# orgasms!



## wantingmore01 (Apr 25, 2012)

Hi Ladies-

My husband and I have been married 20 years. Like many, we've had ups and downs in our sex life. I've always been able to have orgasms through oral and manual stimulation, but never "through intercourse alone". I know, I know - it's normal and be happy with your body, etc. However, I can't help but wonder if I can learn to orgasm this way. I would like to know from those of you who do have orgasms through penetration, how exactly do you make it happen? What are the specific positions/movements that make it work for you? Thanks!


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I'd like to hear what women say about this as well. I'm like you, only orgasm through oral and manual. On one occasion I did orgasm twice with sex, but it never happened again. It does depend on position I think, rubbing etc. I don't think you can make them happen at will lol.

You could bring in toys and use them during sex, or have your partner stimulate you.


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## wantingmore01 (Apr 25, 2012)

Yes, we incorporate manual stimulation - his hand, my hand, vibrator, vibrating c-ring. All of that is great, don't get me wrong. Very eager to hear what others have to say!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

The deeper the better, and has to be a "grinding" motion. Give it a try! Your toes will curl and your eyes will roll back in your head. For me, it happens that way. Not with the in and out motion. 

Good luck! :smthumbup:


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Also rub the roof


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

In_The_Wind said:


> Also rub the roof


:woohoo:


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Has the 'G-Spot' Been Confirmed at Last? Yes Virginia it does exist 


Has the 'G-Spot' Been Confirmed at Last?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Length doesn't matter as much as girth.

They're easy to generate if you bear down when things get intense. Literally - bear hug - give the hair a tug - max pressure from above and below.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

G-spot (some will disagree but I know how I feel) is in front of vagina (for me 2 inches in, as my husband can feel it with his finger when I am aroused)

Since your husband has to hit your spot while penetration, and my hubby's member points up a bit (stand up at attention lol) so face to face positions work best for us becasue the shape of his memeber rubs the front. He also has to have his hips lower than mine so the tip hits lower in the vag. His body on top in missionary rubs the clit no manual stim isn't necessary for me but I will suspect will help most ladies, expecially if this is what they are accustomed too.
Really it is trial and error until you find the right spot. You will have to do "homework" on the subject.

So, it depends on how it is "hanging" and how it lines up with you. He will have to adjust his position, then after I am "done" he adjusts to a position that suits his pleasure more. All is good in the end.

I also can O without sex (clit only) but find that when you O with clit & G stimulation together it is WAY more intense. I usually cant O with pentration in "non-facing" positions (ie.. doggy) without a helping hand.

I have also read that since noone agrees if the G spot is real or not it is likely that some women have much larger/more sensitive ones than others. And if you have a smaller/less sensitive one you are less likely to get added pleasure from the penetration regardless of size/skill of partner. It would be a genetic thing like whether you are born with a big nose or not. lol. food for thought. I know I have one as I said my hubby can feel it with his finger when I am aroused, and when he touches it, it is extremely sensitive to me. 

Sorry if graphic.. hope it helps.
Go do your homework


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

while my wife easily orgasms thru intercourse she's found taht kegels help with the intensity. she also squeezes at times during sex, so might want to give that a try as well


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Put a couple pillows under your butt during missionary. Ahhhh yea.


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## orangyred (May 6, 2011)

I'm learning for me the deeper the better too. But it's taken a long time to figure that out. Oi. But it's not always true either. I have to already by semi-aroused at least.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I can only orgasm with intercourse if I've had one via oral/manual stimulation. And before 5 or so years ago, I never had an orgasm through intercourse.


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## Johnnyboy (Apr 2, 2012)

My SO can orgasm during sex but the trouble is I always orgasm first. I don't want to go down on her after and I can't mount her after so she was left hanging. So she MADE me go down (yuk, and sorry to all you guys who like that). So now what we do is, I go down on her until she orgasms and then we have sex until I have one. She screams with delight and many times has another orgasm. Now we are both extremely satisfied.

jb


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

wantingmore01 said:


> I would like to know from those of you who do have orgasms through penetration, how exactly do you make it happen? What are the specific positions/movements that make it work for you? Thanks!


I've always been able to orgasm through intercourse.. (I have trouble with oral ). 

For me , I do alot of rhythmic moving around to "get mine", find the position that feels amazing (3 work for us) and with every pump, I can feel it building & building & I keep moving him along with what I need. If he is on top of me, I am grabbing his butt, pushing him down into me, my legs bracing a certain way on his to rock myself or rock him a pleasurable way to get me there . I never let him do all the work- or it would likely not work for me!

