# Is he cheating?



## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

Thank you to all who read and respond to my post. I know I will get some criticism here but..here goes. My husband and I have had problems in our marriage for quite some time now, even separated for a short time last year but are now back together. We really want to make it work but there is a lot of hurt and anger between us (too much to go into).
I have noticed a lot of changes in him over the past 6 months or so, what I and most would consider "signs of cheating." Things like changing his appearance - working out, new clothes, etc. Also changes somewhat in his personality. (that one is hard to explain, but I know him well, so I notice). I talked with him about how I was feeling and of course he denied any cheating and says what he is doing is only for me and himself.
I decided to see what would happen if he were presented with the situation, so I decided to pose as another woman. I sent him a text simply saying hello, watcha doing, then sorry I have the wrong number. He responded with asking if I were female and said he would like to be friends. The next day he continued texting and even sent a picture of himself. I was actually shocked but decided to keep playing to see what he would do. After a few texts he was wanting to meet.
I later confronted him (not admitting the texts were from me). He denied any wrong doing, saying he thought it was me trying to trick him so he played along. He said he would stop talking to "her", but he hasnt.
There are definitely trust issues here (between us both). Counseling is not an option for us, we simply cant afford it.
Can someone please give me your opinion? Should I pull phone records and confront him again or just let it go and see what happens? I am very hurt and confused. I just dont know what to do!


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

You don't trust him. You feel justified enough to test him and when he fails you don't know what to do?

Seems totally self evident to me.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

katie13 said:


> He said he would stop talking to "her", but he hasnt.


Not withstanding his cover story, there's your answer. If he thought it was you and you told him it wasn't, why would he continue to communicate? Even if he still thinks it's you; same question.

You baited the trap, he got snared. Unfortunately, this type of sting is best set up for a CS who has already "proven" to be unfaithful. My advice is to back off for now, and to continue to monitor him - more covertly and more thoroughly.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

KanDo said:


> You don't trust him. You feel justified enough to test him and when he fails you don't know what to do?
> 
> Seems totally self evident to me.


Short.

Sweet.

True.


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

I tried to back off (stopped the texting) he continued to text "Her" and after the 3rd day I responded saying I had a lot going on. He is still texting saying, "give me a chance with you" and "tell me what you want" (speaking of what "she" wants with him.) 
He tells me every day how much he loves me and acts as if he wants to be by my side every minute. I just dont understand.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

You confronted him with no hard evidence whatsoever. Easily talked out of. You MUST wait before confronting. An absolute must! And you gotta stop letting him talk crap to you. He was chatting up another woman! You allowed him to squirm out of facing it and facing consequences.

What you should have done is seen it through to it's natural conclusion. Set up a date, then you meet him, bump into him by 'accident' and make him squirm. If he goes on the date, absolute proof of bad intentions. Though he will tell you some lie and rubbish again....I just came to meet her, that was it, just friends, I was going to introduce you both, you're so paranoid and don't even allow me any friends...there's something seriously wrong with you. You will say sorry and then wonder what to do now....even though you keep catching him.

However, all is not lost on your current plan, you still have him texting you??? What did you actually confront him with? How much info did you give him? He is surely not this brazen is he?

You know he is cheating. However, if you want to catch him redhanded then you have to monitor, spy and snoop. And do NOT confront til you have solid and total proof. 

What will you do WHEN you have enough to confront? (notice I said when?) 

BTW, you do know that even if you caught him in bed with a naked woman he will probably spin you a story that you might just believe, don't you? Just from what little you write he sounds like a man who would do that. And you sound like you would believe and forgive. Am I being too harsh? Apologies if so. But if it is true then I think building up your own strength, confidence and self esteem should be your number 1 priority. And don't have kids! (too late if you already do)


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

Have you got an attractive friend, that he doesn't know, who you could set up to meet him?


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

katie13 said:


> I tried to back off (stopped the texting) he continued to text "Her" and after the 3rd day I responded saying I had a lot going on. He is still texting saying, "give me a chance with you" and "tell me what you want" (speaking of what "she" wants with him.)
> He tells me every day how much he loves me and acts as if he wants to be by my side every minute. I just dont understand.


I am sorry, I wrote my reply before I read this post.

Hmmm, so, if he is so loving and devoted, what made you suspicious 1st? Surely it can't be just the clothes? 

Some men are totally perfect partners to mask over their shi*ty side.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Robsia said:


> Have you got an attractive friend, that he doesn't know, who you could set up to meet him?


I could do with someone like that for my man. I have a friend too who he would definitely find attractive....don't know if she would do that for me though. And what a difficult thing to ask! Most people I think would say 'well if it has got to that point then you should ditch him'. Not helpful.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

katie13 said:


> I tried to back off (stopped the texting) he continued to text "Her" and after the 3rd day I responded saying I had a lot going on. He is still texting saying, "give me a chance with you" and "tell me what you want" (speaking of what "she" wants with him.)
> He tells me every day how much he loves me and acts as if he wants to be by my side every minute. I just dont understand.


I like the poster's idea about using a friend he doesn't know to be this other woman. But if you do that, you have to be sure that he believes you're not behind it. He can always use the excuse that he knew you were playing him and was giving you payback.

Although, based on what you're describing;that doesn't seem likely.


