# Dumb idea for a Christmas gift?



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I don't dance. Never learned how. Never really missed not knowing either.

My wife has always wanted to learn how to dance. She dances fine to me, but she says she doesn't. So for this Christmas, I bought her a gift certificate for dance lessons. 
She will be taking lessons alone since I don't dance.

Since she knows that I'm still working on finding passion for her, was this a bad gift idea?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

It would have been better if you got one for yourself as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I think it's a wonderful gift idea. However, just think of how much it would mean to her if you went with her just to try it.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Not a "bad" gift idea, but could have been better if you were going, too. I know, I know...you don't dance. Which is what would have made the gift even better if you were going. You're working to try to "find passion for her" again, so step ou of your comfort zone and onto the dance floor.

For the record, I don't dance, either. My W would like to take a ballroom dancing class sometime. We signed up for a free lesson as a promotion at the local Arthur Murray studio...and never heard back from them. So, we haven't been, but not for lack of trying. I have no interest in dancing, I have no rhythm, but if she's wiling to do the things I want to do for fun, who am I to tuen my nose up at something she wants to do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> I think it's a wonderful gift idea. However, just think of how much it would mean to her if you went with her just to try it.


:iagree:


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I thought the same thing that it would mean more if I went too. That's why I asked. I just can't dance, and have no desire to make a fool of myself other than the way I do now.

I have no rhythm at all. I'd look like Steve Martin in the early scenes of "The Jerk". People would give me money and say "Here, I hope they find a cure for whatever it is that you have."


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

yeah, under your current circumstances its pretty stupid and thoughtless. 

your sending her out to dance presumably with other men without you. In her state of mind, scared her husband might want to leave her.... what kinda message do you think that sends?

Why the f*ck wouldn't you go with her?!?!?


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## Jane Doe (Dec 19, 2011)

women love a man who dances with them, especially when it's their husband. and sometimes.... when it's not. don't let that happen.


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## Jane Doe (Dec 19, 2011)

p.s. you might be surprised with yourself. that's what lessons are for... to find your rhythm


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I can still attend and watch the lessons.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Go with her and it`s a good gift.

It shows you`re interested in what she`s interested in.
It shows you want to spend time with her having fun.

She goes herself it`s a crappy gift.

It shows you are willing to let her engage in dance with new strange different men.
It shows you don`t want to spend time with her.
It shows you`re not interested in what she`s interested in.

The fact that you can`t dance is a major reason why you should go.
They are dance "lessons" right?

Go with her and you thrill her, send her herself and you depress her.

Which do you want?

Consider it part of your penance hertoo and don`t be surprised if you find you`re enjoying yourself.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I took dance lessons with a bunch of people in school. Everyone is capable of learning. 

Take lessons with your wife. This will say a great deal to her. Especially knowing you don't dance.

It is as easy as SLOW, SLOW, QUICK, QUICK. No rhythm required.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

HerToo said:


> I can still attend and watch the lessons.


:wtf: Go back and get yourself a lesson too!! [email protected] IT! 

get on the phone, pull out your CC and buy one!!! NOW!!!! 

Ugggggggggggggggggg. :facepalm:


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I will at least go watch. Then, if the urge hits, or if QUITE a few shots of whiskey kick in, I'll join her.


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## Jane Doe (Dec 19, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I will at least go watch. Then, if the urge hits, or if QUITE a few shots of whiskey kick in, I'll join her.


yes, love seeing that! :smthumbup:


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

You need to suck it up and dance with her. Merry Christmas.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I agree Jane, the whiskey sounds good!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I will at least go watch. Then, if the urge hits, or if QUITE a few shots of whiskey kick in, I'll join her.



Except you won't. There will be a reason not to. You will find a reason not to dance with your wife. And you will be sending her a message, whether you intended to or not.

I, like you, can't dance. But I got her dance lessons for both us one Christmas. She loved that I made a fool of myself for her. She still talks about it, usually teasing me about my two left feet - and then I get lucky that night.:smthumbup:


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## lost2011 (Dec 12, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I don't dance. Never learned how. Never really missed not knowing either.
> 
> My wife has always wanted to learn how to dance. She dances fine to me, but she says she doesn't. So for this Christmas, I bought her a gift certificate for dance lessons.
> She will be taking lessons alone since I don't dance.
> ...


get one for yourself also!


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I refuse to make a fool of myself. I have a ton of lifetime baggage that goes with that statement that I won't get into in the post.

