# Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Deleted initial post due to details. With so many more WoW players posting, it made me uneasy that someone might learn my identity, as well as the details of the EAs of both my husband and myself.*


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

*deleted*


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Hmmm..guess my initial post was rather wordy. LOL 
Bottom line, I think I get that I have the right to feel the way I do about the whole ordeal, that it can't just be swept under the rug. And, I need to remain transparent, as does he. The only problem is that he seems to want to sweep it. I am allowed to go to his psych appointments. I have thought of asking her for advice on marriage counseling. She knows of our issues from his perspective, and I do not want to jeopardize that, so I think we should see a MC, and get her recommendation. She mentioned once before that it might be a good idea. That was back before things got so bad.

But I cringe at the mention of K2's name, and that's tough since our daughter has a girl in her class with the same name. That feeling WILL go away in time, right? And am I correct in wanting to have him admit to the EA? I have told him everything he has wanted to know, and even things he hasn't. And anything he still wants to know, I am open to.... But he hasn't indicated that he wants to know anything more.

Also, there was a medication the doctor had put him on that caused him to lose interest in sex. Well, he believes it was the medication. Honestly, IDK what to think. It seems to have coincided with the NC request, which he is following. We have more sex, but he says he really hasn't been into it since that medication was started and subsequently stopped. Unfortunately, this was around the exact same time they stopped talking. So, I am insecure about that as well.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Cliff's Notes, please


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

WoW was a breeding ground for EAs when I played.

It is so easy to get caught up in the fantasy. It is a simple slide over to IRL.

Is WoW or any other MMO still being played?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Short version:
I had EA 2 yrs ago. I was caught because of youngest handing my cell to DH after he opened my emails. He requested NC, I stopped talking to OM.

We moved, things got bad again, and I started chatting with a friend of DH, and another EA started. I know, my choice, my fault, I take blame. Lots involved with it, all mentioned in long version. But I hid it better/longer. EA ended, but afterward I still intended to leave DH. Had made that decision already. 

I talked to a girl friend about it, and she, essentially made a play for him. Started EA with him when I told her my intentions. Got to the point he was calling her sexy and beautiful. I asked him to stop talking to her, he said no problem but didn't "get" it. She flipped out. They both maintained "just friends" but you don't call someone sexy if they are "just friends"... nor do you send pics of yourself in your bra/underclothes.... And he still doesn't understand that it WAS and EA he had with her. He confided things he should have been talking with me about.

We are working things out, but different things trigger my mind, and he thinks i need to just move past it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



TorontoBoyWest said:


> WoW was a breeding ground for EAs when I played.
> 
> It is so easy to get caught up in the fantasy. It is a simple slide over to IRL.
> 
> Is WoW or any other MMO still being played?


Nope. We stopped. Both of us. He doesn't even go online anymore. Not since I asked him to stop talking to her.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Both of you got addicted to WOW and looks like your kids are about to follow the same path


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> Nope. We stopped. Both of us. He doesn't even go online anymore. Not since I asked him to stop talking to her.


If I recall correctly (it was a bit wall of text) your H is or was going to IC?

What about you?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

warlock: I agree, we did. But that isn't going to happen with the kids now. No longer playing, so not gonna have that option anymore.

TBW: He is, I am not. I know I need to. Honestly, there is something wrong with ME if I feel the need to seek attention from these other men. It never occurred to me until DH said something about it a few days ago.


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> warlock: I agree, we did. But that isn't going to happen with the kids now. No longer playing, so not gonna have that option anymore.
> 
> TBW: He is, I am not. I know I need to. *Honestly, there is something wrong with ME if I feel the need to seek attention from these other men.* It never occurred to me until DH said something about it a few days ago.


Bingo.

It is good to see the self-awareness in that statement. Now is the time to see if your actions match your words.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

When we were talking about that, I know I brought up not getting the attention I needed from him. I am certain that's not the whole problem, but a part of it. With his depression, and the other diagnoses he has received, he hasn't been able to as well as he used to. And, when that started to diminish, I turned to other men instead of focusing on the kids, myself, and making sure I was there for him. By not being there for him, it drove him further into depression which pushed me further away. 

No, I am not saying he is to blame. I am saying *I* should have focused on the family, or turned to a trusted female friend who could have helped me through this. But I didn't. I am sure there is more to it than that, but it's a start.

And I understand WHY he turned to K2 when I was checking out. I just am not sure why he doesn't acknowledge it for what it was. Maybe because he always maintained that stance against flirting and now he knows he went down that same road, just not as far?