We may have to pause a few times for him to hold on.... he's pretty masterful at that. 

When I am on top, I control all the pumping, this is the easiest positon for women...so they say --Cowgirl.... And we do it with his sitting against the wall or on a chair, and I straddle on him....I control all the pumping, rocking, grinding, just being careful I don't send him over the edge first, generally some stops & starts along the way. 

When WE are in control of our pleasure, keeping the motion going ,not stopping... this is how it works for me.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I've always been able to orgasm through intercourse.. (I have trouble with oral ).
> 
> For me , *I do alot of rhythmic moving around to "get mine", find the position that feels amazing *(3 work for us) and with every pump, I can feel it building & building & I keep moving him along with what I need. If he is on top of me, *I am grabbing his butt, pushing him down into me, my legs bracing a certain way on his to rock myself or rock him a pleasurable way to get me there *. I never let him do all the work- or it would likely not work for me!
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

My wife finds that she gets much stronger orgasms in a way similar to what's been described in the posts above: she's on top, all the way in, and she grinds on me (often times she likes it when I mix in a few thrusts w/o much in/out motion, but mostly grinding). It helps even more of I firmly (but gently) pull down on her hips.

I think it's the combination of the motion and pressure that help most.


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## wantingmore01 (Apr 25, 2012)

Update from the OP - 

First of all, thanks to everyone for the replies. What interested me the most is that many of you said that you could orgasm through grinding action, not the pounding and thrusting that you see in movies, porn, or that you even read in erotica. All of these years I've had serious sex envy about this issue! Ugh! The disconnect between what I see in media vs. what I know my body responds to has made me feel inadequate for so long. In fact, right now I'm reading 50 Shades of Grey, and despite all the great things I've heard about the book, I just can't relate to many of the sex scenes (from behind with no direct clitoral stimulation, etc.) So, the great news is that I had good success the other night with my husband on top and with my legs together and my pelvis tipped up towards his.  Although I would love to get off just by being pounded silly, I guess it's all about the grind! 

If any of you DO get off by being pounded silly, please send your advice! Thanks.


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## Bluemoon1 (Mar 29, 2012)

Just another way to make people feel inadequate, some people are tall some are small, some people can do things others can not, it really is not that important, as long as you enjoy the act


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Bluemoon1 said:


> Just another way to make people feel inadequate, some people are tall some are small, some people can do things others can not, it really is not that important, as long as you enjoy the act


Maybe not for you but it is important to me. Not getting one every time is OK, it feels good anyway. But if I never had and orgasm or it happened infrequently, sex would be frustrating. I would do everything to avoid it. I would also be divorced by now. 

Never orgasmed vaginally so I am going to try the methods outlined here.


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

For me it really depends on the moment. Sometimes it's the whole "by being pounded silly" sometimes it's gotta be cowgirl, other times missionary. One that I really like is if he lays on his side, and I slide down at a 90 degree angle ( making a big X I guess) with one leg between his, the other over top of him, this allows you both to move and for you to be able to help control things, also allows for manual stimulation.

I hope you find something that works for you. I can't imagine sex without an orgasm. Good luck! Keep trying until you find it!


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Oh the chair....yehaw! Yes as the other ladies have put it....grind baby grind....now if you want what I call the oulewhere you get the deep thrust and the manual, try doggie with him reaching around and holding his fingers in host the right spot so you rub with each push.... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

southern wife said:


> The deeper the better, and has to be a "grinding" motion. Give it a try! Your toes will curl and your eyes will roll back in your head. For me, it happens that way. Not with the in and out motion.
> 
> Good luck! :smthumbup:


One of the books my wife and I read early in the marriage said that many men don't have the ab strength and endurance to help a woman achieve what my wife calls tantric orgasms, which last really long, or often the endurance for orgasms with women who have trouble without resorting to manual or oral. Really, some of her struggles with orgasms in the early months seemed to be more related to body image fears, so some of the tantric principles we studied were aimed at releasing these inhibitions. My wife likes to build up to it through different positions and rhythyms, ending like described here, and she says that these just last forever.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Wow this is a great thread. I have to do some reading on female orgasms.


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

I'll ask you ur age but you don't have to say, the X was never into "pounding" till she hit 41. Before that it was G spot and clit action that did it. @ 41 her body went nuts and just about anything did it including anal........not my cup of tea.

Mouse


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

You guys are great...no sarcasm I'm serious. Just reading this part of the board is starting to make me realize that I may have been the cause of my shambled marriage all along.

