# The baby is mine and he does not know



## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

I started dating this girl, not knowing she was in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one. By the time I found out, it was months down the road and we were inseparable. She already has one kid (1 yr old) from an old abusive ex that is no longer in the picture. Her bf stepped up to take on the father role.

She was living a double life with me, spending the night a few nights a week. She is now pregnant with my daughter but won't face the music and tell him it's not his. At first I thought an abortion would keep the world spinning. I did not want to be a homewrecker. As time passed, I got more and more excited to meet my baby girl. 

She tells me I am way better with the kid and actually play with him. I don't just stick him in the pen and play video games. I am actually present in the relationship.

I feel like she's made up her mind. I want to be a part of her family. She fears that if she comes clean, everyone will hate her and she can't take that stress. I figure that her family will get over it and if she really loves me then we'd have a great home life. Whats more important than that?

I've talked to her about how I feel. We are great together. I can't be the one to out her but every month that passes (4 now) the potential to hurt people gets worse and worse. 

Do I just step out of the picture? I want to be a part of their lives. I heard that when this happens, the truth usually comes out eventually. I think it is better that it happens sooner rather than later.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Does she still want to see both of you?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Wow, what a situation. I wonder if it is legally possible to demand a DNA test when the baby is born?


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

How do you know it is your daughter?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Wow, talk about being careful what you wish for. Here's the deal, stop sleeping with the married women and do whatever it takes to make a DNA test happen. If you're the biological father than co-parent and be there for your daughter. But run like hell from this woman who's had one or more babies through affairs otherwise you'll be raising your daughter and her 1/2 siblings that are supposedly yours later on. You need to see this girl you've been dating for what she is. She's the person cheating, getting pregnant, and tricking her husband.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

They hardly ever have sex and always used a condom. Based on the date of conception there is no doubt.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

manwithnoname said:


> Does she still want to see both of you?


We almost got caught and since then she wants to let things cool off. We still meet but nothing sexual.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

Thundarr said:


> Wow, talk about being careful what you wish for. Here's the deal, stop sleeping with the married women and do whatever it takes to make a DNA test happen. If you're the biological father than co-parent and be there for your daughter. But run like hell from this woman who's had one or more babies through affairs otherwise you'll be raising your daughter and her 1/2 siblings that are supposedly yours later on. You need to see this girl you've been dating for what she is. She's the person cheating, getting pregnant, and tricking her husband.


We know it is mine but if she will not come out to her boyfriend, it is going to be hard for me to co-parent. I know I can't make her do anything but it does not seem fair that I lose out on the great opportunity because she is too scared.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You are not thinking this through.
You are not thinking this half-way through
You are not thinking.

This women of yours, is on her second long term romance.
While in this second long term romance she jumps in the sack with you. She "makes sure" she gets pregnant by you. Oh, yeah...she did this. 
In this day and age this still happens.

She is bedding two men. What a deal for her. The other dude wears a condom because he does not want to get her pregnant. Duh!

This first ex was abusive....says who?
The second and current lover is not having sex with her often..and uses a condom? Why is that? Why is she not on the birth control? Does she have a STD? Hence, the condom use.
If you shack up with her, or heaven forbid, marry her, how many more men will she develop on the side. I suspect the horny lady needs two. More power to her...less to you.

Oh, I forgot. You are better than the first two chumps and you are good with kids.
Now she has a stable guy who likes kids and loves her. This frees up her mind and her time....to find another side piece.

This women cannot get enough sex. One man is one to few. And when one man is jettisoned, another will bone up in his place.

*She does not want to tell her current boyfriend? Why is this? Are you just for sex? He is Plan A....still.*

What a Deal! For her...not you.

Sorry. Get the kid DNA checked as others have suggested. Enjoy the child....from another residence. Let some other dude and more other dudes fill the holes in her life.
Enjoy the little girl. Nothing more.

Hear me?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

basel said:


> We know it is mine but if she will not come out to her boyfriend, it is going to be hard for me to co-parent. I know I can't make her do anything but it does not seem fair that I lose out on the great opportunity because she is too scared.


