# Snoring husband gets made when I leave the bed



## Hiker (Oct 17, 2013)

My husband snores like a chainsaw. We fought over it (still do, but less) for a couple years as it got worse and he gained weight. At first I was the good nice tentative little wife, tapping him lightly and whispering, "Honey, you're snoring." Well I'd have to do that progressively louder, about 5 times before he'd wake up enough to turn over. By then I wasn't sounding so nice. He refused to leave the room. I tried ear plugs but found them uncomfortable, even the good ones. I couldn't sleep and really started resenting him for not trying to do anything about the snoring. I suggested we sleep in separate rooms but he threw a fit and was sure that would be the beginning of the end. Fast forward to now. I go to bed earlier than he does, read, fall asleep, then when he comes clunking up the stairs and gets into bed rather noisily, he always lies on his back and begins snoring almost right away. He also has sleep apnea and I've told him this so he's aware of it as a serious medical issue. I don't waste my breath anymore even saying anything or poking him. I just get up and go to our spare room, where my cats and sometimes the dog, follow me and snuggle in. Sometimes he asks as I'm leaving the room, "Why are you leaving?" in a pitiful little voice. "Cuz you're snoring," I say. "No I wasn't. I'm awake." I say, "Then why can't you hear yourself?" He grumbles and denies, and I go to the other room. It has allowed me to get sleep, but it has not been good for our marriage. Sleep is more important to me than intimacy. 

Sorry, but the whole tennis ball sewn into the pajamas thing is too 1950s for me. The snoring is something he needs to "own" and address. He's a big boy. I'm not his mommy. Besides, he always just sleeps in whatever t-shirt he's lounging in for the evening. He falls asleep in front of the tv every night so wouldn't make the effort to wear a special garment. He's also tried the breath right strips, without much success.

Who else out there has a spouse that denies their snoring? How do you deal with it? Any success stories?


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

I for one, hate snoring!!! it literally drives me insane. If i had to sleep with someone who snores, i think i would suffocate them with my pillow, then fall back asleep just to enjoy the pure silence of it all. lol.....but seriously, if ur husband wants to seriously sleep with u every night then he needs to see if the dr. can help him out. Its a respect thing too. He should respect u to go so u can get a good sleep. And why do u have to leave the room every night? If ur in there first, and ur asleep, then too frickin bad for him. He should not disturb u and head to the spare room! I feel for u. I hate snoring and the odd time I fall asleep after drinking and someone tells me im snoring, I actually am embarrased cuz i hate it so much. tell him to grow up and go to a dr. before u leave his snoring ass.


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## Hiker (Oct 17, 2013)

Yep, I'm pretty sure we've already had that "discussion." lol It is totally a matter of respect. He is a man who does not like change. We take a vacation together every 2-3 years, and I've gotten to the point where I dread the sleeping arrangements part because hotel rooms are torture for me with his snoring. And who can afford a suite? This year I'm going on vacation with a girl friend instead.


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## Hiker (Oct 17, 2013)

Oops--just realized my typo in the title of this thread. He gets MAD, not MADE. Doh!


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

Why not try some of those anti snore masks?


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## Hiker (Oct 17, 2013)

Do you mean a c-pap? He'll have to initiate that one with his own doctor. Or is there some other kind of snore mask?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I slept with a pillow over my head for 20 years due to my husband's snoring, found myself on the couch many nights because I could not sleep. As he aged and gained weight the snoring became worse. He tired nose strip, mouth pieces, nothing worked. I tried ear plugs and sleep aides and I would toss and turn. I knew this was nothing to fault him for, it was something he could not control but I had many a restless night. I would find myself half asleep, hearing him snoring and feeling too tired to get out of bed to sleep somewhere else. I was not sleeping, found myself tired the next day. Finally I decided enough was enough. I now sleep in our spare bedroom, and like you, the cats sleep there too. My husband doesn't complain anymore. At first he asked me why and what it meant for us. I have been sleeping in the spare room now for over a year and I very much enjoy sleeping without a pillow over my head!


