# Why can't she say it?



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

So why is it that my wife cannot admit or even say that sex was good. OR she liked anything?
As she just finished having an orgasm I look her dead in the eye and ask "so was it good?" she responds "no". "Did you like it?" answer "no".
I don't do this often or ask but everytime it is the same answer. I know she likes it but she just can't say it. WTF?:scratchhead:


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Why do you ask? 

She is lying or she actually hates you. Either way it is ducked up behaviour.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Because she never will say anything about sex.... likes, dislikes, or any noise or communication. I just want something said so I freakin know.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

How do you know that your wife enjoyed herself? Did she have an orgasm? Was she only having sex to make you happy?

I was in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship, when I was 20. The jerk used to badger me for sex and call me names when I refused. I was never attracted to this fool physically; I was with him because I was lost and naive. 

When he used me, I lay there like a log or covered my eyes. I never understood how a man could enjoy himself when the woman was bullied into having sex. :scratchhead:


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> Because she never will say anything about sex.... likes, dislikes, or any noise or communication. I just want something said so I freakin know.


Is she communicative in areas outside of sexual ones, or is non-communication her general style?

Is she totally quiet while you're having sex, so you can't even tell by her actions that she is enjoying it? I know that I may not always be the most communicative about sex, but I am enthusiastic enough with my actions that my DH doesn't question me as to whether I enjoyed it.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Are you sure she had an orgasm?


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> How do you know that your wife enjoyed herself? Did she have an orgasm? Was she only having sex to make you happy?
> 
> I was in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship, when I was 20. The jerk used to badger me for sex and call me names when I refused. I was never attracted to this fool physically; I was with him because I was lost and naive.
> 
> When he used me, I lay there like a log or covered my eyes. I never understood how a man could enjoy himself when the woman was bullied into having sex. :scratchhead:


Well that is the point, I don't know if she did or does.. most of the time she just goes through the motions (at least that is the way I feel). Sometimes she will make a slight moan, if her breathing increases I usually know she is close to an orgasm OR her movements. Sometimes I can't tell if she did orgasm or not... so I will say something like "did you enjoy yourself" "was is good" " did you orgasm" "did you have more than one orgasm" just to check and make sure she is, and that I am hopefully fufilling her needs . 
I seldom get a direct answer and sometimes no answer at all. Sometimes it is a "no" but I feel she is just being sarcasitic.
I just don't understand why it is so hard to accept or verbalize? I truly want intimacy and to give "anything" to her,for her pleasure. 
I know some women just can't say anything good to or about their man..... I guess. Maybe it's me??


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

discouraged1 said:


> Well that is the point, I don't know if she did or does.. most of the time she just goes through the motions (at least that is the way I feel). Sometimes she will make a slight moan, if her breathing increases I usually know she is close to an orgasm OR her movements. Sometimes I can't tell if she did orgasm or not... so I will say something like "did you enjoy yourself" "was is good" " did you orgasm" "did you have more than one orgasm" just to check and make sure she is, and that I am hopefully fufilling her needs .
> I seldom get a direct answer and sometimes no answer at all. Sometimes it is a "no" but I feel she is just being sarcasitic.
> I just don't understand why it is so hard to accept or verbalize? I truly want intimacy and to give "anything" to her,for her pleasure.
> I know some women just can't say anything good to or about their man..... I guess. Maybe it's me??


She probably does feel like I bug her for sex and that I ask too often. However if I don't ask it could be months before I think she would mention it.... then she would just mention it.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Is she communicative in areas outside of sexual ones, or is non-communication her general style?
> 
> Is she totally quiet while you're having sex, so you can't even tell by her actions that she is enjoying it? I know that I may not always be the most communicative about sex, but I am enthusiastic enough with my actions that my DH doesn't question me as to whether I enjoyed it.


Her form of communication is to tell me all of her friends problems and expect me to listen intently. Just won't talk to me about us or like or dislikes with sex.
Sometimes I can tell if she is liking it, but mostly I don't know. More importantly then she acts coy or trys to avoid talking about it when we are done.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> Are you sure she had an orgasm?


When I do know she did have an orgasm sometimes I ask if she had more than one and or if she enjoyed it.
I tell her it was great for me and felt so good to be with her, etc..
I get crickets.....


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Either she's really holding back or she needs something else to get turned on.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

MGirl said:


> Either she's really holding back or she needs something else to get turned on.


I kinda feel like she is just holding back and has this wall up.... I just can't figure it out or understand.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Does she have a "women shouldn't enjoy sex" or an "I won't enjoy it" mentality?

It's easy to get caught up in your own head about something. If she's going into it expecting it to be boring and terrible, it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy for her.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Probably a little of both... I think overall she has issues of letting go and truly enjoying anything.
Not sure what I do or say to change things?? or if there is anything?


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## Silhouette (Mar 8, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> So why is it that my wife cannot admit or even say that sex was good. OR she liked anything?
> As she just finished having an orgasm I look her dead in the eye and ask "so was it good?" she responds "no". "Did you like it?" answer "no".
> I don't do this often or ask but everytime it is the same answer. I know she likes it but she just can't say it. WTF?:scratchhead:


These questions aren't exactly terrible, but IMO the first question should be "Did you have an orgasm?" 
And...I know lots of people say that that question shouldn't be asked, and they're right, but in this case I think it would be OK to ask just once, because it sounds like you're not really sure, and you do need the feedback. Communication, communication!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

So maybe you turn off the interrogation spotlight after sex for awhile.

She is not comfortable talking about it--right then.

Instead, when not in the sack some time ask her how your sex life is going. Better, ask her what does she likes. Anything she want to try?

If she still dodges, she has some kind of head trip she hasn't resolved.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

I don't think something like this is a simple fix. There may be better ways for you to communicate to learn a little about how she feels about sex and her comfort level, but as guarded as she is, she may have some major issues around sex that she would have to work out before she could "let" herself enjoy it.

Just so you know, many women have major issues around sex. It can be tied to religion, abuse, power, self image, etc. It's deep. Some women close off; others become permiscuous. If this post is correct and the concern genuine, you should know it is NOT you. As a woman very comfortable with her sexuality, it is not you.

I wonder how the rest of your relationship is. If all is good and if she is caring and responsive to your concern, perhaps individual counseling can help her address her issues.


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Is this problem new, or has she always been this way? For a woman we don't always have to have an orgasm to have great sex. It can be the timing, or what you said or did before, during or after sex. Actually for you to ask, which takes a lot of vulnerabilty, and her, your wife, not to even say yes, after making love to her husband, is cold on her part. Maybe she likes the power play. Next time don't ask her, just say thanks and see what response you get! LOl maybe that would backfire.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Maybe she's telling you the truth. Ever consider that?


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