# Angry Inside



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

After trying to get my point across about my "Needs," I am sick of trying. I am so angry that I am building hate inside.

I cant stand his touch, him looking at me, him saying he "loves me", when it is clear that the words are being overused and that there is no action behind them.

I have poured so much of my heart out that it has done me no good.
When you tell your partner what you need, you expect results. I get NOTHING! 
WHY?! Do I mean absolutely nothing to him that he only communicates how he wants sex and that's it? I am so disgusted. 

I haven't said I love him in over a week just to get my point across how tired I am of being hurt. I mentioned how i wanted to the feel the love i use to have for him, again. I get a "Why are you upset? Because you don't love me anymore?" Really? How stupid. I thought maybe that would light his brain up and say something. NOPE!!! IS this a effing joke? I even told him that i cant stand the thought of him touching me anymore and he also, said NOTHING. 

I cant learn to forgive him for all the trust broken, and hurt he has caused me. 

I mentioned how i didn't want to be lead into believing there was something for me to look forward to if there wasn't. NO answer.

COWARD! Such a coward that he cant even speak to me. He cant share his thoughts or feelings of anything because that's exactly what he is.

Noone who says they LOVE someone, treats them like this and leaves them to wonder. 

I hate him right now.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What have you told him that he can do to meet your emotional needs?


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Communicate with me!!! Talk. Talk. Talk.
Quit laughing at me when I share my feelings. He mocks me.
Nothing I can say to him, does he take seriously. 

He doesn't talk.

It is ridiculous. I feel like I am begging.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bkaydezz said:


> Communicate with me!!! Talk. Talk. Talk.
> Quit laughing at me when I share my feelings. He mocks me.
> Nothing I can say to him, does he take seriously.
> 
> ...


So let's say at night you sit with him, glass of wine and something good to much on.

What happens? Do you two talk? If so what's the topic?


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Nope.

No conversation. 
Its boring. 

We don't sleep together mon- fri because he works second shift and I work first. so we sleep in separate beds all week too.
Not to mention when we do sleep together, he snores so loudly that I cant even rest.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bkaydezz said:


> We don't sleep together mon- fri because he works second shift and I work first. so we sleep in separate beds all week too. Not to mention when we do sleep together, he snores so loudly that I cant even rest.


_Insist that he be tested for sleep apnea._

Do the two of you work for the same employer?



bkaydezz said:


> I cant learn to forgive him for all the trust broken, and hurt he has caused me.


In what ways has he broken your trust?

Sorry, I'm not familiar w/ any of your other threads.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bkaydezz said:


> Nope.
> 
> No conversation.
> Its boring.
> ...


If he is snoring that loudly he probably has sleep apnea. It's a serious health risk. He needs to see a doctor and get a sleep study. Then he needs to get the equipment needed to so that he is not snoring and he gets real sleep.

People with sleep apnea do not really get sleep. They look like they are sleeping but they are not. They go through life seriously sleep deprived. This alone could be causing him to have issues with the way he interact with you and everyone else.

Get him to a doctor. If he won't go to a doctor then it's one more sign that he had no intention of fixing things.

In the scenario I gave with the wine, etc... do you talk to him? Do you ask him things that he has to reply to that would draw him out? If does he just not reply?


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

How does not telling him you love him for the past week equate to finding validation of your feelings?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> If he is snoring that loudly he probably has sleep apnea. It's a serious health risk. He needs to see a doctor and get a sleep study. Then he needs to get the equipment needed to so that he is not snoring and he gets real sleep.
> 
> People with sleep apnea do not really get sleep. They look like they are sleeping but they are not. They go through life seriously sleep deprived. This alone could be causing him to have issues with the way he interact with you and everyone else.
> 
> Get him to a doctor. If he won't go to a doctor then it's one more sign that he had no intention of fixing things.


:iagree:

^This is *very*, *Very*, *VERY* important. I speak from experience.


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Revamped said:


> How does not telling him you love him for the past week equate to finding validation of your feelings?


How about...did he even give a shet that I hadn't said it?.That's the better question.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

What's Love got to do with it?


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> If he is snoring that loudly he probably has sleep apnea. It's a serious health risk. He needs to see a doctor and get a sleep study. Then he needs to get the equipment needed to so that he is not snoring and he gets real sleep.
> 
> People with sleep apnea do not really get sleep. They look like they are sleeping but they are not. They go through life seriously sleep deprived. This alone could be causing him to have issues with the way he interact with you and everyone else.
> 
> ...


