# No sex in my marriage



## undefined (Aug 7, 2011)

Ok so I normally wouldn't post on here about this but I need some advice or just someone elses opionion I guess. 

I have been married for 6 years now. In the beginning everything was great. We never had any problems when it came to sex. My husband is a little older than me and I know what you are thinking at this point, he has problems getting it up and going but that is not the case trust me. Ok so anyways, the past 2 years we have not done anything AT ALL. I have tried to initiate it but nothing, I either hear that he is too tired or I have to get up early. Now we have even gone to the point of sleeping under seperate covers. He has his and I have mine. I have always trusted him but the other night when he came home from work (he bartends) he got home at 2:10am and made the coffee and then looked and me and said you can turn the lights off, I will be upstairs. Well when I went upstairs he was in the shower. Now I don't know if he was getting sex from someone else cause when I asked him why he was taking a shower, which he never does, he gave me a lame excuse as to why. I am thinking that maybe he had sex with someone but I am not sure at all if he did. Just seems like even though he says he is deeply in love with me he doesn't find me attractive or something else is going on. I have never had an issue with sex, Past relationships heck we did it all the time. I am still young, I am only 37 and I want sex but now it is at the point that I don't even care if I have sex with him cause I have fallen out of love with him at this point.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I had a live in boyfriend eons ago, who came home with that wet paper towel smell down there. You know, the brown paper towels in public restrooms. Gee I wonder why he was out washing his **** in some public washroom somewhere...? People can be such a$$holes sometimes.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I see red flags, and I think you do to. 

How long has he worked at the bar?


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## undefined (Aug 7, 2011)

He has been working there now for 10 years. I see red flags too your right, But given the fact that in past relationships I was cheated on in all them. Why I don't know, cause in the bedroom I am freaky when need be. I don't hold back from oral sex at all. I know most guys want a women that is not afraid of oral and some guys find that a deal breaker. I know that is not the case with me. I love all sex, oral etc. 

I know that we have had a lot of issues and I kinda have some resentment toward him and am wondering if he has figured it out and that is why we don't have sex?


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## undefined (Aug 7, 2011)

I also wanted to add that I really at this point in time don't even want him to touch me. I noticed last week before this home and showered thing happened that when I was laying in bed his hand touched mine (he was sleeping) I noticed I got bothered by it and move my hand from him. I am wondering why I feel like I don't even want him at this point to touch me anymore. Is it cause I have fallen out of love with him for alot that has gone on within our marriage? Does he possibly know that?


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

My suggestion to you is, if you want to find out for sure what may or may not be going on. Show up at the bar. 

Even if you both have had some issues, not talking to you about the issues, and then not having sex, is not communicating, nor healthy.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Usually it's because they're getting it somewhere else...unless there's some type of medical condition? Or maybe porn use? Grasping at straws, here...then again, it could be age!

Just listen to your gut, and if you must, check up on him. No harm in that!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

undefined said:


> I also wanted to add that I really at this point in time don't even want him to touch me. I noticed last week before this home and showered thing happened that when I was laying in bed his hand touched mine (he was sleeping) I noticed I got bothered by it and move my hand from him. I am wondering why I feel like I don't even want him at this point to touch me anymore. Is it cause I have fallen out of love with him for alot that has gone on within our marriage? Does he possibly know that?


Other than no sex, what are some other issues that have gone on over the years? You said yourself you thought maybe you didn't love him much anymore after things had gone on within the marriage.


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## undefined (Aug 7, 2011)

I have a post if you want to check it out. It is the section on here Considering divorce of speration. It tells just about all that you are looking to understand if you want to check it out. 

I want to add that I do show up randomly all the time. I don't tell him I am coming there I just show up. There is really only 1 or 2 women that I feel might have a thing for him. Mind you this bar is not your normal bar though either. This is not like the young party crowd. It is more like the late middle aged to older crowd. It is your basic type of ******* beer and liquor type of place, Nothing fancy at all...


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## undefined (Aug 7, 2011)

It is alot of other things and alot to type in that is the only reason i sent you to my other post.. It is lengthy , to lenghty to type lol sorry, Don't at all want to seem like I was rude sorry. Hope you understand but I think you will when you read my other post.


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## undefined (Aug 7, 2011)

It is under Considering Divorce or Seperation.... The title is .... confused unsure and Unhappy in my marriage


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## undefined (Aug 7, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Usually it's because they're getting it somewhere else...unless there's some type of medical condition? Or maybe porn use? Grasping at straws, here...then again, it could be age!
> 
> Just listen to your gut, and if you must, check up on him. No harm in that!


NO he does not at all watch porn. I am lucky I can get him to stay awake to watch a movie. But then again who knows with him. I am home whenever he is and he goes to sleep before me usually so I don't think there is any porn lol. No medical condition that we are aware of. Age is not an issue , he can get it going with no problems at all but he is just not interested and at this point I no longer am anymore either.


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

good luck. my wife also resents me i believe and hardly any sex in 3 years. doesnt want me to touch her or even kiss her. we have started counselling.


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## undefined (Aug 7, 2011)

I don’t even want to consider counseling because there are a lot of things that I have not told him about how I feel. I want to be able to tell him before we ever consider counseling. I think I am going to do the counseling on my own first and then see where that foes for me. I know that he loves me, this is not the issue, but he never shows that he does. I mean come on buying me things because you know that I might like what you bought is not how a marriage should be. Materialistic things do not at all make a marriage. It just seems like I am an obligation for him that he doesn’t want to be bothered with anymore. 
I just went on vacation for 10 days and I have to say that I really did not miss being home or around him, or miss him for that matter. I know that is showing me something, like I can be with out him and not care. I am just so lonely and unhappy, and yes sex is not everything in a marriage but there is not a bit of intimacy at all in our marriage.
I have showed up at his work and there is no one there that I need to be worried about, so I know that he is not cheating physically but emotionally maybe. I know you are thinking what do I mean by emotionally, well he flirts all the time, and I also know that he cheated on his ex wife because she kept accusing him of it. That is not a reason to cheat but he did it. I am now thinking that he does not want to physically cheat but he does it emotionally with women at his first job. I think he thoroughly enjoys flirting with other women.


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