# I Dont Want a Divorce but was forced to file



## hojo (Dec 13, 2010)

Hello, I am new at this. I have always been the type to not seek out help but I have learned through counseling it is okay to ask for help. My wife and I have been married for 7 years we have 2 kids one from this marriage and she has one from a previous marriage. Basically my wife left on October 29th 2010 and it came out of the blue. We have always been in pretty good shape relationship wise. I lost my really good job in April 2009 and my wife and I decided that I would be stay at home dad for a bit. Well that was a bad idea, I became depressed and I believe that is why my wife left. I do not abuse her, I do not do drugs or Alcohol, and I have always been a loving husband. I always understood my wife needed certain things like reassurance that I would not leave her so I always had to tell her I would never leave. 2 weeks before she left we were at a wedding and unsolicited to myself my wife said she cant wait to spend the rest of her life with me, and wants to grow old with me, and she cant imagine life without me, then 2 weeks later she left. Since she left I have gone to counseling, I have a new anti depressant, I have lost 40 pounds and I go to the gym when I do not have my son. I have started attending a church and I feel better when all this happens, but she says "I will always love you, but I am not in love with you", she wont go to counseling and she has quit paying all bills, and I had to file for divorce because I do not want to lose my house or a vehicle because I now am looking for a job. I am to the point now where I know I have been very good to her and I want to be married but I really do not know what to do. Should I just say forget it, because I raised her daughter and she calls me dad, and I do love her like I love my son, but I will have no rights in a divorce.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Do what is best for both children if you can. Definitely for your son, but if you can do it for the daughter as well. Blood means nothing. Love for your child is all that matters. 

In the meantime, continue to take care of yourself. Marriage Builders and Affaircare offer some real good advice as well as other veterans (which I am not)on this site.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I was forced to file for divorce because of the economic impact the separation was having. I really waited too long--my finances are now in ruins. Listen to your attorney's advice. From my experience a spouse who abandons all of their financial responsibilities isn't going to do the right thing thing on their own. They will need the court to direct them.


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## hojo (Dec 13, 2010)

I have an attorney who is a very good friend and he made me think about filing before I did, but I just feel guilty that it isn't right.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Well, I have felt plenty of guilt also. I never wanted a divorce either. My family was way too important to me. But, my therapist told me I had to look out for myself; that's something a wayward spouse isn't going to do. Her advice was to take care of my financial well being by getting a divorce. Then, if the crazy spouse ever comes to his senses, then look at getting back together. Look at it as a fresh start at that point. Perhaps you can look at your situation from that perspective to ease some of the guilt.


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## hojo (Dec 13, 2010)

that is what I have gathered from this that i can only control and only do whats good for me.


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