# men's relationship grief?



## faithaqua (Nov 28, 2011)

I am hoping to hear how men deal with breaking up a relationship. Seems like people that post are the ones who are left but I'd like to hear if there's any grieving for the one who does the leaving. My husband left in October---seems to be doing great---we had 'the talk' last night that the divorce should be done. I have been a zombie today and from what I can tell, he's quite thrilled. Seems so heartless. I do understand that since he's the one who left that he's had the time to accept but did he go through anything other than justification and now what appears to be joy?
Just wondering...


----------



## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Every man, just like every woman, is different.

Also, what is shown to the separated spouse, is often not reality.

Survivors of family illness often feel relieved, joyful, hopefully, and other "positive" emotions after a death. A long suffering tragedy that has reached it's conclusion. The way forward after a stagnated life. May not seem logical, but it is.


----------



## faithaqua (Nov 28, 2011)

Thanks for the reply---it does seem logical except I don't like to think of myself as an 'illness' in his life. He is an on-again/off-again recovering addict and t/o our time, I stuck by him, picked him back up, and was happy to do it. I love him. Then on this stint of sobriety, my son (from another marriage and who is and always has been mentally/emotionally ill) became the issue and he just left. I do understand that it's hard---but why did he marry me? I'm humiliated and still feel so abandoned. I get the impression that he is thrilled and I believe he's already meeting other women---that makes me feel like an insignificant fool. 
Sorry---mornings are the toughest, it's when the reality seems to hit all over again.


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

faith, I'm not sure what led up to him leaving but if he was able to leave so easily and with such lack of feeling then perhaps it is best that he is out of your life. I know that's hard to accept when you are still hurting but do you want a man like that to be involved in your sons life, particularly if he has an issue with his illness? You are not an insignificant fool, he is a significant a**. Let him go.


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Living with an addict makes you a codependent. And as a codependent you will have put a lot of time and effort in trying to help the guy out. You probably feel that in many ways he owes you and you are right. But being right doesn’t make it any easier.



Why did he marry you? Who knows and you may never get an answer. Why do you feel so abandoned? That one is easy. You were there for him in his times of need but he wasn’t there for you in your time of need. It’s not your fault, rather that some people are like that, takers and not givers.



As to how men deal with breaking up, well we’re all different plus all the circumstances are absolutely unique. So there’s no one way of dealing with it.

Really all you can do is learn from your experience and perhaps next time round stay away from addicts, even recovering addicts.


----------



## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

Without knowing the entire story, I'd have to guess that he knew long before October that he wanted out. If you only found out in October, and you are in love with him, it is only natural that you'd be the one having the most difficulty with the finality of the divorce itself. 

Mornings are the hardest, when you wake up at 3 a.m. and your mind starts racing, or you just dwell on what was.


----------



## Screenp2 (Dec 4, 2011)

when I was dating, and the one to call it quits. It always felt like a relief when I walked away from the talk. Felt free as a bird and happy. 

When I was the one left.. it hurt when I didn't see it coming.
Time moved on and so did I. Just takes longer when you're the one left behind to deal with it.


----------



## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

When I got dumped, it hurt and took a while to get over it. 

When I dumped a girl, it always was a little bittersweet, but still generally felt like freedom.


----------

