# How to solve this messed up state of mind



## hummingbird7436 (Sep 4, 2013)

I am a 32 year old married man. Married for 3 years and now my wife is about to have baby. I am not very much happy in marriage, but this my wife does not know. I am a Junior teacher by profession and recently got a new job. I am hopelessly in love with a young student. If I had not been married I would have definitely courted her. Right now I feel as if to go back in time and change the circumstances. I hate being married right now when love of my life is in front of me and I can't do anything about it. I am not even sure if I made any advances, this young student would get offended as I would be a married man trying to flirt with her or accept me. At the same time i dont want hurt my wife at this time, not because I love her but because that would be a inhumane thing to do. How should I proceed with this.?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

hummingbird7436 said:


> I am a 32 year old married man. Married for 3 years and now my wife is about to have baby. I am not very much happy in marriage, but this my wife does not know. I am a Junior teacher by profession and recently got a new job. I am hopelessly in love with a young student. If I had not been married I would have definitely courted her. Right now I feel as if to go back in time and change the circumstances. I hate being married right now when love of my life is in front of me and I can't do anything about it. I am not even sure if I made any advances, this young student would get offended as I would be a married man trying to flirt with her or accept me.  At the same time i dont want hurt my wife at this time, not because I love her but because that would be a inhumane thing to do. How should I proceed with this.?



Guess it's a good thing she doesn't know about her creepy stalker teacher, nor her parents, nor the institution where you teach, cause you wouldn't have to be miserable with your wife, you'd be miserable in jail after having been fired and teaching credentials revoked.

Are you nuts!


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## hummingbird7436 (Sep 4, 2013)

I think you had a misunderstanding. I teach in a senior college and not school. She is 28years old. And the the only reason I didn't do anything because I know it sounds really crazy. Nonetheless its a state of mind and I want to get rid of it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

hummingbird7436 said:


> I think you had a misunderstanding. I teach in a senior college and not school. She is 28years old. And the the only reason I didn't do anything because I know it sounds really crazy. Nonetheless its a state of mind and I want to get rid of it.


Many colleges would fire a professor who tried to date one of their students.

How long have you has this woman in your class?

You are infatuated right now. You do not love this woman. You don't know her.

The woman is a fantasy.

How long did you date your wife before you married her?

If you do not love your wife, then either you work to cultivate love within yourself for her or you leave her. Staying with her as things are is not doing her any good.

If you want to leave her, move out and file for divorce. Take care of her until the baby is born then help her transition in a life as a single mother. Anything less would make you a clod.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Your professional career is on the line here, plus if you have not gone out with her (good for you) how can you be certitain she's the love of your life? You sound like a high school kid with a crush. Look for individual counseling she may repesent something that is missing or not right in your life. Don't put your job and marriage in jeopardy. You are an adult and a professional there are morals and ethical conduct you need to abide by.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Tell your wife about your fantasy crush. She deserves to know the father of her child really does not love her so she can make an informed decision about her own life and whether she wants to be married to you anymore.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

hate to say it but most men who have a baby on the way have the same types of feelings about their wives and other females in their direct lives. their wife has changed, mentally, emotionally, and physically. the whole dynamic has changed and you are no longer her one true love. 

I cannot say I have not had thoughts about some of the ladies I have met or worked with that I got the idea "if things were just a little different". I have never pursued these thoughts though because I have made a commitment to my wife and our future. 

I can tell you if I cheated on my wife that lady would need to be pretty darn special to lose my wife and little girl and likely all her family and my family.

stop thinking about this other young lady in your class, you have made your decision to be with your wife and more importantly to have a baby with her. if you need to remove yourself from teaching that class then do that. remove the temptation from your life. it cannot be easy when your wife is almost ready to give birth and you are rejected all the time, and then you go to your class and there are all these hot young lasses that are at the perfect age and are "ripe".

focus on that little child that will be coming into your world soon. help your wife with stuff around the house, get things ready for the baby, fall in love with her and the baby.

not going to skip around on this. you have to suck it up, be a husband and daddy and stop being a selfish teenager who is in lust with another woman. you made your choice , stick to it and love it and enjoy it. do not screw up everybody's lives because you think you can do better. stop being greedy, it is no longer "your life" it is not " their life". 

you would be a real douche if you left your wife on the delivery table by herself and went on a movie date with some lady, "okay dear, gonna go watch star trek and have some beers after, let me know how this whole baby things works out for ya ...need anything before I leave?" 

think your family would like that, do you think the baby's grandparents would appreciate that? I would be thoroughly ashamed if my brother did that.


