# Serious concerns over this site.



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Where do I start? This is aimed at some, not most of the people on this site.

I have been lurking here for a while, hoping to find some useful advice about some petty marraige issues I have, and while the social spots and fun threads have been entertaining I dont think I have ever been so disgusted at the "advice" offered by some, and the "instructions" given by others at what should be done, or how a person should react at the suspicion or the discovery of an affair..emotional, or physical.Or even just marital problems in general! Do you people not realise that people are completley individual? and that YOUR experience of things have nothing to do with how they should proceed in their marriage?!

More than a couple of times I have seen threads describing a situation, to then watch people reply telling the OP exactley what his/her spouse is up to and how they should proceed. "what a piece you married!" "Divorce her/him, they are playing you like a puppet" "get a VAR..GPS..KEYLOGGER..EXPOSE HIM/HER to their spouse/workplace/parents/petsitter" Who do you people think you are! 
An exposure letter template, "the complate 180" ( which I must add, is awful..to have someone follow a list found on a site instead of their heart is just shocking) 

The worst thing ive seen on more than a few threads, is people actually following advice given by people that have clearly been betrayed and are very bitter.. People having EA's have been pushed into a physical affair..and the OP has had his marriage blown to bits infront of him/her.All because some bitter people on an internet forum have stuck their nose in a little bit TOOO far.Things that have been said by people who dont know the whole situation have had REAL consequences on peoples lives.Who is anyone to comment on one side of the story?! thats insane! 


To those who seem to think they are experts, your are not. You have experience in a situation, you have NO RIGHT to tell someone what to do. A support forum is just that, to support and comfort those when they need it.To try and dictate how someone should act/proceed when they are in a vulnerable place in life is disgusting, self important and a clear indicator that someone has to much time on their hands..so get a life.

Just to clarify, Im married, have been cheated on a few times in the past by ex's and i managed very well without a site like this believe it or not!) and im not a cheater. im posting this out of simple disgust and not out of bitterness of any kind.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Okay. Thanks for the input.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> To try and dictate how someone should act/proceed when they are in a vulnerable place in life is disgusting, self important and a clear indicator that someone has to much time on their hands..so get a life.


Everyone has an opinion and your right..nobody on here is an expert.Nobody is right but its their opinion.

When a person posts they have to and should expect to weed through the advice.Some advice will be great,some will suck but its a public forum and thats the way it is,nothing will change that.

I feel quite honestly your post is doing the same thing....telling everyone on here how they should act and what to do and is a clear indicator you have far too much time on your hands or your trolling..just sayin.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Every message board has its own ethos and personality. If you don't like this one, you are free to continue searching.


----------



## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Wow, nobody is making anyone do anything here lol it's all opinions and sharing experiences, yes all cases are different and what works for one person might not work for another. I just wonder what your real reason for hating this site is...do you know someone that got advice here and don't like the advice they got..no one is made or forced to do anything.. It's just people supporting eachother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

OP the advice given isn't being forced upon people and it is up to an individual to decide if they wish to follow any advice given or not. I've seen many of said advice givers state that it's hard for them to offer any constructive advice based on one side of the story and I've seen many ask what the other spouse would say if he/she were to come on this board to rant, seek out help, ect. If any advice is taken by a person seeking some.. then it is by that own persons will. They are not being forced to do any of what people suggest. Many on here do state this is what they would do and then they leave the option up to the poster on whether or not he/she wishes to listen and act upon it or not.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Come back when you find out that your spouse has been fooking around on you. Maybe your tune will change. Why the hell are you on an infidelity site when all you have are petty marital issues?

YOU DISGUST ME WITH YOUR HOLIER THAN THOU ATTITUDE.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CantSitStill said:


> Wow, nobody is making anyone do anything here lol it's all opinions and sharing experiences, yes all cases are different and what works for one person might not work for another. I just wonder what your real reason for hating this site is...do you know someone that got advice here and don't like the advice they got..no one is made or forced to do anything.. It's just people supporting eachother.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly! More often than not, the older/regulars post to WAIT on things because they have btdt. They SUGGEST waiting if there is suspicion because MOST of the time, immediate confrontation leads to hiding better...which in turn destroys the relationship. Sometimes, when waiting, the relationship can be salvaged because the proof has been gathered, and the OS can't refute it. Then, the decision is made. But no one has EVER said "you HAVE to do this". Everyone has a choice. Some choose to wait. Some choose to run headlong in. But the point is, no one has to follow any advice put out there... But they DO post, usually knowing what will be suggested...


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Myownperson said:


> Where do I start? This is aimed at some, not most of the people on this site.
> 
> I have been lurking here for a while, hoping to find some useful advice about some petty marraige issues I have, and while the social spots and fun threads have been entertaining I dont think I have ever been so disgusted at the "advice" offered by some, and the "instructions" given by others at what should be done, or how a person should react at the suspicion or the discovery of an affair..emotional, or physical.Or even just marital problems in general! Do you people not realise that people are completley individual? and that YOUR experience of things have nothing to do with how they should proceed in their marriage?!
> 
> ...


I think you might find a lot of people who say thanks for opening my eyes also.


----------



## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

You have every right to your opinion. 

I have every right to think you are completely wrong.

Opinions and a$$holes are two things we share


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Myownperson said:


> Where do I start? This is aimed at some, not most of the people on this site.
> 
> I have been lurking here for a while, hoping to find some useful advice about some petty marraige issues I have, and while the social spots and fun threads have been entertaining I dont think I have ever been so disgusted at the "advice" offered by some, and the "instructions" given by others at what should be done, or how a person should react at the suspicion or the discovery of an affair..emotional, or physical.Or even just marital problems in general! Do you people not realise that people are completley individual? and that YOUR experience of things have nothing to do with how they should proceed in their marriage?!
> 
> ...


Combative, self importance is definitely your strong suite.

100% non useful to me.

Troll-like post.

Good luck.


----------



## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Trollin, Trollin, Trollin on a river


Ok, so here is what you should do Myownperson, get a Var, Divorce your wife, take said Var and sh.....


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Okay. Thanks for the input.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Everyone has an opinion and any person can make their own choice to agree with that opinion or not

Thus I will ignore yours


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Where do I start? This is aimed at some, not most of the people on this site.
> 
> I have been lurking here for a while, hoping to find some useful advice about some petty marraige issues I have, and while the social spots and fun threads have been entertaining I dont think I have ever been so disgusted at the "advice" offered by some, and the "instructions" given by others at what should be done, or how a person should react at the suspicion or the discovery of an affair..emotional, or physical.Or even just marital problems in general! Do you people not realise that people are completley individual? and that YOUR experience of things have nothing to do with how they should proceed in their marriage?!
> 
> ...


To learn from ones mistakes is smart. To learn form others mistakes even smarter.

I am sorry you were cheated on a few times. I actually think it best to help folks cope with cheating and not fall into repeating the same situation. That is why you see so much effort placed on working on oneself. On people gaining back their self respect. People can fall into a string of failed relationships as you have. There are no garantees but I do think TAM helps folks cope with the situation and to improve themselves and to help them develop boundaries that may help enable them in their current relationship or the next if need be.

