# Valentines Will it be just another day for you?



## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

Hey ladies, or men if you want to indulge us with your thoughts...Will Valentines Day be just another day for you? Are you clearly expecting nothing from your spouse because you are going through current or chronic tough times together?

For me, he has lived outside of the bedroom for about going on 2 years now...stays gone all the time with your child, because that is his passion and current voluntary job for others...( nightly until about 7:30-8pm) and just about every weekend out of town to an event for our child and other children on the team....

Do you just hang on for your child? Do you hang on to hopes that something will click in his mind and he will realize what he is doing? Do you keep going to your therapist for the past 5 years religiously just to vent and be able to deal ? 

Although I may not be physically abused, I have come to terms that I am in the utmost deepest kind of mental and emotionally abusive relationship that I can't figure out how to get out of...

yes, I have posted before, yes, I am still here...I have so much respect and love for my son that I don't know how to disrupt the marriage and move on...although I know it is what I should do.....I keep taking it day after day and my heart I believe may be a shriveled up piece of beef jerky or lettuce at this point...


Maybe , just maybe what is wrong with me is nothing....maybe I am just upholding my end of the marital vow that is an unconditional love.....unconditional in so many aspects..

:crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying:


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Valentines will be just another day for my partner and myself. Not because there's anything wrong with our relationship but just because I've never been much of a holiday/celebratory person. I have such a hard time remembering his birthday alone. Our anniversary, forget it, can't remember that either. Out of all the holidays I think Valentines Day is probably the one I'm most averse too. I love watching other couples do stuff for each other but I can't bother with it myself. If he wants to get dinner or something on the day then sure, I love food so I'd happily indulge. 

But more importantly, OP it seems you have a more serious problem than potentially not getting anything from your spouse. You can't possibly think staying in this is better for your son in the long run.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Vday is just another day for me, a hallmark "holiday" meant really for companies to rake in the money. I rather focus on our wedding anniversary, birthdays, and just in general doing things for each other year round.

That being said, and agreeing with Keke, your issues seem to go way beyond Vday.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

SignOfLife said:


> :crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying:


Is this worth your life? You know you die eventually, and you can't get any time back.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I'm not Catholic, so I don't celebrate Saint Valentine's Day. I'm definitely more in the camp of hubby and I doing something romantic because he or I wants to, not because of a date on a calendar. That would feel empty to me anyway. I realize I'm in the minority on that thought pattern.

That being said honey, that is not even really what your post was about. You are suffering in a very unhappy marriage. I completely understand staying because of your son, I did this in my first marriage, many years past when I thought I couldn't stay anymore.

Divorce is difficult, and has been very hard on my youngest. Everyone says "kids are resilient" and sure, they are, they don't die, but it is REALLY hard on many of them. As parents, we do everything we can to not make things harder on our kids. I don't know your story, or what you and he have tried to do to improve your marriage. I'm for families staying together whenever possible. Part of me wishes I could have stayed till my kids were grown. The other part of me could never imagine having missed the opportunity to meet my second husband who is completely part of my soul. 

Wherever your path takes you, I hope you and your family will have true happiness and peace. All my best!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Valentines day is especially hard on betrayed spouses, after all it is a day that celebrates romantic love, and ****, the worst that could happen in a romantic relationship has happened...but it is not the end of the world, if you are willing to work.

Hey folks, if we could recover Valentines day, then anyone can. You see, Valentines day, 1988, was DDAY. She asked and I admitted the affair. She locked herself in the bedroom, I left. Her and I separated that day. I went to a cheap motel, and slept with the AP. (To this day, I still cannot believe that my need to escape was that foolishly strong) That was the lowest I could go. If that damn fog wasn't upon me, I would have never done anything so patently stupid.

After we reconciled, Valentines day was a grim reminder for the first ten years afterward. I worked my ass off every year to make that painful memory go away. The week before was characterized by depression and the occasional fight. (I would buy romantic gifts, one year she got me a pair of socks-now I know that does not sound appetizing, but it was momentous in that she was recognizing that I was trying hard to remake that day) Making the day over, really came together ten years afterward, I surprised her with a getaway, and a show far out of town, and away from the triggers. Since then, Valentines day is filled with some gifts, some naughty toys, and we make a conscious effort to have mind blowing sex on that day. 30 years after the fact, we have recovered Valentines day.


