# Poor Sex Life



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I have seen multiple threads with either a husband or a wife complaining their spouses sex drive has dwindled to nothing over the course of a year or multiple years. You see suggestions ranging from leave them, they are definitely cheating, its porn, its stress, lack of romance, see a counselor, etc. But you don't see too many people mention something that is absolutely 100% crucial to having a desire for sex, and that is healthy hormone levels. 

I went through this issue. I just quit caring about sex over the course of 18 months. There was nothing wrong with her, I had no desire for sex, masturbation, and her walking past me topless really did nothing. She was like wtf? You used to be like an impatient kid at the toy store lol. I also started losing energy and the drive to do things I enjoyed. I went one entire season without going deer hunting. I started getting a belly, and just wanting to nap after work or on the weekends. 

She asked me to go to the doctor and I did. He did blood work and only told me testosterone was low and sent me to a urologist. We explained the symptoms and he tested my blood. He said I was only 177 when tested at 9am. He said that is low even if I was 100. Said I should ideally be between 650-875. He said no doubt you feel like garbage. I started testosterone shots and it took about 6 weeks, but the sex drive returned with a mission! Lets just say the shirt and bra she was wearing that day wasn't usable anymore ☺. She wanted to know where the hell this level of intensity went!

My point is that many things can cause a low sex drive. But proper hormone levels are absolutely crucial. You cannot fix your sex life with counseling or any other method if your hormones are off. It would be like if your car ran poorly. The mechanic replaced plugs, wires, sensors, and even a whole new factory engine.... If the gas (hormones) is stale or empty, it aint starting or running right no matter what you do!

If your marriage is suffering from lack of sex, each of you see a doctor and get treatment. Then focus on romance, counseling, lingerie. Etc.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

There is another thread on here about prostate cancer patients who undergo therapy to suppress testosterone. I think the author of that thread called these patients "castrate". Anyway, he claimed this in no way changed ability of those patients to get erections and have tons of great sex. That wasn't my experience when my testosterone was low ( I didn't undergo suppression ).

So my question is, from that thread it would seem low T or high T makes no difference. It is just a matter of technique?

A key factor IMO is the spouse who is "LD" *wanting* to do anything about it. Where would things have ended if you had done nothing? Or if when your wife said go to the doctor, you ignored her? Or like my GP who told me that 175 was just normal for a mid 70s male, needed to just accept it? There are several threads on here where the woman is taking anti-anxiety meds that have crashed their libido and are just fine with NO sex for their husband (who evidently depresses them to the point of needing drugs to cope with the old boy).

I think both partners have to actually like one another and want to share the joy of sex with one another. If one is p1st at the other, then turning the sex off to torment the other is actually how they have their fun.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Low T is a huge problem!


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Low testosterone makes you fat, tired, and even has mental side effects too.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

There have actually been a lot of suggestions for men to get their T levels checked.

I sometimes see women being encouraged to get a full health workup and I've advised it a couple times myself.

Health is always a good first check.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Rus47 said:


> There is another thread on here about prostate cancer patients who undergo therapy to suppress testosterone. I think the author of that thread called these patients "castrate". Anyway, he claimed this in no way changed ability of those patients to get erections and have tons of great sex. That wasn't my experience when my testosterone was low ( I didn't undergo suppression ).
> 
> So my question is, from that thread it would seem low T or high T makes no difference. It is just a matter of technique?
> 
> ...


Its true that a guy can still get full erections even with low testosterone. But the desire to do anything with those erections goes away. My urologist said testosterone therapy doesn't cause prostate cancer, but testosterone therapy while you have prostate cancer is like throwing gasoline on a fire.

Testosterone affects everything about a male including cognitive thinking and mood. He explained that oftentimes people think its normal for older men to be grumpy, short, and nasty. They say things like he is just older and set in his ways. But spouses oftentimes report back that testosterone treatment brought back the happy guy their husband's used to be. 

He even explained that the whole idea that gaining weight naturally occurs when you become middle-aged is nonsense in both men and women. He said around 35-40 is when hormone levels begin to naturally change in the body and a person starts noticing subtle changes like weight gain, decreased energy/libido, accelerated alopecia, increased growth of ear and nose hair, onset or worsening of depression and anxiety, and other symptoms. 

But if your doctor said 175 in your mid 70s was ok, I suggest seeing another doctor for a second opinion. Mine said 177 was low for a 100 year old.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Oh, I ignored what the GP said, went to the urologist who removed my cancerous prostate decades ago and started TRT more than year ago. Level is 800 and I f


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> A key factor IMO is the spouse who is "LD" *wanting* to do anything about it.


