# Separation from "good guy"



## amidone (Oct 27, 2013)

I've been with my husband for 10 years, married for 4. We have a 2 year old son together. I don't feel love for him anymore.

We have had a decent relationship, with normal ups and downs. With the exception of one glaring issue. He acts like a child. Its not just the physical comic books, toys, and video games. He uses sarcasm as a way of avoiding talking about his feelings. I live a very health conscious lifestyle, which he degrades by making fun of at every moment possible. 

Worst of all, we cannot equally parent. He is determined to be the "fun dad" and leave me as the enforcer. Recently I found he hid sweets in his desk to feed to my son behind my back. 

I've talked counseling, he said there is nothing wrong. I've had these feelings for the last 8 months (every time I mention my feelings he says he will change, but you know how that ends up).Last week I told him I was unhappy, no change on his part. Last night I told him I didn't want to fight for our familt anymore. 

He told me this is his wakeup call, that he will fight for us. He's going to change. I honestly don't believe him. I want a separation to see if I can support my son on my own. But maybe that's too drastic? I'm at the end of my rope and looking for an outside perspective.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You got his attention. It is no good threatening separation and D if you are not prepared to follow through.

Why not go to MC and spell out what you have written here? There are many books for men to read about working on themselves. He needs some guidance.

Is his intelligence defective? Does he work?

Sounds like he needs to make a rule. Before you says something, consider whether it is meant to hurt? Create conflict?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some people do change once they realize that they are about to lose their spouse.

Maybe the two of you can do a structured separation working through a marriage counselor.

If you separate, why do you think that you need to support your son on your own? Are you a SAHM right now? There will be child support.

Also your husband will have your son about 50% of the time. So you will not be doing this alone.


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## amidone (Oct 27, 2013)

Thanks for your responses. I work part time and stay with my son most days. He supports us by working full time. 

I wouldnt want to keep him from his son, so I know I wouldn't be alone. I guess my conflict is do I stay because I actually love him, or do I stay because that's the convenient thing to do? (Him being the breadwinner, staying for my son)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amidone (Oct 27, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Is his intelligence defective?


He's extremely intelligent and sometimes lacks common sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

You suggested counselling before you had given up, and he didn't want to go. Now that you have gotten to the point that you are considering S, he now says he has had a wake-up call.

He sounds like he only moves the bare minimum when he feels he absolutely has to. He really doesn't think his behavior and attitudes are a problem. If you don't follow through with the S, he will go back to being the way he was.

Years ago, I felt similar to the way you feel, and for similar reasons. I got counselling, and H agreed to also. End result: I fell back in love with my H, and got a "second wind" to fight some more to try to motivate him to change. He, on the other hand, did not get anything out of the counselling, and he remained the same.

Fast forward 10 years: I'm still working hard on the M, he is still exhibiting the same behaviors, and finally checks out on the M, has an A and wants to D me to be with OW.

THAT is what woke him up to the fact that he was the one with the problems. He woke up and came back to his M, and has been doing some work on himself, facing who he is and how he (doesn't) deal with conflict, and how that affects our M.

Long story short. He is not going to change unless his life changes and he realizes he is the source of his own problems. Right now he has not problems, as you are there with him, doing all the work.

I wish I had S from him years back, instead of going to counselling. He might have felt a little pain had he lost his 100% access to his family back then and then he might have faced himself. I wouldn't have been devastated by his A, and wouldn't have lost 10 more years of my life.

Seriously consider the S. It will give you time to think, see how you do, see if he really changes, and you won't waste more years trying to stay sane in a one sided M.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

amidone said:


> He's extremely intelligent and sometimes lacks common sense.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


does not sound like he had a sudden personality change to me.
Have you ever been in love with him and does he still have these qualities?

if you actually married with a good foundation for love and he feels the same, then a wake up call was needed on your part, you have achieved step one of the wake up call, you need now to have a game plan on changes you need from him and the ones he needs from you. Like I mentioned before, those things you loved about him, need praise, so he can truly distinguish the part of him you love and the part of him you loathe. Men need blunt truths, so have them at the ready. Hold onto the things you love and don't just act or treat him with hatred or indifference every time he falters. He needs an appropriate chance. If you loved him, married him, have children with him, and he is awake to the fact you will leave him, there is a good chance that if you show him love and communicate with him and show him he is desired. You still have a good chance at a great relationship.

best of luck


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

amidone said:


> Thanks for your responses. I work part time and stay with my son most days. He supports us by working full time.
> 
> I wouldn't want to keep him from his son, so I know I wouldn't be alone. I guess my conflict is do I stay because I actually love him, or do I stay because that's the convenient thing to do? (Him being the breadwinner, staying for my son)


No, you do not stay because it's convenient. If you do that, then you are using him. That's a very bad thing to do.

