# Wife is moving



## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for 17 years and we have no kids. I thought we had a good relationship; we do a lot of things together and spen most of our free time with one another. A few weeks ago my wife began acting differntly towards me. I found out that she is planning on moving out of the state and she booked a weekend flight to her new location without telling me. Obviously I was upset. this was a couple of weeks ago. She said she had been thinking about it for a while and just went up to check things out. I suspect it is another man. Since then I got the I'm not in love with you anymore business and she has set a date to move 1000 miles away in a couple of weeks. So I went to an attorney to file for divorce. When I approached her about it she said she didn't have to sign anything and isnt going to sign anything. What's going on here?


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## hldnhope (Apr 10, 2012)

There is ABSOLUTELY something else going on here...why/how did she decide where she is going to move to? You may want to be proactive from this point on....check cell records and e-mail accounts!!!!


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

Yes, I'm sure something else is going on. I didn't want to make the initial post too long so I didn't get into any specifics. It is about 4 hours from her parents house and she claims she wants to be closer to them. She has a male classmate from high school on her FB page that lives in the town she is moving to. Up until about 6 weeks ago I knew her email passwords and her phone didnt have a password. She has changed her email password and put one on her cell phone. She said she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She secretly booked a trip out of town. I get it, you don't want me any more. So I ask for a divorce and she says no. She says she's not sure things are going to work for her there and she might want to come back. Does she know how selfish this is?


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## mrmagoo (Feb 21, 2012)

Man, feel for you bro. The writings on the wall. Let her know you are good with it and it hasn't been the same for you either. Be in a good mood, strong.... No crying. If you are strong as he|| she will wonder. Must present absolute lack of weakness in the most horrifyingly difficult time in your life, that may make her think, maybe not. Buy u have no kids, makes it much less complex. Forget about how much you love her and all that if you possibly can. Must reprogram yourself sir, it's the hardest thing in the world but shes been likely doing it for years.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

Thanks Mr Magoo. this has been going on for 4 or 5 weeks now and I have remained strong. No crying no pleading. I have given every indication that I am moving on too. She seems ok with it. When asking about her moving away but not getting a divorce I asked "so you want me to wait around until you decide if it's going to work for you up there?" She said, "you're a good looking guy I don't expect you to wait around. Wow! The whole thing is quite bizarre, there's really no fighting involved. She brings me coffee in the morning and overall is pleasant. She's just moving 1000 miles away.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

If you live in a no fault state she might not have to sign anything, she moves away, you file and she is served or at least a service is attempted and if she cannot be located or she is located but does not respond then you can get a divorce by default, at least in most cases.

She'd just walk away from you, the house, her possessions and everything else just like that?

Wow I hope he's worth it.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

I do live in a no fault state. I spoke with my attorney and she said exactly what you said. The problem is all she has to do is reply and say she doesnt agree to the terms. I really don't want to piss her off because we are civil with one another right now and she could stand to hurt me pretty badly in a settlement should she choose.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

She's at least in an emotional affair (EA) with the guy. When is this little love trip going to take place?

Get a keylogger on the computer ASAP! Also get copies of the cell pnone records and look at the number of texts/calls to specific numbers.

Is it at all possible that they could have hooked up already? Could he have come to town?

Get a voice activated recorder (VAR) and put it under her car seat with heavy duty velcro. Cheaters feel secure talking in their cars

ILYBNILWY is right out of the cheaters handbook. They say this to justify thier affairs.

How old are the kids? Ask your lawyer if her leaving town is abandonment.

Also, close all joint credit cards you have with her. Does she work? Remove half the money in any joint bank accounts you have and put it in accounts with only your name. Do not help her fund her affair!

Find out who the other man (OM) is and expose to his wife/girlfriend but don't tell her you're going to do it.

Expose the affair to her family too and his also

Go on the offensive here. As others have said, do not show weakness. No begging or pleading with her. Tell her that if she leaves on this trip, she shouldn't bother to come back. While she's away, move all of her stuff into a storage unit or offer to ship it to her parents.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

You want to be civil with your wife who is preparing to go out of town and boink another man?

Either way she gets half of everything!


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

She only gets half of everything if we both get lawyers and take it to court. She could potentially decide she wants to stay up there with the new man and it's feasible I could settle out of court for much less. According to my attorney due to the length of time we have been married it's possible I would have to pay alimony forever in addition to her getting half of everything. I'm willing to play nice for a while here and see what happens.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

She's going to go see her boyfriend for a while and check things out. She will most likely be back, say that she found herself and she really loves you and wants to be with you.
The real story? Her boyfriend just wanted a price of ass and is done with her.

