# Do you say "Thank You"?



## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

Do you say thank you to your SO after sex? Or do they thank you for it?

**How much appreciation do you show?**


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> Do you say thank you to your SO after sex? Or do they thank you for it?


"Thank you" seems a little stiff and formal, like you just completed a business transaction.

I usually just say, "That was amazing", "That was fun", etc.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Ummm, no!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> Ummm, no!


:iagree:

Thank you sounds like what you'd say to a hooker after she serviced you.


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

Ok, maybe I worded this wrong. What I mean is more like what 4thand11 said. I dont mean actually "thanking them".


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Who would thank who?


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I always thank her for a handjob. After sex it is usually, "mmmmm...that was so good!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Usually the lazy smile on my face and the languid lounging is enough to let him know how I feel. I'll comment on how good it was sometimes, but it isn't really in a thankful way.


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## Visual1 (Apr 16, 2013)

I have said a few time before, but stop doing it. It does sound a little awkward. Now, I just said I love you and put on my cloth.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> Do you say thank you to your SO after sex? Or do they thank you for it?
> 
> **How much appreciation do you show?**


no need to verbalize. We hugs and kiss each other for at least several minutes after made love. That means she thanked me and I thanked her.


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## salamander (Apr 2, 2013)

H has always said thank you with such a dazzling look of puppy love in his beautiful eyes, he got me into the habit, too. It's endearingly awkward.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

have i said the words "thank-you"?? no, but i say, "that was awesome", "that was great", "that was fun", we embrace with a strong squeeze, if we cant move, we high five. or i get a smack on the ass, after a bj, he will grab me and kiss all over my face, or neck, and say how amazing that was.

next day we talk about it, like what part was the best, what worked more than not worked, something silly that happened, talk about things that are serious...like if i got the giggles [happens], i say sorry, or any other faux pas.


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## thatcleanhippyguy (May 17, 2013)

My wife is LD. It is a chore almost.

I don't feel obligated to say thank you, but I do it anyways because I still do actually appreciate the effort.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I've said thank you for bjs before. But never for intercourse.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I sometimes tell her she is still a thrill.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

So you expect it because your married or in an exclusive relationship?

Unfortunately, I am guilty of this and never thought it might be insulting. Why in the world would I think of my wife as a prostitute? I thought it was just polite. I am horribly embarrassed to admit this failure of mine. 

Will someone explain a little more about why it is not the right thing to say after sex?

I always figured she didn't have to have sex with me and it was kind of her to do it. I guess that means I think she is giving me mercy sex and she really didn't want it?

Post a link or something. LOL


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Hope1964 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Thank you sounds like what you'd say to a hooker after she serviced you.


I usually ask for a receipt made out to "parking".


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> I usually ask for a receipt made out to "parking".


:lol: Wow. No wonder you didn't get a thank you. You gotta move a little. 

Thanks.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

No, I don't thank him for doing the deed and he doesn't either. It would seem really odd and formal if he thanked me. It's hard to put in words, but I prefer he just smile and look very satisfied. Because we're in an exclusive relationship and because a healthy intimate life is something important to both of us, I don't need him to thank me as if I did him some favor. 
Sometimes he'll ask me what I would rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest. So my joke is "the judges give it a 9.1" and he says "Just 9.1?!" and my response is "The Russian judge is a stickler and she doesn't like any deviation from traditional moves." Ok, you have to know us to get our sense of humor, but that's how we roll. I'd rather it be lighthearted and fun than formal.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

No way would I say thank you, nor would she. This is one of those things that the appreciation is in the act itself, and the unspoken words of the afterglow.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

This has to be one of those situations where a couple thinks, "I can get it somewhere else. Why should I say thank you?" "Just make sure you do a good job." I guess I see it as an attitude of entitlement.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> This has to be one of those situations where a couple thinks, "I can get it somewhere else. Why should I say thank you?" "Just make sure you do a good job." I guess I see it as an attitude of entitlement.


In a way it is an entitlement of being married. The trick is, not taking it for granted.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Okay. Can you go a little further because to me, if your believe you are entitled, you surely are going to take it for granted. I've taken people for granted in my life and I don't know anyone who hasn't at one time or another. Not just with sex in marriage.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

My wife usually says " thank you" not directly , but by cuddling and expressing how good she feels.
I usually respond with a " luv you baby.."

However , if she scowls and rolls her eyes...
I hug and squeeze her whilst repeating :"_ luv you babty, luv you baby, luv you baby _", before she can express her disgust.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Maybe I'm viewing this differently. I see this as a mutually satisfying act so who would thank whom?


