# Wifes ex has been messaging her



## SilverRain (Jan 27, 2017)

I've been married to my wife for 19 years and we have a pretty good relationship. When we started dating, she was at the tail end of the relationship and ended up leaving the guy for me.

Well fast forward, the ex became friends with her on social media and my wife and him would occasionally talk . Occasionally he would test the waters and try to ask for a meet-up like lunch but she would turn him down.

Now, here is the problem , I know from my wife that he is well endowed. She said he was huge both "fat and long" (her words) and she hated having sex with because it was uncomfortable. I admit, it was a little hot when she would tell me about her experiences with him. I never was jealous because we have always had a good sex life. 

Well he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard. Hate to say it, 
but it was big, looked about 6" soft.


I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

OP, this may be difficult for you to understand but your wife is disrespecting you by maintaining this relationship with her ex. What may be even harder for you to comprehend is that this is primarily your fault. You have allowed this since the beginning of your relationship and you are facilitating it by being open to discussions about her ex's privates. 

Those repeated negative sexual comparisons between you and her ex, that's her demeaning you. The first time she did it was a big **** test, and you failed big frigging time. Every time after that, she's probably lost a little more respect for you allowing yourself to be made to feel substandard to her ex. Seriously, how is this ok with you?

Would it be a far fetched to say that you're a nice guy and/or you have some cuckold fantasies?


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

SilverRain said:


> I've been married to my wife for 19 years and we have a pretty good relationship. When we started dating, she was at the tail end of the relationship and ended up leaving the guy for me.
> 
> Well fast forward, the ex became friends with her on social media and my wife and him would occasionally talk . Occasionally he would test the waters and try to ask for a meet-up like lunch but she would turn him down.
> 
> ...


I personally would be angry to me he is being disrespectful to you and your wife and she should be the one to tell him if that, regardless of the Size if a guy sent a **** pic to my partner I would be mad even if he was packing a little wiener, how would she feel if you X was sending pics to you? That's just my perspective though others may disagree.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SilverRain said:


> I've been married to my wife for 19 years and we have a pretty good relationship. When we started dating, she was at the tail end of the relationship and ended up leaving the guy for me.
> 
> Well fast forward, the ex became friends with her on social media and my wife and him would occasionally talk . Occasionally he would test the waters and try to ask for a meet-up like lunch but she would turn him down.
> 
> ...


You're wife isn't very bright or nice. Does she always do this kind of stuff?


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

Very disrespectful and this is something you should have put a stop to from the get-go. There is no reason whatsoever they should even be contacting eachother let alone him sending her pictures of his penis. Also, why are you guys talking about his penis or their sex life? That baffles me. This has nothing to do with jealousy, simply lack of respect she has for you.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

SilverRain said:


> I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.


Telling her what to do is being controlling...but why do you care? She's getting penis pictures from another man! Time to lay down the law and tell her that it stops NOW!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I think that the OP is getting a lot of good advice. Yes, she is being incredibly disrespectful, unless she is trying to make him jealous to up the OP's attention to his wife. 

No matter the reason the OP, should tell his wife that this kind of Anthony Wiener behavior on the part of her ex is totally inappropriate and she needs to unfriend him and tell him to never do that again, or she will inform you and you will contact the police and get a restraining order.

For God's sake man, she is your wife not some girl friend you are not real serious about. Marriage is about commitment to each other, not sexting other people you once slept with.


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## shrah25 (Mar 22, 2017)

SilverRain said:


> I've been married to my wife for 19 years and we have a pretty good relationship. When we started dating, she was at the tail end of the relationship and ended up leaving the guy for me.
> 
> Well fast forward, the ex became friends with her on social media and my wife and him would occasionally talk . Occasionally he would test the waters and try to ask for a meet-up like lunch but she would turn him down.
> 
> ...



Hi @SilverRain

Thanks for your message.

You've received some very sound advice above as well as some very accurate information on what is going on here.

What is absolutely crucial here is that you set boundaries and standards for how you wish to be treated. As long as she knows that she can do this sort of thing without too many negative consequences, then she will continue to do so. For most guys, the comparisons of penis sizes can be seriously emasculating and it's important for her to realise the significance of saying such things. 

I remember talking to my wife a couple of years ago and we were in discussions about her ex boyfriend and how she treated him. In her earlier days, whilst she was in a relationship with him, she would go out clubbing and sometimes flirt with other guys. It would never go further than this but because he never set any boundaries, she just carried on doing it. However when we began dating, I mentioned to her some of my core values and how I would stop dating anyone who would treat me in ways that were disrespectful. Not once, has she behaved in ways that made me feel inferior, nor have I to her. I didn't say it in a threatening way at all - just from a place of strength that reflected my own values and self-respect. 

