# Vacation without me



## torani (May 6, 2013)

Last night my partner and I had a huge argument about him going on vacation without me. I would love to get some thoughts from other people on this subject. Is it just me being selfish or is he inconsiderate.

I am 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child. My partner just informed me that his dad is taking him on a cruise 4 months after our child is scheduled to arrive. 

When he told me I didn't say anything because I needed some time to sort through my feelings and last night I calmly wanted to share my thoughts and feelings with him on his trip. 

Although I feel he is entitled to do things without me I am feeling extremely hurt and excluded. When I told him how I felt he got angry, told me Im just jealous of his family and being unreasonable. 

He will also be leaving for about two weeks right after the baby is born to train for his work. So this will be the 2nd trip he is planning on going on after our baby is born. I am already dreading having to take care of 3 kids with no help. I know I am going to be exhausted for a while when she gets here. 

After 9 months of being pregnant I would also like to have a weeks vacation.... I am hurt that he is planning his vacation without me when I would love to be able to go. 

Am I being unreasonable to feel left out and hurt that I don't get some time off? Is it unreasonable for me to want to have a vacation with my partner instead of him going with his dad? He hasn't planned anything with me for more than two years. When I suggested a vacation for us he says he cant afford it, even though I pay my half of everything and always have. Please advise... Im upset and need some clarity...


----------



## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

torani said:


> Am I being unreasonable to feel left out and hurt that I don't get some time off? Is it unreasonable for me to want to have a vacation with my partner instead of him going with his dad? He hasn't planned anything with me for more than two years. When I suggested a vacation for us he says he cant afford it, even though I pay my half of everything and always have.


No, you are not being unreasonable, selfish, or otherwise. He is. His dad is also. What kind of father takes his son on a vacation without his son's "significant other" a few months after their child is born? Good grief. I'm angry for you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

This is beyond odd as any self-respecting family man would want to be there with you in caring for that new child as well as the one that you already have. There will be other times for him to galavant around without you when the kids grow old enough to become more responsible for themselves. 

Now, however, is not that time!


----------



## ChristinaDD (May 6, 2013)

Honey! I feel your pain. My husband and I bought a cabin 6 years ago with his brother right after I started grad school, which I was using my own money for and did because he complained I didn't bring in enough income. It was the beginning of the end. 3 summers ago he said to me, "I'm going to the cabin and you can go if you want to" with a snotty attitude. I was soo busy writing papers that leaving was not an option. It felt like a knife in the back. Since then we've been through a lot like marriage counseling and testing, talking etc. I've realized he is an incredibly selfish person that will probably never get it. I will miss the cabin...but I'd rather have my self-worth. Having babies in the picture is even worse in my opinion. You need to be reaching out on this one. I will watch for your posts. Love yourself and take care of those babes until you work this out and you will!


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

Thank you all for your input... Really, its so nice to get an outsiders opinion on this especially because he is telling me I am unreasonable and that Im the only person in the world that would be upset about this...


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

torani said:


> Thank you all for your input... Really, its so nice to get an outsiders opinion on this especially because he is telling me I am unreasonable and that Im the only person in the world that would be upset about this...


I can't offer an opinion because you aren't even trying to explain his side of it. It sounds like he is in the wrong, but I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon bashing your husband without more facts. Why is his dad taking him on this cruise? How long is it? Is it for some special occasion? And why can't you come? Do you and his parents not get along for some reason?

This is one of those cases where I'm very confident we are not getting whole story.


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

Theseus said:


> I can't offer an opinion because you aren't even trying to explain his side of it. It sounds like he is in the wrong, but I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon bashing your husband without more facts. Why is his dad taking him on this cruise? How long is it? Is it for some special occasion? And why can't you come? Do you and his parents not get along for some reason?
> 
> This is one of those cases where I'm very confident we are not getting whole story.



In response, It would be hard to explain HIS side of it as I am not him... I am not asking anyone to bash my partner. I don't feel that I am bashing him either. I am simply wondering if MY thought process about it is unreasonable or not. 

