# Don't know what to think. Advice please!!



## rocky1 (Mar 31, 2013)

Hello. New to the site and looking for some guidance. 
I suffer from anxiety and depression. My wife and I have been married for 14 years. I'm not sure where to start and am going to try to not carry on to much here. 
When things are good they are good. There just seems to be so many ups and downs. We have always had a good sexual relationship but it has change. I feel guilty anymore asking for for it and it has always been me to insinuate sex in our relationship. 
My wife travels for work sometimes and I've always had a hard time when she's gone. My anxiety kicks in and I worry constantly. And this makes her so mad. Her remarks have not helped my situation any. She tells me I'm not the same person she married and I know that and I'm trying. She told me physically ( as in I've put on some wait) that im not the same person. I know this to but sometimes she can be a little harsh about it. She knows i have insecurity problems as well and that hurts. She makes comments about how I parent our children and makes me feel like I 'M not a good father. Like I said things can go great and then a get in these moods and it kills everything. 
We always sit down and talk about issues but I feel everything I say is wrong and she is right and feel she doesnt even want to meet me in the middle to help. That last state from her I am not dealing with was about our love for each other. I always complement her and hug her, kiss her on the back of the neck when we're making dinner in the kitchen just to show her I m here. She has a hard time showing me this and tells me love is more than physical approaches its emotional to. So I asked her why she cant show me emotional love to. Her answer is " I dont have emotions like that for you anymore. I still love you but not that way." What does this mean?!!! Please help. with advice.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I suggest you read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

Your anxiety and depression might also benefit from the nutrition advice in The Mood Cure: The 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions--Today: Julia Ross: 9780142003640: Amazon.com: Books .


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Will she go to marriage counseling? What does she suggest you do? You need to communicate better somehow. Maybe see a mental health professional for your anxiety issues? I have to take meds to control my anxiety, but some can get by with CBT (cognative behavioral therapy.) Good luck!


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## rocky1 (Mar 31, 2013)

She is open for counseling. We are going to a couples retreat in April. An organization I believe called Family Life. I know it will be good for both of us. I feel like we communicate all the time but doesn't stick for very long. Her telling me she isn't emotionally in love with me any more hurts really bad. What have I become to her? I feel like she has more fun going out with her guy colleagues at work than she does me anymore. She goes out when she travels every night dancing with guys and drinking and I worry about that and that [email protected]$#[email protected] her off. My wife has a great career and a lot of who she works around are men. But when she's out clubbing and dancing with them, yea I get a little jealous. What man wouldn't? My counselor said something to me once, " never do anything you wouldn't do in front of your spouse." I told my wife that and got nothing but silence.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Have you seen any signs that she might be cheating on you? What causes you anxiety when shes traveling and what exactly do you do then that angers her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rocky1 (Mar 31, 2013)

[size=I certain she's not cheating. Two days after she told me this I asked her if she was in love with or had feelings for someone else. She said it clearly wasn't the case. Some days are better than others. Actually a lot of the time I fell OK. But when there is anxiety I'm usually grouchy and respond to her in not so appropriate ways. I don't even realize it until after and this is what is pushing her away. The last couple days have been really good. I' ve been trying to be a happy person and not let little things get to me. What gets to me when she is traveling is the fact that she is out until all hours of the night. I know she has to let her hair down once in awhile but she is out every night. She does have two very young boys to come home to. I've asked her to help calm me when Im in this anxiety mood. Just hertouch or hugs do wonders. But instead she ggets mad. I am taking lexapro which has seemed to help but I have a hard time remembering to take meds. Probably not a good thing. For now things seem to be looking up. Its still hard to believed she told me what she did but I'm trying very hard not to think about it and concentrating on being the man she married. Thank you all for the replies.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

rocky1 said:


> [size=I certain she's not cheating. Two days after she told me this I asked her if she was in love with or had feelings for someone else. She said it clearly wasn't the case. Some days are better than others. Actually a lot of the time I fell OK. But when there is anxiety I'm usually grouchy and respond to her in not so appropriate ways. I don't even realize it until after and this is what is pushing her away. The last couple days have been really good. I' ve been trying to be a happy person and not let little things get to me. What gets to me when she is traveling is the fact that she is out until all hours of the night. I know she has to let her hair down once in awhile but she is out every night. She does have two very young boys to come home to. I've asked her to help calm me when Im in this anxiety mood. Just hertouch or hugs do wonders. But instead she ggets mad. I am taking lexapro which has seemed to help but I have a hard time remembering to take meds. Probably not a good thing. For now things seem to be looking up. Its still hard to believed she told me what she did but I'm trying very hard not to think about it and concentrating on being the man she married. Thank you all for the replies.[/QUOTE]
> 
> Okay my friend listen........... carefully - really carefully
> 
> ...


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