# Oral & O's... Advice



## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

This question is for the women out there so guys I would appreciate if you just let the women respond... 

If you've read my previous post you'll know that sex is relatively new to both my H & I. Since being married sex has been great but the one thing that hasn't happened for me is the "O". I am by nature a nervous person and it takes a lot for me to truly relax and be in the moment. So I know that is part of the issue for me... but now that we have been married a few months I'm more relaxed than I've ever been. 

Now, I've been poking around the internet and I've found that very few women can achieve an "O" thru PIV stimulation alone. It generally takes more foreplay, oral or toys to get you to that next level. I'm not interested in toys and I will say my "H" is very good at getting me aroused with foreplay but I'm still not there. I want to try oral but I'm still a little apprehensive. 

I know he wants to... as he is very passionate and the past week or so he keeps working his way south looking for my signal it's OK. I very much want him too... I just know if he does I want/need to take care of him as well. So I'm a little skittish... maybe I'm over thinking things again. In my research it says the average man releases 1.5ml to 5.0ml... 5.0ml is only a teaspoon. I don't think this is accurate but I found it on multiple sites??? I grabbed my measuring spoons that go from 1/4, 1/2 to a full teaspoon up to a full table spoon just for reference. Not that I can really measure it... but I can hardly believe it's only a teaspoon or less something is messed up with that information.

This concerns me as I just don't know how I will react when his moment arrives. I don't want to gag on it or worse. Some say the best way to deal with it is to just quickly swallow it to avoid the taste. (I'm not sure I can do that) I also read you can affect the taste by having him avoid red meat and eating lots of fruits like berries and pineapple. (Is this true and does it help)

In addition to all this I've noticed during foreplay that a clear liquid oozes from his penis... sometimes quite a lot... it is very sticky and slippery and it doesn't seem to have any smell. From what I read this is pretty normal... but if you want to perform oral how do you deal with this?... and what is the best way for dealing with the big moment especially for my first time? Any tricks the experienced ladies have learned that they can share?

His birthday is coming up and I know he wants to perform oral on me and it would be a good opportunity for me to surprise him as well. I know when I get a few drinks in me I'll be much more relaxed and very amorous... alcohol makes us both much more uninhibited. We are going away for an overnight at this resort about an hour away so this should be a great weekend. I'm thinking this may be the perfect opportunity to experience an O. So any advice will help.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Araucaria... That is some great advice... having your H let you know when the moment is about to happen. Do you find the volume to be too much or doesn't that matter at that point. I just don't know what my reaction will be that first time. I tested myself with a banana this morning and I can't go too far... 3" maybe as I do have a strong gag reflex. Is there anything you can do to get over this?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Gee, you sure have done a lot of scientific research. There are varying views. I'm pro oral all the way!! Would be a shame to miss this way of sharing your love and a nice birthday gift. The emotion of the moment adds value your research hasn't shown if you don't worry about it.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

I don’t mind the taste at all and the amount is not overwhelming (yes, 1/2 teaspoon is average). It can be hard to swallow when your mouth is full of penis though!

Honestly if you have never given oral before I would start with him ejaculating on you, not in your mouth. He will find finishing on your breasts just as hot. Tell him you want him to finish that way before you start. Then take your finger and taste it. He will also find that hot and you will know what to expect for the next time. You will also be able to judge the volume by what you need to clean up. Win win. 

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You don’t need deep throat him for him to enjoy it. My jaw gets tired so I will switch to licking for a few seconds to give myself a break before going back at it.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

It's absolutely possible to give him oral sex, great oral sex without getting any cum in your mouth.

I don't like it, I have tried to, and I don't, and there is nothing sexy about gagging on it (been there done that).

Every man I have been with has given a "I am going to cum" warning, and I simply finish him off with my hand. I will still suck on his shaft, balls etc, but simply do not have his head in my mouth while he comes.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

I’m a huge fan of giving and receiving oral sex. 🙂

First off, when he does it for you, try not to be shy. Let him know what feels good. You don’t actually have to say the words but make sure you at least make sounds to let him that he’s doing a good job. And don’t be afraid to move him around if something doesn’t feel good.

For him... The clear stuff just tastes a little salty. I like it. If you’re nervous then you can start off using your hand and mouth together. Hand for the shaft and mouth on the head. When you feel more comfortable then just start using your mouth. Up and down motion mimicking sex should get him there. I don’t know how you feel about porn but you could watch some BJ porn for technique. If you’re against porn then I’m sure there’s some educational videos or drawings out there. Drink lots of water beforehand so that you can keep your mouth nice and wet. The same advice applies to him about being vocal. Make sure he knows to give you feedback. There’s nothing sexier than hearing him moan when something feels good. 
My husband usually lets me know before he orgasms. I push it deep in my throat and swallow quickly. You don’t have to swallow though. I’ve pulled my mouth off and finished it by hand before. Just do whatever feels right. 

