# Kids custody/one-on-one time



## diffident_dude (Jul 9, 2012)

I'm asking here because I'm not sure where else to ask. I googled and did not find the information I had hoped. 

We currently have a 2-2-3 schedule with the kids. We have two. A daughter 2.5 years old. A son 9 months old. 

We would like to spend time once a week or ever other week one-on-one with one of our kids. We are not sure how to do this. 

If anyone has experience with this and could help I would appreciate it. If anyone knows of resources online that I could read through I would appreciate it.

One idea we had was to pick one day a week and just take one for a couple hours and bring them back. Would overnight be better? Not having a set weekly schedule for one on one time and just do special events?

Any and all suggestions are welcome! Thank you all for reading and any help you can provide.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is a 2-2-3 schedule?

I think that the idea of each of you getting alone time with each child during each week will turn into a crazy schedule. That's two days a week when you both have a child. It means even more disruption of your children's lives. Times with parents should be in block of days so that the children have a few days when they are in one home. 

Think of what you life would be like if you had to make to transition to a different house several times a week.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What is a 2-2-3 schedule?


Some people call it a 2-2-5-5 schedule... Every week, one parent always gets two particular days, the other parent always gets two particular days, and then the remaining three days swap back and forth each day.

It's a schedule my almost-ex and I are looking at, because it would give her the same two days every week when can be guaranteed to not have the kids, so she could schedule her late work shifts for those days. It would look something like this:

*STBXW:* Friday 3:30pm - Wednesday 7:30am (Fri-Sat-Sun nights + Mon night & Tue night)
*ME:* Wednesday 3:30pm - Monday 7:30am (Wed night and Thu night + Fri-Sat-Sun nights)
*STBXW:* Monday 3:30pm - Wednesday 7:30am (Mon night & Tue night)
*ME:* Wednesday 3:30pm - Friday 7:30am (Wed night and Thu night)

So, she'd always have the kids on Mondays and Tuesdays, I'd always have them Wednesdays and Thursdays, and we each get every other Friday-Saturday-Sunday.

If you wanted one-on-one time with each of the kids, I'd recommend scheduling it on a case-by-case basis on the three "weekend" days.

Essentially, for one rotation, you get your daughter and she gets your son for the weekend, and then vice versa the next weekend. You'd be taking your daughter (or your son) on your "weekend off" in exchange for your EX taking your daughter (or your son) on her "weekend off". And then you can just go back the regular schedule.


Pb.


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## diffident_dude (Jul 9, 2012)

That's just about the schedule we have. Our schedule actually rotates during the week. So MT me, WT her, FSS me, then the next week it's the opposed. We are going to do the 2-2-5 thing when they get a little older so we all have set schedules during the week. 

That is an interesting idea doing the full weekend like that. What we had in mind so far was either a couple hours only one day a week and alternate the child each week (one week I'd have my daughter that night the next my son). 

I'm just concerned with her being so young she may get confused or not like leaving her brother. He's only 9mos so I don't think he'll really have much to say about it.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I almost dated a guy who had his kids every other weekend and had them Tuesdays and Thursday nights. That seemed rather workable. I'd want to be able to count on and plan for the days I had the kids. 

My son is 15 and with the exception of overnights he's pretty much on his own. He goes back and forth between my STBXH and I a lot. We only live a few miles apart.

I'd like for him to spend a portion of the weekends and the summer mostly at his father's place. During the school year he is pretty much with me during the week. My STBXH and I plan to remain pretty flexible and for the most part we plan to give my son the oppotunity to decide for himself where he wants to be but you can't do that when your children are really young.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

IMHO separating kids in this way is a negative for them even though it seems like a positive for you. I would never separate my kids, they need each other especially in the midst of divorce. 

I know your kids are young but be very careful of setting them up for future resentments, it happens so easily with kids.

At their age why do you need/want one on one time? Mine are older and we get some one on one purely through their different schedules with sports, school camps etc.

Honestly I would think very hard before doing this. 

FWIW we do 50/50 shared care, week on/off but mid week dinner with the other parent. My kids need to be with each other even though they argue  but even when the other is at camp or a friends for a sleepover they miss each other.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I don't think it's a bad idea to do stuff separately once in awhile but I wouldn't make it a routine thing. It's nice to establish a separate relationship with each of them as they grow and develop. You can just play it by ear and see how it goes. At this point, they are too young to care or know. It would just be a matter of making life easier on you and your ex because you'd only have to deal with one at a time. 

They aren't at an easy age, that's for sure. I would think that the less you toss them back and forth, the better. It would be too much of a disruption to their schedules and lives. Younger children especially need to have a sense of stability and continuity in their lives.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

diffident_dude said:


> That's just about the schedule we have. Our schedule actually rotates during the week. So MT me, WT her, FSS me, then the next week it's the opposed. We are going to do the 2-2-5 thing when they get a little older so we all have set schedules during the week.
> 
> That is an interesting idea doing the full weekend like that. What we had in mind so far was either a couple hours only one day a week and alternate the child each week (one week I'd have my daughter that night the next my son).
> 
> I'm just concerned with her being so young she may get confused or not like leaving her brother. He's only 9mos so I don't think he'll really have much to say about it.


Now, that said, I hadn't noticed who young your kids were... I wouldn't worry about it too much yet. They're still just babies, and time alone with either parent and without the other sibling won't really mean much to them yet.

My children are teens, and each has their own interests, hobbies and such. I can take my son out to the second-run theater to see an old B-rate sci-fi movie, or take my daughter out rollerskating, or whatever... It's meaningful to them to do something special with just me, and other doesn't mind it.

I'm going to go against the crowd just a little bit here, though... From what I understand, for very young children, going a long time without seeing one parent is hard. At young ages, shorter stays and more frequent transitions can often be beneficial for kids with divorced parents. It's be easy enough to add in an evening dinner with the other parent for one kid or the other or both maybe in the middle of the long five day weekends.

Because of their school and social schedules, older kids tend to do better with longer stays and fewer transitions.


Pb.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I agree - quality time with a 9month-old doesn't exist except the need to be constantly exposed to you so he is just as comfortable with you as with Mom. And a 2.5 y/o just wants to play most make-believe stuff like dolls or color/do crafty stuff and run and play outside.

Maybe you two have a more similar schedule and parenting style. Something that fragmented just didn't work for us and the change in schedule mid-week left her irritable. We tried 3-4-4-3 for an evenly divided 2-week period but after 6 months it was obvious it didn't work and we went to the standard mom during the week, dad on alternating weekends and a day on the other weeks. Plus any time he wanted to take her to dinner or to the park after daycare (or school once she turned 5).

Kids really need stability. If you can keep your sleep/wake schedules the same and even their rooms roughly the same (arranged the same for night-time potty trips, same color walls, etc.) I've read that helps a lot.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

We do this once a month on a Saturday during the day only and my kids love it


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