# Masturbation & sex (Ladies)



## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Okay, I know this might be more of a 'sex in marriage' thread, but I want to ask the ladies in particular if you have any experience or advice on this.
Has anyone cut back on pleasuring themselves, (alone,) only to find that as a result, orgasms during sex, take longer to reach?
I'm so confused because I thought NOT having orgasms between sex with my h would increase the intensity & would ramp up the time it took for me to come with him.
I'm finding it to be the opposite- it's taking me longer than usual to finish..
Guys- feel free to chime in- just looking for some helpful info! Thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

That is definitely confusing.I always had the issue of taking forever to orgasm if I masturbated too much in addition to sex.

Goes without saying but I think if I had that issue I'd be masturbating as a daily hobby

Maybe and this is just speculation, it takes longer without masturbation bc you aren't as stimulated and sensitive as you would be after you masturbated earlier that day?


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

KG its the old saying "if you dont use it you lose it" comes to mind


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

Hm - I've found the more sexual I am in whatever form, the easier it is to O. Maybe when I think about sex more, get aroused more, orgasm more, it becomes a "viscous" (not really!  ) circle...


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

I think it also depends on your orgasms from masturbation. If they're just small "tide me overs" type, then most likely they are leaving some "want" still in your system and your body is more receptive and turned on during sex.

This is all speculation.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

Yea, I kind of feel like that's it- that, because I'm blocking myself from feeling as hot & bothered as I normally would, that repressed feeling inadvertently has been transferring into the bedroom.
It's still awesome with my man, just that I want to come with him or before instead of way after...it's thrown me off though in that I figured I would be SUPER ready to come after a short while, with no earlier playtime to myself...maybe I'm just messing with my system by holding back?
I guess there is only one thing to do...

SB..I may start a new daily habit, for experimentation purposes, of course! ha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

lol you go girl!


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> Okay, I know this might be more of a 'sex in marriage' thread, but I want to ask the ladies in particular if you have any experience or advice on this.
> Has anyone cut back on pleasuring themselves, (alone,) only to find that as a result, orgasms during sex, take longer to reach?
> I'm so confused because I thought NOT having orgasms between sex with my h would increase the intensity & would ramp up the time it took for me to come with him.
> I'm finding it to be the opposite- it's taking me longer than usual to finish..
> ...


I'm not a woman, but from what I've seen, a woman who is getting a lot of good sex wants more of it. The more it happens, the more it is in her consciousness. The more she thinks about it, the "hornier" she gets, and the easier it is for her to be "in the mood" and "ready". 

My W is like that. We have great sex minimum a few times a week. She is typically orgasming from that, or by herself almost daily. I encourage it! The more she does it, the more she wants it, and the easier it is for her to cum. Within reason of course...everyone enoys a break every now and then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

I masturbate almost every day, and I have thought of cutting back so I would be more aroused and quicker when I am with my H. This is a good topic, esp because I am always conscious of taking "too long" when he is there.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> KG its the old saying "if you dont use it you lose it" comes to mind


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

For me, masturbating will make it take longer to finish later on during sex or some other sexual act. If I 'grin & bear it' all day, my skin is crawling by the evening and I can usually cum much quicker. 

Odd to hear the reverse, OP. I see where you are confused by it. (For a woman or man.)

My only guess would be as a woman, it is easier to have multiple orgasms, albeit within minutes or hours apart. A man needs more down time (especially once he reaches a certain age, ahem...).

Perhaps your situation is somewhere along those lines. And your first O may also take longer to experience, thus making it an even longer wait if you didn't play with yourself that day.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

I had a similar experience back when I was having sex....

And for me I'm sure it was mental, mixed with some physical "physics". Some guys might say the same thing.... self care takes a short period of time, because you know exactly what to do. And it's well, just different. And maybe more mentally relaxing. 

It became more pronouned for me as we drifted emotionally apart.... less able to relax. Just my personal experiences.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

What seems so ironic is men want to last longer and women want to go sooner. WTF


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



homebuilder said:


> What seems so ironic is men want to last longer and women want to go sooner. WTF


I was on this forum about moms and marriage. One of the topics was sex. Most of the women were in unison that they preferred sex that only lasted about 10 minutes. And their attitude towards it was just to O and get it over with. This blew my mind. But a lot of them had young kids though..so I dunno:yawn2:


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

My first question would be is masturbation with a toy and sex without? I mean the battery operated kind.


