# Can I ever let her go or forgive her?



## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

I married my wife when she was 19 and I was 22. We basically eloped she thought it would help me stay in the country. I’m from Romania.

I eventually got deported from the states and she came with me to Europe. We did onlyfans together and sometimes with other girls.

I was the first and only guy she ever slept with. She expressed to me over the years it was unfair that I ****ed other women but she never was permitted to try another guy.
After 12 years of marriage she left me for another man.

I was always the alpha leader in our relationship and never thought she would leave me. She’s very materialistic and superficial whereas I am more of a free spirit.

I know she got it in her head she could do better and I think she did.
Her reasons for leaving me according to her is that I’m a disrespectful, abusive cheater who uses her for money. This isn’t entirely untrue.

I supported her for over a decade through her mental illness and life events. I was working tirelessly to build our business and investments.

In her mind she had completely devalued me while raising her own self worth and ego to unrealistic proportions.

I believe we are not meant for each other.
I know I can re-attract her because I’ve been improving myself and already changed in a short time.

Some days I feel like I can let her go and live my own life. Other days it’s hard.

All day long I think about her and our relationship.

At the moment I’m obsessing over whether I could forgive her for abandoning me and leaving me to fend for myself while she explores her sexuality and dates another guy.

If you had asked me a few months ago whether I could forgive that behavior I would not even entertain the thought. My beautiful soul mate was Not capable of such a thing but obviously I would not forgive.

Knowing logically she made the correct decision to leave me for a better man makes me reconsider forgiveness.

I hate myself for wrapping my self worth into a woman’s opinion of me.

Im wondering if she completely cut me out of her mind or if she still thinks fondly of our shared life.


I’ve developed a cigarette habit from the stress of separation. Im disappointed in myself It’s been almost three months and I’m still not over it.
How do I move on? If her rebound relationship doesn’t work out and she wanted to reconcile could I forgive her? Could you if you were in my shoes? I’ve already forgiven myself for all the things I’ve done to her. Do you think she feels regret for leaving me for another man?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

GeraldEdmunds said:


> Without her I have no income and she also took all the crypto I spent years purchasing and sold everything because she found out a few more times I had cheated that I wasn’t honest about.


For starters, try getting a job.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

What did you think was going to happen???


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

So you pimped out a virgin. You cheated on her. She left and found a 'better' guy which face it wouldn't be hard. and by the way Alphas wouldn't porn her up. They protect their women. Sounds like you are just a user and abuser and a cheat.

I doubt you can attract her unless she has horrible self esteem. Just because you have improved yourself by picking up a smoking habit doesn't mean that she doesn't now with reflection see just how horrible this relationship was.

Once someone like her gains distance they are usually horrified they ever allowed themselves to be treated that way.
So unless this was only a week ago she won't be falling for you. Which is good because now that she has left you and 'cheated' on you, you shouldn't want her.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Interesting.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I don't know her, but I am super excited for her. You basically robbed the cradle, pimped her out, cheated on her multiple times, took her out of the country away from her family, and destroyed her youth that she should be having the time of her life.

I sincerely hope that she took everything and has enough to start her life. I also hope she is able to rebuild with her family. But for you, try getting a job as your meal ticket broke the leash.


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

VladDracul said:


> For starters, try getting a job.


I’m currently trying to start a YouTube channel. But my main source of income is Amazon drop shipping so I’m doing more of that. Gonna fix my personal issues first and then really focus on business.


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> So you pimped out a virgin. You cheated on her. She left and found a 'better' guy which face it wouldn't be hard. and by the way Alphas wouldn't porn her up. They protect their women. Sounds like you are just a user and abuser and a cheat.
> 
> I doubt you can attract her unless she has horrible self esteem. Just because you have improved yourself by picking up a smoking habit doesn't mean that she doesn't now with reflection see just how horrible this relationship was.
> 
> ...


I can see how from an outside perspective based on what I’ve written you would think that. However it’d more nuanced. Difficult to sum up 12 years in a few paragraphs.

I understand your personal morality is against making adult content however we were traditional in every other aspect of our marriage besides our business.

I’ve improved myself by letting go of my ego and not trying to justify or sugar coat my flaws and mistakes. Also I’ve been hitting the gym, meditating, reading and pursuing hobbies. The smoking thing is really at odds with everything else I’m doing but I need something to cope with the late night panic attacks.

