# What do you hate most about dating?



## firebelly1

The thing I hate most about dating is rejecting people. You meet someone online and there's cute banter and then you meet in person and there's just no attraction. Hate that. 

The thing I hate second most is when guys don't call or avoid you and you don't know why. What did I do wrong? Was I not his type? Does it have absolutely nothing to do with me? It would be nice to know.


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## whitehawk

edit , put it this way , I haven't even started again yet but from just browsing so far, the scariest thing is the quality of women out there now and just wtf has happened to them in 18yrs since the last time.


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## RandomDude

Disappointment after disappointment


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## Cloaked

When I was single I would date a lot. I hated how fake people were. It takes months to start to get to know someone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokeneric

The amount of perseverance you need to understand someone. Its like going through a novel that starts off with a bang but curls up and die in the end.


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## Sanity

Dating sucks especially after a bad divorce. Your tolerance for crazy town is non-existent + PTSD = I won't call you back even for a quickie.


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## Cooper

I suck at dating, I hate all the planning and energy it takes to keep coming up with creative ideas of things to do. Post divorce I have become very selfish with my time and hate giving up 1/2 my weekend just trying to get to know someone. 

I'm really good at living day to day life, and I'm a good person to have in your life, but I'm a terrible dater.


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## Married but Happy

I thoroughly enjoyed dating after I was separated, but I disliked rejection - from either side. However, I believe success is directly proportional to how many and how often you have rejections.

If you're not being or doing rejection, you're not dating enough to find great matches - either you're settling far too soon (unless you are very lucky), or simply not dating enough (either too high standards or not really trying).

Most rejections occur after the first meet, a whole bunch more after a few dates. The hardest ones are after a few months, because there was enough there to date that long, but then the less obvious problems come to your attention. This is the hardest time to reject, but also the most important rejection - it can save you from years of misery, and keep you free to find someone truly compatible and wonderful.


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## firebelly1

brokeneric said:


> The amount of perseverance you need to understand someone. Its like going through a novel that starts off with a bang but curls up and die in the end.


This is part of the reason I tried so hard at reconciliation with my d-bag h. He was the devil I knew. It had taken me 14 years to really understand him and now I would have to start from scratch with someone else.


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## firebelly1

Married but Happy said:


> I thoroughly enjoyed dating after I was separated, but I disliked rejection - from either side. However, I believe success is directly proportional to how many and how often you have rejections.
> 
> If you're not being or doing rejection, you're not dating enough to find great matches - either you're settling far too soon (unless you are very lucky), or simply not dating enough (either too high standards or not really trying).
> 
> Most rejections occur after the first meet, a whole bunch more after a few dates. The hardest ones are after a few months, because there was enough there to date that long, but then the less obvious problems come to your attention. This is the hardest time to reject, but also the most important rejection - it can save you from years of misery, and keep you free to find someone truly compatible and wonderful.


This sounds so sane and balanced. I have always been bad with rejection - from both sides. What's the best way to recover from it? I'm assuming that it's not what I usually do which is blame my big butt. But what if that's really it?


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## Jellybeans

The games.


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## firebelly1

Jellybeans said:


> The games.


Yes. Can we not just be honest with each other?


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## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> The thing I hate second most is when guys don't call or avoid you and you don't know why. What did I do wrong? Was I not his type? Does it have absolutely nothing to do with me? It would be nice to know.


Ugh me too. That is the worst.

I wish people would just say it: I am not interested in you/am with someone else/don't feel we are a match.

It's so hard to decipher when someone keeps throwing you a text here and there and/or meeting up with you and then blanks you out of nowhere and you are left wondering wtf happened and whether you will hear from them again or not. Grr

I hate this more than rejecting someone because I am the kind of person who doesn't like to waste my time or someone else's. I think it's rude to string someone along.


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## firebelly1

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh me too. That is the worst.
> 
> I wish people would just say it: I am not interested in you/am with someone else/don't feel we are a match.
> 
> It's so hard to decipher when someone keeps throwing you a text here and there and/or meeting up with you and then blanks you out of nowhere and you are left wondering wtf happened and whether you will hear from them again or not. Grr
> 
> I hate this more than rejecting someone because I am the kind of person who doesn't like to waste my time or someone else's. I think it's rude to string someone along.


Yes. I hate this. It's rejection with no explanation, which sucks.


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## firebelly1

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh me too. That is the worst.
> 
> I wish people would just say it: I am not interested in you/am with someone else/don't feel we are a match.
> 
> It's so hard to decipher when someone keeps throwing you a text here and there and/or meeting up with you and then blanks you out of nowhere and you are left wondering wtf happened and whether you will hear from them again or not. Grr
> 
> I hate this more than rejecting someone because I am the kind of person who doesn't like to waste my time or someone else's. I think it's rude to string someone along.


It's probably maturity too. I suppose some people don't outright reject you 'cause they want to keep you as a possibility for sex and don't want to lose that, but not interested in anything else. And if they say that out loud they sound like a d*ck.


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## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> It's probably maturity too. I suppose some people don't outright reject you 'cause they want to keep you as a possibility for sex and don't want to lose that, but not interested in anything else. And if they say that out loud they sound like a d*ck.


But see, I would respect a man 1000% more whole told me he just wanted to fck me versus the man who blanks me, never to be heard from again. Because at least the man who tells you what he's (only) interested in is being honest from the get-go. And whether I am into it or not, I respect him as a man a million times over because he is a man of his WORD.



MissFroggie said:


> I too hate the excuses why they can't meet up or sudden silences - if you're not interested just tell me! I'm hardly going to curl up and cry...I still hardly know you anyway!


Exactly!


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## firebelly1

I agree 100%. JUST BE HONEST WITH ME. The other day I thought next time I meet up with a guy I've met online that I should just ask that from him explicitly. Before we meet up I just say "You know what, I would really appreciate it if you end up not feeling a connection with me, that you tell me that. I would much rather have you be honest with me than leave me wondering."


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## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh me too. That is the worst.
> 
> I wish people would just say it: I am not interested in you/am with someone else/don't feel we are a match.
> 
> It's so hard to decipher when someone keeps throwing you a text here and there and/or meeting up with you and then blanks you out of nowhere and you are left wondering wtf happened and whether you will hear from them again or not. Grr
> 
> I hate this more than rejecting someone because I am the kind of person who doesn't like to waste my time or someone else's. I think it's rude to string someone along.





firebelly1 said:


> Yes. I hate this. It's rejection with no explanation, which sucks.


Do you guys give reasons? I think we all agree it's most unpleasant to say "I'm just not in to you" because we don't want to sound mean. But do you actually tell them WHY? I see it as a gut thing - I can't put words to it, I just know it isn't going to work. But do we expect reasons yet don't give them?


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## firebelly1

That's a fair question Enjoli. I wouldn't feel comfortable saying I wasn't attracted or he's boring.  But at any point I think it's fine to say "I don't feel we're a match," and leave it at that. Rather than just dropping contact I would rather hear "I find you attractive and would like to have sex with you, but I don't see us compatible long-term" but I'm not sure I could bring myself to say it. Maybe.


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## Thundarr

I'm married and not in the dating pool and don't expect to ever be. But if I were, I don't think it would be so bad. I mostly like people so I think I'd make a few friends along the way whether I found someone to be with or not.


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## firebelly1

MissFroggie said:


> I do lol. I've said, "I'm sorry but I don't think you're not what I'm looking for and I don't think I'm what you want either". It makes us incompatible with neither of us to blame or equal blame
> 
> If that's not sufficient and they push for more details then I try to turn around what I don't want into something they do want and might do well to look for in a future date. Daredevil guy who does extreme sports every weekend and dull as dishwater couch potato could get similar advice - I think you would be better suited to someone who shares your interests more than I do.
> 
> Guys who push for sex on a first date or send crude messages are given a slightly more sharp slap (metaphorically of course!). They get the MissFroggie response complete with quotes!


This is good. A preemptive "It's not you, it's me" kind of thing.


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## Fenix

Not much. I am brand new back into the dating pool after a hiatus of 30 years and I have to say it is fun, fun, fun. When it comes to rejection, I am honest. I haven't had to do it after several dates or months yet, only after one date. Then, it is a I am not interested in getting involved with someone who has small children (if they do) or something similar. I think the we are not a good fit is also fine.

Lots of nice people out there. I hear people lament about the crazies but I haven't seen much of that. maybe it's the filters?


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## EnjoliWoman

I've said that I just don't fell that spark. Although admittedly it's usually after the date when they text or call asking for a second date. But since those days I started with a more brief meeting. 

I can usually tell when the guy isn't interested because he'll say "it's nice meeting you/nice chatting with you - have a good evening!" or some such comment that does NOT include the "I'd like to get together again" follow-up comment. At that point I know I'll never hear from them again.

Probably why i was tempted to settle. But nah. It could be several years when kiddo finally leaves the nest or at least starts driving before I can really date seriously since men a bit older tend to have empty nests. 

This is the year of Enjoli. Just me. I'm cool with that. If someone magically appears, so be it. But I'm taking some time to get my head right again.

Wow the years just fly.


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## EnjoliWoman

Fenix said:


> Not much. I am brand new back into the dating pool after a hiatus of 30 years and I have to say it is fun, fun, fun. When it comes to rejection, I am honest. I haven't had to do it after several dates or months yet, only after one date. Then, it is a I am not interested in getting involved with someone who has small children (if they do) or something similar. I think the we are not a good fit is also fine.
> 
> Lots of nice people out there. I hear people lament about the crazies but I haven't seen much of that. maybe it's the filters?


I agree it's the filters. I haven't found any crazies, either.


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## TheGoodGuy

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've said that I just don't fell that spark. Although admittedly it's usually after the date when they text or call asking for a second date. But since those days I started with a more brief meeting.
> 
> I can usually tell when the guy isn't interested because he'll say "it's nice meeting you/nice chatting with you - have a good evening!" or some such comment that does NOT include the "I'd like to get together again" follow-up comment. At that point I know I'll never hear from them again.
> 
> Probably why i was tempted to settle. But nah. It could be several years when kiddo finally leaves the nest or at least starts driving before I can really date seriously since men a bit older tend to have empty nests.
> 
> This is the year of Enjoli. Just me. I'm cool with that. If someone magically appears, so be it. But I'm taking some time to get my head right again.
> 
> Wow the years just fly.