He doesn't have a mother in the picture. His dad is taking him on a cruise because his dad books 4-5 cruises a year and would like for his son to go with him on one of them. Its a week long cruise. There is no special occasion that I have been told about. I get along with his father just fine and always have. I am always respectful. I was not asked to go with them. When I suggested that I would like to go with them all my partner said is that I shouldn't expect HIS dad to take me on a cruise. ( I would never expect that by the way ) Im self sufficient in every way, including financially.... Even after that conversation I am still not invited to go.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So - has he done this before when the other kids were small?


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

As a father and husband I feel its my god given duty to be there for my W in this situation. I can understand the issue of company training and the need for this. It might be a requirement for that company but do they actually know of the circumstances? Is there a stay of training that could be put in place so that the fatehr is working near to home until the returning baby and mother settle and can cope? Questions need to be asked by him about this.

Ok we dont know why the the holidays is happening and if its a very special occasion or not, but would the grandfather of a new born really want to split the family at that time even for a week? He needs asking about this. Are you excluded for your partners family events? If not could you go as well and have both a small holiday with supportive family around you? We cannot answer fully here because there are a number of variables that theseus brings to the table. However, I stand by the " Im the father, I need to be there as much as possible" statement. At least thats how I see it.


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> You owe the OP an apology for that one. That was really low.
> 
> No where did she say she dreads her kids.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you Committed, you are right, I do not dread my children and NEVER said that...


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

The timing and duration of the OP's husband’s proposed vacation would make it unacceptable for me.

However I would not go as far as to say that married people with children should NEVER holiday apart. When our daughters were young my wife would take them on holiday whilst I was working. It gave them a break and me a chance to put in a new kitchen / bathroom in around my shift work without having to worry about putting tools away / getting the water / power back on before going back to work.

Now that our lives are a bit more financially secure we do have our main vacation together each year (taking all 5 kids to Orlando this year) but my wife gets a spa weekend and I get a track (car racing) weekend to ourselves as well. Either one of us is more than capable of running the house / looking after the kids on our own for a few days / week. In fact I used a week’s leave last year to look after the kids whilst my wife went down to care for / spend some last quality time with her grandmother (sadly Nan died shortly later).


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> So - has he done this before when the other kids were small?


No, he hasn't ever taken his vacation with out me since our first child together was born so its a bit odd for me... His dad wanted to take him on a cruise two years ago at the same time I was scheduled to deliver our 2 year old but my partner declined. I assume he didn't want to miss his sons birth.


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

Pault said:


> As a father and husband I feel its my god given duty to be there for my W in this situation. I can understand the issue of company training and the need for this. It might be a requirement for that company but do they actually know of the circumstances? Is there a stay of training that could be put in place so that the fatehr is working near to home until the returning baby and mother settle and can cope? Questions need to be asked by him about this.
> 
> Ok we dont know why the the holidays is happening and if its a very special occasion or not, but would the grandfather of a new born really want to split the family at that time even for a week? He needs asking about this. Are you excluded for your partners family events? If not could you go as well and have both a small holiday with supportive family around you? We cannot answer fully here because there are a number of variables that theseus brings to the table. However, I stand by the " Im the father, I need to be there as much as possible" statement. At least thats how I see it.


Hi Pault, My partner is in the military (reserves now) and this week training that he has to leave for is not an option. You are right it is a requirement and I completely understand if they don't let him stay home with me, that's just how the military is...

In my opinion my partners father is single and lonely and surrounds himself with his boys as much as possible. I also understand this. Ive been there at some point in my life as well. I just am not sure that my partners father understands that his son has responsibilities now that he does not have. I don't hold it against him it just is. I would love to go but again, I am NOT invited...


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Pault said:


> I can understand the issue of company training and the need for this. It might be a requirement for that company....


The work commitment I can understand. When I was in the Navy we had a saying:
"you have to be there for the laying of the keel but attendance at the launching is not obligatory"



Pault said:


> Ok we dont know why the the holidays is happening and if its a very special occasion or not, but would the grandfather of a new born really want to split the family at that time even for a week? .


Totally agree with this, it is wrong of both the father and grandfather to have organized a vacation at this time.


----------



## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

OMG --- this post was so triggery for me. My face was getting hot just reading it. I feel so much for you. Because if you think him going on vacation and leaving you alone with 3 children is bad, it is going to be even worse for days, months and possibly even years later. This is going to cause so much resentment in your family. Not only resentment for your partner but resentment for his father, too. I'm guessing dear old dad needs a traveling partner and who better to ask but his son who probably needs a break from his partner and kids? But at the end of the day your partner has an obligation to tell his father that he would love to go on the cruise but now was not a good time. If he plans 4-5 cruises a year then there will be other opportunities. Other times that can include *ALL OF YOU*! 

