# PROBLEM with my wife's sexual lifestyle.



## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Hi everyone,
I have a problem I would like some advice on.
My wife and I have been married 4 years, and together 7. We have always had an open relationship where we can be physical with others. It has been something we have been very comfortable with and has worked.... until the last couple of months.

My wife takes advantage of this set up way more than I do. In fact the reason we have this arrangement in the first place is because she was quite honest and upfront about her preferred life style. Her goal in life is to have as many sexual partners as possible. And honestly, if there wasn't so much of a spark between us then I wouldn't have been so willing to sit down and listen to her reasonings and wants. In the end, we have lived 7 happy years. I support us, and she fulfills her life goal by searching for partners in a variety of areas most days and nights.

We have always had strict rules set up, and I have always felt appreciated that she feels grateful I accept her. I felt good too because we came to the rules/boundaries together. 

BUT. About 2 mths ago she sat down and told me that the rules we have aren't working for her anymore. That they feel too restrictive and she wants to be able to pursue partners even more. She has a quota she likes to meet each week, and now she wants to double that. Saturdays have always been set aside just for us, and now she wants to leave that day open if she feels the need to go out. Which for the last month she has.
I feel like I have been put on the back burner, and being so accepting of her has been thrown back in my face. As I write this it is 11pm, and she is still not home and she has been out since 10am!!

She tells me she still loves me and wants to be with me, but this is what she wants to focus on. We have molded our lives around her needs, and even converted the garage into a room she can bring people into instead of the house. And now, she is in there a lot and out a lot. I have tried talking to her, but she brushes it off. We have always had such a great open stream of conversation. I am worried that this may have become an addiction, or possibly she is sick of the marriage.

I dont know. Advice please????

Thank you
Michael


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

No advice. But thanks for posting an example of what *could* happen to people who live this lifestyle. 
Seems like yall opened pandoras box, and now you want to close it. 
Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Be prepared for the advice and negative tone you will undoubtedly get from a pro-marriage site based on your lifestyle. Deal with the up upcoming comments and don't run (many here do) and apply what is suggested as it pertains to you. If you read most posts, ACTIONS speak louder than words in the failing/failed marriages here. I hope that someone here has a failing open marriage and can offer solutions on what works for them...lots of luck guy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Whats the point of the marriage other than for you to enable your wife being a promiscuous dysfunctional garage entertainer?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Um, open marriages never work out.

I wouldn't ever accept it. I'm a one man woman only. Thank goodness my husband has the same view of fidelity.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

whatslovegottodowithit.
Yeah. I can see most of the initial posts aren't actually advice. Just people attempting to reinforce some sense of superiority. I'll wait to someone open minded has their say. Thanks!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Advice: recognize the situation for what it is. She no longer values you or sees you as a priority in her life.

A quota per week? When does that leave any time or room for you as a couple? Answer... None.

The only way an open relationship works is when you have both 100% trust and respect AND when your primary partner is #1. You always have right if first refusal, and right to set boundaries.

Your do called wife isn't living they way. You are now nothing more than a obligation.

She also very much sounds like a sex addict. I can't image the human trash she's having to troll for to have do many partners in a week. 

Why doesn't she get a job in a brothel and make money at this?

My advice is to recognize the truth of your marriage and to respect yourself. Stand up for what's right for you and I suspect D your wife. She isn't honoring her commitment to you, and she clear isn't respecting or valuing you.

Who is your wife's primary priority? We both know it isn't you.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

So your definition of open minded is a man that will support his wife openly ****ing other men in the garage on saturdays when she is suppossed to be with her husband because her numbers of sexual conquests are insufficient to suit her?


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

marriage soon said:


> whatslovegottodowithit.
> Yeah. I can see most of the initial posts aren't actually advice. Just people attempting to reinforce some sense of superiority. I'll wait to someone open minded has their say. Thanks!


Im not trying to say im superior or that you are inferior 
You will get that, probably from others on this forum. 
Im saying your post is an example of one outcome of an open marriage. Im sure there are success stories. But yours (apparently) is not one of them. 
Which is a true statement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

The only thing I can add is that if you told me at the beginning of your marriage that it would be an open one, I'd immediately think 'trainwreck'. Never underestimate human nature.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Hmmmm, some interesting comments. And some ones I wont give another seconds thought.
I have definitely felt we are in an equal marriage. I have felt loved, and appreciated. And yes, whilst I may have been "enabling" my wife f******* men in the garage it worked for us.

I am quite concerned that this may have become an addiction for her. Her quota has gone from 15 to 30 a week and she is spending a lot more time out finding people. I am worried she is putting herself in stupid situations as well.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Let me ask this another way.

