# Update



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Husband & I went out last night & talked a lot. He said he felt emotionally abandoned by me. He said he felt dead inside which is why he left. 

He is going to a counselor by himself who said he is suffering from PTSD brought on by our sons illness & hospitalization. 

He said he could not say he didn't love me, he does have times where he thinks he is done with us, but also has times when he misses me. He is not sure if we can work this out, hopes to, but will take a few months. 

Thoughts? From my point of view, yes I can see how he may have felt. I am very independent & have never been the needy kind. I did spend a lot of time with the kids, and my school work. I did take him for granted.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Maybe you just didn't depend on him, lean on him as much as he needed you to to feel he was playing HIS role (being the protector) maybe he needs that to feel his manness so to speak. 

Good that he is in therapy, maybe ask if when he is ready, you can go with him and maybe get some more insight and help from the therapist's point of view on where he is, or talk about what he needs.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

what is PTSD? :scratchhead: And what about his drinking? How is he addressing that?

IMO, that's a problem that needs to be dealt with too..


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Hi Babyheart:

I think the counseling is a step in the right direction.
Are you prepared and willing to give this some time? Will he go to counseling with you too? Are there issues that you feel need to be addressed (now is the time)? You said that you feel you took him for granted (you did have a lot to deal with)-----have you told him that, apologized and told him that you want to "fix" that too. Sounds like you are the glue that keeps this all together------and you will probably have to continue to be to keep this going.
Are you willing?


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

PTSD is post traumatic stress disorder. He did deal with a lot & was pressured to sign a DNR for our son (he refused). He dealt with a lot there, so I understand that. 

We are going to counseling together. I did apologize to him last night for taking him for granted & not being there enough for him & seeing his need for support. I told him I love him & want to work on this. 

He is working on the drinking problem. A lot of issues which I want to work on with him. As long as we try together it might work.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

sounds better than it had----that's good.
how was being out with him? did the talk go well (was it respectful, etc.)? it is a pretty heavy subject and sounds like you were open and honest-----not easy.
I know he has done plenty wrong but you acknowledging your part and apologizing is huge (hopefully it makes him see his issues too).
When are you starting counseling together? When will you speak to each other next?


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Babyheart... that's great ,at least he is willing to try...that counts.I think this is good news...and now that you have accepted your fault and apologized things will start healing . Fingers crossed for you!


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

It was good being out with him. Talk went well, even when not going well with difficult subject, was respectful & honest. He said he feels torn up now (which I guess is a big improvement from feeling dead) & needs time to recover from that. 

We have done 3 counseling sessions together, maybe after last night we will get more out of the next sessions as we've broken thru the barrier that was there. He said he will call tonight, not sure if that's for me or the kids.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

sounds good. try to walk before you run... it may take time.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Sounds promising in that he's addressing both his individual problems and you are doing counseling together. I wish my husband would do these things. ("When pigs fly...." )

I wish you the best of luck. It's gonna take time but if you are both willing to make the effort then you've got things heading in your favor. :smthumbup:


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You are on the right track. MC is a long process and really hard at times. We were in it for 10 months. Its a roller coaster mind f*ck at times. 

You guys have a lot to work through, but it sounds like you are at a good place. Read my story in reconciliation for what I did.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

He did call & asked for me after he talked to the kids. He said it was good & we got a lot out & will talk more. He had his apt with his counselor today. He's coming by tomorrow. I'm nervous.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

That is awesome girl. I'm sure you're nervous,i would be too .I hope it goes really well tomorrow.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

You are lucky..The alcohol hasn't washed away his heart and common sense. He realizes he has something to lose. 

I sure hope the first time is the charm...for your sake as well as his. 

Yes, I'm rather cynical when it comes to alcoholism.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

He came by & had to take our daughter to Taekwondo class for a makeup class. Then when he came back his brother & fiancee were here. They are getting married next week, so we didn't get to talk about us at all. 

We leave on Wednesday to drive to FL for the wedding. 24 hours in the car - will be the make or break of us LOL


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yeah ..that might be tough..but might be really good...try to hold your emotions as hard as you can.You're there to have a good time and you should do exactly that, that might also help him...he'll see that fun woman that he once married.

