# There Aren’t Enough Marriageable Men



## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

Decline of marriage: Pew shows there aren't enough marriageable men.

Why do modern women cling to an archaic relic of patriarchy that says men are only valuable as providers? Should they be more enlightened? Where are the feminists?

I joke, but I think "stable job" really means "earns equal to me or more" in my experience.

Do you agree?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Thanks to our laws and our media/society. There really shouldn't be many men to marry (smart ones anyways).

Be happy there are ANY still willing to do so.

Would you ladies? In men's shoes?

:scratchhead:


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

any guy thinking of getting married should read the stories on this site


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

There is an incredible paradigm shift going on in this country as women become more more competitive in wages upward mobility. I am not sure if it is a good thing, a bad thing or just a thing.

I look at the guys my daughters have to choose from and most of them cannot get out of the basement because they are certain they are about to get to a whole new level in Grand Theft Auto.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

That's a horribly sloppy article.

Look at the stats. You could interchange the word woman with man and get the exact same results based on the survey.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

RClawson said:


> I look at the guys my daughters have to choose from and most of them cannot get out of the basement because they are certain they are about to get to a whole new level in Grand Theft Auto.


I like to say, many parents (poor or rich) spoil their kids and do not teach them responsibility or contribution to household.

And as kids, they just do what they can. 

I blame the parents. If you spoil your kids, you will end up with self entitled, selfish, lazy human being.

They will be stuck with you forever as well, cause after all.....they are their parents responsibility.

Spoiling your kids = one of the worst things you can do as a parent.

Our kids have been contributing to the household since 4-5 years old. Clothes, cleaning, dishes, yard work, cleaning cars.....list is long, they KNOW they have to contribute.

Also, as long as they do and are good people, our doors are ALWAYS open and they can live with us FOREVER. 

At 18 they have to contribute financially as well.



Give me BILLION dollars today, and above would not change. And no, I would not buy them new cars or pay their way thru life. My money is NOT their money (well, maybe one day).


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

This short video sums up this subject perfectly.
Dr. Helen Smith, author of “Men on Strike” explains it to the 3 tools interviewing her on Fox News.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D33L4zxjpH0


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It should be noted that Dr. Helen Smith is part of the redpill/MGTOW/"poor men have been ruined by horrible feminists" crap agenda. The interviewers weren't the only tools on Fox News that day.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Well once again she is onto the paradigm shift that is going on in this country. Women are more empowered. There is no f'ing war on women. Family law does, by and large, favor women but this to is beginning to change in California. 

I believe equality is a good thing all the way around. I like it that women are making greater strides in the workplace. My best bosses in the corporate world were women (my worst was as well). I believe over time we will all figure out the dynamics and eventually will all be better off.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

War on men/War on women....meh

Given the number of crappy marriages, maybe a few less of them is a good thing.

Maybe some guys removing themselves from the marriage pool will let the cream rise to the top, on both sides.

Maybe the men still willing to marry will be the ones to take marriage more seriously, and the women will have increased competition, resulting in more of an effort on both sides.

Or maybe I'm full of it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I personally don't care if less people get married or wait longer to get married. Even though I love being married, this is my second marriage and having gone through one divorce already, I absolutely agree that getting married is too easy when the price you pay for the wrong choice is divorce.

Live together, explore each other, and move on if you realize it can't last forever. Or go into it understanding that it may not last forever.


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## frankman (Sep 23, 2014)

There are more women than men at my wife's college by a long shot. This will have a big affect on the number of 'good men'


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## ThirtyYearsIn (Sep 20, 2014)

My impression is that there are not enough marriageable women. Too many young women today spend their youth sleeping around then wake up in their 30's and suddenly want a relationship, but with 100's of notches in their bedpost good men are saying thanks but no thanks.

The role of a man in society has been taken away. Men are mostly agreeable so they drop out and act the way they are portrayed in movies and tv. When they stay they are scolded about being too competitive and assertive and intimidating to women in the workplace. When they allow women to lead or take the role of SAHD they end up here because their wives lost respect for them and started screwing someone else.

This culture has set up a no win situation for men.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Women's educational achievement is outpacing men's. Educational achievement strongly correlates with socio-economic status. Women mostly desire men who have equal to or greater socio-economic status compared to them. They rarely date lower. 

Also, probably as a result of attaining higher levels of education, women are delaying marriage longer and dating more widely. By the time they are ready to settle down, they have experienced more men and achieved more (being older), so their standards have become even higher.

Basically, this is just a result of women's standards getting higher.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel sorry for my daughter.. so much I would say but I've said it so many times.. others don't care.. we have reaped what we have sown in a society that no longer values .. Marriage & commitment...

We have 5 sons.. being raised in our home... seeing that Marriage has been a blessing.. I know they want to take this path as well.. my husband said to me one day.. "I hope we haven't given them unrealistic expectations" ..

But really.. I don't feel men have much incentive these days....

