# Is there any body out there?



## lonelybutwilling (Mar 31, 2013)

I'm so frustrated I don't even know where to start. 

I've been with my husband for 14 yrs and we have a 13-yr old daughter together. 
Our relationship has always been a good one because we have a solid foundation, we're hard workers and we truly love each other. We used to be outgoing and social and we always had date nights but now everything has come to a grinding halt. He has to be at work real early in the morning and when he gets off work he's tired so he eats and then goes right to sleep most of the time leaving me with my thoughts and the housework. We don't communicate much any more and we are in this monotonous routine and it's killing our relationship. We both have worked hard to get where we are and he's such a great guy but being in this stale routine and sexless marriage is taking a toll on me. I've never been so bored, lonely and unloved before in my life. We never have sex anymore or even intimacy. We used to watch porn together a lot but now he prefers to watch it by himself and he never invites me to join him. I feel pushed aside and abandoned by him and when I try to flirt with him or talk to him about our relationship he gets upset and says that he's not in the mood. He had time today to go see a guy friend of his and when he got back I was all dressed up in my sexy lingerie and he didn't even notice. Maybe he noticed but he certainly didn't compliment me or act interested. What the hell am I doing wrong? I'm a Scorpio and he's an Aries and when we have sex it's always amazing but getting him to give it up is like pulling teeth. He's only 40 and I'm 44. Our sex life shouldn't be like this!! Why is he so stingy and why can't we communicate any more? We're too young to be this boring and set in our ways. I'm always thinking about sex and I'm so frustrated that he's never in the mood or never interested in me.:banghead: I don't even feel like his wife any more. I feel like his roommate. I want to scream at the top of my lungs because I'm tired of not being heard. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I just left for a few days? I wonder if he'd even notice? What should I do and where do I start in trying to repair this relationship? Are there any other couples dealing with this same problem? I'd appreciate any advice you can provide. I'm going insane!!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

lonelybutwilling said:


> when I try to flirt with him or talk to him about our relationship he gets upset and says that he's not in the mood. He had time today to go see a guy friend of his and when he got back I was all dressed up in my sexy lingerie and he didn't even notice. Maybe he noticed but he certainly didn't compliment me or act interested. What the hell am I doing wrong?


Awww.... I felt so bad for you with dressing up and him not even noticing!

He might have a testosterone problem, or mental issue, but refusing to deal with it is wrong. 

Getting angry at you for bringing it up is abusive. Sex and intimacy are integral to marriage. So you have to stand up and draw a line here, and be willing to invoke consequences. 

You set aside a time to talk about it. He can't deny you forever. And in that talk there is either action on his part like going to the doc and getting checked, or counseling or something. If he is doing porn alone... that has to stop. 

You aren't happy, and if it keeps up then you are willing to separate over it.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

lonelybutwilling said:


> I'm so frustrated I don't even know where to start.
> 
> I've been with my husband for 14 yrs and we have a 13-yr old daughter together.
> Our relationship has always been a good one because we have a solid foundation, we're hard workers and we truly love each other. We used to be outgoing and social and we always had date nights but now everything has come to a grinding halt. He has to be at work real early in the morning and when he gets off work he's tired so he eats and then goes right to sleep most of the time leaving me with my thoughts and the housework. We don't communicate much any more and we are in this monotonous routine and it's killing our relationship. We both have worked hard to get where we are and he's such a great guy but being in this stale routine and sexless marriage is taking a toll on me. I've never been so bored, lonely and unloved before in my life. We never have sex anymore or even intimacy. We used to watch porn together a lot but now he prefers to watch it by himself and he never invites me to join him. I feel pushed aside and abandoned by him and when I try to flirt with him or talk to him about our relationship he gets upset and says that he's not in the mood. He had time today to go see a guy friend of his and when he got back I was all dressed up in my sexy lingerie and he didn't even notice. Maybe he noticed but he certainly didn't compliment me or act interested. What the hell am I doing wrong? I'm a Scorpio and he's an Aries and when we have sex it's always amazing but getting him to give it up is like pulling teeth. He's only 40 and I'm 44. Our sex life shouldn't be like this!! Why is he so stingy and why can't we communicate any more? We're too young to be this boring and set in our ways. I'm always thinking about sex and I'm so frustrated that he's never in the mood or never interested in me.:banghead: I don't even feel like his wife any more. I feel like his roommate. I want to scream at the top of my lungs because I'm tired of not being heard. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I just left for a few days? I wonder if he'd even notice? What should I do and where do I start in trying to repair this relationship? Are there any other couples dealing with this same problem? I'd appreciate any advice you can provide. I'm going insane!!


