# Ladies: How would you react?



## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

Thought I would ask for the ladies perspective on this: Last night wife and I were at a 25th anniversary party for some friends. It was a large affair with over 100 people there. We weresitting at a table with other couples who we were acquainted with but not really close friends. A photographer was coming table to table taking pictures of each group of guests. When he came to our table one of the other women at the table who had had quite a few drinks already stood behind me for the picture. Before tho photo was taken she began to rubmy checks with bothhands then proceeded to rubmy chest in the same manner. This was all in plan view of my wife who was standing right next to her. I removed her hands and the picture was taken. I felt awkward about this but there was no reaction from my wife. Later, on the dancefloor while dancing with my wife, the same woman came over and tried to insert herself between wife and I doing some fairly suggestive dance moves. I paid no attention to her and kept dancing with my wife until the other woman floated to another part of the dancefloor. I said to my wife "well that's twice tonight that xxxxx has made me uncomfortable" and my wife's response was " well you know she gets touchy-feely when she has a few too many".
Now I know my wife completely trusts me and all and I know she is confident in that but I have toadmit there is a little part of me that wished she got a little more possessive of me during these couple of interactions. I guess I just wonder for a ladies point of view would you have reacted/done anything more or less if you were in a similar situation? I know it maybe childish but I sort of wish my wife felt at least a twinge of jealousy at the time.
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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

She might of only showed the jealousy if you had gave her reason too...... You're one of the good guys... why want doubt?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

i don't think i would have reacted any differently, and i am the jealous type. since the lady was drunk and your wife seems to know she's touch/feely when drunk it doesn't sound like a threatening situation. 

but it does sound like she's saying that it had nothing to do with you and that the lady does that to everyone. so i can see how that would sting a little.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Having been around "flirty drunk" people, I give them no credit for who they choose to hit on, me included. Drunk people don't matter. I think YOUR reaction matters tho, more than the drunk one. 

And since you handled it well, she didn't HAVE to get all jealous! You did good...she feels loved. Period.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Uhm. I would have made s scene. Good or bad, I would have confronted her for a face-off and asked why she thought it was even remotely ok to touch my man... 

But your wife sounds cool and trusting, and that's just who she is... Which is awesome! She was calm and collected like a respectful girl should be! She probably just didn't see a need to embarrass anyone, including the "ow".

But I would have. For sure. LoL!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

If I was your wife and I saw how you handled that woman, I would have probably acted in much of the same way as she did.

It sounds like you handled the drunk woman quite well and because you're good at handling those situations, your wife feels confident and secure so doesn't need to act jealous. If the friend does tend to act like that when drinking then your good common-sense in how to handle her suggestiveness, accompanied by your wife's trust in you left absolutely no room for drama.

Trust, as I'm sure you know from visiting this site, is very valuable. Why stir up more drama where there isn't any? You have a good thing going there. Don't waste time thinking about what you don't have (a jealous, insecure, raging wife) and appreciate what you do!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

A bit (not a lot!) of possessiveness on rare occasion can make us feel wanted and desired, not taken for granted. I get that. You want to feel like she wants you and no woman had better make sexual moves on you in front of her. 

There was a time when a fellow student came on to me at a party (this was in college) and he did it right in front of my then boyfriend (now hubby). My husband got so annoyed he cut off the guy and we left the party early. It's not like him to get territorial but I'll admit, I really liked it! 

If I were at that event you attended, I probably would have said something when the second incident happened. I wouldn't create a scene, but words would be said.


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> A bit (not a lot!) of possessiveness on rare occasion can make us feel wanted and desired, not taken for granted. I get that. You want to feel like she wants you and no woman had better make sexual moves on you in front of her.
> 
> There was a time when a fellow student came on to me at a party (this was in college) and he did it right in front of my then boyfriend (now hubby). My husband got so annoyed he cut off the guy and we left the party early. It's not like him to get territorial but I'll admit, I really liked it!
> 
> If I were at that event you attended, I probably would have said something when the second incident happened. I wouldn't create a scene, but words would be said.


