# 30 year marriage....with issues...and after the death of a child



## 2behappy

Wow...where to begin? 30 years ago I married my highschool sweetheart....he's a good man....functions and a good provider. I work as well...make more money...he's ok with that. We have 5 beautiful children...one that left due to an auto accident when he was 17...would be 26 now...he was on his way to school....(insert scream here)...thus the choice to parent again....so nearly 50, I have a 21 year old (4th year in college)....a 6th grader....5th grader...and 2nd grader. I'm very active...extremely social...he's not. His drinking has become violent...we've never been "unfaithful" except for an EA that I had years ago...and believe me that it was just that ...an EA....nothing physical....but the lonliness is horrible. We talked...but yes, painful to my DH just the same. Now...I find myself so sad all of the time....so alone. I've learned through the years to remove the "almighty ME" from the situation and everyone is happier...but now I worry that I'll spend the next years (maybe my last years) unhappy. I'm a true type "A" personality...he's so antisocial....doesn't talk to anyone unless I invite them over. From the years past we've been a local social gathering as our home accomodates. In the last few years of his alcoholism he's become "lushy".....with my friends..with the gals invited to my parties. How sad... I have to admit that I too have joined forces in some manner. I never drank...I drink now....I over look his lush'ism (for the lack of another word) and I too flirt....just not like him. I'm lonely...so very lonely....and I guess my post here is just to hear that it's "time to move on"....two adults separating and putting the children first. Dang....should I just remove the "all mighty ME" and stay? I'm strong...forceful...I just want to be weak....is that bad as well? Maybe I just want to smile.....and be a great parent....without the baggage? Sad ha?


----------



## Cherry

What do you want? How was your marriage up to the EA? Was it the same as it is now? Lonely? Is your H happy with the way things are?


----------



## 2behappy

I'm not sure what I want......maybe just to be happy. The EA was really nothing to me in comparison to what it was to my husband. The young boy was "just that"....a young boy....he had just returned from the Marines for 4 years...came over to see if I had any yard work etc.....and started writing poetry for me....I didn't even see it coming to be honest. My husband wouldn't change anything....but no, he's not happy either. He's content sitting on the couch watching TV. When our son passed....much of my husband passed as well. He was 17.... I just don't feel like I've ever had that "awe" kind of feeling....and now after 30 years I believe I'm just lonely. Sad ha....when I really do have so much to be thankful for.....


----------



## Spousal Unit

Hi,
It sounds like you and your H each found ways to deal with the grief of your child's death--neither of them especially healthy for the relationship. There is an organization for parents who have experienced the death of a child called the Compassionate Friends. Compassionate Friends


----------

