# Enthusiastic / Heartfelt Sex



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

The topic has come up in a few threads about sex and the enthusiasm/heart that goes into it. One poster mentioned that it seems many men here expect a wife to affirm them through enthusiasm for sex, enthusiasm that is expected to be genuine, not put on in any way. As well, there have been some comments about why would I want to have sex if my heart isn't into it? In both cases it would seem that a) men only want sex that is enthusiastic all the time and b) there is no reason to have sex with someone (in particular your SO) if your heart/mind isn't into it.

To me, there are a couple of points to tackle here. First off, what constitutes enthusiastic sex? I am sure everyone will have a different definition on this. Do you expect that every time you have sex with your SO they have to be genuinely enthusiastic about it, it needs to be mind blowing?

Going along with this, why does your heart/mind need to be into it to have sex with your SO? Now obviously, I am not saying watch Jessica Jones on Netflix while you have sex, and if every/majority of times you have sex with your SO you are indifferent that probably indicates other problems. However, there are times where I might not be completely there, or my wife may be distracted, all due to many of life's challenges (work, finances, kids, trying to keep updated on all the RP threads here  ), and if we waited until we were both 100% mentally there we would end up passing up many opportunities. You don't have to be completely into it all the time to still enjoy it, to enjoy the feeling of your skin against your SOs, to enjoy the bond, and it still feels better then staring at your phone playing Candy Crush  .


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> First off, *what constitutes enthusiastic sex?* I am sure everyone will have a different definition on this.


My best answer here: *a partner that accepts, embraces and nurtures your libido as a healthy part of the marriage. *

It is very possible for a spouse to feel threatened or pressured by their partner's libido, agree to engage in sexual intercourse, and have a mind blowing orgasm as a result. I would much rather have a partner that values my libido as a positive attribute to herself and for her to treat it with compassion during moments that she is unable to reciprocate arousal.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

badsanta said:


> My best answer here: *a partner that accepts, embraces and nurtures your libido as a healthy part of the marriage. *
> 
> It is very possible for a spouse to feel threatened or pressured by their partner's libido,* agree to engage in sexual intercourse, and have a mind blowing orgasm as a result.* I would much rather have a partner that values my libido as a positive attribute to herself and for her to treat it with compassion during moments that she is unable to reciprocate arousal.


Per the bolded, I think it is important to note so it doesn't get twisted, we aren't implying that sex is being forced or that anyone is expecting sex on demand. 

I can think of many times where sex wasn't really on my Ws mind, maybe she was tired, worn out from the kids, etc... I initiate, she doesn't reject b/c her "mid" isn't into it, and it ends with her telling me how much she really needed that.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I guess to me enthusiasm is based in the desire to be there and commit to the act not that it has to be 100% mind blowing. I have had great sex before with women when they didn't orgasm, insert reason here, but I have never had absolute incredible sex without my partner orgasming. So much of my pleasure is tied to hers. I would say this has to be about 80/20. 80% including that enthusiasm and orgasm, 20% can be a quicky just to get buy till we have more time or both feel more intune with one another.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> I get nothing out of mediocre sex.


What if you don't get anything out of mediocre sex but your SO does?

I'm pretty sure what your answer is, but I think that for many people their SO getting something out of it would matter.

I understand that sex when your SO puts no effort into making it good for their partner is unacceptable.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

FrenchFry said:


> I have a current threshold of mindblowing to not at around 8/10. Not every single time, but absolutely the majority.





Wolf1974 said:


> I would say this has to be about 80/20. 80% including that enthusiasm and orgasm, 20% can be a quicky just to get buy till we have more time or both feel more intune with one another.


Both Wolf and FF are running at an 80/20 rate  . I would agree with that as well.

Also, @FrenchFry , in terms of your chore comment, I agree, it can undoubtedly become a chore (I guess called duty sex here), and when that happens you are really just going through the motions.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> Sorry to copy from your other thread but:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well wait where is the goal line on this. I wouldn't have sex with a starfish either. By enthusiasm I take it to mean they are enjoying it, feels good, like the closeness and bonding, just won't like orgasm but this is the bare minimum. What you're talking about I wouldn't ever have sex like that...I would rather play candy crush and I don't even like that game lol


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

FrenchFry said:


> Sorry to copy from your other thread but:
> 
> My husband does. At least, he expects "very into it" and starts to lose interest all the way to actively avoiding sex if I start laying back and letting whatever happens happen.