Goodness.... I’m a little jealous. I wish I could go back and re-experience my first time with oral.


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## Leroi (May 13, 2016)

Sorry in advance, you asked for female reponses, but I can't help writing this: be careful with your teeth.... I mean VERY careful!


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

I'm a man, so I won't comment on your specific questions. 

You are doing great just by looking into these topics, your husband is a lucky man.

A couple of general comments:

I believe your husband knows that you're still searching for an orgasm? This is perfectly normal. Hopefully he's aware of it and, if so, he's very interested in helping you discover it. If he isn't aware, he needs to be.

As for oral on you, don't assume that you'll automatically orgasm from it the first time he tries. It would be great if you did but, like most things, practice makes perfect. I just want to make sure that, if it doesn't happen the first time, you don't give up.

As for him, state ahead of time that he's to warn you when he's about to ejaculate (this is standard procedure, but being a newbie, there's a chance he may not know). It's also possible that he might not orgasm from oral at first either. 

I'd recommend you avoid the issue of his ejaculating in your mouth the first time. There's enough to worry about without that. Tell him you want him to do it on your breasts (or somewhere else) the first time. Avoiding the small amount of fluid that comes out ahead of time is almost impossible, so I think you'll need to try and get comfortable with that. Go ahead and let him know that you anticipate trying to do more eventually, but that you want to start by focusing on the basics.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

I would try not to be concerned too much about having an orgasm. The more you worry about it, the less likely it is to happen because you are too focused on it.

My recommendation: go down on him. You don't have to deep-throat him -- like someone else mentioned, sometimes I will take a break and lick and suck the tip before taking him into my mouth again. As far as swallowing the cum, if you love him, it's a part of him. There is no closer way to be than taking part of him into your body in as many ways as you can. Therefore his taste is incredible -- because it is him and I love him and I want him to be as close as he can be to me.

My ex-boyfriend (from awhile ago) was always very verbal so I could tell when he was about to cum. He would tell me anyway ("I'm going to cum... ") but his moaning and voice gave him away, and also right before, he got harder and bigger and I could tell. That is when I deep-throated him and put my tongue to work. Not that much comes out - maybe a teaspoon or so. I just instantly swallowed and loved it. It was him.

As for him going down on you.... relax and enjoy it. There are no rules. You can even put your hands on his head and guide him, or push him deeper if that feels good. Don't focus on orgasms, just enjoy. Too much focus on an end result will assure it won't happen. But it will, if you just go with the flow.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Advice for your husband assuming he lacks confidence about his oral technique on you. Buy the book "she comes first" and have him read it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Someone rightfully said you need to be careful with your teeth.

At the same time, he needs to understand how sensitive the clitoris is. You may need him to try indirect stimulation at first. If you are comfortable with this and would enjoy more direct stimulation there, you can guide him toward what you think feels good.

It's likely that, at some point, he's going to do something clumsy and it will be uncomfortable or even painful. Don't overreact or get upset; try to let him know you appreciate the effort and that this is a learning process for the both of you. Regroup and reattack. Remember, this should be fun, not too serious, and you are engaging in exploring new worlds together. Whatever you do, have fun with it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

And if he truly lacks knowledge of how to perform oral on a woman, don't be shy about showing him your "area" where it feels best for his tongue to spend most of the time on.

I'm trying not to be too graphic. Another woman may add more here.

Just don't worry! Practice makes perfect.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

RookieNookie said:


> This question is for the women out there so guys I would appreciate if you just let the women respond...
> 
> .... and what is the best way for dealing with the big moment especially for my first time? Any tricks the experienced ladies have learned that they can share?
> 
> His birthday is coming up and I know he wants to perform oral on me and it would be a good opportunity for me to surprise him as well. I know when I get a few drinks in me I'll be much more relaxed and very amorous... alcohol makes us both much more uninhibited. We are going away for an overnight at this resort about an hour away so this should be a great weekend. I'm thinking this may be the perfect opportunity to experience an O. So any advice will help.


So since it is his birthday why don't you make the first move? Your description suggests he will be receptive--even grateful. Oral doesn't have to be reciprocal, but can be enjoyed in many ways. 

BTW: Don't diminish the usefulness of toys in the future. When you both agree, your future sex life will be a rewarding adventure.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

@RookieNookie be sure to communicate with your husband. If you are worried about what the experience will be like but you are willing to try... tell him exactly that. Expect it to be awkward at first and ask him ahead of time how he thinks he might feel if you react badly to it. This way if someone might get their feelings hurt, talking about it beforehand will really help. Also ask him to take a shower first, or perhaps enjoy a shower together beforehand. 

