# The children of affairs...



## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

I mentioned recently in another post that I have now left my serial cheating husband...chose christmas eve to give myself the best gift I could...a chance at a new and happier life. Has it been easy?? Well, lets just say I cried only four hours tonight instead of the six I did this morning. But, I was doing a whole lotta crying in the marriage to begin with..may as well cry for the right reasons versus the wrong ones.

Also mentioned in a post that I am going to be living with my best friend who also found out recently that her fiance ( who she has two teenage daughters with....has been a LONG engagement for sure!!) How the affair was found out was over strange numbers on the phone at odd hours. She called this number and got a womans voice machine. She left a message asking "are you involved with *Bill* and what the heck is going on". Well, the OW decided to call back later in the day and fess up to all. Sad thing is that before she went on her diatribe she neve asked for my friend by name. She assumed she was talking to her. Procceeded to say that she was in love with "bill" and that they had been having sex off and on for 8 months. That Bill didnt love her and that he had been planning to get out of the marriage anyway to be with her. Sad, sad thing about it was this...my friend didnt answer the phone...it was her thirteen year old daughter who got to hear it all. Besides saying "hello" her daughter couldnt get a word in edge wise. And by the time OW realized it wasnt my friend...this poor kid had heard way to much.

I have kinda been on a rant anyways lately about the kids caught in cheating marriages and this just made me so much more pissed and sad. 
My stbxh who is a serial cheater once told me how his dad would take him to his girlfriends house and make him wait in the car for hours while he was in the house with her. He assumed cuz my stbx was only 6-7 years old he didnt realize what was going on in there. Wrong. Cant help but assume this may have ALOT to do with my stbx's cheating ways...he grew up thinking it was a way of life.
Also had a friend once who was having an affair and got caught by her husband. He kicked her out and she got an apartment...and within three weeks her AP was moved in. Cant even imagine how confusing that was to her three children. dad eventually got custody of them..thank god!
I caught my mom kssing the neighbor when I was seven. My dad was away working on the road. I can still remember so clearly the day the mans wife and daughter came to our house and proceeded to try and beat up my mother calling her a "*****" and "homewrecker". I might have been young...but I knew what the h#ll was going on!!

How about the teenage girl stuck in the car with mom when they caught dad coming out of the motel with his OW...and had to witness mom beat up the OW and then proceeded to run dad over and over with the car killing him. Pretty sure she has a mental burden to bear for life.
Betty Brodrick shot and killed her ex husband and the woman he had a long term affair with and eventually left her for...three kids were left without any parents. One dead and one in prison for life.

The last two may seem extreme and in no way was I advocating such actions.
Remember when you were a kid and your parents assumed you were clueless to family problems..financial or maybe that ma or dad hated the in-laws. You werent supposed to know uncle Walter was a pervert...but you did...cuz you heard people over-talking. If a kid can find dads hidden penthouse...pretty sure they can find letters from other women. Or when you are supposed to be sleeping but you hear mom and dad fighting..you sneak to the top of the stairs to listen cuz you are nosey. Cant help but wonder how many kids hear the disclosure of DD and the tears and pain coming from the BS.

Dont know why I am writing this..maybe bringing up for the first time in my life recently about discovering my mothers affair has triggered an anger for the children of affairs. 

When I was a SR. in high school a good friend overheard her mother telling the moms sister that her dad had given her mom an std...turned out he got it from my friends other high school friend...wow.

So Many people assume they are not hurting their children from their affair...and possibly alot of kids are not effected...but for the ones that are ( myself included) its a bunch of bull.

Thinking of cheating? Get a divorce...work on making all parties feel like life can go on as two separate family units. Get the kids therapy and make them secure in the love of both parents and when everyone is well on the road to recovery...do what ya gotta do in the right way and the right order.

Now, I know some affairs are one time things and the marriage can be made right and in some cases I hear even stronger. I am not saying all people need to run to divorce court. I am talking the serial cheaters or in alot of cases when both parents cheat on each other consistently. Stop thinking of what you can get away with and start thinking of your children. Everything we do wrong in life can effect our children, and who they become later in life.


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