# feeling depressed



## noideawhattodo33 (Oct 20, 2013)

I have been married for 9 years. I love my wife and kids more then anything. We used to have sex 4-5 times a month but that has stopped. I know she masturbates which is fine but its hard on me knowing that we haven't had sex now for 4 or 5 months. I don't even remember really the last time we had sex. I feel depressed and i'm always feeling like she is doing stuff on the side. I don't understand if you can masturbate and watch porn you can't have any interest in your husband. I would normally never post on these things but I don't know what to do.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Start investigating and do the research to find the real problem in the marriage.

Quitely look into your wife and don't think of asking her until you have real proof of what is infecting the marriage.

Sometimes its booze or pills, sometimes its her health, most often then not its a toxic friend that is hanging out with your wife and sharing in each others missery.

At the end of the day you have to know the enemy and work a plan to fight for your marriage so if its unhealthy friendships or drug abuse, or even another man...you owe it to your self to get to the bottom of it and confront your wife with facts.

In order to have an effective confrontation you need to know exactly what you are confronting.

It sucks to go all James Bond on your old lady but that is the 1st step in finding the root of the problem. A problem she may be to ashamed to talk about to you.

So go get some spy gear and find out if your chick is using or screwing around or just went mental......

Have you looked at her bank statements, maybe she is going to the doctors more then before. She could be sick?


----------



## noideawhattodo33 (Oct 20, 2013)

I wish I could talk to her more about this. She will get mad and go to another room and lock the door, I have tried believe me. I don't think she would ever cheat on me. We have been through a lot of stuff and she would never do that.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

noideawhattodo33 said:


> I wish I could talk to her more about this. She will get mad and go to another room and lock the door, I have tried believe me. I don't think she would ever cheat on me. We have been through a lot of stuff and she would never do that.


Wish I had a penny for all the times that I have read the highlighted statement. Unfortunately, anyone can cheat. Even people who you think never would. 

The first thing you have to do is vigorously investigate. It will effect how you handle this. 

Other posters will tell you the most effective ways to find out. Don't make any assumptions. Find out what is going on by exploring every possibility.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

noideawhattodo33 said:


> I have been married for 9 years. I love my wife and kids more then anything. We used to have sex 4-5 times a month but that has stopped. I know she masturbates which is fine but its hard on me knowing that we haven't had sex now for 4 or 5 months. I don't even remember really the last time we had sex. I feel depressed and i'm always feeling like she is doing stuff on the side. I don't understand if you can masturbate and watch porn you can't have any interest in your husband. I would normally never post on these things but I don't know what to do.



No sex in the last 4 to 5 months?

See if she's having an emotional affair EA or physical affair PA.

As your wife, she can't kill the sex and think the marriage will be just fine. She is to take care of your sexual needs, instead of nothing and only relieving herself.

If she isn't cheating, find out what porn she is viewing. What really turns her on?

Surprise her and do that with her.......see what happens then.

For example. What if she wants anal sex and you find it gross? So she views anal porn. What if you like foot jobs and she finds it creepy? So you view foot porn?

Have either of you gained unwanted weight?


----------



## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

You dont state your ages or if you both work. There is usually a reason for this, why a wife goes off you and not necessarily of your making. You have to think back of how it started.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

She might be having sex with someone else, she might not be having sex with someone else. No way to know for sure unless you start digging. 

But does it even matter? I mean, of course it matters to some extent but what's even more important is that she isn't having sex with YOU and she doesn't want to. 

Can you live the rest of your life like this?

I sure couldn't.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's getting something out of the marriage or she'd be gone. Figure out what that is and cut it down to a bare trickle. If you have joint accounts, close them. To get what she wants, she has to get interested in what you want. Your pain doesn't interest her even slightly. Her pain would interest her. You're rewarding behavior you don't want.


----------



## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

How old are you & your wife? Your kids?
How many kids?

Do you both work?

Has there been any significant changes in your lives recently? 

How do you know for sure that she masturbates? 

I know a poster mention porn, but I didn't see that in your first post. Do you know for sure she watches porn?


----------



## noideawhattodo33 (Oct 20, 2013)

notmarriedyet said:


> How old are you & your wife? Your kids?
> How many kids?
> 
> Do you both work?
> ...


We our 31 and 32. 2 kids. Young. I know she watches porn because I caught her and she told me herself.


----------



## eguchijw (Oct 21, 2013)

We have been through a lot of stuff and she would never do that.


----------

