# I betrayed my best friend n i miss her even though shes next to me



## cantnwont (Sep 30, 2011)

I'm a 38 yr old m, married for just a lil over 2 yrs now, and 20 days ago i spent time with another woman for sexual relations. My wife confronted me when i got home, and feeling remorseful, yet not wanting to admit my wrong, i tried lying for a few and then wife said if you love you you'll tell me truth, so i did. 
Now 21 days later, we have another counseling session scheduled w dif coun, but am fearfull we wont make the 5 days till then.
I love my wife, and i know what i did was wrong, n i try to talk to her bout it, we were both on drugs for few mnths preceding it, n we had alot going on, i moved business into house and took on 2nd job so she can be a stay at home mom w new baby. she took care of booking appt, taking care of baby, housework...n well we changed from noticing wht the other has done to noticing wht the other hasnt done n being sure to point it out.....
lots that really goes into this n realizing it now that im typing, but anyways one of the women i had for an appt was attracted to my wife and proceeded to tell me so n i was excited by it, as it was my fantasy to be w two women which wife n i had discussed in past n such, well long story short i started txting w this female bout what i thought would be a turn on if her n wife were together, wife picked up on this, but not knowing n course i denied it cuz im an a''' and anyway i met this woman n had relations of oral n spanking but couldnt go through w "it" n told female i cant go through w this, i made horrible mistake, n dropped her off, thats the short of it, anyways sonce then me n wife have talked n i have been completely honest n it just seems to cause more problems. i get defensive when she brings up other woman and says i chose her over my wife n baby, i try to keep defense in check but its hard, and i dont know how to convey that im sorry and i do love her, it was a mistake and id give anything to take it back, i suggested her go have an affair so i to hurt like her cuz i dont know what else to do, she says that'd make her just feel worse cuz it'd hurt me, yeah thats how wonderful she is, i knwo my thoughts are jumping around but im lost n i dont wanna lose my best friend...so if anyone has been through this n can lend some advice or expereince with coping with it either for her or me please do ! gonna have her read this as well cuz i wanna be transparent with her


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Well..coming from someone who recently found out the person they married deceived them..I think the best thing you can do is tell her the truth about EVERYTHING. Why did you think it was appropriate to go behind her back and sleep with someone else? And after you admitted to that, you went to go and do it again. WHY? Have you ever done this before? Even if it was just kissing/touching..anything. 

Are you capable and willing to be with just one person? Do you need attention from other people? 

Its not fair to pull someone else in your life, make a promise to them..and then treat them like S#iT


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## cantnwont (Sep 30, 2011)

i musta miss communicated, i have only done this once, and i have told her bout everything, who, where, when, how, ect. i came completely clean, and your right, i dont have the right to make a vow n break them, im not trying to treat my wife like ****, im looking to reconcile our marraige and am willing to do anything at all to do so, i also understand though i dont wanna admit it, even a lil bit is wrong, we have talked about our sex drives being different and to my wifes credit she has become more adventurous, my problem is frequency, i have been reading other threads from other posters and have read alot of good info from them...i continue to look for answers and guidance


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Sorry if I came off a bit harsh..

Thats great that you know what the problem is then. Being honest and open with her..is exactly what she wants. Admitting that you know what you did was wrong, and that you will take all the necessary steps to help her cope with what you did is a step in the right direction.

I hope the both of you are able to get through this, and work on your problems together. good luck.


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## cantnwont (Sep 30, 2011)

my wife has just pointed out that i haven't answered you questions and i need too, you asked if i am capable and willing to be with one person, to that my answer is honestly, i am willing to be, as far as can i? i'm hoping that outta this experience me and my wife will, well that i will be able to be more open and honest about my sexual desires and hoping that by doing so i can explore them with my wife and as for needing attention from other people, well at the time like i said we were on a drug kick me n wife, n well i was hanging w former buddy and he brags bput women he has n such, well i've only been in 2 relationships and the 1st cheated on me constantly, perhaps i wanted the ego boost, im not sure, i do know that at the time me n wife were both belittling each other and well i will search deeper into that, im a former convict and serious drug addict and for the past 5 years that ive been with my wife, i have learned a new way of life, a life i was proud of, the life i miss


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

The fact that your able to be honest now, means something. 

Good luck with achieving the life you wish to attain with your life.


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