I can't stress the importance of boundaries here. In fact, she will respect you all the more if you can hold your strength and set your boundaries, rather than just being a pushover. No woman likes a man like that. Eventually respect diminishes and the relationship dies a slow death. I've seen it all too many times. 

When communicating it, if it comes across as defensive and angry, she will resist it and call you controlling. If you communicate it in such a way that reflects your standards but shows that you love her, she will accept it. 

I hope that makes sense.

Any questions, let me know.

Thanks
Sri


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

So, you were ''dating'' her while she was still married to him? Your post stated that she left him for you?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SilverRain said:


> Well he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard. Hate to say it, but it was big, looked about 6" soft.


Ask him to take another pic of his soft peen, this time next to a ruler, and send it to your wife. Then you'll know for sure whether or not it's bigger.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

SilverRain said:


> ...he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard.
> 
> I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.


I don't see this as a matter of "trust" or "control." It is simply downright inappropriate. Yeah, being more assertive is an understatement. Another man, YOUR wife's ex, sends her a pic of his penis and she's telling you that your not liking it is "controlling"? Are you serious????

WTF is going on in the world today? This is ANOTHER MAN. You want to send her photos of your junk, by all means, feel free. But this is waaaayyyyyy out of line. And what provoked/motivated him to send this photo? Do you have access to her FB account and all other social media? Cell phone? WHATEVER? Playing online slap-and-tickle can lead to this type of result.

Yeah, be assertive. To hell with her reaction. What is going on here is not what goes on in a healthy marriage.

JMO.


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## Adiron (Mar 25, 2017)

happy as a clam said:


> Ask him to take another pic of his soft peen, this time next to a ruler, and send it to your wife. Then you'll know for sure whether or not it's bigger.


This is a very good point. 

Everything is a matter of perspective.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Would she be okay the other way around if you mention to her that an ex was contacting you and showing you her junk ...?


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## SilverRain (Jan 27, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> Would it be a far fetched to say that you're a nice guy and/or you have some cuckold fantasies?


As far as being a ****, no I do not want another man with my wife. But... hearing my wife tell me about her past is erotic to hear, such as a novel would be to read. It was ok when it was in the 'fantasy ' realm, but now after all these years, it turned to a reality and somewhat of a threat.


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## SilverRain (Jan 27, 2017)

Thanks for the comments guys and gals, lots of good advice. I talked to my wife and she agreed to unfriend her ex. She didn't realize I felt jealous, lol.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

The past is the past only when it remains in the past. She was bringing her ex into your marriage, so it was no longer remaining her past.

You would be wise to keep an eye on things to be sure there is no more contact in the future.

One of the lines in your marriage vows is "Forsaking all others". This means your exes. And it doesn't just mean no sex with others, it means putting your spouse and your marriage ahead of everyone else in every way. Yes, you both need to have friends outside of the marriage, but they are quite low on the list compared to your spouse and the marriage itself.

If she cannot keep her exes out of the picture, she is in violation of her marriage vows. This is not you being controlling, this is you holding the boundaries of the marriage.

In addition, real world experience teaches that the very most likely affair partner is an ex. And, nobody goes into marriage planning on cheating with their ex. Nobody expects that first little message with the ex to lead to an affair. Contact with an ex is playing with fire.

This is why there needs to be strong boundaries around the marriage. There are many temptations and interlopers outside of the marriage trying to cause harm. You need strong walls around the marriage which are tended by both of you. Asking her to cut off contact with exes is not you being controlling, it is both of you ensuring you have those walls to protect your marriage and your family.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

SilverRain said:


> Thanks for the comments guys and gals, lots of good advice. I talked to my wife and she agreed to unfriend her ex. She didn't realize I felt jealous, lol.


If you have to explain to your wife that this was wrong then you have more than the ex to worry about.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Uhhh... No...


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

How freaking disrespectful. I never understand guys who don't stand up for themselves. Allowing your wife to basically neuter you with the controlling meme. I guess you're supposed to allow another man to bust his moves and basically swoop in a destroy your family.

This is not over. Any wife that would continue talking an EX that was flirting is basically an affair waiting to happen? But the guy is sending her pics of his junk and she still talks to him? That means she wants it to go to the next level but is just playing coy, so later she can claim, it just happened. 

I would expect that she'll take this further underground. After a co-worker, the number one AP is an ex. They've already had sex so getting together again would be so easy.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

A few things that I would like to note about all this:


Your wife remaining in contact with her ex-boyfriend is inappropriate and counter productive to a marriage.

Your wife discussing his size is also skating on thin ice.

Him sending her pictures of his d!ck is very very inappropriate and disrespectful.

