# How would i convince my wife for Anal sex



## sid7800

Hello, 

I am 36 years old & my wife 34. i have greatly interested in Anal sex but my wife scared about the Anal intercourse, I often tried to make her convince saying, she will ever feel heavenly pleasure if she do that. sometimes she showing her interests, but soon after she is not. I want someone should provide me some effective idea, so that i can convince her for a great Anal sex.


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## Tentative

So this is a delicate subject... If not for the anonymity of this site I would be WAY too embarrassed to respond to this, and I'm not quite sure from your post if your wife is scared of receiving anal sex or if you are interested in having her use a sex toy on you as Personal's post seems to suggest, but I will fill you in on how it worked out for me and my boyfriend. 

I was very nervous about trying anal sex too (receiving it), and since I was a virgin when my boyfriend and I started dating, sex in general was very new to me and still a little scary. My boyfriend asked me to try it and I flat out told him no, never. 

He told me that it was ok if I truly didn't want to or if I was too afraid, he would respect that. He asked that I try it just once and told me that if I absolutely hated it or if it was too painful he would never pressure me to do it again, and he said that he would never want to make me do something that was unpleasant for me.

Hearing him say that made it much less intimidating since I then felt free to make up my own mind about whether or not I liked it.
We took it very slow, started with toys to help me relax, KY jelly to make it more comfortable, and soft music, candles, etc. to set the mood.
It was a little uncomfortable at first but it wasn't painful so I was able to keep an open mind - the important thing was that I didn't feel like I was being forced or coerced into doing it. And now, 5 years later, it is still a frequent and VERY enjoyable part of our sexual relationship.

My suggestion would be first and foremost: make sure your wife knows that you don't want it to be a painful or uncomfortable experience for her. Make it clear that if she hates it you won't force her or pressure her to keep doing it. If she agrees to try it once, make it as relaxing and romantic for her as possible. Use lubricant to make it more comfortable. And remind her that just like regular intercourse it gets better and more enjoyable with practice


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## missthelove2013

let her strap one on and take you from behind first
you will probably enjoy it more than she if you can get over the ridiculous "gay" implications...you have a prostate, she does not...this is YOUR G-spot and anal sex will stimulate it

I have had an many many orgasms from prostate stimulation (none from a strap on lol, but from fingers and a prostate stimulator) and it is much better than a penis orgasm

if she sees you cumming your ass out LOL, she might be more open to it

start with small thin toys and LOTS of lube...work your way up...try not to make her think its only a way to get her to let you boink her ass...


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## DayOne

Personal said:


> I imagine your wife might be scared she may hurt you, even if she may enjoy doing it to you.
> 
> Perhaps you could try some self insertion and let her watch, that way she may be convinced that your interest is genuine.
> 
> Good luck!



:lol::rofl:


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## Miss Taken

Agree with all of the advice so far. Get a dildo or even a cucumber about the size of your erect penis and let her use it on you first or watch as you stimulate yourself to heavenly pleasure. 

Once you have gone first, she may be more agreeable to letting you do it to her.


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## missthelove2013

anal sex and heavenly pleasure...
so it is written...


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## Anon Pink

Personal said:


> I imagine your wife might be scared she may hurt you, even if she may enjoy doing it to you.
> 
> Perhaps you could try some self insertion and let her watch, that way she may be convinced that your interest is genuine.
> 
> Good luck!


Bravo! Classic!


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## firebelly1

So...yeah...communication is key. Make it clear you won't pressure her or make her do anything she isn't comfortable with. 

I think you take baby steps - if you regularly perform oral on her (and if you aren't, you should) then get your tongue moving southward so she can feel your tongue in that area. 

Or, if you aren't willing to put your tongue there, use a well lubed finger to just circle the outside of her anus while you are performing oral or stimulating her clit with your fingers or a vibrator. Only do that during one sex session and then ask her about it afterward - did she like that? Did it feel good? If she says yes - ask her if she would be okay with you trying to just insert the tip of your finger inside her next time. Then you can work your way up with each session to something bigger / longer inserted further in until...eureka!

The idea is that you want her to get past mental fears around pain and if she can see that it's pleasurable instead of painful in baby steps, eventually you might get there. 

Also...understand the physiology of the anus. Help her to understand it. If it's at all painful, you aren't doing it right. Use a crap load of lube. Pun intended.


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## EleGirl

sid7800 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am 36 years old & my wife 34. i have greatly interested in Anal sex but my wife scared about the Anal intercourse, *I often tried to make her convince saying, she will ever feel heavenly pleasure if she do that*. sometimes she showing her interests, but soon after she is not. I want someone should provide me some effective idea, so that i can convince her for a great Anal sex.


It's is men who get "heavenly pleasure" from anal sex being done TO THEM because men has a prostate. 

Many women do not feel much or any pleasure from anal sex. Don't promise her something that you are not sure she will ever have.

Anal sex is mostly about what you want. Not about her.


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## firebelly1

Sorry Elegirl. Gonna contradict you on this. Most intense orgasms I have are during anal. I LOVE it. I do have to have clit stimulation at the same time to orgasm, but it is awesome.


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## EleGirl

firebelly1 said:


> Sorry Elegirl. Gonna contradict you on this. Most intense orgasms I have are during anal. I LOVE it. I do have to have clit stimulation at the same time to orgasm, but it is awesome.


Some women do experience a lot of pleasure with anal sex. Many, if not most, do not.

I was like you with anal until it caused an anal fissure (tear occurring in the anus). From that point on there was no pleasure. It's horrifically painful. After 40 years it still does not heal right.

