# My husband seems uninterested in me



## abigail82 (Aug 21, 2011)

No matter what I try or how I approach it my husband either turns me down or pushes having sex off for another time, once he does agree to sleep with me its very mechanical and not very emotional or passionate, what can I do? I have tried to explain how it makes me feel but he just blames it on being tired or sore from work, I offer back rubs and such but no response, he seems to lack all passion and emotion towards me.What can I do?


----------



## MissLayla1986 (Aug 27, 2010)

abigail82 said:


> No matter what I try or how I approach it my husband either turns me down or pushes having sex off for another time, once he does agree to sleep with me its very mechanical and not very emotional or passionate, what can I do? I have tried to explain how it makes me feel but he just blames it on being tired or sore from work, I offer back rubs and such but no response, he seems to lack all passion and emotion towards me.What can I do?


How long have you been married/together? Has he always been like this? How is he in other aspects of your marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## abigail82 (Aug 21, 2011)

married 6 years 
he is ok for the most part 
says he will help me around the house then doesnt
says the house is dirty but doesnt clean 
when i have a problem or issue he says i should "get over it" because everybody has problems all you got to do is "deal with it"


----------



## Summergirl (Aug 17, 2011)

Oh goodness if I knew the answer I probably wouldn't be on these boards! Although this is no help--I can tell you that I am going through the same thing and it hurts incredibly. My husband is wonderful, we have 2 beautiful small children, and I would never throw away my marriage over it. However, its something I think about every day and struggle with. I feel unsexy, unattractive, unwanted and it sucks! Other guys look at me, flirt with me, ect-- to my husband I am like a roommate. We really are best friends and have a good marriage but why should i have to settle? When we were first together he treated me like a goddess and our sex life was on fire. Now i'm lucky if its every 6 weeks, iniated by me after getting tired of waiting around. Theres also very few kisses, hugs, ect. and i get the excuse of tired, stress, and so on--but you cannot blame it on that for eternity! I'm sorry I have no advice to offer--but tell me: How was he when you were first together? How long has this problem been going on? Is anything else going on in your life to make him feel this way? Do you have kids? Are there any indications of an affair? Do you think it could be medical?


----------



## MissLayla1986 (Aug 27, 2010)

abigail82 said:


> married 6 years
> he is ok for the most part
> says he will help me around the house then doesnt
> says the house is dirty but doesnt clean
> when i have a problem or issue he says i should "get over it" because everybody has problems all you got to do is "deal with it"


Is this a new phenomenon, or was he like this before? Have you and your husband ever had a good sex life? Is he ever affectionate in non-sexual ways (e.g., telling you he loves you, pecks on the cheek, etc)?

Maybe you could try suggesting dinner at a nice restaurant, perhaps dancing afterwards or something. Or something along the lines of his interests (e.g., if he likes football, then surprise him with tickets to a football game). If things used to be good and he's just fallen into a rut or something, then it's possible he just needs a jump-start. If he's always been like this, then try discussing your concerns with him after your nice gesture for him; that might increase his receptiveness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LucyLate (Aug 2, 2011)

Have you talked to him much about it? 
I know thats not easy but he might open up if it's the right opportunity. 

I've been having problems with the same thing after less than a year of marriage www lucy-life-love.blogspot.com can't figure out if it's punishment, him feeling low in himself or outside factors. Dunno if you've looked qt those options?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Peace2000 (Oct 27, 2010)

abigail82 said:


> No matter what I try or how I approach it my husband either turns me down or pushes having sex off for another time, once he does agree to sleep with me its very mechanical and not very emotional or passionate, what can I do? I have tried to explain how it makes me feel but he just blames it on being tired or sore from work, I offer back rubs and such but no response, he seems to lack all passion and emotion towards me.What can I do?


Well, I'm gonna be of no use too...just know that you are not alone! I'm going through the same thing with my husband. It's been going on about 2 years now. We..or I talk about it all the time. All I want is for him to make me feel special every once in a while. We have sex about every 7-10 days. And that's just because I either say something about it of he just know if he doesn't do it then he will have to talk about it. We had a huge fight 3 weeks ago and I haven't mentioned sex to him at all. Nothing, not about wanting him to do something nice for me, not about sex, I just let it go. I started working out at the Y and I did good the 1st week. But he never told me he was proud of me. Never tried to help out around the house so that I was able to go to the Y and not feel like I should be home taking care of things. I haven't done so good these past 2 weeks. The way he acts just makes me feel like what's the freaking point? He said I never give him time to plan anything or do anything special for me..so I haven't said a thing for 3 weeks. We had sex last Saturday night, and this Saturday night...nothing changed. When we do make love it's the same way everytime, and there isn't much passion. Like he's a robot. He hasn't done one single thing to make me feel that he's heard a word Im saying...I don't know what to do either..Good Luck


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Was there ever a time when he was interested? If so, when did it change - what happened at that point?

Have you checked all the usual suspects, such as physical issues (ED, Low T, Low Thyroid, overweight, High Blood Pressure), emotional/psychological issues, hang-ups (religious), prior abuse, an EA/PA?

Solutions for Low Libido in Men

Do you pursue him? If so, have you tried backing off and being more seductive with him?

Best of luck.