I am sorry you too are going through this... I have the same issues with my wife! Roommates R us! I don't know what advice to give you as I am trying to figure it out as well.
However, do you think he is depressed?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> Getting angry at you for bringing it up is abusive.


Getting angry about anything is not abuse.
Not that it matters since the OP didn't say he got angry
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

I soo understand as I've been there.

When my hubby and I got together he worked 12-14 hours a night..would come home in the morning, eat something..spend a little time on the computer reading the paper..and then fall asleep.

This happened 5-6 days a week and I really looked forward to his days off so we could get intimate and sleep in together on his days off.

Unfortunately..it rarely, if ever happened. I blamed myself thinking it was me and would often cry myself to sleep at night as he rolled over on his side of the bed.

I used to ask him if he was mad at me and he'd tell me that of course he wasn't. I'd lay next to him..grab him in all the right places and still nothing so I'd roll over on my side of the bed and just cry myself to sleep while he snored away.

One night I finally got frustrated enough to ask him what his problem was and he told me he didn't know. That he was attracted to me..yet he just wasn't interested in sex with me.

That's where I thought our relationship was going to bomb right there!! I've heard of relationships where everything else clicks with a couple..but as soon as they hit the sack...everything changed.

This went on for months and months..almost close to a year..every night he was off I was hoping for sex..he'd come to bed..and nothing yet again. I was to the point of just leaving him because although I was with him..I was just plain lonely.

He finally came home from a visit to his MD one day and told me that his testosterone was down to almost nothing and that they were putting him on testerone shots.

YAY!!

It took a few months but once they started working...we have the most amazing sex life EVER!!

Hang in there girls..it's not you...it's probably that ol' testerony that's not on the up and up.

Good luck gals and I hope you have the same good fortune I did. Our sex life still isn't exactly perfect..but it's soo much better than it was..


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

I love a story with a happy ending!


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Beware of using testosterone from MD as a remedy. Naturally boosting testosterone is possible and solves the problem a little more directly than just adding testosterone. There are plenty of testosterone boosting foods and without having to list them you can simply just google a lot of things nowadays saving everyone some time.

The body controls the hormones (obviously), from cortisol (stress), to development, to love hormones, to testosterone and estrogen in men/women. If you do not eat enough per say vitamin c, cortisol (stress) will have a severe impact on your body, and mind (health/mood). So, if you do not get enough fiber and testosterone enhancing foods (and avoid estrogen inducing foods aka eating healthy) to dispose of estrogen you will have an estrogen overload. 

If you do not dispose of estrogen properly with healthy habits and take testosterone it does not completely solve the problem and it may possibly only work until that testosterone is converted into estrogen and you get a relapse. Essentially, always relying on testosterone from the MD.

Take a look at this.

If he can wack off to porn everyday than he has nothing but a porn addiction that he needs to kill.
Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn

If he has morning wood every morning than he has enough FREE testosterone which means there are no serious deficiencies. Try checking him in the morning if you can


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

First of all - subtlety does not work with most men. 

This is a conversation to have directly with just the two of you. You need to express exactly what you want and NEED from this marriage (intimacy, sex, etc.) and what the outcome is if you do not have that in the marriage. You are in an upward hormonal swing while he's likely in a downward one. 

In return, find out what his needs and wants are - you should be meeting those too (if you're not already). 

It's easy to have things go off course after a period of time because you're not working on them actively together. 

During that conversation, make a commitment to each other to spend at least 10 - 15 hours a week TOGETHER (no kids) to do something even if it's just going for a walk and talking (no phones/pc/tv). 

I am amazed at how much closer I feel to my hubby when we do these kind of simple things.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

lbw,

What time does he get up for work in the morning and what time does he get home?

I leave the house at 6 Am and return usually at 7 PM but I've never dream of ingnoring my wife if she were to show up in lingerie. Sadly, it's something that doesn't happen much (or at all in the past year and a half)

I agree with all others who advise a direct conversation. Be sure to start the conversation when you know you'll have 2 - 3 hours of uniterrupted time together and your child isn't around

Good luck!


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