# Cheats on me then leaves after 11 years



## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

A bit of background - 

I got with my ex in 2003. Had our son in 2006, got engaged first in 2011, 'split up' for 3 months in 2012, spent £2500 on a new engagement ring in October 2014 and proposed to her on our 11th anniversary in November

Up to 5 weeks ago, I thought we were happy and settled. Planning our wedding, and talking about another baby. Then the bombshell.

When I was in bed 4 fridays ago, getting up the next morning at 6.30 to go to work overtime to save for our wedding, my fiance went and had sex with someone. I found out the very next morning. It ruined me. I spent the next 2 weeks in the gutter, absolutely destroyed. She seemed remorseful, wrecked with guily. Until she slept with him again 2 weeks later. 

Still, after this, I told her I'd be willing to try counselling and taking things one step at a time to see if we could sort it out. I wanted to keep our family together, to try to save our impending marriage. But she cut it all out. Throughout the last 3 weeks, she has been nothing but horrible to me. Almost as if I'm the one that cheated on our family. 

I'm as close to 100% certain she is still seeing this guy. She's been caught out lying about where she is going and where she has been twice in the last week alone. But she says she's not. 

We have a mutual friend who has been helping us both. I spoke to her last night and she indicated that my ex had indicated to her that she is pushing me away because she wants to have space to work her head out and decide what she wants. I don't believe that. I believe she is pushing me away becuase she doesn't want to tell me about still seeing the other guy.

She went out last Friday night while I had my son staying with me. She has never ever in her life left her cats out overnight, but she left 2 of them out all night. I knew she was going out. I knew who she was going out with (a mutual female friend (who had been helping me deal with this immensely but my ex stopped me talking to her), and the mutual friends sister in law)When I went up to the house on Saturday morning, and obviously seen she hadn't been back, I rang her. She wouldn't say where she was, but denied she was with this guy. She said she is waiting on a taxi and would be back in about 15 minutes. So I waited for about 20 then left. She rang me about an hour later then said she was in the mutual friends sister in laws on the friday night, and at the time of the call was in the mutual friends house. I didn't believe her but tried to take it at face value. So I was speaking to the mutual friend last night, and she said she had absolutely no idea where she went as my ex stayed in the taxi after she got out. The three of them are pretty close, so I find it extremely hard to believe that not one of the two of them mentioned to the mutual friend that they had went and stayed and had a drink and my ex stayed over until 12 in the afternoon. 

Last Tuesday she claimed to be going for a drink in the mutual friends house. So when I had our son, I text and asked could I call to get the house key to get our son's DVD player as mine packed in. No reply. So I called to the mutual friends half an hour later and she wasn't there. No idea where she was. She then text me about half an hour after this and said she was out with another friend. This is until the next morning when I went up to give her the car for work, and seen 2 cinema tickets in her bag. She claimed her and her other friend went to watch Fast and Furious 7, which I absolutely know my ex has no interest in. The thing is, after she told me she was going to the mutual friends, I dropped that friend to the shop. I was back at the house around 8, and left around 8.20. The film started at 9.15. She would have had to organise this cinema date with the other friend within the space of me getting back at 8, got herself into the cinema which is at least £10 in a taxi away, and her other friend would have had to travel about 20 minutes from the opposite direction. There is other, easily more accessible cinemas they could have went to, but this one is at least 20 minute walk from the nearest public transport. So it all doesn't add up with that.

I'm just completely lost with it all. Trying my best to hold it together for our son but I'm just panicing all day every day, depressed, and she doesn't give a ****. I've tried telling her I want to know if it is still going on just so I can close her out and move on with my life. But she insists she's not, but still gets caught out lying.

I am absolutely devastated. Constantly in a state of panic, and really do not know what to do.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dude. Kick her to the f*cking curb and be grateful that you never married her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

He can't kick her to the curb. He's an English male. He's fvcked.  He will be lucky if he gets to see his kid once a week.

British women... More and more every day I am coming to the conclusion that a large percentage of them are the worst females on the planet. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

All I want is for her to tell me the truth. She's completely using me even now in regards to my car. She gets it during the day when I'm at work. Hasn't once offered me a penny towards it, and went absolutely mental 2 weeks ago when I told her she's not having it any more. Granted, it's handy for her to take our son out. But she uses it for work when he's at school. I think she won't tell me the truth because she believes if she admits she's still seeing him, I'll take the car from her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Gerrard

Of course she is still lying to you.

And the quicker you accept it, face the music and realize she is a liar and cheat the better off you will be.

Why do you two not live together now?

Why have you shown her no consequences for her sleeping with this OM?

And do you know who the Other Man (OM) is? Is he married?

You two are not getting married now. So do the right thing. Dump her butt, love your kid and move on.

The quicker you stop begging and pleading, the quicker she sees you moving on in life without her the better off you will be.

I know this is not what you want to hear but it is the truth.

HM


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GerrardB said:


> All I want is for her to tell me the truth. She's completely using me even now in regards to my car. She gets it during the day when I'm at work. Hasn't once offered me a penny towards it, and went absolutely mental 2 weeks ago when I told her she's not having it any more. Granted, it's handy for her to take our son out. But she uses it for work when he's at school. I think she won't tell me the truth because she believes if she admits she's still seeing him, I'll take the car from her.


AYFKM? You know the truth. She's lying.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

GerrardB said:


> Throughout the last 3 weeks, she has been nothing but horrible to me. Almost as if I'm the one that cheated on our family.


I think they do this to somehow convince themselves they are justified in cheating. "If I treat him badly, he must be doing some thing badly, so I'm justified in cheating! And also treating him badly!" (I'm experiencing the same behavior from my STBX)

You really don't need any more proof than you already have. She's not going to admit it unless you provide her with forensic proof. She's absolutely cheating.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> All I want is for her to tell me the truth. She's completely using me even now in regards to my car. She gets it during the day when I'm at work. Hasn't once offered me a penny towards it, and went absolutely mental 2 weeks ago when I told her she's not having it any more. Granted, it's handy for her to take our son out. But she uses it for work when he's at school. I think she won't tell me the truth because she believes if she admits she's still seeing him, I'll take the car from her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you should take the car from her.

You are not her father. You are her partner.

And if she has no intention of being honest and faithful with you then the writing is on the wall.

Don't you agree Bernard?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> And you should take the car from her.
> 
> You are not her father. You are her partner.
> 
> ...


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Take the car and stop all contact with her.


Do not answer her calls, do not text her.

Time to get her out of your life.

Have your attorney deal with her. Maybe she does not care for your son and will just walk away.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Don't ruin your life. Don't marry this woman. Do not have a second child with this woman. DNA your kid to make sure that the child is yours. She will continue to lie and cheat on you. You will have a tortured life if you continue in this road.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

The car thing has been wrecking my head for weeks. It will have a detrimental effect on my son by me not letting her use it. Yes this is allher doing, she hhasn't once tried to shift the blame onto me, but I don't want my son adversely affected by that scumbags actions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well the good news is that -- with no wedding to fund -- you can drop all the overtime. With that out of the picture, will you be able to make alternate arrangements for your son?


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

We've already agreed on nights etc that he's staying with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Locke.Stratos (Sep 27, 2014)

What I want to know is why aren't you angry?



GerrardB said:


> All I want is for her to tell me the truth.


She is clearly and very obviously cheating on you, why do you need her to come outright and say it? You know the truth.

She is a cheater and cheaters lie marvellously and without discrimination. She will lie to you because it's not in her best interest to tell you the truth.



GerrardB said:


> We have a mutual friend who has been helping us both. I spoke to her last night and she indicated that my ex had indicated to her that she is pushing me away because she wants to have space to work her head out and decide what she wants. I don't believe that. I believe she is pushing me away becuase she doesn't want to tell me about still seeing the other guy.


You have this correct, she is dating/seeing/in a relationship with this other guy. That's the reason and motivation behind her behaviour and attitude. She is not the woman you knew, that woman was a woman who cared about you. This one doesn't.

Honestly get the ring back, sell it and and move on with your life.

It's okay to be a pathetic mess over this, what you're going through is devastating but you need to be better. Take better care of yourself, treat yourself better, believe that you deserve better than her.

