# Done, well done!!



## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

Long story short, my wife cheated almost a year ago, we have 4 children whom I love more than myself. From D day she never took on the attitude she was sorry, it was always my burden to bare, my problem, I should just get over it.
We started MC 2mo ago which was a step in the right direction but she'd go in there and just bixch about me. I sat there and just took it, I would be asked to defend myself and then would be wanting to get on to the real problems. At last we got to the real info on how a marriage to supposed to work. (side note-I had started the 180 plan before MC.) We received 2 CD's each to listen to and work together on settling our "jobs". I came home after a few days and asked if she had listened to hers- HUGE mistake!! She went off and I dare not ask again. She cancelled our appointment and the next one was 3weeks away (this was for our girls, they had a Dr. appointment) The next appointment was also gonna get canceled b/c the girl needed to see the Dentist. I asked if she had followed thru on the CD, she had not, big fight, lasted a whole week. 
I went to see a lawyer on Fri. and then went to talk to her, she asked for a separation!! I was for once on the right page!! YEA!!!
Now I don't want a divorce but @ the same time this needs to end, she has never followed thru on anything I needed to put "ME" back together, she has chose not to be a part of the healing. All was good, we talked about the kids, the house, and my tractors (my little addiction) and then she comes up w/ the crap-She put all the blame on me, said I should have been a man and forgot the whole thing.?>?> I explained she "broke" me, she was the one person who've I trusted, she had all my love for all these years and she tore me apart. She only saw her pain, she was thinking about how she was going to find a replacement, a guy who'd pay the bills....I know your thinking "WHAT??" Yea she was worried about bills!! She never said that again but switched to 20yrs ago when we first got married, then when the kids were born, and how I played w/ the kids and was just a big kid myself (I AM!! I love to play w/ the kids and will never be sorry about that!!)
Now the bombshell--This is what she said "all these years I have done whatever I wanted, you did as I said, if you got out of line I'd bite your head off and you'd get right back where I needed you. NOW that I did something wrong....you argue w/ me, you look into things and find out that I am wrong....I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!" Now I was set back, I always thought she knew best about the family stuff and paying the bills, I worked and gave her the $$, I did all the house stuff and did the projects w/ the kids, I was under the impression we made a good team, guess not.
After that she came to me one more time and said "I love you, I don't want a divorce (she was sobbing) you are my family....crying.....but I need my old Jim back, I can't live w/ you like this." I gave her a hug and told her I was sorry, I can never go back to who I was, she has changed me forever.
I signed the papers today, I told her if she'd listen to the CD's and called me I wouldn't file, she never called. 
Is she crazy? or am I?
Mouse


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Smackdown said:


> Now I was set back, I always thought she knew best about the family stuff and paying the bills, I worked and gave her the $$, I did all the house stuff and did the projects w/ the kids, I was under the impression we made a good team, guess not.


Hello Crankshaw, nice to meet you, and how are you traveling today ?

OK, so apart from not going to MC (W wouldn't) and only having 2 kids, I know that story oh so well.



> After that she came to me one more time and said "I love you, I don't want a divorce (she was sobbing) you are my family....crying.....but I need my old Jim back, I can't live w/ you like this." I gave her a hug and told her I was sorry, I can never go back to who I was, she has changed me forever.
> I signed the papers today, I told her if she'd listen to the CD's and called me I wouldn't file, she never called.
> Is she crazy? or am I?
> Mouse


W said exact same thing to me, and I gave a similar response, mistake, boy, big mistake, there is thing called hindsight, marvelous thing it is, everyone should have *before* they need it !

Here is something I wrote a while ago:

"I use to be happy, confident, strong, had plans for the future, laid the foundations for getting there.
Now am fighting to get back to who I was, not what I have become."

I was the alpha male, I became less than beta, I believe when W said wanted the old Crank back what she really wanted was the old alpha Crank back.

Guess what, the old Crank is on his way back, but he is a damn site improved from what the old model was, and his W may not be the one he ends up with, which will be her huge loss. 

If I can claw back to what I was, so can you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your not crazy, she loved and will miss the old Smackdown. The one that let her act and behave and get away with anything she wanted.
She loves the old Smackdown that did everything around the house while she went out. The new Smackdown want to take control of his life and his family, and make the healthy changes that will make for a better marraige. 
She has played you all the way up to the grand finally and now she wants change, but the only change she want is for you to change back to the baby sitter, maid, and bank teller.
I'm sure she had her chance, but in her defence the old Smackdown would have just let things be and tolorated her bad behavior with no regard to the health of the relationship. 

She was approached with a gaint pinnicle in making a big change in her life and missed it. She will continue to miss it b/c thats how she's wired. She will say anything right now to get her babysitter, maid and ATM back, but when it comes down to it will she take the actions and make the life style changes required to put her family together.

Maybe... but these action take time and now that she has hit rock bottom, it is up to her to bahave with consistance and for a sufficent amout of time to show *not tell* that she is making change. 

I would bet that once you move on she will not make the changes required, but continue on with her current behavior.....replace you and find a bottle that will wash away the pain of loosing hewr family.

I could be wrong and she could muster up enough stenght that will make her a better person while seperated and commit to her self to regain her family, but only time while tell.

I don't even know her but from your post she sounds like she will replace you and continue on with her same unhealth behaviors that will end up with her...old and in a dumby old house full of cats...wondering were her life went and why her kids resent her so.

Stay strong and let time be your friend when it come to even thinking about her and if she has this strength to change.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Did you ever hear from her again??? It sounds like she was willing to work it out.


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

She came home today and did a lot of crying, and demanding. She asked I give up my tractors, smoking, and life in the garage. I returned w/ I want her to give her all in MC, I want the bills paid and the spending to STOP. I want the reassurance and trust I deserve. It was a very heated day, we both just cry when we talk about our love for each other, for the kids---it seems like we both want the same thing we have different ways getting there. She agreed to do everything I asked and even more. She may be playing me but I did file already, I am in a win/win situation. 
Mouse


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

> I am in a win/win situation.


:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm glad to hear she wants to work it out


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