I think this is the year of GG too. I'm fine with that, although as I speak I have one nibbling at me!(pun intended!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stillhoping

I guess now I am at the point where I am not sure what I want out of dating. Was married for 28 years, not sure I will do that again. Is it companionship, sex, free dinners? Also, I don't want to end up taking care of anyone, at least not too soon in the relationship. I am in the age range where people, men especially, start having medical problems. I want to be the one who gets some care taking out of my next relationship. Maybe I should check medical histories instead of dating site profiles!


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## whitehawk

Couldn't agree on the health and aging thing. Not to many women see women through a guys eyes.

But health wise , l was always nursing my ex through something since she was 23. Same with friends and their wives, my 6 sisters - there's always something wrong.


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## Shooboomafoo

Dating? Whats that??? Ive been single for 2 years now. I dunno what is wrong with me. Maybe its the lack of a social life. (duh-hur). I know it is. I just don't get out and do anything. I have very few select friends anymore, and the ones shared with the ex, sort-of keep in contact, but meeting some of them in a bar somewhere around the same old people,,, I need to do something else. 

Plus, theres a lot of self esteem stuff going on too. The divorce was pretty rough, and left me with no answers. Thrust into a single life after around 16 with someone, all of those common friends and relationships built seem sort of tainted now. 

I work everyday except weekends, and have my D12 live with me for the whole week every other week, so I have about one week that I can get out there and go do stuff, and you know what? I end up coming home and plopping down and wanting to just relax.. Damn, im lazy.. maybe it was because I always felt like I had to keep at it and keep up the dutiful husband helper ideology around the house while married, and it wore me out. 

I guess its been like taking a break from it all, and trying to find the self reliance and esteem within myself without relying on another's say so. 
I also, if finding someone I find attractive is interested in me, fall WAY too hard and set myself up for disappointment. 
Not skilled in the wiles and ways, but just an ordinary guy looking for someone to spend time with, but also, to feel something for. 
My ex stomped that out over the years, gave so very little towards the relationship, that made things miserable. Perhaps I figure that if "she" could turn into that after a period of time, that maybe "I" have some hand in things turning that way, and I'd mess up something potentially great. 

Blah blah,, I am lonely though. The "ideal" that exists within my mind of the kind of relationship I would like seems romanticized and ridiculous going by what I hear when listening to others. 

I don't know. 
What I hate most about dating is my personal fear of latching on to the wrong person again.


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## Fenix

Shooboomafoo said:


> Dating? Whats that??? Ive been single for 2 years now. I dunno what is wrong with me. Maybe its the lack of a social life. (duh-hur). I know it is. I just don't get out and do anything. I have very few select friends anymore, and the ones shared with the ex, sort-of keep in contact, but meeting some of them in a bar somewhere around the same old people,,, I need to do something else.
> 
> Plus, theres a lot of self esteem stuff going on too. The divorce was pretty rough, and left me with no answers. Thrust into a single life after around 16 with someone, all of those common friends and relationships built seem sort of tainted now.
> 
> I work everyday except weekends, and have my D12 live with me for the whole week every other week, so I have about one week that I can get out there and go do stuff, and you know what? I end up coming home and plopping down and wanting to just relax.. Damn, im lazy.. maybe it was because I always felt like I had to keep at it and keep up the dutiful husband helper ideology around the house while married, and it wore me out.
> 
> I guess its been like taking a break from it all, and trying to find the self reliance and esteem within myself without relying on another's say so.
> I also, if finding someone I find attractive is interested in me, fall WAY too hard and set myself up for disappointment.
> Not skilled in the wiles and ways, but just an ordinary guy looking for someone to spend time with, but also, to feel something for.
> My ex stomped that out over the years, gave so very little towards the relationship, that made things miserable. Perhaps I figure that if "she" could turn into that after a period of time, that maybe "I" have some hand in things turning that way, and I'd mess up something potentially great.
> 
> Blah blah,, I am lonely though. The "ideal" that exists within my mind of the kind of relationship I would like seems romanticized and ridiculous going by what I hear when listening to others.
> 
> I don't know.
> What I hate most about dating is my personal fear of latching on to the wrong person again.


Ah, Shoo...the couch will kill you! I have just relocated and don't know anyone in my new city. So, I checked out running clubs and due to that, discovered meetup.com This organization has been a godsend. I could do something every night of the week if I wanted. Whatever your interests are, there is a meet up club for it. I have met many nice people of both sexes through it. You can use it for dating if you want, but you can also just use it to get out, have fun and meet friends.

Shake it up! You never know what will happen.


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## Married but Happy

firebelly1 said:


> This sounds so sane and balanced. I have always been bad with rejection - from both sides. What's the best way to recover from it? I'm assuming that it's not what I usually do which is blame my big butt. But what if that's really it?


What if it is your big butt (which may only be "big" in your own mind, BTW)? That simply means that this person is not right for you. Scratch one, on to the next. You're simply eliminating bad matches, whoever does the rejecting. Otherwise, you are settling for someone who isn't good for you, because they aren't fully into YOU. It can be a long, difficult process to find someone you can fully accept as they are, who also fully accepts you as you are, without a hidden agenda to change each other. In the end (no pun intended), it's worth that time and effort.


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## EnjoliWoman

Shooboomafoo said:


> Dating? Whats that??? Ive been single for 2 years now. I dunno what is wrong with me. Maybe its the lack of a social life. (duh-hur). I know it is. I just don't get out and do anything. I have very few select friends anymore, and the ones shared with the ex, sort-of keep in contact, but meeting some of them in a bar somewhere around the same old people,,, I need to do something else.
> 
> Plus, theres a lot of self esteem stuff going on too. The divorce was pretty rough, and left me with no answers. Thrust into a single life after around 16 with someone, all of those common friends and relationships built seem sort of tainted now.
> 
> I work everyday except weekends, and have my D12 live with me for the whole week every other week, so I have about one week that I can get out there and go do stuff, and you know what? I end up coming home and plopping down and wanting to just relax.. Damn, im lazy.. maybe it was because I always felt like I had to keep at it and keep up the dutiful husband helper ideology around the house while married, and it wore me out.
> 
> I guess its been like taking a break from it all, and trying to find the self reliance and esteem within myself without relying on another's say so.
> I also, if finding someone I find attractive is interested in me, fall WAY too hard and set myself up for disappointment.
> Not skilled in the wiles and ways, but just an ordinary guy looking for someone to spend time with, but also, to feel something for.
> My ex stomped that out over the years, gave so very little towards the relationship, that made things miserable. Perhaps I figure that if "she" could turn into that after a period of time, that maybe "I" have some hand in things turning that way, and I'd mess up something potentially great.
> 
> Blah blah,, I am lonely though. The "ideal" that exists within my mind of the kind of relationship I would like seems romanticized and ridiculous going by what I hear when listening to others.
> 
> I don't know.
> What I hate most about dating is my personal fear of latching on to the wrong person again.


It's OK that you are just taking time to be gentle with yourself. Get a dog.  Rescue one that is already house broken and a couple years old so you know you can leave them all day while you go to work. (I've done that a couple times and it works out great, not having to train a puppy.) Then come home and take them for a walk. Throw a ball/frisbee, take them to a dog park or greenway on the weekends. Good way to get out and meet people. A nice lady will come over and say hi and pet your dog and give you a good opening to talk.

Also you can let your daughter help you choose one - she'll look forward to coming to see the dog and doing stuff with it. I personally find the working breeds to be mellow personality-wise and larger dogs (40lbs+) are better at holding it all day. 

You'll get out and get fresh air and still have someone happy to see you at the end of the day and when you want to just chill, they are quiet at your feet.

I've been hesitant, too - hence being single for over 10 years. Rather selective. I go through phases of wanting just me time and then wanting to meet someone. I'm really wary of bad tempers - it's not like we all don't have our issues. Divorcees will know that. At least do a meetup or two on the weekends you don't have D12.


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## 3Xnocharm

Shooboomafoo said:


> I don't know.
> What I hate most about dating is my personal fear of latching on to the wrong person again.


Very valid concern, this is EXACTLY what happened to me when I got back out there.


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## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Do you guys give reasons? I think we all agree it's most unpleasant to say "I'm just not in to you" because we don't want to sound mean. But do you actually tell them WHY? I see it as a gut thing - I can't put words to it, I just know it isn't going to work. But do we expect reasons yet don't give them?


I generally do the "I think you are great but I am not feeling this/don't think we are a match/there isn't a spark for me." 

I like to be very clear with a guy that I am NOT into it because to me, there is nothing worse than stringing someone along. I absolutely hate when it's done to me so I like to give people the same respect and let them know it's not going to happen (if it isn't). 

I also will not keep going out with a guy after I've said that. There is no point. Again, stringing people along isn't in my DNA. It's just common courtesy to be upfront.


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## Jellybeans

Word. I don't say it everytime. I try to use it as a buffer because I am very to the point and sometimes can come across as cold. It's the Aqua in me.


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## stillhoping

The other thing I hate is being asked to say what is wrong with the other person. There is nothing wrong, just because we are not a match. That is the whole idea behind marriage. If I thought the differences were things we could work on, I would say that. If I am sure it won't work, why isn't it enough to just say that.


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## Jellybeans

I personally have never been asked "what is wrong" with the other person. Most people just let it go then. I imagine that would be quite difficult to deal with. LOL.


