# Not sure what to do



## Sajiri (May 9, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for about 3 months now, we met online (with no intention to have a relationship at the time) and things progressed from there. Our relationship has had it's ups and downs but has been overall good, my husband is very loving and supportive but it feels like some things are missing.

Namely, I was a virgin when we met, and I still am.

Without going into the details of the past, I had some very bad experiences growing up that made me rather nervous about sex when older. My husband was always very understanding and never pressured me. We tried a couple times while dating, but because of other things going on in our lives at the time, I suppose I wasnt ready, and we agreed to simply wait. Despite that we were still pretty physical without going 'all the way.'

It feels like, though, since we've been married, he has no interest in me whatsoever when it comes to sex. I've made it clear to him I've been ready for a long time and want to, even before we married. At first I thought it was simply that we were stressed, he had just moved and had no job, no car, and my parents were pressuring him about those things. We worked through them one by one and I thought things would change, but he seems more interested in playing games on his computer or something. I talked to him about it, and he said he thinks we just aren't ready (He has had sexual partners before he met me so it's not a case of it for him) and that we should probably just go back to lots of foreplay to get me used to it. I agreed and yet, nothing has happened. A friend suggested I make the first move and come onto him, which I try, and he enjoys it but still does nothing. The moment I stop doing anything, even if its just to cuddle for a bit, its straight off to doing something else.

I was trying not to let the whole thing bother me aside from the fact I know he will pleasure himself when I'm asleep or out. I've told him that never bothered me when we weren't around each other, but when I'm there and he chooses to be on his own rather than do something with his own wife it feels like something is very wrong.

Overall it makes me feel unnattractive, that he isnt attracted to me sexually anymore, but when I ask him he assures me that's not the case. Im not sure why when we have just married he seems so uninterested in being sexual with me.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Sorry if this stings a little, but it seems to me that you're not really married yet. For me this would be a deal breaker. Seriously, 3 months after the ceremony and you're still a virgin???? Something is DRASTICALLY wrong.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Saj. How awful for you. I went thru something similar, many years ago.

I can't think of a nice way to say this...are you sure he's straight? You may be a beard. And I apologize, but that's what your post made me think of.

Please do keep us posted.


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## Sajiri (May 9, 2012)

We are really married, and he is straight. He used to be very physical, until a few months before the wedding when it was like he just seemed more interested in other things. Like video games or talking to other people.

Aside from this one thing everything else is fine, but its just as though he has no interest in sex with me. The first thought would be that Im not attractive to him like I used to be, but I havent exactly changed my appearance, if anything I've got in shape more than I used to be


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Look him in the eye, make sure he is listening, make sure he is paying attention. And say *"Mr. Sajiri, I AM READY! I HAVE BEEN READY FOR QUITE AWHILE! Now, I want you to take me into the bedroom so we can finally make love."* If he still resists, tell him that you should see a MC to get to the root of the problem.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

You need to go to either a sex therapist or a marriage counselor.

If he refuses to go, you should consider an annulment. It should be easy given that the marriage was never "consummated".

I know you are still a virgin, but do NOT have kids with this man until you are satisfied with your marriage and sex life. It only takes once to get pregnant.

If it's any consolation while my wife and I had different reasons (sex was very painful for her), she remained a virgin for many months after we were married (no penetration). Over the first 2-3 years we had sex a handful of times. We are about to celebrate our 15th anniversary this year. While our sex life isn't perfect, we've been making great strides.


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