# A painful confession



## Justme127 (6 mo ago)

Hi,
I decided to create an account and post here since there’s a situation that’s getting out of hand in my marriage. We are a young couple and love each other deeply. However, I’ve been feeling like I’m not sexually attracted to my husband anymore.

I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.

There are some things he does around the house that turn me off (like making sounds with his body, walking naked all the time) and even though I’ve been open with him about it he thinks it’s just a joke and I also want him to feel free and comfortable at home.

The thing is, even though I don’t enjoy sex as much anymore, I try to still have it as a priority and try to enjoy as much as possible. But yesterday, on our anniversary my husband said he wished I was a more sexual person and that I’d lied to him when I said I was in the past. When I asked him to be more specific he said. “Well, I’m usually the one to initiate things and when we do have sex you just lay there”. I felt pretty sad because I had bought a sexy outfit and wanted to end the day with some intimacy but after his comment I just shout down and ended up just going to bed. He apologized but I can’t help feeling awkward and sad. I now know it’s not only me who’s not 100% happy with our sex life but it’s also affecting him. I don’t know how to handle this because when we’re having sex I truly try to do my best but I guess he can somehow feel that I’m not totally engaged. At this point, I want to avoid any sort of intimacy because I feel like he’s just going to criticize my performance but at the same time I know that’s not gonna help our marriage.

I honestly don’t know what to do. Help please!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Better see a sex therapist and perhaps individual counseling.
Sounds more like you’re falling out of love with your husband. He’s the same guy you married.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d wonder if you weren’t involved in an emotional affair with another man.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Maybe instead of criticism you both need to find better ways to communicate about sex?

Its not easy but maybe some more positive ways with verbiage like "I like when you do *_* but would really like if you did ____" If either of you just start shutting down in response to what the other says, its just going to get worse.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

What Evinrude said. 

If he matters to you that much, please see a therapist. 

If you aren't sexually attracted to him anymore, that is ok. Seriously, that is ok. No one can force you to feel something that isn't there. But please, divorce him so that he can find someone that is sexually attracted to him. Please. It'll be good for you as well since you can go find someone you want to be with.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Have you had a physical lately? That may uncover a change you can fix.

do you actually just lay there during sex or is that an unreasonable assessment he made?


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

I don't think it is possible to love someone and not being sexually attracted to him or her. Low sex drive and not sexually desire your husband are also two different things. You need to honestly answer this. If you have low or non existent sex drive specifically if you had high sex drive before then it might be hormonal. If you lost sexual desire for your husband you may be falling out of love with him. If him walking naked makes you unhappy I don't think it is unreasonable to communicate this to him. If my wife didn't like me walking naked I wouldn't do this.

You need to dig deep and understand your core feelings. This may give you options either to see therapy or realize your marriage is over.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Justme127 said:


> I felt pretty sad because I had bought a sexy outfit…


So it sounds like you are trying to me. Someone doesn’t do that unless they’re trying but it sounds like it just isn’t happening.

Maybe since he’s willing to offer up some criticism you can talk with him about his unattractive behaviors and how they can put you off.

Did he ever get you going in the past?


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Sounds to me you're loosing attraction, because he's a bad lover. It sounds he doesn't know how to please a woman. I had an Ex I did leavr. I got bored of sex with him and lost attraction. I was always putting effort into my performance, but he didn't. 

He complaint after our relationship and after sleeping with other women, that they didn't move in bed and were just laying there. I concluded that the problem was him and not the women.

It never came into his mind that he is simply a bad lover and the women were laying there in bed because they were dissapointed and not aroused. 

He was even that stupid and praised me for my performance in bed, but never wondered why I was never praising him. Well, he didn't need that, because he didn't care! But that made him a lousy lover... I never told him my suspicion... I bet he's still out there complaining... 

Your husband sounds to be the same. You told him you don't like certain things he does. He ignores it. Fool. You're giving him clear warnings. He needs to take responsibility. He obviously believes woman don't need erotic stimulation and that he just to need to climb the woman when he is ready. 

You did right going to bed and not dressing up for him. Don't do that at all for now. You're abviously the person in need for more sexual stimulation. Let him do the job first and make you super horny. 
Later once he learned his lesson you can gift him with a sexy outfit. And then hopefully you both treat each other equally in bed.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Justme127 said:


> “Well, I’m usually the one to initiate things and when we do have sex you just lay there”.


Is this true? Do you not initiate? Do you just lay there? Is that what you did when you were dating and trying to win him over? What is it about seeing him naked that turns you off? Is he fat and unattractive? More details would be helpful.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Justme127 said:


> Hi,
> I decided to create an account and post here since there’s a situation that’s getting out of hand in my marriage. We are a young couple and love each other deeply. However, I’ve been feeling like I’m not sexually attracted to my husband anymore.
> I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.
> There are some things he does around the house that turn me off (like making sounds with his body, walking naked all the time) and even though I’ve been open with him about it he thinks it’s just a joke and I also want him to feel free and comfortable at home.
> ...


I have a few questions for you....how old are you, how long have you been together, and how long has it been that your sex drive has been disappearing? Also, was he your first sex partner? 

See the part I bolded...? That shows that your husband's TRUST in you is disappearing now, because he can tell that you aren't enjoying sex with him, and that HURTS him because his desire for you is his GIFT to you and he feels like you are rejecting it. So that "sad" feeling you had after is how you are making HIM feel too. You feel like he's criticizing your performance, but I'm sure HE feels like you are doing the same to him.

I agree that avoiding intimacy with him now because you are feeling bad for yourself is definitely the WRONG way to fix this and reconnect with him. Not only that, you are basically punishing him for sharing his real concerns and feelings with you about sex, and that is going to block real communication between you going forward, which is setting a dangerous precedent for your marriage. You BOTH should feel SAFE telling eachother your honest feelings and worries.
You made what he said about YOUR feelings, when it should have been about HIS.

