# Sex within 2 hrs of meeting someone.



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Ladies of TAM, have you ever went from "hi, my name is _____" to "bang me harder" within a short period of time? This exact situation happened at least 3 times with my fWW in her adult life and I wondered how rare this type of occurrence happens. 

She was a professional model and was constantly hit on by top-shelf men (CEOs, professional athletes, politicians, etc). Speaking from a man's perspective, I have never been successful at this endeavor, even if I was trying to score after just meeting a lady.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Let's be clear here, if they were banging her within 2 hours of meeting, these were not "top-shelf men".


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I'm a dude, but I once had sex with a woman within 5 minutes of meeting her. Casual sex or hookups was usually within an hour or two if it was going to happen.

My one threesome was about an hour and a half of meeting the two of them.

If you're going for casual sex it's either gonna happen or it's not gonna happen. Best be direct with it if that's what you're looking for.

LTRs I approached differently.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I have never done this but have many friends who have. Usually this happened during a time in their lives when they were open to such an event due to other circumstances in their lives. Either they were in an experimental stage, or were just recently single, or they wanted to be sexual with no strings attached and the right guy came along at the right time.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I'm a male, and have had many women approach me for just this thing, but turned them down.

The first woman I was with, we had known each other for a few months, but slept together within a few hours on our first date. We dated for a couple of years, and then she died. My ex-wife, again, I had known for a month or so, and we slept together within a few hours on our first date. We were together for 20 years. The third woman I have been with, my current wife, we knew each other for about a month, and slept together almost immediately on our second date. We have been together going on four years now.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Let's be clear here, if they were banging her within 2 hours of meeting, these were not "top-shelf men".


Assuming they weren't married or exclusive with someone, why wouldn't they be top shelf just because of this?


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

In her situations, she was recently single and was feeling abandoned. And many of the men who hit on her were actors. Thank god Bill Cosby wasn't one of them!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MAJDEATH said:


> In her situation, she was recently single.


what I have found is two things with women.

If they got dumped, sometimes they want to score another dude again soon to feel better and feel wanted and feel attractive.

If they did the dumping, they're like "finally, I want a new cowboy to ride!"

I don't find guys are actually that different. Well, me, anyway.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

I will answer the OP's question with yes, sort of. In my case I met online with the full acceptance on both sides that we were looking for casual only. We chatted for a week prior to first meetup. Then an hour later, back to my place. So face-to-face was that night but we'd "known" each other for a week or so. 

Let me pose this question, along the same lines, to the men:

If you've met online, emailed/texted for 2 weeks prior to meeting and even progressed to sexting, BUT she let you know several times she was looking for LTR and not a hook-up (you agreed), what would you be expecting on a first date? Add to it, you are a distance apart (2.5 hours) and you are making the drive.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

SARAHMCD said:


> I will answer the OP's question with yes, sort of. In my case I met online with the full acceptance on both sides that we were looking for casual only. We chatted for a week prior to first meetup. Then an hour later, back to my place. So face-to-face was that night but we'd "known" each other for a week or so.
> 
> Let me pose this question, along the same lines, to the men:
> 
> If you've met online, emailed/texted for 2 weeks prior to meeting and even progressed to sexting, BUT she let you know several times she was looking for LTR and not a hook-up (you agreed), what would you be expecting on a first date? Add to it, you are a distance apart (2.5 hours) and you are making the drive.


Expecting? No.

Hoping? Yes.

After a 2.5 hour drive? He must be hoping pretty hard. I once refused to date a girl that lived 30 minutes away.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

marduk said:


> Expecting? No.
> 
> Hoping? Yes.
> 
> After a 2.5 hour drive? He must be hoping pretty hard. I once refused to date a girl that lived 30 minutes away.


That's what I'm guessing he's thinking too. And hey, I'm worth the drive :wink2:

30 minutes??? Ok, that's just lazy. Unless you were busing it at the time.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

SARAHMCD said:


> That's what I'm guessing he's thinking too. And hey, I'm worth the drive :wink2:
> 
> 30 minutes??? Ok, that's just lazy. Unless you were busing it at the time.


LOL. Very lazy. 

TBH, wasn't that into her, I guess.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Nope, I've never done that. But I wouldn't think it's all that uncommon for either women or men. After all, one night stands usually involve both sexes, and those don't seem to be rare.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> Ladies of TAM, have you ever went from "hi, my name is _____" to "bang me harder" within a short period of time?


Yup, that's happened for me more than once. Exact numbers are hard to remember. It's been 15 years since I was free to do things like that. Life's so different now!



WorkingOnMe said:


> Let's be clear here, if they were banging her within 2 hours of meeting, these were not "top-shelf men".






Faithful Wife said:


> Assuming they weren't married or exclusive with someone, why wouldn't they be top shelf just because of this?


Yes, please explain. As long as no one involved was married or under legal age, why would a random hook up mean these men aren't quality men?



marduk said:


> If you're going for casual sex it's either gonna happen or it's not gonna happen. Best be direct with it if that's what you're looking for.
> 
> LTRs I approached differently.


You and my DH break my brain.

So, I've never had a problem with casual sex. I see no reason why a dear friend can't be a sex buddy or why a random hook up on short acquaintance can't turn into a dear friend or even the love of your life. 

My DH also had no problem with casual sex. He'd been with his share of women, he'd had group sex, been in an open relationship, etc.

