# Are You The "Touchy/Feely" Type or Just Don't Like to Touch?



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I would be forced to say that a great percentage of men as well as women, are the types who are rather aversive to touching others as opposed to embracing/touching others!

What type are you? There is no right or wrong answer here!

While I was raised in one of those "touchy-feely" families in the Deep South where not doing so was kind of brought into question and frowned upon, I've always erred on the side of caution.

If I don't really know someone all that well, and until such time that I do, it's usually only a handshake, a pat on the back or touch on the arm. If someone has been tragically hurt, I naturally want to hug them, but read the signals to see if they are receptive to it.

With my family(Mom, Dad, Siblings, GF/GM, Aunts/Uncles, Cousins) however, we we're a hugging and more cohesive bunch.

Got two college aged sons who tell me that that type of behavior is archaic. Dad just tells them to get used to it until such time that I decide to quit breathing air. I also tell them that when they have kids of their own and they still feel that way, I'll leave them alone!

Occupationally, if one of my officiating crew cohorts makes an outstanding call, or puts an unruly coach in his place, on the field in front of the public I'll say "Attaboy!" to myself, but after the game, I'll give them a "high-five" and a big hug for a job well done!

Just wondered if the age-old Southern tradition of being "touchy/feely" is slowly dying out!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Touchy/feely with someone I'm close to
Territorial with my space with everybody else


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Both my H and myself are very touchy feely; especially with each other. That is our love language. I'm also just as much words of affirmation too. 

But we both hug people, kiss on cheek etc etc. The only male my H kiss on cheek are his brother and father though


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

With my wife I'm touchy & feely all the time.

However with others it depends on how close we are, even with extended family.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I'm more on touchy feely side with som caution.



arbitrator said:


> While I was raised in one of those "touchy-feely" families in the Deep South where not doing so was kind of brought into question and frowned upon, I've always erred on the side of caution.
> 
> *I general me too, except in Europe I tend to err on the touchy side. Most german business partners that I have known a few years and I only see once a year get a hug (male and female).
> *
> ...


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Not touchy feelly at all.

I will clarify; it can be difficult for me to be touch or hug most anyone. The longer I have known you the easier it gets, but not easy. Even with my wife, it can feel uncomfortable to cuddle up next to each other on the couch. Touch in public, not good at that.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm not touchy feely at all.I have to remind myself to be affectionate.I love how it feels once I do it.It's just remembering that I like it and remembering to do it that can become troublesome.It's getting better though,becoming more of a habit for me so it appears natural instead of basically setting a reminder in my brain "you haven't hugged SO in an hour,time to put your arm around him or squeeze his hand" "it has been 3 hours since you kissed SO,you should probably do something about that"

lol it DOES get easier.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I am not touchy-feely with friends - I don't hug every time we say hello like some people do. I love holding hands and being affectionate with a man in my life but am shy about initiating touch until I feel very comfortable with them.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

My H is not touchy-feely at all but I am. Fortunately, he enjoys my touch and is good about remembering to be more so with me as well.

I also work with a lot of huggers!


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Bubble boy here... I do not like people in my space. My wife and family I allow, but there are limits before it is 'uncomfortable' and awkward. I don't like huggers...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Touchy/feely with someone I'm close to
> Territorial with my space with everybody else


Same with me.

I am very affectionate with my daughters. One of my daughters is just as affectionate and my other daughter is much less so but I still make sure she gets lots of hugs and kisses even if she isn't very receptive. I am affectionate with children in general. Any event we go to with lots of kids and I tend to end up having them hang all over me. Don't know why that's true with me and not other adults. I guess I'm just a big kid at heart.

I used to be very affectionate with my wife but I am much less so with all the problems in our marriage. There is a disconnect I am trying to force myself to overcome. I've been told I'm a very good kisser, give great hugs and awesome back rubs  My wife's nickname for me for years was ... "snuggle bunny" ... and I earned it.

I am "bro" affectionate with close male friends, verbally and physically.