We use to watch movies and rub each other's feet all the time. It was our little thing. Which has now become gone.
One because I don't want that. I feel like that was something we really did out of love together.Now, I don't even want that.
He hasn't mentioned Anything of it either.

Also, we rarely ever drink. I couldn't tell you what thAt would be like.

I have already mentioned that he may want to have it checked out. What he does to take care of himself is on him.
I get tired of expressing my thoughts on serious matters. 
It doesn't seem to make a difference. Hes done nothing for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Revamped said:


> What's Love got to do with it?


?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> :iagree:
> 
> ^This is *very*, *Very*, *VERY* important. I speak from experience.


I have thought that has had this. 
His family had also mentioned to him about seeing a doctor to find out for sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A man who cannot spend time with you does not love you...no matter what he says. Actions speak louder than words. All he wants you for now is sex.

Ok, so you've tried everything. You've tried to talk to him. Why are you staying?


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> A man who cannot spend time with you does not love you...no matter what he says. Actions speak louder than words. All he wants you for now is sex.
> 
> Ok, so you've tried everything. You've tried to talk to him. Why are you staying?


I guess out of hope...
Because I'm stubborn and I want to think there is a way around it. 

I remember how I felt when I moved out last year. I was physically sick.i had so much anxiety 
I didn't understand why.
Everyday I was away from him all I wanted was to be with him. 

Sounds crazy right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bkaydezz said:


> I guess out of hope...
> Because I'm stubborn and I want to think there is a way around it.
> 
> I remember how I felt when I moved out last year. I was physically sick.i had so much anxiety
> ...


Yes it does sound crazy. What you had is normal for separating. You apparently did not give yourself time to get over it and heal.

You left and came back. You have proven to him that you will put up with being ignored and mistreated for the crumbs he throws at you. He has no reason to change.

Always believe a man's actions if his actions do not match his words. 

You either need to accept this and find a way to be happy or you need to leave.

No one can help you until you move out.


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Thank you Elegirl.

I don't know what to do. 
I am flustered and full of emotions right now.

I just want it to be easy. To have someone to talk to. 
I am envious of women who have a men that communicate with them.

BUT! I will suck it up and move foreward. What else can I really do..


----------



## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

I'm just curious about this really, but was your husband like this when you met him or has he changed? I really don't think that men change that much. He doesn't communicate at all? Boring!

I can see where you wouldn't be happy. Elegirl is right. You need to leave him. You mentioned not having anyone to talk to. You don't have family or friends to lean on. You will have to be strong to be able to survive being alone. It's hard, but you can do it.


----------



## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

inquizitivemind said:


> I'm just curious about this really, but was your husband like this when you met him or has he changed? I really don't think that men change that much. He doesn't communicate at all? Boring!
> 
> I can see where you wouldn't be happy. Elegirl is right. You need to leave him. You mentioned not having anyone to talk to. You don't have family or friends to lean on. You will have to be strong to be able to survive being alone. It's hard, but you can do it.



What's with all the "leave him" advice? I thought this was a pro marriage forum, which means that we offer advice and insight and support for how to stay married. I've read way too much lately of the "throw in the towel quickly" nonsense.

Why don't we encourage OP to seek MC with her husband. that seems the more immediate and practical solution given that we don't have a lot of detail as to the issues in this relationship.

As you mentioned above, men don't typically change a lot so what has changed here? Is it his behavior or her expectations? At any rate some counseling appears to be a good place to start.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

BKD, try telling him that the two of you are going to counseling, or you are ending things. And mean it. If you leave this time, you cannot go crawling back, which is exactly what he expects you will do. If he refuses the counseling, then you have your answer.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Continuing to hope things will magically change will get you nowhere. You could waste the rest of your life that way. Make a plan -- whatever it happens to be -- and execute it.


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

If he works 2nd shift and you first, you almost never see each other. 2nd shift is hard on the human body, from what I have read. Add sleep apnea, and I think you H is just worn down all the time and you never can spend quality time together due to work schedules and his lack of good sleep.


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

bkaydezz said:


> Thank you Elegirl.
> 
> I don't know what to do.
> I am flustered and full of emotions right now.
> ...


After 22 posts about various subjects, most pertaining to your husband, I do have to wonder why Hope is your main focus.

It's like some Magic pill or solution will just land in your lap. You need a friend. Maybe it's your husband. Maybe you need a better hobby. Maybe you need a good romp in the hay. 

Only YOU can prevent forest fires.

What is it, exactly, that you want? Is it something within your control or somebody else's? If it's yours to take, well, grab on with both hands and take that ride.

