# Wife of 6+ years no longer IN love with me



## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

Hi All. First time posting in here trying to get some advice and feedback on my situation. I apologize if my story seems all over the place as my emotions have been getting the best of me lately.

I have been married to my wife for almost 7 years. We have two great kids (6 y/o daughter and 3 y/o son). For the most part, we have had a really great loving marriage (or so I thought). We never really got into any arguments and I did whatever I could to make sure she and the kids were well provided for. By nature, I am a quiet and shy person. I have been like that all my life. My wife is the more social and outgoing type so obviously when we first started dating, I was looked at as a really good listener (which I am). But as the years went by, my wife would try to get me to open up more and provide her with "quality conversations". I'll admit I did tend to keep my emotions to myself for fear of confrontation and really just didn't want to upset her. We would get into little arguments about the topic and each time I would tell her I would work on it.

I would make little improvements and everything would seem fine, then I guess I would slowly revert back to the way I was, unknowingly. This went on for some time until just recently where my wife just told me she reached her breaking point. She said that she felt like she was putting in all the effort into this relationship and I wasn't and that has truly hurt her. She did admit she let it go on for far too long. It got to a point where she accepted that this is how it was going to be and tried to move on. But recently she realized that she did not want this in a relationship and especially in a marriage. She didn't want to settle.

Obviously this hurt. I instantly knew this was not like any of the other times we talked about this. It was different this time because she openly said that she is not IN love with me anymore. Something clicked in my mind (finally) and I really started to open up to her and just be completely honest with all my emotions. She has told me she has noticed a change and appreciates it, but that it may be too little too late. She says that she has been dealing with this for so many years, so why did it take so long? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe I never realized the severity. Maybe I just got too caught up in the daily routine of work, domestic life, and family. Whatever the reason, I knew right now I had to make a change.

I apologized for hurting her and making her feel the way that she did. I completely love her and would never want her to leave. I asked her if she was willing to work this out with me, but she really doesn't know. Part of her does solely for the kids' sake. But the other part of her doesn't because she no longer feels a connection with me. It's truly hard to see the person you love unconditionally, not have the same feelings for you.

So at this point, she said she just needs time to figure herself out. She is no longer emotionally invested in our relationship. We don't sleep in the same bed and we are more like roommates now. This is not what I want at all but I do realize that I can't control what she will do. I can only work on myself and hope that she will come around. I am trying my best to give her her space and be as normal as possible around the kids but its hard. I am depressed. I don't want to lose her. I really am changing myself now. I've been reading a couple books, "The Five Love Languages" and "His Needs Her Needs" and it has been enlightening. I'm mad at myself for letting it get to this point.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I asked her if she sees a future with me and she couldn't give me an answer. She did say that she feels "stuck" here because we have a house and kids together. In past relationships, once she was no longer emotionally invested, she was done. Never talked to that person again. It's obviously different know because we have so much invested so that is one of the things she is struggling with. She has already talked about the fact that if we were to separate she would still like to stay in the same home for the kids. I don't know if I could do that. How can you live with someone you love so much and who you thought was your soul mate, and not be together? The thought of her seeing someone else would devastate me and I would think about that every time she would go out with her friends. I know it sounds selfish, but I can't picture that being a good environment for me. I'm already having trouble at work as I can't focus and have a hard time channeling all the negative emotions.

I miss my wife. I miss being affectionate towards her. It's weird, the roles have totally reversed now as I am the one pouring my heart out and she is barely showing any emotion at all. I guess I'm getting a taste of my own medicine but she insists she is not doing it on purpose. She's just been hurt for so long that she can't invest any more emotionally. 

Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

You are putting way to much blame on you. This rough patch can not be entirely your fault. You may have already answered but what would she do if you suggested counceling? Im sorry this is happening. I know it hurts like hell. Rejection is never easy. Personally..I think she is being selfish. It cant be valentines day everyday.


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## resetbuttonpushed (May 13, 2012)

Counseling. Talk to her, tell her you want to reconnect, and you know you can reconnect emotionally, people do it all the time, and that you have a lot going for you in your marriage, name the things you love about her, (not just things you do for her) but things that just make her, her.... and start to date her again, be happy around her, flirt, ask her to go to counseling with you. Tell her the books you are reading and what you are learning. Tell her the efforts you are making so she understands you are doing all you can before it is too late, and make sure, you ask her at the same time, if there is anyone else? Ask her if she can commit to giving her all for the next 6 months as you will, to reconnecting before making a rash decision that will affect your children forever.....


