# Mid-Life Crisis outcome?



## southbound

For those who have either experienced a mid life crisis or known someone who has, what has been the outcome? My wife has asked for a divorce after 18 years of marriage because she says she is not happy. If this is a mid-life crisis, what could be the outcome. Could she actually grab onto something after our divorce and actually be happy to the ripe old age of 100, or could there come a time, whether it be in a short while or later in life, that she says "OOps, I am now back to normal and see I made a mistake; I wasn't as unhappy as I thought I was."


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## swedish

I think either scenerio is possible, depending on what she does going forward regarding her current unhappiness. I was with my ex for 20 years, married for 12 and was just spent with working full time in a demanding career, caring for our 3 kids and feeling that my ex was as much work as another child and very impatient with the kids & completely disconnected from me. His interests were retreating to the basement to be away from us and doing things outside the home without us whenever the chance arose.

I never felt that ending the marriage was a mistake. He made many promises in marriage counselling that I was very leary he would fulfill and he ended up remarrying 2 months after we divorced and quickly went back to his previous lifestyle. I did wonder if I'd ever meet someone that could be a true partner and make me feel loved, but I was more worried about my kids adjustment to the divorce.

I have been remarried for 9+ years and am very happy...although we've also had our share of bumps, we are a well-suited pair 

My ex is also still married, with a step-son and daughter together & his wife seems to be more tolerant with him than I was. Again, they seem to be a better match for one another.

Life is too short to be miserable, but the reason so many 2nd marriages fail is that the person leaves the marriage to find happiness from another & don't address the underlying cause of their unhappiness.


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## nice777guy

My wife has just finished going through a 'transitional stage' that I think was at least part mid-life crisis.

She never said she wanted a divorce, but she did request a "trial" separation that lasted for almost a year.

She has finally said that what she was doing wasn't making her happy. There are some things in her life that she needs to fix that she was just kind of running from. And she finally realized that she needed help from me and her family (who did not approve of her behavior) to make things better in her life again.

She came out of the fog - so it IS possible that your wife will wake-up. But I must also say that I was VERY patient for the last 18 months. A big part of what I think helped us turn the corner was that I started to do things that showed her I was ready to let her go. As long as I was chasing after her, she had no incentive to change. But once I started creating distance and showing less interest in her, I think she got a bit scared.


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## southbound

nice777guy said:


> My wife has just finished going through a 'transitional stage' that I think was at least part mid-life crisis.
> 
> She never said she wanted a divorce, but she did request a "trial" separation that lasted for almost a year.
> 
> She has finally said that what she was doing wasn't making her happy. There are some things in her life that she needs to fix that she was just kind of running from. And she finally realized that she needed help from me and her family (who did not approve of her behavior) to make things better in her life again.
> 
> She came out of the fog - so it IS possible that your wife will wake-up. But I must also say that I was VERY patient for the last 18 months. A big part of what I think helped us turn the corner was that I started to do things that showed her I was ready to let her go. As long as I was chasing after her, she had no incentive to change. But once I started creating distance and showing less interest in her, I think she got a bit scared.



That sounds like a good plan. My problem is that my wife does want a divorce and it will be final in around 10 weeks, so I don't have much time for her to snap out of it. We are seperated and I have stopped chasing.


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## nice777guy

Try posting in the Considering Divorce and Separation forum. You could call it "How to delay a divorce." You might be past that point for you, but I know I've seen people type up some steps for putting it off before.

And I'm sure you'll get some good tips on how to handle things right now to make sure you don't push her further away.

Is there another man? What do you think she's chasing after, or running from?

I've been married 15 years. My wife got her nursing degree about 2.5 years ago, and then became ill with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. For about a year she was very depressed. Then she started getting attention from guys on Facebook and through the internet. Then she started texting. These guys kind of built up her self esteem by making her feel wanted, but what she needs to do is find a way to deal with her Fibro and CFS and begin to build her self esteem back up in more healthy ways.

Try the Considering Divorce and Separation forum - it gets a lot more activity then this section of the board. Or, if there's another man, the Infidelity section also has a lot of active posters.

Good luck!


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## KRinOnt

nice777guy said:


> Try posting in the Considering Divorce and Separation forum. You could call it "How to delay a divorce." You might be past that point for you, but I know I've seen people type up some steps for putting it off before.
> 
> And I'm sure you'll get some good tips on how to handle things right now to make sure you don't push her further away.
> 
> Is there another man? What do you think she's chasing after, or running from?
> 
> I've been married 15 years. My wife got her nursing degree about 2.5 years ago, and then became ill with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. For about a year she was very depressed. Then she started getting attention from guys on Facebook and through the internet. Then she started texting. These guys kind of built up her self esteem by making her feel wanted, but what she needs to do is find a way to deal with her Fibro and CFS and begin to build her self esteem back up in more healthy ways.
> 
> Try the Considering Divorce and Separation forum - it gets a lot more activity then this section of the board. Or, if there's another man, the Infidelity section also has a lot of active posters.
> 
> Good luck!


Wow. My wife has FM as well. She won't take any meds. She was originally prescribed an antidepressant, but when she stopped taking it....bye-bye.


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## nice777guy

Sorry to hear that KR. My wife putting distance between me, the kids, her own family, old friends, you name it. But she kept close enough - emotionally and physically - that we always knew we had some kind of chance. And I KNEW the things she went chasing after would not solve any of her problems. Just took her a little longer to figure it out.


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## southbound

JANUARY 17:

Now that some time has passed, i would like to revisit this a bit. A lot of people tell me that my wife will some day regret divorcing me. they say they don't think she will ever find a man that will treat her as well as I did, although I'm sure she would laugh at that now.

Also, people say when reality sets in, such as paying the bills alone, taking care of tasks that I normally would have done, and seeing the effect it has on the kids, she will regret it.

My wife says she has no feelings for me anymore. She said she didn't feel like I loved her because I didn't want to do things she wanted to.

So, will regret be as likely for someone who says they no longer love you? If she marries a heel, could that cause her to see that maybe I wasn't so bad after all?


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## Deejo

I realize that it's a bit late in your case, but, I don't know if anyone has previously referred you to this?
Walkaway Wife Syndrome

Yes she will likely feel regret at some point. Regret that you were hurt, regret at what was lost, but ... if she was unhappy and unfulfilled enough to initiate the divorce, does it really matter?

If she has personal issues that she chooses to ignore, they will likely hamper her efforts in ANY relationship regardless of her partner. 

I understand your interest, I have had the same when it comes to my ex - but it's for them to figure out. Trying to 'fix' someone is a fool's errand.


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## southbound

Deejo said:


> I realize that it's a bit late in your case, but, I don't know if anyone has previously referred you to this?
> Walkaway Wife Syndrome
> 
> Yes she will likely feel regret at some point. Regret that you were hurt, regret at what was lost, but ... if she was unhappy and unfulfilled enough to initiate the divorce, does it really matter?
> 
> If she has personal issues that she chooses to ignore, they will likely hamper her efforts in ANY relationship regardless of her partner.
> 
> I understand your interest, I have had the same when it comes to my ex - but it's for them to figure out. Trying to 'fix' someone is a fool's errand.



No, it doesn't really matter now. I just don't want to make the same mistake again, and i guess it's just a point of interest for me now. I've always been interested in what makes people tick anyway, so I'm just looking to understand.


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