An old thread on that here... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/38499-male-incentive-marriage.html

they can get ALL THEY WANT, and crave, even MORE SO by NOT marrying... instead of signing on the doted line so the sex all dries up and she has all the leverage to hang him financially...

I am not convinced many women care anymore either... so those that DO CARE (but are dwindling - generally more who are raised with some form of Faith)....they will need to spend more time looking & seeking each other out.. those who feel it's still the backbone of the family .....Maybe a new dating site should be created for those seeking commitment, long term ...and getting back to marriage..

I would be willing to read Men on Strike... I am sure I'd resonate with more than a little this author has to say... iF women keep bulking at what men have to say.. well.. we'll be the ones who are left out in the cold.. I think we better start listening...

Here is one review of a man opting out of the Traditional lifestyle and why...



> I think marriage and family are probably the best things you could possibly have in life. Having said that, why am I single and childless? Too risky. Divorce rate is too high. Households headed by married adults are now in the minority. The rate of increase in female perpetrated crime continues to skyrocket. Jobs are scarce. A large percentage of well educated women don't want kids or want them late in life. There are fatherless kids all over the place. One slip up with a woman and your life could be ruined.
> 
> I'm one of the many `on strike', which is wise considering the potential consequences and all that I might come up against in today's legal and economic climate. I'm well educated, have a great career, my own home, yada...yada...yada. No way am I betting all that on the flip of a coin. I can't even fathom how families with children handle divorce. Must be the most soul crushing thing in life for all involved. I consider what I'm doing to be identical to what women have done over the past 40+ years. I'm opting out of the traditional way of life.
> 
> ...


Again.. I feel sorry for my daughter.. but I will still teach her to be the best woman she can be and to hopefully find a man who can recognize what she has to offer..


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

Anon1111 said:


> Women mostly desire men who have equal to or greater socio-economic status compared to them. They rarely date lower.


They reap what they sow.
With that mindset its coming down to 10% of men that are “good to marry”. And if you were of that 10%, why in the world would you legally commit yourself to just one woman and she holds all the cards?


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Kahlil Gibran said:


> They reap what they sow.
> With that mindset its coming down to 10% of men that are “good to marry”. And if you were of that 10%, why in the world would you legally commit yourself to just one woman and she holds all the cards?


Oh FFS rolleyes the person who makes the most money in a marriage “holds all the cards” only if their spouse allows it.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Unless two people really believe in the institution of marriage for spiritual, moral, emotional, whatever, reasons I, a happily married man, don't really see the point of people marrying in the current US society.

It is a raw deal. It was potentially a raw deal against women for a very long time and it has now become a raw deal, in general, against men. Again, unless a man truly believes in marriage for higher/deeper reasons, there are fewer and fewer incentives for men of my generation and younger to wed.

I foresee more and more people forgoing marriage and opting for spiritual/emotional unions that, if dissolved, don't leave anybody financially beholden to their ex.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

One more thing and, I loathe this subject ...

As for the “war on women”, I’ve not seen anything remotely like a “war” since the late 1970’s. (For reference I have lived in the USA and Europe.) Since that time, anything I (a woman) chose to work for (and had the abilities for) I could achieve. Nothing interfered with my progress … no law, no corporate entity, no individual. 

I see no “war on men” either. Yes, in some USA states the divorce laws regarding custody (and such) remain gender biased however that has radically changed in recent decades and is continuing to equalize. Unless you count celebrity divorce settlements … but those people don’t live in the “real world” like the rest of us.

You want to see real “war” on individuals? Move to a country which has a religious or militaristic government, that’s where you will see the horrible (codified) treatment that women and men suffer.

As for the women in the media and their man-hater ideas … they are talking-heads, easy to ignore (or laugh at) and they do not affect your life. These are the same nut-jobs that are campaigning to remove the term “bossy” from public life because calling a little girl bossy will squelch her aspirations to become a “boss” later in her career life. :rofl: Fell out of my chair laughing at that one. Where do they come up with this nonsense?!


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

This is a non-starter article.

There has been a very clear trend of men and women marrying later since the 70s, I believe. The data supports that trend continuing. 

In good news for men, only 76% of women require their potential mate to have a steady job. I'd bet that is a significant decrease compared to, say, 1966.

*Chances are that in 1966 much fewer than 46% of men needed their spouse to have a steady job.* Per the report, nearly half of men want their wives to work today: THAT is the big news, IMO.

Lastly- still coming out of the biggest economic turmoil in 75 years, 91 employed men per 100 youngish-marriage-aged women; those are good odds. I'd take 91/100 in just about any situation.

Moving on....


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

It is very hard to take care of other people (wife, kids) when you cannot take care of yourself. In todays world, taking care of yourself is HARD enough. Try adding a wife and kids to the picture and the rest of society starts to count down the 'will it be divorce, killing, or depression medication?' 

Love is a very powerful emotion but so is stress AND they both can kill you.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I think _everyone _should be looking for a spouse who can hold down a steady job. Men are foolish if they don't consider that a criteria for marrying someone. 