You are her back up plan for when things go wrong in her affair.
Tell her that she only leaves you once.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Great job on fighting this affair. The quick fileing was great, the no begging and show of confidence is awsome.

Now continue to investigate, look for info on OM (other man) and look for a OMW (OM wife) or OM GF. this tactic will make the affair more difficult once you expose to OMW/GF. Often this step will end the affair will the AP (affair partner) throws your WW (wayward wife) under the bus to save his own relationship/ marriage.

The investigation and proof you get will also prevent you from looking like the bad guy from family and friends. You WW will rewrite the marital history to prevent looking like a cheat/adultorous wife.

Again you have a few more step to do to make this affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable to continue. 

Even though you are her fall back plan she is in a affair fog and it is your choice to take these steps or just let her go. After all no kids so work on your self and let go.

Just be prepared for her to come out of this affair fog and wants to come back, at least you will understand why. Grass isn't always greener on the other side and often when the affair sees the light of day it fizzles out.


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

If you're willing to move on, then do it. She wants to keep you as a backup, thats why she doesn't want to go through with the divorce. Its obvious she's having an affair of some sort. Just file and serve her. No point in being nice at this point. Perhaps slapping those papers down on her lap will snap her out of this fantasy that she's trying to build for herself.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

I believe I know who the OM is based on where she's moving to, where she grew up and OM's info on her FB friends list. If this is the OM he was divorced 2 years ago and has joint custody of his kids. He also has what appears to be some mental problems that were spelled out in his custody agreement. Such as, he needs to discuss his condition with his children with a mental healthcare professional present. He must visit his Doctor every 6 months or it will be reported to his ex-wife. If there is a change in his condition his ex-wife is to be notified etc.. Not positive this is the OM but everything points in that direction.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya, when it come to these thing being nice is just another way the let her have her cake and eat it to.

IMHO getting her pissed is the tough love you need right now the sooner she feels the consequence for her affair the better, but thats just me.

I'll tell you one thing, once you start getting in the way of her affair theres no stopping how mad and angry she will be towards you.

No. 1 rule, get OM out of the picture and you might be able to save the marriage if you want to, but with no kids what would be the point after all?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Whatinthe said:


> When I approached her about it she said she didn't have to sign anything and isnt going to sign anything. What's going on here?


She`s most definitely in an affair but that doesn `t mean she`s ready to let go of you yet.

Continue with the divorce...it`s all you can do.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

SRN, see post #7 regarding why I don't file for divorce. Also, she is not going out of town on a trip. She is MOVING 1000 miles away.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Are you interested in other ways to confirm this?


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

Sure, what options are there? I will say at this point my main concern is trying to retain as much of my assets as possible. If she wants OM and doesnt want me anymore I accept that.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

keylogger for starters


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I agree with everyone else. Go forward with the divorce. The fact that she has done this with so little emotion tells me she has been planning this breakup for years. She probably checked out of the marriage years ago and probably before hooking up with the OM. 

Investigating and all is good when kids are involved and you want to preserve the familiy unit, but in your case I would let her go and be with psycho boy. She'll realize she made a mistake, but by that time you will have found a new lady and moved on.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and since OM's ex legally needs to know of any changes in his condition I would let her know that he has a change in his condition


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

I dont think a keylogger is going to work. She does all of her communication on a smart phone. Again guys, I'm not going to have papers served. All she has to do is reject the terms of the settlement. Right now we are reasonable with one another and it is feasible for me to settle for far less out of court. Trying not to let emotions and ego take over good sense.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Which phone is she using?


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

Droid.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Fair enough but like suggested, contact OMXW and inform her.

sync her phone with a computor, mabye she doent lock it, so just try looking at it when she asleep.

At the end of the day it sound like you want to keep it simple and easy so just keep your mouth shut, help her pack.

Saving a marriage is niether simple or easy and there is no nice way to fight an affair.

Lets us know when you want to fight this affair.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

many smartphones can have the text messages extracted, including deleted ones- google the phone model with retrieve texts and see if yours can be done


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Do you know if it has a sim card?


