# Husband chose OW



## Meri (Dec 12, 2012)

I found out through FB when my husband was still logged in to his account on my laptop that he was having an affair. A message popped up so I read it. "I've never been this happy in my entire life" he says. "I love you and will forever." "I'll call you and text you as soon as I can." etc. etc. We were in another state on a trip with our son when I found this message. Not a pleasant trip. I confronted, he didn't admit it (he didn't have to). When we arrived home he told me he wanted a divorce and he left right then to be with her and he has been with her ever since. That was in April. I filed for divorce in May and go to court soon to finalize. 

Our son is four years old. He is doing much better than he was initially. I have made myself exhausted trying to make sure my son knows how much his dad loves him (since he isn't around like he used to be) and that his dad misses him when he isn't there as well as keeping my STBXH informed of important dates for our son so he doesn't miss anything like parties at his school, programs, etc. 

I am still extremely hurt, devastated, distraught, mortified, angry, betrayed, you name it. I still cry about it when our son goes to bed. I take it out on others (not our son). I just feel like I walk around depressed and dreading everything. It's so hard being in the house we lived in together just as we were while he is out living it up with his new (11 years younger than both of us) girlfriend.

He didn't even try to see our son on Thanksgiving. THAT was a depressing day for me. We are usually surrounded by family and after a short meal with some of my family; I spent most of the day home with our son. He brought the OW to his families (my soon to be ex-family). The only reason I know this is because she posted it on his mother's FB page thanking her for the day. And her profile picture is a picture of her and my husband. Can you not WAIT until we are divorced?? So disgusting! My mom happens to be "friends" with his mom on FB still and I had no idea. My mom was showing me another friend's pictures when I saw that post. Why does that bother me so much!? I don't want it to! FB is evil I tell you! I was having a fairly good day until I saw that.

I just can't seem to stop feeling sorry for myself and being sad about my son not growing up with an intact family. I can't get past this and I really want to. It's debilitating. I eat right, take care of myself, work out, etc. etc. but I am still just in a funk that I can't seem to come out of. THANK GOD for our son because when I am with him there is nothing in the world that could make me sad. But when he goes to bed at night or when I am at work I just can't get it together. I'm depressed. 

Will I ever understand why?? I sure won't ever find out from my STBXH. He still has yet to admit anything. It's so hard watching him leave knowing where he is going. It's hard being nice to him. It's hard having to see him. I am sure they are ready to celebrate the best New Year’s Eve ever when he is divorced and done with me. Mutual friends have abandoned me which didn't help my self-esteem one bit. The ex-family doesn't even acknowledge our son! It's so sad and depressing and I just can't get past how this man I was with for so long could do this to me. How'd I become the bad guy in all this? I guess I will never understand. I just don't want to care anymore and I do. I hate that I still love him. 

I guess I just needed to vent. I know there is no answer - or maybe there is - but I don't think I will ever know. My STBXH was never a communicator. I know I deserve better but I still can't seem to get over it. Maybe I just need some encouragement or some advice on how to get past it. I really don't know what I need.  It just sucks that I am the only one (because he clearly isn’t) mourning the divorce and loss of a spouse.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

What a sleazeball. Of course any man who cheats on his wife is and vice versa. "I've never been this happy in my entire life" & "I love you and will forever" is something I would expect a 16 yr old to say. 

He's not using his brain to think here. Trust me.

I feel like I'm the only one mourning the loss of my marriage as well. I'm glad my ex can run around with her new boyfriend on a new honeymoon romance and shrug off any vows or commitments she made and be happy while I suffer through this misery. So excited I can be of use at the bottom of her shoe. 

That by the way is sarcasm.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Your story hits home with me. I have a three year old girl and a six year old boy who I love more than anything. I do not think we'll ever find the answer as to why. The whole idea of being a single father is frightning to me. My ex shows no remorse and seems happy to be free of us "the family". 

I will say this. You and I both deserve someone who understands and appreciates what family is. My wife is too selfish and I expect your hubby is the same. Their needs first then everyone else. Blame someone else for their abhorrent behavior. 

