# Business Trips



## Sunnydays

I would appreciate anybody who can share their experiences.

Do you call/text/e-mail after you land to let your husband/wife know you got to your destination safely? 

Do you not communication at all during the trip because it is business, you have to hang out with your colleagues/boss even after work and you just don't have time? 

Is it okay to expect the one on the trip to call you instead of you calling? 

Should the one on the trip make an effort to call you at least once a day?

How often do you communicate with them when they are away?


My husband just went on a first business trip for several days and I'm wondering how people communicate with their significant other while away. I understand it depends on situation, type of people and what kind of relationship they have.


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## omega

My husband periodically travels for work. I don't so I'll let you know how it works when he's away.



Sunnydays said:


> Do you call/text/e-mail after you land to let your husband/wife know you got to your destination safely?


This is a given. H will call me from his cell phone when he gets to his destination. If he's traveling by boat, he may call me during the trip if he has signal, but always on arrival.



> Do you not communication at all during the trip because it is business, you have to hang out with your colleagues/boss even after work and you just don't have time?


No, this wouldn't work with us. There's always time, that's what nighttime is for. It's true that business trips often involve much longer hours than regular workdays. H calls during meals if they aren't professional meals, and always at night or whenever he is done with work stuff.



> Is it okay to expect the one on the trip to call you instead of you calling?


As the one always left behind, I am very reluctant to call because I don't want to be interrupting meetings or whatever - so I let him call me unless I am pretty sure he is free.



> Should the one on the trip make an effort to call you at least once a day?


Absolutely, but I wouldn't "expect" more than once. 2x is a good amount for me but I'm good with once too.



> How often do you communicate with them when they are away?


On average 1-2x/day that he's away - we unfortunately don't have one of those endless cell phone plans so he has to pay for whatever calls he makes so we're careful, but there's always a goodnight call and often one other.

Just for reference, when he's just at work here, we don't usually talk on the phone while he's at work unless he's calling to let me know that he's going to be late or bring someone home with him for dinner.

Also at the moment, H is out of town for 5 days. His father is in the hospital so it's not a business trip. But he's still busy. He calls in the morning and at night, about 2x/day. He called 3x yesterday but he had something specific to tell me the 2nd time.


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## Hicks

Here's the thing.
When I was younger, my wife was important to me, but I didn't realize I had to demonstrate it often. Now, I know that I have to demonstrate to her that she is important to me. My feelings have not changed over the years, but my actions have. I would say your husband has not made the connection yet to phone calls on business trips, and how if he does not do this, you feel unimportant and unloved to him.


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## wemogirl

My DH travels about 5 or 6 times a year for business. 



Sunnydays said:


> Do you call/text/e-mail after you land to let your husband/wife know you got to your destination safely?


I think once or twice in the last year he let me know when he landed. I do have his travel info so I can track the flight's progress online.



> Do you not communication at all during the trip because it is business, you have to hang out with your colleagues/boss even after work and you just don't have time?


I rarely hear from him during the day. We just added a text package to our cell phone plan so he will text me when he's in his hotel room and I call him on our home phone which has unlimited long distance.



> Is it okay to expect the one on the trip to call you instead of you calling?


I would never call him on a trip unless I had an emergency with the kids. I wait until he texts me that he's available to take calls. Last week when he was gone and I was ready to go to bed I would text him that and he left his coworkers to go back to his room to talk to me.



> Should the one on the trip make an effort to call you at least once a day?


I think if it's physically possible it's common courtesy to call your spouse at least once a day.



> How often do you communicate with them when they are away?


Usually once a day at bedtime. One day last week when DH got finished early I got to talk to him twice.



> My husband just went on a first business trip for several days and I'm wondering how people communicate with their significant other while away. I understand it depends on situation, type of people and what kind of relationship they have


My DH calls about once a day during the day when he's at work here in town (yesterday he didn't call at all). So we don't usually talk a lot during the day anyway. We have been texting more and if there is something going on we will talk during the day but when he's out of town, it's usually once a day.


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## BleepingFamily

I dont understand why the fact that is a business trip should change anything. If your husband is away, he should still communicate.
Unless hes like my wife, who sometimes forgets to communicate.
If she doesnt call, I call.
Yeah I know you would like him to communicate, but hey...we are not all the same. If he doesnt call, you call.
Once a day is sufficient.