There are other women here on TAM who have experienced the same thing I have.


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## firebelly1

EleGirl said:


> Some women do experience a lot of pleasure with anal sex. Many, if not most, do not.
> 
> I was like you with anal until it caused an anal fissure (tear occurring in the anus). From that point on there was no pleasure. It's horrifically painful. After 40 years it still does not heal right.
> 
> There are other women here on TAM who have experienced the same thing I have.


Sorry that happened to you. I wonder if "most women" don't like it because they've tried it, it was done correctly, and they didn't like it, or because they've never tried it or it was done incorrectly. I don't know the statistics but my guess would be that most women haven't tried it.


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## Anon Pink

firebelly1 said:


> Sorry that happened to you. I wonder if "most women" don't like it because they've tried it, it was done correctly, and they didn't like it, or because they've never tried it or it was done incorrectly. I don't know the statistics but my guess would be that most women haven't tried it.


Just like MOST women can have an orgasm via clitoral stimulation, and SOME women can have an orgasm via Gspot stimulation, even fewer women can have an orgasm via anal stimulation.

As you can see from the diagram below, (taken from this web site: Museum of Sex | NYC ) the clitoris just barely touches the anal opening. The business end of the clitoris is the little nubbin part up front and this is why the vast majority of women orgasm this way. But a good portion of the clitoris wraps entirely around the vagina with only a very small bit touching the anus.

View attachment 29378


I really don't think it is a matter of anal sex being done wrong, or some women not being interested in trying anal. The female body is simply not designed for anal orgasm, although a small number of women have been able to make that connection and morph it into an anal orgasm. I think it could be done if a woman was absolutely determined to have an anal orgasm AND her partner wasn't being a d!ck. 

But I have to say, having been on TAM for almost two years and spending the bulk of my time here in SIM, I have yet to see a post from a woman who wants anal sex advice. But I've seen dozens of threads from men who want to convince their woman and maybe 2-3 from a husband who wants advice on how to make it pleasurable for his woman.

AND that's what angers me about the OP and other threads like this. He didn't ask on how to ensure her measure on this...he is suffering from magic d!ck syndrome where he thinks if his penis enjoys it the orifice in question will enjoy it.

AINT SO DUDE!


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## Miss Taken

firebelly1 said:


> Sorry that happened to you. I wonder if "most women" don't like it because they've tried it, it was done correctly, and they didn't like it, or because they've never tried it or it was done incorrectly. I don't know the statistics but my guess would be that most women haven't tried it.



Pretty sure we've done it correctly several times. It just really isn't my thing and never will be. However, as you feel about anal sex being pleasurable for women (I'm assuming you're a woman) is probably close to how I sometimes feel explaining G-spot orgasms to women that have never had one. Those in my mind are the creme dela creme of the female orgasm...but that's me/my body. We're all different. I don't care for anal and can't come that way. If it happens to rock your world I think that's great.


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## larry.gray

EleGirl said:


> Some women do experience a lot of pleasure with anal sex. Many, if not most, do not.
> 
> I was like you with anal until it caused an anal fissure (tear occurring in the anus). From that point on there was no pleasure. It's horrifically painful. After 40 years it still does not heal right.
> 
> There are other women here on TAM who have experienced the same thing I have.


I'm glad I never hurt Mrs. Gray that way. If we continued, I bet it would have. She enjoyed it, but at the same time she hurt after. I do not think we were doing it "wrong" other than.... well... my size... She quit consenting to it about 15 years ago.


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## murphy5

sid7800 said:


> I often tried to make her convince saying, she will ever feel heavenly pleasure.


:rofl:

well, let us know how that goes! I am gonna bet she does not believe you!


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## staarz21

You will get advice from lots of lube to going slow. However, as a female, I'm going to say...it doesn't feel good. At all. It hurts like I don't know what going in...then, if you can get used to the stinging and burning, the rest of the time you feel like you're going to poop yourself. 

No orgasms from anal here! Certainly no "heavenly pleasure!"


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## larry.gray

You left the details of "after" out from your explicit description staarz21.


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## staarz21

larry.gray said:


> You left the details of "after" out from your explicit description staarz21.


I apologize. If the post is offensive, I can certainly delete it. Sometimes I need a filter.


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## larry.gray

staarz21 said:


> I apologize. If the post is offensive, I can certainly delete it. Sometimes I need a filter.


You certainly won't bother me. I was more referring to the fact that my wife had more trouble after than during.


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## Coldie

firebelly1 said:


> Sorry Elegirl. Gonna contradict you on this. Most intense orgasms I have are during anal. I LOVE it. I do have to have clit stimulation at the same time to orgasm, but it is awesome.


I second this. My wife's best orgasms by far are with anal sex, although she also has to have clit stimulation. It's not the anal that brings her to the point of orgasm, it's the clit. However, it's the pressure felt during the orgasm from anal, that makes her orgasms much more intense. So, there is a difference. It may not give her orgasms, but she loves the feeling of anal during the actual orgasm.

With that being said, any time she orgasms she likes it deep and hard. She seems to want to feel pain and intense pressure to counter the orgasm, which makes the moment that much more intense. I can relate, because I may rub my prostate (from the outside under the balls) or pull out and grip my penis hard as I stroke. The pressure makes my orgasm much better. If inside her, I will grind as deep as possible forcing my head into her back walls (putting pressure on my head and forcing my shaft backwards into my prostate) almost hurting myself while orgasming, and this also makes it much more intense for me.

My 2 cents on the subject.

