# Ladies if you went on 2 dates with a guy and was told this would you feel rejected?



## SMG15

I met this girl off of POF and we went out twice and then all of a sudden in the beginning of the year I got hit with something unexpected

I was notified by mail that my building was sold and my lease would not be renewed. So I told her that I won't be able to date at this time because I had nothing saved up and I will never every dime between jan and april to save up for moving. So there would be no money for dating until I sign a new lease

She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date. Anyway she got mad and ended the conversation and sent a text wishing me the best.


Was she being selfish?


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## SunnyT

I don't see how SHE was selfish. She was throwing out suggestions rather than call it off. 

Personally, I think her frugal thinking was a plus.... but to you it was a minus? I think she was indicating that she isn't high maintenance and interested in you, not what you spend on dates. 

Awkward for you I guess. But it could've been worth a shot. 

Maybe you just need more time before dating?

Edited to add: I think I missed the question. Ya, I guess that would feel like rejection. Because she was thinking of ways that it could/might work, and you blew her off. That's what it sounds like. Chalk it up to practice?


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I met this girl off of POF and we went out twice and then all of a sudden in the beginning of the year I got hit with something unexpected
> 
> I was notified by mail that my building was sold and my lease would not be renewed. So I told her that I won't be able to date at this time because I had nothing saved up and I will never every dime between jan and april to save up for moving. So there would be no money for dating until I sign a new lease
> 
> She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date. Anyway she got mad and ended the conversation and sent a text wishing me the best.
> 
> 
> Was she being selfish?


What did you want her response to be?

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## SMG15

SunnyT said:


> I don't see how SHE was selfish. She was throwing out suggestions rather than call it off.
> 
> Personally, I think her frugal thinking was a plus.... but to you it was a minus? I think she was indicating that she isn't high maintenance and interested in you, not what you spend on dates.
> 
> Awkward for you I guess. But it could've been worth a shot.
> 
> Maybe you just need more time before dating?
> 
> Edited to add: I think I missed the question. Ya, I guess that would feel like rejection. Because she was thinking of ways that it could/might work, and you blew her off. That's what it sounds like. Chalk it up to practice?



I had to let the initial shock get out of my system first before i go out again. she was acting like she wanted to go out that weekend.


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## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> What did you want her response to be?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk




well we can still stay in contact and talk on the phone until you are ready to go out again


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## kristin2349

SMG15 said:


> well we can still stay in contact and talk on the phone until you are ready to go out again



Well sorry she didn't say that, keep looking until the stars align for you.


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## *Deidre*

She might have taken it as a rejection, since you didn't seem accepting of her idea to do 'free' things. So, your lack of enthusiasm or agreement, might have caused her to think you weren't interested, and this was your way to not have to see her anymore. Only two dates? I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it, either way. You could still text her if you like her, and chat...if she is open to it, she'll respond. If not, then back to fishing.


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## arbitrator

*She was interested enough in you to throw out alternative viable suggestions, which you led her to believe that you were turning her down, thereby rejecting her!

If you really like her company and like having her in your presence , then you had better get her on the phone and tell her that her suggestions aren't really so bad after all!

I think that she really liked you!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Personal

SMG15 said:


> I met this girl off of POF and we went out twice and then all of a sudden in the beginning of the year I got hit with something unexpected
> 
> I was notified by mail that my building was sold and my lease would not be renewed. So I told her that I won't be able to date at this time because I had nothing saved up and I will never every dime between jan and april to save up for moving. So there would be no money for dating until I sign a new lease
> 
> She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date. Anyway she got mad and ended the conversation and sent a text wishing me the best.
> 
> 
> Was she being selfish?


She was telling you that she was willing to keep dating you even if you had a limited disposable income.

Yet despite her offer you made it clear that you weren't interested in dating her further.

As a consequence of your insistence, she quite rationally decided that you weren't worth the effort so she let you go.

At the end of the day if your actions and behaviour make you unattractive, you shouldn't be surprised when women lose interest in you.



SMG15 said:


> I had to let the initial shock get out of my system first before i go out again. she was acting like she wanted to go out that weekend.


So she was keen on enjoying some time with you, and you were more interested in wallowing in self pity.

Hopefully she'll find someone else who is more fun than that.



SMG15 said:


> well we can still stay in contact and talk on the phone until you are ready to go out again


Dating is like a job interview, if you're not capable and ready to start. Why would she wait for you, if another more capable and willing man could fill the same role?


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## SMG15

I can't think of too many free events in the winter time


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## EleGirl

Did you ask her what ideas she had for a free event?


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## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> Did you ask her what ideas she had for a free event?


I probably would have if she didn't get a attitude and end the conversation


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## header

SMG15 said:


> So I told her that I won't be able to date at this time because I had nothing saved up and I will never every dime between jan and april to save up for moving. So there would be no money for dating until I sign a new lease
> 
> She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date.


You told her something that wasn't true. 

First, you told her you had no money to date, then after she said that was ok, you came up with another reason not to date, and that was due to the "shock of having to move".

Sounds to me, and it sounded to her like you were making up one reason after another not to date her.


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## SMG15

header said:


> You told her something that wasn't true.
> 
> First, you told her you had no money to date, then after she said that was ok, you came up with another reason not to date, and that was due to the "shock of having to move".
> 
> Sounds to me, and it sounded to her like you were making up one reason after another not to date her.


How many free events can you go to between Jan and May? Until I sign a new lease I can't do much of anything but have someone come to my place


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## Evinrude58

Ahhh, so she didn't stay on the hook long enough for the "let's Always just meet at my place" proposition ?
Yeah, she's selfish, lol....
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Follow the post after mine. You had a woman that understood you the way anyone would-- you were blowing her off. Either call her and explain clearly to look for the next one. Probably you've lost the first fish......


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## header

SMG15 said:


> How many free events can you go to between Jan and May? Until I sign a new lease I can't do much of anything but have someone come to my place


Your question is irrelevant.

You wanted to know if she was being selfish, which also is an irrelevant question.

Your mind works in a rather unusual way, has anyone ever told you that?

The most effective way to communicate your problem would be to post something like this:

I went on a date with a girl twice and told her I couldn't date her anymore because I lost my lease, and would have no money for a while. After she suggested we go to free events, I then told her that I was in shock from having to move and I couldn't date anymore.

She suddenly got an attitude and said take care.

Why did she respond in this way?

The answer is, because you gave her every sign that you weren't interested in seeing her again. 

If you want to fix this, get on the phone- do not text- and tell her that perhaps you didn't give her the right impression, that you do like her and you would like to see her again but you're in a state of shock right now having to figure out where to move and you're concerned about how to spend time with her given that you can't spend any money right now.

Then see what she comes back with.

You need to work on expressing yourself more clearly or you're going to be shaking your head a lot and wondering why you can't get a girlfriend.


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## phillybeffandswiss

SMG15 said:


> How many free events can you go to between Jan and May? Until I sign a new lease I can't do much of anything but have someone come to my place


I went to a random state's event home page and used their filter for free events . In a two week period, from 2/1-2/14 they listed 25 events. As stated earlier, the question is irrelevant, but I just wanted you to see she gave you an AWESOME suggestion.


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## frusdil

:wtf:

You basically told her that you don't want to date her anymore "I can't date at this time" = I'm not interested.

What did you seriously expect her to do??


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## sapientia

Great job. This is an example of 'how to reject a girl indirectly'.

If, however, this was not the outcome you wanted you might want to think on this a bit more.


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## SecondTime'Round

@SMG15, we've never seen you admit that you were wrong. Now might be the time to do that . 

Sorry about your lease!


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## alexm

SMG15 said:


> I can't do much of anything but have someone come to my place


Aaaaaaaand...

*facepalm*


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## Bananapeel

Let me get this right. You went on a grand total of TWO dates with her and you are losing sleep over this? Your real concern should be why you don't have savings to deal with these types of situations, not some chick you'll forget by next week.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Bananapeel said:


> Let me get this right. You went on a grand total of TWO dates with her and you are losing sleep over this? Your real concern should be why you don't have savings to deal with these types of situations, not some chick you'll forget by next week.


Go read his other threads, he needs to seek counseling for some type of FOO issues or something. He has a very....hmmmm...awkward world view on life and dating. You reject someone who OBVUIOUSLY wants to keep going out and you can't believe the person cops an attitude? Yes, he has issues.

Meh... He is young stuff like this, losing his lease, will teach him to save.


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## BetrayedDad

header said:


> The answer is, because you gave her every sign that you weren't interested in seeing her again.


This 100%. I would of dump texted OP too. He came up with crap reasons to blow her off and now he doesn't understand why she is mad.

@SMG15 Do you have some type of autistic spectrum disorder OP? You seem to have serious issues interpreting social cues and interpreting human behavior. You may want to see a specialist and get yourself diagnosed. I mean that sincerely. Something is wrong with you.


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## lucy999

Yep. I would've thought you were nexting me.


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## Ol'Pal

I still can't figure out how losing your lease equates to not dating this girl? They are 2 completely separate issues. Sure you wont have a lot of money, Welcome to 90% of the population.

You make no sense.


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## SimplyAmorous

I am a very frugal woman.. I would not blow a guy off if he fell on some hard times financially.. if it's a lifestyle of "scraping by"...that's another story ... but temporary set backs where you need to save money.. making that a high priority is responsible behavior, to get back on one's feet, keep up with the bills.... it doesn't have to sever a relationship... 

You talked to her.. she heard you.. she was WILLING to offer some suggestions so you & her could still hang out... 

If I was really into a guy....I'd do the same to let him know.. this isn't a big deal.. I still LIKE you and want to get to know you... it's not about , or how you can whine & dine me...

I can easily see WHY she felt rejected here.. she STILL WANTED TO SEE YOU... YOU SHOT HER DOWN.. so she did what she had to work with... meaning.... go find another guy who wants to spend some time with her..


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## frusdil

SimplyAmorous said:


> I would not blow a guy off if he fell on some hard times financially..


Neither would I. My husband is extremely stressed at the moment about work/his job. I told him lastnight to try not to stress (but I know that's not easy for men, my husband takes great pride in providing for us) and that whatever happens we'll be alright, as long as we have each other and our girl, nothing else matters.

OP in dating speak you told this girl that you were not interested in her, then when she tried to suggest alternative things you could do, you blew her off again and put the final nail in the coffin.

Sounds like she has a backbone and self pride - she aint chasin' down some guy who's clearly not interested. More power to her.


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## Marduk

SMG15 said:


> I met this girl off of POF and we went out twice and then all of a sudden in the beginning of the year I got hit with something unexpected
> 
> I was notified by mail that my building was sold and my lease would not be renewed. So I told her that I won't be able to date at this time because I had nothing saved up and I will never every dime between jan and april to save up for moving. So there would be no money for dating until I sign a new lease
> 
> She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date. Anyway she got mad and ended the conversation and sent a text wishing me the best.
> 
> 
> Was she being selfish?


Gee, I dunno, you liked her enough to go on 2 dates and then she said she was ok with you having no money to spend on her. 

Looks like you let a good one get away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor

Yep, it would seem like a blow-off. You gotta learn how to make good of a bad situation. Even when my car broke down on a 1st date, We still had fun as I just had a friend pick us up and transport us to her car. She gave me a ride home the next day.


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## Tomara

Why couldn't you have thought to just watch a movie, play cards, there are tons of things to do that don't cost money. I would have said see you later too. 

We all have last minute stressors in our lives. Why didn't you just tell her you were stressed and needed a couple of days to get your act together but tell her you were looking forward to seeing her again?

I have read your posts and you appear to have no physical clue on dating and relationships. 

Why do you think you have a hard time having or getting a good relationship?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Buddy400

SMG15 said:


> I
> Was she being selfish?


No. 

You were being a d!ck


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## SMG15

Lovetoday0809 said:


> I would have taken that as rejection too and said goodbye. I think most guys who want to break up make excuses instead of outright saying "I don't like you and don't want to date you anymore."
> 
> So she was hurt and decided to move on. If you do want to try to stay with her you have an uphill battle now.



How can I date with no money?


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## SMG15

BetrayedDad said:


> This 100%. I would of dump texted OP too. He came up with crap reasons to blow her off and now he doesn't understand why she is mad.
> 
> @SMG15 Do you have some type of autistic spectrum disorder OP? You seem to have serious issues interpreting social cues and interpreting human behavior. You may want to see a specialist and get yourself diagnosed. I mean that sincerely. Something is wrong with you.



reported


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## CH

SMG15 said:


> How can I date with no money?


