# On line dating site



## Pokie (May 11, 2014)

I too have a husband who is on these dating sites. We have been married 40 years !!! He started 4 years ago. He says she is just a friend. He has spent our entire savings on this site plus run up all his credit cards to finance his chats. After a holiday in Greece last year, he left me at the airport and flew to her in the Ukraine, still telling me she means nothing to him !! He bought her perfume and soap. He just left me at the airport, didnt even tell me where he was going to !! He says he hasnt changed towards me. I cant keep up with his lies and secrecy and honestly dont know where to go from here. He refuses to stop writing to her. I know the girls on this Russian site are trained well, they are very clever and keep the men chatting to make them spend more. The site is a scam. Can anyone throw light on what I should do.....I dont have the means to leave. Must I just put up with his behaviour and live a seperate life ?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why are you putting up with this?

He's lying to you. He's destroying you financially. For what? For a scam pulled off by an internet prostitute scam artist.

You should leave him since he has no intention of stopping.

Are you still having sex with him?


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## loveadvice (Dec 22, 2013)

OMG...you need to leave your husband. Why do you need to convince him to stop writing to women on online DATING sites? If he's dating, his head, both big and small, are obviously not with you. 

You should say to yourself, what the $%$$, and kick his cheating ass out of the house and file for divorce before you have absolutely no money to retire on.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't buy that you don't have the means to leave. I left my first husband with 3 kids under 5 years old and no job. I made it work because it HAD to.

This man is lying to you and cheating on you and you are LETTING him!! Good lord. I hope you've been tested for STD's??

Please read my story - the link is in my signature. My husband was also sucked in by scammers from the internet. Difference - I did NOT put up with it. No freaking way. I kicked him out the day I found out.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to wake up. Fast. Get rid of that man and start ENJOYING your life. And read this link

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your statement about not having the means to leave did not click with me at first.

How old are the two of you?

Why don't you have the means to leave?

Do you have a job? Retired?

Does he have a job? Retired?

Do you both own a home?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Pokie said:


> It cant be a physical affair. Shes in the Ukraine. I am sure she is one smart lil lady. She knows exactly what she is doing. She e mails him and wants to chat but keeps him on the video chat cos its more expensive.


You are living in la la land big time if you think it never went physical.



EleGirl said:


> Didn't I read that your husband flew to see her when you were on vacation in Greece? Or is do I have you confused with someone else who husband is caught up with an on line women in the Ukraine?
> 
> ETA: Yep that was you. Your husband flew to see this woman, leaving you in the airport in Greece. What do you think he flew there for... to have sex with her. Of course it is a physical affair. That's what those women do. When the men fly out to meet them.. they pay big bucks for sex.


:iagree:


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

One really has to take a look in the mirror, really REALLY deep and ask themselves.....how in the world did I allow this sort of behavior in my marriage.

Seriously, your husband is really messed up but there is clearly something wrong with you to allow this.

And rest of the stuff (vacation etc).......that is simply out of this world. What kind of a man leaves his wife at an airport in another country? I will tell you what kind, one that completely doesn't give a crap about you. That's just nuts. 

If I ever did that to my wife, I would probably put a bullet in my own head.

And you think he didn't bang any of these women? You are in complete denial OP. 

I'm sorry


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## Pokie (May 11, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Your statement about not having the means to leave did not click with me at first.
> 
> How old are the two of you?
> 
> ...


We are in our 60's. I know this story sounds crazy and I honestly cant even believe I am writing this but here I am  Last year when I asked him what our savings were, he said nothing !! It was then that I started to do some serious snooping. Yes, he ha a job bt is in such debt that his salary is going on paying the credit cards back at the mo. No, we dont own a home, we live with my son. I cant tell you the horrible fights we have had...will this nightmare never end ! This woman he writes to is obviously very clever. He assured me when he got back from Ukraine, that he wouldnt be using that site anymore but her private e mail. But because she didnt have a computer, he suggested buying her one and I told him ABSOLUTELY not !! But it was all lies and he is still using that site. They video chat, which is the most expensive way to chat. I have caught him sereral times after he said he would stop. I do work but have always given him my salary up until last year, so I too have nothing now. Needless to say I now control my own money. Apologies for the long post. Its a 4 year story, this is just the tip of it


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## Pokie (May 11, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Why are you putting up with this?
> 
> He's lying to you. He's destroying you financially. For what? For a scam pulled off by an internet prostitute scam artist.
> 
> ...


He has destroyed us financially but says all I care about is money !! Sad to say, yes to the sex, not because I want it but he demands it. I have no where to go.