If you believe this is your daughter then the law is on your side basel. It's in the child's best interests and a right to know who his or her biological parents are and to have an involvement and relationship with them. Additionally the birth certificate is a legal document and there are legal ramifications to knowingly falsifying information on it. If the court is petitioned to correct false information on the birth certificate then they are bound to do so.

SO YES you can force a paternity test and you need to.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Many years ago, I was the night shift manager at a medium sized manufacturing plant.

Half the employees were women. Most were married. At least half of these women were having sexual relations with men, not their husbands. In their cars, in back rooms.

Many got pregnant. This was before DNA testing was available. The women were having a ball, with balls not belonging to their SO.

And yes, the male workers were also having affairs. With coworkers and with others. Including supervisors that worked for me. What a zoo. I was glad to get out of that place with my life. 

Many fights over relationships. Fist fights in the parking lot, mind you!


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## crocus (Apr 8, 2016)

Tough situation. 
Are you giving her money?
It might not be her husbands...and it might not be yours. Hate to point that out. But why not? No boundaries going on anyways.


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## curious234 (Jan 28, 2017)

has she told you in typical wayward style how bad her boyfriend is and you overwhelmingly believes her for your own sake. I think at least you should tell the oppressed Bf the situation and set him free


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You don't know if what she tells you, about him wearing a condom and seldom having sex is true. People to cheat lie. The very fact that she is cheating shows that she has no problem lying.

Ask her to do an DNA test because you want to know if you are the father of this child. Here is a prenatal DNA test that can be done while she is pregnant. It is non-invasive as it uses her blood. Apparently a baby's DNA is present in it's mother's blood during the pregnancy. Here is a site for a company that does them.


http://www.harmonytestusa.com/?utm_...Non Brand&utm_content=Prenatal Test>DNA>Exact

Does she say that this is your baby?

If she loves you, why won't she leave her boyfriend? Does he make a lot more money than you do?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does the father of her other baby pay child support?

Once this baby is born, if it is yours, she can go after you for child support. If that happens, make sure you demand a DNA test before giving her a penny of child support. And make sure that you get 50% custody.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

curious234 said:


> has she told you in typical wayward style how bad her boyfriend is and you overwhelmingly believes her for your own sake. I think at least you should tell the oppressed Bf the situation and set him free


If I do then I for sure lose her but I gain the kid, Trying to save both.

Does she say that this is your baby?

If she loves you, why won't she leave her boyfriend? Does he make a lot more money than you do?

She says it is mine and we talk about her like she is ours. She is too scared that the lies will cause her to lose her support system (family/friends). I make more than him, actually.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you and her?

Does she have a job?

She is living with a boyfriend, not a husband, right? If she is not happy with him, why doesn't she just leave him? Surely her support system would not want her to stay with a guy that she is not happy with.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She is not married, right?


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## crocus (Apr 8, 2016)

Why does her family need to know it's your baby, right now? 
The thing about family and fear, you don't know for sure what someone else is going to do, and you can't control it either. So you focus on what's more important especially when kids are involved. I'm sure her family wants to see her secure, happy.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You both deserve each other. She's a cheating ***** and you became a homewrecker the moment you knew she was living with someone. You should have ended it then. 

Why the hell weren't the two of you using birth control??? Especially after you knew she was living with someone else?

What appalling role models the poor children in this disgusting situation have.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

frusdil said:


> You both deserve each other. She's a cheating ***** and you became a homewrecker the moment you knew she was living with someone. You should have ended it then.
> 
> Why the hell weren't the two of you using birth control??? Especially after you knew she was living with someone else?
> 
> What appalling role models the poor children in this disgusting situation have.


I couldn't agree more with this. I've been cheated on and I tell you what, if it weren't for my daughter, I would of tracked the POS down and beat some sense into him.

This is not some fairytale love story. This is extremely distasteful, and yes you are a homewrecker. You may have genitalia that says you're male, but that's as far as that goes.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You picked a real winner there my friend. I feel back for the baby and the boyfriend.

How could you possibly have a good stable family life with someone who has such low character. This is not a stable women to build a family with. Support your child as it is the honorable thing to do. You say you know the kid is yours, but for all you know she could be ****ing another guy too unbeknownst to both of you. Nothing in her character shows she isn't capable of this. Maybe it's his kid. Bottom line you and you girlfriend need some real help you decision making is very poor and is going to cause you years of pain.