But for sure it is a salad bar of opinions. You must choose wisely. As they say the bird is in your hands.

Good luck.


----------



## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

We are not all here just to give people cyberhugs and tell them everything will be ok. If you don't think this stuff is ridiculously scripted you haven't lurked long enough. Most here try to advise people based on their experience, the only qualification that any of us have here. Most here try to help others try to see through their own pain and denial. Are there some who are more direct than others? Sure. Are there some who are still so freshly wounded that they have an axe to grind? Sure. But those aren't hard to spot. Have you read all of the post of people thanking this site? Me among them. As a whole the people here are simply awesome. The time and effort that they put into thinking about and advising others - complete strangers at that - is phenomenal. 

Why would you lurk here and then feel compelled to wade in with your own particular axe to grind??


----------



## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

Opinions, like yours my friend, are like rear ends. Everybody has one!

Thanks for your input ... move along ...... Next!





Myownperson said:


> Where do I start? This is aimed at some, not most of the people on this site.
> 
> I have been lurking here for a while, hoping to find some useful advice about some petty marraige issues I have, and while the social spots and fun threads have been entertaining I dont think I have ever been so disgusted at the "advice" offered by some, and the "instructions" given by others at what should be done, or how a person should react at the suspicion or the discovery of an affair..emotional, or physical.Or even just marital problems in general! Do you people not realise that people are completley individual? and that YOUR experience of things have nothing to do with how they should proceed in their marriage?!
> 
> ...


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*you have NO RIGHT to tell someone what to do*


Really - and your holiness pray tell us more of your infinite wisdom.


----------



## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

sounds like someone from Surviving Infidelity mosied their way over here.

there's no coddling here, nor do we need moderators constantly monitoring how adults conduct themselves. thank you very much.


----------



## lifesabeach (Feb 25, 2012)

Can anyone say troll? $5 says OP won't be back


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

The OP is trollin. They have been online the whole time watching everyone post and have not come back on to justify their original post. They may not bother to come back on at all but rather see how many posts their thread can get. Game like


----------



## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Playing with trolls IS fun!!!!!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My experience has not been like that at all. I was able to leave an abusive marriage because of the insight I gained on this forum. I gave my abuser a second chance, and because of the knowledge I gained here as well as the support I got for continuing my individual therapy, the second time around I was in my own apartment and able to make a rational judgement that served me well. I also filed for and received a divorce in a minimum of time with a minimum of fuss and even, without having to say or prove anything further than a few statements I signed my name to, got freedom from harassment from my ex.

I'm sorry if your personal experience is shadowed by some kind of perfect knowledge about everyone else's. In my opinion you should only be concerned about what you take from the site and let the other big girls and boys decide for themselves what advice to seek and what advice to accept. 

So maybe someone takes advice they shouldn't have. What makes you think they are more or less likely to take that exact same advice from a friend in real life? Or that a counselor would not make some kind of mistake, based on religious belief or a poor assessment. Following advice when you should be practicing discernment or maybe being more careful about how people frame their questions, is part of life's learning curve. Censoring the process and attempting to control it isn't going to eradicate it. People are still going to seek advice, they are going to frame issues according to their own blind spots, and they are going to need some practice in learning to discern good advice from bad. 

Here and everywhere else that people interact with each other. If I went to a church I might have got very bad advice to stay in my marriage. Thankfully I had enough sense not to do that. I also looked into the other posts of people who gave me advice, to determine if they were really paying attention or just knee-jerking. 

Sometimes people follow bad advice and have good outcomes, sometimes people follow good advice and have bad outcomes, sometimes the advice is neither here nor there, it is just a starting place for someone to start to take action and own their own problems. You cannot definitively prove that any advice is bad and that the outcome might have been different than it was. That's erroneous dichotomous thinking, a major fallacy for people with perfectionist tendencies and guilt complexes. The truth is, there are a zillion outcomes and not all of them depend on anyone taking any kind of action...all of these possibilities equally exist. Following one action does not just define ONE other dichotomous action, that is the opposite of what was done. Nope, there are many many many many parallel states of being that could have occurred. Get used to it.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

"As a whole the people here are simply awesome. The time and effort that they put into thinking about and advising others - *complete strangers at that* - is phenomenal." Thats my point.

"fall into a string of failed relationships as you have."
Really?, I was talking about teenage relationships, im in a stable marriage with no fidelity concerns at all..Oh but you wouldnt know that because you dont know me do you..you just assumed, as so many do on this site.

"Trollin, Trollin, Trollin on a river" I disagreed with the majority therefore Im a troll?

"Come back when you find out that your spouse has been fooking around on you. Maybe your tune will change. Why the hell are you on an infidelity site when all you have are petty marital issues?" 
I do apologise, i was under the impression this site was called talk about marriage, as per google? You see this is my point "come back when you have been fooked around on then your tune will change" Its at that point you are so so so vulnerable. Ive seen suggestions of revenge affairs, leaving spouses penniless, exposing WS to their workplace ( because they deserve to have their career screwed up dont they?..on the advise of a group of people who have heard one side of the story) its unbelievable!


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Take what you want, leave the rest.

BTW, that's true for the entire internet.


----------



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Myown,you must be a OM or OW,troll? Could be.
Maybe a BS or,WS who has their head up their @ss.Hmm? No way you wandered on here by accident,anyway you an idiot
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Where do I start? This is aimed at some, not most of the people on this site.
> 
> I have been lurking here for a while, hoping to find some useful advice about some petty marraige issues I have, and while the social spots and fun threads have been entertaining I dont think I have ever been so disgusted at the "advice" offered by some, and the "instructions" given by others at what should be done, or how a person should react at the suspicion or the discovery of an affair..emotional, or physical.Or even just marital problems in general! Do you people not realise that people are completley individual? and that YOUR experience of things have nothing to do with how they should proceed in their marriage?!
> 
> ...


Duuuuude...except for the part about being married, I'd swear this was my DH fOW! Then again, she did change her last name on FB when she was not married yet, so who knows? I <3 <3 <3 trolls!


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lamaga said:


> *Take what you want, leave the rest.*
> 
> BTW, that's true for the entire internet.


Big trouble in little china - Universal Salad Bar - YouTube


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> "As a whole the people here are simply awesome. The time and effort that they put into thinking about and advising others - *complete strangers at that* - is phenomenal." Thats my point.
> 
> "fall into a string of failed relationships as you have."
> Really?, I was talking about teenage relationships, im in a stable marriage with no fidelity concerns at all..Oh but you wouldnt know that because you dont know me do you..you just assumed, as so many do on this site.
> ...


:scratchhead:
You came into the forum and attacked so yes troll would fit what you did. You are also making comments that make no sense. 

Yes its to TALK about marriage but if you come in attacking and telling everyone to "get a life" do you expect us to pull up a chair pour you a coffee and talk? Seriously?


