# Full Circle....it's on now.



## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Ok. So, I just want to take a moment and thank those such as MEM, BigbadWolf, Deejo, and Conrad. I have learned a TON from your posts. Well, it has been a year since I got the whole "I'm detached from you" speech. In that year, I have lost 50 lbs on P90x, been through way too much individual therapy, started to find myself as a man. Tried to be a handyman at home with pretty pathetic results, however, I DID f'ing try and still do.  I have become a MUCH improved father and the connection with the kids is beyond anything I could have hoped for. I have found balance in my job while continuing to perform. I actually enjoy going to work, then I enjoy coming home. My wife and I talk more than we ever have. We share responsibilities at home and are true coparents for the first time in our marriage. Finally, we can sit down, have differing points of view, but still respect the other's. Quite amazing. 

So, here we are. My therapist wanted to see me alone. Shocking considering I have not done an individual session since May. Guess what she presses me on? How is your sex life? My response, "What sex life?" She says, "Exactly". She then shows me this book "Sexual Anorexia" and says she believes this is my wife. She said my wife would be comfortable in the relationship we have for the next 20 years. It would be safe for her, but it is not good for her or I. It's time to start putting the pressure on. SO, here I go. Taking all the "gaming" stuff I have learned in the past year and putting it to work. It's on. I'll keep everyone updated.

By the way, she tried to fitness test me yesterday. She started griping about the time it took for me to do a task for her. My response with a huge grin, "Honey, are you talking to your old husband or your new one?" She smiled back, nodded her head and said, "ok".


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Good job on the fitness test.

Good luck on the rest.

Keep us in the loop.





Dedicated2Her said:


> Ok. So, I just want to take a moment and thank those such as MEM, BigbadWolf, Deejo, and Conrad. I have learned a TON from your posts. Well, it has been a year since I got the whole "I'm detached from you" speech. In that year, I have lost 50 lbs on P90x, been through way too much individual therapy, started to find myself as a man. Tried to be a handyman at home with pretty pathetic results, however, I DID f'ing try and still do.  I have become a MUCH improved father and the connection with the kids is beyond anything I could have hoped for. I have found balance in my job while continuing to perform. I actually enjoy going to work, then I enjoy coming home. My wife and I talk more than we ever have. We share responsibilities at home and are true coparents for the first time in our marriage. Finally, we can sit down, have differing points of view, but still respect the other's. Quite amazing.
> 
> So, here we are. My therapist wanted to see me alone. Shocking considering I have not done an individual session since May. Guess what she presses me on? How is your sex life? My response, "What sex life?" She says, "Exactly". She then shows me this book "Sexual Anorexia" and says she believes this is my wife. She said my wife would be comfortable in the relationship we have for the next 20 years. It would be safe for her, but it is not good for her or I. It's time to start putting the pressure on. SO, here I go. Taking all the "gaming" stuff I have learned in the past year and putting it to work. It's on. I'll keep everyone updated.
> 
> By the way, she tried to fitness test me yesterday. She started griping about the time it took for me to do a task for her. My response with a huge grin, "Honey, are you talking to your old husband or your new one?" She smiled back, nodded her head and said, "ok".


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

So kick the tires and stoke the fires . . . I'd start with an aggressively-romantic date during which you make it clear that you have an expectation of sex at the end. Start her off with the carrot.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

So, has your wife been doing any kind of counseling or work toward improving your relationship or herself in this last year as well?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

IanIronwood said:


> So kick the tires and stoke the fires . . . I'd start with an aggressively-romantic date during which you make it clear that you have an expectation of sex at the end. Start her off with the carrot.


Not that this a bad idea, but I think it maybe depends on whether the wife is the kind that thinks sex would be a carrot, or whether she thinks that it is really just a stick.

The book the therapist gave maybe indicates she thinks the OP's wife is the kind of wife that may think an expectation of sex may be a stick. If so, you might need to tailor how your approach her around that.

I guess I will be curious to see how it goes.

Best wishes, Dedicated2Her.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

No more pandering to the wife, remember? He is supposed to be manning up and taking risks by being more aggressive and alpha.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> No more pandering to the wife, remember? He is supposed to be manning up and taking risks by being more aggressive and alpha.


