# At breaking point



## denversun (Oct 4, 2014)

My Husband of 1 year likes to take recreational drugs with his group of single friends, we have been together in total for 6 years on and off and been through many issues together, one of which is him sleeping with someone on a lads holiday just a month after we had got back together.

When we first got together I knew he smoked pot and did drugs but I always thought that as he got older this would cease as he grew up. Its probably worth mentioning at this point that he does have depression and throughout our life together he has gone through cycles of smoking pot every day to complete abstinence, when he drinks there's no such thing as a few he takes it to the extreme. More recently he's been throwing himself into gambling and came home last week $250 worse off.

The fact is I think I'm dependant on him and I despise myself for it I wish I didn't care. I cannot understand how I've got myself to a stage that I can't live without him. Every time we've split up he's ended it and then wanted me back. He has always had nights at his mates houses and this is a weekly Friday night thing where he goes out straight from work. I can guarantee once a month he wont come home cos he's playing poker with the guys. Often he won't get in touch unless I get in touch with him to find out where he is and when he eventually does get in touch it's because he wants a lift home. I've tried saying no to a lift and then he just stays out even later coming home at 7pm for what's left of our weekend.

Every time I broach the subject with him he says that I knew this when I met him so I knew what I was getting into. His other married friends go out too but go home around midnight and when I've brought this up he doesn't see why marriage would mean he has to come home. He says he feels like he is living with a parent and considering I do most things round the house it feels like it too.

I've recently had a cervical procedure and had a haemorrhage at the beginning of the week due to doing too much. He took the week off work to look after me (whilst playing online poker) and went out at 5pm yesterday and he is still not home. I got a text in the early hours asking a lift in the morning and by midday I hadn't heard anything so rang him and he wanted a lift in a hour or so. I told him I wasn't his taxi so now he's getting the bus. Not before he's watched all today's sport over at his friends house.

I'm literally at the end of my fuse. I'd never stay out all night it feels like he has no respect. Whichever way I try and deal with the situation nothing ever works in my favour. He is very good with words and every argument we have I end up apologising. I wish so much I didn't love him. Sometimes I hope that his behaviour will finally push me away but I am still waiting. 
I can't talk to anyone about this anymore. I know what people think and they think I am weak and a pushover and they are right. I just wish someone could hypnotize me out of this nightmare. I feels so alone.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you looked into counseling to see why you're willing to put up with this? Because you're the only person who can change your situation. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## denversun (Oct 4, 2014)

I went to counseillng for generalized anxiety but I didn't have the courage to bring it up I felt embarrassed. I've talked over the phone I seem to find this easier. I think what you have suggested is good though and I think I need to bite the bullet and give it a try.


----------

