# End of my patience



## Murron (Jun 23, 2016)

Sorry but I need some advice on how to handle this, my husband works with this lady who totaled her car, he has been running her to work and school every day, now she is asking him to take her to the hairdresser, shopping, visit friends and now I get a text that she has asked him to move some of her friends, I am sick of this, he works nights and is getting no sleep and that worries me, I think she is taking advantage, I am honestly not upset that she is a woman, but I thinkj she has crossed the line of friendship, I tried to talk to him about this but he said that as he does not have many friends he want to help her, I have no problems with him helping anyone, it's part of his nature to do so and also a part of him I love, but really this is too much, right now she is seeing more of him than I do, I am at the end of my rope and getting very angry, I dont want to blow up but I'm getting close, help please


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

IMO A married guy is more likely to do this if he is attracted to the woman.

She is single, right? Younger than him, right? Attractive, right?

The problem is HIM, not her. She might be taking advantage, but he certainly is enjoying the attention.

Taking her to see her friends? no No NO.

He wants friends? He can find a guy friend. 

I too did the "don't have too many friends" thing to justify my hanging out with single coworker. 

In summary, HE has crossed the marital boundaries. HE has crossed the line. 

It is probably immaterial, but how long have you been married? 15-25 years? Sex life is infrequent? Just guessing.


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## Murron (Jun 23, 2016)

If I'm honest, I was thining the same as you, we have been married 8 years, sex is not great, she is single, and 5yrs youger than him, still not sure how to handle this, he has an old truck he is repairing to loan to her as she cant seem to get a car, we will see how this pans out I suppose once she can drive herself about, I have cancer, so sex is not happening very much, it's what to do now?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I missed that part that he will help her friends move. Jeez. What is his approximate age? I am guessing 40-50 range? 

Others will come to help you. Some will say kick him out or file for divorce, to shake him out of this fog. I do not think that is a viable option for you right now due to your health.


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## Murron (Jun 23, 2016)

He is 39 in December, thank you so much for talking to me I dont really have anyone I can talk to about this and need people to bounce this off to get some perspective, or am I being unreasonable, thanks again.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> The problem is HIM, not her. She might be taking advantage,* but he certainly is enjoying the attention.*


Her too!

I once fed a coworker's cat while she (single) was on vacation. At the time I did not think anything of it, until I realized her instructions included retrieving the cat food from her nightstand next to her bed. 

Perhaps it was innocent, but to give instructions to a coworker to go into your bedroom and look through the nightstand seemed purposely voyeuristic to me. 

Badsanta


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If he wants a female friend, all he has to do is treat you right. He has no business being friends with single women. I'd call her and tell her that you have cancer (a little guilt trip) and you need your husband to do things for you and not for her and her friends. What a user!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Murron said:


> He is 39 in December, thank you so much for talking to me I dont really have anyone I can talk to about this and need people to bounce this off to get some perspective, or am I being unreasonable, thanks again.


Missed his age by a year. No you are not being unreasonable. 

It make take a day or two to get enough good advice to act. It is getting late and some posters have stopped for the evening. Do not give up coming here.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Here is some advice @Murron

If your husband has no male friends, this is a red flag that he needs to step back and look at his personality. Encourage him to have friends as long as it is a "group" of friends that includes both men and women. 

If you want to sabotage this relationship, be ultra friendly, and play matchmaker to set her up on a date with someone you know! 

Preferably some guy that even you think is hot and will perhaps make your husband feel a little inferior! Like this guy:











Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> If he wants a female friend, all he has to do is treat you right. He has no business being friends with single women. I'd call her and tell her that you have cancer (a little guilt trip) and you need your husband to do things for you and not for her and her friends. What a user!


So far I like this approach. Let's see if someone has a better idea. 

@Bibi1031 we can use your input here.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Another idea..... tell H that you are concerned about his lack of sleep/relaxation so YOU will give her a ride today. 

Make yourself a pest to HER.... it's one thing to take advantage of a nice, married guy. It's another thing to deal with his pesky wife.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You have cancer, and he's out more with a coworker, being her personal taxi cab.  I'm sorry you're going through this. Becoming a nun looks more and more appealing when I read about the jerks some of you are married to. For real. 

Yes, he's a jerk.

