# Lingere didn't work...



## DandiKitKat (Feb 3, 2011)

Hi all,

So my husband & I have been together for 5 years & we're 24. In the beginning and all the way up until about 3 months ago, we used to have sex everyday. He told me once that he "needs" to get laid everyday, which was fine by me. 

He used to go down on me every other time we had sex & almost always initaited it. Unfortuantely, I fell into the habit of letting him do these things & not really initiating anything or giving him bjs often at all. 

So about 3 months ago he slowed WAY down, barely giving me oral & only initiating like 3 times a week. I know that is a lot for some people, but for us it is scarce. Also, I know that he often watches some pretty kinky porn, which I am fine with, except that he isn't having sex with me as often, so I am worried.

I recognized that there was a problem & thought maybe it was because of my lack of initiation, so I started to iniatiate more often, but it didn't seem to help the problem. 

Then the other night, I got the balls to wear some lingere & call him up to the room while our roomate & another friend were still downstairs. We had had a few drinks in us & I started to kiss him & he kind of pushed me away & said "I'm sorry babe, I'm just really not in the mood." Well that pissed me right off & I've been upset since. 

He said that it was because he was too drunk & that he wasn't ready to go to bed yet with our friends downstairs. I've tried to talk to him about what's going on to no avail. He has a hard time talking about deep things, especially if it involves something that I may not like to hear. 

He also said that if our sex life is slowing down it's not because he isn't attracted to me, it's just that our relationship is more than just sex & he is starting to value the other aspects of it more than sex. To me, this sounds like the kiss of death...

I don't know what he is really thinking and & think he will never tell me because he's afraid. I don't know what to do. I am embarrassed to try anything sexy again because of getting shut down like that. 

Any insights?


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

How's your weight? Have you been attentive to his emotional needs? Is he spending more time away from home? Do you ask him about things in his life?


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## DandiKitKat (Feb 3, 2011)

We actually have kind of a unique home/work situation. We are entrepenuers & have a small farm at home that we both work at. Needless to say, we are always around each other. Sometimes this causes problems, but we try to spend enough time apart so we don't get on each other's nerves. 

I don't know how else to put this but I am very fit & curvy & good looking. That's another reason that I'm so confused...

We talk often about life & how we are feeling, etc...It always seems to be me with the "issues" and feelng the ups & downs and our relationship to him is always on a steady plane. I guess I am an over-analytical woman like most of us & often get very upset for days or weeks only to realize that I am making a huge deal out of nothing & he doesn't even know why I'm upset. 

I try to get him to talk but it's hard for him. He grew up in a very bad environment & learned to keep his thoughts to himself. It's really hard to get him to open up. He won't consider counseling (not marriage, but for himself due to his emoitional issues) although he is willing to admit that they exist. 

What are the chances that he really just doesn't need sex that often anymore? We're so young, so it's just hard for me to grasp this idea, especially since my libido is only growing. The lingere thing still baffles me. He did have quite a few drinks in him & friends downstairs, but how could that not have turned him on?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

My initial thoughts;
You had friends over. Bad timing.

After drinking, I am not usually up to my best performance, so I usually wait. I don't want a "quickie" or to not be able to finish.

After you allowed your sex life to dwindle to the point that he had to do everything, he may not be exactly happy with you right now. Be patient and woo him back into the bed.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)




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## Camper (Feb 26, 2011)

Something similar happened to me when I was young...I was in your husband's shoes. It was with a GF not my wife... I would make love to my GF everyday, for like two years, then one day I didn't feel like it. I was so confused! She was confused. It caused SO much trouble in our relationship. Looking back now I realize my biology just slowed down. It was a natural chemical thing, not a love, lust or emotional thing. Maybe it nothing, just the natural course of events?

Friends over + drinking = bad timing


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## DandiKitKat (Feb 3, 2011)

Thanks for all the replys!

It's always kind of a slap in the face when more than one person tells you're wrong about something. But they're always right, and you all were...

I had to bite the bullet & realize I was overreacting. I talked to him about this, and he told me that he infact honestly _was_ too drunk to do it, and didn't want to leave his friends downstairs. He also told me that recently, he as been avoiding sex because I told him that the longer we're together, the more "shy" I am in bed. He said that was a turn off and he didn't want me to have to be shy around him. 

That is a whole other can of worms, the shy thing. But anyhow our sex life has come full circle to the way it used to be and almost better than before. I guess I just need to poke & prod at him to tell me what's up before I start overanalyzing everything & jumping to conclusions. 

Anyhow, we aren't perfect & often have problems to deal with, so I'm sure I'll be back on here in another category with q's. 

Thanks again all!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I agree with the others. I don't think any man performs well when he's drunk. For me, drunk sex would be ok if I didn't care much about my partner, but I wouldn't want to be a lousy lay for my wife.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

DanF said:


> My initial thoughts;
> You had friends over. Bad timing.
> 
> After drinking, I am not usually up to my best performance, so I usually wait. I don't want a "quickie" or to not be able to finish.
> ...


I agree. Don't view this as a particularly bad problem now, but something that should be dealt with before it gets worse. Don't take one "rejection" because of "whiskey d!ck" get you down -- sometimes dudes really aren't in the mood. It happens. Even to HD guys. Sounds a little more like bad timing.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

DandiKitKat said:


> Thanks for all the replys!
> 
> It's always kind of a slap in the face when more than one person tells you're wrong about something. But they're always right, and you all were...
> 
> ...




While I'm glad the initial issue is dealt with, I'd encourage you to continue mixing it up to keep things fresh. A few suggestions:

1. You live on a farm. Wake him up like there's some issue to deal with in the middle of the night, lead him out to a field (assuming you're not pig farmers -- ick) and hump him lustily in the soil. The shower afterwards alone would be worth it!

2. Step up the oral! If he's doing you pretty consistently, then it's a safe bet that he's pining for some himself. This can be a big deal for some guys. BJs make you feel manly, appreciated, and ready to fight dragons. And twice as many as any guy gets is still about half as many as he'd like. Surprise, unsolicited oral gives you serious bonus points, too. Just make it your project this year to become the world's best fellatrix, and you won't have many other issues with your dude.

3. Shy? Try a mask or costume. Sexual shyness often revolves around self-consciousness, and using a mask can provide a symbolic level of "protection" that can be quite powerful, psychologically speaking. The key is to try to lose your inhibitions when you don the mask, since you are in effect becoming another person. And masks can be sexy: check out the double-mask scene in Spartacus . . . before they do all the head bashing. It's hot.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

I know a French Maid outfit and black stilettos would work on me anytime. If the friends were over they'd soon be leaving! Seduce him / Make him want you / Talk dirty / Dominate.


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

lol thats kinda nice compared to others here were the least u get is 3 times a week and the top is everyday with oral every other day


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> I agree with the others. I don't think any man performs well when he's drunk. For me, drunk sex would be ok if I didn't care much about my partner, but I wouldn't want to be a lousy lay for my wife.


:iagree:

That's why they call it Whisky D*%k


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

Also for some people like me Lingerie does not work!


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