# Husband watches transsexual porn



## knd2020

Hi everyone, 

I am in need of help. I’ve been with my husband for a little over 6 years. During my first pregnancy in 2016, I found that he was addicted to porn. I found mostly him chatting with transsexual people and watching transsexual porn. We talked about his addiction to porn and he told me he’d tone it down, which he did. I asked about the transsexual porn And if he was bi or gay but he didn’t say much just that it just happened to be one of the things he watched.... Around 7 months of pregnancy, I found out that he was about to leave me and was starting a relationship with his female co worker and was going to move out. We again talked about it, he told me they had exchanged pictures but nothing physically sexual had happened. It took a lot of realization of him to know what he was doing was wrong. Although he kept working at the same place, he ended cutting relationship ties With the female and maintained a professional relationship. Fast Forward to 2020.....at the beginning of the year I asked to use his phone to look up something since mine was dead....I noticed he had downloaded the grindr app. Of course I got upset but I asked him what this was about right then and there, he said that he was curious as to who is on the app. I didn’t buy it for one second. But I once again went against my instincts and ignored it and kept it moving. A few days ago i went to go get breakfast and came back and he busted out the bedroom. When he acts strange like that I know something is up. He didn’t have time to Close the web pages or porn and apparently forgot about it. We finished eating breakfast and he jumped right into the shower. Me being curious what he was hiding I checked his phone. He had about 10 webpages of selected transsexual videos that he had watched. I’m wanting to get a view from a mans Or transsexual persons perspective as to what might be happening? If he might be bisexual or if he might be gay. I have absolutely no problem if he comes out as gay to me. I am absolutely not one to judge or make him feel bad about what he is, but as a woman and mother I need to also look out for myself. I have emotions and needs too. It’s not fair to me to be neglected because my husband would rather be with a man. I’d rather he be straightforward with me so we can amicably separate and move on so we each can be happy. Any advice, feedback, or stories is certainly welcome. Thank you.


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## jlg07

So, just a few thoughts. It MAY be that he has watched SO MUCH porn that he is watching more extreme stuff to feed that same "high". However, with that app, it really does sound like he is bi (does he enjoy sex with you??) or gay.
@notmyjamie may be able to help here....

Another point -- if he is already cheating on you (that "co-worker"), and has done NOTHING to help you get over that, what exactly are YOU getting from this relationship?


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## Girl_power

The porn is the least of your problems. The lying, cheating and deceiving are the problems. Oh and the fact that he is actively looking for someone else.


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## EleGirl

knd2020 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> Around 7 months of pregnancy, I found out that he was about to leave me and was starting a relationship with his female co worker and was going to move out. We again talked about it, he told me they had exchanged pictures but nothing physically sexual had happened. It took a lot of realization of him to know what he was doing was wrong. Although he kept working at the same place, he ended cutting relationship ties With the female and maintained a professional relationship.


Do you realize that it's highly unlikely that nothing sexual happened between them? There is almost zero chance that a man would leave his wife and child to go live with a woman he was not already sexually involved with.

Have you done any further snooping to see what he's up to? Very often when a cheater is found out, they just take the affair underground.

What does he do on weekends and before/after work? Does he just stay home all this time? Or does he ever go out on his own?

I really feel badly for you. This guy is putting your through some very confusing mind trips.


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## notmyjamie

I’m not sure how much I can help. My exH was never into porn, that I know of anyway. I did catch him on a hookup site though.

I think in light of his previous affair, questionable porn preference, and now finding him on Grinder, I’d drop him in a hot minute.

Has he explained his porn preference? I’ve yet to meet a straight man who wants to watch transgender porn. There is nothing wrong with it unless you’re a guy trying to hide your real preferences. As I said to my ex, “straight men don’t do that.”

I’d suggest you visit the forums on straightspouse.org for more help. I’m happy answer any specific questions you might have though. Many here know I divorced my husband last year because he is gay. He was in deep denial. Unlike many on straightspouse though, I am not bitter or angry. I will always love him and want the best for him. But I couldn’t stay married to him any longer. Just celebrated one year with my boyfriend...had an awesome weekend away together. Life is amazingly good. There is life after a bad marriage!!!!


