# My soon to be ex is checking me out on fb



## anna88 (Dec 10, 2017)

I don't know if you remember me and my story. I have been married for 10 years, 2 kids, he was abusive, I got a restraining order against him. Now we are in the middle of a nasty divorce. He already moved on and has another relationship. He doesn't care about the kids, he rarely comes to see them. He blames me for the failure of the marriage. Lately I realised he is using my mother's fb account to check me up. I noticed this because my mum is never on fb and she has a very easy password. Someone used my mother's account to see my stories. It can only be my ex. Why does he do it? Does he still care? Or is just pure curiosity? I am wondering and a part of me wishes he still cared for me and the kids...


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

He a child still, and not man enough to come right out and ask . He's using anything he can to use against you. Delete your mother's account and make her another with a simple pass word. He has made you co-dependent and your hope sadly is only one way. No you are already to a point where he show no change. Nip it in the bud.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Probably curiosity, or hoping to find something he can use against you to make the divorce uglier. It's really not that unusual to snoop on the ex/soon to be ex, people want to feel good about themselves and check that their life is better than the ex's. 

If it was because he cared he would of reached out at least to the children.

Have your mom change her password.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Something you say on FB could be used against you in the divorce. Or just curiosity.

I would post something like this: “So much happier now! Never realized a man could please me like this. Finally a man equipped for the job. Finally a man who knows how to use it. No more faking for me! I feel so sorry for his new woman. Faking is no fun.”

See if he reacts. If so, you know he’s using your mom’s account.

No, he doesn’t care about you and the kids. His old family is divorcing him. He has a new family now.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> Someone used my mother's account to see my stories. It can only be my ex.


What are you seeing that leads you to that conclusion?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i hope by now you blocked him on your mom's account and changed the passwords....let's face it we live in a social media environment, while possible to live off the grid it is becoming harder. I would very much suggest you reconsider what you post for the time being, i would limit your connection to all social media until the divorce is over and for some time after that.


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## EmeryB (Aug 15, 2019)

I think people stalk others on social media out of curiosity mostly, but your STBXH is probably also wondering if you're posting things specifically about him -- or about anything that pertains to your divorce. I know my XH did that and I knew it was because he was sure I was posting about his lying, cheating ass! . But nope, never did that even once. So hopefully you're not putting your personal business on FB --- while it is entertaining for everyone else, it's never a good idea, especially when you're in the middle of a divorce 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## anna88 (Dec 10, 2017)

My mother is not using her account. But she seems to look at my stories and is often online. Talked with her, she is not on fb and not looking at the stories I post.


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## anna88 (Dec 10, 2017)

CraigBesuden said:


> Something you say on FB could be used against you in the divorce. Or just curiosity.
> 
> I would post something like this: “So much happier now! Never realized a man could please me like this. Finally a man equipped for the job. Finally a man who knows how to use it. No more faking for me! I feel so sorry for his new woman. Faking is no fun.”
> 
> ...




He is not divorcing his kids...


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

It's in your best interest to not be on that crap anyway........


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

anna88 said:


> I don't know if you remember me and my story. I have been married for 10 years, 2 kids, he was abusive, I got a restraining order against him. Now we are in the middle of a nasty divorce. He already moved on and has another relationship. He doesn't care about the kids, he rarely comes to see them. He blames me for the failure of the marriage. Lately I realised he is using my mother's fb account to check me up. I noticed this because my mum is never on fb and she has a very easy password. Someone used my mother's account to see my stories. It can only be my ex. Why does he do it? Does he still care? Or is just pure curiosity? I am wondering and a part of me wishes he still cared for me and the kids...


*A loser's defense mechanism! 

Get to a lawyer, start the wheels turning, and put him squarely in the rear-view mirror!*


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

anna88 said:


> My mother is not using her account. But she seems to look at my stories and is often online. Talked with her, she is not on fb and not looking at the stories I post.


*You can't track when someone "LOOKS" at your stories or pictures.*

Is he LIKING your posts or putting hearts on your posts using your mother's profile to do it? Is that what you mean?

Because otherwise, this whole thing doesn't make sense.

And quite honestly, I think you're hoping that's what's happening so you're reading into something that probably isn't even happening because you have no clue whose looking at your stuff. And unless he's purposely logging into your mother's account to gather intel for your upcoming divorce by looking at your stuff, you STILL wouldn't know he's doing it because you can't track it. I think you're reaching because you want to believe he's doing it.

And have your mother change her password. Why are you sitting around being OK with this ass-hole possibly infringing on your mother's privacy and supposedly logging into her FB account???? Why is that OK with you?

