# Lost, confused, not sure what to do



## Lifted (Aug 1, 2013)

Been lurking for a few months, thought things would get better, now I'm at this point. Been with my wife for 5 yrs been married for just under a yr. One yr anniversry is in sept.
One relationship started hot and heavy, I saw her and knew she was the one. She had a bf, we were working together, she was in the process of leaving him. I said she was going to be mine and she became mine. We had amazing sex, had everything in common, talked about everything, it was truly perfect. Everything was great for a while, go back before we were dating she was in a bad car wreck,crazy mother, father was gone a lot, not the best childhood, they were wealthy and parents bought love, long story straight she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after slip and fall. Things got very complicated but loved her and would have done anything. Around 2 yrs we got pregnant and had a beautiful son who is the light of our life. While pregnant fibromyalgia went into remission. 
While pregnant I neglected her, no sex which was my fault, made her feel ugly, worthless, I was horrible. I was always there physically just not emotionally. Which I know was the worst thing I could do.
Baby is born and I do a half assed proposal. I bought a ****ty ring with my tax return. I am kicking myself, she let me know how bad she was hurt, told her I would make it up to her and I never did. 
Time went on, things were ok, never great. I was going through the motions. I would do special things like buy flowers, bought a new really nice engagement ring, expensive everything. I thought I was doing right as I came from a poor family and was just trying to do the opposite of my parents.
Fast forward 2 yrs still not married because we couldn't nail down a date because of her parents couldn't agree on a date. Finally make it happen. And here we are 11 months later. 
She has always been vocal with what she was unhappy about. I have always thought things would get better because I always had something else to blame it on. I never blamed myself so I never took responsibility. I am pretty good a lying to myself and being in denial. My family always worked that way, my mother and father were like that due to my younger brother being autistic, it was tough because he was severely autistic and this was going on in the early 80's where people didn't know to much about it. 
I have also been a "nice guy" that's where the gifts and constant apologies have came from. I have been addressing that and am fully aware of dr glover, the book, the whole thing. 
I am loosing the person who has loved me more than anything, she has always been supportive, always stood beside me. I have neglected her, emotionally and physically.
We are thinking about splitting up as she is extremely resentful and doesn't know if she can get over the past.
We share the same values and goals and we both cant stand the thought of breaking up our family but she is unhappy. Honestly I have been unhappy because of the way things have been. In the past I have had doubts but know she is the one. Sometimes i think i have been resentful due to feeling like I was a caretaker as there were months she could barely move. I love her with everything and I hate myself for doing this to my family. How could I have been so stupid to let this beautiful, wonderful, caring, woman who is the mother of my child feel so neglected. I was stupid and immature, extremely selfish, and im worried its to late. I don't know what to do anymore. I wish we could start over. We did one marriage counseling session and the therapist blamed her for not trying, she doesn't want to go back, I can't blame her.
Sometimes I think a separation would help but I'm scared. I just want to wake up and everything be perfect again. 

I'm typing on a iPad so I can go in further detail later if need be on my laptop.

I need some guidance. Please help!


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