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> When we were talking about that, I know I brought up not getting the attention I needed from him. I am certain that's not the whole problem, but a part of it. With his depression, and the other diagnoses he has received, he hasn't been able to as well as he used to. And, when that started to diminish, I turned to other men instead of focusing on the kids, myself, and making sure I was there for him. By not being there for him, it drove him further into depression which pushed me further away.
> 
> No, I am not saying he is to blame. I am saying *I* should have focused on the family, or turned to a trusted female friend who could have helped me through this. But I didn't. I am sure there is more to it than that, but it's a start.
> 
> And I understand WHY he turned to K2 when I was checking out.* I just am not sure why he doesn't acknowledge it for what it was. Maybe because he always maintained that stance against flirting and now he knows he went down that same road,* just not as far?


That would be my guess but I think until he admits it for what it is you will not be able to fully heal from this. You have admitted to yours he needs to do the same.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



TorontoBoyWest said:


> Bingo.
> 
> It is good to see the self-awareness in that statement. Now is the time to see if your actions match your words.


:iagree:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Living with someone who is mentally ill is a hell of a challenge.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



swetecynamome said:


> Hopefully you have been able to figure out alternative ways to be together, developing other interests, hobbies, etc. It seems like this is all the more important as things like depression and meds can have an effect on libido. It is the chance to discover each other in a whole new way. I don't know. You're not going to like this but I wouldn't get too steamed up about what he did with this other woman on the phone and his not confessing it. Maybe he just justifies it as some kind of pay back and doesn't see a need to explain, confess, or apologize. What does it matter now. You've both given up all of these friends. You're both trying to live a whole new life. You both still have each other which I thought was the point, or it seems like you realized you wanted that. Part of that is letting go, and who knows maybe giving to each other in a way that is more free than before because both of you know you have choices, you have options.


As a matter of fact, we did get it all sorted out. Considering this all transpired nearly a year ago....

And I'm sorry, I disagree that I shouldn't have gotten mad about his cheating as well. We have dealt with it all together. He did finally agree and apologize because he knew it was JUST as wrong as my own.

What do you mean "giving to each other in a way that is more free than before because [we] know [we] have choices"? Incidentally, we don't view each other as "options"... that's a sad way to look at marriage.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> What do you mean "giving to each other in a way that is more free than before because [we] know [we] have choices"? Incidentally, we don't view each other as "options"... that's a sad way to look at marriage.


I think it means you've been tested and come out the other side stronger and more sure of yourselves and each other. There's a freedom in knowing that you made the same choice to be together again...you aren't together because you _have _to be but because you _want _to be.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> As a matter of fact, we did get it all sorted out. Considering this all transpired nearly a year ago....
> 
> And I'm sorry, I disagree that I shouldn't have gotten mad about his cheating as well. We have dealt with it all together. He did finally agree and apologize because he knew it was JUST as wrong as my own.
> 
> What do you mean "giving to each other in a way that is more free than before because [we] know [we] have choices"? Incidentally, we don't view each other as "options"... that's a sad way to look at marriage.


I am addicted to TAM.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



swetecynamome said:


> What I meant by chosing to be together is that you have chosen to be with him and not leave and obviously he has chosen to be with you and not leave and neither have chosen to be with another person but have chosen to be with each other. Yes, I'm sorry, you have options. You can divorce, separate, etc. But it doesn't sound like that's what you've chosen and it sounds like you're happy and it sounds like things have worked out and healing has occurred. And now you know you can be freer to love because yes, as norajane says, trials have occurred in your relationship and and things between you have been renewed and you know you can endure.The very best of outcomes! Take care.


Ahh, I understand what you were saying now. Sorry, when someone says "you have options", the option to separate, divorce, stay married, etc is not the first thing that comes to mind. So, I do apologize for misunderstanding what you were saying.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



swetecynamome said:


> And just to clarify: I didn't say you didn't have a right to get angry about your husband's indiscretions. I was just trying to point out that sometimes we can't make someone do what they don't want to do and it sounds like for a period of time he wasn't willing to confess and so what does one do? Stay or go? If you love him radically, and it sounds like you do, you forgive him whether he confesses or not, you pre-empt his request for forgiveness by forgiving him already in your heart mainly so your heart is freer and you are not consumed with anger that can do damage to you. I hope in future that when you encounter a poster who has diligently read everything you've written in a long post and tried to understand every nuance and tried to respond the best way they know how that this will be taken into consideration when figuring out how to respond to such a diligent reader, even if your reader's suggestion sounds like a challenge. I will try to do a better job at wording my responses and have only now thought of more things I should have said regarding my responses, the reasons for saying what I did. Again, though, I'm glad things worked out.