As in most cases of good people whose marriages are not going well, both spouses contribute to the problems in the marriage. But each usually feels that the other is at fault.

You say that he make comments about things you do? Do you make comments about the things he does.. like his toys, etc? Are the remarks going both ways? 

What are all the changes that you are asking him to make?

Let's look at the sweets issue.

Some things to think of. If you separate and/or divorce he will have your son half the time. He will be giving your son sweets if he wants to. That's his right as the father. But apparently you feel like only you have the right to decide what is right for your son. So now your husband is rebelling against this. I can see why he would. 

You say that you are into what you consider a health conscious life. If a person eats healthy 80-90% of the time. Have a few treats and junk food is not going to hurt them at all.

If you want to end the hidden treats, bring them out into the open. Tell your husband that if he wants to give your son sweets once in a while it’s fine. So come to an agreement with him.. like once a day or once every other day. You can tell him that your concern is that your son not be taught that sweets=love/attention. Then make the sweets either desert after a meal or part of tea (after dinner or after lunch) with both you and his dad. 

Keep in mind that if you separate/divorce, your husband is going to have your son 50% of the time. So your son will be getting all the sweets his father wants to give him. Leaving his father is not going to save your son from sweets. It might lead to him getting a lot more. 

There is a compromise here that is achievable.


Now the man-toy issue.

Your husband works and supports you. If he wants comic books, toys and video games so what? Why is this an issue? He’s obviously not a child. He’s a man. Why are you degrading your husband calling him a child? Whatever he wants to do on his own time, as long as it’s not illegal and/or immoral he can do it. That’s what it means to be an adult. A lot of adults like toys.

Instead of picking on him for not being exactly like you or for having his own personality with his own likes and dislikes, accept him and love him for who he is.

Put your attention towards thing that matter.

One thing that matters is the amount of time that the two of you spend together. A couple needs to spend at least 15 hours a week together, just the two of them, doing date-like things that they enjoy. Are you two getting this time? 

Keep in mind that once you two get your 15 hours a week, you and your husband and each spend all the time each of you want doing anything you want… if he wants to play video games with his free time.. He should be able to do that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

amidone said:


> He's extremely intelligent and sometimes lacks common sense.


Can you give us some examples of things he does that show him lacking in common sense?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I guess my conflict is do I stay because I actually love him, or do I stay because that's the convenient thing to do? (Him being the breadwinner, staying for my son)

You still love him, and that is a good reason to stay.

Even if you didn't love him, you could stay for practical reasons. Marriage has ups and downs, love can also come and go. It can come back if you work on yourself.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

nogutsnoglory said:


> does not sound like he had a sudden personality change to me.
> Have you ever been in love with him and does he still have these qualities?
> 
> if you actually married with a good foundation for love and he feels the same, then a wake up call was needed on your part, you have achieved step one of the wake up call, you need now to have a game plan on changes you need from him and the ones he needs from you. Like I mentioned before, *those things you loved about him, need praise, so he can truly distinguish the part of him you love and the part of him you loathe. Men need blunt truths, so have them at the ready. Hold onto the things you love and don't just act or treat him with hatred or indifference every time he falters. He needs an appropriate chance.* If you loved him, married him, have children with him, and he is awake to the fact you will leave him, there is a good chance that if you show him love and communicate with him and show him he is desired. You still have a good chance at a great relationship.
> ...


