# broke the no contact rule and i feel like an ass..



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

I broke the no contact rule that I had in place. The wife contacted me the other day. She asked if I had changed my mind about the divorce. I replied that I'm giving thought to the marriage and really didn't want to divorce. She moved to NY to be close to her family and she has a small place of sorts. Today I find out that she quit her job. I only found out because I called there and they removed here from the directory. Once again I'm not getting any honesty from her. She still wants to benefit from a marriage by having her car iinsured at our address here in NJ where we get discounts for living in the country while she is living in NY.. I feel like I'm a sucker for trying over and over with this woman.. when will I learn?
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## StandbyMe (Aug 5, 2011)

I like you have tried the no contact rule but wife sends me a e-mail once or twice a week to see how I am doing. She never brings up the relationship in her e-mails. She walked out on me almost 3 months ago. Yes, I was the cause for her leaving due to verbal abuse while drinking. I quit drinking the day she walked out and have no desire to ever want to drink again. She wants to communicate with me a couple of times a week either by e-mail or phone. Unlike your wife mine started a new job 2 months ago and is more focused on herself and her job than meeting me half way to fix the marriage. I have reached the point that I must seek a marriage counselor this coming week. I had a appointment a month ago to see one and expressed to her I was going to do so and she told me "Why waste the money you can fix this yourself" So I canceled the appointment. I have reached the point that I need a counselor to help me to focus more on my self than her. I need something or someone to help me from thinking about her all the time. Like your wife mine does not tell me about her daily activities too much. She tells me she needs more time to decide. Her statement to me over and over is "I must make sure I don't make another mistake" I have no plans on telling her I am going to see a counselor as she would get mad. Seems I can't say anything these days about our marriage without her getting mad. I have shown patients and tried to be positive through all of this but must focus more on myself. Removing her from my daily thoughts will be a big challenge for me. I am unsure if a counselor can help but must try something at this point. I, like you fell like a sucker or a puppet on a string. 
Over the 10 years of our marriage we spent most of our spare time together. Doing things together, we had other friends that are married couples and had backyard bbq's. Now I have no contact with them as they don't want to "take sides" basically I have no friends outside of family. Yes, I have grown much closer to my family through this. They are the ones to lean on to try to help you through this. But I have no choice I must see or hear what a counselor can share with me. I must prepare myself if she decides to move on. She has not mentioned the divorce word yet. She tells me she is not making any major decisions at this point of the separation. But I must improve myself mentally and physically. I have lost 30 lbs in 3 months and lots of sleepless nights from all of this. Do I continue to respond to her friendly occasional e-mails or go completely silent and not respond? I wish you well Jayblack.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Everyone slips once or twice or 10 times, just purpose in your heart and get back out there.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Forgive yourself. And take her off your insurance. If she wants to be sngle then let her know what its gonna be like.
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