# Post-Infidelity Sex



## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

If any of you remember me from my past posts, there was infidelity in my marriage from both sides years back. Well now my wife and I relationship is great except for one thing. Whenever we have sex, there is this unspoken awkwardness between us. It almost feel like two strangers on a one-night stand. I understand when it was like this when we first reconciled but that was years ago. The awkwardness is still there. Is this normal?
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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

theone79 said:


> If any of you remember me from my past posts, there was infidelity in my marriage from both sides years back. Well now my wife and I relationship is great except for one thing. Whenever we have sex, there is this unspoken awkwardness between us. It almost feel like two strangers on a one-night stand. I understand when it was like this when we first reconciled but that was years ago. The awkwardness is still there. Is this normal?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get some therapy for this. It probably not unusual but if its not getting better with your efforts or on its own, get some help. There is no shame in that.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

Thanks. I appreciate it
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Aside from therapy, have you tried building sexual tension throughout the day through the use of foreplay (caresses, hugs and kisses)? The point is that when the time comes to be totally intimate, the passion will have built up between the two of you, that whatever past awkwardness will simply melt away.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

In my opinion I don't think it will ever be the same but I hope it's better then the awkward, clumsy feeling I have now. I hope to stare into her eyes while making love again also. But I'm not there yet. I did read about lovemaking begins in the morning. It was an article that was relatively short and I would say focused more on the female. I will see if I can find it and let you know. My IC suggested my wife and I sext throughout the day for more passion.
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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

It makes me think both of you have both some guilt still and don't trust each other intimately. I can understand that.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

Every single one of u guys got some great points and I thank u for that. I definitely will take heed
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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Try a marriage coach. They are not counsellors. They are to married couples what Julia Child was to French cooking.
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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bandit's idea of marriage coaching is a good one.

Also try doing a lot of other things together. Maybe cook foreign food learn a foreign language and try to speak to each other in that language when you are making love?
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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

theone79 said:


> If any of you remember me from my past posts, there was infidelity in my marriage from both sides years back. Well now my wife and I relationship is great except for one thing. Whenever we have sex, there is this unspoken awkwardness between us. It almost feel like two strangers on a one-night stand. I understand when it was like this when we first reconciled but that was years ago. The awkwardness is still there. Is this normal?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The physical intimacy is still linked to the infidelity. Maybe you could start giving eachother a weekly massage-night, to promote new memories related to trust, comfort and physical touching. Not as prelude to sex, but just for those reasons.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I just refreshed myself with your story theone79,

Did you ever get the full truth about her A from her?

If you did not, then that might help explain the great gulf you two are feeling in your sex life.

It's the lies and half-truths...they are still there between you two, even if you do not actively discuss them.

Until you have the full truth, there simply is no foundation to build a new M on IMO.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

Damn, you hit it right on the nose Dyokemm. No I think I did get the whole truth. Even though we moved on every once in a blue moon it crosses my mind wondering. And I think that's what plays a part in the awkwardness
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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

thatbpguy said:


> It makes me think both of you have both some guilt still and don't trust each other intimately. I can understand that.


Yea I really think so too
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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

theone79 said:


> Damn, you hit it right on the nose Dyokemm. No I think I did get the whole truth. Even though we moved on every once in a blue moon it crosses my mind wondering. And I think that's what plays a part in the awkwardness
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is something I wish spouses that broke the marriage trust could understand.

For some people, knowing exactly what happened is a horrible burden.

And for some people, not knowing is even more horrible.

What gets worse is that the longer it goes on, the more history gets re-written, and the truth may never come out. It might not even be possible because of the layers of rationalization and storytelling on top of it, and the repression -- the betrayer may no longer remember exactly what they did.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

We guys are visual animals, and those mind movies are brutal and have a way of searing themselves into our cerebellums. Women seem to be able to let it go at some point. 

I would say that you probably feel like you lost your real estate when your wife gave herself to another man. She's a foreign country now. It is hard to get that feeling of connection back if you are a guy who tends to be a bit possessive like me. 

She's reading your body language and responding in kind. A woman usually wants the man to lead in the bedroom, and it is hard for you to lead when you are fighting with those dark memories.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> We guys are visual animals, and those mind movies are brutal and have a way of searing themselves into our cerebellums. Women seem to be able to let it go at some point.
> 
> I would say that you probably feel like you lost your real estate when your wife gave herself to another man. She's a foreign country now. It is hard to get that feeling of connection back if you are a guy who tends to be a bit possessive like me.
> 
> She's reading your body language and responding in kind. A woman usually wants the man to lead in the bedroom, and it is hard for you to lead when you are fighting with those dark memories.


U made an excellent point there
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