WOW, just wow. She can come over to your place

Watch a movie and cuddle, learn to cook together, play board games, play video games, watch a movie and cuddle, etc...BTW, alot of times watching a movie and cuddling leads to other things.....I'm pretty sure alot of people wouldn't mind doing this (especially in the honeymoon phase) over and over and over again.

If you equate dating = spending money on a girl....Like someone posted before, you let a good one get away because of your own insecurities.

MOST GUYS WOULD KILL TO FIND A GIRL LIKE THAT. Go out, spend nothing.......well except spending time with one another.


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## phillybeffandswiss

You took that as an insult? Was it because he said "crap"? I basically said the same thing earlier, I just didn't name a disorder. You do seem to completely miss and misunderstand social cues in your many many threads. You asked if a woman, who said "can we go hang out at free events," is selfish when you ended it after missing a HUGE hint in the process. The only way to be clearer was to say, "HEY, PAY OR FREE I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU "

The fact you talk about her attitude, while missing your own faux pas, does raise questions about you.


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## SMG15

phillybeffandswiss said:


> You took that as an insult? Was it because he said "crap"? I basically said the same thing earlier, I just didn't name a disorder. You do seem to completely miss and misunderstand social cues in your many many threads. You asked if a woman, who said "can we go hang out at free events," is selfish when you ended it after missing a HUGE hint in the process. The only way to be clearer was to say, "HEY, PAY OR FREE I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU "
> 
> The fact you talk about her attitude, while missing your own faux pas, does raise questions about you.




I'm the type of person who doesn't like to go out and have fun when I am going through a crisis. Like if I am unemployed I want to find a job before going to some event. And in this case I want to sign a new lease before I go out.


Just trying to stabilize my living situation


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## BlueWoman

SMG15 said:


> How can I date with no money?




I guess I should ask how do you have any kind of social interaction without money?

In answer to your question, no, she is not being selfish. 

There are two ways she can think about your choice to not date her because you have no money and have shock over having to move. 1) It's an excuse and you are blowing her off. 2) You really are so freaked out that you have to move, which suggests you are extremely emotionally immature, doesn't handle crisis, and would make a terrible long term partner. 

She did the only thing that would be appropriate.

Now, stop arguing with everyone. People have already answered how you can date without money, multiple times in this thread. 

You could invite her to your house and make her dinner,
you could take her to a free museum.
You could go to an art gallery.
You could go for a walk.
You could pick up a local news paper, like the free times and see what's happening. There are often events in coffee shops and bars that really only cost the price of a drink. (And if you can't afford that because you have to move, you should really consider that you are not ready for dating. A move shouldn't break you so much that you can't afford two cups of coffee.) 

This is your challenge...instead of arguing about why you can't do those things. Try to find two more things that you could do that would be inexpensive or free.


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## BlueWoman

SMG15 said:


> I'm the type of person who doesn't like to go out and have fun when I am going through a crisis. Like if I am unemployed I want to find a job before going to some event. And in this case I want to sign a new lease before I go out.
> 
> 
> Just trying to stabilize my living situation


I believe that's true about you. But your rigid social rules and your inability to flexible when faced with new challenges is a problem for you. 

You are going to have a hard time finding a woman who can put up with your idiosyncrasies if you don't put some effort into recognizing them in yourself and working on them. You won't work on them if you are denial.


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## SMG15

BlueWoman said:


> I believe that's true about you. But your rigid social rules and your inability to flexible when faced with new challenges is a problem for you.
> 
> You are going to have a hard time finding a woman who can put up with your idiosyncrasies if you don't put some effort into recognizing them in yourself and working on them. You won't work on them if you are denial.



I ddin't think a woman would want to date a guy with a whole a lot of drama going on


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## phillybeffandswiss

SMG15 said:


> I'm the type of person who doesn't like to go out and have fun when I am going through a crisis. Like if I am unemployed I want to find a job before going to some event. And in this case I want to sign a new lease before I go out.
> 
> 
> Just trying to stabilize my living situation


Dance around the real issue all day/night long, it is just an excuse. You treated her like trash, which is your right, then came here to ask if she was selfish. When you didn't get the response you liked, you said it was her attitude.


Do you notice how it is the situation or her fault not yours?

I noticed.


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## Evinrude58

I'm just very angry that I haven't thought of this technique before to see of a lady is into me, or my huge paycheck! Lol

OP, are you incapable of saying you made a mistake to this lady? Or are you going to hang on to this blame shift all the way?

You messed up. Sounds like your lady was worth seeing more of, too.
You seem like your own worst enemy. Own it. Apologize and ask her to go for a walk and explain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rachaelm

SMG15 said:


> I ddin't think a woman would want to date a guy with a whole a lot of drama going on


Having to move is not a dramatic event, needing four months to adjust to the idea of it is a bit dramatic. It's probably a good thing you broke up with her, then picked apart her suggestion of going to free events.


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## SMG15

rachaelm said:


> Having to move is not a dramatic event, needing four months to adjust to the idea of it is a bit dramatic. It's probably a good thing you broke up with her, then picked apart her suggestion of going to free events.



It's dramatic, not a lot od savings, not sure if I will get the security deposit and needing to find a safe and affordable to place to live by April.

That's drama


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## rachaelm

SMG15 said:


> It's dramatic, not a lot od savings, not sure if I will get the security deposit and needing to find a safe and affordable to place to live by April.
> 
> That's drama


What did you envision happening when you told her you couldn't see because you have to move in four months?


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## Evinrude58

That's just life. We all deal with it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rachaelm

Evinrude58 said:


> That's just life. We all deal with it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's just life implies that he has no control over events, instead of looking at what he actually did that caused him to feel rejected. Or maybe you were just talking about having to move...:smile2:


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## SMG15

rachaelm said:


> That's just life implies that he has no control over events, instead of looking at what he actually did that caused him to feel rejected. Or maybe you were just talking about having to move...:smile2:





Doesn't dating bring a lot of drama? So why would I need added drama with my own drama going on?


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## rachaelm

SMG15 said:


> Doesn't dating bring a lot of drama? So why would I need added drama with my own drama going on?


That doesn't answer the question of what you envisioned happening when you told her that.


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## SMG15

rachaelm said:


> That doesn't answer the question of what you envisioned happening when you told her that.


Thinking maybe we could be friends for now


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## rachaelm

SMG15 said:


> Thinking maybe we could be friends for now


Did you tell her that?


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## SMG15

rachaelm said:


> Did you tell her that?


she wanted more


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## rachaelm

SMG15 said:


> she wanted more


So you did tell her that you liked her and wanted to date her but due to your living situation drama you could only be friends for a while? Or you told her you wouldn't have money and couldn't go out, then she offered to go to free events, you turned her down, then she wished you good luck? These are two very different things.


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## Evinrude58

The force is strong in this one......

The force of stubbornness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vega

SMG15 said:


> well we can still stay in contact and talk on the phone until you are ready to go out again


Why didn't YOU tell her this?


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## alexm

SMG15 said:


> How can I date with no money?


Three words: Netflix and Chill.


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## NextTimeAround

alexm said:


> Three words: Netflix and Chill.



It depends on where you live. There are museums that have free hours. This winter seems to be rather warm. So onsome days, a walk in thepark would be nice.

Your would have been friend seemed to know of free things to do in your city. You didn't give her a chance.

Ask yourself why you needed to be negative to this woman. And see if you can control those urges in similar situations going forward.


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## header

Buddy400 said:


> No.
> 
> You were being a d!ck


reported


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## header

alexm said:


> Three words: Netflix and Chill.


reported


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## header

Evinrude58 said:


> The force is strong in this one......
> 
> The force of stubbornness.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


reported


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## header

header said:


> reported


reported

oh wait a minute


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## NextTimeAround

alexm said:


> Three words: Netflix and Chill.


This doesn't work. We women are told that if we don't want men to get the idea that we're ready to have sex, we should not go to a guy's house.


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## alexm

NextTimeAround said:


> This doesn't work. We women are told that if we don't want men to get the idea that we're ready to have sex, we should not go to a guy's house.


It was tongue in cheek  It's not something I would actually suggest (I have no game, and I'm also too old (40) to actually use a line like that!)

That said, it has some merit. After 2 dates, the woman is clearly interested in seeing OP again (or WAS), despite his professed lack of funds for dates.

Part of me thinks she might have been hoping to hook up (as the kids say). You don't have to be a sleazebag to invite a woman to your place, especially on the third date, and especially if going out and spending money isn't an option. If she's interested, she'll say yes. It also does not necessarily imply something will happen. My wife and I spent a fair amount of time just hanging out on my couch when we were dating, prior to us having sex the first time.


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## phillybeffandswiss

SMG15 said:


> she wanted more


So did you. If you didn't you wouldn't be angry at her attitude.


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## turnera

SMG15 said:


> I had to let the initial shock get out of my system first before i go out again. she was acting like she wanted to go out that weekend.


And you were acting like you wanted to stop seeing her.

And when she tried to find a solution, you shot her down. 

So she took BOTH cues you gave, and moved on.


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## SimplyAmorous

SMG15 said:


> *I ddin't think a woman would want to date a guy with a whole a lot of drama going on*


Everyone's life has a little "drama" now & then... do you know anyone who is exempt ?

There is a big difference between a little temporary drama vs ongoing consistent never ending drama /hardships.



> *SMG15 said : * *Doesn't dating bring a lot of drama? *So why would I need added drama with my own drama going on?


 Now we're getting to the heart of it.. the root of your behavior is...you see dating -which implies women as "added Drama".. 

That's OK.. many men do.. just own it..you are the one who wanted "out"..


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## WonkyNinja

SMG15 said:


> How can I date with no money?


I thought she offered you a solution to that in her reply?


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## SMG15

NextTimeAround said:


> This doesn't work. We women are told that if we don't want men to get the idea that we're ready to have sex, we should not go to a guy's house.


Not true because I'm not a animal and would not have sex the first time a woman comes to my house


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## Evinrude58

I'm an animal😊
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lexis

SMG15 said:


> Not true because I'm not a animal and would not have sex the first time a woman comes to my house


Why do you think that people who have sex the first time they go over to another person's house are animals?


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## SMG15

lexis said:


> Why do you think that people who have sex the first time they go over to another person's house are animals?


Because eveything doesn't have to be about sex when someone comes over the first time


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## frusdil

BetrayedDad said:


> This 100%. I would of dump texted OP too. He came up with crap reasons to blow her off and now he doesn't understand why she is mad.
> 
> @SMG15 Do you have some type of autistic spectrum disorder OP? You seem to have serious issues interpreting social cues and interpreting human behavior. You may want to see a specialist and get yourself diagnosed. I mean that sincerely. Something is wrong with you.


 @SMG15 Can I ask why you reported this post? I can't see anything in it that is offensive? Just trying to understand...thanks


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## Maricha75

lexis said:


> Why do you think that people who have sex the first time they go over to another person's house are animals?





SMG15 said:


> Because eveything doesn't have to be about sex when someone comes over the first time


You didn't answer the question. It wasn't whether or not everything has to be about sex the first time someone comes over. The question was "why do you think those who DO have sex the first time they come over to a date's apartment are animals?"

Oh, and, hi, SMG. It's been awhile, but I see some things haven't changed.


----------



## SMG15

frusdil said:


> @SMG15 Can I ask why you reported this post? I can't see anything in it that is offensive? Just trying to understand...thanks


Because the poster was baiting me into a personal attack so she/he could click the report button


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> You didn't answer the question. It wasn't whether or not everything has to be about sex the first time someone comes over. The question was "why do you think those who DO have sex the first time they come over to a date's apartment are animals?"
> 
> Oh, and, hi, SMG. It's been awhile, but I see some things haven't changed.


Because I am not looking to get naked as soon as someone come to my apt. It's other things we can do the first time besides making out


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Because I am not looking to get naked as soon as someone come to my apt. It's other things we can do the first time besides making out


That's why YOU don't have sex the first time someone goes to your place. But that still doesn't answer why OTHER people are animals if they do. 

