# Hubby of almost 17 years has been cheating on me for at least a decade!



## Jack_A_Roe (Feb 13, 2016)

I don't even know where to begin.... In 2011 I found out that he was having flirtatious relationships with women at work. One woman in particular rubbed me the wrong way... I knew, in my gut, that he wanted her. He swore that he would stop and that he loved and adored me. Well, fast forward to our wedding anniversary in 2014.... He surprised me with a trip to NYC as I had never been and guess what? That woman that I had a gut feeling about was in NYC that same weekend. He swears that he didn't know. Fast forward to April 2015.... He got a new phone so I went through his old phone and found a "whisper" of his stating that he is in love with his wife but also has feelings for another woman. I also found out that he was working even more closely with her and chose to mentor her. He was also trying to help her transfer jobs to Colorado where he has been trying to move us to for years. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago... I found his profile on multiple hookup sites looking for women for discreet fun. Not dating sites but straight up sex sites. One profile was created in 2008 and the most recent in 2014 and they're all active. He says that someone must have stolen his identity. Good lord, man! I'm not stupid! All he does is lie. We have four kids! I should also mention our 13yo attempted suicide this past October. Our oldest two children, 16 and 13, have PTSD as do I. We are in therapy and on medication for it.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Is the PTSD associated to the suicide attempt, or was there another previous trauma?

As far a your H goes? Sounds like he isn't 100% invested in you. If you are okay with that, hang in there. Otherwise, divorce him. Based on your son's age and how long you've been married, I assume your H only married you because you became pregnant. Not really a good enough reason.


----------



## Jack_A_Roe (Feb 13, 2016)

Acoa said:


> Is the PTSD associated to the suicide attempt, or was there another previous trauma?
> 
> 
> 
> As far a your H goes? Sounds like he isn't 100% invested in you. If you are okay with that, hang in there. Otherwise, divorce him. Based on your son's age and how long you've been married, I assume your H only married you because you became pregnant. Not really a good enough reason.



No, I was not pregnant when we got married. I got pregnant 1 month after we got married. We married young. We married for love. The PTSD was caused by our fighting and his temper and outbursts.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

So, what are you going to do Jack?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Leave. Don't look back. Take the kids and run. You should be able to get full custody with supervised visitation because of your H's impact on his own children.

Take him for what you can and be rid of him.

Protect your children and yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Get your kids away from this poisonous sham marriage PTSD has your husband got up on the stove and pissed on the fish yet or have you ran his Morgan 4/4 over with a truck nearly missing him

I am sorry for your kids please follow the link Talk About Divorce and Separation - Talk About Marriage


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Is this the weirdo*** poster? 

If not, sorry. Hope it gets better.


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Your husband is a mess. I could ask a lot of questions about the nature of his parents relationships and that of his Sibs is he has any, but at this point it is a waste of time. 

You stated you and the children are in theraphy. Has your therapist ever discussed your marriage? Do they feel it is a healthy marriage and the household a healthy one for the children? 

You cannot allow the fear of change and unknowns stop you. I get it, how do I work and be there for my kids, where will we live, how will I cope when I am alone. All of these things are doable, but first comes a commintment to make a change. No more, no less. That commitment takes the form of learning of and creating options. 

Start here State Specific Divorce and Custody Information - Divorce Source


----------



## Jack_A_Roe (Feb 13, 2016)

brooklynAnn said:


> Is this the weirdo*** poster?
> 
> 
> 
> If not, sorry. Hope it gets better.



What weirdo poster?? And why do you ask? I know that Hubby is a tapatalk user as well 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Jack_A_Roe (Feb 13, 2016)

JohnA said:


> Your husband is a mess. I could ask a lot of questions about the nature of his parents relationships and that of his Sibs is he has any, but at this point it is a waste of time.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Thank you 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Don't thank me, tell me what you will commit to and why. The rest is just figuring out how. There area lot of people here and else where that can help.


----------



## Jack_A_Roe (Feb 13, 2016)

JohnA said:


> Don't thank me, tell me what you will commit to and why. The rest is just figuring out how. There area lot of people here and else where that can help.



