# Need to Woo her again ... I need ideas from the Ladies



## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Long story, but I am trying to make up for some big time mistakes with my gal. She is giving me a chance to start over. 

Help, I am not the most thoughtful guy and not too original. What would you LADIES love to see your guy do to woo you. To romance you? 

I need simple, easy to pull off stuff


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It depends on what she is like. Describe her.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Right. It doesn't really matter what WE like. But if you describe her, maybe we could throw out some ideas for you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

loverguy said:


> Long story, but I am trying to make up for some big time mistakes with my gal. She is giving me a chance to start over.
> 
> Help, I am not the most thoughtful guy and not too original. What would you LADIES love to see your guy do to woo you. To romance you?
> 
> I need simple, easy to pull off stuff


Do you live together?


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## Rasputin (Jul 26, 2015)

loverguy said:


> I need simple, easy to pull off stuff


And herein lies your first mistake. How about "whatever it takes to do it right"? Prove to her that she's worth your effort.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Why don't you ask her? "What can I do to make things right with you?"


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

It depends what the "mistakes" were.

That's like asking a mechanic, "I need to make my car right, what can I do to make her purr like she used to?" Answer: "hell if I know, what did you do to it?" or "what is broken?"


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

loverguy said:


> Long story, but I am trying to make up for some big time mistakes with my gal. She is giving me a chance to start over.
> 
> Help, I am not the most thoughtful guy and not too original. What would you LADIES love to see your guy do to woo you. To romance you?
> 
> I need simple, easy to pull off stuff


All the wooing and romance in the world won't make up for being dishonest, untrustworthy, or unreliable. If any of those things is at issue, then what you need to be concerned with most is not sweeping her off her feet, but rather being a consistently good partner that she can rely on over time. There is no quick fix for broken trust.


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## RubyRing (Jun 13, 2016)

loverguy said:


> Long story, but I am trying to make up for some big time mistakes with my gal. She is giving me a chance to start over.
> 
> Help, I am not the most thoughtful guy and not too original. What would you LADIES love to see your guy do to woo you. To romance you?
> 
> I need simple, easy to pull off stuff


I have not read all the replies, and many here have made the point that unless we know what "mistakes" you have made we can't be much help. Another good point is to ask HER what you can do to make things right.

But I do commend you for admitting that you made some mistakes and wanting to make it right.

But this really is something you and your gal need to discuss. You can start by telling her you really appreciate the second chance. Perhaps the 2 of you could read "The 5 Love Languages" and make this a journey of discovery for both of you to strengthen your relationship.

If her love languages is physical touch (non-sexual affection) and someone here who's primary love language is giving gifts tells you to buy her roses, the gesture could fall flat. If she wants more non-sexual affection and you give her a gift, she might appreciate the gift, but she would still crave more physical affection. (Just throwing this out as an example, I really have no idea what "mistake" you made, and what she wants from you)

You would also benefit from taking the love languages test together, as while you are learning about her primary love languages, she will have an opportunity to learn about yours.

BTW, if the "mistake" you made was cheating on her, this is more than a mistake, it's a breach of trust. Many relationships have survived infidelity, but it's not an easy fix. That will require much more work, and the answers to that won't be found on an online chat board.

Good luck to you !


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

loverguy said:


> Long story, but I am trying to make up for some big time mistakes with my gal. She is giving me a chance to start over.
> 
> Help, I am not the most thoughtful guy and not too original. What would you LADIES love to see your guy do to woo you. To romance you?
> 
> I need simple, easy to pull off stuff



It depends on the type things she likes. However, actions speak louder than words. So, whatever you say you're going to do, DO IT!


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Nothing is working. She's so hurt from my mistakes.


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## Rasputin (Jul 26, 2015)

loverguy said:


> Nothing is working. She's so hurt from my mistakes.


You still haven't said what you did. That tells me that you probably cheated and you won't say because you know you won't find any sympathy here, right? Or you beat her? People can't effectively help you if you don't say what's been done.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

If I recall, he walked out on her and left her holding the bag financially.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

First thing that I really messed up on was to ask her to marry me, we set a wedding date and then we couldn't make it happen because of finances. We sent a second date and that one had the same results. She was crushed. She already bought a wedding dress and written out vows. 

Then when my business failed I did not take responsibility and left her holding the bag. I moved out and She had to arrange to move and get a new apartment for her self and I did not step up. 

