# Husband left the country unannounced



## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

Hello, 
We got married outside the USA 25 years ago based on our religious customs. My husband left the country a month back, unannounced leaving a separation letter on the dining table. One of his friends when I called him said he does not live in the country anymore but does not know which country he moved to. He left the primary residence, car and 10K for me. But took all the rest of the money which is a lot. I don't know where he moved or where he lives now. How do I take him to court and claim equitable distribution of assets? Even if I track him, is he obligated to return to the country and face the courts? If I track him and send the divorce papers through the server, is he required by law to respond? We both are USA citizens and we have three children who are above 20 years. He has not spoken to any of the children. He put in their bank accounts enough money for cover their education expenses. I am really confused and emotionally disturbed by this behavior. Any help or pointers would be greatly appreciated. When he does eventually return to USA, can I have him arrested for abandonment? Has anybody experienced something like this? How did you handle it?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DIDI123 said:


> Hello,
> We got married outside the USA 25 years ago based on our religious customs. My husband left the country a month back, unannounced leaving a separation letter on the dining table. One of his friends when I called him said he does not live in the country anymore but does not know which country he moved to. He left the primary residence, car and 10K for me. But took all the rest of the money which is a lot. I don't know where he moved or where he lives now. How do I take him to court and claim equitable distribution of assets? Even if I track him, is he obligated to return to the country and face the courts? If I track him and send the divorce papers through the server, is he required by law to respond? We both are USA citizens and we have three children who are above 20 years. He has not spoken to any of the children. He put in their bank accounts enough money for cover their education expenses. I am really confused and emotionally disturbed by this behavior. Any help or pointers would be greatly appreciated. When he does eventually return to USA, can I have him arrested for abandonment? Has anybody experienced something like this? How did you handle it?


I had a friend recently whose husband had threatened to do that, so she addressed it with her attorney during the divorce. Get an attorney and get a freeze put on his passport. He abandoned the family. Next time he uses the passport, he will have it confiscated (wherever he is) and be picked up. This is work for an attorney. But yes, they can freeze his passport. Can't serve him until they get their hands on him and if he isn't traveling with passport, that could take awhile. But get your attorney started on this. They will have to get a court order to approve freezing the passport. You must have an attorney. This isn't something you can do yourself. He can pay for a lot of that once he's held accountable since he caused the situation. 

Your attorney can also ask for some records and see if his division of assets was at all equitable.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You should seek legal counsel, because he is considering this a separation, where it sounds more like he has deserted you. Even though he has provided some financial assistance to the kids, he has taken more than his share (from what you're saying) of assets. Definitely get a good lawyer, to assist you through this situation. I don't think what he's done is a crime in terms of leaving, but taking a large sum of money without you're consent, could be? But, it's not a separation, because a separation takes into consideration that both spouses were in agreement, and consenting to it. Good luck, so sorry you're enduring this right now. 😥


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

By the way, my friend's husband abandoned his daughter, and she is all kinds of messed up over that. Then at the mediation, he tried to blame that on my friend, and my friend spoke up (had been letting the attorney do all the talking) and said that wasn't true and that she would agree to any type of visitation to keep him from abandoning his daughter. My friend had been abandoned as a child too and knows how it affected her choice her whole life (how she ended up with this POS). So I feel for you and your kids. 

You must have an attorney, but in the end, they can't force him to SEE the kids, but they could charge him, though unlikely. They take all that into consideration and they decide what he owes for their future care, not him. However, once you have an attorney (and maybe the attorney's accountant) look it all over, if he paid close to what he would owe under a divorce settlement ruling, then spending tons of more money to retrieve him would be a foolish financial move. If he still owes alot, though, that's a different matter. 

But the problem is if you don't have access to all his financial and tax records, he may not be planning on producing him (My friend's husband didn't but it backfired on him). So that's where the attorney and judge can help. Judges take into considering and assign credibility to those who cooperate, not those who don't.


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I had a friend recently whose husband had threatened to do that, so she addressed it with her attorney during the divorce. Get an attorney and get a freeze put on his passport. He abandoned the family. Next time he uses the passport, he will have it confiscated (wherever he is) and be picked up. This is work for an attorney. But yes, they can freeze his passport. Can't serve him until they get their hands on him and if he isn't traveling with passport, that could take awhile. But get your attorney started on this. They will have to get a court order to approve freezing the passport. You must have an attorney. This isn't something you can do yourself. He can pay for a lot of that once he's held accountable since he caused the situation.
> 
> Your attorney can also ask for some records and see if his division of assets was at all equitable.