As far as convincing your wife? If she doesn't want to do it, don't do it. She'll only resent you for trying or manipulating her. In my experience, it's something you talk about while still in the falling in love process, because women seem to be much more receptive to anything experimental when they are falling in love and trying to figure you out. It's also good to be open and up front from the beginning about the things you are into, so later you don't shock them. After you are married and have been having missionary sex for 5 years, chances are you wife will never give two craps about your desire for anal.


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## DoF

Don't talk to her about it.....

Be a man and take charge. Next time you guys are intimate, start touching her anal area as you penetrate. Go around it/tickle it if you will and for now, DO NOT penetrate.

Leave it at that.

Week or 2 later, do the same, but now penetrate it a little (maybe finger tip). Maybe when you are doing it doggy style or something.

If she enjoys it, go deeper, but go slow.

Eventually and in time (be patient).....if and when you are touching it and she is really wet down there and loves the finger, take it out of her vagina and slowly stick it in her ass.

She will love it....


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## Miss Taken

larry.gray said:


> You left the details of "after" out from your explicit description staarz21.


Nah, I think that's accurate. To me it feels like I'm taking a massive sh!t DURING. Nothing all too sexy of a feeling to me. Sorry for being crass.


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## larry.gray

I guess that just goes to show you that it can suck in different ways for different women. My wife complained of exactly that feeling after. Or to be more specific, she felt like she was going to have one without the ability to stop it.


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## treyvion

larry.gray said:


> I guess that just goes to show you that it can suck in different ways for different women. My wife complained of exactly that feeling after. Or to be more specific, she felt like she was going to have one without the ability to stop it.


It's probably not a good feeling and you should trust them on that.


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## PBear

Anon Pink said:


> Just like MOST women can have an orgasm via clitoral stimulation, and SOME women can have an orgasm via Gspot stimulation, even fewer women can have an orgasm via anal stimulation.
> 
> As you can see from the diagram below, (taken from this web site: Museum of Sex | NYC ) the clitoris just barely touches the anal opening. The business end of the clitoris is the little nubbin part up front and this is why the vast majority of women orgasm this way. But a good portion of the clitoris wraps entirely around the vagina with only a very small bit touching the anus.
> 
> View attachment 29378
> 
> 
> I really don't think it is a matter of anal sex being done wrong, or some women not being interested in trying anal. The female body is simply not designed for anal orgasm, although a small number of women have been able to make that connection and morph it into an anal orgasm. I think it could be done if a woman was absolutely determined to have an anal orgasm AND her partner wasn't being a d!ck.
> 
> But I have to say, having been on TAM for almost two years and spending the bulk of my time here in SIM, I have yet to see a post from a woman who wants anal sex advice. But I've seen dozens of threads from men who want to convince their woman and maybe 2-3 from a husband who wants advice on how to make it pleasurable for his woman.
> 
> AND that's what angers me about the OP and other threads like this. He didn't ask on how to ensure her measure on this...he is suffering from magic d!ck syndrome where he thinks if his penis enjoys it the orifice in question will enjoy it.
> 
> AINT SO DUDE!


Considering modern medicine can't explain the gspot and female ejaculation, forgive my cynicism with regards to their mapping...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene

PBear said:


> Considering modern medicine can't explain the gspot and female ejaculation, forgive my cynicism with regards to their mapping...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think they can't explain a lot of things too, like 'morning wood'.

If you look it up on sites like e-med they can't tie it down, you get things like "several theory's exist."

What???? how can something so prevalent be so hard (pun) to understand?


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## bubba29

show her how painless and pleasureable it is by lubing up your self and a dildo (the size of you or bigger) and thrust it in and out or your butthole.


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## Anon Pink

PBear said:


> Considering modern medicine can't explain the gspot and female ejaculation, forgive my cynicism with regards to their mapping...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Google it yourself then. "MRI of the clitoris" I posted the diagram because it was labeled, whereas the MRI image was not labeled.


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## JASON56

Anon Pink said:


> Google it yourself then. "MRI of the clitoris" I posted the diagram because it was labeled, whereas the MRI image was not labeled.



The diagram shows all the parts, but the technical data doesn't prove anything, as all women are different and may be more sensitive in certain areas..

Its already been proven here that some women enjoy anal and some don't ...so referring to a diagram and thinking i wont be able to orgasm this way .....because the parts don't line up is false.


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## Lon

People of both genders have lots of nerve endings around the anus because it is one of natures little devices to reward us positively to defecate, lol. Or so that is one theory that is out there. Either way, why not use those nerve endings in various ways that can derive pleasure?

If you don't like pleasure then by all means don't experiment with your body. But if stimulating the nerves in your anus, by rubbing, tugging, stretching or vibrating causes you pain, then you are doing it all wrong so learn to relax and find a better technique and or partner (don't give up a good marriage though).

OP, don't try to "convince" your wife of anything, just show her that you are up for exploring all forms of healthy pleasure together, go slow and dont put your wants above her fears.


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## Miss Taken

I simply don’t agree with the attitude that _"if a woman doesn’t like ____ (insert sex act here), she simply hasn’t had it done right"._ It’s invalidating. I find it troubling as to me, it implies that a woman ought not to be believed about her own sexual tastes and preferences; further, that a man or even another woman knows what’s best for her and her body because of their own experiences. 

To continue pressuring or coercing, or as otherwise suggested by some men in this very thread – to not discuss with the woman but just continue to slowly groom her into doing anal by engaging in light anal play in hopes it will open her up to it also sounds invalidating and manipulative to me. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and safe (emotionally and physically) for both parties. To disregaurd one's wishes to me shows disrespect and detracts from that safety. 

