# Does my wife want to reconcile?



## Trueandfaithful75 (Aug 30, 2017)

My wife and I have been separated for more than ten months. She left me. It has been a roller coaster ride for me during this time in my life. From feelings of hope to feelings of hopelessness. I did everything wrong in the beginning from begging and pleading, you name it and I did it. During this time of my life I have dug deep and committed myself to self improvement. I found out in May by my wife that she was dating someone and since then I have really given her space, I have not I initiated contact only if it's a serious issue having to do with our children. Over the months my wife would send me pictures from our past and comment on them, and send emails and texts about how she misses our family and is "still attached to me " but is afraid of coming back home. Just last Sunday she invited me to go to this farm we'd take our children too when we were together. But I kindly turned her down on the offer because I didn't want to give our children false hope. I bwant to reconcile more than anything, but do it in a responsible way. My question is does it seem as if my wife wants to reconcile or is she playing with my emotions? She actually just called me and was very emotional because she has to go to the hospital and asked if I could pick our boys up from school since they are with her this week. I said yes anything I could do to help her out. I don't want to seem desperate and needy. I'm willing to work on us if that's what she wants. But it's in her hands now if she wants to get back together. Thanks for listening.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

she wants to string you along as a backup plan.

Why are you separated?


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

You are Plan B and always will be (she was likely dating someone before she moved out BTW). She MAY want to reconcile if her current boyfriend isn't serious about committing to her, or it didn't work out. But it will just be for a time until she finds someone else and does it again in the near future.

The ONLY way you can reconcile here is if she literally comes completely clean, commits to 180 degree change, agrees on IC and MC, is completely humbled and transparent. Anything short of 100% full commitment to the reconciliation process and the marriage means it's just smoke and mirrors on her part, and she wants to keep you on the back burner "just in case".

You're doing things right now, don't screw it all up by taking her back when she has done nothing to deserve it.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Was she having an affair when she left or was there another cause for the separation? 

The responsible way to reconcile is for her to approach you about it and pursue you, since she was the one to leave (you should never chase after someone that leaves you). If she does those things then ask her out on dates and court her properly, the way you did when you first met her. She should also setup counseling for you two so you can work through your issues in a productive manner. You shouldn't be at her beck and call and talking with her or helping her, except about the kids, while she is dating another man.


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## itsontherocks (Sep 7, 2015)

You need to go NC unless for the kids. You also need to grow a spine. She's dating while you're separated? Did you agree to this? If not, I'd file for divorce and see if that helps clear her mind. She's playing you for a fool. I understand you want to hold your family together, however, she's not doing anything on her end.. From what you say, I mean NOTHING. Why would you nor any woman want a man who cannot stand up for themselves? If I was in the same position, I'd file and not look back. Most people here know how I feel about adultery. That is an immediate go to jail, no past go or collect 200.00. 

Think about it dude.


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## Trueandfaithful75 (Aug 30, 2017)

I found a text from the man she is "now" seeing. And we had a blow up fight and she left me. So I assume as I did then that she was having an affair.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

if that's the case, don't give her the time of day. Always be there for the kids, but otherwise, ignore her.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Even if she wants to reconcile, why would _you_ want to, especially at this point, knowing what you know now?


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## Trueandfaithful75 (Aug 30, 2017)

I am in n/c and have been since May. I don't initiate contact and only reply if it has importance to our children.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Take dreamland away from her. Send divorce papers. You can always cancel them, or get back together once you're divorced (I did - and I won't remarry) if that's what's truly in you heart.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

Trueandfaithful75 said:


> I found a text from the man she is "now" seeing. And we had a blow up fight and she left me. So I assume as I did then that she was having an affair.


Yeah you're plan B, she just want to make sure you're still around in the event her affair partner won't leave his wife, or otherwise commit to her. You can only reconcile if she basically comes crawling back, humble, transparent, and willing to do anything to fix the marriage. Usually a cheater in the middle of an affair has not desire to do this.

Your marriage is likely done, but the NC is the right thing, don't fall for her sending you old pics, and lamenting the past, it's just a mind game to her.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Trueandfaithful75 said:


> I am in n/c and have been since May. I don't initiate contact and only reply if it has importance to our children.


Good job! 

The real question to consider is not whether your wife wants to reconcile, but do you want to reconcile and be back in a relationship with her, and if so, under what circumstances? When a woman lies to her husband and walks out on her family for another man, it is usually a death blow to the relationship because most guys will no longer want to be married to someone like that. But, if you decide you really want to reconcile you'll have to wait for it to be her idea and then she is going to have to work really hard at convincing you that she's remorseful and will commit 100% to a relationship with you no matter what it takes. Without that, a reconciliation won't work.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Trueandfaithful75 said:


> Does my wife want to reconcile?