There are NO magic wands to make your sex drive come back. This is going to take real effort on your part - this is up to YOU. You have to learn what you need to find your sexual self again and to enjoy sex with him, and then you need to communicate that to him. You also might need to accept and love him the way he is, instead of losing those feelings for him because he does things that you don't like. You married a real human being, not a "perfect" fake image of a man.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> Better see a sex therapist and perhaps individual counseling.
> Sounds more like you’re falling out of love with your husband. He’s the same guy you married.
> *If I didn’t know any better, I’d wonder if you weren’t involved in an emotional affair with another man.*


Interesting observation. I wonder if the OP would be willing to reveal this in this thread. The bodily noises I understand, but I can't imagine any woman not wanting to SEE her husband walking around the house naked. How does seeing your spouse naked not turn you on, unless the love you once had for them is all but gone?


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## Justme127 (6 mo ago)

Hi everyone, 
Thanks for your answers and feedback. I truly appreciate you guys helping me find perspective and solutions for this problem. I’d like to provide additional information and answer some questions since I think it might help you get the whole picture about this situation. I’m 28 years old and he’s 29. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4. Before my husband, I had the opportunity to explore my sexuality with other partners and find out what I liked and didn’t like in bed. There’s one person in particular who played a big role in my life in that regard. With him, I was able to reach an orgasm for the first time and enjoy sex to the fullest. Later, when I met my husband, I didn’t feel like our sexual chemistry was as great as I had experienced in the past but it wasn’t bad at all. I thought we were able to understand each other and have a lot of fun in the bedroom.
I believe things started going downhill ever since we started sharing a home. At the beginning of our marriage we faced some difficult times and had a hard time adjusting to our new life. Back then is when I started noticing my lack of sexual desire towards him and I thought it was due to resentment and lack of emotional connection. Thankfully we were able to overcome those issues and we’re now best friends.
My husband is naturally attractive and is in good shape. However, I don’t feel like he ever goes the extra mile to create sexually exciting or romantic environments. Usually, he just says something like, “it’s love time babe” and I just feel like it’s another chore  or he can even start this “dirty talk” that just ends up turning me off. Like “Hey babe, do you want some of this ****?” I just don’t like it!!!
Besides that, he does things like trying to have sex when he first wakes up without having even brushed his teeth (I always brush my teeth first thing in the morning) or as I said before, making sounds with his body like farting. He can even fart and immediately try to have sex and I’m just disgusted. The thing that bothers me about him walking around naked all the time is that I honestly feel like I’ve finished the movie before even watching it. I like the feeling of undressing someone during sexual foreplay.
When we are making love I do try to do my best even if I’m not completely enjoying our encounter. We try different positions, we talk during sex, use toys, etc. But I do recognize I could be wilder. There are many instinctive feelings that occur during a good sex session that make a person show initiative, be willing to try new and exciting things and overall make them good at sex. I do not usually get those feelings and clearly my husband notices it. Finally, I’m someone who really enjoyes oral sex and I’ve never felt like he’s really into it. He does it but I don’t think he enjoys it and that’s another turn off for me. 
You might think. Why are you still with him then? And the answer is: it is the only issue we really have in our relationship. He’s a loyal, sweet and loving husband. We enjoy spending time together and have the same values and goals in life. He makes me feel confident and valuable. We have a very healthy relationship in every other sense. Should I really divorce and lose someone like him just because we have some differences when it comes to sex? I really want to work on this but I do not want to break his heart when I open up and say to him all the things I mentioned on this post. 
Thanks again!


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Justme127 said:


> Hi everyone,
> Thanks for your answers and feedback. I truly appreciate you guys helping me find perspective and solutions for this problem. I’d like to provide additional information and answer some questions since I think it might help you get the whole picture about this situation. I’m 28 years old and he’s 29. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4. Before my husband, I had the opportunity to explore my sexuality with other partners and find out what I liked and didn’t like in bed. There’s one person in particular who played a big role in my life in that regard. With him, I was able to reach an orgasm for the first time and enjoy sex to the fullest. Later, when I met my husband, I didn’t feel like our sexual chemistry was as great as I had experienced in the past but it wasn’t bad at all. I thought we were able to understand each other and have a lot of fun in the bedroom.
> I believe things started going downhill ever since we started sharing a home. At the beginning of our marriage we faced some difficult times and had a hard time adjusting to our new life. Back then is when I started noticing my lack of sexual desire towards him and I thought it was due to resentment and lack of emotional connection. Thankfully we were able to overcome those issues and we’re now best friends.
> My husband is naturally attractive and is in good shape. However, I don’t feel like he ever goes the extra mile to create sexually exciting or romantic environments. Usually, he just says something like, “it’s love time babe” and I just feel like it’s another chore  or he can even start this “dirty talk” that just ends up turning me off. Like “Hey babe, do you want some of this ****?” I just don’t like it!!!
> ...


Have you told him how much you enjoy oral sex? If not, then you should tell him this, and share with him that you feel he is not into you that way. Once HE KNOWS you love him servicing you orally, he might just be motivated to put in a much better effort.

I know that I would be turned on knowing that the woman I loved wanted me doing things orally for her. Being turned on makes you a better giver IMHO!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Justme127 said:


> Hi everyone,
> Thanks for your answers and feedback. I truly appreciate you guys helping me find perspective and solutions for this problem. I’d like to provide additional information and answer some questions since I think it might help you get the whole picture about this situation. I’m 28 years old and he’s 29. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4. Before my husband, I had the opportunity to explore my sexuality with other partners and find out what I liked and didn’t like in bed. There’s one person in particular who played a big role in my life in that regard. With him, I was able to reach an orgasm for the first time and enjoy sex to the fullest. Later, when I met my husband, I didn’t feel like our sexual chemistry was as great as I had experienced in the past but it wasn’t bad at all. I thought we were able to understand each other and have a lot of fun in the bedroom.
> I believe things started going downhill ever since we started sharing a home. At the beginning of our marriage we faced some difficult times and had a hard time adjusting to our new life. Back then is when I started noticing my lack of sexual desire towards him and I thought it was due to resentment and lack of emotional connection. Thankfully we were able to overcome those issues and we’re now best friends.
> My husband is naturally attractive and is in good shape. However, I don’t feel like he ever goes the extra mile to create sexually exciting or romantic environments. Usually, he just says something like, “it’s love time babe” and I just feel like it’s another chore  or he can even start this “dirty talk” that just ends up turning me off. Like “Hey babe, do you want some of this ****?” I just don’t like it!!!
> ...


