# Confused and separated for 2 months



## lovestruk (Jan 14, 2013)

Hi people, 

I have been married for 3 years and now separated for 2 months. 
My husband is very proud of his achievements as a professional, 
as none of his family members are as educated. my family on the 
other hand has all educated people doing well for themselves. 
My husband has a great inferiority complex. Due to this he has 
maintained an upper hand in our marriage. his way or the high way. 
in the last 3 years, i didn't get any emotional support from him. 
he often says that 'i married you coz u r independent'. He doesn't 
want to take any sort of ownership of me as a wife/family. We used 
to have a lot of fights but he always proved that 'i proved him', that's 
why he behaved like that. I used to give in and apologies to get back 
things to normal, hoping that he will understand even though he might 
doesn't say the word 'sorry'. Didn't see any change/guilt in him even 
after i took full responsibility of all fights. later, when i decided to not 
give in, fights started becoming ugly. He used call up my parents to 
threaten me at odd hours at night! He doesn't listen to anybody in his family, 
doesn't respect my family/friends. 

We decided to stay separately, he wasn't looking for a place for about 2 weeks 
even after we decided. One day, i found condoms in his bag, he threw such a 
tantrum that night that started feeling unsafe in the house with him. Next day i 
asked him to leave the house. He has been holding me responsible for throwing 
me out of the house. And says that he will not reconcile and asks me to file a divorce. 
he has denied to give me share in a house that we own. He doesn't try to talk to me or 
anything, even when i tried to talk to him, he pushed me back. I don't want to go back to 
him but would like to have a final word with him before filing the divorce. How can 
somebody be so full of himself! Doe he never think that he could be wrong? He often 
told me that he loved me even after we separated. why doesn't he make an attempt to 
make it work.? Can someone help me out here? i am quiet confused.


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## behappy123 (Jan 5, 2013)

First off, he is a bully and bullies ALWAYS want to have the last word and win over their opponent which in this case is unfortunately you. He believes that YOU are to blame for the problems and that HE is only reacting to what you are doing instead of taking responsibility for his actions. My husband is exactly like this. I don't know if they know that they are wrong but won't' admit it or if they really do believe the crap that is coming out of their mouths. 

That being said, you really should look up doing a 180. Bullies want you to pursue them and be the one to initiate everything. The moment you take that power away from him, the stronger you will feel and the more he will come to you instead of the other way around.

If you show him that you can move on from him and that you are independent, he will take notice, trust me. And I am sure you will be able to sit down and talk to him about whatever you need to. 

If he wants the divorce than he is the one who should initiate it, not you, and vise versa. What excuse did he give you for having condoms in his bag? It seems to me that he got busted and that is why he reacted so negatively.


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## yolo62 (Dec 19, 2013)

Speaking from experience, I have a brother (now in his 40's) also suffers from a severe case of inferiority complex. Some years ago, his girl friend broke up with him just a few months after engagement. She could not put up with his unpredictable behaviour -at times very rigid (not a single word) and at times ugly outburst to show he was boss, he knew more than her, etc. She was in fact far better qualified and with a higher paid job, except that she was not particularly attractive looking. 

For many years, my brother has found it very difficult to make friends and has fallen out with family members including myself. His real problem is sitting down to listen, to have proper discussion or take advice from anyone else, as he is still stubbornly thinking he is always right - never a sincere word of "thank you" or "apology"! We are all very worried about him, but helpless as he does not want to be helped!

My advice is to cut your husband loose and get on with your own life ASAP, especially you two have no kids involved. I suspect that you two might not have enjoyed good sex either, as a young married couple should be enjoying. Anyway, good luck for the future!


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