I met my husband online. I traveled over 1000 miles to meet him, in person. I spent a week with him, before flying back home. We had sex that first night, though that wasn't the intention. I don't feel either of us is an animal. Whole sex was not the intention, I did know it was a possibility, as did he. Not once, in the 17 years, would I ever consider myself, or him, a lust-filled animal. In fact, I would go so far as to say, unequivocally, that we are NOT animals, by your definition. And, really, neither is anyone who DOES have sex on the first date at someone's house. It's fine that it doesn't mesh with YOUR standards. But not everyone lives as you do. 

I think you did the right thing with this woman, honestly. As was stated months ago, you really are not ready for dating. You honestly do not understand what dating really is. You have preconceived notions about what dating SHOULD be... and if things deviate from that, you freak out. I'd say you bring more than your fair share of drama to the dating scene. Now, was this young lady selfish or wrong? Absolutely not. You, on the other hand, were. You pushed her away, even though she was willing to find alternatives. 4 months to move is dramatic? Really? Try having two WEEKS to pack all your stuff, along with that of three children, and move 1000 miles away. THAT is drama. THAT is stressful. Had you taken her up on her suggestion, I could see this playing out VERY differently. 

"SMG: I just found out I have 4 months to be out of my place, and I really don't want to burden you with extra drama, so I would understand if you want to hold off on dating for awhile.

Lady: I know moving can be stressful, especially financially. I know it can be overwhelming. What if we try some free, possibly even very low cost, options for now?

SMG: Are you sure? I can be rather intense when facing things like this.

Lady: I'm sure. You seem to be a nice guy, and I would like to see if anything develops between us. 

SMG: Ok, well, let me apologize in advance, in the event I get too intense over this.

Lady: Duly noted.

SMG: So what kinds of activities did you have in mind?"

It could have EASILY gone that way. So... what happened? You. You got in the way of yourself, SMG. You always seem to get in the way of yourself.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Because the poster was baiting me into a personal attack so she/he could click the report button


No, he wasn't. He was stating something that has often been stated since your first post here... by multiple posters. No baiting involved.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> No, he wasn't. He was stating something that has often been stated since your first post here... by multiple posters. No baiting involved.


well help me find a place and I can give you my email addresss lol


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> well help me find a place and I can give you my email addresss lol


Wtf? Why would I need your email address? That makes absolutely no sense. :scratchhead:


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Wtf? Why would I need your email address? That makes absolutely no sense. :scratchhead:


lol. to give me listings


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> lol. to give me listings


I'm sure many of us could (and would!) give you plenty of places to go in the Philadelphia area if you were serious.


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm sure many of us could (and would!) give you plenty of places to go in the Philadelphia area if you were serious.


Studios in the Drexl or Penn area


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Studios in the Drexl or Penn area


Studios?


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> Studios?


yes you never heard of a studio apt?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> yes you never heard of a studio apt?


I, of course, was talking about suggesting someone to diagnose your psychological disorder. But, of course, you knew that. 

I'm sure you already know your diagnosis, but for whatever reason (not my business) you won't say. 

It is certainly your prerogative to not disclose your diagnosis, but I do know many of us here would be kind and helpful in guiding you in your attempts at navigating the dating field.


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> I, of course, was talking about suggesting someone to diagnose your psychological disorder. But, of course, you knew that.
> 
> I'm sure you already know your diagnosis, but for whatever reason (not my business) you won't say.
> 
> It is certainly your prerogative to not disclose your diagnosis, but I do know many of us here would be kind and helpful in guiding you in your attempts at navigating the dating field.



Reported.


----------



## SMG15

Personal said:


> For whatever reason you have been posting here (assuming you are not a troll and are telling the truth), you evidently have significant problem relating to people normally, understanding normal human interaction and much more.
> 
> Unfortunate though that is, all advice that encourages you to seek professional help for your problems is well intentioned. In all seriousness considering the extent of your problems, it is unlikely that you can be helped here on these forums.
> 
> So instead of vexatiously reporting other posters, I encourage you to get professional help for your significant problems,...... as soon as you possibly can!



stop talking to me


----------



## FeministInPink

header said:


> reported


 @header

Why in the world would you report alexm for "Netflix and Chill"? There is absolutely nothing objectionable about that post.

SMH.


----------



## FeministInPink

SMG15 said:


> Because the poster was baiting me into a personal attack so she/he could click the report button


Erm... you can't pre-emptively report someone else because of something YOU might do in response. It doesn't work like that. And it is a waste of the mods' time.

Take responsibility for your own actions. If someone is baiting you, ignore them. If you can't control your reactions to other people, you might need to take a break. 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## SMG15

FeministInPink said:


> Erm... you can't pre-emptively report someone else because of something YOU might do in response. It doesn't work like that. And it is a waste of the mods' time.
> 
> Take responsibility for your own actions. If someone is baiting you, ignore them. If you can't control your reactions to other people, you might need to take a break.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk



Then if say something nasty the person feelings gets hurt and then they report me. That's how things on this board works


----------



## FeministInPink

SMG15 said:


> Then if say something nasty the person feelings gets hurt and then they report me. That's how things on this board works


If you say something nasty that is actually reportable, that's your own fault, not their's. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions--stop blaming others.

And no, that's NOT how things on this board work. Most people are capable of having civil conversations here. And when one user says something obnoxious, most people won't get into a p!ssing contest--they just add that user to their ignore list.

I've been on TAM over 3 yrs, and while I've had a lot of people bait me, I've never been banned for my responses, and the only people I've reported were spammers.

You need to grow up a little bit, SMG15. That much has been evidenced by many of your threads. It would do you a world of good.

I am sorry to hear about the apartment. Good luck with your search.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

PS--And if you keep reporting posts that don't actually violate the forum rules, the Mods can ban YOU for that.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## SMG15

FeministInPink said:


> PS--And if you keep reporting posts that don't actually violate the forum rules, the Mods can ban YOU for that.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


so wayment, a person can't get banned for baiting but someone who responds to a insult gets banned???


----------



## WonkyNinja

SMG15 said:


> so wayment, a person can't get banned for baiting but someone who responds to a insult gets banned???


Correct. 

The solution is not to respond if you believe you are getting baited. 

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

SMG15 said:


> so wayment, a person can't get banned for baiting but someone who responds to a insult gets banned???


If someone outright insults you or calls you a name (or uses a derogatory slur, or something like that), yes, they can be banned.

(When someone mentioned the autistic spectrum, that wasn't intended as an insult. It was a genuine inquiry, because some of your behavioral patterns seem like they might belong to someone with an autism spectrum disorder, and if you ARE and you get tested, having that diagnosis will be helpful to you. The person who said that was genuinely trying to be helpful. They weren't intending to insult.

That's completely different from calling someone a retard because you don't like their opinions.)

People who WANT to bait are very good at doing it without crossing the line into ban-able territory. They will get very close to the line, and taunt you, to get you to cross it. They usually target people who are hotheads.

I haven't seen anything here on this thread where people were actually baiting you. 

I DID see one post that might be ban-able. That wasn't posted by you, not was it posted by anyone you took issue with on this thread. For some reason, YOU didn't report it. Someone else did, though, I think.

From what I've seen of your posts, people answer your questions and give you constructive criticism to help you to improve your life experiences, and you frequently react as if they are making personal attacks on you. You tend to react defensively and go on the attack, when people are trying to help you. If you keep doing that, you'll never learn and things in your life won't change. And people will stop trying to help you.

If you want to improve your lot in life, you have to eat some humble pie, learn to take criticism (especially that which you don't like!), and apply that advice and work on improving.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, and if someone baits you, and you take the bait and say something that violates the rules of the forum, then you WILL get banned.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## alexm

FeministInPink said:


> From what I've seen of your posts, people answer your questions and give you constructive criticism to help you to improve your life experiences, and you frequently react as if they are making personal attacks on you. You tend to react defensively and go on the attack, when people are trying to help you. If you keep doing that, you'll never learn and things in your life won't change. And people will stop trying to help you.
> 
> If you want to improve your lot in life, you have to eat some humble pie, learn to take criticism (especially that which you don't like!), and apply that advice and work on improving.


This x1000

People are here to help. You may not like their particular, individual methods of doing so, but that's on the receiver of the advice.

Some people are direct, some are sympathetic and kind, others can be quite blunt - but it all adds up to the same thing at the end of the day - their 2 cents.

My "Netflix and Chill" comment was intended as humour BUT with a little bit of reality mixed in. It got reported. I didn't even bother to ask why, because... meh.

This has turned into 7 pages of people telling you same thing, over and over, with you apparently not listening to a word anybody's saying - because you didn't like the answer.

You didn't handle the situation well. The girl was CLEARLY interested in seeing you again, regardless of your monetary situation. You shut her down with no real explanation than "I have no money to date". Then you wondered why she allegedly copped an attitude with you.

If the roles were reversed, and you went on two nice dates with somebody you liked, then she gave up a lame excuse to not see you again - WITHOUT giving a full and proper explanation - you'd be allowed to be upset, as well.

You asked a question, you got the same response multiple times - read and learn. Frankly, your replies towards some of the responses border on baiting, as well.

End of story.


----------



## Maricha75

FeministInPink said:


> @header
> 
> Why in the world would you report alexm for "Netflix and Chill"? There is absolutely nothing objectionable about that post.
> 
> SMH.


If you look at the others he said that on, he even clicked his own post, saying "reported ... oh, wait a minute"... or something like that.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> lol. to give me listings


Ehhhh... no. I'm not comfortable with giving you my email address. Thanks anyway.


----------



## SMG15

WonkyNinja said:


> Correct.
> 
> The solution is not to respond if you believe you are getting baited.
> 
> Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk




So the person who insults person gets no infractions at all?


----------



## Vega

SMG15 said:


> So the person who insults person gets no infractions at all?


Infractions?

Anywho, to answer your subject question



> Ladies if you went on 2 dates with a guy and was told this would you feel rejected?


Yes, I would feel rejected. If your concern was about money and I made the suggestion that we could do things that were free or low-cost and you TURNED ME DOWN, I would think that you simply didn't want to see me anymore. 

And no...she wasn't being "selfish". Can't figure out why you would even _think_ that.


----------



## FeministInPink

Maricha75 said:


> If you look at the others he said that on, he even clicked his own post, saying "reported ... oh, wait a minute"... or something like that.


Yes, thank you I've already received several PMs "enlightening" me. I did realize his intent after I saw his additional "reports" (which I saw after I posted). I also saw that he had been banned, so I didn't feel a retraction was particularly necessary.

But thank you to everyone who has corrected me, I feel sufficiently shamed for not reading it correctly. You can stop now.


----------



## lexis

SMG15 said:


> Then if say something nasty the person feelings gets hurt and then they report me. That's how things on this board works


Don't say something nasty. On here or in real life. The results will not be productive.


----------



## FeministInPink

lexis said:


> Don't say something nasty. On here or in real life. The results will not be productive.


:iagree:


----------



## Maricha75

@FeministInPink, I apologize. I truly was not trying to shame you. Actually, I noticed after my post that alexm's was reported anyway. I thought it was just a joke, header saying he reported the posts. So, again, I apologize. Forgive me?


----------



## gouge_away

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Go read his other threads, he needs to seek counseling for some type of FOO issues or something. He has a very....hmmmm...awkward world view on life and dating. You reject someone who OBVUIOUSLY wants to keep going out and you can't believe the person cops an attitude? Yes, he has issues.
> 
> Meh... He is young stuff like this, losing his lease, will teach him to save.


I don't think that he has any foo issues.

Your right he does have a very different world view. That doesn't mean that his world view is any more wrong than another's.

He just completes the puzzle differently and in the end has a different picture than most people; the puzzle is still complete and the pieces fit together.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## Maricha75

gouge_away said:


> I don't think that he has any foo issues.
> 
> Your right he does have a very different world view. That doesn't mean that his world view is any more wrong than another's.
> 
> He just completes the puzzle differently and in the end has a different picture than most people; the puzzle is still complete and the pieces fit together.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


The only thing I can think of, off the top of my head, is he gets annoyed when his mom is nice to servers who HE feels performed subpar work. Oh, and he hates when she is the first text/call of the day, especially when he is hoping it will be a lady he is dating, instead.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> The only thing I can think of, off the top of my head, is he gets annoyed when his mom is nice to servers who HE feels performed subpar work. Oh, and he hates when she is the first text/call of the day, especially when he is hoping it will be a lady he is dating, instead.



Because her texts are always about nothing

Because she was making an excuse for a waitress crappy behavior


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Because her texts are always about nothing
> 
> Because she was making an excuse for a waitress crappy behavior


Nothing, to you. But she is not you. So, you had put her into your spam folder. 

