# Infidelity, quitting zoloft and emotional low



## dontworrybehappy (Apr 17, 2018)

Hi everyone,

I have posted here prior.. but I am at a very low point and need advise on if I need more help professionally. I apologize I don’t have the best grammar so bare with me. This all takes play 10 years ago me and my husband were mid 20’s young, dumb and beyond selfish. We have two girls who at the time were very little. We would hang out EVERY weekend with friends and drink a lot. I was introduced through him to this group that he has known from Jr High. They are all really great people. Well I became good friends with his best friends wife. Literally got more caught up in friends then him. 
4. Me and him would fight all the time being young, two babies and paycheck to paycheck. Well his best friend had an affair with a family member and the wife had watched him walk off with her one night at a party and when drunk kissed my husband, I don’t really take in what happened then. But a few months later he kissed her saying if he could do that and was ok with it he would leave me. So they kissed. When I found out I was devastated and began a emotional thing with someone at work. I ended up telling my husband and we have worked through it all and become better with of course waves. I have been off my Zoloft for two months now and 10 years later all of theses emotions are flooding in that I avoided for so long. I have been so low some days I feel like maybe it would be best if I wasn’t here. Relief for him to not be always talking about the past. I can see how it’s affecting our marriage and life. This is how crazy I am two years ago we went to a New Years party with the group of friends and they were there, my husband being so drunk decided when the ball dropped to kiss everyone at the party happy new year. He was kissing all the men and women. Just happy and drunk. I asked if she was one and flipped out. Rational me is like ok even if she was it wasn’t like that it was everyone. Crazy me says how disrespectful you don’t love me how could you be so dumb. Then I get reallly low and lose site of life. Of my children of my husband. I feel just low and need friends and company and good advise. *I love him and my girls and I know it wasn’t like what I believe it was.. and I have decided well I decided after that two years ago I was done hanging out even if they all have mutual friends I was done no more I need to do me and my sanity so we haven’t hung out when they are around.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Hon, no matter what if you are suicidal you should go get your meds checked. Are under the supervision of a clinical Psychiatrist or is it just your General Practitioner? You probably need to be prescribed long term meds and then go off them by someone who knows more about the side effects then your GP. Please get some help with this, no matter what happened in your marriage your girls need you. 

I actually went of Zoloft too, that drug is like zombie land it really keeps you in a state of la la. So it's hard to get used to all the feelings coming back. Please be careful with that, you are under a doctors care right?

You both should go to marriage counseling. Please take care of yourself. It's OK to be sad about this, but maybe it's not insurmountable. Does your husband know how sad you are about all this, what does he say?

OK I read your other posts, you are so sad about this. Has your husband been a good man since then? How are your kids? I want to tell you even if he hasn't that says nothing about you or your worth or anything. Please don't judge yourself on this one thing. It wasn't because she was prettier like your post says or better, it was about something wrong that he did to you. You didn't deserve that to happen to you, to be disrespected like that. 

I am really trying to encourage you here. I found what helped me with dealing with depression after the meds was exercising, it's kind of your bodies natural way of producing endorphins. It will also give you the extra added bonus of helping look in the mirror and feel good about yourself. Can you do that? 

Please stop making your whole worth on this one moment in you life. Your husband was an ******* to do that to you, but even if you were to leave him there are good men out there who would not treat you like that. Or if you stay, your worth is not in your husband but in yourself. 

OK?


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## dontworrybehappy (Apr 17, 2018)

Thank you. I really am trying to get my emotions in check.. sometimes it’s hard I think mostly it’s the withdrawal of Zoloft. I have never felt like this in my life I think that stuff had a hold on me. 

I think that I am becoming home free from the past. And talk with me husband he is 90% sure he didn’t peck her a couple years ago. I think he is scared to say no 💯 because he was so drunk and doesn’t want to be a liar. We have worked so hard. But honestly If he didn’t it’s not divorce worthy. And I am positive he didn’t look at it in any other way then what it was of kissing all his friends happy New Years. So why does it bother me why do I always find something to hold on to? Is that anxiety or depression speaking?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Don’t know, just remember to take it one day at a time. I would suggest you find a therapist to talk with one on one. You need the one on one.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

First keep close contact with your counselor and doctor. It sounds like your brain is working overtime with all the negative emotions you never fully worked through. It's totally normal, your not crazy, you just need to continue to work through it with help. As you indicated, both you and your husband did some silly immature things in the past that will color how you view the present until you sort out all the emotions relating to your past mistakes. If the previous kissing had never happened you probably wouldn't have thought anything of the more recent new years incident. I think your husband needs to give some thought to how drinking affects his actions, it would appear he is not the type of person who can make good decisions when he's drunk, so maybe he needs to take it a bit easier. 

You need to keep talking to him, hopefully he can be understanding and realize you need his support and reassurance. And he needs to be more aware that he needs to make damn sure he doesn't do anything to add any stress or doubt as you get yourself back to a healthy state. 

Good luck. Be Happy


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## dontworrybehappy (Apr 17, 2018)

ABHale said:


> Don’t know, just remember to take it one day at a time. I would suggest you find a therapist to talk with one on one. You need the one on one.


I am the therapist I am seeing is good and she talks me through things And helps me see the reality of it all and helps me understand that he is so greAt now and people are people and sometimes we slip and that yes he slipped but he didn’t fall and yes I slipped but didn’t fall. I try so hard to get my brain not to fall in that direction. But sometimes it gets the best of me.