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## thatcleanhippyguy (May 17, 2013)

My wife has no practically no drive, I almost feel bad if I don't thank her for her energy. 

But that says everything, don't it?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

So, a person might take the "thank you, honey. I love you." Along with a hug and kiss..... As, "Thank you for giving yourself for my satisfaction only."

I guess I might be able to see why she would be offended if she had an orgasm. If she didn't orgasm, it might be less provocative.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well, in a marriage you ARE entitled to sex with your spouse. It's part of the package deal. If you feel your spouse is doing you a favor by having sex with you, then it means that you don't feel like sex is part of the marriage contract.

Telling someone they did a good job at something isn't the same as thanking them. Showing appreciation is not the same as thanking them.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Okay. Can you go a little further because to me, if your believe you are entitled, you surely are going to take it for granted. I've taken people for granted in my life and I don't know anyone who hasn't at one time or another. Not just with sex in marriage.


Feeling entitled to something is not necessarily a bad thing. I am entitled to good sex in my marriage, as is my wife. Nothing wrong with feeling that way at all. Taking it for granted means you assume it will happen for no other reason than because your married, and you don't have to try at it.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Not for nothing but once we're both done....... i say " you're welcome "


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

After any sexual connection with my SO, I'm afraid that I'm just too "old school!" I'd much rather just peer deeply into her smiling eyes while holding her, and tell her just how much I really love her!

That heartfelt confession all by itself truly relays all of "the thanks" that I could ever hope to convey to them!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Well, in a marriage you ARE entitled to sex with your spouse. It's part of the package deal. If you feel your spouse is doing you a favor by having sex with you, then it means that you don't feel like sex is part of the marriage contract.
> 
> Telling someone they did a good job at something isn't the same as thanking them. Showing appreciation is not the same as thanking them.


This is gonna start a shet storm and I don't mean to. I do want to understand. Some of this goes back to the guy I was taught to be with women. Not the hard ass that thinks he deserves everything. 

Okay, so here goes. I was thinking as I read this that I agree that we are entitled to sex when we get married. Are we also entitled to good sex or just an orgasm? Okay. I'll stop there and ask Mr. Yeager a question. Then I'll take a break for a little while and I'll be back. Thanks.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Omgitsjoe said:


> Not for nothing but once we're both done....... i say " you're welcome "


If she says, "What", you better get back to work, buddy..LOLOL


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Sometimes... just to be funny.


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## toxxik (May 20, 2013)

I have never really thought about it but I actually thank him after I give him a bj just because its fun
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> Are we also entitled to good sex or just an orgasm?


Is there a 'bad' orgasm?? I get that there's good, better and best, but 'bad'?

Traditionally marriage did not entitle anyone to 'good' sex. It entitled the man to 'take' his woman.  I think most people have evolved past that point, and when they get married they have the expectation that their spouse will love them and therefore that they'll enjoy sex with them.

If they don't have that expectation, they should. I like expectation better than entitlement for this one.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Feeling entitled to something is not necessarily a bad thing. I am entitled to good sex in my marriage, as is my wife. Nothing wrong with feeling that way at all. Taking it for granted means you assume it will happen for no other reason than because your married, and you don't have to try at it.


You are entitled to good sex? I should have divorced that woman a long time ago. LOL

So, you're saying that if I want good sex, I have to work for it a little. Maybe do more than just lie there? LOL So, in my mind, I'm thinking if I get gooood sex from my wife, it's because she put in the effort, extra effort. So a thank you is not in order along with a hug and kiss? That would be offensive? Cause she could get me off with much less and that would be good. It's the effort before and during that are extra in my mind. I'll be right back. Give me about five minutes. Thanks? LOL


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: Do you say "Thank You"?*



2ntnuf said:


> If she says, "What", you better get back to work, buddy..LOLOL


Kidding me ?? Im often asleep by the time she has a chance to respond


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

There is appreciation often in the form of passionate kissing and cuddling afterwards.
Or he will say something like "I love you, thank you for sharing your body with me".
Mostly we will agree how amazing we are together, kiss, laugh, talk and go to sleep in each others arms.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Sorry, I'm joking because I'm embarrassed a little for feeling naive. I'm not so sure that the feeling is based in reality. I may just be misunderstanding.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> So, a person might take the "thank you, honey. I love you." Along with a hug and kiss..... As, "Thank you for giving yourself for my satisfaction only."
> 
> I guess I might be able to see why she would be offended if she had an orgasm. If she didn't orgasm, it might be less provocative.


For the most part, my SO and I focus on each other, and the times where it is more about one than the other, we both know that the other will get theirs. That's just how we are without having to thank the other.

