# Child custody might be a big battle. Yikes!



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

STBXW has no issue with finances and assets with me. We have been able to agree on just about everything. But of course, I was afraid there would be an issue with the kids. The kids have been with me since she moved away in June. Far away...to another state. I've been documenting as much as I can and the kids are doing ok considering mom has bailed. 
We started discussing the kids and she first started off with , " do you trust me to make the decision to where the kids will live". She wanted no one to have custody. Just to leave the door open for the future. Wow. I was honest and said no. I felt there needed to be some stability, in writing. She said she didn't trust me either. Is she worried I will be getting back at her for her infidelity?Etc? I have set up video chat sessions with her and the kids as much as possible. I have allowed the kids to visit her twice this holiday season. It's crazy. Then she told me what her suggestion was:
1. One spouse gets the kids for the school year. The other spouse gets them all summer and all holidays. The spouse with summers and holidays can choose holidays to have kids if they can't have them all the holidays. Wow. And she says she's not thinking of herself. She's thinking of the kids.
She said since she doesn't get summers off like I do (because I work for the school district) that she would prefer the school year. I said, what about the kids' family? Their Grandfather and Uncle live 10 minutes away and visit the kids nearly every day. Their grandmother and Aunts live in the same city too. I said the kids would miss them and they would miss the kids (me too). She said, "They can come visit anytime they want". I live in Texas. She lives now in Minnesota.
Is this a desperation move on her part? I've always went out of my way to keep her happy in our marriage. Is she expecting the same now?
My proposal was much different. Very much along the lines of what many courts rule on:
2. I have physical custody. Kids live with me. Kids see mom every other holiday, spring break, mother's day, and 4-6 weeks out of the summer. She would also provide child support and health insurance. There were a few other minor things, but that was mainly it. 
She responded she has MAJOR issues with it. And if I can't be flexible with it, then conversations are done.
What do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Is she?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Fourtinitly for you she ****ed herself by moving out of state and leaving the kids. You should have every bit of leverage to get what you want in court. What you are proposing is pretty much what the court is going to give one way or another. Have you filed yet? If not get your side in writing as quick as possible. If their is no custody in place, you can send them there for a week and she can keep them and file there and her chances will be much better. Don't let her drag this out on her terms.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think you are in the drivers seat since she moved out of state and any judge with two brain cells to rub together is going to rule in your favor.

The ONLY way she can get what she want is if you give it to her.
Don't give it to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

On this topic you need to realize that like EVERYTHING else she has done she is only capable of acting in a selfish uncompromising way.

Just like when you tried to get her to stop cheating and return to the marrriage by talking with her - talking to her about this will be a complete and total waste of time.

she doesn't know how to compromise. she doesn't know how not to be all about HER.

Stop debating with her - get the shark lawyer to show the abandonment to the judge and get 100% custody for you.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I agree with you guys about the me first mentality. I have a lawyer. Everything has already been set in motion. I'm just trying to reach an agreement with STBXW so we don't have to go to court and milk each other dry with our lawyers. Sad really.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Apparently she thinks she has been in the driver's seat all along. I guess she's about to find out she has not. She certainly has not had the best interests of the children in mind. Why would she start now?

As others have said, don't give her anything the court will not give her. Your children need stability, especially now after what she has done.

My suggestion is that you stop talking directly to her on this subject. Let your attorney take care of the custody battle. It should not be a big fight. She lost a lot my moving.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Also, I am beginning to wonder if I should be filing for full custody up front vs. starting in the middle(compromising already) from the start? And how would 100% custody work. Basically, would it mean they're with me all the time unless I mutually agree they can visit mom? Guess I need to research that one since I've mostly focused on joint custody. Thanks everyone for your support.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> Also, I am beginning to wonder if I should be filing for full custody up front vs. starting in the middle(compromising already) from the start? And how would 100% custody work. Basically, would it mean they're with me all the time unless I mutually agree they can visit mom? Guess I need to research that one since I've mostly focused on joint custody. Thanks everyone for your support.


In your case I would go for 100%. Since your wife lives quite a distance from you this makes sense.

There are generally two types of custody... legal custody and physcial custody. My husband had 50/50 legal custody of his children with is ex. But he had 100% physcial custody with her having only visitation.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

It does seem as if this is going to get nasty.