Thank you for the quick response. I had a consultation with an attorney and he said there is not much they can do if we don't know the whereabouts of the person or which country he is in. I asked if we can put a freeze on his passport, he said, divorce is considered a civil case and it is not a criminal case. They may not be able to put a freeze on his passport in a civil case. If the children were below 18, abandoning the children and trying not to pay for the child support may be considered by some judges as criminal. But in my case, all the three are above 18 and only one has a year left in the college. The other two have jobs and independent. I asked if I can have a complaint out there to have him arrested whenever he happens to come back to the USA. Even that does not seem possible. 

If there are any attorneys on this forum, I would appreciate it if they chime in.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Not a lawyer, but I don’t see how you can make him return to the US since he didn’t break any laws. Equitable distribution is based on the day of separation. And it sounds like that’s the day he left the country. 

But a judge will definitely grant you a divorce due to abandonment.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DIDI123 said:


> Thank you for the quick response. I had a consultation with an attorney and he said there is not much they can do if we don't know the whereabouts of the person or which country he is in. I asked if we can put a freeze on his passport, he said, divorce is considered a civil case and it is not a criminal case. They may not be able to put a freeze on his passport in a civil case. If the children were below 18, abandoning the children and trying not to pay for the child support may be considered by some judges as criminal. But in my case, all the three are above 18 and only one has a year left in the college. The other two have jobs and independent. I asked if I can have a complaint out there to have him arrested whenever he happens to come back to the USA. Even that does not seem possible.
> 
> If there are any attorneys on this forum, I would appreciate it if they chime in.


You might get a second opinion. I'm in Texas. The youngest child of my friend's was a teen, still underaged. The attorney was prepared to ask a court to freeze his passport if he took off with assets. I mean, he can't just run off with the money that belongs jointly to you. If the kids are over 18, no you can't get him for abandonment, but shame on him. 

It would have cost more than it was worth to investigate and find his assets without any cooperation. Not worth it. But he was hiding assets and that's why my friend got 75% of the sale of the house, which she hopes was their biggest asset (a paid-for house). So that was the easy way to do it to get the support he owed the child and most practical thing to do to recoup her share of money he was hiding (he had prior good employment for years, but quit work last 2 years and was spending their joint money not working. It isn't a good look. 

Do you have a home that is paid for that maybe you can get that put solely in your name? There are good and bad attorneys. My friend had a really good one. If you guys own a house or other assets, you should be able to get your part of those or better since he isn't cooperating.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So yeah, you had a consultation. Now go have another consultation with another family law attorney.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

DIDI123 said:


> Hello,
> We got married outside the USA 25 years ago based on our religious customs. My husband left the country a month back, unannounced leaving a separation letter on the dining table. One of his friends when I called him said he does not live in the country anymore but does not know which country he moved to. He left the primary residence, car and 10K for me. But took all the rest of the money which is a lot. I don't know where he moved or where he lives now. How do I take him to court and claim equitable distribution of assets? Even if I track him, is he obligated to return to the country and face the courts? If I track him and send the divorce papers through the server, is he required by law to respond? We both are USA citizens and we have three children who are above 20 years. He has not spoken to any of the children. He put in their bank accounts enough money for cover their education expenses. I am really confused and emotionally disturbed by this behavior. Any help or pointers would be greatly appreciated. When he does eventually return to USA, can I have him arrested for abandonment? Has anybody experienced something like this? How did you handle it?


You need to find a really good attorney that is specialized in international divorce laws and/or extracting money from people who do not live in the USA.

His being a US citizen is a plus, up until he renounces his citizenship. It sounds like he is reasonably financially well off. If that has been because of the work he has done in the USA, that is a potential plus. If he has been employed in the USA for decades, he will likely have amassed a fair amount of Social Security Administration earnings. If SSA recognizes you have been married for over 10 years prior to divorce (you said you are not yet divorced, but separated), you can request a court order to garnishee a portion of any social security payments (SSA garnishement rules).

Talk to an attorney quickly. I would file for divorce quickly. I would further ask your attorney if he can work with the State Department so you can establish where you soon to be ex is and file papers, legal notices both in your home area and in the jurisdiction where he is physically located. He has to use his passport, so State Department should be able to find out where one of our US citizens is located with the help of a foreign government.

