# veterans, what does successful 180 look like?



## shellgames (Sep 2, 2014)

What did your WW say and do?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

shellgames said:


> What did your WW say and do?


WW = wayward wife. Are you only looking for input from men whose wives cheated?

There is a link to the 180 in my signature block below.

What is it that you are hoping to get out of the 180? Have you tried using it?


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## shellgames (Sep 2, 2014)

Yes input from men who had wayward wives and did the 180 and their reaction.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OK, so you don't want women not respond to you... got it.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Feelings may be the same between men and women that have been victims of the cheating pain.

I would not restrict the response to exclude women. 

The 180 does help. It also helps if the WW or WH is remorseful. If the WS is not remorseful, it is a waste of time to continue with the flooding of emotions. 

The 180 is for you, but it does eventually help and also doing things to help your self-esteem. A long time does help, especially to realize that even with the flooding of emotions, that your spouse can not bring happiness. And if they are wayward, over time that has killed any love that used to be there.

good luck to you. Sometimes counseling can help, but I never did find a way in the short run to control the flooding of emotions. (rage, pain, despair, etc)


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Shutting down EleGirl is like losing 80% of the brain trust on this site.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

RClawson said:


> Shutting down EleGirl is like losing 80% of the brain trust on this site.


Even so, it was reasonable to ask the men for their perspective as there is a difference often as to how men or women react to the 180.

But OP, you may want to listen to what EleGirl has to say. She brings a LOT of sagacity to this board. More then most of us dude schmucks.

As to the 180, I will get to that in about 30 minutes. The Secretary of the War Department, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, wifey has something for me to do....


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

The best 180 I ever saw was the cheating wife promptly served divorce papers and betrayed husband totally and instantly cutting her out of his life. 

That was an old friend/mentor of mine who was a pilot and came home early and found them in his bed. He handled it like a boss.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)




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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

There are a lot of variations to the '180'. To me, it is about taking your life back, getting yourself under control and living to make you healthy and no for your wife. When she sees you getting stronger and more confidant and not including her in the process, then you have gained success.


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## shellgames (Sep 2, 2014)

I have but she almost resents me or being able to do that now and why not before. I have the typical story of nice guy enabling wife on pedistal concentrated on kids etc.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

thatbpguy said:


> When she sees you getting stronger and more confidant and not including her in the process, then you have gained success.


Unfortunately, it doesn't usually happen that way. And if she DOES notice an improvement, the result will be even more resentment as she gets pissed that you are NOW not an a-hole after she's already left you. 

If you are looking to how a 180 will affect HER, then the MAIN benefit will be that she now doesn't have to talk to you any more or spend time with you. So your WW shouldn't even come into the equation. If she does, it's all for the bad.

The 180 is for you and you alone. And it's hard. REALLY hard. You have to get used to the fact that she's out of your life. It's hard because it's not an act. It's reality. You can't sell it. You have to live it. Accept it. Have it change the core of who you are. And people throw the phrase around here like it's nothing.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

shellgames said:


> I have but she almost resents me or being able to do that now and why not before. I have the typical story of nice guy enabling wife on pedistal concentrated on kids etc.


That's good. Next, go out and have a few really nice times with guy friends and focus on being happy. Plus, get stronger and maybe more honest and not so nice with her so she sees your growth as no longer being a door mat to her.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Unfortunately, it doesn't usually happen that way. And if she DOES notice an improvement, the result will be even more resentment as she gets pissed that you are NOW not an a-hole after she's already left you.
> 
> If you are looking to how a 180 will affect HER, then the MAIN benefit will be that she now doesn't have to talk to you any more or spend time with you. So your WW shouldn't even come into the equation. If she does, it's all for the bad.
> 
> The 180 is for you and you alone. And it's hard. REALLY hard. You have to get used to the fact that she's out of your life. It's hard because it's not an act. It's reality. You can't sell it. You have to live it. Accept it. Have it change the core of who you are. And people throw the phrase around here like it's nothing.


So what?

That's what the 180 is for- the betrayed and not the betrayer.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Successful? Detach, divorce and move on to someone better.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

commonsenseisn't said:


> The best 180 I ever saw was the cheating wife promptly served divorce papers and betrayed husband totally and instantly cutting her out of his life.
> 
> That was an old friend/mentor of mine who was a pilot and came home early and found them in his bed. He handled it like a boss.


Thanks not a 180. That's just ending the relationship.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Unfortunately, it doesn't usually happen that way. And if she DOES notice an improvement, the result will be even more resentment as she gets pissed that you are NOW not an a-hole after she's already left you.
> 
> If you are looking to how a 180 will affect HER, then the MAIN benefit will be that she now doesn't have to talk to you any more or spend time with you. So your WW shouldn't even come into the equation. If she does, it's all for the bad..


What you are talking about here is going no-contact. The 180 is not no-contact. 



MachoMcCoy said:


> The 180 is for you and you alone. And it's hard. REALLY hard. *You have to get used to the fact that she's out of your life. * It's hard because it's not an act. It's reality. You can't sell it. You have to live it. Accept it. Have it change the core of who you are. And people throw the phrase around here like it's nothing.


The 180 is not about cutting the WS out of your life. It's about pulling back and giving the WS some time to end the affair. Now if the WS does not end the affair, then the 180 does help the BS start to emotionally detach.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Jasel said:


>


I love the 'be like Spock' line. It is so true and accurate


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Thanks not a 180. That's just ending the relationship.


EXACTLY

My point is the best 180 is not really a 180, but ending the relationship.

I know, it's not applicable in every instance, but there is a lesson in this line of thinking I was trying to communicate.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What you are talking about here is going no-contact. The 180 is not no-contact.
> 
> 
> 
> The 180 is not about cutting the WS out of your life. It's about pulling back and giving the WS some time to end the affair. Now if the WS does not end the affair, then the 180 does help the BS start to emotionally detach.


You've got to read up on the 180 before you start giving bad advice. Either that or live the life of a husband to figure it out. Unfortunately, 18,000+ post vs. my <100, people will listen to you.

If you're doing the 180, it's because she's gone. And No-contact is...no contact. I'm talking about detaching from her (as PART OF my 180) and you say it's "no contact"?

I think I've got a little more experience dealing with a WAW than you do. A 180 means "Pulling back and giving her time to end her affair"? And you've got 18,000 posts? 

First of all, my definition of "pulling back" was rebranded as "no contact" by you. Then I said that "pulling back" will only give her more time to herself, and in the case of an affair, more time to be with her new lover. And you say it will help to end her affair? That is a dreamworld you live in.

I respect your opinion. I respect it more when it comes from a ladies perspective. Trying to school "Mr. 180" on doing a 180 from a man's perspective doesn't make sense though.

Guys. Listen VERY carefully. When a wife is gone, she's most likely gone. ANYONE who goes onto the 180 thinking it will win back their spouse is delusional. It DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!! That is a VERY dangerous mid-set going into a 180. Very dangerous.


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