# Do you know how to spell your child’s name?



## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Do you know how to spell your child’s name? Of course you do, what a stupid question!

Today XH was finally filling out the FAFSA for DD17 and ran into lots of problems. The first being he didn’t know how to spell her ****ing name. What?! He texts “is it spelled wrongname1 or wrongname2 with an e?” Um no, it is correctname. “Oh yeah, I only use her nickname, so...”. At first I assumed it was autocorrect, but nope, he really didn’t know. 

She has a traditional name with the most traditional spelling, not some annoying creative twist on a normal name. This is his own child, not some niece or nephew or friend’s kid. 

I waffled between mad and sad all day and landed on sad. How disconnected from your kid can you be to not know their name? He isn’t an absentee dad physically and I guarantee he can spell our son’s name without texting me. But he is totally disconnected from our daughter. She has Aspergers (autism) and I get how hard that is to connect, probably more than anyone. He hasn’t been to a parent conference or IEP meeting since she was diagnosed in 3rd grade. So I would understand if he didn’t know her current coping skill or her favorite color - but her name? WTF?

I am really overwhelmed with college planning for this child. Her grades and test scores have garnished interest from some amazing schools. But trying to find a school with the right balance of academics and accommodations and a smidge of emotional support has meant a lot of research, phone calls, and in-person visits. It is a huge amount of work on top of my job, which is in busy season, and just managing life. For him to not help in any capacity and then not even know her name just sent me over the edge. 

Am I overreacting? I know I can’t control their relationship but it would be nice to know if I am hit by a bus that the other parent has some idea who she is.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*

I don't think you're over-reacting. I would feel stunned and probably upset by the deeper meaning this implies if I were in your shoes.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I don’t have children but I’m going with I don’t think you’re over reacting. But then again I don’t know how big of an asshat your XH is. I’m guessing bigger than you even imagined. Sorry. 

Good luck to your daughter in her search.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*

I think most people would be upset by this. I am mildly annoyed when family and friends spell my kids names wrong. Mostly because they are normal "old fashion" names (though I give slack on my daughters name because it's uncommon). 

If their mother didn't know how to spell their names... that would be more than mildly annoying. One of my children has Down syndrome. If my wife knew how to spell the other kid's names but not his... Yes I would be hurt and angry. 

Don't hold onto the anger, though.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*

WOW! I named my kids so I guess I know how to spell their names!

I know how to spell my grandkids names too.

Good Lord!!!:surprise:


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

That's a shame on him for sure. You have every right to be upset.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*



Cooper said:


> That's a shame on him for sure. You have every right to be upset.


If I ever forget Dumbass' and Whathisname's whatevermathingys', I would never forgive myself. Natch!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sounds like XH has a learning disability.

And it spelled a bad marriage outcome for him.

You would be surprised how many Americans cannot spell or do simple math..

A lot.

So sad. :|


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*

@Bluesclues

Is your ex dyslexic? Does he do much reading and/or writing? 

I ask because I'm sort-of dyslexic and sometimes will completely forget how to spell the most common words. It's worse in English and in Italian or Spanish because at least the Latin based languages are phonetic.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*



EleGirl said:


> @Bluesclues
> 
> Is your ex dyslexic? Does he do much reading and/or writing?
> 
> I ask because I'm sort-of dyslexic and sometimes will completely forget how to spell the most common words. It's worse in English and in Italian or Spanish because at least the Latin based languages are phonetic.


If I am not mistaken, @EleGirl, you came to America from some other place?
And English is not your first language?

If so, any writing issues that you might have are eminently excusable.
People forget that those who are foreign born (non English areas) are at a disadvantage when it comes to language and its ease-of-use.

Even native born citizens (in all countries) get self-locked into various local idioms. This often holds them back in social/societal advancement. Having a strong accent or dialect is often a disadvantage.

Unless it is a 'cute' one!


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> @Bluesclues
> 
> Is your ex dyslexic? Does he do much reading and/or writing?
> 
> I ask because I'm sort-of dyslexic and sometimes will completely forget how to spell the most common words. It's worse in English and in Italian or Spanish because at least the Latin based languages are phonetic.


