# Question , please help -- found Escort site on browser



## JoJoRider8 (Jun 26, 2014)

I am in a relationship with what seems to be a wonderful man. We have been together almost 2 years, and plan to marry and are attempting to have a child (I am late 30s and he is mid 40s). He is by all accounts a wonderful partner - loving, attentive, funny, respectful of me. Never argue, he puts me and our relationship as a priority. I really have no complaints except....

Late last year, he went out of town. When he returned, I saw in his browser history he had visited a backpage escort webpage for the town in which he was staying. I confronted him, he was extremely remorseful, said he only looked, didn't contact, and explained it as it being just curiosity/a turn on, similar to porn. (He occasionally - maybe 2-3x month - will look at porn for a brief amount of time -10/15 min - which doesn't bother me)

I checked the call records from the period he was out of town, googled every # and nothing popped up as an escort listing. (however, he did have access to a land line, so this doesn't necessarily prove innocence on his part). Checked his emails, trash, etc - found no contact.

Since then, I have periodically checked his phone, ipad, emails, internet history, etc etc. Diligently really. And have never seen anything of note or suspicion. He is always where he says he's going to be, doesnt go out with out me ever really.

In my searching of his emails, I did find evidence that a few years ago, he contacted via email some escorts on craigslist. There were never any reply emails or further activity, and this was 2 years before I met him after he had just broken up with his last girlfriend (so he was single). Obviously, this shows the propensity or willingness at least to be with an escort, which is of concern.

My questions: Is it possible a man could just look for curiosity sake? I still feel at some level, even if he didn't act on it, there was a smidgeon of intention which concerns me. Do you think its reasonable based on having no other evidence of bad-doing since then that I would marry this man? I guess my biggest fear is 8 years down the line, he'll "succumb" and be one of those you hear about who were secretly seeing escorts/hookers.

Thanks for any info!


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Contacting escorts is NOT the same as looking at porn or being curious...tread cautiously. If he is a curious thrill seeker, who's to say he won't up the ante and act on his 'curiosity'?

If you're set on M, STD tests and abstain from getting pregnant until you sort this out. Of course, most here will advise not getting married at all just yet...just sayin' if you do.

Sadly, you seem to be in line for a lifetime of playing detective with this choice. There are plenty of threads here if you need advice on that.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea I don't buy his reason that it was "just for fun".

He's looking for something...something real.

Figure this out...before marriage and DEFINITELY before a baby.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

If he used his hotel room phone, the charges would have been on his bill, even for local calls, an you can request a copy of the phone usage for those days from the hotel. Do you have full access to each others finances? Cant buy an escort with compliments and curiosity, are there funds unaccounted for?

Can a person get some kind of thrill frol just browsing? Certainly, but it is a very slippery slope, and as WLGTDWI(post 2) said, once just browsing becomes dull what will he end up doing?

I would highly recommend that you both attend individual counseling (IC) and after a few sessions of IC find a good couples counselor (CC) and discuss boundaries and your relationship at length before committing to marriage.


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## JoJoRider8 (Jun 26, 2014)

that_girl said:


> Yea I don't buy his reason that it was "just for fun".
> 
> He's looking for something...something real.
> 
> Figure this out...before marriage and DEFINITELY before a baby.


I agree, he was at least considering it. The fact he has contacted them (and probably used them) before is not good. 

Also - he does not know that I have seen emails where he has in the past contacted them (before he met me).

As for "figure this out" -- how do I do that???

My problem is, I kinda rug swept it. I mean we dealt with it for 2 days, but ultimately I was not satisfied with the resolution and it has been gnawing at me since then (its been 8 months). Im not really sure how to bring it up again? I know that sounds weird. "Oh by the way, remember that time you looked at hookers online...well can we talk about that some more?" Normally we communicate so well and talk about all kinds of stuff, but I feel stuck about this.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Bring it up.

If you can't talk about the crunchy stuff, y'all have no business getting married. This is HUGE, imo.

I'd just say, "Ya know, I'm just not ok with your actions and I feel they weren't dealt with properly for me to get closure or really trust you again."

I don't know how to make it better though. He probably still contacts escorts but now he's just smarter about getting caught.

I'd not be able to marry him. At least he showed his colors before you said I do. And if you do say "i do", well...good luck.


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## JoJoRider8 (Jun 26, 2014)

Paladin said:


> If he used his hotel room phone, the charges would have been on his bill, even for local calls, an you can request a copy of the phone usage for those days from the hotel. Do you have full access to each others finances? Cant buy an escort with compliments and curiosity, are there funds unaccounted for?


He was at a private residence so I don't have access to the phone records. Our finances are not comingled. I could look up his bank statement (he keeps them in binders), but problem his he has large amount of cash on him for that trip, as he was hiring day laborers (off Craigslist) to do work on the property. In other words, I have no means of tracing any cash he would have used to pay.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And this is just CRAZY! to me, this is a lot of effort for someone that you can just walk away from. Do you want this to be your life? Wondering wtf is happening every time he's not with you for more than 12 hours?

