# Pondering the future



## Tenshi (Oct 1, 2009)

I have a long and complicated story. I will try to keep it simple. I have been married for over 5 years and I have two young children. I guess a little before my youngest was born our relationship started to change. I found porn on his computer and he got mad at me for talking to a preacher about it. It ended up with me begging for forgiveness for seeking help. When my youngest was just over a year old he (husband) lost his temper and did something to our neighbors, landing himself in jail. When he got out (weekend jail, he posted bail) he got angry and screamed at our kids. He even jerked youngest off floor and screamed in his face! He would say mean things to me, I couldnt take my makeup off after work or I was dressing up for other people. I asked him to move out. We were apart for two months and I bought a house. (I had intended to divorce) he began seeing an anger management doctor and begged me to stay. I let him move into my home and we have limped on ever since. He said the reason he did that thing to the neighbors was my fault. He called me a bad mom for buying a certain kind of milk. I came home one day after he was watching the kids and found a pocket knife on the floor behind him, as he was watching tv. He recently had to do jail time for the previous offence and is now back out. Since he has been out he has been acting strange. He is kind of secretive, he walks out of the room when he gets a phone call or doesnt answer the phone. He told me he wanted seperate bank accounts. He also accused me of cheating. He has NEVER done that before. (I have not cheated) I havent found porn on his computer, but ive found sites researching LSD. I also found a change direct deposit form from his work in his car. I havent found any suspicious texts on his phone, but once I found all messages cleared (I sometimes clear mine too, to free space) I found a number in his phone for a girl. I asked him who it was and he had a ... fairly good reason and deleted it. The number hasnt been called. Please give your input. There is of course more to the story, other things he has said to me, and not done in reguards to the kids, but please give me your honest opinion, am I overreacting?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

You're not overreacting. Your H has some serious issues that could potentially cause harm to you and your kids- as if it hasnt already. What are you getting out of this relationship? you must be getting something for you to be staying.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Your Hubby sounds kind of scary and unstable to me. I like certain combinations like peanut butter and jelly for instance, but jail and secrecy has never really worked for me. I guess for that matter I've never cared for drugs or infidelity either. Hmmm, anger and deception really suck as well come to think of it.

Tread carefully Tenshi. It may not be a bad time to think about seeing that preacher again. LIL


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Go with your gut! He's acting suspicious ....there is a reason.

I agree with lastinline. I don't see the benefits of staying. In fact all I see is danger!!


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## Tenshi (Oct 1, 2009)

I tried to leave, but he talked me out of it, plus my mom did too. My mom is my biggest support and if she is against it, I really cant stand alone against her. She is of the "stay together for the kids" group. Recently she has had her eyes opened and has changed her views slightly, although she says every thing will change and get better if we go to church. (not saying im against church, im not, but I dont believe that going to church will change his behavior He will just sit in the pew and grumble.) The biggest thing for me is money. (as bad as that sounds) My job is kind of unstable right now (not my position, the whole company is wavering about a major issue) and I dont want to make a drastic change until I know for sure I will be able to support my children on my own, there is no guarantee of child support, his father is the king of child support dodging. I would like to think that he would be better than that, but you never know. Ive looked up signs of use of the drugs he was researching and I dont see any of those signs. I really dont know WHAT that means...
I really hate it because some days he is the wonderful guy I married and then every now and then he just changes into this monster that I just wonder if there is a conscious there, you know?

ETA: I forgot to mention, everything is my fault. Every thing he does is my fault, he has told me to my face that he has nothing to apologize for because he has never done anything that warranted an apology. I am so sick of being told this. He wont even take responsibility for the jail issue, once again, its my fault! ("I was so mad at you that I lost my temper and (did the thing he did) )


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## Liv30 (Sep 22, 2010)

Hi
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Having read your story I am left with the feeling that you are in an abusive relationship and he is being controlling and aggressive towards you and your children. In this circumstance the only advice i can offer you is for you to get him out of your life so that you can secure you and your childrens safety. Good luck.


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