# Wife Seems Just Disinterested...is it my expectations?



## youngstown (Apr 16, 2010)

So it just seems over the last year or so that my wife is just not interested in my life happenings.

Case in point, I do things that bring me pleasure and she never seems to care to really ask about them. I just think if she went to an event and had a great time, I would be interested to hear about it and be happy for her.

She never seems to be that way for me. I always have to start the conversations and she just never seems to ask me how things are, or be genuinely interested in my life. Maybe my expectations are out of whack.

I take a great interest in her life but is doesnt seem to be reciprocated. And it makes me sad...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You gotta let her know...she needs to try....years from now someone else will.

I don't mean to threaten her but this is serious and needs to be addressed while your young. 

For me and mine, it was one of the things that drove us apart.

Point is get it fixed *now*

So please look into it with all seriousness, you both diserve to have a healthy marriage and in return the both of you can have a happy life.


Trust me...this kind of thing is what built so much resentment from me, and yes it can be to high an expectation, but she also needs to do the work also, so go fix it.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Remove the word "seems" from your subject line. 




youngstown said:


> So it just seems over the last year or so that my wife is just not interested in my life happenings.
> 
> Case in point, I do things that bring me pleasure and she never seems to care to really ask about them. I just think if she went to an event and had a great time, I would be interested to hear about it and be happy for her.
> 
> ...


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## youngstown (Apr 16, 2010)

Yes between this and the lack of sex & affection I posted prior, it really does build up a lot of resentment.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Are you really afraid you can't find someone who will treat you decently?




youngstown said:


> Yes between this and the lack of sex & affection I posted prior, it really does build up a lot of resentment.


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## youngstown (Apr 16, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Are you really afraid you can't find someone who will treat you decently?


I think that is my greatest fear, and what truly holds me back.

I really enjoy spending life with someone, sharing everything. Being alone for a few years until that next person comes along is a great deterrent for me. But living the rest of my life like this is also not what I had hoped for..


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Bravo - you get huge props for being honest?
How old are you?
Do you make decent money?
Are you in good physical shape?



youngstown said:


> I think that is my greatest fear, and what truly holds me back.
> 
> I really enjoy spending life with someone, sharing everything. Being alone for a few years until that next person comes along is a great deterrent for me. But living the rest of my life like this is also not what I had hoped for..


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you've done the work, done a consistent Plan A, and got nothing in return from her, she is damaged and you'll never get what you want. Time to walk.


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## youngstown (Apr 16, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Bravo - you get huge props for being honest?
> How old are you?
> Do you make decent money?
> Are you in good physical shape?
> ...


40yrs old, $100k, decent shape. 

I feel like I need to make this choice before I end up being 50, and regretting another 10 yrs of this. But I cant get over the hump of making the choice. The uncertainty of what would come paralyzes me sometimes.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> 40yrs old, $100k, decent shape.
> 
> I feel like I need to make this choice before I end up being 50, and regretting another 10 yrs of this. But I cant get over the hump of making the choice. The uncertainty of what would come paralyzes me sometimes.


You guys have some issues. What are you looking for? Do you love her? Do you want it to change? If so, get yourself some counseling. Become "better" at some things and see if it helps. Do your time trying to fix it. However, she may sink, not swim.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Youngstown, I ran into this in my marriage as well. I took up running and racing as a result. For one race, I trained for 8 months, about 2600 km and 300 hours. Did she come to the race? Nope. Did she come to any of my local races, even when the kids asked to come and I could tell her within 5 minutes of when I'd be done? Nope. Did she come to the 20 minute race that I told her and the kids I had a good chance at winning? Nope.

Did I stick around in my marriage? Nope. . this was one of multiple issues in my marriage, though.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Why is it that you think you won't have lots of other opportunities? 

Worse than that, why would you stay with someone who clearly does not care about you - which causes you a lot of misery - when worst case you will end up in the same spot. Much more likely you will find that there are plenty of women who will actually treat you the way you treat them. 



youngstown said:


> 40yrs old, $100k, decent shape.
> 
> I feel like I need to make this choice before I end up being 50, and regretting another 10 yrs of this. But I cant get over the hump of making the choice. The uncertainty of what would come paralyzes me sometimes.


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## youngstown (Apr 16, 2010)

She has said no to counselling. I get the feeling she believes my expectations from the relationship are out to lunch, or unattainable.

I am not super outgoing, and I guess I feel it might be a long time until I meet someone else. Even though I think I have lots to offer!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Believe me, women your age are DYING to find a guy like you. Trust me.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Young,
I really was hoping to avoid this because it is not exactly an uplifting post for the casual single/over 40 female. 

If you posted your profile on a dating site you would be inundated with potential suitors. You don't have to be outgoing - they will reach out to you. Clearly you are not aware of age/income/gender demographics. You will be dating within 30 days. You will be dating a LOT. 




youngstown said:


> She has said no to counselling. I get the feeling she believes my expectations from the relationship are out to lunch, or unattainable.
> 
> I am not super outgoing, and I guess I feel it might be a long time until I meet someone else. Even though I think I have lots to offer!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Young,
> I really was hoping to avoid this because it is not exactly an uplifting post for the casual single/over 40 female.
> 
> If you posted your profile on a dating site you would be inundated with potential suitors. You don't have to be outgoing - they will reach out to you. Clearly you are not aware of age/income/gender demographics. You will be dating within 30 days. You will be dating a LOT.


+1 on that... If you're anywhere close to a "normal/average" guy, this shouldn't be an issue.

C


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## youngstown (Apr 16, 2010)

Hmm, surprised to hear that. I kind of thought the age thing would be against me. 

It sure is difficult to make that final decision thought to leave..I have been close a few times now, but then just go back to same old.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My DD20 won't date guys her age. They're too immature, lol. But she won't date 30 year olds, either. She thinks a 23-25 year old would be just about right.

But, as women get older, that window opens. I imagine a 40 year old man could get women interested who are 25, 30, 35, 40, and even 50. Just stay away from the 25 year olds, ok?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think there's a lot of women our age in a similar situation... A re-evaluation of where things are at (aka mid-life crisis). Of course, at our age, the odds of finding someone without kids or some other form of "baggage" is pretty slim too... So you may have to do some thinking about what's important to you.

For me, we separated (my decision again) about 5 years into our marriage (about 12 years ago), and got back together pretty quickly, like a week later. None of the issues were ever addressed (stupid, right). This time around though, I decided that I wasn't going to be in the same situation in 5 years... Thinking I should have made a different decision "back then".

C


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