# Disrespectful or no?



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Sometimes after I come home there's simply no dinner to be had. I often cook large portions of meals so that we have something to eat for the week, but for me cooking is a labor of love, for my wife it's a chore. I don't care if she didn't cook, I'll pick something up if she says we don't have anything to make. However, sometimes I come home and there is nada. Full disclosure, she is a SAHM and I work 50 hours with a grueling commute. My thoughts are that if theres no dinner she should at least tell me. When she used to work weekend mornings I always had lunch prepared for her, without fail.
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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

If she is a SAHM she should have dinner prepared for you.


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Disrespectful if she ate and didn't consider your appetite. Not disrespectful if she didn't eat. Really poor planning if she wants you to cook/make arrangements and no food to prepare is around. 

You could use these instances where no food is around to pick-up food for you two that she dislikes in hopes of getting her to modify this behavior.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I'm the master of the ten-minute three course meal, even if the meat is frozen so this isn't a big problem for me.

But you guys should have an agreement in place about communication.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> Disrespectful if she ate and didn't consider your appetite. Not disrespectful if she didn't eat. Really poor planning if she wants you to cook/make arrangements and no food to prepare is around.
> 
> You could use these instances where no food is around to pick-up food for you two that she dislikes in hopes of getting her to modify this behavior.


I do pick up take out often from the local italian place, and get food for her as well. The problem is that if I dont explicitly ask if she's pre0ared dinner I sometimes walk into having nothing, so I go back out after I get home and go around the block to get something. I feel that this should be volunteered. I don't care if she didn't cook, just fcking let me know before I get home.
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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Sounds like the two of you have two different outlooks on cooking. You enjoy it, she doesn't. Sounds like my house... I do cook but not because I like to. lol

You may have to ask her to tell you what the plan is for dinner each day. Would it help for the two of you to come up with a meal plan for the week to avoid running out of food. 

It doesn't matter if your a SAHM or the CEO of a large company. Some people just don't care much for cooking... Some love it...

Sounds like you just need to communicate with each other on the topic, maybe even daily...


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

torani said:


> Sounds like the two of you have two different outlooks on cooking. You enjoy it, she doesn't. Sounds like my house... I do cook but not because I like to. lol
> 
> You may have to ask her to tell you what the plan is for dinner each day. Would it help for the two of you to come up with a meal plan for the week to avoid running out of food.
> 
> ...


There's plenty of stuff I do at work that I don't enjoy. This is part of her job. If I decided to cherry pick tasks at work I wouldn't hav3 a job for very long. I'm not complaining on quality or quantity, I just want some fvucking food when I walk in the door after a hard day's work.
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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> There's plenty of stuff I do at work that I don't enjoy. This is part of her job. If I decided to cherry pick tasks at work I wouldn't hav3 a job for very long. I'm not complaining on quality or quantity, I just want some fvucking food when I walk in the door after a hard day's work.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you can squirrel-away some food? Secret stash??


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Also, on the weekends I will often go to the store early in the am and pick up some fruit I know she likes. After that I make a hot breakfast for her and the kids. After that they all eat fresh fruit. I'm not doing this on a tit for tat basis, but I don't want you guys to think I'm a chauvinist pig.
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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Can you think of a reason she might "accidentally" forget to tell you there is no dinner?


I can't. Do you have an idea?
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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> Maybe you can squirrel-away some food? Secret stash??


It's really more about the intent, or lack thereof.
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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I think it's really slack and yes disrespectful. We ALL have to eat and your working 50 hours a week enabling her to be a SAHM...something many women/Mums would love to be. 

Making a yummy meal is not difficult it just takes a bit of effort and time...although many meals are very quick to sort. Does she have decent basic cooking skills?

I work from home and love to have dinner cooking when hubby gets home. I see the pleasure it gives him, he always wants to sneak a peek into the oven and it earns me so many 'good wifey stars'. Especially if theres pudding too.

Does she know how much this would mean to you? She may not realise.

What/where/when do your kids eat? Sitting down together as a family to eat a meal everyday is said to be very important for families and no doubt couples as well. 

I find this one of life's joys... dinner is the only meal we eat together as a family and I treasure it.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

waiwera said:


> I think it's really slack and yes disrespectful. We ALL have to eat and your working 50 hours a week enabling her to be a SAHM...something many women/Mums would love to be.
> 
> Making a yummy meal is not difficult it just takes a bit of effort and time...although many meals are very quick to sort. Does she have decent basic cooking skills?
> 
> ...


That's a really good question. I was brought up in a family that always ate dinner together. Her family will sometimes eat dinner together but they can take their plates inside and sit and watch tv at dinner, which in my family would have been taboo. My mother once pulled the tv into the view of dinner, that was during the world series of 1986 where the Mets were in the game.
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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> I'm just thinking classic passive-aggression. I love cooking, but when our son was under a year old I had lost all drive for it and we ate pizza 3 nights a week. My husband made an off the cuff remark that I took very personally and I would "forget" to cook in retaliation or he would get home with no dinner on the table and I'd "forget" to ask him to pick up something because there was "nothing" in the house.
> 
> It just seems like a jab because if you are willing to pick up dinner on the way home so she doesn't have to cook, it's something she's doing on purpose.


Thank you for the post FrenchFry, I think the resentment thing might be true. I guess I have to speak up or shutup at this point.
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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

Is she generally a very scattered or disorganized person? If so, it could simply be a personality trait. Does she often forget to eat meals herself?

Otherwise, I think FrenchFry is onto something.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think it's ridiculous to patently say "A stay-at-home mom's job is to cook. Always." That's only her job if you, as a couple, have arranged things that way.

But what you're saying is that you don't expect her to cook even. You just want to come home...and have food one way or another...without having to go BACK out...after a long commute and long day at work? I would feel the same way! Very reasonable.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> I do pick up take out often from the local italian place, and get food for her as well. The problem is that if I dont explicitly ask if she's pre0ared dinner I sometimes walk into having nothing, so I go back out after I get home and go around the block to get something. I feel that this should be volunteered. I don't care if she didn't cook, just fcking let me know before I get home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So have you actually TOLD her this?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> OK, so you do a 50 hour work week plus a bad commute. I'm guessing you are out around 5 pm, take about an hour to get home and your in the house by 6:15 pm? On those days when she has nothing cooked, has your wife and your kids eaten anything? I find it surprising that your kids would not be fed or have a time where a meal was going to be put in front of them by 6:30 pm at the latest. No offense, but coming from the outside and seeing a SAHM not have dinner ready for her husband AND HER KIDS at least by 6:30 pm to take account of your long commute, then I would conclude that she sucks as a mom. What kind of mother wouldn't have something ready for the kids to eat for dinner?
> 
> But...if she has fed the kids and herself, and left you in the lurch, then that is bullsh!t. It means she doesn't care much for you at all.


The kids are starving when they come home, thanks to new federal rules. They often eat yogurt and cereal and arent very hungry when I get home, around 730 pm. My wife is weird with food, she eats in the middle of the night half the time. I want a proper meal before I go to bed.
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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> So have you actually TOLD her this?


I just did tell her my needs, we'll see what happens.
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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*French Fry* is right, but the extent of it depends on the amount of communication you have had about this, and the degree to which it affects you. I have a story for you - 

Anyone who has ever been close to me knows that I have hypoglycemia and the merciless ones took advantage of it to hurt me, every one of them in the same way - to insist they were cooking for me and how rude it would be for me to have even a slice of bread when they were going so far out of their way to serve me dinner an hour after they said it would be ready. 

I had an old "friend" move in with me after he got divorced and was unemployed. I was single at the time and had explained to him one of the things I hated most about my ex-stay-at-home wife was coming home to no food, and have her insist on cooking it but taking an hour. She would actually start crying and wailing if I attempted to make the food myself. She eventually admitted she was doing it on purpose, knowing I had hypoglycemia. 

This "friend" volunteers to cook spaghetti. So I went out to the shop to work on an engine and told him to call me when it was done. He said fine, but he never came and got me. I waited and waited, eventually going into hypoglycemic shock. I came in seeing spots, disoriented, not speaking coherently, and very irritable.

He was sitting in front of the television with a finished plate of spaghetti. I asked where my food was because the pot was empty. He said "there wasn't enough to feed both you and the dogs, so I gave them their spaghetti first... here let me get yours going." He jumped up like he was in a big hurry to cook for me.

I was discombobulated from hypoglycemic shock and could not even respond verbally to this bizarre story about feeding the dogs "their" spaghetti first. Peope do not cook spaghetti for dogs. This was just how mercilessly manipulative this a$$hole was. It is called "Duper's Delight" - they get great joy out of deceiving you, and the bigger the con game they can pull on you the more delight they get out of it. 

The truth was he had put me into hypoglycemic shock on purpose. I had explained to him exactly how to do it, and he actually figured out a way to be even more savage about it than my ex-wife: by cooking the food but then giving it to the dogs and leaving me out in the shop starving. Knowing that I was waiting on him to come tell me when it was ready. So that he could prolong the shock to the maximum. Figuring out an asinine cover story with the dogs to confuse me, and then feigning hurt and anger at me for reacting like he knew I would. 

I evicted him. Not just over that, but he had a malicious personality disorder that had gotten worse with age. The story for you is this: when you tell people you have a weakness like this, it is the very thing malicious ones are going to use against you. When I saw what he had done I told him not to cook, and whipped myself up chicken, corn and ramen within ten minutes while he went ahead making a big show of making this spaghetti and having it finished after I had already eaten. Acted angry at me for doing it. 

Food manipulation is especially malicious since everyone gets really irritable and weak when they are hungry. But they're going to conceal what they are doing and part of their joy is in the cruelty of playing dumb about it. They'll push your buttons when you react, saying "just look at you, so irritable, how unreasonable you are..."


So you have more empathy from me than you can possibly imagine.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> *French Fry* is right, but the extent of it depends on the amount of communication you have had about this, and the degree to which it affects you. I have a story for you -
> 
> Anyone who has ever been close to me knows that I have hypoglycemia and the merciless ones took advantage of it to hurt me, every one of them in the same way - to insist they were cooking for me and how rude it would be for me to have even a slice of bread when they were going so far out of their way to serve me dinner an hour after they said it would be ready.
> 
> ...


wow, thanks for sharing brotha...I hope things are better than that...
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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> Also, on the weekends I will often go to the store early in the am and pick up some fruit I know she likes. After that I make a hot breakfast for her and the kids. After that they all eat fresh fruit. I'm not doing this on a tit for tat basis, *but I don't want you guys to think I'm a chauvinist pig.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't come across as a chauvinist. Is she being disrespectful, not sure but she sure is being lazy. There has to be something more behind it, is she depressed, does she keep up with the housework, how is your relationship?

Not a huge fan of cooking but i love to feed people, anyone, if they are in my home they get food. It is a nurturing thing to do.

Mr H and I often cook together, is this something you guys could do? It is a great time to have a wine, unwind from the day and catch up.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Holland said:


> You don't come across as a chauvinist. Is she being disrespectful, not sure but she sure is being lazy. There has to be something more behind it, is she depressed, does she keep up with the housework, how is your relationship?
> 
> Not a huge fan of cooking but i love to feed people, anyone, if they are in my home they get food. It is a nurturing thing to do.
> 
> Mr H and I often cook together, is this something you guys could do? It is a great time to have a wine, unwind from the day and catch up.