When we had our first date we ended up making out for quite a while at the club. It was really intense. We go back to his friends house and hang with that group for a bit. They all started dropping off into slumber, leaving me and Mr MJ all alone behind a closed door with a big bed. We are really into each other, all kinda hot and bothered, we get down to our underwear....and he puts the brakes on. :surprise:

For the next while, we continued making out, but Mr MJ made clear my panties and his boxers were to stay ON. As you can imagine, I was quite put out. I'd never been blue ovaried before...ever.

When I asked him the following week why he didn't let us progress to sex, he said it was because he didn't want it to be a one time thing. That he wanted me for longer than that and he had a feeling that if we'd done the deed that night it would be just another ONS for me and I'd just disappear.

Of course, that's rubbish! It wouldn't have made any difference to me whatsoever. Cept those blue ovaries taking a while to calm down and return control to the thinking portions of my brain. :|

Classic example of treating a potential LTR differently than a casual hook up. Makes no sense to me. I mean, when I am with a casual partner or a LTP, I try to be myself, be courteous and kind, be fun and have fun. Either myself and the potential have chemistry and are compatible or we aren't. When we have the sex doesn't seem to change the outcome at all. Beginning of the acquaintance or weeks later, only difference is my level of physical frustration.

Gah! Soooo happy to be married. All that "should we?/shouldn't we?" stuff is so far in my rear view mirror I can't even see it anymore. If I were to ever end up single again, I think I'll just be the crazy dog lady rather than play the dating-mating game again.





SARAHMCD said:


> Let me pose this question, along the same lines, to the men:
> 
> If you've met online, emailed/texted for 2 weeks prior to meeting and even progressed to sexting, BUT she let you know several times she was looking for LTR and not a hook-up (you agreed), what would you be expecting on a first date? Add to it, you are a distance apart (2.5 hours) and you are making the drive.


DH once met a woman online and was invited to her place for sex. Plain invitation, no ambiguity. And DH was a desperately horny college guy at the time. He declined because she was a 4 hour drive. He figured it would be very awkward and a huge waste of time to drive all that way only to find out they have no chemistry and he doesn't want to bang her. 

How did Mr Smooth handle it? He went and bought booze. He then returned to his room, drank the booze as fast as he could, and when she asked if he was going to come see her or not he told her he was too drunk to drive. He didn't want to tell her the truth and he didn't want to lie, so...

If your guy is willing to make that drive he must be at least interested and somewhat confident that you'll have some kind of spark when you meet in person.

As to the sex portion of the question...OF COURSE he's hoping for sex. Saying you're looking for a LTR is saying that you want a man in your life and to have a relationship with said man that presumably includes sex. Which means you are open to the possibility of sex at some point. He's hoping that point will come sooner rather than later.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Let me be clear what I mean by approaching LTRs differently. 

I actually advocate having sex quite early - in the first few dates if there an attraction there obviously. To actually see if you're sexually compatible. But the goal is to see if you're compatible, because you want a relationship. I would be seeking to know her. 

If it's a hookup seeking for compatibility or knowing anything about them is irrelevant - only the attraction is. And when it's over, it's big-bye. I wouldn't be seeking to know anything about her, except physically.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Let's be clear here, if they were banging her within 2 hours of meeting, these were not "top-shelf men".





Faithful Wife said:


> Assuming they weren't married or exclusive with someone, why wouldn't they be top shelf just because of this?


I have nothing of substance to add to this thread. I'd just like to reach out to Working on me to say that the confusion brought out by your comment is caused by the fact that although we live on the same planet, we may live in very different worlds.
MN


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Wife and I got physical several hours after meeting (no PIV, but got naked and fooled around). Spent the night at her place, obviously. 

Looking back on it, I regret it, but that's another story.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

marduk said:


> Let me be clear what I mean by approaching LTRs differently.
> 
> I actually advocate having sex quite early - in the first few dates if there an attraction there obviously. To actually see if you're sexually compatible. But the goal is to see if you're compatible, because you want a relationship. I would be seeking to know her.
> 
> ...


See, for me, the beginning is pass/fail. Either the man was attractive to me and had a likable enough personality or he didn't. This likableness would be determined during the period of time between meeting and having sex.

Getting past the new relationship good behavior and impeccable manners phase to find out if there is compatibility takes a good bit of time.

So, when I was dating, I treated everyone the same as far as personal interest for a while.

Maybe you just decide faster than I.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MJJEAN said:


> See, for me, the beginning is pass/fail. Either the man was attractive to me and had a likable enough personality or he didn't.
> 
> Getting past the new relationship good behavior and impeccable manners phase to find out if there is compatibility takes a good bit of time.
> 
> ...


Mmm.... let me think about it.

OK. There have been women that I'm sexually attracted to but totally otherwise disinterested in. Vacant, or boring, or annoying. One listened to Ricky Martin too much. One wore too much make-up. Another had horribly conservative political views. Whatever the reason was, I was totally disinterested in a second date with (or even a first one) but I still wanted to have sex with.

And then there was women who after I had sex with, I knew I'd never want to have sex with again. Boring, or weren't attractive naked (OK I'm shallow), or whatever. But these women I might have been open to an LTR with UNTIL I had sex with them.