You have no control over her, she will do what she wants and feels like. Accept that and work on what you do have control over and that is yourself. Limit your comunication with her, no calls, only meet in person when you have to, communicate through text and only if it concerns your son. Other than that you should not see or talk to her.

Take your f****** car back, if it's in your name and you're not married then she has no right to it other than what you allow. If she takes it without your permission then report it stolen. Take care of your son, confide in and seek help from your close friends (anyone that advises you to try to work it out with her or take her back is not your friend) and family, socialize and make time to exercise or join a gym so that you have a physical outlet for your emotions and feel better about yourself.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> The car thing has been wrecking my head for weeks. It will have a detrimental effect on my son by me not letting her use it. Yes this is allher doing, she hhasn't once tried to shift the blame onto me, but I don't want my son adversely affected by that scumbags actions.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can't have everything. Your son is already adversely affected. His happy home with mummy and daddy has just been taken from him by your partner.

Giving her use of your car just lets her have no consequence for cheating on you. She has to feel her life change for the worse or your situation will not change for the better.

Good luck whatever happens


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Let her go, it is not worth getting hurt over. You owe your child a stable parent, someone to be a role model for.

You have no relationship, she broke it off, and you need to recognize that fact.

Hate to tell you this, but you owe her nothing, not loyalty, waiting, she is not in a relationship with you, thus you are in a relationship of one.

If you define relationship as emotional investments, she is not investing in the both of you, and you are the only one who is trying.

You need to get that mindset inside your head.

I suggest you invest in you, and stop the bleeding now. Your banging your head against a wall, and there is no purpose for it.

You checking up on her is not going to do anything, all you will get is a wall. You have enough information to know that she checked out. If you went and slept with someone right now, I would not blame you because she has already broken the relationship.

Give her up, and put priority in yourself, because she is not, and you are responsible for yourself.

You cannot make her be in a relationship with you, that is everyone's choice in whether they participate or not.

You may love her, but she is not the type of person you want to be in the type of a relationship with, and that is something you need to focus on. Your not focusing on the qualities that will only cause you probable pain and suffering.

Get some distance and get the love goggles removed. Love is an addiction, a drive, and you need to break that bond that you have.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

I cannot for the life of me come up with one good reason for her to keep that car. Your "nice guy syndrome" is messing with your mind. She's cheating time to get pissed.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Oh...and another thing....You need to drop to your knees and thank the good lord your ex showed her true colors before you married.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

:iagree:

You also need to tell us why you moved out and not her?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ButtPunch said:


> I cannot for the life of me come up with one good reason for her to keep that car. Your "nice guy syndrome" is messing with your mind. She's cheating time to get pissed.





happyman64 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> You also need to tell us why you moved out and not her?


:scratchhead:

Dude... at some point you owe it to the rest of dude-dom to stop being such an extreme beta wussbag and F*CKING STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

In the UK, if you've been living together, have child together you have almost the same rights as a married couple (depends where you live). She can't just say "It's over!" like you're a pair of twelve year olds and expect that to be the end of it.

You need to speak to a lawyer if you haven't done so already.

If the advice here sounds harsh, it's because you need to understand your previous relationship is effectively over until she stops cheating. 

Have you told her parents or your parents exactly what's going on? Is she religious? Who else has influence on her? They need to be told what's going on.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Ask yourself why you think a woman would respect a man that furnishes her a car to go f#ck her new boyfriend. Why would she respect a man that can't stand up for himself when he's being treated like sh!t by her.

Son, I hate to tell you this but they're also laughing at you behind your back. Look up the cheater sites and see just how cheating wives really think of their nice husbands.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Up your T levels until you feel like wrestling a bull to the ground and eating it alive.

Your perspective will be better then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

GerrardB said:


> All I want is for her to tell me the truth. She's completely using me even now in regards to my car. She gets it during the day when I'm at work. Hasn't once offered me a penny towards it, and went absolutely mental 2 weeks ago when I told her she's not having it any more. Granted, it's handy for her to take our son out. But she uses it for work when he's at school. I think she won't tell me the truth because she believes if she admits she's still seeing him, I'll take the car from her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, but you should take the car from her regardless. If she wants a car, she can buy her own. What? She can't? Oh well. Sucks to be her.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> In the UK, if you've been living together, have child together you have almost the same rights as a married couple (depends where you live). She can't just say "It's over!" like you're a pair of twelve year olds and expect that to be the end of it.
> 
> You need to speak to a lawyer if you haven't done so already.
> 
> ...


Interesting


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

happyman64 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> You also need to tell us why you moved out and not her?


Her name on the rent book. I've never officially lived there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Dude... at some point you owe it to the rest of dude-dom to stop being such an extreme beta wussbag and F*CKING STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.


I think this is the soundest advice I've had yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Gerrard,

Sometimes the worst "fog" is not the one the WS is experiencing but the one that takes a grip on the BS mind, like yours.

It is our actions that define who we are. Her actions clearly show that she is not the woman you thought she was. But whoever she is, she has obviously lost any and all emotional/sexual attraction to you. As hard as it is, you must accept the reality that is in front of your face.

You would be well served if you read, print and read the following material multiple times.

*http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html#post306559*
*The 180 degree rules*
*"Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... *.

You will make it, we did. Count on it.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

morituri said:


> Gerrard,
> 
> Sometimes the worst "fog" is not the one the WS is experiencing but the one that takes a grip on the BS mind, like yours.
> 
> ...


Thanks mate. I'll check that out tomorrow. Been having a pretty vicious text argument with her all night. I'm not even angry. I'm not even emotional. Just numb. But I've told her I want to get all my stuff that's still in the house tomorrow night, and she won't be using the car anymore. I just hope I follow through with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I just hope I follow through with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You *will* follow through with it. Your ultimatums mean nothing if you back down from them.

Also remember; it takes two to have an argument. Remove yourself from the equation and she has no one to argue with. And besides, you engaging in all that arguing is further reinforcing (in her addle mind at least) she is doing the right thing. Don't fall into that trap.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

I just got this text from her 


U havent once let me tell u or say anyrhing these last few,weeks u just think what u like then say im lying about everything so why should I bother 


Looks like someone doesn't like what I've been saying the last few hours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GerrardB said:


> I just got this text from her
> 
> 
> U havent once let me tell u or say anyrhing these last few,weeks u just think what u like then say im lying about everything so why should I bother
> ...


Ignore her.


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## NWCooper (Feb 19, 2013)

I think a nice reply to her last text would be, "you are the cheater and the liar, so why should I bother? And I won't be anymore. If you have something to say regarding our child, I will listen, otherwise I think we have nothing further to discuss"


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You should just stop responding to her unless it has to do with your kid or getting your stuff.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> Thanks mate. I'll check that out tomorrow. Been having a pretty vicious text argument with her all night. I'm not even angry. I'm not even emotional. Just numb. But I've told her I want to get all my stuff that's still in the house tomorrow night, and she won't be using the car anymore. I just hope I follow through with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to follow through Gerrard.

She is the one breaking up the family. Let her feel the consequences.

Now.


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## PBDad (Apr 13, 2015)

Book. 

Married Man Sex Life Primer. Will explain you to you. Nothing will explain her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I just got this text from her
> 
> 
> U havent once let me tell u or say anyrhing these last few,weeks u just think what u like then say im lying about everything so why should I bother
> ...


This is called blame shifting. Somebody has to be at fault for this mess and she has decided that it is you. Her only other alternative is to take blame herself and you know she is not going to do that anytime soon. There really is no need to talk to her at this time as she is incapable of telling you the truth. You can let her have the car if it serves your purposes (ie your son), but I imagine that this is much more a convenience to her than your son. 

She is no longer your friend, buddy or pal, she is your ex. Your relationship now is a legal one with regards to your son, treat the relationship as such. Don't waste your time trying to get her back or even explain why or where she has been it is irreverent. Become too busy living your life that you don't have time for her static noise. Concentrate your efforts on you and your son and that is enough for now.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

So let me get this straight, if she admits she's banging this dude in your car, and all her friends know and laugh at you, you will still marry this this this, whatever she is ??

G, you a grown as man, grow a pair, and stop using your son as an excuse to keep hanging on to just a lil bit of her.

