# OW driving me crazy



## scotsbird (Jan 24, 2012)

Hi,
Hopefully someone else will have been in this position and have some wise words...
I found out about my husband's affair 5 weeks ago. He's never wanted to leave, and promised to stop all contact as well as working on our relationship. It's been a struggle, but things are starting to feel a bit better. He is being very open, and I know he found it difficult to stop all contact at first, particularly since the OW would not back off and kept ringing / texting. He is telling me when she gets in touch (which is less often in the last couple of weeks) and I do feel that we are moving towards reconciliation, although I am scared that I might find out he's been lying and still seeing her. I guess that these feelings are normal, and he keeps telling me how sorry he is and trying to reassure me. Time will tell there...
My real problem is this - the OW has 4 children at my children's school, one in my son's class (this is how we all met). I can't avoid seeing her, in the playground, at school events and kid's birthday parties. It's a small school and there are lots of mutual friends. Possibly because I have to see her every day, I can't get her out of my mind and it's driving me crazy. This woman pursued a friendship with me & my family and encouraged our children to spend a lot of time together, and all the time was after my husband. All she could say when I found out was that she couldn't help the way she feels, and she never meant to hurt me. I absolutely hate & despise her. I'm a pretty calm, kind person and I get on with most people so feeling this strong a dislike for someone is hard. I often find myself fantasising about punching her in the face and I want her to suffer for what she's done to me and my family (I know my OH did it too, but I do believe that she pursued him and from what he has said, he did try to end things several times and she wouldn't let it drop - this is certainly what has happened after I found out). Logically I know that I need to take the higher ground, ignore her and focus on my relationship and family, but she keeps popping into my head. She even appears in my dreams so it feels as if I can't find peace anywhere. I cried and cried the other night, it was so upsetting. Has anyone experienced anything like this? If anyone has any tips or wise words, I would be so grateful as I think I'm going to lose my mind.
Thank you


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Welcome

A few questions

Is the OW married?
Is your husband still contact the OW , if not why has he not changed his mobile number?
Has he sent a no contact letter , if not he sends one and if she contacts him again she can be charged with harrassment.

There are some pointers in the newbie link I will post at the end.

Sadly as your children and hers go to the same school you either have her in your face or you move to a new school district. Normally I advise a move.

Newbie thread

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry for your pain.

He needs to block her # so she cannot contact him. 

Is she married?


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## scotsbird (Jan 24, 2012)

Hi and thanks for the welcome and the link,

- The OW is not married. She split up with her partner a couple of months before we met her. A lot of the initial groundwork for the EA which then became a PA was done by pulling his & my 'White Knight' strings (in fact I think that's how she saw him) - she's lonely, she's in a difficult situation with 4 kids & house that needs a lot of attention & no money, etc etc. Helping her out seemed like the thing to do, more fool me. Also, it seems that a lot of the affair happened on a weekend when her kids were at their dad's house and I though my WS was out with friends.

- he says he is not contacting her but that she has texted him a couple of times in the last 2 weeks. Changing his number would be difficult as he is self-employed and uses the number for work. He has had some good jobs as repeat business where a client has contacted him after a year or so - we would lose that possibility if he changed number and we need all the income we can get. That said, if she doesn't back off we will need to take action. He hasn't sent a letter, so this would be the next step. 

Unfortunately, I don't think changing schools is an option, for a number of reasons. It's a nicer, better school than the alternative and feeds into a really good high school, which it would be difficult to get the kids into otherwise as there are other, worse schools nearer to us. Both children really enjoy going and have made a lot of friends; I don't think it's fair to disrupt them if there is an alternative. And quite frankly, as I write this I'm thinking why should I disrupt them and change their lives even more because my H chose to let some conniving, manipulative cow lead him around by the you-know-what? They are already upset about what's happened, why should they have to suffer any more consequences when, out of everyone, they are the complete innocents. So I'll have her in my face, and I will deal with it. Fortunately, my friends in the playground are all very supportive.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Call his cell provider and have her number blocked....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

scotsbird said:


> - he says he is not contacting her but that she has texted him a couple of times in the last 2 weeks. Changing his number would be difficult as he is self-employed and uses the number for work. He has had some good jobs as repeat business where a client has contacted him after a year or so - we would lose that possibility if he changed number and we need all the income we can get. That said, if she doesn't back off we will need to take action. He hasn't sent a letter, so this would be the next step.


He doesn't have to change his #. He can simply either call his cell company OR go online to his cell company's website and her her phone #s blocked. That way none of her calls will come into her phone.

He should be taking ever proactive measure to ensure he has ZERO contact with her, including telling her to never call him again.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If all that doesn't work do what you have to do to protect your sanity. Namely, you can ask your H to move out, and to take his phone with him. If he won't go the distance and can't understand why it is unhealthy and provoking for you to be exposed to these constant and unwanted interruptions into your home life, he isn't worthy to be a part of that. It's not a matter of you being good enough for him to choose you over her, it's you being worthy of him doing something about the intrusions.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If all that doesn't work do what you have to do to protect your sanity. Namely, you can ask your H to move out, and to take his phone with him. If he won't go the distance and can't understand why it is unhealthy and provoking for you to be exposed to these constant and unwanted interruptions into your home life, he isn't worthy to be a part of that. It's not a matter of you being good enough for him to choose you over her, it's you being worthy of him doing something about the intrusions.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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