# Dog causing stress..



## DevotedHubby47

Not sure what to do. My wife and I are in our late 40s my two daughters are grown one still lives at home and the other has moved out.

A couple of years ago we decided to get a dog. I was going through a rough time and I always wanted a dog so I thought it be a good idea at the time. She (the dog) has definitely helped me a great deal over the last two years. 

Wife went along with it but I really don’t think she was always 100% for it. we should’ve talked about it more but our communication has never really been that great. 

I take the dog out and go places with her when I’m off work which I enjoy doing. My wife and I schedules are usually different since she’s always off when I’m working so every time she’s home she feels like she has to babysit the dog and can never do anything for herself or relax. She basically feels like we have a kid again and that it’s never going to end. 

I cant even imagine trying to give her up the thought of that just tears me up. I love that little **** (the dog). This is also a time that me and my wife are trying to reconnect a bit. We’re working on improving things at home between us but the dog doesn’t seem to be helping at least in her eyes. 

I just really don’t know what to do.


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## Nailhead

Your W went along with it. Now is not the time to complain and decide the living criter is simply something to drop at another home because, well, it may have to go outside to go to the bathroom. So, besides letting the dog out and possibly feeding, just what makes your W feel this is like a kid? Her feeling she needs to babysit a dog is her issue to resolve.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

It's not the dog.


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## jlg07

The dog shouldn't be a burden on her. As long as she doesn't have medical issues, your wife would NO WAY be tied to the house.
She needs to let the dog out to do her business before she leaves, but most dogs can last for hours without having to go outside after that.
Sounds like an excuse for something else going on...


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## DevotedHubby47

Today’s rent was brought on because she tried to take the dog and get her nails cut but because of the whole Covid thing we can’t go in with her so she was not behaving at all and the woman couldn’t finish her nails. My wife got aggravated and I got a barrage of texts.. I honestly don’t remember ever talking about having one of our girls take the dog when they moved out.










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## EveningThoughts

A couple of years ago you were going through a rough time and thought a dog would help you through, which she has.

Now your wife might be the one going through a rough time, as she is at the age for perimenopause. Her oxytocin levels could be falling making her less able to care for others, including animals.

Is doggy day care an option sometimes? This would allow your wife some time without the responsibility, and your dog some new play friends.


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## LosingHim

We have 3 dogs and several other animals (11 to be exact) and I don’t feel chained in my house in any way because of them. 8 of the other animals have daily specific care needs and I’m 100% responsible for their care. I’m home every day working and outside the occasional opening of the door, they mostly just sleep. I’m able to come and go as I please and when I worked in the office, they were home for 8 hours every day. The ONLY thing I really have to worry about is that we like to travel so we do have to find a dog sitter/animal care giver when we travel.





I honestly think something else is going on.


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## jlg07

DevotedHubby47 said:


> Today’s rent was brought on because she tried to take the dog and get her nails cut but because of the whole Covid thing we can’t go in with her so she was not behaving at all and the woman couldn’t finish her nails. My wife got aggravated and I got a barrage of texts.. I honestly don’t remember ever talking about having one of our girls take the dog when they moved out.
> 
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> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Why would she take the dog to get her nails done? Seems really weird to me. The pup could have stayed home, she could have had her nails done in peace, no problem. I Do think something else is causing this.


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## DevotedHubby47

EveningThoughts said:


> A couple of years ago you were going through a rough time and thought a dog would help you through, which she has.
> 
> Now your wife might be the one going through a rough time, as she is at the age for perimenopause. Her oxytocin levels could be falling making her less able to care for others, including animals.
> 
> Is doggy day care an option sometimes? This would allow your wife some time without the responsibility, and your dog some new play friends.


I was just thinking about the doggy daycare. Theres one right behind my work so it would be convenient for me to bring her for the day occasionally. O think I’ll go this weekend and see about getting her setup. The cost could be an issue if used too often but hopefully we can use them once and a while. 

As far as menopause goes.. My wife had a full hysterectomy-several years ago which pushed her right into early menopause. This may be a topic for another thread coming soon! LOL. 


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## DevotedHubby47

jlg07 said:


> Why would she take the dog to get her nails done? Seems really weird to me. The pup could have stayed home, she could have had her nails done in peace, no problem. I Do think something else is causing this.


No, sorry.. things get confusing when talking about 2 females.. My wife took the dog to get the dogs nails cut...