Your perfect family and fairytale happy ending with her is OVER if you are any kind of man.

Do you have any idea of what a marriage to this person will be like.

She will have to give up ALL those supposed friends for life, because they sure as sht will not be a real friend to you.

You can stick your head in the sand and still fall for this sht, but I will gaurantee a repeat with more kids that may not even be your.

Are you ready, DNA your son now, and let her know you are doing it.

YOU as a grown thinking person KNOW she is cheating and her friends are helping her. So why should you even be wondering if you can stick to it.
And please go get your T levels checked.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Cheating. With men who are okay to cheat with mother of young children.

Your kids. Around guys like this. Around a role model like her to teach them loyalty and respect.

Marrying her will make this so very much better.

Does this really sound like a good idea to you?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

You need to stop the conversations with her. You are only hitting a wall. I know you want validation from her, but you will not get it. You want her to acknowledge the hurt, and what she put you and your child through. She will not.

You have enough info to leave her, which is weird, because she has already left you behind, but you are chasing her so you cannot see it.

Keep reminding yourself that your no longer in a relationship with her as it takes two to be in one. You did not break the family, she left you, so how did you break it. You did not neglect, abuse, use drugs, nor did she communicate at any time she was done until she left you for another person.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Part one completed. Just back at my place after dropping my son to school. The car is back with me too. I've to drop my kids stuff in later before I go to work though. I can just leave it in the back shed and let her know it's there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

VFW said:


> This is called blame shifting. Somebody has to be at fault for this mess and she has decided that it is you. Her only other alternative is to take blame herself and you know she is not going to do that anytime soon. There really is no need to talk to her at this time as she is incapable of telling you the truth. You can let her have the car if it serves your purposes (ie your son), but I imagine that this is much more a convenience to her than your son.
> 
> She is no longer your friend, buddy or pal, she is your ex. Your relationship now is a legal one with regards to your son, treat the relationship as such. Don't waste your time trying to get her back or even explain why or where she has been it is irreverent. Become too busy living your life that you don't have time for her static noise. Concentrate your efforts on you and your son and that is enough for now.


I'll admit, she hasn't once tried to blame me for doing it. No matter how heated our arguments have been, she hasn't once said I didn't do this or I didn't do that. She's accepted full responsibility. Said she wasn't happy for a while and should have spoke to me. Still doesn't excuse the fact she is now worthless which I have told her. 

I haven't yet heard from her this morning. Normally I would have about the car. I think she knows now I'm determined to follow through with what I said last night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> She's accepted full responsibility. Said *she wasn't happy for a while* and should have spoke to me.


We've heard that before. Probably couldn't find the time in between planning the wedding and talking about having another baby with you. 



> I think she knows now I'm determined to follow through with what I said last night.


Whatever you said, make sure you follow through.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Not surprisingly, she's being a **** about me getting the rest of my stuff from the house. I told her I want it to have all trace of me gone, as she wanted, then there's nothing to connect me to her life after that bar our son. Now she's being a wanker. I haven't been angry at heronce since last night. Reading some of the posts on here is exactly what I needed rather than the things I've been told the last few weeks from others. I feel sorry for her because she's such a horrible disgusting human being who leaves nothing but chaos and destruction behind her. 
Bad days are still ahead. I'm aware of that. But it's great to have a day like today where I'm feeling settled and content. This is the first day I've felt like this since it all happened.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

GerrardB said:


> Not surprisingly, she's being a **** about me getting the rest of my stuff from the house. I told her I want it to have all trace of me gone, as she wanted, then there's nothing to connect me to her life after that bar our son. Now she's being a wanker. I haven't been angry at heronce since last night. Reading some of the posts on here is exactly what I needed rather than the things I've been told the last few weeks from others. *I feel sorry for her because she's such a horrible disgusting human being who leaves nothing but chaos and destruction behind her. *
> Bad days are still ahead. I'm aware of that. But it's great to have a day like today where I'm feeling settled and content. This is the first day I've felt like this since it all happened.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This describes my STBX as well, and also how he doesn't blame me for anything (admits to it all being his fault) yet still treats me like shyt as if I DID do something. 

Glad you followed through and are feeling strong!!


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> This describes my STBX as well, and also how he doesn't blame me for anything (admits to it all being his fault) yet still treats me like shyt as if I DID do something.
> 
> Glad you followed through and are feeling strong!!


I'll probably be a mess again this time tomorrow haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

She will treat you like you are still somewhat in a relationship with her, but show her that she has as much say as a stranger.

The only relevance that she has in your life is that you both have to parent your child together. Just like you have no say on how she is living, the same goes in reverse as well.

As I am sure you're figuring out now, when you stop seeing her in a loving light, the picture is different. Unfortunately nature drugs us to keep us bonded for the purpose of raising offspring.

She has a new relationship that gives her more of that hormonal cc0cktail. She is in the infatuation stage of a new relationship, and the chances of it working out is slim. It is not often that someone hits a home run on the first try. Not to mention she is bringing her own flaws and baggage into the new relationship.

Odds are that she will be running back if things flame out, and the less you are in her life, the more she can get entangled in this new relationship, the faster they will get out of that honeymoon phase.

There is a chance that they could be nearly perfectly compatible, so do not waste time waiting for her to return.

Learn to be happy and confident with the person you are. Reaffirm yourself of those good qualities that you possess. Next tiem, be aware more of others flaws, and learn to detach at times to clear your head of the love goggles.


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## South Stand (Dec 17, 2014)

Sorry your here, but at least you are here now. I wish I had found this site at the time when I found out. I suggest reading the information at the link below and follow it. This is brilliant in my opinion. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

So glad you are listening to the advice. Most betrayed spouses on here are determined to learn the hard way. You are getting sound advice from experienced posters. 

Stop the arguments with her. You are just reassuring her that she made the right decision. You are finished with her game, take the ball and go home.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

"We've already agreed on nights etc that he's staying with me." This should read: She is telling me when I can see my son!

Gerrad man, come on!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get checked for STDs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## leon1 (Sep 3, 2014)

I hope you keep posting here , the people here will really help you .I hope you got the engagement ring back to , you can sell it and buy something nice for you and your son .


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BTW getting the DNA of child in the UK without the permission of the mother is illegal.

You would be able to do it via a court order. 

See a solicitor for advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

kenmoore14217 said:


> "We've already agreed on nights etc that he's staying with me." This should read: She is telling me when I can see my son!
> 
> Gerrad man, come on!


It reads exactly as it should read. We've agreed it. 3 nights one week, 4 nights the next. So 50/50 over the space of a fortnight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

ButtPunch said:


> So glad you are listening to the advice. Most betrayed spouses on here are determined to learn the hard way. You are getting sound advice from experienced posters.
> 
> Stop the arguments with her. You are just reassuring her that she made the right decision. You are finished with her game, take the ball and go home.


I was doing it the hard way until I posted on here. The advice and comments here are completely different to another forum I was using. So I'm sticking with this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GerrardB said:


> I think this is the soundest advice I've had yet.


Thanks, I'll be here all week.

Try the veal. Tip your waitress.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

GerrardB said:


> Not surprisingly, she's being a **** about me getting the rest of my stuff from the house. I told her I want it to have all trace of me gone, as she wanted, then there's nothing to connect me to her life after that bar our son. Now she's being a wanker. I haven't been angry at heronce since last night. Reading some of the posts on here is exactly what I needed rather than the things I've been told the last few weeks from others. I feel sorry for her because she's such a horrible disgusting human being who leaves nothing but chaos and destruction behind her.
> Bad days are still ahead. I'm aware of that. But it's great to have a day like today where I'm feeling settled and content. This is the first day I've felt like this since it all happened.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is normal, if she has been in control of the relationship all this time her go-to reaction at first is anger and trying to forcibly take control again when you go off program. She'll try to call your bluff and even bluff herself to get you back in line.

After a bit (and you keep your cool) she will switch gears and play nice and try to "sweet talk" you back. Regardless of what she really wants she is going to want to do things on her terms to maintain control. To do that she has to find ways to get you under her thumb. Expect her to change tactics soon.

