# Please help need marriage advice



## FugateMommy (Feb 2, 2012)

Someone please help give me some advice, I really don't know what to do anymore, I got married to the love of my life almost a year ago and it started out perfect, we have now 2 kids together and are fighting all the time, I love my husband and my kids more than anything in this world and I would do anything to make them happy. I feel greatly unappreciated, I feel like if anything is upsetting my husband it gets taken out on me, if the kids cry, I get the verbal abuse, cussing and yelling, it's not healthy for the kids for one and why am I always getting the blame, he's always saying he's going to leave me that he's through with me, I don't know why, I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what I do wrong, I try to do everything I can to make his day easier becaause he works and I don't right now, but what do you do when you don't even realize your doing anything wrong? DO you think he just wants an excuse to leave me and get out of the situation, I know two young kids are very stressfull, but sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to be in the picture, I know he loves his kids to death and is a wonderful father but its killing me to act like nothings wrong anymore, I cry myself to sleep almost every night, all I want in the world is to make my marriage work and I feel like its just falling apart, we can argue over anything, if I even look the wrong way at him he *****es me out over nothing, he is bi-polar maybe this has soemthing to do with it idk but I'm really starting to get depressed and don't know what to do to fix this anymore, or if this can even be fixed and it breaks my heart because he's all I want, I still love him to death and don't wanna lose him, someone plz help me, what do i do???


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My ex husband was a verbal abuser to the extreme. He was also unfaithful and I left him after a year of marriage. His abuse has gotten worse these past 17 years. He took it out on our daughter.

He would also start arguments then leave. Guess what, he was doing this so he could meet other women. I also noticed he changed his style of clothing, he was dressing nicer and taking my car(nicer then his). I've also read when a man or woman starts a fight then leaves the house, this is a sign of cheating.

Maybe you need to investigate and search through his computer and cell phone just to make sure. 

I'm not saying he is cheating, but it's worth looking in to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Read "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". Are you meeting his needs? Is he meeting yours? Obviously his angry outbursts are a love buster but is there an underlying cause behind them? It doesn't excuse him for the verbal abuse but the longer I've been here on TAM the more I seem to find that there is always a "rest of the story" (apologies to Paul Harvey) that mitigates the circumstances. We're only hearing your side of it. If you want real advise make sure you are disclosing everything even if it puts you in a bad light.

Edit: Forgot I was in The Ladies Lounge. Apologies for interjecting inappropriately.


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## Sunshine22 (Feb 3, 2012)

Do not blame yourself. Stop panicking. Obviously he is immature and wants to control you. Why was he the love of your life then? He probably didn't treat you like this did he? Help set some priorities. You probably have several issues you are contending with but you can only work on say the top 3 at a time. Slow down, get a babysitter and go out to eat in a public place and have a 1:1 talk


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

FugateMommy said:


> I got married to the love of my life almost a year ago and it started out perfect. I feel greatly unappreciated, I feel like if anything is upsetting my husband it gets taken out on me, if the kids cry, I get the verbal abuse, cussing and yelling, it's not healthy for the kids for one and why am I always getting the blame, he's always saying he's going to leave me that he's through with me, I don't know why, I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what I do wrong, I try to do everything I can to make his day easier becaause he works and I don't right now, but what do you do when you don't even realize your doing anything wrong?


Talk to him about how his behavior makes you feel. Tell him you will not be mistreated and spoken to in that manner, especially not in front of your kids. 
His behavior is NOT ok. He sounds like an abusive jerk. 
What is his relationship like with his mom/family/friends? Suggest couples counselling. DO NOT let your kids be in that kind of environment where he is acting like an ass.



I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My ex husband was a verbal abuser to the extreme. He was also unfaithful and I left him after a year of marriage. His abuse has gotten worse these past 17 years. He took it out on our daughter.
> 
> He would also start arguments then leave. Guess what, he was doing this so he could meet other women. I also noticed he changed his style of clothing, he was dressing nicer and taking my car(nicer then his). I've also read when a man or woman starts a fight then leaves the house, this is a sign of cheating.
> 
> ...


InLoveHubby: I think our ex husbands were long lost brothers. My ex would always start fights with me too and leave and close the door in my face so that I wouldn't talk to him. I did found out he was looking up to hook up via sex sites/ads online. I wonder if there is SO much more I never found out. 

What ever happened to your ex? Did he ever remarry?


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Talk to him about how his behavior makes you feel. Tell him you will not be mistreated and spoken to in that manner, especially not in front of your kids.
> His behavior is NOT ok. He sounds like an abusive jerk.
> What is his relationship like with his mom/family/friends? Suggest couples counselling. DO NOT let your kids be in that kind of environment where he is acting like an ass.
> 
> ...


 
I am so glad you got out of that and you can give good advice to others.


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## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

FugateMommy said:


> Someone please help give me some advice, I really don't know what to do anymore, I got married to the love of my life almost a year ago and it started out perfect, we have now 2 kids together and are fighting all the time, I love my husband and my kids more than anything in this world and I would do anything to make them happy. I feel greatly unappreciated, I feel like if anything is upsetting my husband it gets taken out on me, if the kids cry, I get the verbal abuse, cussing and yelling, it's not healthy for the kids for one and why am I always getting the blame, he's always saying he's going to leave me that he's through with me, I don't know why, I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what I do wrong, I try to do everything I can to make his day easier becaause he works and I don't right now, but what do you do when you don't even realize your doing anything wrong? DO you think he just wants an excuse to leave me and get out of the situation, I know two young kids are very stressfull, but sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to be in the picture, I know he loves his kids to death and is a wonderful father but its killing me to act like nothings wrong anymore, I cry myself to sleep almost every night, all I want in the world is to make my marriage work and I feel like its just falling apart, we can argue over anything, if I even look the wrong way at him he *****es me out over nothing, he is bi-polar maybe this has soemthing to do with it idk but I'm really starting to get depressed and don't know what to do to fix this anymore, or if this can even be fixed and it breaks my heart because he's all I want, I still love him to death and don't wanna lose him, someone plz help me, what do i do???


How long did you date before getting married ?


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## Jennifer_DIN (Feb 5, 2012)

You mentioned he's bi-polar?

If that's the case I think that has everything to do with it!!!
Is he on medication? Is it the right type, the right dose for him? Is irritability/anger a side effect? Being with someone with a mental illness requires a lot of understanding and patience. They need so much support and there is so much about their moods they don't have full awareness of or control over. If there's a change in medication that could help he should see his doctor and say there is a problem!

If you don't want to confront him and have a massive fight why don't you write him a letter explaining how you feel? That way you can make sure you have a chance to explain how much you love him and how much you want to work things out as well as getting across what your problems are. 

Maybe you could then talk things through or go to counselling together?


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