Yes, I made the mistake of stating I might start a thread on the topic after discussing with @jld , she sent me a PM saying if I didn't she would tell everyone I had a small "trouser monster" 

The question though, is this purely a guy response (which is how it was phrased in the other thread)?


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Per the bolded, I think it is important to note so it doesn't get twisted, we aren't implying that sex is being forced or that anyone is expecting sex on demand.
> 
> I can think of many times where sex wasn't really on my Ws mind, maybe she was tired, worn out from the kids, etc... I initiate, she doesn't reject b/c her "mid" isn't into it, and it ends with her telling me how much she really needed that.


I think this goes to the issue of spontaneous vs responsive desire.

If your SO isn't spontaneously in the mood but gets into it and has a great experience once you get started does that count as enthusiasm?

If my wife was enthusiastic about making me happy and this usually resulted in her being enthusiastic about the sex, that works for me.

I suspect that many of each gender expect both partners to have spontaneous desire at the same time or no sex. This seems problematic, especially since women in LTRs are prone to having responsive desire.

A selfish partner with responsive desire is likely to decline sex because the aren't in the mood.

A selfless partner with responsive desire will care enough about their partner's happiness to give responsive desire a chance to kick in.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> My husband does. At least, he expects "very into it" and starts to lose interest all the way to actively avoiding sex if I start laying back and letting whatever happens happen.


This is my husband as well. My husband once told me that if sex was football, then be expected the Raiders cheering section. All he was getting from me was the equivalent of a golf clap.



FrenchFry said:


> I view it like this: if I really want it, I will make efforts towards it. I expect those efforts to be reciprocated because that would be proof that my SO also really wants it. If the effort is there, the results will be mindblowing. If the effort is not, we/I don't really want it.


This! 

Sent from mobile using Tapatalk


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> Not just starfish. Enjoying it and feeling good is great but I notice a distinct difference in our lifes between the times where I am just "enjoying the closeness" and passing out from the awesomeness.


Ok thanks for the clarification sounds we we are talking about the same thing. Someone here once sad, maybe JLD?, that her husband could care less if she was enjoying sex or not. That's wouldn't work for me so I just wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Yes, I made the mistake of stating I might start a thread on the topic after discussing with @jld ,* she sent me a PM saying if I didn't she would tell everyone I had a small "trouser monster" *
> 
> The question though, is this purely a guy response (which is how it was phrased in the other thread)?


This is all news to me.

Though I'm not surprised.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lila said:


> All he was getting from me was the equivalent of a golf clap.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Yes, I made the mistake of stating I might start a thread on the topic after discussing with @jld , she sent me a PM saying if I didn't_* she would tell everyone I had a small "trouser monster"*_


Well Ellis...do you...?

*Whispers to JLD--Does he...?*

Inquiring minds want to know...>


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> , and if we waited until we were both 100% mentally there_ we would end up passing up many opportunities_.


So, people should have sex because they have the "opportunity" to do so? 

Ellis, that sounds like it's coming from a scarcity mentality instead of an abundant mentality. Kind of like, "We'd better do this NOW, even if we're not that interested because we don't know when the next 'opportunity' may happen". 

I've heard that when it comes to sex, most men (don't shoot me; I'm just the messenger as for the "most" part!) go for _quantity_, while most women go for_ quality_. 

I'm beginning to see that as more of a truism than not these days! 

And I'll take _quality_ over _quantity_ any day.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Vega said:


> I've heard that when it comes to sex, most men (don't shoot me; I'm just the messenger as for the "most" part!) go for _quantity_, while most women go for_ quality_.
> 
> I'm beginning to see that as more of a truism than not these days!
> 
> And I'll take _quality_ over _quantity_ any day.