The best thing to do is ignore her and when forced to communicate be as robotic as possible. Short and businesslike and only address what you have to and blatantly ignore anything personal. This will destroy her ego in time.

The point is to turn to the tables to your favor so it becomes easier to do what you need to do for yourself instead of fighting your emotions. You'll no longer feel like you were rejected and instead feel like you are rejecting her. No only that, this is the best way to see any remorse if she has any.

NOBODY likes to be ignored, not even cheaters. You can't say the wrong things if you say nothing at all.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

The first thing you need to realize is that your mind is in no shape to make rational decisions right now. You need time to process, think, and to decide what to do.

For me, I knew I was ready to act when I got angry.

Until then, you just need to do two things:
#1 no contact at all unless it's about your child.
#2 go and talk to a lawyer and do exactly what that dude says.

When you get mad, let us know, because you'll be ready then.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

ArmyofJuan said:


> This in normal, if she has been in control of the relationship all this time her go-to reaction at first is anger and trying to forcibly take control again when you go off program. She'll try to call your bluff and even bluff herself to get you back in line.
> 
> After a bit (and you keep your cool) she will switch gears and play nice and try to "sweat talk" you back. Regardless of what she really wants she is going to want to do thinks on her terms to maintain control.* To do that she has to find ways to get you under her thumb.* Expect her to change tactics soon.
> 
> ...


And would you want to be with someone who is consciously doing that to someone she claimed to love and is the father of her child? The monster.. unveiled. 

It's not a tug of war of respect or control. It's about not letting yourself suffer abuse from someone you loved and trusted. She may as well be an enemy right now.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> I'll admit, she hasn't once tried to blame me for doing it. No matter how heated our arguments have been, she hasn't once said I didn't do this or I didn't do that. She's accepted full responsibility. Said she wasn't happy for a while and should have spoke to me. Still doesn't excuse the fact she is now worthless which I have told her.
> 
> I haven't yet heard from her this morning. Normally I would have about the car. I think she knows now I'm determined to follow through with what I said last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do I understand you correctly to say that she has accepted full responsibility for the damage she's done to your relationship?

If she wants to save your relationship, she knows how to contact you and what she has to do. It takes two to have a reconciliation, and unless she is 100% for a reconciliation (which means dumping all boyfriends as a first step) you just go on with your life and put her out of your mind.

Are you certain that your child is actually yours? If not consult a lawyer to see what can be done to test it. The truth need not change your relationship with him, but if there is any question in your mind, it will keep you from spending years wondering about it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She might accept the blame but might be shrugging her shoulders and saying: "Oh, well! Too bad!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

sidney2718 said:


> Do I understand you correctly to say that she has accepted full responsibility for the damage she's done to your relationship?
> 
> If she wants to save your relationship, she knows how to contact you and what she has to do. It takes two to have a reconciliation, and unless she is 100% for a reconciliation (which means dumping all boyfriends as a first step) you just go on with your life and put her out of your mind.
> 
> Are you certain that your child is actually yours? If not consult a lawyer to see what can be done to test it. The truth need not change your relationship with him, but if there is any question in your mind, it will keep you from spending years wondering about it.


She has yes. Not once has she tried to avoid that this is all her doing, or blamed me for making her unhappy. That however, has no bearing on the fact she has no interest in reconciliation. She's made that blatantly obvious. And I believe 100% now that it's because that other guy is still banging her. I've accepted that. And while it hurts, there's **** all I can do about it. His loss, because she's ****ing mental. 

I don't doubt for 1 second that my son is mine. Never ever has it entered my head that he isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> She might accept the blame but might be shrugging her shoulders and saying: "Oh, well! Too bad!"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Correct
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> Correct
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She sounds wonderful.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

staystrong said:


> She sounds wonderful.


Well she's still getting drilled by the guy that she ended our family for, so wonderful isn't quite the word I would use.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> Well she's still getting drilled by the guy that she ended our family for, so wonderful isn't quite the word I would use.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Boy is she going to be surprised when she's all his and he won't want her anymore. Because that's what is going to happen.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

bfree said:


> Boy is she going to be surprised when she's all his and he won't want her anymore. Because that's what is going to happen.


I've thought about that. And I've told her I hope he ****s her over after she tells him she's in love with him. I'd really love for her to come back to me after that and tell me she's made a mistake and wants to try again just so I can laugh in her face and tell her to **** right off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I've thought about that. And I've told her I hope he ****s her over after she tells him she's in love with him. I'd really love for her to come back to me after that and tell me she's made a mistake and wants to try again just so I can laugh in her face and tell her to **** right off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, if you've detached correctly you won't have any desire to laugh in her face. What you will probably do is shake your head in pity and walk away.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

G my man you getting there, but still a way to go. You see, when you stop saying she doesn't want to reconcile, and start saying you will never reconcile with this person, and mean it, then your healing will really start.

Now others touched on this, but look, she is not finished with you yet. 
Thats the game with your stuff. Just trying to keep you confuse my man. You take the car, she act an as about your stuff.

You got a team here that can tell you just about everything she's going to try. So, if it's not about your son, there's nothing to talk about.

Oh, and IF by some really crazy reason you do talk her back, make sure she know she can NEVER be friends with the friends that covered for her.
But hopefully you now starting to realize it's only a hot bullet you just dodged.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

In fact, you should thank her for keeping you from marrying her, buying a house, an having more kids with her before she did this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I've thought about that. And I've told her I hope he ****s her over after she tells him she's in love with him. I'd really love for her to come back to me after that and tell me she's made a mistake and wants to try again just so I can laugh in her face and tell her to **** right off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gerrard, I know that as a fellow Brit, you will not do that. You'll just say: **"Oh, that's nice dear."

To any non-Brits, please let me explain that "Oh, that's nice dear" is the equivalent of saying: "Get the f**k outa here!":rofl: 

Gerrard, old mate, I hope these images will cheer you up :smthumbup:


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Haha. Is that last one Fern Britton :-D

Seriously though, I've felt really good today. I've thought about them being together, and it got me down for all of about 5 seconds. She's literally just text me now asking am I bringing our son to school tomorrow. I think I'll ignore that. 

Our son doesn't like to open up and talk. So when I left this evening after getting my stuff I messaged him on FB and asked how he's doing. He's ****ing melted. He said he blames himself and he wants me to come home and worryingly, said he'd rather die than me not come home. He's ****ing 8 years old. I screen printed the whole conversation and sent it to her. So she went and spoke to him and settled him. I'm not sure how much it affected her, if at all, that it is a direct result of her being a piece of ****.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Gerrard

The OM still drilling her has nothing to do with it. The sex has nothing to do with it.

Your STBX is broken.

She is selfish.

She is too weak to do the hard work to ever reconcile your relationship. She is too selfish to ever try to get you to trust her again.

It is easier to run away from you and the family.

Than it is to do the hard work and begin again.

Now just let her go. Wish her well. Love your son and yourself.

In time you will replace her with someone better and brighter.

And then wonder why the heck you ever wanted to be with the cheater in the first place.

HM


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Gerrard
> 
> The OM still drilling her has nothing to do with it. The sex has nothing to do with it.
> 
> ...


Reminds me of something CTS posted some time ago....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> Haha. Is that last one Fern Britton :-D
> 
> Seriously though, I've felt really good today. I've thought about them being together, and it got me down for all of about 5 seconds. She's literally just text me now asking am I bringing our son to school tomorrow. I think I'll ignore that.
> 
> ...


Gerrard, that's so wrong.  Get your boy into counselling.

BTW, the first young lady? Charlie Dimmock, the gardener. 

And yes, it was Fern!


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

What is STBX?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> What is STBX?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Soon To Be Ex



lordmayhem said:


> List of Acronyms of Infidelity so the newbies can follow the infidelity lingo here.
> 
> WW = Wayward Wife
> WH = Wayward Husband
> ...


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Do your families know what's going on??


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Jasel said:


> Do your families know what's going on??