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## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

Keke24 said:


> Valentines will be just another day for my partner and myself. Not because there's anything wrong with our relationship but just because I've never been much of a holiday/celebratory person. I have such a hard time remembering his birthday alone. Our anniversary, forget it, can't remember that either. Out of all the holidays I think Valentines Day is probably the one I'm most averse too. I love watching other couples do stuff for each other but I can't bother with it myself. If he wants to get dinner or something on the day then sure, I love food so I'd happily indulge.
> 
> But more importantly, OP it seems you have a more serious problem than potentially not getting anything from your spouse. You can't possibly think staying in this is better for your son in the long run.


Yes obviously my issue is deeper than Vday that's not what the post was about...Its not asking if Vday is commercialized or not , its not about me thinking I need something on Vday...its about all other things ...Vday and what and how others feel...its a deep thought......


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Spicy said:


> I'm not Catholic, so I don't celebrate Saint Valentine's Day.


Interesting, I have never viewed it as a Catholic holiday. I do wonder how many people actually associate it with Catholicism (I think you are the first person I have very heard state this).


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

This topic keeps coming up, and I have some concerns about this year that I want to talk about, I hope you don't mind me using this thread to explore.

Over the past 3 years or so as we approach a major change in life (our children are all adults), we have grown apart and together and apart again. So far not enough of our kids have moved out of the house to free up a spare bedroom for me. But Next Month it could happen. So Valentines . . . .

We are very busy between now and the first week in March. Too busy to schedule any special events except maybe a dinner. My current Diet makes dining out a challenge, but doable. I was taught by my Grandmother the importance of doing things for valentines. When my kids were in public School I made sure they all had a nice valentines gift in the morning so that no matter how badly the school day went they would feel loved. Now I've fallen out of the habit. But I did order a nice trinket for Mrs. Nail, that should arrive today. I was thinking about adding flowers then I thought she might appreciate a silk arrangement that would last longer. Off the cuff I mentioned to her that Valentines was soon and I got a cut "so what" reply. Now I don't care if she doesn't do anything. Busy trumps everything in her world, and at this point I understand that. But I'm feeling a bit foolish for for bothering to try. 

In 5 weeks the stress will be over and we will be getting close again. But, that is also the time a spare bedroom should open up. Better not to make any plan I think.

Well @SignOfLife the holiday has sharpened your perception of your unmet needs. You will feel differently in a few weeks. Eventually you may decide to take action to separate, but I don't think this would be the best time to make that decision.


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## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

Thanks Mr. Nail! -----Don't feel foolish for doing things for her..Just you considering it and doing is amazing...

Me , its not just the Holiday..its every day and it wont change...Just was curious what other situations were..My therapist admitted to me he has no, absolutely no clients now or in the past that their spouse lives literally on the driveway of the home! maybe another bedroom but no outside...

So Im in search of someone with my same experience...what a bizarre man! (my spouse)..I just don't understand him at all...


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## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

I completely understand that...I do.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I don't know how old your son is, but staying together is not always best for the kids. It depends on the situation. Your son, once he gets old enough (if he's not already there), is going to see the tension in the household. Kids are very perceptive. 

You deserve to be happy. Your son deserves to understand that accepting mental & emotional abuse is NOT okay. He's currently learning how to treat future women. He may even be learning that what is currently going on between the 2 of you is "normal". How do you feel about that?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Probably just another day. We both see it mostly as a way for companies to make money on cards and candy. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

For me it will be just another day. I know beyond any doubt she will do absolutely nothing for me but I will be expected to do something for her. I only wish that I really wanted to do something but being expected to do something is twice as bad as knowing there will be no reciprocation.


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## RosaMimosa (Feb 4, 2017)

If any of you don't want to do the Valentines usual you can use of the ideas from the article.
as I said in some other thread, i'll be getting a takeaway!
https://www.buzzfeed.com/gorzauni/romance-is-dead-anti-valentines-day-ideas-for-c-2sfg0


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> For me it will be just another day. I know beyond any doubt she will do absolutely nothing for me but I will be expected to do something for her. I only wish that I really wanted to do something but being expected to do something is twice as bad as knowing there will be no reciprocation.