:iagree:


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## MyTurn (Oct 27, 2013)

Amidone hi, i agree with LongWalk thateatening D or S isn't helpful , but you did get his attention.
I think you might need counseling to adress why you don't feel in 
love any more and why you feel unhappy.The only person who can make you feel happy is You.I bet he was like this all the time:
<< He acts like a child. Its not just the physical comic books, toys, and video games. He uses sarcasm as a way of avoiding talking about his feelings.>>
Then you also say:
<<Worst of all, we cannot equally parent. He is determined to be the "fun dad" and leave me as the enforcer.>>
I have 2 little girls 8 and 10 I am the fun dad .I work full time so my time with my d's is limited and the time we have together is play time.That leaves my wife as the enforcer bc she is with them most of the time.
<< Recently I found he hid sweets in his desk to feed to my son behind my back.>> So he gives a treat to his son and has to have
a permission to do it?Why behind your back?Have 
you told him not to? (And if you have WHY?)


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## amidone (Oct 27, 2013)

Elegirl, my first thoughts when I read your post was 'how rude,' but you actually bring up some great questions.

Yes I do make remarks about his hobbies. I've tried to ignore them, but that makes it worse because he then thinks I don't care if he spends all of our fun money on his things. But yes, we both have our digs at each other.

I'm asking him to be an equal parent, avoid games, toys and cell phones until the housework is done. Do more than just bring home a paycheck.

The sweets was just an example, he has admitted to me that he wants to let my son do things that I don't in order for my son to love him.. And he doesn't understand how that could be problematic.

He lacks common sense frequently with my son. If im at work, H doesn't change his diaper for hours on end, or brush his teeth before bed because H just "doesn't think about it." Or for instance I asked him to help me by vaccuuming the stairs, he only vacuums to the landing because "that's all guests see when they come in our house. 

Overall I am the one that's been fostering his actions. The more he messes up or fails, the more I resent him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amidone (Oct 27, 2013)

MyTurn said:


> So he gives a treat to his son and has to have
> a permission to do it?Why behind your back?Have
> you told him not to? (And if you have WHY?)


OK, the whole story is my son does not do well with foods with artificial coloring. We discussed and agreed that we avoid candy for awhile until we could get his diapers under control (I am the one doing the changing). His diapers were not getting better and come to find H was giving fruit snacks behind my back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your clarifications are very helpful. I think that with some tweaking your marriage can be saved and even made much better. If he will not go to counselling with you, then you can go by yourself. I did that. It really helped. Besides counseling there are a lot of very good self-help and relationship books. I find that the books are often more helpful than counseling. Though counseling has its place for sure.

Instead on one huge post, let’s looks at one thing at a time.



amidone said:


> Yes I do make remarks about his hobbies. I've tried to ignore them, but that makes it worse because he then thinks I don't care if he spends all of our fun money on his things. But yes, we both have our digs at each other.


So the issue is not his toys and hobbies. There are other issues that surround them that are the problems. Focus on the problems. 

Let’s brain storm on the financial issues. How are finances structured and handled in your family? Do you two have a joint account? What happens with is pay check and your pay check?
Do either or both of you have 401Ks or other kind of retirement savings? Do you have any savings for a raining day?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

amidone said:


> The sweets was just an example, he has admitted to me that he wants to let my son do things that I don't in order for my son to love him.. And he doesn't understand how that could be problematic.


How many hours a week does your husband work?

Why does he think that his son will not love him? The one thing that comes to mind is that when a parent does not spend a lot of time with their children, it’s hard for the bond to form. While the child might feel the bond the parent might not. As a parent, not feeling the bond can be emotionally painful. Perhaps your husband needs to do more to build that bond. 
What sorts of things does your husband do with your son?
Play with him?
Read to him?
Put him to bed?
Give him a bath? 
Feed him?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

amidone said:


> I'm asking him to be an equal parent, avoid games, toys and cell phones until the housework is done. Do more than just bring home a paycheck.


Just for clarification, do you expect your husband to do 50% of the housework and child care. .. this is a question for clarification, not an assumption.


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## amidone (Oct 27, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Your clarifications are very helpful. I think that with some tweaking your marriage can be saved and even made much better. If he will not go to counselling with you, then you can go by yourself. I did that. It really helped. Besides counseling there are a lot of very good self-help and relationship books. I find that the books are often more helpful than counseling. Though counseling has its place for sure.
> 
> Instead on one huge post, let’s looks at one thing at a time.
> 
> ...


Financially we are stable. We share a joint account which I earn roughly 1/3 of our income. We both have seperate 401k's. Joint savings that we contribute fairly evenly to. The bills are all auto drafted, but if I had to pick, I am the one looking at our bank statements and making sure any extraneous bills (medical etc) gets paid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amidone (Oct 27, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Just for clarification, do you expect your husband to do 50% of the housework and child care. .. this is a question for clarification, not an assumption.