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## stillhoping

The person I am breaking up with. I have only dated a few men since my D, but when I said I was done, they each wanted to know why it didn't work out. What was wrong, could we talk about it


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## Fenix

MissFroggie said:


> So 'gym guy' - it's doing your head in because he goes 4 hours a day, 7 days a week. You're not getting quality time. He's eating you out of house and home with his high calorie diet and he spends longer preening in the bathroom than you do (and expects you to wait an hour even though you're right outside the door doing the 'wee wee' dance as you try not to pee lol). Yes, he's vain and obsessive and you've had enough of it. But he's not a bad person and someone will be very happy with him, just not you. Well he can have the, "I think you would do better with someone who shares your interest in fitness. It's such a big part of your life and who you are that it's a shame not to be with someone who is more involved with it. Sometimes I feel so separated from that part of your life that I feel like we are disconnected. I can really picture you with someone who enjoys the gym as much as you do". *Smile*
> 
> It's just an example and not very thought through, but you get the idea? They go away thinking about meeting a hottie in the gym and you go away thinking - phew that wasn't so bad. If he starts with the whole thing of cutting down gym hours etc and changing to suit you then you just have to reassure him that he shouldn't have to change to be with the right person etc - even if he might have to cut the hours down for Miss Right, keep it simple, you're breaking up, not giving him therapy lol, and you don't want to unintentionally string him along either.
> 
> I'm no expert, but maybe this is worth trying and might be helpful


wow. You're good. :thumbup:


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## Jellybeans

MissFroggie said:


> The same can be said for dating. If a man says he doesn't want to date you because he's gay, would you feel inadequate or lacking in some way? Would you feel rejected? Probably not - you are not what he wants and never can be, so why concern yourself with it. HE is not suitable for you either. *It's exactly the same with any 'rejection' in dating. It's not because there is something wrong with YOU, it's because there is something wrong with the MATCH of BOTH of you! *


:iagree:


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## stillhoping

Exactly, so why go through the attempt to list all the problem areas. I always say, we enjoyed each others company but that is as far as this is going to go. The first break up was crazy, I was too close to my D date, never should have agreed to go out but he was an old friend from college, seemed safe. He wanted a full explanation of what he could do better. I politely declined and simply said now is not the right time for me. Bad mistake, cause it made it seem like there might be a right time


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## firebelly1

Shooboomafoo said:


> I don't know.
> What I hate most about dating is my personal fear of latching on to the wrong person again.


I think this is my biggest fear as well. I have not been good at picking people. But when I really look at it, I know that I would not pick the same type of people again. I know there are certain red flags to look for and certain personality types. I'm also one that falls hard, fast and tend to romanticize event those red flag things, but at least I'm aware of that now. 

I think the key in all of it is self-awareness. Mindfulness about my feelings, being truthful with myself about whether or not there were red flags and having a strategy for dealing with them.


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## badcompany

All above noted.....between work and kids I don't have a whole lot of time to date. Online dating allows....for the most part....that the women is available and between the surveys and what they write in their Bio helps filter them down into a few good potential matches. 
Where it falls short is not many are online here, and by the time they go thru the "filter" I don't have much left...like 30 women out of county of 300k people.


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## Sandfly

firebelly1 said:


> *The thing I hate most about dating is rejecting people*. You meet someone online and there's cute banter and then you meet in person and *there's just no attraction*. Hate that.
> 
> *The thing I hate second most is when guys don't call or avoid you and you don't know why*. What did I do wrong? Was I not his type? Does it have absolutely nothing to do with me? It would be nice to know.


 The thing I hate most about dating is when they start asking questions designed to elicit your career ambitions and bank balance, when I haven't yet even decided if I'm actually interested.

Just the bulletproof skyscraper-sized egos which assume that they are the ones doing the hiring. 

I'm the one who never calls back,

This is why.


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## firebelly1

Sandfly said:


> The thing I hate most about dating is when they start asking questions designed to elicit your career ambitions and bank balance, when I haven't yet even decided if I'm actually interested.
> 
> Just the bulletproof skyscraper-sized egos which assume that they are the ones doing the hiring.
> 
> I'm the one who never calls back,
> 
> This is why.


Sandfly, maybe you should leave the Armani and rolex at home? Then you wouldn't be attracting so many golddiggers? 

I'm sorry you're experiencing that. I can't imagine. Sometimes I think I should be more picky about how a man handles money - i.e. is he in a lot of debt or something, but I wouldn't have any self-respect if I dated a man only for his money. 

I remember a date I went on when I was much younger and the young man was obviously trying to impress me with how much money he had. I found it repulsive.


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## Hardtohandle

Being totally and honest and probably somewhat unmature.. but here it goes..

It does bother me that some women have had a more colorful past then I do, so to speak.. 

It bothers me that some women feel the need to talk about their past experiences like its a badge of honor. It forces me to express that no one wants to know that you fvcked that rockstar.. 

The current GF tells me she would get requests from the same guys on POF for over a year.. That they knowingly would still try to pursue her even though she had shot them down..

Some of the request where odd.. Basically they would say things like look I know your not into me, but we could just have sex until you meet someone you love or like..

We could meet and I would just go down on you.. No intercourse needed.. 

Trust me when I tell you I have been in the front row of life when it has to do with crazy.. But this stuff is just so odd, sad and desperate all at the same time.. 

I just never told any woman how many other partners I had. What we did or didn't do.. I just don't think its any of their business but for some strange reason people feel the urge to tell you some of this stuff. It just does the opposite to me and turns me of and taints the person to me..

Dating shows me how broken many people are as they get older in life..


----------



## whitehawk

l must admit , after messing round for the last few days with one l've just met and then deciding not to bother, l feel sick at it all again.

Put that with the emotions of another situation with one l did hook up with for a few mths earlier on , but got out because it was just too soon and she was a bit crazy anyway , l feel like hanging up the dating thing already.
lt's only good when it's good isn't it but yet it has to be much better than good to go anywhere or your back to this .

Gotta be another way :scratchhead: , like just waiting for the right one , l dunno !


----------



## stillhoping

I suppose, but how will you find the right one if you don't get out there a bit? I suddenly have some people in my life introducing me, lets see where that goes. And as awful as all this is for most of you, I'm starting it at 55! Hey,gonna go into it the way I live my life, with curiosity.


----------



## Fenix

stillhoping said:


> Hey,gonna go into it the way I live my life,* with curiosity*.


:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Hardtohandle said:


> It bothers me that some women feel the need to talk about their past experiences like its a badge of honor. It forces me to express that no one wants to know that you fvcked that rockstar..
> 
> The current GF tells me she would get requests from the same guys on POF for over a year.. That they knowingly would still try to pursue her even though she had shot them down..
> 
> I just never told any woman how many other partners I had. What we did or didn't do.. I just don't think its any of their business but for some strange reason people feel the urge to tell you some of this stuff. It just does the opposite to me and turns me of


I'm with you. I don't really care to hear about every single chick a guy was involved with. No, thanks. Why would anyone want to hear about that in the beginning stages of dating? That is odd. I don't mind discussing major relationships like "Oh my last relationship ended 3 yrs" and "we were together for 4 yrs" but the details--no thanks.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sandfly said:


> The thing I hate most about dating is when they start asking questions designed to elicit your career ambitions and bank balance, when I haven't yet even decided if I'm actually interested.
> 
> Just the bulletproof skyscraper-sized egos which assume that they are the ones doing the hiring.
> 
> I'm the one who never calls back,
> 
> This is why.


Yeah but I think what you are saying is that you don't call back if they are only after your $ or career/lot in life. The issue of when someone just blanks you is that a lot of times that may not have been the issue at all. I personally think those types of things are rude to ask someone, especially on first dates so if a guy blanks me, it's not because of that. Granted, it means we weren't a match, but I still maintain the the rudest thing you can do to someone is completely blank them. Especially after you've been out with them several times, say 5 dates. Just be honest and say "I'm not into this" instead of blowing someone off when they reach out to you, is my motto. I personally hate we people do it to me so I make a point to be very clear with a guy if I am not into him so he's not left hoping and wondering.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Sandfly said:


> The thing I hate most about dating is when they start asking questions designed to elicit your career ambitions and bank balance, when I haven't yet even decided if I'm actually interested.
> 
> Just the bulletproof skyscraper-sized egos which assume that they are the ones doing the hiring.
> 
> I'm the one who never calls back,
> 
> This is why.


I wouldn't dare try to suss out financial info - but asking someone about their career tells me a lot about what we have in common; what we value. But I don't interview. I hope asking what you do for a living is OK on a date? Getting a man's opinion...


----------



## badcompany

MissFroggie said:


> I applied for a very good drama school. In one of my interviews they said, "We have _over 4000_ applicants and _only_ 20 places. How does that make you feel?"
> I said, "You have _20_ places, I only need _1_. You have 19 _more_ places than I need."
> I did get one of those places
> 
> 30 women is still 29 more than you need
> 
> I understand your frustration though and I'm not belittling it. You do only need to meet one who is suited to you for you to be happy. One way or another you'll keep filtering it down until there is only one anyway, when you're down to zero options you have to start looking back at filtering and other options
> Maybe the problem is that you're in a low populated area or need to find ways off-line to meet women instead?


Being in a college/retiree town close to the US/Canada border offers a challenging demographic for me unfortunately. We've got plenty of too young, too old, and only a few % in my age bracket. The restaurants and stores are all swarming with Canadians...not going there. A couple of craft shops I frequented used to be great places to meet some real cuties. Again I'm not whining, but I have my work cut out for me here. 
I also have to note I pulled my work attire pics in slacks and a button up shirt, and put some up in camo shorts and a T-shirt on my profile and I'm getting much more interest lol.....go figure.


----------



## Hardtohandle

MissFroggie said:


> I applied for a very good drama school. In one of my interviews they said, "We have _over 4000_ applicants and _only_ 20 places. How does that make you feel?"
> I said, "You have _20_ places, I only need _1_. You have 19 _more_ places than I need."
> I did get one of those places
> 
> 30 women is still 29 more than you need


Not derailing, but I had an argument/slight heated discussion with the G.F. 

Nutshell, I told her. Yes I know you can make one phone call. One facebook post and have 5 men knocking at your door looking to take you out and make you feel happy..

But let me tell you, all I need is one good woman to have my back.. One honest, loving woman to be by my side.. I don't need 100. I don't need 10.. I don't even need 2.. I just need one fvcking woman to be by my side.. 

Do you want to be that woman or should I just drive you back home right now ?..