For all you know her boyfriend could be just like you, or he could be a nice guy but just oblivious, she lied to you about him even existing for a long time. 

Your girlfriend is a liar she lies to you how can you trust anything she says, and you ARE a homewrecker. Get used to it that is a label that will be with you now for the rest of your life. One things for sure you two do deserve each other, it's everyone else in your wake that deserve better.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Thundarr said:


> Wow, talk about being careful what you wish for. Here's the deal, stop sleeping with the married women and do whatever it takes to make a DNA test happen. If you're the biological father than co-parent and be there for your daughter. But run like hell from this woman who's had one or more babies through affairs otherwise you'll be raising your daughter and her 1/2 siblings that are supposedly yours later on. You need to see this girl you've been dating for what she is. She's the person cheating, getting pregnant, and tricking her husband.


You act like he deserves better. He deserves to be with this women forever.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

sokillme said:


> You act like he deserves better. He deserves to be with this women forever.


First off, don't ever assume you know the whole picture and pass judgement like this.

I was just here looking for advice on whether to leave her to make the decisions on my role with the her and the kid or if I should put more pressure on her to come clean. 

I understand your point of view but please have a little respect for me and the situation. 

There are kids involved and we are trying to do what is best for them in the long run.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

basel said:


> There are kids involved and we are trying to do what is best for them in the long run.


How old are the two of you?

You said that you two almost got caught, so now she wants to cool it so protect herself from being found out.

If she really wanted to be with you, she would already be with you. She's not married to the guy she's with. He's not the father of her other child. So it's easy for her to leave.

What's best for the child she is pregnant with right now it to do a DNA and find out if you actually the child's father. If you are, then you will need to go to court after the baby is born and sue for paternal rights, visitation/custody and pay child support.

Of course once you do that, her relationship with that other guy is going to fall apart and she will be on her own.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Why would you want to be with this hoe bag! If she cheated with you she will cheat on you! This person has absolutely no moral character. 

Whats best for the unborn child is a paternaty test and you to tell the poor husband what a **** bag his wife is!


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You already are a home wrecker - so a little bit too late to say I don't want to be a home wrecker. You should come clean with her partner and tell him the truth which is "I was going out with your wife/gf and when I found out that she was with you (and that you were a pretty good person who stepped up to be a dad to a kid that wasn't yours), I still decided to carry on with her and we now are having a baby together. What would you like me to do from now on ? "

Then let him decide what's next and if he asks you to back off then you should.

As for whether his miserable cheating wreck of a woman decides to come clean that is up to her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> I couldn't agree more with this. I've been cheated on and I tell you what, if it weren't for my daughter, I would of tracked the POS down and beat some sense into him.
> 
> This is not some fairytale love story. This is extremely distasteful, and yes you are a homewrecker. You may have genitalia that says you're male, but that's as far as that goes.


To add to the fairy tale comes children.

Beautiful innocent children. Their cute faces, single tooth poking out from their lower gum. Looking up at Mommy and Daddy, no, looking at yet another Dude with Mommy.

Plopped into the mix of dysfunctional [adults?].

Adults, chronologically [age] only.

Use birth control...have your fun....less drama.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> Diesel_Bomber said:
> 
> 
> > I couldn't agree more with this. I've been cheated on and I tell you what, if it weren't for my daughter, I would of tracked the POS down and beat some sense into him.
> ...


Yep. The white knight jumps in to save the poor damsel in distress who can't seem to keep her legs together. The kids will end up with the sh!t end of the stick in this disaster and they did nothing. 

There is nothing but an abundance of pain and misery in the many years ahead, all because of a naive white knight playing with fire.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

sokillme said:


> You act like he deserves better. He deserves to be with this women forever.


Lol, no he is exactly where he put himself and he still wants more. It's sad for the little girl.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

basel said:


> They hardly ever have sex and always used a condom. Based on the date of conception there is no doubt.


If they "always" use a condom, then her boyfriend must be wondering how this could have happened. 

