# Need advice. only from men. please.



## tilting (Jul 19, 2013)

Late 30s guy. Married with 2 kids. 8 and 2.
Wife is a homemaker. I pull in decent money. Not rich but comfortable.
Wife has a ****ty relationship with my mother and brother who live in another cojntry and visit once every 2-3 years.
She does not feel the need to do anything special for me. Anything and everything is more important than satisfying me physically.
She manages the house reasonably well. Is not demanding about money or things.
She is an EXCELLENT EXCELLENT mother to our children.

I am not a good person. I would like to have the dirtiest kinkiest sex everyday. I am not an honorable honest person and on multiple occasions have sought 'sensual massages' when i travel. I have not had an EA or a PA so far but do not put outside the realm of possibility in the future.

I am miserable. I am still very attracted to my wife. I do not have any desire to fix this now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what's your question?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Exactly....why are you telling us this? 

You must have a question on your mind...?


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## tilting (Jul 19, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> Exactly....why are you telling us this?
> 
> You must have a question on your mind...?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tilting (Jul 19, 2013)

sorry peeps. I am not very coherent most of the time but somedays the frustration really pushes me over the edge.

I guess my questions are as follows:
1. Should i end this relationship just because the sex isnt up to what i want it to be. I really dont want to turn the lives of two kids upside down. And the reason i shared info about my indiscretions is because at some level i feel it is celestial payback / karma.
2. I am more inclined to leave when kids grow up but settling for less than what i want feels so much lkke defeat. Do u guys think this route is still better?
3. Are people able to find compatible partners later in life or do tjey have to make even more compromises? Replacing one compromise with another is certainly not someghing i'd want to do.

As i reread my own entries i can clearly see a weak person behind it and i hate myself for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

1. Should i end this relationship just because the sex isnt up to what i want it to be. 

*No, try to fix it*

I really dont want to turn the lives of two kids upside down. 

*Then try to fix it*

2. I am more inclined to leave when kids grow up but settling for less than what i want feels so much lkke defeat. Do u guys think this route is still better?

*If you are going to stay any way then try to fix it*

3. Are people able to find compatible partners later in life 

*Yes*

or do tjey have to make even more compromises? 

*Its a choice *

In short, you will get more help here if you explain what you have done to try to fix it and why you say you don't want to.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

tilting said:


> sorry peeps. I am not very coherent most of the time but somedays the frustration really pushes me over the edge.
> 
> I guess my questions are as follows:
> 1. Should i end this relationship just because the sex isnt up to what i want it to be. I really dont want to turn the lives of two kids upside down. And the reason i shared info about my indiscretions is because at some level i feel it is celestial payback / karma.


Wow, that's a lot about yourself and nothing about her. You want "wild kinky sex" every day - and it's probably all about what you want done to you. Did you think that she "owes" you this, or are you thinking this is what she wants, too? And if she's not doing it all the time like you want it, have you considered the notion that you should try catering to her wants 1/2 the time and her catering to yours 1/2 the time? 



> 2. I am more inclined to leave when kids grow up but settling for less than what i want feels so much lkke defeat. Do u guys think this route is still better?


What makes you think that in 18 years you're going to be even remotely the person you are now? I know I wasn't the same person at 20, 30,40, and 50, not by a long shot. 

What makes you think she's going to put up with you obsessing over getting a list of sex acts and yet doing nothing to make her happy? 



> 3. Are people able to find compatible partners later in life or do tjey have to make even more compromises? Replacing one compromise with another is certainly not someghing i'd want to do.


Compatibility has far more to do with being engaged in having a relationship than it does with having the same sexual checklist. When you're 60 and alone, the sex will have mattered not the slightest, but your failed relationships will matter more than anything else on earth. 



> As i reread my own entries i can clearly see a weak person behind it and i hate myself for it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't see weakness... I see a lack of awareness. 

Spend some time reading up on what a GOOD relationship is. And, get a handle on why you're obsessed with kinky sex acts, rather than having a great relationship.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Let me ask, did she satisfy you physically before, or she never did?

Are you hooked into porn? How do you get your "rocks" off if she isn't putting out? 

Do you love her?


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

Alpha said:


> Let me ask,..........
> 
> Are you hooked into porn?


