# Leather Pants



## John Smith (Jan 25, 2020)

I have been married for 2 years now. I love my husband dearly. He's so good to me. He would do anything for me and I know he wants me to be comfortable in our marriage. He really is doing everything for me as I'm in my first year of medical school and he's supporting me as I quit both my jobs. That's HUGE to me. But there's one thing that has been a problem since we started dating that I can't seem the get over.

Sometimes he wears these wildly inappropriate, skin tight pleather pants. Not only are they hideous, they're so unprofessional and he will go as far as wearing them to work .😣😣 This has been something that has been going on since we started dating, but it was kinda hidden from me at the time.. When I found out about these pleather pants, I never knew he would actually wear them to good job as an accounting assistant. Then we got married and I tried to look past them. Eventually I had enough and scolded him about wearing them. He once wanted to wear them to a young girl's graduation from high school... It was almost 100º outside.

He eventually decided to give them all away because I was complaining about them. When he finally did "give them away" he revealed to me that they make him feel sexy. 😔😔 I felt like a bad partner and told him that I didn't have any right to take that away from him. Then he revealed that he left them with a friend to "give away". I finally buckled and said he could bring them back if that's what he wanted. And he brought ALL OF THEM back. When that happened, it made me think that he really had no intention of completely giving them away.

Now this morning, he was scurrying around the house getting ready for work and trying to avoid my line of sight. I thought it was kinda odd and when he came to kiss me goodbye, I saw it was because he was wearing the tightest ones. He gave me a brief kiss in the lips and zipped out the bedroom. I said, "are you really wearing those to work??" And he said, "yeah, why...?" But then bid me farewell and made his escape as I decided not to take it and further.

We have been having problems in the bedroom for the last month. We are young-ish (in our early 30's) and should probably be wanting to be doing the deed like bunnies. I'm afraid to do anything to negatively affect our marriage and especially our sex life since it's on the rocks. But I feel that this pant-situation is so.... "ugh....".

What should I do? Do I encourage this? Am I too high strung? Is it my fault that we are having problems in the bed? How should I manage this? There are things that make me feel sexy too that I don't do bc is just inappropriate.... What do I do?? Please help.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Pictures or it didn’t happen. 

I’m just joking. To me pleather plants are gross on men. I would 100% not let my partner wear them.
Why do you need to walk around feeling sexy at a young girls graduation? I find that weird.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I can't imagine that the people he works with haven't already teased him enough about this to make him stop wearing them. 

Also if these are real leather pants, they can't be washed and they are going to not smell the greatest. 

I understand why they make him feel sexy. And I personally have a thing for musicians and leather pants and always have had since I was 12. But that's why I know how impractical they are in the real world. You might at least get him some washable fake leather ones because they do make some really decent looking fake leather these days unlike in the old days of pleather. Also be sure he is taking those to the cleaners at least or using saddle soap on them or something. 

He must think he looks really hot in them. he will surely get to the point where he knows he doesn't look good in them unless this happens to be a genuine fetish where he just likes leather. How would he feel about it if you wore leather? Have you tried just buying a leather skirt or something like that? of course if he has an actual fetish that might just be opening up a can of worms where he would want to wear it too.

He should have better sense than to wear that to work though. Is his a successful business or is he struggling?


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## John Smith (Jan 25, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can't imagine that the people he works with haven't already teased him enough about this to make him stop wearing them.
> 
> Also if these are real leather pants, they can't be washed and they are going to not smell the greatest.
> 
> ...


Well, first off, we are a gay couple and I personally don't like wearing skirts. I would never wear leather pants either. 

I think in my thread, I mentioned he had PLEATHER pants (plastic leather) I.e. Not real. Sorry if I confused anyone. So, we can put the saddle soap idea to rest.

Idk if he had a fetish. He's never mentioned it. And I've never seen anything to indicate so.

