# An Aha! Moment?



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

This, I’m sure, is nothing new to some of you. In fact, I know I’ve read this in the past here on TAM, but today I think it finally hit me. 

For the past 12 months of separation I’ve been holding out hope, a rather small sliver of hope, that H was going to change his mind and return. That his MLC would run its course (going on about 3 years now), and he would come out of his fog. Well, that didn’t happen and the last two serious conversations we had he made that clear. Of course, since those conversations have taken place I have been *really*, *really* depressed and anxious, more fearful of the future and generally just feeling bad mentally and physically. Today it hit me that maybe now that I know there is no hope of R, I can finally start to heal and maybe part of the healing process is feeling worse before you feel better. My Aha! moment was realizing that as long as we continue to hold out hope, we are hindering our healing. I just hope, for my own sanity, that this is what’s happening. I’m so tired of the depression and anxiety and confusion about where my life is going. It’s gotten to the point that my meds seem to have stopped working.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

just,

Good insight! Stay strong and work towards what you want in life. 

There will still be rough patches ahead but just be determined to keep plowing through them!


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

I'm happy for you!

Holding out hope for someone that is finished with you is way more hurtful than helpful.

Once you even out the playing field and are able to observe exactly what you're missing (and realize its not much), the healing will begin.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

i'm so proud of you! it's not easy to reach this point, i'm sure but eventually you need to decide enough is enough. in a perfect world, there would be closure, but i feel like with MLC and WAH/W this often doesn't happen. good for you for taking the control back and coming to this realization!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My dear I hope this is that moment for you! It is such a liberating feeling. I had mine a while ago. I thought it was it, but for a while, I kept waiting for things to come crashing back down on me, but it never did. Sort of like slowly peering out the window and seeing the desolate wasteland had been replaced by a beautiful new world all around!


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## BronteVillette (Jun 16, 2012)

I think I am about where you are. For me, the realization that we are over and done has started another mourning period. I say realization and not decision because I feel like I have no choice as he has made his position quite clear. At the same time, as lulubelle wrote we need to decide for ourselves that enough is enough. Is it the same for you?

I am in the way early stages and also feel fearful of my future (and even question if I have one), so I hope I will eventually climb out of it. I hope so for you, too. 

If you read some of the posts on the After Divorce forum, you may find inspiration from others who have already "been there and done that" and came out shining. 

I think you are right, holding on does hinder our healing but I don't think anyone can blame us for holding out as long as we did. It's a tough road and hard to give up on old dreams.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Shortly after making this realuzation I found out that he took off for the weekend to go spend with his cyber-fling. So here ive been all weekend having anxiety attcks and spending most of my time in bed. Another daggar to the heart. This whole thing is so, so sad. I just feel like any sort of communication we had between us is dead now and Im starting another period of mourning. How much can one hear take?


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## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

> My Aha! moment was realizing that as long as we continue to hold out hope, we are hindering our healing


JustAbove, One of the best statements I've ever read on this site.
That should be a mantra for all of us.


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