# Coming up on 12 years of marriage



## lostangel78

Ok, folks I'm going to be completely open and honest here. My whole relationship wiht my husband started off with just sex. I first met my hubby when I was 12 and we hated each other in teh beginning but we met up in high school and wow do people change. I was 17 when we started dating October 29,1995 it wasn't supposed to lead to anything serious...just sex. Due to my upbringing I had a serious trust issue with men, my father molested me when I was 9, my step father was in and out of my life when he wanted to be there, my first infatuation dump me for my tramp neighbor (and I say tramp because she really was). OK so now you see why it was just sex....but 3 weeks later he asked me to marry him. WOW! And I said yes. We were married (against everyone saying we would never make it past 3 years) July 18,1997. I have always heard that when you meet the one you are supposed to be with it's like a a billion butterflies in your stomach well that's a bunch of junk. Never had the butterflies. We fought about everything for the first 5 years. I tried to leave him several times I even swore he was cheating on even though he wasn't ( it's a trust issue ). He used to always ask me to just trust him with all my heart and soul but I was scared but after 8 years of marrieage and being together for 11 years and he never once cheated or did anything to hurt me I finally decied to trust him with 100% of what I have and guess what....things have never been better. We argue every once in a blue moon but we are really really happy. We have 4 great kids. I truly feel like I am on cloud nine. I never thought trusting someone could make such a difference but it does and I have never been happier.


----------



## MarkTwain

lostangel78-

Great story. I think you are absolutly right about the butterfly thing. A good marriage takes work. Not hard work, just commitment to being in the real world and realising what a privilege it is to have another human being to share your life with.


----------



## GAsoccerman

Lost Angel...

Great story, glad you were able to finally trust him, doesn't it feel great?

When you have trust, communication, and compromise....wellt hen life is great.

Glad your hubby was strong enough to keep it together, he is a special man and he must really love you.

Kudo's!


----------



## Guest

3 WEEKS?!

Bloomin heck, are you _sure_ you didn't feel a billion butterflies in your stomach to know you wanted to marry this man after 3 weeks?

But yes, you are right, even if you do feel butterflies at first, one day the butterflies will be gone with the wind and then you have to make a choice, do you stick around with this person or do you run after those butterflies?

Sounds like you made the right choice - kudos! :smthumbup:


----------



## lostangel78

Thanks Alex, I don't know 100% why I just blurted out yes, it just happened and now almost 12 years later I am so glad I said yes.


----------



## MarriageBuilder

Thanks LostAngel78!

What a wonderful story.

So what's the secrets to a long happy marriage besides trust.

Care to share some tips?


----------



## revitalizedhusband

This story kind of reminds me a little about my wife and I, minus the premarital sex.

My wife and I grew up in church and both planned on being virgins when we got married. 

She was dating a guy who eventually got mad she wouldn't "give it up" so he just raped her instead. She grew up in even a MUCH more conservative home than I did and she had ZERO sex education at that point. She honestly thought (her parents never knew she was raped) that she had to marry this guy because she had "sex" with him.

Eventually, after a few months of him raping her again and again, she had enough and didn't care anymore if she wasn't a "virgin" when she got married and dumped the bastard. Add into the situation that he cheated on her kind of repeatedly as well.

So, needless to say she had some MAJOR intimacy and trust issues when we first started dating and got married. 

The trust issues were so bad, when we were first married if we went to an amusement park (roller coastes, etc) in the summer and I had sun glasses on (because it was sunny) she's accuse me of looking at all the girls in bikini tops, etc. If I was even 5 minutes later than she thought it would take me to get home from college/work (I was in college when we got married) she was upset thinking I was out on her.

That was just her trust issues, her intimacy issues were even worse. She cried for 30 minutes the first time we had sex (wedding night), and not because it hurt. She didn't have her first orgasm from sex for the first 5 years of our marriage because of the intimacy issues.

Once we worked through all of that together, the last few years of our marraige has been amazing, and yes, the first couple years we fought a lot.


----------