I think my problem right now is that it's almost a year since this all transpired. Dday was really a week long thing at the end of March. And, the first couple weeks after were basically great. But I joined TAM about a month after, and this was how I was feeling at that time. I have a followup post in my signature, when OW decided to try contacting him again, and I cut that off immediately. In addition to the 1 year mark, I recently learned that OW is now single. So, I'm on edge about the possibility of her contacting my husband now... I trust that HE won't contact HER... but I don't trust HER. Yes, I have access to all of his communications. He has access to mine. 

And, my husband is dealing with a medication change. This isn't for his psych/mental, but for his back. It's frustrating... but I have chosen NOT to slip into old habits again. And, even though I have been b!tchy lately, more so than usual, I think.... TAM is still my safe haven, keeping me (somewhat) sane. Well, as sane as possible, anyway.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> In addition to the 1 year mark, I recently learned that OW is now single. So, I'm on edge about the possibility of her contacting my husband now... I trust that HE won't contact HER... but I don't trust HER.


THIS is why I am not in favor of gun control. She wouldn't dare come near him if you had a 38 snubnosed Colt pointed at her slimy kisser.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



bfree said:


> THIS is why I am not in favor of gun control. She wouldn't dare come near him if you had a 38 snubnosed Colt pointed at her slimy kisser.


The one thing I am grateful for... there was never any physical contact. Neither his nor mine. She lives on the other side of the country and in my case, OM lives in Canada.... and we have no desire to ever meet them.

Oh...and the gun idea has merit. We have toyed with the idea of getting one. For protection, of course. Only issue we have is concern over what people would think regarding it being in our house...with the diagnoses my husband has. Believe me, that is the ONLY thing keeping us from actually getting one. And no, OW and OM are not the purpose for getting a gun lol.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> The one thing I am grateful for... there was never any physical contact. Neither his nor mine. She lives on the other side of the country and in my case, OM lives in Canada.... and we have no desire to ever meet them.
> 
> Oh...and the gun idea has merit. We have toyed with the idea of getting one. For protection, of course. Only issue we have is concern over what people would think regarding it being in our house...with the diagnoses my husband has. Believe me, that is the ONLY thing keeping us from actually getting one. And no, OW and OM are not the purpose for getting a gun lol.


I only have guns so when society finally collapses I can shoot the people I dislike with impunity.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Frick..get off your butts, get off the friggin computer and go do something outside. Start developing healthy habits.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



highwood said:


> Frick..get off your butts, get off the friggin computer and go do something outside. Start developing healthy habits.


Wow, highwood... I guess you missed that my initial post was a year ago... and things have greatly improved between us. Sorry, I'm not steady enough on my feet to "go do something outside" on the ice. We are spending more time together since this happened last year. Thank you for your concern, though. We're not perfect, but definitely better.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



swetecynamome said:


> Or is he talking about being on the forum? In which case, I stand convicted!


Even then. It's up and open... but I'm not always "here" 
Nah, I understand what she's saying... and she's right... need to make sure we're spending the time together so we make sure nothing like this happens again... ever!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

I know I came off being harsh but geez spending all day playing computer/video games is not healthy mentally and physically. If you are going to get addicted to a hobby let it be something like obsessed with doing crossword puzzles, or Sudoko at the very least.

Perhaps I am transfering some of my own issues I had with H..not that he played games but when he got back from his work trip in August 2011 until he went back to work in October 2011..he would spend hours while I was at work, online with his EA. I would ask him to do some simple thing around the house such as fix the towel bar in one of the bathrooms and he would not do it...because he didn't feel like it...I guess it took more energy than sitting on his ass and logging on to Yahoo Messenger. 

Good for you guys for realizing and making changes..

I remember I would come home for lunch, he would be getting off the computer and as I am leaving to go back to work after lunch he would be getting on again..three hours later when I would come home for the day he would just be getting off.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

The one thing that would make me very unhappy with you Maricha is if you played Alliance. Then we can no longer post in threads together.

Lok' Tar!!!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



highwood said:


> I know I came off being harsh but geez spending all day playing computer/video games is not healthy mentally and physically. If you are going to get addicted to a hobby let it be something like obsessed with doing crossword puzzles, or Sudoko at the very least.
> 
> Perhaps I am transfering some of my own issues I had with H..not that he played games but when he got back from his work trip in August 2011 until he went back to work in October 2011..he would spend hours while I was at work, online with his EA. I would ask him to do some simple thing around the house such as fix the towel bar in one of the bathrooms and he would not do it...because he didn't feel like it...I guess it took more energy than sitting on his ass and logging on to Yahoo Messenger.
> 
> ...


