# I need good solid advice



## jendietcoke (Jul 21, 2009)

My husband and I have been married for 2 years, we have been together for almost 8. We have 2 children together. We have been going through a very difficult time, financially and just getting along. Our biggest problem is his side of the family. His mother is very rude to me, hangs up on me if she does not get her way, almost has control of my husband still. I can't take it anymore. His behaviors are rude, he says mean and hurtful things. I don't want to have anything to do with his family or for my children to. I have considered seperation because I am so upset with his behaviors. Im not happy anymore. I'm beyond hurt. When we have an arguement he tells everyone and tells a story but his way, not really how it all happened to get people on his side and it just makes it worse. Is it wrong for me to want to leave?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Your MIL is rude and hangs up on you, your husband is rude and says mean things to you.

I'd say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, j. 

The financial issues are tough. Did all this appear in the last two years, or has he tended to be this way all along and the stress of the financial on top is just the straw that broke the camel's back?

How close do you live to MIL? Does he have sibs that are also attached closely to umbilical cord of mom?


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

If my in-laws (now ex in-laws) were not getting involved in my marriage, I would still be married.

So pretty much the same thing happened to me as did to you. In-laws getting involved especially the mother. Yes she hung up on me # of times. We had financial issues. Simply thing were messed up. She choose her mom instead of living with me and our kid.

Solid advice for you? Divorce is not as easy as it may sound. Same with separation. When I was with her, I thought separation is a better thing to do, but despite all I wish we stayed together. 

I would advice that you ask your H for a serious talk. Prepare yourself and tell him it is important. Ask him to go and see a marriage therapist with you. As for MIL try to ignore her for now. If he changes to you, then you change to her. Meaning don't even argue with her.

If you go through separation/divorce it will be hard and painful. Plus you have kids. Child custody may be an issue. 

Please try to work thing out and keep track of it as well. If everything fails at least you will know you tried everything you could and you won't be haunted by any guilt if you decide to separate.


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

I agree with Harris......Divorce is worse than death. My mother in law thinks her son is never wrong even when it is staring her in the face.

I told my mother (who is just as bad) to stay out of our business. There is no sence in her behavior. He should choose you....and he should treat you with respect.

Still....give it time and try to do the counseling. And be optimistic that things will get better. You can't lose.....either he changes and you are happy or he doesn't and you can cope.

As for your mother in law. Kindness on your part doesn't mean you are a punching bag...it just means you are above her childish behavior. You can't control her....but you can be better than that. And teach your children that that behavior is unacceptable. I don't blame you for not wanting your kids around her.....but if you divorce.....chances are that he will have your kids around her...without you there to protect them.

Good luck.....think about it.


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## goatz (Jul 21, 2009)

Hire a professional mediator to advise all 3 of you in the situation. He/she will make your MIL look like a fool and that will leave you and your husband left with the mediator. With the upfront attitude of your MIL the mediator will have a basis to tell your husband whats up.


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## SociopathicInLaws (Jul 25, 2009)

How's the marriage aside from the In-Laws? Is that the only problem?

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You just gotta laugh. 
Visit my blog at My MIS-Adventures with my SOCIOPATH In-Laws.


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