# Wish he would appreciate how much I give



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

He still works near OW1.
He gives rides to female co-workers to other banks (some an hour away). He handed me a pair of lady sunglasses from his car when he cleaned it out. I said they weren't mine. He said he'd ask around at the bank to see if they were "Sue" or "Jane's."
Do I think anything is going on? No.
Do I think I'm being pretty damn understanding? Ah yeah.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Really not ok and not going to get better. Please file and get peace and healing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sounds like they don't mean anything to him, though, either. But I get that it grates.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

stephscarlett said:


> He still works near OW1.
> *He gives rides to female co-workers to other banks (some an hour away).* He handed me a pair of lady sunglasses from his car when he cleaned it out. I said they weren't mine. He said he'd ask around at the bank to see if they were "Sue" or "Jane's."
> Do I think anything is going on? No.
> Do I think I'm being pretty damn understanding? Ah yeah.


Why? Can't anyone else do it? Is it part of his job?

How many APs has he had?


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

My cheating husband's mistress deliberately left items in his car so I WOULD see them. Just another point of view.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

We teach people how to treat us. If you keep letting things slide, your husband will continue to 'drive around' women...and so on. What a joke. I can't imagine being married to some of these clowns that I've been reading about on here! Gosh, you are all worth so much more than how you are permitting your spouses to treat you. But you've allowed yourselves to accept SO much less than you deserve.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

I do trust him. I'm not sure what the issue is. It's that I am a former WW and I wouldn't do this. Not without him first knowing about a ride beforehand. 
They all share rides... 
We just have different ways of going about it. In his head, The affairs are behind us so no need to do things differently, but in my head, we should do things differently from here on out , because of what happened...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You may be ok with it now, he may not be interested in any of them now but this is one of the ways affairs start, the cosy regular lifts to the office, the time spent together, the accidental touch of the hand, etc. I know of a recent case where a loyal H took a lady to church every Sunday as she didn't have a lift, (the wife agreed and went in separate car with their many kids). All started out innocent but unfortunately it did not end that way, they ended up having an affair and the wife was devastated and never got over it, in fact the couple are estranged.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

I am not trying to attack you my Lady,but why do you allow him all of this ?

Tell him to give you a ride,not this other women. He is spending almost one hour with them after his job is done. Imagine what he could do for you in that time ? 

If he really loves you then he should stop doing it. It is hurting you and he can see it,but he is not ready to help you or put you in the first place. 

Stay strong.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

It's during the job. When they go to meetings at other banks. Not after work.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Affairs dont begin in the bedroom. They begin with rides home, coffe dates etc. 

Squash this behavour now hard and fast.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> I do trust him.


Pfft.... Why? Are you a sadist?

He wants to pretend like it never happened....

FILE and remind him that's a luxury he can no longer afford.

You are your own worse enemy. STOP enabling his behavior.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I was going to type a big long reply about how you need to smarten up and start valuing yourself and quit letting him get away with this sh!t but then I decided I can't be bothered because it's the same old same old that never ends and apparently a lot of BS's don't want to hear anyway.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

Giving someone a ride in a car is "getting away with something?" 
I already know he does this. He's not hiding it. It's just that I have to accept it as part and parcel of his job. And I would like him to appreciate that.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> Giving someone a ride in a car is "getting away with something?"
> I already know he does this. He's not hiding it. It's just that I have to accept it as part and parcel of his job. And I would like him to appreciate that.


If it makes you uncomfortable that he's carting around girls in his car tell him to change positions or change jobs. Who gives a fvck if it's an inconvenience for him to do that?!? I'm sure him cheating on you was pretty damn inconvenient.

Stop being so damn spineless.... It's not about him anymore it's about YOU. If it makes YOU uncomfortable then HE needs to do the heavy lifting to fix it. It's called HEAVY lifting for a reason.

As long as you continue to make weak ass excuses to yourself and to us then you will forever be just be a walking victim card no one, especially your WH, will have any respect for. 

You have all the power in to fix this. You simply lack the will to do so. Go get some individual counseling and work on your self respect.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

wow, people are really harsh here. I've been in IC for years. EVERY SINGLE THERAPIST has said it's time to trust him again and have you both live your lives without having to worry about things.
IT doesn't make me uncomfortable. I don't know why people can comprehend that. It makes me feel like I'm being very giving, as most BS wouldn't allow this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

How many therapists have you had? Most therapists - the majority in fact - have NO clue what really needs to be done to get over infidelity.

Read the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass then come back and we'll talk.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

I've read that book several times.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> Wish he would appreciate how much I give


In other words... you want him to appreciate what a doormat you are.

If it didn't bother you then you wouldn't be "asking" for his appreciation right? 

I mean what's to appreciate? He's just doing his job, sitting in a confined space for hours on end with flirty women who intentionally leave things behind and a weak moral compass.

Stop lying to yourself....

Maybe you should give less and he should give MORE.

Food for thought. Good luck. Hopefully, you'll wake up.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

stephscarlett said:


> I've read that book several times.


Well then read it again and actually pay attention to it, because you obviously do NOT get it.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

BetrayedDad;15081425sitting in a confined space for hours on end with flirty women .[/QUOTE said:


> who said they were flirty?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> who said they were flirty?


Ignore the prior advice I gave you...

Maybe it is better if you keep your head deep in the sand where it's been.

You're clearly an "ignorance is bliss" type.


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