# How does a man know he's good in bed.....



## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

I read this thread and yes it is another sad story......

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...ears-wifes-passion-gone-there-any-anyway.html

What I wondered and have mentioned over & over is how the heck does a man know he's good in bed. I am caring, compassionate, giving and enthusiastic, but does that make me a good lover? 

You can be creative, last long, be imaginative...... however the only thing I have that gives me any feedback as to my so-called skill is my spouse orgasming..... and of course that she hasn't left after 25+ years.....

So tell me men, how like the thread I linked do you know you are good in bed.....


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

You know whie you're doing it if its one of your good nights or you totally suck. When you're married for a long time, there will be some nights where you just don't have the energy to give it your all, even though yor mind is all in. 

I don't even need to scrutinize my wife's reactions much to ascertain my performance scorecard. Even f you make her cum, it coud be one of your off nights. Thats not always te barometer. 

The other night, my wife and I had very good to great sex and I feel I was a 7/8. I know. I can do better, even though it appeared to be ok from what I was seeing and hearing from her. But we know when we can step it up a notch.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

As a woman, I'd probably be very obvious about it if you were good in bed...know what I mean?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

comunication,comunication,comunication........

when her a$$hole is winking at you and shes flowing like a river now your doing something.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

justbidingtime said:


> You can be creative, last long, be imaginative...... however the only thing I have that gives me any feedback as to my so-called skill is my spouse orgasming..... and of course that she hasn't left after 25+ years.....


Ha ha, I just asked my husband this question this morning, his reply >> "because his wife stays with him". I also know for him... the barometer *IS* ...*My orgasm*. This means EVERYTHING TO HIM...he is a master at holding out for me. 

I know this question was asked of the MEN... but I have some thoughts on it. 

Although I have only been with 1 Lover, I have nothing to compare... I feel what makes the Best lovers - has less to do with "technique" -but how the experience makes one feel inside, the emotional stirrings that bind us in the physical, it is the culmination of everything we are feeling deep within, but can't express in words somehow ~how this giving of pleasure makes us feel about ourselves even. Isn't this the ultimate of "highs"? 

But I've always been an easy orgasm !

Even as a woman, if I couldn't get my husband off, I'd feel heartbroken somehow, I NEED that, HIS pleasure is MY Pleasure, we both feel very deeply in this. Some may feel that is Ego, but I don't, we want to bring our partners where we are, those heights, experiencing it all together. 

TO HIM.. My pleasure & coming back for more = his Lover rank in bed. (I tend to view it the same, wouldn't we all??)

If one has a low drive spouse though, this gets complicated, as the act just holds less allure, affectionate holding may be enough for many wives... they don't crave or need the physical as their husbands do (His Test levels are 10 times higher generally)........ or Resentment has set in -which can hamper the desire to "please" their husbands or they grow to resent their higher craving for more sex, and it's NOT the good lovers fault, as he may be bending over backwards to please, be creative, all of it. They just don't need the extra stimulation. 

Even when my hormones started slipping, shifting from HIGH insatiable "couldn't get enough" Drive -downshifting into normal/decent Drive... I am still CRAVING him terribly...what drives us both these days is more of the "emotional" -but still we want those orgasms... In this way, he must be a hell of a lover... or I just have alot going on inbetween my ears -- yeah.. I know this is the case too !  

Making Love , to me, is like an ongoing emotional High, it is something I anticipate, relaxes me, and brings the ultimate connection between us.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I don't think you can be 'good in bed' if you are worrying about being good in bed. 

I think you should think of it in terms of chemistry, rather than you being a good performer. Sometimes being good in bed means just letting loose and doing what _you _want to do.


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

The point I was making is that in the other thread the Husband claimed emphatically that he was good.

All I know is that I am doing something right and happy that my wife does O.......


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

justbidingtime said:


> The point I was making is that in the other thread the Husband claimed emphatically that he was good


Yes, I would never claim I was good in bed, but we do have great sex...together.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> As a woman, I'd probably be very obvious about it if you were good in bed...know what I mean?


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> *You know whie you're doing it if its one of your good nights or you totally suck. When you're married for a long time, there will be some nights where you just don't have the energy to give it your all, even though yor mind is all in. *
> .


:iagree::iagree:

I know its good when she cannot get off the bed because her legs are shaking and her body is limp after sex.

I know its bad when she glares  at me after sex.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

stritle said:


> good is easy to tell.
> 
> *bad is followed by a buzzing noise and lack of breakfast in the morning.*


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Just ask your lady.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

If my neighbors are complaining about the noise we"re making in the middle of the night then I know ummmmm I'm good


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Carribean 
I like your wife. She's a winner.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

This is a howler


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Couldn't resist.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

I guess it's one of those self-doubt/self-esteem problems.

At least if it's something you're aware of, it means you aren't so selfish that you don't care what it's like for your wife.

My wife tells me I'm good, so that's nice to hear. Of course her experience is extremely limited, so I may actually be pretty bad - but so long as she thinks I'm good, that's all that matters, right?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

No simple answer as every woman is different.

That being said; if my wife is writhing, moaning, pelvic thrusting, speaking in unknown tongues and referring to me as a deity; then I know Im on target that night!


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> No simple answer as every woman is different.
> 
> That being said; if my wife is writhing, moaning, pelvic thrusting, speaking in unknown tongues and referring to me as a deity; then I know Im on target that night!