So will you do something for her this year?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

SignOfLife said:


> Yes obviously my issue is deeper than Vday that's not what the post was about...Its not asking if Vday is commercialized or not , its not about me thinking I need something on Vday...its about all other things ...Vday and what and how others feel...its a deep thought......


Where does the post point to Vday being commercialized? You post 6 paragraphs and only 1 refers to Vday. I see others commenting on the same issues in your post. If you don't want us to comment on what you present, don't present it.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Steve1000 said:


> So will you do something for her this year?


Yeah, in our marriage it's better to try to keep the peace instead of doing what would make the most sense or to try to make a point.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

V Day will be like many other days here, I will get flowers and lots of loving. I will be celebrating it with a man that is not the father of my children.

Do not stay in a bad marriage for the kids, it is not a healthy place for them or you.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

My partner and I have only been together about 10 months, and he's a little bit commitment-phobic. He recognizes that we are a couple, we are seeing each other, we are in a romantic relationship, we are exclusive... but saying that we are dating or boyfriend/girlfriend is off-limits, because in his mind that signifies a very serious commitment. The love is there, but neither of us has said it yet... I think we're both a little bit scared to say it, and I think it might freak him out a little bit. And there have been (2) times before, in the first few months we were together, when he declared that my feelings for him were stronger, that he just didn't feel the same way about me. At the time, he was denying and lying to himself about what he really felt, as a defense mechanism and a way to protect himself, and I knew it, even if he didn't realize that's what he was doing at the time. Even though I understand that, there is part of me that is very hesitant to say the L word, because I'm scared that he's going to respond that he doesn't feel the same way. So there is a very stubborn part of me that is determined to not say it first.

So I wasn't quite sure how to address Valentine's Day. It's kind of like a landmine. Because it's a romantic holiday, and he can be very romantic. Not necessarily in the traditional flowers and candy sort of thing, but he's romantic in his own way, and in a way that matches my own sensibilities. But it's also a holiday about love, and since we haven't really talked about that, it's kind of a loaded holiday.

And here's the kicker: I think it's a total bull-sh!t holiday, completely commercialized and promoted to sell crap that no one needs, like cheap teddy bears and bad candy, and greeting cards with declarations of love and whatever, overpriced food at crowded restaurants with bad service because they're so busy. And for what? So a guy can prove to his mate that he loves her (or him, if they're gay)? Because Valentine's Day is all about the girl. All this schlock, pomp, and circumstance so he can prove his love. But why? Why does he have to prove his love? If he loves her, he should be showing her that (and she should be feeling it) every day; he shouldn't need a commercially dedicated day to show his love. Valentine's Day basically says, pull out all the stops on this day, and you can slack all year long. WTF?

Not only that, but Valentine's Day makes single people (especially women) feel like CRAP, and serves as a reminder that, "Hey, Single Person, we're just going to throw it in your face that you're not good enough to have someone to spend this most special of all days with. And no matter where you go or what you do on this most special day of all days, you will be reminded of it. And if you go out with a single gal pal on the most special day of all days, everyone will assume you're a lesbian."

Even so, I love holidays in general. So, even though I think V-Day is bullsh!t, I'm still probably going to want to send at least a little GIF or something. My guy loves gummi candy, so maybe get him some V-Day themed gummies or something. I just don't want to make a big deal about it. Because, as much as I dislike it, it feels really good to have someone in your life like him when V-Day rolls around.

(I know, I'm a walking contradiction. It's one of my hallmarks.)

So, how to express this to a guy who IS romantic, but perhaps not in the traditional sense, who has a romantic relationship with me, but with whom I haven't discussed the L word? Do I just ignore it and hope that it passes by without incident? Because I don't want to totally ignore it. And what if he wants to celebrate and I'm caught totally unawares?

Apparently, he had been thinking along the same lines... on Sunday, we stopped at Walgreens because I needed some cold medicine, and the place was just festooned with Valentine's Day stuff. The guy in front of us in line was holding a stuffed bear with a heart sewn into its paws. My guy throws his arm around my shoulders, kisses my forehead, and says, "We don't need to do Valentine's Day because very day is Valentine's Day with you and me, babe."