Almost everything she knows about cooking is from me. She can duplicate some recipes from her Nana due to me but her mother honestly was a spoiled brat. Dios mio, ella entiendes nada.
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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

So since she is a SAHM, is the rest of the household under control? If so, then I would guess that she flat out hates to cook. (me too!!) If thats the case, then you should be able to work out a compromise on this. Decide on days of the week that you stop and grab food to take home, then for the other days, she keeps food stocked for you so that you can either cook or pull out something easy and quick for yourself. Maybe over the weekends you can fix meals for the week...you cook, she cleans up. I can see that if you get home so late, that she and the kids will have already eaten, so you doing the cooking ahead of time can give them a meal instead of just snacks.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

As hard as I have tried I can find NO EXCUSE for this SAHM not make a meal everyday for her and the children and plate something up for her husband if he is going to be in late.

I DO NOT care that she hates cooking, we all have to do things we hate. My wife hates changing babies nappies (diapers) but you can leave them stinking, I hate city traffic but I still have to drive in it. She MUST put the NEEDS OF OTHERS BEFORE HER OWN WANTS.

IMHO the OP needs to tell his wife in no uncertain terms to BUCK UP.


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

I would have her checked for depression. When I was in the midst of a depression bout, I wasn't sad or down all the time. I was often angry but ore so, I was simply unable to do simple daily tasks. My brain did not allow for thinking and planning ahead.
Meal preparation is a chore for me for sure, and I'm a acts of service person. I detect the whole "coming up with dishes" even though I'm very creative otherwise. I don't mind the shopping and cleaning but the prep and cooking is not fun. I'm a SAHM too and we homeschool, so by dinner time I've thought of, planned, prepared and cleaned up food all day. Dinner is the worst. It's getti g easier now that the kids are old enough to get their own snack and cereal breakfast and make themselves a PBJ. I resented then that I was the only person responsible for feeding the family. It wasn't true, hubby helped whenever he could, I still perceived it as only me doing all the work. It weighed heavy on me. Especially when he was gone for extended work travel, weeks at a time, when i truly was the only person responsible for feedig the children and myself 5 times a day. It became lighter when he took more of an interest, rather than wordlessly expecting. Just him asking, yes, every.single.day, despite hundreds of other responsibilities on his shoulders, made me feel not so alone with the food stuffs. It also held me more accountable. Sometimes he would ask in the morning if I had something planned for dinner. Sometimes before leaving work pray any other point during the day. 
Having been depression free for a couple of years now, I would say cooking still is t my favorite but I don't loathe it. Now I have much healthier view of my responsibility. 

My suggested plan of action for you: come up with around 20 dinners or so. From simple grilled cheese to soups to more properly cooked meals. The whole family can take part in this. Sit on the weekend and pick an option for each day of the week, incl. take out options. If the kids are old enough, they can be responsible for a day too. They can make pancakes or egg sandwiches or simple stuff, depending on age. You could plan for a week or two at a time. At the same time write a rough shopping list and keep it near the meal plan. Perhaps you could ask her to set a day aside for grocery shopping and you expect nothing else for that day. Plan on take out that day. Baby steps. Also, can you build up a pantry of easy to heat foods? Canned soups, those microwaveable and froze dinners, fish sticks... Not the best for you but better than nothing in a pinch. 
I would caution against assuming she means to harm you. It may very well have nothing to do with you at all.
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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

How old are the children? Are there any health problems or difficulties with them?


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

> Full disclosure, she is a SAHM and I work 50 hours with a grueling commute.


a mere 50 hrs? 

How old is she? How many children do you have? How old? Does she homeschool?

Had 8 children and homeschooled and it was 120 hours/week plus on call 24/7 for infants, illnesses, etc. 

I went through a spell when I hit mid 40's where I was completely exhausted and didn't cook for awhile. Perimenopause.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Disrespectful.


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## FLGator (Mar 26, 2013)

Disrespect. 

Same boat. I work salary ( afraid so ) and I am forever coming home to kids having ate, Her not hungry or already ate, or food wrappers in the trash. 

Very very rarely I get cooked for. She does not work. It drives me nuts. I don't ask for anything but food. 

Very disrespectful.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Won't cook. No food in the house. Isn't ever hungry. "Odd" about food/eating. Eats in the middle of the night.

Does your wife have an eating disorder?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Blonde said:


> a mere 50 hrs?
> 
> How old is she? How many children do you have? How old? Does she homeschool?
> 
> ...


She's 35. Kids are 7, 5, 2 and a 8 month old. Sure she has her hands full, no question. I really wouldn't care if she simply made a sandwich, which would take two minutes. I often cook large batches of things on the weekends so that leftovers can be reheated. Would it take so much to reheat something and put it on a plate?

Btw 8 kids all homeschooled WOW! There should be an award for someone who accomplishes this! Amazi g.
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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Rowan said:


> Won't cook. No food in the house. Isn't ever hungry. "Odd" about food/eating. Eats in the middle of the night.
> 
> Does your wife have an eating disorder?


She was overweight as a teenager. She definitely has food issues, but doesn't really have a full on disorder. She'll make bizarre comments like "food is boring". This might be a piece of the issue as well.
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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I dont think its disrespectful, I think its negligent especially with the kids. 

She needs to get her priorities straight, meals should be the most important thing on her schedule. You and your kids need to be fed healthy diets and on time. If she is overwhelmed then I would suggest she sends the kids to school. I know home schooling is important to some families but, if you are not going to be feeding your kids on time and healthy food then you are not really doing them any good. 

They should not be starving when you get home and take out meals are for a once in a while.

When we both are working, I still have dinner on the table on time, its all about planning and cooking some basic items so you have them on hand.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

:nono:
I will add that a diet of yogurt ( I will think it has lots of sugar and artificial colors and flavors) and cereal (same loaded with sugar and artificial stuff, not to mention BHT) 

Are not good for anyone, once in a while in a hurry but not as breakfast and lunch all the time, even if she is buying organic.

If she wants she could speak to a nutritionist to help her with meal planning. Some insurances cover these visits.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I think keeping the household a comfortable livable place is the trade off that couples make when it is determined that one goes out and wins the bread and the other stays at home to bake it.

Even if the OP's wife didn't like cooking, the irony is that food in its most natural state is at its healthiest. Salads of raw food and grilled meats are healthier than anything else one can eat. She should make it her job to keep the kitchen stocked with healthy foods for the entire family.

When I was married, my (ex)H was working and I was looking for work. I joked back then that I learned to cook so that he would stop bringing that smelly fish home from "the chippie."

In any case, I at least have fond memories of both of us exploring food, cooking and home entertaining.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> She was overweight as a teenager. She definitely has food issues, but doesn't really have a full on disorder. She'll make bizarre comments like "food is boring". This might be a piece of the issue as well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think that she definitely has signs of disordered thinking about food. I also think it's possible she has post-partum depression. 

Perhaps some MC might help with this issue - whatever the root cause of this issue is.


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## twowheeltravel (Feb 4, 2012)

My ex wife was a stay at home mom with a couple small kids. Didnt get better when they got to be teens. Could never ever make dinner at a reasonable time. How long does it take to open a can of Beans and steam a pack of hotdogs? Not looking for a gourmet meal. I often thought that she was like that due to her not being hungry so there wasn't any urgency on her part. Once her mom stayed for the week and I'd come home with dinner ready every day. I thought I died and went to heaven.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

I think its disgusting and inexcusable! Sorry, but when she took on the role of a SAHM this is part of her JOB!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> She's 35. Kids are 7, 5, 2 and a 8 month old. Sure she has her hands full, no question. I really wouldn't care if she simply made a sandwich, which would take two minutes. I often cook large batches of things on the weekends so that leftovers can be reheated. Would it take so much to reheat something and put it on a plate?
> 
> Btw 8 kids all homeschooled WOW! There should be an award for someone who accomplishes this! Amazi g.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I wouldn't have guessed four kids 7,5,2, and infant. These are details you should have thrown out there on the first post. Seems like you taylored your question for the answers you wanted. That tears down your credibility a little.

You and she both have full time jobs. Kids got to eat too so supper should usually be ready by the time you're home anyway but better communication solves the problem when it's not. First you communication to her that you want to know. (Looks like you've just done that). Second you guys decide how you'll do that (she calls/you call/whatever).


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Disrespectful and actually quite rude!
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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Yeah, the ages of your kids are a huge point. Post-partum comes into play. When I did the 'forget' thing, I was in the midst of post-partum depression big time and my husband's lack of couth and failure to see the depths of my overwhelmed-ness had me taking some destructive actions in an effort to be heard. You said "ella no entiende nada," if your wife is at all sensitive and at all depressed, she has picked up on this attitude and has magnified it immensely in her mind. I'm still dumping resentment from the stupid crap my husband said to me while I was struggling.
> 
> *That combines with the other thing I was thinking, and now looking at the ages of your children: your wife might be doing a small power grab in the best way she knows how. You think she understands nothing, I think she might understand how to push your buttons better than you can ever believe and if she is depressed and overwhelmed, she is going to try and be powerful in the best ways she knows how. Passive-aggressive power-grab, and trying to focus on the respect aspect might be a further driver into more PA power grabs. That was my experience*.


My advice is to be careful. Once a couple descends into PA behavior and tit for tat, there's nowhere to go but out. BTDT.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Thanks everyone for your input, it's really valuable. The ages of the kids is absolutely a factor, although two of the children are in school from 9 am to almost 4 in the afternoon. The two younger children still take naps from time to time, so there is a bit of down time where she can take a break. I help get the kids ready in the morning and I leave after they're gone. Part of this is to help, part of it is to avoid traffic. If there's a hell it's the Long Island Expressway during rush hour.

The post partum thing could be an issue too, she's been having some really strange behaviors. The other day we went to my mom's house and strangely her breast pump stopped working. When we got home the pump worked. In the morning before I went to work I told her that she should call the support line of the place she rented it from, she said there was no reason to do that as it was working. She actually believed that the pump didn't work because she left the house. Of course later in the afternoon the pump failed and she missed out on having a new pump the next day. She was so frustrated she couldn't seem to bring herself to do anything to resolve the issue, so I ran out to wal mart and found a cheap $40 single breast pump. It's not great but it will keep her going until she gets the replacement. She's having a lot of episodes of bizarre reasoning and magical thinking.

I really do try to help where I can but often my help is met with resistance. I offer to throw some laundry in the washing machine and she tells me not to, because I don't do it correctly. I've done laundry since I was like 8 years old, I know what I'm doing.

What I'm going to do based on the feedback I'm getting is to have a frank discussion with her asking her where she's falling short and where I could help. I realize ESP is an especially poor medium for communication, so engaging her will likely yield better results for all.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> She's 35. Kids are 7, 5, 2 and a 8 month old. Sure she has her hands full, no question. I really wouldn't care if she simply made a sandwich, which would take two minutes. I often cook large batches of things on the weekends so that leftovers can be reheated. Would it take so much to reheat something and put it on a plate?
> 
> Btw 8 kids all homeschooled WOW! There should be an award for someone who accomplishes this! Amazi g.


And the very hardest times were when I had the first three children under age 6. It's absolutely relentless. There are no breaks and no relief ever. If you so much as need a gallon of milk or some stamps you have to put them in snowsuits and carseats and load up their strollers and whatnot... Breastfeeding is physically and emotionally draining. Sleep deprivation is chronic.

I'd say overwhelmed and postpartum. And I don't get why men are inclined to take things like this personally and label it "disrespect"? I bet she feels like she's drowning and can't come up for air. 

