# Spouse that scolds all the time



## island girl

Hi everyone: This is my first posting, and I have to say that I am generally a very happy, positive person. But, my husband is always negative. He has everything and still I don't see why he is so negative. It especially hurts when he scolds me for not having enough groceries in the house or putting something away that he can't find. He does it with such anger as if I've done something horrible. He is mean all the time and then nice again. It's very abusive in my mind. It seems that he is always bringing me down when I need his support the most. Everytime we go somewhere or I have something to do and look to him for support, he gets negative right before we leave. Always. I don't understand why. He is my soul mate on so many levels, but it just seems as though he uses me as a punching bag all the time emotionally. It hurts. We have a nice house, no children, good family and good jobs...I just don't understand.


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## that_girl

Emotional abuse...is this how he grew up?


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## island girl

No, he was a gifted child and had a great family until his parents divorced out of the blue...His job is also stressful, so I wonder if he is hiding his real feelings and taking it all out on the closest person to him...me.


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## Jellybeans

Yep... emotional abuse. You just described the exact picture of my ex husband. Hot and cold. Negative. Happy then mean. Roller coaster. Lemme guess...he blames you for his moods and the bad things he says and does? Its always your fault? What does he say when you call him out on his bad behavior? He gets more upset? Doesn't own it? Ask him to go to marriage counselling. Unless he has already told you that MC will do no good. Has he always been this way? People whp love their partner do not treat them like an 'emotional punching bag.' That's not what love is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

How long married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## island girl

9 years....Wondering if he's too 'comfortable' and takes things for granted. He isn't very affectionate anymore physically and he seems to act like I'm his roommate now. He is always too tired or too busy. He is a good person, works hard, responsible and loyal to me (no cheating in him), but.....he just seems to have lost his appreciation for things, including me. By the way, thank you for your reponses folks. That's nice of you. These things are very private and having an outlet helps.


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## island girl

Now that I think about it, his sister just finished telling me that their dad was a great dad, but he was grumpy all the time. He was always short with them when working on something and would get frustrated with them. He always had something to nit pick about. I've asked my husband why he is snappy sometimes and he says he doesn't know. I wonder if maybe he has his dad's tendancies and just doesn't realize it.


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## CallaLily

Perhaps bipolar or BPD? Depending on how quickly his moods change from being angry to suddenly being nice. 

The word "scold" reminds me of an adult being upset with a child for something they did. Its time to set some boundaries,because what will eventually happen, and it probably already has, his anger issues and "scolding" of you will soon chip away at your self worth/esteem, then you will be just a shell of a person. Have a talk with him see if he is willing to get into some MC or maybe IC as well. If he wont go, you still need to go to IC. Maybe someone can help you learn how to handle when he gets like this.

If you ever feel like you have to walk on eggshells because you don't know how he might act/react, then look up the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells." I'm not saying he has BPD but it could still help you with giving you some tips on how to handle the moods/anger he has.


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## Jellybeans

I have noticed in a lot of threads that BPD and emotional abuse are brought up a lot in unison. Interesting... 

I wonder if my ex was bi-polar. My sis would always joke that he was...

OP--get into IC for yourself. See if he'll do MC with you. Definitely call him out on his behavior everytime he does it. Do not own his half of the BS.


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## sunshine31

I hate to blame the dad but that could be a huge contributing factor. My husband sounds exactly like yours in how he treats me, but he freely admits that his father has a lot to do with it. Personally i think it's BS and he should just work on his crap to change it up and he tries...but he often fails. I like his father as they are both generally great people and to everyone who meets them thinks they are great, but behind the scenes his mother and I put up with a lot of crap. Anytime we try to express our opinions or ask questions to clarify sometihng, if its not the right time we get told tot basically be quiet. I get scolded all the time for putting things away that he can't find, and when i tell him where it is he usually just complains until I get up and actually find it for him. I am scared to drive our cars because I might put a dent in it and get a lecture on how irresponsible i am. Its always a lecture like i am a child or a "retard" as he has called me before. I don't know how much more i can take. i feel so empty and on edge talking to him anymore ccause i'm always gonna say something wrong.


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## karajh

I don't think anyone should go through life feeling like that.. you are not a child and deserve respect!


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## island girl

Yes, I do think being the only son, he may have his dad's attitude. He's always a perfectionist and if we did have children I think he would bite at them verbally like his dad did to him and his sisters. There is a wierd combination of a really good man with someone who has no patience with the one person he should have it with. Sometimes I tell him that he's treating me the way he treated his little sisters. Being the eldest child and the only boy, he probably felt like he was better than them in some way. To this day, he has a bit of a superiority complex. He is very intelligent, but doesn't understand the subtleties of relationships. He now treats me like one of his sisters sometimes. He was gifted and dowded over when he was young and I think that's where he gets his confidence...sometimes I think parents should back off on praise with their boys and spend more time teaching them how to treat women.


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