I can't even express in words just how upset and mad I am for you. Honestly...my teeth are clenched!


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

torani said:


> Hi Pault, My partner is in the military (reserves now) and this week training that he has to leave for is not an option. You are right it is a requirement and I completely understand if they don't let him stay home with me, that's just how the military is...
> 
> In my opinion my partners father is single and lonely and surrounds himself with his boys as much as possible. I also understand this. Ive been there at some point in my life as well. I just am not sure that my partners father understands that his son has responsibilities now that he does not have. I don't hold it against him it just is. I would love to go but again, I am NOT invited...


First off its good that you understand the military issue. Currently there are loads of partners across the world lossing out of their relationship time because of political unrest in other parts of the world. Partners liek you need to be (a) applauded and most importantly (b) supported, especially in the situation your in. In this case your partner, to a degree is the the rock and hard place. In the case of the vacation issue with the partners father. I still feel there is an element of selfishness. I would hope that in a similar role my father would have made sure I was with you as much as possible following the birth of what would be a grandchild. This is especially important as your partner is after all on military training and there could (I hope to God not) be a deployment. As a Grandfather I would EXPECT my son to be standing right next to his partner and indeed Id probably even offer to throw my hand in to support in someway which as far as Im concerned would be grandfather being part of a family. You are not selfish! You are actually being senseable. If they offered to take you it would be something. I think your partner sees the role of being with lonely Dad as very important and yes it is, but when it helped you concieve I suspect father was not the first thing on his mind. You still need to ensure he knows and accepts his responsibilities.


----------



## Lowdown (Apr 28, 2013)

No no no no no. This is all wrong. He and his father both are being selfish and inconsiderate of you. First his father should not even ask such a thing at this point, you being pregnant and all, and your partner shouldn't even be considering such a thing. Your health and well being are very important to the baby's health and well being right now. I find it strange that his father has done this before during another pregnancy and that he would ask during a time like this to take his son away from his family while his partner is pregnant or has just had a baby. Your partner forcing you into this situation and causing you any negative feelings is not being a good partner or father. He should have simply said "this is not a good time for us." The way you put it sounds like he DID make the plans already prior to telling you. Is that how it went down? If so it is disrespectful to you that he would plan anything other than a surprise for you without discussing it with you first (this is considering you 2 are in a committed relationship). For example "hey babe john and Jane invited us out for dinner, would you like to go?" being the correct way to handle it, Not "hey babe John and Jane asked us out for dinner and I said yes." first example he is considering what you want to do by ASKING you first, the second example he would be TELLING you what you 2 are gonna do. I believe when in a committed relationship one must consider the other in all matters that effect the other (which is most cases). It doesn't matter if your pregnant or not, or have any children or not, he shouldn't make plans like this without talking to you first (or including you) and seeing how you feel about it. If he loves you your feelings should matter to him. I for 1 would not want to do something like this without my wife. I would want to share everything with her especially a cruise or week long vacation. I would want her there to enjoy the things I am enjoying. Also You have 2 children and 1 on the way, he should not expect you to take care of all of them by yourself while he is out having a good time. I am a husband and have a 2 yr. old which I watch during the day by myself while my wife works then she watches him at night while I work, and that 1 child alone is a lot of work. I would think 3 would be almost impossible by ones self. I guess it would depend on how old the others are and if they are self sufficient or not. Regardless of all that though, I would not want to be away from my family for that long a period of time especially with a 4 month old here. I would want to be there for my wife and child as much as I could. It is our job as parents to set an example for our children and if it went down the way you say, he obviously got a bad example for a father if his dad would think this is ok (which in turn makes him think this is ok). This is not ok in my book.


----------



## Lowdown (Apr 28, 2013)

Also I must commend you for not blowing up and responding with your emotions and stepping aside to think about what you wanted to say before telling him how you felt. Most would have blown up and made the issue worse.


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Is there more to the story? Is it his family and him and your son? If so, what is the problem again? 

My wife and I both go on tons of trips alone! Why? Because one we can't afford for the whole family to do everything everytime and secondly our schedules don't allow for us to always vacation together.