----------



## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

It seems like I'm seeing this story over and over again on these boards and I relate *so* much with the pain involved. The suggestions that make sense usually involve:

1. Look into the relationship in general. Are things okay or are there emotional issues (i.e. resentment) coming in between you two?
2. Does he have low Testosterone?
3. Affair
4. Porn

I don't know how common the low Testosterone is, especially at a young age. It seems that it's either 1,3 or 4 causing the problem. In my case it was porn. After an amazing connection in the beginning and amazing sex, our sex life slowly deteriorated over the course of 6 years while I struggled and fought to help make it better, worked on myself, my interactions, did everything I could. In the end I became such a "good wife" that he was very happy with everything and nothing changed in the bedroom because he was happy (or content at least) with his porn.

Now that I know, we're working on it, but passion doesn't return immediately. I have hinted at getting things going again, but I don't sense the passion or lust in his touch or kiss. I've read that porn desensitizes men to the real thing. I guess it will take a while for him to become attuned to me again, so I'm waiting and trying to stay open to it and we're still working on it.

I know it hurts to feel like you're becoming, a roommate, a non-sexual being. Some women don't mind a sparse sex-life, but if this is not something you can deal with, you need to get him on board to fix it because it doesn't get better by itself. It takes work and commitment from both of you, imo.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He's really mad at you about something.


----------



## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

The first thing you need to do is make sure he is not cheating. If this is not the case next rule out any phyical issues i.e. ED or low T. Next look for signs of depression or other mental illness. 

If all is fine on these fronts then work on his ego. There are many ways to do this. Let him know if somebody else flirts with you, by doing this it makes him feel that he can have what other men can't. Every so often whisper in his ear how sexy he looks today then just keep walking. Pull out something a bit short, put on a bit of make up and let him see that you are still that trophy he once chased after. Cook a special dinner that he has not had in a while, make him feel that all his hard work is noticed and you are here to please him. The next time you do have sex, try something you havent tried before, some sexy lingerie, mabye watch porn with him, do something for him or allow him to do something to you that you wouldnt allow before.
In all let him know by your actions and not your words how great you think what he does for you is. Over all a man is driven by his ego and to keep him intersted the best way to do that is by kieeping his ego inflated. You lose the ability to do this and you can easily lose his intrest.


----------



## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> He's really mad at you about something.


Yeah, that's what I'm getting, too. He's not getting something he wants or he is getting something he doesn't want. For whatever reason, he doesn't trust you enough with his emotional well-being to confide in you, and so the resentful, mechanical sex is the result.

It's not porn. It's not an affair (probably). He's just mad, and he's been mad for a while, now.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think some peolple arn't sexuall. 

It takes effort to be a good lover 
to watch there body and face to listen and pay attention to read what they really like.

some people just don't have it in them and they take the lazy way out by waiting until their high drive partner is so horney that they just take what they can get (any sex is better than no sex when your high drive) but eventually resentment will build up until you just don't want sex with a lazy selfish lover any longer.


----------



## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Peace2000 said:


> Well, I'm gonna be of no use too...just know that you are not alone! I'm going through the same thing with my husband. It's been going on about 2 years now. We..or I talk about it all the time. All I want is for him to make me feel special every once in a while. We have sex about every 7-10 days. And that's just because I either say something about it of he just know if he doesn't do it then he will have to talk about it. We had a huge fight 3 weeks ago and I haven't mentioned sex to him at all. Nothing, not about wanting him to do something nice for me, not about sex, I just let it go. I started working out at the Y and I did good the 1st week. But he never told me he was proud of me. Never tried to help out around the house so that I was able to go to the Y and not feel like I should be home taking care of things. I haven't done so good these past 2 weeks. The way he acts just makes me feel like what's the freaking point? He said I never give him time to plan anything or do anything special for me..so I haven't said a thing for 3 weeks. We had sex last Saturday night, and this Saturday night...nothing changed. When we do make love it's the same way everytime, and there isn't much passion. Like he's a robot. He hasn't done one single thing to make me feel that he's heard a word Im saying...I don't know what to do either..Good Luck


Wow..I'm sorry to hear that. This is freaking crazy how these things happen the other way around. I do know that wives are deprived just as much as men in marriages...but it still seems strange to me...being that I am a husband.

My ideal marriage, would be I treating her as a queen every day. I would do laundry everyday, fold every single fabric, cook a full course meal every day and clean the entire house with a tooth brush every single day if I knew on her own accord she would want to be intimate and make love.

Ideally - Every day I would light up the room with candles and fill the bed with roses to prepare for our time with each other.

With the daily pressures of life - it would most certainly feel so good knowing that at the end of the day you will be going home to your spouse and will be making love.

Lets be honest - I don't need this every single day...but I would certainly love knowing that it's possible

My situation is sort of similar. There's no passion at all. When we do it, it is very mechanical. She has turned me into a robot now. I feel like I cannot open up and enjoy sex. I feel embarassed when I ask to have sex. I would feel ebarrassed if I show any kind of enjoyment from it. Making love doesn't exist for us neither does kissing. I have so much desire for her - but it's eroding...

She just doesn't have any interest in sex or romance. She loves me, but we are like roommates living together. We barely hug. We never kiss. We barely say "i love you" and so on.

now I am trying to force myself into suppressing all of my feelings and desires. I love hugging at night, but it is only one-sided. So I am fighting a battle to stop that desire. Sometimes I just blurt out how I would love to french kiss someone, just to see what she would say. Never much of a reaction.

I am such a romantic person, and my wife doesn't even know it, nor does she believe it. I tried showing it in the beginning.

Now I am feeling resentment.

Anyway...good luck to you. I do suggest that you guys attend marriage counseling. We tried going....but sometimes marriage counseling is expensive. But it is hard getting through to your spouse by yourself.


----------

