# Pushed too far..



## GoingNowhere (Nov 13, 2011)

I have cried far too long, 3 years he has put me through this!

Nothing ever got better, it worsened.. he not only continued to cheat, but it went from emotional to physical.. From one woman to many PEOPLE. His acting got better. He lies so well, sick and twisted lies, he looked me in the eyes and it was so easy for him.

I love him, I hate him. 

He has stolen from me, all this time.. I loved him honestly, whole heartedly... 

How come he can rest at night, while I lie awake? How can he laugh and joke with people, while I can't? 

I want to be alone, just left alone, I feel suffocated. But at the same time I want him near me. What has he done to me, why? I am so sick of this roller coaster of emotions but I don't know how to stop it.

And.. I am jealous.. 

I'm scared of men, scared of sex.. But I want to feel what he felt. I want to feel that rush.. HE gave me that rush, even while I was grasping onto whatever I could to save "us".. I defended him, I was still crazy inlove with him. I contemplate an affair of my own.. But I am far too insecure. Two wrongs don't make a right. I can't imagine being with another man.. The thought of it alone makes me ill. Because my heart still belongs to him.

Why does he get all those things, and all I get is crazy?

I don't feel the same about him. I know I don't.... But I still can't walk away. 


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

You need to talk to someone about your feelings. I've been there and done that. The sad truth if the matter is, if you stay with him, you allow him to keep hurting you!

You don't deserve that. You need to love yourself and realize there are so many kind, loving people in this world who would love to love you, respect you and commit to you.

I am sorry for the pain you feel... I know it isn't easy, and it hurts like hell... 
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## GoingNowhere (Nov 13, 2011)

We stepped into this marriage together, I didn't get a say in what he's done to us. We brought a child into this world together, she didn't get a say!

I don't want to see him move on. I am so broken, I feel I could never move on. I don't want a part time child. I want the world he promised me.
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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I understand that you feel that way, but sometimes really loving someone means to let go. I mean you loving YOU, not him. It doesn't sound like he deserves your love. You deserve your love. You will never hurt and betray you the way he did.

You get a say so NOW. You get to chose whether to keep hurting, or to move on. You get a say so in the impression of what women, men and marriage is supposed to look like to your daughter.

I don't think he will give you that fantasy he promised you... If I were you I would start some counseling to begin healing yourself and understanding why this happened.
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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

You are obviously co-dependent and this is causing you to enable his cheating, You can't fix him but you can fix you by getting IC (or at least self help books) focusing on your co-dependency. Once you have dealt with that then you will be better prepared to deal with him.

He uses you to cheat by having you be his safety net. Married men are more secure and are not afraid of rejection like single men because they have a W at home to boost their ego and be an emotional crutch.

3 years from now (if you were to D today) you will feel a million times better and actually happy you got rid of him. Your only real regret will be not doing it sooner. I have NEVER read a story of someone divorcing a cheater then regretting it later.


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## FormerlyCareFree (Nov 25, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your pain.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

My ex husband put me through almost exactly what you are going through now. It took me 15 years to get the strength up to leave him. I was very co-dependent on him (I still struggle with c-dependency today but I'm doing better than before) My divorce was almost 6 months ago. I do not regret it one bit. To have that pressure of being married to him lifted from me was an incredible feeling. And immediately, my life began to improve. I was able to control myself rather than being controlled by him.


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