# My Couch Husband



## LiLLyByNM (Apr 25, 2011)

Hi everyone! Hope you all are having a wonderful day!

Let me first off my question with some information about my relationship... in hoping it will help me get the help I need.

My husband and I have been together going on 5 years and we just recently got married in March. He is my longest relationship. I couldn't see myself with no one else. But I seem to be searching for him a lot lately. We have a total of 4 children. One each from a previous relations and 2 together. We have full custody of the the two older girls from our previous relationships as well. But since I gave birth to out 3 year old he will not sleep in bed with me. First excuse was "I dont want to squish the baby". So I figured it would pass when I get the baby in her own bed. So I got pregnant again while on birth control and had another baby and now had both my babies in bed with me. We moved into a larger home and I got both babies out of my bed and into there own. So I invited him back into bed and he told me "the bed is too hard. I cant sleep in it". Another excuse. So we got our taxes and spent over a week looking for his perfect bed. Well I still sleep alone. I have this huge king size bed to myself. Thats not the only thing that buggs me though. When we first got together he would hold me through the night. When we first met as well he owed child support and where i live if you are in child support debt you go to jail. He had a warrant out for his arrest and I got in an accident and he went to jail. So since then when we would sleep he would turn his back to me instead of holding me. ( I got so use to it that now I have to roll my pillow into the shape of his arm!!) 
So my feelings tword this is I feel neglected. I want nothing more to be held by him and have him sleep with me in bed. Not only that but I dont like having sex on the couch! To me its made for the bed! And too it have this huge wrestling ring (my lonely king size bed) and no one to wrestle with in it. I have told him it buggs me but all I get is an excuse. I have also been having this weird NEED to have him touch me in some way. This has been the past 2 days! I either want him to hold me, kiss me or even just touch my hand... Is that normal?
Please anyone I need someone to talk to about this. That is why im here. Sorry this is so long but its all what I need help with.
Please hit me up!!
=0)


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I spent time on the couch for a while - not BECAUSE of my husband, but because that's just the way it worked out at the time.

Hubby went to bed really early (like 6 pm), I was a night owl - I liked to watch TV.

So I would stay up and watch TV and invariably fall asleep on the couch even though I didn't want to and didn't intend to.

This caused resentment in my husband because he thought I was sleeping on the couch to avoid him and that was not even near the truth. It just happened.

But after he told me how he felt, I made it a point to go to bed "with him" and if I want to watch a TV show, I just DVR it.

I never fall asleep on the couch anymore.

Maybe there's "another reason" than simply because the bed hurts - wouldn't hurt to ask or find out.


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## LiLLyByNM (Apr 25, 2011)

Thank you Married!
I have asked him why he wants to sleep on the couch or why he wont sleep in bed with me. All I get is that he likes to sleep on the couch because when he was a kid that is what he had for a bed. and the new bed hurts his back too.
It has been an extreme self battle with myself. They whys of why he does it and the whats wrongs too. Like is there something wrong with me at night? Do I snore? Do I do something that wakes him? But I asked him and seems nothing wrong.
IDK... I think I will talk to him again tonight about it. But I dont know if I will get anywhere. Over three years it too long!!


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I agree. Ask him what the reason is and just listen and continue to ask for clarification. Refrain from talking as much as possible. Tell him what it means to you though in a loving and respectful way.



> NEED to have him touch me in some way. This has been the past 2 days! I either want him to hold me, kiss me or even just touch my hand... Is that normal?


 Its 100% normal. When my wife and I haven't been physical or had time together I get desperate for touch.

I also suggest BOTH taking the 5 long languages tests. The book is good too. They are quick and the 2nd link doesn't require giving and e-mail

Home - Five Love Languages
Love Languages Test


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I agree with the couch thing. I DO 100% get a better nights sleep on the couch. I sleep in the bed because its important to my wife and I need the physical touch and quality time. (my 2 love languages)


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## luckyman (Apr 14, 2011)

Have you tried saying "I don't have sex on the couch anymore." And then...don't have sex with him on the couch! If he is like me, it will only take a day or two before the bed begins to take on a greater importance in his life!

I am not much of a cuddler either. My wife had to insist, and then literally teach me how to snuggle with her. She had to say "put your arm like this...now, move your body like that..." I knew how to make love, but I was a very weak snuggler! I now cuddle with her before bed every night, but I needed help!

My wife and I had to get over this tendency that each of us had to expect the other to read our mind. She would pout and sulk because I didn't do something (cuddle, for example) and then a resentment would form. I didn't even realize that this was an expectation and I wondered why she was pouting all the time. When I learned what she was upset about, we had a long talk. We agreed that we needed to state our expectations, especially if the issue was important, so that we would know what the other wanted/needed.

Today, I have a much better understanding of my wife's needs and wants. She doesn't have to tell me what she wants/needs as much anymore. But it took a sincere effort on both of our parts to prioritize how we communicate toward each other.


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## LiLLyByNM (Apr 25, 2011)

Thank you all so much for what you have all told me. 
Luckyman I did the pouting stuff that didnt work. I am also not a strong talker so therefore I would write him letters telling him exactly what I wanted and need. I think I really need to just have him see how it effects me. 
I will try all of your pieces of advice! Again thank you all so much.


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