She no longer wants sex...at all. It stopped around the time of my first child being born so I always linked the 2. But now that I think about it...I have never really tried to do any of the things listed here. I love performing oral and she gets off no problem that way...but it isnt enough. That's probably why she shut it down so to speak. 

What an eye opener. Instead of pounding mercilessly like an industrial jackhammer I should have been grinding. It kind of makes me sad that I'm realizing I suck at the sex.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

SW is right, the 'grinding' motion in missionary was best, but it has to be deep penetration - do it with your legs over his shoulders


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

we can make it happen from time to time, but I never remember what we did! More often than not it is manual.

When it's happening or about to happen, she almost squeezes me out, so that I'm closer to the 'front gate,' so to speak. Nothing better than still being inside her when she comes! 

I need to go home and get some...


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Try deep penetration with little or no thrusting, just some Kegel flexes and some grinding. The best way to get this level of penetration is with her on her back, a pillow under her ass, and her ankles on my shoulders. I can then use my fingers to rub her clit, she seems to like me to also rub the area directly below her clit as well. If you do it right, you can do this for an hour or more.

The last time we did it this way, she had several orgasms where her contractions practically squeezed my c*ck right out of her. It was awesome.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

A while back, I posted this in response to a similar question. Hope it helps.

The act of intercourse produces different effects for men and women. For most, it seems neither men nor women seem to understand that and then say things like "most women don't have vaginal orgasms" or "it takes a long time to really know how." The difference is that men need the friction (the in and out motion, which is the reason his hand, your hand, and your mouth are similar stimulants (though men may prefer one over the other). There is more to making love, but I'm not talking about the other stuff. I'm only talking about the act of intercourse itself.

Women though don't need the friction, which is the reason so many woman don't orgasm vaginally. A lot of women and a lot of men don't understand this. The focus gets caught up in what we understand the act itself to be (the in and out motion), and then wonder why we do not or cannot orgasm. The reason is the act - the motion that causes friction - is not stimulating to us. There is nothing inside the vagina that is sensitive in the way our clitoris is sensitive to friction and the way just under the tip of a man's penis is sensitive to friction. That's the reason we like oral so much and masturbating. A man's penis and our clitoris are very similar in that respect and in physical aspect. I don't know if you knew this, and I certainly don't want to confuse you to say the penis and the clitoris were once (during gestation) the same organ. That's why they are so much alike and respond to similar stimulation. There is also the sensitive area underneath the clitoris (between clitoris and vagina) that responds to friction (rubbing or massaging it).

But, again, there is nothing inside the vagina that is similar to that. Instead, we have zones (areas or spots) inside that respond to pressure, not friction. Rubbing against those pressure points does nothing unless pressure is applied during rubbing. Pressure has to be applied to stimulate those areas. One zone - the one that is nearest to the vaginal opening and easiest to access - has become known as the G-spot. The G-spot responds very well to repeated pressure.

The G-spot is located just about 2 inches (more or less for you) inside at the top of the vagina. Have your husband insert one or two fingers (with the palm of his hand facing upward toward the ceiling) to find it. It is a ridgy area that feels like the roof of your mouth feels. He can bring you to orgasm by repeatedly applying pressure there. Tell him to crook his fingers back and forth. You know the way you crook your index finger to tell someone to come here. Everyone knows that motion of the finger, and that's what he needs to do to your G-spot. He can also bring you to orgasm during intercourse by concentrating pressure with his penis on that area. That means he will not insert his penis all the way inside, but just far enough to hit your G-spot. 

That's a big reason most women don't orgasm vaginally and think it's normal not to. Her man penetrates himself way past her most sensitive area and then motions in and out to cause friction during the act of sex, rather than applying pressure for her pleasure. One really good position to access the G-spot during intercourse is to raise your legs and rest your ankles on his shoulders, then have him lean forward so as to make you bend your knees. So long as he does not penetrate past the G-spot area, he will drive you wild when hitting it.

Other errogenous zones for women are located deeper/farther inside the vagina and are known as A-spots. Not all men are large enough or long enough to reach those A-spots, but it usually doesn't matter as long as he at least makes the effort to hit your G-spot. If your husband is large enough or long enough to reach your A-spot areas, then have him take his time. Like I said, we don't need the friction but the pressure, so long, leisurely stroking may be necessary. We women don't normally like jack rabbit sex, but if that's your cup of tea then it's fine. You both should take the time to learn what you like most, whether fast, slow, or somewhere in between. I respond best to slow love making and pressure applied leisurely. He presses himself inside and holds himself there for just a moment before withdrawing slightly to relieve the pressure, and then penetrates deeply again applying pressure again. The passion, the ecstacy, the excitement, and the orgasm build until I need him to go a little bit faster and not withdraw far at all, mostly just humping at a moderate pace.