Diet can also influence the flavor from what I have read. Have him avoid spicy or fried foods and instead eat lots of fresh fruits like pineapple. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

badsanta said:


> @RookieNookie be sure to communicate with your husband. If you are worried about what the experience will be like but you are willing to try... tell him exactly that. Expect it to be awkward at first and ask him ahead of time how he thinks he might feel if you react badly to it. This way if someone might get their feelings hurt, talking about it beforehand will really help. Also ask him to take a shower first, or perhaps enjoy a shower together beforehand.
> 
> Diet can also influence the flavor from what I have read. Have him avoid spicy or fried foods and instead eat lots of fresh fruits like pineapple.
> 
> ...


I concur with this.

I've heard of the diet/flavor connection as well.

For him: No coffee. No meat. No dairy. Preferably no alcohol. 
Instead, have him eat lots of veggies (not asparagus) and fruits. Drink Gatorade.

Next time when he starts to go South on you, and you are ready for it...don't be bashful, just spread 'em, grab his head and put it where you want him to be...problem solved.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

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## StuckInLove (Jun 6, 2017)

Hope Shimmers said:


> I would try not to be concerned too much about having an orgasm. The more you worry about it, the less likely it is to happen because you are too focused on it.
> 
> My recommendation: go down on him. You don't have to deep-throat him -- like someone else mentioned, sometimes I will take a break and lick and suck the tip before taking him into my mouth again. As far as swallowing the cum, if you love him, it's a part of him. There is no closer way to be than taking part of him into your body in as many ways as you can. Therefore his taste is incredible -- because it is him and I love him and I want him to be as close as he can be to me.
> 
> ...


THIS. 1000x over. You asked for female responses, but you can only gain from both perspectives. You're free to ignore my response, but here it is..

Regarding your O, as said many times, don't dwell on it, just enjoy, relax, and communicate. Tell him what you like, he will be receptive, he clearly loves you and is attracted to you and wants you to feel orgasmic. As much pleasure as you feel making him orgasm, he will get that same satisfaction giving you a feeling of ecstasy. Seeing the woman you love writhing around, moaning, twitching, and soaking the sheets is the greatest feeling a man can get outside of his own orgasm.

Regarding giving him oral and swallowing his ejaculate, as said in the quoted post, it's HIM. It's part of him, it came from his body and is entering yours. Personally, I feel the exact same way about my W's cum. When she has an orgasm and starts releasing thick, potent fluids, I absolutely cannot get enough of it. I lift her legs up and clean her out for every drop because it is something very special coming from her body, and entering mine. It's the same the other way around (from what I've been told) when you swallow your husbands cum. Sure, it might be slightly unpleasant at first, but when the brain makes the connection between the taste of his cum, and the fact that not only are you making him feel incredible and loved by you, but also part of him is entering you, it becomes delicious and desirable. Having said all that, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Sure, try it out, but if it's truly an unpleasant experience for you, communicate with him and simply don't do it unless you really want to, which in that case, just try again. Sex needs to be a pleasure for you both, always.


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## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

You seem a little stressed about it, but he’s your husband, he’ll be understanding and you can get through anything together. Don’t wait for a birthday or special weekend, try it tonight! Facing your fear for the first time is he hardest part. You may really, really enjoy it. It IS pleasurable to give your husband pleasure, and to receive. You two have a great opportunity to learn together. Don’t worry about giving a perfect performance. Just relax and try.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> RookieNookie,
> 
> You don't have to worry about bringing him to orgasm with oral. Just enjoy feeling how his penis feels in your mouth and with your tongue. Your jaw is going to get tired, no matter what, and when that happens, take a break and enjoy him another way.
> 
> ...


Yeah... some are missing to point of my post... I have no desire to watch porn. I agree... sex is fun... but I don't think it would be without someone you truly love.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> As far as how far back it can go, don't try to force it down your throat. Just take it to the back of your throat and stop. Over time you won't gag, but that doesn't mean it will go any further than before.


I'm not sure I will be able to do that but maybe eventually... Thanks


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

What men care about in oral sex varies a lot. For some oral followed by hands or intercourse is great. For others its important to finish with oral. Some care about whether they finish in your mouth, or even if you swallow. Some like it deep, others don't care. BTW - none of this is "rational", there is no "reason" a man will want one thing as opposed to another. 

This means that its really useful to know what matters to your particular partner to avoid putting a lot of effort into something that isn't important to them.




