# Wife is always complaining about her weight



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I assure her she looks great. She is 5'8 and goes back and forth between 130 and 140 pounds. Her body honestly is better after having two kids. She constantly asking me if I still find her body attractive. She needs constant reassurance.
After listening to this all the time my patience is wearing thin. I know what I need to do if I put on weight. I don't sulk about it....I go downstairs on the treadmill or head to the gym. We both have memberships. I have suggested since SHE is unhappy with her apprearance we can go the gym together. She has yet to take me up on it. She would rather sulk and moan about it. This may sound insensitive but this goes on almost everyday. What else can I do to help? If this was a guy friend I would tell him to quit b*tching and start eating right and workout. Not sure how well that would go over with my wife.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since you say that she looks good as she is, this this not about her weight.

Your wife had lost a lot of self esteem for some reason. She's expressing this loss and the bad feeling about herself by complaining about her weight. You need to look elsewhere to figure out how to help her through this.

Stop telling her to work out, etc.

Maybe she just needs reassurance that you love her and find her beautiful.. when she starts to complain.. try giving her a hug, hold her for a while if you can. Kiss. Tell her that you love her, etc. See how she responds to that.

Is she a SAHM? Is she isolated from people?

How many hours a week to do two spend together, doing date-like things together, just the two of you?


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

She a full time nurse and I work the graveyard shift. We schedule our lives around one of us being home to watch the boys. Its hard to schedule a lot of date nights but we always put the boys down at 7 and spend together til 11 when I have to go to work. 
I am very flirtaous with my wife, very affectionate. She is not like that at all. Over the last couple of years our sex life has been really good. But her self esteem has taken a hit after having kids. She has talked about getting a boob job the last few years since she is not happy with her breasts since having the kids. I figured it was just a phase but she hasn't let up. This january or February she will be getting them done. I doubt that this will help but I support her decision. I wish their was a way to get more date nights in. But we have zero support from family and our baby sitter we have once a week is not available all that much.
Wouldn't going to the gym together be considered spending time together?


----------



## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

With just the information you have given us here, it does seem like a body image issue and she hasn't share to you how she feels about her self esteem and it's effect on her. Indeed, the pragmatic advice often given by husbands is not what the wife struggling with an emotional issue needs. You need to talk deeply about what makes her feel so bad about her body. She would be doing the boob job for her and not for anyone else, but if she felt secure in who she was, and you as her closest friend and person made her truly believe that, she would probably not have to pursue cosmetic surgery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My wife had a eating disorder when she was a teenager. I never saw any signs while we were dating. I think after having kids back to back she had feelings that came back. She was in IC for this and other issues for six months. I believe she should go back. But my wife is very stubborn. 
She assures me she wants the boob job for her. Again she has been talking about this for 2 plus years. I asked her to do as much research she can about the before making a decision....pros and cons. I support her either way.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

richie33 said:


> Its hard to schedule a lot of date nights but we always put the boys down at 7 and spend together til 11 when I have to go to work.


What do you do together from 7 to 11?




richie33 said:


> Wouldn't going to the gym together be considered spending time together?


If you two are working out together and helping/supporting each other, it counts. If you are both just doing you own thing.. no it does not count.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

richie33 said:


> My wife had a eating disorder when she was a teenager. I never saw any signs while we were dating. I think after having kids back to back she had feelings that came back. She was in IC for this and other issues for six months. I believe she should go back. But my wife is very stubborn.
> She assures me she wants the boob job for her. Again she has been talking about this for 2 plus years. I asked her to do as much research she can about the before making a decision....pros and cons. I support her either way.


Maybe this one thing will make difference to her. Guess you'll have to wait to see.

But I have a feeling that while a boob job might help some, there is more going on.


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What do you do together from 7 to 11?
> 
> We spend the time discuss the days events, children, us. We may watch tv together. We are intimate.
> 
> ...


no, I plan on working out together.


----------



## being the best me (Apr 25, 2011)

Why don't you try and do activities that are physical and fun so you can kill a few birds with one stone, exercise, quality time and bonding.


----------



## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

I doubt the breast augmentation will solve her problems. I agree with the first poster to your OP; clearly there's more to this than her weight. 

I remember when I used to complain about my weight. I was and um, am still much heavier than your wife. Compared to her, I'm a porker! LOL. Yet when I was heavier I also complained about my weight and felt fat, and looked fat but was attempting to communicate something else to my DH. He also would say to just go to the gym, watch what I eat, and so forth but that isn't what I needed from him. 