Good Luck

Mike


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## Cross

Sunnydays said:


> Do you not communication at all during the trip because it is business, you have to hang out with your colleagues/boss even after work and you just don't have time?
> 
> Is it okay to expect the one on the trip to call you instead of you calling?
> 
> Should the one on the trip make an effort to call you at least once a day?


A business trip is not 24x7 work. People have breaks every hour, and generally downtime at night.

If your partner is not calling you at all on a business trip, it's not because of lack of opportunity, but by choice.

Anytime a guy does not call his partner for days at a time, it means something is up. It could be something harmless like he wants a break, but generally it's a sign of a bigger problem.

If a girl doesn't call there's a word for that, too: Relief.


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## Sunnydays

omega-

You two have great communication when one is away. Did you both talk about it or did it come naturally?
I agree when you say " There's always time, that's what nighttime is for. " I think if you truly want to make the time you can ALWAYS make the time and if you truly want to talk to your spouse then you usually find the time to do so. But I guess once you are married and been together for awhile you don't really feel like you truly want to talk to your spouse. 
When my H is home he never calls me either unless he needs to ask me something or let me know he will be late. However, he usually text me everyday when he is on his way home. Once he goes on a business trip it stopped.

Hicks-

Wow thank you! It's always hard to know what others might be thinking and your post is very true. My H probably have no idea that I seek for more loving actions especially when he is away. I definitely feel unimportant and unloved when he doesn't try to contact me. It especially drives me nuts because he calls and texts many many times throughout the day with his best pal but he rarely calls or text me as much nor show similar excitement. I know, I'm jealous of his friend.


wemogirl-

Thanks for sharing your experience!
My H cellphone is provided by his company so I'm sure he is allowed to make few calls or text his wife. He's been gone for two days, first day I asked him to call me or at least text me when he got off the plane. Ended up with me texting him after an hour he got off the plane then he called me. Second day, one text during the day, I wrote back but nothing after that. 



I don't need him to call me to try to talk to me but I'd like a call at least at night, we just moved to a new state, new home. I don't know anyone living close to me and no friends yet. This is my first time spending the night by myself and it can get lonely and somewhat scary. I don't know if anyone would feel the same way but I've move over 10 times in my life and still I cannot adjust right at nights when alone.

Although, this is our first time my H is on a business trip, he has taken his own trip for almost 2months to stay at his friend's house to job hunt. Also I was away for a month when I went back to my home country. Both times our communication wasn't enough for me.

Is it normal to ask for itinerary of the flight and hotel information? 


I feel I shouldn't bother him. But at the same time I also feel, I'm your wife and I have all the right to get a simple phone call here and there. I don't want to be a needy wife and nag him into doing things he doesn't think to. I'm not demanding for multiple calls, I just want a call at least once a day. And I hesitate to tell him so because then he would just do it because I said so and it's not genuine.

I'm not bothered as much right now but I know as time goes by and he goes on more business trips this is going to built up inside me and I will be getting upset. I wanted to know what others do when their other half is away so I'm not thinking unrealistically.

I was surprised when I was researching about business trips that some spouse would even tag along with them.


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## omega

Sunnydays said:


> Did you both talk about it or did it come naturally?


I suppose it came naturally. When we were first engaged, I lived in a city 9 hours away so there was a fair amount of apart-ness. We used Skype and phones a great deal. Then when I relocated to be with him permanently, it was just natural whenever we were apart that we would talk.



> But I guess once you are married and been together for awhile you don't really feel like you truly want to talk to your spouse.


 Nah, that's not true. I still get giddy as a schoolgirl when I see his name light up my cell phone screen. There's no time I don't want to talk to him. Being married only makes me want it more. I don't think this is the case!!



> However, he usually text me everyday when he is on his way home. Once he goes on a business trip it stopped.


The biggest difference between a business trip and everyday life is the total absence of routine. When the routine is erased, we all forget to do things we would otherwise do. Heck, I forget to eat sometimes when I travel, and I am a girl who likes her three square meals!



> I don't know if anyone would feel the same way but I've move over 10 times in my life and still I cannot adjust right at nights when alone.


I get you! I've moved SO many times... and it is a little weird at first, every time. I lived alone for years but once we got married, a night alone WAS creepy. I don't like it either and understand why you'd want a call. He on the other hand is in his nice business class hotel room with a big TV and after eating a free steak.... hehe.