I shouldnthave said:


> It's absolutely possible to give him oral sex, great oral sex without getting any cum in your mouth.
> 
> I don't like it, I have tried to, and I don't, and there is nothing sexy about gagging on it (been there done that).
> 
> Every man I have been with has given a "I am going to cum" warning, and I simply finish him off with my hand. I will still suck on his shaft, balls etc, but simply do not have his head in my mouth while he comes.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Thanks for the comments ladies... they leave me some options. Bluesclues, I shouldnthave & Araucaria... I still can't believe a half or a whole teaspoon is accurate but certainly some good advice for the first time. LeananSidhe ... Since I've been married we are so into each other that I think every things on the table on how we finish and I will base it on how the moment is and how the mood feels. I know my H would not push me to do anything I'd be uncomfortable with. I can say with certainty that I'm not into watching others perform these acts... not interested. I may be a rookie... going into my first game... but I certainly get the concept and the logical do's and don'ts (Guys really... yes I get no teeth) Sunsetmist... As for making the first move we'll have to see how the evening goes. Azimuth... I don't think stressed is the right word... I am anxious as this is simply new for me and I want it to be good for both of us.

We are abstaining tonight and Friday so we will both be fully recharge for Saturday night! The buildup is fun and exciting too and we're both having fun with it! While we haven't directly talked about what we are going to do sexually that night... other than to throw a few innuendos at each other... I know he's planning something new but the real surprise will be for him as I am too. The sexual electricity is already off the chart... and the sexual teasing we are doing to each other has already got my heart rate up. It's going to be tough the next two days to keep our clothes on! I do plan on teasing the heck out of him Friday night just to make him crazy... little kisses, bites and rubs in all the right places. I can tell already by the time Saturday night rolls around the excitement level is going to be almost too much to bear... we just need to survive Friday night and Saturday! LOL I'm hoping it's a night of new firsts for the both of us. Thanks for all the advice!


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

You go girl!!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

RookieNookie said:


> Thanks for the comments ladies... they leave me some options. Bluesclues, I shouldnthave & Araucaria... I still can't believe a half or a whole teaspoon is accurate but certainly some good advice for the first time. LeananSidhe ... Since I've been married we are so into each other that I think every things on the table on how we finish and I will base it on how the moment is and how the mood feels. I know my H would not push me to do anything I'd be uncomfortable with. I can say with certainty that I'm not into watching others perform these acts... not interested. I may be a rookie... going into my first game... but I certainly get the concept and the logical do's and don'ts (Guys really... yes I get no teeth) Sunsetmist... As for making the first move we'll have to see how the evening goes. Azimuth... I don't think stressed is the right word... I am anxious as this is simply new for me and I want it to be good for both of us.
> 
> We are abstaining tonight and Friday so we will both be fully recharge for Saturday night! The buildup is fun and exciting too and we're both having fun with it! While we haven't directly talked about what we are going to do sexually that night... other than to throw a few innuendos at each other... I know he's planning something new but the real surprise will be for him as I am too. The sexual electricity is already off the chart... and the sexual teasing we are doing to each other has already got my heart rate up. It's going to be tough the next two days to keep our clothes on! I do plan on teasing the heck out of him Friday night just to make him crazy... little kisses, bites and rubs in all the right places. I can tell already by the time Saturday night rolls around the excitement level is going to be almost too much to bear... we just need to survive Friday night and Saturday! LOL I'm hoping it's a night of new firsts for the both of us. Thanks for all the advice!


Sounds like you have the situation under control! I would not ask him to alter his diet in advance, especially when you don't even know that you don't like the taste. I also would not worry about the volume. If the idea of it in your mouth turns you off, just let him know you're not quite ready to try THAT part. As you two have more and more fun you'll get more comfortable and figure out what you both like. 

If a few more months go by and you still haven't had an orgasm though, I would not dismiss sex toys completely. They're just a tool. But If you really don't want to go there, you might check out the shower massager. Try rinsing really well with a gentle pulse for an extended period of time. Just saying....


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## StuckInLove (Jun 6, 2017)

Man, I miss that experimental period. Enjoy it while you can! From experience, I can tell you that when you surprise swallow for him, you're going to blow his mind (pun intended  ). You two will feel even closer to each other than ever.

Sounds like you have a fantastic marriage. I truly mean it when I say I hope you two don't lose an ounce of this excitement for each other.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

You've got it RookieNookie. It doesn't matter if you are a "Rookie" as long as you are having fun and feel loved by your husband and vise versa. In fact, being a "Rookie" allows even the simplest thing to be exciting to the two of you, while some experienced old timers don't find basic sex good anymore. In fact, it is so boring to them that some call it "vanilla."

If you begin to get into porn (which I hope you won't) the simplicity of sex won't be enough anymore. Try to keep sex just between you and your husband, and both of your imaginations. Don't begin to introduce outside things (like things from porn) because once you do more, the old and familiar won't be enough and you'll have to keep looking for different things that could eventually hurt your sex life or even your marriage.