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## Nailhead

I read these texts as frustration only. My W gets the craps of taking our 3 dogs to the vets. One of the pups is not ours. Its our daughters that stayed behind when she moved out. For me, it is your dog. You should handle the vets and grooming.


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## StarFires

You have come to a public forum for a bunch of people to help you decide whether to choose your dog over your wife. And - unbelievably - some people are implying that you do so. Some are suggesting your wife is lying to complain the dog requires x amount of bothersome responsibility on her part. Again - unbelievable.

Are you believing them?
Or are you believing your wife?

How can this even be a conundrum of a decision for you? I can understand you don't want to let the dog go, but how do you justify Dog vs Divorce being a hard choice to make?

Or maybe you're thinking you have such an option as telling your wife to suck it up and just deal with it. ???


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

StarFires said:


> You have come to a public forum for a bunch of people to help you decide whether to choose your dog over your wife. And - unbelievably - some people are implying that you do so. Some are suggesting your wife is lying to complain the dog requires x amount of bothersome responsibility on her part. Again - unbelievable.
> 
> Are you believing them?
> Or are you believing your wife?
> 
> How can this even be a conundrum of a decision for you? I can understand you don't want to let the dog go, but how do you justify Dog vs Divorce being a hard choice to make?
> 
> Or maybe you're thinking you have such an option as telling your wife to suck it up and just deal with it. ???


It's like being told by a W "it's me or fishing".
There's a George Straight song on that one. George nailed it.

(I don't know if I need to duck head here because of any backlash).

Its humor, mostly. 

😉😉👍👍🙂🙂


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

jlg07 said:


> Why would she take the dog to get her nails done? Seems really weird to me. The pup could have stayed home, she could have had her nails done in peace, no problem. I Do think something else is causing this.


The dog! The dog's toenails!

I laughed out loud here!


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## StarFires

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> It's like being told by a W "it's me or fishing".
> There's a George Straight song on that one. George nailed it.
> 
> (I don't know if I need to duck head here because of any backlash).
> 
> Its humor, mostly.
> 
> 😉😉👍👍🙂🙂


Old fashioned cast iron skillet aimed at your head!


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## Nailhead

StarFires said:


> Or maybe you're thinking you have such an option as telling your wife to suck it up and just deal with it. ???


Yes, in some situations suck it up and deal with it is the only option. Case and point, we have two parrots. I would send them off to someone else's home in a minute. My W will not and the reason being, she sent a puppy off to another home because the puppy was to much for her. When she inquired how the puppy was doing at her new home she was told the puppy ran off never to be seen again. She blames herself. She refuses to send these parrots off. I suck it up and deal with the noise, dander and flapping around as a result.


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## StarFires

Rags, what's the name of that George Strait song?


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## SunCMars

You have no idea what it is to have a dog around, a dog that needs no care of its own.

To have a dog that brings dead bodies home, for you to bury.

Bodies, some beasts, some thought to be human.

Having a *Red Dog *is maddening.

It is not the dog, it is the lone coyote who sings harshly, in your wife's ear.


_Are Dee-_


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## DevotedHubby47

StarFires said:


> You have come to a public forum for a bunch of people to help you decide whether to choose your dog over your wife. And - unbelievably - some people are implying that you do so. Some are suggesting your wife is lying to complain the dog requires x amount of bothersome responsibility on her part. Again - unbelievable.
> 
> Are you believing them?
> Or are you believing your wife?
> 
> How can this even be a conundrum of a decision for you? I can understand you don't want to let the dog go, but how do you justify Dog vs Divorce being a hard choice to make?
> 
> Or maybe you're thinking you have such an option as telling your wife to suck it up and just deal with it. ???


Wow, I don’t think I was asking anyone about choosing between my wife or the dog. I was merely asking for suggestions on how to deal with it. Someone suggested a doggy daycare once in a while and I thought that’s a great suggestion which I’m gonna look into. That’s what I’m talking about certainly not divorcing my wife over a dog. I haven’t been on this forum long but I seem to be seeing a lot of people jumping right to divorce as an answer for everything. I wouldn’t even consider that an option. I love my wife and intend to stay married. This is just ridiculous


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## LosingHim

StarFires said:


> You have come to a public forum for a bunch of people to help you decide whether to choose your dog over your wife. And - unbelievably - some people are implying that you do so. Some are suggesting your wife is lying to complain the dog requires x amount of bothersome responsibility on her part. Again - unbelievable.
> 
> Are you believing them?
> Or are you believing your wife?
> 
> How can this even be a conundrum of a decision for you? I can understand you don't want to let the dog go, but how do you justify Dog vs Divorce being a hard choice to make?
> 
> Or maybe you're thinking you have such an option as telling your wife to suck it up and just deal with it. ???



