# If you're not saying "I Love You" within 6 months, move on...



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I'm a fan of The Good Men Project. My best friend sent me this article. It's all about resisting the temptation to settle, expecting great things from yourself so that you can attract great partners, and great love. Thoughts?

If You’re Not Saying 'I Love You' After Six Months, Move On -


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I completely agree with the article. Too often, people settle and then miss out on opportunities to have a GREAT relationship.

I will probably get clobbered here, but I also think real love can and does happen much sooner than 6 months. I know for me, in my current relationship, it felt almost instantaneous.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Agree totally. Life would have been much different if I had adopted this way of thinking much earlier.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I agree with the article as well. Love can strike very quickly, but even so, I think it can take 6 to 12 months to be sure it's real for you both. I also think that it is often a mistake to agree to marry before being together 2 years, with some of that living together.

Anyway, good is indeed the enemy of great, and it's a truth I applied when seeking my second long term relationship. It continues to work very well after 15 years of testing.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I agree.. this is how I feel.. very strongly..


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Ha! In my profession, the saying goes "Don't let perfection be the enemy of good enough".


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I would suggest that if you haven't said "I love you" for more than 6 months, it's also time to move on.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Does the article have an addendum for explaining to a four-year-old? Or it's just "wait 20 years, then explain when they're ready to comprehend"?


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Good article jaquen. This bit resonated with me:



> Now, this theory of high standards has to apply to yourself as well—don’t settle for a mediocre version of yourself if you want to attract an amazing mate. Be someone who chases their dreams, if you want that characteristic in your mate. Be someone who brings as much to the table as you expect from them. *If you want someone who lives passionately,* has an interesting, fulfilling career, has tons of hobbies, fills the room with their personality and inspires other through their actions, *then you need to be that kind of person, too. *


Recently my wife and I were discussing what the single most important thing we have learned from each other.

Her answer: Confidence. You always build me up. You never put me down. What she's really talking about is self-esteem. Not that she had low self-esteem to begin with, just that I'd been very deliberate in building her sense of worth. It was natural, it's just the way I am.

My answer: You taught me that loyalty and commitment do not have to be like a faithful old labrador. It can also come in the form of a rabid Rottweiler. 

My wife is passionate and intense, and my previous one-foot-out-the-door policy wouldn't wash when dealing with her. The only way to cope with this localised whirlwind was to reply in kind. I realised how brave she was, that being "all in" was the only way to live.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

I would never say the "l" word after just 6 months. Unless the "l" word is "lust".

Within 6 months, people are still practicing "best behaviour" and odds are, you hardly know each other.

It's super easy to think someone is the bee's knees when you haven'that seen them at their worst, when they are still trying to woo and wow you. These sorts of behaviours are sustainable in the short term, but not in the long.

6 months is still very short term, IMHO.

By all means, hold out for great, don't settle, don't be with someone just because you are afraid to be alone. But don't assume that just because you get a high off someone, that it has anything to do with love.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It actually takes 2 - 3 years for the new relationship hormones to wear off, and we don't know someone's true behaviors, reactions or lifestyle until after that point.

I do agree that if you feel "meh" or just "maybe" after 6 months, you should move on.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

always_alone said:


> Unless the "l" word is "lust"


You can convey lust in the first two seconds with just a look. Lust doesn't need words. Love on the other hand can mean many things at different times in a relationship. At six months in, it meant to me "I'm serious about taking things further".


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> You can convey lust in the first two seconds with just a look. Lust doesn't need words. Love on the other hand can mean many things at different times in a relationship. At six months in, it meant to me "I'm serious about taking things further".


I use another "l" word for that: "like".

If "I love you" only means "I'm not ready to dump you yet," there really doesn't seem to be much point in ever saying it, IMHO.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

always_alone said:


> If "I love you" only means "I'm not ready to dump you yet," there really doesn't seem to be much point in ever saying it, IMHO.


I agree with you. I didn't willingly walk into a LTR with that mindset, so I've not used "I love you" in that context.

