# Am I wrong to feel this way?



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I feel like a female cad but here it is. After months of MC we finally talked about oral and lack of it. I told him that after a while of not getting I just don't even want sex anymore because I get my hopes up and end up with hohum orgasm. We agreed I would wash before sex everytime and so I would be ready. 
We had sex and it was amazing. He went down, did everything I love. I was glowing for days. 
And then the anger set in. And this is where I get confused. But why can't you just want to please your spouse? Why do I have to wait around wondering if it's going to be another six months before he feels like it again? I don't even know why but I'm mad. 
It's so stupid and I need to get over it. I know we both made mistakes that led to this. I know I can't force some kind of promise for frequency. I just want to say "was that so hard?" is it that hard to do something to make your wife have a mind blowing orgasm instead of the little ones I get from intercourse? 
I feel like an ingrate and I don't know what to do to stop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

If the singular, sole way you can achieve a "mindblowing orgasm" is from oral sex, then it makes absolute sense that you'd be angry that your husband isn't very willing to "suck it up" and do it often.

I can't offer you an opinion on how to make things more enticing for him, but you totally deserve to experience those kinds of earth shattering orgasms on a regular basis. 

I'm sorry that you guys are at an impasse.

Have you guys done a lot of exploration into other potential ways for you to achieve similar kinds of orgasm without him having to go down on you?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

No. I have researched a lot about toys that feel like oral and there's just nothing under a hundred bucks that I can find. I'm not sure he would even be open to it or if they actually work anyway. 
I'm feeling resentful which sucks because we are in MC and he's trying. I think he's in the mood tonight and I just don't want to ask for it again but if I ask he gets frustrated or I get disappointed about half the time. 
I guess it's like you miss something but you don't know exactly how much you miss it until you have it again and then you want it again but don't know when it's going to happen and it sucks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> No. I have researched a lot about toys that feel like oral and there's just nothing under a hundred bucks that I can find. I'm not sure he would even be open to it or if they actually work anyway.
> I'm feeling resentful which sucks because we are in MC and he's trying. I think he's in the mood tonight and I just don't want to ask for it again but if I ask he gets frustrated or I get disappointed about half the time.
> I guess it's like you miss something but you don't know exactly how much you miss it until you have it again and then you want it again but don't know when it's going to happen and it sucks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you masturbate? If so, have you let him watch you masturbate so that he can learn how to bring you to orgasm in a similar way?

Also a TON of women swear by the "Rabbit" sex toys, and you can get those for well under $100 dollars.

Is there any other sensitive part of your body that he could explore that might help you achieve orgasm?

Obviously the resentment is another matter entirely, but perhaps if you two do some serious sexual exploration you can discover other ways to cum besides cunnilingus, ways that will be enjoyable for you both.

By the way, what is his main aversions to going down on you?


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I love performing oral on my wife and do it every time we have sex. It's never even a question. The only time that I do not is as per her request, for whatever reason. 

But she does not share the same sentiment and will only do me with some arm twisting. And it's very rarely until completion. 

So it is not uncommon that one spouse does not do what the other expects, but it seems the tables have been turned from the norm in your situation.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> But she does not share the same sentiment and will only do me with some arm twisting. And it's very rarely until completion.
> 
> So it is not uncommon that one spouse does not do what the other expects, but it seems the tables have been turned from the norm in your situation.


Yeah, but I'm assuming that blowjobs aren't your singular outlet for a truly great orgasm?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Do you masturbate? If so, have you let him watch you masturbate so that he can learn how to bring you to orgasm in a similar way?
> 
> Also a TON of women swear by the "Rabbit" sex toys, and you can get those for well under $100 dollars.
> 
> ...


The rabbit is the way to go.... defiantly.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Hire one and see if if like it. Hehehe


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

That's the other issue. I rarely if ever have time to myself to masturbate. We have had issues with him being upset and thinking I'm going to leave him when he knows I'm doing it. 
It just seems like he doesn't get that I have different orgasms. We had sex last night and I just couldn't O. That hardly ever happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

How I love to give my wife oral. Her smell, her excitement, her lips swelling, her moans, her rocking to my lick. Did he tell you why he didn't like it?
I assumed you get great orgasms from clitoris manipulations, have you tried CAT? Sorry if I'm wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Helpme1 (Apr 24, 2012)

Your not wrong. You just want to be satisfied. The problem is what your partner is willing to do. I have same problem with mine. She thinks that as long as we are both having orgasms then we have no need to persue new things sexually. Sometimes people are just sexually stingy. Get off however you need and hope that he catches up someday. I posted something similar to this last week and I got a response from someone asking if I wanted her to do things too me or with me. This is a valid questions but at some point, couples ned to grow as well. 