He works for a big company as a comptroller's assistant. There's really no struggle at his place of work. And we are doing well financially. I'm not sure where you might be going with this. Please enlighten me. It might shed light on something I haven't thought about yet.


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## John Smith (Jan 25, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Pictures or it didn’t happen.
> 
> I’m just joking. To me pleather plants are gross on men. I would 100% not let my partner wear them.
> Why do you need to walk around feeling sexy at a young girls graduation? I find that weird.


I'm glad I'm not the only one. But I don't know if I'm being too picky.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

John Smith said:


> Well, first off, we are a gay couple and I personally don't like wearing skirts. I would never wear leather pants either.
> 
> I think in my thread, I mentioned he had PLEATHER pants (plastic leather) I.e. Not real. Sorry if I confused anyone. So, we can put the saddle soap idea to rest.
> 
> ...


So are they washable at least? I guess if his work thought they were a problem, they'd inform him of a new dress code. Where I was going was trying to see if this was actually holding him back. I mean, it does seem like the workplace would think it odd, unless, of course, he does accounting only for a bar or something like that. It is hard to imagine anyone in an accounting office with pleather pants on. But then you should see some of the atrocities some of the women I've worked with had on, skin tight polyester worn out clothing 3 sizes too small for them that they must have had since high school, for example. My boss didn't say anything about that, but he also didn't promote any of them out of the back office to where they'd be seeing clients. He did put his foot down about sweat pants quite firmly. 

So I'm sort of trying to determine if he thinks other think he's sexy in the pleather pants or if it's just a sort of fetish where he just likes the feel of them on him and it makes him feel sexy (in the office!) kind of like how wearing women's underwear secretly makes some men feel sexy, even if no one ever sees them. 

Because since he knows YOU do not find them sexy and in fact find them offensive, who is he doing this for, unless it is just a little fetish of his that does not require partner participation. I'd hate to think of my man going to the office feeling all sexy. 

He now knows you do not find it sexy. Maybe at some point in the past, he had a lot of fun wearing those type pants and is convinced they make him look great, but again, for whom?


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## John Smith (Jan 25, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So are they washable at least? I guess if his work thought they were a problem, they'd inform him of a new dress code. Where I was going was trying to see if this was actually holding him back. I mean, it does seem like the workplace would think it odd, unless, of course, he does accounting only for a bar or something like that. It is hard to imagine anyone in an accounting office with pleather pants on. But then you should see some of the atrocities some of the women I've worked with had on, skin tight polyester worn out clothing 3 sizes too small for them that they must have had since high school, for example. My boss didn't say anything about that, but he also didn't promote any of them out of the back office to where they'd be seeing clients. He did put his foot down about sweat pants quite firmly.
> 
> So I'm sort of trying to determine if he thinks other think he's sexy in the pleather pants or if it's just a sort of fetish where he just likes the feel of them on him and it makes him feel sexy (in the office!) kind of like how wearing women's underwear secretly makes some men feel sexy, even if no one ever sees them.
> 
> ...


 I really didn't think about that. I know that there is one guy at the office who he said was really muscular and I think he may have mentioned that he was handsome. I can't imagine that he would wear something like that to appeal to somebody else. But that is something to keep in mind. So I appreciate you bringing that to my attention. 

And you're right, it also may be something that just makes him feel sexy. But I do think that it is important to feel confident when you go into your workplace and if that means that you dress in something that makes you feel secure and powerful, maybe that's his security and power. 

It is not anything that I am going to pitch to him because he should be able to verbalize this by himself. I just want an honest answer and I feel like I'm scraping from the bottom of the barrel. It might just be something I need to get over.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Buy him a pair of real leather pants.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I’m going to go ahead and say this is a do as I say not as I do because I generally dress like I am in high school or junior high. I do own decent clothes and wear them occasionally but normally I wear track pants and heavy metal shirts and hoodies including to work because I wouldn’t work at a job where I couldn’t.