I don't know, who left who?



Trueandfaithful75 said:


> She left me.


You didn't try to work it out as the dumpee did you?



Trueandfaithful75 said:


> I did everything wrong in the beginning from begging and pleading, you name it and I did it.


So you threw away your dignity. Bro, come on.



Trueandfaithful75 said:


> She sent emails and texts about how she misses our family and is "still attached to me " but is afraid of coming back home.


She's setting you up as plan b in case she gets tired of getting plowed by the d from her boy toy.



Trueandfaithful75 said:


> I said yes anything I could do to help her out. I don't want to seem desperate and needy.


It's far too late for that.....



Trueandfaithful75 said:


> I'm willing to work on us if that's what she wants. But it's in her hands now if she wants to get back together.


Literally waiting by the phone... Do you REALLY think she'd EVER respect you as a man if you took her back? 



Trueandfaithful75 said:


> Thanks for listening.


I wish you'd listen cause I know this is going to fall on deaf ears but just in case.....

*IF SHE WANTED YOU, SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU. PERIOD.*

You are literally letting her SHOP AROUND for another guy while you wait by the phone.

Why have you not moved on?!? This needs to be your TOP PRIORITY in life RIGHT NOW.

Do whatever it takes to achieve this goal. From one man to another, let her go. It's OVER.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Trueandfaithful75 said:


> I found a text from the man she is "now" seeing. And we had a blow up fight and she left me. So I assume as I did then that she was having an affair.


I have been busy digging deep holes in my garden. I have been eavesdropping on this post.

For me, this post is my starting whistle.

Prior to this revelation one could suppose that she was a WAW. A walk away wife who got fed up and moved out. No infidelity on anyone's part.

But now, you have dragged the horse head out from under your sheets. Exposed it's existence, it's hurtful meaning.

She opened her hand, she showed your her palm.
She showed you her snarl.

She tore open her blouse, baring her breasts and, basically told you that these beauties are another man's. He gets to touch them. Pinch their tips. Not you...no more.
And out the door she went in a heated huff.

She is continuing to allow other men to touch her dearest recesses. And she is trying to woo you back.

Let her go.

She slammed shut the marital door shut.

It is now jammed. Leave it be. 

Do not talk to her, except about your children [if you have any].


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Women can be exceptionally cruel creatures. Yours is being one. 
They will send pics and crap and say things that mislead you into wondering if you still love them. She is just wanting ego kibbles, likely when she's having a fight with her lover or he's being a jerk to her. Or she's PMS'ing and feeling all emotional.

It's totally freaking clear to all here that have been through this that you have NOT moved on like you need to. MOVING ON and DIVORCING HER should be your first priority. No woman will want you in the state you're in. You have to put this "lady" behind you and force yourself to consider her dead as a woman. All she is is your kids mom. Nothing more to you.

PLEASE don't misinterpret all this BS she's shoveling toward you to make sure you're still on the hook. IF she wanted to reconcile, it's quite clear what you would see. First, she'd break up with her affair partner (let's face it, your wife cheated on you as you already know) and come and BEG you to take her back. She's not doing anything resembling that. 
You still love her. If you thought it would work, you'd be more than happy to beg her back.
If she still loved you and wanted you, she'd be more than willing to do the same, especially since her sorry arse cheated on you and left you.

GET A FREAKING GIRLFRIEND and move on and get her off your mind. Anybody. Just get some danged confidence and get this cheating, attention needing person off your mind. You are still in "she's my soulmate, the only woman I can ever love" mode. GTFO of that. God, I was in it once, and I am so glad I'm not in it now. I will pray you find the strength to get out of it yourself. I assure you that there is another woman out there that you can love, and most likely love MORE. Get to looking.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

BTW, you need to understand that this lure she's putting out is totally normal, but absolutely does NOT mean she want you back. She simply wants to know she's desired by you. Wouldn't you like to know there are multiple women in the world just pining like hell for you and you could call them at any moment for whatever your heart desired?

Also, you need to know that she was LOOKING for a reason to divorce you and be with her new man. That's why the BLOW UP fight happened. She was looking for a reason to get you out the door, because she wanted you out of the way to be with her new man.

You have every reason to run from this woman and never look back. There are NO reasons that are logical for you to still want her, other than you cannot accept she's truly gone. I personally had what has happened to you, happen to me. And I remember in technicolor that I never even started to get through the horrendous pain I felt until I accepted what my wife was and that she was GONE.