I'd say my current "addiction" is sites like swagbucks and gifthulk and irazoo. Yea, still computer stuff, but in this case, I earn a little extra money to buy the "extras" we like to have...including birthday and Christmas gifts. 

I agree that playing games, etc all day is NOT healthy, not even in the least. Do I miss playing games in general? Yes. Will I ever play games again in the future? I really don't know. But I do know that IF we ever do, then there will be strict rules to which we adhere. Regardless, I don't see gaming in the near future anyway. 

And yes, highwood, I understand where you are coming from. It's very frustrating. Are things better with you guys?


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Things are okay...I still harbor alot of resentment about what he did...but you know I figure over time that should dissipate hopefully 

Curious what are these sites that you are on now..you make money off of those sites??


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



SomedayDig said:


> The one thing that would make me very unhappy with you Maricha is if you played Alliance. Then we can no longer post in threads together.
> 
> Lok' Tar!!!


Sorry, Dig... the only Horde I cared for was Thrall. Ok, well, MAYBE I kinda liked how the B.elves looked...But my main (85 human pali), as well as about 4 more 85s by the time we stopped playing, were Aerie Peak alliance. We did start a few toons on Area 52, Horde a few months before quitting. was looking forward to Pandas, but quit before it came out. I do have some friends I miss on there... real friends, who have gone through the same/similar things I have mentioned here. And I was able to talk very easily with the wife, especially. 

But, anyway, any future gaming would definitely be limited... and ONLY when together. Groups together, guilds together, and if unable to raid together, then side by side, regardless...AND logging ALL conversations.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



highwood said:


> Things are okay...I still harbor alot of resentment about what he did...but you know I figure over time that should dissipate hopefully
> 
> Curious what are these sites that you are on now..you make money off of those sites??


In the form of gift cards, in my case. But yes. searches, watch videos, complete offers, etc. And you earn points which you can convert to gift cards... I believe all of the sites offer paypal cards as well. I paid for Christmas gifts only with gift cards earned through those sites... I believe I earned over $400 in Amazon cards last year...


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

You have the same right to be upset as he does. But, if you hold onto this anger, it will affect your thinking, therefore the way you behave, thus your marriage lifespan.
I have been there with a previous SO. It would be hard to explain the damage an online EA does to a relationship. Everytime your SO sits there, focus at "I donno who" has to say, the flirtatious chats, the confidence, the pics exchange...it feels terrible. I, for one, would be more likely to forgive a short PA than something like this. Both you and you're husband are equally guilty. Period. But from your other posts, I understand that now you are completely transparent and open with one another, which is great.
Now, get rid of that WoW addiction - it has proven toxic for your marriage, like any adiction. Why spend time with strangers on the internet, when you could spend time together, playing with your 2 children ? Come here to TAM if you need to vent..don't have EAs on private chatrooms. 
So,yes you have the right to feel angry, but it's time to let go of anger. Forgive yourselves and each other and move on.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

As you said, Hortensia, we are transparent now. We haven't been playing any online games since last year. I said I miss some of the friends. Not THOSE friends, but others. We do spend time with all three of our kids. As I said above, this was all a year ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> Sorry, Dig... the only Horde I cared for was Thrall. Ok, well, MAYBE I kinda liked how the B.elves looked...But my main (85 human pali), as well as about 4 more 85s by the time we stopped playing, were Aerie Peak alliance. We did start a few toons on Area 52, Horde a few months before quitting. was looking forward to Pandas, but quit before it came out. I do have some friends I miss on there... real friends, who have gone through the same/similar things I have mentioned here. And I was able to talk very easily with the wife, especially.
> 
> But, anyway, any future gaming would definitely be limited... and ONLY when together. Groups together, guilds together, and if unable to raid together, then side by side, regardless...AND logging ALL conversations.


