# help please



## helen (Apr 14, 2009)

hi i am a mother of two, married to a man who is like a child. i need to talk to some one other than him.

i am 31 years old, we have been married for four years today and i have been so unhappy almost everyday. he is a person who loves games and he needs me to tell him what needs to be done all the time, he is never in control of things and keeps messing up all the time. i feel like he is my son not my husband, i am not attracted to him sexually. i want to leave him but dont know how. he is a good father and a friend, but really not a husband all he cares about is his tv shows and games. i was always happy but now i am so sad and my life is so empty, i dont know what to do.please help, i cant breath.


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## 13years (Apr 6, 2009)

Hi Helen. I would recommend watching the movie Fireproof. It showed me what I want.

At least take some solace that you are only 31. I am in the exact same situation but 37. I feel like my best years are already behind me.

I am committed to finding me again though and will not allow him to blame me for our issues any longer.

Grow up or get out!!!!! My new motto. : )


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

37 is still young by today's standards.. you're both young!
I'm gonna be 35 soon.. I'm young baby! lol

seek some counseling... if you can't live with him , even after trying, then I suppose leaving will be an option. Was he always that way?


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## 13years (Apr 6, 2009)

No, when I first met him he was 30 and I was 24 so he seemed like he was the mature one. He was married once before me and all I have ever heard was about how irresponsible his ex-wife was. That should have been my first clue.

Over the years he has rung up massive debt on more that one occasion. About three years ago it was nearly 25K. Each time I have been the one to dip into savings and bail him out. I know now I am part of the problem and bailing him out is not helping.

He has a good job and feel that bringing home his paycheck and coaching our son's little league team is all he has to do. 

I work a full-time + job and make more money than he does and yet it is me that still has to do everything around the house. I am always exhausted which then makes me *****y. He says my being *****y is what makes him be such a jerk at times and drink too much. I think him making me do everything makes me this way.

He never makes plans for us to do anything together but will go out of his way to do things for our son. He pretty much ignores our daughter and chalks it up to not knowing what a little girl needs. He obviously does not know what a woman needs either.

We went to therapy three years ago over the debt issue and my therapist told me to leave him. I should have listed then but I am much braver today.


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## helen (Apr 14, 2009)

i feel 81 wow, i tried to talk to him, to tell him how i feel but he just ignored me , i am getting nowhere with him. one time i told him it would have been better if i had my girlfriends around so i could talk to them, well,,,, he insisted that i see him as one of my girls and just talk as if she was infront of me, about my problems with him. i told him he will not like it , but he wont take no for an answer.so i said OK i sat him down and started talking about him and me, and how childish he is and told him that i am not in love with him, he has no passion no hobbys nothing. would she have an advice for me? juess what happend? he was loughing like hell, i finally left the room.


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## helen (Apr 14, 2009)

no. we meet in italy, so it was like we were both on vacation and got marride after a year. but he got back to the us , he was soooo, i dont really remember at all what he was like, to be honest.


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## margjie (Apr 15, 2009)

Dear Helen,

I heard some things in what you said that gives rise to hope and I just had to say something. A good father and friend is hard to come by these days. That says a lot about a persons soul. I think it may be worth the effort to re-invigorate your marriage. Obviously, there was love and I always have a hard time believing that it can go away from something like "messing up" unless we're talking about cheating, which you didn't mention, so I think we can assume that this isn't the case.

Find that commonality again. If you were on vacation when you met, you probably had a sense of freedom to enjoy each others company to the fullest. Aim for that. Make it a goal. 

And don't disregard options like counseling. It's often very helpful to have a neutral third person help you both figure out exactly where you stand in relation to one another and put things into perspective. They can often help you plan out a stronger marriage that you will be happy with. Try to remember that almost no marriage is perfect. Almost no man (or woman) is just right. It' better to have a boyish husband than a..... let's just say I've dealt with worse.

I wish you luck, no matter what path you take.

Marj


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## helen (Apr 14, 2009)

hi, thanks, yesterday was our anniversiry, he came home with flowers and some gifts and a card, that says we learn about life together. i honestly was going to kiss him thank you, but instead i broke done in tears, i am always going to be the teacher and he the student. we had a long talk and we decided that may be all i need is a little get away from all of it. and when i say messing up, i meant financially, ok, i will give you one. we used to live in this big house that costes about $ 2000 a month,( we moved from germany about a year ago and were looking for a house to buy) after a while we decided to move out and stay with his friend for some time.( his friend is single and travels a lot so his big home is always empty) but before moving out,i told him again and again to read our contract with the owner. he said he did and it is oky to leave the house before our time. so we did. a week later the owner called me and told me that we cant do that and we need to pay for the house till our contract is over, that will be September. so now we are paying for a house we dont even live in. and i tell you this we don't have a lot of money. then i had a nice car , but he refused to take it for a check up, and the engine just died. now it's parked some where and i am a prisoner at home. so these are just some of them. after a while you just get fade up. and that is where i am.

i will go away for couple of months and see what happened.

thanks again.


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