# Finding proof of cheating



## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

After yet another year, I am still married. I have posted here last year and early this year seeking support. My husband hasn't been working for over 10 years. This year my husband finally got a job and 'stayed' at his job. He didn't just got a full-time position from temp, he just recently got a promotion as well. All good news, right? 

Over the months, yes things have improved a bit, and my finance is picking up as well although still catching up from all the damages. At least he can now buy his own drinks and drugs, etc. That's all the money gone, every friday he gets paid, every monday we have a few dollars left. Where did the money go I asked. 

Let me make this story short... He didn't come home after work holloween friday, he appeared back home saturday morning. We only have one car and I need to drive downtown everyday - we lived in the suburb 60km away from everything I do. The routine sets in very quickly since he has a job. I go pick him up after work at 8 and we would go out for dinner. The only thing is... after dinner we go home, he would go out again to his friend. I know his friend (so he claimed that was the friend he hang out with), he met him working early this year as a temp. The company didn't keep the friend. I actually confronted him about staying home. What's wrong with having a dinner a few drinks, come home maybe watch and movie and make sweet love and go to bed.. right? I guess that's just too much for a wife to ask. A sexless marriage is another issue... and this is a revised... me as a wife complaining about husband not wanting any. Too tired, not in the mood. 

So came holloween friday, he was supposed to be off work earier. I texted him when to pick him up. Anyway, he told me he was having a few drinks with coworkers... all good right? 
Traffic was very bad and I had late meeting downtown, I didn't got to make it until 7, I texted him is he home, he said he was at his friend. So I asked if I should go pick him up and agreed I would be there by 7. I was a little bit late. I stopped by his friend, nobody's home. I texted, called twice, waited for half an hour... nothing. So I went home. Then I got a text from him told me that he was next door, and he is going to hang out for a few. I suspected he is probably pissed drunk doped up and all fuxk up by then. ... Or maybe not who knows where he went. After a few hours, I sent him a message asking him when is he coming home. No response. 

So at around 2am, I send a text to him tell him just stay whereever he is whoever he is with and forgot about coming home. I took my dog out came home and go to bed. 

He came home in the morning, acted as if nothing has happened.  I confronted him, and he just responsed, 'I don't want you to see me all fuxk up'

Sunday. He told me he needs to go out to get a coffee (yes no more making coffee at home, not sure why) and come home. Anyway, after 2 hours I wondered where he went. I texted him... he just reply i will be home in 15 to 20 mins. He came home with a pizza and a movie told me he went to his friend to grab a movie for us and he got us food! I was pissed, he was defensive... i don't even want to go into his defensive argurment. The more he gave some stupid asx explanation to 'proof' him right the more I am furious inside. 

We never spend anytime together anyways. He has his own friends now that he is working, going to bars with his single friends, and just 'chill out' with his dope smoking drunken crowd any chances he get.... or maybe so he wanted me to think that's where he was. 

I have had enough of this life. Any idea of proofing him cheating will save me financially at least if I can maintain my head cool.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You give nothing to really indicate he's cheating, but more to show he's wasting his money doing drugs and drinking. But you could start with phone records and a VAR in the car, to begin with. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, does infidelity count in your areas? Have you talked to a lawyer her? You have more than enough to justify a divorce, if you're tired of enabling him. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

While I understand that leaving a marriage/LTR is a decision not to be taken lightly, I always despair at these situations.

It's like watching the 'client' interviews on an episode of Cheaters - a vast litany of emotional and sexual neglect, doesn't take me out anymore, spends no time with me, disappears into the bedroom with his phone, working long hours (but no corresponding income), provokes arguments, bad tempered, etc, etc.

Of course, people can and do happily tolerate one or two of such behaviours (or sweep them) but when the list gets SOOO vast, why, oh why, do people need the small cherry of 'cheating' on top of the huge, mouldy cake of disrespect the partner already served up.

This guy may or may not be cheating but he's certainly having an affair - with a singleton's life that doesn't include you, Temperance.

I DO have sympathy for you,, but it's not infinite. Somewhere along the way you've lost your self-esteem/respect and he's walking all over you.

You don't have to put up with that shìt. I can't see him changing so likely you'll have to leave. If that hurts at first it's a small price to pay for the happiness you could find later.

Nobody should subject themselves to misery for the accumulated assets of a partnership. They're worthless compared to liberty and hope.

Move on and find someone who values YOU,,, starting with yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Why in the hell are you still with this loser?? Dont you value yourself more than this??


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

If he is cheating, it might be hard to catch him if he isn't driving his own car and doesn't have much time by himself at home...


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## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

PBear said:


> Btw, does infidelity count in your areas? Have you talked to a lawyer her? You have more than enough to justify a divorce, if you're tired of enabling him.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


According to my lawyer, sexual infidelity is like the trump card in court here.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

It often can be, as far as I understand it.

However, so far I haven't gotten the impression that he is cheating on you. The man has faults, no question, but it sounds to me like he's just being irresponsible and disrespectful to you, not cheating. Spending that much time with his friends, doing drugs and drinking that late into the evening/early morning, especially as frequently as he has, is just terribly disrespectful to you. It certainly could be an affair of some kind, or possible that he had a one-nighter or something, but there just isn't anything you specifically mentioned that automatically points to there being another woman involved or him cheating on you. I think all the background info you've given us over the last year or so suggests that he's just out being his regular irresponsible/disrespectful usual self.

Is there any additional evidence that you've noticed that suggests that there is another woman? Have you checked his call/text phone log yet? Found any strange behavior on his computer? (Like dating/hookup websites in the history, saved images of particular women, secret/private e-mail accounts?) Do you know any of his friends personally whom you could ask about him?


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