# 7 year itch??



## terbears (Oct 26, 2009)

Out of no where my husband of 7 years told me just 6 days ago he "does not feel the same way about me"
He has since been really cold, distance. ignorant of my feelings, asked for space. 
We have 2 childen 4 and 10 months. 
I dont even recoginze him anymore! 
He has HUGE bad things going on with his business, and I think he may be depressed, or the 7 year itch? 

He has shut me out, and his Mom cant seem to talk to him. He is not talking about any of this with any of his friends (that I am aware of)

I am going and think he may too go to an emergency counselling tonight and I am NERVOUS. hes not himself so its like going with a stranger. But I am glad we are doing this part anyways.
I am so sick, not eatting and find it hard to look after the kids who are now being affected as well!
Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

I asked him to leave since he does not want me and the kids leaving the house (like I want to). He said he would but did not lst night. This morning he was really rude to me and I told him to LEAVE!!! I put my foot down adn was tired of (just the last couple of days) being put down and blamed!

I hope and pray we can work this out, never in a million years did I see this coming! I knew he was unhappy with his business but never thought/think it was/is me. 

Thanks!
T


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Someone else? 

Business going poorly certainly can make someone want to disconnect. What's going on there?

Good luck with counseling.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

The counseling is a good idea...it can't hurt and maybe it will help get to the bottom of this. I think the best thing right now is space. You are confused and lost, some chance that he might be as well. If it is stress at the workplace sooner or later he might realize that just having you and the kids can balance that stress. I think space right now.


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

Please make sure you are going to see a pro-marriage therapist. That is very important. Otherwise they might tell you that they will help you to separate or divorce.


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## terbears (Oct 26, 2009)

*Depression?!*

So went went for a free one session counselling last night. 
Man did I feel sick! It was aweful!
But in the end good (I guess)
We filled out a survey before going in.
Went in, First thing the counsellor said was lets discuss your goals for the night.
Mine was to communicate better and know there is still hope.
His was to make it clear!
OUCH, that was like a smack in the face!
Things went on, he was being asked alot of questions and really opening up. He went on to say that he is LOST, stressed with work. He said he has been feeling unhappy for years! I knew he was unhappy with work and life stresses which I tried to fully support, NEVER did I think I had anything to do with it. But wants to make it clear that he does not have feelings for me anymore. The counsellor thanked him for being so open but questioned why the answers on his survery dont match with what he was saying. (He wrote everything was great 5/5 for mood and everything)
He later went on to say he would get a small apartment through work and that he wants me and the kids to stay where we are, and he will continue to support us. (We live in a very expensive home that we can barely afford now! Together)
He said maybe the space he would see if he loves me or not? 
Again, 2 different answers. 
Hope or no hope? 
What do I do?
In the end the Professionals suggested conselling for him, and gave him a sheet on Depression in men and asked him to see a Doctor.
This is so hard.
I am hanging on beleiveing that if he sees our Doctor, gets help for his depression (which I have been suggesting for years) and gets counselling to help talk about all these things he bottles up, perhaps just perhaps he could fall back in love with me or better yet, maybe realize it was never me, and that he does love me!
We have 2 children 4 and 11 months. My 4 year old has caught on to things and it breaks my heart!!!
I dont know how this all happened, but please help?!


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

Wow. I have been in your shoes!

My husband was dealing with a lot of stress at work and seemed stressed out in general. Turns out he was stressed out with me. 

He suggested counseling but had already told me he thought divorce was our best option. Our counselor asked for our goals for counseling. My goals were to communicate and work on our marriage (sounds familiar). My H's goals were to keep things friendly while getting a divorce. 

We only made it to one session of counseling. It's hard to work on a marriage when only one person wants to work on it. I've learned this the hard way as my H filed for divorce 2 weeks later.

Just remember that you are the most important person in this relationship. Give your H the space he may need but make sure he clearly knows your needs/goals. 

Good luck.


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## terbears (Oct 26, 2009)

he says now he wants to work. I am just so hurt now, I just dont see any hope! How can this happen like this so quickly?


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

terbears I am so sorry to hear of yet another family going through this - some people 'blindside' the other partner - this is what has happened to you in this case. That's why it has happened so 'quickly'. Some people keep their feelings hidden. There is hope - do you now mean he is saying that he wants the relationship to work? - that's hopeful...keep posting on this forum and read thorugh some posts when you have the time - there is loads of great advice but more importantly so much support - so that you don't feel alone! 
take care of yourself


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