I've been on 3 vacation this year alone. My wife has bee on 2 and we have been on 1 family vacation also.

The way I see it if I couldn't go on a vacation why not let my wife go? The flip is true to if she is swamped with work, but there is something I've been wanting to do I would hope she would support me in that.

With all of that said he needs to make you feel special too and if he's not doing that where there in lies the problem.

Did you ask when you and him get to hang out and do things too? Just saying you shouldn't be able to go cause I have to stay home with the baby and it's not fair........doesn't seem fair to me either.


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Is there more to the story? Is it his family and him and your son? If so, what is the problem again?
> 
> My wife and I both go on tons of trips alone! Why? Because one we can't afford for the whole family to do everything everytime and secondly our schedules don't allow for us to always vacation together.
> 
> ...


Hi OhGeesh, 

The trip will be just my partner and his father. I am not invited to go, its just for the two of them and our two year old son will stay with me during the trip. Once we discussed it, I asked my partner why WE cant have a trip for him and I, or why aren't we as a family planning a cruise or something together.. ( I asked because I thought it would help me to feel like more of a priority to him I guess, plus I haven't been on a vacation in a very long time either and would love to have one as well ) 

He responded that he couldn't afford a family vacation even with my help financially... sad face... His dad is paying for his vacation...

I don't like the idea of doing our vacations separately because we don't seem to get much quality time together with our work schedules as it is but I understand he feels differently. Its prolly easier for him than me on that.


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

My partner and I have had a few more discussions around the trip with no reconciliation.

I've decided that I have told him how I feel and now the ball is in his court. I refuse to argue or debate it any further its not going to change anything.

I have also decided that it will make me feel better to plan a trip for myself. He needs a break yes, and so do I. I don't want to plan a trip with out him but at this point I am to hurt to plan one with him. So once I am done breast feeding my new little angel. I will take a week for myself! 

And I will plan something for the kids and us as a family as well. If my partner can afford or wants to participate he is welcome to.

I do feel a bit resentful. I don't know if that will last but we will see I guess...


----------



## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

torani said:


> Last night my partner and I had a huge argument about him going on vacation without me. I would love to get some thoughts from other people on this subject. Is it just me being selfish or is he inconsiderate.
> 
> I am 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child. My partner just informed me that his dad is taking him on a cruise 4 months after our child is scheduled to arrive.
> 
> ...


Seems kind of strange that his father would take him on a cruise without you. Is there more to the story? What is your relationship like with his family. Other than this, is everything else in your marriage ok?


----------



## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

torani said:


> Hi OhGeesh,
> 
> The trip will be just my partner and his father. I am not invited to go, its just for the two of them and our two year old son will stay with me during the trip. Once we discussed it, I asked my partner why WE cant have a trip for him and I, or why aren't we as a family planning a cruise or something together.. ( I asked because I thought it would help me to feel like more of a priority to him I guess, plus I haven't been on a vacation in a very long time either and would love to have one as well )
> 
> ...


Where else would your two year old stay, if not with you?


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

Sussieq said:


> Seems kind of strange that his father would take him on a cruise without you. Is there more to the story? What is your relationship like with his family. Other than this, is everything else in your marriage ok?


Hi Sussieq,

My partner and I are in counseling now. We have had a really rough go of things since he returned from his last deployment... =( 

I have a good relationship with his family, however I learned from my partner that he talks to his dad frequently about our issues... He did tell his dad that I am just jealous of their relationship and that's why I was throwing a fit about the cruise... I am not really sure at this point what they think of me. I don't really discuss my issues in our relationship with them... I hope we are all still in good standing but as any parent would, I am sure my partners father supports his son... Just as my folks would support me. I feel we have to be careful how much we share with parents... it can damage a relationship with the parents and us...

OhGeesh had asked if my son was also going on the cruise with them. That is why I said that he is staying home with me.


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Seems like more of a Father son trip to me? IMO, that should be encourage you only get one set of parents. I know my oldest daughter has a longter BF and there are many times I want to just hang out with HER and not have him come along.

Seems like your partners Dad wants to just hang with him!! How often does that happen? Just encourage the trip and you guys plan something later on.


----------



## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

> Seems like your partners Dad wants to just hang with him!! How often does that happen? Just encourage the trip and you guys plan something later on.


