# Does my husband have feelings for her? Or am I just a horrible person?



## bubbles (Aug 22, 2009)

My husband has a childhood friend that he has known pretty much his entire life. I've always felt threatened by her because he has always had such a close relationship with her and she's this extremely beautiful Egyptian girl who looks like she belongs in a Victoria Secret catalog.

She’s extremely shy which is weird because she’s pretty and she always looks dead in the eyes. I ask mu husband about it, but she just says she went through a lot growing up. I was always jealous of her because he spent so much time with her and her personality is the exact opposite of mine. I don’t understand how they’re so close. They went to baseball games together, concerts, he would talk to her pretty much every day and they had the same circle of friends. One of his guy friends sent him a text message once asking him, “when he’s going to dump me and marry Liya” his reply “haha, you’re funny”. He’s really protective of her and she’s also close with his mom and family. They pretty much had a full on relationship minus the kissing and sex. I’ve asked him about it and he says it’s nothing like that. He says he’s known her since they were kids and she’s like a sister to him.

I asked him to stop spending so much time with her and he pretty much did. I immediately felt bad because I didn’t think that he would. She even stopped coming to group outings, (my hubby’s sister told her about my request and the girl said she didn’t want to cause any problems). I ran into her one day after that and she was nice and cordial…….I felt bad. I wanted to apologized to her and tell my hubby to talk to her, but I liked having her out of the picture too much.

A few months after my husband and I got married her mom died, then less than 2 months later her brother committed suicide. They were pretty much her only family. I truly felt bad for her. I couldn’t even say anything to her at the funerals because I felt awful and selfish for the way I treated her. My husband tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t really say much to him. Even though he didn’t say anything, I know this upset him

She met some guy and married him 3 months later and moved away. His entire family was worried about her, but as horrible as this sound I was relieved to have her out of the picture. About a year later she came to visit his mom, she had just had a baby and for once she seemed genuinely happy. My husband didn’t like the guy, and honestly, I didn’t either he seemed like a jerk. I think she just wanted a baby, but his family didn’t say anything about it to her because she actually seemed happy. I didn’t say anything because I wanted her to stay away.

4 months ago we got a call, she had been in a car accident her husband died on the scene, the baby the next day in the hospital. I didn’t believe it. I though it was a joke, but it wasn’t. She was back in our lives again. I really do feel bad for her, I can’t imagine losing all the people closest to you, but at the same time I just want her out of our lives. Am I horrible for feeling this way?

My husband now spends pretty much every second he can with her. She moved back here and is temporarily living with my husband’s mom. I know she’s going through a tough time, but he doesn’t need to be there for her all every moment. I feel that it isn’t normal for him to be so attached to her. It’s literally like I don’t even exist. Yesterday we got into a huge fight about it and I said something that I absolutely regret. I said that that he didn’t need to spend every second with her and it escalated into our first full on fight. I eventually said something along the line of, “she should have just died in the car accident.” I was upset, I didn’t mean it and I would do anything to take it back. My husband didn’t even say anything after that he just left. I feel terrible, he won’t talk to me. I don’t know what to do?

Regardless of what he says, I think he has feelings for her? Am I wrong for wanting this girl away from my husband?


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Of course he has feelings for her. I understand his "feelings" for her. She's the sister he never had! I love my daughter and would do anything or be anywhere for her. Do I want intimacy? uh, no (nor would I my sister). 

You may be over reacting a little. Can you get your mind around the idea she IS his sister? His phone response is very telling...he loves her AS A SISTER! He loves YOU as a life mate! 

As far as "every second"...your remarks may have turned him off of you (for a bit) and he's giving his (sisterly!) love to her because he doesn't think your love is supporting him. 

I will agree that he should re-order his priorities. With you first. But as "family" you should understand his "need" to support her.

if he was going to take her to bed, he'd have done it long ago. You know this. He didn't. He chose you. 

Apologize to the best of your ability and try to support him (as he supports her).


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I tend to agree with DCRIM. However, I understand that fact of "every second" being a bit much. What if you stepped in and did something with the two of you. Build a relationship with her. She is going through a rough time and show her your good, caring side. The kind of caring that you would show any human being for this kind of trauma.

This my alleviate some of your husbands feeling to help her. If he knows that you are helping, then he may end up backing off a little.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

It's sad your so afraid of her and how she looks as it must be threatening to you. The girl sounds like she really needs a friend but that must be too hard for you to overlook her looks.
I know some women who are like that, who base sooooo sooo much into looks and all the things they do 
to prevent anyone ( men, women or even children) from being fond of someone based on their looks or meaning, if someone is very attractive physically. Often times, it is the very average looking women who do this as 
they just can't stand the fact threy will never be hot or beautiful.
It is very odd... but I've seen it in life.

I feel you should close your eyes to how she looks and open your
heart to her, sounds like she has been through terrible things
and could use a friend.
beautiful women have a really hard time... they are somewhat cursed with their beauty.

of course he has feelings for her, those are love and friendship. To keep him away from her based on your insecurity is a terrible thing to do to everyone involved, all 3 of you.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I also agree with dcrim. Although they are not blood related, she is family to him. My boss is like a brother to me (weird huh?). He is married and his wife is a very jealous. I make sure she knows that I am in no way a threat to their marriage. I have asked her out to dinner, talked to her on the phone, etc.....

Have you tried to befriend this woman at all? Tried to get to know her? You are possibly overlooking an opportunity to have a wonderful person in your life.

My ex husband had a friend who was a very, very good looking man. The more I got to know him, the less attractive he was. I have a friend who was born with a disfiguring facial birth defect. She is awesome!

What I'm trying to get at is, the more you get to know a person, the less their looks matter.

It sounds like this woman has been through some horrible events and you want to push her away beause of how she looks. This should make you count your blessings, be happy with what YOU have! Don't waste your time being petty and spiteful. Your actions are going to end up pushing your husband away.


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