# For nurses and husbands of nurses: Any Dr. problems?



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

Just wondering if any other husbands out there have had problems with MD's making advances towards their wives? My wife has been an RN for 16+ years, and never had any major problems until about 5 years ago when she moved to the OR and started working with surgeons 10 hrs a day. Those guys seem to be a different breed altogether. 

Thankfully, my wife tells me ASAP when one of these jerks gets out of line, but I still wound up having to threaten one of them last year. I didn't threaten him physically- just threatened to tell his wife, hospital administration, and local media that he was sexually harassing the hospital staff. He backed off and eventually stopped doing cases at the hospital where my wife works.

Just curious if anyone else has had issues with MD's. And yes, I've got plenty of stories...


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

All the time. My wife continued her education and became a nurse practicioner, but I have my share of stories. I spent weeks early in our marriage trying to help her psyche herself up to tell one surgeon to quit giving backrubs, caresses on her bottom, but he never took no for an answer. This was in the eighties, but I showed up one day and confronted him. No more problems. My opinion is that this field is rampant with similar cases, and hospitals would rather leave their employees to their own instead of confronting valuable surgeons or patients.

Coming from the corporate world, it mystifies me to see that employers in some states seem to take such a hands off approach to managing sexual harassment. My wife works so closely with peers that there I can see where trust can become hard.


----------



## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

when my wife was first starting out in the med field, she had 1 dr. sorta wanting to take her under his wing and "help" her out. i put a stop to that crap real quick, no threats, well 1 little one. but he got the message real quick


----------



## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

67flh said:


> when my wife was first starting out in the med field, she had 1 dr. sorta wanting to take her under his wing and "help" her out. i put a stop to that crap real quick, no threats, well 1 little one. but he got the message real quick


It is not just a doctor thing, but a human thing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

par4, sorry i got to disagree. dr= inflated egos and enough bucks to get them outta jams.


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

67flh said:


> par4, sorry i got to disagree. dr= inflated egos and enough bucks to get them outta jams.


Dr also = hospital that kisses his a$$ and will not dare bring up the fact that he can't keep his hands to himself. Just sayin'


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I know first hand about MDs who hit on female colleagues. Some of it is due to a sense of entitlement. Doctors tend to be the cream of the crop in their classes in high school and college. They've made a lot of sacrifices for their profession when most of us were dating and having fun in our 20s. Their profession fills a critical social need. We all need doctors at some point in our lives. Then there's the intimacy with colleagues because of the long hours working odd schedules, overnights away from home, at conferences and big workplaces filled with colleagues with whom you spend hours in close contact. There's the prestige factor. You get admired at first glance for your job title. Combine all these factors together and you get a bunch of people who feel entitled. 

I don't think entitlement is reserved just for physicians, but it's certainly a trait many doctors have.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My ex is a physician. Once he started in medical school he started cheating... with female medical students, nurses and other females who worked in the hospitals.

It seemed to me that marriage means nothing to a lot of them.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I am a Paramedic of 30 years never had a problem with Dr. but did have similar issues with a couple of nurses that pursued me pretty hard.

I just said look you know I'm married and my wife is all I ever wanted. I could never do anything to hurt her like that. It became all business after that.


----------



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

Halien said:


> Dr also = hospital that kisses his a$$ and will not dare bring up the fact that he can't keep his hands to himself. Just sayin'


Yeah, I guess this is what angers me the most. Unfortunately, it does no good for the staff to complain about these guys in the majority of cases. As long as the patients are happy and these guys are bringing in the $$$, they (administration) tend to whitewash the situation and maintain the status quo.

To make matters worse in my wife's case, she is certified in First Assist and several other areas that put her a step above the others in her surgical group. Because of this, she is often sent with surgeons to seminars and teaching functions to learn new techniques. Any time that these events occur out of town, I ALWAYS go. Sometimes, even that doesn't completely deter some of these guys. At her last seminar, my wife went down to the hotel lobby to get a cup of coffee and grab a copy of her itinerary. While she was stirring her coffee, a "gentleman" approached and asked if she would like to join him in the lounge for a drink to quote, "talk about some special techniques". She declined of course. He then proceeded to tell her that he was chief of surgery at some giant hospital in Miami, and they were always on the lookout for special "talent", and my wife fit the description. Creep even gave her a card with his cell # on the back. The nerve of some of these guys...