I'm not really sure where you're going with this


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> I agree with you. I didn't willingly walk into a LTR with that mindset, so I've not used "I love you" in that context.
> 
> I'm not really sure where you're going with this


I'm not going anywhere. Just responding to the OP article that says if you aren't professing love in 6 mths, move on to someone "better".


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

always_alone said:


> I'm not going anywhere. Just responding to the OP article that says if you aren't professing love in 6 mths, move on to someone "better".


Right.

I agree with the article. If after say, meeting someone twice a week for six months plus lengthy chats on the phone, you don't feel you're in a position to tell that person you love them, you should move on.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> Right.
> 
> I agree with the article. If after say, meeting someone twice a week for six months plus lengthy chats on the phone, you don't feel you're in a position to tell that person you love them, you should move on.


And I think the article is right that we shouldn't stay with people because we are more afraid of being alone, but that the 6mth professing of love is bunk.

If someone said "I love you" after that little contact, I'd tell them they need their head examined.


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## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

In my opinion 6 months is too early. How can you say you "love" someone in that amount of time? Love is a little more than just facebook chats, phone conversations, and sexting. What has a couple experienced in 6 months to say that they love each other? The author has a fairy tale outlook on love. The word is used too loosely in my opinion.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It sounds nice in theory, but reality is different:

I've only met two women that I really loved, and now that I'm single again I question the logic of "waiting for that extraordinary one" considering the quality that I've met since seperation. I've also met single friends who never had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 10 years, because they refuse to settle - and I fear going down the same route as them as I'm aging now. 

Even ex-wife, we were just friends for a year before we went all lovey dovey on each other (granted, I was with someone else at that time)

Many people settle for whatever they can get I've noticed too, but their lives seem more forfilled than the lives of those who refuse to settle, and miss out on opportunities and lifetime experiences because they are too "picky".


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

There must be something to this. The only woman who ever told me the words was the one who cheated on me for twenty years. Since the split she's still the only one who insists she loves me anytime she is hitting me up for money for her latest stud.
I doubt that I'll ever hear is again but if I do I'll take it with a grain of salt,


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

always_alone said:


> And I think the article is right that we shouldn't stay with people because we are more afraid of being alone, but that the 6mth professing of love is bunk.
> 
> If someone said "I love you" after that little contact, I'd tell them they need their head examined.


6 months is more than enough time to really get to know someone. I suppose if you have no self confidence and don't know what you want, you might require a longer period of time but I think that's unusual.

I met my wife and was married 6 months to the day after I met her. We just fit and shared very similar values. I was decisive, as was she, and we both knew what we wanted and what we were looking for.

Now did we have some bumps in the road early on? Yes, but every marriage does. That was almost 30 years ago.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Tubbalard said:


> In my opinion 6 months is too early. How can you say you "love" someone in that amount of time? Love is a little more than just facebook chats, phone conversations, and sexting. What has a couple experienced in 6 months to say that they love each other? The author has a fairy tale outlook on love. The word is used too loosely in my opinion.


Well, I said "I love You" to my wife after 6 weeks and she said it back so there's that. 

And we met and got married before the internet existed so we spent time on the phone and a lot of time in person to develop our feelings for one another. Imagine that.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> 6 months is more than enough time to really get to know someone. I suppose if you have no self confidence and don't know what you want, you might require a longer period of time but I think that's unusual.


It's a combination of knowing yourself, knowing what you're looking for and, as no one is perfect, what you can live with. We were both in our late twenties when we met and if at that stage, after six months if I didn't know her well enough I'd have to consider I hadn't used my time wisely.



Mostlycontent said:


> Well, I said "I love You" to my wife after 6 weeks and she said it back so there's that.
> 
> And we met and got married before the internet existed so we spent time on the phone and a lot of time in person to develop our feelings for one another. Imagine that.


True. All three receptionists at our respective offices were invited to our wedding, which is an indication of the volume of calls we were firing at each other when we should have been working (before mobiles). They aided and abetted us, including, for instance, pretending I was one of her clients so I could pull her out of boring meeting to tell her I loved her.

