# Going back to maiden name or not



## PAgirl

My divorced has been finalized; decree issued. Now Im wondering if I am "supposed" to go back to my maiden name? I will be asking my lawyer this. But just curious what others do. My last name has been my married name for almost ten years and its the same last name as my kids name. Seems weird to go back to maiden name after all this time. :scratchhead:


----------



## Wolf1974

PAgirl said:


> My divorced has been finalized; decree issued. Now Im wondering if I am "supposed" to go back to my maiden name? I will be asking my lawyer this. But just curious what others do. My last name has been my married name for almost ten years and its the same last name as my kids name. Seems weird to go back to maiden name after all this time. :scratchhead:


You don't have to. At least here in Colorado. I wanted to force my x to give up my last name but she wouldn't and I had no recourse on it. It's probably your choice


----------



## Bluebirdie

I will take it away from my name. It is me back again as when I was single, kids will always be his kids but I will no longer be his wife.


----------



## PBear

My SO didn't go back to her maiden name. She was married about as long as she was single, so even though they didn't have kids, she kept her married name. Unless there's a legal requirement to change it, it's up to you. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I kept my married name. I wanted the same name as my daughter. Admittedly so I didn't look like someone who got pregnant out of wedlock. PLUS I'm not the same person I was when I was single. That was 25 years ago/15 years at the time of divorce. Also it was less of a hassle - I didn't have to change everything.

Do you like the name? Do you like the idea of having the same name as your kids? Do you feel like that person you were when you were unmarried? Do you want to sever that last reminder/send a message? Do you like your maiden name better? Do you have a career where changing it would be problematic? Do you think you'll marry again (an extra name change)?

It's a personal preference thing - I'd just ask myself some of the questions above.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Since my last disaster of a marriage lasted less than a year and was so awful for me, the idea of keeping his last name just sickened me. I actually changed my name BACK to my name from the previous marriage. I was that name for so long, thats the name I identify with. Plus its a GOOD name, lol! When I divorced my first husband, I kept his last name since it was my daughter's name.


----------



## Pluto2

PAgirl, in a lot of jurisdictions you had the right to return to your maiden name without additional charge by seeking it in the divorce decree-ask your attorney about the process in your jurisdiction.

I agree with EnjoliWoman on this. I wanted my children and I to have to same last name. Plus, after 28 years of having that name, I suspect it would have been difficult to go back. That's just me.


----------



## Healer

I'm hoping my ex wife changes her name soon. I don't want my last name attached to her. She was thinking she was going to change her last name to "Unicorn". Lol.


----------



## PAgirl

EnjoliWoman said:


> Do you like the name? Do you like the idea of having the same name as your kids? Do you feel like that person you were when you were unmarried? Do you want to sever that last reminder/send a message? Do you like your maiden name better? Do you have a career where changing it would be problematic? Do you think you'll marry again (an extra name change)?
> 
> It's a personal preference thing - I'd just ask myself some of the questions above.


I need to think it through more. I do like my married name and I don't identify with the old name anymore. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was that name! No idea if I will marry again. I don't have any prospects that's for sure. It would feel weird to have a different last name than the kids I think.


----------



## Rowan

I kept my married name. I wanted to keep the same last name as my son, and it's also the name I'm known by socially and professionally. And, well, I'm pretty lazy. Having to order new calling cards and stationary just seemed like too much work.  

He screwed up and his family still loves me and has no issues with me keeping their surname. If he objects to his ex-wife having his last name, he should have kept it in his pants so he wouldn't have an ex-wife. He's free to change his last name to something else if he has problem sharing it with me.


----------



## samyeagar

To add another layer to this, the symbolism of taking and keeping a name is very strong. It is one of those things that likely would be a discussion point in a new serious relationship. Especially if you have a friendly or close relationship with your ex.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'd happily take another man's name. I just didn't want to go back to my maiden name. It wasn't me after 15 years. But if I married I certainly would change it.


----------



## movealong

My XW went back to her maiden name in the divorce decree. I was kind of shocked because of our daughter, but an the other hand I was glad to have the crazy associated with her maiden name instead of my last name.


----------



## samyeagar

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'd happily take another man's name. I just didn't want to go back to my maiden name. It wasn't me after 15 years. But if I married I certainly would change it.


Yeah, of course  What I was getting at is keeping your married name, maintaining a relationship with your ex, then getting into a serious LTR.

I think it would be very reasonable to ask why the decision to keep the name of the man you divorced. Not saying it would be a deal breaker, or really a problem by any means, but it could make one wonder just how strong the ties to the past are, any kind of hangups on the ex.

