# When do you...



## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

...stop thinking and acting like a provider , like the person to go to when problems arise , like a husband , like the best handyman to ever walk this earth ...? Iam slowly getting used to the idea that there is absolutely no chance of me and my ex getting back together , but the feeling of being needed and dedicated to married life is still there , its just that every time Iam at work or driving back I always think about everybody even my ex "do they need anything ? should I suprise them with ice cream or pizza ... I can not switch my fricking brain to think that the home and family is not there anymore , it is just terrible feeling when I am pulling in the driveway and nobody is there to say hi ...when will it stop ? I never knew how divorce can ruin once life , not only financially but emotionally . 
I guess I am not as strong as I thought I was ...

Are you feeling the same ?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

6foot5 said:


> I guess I am not as strong as I thought I was ...
> 
> Are you feeling the same ?


Sorry to say that you may - in fact - be human.

Just start filling your life with what YOU want. Your ex can have the leftovers - if there are any.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Yes I find myself doing the same....Its hard to resist the urge to do those things....I don't know when those feelings go away. I am just taking it day by day and trying to feel all the emotions and not hiding from them ( if that makes sense ) I woke up today feeling bummed about everything but as the day went on things slowly got better and I am that much stronger...

Hang in there..


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I feel the same way the hard part is saying know when she asks for something. I hate pulling up and knowing no one is there going from being married to this goign through divorce stuff is wearing me out. I have not slept good since it all started and well its been a walk in hell but Im getting there. I sucks feeling like your not needed or wanted especially when they tell you how good a husband you were then they leave its like wth.


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## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

Yes, it happens to me alot at the mo

And I can't listen to music in car so the silence just makes me think/obsess more...!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

whatonearthnow said:


> Yes, it happens to me alot at the mo
> 
> And I can't listen to music in car so the silence just makes me think/obsess more...!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That music thing , I have completely stopped listening to the radio in the car except when I pick my boy up , he tells me to turn the radio on as soon as he gets in the car and I have to say that the music takes most of those depressing thoughts away . So just now I turned some old tunes on ,on my home stereo system ...Guns&Roses , Neil Young , Van Halen etc. I left the softer stuff out , I just dont want the heartache tonight or ever again for that matter , I dont even think that I will ever again listen to anything that was mutual during marriage .


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

I don't know when you do, but when someone does, will they let me know? It's been 5 months since the split, 2 since the divorce, and I still drive up to the house wishing that I'd see his car there, knowing my babies are waiting for me to get home. That's the hardest part: not having my babies 24/7. If I hate him for anything, it's for ruining my family. If the littlest one wasn't so attached to dad I'd tell him he can see them whenever I feel like it, not 50/50 custody.


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## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

WomanScorned said:


> I don't know when you do, but when someone does, will they let me know? It's been 5 months since the split, 2 since the divorce, and I still drive up to the house wishing that I'd see his car there, knowing my babies are waiting for me to get home. That's the hardest part: not having my babies 24/7. If I hate him for anything, it's for ruining my family. If the littlest one wasn't so attached to dad I'd tell him he can see them whenever I feel like it, not 50/50 custody.


Well I dont even have a setllement or cuustody issues resolved , but let me tell you ...unless you really want to have your children with you 100% of the time then you should fight for it as hard as you can but...do you really want your babies grow up without their father in their lives ? I wouldnt want my son to grow up without his mother . If you have 50/50 custody of your children then you are very lucky , there are a lot of "us" here that dont get to see their children at all or have limited hours with them . I know that probably you hate your ex just as everybody else here but remember that your ex will not agree that you see your babies every time you feel like it , would you?
These are just my lawyers words but I have to agree with him , this divorce should be between me and my stbx and not between children and their parents .
I am in no position to give advice at the moment but this is how I feel ...


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

I am not divorced , currently seperated and LIMBO, since about 2 months after d day I started attending Divorcecare.org it pretty much addresses every thing you all are mentioning.
All I can say is about 80% of the people i have met through there were affected by infidelity. Many of the things posted I have heard spoken and cried about. So sadly we are all normal in a stressful abnormal situation responding appropriately to the stages of grief and recovery and unfortunately those time frames vary.

I hate to hear the custody issues, i have no answers there. Alot of that seems to be driven by personality.

I hope that helps someone. Sorry we are all here.


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## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

Thank you for the Divorcecare.org suggestion ,I think I will attend their support group as there are 5 of them around my area .


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Of course I want them to see their father for their sake. That's why we chose 50/50. I just am bitter because he's the one who initiated the divorce, wouldn't agree to try to work things out, and trashed the family. I would have done counseling and I was ready to take him back after he had an affair. So I'm a little bit peeved that he gets what he wants....am I going to take it out on the kids? No. But I am going to whine about it here.


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