Since she's now recruiting and having sex 7 days a week with other men. What is left of her as a wife? You say you have chemistry, but what good is chemistry when the other person is unavailable?

You'd actually get more time with her if you left her and just cane by once a week for sex.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As someone who has participated in a casually swinging relationship with my GF of two years... Your relationship is having issues because you're not in agreement about what's acceptable and what's not, in my opinion. With my GF, OUR relationship comes first. Everyone else has been "fun" and very very secondary to us. If one of us felt uncomfortable with an idea or situation, we feel comfortable about speaking up and expressing our concerns, and the idea gets put away. 

Honestly, I think your wife needs help. Having "quotas"? She sounds like she got some issues that are driving her behaviour, and it's not healthy. Not emotionally or possibly physically. But that's just my armchair opinion, off the Internet. 

Btw, why is your profile name "marriage soon"? Just curious. 

C


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

As far as advice goes, i would think that it would follow the same lines as if yall had a monogamous marriage. 

-your wife and yourself set up clear boundaries 
-she is now wanting to change those boundaries
-you are not comfortable with that


Then you need to reinforce them and let her know. If she cannot adjust an take your feelings/discomfort into consideration, then you need to have a serious talk with her and evaluate your marriage. 
Its the same advice you would get if say your wife was going out too much and leaving you at home with the kids. 
Decide what you will tolerate and/or accept, talk to her, an draw your line in the sand. 
I cant tell you how many marriages here have suffered for failure to do just that. Mine included.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

PBear. Thanks. Yes. I agree, I do think she may need to speak to someone at this point. And with our rules, regardless of her extreme wants, made me feel our marriage came first.

The marriage soon bit comes from a post I put up AGES ago regarding a friends upcoming marriage. I forgot I had it, and when I went to type in my email address and start a new one it said I already had this... so instead of starting another.... sorry. Boring story.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

naga75. Yes. I think I may have perhaps been too willing to accept her lifestyle, and whilst it could have remained open maybe not so much.
I have given a lot to her. I mean, our marriage was a sex themed wedding, and that caused a bit a drama. So maybe it's time to redraw those boundaries a little.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Yes and the boundaries that are redrawn need to be acceptable to BOTH of you, not just your wife. 
If you let her set the tone and capitulate on something thats very important (individual boundaries/comfort) yalls type of relationship, you wont ever get her to meet you in the middle without some serious problems. 
The time to do it is NOW, though it seems she has already changed the rules and is now trying to see how far you can be pushed. 
Happens in so called "normal" marriages too. All the time. 
Get a handle on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

A long long time ago someone figured out that you reap what you sow. Wow. You seriously have to have seen this coming and known it was a risky way to live your life. Calling it a 'lifestyle' is just as false as calling it sustainable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

marriage soon said:


> I am quite concerned that this may have become an addiction for her. Her quota has gone from 15 to 30 a week and she is spending a lot more time out finding people. I am worried she is putting herself in stupid situations as well.


When she announced that she had ANY quota it was an addiction. A hallmark of addiction is putting herself in dangerous situations in order to feed the need. 

Is she employed? Independently wealthy? How does she pay her bills when she needs to find 30 men a week to sleep with? Does it appear she has any standards at all or is she in for all takers? If she has standards has she lowered them? What steps are taken to protect against STDs? Have you ever felt you are also in danger bringing 15 plus strange men per week to your home garage so they all know where you live? Do you have any concerns about STDs yourself?

Despite your suspicions about some of the posters intentions, yours truly included, it is VERY common for members to ask questions to better understand your facts before dispensing advice. In fact asking questions to better understand your situation is most common rather than the exception. I hope that puts you more at ease with some posters.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

30 men a week? You knowingly put your johnson in this petri dish?


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I have been in correspondence for some months with a man who has an open marriage. The marriage has worked for the past 16 or so years and continues to work.

In their case, however, the marriage is and always has been the primary relationship. The rules they have are that each party may engage in sexual conduct outside the marriage but they must be entirely honest with one another about what they are doing/have done and who with. This particular couple has engaged in swinging in the past but I think they don't bother now.

I don't know intimate details but I certainly get the impression that any activity with other people is very limited and I am completely sure that the man I am in touch with would not tolerate his wife having quotas of men to sleep with.

I think that you have a serious problem to deal with here but I am not sure what to suggest, other than redrawing the boundaries and if that doesn't work then you may need to call it a day.

What are you doing to ensure your wife is not contracting all manner of ghastly diseases to pass on to you?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

You could try doing the same thing as her...