As for the "date of conception", you really have no idea what date that was. And you don't really know if she's telling the truth. 

I'd ask her how her boyfriend feels about her pregnancy. Is he happy? Suspicious? I mean, if they weren't having sex around the 'date of conception', what did she tell HIM? 

Like others have said, this woman has lied to her boyfriend numerous times. Don't you think she's capable of lying to you, too?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

crocus said:


> It might not be her husbands...and it might not be yours. Hate to point that out. But why not? No boundaries going on anyways.


I thought this also... if she is able to cheat with you, she is quite possible able to cheat on you.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

basel said:


> They hardly ever have sex and always used a condom. Based on the date of conception there is no doubt.


:lol::lol::lol:

You're young, ain't ya?

Did this story that it's supposedly 'yours' come from _her_, the SAME liar you claim *didn't even tell you* she was living with her boyfriend until months AFTER you started seeing her? Did it come from the SAME lying cheater whose been living with her boyfriend and letting him support her and be a father to her kid while she's been sneaking out to be with you every day?

_*That*_ liar?

How many times are you going to fall for her lies?

Just don't be surprised when one day a new gullible young guy like yourself starts posting here, talking about how he's "secretly in love with some woman whose stuck living with some schmuck she can't stand and she wants to leave so we can be together" .... and blah blah blah.

Well OP, that "schmuck" he'll be referring to is *you*.

She's an opportunist constantly on the hunt for a better deal. You may be that better deal right _now_, but don't be surprised down the road when she dumps you for the next 'better deal' she finds.

If you're SMART, you'll get DNA testing BEFORE she gives birth. If you don't and instead blindly sign that birth certificate as the father,, then you'd be a complete fool.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

basel said:


> I make more than him, actually.


Not surprised.

As I said, she's always looking for the better deal.

That's some piece of work you chose to align yourself with.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So you are ok with a woman who lied and cheated on her partner who had been good enough to take on another mans child? Also lied you you that she was in a relationship for months? 
You cant possible know that this child is yours, it could easily be his or another mans. 
It was completely irresponsible of you to have had sex with her, how would you feel if a man had sex with your partner? As for having sex with no protection, what can I say. 

Get a dna test done as soon as you are able, if the baby is yours then you will have to support that child for 18 years, by then I expect she will have had several more children with several more men. I feel for this poor child I really do.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Vega said:


> If they "always" use a condom, then her boyfriend must be wondering how this could have happened.
> 
> As for the "date of conception", you really have no idea what date that was. And you don't really know if she's telling the truth.
> 
> ...


She has already lied to him, for months.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some people have brought up some good points. 

She said that her bf always use protection and hardly ever have sex, and thus this baby is clearly your baby. Then why is it that her boyfriend does not seem to think this baby is not his baby? Surely he knows that there no way he could have gotten her pregnant.

Either that, or she has been lying to you. And he thinks it's his baby because they are having unprotected sex. And they had that sex around the time that the baby was conceived.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Think with your logical brain please, you other head is what put you in this mess already.

Logically you know she lied to you before, why would she be honest about you being her baby's daddy now?

She doesn't want to leave the BF because you were just a distraction; he is the one she wants to keep. 

The baby is more than likely not yours!

Blow it up and demand a DNA test. That's the only way for all those lies to come front line and center. The truth will be forced to be revealed then.

Stop being a fool for this woman! 

You are not protecting your so called child by believing a proven liar. Expose her shenanigans now!


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> She said that her bf always use protection and hardly ever have sex, and thus this baby is clearly your baby. Then why is it that her boyfriend does not seem to think this baby is not his baby? Surely he knows that there no way he could have gotten her pregnant.


Like I said, people do not get the whole story. Yes, they usually used condoms but on NYE, they were drunk and he didn't. If that had not happened then it would have been impossible to pretend he is the father.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

basel said:


> Like I said, people do not get the whole story. Yes, they usually used condoms but on NYE, they were drunk and he didn't. If that had not happened then it would have been impossible to pretend he is the father.


Ah, so it's completely possible that he's the father of the baby. 

So a DNA test is needed.

