# Married boss at work keeps trying to initiate a relationship with me



## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

ok this sounds really frustrating but I think I will need to find a new job.

My boss in his 40s, who is married to his wife (8 yrs older than him) with 2 children has been trying to hit onto me all the time recently.

He has offered me a lift home in his car and tries to treat me nicely (e.g pay for my lunch etc) but it has not worked his magic on me.

As much as the male says that sex is a neccessity, I think that is just getting overboard now beacuse of his marital status.

Anyway, I am in a relationship with a girl right now and I wonder if it maybe my boss having a fetish with that?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

"Wow! LUNCH? You know, they have a GREAT restaurant in the Hilton! I've always wanted to try it. You too? Isn't that amazing. I'll make the reservations for three. Oh, you DOG you! No, I'm not bringing my girlfriend. I'm calling your wife. We can talk about ALL the time you spend around my desk. Hmm? You aren't free today? What a shame...."

If you are really ballsy, you don't tell him you are inviting his wife. If you think you need to look for another job anyway, have some fun with that.

A quick stop by human resources (if it's that large a company) may also be 'enlightening'.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

yes its just lunch...lol
but its his way of doing 'nice' things for me...
just shows what a stingy person he is ?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

First off, there's no need for you to lose your job because your boss is being inappropriate. You can file a complaint with human resources.

Document what he's doing.

Also if it feels inappropriate then it likely is. Tell him you're uncomfortable but do it in writing and keep a dated copy for your self in case he doesn't treat you right afterward.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

thanks thundarr,
but my boss is also the owner of the company so there is no way I can file a complaint to HR. 


I doubt he can take care of himself properly either.
apparently, there was an incident where he went for a dinner, lost his wallet and phones on the way back home in a cab, so he had to come back to the office, without keys so couldn't get in, slept outside the office entrance.

he constantly overspends - racks up $25k on his AMEX card every month

This kind of a guy I would never marry anyway even if he is single


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

He's bought you lunch and given you a lift home. Hmmm I'm guilty of the same thing I'm afraid. I bought one of my team lunch on a couple of occasions and lent them lots of DVDs. I suppose that makes me inappropriate as well especially considering that we are both married. I don't know though, as nice as they are Im just not sexually attracted to him.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

If you know that he is trying to initiate something and not simply being nice, you might want to check out the laws on sexual harassment in your country.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Does your boss treat other employees the same as you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Nigel said:


> He's bought you lunch and given you a lift home. Hmmm I'm guilty of the same thing I'm afraid. I bought one of my team lunch on a couple of occasions and lent them lots of DVDs. I suppose that makes me inappropriate as well especially considering that we are both married. I don't know though, as nice as they are Im just not sexually attracted to him.


Your a guy. You said "him". So if your comparing one-on-one time between a married guy with a guy to one-on-one time between a married man with a young woman then you've missed the point completely.

Also in this case sheep's phrasing sounds suspicious like she's evaluated this guy for potential of being a good catch. I'm not buying the innocent act on her part. I think some leading on has occurred. I'm pretty recent_cloud thinks the same thing as well.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Well if you weren't so beautiful maybe he'd lay off? My advice is to be ugly immediately. Just kidding. 

Its pretty easy. Avoid contact with him that will leave you alone together.


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Your a guy. You said "him". So if your comparing one-on-one time between a married guy with a guy to one-on-one time between a married man with a young woman then you've missed the point completely.
> 
> Also in this case sheep's phrasing sounds suspicious like she's evaluated this guy for potential of being a good catch. I'm not buying the innocent act on her part. I think some leading on has occurred. I'm pretty recent_cloud thinks the same thing as well.


Actually I don't think I did miss the point. I was well aware that the ops post referred to a man and woman situation. I was being ironic! I think there is far too much suspicion of good intentions and acts of kindness/ friendliness on this site at times.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

Nigel said:


> He's bought you lunch and given you a lift home. Hmmm I'm guilty of the same thing I'm afraid. I bought one of my team lunch on a couple of occasions and lent them lots of DVDs. I suppose that makes me inappropriate as well especially considering that we are both married. I don't know though, as nice as they are Im just not sexually attracted to him.


yes that is what I am confused at... What do men think about 'the line'? 

is this line drawn differently between men and women? 

Would he see it as just friendly? or has he already assumed that a 'relationship' is already in the tracks?


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Well if you weren't so beautiful maybe he'd lay off? My advice is to be ugly immediately. Just kidding.
> 
> Its pretty easy. Avoid contact with him that will leave you alone together.


funny enough, my colleague in my ex- company used to wear these odd looking glasses to deliberately piss off her boss lol.


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

bahbahsheep said:


> yes that is what I am confused at... What do men think about 'the line'?
> 
> is this line drawn differently between men and women?
> 
> Would he see it as just friendly? or has he already assumed that a 'relationship' is already in the tracks?



