# "You're Not Pretty Enough"



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Saw this and thought it was worth posting. The idea of a husband who has cheated, saying these words to his betrayed wife just made me cringe.

I'm a big advocate of attraction. I'm also a big advocate of not being cruel and demonstrating dignity.

Cheating Husband's Cruel Words Inspires Campaign for Change | ABC News Blogs - Yahoo!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Not to get political, but.....wasn't that what Newt Gingrich told his first wife? What a superficial comment.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I think she's cute.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

tom67 said:


> I think she's cute.


:iagree:

funny how they don't show what the husband looks like


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

We know that the problem is not her, the problem is HIM. 

No matter how beautiful you are, your beauty is not what stops men from cheating.


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## Burned (Jul 13, 2013)

''You're not pretty enough" Should be followed by "But I married you"


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Classic blame-shifting maneuver. She's well rid of him.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Your partner knows you deeper than anyone else knows you and the best insult they can come up with is You're not pretty enough? weak and pathetic.Clear grasping at straws to attempt justification.

She can do better and hopefully has by now.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

One of my favorite TLC.
TLC - Unpretty - YouTube

" *We are far more worried about our own appearances than other people are..*." explained Art Markman, a Ph.D. in behavioral psychology. [ Excerpt fro the article linked]


" Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder " we often hear them say. But most are often led to believe that beholder is supposed to be external. 
On the contrary, there are _" ways of seeing."_
One of these _" ways of seeing "_ is how we view ourselves.

This, IMO is what led that woman to fight back.
Just some food for thought.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Can't access YouTube at work, but Dove did an advertising campaign where an artist drew two pictures of a woman:

1 based on her own description of herself
And 1 based on a description by a stranger

Then the women got to see the pictures side-by-side. It was fascinating to watch.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Attractiveness is only one aspect in why some people cheat. I mean, quite often it seems to me that the OW is actually -less- attractive than the wife, she just brings something else to the table. 

I mean - have you spotted the chick that Halle Berry's husband cheated on her with? Eh ... not so much. 

I think the unforgivable thing here wouldn't neccessarily be the cheating, but the unwillingness to own it, and trying to blame the spouse entirely for the decision. As that shows someone who lacks any kind of remorse and needed to not only be a cheater, but totally crush their partner's soul while they were at it.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I've heard about her movement. I think her ex-husband said this to her about 13 years ago, but it's more recently that she started her campaign to empower women.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Great post! Thanks!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I believe it's widely accepted that men "affair down". I know I saw the stats on that one time. That's what my divorce attorney tells me anyway. He is always making comments about what my estranged husband takes up with.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
- Benjamin Franklin


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Burned said:


> ''You're not pretty enough" Should be followed by "But I married you"


...should be followed by, "I may not be 'pretty enough' but I'm DEFINITELY *SMART* enough NOT to continue to be married to someone who doesn't think I'm pretty enough! Here's your divorce papers..."


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

She's pretty enough for me...


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

tom67 said:


> I think she's cute.


:iagree:

*She's VERY CUTE!*


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

what an *******!


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

MY WH told me that he was not physically or sexually attracted to me anymore after being marriaed 30 years.

He said that I had a pot belly, big butt and flabby upper arms.

He told me that he is looking for a "sexy and skinny" companion.

This weight issue started 4 years ago about the time he was having a EA with his Size 2 secretary.

I have the worse self esteem that I have ever had in my life. I cannot even look at myself in the mirror. I am embarrased to see him.

I was once a cute little cheerleader and homecoming queen and he wants me to look like that again.

He also recently said to me that, "The OW reminds him of how I used to be."

I don't think my self-esteem will EVER recover.

VH


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

VeryHurt said:


> MY WH told me that he was not physically or sexually attracted to me anymore after being marriaed 30 years.
> 
> He said that I had a pot belly, big butt and flabby upper arms.
> 
> ...


I'm so amazed that he, however, still looks like he did 30 years ago...issed:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

VeryHurt said:


> MY WH told me that he was not physically or sexually attracted to me anymore after being marriaed 30 years.
> 
> He said that I had a pot belly, big butt and flabby upper arms.
> 
> ...


Don't beat yourself up over that dear.
His sentence _WILL _come....
And I'm sure about that.
I've seen it over and over.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

if you want to be happy the rest of your life ....pick yourself an ugly wife.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Don't beat yourself up over that dear.
> His sentence _WILL _come....
> And I'm sure about that.
> I've seen it over and over.