I HATE cilantro and coriander (same plant, but different parts) and I always have. I think it tastes like soap or the way that burning rubber smells and renders any dish indedible. Nobody ever tells me I just haven’t had it prepared right. No, most people just take it on its face that I know what I like or do not like to eat, and respect that despite how great that herb tastes to them. 

If I was into masochism play in the bedroom and my partner was not, I would have to respect that. I really appreciate...no actually _expect_ the same respect for my own desires or lack thereof from him. That is my deal breaker. If the desire to have anal is a deal-breaker for him (my spouse or OP or any man that feels that way) then maybe they ought to find a new partner who shares the enthusiasm for it, so he can be happy. This at the same time, giving her the opportunity to find someone that respects her sexuality and capacity as an adult to decide what feels good for her and turns her on. 

It’s been said that everyone is different. Even men are not all the same in their sexual likes, I know of one guy who hates having his testicles touched – even lightly during sex or foreplay. He's gone as far to say it makes him want to jump out of bed. My spouse and previous boyfriends on the other hand, have all loved having them stimulated, fondled, licked etc. If I was with such a man that didn't like it though, I would never tell him... "Oh come on babe, you just haven't had it done right yet. Let me show you how it feels good." 

Many women have chimed in on this thread with their own anecdotal evidence as to why they are either aye or nay for this act. While fun or interesting and perhaps educational, to talk about; in the grand scheme of things, it only matters what OP’s wife thinks as it’s her bum being penetrated and her who will either feel pain or pleasure or just like they’re taking a reverse poop from it. Nobody else can decide that or experience that for her. 

Bottom line (pun intended) I think OP should respect her wishes and as an adult, her mental capacity to make informed decisions about her own body. In turn, OP’s wife can also make concessions in the bedroom that may duplicate some of the sensations/experiences that anal would provide.

Hands are good for grasping if it’s a tightness issue and mouths are good at sucking, kegals are also good for squeezing during PIV and doggy-style and reverse cowgirl also provide ample rear views... though not the same there are plenty of other sexual things to explore that *both* might enjoy. The options are there for compromise. Like many things in life, this doesn't have to be a zero sum game.


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## Lon

MissTaken, my comment was mainly intended to suggest that finding pleasure in exploring new things is all about attitude. There is nothing inherently bad about bumplay, if you don't like it that's entirely your prerogative, but when you don't like eating cilantro do you give up trying any new dish with some herb that you are not sure you will like? Just because someone might not like having a huge object rammed into their colon doesnt mean that they might not like a little tickle on the outside. Nor does it mean that you will never like it ever. When I was a kid I couldn't stand the taste of potatoes, now I love them. Though as for cilantro, there is actually a genetic marker that makes it taste truly horrible for some and very nice for others, that doesn't mean there are not certain other foods you enjoy putting in your mouth.

The biggest thing though is trusting your partner to respect your boundaries, and when there is no trust or respect there are much worse problems than if you like anal sex or not.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening all
Some women do enjoy anal stimulation. Some of them enjoy anal penetration with a penis, some are only comfortable with something smaller.

Some women might enjoy anal, but previous lovers have hurt them by being too rough or not knowing what they were doing. Done wrong is is extremely painful -and NOT in a fun BDSM sort of way, but a "bad" painful sort of way.

Some women might enjoy anal sex but do not want to try because they think it is dirty (it can be), or they are worried about pain (which can happen).

Some women don't enjoy the sensation even if everything is done correctly.


Personally I think it is worth it for women to try - but start very gently with fingers, then small toys and work up. But if they don't enjoy it - thats fine.


BTW - my wife is somewhat unusual. She finds it uncomfortable (even if we are careful) but at the same time it makes her orgasm faster than anything else. We do it very rarely. She does enjoy anal play with fingers and small toys - again it seems to make her orgasm much faster than other things. she is too shy to try it on me.


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## Miss Taken

Lon said:


> MissTaken, my comment was mainly intended to suggest that finding pleasure in exploring new things is all about attitude. There is nothing inherently bad about bumplay, if you don't like it that's entirely your prerogative, but when you don't like eating cilantro do you give up trying any new dish with some herb that you are not sure you will like? Just because someone might not like having a huge object rammed into their colon doesnt mean that they might not like a little tickle on the outside. Nor does it mean that you will never like it ever. When I was a kid I couldn't stand the taste of potatoes, now I love them. Though as for cilantro, there is actually a genetic marker that makes it taste truly horrible for some and very nice for others, that doesn't mean there are not certain other foods you enjoy putting in your mouth.
> 
> The biggest thing though is trusting your partner to respect your boundaries, and when there is no trust or respect there are much worse problems than if you like anal sex or not.


I can't disagree with anything in this post Lon. Although I would add that cilantro and coriander, like penetrative anal sex and bum play/rimming are not the only options out there. Thank goodness for that lol.

I do think if possible/enjoyable for the woman if she likes being played with on the outside but not penetrated then that's a closer concession/better concession than nothing at all if it's something the guy really wants. For me I am somewhat okay with a finger up there but it's still mostly for him that I allow it because it _usually _doesn't detract from my overall enjoyment even though it really doesn't do much for me towards orgasm/increasing arousal. Nipple-play or a kiss on the neck would be 10x better. But that's me... different strokes/folks lol.

P.S. I read about the cilantro-hating gene on Gizmodo...never felt so vindicated. :smthumbup:


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## PieceOfSky

larry.gray said:


> You certainly won't bother me. I was more referring to the fact that my wife had more trouble after than during.




They make a strap that is easier to unfasten. 



(Self-doubt hits me in these moments. Read fast as I may settle on deleting.)


