# Do I deserve "Silent Treatment" AGAIN?



## Journey (Mar 28, 2009)

I'm a train wreck! I would be writing a book if anyone would offer feedback. I was fed up enough I got a place to rent in December. I am not ready to end marriage as I do love him, just not alot of the ways he handles things. We typically try to communicate daily and see each other for dinner most days of the week. I just feel he is unstable, verbally abusive and a non communicator. I often have told him that the person who loves you the most should not also tell you to shut the f up, hang up on you, give you silent treatment for a week, yell at and embarass you in public, etc. Our most recent fight is VERY ridiculous to me and he has not spoken to me since Tuesday. We never see eye to eye. I see many shades and he sees only black and white, this we have agreed on. I am a very happy positive person, he is usually depressed and always waiting for the worst in life. Moving became necessary as he reminds me that the house is his I just live in it. We've been living together 16 years/married 14. I can't pick furniture, paint, redecorate, landscaoe, etc. He had rules for EVERYTHING. I had no rules for him, he did as he liked. I had so many to remember I would write post it notes for myself. Please comment, I'm very lost right now.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

let him carry on with his miserable existence. the trouble is if your the happy one in the relationship and he the miserable (ive got this myself) - im the happy one , they end up and keep pulling you down mentally and suck your energy from your body.

i told my H 3 weeks ago , i just dont want to be with him. ok a tough journey ahead. i did sleep with my H, but it was just sex and to be honest ive had to put a stop to that to.
giving all the mixed feelings to myself and him.

this is what im doing , im going to my mates tonight about 1/2 hr drive away and im having a girl night.
i am just trying to keep myself busy and keep my mind occupied.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You could be dealing with one of the narcissistic personality disorders here. You might try doing some research on that. My counselor has educated me on some of those. However, the one I'm dealing with is the "Peter Pan Syndrome". If that is the case, they aren't easy to fix. 

What happens if you ignore him and give him the silent treatment?


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

It sounds to me like he has anger issues. There could be some pathology to his madness, has he ever seen a counselor? If he is depressed, and manic, it could be bipolar disorder. It could be many things, but if you want to save the marriage, you both need to realize it takes a partnership. Sweeping matters under the rug never helps. It only boils over into something uglier, from my experience.


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## Journey (Mar 28, 2009)

All very good responses, thanks. Yes, I believe he fights depression, no he has never had counseling since we've been together. He is a Jekyl & Hyde. I have never given him silent treatment, in fact I have always found that if I even try to confront him on something I feel he has done wrong, he turns it back around and it becomes my fault and his fight. I walk on egg shells with him. Most everything I do I have to think how he is going to respond first. He has a very dysfunctional family. Currently he doesn't speak to his Mom or only sibling. We haven't talked now since Tuesday 3/24. He's not big on forgiveness, he chooses to hold a grudge instead. He used to call me and chew me out on the phone to tears even knowing I was in the presence of my Mom or coworkers. He likes to say things like "You want to go home?" as a threat when we're going someplace, if I get him mad. If we fight and he's screaming at me he holds his chest and warns me I'm going to give him a heart attack. My Mom who was my best friend passed away recently, my Dad passed a few years ago and my siblings live out of state. I have no friends as relationships have been difficult to keep. With the moving, losing my Mom, grief, etc I'm pretty sure I should seek counseling. Hard to know how to choose one, though. That's why I'm here, anonymous friends with advice through experience. You hit the nail on the head about him sucking my energy. My self esteem just keeps getting lower because I end up believing the things he has said about me. I am in my early 40's and have never lived alone until now. I am still acclimating, but it is good to be away from his negative outlook on life. I have been out since December and we still haven't told anyone, because we don't really know what we're doing or where we're going, or maybe I do?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

wow im not really sure why you've stayed with him this long if this is how he treats you on a regular basis. has it always been this bad? what keeps you there? my H used to give me the silent treatment and it'd make me so angry. there was really nothing worse then that. id try and give it back, but could never 'win'.


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