# Day 3 of me practicing the silent treatment!!



## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

I am getting 😡 by the minute. I mean I know he is am avoider but come on!! At least approach me and ask to talk about it, the only thing he does is say : I love you! Great what else? In the past and they haven't been many fights with us. I always initiated the conversation to fix the problem. I really really really want him to initiate it for once. So ladies how long did you last during a silent treatment?
Ps : the argument was about the stupidest thing but it was the last drop for me. I don't feel that I am his priority at all while he is my everything. His 24 year old son is his number 1 priority.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Lolati11 said:


> I don't feel that I am his priority at all while he is my everything


First, no one can or should be your "everything". That is a very unhealthy thing. Your spouse should enhance your life but they cannot and should not be the end all be all of your happiness.

Second, the silent treatment is not a good method for conflict resolution. It will not work and it's incredibly immature. Get back to the drawing board and try again.


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## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

bobert said:


> First, no one can or should be your "everything". That is a very unhealthy thing. You spouse should enhance your life but they cannot and should not be the end all be all of your happiness.
> 
> Second, the silent treatment is not a good method for conflict resolution. It will not work and it's incredibly immature. Get back to the drawing board and try again.


Thank you. When I say he is my everything I mean I value his opinion, I listen to him when he talks. I don't mean the world revolve around him. In a way I just dont feel loved anymore. But I will take your advice and approach him .we are too old to act like kids 😏


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Lolati11 said:


> I am getting 😡 by the minute. I mean I know he is am avoider but come on!! At least approach me and ask to talk about it, the only thing he does is say : I love you! Great what else? In the past and they haven't been many fights with us. I always initiated the conversation to fix the problem.* I really really really want him to initiate it for once.* So ladies how long did you last during a silent treatment?
> Ps : the argument was about the stupidest thing but it was the last drop for me. I don't feel that I am his priority at all while he is my everything. His 24 year old son is his number 1 priority.


Unfortunately, you can WANT him to initiate conversation about fixing things all you want to, it does not mean it's going to happen. Getting someone who is avoidant to initiate that kind of conversation is kind of like trying to crack a stone with a tweezers. The tweezers is going to break long before that rock gets cracked...probably not going to happen anytime soon.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You're wasting your time.

I just divorced this type of guy and he could play dumb far longer then I could hold out. Conflict avoiders excel at this.

Come to terms with what you've got or leave.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Lolati11 said:


> I don't feel that I am his priority at all while he is my everything.


And THAT'S your problem right there.

Never make ANYONE your "everything." That's ludicrous. He's supposed to complement your life, not BE your life.

Get the book "Why Men Love B*itches" and read it about 200 times. No, it's really not about being a *****, it's all about how to live your *own* life rather than living it for a man. You'll just be disappointed every single time (as you're learning). And men really don't respect women who are just too accommodating because it makes them look desperate.

Read the book. I NEVER recommend self-help books but this is one I do. 😁


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It’s unlikely he‘s going to change how he deals with his son. That means at some point you’ll accept it or you’ll move on.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And THAT'S your problem right there.
> 
> Never make ANYONE your "everything." That's ludicrous. He's supposed to complement your life, not BE your life.
> 
> ...


I have that book....have read it more then once but also realized that I'm naturally that way 😀


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Lolati11 said:


> Thank you. When I say he is my everything I mean I value his opinion, I listen to him when he talks. I don't mean the world revolve around him. In a way I just dont feel loved anymore. But I will take your advice and approach him .*we are too old to act like kids* 😏


So stop acting like a toddler, and pouting with the silent treatment. Talk to him. 

The silent treatment is not only incredibly immature, it's also a form of emotional abuse and is a very effective way of controlling someone. If my husband pulled that crap, I'd leave the house and not return until he talked to me.


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## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

Thank you all for your feed back ! He actually approached me today and we talked about our issues . He actually realized that by me not talking to him at all that something was seriously wrong . He took the time to analyze his behavior and admitted that certain things need to change . Of course I am not expecting it to happen overnight but just the fact he car to term with it proves he is willing to try .


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## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

frusdil said:


> So stop acting like a toddler, and pouting with the silent treatment. Talk to him.
> 
> The silent treatment is not only incredibly immature, it's also a form of emotional abuse and is a very effective way of controlling someone. If my husband pulled that crap, I'd leave the house and not return until he talked to me.


This is the first time I tried the silent treatment I am usually the talker and the one that always want to discuss things . It actually worked we talked today and I a hopping for the best .


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## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And THAT'S your problem right there.
> 
> Never make ANYONE your "everything." That's ludicrous. He's supposed to complement your life, not BE your life.
> 
> ...


I have that book I read a while back .


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Lolati11 said:


> This is the first time I tried the silent treatment I am usually the talker and the one that always want to discuss things . It actually worked we talked today and I a hopping for the best .