> Is it normal to ask for itinerary of the flight and hotel information?


If you're asking if a spouse should have this information, of course you should. 



> I feel I shouldn't bother him.


 You're his wife - talking to you is not a bother - it's just that his routine is gone, his hours are different, maybe even the time zones are different - but yes you deserve the call all the same.



> And I hesitate to tell him so because then he would just do it because I said so and it's not genuine.


This is not a good road to go down. Part of good communication is not expecting the other person to be a mind-reader and to magically want to say all the things we want to hear. In our fantasies, the guy always comes up wit the right line at the right time. Our husbands aren't actually living in our brains though so we do owe them the courtesy of a few pointers. Let him know what you need. He will be grateful that he doesn't have to 1) guess what you want and 2) deal with you being unhappy because you didn't get what you wanted



> I was surprised when I was researching about business trips that some spouse would even tag along with them.


I would do this if we could afford it, unfortunately my H works for the government and they don't pay for spouses to come along. His last business trip was to a gorgeous vacation destination and he tried to work it so I could come but it would have cost us too much of our own money. If you can work it into your schedule and finances, there's absolutely no reason not to go along! I live in a touristy area and have met many tourists who are out and about in the city seeing the sights while their spouse is at a boring business meeting in a conference center!

Don't get down on your husband and your marriage... give him a chance to give you what you need, by letting him know you need it. Men can't read our minds, sadly!!


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## Halien

I travel about 30% of the time. Explains why I sometimes post on this site during the day. Flight delays, layovers, etc.

I call or text my wife after every landing. Since I've been in a couple of near misses, it eases her mind. When my agent sends the itenerary, I forward it to my wife.

I call her every night, but I hate talking on the phone, so its often pretty brief. Workdays during travel are usually very long, along with the obligatory business dinners with suppliers. Man, I hate those! To them, its an excuse to drink alot and charge their company for it. 

Despite traveling by air, it just feels so disconnected when I travel outside the country, so I have a travel journal that I use to write a note everyday about the reasons why I would prefer to be home, or just something to let her know that I'm thinking about her. I do this for closer trips also, unless it is just an overnight trip. She gets the journal when I get home. After a while, she started adding entries before I travelled so I would have a special note from her during the trip. Video-conferencing on the internet is our preferred way to talk if the trip goes over the weekend. 

One of the craziest parts about travelling is that my company has profiles based on your salary grade. I get a suite that often would be out of our price range if I booked it privately. Our travel agency gets them really cheaply. We don't even stay in places this nice when we travel for vacation, so it turns a person into a travel snob, in a sense. I missed my return flight once on a Friday night, and my wife and I had a special date planned. The hotel clerk felt sorry for me, because she overheard me apologizing to my wife, so she put me in a suite with mutiple levels, three large screen TV's, a hot tub, and complimentary wine and chocolate covered strawberries. My wife cried when I told her about it.

Occasionally, she comes with me if she can get away. You have to be careful about this, though. My company has rules for splitting the expense book, but since everything goes on my corporate Visa, I have to be careful in the way I reimburse it. You don't want to lose a job over travel abuse.


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## Grayson

I generally travel 2 to 4 times a year for work. It's relatively new for us, as I just started this job a little over 2 years ago, with my previous job of 13 years requiring no travel.

I do make a habit of texting when I'm about to put the phone in "airplane" mode for takeoff and when I turn it back on upon landing. Given what my travel work entails, I'd love to have a break every hour like Cross gets. ;-) Sometimes, there's a lot of "hurry up and wait," and sometimes we're going from clock-in to clock-out. Still, we'll send occasional texts throughout the day, schedule permitting, I'll call around the kiddo's bedtime, and usually later around the time my wife goes to bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omega

Halien said:


> I have a travel journal that I use to write a note everyday about the reasons why I would prefer to be home, or just something to let her know that I'm thinking about her. I do this for closer trips also, unless it is just an overnight trip. She gets the journal when I get home. After a while, she started adding entries before I travelled so I would have a special note from her during the trip.


We do this too - although it's not really specifically a travel journal, it's just a notebook that we each write in when we feel moved to. It stays in a drawer by the bed, after he or I write in it, we leave it out for the other to find. It can be a really lovely way both to capture some special thoughts for reading much later and to express things that might be hard to say out loud. I find myself reading through the old entries when my H is out of town. Maybe if you have some of his love letters or photos of the two of you together - a wedding album maybe - that can be something to look at on those lonely nights in the new home! 