Mine do. She said hers does, but I wouldn't be surprised if she's told her parents we just split up over an argument and kept the fact she is a ***** quiet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Is she just deliberately ****ing with my head? Refuses to have a conversation with me for three weeks leaving me with my own thoughts, catching her out on lies, not answering my questions, then she says this 

"Cus u dont listen and make ur own,**** up so I gave up trying and was wiling to have a convo with u but no more"

What the flying **** is that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Its a variation of the blamedefection game. Its your fault somehow, at least that is what she is trying to sell to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Back to full on depressed today for **** sake
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

GerrardB said:


> Is she just deliberately ****ing with my head? Refuses to have a conversation with me for three weeks leaving me with my own thoughts, catching her out on lies, not answering my questions, then she says this
> 
> "Cus u dont listen and make ur own,**** up so I gave up trying and was wiling to have a convo with u but no more"
> 
> ...


 She is having a full on affair as if that is no big deal, and is looking for ways to now blame you such that anything that you do or do not do (true or not) she will claim is a big deal. Remember while you have no one else right now, she has already moved on and has someone else, thus she is not hoping to patch things up while you are still willing to if she would make any effort to. It is the emotional advantage every cheater has over the honest partner. 

Tell her that even if her false claim that you would not have a convo with her were true, which it is not, her cheating and lying would give you every right not want to have a convo with her right now, and that if she had a shred of decency and remorse, she would know that and not try to blame you for it.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

The piece of **** does not have the words decency and remorse in her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

GerrardB said:


> Is she just deliberately ****ing with my head? Refuses to have a conversation with me for three weeks leaving me with my own thoughts, catching her out on lies, not answering my questions, then she says this
> 
> "Cus u dont listen and make ur own,**** up so I gave up trying and was wiling to have a convo with u but no more"
> 
> ...


Your response:

"I am sorry you feel that way"

Then shut up.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

GerrardB said:


> The piece of **** does not have the words decency and remorse in her
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why should she? She hasn't hit bottom yet. 

There are actions you can take to speed the process up, but that might compromise your potential divorce settlement. 

For now, you will have to be disciplined in the long game.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

We aren't married. Due to be, but she ****ed that off for some ****

I've got all my stuff out of the house. Just need to get all my tools and **** from the shed. 

Next step is finding a buyer for her engagement ring that I'll be paying off for the next 18 months.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You need to search Regroup' thread out. It ended in 2013, but there is so much you could learn from it. 

It is long. 6k posts long. But it will teach you much.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> We aren't married. Due to be, but she ****ed that off for some ****
> 
> I've got all my stuff out of the house. Just need to get all my tools and **** from the shed.
> 
> ...


That's it in a nutshell. Can you get the ring back? If so, you've got the best deal that you can. Move on with your life and don't look back.

If she won't give the ring back, then it is an expensive lesson. Learn from it and move on.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Yeah I've got the ring. Told her earlier I'd sold it to sew if she had any reaction but nothing at all. She's a ****
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Still too much focus on her. What are you doing with yourself other than sitting around stewing about how much you dislike your STBX?


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

You are not married to her yet? Be very very happy you never did and hopefully never will.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

farsidejunky said:


> Still too much focus on her. What are you doing with yourself other than sitting around stewing about how much you dislike your STBX?


Drinking
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Yeah...ummm

I'd also stop with the petty notifying her you're selling the ring or any of that beta I'm saying this to get a reaction out of you to hurt you.

You think words and snide remarks will get her back for what she's doing? You're slinging cotton balls at her and in return it makes you look weaker than you already are.

Unless it's about your son then stop contact. She's not going to apologise. You have no need for that because right now it's meanless while she's banging this dude.

Get your stuff, get your car and go dark.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

GerrardB said:


> Drinking
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Eh, knock that crap off. Booze is great for numbing and making you feel sorry for yourself. 

The sooner you are willing to really feel the pain, without escapes, the sooner you will heal.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

I'll get there eventually. Had a full day yesterday feeling great. Had one thought just before I went to bed and immediately brought me back down to earth with a bang. Felt ****ing terrible all day today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hmm. Has she got cold feet about the wedding?

Is her affair an exit affair to get out of the wedding?

Is she perhaps only pretending to have an affair in order to disgust you into just going away?


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> Next step is finding a buyer for her engagement ring that I'll be paying off for the next 18 months.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When asked about the ring, lie and say it was your grandmother's or some other story (part of an estate sale, etc). If it looks new, say you had it polished for sale.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

I'm still feeling like **** today. Picking my son up at 2.30, and she's going out until tomorrow. I've no doubt it's with this other piece of ****. Trying my best to just accept it. I'm taking my son out for the day so I'm not too worried for the next few hours anyway. It's just later tonight when we are back and he's in bed I know already my head will be spinning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

put together a puzzle, if you can work from home, do that (the increase in income won't hurt).

Anything to keep you mind occupied on something positive. It will help change the way you
Think bout all this stuff your going through. Distance and time will give you the perspective you 
Need. 

You've got this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Yeah I've been trying to think of things to do but then thinking of things to do on my own makes me depressed for **** sake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

look at it t hi is way. You are born alone, you die alone. 
The only person you will ever know in this world is you.

That is true for me, you, married, single, anybody.

BUT....you have your son. Because of that, you are never totally alone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> Drinking
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stop that before you become your own worst enemy. She can't destroy you, but you sure can.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> Stop that before you become your own worst enemy. She can't destroy you, but you sure can.


Yes. Do be careful, alcohol can do you damage. (Been there, done that! )


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

I just don't understand how someone could be sucha ****ing **** when they've been given literally everything they've ever asked for
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I just don't understand how someone could be sucha ****ing **** when they've been given literally everything they've ever asked for
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


More wants more.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

GerrardB said:


> I just don't understand how someone could be sucha ****ing **** when they've been given literally everything they've ever asked for
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Easy. You start with with someone with a sense of entitlement and wrap it around the belief that other people exist solely for his/her pleasure.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> I just don't understand how someone could be sucha ****ing **** when they've been given literally everything they've ever asked for
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know you are going to feel bad and have a lot of pain for awhile. Try to get through it without alcohol every night. There is no fast way to get through the pain you must be feeling right now. At least you learned this part of her before you got married and at least she made any decision regarding what you should do easy for you. 

During the past few years, I have read a lot of stories about cruel people, and unfortunately your ex is near the top. One hour at a time, then one day at a time.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

G, this is really really painful for your right now and you will go through the stages of shock & denial, obsession, anger, depression/grieving and eventually acceptance. You will go through this at different times and interchangeably.
There is no future with this woman, she is obviously not trustworthy to do this to you and your son. in a way you are lucky that you did not marry her as things may have been even worse. you will eventually meet someone who loves you and respects you.

You have to get to a place of acceptance for yourself and your son. You have to work on you and be the best man and best dad you can be for your son. It is unlikely that she is giving him the kind of support he needs as she is too focused on the OM and is deep in the A fog.
She may well wake up and realise what she is doing and has done. You have to be ready to make objective decisions at that point not ones based on emotions. You can do this.


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## May1968 (Dec 16, 2014)

Most if not all the people on here have lived your life; we know what went wrong and what worked for us so we are trying to pass that advice on to you. I never had the advantage of TAM so I did many wrong things. Hopefully you will listen and follow the advice given, no matter how hard it is, because it will help you in the end


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> Stop that before you become your own worst enemy. She can't destroy you, but you sure can.


Ain't that the truth. I self destructed after d-day. All it did was add to my misery.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I just don't understand how someone could be sucha ****ing **** when they've been given literally everything they've ever asked for
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That right there my friend is what is called a covert contact. Just because you gave her what she asked for and what you thought she wanted doesn't change a person. You need to recognize that and let it go.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

It's not even what I thought she wanted, it's what I knew she wanted. All within the last 6 months, she wanted to get engaged, plan the wedding, plan another baby, get a new kitchen. And she got it all. And as soon as she got it all, she just decides to **** someone else and tell me to get the **** out of her life. She's ****ing poison
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> It's not even what I thought she wanted, it's what I knew she wanted. All within the last 6 months, she wanted to get engaged, plan the wedding, plan another baby, get a new kitchen. And she got it all. And as soon as she got it all, she just decides to **** someone else and tell me to get the **** out of her life. She's ****ing poison
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, you're right, she is poison. But I doubt she ever truly knew or knows what she wants. In all of that list you posted where is it listed what you want? Since when is it or should be all about her? That's what I mean by covert contract. You give her everything she wants and you expect that she will return the favor. Never happens. You have to take care of your needs. You have to focus, at least part (most) of the time on yourself. If you don't value yourself why should she?