She does have low self esteem I believe and I also agree I shouldn’t want her back. But I haven’t been able to let go. I’m still trying to every day.


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I don't know her, but I am super excited for her. You basically robbed the cradle, pimped her out, cheated on her multiple times, took her out of the country away from her family, and destroyed her youth that she should be having the time of her life.
> 
> I sincerely hope that she took everything and has enough to start her life. I also hope she is able to rebuild with her family. But for you, try getting a job as your meal ticket broke the leash.


To be fair I would say she had a very fun and exciting youth with me. There’s a reason she stayed with me for so long. Her family is originally from Europe as well and because she was living here she was able to spend time with her Grandmother who passed.

Yeah that’s the silver lining in all this. I’m finally forced to be my own man and make my own money by myself. Obviously a positive development for my life. It doesn’t diminish the emotional pain though.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GeraldEdmunds said:


> I can see how from an outside perspective based on what I’ve written you would think that. However it’d more nuanced. Difficult to sum up 12 years in a few paragraphs.
> 
> I understand your personal morality is against making adult content however we were traditional in every other aspect of our marriage besides our business.
> 
> ...


It wasnt traditional if you cheated several times.


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> It wasnt traditional if you cheated several times.


True. But to play devils advocate I only had one time physical interactions/ one night stands, never an actual affair. She is intimate with this new man if they are taking vacations together. That’s what makes it feel like she’s the cheater. I know it doesn’t make sense but it’s how it feels.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Give up smoking. 

Sundance Film Festival? Interesting, a family member used to help run a part of that some years ago. 

Presumably you'll be a part of the 2023 festival?

Hopefully the US Immigration people will not still be after you?

Setting up a YouTube channel isn't easy as it's impossible for new channels to be monitised very easily after YouTube changed the criteria.

You seem to have messed things up. Hopefully you can get it together again one way or another.


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> Give up smoking.
> 
> Sundance Film Festival? Interesting, a family member used to help run a part of that some years ago.
> 
> ...


Yeah I really should. It’s pretty gross.

I’m thinking to build an audience and sell them ebooks and courses. I want to make content about getting over break ups and self improvement.

I truly had the most amazing life. And it was probably due in large part to my wife whom I pushed away. Right into another man’s arms. But there’s no point living in regret. I have to use this traumatic event to trigger a change in myself. All this happened because of my laziness and unwillingness to really take charge of my life and realize my potential.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

GeraldEdmunds said:


> True. But to play devils advocate I only had one time physical interactions/ one night stands, never an actual affair. She is intimate with this new man if they are taking vacations together. That’s what makes it feel like she’s the cheater. I know it doesn’t make sense but it’s how it feels.


What the actual **** ? You are cheating. Don’t play ignorant


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You, the casual ****er, are the cheater. She should leave and good luck to her. You did this


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

GeraldEdmunds said:


> True. But to play devils advocate I only had one time physical interactions/ one night stands, never an actual affair. She is intimate with this new man if they are taking vacations together. That’s what makes it feel like she’s the cheater. I know it doesn’t make sense but it’s how it feels.


Oh wow and one night stands makes it all ok, and you are not the cheater? Seriously, you have major issues with what is right and wrong. Do you actually hear yourself? She is currently having one night stands, only it's with the same guy for 3 months, it's all ok, right? Less chance of STDs. She has moved on, you need to do the same thing. You need to work on yourself and let this poor girl go. You sound like you have a measure character flaws that any woman would run a mile from. She made a lucky escape.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

GeraldEdmunds said:


> Yeah I really should. It’s pretty gross.
> 
> I’m thinking to build an audience and sell them ebooks and courses. I want to make content about getting over break ups and self improvement.
> 
> I truly had the most amazing life. And it was probably due in large part to my wife whom I pushed away. Right into another man’s arms. But there’s no point living in regret. I have to use this traumatic event to trigger a change in myself. All this happened because of my laziness and unwillingness to really take charge of my life and realize my potential.


At last a glimmer of some self reflection


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

aine said:


> Oh wow and one night stands makes it all ok, and you are not the cheater? Seriously, you have major issues with what is right and wrong. Do you actually hear yourself? She is currently having one night stands, only it's with the same guy for 3 months, it's all ok, right? Less chance of STDs. She has moved on, you need to do the same thing. You need to work on yourself and let this poor girl go. You sound like you have a measure character flaws that any woman would run a mile from. She made a lucky escape.


