# argh i just want to be wanted



## April06 (Nov 3, 2012)

Hi all, I'm new to this site and really looking for a bit of advice.
I've been with my husband just over 2 years but married since July.
He is a great guy and in so many ways we have a great relationship but i can feel myself starting to resent him a little.
I'm sorry this may end up being a bit long...
We met on holiday and i guess when i first met him i was indifferent he seemed nice but then he was so sweet, he was kinda just quietly by my side and would always come to our room for a chat before a night out, we came back he called all the time, he came to visit really quick and i was so excited.
It was amazing! (as it always is in the beginning) I fell in love with him because he was romantic and attentive and he really desired me and made me feel so special and really loved like he was so lucky to have me, we could hardly go to sleep at night the sex was amazing and frequent and we talked so much.
I moved away from home about 3 hrs away to live with him... we have good periods and not so great but never bad as such ok so well i guess the point of this thread...
We dont have a lot of sex anymore maybe once every 2 weeks occasionally more sometimes less. 
I am/was a very sexual person, its something I always enjoyed and been good at, I'm really open minded and like to try stuff out nothing particularly kinky, I think its important to keep a bit of spice in the relationship however i have lost my mojo so to speak, i am totally in love with my husband, i mean i utterly adore him! and i just feel like its a one way thing well not the love, i know he loves me but he shows it very little especially very little desire towards me, he doesn't lust after me. I think maybe i built a rod for my own back maybe i put him off. I am a really affectionate person, I give him lots of hugs and kisses and make a fuss of him, tell him how handsome he is, how sexy I think he is i'm very complimentary. If i ask him for hugs and kisses he gives them but kinda laughs and rolls his eyes, calls me a soppy cow and i know he's messing about and that i know he loves that i'm affectionate but i feel like, the way he is with me makes me feel like he only does it for my benefit, i really feel like he's not bothered either way. 
He told me when we first got together that he's pretty much vanilla but he like nice undies, i used to dress up and send him pictures and he loved it, i felt sexy. Now i feel like i have no idea how to turn him on other than sucking him off, he often asks for blow jobs but hardly ever wants sex, I've tried dressing up and he's rejected me when i've been in front of in sexy lingerie. I'v tried waiting for him to come to me, i've done the intiating. I've completely lost my sexual confidence, I'm a really honest person and i like to think i'm pretty tactful too and we've talked about it soooo many times, he just doesnt think sex is that important, he doesnt have a high sex drive, he gets tired etc he thinks i'm sex mad, i've tried explaining it's not the sex its the intimacy, i want to feel wanted by him and i dont. 
He's crazy about me i know that deep down but i feel like i'm just a really good friend who feeds him and keeps a home for him and there to request blow jobs! He hates that it upsets me and it just adds to the pressure. I have really tried to just let it go but I find it so hard. Yesterday he got out the shower and sent me a naked picture telling me to go upstairs and i though jeez this is a turn up for the books, he asked me to give him head first (as he always does now, he never used to) then he just went hard a blew!?!? Thats not like him. It was like i couldve been anyone, he just wanted to come, he's never been like that before, but now i know we probably wont have sex again now for ages. 
I just find myself wanting to have sex with him less and less not because i have lost the desire but i feel pathetic and undesirable. if he does want it, i'm constantly questioning it in my head if he actually wants to or is he doing it for me or if he's enjoying it, I used to feel super confident and super sexy now i feel the opposite.
I dont know what to do, i have tried in the sexy undies, romatic meals, being suggestive, compliments, intiating, not intiating, talking completely honestly to him about how i feel but i am really loosing the will to anymore but it is important!! please help i'm at a complete loss, what scare me in not just the now but we're so early in our marriage whats it going to be like in 10, 20 years?? I dont want to feel so broken over it that i just dont care anymore and i stop desiring him because i'm rejected. Please help!!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Stop giving him blow jobs.

You're stuck in a dynamic where he gets to be lazy and you allow it to happen.

Stop it.


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## April06 (Nov 3, 2012)

He doesn't get as many blow jobs as he did or as many as he'd like, it something i'm getting a lot firmer about. 
I've said before he'll be on a ban until we start having more intimacy, i find it really hard cause i think i dont wana just stop and be like a moody sour grump wife but i know it not a good habit to get into when that actual sex part is suffering well in my opinion.

BrookeT - I have told him, over & over, he says he's sorry he doesnt know what else to do, i get him saying he doesnt want to do it when he doesnt really want to because i'll know he's not into it and that'll upset me more which is probs true but then least i'd know he was making the effort i guess. catch22. 
He's sweet about it but nothing changes, he doesnt see the problem other that the fact i'm making it one.
It not deliberate on his part he just doesnt get it!


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## Spiderman (Oct 29, 2012)

Oh, I know exactly how you feel when saying you've become not confident in bedroom and feel undesirable. Honey, tell you what, run! Run as fast as you can and give yourself an opportunity to find someone who deserves you just the way you are. Don't through away your years like I'm doing here because we have kids, you'll never be able to turn back time and I don't think he really cares, so sorry to tell you. If he would, he'd be on counselling with you already after hearing how unhappy you are. I have played that "game" for 5 yrs now but I don't remember really giving him B job unless he takes care of me too, he can do it himself if he should think to be that selfish.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Stop giving him blow jobs.
> 
> You're stuck in a dynamic where he gets to be lazy and you allow it to happen.
> 
> Stop it.


:iagree:








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