# Where do I go from here????



## SUMOM (Apr 17, 2011)

We have been married over 20 years. Ten to fifteen of these years we very good. But after owning a business, we seem to never agree. If I don't agree he says I always want to argue. And this is over EVERYTHING.

For a few years when he was mad at me he would talk about divorce. Even going as far as 2 days before our 15th anniversary telling me it was over and no tears would stop him. 
Two days later he was ready to get back together. 

I grew up in an alcohol household, I know how to build walls to protect myself. (at least in front of him, I cry only when I'm alone).

He has not worked in the last 7 months and is now looking at attending school. I would like to have this happen, but I don't know if I can stay. I care about him and want both of to have the happiness we deserve.

We rarely have sex! And it's my fault. I have always had a lower sex drive and after he spent so much time on computer porno, I really lost my desire for sex. 

My husband refuse to attend counseling and belives religion is something for weak people needing something to believe in. 

I would like to have some counseling but don't want him to know.


----------



## akcroy (Dec 23, 2010)

Do you still own the business? In any case building walls around yourself isn't working for you clearly; if you feel the need for counseling then by all means go for it.

That would be step 1. Honestly, one of the chief benefits of this forum is (and this is my personal opinion) that it lets you take a step back and take a good look at yourself. By reading the stories of others you also get a sense of where you stand in the right-wrong metric of your particular relationship situation.

So yes, you need to take a good long look at yourself, and counseling might help you. Not having sex with your husband certainly must have played a part in your troubles; maybe he's partly angry because of that?

Overall the two of you seem to be having communication problems.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Get the counseling, and who cares if he knows? Just b/c he is behaving in an irresponsible fashion is no reason for you to hide what you believe is the best course of action for you. No court in the world would take it as anything but evidence of you trying to improve your life and yourself--that is, our legal system recognizes it as a sign of growth, not a sign of weakness. There is a huge difference between getting counseling and being diagnosed with a serious mental health problem--and even then, very few mental health problems render a person "unfit" in any way (as long as the individual stays in treatment or on prescribed meds.) 

Be strong, for yourself. Are there children involved? If so, remind yourself that they need you to be the best "you" that you can. If you start to grow, you may find ways to help the marriage--and perhaps even to help him accept help from a counselor. 

By the way, it is a big red flag when someone refuses counseling on the grounds that "they don't believe in it." If he continues to hold on to that position, you may well be better off without him. But you will figure it out, one way or another. Good luck!


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Oh, yeah--and it is your fault he has a porn addiction? Nope. You really need counseling b/c he has you snowed. Good luck!


----------