----------



## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

My wife works as a home health care nurse and has very little if any contact with doctors
So hasn't had any issues in this area however the old men that she visits
Can get pretty inappropriate she just laughs them off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> My wife works as a home health care nurse and has very little if any contact with doctors
> So hasn't had any issues in this area however the old men that she visits
> Can get pretty inappropriate she just laughs them off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Patients are another animal altogether! Fortunately, most of them are under anesthesia when my wife is dealing with them.


----------



## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

yea, we can't get into the patients...80 year old farts who still think they are HOT, and everyone wants them.lol


----------



## Pascal (Mar 10, 2012)

This is very common in lots of hospitals, and the worst of all is that these doctors know these nurses are married women...they would prefer a married woman to a single nurse (if you ask me) as to outclass her husband.
I am a nurse and have worked in two different hospitals in Maryland. It's the same case, like you all know, and the hospital pays little attention into it.
My wife is also a nurse in a foreign country, she always gets this "come work in my wing" requests. She has told me a few times, and one of the doctors even sent her messages on facebook, and that one I had to confront via facebook, and he has never talked to her again. Soon after that time, he left the hospital.


----------



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

Pascal said:


> This is very common in lots of hospitals, and the worst of all is that these doctors know these nurses are married women...they would prefer a married woman to a single nurse (if you ask me) as to outclass her husband.
> I am a nurse and have worked in two different hospitals in Maryland. It's the same case, like you all know, and the hospital pays little attention into it.
> My wife is also a nurse in a foreign country, she always gets this "come work in my wing" requests. She has told me a few times, and one of the doctors even sent her messages on facebook, and that one I had to confront via facebook, and he has never talked to her again. Soon after that time, he left the hospital.


The thing that I hate (and my wife REALLY hates), is that this gives nurses a bad rap. Outsiders blame the "gold digging" nurses, as it couldn't _possibly_ be the wonderful doctors who are pursuing them.


----------



## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

I'm a nurse and it's a second career. I've been a nurse for 17 years, mostly in ICU. Personally, I saw more problems in engineering and accounting in my former business career than I've seen with physicians. Engineers and physicians also seem to have equal levels of arrogance and sense of entitlement. That's my experience, at least.


----------



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

Funny you should mention engineers Pixie. An engineer that I work with was busted, pants down no less, a few weeks back...in his office...by the president of the company...with a subordinate. The prez did not want to fire this guy, as he was a very valuable engineer who the prez had personally poached from a competitor less than a year ago. He had no choice though, as the engineer had bragged openly about it at lunch the same day.

How can such brilliant people be so blatantly careless?


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

The engineer angle illustrates that all of these situations are more about specific hospitals, and not the careers. I manage a group of engineers in an office with hundreds of them. I tend to think of Dilbert when I picture some of them (just kidding), but I also work with smaller outfits where the engineers are the company's most valuable asset, and know it.

My wife's problems were largely when she worked in a very contemporary hospital setting. She became friends with a fashion designer in a small line of clothing, and did some modelling for them. A few of the surgeons went to the shows since the designer was married to one of their peers, and these were the ones we had problems with.


----------



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

My wife definitely has had more problems at smaller hospitals than at larger ones. Seems that the smaller hospitals are desperate to keep any competent surgeon who comes along, no matter how he treats the staff, as long as the patients are happy and the revenues keep rolling in. 

There is a smaller surgery center that my wife works at occasionally, and she comes home with a new story every time. I don't like her working there, and she won't if certain doctors are working that day, as she only does it to help out an old friend who is the director of nursing there.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My good friend in the ER is a charge nurse. She says it happens all the time where she works. 

I'd be more worried if your marriage was distant or in trouble. Last thing anyone needs is to be accused of something they didn't do.


----------



## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

Let.s be clear this happens in life, not just in the medical profession. You are fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Of course it happens in other professions. I don't think anyone is saying it doesn't. I don't think anyone posting here said this is something completely exclusive to doctors. However, some professions - pilots, physicians, realtors, preachers, police officers, politicians - for example tend to have higher rates of infidelity.