He works 40-50 hours a week. He is more often home in the morning. He does bath and bed two nights a week. I have previously asked him to be more hands on, but he likes to hand my son an iPad and get on his cellphone. 

We agreed I would pick up the majority of the housework since I am the one home, with the exception of outdoor chores and if I work late, don't let dishes pile up or garbage sit in the kitchen. I don't think I'm being unreasonable in those expectations.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

amidone said:


> He lacks common sense frequently with my son. If im at work, H doesn't change his diaper for hours on end, or brush his teeth before bed because H just "doesn't think about it." Or for instance I asked him to help me by vaccuuming the stairs, he only vacuums to the landing because "that's all guests see when they come in our house.


Do you work opposite hours from your husband’s work hours? How many hours a week does he take care of your son by himself?

I sounds like your husband was brought up without much structure. Is this true?

You bring up what appears to be two completely different issues here. 

1)	Things he forgets to do, like change diapers and brushing teeth.
2)	Things he chooses not to do, like vacuum beyond what visitors see. 

These two type of things have different solutions.

For the 1st your husband needs to build new habits. Does he brush his own teeth in the evening? Could he change the time to brush them earlier so that he brushes them with your son. That way he ties remembering to brush your son’s teeth with his own tooth brushing. The easiest way to learn a new habit it to tie the new on to an old, established one.

Also, your husband could do this every evening to engrain it as a habit. It’s also a good bonding activity with his son. 

The diaper change is a different thing. A trick for that is for him to have a timer that goes off every hour. When it goes off, he checks the diaper. If the diaper is dirty/wet it gets changed. Then he resets the timer for an hour. This again is something that he could do every day when he’s at home. When the two of you are at home, you take turns changing diapers. But your husband becomes the boss of diaper changing. He checks every hour and tells you when it’s your turn for a diaper change. 

Do you think your husband would go for these two little changes in his life?

The other issue, him being lazy about what he cleans… this is a different issue that can be handled after the diaper change and tooth brushing thing becomes habit for him. He puts a different value on a clean house than you do. He’s entitle to hold his values as much as you are entitle to hold yours. So a solution here will need a compromise… like maybe he cleans everything that a house guest would see. But this can be tackled later.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

amidone said:


> OK, the whole story is my son does not do well with foods with artificial coloring. We discussed and agreed that we avoid candy for awhile until we could get his diapers under control (I am the one doing the changing). His diapers were not getting better and come to find H was giving fruit snacks behind my back.


This one is easy to solve. You can buy fruit snacks that do not have artificial coloring in them. Get them and give your husband have a stash. 

Has there been a time when your son's diapers, as you put it were getting better? 

How do you know that it's food dye causing a problem? 

What does your son's pediatrician say about this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

amidone said:


> Financially we are stable. We share a joint account which I earn roughly 1/3 of our income. We both have seperate 401k's. Joint savings that we contribute fairly evenly to. The bills are all auto drafted, but if I had to pick, I am the one looking at our bank statements and making sure any extraneous bills (medical etc) gets paid.


If you have retirement, savings, 401ks and the bills are paid.... what happens with the money left over each month?

What I do for things like medical, home repairs, etc. is that I figure out a reasonable prediction of what it will be this year. Then each paycheck I set aside some in a checking account just for this. 

Both you and your husband should have some money every month that you can each do with what you please.

After al the savings, all the bills paid (to include some put aside for medical etc), split what is left. Each of you get that to do with what you want. He can buy all the toys is mad money allows. You can do with yours as you wish.

When my son was young I also gave him an allowance. I know that your son is very young but you might want to start to think about this. At about age 4 I started giving him one dollar a week for each year of age. I also identified chores beyond his required one that he could do for extra $$.

For about the first year he wanted to go to the toy store every Friday when he got his allowance and blow it. Then one day he told me that the good toys cost a lot. From that day forward he's been a saver. In first grade he saved up to buy his own Nintendo and some game. He chose to buy used ones because he felt it would save him money. Some adults never learn this.

Outside of birthdays and Christmas, I did not buy my son toys and such. He had to save and do chores to buy his own.