And no, it doesn't bother me that she gets three orgasms to my one. The smile on her face is thanks enough.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Is there a 'bad' orgasm?? I get that there's good, better and best, but 'bad'?
> 
> Traditionally marriage did not entitle anyone to 'good' sex. It entitled the man to 'take' his woman. I think most people have evolved past that point, and when they get married they have the expectation that their spouse will love them and therefore that they'll enjoy sex with them.
> 
> If they don't have that expectation, they should. I like expectation better than entitlement for this one.


I don't see where I wrote "bad" at all. Maybe you're reading something into my words?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> I don't see where I wrote "bad" at all. Maybe you're reading something into my words?


When you said 'good sex or just an orgasm' it sounded like you meant that an orgasm didn't always mean the sex was good, ie an orgasm could be 'bad'.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> For the most part, my SO and I focus on each other, and the times where it is more about one than the other, we both know that the other will get theirs. That's just how we are without having to thank the other.
> 
> And no, it doesn't bother me that she gets three orgasms to my one. The smile on her face is thanks enough.


I think you are reading something into my words, too. I must be missing something here. 

It's all about giving to get in my mind. The more I please her, the more she will want to be involved and please me. I can initiate. She can initiate. It doesn't matter. I think it is better if the man initiates more often. The amount of times she orgasms is only a reflection of what is going on with her and my technique. 

Something popped into my head. Isn't she responsible for her orgasm? Maybe I misunderstood that, too?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> You are entitled to good sex? I should have divorced that woman a long time ago. LOL
> 
> So, you're saying that if I want good sex, I have to work for it a little. Maybe do more than just lie there? LOL So, in my mind, I'm thinking if I get gooood sex from my wife, it's because she put in the effort, extra effort. So a thank you is not in order along with a hug and kiss? That would be offensive? Cause she could get me off with much less and that would be good. It's the effort before and during that are extra in my mind. I'll be right back. Give me about five minutes. Thanks? LOL


And if she is putting in the extra effort for good sex, are you? If you aren't then you are heading towards taking it for granted.

I think it comes down to having the mindset for mutual satisfaction and doing your best to make your partner feel as good as they possibly can.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> When you said 'good sex or just an orgasm' it sounded like you meant that an orgasm didn't always mean the sex was good, ie an orgasm could be 'bad'.


"I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and sawed."


An orgasm is good. Good sex is better. I can just get off without much involvement and the release is good, but the sex is not. It's selfish and not very rewarding for either party.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I think you are reading something into my words, too. I must be missing something here.
> 
> It's all about giving to get in my mind. The more I please her, the more she will want to be involved and please me. I can initiate. She can initiate. It doesn't matter. I think it is better if the man initiates more often. The amount of times she orgasms is only a reflection of what is going on with her and my technique.
> 
> Something popped into my head. Isn't she responsible for her orgasm? Maybe I misunderstood that, too?


We don't give to get. We give to well...give, and we both do that, so it works out wonderfully for us.

Yes, she is responsible for her orgasm, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want me to help her get there


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> "I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and sawed."
> 
> An orgasm is good. Good sex is better. I can just get off without much involvement and the release is good, but the sex is not. It's selfish and not very rewarding for either party.


Ok. 

So, what about the rest of that post I made then?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> And if she is putting in the extra effort for good sex, are you? If you aren't then you are heading towards taking it for granted.
> 
> Totally understand this. I think there was alot of assumption going on. Yes, I would be putting effort into it as my arousal rose during sex. Quite naturally ,too.
> 
> I think it comes down to having the mindset for mutual satisfaction and doing your best to make your partner feel as good as they possibly can.


Totally agree with this. I want to please her because I know she will be happier if I give her good sex. I would get more into the act as my arousal grows with the intensity of the act. 

Prior to this, if I start to romance her early in the day and keep the embers aglow until I initiate, I wouldn't mind a thank you. I guess most women would if they put out extra effort? I mean, even though you got some good sex with multiple orgasms?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> We don't give to get. We give to well...give, and we both do that, so it works out wonderfully for us.
> 
> Yes, she is responsible for her orgasm, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want me to help her get there


Edit to respond to this last sentence. I think I got turned around a little from one of the other threads and got confused with the idea that she is responsible for her own orgasm. I'll have to work on that on too. Crap. This place is confusing sometimes. I never worried about this stuff. I just initiated when I wanted it and did the best I could. I told her that she needed to let me know if she liked something, cause I'd do it more or better! Then I read that she is responsible and I think, "What the hell am I worried about? If I do my best and she doesn't tell me what she needs, that's on her!" Maybe I was wrong?