I really don't think this is fair.

Animals become part of our lives and part of our family. He’s already stated the dog helped him through a very hard time. If my husband looked at me and told me it was either the dogs go or him, I would wonder why his happiness mattered more than mine and why he would put an ultimatum like that on me. I got my one dog while I was going through the WORST time in my life. Training her, bonding with her, etc. helped distract and calm me from the absolute pain I was feeling. I wasn’t suicidal, but I surely didn’t want to wake up most mornings. I didn’t want to exist. Having her helped me cope. She gave me unconditional love when I needed love the most. I have a very firm emotional attachment to her (the others as well) and giving her up would sure feel like he was taking that away from me. That’s not fair either.


I don’t think it’s a dog or divorce situation. I think it’s a compromise and find out what’s really going on situation.


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## MJJEAN

I have 2 senior dogs, an African Grey, and an Eastern Box Turtle (small dome shelled tortoise). This is the current list of companion animal residents. A few years ago I would have had 4 dogs, a cat, the tortoise, and the parrot. Two of my dogs and kitty passed away over the last few years.

I was not, in any way, tied to my home even when I had a more full house. If I was leaving I'd simply take the dogs out to potty, crate them, and go. I didn't have to worry they'd get into a scuffle or the trash can while I was away, easy peasy. Took about 5-10 minutes, depending on how long it took the dogs to sniff out the perfect poop spot.

I am the pet person. My DH loves the animals and worries about their comfort and happiness, but he's not the caretaker type and really could comfortably live without pets. When each of the animals came to us it was understood their physical care would be more or less my gig. Training, exercise, grooming, vet appointments, going to the city clerk for licenses, etc. etc. was my responsibility. This allows my husband to enjoy the company of the pets without resentment. I'm the "real parent" and my husband the "Disney parent". Maybe it isn't ideal, but it works.

Your wife didn't want a dog. Why is she the one taking it to get it's nails done? Your dog, you make the appointment and take her in. In fact, you should be responsible for all of the details surrounding the dogs care.

Your wife mentioned training the dog in the text. That's your job as the dog owner. Contact a local trainer, usually you can find recommendations on the local shelters or Humane Society website. Take obedience classes. No one wants to deal with a rude untrained uncivilized dog for long.

Your wife might be more friendly to the dog when it's not a huge responsibility for her that she didn't want. Train the dog and be entirely responsible for it's care and I bet she warms up at least enough to not resent the canine.


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## StarFires

DevotedHubby47 said:


> I haven’t been on this forum long but I seem to be seeing a lot of people jumping right to divorce as an answer for everything.


Yeah, I often say the same thing and sometimes wonder how many divorces this board has caused. I don't know, maybe they're proud of themselves to have such power to influence people and destroy marriages, rather than encourage them. 

But that's why I couldn't understand someone asking the question that you asked. To me, knowing this board, it's just not something a person would ask. And sure enough, 2, 3, or even 4 (not going back to count) people implied your wife is lying. The only options you were looking for that I could see were deciding between wife and dog or deciding to tell wifey to suck it up because I didn't imagine you were looking for suggestions on things like dog kennels and care facilities that are commonly known are available. So to me, the question was "Who needs to be told to take their dog to doggie daycare?" Maybe you just weren't thinking at the time.

But I wasn't being ridiculous, probably just overzealous. I was flying to try to rescue you knowing the types of responses you would receive.


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## Nailhead

LosingHim said:


> I really don't think this is fair.
> 
> Animals become part of our lives and *part of our family*. He’s already stated the dog helped him through a very hard time. If my husband looked at me and told me it was either the dogs go or him, I would wonder why his happiness mattered more than mine and why he would put an ultimatum like that on me. I got my one dog while I was going through the WORST time in my life. Training her, bonding with her, etc. helped distract and calm me from the absolute pain I was feeling. I wasn’t suicidal, but I surely didn’t want to wake up most mornings. I didn’t want to exist. Having her helped me cope. She gave me unconditional love when I needed love the most. I have a very firm emotional attachment to her (the others as well) and giving her up would sure feel like he was taking that away from me. That’s not fair either.
> 
> 
> I don’t think it’s a dog or divorce situation. I think it’s a compromise and find out what’s really going on situation.