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## Lon

*Re: Re: How would i convince my wife for Anal sex*



Miss Taken said:


> I can't disagree with anything in this post Lon. Although I would add that cilantro and coriander, like penetrative anal sex and bum play/rimming are not the only options out there. Thank goodness for that lol.
> 
> I do think if possible/enjoyable for the woman if she likes being played with on the outside but not penetrated then that's a closer concession/better concession than nothing at all if it's something the guy really wants. For me I am somewhat okay with a finger up there but it's still mostly for him that I allow it because it _usually _doesn't detract from my overall enjoyment even though it really doesn't do much for me towards orgasm/increasing arousal. Nipple-play or a kiss on the neck would be 10x better. But that's me... different strokes/folks lol.
> 
> P.S. I read about the cilantro-hating gene on Gizmodo...never felt so vindicated. :smthumbup:


And, my comment about "doing it wrong" refers not only to bumplay, but doing anything in a way that someone finds unpleasant.

Gizmodo... I used to be one of their most active commenters for awhile 2005-2009 until they showed just how d1ckheaded they were by banning me simply for the sake of proving they could do so. How are they doing these days? actually I don't care.


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## staarz21

Lon said:


> People of both genders have lots of nerve endings around the anus because it is one of natures little devices to reward us positively to defecate, lol. Or so that is one theory that is out there. Either way, why not use those nerve endings in various ways that can derive pleasure?
> 
> *As some women have mentioned here, anal stimulation does NOT derive pleasure. Why try to convince us it does? *
> 
> If you don't like pleasure then by all means don't experiment with your body.
> 
> *Those of us who gave examples, have obviously experimented with this and our bodies. Still didn't find it pleasurable. Again, why try to convince us we are wrong and saying we don't like to experiment? That's insulting.*
> 
> 
> 
> But if stimulating the nerves in your anus, by rubbing, tugging, stretching or vibrating causes you pain, then you are doing it all wrong so learn to relax and find a better technique and or partner (don't give up a good marriage though).
> 
> *No. We are NOT doing it all wrong. It simply isn't pleasurable to us. I was relaxed and extremely turned on when I tried it...twice. It still was NOT pleasurable. Feeling like I am going to poop myself was not sexy. The pain I felt when something entered me through a muscle that is designed to allow things OUT of the body (and not in) was extreme. We even used smaller toys first. It's just not pleasurable for me and many other women. I think the women who enjoy anal are an even smaller group than those who can have a vaginal Orgasm. Vaginal Orgasms happen at around 20% for all women. Anal...even less. Not saying it doesn't happen and can't be pleasurable for some, but for many...it's not.
> 
> I'm also not into heavy BDSM or being slapped in the face, bleeding, or excessive hair pulling (I do enjoy a tug), nipple biting (too hard and I will stop everything), or anything else that involves excessive pain. There is a line between pleasure and pain that all of us have. Some people cross that line before others. *
> 
> OP, don't try to "convince" your wife of anything, just show her that you are up for exploring all forms of healthy pleasure together, go slow and dont put your wants above her fears.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: How would i convince my wife for Anal sex*

So then for you, sex should only be done the same way every time forever? Because you don't want to ever try something that you've already made up your mind you don't like.

In life you are very often given multiple opportunities to try something, it is not necessary to decide yay or nay the very first time you experience something.

That's all I'm trying to say, that I agree you like what you like and dislike what you dislike, but that it's not static and there is no harm in trying things again. You may find things that were unpleasurable once may not be anymore, but if you are closed off to ever finding out you will never know.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening all
One more comment. 
Many years ago I was very interested in trying anal with my wife. We did a little play with a finger now and then. One time when she was already very aroused she let me try. 

She had a wild orgasm in just few seconds, and her reaction make it really exciting for me. We did it frequently for a while, but after a bit the novelty for both of us started to wear off. After a bit it became something she would ask for, but that frankly I was starting to tire of. (though I'd do it to enjoy her enjoyment).

She still would (and still does) orgasm very quickly from it, but gradually decided it wasn't really her favorite thing. Now its something we do maybe one a year just for novelty - though we more often use fingers or toys.

The thing is, it doesn't feel significantly different to me. The ONLY thin I get out of it (more than for PIV) is listening to her reaction. 

So the OP may get his wife to try, and discover that it really isn't all that special, and that if she doesn't enjoy it, there really isn't much in it for him.


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## staarz21

Lon said:


> *So then for you, sex should only be done the same way every time forever? Because you don't want to ever try something that you've already made up your mind you don't like.*
> 
> 
> That's all I'm trying to say, that I agree you like what you like and dislike what you dislike, but that it's not static and there is no harm in trying things again. You may find things that were unpleasurable once may not be anymore, but if you are closed off to ever finding out you will never know.


I can't believe I have to explain this, but ok.

No sex should NOT be the same every time...but sex should NOT include hurting me. Seriously? So, because I've tried it a couple of times and I don't like it, I am now a boring sex partner who only chooses one position?

FYI...just because I don't want a penis in my butt hole doesn't mean there aren't other positions we can try or other things we can do to spice things up. It does not mean I am only having sex ONE way all of the time. 

As far as trying things more than once...I am sure I've said this already, but I have tried it more than once. Each time I didn't like it. So no. I won't be doing it any time soon. 

As I recall Lon, you have your very own set ways for sex as well in that you don't prefer to actually have sex. You prefer masturbation. You seem to think the reward isn't worth the effort of actually having sex. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/215217-confessions-ld-dudes.html

The same can be applied here. The reward is definitely NOT worth the effort in anal sex...FOR ME.