That's the point, OhGeesh. He doesn't seem to want to plan something with her for later on, and this trip will be relatively soon after the birth of their child leaving her alone to take care of the kids (including a new born). His father takes several cruises every year. Sounds like there would be plenty of other opportunities for him to spend time with his dad.


----------



## Sunshine Cadillac (Apr 30, 2013)

IrishGirlVA said:


> OMG --- this post was so triggery for me. My face was getting hot just reading it. I feel so much for you. Because if you think him going on vacation and leaving you alone with 3 children is bad, it is going to be even worse for days, months and possibly even years later. This is going to cause so much resentment in your family. Not only resentment for your partner but resentment for his father, too. I'm guessing dear old dad needs a traveling partner and who better to ask but his son who probably needs a break from his partner and kids? But at the end of the day your partner has an obligation to tell his father that he would love to go on the cruise but now was not a good time. If he plans 4-5 cruises a year then there will be other opportunities. Other times that can include *ALL OF YOU*!
> 
> I can't even express in words just how upset and mad I am for you. Honestly...my teeth are clenched!


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## Sunshine Cadillac (Apr 30, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Seems like more of a Father son trip to me? IMO, that should be encourage you only get one set of parents. I know my oldest daughter has a longter BF and there are many times I want to just hang out with HER and not have him come along.
> 
> Seems like your partners Dad wants to just hang with him!! How often does that happen? Just encourage the trip and you guys plan something later on.


I disagree, did you read anything on this thread, she has provided all information several times throughout. He wants to take his son with him on this vacation instead of being at home, taking responsibility and being there for his family when she has their baby! That is so irresponsible of him and his father goes on several trips a year there is LOTS of time for them to go on a trip together!! He should be at home with his family and the grandfather should be supportive of that. If ANYTHING the husband and grandfather are being VERY selfish!! 

This is tragic, i feel for you girl! I hope the counselling helps!!


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

This wrong in SO many ways! leaving you to tend the children including a newborn is just selfish and I, for one, think that separate vaations are not pro marriage. I wouldn't stand for this. (oh, and him telling your Father in law that you are just jealous is nuts. If you are in counseling. Bring this up there.)


----------



## Lowdown (Apr 28, 2013)

ginger-snap said:


> That's the point, OhGeesh. He doesn't seem to want to plan something with her for later on, and this trip will be relatively soon after the birth of their child leaving her alone to take care of the kids (including a new born). His father takes several cruises every year. Sounds like there would be plenty of other opportunities for him to spend time with his dad.


:iagree:

OhGeesh, I don't think you are getting it. Her partners father makes plans without discussing it with his son and his sons partner, at least that is how I'm reading it, this is clearly a boundary issue. He expects his son to up and leave his family for a week or so, 4 months after his partner had a baby. Her partner has an obligation to be there for her and his new baby and their other child or children. This is not right in my opinion. If it is how you (OhGeesh) thinks it is and his father wants to just "hang", what's wrong with a night out here and there versus a week or so long cruise while his partner stays home taking care of a toddler or 2 and an infant by herself (especially when she is clearly not ok with this). This is also a respect issue, in the fact that they are not respecting her wishes. She seems to be ok with him going on a cruise with his father just not 4 months after their child is born. If he does want to go on a cruise just the 2 of them he can do it at a better time, since he plans several cruises a year. 

The OP said her partners father did this same thing with the previous pregnancy as well. So to me this sounds like maybe the father has a jealousy issue, or some other issue if both times his son is about to have a child he wants to take his son away on a cruise. This fact is weird to me. Am I the only one here that finds this fact strange?


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

As I said earlier I think the timing / duration of this "Father & Son" trip is wrong but it could be just what the OP's husband needs.

The OP said 

"We have had a really rough go of things since he returned from his last deployment".

I do not know if it is the case with the OP's husband but this was how it was for me 

When I came back from the 1st gulf I was in a bit of a mess (jumpy / bad dreams / mood swings) and having a weekend away with my father (a vet from the Korean war) helped me adjust to being home / coming out off the military. There are some things that I have seen / done that could only be understood by someone else who had faced similar situations. I have since told my wife about these in general terms but I will not burden her with the details.

Luckily for me my now wife was just my girlfriend then so I was not leaving anyone "holding the baby".


