# Unsure where I stand...



## Baylee1327 (Feb 1, 2015)

New to this site and am posting for the first time. Hoping this can start to help me at home to communicate with my husband. Maybe a short history...

We've been married 4.5 years together for about 6, and communication has been a sore subject and the point of many arguments over the years, more often in last year or even 6 months. My husband and I have very different styles of communicating, and maybe that comes with our age (he's 49, I'm 32) but either way, im worried that were in this vicious cycle and just can't get out. 

I'll admit it, I'm not great at communication, im a very introverted person, I don't talk about my own feelings, but I try to often ask my husband how he
S doing, or if I feel something is on his mind, what that is. I'm not good at keeping a conversation going, nor am I good at philosophical conversation, or what that entails. My husband is good at all of it, including reminding me time and again what conversations we've had and how nothing has changed, despite that fact that I feel I've tried very hard to be more in tuned with his moods, and more interested in his (now) job of being a writer. 

I feel like it's always left up to me to ask what's bothering him, and when I do, it's usually the same thing (me) and what I'm not doing to give him what he needs. 

I've tried, I'm afraid this time there's no repairing. The last time we had a conversation about it, was about a month ago. I feel like the arguments are getting closer together, and there's no time to improve or get counseling or really have a noticeable change before the next onslaught of arguing...

Anybody out there with any insite, advise or anything? Please I love my husband dearly, and I just want him to be happy. 

Thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Baylee1327 said:


> New to this site and am posting for the first time. Hoping this can start to help me at home to communicate with my husband. Maybe a short history...
> 
> We've been married 4.5 years together for about 6, and communication has been a sore subject and the point of many arguments over the years, more often in last year or even 6 months. My husband and I have very different styles of communicating, and maybe that comes with our age (he's 49, I'm 32) but either way, im worried that were in this vicious cycle and just can't get out.
> 
> ...


It sounds to me like he's also not meeting your needs. Is he even aware of that? Are you? 

Has he told you specifically what you need to do to meet his needs? If so, what has he told you?

There are two books that I thin will help you.

"Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". These should go a long way to giving the two of you a way to communicate your needs and how the other can meet them.


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## Baylee1327 (Feb 1, 2015)

He says he needs an wife who's is engaged and has an opinion (about whatever is at hand) he brings up past issues we've had a lot during arguments (I don't have a great history where finances are concearned, but that's improved) Also, he's brought up that I'm not interested in what he's currently doing, including his book, or his music. 

I don't know what I need, or feel like I need anything more than what I have with him. 

Thank you for the book references, I will definitely be checking the, out tonight.


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