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

Remains you are right and no u are not being harsh. He knows how to talk to me and make me believe anything even though I know he is doing it. I dont know why I am so weak maybe its just denial. I love him and dont want my marriage to end but I dont want a cheating husband either. 
I dont know how to leave because he plays such a good game and I know he is not going to "let me go". (no he does not hit me) I dont know why this is so hard for me other than the fact that I love him so much and it hurts like hell. Maybe I'm just scared, I dont know. I just need to know "how" to leave. Not sure anyone will understand where I am coming from but if so, please help!!
I think maybe he wants to have his cake and eat it too
his last text to "her" was asking what she wanted. should I text back and ask what his intentions are so I might get a clue of what he is thinking or should I just leave it alone?


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

Call me a fool, but how do you go about texting your own husband and he doesn't see it is your phone # that the texts are coming from? I am so confused!!


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

different phone brokenhearted


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

brokenhearted118 said:


> Call me a fool, but how do you go about texting your own husband and he doesn't see it is your phone # that the texts are coming from? I am so confused!!


Simple, pay cash for an anonymous "burner phone" and sim card at Walmart. No ID required. Perfect for cheaters, or wives anonymously checking up on their husbands.

You wouldn't make a good spy or criminal would you?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Viseral said:


> Simple, pay cash for an anonymous "burner phone" and sim card at Walmart. No ID required. Perfect for cheaters, or wives anonymously checking up on their husbands.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Also Google talk will give you a real phone # to text with, receive VM, basically everything a cell does.

And its free with a gmail account.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Here's the thing...

You "asked" a question. You should be prepared to accept the answer. 

You got your answer. 

Your move, my friend.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Is he a pure texter or does he talk to girls too?

If hes a talker. You are about number 6 this week for me.

VAR = voice activated recorder.

Get sony model icdpx312. Dont go for the cheap ones. Sony! Its 50 bucks at best buy. Go to walmart and get the heavy duty velcro. Attach it under his car seat then get another and hide it wherever he talks inside the house. Generally works best on cheating wives but hey maybe he is a talker.

Did you check the cellbill for suspicious texts?
Facebook for chats?

Separations imho are just a good place for spouses to make it easier to cheat.


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

ok, I pulled phone records and confronted him about the texting. He admitted what he was doing but still lied about some of the content of the texts, but did say that he said things that were inappropriate. He apologized, admitted he was wrong and promised not to talk to "her" again. He even text her and said he was trying to work things out in his marriage and could no longer talk to her. We talked for hours and he seemed sincere, however there is still the fact that he was talking to another woman in the first place. Possibly a stupid mistake made during a rocky time in a marriage? Should I trust that he will be faithful? Obviously I dont think clearly right now, so I really need opinions here!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Keep monitoring. Do the var thing. Sorry. He is probably just going further underground.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

Well, as the "OW" is you, you'll know if he tries to text "her" again. Did you text back when he said he was working on his marriage?

Even if he doesn't text "her" again, there still may be others. Did the phone records reveal texts to any other unusual numbers?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Your trust is gone, OP. You find it difficult to snap your relationship. Understandable.

Will you wake up when he finds another woman?


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## katie13 (Jun 4, 2013)

You are right Robsia. Thats my thinkning too, there may be others. He works out of town and is gone 4 to 5 days a week so I really would never know and he will be careful with the phone since I can check the numbers. I dont think it would be hard for him to cheat without using his phone. Obviously there is no trust here but how can I just walk away without knowing for sure?


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

katie13 said:


> You are right Robsia. Thats my thinkning too, there may be others. He works out of town and is gone 4 to 5 days a week so I really would never know and he will be careful with the phone since I can check the numbers. I dont think it would be hard for him to cheat without using his phone. Obviously there is no trust here but how can I just walk away without knowing for sure?


Don't waste anymore of your time with this man!!!!

The only reason you should want to know is if you are willing to R and I have an interesting history regards working away from home, I had an unhappy marriage that I used work to run away from, I never cheated on my wife, she did the cheating and ended our sham of a marriage, but after my divorce when I started dating again I did abuse my working status as a travelling machine driver to the wrong advantage, I was numb and I didn't care about anyone else at all, and I became a cheater all those years ago, I had a girl at home and just about every town and city I worked in I would hook up with just about any girl I could get my d!ck into!!!!

I hurt one girl very badly, not through getting caught but because I grew up, I stopped living the second lie of a life, my unfortunate issues stemmed from being faithful but unhappy and being cheated on even though I could have done it a million times to her and she never would have known I never did, but after the divorce I just wanted a companion for comfort and to screw around like I was a single teenager again, I ended a relationship that lasted almost a year and for no other reason than I wanted to focus and concentrate on being a man and living an honest life, I had fvcked my way to my senses so to speak.

I know that life, if he is away working and you can't keep proper tabs on him then you need to find a new marriage as this one is over, I speak from experience here, move on and find help to move on out of this situation.

There are others but do you really want to hurt yourself anymore than you are hurting now by knowing just how many others there have been?

Stay strong and find a way to D and move on with your own life, he is busy in his life, the only problem there is that he is most likely living two lives one with you and one without.

Sorry but it ended a long time ago in his eyes and he just keeps you for comfort!!!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What if he recognised the number of the phone it was coming from?
He might have been playing you as much as you were playing him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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