She stuttered and did everything she could to express she was the right woman for me.. 

*Now back to your regular scheduled program*

I have to say that dating today is more complicated then it was when you were younger because of the many emotional and idiosyncrasies we have all developed along the way.. 

Personally now I have to suppress retarded thoughts of *"Is my GF really home. Is she calling from her cell but someplace else other then her home ?"* 

Again all retarded thoughts that I have because of the Ex.. 

It takes an understanding person to deal with a B.S. back out on the market.. The one thing the G.F. told me once.. *"You better not break up with me after I fix you for someone else."* Which sadly she feels will happen sometimes.. 

But I believe and hope I am beyond such shallow thoughts today..


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Hardtohandle said:


> Not derailing, but I had an argument/slight heated discussion with the G.F.
> 
> Nutshell, I told her. Yes I know you can make one phone call. One facebook post and have 5 men knocking at your door looking to take you out and make you feel happy..
> 
> But let me tell you, all I need is one good woman to have my back.. One honest, loving woman to be by my side.. I don't need 100. I don't need 10.. I don't even need 2.. I just need one fvcking woman to be by my side..
> 
> Do you want to be that woman or should I just drive you back home right now ?..
> 
> She stuttered and did everything she could to express she was the right woman for me..
> 
> *Now back to your regular scheduled program*
> 
> I have to say that dating today is more complicated then it was when you were younger because of the many emotional and idiosyncrasies we have all developed along the way..
> 
> Personally now I have to suppress retarded thoughts of *"Is my GF really home. Is she calling from her cell but someplace else other then her home ?"*
> 
> Again all retarded thoughts that I have because of the Ex..
> 
> It takes an understanding person to deal with a B.S. back out on the market.. The one thing the G.F. told me once.. *"You better not break up with me after I fix you for someone else."* Which sadly she feels will happen sometimes..
> 
> But I believe and hope I am beyond such shallow thoughts today..


I agree but... how did this come up??? Was she doing something to try and make you jealous?

And PSA - although it doesn't personally bother me, using the term 'retarded' to describe how you view something is very inappropriate. The retarded community, their families and advocates are everywhere and you may just seriously offend someone - maybe even someone important to you. I know sometimes we are OVERLY PC but in this case, I felt like mentioning it. Your point is not lost on me; I'm not trying to be difficult but you used it twice. Regressive thoughts? Bad thoughts? Jaded thoughts? Please find a better descriptor. Thank you.


----------



## Betrayedone

EnjoliWoman said:


> I wouldn't dare try to suss out financial info - but asking someone about their career tells me a lot about what we have in common; what we value. But I don't interview. I hope asking what you do for a living is OK on a date? Getting a man's opinion...


I think it's fine.....any guy who has pride in what he does will be eager to share that with you....but then I am an international man of mystery so it makes for good conversation.....


----------



## 2asdf2

Let me one-up you guys. 

All the stuff you've talked about gets magnified x10 when you are 70, and have not dated for 52 years!!!

Having said that, I enjoyed the challenges, and struggled with the bipolar rejection phenomenon, like some of you have expressed.

For me, for rejection has bothered me when I asked: "Is it ok to call you?" and when I called, the ladies did not want to pick up the phone. As you emphasize being upfront, am sure that you understand that I would have preferred to be told that calling would not have been ok. 

Also, it seemed to me strange that women my age would become coy, and gladly accept my offers of a date, but never initiate dates even after having gone on several dates with me already.

Obviously I have lots to learn.


----------



## Sandfly

firebelly1 said:


> Sandfly, maybe you should leave the Armani and rolex at home? Then you wouldn't be attracting so many golddiggers?
> 
> I'm sorry you're experiencing that. I can't imagine. Sometimes I think I should be more picky about how a man handles money - i.e. is he in a lot of debt or something, but I wouldn't have any self-respect if I dated a man only for his money.
> 
> I remember a date I went on when I was much younger and the young man was obviously trying to impress me with how much money he had. I found it repulsive.


I like you, I like the way you think.


----------



## Sandfly

EnjoliWoman said:


> I wouldn't dare try to suss out financial info - but asking someone about their career tells me a lot about what we have in common; what we value. But I don't interview. I hope asking what you do for a living is OK on a date? Getting a man's opinion...


I find it weird to talk about work when I'm not at work. 

I see why you might ask about it, but from you helping me understand something on another thread, and from reading about your life to this point, I _already _know you're not superficial.

In your future encounters, I would recommend you don't do it. It puts some of us on guard.

I guess it would be like me asking in the first twenty minutes of a first date: "how many children are you planning to have?" "What do you think of One Night Stands?" or some such crazy winter-inducing gaffe.

It will come up by itself as the background to some story he tells you, so it's not like you won't find out anyway.

Here's a really good way of doing it, that I just thought of:

"So, do you enjoy your current job?" 

Hmmm second thoughts, I dunno. Na, just leave it, it'll come up.


----------



## whitehawk

stillhoping said:


> I suppose, but how will you find the right one if you don't get out there a bit? I suddenly have some people in my life introducing me, lets see where that goes. And as awful as all this is for most of you, I'm starting it at 55! Hey,gonna go into it the way I live my life, with curiosity.


Thanks ss and good for you, go getem :smthumbup:

How, l don't know . ln my mind l always refer back to how it use to work for me. l just somehow bumped into people or met through friends. l had a real knack for it even though l rarely had a circle of friends, 1 or 2 if l was lucky. The trouble is that was 18yrs ago , everything's different now and although l'm young for my age l'm still much older to. We only moved here 6yrs ago , my ex knows everyone but l work from home so .

It's funny though , even my wife, l somehow managed to meet when l left the city and was staying on a farm for 12mths . Knew no one , just hung round the house . Don't know if l'll ever get that lucky again.
This now and where l am is very similar to that situation back then although like back then , now seems impossible .

l use to just do whatever l do and follow my instincts but it's really strange right now , l don't feel any instincts or anyone on the horizon , very strange for me.


----------



## whitehawk

Sandfly said:


> The thing I hate most about dating is when they start asking questions designed to elicit your career ambitions and bank balance, when I haven't yet even decided if I'm actually interested.
> 
> Just the bulletproof skyscraper-sized egos which assume that they are the ones doing the hiring.
> 
> I'm the one who never calls back,
> 
> This is why.




Yeah we're all hiring aren't we - and firing haha,
Another one bites the dust , this [email protected] is so depressing.
l wonder if our ex's start to feel the same if they don't hook up.

l know one thing , l really hate the dating site thing. lt's just that l know no one here , can't get out much , seems impossible unless l did get onto those things .
Not that l'd say l'm even ready or wanting anything serious anyway , just some fun and a bit of company would do just fine for now.


----------



## Betrayedone

Meetup groups have been good to me......I expect nothing except to make a good time for myself and I'll be darned if someone doesn't get sucked into my vortex......take a look, give them a try!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Sandfly said:


> I find it weird to talk about work when I'm not at work.
> 
> I see why you might ask about it, but from you helping me understand something on another thread, and from reading about your life to this point, I _already _know you're not superficial.
> 
> In your future encounters, I would recommend you don't do it. It puts some of us on guard.
> 
> I guess it would be like me asking in the first twenty minutes of a first date: "how many children are you planning to have?" "What do you think of One Night Stands?" or some such crazy winter-inducing gaffe.
> 
> It will come up by itself as the background to some story he tells you, so it's not like you won't find out anyway.
> 
> Here's a really good way of doing it, that I just thought of:
> 
> "So, do you enjoy your current job?"
> 
> Hmmm second thoughts, I dunno. Na, just leave it, it'll come up.


Hm. Interesting. I love my work and enjoy talking about it sometimes but after thinking on it, I can find out the same things by asking "Do you like to read? What genre?" or "Where do you like to go/what do you enjoy doing on vacation?" or "What charitable causes do you support or touch you the most?" etc.

I'll do that from now on. In the past I have deduced a lot about what the person enjoys based on their job. But now that I think about it, that's the wrong approach because some people don't LIKE their job that much; it's a means to an end. Therefore it won't tell me much more than the work hours they keep.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Betrayedone said:


> Meetup groups have been good to me......I expect nothing except to make a good time for myself and I'll be darned if someone doesn't get sucked into my vortex......take a look, give them a try!


It seems almost all of the meetup groups I am in are held during the week. WTF? Do these people not have stuff to do? I was told that's when most of the venues are slower so they accommodate the groups to drum up business. I have evening obligations of a family, even if it's only one child. I'm not going to abandon her for my own whims and I actually LIKE her company. She's funny.

And the active ones like outdoor activity groups seem to all be late 20s to early 30s.

The ones for "life after 40" are filled with frumpy 50-something WOMEN. Even if I were just looking for more female friends to hang out with, I do not jive with the frumpy crowd. Just because I can cook and sew does not make me frump material. :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

2asdf2 said:


> Let me one-up you guys.
> 
> All the stuff you've talked about gets magnified x10 when you are 70, and have not dated for 52 years!!!
> 
> Having said that, I enjoyed the challenges, and struggled with the bipolar rejection phenomenon, like some of you have expressed.
> 
> For me, for rejection has bothered me when I asked: "Is it ok to call you?" and when I called, the ladies did not want to pick up the phone. As you emphasize being upfront, am sure that you understand that I would have preferred to be told that calling would not have been ok.
> 
> Also, it seemed to me strange that women my age would become coy, and gladly accept my offers of a date, but never initiate dates even after having gone on several dates with me already.
> 
> Obviously I have lots to learn.



Yeah but they'd be old school wouldn't they ? Nothing wrong with old school is there , seems like it's new school that's a mess :scratchhead:

ps , don't worry l think we all got lots to learn in this business.


----------



## Fenix

EnjoliWoman said:


> It seems almost all of the meetup groups I am in are held during the week. WTF? Do these people not have stuff to do? I was told that's when most of the venues are slower so they accommodate the groups to drum up business. I have evening obligations of a family, even if it's only one child. I'm not going to abandon her for my own whims and I actually LIKE her company. She's funny.
> 
> And the active ones like outdoor activity groups seem to all be late 20s to early 30s.
> 
> The ones for "life after 40" are filled with frumpy 50-something WOMEN. Even if I were just looking for more female friends to hang out with, I do not jive with the frumpy crowd. Just because I can cook and sew does not make me frump material. :rofl:


That hasn't been my experience at all.