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Tell him you will either leave the bed or put duct tape over his mouth to force him to breath through his nose and let him choose which option he prefers.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Can you record him?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Sleep deprivation and / or continual interrupted sleep patterns are bad for our mental and physical health. Your H needs to seek medical treatment for his snoring asap, but in the interim he needs to accept that you must do whatever is necessary to ensure a decent night's sleep for yourself.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Our relationship vastly improved when we decided to sleep in separate rooms


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Hiker said:


> Do you mean a c-pap? He'll have to initiate that one with his own doctor. Or is there some other kind of snore mask?


C-pap is for apnea which is cessation of breathing for long periods of time. A garden variety snorer doesn't need a c-pap. 

I think you should record him and play it back. He probably has no idea how bad it is or how regularly it happens.


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## BlueCalcite (Jul 15, 2013)

VermisciousKnid said:


> C-pap is for apnea which is cessation of breathing for long periods of time. A garden variety snorer doesn't need a c-pap.


She said he does have sleep apnea. Was he diagnosed with it? Did he have a sleep study done? It's imperative that he gets it treated, if he does have it, because every time he stops breathing he is causing a little more heart and lung damage. I went 16 months with severe symptoms before I recognized them, then was diagnosed with a severe case. I have a BiPAP machine which helped tremendously. But a couple months later my wife left me and I've dropped 50 pounds as a result. Over the past week or so I've discovered that I don't even need the BiPAP anymore. He could find similar results by losing weight, but oftentimes that's not enough and we might still need CPAP or BiPAP.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just turn him on his side, but he may drool instead so close his mouth.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Yes, have him go see the doctor for the cpap machine.

If he snores like a chainsaw, then the sleep study could tell if he needs the cpap machine.


You will both get more rest. Have him call the doctor as soon as possible. It could change your life.


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## Hiker (Oct 17, 2013)

He's a typical "guy" guy in that he only goes to the doc when he's out of his prescription meds (high blood pressure, cholesterol, anti-depressant). I encourage him and cajole him and insist, and still he won't do anything more than the basic check up. He is about 75 lbs overweight, smokes, and won't exercise. He does try to eat right and I do make a concerted effort to help us both eat healthy, so he's not completely adverse to getting healthier, he just has such a hard time with inertia and taking those first steps. He also gets IBS (we think--not an actual diagnosis) but keeps putting off getting a colonoscopy. Yes, a wide range of health issues is going on here, not just the snoring and sleep apnea. He hasn't been diagnosed with the sleep apnea, but I've listened to him many times when he stops breathing, then gasps for air. Over and over. I wake him up when I hear it, but I just can't sleep next to him anymore. He's a big guy, so I can't just roll him over. I do what I have to do to save my own sanity. We don't have health insurance, and not sure what we'll do with the new ACA regs this first year (buy in or pay the fine). He's dead-set against Obamacare and is so politically charged in his conservative views that he thinks I'm crazy to even consider buying health insurance. Um, hello? It's now mandatory. It will be expensive for us since we're not low-income, just middle class, and haven't had the expense in recent years. Not sure where we'll come up withe the extra $1,000/month or so that it looks like it'll cost us. But if either of us gets seriously ill, there's no way we could pay for care.

Guess we have a LOT more issues going on here than just the snoring. Sorry, I've gotten off topic a bit. :-/


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## BlueCalcite (Jul 15, 2013)

And if he should happen to get himself diagnosed and, as a result, decides to stop working 70 hours per week in favor of getting healthy, and then tells you that you need to cut back on your spending instead of living your carefree lifestyle.....please don't divorce him.

Yeah, my wife did that.

[/RANT]


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Sleep Apnea can be fatal. Amazes me when I hear that someone rocks the whole house with their snoring, but then refuses to go in for a one night sleep test.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

This came up when the wife and I got married and I first moved in with her. I never really knew I snored TBH.

Had some sleep studies done and it isn't sleep apnea or anything like that. Just plain old fashioned snoring. Turns out snoring is really pretty common and most of the time isn't really a health problem.

There are a few things you can do though, loosing weight can help but at the same time it may not. Sleeping on your side is generally the most effective according to my wife.


