# should i go back to her ?



## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

hi

am new to this but hoped it might be a good way to get some advice from people who have either been there or are in a similar position and mindset.

I have been separated from my wife for 18 months now after i found out she was having an affair with a guy at work. She had also had affair with the same guy 6 years previously maybe it had been carrying on all that time ? she also has a drink problem which she doesnt admit to ? Anyway we separated and shortly after this i met someone who i have enjoyed being with. However i do miss my wife we were childhood sweethearts and soulmates, my wife hasnt been with anyone since we split and i dont believe she is still seeing the guy she had the affair with as he wouldnt leave his wife and kids. She now is desparate for me back, in fact she has been all the time we have been apart. she gave me a kind of ultimatum at new year either to try again or let her know i dont want her and let her try and move on. I really cannot sort my head out as i am enjoying my new relationship and feeling wanted and know it would break new girls heart but i do still love and care for my wife and would never want to hurt her. Any thoughts would be appreciated.


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## Badsmit (Dec 29, 2011)

Why are you going back? Does she love you or is she jealous of your new girl? When things return to normal will she cheat with him again? Did he (OM) break it off with her? Are you the fall back guy?......:scratchhead: 

You gave her a second chance and look how it ended! SHE IS GIVING YOU ULTIMATUMS WOW! :rofl::rofl:


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

It seems like she needs help to get herself back to normal and make a real effort to show you that she still truly loves you before you can believe her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

She cheated twice with a break of 6 years in between cheating. How do you know she's not taking another break? 

I cant see how you can ever fully trust her again?

If no kids, move on.

If kids are older, move on.

You have been separated 18 months, so the moving on should be easier.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

aug said:


> She cheated twice with a break of 6 years in between cheating. How do you know she's not taking another break?
> .


And with the same guy also.


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

thanks for the thoughts

yes same guy, no kids we couldnt which i believe started the downfall of our marriage, maybe she is jealous of new girl


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

Cogo123 said:


> It seems like she needs help to get herself back to normal and make a real effort to show you that she still truly loves you before you can believe her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



thats another view of it. i have agreed to meet up with her at end of month and would like to be clear in my head by then. just find it hard to move forward with new girl as unfinished business and unanswered questions with wife


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## Badsmit (Dec 29, 2011)

Does your new girl know about this meeting and if the EX turns out to FU over agian are you going to be upset that you let the new girl go... (Do you love the new girl and do you care if you loose her?)


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

Badsmit said:


> Does your new girl know about this meeting and if the EX turns out to FU over agian are you going to be upset that you let the new girl go... (Do you love the new girl and do you care if you loose her?)



no new girl doesnt know about meeting though she does keep mentioning when am getting divorced. i always said when sold house which i now have. yes i would be devastated if i let her go and things didnt work out with missus. i do love new girl but also love wife. life was so simple when we were young eh ?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Don't lie to the new girl, let her know you're meeting the wife to talk at the end of the month. once you start lying, you'll keep on lying over and over to cover the 1st lie, then you have to lie to cover the 2nd lie to cover for the 1st one, and on and on and on.


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

cheatinghubby said:


> Don't lie to the new girl, let her know you're meeting the wife to talk at the end of the month. once you start lying, you'll keep on lying over and over to cover the 1st lie, then you have to lie to cover the 2nd lie to cover for the 1st one, and on and on and on.


thanks for that advice bud you're right


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

She's cheated twice already. That should be reason enough to start a new page with your girlfriend. How many chances are you going to give her? She's evidently wanting you back because the other man dumped her.

Don't be a doormat


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## oldmittens (Dec 2, 2011)

You need to let her go she cheated on you six years ago probably never ended it and even if she did started it back up again and her only excuse was that you didn't have kids with her. She's a bad person and you need to move on with your life. Your new girlfriend sounds much better. It sounds like you have a great new life with her Don't backpedal now your instincts were right when you left the first time.


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

well that settles it am not going to break with new girl going to meet wife at end of month say i was a little confused but i do need to move on with my life and to start divorce. best of luck to all of you and thanks for taking the time to offer your advice.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

and your stbxw has the OM to keep her company. No need to worry about her.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

keep us updated


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

I have been separated from my wife for 18 months now after i found out she was having an affair with a guy at work. She had also had affair with the same guy 6 years previously maybe it had been carrying on all that time ? 

*It would appear that she has been going behind your back for some time now.*

she also has a drink problem which she doesnt admit to ? 

*Sounds like she's an alcoholic to boot*

Anyway we separated and shortly after this i met someone who i have enjoyed being with. However i do miss my wife we were childhood sweethearts and soulmates, my wife hasnt been with anyone since we split and i dont believe she is still seeing the guy she had the affair with as he wouldnt leave his wife and kids. 

*and her secret lover is married as well and won't leave his wife and family....... oops!! Better WW should go back to ole reliable*

She now is desparate for me back, in fact she has been all the time we have been apart. she gave me a kind of ultimatum at new year either to try again or let her know i dont want her and let her try and move on.

*That's rich, she's giving "you" an ultimatum. Wish I could get away with ballz like that!!

* I really cannot sort my head out as i am enjoying my new relationship and feeling wanted and know it would break new girls heart but i do still love and care for my wife and would never want to hurt her. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

*yep, get out of Dodge, pronto.*


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

kenmoore14217 said:


> *yep, get out of Dodge, pronto.*


:iagree: You've been gone for 18 months and basically you have moved on. Why step backwards into a pile of sh!t now?


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

echoman said:


> yes i would be devastated if i let her go and things didnt work out with missus.


Grow up for Christ's sake. Sounds like you're not really ready for either of them.


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

please do excuse my ignorance as i said am new to this. what is stbxw ????


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

echoman said:


> please do excuse my ignorance as i said am new to this. what is stbxw ????


soon to be ex-wife


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

mrs t and kenmore thanks for the shake up guess i should get real i'm on it !!!!


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

lascarx said:


> Grow up for Christ's sake. Sounds like you're not really ready for either of them.



thanks lascarx am now on it like a car bonnet !!!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

England?


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Echoman and the Bunnies?


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## allisterfiend (Sep 29, 2011)

weather changes...Dingos dont.

If you take her back, be prepared for her to cheat again and again and again....


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You are not responsible to your wife, for anything, including her ultimatim about decision making

This is your game, by your rules---If she doesn't like what/when you are doing things---tuff sh*t for her---she is entitled to nothing---BUT FOR what SHE did, you wouldn't even be here talking to us.

What you have to decide is-----Whether the rest of your one trip thru life on this planet---should be with your cheating wife---in which you will go thru years/possibly forever, of no trust, looking over your shoulder, and probably many times, in which you both walk on egg shells

Or with, possibly, this new lady---where right now, you have peace of mind, and hopefully you are carefree when with her, (your present wife may have screwed up that for you, by what she did)---and just maybe you can have a nice future with her----------or-------

Maybe you need to go on your own for a while w/out a serious relationship, and just enjoy dating, and be free and easy about life---------It's all your choice, about how you wanna spend the rest of your life----happy---or probably semi-miserable.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

echoman said:


> mrs t and kenmore thanks for the shake up guess i should get real i'm on it !!!!


echoman, it's what we call tough love. Certain situations need a little brutal honesty. Seriously, make a move towards happiness and don't look back.


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## echoman (Jan 14, 2012)

Thank you again to all for your comments and adviced. Am so pleased to have given this a try. Speaking to friends, relatives etc just messes with your mind. I knew that it had to me 'about me' but still wanted some clarity so thanks for providing this. Grazi


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