# I've done it again!



## StupidPushOver (Sep 4, 2010)

My first post here. 

I've been married for 18 years. Let me say first that my wife is truly a wonderful person. Kind, generous, compassionate and selfless. Thats at work though where she works with children with cancer. Thats one of the reasons I fell in love with her and in that respect she has never changed. 

But... 

She is not like that at home. She is selfish, arrogant, controlling etc. etc. I've supported her every step of our marriage so she can continue doing what she does while I've gotten nothing in return. She spends money freely without any consideration for the needs of her family. I work in computers and I have not been able to upgrade my computer in 7 years. I have no friends outside of work and most of my family avoids me. 

I could keep going for several pages but I think you get the idea. The bottom line is that I am dead inside and miserable. Have been for a long time. I've put my foot down many times and demanded change. I've threatened to leave. She gets better for a few weeks and things go back to.. normal. I resent her for everything she has done and hate her for how I feel. I hate myself for what I have become. The only thing I love and live for is my 4 children. 

Yesterday I got the guts to ask for a trial separation. I don't think she saw it coming. Even after me telling her for weeks that I am unhappy and resent her. 

The talk went well I thought. I asked her not to talk to anyone about it until we had time to work out the details and sign an agreement. She got angry at me. I clarified that she could talk to girlfriends etc but not general public until it was official. Later she unfriended me on facebook basically making it public! 

We fought about it. We spoke about it. She did a lot of crying and was sorry. She acknowledged what she does to me and vowed to change. It's been 18 years with no changes. I caved and called off the separation but insisted on counseling.

I'm beginning to feel like a pushover. I wanted the separation to find time to rediscover myself and give her time to realize what she has. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know anymore.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Of course you're doing the right thing, you've let yourself be taken advantage of and abused by her.

You may not finish in divorce, but obviously talk doesn't work with her only action.

You're probably best off getting a renewed interest in physical fitness and dressing a little better. i.e. looking like you are taking action to potentially attract someone new into your life at some point. All talk is is talk, actually looking like you might make a move is taken far more seriously.


----------