I love my undead warlock. I heard they're going to upgrade the graphics on the older races to give them more detail. Can't wait.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> As you said, Hortensia, we are transparent now. We haven't been playing any online games since last year. I said I miss some of the friends. Not THOSE friends, but others. We do spend time with all three of our kids. As I said above, this was all a year ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


so, you are on the right path to recovery. But you have let go of bitterness. You did wrong, he did wrong, it's time to forgive. 
You can have friends, humans are social beings. Just avoid those inappropiate, private friendship with males that you feel deep inside that you're "Not Just Friends ". You know what I mean  Keep being transparent with each other at all times, allow one another to see all chat sessions. If a friendship is found inappropiate, terminate it. Develop new hobbies, that enables to bond with each other rather than others. I think you're doing great so far...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



bfree said:


> I love my undead warlock. I heard they're going to upgrade the graphics on the older races to give them more detail. Can't wait.


Damn, man... seems my thread is turning into Horde vs Alliance thread! :rofl:

Nah, AffairCare pointed out to me months ago, when we first quit (or took an extended hiatus) WoW, that it isn't the game that is at fault for any of it. And, there is no reason NOT to go back, if we so choose, providing we set up boundaries/limitations and STICK TO THEM. And, as one other poster pointed out to me in PM... faction change would be a good idea. Not sure how I would feel about switching my human pali to b.elf tho. But faction change and likely server transfer would be a good idea to ensure we do NOT run into the others...


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> Damn, man... seems my thread is turning into Horde vs Alliance thread! :rofl:
> 
> Nah, AffairCare pointed out to me months ago, when we first quit (or took an extended hiatus) WoW, that it isn't the game that is at fault for any of it. And, there is no reason NOT to go back, if we so choose, providing we set up boundaries/limitations and STICK TO THEM. And, as one other poster pointed out to me in PM... faction change would be a good idea. Not sure how I would feel about switching my human pali to b.elf tho. But faction change and likely server transfer would be a good idea to ensure we do NOT run into the others...


We could start a TAM WoW guild and look out for each other. It would have to be horde though.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



bfree said:


> We could start a TAM WoW guild and look out for each other. It would have to be horde though.


Nordrassil server.... 

Lok'Tar.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



SomedayDig said:


> Nordrassil server....
> 
> Lok'Tar.


I'm on Exodar

Zug-zug


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Okay I confess... Dear Hubby and I are utter gamer geeks. We play WoW, Diablo, LOTRO, and DDO. [If you don't know that's World of Warcraft, Diablo, Lord of the Rings Online, and Dungeons and Dragons Online.] In addition we play ADD (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons) on "paper" and we have since high school....AND we go to Tolkien movies and read the Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and the Silmarillion every year. We are also huge Monty Python fans. OY...we're practically stereotypes!

Thus, on WoW we have both horde and allliance lvl 90 toons and we've played Mists of Panderia. My alliance mains are a resto-boomkin nightelf druid and an elemental-resto shaman. My horde main is a blood death knight, believe it or not! LOL And we play on Proudmoore and Khadgar. 

However, just recently I started an all-paladin alliance guild on Dawnbringer. With the "good aura of good" that surrounds everything paladin, that may be a place to have a TAM guild. What do you think?


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## kokonatsu (Feb 22, 2013)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

if you want to keep gaming, I have two words for you:



board games. 

:smthumbup:


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

You know, Dear Hubby and I have gamed for years successfully and here's how:

We only game with each other. 
We also game with his brothers. 
We do not do dungeons or PUG and then chit chat with others
We use the game as a mutual interest we share.
We only play after work, after dinner, when we have free time
We only play until bedtime
I help him get achievements or things he wants...
He helps me get achievements or things I want
I'm not on there to "socialize" with others...I'm there to be with him.
He's not on there to "socialize" with others...he's there to be with me.
We don't ignore each other in order to play.
We learn about our classes etc. together... so we like study together!
When we play, we are in a party with each other and play in the same area. 

Finally...we've been playing for a long, long time. Individually if one of us were to die for example, we would both still play because it's a hobby we both like. BUT I work a full time job and it doesn't interrupt my work. Dear Hubby is ill but he tries to do a few hours work and some housework. And we cook dinner together, and do Affaircare together... and then when it's time to kick back and "have fun for the night"... we play until a normal hour of the night and we go to bed and have a nice night


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Affaircare said:


> Okay I confess... Dear Hubby and I are utter gamer geeks. We play WoW, Diablo, LOTRO, and DDO. [If you don't know that's World of Warcraft, Diablo, Lord of the Rings Online, and Dungeons and Dragons Online.] In addition we play ADD (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons) on "paper" and we have since high school....AND we go to Tolkien movies and read the Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and the Silmarillion every year. We are also huge Monty Python fans. OY...we're practically stereotypes!


Except for the games other than WoW...this is me to a T. I still read "THE" trilogy every chance I get. Regret and I went to every opening night of the LOTR movies.

