# Just a very long overdue update and vent



## lostandnotsure (Dec 30, 2011)

It's been a long time since I posted although I've been lurking the entire time. A lot has happened since my last post although it's taken me a while to get there and these forums have been a godsend helping to keep me level headed.

I'm up late tonight unable to sleep sad and upset. Guess I should bring every one up to speed since looking back it's been 6 months since I've posted although been lurking the entire time.

After trying for a couple of months and watching her I figured out that I was never going to be able to be with her for the long term. When I came to the decision that i couldn't do this any more and it was best if we divorced we talked for about 2 weeks about how things should be split and our son. How the property and such is getting split up was basically worked out really fast. There is very little that i was attached to so for the most part if she was asking for it I gave it to her but I keep the house. As for our son she kept flip flopping back and fourth, I would think we would have something figured out and then she would change her mind. 

After about 2 weeks she just stopped talking about it at all, if I brought it up she would just give me the cold shoulder. If she didn't deal with it it would just go away? She did finally get a job though part time as a cashier at warlmart because I told her she needed to save her money so she could afford a place on her own eventually. She did save a little bit but also started splurging a lot also, mani/pedi every 10 days or so, with her working I was cooking MOST meals but she did have a few nights to cook when she wasn't working and just started ordering out instead of cooking on her days off and getting 5 new piercings in 1 ear. A few luxuries i could understand but she was spending nearly her whole paycheck when she got it. 

After this went on for a while I couldn't stand living in this Limbo since she was still living with us while she "Saved Money" but wouldn't talk about it. There were a lot of times where she would just act like things were just fine and I wondered if she had forgotten the divorce. I couldn't stand this limbo of her ignoring the issues any more and finally started contacting a lawyer. 

After a couple of try's I found a lawyer i could deal with and was prompt with responding although not cheap I had a joint petition for divorce written up since we had discussed trying to keep things and amicable as possible for our sons sake and it was MUCH cheaper this way. He wrote things up like we discussed since my wife and I had worked out most of the division of assets but I did add one thing that I thought she would have a major issue with. I asked for sole custody of our son and she just had visitation. I was prepared to put up a big fight for this since she basically ignored him for years unless it was convienent for her and IMO she wouldn't be able to care for him properly. No I don't think I'm the perfect parent but I do believe I'm by far the better parent of the two of us. 

After getting her to fill out a little required paperwork the lawyer got our whole packet together and gave it to me for us to get it signed and notorized. Took me the weekend to get up the courage to tell her about and I hit the highlights of what was in it and offered to give it to her to read. She said she would look at it later. She wasn't happy about me telling her I wanted sole custody of our son and she argued with me about it, I expected this. We argued for a day about it and then she just dropped the subject. Over the course of the next week I kept offering it to her to read but she kept telling me she would look it over later but she had started looking at apartments. I had long ago told her I would help her with the deposit and such when she moved out but had told her the paperwork would need to be signed before I would be willing to give her any money since this was part of the decree. 

After about a week and a half she tells me she has several appointments to see apartments but she's still yet to look at the paperwork. I bring up the paperwork again and offer it to her yet again. Her response is we'll just go to the bank to have it notirized on her next day off. Finally on the way to the bank she actually pulled out all the paperwork and glanced at it for about 2 minutes. For years I told her always read something before you sign it but here she was just blindly signing something again. The part of me that wants to take care of her wants to scream at her to read the Fing paperwork But I bite my toung since I'm getting my way. I expected to have to fight for my son but guess she liked the idea of me giving her some spousal support and not asking for child support? I expected a serious fight and some negotiating, I just wanted to make sure I had him more than 50% of the time since I was his primary caretaker already. 

Paperwork is now all filed with the court. She got a letter from the court today letting her know she has 15 days to respond or not and that we have to take a parenting impact class that will clost $85 each. She got upset that she was going to wast 4 hours and she couldn't afford that much, I'll be giving her more than enough support for the next 2 years. I told her I would pay it and scheduled a session for her on her day off. We had planned to go together but they didn't have enough room in the session on her day off so I'm scheduled for a week later. 

Tomorrow she goes to sign the lease on her new apartment and she'll be moved out by the end of the week. I'm laying here sad, upset and crying unable to sleep tonight. Not because of the end of our marriage, I think I detached myself from that a while ago but because once she moves out It's going to hit my son that momma isn't coming home any more. Yes he does know she's moving out but I don't think he fully understands that she won't be moving back in with us. It breaks my heart thinking about this, and I think it's just going to be a matter of time till she's going to tell me she can't take him on her weekend because she busy or she can't find a baby sitter on her weekend. He will be with me during the week and every other weekend. 

I'm not really sure why i'm writing this now other than I can't sleep and just feel the need to vent a little. Since school has ended for him I've been getting out a lot more. Mostly with my son going to the park or the beach or the zoo. It scares me to be a single parent even if I do know I'm the better parent for him. It scares me to be single again even though I'm not even looking right now and I'm focusing on my son. I guess these are all common worries but still scary.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Is she mentally unstable? Otherwise, why the hell do you get to keep the house AND have sole custody?????? WTF?


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## lostandnotsure (Dec 30, 2011)

Well you would have to go back to my original post from about 6 months ago but the house was mine to start with and she added nothing to it other than to start a house fire that destroyed the kitchen. 

Far as mentally unstable, diagnosed no although she has a lot of issues that she needs to adress. But when she would do things like forgetting to make dinner, forgetting to feed me I could forgive I can get my own food but my son doesn't have that option. She's getting a fair settlement honestly probably a lot better than what the courts would give. I'm not just kicking her to the curb with nothing. If she can manage to not spend her money on the most expensive stuff she can find on a whim she'll be living comfortably for a few years. 

I've been the primary caregiver for years now I just refuse to let my STBXW be a drain any longer that doesn't contribute any thing and could be detrimental to our son.


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## Auddi38 (Jul 8, 2012)

I would honestly say that unless someones been in your shoes they've no right to judge. Is this what's best for you child only you and she would know. To Honeystly don't judge what you DO NOT know anything about. Sure to you it may be a WTF but do you know all the specific's of this mans marriage? I'm sure you do not. I say that if it's best do it!


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