Have a great time,i haven't been to a wedding forever.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Argh having a really tough day today. Last Sunday when he took the kids to the zoo he "ran into" somebody from work. Just her and her 2 kids, no husband with her. So now I am wondering if he is involved or thinking about getting involved with her. 

He promised to call the kids Thursday, never called. Same thing Friday. I called him Sat morning & said what the hell, that is not fair on them. So we arranged to meet Saturday afternoon & take the kids to the movies & have dinner together. Daughter asked if they could stay over with him, he acted like I ambushed him as he said his apartment wasn't ready for them. But he did take her, and our youngest. Oldest wouldn't go with him. 
Then he called he at 10pm because youngest was crying looking for me. I said what do you want me to do, I have him all week when he is crying looking for you. So he said ok I will deal with it then. 10 mins later he sends me this email:
"Honestly tonight was offsides. We spoke this morning and I fully agree with what you presented. The kids are my highest priority. I thought tonight was going to some more time with their father, to try and make amends or just simply to let them know I'm there for them."
I didn't see the email until after he had dropped off the 2 kids this morning. 

So I wrote back 
"She is desperate for more time with you. You said you wanted them to spend as much time with you as they wanted to. All week she has been looking for you. I don't know what to tell her when you do not call her back. So yes, she wanted to stay with you last night, I said maybe I was not sure if they could or not. 
I don't know what to do when Owen is here with me crying because he wants you. Or when James tells me he is annoyed with you that you went to the zoo & spend the whole day with Diana when he wanted it to just be you guys. 
You could have talked to me this morning about this, why didn't you?"

So he arrives 20 minutes later all pissed off & comes in yelling at me. James came in & yelled at him to stop being such a jerk & it turned into this huge fight with him. James was saying he left us, you cant tell me what to do, all this stuff, it was horrible. Husband was yelling at him you cant disrespect me, & blaming me for the things James was saying. 

Finally got it all out, and quieted down after a load of yelling back & forth. I told him he had got to understand how this is affecting the kids. What on earth did he expect? That everybody would be ok with it? I told him that now the kids do not expect him to answer the phone when they call him, & they dont expect him to call them back, so yeah they are feeling abandoned & scared. 

So he has taken James out for the day now to spend some time with him. He called a little while ago, asked how the other 2 were doing, said James was good and said he will have him back by 5 or so. 

I don't know what to do - its like 1 step forward, and 2 steps back.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Damn, I feel for you!  *Big Hug* 

It's tough, isn't it? When the kids are involved. Last week my son called my husband half a dozen times and despite him promising my son that he'd always answer the phone if he saw his number come up (he has a cell phone of his own) he didn't. The kids get so sad and discouraged and feel like they are being abandoned. Makes you want to punch your husband in the head.  I mean, do it to ME..sure..but the kids?  :wtf:

I feel your pain. You feel like you're backsliding. I had the same thing last night. In spite of my better judgement I did as my husband asked and decided to spend the evening with him "hanging out". BIG mistake that I hope I'll never make again. 

At first it was ok and we chatted about this and that and we were pleasant enough. But he will NOT go inside off that damn porch (which REALLY pisses me off) so it's sit outside and drink/smoke on the porch and this time I decided to join him. Had a bottle of wine and a cigar and of course you know what happens when you drink..No inhibitions and a loose tongue..

Before we knew it we were bickering and beating each other up about the past. Before we knew it we were talking about money, he tells me he's taking the summer off and will be taking multiple camping trips to Lake George (a place we both LOVED to go to) in this boat he plans to buy up to and too bad on me because I will have to work. The idea of him having all summer off and me working/sweating like a dog REALLY pisses me off!  Damn that inheritance money he got! He destroyed my summer and fall last year and wrecked my holiday season and now HE gets to sit around and drink away his inheritance money. No repercussions, no consequences. He shows no remorse over trashing all our lives, our business. It's freakin' amazing! I can't tell you how that pisses me off! He says I seem "angry" and "agitated" when I see him. Yea, damn straight I am!

