pure monetary issue for him now. He does not like to pay you child support he THINKS he shouldn't have to pay.
> 
> I would still try to file first to keep the jurisdiction where you are and not where he resides. And he can say whatever he wants in his divorce papers, but that does not mean he will get it. Start that journal and remember status quo is on your side...


Yes, I did that because he stopped giving me money back in February. I did it hoping it would snap him out of his affair fog but he dug in his heels. We have no filled out a sep agreement. I will look into that next. Thank you.


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