And that my friend is the real reason. Don't be agreeable to a pet then down the road decide it is time for it to go because the pet messed up the carpet. 

OP, your W was agreeable. You however should take care of grooming, vet and such.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

StarFires said:


> Rags, what's the name of that George Strait song?


"I'm Gonna Miss Her"

a great song 😉


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## DownByTheRiver

Don't ever give up a dog for a full-grown human. It's always going to be a bad trade. She's acting like a baby. There's no reason she can't leave and go do things. 

The dog isn't causing stress. Your wife is. Your dog didn't do anything wrong.


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## C.C. says ...

Choose the dog! Choose the dog!

No seriously ...

You have to wonder about the warmth of someone who cant stand a dog and would give it away in a second if she could convince you to do so.

If you could take it to get its nails done every now and again and to the vet, why can’t she let the dog out in the mornings and throw some food in it’s bowl and go on about her business?


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## C.C. says ...

DownByTheRiver said:


> Don't ever give up a dog for a full-grown human. It's always going to be a bad trade. She's acting like a baby. There's no reason she can't leave and go do things.
> 
> The dog isn't causing stress. Your wife is. Your dog didn't do anything wrong.


Yessssss !!!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I have to say I'm pulling for the dog unless that hasn't been clear 😉.

But I certainly don't know all the ins and outs of the marriage so there's that.


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## StarFires

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> "I'm Gonna Miss Her"
> 
> a great song 😉


You answered and I burst out laughing as soon as I read the title. Then laughed all the way through the song.
A correction though - it was Brad Paisley.



Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I have to say I'm pulling for the dog unless that hasn't been clear 😉.
> 
> But I certainly don't know all the ins and outs of the marriage so there's that.


Yes, dear, you were quite clear. 

Would you please let this guy know you are joking.


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## DownByTheRiver

The dog has done its dogly duty and taken care of you and the family, protected you and the family and been loyal to you and the family. 

Now it's time you protected the dog.

Ask yourself who is the nicer creature.


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## DevotedHubby47

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> "I'm Gonna Miss Her"
> 
> a great song


Haha! Yeah, love that song! I have to say though.. If it was fishing or the wife I wouldn’t be on here askin.. I’d be out on the lake. 


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## C.C. says ...

Unconditional love of a dog > Whiny assed, resentful significant other.

Which would you rather come home to?


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## lifeistooshort

What does it mean exactly that yoir wife "went along with it"?

Was she on board or did she feel like in the state you were in she couldn't say no?

I have 3 cats, fish, and my son has a cockatiel. I have ZERO desire to deal with a dog. Its not that I don't like them, I just have no desire to take care of one.
My bf has one and while he's a nice enough dog (actually he's a jerk but he likes me) I have zero desire to take care of him. That's bf's job and while we don't live together I don't think he'd ask much of me because he knows it's his dog.

Did you actually discuss who would take care of the dog and how that would split up?

So now that you have the dog you should probably assume full responsibility for it. If let's say you and your wife split up you'd be responsible for 100%, so assume 100%.


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## Luminous

Perhaps there is a way to turn this around...

Train the dog, I mean REALLY train it. Either yourself, or use a trainer if you don't have the time (the bond might be better served if it's from you though).

I've used doggy day care for years (I live alone, self employed and sometimes do stupid hours), and it's been great for Pooch, he always is happy to go and always happy when he comes out. Providing it is an expense you can deal with (some places might do discounted multi-packs).

Look at places for boarding as well, should you and the wife wish to go away, most places have online reviews as well so you can get an idea of what they are like.


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## DownByTheRiver

There's nothing wrong with not wanting a pet, but there is something missing in a person who can't love a dog.


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## Diana7

I am now on my 5th rescue dog and they just are no trouble at all. I honestly dont know what she is talking about. Most dogs can be left for a morning or afternoon if she wants to go out, so what is the issue? Most dogs will sleep most of the time if they have a walk, as for comparing them with caring for a child, what complete nonsense. Why cant she relax?The dog isnt a puppy, in fact dogs are incredibly good for our mental and physical health generally.
I think this is sad, personally I would never give up a dog I had adopted.
As for nail clipping, if they have regular walks they shouldnt even need them doing. I never have my dogs nails clipped.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

We've had Golden Retrievers to Maltese, and numerous rescue dogs.