So I get PO'ed about that and he tells me he deserves to do it because of the way I acted in the past (I will give him points here because I have acted badly in the past) and so on and so on. Eventually things calmed down and then..

Yeah, we had sex :banghead: (if you can call it that, it was rather passionless) but at least I was physically satisfied. Uh huh..I went home at 3am feeling like crap. I've totally destroyed my 180. After a week of no contact and I completely undid all my work. WHY did I spend the evening with him? Because I thought I could and keep under control? I feel like a recovering alcoholic who just went on a binge. I'm pissed at myself, I'm pissed at him and I'm trying to figure out what my options are. 

*shakes head*. I feel like I have a really bad hangover. Another weekend trashed because of my dealings with him. I trashed my 180. I'm ashamed and pissed off at myself and him. I just wish I could treat him like the cancer he is and cut him out of my life completely but I can't afford a divorce lawyer and I need his support monetarily. I can meet all my living expenses but the $1500/mo health insurance (which he pays) and any "unforeseen" expenses like repairs to the cars" and he won't commit to helping me with them. 

Plus, I need to get water for my work truck from him (especially in winter) and I need his house for storage and access to my stuff. Getting storage for my stuff and water for the truck would be both difficult and expensive...

What to do. What to do. :banghead: At the very least I need to step up my efforts and start all over again on the 180...Fell off the wagon and gotta climb back on. 

Babyheart..How old are your kids exactly? Your oldest sounds a lot like my daughter. I feel for him because it's so hard. He loves you and feels great anger and thinks he's been betrayed by his father. One difference is that my daughter won't have ANYTHING to do with my husband. I have to admit, I'm envious of her. I wish I could do like she does and just pretend he doesn't exist.


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> You are lucky..The alcohol hasn't washed away his heart and common sense. He realizes he has something to lose.
> 
> I sure hope the first time is the charm...for your sake as well as his.
> 
> Yes, I'm rather cynical when it comes to alcoholism.


I have the same view on alcoholism, and really any addiction in general. But I am glad to hear that he's getting help.
Sounds promising, I wish you the best!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Sex...did somebody say sex?

freak...you'll be okay...us alcoholics don't remember much...at least I didn't use to...now a days...the clean sober me remembers everything...

wish i could dull the pain!


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

The kids are 9, 7, and 4. My daughter is 7, almost 8, she just misses her daddy like crazy.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Sakaye said:


> I have the same view on alcoholism, and really any addiction in general. But I am glad to hear that he's getting help.
> Sounds promising, I wish you the best!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who is getting help? :scratchhead: You quoted me so are you talking about me? MY husband isn't getting any kind of help whatsoever. He refuses to. He'll do rehab "when he's ready". He thinks AA is bullsh*t. Won't go to therapy. Won't do MC either.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

DjF said:


> Sex...did somebody say sex?
> 
> freak...you'll be okay...us alcoholics don't remember much...at least I didn't use to...now a days...the clean sober me remembers everything...
> 
> wish i could dull the pain!


]

It wasn't very good sex...if you could even call it that. Shame because last year my husband and I were having GREAT sex. After years of little or none we finally had an awesome sex life. We were so into each other!

Now he barely looks at me, says nothing and he can barely get it up. He satisfied me, which is something but I can do by myself. There's no emotional bond...no fun. 

Thing is, I look and feel better than I have in years! He's a mess. He doesn't shave, his face and body are bloated. It's a real shame because he was once a pretty good looking guy. 

As far as remembering much..My husband remembers EVERYTHING from 20 years ago to now it seems..in frightening detail. He obsesses over the past and uses it as a club to beat me up with and it's his entire rationale for his current actions. "You did this so now I can". 

It's his moods that are weird. He'll go from being quite nice to loving to being downright nasty. All I have to do is say the wrong thing and in my state of mind it's easy to do. I say it, he gets pissed and then he'll order me to leave him alone. Usually that's when I go home. 

