# Simultaneous MC and IC



## curlycue

Is it a good idea to have the same therapist for MC and IC? 

My thought would be to have different therapists but just curious.


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## arbitrator

curlycue said:


> Is it a good idea to have the same therapist for MC and IC?
> 
> My thought would be to have different therapists but just curious.


*Hell to the "No!" 

Not unless you want a counselor who happens to be the IC, as well as friend, of one of the partners, and then habitually sides with that partner in the course of MC!

I found that out the very hard way with my RSXW! *


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## GuyInColorado

I tried it and it was worthless. Way too much resentment on my part with the way she treated me and my mother to have any chance. I also wasn't attractive to my ex and she made it clear losing weight and becoming attractive again to me wasn't an issue. 

If you need that much counseling, put a fork in it. No relationship should require that much work. Life is too short.


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## curlycue

arbitrator said:


> curlycue said:
> 
> 
> 
> Is it a good idea to have the same therapist for MC and IC?
> 
> My thought would be to have different therapists but just curious.
> 
> 
> 
> *Hell to the "No!"
> 
> Not unless you want a counselor who happens to be the IC, as well as friend, of one of the partners, and then habitually sides with that partner in the course of MC!
> 
> I found that out the very hard way with my RSXW! *
Click to expand...

This was very helpful. 

We had our first MC session yesterday and my husband who is generally very anti-therapy came out impressed and considering IC. He also liked the therapist and thought out loud about just seeing her. 

I thought it was a bad idea because the therapist's view in IC would be colored by my side. IC should be about him.

But your comment is a very valid point for me!! I am definitely pushing against that. Thanks


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## curlycue

GuyInColorado said:


> I tried it and it was worthless. Way too much resentment on my part with the way she treated me and my mother to have any chance. I also wasn't attractive to my ex and she made it clear losing weight and becoming attractive again to me wasn't an issue.
> 
> If you need that much counseling, put a fork in it. No relationship should require that much work. Life is too short.


To each their own.
We do have some serious issues so we're in MC. May help and it may not. I do have some serious resentment myself towards him. But with two young kids, neither of us willing quit without making every possible effort. 

If my husband wants to go to IC to clarify things for himself and improve his mental health, good for him!


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