Her commenting on it in any way is even worse in terms of being inappropriate and disrespectful.

Her comparing sizes is the absolute worst.



So while we know that the ex is being a POS, your wife is behaving despicably! You need to resolve this one way or another.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Send him three pictures.

One picture of a Desert Eagle 50 caliber.

One picture of a pumpkin with a mans face painted on it.

One picture of a pumpkin that has been shot by a large caliber weapon.

Send these pictures with a note saying: "Larger makes a bigger bang."


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think this whole story is preposterous.

His wife is telling him what a little **** he has, that she's been texting her ex bf who has a big **** and sent her pics of it recently, and he tells her it bothers him and she has the epiphany that it may be making him a little jealous and unfriends him?

Lol, yeah, if this is real, his problems are just beginning.

Hey honey, my ex boyfriends **** is bigger soft than yours is hard!
Look! See his huge **** pic he sent me???

Yeah, I think this is a little off to be true.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

But...........they get us to post.

An imp with a stick... placed fast, deep and hard into the hornets nest.

Drop the stick, drop the mike, watch the swarming bees come out of the Paper Machete Blog.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> I think this whole story is preposterous.
> 
> His wife is telling him what a little **** he has, that she's been texting her ex bf who has a big **** and sent her pics of it recently, and he tells her it bothers him and she has the epiphany that it may be making him a little jealous and unfriends him?
> 
> ...


I've seen you post on two threads today doubting the veracity of the person who started them.

That isn't right.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

You said she told you Sex with you is uncomfortable. Yet you say you guys have a great sex life? Plus she talks about her ex big penis. Doesn't sound to me that she is all that happy about her sex life.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

SilverRain said:


> Thanks for the comments guys and gals, lots of good advice. I talked to my wife and she agreed to unfriend her ex. She didn't realize I felt jealous, lol.


This has nothing to do with jealousy. This is about respect. Don't let her interpret it as jealousy because resentment can set in and she'll say you're being jealous and controlling and you end up right back where you started at the beginning of this thread.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

The weird irony of this story is that you were seeing her when she was married to this guy. I'm sure she told you how awful her marriage was and so it seemed okay to date a married woman. But, there's a saying and it's really true ''if they'll do it with you, they'll eventually do it to you.'' I think your wife just likes having two guys in her life, how ironic that her ex husband is now the guy she is flirting with, etc...and that used to be you, when she was married to him.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> The weird irony of this story is that you were seeing her when she was married to this guy. I'm sure she told you how awful her marriage was and so it seemed okay to date a married woman. But, there's a saying and it's really true ''if they'll do it with you, they'll eventually do it to you.'' I think your wife just likes having two guys in her life, how ironic that her ex husband is now the guy she is flirting with, etc...and that used to be you, when she was married to him.


He said relationship, not marriage. Still not good, but no indication that she was married to the ex, only dating him.

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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

SilverRain said:


> Thanks for the comments guys and gals, lots of good advice. I talked to my wife and she agreed to unfriend her ex. She didn't realize I felt jealous, lol.


Newsflash...

Your wife is an idiot. You should divorce her just for that reason alone.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Maricha75 said:


> He said relationship, not marriage. Still not good, but no indication that she was married to the ex, only dating him.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


You're right, I assumed that she was married to him. But, still. lol Hopefully, like the OP said, she'll unfriend him and that'll be it with her contact with the ex.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> You're right, I assumed that she was married to him. But, still. lol Hopefully, like the OP said, she'll unfriend him and that'll be it with her contact with the ex.


Totally agree. The only ex I have that I would even remotely chat with is married to my cousin. But, she knows we were together, years before they started seeing each other. And my husband knows, too. I talk to the sister of another ex, from time to time, but not him. He is happy with his boyfriend (or husband, now? Idk). But any others? Absolutely not. If I had kids with an ex, I could understand communication. But certainly not conversations that end with those kinds of pics being sent! 🤢

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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

SilverRain said:


> Thanks for the comments guys and gals, lots of good advice. I talked to my wife and she agreed to unfriend her ex. She didn't realize I felt jealous, lol.


Seriously? the only reason she would unfriend him was because YOU were jealous?
What about the fact that a married woman should not be getting **** pics of other men?

What the hell is wrong with people?


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## Dan Moloney (Aug 9, 2016)

nothing about jealousy here not that that bad thing people make out it to be but for the respect of your marriage and wife a man that has nothing to do with your life sending your loved one is absolutley disrespectful and borderline sexual harrasment


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

SliverRain,

One thing you do need to do is contact whoever her ex'es SO is at this time and reveal the inappropriate communication.

If anyone sent a suggestive or erotic photo of themselves to my W I would pay them a visit in person as well.

Tamat


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