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## BlueCalcite (Jul 15, 2013)

captainstormy said:


> Turns out snoring is really pretty common and most of the time isn't really a health problem.


Most of the time, it probably isn't. But a significantly higher percentage of snoring IS due to apnea than the percentage of people who take the snoring serious enough to get it checked out.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

My STBXH snores and it is horribly loud!!! I do believe he has sleep apnea but much like your H, refuses to do anything about it. I think and have always thought, that it is terribly disrespectful to your spouse to let this problem go on for years and not even get it looked into.

Of course, this is not the reason we are separating but I won't miss the sound. Some nights I can hear him snoring from the guest room. And our guest room is upstairs!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck. Keep trying to get him to see someone.


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

I actually snored pretty loud before I lost about 60lbs this last year. My wife went to a local health store and purchased a spray that I used each evening to stop my snoring. All I had to do was spray it in my throat each evening before bed. After the first few days she said that I was still snoring but it was so quiet in comparison that she didn't wake up. 

I stopped using it a few months ago and I have not had her say anything about my snoring so I guess I have lost enough weight to make it tolerable at least.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Have you recorded him? Maybe hearing how bad it is will make him change his attitude. Play it all night if you must to make a point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## me2 (Apr 24, 2013)

My husband snores really bad. We've been together for 14 years and he's been awful the whole time. In Feb I convinced him to see a sleep specialist shortly after he had a particularly bad session with his IC... this is the period where he's seen the light, and is willing to do anything to help the marriage.
A few interesting things happened that week. He was on course (military) and had to share a tent with 20 other men. They kicked him out for his snoring. He sulked over to the phone and was in tears about it... he expected me to boo hoo with him and tell him it's not that bad, they're soooooo mean. I didn't. I said "yeah I live with it everynight. Get over yourself, I've been begging you to get help for this for 6 years and you think it's a funny joke or everyone is picking on you. Get help or it's going to keep happening. 

However that was Feb and the sleep study is in NOV! I endured more months of sleepless nights, and often found myself having homicidal fantasies about a screw driver.

Then he's away in June on course... has to share a room with another guy, they discuss snoring and H arranges to sleep in another empty room so buddy can get a good nights rest every night. Well, that burned me... I had suggested to H that I'd like to put together a bedroom in the basement for me so I can sleep... he took that as "I'm leaving your @$$ and this is step one".

Exhausted one night in Sept I ended up breaking down and comparing his compassion for a total stranger was better than his compassion for me. I asked how come he'd move to a separate room for him and not me. "THAT guy needs to get up every morning and be refreshed so he can work". So the fact that I have 2 kids, a huge house to clean, 2 big dogs and chores to do, but am so sleep deprived that I rarely get out of bed means I'm simply lazy and not exhausted and depressed over the status quo...

The marriage councillor had issues with that too. And with "confirmation from a higher authority" (a PA behavior) he is now willing to sleep on the couch anytime I ask. Thank goodness, because I was starting to plan step 2... how to hide the body...


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## Hiker (Oct 17, 2013)

It's good to know I'm not alone in this whole snoring situation. I feel for you other spouses who have to deal with it, too. Sleep is a basic function, like eating. You MUST have sleep. Intimacy can go take a flying leap! ;-)


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

snoring can be from drinking too much and being overweight..is he either of those?

I suffer from insomnia so know how lack of sleep can be incredibly debilitating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

I am a snorer myself (very loud at times), although oddly, it doesn't bother my spouse at all. But it does bother me. Here's what a lot of people don't understand - snoring isn't just bad for your partner's sleep. It's bad for your OWN. *The snorer also doesn't get as good a night's rest.* That's another reason to take care of it. 

I am not overweight. In fact, just like Me2's husband, I am in the military and this problem came up when I would share a tent/room with others. I wear a mouthpiece that helps a lot, and try to sleep on my stomach. Between the two, that usually takes care of the problem. The funny thing is, I can't sleep when other people are snoring, so my solution is to put on a pair of headphones at a high volume of something pleasant like a rainstorm sound. That works wonders. 