I agree. I need to let her go and work on myself. Learn to love myself and be okay on my own without a partner. My self worth was completely tied up with another person which is very unhealthy. When I level up and detach from her I will be in a better position to decide if I want to reconcile or be with someone new. Assuming she would want that which I think is quite likely. At the moment I’m still not in a position to make a clearheaded decision either way.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Honestly you just sound like an idiot. You need to go get a paying job and make some money instead of being a broke unemployed loser who thinks buying Bitcoin is investing, OnlyFans is a job, and wants to start a YouTube channel about relationships when he can’t maintain one. You sound like a total fake. You are the type of douche that uses phrases like “serial entrepreneur”, “hustling”, and “I’m so alpha”.

Edit: I wish people would stop conflating alpha with being a narcissist who is a jerk and manipulates women. Also how could I have missed the “I make money doing Amazon drop shipping”. Give me a break. You sound like a con artist. You probably are a smooth talker and that’s why you’ve had success getting women to sleep with you. Even your posts here sound like the words of someone who read a few self help books and can say the right words but jas absolutely zero deep understanding of himself or what you even read.


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Honestly you just sound like an idiot. You need to go get a paying job and make some money instead of being a broke unemployed loser who thinks buying Bitcoin is investing, OnlyFans is a job, and wants to start a YouTube channel about relationships when he can’t maintain one. You sound like a total fake. You are the type of douche that uses phrases like “serial entrepreneur”, “hustling”, and “I’m so alpha”.
> 
> Edit: I wish people would stop conflating alpha with being a narcissist who is a jerk and manipulates women. Also how could I have missed the “I make money doing Amazon drop shipping”. Give me a break. You sound like a con artist. You probably are a smooth talker and that’s why you’ve had success getting women to sleep with you. Even your posts here sound like the words of someone who read a few self help books and can say the right words but jas absolutely zero deep understanding of himself or what you even read.


It’s amazing how you can have so much insight into a person you’ve never met or talked to. You’re special.

I maintained a relationship for 12 years so I think that gives me a decent amount of experience on the topic.

Most of my millionaire friends made their money with Bitcoin so it’s odd that you don’t consider it a good investment.

My wife and I were clearing $25K a month average with Onlyfans why would I ever get a job when I can just find a new business partner? Doesn’t make much sense. But since you have such poor logic I feel confident knowing your judgements are probably the opposite of the truth. Which makes me feel better about myself so thank you for that.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

GeraldEdmunds said:


> It’s amazing how you can have so much insight into a person you’ve never met or talked to. You’re special.
> 
> I maintained a relationship for 12 years so I think that gives me a decent amount of experience on the topic.
> 
> ...


Well thank you for the compliments, I do think I’m pretty special.

Wow, you held a relationship together for 12 years while repeatedly cheating on her. I think you are qualified to be on staff at the Gottmann Institute with that resume.

Give your “millionaire” friends a few more years (hell, months at this rate) and see how well that worked out for them.

My wife and I make well more than $25,000 a month but we work pretty hard for it. The flip side though is we don’t have to ever worry about our kids, their classmates, or a future employer finding video of us ****ing on the internet. That allows us to have jobs like doctors and lawyers that people actually respect.

You keep being an unemployed Amazon drop shipper and I’ll keep assessing your character with pinpoint accuracy.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You are not going to be a doctor or lawyer. Get real. You made a Freudian slip “ I don’t think we were meant for each other” all the while saying how much you need her. Hopefully she never looks back, she should be asked to forgive you. She did nothing wrong but be with a creep.


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Well thank you for the compliments, I do think I’m pretty special.
> 
> Wow, you held a relationship together for 12 years while repeatedly cheating on her. I think you are qualified to be on staff at the Gottmann Institute with that resume.
> 
> ...


Why is it so important to you to have a job that other people respect?


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## GeraldEdmunds (8 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> You are not going to be a doctor or lawyer. Get real. You made a Freudian slip “ I don’t think we were meant for each other” all the while saying how much you need her. Hopefully she never looks back, she should be asked to forgive you. She did nothing wrong but be with a creep.


I never wanted to be a doctor or lawyer. I always wanted to do what I feel like doing and think for myself.

I can feel needy while logically understanding we weren’t meant for each other. They’re not mutually exclusive.


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