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

There is nothing you can do than. Its best if you move on and her as well (imo) her telling you that and from what you described just basically to me proves you two dont have a consummate love. 

Its my belief that you cant force someone to love another and you cant fall back in love with someone and it be a true love. I believe that you can like someone stop liking them and than like them again. But when it comes to a love that should ideally exist in a marriage the "true love" there can be no if and or buts. Basically while all that there ever needs to be is an attraction in order for a future relationship to ensue or for a relationship to exist in the present. I believe the "true love" is much more complex than that. You dont have passion, intimacy, and commitment you dont have all 3 because if you did you would not be at this place. 


Best of luck


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I feel this often happens among people they "fall out of love" try and make it work. Only for years later it to happen again and they realize they truly do not love that person. Love that is a true love is everlasting and wont ever fail. If you truly have (commitment, passion, intimacy) than your love and marriage will not fail because if it did fail than that would signify that one of the components is missing!. I feel a great deal of divorces that occur 10 years after the couple got married are cases in which one of the spouses comes to realize their exists no passion and no true love and all they have had that keeps them together is intimacy and commitment. A lack of passion in turn leads them to question the commitment.


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

Ansley said:


> You are putting way to much blame on you. This rough patch can not be entirely your fault. You may have already answered but what would she do if you suggested counceling? Im sorry this is happening. I know it hurts like hell. Rejection is never easy. Personally..I think she is being selfish. It cant be valentines day everyday.


I did suggest counseling but she is not entirely sold on the idea. We are actually really open with our communication at the moment and just let everything out. But I agree that some guidance would definitely be beneficial. I think if I just go ahead and schedule a session she will go


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

mma2012 said:


> I did suggest counseling but she is not entirely sold on the idea. We are actually really open with our communication at the moment and just let everything out. But I agree that some guidance would definitely be beneficial. I think if I just go ahead and schedule a session she will go


Do it. You have nothing to lose, do you? 

Have you done any reading?


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

resetbuttonpushed said:


> Counseling. Talk to her, tell her you want to reconnect, and you know you can reconnect emotionally, people do it all the time, and that you have a lot going for you in your marriage, name the things you love about her, (not just things you do for her) but things that just make her, her.... and start to date her again, be happy around her, flirt, ask her to go to counseling with you. Tell her the books you are reading and what you are learning. Tell her the efforts you are making so she understands you are doing all you can before it is too late, and make sure, you ask her at the same time, if there is anyone else? Ask her if she can commit to giving her all for the next 6 months as you will, to reconnecting before making a rash decision that will affect your children forever.....



I actually did tell her I wanted to reconnect and even suggested going on a date so we can just talk. But at this point she is just not comfortable. She wants to be alone. She said that the more I try to reconnect and be more affectionate with her the more it pushes her away. Yea, lose lose situation there. =/

I've done everything for her. If it truly doesn't work out, at least I'll know it wasn't for my lack of trying...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mmmm, OK... Let's analyse this one, shall we?

Wife meets cute, shy guy. Likes cute, shy guy, falls in love with cute, shy guy.

Then wife starts to whine because the guy she is married to is a cute, shy guy. 

Decides she wants to change cute, shy guy. 

Cute, shy guy tries to change but cannot change entirely because he is, at heart, really a cute, shy guy.

Wife, meanwhile, gives cute, shy guy the ILYBINILWY gambit, claiming that cute, shy guy needs help or should just get over it, or any one of several dozen pointless platitudinous tripey statements.

What is the conclusion that can be draw from this?

Wife has harmed cute, shy guy, risks harming their children because wife is a meddling nincompoop who is, in all probability, the one who needs help.

PS do you know the name of your likely replacement? Or am I being too cynical, here?


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Do it. You have nothing to lose, do you?
> 
> Have you done any reading?



True. At this point I really have nothing more to lose. This is definitely the lowest point in my life right now.

I have read "His Needs Her Needs" and am currently reading "The Five Love Languages". I've definitely learned a lot from these books and put a new perspective on everything.


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Mmmm, OK... Let's analyse this one, shall we?
> 
> Wife meets cute, shy guy. Likes cute, shy guy, falls in love with cute, shy guy.
> 
> ...



