# Wife orgasms in seconds then clams up totally leaving me unsatisfied



## heath (Jan 1, 2013)

After 7 years of marriage our sex life is definitely below average with a frequency about once a week. When we do, it is pretty traditional but she orgasms very very quickly, often before I have finished. This is great but she then clams up totally and I cannot get to finish.

She clearly feels bad about this and tries to let me reenter to finish but finds it painful so I obviously stop. She does not offer or try to help me finish in any other way. 

How unusual is it for a woman to clam up instantly after orgasm? Is there anything we can do to improve this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She clams up vaginally after an orgasm? I've never heard of this. 

Is she having orgasms from penetration within seconds?


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## keethytheseeker (Dec 1, 2012)

It takes my wife about five minutes to orgasm. She will then happily masturbate me or let me look at her vagina while I masturbate. Ask your wife if she will do this.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Heath, I have a couple of questions for you: 

1. Are you pleasuring her orally or manually first? If so, what would happen if you started with intercourse and skipped the foreplay? 

2. Have you tried positions that provide less direct stimulation for her? 

3. Maybe TMI here, but would she consider finishing you with a BJ or anal? 

4. Has she seen a doc over her pain? There's a condition that does result in "clamping down" and making intercourse very painful. I think it's called vaginismus - and it can be treated sometimes using gradually increasing sizes of "toys" on a regimen.


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## heath (Jan 1, 2013)

Yes, she orgasms very quickly and clams up totally immediately thereafter. The timeframe to reach orgasm is not always seconds long and is sometimes quite prolonged so we arrive together most of the time. It is probably 20-30% of the time when she orgasms too quickly and I need to catch up double time or miss out for the week.

She has always had a problem with this, even Pap smears and other gynae checks have always been very painful for her. She does have endometriosis which may be a factor?

We always do a bit of foreplay but she will not allow me to touch her vagina. Can't skip the foreplay though because she won't be ready. We have tried a few different positions and have experienced this with all of them. I am not too concerned with the fact that she orgasms quickly but more the clamming up. 

Finishing with a bj would never ever happen. A BJ after a shower happens twice a year. I have had 1 handjob in all our years and her disgust was so palpable, I actually never want another.

Thanks for the advice, next step is to see the doc I guess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

heath said:


> Finishing with a bj would never ever happen. A BJ after a shower happens twice a year. I have had 1 handjob in all our years and her disgust was so palpable, I actually never want another.


You've got a problem with your wife that has nothing whatsoever to do with medical problems or clammy vaginas.

Your wife refuses to pleasure you with something as simple as a handjob or a blowjob after she's been satisfied.

You don't even question it other than to say "she finds it disgusting [to put her hands or mouth on my ****].

There are serious issues here.

Its time to face them and you don't need a medical copay to do that much.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

sharkeey said:


> You've got a problem with your wife that has nothing whatsoever to do with medical problems or clammy vaginas.
> 
> Your wife refuses to pleasure you with something as simple as a handjob or a blowjob after she's been satisfied.
> 
> ...



I think this is more selfishness during sex than anything medical, too.

Time to seriously re-evaluate your sexual boundaries with your wife, OP...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe go to a sex therapist with her?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

When I give oral to my wife, it takes her 5 - 15 minutes to orgasm. Almost immediately after her orgasming, she grabs me and makes me be in her, wraps her legs and hands around my butt and wants me to go in her. Extremely lubricated, fantastic actually, much more than just some hand stimulation and missionary first.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Like a lot of other on here your wife just does not want sexshe is doing her bit to make you happy and keep her off for awhile,the clammy thing is just an excuse.I would think more of it until you talked about [HJ/BJs and not being able to touch her Vagina. 

If you want to go with the clammy thing then how about [lube] it works wonder and keeps things nice and slick. 

I do agre with EleGirl and say she needs some therapy.


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## finebyme72 (Jul 12, 2011)

Not surprising. My wife is the same way (or was). After she orgasms, she has no interest in sex as she said she is too tight. She would normally let me finish myself while looking at her.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

keethytheseeker said:


> It takes my wife about five minutes to orgasm. She will then happily masturbate me or let me look at her vagina while I masturbate. Ask your wife if she will do this.