Approaching her as being "disrespectful, rude, disgusting" as have been suggested on the thread...  No wonder women would rather not SAHM anymore. The 50 hours a week for a fat paycheck and admiring performance reviews with weekends off and time to put my feet up after work sounds heavenly.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Putting myself in her shoes, what might be helpful is to sit down together and menu plan easy meals for two weeks and then shop together for groceries (HIGHLY stressful shopping alone with all those little ones!)

But try to be sensitive and compassionate about your approach rather than critical of what a "SAHM failure" she is in your eyes.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Blonde said:


> And the very hardest times were when I had the first three children under age 6. It's absolutely relentless. There are no breaks and no relief ever. If you so much as need a gallon of milk or some stamps you have to put them in snowsuits and carseats and load up their strollers and whatnot... Breastfeeding is physically and emotionally draining. Sleep deprivation is chronic.
> 
> I'd say overwhelmed and postpartum. And I don't get why men are inclined to take things like this personally and label it "disrespect"? I bet she feels like she's drowning and can't come up for air.
> 
> Approaching her as being "disrespectful, rude, disgusting" as have been suggested on the thread...  No wonder women would rather not SAHM anymore. The 50 hours a week for a fat paycheck and admiring performance reviews with weekends off and time to put my feet up after work sounds heavenly.


Maybe disrespect is the wrong word, but surely it's pretty inconsiderate. I call, without fail, every day before I come home. All she has to do is say "I didn't make dinner, can you pick something up" and I would do it in a heart beat. I don't understand how you can forget dinner any more than you can forget taking a shower in the morning. So, that leads me to believe it's intentional. I understand hormones being awry, but in the end you have to own your behavior. I can't punch someone in the face and blame it on a testosterone surge.

I don't expect to be served like a king nor do I want June Cleaver as my wife. I'm a pretty low maintenance guy. I help out when I'm around, all I want is a little time to sit and eat and maybe decompress for a bit. I'd be happy with 15 minutes of sitting down with my wife with something to eat in front of me. I would do the same thing for her.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Blonde said:


> Putting myself in her shoes, what might be helpful is to sit down together and menu plan easy meals for two weeks and then shop together for groceries (HIGHLY stressful shopping alone with all those little ones!)
> 
> But try to be sensitive and compassionate about your approach rather than critical of what a "SAHM failure" she is in your eyes.


I do probably 80% of the food shopping. After I shop I make sure she sees everything I've bought so that she knows if something is around or not. I know it would be tough to shop with the two babies, that's why I usually do it on the weekends (and take at least one of the kids with me).


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## MyrnaLoy (Apr 23, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> Maybe disrespect is the wrong word, but surely it's pretty inconsiderate. I call, without fail, every day before I come home. All she has to do is say "I didn't make dinner, can you pick something up" and I would do it in a heart beat. I don't understand how you can forget dinner any more than you can forget taking a shower in the morning. So, that leads me to believe it's intentional. I understand hormones being awry, but in the end you have to own your behavior. I can't punch someone in the face and blame it on a testosterone surge.
> 
> I don't expect to be served like a king nor do I want June Cleaver as my wife. I'm a pretty low maintenance guy. I help out when I'm around, all I want is a little time to sit and eat and maybe decompress for a bit. I'd be happy with 15 minutes of sitting down with my wife with something to eat in front of me. I would do the same thing for her.


Why don't you just ask her if she's made dinner while you're on the phone then? Obviously this is a big deal to you so just ask if there's food at home instead of being PA and then getting mad about it. I totally agree with Blonde up above. Of course I am also a SAHM that doesn't cook for my husband much. But every situation is different. With those ages of kids, from after school on is crazy til bedtime. There's just a ton to do and juggle. Maybe she's overwhelmed. Or maybe she is a sucky wife-- what did she say when you talked to her?

As I said, I don't cook for my husband much either, but we've talked about it and he knows the reasons why and its not really an issue. There is always food to cook with though-- that should be solvable at least. Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

If she's not comfortable/familiar with cooking, it might seem like a really daunting task. 

I've had to teach myself a LOT about cooking (my mom's cooking was HORRIBLE). 

With little ones underfoot, it gets chaotic to try to do anything for dinner but using a slow cooker is a lifesaver for me.

Is it possible that you start teaching her stuff like this (that she can do earlier in the day or while they're napping) to give all of you (and the kids) a hot dinner at night?

This week, I've used my slow cooker to make orange chicken, spaghetti sauce w/meatballs and tonight is slow cooked pepper pork chops. Nothing gourmet or expensive but enough to have dinner and a take to work lunch. 

Talk about it - talk about solutions - what works for both of you, etc.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> I do probably 80% of the food shopping. After I shop I make sure she sees everything I've bought so that she knows if something is around or not. I know it would be tough to shop with the two babies, that's why I usually do it on the weekends (and take at least one of the kids with me).


This is really good and kudos for the thoughtfulness! But I think the planning together is important too as you may buy things according to how you would cook rather than how she would.

eg, I have some routine convenience foods which I like to have on hand such as microwave burritos, lots of eggs, tortilla bread for quesadillas, and the frozen ginger chicken from Aldi. And I have recipes I use over and over so I like to have ingredients for those- chili, lasagna, baked chicken breast casserole, homemade soups. Hubby knows those recipes and can buy the ingredients I need and he also has his own specialties as he cooks now and then these days. If I had only his ingredients on hand, I would be lost as to what to make.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> If she's not comfortable/familiar with cooking, it might seem like a really daunting task.
> 
> I've had to teach myself a LOT about cooking (my mom's cooking was HORRIBLE).
> 
> ...


Originally I used to come home and cook every night. Probably about 4 years ago she took it over. She didn't have any experience at that time but she researched on the internet and she's never made anything that's bad. By now I think she has a decent grasp on cooking. The slow cooker idea is good, we both like a lot of those types of meals. I use a pressure cooker myself to make a lot of that stuff, but it scares the bejesus out of her so she doesn't use it. 

That being said, while I'm a pretty good cook I'm an awful teacher. Teaching is its own skillset and I'm lacking. I've tried to show her things but I'm not sure how great a job I did lol.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Great advice here - absolutely stay away from PA behavior. She doesn't enjoy it so she probably procrastinates - maybe she's so busy with the little ones and has a bad day that she doesn't even THINK about dinner until - OMG he home already!.

I don't know where you are but if you can afford these options, they would be great for all of you:

- Store bought frozen dinners like lasagne are usually pretty good. have some on hand so you can microwave one. 
- There are meal services you can hire that deliver a weeks' worth of meals flash-frozen. Very good 'real' home made and/or chef prepared meals.
- Many cities have 'take-out taxi' - you pay for the delivery fee plus the restaurant's cost of food and it's delivered. You could call before you leave the office.
- Meal exchanges. I know neighborhoods with SAHMs - each one cooks one HUGE meal a week. Exchange on established day. That way you (or wife if there's one meal she doesn't mind cooking) only have to really cook once a week. If five families participate, then on the weekend you grill out or get take-out as a treat.
- Set an alarm on her phone for one hour before you normally get home. She can decide if she's up for cooking or to let you know she is not.

Bottom line is she either doesn't like to cook at all or she feels to swamped to do it. Perhaps her 'love language' isn't acts of service and cooking is an act of service. So talk about it, discuss ways you can resolve this, decide and hug.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Blonde said:


> This is really good and kudos for the thoughtfulness! But I think the planning together is important too as you may buy things according to how you would cook rather than how she would.
> 
> eg, I have some routine convenience foods which I like to have on hand such as microwave burritos, lots of eggs, tortilla bread for quesadillas, and the frozen ginger chicken from Aldi. And I have recipes I use over and over so I like to have ingredients for those- chili, lasagna, baked chicken breast casserole, homemade soups. Hubby knows those recipes and can buy the ingredients I need and he also has his own specialties as he cooks now and then these days. If I had only his ingredients on hand, I would be lost as to what to make.


All good ideas Blonde, thank you.

As an aside, how is Aldi? They opened one near me and I was curious about it.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> Originally I used to come home and cook every night. Probably about 4 years ago she took it over. She didn't have any experience at that time but she researched on the internet and she's never made anything that's bad. By now I think she has a decent grasp on cooking. The slow cooker idea is good, we both like a lot of those types of meals. I use a pressure cooker myself to make a lot of that stuff, but it scares the bejesus out of her so she doesn't use it.
> 
> That being said, while I'm a pretty good cook I'm an awful teacher. Teaching is its own skillset and I'm lacking. I've tried to show her things but I'm not sure how great a job I did lol.


The pressure cooker IS scary!!! I love doing chuck roasts w/potatoes and carrots, bbq pork ribs, all sorts of easy stuff. 

Most of it's simple enough, put it all in there, turn it on and leave it. I've got a 10 month old at home so sometimes he's not so cooperative later in the day. 

I want to say this isn't deliberate - she's uncomfortable. My hubby's cooking is amazing (the man makes beef wellington and risotto) so I sometimes feel inadequate.


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

I find passive aggressive of you that you call before coming home but don't care asking if you can pick something up on the way. That is the epitome of inconsiderate!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

anja said:


> I find passive aggressive of you that you call before coming home but don't care asking if you can pick something up on the way. That is the epitome of inconsiderate!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really? I need to call home and ask if my stay at home wife will be cooking dinner every single day? I already ask her if she needs me to pick anything up for her, she could say 'yes, can you get something to eat?'


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I don't think either of you are being passive aggressive. I do think you both have a disconnect in communication. She's waiting for you to ask, you're waiting for her to tell you.

It's not a deal breaker but it can become a bigger problem. Sit down, talk it out and decide on a solution. Make sure you kindly explain how important this is for you and what it means to you (family background is important).


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BrockLanders said:


> Really? I need to call home and ask if my stay at home wife will be cooking dinner every single day? I already ask her if she needs me to pick anything up for her, she could say 'yes, can you get something to eat?'


Have you talked to her about this in a calm, clear, rational manner? Something like "Honey, I find it frustrating when I call you before I leave the office, ask you if you need me to pick anything up, and then get home only to have to go pick something up again. I'd really appreciate it if you'd give me a heads up when I call, so I can just come home and focus on relaxing with the family. I don't mind at all picking something up; I'd just like to know so I can do it on the way". 

If that doesn't work, on the days she doesn't tell you, send HER out to get food while you relax at home with the kids. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

PBear said:


> Have you talked to her about this in a calm, clear, rational manner? Something like "Honey, I find it frustrating when I call you before I leave the office, ask you if you need me to pick anything up, and then get home only to have to go pick something up again. I'd really appreciate it if you'd give me a heads up when I call, so I can just come home and focus on relaxing with the family. I don't mind at all picking something up; I'd just like to know so I can do it on the way".
> 
> If that doesn't work, on the days she doesn't tell you, send HER out to get food while you relax at home with the kids.
> 
> ...


I did last night, I stated that in this thread somewhere.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My apologies. You've had lots of traffic. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

PBear said:


> Have you talked to her about this in a calm, clear, rational manner? Something like "Honey, I find it frustrating when I call you before I leave the office, ask you if you need me to pick anything up, and then get home only to have to go pick something up again. I'd really appreciate it if you'd give me a heads up when I call, so I can just come home and focus on relaxing with the family. I don't mind at all picking something up; I'd just like to know so I can do it on the way".
> 
> If that doesn't work, on the days she doesn't tell you, send HER out to get food while you relax at home with the kids.
> 
> ...


Actually that might kill two birds with one stone. She could unwind by going out by herself and getting the food and I'll get my meal so I can unwind a bit.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Do they have 'Dream Dinners' near you? I was checking this out the other day. You go there once a week or two weeks, prepare a bunch of homemade dinners with an instructor. They send them home with you in freezer containers - voila, easy dinner AND cooking lessons AND time out of the house and away from kids all in one!