Just seems to me there’s some love missing. Any sex is great when you love the person.
However, I have had a relationship where the sex was a lot better than anything I’ve ever experienced before or after, and I worry the desire for that again taints my relationships now. Maybe that’s your problem.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Justme127 said:


> There’s one person in particular who played a big role in my life in that regard. With him, I was able to reach an orgasm for the first time and enjoy sex to the fullest.


That's your issue. Instead of teaching your husband what you like, you are comparing him to someone else. You need to work on it with your husband, he's not a mind reader. If you think every guy is going to be like that one guy, you are far mistaken. Further, if you take that one guy who gave you great sex, moved in with him and heard him farting and watching him pee and whatnot, I can guarantee you that you would be turned off by that as well. I don't think you are understanding what marriage is and that it takes hard work, even the sex part. You have to work with him as a team on this to make it better.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Classic Alpha Widow.


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## Justme127 (6 mo ago)

Guys, I want to make it clear that I’m not comparing my husband to anyone else. If I wanted to be with someone else that’s what I’d be doing instead of looking for guidance to fix the problems in my marriage. I do want to make it work and be on the same team as my husband. Just like we always have. The only reason why I brought up someone else is because I wanted to point out that I’ve had prior experience and knew exactly what I liked in sex. My husband knows how much I enjoy oral sex, but I can still sense it’s not his thing. He does it to please me but I don’t think he enjoys it. In fact, the day he made this comment as we were talking he mentioned I should be thankful because not every woman got as much oral as I did. Which made me feel he does it as a favor or as an obligation.
I know no one is perfect and I accept him as a human. I just have no control over what turns me on. What can I do? 
Today he asked me if I was doing okay and said he could sense something was wrong. I told him I still had this issue in the back of my head. Once I shared my thoughts with him he didn’t say anything at all. He just went to take a shower and acted like nothing had happened after that. That’s no surprise. He usually avoid confrontation and hopes everything magically goes back to normal. I, on the other hand, can’t just ignore problems and spend a lot of energy trying to figure things out.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Justme127 said:


> “it’s love time babe”







I think you'll need to tell him


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

We all have a high water mark and it's hard to go backwards and settle for less. 

You are no where near the first person who had better sexual chemistry and compatibility with someone else who was not a marriage candidate for whatever reason, nor will you be the last. 

When you have been with someone where everything just clicks and falls into place and is great, that makes the lesser experiences feel that much more awkward and frustrating. 

And it's also a very awkward and frustrating feeling for the other party as well because they feel they just can't win regardless of what they do. If they don't please you the way you want, they feel less than and emasculated. If they put in the effort and really try, then you say they are just doing duty sex and just doing it to try to appease you and shut you up. 

And no matter what they do, they can not be another person or be the person that you really want. They come up short either way.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

So he basically sucks in bed (and not in a good way), he's walks around naked farting and stuff, and is disgusting enough to blast his nasty morning breath in your face looking for more of that mediocre sex you so DON'T crave.

He sounds like a keeper. 

Tell him to grow the hell up and throw on a pair of boxer shorts like a civilized human being. Who the hell wants to look at some naked fool all night long day after day after day? Was he raised in the woods or something? Nasty.

He needs to learn that there's GOOD naked and there's BAD naked - and he's the king of BAD naked. Yuck.


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

I just want to say thank you for being vulnerable and asking for perspective. I can tell you really care about your husband and your relationship. And you clearly have been putting in effort. It seems to me that y’all have a communication problem. He doesn’t like confronting problems, and it’s awkward and uncomfortable telling your partner things you don’t like, especially when it comes to sex. But the issues are just building up in your marriage. They need to be addressed. The fact that he doesn’t take you seriously when you do say something is probably more of a turn off to you than you realize as well. Emotionally oblivious men are unattractive. Y’all need to have a talk.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Justme127 said:


> ......We are a young couple and love each other deeply.
> 
> ......overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.
> 
> ...


It is amazing how much a couple that has been married for many years can communicate non-verbally. Your tone of voice, your facial expression, your body language, eye contact can all speak volumes to your spouse. Yes, he does know you have little sexual desire for him and that really has hurt him deeply.

I think you have a pretty good understanding of the problem and the consequences of not dealing with it.

Sit you husband down. Apologize to him, not for what he said, but for realizing he was right and that you were wrong. Thank him. Then tell him that you value your marriage to him and want to work on trying to win back his heart and sexual passion.

If you haven't thrown away the sexy outfit, pull it out for a surprise either after dinner or in the morning after coming back to bed from the bathroom. Tell him that you love him and sexually desire him. Tell him that you want to initiate sex more often and work on becoming a better lover for him. Then climb on top of him cowgirl style and you make love to him.

Most men deeply want to feel sexually desired and they know when their spouse doesn't. You need to work at convincing yourself that you sexually desire him. Once you feel that way, he will also feel that way. Ask him to help you with the changes you want to make.

The Sex Therapist who helped save my marriage did so much and provided us with so much in terms of reading material and exercises. Some of the things included:

Sensate Focus exercises to rebuild the joy of touching and being touched. You can rekindle the excitement you felt in high school exploring a partner and having your body explored by someone you care for.

Yes/No/Maybe list so we could learn new sexual things that we were both not opposed to that might spice things up in the bedroom. Perhaps even exploring some sex toys, or better yet, learning about sexual role playing.

Learning how to discuss sex without being embarrassed, by practicing. One of the things we did was to have two sex relationship books (his and hers) and read a chapter each week and at the end of the week discuss the suggestions or observations we each felt spoke to us. No pressure to try them unless it is something we both agreed upon. We read through a number of sexual relationship problem books this way.