Praying you find the strength to stand up for yourself. ((hug))


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

badsanta said:


> Here is some advice @Murron
> 
> If your husband has no male friends, this is a red flag that he needs to step back and look at his personality. Encourage him to have friends as long as it is a "group" of friends that includes both men and women.
> 
> ...


Or leave your husband, and YOU date him. lol Just kidding! :grin2:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> If he wants a female friend, all he has to do is treat you right. He has no business being friends with single women. I'd call her and *tell her that you have cancer* (a little guilt trip)* and you need your husband to do things for you and not for her and her friends.* What a user!


I think that's what she should be telling her _husband_.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Hun, I'm so sorry about your cancer. Godpseed...

You have issues with your H, one of which is this other person. I think you might want to use it as an opportunity to address the other ones as well, including the cancer. Regardless of what type or how it is responding to treatment, "Cancer" is terrifying, not only to the patient, but to their loved ones. The fear of loss and utter helplessness is often overwhelming and interferes with just so much of everything. 

Perhaps as someone who likes to care for someone or do things for others, he's dealing with his sense of helplessness by being overly available to this person? 

I'd start by talking with him not so much about her or that situation, but rather your relationship (including the cancer) and both of your feelings about it and see where it goes from there.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Murron said:


> If I'm honest, I was thining the same as you, we have been married 8 years, sex is not great, she is single, and 5yrs youger than him, still not sure how to handle this, he has an old truck he is repairing to loan to her as she cant seem to get a car, we will see how this pans out I suppose once she can drive herself about, I have cancer, so sex is not happening very much, it's what to do now?


You have been given some great advice. Thank you Blue for letting me know about this post as I normally don't visit this part of TAM.

Your thinking is not wrong and your gut is screaming that something is very wrong with the situation between your husband and his female coworker. Listen to your instincts...they will not fail you!


Please buy or get your hands on "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass, and Boundaries in Marriage is another excellent source that will help you talk to your spouse about why this "friendship" with his coworker is so disturbing.


You need to let him know under no uncertain terms that his over attention and being his co-worker's chauffeur is causing you tremendous distress and anger. It has gotten out of hand and she is taking advantage of him. If he doesn't see this as wrong, be prepared to wake him up with knowledge. He may not be aware that he is pushing boundaries and playing with fire with his need to be friends with this woman. If he fights you after letting him know your concerns, he may be emotionally invested in this so called friendship and it is no friendship at all. It is full blown Emotional Affair!

A huge red flag is that he is bending over backwards to help a coworker! Another red flag is that he spends more time with her than with you. She is robbing you of his time and attention plain and simple. Another one is that he wants to lend her his truck...:wtf:. He is not public assistance or welfare! 

How long has he been doing this for this woman? How do they contact one another? Does she call him and he her? At what times are their communications going on? Do you have access to his phone and are able to see the calls he makes and the calls he receives from this woman? Is she texting him? You need access to all of this information. I suspect that they are communicating with one another way too much. He probably communicates with her via phone or email a lot more than with you. 

But first things first...hopefully just letting him know your discomfort will take care of his pesky friend.:smile2:


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I would nip this on the bud, right now. Talk to your husband about what you told us here. Tell everyone in your family. Tell her co-workers. Tell his boss about your health and what is going on with these co-workers. Confront this woman. Call her in the phone and tell her to stay the hell away from your husband. You are in need of your husband as you have cancer.

He is fixing a truck for her to use? Really, this is how you provide for another woman. Who pays for the repairs of the truck, materials, and insurance. She can get a cheap vehicle, but she is angling for your husband. Your husband is really stupid. This is where affairs begin.
Act now, or you will be really sorry that you have sat on the fence.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Sounds like she's looking for a sugar daddy, and she's found one in your hubby. Have you done any investigating to make sure it's just her taking advantage and not already more than that. Check your phone bill , his email & social media sites (if you can) to see if you can see what their communications are like. As said above ,you need to nip this in the bud pronto. nothing good can come of this.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"retrieving the cat food from her nightstand next to her bed."

