# Husband had a long term affair



## Kcat777 (Jul 23, 2017)

Hi, I am new here. Just looking for support. My hubs had affair with same woman for 10 plus years. I was clueless because he hid it very well.
I stayed home taking care of the house and the children. He paid all the bills and took care of financials. 
He told me about the other woman a few months ago. He said that men were made to have more than one woman. This is why there is so much divorce.
He looked at this woman as another wife in his life. His way of justification.
We are still together, and she is slowly going away. He is depressed and wants her to live with us.
My life is upside down right now with so many emotional feelings. has anyone gone through anything like this??
we love each other very much, he just fell in love with someone else too.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Am I hearing this right? He wants her to live with you both??? Is he referring to polygamy or something? 

For now, please worry about yourself and your children. Don't do the pick-me dance. It'll only shred any sense of self-worth you have left.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Kcat777 said:


> Hi, I am new here. Just looking for support. My hubs had affair with same woman for 10 plus years. I was clueless because he hid it very well.
> I stayed home taking care of the house and the children. He paid all the bills and took care of financials.
> He told me about the other woman a few months ago. He said that men were made to have more than one woman. This is why there is so much divorce.
> He looked at this woman as another wife in his life. His way of justification.
> ...


Your husband is full of ****. Sorry. If I were you I would work on being financially sufficient so you can keep your options open. I'm sorry this happens to you.


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## Kcat777 (Jul 23, 2017)

Yes, He thinks he will be happy having us both under his roof. We both (she and I ) said no.
point blank, she just wants my husband for her own. He doesn't see why it is illogical, just because it is not the society norm.This mess is all I think about
day and night. It is just crazy and I cannot believe this is my life. I have four children to try to take care of, plus myself, plus trying to restore my marriage.
I guess he felt last on the list, but I had to take care of the children all these years. I thought we were content and happy.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

OMGoodness.. There is no way I would want another woman to live in my house.. I would not tolerate that. Hopefully she will be gone for good. Is your husband getting the help he needs? If you both love each other and are able to forgive, MC could help with repairing the marriage.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If you're his wife you must be keeping him pretty worn out. How does he possibly have time for someone else?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## karr99 (Jun 28, 2017)

Kcat777 said:


> Yes, He thinks he will be happy having us both under his roof. We both (she and I ) said no.
> point blank, she just wants my husband for her own. He doesn't see why it is illogical, just because it is not the society norm.This mess is all I think about
> day and night. It is just crazy and I cannot believe this is my life. I have four children to try to take care of, plus myself, plus trying to restore my marriage.
> I guess he felt last on the list, but I had to take care of the children all these years. I thought we were content and happy.


Ask him if it's ok for you to have another husband too, if he says no then he's a selfish idiot. The idiot OW won't be the only one for him if you leave, there'll be another one. Remember your husband himself said that one is not enough for him. 
I'm very sorry that you're here. Take care of yourself and your children first.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

You can always have him served with Divorce papers to get his attention. Watch his response to that. Will tell you everything. 

You can always put the Divorce on hold or cancel the proceedings altogether based on that - or - continue the D.

Get an STD test. Your H and the skank may be dirty.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Kcat777 said:


> Hi, I am new here. Just looking for support. My hubs had affair with same woman for 10 plus years. I was clueless because he hid it very well.
> I stayed home taking care of the house and the children. He paid all the bills and took care of financials.
> He told me about the other woman a few months ago. He said that men were made to have more than one woman. This is why there is so much divorce.
> He looked at this woman as another wife in his life. His way of justification.
> ...


Ask him if you can bring home boyfriends too.

How old are your kids?

Time for you to get your ducks in a row, see a lawyer, he will have to financially support you and kids anyhow.

Expose his affair to everyone, family, friends, etc. Expose her too, is she married? 
I would let him have her, kick him out of the house, kids will grow up eventually, time for you to move on and meet someone decent.
It sounds like you neglected your husband due to household responsibilities, (no excuse) but his solution was to get another woman:surprise: instead of ask for MC, etc.

