# need emotional connection/ why won't he help



## fairydust (Mar 28, 2009)

Many times over this last year I've told my H how much I need him to talk to me because I'm losing the emotional connection. I did the compartmentalization for a long time but that's no longer enough for me. I need him to communicate with me. I do still have questions of the affair and because she still lives across from us it is very difficult for me. 

He often tells me he will but when the day comes around he finds an excuse not to talk. We're suppose to this coming Saturday after yet another weekend of excuses. This is pretty much my last hope. I don't want to continue living like this and I don't get him not wanting to help me especially since I told him I need the emotional connection. I haven't had the desire for sex without the connection.

Our whole relationship has almost disappeared because of him holding off talking to me.

I just don't get it.

Why would you not want to talk when your partner has told you over and over again that she's losing the connection and no longer has sex with you. I just don't get it.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

IDK either. I was in the same boat. Now, here I am too. Just like all the rest of us here. 

Maybe it's time to move on. Try a "trial" separation. See if that doesn't wake him up. 

Have you tried counseling? Both single and couples? 

I guess it depends on whether or not HE wants to keep things together. I understand you do...but, right now, it's effectively his call. 

Prepare your exit plan. Save money, close joint accounts. Get ready for the worst, but be glad of the best.


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## fairydust (Mar 28, 2009)

I know he wants to stay together but I'm sure he was hoping my questions would just disappear. 

I guess I should said unfortunately we did go to MC and the counselor agreed with my H that I need to stop the questions and work on our other issues. Needless to say, I can't do that. I have many questions about our whole life together so that I can move on with him. As I told him I'm not looking for a reason to leave. I'm just looking for the truth so that I don't keep driving myself crazy.

I do feel confident in myself that if we don't talk this weekend that I'll need to do something drastic and start looking for another place. I'm tired of waiting. 

I wish I had a WS that would talk whenever I needed it.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

uh, WS? uh, Wall Screen?


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## fairydust (Mar 28, 2009)

As you all probably expected no conversation tonight... It's 9:00and he went to take a nap.... I'm quite sure I'll be sound asleep by the time he wakes up. I realize he worked OT today plus did some yard work but he's the one who said we'd talk tonight.

Can you believe he wanted sex before his nap... For once I finally didn't give in. I said I need the emotional connection, when are we going to talk... his reply: we will when I get up. I'll wake you up....

Isn't the f'ing nice of him. I'll be totally exhausted and he'll decide he'll talk. Don't mind me I'm in a dream world. He obviously wasn't planning on talking tonight or ever for all that matters.

Perhaps, since I finally stopped the sex he'll get the point or he can leave.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'm sorry, girl. Sounds like he's an idiot.  I know men are visual, sex is the barometrer of marriage/relationship ...but for women, it's the emotional connection. I wish I knew what to say/do...I'm lost, too. 

Don't stop the sex if it's what you want, too. Talk afterwards. Anything, girl. Just try. ... Or hold the sex until he holds you. Try to connect! Sex is nice.  But I know you need more...


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## fairydust (Mar 28, 2009)

I wish I had the desire for sex but I've gone way too long with the emotional disconnect and many, many times have told my H that and he still doesn't get it.

I guess I could push him into another affair by withholding the sex but I don't know what else to do at this point. I just don't have it in me anymore. 

I know that fact that OW lives across from us is destroying me and I wish we could move but I'm not living in a fantasy world. A move is just not possible right now. 

All I'm asking for is talking so I can reconnect and desire sex again. He is an idiot!!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Do you feel like you already have the answers to any of the questions you want him to address?

I guess what I'm saying is; do you know what he's going to say, but _hoping_ he will say something different?


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## fairydust (Mar 28, 2009)

There were a few questions I asked over and over but he won't answer.

I also have questions about other affairs. He claimed only twice but those of course are the one's I found out about. I have a feeling there were others, possible due to his past drug and alcohol addictions but I'd like confirmation of that. He claims it was only the two that I conveniently found out about and he denied them both at first but I made his confess when I had actual proof.

As you see, he has never disclosed anything to me first, so that in itself doesn't make me feel very good.

I want to know has he cheated throughout our relationship. As I told him I think he did throughout it but that I wasn't planning on leaving I just wanted to know so I don't continue to think my thinking was crazy.

After his last affair it makes me wonder if all those other times I questioned things that maybe more was going on than getting together with friends and partying. See he would often not answer his phone, come home late, twice not until morning, would have a fit if I looked in his wallet or car.. when I think about all this... it doesn't look very good!


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