# I'm the depressed one



## Ineptitude (May 30, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for almost five years, and we knew each other for two years before that. When we first met, I was under the thumb of depression, fighting off suicidal thoughts at every turn. With help from him and a couple of medications, I broke through the depression and we have had a wonderful marriage. 

A couple of months ago, I decided to quit taking my antidepressants. I was a good doobie, and I talked to the doctor and to my husband about it first. 

The problem now is that I keep venting at my husband. I'm not good at being "not okay," which is probably why I got so depressed in the first place. I don't know how to deal with most emotions, so I get upset and he ends up trying to deal with me. I can tell when I'm being emotional or irrational, and I can admit it, but that doesn't keep it from happening. 

The last thing I want is to push him away, but I do have to vent to SOMEONE. I have been very stressed lately, so I have been lashing out, and I can see him (or imagine him) pulling away. The problem is that I can't tell if I'm seeing or imagining. My concern, and maybe some of you can help me with this, is how much of this can he take? How much is acceptable? 

During my last bout of depression, I ended up alienating a lot of friends due to my moods. I would like to try to pull through this and learn to be ok without medication, but if it comes down to taking meds or losing my husband, I'll take the medicine.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Are you in therapy? If so what does your therapist say? You say you don't know how to deal with most emotions, that is something that needs to be dealt with in therapy. You may need someone who specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) They teach you how to cope/deal with things by learning to change your thought process. I think medications can be a good thing, BUT once you take that medicine away you are still left with not knowing how to cope or deal with the world around you, thats why you need further treatment beside just meds.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Your post title indicates that you're the one with depression. You're married, so you both are dealing with depression. You also have no way of knowing what's going on inside his head. He might feel more screwed up than you. You were doing pretty well while taking your meds but you decided to quit taking them. It's usually bad practice to discontinue such meds without physician's supervision. My wife has a bunch of mental health issues as well. It's awful for her but it's not tea with the queen for me, either. It's never happened but it would be nice if once in a while she expressed some appreciation for my sticking with her through all this. The depression is going to make you say hurtful things to him now and then. When you're not in one of those dark places, giving him a hug and specifically showing some appreciation for helping with your depression might help him stay this difficult course. Folks get paid well for doing a very tiny fraction of what your husband does freely. Your "friends" abandoned you. Your husband is still there. That ought to be worth something.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I suffered from depression (have beaten it now with therapy). The problem with what you've done is you quit the meds before you learned how to manage your emotions. Meds should ideally be taken in conjunction with therapy for best benefit.

As far as how much venting he can take that depends on him. My husband can't take much of it to be honest. I try to really watch how often I 'vent' to him. 

There have been times when I was down for a week at a time but on those depressive times I retreated not lashed out. And I was good about reaching out to him to assure him I was aware and was going to beat this. Also to make sure he knew I loved him and that he didn't cause this.


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## Ineptitude (May 30, 2012)

No, I am not in therapy. The problem with therapy is that it costs money, which I don't have. I saw a therapist for a couple of months in college; it was awkward and horrible. Finding a therapist I could relate to at a price I could afford would be nigh impossible. 

I did have the supervision of my doctor when I quit the medicine, but he is a general practitioner and did not seem to care much. All he told me was that I will eventually have a relapse, and if I don't, it's because I died too soon. What a lovely sentiment. 

When I get depressed, I withdraw, but my husband does not understand the "leave me alone" approach. He always wants to talk about it, which is when I end up lashing out at him. As soon as the mood has passed, I apologize and show him that I appreciate him. It's usually all within a matter of hours, but I worry that this up-and-down is going to mess with a good thing.


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## muttgirl (Mar 23, 2012)

At least your h is concerned and interested in you. you can stop yourself from lashing at him by pausing, counting to 5 or 10 and remember to be polite and explain in a short sentence what is going on. You have driven people away and you will do the same to the h unless you train yourself to be civil to him so he continues to care and try to help. The stress is tough but exercise does help. Walks do the trick for me but working out can burn off that energy. Also stuff like singing or yelling in your car if you are alone can release some stress as well as jumping jacks or shadow boxing even for a couple minutes makes you feel release of that energy. Either way, you have someone who is worth protecting, even from yourself.


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## AudreyOconnor (Jun 21, 2012)

A friend of mine suffers from this problem. Her boyfriend couldn't cope with this pressure of her constant depressions and breakdowns, so they broke. I don't know how to help her. She used to in therapy and that really helped, but now she's not. She's just 22, how can I help her? She's living pretty normal life, she is trying to work, but can't do it as swoons during her working day. Horrible stuff.


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## muttgirl (Mar 23, 2012)

If she cant work during the day, she really needs to go to a doctor to get meds to help her functioning. If she has had depression for a long time, she needs to go into detail about what has worked for her and ask for ideas to help her cope. If she is not in control of it, the last thing she needs to try to have a relationship, too. Tell her she needs to get back into therapy or go to doctor. If she refuses, help her find self help books or something to get her moving again. Swoons could be a physical problem she is having so doctor's visit a good idea.


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