For the first time ever we've been dogless the last four years out of 36.


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## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> I am now on my 5th rescue dog and they just are no trouble at all. I honestly dont know what she is talking about. Most dogs can be left for a morning or afternoon if she wants to go out, so what is the issue? Most dogs will sleep most of the time if they have a walk, as for comparing them with caring for a child, what complete nonsense. Why cant she relax?The dog isnt a puppy, in fact dogs are incredibly good for our mental and physical health generally.
> I think this is sad, personally I would never give up a dog I had adopted.
> As for nail clipping, if they have regular walks they shouldnt even need them doing. I never have my dogs nails clipped.


I agree. I make it as easy on myself as possible to keep a dog. I didn't have one when living in apartments and working away too much. I waited for a house with a yard and dog door and reinforced my fence. Two is better than one because they're more secure that way. You make arrangements for a dog so that they aren't a hindrence if you care about their wellbeing.


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## MJJEAN

Diana7 said:


> I am now on my 5th rescue dog and they just are no trouble at all. I honestly dont know what she is talking about. Most dogs can be left for a morning or afternoon if she wants to go out, so what is the issue? Most dogs will sleep most of the time if they have a walk, as for comparing them with caring for a child, what complete nonsense. Why cant she relax?The dog isnt a puppy, in fact dogs are incredibly good for our mental and physical health generally.
> I think this is sad, personally I would never give up a dog I had adopted.
> As for nail clipping, if they have regular walks they shouldnt even need them doing. I never have my dogs nails clipped.


You are one lucky lady. I do a combination of breeder dogs and rescues. I've owned some hellions over the years that needed constant training and supervision. One of my Pit Bull females (rescue I got as a pup) seems to literally wander the house when she's bored just looking for something to get into. It's taken A LOT to civilize her and get her to understand the rules. Even now, at 8 years old with hundreds of hours of training under her belt, regular daily exercise, and mental stimulation (puzzles, new behaviors, etc.) she STILL cannot be left home alone unsupervised or she will murder my other dog or randomly decide that wall right there looked tasty. She has also been known to do stuff like open the fridge, get the cheese out of the drawer, and snack while watching TV on the sofa. I've caught her doing this multiple times. She doesn't even have the courtesy to close the fridge behind her, either!!

So, she's crate trained and gets crated when I have to leave and at bed time. I had to buy a special crate at great expense because she learned how to get out of the standard wire and plastic crates, btw.

It's entirely possible this dog is actually a royal pain in the rear, needs training, and/or is a high intelligence, high energy dog that needs more time and attention than she's been getting or she becomes bored and joyfully destructive.

The thing that keeps sticking with me is the frustrated tone of the text and the mention of training. I'm really wondering if this is a dog that's actually causing stress because she has needs her humans don't understand or aren't capable of meeting.

As for the nails, I think that's a case by case thing. My dogs get exercised, but most of that is on grassy fields or playing in the yard. In the summer the pavement becomes painfully hot under the sun and in the winter the cement and asphalt become seriously cold and covered in salt to prevent ice. Because the heated pavement can literally burn a dogs feet just walking on it and the cold and salt can also cause damage, many people here walk their dogs in booties if they're going off the grass. So, naturally short nails aren't really a thing here because of the midwestern climate.


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## DownByTheRiver

Trouble with crates is they need 26 times the exercise of us humans, so if you put them locked up, they have too much energy to run off in a short amount of time. I've never used them. I have put my trash up high instead of where a dog can get to it. Some dogs are big chewers, which can get them into trouble, but only had one like that, and chew hooves kept her busy. Now, first day you bring one home, they pee and chew and kill anything that moves has been my experience, for a day or two until they feel they're taken care of. Especially if they don't know you're going to provide. But that has always gone away as soon as they get it.


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## Ms. Hawaii

DevotedHubby47 said:


> Not sure what to do. My wife and I are in our late 40s my two daughters are grown one still lives at home and the other has moved out.
> 
> A couple of years ago we decided to get a dog. I was going through a rough time and I always wanted a dog so I thought it be a good idea at the time. She (the dog) has definitely helped me a great deal over the last two years.
> 
> Wife went along with it but I really don’t think she was always 100% for it. we should’ve talked about it more but our communication has never really been that great.
> 
> I take the dog out and go places with her when I’m off work which I enjoy doing. My wife and I schedules are usually different since she’s always off when I’m working so every time she’s home she feels like she has to babysit the dog and can never do anything for herself or relax. She basically feels like we have a kid again and that it’s never going to end.
> 
> I cant even imagine trying to give her up the thought of that just tears me up. I love that little **** (the dog). This is also a time that me and my wife are trying to reconnect a bit. We’re working on improving things at home between us but the dog doesn’t seem to be helping at least in her eyes.
> 
> I just really don’t know what to do.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You should stop relying on your wife to care for YOUR dog. 

