# Did I get Friend Zoned 🤔



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Ok so had a date from a guy I met online . We found out we had mutual friends... last night we went to a bar that his meetup group was hosting a bday bash.
We eat dinner then hang out and enjoy the bday bash. Good banter, jokes, some flirting.
Now he’s always said how cute I am, and how he wonders why I’m sitting next to such a beast ( he’s big and burly but not ugly) I’m small and petite and he says women my size don’t talk to him. Anyways, we leave the bar hours later and head to take me home. Convo is flowing etc. I get home, he walks me up and I have him come in cause my balcony is connected to my neighbors, and I wanted to talk quietly and privately. I thanked him for a nice evening and he said yes I had fun. Got a hug and he left.
I’m a little confused cause most men I’ve been with have tried or kissed me. 
This morning I texted and nothing for several hours. Then I see him on and off the online dating site. 
Is he not interested I’m presuming?
We have been out a few times prior to this and he has mentioned that he like to kiss me. So last night he had his chance and didn’t so I guess I didn’t make the cut or he’s a player?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sue, I wouldn't rule him out completely but he is either super dense and can't read your signals or he is afraid that if this does not work out it will lead to future awkward moments.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Sounds to me like he is expecting rejection, self-fulfilling failure.

When you see him be connected, but when/if the opportunity happens again, wait, insist (in your thinking) that he make the first move.

You will mean so much more to him if you do!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

If the zone that you 'think' he placed you is uncomfortable then step outside of this space.

I would text him, tell him you enjoyed his company.....and....hoped he enjoyed yours.

I suspect he did not. 
Tis' the chemistry thing, not a thing wrong with you.

But, not one of us, nor you is privy to his 'private' thoughts, nor in 'general' his thinking.

Send him the simple text that I wrote. 
If it pleases you.

I would.


The Typist I-


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Makes sense! I guess I’ve seen him online all day off and on it’s like he’s chatting with another. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to text.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> Makes sense! I guess I’ve seen him online all day off and on it’s like he’s chatting with another. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to text.


Don’t text.
Ring.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Don’t text.
> Ring.


I personally wouldn't contact him at all. He knows how to reach you if he wants to, and he knows you're interested - you invited him up to your home.

Next.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

frusdil said:


> I personally wouldn't contact him at all. He knows how to reach you if he wants to, and he knows you're interested - you invited him up to your home.
> 
> Next.


Or he may be incapable of reading signals.
The op herself said he is not exactly handsome so he mightn’t have had the courage to act for fear of ruining the relationship so early.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Exactly how many times have you physically been out with him?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

This was our 4th outing


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> *This was our 4th outing.*


*I think that a 5th meeting is absolutely necessary, in order to sit across the table from him, if for no other reason, just to see what his eyes tell you!

Please keep in mind that you have to be the proactive one to arrange that meeting, remembering that if he refuses or relents to even meet with you, then you've been duly "friend zoned!"*


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't know. If a guy hasn't gone in for a kiss by the fourth date, something is wrong IMO. At least it would be for my generation which doesn't buy green bananas.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Thanks guys. I haven’t heard from him, and all day yesterday he was online. So I will see if he gets in contact with me today, and go from there! If not, then on to the next lol

Dating sux! 😂


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Sue4473 said:


> Thanks guys. I haven’t heard from him, and all day yesterday he was online. So I will see if he gets in contact with me today, and go from there! If not, then on to the next lol
> 
> Dating sux! 😂


Sue, I see this one didn't quite go your way at this point but you seem to be in a better state than before. Like you are handling this in stride, which is great because with that attitude, you will be able to sift through the bad, take it and find the good!


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

If you had already gone out 4 times and he hadn't kissed you yet, then stop wasting your time. He has had three dates to this point to make the effort. Then you gave him the prime opportunity inside your place. Later you texted him and he did not respond. You dodged a bullet with this guy. Either he is too dense to pick up signals, too scared to act on them or just not interested. Let him become someone else's problem or allow him to remain his own. Either way don't make him yours.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Ynot said:


> Let him become someone else's problem or allow him to remain his own. Either way don't make him yours.


This is very, very good advice.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

**Update**

Ok I texted- Hey!
Did I say or do something? You seem distant after we went out. I hope your doing ok 

He replied- No. I’m good. Just been relaxing and watching tv.

I replied- ok that’s good!

I guess we will see what he does now. Maybe men just troll online all the time lol


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> So last night he had his chance and didn’t so I guess I didn’t make the cut or *he’s a player*?