I was thanking you for the link 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Your welcome


----------



## Jack_A_Roe (Feb 13, 2016)

What I don't get is how normal he is behaving. Like nothing has happened. He looks at me confused when I don't want him touching me. He just asks me if I don't want to be around him. Wtf 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jack a Roe, this is devastating but if you are honest with yourself you have probably suspected things were not right for some time otherwise why are you both fighting. Normally fights arise under these circumstances because you want honesty and transparency and he is giving you the run around making you go stir crazy and so it goes. The kids hear all this and are caught up in the fray. You have to do a few things:

1. resolve to get off the roller coaster
2. remember that this can affect your kids for the rest of their lives and you have to do whatever it takes to protect them
3. have you kept all of the evidence (phone messages, etc) or is your evidence 'circumstantial' and he is stonewalling?
4. If so get more evidence. If you cannot, tell him very calmly based on what you have that you are not a fool, you have x, y, z and you can no longer trust him and there cannot be a marriage on this basis
5. Go to counselling for yourself (to heck with WH) and work through your feelings, you need to become more stable and grounded for yourself and your kids. When you learn that your happiness can come from yourself alone then you are ready to move on, in the mean time make plans
6. Go 180 on your WH. Having stated your position (unless he is an idiot) he needs to know that you are not playing the game of pretending anymore
7. Are your financially independent? If not it is still ok. Go and consult a lawyer to see what your options are with regard to moving out with your kids, financial support etc. You may arrange it that WH leaves the family home.
8. Your WH has either checked out or needs a huge wake up call, either way doing the 180 will help you emoionally detach and get on with your life.
9. Tell your family , his family and all your friends about your findings, do not cover for him, let him deal with the fall out.
10. Ask siblings or friends to support you in your next steps.

Your WH needs to be very clear that you are not afraid to leave him, and if the marriage is to work, he has to do all the leg work. if he shows no sign in doing so then you know it is time to divorce.

In the long run it is better for kids not to be in a toxic environment. I was very young when my parents divorced but as a young child I still remember the fights, my mother threatening my father with a knife, the screaming and him and the other women. it creates difficulties with trust, intimacy, etc in adulthood, do not let your kids suffer this.


----------



## Jack_A_Roe (Feb 13, 2016)

brooklynAnn said:


> Is this the weirdo*** poster?
> 
> 
> 
> If not, sorry. Hope it gets better.




What weirdo poster? Confused 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Jack_A_Roe said:


> What weirdo poster? Confused


I wouldn't pay any attention to that.

Is the divorce done yet?


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> I wouldn't pay any attention to that.
> 
> Is the divorce done yet?


Agreed, don't pay attention to that.

What's your plan, Jack?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

brooklynAnn said:


> Is this the weirdo*** poster?
> 
> If not, sorry. Hope it gets better.


MODERATOR NOTE:

If you doubt the veracity of a poster don't call them out! Use the report button, please.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

How are you doing JackARoe? I didn't see your post 9-10 months ago when you posted it. I hope you and the children are OK.


----------



## Jack_A_Roe (Feb 13, 2016)

Thank you all. I am still with him. Kids are doing so much better. It's still a [email protected] but at least it's calm. I don't love him but am focusing on me and the kids. I am living my life not tethered to his. He's a remorseless beta willing to throw it all away for a taste at being an alpha. It's pathetic and that's how I see him. I've made the decision to stay married for another 13 years until my youngest graduates high school. I'm sure that I will vent along the way but it's the choice I've made and I will own it. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hire the nastiest, meanest shark lawyer you can find and take that mofo to the cleaners.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Jack_A_Roe said:


> Thank you all. I am still with him. Kids are doing so much better. It's still a [email protected] but at least it's calm. I don't love him but am focusing on me and the kids. I am living my life not tethered to his. He's a remorseless beta willing to throw it all away for a taste at being an alpha. It's pathetic and that's how I see him. I've made the decision to stay married for another 13 years until my youngest graduates high school. I'm sure that I will vent along the way but it's the choice I've made and I will own it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


At least file for formal separation so he doesn't use your money for his cheating and so he doesn't ruin your credit. You can continue living in the same house I guess.


----------



## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Hire the nastiest, meanest shark lawyer you can find and take that mofo to the cleaners.


The meanest nastiest shark lawyers do nothing but run up the legal fees on both sides.

It's a complete waste of money.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Better still build a file on him and his shenanigans, keep mute, play happy families. The day you kid graduates, hand him the file with divorce papers, he wont know what has hit him!


----------