Then there's the women that just blew my mind. Hot, smart, and typically with a '**** you' attitude. Like my wife. I went after her with LTR intentions from the beginning. Which is not to say I didn't try to get her naked, but I sure tried to remember her name and phone number.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I'm a guy but maybe my datapoint is valuable anyway.
I'm not sure it was within two hours, but I have had sex on the first date a couple of times.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

marduk said:


> Mmm.... let me think about it.
> 
> OK. There have been women that I'm sexually attracted to but totally otherwise disinterested in.
> 
> ...


About the third time we saw each other at the club where we met DH made an excuse to offer his number. When I agreed to take his number and give him a call, he snagged paper and pen out of nowhere. He not only gave me his home number, but his work number AND his work schedule. 

That was the only time I've ever been able to read his handwriting.

*This all happened before cell phones were a thing. At the time, cells were super expensive to buy and in terms of monthly bill, so not everybody had one. I think cells got affordable about 1.5 - 2 years after we met.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I've never done it but I have a widowed friend that has. Actually two widowed friends. If she's horny enough she works pretty fast. I've seen it myself.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> In her situations, she was recently single and was feeling abandoned. And many of the men who hit on her were actors. *Thank god Bill Cosby wasn't one of them!*


Swear to God... I almost just spit ice all over my laptop.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Hmmm, not something I would do but different strokes for different folks (no pun intended) 

Unless it was Shemar Moore, then I'd make an exception!! Hahahahaha!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

When I was 20 I was propositioned by a cougar. I didn't take her up on it... but if I had I'm sure it would have been well under two hours.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yeah my friends who a cougars have done some (IMO) very odd things. I just can't imagine going for someone younger than my kids, or even 10 years younger than me. Not even for a ONS. But I've seen female friends do it many times, and have known of men doing the same. To me it is yucky. To them, a special kind of yummy cub treat. Hearing female friends talk about it I'm like.......EW. No. Stop. I have kids. You're killing me.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

I could tell you some stories about what certain women can, AND WILL, do. It isn't meant to denigrate women because us men are capable of just as much, if not more so, but I can assure you...If a woman wants you...She'll let you know in no uncertain terms.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

marduk said:


> Let me be clear what I mean by approaching LTRs differently.
> 
> I actually advocate having sex quite early - in the first few dates if there an attraction there obviously. To actually see if you're sexually compatible. But the goal is to see if you're compatible, because you want a relationship. I would be seeking to know her.
> 
> ...


I can understand this way of thinking. I've known many guys that share this view.

Personally for me, the initial attraction is not purely physical. It is actually mental. I need to connect intellectually. I also need to know that the sex is good, however I decided a boundary of mine after divorce was to not sleep with any man until I felt that I knew him well enough. I wanted time to appreciate his mind, because if there was no connection intellectually, or the connection was weak, good sex wouldn't have made a bit of difference for me. It's monumentally important for me to know how his personality handles certain stresses and decisions in life. Having sex with a man that I have found to become unstable under pressure, will ensure he was the wrong one for me and I have just injured my ability to pair bond with a man more compatible. I owe it to myself and what I want to not behave in a way that I would consider to be irrational. By the way, I do not criticize other people for choosing differently, I would only judge *myself*.

I am very aware of the way biology works, and my personal method actually fought against it many times when I was dating. Thanks to TAM, lots of time reading many of the recommended books here, and experience, combined this was enough to know that biology (my lizard brain) has its own imperative and it might not always align with my human brain. I had to decide which was going to result in the best outcome for what I desired and let that guide my decision-making.

It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's a conscious choice that I have made for myself. I believe that based on the connection I share with my SO (both intellectually and sexually) it has served me very well in obtaining precisely that which I have always desired.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Satya said:


> I can understand this way of thinking. I've known many guys that share this view.
> 
> Personally for me, the initial attraction is not purely physical. It is actually mental. I need to connect intellectually. I also need to know that the sex is good, however I decided a boundary of mine after divorce was to not sleep with any man until I felt that I knew him well enough. I wanted time to appreciate his mind, because if there was no connection intellectually, or the connection was weak, good sex wouldn't have made a bit of difference for me. It's monumentally important for me to know how his personality handles certain stresses and decisions in life. Having sex with a man that I have found to become unstable under pressure, will ensure he was the wrong one for me and I have just injured my ability to pair bond with a man more compatible. I owe it to myself and what I want to not behave in a way that I would consider to be irrational. By the way, I do not criticize other people for choosing differently, I would only judge *myself*.
> 
> ...


*Much like @Satya, if there's no compatible "intellectual spark" present, then we're not really going to hit it off! 

And it takes far more than two hours to see if that spark is present before we jointly know if we want to see each  sans  clothing!

I just move a tad slow in that department! But it has served me quite well!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Faithful Wife said:


> Assuming they weren't married or exclusive with someone, why wouldn't they be top shelf just because of this?


I'll bite...

What I took his comment to mean is the type of guy who literally goes "Hi, I'm ____, and I'd really like to get in your pants." In which case, no, that's not really a top shelf guy, or marriage material (for her, anyway).

However, meeting someone innocently, and then realizing 30, 60, 90 minutes later that there's intense chemistry and letting nature take its course - sure.

Basically, if I see some hot woman across the room and I bee-line it over there and tell her straight up I'd like to have sex with her right now, I'm not exactly presenting myself as future husband material, IMO.