Yes, I do think that's true to a certain point. However I do think that men do value quality as well just not as much or often as women do. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Yes, I do think that's true to a certain point. However I do think that *men do value quality as well just not as much or often as women do.
> *
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


Why not?


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> Debateable!
> I have a current threshold of mindblowing to not at around 8/10. Not every single time, but absolutely the majority.
> When it drops below this, I lose interest. Without interest, Candy Crush trumps sex.
> 
> I expect those efforts to be reciprocated because that would be proof that my SO also really wants it. If the effort is there, the results will be mindblowing. If the effort is not, we/I don't really want it.


A threshold of 80% of sex being "mindblowing" to even want to have sex?

If that threshold could be maintained, it certainly would be optimal.

If, at some future point, as you both age and you fall under that threshold, is the sex just going to stop?

If that were the threshold for everyone, I think there'd be about 0.5% of couples having sex.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Vega said:


> Why not?


Testosterone


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

FrenchFry said:


> So, Candy Crush example. In bed, I'm playing Candy Crush, my husband is horny.
> 
> When I say no: lazy effort on his part: lazy come-ons, half-hearted "hey, how you doins" or just showing up with an erection and expecting service. Wanting a quickie. Didn't talk to each other all day and now wants sex to go to sleep.
> 
> When I say yes: Full press physicality. Massages. Deconstructing our day. The willingness to spend 30+ minutes on oral. The willingness to get up and shower together so we both enjoy everything. Actual foreplay. I


LOVE this, FrenchFry! It's so TRUE! 

I am curious about something, though. When your man does scenario #1, and you turn him down, does he know WHY you're turning him down? Also, if he DOES know why, does he start to pout and sulk and really NOT understand or accept that you need 'more' than just seeing his raging hard-on to get turned on yourself?


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> It is about the effort my husband is willing to expend to get me to a state of desire. ...
> 
> When I say yes: Full press physicality. Massages. Deconstructing our day. The willingness to spend 30+ minutes on oral. The willingness to get up and shower together so we both enjoy everything. Actual foreplay.


Many women require this level of effort from men in order to have sex.

And then other women get all pissy if anyone talks about women doing sexual things FOR men instead of WITH them.

If it was WITH them, one might see an equal amount of effort on both sides.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

FrenchFry said:


> I don't think it is purely a guy response. However, in my case there is a very clear correlation between how enthusiastic the sex is and how much we are having. I assume other people see the same correlation in their relationships as well.


Can't we have both? :grin2:

I think perhaps it depends on which partner in the relationship is generally more enthusiastic and why. That may indeed most often be the man, but not always. While neither my husband nor I turn each other down often, there are times where one of us is more enthusiastic than the other, and in our case that's usually me. 

For me, my enthusiasm relates to what I want to get from the sex and my overall motivation. Do I just want to feel good physically? Is it raw passion (being horny)? Is it emotional closeness, validation of attraction, stress relief, pleasing your partner, comfort, reproduction? 

Depending on the motivation (which can vary by day), my enthusiasm can vary. We had some of the most amazing sex when we were trying to get pregnant for example because we were both highly motivated and enthusiastic. If I'm looking for comfort or validation, I tend to be less enthusiastic myself, but more demanding of enthusiasm from my husband. If I'm looking to please my husband then his enthusiasm in receiving that pleasure is very important to me.... and so forth.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Vega said:


> Why not?


I guess because I think men are wired to have higher sex drives than women. Men are naturally more horny. Therefore, quantity over quality. 

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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> I guess because I think men are wired to have higher sex drives than women. Men are naturally more horny. Therefore, quantity over quality.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


Naaaaah. I don't think that men in general are 'wired' to have higher sex drives than women. As evidenced by this (and other) forum(s), there are plenty of women out there whose sex drive surpasses that of their male partner.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> A threshold of 80% of sex being "mindblowing" to even want to have sex?
> 
> If that threshold could be maintained, it certainly would be optimal.
> 
> ...


Or, there'd be more people having sex at a lesser frequency for some, higher frequency for others and better overall quality for all!