Ahh... I wasn't suggesting pandering. I was suggesting thinking about which method of approaching would give him the greatest odds of success. 

Not all women are turned on by the aggressive - or by an expectation.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Enchantment- She has done quite a bit of work on her end in therapy. Lots of childhood baggage to get rid of and still working through it. She basically really learned at an early age how not to do relationships, but according to our therapist, "that is not an excuse to do relationships like that as an adult". 

I'm not doing this in a one date situation. It is close touching on a daily basis where I push the envelope a little further each day. One week or ten days from now, she is getting f*****. According to our therapist, she definintely doesn't want it outwardly, but she actually is really going to like it when I push it. (intimacy) 

It's kind of like taking someone who is unsure. They think they want to move in a direction, but they are scared. You have to take their arm and walk them through it. Lead it.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Dedicated2Her said:


> Enchantment- She has done quite a bit of work on her end in therapy. Lots of childhood baggage to get rid of and still working through it. She basically really learned at an early age how not to do relationships, but according to our therapist, "that is not an excuse to do relationships like that as an adult".
> 
> *I'm not doing this in a one date situation. It is close touching on a daily basis *where I push the envelope a little further each day. One week or ten days from now, she is getting f*****. According to our therapist, she definintely doesn't want it outwardly, but she actually is really going to like it when I push it. (intimacy)
> 
> It's kind of like taking someone who is unsure. They think they want to move in a direction, but they are scared. You have to take their arm and walk them through it. Lead it.


Good for you.

This was going to be my next suggestion - to start to do those little daily touches and flirty things. I know that I respond much better to those constant little connections than just a big *wham *. Building up to that wham can be nice, and may be what she needs if she is so unsure.

I'm happy to hear she is also doing her part on trying to work through her issues.

Best wishes.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> I'm happy to hear she is also doing her part on trying to work through her issues


Took 8 months of complete change from me to get her to try, though. Bout time. It's kind of like dating all over again. I'm a different person now. She is becoming one. Should be fun.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Do you have a motorcycle?

(Serious question)


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Do you have a motorcycle?
> 
> (Serious question)


Newbie here but I had to respond. 

That is an awesome idea. No motocycle, use the washer or dryer.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Do you have a motorcycle?
> 
> (Serious question)


Haha. No, I don't. (It is on the wish list) We are digging ourselves out of some serious debt and have gone all Dave Ramsey. Should be completely out of debt excluding mortgage by February. Then, saving for purchases will begin.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

She ovulates on about the 15th. Game time.:smthumbup:


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Not that this a bad idea, but I think it maybe depends on whether the wife is the kind that thinks sex would be a carrot, or whether she thinks that it is really just a stick.
> 
> The book the therapist gave maybe indicates she thinks the OP's wife is the kind of wife that may think an expectation of sex may be a stick. If so, you might need to tailor how your approach her around that.
> 
> ...



The date and the romantic attention are the carrot. The sex is only the stick if she makes it the stick. But if she does, then he's learned an awful lot about her by that. If nothing else, it will give her a clear opportunity to demonstrate that she's on board, and if she isn't, it gives him a place to start from.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Dedicated2Her said:


> She ovulates on about the 15th. Game time.:smthumbup:


If it's not too stupid a question to answer, why is that important?


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

AFEH said:


> If it's not too stupid a question to answer, why is that important?


Because women tend to be far more open to sex during ovulation. Watch for the tell-tale signs of exposing her neck and exposing more skin with her clothing selections than usual. But it's like having a +3 chance to make your roll.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> If it's not too stupid a question to answer, why is that important?


Married Man Sex Life: Ovulation Game: Learn Her Cycle and Close On Tuesdays


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

IanIronwood said:


> Because women tend to be far more open to sex during ovulation. Watch for the tell-tale signs of exposing her neck and exposing more skin with her clothing selections than usual. But it's like having a +3 chance to make your roll.


I’m really not trying to be a clever whatsit here. But they do those things even after menopause. They do those things if they are hot for the man in front of them, no matter what time of the month it is. And if they are not “hot hot” for their husband or because they are in ovulation that doesn’t mean they wont have sex!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Earlier this year, we had a poster named coops, who I listened to closely. I think he disappeared around Valentine's Day.

