# loving someone who doesn't love me back



## tearsofsadness (Feb 6, 2014)

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site and looking for some advice. 

My husband of 10 yrs. has recently told me that he wants a separation, says he's not sure he still loves me and feels confused. He says that he wants time to sort his feelings out and that he doesn't feel happy in our relationship any more. I have asked him in so many occasions if there is another woman involved and he swears there isn't. I've asked him to please re-consider for its a decision that wont only effect him but our 2 daughters as well. 

He told me that he hasn't been happy for yrs. now and that maybe getting married was a mistake.... a mistake???? seriously!!! just thinking and writing about this makes me feel angry. I do love him and want to work things out but at the same time I feel so sad and pathetic to be begging someone to love me.

I wish i could turn all these feelings i have towards him into anger.


----------



## blackdog (Dec 18, 2013)

If he is THAT unhappy, he will perhaps not be a good partner to have around for the rest of your life in that mood. Sometimes it is a good idea to try a temporary separation. It is quite necessary to set boundaries for such a thing though (how long to try the separation for, who will care for the girls and at what times, etc.). If there is a way to temporarily separate without affecting your daughters too badly at all, that would be nice. That being said, everyone's situation is different. Good luck to you.


----------



## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Is your gut telling you there is another woman? If so, trust it because your gut is usually right. Is he protective of his phone, stays on the computer alot, etc.? Do you have access to your phone records? If so, check to see who he is calling and how much. Has he told you, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" or some variation of that? If so, that is usually code for I'm having an affair. Read about the 180 and implement it and do some investigating. Good luck to you...


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Cheaters will rarely confess when simply asked. And I'm saying this as someone who cheated on my wife. If it's reached the point that he's asking for a separation, there's nothing in it for him to confess. 

I'm not saying he is or isn't. I am saying that you should take everything he says with a 5 pound bag of salt. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Listen to Karole. He's not happy? Ok, give him what he wants. Start divorce proceedings. You can't be happy loving someone who doesn't love you. If he loved you he wouldn't want to leave you.


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

tearsofsadness said:


> Hi everyone, I'm new to this site and looking for some advice.
> 
> My husband of 10 yrs. has recently told me that he wants a separation, says he's not sure he still loves me and feels confused. He says that he wants time to sort his feelings out and that he doesn't feel happy in our relationship any more. I have asked him in so many occasions if there is another woman involved and he swears there isn't. I've asked him to please re-consider for its a decision that wont only effect him but our 2 daughters as well.
> 
> ...


Call him on his cake eating and speak to an attorney. Have him draw up divorce papers and ask for full custody and child support if the kids are under 18.


----------



## KeepLookingUp (Feb 6, 2014)

My W of 7 years (together for 13) has been telling me this same thing for the past 3 years. It's not easy to hear, especially from someone who you've invested so much into. It broke my heart every time she would mention it. We're now on a 'trial' separation, I've moved out and I'll be honest it sucks. 

You shouldn't have to beg someone to love you, forced love isn't real love. I know I don't want that for my life. 

Best of luck to you. It's not easy, but know that you're not alone.


----------



## 2hearts (Mar 7, 2014)

I'm new to this site too. I read your post while searching for support for myself. Our stories are so similar. Just 2 nights ago my husband of 15 years told me the same thing. He's angry with me because he has all of these desires to be intimate with other women...says its a guy thing but because of the guilt he would feel he doesn't! He claims all men cheat! I know he wants to but because we are married he won't....says he doesn't want anything more than just sex from another woman...loves me and is happy with the family and "us" but can't help but have the urge for other woman. I won't give him a pass....and because of that stand to loose him! I hat the thought of our family breaking up, but he says now he can't take it, that he should have never married me- I know your pain and just wish I knew how to make it of away


----------



## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

Sanity said:


> Call him on his cake eating and speak to an attorney. Have him draw up divorce papers and ask for full custody and child support if the kids are under 18.


Never use kids as a weapon to retaliate against a spouse. Kids need both mom and dad equally.


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

They always say there isn't another woman. Make sure you're absolutely positive there isn't because this is exactly what my ex said to me and there were numerous others. He denies being 'unfaithful' to this day and yet was taking other women out for drinks and moved someone in the week he left. 

Those vague notions of 'being unhappy' and 'not sure if I'm in love' and 'feeling confused' and 'needing space' often means 'I want to play with someone else'

Go cold as ice - it took me a little while but you have to get there. I don't want anyone who doesn't want me. Might be scary at first but what is a life with someone who feels half-hearted about you?


----------



## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

tearsofsadness said:


> My husband of 10 yrs. has recently told me that he wants a separation, says he's not sure he still loves me and feels confused. He says that he wants time to sort his feelings out and that he doesn't feel happy in our relationship any more. I have asked him in so many occasions if there is another woman involved and he swears there isn't. I've asked him to please re-consider for its a decision that wont only effect him but our 2 daughters as well. I wish i could turn all these feelings i have towards him into anger.


Ah, the old "I'm confused, I'm not happy, I need time" routine.

I'll tell you what he's saying. "I'm not sure if I want to be married to you or if I want a relationship with the other woman I'm currently seeing behind your back."

Why be with someone who doesn't freely give their love to you? What kind of man would abandon his family? If he truly loved you, he would be asking you for help to help him regain those feelings for you.

The man would do anything and everything to keep his family intact. Don't beg for his love, you deserve better than that.


----------

