# He finally admitted the truth



## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

Well, he finally did what I've wanted him to do for 2 years. He admitted he didn't love me anymore. I read him some emails from years ago and the difference between how he talked to me then and how he talks to me now was striking. I said "when exactly did you stop loving me?" and he said it didn't happen all at once, it was step by step. So, I had a big ugly cry all alone in the closet. I called my Mom. I calmed down and now I am moved into the guest room in the other side of the house and since I spoke with a paralegal with the attorney I will use, I know what my rights are. This is hard. It is heart breaking, but I am not one to sit back and engage in a pity party. It's time to start a new "Y" in my journey of life. I intend to make it as fulfilling as possible. After all, isn't 56 the new 46? lol. I need all the encouragement I can get that life can be good again and that even at my age I can start a new life. Wish me luck!


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Suzy0sunshine* said:


> After all, isn't 56 the new 46? lol. I need all the encouragement I can get that life can be good again and that even at my age I can start a new life. Wish me luck!


New life even at your age? I'm within a stone's throw of your 56 years young my friend and I am doing just that! Life is good and I didn't see how good it was it until I finally decided to break free from a prison of my own making. I was anguished but now I realize I shouldn't have been, it was the right thing to do. Have your cry. Do it again. Then again. Then get moving and see what is out there for you, with confidence! Your health and peace depend on it, believe me. You will be surprised, I know that I was (am). :smile2:


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife and I wish you good luck!!!

You will certainly do better to know than the wishy washy nonsense.

Go Go Go!


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

Thank you WilliamM! Much appreciated


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

Cromer said:


> New life even at your age? I'm within a stone's throw of your 56 years young my friend and I am doing just that! Life is good and I didn't see how good it was it until I finally decided to break free from a prison of my own making. I was anguished but now I realize I shouldn't have been, it was the right thing to do. Have your cry. Do it again. Then again. Then get moving and see what is out there for you, with confidence! Your health and peace depend on it, believe me. You will be surprised, I know that I was (am). :smile2:


You give me hope! Hugs!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Suzy0sunshine* said:


> Well, he finally did what I've wanted him to do for 2 years. He admitted he didn't love me anymore. I read him some emails from years ago and the difference between how he talked to me then and how he talks to me now was striking. I said "when exactly did you stop loving me?" and he said it didn't happen all at once, it was step by step. So, I had a big ugly cry all alone in the closet. I called my Mom. I calmed down and now I am moved into the guest room in the other side of the house and since I spoke with a paralegal with the attorney I will use, I know what my rights are. This is hard. It is heart breaking, but I am not one to sit back and engage in a pity party. It's time to start a new "Y" in my journey of life. I intend to make it as fulfilling as possible. After all, isn't 56 the new 46? lol. I need all the encouragement I can get that life can be good again and that even at my age I can start a new life. Wish me luck!


I'm sorry. Yes you can have a new and great life. My Mom started over around your age and she will say that right now after about 20 years this is the best time in her life.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You seem pretty on the point and not washing away over the mess.

You should rename your thread: I'm a bad ass and I'm going to do this !


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You are still young, can be younger by getting fitter and leaner.
Please, not meaner.

Please, not jumping immediately into a new relationship. Not to say you will not get lucky.
You might, likely not.

Be the Octopus, keep your feelers out....
Touching many, not just one or two.

Push no worthy man away, draw no man too close.
Sample many, few intimately.

Intimacy spells doom to your newly won freedom.

Do not consume men, that hardens you, makes you like them....some of them.
Makes you callous and makes you a cynic. Unworthy in the end to hold and to cherish.

Makes you just another bitter fruit. Suitable for one night stands. One month trysts.
And leaves you as one who is bewildered.

SunCMars- having a lucid moment.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Proud of your gumption and fortitude, @Suzy0sunshine*

God never intended for us to be alone and unloved and you are no exception!

You will find someone out there who will truly love you, and solely you for the grand and beautiful woman who you are! 

Get on with the process of ending this sham of a marriage! IMHO, your STBXH is throwing the most valuable commodity of his life away. The best vision of him that you could ever wish to have is his pouting image squarely in the rear view mirror!

