# Wife Has Been Gone for 7 Days



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

She comes home tomorrow night. She's been on a cruise for a week with her mom and her sister. She's been telling me all week that they are having a great time -she calls me several times a day..which is all good..

I just can't believe how much I have missed her. I mean- its almost physically painful! For years I traveled a ton for work -sometimes months at a time. I missed her during that time -but damn -nothing like this. For the last several years I have traveled much less and when I do, she usually comes along and works with me. 

I just got off the phone with her - she talked about her day -she took cooking classes- but then cried a bit and said that it was just too much being away from me for that long. She had fun and needed time to be with her mom and try to get her sister kind-of re-integrated into the family- but doesn't want to do that again. She hadn't done anything like that all week. She told me that she didn't want me to worry or think she wasn't enjoying the trip...I kind of feel like an ass though -It was me and her dad that came up with the idea /booked the trip a year in advance and surprised them all with it. Right now it feels like I surprised her and me both with the gift of mutual pain....

Anyone else have this type of change? We've been together for 26 years now- married almost as long. I would have thought with the history and being apart before it wouldn't be as bad for just a week. But, its been damn hard- too hard. I mean physically painful-if she wouldn't have taken the sat phone- I think I would have been crawling the walls by now. 

Hell, maybe I'm just being a wuss or too sensitive or I don't know what....but it just sucks. 

I wish I had a teleportation device.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Feel ya bro. Been with Mrs. Conan for almost 24 years and really hate being away from her for more than a day.

When it is good, you really become attached in an almost mystical bond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

It's an interesting post. I am split...

I love my "alone" time. I always have and like when wifey goes to visit her parents. 

But when she is elsewhere, even for an evening, I go out of my mind. 

I determined that when I know she is going somewhere very safe I feel good. But when she is going somewhere that guys may be hitting on her or the guy she had an small EA with... is when I stew about things and just wish she were here with me.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I get that about the worry about guys hitting on your wife. I had that early on when we were first married. But..over time i've both seen and heard about her ability to shut them down...it's pretty funny. If someone approaches her and starts a conversation she is kind and polite -but she will work in a quick.."and who are you here with"..if it's a "alone", "with you", "with those guys", etc...(and this is the best part)...her go to is..."Thats nice, it was super-fantastic to meet you..I have go over here now"..she'll walk about 10 feet away and face another direction. 

Hilarious. She's a beautiful lady, she really is..because of that, I think, she has lived with the random approach for a long time. She is cool as a cucumber. I've really only seen her distressed a few times..one was a middle school boyfriend that found her on facebook...she was polite and asked after his family...before long he was professing his undying love and on and on. Freaked her right out. That was the end of her facebook. Now she just uses mine to trade photos with our family (she promptly girl'rd it all up too). 

The flip side of your wife having a problem before..is that she now knows that things can go awry and she is probably much more guarded in her interactions.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

All I will OP is I believe what you and your W have is touching. I would give anything to have those kind of feelings reciprocated.


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

Jeez... I miss my wife even when I'm in the same room!
I crave her... churn for her.

Don't think its reciprocated in exactly the same way but I know she wants to be with me too.

You are lucky OP. Most want to get away from their SO.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is very sweet that you miss her so deeply. 

As someone that has traveled a fair bit both for work and socially, also have been the one left at home alone as kids/ex/current partner travel for work or socially, I can say that for me it is actually harder being the one left at home as the other person is off on an adventure. 

Sounds like a fun time she is having though, would love to go on a cruise.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Just popping in to say it's refreshing to see these kinds of posts. You guys are sweet and lovely. Your wives are blessed to have you.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

^^^Agreed. Posts like this remind me that not all men are evil, haha.  Those words never would have left my ex-husband's mouth once in the 10 years we were together. It's amazing that something as simple as hearing your spouse say they miss you can make all the difference. I am hopeful that someday I'll have a relationship similar to what you and your wife share. You are both lucky to have each other.


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## OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE (Mar 13, 2015)

MarriedDude said:


> She comes home tomorrow night. She's been on a cruise for a week with her mom and her sister. She's been telling me all week that they are having a great time -she calls me several times a day..which is all good..
> 
> I just can't believe how much I have missed her. I mean- its almost physically painful! For years I traveled a ton for work -sometimes months at a time. I missed her during that time -but damn -nothing like this. For the last several years I have traveled much less and when I do, she usually comes along and works with me.
> 
> ...



