# sexually fustrated wife



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

Title says it all. Recently told husband would want sex more often. At first he was as into it as I was, so I thought but shortly after it dwindled to maybe once a week if I am lucky.he is always tired at night which I do understand. But sometimes I feel paranoid that that is not why. We went the whole weekend with no sex which is when we typically would have sex. He wanted to have sex saturday night but my 17 year old daughter had four friends over. Didn't feel comfortable with this. He basically insinuated now or never because I am going to sleep. Thought it would want to do it when the friends left but never happened. Then I thought there was no excuse not to do it sunday night but no second then. I will not iniatr now because I don't want him to think I am some desperate housewife. I have already expressed nonths ago how into it I was, but he seems to ignore this.I am so fustrated and angry on the inside and don't even want to b e nice to him.please don't respond to me that I should communicate with him. Been there done that and when I intially responds I feel it is out of obligation to me. Last thing I want to feel like. When we do have sex it is always good and he does seem into it. Could he legitemely be just lazy in this area?
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## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

michzz said:


> Communication is not a one-time thing.
> 
> Short of running into a brick wall, keep at it.
> 
> ...


have communicated many times. He thinks this is in my head. He asked me today do I expect to have sex everyday and I said no but I don't want it to feel like a sat night obligation. He says he now feels pressure every night he comes into the bedroom. He feels he pressure from me. By the way we have never had sex everyday ever!!!don't want to feel like an obligation when we do. I tod him he squashed my desire for sex and we can go foward without sex. He said this is blackmail but I won't know when he feels obligated the rare times we have sex or if he wants to do it. I can she him tonight initiating sex but I won't be into it knowing he eels he has to. What to do??
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## Voyager (May 23, 2011)

Well, to start with don't put him in a no win situation by turning him down if he initiates because you think he's not into it. He's offering to do something you want him to do. Accept it gracefully and enjoy it. And let him know you enjoy it--but you don't need to embarrass him about it. Use positive reinforcement to encourage him to continue initiating. There's nothing so humiliating as being rejected for doing something you really didn't want to do in the first place. That just reinforces his inclination not to initiate. At least that's been my experience.

Your posts are full of what you are not getting out of your sex life with your husband. There's probably something missing for him, too. What do you imagine it might be?


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## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> Title says it all. Recently told husband would want sex more often. At first he was as into it as I was, so I thought but shortly after it dwindled to maybe once a week if I am lucky.he is always tired at night which I do understand. But sometimes I feel paranoid that that is not why. We went the whole weekend with no sex which is when we typically would have sex. He wanted to have sex saturday night but my 17 year old daughter had four friends over. Didn't feel comfortable with this. He basically insinuated now or never because I am going to sleep. Thought it would want to do it when the friends left but never happened. Then I thought there was no excuse not to do it sunday night but no second then. I will not iniatr now because I don't want him to think I am some desperate housewife. I have already expressed nonths ago how into it I was, but he seems to ignore this.I am so fustrated and angry on the inside and don't even want to b e nice to him.please don't respond to me that I should communicate with him. Been there done that and when I intially responds I feel it is out of obligation to me. Last thing I want to feel like. When we do have sex it is always good and he does seem into it. Could he legitemely be just lazy in this area?
> 
> I am amazed at some of the conversations I see on this site, i.e how often husbands and wives are not on the same page in the area of intimacy, yet there seems to be no identifiable trend I can see. I can relate to your feelings, except I'm the husband. I think the communication advice is good, although that seems to sound better when I'm giving it to someone else rather than putting it in to practice personally! Sounds like you've made some effort in that area. I have found it helpful to try to understand my wife's point of view better (to the extent that I am able as a man) by seeking out and reading some of the work done on the differences between men and women and the way we each think. A couple of works I have particularly enlightening include: "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs, and several books by Shaunti Feldhahn (she has written several short, interesting books). Dr. Eggerichs has a website, www.loveandrespect.com. I've also enjoyed listening to Mark Gungor. He speaks and does marriage conferences called "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage." Although he is a Pastor, he takes a very non-threatening (to a non church goer) approach and is very funny. His approach to the differences between men and women is priceless and he spends a lot of time on how those differences effect intimacy. Hope that's helpful, good luck!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SilverSiren (Nov 8, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> he is always tired at night which I do understand. But sometimes I feel paranoid that that is not why.
> I will not iniatr now because I don't want him to think I am some desperate housewife. I have already expressed nonths ago how into it I was, but he seems to ignore this. I am so fustrated and angry on the inside and don't even want to b e nice to him.please don't respond to me that I should communicate with him. Been there done that and when I intially responds I feel it is out of obligation to me. Last thing I want to feel like. When we do have sex it is always good and he does seem into it. Could he legitemely be just lazy in this area?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The whole tired at night thing- could you try shaking it up? Try waking him up early morning after he's had some sleep.... and after you helped him get to be early so he's gotten enough sleep. 
Don't be too worried about being a desperate housewife- you said he seems into it and it is good when you get around to it.
I totally understand the super rage/frustration with wanting and not getting! GRrrrrrr! 
HOWEVER, If he gets lots of negative stuff from you re: sex, he may just shut down because he feels like he can do no right. As crazy mad as it makes you to not get enough, try to channel that energy into creativity for the bedroom. Keep trying!


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## ozwang (Aug 11, 2011)

wake him up in the morning with a blowjob, that'll be sure to get him going. I know I wouldn't be able to knock it back. Also try gate crashing his morning shower for a bit of action....couldn't hurt


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## AndBuffyStakedEdward (Nov 15, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> have communicated many times. He thinks this is in my head. He asked me today do I expect to have sex everyday and I said no but I don't want it to feel like a sat night obligation. He says he now feels pressure every night he comes into the bedroom. He feels he pressure from me. By the way we have never had sex everyday ever!!!don't want to feel like an obligation when we do. I tod him he squashed my desire for sex and we can go foward without sex. He said this is blackmail but I won't know when he feels obligated the rare times we have sex or if he wants to do it. I can she him tonight initiating sex but I won't be into it knowing he eels he has to. What to do??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm in a similar situation so I _absolutely_ understand how frustrating it is but throwing out comments like "_I told him he squashed my desire for sex and we can go foward without sex_" is not the way to go about getting this resolved. I know because I was on the other end of this scenario a couple of years ago. He wanted it, I didn't. Comments similar to this from my H had the opposite effect than what I'm sure he was hoping for. It made me feel bad then made me angry. The harder he pushed the more I pulled away.

Is it possible that there is some issue(s) causing him to not want sex? Medical, emotional, etc? I know you've said that you communicated many times but you have to keep trying and how you do so makes a _big_ difference. You really need to find a way to talk about it calmly to hopefully get to the bottom of whatever it is. Keep in mind, whether he knows or thinks there is an issue or not he may be embarrassed about it and will feel worse when you push or make negative comments.

_BTW: A little part of why I became interested in sex again is because he finally did as I asked and backed off on the pressure._


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