# Husband just told me he wants out



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

He's had enough and does not want to continue to work on our marriage. He said he still loves me but has lost the will to keep going. He's done.

I am devastated. We have a 8 yo child. I have no support here, I am from another country. We have no relationship with his family (long story).

We've had issues for a long time but recently I poured out my heart and soul to him telling him how I feel, admitting my part in the breakdown or our marriage and also we started getting counselling.

I still love him deeply. I told him I am willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage and he still said "its hopeless". We have nothing in common, etc.

I have been a stay at home mom for 8 yrs. I have no money, no support, nowhere to go.

Even with those factors, the real reason I want to make it work is I love him more than anything and can't imagine him not in my life. I am crushed by this.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

You sound like my own story...I'm sorry you're going through this, it's very hard especially in your situation where you are from another country. I can totally empathize with you. If your husband said that he is through, at this particular moment he is. It hurts like hell but your biggest goal now is to find a way to live on your own. In the 8 years that you are in this country, you must have built some relationship such as friends or church, lean on them for a while.
I have done the same thing you did, told my husband I loved him, owned my part in the demise of our marriage, giving him all the power to fix or break our marriage. In the end, I realize I'm just feeding his arrogance and enabling his belief that I am the sole responsible for the undoing of our marriage, when that's bull. Two people are in a marriage and two people are responsible for making or breaking it.
If he wants separation, make sure you get what you can in order to be ok financially, he will need to pay child support and maybe alimony, that will tide you for a while until you have pulled yourself together and is able to devise a plan for you and your child's future.
I promise, it hurts like heck right now, but once you go through the stages of grief, let yourself grief and mourn, cuss and be angry, and then be done with it, it will get better eventually.
It's normal to feel what you feel, we've all been through it.
If you feel like you have done everything you possibly can in order to save your marriage, you will be able to walk away eventually knowing that you will have no regrets in the future.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

You have to start searching on the internet what helps is there for you specially, as you have a child with you in the country were you are now.
When my X decided to leave me and my child, i have no idea on what to do and who to go even though, i have frens around here but don't have a family i myself from another country too.I still have make the right choices for the sake of my child,as my X has become so inconsiderate and selfish when he decided to leave,im thankful that 
i could get lots of help in the country i live in right now being a single mum so financial until i can sort everything till my child is at certain age.
About your husband,sad to say but there is nothing in this world that can change his mind right now,so i suggest stop all the desperate acts coz it will really do give him more power to hurt you.
If he couldn't see your pain then the feeling is not there anymore,
accept it and pull yourself for you son and start thinking what you can do,im sure there is you just need to look for it,you still have your son that needs you as he has no idea on whats going on between the two of you...since my husband left i have never contacted him i took all the pain and cried and cried everytime i miss him but thats all i have done ,but i decided to stay strong for myself and my kid,and that was 3 months ago,it will get better everyday...


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Good for you Separated79..It's been more than six months since I've separated from my husband. Since then I was able to find a stable job, probably earning more than my husband does after overhead.
I was able to get an apartment, but all that time, I was wondering if my husband would like the furniture I chose, or if he will be proud of the job that I have secured. In my heart of hearts, I still want our marriage to work. I keep telling people around me that I'm ok, but secretly crying and hoping that my husband will realize that working on our marriage should be our priority. But nothing ever happened on his end. He rejected every attempt I made to fix our marriage, until I finally decided to do the 180 three weeks ago. I fought all desire to communicate, it was awful hard.
But right now...I feel myself getting better everyday. I just went to a movie with a friend, and had an actual good time. I'm actually entertaining thoughts that if my husband still insists on being in this marriage limbo that he has put us through, I may actually be the one to file the divorce.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

First, I would venture he will have to support for some time. See what legal help you can get. If he's this adamant, he may be involved with someone. I find his outright refusal a little suspicious. Get some help, perhaps from a community of people from your homeland. If nothing else, there is help for women out there.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

What's a 180?


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

The 180 is a tool to keep your dignity intact while going through a separation. It helps you recover no matter what the income of your marriage might be. I got it from one of the posters here (Morituri)

Marriage Builders® Discussion Forums: Divorce busting 180 degree list


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