----------



## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

You lie and tell us you've been cheated on 3 times?? Why? Why are u here?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Big trouble in little china - Universal Salad Bar - YouTube


Thanks Entropy.. now I know what movie I'm going to get for me and hubby tonight!


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> "As a whole the people here are simply awesome. The time and effort that they put into thinking about and advising others - *complete strangers at that* - is phenomenal." Thats my point.
> 
> "fall into a string of failed relationships as you have."
> Really?, I was talking about teenage relationships, im in a stable marriage with no fidelity concerns at all..Oh but you wouldnt know that because you dont know me do you..you just assumed, as so many do on this site.
> ...


Revenge affairs: I saw that only in sarcastic responses, if I am mistaken...show me.

Leaving spouses penniless....hmmm...can't recall those, but based on the people I have been in contact with, there was some underlying reason (and not bitterness) for the suggestion. Again, if I am wrong...Show me.

Hmmmm yes. Expose at work if the affair is with someone at work and there is a NO TOLERANCE policy at work. Yes, expose the affair at work. However, I did notice you didn't address the part about making the affairs uncomfortable... to expose to family. How does that make you feel?


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> "As a whole the people here are simply awesome. The time and effort that they put into thinking about and advising others - *complete strangers at that* - is phenomenal." Thats my point.
> 
> "fall into a string of failed relationships as you have."
> Really?, I was talking about teenage relationships, im in a stable marriage with no fidelity concerns at all..Oh but you wouldnt know that because you dont know me do you..you just assumed, as so many do on this site.
> ...


Why not post your story. We would love to advise you.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Thanks Entropy.. now I know what movie I'm going to get for me and hubby tonight!


LOL. My wife and I love this movie.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You guys are cracking me up. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> im in a stable marriage with no fidelity concerns at all..Oh but you wouldnt know that because you dont know me do you..you just assumed, as so many do on this site.


Lucky you,I hope you never have to experience it.Many here are not so lucky. If you are so stable...what prompted you to come here or I guess the question is what promted you to do the google search that brought you here? You do not need to be here.

You are bitter and I can't help but think you are leaving something out.Are you here because maybe a friend or possibly a relative is dealing with infidelity and you are looking for something?I say infidelity since you seeked the coping with infidelity thread rather than the general question thread.

Were you the OM/OW in a past relationship?


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Hmmm... I'm bored and don't have a life. I think I'll go visit the 'people who have been abducted by aliens' forum (even though I've never been abducted) just to stir things up.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Did Nurse Ratched allow you to get on the computer again. Geez, I am going to have to revoke your computer privilege.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I don't have any infidelity issues either OP but I have gotten alot of information from this site that has helped to IMPROVE my own relationship. And yes I have been cheated on by ex's just as you have as well.. but not with the man I'm with. Even though I have suspected him of such a few times.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

I havn't got a story of any interest, i really havn't, not after reading this site as much as i have.

As far as " taking what i want then leaving the rest" Ive not responded to enough to know how to use the qoute thingy with as much talent as needed to do multiples.

To the reply's that suggest i just do one, thats great! "I dont like what you are saying therefore I refuse to even contemplate the essence of it"

Can NOBODY see, that when you are hurt, betrayed, and on the floor emotionally that you will take any advise given as gospel? that "the complete 180" is what you should do totally and that these people have been through it before therefore it must be the entirely correct thing for my situation? Can nobody see that everybody is in a completly unique situation?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you don't like the site, all you have to do is not come here. Problem resolved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Can NOBODY see, that when you are hurt, betrayed, and on the floor emotionally that you will take any advise given as gospel? that "the complete 180" is what you should do totally and that these people have been through it before therefore it must be the entirely correct thing for my situation? Can nobody see that everybody is in a completly unique situation?


Yes,but each person is responsible for themselves.
They first chose to come here and lurk,then chose to post for ADVISE ,they then choose to read the posts and ultimatley they CHOOSE whether to follow any of the advise.

Its all a choice and each person has to make their own .Your choice was to come here and tell us all how bad this site is..but will not say why your so bitter and whay you originally came here.

Whats the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink"


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> I havn't got a story of any interest, i really havn't, not after reading this site as much as i have.
> 
> As far as " taking what i want then leaving the rest" Ive not responded to enough to know how to use the qoute thingy with as much talent as needed to do multiples.
> 
> ...


Well, we won't be keeping you.....


----------



## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

There are different forums on here..not all of them are infidelity
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> I havn't got a story of any interest, i really havn't, not after reading this site as much as i have.
> 
> As far as " taking what i want then leaving the rest" Ive not responded to enough to know how to use the qoute thingy with as much talent as needed to do multiples.
> 
> ...


Alas, the information given on this site is of a general, works in most cases, variety. Like others have pointed ad nauseum, people are free to pick and choose the advice that they want.

You, on the other hand, seem to want to limit the discourse to only what appears reasonable to you.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

That would be simple wouldnt it, then the people im reffering to wouldnt have to look at my point of view, which may cause them to THINK before taking someone out of the depths of emotional hell and sending them in the direction THEY want them to go in, because thats what worked for THEM.Regardless of any other info they maybe leaving out, or resulting in an abuser feeling justified.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

We have here someone with a Messiah complex - sh!t that sounds just like me. :rofl:


----------



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Many different stories and outcomes here,big variety of subject.You..My own,seem to be the one that is narrow minded
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> "As a whole the people here are simply awesome. The time and effort that they put into thinking about and advising others - *complete strangers at that* - is phenomenal." Thats my point.
> 
> "*fall into a string of failed relationships as you have."
> Really?, I was talking about teenage relationships, im in a stable marriage with no fidelity concerns at all.*.Oh but you wouldnt know that because you dont know me do you..you just assumed, as so many do on this site.
> ...


You had a string of failed teenage relationships. So do you think this made you a better person? Do you show more compassion now? How have these failures helped you in your current relationship? You seem to be in a lot of pain.

Realize that in this medium one way to get a person to open up is to make these assumptions. I can tell you this methodology works in other circumstances as well. We have posters who like to bait and switch. We get trickle truth. So the quickest way to cut to the chase is to make an assumption and let them validate or deny it. This is a way to move things forward.

So you got here becasue you have some minor marital issues. Indeed. I hope so for your sake. But if you communcate this way with your spouse then you may want to work on that. LOL.

So why not just save everyone all the fun and tell us what minor issues you were looking into. You were searching oin the web so this is the place you were looking for.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Im not bitter about anything, im really not. im a 32 year old female with her own mind, her own history that, as ive mentioned involves being cheated on. both of those situations ive come out the situation using my mind and my heart and ultimatley being the bigger person. i havnt had to hurt anyone just because they hurt me and i havnt had to ruin anybody.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> That would be simple wouldnt it, then the people im reffering to wouldnt have to look at my point of view, which may cause them to THINK before taking someone out of the depths of emotional hell and sending them in the direction THEY want them to go in, because thats what worked for THEM.Regardless of any other info they maybe leaving out, or resulting in an abuser feeling justified.


Except, now, the people to whom you are referring, will see your point of view. So... you win! :sleeping:



> As far as " taking what i want then leaving the rest" Ive not responded to enough to know how to use the qoute thingy with as much talent as needed to do multiples.