As for the waitress, we discussed that at length in your other thread. You perceived bad behavior. I believe some pointed out that her behavior may have been a reflection of your own. But, as always, you deflected. Nothing can possibly show you to be "at fault". It MUST be someone else who is to blame.

Thus, the conclusion drawn by nearly everyone here... if you are not in counseling, you need to be. Not just for the above mentioned issues, but also to address your inability to connect with most people on a basic level. Nobody means it as an insult. On the contrary, they genuinely want to help you connect with others. They want you to move out if your egocentric viewpoint into one that is more acceptable. I see nothing wrong with wanting to help you better yourself.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

gouge_away said:


> I don't think that he has any foo issues.
> 
> Your right he does have a very different world view. That doesn't mean that his world view is any more wrong than another's.
> 
> He just completes the puzzle differently and in the end has a different picture than most people; the puzzle is still complete and the pieces fit together.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


LOL, Bait rejected.


----------



## FeministInPink

Maricha75 said:


> @FeministInPink, I apologize. I truly was not trying to shame you. Actually, I noticed after my post that alexm's was reported anyway. I thought it was just a joke, header saying he reported the posts. So, again, I apologize. Forgive me?


Of course! No real offense taken 

I'm surprised someone ACTUALLY reported it. There really wasn't anything offensive in it...


----------



## FeministInPink

phillybeffandswiss said:


> LOL, Bait rejected.


Ha ha!


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Nothing, to you. But she is not you. So, you had put her into your spam folder.
> 
> As for the waitress, we discussed that at length in your other thread. You perceived bad behavior. I believe some pointed out that her behavior may have been a reflection of your own. But, as always, you deflected. Nothing can possibly show you to be "at fault". It MUST be someone else who is to blame.
> 
> Thus, the conclusion drawn by nearly everyone here... if you are not in counseling, you need to be. Not just for the above mentioned issues, but also to address your inability to connect with most people on a basic level. Nobody means it as an insult. On the contrary, they genuinely want to help you connect with others. They want you to move out if your egocentric viewpoint into one that is more acceptable. I see nothing wrong with wanting to help you better yourself.


Maybe you can counsel me?


----------



## FeministInPink

SMG15 said:


> Maybe you can counsel me?


SMG, you need to see an actual trained, professional counselor, not someone you meet here on TAM. You live in a major urban area, there should be plenty of options available to you.


----------



## Maricha75

In addition to what FeministInPink said, suggesting that I could counsel you is inappropriate. I can advise, as a layperson, but that is the extent of my ability.


----------



## lexis

In a way we're ALL counseling you.

Although it appears you prefer the female touch which is understandable.


----------



## gouge_away

phillybeffandswiss said:


> LOL, Bait rejected.


I don't even know what that means, I'm not trolling.

I seriously don't think it is fair to assume just because someone is socially awkward it is because of learned behavior.

I also have my own assumptions, but unless he is willing to see a specialist it doesn't matter what my assumptions are.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## SMG15

I can't be too socially awkward if i made it to the 2nd and 3rd date over and over


----------



## FeministInPink

SMG15 said:


> I can't be too socially awkward if i made it to the 2nd and 3rd date over and over


That's not an accurate barometer. 

If I go out with a guy who is socially awkward on the first date but he has other redeeming qualities, I might consider a second date, to give him a second chance to make a first impression. Because, in my mind, height have been having a bad day or got dome bad news, or something else that influenced his behavior. Or he was just nervous. But if the awkward behavior continues through the second date, he doesn't get a third.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> I can't be too socially awkward if i made it to the 2nd and 3rd date over and over


what about a 5th or 10th? I will always give someone a second chance, and sometimes a third chance, just to make sure I wasn't having an off day or something. But I can't remember a time I gave someone a fourth chance.


----------



## FeministInPink

turnera said:


> what about a 5th or 10th? I will always give someone a second chance, and sometimes a third chance, just to make sure I wasn't having an off day or something. But I can't remember a time I gave someone a fourth chance.


I can: never.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

SMG15 said:


> I can't be too socially awkward if i made it to the 2nd and 3rd date *over and over*


Now, you may not be socially awkward, but continually only getting two and three dates isn't good. We will disagree at your self assessment conclusion.


----------



## SMG15

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Now, you may not be socially awkward, but continually only getting two and three dates isn't good. We will disagree at your self assessment conclusion.


Some of those didn't go further because of things out of my control

Health Issues
Job Issues
Family Issues


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

SMG15 said:


> Some of those didn't go further because of things out of my control
> 
> Health Issues
> Job Issues
> Family Issues


Yes and it still doesn't negate my point.


----------



## FeministInPink

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Yes and it still doesn't negate my point.


Agreed.


----------



## Evinrude58

Something I find more telling than any psychological textbooks:
If a person can't accept blame, and can't ever say they're sorry and mean it, they have a problem.

You really need to hold off on dating until you can figure out how you can do these two things because we all screw up, and everyone we care for needs to know we are truly sorry and will so our best not to let the same thing happen again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> I met this girl off of POF and we went out twice and then all of a sudden in the beginning of the year I got hit with something unexpected
> 
> I was notified by mail that my building was sold and my lease would not be renewed. So I told her that I won't be able to date at this time because I had nothing saved up and I will never every dime between jan and april to save up for moving. So there would be no money for dating until I sign a new lease
> 
> She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date. Anyway she got mad and ended the conversation and sent a text wishing me the best.
> 
> 
> Was she being selfish?


I'm curious where you got "selfish" out of her reaction. ??? I could see over-reacting or unreasonable, but "selfish" seems like an odd interpretation on your part.

My guess is that she was not being selfish but you were being clueless. Clueless as to how your revelation struck her. 

You've only been on two dates and you are calling her up saying that you can't see her anymore because you're broke. She immediately indicates her interest in you regardless and suggests doing some free things together. Hardly selfish.

You reject her offer. 

OK, you have your reasons - you are wigging out over what's happening to you right now. But if I were in her shoes I would think that you simply did not want to see me anymore. After all, you didn't say "I need a little time" you said "I can't afford to date" and I just said "It won't cost you" but you're still saying you don't want to see me. I'd think - OK, I can take a hint, _he's not interested in me_ and this is his way of telling me to get loss nicely. 

I don't know if I'd get angry and hang up, but I'm sure my pride would be wounded and I'd want to get off the phone as fast as possible.

Remember - she didn't have a chance to process what you were telling her either.

Later I might send you a "have a nice life" text to sooth over any bad feelings.

If you really did like her, you might send a nice text back thanking her and saying something like "If you're still available when I get things figured out, I'd love to take you out again."

BTW, good luck with your situation. Moving sucks!


----------



## SMG15

WorkingWife said:


> I'm curious where you got "selfish" out of her reaction. ??? I could see over-reacting or unreasonable, but "selfish" seems like an odd interpretation on your part.
> 
> My guess is that she was not being selfish but you were being clueless. Clueless as to how your revelation struck her.
> 
> You've only been on two dates and you are calling her up saying that you can't see her anymore because you're broke. She immediately indicates her interest in you regardless and suggests doing some free things together. Hardly selfish.
> 
> You reject her offer.
> 
> OK, you have your reasons - you are wigging out over what's happening to you right now. But if I were in her shoes I would think that you simply did not want to see me anymore. After all, you didn't say "I need a little time" you said "I can't afford to date" and I just said "It won't cost you" but you're still saying you don't want to see me. I'd think - OK, I can take a hint, _he's not interested in me_ and this is his way of telling me to get loss nicely.
> 
> I don't know if I'd get angry and hang up, but I'm sure my pride would be wounded and I'd want to get off the phone as fast as possible.
> 
> Remember - she didn't have a chance to process what you were telling her either.
> 
> Later I might send you a "have a nice life" text to sooth over any bad feelings.
> 
> If you really did like her, you might send a nice text back thanking her and saying something like "If you're still available when I get things figured out, I'd love to take you out again."
> 
> BTW, good luck with your situation. Moving sucks!




First of all let me explain something to you, that was the first time I ever received a notice in the mail telling me I had to move when I was not planning to do so. So atleast let the initial shock of the letter fade away before you mention going out again. Understand what I am trying to explain to you?


----------



## FeministInPink

SMG15 said:


> First of all let me explain something to you, that was the first time I ever received a notice in the mail telling me I had to move when I was not planning to do so. So atleast let the initial shock of the letter fade away before you mention going out again. Understand what I am trying to explain to you?


This, right here. @SMG15, do you not hear the straight-up condescension in your tone? I've seen you unnecessarily treat others the same way on this forum in other threads. If this is any indication of how you treat people IRL, I'm not surprised that you're having problems finding a relationship.

You want people's sympathy, but no one's going to be sympathetic if you're being mean and disrespectful.

You're going on and on about how you were shocked because you found out you only had 4 months to find a new place. You're not getting any sympathy because that's happened to tons of people before you, and they managed ok. Try TWO WEEKS.

Yeah, that's right. When this happened to me, about 10 years ago, I found out the day before Thanksgiving that I had to be out of my place by December 10. I had two weeks--but not really. Because I found out the day before Thanksgiving, and none of the rental agencies would be open until MONDAY, I actually only had TEN DAYS. I found an apartment--below market in an expensive city--packed up all my stuff and moved, all in 10 days. Without taking any time off work.

Stop whining.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, yeah, and I packed up all my partner's stuff, too, because he was too lazy to help with the packing.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## threelittlestars

So i just read the entire thread shaking my head time and time again. 

First. WTF? "Netflix and chill", is like saying "Dinner and a movie!"

How does that warrant a report? Unless you don't understand the phrase of the millennials? 

Im coming in here tip toeing... hoping i don't get banned for giving honest personal opinion and maybe some counsel on this situation without it being construed as some sort of personal attack. Its my first day! And i have read the rules... But reports seem to be handed out like suckers at the bank. 

Honestly give the poor moderators a break! I bet they work super hard! :smile2:

Now to the (OP).. She was not selfish. You entirely over thought and over acted the issue.

moving houses and taking care of grown up stuff is not massive drama that your entire life has to halt. Life goes on regardless of the dollar amount in your bank account (I don't know how old you are but you MUST learn to 'adult' a bit more effectively so their issues don't arise.) What is going to happen if you ever have kids? You going to quit working cause you just can't do too much at once? 

I get the feeling, (Not an accusation) that you are a bit of a cop out? Cop out of the relationship, cop out of life, cop out of any responsibility you have in life to be functional....?? is this a possibility.

Dating is an operation of a functional youthful individual regardless of circumstance.(Wealthy or broke.) If you liked the girl don't you think YOU might have actually been selfish putting her on pause till your financial situation improved? Maybe if you were long term but man....It was only a few dates. 

I agree with everyone else, I feel you came across as the unreasonable one in my assessment. Now remember this is and opinion, not an attack. 

I would go father in that thought and say i think perhaps you were actually quite selfish to assume she would wait in the wings while you figure it out. Are you all that? Do you think you are a catch over anyone else? Just trying to get you to have perspective here, not offend you. I am sure you are really a great guy... But man, they way you have projected your situation here is massive defense with NO humility. It makes me fear for your dating and relationship future. 

I wish you well, but you must get a better bar to measure your social interactions with. 3 dates is a pretty low bar. 

Good luck. I hope this thread suggestion and counsel has you looking at this interaction differently. I think the girl seems wonderful.


----------



## SMG15

FeministInPink said:


> This, right here. @SMG15, do you not hear the straight-up condescension in your tone? I've seen you unnecessarily treat others the same way on this forum in other threads. If this is any indication of how you treat people IRL, I'm not surprised that you're having problems finding a relationship.
> 
> You want people's sympathy, but no one's going to be sympathetic if you're being mean and disrespectful.
> 
> You're going on and on about how you were shocked because you found out you only had 4 months to find a new place. You're not getting any sympathy because that's happened to tons of people before you, and they managed ok. Try TWO WEEKS.
> 
> Yeah, that's right. When this happened to me, about 10 years ago, I found out the day before Thanksgiving that I had to be out of my place by December 10. I had two weeks--but not really. Because I found out the day before Thanksgiving, and none of the rental agencies would be open until MONDAY, I actually only had TEN DAYS. I found an apartment--below market in an expensive city--packed up all my stuff and moved, all in 10 days. Without taking any time off work.
> 
> Stop whining.