Ha! That actually gave me a good laugh because you pretty much nailed it on the head. She knew going into this relationship and marriage the way that I was. I've always been like this. It's not like I changed for the worse after we got married.

Thanks for that. People that I have talked to give me advice on how to make it work and to just give it time. But getting advise from people outside my circle is actually making me think about things in a different light.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

none of us know her..or you for that matter. I think its nice on forums to get feedback from people who have ZERO idea who you are. ya know? 
Not to knock my own gender but Im really really sick of self indulgent women. She is putting you through hell and jeopardizing the thread of your family because......? WTF?


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

Ansley said:


> none of us know her..or you for that matter. I think its nice on forums to get feedback from people who have ZERO idea who you are. ya know?
> Not to knock my own gender but Im really really sick of self indulgent women. She is putting you through hell and jeopardizing the thread of your family because......? WTF?


Her reasoning is that I had this emotional wall up for so many years. I didn't satisfy her emotional need for quality time/quality conversations. I get it, and I agree. What it comes down too is that we didn't communicate our needs effectively throughout the years and it eventually led to this point where everything just erupted. 

Other than the quality conversations, I have literally given her EVERYTHING. Never complained about any of her faults and loved her for who she is. Too bad she can't do the same which does make me believe that I deserve better.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Read, Deejo's sticky thread on man up and nice guys n the Men's Clubhouse area. Read some of the post there too.


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## mattyjman (Jun 6, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> I feel this often happens among people they "fall out of love" try and make it work. Only for years later it to happen again and they realize they truly do not love that person. Love that is a true love is everlasting and wont ever fail. If you truly have (commitment, passion, intimacy) than your love and marriage will not fail because if it did fail than that would signify that one of the components is missing!. I feel a great deal of divorces that occur 10 years after the couple got married are cases in which one of the spouses comes to realize their exists no passion and no true love and all they have had that keeps them together is intimacy and commitment. A lack of passion in turn leads them to question the commitment.


sounds wonderful, but i suspect a little "utopian" in thought... i'd love that if it actually existed somewhere.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

the true love is the consummate love and i believe it does exist. Its possible to truly have passion intimacy and commitment in a relationship. Sadly most people will never have this the issue lies in realizing if you have that or not. 

the consummate love if it exist wont fail because if it did it would prove that one of the components was missing.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Goldmember357 said:


> I feel this often happens among people they "fall out of love" try and make it work. Only for years later it to happen again and they realize they truly do not love that person. Love that is a true love is everlasting and wont ever fail. If you truly have (commitment, passion, intimacy) than your love and marriage will not fail because if it did fail than that would signify that one of the components is missing!. I feel a great deal of divorces that occur 10 years after the couple got married are cases in which one of the spouses comes to realize their exists no passion and no true love and all they have had that keeps them together is intimacy and commitment. A lack of passion in turn leads them to question the commitment.


So, you feel that if someone says they no longer love you that they never truly loved you to begin with? I've considered that. My x wife divorced me with no huge reasons. To make a long story short, she said I had become distant, didn't want to do things with her anymore, etc. She said my distance caused her to loose her feelings for me. I guess it's possible she never truly loved me.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

No 3rd party in the picture, right?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> No 3rd party in the picture, right?


I always have to wonder that too Warlock when the ILYBNILWY card gets palyed out of the blue.

Poster, just to rule it out, check your cell phone bill on line and go back as far as you can. Is there a spike in your wife's texting/calls? Are all the texts/calls to a specific number or two?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

southbound said:


> So, you feel that if someone says they no longer love you that they never truly loved you to begin with? I've considered that. My x wife divorced me with no huge reasons. To make a long story short, she said I had become distant, didn't want to do things with her anymore, etc. She said my distance caused her to loose her feelings for me. I guess it's possible she never truly loved me.


This is OT, southbound, but I don't really think that. We all go through stages in our lives, and sometimes we love people deeply and truly but not for forever. That's just part of life.

Sorry, OP, for hijacking your thread.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

mma2012 said:


> Her reasoning is that I had this emotional wall up for so many years. I didn't satisfy her emotional need for quality time/quality conversations. I get it, and I agree. What it comes down too is that we didn't communicate our needs effectively throughout the years and it eventually led to this point where everything just erupted.
> 
> Other than the quality conversations, I have literally given her EVERYTHING. Never complained about any of her faults and loved her for who she is. Too bad she can't do the same which does make me believe that I deserve better.