I dunno, we all have our different perspectives on this, but I think the fine line is what is playing in our heads at that exact moment. Is that somebody I'd like to get to know, or is that somebody I only want to have sex with? Am I in this club with my buddies trying to get laid, or am I just here to have a good time?

I'm under the impression that ONS's (at least the kind that one, or both parties are looking for) do not generally result in relationships afterwards. ONS's that just kind of happen when you're not working for it? That can be a different story. It's not how quick one sleeps with somebody that really matters, in other words. It's how it got to that point in the first place that does. Just my opinion.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

marduk said:


> I'm a dude, but I once had sex with a woman within 5 minutes of meeting her. Casual sex or hookups was usually within an hour or two if it was going to happen.
> 
> My one threesome was about an hour and a half of meeting the two of them.
> 
> ...


I kinda had sex with someone that I never even met.:surprise:

College, sat down on a couch next to a girl I did not know with a bunch of people in the room watching tv. It was cold so I put a blanket on my legs. She starts rubbing her foot against my crotch. What's man to do? Pull it out, foot job, finish, leave room. Not a word was spoken, never seen her since. No name, did not even look in my direction, watched tv the whole time, nothing but foot.
Strange, but enjoyable :grin2:


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Satya said:


> I can understand this way of thinking. I've known many guys that share this view.
> 
> Personally for me, the initial attraction is not purely physical. It is actually mental. I need to connect intellectually. I also need to know that the sex is good, however I decided a boundary of mine after divorce was to not sleep with any man until I felt that I knew him well enough. I wanted time to appreciate his mind, because if there was no connection intellectually, or the connection was weak, good sex wouldn't have made a bit of difference for me. It's monumentally important for me to know how his personality handles certain stresses and decisions in life. Having sex with a man that I have found to become unstable under pressure, will ensure he was the wrong one for me and I have just injured my ability to pair bond with a man more compatible. I owe it to myself and what I want to not behave in a way that I would consider to be irrational. By the way, I do not criticize other people for choosing differently, I would only judge *myself*.
> 
> ...


Hey, I'm a naturally monogamous guy, I get it. I've been so, happily, for a long time. 

I'm talking about primarily my two major 'dating' phases: up through high school and university until I met wife #1. And then when I split from wife #1 and before I met wife #2.

But even with both wives, there are times when it is purely physical, or purely emotional, and times when it is both. Or neither, you know?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

alexm said:


> I'll bite...
> 
> What I took his comment to mean is the type of guy who literally goes "Hi, I'm ____, and I'd really like to get in your pants." In which case, no, that's not really a top shelf guy, or marriage material (for her, anyway).
> 
> ...


I've been that guy. As in "Hi, you're hot. Can I take you somewhere?"

And there was times that that worked. But I later found women I wanted to be in LTRs with, and I don't think I've been a douche with them. At least I've never cheated on anyone or anything. I'm top shelf.

People go through phases, you know? And are different with different people.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

alexm said:


> What I took his comment to mean is the type of guy who literally goes *"Hi, I'm ____, and I'd really like to get in your pants." In which case, no, that's not really a top shelf guy, or marriage material (for her, anyway)*.
> 
> However, meeting someone innocently, and then realizing 30, 60, 90 minutes later that there's intense chemistry and letting nature take its course - sure.
> 
> ...


Hmmm...interesting you framed it this way in your mind.

The bolded parts, I mean.

I don't assume a guy just crudely says "nice to meet you, let's bang" in the scenario presented. These transactions can occur with quite savvy conversations leading up to them. Do you think the only men who would do this are complete buffoons?

I also don't see why he should be expected at all to be "presenting himself as future husband material". Is that the only thing you think makes a man a decent man, whether he is husband material or not?

And I also don't think a man in this type of scenario necessarily means he is "in this with his buddies just trying to get laid". OTOH, I don't think a man is a bad man if he "just" wants sex with this person at this time.

I'm kind of surprised here, really. It sounds like you feel sex should only be connected to love or relationships and that if it isn't, then the participants are not good people. To me, that's just being judgmental of people, and straw people at that.

Sometimes meeting and having sex and then going along your way is a quite delightful experience for two people who will never forget it. It isn't always some sleazy, clandestine transaction between low quality people. And I'm saying this as someone who has never done it.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

may be its a career thing. heard bad stories from male and female model friends about sex for promotions? i don't which is worse women being asked or men being asked by other men.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Hmmm...interesting you framed it this way in your mind.
> 
> The bolded parts, I mean.
> 
> ...



I try my best not to judge, but it happens. My default mindset is a lot like Alex's in this regard. Sex with someone you barely know just seems....icky....to me.

Hell, I think getting a professional massage is gross. The though of a stranger touching me for pretty much any reason gives me chills.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

I guess I can be counted in the "not good people" crowd. I met this guy a couple times through friends, but didn't really "know" him. When I met him those couple of times - there was an immediate attraction. I thought he was the best looking man I'd ever seen! We were both dating other people when we met. Both of us broke up with the people we were dating. We ran into each other one night and he asked me if I wanted to go for a drive. The next thing I know, we had absolutely mind blowing sex. We haven't been apart since that night. We dated for 2 years and have been married for 38 years, so I guess in this instance, it worked out. LOL!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I try my best not to judge, but it happens. My default mindset is a lot like Alex's in this regard. Sex with someone you barely know just seems....icky....to me.
> 
> Hell, I think getting a professional massage is gross. The though of a stranger touching me for pretty much any reason gives me chills.