From what you’ve said, YOU wanted to get a dog, and your wife went along with it. It’s absolutely unfair for her to be the dog’s caretaker when you’re the one who want it in the first place. 

I understand her frustration and don’t blame her. 

I’m in the law field, so I work a lot. The last thing I want to do on my day off is take care of a dog. 


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## frusdil

StarFires said:


> You have come to a public forum for a bunch of people to help you decide whether to choose your dog over your wife. And - unbelievably - some people are implying that you do so. Some are suggesting your wife is lying to complain the dog requires x amount of bothersome responsibility on her part. Again - unbelievable.
> 
> Are you believing them?
> Or are you believing your wife?
> 
> How can this even be a conundrum of a decision for you? I can understand you don't want to let the dog go, but how do you justify Dog vs Divorce being a hard choice to make?
> 
> Or maybe you're thinking you have such an option as telling your wife to suck it up and just deal with it. ???


Wtf? That's harsh.

The problem isn't the dog, it's the whiny wife. I'm a dog tragic, I'll admit that freely. I have four, as well as cats and rabbits, I care for them all no problem. If I have to go out they just sleep, all inside, no issues. Your wife is being ridiculous.

If she doesn't want to take the dog for nail clipping, then don't take her. Though it wouldn't kill her to do so occasionally.


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## StarFires

frusdil said:


> Wtf? That's harsh.
> 
> The problem isn't the dog, it's the whiny wife. I'm a dog tragic, I'll admit that freely. I have four, as well as cats and rabbits, I care for them all no problem. If I have to go out they just sleep, all inside, no issues. Your wife is being ridiculous.
> 
> If she doesn't want to take the dog for nail clipping, then don't take her. Though it wouldn't kill her to do so occasionally.


A dog tragic? LOL


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## Diana7

Ms. Hawaii said:


> You should stop relying on your wife to care for YOUR dog.
> 
> From what you’ve said, YOU wanted to get a dog, and your wife went along with it. It’s absolutely unfair for her to be the dog’s caretaker when you’re the one who want it in the first place.
> 
> I understand her frustration and don’t blame her.
> 
> I’m in the law field, so I work a lot. The last thing I want to do on my day off is take care of a dog.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


But you dont need to do anything except let it out for goodness sake. Its really not hard. You dont need to even take a dog for a walk if it were to bother you that much, even though walking outside is very healthy.


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## Diana7

DownByTheRiver said:


> Trouble with crates is they need 26 times the exercise of us humans, so if you put them locked up, they have too much energy to run off in a short amount of time. I've never used them. I have put my trash up high instead of where a dog can get to it. Some dogs are big chewers, which can get them into trouble, but only had one like that, and chew hooves kept her busy. Now, first day you bring one home, they pee and chew and kill anything that moves has been my experience, for a day or two until they feel they're taken care of. Especially if they don't know you're going to provide. But that has always gone away as soon as they get it.


I have never used crates for any of my 5 dogs. Never saw the need.


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## Diana7

Honestly when I married my husband I had a dog, with the same name as him funnily enough. Now apart from one dog when he was a child he had never had one, his first wife of 23 years was semi obsessive about housework and not having hairs etc. So despite this, he soon grew to love the dog, took him for walks and generally loved him. We then adopted another when that one died who we have had for 11 years again he loves her, helps with her walks etc. Honestly its not hard to care for an animal. Its easy and so benficial for humans to have pets.


