# Lessons from a BS and the betrayer



## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Last night I finally got to talk to an old friend of mine whom I had lost contact with. She and I spoke for 3 hours. I trust her explicitly. After telling her what was going on with my WH and OW she told me a story and I would like to share it with you all.

My friend attends a church in a small community. The associate pastor who had been a pastor of another church started acting strange. His sermons were focused on pornography. My friend told her husband that something wasn't right with the pastor. She prayed for him as well as the church. This associate pastor has a wife and 2 young children at the time. The associate pastor has been at this church for about 3 years, the head pastor whom was/is very old loves this man and was going to turn the church over to him to lead.
One day during a service without warning the associate pastor tells the congregation that he wants to step down as associate pastor and become an evangelist that this is the calling on his life. The church still pay his salary as they think he is going out into the world to preach the gospel.
My friend notices this man at the lake dressing differently acting differently and continues to pray for him. The mans wife comes down with breast cancer. The man yells and screams at her that it is her falt that she has breast cancer which in her case is deadly as she had no insurance and did not get the lump checked earlier.
My friend works for a school in a small community and so does the man and his wife. My friend notices the man telling off color jokes about woman and such, and is embarrased by his behavior. My friend gets an email one day from the man stating "You are going to hear a rumor about me, you are going to want to defend me but don't, it's true I had an affair". My friend is stunned. The man's wife workes at the school and thier children are in the school and of course find out. They the BS/OW were caught having sex in the school as the OW is a grade school teacher there.
The wife of this BS has to have a masectomy and chemo so the BS tells her he will stay while she is going through this trauma...but all the while stays in the affair and treats the wife terribly. The wife continues to love and forgive this man.
The man eventually leaves the wife and is fired from the school. Gets a job at a hotel and lives there. The wife all along forgiving him and the OW while having her breast removed, her husband abandon her and her children and continues in the affair.
The wife continues to have faith that he will return to her. About a year later the BS/man posts a love song to his lover/OW on FB. The wife is in another state and gets a text message from her husband stating "goodbye". The wife who has forgiven both the betrayer and OW, calls my friends husband in fear that the man is going to hurt himself. The man had become depressed.
My friends husband goes looking for the man, calls his job and after 2 attempts to get in touch with the man at the hotel is told "Don't come, yes he is here but he is dead".
The man killed himself, the man who was a pastor and a leader fell from grace so far that he couldn't stand to live in his own skin any longer and took his own life.
The wife to this day continues to forgive the OW, who happened to be her best friend by the way, and she continues to forgive her husband who betrayed her and left her during a very traumatic time in her life. She continues to forgive them both.....
The lesson is....for us all....Forgivness is not easy but we can forgive...as this woman has and is doing.....Also, pornography opens doors that does in fact lead to death either in Heaven or on this earth....and no matter what with grace and faith one can overcome even the most horrible of situations.....

After hearing this story last night, I wept and cried this morning as I felt ashamed as I had not forgiven the OW....I now forgive her...my husband has not left (as yet), I do not have breast cancer (that I know of) and my life is not so bad....just bad situations.....
Moral of my story.....life may throw a punch at you but you can overcome with faith and handing it over to the Creator of this earth........
I hope and pray that someone learns from this story as I have....
I did call my husband and told him the story....the only thing he focused on was the man being dead and no one in the community talking about it....the man died over a year ago and we were not in a church in the community at that time so how would we know what happened? I focused on the fact that the woman forgave with such forgivness that I have not heard of but have only read about in books.....
She is an inspiration to me...as Scripture tells us we must forgive or we will not be forgiven.....If we are to be followers of Christ then we MUST walk after Him and be like Him.......He forgave even those who nailed Him to that cross/pole and He forgave those who spat on Him and called Him a liar.....Yahushua/Jesus forgives us all...He died for us so we may have life....if you don't know Him...please go to Him now.....He tells us that He will carry our burdens if we give them to Him and He will place within you a gift of life through Him.....come to Him...He is calling and knocking....Please let Him in.....time is short.....death is inevitable....after death there is no turning back.......