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## JASON56

There are women that will do things that they don't care for but they want to please there partner..Anal sex might be one of them..along with other sex acts.


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## pidge70

JASON56 said:


> There are women that will do things that they don't care for but they want to please there partner..Anal sex might be one of them..along with other sex acts.


Not when it is painful.


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## staarz21

JASON56 said:


> There are women that will do things that they don't care for but they want to please there partner..Anal sex might be one of them..along with other sex acts.


BJ, swallowing, toe sucking, whatever fetish...sure..I can see doing those things if your partner wanted you to and you don't normally do it...but anal is physically painful to some people. It's just wrong to ask your partner to do something that is painful.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: How would i convince my wife for Anal sex*



staarz21 said:


> I can't believe I have to explain this, but ok.
> 
> No sex should NOT be the same every time...but sex should NOT include hurting me. Seriously? So, because I've tried it a couple of times and I don't like it, I am now a boring sex partner who only chooses one position?
> 
> FYI...just because I don't want a penis in my butt hole doesn't mean there aren't other positions we can try or other things we can do to spice things up. It does not mean I am only having sex ONE way all of the time.
> 
> As far as trying things more than once...I am sure I've said this already, but I have tried it more than once. Each time I didn't like it. So no. I won't be doing it any time soon.
> 
> As I recall Lon, you have your very own set ways for sex as well in that you don't prefer to actually have sex. You prefer masturbation. You seem to think the reward isn't worth the effort of actually having sex.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/215217-confessions-ld-dudes.html
> 
> The same can be applied here. The reward is definitely NOT worth the effort in anal sex...FOR ME.


Anal sex does not have to equal "penis shoved in butthole", there are a thousand variations as to what this could be.

If "it" hurts, then yes you (and your partner) did it wrong.

I can't really explain this I guess, since I'm talking about something different than the act of shoving things where your partner doesn't want them. I'm talking about giving physical pleasure to a partner who trusts the intentions of the person she's with.


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## Lon

Lots of men like motorboating, but I'm pretty sure the majority of women don't orgasm by having that done to them, so why let their guy do it at all?


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## staarz21

Lon said:


> Anal sex does not have to equal "penis shoved in butthole", there are a thousand variations as to what this could be.
> 
> If "it" hurts, then yes you (and your partner) did it wrong.
> 
> I can't really explain this I guess, since I'm talking about something different than the act of shoving things where your partner doesn't want them. I'm talking about giving physical pleasure to a partner who trusts the intentions of the person she's with.


I trusted the intentions of my partner...I'm confused here. I knew what he was going to do which is why I allowed it in the first place. I was turned on by the idea. I was into it...completely. It physically HURTS. We didn't do it wrong....I don't even know how you can come to that conclusion....We used toys at first we played around with that area for a while before actually moving on to sex. I do not get pleasure from it, quite the opposite...so something is wrong with me?

For reference:

a·nal sex
noun
noun: anal sex
sexual activity involving penetration of the anus.


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## staarz21

Lon said:


> Lots of men like motorboating, but I'm pretty sure the majority of women don't orgasm by having that done to them, so why let their guy do it at all?


As far as I know, motor boating doesn't physically hurt the woman. This isn't about orgasms. When I first tried anal...I KNEW I probably wouldn't have an orgasm. I was still ok with trying it.

This is ridiculous. "You're doing it wrong because you don't like it or it hurts so keep trying"...ugh. The mentality baffles me. Especially since I have done it more than once. 

Look, obviously, we aren't going to agree. I think it's wrong to make a partner do something that is physically painful. Your view is that you just keep chugging on until it feels good...IF that can be possible for that individual. I'm telling you not everyone is the same. It doesn't always feel good for everyone. 

So, we can agree to disagree. I am ok with shaking hands on that.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: How would i convince my wife for Anal sex*



staarz21 said:


> I trusted the intentions of my partner...I'm confused here. I knew what he was going to do which is why I allowed it in the first place. I was turned on by the idea. I was into it...completely. It physically HURTS. We didn't do it wrong....I don't even know how you can come to that conclusion....We used toys at first we played around with that area for a while before actually moving on to sex. I do not get pleasure from it...so something is wrong with me?


I never said anything was wrong with you, just saying if it hurt, then the way you were going about it was wrong. Were you (as in both of you) trying to accomplish a goal? Were you trying to mimic something from porn? At what point exactly did it hurt, when skin contacted? When applied lube? Don't answer I'm just trying to make a point that by "it" it seems there are preconceived notions about what would happen and how it's supposed to feel, and I suspect everyone feels completely different about this.

I'm not at all trying to coach you or anyone else to participate in an act that is not mutually enjoyable, Its not even about the act of anal penetration. I'm just trying to break down any barriers from the attitude some people have that deems "it" wrong, either for others or themself, because there is no "right or wrong" when it comes to mutual sex, there is simply how we each go about it.

If some guy wants to shove it up his GFs rear, and she likes that, fine, and if not that's fine too, but I just think that if someone doesn't like having something jammed up their rear it would be closed minded to simply say they can derive no pleasure from that part of their anatomy. I don't like having my lips bit hard (my GF likes to do sometimes) but I still love kissing, and I immensely enjoy getting them nibbled on lightly, even though it could potentially hurt.


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## staarz21

Lon said:


> * but I just think that if someone doesn't like having something jammed up their rear it would be closed minded to simply say they can derive no pleasure from that part of their anatomy. *



How is that close minded? I am just trying to understand, not argue. How is it close minded to say they don't get pleasure from that area if they don't in fact like anything up there?