 I think you hit on it Coffee.....a little reaction would have made me feel a little more desirable by the wife. I know she is very trusting and confident that she is the only one I have eyes for but I wouldn't have minded if I got the feeling she felt I was worth her staking her "territory" a little.
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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You handled it well, so she didn't need to get possessive or intercede on your behalf. Maybe she felt bothered by the drunk woman, but probably she felt proud of the way you handled it. Showing jealousy and possessiveness isn't a great thing; it's like a loss of control, IMO. Maybe she felt it but didn't want to empower the drunk chick by showing it? Sounds like she trusts you and that's a good thing.

I'm a possessive person when it comes to my partner, but, I expect him to behave honorably and show me my due respect without my having to demonstrate my jealousy or possessiveness; I might have felt upset, but would not have said anything unless my partner had failed to do so. Alas, stbxh liked the ego boost and chased the flirtation and encouraged it rather than shutting it down. I think you should see that your wife trusts you, rather than worry that she isn't being more insecure; a woman is more likely to cherish a man she can trust, I think.

Just my two cents.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I would have made a snappy comment the first time and outright punched her the second time. That's just me though.
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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I think just because your wife didn't react in this scenario, doesn't necessarily mean she's not protective of you or wouldn't feel jealousy given another circumstance. Props to you though, the fact that she's confident and trusting in how you are is something to feel good about. Value that and realize what that means to your wife, more than having her feel jealous.

What would her showing jealousy mean to you? Would it be more related to feeling desired by her? Or maybe I'm off track in thinking that way?


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I think just because your wife didn't react in this scenario, doesn't necessarily mean she's not protective of you or wouldn't feel jealousy given another circumstance. Props to you though, the fact that she's confident and trusting in how you are is something to feel good about. Value that and realize what that means to your wife, more than having her feel jealous.
> 
> What would her showing jealousy mean to you? Would it be more related to feeling desired by her? Or maybe I'm off track in thinking that way?


 yes, I think that was all I was looking for. A little more of a response would have made me feel a little more desirable to my wife. I agree that we both handled it well and it was really no big deal but as a posted earlier I wouldn't have minded a tiny bit more of a response, even a "wow, that was inappropriate" would have been OK. We were at a wedding earlier this summer where some drunk inappropriately put his hands on my wife and, trust me, my response was totally different which I think she appreciated. (see my post from 7/14). All in all though I was just curious as to how other ladies might have responded so thanks for the feedback.
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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Personally, if it were me I'd grab my man, give her a nasty look, turn around and make out with him. 

Keep looking all you want *****, he's all mine


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

It sounds like your wife was trying to use good judgment and not give you a hard time when you clearly weren't doing anything wrong. 

I can only speak for myself, but I would've maybe felt a little possessive/jealous, but tried not to show it in a negative way because it would make me look insecure and catty. So I might've teased and maybe shown it in a playful way, like grab my husband and say "you're all mine" or something.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

And let me add this--I would NOT have liked some broad touching my husband. I'd probably check my own reaction, but IMO that is TOTALLY inappropriate.

Call me prudish, but I have really strong feelings about NOT being touched by any man other than my husband, and vice versa. I actually think it's a turn-on that my body is only for him, and his body is only for me. If you're not my husband, hands off!!!

Also a strange story that this reminded me of: H and I were at a hot tub party recently that got bizarrely out of control: it was a married couple, a single woman, and another woman who was married but her hubby wasn't there. Everyone was all over everyone, except me and my husband. Not making out overtly, but just being "playful" I guess. After it crossed a certain line and we could tell they were going to start making out with each other and probably more, we left the party.

This might sound weird, but it really made me respect and love and value him a lot more, and even turned me on, to see that he didn't seem tempted (he might've been) in this situation, and that we had the same boundaries. The other husband kind of got close to me, but I made it clear that I wasn't into it. 

