# Can't get him out of my head!



## Berry 44 (Jul 1, 2012)

Ok, this is the whole story. Please tell me what you think and any advice would be appreciated...
I met this woman (who is now one of my best friend) 3 years ago. We started to see each other and also to go out with our husbands. Our two couples have been friend ever since. Already 6 months after meeting them, I knew I fancied her husband but that was just pure fantasy. Years passed and very recently, her husband and I started sending texts to each other (nothing out of the ordinary as I am also good friend with him). But it has started to become innuendos afterwards from both sides, it was pretty innocent, borderline acceptable (in case somebody were to read these texts). Just 3 days ago, he actually sent me a text saying that he will miss me over the holiday (as I am going away for 2 months). And stupidely I replied that I would also miss him (which is true but...). Then I felt really bad the next day, thinking about my (girl)friend so I sent him a text saying that what I said was out of order. We sent texts for an hour basically talking about the situation and that nothing could never happen between us and what a shame it is but that's life for you etc. I felt better today after that but tonight, I wanted him to send texts but also did not want him to do so as I am so torn. Well, we sent texts to each other (gentle innuendos, reminding ourselves not to carry on as before, also silly things like "what are you doing now? I am bored" and I really loved it. I am now looking forward to more texts tomorrow but at the same time I feel it is wrong towards my (girl)friend- his wife). It is a tricky situation evenmore because a) things are not great between me and my husband, b) my (girl) friend has told me that she is not happy with him and c) he has told me that he is not happy with her. 
We agreed to stay good friends but do you think it is wrong to carry on texting each other ? it is not really the content that is bothering me as we just have casual conversation but more the frequency (22 tonight within 3 hours). I could barely face my (girl) friend today as I feel bad. But at the same I enjoy his texts. Any advice appreciated thank you.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I am guess part of the reasons that your marriages aren't great is because you are involved in an EA with each other.

You need to stop this friendship with your girlfriend and with the OM. It will only end in heartbreak.

Commit to only your husband and work on the issues between you.

Either that or do the respectable thing and divorce your husband.


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I'm surprised you're only concerned with betraying your friend not your husband.


----------



## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

OP, you keep mentioning that you feel bad for your girlfriend but what about your husband?


----------



## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

You are having an inappropriate relationship with your friend's husband. It is called an emotional affair. Think of it this way. You are betraying your friend and you are betraying your husband. You are also encouraging your friend's husband to betray her. 

You think it feels good now? Imagine yourself in a room with your husband and your friend. And that they know what you have been saying to her husband. Does that make you feel good? Proud? 

Do not use this other man's attention to avoid facing the issues in your own marriage. 

P.S. It's very likely both of your marriages are suffering because you are putting more emotional energy into your flirting than your legitimate relationships. Do you want to be the reason your friend's marriage fails?


----------



## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Berry 44 said:


> Ok, this is the whole story. Please tell me what you think and any advice would be appreciated...
> I met this woman (who is now one of my best friend) 3 years ago. We started to see each other and also to go out with our husbands. Our two couples have been friend ever since. Already 6 months after meeting them, I knew I fancied her husband but that was just pure fantasy. Years passed and very recently, her husband and I started sending texts to each other (nothing out of the ordinary as I am also good friend with him). But it has started to become innuendos afterwards from both sides, it was pretty innocent, borderline acceptable (in case somebody were to read these texts). Just 3 days ago, he actually sent me a text saying that he will miss me over the holiday (as I am going away for 2 months). And stupidely I replied that I would also miss him (which is true but...). Then I felt really bad the next day, thinking about my (girl)friend so I sent him a text saying that what I said was out of order. We sent texts for an hour basically talking about the situation and that nothing could never happen between us and what a shame it is but that's life for you etc. I felt better today after that but tonight, I wanted him to send texts but also did not want him to do so as I am so torn. Well, we sent texts to each other (gentle innuendos, reminding ourselves not to carry on as before, also silly things like "what are you doing now? I am bored" and I really loved it. I am now looking forward to more texts tomorrow but at the same time I feel it is wrong towards my (girl)friend- his wife). It is a tricky situation evenmore because a) things are not great between me and my husband, b) my (girl) friend has told me that she is not happy with him and c) he has told me that he is not happy with her.
> We agreed to stay good friends but do you think it is wrong to carry on texting each other ? it is not really the content that is bothering me as we just have casual conversation but more the frequency (22 tonight within 3 hours). I could barely face my (girl) friend today as I feel bad. But at the same I enjoy his texts. Any advice appreciated thank you.


You need to stop NOW. This is your best friends husband!! Work on your marriage and leave them alone to work on theirs. You are having an EA with another man. Nothing but hurt will come of this situation. Yes is is very very wrong. You need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and live with your actions. Stop NOW!!


----------



## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

Curious, have you considered that your husband could be doing the same with her? How would that make you feel? It is entirely possible (maybe unlikely, but still possible) that this could be the reason both of your marriages are having problems.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

You have already crossed serious lines...and you know you have. So, my advice is this: Stop now, or tell your husband and let him decide if he wants to stay with someone with no self control over such a serious issue.

That there is nothing "bad" in the texts means nothing. You and this other man KNOW the intent now.

If you don't stop this now, you'll be going down on this guy in a couple weeks or months, or starting a full blown affair, and then be crying to your husband about "it just happened! It was only once! I don't know how it happened, I couldn't stop it" after he finds out about it. :bsflag:

Stop being a "cake eater". Give up the other guy completely now, or give up your husband completely now. You can't have both. Every horny little housewife and guy who can't keep it in his pants all think otherwise when they start these things, because they'll be "smart" about it, or "won't take it too far" like others. Funny how eventually so many get caught, and DESTROY so many innocent people and marriages in the process.

Stop texting this azzhole. You think he's perfect right now because you're not living with him as his wife. I wonder if his wife thinks the same (especially if she knew this). 

Time to grow up.


----------



## Berry 44 (Jul 1, 2012)

Thank you everybody for your harsh words, I needed that. I will definitely end this EA tonight.


----------



## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

You got some good advice here Berry--I hope you ended it. Its easier than people think to get sucked into something like this. Good luck and I hope its over.


----------



## Berry 44 (Jul 1, 2012)

To those who replied to me. I sent this man a text this morning explaining that we could not possibly carry on like that etc. He agreed to end it as well and we said we will not see each other before I go on holiday for two months.

To those who asked, my husband knows perfectly well that if we did not have children I would already have divorced. He has been the wrong guy for me since the beginning but I kidded myself and thought it could work.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

unless your husband has agreed to an open marriage,doesn't matter that he's the wrong guy for you,it still makes what you did totally wrong. 
So you ended the EA,I feel like it's only a matter of time before you get your emotional and physical needs met elsewhere.

You should probably hope the EA partner doesn't confess to your "best friend" (i put that in quotes bc if she really was your best friend,you wouldn't have done that to her.).


----------



## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Stop IMMEDIATELY. 

Tell him your hubby read the texts (even if he didn't), and that he will read future ones. Tell him you love your hubs & don't want him hurt... so You are stopping.

THEN STOP. Period.


----------

