# Child support question. need help



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Earlier this year, the state of Texas had my exwf and I attend a child support review. I am the primary while their mother pays child support. Rare, i know. I a very accommodating when it comes to child support. I currently receive under the minimum and ask nothing more from her. But my kids are growing older and their needs are getting more expensive. My mortgage has increased by $200 since i divorced, so the meeting was important to me and the kids.

They discovered my ex makes significantly more than when we divorced back in 2012. She balked at the state's minimum for child support. And it was all I was asking for too, just the minimum.

She said she has too much debt and all of the flights she makes to see the kids amounts to $4500 a year. She ignores the fact she moved or abandoned the family before we were divorced to live with a cousin in another state and never returned. She ended up staying there and found work. Shes responsible for paying the kids flights to see her in our decree, so why should the kids and I be penalized for this regarding cs? 

She also said she has accumulated debt like purchasing a home, etc. that she can't afford the child support.
The child support center/attorney general office asked if I would accept a lower child support payment and I said no. Again, I am only asking for a minimum , yet fair support for my 2 kids. So now we are going to court in 2 months.

So I have several questions:
1. Even though it seems like a winnable case, should I hire a lawyer? What is a fair price to be represented for something like this? $500??
2. Can she have it lowered based on debt or travel expenses?
3. She said no to me and the state a year ago. If I win and the cs increases, can I make the payments retroactive to a year ago?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

It is normal for child support to be reviewed every couple years so that it can be adjusted since circumstances and salaries change. Whether you need a lawyer is up to you, but I'd use one if I were in your situation. The family court lawyers in my area are $200-300/hr so getting by for $500 is not likely. Does your family court have a help center online including a child support calculator?


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I think they do. When I was at the review last February, they did all the calculations there. It was a significant increase because her salary is much higher than when we divorced.
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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Seems pretty straight forward then. The courts decide these cases in the kid's best interest and I doubt how they'd see her paying too little is of any benefit to the kids. Her saying she bought a house is not a compelling reason to not take care of her financial obligation to her kids. You might want to meet with a lawyer for an initial consult and figure out whether you should hire one. I personally don't think you'd save anything by skipping a lawyer because if you lose it will cost you a lot more in the long run than the price of an attorney. Did she hire an attorney?


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## Milligans1998 (Dec 14, 2015)

I was a woman who paid child support. It's not as uncommon as people think. 
My judge didn't care one bit that I had other bills to pay or that I had to pay airfare to travel to see my kids (it was cheaper for me to travel to them than for them to travel to me). Even though my ex moved away after the divorce and custody arrangements were done. He remarried and they moved to another state. 
The judge basically told me "I don't care of you sleep on the streets, but your child support better get paid". My kids come first.
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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

She says she has a lawyer helping her, but I honestly think it's a consult. She lives out of state so it's possible she's doing it by phone with a lawyer here, but I doubt it. She didnt hire a lawyer when we divorced. Regardless, I'm getting a lawyer. Better to be safe than sorry. 

Milligan - I know times are changing. Sorry your ex took the kids and moved away making it harder for you to see them. I know it sounds crazy, but I tried to convince my ex to come back because my kids needed to be closer to their mom. But I wasn't moving to her state because all of the family (her side and mine) live 10-20 minutes away,so it was a no brainer.
She has it in her head that all this debt and other expenses should keep her from paying the state minimum. Another example, our house is now in my name (deed), and I pay the mortgage. But her name is on the mortgage until I sell or refinance. She wants to use this in her defense too?!? 

Also, if I do hire a lawyer, could I get her to pay the lawyer fees since this is so unnecessary?
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The court will most likely award the amount that you seek since it's the state's minimum based on their own guidelines. 

The cost of traveling back and forth is on her at this point. I hope that the court continues to see it that way. She should have never moved that far away. But she did and that is on her.

It upsets me when people argue against paying child support.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> She says she has a lawyer helping her, but I honestly think it's a consult. She lives out of state so it's possible she's doing it by phone with a lawyer here, but I doubt it. She didnt hire a lawyer when we divorced. Regardless, I'm getting a lawyer. Better to be safe than sorry.
> 
> Milligan - I know times are changing. Sorry your ex took the kids and moved away making it harder for you to see them. I know it sounds crazy, but I tried to convince my ex to come back because my kids needed to be closer to their mom. But I wasn't moving to her state because all of the family (her side and mine) live 10-20 minutes away,so it was a no brainer.
> She has it in her head that all this debt and other expenses should keep her from paying the state minimum. Another example, our house is now in my name (deed), and I pay the mortgage. But her name is on the mortgage until I sell or refinance. She wants to use this in her defense too?!?
> ...