Just a thought - maybe that's just me projecting what 'I' would like. Sorry!


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Aldi...low prices for mostly off-brand food items. For example, you want spaghetti sauce? They will have that item, but not in a brand you've ever heard of. They did, at one time (last in one 10+yrs ago) have Tyson frozen chicken. Bring some quarters for your cart rental fee (its returned once you return the cart). I'm not pretentious, just an observer, but mostly the financially less-off appear to shop at the ones here. The location(s) here dictate some of it. They do not provide bags for your groceries and will gladly charge you for some should you forget your own. 

I used to get my non-perishable goods there. The cooks at my FD used to get some stuff there but its a hassle to go to multiple stores for a days worth of chow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BrockLanders said:


> Actually that might kill two birds with one stone. She could unwind by going out by herself and getting the food and I'll get my meal so I can unwind a bit.


That was actually my point with specifying "no kids". Of course, you might be rewarding her "bad" behavior, but if you both win, does it matter?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> Aldi...low prices for mostly off-brand food items. For example, you want spaghetti sauce? They will have that item, but not in a brand you've ever heard of. They did, at one time (last in one 10+yrs ago) have Tyson frozen chicken. Bring some quarters for your cart rental fee (its returned once you return the cart). I'm not pretentious, just an observer, but mostly the financially less-off appear to shop at the ones here. The location(s) here dictate some of it. They do not provide bags for your groceries and will gladly charge you for some should you forget your own.
> 
> I used to get my non-perishable goods there. The cooks at my FD used to get some stuff there but its a hassle to go to multiple stores for a days worth of chow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Interesting that it's frequented more by the less well off, this Aldi is across the street from Whole Foods lol. I don't really eat a whole lot of prepared foods, do they have meats and produce as well?


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

Yes, i find it passive aggressive for you to wordlessly expect something you perfectly know is not going to happen. Like the wife who expects a gift for xyz occasion every year but her husband never asks and she never mentions it and then she gets mad. Imagine this repeating itself every year. Would you call that husband disrespectful? My guess is you would fault *her* for not making her expectations known. You're setting your wife up for failure and then faulting her for failing.
Also, seriously, she has some "down time" while the kids are napping? You bet she's not putting up her feet, painting her nails! Some of that household stuffs that miraculously does itself can't be done with them tiny guys around. I'm talking high chemical cleaning, bathrooms and such, ironing... 
Now for not feeding the children, that's altogether different. They truly eat nothing but a yogurt for dinner?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> Interesting that it's frequented more by the less well off, this Aldi is across the street from Whole Foods lol. I don't really eat a whole lot of prepared foods, do they have meats and produce as well?


They do. Appleton Farms bacon and sausage is delicious, the produce is about the same as everyone elses, dairy is cheap and tastes fine. I've had things from Aldi I didn't care for like their frozen pizza so it can be a crap shoot.

But try the bacon. You may be surprised.


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## Cora28 (Apr 30, 2013)

It sounds to me as if your wife is just plain exhausted and could have PPD (post-partum depression). I can relate and I just had twins to care for, let alone 4 kids. Food was the last thing on my mind. It´s also possible that she also feels unattractive and also a milk machine (you say she´s breast feeding) and if she´s on the go at nights too, she´s probably sleep deprived. Im not having a go at you at all, OP, just trying to give you a SAHM´s perspective. I bet she´s daydreaming of life before kids too. It´s hard work being a parent.

I had my H complain to me once about the fact he had no dinner on the table. I´m afraid I got pretty p***ed off with him. Why? Not only was I also working but our main meal is at lunchtime (mediterranean timetable) which I did the shopping and cooking for. He also wanted to eat at 11pm (after the gym) which was way too late for me. I set him straight: I cook the main meal which is lunch, but if you want to eat at 11pm, you get your own dinner. I´ve not heard any more objections. I do make sure there is food in the fridge for him to eat though. Please talk to your wife and see what the situation is. 

My bets are she is is just plain exhausted and maybe needs some help. Book her an appointment with her GP.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I think it shows a lack of appreciation and respect for you and the hours you're working to provide for your family.

When I was a SAHM my H came home to a welcoming home cooked meal every night - which included flowers and candles on the table.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

anja said:


> Yes, i find it passive aggressive for you to wordlessly expect something you perfectly know is not going to happen. Like the wife who expects a gift for xyz occasion every year but her husband never asks and she never mentions it and then she gets mad. Imagine this repeating itself every year. Would you call that husband disrespectful? My guess is you would fault *her* for not making her expectations known. You're setting your wife up for failure and then faulting her for failing.
> Also, seriously, she has some "down time" while the kids are napping? You bet she's not putting up her feet, painting her nails! Some of that household stuffs that miraculously does itself can't be done with them tiny guys around. I'm talking high chemical cleaning, bathrooms and such, ironing...
> Now for not feeding the children, that's altogether different. They truly eat nothing but a yogurt for dinner?



Sorry but equivocating some nebulous imaginary holiday and expectations of being given a gift with daily dinner practices is fallacious. I don't have certainty that it will never happen, as she has made dinner in the past, albeit with more frequency than now. I've let her know in the past to let me know if she's not cooking so that I can bring something home.

Yes, she absolutely has down time, and I'm fine with that. Your assertion implies I do nothing. You couldn't be further from the truth. Every night I pick up everything from the floor, put the chairs on the table and turn on the Roomba I bought her so that at least in the morning she'll have nice clean floors. I make sure to buy plastic utensils and paper plates and bowls so that she doesn't have to do as many dishes. On the weekends, I help out with whatever needs to be done. If you think I come home like a man from a 50s sitcom and act like the lord of the manor you're very mistaken.

My kids' diet is fine. This year the schools all reduced portion size, so they often come home very hungry and they'll eat then. It's not just yogurt, they eat plenty of fresh fruit and other things. They're just not always hungry come dinner time.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Can you imagine what people would say if a wife came on this board and complained that her husband refused to pay the mortgage because he wanted to go away with his buddies...

The fact of the matter is that OP's wife is not doing her job. There is no excuse for it. Period.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Really - it's her job? For pete's sake, it's not the end of the world. Even the OP says it's not about whether she's making dinner or not, it's about the communication that's lacking.

The woman has at least one child under a year old. I don't know if you've spent a lot of time home with kid under a year but typically after 4 p.m. - they turn in to cranky, clingy little beings who hardly let you even use the bathroom never mind prepare dinner.

Ease up folks.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

*Brocklanders*

You indicated that there was a discussion about this with the wife. 

But how did that go? Usually if there is a misunderstanding, a discussion sheds some light on things.

A manipulator generally plays dumb in these situations. Really? Hungry after ten hours of work? People eat dinner? You mean, like every day?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Do they have 'Dream Dinners' near you? I was checking this out the other day. You go there once a week or two weeks, prepare a bunch of homemade dinners with an instructor. They send them home with you in freezer containers - voila, easy dinner AND cooking lessons AND time out of the house and away from kids all in one!
> 
> Just a thought - maybe that's just me projecting what 'I' would like. Sorry!


They call that something different here but we have that in our city. I forgot about that. Even if she didn't love cooking, getting out of the house is great. She might be willing to cook if she could do it all in one fell swoop away from the kids! Might become 'sanity' time!


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> They call that something different here but we have that in our city. I forgot about that. Even if she didn't love cooking, getting out of the house is great. She might be willing to cook if she could do it all in one fell swoop away from the kids! Might become 'sanity' time!


I checked and there's none in this state. Too bad, sounds like a great idea.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> I do pick up take out often from the local italian place, and get food for her as well. The problem is that if I dont explicitly ask if she's pre0ared dinner I sometimes walk into having nothing, so I go back out after I get home and go around the block to get something. I feel that this should be volunteered. I don't care if she didn't cook, just fcking let me know before I get home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





BrockLanders said:


> That's a really good question. I was brought up in a family that always ate dinner together. Her family will sometimes eat dinner together but they can take their plates inside and sit and watch tv at dinner, which in my family would have been taboo. My mother once pulled the tv into the view of dinner, that was during the world series of 1986 where the Mets were in the game.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





BrockLanders said:


> I just did tell her my needs, we'll see what happens.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> *Brocklanders*
> 
> You indicated that there was a discussion about this with the wife.
> 
> ...


It wasn't really a conversation, I didn't ask for an explanation, I just asked her to let me know if she didn't plan on making dinner. She didn't object, but this isn't the first time I've said this. We'll see how she does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

So tonight was a bit of an anomaly. My son had a baseball game and his aunt brought him there, as her son is on the same team and its uard to get to a 6 o clock game from work. I swung home, arrived around 620 and picked up my son (7) and daughter (almost 2). BeforeI left I told her II'd pick her up the salad she likes, share an eggplant parm hero and slices for the boys. She's cool with this, we do it often. So I didn't really get to see if she'd rise to the occasion, but there were exigent things happening that disqualified this as a test case. I'm in a good mood, my son hit some great shots at plate. It's officially t-ball but the rules are pretty ad hoc. The coaches decided to pitch to the kids and gave them 3 shots to hit the ball, after that it went to the tee. In my mind they came up with a perfect hybrid system.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Really - it's her job? For pete's sake, it's not the end of the world. Even the OP says it's not about whether she's making dinner or not, it's about the communication that's lacking.
> 
> The woman has at least one child under a year old. I don't know if you've spent a lot of time home with kid under a year but typically after 4 p.m. - they turn in to cranky, clingy little beings who hardly let you even use the bathroom never mind prepare dinner.
> 
> Ease up folks.


Haha, in this house the zombies come out around 7pm. All the kids are somewhat affected. My daughter is really the light of my life though, when I walk in she runs into my arms. Love it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> All good ideas Blonde, thank you.
> 
> As an aside, how is Aldi? They opened one near me and I was curious about it.


Aldi is a German company. Never been to Germany but it does resemble Yugoslavian groceries. Much much smaller than an American grocery store. They have very good prices (which was important for us as a large family on one income). Good for staples, fruit, and some nice German treats around the holidays- German chocolate, marzipan, pfferneuse, pannetone.

My 25yos tells me that the gentlemen who own the Aldi company are reclusive German billionaires who also own the (more upscale) Trader Joe's chain.

Bring cash, no credit accepted. And you definitely would need to help your wife as you do your own boxing of groceries (too hard with a tribe of little ones in tow). As someone else mentioned, the carts take a quarter which you get back when you return the cart.

Lately, they have some more upscale convenience foods we like. Tonight we had General Tso's Chicken (frozen food) with Oriental stir fry vegetables (frozen food) and brown rice (we buy that by the 50lb bag at our local Amish bulk food store and we have a frequently used rice cooker). I buy their yogurt for my lunches- Greek Yogurt is 89cents, regular is 45cents. Our stores have great and very reasonably priced fresh fruit.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

This has a good description: Is Aldi Just Trader Joe's Without The Marketing Budget? Consumerist


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Blonde said:


> Aldi is a German company. Never been to Germany but it does resemble Yugoslavian groceries. Much much smaller than an American grocery store. They have very good prices (which was important for us as a large family on one income). Good for staples, fruit, and some nice German treats around the holidays- German chocolate, marzipan, pfferneuse, pannetone.
> 
> My 25yos tells me that the gentlemen who own the Aldi company are reclusive German billionaires who also own the (more upscale) Trader Joe's chain.
> 
> ...


