# Appreciating differences in communication keeps me out of trouble



## YupItsMe

I learned the hard way but I learned when my wife tells me her problem I used to give her advice. That was insulting and got me an unplanned trip to the dog house. Now I ask her how it made her feel. After she tells me, we have bonded.


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## lilith23

Hmm I guess it depends on what and how you give advices. Also, it might have some difference of the one that gives the advices being a man or a woman.

But yeah, in the over all, it's important that you can make her feel how you're understanding why and how she feels towards the situation.


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## heavensangel

Very wise indeed. Wives don't necessarily want you to 'fix' them or the issue, they just want to know you've HEARD & understand how they feel. By asking her 'how does this make you feel' you've earned yourself brownie points or as Mark Gungor would say a 'ding' 

GREAT JOB!


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## SimplyAmorous

YupItsMe said:


> I learned the hard way but I learned when my wife tells me her problem I used to give her advice. That was insulting and got me an unplanned trip to the dog house. Now I ask her how it made her feel. After she tells me, we have bonded.


 Yeah...it's kinda sucky, but that is how us women are... we like to be *heard* ...and *understood*...somehow this is like watering a wilted flower in our time of thirst...and we feel "validated". 

My husband has always given me this....I can run to him with any care, he will open his arms & give me his undivided ear, he has my back...then we basically jump to "fix" together. 

Here is a great write up about this >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/39565-validating-your-spouse.html


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## Rough Patch Sewing

SimplyAmorous said:


> Yeah...it's kinda sucky, but that is how us women are... we like to be *heard* ...and *understood*...somehow this is like watering a wilted flower in our time of thirst...and we feel "validated".
> 
> My husband has always given me this....I can run to him with any care, he will open his arms & give me his undivided ear, he has my back...then we basically jump to "fix" together.
> 
> Here is a great write up about this >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/39565-validating-your-spouse.html


Kudos on saying this with perfect clarity and showing how it helps a couple "Jump to fix together"!


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