Sinclair Better Sex videos to visually give us ideas of things we could try.

Learning about Affirmations or Self Hypnosis as a way of changing yourself, your feelings, and forgiving anger and pain.

Visualizing what you want your marriage, love life to look like.

Verbalizing what you want your marriage and love life to be in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years.

There are lots of things you can do, if you are brave enough and the two of you are committed to your marriage. If not, you can always hire someone to help you like a marriage counselor who is a board certified sex therapist.

The point is your husband told you. You heard and understood what he said. You are far luckier than the wife who learns that her H has given up and started having affairs. Be thankful that you got the wake-up call, even if it hurt. Thank him, apologize to him. Yes, he should also apologize to you, but that can come later.

Good luck.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

See a counselor together. He needs to learn how to address conflicts in a healthy way. And you need an environment and help addressing these issues with him until you find resolutions.


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## Universal Wonder (Mar 18, 2015)

Justme127 said:


> Hi,
> I decided to create an account and post here since there’s a situation that’s getting out of hand in my marriage. We are a young couple and love each other deeply. However, I’ve been feeling like I’m not sexually attracted to my husband anymore.
> I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.
> There are some things he does around the house that turn me off (like making sounds with his body, walking naked all the time) and even though I’ve been open with him about it he thinks it’s just a joke and I also want him to feel free and comfortable at home.
> ...





Justme127 said:


> Hi,
> I decided to create an account and post here since there’s a situation that’s getting out of hand in my marriage. We are a young couple and love each other deeply. However, I’ve been feeling like I’m not sexually attracted to my husband anymore.
> I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.
> There are some things he does around the house that turn me off (like making sounds with his body, walking naked all the time) and even though I’ve been open with him about it he thinks it’s just a joke and I also want him to feel free and comfortable at home.
> ...


Why don't you initiate and go from there? It's like eating chocolate... you can slowly eat it and savor the moment ever so slowly to hold on to tge experience as long as you can... or like being parched on a hot summers day and drinking ice cold lemonade under the shade of a tree. Initiate, work up to the moment ever so slowly and savor. Try it...then send an updates report.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Justme127 said:


> I really want to work on this but I do not want to break his heart when I open up and say to him all the things I mentioned on this post.


The only heartbreaking things I’ve been told, directly or subtly, were essentially comparisons to past lovers. Despite ways I intellectually seek to minimize their impact on my brain, I cannot forget them. They are always there. Avoid making comparisons out loud, and avoid letting him sense a comparison is on your mind if and when they rise up inside you.

But, other things don’t have that danger. At least I don’t think they would for me. Better to talk about whatever it is you need from him but are not getting. Better to explain what you think is keeping you from being fully engaged. Even if you’ve mentioned things before and it went in one ear and out the other, now is the time to say it again, emphasize you mentioned it before and that it worries you that he seems to be dismissive of it.

You probably have more power to spin things in a way that motivates him than you realize. Seductive playful suggestions rather than words expressing your disappointment in him (e.g. “Here, if you wear these new boxers around the house instead of walking around naked, I’m more likely to get curious and reach inside and….”). Although, sometimes an objective explanation of what behavior is counterproductive is sometimes in order (e.g., “farting is not a good lead up to initiating sex with me…next time, show me some respect, brush your teeth, and pass your gas before you come back to bed”).

Telling him your fears could be useful too. You mentioned a couple of things you fear that he thinks — but, are you projecting that onto him unnecessarily? And, what if the things you fear are true — isn’t that worth talking about, rather than leaving that space between you?

He is either the type of person that wants you to have a high quality experience and is willing to feel the uncomfortableness of truths he needs to know, or he is not. Likewise, you are either wanting the best for him and open to learning, or your not. Neither of you will get there if you turn away instead of towards, or are less direct and honest and vulnerable than the situation demands. If he shuts down or avoids engaging, call him on it and point out that the success of your marriage, including the health and richness of your sex life, depends on him being full present with you and facing these things. If you find yourself hesitant to say your truth, challenge yourself to say it anyways (avoiding comparisons), eg “yes, too much run of the mill nudity breeds too much familiarity, and that can diminish sexual charge over time… it’s a thing, look it up… if you care about keeping our sexual charge alive between us, I think you ought to pay attention to what I just said.”

I encourage you to avoid pregnancy, until this and the issues surrounding it are fixed. Parenthood can easily make such issues harder to solve.

The book “Mating in Captivity” may be interesting to you both. Not sure there are any solutions therein, but at least highlights the fact keeping the spark alive doesn’t just happen on its own, and there are pitfalls like too much familiarity.


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## hub49 (7 mo ago)

It's very easy - but probably not productive - to compare your partner to previous ones. Truth be told, there were partners I clicked with better, and who understood me more sexually, than my wife does. If that's all it took to make a relationship work, I'd be with one of them instead.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Young at Heart said:


> It is amazing how much a couple that has been married for many years can communicate non-verbally. Your tone of voice, your facial expression, your body language, eye contact can all speak volumes to your spouse. Yes, he does know you have little sexual desire for him and that really has hurt him deeply.
> 
> I think you have a pretty good understanding of the problem and the consequences of not dealing with it.
> 
> ...


Tell him that you desire him. That is the exact opposite of what OP said. Seems like a stretch to be able to pull off a complete fabrication without him realizing something isn't right. I am not an expert, just reading this after reading OP.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

uwe.blab said:


> Tell him that you desire him. That is the exact opposite of what OP said. Seems like a stretch to be able to pull off a complete fabrication without him realizing something isn't right. I am not an expert, just reading this after reading OP.


The OP's H is hurting. For love to blossom either he needs to heal himself or she needs to try to heal him. 

If she puts her mind to it, she can change the way she feels toward him and show him he is desired. I am not saying it will be easy. But someone has to change the dynamic in the relationship.

Most men, me included, have a deep need to feel sexually desired by our wives.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Justme127 said:


> Hi,
> I decided to create an account and post here since there’s a situation that’s getting out of hand in my marriage. We are a young couple and love each other deeply. However, I’ve been feeling like I’m not sexually attracted to my husband anymore.
> I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.
> There are some things he does around the house that turn me off (like making sounds with his body, walking naked all the time) and even though I’ve been open with him about it he thinks it’s just a joke and I also want him to feel free and comfortable at home.
> ...