Well this is my first experience so maybe if this happens again it would be such a big deal. Just like when I got laid off for the first time it was very scary but after being laid off 4 times it was no big deal.


----------



## SMG15

threelittlestars said:


> So i just read the entire thread shaking my head time and time again.
> 
> First. WTF? "Netflix and chill", is like saying "Dinner and a movie!"
> 
> How does that warrant a report? Unless you don't understand the phrase of the millennials?
> 
> Im coming in here tip toeing... hoping i don't get banned for giving honest personal opinion and maybe some counsel on this situation without it being construed as some sort of personal attack. Its my first day! And i have read the rules... But reports seem to be handed out like suckers at the bank.
> 
> Honestly give the poor moderators a break! I bet they work super hard! :smile2:
> 
> Now to the (OP).. She was not selfish. You entirely over thought and over acted the issue.
> 
> moving houses and taking care of grown up stuff is not massive drama that your entire life has to halt. Life goes on regardless of the dollar amount in your bank account (I don't know how old you are but you MUST learn to 'adult' a bit more effectively so their issues don't arise.) What is going to happen if you ever have kids? You going to quit working cause you just can't do too much at once?
> 
> I get the feeling, (Not an accusation) that you are a bit of a cop out? Cop out of the relationship, cop out of life, cop out of any responsibility you have in life to be functional....?? is this a possibility.
> 
> Dating is an operation of a functional youthful individual regardless of circumstance.(Wealthy or broke.) If you liked the girl don't you think YOU might have actually been selfish putting her on pause till your financial situation improved? Maybe if you were long term but man....It was only a few dates.
> 
> I agree with everyone else, I feel you came across as the unreasonable one in my assessment. Now remember this is and opinion, not an attack.
> 
> I would go father in that thought and say i think perhaps you were actually quite selfish to assume she would wait in the wings while you figure it out. Are you all that? Do you think you are a catch over anyone else? Just trying to get you to have perspective here, not offend you. I am sure you are really a great guy... But man, they way you have projected your situation here is massive defense with NO humility. It makes me fear for your dating and relationship future.
> 
> I wish you well, but you must get a better bar to measure your social interactions with. 3 dates is a pretty low bar.
> 
> Good luck. I hope this thread suggestion and counsel has you looking at this interaction differently. I think the girl seems wonderful.


I didn't expect her to wait which is why I said we can be friends. I knew that I could not go out on another date until I signed a new lease.


----------



## FeministInPink

threelittlestars said:


> So i just read the entire thread shaking my head time and time again.
> 
> First. WTF? "Netflix and chill", is like saying "Dinner and a movie!"


No, it's not 

It's millenial code for "come over to my place for casual sex/be my booty call."

:rofl:

Still not a reportable post, though.


----------



## FeministInPink

SMG15 said:


> Well this is my first experience so maybe if this happens again it would be such a big deal. Just like when I got laid off for the first time it was very scary but after being laid off 4 times it was no big deal.


The ten-day deal was my first experience, too.

Life throws you curve balls all the time. You have to learn how to deal with it.

When I was wet behind the ears, I thought you get a job, you take some time to learn the job, and then you do the same stuff year after year (if your workplace is on a 12-month cycle, the way mine is). It took me a little while to figure it out, but I learned it's not like that at all--every year is different, and the targets are constantly changing, and there are tech changes to keep up with, always competing with previous performance to imrpove, new marketplace challenges, different budgetary constraints to deal with. You have to constantly adapt. If you don't, you fail. And that's just the way life is.


----------



## threelittlestars

FeministInPink said:


> No, it's not
> 
> It's millenial code for "come over to my place for casual sex/be my booty call."
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> Still not a reportable post, though.



I meant it was a turn of phrase like dinner and a movie was a turn of phrase. The similarities end there. haha

I miss worded. Dang. Haha.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

SMG15 said:


> I met this girl off of POF and we went out twice and then all of a sudden in the beginning of the year I got hit with something unexpected
> 
> I was notified by mail that my building was sold and my lease would not be renewed. So I told her that I won't be able to date at this time because I had nothing saved up and I will never every dime between jan and april to save up for moving. So there would be no money for dating until I sign a new lease
> 
> She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date. Anyway she got mad and ended the conversation and sent a text wishing me the best.
> 
> 
> Was she being selfish?


No she's not being selfish - because she went the extra mile, so the second reply seemed like it was all a bad excuse brush off.

If it wasn't too long ago. follow up with an apology, saying you are really into her, and that you just didn't want to seem like a cheap arse. Look for something free to do, and ask her out.

You are panicking.
Talk to an advisor or priest or some sort of help - or even a wise friend about how to _not_panic_ in such situations. Do it before it becomes a habit which affects your whole life.

her reaction is perfectly reasonable - if you got that ,you would have thought it was a "lets be friends"" but I'll call you" txt !!


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

SMG15 said:


> Some of those didn't go further because of things out of my control
> 
> Health Issues
> Job Issues
> Family Issues


The excuse you can't cantrol, the way you handle them you can control. Find a new way.


----------



## Vega

SMG15 said:


> First of all let me explain something to you, that was the first time I ever received a notice in the mail telling me I had to move when I was not planning to do so. So atleast let the initial shock of the letter fade away before you mention going out again. Understand what I am trying to explain to you?


Just HOW MUCH time do you need for the "shock" to 'fade away'?


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> First of all let me explain something to you, that was the first time I ever received a notice in the mail telling me I had to move when I was not planning to do so. So atleast let the initial shock of the letter fade away before you mention going out again. Understand what I am trying to explain to you?


Yes, I understand completely. I would be totally stressed and freaking out if I were in your shoes.

I am just saying that you seem to be seeing the situation only from your own point of view just fine, but not considering her point of view. She didn't get the letter. She got phone call out of the blue from a guy she's only dated twice telling her he doesn't want to see her anymore because he can't afford it, and then when she offered to do something free, she was told that he still didn't want to see her. What is she supposed to think? I believe most women would conclude that at least you had the decency to call and not leave them wondering, but you were blowing them off. 

Do you understand what I'm trying to explain to you?


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> Some of those didn't go further because of things out of my control
> 
> Health Issues
> Job Issues
> Family Issues


This is not a good sign. If *you *ended things because of health, job, or family issues then you must not have been that interested in those women. Which is fine, but be honest with yourself.

You sound like the type of person who always has some reason why they perpetually have nothing but bad luck in life. Bad luck happens to everyone, and some more than others. But when bad luck is a way of life, you need to look for the common denominator - you. Successful people look for a way to make things work. It sounds like you use the first obstacle you encounter as a reason why it can't work.

I can't imagine saying "I can't see you anymore" to someone I _*wanted *_to keep seeing just because I had to save money to move in three months.


----------



## SMG15

Vega said:


> Just HOW MUCH time do you need for the "shock" to 'fade away'?


who knows if the situation is brand new


----------



## SMG15

WorkingWife said:


> This is not a good sign. If *you *ended things because of health, job, or family issues then you must not have been that interested in those women. Which is fine, but be honest with yourself.
> 
> You sound like the type of person who always has some reason why they perpetually have nothing but bad luck in life. Bad luck happens to everyone, and some more than others. But when bad luck is a way of life, you need to look for the common denominator - you. Successful people look for a way to make things work. It sounds like you use the first obstacle you encounter as a reason why it can't work.
> 
> I can't imagine saying "I can't see you anymore" to someone I _*wanted *_to keep seeing just because I had to save money to move in three months.


So if a person went on 3 dates with someone and is laid off are they supposed to still go out and have fun knowing they have to find a job in 6 months?


----------



## WorkingWife

Tomara said:


> ...I would have said see you later too...


The part I don't get is that it sounds like the OP called her to say "I can't see you anymore." 

She said "Sure you can"

He said "No, I can't"

She said "OK... Goodbye."

And now he is upset with her? Because...? 

Weird.


----------



## Vega

SMG15 said:


> So if a person went on 3 dates with someone and is laid off are they supposed to still go out and have fun knowing they have to find a job in 6 months?


OF COURSE! 

If *I* was in that situation, I would have NO PROBLEM looking for work during that 6 months AND dating. For all I know, my date(s) might be the catalyst to a new job in only 3 months!


----------



## threelittlestars

SMG15 said:


> So if a person went on 3 dates with someone and is laid off are they supposed to still go out and have fun knowing they have to find a job in 6 months?



Yes though (FRUGALLY) 

Because its better to date someone who looks on the bright side and is optimistic and positive compared to dating an Eeyore. (Winnie the pooh reference) 

The sky is not falling. It sucks but dropping her like a hot potato indicates that you RUN when stuff gets hard. You just tuck tail and run. 

Not very good boyfriend material or husband material in most girls books. Just a helpful hint. :nerd:

You probably just need to not have the need to be so profound on things. Maybe try...Aloof, go with the flow persona. It might alleviate some anxiety in the future.


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> So if a person went on 3 dates with someone and is laid off are they supposed to still go out and have fun knowing they have to find a job in 6 months?


If they want to go out with them, of course.

What is the alternative? Are they going to "have fun" not going out with anyone?

You are being very fatalistic. That you need to move in 3 months, or find a job in 6 months, or have a family issue today, or are experiencing a health issue... these things are a part of life. Yes, they are stressful. But they should not be show stoppers in your life. 

If you find that all your spare time is consumed worrying about what might happen, you may have an anxiety problem. (I speak from experience.) I would talk to you doctor about anti-depressants.

Because, what does knowing you have to find a job in 6 months have to do with whether or not you date someone? Especially if that person said they understand the money issue and would like to do things that are free? What are you going to do for 6 months? Put your entire life on hold? 

If the fact that you need to find a job in six months would consume every spare moment where you are not able to function socially, I really think something is not right. You should not have to live with this type of imminent doom mentality.


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> So if a person went on 3 dates with someone and is laid off are they supposed to still go out and have fun knowing they have to find a job in 6 months?


By the way, here is what I still don't understand about your original question - here you make it sound like the problem was that you could not possibly have fun so there was no point in you going out on dates.

So what did she say or do that you thought was selfish or that upset you?


----------



## alexm

threelittlestars said:


> So i just read the entire thread shaking my head time and time again.
> 
> First. WTF? "Netflix and chill", is like saying "Dinner and a movie!"
> 
> How does that warrant a report? Unless you don't understand the phrase of the millennials?


I just want to mention that it (apparently) wasn't actually reported. It was header's idea of a joke, that bombed. He/she was trying to mimic the thread starters indignance over certain responses, by "reporting" several replies in a row. Hilarious. I got the point, though, that header was mocking OP's responses to perfectly normal replies to his thread.

IMO, that was the only thing OP had any cause to be upset about in this post. The rest of the replies and advice are/were perfectly fine, and generally right on point. As usual on TAM, a few replies were a bit harsh, but they also spoke the truth - that there are other issues with OP that he isn't wrapping his head around. I was the recipient of similar responses when I first joined here. I suppose I expected everybody to commiserate with me, or something. Once I stopped being so thin-skinned, I started to actually listen to what people were saying to me, and I'm glad I did.

By the way, my "Netflix and Chill" comment was semi-serious. A joking tone, to be sure (and I'm not a millennial!) but after two dates, and somebody wants to see you again, despite there being no money to go out - well, duh. So you stay in.

I'm long out of the dating pool, but isn't the third date around the time a budding relationship is expected to progress? Not necessarily to THAT, but you know... The timing is at least in that neighbourhood, no?


----------



## FeministInPink

There are lots of cheap and stay-in type activities to do together. I'm a big fan of literal Netflix and Chill (although the other implication is an excellent use of time as well), you can cook together and try out new recipes, stuff like that. I love playing games, which you can't really do when you go out. When the weather warms up, you can start going on hikes and do outside stuff.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Naw, they weren't harsh. He was just getting the same treatment he uses with everyone in his multiple threads. The kid gloves are off and people are treating him like an adult. There's a point where you have to be blunt and direct, even with sarcasm usage, when someone refuses to get the point over and over again.