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## Pokie (May 11, 2014)

loveadvice said:


> OMG...you need to leave your husband. Why do you need to convince him to stop writing to women on online DATING sites? If he's dating, his head, both big and small, are obviously not with you.
> 
> You should say to yourself, what the $%$$, and kick his cheating ass out of the house and file for divorce before you have absolutely no money to retire on.


He says theres nothing wrong with what hes doing and he doesnt know why I am so upset. I told him I was not comfortable with this and pleaded, begged, ranted and raved, shouted and swore but nothing will stop him....every time he says he will stop, one argument later and hes back on that site. He admits hes addicted to it. We dont have anything to retire on. I have no idea what will happen when we have to stop work.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You know why he keeps doing this? Because you let him. Because there's no reason for him not to. There's no addiction involved, unless he's been diagnosed by a professional who is trained in that area. He's just an asshat, who's using "addiction" as his reason for doing what he wants to do. And even if he was addicted, what's he doing to deal with his addiction?

I agree with the previous poster. He had sex with her. And you should get an STD test ASAP. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pokie (May 11, 2014)

DoF said:


> One really has to take a look in the mirror, really REALLY deep and ask themselves.....how in the world did I allow this sort of behavior in my marriage.
> 
> Seriously, your husband is really messed up but there is clearly something wrong with you to allow this.
> 
> ...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

OP, it sounds as though your H has somehow lost some cognitive function, and is unable to think clearly, not just the dating sites and the travel, but also the way he's relating to you about all of it.

I would suggest taking him to his medical provider and getting him checked out neurologically, as well as for other problems (like AIDS, STD, etc.)

Honestly, he could have been having mini strokes or other problems and just losing his ability to reason and to think clearly. 

Either that, or he was stupid to begin with and you never noticed?
Or, he believes he is old and going to die, and just does not care....


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't care how old you are - in fact, being 60 I should think you'd have far less inclination to put up with this crap.

And tell your kids. RIGHT NOW. Tell them what their father has been up to and that he's stolen all your retirement money. Your kids are adults - they can handle it. You're not doing ANYONE any favors by keeping this all secret. Telling people is one way to get things aired out - a very effective way too. TELL YOUR KIDS. And all your other relatives, including everyone on his side of the family. ESPECIALLY everyone on his side of the family.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You already live with your son... Would your son support you in kicking his useless butt out, if he knew what was going on?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

> Can anyone throw light on what I should do.....I dont have the means to leave.


...sigh...another one


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

OMG. He is not well and this is abuse and disrespect to the nth degree as I see it. And he is getting snookered big time from someone who will gladly take every last penny from him. Sorry.

You have nothing..he has nothing. So you are not giving up or sacrificing a lifestyle. Why not leave?

"Nothing from Nothing Lleaves Nothing".... Billy Preston (1974).
listen to that song!!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Pokie said:


> We are in our 60's. I know this story sounds crazy and I honestly cant even believe I am writing this but here I am  Last year when I asked him what our savings were, he said nothing !! It was then that I started to do some serious snooping. Yes, he ha a job bt is in such debt that his salary is going on paying the credit cards back at the mo.* No, we dont own a home, we live with my son.* I cant tell you the horrible fights we have had...will this nightmare never end ! This woman he writes to is obviously very clever. He assured me when he got back from Ukraine, that he wouldnt be using that site anymore but her private e mail. But because she didnt have a computer, he suggested buying her one and I told him ABSOLUTELY not !! But it was all lies and he is still using that site. They video chat, which is the most expensive way to chat. I have caught him sereral times after he said he would stop*. I do work but have always given him my salary up until last year, so I too have nothing now. Needless to say I now control my own money. *Apologies for the long post. Its a 4 year story, this is just the tip of it


So, what I am reading here is that you have a job and a place to live! Stop bullsh!tting us and yourself that you dont have the means to get out! Tell your son what his dad is doing, I guarantee he will help you toss his ass out, and be there for you! STOP BEING A DOORMAT!! This story turns my stomach, that he would do this to you and that you allow it!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> So, what I am reading here is that you have a job and a place to live! Stop bullsh!tting us and yourself that you dont have the means to get out! Tell your son what his dad is doing, I guarantee he will help you toss his ass out, and be there for you! STOP BEING A DOORMAT!! This story turns my stomach, that he would do this to you and that you allow it!


You need to stop holding back, and let posters know what you really think. 

C


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Tough love from a FORMER doormat who found her voice and got out.


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