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

bfree said:


> Well, you're right, she is poison. But I doubt she ever truly knew or knows what she wants. *In all of that list you posted where is it listed what you want?* Since when is it or should be all about her? That's what I mean by covert contract. You give her everything she wants and you expect that she will return the favor. Never happens. You have to take care of your needs. You have to focus, at least part (most) of the time on yourself. If you don't value yourself why should she?


I wanted all of it too. For years neither of us had any interest in marriage. Then she started to change her mind, and while she was changing her mind then I started to come round to the idea aswell. 
Honestly, there were times in the past I thought this was never going to last, she was too good for me, she could have any man she wanted and I'm punching above my weight. But then the whole marraige conversations started and another baby has been discussed for years. My mindset changed and I accepted and believed, naively it seems, that she wanted to spend her life with me. I went full steam ahead into making her happy and she's repaid me like this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I wanted all of it too. For years neither of us had any interest in marriage. Then she started to change her mind, and while she was changing her mind then I started to come round to the idea aswell.
> Honestly, there were times in the past I thought this was never going to last, she was too good for me, she could have any man she wanted and I'm punching above my weight. But then the whole marraige conversations started and another baby has been discussed for years. My mindset changed and I accepted and believed, naively it seems, that she wanted to spend her life with me. I went full steam ahead into making her happy and she's repaid me like this.


One of you was too good for the other.

But it wasn't her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude it wasn't you...it was her!

She is broken and you drank her poison.
Vaginas have a way of making us make bad choices. Some cars look great but run like shyt...you can't blame your self for falling in love.

For what it's worth I treated my old lady like crap and gave her shyt....she still phucked around on me.

It's all about how they are wired...it has nothing to do with *us*.

Give it time the POS she is banging now will be saying the same shyt you are saying ....that's just how your chick is wired.

Granted I could be wrong and the POS banging her now can see she isn't worth much more then a piece of @ss, but in the end it's all about your old lady and how screwed up her thinking really is.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

The Guy - I'd appreciate you not generalizing. Not all Vaginas cheat, just like not all D1cks cheat. I didn't and I assume you didn't either. I completely agree w/you that Gerrard's ex is a piece of work.

Your comments re: wiring, etc. are just not helpful. Posts like yours encourage bitterness which is often translated to the next poor soul who dates someone who was cheated on. Every situation is different. As horrible as it is to cheat, once the dust settles it helps to acknowledge that relationship problems almost never happen in a vacuum. Every side almost always has lessons to learn.

Thanks.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> Honestly, there were times in the past I thought this was never going to last, *she was too good for me*, she could have any man she wanted and *I'm punching above my weight. *


This is why you're struggling now. And also why she's fine to think you're replaceable. You've helped her think that way.

You need to do: 

*The 180
*
1. Don’t pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

2. No frequent phone calls.

3. Don’t point out “good points” in marriage.

4. Don’t follow her/him around the house.

5. Don’t encourage or initiate discussion about the future.

6. Don’t ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner.

7. Don’t ask for reassurances.

8. Don’t buy or give gifts.

9. Don’t schedule dates together.

10. Don’t keep saying, “I Love You!” Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable.

11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!

12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.

13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!

14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t push any issue, no matter how much you want to!

15. If you’re in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.

16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that “they (the wayward partner)” are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life…without them!

17. Don’t be nasty, angry or even cold – Just pull yourself back. Don’t always be so available…for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you’re missing.

18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self-assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.

19. All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!

20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control. YOURSELF!

21. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.

22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!

23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Hear what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!

24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.

25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.

26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.

27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.

28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.

29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It’s not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don’t care.

30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!”

32. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.

33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don’t work out with the affair partner.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I wanted all of it too. For years neither of us had any interest in marriage. Then she started to change her mind, and while she was changing her mind then I started to come round to the idea aswell.
> Honestly, there were times in the past I thought this was never going to last, she was too good for me, she could have any man she wanted and I'm punching above my weight. But then the whole marraige conversations started and another baby has been discussed for years. My mindset changed and I accepted and believed, naively it seems, that she wanted to spend her life with me. I went full steam ahead into making her happy and she's repaid me like this.


Why would you think you were punching above your weight? Do you realize how rare a good man is? Friend, you are devaluing yourself big time. Women who manipulate, cheat and feel entitled are a dime a dozen. They can only accumulate power when it is handed to them because they lack the character to earn that power on their own. Take her power away. Start to realize that the power is yours and it comes from honor, courage and integrity. Maybe you misplaced those values or rather you placed them in the care of someone who didn't deserve them. It's time to reinvest in yourself. It's time to take back the power. It's time to be the man you were and the man you were meant to be.


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## eee!!! (May 24, 2015)

GerrardB said:


> A bit of background -
> 
> I got with my ex in 2003. Had our son in 2006, got engaged first in 2011, 'split up' for 3 months in 2012, spent £2500 on a new engagement ring in October 2014 and proposed to her on our 11th anniversary in November
> 
> ...


Im going through the same thing. Im separated from my husband . I caught him twice with two different women. He kicked me out of our house after 13 yrs together, first by text mess. then just came home and told me he was done with me get out. After he didn't get what he wanted from the second women he came back to me . I forgave him because someone told me it was braver to forgive and save your family, like an idiot I believed that , I had already moved out but still the second chance was on! A few Mondays ago he wasn't answering the phone and I just knew, I ent to my old house to my old bed, and found him their buck naked with yet another woman. This man still wants me to believe he loves me . People like this don't like to be alone so they string along the people who want to love them . But make no mistake as soon as they find someone they feel is better your tossed out again. Do yourself a favor take care of your child be sad that a long relationship is over, but start over its better and healthier for you and your child .


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

GerrardB said:


> I just don't understand how someone could be sucha ****ing **** when they've been given literally everything they've ever asked for
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gerard thats the problem. Unfortunately you have given her everything and she has taken your kindness for weakness.

Sorry you are going through this but you need to man up brother.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Sports Fan said:


> Gerard thats the problem. Unfortunately you have given her everything and she has taken your kindness for weakness.
> 
> Sorry you are going through this but you need to man up brother.


Sure am. I'm not too bad today but it's tonight and tomorrow when I know I'm going to be back to feeling like **** again and wondering what she's doing who she's with etc. Yes I know I shouldn't give a **** about it, but I'm not at that stage yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> Sure am. I'm not too bad today but it's tonight and tomorrow when I know I'm going to be back to feeling like **** again and wondering what she's doing who she's with etc. Yes I know I shouldn't give a **** about it, but I'm not at that stage yet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you will not be for a while, yet.

But feel free to vent here. :smile2:


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> Sure am. I'm not too bad today but it's tonight and tomorrow when I know I'm going to be back to feeling like **** again and wondering what she's doing who she's with etc. Yes I know I shouldn't give a **** about it, but I'm not at that stage yet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Especially at night when things slow down your mind will wander and you'll start thinking about her and your situation. Its common. You need to find something to distract you. For some its working out, some rearranging the house, for others its reading a book. Find something to keep your brain from focusing on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

I'm just getting worse and worse. I thought I was ok 2 days ago and dealing with it. Now I'm hurting as if it's just happened yesterday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

What you are feeling is what all of us felt, and it is completely normal.

Sending you a bro hug GerrardB.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Don't drink. Alcohol is a depressant. You dull the pain but end up lower as it wears off.

Instead of drinking work out. Hit the gym hard. Building muscles produces and aerobic training produces positive brain chemistry. Fatigue from training will help you sleep.

There are many sports activities that give you an opportunity to mix. Weekend hiking groups. Underwater hockey. Get a bike.

Your son's sports are another good way to forget the cheater.


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## abart (Aug 5, 2014)

Hope you get passed this GerrardB because not all women are like her ,just need to find a good one


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

abart said:


> Hope you get passed this GerrardB because not all women are like her ,just need to find a good one


If there is even one more woman in the world like her, I fear for humanity. Women breed, and if she spawns another female, then god help us all. 