----------



## SMG15

WorkingWife said:


> If they want to go out with them, of course.
> 
> What is the alternative? Are they going to "have fun" not going out with anyone?
> 
> You are being very fatalistic. That you need to move in 3 months, or find a job in 6 months, or have a family issue today, or are experiencing a health issue... these things are a part of life. Yes, they are stressful. But they should not be show stoppers in your life.
> 
> If you find that all your spare time is consumed worrying about what might happen, you may have an anxiety problem. (I speak from experience.) I would talk to you doctor about anti-depressants.
> 
> Because, what does knowing you have to find a job in 6 months have to do with whether or not you date someone? Especially if that person said they understand the money issue and would like to do things that are free? What are you going to do for 6 months? Put your entire life on hold?
> 
> If the fact that you need to find a job in six months would consume every spare moment where you are not able to function socially, I really think something is not right. You should not have to live with this type of imminent doom mentality.




Wait a sec, if someone is trying to resolve a serious health issue they should not put dating on hold???????????????? LOL

Isn't it better to get that health issue fixed and then go out and celebrate instead being out on a date in pain???


----------



## SMG15

WorkingWife said:


> By the way, here is what I still don't understand about your original question - here you make it sound like the problem was that you could not possibly have fun so there was no point in you going out on dates.
> 
> So what did she say or do that you thought was selfish or that upset you?



She could have said "ok well call me when you are feeling better"


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Wait a sec, if someone is trying to resolve a serious health issue they should not put dating on hold???????????????? LOL
> 
> Isn't it better to get that health issue fixed and then go out and celebrate instead being out on a date in pain???


I guess it depends on how serious you are.

How would your view of this issue change if you were 5 months into a relationship with someone (or 1 year, 2 years, etc.) rather than 2 dates?


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> She could have said "ok well call me when you are feeling better"


I thought you told her you could not date her any more because of this letter. ???


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> I guess it depends on how serious you are.
> 
> How would your view of this issue change if you were 5 months into a relationship with someone (or 1 year, 2 years, etc.) rather than 2 dates?



Of course not 5 months, but 2 or 3 dates yes


----------



## SMG15

WorkingWife said:


> I thought you told her you could not date her any more because of this letter. ???


I was still open to friendship


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> Wait a sec, if someone is trying to resolve a serious health issue they should not put dating on hold???????????????? LOL
> 
> Isn't it better to get that health issue fixed and then go out and celebrate instead being out on a date in pain???


It depends what this "serious health issue" is. Does this health issue prevent you from working? Is it contagious? Is leaving your house and being around other human beings not possible?

If it's something serious, if would be fair for you to tell anyone you're dating so they can decide if they want to get further romantically involved with someone on death's doorstep. But if you're not contagious and you're still able to leave the house to work and whatnot, why would it prevent you from dating? 

Keep in mind that you listed it with several other "issues" - such as family problems and I forget what else. This creates the problem that it's _always something _with you. That you are _looking for reasons_ why nothing can work out in your life. You sound paralyzed by your own fears/fretting.

Here is what I am wondering, if you were a woman, would *you *want to date someone like _you_?


----------



## SMG15

WorkingWife said:


> It depends what this "serious health issue" is. Does this health issue prevent you from working? Is it contagious? Is leaving your house and being around other human beings not possible?
> 
> If it's something serious, if would be fair for you to tell anyone you're dating so they can decide if they want to get further romantically involved with someone on death's doorstep. But if you're not contagious and you're still able to leave the house to work and whatnot, why would it prevent you from dating?
> 
> Keep in mind that you listed it with several other "issues" - such as family problems and I forget what else. This creates the problem that it's _always something _with you. That you are _looking for reasons_ why nothing can work out in your life. You sound paralyzed by your own fears/fretting.
> 
> Here is what I am wondering, if you were a woman, would *you *want to date someone like _you_?




I just try to prevent from bringing a lot of drama into a new relationship


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I just try to prevent from bringing a lot of drama into a new relationship


Well, in a way that is wise, but I think you might need to re-evaluate what your definition of "drama" is. What you think of "drama" seems to be what most people think of just every day normal life occurrences. Do you agree?


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> Well, in a way that is wise, but I think you might need to re-evaluate what your definition of "drama" is. What you think of "drama" seems to be what most people think of just every day normal life occurrences. Do you agree?


Well fighting homelessness is definitely dramatic which is the first time for me.


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> I just try to prevent from bringing a lot of drama into a new relationship


That's fine, but are you sure you are not looking for reasons why things won't work out? Maybe fear of failure so you unconsciously find a reason to end things before the other person can reject you?


----------



## SMG15

WorkingWife said:


> That's fine, but are you sure you are not looking for reasons why things won't work out? Maybe fear of failure so you unconsciously find a reason to end things before the other person can reject you?


It has always been hard for me to go out and have fun when I had a crisis going on. I'm big on resolution before I go back out and enjoy life again.


----------



## Evinrude58

Just being honest here: you are the one bringing all the drama.
Avoiding homelessness? You've got 4 months....
You can't date? Why? You've got the time.
You make this big deal with your gf about not seeing her anymore because you have all these problems and then want her to be your friend for a while?
She's got friends, sir. She wanted a man. A man keeps a handle on his problems, not bringing excuses why he can't spend time with his girl. 
The main problem you have is your attitude that people should put up with your drama. They don't. 
If you accept that you're part of the problem, you might have a chance to fix it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SMG15

Evinrude58 said:


> Just being honest here: you are the one bringing all the drama.
> Avoiding homelessness? You've got 4 months....
> You can't date? Why? You've got the time.
> You make this big deal with your gf about not seeing her anymore because you have all these problems and then want her to be your friend for a while?
> She's got friends, sir. She wanted a man. A man keeps a handle on his problems, not bringing excuses why he can't spend time with his girl.
> The main problem you have is your attitude that people should put up with your drama. They don't.
> If you accept that you're part of the problem, you might have a chance to fix it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I need to SAVE MONEY!!!!


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I need to SAVE MONEY!!!!


AND SHE SUGGESTED LOOKING FOR FREE DATING OPTIONS!!!! Free = not. spending. money. YOU, SMG, are your biggest obstacle. YOU are the one who gets in your own way when it comes to dating. YOU are the one who brings excess drama, under the pretense of trying to AVOID drama. You take the tiniest issue and blow it up into the worst possible thing that could happen to you. Dude, you have FOUR MONTHS to search for a new apartment. You make it sound like you have to be out this weekend. You have to same money. Fine, save your money. But DO NOT put that on someone else. The woman you went out with was not wrong, she was not selfish, or whatever other contrived notion you may come up with. YOU were the problem here. She offered ways to keep seeing each other because, for some reason, she liked you enough to continue. You rebuffed her. You can dress it up however you like, but that's what you did. You rebuffed her, rejected her. This is on YOU, not her. 

Now, take responsibility for your own actions and GROW UP! You want to be a man? ACT LIKE ONE.


----------



## WorkingWife

SMG15 said:


> It has always been hard for me to go out and have fun when I had a crisis going on. I'm big on resolution before I go back out and enjoy life again.


Well, if you're okay with that, then you're okay with that. To answer your original question - no, she was not being selfish.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> AND SHE SUGGESTED LOOKING FOR FREE DATING OPTIONS!!!! Free = not. spending. money. YOU, SMG, are your biggest obstacle. YOU are the one who gets in your own way when it comes to dating. YOU are the one who brings excess drama, under the pretense of trying to AVOID drama. You take the tiniest issue and blow it up into the worst possible thing that could happen to you. Dude, you have FOUR MONTHS to search for a new apartment. You make it sound like you have to be out this weekend. You have to same money. Fine, save your money. But DO NOT put that on someone else. The woman you went out with was not wrong, she was not selfish, or whatever other contrived notion you may come up with. YOU were the problem here. She offered ways to keep seeing each other because, for some reason, she liked you enough to continue. You rebuffed her. You can dress it up however you like, but that's what you did. You rebuffed her, rejected her. This is on YOU, not her.
> 
> Now, take responsibility for your own actions and GROW UP! You want to be a man? ACT LIKE ONE.


I forgot a man is always supposed to be HAPPY no matter what is going on in his life


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I forgot a man is always supposed to be HAPPY no matter what is going on in his life


That isn't what I said at all. Go back and reread it.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

People react to unexpected life changes in a number of different ways.

Some people turtle and go antisocial until they wrap their head around the change, solve the problem and then they emerge again to return to society.

You sound like that type of person. Nothing wrong with it.

HOWEVER:

Not everyone handles a crisis the same way.

Some people continue with the rest of their daily life in otherwise normal ways, and work the problem out as they go along.

Some people compartmentalize the problem and go out MORE to help them avoid thinking about it.

Some people talk to everyone they know, and get more social in an attempt to brainstorm solutions for the problem.

The key is that if you are a turtler, you have to TELL your friends and contacts that this is the way you deal with things so they will understand your absence, and that it is temporary.

You also have to understand that while your way is right for YOU, it is not necessarily the same as everybody else. That is the part you seem unable to understand here.

If this girl is not a turtler herself, yes, she's going to feel rejected.



SMG15 said:


> So if a person went on 3 dates with someone and is laid off are they supposed to still go out and have fun knowing they have to find a job in 6 months?


 Some do, some don't.



SMG15 said:


> Wait a sec, if someone is trying to resolve a serious health issue they should not put dating on hold???????????????? LOL
> 
> Isn't it better to get that health issue fixed and then go out and celebrate instead being out on a date in pain???


 Some do, some don't.



SMG15 said:


> So if a person went on 3 dates with someone and is laid off are they supposed to still go out and have fun knowing they have to find a job in 6 months?


 Some do, some don't.



SMG15 said:


> It has always been hard for me to go out and have fun when I had a crisis going on. I'm big on resolution before I go back out and enjoy life again.


 Nothing is wrong with that. You just have to EXPLAIN it to people so they know it's you, not them.

This pattern of you being unable to understand that someone else might have a different way of thinking than you do is why people keep recommending you see a professional about possibly being on the autism spectrum.


----------



## Illbehisfoolagain

I am going to try something here. 

No you are right, she was being very selfish. All the women in your life have been really awful and horrible to you and have wronged you very much and for SURE do not know how to behave. You are very perfect and you respond perfectly to everything. Nothing you do is ever wrong and it for sure is everyone else. You absolutely should for sure just sit at home and stress and worry and have a bad time for the next 3 months and be super miserable about your impending homelessness! What other choice in life do you have? YOu cant like, go find a new place to live or anything that will be nearly impossible! Maybe some people on here can help find some places for you? Maybe your mom can help you? Just be sure to let her know she cant text or call you first thing in the morning. It has to be like after 3:47 in the afternoon, OK!


----------



## SMG15

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> I am going to try something here.
> 
> No you are right, she was being very selfish. All the women in your life have been really awful and horrible to you and have wronged you very much and for SURE do not know how to behave. You are very perfect and you respond perfectly to everything. Nothing you do is ever wrong and it for sure is everyone else. You absolutely should for sure just sit at home and stress and worry and have a bad time for the next 3 months and be super miserable about your impending homelessness! What other choice in life do you have? YOu cant like, go find a new place to live or anything that will be nearly impossible! Maybe some people on here can help find some places for you? Maybe your mom can help you? Just be sure to let her know she cant text or call you first thing in the morning. It has to be like after 3:47 in the afternoon, OK!


I see you don't understand anything


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I see you don't understand anything


Honestly, SMG? The more you post, the more it becomes apparent that you don't, either.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Honestly, SMG? The more you post, the more it becomes apparent that you don't, either.


Flirting with me again I see:wink2:


----------



## Maricha75

Ugh. Don't flatter yourself.


----------



## SMG15

agenda said:


> Reported.


Good Night:grin2::grin2:


----------



## Illbehisfoolagain

SMG15 said:


> I see you don't understand anything


I actually understand a lot. 

Since you don't seem to understand. I will make it VERY simple for you. 

The title to the thread is "Ladies If you went on 2 dates with a guy and was told this, would you feel rejected?" The answer is YES. YES anyone, woman or man, would feel rejected from that. 

And since you do not seem to understand, let me tell you that people do NOT like to be friends with someone who has rejected them. Most people do not stay friends with their exes that they have been with for years. So NO, no one would want to try to cultivate a friendship with someone who has just rejected them. Get it?


----------



## sumij

I don't believe she was being selfish. She could've interpreted your response as not being interested in her. We tend to judge others by how we would react. Maybe she wouldn't have been as shocked as you, so when you turned down her offer to do 'free types' of dates, it came across as a rejection. 

When these things happen, it's best to be completely honest. If you liked her in any way, but still felt you were reeling from the news of your place being sold, then it's best to say all of that. Then it's up to the person to try to communicate back, or react in whatever way they do.