So, you're fine with not getting off? Seems a bit strange. I expect to orgasm or I'm not going to initiate. You mean you don't? I think we all expect something. I think my wife expected to orgasm if I initiated. Just as I would. What the heck??


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Ok.
> 
> So, what about the rest of that post I made then?


Hope, I'm not sure what you are talking about. Can you hang on? I will answer you to the best of my ability, but I don't want to get confused while discussing with samyeager. As you could see, I multi-qouted you and then had to delete.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Which post did I miss the rest of Hope? I guess sam flew the coup?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Sometimes, in a tongue-n-cheek way my wife will say it if the sex was particularly mind blowing. 

*Wife:* Mmm, thank you very much.
*Me: *You're welcome. Just leave the cash on the nightstand.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> This has to be one of those situations where a couple thinks, "I can get it somewhere else. Why should I say thank you?" "Just make sure you do a good job." I guess I see it as an attitude of entitlement.


I am entitled to regular, amazing sex from my wife. She is entitled to the same. We both believe this and we conduct our sex life accordingly. We didn't vow to forsake all others for the hope of monogamous sex, we vowed to forsake all others with the expectation that we'd have sex and enjoy it.

Marital sex is a right. If you're thanking somebody because they don't "have" to have sex with you I wonder why they're your spouse.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Yes, we say thank you to each other. Not every time, but a lot of times. "Thank you, that was awesome!"

Good sex is a gift. Pleasure is a gift. That's how we see it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

norajane said:


> Yes, we say thank you to each other. Not every time, but a lot of times. "Thank you, that was awesome!"
> 
> *Good sex is a gift. Pleasure is a gift. That's how we see it.*


:iagree:

That's our view as well.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I am entitled to regular, amazing sex from my wife. She is entitled to the same. We both believe this and we conduct our sex life accordingly. We didn't vow to forsake all others for the hope of monogamous sex, we vowed to forsake all others with the expectation that we'd have sex *and enjoy it*.
> 
> Who said anything about not enjoying sex? That's part and parcel. I think you're assuming too much. That's okay.
> 
> Marital sex is a right. If you're thanking somebody because they don't "have" to have sex with you I wonder why they're your spouse.


So I can say to a wife, "Woman, come upstairs with me. It's my right and you better be damn good cause I know I will be." Sometimes I wonder about what I read.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Who said anything about not enjoying sex? That's part and parcel. I think you're assuming too much. That's okay.


I'm assuming too much about what? 




2ntnuf said:


> So I can say to a wife, "Woman, come upstairs with me. It's my right and you better be damn good cause I know I will be." Sometimes I wonder about what I read.


No. You just speak of a man who has never been craved by a woman with the exact same passion and drive that she craves you. You seem to look at sex as something a woman "gifts" you, or "allows" you to have. So you skip past the part where I say my WIFE feel she too is entitled to good sex and assume that the man needs to chest beat _make_ his wife go upstairs and have sex with him because he alone is entitled.

No. We BOTH are entitled. Which means we both expect sex. We are mutually attracted to each other. It doesn't mean that we're entitled to have sex whenever one of us wants it. We both turn one another down. But we trust that sex isn't a matter of if, it's just a matter of when. Even if she says "no" and I say "no" it all still works out in the end because my wife and I both love f*cking each other's brains out.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> How funny! I say "thank you" a lot, with sincerity and without feeling cheap.
> 
> I say thank you because there are nights when my husband is dead tired and I know he'd rather just go to sleep but he loves me enough to make me feel loved. I say thank you because there are things that I LOVE that he only likes, and I thank him for indulging me in them. I say thank you when I've worn him out for reaching for just ONE MORE orgasm. So, I say thanks all the time.
> 
> ...


There you go.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> How funny! I say "thank you" a lot, with sincerity and without feeling cheap.
> 
> I say thank you because there are nights when my husband is dead tired and I know he'd rather just go to sleep but he loves me enough to make me feel loved. I say thank you because there are things that I LOVE that he only likes, and I thank him for indulging me in them. I say thank you when I've worn him out for reaching for just ONE MORE orgasm. So, I say thanks all the time.
> 
> ...



Well when you put it that way...

:corkysm60:


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I'm assuming too much about what?
> 
> My previous post. That's okay.
> 
> ...


Yes. Thank you for your openness and honesty.


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## salamander (Apr 2, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> That's our view as well.


Hear, hear!