However, there are people like us out there; we just have to find on another. So chin up try to be happy and be the best Mommy you can be.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

block him on Facebook and anyone else that you don't want to see. That way you can go on Facebook and not worry about seeing anything you don't care to see or something that will upset you.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

im sorry, but it does get better with time. I also have a 4yr old son and an exh who cheated, i filed for divorce the day he left us for the OW (13 yrs younger). I have been divorced since may and still have my occasional down days but for the most part, im actually happier than when we were togther.. You may never find out the why's but at this point focus and yourself and son. There is also nothing wrong with seeing your dr about antidepressants if you need them, helped me thru the hardest times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Meri (Dec 12, 2012)

Thank you SO much to each of you that responded. Each of your responses have helped me. I am so tired of crying and letting them get the best of me. I'm sorry for each of your struggles as well. I just don't want to hurt anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

{{{HUGS}}} Sorry you are going through this. The holidays are particularly hard. Don't let this destroy you. In your heart, you know you deserve much better than this. The OW is getting what she so richly deserves--she is getting an unfaithful husband.

I cannot understand why the in-laws are condoning such behavior out of their son. Furthermore, I can't see how your mother can remain friends with these folks. That baffles me.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

It has been two months ago today when I discovered the EA/PA. It still hurts. Probably will remain a scar on my heart forever. Just accept that there are some things that cannot be changed or fixed. Focus on you and your son and things will slowly get better.
So sorry you had to join the TAM club.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> What a sleazeball. Of course any man who cheats on his wife is and vice versa. "I've never been this happy in my entire life" & "I love you and will forever" is something I would expect a 16 yr old to say.
> 
> He's not using his brain to think here. Trust me.
> 
> ...



yea thats how i feel , it's insane.
she just rang me up before to see if i wanted to buy her friends air con. as if i'm just anyone else.
they're running round town meeting for coffees and drp[ ins , going to movies , having a great old time lifes just f'n fantastic it seems. she's shopping with new guy , it's f'h surreal.
2 mths ago she moved out , after 18yrs together .
can not get my head around them all acting like that.
although she did say the other day , l haven;t even mourned you and me yet - doesn't seem to b stopping her though.
l need a yr or two now , l don't feel like ANYTHING!

SURELY , acting like that so soon has to catch up with them later , surely.
the self centered friends i can sort of understand but not the rest.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

meri said:


> i found out through fb when my husband was still logged in to his account on my laptop that he was having an affair. what a lowlife a message popped up so i read it. "i've never been this happy in my entire life" he says. "i love you and will forever." "i'll call you and text you as soon as i can." etc. Etc. We were in another state on a trip with our son when i found this message. Not a pleasant trip. I confronted, he didn't admit it (he didn't have to). When we arrived home he told me he wanted a divorce and he left right then to be with her and he has been with her ever since. That was in april. I filed for divorce in may and go to court soon to finalize.
> 
> Our son is four years old. He is doing much better than he was initially. I have made myself exhausted trying to make sure my son knows how much his dad loves him (since he isn't around like he used to be) and that his dad misses him when he isn't there as well as keeping my stbxh informed of important dates for our son so he doesn't miss anything like parties at his school, programs, etc.
> 
> ...


 you will get past it in time. You will never forget what he did but you will move to a place in yourself where you are ok


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## Meri (Dec 12, 2012)

827Aug said:


> {{{HUGS}}} Sorry you are going through this. The holidays are particularly hard. Don't let this destroy you. In your heart, you know you deserve much better than this. The OW is getting what she so richly deserves--she is getting an unfaithful husband.
> 
> I cannot understand why the in-laws are condoning such behavior out of their son. Furthermore, I can't see how your mother can remain friends with these folks. That baffles me.


Everyone in his family is with someone other than the person they were married to first. Every single one of them! I'll be the first in my family to divorce.  Clearly we have a different set of values. 

My mom is FB "friends" with her. Honestly it's probably because my mom just wants to see what she's up to. My mom is just as disgusted as I. The day I filed for divorce his mom deleted me on FB. Guess she didn't want to see pictures of her grandson anymore because that's pretty much all I share on there. Her page is loaded with pictures and posts of her other grandchildren (all out of wedlock and from different women (my brother in laws kids + a step one). Ugh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Meri (Dec 12, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Meri (Dec 12, 2012)

Brokenbythis - sorry for what you are going through. I'll never understand why the mutual friends made ME out to be the bad guy just as his family did. But then again, Lord only knows what he's told them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

meri....
Im sorry you are hurting.

