# Oral sex.



## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

If oral (both sides) was the only thing she would not do I would not be Saying anything,but its not just the beginning of a long and frustrating list.as much as I like Going down on my wife.I just stopped doing it.because it is a one way street. Her Way.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Deguello said:


> If oral (both sides) was the only thing she would not do I would not be Saying anything,but its not just the beginning of a long and frustrating list.as much as I like Going down on my wife.I just stopped doing it.because it is a one way street. Her Way.
> [/QUOTE
> 
> we’re you looking for advice on something or just venting?


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

What’s the question?


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## Brian from Columbus (Dec 9, 2020)

I derive pleasure giving oral sex to my wife. I simply love the sight, sound, feel, taste, and smell of her at those special moments. It’s ok if she doesn’t reciprocate, this isn’t a contest!


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Brian from Columbus said:


> I derive pleasure giving oral sex to my wife. I simply love the sight, sound, feel, taste, and smell of her at those special moments. It’s ok if she doesn’t reciprocate, this isn’t a contest!


On the flip side, I'd feel this way about a man I was with. Well I did feel this way at one time. Now I'm single. But hoping one day to experience this kind of selfless giving. Just a perk if it's a two way street


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## Brian from Columbus (Dec 9, 2020)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> On the flip side, I'd feel this way about a man I was with. Well I did feel this way at one time. Now I'm single. But hoping one day to experience this kind of selfless giving. Just a perk if it's a two way street


you’ll enjoy that two way street very soon! You’re well-spoken, charming, fun, spirited. Any man would be blessed to enjoy a relationship with you!

I love everything about the female body. Any time is the right time, if it pleases my lover to enjoy special pleasure. Certain times of the month hormones are well-positioned. after a night “with her girls” enjoying wine may so inspire her. Right after her 10 mile runs while endorphins are flowing and the sweat hasn’t even dried yet, yes! Or just a relaxing slow oral sex session before she drifts off to sleep

I would love reciprocation to be honest. Doesn’t happen anymore at all. To relax and receive would make me feel valued. Trying to hold back and prolong the fun. The kiss afterward that “tastes and smells like me” is insanely arousing. I would love for my lover to know every special wild little secret turn on I have, and encourage her to share hers, so our intimacy is powerful


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Brian from Columbus said:


> you’ll enjoy that two way street very soon! You’re well-spoken, charming, fun, spirited. Any man would be blessed to enjoy a relationship with you!
> 
> I love everything about the female body. Any time is the right time, if it pleases my lover to enjoy special pleasure. Certain times of the month hormones are well-positioned. after a night “with her girls” enjoying wine may so inspire her. Right after her 10 mile runs while endorphins are flowing and the sweat hasn’t even dried yet, yes! Or just a relaxing slow oral sex session before she drifts off to sleep
> 
> I would love reciprocation to be honest. Doesn’t happen anymore at all. To relax and receive would make me feel valued. Trying to hold back and prolong the fun. The kiss afterward that “tastes and smells like me” is insanely arousing. I would love for my lover to know every special wild little secret turn on I have, and encourage her to share hers, so our intimacy is powerful


My wife is just the opposite, she will give but doesn't want to receive. Oh well, her loss.


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## Brian from Columbus (Dec 9, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My wife is just the opposite, she will give but doesn't want to receive. Oh well, her loss.


hmmm, possibly she is self-conscience about her naughty bits. put her at ease, assure her you love how she tastes and smells. I think giving oral sex to a woman is a beautiful bonding moment


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My wife is just the opposite, she will give but doesn't want to receive. Oh well, her loss.


So in my marriage, my husband thought he was the best at oral and I should be bowing down that he was willing to do it. 

It was so painful, harsh and rough. Any bit of direction was complaining and he literally said to me one time “the others never complained.” Doubtful. Anyway, it was a one way street for us and that was my fault according to him.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

I’m just hoping for a 10th of that in my next relationship. 


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I’m just hoping for a 10th of that in my next relationship.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I hope you get to enjoy good oral at some point.

A world of difference. It took probably 25 times for me to cross the bridge from adequate to great and outstanding, now that I guess at over 1500 times it's been very happy times for W and getting better all the time.

So it's out there. Good luck on finding someone good at it to play with.