Been arguing with her all day because I told her someone is interested in buying my garden tools (lawnmower, chainsaw, and hedge cutters) but he is being a knob about the price. She went mental and has just pretty much abused me the whole day. I don't need them anymore, and she can't afford to buy them off me, and she certainly wasn't getting them for nothing. 

All these things are things she never considered before jumping into bed with another guy, yet she's trying to make me out to be the nasty and spiteful party for simply taking what I own?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Ignore Her.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

This going to be a hard thing to focus on, but if left alone she'll self-destruct. Her self-destruction will be the open door for you to step in and be the responsible parent/authority.

Even harder, focus LONG-term. Years down the road, she's going to be a used up, fat, wrinkled skank. Her days are ticking away fast. You have the upper hand BIG TIME there.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

Its gonna be a long haul, but I want to tell you that the best way to get over someone is to stop idealizing them. Not idolizing, but idealizing them.

You suggested that you were "punching above your weight". Also, "she could have had any man that she wanted". That only adds to the feel of rejection. You feel like she is with a better man having a better time, and better sex and better everything. It makes you feel ****ty.

Here's the thing. Its all Bullshyte. You were not punching above your weight. You thought she was awesome, but really? A lying, manipulative, cheater? 

You lady was awesome to you. Not awesome. She could not have had any guy she wanted because she didn't. Unless you cheated with her to get her from some other guy. Point is, she's ordinary. 

Stop glorifying her. Her sh*t stank like everyone else's. She was and is a liar. Nothing pretty about that. Just being real, but as you describe her, she sounds like a troll. I've been with average looking women who were beautiful and beautiful women who were hideous. I watched a guy who was being hit on by every hot girl in the club dote on his objectively speaking, morbidly obese acne scarred girlfriend. She was beautiful to him, but on a scale of 1-10, she was a 1. 

You've lost nothing but a bad habit.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That is a small island you live on. You'll find another woman pretty quickly if you get in shape and try your best to look nice. Get the divorce proceedings going as soon as you can.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

How are your doing today?


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Honestly, I've been completely miserable all week. 
I'm keeping myself busy, but still constantly thinking about her. Who she's with, what she's doing. I'm trying not to, but I can't help it. 
She's already booking holidays and weekends away. I'd love to know where she's getting the money for them because all I hear from her is about not being able to get to work or afford food or anything. 
It's been 7 weeks now and I just feel I'm getting worse but I'm just struggling on with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Not interested what's going on in her life, so long as she's looking after your son when she has him.


GerrardB said:


> It's been 7 weeks now and I just feel I'm getting worse but I'm just struggling on with it.


What are your living arrangements now? How are you moving forward?


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

azteca1986 said:


> Not interested what's going on in her life, so long as she's looking after your son when she has him.
> What are your living arrangements now? How are you moving forward?


I've moved in with my sister for now? 
No idea really. Just pretty much going to work then coming home then at the weekends trying to get people to go out when I don't have my son.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> I've moved in with my sister *for now*?
> No idea really. Just pretty much going to work then coming home then at the weekends trying to get people to go out when I don't have my son.


Well mate, it's been seven weeks now. I take it you're in a guest room? On the couch? 

Whatever, it's important to get your own space for your sake. You have to accept the situation you've been put in. And move on from there - physically and mentally.

Think about it, what kind of place would get if it was totally geared to you and your son's needs. Would it have a pool table? Does he love riding his bike? Does he love swimming? There's so many possibilities. 

Your ex has moved on. Sitting and dwelling on the sh!t situation she's put you all in isn't helping you. Which is why you have to start moving too.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Instead of having the nights of downtime and thoughts of this mess filling your head, and if you do not have a good read at hand, watch few movies with Jason Stratham or Ryan Gosling. Those will get your head right. Accidentally I did this and it was good medicine. Probably about 1/100th the dose I needed, but still good and restorative.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Is there just simply something ingrained in people that makes them compulsive liars. Even the smallest ***king thing she is lying about. 
I hadn't heard from the scum since Sunday afternoon. I get a text message on Sunday evening stating "I wasn't meant to ring you." Funny, because there was no call on my phone. I ignored that. 
Monday afternoon I get a message via our sons facebook from her. She asked me to ring her friend as she had left her mobile in her car. I thought about it and decided as the messages are through our sons facebook, I'll do it to avoid an argument that he may see. So I rang her and no problem, she'll get her husband to drop the phone down to my ex. 
16.12 her husband texts me and said he's just dropped it down to her. I thought my ex would have had the decency to at least say thanks, but nothing. So come 16.30, I sent a sarcastic "No problem." Nearly ten minutes later I then get a "Thanks." Admittedly, being a bit in an argumentative mood, I then said, That must have been so hard for you to say to me. Then comes the absolutely pointless lie. "David just dropped my phone off there"
What is the purpose of that lie? Is it just something she now feels she has to do whenever she contacts me?

I'd a very very rough day yesterday. It's 3.15am so Monday is yesterday. I looked up suicide websites. I wouldn't have the cahones to go through with it, but even thinking about it is bad enough. I just do not see how I can get over it and it's been nearly 8 weeks now and when I think I'm getting better, I end up worse than ever after a good day.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Stop interacting with her. You are smack dab in the drama triangle with her. Do you know what that is?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Gerrard you need to get some talking therapy sorted with your doctor. He should have people he can recommend.

Those suicide websites? I can understand that. Perfectly normal. Been there, done that, as they say.

Your ex and her lying? The really big lies are the ones she is telling herself.

Because she must be aware she is a POS, but doesn't want to acknowledge this. 

Hang on in there. We are here for you.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

The reason she lies to you is that she doesn't care about you enough to tell the truth. She's a cheater, cheaters lie. It's their natural state of existence. For her to go against her natural instinct to lie would take effort. And to her you aren't worth that effort. What you should be asking yourself is why are you making any effort for her?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

G, you are focusing on the wrong person. You need to be looking at places that will appeal to you and your son. Giving her the power still control you is weak, and not the man you have been.

Go back and read your 1st post. Now look for all the people that have helped her deceive you. 
These are people you now cut out of your life. They are not your friend and was not a friend of the relationship.

Remember the pretty girls you saw and said to yourself "man if only I wasn't engaged." Guess what? Your'er not anymore.
You have the chance to reset your life to suit you and no one else.
Start by reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy", then "the Married Man Sex Life Primer."
These have helped more BS here than anything else. Especially combined with the 180.

I mean, COME ON MAN !!! 
You decent looking, built well, got a good job, got a little cash, a decent car, and NOWWWWW you'er freaking single, and you worrying over some sk##k.

G when I say reset, I mean your WHOLE life. Mental, physical, and emotionally. You are in this GREAT sweetspot that few ever get. Use it. We all make BIG as mistakes, the trick is to trick yourself now into seeing her for the snake she really is.

Study your son. Pay attention to the things he really like. Start thinking of ways to gently guide him into things that will benefit him later in life.
While alone, research those things you think he would like and could be a very good career for him, and try to plan things that can include touching those.

You have way more to do than brood on some snakes in the grass. You cut the grass then go about your biz.

G. you got this man, I have faith in you to raise a fine, healthy, bright, well rounded young man, you just got to reset and refocus.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

A Big THANKS to bfree. G, the above post said it clearer than I could ever say. You just not worth the effort to her.
Return that in spades with the 180


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Another needless lie tonight. Picked my son up earlier. She put his stuff in the car. (I didn't even so much as look at her) She then messages me not long after saying she forgot to put his school bag in the car and could I come and get it. My car is getting serviced tomorrow, and I was in the middle of cleaning it out, so I told her I'll be round for it shortly. She then said I need to come now because she was going out. I told her to leave it out in the shed, as I am in the middle of cleaning my car out ready for service tomorrow. So I go up a while later, and there she is sitting with her mate having a drink. It's just lie after lie after lie. And they're pointless lies that don't even mean anything other than she's a bellend. 

Big row earlier. I feel calm after it oddly. The more she is a vile hateful scumbag, the less I care about her.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Oh, and if someone could explain this '180' I keep seeing, that'd be great ;-)


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You're doing it already. End contact. Don't engage her in any intercourse, discourse, chat. Your son is the only subject.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Bro you must enjoy the drama, you really must.