Best of luck to you my dear! And welcome to your "new family" here at TAM!*


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You'll be great! Your life will be so much happier out of your situation. Divorcing is hard, but once you are through it, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You have much happiness to look forward to.


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

I wholeheartedly agree. He didn't nourish his feelings for me and now they are gone. He has told me over and over that he never for a minute has ever doubted my love for HIM. I guess I must have nurtured mine while his mind went off in 10 directions obsessing about other women and having babies, maybe even superhero fantasies. Now I just have to get over feeling guilty that I'm about to take half our money and shut down that urge to walk in front of him naked just to remind him what he is going to be missing. I need to stay here (if it stays peaceful) for a few more weeks and then things are going to change and it WILL be for the better, even if I'm in an apt a tiny fraction of the size of my home now. I've never been high maintenance, even when I could have been, so that is going to serve me well. Look out world - here I come. Thanks for the words of encouragement Arbitrator and Livvie!


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> You are still young, can be younger by getting fitter and leaner.
> Please, not meaner.
> 
> Please, not jumping immediately into a new relationship. Not to say you will not get lucky.
> ...


I think these are wise words. One thing that getting older has done for me has made me patient. I am keeping my head on straight and a rebound relationship is NOT going to be a part of my journey. I know what I bring to the table and would rather stay alone than give my heart to someone who's name is not written in the stars of my universe. Besides, it will take me months to get over dreaming of HIS arms and HIS smell, HIS touch. The physicality of HIM is what I'm going to continue to have heartbreak over and over until one day it will stop and I'll be truly free.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Suzy, first hugs to you, second, life is too damn short to waste it with someone who cannot return the feelings. You know now what needs to be done. Let me tell you, I work to a great extent in the divorce industry. I represent a good number of women of all ages. Let me state this for the record; "The game ain't over til it is over." I have, in the last few years, lost two women to their new beau's accountant, and I have gained five new gentlemen that have gone into new relationships. Every one of those people were over 45. Each one was convinced, when their marriages were over, that they would end up alone. Nonsense. One lovely lady, a psychologist in her late 60's, introduced me to her new man. We are making plans for her to sell her practice, and she is going to travel with him. I bought them a bottle of champagne and told them to go out and have fun. I guess I am an old yenta, and just like fixing people up.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i have a theory that true love never dies. i personally don't believe in the 'i don't love you anymore' thing.
that goes for the ILYBINILWY deal.

even my ex's i still do love. i left them (or they left me), only because i had to, not because i lost my love for them.
i just can't fathom people that lose their love..............only to say, that either it was never true love in the first place, or 
they are incapable of actual true love. Don't even know what it means. to me it sounds like yours is the latter case.

so sad, but like the others, i wish you the best!


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

"Love" isn't worth sacrificing your physical, mental, and emotional health over and it took me a long time to see it. There is so much pain in these forums, especially with people who found themselves betrayed by their SO. But there is also a lot of joy that came after the pain. I've read many stories that spanned years that started with the most horrible betrayals imaginable (i.e. wife cheated on me with a friend for 6 years) and now have a very happy situation (e.g. I divorced her, am happily remarried, have children now and alimony is finally over). Not that this applies to you but after doing so much reading here, I could never reconcile with a cheater or someone who confessed to having no feelings for me. It seems to almost never end well. The same applies when trying to make it work with someone who doesn't love you anymore. You will only sacrifice yourself in the process, and come to the realization years later that it was a wasted effort. @SuzyOsunshine you will get past this and find yourself in a better place.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Cromer said:


> "Love" isn't worth sacrificing your physical, mental, and emotional health over and it took me a long time to see it. There is so much pain in these forums, especially with people who found themselves betrayed by their SO. But there is also a lot of joy that came after the pain. I've read many stories that spanned years that started with the most horrible betrayals imaginable (i.e. wife cheated on me with a friend for 6 years) and now have a very happy situation (e.g. I divorced her, am happily remarried, have children now and alimony is finally over). Not that this applies to you but after doing so much reading here, I could never reconcile with a cheater or someone who confessed to having no feelings for me. It seems to almost never end well. The same applies when trying to make it work with someone who doesn't love you anymore. You will only sacrifice yourself in the process, and come to the realization years later that it was a wasted effort. @SuzyOsunshine you will get past this and find yourself in a better place.