Lol, truth be told I've never been to Germany, but I have been to the former Yugoslavia. Two years ago my wife and I went 5o a good friend of mine who got married in Croatia. I loved it, I hired a taxi driver to show us war evidence up in the mountains above Dubrovnik.

As far as the processed stuff at Aldis, I really try to stay away from packaged, processed stuff. I'll check it out but I couldn't buy jarred or canned tomato sauce, my dad's family was from Italy and we've always made our own sauce. I still do, and freeze portions for later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

cool!

We lived in Italy for a year with a side trip to Yugoslavia (before the civil war).
I find some nice European treats at Aldi's (as mentioned above)

Good for you avoiding processed but it does complicate life... Aldi has some really nice frozen veggies- the long tender green beans, asparagus, broccoli florets, and the stir fried veggies. And fresh and frozen fruits. Oh and the cheese is a great price. We use a lot of shredded cheddar and mozarrella. I also buy the frozen ground turkey for 1.39/lb which we use in spaghetti and chili.


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## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

Just unbelievable. I work full time and feel sorry for my boyfriend that I can't cook anything for him. If I stayed home, I would spend all my time thinking about how to please my boyfriend when he comes back home. I would ask him what he wants to eat that evening and look for the recipe on the internet!

It shouldn't be whether she likes cooking or not, but about whether she cares about you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Jackie1607 said:


> Just unbelievable. I work full time and feel sorry for my boyfriend that I can't cook anything for him. If I stayed home, I would spend all my time thinking about how to please my boyfriend when he comes back home. I would ask him what he wants to eat that evening and look for the recipe on the internet!
> 
> It shouldn't be whether she likes cooking or not, but about whether she cares about you.


Come back and tell us how you feel with 4 kids under the age of 8...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Blonde said:


> cool!
> 
> We lived in Italy for a year with a side trip to Yugoslavia (before the civil war).
> I find some nice European treats at Aldi's (as mentioned above)
> ...


I'm pretty good with historical dates generally, so I think the Croats and Serbs fought each other around 1994 or so, when I was a junior in high school. I wanted to think all the peoples of the Balkans had come together, as Croatians told me they went to Bosnia fo4 cigarettes. Truthfully, I told the bartender at the hotel that we went to a Bosnian restaurant and he said, "they probably poisoned you". So much for burying the hatchet.

Where did you live in Italy? My family is from Emiglia Romanga.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Regarding the pressure cooker and her dislike of it.

I recently bought an electric pressure cooker, a Tefal model. The best thing I have ever bought.

I am a bit of a slacko with dinner and the pressure cooker lets me have a delicious casserole cooked from woe to go in less than 30 minutes.

What has helped me to make sure we have something for dinner every night is to make a menu, we have a rotation of 3 menus, the weekly menu is on the fridge and each morning I can look at and get the meat out of the freezer to thaw. Prior to this, we had toast and cheese often because I would forget about dinner until dinner time.

When my kids were little (5 under 9), I often had days where I could not get dinner done, but I did always make sure that we had toast and beans at the least. I do recall once being so overwhelmed the kids had ice-cream for dinner, which they thought was wonderful.

I would concur with the other posters who have suggested you ask her while on the phone if she needs you to pick something up for dinner on the way home.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Thank you for the response. I agree, the pressure cooker is a commercial machine and very easy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has anyone suggested a crock pot?

I use one often. All of the ingredients can go in frozen in the morning. Then put the pot on and there is a hot meal when you get home.

It's about as easy as cooking gets.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I have been thinking about this through the day.

In my past, when I was not the best of wives, I did used to punish my husband by not having dinner for him, especially if he would work late or annoy me somehow. So glad I am not that wife anymore!

I would never suggest this would be the case in your situation Brock, as I don't know the dynamics between you and your wife. It more sound like cooking dinner is not a priority for her and because of her own food issues, she does not see that it might be an issue for you.

And yes, Ele, crock pots are great. I use the crockpot if I have remembered to get meat out the night before and it thaws overnight, or I use the electric pressure cooker if I get meat out in the morning and it thaws through the day. I have not tried throwing frozen meat in the crockpot before, might work well. We eat nearly all one pot meals in our family.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Is your wife getting much sleep? The lack of reasonable thinking about the breast pump is worrying. You mentioned you'd noticed other incidents of magical thinking and seeming out of touch with reality, has severe post natal depression or even psychosis been ruled out? Sleep deprivation cam tip women over the edge into psychosis if they are vulnerable at any time during the first 12 months.

As to the dinner issue, I think yes, you should check with her each day about dinner plans when you call. It's an easy enough thing to do, and it sounds like your wife is struggling.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Disrespectful, inconsiderate, irresponsible, immature, ridiculous, careless, ................call it anything you want.

How can a SAHM not cook a meal for her husband when he gets home?? What kind of wife does that???

Who cares if she likes cooking or not, it's her duty to cook (because she's home all day) just like it would be your duty to cook if you were home all day and your wife worked.
*Whoever is a stay-at-home-partner should have the decency to serve at least a hot-meal for the other working partner*. 

There are things in a marriage/family life that should be done, whether we like them or not. That's called *RESPONSIBILITY *and your wife sucks at it. 
What wife makes her husband go back out to buy things that she should've bought beforehand??

Funny how you call everyday to ask if dinner is ready...How ridiculous is that? 
Dinner being ready should not be questionable! 
(There are times where she could feel tired and not cook. That's the only reasonable way that she should call YOU first to let you know that dinner is not ready so that you can buy something on your way home.)

How the hell she expects you to come home and start cooking or go back out to buy stuff. 
Probably she's suffering from depression so she needs to see a doctor. 

I grew up in a home where mom is a supermom so when I read stories like this it makes me think of double face-palm when one face-palm is not enough!


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

She has four kids under 8 including an 8 month old who she seems to be having to pump milk for, a tedious and time consuming activity.

Less of the "OMG, she's lazy and she sucks!".


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

This thread is interesting because it dovetails the current discussion of what is meant by a woman who has traditional values. Something that is stated, for example in an online dating profile. 

sometimes, traditional in this context is that the woman expects to be a SAHW or M while the husband brings home the bacon.

Many men don't mind this arrangement if they get something out of it. A comfortable home, some errands and other tasks taken care of by the SAHSpouse. 

After all, wouldn't it be nice if when Daddy comes home he can spend quality time with the kids and not start vacuuming the floors and shopping and cooking dinner before he can relax. ant spend all day Saturday running to the cleaners, getting the car washed and picking up items at the post office?

It's threads like these that remind me as to why a lot of men don't want to get married. What's in it for them?


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Right.

I have children with EXACTLY the same age gaps and I am a SAHM. Hubz has worked in a physical job for years, 10 hour days (not including commute.) So I feel I can contribute to this.

This is what we have worked out.

I do a menu plan for the week. Grocery shopping is done according to this. Also I purchase what I call "emergency" foods. So everyone knows what is being made each day.

Some days the kids play up. Some days I spend what seems like all day picking up after them and tidying their mess. Some days I go into the kitchen to start cooking and half an hour later I have gotten nowhere... "Mum!... Mum! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMM!"

Some days I am so exhausted. Some days the only time I sit down until hubz gets back is to drive to and from school. And that includes eating standing up. When you have a baby to breastfeed and you've been waking at night, mid-afternoon onwards, all you want to do is sleep. Then you have the baby who wants to feed when you want to cook with the toddler who attaches themself to your leg as you walk into the kitchen, screaming. Just as the older two start a fight over something upstairs and are shouting you to intervene. It's all good fun.

Sometimes wading through the kids is too much to deal with. It's easier to sit with them and watch TV and call hubz and ask him to pick something up on his way home. Sometimes I throw in a couple of pizzas to cook. Sometimes we have pizza twice a week.

OP... I think you are being PA. Clearly for whatever reason your wife is not up to it. To get dinner, for now, call on your way home. Sort it one way or the other. There. Easy?

THEN deal with the issue. It SOUNDS like she may be struggling and simply needs you to see this. Please send her to the doctors. Take over for now.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

As working patterns have changed and now most mums work (at least part time) dads have had to adapt and take up some of the slack around the house. I quite like being there more for my kids and even though I do not like housework I will pitch in to ensure that we all have at least some free time.

Back in the days when most families could get by on one wage (until the 70’s in the UK) Husbands (in the main) went out to earn a wage and the Wife was a SAHM she would look after the home, raise the children with very little in the way of help from there other half.

As an example of how things have got better for the SAHM when my wife and I had 3 kids under 5 she was a SAHM and would complain to her grandmother that I did not do enough childcare / housework (in my defense I was working two jobs). Her Nan would tell her of how lucky she was (Nan had brought up 4 kids on rationing during the 40’s & 50’s). Nan would remind my wife that back then working class families did not have the labor saving devises that families now take for granted (automatic washers / tumble dryers / dish washer / vacuum cleaners / microwaves etc) and most did not have a fridge let alone a freezer so shopping had to be done almost daily (though not on a Sunday). Husbands would work all day and would not dream of changing a baby / doing housework.

So when I hear of someone who is lucky enough to be a full time SAHM but is unwilling (different if she is truly unable) to cook for her family it makes me sad and even a little angry.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> I
> 
> Where did you live in Italy? My family is from Emiglia Romanga.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We lived in Northern Italy- Padua in 1985.

That you make your own spaghetti sauce got me wondering if your wife may feel her cooking does not meet your standards?


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> As working patterns have changed and now most mums work (at least part time) dads have had to adapt and take up some of the slack around the house. I quite like being there more for my kids and even though I do not like housework I will pitch in to ensure that we all have at least some free time.
> 
> Back in the days when most families could get by on one wage (until the 70’s in the UK) Husbands (in the main) went out to earn a wage and the Wife was a SAHM she would look after the home, raise the children with very little in the way of help from there other half.
> 
> ...


People had servants or their extended family lived nearby so Grandma and aunties would be in to help an overwhelmed young mother.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Blonde said:


> People had servants or their extended family lived nearby so Grandma and aunties would be in to help an overwhelmed young mother.


The culture has changed here since I was a kid, and it hasn't made it easier for anyone. When I was a kid you could lean on neighbors for help and kids at the age of 6 and older roamed around all day until the streetlights came on and it was time for dinner. Everyone is scared of their own shadows now and kids lives are micromanaged by the parents. I don't think you can call this progress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Lyris said:


> Is your wife getting much sleep? The lack of reasonable thinking about the breast pump is worrying. You mentioned you'd noticed other incidents of magical thinking and seeming out of touch with reality, has severe post natal depression or even psychosis been ruled out? Sleep deprivation cam tip women over the edge into psychosis if they are vulnerable at any time during the first 12 months.
> 
> As to the dinner issue, I think yes, you should check with her each day about dinner plans when you call. It's an easy enough thing to do, and it sounds like your wife is struggling.


Sleep is an issue and has been for a long time. I haven't shared this yet but she also suffers from rheumatoid arthritis and she has thus far refused to go on meds, instead she's had children which arrests the symptoms to a degree. The last child is our last, she had tubal ligation. She is going to have to go on a regimen of meds. Her mental state is an issue as well, but getting her to the doctor is really a challenge.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Lyris said:


> She has four kids under 8 including an 8 month old who she seems to be having to pump milk for, a tedious and time consuming activity.
> 
> Less of the "OMG, she's lazy and she sucks!".


It always baffles me that a woman who cannot handle a few kids continues to KEEP HAVING THEM????? Why??? If you cant even cook a meal for your family you shouldnt have had all those kids. 

Its 2013 people, we all know how to use birth control......

