# Have you ever made concessions in the bed room?



## mogforu007 (Jun 27, 2011)

Im just curious if there is anything sexually you wanted to do with your spouse, but they didnt like it so you gave up doing it. For me it was anal and looking at porn together. Neither deal breakers, and besides those two things she a freak in the bed. So what have yall given up?


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Can't say that I have. If anything, we've _expanded_ our sexual repertoire. Whenever we've tried something new, it's always with the understanding that we both have to be comfortable with it to continue. Now, temporarily is another matter. After we first started indulging in anal sex, there was one time we both weren't quite in synch, and she didn't enjoy it as she had previously. So, she called a stop to it. For about a year, it was off the proverbial menu, and I was fine with that. Then, she was ready and willing to condor it again. We did, we enjoyed it, and we haven't looked back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Our experience has been similar to Grayson's. There are some things both of us are hesitant to try and we may never get around to doing them, there have been others that were on the menu, then off permanently after we both decided it wasn't quite like we expected, some that come and go and come back around again, and some that are old standbys and favorites.

I guess I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you have a good relationship with your wife - you're open with each and care about and respect each other - then you should be looking at this like a fantastic journey of discovery. Sometimes its slow and plodding, and sometimes it's like P-O-W! But it's something you can enjoy every step of the way if you don't fret it too much and you're taking it together.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Our experience has been similar to Grayson's. There are some things both of us are hesitant to try and we may never get around to doing them, there have been others that were on the menu, then off permanently after we both decided it wasn't quite like we expected, some that come and go and come back around again, and some that are old standbys and favorites.
> 
> I guess I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you have a good relationship with your wife - you're open with each and care about and respect each other - then you should be looking at this like a fantastic journey of discovery. Sometimes its slow and plodding, and sometimes it's like P-O-W! But it's something you can enjoy every step of the way if you don't fret it too much and you're taking it together.


I guess one would call it making concessions. My x wife wanted basics. If I had mentioned anything too spicy, she would have had me taken off in a straight jacket.:rofl:


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Anal. She won't even let me try it. And up until recently I thought I was going to have to give up on giving her oral. Still won't let me finger her anymore.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

frustr8dhubby said:


> Anal. She won't even let me try it. And up until recently I thought I was going to have to give up on giving her oral. Still won't let me finger her anymore.


I have a question that I have asked several times to men who want to try anal with an unwilling wife. Would be willing to let her give you abal with a dildo the size of your penis? Let say she said I'll try if you will first and every time I let you you have to return the favor. How atractive does anal seem now? 

I'd advise women who are being pestered by husbands for anal to purchase a dildo and when he begins to pester - pull that bad boy out, grease it up and put it on the bedside table. Tell him the above. Some men will give up at that point. :}}

Some will call your bluff just go along only to stop when he sees you have every intention of doing it and a few men will want it. If they do then you have a decision - can you maintain attraction to a man who likes anal sex on him. 

I think this will get rid of 98% of the problem of men who will not give up the anal sex thing. When they have to face the pain and discomfort and possibility of a loose butt hole from repeated penetration they may be more compassionate and drop the idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I have a question that I have asked several times to men who want to try anal with an unwilling wife. Would be willing to let her give you abal with a dildo the size of your penis? Let say she said I'll try if you will first and every time I let you you have to return the favor. How atractive does anal seem now?
> 
> I'd advise women who are being pestered by husbands for anal to purchase a dildo and when he begins to pester - pull that bad boy out, grease it up and put it on the bedside table. Tell him the above. Some men will give up at that point. :}}
> 
> ...


As a guy who always wanted to try try anal with my partner, your post made me smile. It's why I never pressured my wife when I expressed an interest and she declined... It seemed unfair to put any pressure on her if I wasn't big on trying it myself.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I have had to give up this idea of my husband being a more take charge aggressive lover, moving me here & there firmy, telling me what he would like to do to me, stuff like that, probably stuff I get from watching too many erotic movies. I married a sensual lover, not one who will EVER be capable of rough housing me a little bit (bummer I will miss this experience) but we got everything else going on, I just have to do the rough housing. 

Mine would NEVER want to try anal - he has absolutely no interest in that at all, never has.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

PBear said:


> As a guy who always wanted to try try anal with my partner, your post made me smile. It's why I never pressured my wife when I expressed an interest and she declined... It seemed unfair to put any pressure on her if I wasn't big on trying it myself.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are a consistently incredible guy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> You are a consistently incredible guy.


Well, thank you! But my stbx-wife may disagree... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Pandakiss said:


> anal sex has been around long before porn. it date back to japan and the art of karma satura...
> 
> what is the big deal with anal and why all the bashing of it??
> 
> ...


It may well date back to the karma sutra, however it was not a main stream bedroom desire before it was used regularly in porn. If you ask most men now in their 60's and 70's if anal was something they even thought about in high school and early married life, they will most likely tell you they thought it was just for gay men. 

