# Is this the beginning of an alcoholic?



## QuietSoul

Hi all.

Married 7 years. H was in long term recovery for sex addiction since before I knew him and the addiction itself has not been a major issue in our marriage compared to some other things, except some addict behaviors do drive me nuts when they happen. Mainly lying about dumb things for no reason then looking me in the face swearing to God he's telling the truth. This was happening constantly a few years ago just before our D day and since then he has straightened up. 

But every now and then I find him doing it again and i have noticed it a bit lately. 

He has been under massive pressure lately. Looking for work in a tough market, father dying and staying with us part time, renovations, I'm pregnant, had a scare with my job security (of course it happened just after my manager found out i'm pregnant). There is more but these are the major things.

So these are the things I've been noticing:

1. He really liked this cider I ordered once and since then he's driven to particular bottle shops just to get it.

2. When he does buy it, it has been in larger portions each time.

3. I would see him drink one maybe every second night

4. I found out he was also drinking 2-3 a day. I became concerned and asked him to not drink during the day like that.

5. On Saturday a friend of his came over and it was about midday when he got beers for him and his friend, but he had not even eaten breakfast.

6. Last night we did a big grocery shop, and I was putting everything away and noticed a stash of ciders hidden behind boxes of cereal. There was plenty of room in the rest of the cupboard and heaps of room in the fridge. I asked him about it, I asked if he had put it there to try to hide it from me. He swore no, that it was because there wasn't room in the fridge (BS!)

I am becoming quite worried. He is seeing a psychologist at the moment which is really good but I am scared he will go into that lying mode again. When he's in that space, it's like he truly believes his own ****. It's scary. 

Am I worrying over nothing? Are there any alcoholics here in recovery who can comment, or partners/exes of alcoholics?


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## OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE

Your husband is already an addict. Addictions take many forms, but have underlying causes. Before this his medication of choice was porn. Now it's alcohol. Get rid of that and he will move on to something else. 
What he has is an addictive personality. Often times one of the signs of this is the lying for dumb reasons. Lying is a compulsive behavior that is common with an addictive personality.
Have you checked your bank account/credit cards lately? Often times this type of person will have financial issues too.
Please understand that I doubt you can fix/help this person. Only a professional will be able to do this and I doubt that it will last.
The lying to your face is indicative of other behaviors that have nothing to do with addictions. Talk to his psychologist find out what their observations are. Good luck because I honestly do not see this ending well.


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## kindnessrules

Definitely sounds like some addictive tendencies. If there is a support group like Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous in your area, I would suggest giving it a try. Sounds like it would be helpful to learn to detach from his actions and focus on yourself. He might feel like you are checking up on him or watching his every movement. This could lead to more lies and secrecy. Marriage shouldn't be a prison where he doesn't feel free to do what he wants.

The more you back off, the better it will be. Give him space to decide how he is going to handle his problems. He might well have an addictive personality. My significant other has an addictive personality too. He has his moments with bad websites (he has gotten help and tries very hard to keep it to a minimum), addictive eating, and extreme behavior. He does not know when enough is enough. He spends hours on the computer, exhausting himself well beyond the time he should have been done and in bed resting. I see signs of possible ADD - he gets way too intense and overdoes things and although he says he doesn't have racing thoughts it is sometimes hard to carry on a conversation because his mind is elsewhere. In fact, I am going to suggest that we see a therapist who specializes in ADD. We have been to therapy 3 times in the past and although it doesn't solve all our problems it has been helpful. 

Good luck with your situation. I would advise you to try to focus on yourself and back off from him. I know it must be very difficult with your job and pregnancy, but trying to solve his problems will only lead to more problems. Try to build your own support system apart from him.


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