Ah, yes, when we are deep in the valley, we think we will never get out. this is it. we are stuck here forever. that mountain out on the horizon is way too far away and
probably un-climbable anyway. and what's on the other side? more grief? once in a while this may be true, unfortunately. but way more often than not our journey 
leads us up that mountain to new meadows and pastures that we never thought possible.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Whether he loves you or not, you’d already decided to divorce him, correct?

So what’s the difference?


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

Taxman said:


> Suzy, first hugs to you, second, life is too damn short to waste it with someone who cannot return the feelings. You know now what needs to be done. Let me tell you, I work to a great extent in the divorce industry. I represent a good number of women of all ages. Let me state this for the record; "The game ain't over til it is over." I have, in the last few years, lost two women to their new beau's accountant, and I have gained five new gentlemen that have gone into new relationships. Every one of those people were over 45. Each one was convinced, when their marriages were over, that they would end up alone. Nonsense. One lovely lady, a psychologist in her late 60's, introduced me to her new man. We are making plans for her to sell her practice, and she is going to travel with him. I bought them a bottle of champagne and told them to go out and have fun. I guess I am an old yenta, and just like fixing people up.


That is very encouraging. Maybe I'll be on a cruise with a new man a few years from now. My husband doesn't like boats, so I've never been on a cruise in my life. There are all kinds of possibility, but the biggest one is the opportunity to be alone, not stressed about "does he love me, doesn't he love me?" I love myself and that is going to be the prime motivator in my life


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

jorgegene said:


> Ah, yes, when we are deep in the valley, we think we will never get out. this is it. we are stuck here forever. that mountain out on the horizon is way too far away and
> probably un-climbable anyway. and what's on the other side? more grief? once in a while this may be true, unfortunately. but way more often than not our journey
> leads us up that mountain to new meadows and pastures that we never thought possible.


Thank you. You painted a lovely picture of a future ripe with beautiful moments.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Your husband does not know his ass from his right hand... He admitted he does not love you. I dont know your husband but to say such a thing while the last months he pressures you about having another family? 

I think he has a impregnation fetish brought on by NOT having any biological kids. Yes he CLAIMS that adoption right now is viable but the reality it's a bandaid for the pain and confusion he has from never having kids of his own and now it is TOO LATE rationally. 

He is freeing you from this rollercoaster. I do not see him being happy, I do however see him probably meeting someone and impregnating them and regretting it. He will not survive parenthood at such an age. 

Im so so so sorry for your pain, but this is not about love. This is biology....and he is letting biology delete compassion and love.


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

threelittlestars said:


> Your husband does not know his ass from his right hand... He admitted he does not love you. I dont know your husband but to say such a thing while the last months he pressures you about having another family?
> 
> I think he has a impregnation fetish brought on by NOT having any biological kids. Yes he CLAIMS that adoption right now is viable but the reality it's a bandaid for the pain and confusion he has from never having kids of his own and now it is TOO LATE rationally.
> 
> ...


His delayed obsession with a child, I believe has a great deal to do with old age and not being able to accept that we are all on a slippery slope to death. He won't (and never would) watch Funeral Home commercials. He will break his neck to get to the remote and change the channel. He didn't so much TELL me he didn't love me as finally NOT deny it when I asked him when did he stop. Today, he is desperately begging me to go on a trip with him. I told him no way in hell would I put myself on a plane and go to a hotel where I have no way to escape the pain of being in a room with him. I have expectations while being married and intimacy (and not just fun sex) is one of my expectations. I won't live a loveless marriage. I would rather be alone and yes, I've been alone with 2 young children and I did just fine. I dated every other weekend and was in no hurry to get married again. It was almost 3 years after my divorce that I married my husband of today. It lasted almost 30 years, so I must have done something right, but now it doesn't feel like it. Well, people do grow apart and I truly feel he has a problem feeling love. His therapist said as much. Feelings confuse him.


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