Her game with you is to pretend that she knows that you are her baby's father. She does not even know who the father of her baby is. She's playing a game with you and with him. Because you can bet your last dollar that she is telling him that he is the father.

Plus, condoms are not 100% effective in preventing pregnancies.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe it's your baby. Maybe not. Don't rely on what she says. DNA.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

Can we all just pretend that we know it is mine...

I just want to know if I should let them live their happy life without me or if I should tell him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh, that's what you want? 

I think that you need to tell him. If the baby is yours, there is no way you should walk away from your baby.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

basel said:


> Can we all just pretend that we know it is mine...
> .


Uhh...no.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> Many years ago, I was the night shift manager at a medium sized manufacturing plant.
> 
> Half the employees were women. Most were married. At least half of these women were having sexual relations with men, not their husbands. In their cars, in back rooms.
> 
> ...


And that still happens quite a bit apparently.

To the OP. You are in a mess... and likely, you are in an affair fog... You know nothing about that woman. She spends a night a week at your place... but she and her BF worked, paid the bills and run a home. 4 months now of not seeing you, that seems like you were just a penis to her.

This will be baby #2 for her. You can bet there will be a few more, each with a different dad.
You would be doing her boyfriend a FAVOR by telling him that you have been having sex with his GF and its yours. So he can escape from her... sooner or later, he may find out.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

basel said:


> Can we all just pretend that we know it is mine...
> 
> I just want to know if I should let them live their happy life without me or if I should tell him.


Both he and you are mugs to get involved with such an immoral liar, of course he doesn't know what she is like or that she is cheating as yet, or that the child may not be his. Poor man and poor baby.
You have to wonder what he thinks she is doing the night she is with you. I suspect she is claiming the baby is yours to stop you from leaving, but you should have ended it as soon as you realised she was in a live in relationship.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

basel said:


> I started dating this girl, not knowing she was in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one. By the time I found out, it was months down the road and we were inseparable. She already has one kid (1 yr old) from an old abusive ex that is no longer in the picture. Her bf stepped up to take on the father role.
> 
> She was living a double life with me, spending the night a few nights a week. She is now pregnant with my daughter but won't face the music and tell him it's not his. At first I thought an abortion would keep the world spinning. I did not want to be a homewrecker. As time passed, I got more and more excited to meet my baby girl.
> 
> ...


*Late to the party again, but all that I can really say is "Just how low can you go?"*


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## crocus (Apr 8, 2016)

Oh dear. They were drunk and she is pregnant. Are you aware that's how FAS happens? Drinking, and having unprotected sex. I sincerely hope all is well.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

EleGirl;17728913
I think that you need to tell him. If the baby is yours said:


> I know he needs to know and I will be the one to tell him if she will not. We were only assuming it is mine for the sake of the argument.
> 
> Once he knows, we will do a paternity test and then we can figure out what the plan is from there. I am going to talk to her tomorrow and see what she will/won't do.
> 
> I would never walk away from my kid.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

basel said:


> I would never walk away from my kid.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Can you finally walk away from the mother if that kid isn't yours? Can you walk away from the mother if the kid is yours and she dumps you or doesn't stay with you long term?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

basel said:


> I know he needs to know and I will be the one to tell him if she will not. We were only assuming it is mine for the sake of the argument.
> 
> Once he knows, we will do a paternity test and then we can figure out what the plan is from there. I am going to talk to her tomorrow and see what she will/won't do.
> 
> I would never walk away from my kid.


If you were to tell him, how do you see that happening?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

basel said:


> I would never walk away from my kid.


They are not married, right? This is an important question because in many, if not all states, if they are married he will be the legal father no matter what. All children born to the wife of a married man are considered the child of the husband by law.

If they are married, you have no legal ground to try to even see your child, to get a DNA test done, etc.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

Bibi1031 said:


> Can you finally walk away from the mother if that kid isn't yours? Can you walk away from the mother if the kid is yours and she dumps you or doesn't stay with you long term?


Yes and yes. I just hate the situation and need her to step up to her man, family and friends.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

basel said:


> Like I said, people do not get the whole story. Yes, they usually used condoms but on NYE, they were drunk and he didn't. If that had not happened then it would have been impossible to pretend he is the father.