Thats the major items.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It would take several years of you being responsible, paying her back, and letting her see you live a productive life before she'd probably even consider giving you another chance. Speaking as a woman.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

loverguy said:


> First thing that I really messed up on was to ask her to marry me, we set a wedding date and then we couldn't make it happen because of finances. We sent a second date and that one had the same results. She was crushed. She already bought a wedding dress and written out vows.
> 
> Then when my business failed I did not take responsibility and left her holding the bag. I moved out and She had to arrange to move and get a new apartment for her self and I did not step up.
> 
> Thats the major items.


Why didn't you sit her down & explain to her what was going on at the time? 
Honesty could have saved you both a lot of issues. 
She gave you a second chance & you didn't follow through with the second date wedding. 
This likely proved to her that you intend on NOT going through with any future plans & possibilities. 

No amount of gifts can repair this, only total honesty in my opinion. 


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

turnera2 said:


> It would take several years of you being responsible, paying her back, and letting her see you live a productive life before she'd probably even consider giving you another chance. Speaking as a woman.


Ditto speaking as a (handsome, charming, responsible) man.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

loverguy said:


> First thing that I really messed up on was to ask her to marry me, we set a wedding date and then we couldn't make it happen because of finances. We sent a second date and that one had the same results. She was crushed. She already bought a wedding dress and written out vows.
> 
> Then when my business failed I did not take responsibility and left her holding the bag. I moved out and She had to arrange to move and get a new apartment for her self and I did not step up.
> 
> Thats the major items.


She needs to be able to trust u again. For starters, don't say u are going to do something if u aren't going to do it and don't leave her behind to clean up your messes.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

loverguy said:


> First thing that I really messed up on was to ask her to marry me, we set a wedding date and then we couldn't make it happen because of finances. We sent a second date and that one had the same results. She was crushed. She already bought a wedding dress and written out vows.
> 
> Then when my business failed I did not take responsibility and left her holding the bag. I moved out and She had to arrange to move and get a new apartment for her self and I did not step up.
> 
> Thats the major items.


Wow. Just... Wow. And you want something simple and easy to pull off to "woo her back?" 

If she were posting here, I'd sure as hell tell her to leave you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Guys. This is not helping. I'm trying as hard as I can. Have her $$ today. She said she's not giving up on us. But now she's not responding to calls/text. We haven't seen each other in a week. 
I'm being patient. I know this is s test to see if I give up. Any advice is appreciated


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Honestly, you should leave her be. She needs to find the courage to respect herself enough to not deal with guys who treat her the way you have, and you need to work on yourself. That's my advice. Finding a quick fix to 'woo' her back, sort of tells me that you don't really see the problem with your behavior and she'd be better off on her own, now.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

loverguy said:


> *I know *this is a test to see if I give up. Any advice is appreciated


Yeah, _don't give up_.

It really is that simple.

And I gave you concrete advice that might turn things around. Go back and read it again.


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## ambulance.girl5 (Jul 6, 2016)

loverguy said:


> Long story, but I am trying to make up for some big time mistakes with my gal. She is giving me a chance to start over.
> 
> Help, I am not the most thoughtful guy and not too original. What would you LADIES love to see your guy do to woo you. To romance you?
> 
> I need simple, easy to pull off stuff


Don't go by other women. You guys may think "women are all the same", but we're not. If you REALLY want to learn HER, read the book entitled "the 5 Languages of Love". In so reading, you will find what desires are unique to HER in a relationship. Also, let her see that you're reading it...that will show her you're trying and she will likely grant you ample time to learn.

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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

I have downloaded that book and I'm going thru it. Also the book. His needs her needs. She finally talked to me last night on a long phone call. I mostly listened. She needs me to be humble and patient. I'm working on that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You also need the book "Love Busters". It goes with "His Needs, Her Needs".

After you read the books, she needs to read them. Then the two of you can do the work that the books set out for you.

You say that you did not marry her because you did not have the money. Was she expecting some big wedding? Was she going to contribute in addition to buying a wedding dress?

I'm confused and asking because it costs only a few dollars to get married.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

No it was not some big huge wedding. We're both in are late 40s and even married before. It was just the two of us at the beach with the photographer and a preacher. And a nice honeymoon for three nights.


It's so hard. She won't see me. We haven't seen each other in 10 days. I fight the urge to give up. It's hard when I feel like I'm not wanted, like I'm forcing it all. But then she texts me today thAt she wants love and attention. So what do I do. I feel like I'm either smothering her or ignoring her.


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## Rasputin (Jul 26, 2015)

loverguy said:


> We haven't seen each other in 10 days. I fight the urge to give up.


