# Lingerie question



## confused55 (Apr 30, 2011)

I know this sounds kind of strange, but I have never been interested in wearing sexy lingerie before, but have started to want to wear it now.

I don't know if this has been spurred by my husband's infidelity and our problems over the past year or so.

I have bought a few nice things and he looks away when I have them on, with no comment or anything.

I bought him some tickets to an NFL game in Seattle this coming weekend for his birthday, so we will be having a weekend away from home.

I have hinted I would like to buy some sexy slips to wear at night when we go. His answer is that's just for young, in shape hot girls.

Ok, we're both in our 50's. I am not in bad shape and excercise a lot.

I think for me, the whole past year's issues are changing the way I think, especially about myself, and that is why I'm interested in the lingerie (nothing too racy though). I want to wear this for myself, not just him, but don't want to wear it if he thinks its pathetic.

Any comments on this subject?


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

He shoud be thankful that you want to look hot for him (and yourself - self esteem in so important) and not act like an idiot. Plus you're buying him football tickets! The greatest sport in the world. He should cover you with a double coat of saliva for that alone. 

If he doesn't like it, wear it when you choose to for a quiet night alone with your vibrator. The way it sounds, it will be a more romantic evening than with Mr Seahawks.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Uh, wtf?? What is wrong with him? A comment like that one would get my hubby a slap across the face (well, not literally, but ykwim) ESPECIALLY since he cheated on me.

What's his attitude like about other things? What is he doing to prove he's remorseful? Because if that's his attitude in general, he isn't remorseful at all. He should be willing to chop off his left ball and give it to you on a silver platter if that's what you need to get over him cheating.


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## confused55 (Apr 30, 2011)

Thanks, 40.

Yeah, I got some really good tickets for the game. He has never been to an NFL game before, just hockey as we live in Canada, but no hockey this year.

I'm not into football at all, but have been watching on TV lately trying to learn the game so I get more out of it when watching in person.

He loves sports, me not so much.

Just wondering if some of you over 50's out there would be kind of turned off if the wife wore a Victoria's Secret slip sometimes. Am I too old for this?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> He shoud be thankful that you want to look hot for him (and yourself - self esteem in so important) and not act like an idiot. Plus you're buying him football tickets! The greatest sport in the world. He should cover you with a double coat of saliva for that alone.
> 
> If he doesn't like it, wear it when you choose to for a quiet night alone with your vibrator. The way it sounds, it will be a more romantic evening than with Mr Seahawks.


I agree.....and wear what you want. Its not all about him....its about how you feel wearing them too! 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm 46 and my husband (47) LOVES for me to wear lingerie. In fact the racier the better he thinks.

That was really hurtful what your husband said.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I just had a look thru some other threads you've posted, and I am wondering why you think your husband is remorseful? It sounds to me like he treats you very badly, especially being someone who cheated. I question the R you have - I think you're rugsweeping and clinging to him because you are used to him and you can't imagine being on your own, not because he's truly remorseful.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

We're both over 50 here. I still get revved up when DW wears her outfits and she knows it too.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Sheesh. Some guys. I suspect if your H had and account on here his name would be "putsfootinmouth". Of course you can look hot in lingerie. Remember though it's about the whole package. I mean if your wearing face cream and curlers no amount of lingerie is going to be enough. Just the idea that you want to be more involved in his interests like football and by him tickets to the game is awesome. That is very thoughtful. And on top of that you hinting at a sexual adventure is really nice. Wow. You rock. Sounds to me like you're more woman than he's ready to handle.lol.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

He might not be turned on by lingerie. My guy doesn't care about that stuff at. all. I think he only cares because if I'm wearing it, it usually means I'm feeling extra-flirty.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

norajane said:


> He might not be turned on by lingerie. My guy doesn't care about that stuff at. all. I think he only cares because if I'm wearing it, it usually means I'm feeling extra-flirty.


But that's not what he said. He insulted her by saying it was only for young hot in shape women.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

confused55 said:


> I have hinted I would like to buy some sexy slips to wear at night when we go. *His answer is that's just for young, in shape hot girls.*


** Ouch **
Some men just take a little longer to " get it ."


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> But that's not what he said. He insulted her by saying it was only for young hot in shape women.


Well, he first insulted her by having an affair, so it's questionable whether there's a whole lot to work with here to begin with.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I would like to meet your husband. And slap him upside his head. I wish I could tell him how much I've gone through to convince my wife to wear lingerie. She kind of thinks like him. It's only for young girls with perfect bodies. I love my wife's body. And to tell the truth, I think lingerie is especially for women with less than perfect bodies. It enhances the parts that need enhancing, and covers the parts that need covering. For the first part of your post I thought perhaps your husband was shy or something. But then he makes that comment and I can't tel whether he's an idiot or a jerk. Either way it's not good.


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## confused55 (Apr 30, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> I just had a look thru some other threads you've posted, and I am wondering why you think your husband is remorseful? It sounds to me like he treats you very badly, especially being someone who cheated. I question the R you have - I think you're rugsweeping and clinging to him because you are used to him and you can't imagine being on your own, not because he's truly remorseful.


I really don't know how remorseful he is. He doesn't want to talk about the events of infidelity because he says he feels so guilty about hurting me and bad about himself.

Honestly, even though spending much time reading through threads on here, I don't really know what actions depict remorse.