Man I got a nice bridge in Brooklyn I would love to sell you. I also know a guy who has a bank in Africa, but you have to send me money first.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

basel said:


> I know he needs to know and I will be the one to tell him if she will not. We were only assuming it is mine for the sake of the argument.
> 
> Once he knows, we will do a paternity test and then we can figure out what the plan is from there. I am going to talk to her tomorrow and see what she will/won't do.
> 
> I would never walk away from my kid.


Be prepared she my tell you it's his kid and to back off. You have no idea who this women is. She probably doesn't even know herself. The only thing you can say for sure about her is she is very messed up.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

basel said:


> First off, don't ever assume you know the whole picture and pass judgement like this.
> 
> I was just here looking for advice on whether to leave her to make the decisions on my role with the her and the kid or if I should put more pressure on her to come clean.
> 
> ...


Respect is earned.

Please, please don't tell me you care about the kids when you were screwing the one kids mother while she is still living with it's father and lying to him every day. That's rich. Actually the only one who seems to give a damn about the kids is this boyfriend. At least he is doing the honorable thing. In his mind he is trying to support his one kid and now having a second with a women who he has no idea is stabbing him in the back. He is the only one with any honor. I get it she told you he is a bad guy. Let me break it to you, every cheater that has ever lived says that about the person they are cheating on. If she told you he was wonderful would it have been as easy to do it? From his actions at least he is taking responsibility, so that show some character. I would bet money that all the stuff she told you about him is bull****. Let me break it to you, your girlfriend is probably a lying narcissist. I bet in the end you will probably end up liking the boyfriend better then her. At least when you compare notes about how she took both of you for suckers, as she has a baby with man number 3. 

How can you say you care about the kid when, now she is going to have two kids with possibly two separate fathers and a blown up home for each of them. All the parents hating each other. Show a little respect for yourself and at least be honest with what you are and what you have done. How can I or anyone else not pass judgement on you. That's life. When you are a homewrecker, which is what you are, people are going to judge you harshly.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Respect is earned.
> 
> Please, please don't tell me you care about the kids when you were screwing the one kids mother while she is still living with it's father and lying to him every day.


Again, not his kid. But anyway, I know what I did and what I am. I said that because you are not following the rules of the forum and frankly, how does talking trash help anyone?

You can say what you want until you are blue in the face, get angry. But people are here for advice and second opinions.

Enjoy your day...


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## crocus (Apr 8, 2016)

Okay so there is known advice here on how to expose an affair. Would the same tactics be used? 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

crocus said:


> Okay so there is known advice here on how to expose an affair. Would the same tactics be used?


The advice is usually for the betrayed spouse to contact the spouse of the affair partner. So the usual does not work here. That is why I asked him how he thinks he would go about telling her bf.

Were I he, I'm not sure I would go do it in person. Could get my butt beat.

Instead a phone call. Or an email.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

basel said:


> Again, not his kid. But anyway, I know what I did and what I am. I said that because you are not following the rules of the forum and frankly, how does talking trash help anyone?
> 
> You can say what you want until you are blue in the face, get angry. But people are here for advice and second opinions.
> 
> Enjoy your day...


I am not talking trash or angry, that implies I have some sort of personal stake in you. I am just pointing out very plainly and harshly what you have done and who you are right now. You can't demand to be honored when you have none. You say you know what you did but your posts don't seem to show it. How bad can this man who agrees to raise another man's kid be. You don't find it a little odd that his story could be exactly your story a few years ago. Maybe like you, he believes this kid he is helping to raise is his, and she just never told the father because she didn't want to upset anyone. Sounds like that is her MO. 

This women has been playing both of you. You will find out tomorrow when you try to force her hand to tell him. I suspect you will see a very different side of you terribly helpless victim of a girlfriend. When it happens I hope at that point you will remember these posts and start to wise up. Personally I think he is probably just a normal guy who thinks he is doing the best he can and excited about his new child. He thinks everything is going swimmingly. They probably have been having unprotected sex all the time, like people who are living together do. It's just logic there are not many men alive who agree to raise another man's kid and live with a sexless relationship. That really doesn't make logical sense. 