Each individual is different and I've learned it's wrong to try and second guess people's intentions. I'm a fairly friendly person who would do lots of things for relative strangers male and female. I do this because I like helping people and it makes me feel good at the same time. It doesn't even occur to me that people may think that i Have ulterior motives about my actions, because well, I don't!

This guy may have ulterior motives but on the basis of the information so far I'd say there is no evidence to back this up. If he suddenly try's to kiss, touch or suggest a dirty weekend away with this girl then that is the time to say enough.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Why do you think he is trying to initiate a relationship ? He could be but maybe he is just nice. Does he have a history of doing such stuff ? Just avoid situations that you might think are inappropriate.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

On the surface, just by analysing the actions you've presented it seems pretty harmless. But a womans intuition is second to none. If you feel like he's interested chances are he probably is.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Nigel said:


> Actually I don't think I did miss the point. I was well aware that the ops post referred to a man and woman situation. I was being ironic! I think there is far too much suspicion of good intentions and acts of kindness/ friendliness on this site at times.


There is too much suspicion here due to baggage we all bring as well as us not knowing the full details.

You still compared man-man friendship to man-woman friendship. Sorry but it's not a valid comparison.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

He is just a a f***ing twat.

his attitude to work and to others. 

He thinks that I have the responsiblity to remind him of things that he has forgotten to do or else I am not competent.

He doesn't want to play by the rules and tries to get small benefits / luxuries in life by having staff members do the dirty work for him so he can enjoy life. 

A failure, he will readily blame the one below and that is beacuse he is the owner of the company. :scratchhead:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

JCD said:


> "Wow! LUNCH? You know, they have a GREAT restaurant in the Hilton! I've always wanted to try it. You too? Isn't that amazing. I'll make the reservations for three. Oh, you DOG you! No, I'm not bringing my girlfriend. I'm calling your wife. We can talk about ALL the time you spend around my desk. Hmm? You aren't free today? What a shame...."
> 
> *If you are really ballsy, you don't tell him you are inviting his wife. * If you think you need to look for another job anyway, have some fun with that.
> 
> A quick stop by human resources (if it's that large a company) may also be 'enlightening'.


@Bahbahsheep

Now that's a fking awesome idea. DO IT! Holy hell that would be hilarious! :rofl: How can you resist such an opportunity to unleash honest havoc and solve your problem at the same time?


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> There is too much suspicion here due to baggage we all bring as well as us not knowing the full details.
> 
> You still compared man-man friendship to man-woman friendship. Sorry but it's not a valid comparison.



Maybe in your wold that's true. It isnt in mine, But i wouldn't be so presumptuous to tell you that your opinion isnt valid


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> @Bahbahsheep
> 
> Now that's a fking awesome idea. DO IT! Holy hell that would be hilarious! :rofl: How can you resist such an opportunity to unleash honest havoc and solve your problem at the same time?


his wife is actually very nice and offered to take me and the office manager out for lunch since we helped her with one of her projects.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

All the more reason to go through with it in my opinion

His wife will have inrefutable evidence, you will get the space you need from your boss, and not to mention the fun of watching this play out 

If she's nice, if anything -> she's the one who deserves the truth regardess


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

He just needs a reality check. 
OK right, as a male, I can understand why they have naughty thoughts etc but it should be done with propriety, he would sometimes share the saucy jokes sent by his friends with the female staff members, just playing along the lines of sexual harassment.

I dont understand how it is possible for him to live like this without a conscience...well maybe it is the businessmen's occupational hazard.


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## Liam (Nov 13, 2009)

If the OP believes her boss is crossing a line and trying to initiate something with her, I believe her.

To be honest, he sounds like a bit of a sleazeball. All you can do is make it perfectly clear(you don't even have to necessarily say it - body language and verbal responses can be enough) you are not interested in him in the slightest.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Two issues here.

First, the bosses attitude seems borderline to me. I've taken employees out to lunch, tried to treat them nicely, especially if they went above the call of their job to help me. I am married, they are married but it's all business and treating someone who has helped you out fairly for their efforts.

Second, it's his company and if he wants to put $25K on his AMEX, that's his business. No one forces you to work there and if you feel it is wrong, you can always use the front door.

To me, it sounds you just don't like him. And that's fine... I don't particularly care for my boss, but he owns the company, signs my paycheck so I keep my head down and get my work done (when I'm not posting on TAM  )


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Nigel said:


> Maybe in your wold that's true. It isnt in mine, But i wouldn't be so presumptuous to tell you that your opinion isnt valid


You compared SS relationship to OS relationship and they are not the same so it's not a "valid comparison". That's how it is in most peoples world not just mine. I'm sorry the rest of us are not in your world.

You can pull out the "presumption" card when someone points out flawed logic but it doesn't change the flawed logic. Believe whatever you want to but I'm not so naive to think SS and OS relationships are equal. Marriage councilors, therapist, and psychologist agree with me so it's not my opinion alone.

I'm sure you want to help people and there's no mal-intent regardless of gender. That's great but assuming your character applies to others; that's more presumptuous than anything I've said. Especially when there's mountains of evidence that states otherwise ie: EAs.


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