Here's something fun that i made for H. I used my artistic skillz to create a pop-up love coupon book for him and validated them with a heart-shaped hole punch. Loads of please's and thank you's issued from that one. It's a naughty love artifact he keeps in his drawer. Some of the pages have a lot of holes in them 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I giggled at this post. My husband sent me a text last night, (he was at work), "Thanks for last night. That was great." He has never done that before. At the time, I knew it was especially good for him. I'm happy he acknowledged it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I would be insulted!!!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Needy_Wife said:


> Do you say thank you to your SO after sex? Or do they thank you for it?
> 
> **How much appreciation do you show?**


I usually thank him the next morning or later that evening "thanks for the orgasms baby,you're so amazing!" or "thanks for the sweet lovin cutie,you rock!"

or I'll show thanks by giving a lot of compliments to him about his body,technique,etc.

and if I find my mind is too scrambled to come up with much a simple "WOW.That was f**king crazy awesome" will put a smile on his face


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## MarriedManInHis40s (Mar 28, 2013)

If we thank each other, it's tongue in cheek. "Thanks for pounding me", my wife will say.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Personally,I don't think people show enough gratitude in marriage.We're polite to the whole world but our spouse is the person who doesn't seem to receive all those social niceties. 
Maybe if more people showed gratitude for even the little things aside from sex,their marriages would be healthier.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Needy_Wife said:


> Do you say thank you to your SO after sex? Or do they thank you for it?
> 
> **How much appreciation do you show?**


Most would say (haven't read these replies at all)...that this is generally not the way to go about a HOT roll in the hay... but honestly... I have enthusiastically given my husband a hearty Thank you in a vast variety of ways ...and yes, using these very words on occasions (with kissing his chest, holding him tight, basking in the afterglow)......

When I feel amazingly grateful for something he does (and for a time I was pushing for more action than he was able to deliver).. a deep thankfulness couldn't help but RISE within me - given his attitude & his willingness to please me....never turning me down. 

I am very BIG into expressing how high, how deep, how wide my appreciation is - when I am feeling it so strongly...I wouldn't even be able to contain that.. And of course he loves & appreciates this as well... he's answered with a ....."the Pleasure was all mine". 

Though really I'm more likely to spit out a "Gawd ...it should be a sin how GOOOOOOD you make me feel"... or ..."that was HOT Baby" ... Or "Darn....the highlight of our day is over ....it goes too fast"....very common for us to say something....and it's not always the same, we shake it up, surprise each other... 

No matter what is said, even if nothing ...it is deeply FELT. 

It ALL = that was a hell of a good time and I can't wait to do it all over again with you !


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

This thread is reminding me that it's all about intention.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jaquen said:


> This thread is reminding me that it's all about *intention*.


Which is a word that should be considered far more when it comes to a lot of things in a relationship.

My past life could have been far easier, I may not have ended my sexless marriage if my ex had of tried to fix his issues. It is the intention (pos or neg) behind an action that tells the true story.
If he had of taken some proactive steps it would have shown his intention was good. His inaction showed he had no intention of meeting my needs.

*Intention *is a word SO and I use often in discussions. One action can have two very different impacts dependant on the intention behind the action.


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## just_about_done (Feb 6, 2013)

Yeah, actually, I did start saying thank you somewhere along the way. Never really thought about it, but it was kind of passive aggressive maybe.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Saying thank you just comes off too... for lack of a better word... "weak", to me. Submissive. It implies that she did this for your benefit and gets nothing out of it. If someone said it to me, with sincerity (tongue in cheek/humor notwithstanding), I'd wonder if she was depressed. To me, a serious "thank you" in that situation is an expression of severely low confidence... or low self-esteem. Its like acknowledging her lack of interest or enjoyment... as if it was something she was just putting up with.

As such, it wouldn't seem very sexy to me. I could even see how it might contribute to even less desire from the person being thanked.


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

I've never thought to thank him for sex, no. I thank him for other things, but not sex.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Weak or submissive seems a strong word to use for such a simple sentiment, especially considering it could just as easily be your wife thanking you for an especially good romp.

I've been reading, watching and learning on this thread. It gave me a lot of new perspective which I appreciate.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Weak or submissive seems a strong word to use for such a simple sentiment, especially considering it could just as easily be your wife thanking you for an especially good romp.
> 
> I've been reading, watching and learning on this thread. It gave me a lot of new perspective which I appreciate.


Come on Red,come to the dark side with SO and me.Weak,submissive,insanely compatible and happy...
you know you want to


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Come on Red,come to the dark side with SO and me.Weak,submissive,insanely compatible and happy...
> you know you want to


Shhh, I've already 'fessed to be a submissive wife more than once! I love my big, strong macho man.

I honestly started reading this thread thinking in a very joking manner that saying 'thank you' seemed silly but it's been enlightening to read others thoughts and perceptions.

I am learning, oh wise one!


