# Tired of feeling unseen.....



## FindingMyself!2019 (Aug 4, 2019)

Where do I start.......Been married for 13 years and I pretty much have been miserable the entire time. I have never felt like I have a partner and person that truly just loves me for me. I have become the "fixer", the "saver" and been used. This may be pretty long.

Whenever my husband is down and out and needs help I step up to the plate and help him. A few years ago he needed a car. I took my tax refund and bought him one, put it in my name and even paid the insurance. Now years later I need a car and he doesn't help me at all and he says it doesn't matter that I bought him a car. He always says I don't do anything and calls me broke. Mind you I am on disability because of my condition and STILL helps with the bills. I never feel seem, never heard it's like I don't really exist. 

He comes home from work and I see him all of 5 minutes before he has a boat load of fellas over here hanging out in the yard......which isn't even really ours. Long story short he wanted to "rent to own" his cousins house. When we came here the house wasn't livable at all. His cousin said that he wasn't going to fix anything to make it livable. We had to spend money to get it back together, plus pay rent every month, the house insurance and property taxes every year. Everything is just one bad mistake after another. Keep in mind we live next door to his parents. I'm just a roomate here really. His Mom come and takes over. There is absolutely no respect for me or my kids. I want to leave so badly. We haven't had sex in a year. I'm repulsed. I dont want someone who makes me feel less than, sicks as a provider, lies and steals from me to touch me. I know I'm all over the place. I just need to get out.was


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## SurfsUpToday (Dec 6, 2021)

I’m so sorry. That sounds like an miserable time. I’d be wanting out if I was taken advantage like that. Only advice I have is stop taking care of him and start looking for an exit. I am very against divorce, but being abandoned like it sounds like is a reason for divorce in my opinion.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

FindingMyself!2019 said:


> Where do I start.......Been married for 13 years and I pretty much have been miserable the entire time. I have never felt like I have a partner and person that truly just loves me for me. I have become the "fixer", the "saver" and been used. This may be pretty long.
> 
> Whenever my husband is down and out and needs help I step up to the plate and help him. A few years ago he needed a car. I took my tax refund and bought him one, put it in my name and even paid the insurance. Now years later I need a car and he doesn't help me at all and he says it doesn't matter that I bought him a car. He always says I don't do anything and calls me broke. Mind you I am on disability because of my condition and STILL helps with the bills. I never feel seem, never heard it's like I don't really exist.
> 
> He comes home from work and I see him all of 5 minutes before he has a boat load of fellas over here hanging out in the yard......which isn't even really ours. Long story short he wanted to "rent to own" his cousins house. When we came here the house wasn't livable at all. His cousin said that he wasn't going to fix anything to make it livable. We had to spend money to get it back together, plus pay rent every month, the house insurance and property taxes every year. Everything is just one bad mistake after another. Keep in mind we live next door to his parents. I'm just a roomate here really. His Mom come and takes over. There is absolutely no respect for me or my kids. I want to leave so badly. We haven't had sex in a year. I'm repulsed. I dont want someone who makes me feel less than, sicks as a provider, lies and steals from me to touch me. I know I'm all over the place. I just need to get out.was


Is there anyone or any organisation you can talk to to just work through the issues and come up with an exit plan? How old are your children? If you divorced and moved away would he have to support you? Your kids will eventually grow up. What would your life look like then?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You say there is no respect for you or your kids. Are they not his kids too? If you have been with him for 13 years & they aren't his, they have to at least be teenagers. 

Do what you can to help yourself. Get your kids to help clean to make the place livable. Can you get any extra income within the legal bounds of your disability? Start socking that away. 

Good luck.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

What a horrible situation.
So sorry.

I see little sunshine in your life. 

Though, I am sure your children are grateful for your existence.
Talk to us about them.

What is your disability, if I may ask?


_Lilith-_


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## FindingMyself!2019 (Aug 4, 2019)

D0nnivain said:


> You say there is no respect for you or your kids. Are they not his kids too? If you have been with him for 13 years & they aren't his, they have to at least be teenagers.
> 
> Do what you can to help yourself. Get your kids to help clean to make the place livable. Can you get any extra income within the legal bounds of your disability? Start socking that away.
> 
> Good luck.


I have a son from a previous relationship. He is 19. We have a daughter together though she is 13. I'm trying to work part time to make extra income


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Get your son to help out a bit more. Your daughter can do light chores to make things easier for you


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

How were things when you were dating and how long did you date?


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Could it be possible that he has become so used to how things are that he doesn't realize how bad it is? I know that might seem like a stupid question. But sometimes a spouse doesn't really realize how harmful their behavior is.

Maybe it's time to sit him down and say we need to have a serious conversation. Say I have been unhappy for some time now, I want to make this better, but there needs to be changed. I want to move into our own home away from your mom and not into a fixer upper. I want us to talk more and spend more time together. I understand you need time with friends, but we need time together as well ..... This might be what he needs.


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## FindingMyself!2019 (Aug 4, 2019)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Could it be possible that he has become so used to how things are that he doesn't realize how bad it is? I know that might seem like a stupid question. But sometimes a spouse doesn't really realize how harmful their behavior is.
> 
> Maybe it's time to sit him down and say we need to have a serious conversation. Say I have been unhappy for some time now, I want to make this better, but there needs to be changed. I want to move into our own home away from your mom and not into a fixer upper. I want us to talk more and spend more time together. I understand you need time with friends, but we need time together as well ..... This might be what he needs.


I have done that already! Goes through one ear and out the other. I just really think he doesn't care


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

FindingMyself!2019 said:


> I have done that already! Goes through one ear and out the other. I just really think he doesn't care


Do you actually want it to work out? If he did come around, would that be acceptable to you, or are you already fully checked out, moved on, and now it's just a matter of details and timing?


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