# husband wants to be dominated



## anxiousbones (Sep 9, 2012)

Hi everyone. My husband and I have been together 10 years now and we have 2 young kids, so we're trying to keep things exciting.

I've noticed a pattern that my husband is very turned on by tough, aggressive women. He loves when female characters beat up guys in movies or tv shows. The other day I jokingly said that I should get a leather outfit and a whip to surprise him for Christmas and his whole face lit up. He said I should definitely do that, and I don't think he was joking one bit.

Now I'm seriously considering this, to the point where I've been shopping for "outfits." This would be really out of character for me, but if it would blow his mind I'd do it in a heartbeat. Any advice? Should I take some baby steps to test the water, or just go all in and surprise him?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Baby steps. It's one thing to have a fantasy, and another to put it in to reality. A fantasy in your mind (or his) is controlled and everything always works out the way he would want it to because it's not real. 

Start by talking about it and let it progress in a manner where your both comfortable with it. It may or may not be what either of you want but at least you tried.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

OOOH fun!!! Put on your dom hat girly and gets ta spankin!

Find out what aspects of being dominated are appealing to him then go from there.Just springing the dom thing onto him without knowing what parts specifically get him excited is a bad idea.

I'd start with the outfit.Then start ordering him to do things "lie down with your arms above your head." Have sex with you on top while you lightly hold his wrists down. 

Then go from there


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'd just put on a bustieier with garters and stockings. Tell him to slowly remove his clothing and then tell him to touch himself. After some play like that tie his hands to the bed, blindfold him, then take a very very long handjob/BJ combo, but don't let him come. Untie him, then you lay on the bed and tell him to go down on you. After that, make him lay down then you climb on top and ride the wave to the shore! Meow baby!


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

ok, I can't read this thread any longer...looks like I want to be dominated as well!

Where's a cold shower when you need one?


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

I would say jump all in and surprise him, but that's if I were him. He would be blown away.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Go for it and props on trying to please your husband. Awesome!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anxiousbones (Sep 9, 2012)

Thanks for the tips everyone.

I forgot to mention this before: he likes things rough, more than any other guy I've known. He's asked me to use my teeth during oral and he likes when I bite his neck or dig my nails in his back. Do these things naturally tend to go together?


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Sounds like you can have a lot of fun. Take him away for a overnight and tell him he will be your toy to do with as you please.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Yes, rough sex and the dominant/submissive (D/s) pair do go together a lot (but NOT all) of the time. So he may have been giving you hints for a while now. But rough sex can be physically and emotionally damaging so you have to start slow and talk a lot and see what you BOTH like. (I know that there are tons of couples that have only one dominant or submissive half, and the vanilla half goes along with it, but it doesn't sound like very much fun for either half. There's a lot of differing opinion on this, but I'm of the opinion that if YOU aren't into it, you shouldn't feel obligated to do it - though giving it an honest try is good practice.) As an example - he may get off on you calling him really cruel names, but you may not feel comfortable doing that. You could instead tell him to use those words about himself. Just an example of course.

Communication is huge and you may have to be patient if he's embarrassed / not ready to talk about it. I have no experience in F/m (which means the woman is in the dominant position and the man is in the submissive position - if you start reading about D/s and BDSM online you'll get used to these terms quickly) but I've been in the opposite, i.e., a M/f marriage, for almost 4 years. Do be aware... this may be a fun fantasy for him to indulge in once in a while (the more likely possibility I imagine), or it might be a really big deal to him (to the point that he might want your entire relationship to revolve around it, called 24/7 D/s, which is a pretty extreme form) or anywhere in between. And it's very common for someone to fantasize/say they want a more extreme form than what they really want in real, practical life. Communication is extremely important and you can't know what he has in mind until he tells you. Not trying to scare you, just wanted to let you know that there are people (myself included) who take this way farther than you probably want to think about, and it's not a bad idea to be aware of that going in, just in case he's one of us.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

anxiousbones said:


> Hi everyone. My husband and I have been together 10 years now and we have 2 young kids, so we're trying to keep things exciting.
> 
> I've noticed a pattern that my husband is very turned on by tough, aggressive women. He loves when female characters beat up guys in movies or tv shows. The other day I jokingly said that I should get a leather outfit and a whip to surprise him for Christmas and his whole face lit up. He said I should definitely do that, and I don't think he was joking one bit.
> 
> Now I'm seriously considering this, to the point where I've been shopping for "outfits." This would be really out of character for me, but if it would blow his mind I'd do it in a heartbeat. Any advice? Should I take some baby steps to test the water, or just go all in and surprise him?