I can't remember when I first told her, but as we dated for two years before we got married I know a quarter of that time hadn't elapsed before I did. All I can recall is I told her when I wanted to.


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

Cletus said:


> Ha! In my profession, the saying goes "Don't let perfection be the enemy of good enough".


Hahaha. That's the funny thing of dating an engineer.

My fiance is an engineer t a T. But he is perfect to and for me. 

Though it can be like this sometimes:

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/833224/images/o-ENGINEERING-MEMES-facebook.jpg

http://jokes.memes.com/img/85455


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

For those saying it's too crazy to say "I Love You".

Maybe it is not the Love that comes from a lifetime spent together.

But an "I Love You" to say that I am willing to devote myself to you in a relationship. I want to be exclusive. I want to put the effort in. I have the viewpoint that the feelings of love and devotion are both natural, you have to have the spark, but also of hard work and sacrifice. That first "I Love You" after 6 months can be saying "I am willing to put in the hard work and sacrifice"

It is different than an "I Love You" After spending 20 years living together.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

It took me about a year to get brave enough to say the words but I was feeling it way before that.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Tubbalard said:


> In my opinion 6 months is too early. How can you say you "love" someone in that amount of time? Love is a little more than just facebook chats, phone conversations, and sexting. What has a couple experienced in 6 months to say that they love each other? The author has a fairy tale outlook on love. The word is used too loosely in my opinion.


I told my husband i loved him after a few months... I told him because its what i was feeling for him... I take it you do not believe in love at first sight.

Its our anniversary this month been married 7 happy years together for 11.... hes my soulmate... I fell in love with him soooo easily, it was how i felt, it was my head and my heart was saying... they were not wrong.

I could not imagine life without him.

He probably gets tired of hearing how much i love him, I tell him enough lol.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Tubbalard said:


> In my opinion 6 months is too early. How can you say you "love" someone in that amount of time?


Clearly literally hundreds of millions of couples across the millenia would disagree.

It's too early _for you_, which is fine. But to suggest that it's too early for all people? Come on now.




Tubbalard said:


> The author has a fairy tale outlook on love. The word is used too loosely in my opinion.


Some people live that "fairy tale" everyday. It's possible.


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## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

The first time i said the l word to a woman was to my wife when i proposed to her, she told me that at the same time too. I knew that she was the one from the beginning but skeptic the whole concept of love. I'm a product of divorced parents and my mother didn't handle it very well, crappy actually and it added a lot of emotional baggage for me and my siblings. Her childhood wasn't a great one too, probably worse. 

For normal people i suppose it's a magical moment when you realize that you're in love, but for people with issue, it's a scary thing


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

When you say "love" in the context you guys are all referring to, it carries great responsibility, obligation and commitment. It is one thing to express a feeling of love for someone, I can do that for just about any person at any level of intimacy but the intent behind it is just an expression of my emotion. I can feel love for a near-perfect stranger, for a close friend, for a new dating partner and for a spouse but obviously the depth of the emotion is different for each.

And everybody on here seems to set the boundary of when it speaks to the actual state of the relationship rather than just the state of your emotions at a different spot. Not only that, but for me it is easy to recognize that you can still achieve the state of an intimate, committed relationship without even having to say "I love you" to that person. Personally, I put no predefined value on those words, I choose to use it as merely a statement of my emotions towards someone, not my level of commitment and so I will use it genuinely (but since I recognize most people don't use those words the way I do, I also use it sparingly). The words "I love you" are not relationship currency I will honour for transactions, instead I honour the sharing of experiences and intimacy.


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## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

In what way would they "clearly" disagree? Are you basing this on marriage or stories passed down from ancestors? I doubt the modern day american love view was prevalent through millenia. 





And everday there is a sequel. Divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

It's amazing that you, or anybody, would seriously suggest that human beings can't fall truly in love within half a year.

Incredible. And obviously false in so many cases.