They have been a lifesaver and in my area, the ages run the gamut and are very equally distributed between men and women.

I also like a mid week drink.  In fact, I prefer to spend at least one *weekend * evening with my teens so it is nice to have some midweek things on. But, at 15 and 16, mine don't need me every evening. YMMV.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Fenix said:


> That hasn't been my experience at all.
> 
> They have been a lifesaver and in my area, the ages run the gamut and are very equally distributed between men and women.
> 
> I also like a mid week drink.  In fact, I prefer to spend at least one *weekend * evening with my teens so it is nice to have some midweek things on. But, at 15 and 16, mine don't need me every evening. YMMV.


Mine is 15 and no way would I leave her to go out. Not because she can't fend for herself but because as a parent that's where I'm supposed to be - with my family [of one]. I trust her, but it's lonely for just one to be home, I think. Maybe if she had a sibling like yours I would feel differently. As to the weekend, when she is with me I spend ALL weekend with her. But then again my house is the gathering place - usually there are other girls here.


----------



## whitehawk

Betrayedone said:


> Meetup groups have been good to me......I expect nothing except to make a good time for myself and I'll be darned if someone doesn't get sucked into my vortex......take a look, give them a try!



Yeah , hear a lot of good stuff about meetup. l might be wrong but the problem was l couldn't find anything going on anywhere near my area . l could only find one , 6 members , 2 meetups a yr :smthumbup: umm, was sorta hopin for a bit more action :lol:
l'll have to try looking a bit further, must be some somewhere .

Bought a new canoe last night , bit bigger than my other one. Be great to find a canoeing partner to .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , hear a lot of good stuff about meetup. l might be wrong but the problem was l couldn't find anything going on anywhere near my area . l could only find one , 6 members , 2 meetups a yr :smthumbup: umm, was sorta hopin for a bit more action :lol:
> l'll have to try looking a bit further, must be some somewhere .
> 
> Bought a new canoe last night , bit bigger than my other one. Be great to find a canoeing partner to .


Same, can't find many decent meetups in my smallish area. 

Oh and I also own a canoe! Do you do lake canoeing or river?


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> It seems almost all of the meetup groups I am in are held during the week. WTF? Do these people not have stuff to do? I was told that's when most of the venues are slower so they accommodate the groups to drum up business. I have evening obligations of a family, even if it's only one child. I'm not going to abandon her for my own whims and I actually LIKE her company. She's funny.
> 
> And the active ones like outdoor activity groups seem to all be late 20s to early 30s.
> 
> The ones for "life after 40" are filled with frumpy 50-something WOMEN. Even if I were just looking for more female friends to hang out with, I do not jive with the frumpy crowd. Just because I can cook and sew does not make me frump material. :rofl:



haha yeah , l love the regeneration thing. You know all the regeneration plant and tree stuff around beaches and roadsides. First thing l thought hmm, might get into some of that but they were all old frumpies too . Nother 20yrs and l'll be in business :smthumbup:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , hear a lot of good stuff about meetup. l might be wrong but the problem was l couldn't find anything going on anywhere near my area . l could only find one , 6 members , 2 meetups a yr :smthumbup: umm, was sorta hopin for a bit more action :lol:
> l'll have to try looking a bit further, must be some somewhere .
> 
> Bought a new canoe last night , bit bigger than my other one. Be great to find a canoeing partner to .


I think it really does depend on the area. In a couple years when kiddo is gone I might be able to attend more functions. The wine group did tour a winery on a weekend but I had kiddo that weekend.

Do you have a Go Pro?? You need one with the forehead strap and water proof case for the amazing scenery you'll see in the canoe!! My parents have one and really enjoyed it when they used it every summer.


----------



## whitehawk

TheGoodGuy said:


> Same, can't find many decent meetups in my smallish area.
> 
> Oh and I also own a canoe! Do you do lake canoeing or river?



Same problem hey . l'm gonna try looking a bit further out , might find something.

Yeah we've got a big lake and river mouth and then a fkg long river on the end of it. l'm new at canoeing l only bought my first one 4mths ago but l really love it , just something l've always wanted to do. l hope to do some of the other rivers around when l get more experience .
How about yourself ?


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think it really does depend on the area. In a couple years when kiddo is gone I might be able to attend more functions. The wine group did tour a winery on a weekend but I had kiddo that weekend.
> 
> Do you have a Go Pro?? You need one with the forehead strap and water proof case for the amazing scenery you'll see in the canoe!! My parents have one and really enjoyed it when they used it every summer.



Oow l like the wine tours , what a shame you missed it. Hey , we can do our own out on the lake :rofl:
l've never heard of it , new kid on the block and all or in this case,canoe :lol:
What is it ?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

whitehawk said:


> Same problem hey . l'm gonna try looking a bit further out , might find something.
> 
> Yeah we've got a big lake and river mouth and then a fkg long river on the end of it. l'm new at canoeing l only bought my first one 4mths ago but l really love it , just something l've always wanted to do. l hope to do some of the other rivers around when l get more experience .
> How about yourself ?


Been canoing on local rivers mostly for the past 15 years. It was always good family fun. About 5 years ago I bought my own. Good call to get some experience on a calm lake before venturing into the rivers. Some are calm, some have some hidden dangers (rocks, fallen trees, etc) hiding just under the water. 

I've never been whitewater rafting or kayaking, but it looks like fun to do once. I mostly like the lazy float down the river, with a cold beverage in my hand type of float. :smthumbup:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

whitehawk said:


> Oow l like the wine tours , what a shame you missed it. Hey , we can do our own out on the lake :rofl:
> l've never heard of it , new kid on the block and all or in this case,canoe :lol:
> What is it ?


Go Pro is a mini digital video recorder that you can mount to just about anything. Gives you a 1st person view of everything you look at if you strap it to your head or helmet.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> Oow l like the wine tours , what a shame you missed it. Hey , we can do our own out on the lake :rofl:
> l've never heard of it , new kid on the block and all or in this case,canoe :lol:
> What is it ?


confused? Go Pro camera? Canoe brand I don't know - been in barn for years now. 

Hey we could bring 6 different bottles and have a wine tasting in the canoe!


----------



## Fenix

EnjoliWoman said:


> Mine is 15 and no way would I leave her to go out. Not because she can't fend for herself but because as a parent that's where I'm supposed to be - with my family [of one]. I trust her, but it's lonely for just one to be home, I think. Maybe if she had a sibling like yours I would feel differently. As to the weekend, when she is with me I spend ALL weekend with her. But then again my house is the gathering place - usually there are other girls here.


Seriously? Wow. I think a bit of alone time is healthy for a 15 year old. I am not talking every night, but once or twice/week? Yes.

I have 100% custody so I might feel differently if I didn't.


----------



## Fenix

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think it really does depend on the area. In a couple years when kiddo is gone I might be able to attend more functions. The wine group did tour a winery on a weekend but I had kiddo that weekend.
> 
> Do you have a Go Pro?? You need one with the forehead strap and water proof case for the amazing scenery you'll see in the canoe!! My parents have one and really enjoyed it when they used it every summer.


It is very dependent on the area. There are literally thousands here.

WH, you could always start one for canoers!  You never know...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Fenix said:


> Seriously? Wow. I think a bit of alone time is healthy for a 15 year old. I am not talking every night, but once or twice/week? Yes.
> 
> I have 100% custody so I might feel differently if I didn't.


I actually had this same thought, my daughter has always LOVED alone time! (she is 17 now) 13-15yrs is the time when parents get to start breaking free a little bit!


----------



## badcompany

MissFroggie said:


> Genuine question - what's wrong with Canadians? :scratchhead:


Canadian rush on Costco milk frustrating Bellingham customers | KING5.com Seattle

This is what we have to deal with at nearly EVERY major store unless you go later at night.


----------



## badcompany

MissFroggie said:


> Ah I see - it's not Canadians, it's _rude_ Canadians
> ...unfortunately they're the only ones you're meeting atm


It's not even so much that, but there is the whole ripple effect. At peak times the border crossings back up 1-2 hours or more. When it wasn't like this, cross border dating used to be very common but now with the huge crossing waits I know a lot of people have it right in their profiles that they don't want to deal with the border.


----------



## Sandfly

:Always nice to see you on a thread, MissF.

I hear you about the University experience - everyone always asks what their course is, I suppose I did this too, but out of genuine interest, it wasn't like criteria for friendship.

But the job thing - it's a criterion!

I thought of another reason. You're living in the City...!

It's like the done thing to ask about jobs down in the City, because jobs there - while they barely cover the bills - on the face of it are well paid, diverse and interesting.

I stay away from London even though the wages and prospects are much better down there, not because I don't want interesting work, but because of the following drawbacks:

-Longer hours and unpaid overtime.
-Travel time
-Crowded living conditions
-Anomy (never getting a sense of community).

The balance of power in favour of landlords was one of those things for you... hearing about that keeps me up here where the wages are lower... and people don't tend to talk about their exciting careers in the minimum wage sector 

So with this is in mind, given where you live, and reading your post, perhaps for you, whether someone is stressed to the max with their high-flight on-call job _really is _an important thing to know.

Still, it'll come up naturally anyway. How can it not, if people in your area are spending 12 hours of each day either travelling to work, or working?

Interesting post, BTW, I didn't understand how it might be important, but people who hate their jobs - as opposed to those who merely don't talk about their work - are proper mood-killers for sure.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Fenix said:


> Seriously? Wow. I think a bit of alone time is healthy for a 15 year old. I am not talking every night, but once or twice/week? Yes.
> 
> I have 100% custody so I might feel differently if I didn't.


True - I have primary custody but she's already home alone after school from 2:45pm until I'm home at 6pm. I think that's enough.