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## 33N 96W (Aug 25, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



HopelesslyJaded said:


> My first question would be is masturbation with a toy and sex without? I mean the battery operated kind.


I believe most people define "sex" as sexual intercourse (penis in vagina).

Masturbation (on the other hand  )is SELF-STIMULATION of the clitoris/vagina, penis and/or anus. Masturbation may be done by a finger(s), hand(s), vibrator, dildo, etc. , household items such as a pillow, washing machine, electric sander  etc. People have been masturbating long before the invention of the battery or electrical devices.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

To increase orgasm sensations/strength you need to increase the strength and tone in your pelvic floor muscles.

Do kegals and get some ben wa balls and work them!

I've never gone any length of time without self pleasuring... so I can't comment on the OP's original question. 

I also don't find how much i masturbate effects me wanting my H more or less. The two seem quite separate to me... nothing replaces H and as I woman I could have 30 orgasms a day if I felt like it... :yay::yay::yay:

I am woman... hear me roar!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



33N 96W said:


> I believe most people define "sex" as sexual intercourse (penis in vagina).
> 
> Masturbation (on the other hand  )is SELF-STIMULATION of the clitoris/vagina, penis and/or anus. Masturbation may be done by a finger(s), hand(s), vibrator, dildo, etc. , household items such as a pillow, washing machine, electric sander  etc. People have been masturbating long before the invention of the battery or electrical devices.



So if your wife gave the pool boy a blow job or even a hand job...you wouldn't consider that to be sex/sexual relations.

You and Bill Clinton must have been at the same sex-ed classes...


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

33N 96W said:


> I believe most people define "sex" as sexual intercourse (penis in vagina).
> 
> Masturbation (on the other hand  )is SELF-STIMULATION of the clitoris/vagina, penis and/or anus. Masturbation may be done by a finger(s), hand(s), vibrator, dildo, etc. , household items such as a pillow, washing machine, electric sander  etc. People have been masturbating long before the invention of the battery or electrical devices.


I am not a dumbass. You missed the point in that question entirely. The point was......the difference could be the use of a toy during masturbation versus not using oit during sex.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



waiwera said:


> To increase orgasm sensations/strength you need to increase the strength and tone in your pelvic floor muscles.
> 
> Do kegals and get some ben wa balls and work them!
> 
> ...




You have my intimidation and respect


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

I am very lucky when it comes to orgasms. 

NOTHING stops me from having multiples, not masturbation or frequent (more than once daily) lovemaking. 

Of course, having a husband who knows his way about a woman's body helps. :smthumbup:


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## summerhouse37 (Nov 30, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

This is my first time here and first time posting so I do hope that I am doing it correctly. My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it. I tried to assist her one time and she went off on me and asked me what I was doing? This has effected our sex life in that the only time we have sex is if it is scheduled.... She does this all night long and has some very intense orgasms, while we virtually have no sex. I am at a loss and do not know what to do? If I should confront her?? I have asked her if she is cheating in the past and she says she is not and that she is loyal to me and our marriage. I have asked if she would like to spice things up, and she still says that she has lost her libido which is hard to believe since she does this on a nightly basis. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences?


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



waiwera said:


> .. nothing replaces H and as I woman I could have 30 orgasms a day if I felt like it... :yay::yay::yay:
> 
> I am woman... hear me roar!


*
30 ORGASMS!!! HOLY COW!!!!!*

What is wrong with me that after one orgasm I feel so super sensitive and I can barely be touched? Does some time pass between orgasms? How many minutes? Or is it one right after another? Are they all good? How in the world can your body do this? What can I do to experience multiple orgasms? (i think that might be another thread).


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



summerhouse37 said:


> This is my first time here and first time posting so I do hope that I am doing it correctly.


You might want to try starting your own thread, rather than replying to one that's been inactive for a couple months.



summerhouse37 said:


> My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it.


THAT is weird. :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:

If she isn't aware of this, she isn't going to believe you if you tell her. Maybe record her and play it back to her. "Confronting" her isn't the right word - why would you do that? TALK to her.

Sounds to me like she hasn't lost her libido, she's just chased it underground.

As for why she won't have sex with you - that should be addressed by a counselor. Sexless marriages SUCK - just do some reading around here about it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



IslandGirl3 said:


> *
> 30 ORGASMS!!! HOLY COW!!!!!*
> 
> What is wrong with me that after one orgasm I feel so super sensitive and I can barely be touched? Does some time pass between orgasms? How many minutes? Or is it one right after another? Are they all good? How in the world can your body do this? What can I do to experience multiple orgasms? (i think that might be another thread).