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## soccermom2three

You realize that bodies can be different or Some people have a high tolerance for pain than others, right? It doesn't have to do with "doing it wrong". 

Anyway listen to nurses talk about women and men that come into the ER with major issues after receiving anal sex and it will totally turn you off. Blech.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: How would i convince my wife for Anal sex*



staarz21 said:


> How is that close minded? I am just trying to understand, not argue. How is it close minded to say they don't get pleasure from that area if they don't in fact like anything up there?


If we were talking vaginal penetration would you feel the same way? If someone didn't like anything whatsoever up there, be it finger, tongue, penis, spaghetti noodle, bowling ball whatever, that it would be closed minded to say they in fact can't get pleasure from it?

It would probably hurt to have a catheter put in, but some guys get pleasure from having things inserted in their urethra. I've never tried, but I'd be open to trying if I had a partner that wanted to do it. If it resulted in no pain I'd let her do it again, but if it hurt I wouldn't just say "no never again" because I didn't like it, but I certainly wouldn't do it the same way twice, I'd make her use a smaller one if she ever wanted to, at some point there is a threshold before pain enters, and I'd be keen to try to find that point if my partner was interested in this.


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## coupdegrace

In my experience, there really is no way to "convince" someone to have anal sex. Either they're curious and want it or they don't, and if they don't, chances are it's never going to happen... especially if they have friends in their ear, convincing them to steer clear.

My wife LOVES anal play (fingers, small toys, massaging), and achieves the most intense orgasms with this, but doesn't want to try Anal intercourse because of what two of her friends told her. They both had negative, painful experiences, so my wife is afraid the same thing will happen to her, so as much as she loves anal play, there is no convincing her to have intercourse.


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## staarz21

Lon said:


> If we were talking vaginal penetration would you feel the same way? If someone didn't like anything whatsoever up there, be it finger, tongue, penis, spaghetti noodle, bowling ball whatever, that it would be closed minded to say they in fact can't get pleasure from it?
> 
> It would probably hurt to have a catheter put in, but some guys get pleasure from having things inserted in their urethra. I've never tried, but I'd be open to trying if I had a partner that wanted to do it. If it resulted in no pain I'd let her do it again, but if it hurt I wouldn't just say "no never again" because I didn't like it, but I certainly wouldn't do it the same way twice, I'd make her use a smaller one if she ever wanted to, at some point there is a threshold before pain enters, and I'd be keen to try to find that point if my partner was interested in this.


Unfortunately some women do have pain with penetration sex. So, yes. I would feel the same way. It wouldn't be closed minded. They know their body. 

In many cases, they would need surgery in order to fix the issue to have PIV sex. Some women are just born with their nerves crossed or the cervix is too low or a number of other complications that cause pain in the vagina. 

So, yes. I would say the same thing. It's not closed minded because not everyone is born the same way. Not everyone feels the same pleasure/pain. It's subjective.

I don't think it's up to you, me or anyone else to tell someone what should or should not be pleasurable to them.


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## richardsharpe

Good evenign staarz21
You are completely right. For some reason is it painful for some people and not others. Its possible it is as simple that natural variations is size make this work for some couples and not others.

I don't know if the people who find anal painful find smaller objects painful as well, or not. 

I actually agree with the people who sometimes suggest that men should try. Not as a sort of "get even" thing, but because I think a lot of men have a very wrong idea about the "type" of pain this is. It isn't a fun / sexy / submissive pain (like being spanked) but something for real unpleasant. He can see that if he tries something too big, it really isn't fun. 


I agree with the posters who say that anal is very different from oral. I think pretty much anyone should be willing to do their best at oral, but anal is really painful for some people, and not something that should be expected. 



staarz21 said:


> I trusted the intentions of my partner...I'm confused here. I knew what he was going to do which is why I allowed it in the first place. I was turned on by the idea. I was into it...completely. It physically HURTS. We didn't do it wrong....I don't even know how you can come to that conclusion....We used toys at first we played around with that area for a while before actually moving on to sex. I do not get pleasure from it, quite the opposite...so something is wrong with me?
> 
> For reference:
> 
> a·nal sex
> noun
> noun: anal sex
> sexual activity involving penetration of the anus.


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## Almostrecovered

It slipped, I swear!!


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## IIJokerII

Before you change lanes without signaling a few key steps can, or may, be helpful. A good tactic is to be behind her on your sides and let her slide onto you, slowly at first and after the initial breach and press can you, the man, begin to use light, slow thrusts until she is comfortable or at least tolerant because it will hurt if done wrong, or even right mind you.

A good way to introduce even the idea is to use the 2 in the pink one in the stink method......I love rhyming. Start by stimulating her Vagina then progress to using finger insertion. After a set of time start to stray either the pinky ( suggested initially) or ring finger and lightly press her anus but do not attempt to breach the plane. After a few sessions begin to try to take it to the next level but do not become impatient, this will backfire, no pun intended.


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## Miss Taken

Lon said:


> It would probably hurt to have a catheter put in, but some guys get pleasure from having things inserted in their urethra. I've never tried, but I'd be open to trying if I had a partner that wanted to do it. If it resulted in no pain I'd let her do it again, but if it hurt I wouldn't just say "no never again" because I didn't like it, but I certainly wouldn't do it the same way twice, I'd make her use a smaller one if she ever wanted to, at some point there is a threshold before pain enters, and I'd be keen to try to find that point if my partner was interested in this.