My favorite line of his?

For all you men who say your wife isn't really interested in having sex and doesn't feel that sex is important, would that be there answer if Brad Pitt were standing in front of them desiring to have sex with them?

LOL

Bob is on it. The ovulation thing can help. But, it's not determinative.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I’m going to take the mick a bit. My intent is good. So. The game plan for your sex life is you wait for 25 days (or whatever) every month of the year before you approach your wife for sex? And then you “hope” your wife is going to be receptive to you? Wow! What if she isn’t? Do you wait another 25 days? Can you go 50 days without sex?

Another view for you. My wife was ALWAYS receptive to me for sex. And there are so many different types of sex to have. Duty sex. Passionate sex. Make up sex. Open places sex. Quickie sex. Romantic sex. Don’t lets get caught sex. Hotel room sex. In the woods sex. In the sea sex. The list is endless!

I never ever heard of “wait 25 days for sex” before in my life and I’m 62!


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

I was really being sarcastic. I'm actually pushing it until it happens, whatever day that is. Just thought it was funny.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Why did your counsellor mention the lack of sex in your marriage? If it didn’t come from you, it must have come from your wife. Is that not so? If it is so, it means your wife is actually more focused on sex and more worried about the lack of sex in the marriage than you are. If that is the case it’s good. Just gotta know what to do, how to light her fire. That does not include waiting until the 15th. Which I reckon was what your counsellor was telling you.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Why did your counsellor mention the lack of sex in your marriage? If it didn’t come from you, it must have come from your wife. Is that not so? If it is so, it means your wife is actually more focused on sex and more worried about the lack of sex in the marriage than you are. If that is the case it’s good. Just gotta know what to do, how to light her fire. That does not include waiting until the 15th. Which I reckon was what your counsellor was telling you.


The therapist mentioned it because my wife really has been "stuck in neutral" for some time. She needs a catalyst outside of herself to continue to push her lovingly to change. I'm not waiting any length of time. I'm pushing her a little each day and keeping my awareness way up on her responses. So far since I've really started engaging in much more touch she has been very lively at home, focused on her job (SAHM), and is picking on me more as she is showing more comfort in the relationship. 

Bottom line is this. I have become closer to the man I want to be. I am now, finally, a man who is worthy to have her heart and affection. I am the best version of me that I can be. It was a LONG road getting here, it doesn't change overnight. But, the good new is, we are going to make it. AND, we are going to have a loving, mutually rewarding marriage because I am going to lead us there and not drop the ball again.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Dedicated2Her said:


> The therapist mentioned it because my wife really has been "stuck in neutral" for some time. She needs a catalyst outside of herself to continue to push her lovingly to change. I'm not waiting any length of time. I'm pushing her a little each day and keeping my awareness way up on her responses. So far since I've really started engaging in much more touch she has been very lively at home, focused on her job (SAHM), and is picking on me more as she is showing more comfort in the relationship.
> 
> Bottom line is this. I have become closer to the man I want to be. I am now, finally, a man who is worthy to have her heart and affection. I am the best version of me that I can be. It was a LONG road getting here, it doesn't change overnight. But, the good new is, we are going to make it. AND, we are going to have a loving, mutually rewarding marriage because I am going to lead us there and not drop the ball again.


The question becomes . . . is SHE now worthy of YOU?

Keep the faith, my brother. We're all pulling for you.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

IanIronwood said:


> The question becomes . . . is SHE now worthy of YOU?
> 
> Keep the faith, my brother. We're all pulling for you.


Not sure I can answer that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Dedicated2Her said:


> By the way, she tried to fitness test me yesterday. She started griping about the time it took for me to do a task for her. My response with a huge grin, "Honey, are you talking to your old husband or your new one?" She smiled back, nodded her head and said, "ok".


This is something often overlooked when a person is going through growth and change, for example manning up. What is overlooked is that others we are close to have this historical image or imprint of us in their mind. That image includes all the behaviour, values, rules and beliefs that they have come to expect from us. Mainly how we behave, how we respond.