Now in terms of tightness I just bought a couple pairs of Origin jeans because of their Black Friday sale. When I got them my wife asked me to try them on and they are tight. Like the tightest jeans I own by a mile. Can see my quads and also sadly my junk. My wife said they looked good but they’re going away for a looooooong time. So the fact your husband wears tight like that means he must be really built or is delusional; the first one is good (for you) the second maybe not so good.

What I would do when Covid lightens up is get tickets to a rock or metal show or even go to a rock club. Tight leather is commonly worn at these events and will not be out of place. In fact maybe pick up a pair for yourself.

Go shopping with him and find some work appropriate pants. For me on a trip to visit another company this would be either relaxed fit jeans or something like Dockers. When my wife has taken an interest in dressing me generally I have liked it and this is a way to gauge his interest.

Over time I have gradually changed my wife’s wardrobe to incorporate heavy metal shirts by buying them for her sporadically. So you can attempt the same thing with work appropriate pants. You could also try maybe picking him up a pair of those Origin jeans; more societally acceptable than leather.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

John Smith said:


> I have been married for 2 years now. I love my husband dearly. He's so good to me. He would do anything for me and I know he wants me to be comfortable in our marriage. He really is doing everything for me as I'm in my first year of medical school and he's supporting me as I quit both my jobs. That's HUGE to me. But there's one thing that has been a problem since we started dating that I can't seem the get over.
> 
> Sometimes he wears these wildly inappropriate, skin tight pleather pants. Not only are they hideous, they're so unprofessional and he will go as far as wearing them to work .😣😣 This has been something that has been going on since we started dating, but it was kinda hidden from me at the time.. When I found out about these pleather pants, I never knew he would actually wear them to good job as an accounting assistant. Then we got married and I tried to look past them. Eventually I had enough and scolded him about wearing them. He once wanted to wear them to a young girl's graduation from high school... It was almost 100º outside.
> 
> ...


This gives me a good chuckle. When we lived in Boston we had a gay couple who lived one floor up from us. We use to have building dinner parties where all 4 units were invited and we alternated hosting duties. One time when were hosting one of the guys came down first walked in and said "Peter and his fudging pleather pants will be down in a minute" The guy in the couple who lived below us was in a well known rock band, after we had all had a few drinks he went down to his place grabbed a guitar and came back. He then did an acoustic version of YMCA but changed the words to be about getting rid of the pleather pants. I almost passed out I was laughing so hard. Peter still rocks pleather pants 15 years later, he's now almost 60. 

IMO putting in the context of my marriage, I would be unwise to tell my wife to stop wearing something she liked. If a pair of pants are causing a rift in your marriage I think you need to dig deeper and see if there is something else bothering you that you might be taking out on the pants. 

Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said, young man, put those pants on the ground
I said, young man, 'cause you look like a clown
There's no need to be unhappy

Young man, there's a place you can go
I said, young man, theres lots of pants in the stough
You can surely find, ones that aren't pleather.
Many pairs to wear and look good.

DU DU DU DU

It's fun to wear skiiiiinny jeans
I said to wear skiiiinnny jeans

Something like that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

John Smith said:


> I really didn't think about that. I know that there is one guy at the office who he said was really muscular and I think he may have mentioned that he was handsome. I can't imagine that he would wear something like that to appeal to somebody else. But that is something to keep in mind. So I appreciate you bringing that to my attention.
> 
> And you're right, it also may be something that just makes him feel sexy. But I do think that it is important to feel confident when you go into your workplace and if that means that you dress in something that makes you feel secure and powerful, maybe that's his security and power.
> 
> It is not anything that I am going to pitch to him because he should be able to verbalize this by himself. I just want an honest answer and I feel like I'm scraping from the bottom of the barrel. It might just be something I need to get over.


Do you think he's ever been into rough sex in the past, where he might be wearing them hoping the muscular guy at the office was gay and into that? Because you know an old term for that is "leather boys." 

