# wife not interested but still does it



## pogopete (May 23, 2012)

I have a bit of an interesting problem. My wife has become completely disinterested in sex. She says she just doesnt value it at all like I do. She prefers cuddles, or what she says 'intimacy' and 'trust' but not actual sex.

Though she'll be happy to give me a bj, or a hand job, or even sex itself, but its just for the purpose of getting me off not for any kind of mutual pleasure. Sex is forced and it always seems like its just for the purpose of getting it out of the way as quickly as possible.

She hardly lets me touch her sexually any more. Nothing that I can think of that would even warm her up to make her feel like it any more.

Its gotten to the point now that I just have to outright ask, get my fix, she doesn't have any enjoyment, I get off, then done.

I've asked and she seems happy for it to be like this and writes it off to her having a low sex drive. But for me it just sucks because it feels like I'm both a loser for having to beg and then pretty much having to just get a load off when I may as well be masturbating. Its also really demoralising because I immediately think I'm not attractive or loved any more.

When we first met this was absolutely not the case and I believe she is telling me the truth when she says there is no other real reason for it apart from mismatched sex drive.

Its really scary to think that this could be as good as it gets now. Sex is really important for me, and I dont mind if I have a higher sex drive as long as the sex that we do have is intimate and mutually satisfying.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I could try to kickstart things? Am I doing something wrong?


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

The usual questions...... How old are you, how long together, any kids & how much sex do you have or want? Oh yea and does she orgasm?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

How about the cuddling, talking, truth, etc that she's asking for? Is she getting those things to the extent that she desires?


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## pogopete (May 23, 2012)

Im mid 30s. she's mid 40s, going on menopause. 2 kids under 10.
I would love daily but I could handle 1-2 times a week.

She can orgasm though nowadays its rare because I'm not getting the opportunity to get her there and because her goal is not for her benefit only mine. I used to get her to orgasm multiple times a session every time. Even now I could do it with sex relatively easily. Now if it was going to happen it would be manual due to the focus change and the last time would have to have been over a year ago.


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## pogopete (May 23, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> How about the cuddling, talking, truth, etc that she's asking for? Is she getting those things to the extent that she desires?


She seems to be.. She isn't untruthful to me and isn't giving other reasons for this apart from her just having a lack of drive. Its not impossible and I can try and dig here some more.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

hormonal changes while in perimenopause?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Menopause could be a concern

She should also see her MD and get the hormone levels checked

Chore sex really sucks!


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## pogopete (May 23, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Menopause could be a concern
> 
> She should also see her MD and get the hormone levels checked
> 
> Chore sex really sucks!


God damn you are right. I mean, from her perspective its better for me than none, but its almost embarrassing from my side. 
I'll float the idea of the MD. She's very natural therapy focussed so I don't know how well this will go, but I'll give it a try.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I have the same problem with my wife. Menopause and kids == no sex drive.

Add to that a major distrust of doctors and you have a situation where she says it is the way nature wants women to be when they get older. So she won't even try discussing it with a doctor.

I've floated the idea of an MD etc. and it has been shot down every time. 

So I don't have a solution to offer you, but I can say you're not alone.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Try Naturopathic Physicians.
Canadian Association of Naturopathic Doctors
American Association of Naturopathic Physicians

Careful though, there are many incompetents.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I have the same problem with my wife. Menopause and kids == no sex drive.
> 
> Add to that a major distrust of doctors and you have a situation where she says it is the way nature wants women to be when they get older. So she won't even try discussing it with a doctor.
> 
> ...


Shaggy,

That comment of hers about "nature wanting it this way" is pure BS!


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Toffer should we give him one of the T-shirts? Pogopete start with the mens section, Athols "married mans sex primer" and read about "no more mr.nice guy" maybe the problem is you (not saying it is, but you have to rule that out as well)) make yourself the best you possible...will make you feel much better about yourself...
Sorry you are here, same boat my friend...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Toffer said:


> Shaggy,
> 
> That comment of hers about "nature wanting it this way" is pure BS!


I agree 100%
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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