In a weird way, other people, whatever your personal boundaries are, can actually bring you and your spouse closer together.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

I try to use a little humor in these situations. If I were your wife, after the second situation, I think I would have whispered in your ear "if she does that again, I'm taking her out!" and then winked at you.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

There are those people that drink a little bit but are not any where near as drunk as they would like people to believe. They then take liberties with what they say and how touchy they get. I have seen some guys use this in a PUA fashion or just in being the jerk fashion to see how far they can push things. 

In many ways however, I think women get away with this more than men do. Then there are just people that get this drunk. 

I would suspect my wife would either have spoken up at the first incident or just gave me a heads up if that happens again to get out of the way.

If the situation were the reverse there would not have been a second time. The guy would be on a liquid diet for sure. 

But for this thread the wife new that this was not the hubbies fault.

I do find it amazing how for the OP this scenario comes up frequently. His wife was grabbed and pulled onto another mans lap at a wedding. Must be a very hot couple that people cannot keep their hands off. Wow. LOL.

BTW, I don't see this as a jealousy issue. Jealosy would be if the spouse encouraged it in some way. That is not in evidence. So too if the roles were reveresed grabbing a woman's @$$ is sexual assault. That is not about jelaousy. This is about openly disrespecting both the wife and the husband in either case.

And I suspect this is another double standard. A woman could get away with this behavior more than a man.

And this may be my misunderstanding. She was rubbing his "cheeks". Sorry I saw that as rubbing his butt. I would have spoken to the man though quite firmly.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Soxfan said*: When he came to our table one of the other women at the table who had had quite a few drinks already stood behind me for the picture. Before tho photo was taken she began to rubmy checks with bothhands then proceeded to rubmy chest in the same manner. This was all in plan view of my wife who was standing right next to her. I removed her hands and the picture was taken. I felt awkward about this but there was no reaction from my wife. Later, on the dancefloor while dancing with my wife, the same woman came over and tried to insert herself between wife and I doing some fairly suggestive dance moves. I paid no attention to her and kept dancing with my wife until the other woman floated to another part of the dancefloor. I said to my wife "well that's twice tonight that xxxxx has made me uncomfortable" and my wife's response was " well you know she gets touchy-feely when she has a few too many".
> 
> Now I know my wife completely trusts me and all and I know she is confident in that but I have toadmit there is a little part of me that wished she got a little more possessive of me during these couple of interactions. I guess I just wonder for a ladies point of view would you have reacted/done anything more or less if you were in a similar situation? I know it maybe childish but I sort of wish my wife felt at least a twinge of jealousy at the time.


I can understand your wanting a little more uummpphh out of your wife -a least a little RUSH of "hey this chick is touching my man" attitude shown....that could play out in some reaction -instead of just a simple one liner -about the drunk friend.

I'd likely feel similar to you in this. We like to feel our spouse is watching every move and it stirs something within. A little "cat fight" under the surface. 

I feel when a woman totally TRUSTS her man, because he has been a good man, faithful and true, he treats his wife with love & respect, he does the right thing....Maybe he isn't jumping to tell someone off, but is a little more laid back given a situation like THIS - (I could see my husband being similar to you in this) .....These facts alone keep her from reacting TOO FAST... in a heated exchange ....then considering she was dealing with a woman who was sloshed ..adds another layer to the drama. 

Think about it....depending on her state... it's not like confronting a drunk is gonna help too much -might even cause a scene. The party hushes-all eyes on the 3 of you... what if she wants to fight, throws a beer on the wife. [email protected]#$% 

Worth all that, I don't think so. 

I would have been similar to the wife...I'm not into making a scene....I just don't do things like that out in public unless it was really outragous...Instead, I'd want us to avoid the woman, and keep moving if she came near......

...But unlike your wife....I'd have lots to say to my husband in how he handled it -giving him Kudoos :smthumbup: and maybe some light teasing how this drunk chick wants him-but he is all MINE tonight -that sort of thing.... Also showing some irritation about her drunken flirty state -just depending. But it'd be kept between me & him. 