Ummm... what does that have to do with good vs bad advice? :scratchhead:

Honestly, I am having a hard time following your train of thought. I mean, I think I get the gist of what you are saying... but really, the way you are going about it is just...IDK, weird, to me. But that's probably because I'm a sheep and follow the flock instead of thinking for myself.


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Im not bitter about anything, im really not. im a 32 year old female with her own mind, her own history that, as ive mentioned involves being cheated on. both of those situations ive come out the situation using my mind and my heart and ultimatley being the bigger person. i havnt had to hurt anyone just because they hurt me and i havnt had to ruin anybody.


See but you have become a better person from your experience so why not tell others your story to help them get through and be a better person too


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Im not bitter about anything, im really not. im a 32 year old female with her own mind, her own history that, as ive mentioned involves being cheated on. both of those situations ive come out the situation using my mind and my heart and ultimatley being the bigger person. i havnt had to hurt anyone just because they hurt me and i havnt had to ruin anybody.


So what worked for you is the ANSWER? You need to bottle it and sell it. You could make a fortune.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> I havn't got a story of any interest, i really havn't, not after reading this site as much as i have.
> 
> As far as " taking what i want then leaving the rest" Ive not responded to enough to know how to use the qoute thingy with as much talent as needed to do multiples.
> 
> ...


People are unique like snowflakes. But they also have things in common just as snowflakes do. Snowflakes melt in the heat. By the process of sublimation they go from a solid to a gas. And so on. Unique but very similar in many ways.

Realize that seemingly contradictory things in the universe can and do co-exist. In fact they must for the others existence in balance.

In a complex world we are taught to deal with recurring patterns. To this end there are recurring patterns that emerge again and again.

Human behavior when it comes to make / female relationships can have many recurring patterns.

Much of human behavior is predicatable to a reasonable degree.


----------



## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

So.........

We all know its a troll but we let the thread get past 2 pages?



/sigh :scratchhead:


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Sarcasm seems to be prevailing here, I had a serious point.Clearly minds are just as closed as i thought they were.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> I havn't got a story of any interest, i really havn't, not after reading this site as much as i have.
> 
> As far as " taking what i want then leaving the rest" Ive not responded to enough to know how to use the qoute thingy with as much talent as needed to do multiples.
> 
> ...


What is the purpose of the 180, it's goals? Do you know it's source? How do you know if it works or does not work?


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> That would be simple wouldnt it, then the people im reffering to wouldnt have to look at my point of view, which may cause them to THINK before taking someone out of the depths of emotional hell and sending them in the direction THEY want them to go in, because thats what worked for THEM.Regardless of any other info they maybe leaving out, or resulting in an abuser feeling justified.


Actually this site like most has a block feature. People do not have to look at your opinion. Or my opinion. Or anyone elses. Some think this is part of being in a free and open society.

You now are being disengenuous and assuming AND judgemental ( did I miss anything? ) by assuming that people do not THINK about what they post. When I was 32 I knew a lot too. Not enough though.

I have learned a great deal on this site.

You seem to be in a lot of pain no matter how you protest.


----------



## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Sarcasm seems to be prevailing here, I had a serious point.Clearly minds are just as closed as i thought they were.


Clearly 




Whatever.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

TorontoBoyWest said:


> So.........
> 
> We all know its a troll but we let the thread get past 2 pages?:


Because it's fun to play with them 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Like cat and mouse? Sh1t! Now I created page #5.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)




----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

morituri said:


> Like cat and mouse? Sh1t! Now I created page #5.


You are sooooo coooool :smthumbup:


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Sarcasm seems to be prevailing here, I had a serious point.Clearly minds are just as closed as i thought they were.


Careful you don't fall off your high horse. lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Is that really a horse?!


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

with legs like that?!


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Sarcasm seems to be prevailing here, I had a serious point.Clearly minds are just as closed as i thought they were.


Myown let me ask you a question. Considering the fact that the people who CHOOSE to take the advice of other posters here are their own person.. what makes you think they need to be babied and sheltered when they .. as adults.. came seeking help and found it here? Granted some people it doesn't work for but again.. everything here is a CHOICE. You seem to fail to realize people are perfectly capable of deciding for THEMSELVES what works and what doesn't.. if it doesn't... they then learned a valuable lesson on what doesn't work. They are adults.. not babies needing a mother to look after them.. nor are they wounded animals who can't decide for themselves. I get how you can possibly become irate .. I myself get a bit emotional when reading about others situations but again it's a choice they make. No one is FORCING them to do anything. As far as sarcasm.. you seem to be putting out just as much as your getting. Your completely ignoring some posts and emphasizing on others. Once again a CHOICE your making.


----------



## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

I haven't yet read all the responses to the OP but I can say this site has helped me more than any other resource I've found. Whether it's been advice or tactics I've read, learning to keep my mouth closed when I discover something to not give away how I discovered it, or just pointing me to great books that have helped me be a better man.

I floundered for a while and this site helped me focus and take a hard line on absolutely unacceptable behavior from my wife; which has help me retain my self respect and do what I needed to do.

Plus nobody is obligated to follow every piece of advice given on a website. Everyone must weigh the advice given and choose accordingly.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

If we're not careful, this thread could rival Shamwow's.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

morituri said:


> Like cat and mouse? Sh1t! Now I created page #5.


Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I joined this forum recently to possibly gain some insight into certain issues in my relationship. I didn't come here for advice (if I felt I needed that, I would seek it from a professional), but have gained what I came here for. A better perspective and more insight into the problem I'm facing. 

It is up to each and every individual to sift through what they read in forums like this, and take from it what we will. It is our responsibility to make careful decisions about ourselves and our marriages / relationships based on the knowledge we have, and important that we accept or reject other people's opinions based on our own judgment.

Personally, I find this to be an excellent forum.


----------



## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Because it's fun to play with them
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


True.

It also can be said that you shouldnt tap the tank


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

The fact im being called a troll, just goes to show the intolerance of any opinion different to the majority of this site..its insane.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> with legs like that?!


Yes, it's a Egyptian breed… the long legged trotter. Not my favorite as they are hard to mount. 

We breed Egyptian Arabians... I prefer the breed.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Sarcasm seems to be prevailing here, I had a serious point.Clearly minds are just as closed as i thought they were.


Maybe you are the one with tunnel vision.


----------



## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Sarcasm seems to be prevailing here, I had a serious point.Clearly minds are just as closed as i thought they were.


So because we disagree with you we are closed minded? Really?? Can you say pot calling the kettle black???


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> The fact im being called a troll, just goes to show the intolerance of any opinion different to the majority of this site..its insane.


You remind me of TRBE.


----------



## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> So because we disagree with you we are closed minded? Really?? Can you say pot calling the kettle black???


Siggy gets 10 lashes for starting pg 6 :smthumbup:


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> The fact im being called a troll, just goes to show the intolerance of any opinion different to the majority of this site..its insane.