With that in mind my advice to you would be to take elegirls advice and stop communication with her.
File for full custody.
She's in a ****ty position and she knows it.
Full custody for you would mean rarely eve seeing her kids as she lives too far away.
She made this choice, make her live with the outcome
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> Also, I am beginning to wonder if I should be filing for full custody up front vs. starting in the middle(compromising already) from the start? And how would 100% custody work. Basically, would it mean they're with me all the time unless I mutually agree they can visit mom? Guess I need to research that one since I've mostly focused on joint custody. Thanks everyone for your support.


Yes you should be asking for full custody.

It's the status quo you are starting from after all.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> Also, I am beginning to wonder if I should be filing for full custody up front vs. starting in the middle(compromising already) from the start? And how would 100% custody work. Basically, would it mean they're with me all the time unless I mutually agree they can visit mom? Guess I need to research that one since I've mostly focused on joint custody. Thanks everyone for your support.



Yes, you should go for 100% custody at the start. It would be extremely difficult to move from the bottom up - going from, say, 50% to 100% because you had already given up your advantageous position tactically.

Look at it this way: if you feel bad after you're awarded 100% by the court, you could always be generous later and let her have more time unofficially. But to give that up now means you cant get it back without another big legal fight - courts do not want to rewrite a settled agreement/order.


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

aug said:


> Yes, you should go for 100% custody at the start. It would be extremely difficult to move from the bottom up - going from, say, 50% to 100% because you had already given up your advantageous position tactically.
> 
> Look at it this way: if you feel bad after you're awarded 100% by the court, you could always be generous later and let her have more time unofficially. But to give that up now means you cant get it back without another big legal fight - courts do not want to rewrite a settled agreement/order.


Houstondad, talk with your Lawyer about filing Abandonment against the STBX, then ask Lawyer about going for sole or full custody! Your wife moved out of state, unless you end up with a crooked Judge who favors women over men, even in the most blatent cases, I can't see how you would lose, of course, there's no such thing as a sure thing! _Ask the Lawyer, dude_! Don't let her take you for anything, protect EVERYTHING!


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Just make damned sure you file in your states before she can file in hers. If she gets a head start, it will just make things more complicated. You have to make her play by your game rules now.

Q~


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> STBXW has no issue with finances and assets with me. We have been able to agree on just about everything. But of course, I was afraid there would be an issue with the kids. The kids have been with me since she moved away in June. Far away...to another state. I've been documenting as much as I can and the kids are doing ok considering mom has bailed.
> We started discussing the kids and she first started off with , " do you trust me to make the decision to where the kids will live". She wanted no one to have custody. Just to leave the door open for the future. Wow. I was honest and said no. I felt there needed to be some stability, in writing. She said she didn't trust me either. Is she worried I will be getting back at her for her infidelity?Etc? I have set up video chat sessions with her and the kids as much as possible. I have allowed the kids to visit her twice this holiday season. It's crazy. Then she told me what her suggestion was:
> 1. One spouse gets the kids for the school year. The other spouse gets them all summer and all holidays. The spouse with summers and holidays can choose holidays to have kids if they can't have them all the holidays. Wow. And she says she's not thinking of herself. She's thinking of the kids.
> She said since she doesn't get summers off like I do (because I work for the school district) that she would prefer the school year. I said, what about the kids' family? Their Grandfather and Uncle live 10 minutes away and visit the kids nearly every day. Their grandmother and Aunts live in the same city too. I said the kids would miss them and they would miss the kids (me too). She said, "They can come visit anytime they want". I live in Texas. She lives now in Minnesota.
> ...


So you would have all the real responsibility of raising your kids during the school year and she would have all the fun time. Ummmm. No.

Get with your lawyer. She is not reasonable.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

You posted in another thread that your lawyer advised you that the magic number was 6 months of her abandoning the family for you to be able to get a slam dunk as far as getting full custody.  Its now past 6 months. Has anything changed? 

You can and should file for full custody. If she wants it to get ugly, then so be it. She really doesnt have a job still, and even if she got a lawyer, he would probably advise her about the abandonment issue. She doesn't have a leg to stand on anymore and is just trying to bully/bluff you. Don't fall for it.

The gloves need to come off now.


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