I think you are going to find out you are just this girl's side piece, and maybe just one of them at that. However she will probably string you along as long as she can, until she gets bored and moves on.

Here read this thread from beginning to end, I DARE YOU, the circumstances may be different but this guy is probably a lot closer to who her boyfriend is then who she has told you he is. I bet this is how this guy is going to feel when he finds out. Are you capable of appreciating that OP, and that you were a part of him feeling that way?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

basel said:


> Yes and yes. I just hate the situation and need her to step up to her man, family and friends.


Then expose her. That is the only way she will not string you along with her lies. She either steps up to the plate or you will.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

basel said:


> I understand your point of view but please have a little respect for me and the situation.
> 
> *There are kids involved and we are trying to do what is best for them in the long run*.


It's hard to have respect for someone who knew he was sleeping with a woman who has a child and is living with another man. A man who stepped up and raises another man's child as his own.

Re the bolded - if you _really _wanted what was best for the children, you would have walked away the moment you found out she was living with someone.



Emerging Buddhist said:


> I thought this also... if she is able to cheat with you, she is quite possible able to cheat on you.


Yep. If they do it with you, they'll do it to you.



basel said:


> Again, not his kid...


Sorry but in every way that matters, that child IS his child. He is there. He took on that woman and her child and stepped up. Is he caring for the child while she's out screwing you?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Get a DNA test done. If it is yours, demand parenting rights. The BF will break up with her and you'll have a known cheater with multiple children from multiple fathers. What a catch! 

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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Dump her. Keep your mouth closed for now.

Insist on a dna test after the baby is born.

Your baby, tell him.

Not your baby, walk away from them.

She is cheating on you with him and on him with you.

Hopefully she will smarten up after she has the baby...probably not.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I see you moved to the safer space of SI for this post. Even there I don't think you will get a warm welcome. I hope you at least had the courage to read the post I linked to.

This one is even more like you.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Seriously, you need for this mess to explode in her face. You need to make a video of the two of you where there is not doubt in her BF's head that she may be carrying your child and not his. He will not believe anything else unless he hears it from her own mouth by you tricking her.

She after all tricked you, you need to do the same. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. She tricked you and you still love her. She will love you or not, but you have to take that chance if you honestly believe this baby is yours. Get your rights to that baby! He will definitely dump her once he knows she cheated and may be carrying your child. He will demand a paternity test as will you. 

If you really want to have a relationship with this baby, you need to earn the right to ask for that baby's DNA. Momma doesn't have a say so in this. You have tried to no avail for her to step up to the plate. Too much of a coward to do anything and no problem stringing you along forever until you own what needs to be done.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

sokillme said:


> I see you moved to the safer space of SI for this post. Even there I don't think you will get a warm welcome. I hope you at least had the courage to read the post I linked to.
> 
> This one is even more like you.


Don't take your pain/anger out on me. Don't assume I do not have the courage. I read all 10 pages and appreciate the extra insight as that is my reason for coming here in the first place.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

basel said:


> Don't take your pain/anger out on me. Don't assume I do not have the courage. I read all 10 pages and appreciate the extra insight as that is my reason for coming here in the first place.


haha, whatever dude. Yeah you're a profile in courage.


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

sokillme said:


> haha, whatever dude. Yeah you're a profile in courage.


**** happens, that is why these places exist. At least I am actively trying to figure it out and wrap my head around it.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

If you had any honor,courage,BALLS!

Then you would tell the husband. Quit *****fottin around and tell him. telling her to tell him is like telling a bank robber to turn themselves in. She will just drag it out with excuses and buy time and hope you go away.

So how mush courage do you got?

Yea thats what I thougt all talk no action!


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## basel (Apr 15, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> If you had any honor,courage,BALLS!
> 
> Then you would tell the husband. Quit *****fottin around and tell him. telling her to tell him is like telling a bank robber to turn themselves in. She will just drag it out with excuses and buy time and hope you go away.
> 
> ...


She may not deserve the opportunity to break the news to him but she will get it. Either way he will find out tomorrow. 

Its a boyfriend not a husband, not that it matters.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

basel said:


> She may not deserve the opportunity to break the news to him but she will get it. Either way he will find out tomorrow.
> 
> Its a boyfriend not a husband, not that it matters.