Communication takes many forms - spoken, written, body language, etc. They're all good


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## Cross

Grayson;390550[B said:


> I'd love to have a break every hour like Cross gets.[/B] ;-) Sometimes, there's a lot of "hurry up and wait," and sometimes we're going from clock-in to clock-out. Still, we'll send occasional texts throughout the day, schedule permitting, I'll call around the kiddo's bedtime, and usually later around the time my wife goes to bed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I should have said most! Some are indentured servants, or worse, sales people who do not get normal breaks.

This pretty much re-affirms my point. Grayson is the high end super busy traveler and still has time to call and/or text.


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## Entropy3000

Hicks said:


> Here's the thing.
> When I was younger, my wife was important to me, but I didn't realize I had to demonstrate it often. Now, I know that I have to demonstrate to her that she is important to me. My feelings have not changed over the years, but my actions have. I would say your husband has not made the connection yet to phone calls on business trips, and how if he does not do this, you feel unimportant and unloved to him.


This is me. I have learned I need to communicate more often.
I have found I like that too.

My wife will leave me voice mail messages from time to time too, just letting me know what she is doing. 

Yes, being on business trips can take up all of your time. I think at least to me the business culture has changed over the years. It is easy to step out into the hallway to give your wife a call.

I let my wife know when I have landed and when I get checked into the hotel.
On the way home I let her know when we have landed and she picks me up. My favorite part of the trip. She always wears something sexy.

Not often, but sometimes I take her with me. San Francisco coming up soon. Sometimes the accomodations are much better than I could normally afford.


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## Sunnydays

Its really interesting reading people's own experience. I'm learning how to be prepared when my H goes out on a business trip again thank you all!

I finally got a call from my H yesterday. It seems like he's really busy all day long. He answers emails and make calls during the morning and afternoon then goes out to do his actual work in the evening until past midnight. I was relieved when I got to hear from him.

That night for first time there was a rolling blackout in my whole neighborhood. I was totally unaware of this and was getting bit scared because it was already past 9pm and it was really dark. I thought it might have been just my house so tried to mess around with the breaker but nothing made the power to come back and finally decided I had to call my H. He picked up but the reception was really bad on his side and could not talk or hear him at all. I tried to call him few minutes later to see if he would have better reception but never got picked up.
Later on I sent him a text saying that I was kind of scared from the blackout. 

After trying to figure out what to do, I lit up candles and searching on my phone about the blackout. About an hour later power came back on. I still didn't get any calls nor text from H that night. I thought maybe in the morning he left me e-mail, No emails no text no messages.

I'm disappointed. I don't know if I should be upset or I should just forget about it. I'm not upset because he didn't call me right back, I just don't understand why he didn't even bother to ask if I was okay. He probably have his reasons, that he was too busy, tired, no time. But why is he not concerned at all? Am I overreacting or expecting too much? I just think you can go for a 5min break and go outside for better reception.

I'm not quite sure how to react when I do talk to him. would it be unfair for him if I was upset?


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## Halien

Sunnydays said:


> I'm disappointed. I don't know if I should be upset or I should just forget about it. I'm not upset because he didn't call me right back, I just don't understand why he didn't even bother to ask if I was okay. He probably have his reasons, that he was too busy, tired, no time. But why is he not concerned at all? Am I overreacting or expecting too much? I just think you can go for a 5min break and go outside for better reception.
> 
> I'm not quite sure how to react when I do talk to him. would it be unfair for him if I was upset?


Its really hard to say. We guys can be incredibly clueless sometimes, but when our wives are scared, this usually hits a trigger for us. Maybe he thought you were being a little silly, or maybe he just trusted that it would go away. Or, he could think you are testing him somehow. Regardless, just tell him how it made you feel when he gets home. I'd recommend being a little slow to make assumptions, but you have a right to be hurt, in my opinion.

I tend to feel somewhat lost when I'm away from my wife. Ironically, men distance ourselves a bit when we feel lost, though, while women often draw closer. Once my wife realized that I suffered when away, in a sense, she began to cut me some slack. I learned that writing notes to her told her how I really felt, but she preferred to read them together when I get home.