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## dontworrybehappy (Apr 17, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> First keep close contact with your counselor and doctor. It sounds like your brain is working overtime with all the negative emotions you never fully worked through. It's totally normal, your not crazy, you just need to continue to work through it with help. As you indicated, both you and your husband did some silly immature things in the past that will color how you view the video present until you sort out all the emotions relating to your past mistakes. If the previous kissing had never happened you probably wouldn't have thought anything of the more recent new years incident.
> 
> Without a doubt I wouldn’t have I just would chalk it up with the rest of our friends that it was just that drunk happy friends no big deal. And maybe he thought it was fine cause we are all trying to be friends.. but my brain is so STUPID.
> 
> ...


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Why do so many of these type of posts involve unprotected sex resulting in babies at a time they were ill prepared to have them. The worst part is that after the first, they have another and wonder why they have problems. I am not ragging just on this poster but many posters in general who cannot figure out why they have the problems they do as if they do not recognize the bad choices they made in life.

Now for some good news. I cheated on my wife and we are still married 46 years later. We made it work. There are a few things that you are doing wrong. Never have your partner go out with friends of either sex without you. That is how my ex fiancé and ex girlfriend cheated on me. Alcohol and hormones do not mix well no matter what you promised or thought you could control. the other thing is to dump any friends who are stupid or irresponsible. You only want friends who can lift you up and not bring drama into your life. You want friends who you can aspire to be like, not the kind that are OK with just being mediocre or think it OK to live pay check to pay check. 


Many couples have one spouse who cheats. Some estimates are that 70% of marriages have one partner that cheated. I can believe that knowing so many people who cheated. It does not have to be the end of the world or the worst betrayal in the world. You only feel that way because that is what you were taught to believe and hold sacred. For us, a very occasional fling is not a deal breaker as long as it is an exception and not the rule. In other words we do not go looking for other sex partners but should be find ourselves being genetically attracted to someone and a little drunk, it is not the end of the world because I or my wife had an orgasm with someone else. I do not get upset when she has them with her vibrator. The cheating in your marriage can be as bad as you make it. One thing that gives you a great chance of making it is when the cheater owns up to it 100%. If he tries to put the blame on you or drinking too much, odds are that he will cheat again. We all make mistakes and if we own up to them and admit it was all or our doing, we usually do not repeat those mistakes. After all, who wants to be married to someone who has sex with someone else everything they are unhappy with you.


As for Zoloft. I have been on a different antidepressant (AD) for a long time. You may have to go through many different ADs to find one that works for you but masking your problem is not going to fix it. It may help you to deal with it but it will not change what happened. The trouble with life is that we all get to suffer the consequences of our decisions. There is no magic fix. I could never live with someone that cheated on me which is why I cut my two cheating girlfriends loose despite their desire to make it work. The problem would be that whether they were cheating on me again or not, I would feel the same way. If they came home late from work I would think they were cheating even if they were not. I could not live like that. 

Neither could I trust them again. How do you trust someone who has proven not to be trustworthy? How do you believe someone who is a proven liar? That is not the life for me but I do not have two kids to think about.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I want to say this very simply, do not try and deal with the level of pain you are dealing with without professional help. Your brain is not stupid your brain needs a little rewiring. There's is something going on that needs to be fixed chemicals need to be rebalanced. Suicidal thoughts are not something to deal with alone, so please get any help you need. Don't leave that out with your therapist. 

Here is an interesting thing I heard about suicide. 

When most people die it is because one or more organs failed. If you heart fails you die if you liver fails you die. Well suicide is no different, your brain is an organ and sometimes the brain doesn't work right, the symptoms aren't noticeable like a heart attack because your brain prevents you from realizing how sick it is. So when suicide happens it is the result of a sick organ that needed treatment. 

Don't ever try and deal with suicidal thoughts on your own. Don't feel ashamed or like you're a burden. The pain caused by committing suicide would be a burden for your friends and family, helping you get well is not.

As to all the other stuff with your husbands and the friends etc.


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## dontworrybehappy (Apr 17, 2018)

I will speak with my therapist about it next appointment. I have started cbd oil and have noticed that it is helping! My brain isn’t consistently racing. And that’s amazing for me!!!! Cause my brain right now is my worse enemy she just loves to drag out every bad moment and memory. 

I just want to heal and heal with my husband. We are all human and we all make mistakes.. I was reading that 7 out of 10 marriages fall into something that is considered cheating.. that amazes me seriously 😒 it makes you wonder if it is true? That we are not meant to be monogamous.. it’s just way to common. All that matters though is yes 10 years ago he messed up, but man has he come so far he is so loving and so in love as I am. I think the last couple years IF he did kiss her when he was making his rounds I will forgive he honestly probably thought I was ok and we were all working on being friends again and it would’ve been nothing. I need to stop acting as if they had an affair or slept together. I need to grow and be happy and remember how much he adore me as I do him. 

I really think all of us on this site need to look at ourselves and also say if we all are staying with our spouse that we need to forgive for ourselves. And move on and be happy. 

Of course if they keep hurting by cheating then no by no means deal with that but if they prove they are truly sorry heal and grow from that. Remember that we are all human.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

No Free Lunch with "SOMA"...

https://www.webmd.com/depression/drug-side-effects#1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brave_New_World


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## dontworrybehappy (Apr 17, 2018)

RWB said:


> No Free Lunch with "SOMA"...
> 
> https://www.webmd.com/depression/drug-side-effects#1
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brave_New_World



Crazy! I seriously don’t know how these pills are no illegal. I think more doctors need to learn more about gut health before prescribing this crap.


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## dontworrybehappy (Apr 17, 2018)

I feel sad again today. It’s honestly the worst feeling ever it just its so crippling. I am so sick of not being able to put it all behind me and just be happy with today. My husband is everything I have always asked for in a man. What had happened with us has changed him to someone amazing. 
I would lose it if I lost him. So why? Why am I not happy? Why am I looking always for something that is wrong and not right? Maybe I am hung up on two years ago I dunno. Some talks would be nice today I’d any of you can come just really need a pick me up.


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