# Calling it a mistake...



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Anyone else hate that? A mistake is like one bad decision. Not the series of decisions that lead to two ppl having intercourse.

Ive unfortunately become aware of every last detail of the night in question. Shes at a party, he kisses her. She kisses back. They flirt a while. They agree to leave the party. She drives to his house. Goes in. Proceeds heavy kissing and stuff and stripping clothes. She has to take her shirt off. Unfasten her bra. Undo her pants.

She said at first it was quick and dirty like less than a minute. No foreplay. Well, he had to get hard enough to put a condom on and i bet they werent talking about the weather while this was happening. Then he gets on top then she gets on top. Then its over.

To me, the mistake was not pulling away when he kissed her and insisting she was married. Everything else was a conscious and deliberate slap in the face to me the vows we took.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs Chai (Sep 14, 2010)

Jadiel said:


> Anyone else hate that? A mistake is like one bad decision. Not the series of decisions that lead to two ppl having intercourse.
> 
> Ive unfortunately become aware of every last detail of the night in question. Shes at a party, he kisses her. She kisses back. They flirt a while. They agree to leave the party. She drives to his house. Goes in. Proceeds heavy kissing and stuff and stripping clothes. She has to take her shirt off. Unfasten her bra. Undo her pants.
> 
> ...



You are right. 


Now what do you want to do about it?

Can you accept what she has done and move towards reconciliation (R)?

Or are you done?


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

As she did a mistake you too can make a mistake by serving her the D papers.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She cheated with you and she cheat on you. Surprised?


She is still lying...Ask her to take a polygraph test..It is hard to think this was her first affair. this woman seems to have a pattern.


Was separation ever considered? You seem to have forgiven her instantly.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> As she did a mistake you too can make a mistake by serving her the D papers.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You should probably confront the OM too.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> You should probably confront the OM too.


And can you really ever trust her after this?


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

Hell no he can't trust her again. What basis would he have. You can only trust someone who is trustworthy. She ain't. More importantly, why would he want to stay married and committed to a woman that would eagerly drive to another guys house for a romp in the hay. Think about it. What could she possibly have that would make a fellow stay married to someone who knifed you in the back and pass up an opportunity at all the other chicks who are superior? Cash in your chips with her Jad and roll the dice at some other tables. The odds are a damn site better.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Oops...he tripped an his penis fell into her vagina. 

Ummm - not a mistake. Yes, I hate reading about "mistakes". A mistake is when I forget to pack my kids a snack in their lunch. A mistake is when I forget to check my calendar before scheduling a meeting.

Any kind of kissing, petting, messing around...well, that's a conscious decision. Not a mistake.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Telling her marrying a cheater was a mistake...then rectify it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I love the ones who say "It just happened".

Wrong answer-the cheater ALLOWED it to happen.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

A mistake, according to the dictionary:

Noun
1. 
an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc. 

2. 
a misunderstanding or misconception.

Verb
3. 
to regard or identify wrongly as something or someone else: I mistook him for the mayor. 

4. 
to understand, interpret, or evaluate wrongly; misunderstand; misinterpret. 

So if we were to analyze the mistake:


> Anyone else hate that? A mistake is like one bad decision. Not the series of decisions that lead to two ppl having intercourse.
> 
> Ive unfortunately become aware of every last detail of the night in question. Shes at a party, he kisses her. *She kisses back.*Mistake #1 *They flirt a while*. Mistake #2 They agree to leave the party. *She drives to his house*. Mistake #3 *Goes in*. Mistake #4 *Proceeds heavy kissing and stuff and stripping clothes*. Mistake #5 and #6 Sh*e has to take her shirt off.* Mistake #7 *Unfasten her bra. Undo her pants.* Mistake #8 and 9
> 
> ...


A series of mistakes, in both the form of a noun and verb. 

Now, one of my favorite defitions and comparisons of a mistake and error comes from a Star Wars book (I know, I'm a nerd. But I can bench my body weight, so it evens out )

An error is when you misjudge a situation, and do something that you wouldn't/shouldn't have done.
It BECOMES a mistake when you refuse to correct it. 

Like, it was an error that I assumed I knew how to do some accounting stuff today for a pop quiz. 
It won't become a mistake, because I will make sure I spend time studying and learn it before my next class. That way I don't make a MISTAKE on my test. 