But isn't there a way to feel this is icky for yourself, without judging others by the same criteria and proclaiming them icky?

Also...I hesitate to point this out because I like you and Alex both...but the idea that "good men" don't do things like this is totally a Nice Guy trait. You see yourselves as "better" than men who would do this kind of thing. That's what NG's do, they want to be seen as different than other men, but also "better".

And then you cast a judgmental eye upon guys you deem beneath you. This is the NG syndrome in a nutshell. Meanwhile, plenty of women don't see those other guys as beneath you, they see them as sexual beings and sometimes they want to be sexual with them.

Here's the thing...someone wanting to have sex with me isn't an insult to me. It doesn't make him a bad person. It also doesn't make him a good person, it literally says nothing about him at all. So I can easily say "yeah no thanks, I'd never do that" without also feeling "what a creep!"

The desire to have sex with each other is natural. Some of us won't act on it but some will. Those who don't aren't better people than those who do.

The main reason I would never do this is because I would not be guaranteed mind blowing sex, and I have really REALLY high standards. If I don't have time to vet someone and make sure they've got something I want, then meh. No thanks. But if I was able to know somehow that it would always be good and there were be no way to transmit STI's, then I would have done this a lot when I was single.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

If I were unattached and the woman attractive, I must admit I'd do it.

How I would interpret it would be different. Normally when a woman has sex with me I'd like to think that it was because there was something special about me. In this case, I wouldn't think that.

If it happened all the time, I'd be a lot pickier or not do it.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> *But isn't there a way to feel this is icky for yourself, without judging others by the same criteria and proclaiming them icky?*
> 
> Also...I hesitate to point this out because I like you and Alex both...but the idea that "good men" don't do things like this is totally a Nice Guy trait. You see yourselves as "better" than men who would do this kind of thing. That's what NG's do, they want to be seen as different than other men, but also "better".
> 
> ...



To the bolded, certainly that's possible to do, and I try to do that. I'm only speaking on a gut-reaction level, which is why I said that it's my default mind-set. It's just the way I'm wired.

When I think about scenarios like this, I can only use my own frame of reference, and for me that scenario plays out like a horror show in my head. I did not say that "good men" don't do things like this. I was agreeing with Alex that I think the mindset behind it does play into it though. Two people have that kind of chemistry in 2 hours that pants start flying off? Good on em. I've never experienced the kind of chemistry that made me want to throw down in a broom closet with a stranger. 

But like Alex also said, when the scenario was presented, it didn't spark in my mind that way. Truth be told, I thought OP was saying that his wife had done this while they were still married.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> My DH also had no problem with casual sex. He'd been with his share of women, he'd had group sex, been in an open relationship, etc.
> 
> When we had our first date we ended up making out for quite a while at the club. It was really intense. We go back to his friends house and hang with that group for a bit. They all started dropping off into slumber, leaving me and Mr MJ all alone behind a closed door with a big bed. We are really into each other, all kinda hot and bothered, we get down to our underwear....and he puts the brakes on. :surprise:
> 
> ...


The idea that "I liked you too much to have sex with you right away" is a problem for me. In my mind, I think that you should want sex MORE with people that you actually like. I know that's not the way it always works and I could live with having sex at the same point either way, but I couldn't deal with delaying sex with me because I'm "special". If I found out this had happened, it would be a problem for me.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> When I think about scenarios like this, I can only use my own frame of reference, and for me that scenario plays out like a horror show in my head.


Ok just for fun (honestly), will you describe the horror story for us? I'm fascinated to see what happens....


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Simply being naked in front of someone whom I haven't known long enough to trust is a horror for me. It's a trust issue, really. I have a deficit of it in a lot of social situations. Likely stems from my own insecurities, but there it is nonetheless.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Aw man...I thought you were going to tell us a gory story where she ends up cutting you into pieces and dropping them in the river. 

Honest question: if you felt you were physically gorgeous and if you didn't have trust issues, do you think you would feel differently about casual sex?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Aw man...I thought you were going to tell us a gory story where she ends up cutting you into pieces and dropping them in the river.
> 
> Honest question: if you felt you were physically gorgeous and if you didn't have trust issues, do you think you would feel differently about casual sex?


Possibly. I really don't know. This is just the way I've always been. What you're describing is a different person than who I am.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Background: in the stories related by my fWW, all the men were admittedly married or engaged. Perhaps that is why she either went along with or suggested a quick tryst: she knew it would be temporary and she wouldn't have to worry about them bugging her for more, unless she approved.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Aside from my own personal beliefs on sex, the thought of a) getting an STD and/or b) knocking someone up, with both scenarios coming from someone I just met and may have zero interest to have them in my life, has been more then enough for me to back away from this scenario. Granted at this point in my life I am married and b) "should" be impossible ...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Possibly. I really don't know. This is just the way I've always been. What you're describing is a different person than who I am.


I hear ya. I would hope you can at least not judge other people for being who they are, though, and realize that their different experiences put them in a different place to where they are not bad people just because they may engage in casual sex at times.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Buddy400 said:


> The idea that "I liked you too much to have sex with you right away" is a problem for me. In my mind, I think that you should want sex MORE with people that you actually like. I know that's not the way it always works and I could live with having sex at the same point either way, but I couldn't deal with delaying sex with me because I'm "special". If I found out this had happened, it would be a problem for me.


