# Personality and Butt plug usage for women?



## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

My wife is a very strong "type A" personality and I am sure in large part this is due to her career where sh is an executive only two steps below the CEO. She is awoman in an industry that is 95% plus male and has to be even tougher and type A due to her gender.

At any rate we have been married 15 years and have 2 kids. We are both in our early 40s and have a pretty good marriage with what most would consider a good sex life. Nothing crazy but good and mostly satisfying for both of us. 

As with most marriages I would imagine our sex life "evolves" somewhat from time to time (again nothing crazy). I recently have discovered that she likes to be dominated. She loved being "manhandled" and kind of forced into doing things. I surmise that this is due to some sort of psychological thing that allows her to deviate from her normal type A personality. Instead of being in charge and calling the shots....someone else is (me!). She LOVED the Fifty Shades of Grey books which again are a deviation (from the womans point of view) from her normal personality. I have kind of known this for years but like I said we never "evolved" into domineering situations before now. So now I am really taking the lead (when the time is appropriate) and kind of dominating her.

We are both looking forward to the Fifty Shades movie and I will now be reading the book. In the meantime we were talking the other night about purchasing some Fifty Shades novelty type items for us to try out. This would definitely be an evolution in our ex life as we will likely be getting arm and leg restraints, a paddle, a blindfold. I might get some nipple clamps as well (something we have never done..but she loves nipple stimulation). Then she said "I don't want the butt plug though".

Having not read the books I didn't know about the inclusion of a butt plug in the story. Now..She up until this point in our relationship has maintained that she has no interest in anything anal related. A few years ago I manually rubbed her anus during sex when she was on top and she absolutely got off on it (she orgasmed within seconds of my doing it) but that notwithstanding she denied that she liked it. And denied interest. So I really haven't tried anything anal related since. But after she mentioned the "no butt plug" thing I asked her about it. When I mentioned that many women really enjoy them for some reason...they must have some sexual value. She agreed with that point and we both admitted that we really didn't know what they did to enhance sex. So I did some reading today and discovered that the purpose behind butt plugs (for women) is after insertion (slowly) is to kind of just fill a woman up. Due to the butt plug being inserted the vagina is made tighter which of course increases everyones pleasure during sex. Supposedly the womans contractions and spasms leading up to and during orgasm activate nerve endings in the anus/rectum and seriously enhance pleasure.

Now I am kind of asking for any women on here with butt plug experience who can either prove or disprove the information that I found. Is it a worthwhile and pleasurable item to add to our lovemaking? 

My wife seemed to open up to the idea a little bit after I told her what I read but I think a couple testimonials from real women (either way) might help her in her butt plug usage decision process. I would LOVE to try this as I am more adventurous sexually but of course if she isn't going to enjoy it there is no point. The idea of her tied up, blindfolded, nipple clamps on, and a butt plug inserted sounds like it would be tremendous fun. Hopefully it eventually happens and if people here are interested in any progress I would be happy to keep you updated.

In the meantime any feedback from women with butt plug experience would be much appreciated.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What don't you get about "taking charge"? Quit asking your wife if she'd be into it and just do it. She doesn't want to be approving your agenda for the evening meeting. She does that at work. Damn. Christian Grey is not an approval seeking kid. He didn't do the butt plug because he thought his girl might be into it.

By the way, there's a big difference between domineering and dominating, you want to do the latter.


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## Kari (Feb 17, 2012)

I think you should buy her a plug and give it to her, saying she might like to try it on her own in private to see if she likes it. It is best for women to experiment on their own, eg in the bathroom, before trying it with a partner. 

I recommend buying her a medium size but beware in some brands the medium is really large. Small plugs are just boring and pointless since they don't give you the feeling of fullness. Don't get the kind that look like multiple beads or waves. Some types are difficult to use during PIV or oral sex due to the base shape or material, it might get in the way.

You will need some lube, and the type of lube depends on the material of the plug which could be metal, glass, silicone, hard plastic, or some soft material they call 'jelly'. Also the lube type depends on whether you will put a condom over it and the condom material eg latex vs silicone.

Personally I recommend using a nonlubricated latex condom over a silicone plug, and then silicone lube on top of the condom. You cannot put silicone lube on a silicone plug or on a silicone condom directly, it will ruin them. If no condom will be placed over the plug, then a glass or metal plug is best for cleaning. I don't recommend using plastic, jelly, or silicone plugs without a condom, trust me on that. A condom is great for instant clean up, use a little rubber band to secure it. I prefer to take care of the insertion and removal steps in private. Your W might feel the same way, maybe she is embarrassed about that part of it or worried you might hurt her if you did it.

Maybe something like this: (base could be twisted out of the way i think) 
Amazon.com : Best Mood Naughty Medium - Black : Beauty

I think if she gives it a try, she will love it.