Ok, now your getting boring...back to the hockey game.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> The fact im being called a troll, just goes to show the intolerance of any opinion different to the majority of this site..its insane.


People accept different opinions here. The issues is you started out by attacking people. There are much better ways to get you ideas across.

Posts that you mention, like the one in which someone suggested a revenge affair. That person was soundly told to stop his nonsense by many members and he was banned. He very close to saying that cheaters should be executed. But here you are holding everyone responsible for something said that very sad person.

Why didn't you notice all the people telling him how he was wrong and that his harshness is not good or healthy?


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Ghia, i cant respond to them all can I? i seem to have caused more of a stink than I imagined. I dont think anybody needs mothering, I do however think people shouldnt be given extreme advise. If u read back right to the first lines of my post, i actually said it was aimed at some, not most posters. yet, most ignored that and took what they wanted out of my OP to argue with...


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> The fact im being called a troll, just goes to show the intolerance of any opinion different to the majority of this site..its insane.


Noooooo..it was the way you started to post.There was no room for difference of opinion.You came in with a MY OPINION IS IT and you made it clear that your opinion was the only one that mattered and was right.

You have taken what you wanted from parts of this site to help your opinion but left out the rest.Sort of a hypocrite based on what you are posting.

Yes you are right on the fact that some have posted to others some advise that is very poor and probably should not have been posted BUT again the OP'ers need to weed threw and weigh it out based on their life and situation.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Ghia, i cant respond to them all can I? i seem to have caused more of a stink than I imagined. I dont think anybody needs mothering, I do however think people shouldnt be given extreme advise. If u read back right to the first lines of my post, i actually said it was aimed at some, not most posters. yet, most ignored that and took what they wanted out of my OP to argue with...


True you can't and true some did but it's like alot have been saying.. people take what they want and leave the rest.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So now you're dissatisfied with the reponses to your thread?...you seem to be surprised you caused a stir. Yeah right. When you post on an open forum bashing said open forum, this is exactly what happens. Whatever. I'm bored.


----------



## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Is that really a horse?!


With legs like that? I think it would either be fast as hell or fall on its face with every step.


----------



## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Come to think of it a while back I made a thread called "sometimes I hate this TAMs sometimes I like it" but hey we can like everything we see on any site.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

But because I have an opinion thats different to the rest, im a troll, and shouldnt be given a second thought, right?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MyOwn,

If you don't feel safe sharing your own issues here, I'll suggest some good books written by professional marriage counselor



Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, by ichele Weiner-Davis 

and 

the books linked to in for building a passionate marriage in my signature block below....


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Ghia, i cant respond to them all can I? i seem to have caused more of a stink than I imagined. *I dont think anybody needs mothering, I do however think people shouldnt be given extreme advise.* If u read back right to the first lines of my post, i actually said it was aimed at some, not most posters. yet, most ignored that and took what they wanted out of my OP to argue with...


Extreme problems may very well take extreme measures. Very often what is required is for a spouse to make it abundantly clear that unfaithful behavior is unacceptable. Because of the nature of affairs and ther addictive nature this often requires an extreme response. If a marriage is the highest priority why would you not take extreme efforts and measures to save it. To not do so is ambivalent at best.

Sometimes patience is a good thing. Sometimes it is the absolute worst thing. It is cruel to tell people if they just sit back and do nothing it will be fine.

"The ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all ... go ask Alice ..."


----------



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

You guys,I think this bonehead is drawing everone in and enjoying it.Ignore the window licker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> But because I have an opinion thats different to the rest, im a troll, and shouldnt be given a second thought, right?


Your OP was basically an attack on most of the people here. What do you expect when you attack people? Now you are playing the victim. Do you do this often? Create a problem and then start crying victim?

If you don't like what an individual poster posts why not respond to that poster. Then you will have an impact on the site.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> People accept different opinions here. The issues is you started out by attacking people. There are much better ways to get you ideas across.
> 
> Posts that you mention, like the one in which someone suggested a revenge affair. That person was soundly told to stop his nonsense by many members and he was banned. He very close to saying that cheaters should be executed. But here you are holding everyone responsible for something said that very sad person.
> 
> Why didn't you notice all the people telling him how he was wrong and that his harshness is not good or healthy?


I have never seen revenge affairs as being promoted on this site. If someone posted that they were either a troll or in the extreme minority.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> But because I have an opinion thats different to the rest, im a troll, and shouldnt be given a second thought, right?


You feel the need to harp on this thought. Why is that?


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

It was stated that all people are unique, yet all the folks on TAM are seen by her as the same? A riddle no doubt.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I gotta go play with my wife now.

Goodnight Bright Eyes where ever you are.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I have never seen revenge affairs as being promoted on this site. If someone posted that they were either a troll or in the extreme minority.


Or sarcasm. I have seen the sarcastic side of such posts. Perhaps Myown didn't recognize the sarcastic ring to the post(s)?


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Window licker? As someone spends her working life supporting and caring for and sitting with troubled, sometimes sobbing relatives of "window lickers" ! Tucking them in at night, teaching them how to cook, clean and deal with picking out there clothes..how dare you use that term so casually, you have no idea!!


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Playing the VICTIM?...eh?! Not playing the victim more like stating what is obvious!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I have never seen revenge affairs as being promoted on this site. If someone posted that they were either a troll or in the extreme minority.


There was some guy here over the weekend who was advocating revenge affairs. His thoughts were that a betrayed spouse should never consider marital recovery until they had a revenge affair. That post caught holy hell for that and other things he said.. and he was banned. Some of his posts were deleted by the moderator as well.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

calvin said:


> You guys,I think this bonehead is drawing everone in and enjoying it.Ignore the window licker.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Window licker? As someone spends her working life supporting and caring for and sitting with troubled, sometimes sobbing relatives of "window lickers" ! Tucking them in at night, teaching them how to cook, clean and deal with picking out there clothes..how dare you use that term so casually, you have no idea!!


What are the odds?

Goodnight.


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Window licker? As someone spends her working life supporting and caring for and sitting with troubled, sometimes sobbing relatives of "window lickers" ! Tucking them in at night, teaching them how to cook, clean and deal with picking out there clothes..how dare you use that term so casually, you have no idea!!


hmmm.... the fact that you would call those who are in such a state a window licker yourself speaks volumes my friend 

You have shown a new side to yourself in this post...one I do not think is very becoming.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Window licker? As someone spends her working life supporting and caring for and sitting with troubled, sometimes sobbing relatives of "window lickers" ! Tucking them in at night, teaching them how to cook, clean and deal with picking out there clothes..how dare you use that term so casually, you have no idea!!


I'll have you know! My kids are window lickers! Well, the youngest one likes to anyway. But then, he also got ahold of some warming lube and smeared it on the sliding glass door once. THAT was fun to clean off. On the plus side, no frost formed on that part of the window...It's ok, he's still young. I mean, it's not like a three year old is gonna develop a porn addiction, right?? Right???


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Playing the VICTIM?...eh?! Not playing the victim more like stating what is obvious!


So, I've tried to get you into a conversation about the things you have said but you are apparently not interested in that.