But seriously, she wants "as many partners as possible"?? Is she a porn actress? I honestly have some doubts this letter is even for real.

Forget everything about boundaries, your marriage or your relationship for a moment, *the most important thing you should be concerned about is your health!!*

I'm all in favor of open relationships, but this is ridiculous. Her husband should always be first priority, otherwise what is the point of being married?


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Mr Used To Know.
No, she isn't employed. She used to work in a brothel a few years back but quit. I have always been happy to support her. She gets checked out reguarly for STD's and uses condoms as much as possible. It is something I am always weary of. And not all men come back to the garage, she meets a lot when she goes cruising. So a lot dont know where we are. 

She is truly a beautiful woman and has no problem picking up. So, I can see her easily getting 15 partners a week. But 30. I dont know if she has lowered her standards, but she would be less picky I suppose.

BrokeLanders, you are being disrespectful.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

marriage soon said:


> Mr Used To Know.
> No, she isn't employed. She used to work in a brothel a few years back but quit. I have always been happy to support her. She gets checked out reguarly for STD's and uses condoms as much as possible. It is something I am always weary of. And not all men come back to the garage, she meets a lot when she goes cruising. So a lot dont know where we are.
> 
> She is truly a beautiful woman and has no problem picking up. So, I can see her easily getting 15 partners a week. But 30. I dont know if she has lowered her standards, but she would be less picky I suppose.
> ...


I'm just telling you how it is. You are disrespecting yourself. Condoms arent going to protect you from herpes. Kevlar vests cant protect you from a headshot.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Theseus said:


> You could try doing the same thing as her


30 a week? Who is going to pay the rent unless this is prostitution? You cant possibly identify and seduce 30 conquests a week unless its a full time pursuit and still hold a job unless it is your job. There are only 7 days in a week. Thats more than four a day. 15 is more than 2 a day. 

Is this for real? Hard to believe since mathematically it does not compute.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wow. Your wife has a serious problem with sex. This isn't about pleasure it's an obsessive compulsion, 15 or more per week? Cruising for more? 

If you add up the hours per week your wife spends in bed with other men, cruising for men, preparing herself for men, cleaning herself after men, and sleeping. How much time does she have for you?

Seriously how much marriage time is there? She's spending n hour or two per guy per day in the sack, followed by what 2-3 hours hunting for new ones? Chatting them up. Then what 1-2 hours dressing, makeup. The shopping for clothes etc?

Any other time is spent sleeping.

In a typical day how much time is there for you?

And what about your own sexual needs? Do she take care of you or does she save herself for the other men?


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

marriage soon said:


> Please, please tell me this isn't for real!
> 
> I am quite concerned that this may have become an addiction for her. Ya think! Her quota has gone from 15 to 30 a week  and she is spending a lot more time out finding people. sorry, I am beyond speechless. And so sad for you. I am worried she is putting herself in stupid situations as well. At this point, I would be more worried about the risk she is putting on you.


If this is for real then you both need to seek professional help.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

It's the target she goes for, and on average she spends at least 9 hrs pursuing people online, going to toilet blocks, dogging areas, car parks, sex cinemas, swinger parties and so on. 2 a day is not that hard to achieve.Although she doesn't always get her weekly number, it's what she aims for.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Aunt Ava. Yeah, I think the health risk is fast becoming my biggest concern. This board has becoming very helpful.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

If she's thrill seeking at this level I'd be highly suspect if she were always using condoms as well. Be careful man.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Your wife is a nympo. While you have co signed on this behavior in the past it's spiraling out of control. You need to get the both of you in MC. And she has a addiction that needs to addressed. 30 men or women a week sounds dangerous.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Wow. Your wife has a serious problem with sex. This isn't about pleasure it's an obsessive compulsion, 15 or more per week? Cruising for more?
> 
> If you add up the hours per week your wife spends in bed with other men, cruising for men, preparing herself for men, cleaning herself after men, and sleeping. How much time does she have for you?
> 
> ...


I'm not innumerate, so I have a hard time believing the OP's story. Or his wife has the most ravenous, obsessive addiction I've ever heard of.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Facebook friend looking to buy a motorcycle off craigslist when he went to look at the bike was robbed at gunpoint and hit in the face with the butt of the gun to the point it split his face open and it broke his nose. 

Im not seeing what is in this for you since she spends so little time with you now that she has even cancelled Saturdays. What would you like from the marriage? Are you codependent? 

