# Childfree movement-Too much hate!



## FirstYearDown

As most members know, my husband and I are a childfree couple. This is unusual so I have sought out forums and groups who can understand our choice. I must say that the level of hatred for parents and families turns me off. Speaking proudly of my nieces has led to personal attacks.  Just because a couple does not want children, it doesn't mean that they must hate all youngsters. My nieces bring me so much joy and fill my heart with a special unique love. I enjoy spoiling them and taking them places. Everywhere I go, babies smile at me or want to play. 

Not all parents are evil or stupid, just because they choose to have families. The childfree idiots I am speaking of take pleasure in spreading anger about those who choose to have children. They are just as bad as those who put down childfree folks and I don't understand why these groups cannot see their hypocrisy. Why can't a person love kids just because they choose not to have their own? I don't get it. 

I wanted to tell all the good parents on TAM (you know who you are! ) that I admire their bravery in choosing to raise a family. Parenting is not for the faint of heart and if you raise decent children in today's world, you deserve a medal. 

There is a huge difference between parents and breeders. I have no respect for breeders; in my eyes those are morons who have several kids on the taxpayer's dime. If you cannot afford to raise children, DO NOT HAVE THEM AND EXPECT OTHERS TO PAY.


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## Jellybeans

I agree that a lot of child-free couples do get a lot of hate and confusion thrown their way. 

I say, if you are happy that way, then it's all good.


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## Sorrowsx

I think in general our world is becoming full of hate. Men vs. women, parents vs. child free, religious vs. non-religious.... Our world is becoming more and more hateful. It makes me sad.


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## CandieGirl

Misdirected hate; at least you made an informed choice.


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## notperfectanymore

Hang tough...this too shall pass.....Hubby and I are also childless by choice...the harrassment we took was crazy...borderline harrassment....almost 18 years later (now too old  ) the comments are done, as are most of the relationships from back then...as you get older, it will get less and your surviving marriage will speak volumes


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## omega

I agree, FYD. I've stayed away from the childfree boards too. I don't really care for children in my immediate environment (and babies bore me to tears) BUT I don't have a problem with children in general! I just don't want to have my own! One of my very very closest friends has 5 children. There's just no room in my life for hate, so if being active in the 'childfree community' means buying into the us vs. them mentality, I'm not interested. 

That said, it is nice to know other childfree people. I have found that we naturally gravitate toward childfree folks because our schedules work. I made major efforts to hang out with some parents here (we recently moved to the city where we live now and we tried to pursue friendships with coworkers in our age group) but they never had any time to do ANYTHING. I can't tell you how many times I got turned down for dinner, game night, etc. But the childfree ones were the ones who kept coming over / meeting up. Now we see each other multiple times/week and have a great time together. After living here only a few months we have friends we can trust and count on. And they never turn us down to hang out! So I guess what I'm trying to say is that we still hang out primarily with childfree couples, but not in a childfree-focused way. We don't talk about children or 'not children' at all - we just have a great time together!

I think it's great that you have an awesome relationship with your nieces!! I have a niece too but she lives on the other side of the world and I have no relationship with her at all, which is sad. I'm sure your nieces are lovely people!!


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## CLucas976

I am a child-free person.

I like kids, I LOVE my friends children, and I am perfectly content to keep "aunty" status my entire life. I know I'd be a good mom, I know I am capable, I just don't want to reproduce.

Oddly, the most hate I have ever received was from my own spouse. I never lied about not wanting kids, he just thought I'd grow out of that phase. I am a selfish self serving human being because I don't want to bear him or any other man a child. Normally you just get told how you have to have one, everyone wants you to have one, and it's what life is about etc etc. 
...

you know what? I completely lost the rest of whatever my point was going to be just now lol. so I'll just leave it at that and point my absent mind somewhere else


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## shy_guy

I'd say I've noticed that about a lot of people taking positions - especially advocacy positions. This is one of the reasons I hate politics so much. Unlike most in the US, I don't see positions in politics as "both sides." I see a number of sides, and the proponents of those sides act pretty much the same so far as I can see. They employ the same manipulations and have the same cognitive issues to justify their position and make their own position absolutely good and the other position(s) absolutely ridiculous. They all act pretty much the same IMO. 

If your choice makes you happy, then I think it is a good thing for you. My mind thinks about different things, and I don't think I would have been happy without children. That's where we were in our lives. If we're both happy, then I think we've both made good choices. Enjoy those nieces and nephews, and of course, your husband. I don't think you'll find those people who you recognize as being hateful to be very supportive. Surely there are some who can be helpful, though. I hope you can find understanding friends ... I'm sure you can.


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## heartsbeating

This is the only board I visit...I will say I was glad to read of other married couples who don't have children by choice. I only know maybe two couples in a similar scenario but otherwise I'm surrounded by married couples who have children or are planning on starting a family. That's all good!...but I'm well aware that I'm in the minority of my peer group. 

I have never felt criticized or put-down for not starting a family though. This is new for me to read about, that people can react this way. I was out recently with friends. One has two children, the other friends are planning on starting a family. Through our conversation, I shared that when I see photos of friend's babies or their pregnancies, this slight funky mood comes over me. I consider what my priorities are as a 35 year old, in comparison to them bringing life into this world...but let's face it, I can barely look after myself  let alone babies lol!! They just laughed along with me, and they asked "But do you even want to have children?" I replied "No, I don't think so." Then they reminded me about walking my own path. 

Now in saying that, I had a dream last night. Hubs was standing in the street at night and it was gently raining. He called me away from the shop cover I was standing under to keep myself dry. I walked to him in the rain, he pulled me close for a hug and whispered in my ear "I want to make a baby with you." I was surprised and asked him to repeat what he'd said...he said again, "I want to make a baby with you." Then I woke up.


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