Don't forget that he encounters situations that are new to him when travelling. These leave a guy feeling uneasy and distracted because they can be stressful. I'm not trying to let him off the hook, though.


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## KanDo

Sunnydays said:


> Its really interesting reading people's own experience. I'm learning how to be prepared when my H goes out on a business trip again thank you all!
> 
> I finally got a call from my H yesterday. It seems like he's really busy all day long. He answers emails and make calls during the morning and afternoon then goes out to do his actual work in the evening until past midnight. I was relieved when I got to hear from him.
> 
> That night for first time there was a rolling blackout in my whole neighborhood. I was totally unaware of this and was getting bit scared because it was already past 9pm and it was really dark. I thought it might have been just my house so tried to mess around with the breaker but nothing made the power to come back and finally decided I had to call my H. He picked up but the reception was really bad on his side and could not talk or hear him at all. I tried to call him few minutes later to see if he would have better reception but never got picked up.
> Later on I sent him a text saying that I was kind of scared from the blackout.
> 
> After trying to figure out what to do, I lit up candles and searching on my phone about the blackout. About an hour later power came back on. I still didn't get any calls nor text from H that night. I thought maybe in the morning he left me e-mail, No emails no text no messages.
> 
> I'm disappointed. I don't know if I should be upset or I should just forget about it. I'm not upset because he didn't call me right back, I just don't understand why he didn't even bother to ask if I was okay. He probably have his reasons, that he was too busy, tired, no time. But why is he not concerned at all? Am I overreacting or expecting too much? I just think you can go for a 5min break and go outside for better reception.
> 
> I'm not quite sure how to react when I do talk to him. would it be unfair for him if I was upset?


PLEASE tell him how you feel about this. If you are important to him, he will make an effort to give you what you need. The WORST thing you can do is say nothing. I would not recommend being upset. Just let him know that this level of communication wasn't good for you!


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## omega

Yeah I agree you should let him know you were let down by his lack of communication.

However, I'm not sure I'd want to play up how scared you were about the power outage. There's a fine line between being a sweet little wife who needs to be protected (okay for most men) and being a timid lady who can't do anything by herself (not okay). Power outages are just a part of life. Don't go down the road of screeching in terror whenever you see a spider or whatever - it can get old. Men like to feel strong for doing strong things, not for doing things that an 8 yr old boy could do. Not trying to be mean - just don't think you want to slip into the 'damsel in distress' mode.


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## Sunnydays

Thank you Halien.

I agree with you. I forgot that this is his first experience on business trip, he might be pretty stressed out and can't think about other things. 

I'll let him know how I felt in calm manner. I wonder if my H feels any different when away from me. 

Seems like quite a few people write notes or messages while away, sounds like a good idea. 

Thank you so much, really eased my mind. It get's hard when I don't really have anyone to talk to especially no friends around to hang out with and my family are far far away.


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## Sunnydays

KanDo-

Thank you, I will let him know how I felt. I know if I just keep it in me it doesn't lead to a good communication in our relationship.


omega-

I was fine taking care of myself during the blackout. I just wanted company, but I understand what you mean.


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## magnoliagal

*disclaimer this was 11 years ago - before texting*

I traveled 40% of the time and I only called at night after I was done working. My schedule was insane and I had my game face on. I didn't have the luxury of stopping work to call. My flight landed and we took off for the client. I'd put in long hours and there were no breaks. Even lunch and dinners were work related as I went with bosses and/or clients. In short I was crazy busy. This was no 8-5 gig. On the road I had so much to do in a very short time. 

Now these days with text had he asked me to let him know I landed I would do that *quickly*. But I wouldn't call him. That would have to wait till I was alone later in the hotel room. Clients frown on personal phones calls when it's on the time they are paying for.


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## omega

Sunnydays said:


> I was fine taking care of myself during the blackout. I just wanted company, but I understand what you mean.


Yeah, I figured you were - but I know how easy it can be to slip into the "I was so scared and you didn't comfort me" mode 

His first business trip? He was probably a bit overwhelmed. Give him a nice big welcome and let him know how much you missed him!