Now if your wife is not an attentive woman, jealous of your time with her, loving on you all the time -if you don't feel a Priority in her life.... THIS I would deem more of the issue - over "not enough" jealously shown on a given occasion. 

I wouldn't think she loved you any less or desired you any less in any way shape or form.

Your wife probably trusts you - you are a GOOD man - and she likley recognizes dealing with a drunk is fruitless- not like the woman is gonna sit up & listen that night.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

in my tree said:


> I try to use a little humor in these situations. If I were your wife, after the second situation, I think I would have whispered in your ear "if she does that again, I'm taking her out!" and then winked at you.


This would of been ideal....would of let you know she trusted you, yet a little hint of jealousy.. to let you know she was "aware".


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I mean, from my perspective, my husband was the groomsman for his brother's wedding. He had to take a multitude of pictures paired up with a bridesmaid who, I think very much had in her mind that this party was going to go down like Wedding Crashers, but sad for her all the groomsmen were either married or engaged themselves. She was a bit too friendly during the picture sessions, touchy feely, etc. Did it bother me, well - yes. 

But, there was little to no sense in saying anything. I wasn't going to ruin my sister in law's wedding by demanding my husband and/or the offending bridesmaid couldn't be in the pictures. I wasn't going to say anything to him, as it would make him feel unduly guilty about being in his brother's wedding, which would be unfair. 

So, there's a difference between not being jealous, and not reacting knowing it might be more trouble than it is worth. 

This was indeed at a 25th anniversary party for your friends.
So, I'm uncertain how strongly you wanted her to react, without it becoming an unnecessary distraction and embarrassment for the celebrating couple. Perhaps she just didn't want to cause trouble.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

There is a difference between what I imagine I would do & what I would actually do..

I imagine I would break her fingers the first time she touched my H. 

In reality, I would probably get in a huff if he did not remove her hands & then I would leave.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Yeah, can see this happening... My partner would have probably go Comanche on her and go for her scalp...

But hey, you did the right thing and your partner was happy about it. That ain't a bad thing. She would probably have a different demeanor if you had done things differently.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I had included this in my original post, then deleted this part.....to share though, there was a slightly older woman I knew and my husband had met before. She's a funny character, and I'd view her as harmless in her demeanor. We were at a function, she landed a big lipstick kiss on my husband's cheek (on his face, E3000), and she said a few flirty comments - generally which are delivered in a goofy way. She was like this with others, and was a bit tipsy. Heck she'd even flutter her eyelids at me if I complimented her - delivered in a humorous way. My husband didn't encourage her flirtations and felt she was harmless, just as I did. However.....I did feel she took it a little too far with a comment she made one time, and with a playful tone I said to her, "Oi! Back off my man!" I didn't feel threatened or jealous. I trust how my husband handles scenarios and feel secure in that. Yet I still felt the need to remind her, for my own benefit, that there's a line with the humor and it was disrespectful to me. She toned it right done after that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> I had included this in my original post, then deleted this part.....to share though, there was a slightly older woman I knew and my husband had met before. She's a funny character, and I'd view her as harmless in her demeanor. We were at a function, she landed a big lipstick kiss on my husband's cheek (on his face, E3000), and she said a few flirty comments - generally which are delivered in a goofy way. She was like this with others, and was a bit tipsy. Heck she'd even flutter her eyelids at me if I complimented her - delivered in a humorous way. My husband didn't encourage her flirtations and felt she was harmless, just as I did. However.....I did feel she took it a little too far with a comment she made one time, and with a playful tone I said to her, "Oi! Back off my man!" I didn't feel threatened or jealous. I trust how my husband handles scenarios and feel secure in that. Yet I still felt the need to remind her, for my own benefit, that there's a line with the humor and it was disrespectful to me. She toned it right done after that.


 Cheeks. LOL.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I would have kicked her ass!

But that's just me...


