# Why is she mad at me ? Why won't she look at me ?



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

My original thread is my signature.

I went off thread because I am just curious if others have had this during their soon to be divorce.

My wife who had the affair is mad at me ? She will not talk to me. She will not even look at me if I try to talk to her. 

I don't understand honestly what this is. 

Yes I guess I hounded her a bit about trying to fix this. 

But this time around I told clearly told her. I am not here to cry to beg for you back. I'm not here to ask you to stay. 

I'm here to understand why fvck are you so mad at me !

I didn't any of this. Why are you now mad mat me ? 
Is it because your afraid your boyfriend will get upset with you because we are nice to each other ? We have kids together we need to find some common ground. 

I expressed what are we going to do for our kids birthdays in the next 2 months March and April. 
What are we going to do for my youngest communion ? 
I was honest I don't want this OM there.

I asked why won't you even look at me ? 

All she said was she was tired and didn't want to talk. Though she was watching TV. 

I asked her okay, when give me a date and time you want to talk ?

She says its the same conversation we had before. Meaning her telling me she doesn't love me anymore. 

I expressed it's not. Because again I am not asking her to stay. I am trying to figure out how we are going to do this for our kids. Or are we just going to be like tons of other divorces where she does something stupid and I take her to court and back and forth.

My brother tells me that I just drowned her so much with trying to work this out that she is just done. That it will get worse and then one day she will just start talking a bit normal or civil to me.

I just find it so fvcking weird that she won't even look at me. Its almost like she is nuts. 

A friend of mine expressed that event though she has not said anything that she also might be having her doubts. I was thinking the same. Basically she went down this road and now she has to see it through to the end. 
That is is being mean or hard because she might still have feeling and its her way to combat those feelings.

I'm just trying to understand if this is just a sign of disgust from her to me or being ashamed ? 

Its just really weird.


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## SeekingClosure (Jan 24, 2013)

One word ... GUILT. Talking or interacting with you is a reminder of what she has done. 

Even those who outwardly act as if they are confident and proud of their actions still feel some shame for the damage they did to themselves, their families, and the ones they ("used to") love. 

Though getting them to admit it is another story ... mine only once in a drunken rage screamed out, "you know why we could never get back together ... because every day I'd have to look at you and feel guilty for hurting you" (I never heard this again, but it stuck with me even after all the coldhearted actions from then until now (almost 1.5 years later).


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## mad6r (Dec 31, 2012)

I have the same problem with my STBXW, she will not talk to me so I just leave her alone and all of a sudden I get a call and or a text from her. If you can leave her alone and let her contact you about the kids. I got tired of asking my WS to call or see the kids and if she doesn't its on her.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Are you doing the 180? If so keep it up. Don't come off as needy/pushy/weak and concerned about how she's feeling. Do you think she cares about how YOU'RE feeling? Doubtful.

She's most likely just feeling sorry for herself and if you keep giving her that type of attention she's just going to keep that type of behavior up. Like a child who throws temper tantrums because their parents will always come running to see what the problem is and try to figure it out. Let her wallow in the consequences of her own mistakes. Don't stress yourself out trying to "figure her out".


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

My ex is the same. Wants nothing to do with me, hates me, doesn't want to see me. I gave up trying to get answers after I moved out. But the pure HATRED he has for me is unreal. 

He was starting an EA with a co-worker when I left. (PA 5 years earlier with a different co-worker) He was married 2 weeks after our divorce was final to a different girl than he was involved with the EA with. Yet he hates me and wants nothing to do with me.

Guilt is the only thing I can think of......but I really try not to think about it. Trying to get closure from a cheater is like trying to find the fountain of youth!


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I have a lot of the same with my EX... I don't think it is so much guilt as it is not being able to face what they have done. It's blame shifting. If they can blame someone else then they can look at themselves and say how good they really are.

If they have to stop and look at themselves then they can have doubts and worse remorse...

I see it in my EX. She looks at me at times like she just hates me and others she knows she really screwed up but it doesn't matter. It is the past and it will even out over time.

I don't hate her back but I ignore her as much as possible.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

STOP TALKING TO HER! If you have upcoming things happening with the kids. PLAN IT OUT YOURSELF and tell her the plan and walk away. If she wants to be involved in planning. Set a time with her to discuss just that.

You need to distance yourself and stop caring about her perceptions.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

She sounds like a real peach.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

As far as the 180, I am past that. My lawyer should be giving me the final draft of the divorce papers for her to sign this week. 

There is no trying to get her back. I'm honestly over that whole part. 

I just didn't get that now, that it is all really said and done. WTF is the issue ? It really is weird how she looks down. I just never seen her like this and it seems like she snapped. 

But I agree. I'm just going to let it all go.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Hardtohandle said:


> I'm just going to let it all go.


Good for you.  There are another few billion women on the planet - don't waste another second on this one.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Stop talking to her except if it is about the kids. Ignore her like she is invisible and doesn't exist. 

My exww did this too. No eye contact, no honesty, openness, stared at the floor, never wanted to talk about it...etc. I put up with this from her for over a year. I finally gave up trying to figure out what the h*ll was wrong with her and filed for divorce. 

It could be guilt, shame, contempt...who knows...who cares. They are broken and we can't fix them. Let them be someone else's problem. They will repeat their mistakes again with the next guy or OM...guaranteed.

My divorce was final 3 weeks ago. I'm leaving her in a cloud of dust and tire smoke.


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