# Dh packed and left... Then came back



## Youngwifeylovesherhubby (May 8, 2013)

A short history. We've been married for just under a year. When we got married he was working. Had a decent job. I was not working (at his request) but found a job shortly after (also at his request). He got fired then started working temp jobs. I had a few leads on better jobs, and honestly I was tired of going in at 5:30 am so I quit mine. Then dh quit his. I got 2 jobs within a month, then got better hours at the higher paying one so I started working just that one. It's been 6 months with me being the only bread winner. 

Needless to say we've been arguing about finances. Dh wanted to move back in with his gma, but I don't think it's a good idea. Last Sunday he packed everything he could fit into his jeep and called me to let me know. 

I wasn't aware how much he took until I got home that night. He literally took everything but furniture and kitchen stuff. The fan in the bedroom, the blanket over the Window, and the cup on the coffee table with pens to name a few petty things! 

Early Monday he asked to come back. It was 1 or 2 am. I said no. Around noon he came over and we talked. I told him I thought a break would be good for us. Maybe we just needed to reconnect to our early dating days. 

Well the sil put her 2 cents in and I didn't want to cause a huge deal so dh came back that night. 

The thing is, I'm so angry and I feel so betrayed and he doesn't seem to understand he broke my trust by leaving. I no longer respect him. In fact, I feel as if he was a coward because he couldn't tell me to my face. I've tried to explain, but he turns it to a "poor me" session. 

Other than him spending a day putting in apps nothing has changed. The house is trashed, and there is no food. I might as well be on my own. (with me working and him not we agreed he'd take care of the house) 

I don't want him sexually anymore, and I'd rather do anything than to spend time with him because I don't want to lash out and hurt what little of our old relationship we have. 

Am I wrong here?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Well the resentment is building, maybe try an in house separation. Have an extra room or even the couch is fine.

He might be suffering a little depression, not that it makes it alright. But you need to sit his arse down, tell him your not happy right now either. In advance, write a list of things you need done, it might not all just be about housework either. Hopefully this discussion combined with a temp in house separation will yield some action. He's gonna be very stressed by this.

You need to be supportive, but firm. Set the separation up for a time frame, a goal he can reach, say 2 weeks or 30 days.

Good luck


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## Youngwifeylovesherhubby (May 8, 2013)

Depression does play a part. I told him I thought he needed to be on medication and talk to someone. As for separation I work 3rd shift so he sleeps when I'm at work and I sleep during the day. 

My biggest issue is that he's in that unemployment phase where all he wants to do is watch tv/play video games. When roles were reversed he expected me to keep the house clean. No dishes in the sink and supper ready when he got home, but he has not done that once in these 6 months. 

That and he's more willing to have me work 2 jobs than he is to find one. 

The leaving part bothers me though. I don't understand why he felt he needed to leave. He won't give me a straightforward answer, but to me he has it made. If anyone was going to leave it should have been me.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

If he's depressed, I bet he doesn't even know why he left, he's not thinking normally.

Ok, the tv/video games is a problem if he cant help around the house. That's just causing him to hide further and further from reality. Have you thought about marriage counseling? For now, since he's not working, you need to make a chore list, that he must have finished before you get home from work. 

Maybe let him know your thinking about leaving now, as you just don't see his half of the commitment to the marriage. Your gonna need to shake things up a bit if he's gonna realize you are serious.

Your late shift and his unemployment is def. putting a stress on things, as you have no open lines of communication. Your both alone in the marriage at this point. Resentment is building, and some bad habits need to be broken. You need to seek some professional help if you want to get thru this.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

this is not the same responsible man you married. You are justified in your resentment that his way of dealing with things is taking off and taking the pen mug with him, and you are justified in your resentment that he just slacks off all day. He already knows that the marriage is in trouble, after all, he took off, but you need to lay down the law, which you are totally justified in doing. Either he starts pulling his weight - getting a job AND doing household chores - or this time you're walking.


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## Youngwifeylovesherhubby (May 8, 2013)

Thank you. I really needed to vent and be told from an unbiased source that it's ok to feel feel this way. 

What I really need to do is calmly explain just how I feel about this situation to him. I don't mean to bad mouth him. He's really a great guy, just happened to fall on bad times. He really should see a counselor about his mental stuff though. I know what it's like, but I don't think he would take me seriously enough for me to help him.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I don't think you are "wrong" because his attitude is unacceptable, but I wonder if the two of you communicate very effectively. Maybe working on that and see how things go.


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