# Don't think I can do this much longer



## km0711 (Mar 26, 2012)

So I am on my 3rd marriage. My 1st ended bc I was young and he kept going to jail for drugs (1 kid). My 2nd ended due to domestic violence (3 kids). After my 2nd husband I packed up the kids and moved to a new state to start over. I was alone for quite awhile and decided to try again. I met my current husband via the internet in march 2011. We are from 2 different backrounds but we still had things in common and we got along. We got married in july 2011 and I was already hesitant up to the last second. 

His family and I don't get along, his ex wife (4 kids) and I can't stand each other, his kids have spread malicious lies and wrecked my house, and he's only held a job for maybe 2 months out of the year we've been together and his favorite thing to do is to hussle. He does get disability money but that isn't even enough to cover rent.

I am so sick of being the one to have to pay for everything, keep the household together, and then look at his face all day ughhh. I have told him my feelings over and over and it's a dead end. So I know I want to divorce him but I just don't know when. I think I am leaning towards getting everything as caught up and taken care of in my life as possible (bills, kids, car, etc..) and then just drawing up the papers. I'm tired of the promises and the fact that he is such a liability to me plus the fact that he always seems to pick on my oldest son because he is book smart and not street smart like he is. This is just not working. Does anyone have any advice for me? There's plenty of things missing in the story to conserve space but feel free to ask and I'll tell.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It seems you have a pattern in your life with getting with men who are damaged in their own lives and take it out on you, whether it be emotionally or physically.

Right now your situation is bleak. It's also what happens when you marry someone 4 months after meeting them.

I know you're tired of the monetary burden and the stress, but aren't you also tired of this pattern? What makes you think you're not worthy of love or a healthy relationship? What happened to your self-esteem? Why do you not respect yourself?

You barely know your husband. His ex wife and you don't get along because she probably saw this as a crazy situation. 4 months after knowing each other, you two get married....she didn't know you and I, personally, wouldn't want my children around my ex's new wife in that situation. that's just me, but maybe it was her as well.

I do not know what to do about your current situation. I do suggest helping yourself.

If you divorce, do it asap. Get it rollin. Give your child some stability and work on yourself for a while. You do not need a man to be validated. You need to learn to love yourself.


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## km0711 (Mar 26, 2012)

I know. I am always looking for love in the wrong places it seems. I know what type of man I want and deserve but I keep marrying the opposite. Smh. We married quickly because of his kids. Due to his parenting plan with the ex his kids were not allowed to come to our home unless we were married and since they couldn't come over the ex wouldn't let him see them at all. She didn't like me because I was his 1st serious relationship post their divorce. She remarried in 2010 and really shouldn't care what he does in that respect but she does.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've had issues picking winners before, so you stay independent for awhile before starting yet another relationship. But you met him in March, and were married in June? With multiple kids and families and ex's to deal with? 

My advice, dump him ASAP, however you need to. Talk to a lawyer, see if you can get it annulled, whatever. 

After that, get some personal counseling before you start any new relationships, focusing on why you've picked the men you have. You've had on common denominator in all your past relationships, and it's not the men.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

km0711 said:


> I know. I am always looking for love in the wrong places it seems. I know what type of man I want and deserve but I keep marrying the opposite. Smh. We married quickly because of his kids. Due to his parenting plan with the ex his kids were not allowed to come to our home unless we were married and since they couldn't come over the ex wouldn't let him see them at all. She didn't like me because I was his 1st serious relationship post their divorce. She remarried in 2010 and really shouldn't care what he does in that respect but she does.


This is such a horrible excuse/reason to get married.

There would have been nothing wrong with dating someone.

Learn to take care of yourself and support yourself. The ex has every right to care what he does...they are her children. I would be VERY concerned if my ex (older daughter's father) decided to get married after 4 months  Well, not now because he moved out of state and barely sees our daughter, but that's my own Oprah 

I think now is the PERFECT time to put yourself first and work on YOU and building a life for your child. Get stable and learn your worth. Be single for a while. Make that choice to date yourself.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

This doesn't sound like it is working at all. It is not too late to get out of this relationship with him. More concerning to me though is how he treats you child. So, kick his a** to the curb, and take a long break from any other man right now. Find out what it is that you want for your life and how that fits in with doing the correct things for your children and yourself. Take looking for love off of your things to do list. Like that girl said, you do not need a man to feel validated. Take care~


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