Tubbalard said:


> And everday there is a sequel. Divorce.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



And every day millions more don't and won't. Your point?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Tubbalard said:


> In my opinion 6 months is too early. *How can you say you "love" someone in that amount of time? *


Easily. My SO and I declared our love for each other in a matter of WEEKS. It was genuine, sincere, and true. 4+ YEARS later we are still together, more in love than ever (if that's even possible) and it would have been downright silly to wait to say it.



Tubbalard said:


> Love is a little more than just facebook chats, phone conversations, and sexting. What has a couple experienced in 6 months to say that they love each other? The author has a fairy tale outlook on love. The word is used too loosely *in my opinion.*


But that's YOUR opinion. I have only ever told 3 men that I loved them (I'm 49 years old). And I meant it with each one I said it to. And I guarantee you, my relationship with my SO in the beginning was far more than Facebook chats, phone convos, and "sexting". He doesn't use Facebook (doesn't have an account), we rarely ever spoke on the phone, and we certainly didn't text or "sext" until we were an established couple.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

Here's the problem with this article.

I have a really good friend, who is honestly a 2-3 on the scale of "cuteness" and a 3-4 on the scale of "money".

He's a really really good guy, great intentions, and all, but he can't find any women that he wants who will want him back.

He's personal "go zone" of hotness for a girl is at least a 5 or higher... unfortunately unattainable for someone given his status on looks and money.

So he won't be able to find any girl to say "I love you", ever. This article basically dooms him to a life of singleness.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I put less stock in hearing "I love you" than I do in someone's actions, no matter when they say it.

I don't say "I love you" within 6 months. To me, that's still an infatuation or, at best, an "I'm IN love with you," which I think is far, far different from "I love you."


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> But that's YOUR opinion. I have only ever told 3 men that I loved them (I'm 49 years old). And I meant it with each one I said it to. And I guarantee you, my relationship with my SO in the beginning was far more than Facebook chats, phone convos, and "sexting". He doesn't use Facebook (doesn't have an account), we rarely ever spoke on the phone, and we certainly didn't text or "sext" until we were an established couple.


There are a few people in my life, and some now in my history, for whom I developed very strong emotional bonds with very quickly. Some of those were romantic, some platonic.

Never once has my heart let me down. Some of the relationships have ceased, but never because I was wrong about how I felt about these people. And most of them are still in my life. 

Including my wife.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

justaguy123 said:


> He's a really really good guy, great intentions, and all, but he can't find any women that he wants who will want him back.


This is the problem, not the article.

He's personal "go zone" of hotness for a girl is at least a 5 or higher... unfortunately unattainable for someone given his status on looks and money.

So he won't be able to find any girl to say "I love you", ever. This article basically dooms him to a life of singleness.[/QUOTE]What will probably doom 'you friend' to a life of singleness is that he's incredibly shallow:

1. He rates women's attractiveness on a scale of 1-10. Not only is it juvenile it's superficial. Those numbers walking past you in the street or you see in a bar are actual people with feelings and thoughts other own. Any woman with depth and character will give him a wide berth.

2. If he doesn't learn to be interested in people, people, in return will not be interested in him.

3. He equates "attractiveness" to looks and money. Even if he does improve his financial situation he'll attract the kind of woman who'll love him for his wallet. Is that what he really wants? Of course, having looks and money doesn't hurt but attractiveness is far more complex and nuanced. But he'l have to look beyond a person wrapper to understand that.

From the article


> Now, this theory of high standards has to apply to yourself as well—*don’t settle for a mediocre version of yourself if you want to attract an amazing mate. *Be someone who chases their dreams, if you want that characteristic in your mate. Be someone who brings as much to the table as you expect from them. If you want someone who lives passionately, has an interesting, fulfilling career, has tons of hobbies, fills the room with their personality and inspires other through their actions, then you need to be that kind of person, too.
> 
> This is where many of us fall short. *We settle for mediocrity in ourselves and yet expect to end up with Leonardo DiCaprio or Keira Knightley.* The classic “double-standard.”


If your friend has neither looks or money he could try; being interesting, being able to hold a conversation, passionate about something, being funny, spontaneous, creative, having interesting experiences, etc, etc, etc.