While you may have gotten a result from it, it's too early to tell if it "worked". 

I really hope you don't make it your go to solution. Grown ups just don't behave that way. Sorry.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lolati11 said:


> I am getting 😡 by the minute. I mean I know he is am avoider but come on!! At least approach me and ask to talk about it, the only thing he does is say : I love you! Great what else? In the past and they haven't been many fights with us. I always initiated the conversation to fix the problem. I really really really want him to initiate it for once. So ladies how long did you last during a silent treatment?
> Ps : the argument was about the stupidest thing but it was the last drop for me. I don't feel that I am his priority at all while he is my everything. His 24 year old son is his number 1 priority.


What are some of the things about him and his son that are getting you upset?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Lolati11 said:


> This is the first time I tried the silent treatment I am usually the talker and the one that always want to discuss things . It actually worked we talked today and I a hopping for the best .


Please don't make this a standard practice. It is quite painful for those unused to dealing with it. For those like me that are used to dealing with it, it has the opposite effect than is intended.

If you are having the problem, then you are the one that is going to have to initiate the conversation, I'm afraid.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

No one should ever use the silent treatment, that’s a form of emotional abuse. Stepping away for a few hours is one thing... days of silence is a whole other thing. It’s childish and disrespectful. Please don’t do this again. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Lolati11 said:


> I have that book I read a while back .


*Read it again. 😁 *


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

frusdil said:


> While you may have gotten a result from it, it's too early to tell if it "worked".


It didn't change him. 

He's still who he always was and sadly, she'll find that out the very next time he reverts back to his usual behavior.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Lolati11 said:


> I am getting 😡 by the minute. I mean I know he is am avoider but come on!! At least approach me and ask to talk about it, the only thing he does is say : I love you! Great what else? In the past and they haven't been many fights with us. I always initiated the conversation to fix the problem. I really really really want him to initiate it for once. So ladies how long did you last during a silent treatment?
> Ps : the argument was about the stupidest thing but it was the last drop for me. I don't feel that I am his priority at all while he is my everything. His 24 year old son is his number 1 priority.


If ever one of us gets silent for say an hour or so as a protest, I will consider the marriage terminated. To me spouses should talk no matter what has happened. The minute one decides to shut word shop is the minute the marriage ends. In 15 years we have never used silence as a protest. It is disallowed by our Marriage constitution and anything written in there is written in stone. It can only be changed by both of us. So in my opinion, if you decided to become silent, then it is you who should decide when the silence ends. But If my husband ever gets silent that silence may well be a lot more serious than whatever the issue was. 

We has a system where if one says we need to talk, we book the time and we sit down, in the living room or kitchen and talk. We are not allowed to raise issues of discussion of important item in the bedroom. If a matter arose in the bedroom, we need to get out of there and discuss it some place else. The bedroom is a special place.


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## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

MaiChi said:


> If ever one of us gets silent for say an hour or so as a protest, I will consider the marriage terminated. To me spouses should talk no matter what has happened. The minute one decides to shut word shop is the minute the marriage ends. In 15 years we have never used silence as a protest. It is disallowed by our Marriage constitution and anything written in there is written in stone. It can only be changed by both of us. So in my opinion, if you decided to become silent, then it is you who should decide when the silence ends. But If my husband ever gets silent that silence may well be a lot more serious than whatever the issue was.
> 
> We has a system where if one says we need to talk, we book the time and we sit down, in the living room or kitchen and talk. We are not allowed to raise issues of discussion of important item in the bedroom. If a matter arose in the bedroom, we need to get out of there and discuss it some place else. The bedroom is a special place.


I really like your approach about how you handle situations . I normally talk everything through weather he wanted to hear it or no . This time we had no privacy at all the house was full and I didn’t want to argue in the bedroom either


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## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> It didn't change him.
> 
> He's still who he always was and sadly, she'll find that out the very next time he reverts back to his usual behavior.


I am not trying to changing nor do I want him to change me 😁 . I guess it was a desperate move to get his attention . I didn’t approach him first because A after 10 years he should know when I am irritated .B we had no privacy as we had company . He is still working on it slowly .


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Lolati11 said:


> Thank you all for your feed back ! He actually approached me today and we talked about our issues . He actually realized that by me not talking to him at all that something was seriously wrong . He took the time to analyze his behavior and admitted that certain things need to change . Of course I am not expecting it to happen overnight but just the fact he car to term with it proves he is willing to try .


Some people need to be hit in the head like this before they act


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## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> It didn't change him.
> 
> He's still who he always was and sadly, she'll find that out the very next time he reverts back to his usual behavior.


I just read this comment 2 years later …. He never reverted back he actually talks more now , i never wanted to change him. Just needed better communication.


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