And as far as wishing he still cared, well that's just the victim in you talking. You haven't been away from your abuser long enough to be disgusted by him just yet. But you will.

I certainly hope you've put a child support order in place. That's the LAW, no matter how much he tries to bully you into not doing it. If you don't have one, *GET* one. Just because he's a complete failure as a father doesn't mean he's not responsible for the children he CHOSE to put on this earth.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

anna88 said:


> He is not divorcing his kids...


Sure he is. He's already moved on with someone else and you said yourself that you wish he still cared for you AND your kids. That statement right there says it all about Father of the Year.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> Something you say on FB could be used against you in the divorce. Or just curiosity.
> 
> I would post something like this: “So much happier now! Never realized a man could please me like this. Finally a man equipped for the job. Finally a man who knows how to use it. No more faking for me! I feel so sorry for his new woman. Faking is no fun.”
> 
> ...


danger will robinson, danger


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I agree with change the password. I only partially agree with things for divorce. Be very careful and do not post anything to FB especially dating, parties or anything containing men. I know this sucks, but abusive men can be extremely jealous and with a restraining order he might be chexking on you to justify hurting you.

I am not saying don't have fun, but don't post your story to FB right now.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Who knows what he's keeping tabs on you. But don't take to mean he's somehow changed and would now be a good husband and father.


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## anna88 (Dec 10, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> anna88 said:
> 
> 
> > He is not divorcing his kids...
> ...



I know this is true, but it still hurts. The road to recovery is long and painful.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

anna88 said:


> I don't know if you remember me and my story. I have been married for 10 years, 2 kids, he was abusive, I got a restraining order against him. Now we are in the middle of a nasty divorce. He already moved on and has another relationship. He doesn't care about the kids, he rarely comes to see them. He blames me for the failure of the marriage. Lately I realised he is using my mother's fb account to check me up. I noticed this because my mum is never on fb and she has a very easy password. Someone used my mother's account to see my stories. It can only be my ex. Why does he do it? Does he still care? Or is just pure curiosity? I am wondering and a part of me wishes he still cared for me and the kids...


Maybe a good time to shut down FB. Re-open it when the D is complete. Make it private at that point. In the meantime, call your mom instead. Or maybe make an Instagram account to share pics with your mom.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

anna88 said:


> I don't know if you remember me and my story. I have been married for 10 years, 2 kids, he was abusive, I got a restraining order against him. Now we are in the middle of a nasty divorce. He already moved on and has another relationship. He doesn't care about the kids, he rarely comes to see them. He blames me for the failure of the marriage. Lately I realised he is using my mother's fb account to check me up. I noticed this because my mum is never on fb and she has a very easy password. Someone used my mother's account to see my stories. It can only be my ex. Why does he do it? Does he still care? Or is just pure curiosity? I am wondering and a part of me wishes he still cared for me and the kids...


I would suggest you close all of your social media
accounts. No online activity until past your divorce. 
In your post you said he was abusive, and you got a 
restraining order against him. He blames you for the
marriage failure also. He could be stalking you online.
Trying to figure out where you are going, with who or
anything else he can. Keep the restraining order in place!!

If your kids go to school make sure he cannot pick them up
without your permission. He may already have another relationship,
but he may ( I hope I am wrong!! ) be the type that just will not let it go.
Nasty divorce and all.

I do not mean to alarm you but better to be safe when dealing with this
type of individual. The kids will grow up and understand who has always 
been there for them. (YOU ) They always do.

Take care


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> *You can't track when someone "LOOKS" at your stories or pictures.*


From what I've read, you can know who viewed your *stories* on facebook. You can see how many times they were viewed and who viewed them. That's different from pictures, videos, and status updates which you don't know anything unless someone interacts with it in some way, such as with a like or comment.

I believe Instagram also works the same way. You can see how many times and who viewed your stories, but you don't know who's just viewing the content in the feed.

But I'm just going off what I've read. I haven't actually created a story and seen what stats are reported.


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## EmeryB (Aug 15, 2019)

wilson said:


> From what I've read, you can know who viewed your *stories* on facebook. You can see how many times they were viewed and who viewed them. That's different from pictures, videos, and status updates which you don't know anything unless someone interacts with it in some way, such as with a like or comment.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




This is correct. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## anna88 (Dec 10, 2017)

wilson said:


> She'sStillGotIt said:
> 
> 
> > *You can't track when someone "LOOKS" at your stories or pictures.*
> ...