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## alfonso_davids (5 mo ago)

Have you tried to tell your wife? My wife and I have a direct relationship, we say something to each other right away


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## DCW (6 mo ago)

My wife doesn’t like giving. She doesn’t love receiving either but occasionally accepts it. She’s been upfront from the beginning about giving. She just doesn’t like it. I can live without it (occasionally it would be nice but I can skip it for sex). I do like to give it though and wish I could twice as much as happens.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I hope you get to enjoy good oral at some point.
> 
> A world of difference. It took probably 25 times for me to cross the bridge from adequate to great and outstanding, now that I guess at over 1500 times it's been very happy times for W and getting better all the time.
> 
> So it's out there. Good luck on finding someone good at it to play with.


My wife doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like all the moisture that results. I like doing it though because I think it’s super intimate. I might suck at it but I think maybe not. I read the book on it, “She Comes First” and if she’s not liking it she’ll transition me out of it instead of pretending it’s good.

I think she has some concern it’s not clean or something or maybe even my saliva isn’t clean. No clue.

She has gotten over her aversion to the D though I am pretty sure in the last year I have had more BJs than in my entire life up to that time. She is way better at it too. I just told her what I wanted her to do and then reacted strongly to it.

That said I prefer PIV except in the shower. Sometimes she will suck me off in the shower out of nowhere and that is amazing.

One thing is she greatly prefers a vibrator to anything I can accomplish. I grabbed one from the nightstand yesterday and 1m30s and boom. I do not have those skills but thanks to Amazon dot com I do!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like all the moisture that results. I like doing it though because I think it’s super intimate. I might suck at it but I think maybe not. I read the book on it, “She Comes First” and if she’s not liking it she’ll transition me out of it instead of pretending it’s good.
> 
> I think she has some concern it’s not clean or something or maybe even my saliva isn’t clean. No clue.
> 
> ...


There's nothing like an Amazon in your bedroom!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Deguello said:


> If oral (both sides) was the only thing she would not do I would not be Saying anything,but its not just the beginning of a long and frustrating list.as much as I like Going down on my wife.I just stopped doing it.because it is a one way street. Her Way.


One of the things I learned in studying Glover's book No More Mr. Nice Guy was how many men (myself at the time, but no longer) are into covert contracts. In curing myself and my sex starved marriage, I had to keep asking myself if when I did things for my wife, was it because I really wanted to do them, or did I have a covert contract in mind where if I did X, I expected her to do Y?

The way to make sure something isn't a covert contract, is to either discuss something and explain the quid pro quo you expect or simply give for the sake of giving.

The OP's statement about stopping giving oral because it is not a two-way street implies that he feels there are a reciprocal contract and she isn't delivering, probably without any such discussion with her. If you want to do something in order to get something discuss it with her and see if she is OK with it. Otherwise, do it because it makes you happy and don't expect anything more than your happiness in return.


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

Oh there was discussion,very short not no but hell no.as far as going down on her "it's not my favorite" witch it is not a deal breaker buy still means no. It her loss ,not going to force it


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Deguello said:


> Oh there was discussion,very short not no but hell no.as far as going down on her "it's not my favorite" witch it is not a deal breaker buy still means no. It her loss ,not going to force it


So you have had the oral sex discussion with your wife. She doesn't like it, which is her choice and as you say, perhaps her loss. You should absolutely not force it on her or even pressure her. Congratulations many are not brave enough to even talk of such things. Sex should not be a guessing game of 20 questions.

Have you ever had a really serious discussion with your W as to why? Not to change her mind, but to better understand her. Her reasons might be physical or they might be mental (or both). For example, some women feel that part of their anatomy is not pretty. Some feel that that part of their anatomy isn't "clean," whatever clean might mean. For some, the best part of the sexual experience is the post-coital cuddling, bonding and kissing. For them, the smells and tastes associated with your having gone down on her might detract from her enjoyment of cuddling and kissing. Others after childbirth and as they age, loose some degree of bladder control and can leak urine when they sneeze, laugh, or..........orgasm. Every woman is different. If you are in a life-long committed relationship, it helps to understand your partners feelings.