Morbid curiosity as to what you think of this. I don't enjoy having a penis up my rear. I also merely tolerate, tongues and toys or fingers in that area as well. I can assure you I am relaxed and often turned on because of the other sexual things we're doing when I allow this to happen. But still it's merely tolerate... Is that sexy? Closed minded? What? I get no pleasure from those things although they might not cause pain. So when my partner asks if it's okay, I'm agreeable to it even though it gives me no pleasure. I do it because it turns him on but not because it feels good. 

As for having something crammed down your urethra to please a spouse... I'd just have to ask if you need to be stabbed multiple times, in multiple different ways or choked to within varying inches of my life a few times and if so - how many, to know you wouldn't like that? Because for me, I only need to burn my finger once to know the stove is hot and that I don't like burns.


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## Miss Taken

soccermom2three said:


> Anyway listen to nurses talk about women and men that come into the ER with major issues after receiving anal sex and it will totally turn you off. Blech.


Unfortunately (understatement), I came across a Gawker article about "Rosebudding" porn today. Before I heard of such a thing, I would agree with this 100%. (Still agree on the "Blech" big time!). But apparently it's not as big of a turn off for some as you or I would think.

For those that are who like I was, naive about the term, a "rosebud" in porn is a rectal prolapse. Apparently for some, when the anal sex becomes too boring or too mundane, they've found a way to sexualize a woman's inside-out rectum - which in it's bloody, smelly glory, looks somewhat like a stinky, bloody rose. 

The sky is the limit after all so don't be too closed minded ladies and knock things you haven't tried more than once. You may be a prude if he isn't seeing your entrails. 

Again, not said to minimize the experiences of women who can come this way but there are definitely increased risks of things like: anal fissures, hemorrhoids, and tears, and rectal prolapse. All of which come with a very high risk of infection btw.


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## staarz21

Miss Taken said:


> Unfortunately (understatement), I came across a Gawker article about "Rosebudding" porn today. Before I heard of such a thing, I would agree with this 100%. (Still agree on the "Blech" big time!). But apparently it's not as big of a turn off for some as you or I would think.
> 
> For those that are who like I was, naive about the term, a "rosebud" in porn is a rectal prolapse. Apparently for some, when the anal sex becomes too boring or too mundane, they've found a way to sexualize a woman's inside-out rectum - which in it's bloody, smelly glory, looks somewhat like a stinky, bloody rose.
> 
> The sky is the limit after all so don't be too closed minded ladies and knock things you haven't tried more than once. You may be a prude if he isn't seeing your entrails.
> 
> Again, not said to minimize the experiences of women who can come this way but there are definitely increased risks of things like: anal fissures, hemorrhoids, and tears, and rectal prolapse. All of which come with a very high risk of infection btw.


Omg....

I had no idea what that was...and oh nasty. Speechless.


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## Miss Taken

^ I know, it's disgusting and very dangerous for the woman... I was shocked to find out that this was a "thing".


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## richardsharpe

Good evening all
Sex is definitely one of those things where more is not always better.


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## WandaJ

there are "training" anal plug, silicone, come as set of one smaller, one larger. After she gets comfortable with smaller one, she can move to the bigger one. (lube is important). Once she is comfortable wearing them around the house for a while and finds it erotic (I can go for 3-4 hours and and it makes me very horny), it might be time to move to the real thing. It can help to have the anal plug in for a half an hour or so befor you move in.


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## larry.gray

I'm surprised the topic lasted this long without touching on santorum.


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## larry.gray

GettingIt got it :rofl:


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## Miss Taken

*Re: Re: How would i convince my wife for Anal sex*



larry.gray said:


> GettingIt got it :rofl:


This thread has expanded my vocabulary. Although I am sure I was better off before I learned of rosebuds and santorums. 

It was a more innocent time then.


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## Just dandy

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1xc_BJxdDgg


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## Almostrecovered

larry.gray said:


> I'm surprised the topic lasted this long without touching on santorum.


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## DaisyConfused

I think if your wife isn't comfortable with it you shouldn't push it. For many women it crosses a barrier and I'm sure your wife feels that way herself. I would never try and push something if my spouse was adamant about not wanting to do it. There are so many more things out there you can try that she would enjoy just as much.


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## staarz21

larry.gray said:


> I'm surprised the topic lasted this long without touching on santorum.


I had to google it...I hate urban dictionary...I always get visuals when I read that stuff...not cool. :rofl:


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## firebelly1

The last thing I would want to encourage is the demeaning of women. If they say they don't like it or it hurts, that should be respected by their partner. If it's off the table forever, so be it. I'm also guessing - but curious if I'm right - that that isn't a deal breaker for most men.

If I implied somehow that I get orgasms from anal penetration alone, didn't mean to. It's a helper, not a stand-alone act. 

I am with Lon on this in the sense that there may be a way to do anal play that doesn't hurt you that you haven't tried. It still doesn't mean that your partner should insist that you do it if you don't want to. You may just not be interested in experimenting with it either to see if you can find the one thing that doesn't hurt. If that isn't a deal breaker for your partner, it's a non-issue. If your level of willingness to be adventurous is satisfying to you and your partner, non-issue. 

All I'm saying is that if for any reason you might be interested in experimenting, know that there are myriad ways of doing anal play that don't hurt. And even the same thing might hurt with or without some adjustment of lube or size or whatever. The urge to poop can be tolerated and can go away, etc. If you aren't interested in trying any of that, so be it, and your wish should be respected. If you think it will hurt no matter what and you have evidence of your own body to support that, that should be respected. If you think it might hurt but don't know and don't want to find out, that should be respected. But if you ARE curious to see if there's a way to do it without it hurting, you might be able to find out. 

The advice is different if you are the one penetrating vs being penetrated obviously. Coercion isn't cool no matter what setting.


----------