:scratchhead:


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

LoriC said:


> It always baffles me that a woman who cannot handle a few kids continues to KEEP HAVING THEM????? Why??? If you cant even cook a meal for your family you shouldnt have had all those kids.
> 
> Its 2013 people, we all know how to use birth control......
> 
> :scratchhead:


The OP had these children too, not just his wife.

Having a young child can be so exhausting. She has 4. 

I currently work part time study part time, cook almost every night and keep the house clean etc. there are still days I feel overwhelmed and my youngest is 6 and the other one s an adult.

Your wife probably just needs you to work with her for a while, and yes it could be a few years until most days run a bit smoother. 

Anyone commenting about how easy it should be, I hope you have tried it first. And even then please realise our experiences are not the same as everyone else's. 

For example my son was unwell and required a few operations very young, he seemed to always be sick until he was 2 years old and then I was very very unwell until he was 3.5. Those years were very difficult. 

Some empathy would not go astray.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

LoriC said:


> It always baffles me that a woman who cannot handle a few kids continues to KEEP HAVING THEM????? Why??? If you cant even cook a meal for your family you shouldnt have had all those kids.
> 
> Its 2013 people, we all know how to use birth control......
> 
> :scratchhead:


This was an issue before having child #3. She desperately wanted another kid, I told her that she couldn't handle the two. She eventually wore me down and promised all kinds of things and we had my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy having had her, she's adorable and wants to be at my side all the time. Son #4 was an oopsie, we were basically doing the rhythm method and yeah, it didn't work so well.

She used to use birth control, even almost being abusive of them in that she never took the placebo pills so that she never got her period. She refused to take them in recent years saying that they were going to make her fat. Her weight is an obsession. Despite her rheumatoid arthritis she manages to do Zumba for an hour plus working out on the treadmill.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> This was an issue before having child #3. She desperately wanted another kid, I told her that she couldn't handle the two. She eventually wore me down and promised all kinds of things and we had my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy having had her, she's adorable and wants to be at my side all the time. Son #4 was an oopsie, we were basically doing the rhythm method and yeah, it didn't work so well.
> 
> She used to use birth control, even almost being abusive of them in that she never took the placebo pills so that she never got her period. She refused to take them in recent years saying that they were going to make her fat. Her weight is an obsession. Despite her rheumatoid arthritis she manages to do Zumba for an hour plus working out on the treadmill.


Zumba and an hour on the treadmill........ And still cant find time to cook. Interesting. What do all you supporters of the "Overwhelmed Mommy" have to say to this?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Bellavista said:


> Regarding the pressure cooker and her dislike of it.
> 
> I recently bought an electric pressure cooker, a Tefal model. The best thing I have ever bought.
> 
> ...


Isn't the pressure cooker great? What you can get done in 45 minutes is simply amazing. As an added benefit, the vitamins and minerals are retained better by pressure cooking versus the crock pot.

LOL re: the ice cream thing. My five year old is a bean pole and I can remember making him a milkshake and literally forcing him to finish it for the caloric benefit.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

LoriC said:


> Zumba and an hour on the treadmill........ And still cant find time to cook. Interesting. What do all you supporters of the "Overwhelmed Mommy" have to say to this?


Lori - these are activities to help keep the joints moving - think of it as therapy.

Please reread his original complaints. It's more about the communication. 

She wasn't raised by the supermoms that some of you were and dinnertime wasn't such a formality.

I think a little less judgment and a little more problem solving would be helpful.

It doesn't sound like he's really made it clear how important this ONE thing is to HIM - communicating about whether she has made dinner or has not so that he can make arrangements. He wasn't so upset that she wasn't cooking dinner but that she didn't tell him. 

I'd love to say that if I were a SAHM, I'd have a spotless home and a fabulous dinner on the table every night but judging from what happens on the weekend when I 'AM' home, I know that isn't the case and I only have ONE small child to tend.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Lori - these are activities to help keep the joints moving - think of it as therapy.
> 
> Please reread his original complaints. It's more about the communication.
> 
> ...


That sums it up nicely. I don't mind my wife working out one bit, sometimes I watch her do Zumba and feel like my eyes are fcuking her to be perfectly honest. My daughter gets a kick out of it and it keeps her occupied, as she dances along too.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> Lori - these are activities to help keep the joints moving - think of it as therapy.
> 
> Please reread his original complaints. It's more about the communication.
> 
> ...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Well, let's hope you two stop now. I come from a big family and all I remember was being shouted down that my parents had so much to do, they couldn't do better. That included getting me to and picking me up on time to activities. Sometimes I would be hanging around for an hour or me. and in not so safe situations. 

I also recall someone saying that her parents had been to so many graduations before,they couldn't be bothered attending hers. Some people laugh it off, we'll never know how serious it was to any individual.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I'm glad that you're able to do all that so successfully.

Many of us aren't quite that 'together'. I don't find it helpful when moms become so judgmental of what they 'should' or 'shouldn't' be doing. 

I can honestly say that I'm lucky to get dinner on the table for us 3 nights a week with ONE small child. I expect hubby to help with that task or be willing to pick something up. 

It's interesting that her husband can appreciate that the physical activity that she's doing is to help her RA. Maybe you have been lucky enough that neither you or your loved ones have had RA - the exercising of the joints isn't a WANT. If you don't do some type of exercise DAILY, they start to lock up, swell and make it where you're UNABLE TO MOVE. So, even the activities she needs to do, like chase 4 kids all day, would become impossible.

I'll stop threadjacking about the RA but if you can again understand his complaint wasn't that she was a bad SAHM or that she wasn't Donna Freakin Reed but that it p'd him off she wouldn't mention there was no dinner and then he had to scramble to arrange it.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

My message got stuck in the middle of the post I quoted, so here it is:

Bottom line: she makes time for what she WANTS to make time for. Dont we all? 

I just dont have the sympathy that everyone else does for her. I am a full time working mom that FINDS time to get dinner on the table. The excuses wouldnt cut it for me.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I saw it - it still sounds self-righteous and snotty. 

Exercise isn't a WANT for RA, it's a NEED. If you don't move your joints, they start swelling more and locking up. If you don't keep your weight down, it puts pressure on the joints and causes MORE pain. You're never without pain if you have RA, it's just varying degrees.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> I saw it - it still sounds self-righteous and snotty.
> 
> Exercise isn't a WANT for RA, it's a NEED. If you don't move your joints, they start swelling more and locking up. If you don't keep your weight down, it puts pressure on the joints and causes MORE pain. You're never without pain if you have RA, it's just varying degrees.



Bottom line: she makes time for what she WANTS to make time for.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

LoriC said:


> Bottom line: she makes time for what she WANTS to make time for.


Lori you are right, she does do this in general. On top of that I am generally a giving person, I will try my best to make sure she has everything she wants and needs. My entire issue about dinner is pretty much about reciprocity. I could cook myself dinner if need be but I feel that I'm holding out for a piece of gratitude.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> Lori you are right, she does do this in general. On top of that I am generally a giving person, I will try my best to make sure she has everything she wants and needs. My entire issue about dinner is pretty much about reciprocity. I could cook myself dinner if need be but I feel that I'm holding out for a piece of gratitude.


Let me throw this out there. A woman should be taking care of herself and then her family. It isnt just about you, cooking is caring for the family. Not even cooking, making sure everyone is eating is caring for the family. She is choosing NOT to do this. I dont see why her RA is even relevant here. She can change diapers, care for the kids, do Zumba.... She can make sure there is a meal for the family. Everyone is forgetting she is a SAHM....... Moms that work outside the home do it, why cant she?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

LoriC said:


> Let me throw this out there. A woman should be taking care of herself and then her family. It isnt just about you, cooking is caring for the family. Not even cooking, making sure everyone is eating is caring for the family. She is choosing NOT to do this. I dont see why her RA is even relevant here. She can change diapers, care for the kids, do Zumba.... She can make sure there is a meal for the family. Everyone is forgetting she is a SAHM....... Moms that work outside the home do it, why cant she?


We'll see how it goes Lori. I let her know my position on this the other day.

The RA is relevant to a degree in that it sometimes keeps her awake at night, but it doesn't paralyze her mouth. She can tell me she's tired and ask me to pick something up on the way home. At this point now that I've communicated my position about all of this, if she continues to repeat this behavior it's almost certainly a malicious act.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Don't know if I'd classify it as "disrespectful". I'd call it "lazy". Some people are content to be as sorry as they are allowed to be. If I ever get married again, there's going to be a comprehensive cooking exam. I may have to go to Costa Rica and pull one out of a tree, but I'll find a woman that cooks.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

LoriC said:


> Let me throw this out there. A woman should be taking care of herself and then her family. It isnt just about you, cooking is caring for the family. Not even cooking, making sure everyone is eating is caring for the family. She is choosing NOT to do this. I dont see why her RA is even relevant here. She can change diapers, care for the kids, do Zumba.... She can make sure there is a meal for the family. Everyone is forgetting she is a SAHM....... *Moms that work outside the home do it, why cant she?*


don't single moms lose their kids for not feeding them?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Don't know if I'd classify it as "disrespectful". I'd call it "lazy". Some people are content to be as sorry as they are allowed to be. If I ever get married again, there's going to be a comprehensive cooking exam. I may have to go to Costa Rica and pull one out of a tree, but I'll find a woman that cooks.


That's a great idea for a thread, a test for prospective wives/husbands and how you would design it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Don't know if I'd classify it as "disrespectful". I'd call it "lazy". Some people are content to be as sorry as they are allowed to be. If I ever get married again, there's going to be a comprehensive cooking exam. I may have to go to Costa Rica and pull one out of a tree, but I'll find a woman that cooks.


He's not even asking for her to cook dinner though. He's just asking her to be considerate enough to let him know before he comes home that he needs to pick something up, so he doesn't come home and then have to turn around and go get something.

C


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife hasn't worked outside the home in over two years. We have no children still at home. I work two jobs. Still, if a murder is committed in our kitchen, I'm going to prison because only my fingerprints will be found there. Going all the way back to Adam, I guess mine is the first generation of males to ever meet an adult woman who couldn't or wouldn't cook.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> My wife hasn't worked outside the home in over two years. We have no children still at home. I work two jobs. Still, if a murder is committed in our kitchen, I'm going to prison because only my fingerprints will be found there. Going all the way back to Adam, I guess mine is the first generation of males to ever meet an adult woman who couldn't or wouldn't cook.


I think as a result of women entering the workplace and feminism women don't teach their daughters how to run a household. What should have happened is that parents should have taught all children, regardless of gender, domestic responsibility. Parents should make sure that their children know how to cook and clean before they leave the house.


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Ok, here we go...please note that me and hubby both work full time and have NO kids..by choice...ok...here goes...

You mentioned the following:

She has "issues" with food
She eats "in the middle of the night"
She is "obsessed" with her weight
She makes time for Zumba...

All those together sounds like she has major food/self-esteem issues...I hope I'm wrong, but is she purging in the middle of the night? Is she not cooking because she can't control herself around food?

Again, I hope I'm wrong....but I had a family member with the same issue.....

And hats off to ANYONE that can stay home with small people...ALL DAY LONG....YOU ALL ROCK! :smthumbup:


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> Ok, here we go...please note that me and hubby both work full time and have NO kids..by choice...ok...here goes...
> 
> You mentioned the following:
> 
> ...


Definitely not purging in the middle of the night. She's terrified of vomiting, when she's been sick in the past she can't even manage to vomit into the toilet bowl, she just stands there, freezes and vomits.