What? Because it is just so convenient to keep the cat food in your night stand. Who does this?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Murron said:


> Sorry but I need some advice on how to handle this, my husband works with this lady who totaled her car, *he has been running her to work and school every day, now she is asking him to take her to the hairdresser, shopping, visit friends* and now I get a text that *she has asked him to move some of her friends*, I am sick of this, he works nights and is getting no sleep and that worries me, I think she is taking advantage, I am honestly not upset that she is a woman, but I thinkj she has crossed the line of friendship, I tried to talk to him about this but he said that as he does not have many friends he want to help her, I have no problems with him helping anyone, it's part of his nature to do so and also a part of him I love, but really this is too much, right now she is seeing more of him than I do, I am at the end of my rope and getting very angry, I dont want to blow up but I'm getting close, help please





Murron said:


> If I'm honest, I was thining the same as you, we have been married 8 years, sex is not great, *she is single, and 5yrs youger than him*, still not sure how to handle this, *he has an old truck he is repairing to loan to her as she cant seem to get a car*, we will see how this pans out I suppose once she can drive herself about, I have cancer, so sex is not happening very much, it's what to do now?



Sit Sir Save-a-Ho down and tell him that it's grossly inappropriate for a married man to be playing Knight in Shining Armor to his young, pretty, single Damsel in Distress co-worker. Particularly when he's got a wife who is dealing with cancer while her husband ignores her in favor of playing errand boy for another woman. If he wants to be someone's friend and someone's white knight, he has a wife at home who desperately wants and needs that from him right now.

Oh, and quietly start investigating. If this isn't a full-blown affair, it certainly seems to be headed in that direction.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> "retrieving the cat food from her nightstand next to her bed."
> 
> What? Because it is just so convenient to keep the cat food in your night stand. Who does this?


BadSanta has a good sense of humor! LOL:laugh:


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Nip this in the bud! Sit your husband down and tell him how this is bothering you and it's not healthy for the marriage. Tell him that you want this to stop! No more favors. He's not to interact with her outside of work in any way, shape, or form! Put your foot down.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> BadSanta has a good sense of humor! LOL:laugh:


Are you saying that I've been had by a badsanta?

If so, I have a recipe for a mean bunch of cookies.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> BadSanta has a good sense of humor! LOL:laugh:


He's soooooo good at being bad!:grin2:


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## Murron (Jun 23, 2016)

I dont know how to thank you all for your time, advice and concern, I am sitting my husband down tomorrow to tell him how I feel, it's time I did it, overdue in fact, enough is enough, wonder how he would react if I did the same thing, anyway, time for a showdown. He is off tomorrow so we have time to get this sorted out. I dont know what I would have done without you all, thank you so very, very much. I will let you know how it go's. you are wonderful.


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

Murron said:


> Sorry but I need some advice on how to handle this, my husband works with this lady who totaled her car, he has been running her to work and school every day, now she is asking him to take her to the hairdresser, shopping, visit friends and now I get a text that she has asked him to move some of her friends, I am sick of this, he works nights and is getting no sleep and that worries me, I think she is taking advantage, I am honestly not upset that she is a woman, but I thinkj she has crossed the line of friendship, I tried to talk to him about this but he said that as he does not have many friends he want to help her, I have no problems with him helping anyone, it's part of his nature to do so and also a part of him I love, but really this is too much, right now she is seeing more of him than I do, I am at the end of my rope and getting very angry, I dont want to blow up but I'm getting close, help please


I am amazed at how some people (men and woman) can take advantage of another person's generosity and time as a means of USING THEM!!! I have known people like this. In addition, doesn't this woman know you're husband is MARRIED? You have every right to be angry. Put an end to it NOW!!


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Hope that your talk with him all goes well for you Murron, we look forward to your update


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

kindMe77 said:


> Put an end to it NOW!!


Great Advice, KM. Great advice to follow. :|


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Crossing all my crossables so that the conversation goes smoothly and he realizes he has been taken advantage of.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Bibi1031 said:


> Crossing all my crossables so that the conversation goes smoothly and he realizes he has been taken advantage of.


I am not optimistic that a single conversation with settle this matter. But I hope I am very wrong.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Nip this in the bud! Sit your husband down and tell him how this is bothering you and it's not healthy for the marriage. Tell him that you want this to stop! No more favors. He's not to interact with her outside of work in any way, shape, or form! Put your foot down.


^^This. I'd even go one further than telling him you simply want it to stop. I'd be telling him that it WILL STOP and it will stop right now. 