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

I am not as nice as your wife, I trust my H but not cool enough to watch this without any reaction. I'll look at her like "don't mess with me" and the second time I'll stare at her till she disappears. But inside I'll be proud to have an attractive H.


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

So just to clarify for E3000.....it was the checks on my face. If it were the other ones I'd have hoped for a bit of a stronger reaction from the wife.....lol
And it's true we have been to two events this summer with some strange happenings. I don't know if it's because we are such a hot couple as E3000 supposes (although I like to think so) or if it is because, it seems to me, people are drinking to greater excess these days than I remember in the past. I think the liquor is the catalyst for much of the inappropriate behavior especially for people who have a predisposition to be a little crude to begin with.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SoxFan said:


> So just to clarify for E3000.....it was the checks on my face. If it were the other ones I'd have hoped for a bit of a stronger reaction from the wife.....lol
> And it's true we have been to two events this summer with some strange happenings. I don't know if it's because we are such a hot couple as E3000 supposes (although I like to think so) or if it is because, it seems to me, people are drinking to greater excess these days than I remember in the past. I think the liquor is the catalyst for much of the inappropriate behavior especially for people who have a predisposition to be a little crude to begin with.


Just shows where my mind goes. 

LOL.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Just shows where my mind goes.
> 
> LOL.


Yep.... typical.... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## [email protected] (Jan 30, 2012)

Thats a compliment to you that she did not flip out it means she totally trusts you. Although I on the other hand the 2nd time around I might have called her out for it. I do understand a little jeolusy in a relationship re-assures you in a sense you still got that spice..... but don't sweat it you have a very confidnet woman there....


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

What did she look like because you know it matters. LOL

I think I would have been the same. It's more about how you handled it than the woman being innappropriate. You reacting appropriately gave her no reason to be jealous.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Apparently all you guys want jail time. His wife handled it just fine. No need to go throwing punches or acting like jerks over a drunk chick being well drunk. I would have reacted the same way. Oh look, there's so and so acting like a fool. The joke is on her, not me being dragged off in handcuffs.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think there's a huge difference between some random drunk person coming up and flirting with or hitting on your date/spouse/GF/BF and "So-and-So Who Always Gets Tipsy" flirting with them.

The first should be firmly dismissed, the second makes for a fun betting pool at the party!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I wouldn't have done anything because I know my husband isn't going to (a) want it or (b) act on it. I have more class than that. If my husband was disappointed that I didn't drag out my claws to mark my territory and rub his ego, well, that's HIS issue.

That said, it can open up a conversation on whether either of us feels like we're not getting our needs met. Most men have Admiration as a key Emotional Need.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

May I just ask if you felt that your wife has not paid enough attention latey which was why you wanted her to feel a twinge of jealousy?


I felt that you could had easily resolved it by taking your wife with you and leave the party immediately (that is, if your wife had not objections about leaving) to show that you did not want to be involved in that type of awkwardness.


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

Not sure why your wife didn't react. Maybe embarrassed at the thought of causing a scene? Sounds like everyone at the wedding party was paralyzed by the same thought, its a shame because someone calling her out on her bad behavior would have been a good lesson for her, IMHO.

I once booted a woman at a club for grabbing a double handful of my husbands a$$. I was not amused with her being playful. You want to grab some a$$? Come grab mine. I can climb a tree in these heels, taking a walk up your back won't be a problem.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Now I would have said something only because a very drunk single woman was at a party I was at hitting on all "the husbands." Sadly 1 unhappy husband took the bait & started an affair with her & left his wife of 23 yrs. (2 children). We were all friends except this woman.

So I'm a bit sensitive to this issue.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

I have a good guy that I trust wholeheartedly but *I* would have told her to knock it off. Jealousy has nothing to do with it, it's principle. I would feel TOTALLY disrespected and that's one thing I can't stand. It's seriously a pet peeve of mine and I just wouldn't stand for it. Not to mention, it would be disrespect to my husband as well.....nope. Wouldn't fly.


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