# 7 year old Daughter's Bday?



## crash test (Sep 6, 2013)

going thru the big D and trying to agree on certain custody issues...one of which is our 7year old D's birthday...any suggestions on how to work that out? Should each parent get to see her on her actual bday? this year her bday falls on a Wed...my thought is that whoever has physical custody of her that day takes her to dinner or does whatever...the other parent can call and talk, wish happy bday etc. Since we alternate weekends each parent can "celebrate" with daughter on their specific weekend (either the weekend before or the weekend after)....the ex wants each parent to be able to "visit" child on actual bday...meaning, if bday this year falls on my day, the ex can take her to "breakfast" etc... I'm not in favor because it means daughter misses some school to go to "breakfast"... thougths?

Thanks!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

We alternate. On her birthday the parent who gets that year, is allowed to visit from 4pm-8pm for dinner out or whatever. Since she primarily lives with me I don't recall it ever falling on one of his weekends, but I think it has worked out fine. If he picks her up after school and spends the afternoon with her and goes out to dinner, even if she has desert w/ the candle at the restaurant, I can give her a present in the morning before school or leave early enough for McDonald's breakfast treat (or Starbucks now that she's 15) on the way to school and in the evenings there is still time for other presents or an intimate celebration. The closest weekend is usually for parties/friends/grandparents/etc.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I am most definitely NOT in favor of missing school so one parent can have alone time on a birthday. This is one of pains of divorce. The non-custodial can call, send cards (kids this age love receiving mail), and make a big deal about having two birthday celebrations.
How are you guys handling major holidays?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

We alternated, mother had him on even numbered years. Father had him on even numbered years.


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## crash test (Sep 6, 2013)

Hi Pluto - we're alternating major holidays like Easter, Thanks and Christmas...now it's determining what constitutes a "major" holiday...the ex wants to include Memorial, Labor day, Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Halloween and New Years Eve/Day. I'd prefer to keep schedule as consistent as possible for Daughter and keep to normal schedule...

as for bday, I think alternating would work because it means neither parent would go 2 years without getting to spend the actual bday with our daughter...

thanks all


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Well it gets a little silly after a while, these custody arrangements. Why not let the father have the kids on Father's Day, and the mother on Mother's Day, regardless of whose week it is. I can say while they are young, alternating Halloween, particularly if you had always dressed up and celebrated. Those things end sooner than anyone wants to imagine. But Memorial Day and Labor Day? Really? I'd object to that. And I do understand. Making the adjustment to being a less than full-time parent is excruciating.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Memorial Day/Labor day are long weekends. We alternate those. Some of these weren't our suggestion but the 'norms' that came from the attorneys. Reason being many parents are off and families take short trips these long weekends. So one year I have Memorial Day weekend while he has Labor Day weekend and then we switch the following year.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

If your 7yo has trouble understanding or coping with the changes, I suggest picking up a copy of the book, Dinosaur's Divorce. 

It helped a lot with my young daughter. It touches on alternating holidays and birthdays in an age appropriate way with illustrated dinosaurs.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

crash test said:


> Hi Pluto - we're alternating major holidays like Easter, Thanks and Christmas...now it's determining what constitutes a "major" holiday...the ex wants to include Memorial, Labor day, Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Halloween and New Years Eve/Day. I'd prefer to keep schedule as consistent as possible for Daughter and keep to normal schedule...


For we alternated Easter, thanksgiving, Labor day, Memorial day, Halloween.

Father had son on Father’s day

Mother had son on Mother’s day.

Alternated son’s birthday

On even years mother had son 5 days before xmas until 9 AM on Christmas. Father had on after 9am on xmas and for the 5 days after. 

On even years mother had son and New Year’s eve. Father had son on New Year’s day. Then alternated on odd numbered years. (a child should see both parents on Christmas day IMHO)

One years mother had son for spring break. Father had son on fall break. This alternated every year.


crash test said:


> as for bday, I think alternating would work because it means neither parent would go 2 years without getting to spend the actual bday with our daughter...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

crash test said:


> going thru the big D and trying to agree on certain custody issues...one of which is our 7year old D's birthday...any suggestions on how to work that out? Should each parent get to see her on her actual bday? this year her bday falls on a Wed...my thought is that whoever has physical custody of her that day takes her to dinner or does whatever...the other parent can call and talk, wish happy bday etc. Since we alternate weekends each parent can "celebrate" with daughter on their specific weekend (either the weekend before or the weekend after)*....the ex wants each parent to be able to "visit" child on actual bday..*.meaning, if bday this year falls on my day, the ex can take her to "breakfast" etc... I'm not in favor because it means daughter misses some school to go to "breakfast"... thougths?
> 
> Thanks!


This is what we do. 3 dates are non negotiable...Christmas, thanksgiving and my daughters birthdays. If it's my day I let my x see them for a couple hours, breakfast or whatever. If it's her day I get the same. Divorce is hard enough and to not allow a parent to see their child on one of those days , least to me, isn't reasonable.


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