What I was thinking.:lol: Seems some people want a wife who can do it all, and shag in the sack like a porn star.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

tilting said:


> She does not feel the need to do anything special for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hate to say this, but NOBODY is going to "feel the need to satisfy you physically". At least not anyone this side of obsessed. I_ like_ satisfying my wife, and she _likes_ returning the favor - this is mutual - but not all the time. Sometimes one of us isn't into it.

Sex is mutual. It must be for both of you and the satisfaction has also got to be mutual. If you want a robot or a slave, it isn't going to be your wife and mother of your children.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

tilting said:


> and on multiple occasions have sought 'sensual massages' when i travel. I have not had an EA or a PA so far but do not put outside the realm of possibility in the future.


What are these "sensual massages"? Does it involve an orgasm for you?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm... My thoughts...

Unless you figure out what's driving you, leaving your wife will simply be doing a change of address on your unhappiness. It will follow you around. Because the source of it isn't your wife, it's inside you.

So my advice... Get into individual counselling before you do anything else. And knock off the "sensual massages" 

C


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> What are these "sensual massages"? Does it involve an orgasm for you?


What, you've never had a sensual massage before?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Alpha said:


> What, you've never had a sensual massage before?


I have. Just wanted to make sure if he was referring to "happy endings" or not...


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

There's no point of a sensual massage without a happy ending. In theory I think they are a total waste since I have hands and can do the same thing....

OP - to your question I will just say this. If your wife has never given you the kinky sex that you desire and she's been given ample direction by you of how you like it, then be prepared to face the fact that you will never get what you need out of her.

People are asking about porn but I don't think it matters at this point. You want what you want and if you aren't ever going to get it you have a choice to make. People rarely EVER change their kinks. It's wiring. And if your spouse is vanilla you will never get it from them. So choose if you can live that way forever or not.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

If he's getting happy endings from the massage then wouldn't that be a PA?


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Maybe its just me and my wife,but my wife said if she no longer could give me sex she would rather I see hookers then divorce her.I guess Ukrainians and Russians are a little different when it comes to these things.


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## tilting (Jul 19, 2013)

I do not think that i act or feel entitled.

She gets a life that is comfortable, endearing hugs and kisses, support and soothing words when she is feeling down. I dont bug her for sex too much. Comfortable life. Vacations. Little things lime telling her when her favorite stuff is on sale. I help around the house. I do point out when things arent tje way they are supposed to be but try to provide solutions not just criticize.. She gets massages and foot rubs. Head rubs when she has a headache. Complete freedom from having to worry about money. Not too many gifts though. I stopped those when i figured its hard for her to like stuff i choose. Those things would often have to be returned. In sex i try to get her to the big O before i do and succeed 80% of the time. Earlier in marriage i could make her cum multiple times but now she feels 'done' with one.
I dont get bjs or handjobs. Sex when it happens is hurried. She will always complain about how sex will eat into her sleeping time and yet will stay up till midnight watching a chick flick. 
She is not a bad person , but does not love me anymore.

If in the middle of the sex i ask for a short bj she will immediately get curt and refuse implying that i should be thankful with what i get. By the way hygiene is not an issue. I shower daily, am circumcised and keep my privates as clean as possible. Getting back to the point of her refusal - once she will coldly and curtly refuse something during sex, i take it as rejection and things immediately go downhill. There have been njmerous times when she will say something nasty like ' ok now why dont you get pissed and turn over and go to sleep'. 
At that moment i marshall every ounce of patience and swallow rage which may push a more alpha male in a violent temper.

Someone mentioned porn. I do watch porn. The stuff that i like most are those grainy awkward videos of amateur couples making love ( not the pornstars pretending to be amateurs but real 45 year olds with flabby bodies who make their own sextapes - porn watchers will know what i am talking about.

This is the bottomline. I am 37 and i feel like i have never been loved by a woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tilting (Jul 19, 2013)

i wont leave her... and i dont think she will leave me either. But if we separate when kids are grown up and i am sixty or something then what do i look back at, a bitter relationship that we felt trapped in? and what do i look forward to - prospects of relationship with someone with a failed relationship in their past or golddiggers...... with more compromises.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Someone with the know how please link Mr. Tilting to the 180. It would be a great place for him to begin to get his bearings back.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> What are these "sensual massages"? Does it involve an orgasm for you?