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## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

Thanks Kari. 

Based on your response you obviously have experience with butt plugs. In terms of physical pleasure, when it is added to sex..is it significant and noticeable as compared to sex/orgasms without?

And for clarity sake when talking to my wife, the physical pleasure originates from the sensation of being "full" which in turn ramps up the vaginal pleasure during sex? 

As pleasure builds toward (and including) orgasm does is there actual pleasure that comes separately from the rectum or is the pleasure solely coming from the vagina? Or is it actually both? 

Thanks again for educating us. It's much appreciated.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

Speaking only for myself, it's the anal stimulation that is enjoyable. A plug doesn't do much for me because it doesn't move. The only enjoyable plug I've found is one that is slim, with a very broad base to keep it in place, and has I think 10 vibration settings. That one is fun.

What could be fun for you two is to get one like that, tie her up, and insert the plug (AFTER she is aroused and with LOTS of lube... when you think you have enough lube... ADD MORE). Then you can play with the vibration settings and she has no control over it. You can do this before and/or during sex. Win-win for both of you - she gets her dominance, you get to have some fun being dominant, and everyone gets some pleasure.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

"As pleasure builds toward (and including) orgasm does is there actual pleasure that comes separately from the rectum or is the pleasure solely coming from the vagina? Or is it actually both?"

It's two different sets of nerve endings with their own unique pleasurable feelings. Some women can have orgasms from anal stimulation alone, some can't, same as how some women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone and others can't. I CAN say that it has never failed to increase pleasure of clitoral stimulation when done together (e.g. oral sex + anal stimulation). The two work together very well, assuming there are no physical issues (such as hemorrhoids) that could cause pain.


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

vms said:


> Speaking only for myself, it's the anal stimulation that is enjoyable. A plug doesn't do much for me because it doesn't move. The only enjoyable plug I've found is one that is slim, with a very broad base to keep it in place, and has I think 10 vibration settings. That one is fun.
> 
> What could be fun for you two is to get one like that, tie her up, and insert the plug (AFTER she is aroused and with LOTS of lube... when you think you have enough lube... ADD MORE). Then you can play with the vibration settings and she has no control over it. You can do this before and/or during sex. Win-win for both of you - she gets her dominance, you get to have some fun being dominant, and everyone gets some pleasure.



Someone told me these: 
Amazon.com: Jewel Butt Plug - Small: Health & Personal Care

Are great to start with. Small and pretty. I, uhhh, someone enjoys the view of them as well. 

Cheers,
V(13)


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## CaptainMyCaptain (Sep 19, 2010)

RevsDad said:


> Thanks Kari.
> 
> Based on your response you obviously have experience with butt plugs. In terms of physical pleasure, when it is added to sex..is it significant and noticeable as compared to sex/orgasms without?
> 
> ...


I've never heard about a plug creating a tighter feeling in the vagina. I will definitely consider researching this and getting one for my wife. It looks like you still haven't received an answer to your original question. I'll have to keep tabs on this post. Thanks for the idea.


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## Kari (Feb 17, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> What don't you get about "taking charge"? Quit asking your wife if she'd be into it and just do it. She doesn't want to be approving your agenda for the evening meeting. She does that at work. Damn. Christian Grey is not an approval seeking kid. He didn't do the butt plug because he thought his girl might be into it.


I agree and like/prefer this male taking charge approach for most sexual things in general, but not when it is something anal related if the woman is inexperienced in this. She should probably try any new plug on her own the first time.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

YOu say she wants to be dominated.
Then you ask her permission to try out a butt plug.
Does that make sense to you?


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## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

Kari said:


> I agree and like/prefer this male taking charge approach for most sexual things in general, but not when it is something anal related if the woman is inexperienced in this. She should probably try any new plug on her own the first time.


I agree here. I think we together are discovering her liking being dominated but to surprise her with anal penetration without any prior discussion when she literally has never been penetrated in her life anally seems like too big of a jump. I think there has to be a line here that requires her approval.


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## Kari (Feb 17, 2012)

vms said:


> Speaking only for myself, it's the anal stimulation that is enjoyable. A plug doesn't do much for me because it doesn't move. The only enjoyable plug I've found is one that is slim, with a very broad base to keep it in place, and has I think 10 vibration settings. That one is fun.
> 
> What could be fun for you two is to get one like that, tie her up, and insert the plug (AFTER she is aroused and with LOTS of lube... when you think you have enough lube... ADD MORE). Then you can play with the vibration settings and she has no control over it. You can do this before and/or during sex. Win-win for both of you - she gets her dominance, you get to have some fun being dominant, and everyone gets some pleasure.