There is also surgery you can get to reduce snoring. Hiker, will your husband consider that?

Now having said all that, there is a bigger elephant in the room. Hiker, if your husband is 75lbs overweight then he is either at or approaching morbid obesity. Like the frog in the boiling pot, people just get too comfortable with these things when they happen slowly over time. That's more important. He seriously needs help for that first, and it MIGHT help the snoring issue too.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Had a sleep study. Horrible snorer, no apnea. Not overweight. I know my snoring is horrible.

Short of elective surgery, there isn't much to be done. Most of the other methods from tennis balls to mouth guards, sprays, and nose strips are stop gaps. It's an airway issue. Hell if I'm in vigorous exercise and breathing rapidly I get a snoring effect.

Have had two partners wear ear-plugs. Another wore noise cancelling headphones. This is one of those issues that seems like the punch-line of a bad joke, but there isn't much doubt in my mind that the snoring is likely one of the factors people consider whether they want to stick around long term.

And although people hate it, there isn't a whole hell of a lot that someone can do to 'make it go away'.


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

I was married to someone like that. We are now separated. 

Taking care of yourself and a medical condition where you could just stop breathing is something you do for someone you love and for yourself. 

Another perspective is it is abusive to have your sleep constantly disrupted. He could also be not doing anything about it as a passive aggressive behavior. 

Try counseling to talk about it if you want to make the relationship work. If not see a lawyer.


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## HangingOnHope (Oct 26, 2013)

As others have suggested, I did videotape my husband snoring. I did it from my iPhone and on several occasions, both sitting up in a movie theater and lying on a sofa and lying in bed. He himself couldn't believe how LOUD it was. 

I'd tried to get used to it. I'd used white noise machine/Kindle sleepsounds app (ocean waves, etc). Slept in another room. 

I finally encouraged him (strenuously, lol) to go gluten free and to make a few other dietary changes due to an illness he developed...and miraculously, as a side effect... his snoring stopped overnight. Now he only snores when he goes off of his eating protocol. I have no idea how it works or why, only that it has.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

I have made my husband try breathe right strips, anti snore spray, little nose things that I bought off amazon for snoring, all to no avail. It is a HUGE problem and we have had to sleep seperately for a long time. We also have the vacation problem where we are all in the same room. He will even wake up the kids when on vacay. I dont have any solution.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Another thing, some here have mentioned losing weight. Just FYI, my husband is thin (5' 11" and 160lbs) and snores horribly loud. So its not always linked to weight.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> Our relationship vastly improved when we decided to sleep in separate rooms


My wife's a snorer. Thankfully she's willing to sleep on the couch some nights and tries not to always make it MY problem. The difference in the quality of sleep I get with and without her in bed is crazy. We, too, have agreed that maybe we should start sleeping in different beds. I'm actually kind of excited about it.


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## mamawithtwins (Nov 1, 2013)

My father snores so badly that the lamp on their headboard shakes. My mother's story sounds an awful lot like yours, to be honest. He refused to acknowledge his snoring for years, and resented her every time she would leave the room to sleep elsewhere.

He refused to see a doc for ages. She finally convinced him to go, and was not at all surprised to learn that he had a severe sleep apnea problem.

He got the CPAP machine and my mom nearly cried from joy. He wore it for a week, hated it, and went right back to snoring.

She threatened to leave it he didn't try some other solutions, and since he had been diagnosed with apnea, he went along with it.

He tried a stop snoring mouthguard and hated the thing in his mouth.

He tried the nasal spray with no luck.

She got him a chinstrap...and they were thrilled when it worked! His snoring subsided, he felt rested in the morning, all good.

Maybe your husband would try that? There is a BOGO free at http://good-bye-snore.com. That's where she got his. Good luck!


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## mamawithtwins (Nov 1, 2013)

This is just such a tough issue. I really believe that bed-sharing is critical to the continued intimacy of marriage. But I also need to sleep! 

My husband snores like a buffalo. It actually shakes the bed. I've been camped out on the living room floor for several years.