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Vega said:


> Naaaaah. I don't think that men in general are 'wired' to have higher sex drives than women. As evidenced by this (and other) forum(s), there are plenty of women out there whose sex drive surpasses that of their male partner.


Sure, there are exceptions but I believe they are naturally more horny than women. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> A threshold of 80% of sex being "mindblowing" to even want to have sex?
> 
> If that threshold could be maintained, it certainly would be optimal.
> 
> ...


I am the same way that @FrenchFry is. If sex isn't mind blowing often enough, at this point in my life, I'd rather not engage. I'm willing to respond at any time no matter what mood I'm in. But I have to dig really deep to find enthusiasm for sex when the initiation sequence consists of heavy breathing and a lack luster back scratch. If I have to dig deep too often, I stop wanting to dig at all.

As a woman who is old enough to fall into the category of "at some future point" effort into mind blowing sex is still expected. The more often I have mind blowing, the more I want sex!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Vega said:


> So, people should have sex because they have the "opportunity" to do so?
> 
> Ellis, that sounds like it's coming from a scarcity mentality instead of an abundant mentality. Kind of like, "We'd better do this NOW, even if we're not that interested because we don't know when the next 'opportunity' may happen".
> 
> ...


Lol, not even close. You seem to forget that people have lives (kids, work, etc...) that they have to balance out. So yes, when my W and I get minimal alone time, we need to take advantage of it. Once again, explain to me where there is the problem with this, or do you only see things from your jaded POV?


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> *Yes, I made the mistake of stating I might start a thread on the topic after discussing with @jld , she sent me a PM saying if I didn't she would tell everyone I had a small "trouser monster" *
> 
> The question though, is this purely a guy response (which is how it was phrased in the other thread)?


 @EllisRedding..... @jld.....in a relationship?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I very much regret that back in the day.. I wasn't as "enthusiastic" as I am NOW (but I am going to add a "but" in there...only in the beginning....his reaching out to me)...

That comment many of us heard was true of me -if I was regularly taken care of.. " When it comes to sex, men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. A man can be turned on and hot at the press of a button. A woman needs to be turned on in the morning and takes a while to heat up. You can’t just flip the switch and expect a gourmet meal." I don't know about the morning part so much... but I needed more touching, affection, some kissing, to get me aroused.. basically I just needed "heated up"... he was already there !

So.. back in the day...my husband used to make this comment about me "talking about the paint on the ceiling".. meaning we were in bed together and my mind seemed oblivious to his touch, trying to arouse me, there I was rambling about something outside of our intimacy (the kids, some project, who knows!).. this bothered him...he never showed anger.. but with these comments he tried to get my attention... I think I needed some of this >









Now even if I started out like this... he ALWAYS got me going...you keep touching, things start to happen... then suddenly I was AS HORNY & on fire as he was... and he better not stop...and it always ended with us both very VERY satisfied.. but I have surely learned a lesson here.. 

When my drive became higher over his... suddenly I understood how maddening that might be !!... IF he did this (in the beginning while I was more horny - not that he did - he was smarter than that)... I wouldn't like that AT ALL ... so yeah.. I wanted his full sexy passionate attention on me/ on us and our pleasure...so I seen his side and how I "let him down" at one time in this.. just not realizing..

But yeah.. today.. I "get it" - he loves my enthusiasm .. this heightens his experience.. It also heightens mine.. (We are so much the same!)... I want to feel we are emotionally & physically lost in each other...

I have found I can mentally psyche myself up here just thinking about it, anticipating - pushing other things out - to enhance our loving...


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

I view there as being 3 different kinds of sex. Your go to sex, doing what you know is going to get both partners there. Quickie sex when time is limited and adventurous sex. Go to sex gets me off everytime, adventurous sex will get me off multiple times, and a quickie not so much but still do find it pleasurable.

