# Triggered Hard...



## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Allow me to preface...

I'm in between therapy and I'm having difficulties getting appointments for IC, so cut me some slack because I am in a bad way and I am spinning.

Work has been tremendously stressful since the "storm from hell" came through this weekend and the lightning took out hundreds of our subscribers.

the storm happened on saturday and we had to call in the cavalry on Monday morning. the problem with that was my wife had a scheduled hysteroscopy that day and I took the day off to be with her.

Hell broke loose at work. I stayed with my wife, but the days since have been Hell.

I admit, I have been "quiet" ( I get that way when I am overwhelmed) and she has asked if I'm OK to which I should have told he.r, but she was recovering and I did not want to overburden her (whoa...I'm having a total deja vu moment about writing this).

In the same breath, my son has decided to cut off communication with me because he and my wife had an argument and I was vehement about staying out of it. He has cut off any contact with my granddaughter (whom we raised for years) from me as well.

I called my medical provider and demanded a session with my therapist and I got one for tomorrow. I tried to talk to my wife tonight about what I was feeling and it didn't go well. I told her that I wouldn't be broken up if I was to contract a terminal disease...

Over the last 2 years I've lost my mother, my father, my son, my granddaughter...I have nobody other than my wife.

she talks to her family DAILY and then tells me that she should be enough for me...while she still has her family.

Last night when we went to bed, as we got under the covers, I told her I was cold (hint, hint)...she rolled over and told me "You'll warm up. Good night."

triggered feelings that she is really not that interested in me. Old behavior tells me that I know how to fix that and it crossed my mind.

I guess I'll talk with my therapist tomorrow about it. I am in a bad way right now.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Oh MR, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Just from this post- it almost seems that when you make a deliberate decision not to speak up, the world smacks you in the head for it. I hope your session goes well and that you find your center soon.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Really sorry to hear about your son, MR . I hope it's only temporary. I know how much you adore your granddaughter.

I hope your therapist provides some help today and that things at work calm down a bit!! My sis is having a hysteroscopy next week and is super nervous because they're attempting it while she's awake. I'm sure your wife was glad for your company and comfort, and I hope she gets good results. 

Hang in there!


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

MountainRunner said:


> triggered feelings that she is really not that interested in me. Old behavior tells me that I know how to fix that and it crossed my mind.


MR, I still have that knee-jerk response to feeling unwanted as well. At least you noticed it and plan to talk to your therapist about it. 

I think your wife perhaps takes her support system for granted and doesn't know what it's like to only have one person. It is risky to have a support system of one.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Hang on, MR. Good on you for demanding a therapy appointment ASAP. I hope it helps today.

I know you're overwhelmed right now, it's palpable in your post.

One thing at a time. Focus on YOU to get to a better place. Then you'll be able to conquer the rest.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Hate when the ****storms decide it time for a visit. Hope you get some relief today in IC.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Mountainrunner

Your feelings are to be a priority also during reconciliation. As you know communication is key, so is vulnerability. I'm assuming, so please cut me some slack, but I imagine that's why your talk didn't go well. You were vulnerable and it wasn't met by your wife. That does cause for harsh emotions to be felt by you. However, in bed I would say to not hint and be clear about your statements. If the other person doesn't pick up on what you say you need to explain more. I am guilty of this myself and its easy to do. 

The best part is that you are seeing your therapist. That is great! With all chaos breaking out at work and staying with your wife was also great. That had to build trust with your wife. 

I can only advise to keep doing what you've been doing, don't let your hard work go to waste. Talk this through with your wife, give your son some time and then contact him. You will get through this, it's just emotions are running high with more then just you, but in the end you will have your family. I wish you the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

MR... are you feeling better today? I sure hope so.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> MR... are you feeling better today? I sure hope so.


A bit, thanks happy...And thanks to all of you who chimed in. This week has seen a whole series of events that culminated in "The Perfect Storm" I suppose. I'm still grappling with issues, but seeing my therapist helped a lot. We went through some DBT exercises that allowed me to "qualify" what I was feeling so that I can identify the trigger and anticipate it.

I've also learned something that should have been apparent...Check out the behavior instead of assuming the worst. In other words....just ask.

I also was offered, when I met with my therapist, to attend a class that begins next month for couples that focuses on communication and conflict resolution. It is an eight week course (one day per week) and couples are sent home with assignments and whatnot. When asked my wife if she would attend with me, she was very enthusiastic about going....Good news. 

Thanks again everyone and take care.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

That's really great news about your wife being willing to go with you.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I'm glad you are doing a bit better MR, and great news on that class I think that is something most couples could use.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

MountainRunner said:


> When asked my wife if she would attend with me, she was very enthusiastic about going....Good news.


:smthumbup:

Atta boy!!!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

This is wonderful news! You and your wife are working as a team on this, you're actually quite lucky.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

boltam said:


> She rolled away from you rather than spooning you or hugging you?
> 
> Her body language speaks volumes, and it's all bad.
> 
> How can you possibly fix that?


Did you read the rest of this thread, where MR said that they are going to therapy to work on communication together-that's how these things get fixed. And I sincerely believe this is completely fixable.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

boltam said:


> I skimmed. I don't have much faith in MC, how can going to therapy make her want to hug and spoon the guy? It's a natural reflexive response that happens when two people WANT to be with one another, it can't be forced.



If it was a constant theme in their relationship instead of a random one night event, I'd agree. That is not the normal dynamic in thier marriage.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> *If it was a constant theme in their relationship instead of a random one night event, I'd agree*. That is not the normal dynamic in thier marriage.


This. She usually is responsive. Last night when we went to bed, I took her in my arms, looked to her and said "kiss me" to which she enthusiastically responded. I just got triggered over something stupid because I couldn't get outside my own fvcked up head at the time. Now that I've had time to process the whole thing, I was an idiot for spinning so hard. I'm a dumbass sometimes.


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