Yes, on Facebook you can see who viewed your story. This how I found out. " My mother" viewed every one of my stories.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

It isn't uncommon for an anyone's ex to snoop through their FB page. If you're absolutely convinced it's him, you can change your profile settings and block his view of your newsfeed without blocking your mother's account. But if he's blaming you for the marriage failure, you can bet it the reason he's still snooping around isn't good. What you post on social media can be used against you in any capacity.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Easy. Have your mom change her password. Immediately.

Is that your plan?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

wilson said:


> From what I've read, you can know who viewed your *stories* on facebook. You can see how many times they were viewed and who viewed them. That's different from pictures, videos, and status updates which you don't know anything unless someone interacts with it in some way, such as with a like or comment.
> 
> I believe Instagram also works the same way. You can see how many times and who viewed your stories, but you don't know who's just viewing the content in the feed.
> 
> But I'm just going off what I've read. I haven't actually created a story and seen what stats are reported.


Can YOU see who has viewed your Facebook Wall, albums and other elements of your account?

If yes, could tell us the keystrokes as to where to find that info on our accounts?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Can YOU see who has viewed your Facebook Wall, albums and other elements of your account?
> 
> If yes, could tell us the keystrokes as to where to find that info on our accounts?


I don't believe that it is possible to see who viewed the other parts of your account. As far as I know, facebook stories are the only things where facebook lets you know who viewed them.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

wilson said:


> I don't believe that it is possible to see who viewed the other parts of your account. As far as I know, facebook stories are the only things where facebook lets you know who viewed them.


What is "facebook stories?"

I don't see how anyone can view one's photo albums without going into a person's account that they have made public or available to that account's "freinds."


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> What is "facebook stories?"
> 
> I don't see how anyone can view one's photo albums without going into a person's account that they have made public or available to that account's "freinds."


"Facebook stories" are a new feature that they added a few months ago. They are similar to Instagram stories. A story is a special kind of content that only lasts 24 hours and then goes away. When I log into facebook on the computer, the first thing in my newsfeed below the "Create Post" section is something called "Stories". In that section I can create my own story and I can see the stories that my friends have posted. Clicking on one of my friends stories would open it up and let me see the video or picture that they put into the story. That would also update the stats on their end and they would know that I watched the story.

Other things like photo albums, status updates, profile page, don't have the tracking. You can view them without the owner knowing you viewed them.

Let that be a warning to everyone. If you are cyber-stalking someone, don't click on their story!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Thanks @wilson for your clarification.

It's not cyberstalking if you don't contact them. All the information made available is by choice by that person.


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## anna88 (Dec 10, 2017)

NextTimeAround said:


> Thanks @wilson for your clarification.
> 
> It's not cyberstalking if you don't contact them. All the information made available is by choice by that person.



I shared my stories with my friends and family, including my mother. I didn't know he was able to break into her account. I changed the password together with my mother and logged her off all devices. I am not confortable knowing my ex is viewing what I post. I don't know anything about his life, so why should he know my life?


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## anna88 (Dec 10, 2017)

lucy999 said:


> Easy. Have your mom change her password. Immediately.
> 
> Is that your plan?


Yes, we changed the password to her fb account and logged off all the devices.


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## a_mister (Aug 23, 2017)

It's worth noting that there is such a thing as criminal computer trespass in some jurisdictions. That kind of snooping is really troubling.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

This could be, and I stress could, a violation of the restraining order


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

a_mister said:


> It's worth noting that there is such a thing as criminal computer trespass in some jurisdictions. That kind of snooping is really troubling.


What does it entail. does it go after employers who somehow manage to study someone's online activity before the job interview?


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## a_mister (Aug 23, 2017)

NextTimeAround said:


> What does it entail. does it go after employers who somehow manage to study someone's online activity before the job interview?


No, it usually is designed to go after people who log into secured systems where they know they are unauthorized to be. Much like having a key does not mean you are authorized to enter private property, knowing a password does not mean you are authorized to enter a private account.

It's actually not uncommon to use it to go after stalkers who try to break into a victim's social media to read her email, etc. A couple of Pennsylvania state troopers were taken to trial over it a few months ago when one of them thought it'd be fun to log in to an ex's Facebook from the barracks.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

anna88 said:


> My mother is not using her account. But she seems to look at my stories and is often online. Talked with her, she is not on fb and not looking at the stories I post.


If you know your mum's password, log into her account and change it, then tell her the new one.

Or, unfriend her. If she's not on there much it won't matter.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

anna88 said:


> Yes, on Facebook you can see who viewed your story. This how I found out. " My mother" viewed every one of my stories.


That must only be on the app because I can't find where to do it anywhere on the PC...


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