Why do you keep engaging with her?

Why time after time do you keep handing over power over you?

You know she's winding you up, you can see she's winding you, you know she's about to wind you up then act surprised when she winds you up!

180. She calls keep it short and to the point. No waffling, trying to engage in meanless conversation unless it's about your boy.

No contact unless it's about your boy.

She calls to say she's getting her nails done or going out for a beer, you cut it off immediately because it's not about your boy.

Stop engaging her. Stop being influenced by her crazy.

She enjoys winding you up. You don't enjoy it. Seems simple enough, if you don't enjoy something you stop it.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> Oh, and if someone could explain this '180' I keep seeing, that'd be great ;-)


*The 180
*
1. Don’t pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

2. No frequent phone calls.

3. Don’t point out “good points” in marriage.

4. Don’t follow her/him around the house.

5. Don’t encourage or initiate discussion about the future.

6. Don’t ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner.

7. Don’t ask for reassurances.

8. Don’t buy or give gifts.

9. Don’t schedule dates together.

10. Don’t keep saying, “I Love You!” Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable.

11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!

12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.

13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!

14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t push any issue, no matter how much you want to!

15. If you’re in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.

16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that “they (the wayward partner)” are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life…without them!

17. Don’t be nasty, angry or even cold – Just pull yourself back. Don’t always be so available…for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you’re missing.

18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self-assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.

19. All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!

20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control. YOURSELF!

21. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.

22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!

23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Hear what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!

24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.

25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.

26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.

27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.

28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.

29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It’s not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don’t care.

30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!”

32. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.

33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don’t work out with the affair partner.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Just responding here instaed of to her text

She just text me "What time are you getting him tonight, is it half 7 again?"

Now, we've had the same arrangement in regards to nights he's staying with me for 4 weeks now, and the pick up time is always the same. Just after I get off the train about 7.35. So first of all, why the **** ask me when you already know.

Anyway, I have a dentist appointment tonight (which I told her about), so I wont be able to pick him up until around 8.15, so I told her this. 

The response "**** sake"

What the **** is that? How much of a ****ing chore is it to keep your son an extra half hour, after complaining to me yesterday about not getting to see him that much during the week as she has to work later in the day now as she cannot get to work in the mornings? ****ing *******. 

(She wasn't asking about the time due to the dentist appointment. By her response, she clearly forgot about it, and has other reasons for asking)


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

She's definitely trying to get me to bite, but I'm not going to

"I'll just rearrange my plans to suit you then"

What, like I have to rearrange my whole life because you are a cheating scumbag?

I didn't (and am not going to) reply with this, but that's what I'm thinking.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Listen mate, this is how it usually works:

1. She has to give herself permission to cheat. She knows this is wrong so...
2. She criticises every little thing you do "wrong" <-In her eyes only
3. She's still cheating so she's still criticising you
4. If she gets a rise out of you - she wins
5. You don't have to explain anything to her anymore
6. You don't have to care about what she thinks anymore
7. You could just reply <Have dentist at XX:XX. Will pick up S at 8:15. Thanks> You don't have to have a dig by adding "remember?" or "I've already told you.
8. Whatever you do will be "wrong" in her eyes anyway
9. READ THE 180.
10. Vent here. Be business like with her


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

She ended up ringing me so I did tell her I'd already told her about my appointment when I booked it. Reason I told her was due to the fact I have him on Wednesdays after work, so told her in advance I would be late tonight due to the appointment. Obviously she started being an ******* about it, saying the times are set and I've to stick to them. I just hung up at this point. 

She has some serious mental issues. I knew this year's ago, but thought she had dealt with them somewhat. Obviously not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> She ended up ringing me so I did tell her I'd already told her about my appointment when I booked it. Reason I told her was due to the fact I have him on Wednesdays after work, so told her in advance I would be late tonight due to the appointment. Obviously she started being an ******* about it, saying the times are set and I've to stick to them. I just hung up at this point.
> 
> She has some serious mental issues. I knew this year's ago, but thought she had dealt with them somewhat. Obviously not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You did right. State your case clearly and calmly, when she acts like a twat you end the conversation. 

You did well Grasshopper.

You are training her how to interact with you. When you hang up or turn around and walk the other way, you are teaching her that her way of speaking to you is not appropriate. She's like a dumb horse...you may have to repeat this exercise fifty times before she realizes her tactics are not going to work on you. 

Conversely, when she starts acting like an adult, THEN you can have conversations with her about your son and the divorce.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

GerrardB said:


> I just hung up at this point.


Good man


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

I know these feelings will go away but I miss my old life. My fiance, who doesn't exist anymore, taking days off work to do the garden, doing things as a family, having a drink out the back after work in this fine weather. Summer is going to be ****. 
On the bright side though, I haven't messaged her once today. Been thinking about her all day, but no contact apart from about our sons Jiu Jitsu grading which I'm on my way to now. It's going to be pretty hard sitting with her for the best part of an hour here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

You don't have to sit with her. You're there for him.


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## abart (Aug 5, 2014)

GerrardB, How are things going?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GerrardB said:


> I know these feelings will go away but I miss my old life. My fiance, who doesn't exist anymore, taking days off work to do the garden, doing things as a family, having a drink out the back after work in this fine weather. Summer is going to be ****.
> On the bright side though, I haven't messaged her once today. Been thinking about her all day, but no contact apart from about our sons Jiu Jitsu grading which I'm on my way to now. It's going to be pretty hard sitting with her for the best part of an hour here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fine weather? :wtf:

Seriously? in the UK? 

Well, at least it didn't rain today! :smthumbup:


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

abart said:


> GerrardB, How are things going?


Still no better. But I'll get there eventually. I just need to accept she is a piece of **** who never truly felt the way I did about her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Gerrard it is likely that she loved you very much.

But she cheated and in order to protect her own self from the knowledge that she is a cheat and a lying POS she had to lie about you to herself.

She made it all your fault.

Sadly her lies are toxic.

They proved fatal to the woman you loved, the mother of your child.

That woman is dead. She killed herself.

Basically it is like the old story of the deep sea diver who farted in their diving suit and poisoned themselves.

Next time you think of your ex, think of her as having farted herself to death.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

GerrardB said:


> Still no better. But I'll get there eventually. I just need to accept she is a piece of **** who never truly felt the way I did about her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's still all about her ...she did this and she did that...she a ***** and piece of shyt and a worthless *****...


When are we going to start hearing about how you went out and did this and that or bought something for your self?

You need to get out and meet people....get back into a hobby.

Your current hobby of hating your wife is not going to work....she no longer deserves your hate.

So please stop hating your wife and start finding something you like to do....something that you can find pleasant and enjoy.

Face the fact that you can no longer enjoy your wife so you choose to hate her....even this emotion keeps you connected to her.

She is no longer the women you married...so treat her with the *indifference* you would any stranger you pass on the street.

This women will suck the life out of you if you let it.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

the guy said:


> It's still all about her ...she did this and she did that...she a ***** and piece of shyt and a worthless *****...
> *
> 
> When are we going to start hearing about how you went out and did this and that or bought something for your self?*
> ...


I went out today and bought myself a black BMW 320 CD Sport Coupe. Is that good enough :smile2:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I'd delete the image, then use Paint (it's in Windows accessories) to obliterate the registration plate.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

Here we are. The before and after cars.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Nice motors!

Friend of ours used to have a Mercedes Kompressor Coupe. She went back to a VW!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

GerrardB said:


> I went out today and bought myself a black BMW 320 CD Sport Coupe. Is that good enough :smile2:
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Depends who's in the passenger seat...lol


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Baddass wheels. 

But you need to get that steering wheel moved over to the correct side.


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## GerrardB (May 20, 2015)

I've had a surprisingly good day today. Been able to concentrate on things that aren't my current situation. Rarely thought about contacting her. I keep reading this 180 thing and I'm determined to go whole hog at it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Baddass wheels.
> 
> But you need to get that steering wheel moved over to the correct side.


Or you could do THIS!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_sjgCi9jhA


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Best part of the 180 is it forces you to improve yourself, concentrate on yourself and break the emotional enslavement to persons who do not have your best interests at heart.


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