I am the opposite. Slim plugs are boring and do nothing for me. I don't get much out of the movement part. It is the fullness of a medium size plug that makes me feel great. I wonder if you have really given those somewhat larger ones a chance. Perhaps the movement is essential because your plug is too slim. 

I think males get more benefit from motion anally because they have a prostate to stimulate.

I've never tried vibration back there though and maybe i should. Is there a specific model you can recommend, even if it is a slim type?


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

Just be careful, if you are getting into BDSM, trust is a big factor. She gave her rule set, I would respect that during BDSM moments. She wants to be dominated and let go, you introducing the anal during that time may kill if for her. If she is not willing to try, just leave it alone...that's me experience. They have to be open to the idea or all you have is fights about it.


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## Kari (Feb 17, 2012)

RevsDad said:


> Thanks Kari.
> 
> Based on your response you obviously have experience with butt plugs. In terms of physical pleasure, when it is added to sex..is it significant and noticeable as compared to sex/orgasms without?
> 
> ...


It is both but more of the added pleasure from wearing a plug comes from the rectal nerves, and when you add clitoral stimulation it is an amazing combination. But yes the extra tightness in the vagina is very nice too. For me I wouldn't say the rectal pleasure or sensation builds and builds leading up to orgasm, but it makes O more likely as he clitoris and vag/G spot sensations build toward orgasm. I can't O from anal alone without clit stimulation but some women can.

Yes the plug adds to the sensation of oral and PIV sex and increases the pleasure.

I get the most pleasure from the plug for the first 20 minutes or so, if i wear it longer my body becomes accustomed to it and the fun tingly sensations in the rectum per se are no longer happening.

Try a plug yourself OP and you will see what it is like, but it might be different because you have a prostate. Men tend to like thinner more curved plugs that move when they tighten muscles so it rubs the prostate. As i said, thin plugs are boring for some women like me. If i had only tried a thin one, i probably would have thought 'meh' about plugs. When i tried a bigger one, i thought wow, this is nice, i should have tried this years ago.


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## justastatistic (May 16, 2014)

You need to read up about bdsm. The mistake that peoiple make is just to tie their SO up and go to town, but so much of that type of play is based on mental stimulation first. You need to get your wife into what they call "subspace."

Your wife sounds like mine. She goes crazy when you actually do any anal stimulation, but after says she isn't interested in it. She hasn't overcome whatever inhibition she has to that type of play, whether she thinks it's deviant, or painful, or let's face it just plain messy. Once she realizes it's none of those (ok maybe sometimes messy but so is sex in general) she might be able to confess she likes it. So, since she is into being submissive, you need to show her.

As far as the bdsm thing goes, you need to learn about safewords and taking control of her mind before you take control of her body. That involves setting the stage for the scene as well as actually carrying it out. For example (tmi sex stuff follows here....do not read further if it will bother you)...

Start first thing in the morning. Act normal and very loving, tell her how much you love her and how proud you are to be her husband. Make her feel all warm and fuzzy towards you. Make sure she feels safe and secure. Text her during the day that you love her and can't wait to see her that night. Eventually, tell her not to bring any work home and she won't be able to get anything done that night. Don't tell her why.

I don't know how your household works, but have the kids out of the house when she gets home (or if you're going to do this on a weekend, which is a good idea, send the kids elsewhere for the day/evening.) Remove any distractions. Have dinner ready so it doesn't have to be made. Make sure the house doesn't need cleaning and all the laundry is done. In effect, remove any excuses she might have for not "playing." And most importantly, be the one in control. Tell her dinner is ready, don't ask her if she's ready to eat. Have a romantic dinner, then tell her to go take a shower, that you want her clean. 

When she comes out of the shower, have your "toys" laid out on the bed. I'd recommend fur-lined leather cuffs, a blindfold, a paddle if you guys are into that, clamps, a gag, etc. Also a dog "clicker". One of those noise makers sold in pet stores for dog training. Put a pillow on the floor, and leave a note on the bed that says "kneel and wait for your master....and remain silent."

When you come in, if she has obeyed you and is waiting kneeling as instructed, go to her, kiss her deeply and say something like "MMMM what a good girl you are, kitten." It sounds stupid but if she is really into being your good little girl/sub she'll love it. Now give her a safe word, and explain to her that if things get to intense she only needs to say the word and everything will stop, immediately. Something like "applesauce." Tell her that just saying "no" or "no more" won't work. She has to say the safeword if she wants it to stop. This is so she can "play" the good girl who is resisting even though she doesn't really want it to stop. Some people use a traffic light system where green means everything is ok, yellow means it's getting too intense but don't stop, just slow down, and red means stop and untie me. The dog clicker is a non-verbal safeword. If you do anything that involves your wife not being able to speak, like being gagged, you place the clicker in her hand first and tell her one click means slow down, two means stop and untie me.