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## Diana7

MJJEAN said:


> You are one lucky lady. I do a combination of breeder dogs and rescues. I've owned some hellions over the years that needed constant training and supervision. One of my Pit Bull females (rescue I got as a pup) seems to literally wander the house when she's bored just looking for something to get into. It's taken A LOT to civilize her and get her to understand the rules. Even now, at 8 years old with hundreds of hours of training under her belt, regular daily exercise, and mental stimulation (puzzles, new behaviors, etc.) she STILL cannot be left home alone unsupervised or she will murder my other dog or randomly decide that wall right there looked tasty. She has also been known to do stuff like open the fridge, get the cheese out of the drawer, and snack while watching TV on the sofa. I've caught her doing this multiple times. She doesn't even have the courtesy to close the fridge behind her, either!!
> 
> So, she's crate trained and gets crated when I have to leave and at bed time. I had to buy a special crate at great expense because she learned how to get out of the standard wire and plastic crates, btw.
> 
> It's entirely possible this dog is actually a royal pain in the rear, needs training, and/or is a high intelligence, high energy dog that needs more time and attention than she's been getting or she becomes bored and joyfully destructive.
> 
> The thing that keeps sticking with me is the frustrated tone of the text and the mention of training. I'm really wondering if this is a dog that's actually causing stress because she has needs her humans don't understand or aren't capable of meeting.
> 
> As for the nails, I think that's a case by case thing. My dogs get exercised, but most of that is on grassy fields or playing in the yard. In the summer the pavement becomes painfully hot under the sun and in the winter the cement and asphalt become seriously cold and covered in salt to prevent ice. Because the heated pavement can literally burn a dogs feet just walking on it and the cold and salt can also cause damage, many people here walk their dogs in booties if they're going off the grass. So, naturally short nails aren't really a thing here because of the midwestern climate.


One of our dogs was scared to death when we adopted him, because he has been treated very badly, almost cetainly beaten and starved. He was lovely though, and soon settled in well. Another was a 10 year old deaf dog when we adopted her, we didnt know she was deaf at that point, she had been a stray but again a lovely dog and no trouble. At one point I had 3 children and three dogs, dogs are such a blessing and easy to care for.


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## DownByTheRiver

I haven't ever used crates either because it's not good for them. but that's easy for me to say because I am a woman living alone with no kids coming over. I have a dog who isn't comfortable with people now and if I had to have a house full of kids over for holiday I would just put her in a room. 

There are some dogs that are so destructive that you might need to use a crate once in a while but basically I think it comes down to you should move somewhere where you can accommodate a dog and have a backyard and then maybe in extreme hot and cold if they can't be trusted inside without eating the sofa, then maybe you use a crate for 3 hours at a time which is the most my vet recommends. But keeping them cooped up only makes their hyperactivity and bad behavior and neuroses worse. I learned that at the zoo.


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## DevotedHubby47

Thanks for all the replies! I dont want everyone to think my wife hates the dog.. she actually loves her most of the time. She just gets frustrated occasionally which happened the day I posted this. My wife recently started working more hours/longer shifts (nurse) and has had to adjust to that along with having to worry about the dog when I’m at work. I understand why she gets frustrated and just want to find a way to lessen the burden on her. 

BTW. Heres the offender.. 










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## Livvie

Omg he's cute


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## DevotedHubby47

Livvie said:


> Omg he's cute


“She” but yes, cute as hell!! I love her!


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## Diana7

DevotedHubby47 said:


> Thanks for all the replies! I dont want everyone to think my wife hates the dog.. she actually loves her most of the time. She just gets frustrated occasionally which happened the day I posted this. My wife recently started working more hours/longer shifts (nurse) and has had to adjust to that along with having to worry about the dog when I’m at work. I understand why she gets frustrated and just want to find a way to lessen the burden on her.
> 
> BTW. Heres the offender..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


She is just beautiful. 
When you say she doesn't want to have to worry about the dog when you are at work, what does she mean? Feed her? Take her out? Why does she need to worry? I just dont get what the issue is here.


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## Bluesclues

DevotedHubby47 said:


> Thanks for all the replies! I dont want everyone to think my wife hates the dog.. she actually loves her most of the time. She just gets frustrated occasionally which happened the day I posted this. My wife recently started working more hours/longer shifts (nurse) and has had to adjust to that along with having to worry about the dog when I’m at work. I understand why she gets frustrated and just want to find a way to lessen the burden on her.
> 
> BTW. Heres the offender..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Your offender looks very much like mine! 

And honestly I have been more annoyed with him this year than ever before. I love my old boy (almost 12) he is a great dog, but my nerves are frayed so the normal stuff like him wanting to go out, but then not wanting to go out, then wanting to go out as soon as I sit down just hits my annoying meter to amazing levels lately.

We also had issues getting him groomed recently (long story). Thankfully the COVID restrictions on mobile dog groomers have been lifted in our state and we have one coming on Monday. Maybe that is an alternative to help? I think whomever was cutting her nails and had trouble with your dog wasn’t very experienced.


