# Need adice. Wife referred to me as ex.



## David0061

My wife got a flat. I could not get to her right away. She asked friends. I arrived 30min after she had been picked up. 
I found the friend and messaged him.
I got a reply something like np helping your ex. 

I brought it up to my wife. 
She said she needed a ride. 
Am I wrong to feel I don't know the word. 
She is mad and thinks I'm sabotaging the relationship.

A little back story. I found out she was talking to about 5 to 7 other guys secretly about 5 to 7 months ago. Nothing happening but she was hiding it.


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## Trident

Those 3 paragraphs seem to be completely unrelated.


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## BigDaddyNY

Are you saying your wife told a guy she wasn't married to you in order to get him to give her a ride?

Was this friend one of those guys she was talking to? What kind of conversations was she having with these men, and what method of communication?


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## Evinrude58

Well you have a wife that tell other men you’re her ex, talks to other men, and let’s them pick her up when stranded. Sounds like you need to see an attorney. Jmo


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## David0061

BigDaddyNY said:


> Are you saying your wife told a guy she wasn't married to you in order to get him to give her a ride?
> 
> Was this friend one of those guys she was talking to? What kind of conversations was she having with these men, and what method of communication?


Yes. She told a friend that we were not married. That i was her ex to get the ride. 

I not sure if he was 1 of the guys. A lot of the conversation was she was dissatisfied with the relationship. They would say she should leave me and they would be there. Hey come over. Hey I really like you (guys). Most was done over Facebook messenger or text and after I found them she deleted it all.


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## Trident

Evinrude58 said:


> Well you have a wife that tell other men you’re her ex, talks to other men, and let’s them pick her up when stranded. Sounds like you need to see an attorney.


Or get an AAA family membership.


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## Evinrude58

David0061 said:


> Yes. She told a friend that we were not married. That i was her ex to get the ride.
> 
> I not sure if he was 1 of the guys. A lot of the conversation was she was dissatisfied with the relationship. They would say she should leave me and they would be there. Hey come over. Hey I really like you (guys). Most was done over Facebook messenger or text and after I found them she deleted it all.


So what are your plans to deal with your wife who chases other men and refers to you as her ex to them?
Being nicer to her?


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## jlg07

David0061 said:


> Yes. She told a friend that we were not married. That i was her ex to get the ride.
> 
> I not sure if he was 1 of the guys. A lot of the conversation was she was dissatisfied with the relationship. They would say she should leave me and they would be there. Hey come over. Hey I really like you (guys). Most was done over Facebook messenger or text and after I found them she deleted it all.


So, since she is SO dissatisfied with the relationship -- let her go be dissatisfied with someone else. Make what she said the TRUTH -- become her ex.
I really think you have only seen the tip of the iceberg.

How many years have you been married? Ages? Kids? This will help folks fine-tune their responses...
Too bad you didn't take pics of those Messenger discussions.


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## redmarshall

Well what I would say is don't ready too much into it. Sometimes things are just said because people want to vent. I am not saying don't take it seriously, just make her aware that you take it seriously. But I doubt reading too much into it will help. I know its not easy to look past it, definitely when its concerning the relationship status.

Btw, why is she getting herself a flat?


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## Young at Heart

David0061 said:


> My wife got a flat. I could not get to her right away. She asked friends. I arrived 30min after she had been picked up.
> *I found the friend and messaged him.
> I got a reply something like np helping your ex*.
> 
> I brought it up to my wife.
> She said she needed a ride.
> Am I wrong to feel I don't know the word.
> She is mad and thinks I'm sabotaging the relationship.
> 
> A little back story. *I found out she was talking to about 5 to 7 other guys secretly about 5 to 7 months ago*. Nothing happening but she was hiding it.





David0061 said:


> Yes. *She told a friend that we were not married*. That i was her ex to get the ride.
> 
> I not sure if he was 1 of the guys. A lot of the conversation was *she was dissatisfied with the relationship*. They would say she should leave me and they would be there. Hey come over. Hey I really like you (guys). Most was done over Facebook messenger or text and after I found them she deleted it all.


I think that you know your marriage is in crisis. She is your wife in name only. How much clearer does she have to make things. 

She tells men that you are her ex and that she is not married.
She tells guys that she is dissatisfied with the relationship.
She has been talking secretly to between 5 and 7 guys about 5 to 7 months ago.
Guys have been telling her that she should leave you and that they would fill the void in her life.
she doesn't want to talk to you about what is going on.
How in the world can you say with any certainty in her relationship with multiple other guys, *"Nothing happening but she was hiding it."*

There are emotional affairs and there are physical affairs. Both are "affairs." You may feel that she hasn't been having sex with other men, but you really should have a lot of reaons to think she might have.