Gross, TMI, etc. lol

She has food issues but it's not a full on disorder. The short of it is that her family eats a ton of processed junk and she blew up in her teenage years. She took the weight off around turning 20 or so, but it's still a source of trauma for her. She often can't sleep and watches TV in the middle of the night. The eating is likely out of boredom.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

notperfectanymore said:


> Ok, here we go...please note that me and hubby both work full time and have NO kids..by choice...ok...here goes...
> 
> You mentioned the following:
> 
> ...


Again, he's not asking for her to cook. He's asking for her to have the consideration to let him know when he calls to see if she needs something that he needs to bring something home. Seems like a simple thing... "Honey, do you need me to get anything?" "Yes dear. Can you pick up dinner on the way home?" Problem solved!

C


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

PBear said:


> Again, he's not asking for her to cook. He's asking for her to have the consideration to let him know when he calls to see if she needs something that he needs to bring something home. Seems like a simple thing... "Honey, do you need me to get anything?" "Yes dear. Can you pick up dinner on the way home?" Problem solved!
> 
> C


But if she has "food issues" even being around it or talk about it will be an issue for her (as it was with my family member).

I said my peace...gonna step out of this thread now as I have NO IDEA how ANYONE can stay home with children all day and still function 

Hope things work out for you OP.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

LoriC said:


> Zumba and an hour on the treadmill........ And still cant find time to cook. Interesting. What do all you supporters of the "Overwhelmed Mommy" have to say to this?


I'm glad she finds an hour to invest in herself. I think it's healthy and I'm glad to hear it.

I doubt that her husband would be happier if she cooked delicious restaurant style full course meals from scratch daily, didn't exercise, and was 50lb overweight.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Blonde said:


> I'm glad she finds an hour to invest in herself. I think it's healthy and I'm glad to hear it.
> 
> I doubt that her husband would be happier if she cooked delicious restaurant style full course meals from scratch daily, didn't exercise, and was 50lb overweight.


Yes, apparently many of us should be ashamed for taking time for ourselves at all on a regular basis. :rofl:


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> Sometimes after I come home there's simply no dinner to be had. I often cook large portions of meals so that we have something to eat for the week, but for me cooking is a labor of love, for my wife it's a chore. I don't care if she didn't cook, I'll pick something up if she says we don't have anything to make. However, sometimes I come home and there is nada. Full disclosure, she is a SAHM and I work 50 hours with a grueling commute. My thoughts are that if theres no dinner she should at least tell me. When she used to work weekend mornings I always had lunch prepared for her, without fail.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In what way would it be _disrespectful _not to prepare a meal? Annoying or irritating, sure, but disrespectful? Evidently, you like to cook, she does not. Either agree to eat out, or bring something home, or have some items that are easy to prepare in your home.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You work 50 hours a week? She works 168 hours a week. 
I'm not going to argue with you about who had it worse but I am VERY concerned about her mental state. 
She has some symptoms of post partum psychosis. This is nothing to mess with. 
A post partum woman should be sleeping any chance she gets. Please please get her help ASAP.


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

I do pick up take out often from the local italian place, and get food for her as well. The problem is that if I dont explicitly ask if she's pre0ared dinner I sometimes walk into having nothing, so I go back out after I get home and go around the block to get something. I feel that this should be volunteered. I don't care if she didn't cook, just fcking let me know before I get home.


That's BS right there. I truly delight in the fact that when hubby is home (he's away overseas a lot), I enjoy cooking for him, and LOVE it when he asks for more  I LOVE taking care of his needs, our family's needs!! but do enjoy it if surprised with dinner brought home. 

I wouldn't go back out after coming home from work, I'd make a sandwich and eat it in front of her!! Just my thought lol


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

Maybe try getting some decent cookbooks? Jacque Pepin's "Fast Food My Way" and Mark Bittman's "How to Cook Everything" would be a good start.

The Barefoot Contessa aka Ina Garten has some great recipes as well - I love her bolognese pasta and her meatloaf is fantastic...they are also very easy to make.

Pick a recipe and do it on the weekend for starters. Some people will cook 3x what they need (which isn't that much more work) and freeze the extra for later.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> You work 50 hours a week? She works 168 hours a week.
> I'm not going to argue with you about who had it worse but I am VERY concerned about her mental state.
> She has some symptoms of post partum psychosis. This is nothing to mess with.
> A post partum woman should be sleeping any chance she gets. Please please get her help ASAP.


Your wife really needs help immediately. I'd put off the food stuff till she's healthier.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> Yes, apparently many of us should be ashamed for taking time for ourselves at all on a regular basis. :rofl:


Everyone should take time to take care of themselves, it is only then they can care for their family. However, she is caring for herself and not caring for the family and that is the problem here.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Well it never ends, wife suddenly has cellulitis. It's a bad case, she might have to go to the hospital for IV antibiotics if the oral ones she given don't improve it in 24 hours.

I just went shopping for food, we were low and thr Dr really hammered home to eat while taking them. Fridge was pretty empty so I cleaned it, filled it and have beef stew cooking in the pressure cooker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Not good - hoping for a good recovery. That's pretty painful.

It really sounds like she has some overall immune system issues (RA, Cellulitis). Hopefully, she can get some relief soon.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Did you see what I said about psychosis? 
Sometimes women with that hear voices telling them to kill their kids. And they do. 
Please for the sake of your children get her help now.


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## bell (Jul 10, 2011)

Do you like her cooking? Is there a favorite dish you both agree on having that she can make? Does she usually have a way and money to get groceries often? Is she lazy or doesn't know how at all?

see I am a SAHM also, and work weekends and some evenings. I do all the cooking/preparing meals. I wish my husband would cook. He will BBQ and throw a pizza in the oven or make occasional instant Mac n cz. He works a 50 hr day. But I usually get nothing when I get home also (like you) it kinda sucks bc I just want him to be considerate also. Don't get me wrong, sometimes he does happen to have something around. 

Actually you know this gets me thinking...I have never brought it up to him that I would like a meal prepared when I get home so I don't have to pick up fast food after closing at work or look for something in the house to make myself.

These things should be communicated, expressed in a nice way. " hey babe, I really like the ---that you make, can u prepare that for dinner?" 

Maybe start establishing taking turns preparing dinner or cook together give her "lessons," have her help you make dinner.

I don't know how often you go to the grocery store or what you always buy...but when we go, or one of us goes I always make a list and ask members of the family for dinner ideas and plan meals and snacks.

If there's no time to make anything or we are low on supplies for a full blown course then that's different. But we usually mention it and sort it out on the way home or after arrival. I don't like cooking and cleaning all the time but I have 2 small kids to feed also. 

Does she not eat? Eat all day with the kids? For certain you need to text her or call her yourself on your way home and ask, or like I mentioned plan ahead. 

Sorry if I'm rambling but its dinner time and I can relate to this.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Did you see what I said about psychosis?
> Sometimes women with that hear voices telling them to kill their kids. And they do.
> Please for the sake of your children get her help now.


Yeah I already said that a few days ago to her. She concedes that she could probably use meds but she's not interested in talking to someone. She also won't take the mede while breastfeeding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

bell said:


> Do you like her cooking? Is there a favorite dish you both agree on having that she can make? Does she usually have a way and money to get groceries often? Is she lazy or doesn't know how at all?
> 
> see I am a SAHM also, and work weekends and some evenings. I do all the cooking/preparing meals. I wish my husband would cook. He will BBQ and throw a pizza in the oven or make occasional instant Mac n cz. He works a 50 hr day. But I usually get nothing when I get home also (like you) it kinda sucks bc I just want him to be considerate also. Don't get me wrong, sometimes he does happen to have something around.
> 
> ...


I think this is a common theme. We have expectations/wants that we don't voice and yet expect them to be met.

I know I'm guilty of it on more than one issue.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

bell said:


> Do you like her cooking? Is there a favorite dish you both agree on having that she can make? Does she usually have a way and money to get groceries often? Is she lazy or doesn't know how at all?
> 
> see I am a SAHM also, and work weekends and some evenings. I do all the cooking/preparing meals. I wish my husband would cook. He will BBQ and throw a pizza in the oven or make occasional instant Mac n cz. He works a 50 hr day. But I usually get nothing when I get home also (like you) it kinda sucks bc I just want him to be considerate also. Don't get me wrong, sometimes he does happen to have something around.
> 
> ...


Her food isn't bad at all. She makes these puerto rican style pork chops that her mom makes too. Lots of garlic! I said before that I'm a crappy teacher, and I pretty much make everything ad hoc with no recipes. She finds recipes on the internet usually and she'll follow them to the t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> Yeah I already said that a few days ago to her. She concedes that she could probably use meds but she's not interested in talking to someone. She also won't take the mede while breastfeeding.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So what are you going to do to keep your kids safe?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> So what are you going to do to keep your kids safe?


I don't sense any impending danger, but I do have several cameras around that we both use to observe the children while we're not watching them in person. It's a home brewed system mostly (I'm an IT guy). I sometimes watch them from work but I don't think 24/7 surveillance is warranted by any measure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

If she's having such altered thinking and she admitted to you that she has issues something is wrong.
I think you are really minimizing this. 
It is bizarre for her to be awake at night. It's bizarre that she eats at odd times and says food is boring. 
If I were you I would go talk to a psychiatrist myself and get a professional opinion about the danger of this. 
The less sleep she gets the worse it is going to get. ....w
.....












http://www.postpartum.net/Get-the-Facts/Postpartum-Psychosis.aspx


""Of the women who develop a postpartum psychosis, there is a 5% infanticide or suicide rate associated with the illness. This is because the woman experiencing psychosis is experiencing a break from reality. In her psychotic state, the delusions and beliefs make sense to her; they feel very meaningful and are often religious. Immediate treatment for these women is imperative."


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

http://www.postpartum.net/Get-the-Facts/Postpartum-Psychosis.aspx

Please is it worth it


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> If she's having such altered thinking and she admitted to you that she has issues something is wrong.
> I think you are really minimizing this.
> It is bizarre for her to be awake at night. It's bizarre that she eats at odd times and says food is boring.
> If I were you I would go talk to a psychiatrist myself and get a professional opinion about the danger of this.
> ...


The thing is that some of this preexists the birth. She's never been the most logical person in the world.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iBolt (Aug 28, 2012)

BL. I would totally second what diwali is saying.

My ex-wife had a huge psychotic episode when pregnant with our third child.It was one of the scariest moments of my life. Turned out that there was an undercurrent of mental health problems all along (I just did not take the signs seriously enough)

Anyways, from experience, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ANY CHANCES HERE. I am sure that your W is fine but do take the necessary precautions and have her go for an assessment of some kind. Sleep deprivation is a major presentation when someone is having a breakdown. The mind is racing, probably due to hallucinations that could range from very moderate to severe. If indeed there is hallucinations and it goes unchecked, it may get worse. 

Having been a single dad to 3 kids all under 8 yrs old while running a business as well, I can tell those sniggering at the hardwork that is childcare - you give it a try. Kids (I really love kids) but they're unrelenting. YOu must have your wits about you constantly otherwise you'll explode. I doubt your wife is in a position right now to care for the family as you may wish. I think, in hindsight, I did not appreciate what my ex was going through with her mental health as a backdrop.

For you, and quite understandably, it is about courtesy and respect. I meant for a SAHM what's the big deal about cookinig for the family or at least calling to say grab a takeout on the way home. However, for her, I bet that's some huge thing on top of everything else because of all the other health problems she has.