In David Scharch's book Intimacy and Desire, he talks about and has exercises on how to build sexual desire. One of his theories is that for true intimacy (which is required for sexual desire) one has to be able to calm one's own nervous heart and mind, through self-soothing. To be truly intimate involves letting yourself become physically and emotionally vulnerable. In fact, one of his short cut exercises for developing intimacy to build sexual desire includes eyes wide open deep, long kissing, and eyes wide open oral sex. Once upon a time my wife (when we were in marriage counseling) said one of her goals was greater intimacy. After reading Schnarch, she said she didn't want that much intimacy, as it scared her. The physical feelings of openness and vulnerability of another person performing oral sex on you can be overwhelming. You might want to think about this from her perspective. It really requires a lot of trust and confidence in yourself to let someone perform oral sex on you. Again, not to change her mind, but to better understand her.

Earlier you had said, "......Going down on my wife.I just stopped doing it.because it is a one way street.........." I read a lot of attitude in that statement. Maybe it's not there. I hope it isn't. Yes, you should respect her wishes, but we all know examples of behavior what someone says they don't want something and their partner/friend decides to shove that request back in their face. Don't be that guy. Accept her choices, learn to forgive her if the choices really don't hurt your relationship. Find other things that you both enjoy.

Good luck


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Deguello said:


> Oh there was discussion,very short not no but hell no.as far as going down on her "it's not my favorite" witch it is not a deal breaker buy still means no. It her loss ,not going to force it


This kind of situation generally indicates that she is probably not that into you sexually. When your wife is sexually attracted to you and desires you, this situation rarely develops.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

This is obviously a problem for you so it isn't worth ignoring.

I love giving oral and receiving but Mrs. C is a small woman everywhere and she has very real physical limitations.

Mrs. Conan really attempted oral with me once and ended up with a mark on her mouth.

It isn't worth hurting my woman for this barbarian's satisfaction.

Aside from physical limitations however, I wouldn't put up with the nonsense if I were you.

If her mouth is big enough, there really isn't a good excuse.


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

5000 married men were surveyed as to why they like receiving oral sex.

* 1% liked the warmth

* 2% liked the sensation

* 3% liked the eroticism

* 94% just liked the peace and quiet


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Rayr44 said:


> 5000 married men were surveyed as to why they like receiving oral sex.
> 
> * 1% liked the warmth
> 
> ...


The funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

I really like oral sex, it’s just too bad I will never receive it since my wife hates the thought of doing that with me. I really like to give it too as I get really turned on by the smell, taste, and sight of a lady’s intimate area. Too bad my wife really doesn’t care for that either and if I do get to do that I have to follow a few stipulations afterward which are huge turn offs.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

At the end of the day @GoodDad5 being the kind of guy who settles for less, is hardly going to inspire your wife to share more with you.

If you want a different outcome, make different choices.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Different strokes for different folks.
Back in my single days I dated a girl who used to like sticking her tongue in my ear.
I hated it, just felt awful.
The fact is what maybe pleasurable for James may not be pleasurable for Jane or vice-versa.
It like food, some we like, some we don`t like, not right to try and pressure someone into doing something they don`t like.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

My wife doesn’t care to receive at all but seems to enjoy giving. Her biggest complaint about oral sex is she feels like she has to unhinge her jaw. Get her really aroused though and she gets into it. I’ve given her oral sex before but she’s just never been into it and I would be more than willing to learn what she likes and perfect my technique but to do that you got to practice and I’ve just never been given that opportunity. I don’t take it personally though because she was this way from the beginning. The first time she gave me a blowjob I tried to return the favor and she wouldn’t even take her pants off. I’ve learned over the years that she’s very sensitive to smell and she thinks she doesn’t smell good. I wished she fully understood that I could never smell that great to begin with and COVID took out the rest. Plus I’ve never thought she smelled or tasted bad. This issue was actually something I Googled and was how I found this message board. It’s something I wished was different but it’s not the sword I’m going to die. I’m learning with time that she is more open to non-vanilla (as she puts it) stuff the more aroused she is but we are often so worn out that she just wants a quickie before bed. I’ve been consciously trying to take more time lately and have warmed her up slowly to things like digital g-spot stimulation which she seems to be enjoying but previously wouldn’t have gone for, so maybe there will be more cunnilingus in my future I just have to get her properly aroused.


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## cantopia (4 mo ago)

oral sex is so nice


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## Frankie J (4 mo ago)

Deguello said:


> If oral (both sides) was the only thing she would not do I would not be Saying anything,but its not just the beginning of a long and frustrating list.as much as I like Going down on my wife.I just stopped doing it.because it is a one way street. Her Way.


Good move .


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