# is it cheating



## mylife2469 (Jun 10, 2016)

if a man promises to stop watching/looking at porn but continues to sneak and do it is it cheating


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

No. Lying yes. Cheating no.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Depends on the boundaries established in the relationship.

Is it Cheating-it comes down to what your partner thinks of porn.If your partner thinks it's a form of cheating, then yes, for them it is

Is it lying -most definitely


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why is he looking at porn?

Has that been established?


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## Capricious (Sep 21, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> No. Lying yes. Cheating no.


Agree with this.

What is important here is how you see it.


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## vel (Aug 27, 2016)

The man shouldn't have promised not to look at porn in the first place, poor sucker.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Lying, not cheating. BTW, did you badger or threaten him into agreeing not to watch porn? Or did you negotiate with him? If the former, you're at fault as much or more than him; in the latter case, he's at fault - but it's still just lying, not cheating.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Capricious said:


> Agree with this.
> 
> What is important here is how you see it.


OP can have anything as a deal break. Him looking at porn. Picking his nose. Anything. And she can leave the relationship for any reason that is important to her.

If she sees this as a major deal and he does not, they are at an impasse. 

She can always leave.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Why is he looking at porn?
> 
> Has that been established?


It is mostly obvious why guys look at porn. :wink2:


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If a wife forbids a husband is she acting more like his mommy than his girlfriend?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

She has much deeper relationship issues. Read some of her other posts" "A 40 year old woman and a 37 year old man. Sex 3 minutes every two weeks. Most nights I sleep in chair in kitchen. He says give him time. I say bullcrap. He's got to be getting it some where else. In 10 years from new love to roommates that don't get along. "

OP is more of the victim here, not a controlling wife.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> It is mostly obvious why guys look at porn. :wink2:


My wife tells me to look at porn because she thinks it only fair as we have sex very sporadically if at all.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Not cheating (I haven't looked at your past posts). But it is a symptom of a bigger problem. I agree with MattMatt that he needs to get to the root of why he chooses porn over sex. Until he is ready for dealing with that he will keep promising and hurting you. I've been there but things are good now, so I give you hope.


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## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

I guess it could be considered cheating, since cheating is defined as deception.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> She has much deeper relationship issues. Read some of her other posts" "A 40 year old woman and a 37 year old man. Sex 3 minutes every two weeks. Most nights I sleep in chair in kitchen. He says give him time. I say bullcrap. He's got to be getting it some where else. In 10 years from new love to roommates that don't get along. "
> 
> OP is more of the victim here, not a controlling wife.


Sleeps in a chair in the kitchen?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Sleeps in a chair in the kitchen?


I was not trying to embarrass her. I hope she can offer more information so that we can be a larger help to here rather than just Yes/No on the cheating question.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> I was not trying to embarrass her. I hope she can offer more information so that we can be a larger help to here rather than just Yes/No on the cheating question.


No! You weren't embarrassing her!

I was actually angry for her!

Her husband is nowt but a $£&*%$! :rant:


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

@mylife2469

I have been in your situation so my advice comes from what helped us.

When my H would promise not to do porn anymore - he very much meant it - and therefore wasn't technically lying at the time. The problem was not so much the porn but why he kept going back to it in favour of our marriage and sex with me, even though he knew it hurt me and I was very lonely. 

His issues were with confidence, childhood trauma, and emerging ED which was much easier to deal with using porn than a human being. Your H's issues will no doubt be completely different. 

Until he has gotten to the bottom of what is going on I suggest stop asking him to promise you anything (and stop accepting a promise if offered). I would also draw some boundaries with regard to sharing a bed (no sleeping in different rooms). I would also give him a time frame to get his act together and stick to it. 

Remember porn is a red herring. Now me and my H have regular, good sex he has very little interest in porn, and tbh I wouldn't really care if he did as he is giving me enough attention for it not to be a threat. It is his neglect of you that is the big problem here, not so much the lying or masturbation. Try stay focused when you talk to him about this.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Personally I don't consider porn/masturbation to be cheating. With that said, if there's any interaction with a real person whatsoever online, like the anonymous video chatting/mutual masturbation then that's cheating. As long as there's no person on the other end participating with them then no. Keep in mind, that's only my opinion. If you think differently then that's your right.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> Sleeps in a chair in the kitchen?


My wife insisted that we have wooden chairs and use seat cushions. Most uncomfortable things ever. SO I dragged my old office chair into the kitchen. Swivel, leather, high back. Have fallen asleep in it many times.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In my minds eye, 

Deception = Cheating!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think that a promise not to use porn is an indication of serious pre-existing problems in a marriage. Those problems could be the fault of either both, or neither partner. 

If porn was not interfering with a normal sex life, then it wasn't a problem to start with. If it was interfering, then it was a problem. If the couple didn't have a happy sex life, then that itself was a problem.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

no of course it is not cheating


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## anonymity2929 (Oct 3, 2016)

Unless you are ready to be available to have sex with him 100% of the time when he wants it, porn isn't cheating. If he is going to the porn instead of you when you are always available, I could see why that would upset you. Otherwise, he probably figures he's doing you a favor by taking care of it himself.


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