# Husband left this morning-is this the end?



## committed1217 (May 18, 2013)

My story is on the CWI forum but I guess it now belongs over here. (How to stop their friendship (affair). This was my last post on CWI. No idea what will happen now. Still want to save my marriage if possible. Will do anything to keep my family complete.

Well, he left. I confronted him with a text from the OW saying "I'm so proud of you, not just today but always. XXXXXXXX" I asked him to at least tell me the truth and he was silent. He said I already know the reason he is leaving. Because he doesn't want to be vulnerable to me or anyone else. He wants to go find himself. AND they are just friends. I asked for him to please stay and work on building our relationship. He said no. I was confused as to why she was "proud" of him, but it was clear to me when I went to help him pack and discovered that his closet was empty. 
I made him tell the kids, he was just going to walk out without speaking to them. He said, I don't want to be married anymore and I'm going to live at grandmas until I get my own house. Then he left. No hug the kids good bye, no sorry, no not to worry I'll take care of you, I love you, nothing.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Theres not much you can do right now but take care of you and the kids. Make sure he doesn't bleed the money away. Seek a free consultation with an attorney and get some of your rights squared away. You must now go no contact, only visiting with kids set up 3-4 days in advance via email. Make sure he picks them up on the sidewalk, you in the house, and he doesn't come in.

Your gonna have to let him go if you want to have a chance to save this. Only he can find out that the grass isn't greener, especially when divorce or separation papers make him realize his new relationship is gonna be almost broke due to child support.

He may come back, he may not. But if you don't risk it all, theres no chance. Stay strong, stay quiet, stay away. He'll realize eventually he's screwing up, but you will not be able to show him. He's gonna have to find that out for himself. His kids will also help flatten the new relationship when she realizes he's broke, and she's taking care of the kids when they are over there. Nothing breaks up an affair like instant family responsibilities.

Good luck


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

With the attitude he had when he left, you need to protect yourself.

Do the two of you have your money in joint accounts? If you do, go and withdraw more than half, I'd say 75% and open a new account in your name only. 

The reason I suggest 75% instead of 50% is because you have the children to take care of.

I also suggest that you see an attorney and file for divorce. Remember that a divorce can be stopped up to the moment when a judge files a final decree. Also it can be made to go on for a very long time.

When you file you can file for interim child support and spousal support. This is the support he'd have to pay until the divorce is final. This way you protect yourself and the children by having enough to live on.

The divorce also protects you from him running up all kinds of debt and using all the money for him and his girlfriend.

Then once you file and he's served, you can tell him that you will be glad to stop the divorce if and when he ends all contact with the OW, moves back in with you and starts to work on the marriage. 

He says he does not want to be married any more? Well he has responsibilities that he cannot walk away from. So by filing you are letting him experience the wonders of being divorced. It can be quite an eye opener.

Is the OW married?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

So sorry you're here.
It sounds like he has been planning.. So run to the bank and make sure the money is there. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that he's already taken money out "Because he's got to live."
Set up some counseling for you and the kids. How absolutely horrible for them that there own father would treat them like that.
Go see an attorney.
Come back here often for support.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

committed1217 said:


> My story is on the CWI forum but I guess it now belongs over here. (How to stop their friendship (affair). This was my last post on CWI. No idea what will happen now. Still want to save my marriage if possible. Will do anything to keep my family complete.
> 
> Well, he left. I confronted him with a text from the OW saying "I'm so proud of you, not just today but always. XXXXXXXX" I asked him to at least tell me the truth and he was silent. He said I already know the reason he is leaving. Because he doesn't want to be vulnerable to me or anyone else. He wants to go find himself. AND they are just friends. I asked for him to please stay and work on building our relationship. He said no. I was confused as to why she was "proud" of him, but it was clear to me when I went to help him pack and discovered that his closet was empty.
> I made him tell the kids, he was just going to walk out without speaking to them. He said, I don't want to be married anymore and I'm going to live at grandmas until I get my own house. Then he left. No hug the kids good bye, no sorry, no not to worry I'll take care of you, I love you, nothing.


She's not just a friend.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

committed1217 said:


> I confronted him with a text from the OW saying "I'm so proud of you, not just today but always. XXXXXXXX" I asked him to at least tell me the truth and he was silent. He said I already know the reason he is leaving. Because he doesn't want to be vulnerable to me or anyone else. He wants to go find himself.


ARRRGGGHHH!!! This angers me like no tomorrow...really hitting my issues. I saw correspondence between wife and OM...and it was same thing...OM was giving advice and supporting her to take the adult step for independence "No point in self-immolating for the sake of someone else's feelings." Self-immolating...like I am some friggin' monster holding her back!!! I'm the dumbass who kept taking her back after years of cheating, lying, overeating, avoiding sex/intimacy, overspending and massice debt accumulation. This guy is a buffoon and has no clue about what he is getting into. Then he can go self-immolate or self-emasculate...I CARE NOT!

Anyway...all you can do is take action...and don't get lost pining for someone's affections who isn't ready to return them..He may wake up and see the light down the road, who knows, but IT WON'T HAPPEN unless you just let him go, protect yourself, set up stiff boundaries...that he will not be rewarded for his insanity...and any victory he gets is going to have to be hard fought. You must expect getting treated with respect...or basically you have to pretend he is talking in a foreign language to you when he is being a jerk. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have been on your end...and felt panicked, lost, and scared and really mussed things up and set a bad precedent for things cos I didn't fight for myself. Some days you won't feel like getting out of bed, but you must plan each day what you HAVE to accomplish, and you don't get to go hide away until it is done...and then be kind to yourself where you sceidule hideaway days...cutting of all communication.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

committed1217 said:


> My story is on the CWI forum but I guess it now belongs over here. (How to stop their friendship (affair). This was my last post on CWI. No idea what will happen now. Still want to save my marriage if possible. Will do anything to keep my family complete.
> 
> Well, he left. I confronted him with a text from the OW saying "I'm so proud of you, not just today but always. XXXXXXXX" I asked him to at least tell me the truth and he was silent. He said I already know the reason he is leaving. Because he doesn't want to be vulnerable to me or anyone else. He wants to go find himself. AND they are just friends. I asked for him to please stay and work on building our relationship. He said no. I was confused as to why she was "proud" of him, but it was clear to me when I went to help him pack and discovered that his closet was empty.
> I made him tell the kids, he was just going to walk out without speaking to them. He said, I don't want to be married anymore and I'm going to live at grandmas until I get my own house. Then he left. No hug the kids good bye, no sorry, no not to worry I'll take care of you, I love you, nothing.


C1217, 
How did the kids take it? 

Best thoughts your way....to you and your kids. 

HL


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