Your husband did it to himself by starting to act like a gross little brother around you and that is so not sexy. 

He's not listening to you about it so he really only cares when it affects sex and doesn't care like he should because you're his wife. Those are tiny tiny changes you asked him to make that he's refused to make. Are you going to have to make an appointment with a marriage counselor so you can make him understand that this is not small potatoes but it's something that could affect his sex life going forward in a very negative way?

Does he have different expectations for what you do in bed than he did when you got together or is it just about the same?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Justme127 said:


> I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. *I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous*.





Justme127 said:


> *There’s one person in particular who played a big role in my life in that regard*. With him, I was able to reach an orgasm for the first time and *enjoy sex to the fullest*





Justme127 said:


> Later, *when I met my husband, I didn’t feel like our sexual chemistry was as great as I had experienced in the past* but it wasn’t bad at all.





Justme127 said:


> I really want to work on this but* I do not want to break his heart when I open up and say to him all the things I mentioned on this post.*





Justme127 said:


> If I wanted to be with someone else that’s what I’d be doing instead of looking for guidance to fix the problems in my marriage.* I do want to make it work and be on the same team as my husband*





Justme127 said:


> *My husband knows how much I enjoy oral sex, but I can still sense it’s not his thing*. He does it to please me but I don’t think he enjoys it.


Taken together, your husband is boring, doesn't float your boat sexually. You say you didn't think your sexual chemistry was great. Why do you think that is going to improve with time? In fact why did you marry him in the first place? You really enjoy oral sex, but he isn't enthusiastic as you expect. You *wanting* to make it work and be on the same team as your husband isn't sufficient to cause that to happen.

You *could *have *maybe* trained your husband from the beginning to "do this/don't do that" etc to fit your needs. But you didn't, so that ship has sailed. He knows you aren't pleased with him. It is too late to "not break his heart".

You* could *destroy him totally by telling him everything you have written here. Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot and he was writing this about you.

The guy that made you cum the first time will always be in your headspace, and your husband will *never* be able to compete with him. If that guy showed up on your doorstep while your husband was at work, what would you do?

You are both young, not married very long. Not much time invested and no kids. So, my advice is to divorce in an equitable manner. You made a mistake marrying the man you married. And he made a mistake marrying you. People make mistakes all of the time. No reason to compound the mistakes by wasting more time and maybe bringing a child or two into the mix. 

You are in danger of cheating down the road if you stay with him. Some guy will come along who will show you an even better time than the guy you remember fondly, Then where will things be?

After you go your separate ways, knowing what you know now about yourself, you can find someone, maybe the guy that made you cum the first time, or someone as good in bed or better than he was and pursue a relationship with them. Your husband will have a chance to find someone who clicks with him and who isn't an Alpha widow. You will have the sex life you desire. Both of you will avoid making another person miserable.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> We all have a high water mark and it's hard to go backwards and settle for less.
> 
> You are no where near the first person who had better sexual chemistry and compatibility with someone else who was not a marriage candidate for whatever reason, nor will you be the last.
> 
> ...


This is why I wish getting married once and once only was a thing, that saving ones self was was a thing. In a perfect world that doesn't exist.... But think about out it. When you finally find someone, the real somebody who loves you for you, at least in my mind, I'll be wishing I had no recollection of the partners I've had. I've had three in my lifetime and only one stands out, like BIG TIME. I'm terrified the next man that enters my life won't meet that one guy. Maybe he'll have all the other things that make us a great match but in the bedroom.. UGH, I pray for the next man to be most of the things. He doesn't have to be perfect but Lord please let him rock the bedroom, so I never get caught up remembering that one guy.

I don't want to remember him. Anyway. Off topic.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Taken together, your husband is boring, doesn't float your boat sexually. You say you didn't think your sexual chemistry was great. Why do you think that is going to improve with time? In fact why did you marry him in the first place? You really enjoy oral sex, but he isn't enthusiastic as you expect. You *wanting* to make it work and be on the same team as your husband isn't sufficient to cause that to happen.
> 
> You *could *have *maybe* trained your husband from the beginning to "do this/don't do that" etc to fit your needs. But you didn't, so that ship has sailed. He knows you aren't pleased with him. It is too late to "not break his heart".
> 
> ...


Rus isn't all wrong here. Take it from me on the affair part. My husband was my first. Then I broke it off with him for a number of reasons, I was too young, he wasn't even divorced yet. It's a whole other thing. Anywho, I had one partner after him and then we split up and I got back with my husband and we got married a year later. Three years into my marriage, I was constantly ignored, not recognized, not taken care of in any fashion except a roof over my head and food on the table that I maintained and cooked.

My husband cared about one thing and it was drinking. While it wasn't entirely exciting in the bedroom, mostly because he wanted to come to bed and wake me up for a romp session on his own time, just to quickly exit when he was done and get back to finishing his bottle of SoCo, NIGHTLY. A guy I worked with occasionally gave me the slightest but of attention and I was hooked like a fish. I had the affair, short lived, a month and my husband found out. Made my like hell, which was deserved, don't get me wrong. But he never had any intention of forgiving me, just treating me like dirt and keeping me in purgatory for 12 years. I was property at that point. Anyway, you'll get desperate, and desperation leads to making stupid choices. And to the point of being caught up in the memory of your first time, I have NEVER forgot my affair and I wish I could. 

Either sort this out or it's going to cause trouble somehow down the road, it may not even be you who steps out. Could end up being him.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I've had three in my lifetime and only one stands out, like BIG TIME. I'm terrified the next man that enters my life won't meet that one guy.


This is the situation OP is in. Very unlikely another man can EVER match the one who stands out BIG TIME. 

