# I think this is the time to let go.



## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

My wife will never be really honest with me. And I stop believing her 3 months ago. Trust is our biggest issue, and it will never be resolved, no matter what I tried. I love my children and I still love her, but I think it's time to finally let go. I already proposed to her a month seperation, that she denied. But I will move out of the house next week anyway. I need time and space to clear my head, and I think she need that too. I will talk to her about the guide/rule of our seperation, when she's ready for it. She's still in denial now.

I still don't know how to tell our children about this, but I don't want to lie to them. Any suggestions on how to make it acceptable for the children (5 and 2 yo)?
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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Horsa,

What are the problems you're dealing with? Do you have any hope of recociling the marriage?

Many will tell you that a physical seperation is not the best way to work on a marriage. It simply removes you (for a time) and shows you a unrealustic picture of what life would be


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Ask yourself a question before you move out. Do you love your children and want to be a Dad in theif life?

Moving out of the marital home is the #1 reason guys get screwed in custody disputes. You set the status quo that it is okay for Mom to live in the marital home and take care of the kids full time. Look at it from the view of the court.

I sense your frustration with your wife but don't mess things up this way and put yourself in a bad position. It is tough, but I would recommend an in-home separation, if anything. Move into the spare bedroom or the basement. Limit your interactions to only those that deal with the children. Start to document your involvement with your kids, it will come in handy later.

As for your kids, there is no way to make it acceptable to them. They will not understand and will be unhappy. The best you can do is reassure them that you love them and be as honest as you can. Just be the best Dad you can be.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

Thanks for the replies, I have done what have been suggested. I move into the guest bedroom for 5 days now. My wife was shocked at first, and she tried everything to lure me back (wearing those lingeries that have been there for years but never tried even once). Well she said that now she was ready to be really honest with me. I thinked there is still hope for us.
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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Hard to advise without knowing why you feel you can't trust her.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

When we were dating for 6 months, she got pregnant, and she insisted that we get married. I said I will marry her but I need more time, she hadn't even met my mother yet. She insisted that abortion is not an option and she lied to me that she never had one. I finally knew that she had abortion twice, first with her first BF when she was 19. The second after she was already a party girl that she didn't really know who the father is, although she suspected two guys.
She was still in love with her last BF as they broke up only a month when I met her. She had thoughts about him everyday after we were married, even wanting him.
She said she love me now, but I knew she will never be in love with me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Thats a sad lot of baggage.

What do you want? You say you love her but you don't trust her. She lied to you about past abortions, she hid the fact that she had feeling for another man when she married you. Obviously, getting someone pregnant and then agreeing to marry is about the worst way to begin a marriage, but you're already there so deal with what you have.

Do you want her to love you back?
Do you want her to be completely honest with you?
What if that means she doesn't care for you the same way you care for her? can you handle that truth? Is that enough to work with?

So, if you could have your perfect marriage, what would it look like? How would she treat you? How would you treat her? identify what you want from her, then lay it out. What can you compromise on and what are deal breakers. If she doesn't have the same feelings for you, is it possible-do you believe the feelings she does have can morph into what you want?


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

I always want her to fall in love with me, u can even say I dream of it, although that would be almost impossible. If she is completely honest, there's a way we could work things out. At least she could try to care for me and my feelings, rather than lied to me that she loved me but kept me at a distance.
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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Then that is what you demand. If she wants to stay married, she must become very honest in all her dealing with you. She must treat you with respect, put you before anyone else and really put her all into making this marriage work.

You deserve to have a wife who loves you. Tell her that. And when she tries to invalidate you, you tell her that you're pretty certain she doesn't because you know she's not honest. tell her you want a marriage where you wife loves you, and ask that she be grown up enough to let you find that with someone else if she can't give it.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

The problem now is that I used to see through her lies, that whenever she tried to open up to me honestly, I can always see there was something missing that I thought she tried to hide, though she confessed that she forgot some of it, since it was a long time ago. And if I pressed her for those missing pieces, she did her best to remember and tell me about it.
She said she love me, though I knew she didn't fall in love with me. She admitted that she is afraid that if I leave her, nobody will want her and love her like I do.
I tell her I want a wife that fall in love with me, like I do with her. Is that too much to asked?


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

It didn't worked out. I gave her enough chances to be really honest with me, yet she failed everytime. I think it's time to quit.
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