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

onthefence16 said:


> ...
> 
> After hearing this story last night, I wept and cried this morning as I felt ashamed as I had not forgiven the OW....I now forgive her...my husband has not left (as yet), I do not have breast cancer (that I know of) and my life is not so bad....just bad situations.....
> Moral of my story.....life may throw a punch at you but you can overcome with faith and handing it over to the Creator of this earth........
> ...


 
Allow me some leeway here...

The story is hearsay. Who really knows what has been modified to fit the storyteller's perception. And who knows how many times the story had been retold. Best if one can confirm with the pastor's wife.

Also, the dead man was a pastor; he, of most people, should had known or believed about Jesus carrying the burden. I suppose he didnt have the faith in that.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

The story is not hearsay as my friend is a friend of the wife of the pastor and was there....she saw with her own eyes the level of forginess this wife has.....My friend would not put a story out there that was not true.....
If you choose not to believe that is your choice....I believe in the level of forgivness that was given to this woman to bear and also believe in my Messiah Savior.....and choose to forgive today.....


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

onthefence16 said:


> The story is not hearsay as my friend is a friend of the wife of the pastor and was there....she saw with her own eyes the level of forginess this wife has.....My friend would not put a story out there that was not true.....
> If you choose not to believe that is your choice....I believe in the level of forgivness that was given to this woman to bear and also believe in my Messiah Savior.....and choose to forgive today.....


Your friend's wife has a lot more forgiveness in her than I ever would, as a Christian myself. Not only did this man let down his congregation and still take a salary, he cheated on his wife, said horrible things to her, left her while she was gravely ill with two small children and then when things got too tough for him, he took the easy way out, killed himself leaving a dying wife and two small children to be orphans. A true coward to the last minute he was.
Forgiveness is wonderful and it is earned. This man did nothing to earn the forgiveness of his wife. She is a saint in my opinion.


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

I can appreciate this woman's strength. Imagine someone being able to go through all that and still able to forgive. Thank you for sharing it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> She is a saint in my opinion.


All who have expressed faith in Christ are Saints. Not because of any action other than accepting Christ as Savior.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

I sent her a messege on fb and thanked her.....she is truly inspiring to me.......And I choose to forgive today.....as we are supposed to forgive no matter what.....resentment kills.....forgivness heals...


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Marksaysay: All those who profess to have faith in Christ are not saints.....even Lucifer knows who Christ is.....when one professes to have faith in Christ they should be following after Him....I really don't think that Christ would go and lie, steal or cheat....Do you? Those who lie, steal and cheat are those who follow after the other one...the evil one...the tempter....the liar, thief and killer of souls....I have come to the realization that the tares and wheat spoken of by Christ are actually Christ followers...He was not speaking of unbelievers....when He spoke of the seed that is sown he spoke of 3 different senerios....One where the thief seals them, one where they die off, and one where they grow on fertile ground...what is the fertile ground...? He also tells us many are called and few are chosen, narrow is the way and broad is the path....beautitudes is a good place to start if one wants to follow after Him........Humble oneself.....give...forgive...beleive...and the list of humilty is long and hard...but we can follow if we truly are followers...look at the churches today...are the people humbling themselves or worshipping themselves?? The church of entertainment is taking over true Christianity..those people who claim they Jews (we become one with Him...He was Jewish) and are not.......Scripture clearly tells us that there are wolves in sheeps clothing who will are are entering into the church....Paul tells us these things....not all are saints....and I feel sorry for them they are lost......


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

onthefence16 said:


> Marksaysay: All those who profess to have faith in Christ are not saints.....even Lucifer knows who Christ is.....when one professes to have faith in Christ they should be following after Him....I really don't think that Christ would go and lie, steal or cheat....Do you? Those who lie, steal and cheat are those who follow after the other one...the evil one...the tempter....the liar, thief and killer of souls....I have come to the realization that the tares and wheat spoken of by Christ are actually Christ followers...He was not speaking of unbelievers....when He spoke of the seed that is sown he spoke of 3 different senerios....One where the thief seals them, one where they die off, and one where they grow on fertile ground...what is the fertile ground...? He also tells us many are called and few are chosen, narrow is the way and broad is the path....beautitudes is a good place to start if one wants to follow after Him........Humble oneself.....give...forgive...beleive...and the list of humilty is long and hard...but we can follow if we truly are followers...look at the churches today...are the people humbling themselves or worshipping themselves?? The church of entertainment is taking over true Christianity..those people who claim they Jews (we become one with Him...He was Jewish) and are not.......Scripture clearly tells us that there are wolves in sheeps clothing who will are are entering into the church....Paul tells us these things....not all are saints....and I feel sorry for them they are lost......