After 28 years of marriage, sex is still enjoyable for my husband and I, and we have kept it to just our own bodies and minds and nothing outside of that. We've discussed what other people do, as I read about what certain members on TAM include in their sex lives, and we both decided we don't want to diminish what we have by staring down a road that requires "different, more, and/or exrteme" to be able to aroused.

Just something to think about.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

RookieNookie said:


> I'm not sure I will be able to do that but maybe eventually... Thanks


I misspoke in my earlier post. I don't mean to the back of your throat, but the back of your mouth and to the front of your throat. If he or you are trying to literally push it down your throat...THAT IS TOO FAR! Most husbands would not expect or ask their wife to do that because it would be unnatural and would hurt or make her throw up. "Deep throat" is not natural, and takes a lot of practice and work to be able to do, and you are not in a competition with a porn star or "throat acrobat."


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

So, how was your weekend?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I am sorry you are not interested in toys. No matter how much my DH goes to town with oral, nothing beats my Hitachi Magic Wand. Nothing.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

RookieNookie said:


> This question is for the women out there so guys I would appreciate if you just let the women respond...
> 
> If you've read my previous post you'll know that sex is relatively new to both my H & I. Since being married sex has been great but the one thing that hasn't happened for me is the "O". I am by nature a nervous person and it takes a lot for me to truly relax and be in the moment. So I know that is part of the issue for me... but now that we have been married a few months I'm more relaxed than I've ever been.
> 
> ...


What you said about it taking a lot for you to relax and be in the moment is EXTREMELY common with women. Women have orgasms differently than men. Women are more often mentally stimulated whereas men are visually and physically stimulated.

You get your O your own way. Likely, you will mentally focus on something that gets you there. Also, it takes women awhile to mentally prepare themselves for sex and also about 20 minutes for their bodies to prepare (from start). Men are often ready right away by visual and physical stimulation - whereas women need to be focused on being turned on for 20 minutes or more MENTALLY before they are excited enough to engage. 

As far as oral - for me - I can take it or leave it. It's *okay* but people talk about it like you're not having the best sex in the world if you aren't having oral sex. That's far, far from true. An orgasm is an orgasm, if you think about it. Some are slightly better than others, maybe, but I'd be perfectly fine not receiving oral sex. 

I like to have my partner's face next to me when I orgasm. Again, that's just me. 

As far as oral on HIM, I do what I want sexually...at all times. So, if I feel like giving my husband oral, I do. If I don't, I don't. 

I've asked my husband a LOT about what it is about oral that he likes and, according to him, he just gave me a puzzled look when I asked him if he liked going deep in my mouth...and, like *no* - it's the tongue action that makes it different and exciting. I read a lot of material about oral pleasure for men and watched some party videos demonstrated different techniques, etc. Mostly, though, I asked my husband what HE liked while I was pleasuring him. I don't have a problem swallowing - I can feel pulses when he is starting to ejaculate and I place his penis at the back of my mouth, forward of my throat, at the back of my tongue so I have the least taste and then swallow rhythmically with his ejaculate. This squeezes his penis head slightly and allows me to swallow easily - providing a slight pressure sensation on his penis. 

Also - and very importantly - I hold his penis in my hand to control how far it moves into my mouth. There is no option on this - I have to be able to control the insertion because he isn't going to be able to pay attention to how deep he is unless I do that. Holding his penis also allows me to alternately use my hand to gently stroke - which also gives me a mouth break and a chance to look at his face to watch his reactions. So, it's an alternating thing - tongue, mouth, hand, looking, touching, receiving touches from him. I think that two people work on things together to get the hang of the variations.

But, again, it's MY choice whether to do oral sex, not his. He has never forced, pouted or argued about that. So, it sounds like your partner is also respectful in that regard. 

I have talked extensively with my husband about what excites him about having sex and his response is always - "I'm excited if YOU'RE excited" about whatever we are doing. It's not the variety of acts, it's the feelings of sexual excitement that make it a mutually pleasurable experience.

FWIW, I'm not into toys or porn either. Been there, done that - and, again, for me, just for me, using toys (hubby was overseas so I thought toys were the thing to do), the vibration from toys was something I had to get un-hitched from. The non-human vibrations caused very intense orgasms and I got hooked on that style of orgasming - to the point that it interfered with me trying to orgasm without toys. That's, of course, not going to be true of everyone at all. 

It's just that, at some point, I made a decision for me, that I preferred the orgasm with my husband's groin up against me and him facing me - because, for us, we feel more connected this way. Please do understand me, though - this is just US. What others do is certainly not wrong.

