# How to takle the situation JOB LOSS before getting married?



## jmohan (Jan 20, 2015)

Hi, I was working as a software engineer in a company. due to my bad performance (due to my fever and pressure of job),in the organization, I lose my present job at January 15,2015. I am going to be married by next month feb,2014. but I have two months notice period until march,15,2015. The company offered to search a job until march, 15. If I got job within march 15,2015, I can get relieving letter from the present company. Presently, I am searching job. But Bride family thought that I am working in that company. So far, I did not tell anything about my job loss to my family and bride family. How to tackle this situation. Please help me. Shall I tell my job loss to my family or both my family and bride's family?
Please advice me, I am at very critical situation.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

How unfortunate. Hope you can get a new job soon. I assume you told your bride just not your families? What does she say? 

The bottom line is that its really between the two of you but if the wedding needs to be postponed both you and your bride together should sit down with both your families and tell them.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I would postpone.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Since your family and Bride's family are involved in the arrangements, you need to tell everyone.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You really don't have any choice but to tell your bride as well as anyone else involved in the wedding. I wouldn't take on a bride without a job and I would be pretty upset if someone deceived my daughter into marrying them though they were unemployed. Dishonesty isn't a great foundation on which to build any relationship.
If she's a woman worth marrying, she will be patient, understanding, and supportive. Once you are married, there will be other challenges in your life. If she can't handle this little piece of bad news, she's unlikely to handle the truly bad stuff that occasionally pops up in life. We get married so we'll have a partner to walk with us through the bad times as well as the good, to make us better and stronger than we would be alone. Her parents might not be thrilled that you've lost this job but you will gain respect for being honest and for being a man and doing what is right, especially when it is embarrassing or difficult. 
After you tell her the truth, I'd make a plan to learn how to better handle stress. All jobs come with stress and so do wives, kids, and bills. 
I know this all feels like awful news to you but you have been given a huge gift that most people don't get. You and your bride both have the chance to see how each other handles a significant life challenge. Most people only find out after they are married what their spouse is made of. If it helps you make a truly wise mate decision, it would be worth losing fifty jobs.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your fiancée does know, right? And yes, I think your parents and her parents should know. My contract wasn't renewed back in the middle of December, and my SO, her family, and my family all were told the day that I found out. Frankly, your network is crucial to finding a job, and your families are part of that network. 

And you need to figure out how you can avoid this happening again. 

C


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

OP, is a dowry involved in your wedding?

I imagine that telling her family would mean the wedding is off.

I would still be open about it but I can guess that the consequences may be bigger than just the wedding postponement.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

The real situation seems to be not so much that you lost your job, but more that you could not handle the stress of your occupation (at least not at your old employer).

That matters because in this economy job losses are common. You get another, do the best you can, and move on with life. You don't have to postpone the marriage unless you have not set aside the money for it.

But, software engineering can be a high-pressure, high-pay job (at least if you work for a shop like Google). If you cannot meet her expectations then your fiancée needs to know this. You would like to believe that she would marry you anyways. But, for some people money matters a great deal and while Jmohan making a good living at ABC company is attractive, Jmohan making 20% less might not look so good to her.

Bottom line: be honest with yourself and understand why you are being dismissed. Consider the implications for your career. Was it something beyond your control? Or is it a matter of not having the right talents (like not being as good an engineer as you imagined, or the better jobs wanting more effort and dedication than you can provide)? What are the implications for your career.

Figure this all out and then tell her everything. You don't want there to be any misunderstanding that will breed resentment in the future.


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