Ah, ah, ah! *wags finger* I know your gender! Men only allowed. 

We're just here to read. 



...pass the popcorn, please, CoffeeAmore! 



.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

tilting said:


> But if...i am sixty or something then what do i look...forward to - prospects of relationship with someone with a failed relationship in their past...


Uh, Coffee, I'll swap you that *POT* of popcorn, for that *KETTLE* of popcorn! ....just sayin'....



.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

tilting said:


> i wont leave her... and i dont think she will leave me either. But if we separate when kids are grown up and i am sixty or something then what do i look back at, a bitter relationship that we felt trapped in? and what do i look forward to - prospects of relationship with someone with a failed relationship in their past or golddiggers...... with more compromises.


 You're the one setting the rules here. You're the one deciding what this relationship revolves around. 

Here's a little clue for you. Just saying nice things, and doing a few nice things is not a relationship. Your words portray (to me) a sense of resentment. You CANNOT have a relationship that is fulfilling to your wife while you're resenting her. Genetically, she has the stuff to sense it and have an impact on her behavior. 

You came here telling your situation, but in the end, I suspect what you wanted was to find a way to justify what you want - either to manipulate her into giving it, or to justify leaving. 

It is likely nobody is going to give you either of those. There is only one person you can change in this world, and that's you. So you're caught in a dilemma of your own rules - the rules are that you must get certain "accomodations" from your wife, or you are going to leave and find them elsewhere. But then you set another rule that says you're not going to leave, because of your kids. What? You actually care about them? 

If you care about your kids, you ARE GOING TO FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR WIFE BECAUSE YOU OWE THOSE CHILDREN PARENTS WHO ARE FUNCTIONAL LOVING AND DEMONSTRATE TO THEM WHAT SHOULD BE A HEALTHY WAY TO LIVE. 

And yes, I was shouting that. So, since there's only one person you can change, and you have created a set of conflicting rules that cannot be accommodated, you have to change you. Some aspect of what you insist on has to change. Either you put your own wants ahead of your kids and you leave, or you don't. But going on with this self imposed dilemma isn't working for any of you.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

tilting said:


> i wont leave her... and i dont think she will leave me either. But if we separate when kids are grown up and i am sixty or something then what do i look back at, a bitter relationship that we felt trapped in? and what do i look forward to - prospects of relationship with someone with a failed relationship in their past or golddiggers...... with more compromises.


It's the risk we all took that day when we said "I do".

Some of us got lucky, the rest of us got dissapointment in the intimacy department.

You really do have to chose though. She isn't going to change. I know from experience. I'm right there with you as I've decided I'm not going anywhere either. But it's not a life I recommend to any man. Your most basic urges have to supressed from most of your life. Be sure you can handle it. I'm still not sure I made the right choice....


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## tilting (Jul 19, 2013)

Thanks Old Geezer. I appreciate your inputs.

- 'Just saying nice things, and doing a few nice things is not a relationship.' ------ There's tons of advice on this board as to how those small warm and fuzzy things make people love each other.

- 'I suspect what you wanted was to find a way to justify what you want - either to manipulate her into giving it, or to justify leaving.' ---- I cannot manipulate her and I already said in my post that i wont be leaving her. When i look at my kids I cant imagine what it would take for me to leave. ( i don't want to find out either)

- 'But going on with this self imposed dilemma isn't working for any of you.' --- True dat.

Thanks Sinnister. 
- 'I'm right there with you as I've decided I'm not going anywhere either. But it's not a life I recommend to any man.' --- I feel your pain man. I have made multiple attempts to fix things but they have essentially remained unchanged. I have now lost the will to make these attempts anymore because i know nothing will work. And I smell defeat every single day.

Hello SlowlyGettingWiser

- 'Ah, ah, ah! *wags finger* I know your gender! Men only allowed. We're just here to read. ...pass the popcorn, please, CoffeeAmore!'---- I see you have me all figured out. You get an 'A' for astuteness. I never intended women not to read but I wanted them to refrain from interjecting. That was a simple enough request. You get an 'F' on comprehension.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Um, how do I get an "F" in comprehension? I scolded CoffeeAmore (a woman) for commenting on your post. I posted nothing to you; I only posted to CoffeeAmore. I even "quoted" CoffeeAmore so it was obvious (I thought) whom I was addressing.