Sue4473 said:


> Maybe *men just troll online* all the time lol


This is one of the many problems with online dating. 

You and this man are strangers.

Just because he's not showing interest doesn't mean he's a player or a troll. It means he's a stranger.

Until a man puts forth consistent effort, with absolutely no prompting by you, treat him as he deserves to be treated - like a stranger.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

You've had very few dates. It's too early to be dissecting and overthinking.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He knows from your text that you're interested. Don't do anything more.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

A lot of those dating sites also show that your profile is online even when are not online.

You have put the effort in. If he doesn’t message you back or anything just forget about him. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Now that you texted him leave him alone because the ball is in his court. Keep us updated


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Next.

Your text was the sound of a dinner bell ringing and he chose to watch TV instead. Could be lots of reasons; no chemistry, he found someone he likes more, he is playing with you, he's scared to make a move, his genital warts came back...doesn't matter. No need to put more effort into this one. If he's this aloof now, it will most likely get worse later.

Did I mention NEXT?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If a man is interested in you, he will pursue you. He will find the drive and motivation to get in touch with you, make plans with you, spend time with you, and further the relationship with you. If a man isn't doing that, then he's not interested in a relationship with you. Now, there might be various reasons he's not pursuing you, but the reality is that none of those reasons/excuses really matter. All you really need to know is that he's not interested enough to pursue you. It doesn't much matter why.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Sue4473 said:


> **Update**
> 
> Ok I texted- Hey!
> Did I say or do something? You seem distant after we went out. I hope your doing ok
> ...


He's not interested. If he was he'd try to set a date or at least have a conversation. Don't waste your time on him.


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## PreRaph (Jun 13, 2017)

For Chrissakes what is he waiting for?

That was my first reaction after reading that you've been out with him 4 times and contacted him yourself. I mean really, when a woman contacts you, and does so more than once without being prompted, even the most unobservant of men should start to get the picture. 

It's pretty clear that he doesn't think he's very attractive to the opposite sex (the women your size comment). His level of confidence may be the main thing putting him off, not necessarily you.

But if he won't respond by now, I think it's a lost cause.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

** Update**
After sending him a text asking to get together this week for dinner I heard nothing. So today I said hmm must be a no! Cause I feel you should be a man and say hey I’m not interested. I know silence may speak volumes, but I want you to not be a coward.
Well he comes back with- I was waiting to see what my schedule was this week, and unfortunately it’s going to be busy.

He’s a teacher so he says that he has to put grades in and etc.
Folks I think we have a certified bs here what do you think lol


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

If he didn't provide an alternative time to get together, yeah, just move along.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Or he may be incapable of reading signals.
> The op herself said he is not exactly handsome so he mightn’t have had the courage to act for fear of ruining the relationship so early.


Both of these things are likely true.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I was originally going to say that after 4 dates, he may have gotten a bad signal from you. But if he hasn’t taken the next step and you are fishing for everything, then why waste your time. At best, he knows you will continue to fish for him and at worst, you are wasting your time. 4 dates should be developing into something or end it.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Yes I totally agree! I’m not gonna waste my time! He’s obviously keeping me on the hook and searching online and will continue to string me along. Nope, nada, never! 

I’m not tooting my own horn, but I’m too cute for him and have much more class than to chase a man. There’s so much out there online that is so easy to ghost and move on to the next.

So, as another poster posted..
I will NEXT him!!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> Yes I totally agree! I’m not gonna waste my time! He’s obviously keeping me on the hook and searching online and will continue to string me along. Nope, nada, never!
> 
> I’m not tooting my own horn, but I’m too cute for him and have much more class than to chase a man. There’s so much out there online that is so easy to ghost and move on to the next.
> 
> ...


Yeah you should “next” this guy,he had ample opportunities to meet you but never acted on them. 
Sue this may help you going forward. When I was in the dating game I wouldn’t wait around for my date to call me. If I enjoyed the date I would RING her the next day and tell her how much I enjoyed the date and meeting her and I would ask her how did she feel about meeting again. She either said yes or no but either way I wasn’t left hanging around waiting. 
You may feel that you shouldn’t have to chase a man but a simple call would remove a lot of overthinking on your part. 
Remember faint heart never won fair lady(or gentleman)


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

So far, you've sent two more texts than was wise. The guy isn't interested - stop chasing him. He could be thinking he dodged a bullet.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

I feel very unqualified to give any dating advice here Sue but will parrot the others and for future thinking - most guys don't like being chased and most won't need this if they are really interested. For me at least (and presume for many men) our natural instinct is to be the one to chase. Feels weird to have the tables turned. When I think of any of the girls that 'chased' me before I met my wife, I just lost interest and maybe even a bit of respect (don't mean that harshly). Guys will certainly enjoy the validation of a girl doing this though and may even string along so don't play into that. You are the prize and there are plenty of others out there.