It seems you have a definition problem. Those that have insight into open marriage define them as "equal", "with respected agreed upon boundaries" and "the marriage is the primary focus" 

Your situation does not meet those terms. 

Her needs are 

1. financial for food shelter clothing gas vehicle makeup maedical etc
2. acceptance of her lifestyle, quota, lack of availability to you

You are providing both at the moment. 

You asked if she was sick of the marriage. No she states verbatim she is sick only of the restrictions. 

If you are willing to finance the new quota and let up on the restrictions then you have met her needs. 

Now what is it that you want/need? Do you plan on discussing them with her? Do you believe she will be receptive to it?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

marriage soon said:


> whatslovegottodowithit.
> Yeah. I can see most of the initial posts aren't actually advice. Just people attempting to reinforce some sense of superiority. I'll wait to someone open minded has their say. Thanks!


Lets analyse this for a moment:

You speak of others as having a sense of superiority because they have different values than you, yet your use of the term as a pejorative actually shows you possess the very sense of superiority you disdain! 

Fascinating!


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Stonewall. That's what you comment on? That is the least helpful and relevant response yet. But hey, why not.....


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

marriage soon said:


> Stonewall. That's what you comment on? That is the least helpful and relevant response yet. But hey, why not.....


You have to take some advice with a thick skin. In my short time here, I noticed that many of the people in TAM are strongly opposed to open relationships, and yours (assuming it's for real) is the most extreme case I've ever heard of.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

marriage soon said:


> whatslovegottodowithit.
> Yeah. I can see most of the initial posts aren't actually advice. Just people attempting to reinforce some sense of superiority. I'll wait to someone open minded has their say. Thanks!


There's lots of sanctimonious people who love to show off their halos, just ignore them. I can understand an open relationship, but the numbers you're telling us are insane. Even 15 different men a year is pushing the envelope of reasonable adult behavior, married or not.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm curious... How many times a week do you and your wife have sex. With each other, I mean. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

marriage soon said:


> Stonewall. That's what you comment on? That is the least helpful and relevant response yet. But hey, why not.....


My post was specific to your devaluing of others posts. It could not be more relevant to that purpose. Try not to live in a vacuum of your own thoughts. You may actually find there is a world beyond you!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

What do you want out of a marriage?
Are you getting what you want? 
Is your marriage getting worse and farther away from what you want?
Do you see any sign of this getting better? Or just an ever-escalating worse?

It sounds like your wife is choosing a highly risky lifestyle with no concern for your needs or your health & welfare. I fail to see what you are getting from this marriage that is positive.

Maybe a single lifestyle would be best for your wife. Or maybe not, since you are fully supporting her financially.

Why do you want to stay married to her? Is this the kind of life you want?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm very open minded. I have known people who had open marriages and somehow it worked. 
If your post is real, I just don't see how you put up with this. I think she has a very real problem. She is addicted to sex. Again I'm not judging but this isn't good for either of you. 
How on earth do you not live in constant fear of getting STDs? 
Am I right that she doesn't have a job and she spends most of her time looking for partners and screwing? 
What is in this for you?
I imagine you thought it would be great to have partners on the side but she is just completely over the top.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

marriage soon said:


> Hmmmm, some interesting comments. And some ones I wont give another seconds thought.
> I have definitely felt we are in an equal marriage. I have felt loved, and appreciated. And yes, whilst I may have been "enabling" my wife f******* men in the garage it worked for us.
> 
> I am quite concerned that this may have become an addiction for her. Her quota has gone from 15 to 30 a week and she is spending a lot more time out finding people. I am worried she is putting herself in stupid situations as well.


I just have to say this, you are both in stupid situations....Your wife may also be getting into DANGEROUS situations....What about STD'S.....How can anyone have that much unprotected sex without getting something, and why would anyone WANT to have that much sex WITH condoms?

My wife and I were both HD, and probably hit that 15 a week mark with each other many times....I think it was a much more satisfying relationship than you are currently having with your wife.....

How often do you have sex with your wife?


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

diwali123 said:


> How on earth do you not live in constant fear of getting STDs?
> 
> Asked and answered. Essentially he does.
> 
> ...


What else could it be?


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

I was wondering if this thread was for real, I guess it is so here goes:

1. I can't imagine a male or female needing to have sex with 15 partners a week, let alone 30.

2. How many times a week do you have sex, with wifey or others?

3. Are you a HD man? Because I can't imagine any man agreeing to have their wife sleep with so many partners in an open marriage or otherwise.

4. You let these men into your home and sleep with your wife in the garage? It just the mere number of partners that has me worried for both of your safety.