Now, *this* rebuttal is breaking your rule...but it's NOT because I can't comprehend; it's because I'm taking YOU to task for taking ME to task. I think you failed to comprehend.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You don't want to hear from women because you know that we'll pick up on the fact you're getting your rocks off at these massages and focus on that. And because we'll call you what you are - a cheater. 

All you want is validation from other men that you should just keep on doing what you're doing. You've said you will not be leaving your wife. You're hoping they will all go "There, there, you poor unsexed man, you deserve to have as many sex massages as you need".

And you CERTAINLY don't want to be told that the honorable thing would be to TELL YOUR WIFE what you're doing behind her back.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

tilting said:


> 1. Should i end this relationship just because the sex isnt up to what i want it to be. I really dont want to turn the lives of two kids upside down. And the reason i shared info about my indiscretions is because at some level i feel it is celestial payback / karma.


No, you should end the relationship because you feel cheating is justified in this relationship.

If you're 60, I assume your wife is about the same age. You just have to understand that most 60-something women aren't going to be as sexual as you want. So in that case either get a divorce and chase skirts that are much younger or be more understanding.

I'd even suggest counseling but the fact that you've already gone elsewhere makes me think that divorce is probably better 

(apologies to the 60-something women out there who maintain their kinkiness).


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> If you're 60, I assume your wife is about the same age. You just have to understand that most 60-something women aren't going to be as sexual as you want. So in that case either get a divorce and chase skirts that are much younger or be more understanding.
> 
> I'd even suggest counseling but the fact that you've already gone elsewhere makes me think that divorce is probably better
> 
> (apologies to the 60-something women out there who maintain their kinkiness).


In the first post, he says he's in his 30s, not 60s. 

Ok...taking me and my estrogen out of the thread again...lol


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## CaptainLOTO (Nov 6, 2013)

There is a book called Married Man Sex Life by Athol Kay (I may have the spelling wrong but I'm close). Read the book. It'll either help improve things or help you make the decision you're trying to make. 

In the meantime, stay out of those massage places.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So none of you guys are going to call him out on getting happy ending massages, except for a 'stay out of those massage places'????


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

tilting said:


> Thanks Old Geezer. I appreciate your inputs.
> 
> - 'Just saying nice things, and doing a few nice things is not a relationship.' ------ There's tons of advice on this board as to how those small warm and fuzzy things make people love each other.


No, they don't. They EXPRESS what we feel inside. If we don't feel it, then our deeds betray our words - and that, too, can't truly be hidden - "massages" ring a bell? You can't make up for fooling around with another woman by a few nice things said and done. You have to make a total transformation of your thoughts, your internal commitment ,and your moral compass. 

It's time to act, and do so in a decisive way. I can't choose that for you, but your portrayal of the dilemma is such that it seems you can't continue to kick the can down the road, either. 



> - 'I suspect what you wanted was to find a way to justify what you want - either to manipulate her into giving it, or to justify leaving.' ---- I cannot manipulate her and I already said in my post that i wont be leaving her. When i look at my kids I cant imagine what it would take for me to leave. ( i don't want to find out either)


Well, you committed the deeds already that can easily tear this whole thing apart. You're pretending that your secret can be covered up and it make no difference. That your thrill-seeking won't have results you can't control - but that ship may have already sailed. You yourself talk about not being able to live without what you think are essential thrills. Here's the problem: After you get them, you're still going to be just chasing something new. 

Really, what you NEED is a true and honest relationship with your wife and you'll find your sex life satisfying because it's not just masturbating on another person. Stop chasing the next thrill ride and get on with living a real life. 



> - 'But going on with this self imposed dilemma isn't working for any of you.' --- True dat.


I guess I was trying to point out to you that from where I stand, you yourself recognize the impossibility of just continuing as you have been. That's why I'm encouraging you to act.. THIS MOMENT. Start pursuing a real relationship with your wife and mother of your children, and the REST of the issues will resolve themselves. Really, I suspect what you want and don't know it, is that true intimacy, rather than just a list of "things I don't get to do and want to try". They're just acts and motions. What matters in the world is those other people.