If we are not very careful, those around us, most especially those we care for the most can keep us anchored to “who we were” and in that way they can prohibit or at least stunt our growth. My need to change was so huge that I have left my close family and friends somewhat in the past, the closest and dearest ones to me being my stbxw and my youngest son. They both had me so anchored in the past such that it was impossible for me to move on. But I have left others in the past that I shouldn’t have done, so I will reconnect with them at some time.

I think you did remarkably well in the way you handled your wife. Your response was a very enlightened one.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Dedicated2Her said:


> The therapist mentioned it because my wife really has been "stuck in neutral" for some time. She needs a catalyst outside of herself to continue to push her lovingly to change. I'm not waiting any length of time. I'm pushing her a little each day and keeping my awareness way up on her responses. So far since I've really started engaging in much more touch she has been very lively at home, focused on her job (SAHM), and is picking on me more as she is showing more comfort in the relationship.
> 
> Bottom line is this. I have become closer to the man I want to be. I am now, finally, a man who is worthy to have her heart and affection. I am the best version of me that I can be. It was a LONG road getting here, it doesn't change overnight. But, the good new is, we are going to make it. AND, we are going to have a loving, mutually rewarding marriage because I am going to lead us there and not drop the ball again.


I say this in a way designed for your benefit. I hope it comes out that way. Your wife is a SAHM. That means you are the PROVIDER of food on the table and the roof over your family’s head.

That doesn’t give you “dominance over your domain” but give yourself a massive pat on the back for BEING THE PROVIDER and never underestimate your VALUE in what you do and therefore your marriage.

Unfortunately, you cannot just STOP PROVIDING. Because that would be abandonment, your home may get repossessed, the gas and electric cut off etc. etc.

But your wife can just stop providing sex! Think about it. She more than likely has a rule in her head which is saying DO NOT GIVE HIM SEX. And that could be because SHE DOES NOT VALUE what you do in the marriage and she has absolutely no fear of losing you. Either that, or she’s trying to drive you away. Or she is one very bitter and resentful woman.

Why wont your wife have sex with you?


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> But your wife can just stop providing sex! Think about it. She more than likely has a rule in her head which is saying DO NOT GIVE HIM SEX. And that could be because SHE DOES NOT VALUE what you do in the marriage and she has absolutely no fear of losing you. Either that, or she’s trying to drive you away. Or she is one very bitter and resentful woman.
> 
> Why wont your wife have sex with you?


I don't think she is trying to drive me away. I just think she is one very bitter and resentful woman. She had a very pathetic view of sex through how she was brought up. She looked at it as a duty instead of an act to be enjoyed between two people. She had sex with me just to pacify me in a lot of instances. Frankly, she should have "rung the bell" on her emotions a long time ago. BUT, she chose to bury them and be a "submissive" wife, which has left her with layers upon layers of resentment. It totally smothers any positive feelings she could have for me. The past 12 months those layers have been peeling back and she actually acts, feels, and truly seems happy. It has been painstakingly slow, but I can say I continue to learn more and more about myself through it. It has truly benefitted me in so many ways. 

In June, she looked at the therapist and said, "I'm only interested in friendship with him at this point." That seems negative, but considering where we were at the start it is leaps and bounds ahead. She doesn't go out of the house at night anymore, stays and does things with me and the children. However, she needs to understand that while I have waited for her, I will not wait forever. That is for our next "deep" convo.

I have refrained from saying the words ILY since December. The therapist said it is time for me to start saying it again in such a way as this, "I love you and I hope one day you can love me too."

I walked into the house last night straight up to her, put my arm around her and asked how her day was. She just had this blank stare as my arm was around her. She responded it was, "ok". After I moved away, she really lightened up and started to engage in convo. It's just very strange. But, I'm going to continue until touch is a major part of our communication everyday. I read up on "sexual anorexia". She's got plenty of issues. However, I did manage to see a text from her to a friend in the middle of last month that read, "I need somebody to F*** me!" Time for me to be that somebody. lol


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

There’s something that goes hand in hand with bitterness and resentment, and that’s passive aggression. I came to see those two things as like a marriage cancer, a cancer that slowly but surely kills off love. And it kills off love because love cannot reside in a person who is bitter and resentful. Resentment is a strong, passive anger combined with a strong dislike of another person. So while your wife holds onto her bitterness and resentment and uses her passive anger against you, I wonder what progress can be made. Although you are seeing some progress.