If I were in your shoes OP, I can tell you right now that my husband would only help her ONCE. I can see how it could happen - they're both in the carpark, it's getting late, her car won't start and she has to get her child from daycare, so my hubby takes her to collect the child and drops them home. That's fine. I have no problem with that. But that's where it ends - how she gets to and from work/Childcare/shopping/friends after that is her problem. 

Did your husband ask you before he agreed to lend "his" truck to her?? Wtf???



Murron said:


> I dont know how to thank you all for your time, advice and concern, I am sitting my husband down tomorrow to tell him how I feel, it's time I did it, overdue in fact, enough is enough, wonder how he would react if I did the same thing, anyway, time for a showdown. He is off tomorrow so we have time to get this sorted out. I dont know what I would have done without you all, thank you so very, very much. I will let you know how it go's. you are wonderful.


Good luck with your husband. I really hope it goes well and I look forward to hearing your update xx


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## Piper502 (Jun 2, 2016)

Wishing you the best of luck. Stay strong!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Murron,

Real quick observation, DO NOT LEND this woman a truck in your name or your husbands name, if this woman crashes it you may be liable. There is also a reasonable chance this woman is not a responsible person and is much more likely to do that sort of thing. She is turning your H into her H!

Tamat


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Murron said:


> I dont know how to thank you all for your time, advice and concern, I am sitting my husband down tomorrow to tell him how I feel, it's time I did it, overdue in fact, enough is enough, wonder how he would react if I did the same thing, anyway, time for a showdown. He is off tomorrow so we have time to get this sorted out. I dont know what I would have done without you all, thank you so very, very much. I will let you know how it go's. you are wonderful.


1st I prey that God gives you strength to fight the cancer. This is the last thing you need. If the sex has dried up because you're not physically able to, you can find other ways to show your love but to be honest, this is a time that he needs to be there lifting you up. 

If he's running around doing all this for this other woman, what's left in his energy / time tank for you? I'm guessing he is working overtime to get in her pants, if he's not already hitting it. As for what he would think/do if it were you wanting to run around for some dude? He'd rightfully blow his fvcking top and nip that $hit after the 1st ride. 

There is more here than him just doing her favors. This is most likely a sexual PA. Which is so fvcked up. He knows what you're fighting and that you don't need this stress. He's like those husband's having an affair while their wife is carrying his child. I've recently read a thread on LS from WW who's divorcing her husband for a MM that was texting her while his wife was in delivery. That's how slimy your husband and this woman probably are.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Murron said:


> I dont know how to thank you all for your time, advice and concern, I am sitting my husband down tomorrow to tell him how I feel, it's time I did it, overdue in fact, enough is enough, wonder how he would react if I did the same thing, anyway, time for a showdown. He is off tomorrow so we have time to get this sorted out. I dont know what I would have done without you all, thank you so very, very much. I will let you know how it go's. you are wonderful.


I read a book a few years ago that helped me in dealing with difficult situations. A lot of what we worry about is all the 'what ifs' so we do nothing. In your case, perhaps you are worried your husband will refuse to stop helping this woman out...and to that, then you have a choice to leave or stay. But, the worst case scenario is he tells you to go eff yourself, and he continues to help the woman. And to that, I say...why would you want to stay with him, anyway?

I realize you have cancer, but don't stay in a bad situation just because of that, or because you don't want to deal with a problem marriage. Your husband is way out of control with this woman, and regardless of his reasons, it's hurting you. He should care about you over this chick, sorry. And if he does not, then you have a decision to make. But, I wouldn't make demands, or ultimatums...just tell him how it makes you feel, and if he says...too bad, I'm gonna keep helping her out...then, again, you have a different decision to make.

Don't let fear of the unknown keep you in a bad situation with someone who doesn't care about you. You have cancer, and he should put you first. Seeing that he isn't, speaks volumes, IMO.

Praying for you. <3


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

*Deidre* said:


> I read a book a few years ago that helped me in dealing with difficult situations. A lot of what we worry about is all the 'what ifs' so we do nothing.


Do you remember the name of the book?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

@Murron
So how did the convo with hubby go?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Murron said:


> If I'm honest, I was thining the same as you, we have been married 8 years, sex is not great, she is single, and 5yrs youger than him, still not sure how to handle this, he has an old truck he is repairing to loan to her as she cant seem to get a car, we will see how this pans out I suppose once she can drive herself about, I have cancer, so sex is not happening very much, it's what to do now?