Alternately, he probably left the country by an airline (or some other mode of public transportation). If so can you call your credit card companies to find out if any tickets had been purchased and where the final destination was? I mean you typically don't pay cash to leave the country without raising a lot of flags.

Perhaps after talking to an attorney, filing a missing person's report with the police might be in order. Keep your children informed as to what you are doing, in case they hear from him. Let them know that you will move heaven and earth to find him and the sooner he contacts you, the better it will be for everyone.

There are also professional skip tracers who look at all his family, friend, connections and use what professional skills he has to track down his new employer or source of income. Skip tracers are good at finding people.

Good luck

P.S. Find a different attorney. Time to find out the source of those deposits and then have an attorney talk to the banks that transferred the money or the credit card companies involved with payments. In most community property states your name as a wife should be on the accounts and even if not, you have a legal right to know what was withdrawn from community property and who (airline, child for college account, transfer to a foreign bank, etc) any money was sent to. Find an attorney who will fight for you.


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> Not a lawyer, but I don’t see how you can make him return to the US since he didn’t break any laws. Equitable distribution is based on the day of separation. And it sounds like that’s the day he left the country.
> 
> But a judge will definitely grant you a divorce due to abandonment.


You are right. My attorney said we can serve him by publication and the judge will grant the divorce. That is not an issue. But he took lot more money with him and I did not get my fair share. I probably am owed at least few more hundred thousands in my opinion.


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> You need to find a really good attorney that is specialized in international divorce laws and/or extracting money from people who do not live in the USA.
> 
> His being a US citizen is a plus, up until he renounces his citizenship. It sounds like he is reasonably financially well off. If that has been because of the work he has done in the USA, that is a potential plus. If he has been employed in the USA for decades, he will likely have amassed a fair amount of Social Security Administration earnings. If SSA recognizes you have been married for over 10 years prior to divorce (you said you are not yet divorced, but separated), you can request a court order to garnishee a portion of any social security payments (SSA garnishement rules).
> 
> ...


Thank you. Lot of good pointers. I have a call with my attorney on Wednesday and I will check with him on what you have said. I called the credit card company and they said they cannot give any information about his account. Our join bank account does not have much. He must have made the transactions from his personal account and the bank said they cannot give information about that account. I forgot to mention - before leaving he had stopped by the police department and notified them that he is moving out of the house due to marital problems and no missing person report should be considered.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Talk to another attorney. I don't see why they wouldn't be able to issue an international warrant if he took off with your joint money -- unless what he left you and the kids is roughly half. International warrant, ICE could pick him up. It is true though that it can cost more to retrieve him and that money than it might be worth. Attorney fees for starters, but also it could take a very long time of paying attorneys. I would find out more. Google for local firms and maybe the word "international" and just see if any specialize in that. Here in Texas, we have a lot of illegal people here coming and going but I don't know where you're at. Maybe you are somewhere they are not used to dealing with this.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

DIDI123 said:


> You are right. My attorney said we can serve him by publication and the judge will grant the divorce. That is not an issue. But he took lot more money with him and I did not get my fair share. I probably am owed at least few more hundred thousands in my opinion.


Again not a lawyer, but….he took martial property while you were still married. Pretty sure there’s nothing illegal about that. It would be like you spending $10k on clothes while married. He could get upset, but couldn’t take yuu to court for it since it was yours to spend.

He’s scum for treating you like that. Get a divorce and consider it money well spent


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

DIDI123 said:


> Thank you for the quick response. I had a consultation with an attorney and he said there is not much they can do if we don't know the whereabouts of the person or which country he is in. I asked if we can put a freeze on his passport, he said, divorce is considered a civil case and it is not a criminal case. They may not be able to put a freeze on his passport in a civil case. If the children were below 18, abandoning the children and trying not to pay for the child support may be considered by some judges as criminal. But in my case, all the three are above 18 and only one has a year left in the college. The other two have jobs and independent. I asked if I can have a complaint out there to have him arrested whenever he happens to come back to the USA. Even that does not seem possible.
> 
> If there are any attorneys on this forum, I would appreciate it if they chime in.


