# Overcoming Images of Wife's Other Lovers - Is it possible?



## DeeKay1 (Mar 3, 2010)

Whenever my wife and I have sex, I can't seem to block out the haunting images of other men she has had sex with. First, is it normal for me to have these haunting images? Second, is there any way for me to overcome them, or am I stuck with those images permanently?


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

It's completely normal to have those thoughts - and there is a way to overcome them, to a certain extent. You are also capable of recalling any image you have (that's one definition of memory). Overcoming them does not mean getting rid of them - it means replacing them with other thoughts.

Basically, it works this way: every time you have one of those thoughts - deliberately change your mind and think of something else. VERY difficult at first - as with any other habit - but it becomes easier over time, until you finally have built the habit of remembering or thinking about the positive rather than the negative.


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## christmaslady (Dec 21, 2009)

It's true. I went through that..to the point that it would make me feel sick to look at his during sex. When i realized that was what was going on, and by that happening I was lending more power to the affair, I made the concious decision to 1. I told him what was going on, I asked him to keep his eyes opened and look at me when we were in the moment...it made me feel he was connected to me and only me at the time. 2. I sat alone and thought of the things that made me happy to be with him...why was I even there to begin with? once I made the list and was able to define and remember those special moments, I made an effort to think of them when I felt uneasy while I was with him. In the beginning he knew what was going on, because I would physically stop as if I heard someone coming in our house or something...then if I started back up again, he knew that he needed to help me focus again and reassure me of how he felt and why we were in the moment. He was able to step to the plate and he made me feel special again. 

Good luck. It is definitely not easy, but it is necessary if you want to move beyond it.


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## hurtbyher (Nov 19, 2009)

I too had this problem of thoughts of OM with my wife. It will get better with time and it is hard but you can get past it. Let her know if you are haveing problems so she can help you overcome them and she doesn't think that you are not interested in her.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

I can't believe anyone would think this way AFTER MARRIAGE???..seriously..if that was an issue you probably should not have led them into the marriage...that's just selfish IMHO


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