# Please help me understand him



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

H left last July and moved in with his mother. Said he had to see if he could do it on his own. Besides other issues in our marriage, money was always a big one. Never had enough, never had a savings. Never took family vacations or even long weekends away. We basically lived paycheck to paycheck. A few months after he left we split up our money, he has his own checking/savings, me-my own. We also split the bills down the middle. We have no formal separation agreement (I know, I know, we should have one). I've taken the hands off approach, since this was all his idea I've felt that he should be the one to do the work and put the thing together and I'd see if I agreed to it. He's adamant about doing this ourselves as we have no money to hire lawyers or seek any kind of counsel. Now that we're almost 8 months into our separation (law in our state requireds a 12 month separation period) he seems to be more and more short with me and the only thing I can think of is that it's about money. We have a DD in college who will need more of our help next year and I'm not willing to take out another loan in my name. He's deadset against taking a loan out in his name to help with her living expenses. Everytime we get on the discussion about money, he blows up saying he needs to have a life and that he can't live at his mothers forever and that he's not going to be able to help out in the capacity that he is now. We own our home which he is basically walking away from. Doesn't want any of the profit from it when it comes time to sell. He wants me to assume the loan (his name only on the mortgage) which I have neither the income or credit score to do. I believe he wants me to take over all the bills as well since he's giving me the home. He doesn't want me to sell the house until after our youngest is out of high school (2 more years) because he doesn't want to disrupt his life or friendships. I am in total agreement with that. I'm just confused as to how he thinks this is all going to work.

Might I add that he seems to be doing alot better financially than I am. He goes out with friends all the time, is planning a long weekend trip soon and I know he's got savings. He pays no rent or utilities in his current living situation. Other than the fact that he's living with his mother, I think he's got it made.

Pardon me if this is a repeat post. I may have touched on this briefly earlier, but can't find my old post to see if anyone had replied.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Start talking to a lawyer, and learn your rights (and responsibilities). If you can't talk to a lawyer, go to your family law courthouse and see about legal aid. Or see if a local university that offers law degrees can help. Or google to find your rights.

Around here (Canada), child support is driven in a straightforward table based on how custody is split, number of kids, and income. And that obligation continues throughout college as well. It doesn't matter if one of you is living rent free while the other has a mortgage. And it can't be negotiated away, as it's support for the children, not the parents. And the parents can't give away the kids money.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## myfirsthissecond (Jan 6, 2013)

I wish I could give you advice all I can say is <hugs>


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

You need an attorney.

It sounds like you've got plenty of equity in the home, you may need to tap into it to pay your legal fees. 

The time to sit and do nothing is long since passed.


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