# The Snip



## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

Hi all,

Just hoping for some advice here on getting the Snip. Some of you may know my story.

I am 36, I have a son who lives full time with his mother who I can't see. Maybe once or twice a year. I do, however, see him on Skype most weekends. He is going to be 2 next week. EXW just sits there, never offers information, treats me like an idiot and has basically cut me out of his life. 

The Skype sessions are hugely taxing emotionally. EXW is cruel, cold, soulless and empty. She is heartless.

But at least at huge expense to my sanity with keeping up the Skyping my son knows that I am his father. 

So, anyway ....

Was thinking about getting the snip. I have made a concious decision to never get married again, never have a relationship and certainly never have another child.

The reason being is that I will not be going through a divorce again, I will not be abandonded again and I will not have another child taken from me again.

Thoughts?

Thank you everyone.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Forever Changed said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Just hoping for some advice here on getting the Snip. Some of you may know my story.
> 
> ...


Yes. Do not quit living because of your depression with this situation. Life has its quirks, but the truth is endless. Days will pass and your boy will be able to stand for himself and question his mother. If that is what you want to call her. No person deserves to suffer because of self hate. I really wish the best for you. Do not make hasty decisions though. You never know where life will take you. STAY POSITIVE!


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

Thankyou for your advice. It is very much appreciated.

I am not depressed, though it may come across as that. I know my boy is in good hands, and if I never see him again, well ... I never thought I'd say it but I am ok with it. I have to surmise that as he gets older his mother will poison him against me.

Can't change that. Just bow out. 

I just want to live out the rest of my days in peace, by myself. Free of trouble from people.

I think next time I'll see the doc and ask what the procedure is.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Forever Changed said:


> Thankyou for your advice. It is very much appreciated.
> 
> I am not depressed, though it may come across as that. I know my boy is in good hands, and if I never see him again, well ... I never thought I'd say it but I am ok with it. I have to surmise that as he gets older his mother will poison him against me.
> 
> ...


Well, you have your options. I know depression when I see it. IF you are just wanting to back out and back away, that's a negative behavior. I am no psychologist. I just suffer from it. Its hard to deal with. 

I hope you find some peace with yourself. You are right; however, with the poisoning. I don't understand why some people are so cruel...:scratchhead:


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Silly question perhaps but if you're never going to have a relationship or get married why bother?


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> Silly question perhaps but if you're never going to have a relationship or get married why bother?


To shut everything down, permanently.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I think you are depressed as well, and it's no wonder if you've had your child removed from you and never get to see him.

Your ex has no right to do that. Why is there not a custody agreement in place?

If you're not having another relationship, there's no need for the op.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Here is the problem today saying you will never get married or have a relationship. You have no true clue what tomorrow will bring into your life. 

That being said I got snipped several years ago. My stbx and I made the decision not to have children mainly because doctors informed us for years she would have many issues trying to have one.

She was having problems as she got older being on the pill so it kind of came down to one of us becoming sterile. It’s a harder surgery on a woman than a man and figured it would be the best course of action.

It was the right decision at the time for us and I don’t regret making the decision. Yet she is gone now and if I met someone who was interested in having a child this would obviously be an issue. You have time, your not rushing out to get into another relationship but whether you do it tomorrow or six months from now its basically a decision your gonna live with forever.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

Thanks, everyone. Your advice is very much appreciated.

"You have no true clue what tomorrow will bring into your life"

But I do - Nothing. Nothing's happening. Just living out my days .... getting through every day, somehow. Just waiting to go to God. No I am not suicidal. 

I guess my greatest most terrifying fear is that some girl will come into my life, disable all my defences, suck me in, take advantage.

Get her pregnant. The thought horrifies me.

"Fall in love". No. So much no.

All this is in the name of Self Protection.


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

Forever Changed said:


> Thoughts?


Well what are your concerns, exactly? It will do as you wish. If you can't have children, nobody can take children away from you.

We can't talk you into wanting children. But condoms are pretty close to 100% effective, so there's no emergency here.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

*If you can't have children, nobody can take children away from you.*

This is wonderful. Thank you. Plain and simple truth.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Plus I think having the procedure, will give you some mental power if you ever are in a relationship again.

Good Luck


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## Sillyputty (Jan 22, 2013)

Forever Changed said:


> Thanks, everyone. Your advice is very much appreciated.
> 
> "You have no true clue what tomorrow will bring into your life"
> 
> ...


"Just living out my days" is no way to spend the rest of your life. Despite what you say this reeks of depression. I think the key phrase here is "Self Protection." Sure, you got your heart torn out, I understand the pain is excruciating. Is there a chance you are too focused on "self?" Without getting all philosophical, it is a widely held belief that to be fulfilled we have to live for something greater than ourselves. In other words, to give of ourselves heart and soul for a worthy and just cause (or person). If you continue focusing on self protection, you will remain self centered and will have no chance of fulfilling that higher calling in your life. Something to think about, no?


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> Silly question perhaps but if you're never going to have a relationship or get married why bother?


OK Forever, so I’m gathering from your response:



Forever Changed said:


> To shut everything down, permanently.


what you mean is you don’t trust yourself to keep to your words here:



Forever Changed said:


> . . . .
> 
> Was thinking about getting the snip. I have made a concious decision to never get married again, never have a relationship and certainly never have another child.
> 
> . . . .


My reply to you would be of a similar vein to what I might tell an 18-year-old who wants to get a tattoo in a publically visible region of his or her body – “What seems like a good idea today may turn out to be a really bad idea tomorrow. Undertake irreversible action only when necessary”. 

Getting a ‘vaso’ in this situation isn’t necessary and in-fact may lead you to engage in another relationship – which is again something you’ve vowed never to do again.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

You don't sound like a man who wants sympathy or pity, but my heart goes out to you regardless.

Also, just the slightest touch of anger at you, for letting her win, for letting her f*ck up your life permanently, or at least what appears now to be permanently.

It's a cliche, but it's gospel truth: the best revenge is a life well lived. Don't let the ***** rob you of that well-lived life, man.


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