# I'm sorry



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I get the impression that some people here have been offended by my confession here http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/25573-am-i-bad-person-now.html and that they may feel I am nothing but a disloyal in a fog. I do apologize for offending anyone. Please know, that I do know how people feel. I am a victim of infedility. I have been in a very bad marriage. I have been cheated on and lied to and abused. I have been there. I have had my guts spilled out on the floor, I have cried and cried and cried. I have wanted to die it hurt so bad, so do not think that I do not know what its like to feel that pain. Maybe I was wrong to confess? Maybe I should have kept it to myself? I don't know. But, it happened and I was open about it. I am still a big supporter of marriages and marriage reconciliation. I strongly support anyone who wants to save their marriage and I would like to continue to add in my 2cents worth on anyone's thread. I would like anyone who disagrees with my choice to please know that I am sorry if I hurt you and I hope you do not think less of me but also know that the marriage was and is over, just not technically legally over, just over in the sense that my stbxh had already left and moved out and he continues to be with his ow, all before I ever came into contact with my friend. I did not do anything inappropriate while "with-with" my husband.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Wow. Don't worry. It is your life. Most people just want you to be careful for your own sake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jones (Sep 15, 2010)

two wrongs don't make a right.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

I don't think you have anything to apologize for, Apple. You just put it out there as part of your ongoing story--what people do with it is up to them. There are a couple strong opinions in that thread, and that's fine; that was the point of you putting it out there in the first place. I think everyone just wants you to take a step back and examine your thoughts, behavior and justifications in accordance with everything you already know and have seen on this forum. And actually I think that's a kind thing done out of concern for you because we all know you've had a rough road.

If anyone really did condemn you over that one thread...who cares?  Your life, babe.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Apple, you shouldn't feel bad for posting a question on the board and getting feedback. That is what this forum is for.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You did NOTHING wrong. People are putting their own value judgements on you based on their own experiences.

They have not been in your unique situation.

If one person has been given umpteen chances to change and put the effort into their marriage, they cheat numerous times and then leave to be with someone else, that to me is not a marriage. It is a marriage on paper only.

I would do exactly what you are doing, but i would have moved on the first time he was unfaithful.

He is the one that didn't value your marriage and you valued it untill you were exhausted by him.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Apple, 

I don't think it is your actions anyone took offense to. It was the reasoning you gave. That justification is the same script many of us have heard. That is what is so painful to hear.

I do believe you should take time for yourself before jumping into a relationship with someone else. I also see the tremendous pull to get close to someone who does respect you and think highly of you. I know how extremely easy it would be to do exactly as you have done. I have to actively guard my feelings in regards to some folks. When you've been treated as badly as we have, you yearn for someone who will treat you right.

However, I also know that a relationship that started any time soon would likely be harmful. I only advise you to take it slow because I advise myself that. I am still trying to reconcile, but it don't look too good at the moment. Even if and when we do get divorced, I know it will be best to be single awhile before considering another relationship. That is not to say that I will be able to do it.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I was not offended. I read over you post....many times and was tempted to say something but decided not to. I don't believe that I would have done that if I was in your shoes....but that does not make me right and you wrong. Its your deal. You know better than all of us about you and your stbxh relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I do wish you luck and hope you can recover and be very happy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Either way it is an affair regardless of how right it is made to be, no better or worse than your husbands. As for the friend, I question his values and respect for you. 

Step back and focus on you, keep a distance between your friend and yourself, you are very vulnerable at the moment and will have to draw on your inner strength to get through this.

Thoughts are with you


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

AD, all the best to you.. take care of yourself.

I was not offended.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

No need to be sorry Hun! I am just worried about you... it's time to discover who Apple is without a MAN! 

I am having a great time spending lots of extra time with my kids, doing things I enjoy, making new friends. I'm perfectly content at this moment with no one. Sure it would be nice occasionally to have someone to talk to other than a 6 year old.. but that will come later....now its time for me


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> . I did not do anything inappropriate while "with-with" my husband.


There are two issues here. 
Marriage as an institution and religious construct. In that case until you are divorced then you are committing adultery even though the marriage is functionally over. Depending on religion of course 

The second one is ethical
Your previous relationship is over
He no longer lives with you
You are very clear about the fact that you are never going back.
You have only found the person since you split up.

I am all for ethics. There is no ehtical dilemma in your case. You have suffered enough. You have found comfort in the arms of another. It feel great. The key here is that your previous relationship is OVER and very publicly over at that.

Just keep your distance a little. It would be easy given how raw you are to fall madly in love.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

Apple,

Have you filed for divorce yet? If so, when is it supposed to be final? What if your husband is served divorce papers and wants to come back? There's no way you can just un-love him so quick when just a week or 2 ago you were cyring your eyes out over him talking on the phone with the OW. Is it really TRULY the end of him? Just wondering.

Eli-zor does have a point, but your situation is unlike that of many. Your husband moved out to be with another woman. I would have screwed an old friend too. Why not? Just because you're not divorced yet doesn't mean you're just as guilty as him; you're nowhere NEAR as guilty as him. According to Eli-zor, you committed adultry by definition, but come on, there has to be a claus in there if your husband is like yours.

I still wouldn't feel bad about it. Unless you REALLY don't love your husband, refuse to reconcile, will never let him come back and have already filed for divorce, what's the big deal then?

I'll say it again, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S GOING TO MARRY THIS GUY! Are you, Apple? Lol.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Apple: What is done is done, move forward set standards for yourself that you would want your children to live by. While you may require comfort be aware your emotions are raw, your hurting and people can and will take advantage of you. Spend your time and effort healing and sorting out your life. Once the divorce is behind you and some time has passed your thoughts will be clearer. After all this you will be on a far better place to make and act on life decisions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Part of the benefits to a forum like this is the ability to share all -- good, bad, or indifferent -- because it is real and the sharing of experiences, emotions, feelings, and actions are all valuable inputs to others.

So I say forget judgments of you (and btw, I don't see anything wrong), you've got nothing to be sorry for here.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

I am one who strongly believes it is still an affair. Also, I think she should hold off getting involved with another man until after the divorce if for no other reason than not to provide her husband with any ammunition he could use in the divorce against her. Could he not say, "well, she's no better than I am, she did the same thing." A good friend of mine just went through a divorce. His wife began an affair after they separated (supposedly). At their mediation, my friend came out like a king. When he showed the judge proof of the affair (his wife thought no one knew), he said things took a 180 turn in his direction. She did not get 50/50 visitation, did not get the home, etc. and the lump sum alimony she requested was reduced by thousands of dollars. I would not jeopardize doing anything that could in any way, even remotely, possibly affect the custody/visitation of my children. Sure, they can say it is going to be an amicable divorce, but no one knows that for sure until the documents are signed.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Just my thought:

None of us are in a position to judge someone else.

We are using this forum for feedback, advice, opinions and to vent.

We all have different circumstances and problems.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

You know what Apple- **** THEM! That is one of the problems that I have noticed about BS's... They apologize for being honest about their feelings. If some don't like what you have to say, then don't pay any mind to them. C'mon, be strong and stand up for what you believe in. No one, and I mean NO ONE can tell a person how to feel after being betrayed in this way. This goes for all the lames out there who think they have moral compass to pass judgement- **** YOU!


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