I find that clitoral orgasms make me so super sensitive that I can't stand being touched for a little while, whereas vaginal ones can happen one right on top of another.


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## summerhouse37 (Nov 30, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

sorry for posting on this old post....will start a new thread


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

I believe like every system in the body the more you use it the stronger it becomes. 

With physical exercise for example, immediately after a hard work out you may be kind of "weak". Exercise regularly though and you will become stronger. 

Same with sex.


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## summerhouse37 (Nov 30, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

I will have to see what happens tonight.....last night my wife let me rub on her ass and she was masturbating on her side so we will have to see. And then this morning right before I was about to get up at 5am she was pleasuring herself again, so I thought I would see if she would let me join in and she was having no parts of that... it is all very weird if you ask me


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



summerhouse37 said:


> I will have to see what happens tonight.....last night my wife let me rub on her ass and she was masturbating on her side so we will have to see. And then this morning right before I was about to get up at 5am she was pleasuring herself again, so I thought I would see if she would let me join in and she was having no parts of that... it is all very weird if you ask me


No, it's not weird at all. She's just not into you.

C


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## PEACEMAKER89 (Dec 3, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

Only time I have a orgasm is when I'm Masturbating..Every blue moon I might get a orgasm having sex, 90% of the time I'm faking ,so I have to find ways to please myself.My husband feels that since his a good provider and I don't want for anything thats enough,but guess what ,all the money in the world doesn't make a woman happy when we first met the sex was ok,but now it sucks after 6mths of marriage....My mom has been married for 8yrs and has only had sex with her husband twice.and thats when they first met. How she do it lots of prayer ,so talk to him and let him know how you feel.“tell your mate the positive,and tell God the negative.” Take your concerns to God.Faithfully lift up your husband in prayer every day, and you will likely notice a transformation not only in him, but in yourself, as well.
GOOD LUCK


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## allworx (Dec 7, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*

Ok so I hadn't had sex or masturbated in over 2 years... and was losing my husband so I started slowly making myself touch myself... I was always taught this is bad and have had a hard time getting past that thought, anyway doing it myself wasn't working so I bought a hitchai magic wand and wow I know find the more I use it the more I want my husband to the point that Friday night after 2 years and 3 months of no sex (me holding out) I rolled over and and just started creasing him and then next thing I know I'm giving him a bj then we had mind blowing sex (guess 2 years of nothing will do that) Now I have no clue how to bring my wand into it.. I think he'd be all for it but I'm embarrassed. Dry spell is over, and now I seem to want it every night.... I guess that use it or lose it is true!


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



allworx said:


> Ok so I hadn't had sex or masturbated in over 2 years... and was losing my husband so I started slowly making myself touch myself... I was always taught this is bad and have had a hard time getting past that thought, anyway doing it myself wasn't working so I bought a hitchai magic wand and wow I know find the more I use it the more I want my husband to the point that Friday night after 2 years and 3 months of no sex (me holding out) I rolled over and and just started creasing him and then next thing I know I'm giving him a bj then we had mind blowing sex (guess 2 years of nothing will do that) Now I have no clue how to bring my wand into it.. I think he'd be all for it but I'm embarrassed. Dry spell is over, and now I seem to want it every night.... I guess that use it or lose it is true!



He won't mind, it will take both of you fun places


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I read something some where, that the more a woman orgasms the less time it takes to reach one each time, but if you don't orgasm very often then it will take much longer to achieve. I will see if i can find the info


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## 33N 96W (Aug 25, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



> ...So if your wife gave the pool boy a blow job or even a hand job...you wouldn't consider that to be sex/sexual relations.


I would wonder, 
"Why did I hire a pool boy? :scratchhead: We don't have a pool! :slap:"


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



33N 96W said:


> I would wonder,
> "Why did I hire a pool boy? :scratchhead: We don't have a pool! :slap:"


:lol: :rofl:

I gotta say that when my STBXH wouldn't have sex for months I started masturbating and bought some vibrators and a dildo and it worked so well that when he did decide he wanted to have sex again I wasn't interested. He couldn't compete with the toys. The toys are MUCH better. and I don't have to listen to him whine about how long I'm taking. 