It was just about perfect. We did talk about it a little more, but we really didn't need to. I'm still going to do a little something, but just because I want to, not because it's expected. And I'm not expecting anything from him. Because I don't need a special day to tell me how he feels about me.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

We're dealing with uncontrollable circumstances outside our love right now that make celebrating Valentine's Day like I had wanted to very difficult. Without revealing too much detail, if things don't go well, V-day might be just another day for us. We'll have an evening at the theatre, but other than that I doubt I'll have the psychological fortitude to plan anything spectacular. 

If nothing disastrous does turn up, we'll have a wonderful day indeed! I'll hand make him a card, and I've been hinting I want a card and flowers as well. I'll decorate the house with roses and candles and flower petals, and make lovely strawberry smoothies for us. We'll spend the day at home together, giving each other lengthy massages and maybe going for a walk, before I put on my best ballgown and we go out for dinner and a show.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

And this is my PSA so that everyone can have a great Valentine's Day: Follow Dan Savage's advice.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> Yeah, in our marriage it's better to try to keep the peace instead of doing what would make the most sense or to try to make a point.


Do you get steak and bj day at least?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I am sending my GF one of those edible arrangements to her work for her and all her coworkers. I liked that better than sending flowers because it's slightly different. I work the night before so I will stop and see if they have iris at the store, which I doubt, so I will get a couple dozen roses and bring them home ( give some to my daughters which they always get a kick out of) I have to work VDay night so we are going to Denver and stay overnight this weekend and do a couple of museums up there. All should be good


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> I was thinking about adding flowers then I thought she might appreciate a silk arrangement that would last longer.


An unsolicited PSA . No silk flowers. Real ones.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Definitely not another day for me. I offered to take wifey out for lunch but she declined - too busy. I got invited to the birthday lunch of She Who Is Available And To My Liking 😁. Only a handful of close friends in a very classy and expensive seafood restaurant.

I made sure to mail care packages to my daughters, too. Felt silly mailing chocolate to the younger in Switzerland... and cat treats and lots of coffee to the older.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> And this is my PSA so that everyone can have a great Valentine's Day: Follow Dan Savage's advice.




If I had a relationship where i could follow his advice, I wouldn't need to be reading TAM.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> I am sending my GF one of those edible arrangements to her work for her and all her coworkers. I liked that better than sending flowers because it's slightly different. I work the night before so I will stop and see if they have iris at the store, which I doubt, so I will get a couple dozen roses and bring them home ( give some to my daughters which they always get a kick out of) I have to work VDay night so we are going to Denver and stay overnight this weekend and do a couple of museums up there. All should be good


Don't get one that's too big, unless there are a lot of people in her office. That's a LOT of fruit to eat. (I would take it all apart and freeze the fruit so I could make smoothies, but I'm a dork like that.)

If you want roses, you should order them in advance--they're always in high demand on V-Day. I love the iris idea. Unique.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

i spent two hours with her on one of the last nice Saturdays in the fall buying silk flowers, and now you say she doesn't like them. Boy have I been had. I guess I'll stop listening to her.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> i spent two hours with her on one of the last nice Saturdays in the fall buying silk flowers, and now you say she doesn't like them. Boy have I been had. I guess I'll stop listening to her.


If she LIKES them and she wanted them, it's all good. Most women don't like the fake flowers 

Even if she didn't actually like fake flowers, you still did better than my XH. For my birthday once, he bought me an encyclopedia of roses, and he was like, "Now I don't have to buy you flowers anymore, because you always have them!"

1. The jerk never bought me flowers anyway, I always bought my own flowers. In the 11 yrs we were together, he bought me flowers twice. Maybe three times.
2. I HATE roses. They're my least favorite flower.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> Don't get one that's too big, unless there are a lot of people in her office. That's a LOT of fruit to eat. (I would take it all apart and freeze the fruit so I could make smoothies, but I'm a dork like that.)
> 
> If you want roses, you should order them in advance--they're always in high demand on V-Day. I love the iris idea. Unique.


