# Should I get a divorse -need advise please



## CP123 (Jun 1, 2009)

Hi - I'm new to these forums and are really in need of some unbiased advise.

I am 29 years old, married for almost 5 years and have no children.

A couple details about my husband:
He was molested when he was about 11 years old (he’s now 30). He did not tell me this until we were married. Because of his abuse as a child, he thinks he is sexually “wired” differently then me. He would like to have sex all the time, as I only want sex 3-4 times a week. He also has asked me to do things sexually that I’m not comfortable with (like threesomes, etc.). We have both talked about this and agree that our expectations for sex are different. He was diagnosed with ADHD 1.5 years ago, shortly after his infidelity. As a result of his ADHD &/or medication, he is often moody ( high highs, low lows) – this is a completely separate issue to the infidelity but thought it bares mentioning as this is also a reason for my post.

My husband cheated on me about 1.5 years ago. It was a 1 night stand that he initiated with someone via craigslist (a complete stranger). I considered leaving him then but felt sympathetic because he was very remorseful and said he was not thinking clearly, and blames it partially on being abused as a child. 

We have tried to work through it and have gone to some marriage counseling . . .and after about 6 months it seemed our relationship was starting to heal. I have forgiven him for this, but seem to not be able to forget it; it still crosses my mind frequently. I feel like the main flaw in our relationship is that I do not get enough emotional intimacy from him (conversation, quality time, etc.). He would say the flaw is not enough sex. 

We have lived on the east coast for the last 3 years (originally from the west coast). My husband just recently changed jobs and moved back to the west coast (mainly because he hated the area we lived in on the east coast). I’ve stayed behind on the east coast to get our house sold, etc. I truly do not have any desire to move back to the west coast aside from living closer to my family again; I actually really like living on the east coast. I love the job that I have here and the people that I’ve met.

I’m just really torn about what I should do. I feel that my husband is one of my best friends, but just don’t know if that’s enough to keep us going. I would like to have children one day, and fear that due to his past and mental state he would not make a good father. 

All thoughts, advise, questions greatly appreciated.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

You either have to let it go or move on you can not live in a history book. You have to make up your mind and ask your self how much can I take. What are you getting out of this relationship.

I say stay if that makes you happy but love and sex die down as we get older what you have in the long run is each other.


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## osvaldo1321 (May 3, 2009)

Get a Divorce! You are lucky not to have children with this fellow. You can start fresh with a new life in your future. Do it while you are still young. Good Luck!


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

If he's already gone West, and you're not missing him, not excited about reuniting, sounds to me like a break is needed. But, know that he might not be there for you if you decide to go back. Either way, for you and for him, please be honest. What if you told him how you're feeling? What if he agreed? It might make you feel more confident about leaving. On the other hand, what if he absolutely breaks down wanting you. Seems like sharing your feelings with him will help make your decision much easier. Go for it.


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