Going to watch is what I will do. If I change my mind and decide to join her, I will. I want to at least be there with her at the time of the lessons to encourage and support her.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I thought the same thing that it would mean more if I went too. That's why I asked. I just can't dance, and have no desire to make a fool of myself other than the way I do now.
> 
> I have no rhythm at all. I'd look like Steve Martin in the early scenes of "The Jerk". People would give me money and say "Here, I hope they find a cure for whatever it is that you have."


Sorry, change it to 'I will not dance'. I signed up with ballroom dancing lessons because I decided not to let fear of looking like a fool keep me from doing what I wanted to. There wasn't a single guy in the class who could dance, so I was completely at home. Man, I sucked. The instructor, however, stayed on me and I eventually quit bruising my wife's shins every class.

I don't know if every instructor is the same, but I only got to dance with my wife part of the time. Still, if I had not been there in the first ten minutes of each lesson, she would've felt like a fool because she would've been the only one in her class without a partner. I don't think your wife will like that, and besides, my instructor wouldn't let you sit there without joining her anyway.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I refuse to make a fool of myself.


Ok - not to be pointed - but really?? Don't you remember what you did that brought you to TAM in the first place? Is dancing with your wife - even if you look like you're having a fit - making a bigger fool of you than you've already made of yourself?? 

At least in this you can know that you are doing something FOR your wife where as the other, well let's just say it wasn't for your wife.

Remember I'm just as big a fool myself so I certainly don't mean to throw a stone at you that I'm not willing to hit myself with, and I'm just as bad a dancer. But if it's important to your wife what a perfect opportunity for you to really make up some ground. What's another ding in your pride really cost you??

Have you ever had dance lessons? Maybe you're really not that bad, just uneducated in how to do it right??


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I refuse to make a fool of myself. I have a ton of lifetime baggage that goes with that statement that I won't get into in the post.
> 
> Going to watch is what I will do. If I change my mind and decide to join her, I will. I want to at least be there with her at the time of the lessons to encourage and support her.


Then get her a different gift. Cause this gift will suck. And she won't use it. I wouldn't. My H can't dance. Hates it. I REALLY want to take ballroom dance lessons, but I don't want to go alone. I definitely don't want to go while he sits on the side, just watching. So he would waste his money if he got me this gift.

You will be too. Take that money and spend it on something else that shows you choose to put absolutely no effort into your marriage, but that she might use - like a book.

I know this sounds harsh - but you seemed like you were ignoring all the other advice and you needed a quick kick in the butt.


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## miscommunication (Oct 1, 2011)

Trust me I know how you feel about making a fool out of yourself. To me dancing is an intimate activity and I've been looking for a place where I can learn to dance. My wife is a very good dancer but I suck at it. So I want to surprise her by learning to dance and then taking her out. Don't know how I'm going to manage that but I really want it to be a surprise. My recommendation is join her. What could be more fun than the two of you sharing a laugh at your expense. Happy two stepping!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Your making a big mistake, missing a big opportunity. 

MAN UP, if you took dancing lessons with your wife you would be doing it for your wife and your marriage and for yourself......

If you think you are looking like a fool then you are a fool.....believe you me, no one will be looking at you, in class your are there to learn and no one gives a rats as how you look....they are their to learn not to gawk.

Their is nothing like dancing with the woman you live, the contact, look deep into each others eyes, when you are in that moment it's just the two of you even if you are on a dance floor with hundreds of others.

You know who look like a fool and even an ass is the "man" who sits and watches his wife take dancing lessons and dance with others while makingva bug deal that they don't dance or need whiskey to work up the 'courage'.

If your not going to take the lessons with her, get your money back for the certificate and get her a fancy electric can opener - it would be just as romantic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I thought the same thing that it would mean more if I went too. That's why I asked. I just can't dance, and have no desire to make a fool of myself other than the way I do now.
> 
> I have no rhythm at all. I'd look like Steve Martin in the early scenes of "The Jerk". People would give me money and say "Here, I hope they find a cure for whatever it is that you have."


It does not matter if you think you have rhythm or not. What do you think the class is for? It will help to teach you some of that.

You are looking for more passion in your relationship? One of the ways you find it is to do things with your spouse. Sometimes that means things that stretch your comfort zone.

Sending her to a dance class, for a type of dance that requires a couple, is a bit of negative thing... 

One of the problem with a lot of dance classes of this sort is that there are seldom enough men. So the women have to take turn dancing with the men there. So the women do not get in as much dancing. 

You should go and be her partner. It's really not much use for her to learn to dance if she has no one to dance with socially. It's like learning to paint but never having the money to buy the paint and brushes. What's the use?

