# 10 yrs. of Strugglng Financially & Tired of It



## Movingon0405 (Aug 10, 2012)

Hello Everyone, I am new to the board and hoping to get some advice so here's my story, and I'll try to keep it short.

I meet my husband 10 years ago through an associate, he seemed like a nice guy so I figured I would get to know him better. We exchanged numbers and decided to go out on a date, the date was very nice and the conversation was wonderful. I absolutely felt like this was the best date I had ever been on until he told me that he had dreams of getting into the music business. When he said that something inside me told me to get up and run as fast as I could. But I didn't do that..I guess I just ignored the warning sign and continued on with the date. As time went on we began to get closer and closer and had a whirlwind romance, we decided to get married within 2 months of knowing each other. During this time we both had full-time jobs but I made more money than he did and after 2 yrs. of marriage we got pregnant with our first child and 7 months later we got pregnant again with our second child. 

I felt like it was a miracle that I was able to get pregnant because before I got married my doctors told me that I was unable to have children so this was a shock. But anyway, now we had 2 kids back-to-back which means they were both still in diapers ect.. and that is expensive. Since daycare was really expensive for 2 young kids I had to quit my job and become a stay at home mom leaving my husband to be the main bread winner. It was very hard to make ends meet on his income because he never made a good salary and he had no desire to better himself in any way. All he wanted to do was focus on his music career which was not helping us because it did not bring money into the house. I felt like he should be focusing on going back to school, moving up in the company, getting a raise, anything that could help us financially. But he refuses to do that and accuses me of not believing in him or his talent. 

After my oldest child turned 2 yrs. old he was diagnosed with Autism, this was a very diificult time for my family because I was hoping to go back to work to help us out but with a diagnosis of Autism I couldn't do that. I tried to enroll my child in several daycare centers but none of them would take him because of his diagnosis..this meant that I had to continue to be a stay at home mom while depending on my husbands income. Over the years we had struggled so bad financially..barely having the things we need, whenever I have money I pay my household bills first and whatever is left over I spend on taking care of my kids. I never buy anything for myself and never can afford to do fun or recreational things. 

Now my wedding anniversary is coming up next week and I am reflecting over the past 10 yrs. and it's sad because I feel like my husband and I have nothing to show for it. What have we accomplished in 10 yrs?? Nothing! We still live in a 2 bedroom apartment and we are still broke barely surviving week to week. Even though I was a stay at home mom for a long time over the years I decided to go back to school and get my Associates degree and in 2011 I received my Bachelors Degree. My son has made so much progress over the years and is in General Education classes at school and doing a great job. I have finally gone back to work at a hospital and I love my job so some things have gotten better. But my husband is still in the same place not wanting to better himself and still making the same amount of money and he still wants to get into the music industry.

I love my husband and our family, but I wonder if i would be better off without him. The financial burden we have been under for the past 10 years has weighed on our marriage in every way. I guess I feel that I can do bad all by myself, if I am going to struggle like this I might as well be a single mother.


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## QuestionsNoAnswers (Aug 24, 2012)

My first question is, if you made more money than him, why did YOU quit your job to raise the kids? This isn't the 50's anymore - men are perfectly capable of staying home with the kids. It was a poor financial decision to leave the better paying job just because you are the woman... although I'm sure you realize that by now. 

I just said this in another thread, but I'll repeat it here: you can't respect and trust a man who doesn't care about providing for his family. So the first step is to sit down and really think mercilessly about his motivations. Is he really trying as hard as he can or has he repeatedly done just enough? Does he address your concerns thoughtfully and respectfully or does he blow them off? 

Once you've done that, think about what you said: "I love my husband and our family." Is that really the case? Do you say you love him because you've been together for so long, or is this really a deep and meaningful feeling? 

I ask all of this because it sounds to me like your husband has lost your respect and trust, and probably your love as well. I would sit down with him and have a come-to-Jesus talk. Tell him everything you told us here - tell him you're so unhappy with the way things are that you think you'd be better off as a single mom. See what he says, and decide whether or not you believe he will change. If you don't believe he will change, and you're really unhappy enough to think that it would be better being alone, then I think you already know what you need to do.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I don't understand why you would be better off without your husband? Is he not a good father? You married him with the job he has now. Why is it not good enough anymore? Do you think your children would be better off with divorced parents?

It does sound like you have a whole lot of resentment towards your husband. Maybe seek marriage counseling?


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

Movingon0405 said:


> I am reflecting over the past 10 yrs. and it's sad because I feel like my husband and I have nothing to show for it. What have we accomplished in 10 yrs?? Nothing! We still live in a 2 bedroom apartment and we are still broke barely surviving week to week.


You married young to a broke musician and quit your job to have two children. The writing was on the wall 10 years ago, and and it was your pen (and your husband's paintbrush).

You do have something to show for it, no money in the bank but you have 2 kids.

I hope it was worth it..


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## ShadowOfDoubt (Aug 5, 2012)

Has your husband a career, besides music, that he can fall back on? Perhaps that, and then music in his spare time?


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## katiebelle (Sep 16, 2012)

My goodness-- some are so mean on here. I sympathize -- no ones starts out in a marriage planning to have difficulties. Print out what you just wrote at the top and give it to him. He needs to know how you feel. You loved him and thought things would turn out for the best. You shouldn't look back and think how things could have been different if only you'd chosen a different path. What's done is done. See if he's willing to work on this with you then go from there. One step at a time. Good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you in the States?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

OP is moving on


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## love2laugh (Sep 16, 2012)

Just want to say I know how you feel. 

My hubby won't give up his "hobby" either even though it doesn't bring much money in. He might finally be waking up because he says he wants to go back to school to change careers. I think that's great but he wants to go full-time. I don't know why he can't work and go to school like most people?!

Good luck-


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