# The Pursuit of Peace After the EA (Who Knows What Else)



## Badsmit (Dec 29, 2011)

So I have been on here a while. I have offered advice and have used others situation to gain insight into my own (Keep you head up Bandit 45, your post are helping me get ready for the next chapter of my life). So I guess it’s my turn. I informed my wife I want to separate. Where did we go wrong where do I begin… I got her pregnant when she was a sophomore in college (I was a senior as I graduated from high school at went to college at the ripe old mature age of 16). I moved her with me to my new job and that’s when the proverbial sh** hit the fan. I know (We were too young to be this serious) we fought like cats and dogs about everything and yes other people became an issue in our relationship. Let’s just say she was getting an earful from one of her exs. I became so insecure I could not understand why she would need another man who had clear romantic feelings for her in her life.. Big red flag we separated many times and she moved home quite a bit. Her best friend and her ex are cousins. I could not figure out how he knew she would be home EVERY time she went or we went to her hometown. There were others and yes they called our home and her mother’s home. Long story short this caused me to doubt and question if I was the father of my middle child. I treated and treat her the same as my others and NO my daughter does not know about this. We recently had a paternity test and yes I am the father. As you can imagine this questioning of the paternity caused a BIG fight and hard feelings. I don’t want to list but there were at least 7 major situations that caused me to question my wife’s fidelity. I will continue in later post, What I am hoping to get is support and insight when I feel week and confused through this separation process. More to come........................


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Sounds like you're going through a lot. Writing about it will help you get perspective and process it. 

How long have you guys been together? Your W seems to have terrible coping skills. From what I've read so far, a separation sounds like a good idea, so you can figure things out. Definitely get paternity tests on all your kids and make arrangements to have time with them, too. They'll need some stability in their lives and it looks like you were the one providing it.

Hang in there!


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## Badsmit (Dec 29, 2011)

@ Moxy a little over 13 years, 
To understand me you have to know a little about my past/childhood. I’m an ambitious person. The reasons are simple. My father left the family when I was too young to remember and my mother is illiterate. To say I grew up poor and had a lot of time to plan my life is an understatement. I took the view that I would be a great provider and wanted to have the family I was denied as a child. I excel at a lot of things (except marriage apparently) because I plan and go the extra mile. Now when I say I ‘m ambitious I do not project that onto my wife …meaning I just needed her to love me and be patient while I built a life for us. I would say about a year and a half in when we had to move for my job we began to fight. There were a lot a reasons she was 19 and scared (new child with medical issues on the way). She did not know how to make friends and I did not make that much money about 40K a year.. Our families are poor and could (Did) not support us. She wanted me to quite that job and move home next to her family. Stated “ we could be on public assistance” as the response to my question of who and how would I provide for my family. The area we are from is extremely economically challenged. . I grew up on public assistance (NOT FOR MY CHILDREN) and had the job and talent to grow. Needless to say she left me (while pregnant with my child) and moved home. I was devastated and missed the birth of my first child and her mother named my daughter. 
I realize she was young but this is where the first major issue began. The my ex is just a friend and I don’t want about him and he is not trying to get with me… “ I did not know at the time he had asked her to marry him and she turned him down because he was a high school dropout. On night when her sister was fighting her boy friend she called me upset and said she was driving down to help her sister. I did not want the 96 pound mother of my child and person I love to drive over a hour and a half at night in rural southern USA. So I told her to get a friend to ride with her. I specifically told her to ask him as I wanted a male to be with her if she had auto trouble or for whatever. Remember I was under the impression he was just a friend and they did not want each other. OH the Car she was in I bought her ….. More to come 

I am laying out my story because I know I am going to need support and I respect the opinions express on this site but I don’t want opinions that are developed using rectal engineering or people talking out of there assss.
Found my new place today…… baby steps


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