It's not all about the money (though these days, it's hard to raise families without it!); it's also about being _responsible _and _capable _as an individual.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

norajane said:


> I think _everyone _should be looking for a spouse who can hold down a steady job. Men are foolish if they don't consider that a criteria for marrying someone.
> 
> It's not all about the money (though these days, it's hard to raise families without it!); it's also about being _responsible _and _capable _as an individual.


At 16, I had to take a leap of faith, so did my wife.


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## Peaches and cream (Sep 30, 2014)

Some excellent posts I might say. Here is my take on it all. I say do not have sites for men and women seeking marriage... this is why I say it. I have been married three times now. The first one was always threatening me and taking cocaine ,smoking, drinking until drunk... etc....he filed on me once I had a son. Then the second one was looking for a second mommy.... he ran around on me also. This one said he was seeking marriage but so far all I can see in him is a need for a woman to take care of the house make money and wait on him while he spends his time on the internet surfing porn and singles sites. In every instance the man who I was married to said it was my fault they divorced me. It is always the woman's fault according to men. I am very glad I am no beauty queen because they really have problems.. all men want them... I do not want that. I just wanted a stable man in a strong very good relationship... It never happens to me. I am pretty sure I am not alone in that. Now, I just wait and save my money for my escape plan. I no longer believe in the american male. It is way too easy for him to abuse women and get free sex whenever he chooses then lie to his wife about it. Done with it. God help me.For all you ladies who think the men will be there for you when you get old and need them .. forget it.. it mainly does not happen that way.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel sorry for my daughter.. so much I would say but I've said it so many times.. others don't care.. we have reaped what we have sown in a society that no longer values .. Marriage & commitment...
> 
> We have 5 sons.. being raised in our home... seeing that Marriage has been a blessing.. I know they want to take this path as well.. my husband said to me one day.. "I hope we haven't given them unrealistic expectations" ..
> 
> ...


I feel a bit sorry for mine as well. All the shows and movies are this love conquers all nonsens that just isn't reality. My hope is that they will become strong and independant women who don't view relationships as their highest commodity in life. It seems to be a loosing battle. I won't ever recommend they get married but as a wedding present will pay for each of them to have a prenup and marriage counseling.....if they go that route


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

lots of threads with a similar topic. no men, need to have written permission for having sex, yuck. Where are we headed as a society?


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Why is it always the men that are the problem? 
There aren't enough marriageable men now. There aren't any good guys anymore. 

Why is it always the fault on the guys? Why does every study that comes out on this subject always point the finger at the men, and ask "Why are you failing? Why aren't you more attractive to women? Why aren't you proposing to women like you should be?"

I also find the first statistic interesting. 
"What do women look for?" 
Steady job. 

Now does steady job mean, I have a job, and work a 40 hour week for a normal wage? Or does it mean I have a college degree and earn in at least the middle class income bracket, with the expectation it will only go up?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If I ever marry again, I want a woman with a steady job (with benefits, no less) so I can be a househusband.


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

The white male is under attack in today's society. For example, where I work the first question our HR and attorneys ask when you would like to fire someone is whether they are in a protected class or not. (If you happen to be African American, or a women then it takes an act of god to be fired.) For starters, you are put on a performance improvement plan for 6 months. If that doesn't work they generally will try to bribe you out but offering you 6 months salary. If you are white guy (no love for hispanics or asian guys either) it is no problem to fire someone - immediately. 

Why is that? And what forces are at play culturally that feed into that? Why must I pay for the crimes of generations past? 

Why is it fair that in most jurisdictions the wife automatically gets custody of the kids? What message does that send to children about their father. How does that affect their perception long term on what is going where one party has the ability to color events?



Married but Happy said:


> If I ever marry again, I want a woman with a steady job (with benefits, no less) so I can be a househusband.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Certainly money is an issue but guess what ladies, I tell my sons to don't get hitched to a gal with $60,000 in student debt. And don't both go on a mortgage when only one of you is working and you're not legally married. 

Because this is earth, this is the real world.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Certainly money is an issue but guess what ladies, I tell my sons to don't get hitched to a gal with $60,000 in student debt. And don't both go on a mortgage when only one of you is working and you're not legally married.
> 
> Because this is earth, this is the real world.


I think that's excellent advice for sons and daughters, both. People need to be smarter about money right from the start. Financial independence and financial security matters.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Well there are some men like myself who are just choosing never to marry or have kids. When I was 20 I wanted a wife and kids. Now that Im 30? You couldnt pay me to bother with either. If youre a male with a career, property, retirement funds, etc getting married is damn near nonsensical.

I let my family know a couple of years back I had no plans to marry or father children and why. My parents, especially my mom, understood completely. 

And fortunately as an ER nurse I dont have to worry about finding a job. I do find the reactions from women I know who ask why Im single or not married hilarious when I tell them why. They range from confusion, shock, anger, and I think a couple of times even some underlying fear.

I think its kind of ironic pro marriage forums like this pretty much solidified my intention to never get married

I am glad to see more and more men my age and younger writing marriage off.


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