Or else, you'll always be wondering if it's you or them. Rule out known causes and go from there.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mostlycontent said:


> What's with all the "leave him" advice? I thought this was a pro marriage forum, which means that we offer advice and insight and support for how to stay married. I've read way too much lately of the "throw in the towel quickly" nonsense.
> 
> Why don't we encourage OP to seek MC with her husband. that seems the more immediate and practical solution given that we don't have a lot of detail as to the issues in this relationship.
> 
> As you mentioned above, men don't typically change a lot so what has changed here? Is it his behavior or her expectations? At any rate some counseling appears to be a good place to start.




bkaydezz has been here since early 2012. She is not married.

We are very aware of her situation. She's with an emotionally abusive man who will not work to fix the relationship. At some point a person has to save themselves.


This is not a forum for stay in a bad marriage no matter what. Most of the people who come here have marriages that in very bad shape. A lot can never be repaired. At some point it takes 2 people to fix the marriage.


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Revamped said:


> After 22 posts about various subjects, most pertaining to your husband, I do have to wonder why Hope is your main focus.
> 
> It's like some Magic pill or solution will just land in your lap. You need a friend. Maybe it's your husband. Maybe you need a better hobby. Maybe you need a good romp in the hay.
> 
> ...


 That was a little harsh 

I am looking for a solution yes. Obviously?

I am human. I have the same feelings inside me as do most others.
There are far worse relationships that have worked out because both partners did NOT GIVE UP!

That is what I am striving for. Although, my emotions get the best of me sometimes and I want to give up.

Sorry if that isn't normal to you, or if that doesn't fit your idea after 22 of my posts. All of which aren't about my relationship and have a lot of fun in them also.

Have a great day!


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Openminded said:


> Continuing to hope things will magically change will get you nowhere. You could waste the rest of your life that way. Make a plan -- whatever it happens to be -- and execute it.


Thank you. 

That is what I am thinking of mostly, is will the rest of my life be like this.. But then the positive side says there is always room for improvement and that it is possible. Everything takes time either way right?


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

So, I had a slight breakthrough! 

He finally told me that part of the reasoning for not sharing his emotions is because he feels like a failure and that when things get bad he doesn't know what to do.

So I guess that is part of the passive aggressiveness.

I am relieved to know that is a reason for some of the behavior and non-communication. I just wish I would have known that earlier.
You would think it wouldn't be so hard for someone to say something that sounds so simple.
I just want openness. 
Also, he said that he wants us to be good companions and lovers. So that was also nice to know.

Now, maybe just a little more time to see if we can get through some more emotions and get to a place were he shares more and I share more and we both understand...


ALSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

HE went to the doctor today for the sleep issue.
The doctor is going to get him a machine to monitor his sleep. 
He said it sounds like sleep apnea. 

SO ANOTHER breakthrough. 

Many may not be excited to read this. But I am excited to post it.
I think it is good progression forward, not backwards!!

Wooh hoo!


----------



## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> After trying to get my point across about my "Needs," I am sick of trying. I am so angry that I am building hate inside.
> 
> I cant stand his touch, him looking at me, him saying he "loves me", when it is clear that the words are being overused and that there is no action behind them.
> 
> ...



Holy crap are we married to the same man? I am having the EXACT problem and I get the same reactions when I say EXACTLY what you say to your husband. That is why I love this site. We are NOT alone even when we feel so empty.

When you wrote that watching TV together is considered QUALITY time I almost choked on my water! The anger is overwhelming isn't it? The resentment and hatred are always smoldering beneath the surface and one tiny thing can set us off and they act surprised. WHAT'S WRONG HONEY? Oh, nothing much darling. You haven't touched me in four years, you never hug me, you are addicted to booze and TV, and I am all alone.

I am where you are. The thought of letting him touch me sexually NOW is frightening. I even watch porn sometimes just so I can concentrate on the man's face or hear his groans, remembering when my husband wanted me that bad, when he looked at me like that. The old close up sac bang from behind camera angle turns my stomach but that is what fast forward is for! 

I cannot give you advice, I am just jumping in OUR boat of loneliness and hatred. We both know in our hearts what we need to do. We just need to work up to it.


----------



## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> So, I had a slight breakthrough!
> 
> He finally told me that part of the reasoning for not sharing his emotions is because he feels like a failure and that when things get bad he doesn't know what to do.
> 
> ...


I should have read this thread to the end. I just jumped into your boat and you are jumping out! I got splashed in the face!!! :rofl:

Seriously, I am happy to hear there is some promise there. I'll just be floating downstream getting some sun and having a few cold beers. Maybe I will flash some traffic helicopters or other boaters. :smthumbup:


----------