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## Violet28

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.


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## sunsetmist

He is not 'all in' for marriage with you--no matter the cause. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?


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## Mr.Married

I’m a full on red blooded man. I watch porn. I love women. I love t!ts, but not when they are connected to something with a d!ck......never.

I guess that grinder thing is the gay version of tinder? I’m out the loop on any of that stuff but if it is I think you have big problems.

Hell I didn’t even get to they part about the chick at work yet 🤦🏻‍♂️


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## ScottL

Like someone else here said that you probably have issues bigger than just pornography.
The thing is that we do not know why he is doing it. But many people turn to pornography out of feeling they need some excitement, or they are not being satisfied in some way.
And as the fantasies grow other things may start to happen like looking for something outside the marriage.

I think he wants to do the right things but is also wanting to have his fun. It is hard to get someone to understand that there are consequences to everything we do. 
It sounds like you care and want to do the right thing too. Make sure he knows this. Sometimes it is just being bi-curious. 

I know these can be difficult discussions but they are ones you need to have. 

Often in marriages, people go to their corners and just let things slide until they get too bad to repair.
If you do decide to have the discussions, he needs to feel safe and that you truly care and want to find the right solution for both of you.

If you look for help with this, make sure you find someone that does not have a strong opinion about the right way to deal with it. Every situation is different.

As a heterosexual man, I have looked at gay porn and other types of porn. I came to the realization that it was just an outlet for me to feel something different.
When I realized that working on myself was what I needed the desire to look at porn diminished. We in the US have so many sexual hangups it is crazy. And we have so many rules around it.

Yes, men are usually more visually stimulated than women. 
So get some good guidance, and if so inclined work on yourself. He will see what you are doing and he might join you.


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## Maurice L

knd2020 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I am in need of help. I’ve been with my husband for a little over 6 years. During my first pregnancy in 2016, I found that he was addicted to porn. I found mostly him chatting with transsexual people and watching transsexual porn. We talked about his addiction to porn and he told me he’d tone it down, which he did. I asked about the transsexual porn And if he was bi or gay but he didn’t say much just that it just happened to be one of the things he watched.... Around 7 months of pregnancy, I found out that he was about to leave me and was starting a relationship with his female co worker and was going to move out. We again talked about it, he told me they had exchanged pictures but nothing physically sexual had happened. It took a lot of realization of him to know what he was doing was wrong. Although he kept working at the same place, he ended cutting relationship ties With the female and maintained a professional relationship. Fast Forward to 2020.....at the beginning of the year I asked to use his phone to look up something since mine was dead....I noticed he had downloaded the grindr app. Of course I got upset but I asked him what this was about right then and there, he said that he was curious as to who is on the app. I didn’t buy it for one second. But I once again went against my instincts and ignored it and kept it moving. A few days ago i went to go get breakfast and came back and he busted out the bedroom. When he acts strange like that I know something is up. He didn’t have time to Close the web pages or porn and apparently forgot about it. We finished eating breakfast and he jumped right into the shower. Me being curious what he was hiding I checked his phone. He had about 10 webpages of selected transsexual videos that he had watched. I’m wanting to get a view from a mans Or transsexual persons perspective as to what might be happening? If he might be bisexual or if he might be gay. I have absolutely no problem if he comes out as gay to me. I am absolutely not one to judge or make him feel bad about what he is, but as a woman and mother I need to also look out for myself. I have emotions and needs too. It’s not fair to me to be neglected because my husband would rather be with a man. I’d rather he be straightforward with me so we can amicably separate and move on so we each can be happy. Any advice, feedback, or stories is certainly welcome. Thank you.


its really not that uncommon, it may just be a curious interest to some men. Women also watch lesbian action but never indulge. .And I certain gay folks peep at straight sex sometimes.


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## Impulse

knd2020 said:


> Fast Forward to 2020.....


Sorry to hear about the troubles..


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