Snooping, looking through things, etc....omg. 

Talk to him about it and see what he says. If he gets irritated, that's a red flag to me. 

I just know I couldn't be with someone I don't trust. I don't want to snoop in order to feel secure.

I'm married to a liar. Found that out about 2 years after marriage. It sucks. I'm in limbo as to what to do at this moment.


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

as a married man...a man in general..i've never looked up escort services for fun/turn on/curiosity...just sayin'.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

JoJoRider8 said:


> He was at a private residence so I don't have access to the phone records. Our finances are not comingled. I could look up his bank statement (he keeps them in binders), but problem his he has large amount of cash on him for that trip, as he was hiring day laborers (off Craigslist) to do work on the property. In other words, I have no means of tracing any cash he would have used to pay.


Well, so it seems like you already know what to do, or at least know that something needs to be done. If I was to place a wager, I would place it on him using cash that trip to have sex with escorts, that is the cynical me talking, so if straight breaking up with this man and moving on does not seem like a good option, do what that_girl said to do, but instead of saying you dont know how to fix it, say you are interested in counseling, both individual and couples.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He could very well have a secret cell phone you know nothing about too. That's how my husband communicated with his 'models'.

Get STD tested ASAP.

If I were you there is NO way I would marry this man or have kids with him. His explanation about it being merely 'curiosity' is bullpucky.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You should not be trying for a child out of wedlock really ever.

When the man wants to go to prostitutes, this is a doubly dumb decision that sadly impacts the life of an innocent child.


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## JoJoRider8 (Jun 26, 2014)

I guess my problem is -- Should I really throw the relationship way b/c he looked at an escort site one time (that I'm aware of). Sure, tis possible he hooked up with them, but I honestly don't think he did. I think he maybe considered it, out of old habits, or just wanting to think about doing it, but didn't do it.

The thing is, he treats me so great and does everything right in our relationship, and we are so happy otherwise. He has never given me any reason to doubt him whatsoever.

And I don't intend to "police" him forever -- I basically did due diligence to see any evidence of him doing anything fishy online and found not one iota. I did find that in the past he did lots of online dating, and even some activity on "sexy" dating sites like AFF. I actually logged into his old account on AFF and found he had no activity really. I think he basically even when single just browsed the site, but there was no profile info, no "favorites", no messages, etc. Same with some of his old dating sites too - very little activity.

I do not think there is a secret phone. He is very open and transparent with me, and we live together. The cell phone is in my name so I have access to the detail call/msging logs. I mean I have found NOTHING in 8 months.

My ONLY thought is maybe he could be doing Incognito/InPrivate Browsing? But he is not very technically savvy.

Is it really the wisest thing to do to end the relationship? Is it completely unfeasible he coulda considered an escort, didn't do it, and otherwise has never cheated or even came close and is the ideal partner??

Im just confused!


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

He's hooking up. My husband did this for years and never left a trace. He made ONE mistake and that's how he finally got caught. 

Don't believe him for a second. Are you looking up escorts? No. People just don't go looking up escorts for fun.


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## JoJoRider8 (Jun 26, 2014)

Why do you think he's hooking up? Please 2x4 me if necessary, cuz Im just not seeing it.

How was your husband doing it?? And how did you finally catch him?

Are you saying he's just going about it not using the phone or ipad or laptop?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I repeat - Get STD tested. If you have one, there is no question about what he's doing.

When someone is in a serious relationship that they cherish, they just do NOT go looking at escort sites, and if they do, they damned well better admit they have a problem and get help.

If you're convinced you want to stay with this dude then you have GOT to open up this can of worms again and deal with it, once and for all. Tell him it's been eating at you for months and you just cannot marry him with this hanging over your head, and TALK about it. Tell him that this is not something someone does just for a lark, because if he REALLY thinks that way, and DOES have the wool pulled over your eyes about himself, then DO you want to marry him??

My husband spent 9 months cheating on me online, on AFF, Sexsearch, via email, secret cell phone etc and I didn't have a clue. He also hired a street hooker at one point. There is absolutely NO way I would have ever in a million years have believed that he was capable of such a thing, or that he ever even seriously considered it. So yeah, I am kinda jaded about the whole thing, but I just cannot emphasize enough that you have been warned. You are not yet married and have no kids, and you do NOT want to find yourself married with 5 kids in 20 years and THEN find out he's been hiring hookers on and off over the whole time. Believe me, you do NOT want that to happen.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

You found evidence he has contacted hookers via Craigslist. Those particular two didn't respond. That you are aware of anyway. 50/50 shot there.

NEVER EVER LET HIM KNOW YOU SAW THOSE EMAILS. He will move all further activities underground

You noticed 6 months ago he was perusing a call girl website. You now know it is more than curiosity -- he has no problem contacting escorts. You have stumbled upon three instances. How many were deleted, browser history erased? Cash only business, so he will always have deniability, which will drive you nuts.

Continue status quo if you like. I wouldn't marry him and I certainly wouldn't make a child with him. Get tested for STDs twice annually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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