----------



## firebelly1

Sandfly said:


> I find it weird to talk about work when I'm not at work.
> 
> I see why you might ask about it, but from you helping me understand something on another thread, and from reading about your life to this point, I _already _know you're not superficial.
> 
> In your future encounters, I would recommend you don't do it. It puts some of us on guard.


Hm. Usually one of the first questions I ask anyone I meet, man or woman, is "What do you do?" I've only ever thought of it as polite conversation, so I'm a little surprised that it could be thought of as offensive.


----------



## Sandfly

Miss F, I had in my mind, that by the third evening spent together, if the subject didn't come up, then it would be strange.

You mention months... if it takes months, then you need to ask them this question:

kakova vasha konkretnaya zadacha v Anglii? 
Vozmozhno, u nas yest' tot zhe komandir...?

Firebelly1, not offensive, just possibly tension inducing.


----------



## Sandfly

Hmmm, so I see that if you go to google it translates zadacha as 'problem' rather than 'task', maybe this is a dialect thing...

Guess I'll have to provide it:

You use the phrase provided. It translates:

What is your specific task (problem, mission, objective) in England?

Perhaps we have the same handler...(regimental commander)?

Tee hee!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

firebelly1 said:


> Hm. Usually one of the first questions I ask anyone I meet, man or woman, is "What do you do?" I've only ever thought of it as polite conversation, so I'm a little surprised that it could be thought of as offensive.


I agree. It would be different to blurt out, "so how much money do you make??".

I just hate dating in general. I have a first date tonight, and I am going back and forth between slight excitement, and dread.


----------



## firebelly1

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree. It would be different to blurt out, "so how much money do you make??".
> 
> I just hate dating in general. I have a first date tonight, and I am going back and forth between slight excitement, and dread.


Well good luck 3x. I have a first date on Saturday and feeling the same way.


----------



## 2asdf2

I play soccer with a bunch of older people who only talk about soccer. It is a pleasure to play, no one knowing what anyone does for a living.

Gradually one does find out. What a wonderful mix of produce pickers, scientists, laborers, university professors, shop assistants, etc.!!

At parties I have always hated the question "what do you do?" Often an innocent question, but often a pecking-order oriented one.


----------



## stillhoping

Hey 2, I played soccer in an over 40 league and you are right, it took years for us to talk about our kids or work or spouses. It didn't seem to matter. In the end, we were all over the place, toddlers and college kids, divorced, single, gay and married. Phd's to housekeepers and none of it mattered. Keep those things out of the date until you decide to have another. 

I did think of another thing I hate about dating, the lack of familiarity. I just want to sit on my couch in my pjs in this snowstorm, but the relationship is not quite that far along. So instead, we make plans to go out.


----------



## Jellybeans

stillhoping said:


> I did think of another thing I hate about dating, the lack of familiarity. I just want to sit on my couch in my pjs in this snowstorm, but the relationship is not quite that far along. So instead, we make plans to go out.


Yep. :rofl: I know exactly what you mean.


----------



## stillhoping

Its not funny! :iagree: I miss putting my ratty old sweats on and snuggling in for the night. I am not sure we are ready for that quite yet. That's the hardest part of missing the xH, making dinner together, putting on comfy clothes, watching something on tv.


----------



## firebelly1

stillhoping said:


> Its not funny! :iagree: I miss putting my ratty old sweats on and snuggling in for the night. I am not sure we are ready for that quite yet. That's the hardest part of missing the xH, making dinner together, putting on comfy clothes, watching something on tv.


I agree. But on the up side, now when I get dressed up, there's someone who actually notices and says something nice vs. the ex who stopped noticing me in year 2 of our marriage.


----------



## firebelly1

MissFroggie said:


> I'm glad they're an ex! x


Me too!


----------



## 2asdf2

MissFroggie said:


> I always saw it as a topic of conversation to find common ground - even if that was just that we both enjoy our jobs and are enthusiastic about them or really like the kind of people we get to work with etc.
> 
> 
> 
> But you had soccer to talk about! On a first date it can be hard to find anything to talk about without asking questions, but that's hard when you're balancing up not prying but being genuinely interested. We have to avoid religion, politics, kids (or you've brought up the ex), childhood, family, now work is off limits...what _are_ we allowed to talk about?
> 
> Hobbies is an awkward one because that can be done and dusted in about 10 minutes if you don't know much about it - I mean, how would I know what to ask about 'fishing' or 'karate' or 'going to the gym'? Then they ask me and my hobbies are the same things I do for work...and now we're talking work and it would be rude not to ask what he does now I've said what I do! Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh!!! :banghead:
> 
> What _can_ I ask about? Help me pleeeeeeease!!!


If I were British, I'd say: The weather! Since I am not, I'll tell you that asking about things the other person is interested in is always sure to pay off.

You can ask:

What things interest you that you may want to know more about?

Would you ever want to go back to school just for the learning aspect? 

Have you mapped out any plans for post-retirement activities?

If sports are not your thing, what would you recommend as life-long activities?

If literature is not your thing, what things would you recommend for those dark, snowy, winter evenings at home?



I did not mean to write up a list, but the point is to let the other person tell you about him/her self and build on that as topics of conversation.

If work comes up as a topic, fine, talk about that. If not, fine, don't talk about it. OK either way with me.


----------



## firebelly1

2asdf2 said:


> If I were British, I'd say: The weather! Since I am not, I'll tell you that asking about things the other person is interested in is always sure to pay off.
> 
> You can ask:
> 
> What things interest you that you may want to know more about?
> 
> Would you ever want to go back to school just for the learning aspect?
> 
> Have you mapped out any plans for post-retirement activities?
> 
> If sports are not your thing, what would you recommend as life-long activities?
> 
> If literature is not your thing, what things would you recommend for those dark, snowy, winter evenings at home?
> 
> 
> 
> I did not mean to write up a list, but the point is to let the other person tell you about him/her self and build on that as topics of conversation.


Sorry, but, ack. Here's what I really WANT to know on a first date just so I can weed people out:

- Do you like performing oral?
- Are you okay with sex at least three times a week?
- How are you with handling money? 
- If I don't hang up my towel, what will you do?
- What do you know about conflict management?
- Are you addicted to anything? 
- Do you vote Republican or Democrat?
- Are you religious? 
- Do you want (anymore) kids?

And really, those are the key points. I do realize that it's too much too soon on some level, but telling me what they want to do after retirement just doesn't give me any insight into them that is relevant to the things I really want to know. 

Part of me thinks my ideal first date would be a speed dating event in which each person I talk to answers each of these questions. Then, I narrow them down by who is most attractive. So much work that usually takes forever done really efficiently.


----------



## 2asdf2

firebelly1 said:


> Sorry, but, ack. Here's what I really WANT to know on a first date just so I can weed people out:
> 
> - Do you like performing oral?
> - Are you okay with sex at least three times a week?
> - How are you with handling money?
> - If I don't hang up my towel, what will you do?
> - What do you know about conflict management?
> - Are you addicted to anything?
> - Do you vote Republican or Democrat?
> - Are you religious?
> - Do you want (anymore) kids?
> 
> And really, those are the key points. I do realize that it's too much too soon on some level, but telling me what they want to do after retirement just doesn't give me any insight into them that is relevant to the things I really want to know.
> 
> Part of me thinks my ideal first date would be a speed dating event in which each person I talk to answers each of these questions. Then, I narrow them down by who is most attractive. So much work that usually takes forever done really efficiently.


You gave me a great laugh, and on a dark, snowy, winter night that is priceless.


MissFroggie was asking. I meant to convey that eliciting the other person's interests provides endless openings to drive the conversation wherever you want to take it. But, you knew that.



- Do you like performing oral? *Love it*
- Are you okay with sex at least three times a week? *You'd kill me, but: what the heck*
- How are you with handling money? *Gimme some and I'll show you.*
- If I don't hang up my towel, what will you do? *Dry my balls with it.*
- What do you know about conflict management? *Who wants to know? Biatch?*
- Are you addicted to anything? *TAM*
- Do you vote Republican or Democrat? *Independent*
- Are you religious? *Should I be?*
- Do you want (anymore) kids? *I don't date kids, sorry.*

Do I have a snowball's chance?


----------



## 2asdf2

Hey Froggie!

Get in line, I have dibs on this!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

2asdf2 said:


> If I were British, I'd say: The weather! Since I am not, I'll tell you that asking about things the other person is interested in is always sure to pay off.
> 
> You can ask:
> 
> What things interest you that you may want to know more about?
> 
> Would you ever want to go back to school just for the learning aspect?
> 
> Have you mapped out any plans for post-retirement activities?
> 
> If sports are not your thing, what would you recommend as life-long activities?
> 
> If literature is not your thing, what things would you recommend for those dark, snowy, winter evenings at home?
> 
> I did not mean to write up a list, but the point is to let the other person tell you about him/her self and build on that as topics of conversation.
> 
> If work comes up as a topic, fine, talk about that. If not, fine, don't talk about it. OK either way with me.


Um, yeah, some of these would just get a >slow blink< out of me. This would feel more like a job interview, and I can tell there would be no "click" going on here for me.


----------



## 2asdf2

3Xnocharm said:


> Um, yeah, some of these would just get a >slow blink< out of me. This would feel more like a job interview, and I can tell there would be no "click" going on here for me.


Hey go easy on me. 

I was proposing ways to have a conversation other than "what kind of work do you do?" Does that question get you clicking better? 

No, I did not think so.


----------



## firebelly1

2asdf2 said:


> You gave me a great laugh, and on a dark, snowy, winter night that is priceless.
> 
> 
> MissFroggie was asking. I meant to convey that eliciting the other person's interests provides endless openings to drive the conversation wherever you want to take it. But, you knew that.
> 
> 
> 
> - Do you like performing oral? *Love it*
> - Are you okay with sex at least three times a week? *You'd kill me, but: what the heck*
> - How are you with handling money? *Gimme some and I'll show you.*
> - If I don't hang up my towel, what will you do? *Dry my balls with it.*
> - What do you know about conflict management? *Who wants to know? Biatch?*
> - Are you addicted to anything? *TAM*
> - Do you vote Republican or Democrat? *Independent*
> - Are you religious? *Should I be?*
> - Do you want (anymore) kids? *I don't date kids, sorry.*
> 
> Do I have a snowball's chance?