I am uncomfortable with affection with anybody I don't have a close relationship with. I tend to put my walls up as far as touching with people I don't know very well. I think people would have a hard time knowing I am an affectionate person unless they know me very well.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Outside of my spouse, I'm normally affectionate with my oldest son, family, some close friends and church members, and officiating crew, greatly provided that they are receptive and open to it.

Oldest sons GF, who is only 20, ran up and hugged me the very first time I met her! And we've done so ever since. Glad that boy got tied up with a hugger! 

Youngest son, however, seems to shun affection and I don't really try to force it on him! I richly blame that on his mother, who also didn't like physical touch or affection, claiming that it was just the way that she was raised way up North.

STBXW, hailing from the Lone Star State, is normally a touch-feely
person, greatly provided that she's not seeing her other men behind my back!


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## wanttofix (Jun 4, 2013)

I don't like being touched very much unless im 100% comfortable with them. If its just a friend or someone I know, I get the willies and it feels weird, maybe even hurts. I don't know how to really describe it.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I have always been a touchy / feely sort.

I like to greet my wife and children with a cuddle and a kiss on the check, my father / siblings with a hug, my male friends with a slap on the back, female friends are likely to get a hug and a peck on the check. 

With strangers / co-workers it’s a hand shake until you know them better. When I used to play more team sports (getting to old now) it was high fives and fist pumps.

I do have a "personal space bubble" but that only seems to come into play if I feel threatened.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

My husband definitely loves affection and touch. 

I appreciate touch too...outside of my husband - hugs and cuddles, holding onto his arm, holding hands etc, hugs are shared between friends, high-fives and fist pumps with work colleagues. I'm aware of anothers body language though so while this is my nature, I recognize that type of interaction isn't for everyone. 

One of my 9-lives was experienced as a massage therapist, giving touch in a healing/nurturing and remedial way. And in turn, I needed regular massages myself and appreciate the benefits - of not just massage therapy but touch in general. My husband loves when I massage him and relaxes instantly. 

I didn't grow up in a family that was touchy-feely.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

With my hubby I'm touchy& feely but with family I'm not at all, on fact I find it quite hard to be touched and kissed on the cheeks... 
What can I say about strangers?! They are a big NO


I did grow up on a family that wasn't touchy& feely


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I was rarely touched /hugged/ when living with my dad & step Mom.... I don't recall them doing hugs with relatives or anything -unless another initiated... but they were very close with each other (touchy feely I'm sure). Even my mother wasn't this type...So I wasn't all that used to it - except maybe from my Grandma and an Aunt...

Then when I met my Boyfriend/ now husband......HE WAS...and I swear this UPPED something in me..... this held my affection for him, his touch always made me feel wanted, special, loved......he was a hand holder, arms around me, if my head was anywhere in the vicinity, his fingers would be through it...can I say... I LOVED this....what a delight! 

Before him, me & my best GF would scratch each others backs.....so it was IN ME.. I just didn't understand it or know what I needed.

So getting the boyfriend set the stage for learning just how Touchy Feely I was....or what I enjoyed. His immediate family was so-so... it came mostly from his dad's side...a bunch of close knit Italians who will grab you & squeeze the air out, big huggers ...you could see them coming for you...... none of this ever bothered me... this always made me feel very WELCOMED into the family. 

But I've never been one to initiate this with another...I am only receptive to it. (Except our kids....very huggy with them, daughter crawls up close to dad watching movies...we want this to remain "natural" - not get awkward. 

Though I am very funny about even getting a massage from someone other than my husband... I am just not comfortable...we just toured a Spa resort days ago...and honestly...I wouldn't have any interest...but I "over the top" love it /crave it and am very thankful I am married to one who IS "touchy Feely".


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## Snow cherry (Apr 24, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Partner and Son - Very touchy feely

Close friends and family - Hug hello / goodbye

Acquaintances and strangers - I like my space


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Regardless of who the people are in my life, whether they are family or just close friends, I always seem to respect their desire for space, and will greatly adhere to their overt reactions regarding being touched. 

If I've hugged them or slapped them on the back at some previous time, and subsequently have received some form of "negative feedback" from them regarding that act, then it is highly unlikely that I would ever try it again, unless they had a concerted change of heart about it by hugging me first.