My wife’s bitterness and resentment towards me was what brought my marriage down. But it was an eternally (seemingly) long process. They start switching things off, not doing for us what they used to do in the past. But unlike your wife mine never turned me down for sex. I think that would have been upfront obvious and she’s far too subtle for that.

But these passive aggressives use their bitterness and resentment to “hurt”. In that to them it “justifies” their actions, their bad behaviours. The “I will not give you sex because of what you did to me x years ago!”. So you may want to think on for a while that your wife is consciously and deliberately getting her own back on you, her revenge for some thing(s) you did in the past. And in that way you are being persecuted, by being punished over and over again for the same “crime”. It is for you to judge if you actually deserve that type of treatment or not.

But if I am right, what can you do about it? I’m a reasonably resourceful guy but nothing I tried over the years actually “worked”. In the end I told my wife either get rid of your bitterness and resentment, or we are over. She chose it to be over. Which at that point in time was fine with me and has remained so.

I thoroughly recommend attending a marriage enrichment program. I didn’t find out about these until I was done with my wife for good. The Alpha Marriage Course (Alpha Marriage Course | Emmanuel Methodist Church) has the following modules:

Building Strong Foundations
The Art of Communication
Resolving Conflicts
The Power of Forgiveness
Parents and In-Laws
Good Sex
Love in Action

You can view these modules as a “structure” for healthy and happy marriages. The dynamics within the structure are explained on the course. It doesn’t require participation from the attendees and so is unlike counselling. It does though communicate from very experienced people what a healthy and happy marriage actually “looks like”. Many of us don’t get taught these things by our parents as they are often not very good examples. But it’s never too late to learn.

What I really like about them in your case is they talk of Forgiveness, the Art of Communication and Conflict Resolution.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good luck!


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Ok. So time to update. I definitely started pushing the envelope. She was totally unresponsive to non sexual touching---Freezing up like I was touching a cold dead fish. It was pretty interesting. Almost two weeks ago, I decided to make a statement. I did some yard work, came in and painted a desk she wanted to put the computer on. When she told me "thank you", I turned and said, "Honey, do you know why I do these things for you? I do them because I love you and I hope that someday you can love me too." She is the MASTER at hiding emotions, but as I looked at her she couldn't hide the pain in her eyes. She said, "I don't know what you want me to say." I responded,"I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to know my motives." This spurs on a LONG convo which I really did not want to get into. 

Cliff notes: She still feels trapped in marriage. She just has no desire to desire me as a husband. I am a really cool guy to hang out with and she enjoys spending time with me. She LOVES the changes in me (Looks, attitude, coparenting, etc.). Something inside her "broke" about three months after the miscarriage. So, she spends the rest of the night in bed (not sleeping). 

So, I have come to the conclusion that this really has nothing to do with me anymore. This has been shown through the past two weeks. She has been truly different. She cooks dinner every night. She went for a girls weekend with my sister last weekend and hugged me before she left and when she got back. She has been to football practice with me for our son 4 times when she had been maybe twice all season before. Last night, I get home and she admits to me she was depressed and wanted to go for a walk. We spend from 5pm to 11pm together chatting just about all kinds of stuff. (What makes her self esteem go down was one) It has been that way most nights!

She admitted to me that she had harbored unforgiveness towards me for things I didn't even know I did. That it was wrong and she had no right. Hilarious. 

She just talks to me different. Softer. It is kind of funny. I truly believe she just doesn't know what she wants. Why else would a woman seek out a relationship with a man that she has no "desire" to desire as a husband? 

Truth of it all is I actually have come to a place of peace about it. We both have been through a ton of emotional trauma over the past two years, and I can finally see that we both want what is best for all involved.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Time for the 10 second kiss.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Time for the 10 second kiss.


I know, right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Dedicated2Her said:


> I truly believe she just doesn't know what she wants.


This was, and remains, the core issue with my ex. It was also this acknowledgment on my part, that made me decide that I wanted a partner that is sure of what, and who, she wants.
"I don't know ..." is not acceptable to me.

Tragedy that your wife doesn't know how lucky she is to have a man like you. Up to you to decide if you can live your life knowing the best you are ever going to get is; "I don't know..."