You do not want legal advice from a forum. See an attorney


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

DIDI123 said:


> ....I have a call with my attorney on Wednesday and I will check with him on what you have said.
> 
> ...*I called the credit card company and they said they cannot give any information about his account.* Our join bank account does not have much*. He must have made the transactions from his personal account and the bank said they cannot give information about that account.* I forgot to mention - before leaving he had stopped by the police department and notified them that he is moving out of the house due to marital problems and no missing person report should be considered.


Ask the attorney to contact the bank and the credit card companies for a written statement that the community property remaining in your name will never be subject to any claims by either the bank or the credit card company should this man who has fled the country over overdraw an account? I think that the answer from the bank and the credit card company is probably a standard policy response that is not well thought out. If they ever expect to be able to draw upon community property involving YOU, they really should provide you with access. 

For the bank I would ask where they are going to send IRS tax forms? Tell them that since you are still married; ask them where they will be sending the tax forms since you and your "husband" have not yet agreed as to whether you are filing joint or separate tax returns? You might actually want to put that in writing to see what kind of response you get.

If the banks and credit card companies don't help you (which I expect they won't), I would send a letter to various regulatory agencies complaining about what has happened and what you want. Remember that banks and credit card companies are highly regulated at the state and federal level. I expect that their high priced lawyers will blow you off, but it never hurts to try. I would also cancel any ongoing relationship between you and any bank/credit card company that doesn't help. Get your attorney to provide you with a standard letter published in most divorce case settlements that you are no longer responsible for the debts of Mr. X Y Z.

Do any of the statements come to your home address? Do you have computer access to any of the bank or credit card records? Do you have shared credit cards or all they all separate accounts? Did he cancel his cell phone? Does he have any social media accounts that might provide you with clues as to his location? Your adult children might know more about his social media accounts.

Do you know any of his business friends/associates? Often when someone sets up a new life, they need both work and personal references. Asking them if they are contacted by your husband to pass along that you really need to talk to your husband and the sooner it happens the better it will be for everyone as there are a number of serious legal issues that need to be resolved.

P.S. Speaking of Social media, LinkedIn is a great social media data base for professionals.

Hiring a skip tracer is also something you can discuss with your attorney.
What is Skip Tracing


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Unless you are on the accounts any information you get from those banks will have to be subpoenaed and all that takes time and money.

Do not use whatever attorney he ever used or that the two of you ever used and you need the special family law or divorce attorney. Divorce attorneys are typically called family law attorneys but that doesn't mean you should use your family attorney that you use for general things.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Go online and view your phone bill. That may give you a good clue.


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

Met a new attorney this afternoon. He pretty much said there is nothing we can do other than do the publication and get the divorce granted in the absence of the husband. Unless I have money to spare in which case we can hire a private investigator and trace people to go after him. Even if we find him, we may not be able to bring him here to face the courts. I am going to get another opinion from another family law attorney. I asked him if we can put a freeze on the passport, he said no. I asked him about the international warrant and he said it is for major international criminals and that warrant is put out by Interpol. I also asked him if I can have him arrest whenever he enter the USA again. The attorney does not know and he said he will get back to me. I am going to keep digging and talk to his friends and see if there is a way I can locate him. Meanwhile, I am planning to get the divorce process going.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

DIDI123 said:


> Met a new attorney this afternoon. He pretty much said there is nothing we can do other than do the publication and get the divorce granted in the absence of the husband. Unless I have money to spare in which case we can hire a private investigator and trace people to go after him. Even if we find him, we may not be able to bring him here to face the courts. I am going to get another opinion from another family law attorney. I asked him if we can put a freeze on the passport, he said no. I asked him about the international warrant and he said it is for major international criminals and that warrant is put out by Interpol. I also asked him if I can have him arrest whenever he enter the USA again. The attorney does not know and he said he will get back to me. I am going to keep digging and talk to his friends and see if there is a way I can locate him. Meanwhile, I am planning to get the divorce process going.


I know you're angry and want revenge...I would too. But I would stop wasting your time and stop seeing different attorneys since they're all going to tell you the same thing. Divorce him and move on. Better days are ahead!


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DIDI123 said:


> Even if we find him, we may not be able to bring him here to face the courts.





DIDI123 said:


> I also asked him if I can have him arrest whenever he enter the USA again.


What would be the point of having him arrested? What are you trying to accomplish with this? I apologize if you've already stated it and I missed it. I'm wondering why you are trying to get him back and what you think that will do...


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> What would be the point of having him arrested? What are you trying to accomplish with this? I apologize if you've already stated it and I missed it. I'm wondering why you are trying to get him back and what you think that will do...