I hope this helps your friend.

NB - Maybe I'm being incredibly old-fashioned here, but since when did heterosexual men start rating their male friend's "cuteness"?


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I agree with the article and am generally a fan of GMP.

IMO, six months is more than enough time to fall in love in someone. If they're not lighting you up by then, then I doubt they ever will. Love, if it comes at all, I think will come slow and simmering... which is more how I would describe love many years into a comfortable relationship for most people. This seems to be skipping the best parts of falling in love. Many people sustain passion, but not many relationships become more passionate than they were early. Most tend to wane and settle in. So why stay with someone where the passion and high excitement was so... mediocre... that it took a year to develop, if it develops at all, only to skip right into the simmer and simple habit of being with them?

Screw that. Not my cup of tea.


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## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

jaquen said:


> It's amazing that you, or anybody, would seriously suggest that human beings can't fall truly in love within half a year.
> 
> Incredible. And obviously false in so many cases.
> 
> ...


Are people falling in love or are they just choosing a word that fits their feelings? What does falling in love mean?

And every day we see the love was just temporary. Your point?


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Tubbalard said:


> Are people falling in love or are they just choosing a word that fits their feelings? What does falling in love mean?


With the proviso that "Love" will mean different things to different people, I'll have a stab at explaining _from my point of view_.


Lust/Physical Attraction: Ideally you have this feeling for each other right from the get go. I don't believe in soulmates or that there's one person out there, there are thousands, tens of thousands. As DvlsAdvc8 said if you're not feeling this for your partner you're selling yourself and them short. I don't believe it's a 'feeling' (for want of a better word) that grows later with time. It's there or it isn't.
Falling in Love: This is where with contact and proximity you're getting to know someone. You 'click' and find how much you have in common and how much you admire your partner. At this point no one exists but the two of you. I said "I love you" as a serious statement of intent of seeing if the relationship would go the distance. As the article says if after six months you still can't bring yourself to say this, it's time to find someone better suited to you. A better match, not a comparative judgement on whether person A is better than person B. 
Love and Reality: This is where the love drugs wear off a bit and you can see your partners flaws. But you love them anyway. You're in love with the whole person, warts and all.
Mature Love: Where you've been through good times and bad together. "I love you for being strong when we had a miscarriage" "I love you for bearing my children" "I love you for making an effort with my mother", etc



> And every day we see the love was just temporary. Your point?


Every day people crash their cars. Some die. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop driving.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

This is going to be individualized not only by person but by relationship as well. I personally have said " I love you" when dating for only a month or so and then in another circumstance it was after 6 months. I felt the same toward both women just felt it at different times.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

That article hit the nail on the head for my situation. I now am on the process of MC, but it would take a counseling miracle as far as I am concerned. Just like the article says, I've suffered enough and we both deserve someone who is a better fit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

justaguy123 said:


> So he won't be able to find any girl to say "I love you", ever. This article basically dooms him to a life of singleness.


The article doesn't doom him. He does. If all he can fall in love with is that which he can't get, sucks to be him.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

There are very different definitions of love being used in this thread.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I think being truly "in love" is as obvious as an orgasm.

If you have to ask, you probably didn't have one.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Perhaps some are tying love and commitment, which I don't think necessarily go hand in hand. I still have love for one woman I dated, and I broke up with her. I love her and know that we're not right for each other.

We used to laugh at how star crossed we are. Anytime we're together it's like no time has passed... but we've both learned we're fire and gasoline.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Perhaps some are tying love and commitment, which I don't think necessarily go hand in hand.


That could be because, in my case, I'm still in love with the person I'm committed to?


soccermom2three said:


> It took me about a year to get brave enough to say the words but I was feeling it way before that.