I would point out to him that she is getting more of his free time and attention than you re and that is not okay with you. 

I do think it is suspicious. He is attracted to her at the very least. Trying to impress her. Married men should not pursue "friendships" with women.

He needs to put the brakes on this, but if he won't, I think you should call her directly and explain to her that she is taking too much of your husband's time and she needs to find someone else to help her out all the time. "I don't share my husband with other women." is probably enough of a reason, but you can always explain that he's not getting enough sleep and you have cancer and need his help, if you want to give her reasons.

And anything you can do to perk up your sex life for your husband would probably be good.


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## TRUTHSEEKER60 (Jun 23, 2016)

You expressed your concerns and he does not appear to be willing to at least compromise. Maybe limiting the amount of help to this person to just basic errands. I think that is the bigger issue here. I would suggest finding a trusted family member or friend to discuss this with who knows your husband well. Sometimes the perspective of a third party can really help (especially one who is familiar with him).


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

TRUTHSEEKER60 said:


> Sometimes the perspective of a third party can really help


A divorce lawyer makes a good third party.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Subbing so I can see if she updates....


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## Murron (Jun 23, 2016)

Well I sat him down, told him how I felt, don’t think it got me too far, he seemed upset that I was upset but has not stopped, so now I’m mad, real mad, to explain, the truck he is lending her (a very old truck) is his, but the truck he is using is mine, I cant drive right now because I have double vision and cant see well enough to. So I pulled the plug on MY truck, both of them have to find alternative means to get to work etc. this does not make me feel good, but as I see it he gave me no choice, I hate this, things are now strained between us because of all of this, this is not who I am, I have a lot of thinking to do as what to do next, he has always been helpful to others it’s part of what I love about him but for all that is holy this is too much, I think my next move will be to talk to her and this time she wont like it, she needs to get her own crap together, I’ve always known hubby is a people pleaser but hell, this? I will keep all you wonderful people updated on what is going on, rest assured I’m not done yet, love you all.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Put your foot down. Tell him that it's wrong for him to prefer her over you. You feel like he wants her and not you, why is he doing this? 

Make him understand that you are jealous and that this woman is threatening your marriage because she is robbing you of his time and attention. 

I guess you are going to have to throw an ultimatum here; her or you, but he can't have both. If he doesn't react in your favor, you will have to expose to friends and family that he chose a coworker over keeping the peace with you. Something is very wrong if he can't let go of a woman that is nothing to him. A married man CAN NOT have female friends. This may not have been a boundary in the past because he never showed that much interest in another woman, but with her things have taken a bad turn. You or someone he trusts, needs to let him know how wrong this friendship is and how detrimental it is to your marriage. 

You don't need this at this time. He needs to be by his ill wife's side and not being errand boy to this baracuda!


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Your husband is upset that you won't let him have this woman. You've prohibited him from pursuing her. Stand your ground. Start talking to family members and begin exposure. This is the only way that this will stop. Speak to the manager of the facility where they work. Exposure is essential to stop this affair. This liason has gone too far and for too long.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Good going on the truck! You might want to have it steam cleaned and detailed to get her cooties off. Let's see if she is still enamored of a knight in shining armor who lost his horse.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Good going on the truck! You might want to have it steam cleaned and detailed to get her cooties off. Let's see if she is still enamored of a knight in shining armor who lost his horse.


I don't know, maybe this is the opportunity the OW needed to drill her intent in. She may get her wish. Exposure is a must at this point! Sadly, @Murron will have to fight back fire with fire. Communication did not work in her favor. The pull of "the friend" is too strong.
@turnera2, you are very wise in these type of issues. Is there something that can make this man let go of the baracuda without making Murron look like the bad guy in her husband's eyes?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Jeez, what is it lately on TAM with married guys chasing after coworkers while their wives are at home sick. They are a$$es. 

Why does it matter if Murron looks like the bad guy in her husband's eyes? HE already looks bad in HER eyes, and our eyes. 

My deadbeat estranged SIL is a user. She would always talk about her new friend (either male or female) about how great they are, how good friends they are etc. Then 6 months later she would never talk about them anymore but now talk about a new person. Well, her pattern was to find some sucker, play the victim about her "hard" life, use them, take take take and when that person eventually got sick of it and defriended my SIL, she would move on to next sucker. Yes, she found people to "loan" her cars, give her free places to live, etc. Did she ever pay them back? No. Not ever. When she got money she would get her nails done or get tattoos and post about it on FB. One time she had a great car her new friends PARENT'S lent her. She suckered the girl AND her parents. They eventually got wise. They all always did, after months of being chumped out and fleeced out of lots of money. 