Sexual activities are a journey for every couple and every individual. I would never tell someone to not try something (safe) if they felt like they wanted to - that's up to each person to explore. 

As for porn, well, that's about a 90 second thing for my husband so, yeah, we prefer not to do that. We're 28 years into our relationship and when many things were explored, we found we had a lot more fun when we were paying attention to each other. But, that's just us.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> I am sorry you are not interested in toys. No matter how much my DH goes to town with oral, nothing beats my Hitachi Magic Wand. Nothing.




Everyone freakin loves this wand! It looks so archaic compared to the newer luxury vibrates. I am tempted to try it out even though I am very happy with mine.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Everyone freakin loves this wand! It looks so archaic compared to the newer luxury vibrates. I am tempted to try it out even though I am very happy with mine.


The wand works on men as well. You don't even have to get undressed. However the heavy duty extension cord you will need can be a distraction, especially if it is all tangled and will not reach where you are in the bed. Despite that momentary setback, it will still get the job done once you move closer to the outlet.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

badsanta said:


> The wand works on men as well. You don't even have to get undressed. However the heavy duty extension cord you will need can be a distraction, especially if it is all tangled and will not reach where you are in the bed. Despite that momentary setback, it will still get the job done once you move closer to the outlet.




Just install one of these over the bed:










You’re welcome! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Just install one of these over the bed:
> 
> 
> You’re welcome!
> ...



You know, ceiling fans in master bedrooms really should have that option. Wait they do!!!










You're welcome!


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Everyone freakin loves this wand! It looks so archaic compared to the newer luxury vibrates. I am tempted to try it out even though I am very happy with mine.


This would be great except the OP said she's not interested in toys. It's like trying to convince someone who says they don't like tequila how to make the best margarita.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

happiness27 said:


> This would be great except the OP said she's not interested in toys. It's like trying to convince someone who says they don't like tequila how to make the best margarita.




I wasn’t suggesting it for her I was suggesting it for me


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> I wasn’t suggesting it for her I was suggesting it for me


Might be good for its own thread, then.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Everyone freakin loves this wand! It looks so archaic compared to the newer luxury vibrates. I am tempted to try it out even though I am very happy with mine.


I believe that it really was designed as a personal massager. It certainly does not sell itself as a vibe. I threw away all of my vibes and never looked back after I got the first one of these.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

happiness27 said:


> This would be great except the OP said she's not interested in toys. It's like trying to convince someone who says they don't like tequila how to make the best margarita.


Should the OP ever rethink her position, she can come back to this thread. I am certainly not trying to talk her into anything.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

For those of you following my thread and giving advice thanks... but the weekend never happened we had a family medical emergency. Things were touch and go for a while but things are finally turning around. We are planning the weekend for October which will be our anniversary of when we met in college... so that will be a special time as well. So we're excited again...


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Tron said:


> I concur with this.
> 
> I've heard of the diet/flavor connection as well.
> 
> ...


* 
"And that's what I like about the South!"*


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Wow I just read all the new posts... seems like there are many that use toys... I'm not really sure I understand it as it seem like if you need toys to get to the moment... doesn't it feel like you are cheating on your H in some type of way... how does it make him feel... if feels that way to me. So I can't be the only one that thinks like this? I'm still learning my sexuality which is fun and exciting and I'm content with the real thing.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

RookieNookie said:


> Wow I just read all the new posts... seems like there are many that use toys... I'm not really sure I understand it as it seem like if you need toys to get to the moment... doesn't it feel like you are cheating on your H in some type of way... how does it make him feel... if feels that way to me. So I can't be the only one that thinks like this? I'm still learning my sexuality which is fun and exciting and I'm content with the real thing.




The toys that I use are for clitoral stimulation only and I think this always made my partners feel more comfortable rather than vaginal penetration. Toys are fun to add to mix things up but shouldn’t always be used.


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## StuckInLove (Jun 6, 2017)

Toys are meant to be an enhancement, not a replacement. Have your husband use them on you. However, having said that, where you are at in exploring your sexuality, I personally would advise to hold off until you experience an O naturally. 

My advice (perhaps show this post to him) - Take a romantic bath with him, get as relaxed as you possibly can, set up a candle-lit environment in a nice warm (but not hot) bedroom with a bed with a nice fresh set of sheets, let him massage your entire body, use internally safe oils, let him kiss you from head to toe, talk to each other about how attracted and in love you are with each other, let him kiss and lick the inside of your thighs, tease you and get you so aroused to the point where you absolutely cannot wait for him to finally arrive at your V, and the first gentle kiss on your V should send shock waves through your body. As he begins to work on your V, communicate with him and let him know what you're enjoying and what isn't working for you, have him use his tongue, lips and hands on you (gently), employ the "come hither" technique (look it up if you need to) and see where you land! Works for my wife every time, she absolutely explodes into orgasm and soaks those nice clean sheets.  Just know that he's enjoying it just as much as you, isn't grossed out by your juices, and will feel absolutely incredible knowing he brought you to orgasm. He will be glowing!

