# Stormy days in an otherwise stable marriage



## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

My presence in this forum has been there on and off, apologies!

I'm just needing to vent out on this story East Coast night. MY H and me are sort of resenting each other. All he wants to do is his thing and I feel I want him in joining me for other things. Another major change - we decided to TTC and that is creating a havoc in our marriage. I never knew TTC could be so much stress.
There are too many details here!

My first complaint is DH watches too much TV. He always wants to watch a movie or the news. I struggle with household chores with little help ocassionally. I get drained out. I have part-time job and a full-time graduate program to handle. then, come home to do the dishes, fold up laundry, cook some dinner/get ready for the next day and I'm left cranky. I'm thinking of quitting my job but the salary pinch might be stressful too.

We just started TTC(two months now) and seems like sex is creating issues. HE even said last night that" I did not do it well". Ouch, painful. But we sorted it out. Still, the tremors from that earthquake remain in my mind. 

We had spoken about immigrating to anothr country and were working on learning the language. I have managed to learn and DH just started learning with me. Now, 2 weeks into the learning, he does not seem focussed. He just wants to watch movies. This leaves me panicky , paranoid and irritable.

Basically, I have gotten really irritable. Too many things going on for me and I feel DH does not support me in anything.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

What is TTC?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Wow just wow. Could you add anything else to your life? I got stressed just reading this. An absent husband, trying to have a baby, graduate school, considering downsizing, possibly moving to another country, learning another language, housework, no support, and I'm sure I'm missing something.

No wonder you're having stormy days. My marriage would be stormy too if I had all that going on.


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

Chris : TTC=trying to conceive

Mavash: There's definitely a lot on my plate and that' where I feel I need help(assuming that not all of us have so much going on at the same time). I'm thinking of post poning TTC and moving to another country for now.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

luvmydarling said:


> Chris : TTC=trying to conceive
> 
> Mavash: There's definitely a lot on my plate and that' where I feel I need help(assuming that not all of us have so much going on at the same time). I'm thinking of post poning TTC and moving to another country for now.


LMD you definitely sound overwhelmed by all that is going on. And you have a lot going on. TV and movies are serious escapism on his part. 

Here is my suggestion. Ask for help from him. Not in a nagging kind of blaming type way though.eg " I feel like I do everything around here etc...." that usually follows you feeling overwhelmed and perhaps you had a stressful day only to come home to find him sitting on the couch surrounded by dirty dishes and laundry piled to the sky. 

Firstly ask what he is doing, then ask if he would, once he's finished doing what he's doing, to please help you with whatever it is you need help with. 

As in " Once you've finished X I could really use your help with ......." appeal to his sense of chivalry and damsel in distress motive. The important part here is to hear him commit to helping. Then leave him alone. Positive reinforcement is the key here too. Once he starts, notice, thank him, but under no circumstance criticize how he is approaching and doing the job you've asked him to do. ( pick something easy ) 

Hope this suggestion helps.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

At the very least yes you need to not bring a baby into this marriage until it's more stable. You have NO idea what a baby does to a marriage. My husband and I never fight unless there is an infant in the house. And we have 3 so I know what I speak of.


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