# To late to go back



## Forever&ever (Mar 18, 2012)

Hi,

Where do i begin?

I was married for 6 years,been together for 8 years.We are still married but have been separated for 12 months now.
We have 2 beautiful little boys .

I'm the one who left.We had 2 businesses ,my husband was doing all the paperowrk and i was hands on.Our problem was that he was so streesed with all the workload on top of his day job,i was coming home from work and wanting him to spend time with me and the kids but he was always working in his office which was in our home.He was always there but never there.I've asked and asked over and over again to get out of that damn office and spend time with us but it never happend.
He was coming to bed around 9 -10-11 pm every night.We had a poor sexual relationship ,for me it felt like i was tapped on the shoulder .A few months before i left we bought the second bussines which required me work work extremly long hours,i was over tired ,thats when i stopped asking him to do anything with us or with me.He then thought i was having an affair??Thats the only reason i can explain him sending me flowers with no card.That was the day when everything started to fall,i was upset that he was checking to see if there was someone else,i told him i felt like we grew apart,i felt love for him but not the love you should have for a partner,i didnt feel attracted to him anymore,i told him how i felt and he panicked and started doing crazy things to try and fix it.He wanted to do counselling but i had no desire for it.I honestly thought it was over ,we grew apart and that was it.I put him through a lot of pain,never meant to and never wanted to hurt him on purpose.He's tried everything to get me back but i just wouldnt have it,couldn't feel it.I wanted him to move on and be happy with someone else.
I met someone a month after i left and that was my mistake,that i started a relantionship with someone else,i should have just have time to myself and back then i thought it was over.
I hurt him so much .

But what goes around comes back around.I snapped out of this relantionship and i started to miss him,i didnt know if to say anything or do anything because i didnt really know what i was feeling.A few weeks later he's told me he entered a relationship with someone who loves him as much as he loved me.And i watched him changing.He now has the time to do things with his new partner,he now does things that i always asked him to do.
I told him how i felt and i think it was to late.He's told me i cant hurt him anymore(which was never my intention)he's told me he loves me but he loves her too?Is it possible to love 2 women at the same time?

As much as i want him to be happy ,it hurts to see him happy with someone else.

She is pushing him for a divorce,she wants to marry him.

I wonder if i should put my life on hold and wait ,i wonder if there will ever be a chance for us after i hurt him so much


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## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

Forever&ever said:


> Hi,
> 
> Where do i begin?
> 
> ...


When i read this post, i was O.M.G. this situation sounded exactly like me and my ex wife. She did exactly what u did to me. I begged, pleaded, did crazy things to try and "fix us". Pleaded for marriage councilling etc etc. Nothing worked. 

To relate how he would have felt after u got into a relationship after a month would probably had killed him inside out. My ex got with her now boyfriend 3 months after we broke up (6 yrs together, 1 child). I was devastated. I forced myself to move on which im sure your husband did as well. I havent found anyone yet (ive dated heaps in the last year (we broke up last march) and slept around a bit) but in my opinion, i would never get back with my ex wife. Hence, why would he want u back after 

1. You destroyed his self-confidence, ego, self-esteem. u name it. 
2. he's found someone who loves him back. 

In my opinion, u should wish him the best of luck and mean it. He deserves it. Rebound or not with this new girl, thats his choice now. There wouldnt be much of a chance now. U broke him and now someone else came and fixed him. Sorry to sound too straightforward but this is what i think. Personally i would never get back with my ex. The damage has been done. Tried my best and she left me while i needed her the most. GLuck but unless he breaks up with this women, he wont go back to u sorry. Even then, im not sure.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

It really does sound like he has moved on. You left him and found someone else and it probably tore him up inside. Maybe you feel remorse now, but, it sounds like he has already let you go. If he really does seem happy with someone else, then let him go, too. Tell him you feel remorse for what you did and that you are sorry you caused him so much pain. Tell him that you understand that you have hurt him and that you feel regret. And, then, wish him good luck and happiness in his life. If he wants a divorce, you should give him one. Being separated and waiting in limbo for your partner to snap out of it and come back kills you a little every day; after a year, do you really think he could trust you again? Put yourself in his shoes; would you abandon a good relationship to take him back if he had done this to you? Probably not.

It's a shame it took you so long to feel remorse and that he has moved on, but....sometimes, things don't work for a reason. Your marriage was troubled and you grew apart. Maybe you can find a way to just be civil to each other now, instead.


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## Forever&ever (Mar 18, 2012)

I do..i really do wish him the best and i mean it.I am glad he is happy and its not my intention to try and break his relationship.He does seem to be happy and he says he is.
I posted on here to get some opinions,but deep down i know its over and its all my fault.
I am not going to be difficult when it will come down to divorce.

We are here because of what ive done .

I will live with regret for the rest of my life.


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## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

Forever&ever said:


> I do..i really do wish him the best and i mean it.I am glad he is happy and its not my intention to try and break his relationship.He does seem to be happy and he says he is.
> I posted on here to get some opinions,but deep down i know its over and its all my fault.
> I am not going to be difficult when it will come down to divorce.
> 
> ...


FE&E....remember it's not all because of what you've done. You were supposed to be a partnership in life, when work took over family time, that wasn't all your fault! 
Try not to live with regret about it. Live with the knowledge of how to prevent it from happening again to you &/or your kids! You and your H have to be some sort of friends because you have kids together - for the sake of their well being. Make the most of it. Show your H that you are a patient & kind person.
Even when it hurts, just be you. Don't let resentment or jealousy override what you really feel. 
You and I have a very similar story. I will be D next month. I am the one that wanted it. He has pulled out all the stops, but I haven't come back to the "in love with him" feeling. Idk if i ever will. Just because we are D, doesn't mean we can't still work on it little by little.
IMO, if something is meant to be, it'll work its way back around.


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