----------



## Cooper

SMG15 do you realize you sabotage every possible chance you have for building relationships? I remember one of your earlier post where you locked your phone in the closet for three days so you wouldn't know if a woman tried to contact you or not. Now you have a woman who must have liked you but when faced with a little adversity in your life you retreat into SMG's bubble and lock her out. What kind of signal does that send the woman? Certainly NOT that you value her as a friend and partner, you told her she is a negative distraction in your life, that's the kind of thing that hurts peoples feelings. 

You can never have a healthy relationship if you don't learn to share your life, and want to share in the lives of others.


----------



## SMG15

Cooper said:


> SMG15 do you realize you sabotage every possible chance you have for building relationships? I remember one of your earlier post where you locked your phone in the closet for three days so you wouldn't know if a woman tried to contact you or not. Now you have a woman who must have liked you but when faced with a little adversity in your life you retreat into SMG's bubble and lock her out. What kind of signal does that send the woman? Certainly NOT that you value her as a friend and partner, you told her she is a negative distraction in your life, that's the kind of thing that hurts peoples feelings.
> 
> You can never have a healthy relationship if you don't learn to share your life, and want to share in the lives of others.



Well now I have a health issue so that's two things going on that forces me to put dating on hold. The health issue is affecting my mobility right now so I couldn't date if I wanted to


Hopefully by May I can be back on the scene


----------



## Livvie

I immediately thought of your cane prejudice when you reported this....


----------



## Livvie

Livvie said:


> I immediately thought of your cane prejudice when you reported this about your mobility issue....


----------



## Maricha75

Livvie said:


> I immediately thought of your cane prejudice when you reported this....


A foot of snow on the ground and I STILL walk to the bus stop with my kids every morning, then walk back... and walk to the bus stop every afternoon to get them off the bus, and we walk back... and I use my cane, too! I have anxiety about it, and it physically hurts, but I still do it because I need to.


----------



## RandomDude

SMG15 said:


> I met this girl off of POF and we went out twice and then all of a sudden in the beginning of the year I got hit with something unexpected
> 
> I was notified by mail that my building was sold and my lease would not be renewed. So I told her that I won't be able to date at this time because I had nothing saved up and I will never every dime between jan and april to save up for moving. So there would be no money for dating until I sign a new lease
> 
> She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date. Anyway she got mad and ended the conversation and sent a text wishing me the best.
> 
> 
> Was she being selfish?


No, she was just being human.

Yes you did reject her, but for good reason. You do not want to continue on and having her pay for everything, even with free events unless she drives over to your place there will still be a cost, and no meals are free, unless you want to take her to a place with a free meal ticket lol

Not to mention you will be undergoing enough stress and having only started dating you do not want that to be the impression you give a future spouse

So I would say, you did good


----------



## SMG15

RandomDude said:


> No, she was just being human.
> 
> Yes you did reject her, but for good reason. You do not want to continue on and having her pay for everything, even with free events unless she drives over to your place there will still be a cost, and no meals are free, unless you want to take her to a place with a free meal ticket lol
> 
> Not to mention you will be undergoing enough stress and having only started dating you do not want that to be the impression you give a future spouse
> 
> So I would say, you did good



Lots of women on here refuse to understand that


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Lots of women on here refuse to understand that


Wrong. What we are doing is looking at your consistent behavior and basing our responses on that. And, many of us have been in the "lack of funds" position and managed just fine in the dating world. What we do understand is that you find it satisfying to have made it to a second date with some of these women. That's fine, but somehow, you manage to screw that up. Like this lady, for instance. Rather than explain things to her, you shot her down. Then came here, expecting... what? Expecting everyone to say she was wrong? After we have followed your track record? Really? You could just as easily said you could check them out, but no guarantees because of potential travel cost, etc. 

RD, you mentioned something about eating, if I remember correctly. You do realize that SMG could eat at his place, the woman could eat at her place, and they meet at the venue for the free activity, right? The bottom line here is mist of us don't think SMG was really know this woman anyway. That's fine, but it's ridiculous for him to suggest that she did something wrong because of how she responded.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Wrong. What we are doing is looking at your consistent behavior and basing our responses on that. And, many of us have been in the "lack of funds" position and managed just fine in the dating world. What we do understand is that you find it satisfying to have made it to a second date with some of these women. That's fine, but somehow, you manage to screw that up. Like this lady, for instance. Rather than explain things to her, you shot her down. Then came here, expecting... what? Expecting everyone to say she was wrong? After we have followed your track record? Really? You could just as easily said you could check them out, but no guarantees because of potential travel cost, etc.
> 
> RD, you mentioned something about eating, if I remember correctly. You do realize that SMG could eat at his place, the woman could eat at her place, and they meet at the venue for the free activity, right? The bottom line here is mist of us don't think SMG was really know this woman anyway. That's fine, but it's ridiculous for him to suggest that she did something wrong because of how she responded.


Let's flip it around a little bit. If I received a call from a woman saying she just lost her job or have to move out her apt I would just try to be supportive. I wouldn't suggest still going out at that moment because I know when situations are new it has to get out of your system. So I would have fell back and let her deal with her issues and stayed in contact to see how she was doing.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Let's flip it around a little bit. If I received a call from a woman saying she just lost her job or have to move out her apt I would just try to be supportive. I wouldn't suggest still going out at that moment because I know when situations are new it has to get out of your system. So I would have fell back and let her deal with her issues and stayed in contact to see how she was doing.


Why? I guarantee I would respond by thinking the guy was not interested. You know, lost my job, lost my home, so this guy doesn't even want to bother because NOW I feel like a loser. If, however, he suggested ideas to take my mind off my woes, even if they cost either of of nothing out if pocket to do, I would see it as affirmation that he I should TRYING to make me feel better. Much better than making up excuses nit to go out, at all.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Why? I guarantee I would respond by thinking the guy was not interested. You know, lost my job, lost my home, so this guy doesn't even want to bother because NOW I feel like a loser. If, however, he suggested ideas to take my mind off my woes, even if they cost either of of nothing out if pocket to do, I would see it as affirmation that he I should TRYING to make me feel better. Much better than making up excuses nit to go out, at all.


You don't go out to have FUN until you resolve the issue you are dealing with. Understand what I am trying to explain to you?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> You don't go out to have FUN until you resolve the issue you are dealing with. Understand what I am trying to explain to you?


YOU don't go out to have fun until YOU resolve YOUR issues. Not everyone thinks that way. Most of the people here have tried to tell you that exact thing. YOU are the one with the comprehension problem here.


----------



## turnera

I would think you'd go out to have fun BECAUSE of the situation you're in.

What are you gonna be doing? Making 750 calls a day to secure money? Logging onto 2000 websites a day to try to find a new place or roommates? Fixing your home situation isn't going to - shouldn't - take up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for three straight months. Typical people don't do that; they fit in solving their problem with the rest of the living they're doing. 

Unless you are simply mentally incapable of thinking of more than one thing until it's resolved? And if that's the case, you should let potential dates know so. You didn't say that. You just said 'I gotta move out soon.' What's she supposed to think? Probably, oh yeah, I've been through that myself; what's the big deal?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> I would think you'd go out to have fun BECAUSE of the situation you're in.
> 
> What are you gonna be doing? Making 750 calls a day to secure money? Logging onto 2000 websites a day to try to find a new place or roommates? Fixing your home situation isn't going to - shouldn't - take up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for three straight months. Typical people don't do that; they fit in solving their problem with the rest of the living they're doing.
> 
> Unless you are simply mentally incapable of thinking of more than one thing until it's resolved? And if that's the case, you should let potential dates know so. You didn't say that. You just said 'I gotta move out soon.' What's she supposed to think? Probably, oh yeah, I've been through that myself; what's the big deal?




The big deal is saving up the money for 3 months rent when you have no savings at all. Now do you understand what I am trying to explain to you???


----------



## turnera

Nope. SHE OFFERED FREE DATES. 

You rejected that offer.

That means it wasn't the money issue.

The ONLY way that could be true is if you're now working 3 or 4 jobs, 100 hours a week, to save up that money, and thus have no TIME to see anyone.

Are you?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> Nope. SHE OFFERED FREE DATES.
> 
> You rejected that offer.
> 
> That means it wasn't the money issue.
> 
> The ONLY way that could be true is if you're now working 3 or 4 jobs, 100 hours a week, to save up that money, and thus have no TIME to see anyone.
> 
> Are you?



Go on free dates from now to June? And no I have one job mon to fri and would be open to a weekend job


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Go on free dates from now to June? And no I have one job mon to fri and would be open to a weekend job


Absolutely go on free dates from now until June. Why not? And, nothing says you MUST go out every night, or even every week. You could go a couple times each month. Just have a little fun to take your mind off your worries.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Absolutely go on free dates from now until June. Why not? And, nothing says you MUST go out every night, or even every week. You could go a couple times each month. Just have a little fun to take your mind off your worries.


The only thing that takes my mind off my worries is Fetish activity and I don't think she was into that


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> The big deal is saving up the money for 3 months rent when you have no savings at all. Now do you understand what I am trying to explain to you???


Not really. But then, I managed to move myself, my husband, three kids, and a dog, over 1000 miles away, with less than a month to figure it all out. It can be done... without panicking and stressing out... and you can certainly have fun, too.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> The only thing that takes my mind off my worries is Fetish activity and I don't think she was into that


 I am pretty sure you could have come up with something better than that, rather than make an excuse to no longer date her. I think we got to the real reason here... she didn't seem to be into your fetish so you didn't want to continue... and gave the "let's be friends" suggestion to get her to go away.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Not really. But then, I managed to move myself, my husband, three kids, and a dog, over 1000 miles away, with less than a month to figure it all out. It can be done... without panicking and stressing out... and you can certainly have fun, too.


If I can get the security deposit back then I will be to date again so I will found next week. That would be a big help


----------



## 225985

SMG15 said:


> She said we could still a lot of free events which could have been true but I needed to let the initial shock wear off first because thinking about going on a date. Anyway she got mad and ended the conversation and sent a text wishing me the best.
> 
> 
> Was she being selfish?


I skipped the middle 150 posts.
@SMG15, you had a girl/woman VERY interested in you and you blew her off. Heck, you had perfect excuse to go to her apt or yours (at least for 4 months). And even after you blew her off, she gave you options to stick with her.  Can't get any better than that for a guy in the early dating. 

You start a lot of threads and post / reply extremely often. If that makes you happy, good for you. If you want to date, put in the effort and date and enjoy it.

BTW, thanks for this post and good idea. Next time I am single and dating I will tell the woman I have no money so that we can skip eating out and just go back to my place (for home cooked meal and Netflix of course >)


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> If I can get the security deposit back then I will be to date again so I will found next week. That would be a big help


Getting the security deposit back will definitely be a big help, but it shouldn't affect your ability to go to free venues.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Getting the security deposit back will definitely be a big help, but it shouldn't affect your ability to go to free venues.


If I can get the security deposit back and resolve this health issue with my leg I may just fly to michigan to take you on date:laugh:


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> If I can get the security deposit back and resolve this health issue with my leg I may just fly to michigan to take you on date:laugh:


Not funny. Very inappropriate for you to even joke about taking a married woman on a date. In fact, it borders on creepy.

What did you say happened to your leg? Pulled a muscle stepping over something on the bus?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Not funny. Very inappropriate for you to even joke about taking a married woman on a date. In fact, it borders on creepy.
> 
> What did you say happened to your leg? Pulled a muscle stepping over something on the bus?



Skin infection I am taking antibiotics for


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Skin infection I am taking antibiotics for


Hope it clears up soon. My dad had a skin infection, took antibiotics, and still ended up in the hospital. Hopefully, that doesn't happen to you.


----------



## 225985

turnera said:


> What are you gonna be doing? *Making 750 calls a day to secure money? Logging onto 2000 websites a day to try to find a new place or roommates? *Fixing your home situation isn't going to - shouldn't - take up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for three straight months. Typical people don't do that; they fit in solving their problem with the rest of the living they're doing.


No time for that when he is posting on TAM 750 times a day. 

OP actually likes the drama and attention he is getting here. Real life cannot compete. 

Looks like the lady fish that was the reason behind this thread avoided the hook and was able to swim to freedom. Although she swam away pi&&ed because she did not understand why the hook did not want her.


