# Confused



## Confusedmale2022 (11 mo ago)

Hi everyone and thanks for your thoughts in advance 
Over the past few years my wife when she's drinking gets to a point where she will (most resent example) will take me by the hand and say come dance with me, on getting to the dance floor turns her back on me to dance with some other bloke and totally forgets about me standing there like a shag on a rock. Am i failing as a husband or is she just building up to infidelity 
Thanks


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

at the very least, this shows she has no respect for you. Once she gets enough booze in her to over come her fear of losing you as a security blanket, she blatantly shows you what she really thinks about you….

Think of it like one of those generic poll.. If it’s a choice between you and ANY OTHER MAN you lose… but for now your still in office..

when she drinks she shows more about herself. She is showing you that she doesn’t love you, is/will be a cheater, is severely damaged, or a combination of any number of these

… so to quote Maya Angelou… “When someone shows you who they are believe them!” From there you will need to decide how to proceed…


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Confusedmale2022 said:


> Hi everyone and thanks for your thoughts in advance
> Over the past few years my wife when she's drinking gets to a point where she will (most resent example) will take me by the hand and say come dance with me, on getting to the dance floor turns her back on me to dance with some other bloke and totally forgets about me standing there like a shag on a rock. Am i failing as a husband or is she just building up to infidelity
> Thanks


That certainly is a rude thing to do. I'm not sure it means she's trying to cheat on you since most women aren't going to do that right in front of you if they are but it certainly warrants a conversation about how rude it is.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Is she competitive and did she show any possessive behaviours when you first got together? How long married?

Have you ever engaged in any behaviour like this (attention to other women) and how has she responded?

We don’t have a lot of background, but it sounds like she’s wanting to show you that she’s very desirable to other people. And to build herself up by making you feel small. 

Why do you blame yourself here by asking if you’re failing as a husband. Again, we don’t know what she’s thinking, but it’s a pretty shocking behaviour towards a spouse.


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

Certainly needs some conversation, its rude and insensitive. Is she able to recall these actions or under so much influence that shes isn't able to remember?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

*She likes to rub it in your face. *
The bad thing is you asking if it’s your fault. Cmon man. You know the answer.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Sounds like a s*** test to me. Take control of the situation. Turn her around and tell her that she is dancing with you and you only. Then when you have her in privacy, tell her under no uncertain terms that you do not tolerate any disrespect.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

When people drink too much they do stupid things. Maybe a good idea if she stopped or cut down on the drink.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Confusedmale2022 said:


> Hi everyone and thanks for your thoughts in advance
> Over the past few years my wife when she's drinking gets to a point where she will (most resent example) will take me by the hand and say come dance with me, on getting to the dance floor turns her back on me to dance with some other bloke and totally forgets about me standing there like a shag on a rock. Am i failing as a husband or is she just building up to infidelity
> Thanks


Tell her it is completely unacceptable to do what she does. Then the next time she does it leave her there and just go home or go to another bar or meet up with some friends or find another woman and ask her to dance. Don't just stand there like a chump.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> When people drink too much they do stupid things. Maybe a good idea if she stopped or cut down on the drink.


When some people is sober they hide the stupid thoughts that emerge when drunk.
Not a very impressive ethics.
Of course, too much drinking haves it´s own perils. But....anyhow........


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Tell her that she will soon have the freedom of single people.
And mean it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Confusedmale2022 said:


> Hi everyone and thanks for your thoughts in advance
> Over the past few years my wife when she's drinking gets to a point where she will (most resent example) will take me by the hand and say come dance with me, on getting to the dance floor turns her back on me to dance with some other bloke and totally forgets about me standing there like a shag on a rock. Am i failing as a husband or is she just building up to infidelity
> Thanks


My wife used to do this same thing.
My ex-wife cheating ***** of a wife that is.
Sorry, it's a raw nerve.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Sounds like someone you dont want to be with and someone who will eventually cheat on you.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

thunderchad said:


> Sounds like someone you dont want to be with and someone who will eventually cheat on you.


That's what happened in my case.
But I'll also say that I DID shut it down and establish boundaries.

The problem was that the dancing behavior and lack of respect was just a sign of her true nature so in the end it didn't matter what I did.

I hope you have better luck than me OP


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

In my opinion if you have to ask because you're confused, then it's over for you (sooner or later). 
A man that has self respect and dignity would not be standing there all confused.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

that is some really bizarre behavior. i am trying to think of a reason she is doing it.

are these just random guys on the dance floor, or do they seem to already know each other?

are you a really poor dancer?

are there any other symptoms of her being clinically bipolar? Maybe she is your wife when sober, but an actual alternate personality shows up when she is drunk? there have been a lot of posts here recently about a spouse being bipolar and doing bizarre stuff

it is possibly she has been reading/watching porn, and wants to try a hotwife situation out, and wants to humiliate you to see if you get turned on by it?

whatever you do, do NOT get this woman pregnant. you maybe be checking out of the dance floor permanently with her.

she is either crazy, or deliberately taunting you for some unknown reason

next time you are at the bar, just leave her and go dance with some other hot women you see. let her figure out what YOU are up to.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The obvious answer is to start getting hot and heavy dancing with another woman and ignore HER. However, you’re asking what to do. That in itself is passive.

why are you out in dance clubs with a beer swilling wife? I personally am not into marrying the bar hoppers.

But when in Rome……. See her reaction when YOU are dancing with other ladies. She might just jump your bones. Standing there like a whipped puppy gets you nothing but pain. And you allowing her to get all up on other guys…….. huh? Take her drunk butt home. Don’t tell me…. She’ll get loud and embarrass you….. again, why do you keep doing this?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

thinking about this more...i beleive she is into Femdom. either she read about it, found it on some porn site, or has toxic GFs who do that to their husband and are goading her on.

next thing, she will be showing up with a chastity cage for you.

if that sort of thing turns you one, go for it.
If that sort of thing turns you off, grow a pair and set her straight.


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