# the OW



## cantclearhead (May 1, 2010)

Should the OW know when you catch your wife cheating


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

More information is needed about your situation......

I'm assuming you're a H, who caught his wife cheating...

That seems to be clear, but what did you mean by "OW"?

Is that you're involved in an affair with an OW, and you're wondering if she be informed about the details of your marriage?

It's difficult to give advice or input without some backstory.


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## cantclearhead (May 1, 2010)

I apologize to all . My marriage of 40 years is in a shambles right now...My wife was having an affair withe a man at work and I dont know if I should ask her to leave her job or tell the mans wife...I have been to lawyers and I am starting with marriage counciling this coming week...


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

I'm very sorry to hear about the emotional hell you're going through right now.

There's a lot of debate about whether a BS (betrayed spouse) should inform the BS of the AP (affair partner) of their WS (wayward spouse).

I'm in favor of informing the other BS, I believe they have a right to know about something that affects their life on a very deep and pervasive level.Also it serves to shine a spotlight on the affair, which will help to diffuse it.If his W is also watching him like a hawk, it will make it all the more difficult for the two of them to continue sneaking around.

It's best however, if you can provide some form of evidence, (cell phone records, copies of email exchanges, etc.)~~there's a chance you won't be believed....

Your W may initially be angry with you, but keep in mind , she's not thinking clearly right now.

I'd recommend reading some of the posts in the "Coping with Infidelity" section here..... there's a lot of very helpful advice from many of the members here.


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## pochael (Apr 12, 2010)

First. It is your duty to protect your marriage at all costs (within legal actions...).

So if you think that the OW knowing will help your situation without major recourse then it maybe something. However, make sure that it is not going to backfire on you. 

First is this guy dumb enough to come after you? Is you exposing the affair going to end their marriage and now allow your wife and he to continue without the concerned problems (each of the spouses finding out). 

How important is the Job. Now in my mind, I do not care how important the job is, it cannot be more important than the marriage. So with that said, I would talk with your wife, and let her know that you can not get closure and move forward without her leaving that Job. 

These are all things you need to weigh out. These are also things you will see how far gone the wife is. Is she willing to sacrifice to save the marriage?

Prayer is also a good thing that will lead you to decisions that work.


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