I want him to come back and face the court so I get my fair share of the property/asset distribution. He cannot just take all the money and go live happily in a different part of the world without paying any alimony and giving me my fair share.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DIDI123 said:


> Met a new attorney this afternoon. He pretty much said there is nothing we can do other than do the publication and get the divorce granted in the absence of the husband. Unless I have money to spare in which case we can hire a private investigator and trace people to go after him. Even if we find him, we may not be able to bring him here to face the courts. I am going to get another opinion from another family law attorney. I asked him if we can put a freeze on the passport, he said no. I asked him about the international warrant and he said it is for major international criminals and that warrant is put out by Interpol. I also asked him if I can have him arrest whenever he enter the USA again. The attorney does not know and he said he will get back to me. I am going to keep digging and talk to his friends and see if there is a way I can locate him. Meanwhile, I am planning to get the divorce process going.


I'm glad you're getting another opinion on it because he doesn't sound like he's ever dealt with that before which is understandable.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You might look for a law firm that has a branch in Houston since Texas deals with a lot of this type stuff then at least your branch might be able to confer with them or something like that.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DIDI123 said:


> I want him to come back and face the court so I get my fair share of the property/asset distribution. He cannot just take all the money and go live happily in a different part of the world without paying any alimony and giving me my fair share.


I see. I wanted to understand what your reasoning was, that makes sense. Does he have to physically be in the country for the money to be collected? I don't know what the laws around that are, but @DownByTheRiver has good advice, find you a good Texas lawyer who knows how to handle these international cases. We have tons of people from all over the world, so wherever he went there should be someone in Houston who knows how to handle it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I see. I wanted to understand what your reasoning was, that makes sense. Does he have to physically be in the country for the money to be collected? I don't know what the laws around that are, but @DownByTheRiver has good advice, find you a good Texas lawyer who knows how to handle these international cases. We have tons of people from all over the world, so wherever he went there should be someone in Houston who knows how to handle it.


If she could find some firm in Houston that just had dealt with this, and then if they had a location where she's at that would be convenient and they could consult on it. 

My friend had been threatened with that and her attorney knew just what to do if it happened. But it is always possible that it will cost you more money than it's worth and that's always possible when dealing with attorneys or passages of time or having to hire investigators and all that. It might be that the thing with benefit you most is someone to look into your overall finances with him and see if they can get an idea if it would be worth it or not but it wouldn't be easy.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I can't imagine that it would easy or inexpensive to extradite someone, especially depending on where he went. It's an uphill battle for sure.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I can't imagine that it would easy or inexpensive to extradite someone, especially depending on where he went. It's an uphill battle for sure.


It's mostly a matter of putting the warrant out on them and waiting until they go to an airport. It's not about going after them.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's mostly a matter of putting the warrant out on them and waiting until they go to an airport. It's not about going after them.


I wish the OP the best of luck. What he did is horrible and inexcusable and I hope she gets her fair share. Leaving her destitute after she spent over 20 years giving him a family (that he also walked away from without a word) is a pretty jerk move.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DIDI123 said:


> Thank you. Lot of good pointers. I have a call with my attorney on Wednesday and I will check with him on what you have said. I called the credit card company and they said they cannot give any information about his account. Our join bank account does not have much. He must have made the transactions from his personal account and the bank said they cannot give information about that account. I forgot to mention - before leaving he had stopped by the police department and notified them that he is moving out of the house due to marital problems and no missing person report should be considered.


Your attorney can do discovery and get his bank account records as long as the bank is in the US. If it's in another country the attorney might be able to do this but I'm not sure.


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's mostly a matter of putting the warrant out on them and waiting until they go to an airport. It's not about going after them.


@DownByTheRiver - can my attorney put a warrant on him? Because divorce is a civil case, what will be at his disposal to create a warrant? Will they take the civil cases in consideration to put the warrant out?

Also, your friend you said was threatened with something similar and the lawyer knew how to handle it. What method/process did the lawyer use to stop that from happening? Thank you.


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> Your attorney can do discovery and get his bank account records as long as the bank is in the US. If it's in another country the attorney might be able to do this but I'm not sure.


