# How will this affect my son?



## alwayshere (Apr 16, 2014)

My H and I are having major problems which I wont go into here. Our son is 22 and just has moved out. He has been living with his dad being very emotionally abusive to me (along with other problems) for a long time.

I know my son understands everything that has gone on, but my H (who is emotionally unstable, obviously) is telling him things like "your mom doesnt care about me. I gave her everything thing and she doesnt care. I'm trying and she's not. I wish I would die, etc." (These things are not true.)

Even though he is grown now, he has been through enough. Considering what his dad is doing now, what kind of affect could this have on him?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Ask him.

What does he think of his father and his badmouthing you?


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

How long have you and your husband been separated? 

Chances are that the separation itself will negatively affect your son more than anything his father says about the separation.


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## alwayshere (Apr 16, 2014)

We are not separated...YET


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why not? Kicking your husband out would send a clear message to your son that you refuse to be treated this way and that you're finally standing up for yourself and for him (your son). Kicking your husband out would probably do a whole world of good for your son.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> Why not? Kicking your husband out would send a clear message to your son that you refuse to be treated this way and that you're finally standing up for yourself and for him (your son). Kicking your husband out would probably do a whole world of good for your son.



It's a genuine question. How is it standing up for her son?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

By not tolerating the behaviour her husband is displaying towards the son.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> By not tolerating the behaviour her husband is displaying towards the son.



son is 22 and just has moved out. He has been living with his dad being very emotionally abusive to me (along with other problems) for a long time. 

If the son doesn't live with them, kicking him out will be standing up for herself and not her son. Her son is 22 she could have stood up for him before he moved out


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Ah, I see. Well, if you want any kind of useful advice, you're going to have to open up a bit here. Other than that, as I said before, separation really hurts kids, big time. People who divorce say that kids are resilient and so forth, but the reality is that it messes them up.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Son is 22

I would do what I wanted to do. If that meant leaving the abusive husband and showing my ADULT CHILD that his Mother doesn't have to stand for the abuse any longer 
Dad is being pathetic and ADULT CHILD will probably see this

The ADULT CHILD 22 - perfect time for him to get his own place, job, life.....which is what he did - you said he moved out.

SO - when you go out to lunch or whatever, explain what you want to him. That he shouldn't treat women the way his Father has etc


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## alwayshere (Apr 16, 2014)

I think I am being misunderstood here. My son understands everything that has happened. I am not worried about what he thinks of me because of his dad's words or what he thinks of me leaving. What concerns me is what affect it is having and what damage it may do to him emotionally in the long run hearing hid dad say "I want to die, or I hope I dont wake up tomorrow." Also watching his dad with the problems he has had for so long. He loves his dad very much and I know he is hurting through all of this. Being an adult doesnt take the pain away.


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## Wolf9 (Apr 27, 2014)

Emotional manipulation , Both of them are old enough to handle it in long run, Just maintain good communication with your son in this process.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

alwayshere said:


> I think I am being misunderstood here. My son understands everything that has happened. I am not worried about what he thinks of me because of his dad's words or what he thinks of me leaving. What concerns me is what affect it is having and what damage it may do to him emotionally in the long run hearing hid dad say "I want to die, or I hope I dont wake up tomorrow." Also watching his dad with the problems he has had for so long. He loves his dad very much and I know he is hurting through all of this. Being an adult doesnt take the pain away.


It always hurts to see others go through a bad time and not be able to help them. It always hurts when your parents don't get along for whatever reason. It always hurts when someone you care for talks about their death--especially in a suicidal way. 

I know how this feels, because my father was like this (and worse). 

The best thing you can do is to just show love to your son. Nothing else you can do is nearly as powerful. But he should still spend time with his father. If he doesn't and anything does happen to the guy, whether by his own hand or not, your son will regret that lack of time together for many years.


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