I know! And it was a problem for me. Nothing like that had ever happened before and it both puzzled me and bruised my ego a bit.

Later, we had a serious conversation about it and he said that he knew he could get random sex on short notice. Hen his ex GF, and her GF were having a kind of off and on FWB thing and he'd picked up a couple women at clubs recently. But he said he didn't "feel anything" with them and he "felt something" with me.

Since he "felt something" in addition to the physical draw, and this was a rare and precious thing to him, he decided he needed a strategy to distinguish himself in my mind, to keep me interested, so he could have a shot at a LTR rather than just being another guy I hooked up with and forgot about.

Apparently, men can play hard to get, too.

Thing is, I'd have been interested in a LTR with him if we'd had sex that first date. I was really into him from them moment I laid eyes on him. He didn't need to play hard to get. I was already hooked.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> Background: in the stories related by my fWW, *all the men were admittedly married or engaged.* Perhaps that is why she either went along with or suggested a quick tryst: she knew it would be temporary and she wouldn't have to worry about them bugging her for more, unless she approved.





EllisRedding said:


> Aside from my own personal beliefs on sex, the thought of *a) getting an STD and/or b) knocking someone up, with both scenarios coming from someone I just met and may have zero interest to have them in my life, has been more then enough for me to back away from this scenario. *Granted at this point in my life I am married and b) "should" be impossible ...


Some married or engaged men really are stupid. They rarely consider that a ONS may show up on child support documents sometime about 9 months in the future.

My exH had a ONS with some woman he met at a party in another county. Gave her only his middle name. Took off not long after the sex was over and thought he'd never hear from her again.

WRONG!

A year later, he gets papers in the mail saying he has to submit to a DNA test or he'll be declared father by default. Turns out, this woman slept with a few other guys that same month. One of them was a friend of a friend of my ex. When she turned up pregnant, the guys were only too happy to fill her in on my ex's real name and address.

7 dudes total were DNA tested on the same day. Ex won the sperm lottery and was named father with a 98% certainty. Ended up never actually paying his child support and only saw the kid a handful of times in his life. Last I heard, ex owed $120,000 in back child support for that kid.

DH says that STD's and pregnancy are the "hard safeties". Even if his emotional love were to fail, even if his personal commitment and honor were to fail, he'd still have the fear of STD and/or child support and dealing with some random woman forever to keep him in line.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> Some married or engaged men really are stupid. They rarely consider that a ONS may show up on child support documents sometime about 9 months in the future.
> 
> My exH had a ONS with some woman he met at a party in another county. Gave her only his middle name. Took off not long after the sex was over and thought he'd never hear from her again.
> 
> ...


Wow, talk about a lottery you don't want to win lol.


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## Tulanian (Feb 23, 2013)

karole said:


> We ran into each other one night and he asked me if I wanted to go for a drive. The next thing I know, we had absolutely mind blowing sex. We haven't been apart since that night. We dated for 2 years and have been married for 38 years, so I guess in this instance, it worked out. LOL!


OMG, people were having mind-blowing premarital sex 40 years ago? I thought MY generation invented that!:grin2:


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## Tulanian (Feb 23, 2013)

As for the OP's question, I've only had that happen once. It was a woman I met through OKC, picked her up downtown for a date, wound up going back to her place, things progressed. It was fun, I didn't feel bad about it, but nothing amazing. After it was all said and done, and she was falling asleep next to me, she said something like "You belong with me." This after knowing me for three hours in person. I left, because I didn't have my breathing machine and because a statement like that, so soon, freaked me out a bit (I knew she'd been married and divorced twice). 

Kept in touch with her sporadically, never saw her again in person. Every time I was about to, I thought better of it. Especially once she told me she was into swinging.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> Aw man...I thought you were going to tell us a gory story where she ends up cutting you into pieces and dropping them in the river.
> 
> Honest question: if you felt you were physically gorgeous and if you didn't have trust issues, do you think you would feel differently about casual sex?


I actually had a massive hang up regarding sex for about a year in high school.

The first girl I had sex with was older, and a fantastic sexual teacher. She was great, and taught me a great many things.

And I used those great many things on a few girls, and one of which threatened suicide after I broke up with her. She never actually attempted it, but that really freaked me out for a while.

And then she did some totally BSC crazy things like breaking into my locker to steal my football jacket (I still want it back, *****) and I woke up next to her one morning when I passed out at a buddy's house after a house party -- and she wasn't there when I passed out. Stuff like that made me realize she was just crazy. But it actually took some time before I was able to actually date another girl without being worried that I was some kind of monster that was going to screw her up for life, or I was going to have to marry her.

Lucky for me, another experienced girl came along, and screwed my head back on straight about that.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I just like making out and mashing a lot, so I've met a few people and ended up in a heavy make out session without knowing them long. I just told them up front hey, I'm open to making out, you wanna? But also told them that's as far as I want to go. The people who I proposed this to were more than happy to just make out with me without trying to go further. It was fun, and didn't seem like either of us had blue genitals at all. We were just really amped up and happy afterwards. No pregnancy, no sti's, no hard feelings. And no way it could end up being bad sex. Heck, no clothes even came off! Still, way lots of fun.

If I had less hang ups of my own back then, I'm sure I would have had casual sex...but I just was too afraid of the bad sex. That's my own hang up. Also I'm not too fond of getting naked in front of a stranger, either. I don't mind after there's been some trust and intimacy built up. And when I'm totally comfortable I enjoy sharing my body completely with a person. But a stranger? No, it doesn't feel comfortable.