Instead you just keep repeating some version of people are picking on you because you have a different opionion. And then ignoring that point several keep making that it's about the attacking tone of your OP, not your opinion.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Oh c mon you know what context i was using that term in. Its awful. Dont you dare try and turn my response to such a disgusting term right round on me.You will only justify it


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hm... learn something new every day... I did not know what some use 'window licker' to mean. My son just told me when I asked....


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Myown... your turning around quite a few posts into something they aren't.. do you not realize that? In a sense your doing exactly what your claiming others are doing.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

How can I get into any conversation?, by the time ive finished my reply to one person 6 others have posted! and I cant use the qoute thingy effectivley enough because ive no experience of it, and I have a cat that keeps bashing my fingers everytime I hit the speechmarks!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I need to go make some popcorn... will be right back...


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ele.. what does it mean? lol I honestly haven't a clue. :/


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Your on a computer right? Do you see the buttons on each post that say Quote, Multi, Quick? Choose one of those.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Its a derogative term for people with learning disibilitys, Autism, Downs etc..


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Oh **** yeah..the multi, I didnt see that!


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Ele.. what does it mean? lol I honestly haven't a clue. :/


Its not a nice term and its even nastier that she has applied it to those she is working with.


Its a slangterm.....
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=window licker

Window Licker:
1)Derived from the stereotyped behaviour of mentally challenged people, observed to place their open mouths into prolongued contact with the external windows of public or private transport on which they are seated.

2)A retard who sits in the back of the sunshine bus, licking the window whilst staring at you


----------



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Window licker? As someone spends her working life supporting and caring for and sitting with troubled, sometimes sobbing relatives of "window lickers" ! Tucking them in at night, teaching them how to cook, clean and deal with picking out there clothes..how dare you use that term so casually, you have no idea!!


Hey,way to politically correct anymore.I'm from the south and get called a hillybillt,stumpjumper every day.That was directed at you myown,I have special needs kid in my family,your grabbing at straws to justify this site as a terrible place.
I apologize if I used ther wrong term.Bonehead fits you just fine
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Won't someone please say the word "N-z-" so that we can invoke Godwin's Law here? 

If I don't go to bed soon, I'm not going to get my cute little butt smacked.....>>>>>


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Oh CMON...nastier that I applied it to those Im working with?..I used it in my reply to emphasise how abhorrent it actually is, now whose picking!

Please dont get on to my proffesion because thats not why im here, but just for the record unless you spend your life around learning disibilities etc you have no idea how the words "window licker" or "retard" for that matter are so disgusting.


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

:rofl:


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

If you have someone with learning disibilities in your family, why would you even use the term "window licker" with such ease? Deep south America perhaps? yeah that figures. Check shirt and a shot gun for when a Gay comes through town.....


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Im married, have been cheated on a few times in the past by ex's and i managed very well without a site like this believe it or not!


 You have been cheated on a few times by more than one ex and you believe that you have "managed very well without a site like this"? Your definition of doing very well is different than mine.

If you were open minded enough to weed through the advice on this site, picking and choosing what you need, perhaps you would learn some things that might prove useful in helping you not get cheated on again. One of the best things taught on this site is discussing and setting boundaries. Another thing taught on this site is reading books that help you not get into trouble in the fist place such as "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Not Just Friends" to name just two.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Good luck being right about everything! Bye!  :rofl:


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> How can I get into any conversation?, by the time ive finished my reply to one person 6 others have posted! and I cant use the qoute thingy effectivley enough because ive no experience of it, and I have a cat that keeps bashing my fingers everytime I hit the speechmarks!


To quote someone's post, click the 'QUOTE' button on the bottom right of the post.

If you want to break up a post do it by using the QUOTE tags.

[ Q U O T E =Myownperson;764313]How can I get into any conversation?,[ / Q U O T E ]

[ Q U O T E =Myownperson;764313]by the time ive finished my reply to one person 6 others have posted! [ / Q U O T E ]

[ Q U O T E =Myownperson;764313]and I cant use the qoute thingy effectivley enough because ive no experience of it, and I have a cat that keeps bashing my fingers everytime I hit the speechmarks![ / Q U O T E ]

becomes.... _{be sure to leave out the spaces that you see above in the word QUOTE... had to do that to get it to display so you can see what I did.}_


Myownperson said:


> How can I get into any conversation?,


now you can type



Myownperson said:


> by the time ive finished my reply to one person 6 others have posted!


between the sections


Myownperson said:


> and I cant use the qoute thingy effectivley enough because ive no experience of it, and I have a cat that keeps bashing my fingers everytime I hit the speechmarks!


I usually have MS Word open, copy/past the post to word. Then when I'm done writing I copy paste it to the forum window. Makes breaking up the longer posts a lot easier


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> If you have someone with learning disibilities in your family, why would you even use the term "window licker" with such ease? Deep south America perhaps? yeah that figures. Check shirt and a shot gun for when a Gay comes through town.....


Really?!!!! do as I say not as I do right??!!


----------



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

And where's your heart Myown?
You came in here and attacked a lot of people who are hurting bad,real bad.Now your going to fall on you sword.
I apologized and you need to also.You might get over being cheated on 3 times,for some us us just once can take a damn lifetime
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Sarcasm seems to be prevailing here, I had a serious point.Clearly minds are just as closed as i thought they were.



So, just because people aren't seeing YOU'RE point of view.. their minds must be closed huh? So YOU'RE opinion and point of view is the only right one? 

And you can come to this forum,,, being sarcastic,, yet when people are sarcastic back, that makes them bad people??


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> How can I get into any conversation?, by the time ive finished my reply to one person 6 others have posted! and I cant use the qoute thingy effectivley enough because ive no experience of it, and I have a cat that keeps bashing my fingers everytime I hit the speechmarks!


Ok so I showed you how to use the quote thingy.

Now if you want to have a conversation just start having one and ignore the posts that are not part of that conversation... works quite well.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

Just twicw, and I learnt. I do apologise if more people took offence than i imagined. But I did state at the start that I wasnt directing this at most, just some... I didnt attack anyone that were hurting, I attacked those that claimed to have the solution to their problems, but in reality just had the solution to their own.


----------



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

I don't think this is a troll. I came here for support and people who understand. What I've mostly seen is people who attack, assume, and point fingers when they don't know the situation at all, plus someone who acted like they wanted to talk with me to turn around and try to get me to have cybersex with them... people like that should just be banned, that's just disgusting.

Anyway, I DID find some nice supportive people here who I like to communicate with, in the end if I find one or two people who help at all... I think it's worth shifting through the trash.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

On a side note.. thanks to all those enlightening me on the definition of window licker. (And here I thought it was similar to window shopping...)


----------



## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> The fact im being called a troll, just goes to show the intolerance of any opinion different to the majority of this site..its insane.


No, I called you a troll, because that is what I call posters who only come to these forums to stir the pot. Sometimes posters from affair sites will come here and post fake stories, just to inflame. If that was not your intention then I apologize.