So I would say:
It was an error when he kissed her. 
It became a SERIES of mistakes when she didn't correct it, but choose to make it worse.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

My STBXW said "it was a mistake". 

I told her *"It was not a mistake...it was a choice, that you made over and over again"*.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

On the subject of the other man....why should i want to confront him? Its been suggested to me several times. I did send him a meesage on facebook just saying thank you for openong my eyes. Even he wanted to talk with me. What the hell for? So he can say hes sorry? So i can beat the crap out of him? Either of those are stupid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> A mistake is when I forget to pack my kids a snack in their lunch. A mistake is when I forget to check my calendar before scheduling a meeting.


A mistake is when he said "I do". Another mistake will be staying married to her. That mistake is a highway to hell.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Anyone else hate that? A mistake is like one bad decision. Not the series of decisions that lead to two ppl having intercourse.
> 
> Ive unfortunately become aware of every last detail of the night in question. Shes at a party, he kisses her. She kisses back. They flirt a while. They agree to leave the party. She drives to his house. Goes in. Proceeds heavy kissing and stuff and stripping clothes. She has to take her shirt off. Unfasten her bra. Undo her pants.
> 
> ...


Which is why I would never forgive an emotional affair that has turned into physical affair with multiple sexual encounters. It's a deal breaker. It was no mistake, it was planed, well thought out and she didn't give a sh1t about the heartbreak she caused. I would dedicate the rest of my life to making her miserable for doing that.

A one night stand that happened only once with no emotional attachment, I might be able to forgive it, as long as it was a once in a lifetime event.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP, do you actually believe they used a condom? Did you get STD tests? Keep in mind, negative tests do not prove condom use. 

No, I do not see this as a mistake.

Good luck 
WD


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

workindad said:


> OP, do you actually believe they used a condom? Did you get STD tests? Keep in mind, negative tests do not prove condom use.
> 
> No, I do not see this as a mistake.
> 
> ...


My reaction as well.

OP--very few people use condoms for affair sex. It's very common to lie about condoms and to claim they were used, but they're almost never used.

Here is why--when she made all those choices, part of what allowed her to do the first thing, and then the next, was denial. Denial that this would have any impact on her marriage--denial that this act would have any negative repercussions.

I realize it was a series of deliberates choices and actions--I wholeheartedly agree. But it was still very spontaneous at the same time. Very few people stop in the midst of affair sex to use birth control, because the whole thing is one big fantasy. Just like there aren't any betrayed husbands in fantasies, there aren't any STDs or pregnancies, either.

I am just giving you the odds--the chances are north of the 95% range. Appalling, I know. But whatever the odds were, it's not worth risking your life over--insist she get tested along with you for STDs.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

I removed the word mistake from my vocabulary when discussing the affair. It was a choice!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jadiel

It was no mistake on your wayward wifes part.

I read through all your posts just now.

I would like to give you a few suggestions:

A. Get of the the darn computer or pc and get a social life other than your wife.

B. Do more with the kids.

C. Get your self esteem back. Work on you.

D. Do not ever trust your wife again for as long as you live.

E. Get your wife to a good shrink. She needs it.

You wanna know why about E???

Your wife has always been a cheater. She has put her son through enough crap and lousy relationships that the kids is going to grow up with a complex.

And your wife goes out again and screws another OM and sexts and another OM.

That is messed up. 

So not only did she flush her vows and marriage down the toilet but she has now put into play another family mess that will not only affect her son but your daughter.

Jadiel, that is not only wrong but very selfish.

Something is loose in that womans head. Have you told her family what she did???

I think I would to get their support. Because if I was you I would be thinking if I have a future with a woman like that.

She has no consideration or respect for you, her son nor your daughter.

Think about that.

Good Luck

HM64


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

My WW has started describing her 5 year EA of which half was a PA as a 'mistake'. Just the one.

I've tried to point out it's a series of choices-especially after DDay 1.

The divorce is on hold for now but if she continues in the same vein; it won 't be.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> My WW has started describing her 5 year EA of which half was a PA as a 'mistake'. Just the one.
> 
> I've tried to point out it's a series of choices-especially after DDay 1.
> 
> The divorce is on hold for now but if she continues in the same vein; it won 't be.


Darn Chris

That is an awful long mistake..........


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