He's got apnea, but can't tolerate the CPAP due to claustrophobia. He tried several OTC solutions to no avail...including the mouthpiece and the nasal sprays. Last Christmas I bought him a chinstrap (kind of as a joke, to be honest). He tried it, and it actually worked! I was shocked, and am so happy to be back in bed


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I didn't get married to sleep alone, and wouldn't stay married if my wife had a different bedroom. But that's just me.


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## agreenbough (Oct 1, 2012)

So it would be okay for your wife to start to resent you horribly because she's exhasuted, as long as you slept in the same bed? I would give almost anything to have my own bed. I'm tired of the earplugs, white noise, and a bed that shakes like it's a slab of jello every time one of us moves. I actually have a comforter and blanket on the floor next to my bed, where I sleep on nights my husband tosses and turns, because our bed shakes so much. It's a mattress we've had four or five years. The reason we bought it was to replace the old one that had the same problem. Salesman insisted this one would not transfer motion. I knew the first night it was as bad as the old one, but my husband would not return it,, even though we had 90 days to do so. Trying to sleep is stressful. I dread it every night. I'd be happier and less moody if I had my own bed. I think my husband would benefit from that.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I didn't get married to sleep alone, and wouldn't stay married if my wife had a different bedroom. But that's just me.


But did you get married to fail to sleep together?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

My SO snores, and I hate it. He's very much in shape, so I can't even hold out the hope that "if he lost weight, it would ease up..." 

I've gotten used to wearing ear plugs, although I don't find them comfortable and don't like wearing them. But they do dampen the sound enough most of the time so I can fall asleep. We were on vacation once when he got a head cold...yikes, I was literally in tears one night and ready to smother him with the pillow.

He doesn't have sleep apnea, but he does have some sort of insomnia that wakes him up far too early. I've suggested a sleep study - I honestly believe the snoring and his insomnia are related. It's probably an airway passage thing and surgery is the only thing that will help. He says he'll go when his big project at work is done. We'll see.

Anyway, I feel for you, OP! If the ear plugs didn't work ok enough for me, I'd be wanting separate rooms, too. At the far, far end of the house. In a professionally sound-proofed room.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If we had separate beds our sex life would end. That I can guarantee. I'm all for trying to fix the snoring but after enduring sexlessness for 10 years this is a hard boundary for me.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

That said, I don't get mad if she leaves for the couch in the middle of the night due to snoring. It happens once in a while.


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

My wife and I both snore. We now have seperate bedrooms - and both get a good nights sleep. There is plenty of time for sex other than the middle of the night.


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## agreenbough (Oct 1, 2012)

I think separate beds would actually improve our sex lives. I'd have more energy and be less angry from being stressed out every night.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

agreenbough said:


> I think separate beds would actually improve our sex lives. I'd have more energy and be less angry from being stressed out every night.


I'd file this under 'things I'll believe when I see'. It's just the kind of thing my wife would say and not follow through with. For the record she said the same thing about doing dishes and that didn't make her horny (like she said it would) either.


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## agreenbough (Oct 1, 2012)

You don't have to believe it. But anything that reduces resentment is a step in the right direction.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

agreenbough said:


> You don't have to believe it. But anything that reduces resentment is a step in the right direction.


You mean reduces 'your' resentment. Of course it does that while increasing his, but nevermind that. His feelings don't count.

Women also claim that helping with housework will reduce resentment and increase libido. But if you look in the sexless marriage posts you'll see most of the men in those cases do more than their fair share. It just doesn't work that way.


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## agreenbough (Oct 1, 2012)

Why would anyone resent anyone for wanting a good night's sleep?
Why should one person make all the sacrifices? You don't even know me. Get the hell off my back, *******.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm not on your back. I'm talking about the issue, not you personally. Anyway you're the one who responded to my post not the other way around. And I don't know how anyone would resent anyone for wanting to wake up next to their wife on a cold winter morning. As I said before not waking up alone was one of the reasons for wanting to get married in the first place. Admittedly not a primary reason but important none the less.