This time I went inside and finished up my laundry (I often bring the laundry to his house as it's cheaper/easier) and then he came inside and seemed to want to get amorous. Afterward I got up to get dressed and go home and he seemed surprised and said he'd hoped I'd stay the night so we could wake up together. I have to admit that part of me was touched by that and I thought about it but I knew it wouldn't be like it once was. He'd probably wake up and start his regime of drinking/smoking and ignore me and it would be another day wasted. 

So I went home and glad I'm did. At least I did ONE thing right in the last 24 hours. This afternoon, I picked my daughter up at her friend's house (she had a sleepover) and when I told her I'd gone to visit her father she rolled her eyes and said "How did it go". I said "Badly" and she said, "I told you not to go, hope you learned your lesson."

At least I can say I did. But I feel like an idiot. Live and learn.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> The kids are 9, 7, and 4. My daughter is 7, almost 8, she just misses her daddy like crazy.


Yeah, that's tough. The oldest is a boy and 9? Wow..that's so young to be getting into the sh*t with his father like that and dealing with this situation. You gotta try your best to avoid that. 

Even my 13 year old son is really affected when my husband and I fight. Last night, we weren't even yelling (the one thing I can say is that I kept my cool) but he could see the atmosphere was "tense" and we kept telling him to go inside and leave us be. 

I put him to bed and told him I was sorry that I messed up his time with his father. I felt REALLY bad about that. These weekends with his father are important to him. I never should've gone over there but my husband has been bugging me for weeks to do so. Bad idea. 

From now one my husband is going to have to take the initiative to pick up and bring my son home. I need to be out of the loop.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Yeah, that's tough. The oldest is a boy and 9? Wow..that's so young to be getting into the sh*t with his father like that and dealing with this situation. You gotta try your best to avoid that.


I know, it was terrible. My husband started it walking in here & yelling. They are spending the day together, so hopefully it will be good. Hopefully...


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Yeah, but you don't want to get the kids involved, especially at that young age. I remember when we were still together, my husband and I got into a horrible fight (one of many) about my husband going to the hospital. My daughter grabbed his glass of alcohol out of his hand and threw it to the ground. He told her to "go f*ck herself". :slap: 

And he wonders why she wants nothing to do with him.  And this wasn't an isolated incident. What my kids have seen..It's amazing they are as well adjust as they are. It pains me to think of it.  I'm just glad I was able to get them out of it by moving. 

My husband is fine alone with my son. I have no issues with that at all. What I do regret that my presence last night interrupted their weekend together. I feel badly because my son looks forward to being with his father on the weekends. Won't do that again. 

I didn't WANT to go but my husband has been insisting time and time again and he made a good argument for me giving in so I did. He has this notion that we are somehow still a "family" and has this fantasy of all of us being under the same roof enjoying each other's company. 

Well, it's not going to happen in the foreseeable future. It's on the dustbin with my fantasy of getting the man who was my best friend and lover from last year back. The little piece that was clinging to that is fading away..thank goodness. It's taking time but with every "incident" I get closer to attaining the goal of being free emotionally. 

I made a mistake. Now I have to learn from it and improve my M/O.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> He has this notion that we are somehow still a "family" and has this fantasy of all of us being under the same roof enjoying each other's company.


I have the same 'fantasy for my situation.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Well, him and his drinking destroyed his family. So if he wants someone to blame, he should look in the mirror rather than blame me...which he does.

He's doing everything he can to ensure that his fantasy never becomes reality.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Well, him and his drinking destroyed his family. So if he wants someone to blame, he should look in the mirror rather than blame me...which he does.


Yes, agreed completely.