Bring toys into the mix when things level out for you two. Enjoy this magical period of your relationship!


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

RookieNookie said:


> Wow I just read all the new posts... seems like there are many that use toys... I'm not really sure I understand it as it seem like if you need toys to get to the moment... doesn't it feel like you are cheating on your H in some type of way... how does it make him feel... if feels that way to me. So I can't be the only one that thinks like this? I'm still learning my sexuality which is fun and exciting and I'm content with the real thing.


I agree with you on the absence of toys. A lot of people like them but I found it to become a rabbit hole of always looking for other things for enhancement. For me, the enhancement lies in cultivating a closer relationship with my husband through our emotional connections and interactions with each other. 
In this technology driven world, there's a ton of searching for enhanced experiences - when the natural world holds many wonders we tend to, by comparison, consider too bland.


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## StuckInLove (Jun 6, 2017)

happiness27 said:


> I agree with you on the absence of toys. A lot of people like them but I found it to become a rabbit hole of always looking for other things for enhancement. For me, the enhancement lies in cultivating a closer relationship with my husband through our emotional connections and interactions with each other.
> In this technology driven world, there's a ton of searching for enhanced experiences - when the natural world holds many wonders we tend to, by comparison, consider too bland.


Completely agree. It can be fun to explore with toys especially when you've been having sex with the same person for many years, but the real benefit lies in the emotional bond with one and other. My wife and I have been playing with toys quite a lot lately, and she gets fantastic orgasms from them, but it can be habit forming. For the last several times, when I've gone down on her, she eventually asks for the vibrator. That's fine, but there's tons of value in using absolutely nothing but your bodies to reach that state, so there's got to be a balance. She says she doesn't ever use them on her own without me, but if we start using them too often, I could see that start happening when I'm unavailable, which has the potential of lowering actual real sex frequency.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

RookieNookie said:


> Wow I just read all the new posts... seems like there are many that use toys... I'm not really sure I understand it as it seem like if you need toys to get to the moment... doesn't it feel like you are cheating on your H in some type of way... how does it make him feel... if feels that way to me. So I can't be the only one that thinks like this? I'm still learning my sexuality which is fun and exciting and I'm content with the real thing.


I can tell you as a man toys do not bother me in the least, they can be a lot of fun. I will point out one thing about using a toy to get you there for the first time. Right now it seems like a huge deal and being worried about getting there can get in the way. 

Using a toy to get you over the edge will do two things. First, it gets it out of the way, meaning the mystery will be gone the hope being after that you'll be able to fully relax and enjoy and explore with your husband. Second, you will recognize what is going on with the sensations what is happening so you'll have better knowledge to help guide your husband.

My wife was similar to you back in college, she had never had an orgasm I would spend literally an hour plus going down on her and she just couldn't get there. It was messing with both our minds so I bought a simple bullet vibrator and we used that. It took about 15-20 minutes and she had an orgasm, and then another and another, she probably had 10-15 orgasms that night. After that she could get there in minutes from oral and it was a short time before she was able to orgasm regularly during intercourse. 

So sometimes getting the first few out of the way can open the flood gates, no pun intended. 

If you really want to go all natural, that is great just relax be patient and don't put any pressure on yourself or your husband, you'll get there eventually, just have fun.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

happyhusband0005 said:


> RookieNookie said:
> 
> 
> > Wow I just read all the new posts... seems like there are many that use toys... I'm not really sure I understand it as it seem like if you need toys to get to the moment... doesn't it feel like you are cheating on your H in some type of way... how does it make him feel... if feels that way to me. So I can't be the only one that thinks like this? I'm still learning my sexuality which is fun and exciting and I'm content with the real thing.
> ...


I don't consider a first orgasm something to "get out of the way." Its precious, just like virginity is precious and not a thing to get out of the way.

I found a video at one point several years ago about a woman exploring her sexuality with her husband wherein all he did was focus on gently stimulating her with his fingers. He was completely dressed and she was dressed except below the waist. The exercise was a no pressure way for her to explore only her own sensations - to get in touch with her own stimulations. These sessions led her to be able to relax and get comfortable with sex yet have her husband participate. It's called orgasmic meditation. There are a number on these educational videos on YouTube. Like, this one: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X7bCke4LyKs


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

I understand that if the physical distance between the vaginal entrance and the clitoris is more than 2.5 cm it is much harder to to get an O through PIV sex. There has to be other ways. I read this long ago but I have no link I can give you. You might want to google it. 