I never knew other men felt this way too. The thing is my wife is the same way. Been together just shy of 30 years and we still can't keep our hands off of each other.
Congrats to you and the misses. Most people do not make it to this point.


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

OP same here. 30 years together. Traveled in the military early on in our marriage. Very hard on her with 4 young kids. Later I took assignments that keep me home. Probably cost me a promotion or two but that was better than costing me my marriage and family. 

My wife and I are partners in everything. We talk on the phone twice a day while I'm at work and we spend 99% of our free time together. I agree it can be physically painful when she has had to be away for any length of time but I have encouraged her to take some time for family or friends. 

A few years ago her mother was dying as we were in the middle of moving to my current job. Her mom and family who lived/lives in England actually died the day we had to drive 450 miles to the new location. 

It was so hard not being there for her as she had to go through all that. She was miserable too knowing that I was back here moving the family without her. We have always been a team. So she left the country, her home, me and her 4 (20, 21, 25, 26) children in one state and returned to another state, a new home, me and only one of the kids that moved with us. She had to go. We had to move but God it was hard.

My point is that I feel ya bro. We are the same. 

You did the right thing even though it may have been difficult. Doing the right thing is often a lot harder than not. 

Good Luck


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

MarriedDude said:


> She comes home tomorrow night. She's been on a cruise for a week with her mom and her sister. She's been telling me all week that they are having a great time -she calls me several times a day..which is all good..
> 
> I just can't believe how much I have missed her. I mean- its almost physically painful! For years I traveled a ton for work -sometimes months at a time. I missed her during that time -but damn -nothing like this. For the last several years I have traveled much less and when I do, she usually comes along and works with me.
> 
> ...


This is actually quite normal for people who have a good sex life, since sex is similar to addiction chemically:

'In 2000, Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki of University College, London, located the areas of the brain activated by romantic love. They took students who said they were madly in love, put them into a brain scanner, and looked at their patterns of brain activity.

The results were surprising. For a start, a relatively small area of the human brain is active in love, compared with that involved in, say, ordinary friendship. “It is fascinating to reflect”, the pair conclude, “that the face that launched a thousand ships should have done so through such a limited expanse of cortex.” The second surprise was that the brain areas active in love are different from the areas activated in other emotional states, such as fear and anger. Parts of the brain that are love-bitten include the one responsible for gut feelings, and the ones which generate the euphoria induced by drugs such as cocaine. So the brains of people deeply in love do not look like those of people experiencing strong emotions, but instead like those of people snorting coke. Love, in other words, uses the neural mechanisms that are activated during the process of addiction. “We are literally addicted to love,” Dr Young observes.' (from Oxytocin, chemical addiction and the science of love)


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've hardly ever been apart for more than a few days, and that rarely. We love each other's company. Two of our best years together were traveling full-time in a 26-foot RV.

Then a few summers ago she needed to take a course for three months in another country, and that was extremely hard on both of us. There was a feeling of loss and abandonment, even though it was a mutually agreed great idea. She was busy with the course, but I had to find things to keep me occupied and my mind off missing her. Love is an addiction, and for a time we had withdrawal symptoms!


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

MarriedDude, I'm happy for you and the folks here in the same or similar situations.

It makes me a little wistful, though. My wife and I don't have this. I sense that we welcome breaks from each other.

I don't want to be a downer. I think you realize that what you have with your wife is very special. I'm here to affirm that in a big way: it most certainly is, and it's to be treasured.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

technovelist said:


> This is actually quite normal for people who have a good sex life, since sex is similar to addiction chemically:
> 
> 'In 2000, Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki of University College, London, located the areas of the brain activated by romantic love. They took students who said they were madly in love, put them into a brain scanner, and looked at their patterns of brain activity.
> 
> The results were surprising. For a start, a relatively small area of the human brain is active in love, compared with that involved in, say, ordinary friendship. “It is fascinating to reflect”, the pair conclude, “that the face that launched a thousand ships should have done so through such a limited expanse of cortex.” The second surprise was that the brain areas active in love are different from the areas activated in other emotional states, such as fear and anger. Parts of the brain that are love-bitten include the one responsible for gut feelings, and the ones which generate the euphoria induced by drugs such as cocaine. So the brains of people deeply in love do not look like those of people experiencing strong emotions, but instead like those of people snorting coke. *Love, in other words, uses the neural mechanisms that are activated during the process of addiction.* “We are literally addicted to love,” Dr Young observes.' (from Oxytocin, chemical addiction and the science of love)


Well -I'm definitely all cracked out then


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> We've hardly ever been apart for more than a few days, and that rarely. We love each other's company. Two of our best years together were traveling full-time in a 26-foot RV.
> 
> Then a few summers ago she needed to take a course for three months in another country, and that was extremely hard on both of us. There was a feeling of loss and abandonment, even though it was a mutually agreed great idea. She was busy with the course, but I had to find things to keep me occupied and my mind off missing her. Love is an addiction, and for a time we had withdrawal symptoms!


3 months. That musty have been tough. REAL tough. 

living in the RV must have been a good time. We do that on some extended projects -when the site is too remote -we move RV's and an office trailer out there. She has our office trailer set-up quite nicely..it's like being in one of those "Tiny" homes.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE said:


> I never knew other men felt this way too. The thing is my wife is the same way. Been together just shy of 30 years and we still can't keep our hands off of each other.
> Congrats to you and the misses. Most people do not make it to this point.


Thanks for posting that...It's not something I could really talk to any of my friends about...they are all on marriage 2 or higher -and they already think I spend too much time with my wife...

I am pretty damn excited...she is off the boat -and making her way home..gonna be another 12 hours...I tried to give my local crew the day off today -half of them showed up anyway. they told me I have an hour in the office then we are ALL going to be doing demo today -crew leader told me to stop looking like someone told me there wasn't a Santa Claus. 60# Hammers most of the day will keep me occupied and put a smile on my face. I do love the De-Construction process. 

They are pretty good guys.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Vorlon said:


> OP same here. 30 years together. Traveled in the military early on in our marriage. Very hard on her with 4 young kids. Later I took assignments that keep me home. Probably cost me a promotion or two but that was better than costing me my marriage and family.
> 
> My wife and I are partners in everything. We talk on the phone twice a day while I'm at work and we spend 99% of our free time together. I agree it can be physically painful when she has had to be away for any length of time but I have encouraged her to take some time for family or friends.
> 
> ...


My wife came from a military family. Long separations. She has always been very strong about that. I met her when I was in the Army...married pretty quickly...then had a few deployments. Her family background and the model her mother showed her while growing up was that everyone must do their duty with honor. The soldier deployed and the wife at home both sacrifice for something greater than themselves -and what must endure will endure (MIL's words -not mine)...she's a tough -but very sweet lady.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

SoVeryLost said:


> ^^^Agreed. Posts like this remind me that not all men are evil, haha.  Those words never would have left my ex-husband's mouth once in the 10 years we were together. It's amazing that something as simple as hearing your spouse say they miss you can make all the difference. I am hopeful that someday I'll have a relationship similar to what you and your wife share. You are both lucky to have each other.


I'm sure you will find it. 

Thank You! I believe myself to blessed in so many ways...and am smart enough to know that I scarcely deserve it.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have missed SO like this but never had a woman miss me like your wife does. Not words that come out of my mouth often but I'm totally envious.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

it's awesome that after 25 years, you guys love being together and miss each other.

i hope that's true for us years from now (only married two years).

but you know GTdad, i have known a lot of couples (my sister being one, 38 years married) who have great marriages and are still in love after decades, but they are independent people, who don't mind the breaks.

my sister goes to alabama and new york with her friends for a week or so, and her husband does 'guys only' fishing trips every year to alaska or wherever.

yet i can tell they're still in love.

so, i think it's great, that's the kind of marriage i want, but not everyone is that way. not a sign of bad marriage if you don't mind being apart for a week or so.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I'm feeling you man. My W and I have been married 21 years. I have trouble going a day without missing my W. I go to car shows with my friends every now and then. About noon time I'm ready to go home and spend the rest of the day/weekend/evening with my W.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

she's still on the road.....I feel like a kid...is she here yet, is she here yet....