I don’t know if he still is but he was an avid reader when we were together. He doesn’t have much opportunity for writing. I don’t believe his is dyslexic but you never know. He is a really smart guy but he struggled in school. His home life was pretty messed up so he tried to blend in like paint and didn’t want to draw attention to his issues. He self diagnosed ADD when our kids were being evaluated. He definitely has some form of a learning disability. 

Maybe it was just a brain fart due to pressure. He has a bad track record of not following through with things until people are irate with him, and even then he pushes off a bit longer. Which is what happened with these financial aid forms.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Just remember - he's your ex for a reason.

Please, please don't let daughter know this fact.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*

*Because he is simply your XH, and it's fairly rare that any divorce or post-divorce situation goes amicably without some contentious element being present, then there is, IMHO, a much greater percentage probability that there is, indeed, a hidden element of resentment there; and if he is truly a worthless, arrogant, overbearing a$$hat, then that fact, in and of itself, only increases those odds! 

Choose your battles or resentments more wisely, as this doesn't really seem to be worth the energy to be fighting over or berating him about!*


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

there are named like my last name that generally get spelled wrong. It's long and there are 4 accepted versions among european countries (all imported to the US). Then there are names like my bosses last name that if you just start writing it will come out correct every time. 
To answer the question, I can spell my kids names, even my youngest's greek middle name which is as long as my last. 
My autistic daughter was diagnosed at university after she skipped a class for a whole semester. She graduated, with a year of academic probation. Mostly it came down to having good counseling at hand. I keep suggesting that she go to a university with a dyscalculia expert for post graduate work, but she disagrees. She is working on some real life credits to prop up her GPA right now. Some of it is very frustrating for her.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*

Although I frequently call my kids by their siblings names by mistake, I do in fact know how to spell all their names, both first and middle!!! 

It sounds like he does have some learning issues so instead of being mad, I'd probably just be sad.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Do you know how to spell your child’s name?*



Bluesclues said:


> I don’t know if he still is but he was an avid reader when we were together. He doesn’t have much opportunity for writing. I don’t believe his is dyslexic but you never know. He is a really smart guy but he struggled in school. His home life was pretty messed up so he tried to blend in like paint and didn’t want to draw attention to his issues. He self diagnosed ADD when our kids were being evaluated. He definitely has some form of a learning disability.
> 
> Maybe it was just a brain fart due to pressure. He has a bad track record of not following through with things until people are irate with him, and even then he pushes off a bit longer. Which is what happened with these financial aid forms.


I don't know him so the following is just my general take on things....

I'd assume that it's a brain fart and not something that shows that he's a not so good father or not a good person. (I don't want to say "bad" because I don't think that's what you are saying."

Even after all the problems you two have been through, he felt comfortable enough with you to ask you something to reveals a personal flaw.

{Of course this comes from someone who cannot spell without a computer & spell check  }

I know how to spell my son's name... it's simple "Paul". 4 letter I can handle. >

ETA: I agree with Blondie, don't let your daughter know this.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't know ages etc, but sometimes people with memory loss try to conceal it. This is of course usually an old age issue, but I think its possible for there to be issues for younger adults as well. There is such a stigma against various mental issues / mental illness, that many people won't admit that they have a problem.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Pathetic. You are not over reacting, I would be pissed as hell.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Thank you all for giving me a space to get my emotions out into the universe and giving alternative thoughts other than him being a complete DB. It really helped. 

That day I was completely in the frustration/resentment vortex with him. I ended up having to complete the application for him, which is technically illegal, because he just couldn’t do it. Then I start to wonder if he is really that inept or did he just manipulate me into doing something he didn’t want to, yet again. I sometimes seriously wonder if he is like Keyser Soze from the Usual Suspects and the ineptitude is just cover for his manipulative genius. More likely he is just a guy with issues that make normal tasks difficult and difficult tasks almost impossible. 

I was pretty proud of myself for not sharing my negative reaction about the wrong name or application fiasco with him - I just saved it for you all, lol.


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