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

Thanks Guy. If I thought there was an effective way to fight it I might but in 9 days there is a moving truck showing up at my house. Fighting this thing from 1000 miles away seems a little silly. As far as the phone goes it is always locked. I want to thank all of you responding for your support. I havent really spoken to anyone about this.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm not that familiar with the droid. I'm sure there is a slot for the sim card but I don't know where its at and I'm not sure if she has one. If I can get a few minutes with her away from it I'll check it out. Can I just dump info onto my laptop?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I just googled it have a look at this,

Recovering deleted text messages.... - Android Forums


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Also, although your state is no-fault but will filing it for adultery make any difference in alimony/settlement?


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

Thanks Keko. I might give it a try.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

No, adultery has no bearing on the settlement in the courts eyes.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Can you quietly start cashing the assets? You could try getting advice from an accountant/lawyer to do it without liability.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Whatinthe said:


> I'm not that familiar with the droid. I'm sure there is a slot for the sim card but I don't know where its at and I'm not sure if she has one. If I can get a few minutes with her away from it I'll check it out. Can I just dump info onto my laptop?


If it has a card (& it probably does) just remove it from the phone, insert it into your laptop, drag the entire contents of the card onto your laptop and replace the card.

I don`t know what info exactly this will give you (depends on the phone) but it can`t hurt to have it.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

I have already moved some assets that are in an account in my name only. My primary concern is the ownership in my company. She would be eligible to half of the value of my portion of ownership.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Can you sell your company to a trusted family member for say $1? Just throwing ideas.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

It won't work keko. The law has safeguards


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

If she is using facebook to communicate and you have an android phone, try faceniff app. It worked for one poster


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## mrmagoo (Feb 21, 2012)

You're right, keep it civil and get that divorce asap. No fighting, no yelling and screaming. Hardest thing will be to stuff all of those feelings of "I love you" and marriage vows and junk. No kids, shes definitley headed out, let her, support her, get that divorce and be happy with it. She could come back, maybe not, it can't be your concern. If you love something set it free as cliched as it is.... But be nice, and try and get through this D with as much of your stuff as u can. Being nice will make this all much cleaner and faster. Think of it as the chance of a lifetime. Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? Of course you don't. Look forward to the single life, live on your own terms and prevail, but be nice.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

Thanks MrMagoo. That pretty much sums up my position.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

This should be an interesting week. A few months ago my wife booked a trip to visit her parents. That trip is this weekend. I am very close to her parents and they like me a lot so I have decided to go see them one last time. I don't believe they have a clue anything is wrong at this point. We get back on Sunday and my wife will be leaving Monday.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

To the people that suggest liquidating marital assets, know that most courts look back a year or two and frown highly upon this sort of thing.


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## Whatinthe (Apr 27, 2012)

That is correct Sharkee. I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. I'm not trying to rip my wife off, I am however looking out for my best interests. There is a difference.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Whatinthe said:


> I do live in a no fault state. I spoke with my attorney and she said exactly what you said. The problem is all she has to do is reply and say she doesnt agree to the terms. I really don't want to piss her off because we are civil with one another right now and she could stand to hurt me pretty badly in a settlement should she choose.


Stop worrying about pissing her off and reclaim your sack. This woman has no respect for you if she would just move far away without telling you in advance. There is also the possibility that she is trying to play games with the assets (spend money now of that she would have only gotten 50% later).

You have no kids and are lucky in that respect. Protect your assets, cancel or freeze and joint liabilities, and get an attorney on board today. I can already see the train wreck coming - money is spent on moving expenses, a vacation with her new man, a new apartment or home, etc. You go to claim your half and she says "well the money is spent and I am just getting by on my own". Then what will you do?

I agree that she does not have to respond to any sort of court filings and what not. But, then you petition for a default judgment IIRC. So she will be in a situation where she will have to either risk the default judgment or defend a lawsuit from 1,000 miles away. If I were you I'd press this advantage to get a favorable settlement (not screwing her over necessarily, but getting a reasonably quick, fair settlement and moving on with your life). If your attorney will not press this to your advantage, find a better attorney.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

keko said:


> Can you sell your company to a trusted family member for say $1? Just throwing ideas.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


<Cough> Fraud <Cough>

Seriously, and I learned this from my legal team, appearances can matter. If you pull this, a smart attorney should figure it out. You will have to give it back, and you may be penalized for your actions to boot.

Also, consider what may happen if there is a trial. There may come a point where you and your wife are disputing some issue and pose different accounts of facts. A judge is going to have to decide who is more likely to be truthful and go from there. Do you want to be the scammer who cannot be trusted, or the guy who does everything above board?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Which is why he should consult lawyers/accountants/tax guys, etc. to get an idea what he CAN do rather then just hope for the best.


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