# Husband and sex



## Brittany78 (Jul 26, 2014)

Hello everyone! My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have 2 kids (previous marriages). Things are great except that the sex has gotten boring. We used to have it 5-6 times a week. He was on "the pill" because of anxiety issues when I met him. He is 38 and I am 41. He has since gone off them and I think that is a great thing, knowing that he does not need the pill to "get it up" anymore. But the frequency has gone down to maybe 1-2 times a week. I know he is not cheating and have asked him about jacking off and porn. He assures me that is not it. I believe him. He has never lied to me. I asked him if it was me, if he is still attracted to me, he says of course. So I have NO idea what the deal is. He says he is stressed with work and things around the house. Does sex for a man decrease with age? He just does not seem as sexual anymore. Thanks!


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

Brittany78 said:


> Hello everyone! My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have 2 kids (previous marriages). Things are great except that the sex has gotten boring. We used to have it 5-6 times a week. He was on "the pill" because of anxiety issues when I met him. He is 38 and I am 41. He has since gone off them and I think that is a great thing, knowing that he does not need the pill to "get it up" anymore. But the frequency has gone down to maybe 1-2 times a week. I know he is not cheating and have asked him about jacking off and porn. He assures me that is not it. I believe him. He has never lied to me. I asked him if it was me, if he is still attracted to me, he says of course. So I have NO idea what the deal is. He says he is stressed with work and things around the house. Does sex for a man decrease with age? He just does not seem as sexual anymore. Thanks!


Hi brittany 78.

I read somewhere that most relationships settle after about 2 years and sex frequency decreases This also happened in my previous realtionships) I dont think it is anything personal against you. Maybe you have a higher sex drive


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

When you met him he was having to take medication to keep up. This is a huge indicator that he doesn't really have a high sex drive.It's not fair to ask him to essentially change who he is. What is fair is sitting down and coming up with a compromise.

Talk about what turns him on. Talk about his fantasies. You really need to try and understand. If he is stressed at work ask him if he would like to explain it to you. He said he is stressed at home. Why? Home is the place you come to to de-stress from work. If he is stressed both places, and nothing is being done to minimize that this definitely isn't going to get better. 

If after a period of time things don't improve to your satisfaction, you need to consider what you will do next: Sit and complain, leave, or live with it. 

Out of curiosity...how long did you two date before getting married? Did you live together before marriage?


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Stress level plays a huge part in sex drive. That shouldn't be news to anyone but it's the truth. 

Does he communicate with you specifically about what is causing him stress? Talking it through can be a big help. I would also add that perhaps he needs some kind of hobby or even physical outlet to relieve stress.

I work out at the gym 4 nights a week to help alleviate my stress. some other guys I know go to a driving range and hit about 50 golf balls. It's a good release.

The other thing I might suggest is to find out what really arouses him. If he likes porn at all, watch it with him. If he likes the fantasy of role playing then do that with him as well. After a few years, things do settle down so maybe it's time to explore some fantasies to spice it up a bit.

Break out some lingerie or suggest other things that you know will turn his attention to sex. 

Anyway, I hope these suggestions help but I would really focus on relieving the stress as much as possible as that is just a killer on your sex drive.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> When you met him he was having to take medication to keep up. This is a huge indicator that he doesn't really have a high sex drive.It's not fair to ask him to essentially change who he is. What is fair is sitting down and coming up with a compromise.
> 
> Talk about what turns him on. Talk about his fantasies. You really need to try and understand. If he is stressed at work ask him if he would like to explain it to you. He said he is stressed at home. Why? Home is the place you come to to de-stress from work. If he is stressed both places, and nothing is being done to minimize that this definitely isn't going to get better.
> 
> ...


Actually, I think she said that he took medication for his anxiety and probably took the blue pills because of the anxiety medication....if I understood her correctly.


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## Brittany78 (Jul 26, 2014)

Thank you everyone for your advice. Yes he did take the Viagra pills for anxiety. There is nothing physically wrong with him. I have sat down and talked with him. I am very understanding of him and his stress and work. I have asked him what I can do, asked him if he wants to watch porn, gets some toys ect...he doesn't. So I am just assuming he has a low sex drive. When he first met he came across as having a high sex drive, but he had the pill. Now he doesn't, so maybe, the true "him" is coming out. I am ok with that, I just wanted to know if the sex drive in a man really decreases with age or if he never really had much of one in your guys opinion. I don't want to ask him that!


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

If he is stressed, his desire will likely go down. I would suggest doing anything you can to help alleviate his stress. Maybe he would love a massage after work with no talking and just some soft music. I'm sure if this was done naked when the kids are in bed it might lead to what you are looking for.


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## jasmine9 (Jul 18, 2014)

Mostlycontent said:


> Stress level plays a huge part in sex drive. That shouldn't be news to anyone but it's the truth.
> 
> Does he communicate with you specifically about what is causing him stress? Talking it through can be a big help. I would also add that perhaps he needs some kind of hobby or even physical outlet to relieve stress.
> 
> ...


Why would you suggest porn? Do you realize what this can do to a marriage? She may end up with bigger problems. Porn should not be a solution.


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

Mostlycontent said:


> Stress level plays a huge part in sex drive. That shouldn't be news to anyone but it's the truth.
> 
> Does he communicate with you specifically about what is causing him stress? Talking it through can be a big help. I would also add that perhaps he needs some kind of hobby or even physical outlet to relieve stress.
> 
> ...


Good stuff here. For a guy our biggest sex organ (our brain) needs to be in good shape to really enjoy sex. Good cardio is also really important. 10 years ago, after over 20 years married, I started to get in shape and lose weight. Not only am I much happier and feel good but I hook up with wifey 6-7 times/week.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

jasmine9 said:


> Why would you suggest porn? Do you realize what this can do to a marriage? She may end up with bigger problems. Porn should not be a solution.


Couples who are in agreement use porn together without any problems. The poster did not suggest the husband watch it alone but together as a couple. Not that I agree  with that solution but I sure do not agree that a couple who are ok with are somehow headed down a terrible path.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

richie33 said:


> Couples who are in agreement use porn together without any problems. The poster did not suggest the husband watch it alone but together as a couple. Not that I agree with that solution but I sure do not agree that a couple who are ok with are somehow headed down a terrible path.


That's correct. I know not everyone is into that sort of thing but some are. My W and I used to watch it a little bit in year's past but don't anymore. If watched together, perhaps it could be arousing for some men. It's just a suggestion as we obviously don't know OP's husband. 

My W and I have tried a lot of things over the years to stay aroused and very sexually active with one another. As you might expect, staying away from too many routines and keeping it fresh and interesting is the challenge the more years you are married and we've been together close to 30 years.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think he has probably just relaxed into what is his natural rhythm without pills in his system. Plus, he's already told you one of the reasons for his decreased desire which is stress.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Brittany78 said:


> He says he is stressed with work and things around the house.


well, at least make the home as stress free as you can. Offer him a soothing massage, scented oils, new age music playing softly, rub his whole body, and see if after 20 minutes of that he is ready for some hot sex or not.

And nothing wrong with being on Levitra/Viagra/Cialis. If that is what he needs, that is what he needs. The Cialis stays in the system a lot longer, so you do not have to time things so precisely.


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## TryingTilda (Apr 21, 2014)

If he has "anxiety issues" the worst thing you can do is push or complain; not saying you don't have the right to, but anxious people react with more anxiety! Be patient, help him deal with his anxiety. Maybe you have to find out if there's something in his past he needs to sort out now.


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