And I can quote Monty Python with the best of them.

I have 4 level 90's on Nordrassil...all Horde...this is a Horde household as tough as that may be to swallow. My main is an BElf Unholy DK, then a BElf Shadow/Holy Priest, BElf Ret/Holy Pally, and an Undead Arc Mage. My Troll Sub Rogue is 87. I couldn't bring myself to be anything but a Hordie, however your idea of a TAM guild of nothing but Pally's sounds fun. I may have to make just one Ally toon for a Pally.

But it'd have to be a Worgen. Cuz at least they don't look like such nice guys


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Well, since we quit before Mists came out, our highest level toons are 85:

On Aerie Peak:

Human pally (hopy/ret)
Draenei shaman (ele/resto)
Worgen druid (resto/boomkin)
Worgen DK (blood/frost)
Human priest (holy/shadow)

plus a few lower toons on the same server, including a mage.

On Area 52, we started horde toons together. We made sure our specs complemented each other AND our professions worked together as well. 


Yea, AC, I like how you and your hubby have that sorted out. 

I've thought of checking out SC2, we had the free digital download of Diablo 3 when we had the WoW annual pass, but my laptop didn't support it and he didn't want to play it without me. 
LOL I'd have to get another computer, I think, because of those earning sites I mentioned above 
I try to have it almost done by the time the kids get home from school. But regardless of whether I am done or not, I STILL make sure to spend time with them, and even stop what I'm doing when hubby requests my attention. He teases me about swagbucks and all those other sites... but he enjoys what I get with them!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



kokonatsu said:


> if you want to keep gaming, I have two words for you:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, they DO have WoW Monopoly....


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

This is becoming my 2nd favorite thread next to the reconciliation thread. AC, I love you. Will you adopt me? lol


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

LOL I am not old enough to be your mother


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Affaircare said:


> LOL I am not old enough to be your mother


Hmmm... well, then, you will have to be our sister!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



bfree said:


> This is becoming my 2nd favorite thread next to the reconciliation thread. AC, I love you. Will you adopt me? lol


We need a WoW support group. But not in a bad way of support. As in support me while I am trying to farm mats in Wintergrasp to make moneh!! Silly Allies always gang up on me :rofl:

Someone come up with a good PVE server and we'll all start a new toon and kick the crap out of some murlocs and many whelps.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



SomedayDig said:


> We need a WoW support group. But not in a bad way of support. As in support me while I am trying to farm mats in Wintergrasp to make moneh!! Silly Allies always gang up on me :rofl:
> 
> Someone come up with a good PVE server and we'll all start a new toon and kick the crap out of some murlocs and many whelps.


If it makes you feel better, I suck at PVP, so even if I was in WG while you farmed mats, you'd have kicked my ass easily.... 

Murlocs... am I the only one who gets annoyed by the sound they make???

Oh, hubby said even if we return, no raiding because he has no interest in having to learn the mechanics of the boss fights, etc. His main was a tank, so it was on him to keep aggro and on me to keep him up. Yea, yea... double entendre. 

Oh, and one pet peeve of mine... the bullsh!t of people saying "I'll brb...wife/husband/kid aggro"... Screw that sh!t! Shows where their priorities are!


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

I suck at tanking and am a marginal healer at best. Pretty good dps though. I suck at PVP as well. I only got into WoW a couple of years ago because my sons were heavy into it. We would team up and do dungeons together. And of course we are all Horde. I stopped for a while until MoP came out and when I went back I found they had changed the characters a lot. So I'm still re learning how to use my toons. Can we start a WoW club on TAM?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



bfree said:


> I suck at tanking and am a marginal healer at best. Pretty good dps though. I suck at PVP as well. I only got into WoW a couple of years ago because my sons were heavy into it. We would team up and do dungeons together. And of course we are all Horde. I stopped for a while until MoP came out and when I went back I found they had changed the characters a lot. So I'm still re learning how to use my toons. Can we start a WoW club on TAM?


I'm sure one could be started lol. Yea, a LOT was changed. So, you didn't get much into Cata? I was so lost between LK & Cata. I found my bearings, eventually.... but I LIKED LK... A friend told me MoP is decent though.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> I'm sure one could be started lol. Yea, a LOT was changed. So, you didn't get much into Cata? I was so lost between LK & Cata. I found my bearings, eventually.... but I LIKED LK... A friend told me MoP is decent though.


