# I suspect my wife of having an affair with another woman.



## freddieb

My wife has been working with this other woman for 2 months. About a month ago they started texting each other very often. On days they don't work they text each other 40-50 times per day. It starts has soon as my wife wakes up and goes on until she goes to bed. I tried to check my wife's text messages but she deleted them. I did however see some texts from last week. Last week this other woman had to go out of town for a convention. She left Thursday morning and didn't get back until Sunday night. On Wednesday night my wife sent her a text saying "I miss you already". This was sent right after they left work. Thursday they were texting back and forth all day. It started with the other woman sending my wife three texts first thing in the morning. First text "I". Second text "Miss". Third text "You". This seemed very strange to me. Later in the day during one of their conversations my wife says "love ya". This had nothing to do with their conversation. Later in the day during another conversation my wife says "miss you and love you". Again, this had nothing to do with the conversation. Later she sends a text that says "watcha doin". The other woman's reply "missing you". Fridat there was no communication between them at all. As I was beginning to feel better about the situation I saw my wife's phone Saturday morning. The other woman sent her a text at 1:30 am that said "I miss you". My wife had to work Saturday morning and as soon as she left the house she started texting the woman. When my wife got home she has deleted all of their texts. They continued texting off and on all day. I was able to see some of these other texts and in one of them the woman says "i miss you". then in the next text she says "do you miss me". I confronted my wife about it later that night and she began crying uncontrollably saying she can't believe that I think she is a lesbian. She said they are just very good friends. This past Friday they were both off from work and texted each other all day long. My wife deleted the texts before I could read them. Saturday was the same thing, however I did see some of the texts from the morning. The woman says "i'm worried about you today. are you ok?" My wife deleted her response before I could read it but didn't delete any of ther other texts between them. But when I checked my wife's phone that night all texts were deleted. I confronted her about it again and this time she got mad and continues to say they are just really good friends. Today they were both at a kids birthday party. As soon as the party was over and they left they immediately began texting each other. I would really appreciate a woman's input on this. Please tell me I'm reading too much into this and that it is all innocent.


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## Love Song

AAWWW uppy: SH!T!!! not another one


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## Love Song

How did you confront your wife? What did you say to her? Do you have kids? How long has the constant texting been going on? 

Do you think your wife is bi-sexual or a lesbian?? And what makes you think so??


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## light rain

What kind I'd phone does she have? On some phones you can recover deleted text messages. If she has an iPhone look for Decipher Text Message.

Anyway the fact that she is deleting text messages means it likey that something is going on between them; an EA at the very least.


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## fallensoldier

Yeah, def something fishy. I'm a woman and have many girlfriends but can definitely guarantee that with absolutely none of them do I spend 10-12 hrs of my day texting. And to none that I would see on a daily basis would I express "missing you" .. Something very fishy here


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## Thor

Do you know for a fact that this other person is female? Have you met her? Are you sure the phone number in your wife's phone is in fact that woman's number? Cheaters frequently hide the affair partner's number under a false name.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Doesn't matter if the fellow-texter is a WOMAN or a MAN. Either way, your wife is WAY TOO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED in this person. This is an Emotional Affair. 

freddieb: What do YOU want to do about this? Go to counseling? End the marriage? Learn to live with it? You have to approach this as your wife cheating on you...because she is! (even if it's not physical).

What DO YOU want to do about it?


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## RiccardoVasquez

I do understand that a person's sexuality is a very confusing thing, and she obviously needs time to think about what these 'lesbian tendencies' mean, but she is being completely unreasonable to expect you to be okay with her socializing with B. You are obviously a lovely, decent man who is head over heels in love, but it sounds as though you need to stand up to her a bit. I assume that if she had affair with another woman, you'd put your foot down to her socializing with her afterwards?

-Rick


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## Peachy Cat

RED FLAGS all over the place.

Put it this way: if you knew it was a MALE coworker and your wife interacting this way, what would you think?


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## bahbahsheep

Men want physical fidelity from their wives and Women want emotional fidelity from their husbands


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## 40isthenew20

Sounds as if here's something either going on or brewing here. But there's def a difference between the other party being a woman vs a man (if it isn't a pseudo hidden name in the phone). A guy means immediate major problem, and then perhaps all the way to a divorce if it is an affair. But another woman? Many guys can live with that. Not sure if I can; just saying.


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## Pault

As 40 states it could a pseudo name and the other "lady" is a guy....
Deleting all or specific in/outbound messages is certinly something that will make any party suspicious. (know Im in there as well)

There is probably no chance of getting phone off her or as its probably guarded.

