# Asked for divorce. Dazed and confused. (cross post from coping with infidelity)



## WonderHow (Dec 17, 2012)

_Note: I posted this in the CWI section but didn't get any productive input so thought I would try here...
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History - I've posted this elsewhere but here's the short version: wife had an affair latter part of 2011 and I busted her in Nov & Dec 2011. She went no contact after Dec, got her sh!t together but I've been in limbo hell since.

Last Wed I told her I had enough. I couldn't go on despite all the positive changes that she's made. I was still constantly triggered by her. I read "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" and found that I had a number of the "you would be happier if you left" characteristics. The breaking point though was when my kids were teasing me about never saying ILY to her. At that point I realized that I was setting a terrible example for them. We're still sharing a bed and I am still at home but that's mostly logistics around business travel. 

When I told her I couldn't go on I thought I would be relived but instead I was just devastated. We sat in bed that night and held each other and cried. She kept saying she just wanted me to be happy and if D is what I needed that she would make it as easy as possible. I also forgave her for what she did. It was the first time that I was able to and coincided with completely letting go. 

Now I keep second guessing the decision. I was out of town with friends this weekend and really missed her. 50% of the time I feel like I'm making a horrible mistake and I feel close to her in a way I haven't in months. The rest of the time I am ready to stat over. To be in love again. To have a fresh start. I feel horrible for what this is doing to my kids. I know they are tough but this will be the worst thing that's ever happened to them (they are 11 & 13). 

I've maintained that I don't think marriage can survive an affair but now I'm not sure.

How the eff do you deal with this...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What have the two of you done to try to rebuild your relationship?

How many hours a week do you two spend together doing things that you both enjoy, just the two of your?


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## WonderHow (Dec 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What have the two of you done to try to rebuild your relationship?


Lots and lots of therapy, including a weekend Imago session. Spending time together, doing stuff with just us, etc.



EleGirl said:


> How many hours a week do you two spend together doing things that you both enjoy, just the two of your?


I don't know. Maybe 7 - 10 on average.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

That feeling of being in limbo hell will return and not go away if you get back with her. 

I'm right where you are, only I do not miss my ww. I can't wait to be divorced. I realized that as hard as D is going to be on so many levels, it's much better than staying with a person who betrayed me so profoundly. Why would you want to share your life with someone who would be so very, very cruel and hurtful to you?

I think you made the right decision. It's hard, but you deserve better than her.


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