Yep. I am sure my wife's hormones are out of balance but she refuses to ask her doctor or do anything about it.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Oh, I ignored what the GP said, went to the urologist who removed my cancerous prostate decades ago and started TRT more than year ago. Level is 800 and I feel like a 20 year-old.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I have seen multiple threads with either a husband or a wife complaining their spouses sex drive has dwindled to nothing over the course of a year or multiple years. You see suggestions ranging from leave them, they are definitely cheating, its porn, its stress, lack of romance, see a counselor, etc. But you don't see too many people mention something that is absolutely 100% crucial to having a desire for sex, and that is healthy hormone levels.
> 
> I went through this issue. I just quit caring about sex over the course of 18 months. There was nothing wrong with her, I had no desire for sex, masturbation, and her walking past me topless really did nothing. She was like wtf? You used to be like an impatient kid at the toy store lol. I also started losing energy and the drive to do things I enjoyed. I went one entire season without going deer hunting. I started getting a belly, and just wanting to nap after work or on the weekends.
> 
> ...


Was there anything that contributed to the drop? That's a low number. A lot of people who lose their sex drive due to hormonal issues seem to go into a depression from what I have seen and that makes things even worse. 

When there is a drop in libido it's easy to right it off to age but a quick hormone level check should always be step one. Not just for the sex drive, messed up hormones can cause all kinds of mood issues, as I'm sure most women who have gone through menopause can attest to. 

Must have been a big relief when you got your groove back.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Was there anything that contributed to the drop? That's a low number. A lot of people who lose their sex drive due to hormonal issues seem to go into a depression from what I have seen and that makes things even worse.
> 
> When there is a drop in libido it's easy to right it off to age but a quick hormone level check should always be step one. Not just for the sex drive, messed up hormones can cause all kinds of mood issues, as I'm sure most women who have gone through menopause can attest to.
> 
> Must have been a big relief when you got your groove back.


He didn't really go into what causes the drop. But said mid 30s is when most males start seeing a decline.

But messed up hormones absolutely cause all sorts of issues. Depression/anxiety/irritation are signs of out of whack hormones in both sexes.

I have lost 25lbs in the past year without changing anything and can see slight muscle definition. I am getting motivated to join a gym and see how far I can go. I also find it funny how coworkers in their early 20s kind of feel me out to see if they need to slow down for a 39 year old dude 🤣. I keep right up with them all day. 

Not trying to brag. But guys, get it tested and get your life back if you feel like a slow old man who is past your prime. You and your wife will be grateful


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Yep. I am sure my wife's hormones are out of balance but she refuses to ask her doctor or do anything about it.


Because from her perspective everything is perfect, why would she want to mess up perfect?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Yep. I am sure my wife's hormones are out of balance but she refuses to ask her doctor or do anything about it.


most doctors would just say "tell your husband your hormone levels are fine".

doctors generally could not care less if you are having a good sex life or not, and they just assume aging people stop having sex. 

IF you can find a doctor who is good at prescribing HRT, that doctor is indeed a rare one.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Yep. I am sure my wife's hormones are out of balance but she refuses to ask her doctor or do anything about it.


yep, you need a collaborative spouse... if you don't have one, you are screwed...


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

I don’t understand how you’ve missed that low T is pretty much the first thing that is mentioned in all threads where a man has a low sex drive?

regardless, I’m glad you were able to correct the issue.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> most doctors would just say "tell your husband your hormone levels are fine".
> 
> doctors generally could not care less if you are having a good sex life or not, and they just assume aging people stop having sex.
> 
> IF you can find a doctor who is good at prescribing HRT, that doctor is indeed a rare one.


The healthcare system completely fails women who do want a healthy sex life. Any talk of hormone treatment is most often reserved for older women going through menopause or some other issue, but sexuality and desire are not seen as a good enough reason to look into hormone treatment. There is really only a handful of docs in the US who seriously work on and treat sexual function issues in women. My wife went on birth control very early in her teens due to extreme menstrual pain. She had some pretty serious hormone problems in her early 30s after having our kids. We were lucky to get in touch with a Doctor from LA who had a satellite radio show my wife listen to on her commute. That doc put us in touch with her research partner who looked into everything and put my wife on testosterone, first cream which was ok, then injections which turned her into a sex fiend, she basically went from a very spotty drive to the drive of a teenage boy. She has been on and off the injections over the years, the interesting thing has been just a brief stint of a couple months of injections activates a very high drive for months after she stops the injections. When she is on the injections her drive is higher than mine, if the kids aren't around she will want sex all day. It can actually be a different problem as she has a hard time focusing on anything besides sex. 

There are more docs coming to the realization that a quality sex life is important to most women so I am hopeful there will be more attention paid to womens sexual health in the near future. There are already some products out there that aside from the issue of desire help with increasing quality of sex for women also, just have not reached the mainstream yet.


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