Maybe I used the wrong wording. While I didn't use the word "profess", I do know there is a huge difference in what we profess and what we possess. 

I totally agree that all who "profess" are not saints. Christ himself said, "all who call me Lord will not enter heaven". No argument from me there.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

I beleive the definition of profess is to express something that you beleive to be true....thanks for the agreement.....It's sad and true...and I say no wonder He will come again and destroy those who are of the synagoge (gathering/congregation) of Lucifer......Time is short....look at the world around you...everywhere....time is running out......If there is anyone out there reading this post...choose to forgive...choose life.....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> All who have expressed faith in Christ are Saints. Not because of any action other than accepting Christ as Savior.


What? lol. No.

This story didn't make me sad...I think it went the way these things go sometimes.

Sorry to be a b!tch, but what scum that man was to leave a wife with cancer.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Forgiveness is wonderful and it is earned.


I chose to forgive my ex-wife for her betrayal so that I could heal and move on with my life but chose not to reconcile with her despite all of her crying and begging for me to do so.

A betrayer can never repay the betrayed for the damaged he/she has caused, that is a fact. The only thing the betrayer can ever hope for is to earn the betrayed spouse's desire to reconcile with him/her.

Forgiveness is not something that is earned by the betrayer, it is a gift that the betrayed gives to him/herself. It liberates the betrayed from the betrayer's actions so that the betrayed can move on with his/her life in peace.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

morituri said:


> I chose to forgive my ex-wife for her betrayal so that I could heal and move on with my life but chose not to reconcile with her despite all of her crying and begging for me to do so.
> 
> A betrayer can never repay the betrayed for the damaged he/she has caused, that is a fact. The only thing the betrayer can ever hope for is to earn the betrayed spouse's desire to reconcile with him/her.
> 
> Forgiveness is not something that is earned by the betrayer, it is a gift that the betrayed gives to him/herself. It liberates the betrayed from the betrayer's actions so that the betrayed can move on with his/her life in peace.


You are in a good place Mori and I applaud you for your forgiveness. In the situation mentioned though, a cheater killing himself leaving behind a dying wife and two young children to be orphaned all claiming to be a man of God....my forgiveness well runs dry. He was a fraud and a coward, pretty typical of cheaters I have found.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

that_girl said:


> What? lol. No.
> 
> This story didn't make me sad...I think it went the way these things go sometimes.
> 
> Sorry to be a b!tch, but what scum that man was to leave a wife with cancer.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> In the situation mentioned though, a cheater killing himself leaving behind a dying wife and two young children to be orphaned all claiming to be a man of God....my forgiveness well runs dry. He was a fraud and a coward, pretty typical of cheaters I have found.


You are right, he was a fraud and a coward. And consumed with self-hatred for his deeds that he couldn't undo yet too cowardly to at least offer his ex-wife an acknowledgement of the wrongs he committed against her and his children.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Yes I agree a Christian who decieves is a fraud...and someone who takes thier lives is a coward as to not face life on lifes terms....


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Nobody really knows why that guy killed himself. Presuming it is because of guilt or regret is a stretch. 

He could have just as easily have killed himself because he could no longer attract more women with his lies because he was out of cash.

Some people are sociopaths and have no guilt.

And there is a type of sociopath that relishes living within the trusting religious types. Easy pickings.

I know what I just wrote seems overly harsh. It would be "best" in a terrible situation that at the end he was responding to his own guilt.

But he very well could have been expressing rage at his selfishness thwarted by bad finances.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Points to Michzz

Some people are incapable of guilt and some use that as a tool to misuse others for their own benefit.


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