5. What is your ideal marriage? It is evident that she has hers because she doesn't have to work, you pay the bills and she gets to sleep around and cruise for MORE MEN. It sounds like you are her main john who pays her bills and evryone else has sex with her for free. Just sayin', this is not an open marriage this is a john/prostitute relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

7 years times 10 per week since she doesnt always meet her previous quota. Is that 3640? 

24 hours in a day. 5 to 8 for sleep. Half hour to wash and get dressed after each of two lays. 15 minutes to 1 hour for the deeds. Hour to eat. Half hour for bodily functions. 9 hours online.

24-6-1-1-1-1-9 = 5 hours left for other pursuits 

If 9 hours online yields 2 lays a day, then it would take 18 hours to yield 30. This plan is going to fail.

So many men so little time


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

I don't think there is any moral argument to your lifestyle as long as you are both in agreement. You two are not so she is betraying you. She is investing in herself in her own selfish desires without considering what you might want out of your marriage, like some time, love and affection from your wife! She is being selfish. You know this is true. You deserve some consideration here.

Now lets do some math.. 15 per week for 52 weeks in a year.. times .. hmm say 30 years of activity... that's 23,400 partners in her life. That's an entire small town. It's an NHL hockey arena full of men.

Now if you do the stats work on this, given std rates, I'd bet you'd find that she is more likely to be struck by lightning then to NOT pick up some major diseases in her lifetime. Scary to think about. Be careful


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Although I dont think she could keep up that rate for 30 years. so lets say 15 years. thats still 11,700


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Sorry man,this goes against all the reasons you marry a person.
You don't share them with anyone else.You support her totally,
so she can sleep with any guy she wants.That's a pretty good
deal she has.

You said she always wanted the open relationship in the beginning,
but you sound like you did it to please her.If your not 100%
into it and at peace then divorce her. In my eyes normal males
never marry or have kids with this type of female.

Your being totally taken advantage of.

Divorce her as I think the mental damage is done.

You can never take this view you have of her back.

I imagine you have also lost all respect you had of her.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

marriage soon said:


> whatslovegottodowithit.
> Yeah. I can see most of the initial posts aren't actually advice. Just people attempting to reinforce some sense of superiority. I'll wait to someone open minded has their say. Thanks!


Do not confuse 'open minded' with 'something I want to hear'.

Because if I grilled your wife right now, she would say you are 'close minded'...according to her lights. She wants to double the number of penises she plays with...and NOW you have a problem with that.

An open marriage is already a very low boundary situation. Now she wants to make it less so. Women can ALWAYS get more trim than a guy. All she needs to do is say 'yes'.

So...I'm guessing your 'rules' include protection as well as Saturdays...but while you can verify where she is on a Saturday, you can't verify how many other rules she is violating...

Get an STD test. She has pretty much stated you are not enough for her. This could be a massive sh*t test, seeing of ANYTHING will offend your sensibilities...or she could just be a real life nymphomaniac.

It was all fun and games as long as you could dip your wick...now...not so much when the wick is going dry.

But let's go back to your initial assertion: people who are against your 'lifestyle' are close minded. Maybe. But I see civilization as a huge social experiment. Many billions of people from many different environments, cultures and upbringings have tried...well, pretty much EVERYTHING.

And what has the majority decided? Monogamy causes the least stress in a society. It leads to fewer murders, fewer divorces, fewer abandoned babies. Rich bastards might set up a 'multiple woman' exception for themselves...but for the most part EVERYONE says monogamy works.

You can deny it. But who is stressing over where his wife is...?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Is she busy this Thursday?


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> Is she busy this Thursday?


Sure, LOL, you can go last!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

JCD said:


> Do not confuse 'open minded' with 'something I want to hear'.
> 
> Because if I grilled your wife right now, she would say you are 'close minded'...according to her lights. She wants to double the number of penises she plays with...and NOW you have a problem with that.
> 
> ...


:iagree: x nine (nine paragraphs that are right on target) Great post.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Your wife has an addiction, this has gone from a lifestyle to an illness. You need to realize this is out of the boundaries of normal safe behavior.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> Sure, LOL, you can go last!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've heard that some guys are turned on by that!


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

In addition to the reasons others find their minds boggled, I just wonder: doesn't she ever get sore?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It's interesting how this thread has focused on the time and effort and risks the wife is taking for her lifestyle. And not many comments that are morally judgemental

I think the OP should take note of that and listen to us. 

The issue here isn't moral the issue is priorities and respect. 

Your wife is in her own private world driven by her own wants. You sir are not invited and she's just said the mild Saturday obligation she had with you is too much. 

