# He wants a divorce



## hopefadingfast (Nov 28, 2009)

My h of 10 years wants a divorce. He is going through some things and has apparently been unhappy for some time. Apparently he dosen't really know what it means to be in love although he knows that he will always love me. I have given up on talking to him about reconciling and although we still live in the same house we are only connectd by our children. We are putting off one of us leaving until after the holidays and our daughters bday. I don't know how to deal with all these emotions. I'm hurt because I thought I could count on him. It's been a rough year dealing with the loss of my Dad, my Grandma and my job. I'm angry because he apprently is a good liar and has been lying to me for years about how he feels about me. I feel so betrayed. He tells me that there isn't anyone else but I find myself second guessing everything he does. I mean apparently he is a really good liar. I'm just looking for some guidance on how to handle it. I don't have many people that I can talk to. I hate to dump anymore on my Mom. She has had to deal with enough this year. Please help.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Hope fading. I am so sorry that your going through this. It is a very painful thing to hear that the person you trusted with everything doesnt want to be your partner anymore. My husband told me the same thing two months ago and it has been filled with more emotions than I ever thought I could have. Take care of yourself, dont feel bad about any feeling you are having because your gonna have them all. The holidays are hard to begin with especially after you have dealt with loss of your family members. Take it a day at a time and keep posting on here for encouragement and advice because everyone on here is struggling with finding a healthy way to deal with their pain and they have alot of good suggestions. I wish I had advice but alot of others will. My prayers are with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyminvrsatsfd (Nov 28, 2009)

You are gonna have to ride this painful wave out. Its going to sting for a while too. Word of advise from someone thats been there, always listen to your gut feelings. I read your other posts and youre obviously not quick to assume and become paranoid. And he is telling you a bunch of contradicting statements. You need to just prepare yourself...Listen to what he says carefully, make a plan of things that need to happen if he does leave, and dont take drastic steps...but take small unnoticeable steps. For example, start looking for a job, separate bank account, list things you have to keep, you can share, or that he can have. If it doesnt happen, youll have a delightful feeling, but if it does happen, it wont be as devastating and overwhelming....cause some litlle things were thought through. You will feel more in control. Right now, that helpless, out of control feeling, is huge. Taking control of little things you can control will help decrease that. Good luck...and vent on here, journal, scream obscenities into your pillow...do whatever you have to in order to get through. :0(


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## hopefadingfast (Nov 28, 2009)

I can't thank you both enough for your response. It helps to know that I'm not alone. I've spent tonight checking into apartments and estimating how much I will need to live on. I just can't stay here in this house. It's full of broken promises and dreams that will never come to be. I'm trying so hard to keep it together for my kids. Thanks again.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You need to find out what is really going on. There more likely than not is another woman involved. Keylogger on the computer, check his phone calls and texting.

He's also likely not been "lying all along". People leaving relationship tend to rewrite the history of the relationship to suit their newer purpose.

So when you're together and things are good, you're his very nice wife. When he's leaving you for someone else, you're his x-wife that be tired very hard to make things work with, but you were just too crazy, so he had to leave. See how that works?


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## hopefadingfast (Nov 28, 2009)

We have had some very open and honest conversations and I just can't see him cheating. Maybe he is and I am just fooling myself. I just don't think so.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hi hopefadingfast,
I feel for you, what you thought were the things you could trust you no longer can, I feel the same in my situation, it feels like we never really knew who they were. I find it breaks my heart, give yourself time to get used to the idea, I know you feel alone, so do I. We have ourself esteem and our self respect all the things the people you lost instilled in you......
sometimes they don't know what they had till they lose it, in the meantime, work on yourself and take it hour by hour if you have to. Look forward to being a grandma and only see what is positive, even if they are the smallest things each day.....it gets better with time, good luck honey, post here lots of us here to help


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## hopefadingfast (Nov 28, 2009)

Thanks Jessi. I appreciate your words of encouragment. I am taking everything everyone says to heart and really thinking about things. Whyimnvrsatsfd advice has been the most helpful. Just taking control of the things I can has done wonders for me today. I have a couple of really good prospects on a real job. In the mean time, I'll keep working my pt job to save some money. Tonight will be a real test. Our daughter is at my Moms and our son has a bday sleepover to go to tonight. We are supposed to set down and wrap the kids gifts. We haven't been truly alone in some time. I'm afraid that I'll develop diarhea of the mouth and just let him have it. God knows there is a part of me that is just dying to scream and yell at him. It's just not my normal nature. Keep your fingers crossed for me.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

hopefadingfast said:


> Thanks Jessi. I appreciate your words of encouragment. I am taking everything everyone says to heart and really thinking about things. Whyimnvrsatsfd advice has been the most helpful. Just taking control of the things I can has done wonders for me today. I have a couple of really good prospects on a real job. In the mean time, I'll keep working my pt job to save some money. Tonight will be a real test. Our daughter is at my Moms and our son has a bday sleepover to go to tonight. We are supposed to set down and wrap the kids gifts. We haven't been truly alone in some time. I'm afraid that I'll develop diarhea of the mouth and just let him have it. God knows there is a part of me that is just dying to scream and yell at him. It's just not my normal nature. Keep your fingers crossed for me.



Open with "If you don't tell me what is really going on, I'm just going to assume you're cheating on me". Then wait and see his reaction.

It's really unusual for a man to leave a woman, without another one somewhere in the picture.

I can always be wrong though.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Im afraid I have to agree with atholk on this one only from personal experience. I finally had to snoop and hide a recorder because mine just came out of the blue like one just I dont want to be married to you anymore. When your wrapping tonight its gonna take all your strength not to let him have it. If I had a dollar for everytime I went through that. Just dont even bring it up and if he brings it up just act like your ok either way he decides. It took me two months to get that attitude. You are in a vulnerable posistion right now. Dont let him control it. He has enough control already. Ill be praying for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hopefadingfast (Nov 28, 2009)

I'll take all the help I can get in any form. I'm living on your prayers and advice at this point. He has told me point blank on more than on occassion that there isn't anyone else but I can't help the doubts that creep in. I feel like even though there isn't any hope for our marriage I have still been putting his needs before my own. And I'm PO! And what ticks me off the most is that even though he's hurting me so much I still love him. Please pray for me to have some strength tonight as I will need it.


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