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## hummingbird7436 (Sep 4, 2013)

Thanks a lot guys. Its not as if was really going to do anything stupid. I guess the reason i am thinking such a things is really because i was missing the 'fun days' of my life. After 3 years of marriage and getting past 30 and being among the younger people made me a bit jealous i must say. 
I am at the turning point in my life, it made me scared to hell. May be this is infatuation and culmination of change which occurs at around 30 years of life. I am not a creep who does affairs and fools around. I am very well aware the consequences. I I posted this question because I knew what I am supposed to do. But it is sometimes good to hear it from someone else, nice and blunt it may be. 
P.S. Thanks Marko : You summed it very well.
Regards


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

hummingbird7436 said:


> I am a 32 year old married man. Married for 3 years and now my wife is about to have baby. I am not very much happy in marriage, but this my wife does not know. I am a Junior teacher by profession and recently got a new job. I am hopelessly in love with a young student. If I had not been married I would have definitely courted her. Right now I feel as if to go back in time and change the circumstances. I hate being married right now when love of my life is in front of me and I can't do anything about it. I am not even sure if I made any advances, this young student would get offended as I would be a married man trying to flirt with her or accept me. At the same time i dont want hurt my wife at this time, not because I love her but because that would be a inhumane thing to do. How should I proceed with this.?


I can't even respond to you. I'm looking for the "punch you in the temple" emote. (figuratively of course).

SERIOUSLY MAN!?!?! Okay sit back and re-read what you wrote.

Love of your life? = A woman who doesn't even know you're interested?
Pregnant wife = Checking out your students
You're a teacher She's your student....inappropriate much?

You need to go get help. Go to counseling.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You're "hopelessly in love" with a student you don't even know? Not so often you hear this stuff from men (i use the term loosely in this case). Dude, put down the romance novels and grow up. Geez.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It appears to me this is a combination of cold feet regarding the responsibility of raising a child and a case of the grass appearing greener on the other side. 

It's not unusual you might be thinking wistfully of the freedom of being young at this point in your life. Think twice before considering acting on it. You're about to embark on one of the greatest adventures of your life...raising a child.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Marko said: "hate to say it but most men who have a baby on the way have the same types of feelings about their wives and other females in their direct lives. their wife has changed, mentally, emotionally, and physically. the whole dynamic has changed and you are no longer her one true love."


I'm going to make a guess that you are not speaking for "MOST" men in the above sentence. My guess is that "MOST" men love their pregnant wives and their babies who are on their way into the world and do NOT fantasize about other women during this precious time in their lives.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

hummingbird7436 said:


> Thanks a lot guys. Its not as if was really going to do anything stupid. I guess the reason i am thinking such a things is really because i was missing the 'fun days' of my life. After 3 years of marriage and getting past 30 and being among the younger people made me a bit jealous i must say.
> I am at the turning point in my life, it made me scared to hell. May be this is infatuation and culmination of change which occurs at around 30 years of life. I am not a creep who does affairs and fools around. I am very well aware the consequences. I I posted this question because I knew what I am supposed to do. But it is sometimes good to hear it from someone else, nice and blunt it may be.
> P.S. Thanks Marko : You summed it very well.
> Regards


 I know I was blunt but that's what folks need to hear sometimes. I have been in some tough scenarios and found the best thing is to lay down the truth. it makes you think for a second and people have a tendency to change their minds. working as a bouncer you need to be very subtle or the other guy or perhaps you could get hurt really bad. I would rather hurt somebody's feelings than put them in hospital.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Marko said: "hate to say it but most men who have a baby on the way have the same types of feelings about their wives and other females in their direct lives. their wife has changed, mentally, emotionally, and physically. the whole dynamic has changed and you are no longer her one true love."
> 
> 
> I'm going to make a guess that you are not speaking for "MOST" men in the above sentence. My guess is that "MOST" men love their pregnant wives and their babies who are on their way into the world and do NOT fantasize about other women during this precious time in their lives.


you are right , I cannot speak on behalf of all men, I should have stated" most men I know" not that they are dogs and chase after everything in sight, but the men I have talked to the majority have had wives with difficult pregnancies and are either sick and vomiting or tired or both all the time, which to the men equals no sex. so of course they get weird emotions going through them.8-15 months(including post pregnancy) of no sex makes you think differently. 

it does not mean they love their wives less, they are just well......horny.:scratchhead:

a few that are def. not my friends had extra marital affairs because they were used to having sex 3-5 times a week then suddenly it was reduced to nothing.

when my wife was pregnant it was the most precious time in my life, I aided my wife in any way possible. I would not ever have thought about cheating on her. I can understand how it might happen though.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

> hate to say it but most men who have a baby on the way have the same types of feelings about their wives and other females in their direct lives. their wife has changed, mentally, emotionally, and physically. the whole dynamic has changed and you are no longer her one true love.


