# Depressed and unhealthy husband HELP



## LynnS (Oct 17, 2016)

Hi there, I'm new to this sort of thing... 
To start with, my husband and I dated for about 6 months before getting engaged, 6 months later we were married. We married when I was 21 and he 23. I still have no reason why we married so quickly, perhaps just caught up in the moment of it all (it did not help that our families were very happy and wanted us married). 

We are here 2 years later and have had the same issues over and over again. He suffers from depression and is currently on Prozac, but I feel like it is not working. He can be described as having a flat affect, very monotone and does not normally go out of the house to socialize (whereas I am usually okay with going out to eat with friends).. He also, at 25, is looking at having diabetes and high blood pressure. He has actively told me I'm the only reason he is taking the medication he is on now (prozac only), which in turn makes me feel rather trapped. On another note, he is extremely overweight and always has been to a degree it has simply gotten worse as the months and years have gone by. Whew, this is a mouthful and I apologize!!

Basically, these things adding up have me considering if I made the right choice in marrying a man that will do nothing to take care of his physical and emotional issues that are very obviously there. Please offer any input. My friends and family seem at odds with the entire situation. I have also brought these things up to him, and he has said he'd change, that was 6 months ago.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

When was the last time he had a complete physical? Is he taking meds for the diabetes and high blood pressure?

You found the right place for help.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Your family was so very happy at you marrying a depressed, poorly treated, obese guy with diabetes and high blood pressure who never leaves the house to socialize, after you knew him for less than 6 months (at the time of the engagement). 

What were they so very happy about?


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## LynnS (Oct 17, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> When was the last time he had a complete physical? Is he taking meds for the diabetes and high blood pressure?
> 
> You found the right place for help.



He had a complete work up 3 months ago and an A1C about 2 weeks ago. He is on a diuretic but it has not brought the BP down, his doctor has said to come back in to get on another med for the BP. Thanks so much for replying!


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## LynnS (Oct 17, 2016)

caruso said:


> Your was so very happy at you marrying a depressed, poorly treated, obese guy with diabetes and high blood pressure who never leaves the house to socialize, after you knew him for less than 6 months (at the time of the engagement).
> 
> What were they so very happy about?


It sounds crazy, I know! We had actually known each other since high school but had dated for 6 months. They were happy I found someone with a career and that was nice. 2 years into the marriage I am realizing there is an issue


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

LynnS said:


> It sounds crazy, I know! We had actually known each other since high school but had dated for 6 months. They were happy I found someone with a career and that was nice. 2 years into the marriage I am realizing there is an issue


You were about 20 years old when you decided to get married. Your family was very happy because you met someone with a career?

Did it ever occur to them that most guys in your age range are still in college working towards a degree so they can GET a career? Why were they so impatient that they wanted to see you married off at an age when most people are college sophomores?

You're right.

It sounds crazy.


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## LynnS (Oct 17, 2016)

caruso said:


> You were about 20 years old when you decided to get married. Your family was very happy because you met someone with a career?
> 
> Did it ever occur to them that most guys in your age range are still in college working towards a degree so they can GET a career? Why were they so impatient that they wanted to see you married off at an age when most people are college sophomores?
> 
> ...


Was in college when we got together, actually. I am now about to graduate.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

LynnS said:


> Was in college when we got together, actually. I am now about to graduate.


Congratulations. What does your husband do?


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## LynnS (Oct 17, 2016)

caruso said:


> Congratulations. What does your husband do?


He is a correctional sergeant


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Is this the same doctor treating the depression?

How much does he weigh?

I ask a lot if questions because i am older than you and have dealt with a spouse who had diabetes, HBP, depression and more. And weight. It is all connected. 

I assume he is taking some like lasix as a diuretic. 

There are many HBP meds. Many antidepressants besides prozac. 

Is he taking metformin?


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

I can see why your family wanted you to marry him.