10 days and you want to give up? Smh. Either you're a quitter by nature or you have little desire to be with her and you're not being honest with yourself. If you truly wanted her, you'd go through he!! and never give up. You've already bailed on her and not manned-up. You're telling us you still can't man-up for her. Do her a favor and let her find a man that will fight for her. Like really fight. As in not a person that can only stomach "quick and easy" remedies.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

When I read your posts, I thought you were a kid. You are a whiner. I couldn't stand being with a whining man for 5 minutes. 
The following is a whine:


loverguy said:


> It's so hard. She won't see me. We haven't seen each other in 10 days. I fight the urge to give up. It's hard when I feel like I'm not wanted, like I'm forcing it all. But then she texts me today thAt she wants love and attention. So what do I do. I feel like I'm either smothering her or ignoring her.


You cannot sweep this woman off her feet. She is not looking for romance. She is looking for hard, cold reality. She needs a man who takes responsibility for himself and has her back. If you can't see that and follow through on it at your age, I wonder whether there's any hope for you. If you want to get anywhere, you're going to have to pull your head out and man up. If I were her, I would never speak to you again, let alone consider a relationship with you. If you want her back, you are going to have to prove yourself over a much longer period than ten measly days. Good grief. Have you no self control or patience? That is why you are in this mess to begin with. 
From what you have said, you do not stand up and take responsibility. You whine and act like a baby. You are a hurry for someone you supposedly love to take you back after you have shoved your responsibility onto her shoulders and left her.
You've gotten some good advice on this thread regarding growing up and being responsible. Follow it. Even if your girlfriend gets smart and changes her phone number, you'll still be ahead of where you are now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

loverguy said:


> No it was not some big huge wedding. We're both in are late 40s and even married before. It was just the two of us at the beach with the photographer and a preacher. And a nice honeymoon for three nights.
> 
> 
> It's so hard. She won't see me. We haven't seen each other in 10 days. I fight the urge to give up. It's hard when I feel like I'm not wanted, like I'm forcing it all. But then she texts me today thAt she wants love and attention. So what do I do. I feel like I'm either smothering her or ignoring her.


Did you get the books and read them? They tell you a lot of what you need to do.

You need to talk to her and find out what she needs.

You say that she won’t see you. But then she wants love and attention. Did you tell her that you want to see her so that you can give her love and attention?


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## ambulance.girl5 (Jul 6, 2016)

loverguy said:


> No it was not some big huge wedding. We're both in are late 40s and even married before. It was just the two of us at the beach with the photographer and a preacher. And a nice honeymoon for three nights.
> 
> 
> It's so hard. She won't see me. We haven't seen each other in 10 days. I fight the urge to give up. It's hard when I feel like I'm not wanted, like I'm forcing it all. But then she texts me today thAt she wants love and attention. So what do I do. I feel like I'm either smothering her or ignoring her.


Those books we're discussing for you to read, will show you the right balance of what SHE needs. It sucks for men because most of the time we woman instinctively just KNOW what out men need, because we are the emotional keepers of the relationship usually. Whereas, men are the logic keepers and problem solvers. That means that we have to listen, learn and defer to you men on certain things, but also you must listen, learn and defer to your woman on certain issues...attention and affection being 2 of those things. Learn HER buddy, I promise you WONT be sorry! A woman whose man knows what makes her happy, is a happy woman indeed, and in turn makes her man happy. 

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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

I'm reading the books. Last night thru text she unloaded again. Brought up her ex husband again. How I can't call her "princess" that's teserved fur him. Of course I reacted. 

She brought up all kinds of stuff. I never flew a kite with her, never took her camping... Did she ask? Nope! 

She's just so hurt. She signed off saying good bye. And not one time yesterday did she say I love you back to me. 

Am I whining. Don't know. But she's making it extremely hard. I've been trying to make up for my mistakes and get back with her for 8 months. We have gotten back together a few times but it doesn't last.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

You made this bed by treating her like crap. You are now trying to smooth your actions over with a quick fix. I find your actions shallow and un-remorseful. Time to grow up, look at yourself in the mirror, admit your mistakes and move on by letting her go. The damage is done. Any woman can smell your insincerity a mile away.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

loverguy said:


> I'm reading the books. Last night thru text she unloaded again. Brought up her ex husband again. How I can't call her "princess" that's teserved fur him. Of course I reacted.
> 
> She brought up all kinds of stuff. I never flew a kite with her, never took her camping... Did she ask? Nope!