Remember this too if he comes back around. He probably will when he senses that you've moved on. If he was interested and serious about finding someone it wouldn't have been like that to begin with.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> ** Update**
> After sending him a text asking to get together this week for dinner I heard nothing. *So today I said hmm must be a no! Cause I feel you should be a man and say hey I’m not interested. I know silence may speak volumes, but I want you to not be a coward.*
> Well he comes back with- I was waiting to see what my schedule was this week, and unfortunately it’s going to be busy.
> 
> ...



Op, did you really send him a message containing that bit in bold? Seriously?!? 

If so, then it was both unnecessary and rather unkind. He didn't respond when you asked him out again. That's a clear statement that he wasn't interested enough to respond. You already had your answer. There was absolutely no need to scold, admonish him to be a man, or call him a coward. Next time, not only recognize that silence speaks volumes, but also that your own silence in return is all that's required. Just recognize you two weren't a compatible match and move along.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

BigDigg said:


> I feel very unqualified to give any dating advice here Sue but will parrot the others and for future thinking - most guys don't like being chased and most won't need this if they are really interested. For me at least (and presume for many men) our natural instinct is to be the one to chase. Feels weird to have the tables turned. When I think of any of the girls that 'chased' me before I met my wife, I just lost interest and maybe even a bit of respect (don't mean that harshly). Guys will certainly enjoy the validation of a girl doing this though and may even string along so don't play into that. You are the prize and there are plenty of others out there.
> .


I have to disagree here. I take the first step by approaching and asking a woman out on a date and setting up the plans, but after that I expect the woman to chase after me by initiating texts/phone calls to show she's interested. I'll then reciprocate by setting dates or responding to her texts/calls to show I'm mutually interested. It's a delicate balance but once you have it figured out it makes dating really easy because it maintains a traditional relationship polarity. For the guys used to women chasing after them it becomes a very natural and comfortable position to be in. 

What the OP did here by contacting the guy a couple times was clearly show her interest in him. The guy didn't reciprocate so she knows he isn't interested and has chosen to let this potential relationship end. The key thing is both people were communicating very clearly with their actions what their interest levels were and the OP was just taking a little while to decide to judge him by his actions and not his words.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

@Andy1001 When did you become so understanding about men not taking charge in a dating situation. What about three dates max before sex rule.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Bananapeel said:


> What the OP did here by contacting the guy a couple times was clearly show her interest in him. The guy didn't reciprocate so she knows he isn't interested and has chosen to let this potential relationship end. The key thing is both people were communicating very clearly with their actions what their interest levels were and the OP was just taking a little while to decide to judge him by his actions and not his words.


Bingo.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Bingo.


:smnotworthy:

A truer word has never been spoken!

:smnotworthy::smnotworthy::smnotworthy:

I really just wanted to get my post next to Deejo.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Decorum said:


> :smnotworthy:
> 
> A truer word has never been spoken!
> 
> ...


LOL. Suck up.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I'm like the Dark Lord, if the Dark Lord had ADHD.



Decorum said:


> :smnotworthy:
> 
> A truer word has never been spoken!
> 
> ...


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I’m Doing good guys!!
He’s still online and I haven’t texted him!’ I’m moving on. 
Don’t need him 😊


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> ** Update**
> After sending him a text asking to get together this week for dinner I heard nothing. So today I said hmm must be a no! Cause I feel you should be a man and say hey I’m not interested. I know silence may speak volumes, but I want you to not be a coward.
> Well he comes back with- I was waiting to see what my schedule was this week, and unfortunately it’s going to be busy.
> 
> ...


Oh Sue...you didn't did you?? Eek. Honey - after he blew you off (ignored you) that should have been it (I wouldn't have text him that other time...). 



Sue4473 said:


> Yes I totally agree! I’m not gonna waste my time! *He’s obviously keeping me on the hook* and searching online and will continue to string me along. Nope, nada, never!


No he's not honey. He's ignoring you. You're desperately chasing him down.


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