# My husband avoids pleasuring me



## PinkUnicorn11 (Apr 10, 2021)

Hi everybody, it’s my first time posting here. Me and my husband got together in our teens and married at 24/25 years old. We have two children together. I am close to breaking point right now and need some advice. My husband when he wants sex maybe twice a week will just have sex with me and that’s it. No foreplay, no nothing. I very often do oral on him nearly every time but to him I feel am just here to pleasure him? I have discussed this many times with him but he avoids it greatly... I recently purchased some sex toys for the first time in my life because I just feel deprived of sexual pleasure basically and he got very angry at this, which I’m confused about really. I don’t know what else to say to him to get him to see my side... 
Thank you for reading


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your anger is real, his is surreal.

Enjoy your toys.
Forget about giving him BJ's.

He will come around, or he will need to come on his own.

Tell him your why-fors.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why are you still giving him oral?

Stop now.

And keep your toys....tell him if he'd make some effort you wouldn't need them.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

What is wrong with some men???!!! He'll be the same guy complaining, 5 years from now, that his marriage is dead and lifeless and wants it to be over because his wife isn't interested in sex.

Do you think he enjoys sex? Would he enjoy more of it? Could you convince him that, with a bit of effort on his part, adding another day of sex each week would be something you'd look forward to? 

Your husband has no idea how fortunate he is. How many wives have lost interest in sex when kids came along. He's got a wife who's had kids and wants to take things to the next level. 

I assume he's always been this way? If not, you're going to be dealing with a bunch of replies suggesting he's seeing someone on the side. Don't let that get to you. Of course, make sure it's not true.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Stop having sex with him until he is ready to finally listen to your side. Tell him your tired of being a sex toy for him so you got some of your own.
We waited until our 40s to try sex toys... they are great!


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## PinkUnicorn11 (Apr 10, 2021)

Loving these replies, thanks so much! He’s pretty much always been like this. I only really got thinking about how bad things were in the bedroom after speaking to my friends about it a few months ago, and since then it’s been killing me that I could be having the sex others are getting


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

PinkUnicorn11 said:


> since then it’s been killing me that I could be having the sex others are getting


Yep, but probably the best way to get there is to cut him off from oral at least, until he gets a clue that it's not just about him. He doesn't get to just use your body as a masturbation tool.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

PinkUnicorn11 said:


> I could be having the sex others are getting


With a little risk and imagination, you can be having the sex others are getting.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

PinkUnicorn11 said:


> Hi everybody, it’s my first time posting here. Me and my husband got together in our teens and married at 24/25 years old. We have two children together. I am close to breaking point right now and need some advice. My husband when he wants sex maybe twice a week will just have sex with me and that’s it. No foreplay, no nothing. I very often do oral on him nearly every time but to him I feel am just here to pleasure him? I have discussed this many times with him but he avoids it greatly... I recently purchased some sex toys for the first time in my life because I just feel deprived of sexual pleasure basically and he got very angry at this, which I’m confused about really. I don’t know what else to say to him to get him to see my side...
> Thank you for reading


Yeah, no other way to say it but he is selfish. I mean you can't even say it's some kind of misguided cleanliness thing, because he could join in with the toys or use them with you and it is no real sacrifice on his part. At least thing you could get some pleasure out of it. 

Unfortunately there are people who don't do oral. That still doesn't mean sex can't be good, but usually women at least need some other kind of stimulation. PIV sex usually is not enough for them to get off on. Which the toys can help with and be fun for both of you.

I don't know what else you CAN say. Maybe - "nah not tonight. It's too boring." He will probably get angry like the big baby he is being.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

PinkUnicorn11 said:


> Loving these replies, thanks so much! He’s pretty much always been like this. I only really got thinking about how bad things were in the bedroom after speaking to my friends about it a few months ago, and since then it’s been killing me that I could be having the sex others are getting


Is he low drive or secretly watching porn? This always seems to be the case when someone has a “low drive” husband.

Ive found myself in the same situation but found out he had actually been obsessively beating off rather than having sex with me.

You get one life. Cut out the blow jobs and start working on yourself! He may come around but it’s unlikely. Mine bumped up the “duty” sex but that is almost as bad as rejection.

Good luck!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

PinkUnicorn11 said:


> Loving these replies, thanks so much! He’s pretty much always been like this. I only really got thinking about how bad things were in the bedroom after speaking to my friends about it a few months ago, and since then it’s been killing me that I could be having the sex others are getting


Umm.

And, that is how it starts.

The grass and the sex is better on the other side of the fence.

And, you would be correct.

I hope your man wakes up.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

I am so sorry! Wish my wife was as giving as your are. I offer do to anything my wife wants sexually, give her oral, use sex toys etc. but she rarely takes me up on it. Maybe once a month. I would pleasure her in any way she wants.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

woodyh said:


> I am so sorry! Wish my wife was as giving as your are. I offer do to anything my wife wants sexually, give her oral, use sex toys etc. but she rarely takes me up on it. Maybe once a month. I would pleasure her in any way she wants.


Not to thread jack but Woody if you want advice on this please post a thread.

For the OP’s situation I agree with most here that you should start withholding until he gets the point that sex is about you as well. The oral in particular. If he likes it as it is with no reciprocation then he should get you off first.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)




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