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Oddly, both my wife and I give verbal thanks at times. I don't find it weak or weird. Granted, there is a big difference between holding her hands, looking in her eyes and with a straight face saying, "Thank you for the gift, wife," and wrapping one arm around her as she snuggles into my chest in post-coital bliss, as I grumble in a worn-out voice, "Mmmm, that was nice, Toots. Thanks."

The first is something you do when someone saves you baby from choking or donates a kidney to you, and would be bizarre - and a little toadying - in the bedroom. But I see nothing wrong with a simple acknowledgement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

My girlfriend says thank's after every time. Actually, so did my ex. "Thanks for giving me a great orgasm", "thanks for making me cum so hard", etc., however it's said, it does make you feel pretty good, like you got the job done right. I sorta feel like a king when she says it, so ya, I certainly don't mind.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Weak or submissive seems a strong word to use for such a simple sentiment, especially considering it could just as easily be your wife thanking you for an especially good romp.
> 
> I've been reading, watching and learning on this thread. It gave me a lot of new perspective which I appreciate.


Yeah, but I admitted I didn't have quite the right fitting word. It just seems kinda low self-esteem to thank someone for having sex with you. Can't quite put my finger on it exactly.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Yeah, but I admitted I didn't have quite the right fitting word. It just seems kinda low self-esteem to thank someone for having sex with you. Can't quite put my finger on it exactly.


I had the same thought initially as I posted before but the more I read here and thought about it, it's just expressing appreciation for the other person and the efforts they made. 

It makes sense that we all want to be appreciated. *shrug*


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

Yes, we usually both thank each other verbally. Its neither formal now awkward for us. Its heart felt and genuine. Neither one of us feels entitled to anything at all in the bedroom and therefore any attention given or received is appreciated and thanked for. I started it all by thanking him after the first BJ he let me give him. For what? For letting me in, for allowing me to be close. And may I add, I got nothing out of that one, physically at least. And yes, I'm LD, was then and am now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

Thanking your SO makes it sound like you've just paid for services rendered. Rather than that, I'll just tell her how it felt. Usually, she knows by the volume of semen I produce, so there's no need to even say anything.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> Hope, I'm not sure what you are talking about. Can you hang on? I will answer you to the best of my ability, but I don't want to get confused while discussing with samyeager. As you could see, I multi-qouted you and then had to delete.


This:

"Traditionally marriage did not entitle anyone to 'good' sex. It entitled the man to 'take' his woman. I think most people have evolved past that point, and when they get married they have the expectation that their spouse will love them and therefore that they'll enjoy sex with them.

If they don't have that expectation, they should. I like expectation better than entitlement for this one. "

Sorry I disappeared there.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Really, though, how is saying "That was amazing" worse or better than "Thank-You" if that's what gets the right meaning across to the person who just blew your mind?


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## Mrs B (Sep 29, 2008)

We say thank you.

We thank each other when one of us washes the dishes or does the laundry too. Sure, these are just jobs that are part of running a house but thank you it just a way of showing appreciation for each other.

Same for sex, I am not really thanking him, I am just letting him know in simple words that I appreciate what we have together. I am thankful for the good things we have and I don't feel entitled to sex, I don't own him.

It's just a simple two words that says so much for us.


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## Mrs B (Sep 29, 2008)

coupdegrace said:


> Thanking your SO makes it sound like you've just paid for services rendered. Rather than that, I'll just tell her how it felt. Usually, she knows by the volume of semen I produce, so there's no need to even say anything.


No it doesn't.

It is showing appreciation verbally for something that has pleased you. 

I don't think people appreciate others enough.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Mrs B said:


> No it doesn't.
> 
> It is showing appreciation verbally for something that has pleased you.
> 
> I don't think people appreciate others enough.


In our relationship it would. If he thanked me it would trigger me badly, since he DID hire a hooker. 3 years ago today in fact.

Like I said, the words themselves aren't what matters.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead:

Still seems wrong to me...
"Thank you for s--king my c--k"
"Thank you for ramming me against the wall"
lol

I have to agree with the posters who mentioned that it's better to compliment rather than thank


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> How funny! I say "thank you" a lot, with sincerity and without feeling cheap.
> 
> *It's not out of entitlement or lack thereof...but because thank you says a lot to me personally*.


