# The Car Again



## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

Now I know I may have a part in this conflict, but I posted before about how my husband proceeded to buy a car and I disagreed with the purchase. An argument started today when he got the plate and the tag for the car it says "In God We Trust" on it in stead of our county of residence. I informed him that I preferred it to have the county and how come he didn't call to ask (maybe we could have come to a compromise.) He stated that he thought it wouldn't be a big deal, and how much he dislikes our county, and he wanted to make a decision that he thought would represent both of us. Now, I have talked with him before about me putting certain tags and stickers on the car, but they were too female and he's a man, and men don't drive around with those things on their cars because people will think he's driving his woman's car. (Well, for one, we're both paying for it, so its both of ours car.) So anyway it lead into this whole argument about how I look down on him for not making decisions (um, where did he get looking down on him from, I never told him this, never told him he should make more decisions.) I did tell him when he makes decisions, (especially finanancial ones) he needs to know the budget and whats in the bank. I do look down on decisions that are made based on imaginary money and not considering a budget (I've never told him this, I've just informed him to start looking at the budget instead of being mad at me when I make a financial call because I know what the numbers are.)

Then he's been complaining about him not having spending money (the money he gave up to buy a car that was out of our budget.) But now that I still have money (For one, its not a lot of money) because I told him, I'm interested in paying for a car we can't afford, give up my spending money, and having no money to enjoy life-but we sure have a new car. So he doesn't understand this. And he still questions how I always have extra money. If he would look at the budget, he would know that.

Budgeting means, certain monies are allocated towards certain things, so if I set money aside for something and you ask me for something you didn't plan, try to save for, or consider budget wise, then yeah, we are broke, because the monies have been allocated.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, I wouldn't want to drive around with that on my plate either. Didn't know it was an option. 

I would be miffed too. Can you change it? I mean, if you wanted to?


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

In Georgia its an option and its not a religious thing because In God I do trust, but I didn't want it on the car. I just thought it wasn't cool for him to put something on the car he wanted, but when there is something I want to put on the car, oh its to feminine. He was actually about the get a hunting deer and I don't care for hunting. He's offered to change it, but thats not the point, the point is, if you get to decide what goes on the car, can I have something that represents something I want to say? Maybe thats being to picky and tit for tat on my part.



Darkhorse said:


> Yea, I wouldn't want to drive around with that on my plate either. Didn't know it was an option.
> 
> I would be miffed too. Can you change it? I mean, if you wanted to?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> but they were too female and he's a man, and men don't drive around with those things on their cars because people will think he's driving his woman's car.


:rofl:

Anyways it reminds me of when wifey used to be a big spender, a few hundred dollars gone in 1 day. However, as we were not getting anywhere with our arguments, I just decided "FINE! How about you manage our finances, then you'll UNDERSTAND"... and so she did, and managed to do a rather good job of it now and her spending got cut HEAPS.

Actually, does he work? =/


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

Yeah, he works. He just has this attitude, "well if the lights aren't getting cut off, then we aren't broke or poor". Um, there is more to financial planning that making sure the lights are on. Trust me, I have told him many times he could have the financial management back. He does not want the responsibility because he would have to face reality.



RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Anyways it reminds me of when wifey used to be a big spender, a few hundred dollars gone in 1 day. However, as we were not getting anywhere with our arguments, I just decided "FINE! How about you manage our finances, then you'll UNDERSTAND"... and so she did, and managed to do a rather good job of it now and her spending got cut HEAPS.
> 
> Actually, does he work? =/


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm... well that's a worry =/

He may have his reasons either then simply being childish about financial responsibility, or has he actually admitted he simply doesn't want to face reality?


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I made my exwife do the financial budgeting as well for the month, because years prior to our marriage, she would exhibit spending problems, always maxing out the credit cards, using the bonuses or taking 401k loans to pay down the cards, just to rack them back up next year. Emergencies would happen, and there was no money to pay for it. More, credit cards... Lots of debt settlement, every income tax return went to credit cards the entire 10 years of our marriage. Guess who got a hefty portion of it after divorcing? Yep, me. the one arguing tooth and nail to keep from getting into debt. The one foregoing the now in order to get those things paid off and off our back.
It was all just my lack of willingness to go do things,, though.. nothing about the reality of our situation...
When she wanted to take a cruise, in a difficult time in our marriage, I thought, sure, wth, time together would be good. Then I found out she wanted to bring her girlfriends, so I would be fifth wheel...
yay, money problems suck. Get Dave Ramsey tapes..


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

In a way he has said he doesn't want to face reality. His words: well I'm already mad now (having spending limits) if I look at the actually budget, I'll probably be even more upset.

He's all overjoyed that with my managing the budget, we have paid off a good amount of debt in just years time, he's paying his student loans, we both HAD spending money, and his credit score is better. He'll brag to his friends about how his wife got his score back up, but doesn't realize what that takes.



RandomDude said:


> Hmmm... well that's a worry =/
> 
> He may have his reasons either then simply being childish about financial responsibility, or has he actually admitted he simply doesn't want to face reality?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Looks like he has to grow up... personally, and don't take this the wrong way, but stop being his mum! Considering how overjoyed he is, yet not returning any favors he's acting rather spoiled.

Hell even a big spender like wifey who came from a spoiled rich background managed to grow up and take responsibility for our finances and now manages our budget, yet your husband doesn't even want to LOOK at the budget =/


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

maccheese said:


> Budgeting means, certain monies are allocated towards certain things, so if I set money aside for something and you ask me for something you didn't plan, try to save for, or consider budget wise, then yeah, we are broke, because the monies have been allocated.


I'm on your thread again, I hope you don't mind!

It certainly does sound like he needs to learn about being financially responsible. I'd suggest trying to be as supportive as possible whilst also handing some of the responsibilities over to him to take care of. 

What I learned about myself over the years, is that while I'm good at allocating savings and being strict to a budget, we've also benefited financially with the way HE approaches money too - he's a bigger risk taker than me. I'm virtually 'no risk' but that's not necessarily the best way to be. He also helps me live a little. I will only shop if I NEED to unless he encourages me, and ya know what? sometimes it's actually fun to shop and not worry too much about the budget. Try to strike a balance between you. If you come from an approach of resentment/frustration/emotional stress, you'll keep going around and around in circles over these things. Best wishes.


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## gidleydou (Feb 13, 2012)

Hi,
The forum discussing is very interesting. I would like to thank the members of the forum for promoting it. The Idea of managing and maintaining budget accurately is very important, But thinking of that the ideas or expenses of others or their ideas for us is not suggestible. There will be reasons and references from the experienced persons about the problem or for the expense. So, Proper management of the budget with a fine plan and some measures may lead to success and to save some amount for future use.


Budgeting at home
Financial Budgeting


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

This is why I would never share a car with my husband. 

Sounds like you need your own car. I wonder how he'd feel if you bought one for yourself? I highly recommend a sexy red convertible. :smthumbup:


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## The Gottman Institute (Feb 7, 2012)

@Random dude - Having the spender manage the money so they get the bigger picture and cut down on their own spending... That's an interesting idea. I like it.


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