Not sure what to do but just keep looking and auditioning guys until find one either better or close enough to the best. For sure dont “settle”because that will end badly. No one can compete with a memory of the best.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> This is the situation OP is in. Very unlikely another man can EVER match the one who stands out BIG TIME.
> 
> Not sure what to do but just keep looking and auditioning guys until find one either better or close enough to the best. For sure dont “settle”because that will end badly. No one can compete with a memory of the best.


Hence why I want SOOO BADLY to forget. I'm not trying to make the next compete but that's the problem with memory. _sigh_ The really sad part is I could go be with that one memory, that one guy. He's single. I know he's not for me though. God said so. The physicality was for me though my flesh says haha. I'm trying so hard not to live in that though.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Hence why I want SOOO BADLY to forget. I'm not trying to make the next compete but that's the problem with memory. _sigh_ The really sad part is I could go be with that one memory, that one guy. He's single. I know he's not for me though. God said so. The physicality was for me though my flesh says haha. I'm trying so hard not to live in that though.


Well you know what is best for you But he maybe is single because he is meant for you. Isnt it interesting that you are both available at the same time? Out if all of the people in this world? Be very sure who said he is not for you. That will take a LOT of prayer and meditation. The physical is essential to marriage. I would advise you to give it a shot.

And would advise OP to know herself and seek someone more matched to her sexually. Life is too short to make her and husband miserable.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

The OP sounds a little like my wife, except my wife doesn’t really like sex at all, any form of it, but the backing off from desiring sex or intimacy sure sounds familiar. I’m nowhere near like the OP’s husband though. 

Trust me, you do not want to continue a marriage this way. I’m a little over 20 years in and hate that we do not have any form of intimacy. I’m very touch starved and unfortunately touch is my love language. We argue every now and then about the lack of sex and she refuses to fix her issues despite telling me she’s trying. We are basically roommates and co-parents at this point. I don’t want my kids to grow up with divorced parents like both of us did. 

My sex life is primarily a solo act with the occasional starfish sex that my wife will do if I’m desperate and she can tolerate it. 

Hoping you will do what you feel is best for your marriage, but whatever you do don’t stay married if you both can’t work on getting better about intimacy.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Justme127 said:


> Hi everyone,
> Thanks for your answers and feedback. I truly appreciate you guys helping me find perspective and solutions for this problem. I’d like to provide additional information and answer some questions since I think it might help you get the whole picture about this situation. I’m 28 years old and he’s 29. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4. Before my husband, I had the opportunity to explore my sexuality with other partners and find out what I liked and didn’t like in bed. There’s one person in particular who played a big role in my life in that regard. With him, I was able to reach an orgasm for the first time and enjoy sex to the fullest. Later, when I met my husband, I didn’t feel like our sexual chemistry was as great as I had experienced in the past but it wasn’t bad at all. I thought we were able to understand each other and have a lot of fun in the bedroom.
> I believe things started going downhill ever since we started sharing a home. At the beginning of our marriage we faced some difficult times and had a hard time adjusting to our new life. Back then is when I started noticing my lack of sexual desire towards him and I thought it was due to resentment and lack of emotional connection. Thankfully we were able to overcome those issues and we’re now best friends.
> My husband is naturally attractive and is in good shape. However, I don’t feel like he ever goes the extra mile to create sexually exciting or romantic environments. Usually, he just says something like, “it’s love time babe” and I just feel like it’s another chore  or he can even start this “dirty talk” that just ends up turning me off. Like “Hey babe, do you want some of this ****?” I just don’t like it!!!
> ...


Have you told him DIRECTLY all the issues you mention in this post? You need to TALK with him and he needs to LISTEN, not just get all defensive and try to shut down the conversation. YOU need to own your issues also with sex.
Maybe some marriage counseling can help?


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## Justme127 (6 mo ago)

Hi everyone,
It’s been a few days since my last post so I guess I should give an update. When I first posted here I was hurt and sad about my husband’s comment. However, I now feel like it was a good thing that he brought up the issue because it gave me the opportunity to think about our intimacy, realize how much my sex drive had been decreasing and understand it was something I had to address asap. Couples can easily get caught up in work and other responsibilities and make up excuses for not being as sexually active as they used to be and I thing that happened to me. But once he made his comment I had to go deep and pay attention to something I was trying to ignore, and once I found out what were the things that really bothered me and were affecting my sex drive I knew I had to talk to him I just didn’t know how. So we finally had the conversation, I did my best to be kind and careful not to hurt his feelings but also communicate as openly as I could. Fortunately, he didn’t take it to heart. We come from different cultures so he understood some things that were normal for him were not okay for me. Ever since that conversation Things have been improving for us. I notice we both have been paying attention to the other person’s needs and requests and are having more fun in the bedroom.
So, after having this experience my advice for anyone going through something similar is to communicate with their partners before they jump into divorce. Being married is not easy. But if there’s respect, love, communication and both people are willing to work on their marriage, I don’t see why not give it a shot. I was surprised to read so many comments from people here advising me to get a divorce.
Also, hiding your feelings is not a smart decision either. You might help your partner feel better about themselves for a while but you’re not really helping them. They won’t be able to see the things they need to work on and that will continue to affect the relationship. I learned that it all goes back to an essential aspect in any type of relationship: Dealing with the hard conversations no one wants to have. That’s all. Be objective, do not make it about yourself, think of the other person’s feelings but let them know what’s going on because they can’t read your mind. Again, I appreciate you guys taking the time to read and comment here. I know everyone tried to share from their own experiences and I’m glad we have this space to share, learn and help each other.


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## Justme127 (6 mo ago)

Universal Wonder said:


> Why don't you initiate and go from there? It's like eating chocolate... you can slowly eat it and savor the moment ever so slowly to hold on to tge experience as long as you can... or like being parched on a hot summers day and drinking ice cold lemonade under the shade of a tree. Initiate, work up to the moment ever so slowly and savor. Try it...then send an updates report.


 I like this! Yes, lately I have been doing this. I’ve been focusing on enjoying the whole experience instead of just engaging in “duty sex”. Thank you!