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## golfergirl

magnoliagal said:


> *disclaimer this was 11 years ago - before texting*
> 
> I traveled 40% of the time and I only called at night after I was done working. My schedule was insane and I had my game face on. I didn't have the luxury of stopping work to call. My flight landed and we took off for the client. I'd put in long hours and there were no breaks. Even lunch and dinners were work related as I went with bosses and/or clients. In short I was crazy busy. This was no 8-5 gig. On the road I had so much to do in a very short time.
> 
> Now these days with text had he asked me to let him know I landed I would do that *quickly*. But I wouldn't call him. That would have to wait till I was alone later in the hotel room. Clients frown on personal phones calls when it's on the time they are paying for.


My corporation is very family/friendly. H is shiftworker and often comes along on business travel and brings our kids. I text here and there throughout the day and call at night when he can't come. I like to hear from him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal

golfergirl said:


> My corporation is very family/friendly. H is shiftworker and often comes along on business travel and brings our kids. I text here and there throughout the day and call at night when he can't come. I like to hear from him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm jealous. This is one of the main reasons I quit to be a homemaker. My field is NOT family friendly. They don't give a flip if you have a family. They just want you to bill more hours.


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## golfergirl

magnoliagal said:


> I'm jealous. This is one of the main reasons I quit to be a homemaker. My field is NOT family friendly. They don't give a flip if you have a family. They just want you to bill more hours.


When I first came to work after having a baby, I was breastfeeding. We had a company retreat where we shared cabins at a resort. They put H and I (and baby) up in our own cabin so I could come too and spend the night. They paid H's breakfast the next day. I was very touched. A company like that makes you want to give it your all. They are also very supportive of job share. I worked 60% job share to spend more time at home while keeping benefits and building seniority. I love this place!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

magnoliagal said:


> *disclaimer this was 11 years ago - before texting*
> 
> I traveled 40% of the time and I only called at night after I was done working. My schedule was insane and I had my game face on. I didn't have the luxury of stopping work to call. My flight landed and we took off for the client. I'd put in long hours and there were no breaks. Even lunch and dinners were work related as I went with bosses and/or clients. In short I was crazy busy. This was no 8-5 gig. On the road I had so much to do in a very short time.
> 
> Now these days with text had he asked me to let him know I landed I would do that *quickly*. But I wouldn't call him. That would have to wait till I was alone later in the hotel room. Clients frown on personal phones calls when it's on the time they are paying for.


Technology has helped this out. Years ago it was harder to stay in touch.

Yes, depending on your environemnt you can go all day long from very early to past midnight without stopping to catch a breath. That makes it very hard to stay in touch. You ar eunder the gun and time goes by before you realize that you wanted to make that call. There is not lunch break and so on. You are not alone.

These days I do not mind travel as much as the environemtn into which I travel is much more conducive to communicating with my wife.


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## Sunnydays

I can understand if you are busy throughout the day and you get back to your hotel exhausted. Therefore I wouldn't expect my H to call me, but I would at least like an email. An quick email doesn't take you more than 5min. Or is that too much to ask?

Would be nice if there were more companies out there that were family friendly. That would be awesome!


I need to vent...
I just got a call from H. 
This morning I was just looking through my phone and ACCIDENTALLY called him where it was past 6am his time, I hung up immediately. As usual he asks "you realize what time it was over here when you called, right?" ugh I hate it when he asks these smart ass questions. 

He tells me when I tried to call him, he was in middle of something and his workplace has really bad signal. He was not supposed to even have his cell phone on and that if he wanted to go get better reception he would have to "walk all the way" outside. And most important, he got the "sense" that it was nothing urgent so didn't feel the need to "walk all the way." After work he went back to hotel and slept, he didn't think about emailing me because he thought it's not like I could see it (it was really late) and he would talk to me in the morning.

Yes it was nothing urgent but its upsetting when he ASSUME that it's nothing without even trying to find out. I wanted to tell him how I felt and that I would have felt better if he had wrote me even if I was already asleep because I would know that he was thinking about me and has some concern. but since he was with his colleague I said I'll talk to him later.

Not sure if its because he was sitting next to his colleague in a car or not but he sounded very cold.


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## omega

How many days before he comes home?


