# getting mad with each day passing by



## chutki (Jul 13, 2012)

i need some advice on how to groom myself after separation.
I dont know if i really want to be with my husband...we are living separately rite now.Its been 11 months since we got separated.
Initially i tried asking him about our relation,he was very reluctant and didnt wish to be with me.Then even i stopped asking him or mailing him coz it used to get difficult for me to cope up myself.
I mean in our relation i am the only one at the losing end.
He is just enjoying his life except for the fact that his relationship status is not known.
He is already having a job...moved on to some other place..doing good with his career..He has got nothing to lose.
He never loved me nor really liked me when we were together.All the time he is just involved in criticizing me..sometimes the things he used to mention about me are true but that doesnt mean that i need to change my persona for him just coz i am married to him.I feel him controlling.Nothing matches in our relation..He is a very big egoist.always wants to get back to me even on small issues.He never feels like forgiving or letting go.Always i have to atake the pain of loving him ...initially many times he said we both have diff mindsets we cant be together ..i always used to convince him to be with me..Now i am not feeling like convincing him anymore..same time i am not able to live my own life without him..
I have resigened my job just coz he doesnt like me working ,though i have got another job after couple of yrs...i again resigned it just to save my marriage.All the sacrifices and losses are only from my side.He is not even changed a bit.same ego and temper.
I am not knowing whether i need to think positively about our relation or negatively..I always feel being in a relation with him i was at the losig end always...
Now after separation i need to revive my career again...update myself with the latest things...same time i am always occupied with his thoughts...
Whenever i mail him i always get harsh replies for even small things...he doesnt really care about how i feel which leaves me disheartened all the time...End of the day he blames only for me every failure of this relation.I cant really understand why this guy is not able to see how much he has given me...
I dont know if i am sounding jealous but i lost everything just coz i married him...he didnt lose anything marrying me...I love him same time i hate him so much for giving me so much pain.
All these months of separation i really thought he might have felt atleast some good things about me...but no whenever i talk to him he just blames me makes me guilty even for things which i havent done...In our relation trust is lost...for that he doubts every single detail about me...If i say i am not working he doesnt believe..he is thinking i am hiding about my job since i am planning to get more alimony from him...he is thinking such negatively...
I am not knowing how to handle such person....i always want him to talk softly in a concerned way...but everytime possible he only is bothered abt his feeling but not mine...he ends up hurting me so much tht i feel like saying the FO word....same time if he talks gently i feel like going back to him but that never happens except in my dreams....
Please help ...any suggestions from the forum people...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

From what you have said you will be better off without him. 

The best thing that you can do right now it to go to no contact with him. If and when you have to talk to him or email him, treat him according the 180 linked to in my signature block below.

Work on yourself and get stronger. Get your career back on track. Do not ever give it up again. 

And when you have the money to file for divorce.

I don't know where you life... I get the impression that it's not in the USA. So I cannot help with any legal issues related to divorce. See if you can find any lawyers who will give you free consultations to find out if you can get any financial support from your husband while you get your life back gether and until the divorce is final.


You cannot make your husband change. YOu an only change the way you interact with him.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I agree with what EleGirl has said. Your husband is emotionally abusive. Do what you need to do to make yourself strong and independent. Move on.


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