# how to feel wanted in a sexless marriage without cheating



## silentlyscreaming (Oct 29, 2012)

how do i still feel wnted or sexy as a 32 yr old woman n a nearly sexless marriage. ok a little history ok my husband is 24 yrs greater than i but that isnt the problem. there are times which endused by alcohol r whatever that the sex can be fun, all night, and awesome. but without that it has become a marriage that is just more like a schedule. other than the drunken nights every six months r so it has come to the point where i acutally have to ask him ok do u think i can have some tonight, n dont get me wrong he does but its the same thing time after time. not really any foreplay, nothing different, then thats it untill the next time i ask doyou think i can have some tonight. and how do i (without cheating) still feel sexy and wanted as a woman. it is very difficult as a woman not to feel sexy in the eyes of ur husband. it has even made me start to get low self esteem and i have never been that way. dont get me wrong i am far from perfect with a far from perfect body but have for the most part felt, other than the normal little things here n there, pretty comfortable about myself. this is my second marriage, my first one i was unfaithful and until the day he passed he never found out about my infidelities but it was always in my mind and heart andi dont want to ruin this marriage (in my heart). 
and i have tried talking to him about it and at first it was that he wasnt working and he felt like he didnt deserve me because he was unemployed and once he got a job it did seem to get better for a while but then it has fell flat again and he says that he will make it beter but i dont want it to be too late by the time he makes it right. the longer it goes on like this it seems to get harder to feel attractive when we are together and i dont want that to fade away but what gives. need help here bad to save this marriage.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When was the last time your husband saw a dr? He could have a mental illness or a physical problem. Those should be your first place to look.

Of course, that assumes HE wants to solve this problem too. If he doesn't, well, no amount of advice you get here is going to do any good.


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## silentlyscreaming (Oct 29, 2012)

i have bought up the subject of a dr due to his age and he dosnt want to hear of it. he says that due to this problem r that problem in our lives he dosnt think he deserves me. like i said in my earlier post we had this problem before when he was unemployed and like i said when he got a new job it was fixed for a little while. now back at this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He doesn't think he deserves you?? That sounds like depression or something like that to me. It also sounds like he doesn't really care about this whole problem.

What are you going to do about that? You can't change him, you can only change yourself. You have to decide what you're going to do, assuming he doesn't change. You can:
- stay and just keep doing nothing
- cheat on him
- get a divorce

You can only work on the problem WITH him, not in spite of him.


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## LearninAsWeGo (Oct 20, 2012)

A guy - even if he's in good shape - at that age won't be able to keep up with your drive, and your drive will keep going up until ~40 and his will keep going down.

Why don't you cut your losses and find a guy your age instead of just a trying to force things with a sugar daddy? Let him find a lady closer to his age to travel and relax with, and you can enjoy your adult life with someone with more similar sex drive and more common interests. JMO


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I suppose you should be up front with him..... tell him you want relations on a regular basis, say every week or two, or if he won't then you want out of the marriage.

Honesty, brutal honesty, is the only way to hold your head up high and be fair to both of you.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

LearninAsWeGo said:


> A guy - even if he's in good shape - at that age won't be able to keep up with your drive, and your drive will keep going up until ~40 and his will keep going down.
> 
> Why don't you cut your losses and find a guy your age instead of just a trying to force things with a sugar daddy? Let him find a lady closer to his age to travel and relax with, and you can enjoy your adult life with someone with more similar sex drive and more common interests. JMO


If my drive, physical intensity, strength, physique is outstanding compared than the "younger" guy, how is his better?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

LearninAsWeGo said:


> A guy - even if he's in good shape - at that age won't be able to keep up with your drive, and your drive will keep going up until ~40 and his will keep going down.
> 
> Why don't you cut your losses and find a guy your age instead of just a trying to force things with a sugar daddy? Let him find a lady closer to his age to travel and relax with, and you can enjoy your adult life with someone with more similar sex drive and more common interests. JMO



I couldn't agree with you more. :iagree::iagree:


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OP a mans drive can still be very high in his 50's and beyond. Don't just accept that at your partners age his drive has to be low.

Ask him if he wants to fix this, if he does he will make the effort. If he has no interest in fixing it then there is nothing you can do.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If I was 50 years old and I had a 30 year old wife, that would seem to be every guy's dream situation.

But when you really think about it, at age 50, I am going downhill, test levels are dropping and I am old.

My wife at 30 would be in her prime, entering her sexual prime, HD and young.

It's like me marrying my daughter age wise.

Now I know a few couples that are 15+ years apart and it seemed to work, until he got older......

Short of him taking test shots from the Dr. and going to the gym and weight training, nothing you can do anymore.


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