# How many times do I forgive her and trust again?



## RJB (Sep 16, 2012)

I've been married to my wife for 8 years to the day. We have two children ages 7 and 4. My wife had an emotional affair three years ago. When I found out she raged at me for spying on her. She denied and lied and tried to get rid of all the evidence. Even when confronted with the phone bill. I tried to force her to end it, but it really only ended because he stopped talking to her. I forgave her and stayed with her because I didn't want to put the kids through divorce and didn't have hard evidence of physical adultery.(Divorce is complicated in MD) I tried to repair the marriage, and it hasn't been perfect, but I've done the best I can. 

Recently she started a new job and I found out that she is already having an inappropriate relationship with someone at work. It was shocking to me that immediately she started coming home from work talking about how all her married coworkers were sleeping around with people at work. Her behavior changed, she started wearing new perfume and carrying it with her so she could douse herself with it at work. She started going to get spray tanned all the time. I started looking and found enough incriminating texts/facebook messages to prove that something is going on. Again she denies it and is enraged that I've been "spying" on her. We had a big fight tonight and I'm not sure I could repair the rift even if I wanted to. I feel awful about the thought of putting my kids through divorce. There's still even a part of me that wants to forgive and stay with her but I don't think I can ever trust her again.

Is there anybody here that has been through the separation/divorce process is MD?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* RJB: Not only has your W proven herself to be rather adept at her unbridled, covert infidelity, but equally proficient at lying to you about it ~ which is preeminently "the cheater's mantra!"

In her eyes, you are now nothing more than her "Plan B" or "meal ticket," all while she patiently bides her time and awaits her "knight in shining armor" to appear, then fastly kicks you to the curb as little more than "yesterday's news!"!

You are hereby advised to read  No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover and immediately execute "the 180" on her!

Then get yourself to your lawyer's office!*


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

RJB said:


> I've been married to my wife for 8 years to the day. We have two children ages 7 and 4. My wife had an emotional affair three years ago. When I found out she raged at me for spying on her. She denied and lied and tried to get rid of all the evidence. Even when confronted with the phone bill. I tried to force her to end it, but it really only ended because he stopped talking to her. I forgave her and stayed with her because I didn't want to put the kids through divorce and didn't have hard evidence of physical adultery.(Divorce is complicated in MD) I tried to repair the marriage, and it hasn't been perfect, but I've done the best I can.
> 
> Recently she started a new job and I found out that she is already having an inappropriate relationship with someone at work. It was shocking to me that immediately she started coming home from work talking about how all her married coworkers were sleeping around with people at work. Her behavior changed, she started wearing new perfume and carrying it with her so she could douse herself with it at work. She started going to get spray tanned all the time. I started looking and found enough incriminating texts/facebook messages to prove that something is going on. Again she denies it and is enraged that I've been "spying" on her. We had a big fight tonight and I'm not sure I could repair the rift even if I wanted to. I feel awful about the thought of putting my kids through divorce. There's still even a part of me that wants to forgive and stay with her but I don't think I can ever trust her again.
> 
> Is there anybody here that has been through the separation/divorce process is MD?


This woman is not worthy to be a wife and mother. Start to plan your exit with the children if possible. Read all you can on the laws in your state and simply (if possible) present her with a separation agreement. That will soon wake her up. Tell her that you cannot trust her ever unless she (the guilty party) does the work to help you move on together. You are raw and emotional right now. 
1. There must be no contact with the OM on FB, etc
2. Counselling for you individually to help you with this (MC later)
3. lay out your terms as to what you expect from her (write them down). What will it take for you to stay in the marriage. As of now you dont want to stay in the marriage because she has betrayed you, broken your marriage vows, this version of the marriage is over, if she wants a relationship with you, she has to do the work otherwise you are walking.
`4. follow through on the above, idle threats do not work. 
Your WW needs a reality check big time as to what she is about ot lose.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Let me talk to you man to man.

Maryland has nothing to do with it. 

Get a lawyer. Don't tell your wife. Follow lawyers advise on how to protect your interests, money, fathers rights, etc. 

Then blindside that ***** with divorce papers and see it through. 

And don't look back. 

End of story.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You have confronted her far too early this time. Now she is going to take it underground. You need to do some serious spying. Keylog the computer. VAR her car. VAR in the house where you think she may make phone calls.

At this point I would STFU about suspecting her. Be as calm as possible while collecting as much proof as possible. Let her take it all the way to a physical affair. Hire a PI if needed to make the evidence legal.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Once...

...and ONLY once.


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## breezycello (May 29, 2015)

RJB - I am so very sorry that you are dealing with this pain. It feels huge right now. I am currently dealing with a similar issue with my husband. 

I will also say, over the past year, I have caught him 3 times with the same woman. She is a current employee of his and was a family friend for nearly 20 years. She and I used to be best friends. I caught him via searching for information as well. He made me feel awful for spying on him and/or her and I do regret that I felt compelled to continue with that. BUT please understand that you wouldn't need to look for anything to show her low morale character, if she were being honest with you and not being deceitful. 

I joined this site just recently and still reeling through this rollercoaster. We have only been separated for 1 month, so not sure that any thoughts I could share may help. But here goes....Please stop searching for what you already know is happening, unless of course, your state requires physical proof. If that is the case, have a PI or someone you trust do it for you. I continued to look for ways to catch him and that has done nothing positive and continues the painful cycle. I still will want to search from time to time, but cannot find any justification in it..It really does hurt you. 

Stay on here and continue to reach out. You will gain wonderful ideas and insight to help you with each day. The best advice so far that I have received has come from two different individuals. The first is that this person has poor moral character. Choosing to be with someone else before coming to you to voice her issues shows her true character. I remember that in my husband every day. I do love him and some days feel I would run back or take him back in a heartbeat. Remember, I kept forgiving and trying to move on. The other best plan is the 180. I am not following it to the T, but definitely working at it. It is very hard, but you need to breathe and take care of you. That is hard. But trying is the first step. 

In my relationship, the lying and denial continue. Don't allow that to consume you. The 180 does help. I wish I could trust again. I don't want to lose the man I married, but he really is no longer there. Sad...Stay true to who you are and take care of yourself.


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