Addendum: 21 years afterward, my wife confessed a single infidelity to me. She wanted to trust me and me trust her, and after all that time, she realized that her covering it up made her act and feel extremely insecure in herself and always having that "if he found out, we could be torn apart" thought she could never bury nor resolve. Of course I forgave her. It was hard and took a long time to stop having that clinching up inside, but it's now over and done. But that seriously improved HER life and HER emotional state. I have to say I am quite surprised at how much our relationship grew because she stopped having that reservation inside. 

You can't do these in a vacuum. Change things.. .NOW. Don't wait until tomorrow... or anything else. Say you're doing it now and start with writing it down and committing to it every single day.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So none of you guys are going to call him out on getting happy ending massages, except for a 'stay out of those massage places'????


Oddly enough, that's the wrong focus, I think. 

Fixing relationships resolves that kind of thing.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> UFB


????

Everyone seems to want to exact their revenge for his acts, which does NOTHING toward fixing the problem. 

My focus is on the idea that unless the entire focus of what he thinks of as a 'relationship' and marriage changes, there's simply no possibility of this working out and whatever he's done was merely a step along the inevitable way. And, if he changes his focus and concept of what being married and what a relationship means, the gravity will occur and be dealt with. 

I know, I know. There seems to be a lot of determination to point fingers and condemn. At this point, what does it do?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So none of you guys are going to call him out on getting happy ending massages, except for a 'stay out of those massage places'????


If I was going to respond to this thread at all, it would only be to call him out on that. I suppose that's why he asked for only men to respond...figured he'd get a sympathetic audience. Not from me though.


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## 1812overture (Nov 25, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> So you're saying that it was inevitable that he go and get those massages? Seriously?
> 
> You're damned right I condemn any man who takes that path behind his wife's back. He, and other guys on this thread, have just glossed over that fact as if it doesn't matter. Of course there's a lot of work to be done, but cheating is one of, if not THE, most devastating thing you can do to a spouse. Unless he takes ownership of that, it isn't going to just resolve itself.


Late to the thread, and I'll gladly condemn that behavior. Getting a handy is cheating on your wife. If she finds out and throws you out, there's a bunch of people in CWI who will support her. And she should throw you out. Clearly there is nothing in your posts to suggest you are remorseful in the least. 

There's also a bunch of people in Sex in Marriage who have unfulfilling sex lives who aren't pursuing "happy endings." I'm one of those. 

Maybe (Hope, it's all I've got) shrouding it in "sensual massage" is intended to mislead. "Paying women to 'whatever won't get banned'" probably would have gotten more consistently aggressive responses.

Dude, commit to change, tell your wife, tell her about your commitment to change, stick to that commitment AND be prepared to take whatever she needs to throw your way while she processes that you've been having an affair. And then go to CWI, admit you're a cheater and a liar, and watch the vitriol fly. She's home raising the kids, you're out getting a handy??!!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Hope1964 said:


> So none of you guys are going to call him out on getting happy ending massages, except for a 'stay out of those massage places'????


Of course not. To what end? He has no intention of leaving her, and has stated outright that she doesn't love him.

We'll wait for his wife to come here once she has discovered what he is doing, or has found someone she wants to have sex with, and encourage _her_ to end the marriage, as he won't ... which will in turn, help them both.

You are cheating on your wife. End the infidelity, or end the marriage.

You have a simple choice OP. Dig in, talk to your wife and both of you work on your marriage, or end the marriage and decide what you want from your life, and go after it.

Anything else is window dressing. There are plenty of men here that can relate to your situation. 

No man here is going to tell you what you are doing is ok. What you say you want, is just fine ... but perhaps not with this woman. So again, as others have already stated, you have a choice to make. The choice isn't going to go away.

Can you have an open conversation with your wife? Does she think the marriage is lacking as well?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

tilting said:


> sorry peeps. I am not very coherent most of the time but somedays the frustration really pushes me over the edge.
> 
> I guess my questions are as follows:
> 1. Should i end this relationship just because the sex isnt up to what i want it to be. I really dont want to turn the lives of two kids upside down. And the reason i shared info about my indiscretions is because at some level i feel it is celestial payback / karma.
> ...