You could try a sim reader - This will mean some very devious planning where you get the phone when shes asleep and get to the sim card (with the right recovery software on it). Plus you could to identify if the other party is male/female is to block your cell number being sent and ring the number making out its a wrong number call.

I suppose the best option is the sim card reader. There are other apps that can be added to a cell phone but I believe these need web access by the phones account which will give you a website access where the content of the texts can be read (dont know costs or capabilities of this but they are all over the web) Laws need checking in the USA as some areas this is illegal (if caught).
This is one of those "playing with your head" issues because the there are many points of your wifes behaviour which are making you suspicious and the only place to get the is it or isnt it evidence is being help and hidden by her


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## chillymorn

If a brick fall and hits you on the head dose the cheating wife hear it?

wake up and smell the coffee. 

the question is what are you going to do about it! if it were me I would tell her time to move in with who ever you are texting nonstop like a love struck teenager. when she balks and blows smoke up your a$$ then say get I just don't see a future with us because I demand respect and love from my wife not lies and secerecy and deciet. then start seperation your finances like you mean business .....which at this point you should mean business!


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## [email protected]

freddieb - I have to agree too with whats been said. being another husband here's my $.02:

1. is it definately a woman she's texting? find out the woman's phone number, and use sites to cross-reference the number to a person - ie. you can Google the number, or even look it up on Facebook.

While doing further research/evidence gathering, remember to keep a cool head and not let on what you are up too.

there are some great threads in the Coping with Infidelity section.


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## AlphaHalf

> -On days they don't work they text each other 40-50 times per day.It starts has soon as my wife wakes up and goes on until she goes to bed.
> 
> *-I tried to check my wife's text messages but she deleted them.*
> 
> -On Wednesday night my wife sent her a text saying *"I miss you already"*. This was sent right after they left work. Thursday they were texting back and forth all day. It started with the *other woman sending my wife three texts first thing in the morning. First text "I". Second text "Miss". Third text "You".*
> 
> -This seemed very strange to me. Later in the day during one of their conversations my* wife says "love ya". This had nothing to do with their conversation. Later in the day during another conversation my wife says "miss you and love you". Again, this had nothing to do with the conversation. Later she sends a text that says "watcha doin". The other woman's reply "missing you".*
> 
> *-My wife deleted the texts before I could read them. Saturday was the same thing*
> 
> -*My wife deleted her response before I could read it but didn't delete any of ther other texts between them. *But when I checked my wife's phone that night all texts were deleted. I confronted her about it again and this time she got mad and continues to say they are just really good friends.





> *Please tell me I'm reading too much into this and that it is all innocent.*


Sounds like your wife is having at minimum an Emotional Affair with another woman. Constant texting, deleting text messages and the ever famous quote "We're just friends", are dead giveways. You saw the messages. How does "I"...."Miss" ..."You" sound like basic chatting between "Friends" . *Don't convince yourself that this is innocent and it will go away*. If her friend was a man would you think its innocent. (are you sure the person is a woman) Don't let your wife fool you and think there is nothing going on, She will put Denzel Washington's acting skills to shame.

Quick ways to get more evidence: buy a Voice Activated Recorder(VAR). Hide it in her car under. If there is a room in the house she uses to have "privacy". Put a VAR in there as well. There are key logger programs you can install on her PC. This way you can get her passwords and view what she is typing in chat sessions.
Their are also programs that can retrieve text messages of her phone. I'm sure the other posters have more detailed info to advise you on and some books for you to read.

From my experience a VAR is the fasted and most effective way to get all the evidence you need.


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## donny64

Women chat like that. SOMETIMES. My W chats like that with her close friends. "I love you"..."I miss you"...."You're beautiful"...etc., etc., etc. But, there's a "tone" to it. It is typically as a greeting or a parting. It is not the core of the conversation. And she's not texting them every day, let alone numerous times a day. 

You've got HUGE red flags. Not in the distance, but slapping you in the face in a gale force wind. It stings for a reason. I personally could possibly be ok with such a thing...but NOT if it was being HIDDEN from me. That is an outright affair, no matter if the other party has a penis or not. She's romantically involved with someone else, you're not okay with it, and she's hiding it from you. Time for her to get called to the carpet on this one. If you're okay with her being with another woman for sex, put a stop to the hiding of it. If you're not okay with her being with another woman for sex, put a stop to it period. If she could "fall for" this other person and undermine your relationship, put a stop to it, period. It sounds to me like she's headed for the "falling for" option.

In this case, it "feels" as though it's not just sex. She's falling for this other person. At this point, it matters not a bit the other person is shy a penis...the end results will speak for themselves.


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