Sorry for the allowance tangent but when you have kids, they become an important part of how family finances are handled.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

amidone said:


> Elegirl, my first thoughts when I read your post was 'how rude,' but you actually bring up some great questions.
> 
> Yes I do make remarks about his hobbies. I've tried to ignore them, but that makes it worse because he then thinks I don't care if he spends all of our fun money on his things. But yes, we both have our digs at each other.
> 
> ...


I'd like to respond, because in some sense I am like your husband with the hobbies. I've always had a lot of hobbies. They aren't the same hobbies as your husband, but that's irrelevant. Anyway, to me my hobbies are much more important and productive than housework. I'm just one of those people that don't really care that much about having a spotless house. So if my wife told me point blank that she was making the decision that all housework must be done before I do my hobbies, I'd be angry. That's her making a decision that I really don't agree with and imo it's very disrespectful.

The bottom line is that both of you have different priorities. Your priorities are not necessarily better than your husband's, and vica versa. Neither is necessarily 'right'. I know I've always felt that wasting too much time on housework is, well, wasteful. It makes me feel like I'm throwing my life away if I come home from work and spend a lot of time doing something that just isn't that important to me. Perhaps he feels the same?


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

amidone said:


> I've been with my husband for 10 years, married for 4. We have a 2 year old son together. I don't feel love for him anymore.
> 
> We have had a decent relationship, with normal ups and downs. With the exception of one glaring issue. He acts like a child. Its not just the physical comic books, toys, and video games. He uses sarcasm as a way of avoiding talking about his feelings. I live a very health conscious lifestyle, which he degrades by making fun of at every moment possible.
> 
> ...


Before I even read past this first post, I have a few thoughts for you.

First, for men, delivering the "Wake Up Call" is the the most important thing a woman in your position needs to do, and oddly usually is the hardest thing for women to do as well. It seems that women constantly forget that we men communicate completely differently, so they need to just speak to us directly and not dance around the subject. Telling your husband that you are done fighting for the marriage, that he has not stepped up and supported you the way you need him to, the way he has assured you he would, and that you are ready to move forward with divorce, is how you do it and it sounds like you've done that. The reality is that for a LOT of marriages, the woman waits until she is way beyond willing to give anything a 2nd chance before they deliver the "Wake up call", and unfortunately it is usually not until the man gets the wake up call that he realizes that she is really that unhappy and that things need to change. Not should change someday maybe, when he gets around to it, but NOW.

That's when guys get it. So if he has gotten it, you should start to see some changes really quickly, perhaps even going over the top. He should be agreeable to just about anything that is remotely reasonable, like going to marriage counseling. Because before that was just something that he didn't think was necessary, that he thought would be uncomfortable, expensive, etc., and thought it was avoidable. Now it's a "I can go to counseling and maybe save my family, or not go and accept divorce" so I bet his tone towards that will change. If not, then he either hasn't gotten the wake up call, or he has and has just decided that it isn't worth it.

As for you, if I were you I'd intentionally slow things down a bit to see how he responds. I'd say there is no need to rush off to divorce court or separation right away before he has had a chance to show you if he has really gotten the message or not. If he doesn't show signs of making changes or isn't open to counseling or something like that, then yeah go ahead and move forward with a lawyer. Remember, just because you start the process, whichever one that may be, doesn't mean you have to go all the way through with it.

Why go to the lawyer vs. separation? Because when you said that you are thinking about a separation, you said it would be because, "I want a separation to see if I can support my son on my own." That is NOT what a separation is for, and it wouldn't be fair to your son or your husband to approach it that way. A separation should only be used if you find yourselves in a position where you cannot cohabitate for the time being due to there being an unhealthy amount of anger or fighting going on, to a degree that it's detrimental to your son or just making the marriage worse and you need time apart to calm down so that you can return to work on the marriage together with a much improved state/health of mind. If it's just to see if you can support your son on your own, then what are you doing to your husband? Asking him to sit on standby waiting to give you money if you need it? I don't mean to be crude, but if you reach a point where you decided you are DONE and will never change your mind, then just tell him that it's time for a divorce, not a separation.

I agree that I think he needs to attend marriage counseling, and there are a few books I'd love to recommend to him as well. I hope he'll be open to it!