I like to have sex everyday. With work, kids and all those other responsibilities it's not always feasible to have adventurous sex all the time, but I do make a point to make sure that our sex is adventuous at least once a week. My husband is happy with this and I really don't think he cares as long as I'm into it and enjoying myself he is happy. Oh I'm sure he enjoys the adventuous sex,he just doesn't expect it ever night. If he demanded that the sex we have has to be mind blowing everytime, while I don't think I could deliver that. I think the tease and anticipation up to a night that we know we are going to have more time alone at night makes it all the better. Our go to sex and quickie sex is just as pleasurable, and isn't the old saying too much of a good thing is bad. If we did the mind blowing sex every night I think it would get to be that it would become your go to sex. Then what would you do for adventuous sex?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EunuchMonk said:


> @EllisRedding..... @jld.....in a relationship?


No, no, no.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Ok thanks for the clarification sounds we we are talking about the same thing. Someone here once sad, maybe JLD?, that her husband could care less if she was enjoying sex or not. That's wouldn't work for me so I just wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing.


No, wasn't me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*IMHO, "my lady's" orgasm is absolutely more important to me than anything else in the world!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Yes, I do think that's true to a certain point. However I do think that men do value quality as well just not as much or often as women do.


Frankly, I couldn't be with a guy who didn't expect very high quality sex. Because typically guys who don't, also don't put in the kind of effort it takes (every time) to have high quality sex. If a guy was like "sex is like pizza, even bad pizza is good", I wouldn't date him. Bad pizza is not good to me, it is bad.

Men who only want sex if it is high quality will turn down bad sex, too. In my experience, at least.

But the same men can make a simple act of manual stimulation (on either of us or mutual) into HIGH QUALITY SEX. 

What gets lost in these discussions sometimes in intimacy...which may or may not be present during sex.

For me, this is what makes it mind blowing, what makes me put my heart into it, and what makes it high quality. If I don't feel sexual and emotional intimacy with a man (as well as mutual sexual attraction, which is more than just physical attraction), then I just can't have sex at all, really. My body just won't work. It won't go. I can't make it go even if I thought I could make high quality sex out of it by my own efforts alone. 

But again...I just wouldn't/couldn't be with someone who wasn't compatible with me in this way. 

When I am with someone who is, the sex and intimacy are always mind blowing. Yes, every time. Even a quickie. Even a one way. Even a kiss or a grope.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Daisy12 said:


> If we did the mind blowing sex every night I think it would get to be that it would become your go to sex. Then what would you do for adventuous sex?


Maybe this is different people's interpretations, so we may never be quite on the same page with these ambiguous terms but...

For me the sex is mind blowing every time, but only adventurous sometimes (and of course mind blowing then, too). It doesn't have to be adventurous or anything even special to be mind blowing. The mind being blown part of it comes because I just love sex so much, I am extremely passionate and sexual, and when I get to express myself that way with a happy enthusiastic partner who I feel deep intimacy with...it releases in me something that then stays with me for hours or even days afterwards. It feels like a natural anti-depressant and also a drug (best drug EVER). It makes me have a skip in my step. It makes me want to sing in a meadow full of wild flowers. It makes me stop and smell roses and pet kittens.

I will then be filled with sexual images in my mind all day, too. And I just can't wait to do it again.

Adventurous...that can sometimes happen spontaneously, but usually for me it means planning and time. I look forward to it only slightly more than just any (mind blowing) sex. 

It is never routine, never boring, and no one in my bed is ever going to be starfishing or just going through the motions.

This doesn't mean I don't get it that some people - both men and women - really do feel even bad pizza is good. I get that and I know lots of people get great enjoyment even out of bad pizza (or non mind blowing sex). Some people are more and less sexual, which is normal. Most people are on top of the bell curve like with everything else.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jld said:


> No, wasn't me.


Ok my bad then. Can't remember who


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EunuchMonk said:


> @EllisRedding..... @jld.....in a relationship?
> [/IMG]


Lol, [email protected] no >


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> It is never routine, never boring, and no one in my bed is ever going to be starfishing or just going through the motions.
> 
> .


Well I have to agree, having sex with someone who is just going through the motions or just lying there is no good.:


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> When I say no: lazy effort on his part: lazy come-ons, half-hearted "hey, how you doins" or just showing up with an erection and expecting service. Wanting a quickie. Didn't talk to each other all day and now wants sex to go to sleep.


I guess at 55 I am responsive desire too. And old guy like me might need some oral to get in the mood.