In essence, I just guess that I'm all too respectful of the feelings of other people about doing this.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Regardless of who the people are in my life, whether they are family or just close friends, I always seem to respect their desire for space, and will greatly adhere to their overt reactions regarding being touched.
> 
> If I've hugged them or slapped them on the back at some previous time, and subsequently have received some form of "negativite feedback" from them regarding that act, then it is highly unlikely that I would ever try it again, unless they had a concerted change of heart about it by hugging me first.
> 
> In essence, I just guess that I'm all too respectful of the feelings of other people about doing this.


:iagree: When I offered to hug my 40 something year old nephew, and the 'charmer' responded "Why the hell would I want a hug from YOU?" I decided to leave Mr Nasty Pants out of any future family hugs


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Touch is wonderful. I didn't grow up in an overly touchy-feely family, but we weren't averse to it at all. My dad use to kiss us close to the mouth, and we hugged each other after not seeing one another for awhile.

But I'm much more touchy-feely than my family growing up. I show physical and emotional affection very easily with my wife and my very best friend (If you've ever seen _Scrubs_ we're pretty much real life JD and Turk). I hug ALL my close friends, male or female, when greeting them. Some I kiss. It's completely natural to me to place a hand on a shoulder of even someone I'm not uber close to, if they seem open. I tell the people who are closest to my heart/soul that I love them, and I tell them regularly. If you're not comfortable with affection and expression, you're not going to be particularly close to me. 

Having said that I don't just go around throwing affection on everyone. I take cues from people about their personal space, and only those who are really, truly close to me know just how expressive I can be.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I grew up where touching/hugging were just as natural as breathing. I used to hug all my friends, both sexes. 

Then one day I hugged a gal who I thought was a friend and found out later she was telling people I felt her up. No effing way. So I withdrew from hugging anyone but the people closest to me who I trust (male or female -- it's a love thing not a sex thing). And I only touch when I am feeling a lot of empathy/sympathy for someone close.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

doubletrouble said:


> I grew up where touching/hugging were just as natural as breathing. I used to hug all my friends, both sexes.
> 
> Then one day I hugged a gal who I thought was a friend and found out later she was telling people I felt her up. No effing way. So I withdrew from hugging anyone but the people closest to me who I trust (male or female -- it's a love thing not a sex thing). And I only touch when I am feeling a lot of empathy/sympathy for someone close.


And I'll bet that that gal is no longer on your friends list! And while her actions may have affected you adversely, never let it change what's truly in your heart!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

doubletrouble said:


> I grew up where touching/hugging were just as natural as breathing. I used to hug all my friends, both sexes.
> 
> Then one day I hugged a gal who I thought was a friend and found out later she was telling people I felt her up. No effing way. So I withdrew from hugging anyone but the people closest to me who I trust (male or female -- it's a love thing not a sex thing). And I only touch when I am feeling a lot of empathy/sympathy for someone close.


Some people are ridiculous....like this friend.... reading all of THAT into your hugging her .... I've never done this with friends... unless one might reach too far for the buns...or another hot spot... I can't even recall that EVER happening...

We just got back from visiting friends who moved hours away.... The husband hugged me, my husband, the wife... the daughters (alot of hugging going on before we jumped in the Burb)... when the older son came for me, he was squeezing me and wouldn't let go (seriously)....

... Dad was saying his name over & over to let go _____.... ha ha ....(he is Autistic and gets a little carried away)....it was kinda funny.

My Friend sent me a message saying her daughter & husband even shed some tears after we left... sure they've made new friends but it's just not the same, too many memories between us....We were touched by that. 

We have another Guy friend who hugs my husband and me near every time he leaves our house.. some men on this forum would think that is inappropriate... but heck, he's like a piece of furniture, a brother I never had.. known him for 20 + yrs...


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> We have another Guy friend who hugs my husband and me near every time he leaves our house.. some men on this forum would think that is inappropriate... but heck, he's like a piece of furniture, a brother I never had.. known him for 20 + yrs...


I just went out with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile...who is a female...to a movie...alone...and she kissed me on the cheek when she greeted me!


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