Names are obviously very important to some women, as demonstrated here by wanting to make sure they have the same name as their children.


----------



## Openminded

Bluebirdie said:


> I will take it away from my name. It is me back again as when I was single, kids will always be his kids but I will no longer be his wife.


I felt exactly the same way when I divorced. 

I had my married name for 45 years but I wanted my maiden name back. It was the name I was born with. And I was no longer his wife and didn't want to share his name even though that's the name our son and grandchildren have. 

I wanted "me" back.


----------



## Rowan

samyeagar said:


> Yeah, of course  What I was getting at is keeping your married name, maintaining a relationship with your ex, then getting into a serious LTR.
> 
> I think it would be very reasonable to ask why the decision to keep the name of the man you divorced. Not saying it would be a deal breaker, or really a problem by any means, but it could make one wonder just how strong the ties to the past are, any kind of hangups on the ex.
> 
> Names are obviously very important to some women, as demonstrated here by wanting to make sure they have the same name as their children.


I think part of this might also be about what the accepted convention is in the culture in which you live. Where I am, it would be considered very odd to go back to your maiden name if there were children of the marriage. I don't know, IRL in my area, _any_ divorced mothers who have gone back to their maiden name. I do know divorced women without kids who have, just no moms. 

Men in the dating world here would be much more likely to question a switch back to my maiden name, than that I've kept my married one.


----------



## Arendt

Ex and I hyphenated our last names. I kept it the same, she did not. I have published and am known in the professional world within which I am work so changing it made no sense. I like it too.

If I get married again, I will encourage the woman to keep the name she has. She is her own person and does not need to be subsumed under my name. if she wants to hyphenate with my maiden last name or something, fine, but taking my lat name entirely, I am against that. I am against women changing their last name without the man having to do so as well. I think it is sexist and a symbol of patriarchal culture that needs to go.


----------



## FeministInPink

It's a personal decision, and the right choice is different for everyone.

When the XH and I married, I wasn't planning on taking his name. But he made a big stink about it. It was really important to him that I take his name because we were family now, and because we had chosen each other. So I suggested hyphenating so that we could have something new that was just us, but he refused to hyphenate and didn't want me to, either. He just made such a big freaking deal out of it, I finally caved and took his name, and took my maiden name as my middle name, so I could still keep it in some fashion, and I went by my full name after that (like Jada Pinkett Smith).

When we split, there was no way in hell I was going to keep his name, even though I'd been using it for 6 years. During our relationship, he had stolen and broken so many parts of me, there was no way I was going to continue to carry around a daily reminder of that. Taking back my maiden name was like reclaiming my soul.

It has also prevented me from keeping a very private thing (divorce) private, especially at work. Every time someone says, "Hello, Jada Smith!" I have to say, "Actually, it's Jada Pinkett now." And inevitably, they say congratulations because they think I've married, and I have to explain that no, I've not married, I've divorced, and I'm taking back my maiden name. No to mention that all the paperwork is a huge PITA.

We didn't have children, and I haven't published anything yet, so there was no good reason for me to KEEP the name.

But ultimately, I'm glad that I made this choice. I am much more proud to be my father's daughter, and I would much rather bear his name than the surname of a man who is nothing more to me than the memory of a poor choice and wasted time.

If I ever get married again, there is no way that I am changing my name, unless he wants to hyphenate. Actually, maybe not even then... and if he's worth marrying, he will understand that.


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> If I ever get married again, there is no way that I am changing my name, unless he wants to hyphenate. Actually, maybe not even then... and if he's worth marrying, he will understand that.


Yep.


----------



## whitehawk

l thought it was really weird ex keeping mine.
l mean imagine wanting a new life bad enough to put the family through hell to get it and then divorce him or her , the last thing l'd want is a reminder day in day out by keeping her name.
l just assumed she would change it back and we agreed my d would never change hers and that was that . Got the shock of my life when l found out tbh.
l feel like charging her rent on it .

ps , bit of karma of sorts really . You don't want me but l will always be there anyway, everyday , right in your face, every time you use my name .


----------



## dajam

My EW kept my last name, as we went through the papers I asked if she was going to change.. At that time her answer was after establishing her name for 29 years I am keeping it. I get it either way, as far as I know it has not changed. Either way it is her call... Not for me to worry about...I am hoping she has changed .. lol...


----------



## Ceegee

I would have liked her to revert to her maiden name. 

Hell, she changed it on Facebook. Alas, she continues to use my last name. 

