# He said he is already over me



## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Today marks a month since he told me that he wanted a divorce. He left 5 days after that. I see a conversation between him and a friend on facebook; his friend said a girl saw him at a local restaurant and was interested in him and my STBXH joked about wanting her number and said that he was over me but will never forget me. Does that mean he never loved me? Or could he just be saying that? I have mixed emotions. I sat there like WTF? I'm not really hurt like I was 2 weeks ago but I'm just completely puzzled. Do some people really do get over others that quick? Did I mean that little to him? It would help if I got some insight from a man's perspective. Thanks.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It probably means he's a guy. I assume this FB friend is male? If so, what's he gonna do? Respond that he's in love with his wife and can't bear the thought of another woman? Would John Wayne or Clint Eastwood sling sensitive snot like that with another guy? He leads with the macho stuff (wants her number) and then the real stuff comes out (he's a guy who's naturally hurting and in turmoil), because he'd probably like a friend to talk to about all this but he doesn't want to sound like a total wuss. We aren't women. We don't sit around talking about our feelings and accompanying each other to the powder room.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

Unfortunately we can't give you a definitive answer but as a guess, I doubt he's over you. A relationship doesn't just disappear overnight. It does take time to process and move on. I don't know what your story is but how is he at expressing emotions? He may just be saying that he's over you as a way to convince himself. 

Now it's time for you to work on moving on. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself like a princess. Take up hobbies. Spend time with friends. The more you focus on you, what you want, what you need, the less you'll be concerned about him. And these comments that he makes about you will hurt less and less.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Well considering the fact that our marriage went down the Sh!tter cuz he repeatedly cheated on me it could be a possibility that he's just washed his hands of me. He did say that he will never forget me but who would after spending a couple years with somebody, ya know?

A friend of mine just told me that it's likely that he was over me before he decided to leave me.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

You need to work on realizing that the fact he's over you so quickly is not because there's something wrong with you. It's his inability to have a healthy, mature relationship. I know, easier said than done but keep reminding yourself of this. His actions are a reflection of him, not of you.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I do admit that I have never felt so worthless in my life. Good riddance to him but I just happened to give my heart to the wrong person.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

If your focus is only on him and what he thinks, that doesn't give you any room to get right with you.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Conrad said:


> If your focus is only on him and what he thinks, that doesn't give you any room to get right with you.



That's true. He agreed to be friends but seeing him move on so quickly will hurt. We will delete one another off of social networking once the divorce becomes final in December. We will still have each other's numbers and stuff though. I wish I could get over him just as fast.n


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SepticChange said:


> That's true. He agreed to be friends but seeing him move on so quickly will hurt. We will delete one another off of social networking once the divorce becomes final in December. We will still have each other's numbers and stuff though. I wish I could get over him just as fast.n


Don't worry about him. (Easier said than done, I realize)

What was your childhood like?


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Don't worry about him. (Easier said than done, I realize)
> 
> What was your childhood like?


My childhood was pretty good. In the beginning didn't have much but I was happy. When I became a teenager I didn't get along with my dad much and became much closer to my mom. I wasn't ever depressed or unhappy at all. I didn't even care to date growing up. This is the first time I've ever given myself fully to someone.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SepticChange said:


> My childhood was pretty good. In the beginning didn't have much but I was happy. When I became a teenager I didn't get along with my dad much and became much closer to my mom. I wasn't ever depressed or unhappy at all. I didn't even care to date growing up. This is the first time I've ever given myself fully to someone.


And your expectations have not been met.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

My personal view is that you should not stay friends with him. You are having a difficult time getting over him and staying friend will just prolong your healing time. I am not saying you guys can never be friends but you need to heal first.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

You're probably right. It will be just as difficult not having contact with him though. I can't just cut him out of my life. I know I sound pitiful because I'm pining over a guy who probably never cared much for me in the first place but....this is just a sh!tty situation to be in. Never been heartbroken and so I'm completely lost.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

And scratch what I said earlier about not being hurt. When I first read it hours ago I was fine but right now I'm holding back tears.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SepticChange said:


> And scratch what I said earlier about not being hurt. When I first read it hours ago I was fine but right now I'm holding back tears.


What was his childhood like?


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Conrad said:


> What was his childhood like?


His was happy as well. Family grew up poor farmers but did just fine. He's the youngest of 4 boys, 2 of them married with kids and his parents have been married for 35 years. I guess unfortunately this small town boy joined the military right after high school and saw a different side of life and can't be faithful like he thought he could be...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SepticChange said:


> His was happy as well. Family grew up poor farmers but did just fine. He's the youngest of 4 boys, 2 of them married with kids and his parents have been married for 35 years. I guess unfortunately this small town boy joined the military right after high school and saw a different side of life and can't be faithful like he thought he could be...


He has posOW?


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## grainofsalt (Oct 6, 2013)

OP, you don't need a man's perspective, since this behaviour isn't gender specific, but I'll give you a man's perspective anyhow...

Yes, that's just how quick some people can turn. They will use you until they find what they perceive to be better.

That's what my wife did.

When people proclaim that they love you, consider it 100% bull**** talk. The only people that love you are your pets, and your family. The rest will leave you in a heartbeat. And that is a fact!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

grainofsalt said:


> OP, you don't need a man's perspective, since this behaviour isn't gender specific, but I'll give you a man's perspective anyhow...
> 
> Yes, that's just how quick some people can turn. They will use you until they find what they perceive to be better.
> 
> ...


I have not found that to be true.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

SepticChange said:


> I didn't even care to date growing up. This is the first time I've ever given myself fully to someone.


This was me.

My wife left almost 7 weeks ago, and it's the first time I've been heartbroken. 

It's not what you want to hear, but no contact is the only way you can begin to heal. The longer you stay in contact with him, the longer your feelings for him will remain, the longer you will hurt, the longer you will focus on him.

I broke 2 weeks of no contact with my STBXW yesterday, and it has been a pretty big set back. 

Trust me - delete him from facebook, and don't text him, delete his number if you have to.

As for a guys perspective, I can't tell you what he's feeling, but I can tell you how it would be if it were me:

I would no way be able to get over someone in such a short amount of time. Even if I said it, it would be a front, it'd be me behind my wall, protecting myself. Sadly for me, I'm having to put that wall up because I can't handle any more pain. There's still a few gaps in the brickwork, but they are closing. I don't like sitting behind my wall, but sometimes you have to. Believe me I'd love nothing more than to smash the wall down and reach out to my STBXW, but that will just cause me more pain.



> When people proclaim that they love you, consider it 100% bull**** talk. The only people that love you are your pets, and your family. The rest will leave you in a heartbeat. And that is a fact!


I disagree with this, this is the kind of talk that breeds trust issues. I'd take this with a "grain of salt" .


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Conrad said:


> He has posOW?


posOW? What is that?


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

POSOW 
piece of **** other woman.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

So it is likely that he is just trying to convince himself and some friends? I reached out to my sister-in-law and she said that she went through the same thing with his older brother a few times and he finally realized what he had and completely turned around and now they're happier than they've ever been. She's convinced STBXH will think some more and that he probably just needed time to get his priorities straight and think about what he did and what he wants to do from there. I do admit, it gave me a little bit of hope but either way, I'm more accepting of the situation. I have setbacks and triggers here and there but I'm clearly not over him but I'm not the biggest wreck like I was a few weeks ago.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

ne9907 said:


> POSOW
> piece of **** other woman.


Oh ok thanks! That's what I thought but wasn't sure.

In that case, no he doesn't. The first time he cheated and told me about it, it was a one time thing. After that it was just him making visits to massage parlors where they did him favors... so no actual relationship.


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