Yet I have felt myself wish for the full out freedom from having the ability to just do what felt natural without stopping it. Envy for my friends who have been able to do this. Still, no regrets and also no shame about my hang ups. They are long gone now that I'm married and happy.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Faithful Wife said:


> Also...I hesitate to point this out because I like you and Alex both...but the idea that "good men" don't do things like this is totally a Nice Guy trait. You see yourselves as "better" than men who would do this kind of thing. That's what NG's do, they want to be seen as different than other men, but also "better".
> 
> And then you cast a judgmental eye upon guys you deem beneath you. This is the NG syndrome in a nutshell. Meanwhile, plenty of women don't see those other guys as beneath you, they see them as sexual beings and sometimes they want to be sexual with them.


Hold on, I never said good men (tm) didn't do this. God knows, I've TRIED to do that (but I guess I didn't have any game...), and I think I'm a pretty decent guy.

I meant in the context in which whomever said it did, not as a generality.

That said... I'm with Fozzie on this, more or less. Let's flip the genders: a woman I've never met before introduces herself, and says she wants to sleep with me. Honestly, I probably would, because holy s***, no effort required! But, first impressions and all that... (yeah yeah, don't judge a book, etc.) Am I going to think she's a ho? Honestly again, probably not. But if I saw her 5 minutes ago doing the same thing to some other dude, then yeah.

And there's your typical Saturday night out for the 20-something crowd, especially with guys. They'll make the rounds, until they score. They call it "getting lucky" for a reason. Now those, at that moment in time, anyway, are not "top shelf men", IMO.

And frankly, if I were single and I saw somebody I was really attracted to, then I'd be 1000x more likely to introduce myself and see how that goes. I'd rather sleep with a woman I find attractive more than once, thank you 

Now, I just want to point out that I actually have no issue with casual sex or ONS's. I've had a few casual experiences in my life, including with a girl I had just met that evening, but I've never done the bar thing, or gone out expressly to get laid. It's never been my thing. There's no judgement for me in any way, shape or form.

Speaking bluntly here, I was with my ex wife from the age of 18 until my early 30's. And with my current wife about 5 or 6 months later until now. I certainly didn't plan on being a serial monogamist, it just kind of happened. While I have no regrets (well, the ex wife maybe...!) and I don't feel like I missed out on anything, I'm also completely aware that if I didn't go that route, I'd likely have been a candidate for "Man ***** of the Year" for 10 years running. I like sex, and I like women, and I like having sex with women. Circumstances (and choices) just prevented me from experiencing it the way many others do, and how I almost certainly would have.

But honestly, I STILL don't think I'd be "that guy", going to the clubs solely to get laid.

Like you, FW, the ONS isn't all that appealing to me, because of exactly what you said - you have no idea whether it'll be good or not, or generally worth it. I slept with a girl one time, when I was 16 or 17, and we already knew each other. It was unspoken that this was just a casual, one-time thing. And it was awful. Seriously, worst sex I've ever had. The next time I had a one-time thing (no sex, just fooling round), the girl had no idea what she was doing, and there was no chemistry. I had met her like 2 hours before.

So my meagre experience with casual sex put me right off of it. Had I been single throughout my 20's, I would have been the guy who had 20 girlfriends in 10 years but no casual sex. I think I'd just rather have an actual connection with somebody I sleep with, even if it doesn't last long.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok Alex, I think I get what you are saying. I also re-read your previous post.

I think you and Fozzy both know that I'm not saying people *should* be out racking up ONS's. I'm just saying that it does happen between two good people, a lot actually. I just don't think we should judge what others do, other than to judge if we want to be with that person. Otherwise, it doesn't seem fair to conclude anyone is a good or bad person based on whether they would do this or not. But again, in reading your posts, I know you aren't actually saying they are bad people.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> Ladies of TAM, have you ever went from "hi, my name is _____" to "bang me harder" within a short period of time? This exact situation happened at least 3 times with my fWW in her adult life and I wondered how rare this type of occurrence happens.


Yes. That said, I was merely looking for some tawdry sex, not a relationship. :grin2:


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

alexm said:


> Hold on, I never said good men (tm) didn't do this. God knows, I've TRIED to do that (but I guess I didn't have any game...), and I think I'm a pretty decent guy.
> 
> I meant in the context in which whomever said it did, not as a generality.
> 
> That said... I'm with Fozzie on this, more or less. Let's flip the genders: a woman I've never met before introduces herself, and says she wants to sleep with me. Honestly, I probably would, because holy s***, no effort required! But, first impressions and all that... (yeah yeah, don't judge a book, etc.) Am I going to think she's a ho? Honestly again, probably not. But if I saw her 5 minutes ago doing the same thing to some other dude, then yeah.


Motives and behaviours make a big difference, IMHO. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to get laid, most of us want that at some point or another. What matters is how we treat others.

And there are lots of usurious, manipulative people (both genders) who don't really care about anyone but themselves, they will lie about their relationship status, themselves, their STD status, and all kinds of things just to get what they want. 

These people are clearly not top shelf, and I think it is often these sorts of people we are thinking of when we talk about "players" and casual sex.