Lol,

This thread still runs back and forth, _"to thank or not to thank."_

What Frenchfry said above explains why it should be done.
Sometime these little things have profound effects on a relationship and how partners feel about themselves.
Saying thank you with a warm hug, smile and a big smooch is basically the same as saying "_Hun,that was good_."
The key is to mean it when you say it.
That way it can never come across as cheap.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Needy_Wife said:


> Do you say thank you to your SO after sex? Or do they thank you for it?
> 
> **How much appreciation do you show?**



No "thank you's" after.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> This:
> 
> "Traditionally marriage did not entitle anyone to 'good' sex. It entitled the man to 'take' his woman. I think most people have evolved past that point, and when they get married they have the expectation that their spouse will love them and therefore that they'll enjoy sex with them.
> 
> ...


What the heck?? You have to be kidding me!? Listen, I don't know who wrote that or what the intentions were. I'm sure there were marriages like that just as there are today. I'm sure that all the bad things happened then as now. Maybe there were more then? I don't know. I think the consequences are different now. Where the community shunned men for treating their wives badly before because there were no laws protecting them, today there are laws that punish such behavior.

This is from my memory. Much of it was in stories I was told or from when I was very young. I grew up differently because I was not from that era. My parents were and my brothers, but I was raised in the era of the 60's and 70's when times were changing and there was a lot of stuff in the news about the women's movement and teachers were taking sides. It was tough in some ways. In some ways easier because I didn't understand. I was too young to grasp it all and my parents were the type than wanted to shield me from things. That is not good. Do not do that mom's and dad's reading this. Give it to them straight, but in easy to understand terms. Help them by doing what you want them to learn. 

Hope, I thought you and I were pretty close in age? My parents were older when I was born. My dad was born at the end of WWI. Yes, one, not two. LOL

I never saw any of that when I was younger. It was more like what MMSL and NMMNG talk about. Male comradery very similar to the books I mentioned.

Wives stuck together and did the things that many men here talk about for an acceptable GNO. 

Men stuck up for their wives. Wives stuck up for their husbands. 

Sure there was cheating and all the stuff that goes on today. Why would it be any different? The desires were all there. It's the ease of attaining those desires that make it tougher now. 

I mean they had sex in the 1800's. They just rode horses when traveling distances. If they had them. If they didn't, they went to a church fair or something. They stayed close to home. 

They lived close to work if they lived in town like my grandparents. Heck, my granddad walked to work every day. Stores were within walking distance because lots of people couldn't afford a car. 

Kids had bicycles if they were lucky in many cases, but not all. I'm talking about the blue collar worker's family. Grandad worked into his early seventies. He was a pipefitter and proud to be one. They had larger families because birth control was pretty much non-existent. Maybe there were sheepskin condoms? I imagine that was a luxury.

It was a different world. No, that quote seems off to me. I didn't see or hear of that. I was young, but I would have heard some snippet of something. My brothers would have let something slip over the years if that was the norm. 

A lot of stuff is hyped up just to get people motivated to do something. If your life is calm and good, you tend to keep doing the same thing. Look at this site, for example. When a BS gets advice, sometimes it's "file for divorce". That's to motivate the wayward to act and quickly. It's harsh treatment to light a fire under their ass. 

I don't know if I answered your question. I tried. 

Edit: Don't hang me ladies, but I chuckle when I think, "I don't think any of my dad's brothers and sisters were born in a hospital." No, it's not really funny, except when you compare what the wives back then had to face and the husbands, too. 

I think there were mid-wives that had to be paid somehow. If you could afford them, you got one. Most of the time, I think it was a woman(women) relative(s) that helped and/or the oldest daughter. Mothers gave birth at home. You talk about tough women? How important does that make women? Wow! Vitally important, I'd say. You think their husbands didn't appreciate that?

Sure, some didn't. Shame was on their family. They didn't really get away with it if they didn't do the right things. They'd have to leave town if they were that bad. All their own family would never or rarely speak to them.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

My ex actually told me 'thank you' wasn't necessary for things we were 'responsible' for. We ended up divorced.

My SO and I are always telling each other how much we appreciate each other. I've never felt so loved and he says the same.

We have limited time and spend it with others by our choice. I choose to be with someone who appreciates me and whom I can appreciate. It doesn't have to be the words 'thank you' but the meaning must be there, I think.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I was always one to say thank you, and always got one in return. Many times I was thanked first!  You know, your partner doesnt HAVE to go out of their way to give you pleasure, that is a gift that you give each other because you love and care about one another. If you enjoy it, it seems right to say thank you. (THANK you, no, thank YOU, no, thank YOU!)


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> Do you say thank you to your SO after sex? Or do they thank you for it?
> 
> **How much appreciation do you show?**


Not immediately afterwards..

I'm spent! All I can do is roll over and lounge in the afterglow...

