# Some sort of progress is going on, not sure of the speed.



## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

So after a long time I feel things are going in a positive direction. W and I have spent some time together and it has been wonderful. I have come to understand her a little more through out this separation. I see things I didn't realize before, maybe I just forgot them through the years. 
Over the past few years she has been under a great deal of stress for various reasons. Some of them were understandable,while others were distractions from focusing on what was truly important. Over the last few months we have opened up and talked to each other about many things, past,present and future.She has mentioned things about us having a future. They may have been said with uncertainty, but that is much different than the previous months. 
We even have a few more things planned for the future. She has even sounded open to further things that involve the kids and things that involve us. 
She is dealing with a sick mother that does not care for me and openly disrespects me( though I have done nothing to her). Her mother discourages her from even being around me. In retrospect, I have realized her mother was and is the biggest stressor in our relationship then and now( I also realize she and I had our own parts in the problems). I see her as a big obstacle to things getting to their best. 
Further, I have a problem that comes from my side. I have for lack of a better term, an ex-friend that recently was added to one of social media sites we all go on. Up to the end of last year or so he was the person I vented to(and said any number of crazy thought I had on my wife and our situation. Many of which I am now ashamed to have said out-loud.), leaned on, and many other things friends do. As happens in some separations, I started talking to a girl. I told him I liked her so he said he wanted to make sure she would be good for me. We eventually all became friends(or so I though). About the time I was at a confused breaking point, he decided to tell me that when the 3 of us were hanging out she wanted to be his GF, but he refused in respect to me liking her, though he really liked her. (turns out I was just a ride).
Things got crazy and I said some really stupid stuff about holding out to see if the girl liked me or if my wife still did. I realize I was wrong and convoluted, but it is too late. I am simply worried he will either ruin things for me or go after my wife, but either way tell her what I have said and thought. He has some of it from messages and such. I am surprised by him friending her as he would spend endless hours(literally telling me how bad she was for me for HOURS). How much he felt uncomfortable around her, or how he thought she was crazy and a untrustworthy person. 
Perhaps I am worrying too much, but things are finally how I wanted them( a possible start).


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I also want to stress I did not do anything physically with anyone the entire time I have been separated, nor while things ere bad in my marriage. I have though about it, but now I am focused on rekindleing my marriage. Should I just wait as their has been no mention of a full reconciliation. I fully intend to talk to her about things that happened,but only if she wishes to work on things.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Agast84 said:


> So after a long time I feel things are going in a positive direction. W and I have spent some time together and it has been wonderful. I have come to understand her a little more through out this separation. I see things I didn't realize before, maybe I just forgot them through the years.
> Over the past few years she has been under a great deal of stress for various reasons. Some of them were understandable,while others were distractions from focusing on what was truly important. Over the last few months we have opened up and talked to each other about many things, past,present and future.She has mentioned things about us having a future. They may have been said with uncertainty, but that is much different than the previous months.
> We even have a few more things planned for the future. She has even sounded open to further things that involve the kids and things that involve us.
> She is dealing with a sick mother that does not care for me and openly disrespects me( though I have done nothing to her). Her mother discourages her from even being around me. In retrospect, I have realized her mother was and is the biggest stressor in our relationship then and now( I also realize she and I had our own parts in the problems). I see her as a big obstacle to things getting to their best.
> ...


I wish you luck! We all say thing out of anger and hurt that we later regret. I personally would be honest with your wife as things progress. Lying will only wreck havoc in the end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

sadwithouthim said:


> I wish you luck! We all say thing out of anger and hurt that we later regret. I personally would be honest with your wife as things progress. Lying will only wreck havoc in the end.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOT
> 
> Thanks, Sad. I don't plan on lying. Part of my problem is that I don't filter what I say and I am highly honest with how I feel. I am just worried he is still angry and vengeful. He has not talked to me for almost a year and has not even seen my wife in several years. I have no hard feelings towards him though I see why many feel he was wrong to go after the female friend I liked, but I just want to live my life. I don't even say bad things about him. I state everything as I did above. Him friending her is recent.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

so it sounds like during your separation you flirted with and had a little crush on a girl. she didn't feel the same way to you. things ended there, right? i don't think you did anything wrong. i've flirted a little and had guys flirt with me, but i didn't do anything. no harm done. i'm sure your W has flirted with guys too. don't over think it!


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

lulubelle said:


> so it sounds like during your separation you flirted with and had a little crush on a girl. she didn't feel the same way to you. things ended there, right? i don't think you did anything wrong. i've flirted a little and had guys flirt with me, but i didn't do anything. no harm done. i'm sure your W has flirted with guys too. don't over think it!


I am sure she has, she did while we were married(part of why I had problems with her). 

"I have been getting so much attention it is nice!!"- W, some time last year when things were more awkward.
I am more worried about my ex-friend sabotaging things out of spite and telling her the things I said while drunk(rare) or having not slept for days on end from worry.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

Agast84 said:


> I am sure she has, she did while we were married(part of why I had problems with her).
> 
> "I have been getting so much attention it is nice!!"- W, some time last year when things were more awkward.
> I am more worried about my ex-friend sabotaging things out of spite and telling her the things I said while drunk(rare) or having not slept for days on end from worry.


maybe mention in passing to her that you had a falling out with him and you guys are no longer friends?


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

lulubelle said:


> maybe mention in passing to her that you had a falling out with him and you guys are no longer friends?


I was thinking about it, but wasn't sure if it would be odd for it to come at random. As I said his "friending" came out of nowhere.


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