You will have to ask the lawyer about whether or not she may have to pay for your lawyer.

My point of posting is that I think you need to think about asking for only the minimum. 

Is she likely to earn more in the future?
Are the kids likely to cost more in the future?

I would ask for what you think is fair. Think that this amount will probably not be changed until you review again in a few years. Best to set the amount at something that you can live with for a longer period of time.

If she is awarded the minimum, next year (if she gets a raise) she will probably be below the minimum again.

Isn't there some requirement that the amounts change annually, automatically when incomes change? Seems like that would make the most sense. Both spouses should have to notify when incomes change and amounts should be adjusted. Failure to do so, should amount to having to 'back pay' any adjustments that should have been made. 

Maybe ask the lawyer that. Maybe she owes you for past years when she should have been paying more.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

If you can get her to agree to the minimum, not attorney is needed, the Child support office does it all. If not, they send it to court and you should get an attorney, and ask for her to pay the fees, since it is her refusal to pay the minimum amount that necessitated court intervention.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Ok, so here's an update since my last post. Bottom line? The state has an attorney already appointed to this case since it appears it's the State VS My EX, not me vs. my EX. They served my EX papers already.

1. My EX calls me on the day after Christmas to tell me she and her attorney (she has hired one) has run a credit check and asked me to refinance my house so my payments will be cheaper for me (plus it takes her off the mortgage). I think it's her way of proving I don't need the state minimum (which would increase due to her significant pay).

2. Two days later, I consult with a new attorney and a damn good one at that. She shared that she would be shocked if my EX wins the case. She knows the judge and says the judge is pretty cut and dry in child support cases. She suggested a few things I can say in court to the judge, but that if she was me she wouldn't hire an attorney because it's a fairly easy win.

3. Later that day, was able to go into the Public Records and discovered that not only does my EX have an attorney and his name was listed, but the state has retained their own attorney for this case too! I have the state attorney's name and everything....So it looks like there is already an attorney in place for the state who wants their child support money.

I was thinking of contacting this state attorney to provide additional info/insight into the case as it may help her. 

Also, I am thinking of getting one more consult with a different attorney to make sure I'm doing the right thing with not hiring an attorney. I didn't tell my last consult that there was a state appointed attorney because I had no idea. 

What would you guys do in my position? Am I doing the right thing by not hiring an attorney?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I would contact the state attorney to see if there is any supporting material you could provide that would help. It will also let the attorney know that you are on top of things and involved. These attorneys have a zillion cases and tend to be overworked in an under-staffed office.

I would be surprised that your expenses would impact on her obligation, since child support is pretty much based on salary plus health insurance/expenses. Sometimes separate financial needs of the kids are considered, but your bills are your bills-making her suggestion irrelevant.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I would tell your XW that you are submitting the case to binding mediation! Case closed!

The mediator would hold her feet to the fire in the best interest of the kids! Discuss this with the AG's office!*
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Interesting, is the state collecting the child support and then giving it to you?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

cheapest way to deal with multi-state support enforcement


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Hi EleGirl!!
Yes, the state of Texas or the Office of the Attorney General collects the child support and then transfers it to me/ my bank account. If my EX fails to pay or falls behind, the OAG goes after her employer to garnish her wages to eventually make up for the deficit. In other words, they are there to enforce it and do some of the dirty work if needed.

And Mr. Arbitrator- What is a binding mediation? 

I think we tried "mediation" at the OAG office twice last year when the state initiated the CS review, but my EX and I couldn't come to an agreement ( state said here's the new CS payment based on her current salary, she did not want to pay the new minimum, the state asked what my thoughts were about agreeing to her suggested less than the minimum and I said no way! I just want the state %minimum).


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Houstondad said:


> Hi EleGirl!!
> Yes, the state of Texas or the Office of the Attorney General collects the child support and then transfers it to me/ my bank account. If my EX fails to pay or falls behind, the OAG goes after her employer to garnish her wages to eventually make up for the deficit. In other words, they are there to enforce it and do some of the dirty work if needed.
> 
> And Mr. Arbitrator- What is a binding mediation?
> ...


