# Married to a entrepreneur



## MTH (Aug 6, 2019)

Hello, I have been married to my husband almost 10 years, no kids because we can't. 
My husband start his tech company since we got married, he have never have steady income and sometimes he makes some money and is able to pay rent or a bill here and there but I pay always must of our bills, we recently depleted our savings account to pay payroll, I was the one responsible to have some money in our saving account, i always put a little every month for a raining day.... In the past I was able to saved enough to do two IVF that unfortunately failed...Now my savings is at zero, we also used once my credit card for one of his employees hotel night fro work travel. 
This month he was able to pay for the rent, but he can't do that every month. We shared one car that I own and paid. I recently ask him to drive for Uber to make some more to help with other bills and his response was that the is getting some contracts soon and that will make enough money, but the reality is that I do not know how long the money from those contracts will last, they have not even sign the contracts yet!! I worked at a job that I hate just because they pay me well. I also pay for both our health insurances, our electricity bill have been cut off many times when he was supposed to pay but he could not. I am a foreigner, I left my family, friends and career in my country because i want to be with him, but since the beginning our marriage have been extremely difficult, i did not have a wedding at all like i always dream because we use all our money for immigration lawyer, he told me that we where going to have a small reception with family and some friends soon but that never happened, we got married on a Thursday at a court house, no wedding dress, no bridesmaid, no honey moon. I'ts been ten years now... not much have changed, he works very hard for his company, day and night always working, many people have invested including all my brothers because they believe in what he have could be very big, but it has not yet, i do not wish for money, big house or vacations all the time, i want security that our bills are paid, security that our electricity will not be cut off, a second car for **** sake! this have affect our sex life because all i think when i see him is how much i expect from him and how disappointed i am. We can't even have kids!! well, I can but not with him.... I will love to adopt but he says no because he is scared he can't love some one else child blah blah blah. I told him list night I want to leave him, I know I will be ok financially but he is screwed, he needs me to pay for all the **** so he can work in is busy job that generates nothing, by the way he will not leave his job to be some one employee, i know the man, he will never do that and that is fine but i can't do this any more, his business is going to ruin our marriage, i feel like been taken advantage off, not appreciated, lie to and like i wasted many years and the opportunity to become a mother. He have a lot of good qualities but honestly all this **** is getting much heavier than the good.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

His business is not going to ruin your marriage, it already has ruined it.

Do you have any insight into his business? Are you 100% sure that he is not making much money?

I was married to a man who did about the same thing. He ruined us financially. This was not the only problem in our marriage, but it was the one ended up as the last straw. 

From what you have said here, you are completely justified in leaving your husband. 

Have you seen an attorney yet? Do you know the divorce laws where you live?


----------



## MTH (Aug 6, 2019)

I know his finances and the company fiances, there is always barely enough for payroll. I live in Texas, I do not know the law here and I have not seen a lawyer. I feel like such a failure.... wish to disappear.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MTH said:


> I know his finances and the company fiances, there is always barely enough for payroll. I live in Texas, I do not know the law here and I have not seen a lawyer. I feel like such a failure.... wish to disappear.


Your bad feelings about yourself is the first thing you need to deal with. You are not a failure. You have struck through this for 10 years and have done all you can to give support, financially and emotionally, to the man you married. That's something to be proud of.

He is the one who should feel like a failure. He's taking advantage of you. He's the one who will not even meet your half way on your needs for financial security and having children. I'm guessing that there are other areas in which he is not meeting your needs.

How much does he do around the house? Does he take responsibility for about 50% of all household chores?

If you want to get a good foundation about what it is reasonable for you to expect from you husband, there are two books that would help: "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs".

What your husband is doing is called a "love buster" in those books. It's called that because over time, doing negative things will bust (or destroy) your love for him. Your reaction to this is 100% normal.


----------



## MTH (Aug 6, 2019)

He does take care of some chores, makes breakfast almost every day, and when he have time clean around the house, i do not have complains about that area. Thank you for the books suggestion, I will look for them on amazon and order them, i appreciate the suggestion. I can't talk about this with friends or family, i always find easier to share the must difficult things with strangers...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Here is a site that has some info about Texas divorce laws*

*Here's a self-help site for divorce in Texas*

Basically it's pretty straight forward. You file, split all assets and liabilities 50/50.

In Texas, alimony can kick in if the marriage has been 10 years or more. But it sounds like neither of you really make enough or have enough in assets to make alimony.

It sounds like your situation is pretty simple. A no-fault divorce, no assets to split, he keeps his company, you keep your car, no children, no alimony. 

When I divorced in 2012, l was able to do the whole thing myself. We were basically in the same situation you are in. My divorce cost me a total of $134.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MTH said:


> He does take care of some chores, makes breakfast almost every day, and when he have time clean around the house, i do not have complains about that area. Thank you for the books suggestion, I will look for them on amazon and order them, i appreciate the suggestion. I can't talk about this with friends or family, i always find easier to share the must difficult things with strangers...


Many people don't want to bring friends and family into their personal problems. That's why this site has been so successful. We are here to help.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have family there where you live? Or are they all out of the US?


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I'm getting the sense that there's not a strong or deep love connection in your marriage. It seems your goal in marriage might be more about things like financial security and being a parent. I'm sure you love each other, but that kind of love may be less important than these other things you said you want. If you felt like he deeply loved you then at least you would feel good about that, but I'm not sure that's the case. Unfortunately, it sounds more like you are the parent to an irresponsible child. A responsible adult should strive to provide for himself. At some point he should realize he needs to find some other way to make a living.

I think it would help your self confidence to understand what would happen in a divorce. There are services which offer free legal advice and many lawyers will offer a free initial consultation. Texas is a divorce-friendly state. Likely, you would just split and there would not be alimony. No kids makes it even easier and cheaper. 

I'm sure you feel bad about him and his business, but he's an adult and is capable of supporting himself. If he wants to continue with his tech business dream, that's his right, but he needs to work through the failures. You bailing him out just allows him to stay irresponsible. Make him stand on his own feet and figure out how to be successful.


----------



## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your situation.

It seems sad that the day to day worries from the financial struggles have worn down your relationship and rightly so.

After 10 years, your husband is not an entrepreneur - he is engaging in a hobby at this point.

As mentioned above, unless he is realistic and faces his situation and takes real action to turns things around, he will never really change.

Good luck.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I am an accountant, and I have seen this destroy marriages in the past. He is clinging to hopium. He hopes the business can float you however, it has given little evidence of its ability to do so. So, you hand over living money to float a business that is likely going to take both of you down with it. Better he forgets the pipe dream and gets a regular job. Given that he is a techie, that should present little problem. His problem is that his wants are bigger than the business' ability. Pure and simple, if the wolf is at the door, hanging your hat on a pipe-dream will do nothing to feed the wolf. Try to let him down easy, but if I were you, I would make an appointment with whatever financial professional you are using (please tell me you are using a pro). In that meeting it can be pointed out that the business is failing to meet your obligations, and you will only get deeper into the hole you are digging by waiting for profitability to magically appear. He will likely be resistant, as being your own boss is a dream that many fall prey to, however, you could be facing massive consequences by living with the inadequacies of this business.


----------

