# Help getting my wife to open up



## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

OK My wife and I have just went through almost splitting up. This was at the end of October and and I have really started looking at my behavior and changing it. It's actually not that hard once you are aware of it. We are going to our second counseling session this week. Our sex life has been abysmal. It was to the point that it was get on and if you are not done quickly what was wrong. In doing some research as to the reasons that my wife would not be interested in sex I made a paragraph of items I thought might be accurate to what was going on with her. For example that maybe she had never had an orgasm, that she had some belief that sex was wrong, stuff like that. After our first counseling session she said on the way home that she wanted to be more sexual and that she knew it was important to me but it wasn't important to her. That night before returning to work I emailed her this list of stuff and that I wanted to work with her to get our sex life on track. She replied that she had had an orgasm, but was unable to achieve this every time she masturbated and that she had never had one with a man. Also that she thought sex was dirty and that she should not enjoy it. I love giving oral sex, probably my favorite thing in the world to do. How can you feel closer to the woman you love than burying you face in her crotch. In the last probably 2 years I was allowed to so this once and it was because she was so drunk she doesn't remember. My question to the women out there is what the hell do I do now? I bought some massage oil thinking that might be a way for her to get used to being naked and being touched by me but she has no interest. She says that she wants to work on it but apparently working on it means doing nothing. So I am going about a week or so before I ask what is going on and where we are at and it seems she wants to just stay in a holding pattern. Tonight she walked by me in the hallway and she grabbed my crotch, but it never means she wants to do anything. For the last few weeks her excuse was that "we almost split up" to which i finally replied with "but we didn't and we need to move on from there" so now its that she is not comfortable with her body. If she wanted to do something about it wouldn't she do something? Instead she just ignores it like the years before. Is it wrong for me to tell her that she needs to start thinking about how we can start dealing with this? Can we deal with this with a marriage counselor or will it have to be a sex therapist? As much as I love her I am sick of her doing nothing and expecting things to change. How do I get her to start working on this? I am asking her what is going on? I get no answer. She doesn't know. It will take months of sessions at the rate it is going. I'm I wrong in thinking that we should get the hella going? And the waiting around for weeks on end for nothing to happen and no attempt to do something about it is driving me nuts. Is it OK for me to do the research and come up with a plan of attack? That is what I wish she would do but she isn't doing anything about anything. She thinks we should be working on our marriage for an hour a week while we are at counseling. Help!


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Why not discuss this at marriage counseling?

Lay it out on the table. The marriage counselor will put the question to your wife, who will probably say "I'll work on it".

You respond that was what she said before and the marriage counselor, NOT YOU, will push your wife for a better explanation.

In my marriage counseling, after years of sexual drought, I told my wife that an intimate, fulfilling sexual relationship was necessary to keep the marriage together. f that wasn't there, the marriage couldn't survive. The MC agreed and my wife changed for the better.


----------



## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

How much did your wife change? This is what bothers me she keeps saying she wants to do something about it yet her actions say she doesn't want to do anything about it.:scratchhead: I feel that if this was taken care of-if we both were happy with our sex life-that this would take care of most of the problems that I have with our marriage. Its like when this is out of wack it throws everything else off-kilter.


----------



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I would definitely agree that you need to talk about this with your wife in counseling. A good counselor will help you really explain what you are wanting, help her to really hear it and also understand what her issues may be.

Something I also discovered was missing from my marriage and our sex life is all of the things leading up to sex. Those things are important for a woman. You can't expect a woman to go to work, clean the house, take care of the kids and then all of a sudden be "in the mood" at the end of the day. Do you flirt with her? Show affection? Kiss her, touch her? Tell her how beautiful she is? Send her suggestive text messages or something like that? You may be doing this already but my suggestion would be to focus on building her up throughout the day and you might get a better response when it's "that" time.


----------