Honestly we just did lots and lots of dungeons so I don't know what we got into. lol I think I left off somewhere in outland and was trying to do a few quests to level up my warlock. Other than my sons I didn't interract too much with others so I'm not as up on the lore and the stories as much as most. I just kind of went along killing stuff and hoping not to die too often.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

Unfortunately, I was a heavy duty raider. Like I said, at one point I was the #3 Unholy DK on my server. It's kinda sad to admit that actually!! LOL My priest was a good healer all through Cata and a little of MoP (as I levelled). Did tanking during LK and some of Cata, but the Cata heroics were tough and I hated the aggro I got if we wiped...regardless of junk heals.

I'd be up for running a few instances with a small group, but no more raiding. Like your hubby said M...I am so not interested in learning mechanics of the fight any longer. Those days are long gone. Sitting in a hotel from 8am til 2am with the curtains closed and a bottle of whatever booze next to me.

MoP is fun cuz I like pandas. We could all literally make a pandaren toon and start from the beginning. Unfortunately, I know all the quests to power level and could literally go from 1 to 50 in less than a week. I hate that I know the damn game that well...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

My friend, my hubby and I would level our toons in instances when we wanted to level fast. No need to quest much once we hit 15, I think it was? And he would push me to stay on track when we were leveling 

Hey, the way I see it, you can gear up fairly decently by doing instances and making gear and even buying some gear. I never felt the need to be the best.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

I just loved the interaction with my boys and the very infrequent times when I did better than them.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*

You guys are so cute. My gosh... WOW geeks!! 

Dear Hubby and I play with his two brothers, and let's see ... several of our kids play various games too including WOW, so we get little 5's together pretty easily if we want. I love doing dungeons, and shoot in the course of my life I've been a tank (obviously my Blood DK) and I've been DPS, but really I specialize in healz. I've actually got one of every class of healer! 

Man... I can not believe what a gamer I've turned into!!

Anyways, I can not PVP for my life. I've tried cuz I wanted that Children's Week achievement to get the drake...but MAN I can not get all the way through it!! Plus I don't have a killer instinct: I want to heal people! LOL Okay I've done some PVP for gear and whatnot but I am horrible at it. One thing is sort of nice though...they always need healz in those PVP "calls to arms" so I go healz ... get slaughtered... rinse...repeat. 

Sooooo you'all want to do a WoW thread or how do you want to do a "support group" here? And how do you want to support each other? I like the idea because WoW itself is not what does the harm, it's the person who PLAYS the game. In and of itself, it's just a game.


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> When we were talking about that, I know I brought up not getting the attention I needed from him. I am certain that's not the whole problem, but a part of it. With his depression, and the other diagnoses he has received, he hasn't been able to as well as he used to. And, when that started to diminish, I turned to other men instead of focusing on the kids, myself, and making sure I was there for him. By not being there for him, it drove him further into depression which pushed me further away.
> 
> No, I am not saying he is to blame. I am saying *I* should have focused on the family, or turned to a trusted female friend who could have helped me through this. But I didn't. I am sure there is more to it than that, but it's a start.
> 
> And I understand WHY he turned to K2 when I was checking out. I just am not sure why he doesn't acknowledge it for what it was. Maybe because he always maintained that stance against flirting and now he knows he went down that same road, just not as far?


I got here REALLY late - but you have this in your signature link, and after reading the whole thread I felt I ought to respond. 

I ended my first relationship after my boyfriend cheated on me physically (and told me he had)... but that wasn't the whole story. 

Around then, I did spend a lot of time online talking to other people (male and female). There was one particular guy I chatted with, and although we didn't have sexual discussions, the amount of time we spent talking was excessive. He made me feel positive, happy. Though was just a friendship (i.e. not because he was male - just because he was a person I talked to a lot), it interfered with my relationship. 

The Ex-BF didn't use it as an excuse at the time, but later mentioned that he felt distanced because of the amount of time I spent talking online. Fair enough. 

In our case, it was better to split up - we're both happy now leading our separate lives. He's actually my lawyer now if I ever need one - haha. But, we were young, and things are different when you've grown up and had kids. So I don't know how helpful I can be. 

My personal thought: Given all the circumstances, it doesn't matter if he was "cheating" or not. You can only move forward, and I think the way to do that is to learn how to make each other feel positive and involved. Resentment could disappear if you can find ways and reasons to love each other again.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Faiora said:


> I got here REALLY late - but you have this in your signature link, and after reading the whole thread I felt I ought to respond.
> 
> I ended my first relationship after my boyfriend cheated on me physically (and told me he had)... but that wasn't the whole story.
> 
> ...