You let her break it and she will lie to him and minimize it. You are never going to know the truth.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK I will try and keep it simple:


You need to recognise that the woman you are sleeping with is a vile person. Not good for you, her current bf and probably not even her ex. She is a liar and a cheat and will manipulate people at will.


Having recognised this, you need to understand that you have been a bad person in continuing the affair even after you found out about her bf who is a good man to take care of her child as if it was his. This is not how a decent person would behave.


Having recognised each of the above and accepted it, you must do separate things about each of the above.


You must break off your relationship with the woman whether the baby is yours or not. This is not saying that you should walk away from the baby. You should be willing and able to co-parent with her if the baby is yours. Else dump her and explain why - that the both of you were behaving badly and that you do not think she is a good person.


You must come clean with the bf even if there was no baby. Explain that his "gf" has been cheating on him for some time now (with you). Apologise sincerely for your part in this. Then tell him about the baby possibly being yours. And help him even if he hurls abuse at you.


Hope that is clear ...


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## crocus (Apr 8, 2016)

basel said:


> She may not deserve the opportunity to break the news to him but she will get it. Either way he will find out tomorrow.
> 
> 
> 
> Its a boyfriend not a husband, not that it matters.




So...hoping you don't have broken arms, (you still alive??)
Sincerely hope things are well.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

So he posted this in the WW section of SI and most of the WS there told him to just leave and let the other man raise the child as his own. In other words they advocated for paternity fraud. I didn't see much sympathy for the BS at all. The difference is stark.

These are the people giving advice to other WWs. 

Just remember these are the people you want to R with, or you recommend others to R with.

That site is a cesspool. But again it gives you a very good idea with the types of morals WS have.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sokillme said:


> So he posted this in the WW section of SI and most of the WS there told him to just leave and let the other man raise the child as his own. In other words they advocated for paternity fraud. I didn't see much sympathy for the BS at all. The difference is stark.
> 
> These are the people giving advice to other WWs.
> 
> ...


All WW/WH's are not of the same mind. Clearly there are some who are hanging out at SI that would advise paternity fraud. It does not mean that all WW/WH's would advise this.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

sokillme said:


> So he posted this in the WW section of SI and *most of the WS there told him to just leave and let the other man raise the child as his own. In other words they advocated for paternity fraud. * I didn't see much sympathy for the BS at all. The difference is stark.
> 
> These are the people giving advice to other WWs.
> 
> ...


What? There were four replies on that thread, correct? 

One said "honesty is best all around," two told him to see a lawyer to get his rights established, and one advised him to really look at whether he wanted to be with that woman or not.

How did you get advising paternity fraud out of that?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jld said:


> What? There were four replies on that thread, correct?
> 
> One said "honesty is best all around," two told him to see a lawyer to get his rights established, and one advised him to really look at whether he wanted to be with that woman or not.
> 
> How did you get advising paternity fraud out of that?


Oh good grief. I just read that thread. Talk about him misrepresenting the replies on this thread.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I just read that thread.

Our hero actually has the cajones to claim that sure, her boyfriend will be hurt and upset but hey, he and his OW would just make SUCH a happy family, don't you know? How compassionate to completely blow off someone *else's* pain and justify your low rent, dirt bag behavior.

Youth (while being incredibly STUPID sometimes and definitely naive) is wasted on the young.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

basel said:


> First off, don't ever assume you know the whole picture and pass judgement like this.
> 
> *I was just here looking for advice on whether to leave her to make the decisions on my role with the her and the kid or if I should put more pressure on her to come clean.
> *
> ...


IF you was this man.. would you want to be on the hook paying child support for another man's kid??? I feel bad for her husband/ BF, who ever he is.. I wouldn't have respect for this woman and if you are a good man , you would not allow another man to PAY for your offspring.. that's how some of us see this.. the truth NEEDS to be told.. it's a terrible injustice.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

I'm curious - is she asking you to buy things for this baby? Clothes, crib, stroller, etc?


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## hylton7 (Jan 24, 2017)

tell the boyfriend he should know what he's getting into.


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