And my wife... Well. I can tell how good it was by how sensitive she is... as in, "don't touch me" and she's trembling...

and right after that... she starts snoring.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

We don't thank each other. We lay in each other's arms and do a play-by-play recall of every awesome moment. We talk about every part we really got off on. I love that part


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> You know, your partner doesnt HAVE to go out of their way to give you pleasure, that is a gift that you give each other because you love and care about one another.


And this is why saying "thank you", in this context, bristles me so.

My wife and I made promises to pleasure one another. It's as much apart of our vows as forsaking all others and sticking by one another in sickness and in health. 

We don't view giving pleasure as "going out of our way". I find that line of thinking about marital sex to be extremely unhealthy.

So if my wife started thanking me for sex because I "went out of my way" and I really "didn't HAVE to do it" I'd be very disconcerted. And she would be on the vice versa.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

On average, no. But there was a time about a month ago. I needed her. It wasn't love, not even lust. But I needed her, and we both knew that there was nothing in it for her. I thanked her afterwards. But we've had sex a dozen times since, and no thanks have been exchanged.


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## pinotnoir (Jul 13, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> Do you say thank you to your SO after sex? Or do they thank you for it?
> 
> **How much appreciation do you show?**


If we'd ever have sex, maybe I would say thank you. But I would hope we would both enjoy it and no thank you's needed.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I never say "thank you!" Guess that I'm just too romantic at heart. 

I'll just gaze deep into her eyes, smile, and say, "I love you!"*


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I sometimes say "Thanks Studley!!" And he says, "For what?" And I tell him..... "for those awesome hands, that hot mouth, warm body and my favorite d**k in the whole world." Then if I'm able to stand upright, I might show my appreciation by going downstairs and making him a peanut butter sandwich. 

When he says thanks, he says it something like this "Thank you S, for being in my life.... for making our sex life so hot.... for making me happy all the time.... for peanut butter sandwiches..." He is the sweetest, sexiest man ever!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I usually say "that was hot...you're so fn sexy..." or something along those lines. He says how lucky he is, strokes my hair.

If it's been about him receiving oral pleasure, usually afterwards he's a bit dazed or fusses over making me a cup of tea lol (which I find adorable). He'll say how amazing it felt, how good I looked and such. It might be the next day that he'll say thank you and that he's still thinking on it. 

If the focus has been just on my receiving pleasure, I've been known to verbally recap details to him, in admiration of his skills. 

I hadn't really thought about this before, but he thanks me for oral and I thank him when he's given me a relaxing massage.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Wow. Not the responses I would have imagined. I always thank my wife and tell her how fabulous making love to her is, although she tells me it is not necessary. We all thAnk our SOs for smaller things on a daily basis. Why not thank them for allowing us to make love to them. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> Wow. Not the responses I would have imagined. I always thank my wife and tell her how fabulous making love to her is, although she tells me it is not necessary. We all thAnk our SOs for smaller things on a daily basis. *Why not thank them for allowing us to make love to them.*
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess because with my STBW it's never felt like something we were "allowed" to do to each other. It's just a part of "us" and who we are as a couple. Like holding hands, kissing, telling each other about our days...


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## Abra-Brie (Oct 20, 2013)

I've never said "Thank you". 

My receipt has it printed at the bottom!

I"m JOKING!!!


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I always say it. Since I'm the HD/initiator, I figured I can initiate that, too.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

I have never told her "Thank you"..

BUT, I do frequently tell her, "God that was awesome!"


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

My wife, or stbxw, said thank you after sex more than once in the beginning, and I never knew how to respond when she did and just kinda sat in stunned silence really, it is so wrong a thing to say after such an intimate act, I was too inexperienced to see the red flags back then though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The whole idea of saying thank you after sex just seems so corny/awkward... bleh


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

The Mrs and i don't say Thank you right after our orgasms ...... we're often out of breath anyways 

Usually a bit later or the next day a subtle comment like " That was hot last night " or " You were something else this morning " is our simple way of thanking one another.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I'd rather be abstinent than hear a man tell me "thank you".


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't say thank you  That's weird.

I do, however, give a high 5.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I'm usually too knackered to do more than gasp "Holy F***"


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My husband always grins when I'm unable to speak after he's had his way with me


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I don't say thank you, I just leave a tip. When she gets offended I remind her that I was totally upfront with her when I said, "c'mon baby, just the tip."

Integrity is important.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

yes...but i dont use the words "thank you"

I tell her how awesome it was and how much I enjoyed the time with her...that IS saying thankyou, without making it sound like you are thanking them for doing you a favor or something

tell them how great it was, offer to get them a glass of wine afterwards or a towel, or uncuff them from the bed post...cuddle, snuggle, playful banter, humor...just make the moments AFTER sex really nice and meaningful and thats ALL the thanks they should need...


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