Women with bigger distances than 2.5 cm struggle to get Os through PIV alone.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> I understand that if the physical distance between the vaginal entrance and the clitoris is more than 2.5 cm it is much harder to to get an O through PIV sex. There has to be other ways. I read this long ago but I have no link I can give you. You might want to google it.
> 
> Women with bigger distances than 2.5 cm struggle to get Os through PIV alone.


Missionary, grinding.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

happiness27 said:


> I found a video at one point several years ago about a woman exploring her sexuality with her husband wherein all he did was focus on gently stimulating her with his fingers. He was completely dressed and she was dressed except below the waist. The exercise was a no pressure way for her to explore only her own sensations - to get in touch with her own stimulations. These sessions led her to be able to relax and get comfortable with sex yet have her husband participate. It's called orgasmic meditation. There are a number on these educational videos on YouTube. Like, this one: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X7bCke4LyKs


OM! ... OMG!!!

I remember coming across these videos a while back and in another forum on the internet www.reuniting.info there was this lady really into this topic. Turns out she was going to workshops and paying a "professional" male clinician to perform this so called gentle touch on her that was NOT her husband called a "Life Coach." 

Just google "orgasmic meditation" and you'll discover the business name and workshop locations... 

I'm fairly certain that long haul truck drivers could give you a spot on analogy of how these businesses work and already understand the etiquette. Cause they see similar billboards all over the country for similar gentle-relaxation-based touch/massage:

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

*Oral &amp; O's... Advice*



badsanta said:


> OM! ... OMG!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Wasn’t there a movie about that? Somebody help me out. 

N/m...I googled it. “Hysteria”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

I'm sure some are wondering what happened as I've been away a while but there were some ongoing family health issues that consumed us. The good news is we've had plenty of "US" time in between which has been an emotional lifesaver. To those that gave me all the pointers over the past few months thanks for all the advice, it really did make a difference to me. My "Rookie" anxieties were getting the best of me so it set my mind at ease knowing that what I was experiencing was normal and natural. When I look back I'm amazed at what I didn't understand that now seems so basic. This past 12 months have been such a whirlwind experience and all I can say is my husband is amazing and he's made sex out of this world exciting for me. 

For those that were wondering I did finally have my first "O" last month which was a surreal experience. I was debating sharing how that weekend went but I'm not sure how much I can say without getting in trouble with the forum. I now know why having an "O" is important for woman, and I must say having one lit a sexual fire inside of me. It was such an incredible euphoric moment, it's one of those experiences you want to talk about with your best friend but you can't. Hiding behind the keyboard talking in total anonymity is about as much courage as I can work up. 

My husband just smiles... he says he can't believe I'm the same person he married. I feel so Jeckle and Hyde now about sex; let's just say when the bedroom door closes I'm no longer shy or the follower. So my question is... is this an appropriate reaction once you get to that comfort zone with sex... do others feel this way and have a similar reaction? Will this last or is it just a phase I'm going through? Will this lead to anything negative I need to be aware of? Again, probably stupid questions but my nervous personality is kicking in and I don't want to do anything to mess this up.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

RookieNookie said:


> I'm sure some are wondering what happened as I've been away a while but there were some ongoing family health issues that consumed us. The good news is we've had plenty of "US" time in between which has been an emotional lifesaver. To those that gave me all the pointers over the past few months thanks for all the advice, it really did make a difference to me. My "Rookie" anxieties were getting the best of me so it set my mind at ease knowing that what I was experiencing was normal and natural. When I look back I'm amazed at what I didn't understand that now seems so basic. This past 12 months have been such a whirlwind experience and all I can say is my husband is amazing and he's made sex out of this world exciting for me.
> 
> For those that were wondering I did finally have my first "O" last month which was a surreal experience. I was debating sharing how that weekend went but I'm not sure how much I can say without getting in trouble with the forum. I now know why having an "O" is important for woman, and I must say having one lit a sexual fire inside of me. It was such an incredible euphoric moment, it's one of those experiences you want to talk about with your best friend but you can't. Hiding behind the keyboard talking in total anonymity is about as much courage as I can work up.
> 
> My husband just smiles... he says he can't believe I'm the same person he married. I feel so Jeckle and Hyde now about sex; let's just say when the bedroom door closes I'm no longer shy or the follower. So my question is... is this an appropriate reaction once you get to that comfort zone with sex... do others feel this way and have a similar reaction? Will this last or is it just a phase I'm going through? Will this lead to anything negative I need to be aware of? Again, probably stupid questions but my nervous personality is kicking in and I don't want to do anything to mess this up.


All totally normal. You’ve found your inner she beast. Let her roar! >


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