Yeah but if you ask her this, don't word it the somewhat strange way it's written in the post above.

"Honey will you let me look at your vagina while I masturbate?"

I don't know.. seems rather.. odd.

As compared to. "ok baby you had yours, now I'm going to rub my d-ick against your VJ until I cum all over it".


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## heath (Jan 1, 2013)

Its been a while since my last post...I've been busy trying some of your good advice. Thank you so much for the encouragement to start this journey. I want to try to fix his without counseling and am making progress. 

We have been on an Island holiday and I gently but assertively started discussing my dissatisfaction with our sex life an her mental blocks. This was very difficult for her to accept/understand but I stuck to my guns that the infrequency and prudishness was unacceptable. 

She has started making a very real effort to increase frequency and initiate. Got 2 HJ's (one which got her so hot that he needed me to finish inside her). I also got some oral as part of foreplay one night (God knows I needed that). I think that my mindset has been wrong since the beginning, I thought that if I am extremely kind, gentle and never ask for more that I know she will be comfortable with that she will open up sexually...boy was I wrong. 

I have started asserting myself more and actively trying to open her up to a more normal sexual relationship. She seems to be happy to explore but still has some deeply rooted inhibitions (wont let me touch breasts unless close to orgasm, can't touch anywhere else really. Not a chance in hell of me kissing/sucking body...etc). She still orgasms but clams up immediately after. 

My question is how do I maintain and further expand on our newfound sexual openness without making it stressful/creepy for my wife? 

She's had a very conservative religious background and its clear that I will have to unwrap her slowly and gently. How do you suggest I do this?


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

heath said:


> I gently but assertively started discussing my dissatisfaction with our sex life an her mental blocks. This was very difficult for her to accept/understand but I stuck to my guns that the infrequency and prudishness was unacceptable.


Why not keep trying this, and maybe counseling. Her background sounds like it maybe the problem. But you are her husband and she should be able to relax with you. I know some women do not like OS but at least helping you with a HJ is all she needs to do.

Have to explained to her how much you enjoy her doing that and how satisfying it is as well as fun?


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## heath (Jan 1, 2013)

Forgot to mention that I am full of compliments and really encourage every thing that she is doing. My plan is to continue taking small and slow steps in the right direction. 

A big goal of mine is to get her to start talking about what she wants and likes sexually. I have asked but she wont open up. Tried a sexy text but got no response. 

I am looking for practical steps that may work and ideas on what to do/ say and how to do it....also what NOT to do/say. I am afraid of pushing too hard and coming across as a sex maniac. Also need to guard against my natural inclination of backing off in order to make her comfortable, hereby going back to square1.


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## heath (Jan 1, 2013)

Code - she does trust me totally but you're right on the background creating a formidable barrier. One which I will thoroughly enjoy working through one inch at a time. 

She is very much aware of how much I appreciate what she is doing...I sometimes feel that I go overboard with making this known to her. Is too much of this bad?

I will take your advice and keep asserting my core point whilst coming up with fun ways to peel away the inhibitions.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Sounds to me like you have a good start on things


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Do not back off, slowly, but steadily forward.

From reading all your posts, she sounds very much like someone I know who had been molested as a child. That, combined with the conservative upbringing, where sex is viewed as shameful and secretive, she appears to be ashamed of her own arousal and response. Hence the desire to push you away once she has climaxed. Not that I recommend you ask her about this, if it's true she won't disclose unless until she's ready and there is nothing you can do to make her ready.

But, as an adult, she also knows that sex is normal, natural and pleasurable so on some level she does *want* to have a pleasurable sex live with her husband. She's just afraid, and she can't get away from the shame.

If you let her be, that's where she'll stay. If you take her by the hand lovingly and lead the way gently, she'll follow.

There is a Christian web site regarding sex... I forget the name... Christian nympho? Something like that. Ask her to browse through the web site where they give permission and advice on fulfilling sex lives for married Christian couples. It may help her over some hurdles.


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