Yes, let's hope he just thinks he looks his best in them, but geez, how can he not look around the office and see that no one else dresses that way and that it is inappropriate or maybe something for "casual Friday"? 

I agree with CCPowerslave up there about these fitting in in the rock world, and I'm sure they fit in many places in different gay bars as well. But I used to work in music, and still no one was wearing their leather in the actual office. 

I mean, maybe now that he knows you 1) don't care for them or think they're sexy or 2) think they're inappropriate, maybe that will slowly make him slow down wearing them without sacrificing his pride or losing the argument exactly. I'd wait and see. 

And like CCP says up there, a lot of those type pants, you can definitely see the junk. Just be certain he's at least wearing good underwear under them! But he may not because may be able to see the lines. Ack.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I mean it’s not professional work attire. Plus yuck.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Does he really look as good in them as he thinks he does? Because if not, it might behoove you to take a butt shot of him going out the door, or whatever angle is worst, and leave it laying around. This should be preceeded with a flurry of unrelated photo taking of course so you get away with it. 

In the alternative, if you get a Ring Doorbell and set it to detect motion, not just wait for the ring, then each time he enters or leaves the house, it will take a video of it and you can share that with him just in passing and see if she STILL thinks it's sexy. Just a thought.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

John Smith said:


> I have been married for 2 years now. I love my husband dearly. He's so good to me. He would do anything for me and I know he wants me to be comfortable in our marriage. He really is doing everything for me as I'm in my first year of medical school and he's supporting me as I quit both my jobs. That's HUGE to me. But there's one thing that has been a problem since we started dating that I can't seem the get over.
> 
> Sometimes he wears these wildly inappropriate, skin tight pleather pants. Not only are they hideous, they're so unprofessional and he will go as far as wearing them to work .😣😣 This has been something that has been going on since we started dating, but it was kinda hidden from me at the time.. When I found out about these pleather pants, I never knew he would actually wear them to good job as an accounting assistant. Then we got married and I tried to look past them. Eventually I had enough and scolded him about wearing them. He once wanted to wear them to a young girl's graduation from high school... It was almost 100º outside.
> 
> ...


Every woman is a terrible victim. Every single one
Some because they are beaten (serious), some because their husband is tired after doing housework and a job. 
You are in the latter catagory of being very lucky.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

The act of purging, false purging, hiding the clothes is common in clothing fetish. It is also a pretty good indicator of how likely it is that he will "get over" this. I'm going to be chuckling over the leather skirt comment for weeks.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I didn't know it was a guy, thought it was a woman. But glad it gave you a nice laugh. 

So any chance he is going to the bars on the way home from work or at lunch or anything?


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

John Smith said:


> I have been married for 2 years now. I love my husband dearly. He's so good to me. He would do anything for me and I know he wants me to be comfortable in our marriage. He really is doing everything for me as I'm in my first year of medical school and he's supporting me as I quit both my jobs. That's HUGE to me. But there's one thing that has been a problem since we started dating that I can't seem the get over.
> 
> Sometimes he wears these wildly inappropriate, skin tight pleather pants. Not only are they hideous, they're so unprofessional and he will go as far as wearing them to work .😣😣 This has been something that has been going on since we started dating, but it was kinda hidden from me at the time.. When I found out about these pleather pants, I never knew he would actually wear them to good job as an accounting assistant. Then we got married and I tried to look past them. Eventually I had enough and scolded him about wearing them. He once wanted to wear them to a young girl's graduation from high school... It was almost 100º outside.
> 
> ...


 I would let this one go. You tried. You voiced your opinion on him frequently or always wearing his faux leather pants and he disagrees. You are at this point in being controlling territory and that well might be one of the reasons your hubby hasn't been feeling like being sexual with you. You need to drop the pleather pants issue and have an honest conversation with your hubby about your sex life.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

John Smith said:


> *Well, first off, we are a gay couple *and I personally don't like wearing skirts. I would never wear leather pants either.
> 
> I think in my thread, I mentioned he had PLEATHER pants (plastic leather) I.e. Not real. Sorry if I confused anyone. So, we can put the saddle soap idea to rest.
> 
> ...