It's been 20 years almost so my memory is foggy. I think she mentioned that she wanted to hyphenate. I probably expressed my disapproval. 

Call me sexist if you wish. I feel that's the way it should be and its not going to change. 

As someone else mentioned earlier, you probably could have changed it for free during the divorce process. 

Do what you want.


----------



## Holland

I had kept my maiden name as my middle name so when I got divorced I simply drop the surname and was back to my real name. I never wanted to have his surname to begin with but compromised for him.

It is no big deal to have a different name to my kids, has never been an issue. When I remarry I will not change my name again.


----------



## 2ntnuf

PennDOT Driver and Vehicle Services - Change of Name

Search Results


----------



## FeministInPink

Ceegee said:


> I would have liked her to revert to her maiden name.
> 
> Hell, she changed it on Facebook. Alas, she continues to use my last name.
> 
> It's been 20 years almost so my memory is foggy. I think she mentioned that she wanted to hyphenate. I probably expressed my disapproval.
> 
> Call me sexist if you wish. I feel that's the way it should be and its not going to change.
> 
> As someone else mentioned earlier, you probably could have changed it for free during the divorce process.
> 
> Do what you want.


It doesn't cost anything, it's just a TON of paperwork, and a TON of time.

Edited to add: The only thing that happens when changing your name during the divorce process is that the divorce decree serves as legal proof that your name has changed. 

Then you have to take that the Social Security to get a new card (free).

You can't get your new license until you get the SSN card, which can take up to a month.

Then you have to individually contact institution for every financial account to change the name.

And I had to get new passport, which cost me $120. Otherwise, my passport would have been valid for another ~10 yrs if I had kept my XH's name.

Utility bills, student loans, car loans, etc. etc... I'm still coming across accounts, a year out, that I still have to change.

Not to mention the frustration when your boss continually introduces me in person, and via email, by my married name.


----------



## Ceegee

Are you Miss Woman or Miss Pink now? 

What a PITA. 

But a small price to pay to cut ties with b1tches/douch3s. 

I'd make all the calls for her if she'd change it.


----------



## SepticChange

Depends on what the individual feels. I still have his last name. Surprisingly enough I do get judged for that, especially because our marriage ended because of his infidelity. As stupid as it sounds, I like his last name and it's easy to pronounce compared to my foreign maiden name so I'm not complaining. But I will change it. We've been divorced a year and I kept his for military purposes as everyone goes by their last name there. The plan was to go back when I left active duty but due to circumstances (my citizenship document got lost in the mail and I have to re-order a new one which costs hundreds of dollars and can take up to a year to receive a new one, so I have to save money and then wait, then get registered at the social security office...yeah. I'm pissed) I'm stuck with it. He doesn't care and neither does his family. In fact, when we first split I made a comment about going back to my maiden name and he asked me why and said that I should just forget about all the paperwork and just keep it. What a tool. Anyways, I will go back to the last name of the first man who disappointed and abandoned me, aka Dad lol.


----------



## Married but Happy

My ex went back, my wife kept her ex's name for the kids, despite totally despising her ex. I don't really care one way or the other - it's a personal choice.


----------



## GusPolinski

When my parents divorced in late 2006, I urged my mother to revert to her maiden name. After all, my brother and I were 28 and 31 at the time, so it's not like we needed her to retain our name for family unity or any of that jazz. She decided to keep the family name anyway (w/ all of the paperwork that's involved, I can't blame her) and wound up re-marrying a couple of years later.

Now that she's divorcing again, I've brought it back up, and she seems to be a bit more receptive to it now. Honestly, I hope she does it. Hell... I might do it too!


----------



## Almostrecovered

go with a brand new name like

"Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm"


----------



## 2ntnuf

http://youtu.be/UDPqB9i1ScY


----------



## SamuraiJack

or 'Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca...the Third'


----------



## Ceegee

Almostrecovered said:


> go with a brand new name like
> 
> "Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm"


I think I dated a Gretchen Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm in college.


----------



## BlueWoman

Just jumping in on this conversation. Because I finally decided what to do with my name. I am dropping completely. Actually filled out the paper work to legally change my name. I didn't want to go back to my maiden name, because I never knew my father and was the only one in my family with the name. I was happy to change my name when I got married. But I don't want his name anymore. He doesn't deserve that. So I am turning my middle name into my last name.


----------



## ne9907

I am legally changing my name to 
Queen Penelope of Narnia and the seventh Isles


----------



## 2ntnuf

ne9907 said:


> I am legally changing my name to
> Queen Penelope...Gretchen Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft...of Narnia and the seventh Isles


----------