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## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

I am a snorer and I am a little over weight but I have snored since I was a child my exW hated it with a passion, I would get relentless nagging in the night I went and sought medical procedures I had a snorplasty done it reduced it a little bit, but did not cure it, I was sleeping in the other room sometimes or my ex would leave, I get used to go to sleep at 1am because she would have go to sleep before me, and get up at 5.30am to go to work plus getting kicked punched and yelled at for snoring was always happening through out the night, it was no way to live I can tell you that, I tried everything short of having my septum surgically enhanced and pilat surgery. But nothing worked those procedures would have cost a fortune and I am self employed and would have had to been off work for a week or more to recoup and could not afford the time off. 

But since divorcing and meeting someone new who doesn't even notice my snoring unless I'm sleeping directly next to her ear I don't worry about it if she can deal with I think I can to
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You mean reduces 'your' resentment. Of course it does that while increasing his, but nevermind that. His feelings don't count.
> 
> Women also claim that helping with housework will reduce resentment and increase libido. But if you look in the sexless marriage posts you'll see most of the men in those cases do more than their fair share. It just doesn't work that way.


Ok, so you're having difficulty wrapping your head around the fact that separate beds can be a good idea for some couples. Not sure what else to say other than "my marriage isn't your marriage".


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## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

I've been married for 20 years to a snorer. Whenever his snoring woke me, I would gently push him to his side. Felt bad I was waking him but it was the only way to stop it -- until he rolled back over...

A few years ago I slept in a separate room and slept well. During that time we had sex 1-2 x a week. Don't know if they are related but that was also the time I discovered his EA. When I felt him pulling out of our relationship, I returned to our bed.

I currently use ear plugs and a sound machine set to heavy rainfall, volume on high. Problem now, he still wakes a few times at night - maybe his snoring wakes him. Says he needs his computer to get back to sleep, so I am up now not because of the noise but rather his computer light and him moving to plug into the outlets and use the bathroom.

Although he will not like it, I am debating spending a few nights in the other room. In our bed we started holding hands each night. Maybe I'll hold hands for a bit then leave?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

There are now successful treatments for snoring.

It is absolutely true that if you stop talking about it and go seek treatment, you can CURE snoring.

My H forced me out of our bedroom for years with his snoring and I finally forced him to see a specialist. He underwent a procedure called a somnoplasty (10 minutes in the office, a few weeks of a sore throat afterwards) and he STOPPED snoring.

He hasn't snored since he had this one simple procedure. Modern medicine.

But people won't actually go do anything about it. They seem to be OK with this problem in their marriages. They complain, but don't go to the ENT specialist.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

talk123 said:


> Although he will not like it, I am debating spending a few nights in the other room. In our bed we started holding hands each night. Maybe I'll hold hands for a bit then leave?


That's our approach. Start out together in the same bed. Some nights I make it to morning, and some I don't - it's probably a 50/50 proposition right now. No potential for intimacy is lost since at least one of us is already asleep when I leave, and it's probably been two decades since I was awoken in the middle of the night for anything more interesting than a trip to the restroom.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Ok, so you're having difficulty wrapping your head around the fact that separate beds can be a good idea for some couples. Not sure what else to say other than "my marriage isn't your marriage".


Exactly. Not every marriage is a sexless marriage, nor does sleeping separately due to snoring automatically mean the couple's sexual intimacy currently sucks or will suck.

These are two _separate _issues. In sexless marriages, snoring might be an additional reason a person wants to sleep in separate rooms. But in sexy marriages, sleeping apart due to raging snoring simply means somebody wants to get some sleep so they can function. 

Sleep deprivation is a thing. People who can't sleep because of a partner's snoring are chronically sleep deprived, and that impacts everything they do. It's also dangerous for long term health, creating all kinds of illnesses.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK19961/

*"The cumulative long-term effects of sleep loss and sleep disorders have been associated with a wide range of deleterious health consequences including an increased risk of hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression, heart attack, and stroke."*


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

talk123 said:


> I've been married for 20 years to a snorer. Whenever his snoring woke me, I would gently push him to his side. Felt bad I was waking him but it was the only way to stop it -- until he rolled back over...
> 
> A few years ago I slept in a separate room and slept well. During that time we had sex 1-2 x a week. Don't know if they are related but that was also the time I discovered his EA. When I felt him pulling out of our relationship, I returned to our bed.
> 
> ...


