# Lonely



## emma_41290 (Apr 13, 2018)

I'm in the early stages of separation.....im living in our home alone and am finding myself so lonely. I am trying so hard to distance myself from him to try and cope as well as possible. My friends and family have been amazing but I feel like all they want to talk about is my situation and I almost feel like that's all I should be talking about to them. I feel like ive lost my person to just talk about normal things with, my person to just be normal around. I feel like I have a million people around me, supporting me, wanting the best for me but at the same time feel so alone.....how do others cope with this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What are you doing for yourself? 

Do you work out? 

How often are you going out just to socialilze?

Why not start setting up things to do with people, activities that are fun. And if your friends or family want to talk about your situation, tell them that the topic is off limits. You just want to have a good time and not thing about all that.


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## emma_41290 (Apr 13, 2018)

Thanks EleGirl, I don't want to sound ungrateful but yes I am doing fun things with friends etc already, its those moments where you stop, and its so stupid because I'm trying to keep super busy and distract myself but then I get exhausted from being so busy and then cant sleep or rest because my head is running wild?! ....thanks for the suggestion of telling people the topic is off limits every now and then....I think that might help sometimes!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

emma_41290 said:


> I'm in the early stages of separation.....im living in our home alone and am finding myself so lonely. I am trying so hard to distance myself from him to try and cope as well as possible. My friends and family have been amazing but I feel like all they want to talk about is my situation and I almost feel like that's all I should be talking about to them. I feel like ive lost my person to just talk about normal things with, my person to just be normal around. I feel like I have a million people around me, supporting me, wanting the best about for me but at the same time feel so alone.....how do others cope with this?


*Please give us some of the particulars about your relationship regarding, ages, occupations, years in the relationship as well as marriage, causes of separation, et.al.

To forestall the loneliness, is it possible to get a friend or relative move in with you short-term? *


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

arbitrator said:


> *Please give us some of the particulars about your relationship regarding, ages, occupations, years in the relationship as well as marriage, causes of separation, et.al.
> 
> To forestall the loneliness, is it possible to get a friend or relative move in with you short-term? *


I think this would help us all a great deal to understand what you are going through (in bold) and then give our feedback from there.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Feeling lonely is a normal part of separating from another. Just continue to focus on yourself and your needs, and your wants and your desires. Eventually, you will get to reknow who you are. At that point you will no longer be lonely, even when you are alone. You are never alone if you love yourself.
Whatever you do, do not fall prey to the strong temptation to be with someone else, until you are comfortable with your self. Too many people fall prey to the "anybody is better than nobody" line of thought. Then they get sucked into a relationship they are not truly comfortable in, but remain there because they have never come to love them self first.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

I would suggest avoiding drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism... It may help short term but will not be beneficial to you in the long term.

I *strongly* suggest you join a gym and visit it as often as possible.... like 4-6 times a week. It will turn into your temple of stress relief and has many beneficial side effects like the release of dopamine into your system. It will also make you look better and feel better which are both things that you want to transition into.

Please don't be the person who runs on the treadmill or stair master for 30+ minutes. Long distance cardio like that ends up using up both muscle AND fat... I recommend finding a program that actually has you lifting weights. 

Lifting weights gives you the physical manifestation of beating your stress/problems/loneliness away. When I cant push the weight anymore I think of becoming a stronger person for my children and push through it. I leave the gym having conquered all my problems.

If you haven't done it before, join a gym that has fitness trainer to help you get comfortable. You should only need 2-4 classes with someone before you are ready to go on your own.


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## ktheuerkauf (Jan 2, 2017)

I'm in a similar situation. Running, working out, going for walks, reading, going to a women's church group, binging on Netflix, and baking have helped me get through when I'm not at work. Push yourself a little to socialize, but not to the point where it's exhausting and uncomfortable. I think it's a process that takes lots of time. My dog has been the biggest help. I need to take care of her and this has given me purpose. And she's fun and funny! 

I understand what you're saying about friends and family. Sometimes I just don't want to talk about it and have a normal conversation about nothing! I've had to set boundaries with friends and family and they respect it. 

Blessings.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

emma_41290 said:


> I'm in the early stages of separation.....im living in our home alone and am finding myself so lonely. I am trying so hard to distance myself from him to try and cope as well as possible. My friends and family have been amazing but I feel like all they want to talk about is my situation and I almost feel like that's all I should be talking about to them. I feel like ive lost my person to just talk about normal things with, my person to just be normal around. I feel like I have a million people around me, supporting me, wanting the best for me but at the same time feel so alone.....how do others cope with this?


I remember feeling this way. Getting over this or learning to get to a place of comfort with being alone is very important though. Because then you can make a choices in mates not out of loneliness or fear of being alone. That gives you a much greater position of strength and less fear to say, nope this is not good enough. So think of the pain like exercise. Really work on finding things and ways to make the being alone into serenity in your life and not alarmingly isolated.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

I remember how this feels. I agree with the advice to have your family and friends talk about something else than the situation, something more normal, even if it seems superficial. And I totally get how you feel about missing just talking about normal stuff and being normal with your spouse or partner. Even my now ex-h admitted how much he missed out talks on the back porch, talks about politics or the state of the world, or how family members were doing. 

One of the things I did after finally getting to the point where I could sleep through the night, and not in 2-4 hour increments, was to start making changes to my living space. There were things I had agreed for us to buy, like the dining room table I hated, or the sofa and loveseat that was uncomfortable, because my h and I always compromised and he was cheap; he wouldn't spend a few more dollars on something more comfortable and more beautiful. 

Eventually I left that house and moved but in the meantime, I did things in it to make it reflect my own tastes and my own sense of a comfortable and beautiful environment. One of the things I really needed was to surround myself with beauty, and it wasn't expensive to do. It was a matter of changing or adding a piece at a time, but it gave me an excuse to get out and shop, which made me walk and made me look and got me out of the house. I renovated small bits of my house while I found myself again. And I bought a couple of Bose radios with great speakers and played some of my CD's or music from my Amazon and ITunes lists, while I cooked extraordinary meals. It seemed external, to change the way my space looked or to outfit my kitchen with a handful of nifty new things, but in reality, I was nourishing both my body and soul, and getting slowly stronger. 

It sounds cliche and trite, but things do get better with time. Human beings are amazingly capable of coping with great loss and disappointment and betrayal; it just takes a little bit for us to get our feet under ourselves and get up and get going. But first I had to grieve. One of the things I have on my refrigerator is a magnet with a quote from Washington Irving that says: "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You are not alone, never were.

You are now, just, 'less encumbered'.

Lighter, more 'free'.

A new thing 'this'.

......................................................

You see..

You still feel the limb that was 'he'.

The limb, though gone, is still sending signals.

Signals from the past, from 'memories'.

Soon, new memories will bury the old memories.
You need to remove the cast that was he.
He, becoming 'no-more-sees.

The smelly cast from your past holds a broken 'phantom' limb.
One not there, yet, sending signals. 
Signals from him.

Remove the cast...
The limb that was him, goes too.
Follows the plaster, into your past.

Past, not sweet, memories.



The Typist I- from his notes.


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