He's really good with helping around home, with our grown girls, etc., but always was this way.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I wonder if he's sabotaging your lingerie wearing efforts because he doesn't feel he deserves it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

remorse vs guilt

That post explains it pretty well I think

There's a link in my sig for newbies - I know you aren't a newbie but maybe take the time to have a read at it. From what you've described I really don't think your husband is doing much of what he needs to for you guys to have a successful R


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Personally, I would immediately go lock all the doors and take the phone off the hook, open a bottle of whine and light the candles....for the entire weekend.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*Aww I am so sorry he said that to you. Did he ever like for you to wear lingerie? Well I say go for it girl because you don't need to stop now. Now you need to dress from head to toe. I hope you got your red pumps. Forget about that crazy mess your Hubby is talking. I say you put it on and shake what your moma gave you. If it makes you feel good go for it girl. If anything your Hubby just upset because you still got it . You dress it up for yourself and have fun. Now he just don't know about the new you. If you really want Hubby to be surprised , you take an adult movie and some whip cream with strawberries. Show him what you working with step your game up girl. You get some sexy music and dance for him to . I gotta keep it clean but you know what I mean . Your Hubby is acting old not you. You go and have a good time. I am wishing you luck with this issue. *


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

confused55 said:


> Thanks, 40.
> 
> Yeah, I got some really good tickets for the game. He has never been to an NFL game before, just hockey as we live in Canada, but no hockey this year.
> 
> ...


I'm not in my 50s yet, but close enough to voice an opinion. Turned off by my wife? No way in hell under any circumstances, especially wearing lingerie. I encourage her to buy more revealing clothing to wear every day and bedroom stuff has no boundaries. 

You are only as old as you make yourself feel. I'm in the best shape of my life so I'm proud of my age.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Age is just a number - time to get over it! I turned 40 last month, 3 months after having a baby. 

I've lost the baby weight and go to the gym EVERY weekday but I can guarantee this body doesn't look like it did 10 years ago when we were married. 

That didn't stop me from buying a great corset and thigh highs from Fredricks and prancing around the house over the weekend to get his attention. 

Go out, try a bunch of stuff on and buy what makes YOU feel pretty. The confidence will carry over when you get into the bedroom. 

If he STILL doesn't respond, it's time to rethink whether this is going to work for you long term.


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## confused55 (Apr 30, 2011)

[If he STILL doesn't respond, it's time to rethink whether this is going to work for you long term.[/QUOTE]



Good advice, but I've been married for 30 years, don't know what you mean by 'long term'.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

confused, you've been on here a long time posting the same things over and over. It does not sound like you are happy. Why have you accepted this?


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## confused55 (Apr 30, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> confused, you've been on here a long time posting the same things over and over. It does not sound like you are happy. Why have you accepted this?


Sorry if I'm offending you Hope, sometimes I'm ok and then sometimes I can't deal with things. I have nobody else to talk with about this. Right now, it seems worse as it was our anniversary last week and has brought up a lot of memories.

I know you are optomistic about your relationship, but I simply am more of a realist.

I hope I can either dig through this or be gone a year from now, as I just can't accept the disrespect in it all more than anything else.

I admire all of the folks who can live with the disrespect of infidelity and move past it all.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

so here I am banging my head into the wall over another WTF moment. Here we have a women trying to buy and wear lingerie for her husband and he is trying to avoid it. I have been trying to get my wife to wear lingerie the whole time we have been married. She hasn't even owned a piece of lingerie in probably 7 years. I just don't understand some men. [email protected]


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You're not offending me. It just makes me sad when I see how much some BS's struggle with WS's who, from everything they describe, are not doing what they should be for the BS.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You are never too old for lingerie. Ever.

What does he like on a woman? Getting back to the original question, he might get more worked up if you introduce it as part of play before he can do anything. 

For instance what if you wore stockings and a bustier under your clothes when your out at the game and let it slip while there that your libido got the better of you and you wore them, but he can see them till later?

It all depends on what he is into.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

confused55 said:


> I have hinted I would like to buy some sexy slips to wear at night when we go. His answer is that's just for young, in shape hot girls.


What a d1ck thing to say! Life is too short to be around people who want to put you down.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

confused55 said:


> Sorry if I'm offending you Hope, sometimes I'm ok and then sometimes I can't deal with things. I have nobody else to talk with about this. Right now, it seems worse as it was our anniversary last week and has brought up a lot of memories.
> 
> I know you are optomistic about your relationship, but I simply am more of a realist.
> 
> ...


We don't move past it without the sincere effort and genuine remorse of our partners. What does that kind of effort and remorse look like? It's different for everyone depending on their circumstances. But if you aren't feeling optimistic, it's probably because you aren't getting what you need from your husband to believe he is remorseful and to believe in your relationship again.

Remorse often comes through via an attitude more than any specific actions. It comes through in non-verbal ways that he is _trying_, genuinely trying to make things better for you and with you, and trying to have a real, honest relationship with you. And it comes through in obvious ways. Someone who is trying to rebuild a relationship doesn't shut you down when you take a step toward him, especially not a sexy step.

Reconciliation is a long process. You have to be really open and honest with each other. Sometimes it's easier to walk away, or feels like it would be.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I went to Food Lion tonight. There was a couple in flannel pj bottoms and fuzzy slippers. He had a UNC jersey and she had on a camisole.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

confused55 said:


> I really don't know how remorseful he is. He doesn't want to talk about the events of infidelity because he says he feels so guilty about hurting me and bad about himself.
> 
> Honestly, even though spending much time reading through threads on here, I don't really know what actions depicthelping around home, with our grown girls, etc., but always was this way.


The fact that he doesn't want to talk about the infidelity is just to bad...the only way you can heal is to talk about it. He needs to let you talk about it and ask all the queations you want.

As for the langerie...you go for it girl! If it makes you feel good, then treat yourself. I am not quite 50 yet but close enough...I buy sexy lingerie for myself and some for the hubster. I even wear a leather number every now and then. My husband loves it, is always offering to take me shopping for more. So never mind grumpy, buy for yourself and make yourself feel sexy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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