Go in all and surprise him. You are a great wife for taking care of his needs, and raising two kids.:smthumbup:

My wifee is passive LD but if she got aggressive with me, nice. I would like this too.


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## HiLibido (Dec 10, 2013)

OP: 

I'm curious if you ever followed thru with this. If so, did he like it? If not, why the hell not!?

If you want some help with bdsm -- resources, websites, etc. -- I've got a few.


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

anxiousbones said:


> Hi everyone. My husband and I have been together 10 years now and we have 2 young kids, so we're trying to keep things exciting.
> 
> I've noticed a pattern that my husband is very turned on by tough, aggressive women. He loves when female characters beat up guys in movies or tv shows. The other day I jokingly said that I should get a leather outfit and a whip to surprise him for Christmas and his whole face lit up. He said I should definitely do that, and I don't think he was joking one bit.
> 
> Now I'm seriously considering this, to the point where I've been shopping for "outfits." This would be really out of character for me, but if it would blow his mind I'd do it in a heartbeat. Any advice? Should I take some baby steps to test the water, or just go all in and surprise him?


My fiance and I have discovered the wonderful world of BDSM. My advice?

Don't surprise him.

Talk. Talk. Talk. However possible, you BOTH need to get past uncomfortable topics. As much as possible, create an atmosphere where you can both be as open an honest as possible.

Expect what he wants to constantly change as you both evolve. Expect what YOU want to constantly change as you evolve. Expect that neither of you will have any idea where this will lead, and enjoy the ride.

I think I could write a novel. With the work I need to get done, I shouldn't even begin. LOL. 

PLEASE, feel free to private message me with questions. Consider reading books on the subject, geared to both dominants and submissive. Being dominant is a very difficult and big job with great responsibilities. Being submissive is just as big and difficult with just as much responsibilities. 

If you go on this journey, be guaranteed that whatever you two want, feel and need IS correct, regardless of what anyone may tell you. Expect to be far more close an intimate that either of you could have ever imagined. 

Enjoy the ride. You have NO idea! :smthumbup:


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I'd just put on a bustieier with garters and stockings. Tell him to slowly remove his clothing and then tell him to touch himself. After some play like that tie his hands to the bed, blindfold him, then take a very very long handjob/BJ combo, but don't let him come. Untie him, then you lay on the bed and tell him to go down on you. After that, make him lay down then you climb on top and ride the wave to the shore! Meow baby!


OK....NOW I need a cold shower....Wow AnonPink....WOW!!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> OK....NOW I need a cold shower....Wow AnonPink....WOW!!!


Now you see how easy writing smut is. Add in some dialogue, describe the scene and costumes, don't use too much euphemisms, and you have erotica!


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Next time please incorporate a spatula and a little whipped cream please.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Got it. Anything else?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Egg Beater?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RClawson said:


> Egg Beater?



:scratchhead:


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> :scratchhead:


My imagination is running rampant again....


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## anxiousbones (Sep 9, 2012)

I just wanted to report back that I did go through with this and it was a hit! We will definitely be trying more.

I gave him hints and teasers about a week before, then got someone to watch the kids overnight. I think he nearly had it figured out because he was driving about 85mph after we dropped off the kids! LOL

I ended up getting a leather bustier & mini skirt, spike heels, the whole deal. It was a bit scary because it was so far out of my comfort zone, but his reaction was more than worth it. And he can't stop complimenting me ever since! It's only been a couple days but he's already asking when I'll wear my outfit again.


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

anxiousbones said:


> I just wanted to report back that I did go through with this and it was a hit! We will definitely be trying more.
> 
> I gave him hints and teasers about a week before, then got someone to watch the kids overnight. I think he nearly had it figured out because he was driving about 85mph after we dropped off the kids! LOL
> 
> I ended up getting a leather bustier & mini skirt, spike heels, the whole deal. It was a bit scary because it was so far out of my comfort zone, but his reaction was more than worth it. And he can't stop complimenting me ever since! It's only been a couple days but he's already asking when I'll wear my outfit again.


I am thrilled to hear this was a hit. This is only the beginning. Expect to have no idea what your desires will morph into and it will be great (so long as you are communicating)!

Awesome.

Just awesome.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

I need my wife to read this thread,,,,and Anon, forget about recommending a book for my wife to read, just write one for her:smthumbup:


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