Don't make a person a priority when they see you only as a obligation
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

marriage soon said:


> uses condoms as much as possible.


Ach du lieber! As much as possible could mean half the time. I hope you use them 100% of the time.

Sorry for the consecutive posts. I'll be quiet now.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

To answer a bunch of peoples questions:
Our sex life had been, up until recently, great. I have a high sex drive and we would have sex usually 4 - 5 times a week which would satisfy me. I too am able to be with others, but it's something I rarely do. On occassional I join in when she brings home a woman, or a single male and wants more.

What's in it for me? Unitl recently I felt valued and loved. I admit that I have loved knowing and on occassion watching groups of people have sex with my wife. But that particular kink is shared by MANY. Her having person after person made her happy, although as people mention addiction more and more I now am thinking about her happiness when doing it. She seems like she is doing it, rather than enjoying it. And to whoever mentioned, this is not any form of prostitution arrangement. No. 

Until recently I have had a wife who is beautiful, funny, intelligent and a great conversationalist.

It is true that on occassion she has brought home people I would not find desireable, and safety is always a concern. Neighboburs have complained about the constant stream of people going in and out.

And yes, all the focus on the math is correct. She has had thousands of partners. BUT, she doesn't reach that goal everyweek, it's something she aims for. So the number isn't simply 52 x 15/30 x 7.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Lets just say if she did meet the 15 men a week quota every week.. That is 780 men a year... Ewwwww


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I would highly recommend googling "sex addiction"....a lot of her behaviors you describing are classical addiction. What sad is in the throughs of an addiction if no one intervenes the addiction will just escalate and spira out of control. Very rarely are people with sex addiction able to kick it on their own initiative.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

mineforever. Yep. Looks like this is the path I am going.

Ladybug.... sigh.


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## Ignis (Feb 16, 2013)

marriage soon said:


> Hi everyone,
> I have a problem I would like some advice on.
> My wife and I have been married 4 years, and together 7. We have always had an open relationship where we can be physical with others. It has been something we have been very comfortable with and has worked.... until the last couple of months.
> 
> ...


If I am sincere, I don't quite get this idea about open relationship. What is the point? I mean, as I see relationship and marriage, it is something exclusive, a place where you share your whole self with the other and the opposite.

How is it possible to have successful relationship only with half a person? How you can share person with others?

Yes, maybe you should think about changing the rules: closed and exclusive relationship only - or nothing!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Does it always have to be new people? I would think it wouldn't be difficult for her to find frequent friends with benefits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Ignis. I have never seen my wife as half a person. What a ridiculous statement. She is a person who has lived a particular way. I could ask you, how can you buy into such a cliched lone of thinking of "I'm not complete until I meet another." It's rubbish. 

What I have learnt here, is that my wife needs help and I will approach her and support her.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

diwali123. Its not always new partners. She has many regulars, but she puts a lot of effort searching for new people. So yes and no . A lot of the places she goes to have a mixture of regulars and frequents.


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## Ignis (Feb 16, 2013)

marriage soon said:


> Ignis. I have never seen my wife as half a person. What a ridiculous statement. She is a person who has lived a particular way. I could ask you, how can you buy into such a cliched lone of thinking of "I'm not complete until I meet another." It's rubbish.
> 
> What I have learnt here, is that my wife needs help and I will approach her and support her.


Sorry pal, I didnt want to insult you. it was just my reaction on reading it.

Of course she needs help - I am sure you need it too! There is no such thing as "my partner needs help". We all need help in our relationships.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

marriage soon said:


> What I have learnt here, is that my wife needs help and I will approach her and support her.


Yes, she needs lots and lots of help with a really good expert in the field. _This has completely taken over her life_, and will continue to do so. This is a _serious _and dangerous addiction.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You haven't said how much time the two of you spend being a couple each day and each week.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Ignis. All good.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Shaggy, we spend a couple of hrs together a day. Sleeping not included. And that can be a host of things. Sex, eating, TV etc.

One reason we had Saturday's just for us.


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## BellaLuna (Mar 3, 2013)

It sounds like you are an amazingly supportive partner, marriage soon. Maybe m/c would help.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

marriage soon said:


> Shaggy, we spend a couple of hrs together a day. Sleeping not included. And that can be a host of things. Sex, eating, TV etc.
> 
> One reason we had Saturday's just for us.


I'm fascinated about your schedule. You work, so how does she fit it hours of hunting for men, plus showering, makeup, clothes, doing laundry, food , and having sex with a few guys and then being with you for a few hours?

