# Will I be happy?



## raleighguy (Sep 20, 2009)

This is my first time here, I'll jump right into it. I'm 31, been married 4 years. Six weeks before my wedding, I found out my wife had an emotional affair with a coworker. She told me at the time that it was a "crush" and nothing physical happened. We got married and went to a counselor during the beginning of our marriage. 1 year ago, she came out and told me that the coworker was more than emotional, and it did get very physical for 3-4 months. I was devastated when I found this out, it still isn't easy to live with. She no longer works at the same place. The other guy was married, his wife just had a baby at the time the affair happened. I've always been faithful.

She lied to me for 3 years about what she did. Over the past year, we've seen a different counselor who has helped her a lot. The new counselor pointed out she is codependent, which stems from the way she was raised. Her parents called her fat, told her she was stupid, and hit her sometimes. She gets along great with her parents now.

She's changed over the past year. However she's always been very immature, she has low self esteem, no confidence, and she's always focused on how bad she looks even though she's physically beautiful in every way. She loses her temper sometimes and throws horrible crying fits over the stupidest things. The tantrums don't happen often, but they are intense. I almost laugh at it, which I know doesn't help at the time.

Her low self confidence really bugs me. She still feels as though she is stupid. I try to build her up but it seems hopeless sometimes. I really believe she's only cheated the one time. I handle the finances, I try to get her involved with them but she has a hard time with numbers. Sometimes I feel like it's a parent/child relationship. She complains about her job, she complains about cooking/cleaning, which she does handle most of the time. She really wants to be a stay at home mom. Many things stress her out.

She really is beautiful, but she might not ever believe it. She'll be 30 years old soon and still thinks she's worthless. I realize all women freak out from time to time, but during her tantrum today she was screaming and slamming things with tears covering her face because she was out of mouse (for her hair). We were about to go out with friends. She thought her hair looked bad all night, but her view is still distorted. She looked great.

She's been talking about having kids for many months. I told her she needs to be happy with herself before we bring kids into our lives. She's more worried about having kids before she's 35 than actually being ready for kids. Now she's mad at herself for the tantrum since she knows it doesn't make her look ready for kids. She is constantly obsessed with her looks. I'll say it again, she is beautiful but she always finds fault in her looks.

I don't expect perfection. I'd just like to be with a woman that can handle life. The affair is not easy for me, but I can get over it. I just don't know if I'll be happy with a woman that can't love herself. I think we all learn from our mistakes. She lets mistakes set her back and make her not feel good enough. I really don't know how to help her. She still talks to the counselor some but then she has an occasional blow up that makes me wonder. The counselor has helped us. How will she ever accept herself? How can I be happy if she doesn't?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

No one can make another person happy. Happiness is something you have to find within yourself. So the answer to the question "Will I be happy?" is entirely up to you. I sincerely hope you do find it.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

When she throws a tantrum, have you tried holding her close, making her feel loved? This goes a long way. I think she needs professional help and I would not have kids until you work this out.


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