I was going to suggest this...

You outed yourselves, saving me the trouble!

Many women wear tight tops to accentuate their trim waist and their breasts and nipples.

Some gay men do so to accentuate their package.
To many gay men, their package is their identity.

They then do not have to wear a sign saying, "I'm gay".
And, I'm proud of it.

Most workplaces are very reluctant to say 'something' for fear of being sued.

He loves the looks, the envious ones and the disgusted ones.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

John Smith said:


> I have been married for 2 years now. I love my husband dearly. He's so good to me. He would do anything for me and I know he wants me to be comfortable in our marriage. He really is doing everything for me as I'm in my first year of medical school and he's supporting me as I quit both my jobs. That's HUGE to me. But there's one thing that has been a problem since we started dating that I can't seem the get over.
> 
> Sometimes he wears these wildly inappropriate, skin tight pleather pants. Not only are they hideous, they're so unprofessional and he will go as far as wearing them to work .😣😣 This has been something that has been going on since we started dating, but it was kinda hidden from me at the time.. When I found out about these pleather pants, I never knew he would actually wear them to good job as an accounting assistant. Then we got married and I tried to look past them. Eventually I had enough and scolded him about wearing them. He once wanted to wear them to a young girl's graduation from high school... It was almost 100º outside.
> 
> ...


In the end this is a very minor issue compared to all that you could be putting up with. I'm happy for you that this is the worst you have to put up with. This question is, is this something that will drive you away with the consistency of it? If so, but occasional wearing would be tolerable (although I doubt ever accepted), then you need to talk it over and find a compromise. This is something he feels comfortable in. My wives would love for me to wear shorts, but I all but refuse, even on really hot days (although I occasionally break on hot AND humid days). I'm not comfortable in them. Does the pleather turn you off, depress your sex drive? If so point that out. Again make a compromise. You were correct in saying that you didn't have the right to take it away from him, but likewise he doesn't have to right to overwhelm you with them. You need to find the middle ground.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

John Smith said:


> I have been married for 2 years now. I love my husband dearly. He's so good to me. He would do anything for me and I know he wants me to be comfortable in our marriage. He really is doing everything for me as I'm in my first year of medical school and he's supporting me as I quit both my jobs. That's HUGE to me. But there's one thing that has been a problem since we started dating that I can't seem the get over.
> 
> Sometimes he wears these wildly inappropriate, skin tight pleather pants. Not only are they hideous, they're so unprofessional and he will go as far as wearing them to work .😣😣 This has been something that has been going on since we started dating, but it was kinda hidden from me at the time.. When I found out about these pleather pants, I never knew he would actually wear them to good job as an accounting assistant. Then we got married and I tried to look past them. Eventually I had enough and scolded him about wearing them. He once wanted to wear them to a young girl's graduation from high school... It was almost 100º outside.
> 
> ...


My God, I wish SO MUCH that your husband worked at my job!! That would make my life like 10% better.

Now since he is gay I suspect everyone is afraid to say something as to not offend him. It's a shame he doesn't work with me. First we would become friends for sure, but then I would tease him mercilessly. God it would be glorious! Reminds me of Ross with the paste. One of the best moments on television ever.

Where does he work exactly that he can get away with that?

Your husband just need to learn what really is sexy and what is sexy to you do you tell him?

I know you are a guy but women do this all the time with men. The just subtly teach them how to dress better. I don't really know how they do it but they do. Lots of guys have no idea, and despite what the media says being Gay doesn't automatically make you know all about fashion or even what looks good on you. I suggest you asks some long time married women how they taught their husbands how to dress.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

sokillme said:


> My God, I wish SO MUCH that your husband worked at my job!! That would make my life like 10% better.
> 
> Now since he is gay I suspect everyone is afraid to say something as to not offend him. It's a shame he doesn't work with me. First we would become friends for sure, but then I would tease him mercilessly. God it would be glorious! Reminds me of Ross with the paste. One of the best moments on television ever.
> 
> ...