I am not against people trying it, and I quite like my fiance to play around there, in fact it turns me on but I understand why it's not for everyone, and men now seem to believe it should be just as much a part of sex as vaginal penetration, when in fact it's just not something men or women really thought much about previously and rightfully makes many women uncomfortable.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Yes, but in my case it was unhealthy concessions. As in H wanted anal but refused to use lubricant. H did not want to use condom and considered withdrawal with abortion as a backup a perfectly acceptable form of birth control (I would not have aborted). 

In a healthy relationship, I would be great in the sack.
In an unhealthy relationship, I seem to be only great in the sack in a one-sided way: great for him, not for me.

That is way too big of a concession.

Guys if your W doesn't want anal then make sure you know what is healthy in terms of the physical act and what is not. At the point I realized that I would get a tongue-lashing at the emergency room, for being so stupid, is where I drew the line. I did not want to have to experience that on top of what he put me through.
Also the explaining of how I got pregnant.

Concessions are one thing, but also consider what you are asking, and consider what concessions might be going on with the other person, that you might not know about.

Of course, I understand some people have health relationships, and concessions really are just that - concessions - out of respect for partner's present needs physical and/or emotional.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

The only thing that I will say after reading all these posts is that anything that is done between both partners needs to be consensual and non-coercive.

If a spouse is constantly pursuing and trying to coerce their partner in to doing something they are reluctant to, over time the partner can develop an aversion to the act and even to the spouse.

Like I always say - you gotta be more persuasive than coercive . Accept that everybody has their own personal boundaries, and don't get hung up on any one particular thing. If you have an open, honest, loving, respectful relationship with your spouse you may be surprised at what can happen.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

i gave up something bc H wasn't into it at all. he's so meek and mild when it comes to sex.i gave up my need for certain types of aggressive behavior. i fantasize about it but never asked him for it after the first time of him saying, "you seriously like it like that?!omg i can't stay hard if i'm treating you like that!"

since the thought of sex with him turns my stomach at the moment, I bet he'd be MORE than willing to try it MY way again just to be able to touch my body once more:FIREdevil:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

"Anal sex was not something most hetrosexual couples did untill it became a regular part of porn. It obviously feels better for us if we have vaginal sex, because that was what our vaginas are made for."

Actually, there is clitoral/sensitive tissue that extends to the anal area. And for men, there is access to their G-spot. There is definitely a pleasure-basis on both the male and female side. And - no chance of pregnancy. So definitely worth adding to the repertoire or choices. With a worthwhile partner who is just not in it for him/herself.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't understand the point of the question. I don't like my wife's choices in curtains either. So?


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I have a question that I have asked several times to men who want to try anal with an unwilling wife. Would be willing to let her give you abal with a dildo the size of your penis? Let say she said I'll try if you will first and every time I let you you have to return the favor. How atractive does anal seem now?
> 
> I'd advise women who are being pestered by husbands for anal to purchase a dildo and when he begins to pester - pull that bad boy out, grease it up and put it on the bedside table. Tell him the above. Some men will give up at that point. :}}
> 
> ...


Funny you should ask. Although I never "pestered" her about it (said, "hey...how 'bout we give it a try?" once), I did make such a deal at my suggestion, not hers. When we first considered it, reading indicated that many men enjoy it for the sensation of prostate stimulation. So, I told her that, turnabout being fair, if she wanted to use one o her vibrators on me, I was willing. It wasn't quite as big as me...a little smaller. Felt good. A couple years later, when she got a new vibrator that she enjoyed more, she gave that first one to me for my own use.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Catherine602,

I don't pester her about it, it has become pretty much a running joke. But to answer your question, yes I would let her use one on me..


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> But to answer your question, yes I would let her use one on me..




wow! that is so cool


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> i gave up something bc H wasn't into it at all. he's so meek and mild when it comes to sex.i gave up my need for certain types of aggressive behavior. i fantasize about it but never asked him for it after the first time of him saying, "you seriously like it like that?!omg i can't stay hard if i'm treating you like that!"
> 
> since the thought of sex with him turns my stomach at the moment, I bet he'd be MORE than willing to try it MY way again just to be able to touch my body once more:FIREdevil:


I'm not up to date, sorry, but - what happened?


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

I gave up many things, to name some: anal, swallow, bdsm, fetish, roleplay...the spicy things I will not count because I don't want to offend anybody reading and also don't need judgment right now.
I gave most of it up because honestly I find it not to be as good as people think it is, to me at least.
None of these things have I done with my wife actually, maybe she would want it but is afraid to ask? Who knows.
She's struggling to get the even the regular stuff she wants as much as she wants it from me.
As for watching porn, it really never occurred to me to watch it together. But I think I'm on my way to eliminating that as well.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Prometheus Pyrphoros said:


> I'm not up to date, sorry, but - what happened?


his PA with a skank.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

So is he still alive and breathing?


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Prometheus Pyrphoros said:


> So is he still alive and breathing?


for now


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

WhiteRabbit,

Wow, sorry, I don't know if I knew that. 