Does my attorney need approval from a judge to be able to do discover? Because when I called the bank and the credit card companies, they declined to provide any details. If my attorney calls the bank and the credit card companies, I am assuming he will get the same response. How can my attorney get details of his bank account?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DIDI123 said:


> @DownByTheRiver - can my attorney put a warrant on him? Because divorce is a civil case, what will be at his disposal to create a warrant? Will they take the civil cases in consideration to put the warrant out?
> 
> Also, your friend you said was threatened with something similar and the lawyer knew how to handle it. What method/process did the lawyer use to stop that from happening? Thank you.


It has to be a judge. 

He had made threats twice to just leave the country (he wasn't from any other country either). She prepared to act on it but it never happened. But he did hide money. Not enough money to make it worth the years it would take to investigate and recover -- so the wife got most of the sale of their biggest material asset, the home, since he wouldn't cooperate and produce documents that were subponaed. 

All that has to go through a court. And if they flee to the right countries, they will be safe unless they do air travel using their passport. There is a kind of famous case where a son was kidnapped to a foreign country and because the country wasn't cooperative and the mother knew better than to travel or she'd be picked up, she was never picked up, but her poor parents were and did jail time. She let her own elderly parents do jail time rather than do the right thing after kidnapping the kid to that country. The parents did time for aiding and abetting her. They were rich in that country, so the country wouldn't cooperate.

Unless this guy is rich, it just may not be worth the time and money, but that is not fair, is it? 

And that was a federal case because kidnapping was involved. Not so in this case. I hope you find someone who is familiar with this and can give you good advice on it so you can do whatever you need to do confidently. For sure, you should go ahead and get a job if you don't have one, because it takes a long time even on a simple divorce.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

The best thing for you to do is go get a job. If they find him it will take a long time to get any actual money from him. If all you have is 10k, you need some money coming in ASAP.


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It has to be a judge.
> 
> He had made threats twice to just leave the country (he wasn't from any other country either). She prepared to act on it but it never happened. But he did hide money. Not enough money to make it worth the years it would take to investigate and recover -- so the wife got most of the sale of their biggest material asset, the home, since he wouldn't cooperate and produce documents that were subponaed.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I really appreciate your effort. The more I speak with my attorney, the more he says it is going to be a long effort. In my case, the husband left 50K in my son's bank account. My daughter has finished college and gotten a good job. He left the primary residence for me with a equity of over 200K. I am just confused if it is all worth it to go through the long and tedious process or should I just wait and see how things play out. But if I get the divorce in his absence and then couple of years later, he is back in the US, I cannot reopen the case because the divorce would have been final by that time and I cannot ask the judge to reopen for marital property equitable distribution. It is so confusing.


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## DIDI123 (4 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> The best thing for you to do is go get a job. If they find him it will take a long time to get any actual money from him. If all you have is 10k, you need some money coming in ASAP.


He left 10K cash for me. He transferred the primary home fully under my name relinquishing his part. He put 50K in my son's bank account. You are right - I am actively looking for work.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DIDI123 said:


> He left 10K cash for me. He transferred the primary home fully under my name relinquishing his part. He put 50K in my son's bank account. You are right - I am actively looking for work.


You’re stronger than you know, and no matter what happens you’re better off without him.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DIDI123 said:


> Thank you. I really appreciate your effort. The more I speak with my attorney, the more he says it is going to be a long effort. In my case, the husband left 50K in my son's bank account. My daughter has finished college and gotten a good job. He left the primary residence for me with a equity of over 200K. I am just confused if it is all worth it to go through the long and tedious process or should I just wait and see how things play out. But if I get the divorce in his absence and then couple of years later, he is back in the US, I cannot reopen the case because the divorce would have been final by that time and I cannot ask the judge to reopen for marital property equitable distribution. It is so confusing.


Glad you are making some progress with this. 

Do you have any idea how much money he had in investments such as stocks and bonds or in cash savings? I mean, did he give you access to his books or keep you up on it? I have to say my friend really had no idea. Of course, he was very secretive. But why stay married to someone who doesn't even let you know what the marital assets are? I don't get it, but it happens all the time. But if you yourself have any idea about the amount he was worth or what stocks he had or where he banked, it makes it a little easier. Also, if he might have been careless and left anything behind like paper bank statements, you might want to dig those out. 

But if you have no idea where or what he had, it probably is too much trouble and expense. If he wasn't hiding stuff, he would have gone over all that with you before he left and been transparent or covered himself with an attorney or something. Did he have an attorney? Not that they will talk to you.


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