Iris is her favorite flower but hard to come by this time of year. Roses are never hard to find at 6 am on VDay. Now 6 pm when plenty of husbands are going ohh **** better run to the store it's another matter lol

I hope the arrangement I got isn't too big, hard to judge by the picture but she does work with about 12 people so I think we will be ok.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*No woman currently in Ol' Arb's life ~ so nothing special is really in order for Valentines Day!*


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Probably, it's a work day and I don't really subscribe to the idea. I think it is more important to treat each other well on a day to day basis, go for dinner, coffee, gifts, etc whenever.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)




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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> i spent two hours with her on one of the last nice Saturdays in the fall buying silk flowers, and now you say she doesn't like them. Boy have I been had. I guess I'll stop listening to her.


Well then my apologies. Had no idea she liked silk flowers. And FTR, i didnt say she didn't like them. I have no idea who you people are. 

Serves me right for giving my unsolicited .02


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I get sad when I come here. I always thought that my marriage and those of our close friends were pretty standard. Small disagreements here and there but a true partnership between husband and wife. No unconditional love, only love that is deserved and reciprocated.

Valentine's Day will be special for us. My wife will make a special meal. I will buy her flowers and am hiring a local Barbershop Quartet to come to our house and surprise my wife by singing two love songs. I have also refrained from sex for two weeks so that sex will be special on V Day. We have celebrated V Day for all 44 years of our marriage. The gifts went from very expensive jewelry to flowers and special events. Wife has too much jewelry and cannot wear it all. 

You do not have to live in an unhappy marriage. Life is too short for that. Perhaps it is that way in your culture but most people that I know will divorce if they are not happy with their spouse. I can only wish you the best and hope that someone will make you feel good on Valentine's Day.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

aine said:


> Probably, it's a work day and I don't really subscribe to the idea. I think it is more important to treat each other well on a day to day basis, go for dinner, coffee, gifts, etc whenever.


This is me & my husband.. we rarely celebrate something on the day.. it's when it's convenient, the next day we have off together, maybe we'll go out to eat.... He never buys me anything.. I don't buy him anything either, we sound so boring.. now when Easter comes.. I go all out on the kids though..

But really.. there is no let down with this...sure it's nice to get a little surprise.. he's done a few things in the past.. like sending me an email with a love song in it, telling me how much I mean to him....it's very special, warms my heart & it costs nothing... 

You know what I tell him...so long as I get some of this >  before the night is over.. I'm good - I'm happy! a little mushy talk.. some reminiscing, that's the cherry on top...

Come to think of it.. I started to write in a card for him a while back.. never finished it.. now would be a good time.. thank you thread !


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

FeministInPink said:


> If she LIKES them and she wanted them, it's all good. Most women don't like the fake flowers
> 
> Even if she didn't actually like fake flowers, you still did better than my XH. For my birthday once, he bought me an encyclopedia of roses, and he was like, "Now I don't have to buy you flowers anymore, because you always have them!"
> 
> ...


Would you think I was off my rocker doing this.... when me & H was dating..I told him to never buy me flowers.. I felt they were a waste of money.... though if he picked them while we're walking on a trail.. it would warm my heart.. (after all this doesn't cost anything but the thought is still there)....

I went as far as to tell him.. if he ever did.. they had to have roots.. then said.. "No forget that.. buy me a tree instead"....he then told me I can go buy my own tree !! Ridiculous conversation we had...










I don't think he's ever bought me flowers-in the past 30 yrs ... at least I can blame myself for that..


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SignOfLife said:


> Hey ladies, or men if you want to indulge us with your thoughts...Will Valentines Day be just another day for you? Are you clearly expecting nothing from your spouse because you are going through current or chronic tough times together?
> 
> For me, he has lived outside of the bedroom for about going on 2 years now...stays gone all the time with your child, because that is his passion and current voluntary job for others...( nightly until about 7:30-8pm) and just about every weekend out of town to an event for our child and other children on the team....
> 
> ...


 Does it serve your son to see his Mother so broken inside...day after day.... I come from a broken home.. I remember my parents fighting A LOT ...they had so little in common... it ended and should have.. it was best for all involved.. Some parents don't fight but they don't speak or show any emotional connection.. this is just as bad..

