# Definition of a man



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Open thread here...

I see alot of posts on this forum about alpha/beta/nice guy/etc etc and within these topics you get the occassional poster who says "be a REAL MAN". Now this "real man" can be defined very differently amongst different cultures, sub-cultures and even within individual circles.

Now there will always be the "ideal man", tough, masculine, ballsy etc etc (yet some women don't even like that lol), but what are the core definitions that makes a man, either than ballsacs? Your opinions? From other men prefered but women are welcome.

For me I was raised to believe that being a man comes down to the ability to accept and shoulder responsibility, to be self-sufficient and hold their own, to be independent and able to provide for himself and if desired - his family. As such, the primary image for me of what a man should be comes down to being a provider.

As a result in the past I was also quite intimidated by women wealthier than me. So this standard led me to certain insecurities, which isn't very manly come to think of it is it?

Throughout my marriage I seemed to have achieved the title of a provider, yet I was not an ideal man. I was not always cool, calm and collected with my wife, and had no quarms about raising my voice or wrestling her if she tried to be physical with me. At times I can also be uncompromising, so I've never really been the "model gentleman". Does that make me less of a man?

Yet I compromised with sex, because for me to say no to a beautiful woman... well, lets just say I was raised to believe that it was "unmanly", and that led to my seperation and impending divorce today. Was I manly to give in to my wife's sexual desires, or was I a doormat in comparison?

I never understood the concept of sticking to your guns/N.U.T.S/boundaries until I joined this forum. Hell I even thought I had it all covered, foolish me. What's your definition of a man? And hell should we as men really depend on such a diverse definition to define our personal character?


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

My definition doesn't differ a whole lot form yours. I see manhood as taking up the mantle of responsibility, capable of making decisions and standing in them, accepting the consequences of said decisions, both good and bad.

I'm sure there are lots of traits that are seen as ideally masculine...but I don't think there is anymore more masculine than a guy who owns up to what he's got to do...and operates with integrity upon what is the right thing.

There is such a thing as sacrifice and being giving towards those we love...but I think it ought to be recognized when we are actually laying down our lives for someone's betterment...or just doing something to placate someone or avoid argument. Us men shouldn't ever compromise our integrity for another's selfish request or tantrum...that just dissolves our respect, self-respect and abdicates our power in a bad way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Do you think this definition is universal though? If not, should it be? From what I've read here on this forum, I don't know. Yet can men really argue that?

I noticed a few posts in regards to some men who pretty much do nothing while their wives carry both the household and financial burden. To me, they aren't men at all, but isn't that harsh? Perhaps they may just have a different definition/standard of what a man is.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Well, the smarta$$ answer is that a real man doesn't allow anyone else to define what manhood is for him. Confidence in himself, integrity, and comfort in his own skin make him a man.

I guess I'd refer back to that oft-quoted post by Marduk. That post was one of the first things I read on this site and is one of the single best posts ever made here. All those points are not just about being a strong husband and leader in your family, but also being a man.

Believe in yourself, embrace who and what you are, warts and all, and the rest will take care of itself.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I think Kipling said it all:-


IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Convection said:


> I guess I'd refer back to that oft-quoted post by Marduk. That post was one of the first things I read on this site and is one of the single best posts ever made here. All those points are not just about being a strong husband and leader in your family, but also being a man.


Well I just read that Marduk post.
Excellent post!
Thanks for posting the link.
It should be a sticky here in the men's section.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Convection said:


> Well, the smarta$$ answer is that a real man doesn't allow anyone else to define what manhood is for him. Confidence in himself, integrity, and comfort in his own skin make him a man.


That's pretty much it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

You already seen this Random and gave me a Like, but for the heck of it... I am throwing it on your thread anyway.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I don't know. 

But I've shot and skinned five bears, mostly grizzlies, all of whom had very bad intentions on me. So I think I'm okay.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Pat Tillman
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Strattec (Apr 27, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Yet I compromised with sex, because for me to say no to a beautiful woman... well, lets just say I was raised to believe that it was "unmanly", and that led to my seperation and impending divorce today. Was I manly to give in to my wife's sexual desires, or was I a doormat in comparison?
> 
> I never understood the concept of sticking to your guns/N.U.T.S/boundaries until I joined this forum.


Well, if you compromised with sex meaning you just gave her sex when she wanted it, I don't see what's wrong with that. If you compromised by letting her have sex with some other guy while you watched, then that's not manly.

It's never good to be a doormat or even too nice to your wife. Your wife won't respect you and it usually will cause serious problems in a marriage.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

I think a man is someone who will stand by your side in tough times.

Will hold you when your sad.

Will love you when you need it

Will keep his promises

A man is not a money machine he is your partner in this tough world.

A man is someone who just loves you, not beta, alpha, but himself.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

What makes a man?
A variety of things define a man.
Yes all the manly things,can you hunt?Support a family of four,fix the vehicles?The roof? Can you fight?
These are good things to be able to do.
Most important,do you have patience?Can you be a leader without being a dictator?
Can you teach,be vunerable around your wife,love,give,trust?
Family comes first but can you friends also depend on you? 
It might be old school but I also listen to my wife and kids.
Being big,loud,physically strong and a know it all does not make a man.
I'm a steelworker,that does not make me a man.....
My wife does however.
In her eyes and my kids,I'm not just a man.
I am THE man......all I need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I think that modern western society is making the man’s role less defined.

Whilst in the majority of cases men are still expected to provide (financial & physically) for the family they are now also expected to take on a share of the housework / child rearing roles that were traditionally reserved for women.

For myself it is about balance, yes I have done many traditional male things, Captain of the swim team, served in the military, wilderness survival, husband, father, sole / main bread winner, Mr fixit etc. I have also done many things that were in the past seen as female roles, delivered my second child (and was at the birth of all 5), changed nappies, bathed kids, cleaned the house, cooked meals and looked after the sickly. 

There has been a similar change in women’s role, many women now have to work outside the home in order to make ends meet and consequently need help around the home but IMHO there is a difference If a women chooses or aspires to be a SAHM then it is thought “normal” but if a man wants to JUST be the bread winner / head of the household without assisting around the home it is often seen as selfish.


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