> He's doing everything he can to ensure that his fantasy never becomes reality.


and she seems to be doing everything to ensure that my fantasy never becomes reality

Babyheart, stay strong (ha, and here is me with tears running yet again!) you can do it.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

*Freak*..so sorry for the wasted time with your H. I can feel your pain...it sucks. Don't beat yourself up...it happens to fall of the wagon ...we are only human .Pick yourself up (which I know you will and can) and keep going.
Your H. sounds like is nowhere to try and do something about this mess.
I understand also how tied your hands are with the financial situation..you want out but you can't because of that...it's the worst feeling also..you're dependent on that... and that makes things even worse.
hugs

*Babyheart*...Gosh it broke my heart reading how hard your kids are taking this and witnessing HIS madness. I though that my H is not as attached to the kids due to them being too little...well he's really into our 5years old i have to say that he misses her tremendously but he hasn't seen her forever so i guess it's normal He asks about our baby but he hasn't bonded with her so I'm sure he doesn't feel the same about her which brakes my heart.
Anyways I wanted to say that i thought that when the kids are a little older that would make it harder for the H. to just walk out...but i guess it doesn't matter.
Sorry that that woman makes you suspicious ,i'm sure it's awful to add that to the stress.Hopefully it's not the case and probably is not but we are so messed up now that even a crumb looks like a meteor right now .Hang in there girl.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Thank you guys. The boys went to the car show & a movie & had a good day together. Husband said he will be there more for the kids (will see if he follows thru...)
This other woman is married with a 1 & 4 year old, have met her before at his work & really liked her. She was really concerned the last time our son was in the hospital & sent messages to check in a lot. I doubt she would do something like that, I think they are just friends. But what the hell do I know? 

we leave wednesday for this wedding, should be interesting.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Thank you guys. The boys went to the car show & a movie & had a good day together. Husband said he will be there more for the kids (will see if he follows thru...)
> This other woman is married with a 1 & 4 year old, have met her before at his work & really liked her. She was really concerned the last time our son was in the hospital & sent messages to check in a lot. I doubt she would do something like that, I think they are just friends. But what the hell do I know?
> 
> we leave wednesday for this wedding, should be interesting.


wishing you the best, hope the wedding trip works out good.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Damn..I'd take separate cars if it were me. I wish you luck on that one. 

I can't even sit on a porch for a few hours with my husband without fighting...

I'm glad your husband and son had a nice day together. Regardless of what happens with you and your husband, he should cultivate his relationship with his kids. It's really, really important not to just your husband but for the kids. 

I too have chided my husband about not being on time to pick my son up or calling my son back when he is called by him. I tell him it's OK to be like that with me but not for our son.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

vivea said:


> *Freak*..so sorry for the wasted time with your H. I can feel your pain...it sucks. Don't beat yourself up...it happens to fall of the wagon ...we are only human .Pick yourself up (which I know you will and can) and keep going.
> Your H. sounds like is nowhere to try and do something about this mess.
> I understand also how tied your hands are with the financial situation..you want out but you can't because of that...it's the worst feeling also..you're dependent on that... and that makes things even worse.
> hugs


thanks Vivea!  He only messed up my night. Today was a nice day. I got a nice nights sleep. Picked my daughter up, got lunch and played on the computer. It was relaxing and I feel a lot better now. 

My husband dropped my son off. He was very pleasant and he did say he'd review my budget with me and see how I might need some help. I have some expenses that are coming up that need addressing..so hopefully he'll work with me. 

Like it or not, I need him for things. I can keep my household running just fine but for "extraneous" expenses I need him. I have a work truck with 113k miles that needs brake work and that sort of stuff is what I need help with. He has to understand that. He does say he'd never let me or the kids "starve". Thank goodness for that! :rofl:

In the meantime I'll climb back on the wagon and have a go at it again. Believe me, I'm VERY good at walking away from people when I have to..or when I can. But I can't so this is difficult. I'm not going through any emotional pain here..I'm just pissed that I allowed myself to let go of my control and I'm going to make a renewed effort to put distance between myself and him. Fortunately next weekend my schedule is full. That helps a lot. 

Things will get better financially some day. Eventually my kids will leave the nest and I WILL be able to live on my own because I'll just cut expenses..move into a smaller place, etc, etc. But it's not for awhile..at least 5 years. Until then..

I wonder where my husband will be in 5 years? How long will that inheritance last? He is maintaining a house as well and he's NOT working so I wonder..and then there's the question of his health. 