I just thought of something else I gave up. Nipple play. She has zero feeling in her nipples so doesn't want me doing that either...


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I guess not. Or at least she doesn't want ME touching them...


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> I guess not. Or at least she doesn't want ME touching them...


H's xw is this way.she said it felt more weird than pleasurable for her.she said no matter how lightly he played with them she hated the feeling and it didn't do anything but distract her.

:scratchhead: i don't get it but different strokes for different..uh... nipples...


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

This might sound dumb but before anal do you have to get an enema?? 

I liked anal but I felt self conscious because of that so I wouldn't bring it up...he never asked himself anyway. :scratchhead:


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

cherrypie18 said:


> This might sound dumb but before anal do you have to get an enema??
> 
> I liked anal but I felt self conscious because of that so I wouldn't bring it up...he never asked himself anyway. :scratchhead:


As if it's not gross enough by itself, why would one want to make it worse by the sights and smells? Best to have an enema before. Otherwise it can get nasty, believe me. For the woman I don't really see an attractive side, but for the man (speaking from my experience) the tightness of the hole makes a snug fit for the penis and that's a whole different experience than regular sex. But all things considered, still don't want it that much anymore, if at all.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Prometheus Pyrphoros said:


> As if it's not gross enough by itself, why would one want to make it worse by the sights and smells? Best to have an enema before. Otherwise it can get nasty, believe me. For the woman I don't really see an attractive side, but for the man (speaking from my experience) the tightness of the hole makes a snug fit for the penis and that's a whole different experience than regular sex. But all things considered, still don't want it that much anymore, if at all.


The few times we did it it was not planned so the whole time I kept freaking out what if something happens but lucky me everything was fine lol 

I don't really find it gross but I guess you're right an enema should be compulsory!

For those who think anal is nasty, you should try DP it's mind blowingly amazing :biggrinangelA:


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Something perhaps to keep in mind is that the rectum is not designed primarily as a "storage facility," but as a passageway. So, if you've "gone" recently (barring any GI issues you might be facing), there shouldn't be much in the way of waste in there.

And, cherrypie, my wife agrees...she has quite a bit of fun indulging in DP whether she's using two toys or me and a toy. ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CarrieAnn (Mar 25, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> The only thing that I will say after reading all these posts is that anything that is done between both partners needs to be consensual and non-coercive.
> 
> If a spouse is constantly pursuing and trying to coerce their partner in to doing something they are reluctant to, over time the partner can develop an aversion to the act and even to the spouse.



Agree 100%! I'm living that.


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## Justfedup (Jun 12, 2011)

Yes, I have and I'm actually making concession in my intimate life now. Our intimate life is routine......never out of the ordinary. In order for me to experience any type of pleasure and or even to experience an orgasm, I now need the help of a porno movie. He is now experiencing problems in ejaculating. We've been married 32 years and our life is spiraling DOWNWARD FAST!


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

To the best of my knowledge I have given up nothing. She accommodates every desire I have proposed. she is really the end all be all of a wife and sex partner. God love her, she is the shiz nit!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> To the best of my knowledge I have given up nothing. She accommodates every desire I have proposed. she is really the end all be all of a wife and sex partner. God love her, she is the shiz nit!


Lol that's super cute and great that you appreciate her.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

Some adventures couples here. I would be happy with a little oral once in awhile from her (to completion would be totally out of the question - and I do shower regularly). She doesn't ever want oral from me (maybe I'm not good at it - but willing to practice). Perhaps a different position once in awhile. Not asking much. 

That said, we do it pretty regularly (3-5x/week when things are going well) and I'm sure there are some guys would love any sort of attention more than once/month.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

I love to caress, massage, and give oral to my wife far more than she likes to be touched. She just isn't into foreplay much, something that I have made a concession to. She only rarely lets me touch her v, but has warmed up to that as time goes on. She will touch herself to finish herself off as we make love or as she goes down on me, but doesn't like to be touched. 

She is quite passionate about EVERYTHING we do, I am a very satisfied lover. But foreplay is quite abrupt, sometimes to the point that I'M not ready. I do find it exciting to watch and feel a woman's body become aroused. It's like an aphrodisiac to me to watch and feel things literally unfold. 

I know she didn't have her first orgasm until she was 25, and didn't become very sexually aware until an awakening in her late 30s. I hope, over time, that I can get her to relax enough to enjoy being touched. It's not a bad way to spend time together, and otherwise things are quite satisfying. In no way is this a deal breaker.

I did enjoy anal in my own prior relationships, and this is something that my wife is totally opposed to. However, I do not consider this a concession, as I do NOT feel that my inability to have anal sex is something worth complaining about. Anal was nice, but the relationships in which I had anal, the rest of the relationship was nothing nearly as good as what I share with my wife. If I treated sex as a one-sided game, then I might view my current situation as something in which I am "giving up" anal or the ability to enjoy foreplay.


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