# Wondering what to do



## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

When in doubt...consult the good folks do TAM!

So H and I both have some insecurities/inhibitions when it comes to sex...no biggy. So I thought, how can we find out what the other is or may be interested in, all the while sparing us both some embarrassment or whatever....I thought about the mojo upgrade questionnaire.

Only now I'm not quite sure how to react or respond to the results we got. First, I was happy to see that we are still jiving to some degree, this is a good thing after 14 years of not too much happening. However, I have concerns.

He asked what happened to answers to questions like fisting, and I explained again that if it wasn't something we both said yes to or showed interest in, it wouldn't come up. He said that just left him with more questions like if I wanted to bring people into our bedroom. I tried to address his concerns and honestly told him that I answered no to that question. It's as though he was only trying to find out what piqued my interest and not what the questionnaire was intended for. At the time, I hadn't even seen the results and realized how he'd answered.

I asked H to be brutally honest with his answers and told him I was genuinely interested in what his fantasies are and that they weren't something we necessarily had to try, but we needed to know the boundaries. He didn't answer yes to one question, that I am aware of. All of our compatible answers were "if my partner wants to" from him and "yes" or "if my partner wants to" from me. So given that stockings and heels were off the list....

How am I supposed to interpret this? He's willing to shove his finger up my a$$ if I want him to but, he otherwise isn't interested? Well that makes me feel a whole helluva lot better. Not! Am I supposed to believe that he doesn't have any fantasies or couldn't answer the questions honestly? I know that right now I feel really vulnerable in that I did honestly answer the questions and trusted that he would as well. I feel like an idiot once agin and I just want to crawl under a rock and die. So much for sparing embarrassment.

On a positive note, there are some things that we are compatible on that are new to both of us so...maybe good times ahead. But still pretty vanilla.

FF to our phone call this evening. He didn't bring up the questionnaire after I told him we could talk about it at our nightly phone call.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

Wow...nothing at all?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well it's hard to know if he played it safe or if he really answered truthfully. 

He could have been concerned that being too wild would get you upset.

I'd say go with the things you did find that both of you are interested in. Then later down the road try the questionnaire again. Maybe he'll be more open knowing what your answers were this time.

Give it time.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

As a guy that likes to be completely open and honest with my wife, I still find it very hard to say what I want sexually if it feels "offensive." The last thing I want to do is hurt my wife and forever tarnish her view of me. That's really what is comes down to. 

I'd suggest just writing down all the things you would love to try or at least talk about. It doesn't have to be a game of, "if you show me yours I will show you mine." You are mature and concerned, so be the one that comes out and says what you are interested in talking about. Do not sugar coat it or be passive aggressive, because it will just confuse him further.

The only thing I wouldn't suggest doing is saying you are interested in bringing other people in the bedroom. From what I read he already gave you enough material to know that could possibly offend him. You have that answer so move on to the things you would do between just YOU AND HIM.


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