Ok, first point...yea, a bit late... like, a year. But no worries. 

Second, it wasn't "cheating"... it was cheating. There are no quotes. Emotional cheating is just as damaging as physical, as has been evidenced by multiple threads on here. By calling it "cheating" it feels like an attempt to diminish my feelings over the whole situation, as well as his. By calling it "cheating", that implies that there was nothing wrong with what I did, when there absolutely was...same with him. It was emotional infidelity, which absolutely interfered in our relationship with each other.

Now, third... you said you had a friend you were chatting with, and that talking, even without it being sexual in nature, interfered in your relationship? Was there any discussion you never wanted your BF to see? Did you talk about your friend all the time? See, emotional infidelity isn't JUST sex talking with someone else. It is also leaning on someone else, other than the SO, for emotional support. And when it comes between the couple, then it is, in my opinion, as well as many here, an emotional affair. 

You said it doesn't matter if it was "cheating" or not. Actually, it does. If I say he wasn't cheating, then it means I wasn't cheating, and he had no reason to get upset over it..after all, we were "just friends". But that's not the case. Sure, you have the physical proof with a physical affair, and emotional affairs are harder to prove... but it doesn't make them any less an affair. However, you are right about one thing...we are moving forward. We are one year past D-day, and I am almost to my 1 year TAM-iversary lol. Sure, we still have our spats... but we are doing much better now.


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

*Re: Don't think I have the "right" to be upset, yet at the same time, I do...*



Maricha75 said:


> Ok, first point...yea, a bit late... like, a year. But no worries.
> 
> Second, it wasn't "cheating"... it was cheating. There are no quotes. Emotional cheating is just as damaging as physical, as has been evidenced by multiple threads on here. By calling it "cheating" it feels like an attempt to diminish my feelings over the whole situation, as well as his. By calling it "cheating", that implies that there was nothing wrong with what I did, when there absolutely was...same with him. It was emotional infidelity, which absolutely interfered in our relationship with each other.
> 
> ...


I didn't put "cheating" in quotes to suggest that it was unimportant or not really cheating - only to note that the word means something different to everyone. And I agree that emotional cheating is just as damaging as physical. So, I mis-communicated by putting "cheating" in quotations. Sorry about that. 

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To answer your questions: No, there was never a conversation I wouldn't have wanted my BF to see, and yes, BF was aware of online friend (although I wouldn't say I talked about online friend constantly - just now and then). 

In my case, I had no moral concerns about chatting with someone else because it's typical for me to go through serial friendships where I'm close to someone for a while, then grow distant for whatever reason, and move on. At that time it was often a housemate I lived with, or someone online, or my sister (it's her by default if I drift away from someone else). I had a housemate for a while who did lots of work in the garage - fixing his jeep, building stuff - so we did a lot of projects together, for instance. He had a GF and I was in my current relationship, but neither were threatened by us even when we spent the entire weekend in the garage, and we'd all have lunch together and so on and so forth. I guess I see it as a "way of being" for me, and that doesn't work for everyone. It likely wouldn't work for me to be in a relationship where someone didn't understand that - but luckily I don't see that being an issue. (previous BF didn't suggest that I'd been unfaithful in any way - but maybe he did think so. I doubt I'll ever know, because we tend not to talk about relationship-ish stuff anymore. We've been for lunch a few times over the years but usually we just talk about our jobs, which is more interesting). 

I have learned from that whole experience (in fact, since then I've been in a happy relationship with one person for 12 years), and I think the important thing is to make sure the person you're with knows they're special to you, and the most important person to you. This doesn't always mean spending the most time with them, or only having sex with them, or only sharing your hopes and dreams and feelings with them. It's not any one particular thing - it's whatever works between two people - whatever is special between them. That and communication. 

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Anyway, I didn't mean to talk about me so much 

I think you and I use different terms for things, and it's a bit confusing. I don't really disagree with you.  
If either you or your husband think you cheated, then you did. 
If either you or your husband think he cheated, then he did. 
It's a breakdown in communication, not a lack of cheating, if you can't agree. 

But what I really meant to say is, it doesn't matter now who cheated and who didn't, because both of you have betrayed the others' trust in some way or other (if he didn't cheat, he betrayed you by not communicating clearly/not acknowledging your POV), and all you can do is move forward. It sounds like you're doing that part of things really well, which is a feat. Congratulations on the improvements, and I hope things only get better. 

But (disclaimer time!), we have different lives and perspectives  and you know what's right in/for your relationship, not me.


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