Maybe I'm just reading into something that isn't there, but I'm wondering if your wife is hesitant of losing the weight or keeping her weight on track because she doesn't know how you'll really respond with any changes.


----------



## being the best me (Apr 25, 2011)

I also didn't realize her hieght when you posted, if she is big boned like my wife then she is probably nit-picking her weight. Instead of trying to make it to the gym why don't you both try doing brisk walking. That is the best way to burn belly fat, you should walk fast enough that it's dificult to hold a conversation and not any faster because you will start to burnt muscle. try and shoot for an half hour to an hour.


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I am going to work on being more sensitive. I saw how easy it was her to lose the baby weight by just dieting and using the treadmill. I figure by telling her just to do that routine again she would see my point. But many of you are right....it's not what she wants to hear.


----------



## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

That means it's something else going on. The weight is the cover for what she's really trying to communicate. I think this started much earlier than you might think, richie. Possibly just after she had the first child. Maybe think of what was going on around that time? Perhaps having multiple pregnancies and the way it affected her body has just caused her to feel even more strongly about whatever it is that she feels.


----------



## Karenwalker (Nov 13, 2013)

If she has a history of an eating disorder then she needs more than six months of counseling. 
Her weight isn't the issue, its her mind. I doubt a boob job is going to help. Then she's going to want a tummy tuck and lipo, and then botox, and then this and that.
I'm sorry, but she needs help with her eating disorder/body image disorder.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

reesespieces said:


> That means it's something else going on. *The weight is the cover for what she's really trying to communicate.* I think this started much earlier than you might think, richie. Possibly just after she had the first child. Maybe think of what was going on around that time? Perhaps having multiple pregnancies and the way it affected her body has just caused her to feel even more strongly about whatever it is that she feels.


I would agree. In my 30s, when I weighed 140 and was 5'5", my waist was 25" and hips 38". (and I have small boobies, so not much weight hidden there) Your wife is 3 inches taller, how much thinner does she want to be.

It's too bad that she is not here. As a woman I could tell her, don't ruin a good marriage by hassling your husband over issues that don't matter to him/


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

She's a nurse? I've seen a woman come in with cellulitus all over her trunk (front and back) from a boob job (not pretty nor fun...). Thankfully, she lived.

Please show your wife this 48 reasons not to get a boob job. -


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I will show her. All walks of life get plastic surgery.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)




----------



## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

NextTimeAround said:


> I would agree. In my 30s, when I weighed 140 and was 5'5", my waist was 25" and hips 38". (and I have small boobies, so not much weight hidden there) Your wife is 3 inches taller, how much thinner does she want to be.
> 
> It's too bad that she is not here. As a woman I could tell her, don't ruin a good marriage by hassling your husband over issues that don't matter to him/


Totally off topic but I am SO jellis of your figure. End sidenote 

I do agree. I mean, she's in a marriage where her husband's hot for her and she wants a boob job. From what I know about people who've had plastic surgery IRL, no amount solves their issues. Had a friend who got her ears clipped back because she was self-conscious about them even though her ears were NOT the thing her husband cared to look at! Then after that she complained about her boobs being too small. Thankfully she had a couple of kids and was able to appreciate her body for what it was worth. Most people don't change their thinking like that. 

I would stop looking at her reasons to get a boob job and look at the when, what, and how behind her comments regarding her weight. Context is key in these conversations.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

reesespieces said:


> Totally off topic but I am SO jellis of your figure. End sidenote
> 
> I do agree. I mean, she's in a marriage where her husband's hot for her and she wants a boob job. From what I know about people who've had plastic surgery IRL, no amount solves their issues. Had a friend who got her ears clipped back because she was self-conscious about them even though her ears were NOT the thing her husband cared to look at! Then after that she complained about her boobs being too small. Thankfully she had a couple of kids and was able to appreciate her body for what it was worth. Most people don't change their thinking like that.
> 
> I would stop looking at her reasons to get a boob job and look at the when, what, and how behind her comments regarding her weight. Context is key in these conversations.


Thanks for the compliment but that was in my 30s. I'm bigger now.... but thanks to an hour glass shape, for some, like my fiance, it still looks good.


----------



## bilbo99 (Feb 16, 2011)

I know this doesn't help but, 5'8" and 130 is NOT overweight. I agree that there is some other issue.


----------