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## happymrs (May 1, 2012)

wantingmore01 said:


> If any of you DO get off by being pounded silly, please send your advice! Thanks.


I will do my best but I am not sure exactly what it is that does it...what I mean is that about two years ago we changed things up a bit and that is when I started really enjoying sex with my husband. 

I, too am married over twenty years. The early years I know we stumbled around a bit, ok alot. We found one way that worked and pretty much that was all we did. It was ok, but not like now. Soon the babies came and I know I stretched with each baby, but didn't realize how much. I think it hampered the feelings I got from sex even more. 

About two years ago I started having some problems in another area and did research. I read about kegel exercises, but more importantly I read about the use of aids in doing them. (I opted for Jade eggs). Well the problem got taken care of but what I also found was that sex suddenly got incredible. I believe I had my first vaginal orgasm(now that I knew what they felt like). 
When my husband and I talked he commented on how different sex felt for him. He was blunt with me about how it felt for him since giving birth, but he dealt with it. He tells me now that I am tighter than I was in my twenties(is that too blunt).

The other thing we changed up is more something my husband began doing. He will go slow, the grinding motion that has been commented about. He pretty much makes sure he hits my g-spot. It builds me up a little slowly, but them he begins to really pound me silly and I have no problem reaching orgasm. In fact he will do this movement several times bringing me over almost every time. I'm not sure or not if it has to do with the fact that he's already stimulating the g and my body is responing to it already being so sensitized. 

I hope this helps. I tried to explain the best I can; I'm just not used to being so open and personal about this on the internet.


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## wantingmore01 (Apr 25, 2012)

Yes, our 20 year story sounds similar to yours. Over the years, we got stuck in a rut of what worked. I, too, stretched after having a couple of kids. I started doing a lot of strength training with TRX about 2 years ago, and my husband says my vagina is now like a set of vice grips. I'm more sexually responsive, too. I will definitely get a set of eggs, though. Could you advise of what brand you have and exactly how you use/used them? Thanks!


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

I've never had any complaints in the tightness area, but I guess we've never talked about it after the birth of our second either... I'd also be interested in the egg info! Maybe a link if you have one.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

My wife comes most often riding cowgirl with me pulling her down by her hips, shoulders or the top of her head. Maxmise clit/pubic bone contact and friction.


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## happymrs (May 1, 2012)

Riven said:


> I've never had any complaints in the tightness area, but I guess we've never talked about it after the birth of our second either... I'd also be interested in the egg info! Maybe a link if you have one.





wantingmore01 said:


> Could you advise of what brand you have and exactly how you use/used them? Thanks!


My husband never said a word either, not until I’d tightened up my muscles. While he told me about how good I felt now, he was quite blunt with his wording about how I used to feel, but he’d just figured it was the way things were after having babies. I didn’t take insult since we were communicating and being honest with one another as we should, and he assured me that it wasn’t the case anymore. 

As for the jade eggs—I did some research and found a couple of places online where they could be purchased, but at the time the prices were a little out of my reach especially since I wasn’t really sure they would work and to take a chance with funds that were needed elsewhere I wasn’t going to chance it. Instead I made note of the sizes of the jades I’d seen online and found a shop in my area that sold polished non-porous stones. I stayed with jade but my understanding that any non-porous polished stone will work as well. I actually purchased sphere shaped stones in pairs as close in size to the ones I found online and they worked just as well since an actual egg shape was difficult to find locally. I started with the largest size as directed on the sites, and worked my way to the smallest, first using one, then the pair of whatever size I was using. I would keep them in for a few hours a day having to use my muscles to hold them in. The real challenge came when I needed to use the bathroom while still holding them in. At first I did this just about on a daily basis, but now I only need to occasionally just to keep fit. I can usually tell when my muscles need a little strengthening. Also I would suggest boiling the stones in water before use and occasionally afterward to keep clean. In between boiling I keep clean with alcohol to sterilize them. 

I hope this information helps. I would have posted a link, but not entirely sure if that’s acceptable. I’m still new to the site and learning the dos and don’ts (google—jadeeggs or calmspirit). There are other aids in strengthening your muscles as well, I just found the jade to be the easiest to use because I can go about my day while exercising at the same time.


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