# Is she cheating?



## Ahendrix (Mar 16, 2021)

So my wife is military, and in the military you sometimes get “voluntold” to do something. She introduced me to her whole shop when we first got to this base. We went to many shop parties and everybody was there. Even people from the other shifts.
I got a new job, with new hours, and in the same period of time. She was told she has to give rides to a new guy. He didn’t have a car. So I’m like okay. How long, and she said about a week. Well I was in the period of transitioning between jobs. So I took them both to work. For about a week. Then the next week rolls on and it’s the same thing, but I get it. It’s only two weeks. So I begin my new jobs and she starts taking him to work. And all of a sudden she’s given a new task and isn’t getting home or is going in 45 minutes late or early. No big deal, she’s a rising super star at work, of course she’s going to be doing more. 
However when I got curious one day, and pressed about who this guy was. He had been there from before when we got there. Which we got here 8 months ago. So I wondered why all of a sudden she had to take him. We never had to take him before. Plus I found out they had always been on the same shift.
So I’m trying to be optimistic, because this. woman has done the same when I was going through it. But then I tell her Im not comfortable with this anymore, and it’s the 2nd time I’ve said it. And she just randomly text the kid and says she can’t take him. But she was told by her leadership to do it. In the military you can’t just drop something your leadership says to do.
So does anybody have any insight..


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Ahendrix said:


> So my wife is military, and in the military you sometimes get “voluntold” to do something. She introduced me to her whole shop when we first got to this base. We went to many shop parties and everybody was there. Even people from the other shifts.
> I got a new job, with new hours, and in the same period of time. She was told she has to give rides to a new guy. He didn’t have a car. So I’m like okay. How long, and she said about a week. Well I was in the period of transitioning between jobs. So I took them both to work. For about a week. Then the next week rolls on and it’s the same thing, but I get it. It’s only two weeks. So I begin my new jobs and she starts taking him to work. And all of a sudden she’s given a new task and isn’t getting home or is going in 45 minutes late or early. No big deal, she’s a rising super star at work, of course she’s going to be doing more.
> However when I got curious one day, and pressed about who this guy was. He had been there from before when we got there. Which we got here 8 months ago. So I wondered why all of a sudden she had to take him. We never had to take him before. Plus I found out they had always been on the same shift.
> So I’m trying to be optimistic, because this. woman has done the same when I was going through it. But then I tell her Im not comfortable with this anymore, and it’s the 2nd time I’ve said it. And she just randomly text the kid and says she can’t take him. But she was told by her leadership to do it. In the military you can’t just drop something your leadership says to do.
> So does anybody have any insight..


Does not pass my smell test.


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## Ahendrix (Mar 16, 2021)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Does not pass my smell test.


 what do you mean


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

common sense. You are trying to paint a picture you desire. She is gaslighting you.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

@ConanHub chime in here.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

What's her job? What's his?

Can you ask her CO about the apparent order?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

For one thing. She would never be told to give someone a ride. They can ask and she could refuse. If she told you that she was ordered to, it an out right lie.

Second thing. Trust your gut. They have been working together for 8 months now, why did she all of a sudden need to give him a ride. Then the early mornings and late nights start after the ride share.

Third thing. This wasn’t a new guy as your wife told you. He has been there longer then the two of you.

She is hiding something. From my experience in the military, your wife is cheating on you.

If you can, place a voice activated recorder in her car. Stop rejecting to her giving him rides. Pull is out after a week. See what they have been doing.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. 
It's not ok if you're not ok with it. If he has been there longer, what did he do before your wife got there?

Was someone else's wife commandeered to service his needs?

Call her CO about these orders.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Put a VAR in the vehicle. You will likely get your answer.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Wait to contact the CO until after you have used the VAR.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Put a VAR in the vehicle. You will likely get your answer.


Yep, your best bet.

*Mouth shut, eyes and ears open. *Don’t delay. You'll have your answer fast. Sony models are good and get the long lasting batteries. Read up on the instructions (turn off any sound indicators and tape over the light indicator). Velcro for attaching under the seat.

Test it out before you use it.


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## Ahendrix (Mar 16, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> What's her job? What's his?
> 
> Can you ask her CO about the apparent order?


They have the same job


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Hide a gps monitor in the vehicle as well as the var....asap


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Ahendrix said:


> what do you mean


Read Weightlifter's Standard Evidence post.

Weightlifter's Standard Evidence post

And keep your mouth shut, no accusations, no nothing until you collect the evidence.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ahendrix said:


> They have the same job


LoL! What do they do?

