# Seeking advice...



## Heathergirl62 (Jul 23, 2009)

Hey I am wanting a mans point of view here. As I am a women I know what a girl would do or think or whatever. 

My Husband and I have been married for 3 years. As of lately I feel as if he 'doesnt love me that much any more'. I feel like he doesnt say I look good unless I ask how I look. He says he loves me and whatever multiple times a day. But when he leaves for work I feel like he doesnt kiss me like he means it. Almost if it was a kiss to his mother. He hugs me lightly. And what really upsets me is lately he doesnt let me know he is going to bed or tell me he loves me or kiss me good night but he will run into our sons room before we lay him down and kiss him good night and what not. We started fighting about it tonight and he said I was an idiot. Which most of the times when we fight I am always stupid or an idiot and he tells me to screw myself. Tonight it really hurt. Because he has a job interview tomorrow with some buddies that laid him off last year and I am just so annoyed he couldnt tell me the details of what is going on tomorrow. What I am really annoyed about also is he spends SO SO SO much time playing WoW or his xbox that I feel he has a game addiction. And I take a back seat. No matter if he watches a movie with me he always gets on either or and plays untill all hours of the early morning. 

He isn't romantic any more what so ever. He expects me to plan all the dates and when I complain its always my fault cuz I didnt plan anything. I feel that I am doing something wrong. I feel like he doesnt love me as much he did before we got married and had a baby. It really hurts. I feel like I am not number on in his life at all anymore. I know things could be worse but I dont like this one bit. When ever we get into fights I am always up because I feel bad or whatever. And he sleeps like a baby. I dont know what it will take for him to realize that I want him to say sorry and make me feel better before we go to bed. Or else I am 20 times more upset at him in the morning. I dont know...I just need some help or advice on what to do to make him talk and interact with me more and love me like he used to. SOS please!!


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Welcome to the comfort zone!!! You could be my wife after we'd been together a few years, it would've sounded very similar. 

I got comfortable in our relationship a few years into it. I never stopped loving my wife, I actually loved her more. I never had a long relationship until her, so I had never been in that stage before. I kind of had the attitude of, "I'm still here, why would she think I don't love her"... And she had the same complaints of how I wouldn't tell her anything, I would say "I didn't think it was a big deal". She would complain about me showing more affection to the kids than to her. She HATED if I would go to bed without her... For some reason, I never thought it was a big deal at the time.

My wife complained all the time, and at first I did the same thing. I didn't call her an idiot, but I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. It took a while until it hit me. 

And honestly, the problem is I'm really not sure what happened to make it click with me. She just kept complaining about it, and was unhappy a lot of the time. And I guess I finally figured out through my thick skull, that if I treat her better, she'll be happier, then if she's happy, I'm happy. 

The one thing that she did was she just asked: "What do I do that makes you feel good..." and I told her. Then she came with, "Well, what makes me feel good is............." So I knew it there. She started to do more nice things for me, and I started to do more for her. We both were happier, and when you are happy, you like to make the other person happy. At least we do.

So I guess my best advice is to just tell him, and then try to be more active yourself trying to make him happy. It's always better if it's not just "You need to do this", but rather it if's "We need to do this..."


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## TabbyCat (Jun 13, 2009)

I would say what GPR said is true. My husband and I WANT to please each other. It's more about the other person, not yourself. It works so well.

Dr Laura's book, "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" is a good book to read. It might help. There might be some other books you could read too. Maybe if he sees you doing YOUR own thing, he might get curious. Who knows, you might even start enjoying yourself.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Here's the straight up answer. He's addicted to online games and that is essentially sucking up all his time and energy leaving nothing much left over for you or other productive activities like holding a job. You're not going to be able to wait it out, or up the love and support and have him magically realize you're special. All that will do will enable the addiction and things with get worse.

YouTube - World of Warcraft Birth Control

At this point I'd just start planning your exit and find a new boyfriend to transition to. Get pregnant to your new boyfriend while staying married to your husband, then seperate after the baby is born and move in with your boyfriend. Then you can nail your husband for child support because his name will be on the birth certificate as the husband. I know that his sounds tricky to pull off, but don't forget he'll be playing World of Warcraft the whole time and be totally clueless. He'll likely starve to death unless you put food down in front of him once in a while too.

Ok that's all horrible advice. I regret saying all that.

Anyway - you will have to shock him somehow into realizing there is a real world to deal with.

Maybe start with sending him to WoW Detox - The Detox center for your World of Warcraft Addiction! and stating your position quite firmly that he needs to change priorities or you will be walking.


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