# Help and Advice Please



## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

My wife left and rented a place with her mother a few months ago.

I am in the USA under a green card, not currently working but looking everyday.

Had email from my wife today saying she had seen an attorney and I should be paying her rent for being in the house.
I purchased the house a year a go from the sale of my own house, she didn't put a cent into it.

the list of things she wants is so long, we have been married for 2 and a half years.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Seek an attorney and a vicious one at that. If If you have proof that that money went from your last home, you need to also give that to your attorney. You do not owe her rent. Just protect yourself as you are her adversary now.

Your marriage was short so there should not be a lot to divide. Also, it helps to mentally not see her as your wife. She decided she is no longer and she has that right and if you want to help yourself, you must also view her as an ex.


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

it all seems very odd the things she says her attorney that she saw for advice said. like the rent. also the car which I am using is leased in her name, but she went and bought another car. wants me to pay her for the lease on that, saying she wants half of everything even my pension which is in another country etc. etc.
I don't think she actually saw anyone.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

To get helpful advice, you must give us more, such as:

Why did she leave?
What did she do or not do that caused the problems?
What did you do or not do that caused the problems?
If she were here, what would she tell us about you and the marriage?
Do either one of you have an addiction?

For all we know, you could be a physically and emotionally abusive, lazy husband, or you could be a saint. Get the picture? Don't leave anything important out.


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

she left, well she says I was angry and upset after my dad passed away a month earlier. Every thing was fine till she moved her mother in with us. this was all a couple of months after her step dad stayed for 3 months and I discovered emails between the pair of them to get me out of the house.
if she was here she would say the marriage had flaws from the day we met. but a few months ago should would have said the marriage was good.
no addictions

I see a therapist who, got me to do a test a month or so ago, the results scared me, as I did it twice, once before her step dad arrived and now with her mother around. complete opposite ends of the scale it was a test for emotional abuse.

I left my home country, family, sold all my belongings or gave them away, left my teenage kids with their mother who had them anyway, and moved out to the states to be with this person. sold my house, bought a house here, worked until the company I worked for closed down.
offered suggestions, ideas, to try and sort this out. she didn't want to try or do anything. we went to marriage counselling, third or fourth time we went she announced marriage was over.
I even loaded and unload a truck for her when she moved out.

I can add more if you want


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

her step dad texted me a few times, first time he said get out as she is seeing someone else now.
the second he said I had 2 weeks to leave or he will make me.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

robbie3000 said:


> her step dad texted me a few times, first time he said get out as she is seeing someone else now.
> the second he said I had 2 weeks to leave or he will make me.



Do not leave your home. Get a good attorney for advice. Tell her step dad to kiss your azz!!!


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

I saw an attorney for advice, she said my money is safe, she cant touch my pension etc. in another country.

my wife, sorry ex says we shouldn't use attorneys as waste of money. but think I will be making that call come Monday morning.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I believe you married yourself a gold digger....call her bluff and hire a good lawyer.


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

yes looks that way


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

How did you meet this woman. What are your ages. What country did you come from? Did you just up in leave your family to move here to be with her?


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

I am now 47 and she is 46

we both worked for the same company but in different countries.

basically yes I did up and leave to be with her. thought she was the one for me and I would be happy forever. we were until her step dad, then mother turned up.

i'm from the uk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sounds like you got scammed. The grass ain't always greener. Sell your house and go home with your tail between your legs, at least maybe you can have a relationship with your kids.


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

house is in joint names! yes mug I know


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

robbie3000 said:


> I saw an attorney for advice, she said my money is safe, she cant touch my pension etc. in another country.
> 
> my wife, sorry ex says we shouldn't use attorneys as waste of money. but think I will be making that call come Monday morning.


Since we don’t know which state you live in, it’s a bit hard to help you with particulars. But basically, in most states, whatever you had before your married is yours and she cannot touch. Any inheritance you received is yours and she cannot touch.

If you can show that you bought your home with separate (pre-marriage) assets, then what you put into the home is yours. Now if the home grew in equity during the marriage, she might have claim to 50% of the equity that accrued since the day you married. But I’ll bet that is next to nothing.

Is her name one the deed and mortgage for the home?

You need to find out about the laws in your state. If you go to amazon.com you can find books that talk about the divorce laws in your state. For example, if you live in Florida you would search for “Florida divorce” in the amazon.com books. Get one of those and read up. Also you can do good searches on divorce in your state and you will find a lot of info online.