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I don't have a answer seems like the issue isn't the vacation to me, but the lack of love she feels the rest of the time. 

If she felt supported throughout the year I'm sure going on the vacation would be no biggie.

Best of luck to the OP, but some of you seem like you have tit for tat marriages. You get this so now I get this right? Maybe not, just the way some of the replies come across.

No matter what we say here ultimately she has to get her husband to make her feel special and loved the issue isn't the vacation.


----------



## Lowdown (Apr 28, 2013)

KanDo said:


> (oh, and him telling your Father in law that you are just jealous is nuts. If you are in counseling. Bring this up there.)


:iagree:

Torani:
You say he tells his parents about your issues. This has to stop. He needs to know that these matters are private and his family is on a need to know basis, meaning they don't need to know. This is very problematic in relationships when a partner tells others especially their family about their issues with their partner. I know because I used to do this to my wife and learned the hard way. I no longer share any of our issues with my family and give them limited info, which gives them limited ammo.


----------



## Lowdown (Apr 28, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> I don't have a answer seems like the issue isn't the vacation
> 
> 
> 
> *but some of you seem like you have tit for tat marriages. You get this so now I get this right*?


I will agree with the first part of this. The vacation isn't as much the issue as the way it was planned (behind her back), and the timing of the Vacation are the issues in my opinion. As well as the fact that he hasn't planned a vacation with her in over 2 years but he'll plan one with his father.

The second part in bold would be tit for tat. "You don't agree with me so I'm gonna make a personal attack on your marriages."

You seem to be reading things very differently then everyone else in here. I didn't read any tit for tat in here except for the OP saying she will take a vacation without her partner since he will take one without her. This also tells me you are stuck on your theory of "if I can't go you can't go" nobody said that in here that I recall.


----------



## torani (May 6, 2013)

I think your all hitting on some of the issues here for me. 

Yes I agree the timing is bad. I don't think he and his dad were being thoughtful of me and the kids in any way. 

The fact that we aren't making these types of plans as a family really hurts... I feel like its a lack of desire on his part to want to make US work. Feels a bit like rejection. I am hurt that he tells me he cant afford to make plans with me because I know he can. I am aware of his financial status. That leads me to feel just like OhGeesh said.... " lack of love I feel the rest of the time". 

I do feel there is a lack of respect from my partner and I guess I just assumed its because we have had such a rough go of it. I want more but I cant force it out of him... 

We did bring this up in counseling this week and our counselor believes that because I don't have a large social and family support system is the reason I have a problem with my partner going on a vacation without me, he said nothing about the timing of the trip.

He encouraged me to also get out my own. As of now I have the kids 3 nights a week on my own as my partner takes a Krav classes and my partner also has a weekly night with his Father. Tuesday Steak night they call it. I also have the kids Saturday and Sundays till 7 pm as my partner works these hours, so I really don't have much time to get out and since I work from home I dont get to socialize with any girls or people much. 

I do like that someone besides me is now telling my partner to help more and give me some free time also. 

Hence the vacation I am planning for myself! This may be a bit tit for tat but Im ok with that on this one...


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

When you are up to it and the new baby can be safely left with your husband DO have a little break just for yourself. How about a short SPA break, my wife loves them, being massaged and pampered is great for her, she come back with her batteries recharged.

I think that you should ask your husband to find at least one night a week that he can devote to YOU. Either at home or arrange a sitter and take you out. I know that it is easy for relationships to drifted if you do not BOTH put in the time and effort to maintain them. I think of it as Planned Preventative Maintenance for your marriage just like changing the oil in a car engine and getting the brakes checked it is always easier / quicker / cheaper to sort thing out early than to wait for the wheels to fall off.

The best of luck to you all.


----------



## Lowdown (Apr 28, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> OP,
> 
> When you are up to it and the new baby can be safely left with your husband DO have a little break just for yourself. How about a short SPA break, my wife loves them, being massaged and pampered is great for her, she come back with her batteries recharged.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Some me time can be good sometimes to "recharge the batteries".
Also family time is important as well to "maintain" the relationship.

Torani,
I am glad you 2 are in counseling to try and work this out. Relationships can be hard and take a lot of work, and sometimes they need another perspective for us to understand one another. 
Good luck to you 2


----------