Um, that sir, is a load of crap. When my wife and I got pregnant with our first child, my love and attraction toward my wife grew even more than I thought possible. I mean, I helped get her pregnant and I was excited at the prospect of being a dad. Yes, I understood that I would probably not get all of the face time (or as much cooch time) from her as I would like, but being that she is my partner in life, I knew that she still needed me as much (or more) as I need her. In my experience with male friends and relatives is consistent with my situation. In fact, I have yet to meet a man (to my knowledge) that has acted as Hummingbird.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

> I am a 32 year old married man. Married for 3 years and now my wife is about to have baby. I am not very much happy in marriage, but this my wife does not know. I am a Junior teacher by profession and recently got a new job. I am hopelessly in love with a young student. If I had not been married I would have definitely courted her. Right now I feel as if to go back in time and change the circumstances. I hate being married right now when love of my life is in front of me and I can't do anything about it. I am not even sure if I made any advances, this young student would get offended as I would be a married man trying to flirt with her or accept me. At the same time i dont want hurt my wife at this time, not because I love her but because that would be a inhumane thing to do. How should I proceed with this.?


You sir, need some serious help. You are obsessed with someone who hardly knows that you exist and you are entertaining a scenario that could lose you your marriage, relationship with you unborn child, your job. You need to take some time to evaluate your situation like an adult and really decide if you do not care about your wife. If you screw your marriage up, you just may be like one of these other posters on this board who regret leaving their spouse and would do anything to get them back. I mean, how does your wife treat you? How does she feel about you? You may blow the best thing that has ever happened to you, because of some young hottie that would probably never be compatible with you in the first place. I am here to tell you, THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!!! GO GET SOME FERTILIZER AND GREEN YOUR OWN SH!T UP!!!!


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

rushwater, not trying to pick a fight but I did correct myself in the previous post. it might just be the unfortunate attitude in the province I live in. I have seen some real knuckle heads having kids that definitely have no business pro-creating. 

I personally feel the same in my relationship as you did, I already explained that in my other post. 

the OP also corrected himself in a previous post, while i am not defending his thoughts about his wife he did come on the board and explain his thought process and hopefully has things clearer in his head about his relationship and I will give him credit for that. 

your responses are a little slow,you should read previous posts before sounding off. 

good day sir.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

marko said:


> you are right , I cannot speak on behalf of all men, I should have stated" most men I know" not that they are dogs and chase after everything in sight, but the men I have talked to the majority have had wives with difficult pregnancies and are either sick and vomiting or tired or both all the time, which to the men equals no sex. so of course they get weird emotions going through them.8-15 months(including post pregnancy) of no sex makes you think differently.
> 
> it does not mean they love their wives less, they are just well......horny.:scratchhead:
> 
> ...


The way I see it, couples who decided to have babies have signed up for the baby/child rearing life experience. That means the mom has to deal with the vomiting and tiredness and bloating and everything else that goes along with pregnancy, the pain of delivery, and all the effects on her body after pregnancy. And it means the dad has to deal with the impact on him, too, even if it is being horny.

I'm sure vomiting and feeling heavy and uncomfortable and peeing every 5 minutes and being unable to reach your toes impacts the mom's thinking, too. I don't expect that to lead to her poisoning her marriage.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

norajane said:


> The way I see it, couples who decided to have babies have signed up for the baby/child rearing life experience. That means the mom has to deal with the vomiting and tiredness and bloating and everything else that goes along with pregnancy, the pain of delivery, and all the effects on her body after pregnancy. And it means the dad has to deal with the impact on him, too, even if it is being horny.
> 
> I'm sure vomiting and feeling heavy and uncomfortable and peeing every 5 minutes and being unable to reach your toes impacts the mom's thinking, too. I don't expect that to lead to her poisoning her marriage.


I cannot/will not argue that point at all. it should be the standard to stand by your wife when she is pregnant and do anything that needs to be done, and help any way possible. it is indeed the mightiest partnership there can be.

there are bad parents out there that do not think things through though, I am sure you have seen more than a few on this site, and that is just a small fraction. I would assume that most that do the bad things would not come here and brag about it and ask how to fix it all the time because they themselves do not view it as them doing something wrong. 

some men are very selfish and very short visioned.

of course this is all just my two cents and my perception of some men and women that I have known. this is not how I think or behave.


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