So you have a choice that you should think about.

One alternative is to keep believing in her, Under this choice you can do nothing and wait for you to learn she has found someone else and is leaving you.

The secibd alternative is to man-up, confront her. Tell her that her behavior is totally unacceptable and it there is to be any future in your marriage to her, it must stop, she must commit herself to the marriage and to jointly working with you on repairing it, by going to a marriage counselor. For God's sake man she is your wife and she is telling other men she is either you ex and no longer married to you or she is saying she is dissatisfied with your marriage while probably trying to carry on an emotional affair with them.

Third alternative is to tell her that you want a 3 month separation and likely that will lead to divorce. She can get some space and figure out if she will miss you. If she F's around with other men during the separation it will lead to divorce. The separation is for her to understand what she will be walking away from if and when you divorce.

Good luck. You knew your marriage was in big trouble now didn't you.


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## Talker67

Trident said:


> Or get an AAA family membership.





sounds like OP needs to make the whole "EX" thing a reality

how does the wife have all these male friends she can text?


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## manfromlamancha

This is just plain weird! I would be out of there like a bat out of hell if my wife said and did half of what your wife has. Referring to you as an ex to get a ride. Sexting men on line - are you kidding me?


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## marko polo

David0061 said:


> My wife got a flat. I could not get to her right away. She asked friends. I arrived 30min after she had been picked up.
> I found the friend and messaged him.
> I got a reply something like np helping your ex.
> 
> I brought it up to my wife.
> She said she needed a ride.
> Am I wrong to feel I don't know the word.
> She is mad and thinks I'm sabotaging the relationship.
> 
> A little back story. I found out she was talking to about 5 to 7 other guys secretly about 5 to 7 months ago. Nothing happening but she was hiding it.


Would speak to a lawyer if I were you and get ahead of what is to follow. You and your wife are already separated? You state that she has her own flat.

_she was talking to about 5 to 7 other guys secretly about 5 to 7 months ago. _*Adults do a lot more than just talk in secret. They have unprotected sex.* Get yourself tested for STDs You should assume she is still talking/ sleeping with them all.

_She is mad and thinks I'm sabotaging the relationship. _*She is gaslighting you. *She knows what she is doing is wrong and she would like to make you doubt what you know.

She is referring to you as her *ex.* She has told these 5-7 other men that *she is single and you are her ex husband/boyfriend*. Now that she has her own place they will have no trouble believing her. They have all also probably been told you are possessive, jealous, crazy, etc and best ignored.

I will tell you bluntly your marriage is long dead. That she has betrayed you repeatedly and non stop with these other men and continues to do so. She is keeping you around for stability and sport. To pay her bills and keep the home while she chases excitement and sex with these other men. Speak to a lawyer to see what divorce looks like. Say nothing to her. If you have no children together this will be so much easier. Since she is occupied by all these other men she will be distracted and not likely to notice you make the necessary preparations for divorce.

Ultimately up to you but you will find that your time has been wasted on her.


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## Talker67

by her male friend responding to your text in that rude way, it shows that the wife is making fun of you to her boyfriends. 

and by "taking care of her" i do not think he meant only giving her a ride that night.

Dude, she is deliberately humiliating you. why have you not divorced her.

the have a name for spouses like that, and it begins with a "S" and ends with a "T"


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## BigDaddyNY

David0061 said:


> Yes. She told a friend that we were not married. That i was her ex to get the ride.
> 
> I not sure if he was 1 of the guys. A lot of the conversation was she was dissatisfied with the relationship. They would say she should leave me and they would be there. Hey come over. Hey I really like you (guys). Most was done over Facebook messenger or text and after I found them she deleted it all.


Your wife is no wife, she is an untrustworthy hoe, to be perfectly frank. Lying to guys about her relationship status to get a ride? That kind of implies something doesn't it?


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## Parallax857

I'm with Marko. I don't generally use the word gaslighting because it's so overused and presumes to know someone else's motives. I'm a divorce attorney so I hear it all the time. But here we have a woman telling you you're ruining the marriage when she's the one referring to you as her ex. That's totally crazy making. If I were in your shoes, I'd insist on couples counseling and if she refused to go or continued to do the sorts of things you've outlined, I'd leave.


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## Rob_1

Come on guys, this dude won't do at thing. He'll just take it once again.


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## thunderchad

She's 100% cheating on you or wants to.


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## damo7

Trident said:


> Those 3 paragraphs seem to be completely unrelated.


Your comment is nasty and only makes me think poorly of you.


