# husband said he is falling out of love



## oceanotter

How do you react when your husband tells you he is falling out of love with you.But he doesnt want to lose me he said.I am devastated and just dont know what to do anymore.Is there anyone here who has a similar problem.I dont know who to talk to anymore and I dont know what to do.There are so many problems I dont even know where to start.


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## butazez

My wife told me a few months back that she's not happy with the marriage anymore. I found out later that she had already found interest in another man prior to revealing this information. A few weeks after that, I found out that she fell in love with this other man.

She claims that this new man and I share her love equally, but I know in my heart that's not true.

Anyway, how did I handle it?

First, I cried a lot. I got depressed, and I could not sleep. I lost 20 pounds in two months (probably the best thing that happened with this experience). Then I started to be practical about it.

I still love her, and I went with the cliche that says, if you love someone set them free... blah, blah...

It's natural to be confused and hurt. By the time you accept the reality that your love is unrequited, and you can swallow your pride and move on, you will be on your way to healing yourself emotionally.

Good luck and be strong. You will definitely need it.


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## jumper21

I am that husband and I need a lot of help as well. I want to salvage my marriage, but more because of my children. 

The issues that I have is that she is a phenom as a mother but we are not compatible as a couple. She's changed so much. We don't have fun anymore, she doesn't listen to me, my opinions are neglect able, and she is rude to her most immediate family, include myself (but extremely kind, beyond imagine, to others).

I think about it all night and all day about how much happier I would be with some one more compatible but I can't leave my children and that is why I am staying... for now. But if we didn't have our children, I would have been gone. 

So you should prepare for what he has to say and ask questions only if you are prepared to take the truth.


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## oceanotter

i just dont know what to do or say.I am in shock and I love him so much.I have bent over backwards to please him yet it doesnt seem like enough.My inlaws have caused alot of our problems and it seems the more time he spends with them the more distant he is from me.I want a husband who loves me and stands by me just like I stand by him but am I just kidding myself.He says he doesnt want to lose me so I am so confused.How can he fall out of love with me yet say he doesnt want to lose me.I just dont get it.


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## jumper21

You don't get it because you think it has to be one or the other. Black or white. He loves you and doesn't want to leave you or He doesn't love you and wants to leave you. 

The truth is... it's both. It just depends on which way he is leaning towards on the scale. 

Again, if you are willing to find out, (which you probably should, so you know if you should move ahead or not), ask the questions you can handle to accept the hear.


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## oceanotter

I dont know what questions to ask but I need to know so that no matter how it hurts I can move on.I dont understand how it can be both.All I know is I cant live like this anymore its like im in some nightmare and I cant wake up.


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## 827Aug

I can certainly relate to your post. For the past 18 months, my life has been in limbo. My husband says he loves me but isn't in love with me. We have been separated for several months and he still doesn't know what he wants. At least your husband says he doesn't want to lose you. There is a lot of hope in his statement. I see that as a desire to work on the marriage. Now would be a good time to read some marriage and self-help books. The book, "The Five Love Languages", could be helpful at this point. It addresses the problem of not being "in love" anymore and how to approach it. Also, don't hesitate to see a marriage counselor.


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## hope01

I hear you... my husband just told me the same thing...and it is VERY hurtful to hear that from someone you still do care for....

I could not even eat for days after he's told me this ...it was the worse thing I have ever heard! But the truth is, sometimes, people say these things out of confusion, frustration and just not sure of what to do... it's an instant response that justifies their current emotions... 
See how it progresses.... maybe it was one of those cases?
If not... then the next step is to figure out if he wants to TRY to even work things out... by yourselves or with a third part through some sort of counselling which I highly recommend... 

Good Luck!


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## div2wice

This is actually really common. People get married then they tend to go their different ways during the marriage. They're often too busy to spend quality time with each other, keeping things interesting and fun (doing date nights, etc) Often one spouse feels lost and lonely because the other is not paying enough attention to the relationship or the person.
It doesn't mean its over. It is a sign to re-evaluate the situation. He is telling you that its just not there for him anymore but you can get it back. You need to talk to him, ask him what he wants, what is missing, etc. Counceling would be a great idea as well. Be sure not to act in anger or bitterness though, I made that mistake. Honestly put 1000% into this and be as calm and understanding as possible, so you both can truly put this relationship back together.
Best of luck,
Pamela


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## oceanotter

Thanks everyone for the good advice.Iwill try some of these ideas and let you know how it goes.I hope that there is a chance to save my marriage.