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## Justme127 (6 mo ago)

hub49 said:


> It's very easy - but probably not productive - to compare your partner to previous ones. Truth be told, there were partners I clicked with better, and who understood me more sexually, than my wife does. If that's all it took to make a relationship work, I'd be with one of them instead.


I 100% agree with you and I ask you, are you comparing your wife with your former partners because you are accepting you clicked with them better? Being honest does not mean you’re secretly in love with your ex. People asked me if I had had prior sexual experiences and I said yes, In fact, I used to be very sexual and with this one person I used to enjoy sex a lot. So I know the problem is not me, it’s gotta be something else. That’s all!… my comment about my ex was totally taken out of context. My husband is the person I want to be with. I’m just working on improving the sex aspect.


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## Justme127 (6 mo ago)

GoodDad5 said:


> The OP sounds a little like my wife, except my wife doesn’t really like sex at all, any form of it, but the backing off from desiring sex or intimacy sure sounds familiar. I’m nowhere near like the OP’s husband though.
> 
> Trust me, you do not want to continue a marriage this way. I’m a little over 20 years in and hate that we do not have any form of intimacy. I’m very touch starved and unfortunately touch is my love language. We argue every now and then about the lack of sex and she refuses to fix her issues despite telling me she’s trying. We are basically roommates and co-parents at this point. I don’t want my kids to grow up with divorced parents like both of us did.
> 
> ...


I don’t think staying in a relationship just for your kids is a good thing. What would you want for your kids if they were in your situation? You need to put yourself first. That’s the example your children will see and follow. Don’t teach them to settle for less than what they deserve.


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## hub49 (7 mo ago)

Justme127 said:


> are you comparing your wife with your former partners because you are accepting you clicked with them better? Being honest does not mean you’re secretly in love with your ex.


I was with two other women sexually before my wife. They had higher sex drives and a higher sense of adventure than my wife. While those other partners might sound great on the surface, the other elements of the relationship were just not healthy. The girlfriend I had immediately prior to meeting my wife was a rebound relationship. I didn't feel she was marriage material but was going to give it a year and part ways. Yes, I know that sounds jerky. At the six-month mark, she felt the same about me and told me she was done. Thank you! Six months later, I met my wife.

The relationship before the rebound had lasted for six years. A lot of it was long distance so the sex is more intense when you are together. Neither of us were going to move to accommodate the other, so there was no future. I took it very hard, but I'm definitely not in love with her! 

When I met my wife, I thought the prior relationships were toxic in part because of the intense and quick sexual bonding. So, I placed a lower priority on sex, and thought more about whether this new woman was someone I could feel comfortable with in everyday life outside the bedroom. When I found that we had comfortable silences and could enjoy the most simple things, I knew I had found the one. My wife and I have been together more than 20 years now. I don't think the relationships would have lasted even half as long if I was with either of the two women I dated before her. 

The two ex-girlfriends are married and have been with their husbands about as long as I've been with my wife. I don't miss either one. They were in my life for a season - and I'm thankful for that - but not meant to be the partner for a lifetime - which I'm thankful for as well.


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## Universal Wonder (Mar 18, 2015)

Justme127 said:


> I like this! Yes, lately I have been doing this. I’ve been focusing on enjoying the whole experience instead of just engaging in “duty sex”. Thank you!


Galing


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## Alittlelost57 (May 8, 2019)

Justme127 said:


> I 100% agree with you and I ask you, are you comparing your wife with your former partners because you are accepting you clicked with them better? Being honest does not mean you’re secretly in love with your ex. People asked me if I had had prior sexual experiences and I said yes, In fact, I used to be very sexual and with this one person I used to enjoy sex a lot. So I know the problem is not me, it’s gotta be something else. That’s all!… my comment about my ex was totally taken out of context. My husband is the person I want to be with. I’m just working on improving the sex aspect.


I see your point, but don't we all have an obligation to nurture our interest in our partner when we're together long term. And that seems to be what you're doing now, but in a sense it is/was your responsibility. And his, of course, to do the same to maintain interest in you.


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## Universal Wonder (Mar 18, 2015)

Justme127 said:


> I like this! Yes, lately I have been doing this. I’ve been focusing on enjoying the whole experience instead of just engaging in “duty sex”. Thank you!


Awesome Sauce


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Justme127 said:


> Hi,
> I decided to create an account and post here since there’s a situation that’s getting out of hand in my marriage. We are a young couple and love each other deeply. However, I’ve been feeling like I’m not sexually attracted to my husband anymore.
> I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.
> There are some things he does around the house that turn me off (like making sounds with his body, walking naked all the time) and even though I’ve been open with him about it he thinks it’s just a joke and I also want him to feel free and comfortable at home.
> ...


.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Justme127 said:


> Guys, I want to make it clear that I’m not comparing my husband to anyone else. If I wanted to be with someone else that’s what I’d be doing instead of looking for guidance to fix the problems in my marriage. I do want to make it work and be on the same team as my husband. Just like we always have. The only reason why I brought up someone else is because I wanted to point out that I’ve had prior experience and knew exactly what I liked in sex. My husband knows how much I enjoy oral sex, but I can still sense it’s not his thing. He does it to please me but I don’t think he enjoys it. In fact, the day he made this comment as we were talking he mentioned I should be thankful because not every woman got as much oral as I did. Which made me feel he does it as a favor or as an obligation.
> I know no one is perfect and I accept him as a human. I just have no control over what turns me on. What can I do?
> Today he asked me if I was doing okay and said he could sense something was wrong. I told him I still had this issue in the back of my head. Once I shared my thoughts with him he didn’t say anything at all. He just went to take a shower and acted like nothing had happened after that. That’s no surprise. He usually avoid confrontation and hopes everything magically goes back to normal. I, on the other hand, can’t just ignore problems and spend a lot of energy trying to figure things out.