My daughter saw him today and said "He got fat". He's definitely not the good looking guy he was a year ago. Amazing how that happens. Sad too.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

My eldest has always stood up to her Dad and it breaks my heart, She has stood there, shouting at him to stop it and to stop shouting at her Mum, she's 8  

Am I the only one wondering why the hell I want to be with this man? It's like my blinkers are suddenly peeling away.. Have I just had 'battered wives syndrome' and convinced myself that it's lovely?! But I do know there was good times, with my 'old' husband.

Why do we put ourselves through it all?..


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

AmIMad, you're still in love with what "was". That's my problem too.  I'm willing to bet that it's the same problem across thsi forum. We all need to realize that the spouse we fell in love with and were married to is NOT the same as the one who we are separated from..and may never come back. 

So now, when I do get depressed about my situation it's because I still miss what was. When I do feel badly or reach out to my husband it's because of these memories. Of us doing cool things together,..kayaking, camping, going to concerts, dinner, making passionate love, playing World of Warcraft until 5 am, just sitting and talking for hours. I thought I had the husband I always wanted. Then it all fell apart overnight. 

It's especially hard if the break up of the marriage happened suddenly. With me, I went from having what I thought was a good marriage to a horror show in a matter of weeks. A year ago my husband and I had what I thought was a great time together. He denies that now but I have those memories still. We had a problems but I think they would've been worked out but now all bets are off. 

But slowly, with each bad incident and the passing of time, those memories fade and reality takes it place. The man I once loved doesn't even LOOK the same as he once did. He's aged like crazy, gained weight and the joy of life that he once had is fading. We can barely hold a conversation anymore and when we do it almost always turns into a quarrel. And it gets worse and worse and worse. 

I feel like Padme being married to Anakin Skywalker.  My husband was once a Jedi and now he's turned to the Dark Side of the Force. His Emperor is a bottle of rum. 

But I will tell you that eventually you do loosen your grip on your hopes and dreams that it'll get better and deal with thing. It DOES get better. Oh yeah, I've slid back (like this past weekend) but each time it's less painful and of less duration. Plus, I have hope that eventually I'll find my own path. 

My husband's alcoholism has a sort of finality to it. It is what it is and I can't change it so that pretty much spells things out. Once I figured this out, it's made things easier in some ways. I can't "fix" him or convince him. Even the few good times we now share always have that shadow over it. Until he's sober (and STAYS sober) there can be no moving on so I have no choice but to move on myself. Sometimes I delude myself still but reality always comes back to remind me. 

And the fact that I like being single and living on my own is another plus. Also, we had a good 2 years prior but before that there was 15 years of a separate-but-living-together marriage. A lot of that was due to me and that fuels his resentment and anger towards me now, I'll admit that. But I did learn a lot of useful skills about "going at it alone" that I'm falling back to now. 

You'll have to find your place. It's not going to be easy due to a number of things in your life but you are strong and will persevere. But you gotta separate yourself physically from this man..that also means NOT talking to him!

Shame about your son. At 8 he's too young to be put in this position. It reminds me of the Papa Roach video "Broken Home".  My kids are older so it's easier. My 16 year old daughter won't have ANYTHING to do with my husband. Nothing. She's very strong and stubborn and I wish I was more like her. I'm trying. 

My son loves his father and keeps hoping things will get better. I do nothing to discourage this. I was taking my son to and from my husband's house every weekend but now I've told my son that he's going to have to arrange things independently with my husband. I think he's capable of doing so. I need to separate myself as much as possible so repeats of last Saturday night don't keep happening. 

You need to do the same..Limit your contact as much as possible. Start with that damn phone!


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> AmIMad, you're still in love with what "was". That's my problem too.  I'm willing to bet that it's the same problem across thsi forum. We all need to realize that the spouse we fell in love with and were married to is NOT the same as the one who we are separated from..and may never come back.
> 
> 
> *Yeah, I think that maybe the case, what gets me, is when things were starting to go well between us, he some how decides it's not and runs away again!
> ...


*I am refusing to take any calls, I am refusing to answer any msgs that aren't about the children, infact some are about the kids and I don't answer as it's not important. I've got to get through this week of NC, then see him at the weekend :scratchhead:*


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