Thinking about this post, I do remember that saying "I love you" was important and saying it would change the nature of our relationship. It was a statement of intent.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Tubbalard said:


> *In my opinion 6 months is too early. How can you say you "love" someone in that amount of time? Love is a little more than just facebook chats, phone conversations, and sexting. What has a couple experienced in 6 months to say that they love each other? The author has a fairy tale outlook on love. The word is used too loosely in my opinion.*


 In some of our experiences -it was used in a short amount of time..although I really can't remember when my Husband 1st said it .. most definitely before 6 months.. I am thinking more like 3 months in.... and it all worked out... (I wish I could find my old dairy!) 

Saying ...Really... Relationship Experts say it takes a good 18 + months to know if what a couple feels is still in the infatuation stage, that dopamine excitement of something new, too often we see what we want to see..... this takes a time to wear off.. so the flaws, and blemishes become more clear to us.. painting a not so wonderful picture many times....and we find we are not so compatible after all.. .

A couple needs to have many shared experiences, deep conversations....having some FIGHTS along the way ...how important to see how each deals with conflict (a peering into the future [email protected]#)...this is HUGE...

In my opinion... MUCH depends on if a couple is talking /sharing deeply.

When myself & husband met.. we talked "vulnerably" from the very beginning....neither of us trying to put on a show.. be something we weren't .. I was picking his brain on so many levels .... (God help him- he answered all my love letters).. ....I knew what I wanted in a Boyfriend.. and I wasn't afraid to express it either....... we grew emotionally attached very quickly as we realized how VERY MUCH we had in common...

It's not always a false alarm... if each person brings their authentic self to the table.. speaking about their lives, hopes & dreams.. how they feel about this.. how they feel about that.. and if we know ourselves enough to know ....could this work..(BE logical too!)... better to end this now...so we can move on quicker to someone more 'in sinc" with us.. 



> *DvlsAdvc8 said*:* Perhaps some are tying love and commitment, which I don't think necessarily go hand in hand. I still have love for one woman I dated, and I broke up with her. I love her and know that we're not right for each other.*


 I am most definitely one who ties Love & commitment together.. exclusivity, romance.. or please don't go there...I would rather someone not say that...... but again.. my Husband understood this about me early on... his way of viewing it was so in sync with mine.... which helped us bond ..neither of us would take these words lightly.. they attached a wonder of future hopes & dreams together..


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am most definitely one who ties Love & commitment together.. exclusivity, romance.. or please don't go there...I would rather someone not say that...... but again.. my Husband understood this about me early on... his way of viewing it was so in sync with mine.... which helped us bond ..neither of us would take these words lightly.. they attached a wonder of future hopes & dreams together..


I'm inclined to believe that once you love someone, you never really stop loving them, or at least, the memory of who they were. The love simply evolves. Many divorced people I spoke to during my separation/divorce still love their exes - they just achieved awareness that they didn't work as a couple. Sorry John Lennon, love is not all you need.

On the flip side, I personally can't offer commitment even to a person I've fallen in love with until I've gathered enough time and information to believe that we work well together as a couple. I can love them all day long, but at some point, a recognition of toxic behavior comes... even things as simple as reckless spending or incompatible contentious communication styles. There's falling in love with someone, and then there's falling in love with someone you can live with.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm always more freaked out by someone saying ILY too soon. 

Like when we don't really know each other at all.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I'm inclined to believe that *once you love someone, you never really stop loving them*, *or at least, the memory of who they were. *The love simply evolves. Many divorced people I spoke to during my separation/divorce still love their exes - they just achieved awareness that they didn't work as a couple. *Sorry John Lennon, love is not all you need.*
> 
> On the flip side, I personally can't offer commitment even to a person I've fallen in love with until I've gathered enough time and information to believe that we work well together as a couple. I* can love them all day long, but at some point, a recognition of toxic behavior comes...* even things as simple as reckless spending or incompatible contentious communication styles. T*here's falling in love with someone, and then there's falling in love with someone you can live with.*


:iagree::iagree::iagree: Excellent post.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I had a very short relationship with a crazy lady that was fishing for the ILY from me on our 4th date. She asked why I hadn't told her that yet, part of it s culture/language differences but mostly she was crazy. I told her the truth that I had love for her, but not the kind that comes from getting to know someone and being in love.


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