Goodluck!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

How about getting him into the 69 position, him on top. Then while you're taking care of him, gently push his head down on you. You may not get off in this position but it gets him down there more frequently. And that's a start.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Make sure he has no hygienic objections, like smells or excess hair, which he may not be comfortable discussing.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Yeah, but I'm assuming that blowjobs aren't your singular outlet for a truly great orgasm?


No. I can cum in any number of ways and enjoy them all


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I feel like a female cad but here it is. After months of MC we finally talked about oral and lack of it. I told him that after a while of not getting I just don't even want sex anymore because I get my hopes up and end up with hohum orgasm. We agreed I would wash before sex everytime and so I would be ready.
> We had sex and it was amazing. He went down, did everything I love. I was glowing for days.
> And then the anger set in. And this is where I get confused. But why can't you just want to please your spouse? Why do I have to wait around wondering if it's going to be another six months before he feels like it again? I don't even know why but I'm mad.
> It's so stupid and I need to get over it. I know we both made mistakes that led to this. I know I can't force some kind of promise for frequency. I just want to say "was that so hard?" is it that hard to do something to make your wife have a mind blowing orgasm instead of the little ones I get from intercourse?
> ...


I've been away from the board a lot the last 3-4 weeks (needed to clear my head) so I didn't see this thread before. But I had to respond.

I'm a guy, so I'm not the same as you exactly diwali, but in a similar situation. While yes, I do have other means to an orgasm than oral sex, I'm finding that sex is starting to get 'ho hum' for me now as well, as oral sex for me is very much the same as you.

I get it once in a while, and I'd saying I average 3-4 times a year, but I have gone as long as a year wkithout any oral sex (in this relationship. With my ex-wife, I had 2-3 BJ's in 10 years, only one to completion). I'd also say that of those 3-4 times a year, maybe once every second year is because she spontaneously decided to do it. the rest is from me dropping hints or just flat out asking for it.

I'm at the point now where I just about have given up. And it is incredibly frustrating. My fiancee is also of the mindset that she doesn't like recieving oral sex, unless she happens to be drunk at the time. I've been down on here twice when she's sober, both times four years ago or more. The last time she let me down there at all was 2-3 years ago. I honestly am beginning to forget what it looks like down there, and no that's not an exaggeration.

Perhaps because she doesn't want it at all, she's forgetting that I do want it, badly. While my preference is for vaginal sex, sometimes you just want to be able to do something different, and oral sex feels awesome. It's just great. But, I'm in the same boat as you diwali; I try to maintain proper 'suitibility' down there, hoping today is the day I might get something. You do your 'manscaping' and keep yourself clean down there, only to go another day without anything.

Going without for a while is fine for me, but when it gets to be 3-6 months without, you start feeling resentment. Thing is, you've had so many discussions about it already, what's the point in having another, right?

The weird thing about it is that she knows, if she ever wants me to go down there on her, I would in a heartbeat. I don't want to do it 'all the time' but I don't have a problem with doing it often. So essentially in my relationship, the one who wants it can't get it very often (and slowly trending towards not at all) while the one who doesn't want it knows she has a free ticket to ride the moustache train pretty much whenever she wants. 

In conclusion, I agree with you diwali, how hard is it to want to give your partner some pleasure? I mean, it takes 5-10 minutes (if you are going to completion) and, for me, once a month would be fine. Yet it comes across as a chore. I think she'd rather run a marathon than do that. So, you're not an ingrate diwali, you are just wanting a fulfilling sex life, and you're wanting something that really takes a lot less time and effort to do that it does to do most things in a relationship. I mean, ask him next time which takes longer, to mow the lawn or to go down on you? I'd bet it takes longer to mow the lawn, not to mention likely takes more effort. So tell him to ignore the lawn once and pay attention to your lawn instead.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

kingsfan said:


> I've been away from the board a lot the last 3-4 weeks (needed to clear my head) so I didn't see this thread before. But I had to respond.
> 
> I'm a guy, so I'm not the same as you exactly diwali, but in a similar situation. While yes, I do have other means to an orgasm than oral sex, I'm finding that sex is starting to get 'ho hum' for me now as well, as oral sex for me is very much the same as you.
> 
> ...


don't get married until you find the one your compatible with sexually. if oral sex is a desire for you and your fieance dosn't like to do it for you why on earth would you marry her?:scratchhead:


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> don't get married until you find the one your compatible with sexually. if oral sex is a desire for you and your fieance dosn't like to do it for you why on earth would you marry her?:scratchhead:


I'm not disagreeing with that sentiment. I'm hoping to find a common ground on that issue with her.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I'm not disagreeing with that sentiment. I'm hoping to find a common ground on that issue with her.


Kingsfan the more you post, the more red flags seem to be popping up in regards to your future marriage.

Obviously you don't have to justify a damn thing to a single one of us, but I do think there are a few posters left :scratchhead: at you moving full steam ahead in into marriage where you and your fiance have serious compatibility issues (some of which cut eerily close to the troubles that plagued your previous marriage).

Please be careful brother.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

I do love receiving oral from my DW, and rarely have it as well. I did gave her oral as much as 8 times out of 10 times we had sex. The issue lies at her past, that her ex-bf force her to give him oral everytime they had sex, and I don't want to a SoB husband by demanding her into doing it. She only did oral for me like 1 out of 20. It is not that I want her to do it everytime, or everytime I do to her. But upping the frequency like 2 to 10 will make me happier... I'm finding a way to talk to her without nagging or complaining.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Kingsfan the more you post, the more red flags seem to be popping up in regards to your future marriage.
> 
> Obviously you don't have to justify a damn thing to a single one of us, but I do think there are a few posters left :scratchhead: at you moving full steam ahead in into marriage where you and your fiance have serious compatibility issues (some of which cut eerily close to the troubles that plagued your previous marriage).
> 
> Please be careful brother.


Thanks for your kind words.

You are a lucky man jaquen, and I think the best part is you know it too. Hopefully we can all end up like you.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Horsa said:


> I do love receiving oral from my DW, and rarely have it as well. I did gave her oral as much as 8 times out of 10 times we had sex. The issue lies at her past, that her ex-bf force her to give him oral everytime they had sex, and I don't want to a SoB husband by demanding her into doing it. She only did oral for me like 1 out of 20. It is not that I want her to do it everytime, or everytime I do to her. But upping the frequency like 2 to 10 will make me happier... I'm finding a way to talk to her without nagging or complaining.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


same boat my friend. My fiancee's ex pretty much forced oral on her for many years and did other stuff she hated but felt forced into doing, so now it's an issue for her.

On one hand, I get that and I feel for her, but on the other hand it bothers me that I have to do without because he was an a-hole. I'm not forceful or inconciderate, I just want it more than a few times a year. I want enthusiasm.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

I think the original poster, Diwali, probably also has incompatibility issues with her husband when it comes to sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

diwali123 said:


> I just want to say "was that so hard?" is it that hard to do something to make your wife have a mind blowing orgasm instead of the little ones I get from intercourse?
> I feel like an ingrate and I don't know what to do to stop.


For whatever it is worth, I'd feel the same as you ...you are NOT an ingrate at all....I'd too, be very angry







...would leave me feeling undesired/ unwanted /unfullfilled - while he got what he wants (how fair is that?).....and one hates to keep reminding /hoping /praying -having to tell the other what they so desire in the bedroom....this would soon get old, a sour taste in our mouths, disheartening ~ not to mention Resentment climbing. 

For most... anything remotely resembling Pity /chore-like / burdenous sex ..this too, isn't something we'd want....but something to spit at....too hard to swallow. Nothing is wrong with your feelings... Seems to be like beating a dead horse though.  

There is a scripture that says " Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life". We can all relate to that, how you were "glowing" for days afterwards. 

IT seems the only answer is in a lowering of your expectations somehow, because this is setting you up to feel "let down" -when too much time elapses inbetween his going there......but if this* IS* your Orgasm - how can you do this [email protected]#$%^. It sounds you have really tried all you could to bring him to meet you half way .....being patient, all of it. 

How very unfortunate...the majority of men so want to eat at the Y. I am the opposite of yourself - have trouble orgasming this way. I know my husband sometimes wishes I could go crazy wild here... but it's just forplay for us.


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