# Loser checking out



## abhorrentme (Sep 16, 2011)

I've never liked myself, yet I got married and had kids. Why? I'm a moron! So now that I'm in a midlife crisis, I get the best of both worlds - self hate, and a screwed up mind. (Yes, yes yes!!! I've done more medication and therapy for more than half of my long life). So what did I do? I had an affair of course! Never planned on it! Never thought I was the type! I always called the ones that did "idiots"! Now I get to look in the mirror to see one every remaining day of my life. I tried very hard for many years to get my wife to leave me and find someone normal long before before I began the affair. But she never did. So now she learns of my affair, and then tells me she almost had one but stopped it. She should have kept going! She could have taken the upgrade without a word from me! I'm not mad at her for doing that! I'm mad that she didn't do it all the way! Why won't she see what a loser I am and leave me!!! She can have everything! After all, I hurt everyone involved in my life and the affair. I deserve nothing! Even with the affair, she won't leave me! WHY!!!?

I ruined her life by driving her friends away over the years. I had two friends (all time high!). I saved them from me by cutting myself out of their circles. They didn't care. After all, who wants a loser as a friend? 

I know a divorce is going to happen, no matter what she says now. I can't wait to be destroyed in court and in public for what I did, and who I am. When the divorce is final, I'll be broke, homeless, hated be everyone (including me), and existing for no reason.

So there's only one thing left for me to do, check out (of course it will be accidental). The insurance will pay the remaining mortgage, she'll get my retirement funds and all other monies I have coming to me, and she can start that new relationship she needs to live a quality life. Everyone who deserves to have a better life, will. I'll get my eternal punishment that I have always wanted and deserved since birth.

Feel like commenting, or try to talk me out of it? Go ahead! I'll never see it. Pity party? Nope! Pure reality.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

If you are serious you need to talk to someone STAT! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Why do you hate yourself so much? What has caused you to feel this way?

Has it ever occured to you your wife loves you unconditionally, faults, good and bad and everything in between. Affairs are forgiveable.

Please try to realize you will hurt so many people. Send me a private message please for support. Please reach out to us!


----------



## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

STOP!!! I agree, that is a permanent solution to what could be a temporary problem


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Call the suicide hot line.


----------



## dawgfan (Jul 22, 2011)

Hey friend,

I'm really sorry about the trouble you're in. Sometimes things can seem hopeless - but I want to tell you that your life has value. You are worthy of forgiveness and self-respect no matter what's happened. 

I can only hope that you've reached out to this forum because you _want_ someone to stop you. Please, find someone nearby - a doctor, a pastor, or a counselor - who you can share with. You can call this organization to talk to a counselor for free -- or you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7 at 800/273-8255.

God bless you, friend.

dawgfan


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Jul 29, 2011)

If I didn't know better, I would think you were my husband. He said the same thing over and over to me... I deserve better, he is a loser... all that you are saying. 

Please get yourself help and check with a doctor to see if you are bi-polar. He is and medication is helping him greatly.

I hope you get the help you need.


----------