Since we have scheduled sex twice a week, we can and do both come to bed tired and un-horny, but somehow given enough foreplay it does END UP being awesome.

This is the part I keep fighting. As a guy, it's assumed that we come to bed horny and that IS my goal. However, as the years go by it's becoming harder and harder to do so.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

UMP said:


> I guess at 55 I am responsive desire too. And old guy like me might need some oral to get in the mood.
> 
> Since we have scheduled sex twice a week, we can and do both come to bed tired and un-horny, but somehow given enough foreplay it does END UP being awesome.
> 
> This is the part I keep fighting. As a guy, it's assumed that we come to bed horny and that IS my goal. However, as the years go by it's becoming harder and harder to do so.


Being older myself and dating older guys, I get this. And since I want lots of high quality sex, I don't expect him to bring all the horny. I bring it, too, and I bring things that are designed to keep giving him some horny all day. With the right partner, we are basically keeping the fire stoked all day long. Compliments, groping, kissing, sexting, sending naked pictures, talking about what we want to do to each other, talking about what we already did to each other...it is something that we work on constantly.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

UMP said:


> I guess at 55 I am responsive desire too. And old guy like me might need some oral to get in the mood.
> 
> Since we have scheduled sex twice a week, we can and do both come to bed tired and un-horny, but somehow given enough foreplay it does END UP being awesome.
> 
> This is the part I keep fighting. As a guy, it's assumed that we come to bed horny and that IS my goal. However, as the years go by it's becoming harder and harder to do so.


I feel as though I always expected a man to be ready to roll.. from the time we met until I found myself as the more horny antsy partner (8 yrs ago)... it seemed he was always hard, ready to go ! 

Then when I was wearing him out.. yeah.. enter some *male "responsive desire"*... I must admit...I struggled to not take this personally... of course I questioned..."was I loosing my sex appeal?"... I wanted so badly for him to BE that "can't get enough sex" young man again -ready to jump me! It's like back then.. I completely took this for granted.. and suddenly I wanted this more than anything! 

It took me reading more about testosterone & how as men age, their drives calm... for some of us .. *our roles shift* ...I'm now in the position to arouse him, taking more of a lead to get things heated.. "going down" is the ticket !

I have found THIS to be a very helpful book to reassure women that what goes down - we can still get to go UP... 

All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man Over 50


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Being older myself and dating older guys, I get this. And since I want lots of high quality sex, I don't expect him to bring all the horny. I bring it, too, and I bring things that are designed to keep giving him some horny all day. With the right partner, we are basically keeping the fire stoked all day long. Compliments, groping, kissing, sexting, sending naked pictures, talking about what we want to do to each other, talking about what we already did to each other...it is something that we work on constantly.


In my house we call this 'intentionality'. 

In order to reduce the occurrence of performance anxiety, we (h and I) have to be intentional about sex. The quality has to be good for both or it isn't happening for either.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Being older myself and dating older guys, I get this. And since I want lots of high quality sex, I don't expect him to bring all the horny.* I bring it, too, and I bring things that are designed to keep giving him some horny all day.*


 @Faithful Wife the ambiguity of that comment is rather exquisite. As much as I want to ask "what things" you just awoke the favorite parts of my imagination that have an incredibly dark sense of humor. Please never reveal the actual answer to me, and in the meantime I have visions of stuff like this in my mind:

OMFG I was just on Amazon looking through kinky things at the part where "customer's also purchased" to get some strange ideas. Along with Shibari rope, people buy snorkels and absorbent pads. My favorite was that someone that purchased "Pacos Taco Stroker" also had to make it a point to buy a set of "driveway spikes" to prevent a getaway!!!!

https://www.amazon.com/Screaming-O-Pacos-Taco-Stroker/dp/B00GMW7HHY

Thanks for this!!!

Badsanta


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Bad santa...you are freaking hysterical!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> If I have to dig deep too often, I stop wanting to dig at all.


Word.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

The taco stroker!!! Bahahaha! 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> The taco stroker!!! Bahahaha!
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


I wasn't really joking, but I see what you did there and I like the way you think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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