Dont let one man and his willy determine your happiness darling girl.


You and your son are worth more dont you think?

Time to get on with letting him go.

huggs

love and peace


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## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

Don't bother trying to figure out why, cheating was his decision and not your fault. Look to the future. As for your son, just focus on loving him, don't talk bad about his dad to him, but only promote him to soothe your little guy's questions. It's the jerk-face's responsibilty to tell his son he loves him, not yours.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why? because like all marriages yours had a few cracks. They might not have been big. Or they might have been big. But instead of working on keeping a healthy marriage he chose to cheat.

It's him. He is a seriously flawed person.

His relationship with the OW will most likely fail. Then he will move on to the next one that will fail. That's him.

Why not go to a doctor and get some meds to get yourself over this hump? It's been months now.. you need the help. You son needs you to get to a better place.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Meri..so sorry about your situation. Mine is similiar like so many on here. I agree with Elegirl: this is HIS problem, not yours.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Meri said:


> Everyone in his family is with someone other than the person they were married to first. Every single one of them! I'll be the first in my family to divorce.  Clearly we have a different set of values.


 Well all relationships eventually leave the honeymoon phase and hit bumps in the road. Its the couples who work through these low points and build a stronger connection to each other who become more intimate and ultimately end up happier. The type of people who just run when the going gets tough will do so many times in their lives and never really make a connection to anyone. Usually they end up being/feeling all alone and full of regrets.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Meri said:


> Everyone in his family is with someone other than the person they were married to first. Every single one of them! I'll be the first in my family to divorce.  Clearly we have a different set of values.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, my STBXW has several people in her family divorced...one is divorcing now because of her infidelity...shocker. I am not the first in my family, my parents did after 30 years of a miserable marriage. But i wanted to work on our "cracks", she wants to run away. Its not your fault....its his..dont reflect this back on you.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

get off FB, no good can come of it

I defriended him after he posted about his girlfriend being his soulmate. He had the cheek to ask why I'd done it

It will get better but it's hard when you don't know why - I still don't but have managed to move on. Look after yourself and your kid now, you can't waste time wondering - his new relationship will go the same way, sounds like he's a 'cut and run' person


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

That was the first thing I did was block my ex on FB. Now she can't see me and I'm not tempted to look at her profile because she won't even come up in a search when blocked.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

well I didn't and I used to get annoyed every time I saw a new post about what a 'fabby' life he was leading

except he was still texting me about how depressed he was, and I realised how fake an FB profile is. I didn't post one word about my divorce on mine, who does that anyway?

my mum was still on his page because she's a nosy parker but we're all defriended now. And despite his mum being in tears saying she couldn't 'lose' my D, she's spoken to her about three times in 9 months and hasn't even bothered to send us a Xmas card. Out of sight out of mind I guess. Not that I'm complaining


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

I have not yet blocked my ex...and was considering keeping it to share kid pics and info...but...i am thinking of blocking her like you all have. Did you all block the ex family too? I dont know if she has even told them yet about our impeding divorce....wants to wait until after xmas...not sure.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> well I didn't and I used to get annoyed every time I saw a new post about what a 'fabby' life he was leading
> 
> except he was still texting me about how depressed he was, and I realised how fake an FB profile is. I didn't post one word about my divorce on mine, who does that anyway?
> 
> my mum was still on his page because she's a nosy parker but we're all defriended now. And despite his mum being in tears saying she couldn't 'lose' my D, she's spoken to her about three times in 9 months and hasn't even bothered to send us a Xmas card. Out of sight out of mind I guess. Not that I'm complaining


Yeah, im curious to see what my ex inlaws will do. I was my MIL's "son she never had"....see if blood is thicker than water...lol


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

yeah I was the daughter she never had - I've seen her once in 9 months. She never phones, I've always had to phone her. So I think 2013 will be my 'screw you' year


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

I have to be patient...if noone from my ex family even texts me after she tells them....yeah...might put some interesting quotes on FB and let them know how crappy they are...

So, we divorce because you buy the STBXW story, and i am just written off? hmm...guess i was never really "family".

In my case they are 4 hours away....no loss...


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