Go with her... it will help your relationship. She will love it. You just might surpirse yourself and learn to at least like it, if not love it.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

HerToo said:


> I refuse to make a fool of myself.


And what, exactly, would you say you're doing by trying to R and "find passion for her again" following your A...then sending her to dance with another man on her own, while flatly refusing to paricipate yourself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GodIsWorking (Sep 12, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> yeah, under your current circumstances its pretty stupid and thoughtless.
> 
> your sending her out to dance presumably with other men without you. In her state of mind, scared her husband might want to leave her.... what kinda message do you think that sends?
> 
> Why the f*ck wouldn't you go with her?!?!?


That's the message I would assume at first for sure. Not good  At least not without you. Find something she wants to do that you would at least attempt and do with her.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

It would be dancing to today's hits. Not ballroom, swing or salsa kind of stuff. Just stuff where someone can dance on their own.


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## lost2011 (Dec 12, 2011)

I hate to dance and refuse to also but like Sigma said you put yourself in where you are. Knowing my wife would try something she hated and i loved without asking would speak volumes!


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## Sindo (Oct 29, 2011)

Your willingness to make a fool of yourself with her would mean a lot more than the dance lessons. If you're not doing it with her, don't bother.


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## lost2011 (Dec 12, 2011)

This one isn't about me. its HerToo's thread. Dancing is about the only thing i don't do with my wife. I make a fool of myself a lot for my wife.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I will at least go watch. Then, if the urge hits, or if QUITE a few shots of whiskey kick in, I'll join her.


Come on losen up and have some fun!!


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Only one person in this world wants to dance with you. Your wife. Everybody else in this class is going to be looking at the floor at their own two left feet. Your wife will be staring into your eyes. 

In short, no one will be looking at you dance. You dance - no one notices or cares. You don't dance or participate in lessons - this will become the centerpiece of every conversation related to this topic. Everyone will hear about how you can't dance. You draw more negative attention to yourself by NOT doing it. Suck it up. You'll earn the thanks ofyour wife and minimize the "humiliation" at the same time.

It's kind of like being bald ( which I am.) You try to comb it over and you let everybody know that your hair bothers you. You stay natural and act comfortable in your own shoes, and you wind up garnering more respect. So, go get dance lessons for yourself, fake your way through the lessons and earn yourself some respect.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Her too,

Holy crap. Every one of your posts on this board are full of excuses and petty reactions.

Get over it. Be a man, already. Who gives a shat if you can't dance. It's not even remotely about the dancing. It's about the time you spend with your wife.

Little story about excuses and rhythm.. My grandfather played the violin. Really well, bless his soul. I always wanted to learn. Every weekend as a kid id go over there and just listen to him play. It was fascinating.

But I have no rhythm. None. Seriously. So, I always came up with an excuse about why I shouldn't take lessons. No rhythm. Waste of time. I'll look like an idiot.

One day, I was driving in the city, and saw a big sign for a local music store. I'm not sure why came over me, but I just turned into the lot. Went into the store. And came out with a violin and lessons.
Years later.....you know what? I still have no rhythm. Years of looking at sheet music, it still looks Greek to me. No shat! I know what the notes are, but I, for the life of me, can't read the rhythm on the pages. Maybe a mental block. Not sure. But, also, years later, I play awesome! I love it. But...I have to actually get someone else to play the piece I'm practicing first to hear it to understand the rhythm. After tht, the rest is gravy. I even play in the community orchestra. And it's funny, because I always have to get someone to play the piece for me first. 

So the moral? Stop being a douche. Challenge your reality. Get scared. Make a fool of yourself. And most importantly, dance with your wife.

My gramps gave me his violin when he passed away. It's my favorite instrument now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Lovebug501 said:


> Then get her a different gift. Cause this gift will suck. And she won't use it. I wouldn't. My H can't dance. Hates it. I REALLY want to take ballroom dance lessons, but I don't want to go alone. I definitely don't want to go while he sits on the side, just watching. So he would waste his money if he got me this gift.
> 
> You will be too. Take that money and spend it on something else that shows you choose to put absolutely no effort into your marriage, but that she might use - like a book.
> 
> I know this sounds harsh - but you seemed like you were ignoring all the other advice and you needed a quick kick in the butt.


:iagree:
If you are not going to dance with her, don't give her this gift. 