I can only support what some on here have said, you will do well to be patient with her and help her get to a better health position before demanding more from her. This will no doubt place more burdens on you but you sound like a guy that has his stuff together. 

I would strongly recommend you try helping her get assessed.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> My wife hasn't worked outside the home in over two years. We have no children still at home. I work two jobs. Still, if a murder is committed in our kitchen, I'm going to prison because only my fingerprints will be found there. Going all the way back to Adam, I guess mine is the first generation of males to ever meet an adult woman who couldn't or wouldn't cook.


HEY! 

A lot of us cook, bake, preserve, brew, ferment, sprout.... I teach preserving and cheese making classes and they are always booked out in advance. All the foodie/cooking type shows in TV have made home cooking, baking, homesteading quite trendy. Maybe this will come full circle.

I even own an apron... albeit a sexy wee number 


Why do you work 2 jobs and your wife none? 
Aren't you a bit long in the tooth for 2 jobs... no offence.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

There are two times Ive struck a female in my life. The first was when I was 12 or so and a girl kicked me in the balls, it was instinctual. I fired back with an uppercut and she cried and I apologigized. The second time was when my wife now, not then, started punching her stomach in reaction to an argument we were having. Mind you, this is while my first was in her womb. I delivered a backhanded slap, as well as a forehanded one. I haven't laid a hand on her since. I don't think we've ever spoken of this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

She needs to be seen. Think of it this way. She already tried to punch your unborn child. Now she is showing major signs of psychosis. 
I'm not a professional but I have a degree is psych and I worked in a mental hospital for nine months full time. 
I'm telling you, this is serious. 
Are you close to her family? You need to get a support system. This is like when someone has an affair, you have to risk losing them to get them back. That means exposing her illness to her doctor, her family and your friends. And yes if it comes to it you might have to have her involuntarily admitted. And she will hate you until her meds kick in and then she won't be able to believe that she was acting like this. 
Dinner is the least of your worries my friend. I'm sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> She needs to be seen. Think of it this way. She already tried to punch your unborn child. Now she is showing major signs of psychosis.
> I'm not a professional but I have a degree is psych and I worked in a mental hospital for nine months full time.
> I'm telling you, this is serious.
> Are you close to her family? You need to get a support system. This is like when someone has an affair, you have to risk losing them to get them back. That means exposing her illness to her doctor, her family and your friends. And yes if it comes to it you might have to have her involuntarily admitted. And she will hate you until her meds kick in and then she won't be able to believe that she was acting like this.
> ...


Do you really think it's that serious? Honestly she's asleep right now snuggling my newborn. I can't imagine her harming our children, we both love them so much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iBolt (Aug 28, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> She needs to be seen. Think of it this way. She already tried to punch your unborn child. Now she is showing major signs of psychosis.
> I'm not a professional but I have a degree is psych and I worked in a mental hospital for nine months full time.
> I'm telling you, this is serious.
> Are you close to her family? You need to get a support system. This is like when someone has an affair, you have to risk losing them to get them back. That means exposing her illness to her doctor, her family and your friends. And yes if it comes to it you might have to have her involuntarily admitted. And she will hate you until her meds kick in and then she won't be able to believe that she was acting like this.
> ...


+1

BL.Now that is a most distressing thing to read.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

BrockLanders said:


> The second time was when my wife now, not then, started punching her stomach in reaction to an argument we were having. Mind you, this is while my first was in her womb. I delivered a backhanded slap, as well as a forehanded one. I haven't laid a hand on her since. I don't think we've ever spoken of this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is really scary stuff... makes the dinner issue seem very unimportant... it may all be related but i would far more concerned about her mental health in general than this one issue. 

I wish you the best with this... I do hope you get her assessed by a qualified professional.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Thatvwas nearly 7 years ago, I can't hold her to the same metrics that I am this many years later. She's sleeping right now. How can waking her up and having her comitted possibly help?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iBolt (Aug 28, 2012)

BL. You need to take precautions and take steps to safeguard your kids. If on average about 1 in 4 have some kind of mental health problem or the other, you'll know that even boss or the dude that serves you when you buy your take out may habe a mental health problem. It when things kick off that it becomes scary. 

Given what you have said, I strongly urge that you don't rationalise or downplay this. Get her checked out. Will she be amenable to an assessment? Are afraid of what you might find out? What have you to lose?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

BrockLanders said:


> How can we aking her up and having her comitted possibly help?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No one is suggesting that at all.

But you have told us a lot of things lately that indicate she is not thinking clearly and for any woman to punch her own (pregnant) stomach..well I'm sorry I've never heard of such a thing from a rational person.

I'm glad she is coping at today... but do you think everything is fine...really


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## iBolt (Aug 28, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> Thatvwas nearly 7 years ago, I can't hold her to the same metrics that I am this many years later. She's sleeping right now. How can waking her up and having her comitted possibly help?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It doesn't have to be resolved right now while she's sleeping. Perhaps you could find a good time to raise the subject with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

iBolt said:


> BL. You need to take precautions and take steps to safeguard your kids. If on average about 1 in 4 have some kind of mental health problem or the other, you'll know that even boss or the dude that serves you when you buy your take out may habe a mental health problem. It when things kick off that it becomes scary.
> 
> Given what you have said, I strongly urge that you don't rationalise or downplay this. Get her checked out. Will she be amenable to an assessment? Are afraid of what you might find out? What have you to lose?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess to lose I have anything a person would say in this situation. The lack of personal control would be an issue. Her family is going to be an issue as well. Her mother has no job but is basically a professional amateur lawyer who lives for things like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

iBolt said:


> It doesn't have to be resolved right now while she's sleeping. Perhaps you could find a good time to raise the subject with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fvuk it's gonna be nuts. I've put this off for 7 years. It has to be done though. I've alluded to how things were done, theres never been an accounting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Does her mom know that she tried to punch her unborn child? 
And yes that is relevant 7 or 45 years later. Some people are drastically affected by pregnancy and breast feeding hormones. 
What about your family? Are they there for you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

I would rather choose not to involve my family. They're far too judgemental.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> She needs to be seen. Think of it this way. She already tried to punch your unborn child. Now she is showing major signs of psychosis.
> I'm not a professional but I have a degree is psych and I worked in a mental hospital for nine months full time.
> I'm telling you, this is serious.
> Are you close to her family? You need to get a support system. This is like when someone has an affair, you have to risk losing them to get them back. That means exposing her illness to her doctor, her family and your friends. And yes if it comes to it you might have to have her involuntarily admitted. And she will hate you until her meds kick in and then she won't be able to believe that she was acting like this.
> ...


Honestly her family will make excuses for her. They will say she's eccentric. I don't see her acting the way she does without abuse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

PBear said:


> Come back and tell us how you feel with 4 kids under the age of 8...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My mother had three kids and a job, yet cooked for the entire family. She would never use frozen food or microwavable food because such a thing didn't exist at that time. My grandmother had 10 children and ran her own business and still cooked. My grandma would slap the mother's face if she makes an excuse for not cooking because she has kids.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

BrockLanders said:


> The kids are starving when they come home, thanks to new federal rules. They often eat yogurt and cereal and arent very hungry when I get home, around 730 pm. My wife is weird with food, she eats in the middle of the night half the time. I want a proper meal before I go to bed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was going to say, she probably has food issues. Most people with a healthy relationship with food realize that they are going to need to eat as a result of being human, and plan ahead to take care of that simple basic need. People with food issues try to play the system, they skip meals to try to lose weight or whatever, then eat off schedule etc. 

It's more of a general attitude towards having issues with taking care of the obvious basic life supports that a human being has. Does she take care of her hygiene, hair and other necessities irregularly as well? Bill paying and housekeeping etc. If that is irregular then you're dealing with someone who is just unaccepting of the fact that their psyche is attached to a physical being that needs to exist in the world. 

My kids are brilliant, high iq's...and as a family we take care to address the basics of being alive, and on a regular basis so that it becomes a habit, not even something you would think about not doing, or doing too far off schedule. After that, brains are free to wander. lol.

I'm not sure why some people feel the need to re-invent human behavior, after it took so long to evolve this way...circadian rhythm, spacing of meals, voiding...but the fact remains that they do. 

Also, some people feel that meals need to have a lot of variety, and they're overwhelmed by the need to be creative. Maybe assuring her that regularity is the big thing, and that variety can be a side dish in a small prepared package, like a bean salad, etc. from the deli...

It's difficult for someone who likes to be on a regular schedule, to be with someone who just does not care. 
And there may be things you don't know, like if she's binging during the day....or something like that.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

You don't need to have her committed necessarily, but she needs to see a doctor who is experienced in mental health issues.

There are anti-depressives and anti-psychotics you can take while breastfeeding. I have several friends who have needed medications, one serious anti psychotics, and they all continued breastfeeding. The La Leche League will have information about safe medications. 

So far you have mentioned your wife
-has issues around food
-has trouble sleeping
-has an ongoing, painful chronic illness
-has difficulty with organising basic things
-is experiencing some breaks with reality
-punished herself/your unborn baby when she was very distressed
-is "eccentric".

Seriously, I'm pretty amazed that what you're worried about is whether she's being disrespectful by not cooking for you. 

If she's under medical care now, for the cellulitis, it's a good time to bring up the other issues with her doctor. And if she won't, you need to.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Thanks all who posted. The antibiotics seem to be doing their job. The fever has gone away and she actually got some decent sleep last night. Her mood is actually pretty good. I'm going to take advantage of her positive mood by suggesting she talk to the doctor about other issues when she goes to her follow up appointment this afternoon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

That's great. I would suggest you call and speak to the dr or nurse about what you are seeing and ask them not to tell her.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Lyris said:


> If she's under medical care now, for the cellulitis, it's a good time to bring up the other issues with her doctor. And if she won't, you need to.


^^I was going to say the same thing. You can express to the doc that you are worried about her and give a list of the symptoms Lyris listed.

A gentle, compassionate, supportive approach is important here. Your words such as "there's never been an accounting" and "her family will make excuses" as well as your premise that she wasn't cooking because of disrespect worries me. Coming across as rejecting or angry over postpartum psychosis could backfire and make her less willing to get appropriate treatment.

JFTR I think you are in a very demanding season which stretches even the strongest among us and things will improve. Hang on BL.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I wouldn't even use the word psychosis to her and her dr might not either. But if she is having breaks with reality she isn't in a position to give accurate report to her dr.


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## iBolt (Aug 28, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

She didn't broach any of the mental health stuff with the GP. I did though sit down with her and have a heart to heart. It was nice. She's going to see someone. I on the other hand really got to see hoe the other half lives today, I sorta took the day, took care of the kids while doing some light household duties and watching the kids. Around 730 I said wtf! Where's dinner? I'd planned on cooking some chicken thighs, but honestly I didn't want the mess. I ran to the deli and picked up some cold cuts, and some onion rolls. We all had sandwiches and an ersatz salad of cucumber avocado and red onion. I'm living the other half, no doubt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I was going to ask you how long you have been alone with the kids by yourself before. 
I thought I was going to make dinner every night. Cooking requires constant attention. Which is impossible when you have an active child who is hanging on you and needs something every two minutes. And I just had one.


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

Well I would make it very clear to her that if she does not like to, cannot, or does not want to cook or whatever be the case, even if you do see it as a labor of love, then the least she can do is tell you if you need to bring something home for supper.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

We have it figured out, it just takes opening your mouth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I'm really glad she's going to see someone. Well done for broaching the subject.


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

Good for you two and Good luck.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Tonight's dinner was good, orzo salad, corn on the cob, barbequed chicken wings and a nice baguette.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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