I really like the idea of shopping together for a pair of real leather pants if he’ll agree to ditch the pleather. Caveat: ONE pair 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I really like the idea of shopping together for a pair of real leather pants if he’ll agree to ditch the pleather. Caveat: ONE pair
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Wearing them to work might be a stretch. 

See what I did there?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mr The Other said:


> Every woman is a terrible victim. Every single one
> Some because they are beaten (serious), some because their husband is tired after doing housework and a job.
> You are in the latter catagory of being very lucky.


Except they are a male gay couple.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@John Smith Have you considered counselling and perhaps a stylist to look at how you both dress?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

John Smith said:


> I have been married for 2 years now. I love my husband dearly. He's so good to me. He would do anything for me and I know he wants me to be comfortable in our marriage. He really is doing everything for me as I'm in my first year of medical school and he's supporting me as I quit both my jobs. That's HUGE to me. But there's one thing that has been a problem since we started dating that I can't seem the get over.
> 
> Sometimes he wears these wildly inappropriate, skin tight pleather pants. ....... This has been something that has been going on since we started dating, but it was kinda hidden from me at the time.. When I found out about these pleather pants, I never knew he would actually wear them to good job as an accounting assistant. Then we got married and I tried to look past them. Eventually I had enough and scolded him about wearing them. He once wanted to wear them to a young girl's graduation from high school... It was almost 100º outside.
> 
> ...


What do you do? First you need to understand that you can't change your husband, only he can change himself.

You also need to understand that you are his "partner" and not his mother. If you persist in trying to be his mother, he will start viewing you that way, which may have already happened. You want to be his "partner" and lover not his mother.

You knew about it before you were married. He has been a good husband to you. Live with it. He is not your Ken Doll that you get to dress up, he is the man you agreed to marry. No matter how much you want him to be the eye candy on your arm as you move through the world of adulthood, he is the man you agreed to marry and you knew him before.

Figure out how the two of you can learn to live with it. Maybe you can find some really stylish leather for him and for you and both figure out how to wear them at certain events or date nights and reserve it for special occasions. If it is his thing, find out how to at least incorporate it into the life you share, even if it is not everyday.

I see this as much more your problem than his.

Good luck.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

I used to wear black leather pants in college. Loved them. I got a lot of compliments.  They weren’t tight, more like straight, and not shiny.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

So are they washable! Are they washed regularly?

Do they stink inside? Does he stink after he's worn them?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I'd put this in the "not the hill to die on" category. Support him the way he supports you. Even if you hate the pants. It's a real blow to our sense of self worth when those with whom we are most vulnerable ridicule the things we like. 

He knows how you feel. He doesn't appear to be in danger of losing his job over it. It's not hurting anyone. Let it go and let him enjoy the pants


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

John Smith said:


> I have been married for 2 years now. I love my husband dearly. He's so good to me. He would do anything for me and I know he wants me to be comfortable in our marriage. He really is doing everything for me as I'm in my first year of medical school and he's supporting me as I quit both my jobs. That's HUGE to me. But there's one thing that has been a problem since we started dating that I can't seem the get over.
> 
> Sometimes he wears these wildly inappropriate, skin tight pleather pants. Not only are they hideous, they're so unprofessional and he will go as far as wearing them to work . This has been something that has been going on since we started dating, but it was kinda hidden from me at the time.. When I found out about these pleather pants, I never knew he would actually wear them to good job as an accounting assistant. Then we got married and I tried to look past them. Eventually I had enough and scolded him about wearing them. He once wanted to wear them to a young girl's graduation from high school... It was almost 100º outside.
> 
> ...


He's wearing them for attention from someone else.


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