# Sleepovers in a marriage?



## Mikeroed (Oct 14, 2017)

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. Recently we started having some issues in our marriage, and to top it off her uncle passed away. Whom she was very close with. In the past month, she has been going to her friends house(who is a girl), and spending the night at her house. They aren't going clubbing or hanging out at bars to my knowledge. And my wife doesn't really drink anyways. My question, in your opinions is this acceptable? She's been doing this 1 night every weekend for the last month. Also, why do I have such a problem with it? I just want her to come home at the end of the night. I have no problem with her hanging out with her friend. Even though every weekend might be a little much. Especially since we haven't been seeing each other a ton during the week. I'm hoping this is temporary and it's how she's dealing with the loss of her uncle. Her friend lost her mom a year ago so she can relate in the way. Any opinions would be appreciated.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

IMO, it's acceptable. I can't tell you why you have a problem with it.
I look forward to my wife sleeping over at family. I get a night of "man-cave" 

I can watch my favorite TV shows that she doesn't like. I can eat in the living room. I can have two bowls of popcorn.
I can order take-out chinese or a pepperoni-sausage stromboli.

I'm trying to figure out how I can get her to stay overnight about 5 nights a week


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Woman here, 59 years old, career woman for over 30 years, & 37 years married (first time for the both of us). Your wife should make you her best friend. The time she spends with her best friend is time taken from you. When I married, I still visited with my friends, but those are within time frames. I went home after a few hours of visiting.

Does your wife work? If she isn't working, have her find a job. She has too much time in her hands. By the way, how old are you and your wife?


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Since you have a problem with her staying the night with her friend, it's important to find out why she would rather be with her friend than with you. Is there something she is getting there that she can't (or doesn't think she can) get from you? That would be my question. What can you do to provide for the need that she has? Then do what she tells you. 

Of course you don't want to damage her relationship with her friend, but you feel this is damaging her relationship with you. Marriage should take priority, but you need to work together to resolve problems that come up.


----------



## a_mister (Aug 23, 2017)

Is it acceptable? Sure, it could be.

Is it something you have the right to find unacceptable? Sure. It's one night every weekend when a lot of couples would be bonding and being intimate with one another.

Only you can decide where you're drawing the line on that. The one piece of advice I can definitely offer, though, is to be wary of allowing boundaries to slip just because she's going through something. It feels like the right thing to do, but it will quickly become the new normal and you will have a terrible uphill battle reclaiming the old ways when the grieving/mourning is in the rear-view mirror.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

TJW said:


> IMO, it's acceptable. I can't tell you why you have a problem with it.
> I look forward to my wife sleeping over at family. I get a night of "man-cave"
> 
> I can watch my favorite TV shows that she doesn't like. I can eat in the living room. I can have two bowls of popcorn.
> ...


OK, 

Soon, you will make *the list.*

The Red Queen never forgives a slight, an uppity man.

Over the years.
Over the falls in a wooden barrel.
I have been reduced.

I used to be six-foot-six. 

I have been whittled down to purse size. Yip, yip!

Mars.....is looking better, every day....Methinks!


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This may go away if you express your anxiety and concern.

If she brushes your feelings aside;, remains adamant on continuing these sleepovers, then it becomes time to put your detective hat on.

The usual snooping....phone, computer, VAR in her car....that stuff.

But, not yet. Give her a little time.

I would be suspicious. Not of a man....no, a Being made from Adam's rib. 

A friendly Being. 
An animate, intimate Being. 
Being with your' wife.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, every weekend siending the night with a person other than her husband is wrong and youve every right to stop it.

Btw, I've seen a lot through the years about deaths triggering strange behavior. 

Simply this: if your wife isn't wanting to spend the night in bed with her husband, something is wrong.

How's your sex life? Any changes?


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Mikeroed said:


> My wife and I have been married for 2 years. *Recently we started having some issues in our marriage*, and to top it off her uncle passed away. Whom she was very close with.


 What sort of problems have you started having in the marriage? 



Mikeroed said:


> In the past month, she has been going to her friends house(who is a girl), and spending the night at her house. They aren't going clubbing or hanging out at bars to my knowledge. And my wife doesn't really drink anyways. My question, in your opinions is this acceptable? She's been doing this 1 night every weekend for the last month. Also, why do I have such a problem with it? I just want her to come home at the end of the night. I have no problem with her hanging out with her friend. Even though every weekend might be a little much. Especially since *we haven't been seeing each other a ton during the week*. I'm hoping this is temporary and it's how she's dealing with the loss of her uncle. Her friend lost her mom a year ago so she can relate in the way. Any opinions would be appreciated.


It sounds like your wife is purposefully avoiding you. You say that you don't spend much time together during the week and then she takes off to her friend's house on the weekends. Why do you suppose she does this? 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


----------



## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

If it was me.. I'd VAR her just to be sure.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mikeroed said:


> My wife and I have been married for 2 years. Recently we started having some issues in our marriage, and to top it off her uncle passed away. Whom she was very close with. In the past month, she has been going to her friends house(who is a girl), and spending the night at her house. They aren't going clubbing or hanging out at bars to my knowledge. And my wife doesn't really drink anyways. My question, in your opinions is this acceptable? She's been doing this 1 night every weekend for the last month. Also, why do I have such a problem with it? I just want her to come home at the end of the night. I have no problem with her hanging out with her friend. Even though every weekend might be a little much. Especially since we haven't been seeing each other a ton during the week. I'm hoping this is temporary and it's how she's dealing with the loss of her uncle. Her friend lost her mom a year ago so she can relate in the way. Any opinions would be appreciated.



