# Still separated. Needing advice.



## mikeandberg (Oct 3, 2008)

Okay, My name is Mike and I posted a thread about a month ago. I'm still separated from my wife and we've talked a few times. we've made arrangements to spend time trading our kids off. She left a little over a month ago and has moved into an apartment with her ex-boss, who is a woman. She had been spending the night with this woman before she left me. I still love my wife and I tell her this every time we talk. I tell her that I hope we can soon be a family again and that I'm okay with what she is doing, that I can give her space, but more than anything I love her and I want to be with her and my children. I'm not a bad person, I've never hit her, never cheated on her, never abused her in anyway. I wondered if maybe she was having an affair since she left. When I went to drop the kids off to her, I noticed her cellphone was unattended. I decided to check and see if she had saved any of the texts I have sent to her. I found tons of text messages from the woman she is living with. They all said things like "I love you" "I'm so glad we're together" "I can't wait to hold you again" "I love you so much"... It has become clear that my wife is having an affair with another woman, But... for some reason I can't rationalize, I'm still so in love with her. I feel hopeless... Because I know in my heart that my love is unconditional... What do I do? Can I get my wife back? please help.


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Wow - a lot for you to take. If this is a situtation where she is a lesiban it might not have been anything you did, or anything you can do to recover - you just don't have the right equipment.
I would suggest having a heart to heart about what the future holds. If she has no desire to ever try to reconcile (for whatever reason) you deserve to know that so you can work on picking up the pieces and moving on. I know that is hard to imagine, but you can only control yourself. Having unenforcable expectations of your wife will just make you go insane.
Good luck!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Love is a two way street, and she has to want you too, otherwise thee is nothing you can do to get her back. Affairs hurt, I undrstand. Has she ever told you why she left?

draconis


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## mikeandberg (Oct 3, 2008)

Well one day she came home and just said that she wasn't happy with our life together anymore. She told me that she loves me, but she isn't "in" love with me. We had a dinner a few weeks after and she told me that for now, she's made up her mind, and she's not going to be with someone who doesn't make her happy. I told her that the whole thing changed me and that I am certainly different now. Sometimes she gets a little nasty with me, but I'm not sure why. A marriage counselor told me that it was out of guilt, that she likely feels guilty for what she's done, and its easier to get mad or blame me than take that guilt. I don't know, the affair doesn't really matter that much to me, I love my wife and I want her back. I told her we can start small, lets be buds like we used to be, and she said she's not sure that she's ready for it. I don't know, if you have any advice, please share it.


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