You are sending her a message by not dancing, even if you are not intending to. I am not sure what message she will hear, perhaps it is that you can't be bothered to take part in activities with her, or that you want her dancing with other men, or maybe something completely different. Does not matter what you say, or what you mean, she will take something away from your actual actions of refusing to dance with her.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Good grief, this is yet another excuse for you to come back and whine that you don't have that "passion" for your wife any longer. This could be an opportunity to regain that spark. I don't think you have any intention of even trying to get the passion back. You want a divorce and you are just going through the motions so that in the end, you can say that you did all that you could but it just didn't work out. Your poor wife.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

get a surgical consult to get the pole removed from your ass


loosen up, it's all for fun- dance classes aren't for people to judge you, it for for people to help you and have a good time


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I will at least go watch. Then, if the urge hits, or if QUITE a few shots of whiskey kick in, I'll join her.


Let me just say (respectfully) I think you are acting like an idiot!

Take the lessons. Who cares if you look like a fool in class. Everyone will. DO NOT GIVE HER THIS GIFT WITHOUT YOU TAKING LESSONS!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

So. Survey says: Good idea for a Christmas gift. Really dumb execution of that gift by not going with her.

So what's the verdict Hertoo?


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

As a BW I thought it was a wonderful idea, at first. I thought was a sign of you putting her needs ahead of yours, that you were willing to go out of your comfort zone and show her how much you truly cared. When I saw that it was just for her, my reaction was quite different. I thought as a BS, why does he want me out of the house, is he looking for alone time? Maybe he just wants to get rid of me. Or, he doesn't want to rebuild a life with me, he wants me to start building a life without him. The list goes on and on. Please for the sake of your wife and her security, do not give her anything that will encourage alone time when you are supposed to be rebuilding your marriage. I'm pretty sure it will do more harm than good, even though your heart is in the right place.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

HELL YEAH!! dance with her!!! I'm willing to wager (lets take bets) to your wife this will be a very big step for you proving you love her. who give a rats ass if you make a fool of yourself, you will be laughing together again!! really laughing enjoying each other, what would that mean to your wife and R?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

strugglinghusband said:


> HELL YEAH!! dance with her!!! I'm willing to wager (lets take bets) to your wife this will be a very big step *for you proving you love her*. who give a rats ass if you make a fool of yourself, you will be laughing together again!! really laughing enjoying each other, what would that mean to your wife and R?



That's hertoo's big problem if you ask me


he is so wrapped up in whether he loves her or not, he isn't even trying to see if he can rekindle the flame. Even simple suggestions by his wife for dates and he is lackadaisical about anything she suggests. He'd rather wallow in his own misery than attempt to try something like this.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> That's hertoo's big problem if you ask me
> 
> 
> he is so wrapped up in whether he loves her or not, he isn't even trying to see if he can rekindle the flame. Even simple suggestions by his wife for dates and he is lackadaisical about anything she suggests. He'd rather wallow in his own misery than attempt to try something like this.


Exactly what I was thinking, although, only he truly knows if he loves her or not, I think he does, I really do... he has not forgivien himself yet and maybe dosent think he derserves her forgiveness or his own.... Mr.Miyagi (from the Karate kid) said "A man with no forgiviness in his heart, lives a fate worse than death"
That counts for forgiving yourself as well.


Not bashing you hertoo, JMHO....its gotta suck to be in your shoes...I feel for you.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Not a good idea if you aren't going to dance with her. Then it's just an empty gesture.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sorry to pile on, but I'm with the others. If you really want to find your passion for her, find something you can do together. How about a massage class? Or cooking? Or anything, just do it together.

As it is, it's 100% the wrong thing, and you're better off buying her a vacuum cleaner.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

karole said:


> Good grief, this is yet another excuse for you to come back and whine that you don't have that "passion" for your wife any longer. This could be an opportunity to regain that spark. I don't think you have any intention of even trying to get the passion back. You want a divorce and you are just going through the motions so that in the end, you can say that you did all that you could but it just didn't work out. Your poor wife.


Exactly AND he wants HER to divorce him. I hope she does go and falls in love with Fred Astaire and the two of them go dancing off in the sunset. 
You blew it but you will never see that until it is too late. Also, no worries about making a fool out of yourself....that ship has sailed. Your poor wife indeed.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Well, since no one had an opinion to share, I worked it out. 

I took my wife to the dance studio last night to let her see the place while classes were being conducted. I told her about the gift I got her, and told her that given the situation we are going through that I needed to tell her why I got it and that I was afraid it would be sending the wrong message if I didn't offer to join her. Which she agreed it would have (which is why I asked this question here in the first place). I also told her that I would be willing to give it a try with her. But that if I didn't feel comfortable, that I might need to opt out if it wasn't working for me (after a class or two). She wanted the same option for herself.