----------



## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Sarcasm seems to be prevailing here, I had a serious point.Clearly minds are just as closed as i thought they were.[/QUOT
> 
> I think one thing we can all agree on is that I, BigLiam, have a veritable sixth sense about infidelity, and that my advice is always the best.
> So, if everyone would just listen to me(and sometime Morituri), all infidelity problems would be resolved.
> Who's with me, gang?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Myownperson: To quote one of my favorite French philosophers and writers, Voltaire:

*"I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it!"*


----------



## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Riven said:


> *plus someone who acted like they wanted to talk with me to turn around and try to get me to have cybersex with them... *


Wow, that is terrible.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Riven said:


> I don't think this is a troll. I came here for support and people who understand. What I've mostly seen is people who attack, assume, and point fingers when they don't know the situation at all, plus someone who acted like they wanted to talk with me to turn around and *try to get me to have cybersex with them*... people like that should just be banned, that's just disgusting.
> 
> Anyway, I DID find some nice supportive people here who I like to communicate with, in the end if I find one or two people who help at all... I think it's worth shifting through the trash.


I got someone banned for that...first day I joined, I got propositioned and I reported him and he got banned. If people are doing that, report to the mods and they will take care of it.


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Riven said:


> I don't think this is a troll. plus someone who acted like they wanted to talk with me to turn around and try to get me to have cybersex with them... people like that should just be banned, that's just disgusting.
> 
> Anyway, I DID find some nice supportive people here who I like to communicate with, in the end if I find one or two people who help at all... I think it's worth shifting through the trash.


WHAT!!! I was never offered cybersex.  JK!! 

I agree,I do not think they are a troll anymore either.
But they do need to realize that they have an opinion and they are entitled to that but so is everyone else.

When I posted a problem on here I WANTED everyones advice...thats why I posted.I chose how to proceed after.


----------



## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

Im being brave here!

Ive been sat watching this and have to agree just a tiny bit with Riven and the OP...there is so much that goes on on here, that really shouldnt go on, and while i understand so many on here have lots to offer. So many really dont, and are tolerated and worse, they are taken on board.

Myown, You are in some cases making a valid point, but offending people and rubbing people up the wrong way, wont help in getting it across..


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Just twicw, and I learnt. I do apologise if more people took offence than i imagined. But I did state at the start that I wasnt directing this at most, just some... I didnt attack anyone that were hurting, I attacked those that claimed to have the solution to their problems, but in reality just had the solution to their own.


Serious question: What did you learn when you were cheated on twice?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Gemwas said:


> Im being brave here!
> 
> Ive been sat watching this and have to agree just a tiny bit with Riven and the OP...there is so much that goes on on here, that really shouldnt go on, and while i understand so many on here have lots to offer. So many really dont, and are tolerated and worse, they are taken on board.
> 
> Myown, You are in some cases making a valid point, but offending people and rubbing people up the wrong way, wont help in getting it across..


When you read a post that you think is giving really bad advice, do you say something about it? Or just let it go? You see it's not helpful to just say that some posts/posters give bad advice. It would be good know who you, Revin and the OP think are giving bad advice.

It would also be good to see what you think is good advice.


----------



## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I got someone banned for that...first day I joined, I got propositioned and I reported him and he got banned. If people are doing that, report to the mods and they will take care of it.


Me, too. I have had several of the women propositioners banned.
And, no. I will not wear women's underwear.


----------



## Myownperson (May 21, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Serious question: What did you learn when you were cheated on twice?


Just to follow my heart, and to totally ignore everyone else. take note of the signs and to act accordingley. I now have the best Husband in the world.


----------



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Just twicw, and I learnt. I do apologise if more people took offence than i imagined. But I did state at the start that I wasnt directing this at most, just some... I didnt attack anyone that were hurting, I attacked those that claimed to have the solution to their problems, but in reality just had the solution to their own.


But how do you know that the advice given here doesn't work for some or most... just because something different worked for you.. I would rather get the advice from say... 20 people that have been on the giving or receiving end of an issue (infidelity in my case),, than just 1 person and take my chances...this forum can give you hugs, or a 2x4 upside your head... 

Maybe you lurked here for a while,,but if you get to actually "know" the posters here,, it's a great place to spend your time and get advice or just socialize... 

But when you come in attacking people, saying they don't know how to get through relationship problems (especially infidelity),, you better be ready for battle.. 
I wish I'd of found this site earlier,, but not on the terms I did. 
Now I'm addicted..I am on it any free time I have.


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Im not bitter about anything, im really not. im a 32 year old female with her own mind, her own history that, as ive mentioned involves being cheated on. both of those situations ive come out the situation using my mind and my heart and ultimatley being the bigger person. i havnt had to hurt anyone just because they hurt me and i havnt had to ruin anybody.


Both, I thought it was three?



Myownperson said:


> Its a derogative term for people with learning disibilitys, Autism, Downs etc..





Myownperson said:


> If you have someone with learning disibilities in your family, why would you even use the term "window licker" with such ease? Deep south America perhaps? yeah that figures. Check shirt and a shot gun for when a Gay comes through town.....


As someone who works with disabled people, whether in jest or not as a retort, how dare you use the same derogatory statement so lightly while accusing others of the same actions.

As a mom of two autistic kids I'd sooner shoot myself in the left foot than let you near them as a professional who works with disabled people.

You're a disgrace to personal support workers everywhere.


----------



## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

There has been plenty of advice I CHOSE not to follow because I didn't think it fit my situation. There has been advice I did CHOOSE to follow because it made sense and I didn't think of it myself.

You can learn alot from other peoples misery and problems. They can learn from yours. In that way this site is every bit the support some of us has needed. But it still is personal choice as to what you do with the advice. No robots here. I've seen first hand people who rational their spouses behavior until they took some advice given only to find out that they have been indeed played. Try telling them this site is crap.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Folks honestly come her asking for opinions and ideas because the have run out of options they can think of to try. Especially in infidelity, they often are at a major disadvantage trying to uncover the truth and dealing with the lies self doubts and gas lighting they are living with.

This board offers opinions by any people who share what has worked for them and others.

In fact a major thing we offer is helping posters sort out the trees and forest.

And like the cheater support web sites, we help posters understand the options they have available to them and to understand common tricks like burner phones used by cheaters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

I read alot on here and it really helps me put things nto perspective in my relationship.

I may read a post that sounds alot like my situation and from it I learn a few things about me and take it back with me in my "toolbox" to better my relationship.It has worked well for me so I stay and help where I can as well.

Plus there are some really great people on here and it feels like a family here.


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

mommyofthree said:


> WHAT!!! I was never offered cybersex.


dammit, youre the one i missed :/


----------



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Yes,I still apologize,thanks for the trigger Myown. Being betrayed by the one you could count on the most hurts bad.Maybe not you,2,3 or more but hey who's counting? I am. And once was enough to almost do my family in.
Now I think I will brush my one tooth,grab my shot gun,get my horse and take my uneducated ass on a little gay hunting,cause thats what we do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

mommyofthree said:


> *WHAT!!! I was never offered cybersex. * JK!!
> 
> I agree,I do not think they are a troll anymore either.
> But they do need to realize that they have an opinion and they are entitled to that but so is everyone else.
> ...