Definitely.  If I don't hang up the towel, I deserve sweaty ball residue.


----------



## firebelly1

MissFroggie said:


> I'd prefer a date like that too lol.
> 
> PS. How did I do?


Very interesting. If you weren't a chick, I'd probably give you a second date.


----------



## firebelly1

MissFroggie said:


> That's also assuming I'd gone home lol


Good point. Your answers to 2 and 4 would probably make me want to jump your bones.


----------



## 2asdf2

You ladies have just messed up the fantasies of all the men on TAM.


----------



## firebelly1

2asdf2 said:


> You ladies have just messed up the fantasies of all the men on TAM.


Sorry 2! MissFroggie - do you want to make out and make the men happy?


----------



## Thundarr

firebelly1 said:


> Sorry 2! MissFroggie - do you want to make out and make the men happy?


Without pictures it didn't happen.


----------



## Thundarr

MissFroggie said:


> Actually Firebelly and I were just teasing...we already know all this about each other because it has happened...
> 
> Yes Thundarr, I even have photos to prove it!
> 
> And....I'll even share them!
> 
> Here is when the deed itself took place:...
> This is our love child - our frog with a firebelly  :...


ohhh hot.


----------



## firebelly1

What can I say? We make beautiful babies.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Jellybeans

You gals are a hoot!


----------



## Forever Changed

All this stuff about dating has left me very, very cold. Who could be bothered with all this crap? Better to be alone than have to deal with all this!


----------



## Jellybeans

Awww. Cheer up, Forever.

It only seems daunting because most of the time it's a strike out, with so many rules and games. BUT, hopefully in time we all get someone to date who is pretty darn cool. 

Don't lose the faith!


----------



## firebelly1

I know it feels like that for me sometimes too Forever. Take the questionnaire. It will cheer you up.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## firebelly1

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Forever Changed

Did take the questionnaire, so many rules and I don't know what the 'right' answer is. Rules, games, rules, tests, red flags, tests, rules on and on and on. I simply don't have the energy!


----------



## Forever Changed

Yeah took that one. Again, I don't know what the 'right' answer is to a 'date' (snigger) with a girl. One wrong word, one wrong move, one millisecond of hesitation - you're out, boy.


----------



## Thundarr

Forever Changed said:


> All this stuff about dating has left me very, very cold. Who could be bothered with all this crap? Better to be alone than have to deal with all this!


That will keep you from getting in your own way FC. Not looking for "Mr right / Mrs right" is the very thing that keeps us from jumping too quick. You can just meet and connect with people and it doesn't have to be anything more than that; until it is.


----------



## Jellybeans

MissFroggie said:


> Damn I'd better delete my 'like' - I thought you said HOT!!!  Yeah, we're on fire baby!
> 
> 
> 
> Or HOT, get it right Jellybeans - we had flames and everything!
> 
> Yeah, do the survey Forever, have a laugh  At least you have standards that mean when you do meet someone it'll be worth it! BIG HUGS!!!


Hehe. You are FLAMES. And you are HOT.  Hee hee. 

Forever--if you tip-toe too much around what the right thing to say is, t hen it will only suck more. The key is being yourself on a date and if someone likes it, sweet. If not, onto the next one. 7 billion people and all...on this planet. 
As long as you aren't rude and disrespectful, I don't think you need to worry too much about offending someone.


----------



## firebelly1

Here are the "right" answers for me Forever:

- Do you like performing oral? (Answer should be a resounding YES)
- Are you okay with sex at least three times a week? (Ditto)
- How are you with handling money? (I have a steady income. I save some of it. I'm not drowning in debt and I plan to keep it that way.)
- If I don't hang up my towel, what will you do? (That will never happen)
- What do you know about conflict management? (A lot, and I'm good at it.)
- Are you addicted to anything? (See #1)
- Do you vote Republican or Democrat? (Make a rational, socially compassionate argument either way and I'm with you)
- Are you religious? (Probably not)
- Do you want (anymore) kids? (Only almost grown step kids)

There. Easy.


----------



## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> - Do you like performing oral? (Answer should be a resounding YES)


Hehe, me too I seriously can't ever imagine being with a man who isn't into it. No way. Never.


----------



## Forever Changed

LOL Thanks for that. You know, the phrase "Be Yourself" goes against every single thing I have read on TAM about 'chasing/dating' someone. Said it before, sayin' it again


----------



## Jellybeans

Well there is a difference... the 180 of "NOT chasing" a partner who is running away from you is completely different compared to the being yourself on initial dates with someone.


----------



## Forever Changed

Eh. I'm still not into it. Dating and relationships is for the birds (is that what you say in the US?). Too much work, too much effort! For what? What exactly? Love? LOLOLOL. I don't think so. 

I'm too old, tired and only care about #1 these days!

Enjoy yourselves!!!


----------



## firebelly1

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe, me too I seriously can't ever imagine being with a man who isn't into it. No way. Never.


Amen sister.


----------



## Forever Changed

Yes.

One thing I've never understood is men that don't like giving oral. What's the go? It's great! And thats enough thread jacking .... carry on


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL. I loooove how MissFroggie just spun Forever's need for #1 into him caring about oral sex. :rofl: Seriously I almost died laughing over here. Brilliant!

(and she's right, you know). 



Forever Changed said:


> Eh. I'm still not into it. Dating and relationships is for the birds (is that what you say in the US?).


Haha. Yes, we say that. In fact, I use that phrase all the time. Hahahaha.



Forever Changed said:


> Too much work, too much effort! For what? What exactly? Love? LOLOLOL. I don't think so.
> 
> I'm too old, tired and only care about #1 these days!
> 
> Enjoy yourselves!!!


You know what is completely ironic, Forever?

That attitude is probably going to attract women to you. The fact that you don't want a relationship may make them more interested in you (that whole 'want what you can't have' thing). Seriously. On the other side of that, it seems that in those times that you are least looking is when, BAM!, you get hit over the head with the love baseball bat.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

:rofl:

Reminds me of when I was telling this guy I do not want to get married... and he thought I was joking first...then he started trying to win me over. I was like, "Oh I was serious." It's like he wanted to crack me. HAHAHA. The fact I wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind only turned him on more. 

Be careful when you walk out the door one of these days is all I am saying, FC.


----------



## firebelly1

Forever Changed said:


> Yes.
> 
> One thing I've never understood is men that don't like giving oral. What's the go? It's great! And thats enough thread jacking .... carry on


No...you are invited to stay as long as you want if you're talking about oral.


----------



## firebelly1

That's so funny! There really is a firebelly toad!


----------



## Jellybeans

Forever Changed said:


> Yes.
> 
> One thing I've never understood is men that don't like giving oral. What's the go? It's great! And thats enough thread jacking .... carry on


Forever,

You should check out this thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/144625-men-who-dont-like-giving-oral.html

Hahaha


----------



## 2asdf2

Forever Changed said:


> Eh. I'm still not into it. Dating and relationships is for the birds (is that what you say in the US?). Too much work, too much effort! For what? What exactly? Love? LOLOLOL. I don't think so.
> 
> I'm too old, tired and only care about #1 these days!
> 
> Enjoy yourselves!!!


If I'm not too old, nobody is too old!

Dating is fun, challenging, exhilarating, and -above all- rejuvenating.

Join the fun! It's a hoot! (even in Oz, I am sure.)


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> confused? Go Pro camera? Canoe brand I don't know - been in barn for years now.
> 
> Hey we could bring 6 different bottles and have a wine tasting in the canoe!


Ahh great minds  , although l'm pretty sure your mind is a lot greater than mine :rofl:
Funny , few mths back my ex said to me what are you gonna do with a canoe. l said park it in the middle of the lake and sip on wine all day :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Seriously? Wow. I think a bit of alone time is healthy for a 15 year old. I am not talking every night, but once or twice/week? Yes.
> 
> I have 100% custody so I might feel differently if I didn't.



Yeah l agree . Mines nearly 13 and doesn't mind a bit if l nick out somewhere for a few hrs .
l sort of had a thing about leaving her alone to although l wouldn't for too long just yet .
But now she takes great pride in growing up. lt comes across as a trust thing to and she really appreciates that.
But then if yours joli is already alone a good few hrs each evening. She probably loves to see you for a few hrs then but not mind maybe later if you run out for a little while now and then or on wkends.


----------



## whitehawk

TheGoodGuy said:


> Been canoing on local rivers mostly for the past 15 years. It was always good family fun. About 5 years ago I bought my own. Good call to get some experience on a calm lake before venturing into the rivers. Some are calm, some have some hidden dangers (rocks, fallen trees, etc) hiding just under the water.
> 
> I've never been whitewater rafting or kayaking, but it looks like fun to do once. I mostly like the lazy float down the river, with a cold beverage in my hand type of float. :smthumbup:



Ha ha yeah , that's exactly my kind too. The white stuff would be fun once or twice with a friend that knows what they're doing but really , just floating down some waterway's fine with me to.
l do hope to maybe do some long river trip to sometime . A wk or two , pull in and camp on the sides , be really cool l reckon.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> It is very dependent on the area. There are literally thousands here.
> 
> WH, you could always start one for canoers!  You never know...



Could l guess , already have a business though , nuff organizing for me to be honest . Hey l'll find someone else and plant the idea in their head 
Wanna get a new motor bike too , can't afford one yet though. There's always plenty of bike clubs round .


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree. It would be different to blurt out, "so how much money do you make??".
> 
> I just hate dating in general. I have a first date tonight, and I am going back and forth between slight excitement, and dread.


l hate the thought of it too and it just doesn't fee right either . We should still be married.

l dread the money thing seems people in their 40s seem so money money these days . l have properties but debt too and not much cash thanks to my sep.
So it sounds like l must be doing really well , till l look in my wallet


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe, me too I seriously can't ever imagine being with a man who isn't into it. No way. Never.


