# Seperated and in Limbo



## InnLimbo (Jan 4, 2012)

My husband and I have bee married for 2 yrs and we have been seperted for 6 weeks now. We are both just 25 and we have had allot of problems in our relationship from the get go. 

we have known eachother since we were in middle school and were bestfriends then found eachother again later in life and fell in love. 

I love my husband more then anything but he caused ALLOt of problems for me with my family. he has no filter and says whatever is on his mind no matter who is around. He drinks like a fish and smoke pot and cigerettes and is cheap as hell. but i cant say that to him or he will have a drama queen ***** fit. 

I have stuck by him through thick and thin. I think that all the resentment and anger that i had building up towards him made me do mean and vindictive things like not help him financialy. I thik I almost wanted to make him have to worrie about something on his own because i feel like I was the only adult in our relationship for so long. (not a very adult thing to do) 

Everything is the end of the world with him. I called him the day i left to tell him that i was getting our brakes done for 200 (that we had) and he freaked out on me and hung up on me. I was with my mother who hurd the convo and looked at me like i had 2 heads. that night when i went home I was ready for a fight I was pissed I thought that I was being considerate by lookig for the best deal and consulting him first. WW3 broke out and I do what I always do when we fight... I leave. I go home or go for a drive anything to get out of there. 
Its like there is no in between he goes from fine to crazy in a split second. 

he gets this ****y smerk on his face and in his voice and i just leave before i go nuts. 

He disapoints me all the time and the thing that really kills me that is I am so respectful with his family and controlling father and he could not even give me the same respect. Since we got married my parents told me that it is best that he does not come over to thereplace because my brother wants to kill him (they have already gotten into a fist fight) he cant even call the house and that is where i am staying. 

We keep talking about getting back together and then we fight again. 

I must say that for the past 8 months hehas been trying to change things but i just cant seem to letgo of all the hurt that I feel from before. THe messed up thing is that he was so drunk for most of it he cant remeber it. 

How do i stop all this. I want to be happy when things were better for a while we wanted to have a baby but had problems concieving. I went and got every test there was to see if it was me and he has done nothing. When i said that I want to know what we are dealing with even though i would NEVER bring a child into this world with the way our realtionship is now he refuses to find out if it is him! I love him but I am not sure that this marrige is worth saving. I am applying for jobs across the country because i feel like I just want to get away. from my family and his family and all this BS. 

What the hell should I do?

Thanks for reading.


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

You should go see a marriage counsellor and maybe he should go to AA meetings and cut down on his drink. A marriage counsellor can help you and give you a birds eye view on things to do to improve yoru relationship. i dont know how much they cost in the states but here in the UK its about $55 an hour for a good one.

They do help, i am going through a seperation at the moment although my wife now wants to move it to a divorce but since she seperated from me i have been going and i have improved so much, its a shame my wife wants to call it a day already and not even try and save the marriage


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## Tullytara (Dec 26, 2011)

Have to agree with Insomnia255, go to counselling it helps open the eyes of the other person and sometimes that helps and other times it causes more bother. I too am seperated and you will probley wonder why we are giving advice but to be fair getting advice from people who have been there helps, 
keep smiling stay strong and talk to friends dont close ur self off or u will start thinking everything is ur fault and its not it takes 2 to make a marriage and 2 to fix one


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## InnLimbo (Jan 4, 2012)

Thank you both for the advice. I agree that it would be a good idea to see a counsler, my husband on the other hand does not. 
He said they are not going to tell us anything that we dont aleady know. When i first brought it up his reply was "Who is going to pay for it".

I am starting to feel like it is all my fault. Maybe if i had done some things differently things would be different. 

Its hard to deal with all of this alone. I cant tell my family because in the event that we do get back together i dont want them to hate him even more. 

Maybe i should go to counceling alone.


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## Tullytara (Dec 26, 2011)

try it and see where it takes u, he may be afraid to go incase it shows him in a bad light, but you need to do whats right for yourself, keep yourself strong mentaly and thats the only way you are going to keep yourself togeather, 
Maybe he will see what he is losing and start going with you to sort stuff out, i cant say what is going to happen just do whatu feel the need to do


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

If you don't do marriage counseling, at least try individual counseling so that you can figure out what YOU want. Sounds like you're getting lost in the shuffle here. 

Also, you need some support. You can't talk to your family (same boat as you; Family of Origin and Wayward Husband have some conflicts and I'm caught in the middle already) because with the history between them, you won't feel like you're talking to an unbiased party. 

Therapy is good at making things about you and not about obligation to others, which helps you see what you want and need. 

Hang in there!


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