# I still have difficulty addressing issues important to me.



## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

One of my biggest problems in our relationship is addressing issues important to me. I always feel like I have no place to open my mouth or if I do, I go about it the wrong way. several of my therapists have said that it was on her being unwilling to receive the information I was sharing as much as it was how I presented it at times. I have since worked on my end, but I still hit road blocks with her. Real situations, but paraphrased examples:

Me: I don't really feel that important to you. I feel like you place everybody above me.( in regards to forgotten birthday( been friends for 16 and couple for 12 years), date, father's day) 
Her: tears and "I'm sorry, I'll try to do better." or anger and "You are so full of it. I do everything I can for you...".

I also don't know how to tell her I want more physical intimacy, not sex(sex has been a long while, but not my source of fulfillment in my relationship). We just started being more physical, but it seems I have to initiate, which reminds me of when we still lived together. She still has nightmares about becoming pregnant or being pregnant. She recently explained to me why she refused to seek IC for it. I also don't know where to begin with explaining to her how Us time always becomes her sleeping time. She seems to be oblivious to what is needed to rebuild us.

In all, I just want to spend time with her in a non-childcentric manner. Likewise, her living with her controlling mother does not help her our situation, it makes it so much worse.


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

Hi

I don't think it's so uncommon for men not to speak out when it's really bothering him/them. 

Are you English? (I'm from UK)
It is not much of a relationship/marriage if you don't communicate.
However, I think it is very common. Perhaps, you are afraid of her poor reaction. Are you a quiet type who wants to avoid conflicts by not talking? My spouse is like this. 
This character trait has both good and not so good aspects as I found out myself over the years.

Good luck.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I am not English, I am from the U.S. perhaps a trait passed through generations. I use to be very vocal( not in an negative manner), but after repeated negative reactions from my wife, I lost this ability. I am the quiet type, but not one that tolerates mistreatment. I don't know how to say to my adult wife,"I wish you would kiss me more." or " Please be more intimate with me." Separate houses make this even worse, but overall, we have improved.


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

Agast84 said:


> I don't know how to say to my adult wife,"I wish you would kiss me more." or " Please be more intimate with me." Separate houses make this even worse, but overall, we have improved.


Yes. It could be. 

Just say it? Particularly, if it's important. (It sounds very important)

Better than you end up seeking someone else to fulfill your needs.

Best Wishes,


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

Omegaa said:


> Yes. It could be.
> 
> Just say it? Particularly, if it's important. (It sounds very important)
> 
> ...


Sometimes it feels like the more viable option. I am at the point of not wanting to see her, because I just end up hurt. Her best friend is coming into town soon, and I doubt she will make time for us. She was supposed to spend the night at my place with the kids, but developed a head ache( she has them often, head injury, but some times it feels like an excuse). I was visibly upset, as I had been excited at the thought of us watching a movie and snuggling all week, but then she became overly apologetic and physically clingy as I drove them back to her place. The frustrating part is everything is my idea. She never makes them, prompted or not. Since having kids, she would rather stay at home and do anything but go out, unless it was with her friends.( that has changed greatly)


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