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Wow, EleGirl is all over this. I'd definitely recommend re-reading all of her posts above as they are fantastic.

Wilderness brings up a good point too. Respect.

Amidone: Your posts have been pretty short and to the point so it's hard to really gauge the deeper problems involved, but I do get a "hunch" or two from what I have now read and will share them with you, but again please know that we don't really have enough info to know anything like this for sure.

I get the impression that you like to be in control, for there to be structure, and that deviations of that control/structure bother you a lot. You also indicate that you are very health conscious and therefore I suspect you wish to raise your son with that same healthy approach. It sounds like your husband doesn't share those same healthy values in the slightest, and you won't meddle in how he chooses to eat/excercise for himself, but it sounds like you expect for him to respect your wishes for your son's health lifestyle. If so (big if), you definitely need to understand that you both come from different places on that spectrum and since he is your husband's son too, that you do not get to make all of the decisions for him. You said that you both agreed on the 'no artificial sweeteners' thing, but I'd question if he really agreed because he feels the same way, or if he doesn't agree at all, but just said so. I'm not a health nut, so I have no idea how artificial sweeteners can impact the contents of a diaper (though I admit that I struggle to believe it can make much of a difference), but I'd say that issue needs to be revisited. It's fine if he doesn't agree with you, but if he says he does and then doesn't keep to that agreement, then that's grossly disrespectful.

Next, as Wilderness brought it up, the issue of respect. Be aware that men value respect more than anything else, including feelings of love. We men would rather be confident that our wives respect us, than love us. (Not saying we don't want to be loved, just that it isn't as important as respect) If you say some of the things to him that you have said about him here, then I'd say he probably feels incredibly disrespected on a regular basis. I enjoy video games from time to time, I always have. My wife has occasionally referred to them as my "toys" but only in a playful/friendly way, because belittling me by alluding that she might view me as a child because of them would be incredibly hurtful and condescending. Were she to do that, I wouldn't feel nearly as desirous to be a good husband to her or respect her wishes. Plus, it's completely counter-productive if your goals are to help your husband become a good man and father.

Again re-read EleGirl's posts above, their great stuff. I'd also always recommend the "Five Love Languages" to any couple, even those with self-described good marriages. It's a short read, and provides one SUPER simple method/plan to help meet those love/respect needs of both spouses.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

amidone said:


> He acts like a child. Its not just the physical comic books, toys, and video games.
> 
> I live a very health conscious lifestyle, which he degrades by making fun of at every moment possible.
> 
> ...


Coming from guy who likes these things, let me offer some perspective.....

You complain that he degrades your health conscious lifestyle by making fun of at every moment. However, you are being hypocritical for degrading his. You basically are calling him a kid for liking something YOU deem child like.

Dont mean to bash you. Its just frustrating to see views like this because my wife is the same way. The average age of a gamer is 39. I'm 39. Somehow, in my wifes eyes, playing videogames is childish and a waste of time. However, to her, spending the night watching the kardashians or the real housewives is time well spent.


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## amidone (Oct 27, 2013)

Thank you wilderness and CD for your responses. I would agree that I do prefer being in control. I prefer to do things myself so they will be done to my standards. That is definitely a flaw that needs improved on my part.

Since our discussion he had gotten better for a few days. Then yesterday it was back to normal. I told my H I needed to take care of some things in the kitchen, and that he was to keep an eye on my son. My son proceeded to injure himself falling because my H was too busy on his phone to help my son reach a toy. I'm trying not to nitpick everything and give it time, but its hard when I'm already done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Ok. If I might ask this and don't take it the wrong way because I'm just asking. You said you live a healthy lifestyle. Now I know people that are the same way and believe me when I say that there is nothing wrong with eating healthy but some people take it to the Nth degree. How are you with this? Is it a healthy lifestyle where the child is given a spoonful of peanut butter rather than a piece of candy? (Just an example) You never explained that.

Now the kid fell down. I don't' know if you realize this but all kids fall down.

I have two daughters that are now grown. My oldest was as graceful as ever. Dance classes and gymnastics. Probably walk a tight rope. My youngest? I compared to a bull dozer. She was a walking, talking, living scab. Got to a point that we worried that people might think we were abusing her. She still is and she's now 27.

All in all, I agree with some of the people here that separation is a little far but some counseling is a good idea where you can come up with a happy medium.


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