# I hate giving up time with my daughter!



## aqua123 (Feb 3, 2012)

Let me get this straight....HE cheated, HE chose to abandon his family for his new girlfriend, HE moved out, but I have to be the one to sacrifice time with my daughter so he gets his fair share too? 

My STBXH has been fine with our arrangement for the last 3 1/2 months since he moved out. He gets our 3 year old daughter Monday evening and keeps her until I pick her up Tuesday evening when I get off of work. He never tries to see her any other day of the week, never calls to ask if he can stop by and pick her up to take her to the park or whatever. He rarely even calls to tell her goodnight or ask how she's doing.

Last night, out of the blue, he asks if he can spend more time with her. He's wanting to keep her Sunday evening through Tuesday evening every week. I explained that once the divorce is finalized, he will likely get her every other weekend which breaks down to 2 nights every 2 weeks. That's exactly what he's getting her now, only now it is 1 night every week. He said he misses her and I said I'm sure he does but I have already had to sacrifice more time with her than I ever imagined and I'm not the one who did this and I'm not the one who left her. He got very cold and angry at that point and has refused to talk to me. 

I tried to tell him when he picked her up last night that he's welcome to come by any evening and spend time with her. He's not limited to just Monday night and Tuesday but I don't feel like I should have to sacrifice the time I get with her either. 

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and we've yet to discuss how/when he will spend time with our newborn. If he wants to see her, he will have to come to my house and do it there. 

After thinking about it and praying about it for a long time last night, I realized that whatever is best for my daughter is what I should be striving for. And having a good relationship with her daddy is best for her. So I sent him a text that I am willing to work something out so he can see her more. He hasn't replied.

I just don't know what to do or how to handle this. My children are my life, my happiness. Always have been. He never made our daughter a priority when we were together but now all of a sudden he wants her more, more, more?


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Sigh..

Sorry this is happening to you, pray and pray some more. 

Love you!


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

As much as it sucks, he has a right to see his daughter more than one day a week. At least he's not asking for 50/50 custody.

I couldn't agree with you more though. It's what's best for her that matters the most.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Yes, I agree, it does suck. I can't imagine, having a newborn as well! 

He needs a consistent schedule, and at that age, kids are better off going for short periods of time rather frequently. My daughter is that age, and when she goes for the whole weekend, we have an adjustment period when she gets back and she dreads going in teh first place, although she is happy and fine while she is there. It's just the transition that's hard. 

Maybe keep the Monday night, but then add in like a Thursday or Friday evening but not overnight? Maybe he can take her for ice cream? I'd be striving to solidify some sort of schedule. Have you spoken to a lawyer about the newborn? Not sure how that works. Sounds like your head is on straight, though, and you realize what's best although it sucks. Eventually you'll be thankful for the little breaks even though you'll miss them!


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## aqua123 (Feb 3, 2012)

Thanks for the replies, guys. 

Right now, I'm thinking your suggestion sounds pretty good, Lonely. Maybe he could pick her up Friday evenings for a couple hours and take her to the park or hang out at the house for a while. I even told him last night if he's not comfortable being at the house with me there, I will go to my parents' house across the street so he can have uninterrupted time with her. Since he hasn't responded to my text yet, I'm not sure where his head is though.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Wholly-molly, my heart just breaks for you.
Of course he's entitled to see his daughter, but visitation must be what's in the child's best interest, not the parents. Children are not property that parents have a "right" to possess. The idea of evening visitation would seem to work better than extended days away from home. Of course, I'm just thinking of how my kids were at that age. They hated having to sleep somewhere else, unless it was with me.
You will have a morality clause in the visitation agreement so that the new girlfriend is not around, won't you? Hard to truly enforce but cheaters really hate it, and their lack of judgment in these matters has already warranted it.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

aqua123 said:


> Thanks for the replies, guys.
> 
> Right now, I'm thinking your suggestion sounds pretty good, Lonely. Maybe he could pick her up Friday evenings for a couple hours and take her to the park or hang out at the house for a while. I even told him last night if he's not comfortable being at the house with me there, I will go to my parents' house across the street so he can have uninterrupted time with her. Since he hasn't responded to my text yet, I'm not sure where his head is though.


Yep, an arrangement like that would be great. However, not sure how comfortable he'll be at the house for much longer, considering he'll be getting pressure from the OW. My ex took the kids for ice cream every Tuesday for awhile, and then stopped as soon as he moved in with his girlfriend and will only take them if he can sleep over. And as for the morality clause, I had one, but he wouldn't sign the agreement and those rarely hold up in court. :/ 

Initiate a schedule and see if he bites. Then, when the divorce goes through, the precedent will be set and you won't get screwed over.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I feel like you do, why does the cheater get so much say. I'm fighting the best I can to get legal custody but am no where near figureing out visitation etc. It will be super hard I'm sure.


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## Davi (Apr 20, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> As much as it sucks, he has a right to see his daughter more than one day a week. At least he's not asking for 50/50 custody.


:iagree::iagree:...I think you are right


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