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## DevotedHubby47

Diana7 said:


> He is beautiful. When you say she doesn't want to have to worry about the dog when you are at work, what does she mean? Feed him? Take him out? Why does she need to worry? I just dont get what the issue is here.


Maybe I’m too concerned when I shouldn’t be?? For example: I work from 7am-7pm.. I take her (the dog) for a half hour walk every morning before I leave. Wife typically works from 7-3. If my daughter isnt around, Wife has to come home at lunch to take her out. Wife works close to home but still causes some issues.

Maybe she (the dog) can be left home until 3:30 when my wife gets home? To me, thats too long so I expect her (wife) to come home at noon to take her out. 

This is our first time caring for a dog so maybe I’m being to concerned? She (the dog) has free roam of the house when shes alone (we are very lucky with that) so shes not in a crate. But I always want her to go out to pee after 4-5 hours, anymore is too long IMO.. Am I wrong? 


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## Livvie

Why don't you get someone to come in midday to take her out? Either a local person, or there are doggie businesses that do this.


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## Diana7

DevotedHubby47 said:


> Maybe I’m too concerned when I shouldn’t be?? For example: I work from 7am-7pm.. I take her (the dog) for a half hour walk every morning before I leave. Wife typically works from 7-3. If my daughter isnt around, Wife has to come home at lunch to take her out. Wife works close to home but still causes some issues.
> 
> Maybe she (the dog) can be left home until 3:30 when my wife gets home? To me, thats too long so I expect her (wife) to come home at noon to take her out.
> 
> This is our first time caring for a dog so maybe I’m being to concerned? She (the dog) has free roam of the house when shes alone (we are very lucky with that) so shes not in a crate. But I always want her to go out to pee after 4-5 hours, anymore is too long IMO.. Am I wrong?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


8 or more hours is a long time to leave a dog. They are social creatures and love company. Many may not be able to last that long without needing a wee. Is there a dog walker/sitter who could take her for a walk late morning say? Or at least pop in and let her out and spend a bit of time with her? When one of you are off there is no problem, all she needs to do is let her out if you arent there. How old is your daughter and how often is she there?


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## Bluesclues

DevotedHubby47 said:


> Maybe I’m too concerned when I shouldn’t be?? For example: I work from 7am-7pm.. I take her (the dog) for a half hour walk every morning before I leave. Wife typically works from 7-3. If my daughter isnt around, Wife has to come home at lunch to take her out. Wife works close to home but still causes some issues.
> 
> Maybe she (the dog) can be left home until 3:30 when my wife gets home? To me, thats too long so I expect her (wife) to come home at noon to take her out.
> 
> This is our first time caring for a dog so maybe I’m being to concerned? She (the dog) has free roam of the house when shes alone (we are very lucky with that) so shes not in a crate. But I always want her to go out to pee after 4-5 hours, anymore is too long IMO.. Am I wrong?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Dogs can hold it for 8 hours. Mine has done it for way longer than that by choice when it is raining out. Before Covid our normal day would be about 6-7 hours from leaving home until one of us could let him out. Never an accident and he is a very happy dog once his people are home. 

Knowing that, I think you need to take the pressure off your wife and make it an optional thing. If she can scoot home then great, if not it will be fine. If your dog is not doing well with that schedule you can hire someone to walk her. 

I am more concerned why you initially made it seem like you work opposite shifts and she is home “relaxing” and just not wanting to take care of the dog, as opposed to her work day being interrupted by needing to come home. I assume that is also her lunch time which is not very long. Why did you do that?


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## Diana7

Bluesclues said:


> Dogs can hold it for 8 hours. Mine has done it for way longer than that by choice when it is raining out. Before Covid our normal day would be about 6-7 hours from leaving home until one of us could let him out. Never an accident and he is a very happy dog once his people are home.
> 
> Knowing that, I think you need to take the pressure off your wife and make it an optional thing. If she can scoot home then great, if not it will be fine. If your dog is not doing well with that schedule you can hire someone to walk her.
> 
> I am more concerned why you initially made it seem like you work opposite shifts and she is home “relaxing” and just not wanting to take care of the dog, as opposed to her work day being interrupted by needing to come home. I assume that is also her lunch time which is not very long. Why did you do that?


Many dogs cant. Most humans dont hold it for that long so why do we expect dogs to?


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