Sorry, but you are comparing your husband to other guys you had sexual encounters with prior to your marriage
*Before my husband, I had the opportunity to explore my sexuality with other partners and find out what I liked and didn’t like in bed. There’s one person in particular who played a big role in my life in that regard. With him, I was able to reach an orgasm for the first time and enjoy sex to the fullest. *
You also say your sexual desire for your husband have decreased and has become mundane and boring and seeing him walk naked around the house is a turn off..Translation means, you are no longer physically into your husband, he`s no longer doing it for you. My wife and I often walk around the house naked after taking a shower or getting up in the morning from bed, no problem.
You said, *I know no one is perfect and I accept him as a human. I just have no control over what turns me on. What can I do? *Good question because what are you going to do if unable to get that control with your husband other than go back to a pre marriage partying lifestyle.
You are 28 years old and about the same age as my first wife when she became bored in our relationship that led to her dumping me for a lover.
Maybe you don`t realise this at the moment but all it takes is for you to be in the right environment, had a few drinks maybe at a bar or party with friends or even a male coworker and you see a guy you like, you will cheat. Trust me on this one, I`ve seen this happen countless times during my lifetime and maybe why you`re finding faults with your husband looking for excuses to do so even if subconsciously, but it`s there.
You have 3 options: go to marriage counseling or see a sex therapist, accept your husband for who and what he is and try to make a go of your marriage or considering you are still a young woman and young enough to make a fresh start, leave.
No one can tell you what to do next, it`s up to what you want to do because it appears your husband is unable to fulfill the craving for your sexual desires and doubt he will or is able to change.
Can you foresee a future with your present husband, what have you decided is now your way forward? The ball is in your court.
I am by no means being harsh or insulting, I am only giving you the facts in the most realistic way possible,


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Justme127 said:


> Hi everyone,
> It’s been a few days since my last post so I guess I should give an update. When I first posted here I was hurt and sad about my husband’s comment. However, I now feel like it was a good thing that he brought up the issue because it gave me the opportunity to think about our intimacy, realize how much my sex drive had been decreasing and understand it was something I had to address asap. Couples can easily get caught up in work and other responsibilities and make up excuses for not being as sexually active as they used to be and I thing that happened to me. But once he made his comment I had to go deep and pay attention to something I was trying to ignore, and once *I found out what were the things that really bothered me and were affecting my sex drive* I knew I had to talk to him I just didn’t know how. So we finally had the conversation, I did my best to be kind and careful not to hurt his feelings but also communicate as openly as I could. Fortunately, he didn’t take it to heart. We come from different cultures so he understood *some things that were normal for him were not okay for me*. Ever since that conversation Things have been improving for us. I notice we both have been paying attention to the other person’s needs and requests and are having more fun in the bedroom.
> So, after having this experience my advice for anyone going through something similar is to communicate with their partners before they jump into divorce. Being married is not easy. But if there’s respect, love, communication and both people are willing to work on their marriage, I don’t see why not give it a shot. I was surprised to read so many comments from people here advising me to get a divorce.
> Also, hiding your feelings is not a smart decision either. You might help your partner feel better about themselves for a while but you’re not really helping them. They won’t be able to see the things they need to work on and that will continue to affect the relationship. I learned that it all goes back to an essential aspect in any type of relationship: Dealing with the hard conversations no one wants to have. That’s all. Be objective, do not make it about yourself, think of the other person’s feelings but let them know what’s going on because they can’t read your mind. Again, I appreciate you guys taking the time to read and comment here. I know everyone tried to share from their own experiences and I’m glad we have this space to share, learn and help each other.


Glad things are working out better for you both, would you mind sharing what were the things I bolded, they might help some of us.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

You have a lot to warn your husband about and you have to let him know you're serious.

There is nothing your husband can do about sex.

While you're still dreaming of the other guy's performance, it doesn't matter who you sleep with.

I hope you notice this


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> So he basically sucks in bed (and not in a good way), he's walks around naked farting and stuff, and is disgusting enough to blast his nasty morning breath in your face looking for more of that mediocre sex you so DON'T crave.
> 
> He sounds like a keeper.
> 
> ...


I find it kind of odd to be in love with and sexually attracted to someone, yet think it a turn off if they were to walk around the house naked. What makes being naked good or bad for you? I am truly curious, I never thought of this before. I couldn't even imagine seeing my wife walk by naked and thinking "I wish she would just go put something on".


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Once honey is had, all else tastes less sweet.

Life is not just honey, the best of the rest, sustains.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The OP has not posted here for 2 months.


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## Mj0081 (1 mo ago)

Justme127 said:


> Hi,
> I decided to create an account and post here since there’s a situation that’s getting out of hand in my marriage. We are a young couple and love each other deeply. However, I’ve been feeling like I’m not sexually attracted to my husband anymore.
> 
> I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.
> ...


A lot of people go through this.Keeping the attraction up and keeping sex fresh is a lot of work, but it’s worth it.
1. Talk to him about the things he does that you find unattractive. It’s a tough conversation and maybe you’d feel better doing so under the guidance of a couple’s therapist. 
2. Try some new things. Get a notebook and take turns writing out an intimate session in detail. He writes what he wants and puts it under your pillow. If you’re comfortable with it, make it happen within a few nights. Make him anticipate it. Then you write what you want and slip it under his pillow. On and on. 
3. Read idea how to turn him on more (he should be doing the same for you). Different techniques, different positions, different activities. Try to change it up. 
4. It’s possible that the sex life stuff is the issue or it’s a symptom of something else. Try some different things. Times in my 15 year marriage when we’ve had valleys, it wasn’t an attractiveness thing. It was one of us/both of us not meeting each others needs outside of the bedroom.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Justme127 said:


> Hi,
> I decided to create an account and post here since there’s a situation that’s getting out of hand in my marriage. We are a young couple and love each other deeply. However, I’ve been feeling like I’m not sexually attracted to my husband anymore.
> 
> I’ve always been a very sexual person and have considered intimacy and sex as a priority, but overtime I have noticed that my sex drive just continues to decrease. I feel like sex is just boring and monotonous.
> ...


Try reading "What Do Women Want?" By Daniel Bergner.

It has some great insights with real research and might help you with your situation.

What you're going through is apparently fairly common.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Whoops. Not a new one and I probably reposted the same advice.😂


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