# daughter is developing lazy patterns at school



## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

my daughter is 7 yrs old in second grade. she is very intelligent and is popular in her class. however like i was growing up she is becoming a lazy student and routinely does subpar in her tests/quizzes/etc because she doesn't apply herself. we've talked with her about it and discussed taking away privileges if this poor habit doesn't improve. the theme in these talks is we know she is smart and we want her to be the best she can be. 
my daughter claims she is easily distracted and can't focus. however when she is doin something she actually enjoys - concentration isn't a problem (just like her old man). id like to nip this in the bud while she's still young.
any tips or advice on this?
thanks


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

She's bored. Give her new things to do like science projects at the local science museum or going to the art museum or something in performing arts or or or or.....whatever. Schools are horrible places for kids unless they're dull to begin with and the 1050 class hrs/yr they give you most of them are stupid and wasted.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

effess said:


> we've talked with her about it and discussed taking away privileges if this poor habit doesn't improve.


Taking away her privileges is a form of punishment. Young children often see this as punitive and do not make the correlation that they brought it down on themselves. Depending upon the child, it can be seen as the parent being mean and the child misses the point she has the control.

Reverse it.  Instead of taking things away from her, let her know that for her to have <insert those privileges here> she must do well in school. Be clear and set precise goals. I would make a chart or something.

I tell my kids that I don't get paid until I earn it and the same applies to them.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> she is very intelligent and is popular in her class.


Teacher speaking here. You do know these two are mutually exclusive in the teen world she is entering don't you? If you excel at school you pay the price in popularity. Kids that demonstrate their intelligence in the form of school results become outcasts. So, basically, what is happening is that your daughter considers being popular more important. It usually happens in the 7th grade (hormonal changes are a big influence in this with sexual maturation on full drive) and will basically last until she finds out that school popularity is often a dead end that leads nowhere. 

If needed drop the modern A-Bomb. Take away her cell phone


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Sounds like someone was bitten by the love bug...


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

costa200 said:


> Teacher speaking here. You do know these two are mutually exclusive in the teen world she is entering don't you? If you excel at school you pay the price in popularity. Kids that demonstrate their intelligence in the form of school results become outcasts. So, basically, what is happening is that your daughter considers being popular more important. It usually happens in the 7th grade (hormonal changes are a big influence in this with sexual maturation on full drive) and will basically last until she finds out that school popularity is often a dead end that leads nowhere.
> 
> If needed drop the modern A-Bomb. Take away her cell phone


You know in high school there were actually kids that were popular and did well in school. Now maybe that was unique to my HS since it was a parochial school, but I've never seen the above to be true. Now I was neither popular nor an accomplished student. So the opposite held true for me :rofl:. 

Anyway, I see some bad patterns emerging, and I just want her to develop a habit of excelling. I want her to reach her potential, whatever that means for her. And on the path she's demonstrating at the moment, I don't see that happening for her.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

Falene said:


> Taking away her privileges is a form of punishment. Young children often see this as punitive and do not make the correlation that they brought it down on themselves. Depending upon the child, it can be seen as the parent being mean and the child misses the point she has the control.
> 
> Reverse it. Instead of taking things away from her, let her know that for her to have <insert those privileges here> she must do well in school. Be clear and set precise goals. I would make a chart or something.
> 
> I tell my kids that I don't get paid until I earn it and the same applies to them.


Right now, the consequences of her continued bad grades are:
1) less TV privileges to watch what she wants 
2) if we see bad grades during the week she'll have to do extra homework assigned by my wife and I on the weekend
3) and if it continues by the holidays, no tablet for Christmas

Do you think this is the route to go? 
When it comes to issues of discipline like behavioral stuff, I'm pretty solid at that end of it. But growing up, my mother was too distracted with work, marital issues, and my little sister (who was a nightmare) to really make sure I applied myself in school (not saying it was her fault, it was all mine, but I didn't have that guidance/structure when it came to studies). I just knew if I flunked a test, I'd get a _ass-whoopin'_. So I just made sure not to fail. Excellence was optional. 
My wife was an excellent student, but she did it because of her innate fear of failing at school :scratchhead:. So she hasn't offered much in terms of how to deal with this, and tends to take my lead in this issue.
I'm open to suggestions and ideas. If I'm doing this all wrong, please tell me :rofl:. I just want my daughter to not regret (like I do) taking school for granted.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

I agree with Falene. We recently went to a presentation at our kids middle school on this very subject. One of the main points was that punishments are meant to discourage negative behavior. Rewards are meant to encourage positive behaviors. Getting your D to apply herself is a positive behavior - give her incentives. Use what she likes, what she wants. You are more likely to get better results this way than "punishing".

I think Dog has a good point too. She's bored, doesn't feel challenged.


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