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## Cynthia

David0061 said:


> My wife got a flat. I could not get to her right away. She asked friends. I arrived 30min after she had been picked up.
> I found the friend and messaged him.
> I got a reply something like np helping your ex.
> 
> I brought it up to my wife.
> She said she needed a ride.
> Am I wrong to feel I don't know the word.
> She is mad and thinks I'm sabotaging the relationship.
> 
> A little back story. I found out she was talking to about 5 to 7 other guys secretly about 5 to 7 months ago. Nothing happening but she was hiding it.


I will attempt to interpret the above.
His wife got a *flat tire*. She messaged David, but he couldn't get to her immediately, so she asked some "friends" to give her a ride. By the time he got there, she had been gone for 30 minutes.
He found the friend that had given her a ride and he messaged him.
The ride giver messaged back saying "no problem for helping your ex."

He spoke to his wife about telling the ride giver that she was single and that David is her ex.
Her response was that she needed a ride and that David is harming their marriage by calling her out on her shenanigans.

She has a history of forming inappropriate relationships with multiple men at a time. She says nothing happened, but she hid these relationships from her husband.

Is this correct, @David0061?


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## David60525

David0061 said:


> My wife got a flat. I could not get to her right away. She asked friends. I arrived 30min after she had been picked up.
> I found the friend and messaged him.
> I got a reply something like np helping your ex.
> 
> I brought it up to my wife.
> She said she needed a ride.
> Am I wrong to feel I don't know the word.
> She is mad and thinks I'm sabotaging the relationship.
> 
> A little back story. I found out she was talking to about 5 to 7 other guys secretly about 5 to 7 months ago. Nothing happening but she was hiding it.


She is getting ready to monkey jump. She gaslit you several times, get you finances and mental health in order and leave her and file for divorce.
Read the tactical guide to women. Get rid of car. You tube red pill and get educated.
If you got her a car before being married you really need to stop playing house. Read judge Judy's book on relationships. Dude, never play house with your money


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## truststone

David0061 said:


> My wife got a flat. I could not get to her right away. She asked friends. I arrived 30min after she had been picked up.
> I found the friend and messaged him.
> I got a reply something like np helping your ex.
> 
> I brought it up to my wife.
> She said she needed a ride.
> Am I wrong to feel I don't know the word.
> She is mad and thinks I'm sabotaging the relationship.
> 
> A little back story. I found out she was talking to about 5 to 7 other guys secretly about 5 to 7 months ago. Nothing happening but she was hiding it.


how you know nothing happened ??? oh right the liar told you that !!! and you believed i'm just a little confused so please help me out 

plus she has a history of lying to you and going behind your back ??


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## truststone

David0061 said:


> Yes. She told a friend that we were not married. That i was her ex to get the ride.
> 
> I not sure if he was 1 of the guys. A lot of the conversation was she was dissatisfied with the relationship. They would say she should leave me and they would be there. Hey come over. Hey I really like you (guys). Most was done over Facebook messenger or text and after I found them she deleted it all.


oh i see now she delete only because you found out ahhh she must love you .. 

Not trying to be rude but im trying to get you out of the fog and see things a little clearer - you are acting extremely weak, she doesnt value yours and her boundaries why - Because you never let consequences show up


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## truststone

David0061 said:


> Yes. She told a friend that we were not married. That i was her ex to get the ride.
> 
> I not sure if he was 1 of the guys. A lot of the conversation was she was dissatisfied with the relationship. They would say she should leave me and they would be there. Hey come over. Hey I really like you (guys). Most was done over Facebook messenger or text and after I found them she deleted it all.


Bro no wife i know would ever do that -- so would it be okay for her to take of her ring if some good looking guy wanted to talk to her ???

it makes no sense since you where on your way and got there in 30mins like dude please stop letting her get away with things you are encouraging her cheating ways . you must see that


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## blackclover3

your wife is working on Plan A
your wife cheated previously and planning to cheat again
your wife is building a support network from men to help her during divorce (financially, physically, and emotionally) 
your wife is planning to ride you to safety then tie on the shore until she is 150% safe with another man
your wife disrespected you by referring to you as an ex ( this means she value the other guys feelings/attention over yours)

if you think this fixable then you are a fool 
- Nothing will fix your image and reputation until you dump her

and Please, stop saying you love her because she doesn't - 

be an Alpha male - draw the lines your way - and proceed with the divorce 

document everything, her messages, interaction, phone records - and above all separate your money, credit cards and bank accounts.


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## uwe.blab

redmarshall said:


> Well what I would say is don't ready too much into it. Sometimes things are just said because people want to vent. I am not saying don't take it seriously, just make her aware that you take it seriously. But I doubt reading too much into it will help. I know its not easy to look past it, definitely when its concerning the relationship status.
> 
> Btw, why is she getting herself a flat?


@redmarshall ^ a joke, yes?


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## MattMatt

Another zombie thread.


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