I hope she cleans herself between partners.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

Shaggy, she's very clean. Always been very mindful of that. I work and support us, she spends her days looking for partners. We usually spend a few hrs at the end of the day together. She doesn't really need all that make up, so that is not a time factor. She helps around the house here and there. Doing dishes and a loads of laundry. I am fortunate that I work a job that isn't loooong hrs and pays well enough.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

If her new quota isn't working for you then tell her she needs to spend more time with you.How many times per week are you havihg after this new quota?If she doesn't change for you,then tell her its not going to work out and start planning a divorce.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Nah!


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You said your wife worked at a brothel. Why did she stop? You seem to be ok with her sleeping with many men, why not get paid to?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why don't you talk to her about how you feel. Suggest that you both not see anyone for a month. Work on your relationship maybe even MC. Then as a couple decied what is best for your marriage. Open marriage or not you still committed to love eachother for life and your marriage should be your priority.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I would be rather surprised if this story is real. However, if it is...

...then you must have zero self respect, pride or self worth. If there is anything real about this story, then you need to seek out professional help. You must REALLY hate yourself. Clearly you know - or have learned by now - that what you describe is NOT a marriage. If this is real, then divorce her and move on. Ever hear that song "one of these things is not like the other"? Well, guess which piece you are...


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Hummmmmm. I have read this story somewhere before. I think it is written by someone just trying to get folks riled up.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I wont even give this anymore thought....

30 a week? Wilt Chamberlain style? Whatever.


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## marriage soon (Feb 2, 2010)

It has been interesting reading the variety of responses. Some of the posts dismissing this as fiction, or here just to annoy others and those who assume I hate myself in some way are way off the mark.
Do people really think that someone who willingly participates in this set up for an extended amount of time doesn't put a huge amount of consideration into the lifestyle? 

It's true what butterscotch said, maybe I am on the wrong site. Traditional marriage is not anywhere near as universal as people think, nor is it what I have always been after. What a lot of people missed was this. I was very happy with this set up for 7 years, and would love for that set up to continue. There was a balance we both loved. But, something has changed with her, and quickly. and it threw me. Maybe it's an addiction, and that seems to me now what it is - and that deserves understanding and support. All those who are advocating divorce, I just feel sorry for whoever you are with. I hope they never stray from whatever walled off version you have of commitment, other wise they may be served papers. 

For those who gave constructive feedback, thank you. It has helped me see what is going on and the next step to take. Really great!! If we can get back to how we were, yes, even the garage and quotas (though a little more like the old numbers) then I will be happy. But, first step dialogue. As long as dialogue opens up and we can talk again then that is the first step.

A lot of the negative comments have made me realise a lot of what I love about my wife. So open. 

richie33: to answer your question. She worked in a brothel for a while, but got out because there were periods of time where the place had no customers and she felt she is wasting her time. She has done direct call escorting from time to time.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

marriage soon said:


> Hmmmm, some interesting comments. And some ones I wont give another seconds thought.
> I have definitely felt we are in an equal marriage. I have felt loved, and appreciated. And yes, whilst I may have been "enabling" my wife f******* men in the garage it worked for us.
> 
> *I am quite concerned that this may have become an addiction for her.* Her quota has gone from 15 to 30 a week and she is spending a lot more time out finding people. I am worried she is putting herself in stupid situations as well.


Her goal is to f^ck as many different men as possible. She has a quota per week she wishes to double and it is cutting into your time now. And she is the only one who has issues?

In all seriousness I am not sure which one is worse. 

But I suggest you read Married Men Sex Life to up your sex rank because she now finds any man in the world at all more exicting than you. Also Athol explains how ultimately women win this game you are playing. As they eventually are turned off by a man who puts up with this and finds other men she desires.

You should read His Needs Her Needs together and set some boundaries.

Do you really think f^cking 15 to 30 different guys a week is dangerous? Hopefully she is getting paid for this. Does she work or is she into f^cking guys all day and night? ( I think I read she does not work ). 

I am amazed she is not dead yet from either STDs or from one of her johns

Dear Penthouse just does not even cover this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Theseus said:


> You have to take some advice with a thick skin. In my short time here, I noticed that many of the people in TAM are strongly opposed to open relationships, and yours (assuming it's for real) is the most extreme case I've ever heard of.


Mostly people are opposed to the humiliation that some guys seek. This is a fetish. Often just posting about this fetish is their release. Sure some guys get off on the cuckold stuff but others like to post this stuff on the internet for its own sake.

But it is always interesting the guys who are into humliation acting like they have pride. That does not jive.

I love the comment that she had to stop working at the brothel because she could not keep the numbers up.