We all have family that eventually pass away.


Now all of a sudden, your wife of 2 years is spending the night with another woman.


You hardly see your wife anymore.


My guess, they might be in the beginning stages of a lesbian affair.


When Mrs.CuddleBug lost friends to illness, this hit her hard, but guess what? she spends her nights at our house, and not every weekend at her girlfriends place.


When I lost a good friend of mine, it hit me really hard. I never started spending night(s) every week at another guys place.


If I didn't know any better, they're in the beginning of a lesbian affair, both lost someone really close, spending too much time together, then start spending a night or two together, that's how it begins.


Your wife of 2 years should be confiding in you, talking with you, and you're strong for her emotionally.



I hope I'm wrong about this but that's my gut instinct reaction.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Probably some muff diving and strap-on dildo use going on over there. If I were a betting man, I would put my chips on black. That being a black double headed dildo getting some serious use on the weekends.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Find out who else is “sleeping over”.

Oh, and whether or not they’re actually staying there (as opposed to elsewhere).


----------



## Mikeroed (Oct 14, 2017)

Almost-Done said:


> If it was me.. I'd VAR her just to be sure.


What is this VAR?


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Mikeroed said:


> Almost-Done said:
> 
> 
> > If it was me.. I'd VAR her just to be sure.
> ...


Voice activated recorder


----------



## Mikeroed (Oct 14, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Mikeroed said:
> 
> 
> > Almost-Done said:
> ...


I don't think I'm to the point yet where that's necessary. But incase I need it in the future, what is it? How does it work? 

I really don't think she's having an affair of any sort. As for our sex life, nothing has changed. Our sex life was never really that great, she has multiple medical problems that prohibit us from having sex that often. We've seen multiple doctors about. But she still gives me blow jobs and hand jobs quite often to make up for it a little bit.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am guessing that the other woman is single? I don't think that a married women has any right to be going clubbing or hanging out in bars without her husband. She is asking for trouble. Also are you sue that is where she is actually going?
I have lost people close to me, I didn't act that way so don't make excuses. As for sleepovers, what is she, 12?


----------



## Mikeroed (Oct 14, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I am guessing that the other woman is single? I don't think that a married women has any right to be going clubbing or hanging out in bars without her husband. She is asking for trouble. Also are you sue that is where she is actually going?
> I have lost people close to me, I didn't act that way so don't make excuses. As for sleepovers, what is she, 12?


As far as I know, they aren't doing any sort of clubbing or going to bars. She goes and hang out with her friend at her friends house. And her friend has a boyfriend but only for a few months so I don't think it's serious. If she was going out clubbing, I would have already talked with her about it. I'm pretty confident she's not doing that, she's never been the clubbing type.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I personally wouldn't do this, if I would be drinking while out I would be sure to stay under the limit so that I could drive myself home, or I'd arrange with my hubby for him to pick me up. I think he'd be the same.

But that's us. Every couple is different and has different boundaries. 

If this is an issue for you, it should be an issue for her too - and you should discuss it together, and come up with a compromise that you're BOTH comfortable with.

What are the issues you've been having in your marriage?


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I know a guy named Mike Rowe.

i sat next to him on a plane to Albuquerque.

Yea, that Mike Rowe. He offered me a job.

He is a cool guy, doing not-cool jobs.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i am guessing you really have not had the big talk with her about why she has this need to sleep over, why can't she talk and then come home...to me that is a red flag...and i think you fooling yourself otherwise. good luck with that


----------



## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

I mean...Talk to her. She's your wife. 

And don't spy or get paranoid listening to people on this forum saying she's in a affair (that happened to me, btw). There are little red flags that something is wrong. But there are not burning red flags from the information you have provided. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

JBTX said:


> I mean...Talk to her. She's your wife.
> 
> And don't spy or get paranoid listening to people on this forum saying she's in a affair (that happened to me, btw). There are little red flags that something is wrong. But there are not burning red flags from the information you have provided.
> 
> ...


Paranoid?

Not us TAMMERs

We are 'past' believers.
And that 'past' is whistling by your's ears.

You don't see it, because you ain't tuned in.....like the reg-growlers.

History repeats itself on TAM. That is the past, aforementioned.
There is a pattern, a rhythm.
An itch that cannot be scratched by the sensory deprived.

And if you can't 'Dance with the Star Cheaters', then you can't see the trees in them smelly Forest Gumping Ghinkos.

Just Sayin'


----------



## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

You decide what's acceptable from you wife, sir.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

There is more to this story. How about you just show up one night. Figure out a good excuse and just stop by. Like maybe say you are going out then show up later and say you were in the neighborhood. Either way the next step after nights is spending all her time at her friends.


----------