That's the point, you only know from your spouse's response and fortunately for me my wife orgasms. But that's it that's all..... I know and am sure about very little else.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

When she says/shouts.

"Don't stop, keep doing that"


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

It's not* good unless you put her to sleep lol. I actually saw that in a mens health magazine that its a form of gratification for a woman to go to sleep after sex, just like a man. I use to be like that when I was younger but now Im usually superman now. Unless its really good or I am just all in mentally too then I will be wide awake.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

For me. sex is good when DW said nothing. When it's bad. she will complain to me. And I never know when sex is so good or great, becoz she never said anything after sex.
And I dont want to ask, becoz it will like nagging her, "It's good/great for me, how do feel about it?" lol...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Short answer: who cares?


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## roger boschman (Aug 3, 2012)

justbidingtime said:


> I read this thread and yes it is another sad story......
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...ears-wifes-passion-gone-there-any-anyway.html
> 
> ...


Several ways. One, she keeps calling out for God. Then, after, when you are cuddling, she says:"That was fantastic." And maybe even "Thank you."
You know you have done something right! Roger G. Boschman, Therapist.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

1. I definitely support the chemistry issue. I've been a great lover to 2 women (current wife in that), 1 good and 1 bad (ex wife). It was about how we connected, shared etc. On the flip side of that equation. I've had 1 MIND BLOWING woman as a lover (my wife), 1 good, 1 "first lover had no idea either way" and 1 AWFUL (ex wife). It's about the relationship and how you address sex, and then how much attention and observation you put into it.

2. I can tell my wife likes it by either the comments afterward, such as "How do you keep getting better" and the hundreds of times over the last couple years I've heard how THAT orgasm was one of the best ever. LOL I love how my wife talks after sex.

3. She falls asleep after sex 99% of the time. It WIPES her out (and she's a monogasmer LOL). 

4. The other one is like last night where she's lying there not moving and just staring without a smile on her face after her orgasm. I was thinking something was bothering her because she's never silent for a good 10-20 minutes after sex doing nothing so I asked her if she was okay or was something bothering her. Her words "I just want to keep feeling what's going on down here" as she motions over her entire lower half. 

That to me is the most satisfying aspect of sex. Having my woman feel things she hasn't felt before even after over 7 years together.


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> 1. I definitely support the chemistry issue. I've been a great lover to 2 women (current wife in that), 1 good and 1 bad (ex wife). It was about how we connected, shared etc. On the flip side of that equation. I've had 1 MIND BLOWING woman as a lover (my wife), 1 good, 1 "first lover had no idea either way" and 1 AWFUL (ex wife). It's about the relationship and how you address sex, and then how much attention and observation you put into it.
> 
> 2. I can tell my wife likes it by either the comments afterward, such as "How do you keep getting better" and the hundreds of times over the last couple years I've heard how THAT orgasm was one of the best ever. LOL I love how my wife talks after sex.
> 
> ...


You are one lucky man........ 

As for the others I don't think my OP was answered (or was it?) as again most don't have any idea outside the response from their SO and that I guess was the point.....


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

rj700 said:


> View attachment 1634
> 
> Couldn't resist.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

All I know is that EVERY time I give her oral, after her body stops shaking and her moaning stops she says, "WOW!!! You sure are good at that!!!"

Another thing about the mention of menopause in that post. It is not the same for every woman. My wife is 56, her periods are almost non-existent (I know, she will be in full menopause after a year of no periods) and she has not had a single hot-flash or mood change. Add to that, her sexual desire has not changed.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

When she says 'you must be the best lover in the world' 
or
When she says 'no not again, three is enough'
or
When she says 'no not again, this one is so intens I want to keep the feeling'


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

needguidance said:


> It's not* good unless you put her to sleep lol. I actually saw that in a mens health magazine that its a form of gratification for a woman to go to sleep after sex, just like a man. I use to be like that when I was younger but now Im usually superman now. Unless its really good or I am just all in mentally too then I will be wide awake.


i'd always heard growing up that after sex the man falls asleep while the woman is supposed to be wide awake. imagine my surprise lately, my wife and i have amazing sex now and she almost always goes to sleep right after. i thought something was wrong. good to know that it's normal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Seppuku said:


> i'd always heard growing up that after sex the man falls asleep while the woman is supposed to be wide awake. imagine my surprise lately, my wife and i have amazing sex now and she almost always goes to sleep right after. i thought something was wrong. good to know that it's normal.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's TOTALLY normal. Reading this is actually eye opening. For me and my wife, when she orgasms, because she can't do multiple, it's always one REALLY intense one (like sitting halfway up if she's laying down, screaming or needing to suck on my tongue if there's people around, digging her fingers into things while toes curl...that's her "normal" orgasm). She falls asleep or at least she's totally wiped afterwards. For me, I get energized afterwards. Maybe once in a blue moon, she'll give me a BJ that wipes me out but that's like twice a year and I think is just a day where I was physically wiped before hand. I can't fall asleep for at least a couple hours afterwards.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Seppuku said:


> i'd always heard growing up that after sex the man falls asleep while the woman is supposed to be wide awake. imagine my surprise lately, my wife and i have amazing sex now and she almost always goes to sleep right after. i thought something was wrong. good to know that it's normal.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same here. I typically stay up late and love the late night conversations with the W, but if we have sex, I know that I'm on my own after that. Afterwards she is whiped out, smiling, and spent, and all she wants to do is go to sleep. It's like a fast acting sleeping pill for her.


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