# Husband rather go fishing than sort our relationship out [emoji30]



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

Back story- 10 weeks ago I left my husband with our two children. One of my stipulations of me coming back to the family home and trying to mend our relationship, was to undergo counselling. So far we've had one session because every time I book another follow up session, my husband refuses to have my parents come watch our children so we can go. He believes they're the reason I left him and filled my head with nonsense. So I've looked for babysitters to please him and to no avail they all have cancelled at last minute on us. So we finally have a babysitter and have had a standing couples counselling apt for 2 weeks now and conveniently he tells me he has arranged a fishing trip with his friend on the morning of our appointment. He has known about this appointment for the 2 weeks now. I told him no we need to go to this appointment but now he is complaining about not being able to go fishing. That's obviously more important to him than keeping his marriage right? So tempted to say go fishing but we won't be here when you get home!! I'm sure it won't bother him though. Feeling very hurt and not loved and certainly not worthy of his attention and commitment to this marriage anymore. Sorry just needed a vent!! 


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Oh I'm sorry you're going through this. 
How long have you guys been married? 

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## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> What kind of "nonsense" did your parents fill your head with (according to your husband)?




Apparently they don't like him and he always feels not welcome in there presence. Which is not the case. My husband has done some fairly unsavoury things by me and our children in the past and they are aware of it, but certainly don't intend to make him feel uncomfortable. It's just how he feels and I suppose he has a lot of guilt attached to it and would rather blame them than look at the bigger picture or do the work to help himself. His family has hurt me a lot in the past ( been even incidents of physical violence towards me from his family members) and I no longer have anything to do with them and limit the time my children spend with them because of these past issues to protect myself and them. He just cannot understand it and the impact it's had on me physically and mentally and I suppose now is punishing me by not letting my family have anything to do with us. Tit for Tat kind of thing. 


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## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> Oh I'm sorry you're going through this.
> How long have you guys been married?
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk




We've been together 6 years in Aug and married 2 of those years Mrs Aldi. 


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

When did his attitude change? 
Your parents only want the best for you. 
Why does his family act with violence? 
I don't blame you for cutting them out of your life. 

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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I would want to remove them from my life too....it's not "none sense" that you want to protect yourself and your kids.
Him arranging a fishing trip on the date that have scheduled counseling is a way. For him to feel like he has some control back. He needs to get his priorities straight if he wants to attempt to sort this out.



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## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

No I wanted them to be but he talked me out of it! Which now I'm regretting as it would of made the following year or so now so much easier to manage. At first our girls were not allowed to go
down there ( as I always wanted ) but as time went on he manipulated me into letting stay for day visits then eventually overnight sleeps once a week to two nights per week and so on. The reason why I allowed it to eventuate to that was I was suffering from depression and PTSD from a family member of his physically assaulting me in front him and our two children. I just simply couldn't fight anymore and the only way I could get some control back was to leave. There was other issues too such verbal abuse from him for years and he wouldn't help me around the house with chores plus he rather have so called " him " time rather than be present as a husband/ father. So I just gave up and left I thought stuff it I'm technically a single mother anyway so I should just make it officially! If you get my drift? 


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## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> When did his attitude change?
> Your parents only want the best for you.
> Why does his family act with violence?
> I don't blame you for cutting them out of your life.
> ...




His attitudes changed after I left him. 
No idea why the do so, but if they don't get what they want rather than accepting it, they fight back with violence and words. Behaviour like that is not what I want for my girls to be exposed to, let alone perceive that as normal behaviour. Which is why now I've stopped allowing the girls to see them.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Hillbilly hand-fishing?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sounds to me like he's giving you his answer by choosing to go fishing instead. Time to start planning divorce.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

syhoybenden said:


> Hillbilly hand-fishing?