Dear Carribean Man and Lonely In Love ~

I hope you are right about his sentence will come as I feel just pathetic as a wife and a woman. Those comments have hurt me to the core. Beyond insenstitive.

Dear Lonely in Love ~

He does NOT exactly look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. Not an ounce of muscle tone on his entire body, hasn't been to a Gym since Clinton was in office, a hairy pot belly, couldn't even bring a loveseat downstairs a few months ago without gasping for air, limps horrible because he did not follow the Orthopedics advice following a mid-life crisis motorcycle accident where he broke his ankle and required surgery, hasn't been to a dentist to clean the tartar off his yellow teeth since Bush One was in office, his cholesterol numbers are out of control, he blood pressure is too high, his testosterone level is non existant, he has an Acoustic Neuroma and he will probably get Altzheimers like his mom, dad and grandfather. 

Hmmm, let's see, did I miss anything ??

If I did, I'll get back to you!!!!!

Very Hurt


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

VeryHurt said:


> Dear Carribean Man and Lonely In Love ~
> 
> I hope you are right about his sentence will come as I feel just pathetic as a wife and a woman. Those comments have hurt me to the core. Beyond insenstitive.
> 
> ...


Hmmm... sounds like a great catch!! 

Listen - I've heard that kind of talk from a couple of men before and let me tell you, that just shows you the type of person that they truly are. You and I can firm up those problem areas but we know that inside, we are kind and loving people. Guys like this may think that they are all that and "deserve" the petite, young things but inside they are ugly. They are not kind or loving. 

Lift yourself up. Don't depend on someone else to do that. You are beautiful inside and outside - even if the outside needs a little work, that's okay. Nothing that a few lifestyle changes cant fix.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

in my tree said:


> Hmmm... sounds like a great catch!!
> 
> Listen - I've heard that kind of talk from a couple of men before and let me tell you, that just shows you the type of person that they truly are. You and I can firm up those problem areas but we know that inside, we are kind and loving people. Guys like this may think that they are all that and "deserve" the petite, young things but inside they are ugly. They are not kind or loving.
> 
> *Lift yourself up. Don't depend on someone else to do that. You are beautiful inside and outside - even if the outside needs a little work, that's okay. Nothing that a few lifestyle changes cant fix.*


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


@Very Hurt.

Listen to that woman.
Especially the highlighted part.
I fully endorse what she has posted.
Because she too, has been through quite a lot in her life.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> 
> @Very Hurt.
> ...


Thanks CM! That means a lot. 

VH - not all men are like that. Just look at this thread. CM and many others do not think like that nor treat their partners like that. I understand getting down on yourself. Hell, I STILL have days like that but I know deep down that much of that goes back to my younger years. No, we're not perky cheerleaders anymore but there is so much more to us than that. Work on yourself for yourself, not for him. And that means more than hours in the gym. How about a class or a new hobby? Get away from him a little and have experiences that make you feel better. Good luck!!


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

VeryHurt said:


> MY WH told me that he was not physically or sexually attracted to me anymore after being marriaed 30 years.
> 
> He said that I had a pot belly, big butt and flabby upper arms.
> 
> ...


My husband did the same thing and said pretty much the same thing. I wonder if I'm so ugly why did he get so jealous when this guy in a store was following me around then came up to me and said how hot he thought I was. Maybe I don't do anything for him but apparently other men find me attractive.

People like that only care about themselves. I don't know if they even know the meaning of love or loyalty. One thing is for sure since he said those things and cheated sex isn't much fun with him anymore. He won't say he is sorry or that he loves me so I don't try to have sex with him. There's nothing in it for me.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

barbados said:


> :iagree:
> 
> funny how they don't show what the husband looks like


Someone that would say that is probably ugly on the outside and I know they are ugly on the inside.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

I do feel slighly better since I read all your posts.....even if it's temporary. 

I was discussing this with my therapist today who calls him "quite shallow."

I have to start to think of myself the way my many freineds and family think about me: fun, witty, smart, clever, humorous, a decent person, a caring nurse, a dependable friend, a great mom, aunt, sister and a lady with a little pot belly and flabby upper arms.

Saturday night I forced myself to go out for dinner and everyone commented on how it was "nice to see the old VH again." I was my usual self, teasing the waiter, witty and outspoken.

When I was driving home I thought to myself, I would never have been that verbal and funny if my STBXH was with me as he was always critical of me. 

I am now wondering if he was just jealous of the way I can engage people and people just relate to me and he has one or two "superficial" buddies?"


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

Yes, I have read this entire thread but haven't remembered a single syllable since I read Newt Gingrich. Eww.


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