This woman sounds the same way. H is a chump and eventually he will see that. But until then he will fight back to keep this friend. 

What is harder to determine is this --> Is he just a natural sucker or does he have an emotional addiction to this woman? Maybe both but each will have a different approach.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> *Why does it matter if Murron looks like the bad guy in her husband's eyes?* HE already looks bad in HER eyes, and our eyes.


This will feed his desire to leave her because the OW has too much pull, and in his eyes the OW is in desperate need of his help . His wife is being inconsiderate, or whatever word you want to insert here, of this poor woman in desperate need of him! (gag me!) 

Now, we have no doubt that this OW is a user, and will take him for all he has; including his marriage. She will feed into his ear what a witch of a wife he has. He will get hooked, line and sinker with that. They will gang up on Murron because they are not the bad guys, Murron is! And in their eyes, she deserves what is coming to her.

Remeber the affair high creates a very very thick fog, and Murron's husband is clueless as to just how deep he is in this $hit.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Bibi1031 said:


> This will feed his desire to leave her because the OW has too much pull, and in his eyes the OW is in desperate need of his help . His wife is being inconsiderate, or whatever word you want to insert here, of this poor woman in desperate need of him! (gag me!)
> 
> Now, we have no doubt that this OW is a user, and will take him for all he has; including his marriage. She will feed into his ear what a witch of a wife he has. He will get hooked, line and sinker with that. They will gang up on Murron because they are not the bad guys, Murron is! And in their eyes, she deserves what is coming to her.
> 
> Remeber the affair high creates a very very thick fog, and Murron's husband is clueless as to just how deep he is in this $hit.


Ok. I am out of my league here. Normally we tell the betrayed spouse to expose and/or kick the wayward out. In this situation, due to her illness, it may require a different approach.

It sucks that she has to tip-toe around him so as to keep him. 

Should we get this thread moved into Coping with Infidelity? This is no longer a general discussion topic.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Ok. I am out of my league here. Normally we tell the betrayed spouse to expose and/or kick the wayward out. In this situation, due to her illness, it may require a different approach.
> 
> It sucks that she has to tip-toe around him so as to keep him.
> 
> Should we get this thread moved into Coping with Infidelity? This is no longer a general discussion topic.


Maybe I'm wrong, but her husband is very vulnerable to this OW. Also, it must be very hard knowing that your wife has cancer and all that that entails. The fact that he refuses to let co worker go is very telling in regards to his mental and emotional state at this point in time. A baracuda like this OW can make mush out of this guy and his marriage. It's a scary place to be for @Murron. 

Thread with caution Murron. If you love this man and think he is being taken advantage of, and you want to save your marriage, you need to be smarter than the co worker. He is going to have a very difficult time letting her go. He is going to be a royal mess for some time. He has developed feelings for this woman. You will have to see and let it go. Eventually, he will be himself again. He has to mourn that loss (it sucks, but it happens).


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Roselyn said:


> Your husband is upset that you won't let him have this woman. You've prohibited him from pursuing her. *Stand your ground. Start talking to family members and begin exposure. * This is the only way that this will stop. Speak to the manager of the facility where they work. *Exposure is essential to stop this affair.* This liason has gone too far and for too long.


He's upset at you. That's OUTRAGEOUS. So he's putting this woman's needs before yours? He is either already hitting that or she's cleverly dangling that possibility which has him focused like a laser on meeting her needs.

I agree with @Roselyn . You must expose him. Tell his family & friends that can influence him. Not in a spiteful way but in a help me fight for my marriage way. I doubt confronting the OW will do much. She's in steal a man mode.

I know you mention that sex is difficult due to the cancer but you have to find a way for you to have some type intimacy with your hubby. All couples need something loving to bond them together.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

@Murron

If you want, we can ask a moderator to move this thread to a different part of TAM, the Coping with Infidelity forum. This may get you more and different/better advice as different posters hang out in that area. Those posters have experience with these types of situations. If you are ok with that, let us know and I will help arrange that for you.


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