This is just and excuse. Your wife (like most people) doesn't understand the relationship between will, thought and feeling. She is choosing to let her life be led by her feelings rather than seeing herself as responsible for these feelings. Love is an act of will. Will creates thought and though creates feeling. The feelings she is missing are gone because the will to love that would create these feelings has been lost, forgotten, left to wither or whatever.

Anyone can prove this to themselves in a simple 30 minute daily exercise. The trick here is for the lost partner to find their way to get back their will to love.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Toffer said:


> I always have to wonder that too Warlock when the ILYBNILWY card gets palyed out of the blue.
> 
> Poster, just to rule it out, check your cell phone bill on line and go back as far as you can. Is there a spike in your wife's texting/calls? Are all the texts/calls to a specific number or two?


It's never completely out of the blue. Some kind of change or other external stressor has come up in the relationship, even if it's not and outside romantic interest


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

There is always hope. See this all the time on this website. One spouse becomes unhappy with their partner and puts all the blame on them and gives them the "I am possibly moving on" speech. They are lost and blame the closest one to them...

She needs therapy and should not refuse MC. The fact is your marriage is ill and needs a doctor. A quality MC should be able to help you both weather this bad period and get the marriage back on track.

I would tell her flat out the marriage needs professional help and that is what MC is for. Do it for the family.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I truly believe that long lasting love is something you do. Not something you feel. 

If you don't do anything loving, you are going to 'fall out of love'. 

I feel love for my wife. I work on our relationship. I insist we do things together. I insist we make love. 

Loving my wife is something I do. If I quit doing. I am sure in time, I wouldn't feel love for her.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Look up Dr. Harville Hendrix, and read his book. It will explain that what has happened to you is not only common but almost always the case in any marriage, eventually. Get some therapy for yourself even if she will not go to MC.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I truly believe that long lasting love is something you do. Not something you feel.
> 
> If you don't do anything loving, you are going to 'fall out of love'.
> 
> ...


Yes!!! This is exactly it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

MMA,

Time to do a little sleuthing. You say your wife has a history of going cold in all her past relationships, so it's time to find the new vine the monkey has grabbed onto. She's distancing from you to make room for the new man. GPS and VAR her car, keylogger the computer, and cell spy for her phone.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> MMA,
> 
> Time to do a little sleuthing. You say your wife has a history of going cold in all her past relationships, so it's time to find the new vine the monkey has grabbed onto. She's distancing from you to make room for the new man. GPS and VAR her car, keylogger the computer, and cell spy for her phone.



I agree , every other action is pointless until the prospect of a OM is proven false. Sad to say it's nearly always the case when we hear this story there has been a Om in the woodpile for about six months.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

never been there.

but someone told me once (im a guy) a tidbit i never forgot.

a. it is easy to get a woman to love you, hard to get one to respect you.
b. women fall in and out of love many times during a marriage, whether they stay or not depends on the level of commitment and respect they have for you (and attachments).
But if a woman said she nolonger was in love with me i would not consider that the end, but rather something to work on, or a three year marriage low, six months later she could be in love again.
c. while woman like shy, quiet guys. The tend to view them as weak and resent them over time. She perceives you as weak. Which is why she is losing interest. You may actually be a very strong man but in her mind it is how she perceives you.

d. if she is withdrawing from you, she is going to someone else. could be girlfriends, friends, or it could be another man for emotional connections. figure out where she is going for that support.



just my two cents, if its worth anything.
i wouldnt cater too her too much, you will come off as being weak and she will discount you, respect you even less. if she is already in a i dont love you phase the last thing you need is her to have even less respect for you than she already has. Dont act too much like a girl with the emotions, that isnt what she is really looking for but rather strength. Listen to her if she wants to talk to bring the emotional connection back, dont give in to her that will make her opinion of you worse.
if you dont listen to this i dont blame you, i personaly have never tried it. lol


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

Hey All,

So it's been a while and thought I would provide an update. Since I first posted here almost a month ago, I have been going through the hardest time of my life. After trying to make this marriage work and telling her how much I wanted to make it work, it turns out that she has been cheating on me all along. I had to confront her about it after I had my suspicions and put a keylogger on her laptop.