She also thought the gift was thoughtful since it was not something that I bought off of a list that she gave me of things she would like for Christmas.

Did anyone hear that loud pop as my head came out of my rear?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Thought I heard something... Good Job.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

now when you go just freakin relax and have fun with it


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Two whiskeys it is!!!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Well, since no one had an opinion to share, I worked it out.
> 
> I took my wife to the dance studio last night to let her see the place while classes were being conducted. I told her about the gift I got her, and told her that given the situation we are going through that I needed to tell her why I got it and that I was afraid it would be sending the wrong message if I didn't offer to join her. Which she agreed it would have (which is why I asked this question here in the first place). I also told her that I would be willing to give it a try with her. But that if I didn't feel comfortable, that I might need to opt out if it wasn't working for me (after a class or two). She wanted the same option for herself.
> 
> ...


I am the same as you. Wife always loved to dance - not me. Same reasons you gave. Biggest fear was looking like an idiot on the dance floor. Accept that you will have to put the image of how you look out of your mind and go for it. You are a novice - you are not expected to look like a pro.

Anytime I began to feel the twinge of self doubt, I just imagined myself sitting in a chair against the wall looking like an idiot while my wife enjoyed dancing in the arms of another man. 

Once I set my mind to it, we had loads of fun together.

BTW, practicing at home also has it's benefits.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Odds are no one in the class is going to be any better than you. If they could dance, they wouldn't be taking classes in the first place. Please, just give it a chance for your poor wife's sake.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Ohhh it was you, thought it was a sonic boom from a jet fighter...good job hertoo, good job!!!


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I'll just make an announcement similar to that guy in the movie "Stripes".

"If any of you even laugh at my dancing, I'll kill ya." - JOKE!!!!!!


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Let me tell you some thing.......if you want to reconnect with your wife take lessons in one of the Latin dances, lots of intimate contact, Salsa, Cumbia, Bachata.......Cumbia is the easiest to learn but does not have the high hot factor of Salsa.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

That did nothing but make me hungry. : )


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Hertoo......if your a single man....CHIPies and SALSA allways go good together!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Well done. As noted by others, there is a reason that all of you will be attending the dance class - you can't dance. So no one will notice how bad you look, they will all be worried about how they look.

I hope you and your wife have a great time.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I was encouraged when I say a dude dancing like Rainman. Although he was still kicking my butt for rhythm.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Look just an idea HerToo, I did this to improve my Salsa, go on YouTube you will find a number if good dance teachers put practice or instruction videos, and I booked and attended secret individual dance lessons......and lastly it was easier to work up the courage to take my loved one dancing at a club for the first time, it wad out of town. I booked a surprise weekend getaway to a great area and a great hotel that had a club. Eliminated the chance someone we knew would see us and I didn't care how rookie I looked because I would never see any if these people again....after two such trips we started dancing at home town clubs.

Also you should consider asking your wife to practice at home, great time and with us the last dance 8 out of 10 times was in our bedroom - sometimes we just just transitioned to horizontal dancing right were we were practicing.

A hint, the easiest way to improve your rhythm is to simply listen to the music your going to dance too......I was born and raised on CW and 70's rock, I bought some salsa CD and ITunes downloads - my dancing improved just by getting familure to the style of the music.

You will be suprised how good you get, just last weekend two guys approached me at the club wanting me to teach them a transition move I was using on my wife, my first lesson was six months ago.

Lastly I really believe you wife wanting an opt out option was for your benefit.....it's uncomfortable trying to learn to dance ir even just dance with someone who is uncomfortable and I bet she instinctively knows this......stick with it and don't let opt out.....and again transition to the Latin dance (I am not Latino, neighter is my my love).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I appreciate the suggestions and recommendations. I am over 50, have one knee ready for replacement, one ready for surgery to repair recent new damage, and my hips are expected to need replacing in a few years as well. So I'll do what happens when my brain tells my body to do this, and it does that.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Their are dance moves for every body type, I to am feeling the effects of playing football in high school and college and certain field jobs I had in the military. I know my body and only do what I can do, and what I can do is very fun......just build up to it. My SO and dancing partner are going to start lessons in a ball room type of
dancing - the kind of dance you use to see the audience dancing on the Lawrence Welk show, eye to eye, hand on her waist (some time on her bum) and holding hands....looking forward to it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Napoleon Dynamite Dance Scene - YouTube


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