# Is he still Attracted to me ??? Please Help me Understand



## Britt8984 (Mar 13, 2015)

Hi I needed some advice about my husband . 
We have been together for about 6 years and I feel he is not sexually attracted to me anymore . I have given birth to 4 children so I know my body doesn't look like it used to but I have gained about 25 pounds and I now weight 150 so I know im pretty big . We had a baby about 6 months ago and have had sex once , he tells me that married couples don't have sex very much but I think that's his excuse because he isn't attacted to me . I have caught him so many times looking at pretty girls and then when I see him do it and say something he pretends he didn't even see her walk past so now I don't even say anything but it makes me feel like im not good enough for him . Its got as bad as me changing in the bathroom with the door closed so he cant see me . My stomach isn't very attractive and he tries to tell me that ive had 4 kids and that I look good but if I did why doesn't he ever touch me , even if he walks past and slides his hand across my side and ends up touching my stomach I get uncomfortable and he like pauses and moves his hand because he doesn't like it I think .. I don't blame his though , I just don't understand if its normal for him to look ? but right infront of me ? about a year ago I would try to be intermit with him and now I don't try at all because he has denied me before so I just don't bother . He also used to look at me if I walked by not fully dressed and make comments and now he doesn't look at all not once .. and if he does I hide anyways because I don't want to disgust him ... I just don't know what to do and I really need some help .. i even try sometimes to just think in my head like oh he is just my friend so if he does look im just like whatever and i don't try to be intimate because i think to myself i try to pretend that we are together but not "together" ... i dunno its really messed up and i really need some help in understand whats going on and what i should do ... im now also only eating one meal a day and that's dinner with him so i can lose weight , i tried everything else and nothing is working so i figure if i don't eat how can i gain weight ... and at times , not all the time but at times ill say well i wanna get cookies or whatever that's not healthy and hell be like no no were aren't getting those , you don't need em lol so i know he thinks im fat but then other times hell be like do u want some chocolate so like WTF .. but im gonna lose the weight but do you think he wants someone else and he tells me oh your pretty or you look good but if i did why do you have to look else where


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## octaviaa (Mar 3, 2015)

Your husband is attracted to you. Your insecurities and thoughts about your body, is only YOUR thoughts. These are not his thoughts about you. When you think a thought over and over, you find ways to prove it. Such as: watching him look at other women, and then feeling bad about yourself. Newsflash, men look at women, all of them do no matter how "hot" their wife is. That doesn't mean they don't look at you too.

The fact is after we have children, our bodies don't look the same. It's life, and can't be fully changed. Especially right after we have a baby, it takes a little bit to bounce back. That doesn't mean as women we are not still beautiful.

This is my advice, stop looking to your past self as being the only beautiful you. Start looking at yourself now as a very beautiful and sexy woman. You are, having children does not change that fact. When you do have a negative thoughts about your body, look to the things you like about you. Even attributes you have on the inside. Also take time to care for yourself. Fix your hair, take hot baths, paint your nails etc. Having children doesn't mean you give up on pampering yourself. Confidence is sexy, and it will show in your marriage.

I spent years thinking I was fat & ugly. My husband (boyfriend at the time) would try to touch me, and I'd shy away. In his eyes I was rejecting him, and not wanting to have an intimate relationship with him. He loved me the way I was, and thought I was sexy. I changed the way I thought, and over time felt beautiful in my own skin. I stopped shying away from my husband which created a great intimate relationship between the two of us. 

Hope this helps! Men love their women, regardless of who is out there. What they don't love is our insecurities about our bodies, and having to pay the price for our insecurities.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Britt8984 said:


> Hi I needed some advice about my husband .
> We have been together for about 6 years and I feel he is not sexually attracted to me anymore . I have given birth to 4 children so I know my body doesn't look like it used to but I have gained about 25 pounds and I now weight 150 so I know im pretty big . We had a baby about 6 months ago and have had sex once , he tells me that married couples don't have sex very much but I think that's his excuse because he isn't attacted to me . I have caught him so many times looking at pretty girls and then when I see him do it and say something he pretends he didn't even see her walk past so now I don't even say anything but it makes me feel like im not good enough for him . Its got as bad as me changing in the bathroom with the door closed so he cant see me . My stomach isn't very attractive and he tries to tell me that ive had 4 kids and that I look good but if I did why doesn't he ever touch me , even if he walks past and slides his hand across my side and ends up touching my stomach I get uncomfortable and he like pauses and moves his hand because he doesn't like it I think .. I don't blame his though , I just don't understand if its normal for him to look ? but right infront of me ? about a year ago I would try to be intermit with him and now I don't try at all because he has denied me before so I just don't bother . He also used to look at me if I walked by not fully dressed and make comments and now he doesn't look at all not once .. and if he does I hide anyways because I don't want to disgust him ... I just don't know what to do and I really need some help .. i even try sometimes to just think in my head like oh he is just my friend so if he does look im just like whatever and i don't try to be intimate because i think to myself i try to pretend that we are together but not "together" ... i dunno its really messed up and i really need some help in understand whats going on and what i should do ...* im now also only eating one meal a day and that's dinner with him so i can lose weight* , i tried everything else and nothing is working so i figure if i don't eat how can i gain weight ... and at times , not all the time but at times ill say well i wanna get cookies or whatever that's not healthy and hell be like no no were aren't getting those , you don't need em lol so i know he thinks im fat but then other times hell be like do u want some chocolate so like WTF .. but im gonna lose the weight but do you think he wants someone else and he tells me oh your pretty or you look good but if i did why do you have to look else where


Don't do that. Small HEALTHY meals throughout the day will work best. And you didn't say anything about exercise. If you aren't exercising, start doing it! But anyways, this ain't a Weight Watchers forum.

Confidence is sexy. By all means try to loose the weight, but if it takes longer than expected, don't worry about it. Keep doing it and be happy and ACT HAPPY with who you are. Personally, I find that to be sexy as hell. 

Flaunt those curves.


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## PM1 (Aug 9, 2011)

Great advice above. When you mentioned him touching you and when he gets to your stomach you tense up, did you ever think he might read that as not wanting to be touched? As said by others, confidence is sexy. 

You didn't really hit on how frequent you were intimate before the kids/weight concern. Has it dropped off or has he always been like this? 

I agree you should take care of yourself, and I'd guess exercise will do as much or more than dieting (assuming you eat moderately healthy). Muscle burns more calories than fat anyway, and you will feel better as you exercise more. 

You said you are 150 and "pretty big"? Unless you are 4'2", I'd guess you are not nearly as "big" as all that. And you had 4 kids in 6 years? I'm amazed you could pull that off and be anywhere near a decent weight like 150. That's a lot to put your body through. Give yourself some leeway to take time to get back to where you feel you want to be (for yourself).

My wife recently put on weight, to the point where visually I was struggling with admitting it was not as attractive as she used to be. I felt really conflicted as I am not in shape either so I felt like a hypocrite, but I also didn't want her to feel like I felt she was ugly, because she isn't. What I came to realize is that while I wish she was a healthier weight (truly for health reasons) a lot of what started putting me off was her demeanor and attitude. She felt big and it impacted her confidence and I think that was more of what I picked up on. And I was concerned that for a while she didn't seem to care (based on actions) that she had put on weight. We communicated and she said I hadn't been doing things like touching her like I used to (just little flirty stuff) and we realized she hadn't really been welcoming that touch either. 

So from my experience, even with the extra weight (she is more than 150, by the way) I was still attracted to her in general, but the confidence and other factors really did take its toll. Communicate, and work to be healthy for yourself so you feel good. you will project that and hopefully it helps. Good luck, getting in shape is work. (maybe you could go on walks with your husband to get some exercise and chat time)


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## ladymisato (Aug 5, 2014)

Britt8984 said:


> ...do you think he wants someone else and he tells me oh your pretty or you look good but if i did why do you have to look else where


I'm sorry to hear that you are having these troubles in your marriage. I think there is a lot of good advice from others so far and I hope that you listen to it.

In particular, I'd like to just mention that men are scum and often looking around at pretty women (or viewing porn). Getting your husband not to do this is hard but it has nothing to do with how you look.

On the other hand, as some have suggested, you could be driving him away. How you carry yourself is far more important than how you look.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

ladymisato said:


> In particular, I'd like to just mention that men are scum and often looking around at pretty women (or viewing porn). Getting your husband not to do this is hard but it has nothing to do with how you look.


Tell us how you really feel! LoL


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Britt,

I think the common denominator among all of the comments is that 80% of your husbands response is probably a reaction from what your projecting in terms of your self body image. I thought my wife looked hot at 160 (pear shape) but she didn't see it that way...and she always got uncomfortable and ashamed if I looked at her body or touched her.. It was a real buzzkill and I had a very hard time helping her disengaging her negative self-talk...thus it hurt us in a big way of being able to connect.

There are some larger women out there that work with what they have with scores of men drooling after them. Ashely Graham (will be featured on new SI Swimsuit) is 170 lbs. Marilyn Monroe fluctuated between 118 and 140 lbs. Christina Hendricks weighs 170 lbs. Given, they have body types that carries the weight well.

