# Bored???



## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

So my wife said to me a couple of weeks ago "I am bored." She then went on to explain she wanted to take a trip from here in Idaho to Seattle. I said that there was no need for such a trip. So what does it mean when a wife says she is bored? Is she bored with life, marriage or what?

IDK. As I have posted before our marriage certainly has had its ups and downs. We have hardly spoken to each other all day.

When we fight now we don't even apologize anymore. We did MC but that ended after half a dozen sessions.

We traveled extensively last year flying to Europe, California and New York. This year we flew to Japan.

Oh and we just bought a house a month ago. 

If she wants to go on a trip because she is bored, she can. I will not stop her, but I am not going with her. I am sick of spending thousands of dollars on trips and whatever else. I would rather put the money into savings or towards something for our son.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Each of my kids has ever only uttered the words "I'm bored" once as my standard reply is "only boring people get bored!" There is always something to do even if it is just chilling out and relaxing.

If your wife said that she wants to have an adventure then that's different but for an adult to be bored to the extent that they have to go on another trip just to rid themselves of boredom then there is something big missing within themselves.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't get how adults can be bored, but I see it often enough. I get how kids can become bored as I remember being bored sometimes when I was a kid.

Does she have any goals other than travel? Does she have any direction in her life, anything she is striving for?

"He who seeks rest finds boredom. He who seeks work finds rest."
Dylan Thomas


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

Just my opinion, W says bored = you need to do more stuff with her, like dates and such.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

Different people has diferent preferences and needs for entertainment, and some people might want to travel and do different things more than others. I don't see how there's right or wrong when it comes to preferences, it's just there is better or worse compatibility of preferences between a couple.

A possible issue, thought, is do you guys have money to support what you want? (in this case, what she wants) Also, does she want you to go with her or can she go alone? Of course, no one is forced to do stuffs with someone else but then some people enjoys shared activity with their spouses and that's also not wrong, just a matter of compatible preferences.
Your wife might want you to travel with her and you might not want to. You have all the right to do whatever you want, but then she also is not wrong to wish to travel with her husband. This is more of a mismatch of preferences.

Ideally we would all be paired with perfect matches. Some spouses still tries to compromise and can be happy with it, and some might not compromise at all. In any case, each preferences and choice from each side leads to an outcome and each of you have to decide if the outcome is ideal to you.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Could also be due to feeling stressed/overwhelmed and therefore procrastinating, but needing something grand to do to feel better about procrastinating.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Not a lot to go on but I'm thinking she hasn't found fulfillment in herself so she keeps looking outward. Some people get that and some people don't. The problem is there isn't anything you can do to fix her.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Buy her some board games and a deck of cards


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## inhope (Nov 17, 2010)

Why Seattle?

And whose idea was it to fly to Japan?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
It money really is a limit, then find something exciting to do closer to home.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

lilith23 said:


> Different people has diferent preferences and needs for entertainment, and some people might want to travel and do different things more than others. I don't see how there's right or wrong when it comes to preferences, it's just there is better or worse compatibility of preferences between a couple.
> 
> A possible issue, thought, is do you guys have money to support what you want? (in this case, what she wants) Also, does she want you to go with her or can she go alone? Of course, no one is forced to do stuffs with someone else but then some people enjoys shared activity with their spouses and that's also not wrong, just a matter of compatible preferences.
> Your wife might want you to travel with her and you might not want to. You have all the right to do whatever you want, but then she also is not wrong to wish to travel with her husband. This is more of a mismatch of preferences.
> ...


I think you are right about preferences. If my wife wants to go do things I am fine with that. I do not mind if she goes off by herself or with friends. But I don't think we have the money for multiple trips. She thinks every do. 



breeze said:


> I don't get how adults can be bored, but I see it often enough. I get how kids can become bored as I remember being bored sometimes when I was a kid.
> 
> Does she have any goals other than travel? Does she have any direction in her life, anything she is striving for?
> 
> ...


I do not understand how adults can be bored either. We have a new house, a our son and there are all kinds of things to do where we live. She can go out with her friends. She could volunteer.



breeze said:


> Could also be due to feeling stressed/overwhelmed and therefore procrastinating, but needing something grand to do to feel better about procrastinating.


I don't think she is procrastinating, but I could be wrong.



Shoto1984 said:


> Not a lot to go on but I'm thinking she hasn't found fulfillment in herself so she keeps looking outward. Some people get that and some people don't. The problem is there isn't anything you can do to fix her.


I think this is very possible. She is an accomplished woman and has done exceedingly well in her career.



richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> It money really is a limit, then find something exciting to do closer to home.


 IMO we do do things. In hers it is not exciting enough.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

inhope said:


> Why Seattle?
> 
> And whose idea was it to fly to Japan?



She has never been there. Japan was a joint decision. I have military friends there and it is a place she had always wanted to visit.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
What sort of exciting does she want?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Sorry but she sounds kind of spoiled and childish. Was she brought up being constantly "entertained" by her parents? When children aren't taught to play or entertain themselves, they grow up expecting other people to do it.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This would really upset me. You took her to Europe and Japan, but that's not good enough, let's go to Seattle next and then after that who knows. I think it's a good idea to cut the travel budget for awhile...I think someone is spoiled.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

richardsharpe-I am not really sure what sort of exciting she wants. Kind of struck me out of right field.

intheory-I think financial issues are part of it. I also think we have issues beyond finances. But, yes finances are part of it.
It's frustrating, as a week ago she was talking how we need to save more money by the end of the year, especially as we spent so much money on overseas trips. I pay for most of the bills as I bring in more money than she does. However, after bills she has more disposable income than I do.

soccermom2three-she does come from a very wealthy family. I think that is part of the issue. We see money differently. Although she is a police officer her family is a wealthy business family. She grew up with pretty much whatever she wanted.

jb02157-That is what I am planning on. She has other ideas and has all kinds of plans.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

Honestly, you sound like you don't even like her. Not berating you for that, of course.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lancaster said:


> So what does it mean when a wife says she is bored? Is she bored with life, marriage or what?
> 
> IDK. As I have posted before our marriage certainly has had its ups and downs. We have hardly spoken to each other all day.
> 
> When we fight now we don't even apologize anymore. We did MC but that ended after half a dozen sessions.


In this case, I'd say she is bored with your marriage. I suspect there isn't much emotional intimacy between you, and you don't really share your thoughts and dreams and hopes or even talk to each other much about anything except mundane stuff. 

Do you think you have a deep connection? Has that worn away? 

The trips are a vacation from the everyday, and her (and your) everyday is fights and silence and resentments. I think your relationship is in trouble.


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