I had a feeling from the start but just didn't want to believe it. She didn't feel that emotional connection from me so she sought after it from someone else. Apparently it is from one of her best friends' co-workers. Needless to say, I'm no longer cool with her friend since she is the one that enabled it to happen.

Anyways, it's just been a roller coaster of emotion from sadness to extreme hatred. We went to marriage counseling and she pretty much said she didn't want to work things out. Really though? Fine. I couldn't trust you anyways. She was completely selfish and was only concerned with satisfying her own pleasure at the expense of our family. I am now in the process of filing for divorce. I definitely have my good and bad days because in the end I gave her EVERYTHING and she just straight up betrayed me and took advantage of me. This is the person that I truly believed I would be with for the rest of my life. Even before I found out about the cheating, I was making great progress in opening up and talking to her. She admitted that. Makes me feel like a dummy now because I tried so hard and her she is messing around with another guy and lying to my face.

I know I deserve better and I know in time all wounds will heal and I will come out of this stronger and better than ever. I WILL meet that special someone that will respect and love me for me. Unconditionally. My focus now is myself and the kids and honestly that is all that matters at this point. I don't wish anything bad on anyone, but I wouldn't be surprised if karma came back around. 

Sometimes life doesn't want to give you what you want, not because you don't deserve it, but because you deserve more.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Was the affair physical or emotional?


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

both


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Check your state laws on divorce and see how much adultery makes a difference.

Edit: You said co-workers, so multiple guys?


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

keko said:


> Check your state laws on divorce and see how much adultery makes a difference.
> 
> Edit: You said co-workers, so multiple guys?


Sorry, I meant co-worker. It was one guy. Unfortunately I live in California which is a no-fault state.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Oh well, hopefully she wont be getting much alimony/child support from you.

In the mean time expose her affair to close family/friends both your's and her's before she blames you for the dissolution of your marriage.


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

camihuml said:


> I am new here and haven't taken the time to read the responses yet, but can I just say WOW I was very moved by your post. You are my SO and I am your wife in many ways. But you are here on these forums and are reading books which my SO would never ever do, so points there.
> 
> So I can very much relate to your wife's side here. I believe I would respond the same way if he decided to suddenly step up to the plate as soon as I told him I wasn't in love with him anymore. I would feel like, oh, so you didn't care before until you are about to lose me. I too would feel like it's too little too late as you call it.
> 
> ...



Yea...too late for that. I did put all my attention on her and focused on her 100%. But I found out she has been cheating on me (read my post for the full story just a few threads above). Soooo yea, it's over. Even after she got caught, she said she didn't want to work it out anymore so that basically no other choice but to file for divorce. We tried counseling but that didn't make any difference.


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## camihuml (Jul 23, 2012)

Sorry, I should have checked the date of your original post. Yea, too little too late. Life is hard sometimes, relationships even harder. good luck to the both of you


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé the affair still! If the OM has a SO expose to her also.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think you owe it to your self to not only make her face the consequences of a divorce, but also the consequence of exposing the affair and who it was with.

Have you talked to the lawyer about a moral clause that will keep OM away from the kids?

Are you able to mention the OM in the divorce papers?

I think you can sue the other man, there might be a loop hole with regards to alianation of affection or something like that.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

MMA, I didn't notice your thread here before from last month, just caught up and wanted to tell you, that is my exact story too, from a year and a half ago.

I am sorry you got saddled with her infidelity - I find it heartbreaking that your W, like mine was just so apparently unhappy and had no faith in what you thought the two of you were building together.

You are doing right by divorcing, you know she is broken and will never be able to put you in the right position in the marriage, she is checked out and will probably never check back in on time to restore a relationship with you.

Do like others have suggested and expose this to her family, your friends both mutual and yours alone. Therapy will help you stay focussed.

For me I am almost a year and a half out from dday... there have been some lows but also some highs. I am still really struggling to find my own self-worth but its what I have to do regardless of my current marital status. Just like you will have a journey, but first things first, begin decoupling - separate your finances, draft up your separation agreement, let her go, she should move out since she is the one wanting to end the marriage. Don't concede anything to her, when she is not in love with you she will have no qualms taking you for every last drop of blood she can get (cheating women don't follow the same code of honor as betrayed nice guys like us, so get a shark lawyer). Exercise, try to eat - you have probably lost a good 15-20 pounds by now use it to jumpstart your fitness and don't give up on the workouts when it gets tough because it is hard to get started again.