I was reading a little about your story...how your husband fits the Narcissist definition.... it's his way or the Highway, has to be the center of attention.... sexless marriage, he lives in his RV, he's preoccupied with son's swimming career- could be an Olympian.. WOW ! He works from home.. you are the Breadwinner mainly, paying almost all bills... if you divorce.. he makes out like a bandit.. (pretty much why so many men refuse to marry these days)... this is a really bad situation you are in.. he sounds obsessed and completely driven with son's career.. but I bet most parents would be in this situation.. he may have a chance.. a shame it steals so much from the family though.

What did you see in him when you met, dated... were the signs there- his selfishness, all about HIM HIM HIM... was it ever good? What does your therapist say .. does he/she offer some hope of the 2 of you salvaging this somehow??


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Would you think I was off my rocker doing this.... when me & H was dating..I told him to never buy me flowers.. I felt they were a waste of money.... though if he picked them while we're walking on a trail.. it would warm my heart.. (after all this doesn't cost anything but the thought is still there)....
> 
> I went as far as to tell him.. if he ever did.. they had to have roots.. then said.. "No forget that.. buy me a tree instead"....he then told me I can go buy my own tree !! Ridiculous conversation we had...
> 
> ...


Well, I TRIED live flowering plants instead of cut flowers, but I just kept killing the damn things!!! I have a HORRIBLE brown thumb. I would love to keep orchids, but... maybe I should give it another try.

Your post cracked me up.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I've always hated Valentine's day. Not once was anything nice ever done for me on Valentine's day. I gave up doing nice things for others because it's never been reciprocated or appreciated.

Just another day now.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> I am sending my GF one of those edible arrangements to her work for her and all her coworkers. I liked that better than sending flowers because it's slightly different. I work the night before so I will stop and see if they have iris at the store, which I doubt, so I will get a couple dozen roses and bring them home ( give some to my daughters which they always get a kick out of) I have to work VDay night so we are going to Denver and stay overnight this weekend and do a couple of museums up there. All should be good


Sounds like a terrific plan. I hope she enjoys it...and you get to enjoy her...lol


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Do you get steak and bj day at least?


Not really...she thinks that anything that involves the tongue is "icky"


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## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

Thank you....
My therapist for the past 5 years thinks Im crazy..(lol not literally)...that I deserve better. 
He never see's us fight , no and we rarely do fight or argue in front of anyone..that has been a learned trait for me to do, which is good. It is just the strangest thing..I don't know what to say..When I first met him 11 years ago he was really into me, he was just getting out of a 18 yr marriage...
My son is important to me because in my previous marriage we had lost a baby son at 2 weeks old. It devastated me so maybe deep down Im compensating by staying because I want the best life for my son. My son is at the age now that I do talk to him about how him living in the RV is wrong, and how families should be together and how men should treat women , I want him to grow up knowing how to love a wife and a woman. I do it in a way that there is no name calling to his dad, just subtle teachings on how to treat a lady and a mother to your children. I catch im many times calling his dad out on things and sticking up for me...he is a good good little boy! beautiful and smart and athletic. We have nothing bad around us no drugs, no alcoholism no physical abuse, we don't spank our kids (usually because they are good and we don't need to ) they are just good kids..


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## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

I constantly am in salvage mode...I go through highs and lows...I just try to stay strong and afloat..my therapist helps convince me I am a great catch..although Im 40 which I worry about..Im in relative good shape, great career, attractive..etc..Overall...the one that needs the help is really HIM...He needs a rude awakening, an eye opener, a dose of reality ...kinda like the Christmas Movie Scrooge! ---Or, I just need to get what I need on the side...but Im not good at that, I would end up falling and leaving for good..and most likely end up in a worse situation because I know that the grass isn't always greener..Or I could come up with a written agreement of a parenting marriage and just go do my own thing....I have read about couples that do that. 
Anyways...thanks for writing back and listening...its interesting...


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## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

The new updated plan of action is his condition that he will move back in once he fixes all the floors in the house...(we had a big flood over 1 year ago and a leaky pipe and we have been avoiding it) he wants to get the house all back in nice condition (which its not even bad to begin with)...and then he says he will come back to live in the house....we shall see...I will update any progress as it happens....the house is big so its gonna take us some time..


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