PLUS, I don't take long at all with the toys so what does that say about HIM? 

Now I'm divorcing him and have great sex "on my own". I do wonder how it would go if I got into a relationship with someone else in the future but I'm not going to worry about it right now.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

karma*girl said:


> Okay, I know this might be more of a 'sex in marriage' thread, but I want to ask the ladies in particular if you have any experience or advice on this.
> Has anyone cut back on pleasuring themselves, (alone,) only to find that as a result, orgasms during sex, take longer to reach?
> I'm so confused because I thought NOT having orgasms between sex with my h would increase the intensity & would ramp up the time it took for me to come with him.
> I'm finding it to be the opposite- it's taking me longer than usual to finish..
> ...


 Absolutely not. I find the more I pleasure myself the less time it takes me to orgasm during sex. the longer I go the longer it takes. You would think it would be the opposite.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

This thread is killing me. 17 years and my wife has had 4 O's with me, 3 in the last year after she 'came out' and told me the 'truth'. Assuming everyone isn't lying, sounds like W's are cumming all the time with H's. I know my wife masturbates daily I assumed that was too easy for her and why it was too hard to come with me. I keep looking at the bright side which is we have sex a lot compared to a lot of friends we know who never do it. I guess my point is sounds like u r happy regardless of how u get there?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RayRay88 (Dec 5, 2012)

Guess everyone is different. I have heard both but personally it doesn't make a difference for me. It's usually the same result during sex- no orgasm  though my husband doesn't last long enough to give me a chance to get off and he doesn't finish me off either lol I always end up doing it myself anyway. Besides I know what I like


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Do u finish right then and there, or later?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

RayRay88 said:


> Guess everyone is different. I have heard both but personally it doesn't make a difference for me. It's usually the same result during sex- no orgasm  though my husband doesn't last long enough to give me a chance to get off and he doesn't finish me off either lol I always end up doing it myself anyway. Besides I know what I like


So we had a quickie in the shower and after I left to get dressed I came back to get my car keys, I stopped though because I could hear the unmistakable sounds of self gratification. I wanted to go in but I walked away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunshine1234 (Aug 20, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



waiwera said:


> To increase orgasm sensations/strength you need to increase the strength and tone in your pelvic floor muscles.
> 
> Do kegals and get some ben wa balls and work them!
> 
> ...


Oh my goodness.... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

*Re: Masturbation & sex*



Freak On a Leash said:


> PLUS, I don't take long at all with the toys so what does that say about HIM?


Ok, I'll take a shot - it says that there isn't room for two D cells in his d*ck?

I mean is that really a fair comparison?


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

David B said:


> Who ever said you can not stimulate yourself while having sex? A partner who rubs herself while being penetrated happens to be a turn on.


I agree very much. There's nothing sexier than to look down to see my Mrs rubbing herself feverously to obtain that orgasm as we make love !!!! The entire scene of her actually masturbating and the look on her face of pure pleasure often is enough to get me off ..... quiickly  !!!


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

004]Okay, I know this might be more of a 'sex in marriage' thread, but I want to ask the ladies in opp positeparticular if you have any experience or advice on this.
Has anyone cut back on pleasuring themselves, (alone,) only to find that as a result, orgasms during sex, take longer to reach?
I'm so confused because I thought NOT having orgasms between sex with my h would increase the intensity & would ramp up the time it took for me to come with him.
I'm finding it to be the opposite- it's taking me longer than usual to finish..
Guys- feel free to chime in- just looking for some helpful info! Thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]

No I haven't found not masterbating between having sex to make it more intence. Actually just the opposite, my secound and third orgasm are always my more intense ones. The more often I "O" the more intense. I find masterbating also helps releave sexual tension between us, due to me being HD and him not as much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> Okay, I know this might be more of a 'sex in marriage' thread, but I want to ask the ladies in particular if you have any experience or advice on this.
> Has anyone cut back on pleasuring themselves, (alone,) only to find that as a result, orgasms during sex, take longer to reach?
> I'm so confused because I thought NOT having orgasms between sex with my h would increase the intensity & would ramp up the time it took for me to come with him.
> I'm finding it to be the opposite- it's taking me longer than usual to finish..
> ...


I am a guy and would simply say to give yourself two weeks to see which you like better. First week, don't masturbate at all. Second week, masturbate whenever you feel so inclined. At the end of each week see whether you take longer to finish, evaluate the quality of the sex, etc.


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