I'm stumped. What does this have to do with the price of beans?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

When a person shows you who they are, believe them. He doesn't want to do the work. You can't do it all by yourself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So, when are you going to divorce him?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You stipulated that marriage counseling was necessary. Regardless of whether or not he goes, the issue appears to be that you did not enforce a boundary. When that happened, he pushed you to see if you would hold firm or fold.

It appears you have folded.

Any boundary that is stated is worthless if not enforced. He sees no immediate consequences for his actions. He goes fishing, you stay home and stew. Thus, your boundary was not/is not respected.

Either you let the marriage counseling go and stay, or tell him he has to go to counseling with you or you will leave. From my perspective, that's where the situation stands right now.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How is it going @taffyc ?

I presume you are in the UK?

Have you got a solicitor yet?
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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> How is it going @taffyc ?
> 
> I presume you are in the UK?
> 
> ...


Post 9: malodorous-missive-missile?


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## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

I'm in Australia actually  
We have come to an agreement and counselling appointment still stands for tomorrow. But from here on in I'll be making the appointments and we need to stick to them. But I'll keep my feelers open! if I sense a whiff of resistance then I will have to take further action. 


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

Fishing is fun working on a marriage is work. He is lazy and thinks you'll accept his bad behaviour.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

taffyc said:


> I'm in Australia actually
> We have come to an agreement and counselling appointment still stands for tomorrow. But from here on in I'll be making the appointments and we need to stick to them. But I'll keep my feelers open! if I sense a whiff of resistance then I will have to take further action.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Ha! Sorry! 

It was because you spell properly! 

Just check out your rights.
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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IIWY, I would go to a lawyer and have divorce papers printed out, and give him a copy. Then inform him that the next time he makes an excuse not to attend therapy, that's all he'll have left of you.

Personally, I would be gone anyway, if he watched a family member assault you and do nothing. Your kids are better off not living with him. And they are your priority now, not him.


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## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

So husbands latest thing to do in retaliation to me wanting couples therapy is to refuse to get out of bed till 9 am sometimes even midday. He used to do it all the time prior to our separation and stopped after I came back to the relationship. So would get up around7-8am and help me
with organising the girls or doing a few dishes etc. lately he's just gone back to his old ways. This morning I came in asking if he could wake up so I could squeeze a cat nap in. I've been up since 4 am with our youngest and I only went to bed at midnight. So I'm exhausted. I asked him to get up so I could have a sleep and I was promptly told to **** and stop annoying him. He's been asleep since midnight as well so he's now had his whole 9 - 10 hours. Feeling beyond frustrated  


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He is as useful as a chocolate fireguard!
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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And you're still there...why?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

taffyc said:


> So husbands latest thing to do in retaliation to me wanting couples therapy is to refuse to get out of bed till 9 am sometimes even midday. He used to do it all the time prior to our separation and stopped after I came back to the relationship. So would get up around7-8am and help me
> with organising the girls or doing a few dishes etc. lately he's just gone back to his old ways. This morning I came in asking if he could wake up so I could squeeze a cat nap in. I've been up since 4 am with our youngest and I only went to bed at midnight. So I'm exhausted. I asked him to get up so I could have a sleep and I was promptly told to **** and stop annoying him. He's been asleep since midnight as well so he's now had his whole 9 - 10 hours. Feeling beyond frustrated
> 
> 
> ...


What is the benefit of this marriage to you again?


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## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

None really!  we have two daughters so I suppose the only thing that is keeping me here is them being with their dad. 


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Many divorced dads come back to tell us that they spend better time with their kids than they did when they all lived together - because it MEANS something.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Doesn't sound to me that your husband is interested in counselor. probably thinks the marriage is fine the way it is.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

When is enough for you?

You place boundaries and he tears them down. You try to set up boundaries and he tears and stomps them down again. 

Nothing has changed for better, it has gotten worse. When are you going to wake up and take control of your life and care for the well being of your girls?

The coward reigns until the brave one allows it, is a saying we have in our country. Your husband being the coward. You need to step up to the plate taffy!


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