Not all casual sex situations are like that -- not by a long shot. Some of it is honest chemistry, and people are up front about what they are doing, and why -treating the other with integrity. Nothing wrong with that, IMHO. It's all the lies, deceit, pretending to be what you are not, that knocks a person off that top shelf. And would do so, whether they are having casual sex or not.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Curiously, with my fWW experiences, 2 of the 3 situations of "quick connections" had follow-up meetings. 1 was "strictly bootycalls"on 5-6 occasions over a couple of months, the other had a single follow-up a few weeks later.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> The main reason I would never do this is because I would not be guaranteed mind blowing sex, and I have really REALLY high standards. If I don't have time to vet someone and make sure they've got something I want, then meh. No thanks. But if I was able to know somehow that it would always be good and there were be no way to transmit STI's, then I would have done this a lot when I was single.


Those two reasons are exactly why it wouldn't be desirable for me. Good sex has to include oral for me. It takes away too much fun to not do it. The idea of going down on a casual encounter is beyond yuk. 

By the time I was a teenager, HPV was known. There wasn't a lot of understanding, but it was known to be linked to cancer. I'm HPV free and HSV free and I'd like to keep it that way.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I have hooked up within two hours of meeting someone. It was never planned, and it also went down pretty much the same way every time. I certainly don't think I have a lot of "game" or anything like that. Each time it happened it was as if the woman had pretty much made up her mind how things were going to go down before she even approached me. All I had to do was just go with it. 

I'm not sure if this is relevant but all of them were in their mid thirties to early forties, and they were all really sexually confident too. I guess you don't do something like this if you aren't.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Yesterday, I saw a woman and I started talking to her like I had known her years as I felt immediate chemistry and openness towards her. We spent the next fifteen hours together. I do not think less of her for it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

In response to the initial question, yes, I have, on more than one occasion. But I met all of them online first (OLD), and spent at least a week talking to each online or texting before meeting in person, so I don't know if that really counts? 

The one guy... well, I didn't think we had chemistry, but he was willing and I was in a bit of a dry spell, so I did it, all the while with the intention of NOT seeing him again. (Unfortunately, he did NOT get the hint, despite me spelling it out for him. He kept messaging me, etc, despite the fact that I point-blank told him I didn't want to see him again. I had to block him on multiple platforms.)

The other times, it's been because 1) I genuinely like the guy, and 2) we have amazing chemistry... and I always end up dating the guy, for at least a while. And they've all been really decent, good guys. 

So either I'm really good in bed, or it's true that a guy won't judge you for having sex on the first date.

Funny thing? The guys who wanted to wait, because I was "special"? They're the ones who turned out to be the cretins and d-bags.

The guys that I chose to wait to sleep with, who weren't making me wait? Turns out I wasn't really into them anyway.

My friend told me a stat she learned in one of her psych classes. Apparently, 33% of married couples slept together on the first date. So, I figure this: if we're compatible, if we're a good match, he's not going to say, well, I can't marry her because she put out on the first date. And, if I get married again, I want to be that couple that, when we're in our 80s, says, "we couldn't keep our hands off each other since the first night we met, and we're still knocking boots every night."


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> So either I'm really good in bed, or it's true that a guy won't judge you for having sex on the first date.


Any guy who judges a woman for having sex with him on their first date is a complete and utter hypocrite. Unfortunately, they do exist.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Any guy who judges a woman for having sex with him on their first date is a complete and utter hypocrite. Unfortunately, they do exist.


Then I must be a good judge of character, or I've been lucky and haven't slept with one yet


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> Then I must be a good judge of character, or I've been lucky and haven't slept with one yet


I've run into a couple. Which is fine, I guess, since I wasn't worried about character. I was more into the idea of "Wow! That was great! Safe trip home, hun!"


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## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

Most people in their life, Men and Women have had quick sexual encounters. Sex is a natural act, let's face it.

We are all happier people when we are sexually active. Abstinence and Celibacy are not natural. However if someone is truly happy ( a good Priest or Nun or Monk, etc.) then who are we to judge them.

I have had a few quick sexual encounters that never led to anything. It wasn't the best sex but average sex is better than no sex.

I have had met women at bars that didn't want to have sex but wanted to go down on me which I found odd since I love going down on a woman.

But living a life like Charlie Sheen disgusts me as well, everything in moderation but I set up a friend of mine with a friend of my wife's once and he told me she wanted it up the butt the first night. It is hard to take her seriously whenever I see her since I picture her loving it up the butt!


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

It's never happened with me that fast, or even an opportunity. Of course, I wasn't looking for it or pushing for it either!


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Not sure of the "exact" timeframe, but on a first date...YES! I told myself..."I like this guy....don't give it up...don't give it up..." I'm weak! Well.....I'm glad I did! My first on top experience and my first PIV orgasm! I was sad when he moved away...lol.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I had a few experiences just after high school where we went from talking at a fire, or party or something, to sex in a bedroom or car, etc. But it was always with people I had known for a while, but never dated. 

Only once can I remember it happening with someone I didn't know. I was a long time ago 32 years ago, so it isn't totally clear in my memory. I was at a dance and I met this girl for just a couple of minutes. She was with some people I knew. Didn't talk to her again until the end of the night. My buddy and I were walking out to his car. She came running up asking if we could give her a ride. Once she got in the car, she started cuddling up to me. A couple of minutes later, my buddy asked her where we were dropping her off at and I said at my house. She just smiled at me.


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