It's my personal and completely unsubstantiated and biased opinion that the amount of money a person makes is directly proportional to the number of syllables in their job title.


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## LynnS (Oct 17, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Is this the same doctor treating the depression?
> 
> How much does he weigh?
> 
> ...


Your questions are fine, I promise! He is around 5'7" and weights about 275-280. He is on hydrochlorothiazide for the BP. Prozac is the second antidepressant he has tried, 6 months ago he was on lexapro but it was messing with his sleeping apparently. He is not on metformin, his doctor for some reason has said she wants to wait it out until the next A1C, but as a nursing student, I have to disagree and think he should be on it. The A1C a few weeks ago was 7.1.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Are you sure it was not sleep apnea that was messing up his sleeping?

Well, you of course know the #1 treatment plan for all this. Diet and exercise. But i assume he is depressed and does not want to exercise. 

Does he eat when depressed?

Is his weight stable or is it continually to climb?


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## LynnS (Oct 17, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Are you sure it was not sleep apnea that was messing up his sleeping?
> 
> Well, you of course know the #1 treatment plan for all this. Diet and exercise. But i assume he is depressed and does not want to exercise.
> 
> ...


I do not believe it's sleep apnea as he has not complained since coming off the lexapro. He knows he should be dieting and exercising, but his days off consist of sleeping or watching TV all day. Not sure that he eats when he's depressed so much that it's eating a lot in maybe 3 meals a day. It has continued to climb, he was 220ish when we got together.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Ok so he eats way too much, he's considerably overweight with poorly treated diabetes and depression, and he sits around all day when he's not working, on the couch watching TV. He's not interested in diet, exercise and he doesn't even want to take his medications, he only does so "because of you" whatever that means. He's not doing anything else positive "because of you" so I'm not getting why he chooses to do that one thing, especially given that it's ineffective in dealing with his depression and if anything it's turning him into a zombie which is characteristic of such medications when not prescribed correctly. 

There is no reason to expect this situation is going to get anywhere but worse.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Why do you feel "trapped" as you wrote in the first post?


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

5'7 270? What? That's huge for his height. Are you overweight as well? I only ask this as it's definitely frustrating to be with someone not taking care of themselves when you are.

Either way, really, why did you marry him? Were you fearful that nobody else would come along? It's tough, I am sure. Either way, at his age and his weight, he is looking at a lifetime of misery. He has to lose weight now or really, you should look to get out. He is going to be a burden on you and it's not a fun life taking care of someone who doesn't take care of themselves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Does he work in the prison system at the State or Federal level?


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

LynnS said:


> Hi there, I'm new to this sort of thing...
> To start with, my husband and I dated for about 6 months before getting engaged, 6 months later we were married. We married when I was 21 and he 23. I still have no reason why we married so quickly, perhaps just caught up in the moment of it all (it did not help that our families were very happy and wanted us married).
> 
> We are here 2 years later and have had the same issues over and over again. He suffers from depression and is currently on Prozac, but I feel like it is not working. He can be described as having a flat affect, very monotone and does not normally go out of the house to socialize (whereas I am usually okay with going out to eat with friends).. He also, at 25, is looking at having diabetes and high blood pressure. He has actively told me I'm the only reason he is taking the medication he is on now (prozac only), which in turn makes me feel rather trapped. On another note, he is extremely overweight and always has been to a degree it has simply gotten worse as the months and years have gone by. Whew, this is a mouthful and I apologize!!
> ...


No need to apologize; this post is quite short compared to most opening posts.

When you first broached the issues, what exactly did you say, and how did he respond?

Did he become moody, yell or lash out at you? 

What does he do when he gets home from work? 

Does he play video games or spend too much time on electronics like phones or computers? 

How much time does he spend in front of the tv?

What time do you and he get home? When do you two leave the house in the morning? I read about a family of obese people who pledged to take a walk around the neighborhood everyday come rain, snow, or shine. They lost a ton of weight as a result.


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