Anyway, years ago I had a shipmate / room maet who was the BF for a French hooker. She ended up coming to the US. He had sex with her around the clock but she still had to have more so he finally the novelty for him wore off and he dumped her. So these women do exist. She wanted to add me to her list but NFW. Yes I was single then.

I wonder what Dr. Phil would say?


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

It seems like she has dumped you, without saying those exact words.
You were Mr. Saturday, now she wants that day free to bang Mr. Next-in-Line? Mmm-hmm.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

marriage soon said:


> It has been interesting reading the variety of responses. Some of the posts dismissing this as fiction, or here just to annoy others and those who assume I hate myself in some way are way off the mark.
> Do people really think that someone who willingly participates in this set up for an extended amount of time doesn't put a huge amount of consideration into the lifestyle?
> 
> It's true what butterscotch said, maybe I am on the wrong site. Traditional marriage is not anywhere near as universal as people think, nor is it what I have always been after. What a lot of people missed was this. *I was very happy with this set up for 7 years, and would love for that set up to continue. There was a balance we both loved.* But, something has changed with her, and quickly. and it threw me. Maybe it's an addiction, and that seems to me now what it is - and that deserves understanding and support. All those who are advocating divorce, *I just feel sorry for whoever you are with. I hope they never stray from whatever walled off version you have of commitment, other wise they may be served papers.*


There was no balance. In your own words in the OP, you stated that your wife exercised her "freedoms" a lot more than you. So for all practical purposes, you lived in a one way open marriage. She does not work, she gets to screw as many guys as she wants, and you pick up the tab for it all. What are you possibly getting in return that makes this balance out? Companionship? Because that's basically all I see that you are getting. And now you won't even have that. 

Feel free extend your condolences to my wife. But yeah, if she ever strays from me and sleeps around with another person let alone multiple people and she WILL be served divorce papers. She is my wife and I am not sharing her with another man (or woman) in the bedroom. But what you fail to see is that I have my wife for 7 days a week to talk to, laugh with, cry with, share special moments with, raise a family with and to be with her. You get your wife basically 1 day a week - on Saturday. My wife and I have a healthy sex life. How much sex did you have with your wife in a week - once or twice and only on Saturday? And now your wife has completely embraced the freedom that you allowed her to have and wants to take even that special day away from you. 

Who should be feeling sorry for whom?


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## Jenny8 (Mar 3, 2013)

I'm not sure why someone would get married if they want an open marriage? Why not just stay single and date?


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

marriage soon said:


> I work and support us, she spends her days looking for partners.


:scratchhead:


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Jenny8 said:


> I'm not sure why someone would get married if they want an open marriage? Why not just stay single and date?


In the case of the couple I know of it was because the wife was quite a bit younger than the husband. He had had quite a bit of sexual experience beforehand; she had virtually none. He did not want to deprive her of experiences with other people if that was what she wanted. However since the couple were in love they wanted to marry and have a primary relationship and children together.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

MS,

Sounds to me that in the beginning of your relationship you agreed to an open marriage as a stipulation of being with your wife

It seems that you grew into this lifestyle and it worked for both of you for a while. Now it seems as if you feel shortchanged by the amount and frequency of the sex she's having and you're not as well as her having no time for you at all.

As others have said, she changed the rules midstream with an agreement from you. You also seem to want more of a monogomous relationship now as you've gotten a little older correct?

I also can't help but wonder why the two of you are even married? Does she work full time or is she just using you to provide shelter, clothing and food for her?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Wow. 

This is WAY too messed for me to even attempt to comment on. I am posting so marriage soon can have a look at the links in my signature about sex addicts. Although what his wife is is so severe even for a sex addict that I don't even know what to suggest. Somehow a 12 step group seems like trying to stick someone's head back on with a bandaid. Perhaps one of the groups for codependants can help you, marriage soon.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Have you considered making her get a job ? You are funding her ability to do this all hours of the day and night. If she had to work, she wouldn't have time to do this as much. Simply say to her that you don't have a problem with her lifestyle as long as she also works.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Find a kink aware therapist who will be able to help her understand the addiction but not condemn your lifestyle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

I dont see why shes not charging, dude could be a millionare.


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## Jonathan35 (Feb 28, 2013)

Operant conditioning. Stop supporting her. She changed her side of the deal. You change yours.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Her goal in life is to have as many sexual partners as possible


Forgive me but... :rofl:

Sorry mate, but you get what you paid for


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Random dude- really? That was uncalled for. Just because you have a thought in your head doesn't mean you have to type it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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