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Tragedy that your wife doesn't know how lucky she is to have a man like you. Up to you to decide if you can live your life knowing the best you are ever going to get is; "I don't know..."


Hmmm. That would be assuming that things stay the same in terms of feelings. She did say in the midst of our LONG convo that she "was sure she would NEVER get married again." She said all men, "could be thrown into a lava pit" with the exception of her brother, our two sons, and, well, "I guess you, too." She also stated, "You deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved." 

Personally, I still fully believe her self esteem has not recovered. I see her as believing she is unlovable and is guilty for not being able to "turn" her feelings on. Truth is, we did go through hell and back with tough times financially, 4 kids, the miscarriage with her passing the baby in our bathroom, and both of us being too immature to deal with it.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Dedicated2Her said:


> She also stated, "You deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved."


Next time she makes this statement, or something similar that at once seems sentimental, but also deflective, ask her this;

"You interested in the job, or not?"

There is a difference between being needy and applying pressure, versus requiring an acknowledgment of the truth.

I remember distinctly in my own journey that there was a period of time where I very much wanted to 'win' my spouse back. I had made many changes to how I conduct myself, or interacted with her. She responded very well to the changes, but ... once I had fully internalized what I was doing, it was no longer about getting the girl. It was simply about 'getting it right'. And for me, that meant recognizing that the girl was never going to be able to give me what I both wanted, and needed.

In my case, I took your wife's advice. I do believe that I deserve someone that can love me the way I deserve to be loved.

I think you are doing great btw. I'm not suggesting you follow in my footsteps. Just felt compelled to share where my footsteps led. Your post reminded me of very similar interactions with my ex.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

One thing I would suggest is a moniker change.

"You interested in the job or not" - indicates that something fundamental is going on.

You're open to the relationshiop, but your dedication is really now to you.

And, that's where it should be.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Thanks guys. The really strange thing about this is that I've actually started enjoying the process. Everyday this continues, I just continue to grow and "evolve". I don't think I've ever been this happy about me or my direction. You are right, Deejo, it has become about "getting it right". However, I do have an admiration for her in which I want her to become a better her. I don't know if this can occur while in a active "love" relationship with me because she becomes very dependent on me for leadership and to get things accomplished. She has a lot of changing to do before she can enter into a mutually beneficial relationship with anyone, much less me.

It's so weird. I want her to "get it" and start becoming the person she has the potential to be. I'm at peace about it because I'm so invested in my journey at the moment. I'm willing to continue to wait and see. There is nothing really driving either one of us out the door.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's so weird. I want her to "get it" and start becoming the person she has the potential to be. I'm at peace about it because I'm so invested in my journey at the moment. I'm willing to continue to wait and see. There is nothing really driving either one of us out the door.


I understand exactly what you mean. Sincerely wish both of you the best, regardless of what the 'best' may eventually be.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

So. Interesting night. My wife had a friend over who has some marital problems. She thinks her husband is having an affair in addition to him really being a disconnected husband and father. I just sat back and listened. Tried to just see how my wife handled the situation. She was very compassionate, and had extremely good advice which was surprising to me considering all the things we have gone through. Wow, I actually think it made me respect her more. That just hit me.

Regardless, at about 11:30 we laid in bed. She had two friends that have kind of shunned her over the past 3 weeks, and she has been concerned with what she could have done to upset her friends. I just said, "From an outside point of you, I want you to know you are a good friend." She says back, "Outside point of view? You are my friend, too." 

Many people might not see that as significant, but, to hear her admit that after 12 months of pain, therapy (which brought everything negative to the surface), and confusion. When this started, she considered me the enemy. I was the one who hurt her, hurt our family. I know that 6 months ago I was definitely not her "friend". We have the next four days planned out together and the kids. It's just so strange.

I ask myself everyday if I am "man enough" to handle a relationship with her. I still don't know the answer to that, and I will be ok until I can look at myself in the mirror and say, "I have become the man I set out to be."


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Just as long as you keep in mind that you're not a priest.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Just as long as you keep in mind that you're not a priest.


Oh, it is etched in my mind. She will never admit it at this point, but attraction is starting to return. Only a matter of when. If not, we will cross that bridge when I just can't get past it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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