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## Honey

oceanotter said:


> How do you react when your husband tells you he is falling out of love with you.But he doesnt want to lose me he said.I am devastated and just dont know what to do anymore.Is there anyone here who has a similar problem.I dont know who to talk to anymore and I dont know what to do.There are so many problems I dont even know where to start.


He is falling out of love with you, but doesn't want to lose you? :scratchhead: You should ask him what does he mean by this?..beause if I am going to stay on as your housekeeper, I want to be paid for it. Tell him that last I heard it is over one hundred dollars a year. Tell him that you can't have your cake and eat it too, buddy. You don't know how good you have it, until you have been on the other side of the fence, dude, then it's to late to jump back over. 

Do :iagree: with this..hell ya I do.


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## oceanotter

nothing is getting any better.He finds ways to be gone and i am tired of doing everything alone.His actions are telling me he doesnt want anything to be worked out.Its ironic I am a married single mother.Not exactly what I had planned for myself and the kids.Just dont know what to do anymore.Its like I am living with a stranger.


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## jumper21

I've posted in the past, but I am that husband. 
In my situation, there is a deep rooted issue that hinges on my wife that needs to change. 

My issue started with her being over weight. After 6 years of our marriage and 2 kids, I finally told her that it is difficult for me to say it but I have an issue with her weight. Now, if I were told something like that, I would try to change it. If she would say, "what can I eat? How can I exercise? I am going to diet. And look good for you." 
But instead, no effort has been put towards my wishes. To me, I feel like "I guess, I'm not worth it for her." or "She's so selfish."

I would have him just lay it all out on the table. If you want to know, be willing to change or be willing to find out. If it's not worth it for you to change, then at least you know.


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## desperado

jumper21 said:


> I've posted in the past, but I am that husband.
> In my situation, there is a deep rooted issue that hinges on my wife that needs to change.
> 
> My issue started with her being over weight. After 6 years of our marriage and 2 kids, I finally told her that it is difficult for me to say it but I have an issue with her weight. Now, if I were told something like that, I would try to change it. If she would say, "what can I eat? How can I exercise? I am going to diet. And look good for you."
> But instead, no effort has been put towards my wishes. To me, I feel like "I guess, I'm not worth it for her." or "She's so selfish."
> 
> I would have him just lay it all out on the table. If you want to know, be willing to change or be willing to find out. If it's not worth it for you to change, then at least you know.


This is just infuriating. My husband just did the I love you but I am not in love with you. Well, he certainly was in love with me when I was his arm piece but after gaining 70 pounds with HIS child and becoming ill afterward I am still 200 pounds and our daughter just turned 9 years old, by the way, my father told me I could quit calling it "baby weight", hmmm wonder how I picked the same sort of abusive man? Anyway, I was playboy beautiful my whole life and I have had two husbands share the opinion that overwheight is sickening, unattractive, and non sexual. Well guess what? The first husband I was with I met when I was 19 yo and he thought going from 117 pounds to a healthy 130 was outrageous. My second husband told me during our first sexual encounter that "he liked a little butter on his potatoes but didn't like it slobbing over the side", I was 140 pounds, strong, shapely, and healthy. Now, I ask you men..........what if your wife was in a car accident and her face was permanently scarred? What then? No more sex, repulsivity? what is love? Love is an action not a feeling. Do you love your wife or do you want a woman who won't age? Do you want children? Well, grow up. I am almost positive that she knows she is overweight. I am sure she is traumatized and puts herself down enough without needing any extra help. If you are so visually inclined then do her a favor and leave. I hear there are still 18 year olds looking for immature men.


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## desperado

By the way,
I started a new thread on this issue as it boggles my mind...hope you all can help clarify.


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## What_to_do1978

I'm going thought the same thing...my husband told me he's seeking counseling because he's not "happy" and he can't pinpoint the reason. He feels that our marriage isn't where it's supposed to be because he's not as in love with me as he used to be. He also says hes not as attracted to me as hes used to. He says he still loves me and cares about me but he's going through a lot of doubts about this marriage. 
My heart is totally broken, I've been crying for days, I can't eat can't sleep. Last night I cried and begged him not to leave me, he said I'd have to be patient and let him figure this out on his own. I told him I'd change if there's anything I'm doing wrong, he said don't change myself for him. He feels "uncomfortable" in this relationship that's wht he's seeking counseling. I know he's not cheating he swore on everyone's life. He told me not to make things worse for him by being too emotional, but I really don't know how to do that. I'm afraid counseling is going to drive him away more as he "figures things out". I'm also angry as he's leaving me hanging....but I'm also grateful he's seeking help instead of just packs up and leave.
I'm going to try very hard to stay calm and understanding, I suggested marriage counseling for the both of us also


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