# heart removal



## lost and depressed (Aug 30, 2011)

so i contacted my wife and asked if she had time to think aboutstuff. answer was "i think about a lot of things" and then segue into the weather. i answered about the weather and then nothing else. maybe im not trying hard enough, maybe im trying too hard, but either way the result is the same. so all i can do is bottlestop my emotions again and move along being miserable by myself. clearly i am meaningless to her so thats the deal then. its my owln fault in the end like everything else that happens in my life. so now i can just sit back, relax, and not feel anything because thats the only way i know to not be so miserable. its not the answer i know but its the only play i have left in my book i dont kow what else to do. ive been miserable since coming back from my failed life adventure in the big city and its clear that wifey doesnt have any desire to help me out of it and truthfully who can blame her. i cant escape the memories anymore so i just have to take them as they come. it sux because most of theday and night im just sad, and super stressed about money and the lease i broke and the bankruptcy that still isnt resolved. i had to turn off my cellphone because i cant afford it and truthfully i dont miss it but it makes working a little less convenient because no one can contact me for quick changes but hey if the taliban can organize terrotist attacks without cellphones then im sure i can work without one. still paying for the wife to have her phone because yea i am that kind of sucker punk loser but i feel bad and she cant really affordit and doesnt have a home phone so maybe ill be rewarded with some karma? probably not but whatever. most days i just feel like calling it quits but ive nowhere left to run and nowhere to hide from my problems. just have to squash things and embrace the numb. maybe ill turn into the first zombie, thats b nice cuz zombies only have one problem.. eating people. otherwise they live a carefree and worryfree existence, must be amazing. cant turn to drugs or alcohol because ive got no money. even if i did my head is such a mess i dont think either one would help and i can numb myself dont need drugs for that. clearly its time i turned off and checked out. tired all the time, eating enuf to live, working a bit which is nice but i feel like quitting that too. cant tho. dont know how to manage the stress of everything so shutting down is my only option. anyway hope all is well out there in tv land. hope someone out there is happy holding the person they love. i know its not me and i know it never will be so movingon to nothing and hoping for nothing because this way i cant be leet down or dissappointed. botom line: this dingleberry gives up on himself for the forseeable future.
" cant say goodbye so instead ill say fare thee well"


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hey there man. I havent had a chance to catch up on all your post about what happen. I dont know how long you have been going through this but I can say I have been where you are. My wife left in July and it was the worst thing I could have imagined but I can say I am getting better and finding myself again. Keep your head up and dont keep kicking yourself over and over its nothing we can do or say that will change their mind. The only thing we can do is try and move on without them I know it is hard it has been the roughest thing I have been through and who knows maybe one day they might want to come back but who knows we might not want them back then and would we really want to go through this again? It gets better I can promise you that but it does take time come on here and talk to us and feel free to PM me Im not the best but man Ive been where your at.


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