# New here - married 10 years



## Writer_slowly_drowning (Aug 18, 2020)

Hello everyone, I'm new to this place, looking for advice on my marriage of 10 years, with 1 child under 10. There's zero intimacy, attraction, desire, etc. We have great communication, but without change I feel like I'm spinning my wheels constantly. Hoping to figure stuff out and move forward.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Hey there Write


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Writer_slowly_drowning said:


> Hello everyone, I'm new to this place, looking for advice on my marriage of 10 years, with 1 child under 10. *There's zero intimacy, attraction, desire*, etc. We have great communication, but without change I feel like I'm spinning my wheels constantly. Hoping to figure stuff out and move forward.


Welcome. 
Is that on your part or spouse's part?
Also, if you have great communication, why are there these problems in your relationship, and why are you here to figure stuff out?


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## Writer_slowly_drowning (Aug 18, 2020)

I don't feel attracted to him anymore. I've tried to initiate sex, but he just turns me down. I asked him, and he says he's still attracted to me, but after everything it just doesn't feel like it. I've tried getting us to have more dates, I've talked to him multiple times about how our lack of intimacy bothers me. He just doesn't seem to want to do anything about it, he says he's content with our relationship and where we're at.

It's hard because I feel like he's my roommate, not my husband. I don't like the idea of divorce, especially since we have a daughter, but I'm not happy.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Writer_slowly_drowning said:


> I don't feel attracted to him anymore. I've tried to initiate sex, but he just turns me down. I asked him, and he says he's still attracted to me, but after everything it just doesn't feel like it. I've tried getting us to have more dates, I've talked to him multiple times about how our lack of intimacy bothers me. He just doesn't seem to want to do anything about it, he says he's content with our relationship and where we're at.
> 
> It's hard because I feel like he's my roommate, not my husband. I don't like the idea of divorce, especially since we have a daughter, but I'm not happy.


So just to be clear, it's basically that he's rejecting your advances? As I've said elsewhere, many many times, google "The Sex Starved Marriage" Ted Talk. It's only 16 minutes long and it could really hit home. I doubt your husband understands what rejection really feels like to you, or the dangers your marriage is facing.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Writer_slowly_drowning said:


> I don't feel attracted to him anymore. I've tried to initiate sex, but he just turns me down. I asked him, and he says he's still attracted to me, but after everything it just doesn't feel like it. I've tried getting us to have more dates, I've talked to him multiple times about how our lack of intimacy bothers me. He just doesn't seem to want to do anything about it, he says he's content with our relationship and where we're at.
> 
> It's hard because I feel like he's my roommate, not my husband. I don't like the idea of divorce, especially since we have a daughter, but I'm not happy.


So, he's content and you're not. And he's not willing to adjust to meet your needs. Have you tried asking him how he plans on solving the problem, since you're not content? If so, what does he suggest?


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