And of course she does not want to use attorneys. She thinks you have no clue what the laws are and she can rail road you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

robbie3000 said:


> house is in joint names! yes mug I know


About how much did you put down on the house? Was it a large amount? 

There is an issue that if you mix your separate assets (what you had before marriage) in a marital asset, it converts to marital assets.

So you bought the house and put her name on it too. Plus if there were payments made after you bought it and were married, they were made with marital income.

In most states this means that the house is a martial asset. However, if you can show a clear paper trail of the pre-marriage assets that you put into the home you might be able to claim those as separate property. It’s much easier for you to do this because yours is a short marriage. So it sounds like it’s pretty clear that little to nothing of marital assets went into the property. You will most likely need a lawyer to help you frame this argument.


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

all the money from the sale of my house in the uk went to purchase the house here in Oregon. there is no mortgage. I owned the house in the uk for about 6 years before we even met. I have a paper trail of what was in my uk bank and what was transferred to the usa and then converted into cashier checks for the title company


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

oh wow, now had email saying her step dad's liver is failing, she is so upset


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

robbie3000 said:


> oh wow, now had email saying her step dad's liver is failing, she is so upset


Robbie sounds like you have been taken for a ride tbh.
May I ask what nationality this woman is, I know you reside in USA but where was she from originally. Sounds like she married you for your money.
Was she married before? Why did that marriage fail.

The step dad with liver failure, etc sounds like more scamming, please ignore all pleas, demands, etc. Sign up your lawyer and ask your ex to correspond from now on with your lawyer.
Do not fall for any of her drama or sob stories. 
She has treated you abysmally, I know you are in pain, but pick yourself you are in a war which you must win. Find your righteous anger and proceed. You do not know this woman, you thought you did, but there is much more, you probably do not know. Don't let her away with anything.


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

she is American
she was married twice before both lasting 2 years
she has said on both occasions they grew apart.

trouble being I still love her, I don't want to spend money I don't have on attorneys and drag the whole thing out for ages and ages. I am happy to try to come to some agreement with her, and then file for divorce.
but yes I know even if we agree she can then contest it and back to square one.

The past months has been tearing me apart, I cant sell the house until an agreement or divorce is done.


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

To be honest I don't like the idea that she has scammed me or taken me for a ride, but yes the evidence all points that. I put everything I had into the relationship and marriage, all my money, my heart everything.
It is so hard to understand what happened, why it happened, guess I will never actually know. but to try and pick myself up and fight is hard, I am not like that, maybe half the issue I am a pushover.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Liver failure, why? Alcohol? 

It is possible to get back pre-martial assets that normal convert into martial assets in some states under special circumstances, it is commonly referred to as craw-back. A good friend was married for 23 years. In year 21 her last parent died leaving several hundred thousand dollars. The ex and she paid down their mortgage by 150,000 dollars and re-financed, the rest was left invested in her name. Year 22 he split for trophy wife. She was able to claim the 150,000 dollars back under the state laws in Maryland. What she could not get back was the money from the first townhouse she owned from 21 years ago which was used to finance 3 homes they had lived in since then. 

How the he'll could the FIL tell you to get out?


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Let her stepdad's liver fail as spectacularly as her gold digging aspirations. It's not your concern. Inform her parents that they are to have no further contact with you. If they do, you'll regard it as harassment and file charges. 

Whatever you do, do not fall for any of her sob stories. After you didn't buckle under her threats, she's now hoping that your sympathy for her will get her a better settlement. She played her strategy backwards. She's a fool, has no attorney, and has no idea what she's entitled to. 

You should play this very cold and calculated, with no emotion. You are now divorce-bot, and you emotionlessly should do whatever is in your own interest--being cordial when necessary, but never showing your hand or your intentions. Don't let any of her manipulation or threats get to you. Let the attorney handle it all.


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

so I offered to look after the cat if she goes to see her step dad, she said no. much sooner board her than let her stay with me and the dog, considering the pair of them are like brother and sister and grew up together!
I am getting more and more of an idea everyday what kind of a person she is


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## robbie3000 (Oct 8, 2016)

so had a lovely email saying I should move out and rent the house, split the rental income. and also pay off her credit cards and pay her tax bill!

think you guys were all right time to speak to attorney again


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

robbie3000 said:


> so had a lovely email saying I should move out and rent the house, split the rental income. and also pay off her credit cards and pay her tax bill!
> 
> think you guys were all right time to speak to attorney again


Stop responding to her threatening emails, except for one more to tell her to speak only through attorneys, not to contact you any more. Make sure you have saved all the emails, too.


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