# I feel guilty masturbating, watching porn, what do i do?



## masque9 (Jan 4, 2012)

Only after a month of marriage my wife got pregnany, during 3rd and 4th month I found my wife having an EA (2-3 years of EA, PA may be..50-50) with her ex-boyfriend and telling her that she would have been happy with him. 

She wanted to marry this other guy, but he was kinda playing games, but my wife loved this guy. She told me all this after I discovered all her chats and seized her a/c's. She resisted and got angry, slowly I showed her the chats and she revealed more. Now she's guilty and wants to move on and forget it all. 

We had a baby a month ago, I had sex 9-10 times in 9 months, but masturbated 100 times. I feel guilty and stop for a while but start again. How do I deal with this?

I was thinking that my wife would talk about my sexual needs but she doesn't she just doesn't want to openup? 

Do women feel the need to have sex or talk about sex?
or Is this a pregnancy thing?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your wife is having an affair. You take this a bit to lightly in my opinion.

Of course some of us women are open to sex. Heck, I want it more then my husband lately. After having children the frequency slowed way down. It's quite exhausting to raise a baby. My husband often gave me breaks and would get up in the middle of the night. What a sweet man he is. My husband is very good to me. He does so much for me and shows a lot of affection. 

You can't just push the affair aside pretending it never happened unless you know all her passwords for everything and she is sorry for what she has done. Give her time to raise the baby. Help her with your newborn child. Take the baby in another room and tell her she can nap or take a nice long bath. Her body is not ready for sex quite yet, especially if she is breastfeeding. She will have zero interest. 

My husband helped me with the girls every night when they were babies. One of them had colic and would scream her head off for 5 hours every night for three months. Those were the longest nights of my life. My husband and I took turns every-night switching off holding her. He's a terrific father to this day! He is very proactive in their lives.

Don't feel guilty masturbating. It's only normal. Some women do it too. I think it's only a problem when it effects your sex life. If your wife is not interested in sex, masturbate away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

This is an arranged marriage.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Hun,

??????

is the baby your? that should be your worry


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

I believe that your wife might not be attracted to you because she is not in love with you.


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## masque9 (Jan 4, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> Hun,
> 
> ??????
> 
> is the baby your? that should be your worry


100% looks like me )


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## masque9 (Jan 4, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Your wife is having an affair. You take this a bit to lightly in my opinion.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks, but how should I take and deal with it?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Keep your hands covered in Ultra Strength BENGAY Cream. That will stop the masturbation, and discourage watching porn.

Focus on the real issue.


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## masque9 (Jan 4, 2012)

HerToo said:


> Ultra Strength BENGAY Cream.
> 
> Focus on the real issue.


Sorry I didn't get the humor if intended with the cream, please explain?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

masque9 said:


> 100% looks like me )


well if thats all the more you need then ..........ok

babys look like babys.

If it were me I would have a paternty test JJJJJust to make sure.

but hey I'm parnoid that way.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Not really meant for humor. It's a cream that has a chemical reaction to make the surface of the skin feel very hot. It's intended use is for muscle pain. So you don't want this in your reproductive organ. Watching porn would cause a stimulation and a desire to touch. The cream would stop that immediately.

The real issue is your wife's behavior, as others have stated, not your porn / sex behavior.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Masque, I think it would help if you mentioned the circumstances of your marriage, that it's arranged. You have another topic started that included the term "arranged marriage" in the title but you have deleted that term since. It's a bit misleading.

Your wife's behavior seems normal to me given the circumstances. She has loved someone else before she was married off to a stranger she didn't chose with her heart. You can't force love, you can't force affection and you can't force someone to turn off their feelings.
I understand it might be different in your culture and it might be that a lot of arranged marriages go the same way yours does.

You might have to give your wife some more time to resign to the fact that her own happiness has to take second place to the cultural pressures of an arranged marriage.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Get a DNA paternity test before you do anything else.

That alone will answer half your questions.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

don't feel guilty, masturbation is not crime.

just make sure there is no contact between wife and ex bf.and yes do the paternity test.


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## masque9 (Jan 4, 2012)

done the test, and it's my baby.....


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## masque9 (Jan 4, 2012)

FourtyPlus said:


> Masque, I think it would help if you mentioned the circumstances of your marriage, that it's arranged. You have another topic started that included the term "arranged marriage" in the title but you have deleted that term since. It's a bit misleading.
> 
> Your wife's behavior seems normal to me given the circumstances. She has loved someone else before she was married off to a stranger she didn't chose with her heart. You can't force love, you can't force affection and you can't force someone to turn off their feelings.
> I understand it might be different in your culture and it might be that a lot of arranged marriages go the same way yours does.
> ...


thanks, being married and still contacting with ex's and talking dirty is a RED flag in all cultures. Some more time is the remedy probably...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

That was sure a quick paternity test!!!

I don't have any experience with arranged marriages, but if your wife was forced to marry you when she loved someone else, she must be very unhappy. Is there anything you can do to help her in this regard? 

As for the masturbating, 100 times in 9 months would be about once every 2 or 3 days. That doesn't sound excessive to me for a guy who isn't getting laid. If you start having sex with your wife more often and are still masturbating that often, then it would be more of a problem, in my opinion anyway.


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## masque9 (Jan 4, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> but if your wife was forced to marry you when she loved someone else, she must be very unhappy. Is there anything you can do to help her in this regard?
> .


It was one sided and subsiding love that my wife was involved in, they broke up and talked again, had feelings once, but my wife lost trust and was still attracted, she thought he lied but still wanted to talk to her. 

Complicated..haah...now she's with me and again started talking to this guy.

I want help to understand how to get her talk/help and also keep myself sane.


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