Been playing words with friends with her while they are driving. They stopped to have lunch with one of her aunts..she called when they were leaving to say they were getting back on the road..I could hear her mom in the background..."Slow down missy-girl...he's still going to be there when you get there..we're still stopping at XXXX for tea"...My wife "I'm driving..and there will be no tea". I said they sound like the golden girls...only my SIL laughed. 

Me thinks the ladies have had enough of each other.

My father in law called shortly after to suggest one of two things...either I have all of the ladies come stay at my house- our we both go on a vegas trip for some guy time to let them settle in for a couple days. 

Sorry dad- I am unable to acquiesce to your requests. 

I am ready for this week to be over


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## SunnyWife (Aug 6, 2014)

Hubby & I have the same thing with each other. I've had to travel across the country a few times for family funerals while Hubby stayed behind with the kids. He always booked my flights and my Mom always thought it was sweet how fast he wanted me home -- I was literally in town for the funeral and back on a flight that night. Even for work, Hubby had the opportunity to work up north for a few days (would have been good pay) but he told his boss that his wife didn't like him being out of town. Yup, blame the wife


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I envy you brother. You are one lucky man to have that kind of love in your life. Cherish it. Protect it.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> I envy you brother. You are one lucky man to have that kind of love in your life. Cherish it. Protect it.


Always


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

MarriedDude said:


> My wife came from a military family. Long separations. She has always been very strong about that. I met her when I was in the Army...married pretty quickly...then had a few deployments. Her family background and the model her mother showed her while growing up was that everyone must do their duty with honor. The soldier deployed and the wife at home both sacrifice for something greater than themselves -and what must endure will endure (MIL's words -not mine)...she's a tough -but very sweet lady.


Yes I agree. The Military wife...those that can keep it together are a special breed. Unbelievably tough and independent but able to switch modes in an instant when their husbands come home. 

My wife and I swear that every time I deployed something would break in the house or the car. Then one of the children would have something happen too: sick or at school. Never failed. She in many cases was by far the stronger one. I am truly blessed to have her.


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## Rick Barrow (Apr 14, 2015)

Man, I'm really happy for you, you have a fantastic relationship. Can imagine the moment of meeting each other after a week separation 
I always needed a space for me to be alone for a while. And sometimes I get fed up with being together without a pause.
So your case is perfect, despite the pain that you feel being far away from her.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

My wife is like that. She's actually out of town right now. My wife misses me so deeply. If we're in an extra lovey/euphoric place, she'll miss me even if I'm away in the bathroom! That's extraordinary to me. It amazes me when she goes to the grocery store for 15 minutes and comes back saying how much she missed me.

I'm not like that. I love my wife very deeply, and love people immensely in general; am very open and affectionate. I love this woman so much sometime it drives me to tears and prayers of gratitude often. But I am very good at distance. I always have been. The longer we are together the more I do miss her when we're apart, but it's not that kind of soul breaking, deep aching missing. I've just always enjoyed my alone time, need a lot of it, and get a lot of it in my life. I'm good with separation, especially when I know I'll see a person soon.

My wife and I aren't the kind of couple who spend every waking moment up under each other, and we both have very fulfilling bonds and connections with other people. So that eases things, at least for me. I do think if I was more like my wife, or the OP and his wife, it would be so, so much harder to handle distance. If I was just like her we'd both be emotional wrecks at times like this.

*Edit:* I have experienced that kind of raw, painful, panicked response if I can't get in touch with her. There have been some times where her phone has died and I couldn't reach her that I, a typically very calm man, have been driven nearly mad. There was an incident recently at a movie theater where we got separated and I couldn't reach her. I had to bully my way back upstairs into the theater and when I saw her (her phone had died and some random woman had gotten into a convo with her and she was too polite to cut it off) I broke out running toward her, threw my arms around her and just cried in the middle of the movie theater while everyone watched (the woman she was with apologized profusely but complimented her on having such a impassioned husband LOL). The thought of something happening to her, of us being separated permanently, is literally unbearable. It's something that I can't spend time pontificating on.


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