There are men who aren't into going down on women?!? I seriously love it. Wtf is wrong in their heads? Although, I could ask the same q of women on here. Do YOU enjoy giving oral to a man as much as I do to a woman?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

MissFroggie said:


> I always saw it as a topic of conversation to find common ground - even if that was just that we both enjoy our jobs and are enthusiastic about them or really like the kind of people we get to work with etc.
> 
> 
> 
> But you had soccer to talk about! On a first date it can be hard to find anything to talk about without asking questions, but that's hard when you're balancing up not prying but being genuinely interested. We have to avoid religion, politics, kids (or you've brought up the ex), childhood, family, now work is off limits...what _are_ we allowed to talk about?
> 
> Hobbies is an awkward one because that can be done and dusted in about 10 minutes if you don't know much about it - I mean, how would I know what to ask about 'fishing' or 'karate' or 'going to the gym'? Then they ask me and my hobbies are the same things I do for work...and now we're talking work and it would be rude not to ask what he does now I've said what I do! Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh!!! :banghead:
> 
> What _can_ I ask about? Help me pleeeeeeease!!!



Your over thinking it all way too much , don't worry , be happy, enjoy.
All this stuff comes about in it's own sweet time and ways , just let the flow flow .
And hey , another thing is remember they'll be just as thinking and nervous too.
Another thing - oh God not another one , yep but eh , some silence is fine too don't forget . l've been very comfortable around some people at times yet there's maybe not that much said and l can tell they have been too, sometimes they might even say that .
But if there's none of any of that and that's gonna happen sometimes , then so be it , it happens , goodnight :rofl:

Just try and let it all take care of itself because if there's anything there it just will.
Anyway good luck and enjoy yaself .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

whitehawk said:


> Ha ha yeah , that's exactly my kind too. The white stuff would be fun once or twice with a friend that knows what they're doing but really , just floating down some waterway's fine with me to.
> l do hope to maybe do some long river trip to sometime . A wk or two , pull in and camp on the sides , be really cool l reckon.


Never done weeks at a time. The longest I did was 21 miles over 3 days. Camping on the side of a river is extremely fun and different. That doesn't sound that bad until you factor in alcohol consumption (10 years ago, no kids..). I don't know that I could handle being on the river longer..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Forever Changed said:


> All this stuff about dating has left me very, very cold. Who could be bothered with all this crap? Better to be alone than have to deal with all this!



Yep feel the same way , dunno what l'm gonna do , just can't be fkd with any of it but l'd like some company and a bit of fun.


----------



## whitehawk

Forever Changed said:


> LOL Thanks for that. You know, the phrase "Be Yourself" goes against every single thing I have read on TAM about 'chasing/dating' someone. Said it before, sayin' it again



Haha yeah it does to . Goes against anything you read anywhere , worlds gone mad.


----------



## whitehawk

2asdf2 said:


> If I'm not too old, nobody is too old!
> 
> Dating is fun, challenging, exhilarating, and -above all- rejuvenating.
> 
> Join the fun! It's a hoot! (even in Oz, I am sure.)



Thanks for the inspiration 2 .


----------



## Jellybeans

TheGoodGuy said:


> There are men who aren't into going down on women?!? I seriously love it. Wtf is wrong in their heads? Although, I could ask the same q of women on here. Do YOU enjoy giving oral to a man as much as I do to a woman?


Yeah, apparently there are people who are gung-ho against it. I believe in reciprocity. :smthumbup:


----------



## firebelly1

TheGoodGuy said:


> There are men who aren't into going down on women?!? I seriously love it. Wtf is wrong in their heads? Although, I could ask the same q of women on here. Do YOU enjoy giving oral to a man as much as I do to a woman?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know the level of your ardor but I do really like it. And I like being able to get a man to O that way. It feels like success.


----------



## Jellybeans

MissFroggie--I think it's the context in how one asks.

Bad: "So how much money do you make" (totally crass)

versus

Better: So what do you do for work? 



firebelly1 said:


> I don't know the level of your ardor but I do really like it. And I like being able to get a man to O that way. It feels like success.


As Borat would say:


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## firebelly1

MissFroggie said:


> Lol, I'd never ask about money or debt!!!
> 
> I usually ask if they enjoy their job - they say yes or no, then they say a little or a lot about their job.


I'm with you. I'm wondering since Sandfly is from the UK if this is a UK think vs. American thing or if Sandfly has just been burned by so many gold diggers.


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## firebelly1

MissFroggie said:


> IDK, but I'm in the UK too


 I could have checked that. So theory one down.


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## Betrayedone

Borat! My favorite movie of all time! Yes!


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## firebelly1

MissFroggie said:


> Or maybe that's why I'm so rubbish at dating!!! :rofl:


I think you can only be "rubbish" at dating in the UK.


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## Sandfly

firebelly1 said:


> I'm with you. I'm wondering since Sandfly is from the UK if this is a UK think vs. American thing or if Sandfly has just been burned by so many gold diggers.


Ahem!

I've not been burned, fortunately, because I don't ignore the signs, no matter how gracefully they bat their lashes. They do a funny thing with their voices too... like 'teehee!' cutesy sort of thing. It's really fake. So it's not hard... just disappointing that they are going to have to miss out on me, through their own silly fault 

Ever met a male gold-digger? I'd be really fascinated to hear what they are like !


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## firebelly1

Sandfly said:


> Ahem!
> 
> I've not been burned, fortunately, because I don't ignore the signs, no matter how gracefully they bat their lashes. They do a funny thing with their voices too... like 'teehee!' cutesy sort of thing. It's really fake. So it's not hard... just disappointing that they are going to have to miss out on me, through their own silly fault
> 
> Ever met a male gold-digger? I'd be really fascinated to hear what they are like !


I think that's the type of guy who isn't working, doesn't really feel the need to work, and is happy to stay at your place, eat your food, etc.


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## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> I think that's* the type of guy who isn't working, doesn't really feel the need to work*, *and is happy to stay at your place*, eat your food, etc.


Yeah, hell, no.

Biggest turn off ever.

I seriously would find that so unattractive (do find it so unattractive). Especially if he can work and chooses not to and to mooch off others. 

No way, Jose!


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## firebelly1

Yikes Missfroggie. In both of my marriages I ended up leaving the relationship with more debt than I came into it with. The second's motorcycle was a loan in my name. 

I bought a house as a single mom before my second marriage. We used the equity from that house that my second and I Bought and have now had to short sell because of the market and the divorce. Makes me sick to my stomach. But I can't entirely blame them. I could have said "no". 

But sandfly - these stories are the reason we want to know about a man's financial situation. The men we'be been with have used us financially.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## whitehawk

Sandfly said:


> Ahem!
> 
> I've not been burned, fortunately, because I don't ignore the signs, no matter how gracefully they bat their lashes. They do a funny thing with their voices too... like 'teehee!' cutesy sort of thing. It's really fake. So it's not hard... just disappointing that they are going to have to miss out on me, through their own silly fault
> 
> Ever met a male gold-digger? I'd be really fascinated to hear what they are like !


Hey , l'm thinking of becoming one , why the hell not everything else turns to [email protected]
New strategy maybe - real loves just a fantasy these days - forget about it and find some money


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## 2asdf2

MissFroggie said:


> I've had 4 male gold-diggers (all abusive in other ways too):
> 
> Ex#1 - I had 6 months left of my degree, he contributed nothing, we were only dating, that's fine....until I graduated and started earning and he suddenly wants to move in, quit work and wants me to PAY him through uni. As he had zero academic qualifications that would have been a minimum of 5 years mooching while a single mum supports him. No thanks! When I said I'd be there for him but couldn't take that financial responsibility he yelled at me, "But I supported you through your degree!" What????? He was only with me the last 6 months and I paid for all of it, while juggling a baby and we didn't even live together! I paid his travel to visit and mine to visit him too.
> 
> I discovered after we split up he tried the same stunt with his ex - as soon as she graduated and got work he moved in and bled her dry until she kicked him out. He claims 'He let her keep the house' - it was HER house!!!
> 
> Ex#2: My career and income was pretty good by this point. He had just graduated and was struggling with work so I helped him secure jobs using my contacts. When he got to the point he was getting enough regular work we rented a place together on the basis he paid 1 third, I paid 2 thirds (I have a child). He paid his third for the first month then nothing...
> 
> After we split up I found out he had lived with his ex rent-free (she owned a nice flat) all through his degree and they had a huge row and she kicked him out after she asked him to help her with a bill she couldn't manage - he'd had 3 years free rent and left rather than contributing to one bill!
> 
> Ex#3: He was crazy and when I needed rid of him he demanded money - I hadn't got any and was fearful for my life. He was super crazy, psycho-type crazy and I genuinely believed he was capable of murder. My brother paid him thousands to leave me and my kid alone...he accepted it and left the city. I suspect his no1 motive for dating me was access to money.
> 
> Ex#4: Never paid for anything after the first couple of months of dating...which had predominantly been going halves. Then he stopped having his half even. He was at my flat even when I said I was busy and helped himself from the cupboards as if he lived there. He knew there was a lump sum about to come in FOR MY DAUGHTER and he told me that I don't need to put it into her account because I would be doing better for her future by using it myself now to further HIS business! What?????
> 
> He is another who claimed he let his ex keep the house - what??? Do you mean the flat she RENTS? Oh how generous of you to allow her and your daughter to keep on the apartment you couldn't afford without her and she is paying for, rent and bills etc as you're not even paying the child support you told me you paid each month....and got me to bail you out on several times!!! She never saw a penny in child support - not even the money I had given him for her when he said he hadn't got enough! I should have given it to her directly!
> 
> Maybe you will understand why dating is a scary thing for me and knowing a man can pay his share is important. All 4 had massive debts that they lied to me about, but when the bailiffs turn up and the letters keep pouring through your address because they've decided to give your address as their postal contact (without permission), then you know it's bad!
> 
> I feel like getting full credit checks and police checks done before I even bother with a first date - I'd like employer references too and a chat with the ex over a coffee would be a good idea
> 
> Edit: I have ALWAYS been worse off financially for having a bf.


You being such a soft touch, I am offering my platonic, supportive, loyal friendship.

Will you be my (belated) Valentine?


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