You can wear a sleep mask to block the light. But then, yeah...sleep mask, ear plugs, sound machine...when are your accommodations too much? Next, you'll need to build a cocoon.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

norajane said:


> You can wear a sleep mask to block the light. But then, yeah...sleep mask, ear plugs, sound machine...when are your accommodations too much? Next, you'll need to build a cocoon.


When she moved out, her lonely husband began to check out of the marriage so perhaps some accommodation is worth the effort.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> When she moved out, her lonely husband began to check out of the marriage so perhaps some accommodation is worth the effort.


Maybe he needed better boundaries, better conflict resolution skills, and more ethics and morality since he had an EA. Accommodating snoring doesn't fix a cheater nor does it prevent affairs. Cheaters are messed up inside.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Maybe use a voice recorder and record him so he can hear how loud he snores?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

TiggyBlue said:


> Maybe use a voice recorder and record him so he can hear how loud he snores?


She'd have to loop the recording to play back while he's asleep, right in his ear, all night long to give him the full effect.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

norajane said:


> She'd have to loop the recording to play back while he's asleep, right in his ear, all night long to give him the full effect.


Actually not a bad idea.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

norajane said:


> Maybe he needed better boundaries, better conflict resolution skills, and more ethics and morality since he had an EA. Accommodating snoring doesn't fix a cheater nor does it prevent affairs. Cheaters are messed up inside.


Plus unless he himself was trying to accommodate as well (seeing specialist, lose weight if needed ect) he was just as responsible for the situation, not a victim of it.


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## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

norajane said:


> You can wear a sleep mask to block the light. But then, yeah...sleep mask, ear plugs, sound machine...when are your accommodations too much? Next, you'll need to build a cocoon.


Yes. I went through three sleep masks , he bought one for me too ,until I found one that didn't make my eyes puffy the next morning from the compression. Only problem , it would slip off in the middle of the night.
I think two beds put close together with two separate blankets would solve the problem of partners pulling blankets when they get in and out of bed , look for cords/computers but still allow h and wife to hold hands before sleeping.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

norajane said:


> Maybe he needed better boundaries, better conflict resolution skills, and more ethics and morality since he had an EA. Accommodating snoring doesn't fix a cheater nor does it prevent affairs. Cheaters are messed up inside.


Agree. But now i am afraid to sleep in another room. I've thought occassionally if he is asleep first I'd go but have not mustered the courage.
He has difficulty setting boundaries and still denies he ever had an EA even though the text content is revealing.
If he would admit EA, it would be easier to have the lack of sleep discussion with occassion separate rooms. Until then I am afraid to suggest it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Personally I would have no interest in having sex with a man who did not care that I was continually unable to sleep because of his snoring.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

I'm a snorer but I found something that for me works fantastic and eliminated my snoring. A portable humidifier near the bed!! I've had one for about 5 years now, and the few times I forget to put it on, or when I am traveling, I go right back to snoring. My wife and I mentioned this remedy to a few friends with the same problem and they do not believe it. Initially, I think I got the humidifier to deal with a cold and sore throat, and my wife mentioned that I also was not snoring.

So...I'm not sure this is the answer to you out there on TAM, but it really solved the problem for me (and the wife).


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## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

I do, my husband snored so loud next door neighbour can hear  
Also.. my dog snores as well... and they both sleep in the same room... well my husband not too many times because he comes to bed at 5am mostly. I cried over it too.... 
Here's how I did it. I got myself ear plugs with the highest NRR (Noise reduction rating). It works for me. They do wear out fast, but it is worth it. They are not expensive at all, you can get them in drug store or hardware store. Yes... hardware store, those for hard core manufacturers and machines shops. I have been surviving with them for 13 years.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

My wife has to leave every so often due to my snoring. I used to get mad, but now I feel bad that she has to go to spare bedroom because of me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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