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

par4 said:


> Let.s be clear this happens in life, not just in the medical profession. You are fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To be fair, the thread is about the medical profession. If a person replies to a thread about situations in the medical profession, its not exactly like saying that the same thing doesn't happen to engineers, hairdressers, or other fields. Its more like sticking to the theme of the thread.


----------



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> All most all Surgeons have PA's. The PA's are in the operating room,
> see patients at the office, make the rounds at the hospital, etc.
> The male PA's are just like the Surgeons.
> 
> ...


This is so true. Seen it several times. There was one young surgeon (early 40's) who moved here just a couple of years ago but moved away late last year. Great guy, and never hit on the nurses, though they probably wouldn't have been upset if he had (6' 2", athletic...you get the picture). He is now in the process of getting a divorce. Our sons were on swim teams that competed against one another, and we often saw his wife at swim meets. She and my wife even sat and chatted a few teams. Turns out that this particular swim coach also "coaches" moms, if you get what I mean.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Hospitals are full of infidelity. I was a overnight security guard at a hospital when I got out the Navy. It's crazy what you walk in on after hours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

One more thing, as it's fresh on my mind. Should have posted this earlier in the thread, but don't really like dwelling on it. My wife and I have been married for almost 17 years, and dated for several before that. I like to think that we have a relationship that is as honest and open as can be. However, even the most trusting husband in the most secure relationship will have thoughts and worries when it comes to a work situation like this. My wife is also part of the on-call team (mandatory in her position), and is on-call every other week. She is subject to have to stay over and/or be called out in the wee hours of the morning. It's easy for me to let my mind go places I really don't want it to go, yet I think it is actually somewhat healthy to think about what could happen, and voice these concerns openly to the wifey.

One of the things that has really helped me keep my sanity at times is the candid way in which my wife discusses things that go on, and which doctors/nurses are ones to avoid. It was this openness that I believe allowed me to nip a potential EA in the bud before it got started. A new doctor joined staff a couple of years ago (he was a partner to the young doctor in my previous post). I'll call him Dr. OM. He is a lot of fun to be around, and he and I have even become "friends" of sort. We are both cyclists, and have shared a few miles together. He is also a runner, which is my wife's chosen method of exercise/therapy. So of course, they had something in common right off the bat. Long story short, my wife had something to say about Dr. OM every day- you could sort of see her light up just a bit when talking about him. I called her out on her feelings and her attitude within the first couple of weeks he was on the job. Fortunately, the wifey took inventory of her feelings, and agreed that she was acting a bit "Schoolgirl-ish". She was just happy to have a doc in the OR who wasn't trying to hit on her, and could carry on a conversation about something else. But you could tell that it made her feel good at the same time, and likely would have allowed her to develop stronger feelings for him. At my wife's suggestion, we met his wife (a perfect 10 if there ever is one) and him for lunch on a Saturday. My wife actually brought it to their attention that perhaps she had spent too much time talking about running and outside interests, and not enough time keeping things professional. Dr OM replied that he never thought anything different- he just thought that she was being nice and trying to lighten the mood a bit, which is something he likes to do. The good thing about this guy is that his wife is about as vigilant as they come. She made it a point to get to know the staff he would be working with, and she handles all of his business affairs.

Still, as I type this, wifey and her on-call crew are having to stay over for a few hours. Never ending cycle...


----------



## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

I was groped on my inner thigh by a dr, this guy was old enough to be my grandfather and had been at the hospital (where he was the head -----) for many years. I *can't* have been the first woman he groped in all those years there. I also saw him flirt outrageously with the receptionists. I never said anything to anyone, I was intimidated.


----------



## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Of course it happens in other professions. I don't think anyone is saying it doesn't. I don't think anyone posting here said this is something completely exclusive to doctors. However, some professions - pilots, physicians, realtors, preachers, police officers, politicians - for example tend to have higher rates of infidelity.


Coffee---Can you back up your statements with facts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

OK, then to exclude other professions and to make my reply strictly hospital, physician-oriented. Then, nope. Haven't noticed it over much. I've been pretty much treated as a knowledgeable, competent professional by physicians. Maybe being an "ICU bulldog" has something to do with that. Which is not to say that I'm unattractive, hence not hit upon. I'd post photos or stats but that would be crass.


----------