Me either, what's a poster got to do??????????? :rofl:


----------



## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Myownperson said:


> Just to follow my heart, and to totally ignore everyone else. take note of the signs and to act accordingley. I now have the best Husband in the world.


what if you had kids with the cheater? Or were at risk of paying alimony? Little different, eh?

STD's risk factored in? How about the other person's spouse and her right to know or her right to get tested for STDs.
Not so simple as just slinking off, is it?


----------



## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> When you read a post that you think is giving really bad advice, do you say something about it? Or just let it go? You see it's not helpful to just say that some posts/posters give bad advice. It would be good know who you, Revin and the OP think are giving bad advice.
> 
> It would also be good to see what you think is good advice.



Personally, I find some threads a little bit to intimidating to post if I dont agree with the advice given, especially if lots of people are agreeing.

I enjoy this site, but I have found on occasion ( not just in the CWI ) I have offered up something that I think I am well qualified offer, that may be totally different from what others are suggesting and I have been completley ignored.

Im 29 and just recentley married, i came here to improve on my own relationship by getting an insight into others and I think it does the job, but I can a little tiny bit see where Riven and OP are coming from :s


----------



## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

I got a lot of great advice here. Many posters have been through hell and back, and I learned from their mistakes. This forum has helped me grow as a person.


----------



## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Gemwas said:


> Personally, I find some threads a little bit to intimidating to post if I dont agree with the advice given, especially if lots of people are agreeing.
> 
> I enjoy this site, but I have found on occasion ( not just in the CWI ) I have offered up something that I think I am well qualified offer, that may be totally different from what others are suggesting and I have been completley ignored.
> 
> Im 29 and just recentley married, i came here to improve on my own relationship by getting an insight into others and I think it does the job, but I can a little tiny bit see where Riven and OP are coming from :s


Okay. That's enough out of you.


----------



## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> Okay. That's enough out of you.


I was asked a question, And I think I answered it without offence or antaganism..I don't think that was neccersary?


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> When you read a post that you think is giving really bad advice, do you say something about it? Or just let it go?


Great question. 

If you see something that you disagree with, speak up and provide your perspective for the OP to consider. By adding your voice to the discussion, you add to the diversity of opinion and perspective for the OP and the board.


----------



## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Gemwas said:


> I was asked a question, And I think I answered it without offence or antaganism..I don't think that was neccersary?


I could be wrong but I think he was just joking not trying to be offensive at all.


----------



## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

Ah! Maybe a little smiley face would have helped ?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Gemwas said:


> I was asked a question, And I think I answered it without offence or antaganism..I don't think that was neccersary?


Gem, he was kidding. You said you feel intimidated, etc... He was playing off that.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Gemwas said:


> Personally, I find some threads a little bit to intimidating to post if I dont agree with the advice given, especially if lots of people are agreeing.
> 
> I enjoy this site, but I have found on occasion ( not just in the CWI ) I have offered up something that I think I am well qualified offer, that may be totally different from what others are suggesting and I have been completley ignored.
> 
> Im 29 and just recentley married, i came here to improve on my own relationship by getting an insight into others and I think it does the job, but I can a little tiny bit see where Riven and OP are coming from :s


If you think you have something to contribute to an OP, go ahead and say what you think! What's the worst that can happen if you post something that others don't agree with? 

Debating a topic can help the OP think about different sides to their situation. Or if you don't want to debate, don't. You put your opinion out there, and that's the best you can do.

Even if your post isn't commented on or noticed, that doesn't mean people aren't reading and thinking. The OP might still get something out of it, or come back and re-read when they are in a different place and get something out of it then.


----------



## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

:allhail::allhail:

Don't sass me, boy.


----------



## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

It's been interesting..goodnight all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Myownperson said:


> Just to follow my heart, and to totally ignore everyone else. take note of the signs and to act accordingley. I now have the best Husband in the world.


How long have you been married?

It's nice that this has worked for you so far. Many people, including myself, did exactly what you say to do. And yet somewhere down the line they end up finding out that their spouse has been living a double life. Just take note and follow your heart no longer works.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Gemwas said:


> Personally, I find some threads a little bit to intimidating to post if I dont agree with the advice given, especially if lots of people are agreeing.
> 
> I enjoy this site, but I have found on occasion ( not just in the CWI ) I have offered up something that I think I am well qualified offer, that may be totally different from what others are suggesting and I have been completley ignored.
> 
> Im 29 and just recentley married, i came here to improve on my own relationship by getting an insight into others and I think it does the job, but I can a little tiny bit see where Riven and OP are coming from :s


Internet forums can be harsh places. I've learned to let a lot of things just not bother me.

I understand the feeling that your good advice is being ignored. But just your advice is not getting a lot of attention does not mean it's being ignored. For every person who posts here there are probably hundreds who read and never post. 

Everyone who reads your posts take away with them your message. They will think about what eveyone on the thread said and incorporate into their lives what they feel fit their situation. Just because you do not get a lot of responses does not mean people are not taking your input. 

Just keep putting out what you feel is good advice. It will help people


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Gemwas said:


> Personally, I find some threads a little bit to intimidating to post if I dont agree with the advice given, especially if lots of people are agreeing.
> 
> I enjoy this site, but I have found on occasion ( not just in the CWI ) I have offered up something that I think I am well qualified offer, that may be totally different from what others are suggesting and I have been completley ignored.
> 
> Im 29 and just recentley married, i came here to improve on my own relationship by getting an insight into others and I think it does the job, but I can a little tiny bit see where Riven and OP are coming from :s


This post alone and the response it received may well help someone else who may have been tentative to post in the past to overcome their own uneasiness.That's a good thing imo and I personally love seeing a broad range of perspective and advice.Keep it up!


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Or sarcasm. I have seen the sarcastic side of such posts. Perhaps Myown didn't recognize the sarcastic ring to the post(s)?


Yes. And I have seen people suggest that they fake intersest for or from other folks as a tactic.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Hmm intersest? Another word I don't know?


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Vanton68 said:


> Me either, what's a poster got to do??????????? :rofl:


I know, I'll just change my forum picture. :smthumbup:


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Oh hey!! It's that... I can't believe it's not butter guy!!!


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> There was some guy here over the weekend who was advocating revenge affairs. His thoughts were that a betrayed spouse should never consider marital recovery until they had a revenge affair. That post caught holy hell for that and other things he said.. and he was banned. Some of his posts were deleted by the moderator as well.


Ah, I was very busy over the weekend. Glad I missed that one. What an idiot. Ok so that explains her comments about this. But those things flare up and are eventually dealt with on TAM.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Thread closed.

Strongly suggest you read the following prior to posting again.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/2117-forum-rules-please-read-first.html


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Deejo said:


> Thread closed.
> 
> Strongly suggest you read the following prior to posting again.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/2117-forum-rules-please-read-first.html


:iagree:

Also setting up aliases to argue your own point will get you banned. OP and his/her counterpart are now out.


----------