Brother, your wife is, too. She's GONE. Please ACCEPT this and get over her. You will then begin healing and WILL find someone new and forget her. Stop beating yourself up and making excuses for your wife. That's also a very normal and common thing for a betrayed, left behind spouse to do. It was NOT all your fault your marriage ended. It WAS the result of the nuclear bomb she dropped on it by giving her emotions and body to another man.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Trueandfaithful75 said:


> My wife and I have been separated for more than ten months. She left me. It has been a roller coaster ride for me during this time in my life. From feelings of hope to feelings of hopelessness. I did everything wrong in the beginning from begging and pleading, you name it and I did it. During this time of my life I have dug deep and committed myself to self improvement. I found out in May by my wife that she was dating someone and since then I have really given her space, I have not I initiated contact only if it's a serious issue having to do with our children. Over the months my wife would send me pictures from our past and comment on them, and send emails and texts about how she misses our family and is "still attached to me " but is afraid of coming back home. Just last Sunday she invited me to go to this farm we'd take our children too when we were together. But I kindly turned her down on the offer because I didn't want to give our children false hope. I bwant to reconcile more than anything, but do it in a responsible way. My question is does it seem as if my wife wants to reconcile or is she playing with my emotions? She actually just called me and was very emotional because she has to go to the hospital and asked if I could pick our boys up from school since they are with her this week. I said yes anything I could do to help her out. I don't want to seem desperate and needy. I'm willing to work on us if that's what she wants. But it's in her hands now if she wants to get back together. Thanks for listening.


You found a text from another man then she walked out on you. In May you confirmed who it is she walked out on you for. 

Good job putting yourself back together. What you have done in months I have seen people IRL and here on TAM suffer for years to get where you are now. Good job indeed, keep it up. You will get through this faster with less pain continuing on the road you are on now. 

Your wife has made zero effort towards reconciliation. Yes, she is playing with your emotions. You are plan B. Classic manipulative cheater behavior. 

Pick up your kids because you want to be with them, not to help her out. She is not your problem. You should no longer be her emotional tampon. She replaced you for that with the man who broke up your family. 

File for divorce and finish it ASAP to show her you have moved on. If she ever shows true regret and remorse for what she has done you can keep her in the dating pool like any other single woman. If she really truly wanted to reunite her family she will accept those terms. You however may change your mind. Give yourself that choice. Don't let her rob you of your choices by stringing you along with false hope and empty promises. She wants to sit on the fence AND eat cake. Smack the cake out of her hands and push her off the fence of her indecision. Just file.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She left you for him. She has since decided that's not working the way she thought it would. Now she's trying to get you back. 

You're Plan B.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

and is ready to take responsibility in accept the fact she cheated...i bet you not...i bet she is stringing you along. I bet the minute you start to date she will be begging to come back...no if i were you i file you can always cancel but it will demonstrate that you are in control and not her. at this point your self respect is more important


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

The single most important thing that you can do is move on.

File. Have her served. Suggest mediation to avoid expenses. In that order.

Love yourself enough to stop tolerating the intolerable.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

farsidejunky said:


> The single most important thing that you can do is move on.
> 
> File. Have her served. Suggest mediation to avoid expenses. In that order.
> 
> Love yourself enough to stop tolerating the intolerable.


What FJ said 100 times. Get her out of your life.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Unfortunately, she has shown you her true self. She did not stay and fight for her marriage, she left for another guy. Do yourself a major favor and file for divorce and move to a better woman.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Why are YOU keeping yourself in limbo?

She's been screwing her boyfriend for probably over a year and you are doing what?

Waiting to see if she'll take you back?

You really should wake up and file. Quit being your harlot wifes chump.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Taxman said:


> Unfortunately, she has shown you her true self. She did not stay and fight for her marriage, she left for another guy. Do yourself a major favor and file for divorce and move to a better woman.


Move to women.

Ah, that sounds nice.

I will refine that thought.

Move down wind of women. Smell their fragrance . Take in the raw smell that is unique only to women.

Observe them, watch their every move.

Listen to their chatter. As one does a songbird.

When you see one you like. You whisper in her ear. The words?

You, come here. You are the one I want. Come home with me now.

Uh, that is a fantasy. Do not do this.

Tell her that you have made up your mind, and she is in your mind. With an honest smile, of course.

.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Every time you think about reconciling, think about them having sex. He has tainted her. Left his mark in her. It will never be the same. She destroyed your family once. Don't let her do it again.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Your wife has played you along like a cheap wooden fiddle! She already has more notches tattooed on her the back of her a$$ than Billy the Kid's pistol!

Do the honorable thing and lose her sorry a$$! File for D and go for primary controlling custody of your kids! After all, they sure as hell don't need her around as some kind of a role model, do they? *


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## TrustInYourself (Mar 3, 2018)

Who cares. Live your life. Be your best self, your true self. Let the bull**** fall away. Focus on that beautiful energy you have inside. **** the rest.


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