Dude, go with the var. You aren't wired like me.

I would have put a stop to it before it started.

What if she is cheating? What's your play?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Here's the thing. I would call the CO because I don't like being fed bull **** and I refuse it everytime some ding bat tries to serve it to me.

Your lady is feeding you straight up bull **** without even cooking it first.

Calling the CO will quickly determine her bull **** and might shed some light on her activities for the military.

If her story is BS, and it is, you know everything you need to.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> P.S.
> It's not ok if you're not ok with it. If he has been there longer, what did he do before your wife got there?
> 
> Was someone else's wife commandeered to service his needs?
> ...


Don't alert others right now, because then you may never get the whole truth.
No commander would *order* another married soldier to do this.

I like the voice activated recorder idea, also.

If these two are in an inappropriate relationship already, it is too late to even 'care' about stopping it.
Why bother...

Closing the barn door after the horses have been cavorting for months, makes no sense.

Get the truth, then shut it down, 'only' if no EA or PA has occurred.

Get a VAR, (Sony brand) at Best Buy for ~60 dollars, plus tax.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ask yourself............

What if your wife were cheating on you and you shut it down, never really knowing the truth.

She might be innocent of doing anything but your suspicions will give you no peace of mind.

That said, her driving this dude to and from work is improper, she knows it and is not being considerate of your feelings.
Does he have a drivers license?

I spent decades in the military, and this could go either way, with her cheating or not. 
Life in the military is life is a very close and tight cocoon.

I was an officer and was driven around by females and vice-versa.

Knowledge will set you free, not speculation.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Ahendrix said:


> They have the same job


What is your wife’s MOS?
I can understand if you can’t really say exactly what she does.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If you're freaked out about calling her CO to demand answers, then I recommend playing helpful-but-dumb. 

Call the CO and just give some reasonable-sounding excuse (car going into the shop, a change in your schedule that means your wife will need to drop the kids off in the mornings thus taking a different route, whatever) as to why your wife can't continue being this guy's chauffer and ask if there's anything the CO can do to either lift the order or find someone else to drive this guy until that situation is resolve in a few days/weeks. You might even offer to drive him yourself for a bit, since your wife can't do it anymore (because reasons) and you want to make sure the guy gets to work and all. Seem helpful. Play dumb. 

The CO will either confirm this is an order that can't be changed or rescinded - which would be _exceptionally_ odd - or the CO will betray bafflement and confusion as to what the hell you're talking about - much more likely. Because, let's face it, unless your wife and this guy are partners in some sort of deep-cover covert thing, there's no rational reason that her CO would have actually ordered her to drive a guy to work everyday in the circumstances you describe. I could see it if her job were one where she could reasonably be expected to act as a driver for a senior officer or visiting dignitary for a particular time frame. But that's not what you've so far described. It would be really unusual to get orders to schlep a comparably ranked guy to and from work on the daily for an indefinite period.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> What's her job? What's his?
> 
> Can you ask her CO about the apparent order?


Her CO is not the first ask. He or she is likely 2 to 3 levels above his wife.

Her squad leader or section chief is the first ask.

OP, I am retired from the army after 20 years of active service. It doesn't pass my smell test, either. 

Furthermore, where is she picking him up from? The barracks? Housing? Off post?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Arkansas (Jan 30, 2020)

put a recording device in her vehicle

you will get your answers in 2 weeks


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

A Married woman “voluntold” to take a male soldier to work. And you actually believed that?
You are really naive. VAR, don’t tell anyone until you get the undeniable proof (because they will both deny even if shown video of them having sex) AND get your attorney’s ok to tell her CO. You don’t want her kicked out with no income and have to support her if you divorce. I assume you’ll divorce her if she’s cheating. Don’t be a chump and think you’re gonna “win her back”. All you’ll get is humiliation and lose your self respect.

btw, yes, she’s cheating. And you’ve enabled it. Damn dude.


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## TomNebraska (Jun 14, 2016)

I've never served, but I'm shocked that could even be a thing that can happen

Do officers ever order someone to use their personal property (in this case a car) for official government/military use? Seems wrong


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

TomNebraska said:


> I've never served, but I'm shocked that could even be a thing that can happen
> 
> Do officers ever order someone to use their personal property (in this case a car) for official government/military use? Seems wrong


It is wrong, but sometimes happens, especially with junior leaders who don't know any better. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## mainesqueeze (Nov 22, 2013)

Nah, this doesn’t seem right. If this were truly something she was obligated by leadership to do, she wouldn’t just text him to cancel. You need to get to the bottom of this, but then what?


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