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## Sicktomystomach

Ack! Business trips! My husband can be so clueless. I once asked him what he did last night when he was out of town. He said he and 'some of the guys" went to a topless bar. I said,"WHAT"???????? He said,"Why are you upset"? I told him we would talk about it when he got home.
When he came home I told him that I felt very threatened by him doing this. He backpedaled and sweated and said,"Oh,you don't know what a topless bar is, honey. You go and sit at a table and order your dinner from a topless waitress. HUH? Do I look like I was born in a barn??????? I said,"That's not what happens and you know it. You order drinks and stare and drool over naked women pole dancing. And I know they give lap dances So give it up". He said he did not realize I would get upset and I told him I thought he had more respect for himself and me to do that.
Another time he says,"Just in case you hear about it. While I was in Atlantic City,the guy driving the car tried to solicit 2 prostitutes. We were all against it but he was driving. A police car pulled up behind us and we were all questioed and let go". Uh-huh,yea,right. 
I don't know what is worse,the lying or the possible cheating. I hate business trips.


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## Grayson

Sunnydays, I wouldn't be too upset. To me, an immediate hang up after one ring would indicate one of two things:
1) You accidentally dialed (as you did), thus no urgent callback need.
2) It's something SO urgent that you had to drop the call in mid-ring, so if I try to call you back, I'm likely to get your voicemail. Best to wait for you to try me again.

But, that's just me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy

Sunnydays said:


> I need to vent...
> I just got a call from H.
> This morning I was just looking through my phone and ACCIDENTALLY called him where it was past 6am his time, I hung up immediately. As usual he asks "you realize what time it was over here when you called, right?" ugh I hate it when he asks these smart ass questions.
> 
> He tells me when I tried to call him, he was in middle of something and his workplace has really bad signal. He was not supposed to even have his cell phone on and that if he wanted to go get better reception he would have to "walk all the way" outside. And most important, he got the "sense" that it was nothing urgent so didn't feel the need to "walk all the way." After work he went back to hotel and slept, he didn't think about emailing me because he thought it's not like I could see it (it was really late) and he would talk to me in the morning.
> 
> Yes it was nothing urgent but its upsetting when he ASSUME that it's nothing without even trying to find out. I wanted to tell him how I felt and that I would have felt better if he had wrote me even if I was already asleep because I would know that he was thinking about me and has some concern. but since he was with his colleague I said I'll talk to him later.
> 
> Not sure if its because he was sitting next to his colleague in a car or not but he sounded very cold.


A couple of thoughts on travelling, as I have gone through rela stretches:

- Time zone differences can be a real pain. You lose track of time, realize it is 9 pm PT and that my wife is fast asleep at home on the East Coast. I am much better at remembering now, and if dinner is going to be a problem (a late evening that will prevent me from calling), I call early.

- That also causes a lot of stress. I typically work more when traveling, sleep less, exercise less, eat worse and have more stress. It has gotten better as I have traveled more, but it is still stressful.

- My wife took the kids to visit family and left me at home for about a week. I thought about my family much more than when I travel because I was surrounded by reminders. I do think about my wife when I travel, but not as much as when I am at home or in the office. 

- I always call before the plane takes off and when it lands. Also try to call at least once at morning and once at night, just to say hello. I also warn my wife if my schedule prevents that.


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## Halien

Considering that it is his first business trip, his comments and behaviors make it sound like he's trying really hard to act the part of a business travellor. Just don't underestimate what it feels like to be so unsure of what is normal to say and do. The ultimate test is what he's like when he is not travelling. Trust that. Then, tell him how this trip made you feel.

My first business trip came at the tail end of a 12 hour work day, and I was told that I had to fly to a customer site NOW. Bought underwear and fresh clothes after working 24 straight hours (not counting sleeping on the 1.5 hour flight). Let's see, the next day I forgot what room I was staying in, so I had to ask the clerk. I'm color blind, so the following morning I tried to get into the wrong car because I was sleepy and never saw the car in the daylight. Set off the car alarm and had to apologize profusely to everyone who looked out their window at 6:00 AM. The company's cafeteria was closed by the time I went to lunch, so I had to go without eating for 14 hours, when I left the customer's site for the day. Got back to my home airport and realized that I had lost my parking receipt. Had to ride two buses through parking lots for two hours until I finally spied my car. Turned in my travel book and it was audited by corporate accounting because the one day that I did get to the cafeteria before it closed, I had no cash so I used my corporate visa. Corporate policy states that lunch will not be paid for if the customer's site has warm meals. Will only be paid if you have to leave to eat. That was my terrible, no good bad first trip. I'm dead serious, and didn't mention that I went there because we made defective fuel injector components, so every employee in the engine customer's site saw fit to yell at me while I was there.

Not suggesting that his trip is going like this, but I bet it feels like it.


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