# My husband watches hentai and ignores me



## Kraken771

I've been married for 7 years and my husband and I had always had problems in the bedroom. His sex drive is the lowest I've ever seen in a man. I came to the conclusion that he was asexual because he doesn't ever seem to be aroused by anything I tried, he doesn't like to talk about sex, I asked him about fantasies so that I could be part of it but he says he doesn't have any. I've had a real hard time trying to understand why or what he is in to. I'm very open to try new things with him, I keep myself in good shape but he doesn't notice me as a sexual being. It feels like a friendship more than a relationship. So I tried to understand his rhythms and just go with the flow because in all other regards he is a good man. But I just found out he is into Hentai and has a few Facebook friends from some porn games he chats often with. I noticed before that some "friends" were posting some very explicit pics on Facebook and asked him many times who are this people and if he needed to watch someone else's butts and not mine. He said it was nothing, that is people he befriended from "some games" he plays. I never saw him playing anything sexual at all and I never suspected anything weird. It was just by accident I saw this game he plays. I wasn't snooping around. I'm not a jealous person, we were playing d&d online and he went to the bathroom, I tried to open a map and I saw that game. Everything became clear to me, he's into some weird **** and that's why he doesn't want me. I don't know what to think, I'm feeling really confused now, even worse than ever before. I need some advice because I can't talk about this with anyone I know.


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## Lance Mannion

You can go two ways.

1.) You draw the line on "weird ****" and see whether you can stay in the marriage as it is.
2.) You join him in his world of "weird ****" and see whether your acceptance of him as a guy who loves "weird ****" lowers his barriers towards you.


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## Kraken771

Lance Mannion said:


> You can go two ways.
> 
> 1.) You draw the line on "weird ****" and see whether you can stay in the marriage as it is.
> 2.) You join him in his world of "weird **" and see whether your acceptance of him as a guy who loves "weird **" lowers his barriers towards you.


First of all I'd like him to understand that there is a problem because he thinks nothing is wrong. For him is ok all of this but I am suffering, at the very least I need some acknowledgement of the situation and then perhaps he opens more about it so that I can understand his views. I'm not offended by the fact that he is interested in some weird harmless stuff. I'm more concerned because he seems to be more interested in his fantasy world than in me. I didn't married to become celibate. If he wanted to play with me I would be open to try it. But he is completely shut down to a conversation. I don't know if I should throw my marriage to the garbage over this. I was already trying to accept him as an asexual man, sometimes I feel he's a stranger. I don't really know what he's thinking.


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## TJW

I'm so very sorry you find yourself in that predicament. I had a GF who was somewhat like your husband. Thanks to the mercy and grace of God, I didn't marry her.



Kraken771 said:


> I'd like him to understand that there is a problem because he thinks nothing is wrong.


Thix is a major obstacle which you may never overcome. He is happy in his fantasy-land. It doesn't seem that he wants to leave that world and embrace the real world. Some people "retreat" into fantasy and become sex-conversation-avoidant, because there are some painful occurrences in their past of which they are afraid of recurrence. If this is what has happened to your husband, you may find his "wall" impenetrable. While the "wall" exists, he will not cross over into acknowledgement of the problem.


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## Kraken771

TJW said:


> I'm so very sorry you find yourself in that predicament. I had a GF who was somewhat like your husband. Thanks to the mercy and grace of God, I didn't marry her.
> 
> 
> 
> Thix is a major obstacle which you may never overcome. He is happy in his fantasy-land. It doesn't seem that he wants to leave that world and embrace the real world. Some people "retreat" into fantasy and become sex-conversation-avoidant, because there are some painful occurrences in their past of which they are afraid of recurrence. If this is what has happened to your husband, you may find his "wall" impenetrable. While the "wall" exists, he will not cross over into acknowledgement of the problem.


I sent him an email explaining how I feel because we're not talking since the event. It's unorthodox but is better than total silence. I hope he will give me some feedback or we better split. I don't know if that was a good idea or if I'm making everything worse.


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## HopefullySeeking

Kraken771 said:


> I sent him an email explaining how I feel because we're not talking since the event. It's unorthodox but is better than total silence. I hope he will give me some feedback or we better split. I don't know if that was a good idea or if I'm making everything worse.


At least you're trying and willing to do something. It's big of you to take initiative to communicate with him. Being that he avoids the whole situation it probably is better that you sent an email versus trying to sit him down and pay attention the whole time you pour out your heart to him. Hopefully he'll respond but don't be surprised if your email is ignored and that you once again have to initiate things. I think you're headed in the right direction. Take it one day at a time giving him multiple opportunities to engage. In the end if he just keeps ignoring you and the fact that your relationship at least requires some interaction & maintainence, then you'll know what you have to do for you.


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## Kraken771

HopefullySeeking said:


> At least you're trying and willing to do something. It's big of you to take initiative to communicate with him. Being that he avoids the whole situation it probably is better that you sent an email versus trying to sit him down and pay attention the whole time you pour out your heart to him. Hopefully he'll respond but don't be surprised if your email is ignored and that you once again have to initiate things. I think you're headed in the right direction. Take it one day at a time giving him multiple opportunities to engage. In the end if he just keeps ignoring you and the fact that your relationship at least requires some interaction & maintainence, then you'll know what you have to do for you.


Thank you so much for this feedback. I don't have anyone to talk about this and I'm getting depressed. Airing things out of my chest helps a lot!


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