Read up on threads here, it is a wonderful website for a betrayed spouse.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

mma2012, would mind taking the time to reply to the thread title "my wife left tuesday".

He seems to be were you were at a month ago and I see him making some of the same mistakes IMHO.


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

Lon said:


> MMA, I didn't notice your thread here before from last month, just caught up and wanted to tell you, that is my exact story too, from a year and a half ago.
> 
> I am sorry you got saddled with her infidelity - I find it heartbreaking that your W, like mine was just so apparently unhappy and had no faith in what you thought the two of you were building together.
> 
> ...



I have definitely exposed her to my close friends and family as well as some of her friends since I have become close to them as well throughout the years. I have already kicked her out of the house, shut off her cell phone, and completely stopped supporting her. It is my hope that we can come to a reasonable agreement regarding the terms of the divorce. But I am already lining up a lawyer just in case this gets ugly.

I am doing individual counseling at the moment to help me cope with all my emotions. I also started going to church again for guidance and to help find peace within myself.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

It is terrifying on how many ILYBNILWY threads turn out to be affairs. It is not even funny. More than 90% or even more from what I see on TAM.

Inform the company where she works. If the co-worker is married or in a relationship, expose the affair to his SO. And let the OM's family know what a POS their son is.


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> It is terrifying on how many ILYBNILWY threads turn out to be affairs. It is not even funny. More than 90% or even more from what I see on TAM.
> 
> Inform the company where she works. If the co-worker is married or in a relationship, expose the affair to his SO. And let the OM's family know what a POS their son is.


I don't doubt that statistic. 

She was a SAHM and hasn't worked since we had our first child 6 years ago. That is what I'm worried about because it is more than likely I'll need to pay some form of support to her since she really has nothing. Add that on top of the fact that I'm now going to need to look for day care, it's going to stretch me thin. 

The OM apparently lives with his ex-gf whom they have a child together. When I first confronted my wife about her communication with this guy, she said she was just confiding in him because he is in a similar situation. My first reaction was, "Why are you confiding in someone that I don't even know? Why does he need to know about our personal business?" And that's were the suspicion started. I don't know anything about his family but I'm sure there are background reports I can get to get that info if needed.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

mma2012 said:


> The OM apparently lives with his ex-gf whom they have a child together...


uh, no, it is probably not his "ex" gf, probably his current gf he's cheating on. how did you learn this, from your cheating, fog-laced wife who is his lover? When you expose this all make sure to include the live in ex gf, should be very beneficial to ending the affair.


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## mma2012 (Jun 28, 2012)

Lon said:


> uh, no, it is probably not his "ex" gf, probably his current gf he's cheating on. how did you learn this, from your cheating, fog-laced wife who is his lover? When you expose this all make sure to include the live in ex gf, should be very beneficial to ending the affair.


From the logs I have, he does refer to her as his "retarded ex" but again, how do we know HE is telling the truth. That's interesting, I never thought about that.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

mma2012 said:


> From the logs I have, he does refer to her as his "retarded ex" but again, how do we know HE is telling the truth. That's interesting, I never thought about that.


yeah if he is constantly putting negative adjectives about his supposed "ex" to your W he is lying, to both your W and his GF. He is a player, or wannabe that your stbxw was foolish enough to fall for. Seriously, expose to his GF, she has a right to know that her baby's daddy is sleeping around - he is probably also having unprotected sex with her as well as who knows who. And in case you haven't clued is yet, do not have sex with your W, if you do you are putting yourself at risk for STD. (funny, in my case while my ex was in her affairs but before I knew, she was adamant about me using a condom the last time we were together because she said it was to spice things up, it was lousy and pretty much the clue that made me investigate)


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its all part of the affair script. 
Do your own investigation and even if the deal is true, at least contact the OM GF and get her take on the sitch. It may be very enlightening, as far as how long, when and were....

She may be one of those betrayed that think expose is none of her business...just be nice, even though if she would have exposed it to you months ago it could have made a difference.

Any way, my quess is the OM GF is cluelesss to what is really going on... guys like OM usually have a rotation going. Om GF might even tell you about some completely other chick that is in the picture....now would that be nice to share with you STBXW?


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