Getting past a 10 year affair will be very difficult if not impossible, dump him, it will never be worth the pain and misery to keep a man who is so duplicitous.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Tell you completely clueless husband that the OW can come and stay with you only if she has died from multiple gunshots, and then only if your husband is forced to sleep with her corpse every night in a bed in front of a window with the drapes open and a sign in front of the house explaining the situation. 

My suggestion is less insane than what your husbands version of reality btw.

Tamat


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Why are you trying to restore your marriage? You can't restore something that only one person wants to restore -- he clearly doesn't want your marriage the way it was. He wants a harem of two.

The only thing I would be "restoring" is your maiden name and making his ass single again. Let them have each other--you've been deceived for 10 years and deserve far better than this.

Get a lawyer and file for divorce.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

The OP's H clearly does understand that reasons for marriage. Get a divorce and let him have the open marriage of his dreams. This guy is a certified nut case.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Kcat777 said:


> Hi, I am new here. Just looking for support. My hubs had affair with same woman for 10 plus years. I was clueless because he hid it very well.
> I stayed home taking care of the house and the children. He paid all the bills and took care of financials.
> He told me about the other woman a few months ago. *He said that men were made to have more than one woman.* that's a bunch of baloney to justify his lack of
> commitment
> ...


 well, things happen and sometimes life is messy. i wish you the best, but don't sell your soul.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Regarding moving his "honey-hole" into the house? I would fastly say, "Hell to the No!"

Get yourself to a good family attorney's office and be appropriately appraised of your legal, custodial, and property rights!

Bring his GF home to roost? He's got more than a damned screw loose!*


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

Do his parents and siblings know about this yet?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Kcat777 said:


> we love each other very much, he just fell in love with someone else too.


LOL if you believe this. He loves you like he loves his favorite couch. There when he needs it and comfortable to use as he sees fit.

Your husband's an ass. Why do you lack self respect? File for divorce and move on. Your entire marriage IS a sham. Not all men are pigs.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Your husband doesn't love you. The guy wanted YOU to accept having his GF live in the same house with you and your kids... having sex with her, while you sleep or try to sleep in the next room. That is not love.

Start the divorce today, if you can.

None of his actions is about you or even the other woman. By his own standards - he WILL NOT change. 

So, your choices are:
Divorce him.
Stay with him, and live with it... having a fake relationship with him, no trust. Always cheating on you - forever.
Stay with him, and welcome future GF's in his life - but why not bring in other guys into yours?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He doesn't love you.

He doesn't even respect you.

Would he expect his daughter to settle for half of her husband? I think not.

Time to pack his bags.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Kcat777 said:


> Hi, I am new here. Just looking for support. My hubs had affair with same woman for 10 plus years. I was clueless because he hid it very well.
> I stayed home taking care of the house and the children. He paid all the bills and took care of financials.
> He told me about the other woman a few months ago. He said that men were made to have more than one woman. This is why there is so much divorce.
> He looked at this woman as another wife in his life. His way of justification.
> ...


One of the things that you'll never get passed is all the dishonesty. If he felt justified, then he should have had no problem telling you about his need for another wife ten years ago.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

OMG divorce him!! He does not love or respect you, and if you stay, that shows that YOU dont respect you either!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

How do two people with such different mentalities live together as husband and wife? They don't. They can't.

He is ALL about him. I bet that your pain isn't even an afterthought to him. He's the central character in a drama that revolves around him. You are just one element in his supporting cast.

He has declared himself married to two women for 10 long years. You had no say in this. You DO, however, have a say in how you go forward.

Divorce this ass. He's the type who will get old and require serious caretaking and you will be on the hook. Let her have him. He's a booby prize. Let her take him.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He also thinks you're a weak moron (sorry) who is so desperate to keep him that she will let him treat her like garbage (telling you about OW) and still ask him what she can do to make him happy.

And you are REINFORCING this notion because you didn't immediately say "I will not share you, if you don't stop all contact with her immediately, I will be divorcing you." 

THAT would make him respect you.


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