# Husband won't get a steady job



## stardust_x0 (Dec 28, 2011)

Hello all. I am new to this forum. I found this web site after googling marriage forums. I just want to thank anyone who reads this beforehand, just the fact that someone bothered to read my post means a lot.

My husband and I have been together for eight years. We have a five year old son together. My husband has always held a job up until a little over a year ago. This last year has been extremely difficult and painful. I found out last December that my husband had been going to a drug rehab for painkiller addiction. I didn't even know he was on anything. He hid it very well. He has been clean since January and while there are still some trust issues, I know that he isn't back on painkillers just from how he acts now. I feel so stupid to have not even noticed before. Anyway, this whole year has been hard. I got a full-time job & have been carrying our financial burdens most of the year. He does construction work and has been doing his own thing - the problem is that it isn't steady work. It's more like odd jobs here and there. I found out a few weeks ago that I am also pregnant - this happened by accident and was not planned. I was on antibiotics which knocked my birth control out. Needless to say, I am not very happy and have actually been considering having an abortion - a thought that disgusts me but I don't know if I can even stay with my husband anymore. I don't want to bring another child into this mess. I have felt trapped inside of a box this entire year, it has been so hard. More than anything, I am just upset with my husband for not going out and getting a steady job. He seemed to keep steady jobs when he had a pill habit to support, but now it's almost like he's taking it easy. Like I said, more than anything I am just so upset with him. I have told him this and he keeps telling me he is doing the best that he can, and even though he is making money doing construction work, the pay is not steady and he ends up spending out more on jobs than he brings in. I have had to sign up on welfare to feed my child, something that I am not proud of at all. I don't know how my husband can't just sit by and let us live off of welfare and struggle to pay our bills. I cry almost every day over this, I'm to the point where I just want to tell him to leave because I cannot stand being around him at all. When he is at home, I don't even stay in the same room as my husband or I will just go to bed. I have so much resentment in me toward him that I just can't stand to be around him. This is not healthy for my son to see me crying every day and not being affectionate toward his father like I once was. Some days I feel as though I am overreacting, but I guess with this pregnancy I am starting to realize the shape we are really in. I don't know if I can even have this baby. I am very hopeless right now and would appreciate any comments or advice.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I would sit your husband down and tell him exactly what you said in this thread. Print it out and have him read it if you can't tell him verbally. Construction is a depressed industry now, so he has to look for other jobs in retail, service, or transportation.

Print out ads from Monster.com and go over them with him. Have him apply for temporary jobs with Manpower or Kelly Services. He is laying around the house because you are tolerating it. Tell him that he must contribute to your household income in some form.

Can he take out a loan and go to school for a trade? 

If he continues to do nothing, file for divorce. You are better off alone than with a man who takes advantage of you.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

I wouldn't call myself a perfect husband by a long shot - however; as a husband and a father, I CANNOT understand this situation from a man's perspective. Call me old-fashioned, but my role is to be the PROVIDER, to ensure my family is safe, fed, clothed, and sheltered. I cannot wrap my head around married men (especially w/ kids) who sit around or dont bust their ass to ensure they are doing their part. 
Sit your husband down, and talk about this - and give him the ultimatum if you are feeling this negative about your situation together. IF that doesn't do it - you have some hard choices to make.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

just a few things.... he's worked steady for 7 of the 8yrs you've been together and in the last year he's been trying but because of the economy hasn't been stable. So is it his pride that he doesn't want to take work that pays less or is beneath him or is he now lazy ? 

Second..... He was hooked on pain killers but had enuff sense to get help and has been clean for a year. I guess pain killers are a drug if you take like 20 pills a day,,,, has he ever done coke, crank, meth, crack, weed cuz pain pills is kinda just a high school thing.

What I'm trying to say is there must be more to it for you to have so much resentment towards him. Does he just hang around playing video games or something ? Construction payed pretty good are you angry that your not able to have the life you once had and are need of programs now ? I work construction also and have went from 55hrs to 35hrs and have seen of companies go under and guy's let go so I know how scary it is.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> I would sit your husband down and tell him exactly what you said in this thread. Print it out and have him read it if you can't tell him verbally. Construction is a depressed industry now, so he has to look for other jobs in retail, service, or transportation.
> 
> Print out ads from Monster.com and go over them with him. Have him apply for temporary jobs with Manpower or Kelly Services. He is laying around the house because you are tolerating it. Tell him that he must contribute to your household income in some form.
> 
> ...


Well, it certainly doesn't sound like he's spent most of his time taking advantage of her. It does sound like he's going through a personal crisis that probably mimics hers. His just isn't posted here. I don't really understand the strange obsession on this forum with "file for divorce," being the go to standard for people's failures to rapidly fix personality flaws. If I understand this story correctly, this man never cheated. He had a personal problem that is now known and that he fixed on his own accord. He's consistently worked throughout the marriage, and even now, it sounds like the problem is just that he's not stable. Basically, she would like for him to be a better provider. Maybe he should be, but recommending divorce and claiming he's taking advantage of her seems a bit harsh.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My spouse's "issues" have involved unemployment for several years. Now if he was helping out around the house or with the kids that would be one thing. But he parks in front of the tube with a laptop. After years of asking, pleading, begging, my resentment level is out of control. How long do you last.


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## stardust_x0 (Dec 28, 2011)

I think these responses have made me realize that I have been overbearing. =(

No, my husband's work in construction is not steady as it once was; when he isn't working, he is out looking for other jobs and applying elsewhere. I will add that out of at least 20 applications in the last month, only one has called him back. Fast food didn't even return his call. He doesn't stay at home on games or watching the television. He also cooks most of the time. I feel really bad after reading these posts, because I have made him out to sound apparently like someone who does nothing but sit in front of the tv or something... so I have to thank you all for making me realize what my husband DOES do for me every day. He also has signed up to take classes for another trade already... I really feel like crud now... =/ Perhaps my problem is more that I miss the lifestyle that we once had, where we could waste money on junk we really didn't need... I also work in an area with a lot of women whose husbands are either coal miners or work on the railroad and make good money.. guess it just makes me feel bad to know that I have to work to pay bills and not to afford a 500 dollar car payment.


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## stardust_x0 (Dec 28, 2011)

I really want to thank rogergrant for the reply... you made me realize a lot.. I think i'm the one who is being selfish here.. not my husband.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

stardust_x0 said:


> I really want to thank rogergrant for the reply... you made me realize a lot.. I think i'm the one who is being selfish here.. not my husband.


Your welcome. Best of luck. I hope things turn around for both of you soon.


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