Talk to your wife about your sexual fantasies and how often you want to have sex with her. Tell her what's on your mind in a constructive positive manner. If she really doesn't know, tell her.

Both take the 5 love languages quiz and compare.
Home | The 5 Love Languages®

After having two kids, her hormones might be off, her sex drive drops and she only focuses all her energy on the house and raising them. Raising two kids is a job in itself and draining. Last thing she is thinking about is crazy adventurous sex.

If you can, work this out and wait until your kids are out of high school and gone.

Sexual mismatch is quite common. After marriage, people get comfy, let themselves go, the chase is over and their true low sex drive LD comes out. They were LD to begin with you see. 

Take the quiz and compare, talk, tell her about your sex drive and frustrations and she will tell you what her needs are. Find a common ground.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Getting jerked off at a massage parlor is "celestial payback" to your wife? Man, you are one super passive aggressive dude! It's not the stars "paying her back" it's you, dumbass! And she doesn't even know it! And paying her back for what? For having sex with you but not giving you BJ's?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

There is just so much here, it's hard to know where to begin.

First off, I would LOVE to know where in the Wedding Vows it says "Do you, Mrs. Tilting, agree to be your husbands personal blow up sex doll, doing any nasty horrible act that some moral degenerate has to be PAID big bucks for to actually engage in whenever he wants it?"

I obviously had the wrong preacher.

Say the following things in the mirror slowly at least once a day:

*I am NOT entitled to a wild kinky sex life. NO ONE owes it to me.*

*Just because my wife doesn't do these things, doesn't mean she doesn't love me. It means she doesn't want to have wild kinky sex. (Whether she loves you or not is an entirely different question)*

*Getting orgasms from some strange woman feels very nice, but it is still cheating. I would not allow my wife to be fingered to Orgasm by a strange man. The same rule applies to me.*

*A woman who keeps up a house, takes care of the kids, feeds me, clothes me, and occasionally throws me a bone is fulfilling her wifely functions.*

*My relationship with my wife is very bad and I am half way responsible for this at least. A bad relationship equals bad sex.*

Slick, may I call you slick? Slick, your wife might know more about your 'massage therapy sessions' than you realize. If she does, she's likely burning mad, humiliated, scared, out of love, and massively distraught.

Any one of those will cause a very sh*tty sex life. So one wonders if the massages came first, or the bad sex life did.

Even if she doesn't know, having a bad relationship with you will also cause this. And if you think she's a 'sex machine' where you put in two foot massage coins for a BJ, you have just monetized your sexual relationship and if she knows this, you've ruined every nice thing you do for her...because she expects that you want something from her sexually. So what should be a bonding experience becomes 'sex tokens'. She might eventually pay off, but it's like country fair tickets: the price seems staggeringly high for what you get.

And from the tone, it sounds like you plopped in some DVD of Nikki Sexx doing something TRULY horrifying looking while you are wagging your eyebrows going 'what do you think?" This is not the way to sell kinky sex. Sex is, let me go slowly here, a COMPROMISE.

Following this theme, I want you to picture this scene. You hand cuffed spread eagle on the bed face down while she has a very large dildo and a jar of vasaline. Sound a trifle offputting? Hey, it's kinky wild sex! Oh...kinky wild sex ON HER... This might be exactly how she views your suggestions, as something painful, dangerous and no fun. So you need to SELL these things.

But really, there isn't much point. Right now, you need to fix your relationship so you can get ORDINARY sex.

Now, some women feel (not many) that once she's done having kids, the park is closed. Ditto people from other cultures. Some women DO cut their husbands off for no discernible reason. I am not sure this is the reason in your case.

I would suggest you get into counseling very soon to fix this. You can leave, but it's like you took a drill to the bottom of a boat and decide to leave because the darn thing is sinking for 'no good reason', of course, leaving the women and children behind.

Look, relationships aren't easy. Put the effort into things. Read Athol Kay's book. Read the Five Languages of Love. See a counselor. Stop going to massage parlors. Look...I get the attraction. EVERY one is tempted. It's how we act in the face of temptation which reveals our character. But you can fix your character.


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