# How to split the stuff?



## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

Long story short: life altering experience (a child with a terminal illness)

Spouse wants to split while our child declines in health. 

Knowing that I am living in trauma every day caring for our child. I would like some btdt advice as i would personally prefer to wait till after our child passes before taking on a division. The issues are starting to be forced, so heading into a separation agreement or divorce. 

The first is our financial accounts. My spouse currently brings in all the income as I am unable to work and care for our child. For the last almost decade everything has been combined (yes everything). 

First up credit cards: how would you divide expenses? Household vs personal

How would you set up paying expenses? Everything from the joint, personal from the personal? 

The final piece is my spouse wants me to have what sounds like a set allowance for personal expenses. Pro/cons of having a set allowance each month heading into a separation/ divorce. My gut says not good, but I would like some perspective. 

Like I said. I am not a fan of going through this at this time but will have to address them as they are forced.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

get a lawyer, legalities vary state to state and it's best to be protected
since you have no income he would stand to lose quite a bit in most cases


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You should speak to a lawyer and find out your rights and responsibilities. Once you know what you're legally entitled to, you can make more informed decisions about where to go next. 

In my case, I'm the primary income earner, and I'm the one that initiated the separation. I figured out how much I would be legally obligated to provide to my wife and kids, and deposit that plus a bit extra every month into our one remaining joint account. She's the only one that takes money out of that account. I ask for no accounting of how she spends it. She has stayed in the marital home, and has transferred all the household bills to her name. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Get an attorney. Right away. I'm not impressed by anyone who would try to leave while their child is in need, and by someone who would try to talk about money and settlement while a parent is going through such a thing. Plus, consider the length of time child will survive, you don't know for sure how long, or what the needs will be. You might sell yourself and your child short. 

You should not be making such decisions at this time, and I think a court of law will also say that such a decision cannot be made because the situation is not stable, as regards the child, and they will be unable to make any kind of sound determination as to what settlement is best for the child. They will also refuse to allow a parent to possible get out of anything less than their fair share of supporting a family at such a time.

Don't discuss ANYTHING with him, except what needs to be discussed to communicate care of child. And as soon as you get an attorney, that goes through the attorney as well.

He is trying to take advantage of you while you're struggling to hold it all together. Trust me, you're not in a frame of mind right now where you can or should think about this on your own. You need legal help, someone who can think rationally on your behalf while your mind is on other things...and your energy should be on that, too, not on figuring out a settlement with someone who thinks that this is a good time to do that.


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