*Unfortunately, "binding mediation" does require tacit approval on the part of both litigating parties! 

As well as your presiding Court Judge!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *Unfortunately, "binding mediation" does require tacit approval on the part of both litigating parties!
> 
> As well as your presiding Court Judge!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I might be wrong, but I think we may be past that point. Since she couldn't agree to the State's Standard, the pressure is on her to prove she is not obligated to pay the minimum for whatever reason(s) she comes up with. Why would I agree to something LESS than the minimum? I could understand if I asked for MORE than the minimum and we eventually agreed to something in the middle. I feel like anything LESS than the minimum is irresponsible to my kids!
Regarding this situation, she told me she is being "sued" by the State of Texas.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Houstondad said:


> I might be wrong, but I think we may be past that point. Since she couldn't agree to the State's Standard, the pressure is on her to prove she is not obligated to pay the minimum for whatever reason(s) she comes up with. Why would I agree to something LESS than the minimum? I could understand if I asked for MORE than the minimum and we eventually agreed to something in the middle. I feel like anything LESS than the minimum is irresponsible to my kids!
> *Regarding this situation, she told me she is being "sued" by the State of Texas.*


*For what, pray tell?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

I am absolutely gobsmacked that a dad in Harris County got both primary custody and child support from his exw. Just... wow.

You should let the OAG go ahead a pursue her for CS. You did the right thing and consulted with an Attorney who knows the Judge involved, and I would advise you follow her advice and not hire an attorney, and just the state appointed on handle the filings, etc. If somehow it doesn't turn out correctly, then go back to the Attorney you spoke to and see about hiring her to appeal, etc.

What you ex-w has been doing to you is known as "baffle you with bulls**t". She has been telling you all those things to keep you confused and give you the idea that going back for CS would be bad, most likely knowing very well that she should be paying according to the TX state formula. It's very cut and dry, including the reasons for any deviation - and to slightly paraphrase what I said in a different thread the other day about CS in Texas ... "Because Mommy wants is NOT a reason". 

Remember, she has every incentive to lie to you about the rights of your child. And Child Support is considered a right of the child, not something she owes you.

Also, make sure to get facts about her income and keep them available. It wouldn't surprise me if she "claims" she "lost" her job the week before her court date. She probably thinks she has nothing to lose by lying. (Seriously, the majority of the women who I have seen interviewed, and the few I've talked to personally, who pay child support are *livid* at the very concept and scream bloody murder that it's all wrong, whereas most men, even those who don't pay up, don't try to deny its validity - I think it is due to our cultural socialization)


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, my court date is 2 days away. I've already hired a lawyer and we've spoken over the phone about my case last week, but I'm feeling nervous because she and I haven't had a face to face meeting. Can it be normal not to have a face to face leading up to the court date? 
She and the other attorneys I spoke to feel this is a very winnable case, but I'm still worried she may be awarded the flight/travel reduction or any other curve ball she may throw at the court. Anyways, trying to build the confidence to walk in to court, kick *** and take care of business for my kids.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> Well, my court date is 2 days away. I've already hired a lawyer and we've spoken over the phone about my case last week, but I'm feeling nervous because she and I haven't had a face to face meeting. Can it be normal not to have a face to face leading up to the court date?
> She and the other attorneys I spoke to feel this is a very winnable case, but I'm still worried she may be awarded the flight/travel reduction or any other curve ball she may throw at the court. Anyways, trying to build the confidence to walk in to court, kick *** and take care of business for my kids.


Best of luck to you!!!!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Houstondad said:


> Well, my court date is 2 days away. I've already hired a lawyer and we've spoken over the phone about my case last week, but I'm feeling nervous because she and I haven't had a face to face meeting. Can it be normal not to have a face to face leading up to the court date?
> She and the other attorneys I spoke to feel this is a very winnable case, but I'm still worried she may be awarded the flight/travel reduction or any other curve ball she may throw at the court. Anyways, trying to build the confidence to walk in to court, kick *** and take care of business for my kids.


Hoping they laugh her out of the place about her self inflicted travel expenses! Good luck to you HD!


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Stop asking for the minimum amount of support. You owe this woman nothing.

Get as much as you can.

You can always give some of it back to her if you're so inclined.

Every dime she keeps is that much less available for your children.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Good luck!
Nerves are normal, don't worry.


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