If she is reserving something for another man, that's a problem. She is not over him.
You can't give someone something you don't know they want.
However, she is very hurt and now is not the time to bring up any of your issues. You don't be a doormat, but you also take care of yourself and do what is necessary to be the man you should have been to begin with.



loverguy said:


> She's just so hurt. She signed off saying good bye. And not one time yesterday did she say I love you back to me.


This is whining. Do not expect anything from her. Right now you've lost her. She isn't into you, but is giving you another chance. If you really want this to work, you will let go of any reciprocation from her for months and months, up to a year. What you've done is not healed in a day or a week. And if it does heal, you will have to maintain integrity all the time. It has to be an inner heart change, not just a get your woman back change. She knows that and she's not going to be fooled any more easily than a bunch of strangers on the internet.



loverguy said:


> Am I whining. Don't know. But she's making it extremely hard. I've been trying to make up for my mistakes and get back with her for 8 months. We have gotten back together a few times but it doesn't last.


She is not making it hard. You are the one making it hard. You should be enjoying her company and the chance to prove yourself to her. Instead you are whining and feeling sorry for yourself. If you don't stop that, you are never going to have a quality relationship with her or anyone else.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Ok. So she said goodbye. Do I reach out. Or give her space and wait for her to come to me?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Move on. Start dating. Maybe she'll come back around. But don't count on it. Move on. There are millions of single women out there, you'll find someone better!


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Don't know what the world to do. I don't want to give up. I've been trying for 8 months to get back in good with her. But I'm just getting nowhere. My hearts with her and I have resisted dating. Everyone that knows me says to move on. I Just don't know how long I can go. She's so hurt. And fur her the best thing may be to move on. Everything is so screwed up. We were suppossed to be married.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

loverguy said:


> Ok. So she said goodbye. Do I reach out. Or give her space and wait for her to come to me?


What do you mean she said goodbye?
Did she tell you that she is done with you? If yes, then honor her wishes.



loverguy said:


> Don't know what the world to do. I don't want to give up. I've been trying for 8 months to get back in good with her. But I'm just getting nowhere. My hearts with her and I have resisted dating. Everyone that knows me says to move on. I Just don't know how long I can go. She's so hurt. And fur her the best thing may be to move on. Everything is so screwed up. We were suppossed to be married.


Don't refocus your attention onto another woman. Focus your attention onto learning to be a man of integrity. Have you made amends to her? Did you pay her back? If not, take care of that asap. Until that is resolved, you are not in any place to move forward.

It sounds like you need to think about a better line of work where you are financially stable and able to maintain your end of a relationship. Focus on that until you aren't living on the edge.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The only way you'll be someone worth taking back is if you stop focusing on what you WANT and start focusing on who you ARE.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

It's over. She told me thru email to give up. That we are no more.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I know you're not ready to understand this, but now that the distraction of chasing her has come to a screeching halt, you'll have time to look at yourself. That is where your energy is best spent and your success lies. Regroup, then rebuild.

Best


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

If you want to make the biggest impression, it's the big things that take the most time to plan that will show how much you think about her. If you keep on thinking small, you won't get anywhere.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Jb. Be specific. What kind of big things.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

loverguy said:


> It's over. She told me thru email to give up. That we are no more.


Honor her wishes. If you truly love her. 
Set your mind on personal growth.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

I am honoring her wishes. No contact. Emails. Texts. Flowers taking her food. Nothing. I hope I hear from her. If not I'm working on myself


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

loverguy said:


> I'm reading the books. Last night thru text she unloaded again.* Brought up her ex husband again. How I can't call her "princess" that's teserved fur him*. Of course I reacted.
> 
> She brought up all kinds of stuff. I never flew a kite with her, never took her camping... Did she ask? Nope!
> 
> ...


Work on yourself. Hit the gym, get some money in the bank AND COUNT YOUR LUCKY STARS. O F--- NO! do you accept the bolded part above. She's still carrying a torch for the ex. That's a whole separate pile of crap from what you did by not following thru on your promises.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

Why do you want to get back with her? What is it that you love about her? Why is it that you weren't able to talk to her about the financial issues you were having as opposed to just ditching her?


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

It's getting bad. While she is maintaining contact she has started to date. Says she needs time and space. Well screw that! I'm not gonna ge her fallback option when she doesn't discover some great guy. Or worse, I stay true to her and she does meet a new guy and falls into a new relationship. I have asked her to choose. Me or other men but she's not getting both.


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