----------



## RandomDude

SMG15 said:


> Lots of women on here refuse to understand that


I hate to say it but:










As much as the women here can claim they will understand and support such a men, it's also highly likely in a few months time, or a few weeks time, they will get sick of supporting the man, and complain that "he doesn't have a job", "he's being lazy", "lost respect for him" etc etc.

Sure, some women wouldn't mind, I am willing to give the women here the benefit of the doubt that THEY would understand a man in financial distress - but most wouldn't. It's evolutionary. A man who can't support himself loses respect, and trust/respect are things you do not will or ask for - it's things you earn. 

You have your pride as a man, and you did the right thing in my opinion.


----------



## Maricha75

RD, no one is saying he was wrong to stop dating her. What we are saying is the BS excuses he gave were wrong. He didn't want to continue dating her, fine. But at least have the decency to be straightforward about it, rather than the lame @$$ excuse that he has to move in 4 months (now, 3). 

It isn't a trap. He said he got a notice that the building us being sold and he has to find a new apartment. Most women WOULD understand that. In fact, it seems THIS lady DID. And he blew her off. Sorry, but MOST of the women I know WOULD be supportive and understanding of his predicament... which is why this woman suggested finding free options. 

But, you are absolutely correct. He did the right thing... He ensured she dodged that bullet.


----------



## RandomDude

What it comes down to is that he doesn't feel ready and he was right to let her go. Breakups are never pretty, perhaps he could have handled it better sure, but what he did; ending things so he can focus on himself first - was sound IMO.


----------



## Maricha75

RandomDude said:


> What it comes down to is that he doesn't feel ready and he was right to let her go. Breakups are never pretty, perhaps he could have handled it better sure, but what he did; ending things so he can focus on himself first - was sound IMO.


Honestly, RD? With his attitude, he will never be ready. There will always be something in the way... more than likely, the one thing in his way will be himself. And you can't really call this a break up. They only went on two dates. Yes, he did the right thing by letting her go. Like I said, she dodged a bullet. But then he came here, asking if we, collectively, thought she was selfish because she was interested enough in him to want to date, even if it cost no money. And when he rebuffed her, she told him to have a nice life. 

He started posting here, I think, last spring or summer? There has been no growth since then. He still has the "I'm alright, the world is all wrong" view... and we're calling him on his BS. That's it.


----------



## RandomDude

And those are issues he can now resolve on his own, without dragging an innocent lady friend into the drama. I don't really care about a poster's back history or what not, I see the OP as it is, and responded according to his specific circumstance.


----------



## Maricha75

RandomDude said:


> And those are issues he can now resolve on his own, without dragging an innocent lady friend into the drama. I don't really care about a poster's back history or what not, I see the OP as it is, and responded according to his specific circumstance.


That's the problem, though. You are only taking one post at face value. He is following the same pattern from the start... which is why those of us calling him on the BS behavior are doing so. He isn't learning. He isn't working on his issues. He is creating more drama... because he loves it. If he would actually do something to resolve his issues, we would probably cut him some slack. But, he's not. And now, he has you defending his atrocious behavior.


----------



## RandomDude

Instead of dragging her along he let an innocent lady go find someone else while he focuses on himself -> I can't call that atrocious behavior

I don't really have the time or interest to dig up all these other claims about the OP but I can't argue with his decision to stop dating this lady because he doesn't feel ready. All other discussions in regards to his other behaviors probably belong in his other threads.


----------



## Maricha75

Like. I. Said. She. Dodged. A. Bullet.

As far as whether the discussions staying in his other threads... You don't have time nor interest in checking his other threads, that's fine. However, they are relevant to the pattern of his behavior. Behavior for which he has done nothing to address. So, no, I don't agree that discussing it belongs solely in those other threads. He has been given suggestions for growth in each thread (including going to a therapist)... and he ignores it, because he thinks he's doing alright because... he "regularly gets to two dates with women". 

He WON'T truly focus on himself (any more than he already does, that is)... because he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior toward anyone.


----------



## 225985

I cannot believe this thread has more than 200 posts (ok, I am guilty of 3 of them).

His initial question in this thread concerned the actions of the lady. Did she have a right to be mad? He did not ask if HE did something wrong. OP is not looking for personal growth. He just wants to chat endlessly. 44 threads started. He likes the posting and replies. If he does this instead of real life interactions and he is happy, great for him. No point in trying to get him to change. He does not want to, nor does he need to if there is no problem. 

He can save a lot of time on the dating process through this site. Once he finishes date #2 with a new lady, he should point her to his posts on TAM. She can read and decide if there is to be a date #3. If she says yes, then he found a really compatible partner.


----------



## SMG15

well surprise surprise, guess who sent me a text?


The girl who didn't want to talk anymore. She asked how I was and I said nothing has changed, still can't date until May

So looks like we will stay in contact until then


----------



## Evinrude58

SMG15 said:


> well surprise surprise, guess who sent me a text?
> 
> 
> The girl who didn't want to talk anymore. She asked how I was and I said nothing has changed, still can't date until May
> 
> So looks like we will stay in contact until then


And after all this, you still said nothing had changed??? Lol, you are a piece of work smg. There's no chance this lady is going to wait around until may. If she does, I'll be shocked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SMG15

Evinrude58 said:


> And after all this, you still said nothing had changed??? Lol, you are a piece of work smg. There's no chance this lady is going to wait around until may. If she does, I'll be shocked.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Well if she wants some of this she will have to wait until may


----------



## Evinrude58

Lmao, I'm sure it will be worth her wait.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vega

SMG15 said:


> Well if she wants some of this she will have to wait until may


Uhh...what makes you think that she's gonna "wait" for you?

For all you know, she could meet Mr. Right _tomorrow._..or in a week...or in two months...

For HER sake, I hope she does...


----------



## Maricha75

Vega said:


> Uhh...what makes you think that she's gonna "wait" for you?
> 
> For all you know, she could meet Mr. Right _tomorrow._..or in a week...or in two months...
> 
> For HER sake, I hope she does...


If some guy said that to me, I wouldn't wait. Not after only two dates. I would, possibly, call or text to see how he was doing after the "freak out", but that's it. And sounds like that's what this woman did, too. Fulfilled her personal obligation to be sure he's ok, before she goes out with another guy.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> well surprise surprise, guess who sent me a text?
> 
> 
> The girl who didn't want to talk anymore. She asked how I was and I said nothing has changed, still can't date until May
> 
> So looks like we will stay in contact until then


Did she say anything AFTER you responded as you did above? If so, what was her response? I find it curious you didn't put that in your "update".


----------



## SMG15

She is going to call me tonight and I will remind her that I will be able to go out in may 

If my leg gets better it maybe April 

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


----------



## BetrayedDad

SMG15 said:


> well surprise surprise, guess who sent me a text?
> 
> 
> The girl who didn't want to talk anymore. She asked how I was and I said nothing has changed, still can't date until May


Speechless.

You've got balls, I'll give you that much.


----------



## SMG15

Why you say I got balls 

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


----------



## BetrayedDad

SMG15 said:


> Why you say I got balls


You were all upset this girl text dumped you because you wouldn't hang out with her.

Then she reaches out to you, basically you got another chance, and you still refuse to hang out.

Even though she offered free dates AND to boot you expect her to wait around for you till May.

She's obviously likes you ALOT to put up with this. My guess is your utter disinterest is ATTRACTING her.

You're not chasing her like other cats. It's PUA-esk. Like you demonstrate value to her by being so "mysterious". 

She's probably thinking, "No sane person would act like this, he must be beating girls away with a stick. I must have him!"

As stupid as all that sounds, believe or not it works on some women. They need be challenged and feel like they won a prize.


----------



## SMG15

I probably would have went out with her this weekend if my leg wasn't bothering me 

Because the apartment search is over and I signed a new lease last night 

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


----------



## BetrayedDad

SMG15 said:


> I probably would have went out with her this weekend if my leg wasn't bothering me
> 
> Because the apartment search is over and I signed a new lease last night
> 
> Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


Pop some extra strength Tylenol and invite her out.

Stop making excuses if you're into her. She's not gonna wait around.


----------



## SMG15

I'm in the process of treating the leg. I want it to be rested before i go back out

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I'm in the process of treating the leg. I want it to be rested before i go back out
> 
> Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


The skin infection? Did it reach any deep tissue? Fever? How long have you been on antibiotics for it? I recall something about you not wanting to go to the doctor on President's day because it was a holiday, so you rescheduled. Still, of you got in the next day, that's two weeks ago. Usually antibiotics are 10-14 days. And after a week of treatment, you are usually find anyway. So, I guess I am wondering about this excuse, now.


----------



## SMG15

Today is my 5th day 

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


----------



## BetrayedDad

SMG15 said:


> Today is my 5th day


Then at least set up a date for next weekend. It'll have been two weeks by then and your leg will be better.

At least having the date set will reassure her since she's gone out on a limb to express interest to you.


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## Evinrude58

So Betrayed Dad, you are encouraging this woman to go out with a man that frequents "escort services", or compares an escort service as an alternative for a cheaper date?

My thoughts are that this woman is incredibly desperate. She is waiting for a date from SMG for weeks? 

He is obviously not into her that much, because he's checking out emails from other women. If he really wanted to go out with her that much, he'd be going.
He just is annoyed that she wasn't far more intent on begging him for another date and making him feel like she "wants some of this".....

I'm out, this is just too much for me.


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## SMG15

Evinrude58 said:


> So Betrayed Dad, you are encouraging this woman to go out with a man that frequents "escort services", or compares an escort service as an alternative for a cheaper date?
> 
> My thoughts are that this woman is incredibly desperate. She is waiting for a date from SMG for weeks?
> 
> He is obviously not into her that much, because he's checking out emails from other women. If he really wanted to go out with her that much, he'd be going.
> He just is annoyed that she wasn't far more intent on begging him for another date and making him feel like she "wants some of this".....
> 
> I'm out, this is just too much for me.


It means I'm the hottest thing on the market 

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


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## SMG15

BetrayedDad said:


> Then at least set up a date for next weekend. It'll have been two weeks by then and your leg will be better.
> 
> At least having the date set will reassure her since she's gone out on a limb to express interest to you.


Only if I feel improvement by Thursday or friday

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


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## TheCuriousWife

Your reasoning sounds so ridiculous. I just don't understand it at all.

Something pops up in your life and you have to drop everything, and you're not allowed to have FREE fun or talk to anyone anymore? 

What are you supposed to do? Just stay at home and mope around? It's not like you are working 24/7 to save money for your move. You have plenty of time to be with this girl. 

That would be very depressing to have to stay home and mope every time a life event happens...

I live with a chronic, painful disease every single day and it doesn't prevent me from doing anything my heart desires. One sickness, one move, one layoff, etc, does not define you, or your entire life. 

Stop letting life get in the way.


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## SMG15

I can only enjoy life if I'm pain free

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> It means I'm the hottest thing on the market
> 
> Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


Damn... Slim picking in PA?


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I can only enjoy life if I'm pain free
> 
> Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk


Oh... so you don't enjoy much, eh? Life I should what you make of it.

SMG, my daughter's class is planning a trip to Mackinaw in a few months. It us something that 4th grade classes do every year. My oldest went 4 years ago, my youngest will be going in 2 years. I often have days when it hurts to walk to the kids' bus stop, which is maybe a few blocks away. But, my daughter wants me to go with her. I don't care how much pain I am in. I will enjoy that trip because my daughter wants me there. I will take the maximum dosage of Tylenol (because I can't take NSAIDS) and suck it up and enjoy this trip with my daughter. Why? Because it is important to HER. Because I will put HER first. I refuse to focus on my pain. It only brings those around me down. 

Do you get my drift? You are egocentric. You focus on yourself, ignoring the feelings of those around you. 

Suck it up. Take some Tylenol (1300mg is acceptable every 8 hours, btw... that's the dose I take in bad days.), and go have fun. Oh, and put others' feelings ahead of your own for a change.


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## BetrayedDad

Evinrude58 said:


> So Betrayed Dad, you are encouraging this woman to go out with a man that frequents "escort services", or compares an escort service as an alternative for a cheaper date?
> 
> My thoughts are that this woman is incredibly desperate. She is waiting for a date from SMG for weeks?


I promise you if she was the one posting I'd be telling her to run for the hills. Unfortunately, he's the one asking for advice.


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## cons

BetrayedDad said:


> I promise you if she was the one posting I'd be telling her to run for the hills. Unfortunately, he's the one asking for advice.


TBH- I don't think he came for help at all....just some narcissistic supply, perhaps...


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