# new , looking and a little upset



## dairy mom (Oct 18, 2009)

long time married here and it has always been a little rocky. Came here because porn has put pretty much an end to our marriage. Looking at retirement now and not looking forward to 24/7 togetherness.
As far as the porn, he is addicted, but would never call himself addicted.
Early on sex was good and porn was even a part of it. But then he gradually came to a point that it was all porn and no relationship. Could easily tell he wasn't with me. So tried to talk to him after he accused me of not wanting sex anymore. Told him it wasn't that I didn't want sex, just not the porn all the time. That I needed him to be with me and make me feel like he was with me and not with some fantasy he was running through his head. Not fight about it no discussion just no more sex. We probably have had sex once after our talk and that wasn't successful and that was at least 4 years ago.
He is still doing the internet porn thing after I go to bed. Like he thinks I don't know.
I feel so bad and so much resentment that he chose his internet *****s over me. I think I actually hate him for that.
It makes our entire life together really difficult.
He has other issues I'm not going into right now too much.
He's a control freak and very very mean and selfish. 
So I kind of like to say to some of those in post that I read that kind of think a husband's porn problem is more the wife's problem, YOU ARE SO WRONG. Porn is very damaging.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Just as with too much alcohol, drugs, adultery, being habitually absent from your spouse because of work, et. al., an overage of porn can lay absolute waste to a marital relationship just as much!

You both need to immediately get into counseling to identify and deal with "his" problem! And if he's unwilling to participate because of a false sense of denial, then I'm sorry to say that the relationship is largely doomed!*


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *
> You both need to immediately get into counseling to identify and deal with "his" problem! And if he's unwilling to participate because of a false sense of denial, then I'm sorry to say that the relationship is largely doomed!*


I agree with arbitrator, counseling would be the best thing for you both. Work towards getting on the same page, and finding closeness with each other again.


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