Pears and hourglasses seem to carry weight better...but if you are more of an apple or some other type that aims extra fat above the waistline, then it may be more noticeable. So I say, for that other 20% that goes beyond your self-image...I say look up The Primal Blueprint and marksdailyapple.com...it will change your whole view on food and eating and exercise, where often a simple diet change will boost your energy, drop the pounds, and change your whole outlook.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You quit acting sexual around him about a year ago and your baby is 6 months old. He touches you but you feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't go out of my way to get it on with someone who doesn't want my touch or who feels uncomfortable with my touch or with me seeing them naked. Of course, he looks at attractive girls. He's a guy. He'd probably look at you, too, but he doesn't have X-ray vision and you're hiding behind a bathroom door. The difference between 125 lbs and 150 isn't much at all and it's certainly no deal-breaker for 99.99% of men. Your man doesn't see you the same way he sees every other woman on earth. You are the mother of his kids. You are the woman he fell in love with, the one he depends on, the one he trudges off to work for, the one he comes home to every day. You know his secrets, you know exactly what he likes, what he doesn't like, and you know better than any woman on earth how to get that man naked and send him over the moon. I think your body image hang-up is more your thing than his. If you were burned in a car fire, he'd still see the woman he loves. When you're 90 and wrinkled like a raisin and crazy as an out-house rat, he'll still see his bride and he'll probably still want to jump your bones. You think 25 lbs is going to keep him out of your drawers? Hardly.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Britt;
Most of the other posters have nailed it. My wife has quite a few pounds on you and I still think she is sexy. I tell her that more often than not. She is very confident with her body and. To her the only one that matters is me. Would I like her to lose weight?? Yes, but I can't force her nor will I even suggest it. I love her for who and what she is. 
Do I look at other women?? I'd be a liar if I said I didn't. Hell, I even have a very attractive woman for wallpaper on my phone (Katie McGrath).
What can be more beautiful than a mother that loves her husband and children and above all loves herself?? 
You could be the most beautiful woman on the planet and guess what??? If your husband is a normal man, he'll still look at other women. It just what men do. Dropping a few pounds isn't very hard to do. You just have to decide you want to do it. Nobody else can make that decision for you.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Omar174 said:


> Don't do that. Small HEALTHY meals throughout the day will work best.


No, what works best for people is works best for people. Small meals throughout are not necessary, unless a person enjoys eating on that schedule. Meal timing is irrelevant as long as you're in a deficit. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to weight loss and maintenance. 

- Signed someone who's lost over 100lbs who can't stand eating several small meals throughout the day


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

The fact that your husband said married couples don't have sex very much and that he started denying you about a year ago has seemed to be overlooked.
OP did you start hiding your body around him/ acting self conscious before or after the sex started to drop?


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

Lose the weight for yourself first and foremost :smthumbup:


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

wanna lose weight guaranteed ?? and feel lots better about yourself and be sexy???

head over to the local gym. sign up with a competent female trainer and go 3 or 4 times a week. try to stay with free weights. fastest way to lose fat and tone up.

stop eating anything with sugar in it. stop eating white food. bread, pasta, potatoes... rice. anything white.

3 months, you wont recognize yourself. like wow! its important to take action and stay with it. do it now. not next week.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

jaquen said:


> No, what works best for people is works best for people. Small meals throughout are not necessary, unless a person enjoys eating on that schedule. Meal timing is irrelevant as long as you're in a deficit. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to weight loss and maintenance.
> 
> - Signed someone who's lost over 100lbs who can't stand eating several small meals throughout the day


I'm with you! those small frequent meals and big breakfast myths are just myth, with no proven science behind it. 

For me intermittent fasting is a way of life now - much happier and lighter person.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

octaviaa said:


> Your husband is attracted to you. Your insecurities and thoughts about your body, is only YOUR thoughts.
> 
> My husband (boyfriend at the time) would try to touch me, and I'd shy away. *In his eyes I was rejecting him, and not wanting to have an intimate relationship with him. He loved me the way I was, and thought I was sexy.* I changed the way I thought, and over time felt beautiful in my own skin. I stopped shying away from my husband which created a great intimate relationship between the two of us.


It took me a long time to get my wife to understand I thought she was attractive. I bought her a tiara and wrapped it up. I gave it to her and said "I got you some lingerie, I want you to wear this & nothing else, and wear it around the house!" When she would hide behind doors, not let me into the shower with her, it was REJECTION, and who wants to feel that?


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