Now have fun. Tie her up, make her helpless, tease and please her. Do things to enhance the illusion that you are using her "against her will," including anal stimulation. Remember, if some mild pain/spanking is in the mix, she needs to be aroused FIRST.

And make sure to learn about aftercare, it's very important. 

Good luck and have fun.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all 
in BDSM play, "safewords" and "limits" are critically important. 

Safetwords should of course never be violated. Limits are also important. If she has specifically said she doesn't want any anal play, then that if out - until she rescinds that limit.

If she is OK with it, then you need to go REALLY slowly / carefully if she hasn't done it before. The "medium" sized plugs are way too big for most people who haven't done this before. Something too large hurts in a "bad" way, not a "fun" way. You also need to get the angle right. 

If you guys switch roles, let her try a small toy on you. Anal works better on men anyway, the prostate stimulation makes it very effective.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

Not everyone can achieve subspace. I've been practicing some pretty serious BDSM for years, only I'm the D, not the s. 

Trust is a big factor. The main factor. But that holds true for ALL relationships.

I agree with not introducing the plug to her before getting into a scene, unless that is what she wants, in which case I highly recommend buying a slim one to get her use to it, then later on (after several uses) going up a size IF she is comfortable with it.

Domination/submission doesn't mean you don't discuss what is going to happen beforehand. If it's a new venture for a couple, planning a scene out first is a good way to start. There's a lot of mistaken belief that to be the D, you have to just run roughshod over the s, and that's not the way to go, IMO. 

50 Shades, by the way, is a horrible guide for BDSM. His behavior is abusive, NOT dominant. People trying to be like Christian Grey are going to quickly find that fiction is not at all like reality, because I guarantee their wives aren't... whatever the girl's name is.

Kari, I have medical reasons for not using larger plugs, so the slimmer ones work better for me. 

I've used the medium size of one similar to this, but the vibrations weren't very intense since it uses a bullet vibe, plus I found it kind of painful. That may be more your speed though. Aria Vibrating Silicone Butt Plug | Extreme Restraints

I don't see the slim one I have, but it has a motor, not a bullet. It's louder, but it has 10 vibration settings from "eh, that's nice" to "HOLYCRAP!" I dug it out of the chest, but didn't see a brand name anywhere on it or the remote. I can guarantee I bought it from the same company though, I get all my fun stuff from them.


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## justastatistic (May 16, 2014)

I second extreme restraints for toys/gear. Great company.


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## Kari (Feb 17, 2012)

vms said:


> Kari, I have medical reasons for not using larger plugs, so the slimmer ones work better for me.
> 
> I've used the medium size of one similar to this, but the vibrations weren't very intense since it uses a bullet vibe, plus I found it kind of painful. That may be more your speed though. Aria Vibrating Silicone Butt Plug | Extreme Restraints
> 
> I don't see the slim one I have, but it has a motor, not a bullet. It's louder, but it has 10 vibration settings from "eh, that's nice" to "HOLYCRAP!" I dug it out of the chest, but didn't see a brand name anywhere on it or the remote. I can guarantee I bought it from the same company though, I get all my fun stuff from them.


A remote sounds interesting and fun to try. I'd also like to try an inflatable plug sometime. I would not inflate it very much and would never use a large plug since I'm not interested in stretching unnaturally or risking injury or permanent affects . Inflatable would allow me deflate when I stop feeling it as much (after 20-30 minutes) and then in a few minutes reinflate it again a bit to hopefully make it interesting again.

Some medium brands are huge and some 'large' are actually medium so it is best to buy a couple different ones and look at measurements. I think 1.25 to 1.4 inch diameter is good maybe and should have a fairly narrow tip, not like the tantus ryder which is not tapered enough for a beginner or occasional user.

I'm skinny and have hemorrhoids (enlarged veins but not inflamed or bleeding) and a 1.5 inch diameter is fine for me but only if the end is very tapered. A long one is not good because it is more likely to hurt if move to different position and I only get the fun sensations near the rectum. The base needs to be large (don't use a dildo without a wide base as a plug), and the neck narrow, but unfortunately the necks on most I've tried are too narrow. I think the neck (at my rectum) is where I feel the most sensation.

A slim 'beginner' one is good nonintimidating place to start for people, but for me I was bored with it and ready to move up in about five minutes. But maybe a slim one could be fun if it had multiple speed pulsing type vibration modes (not just a solid buzz, that does not sound fun).

Buying plugs online can be a bit of a crapshoot (pun just realized) because knockoffs are sold where you can receive plastic ones instead of silicone or cheap aluminum or plastic instead of stainless steel.

I personally don't think I'd ever want my guy inserting a butt plug in me, that part I'd like to do myself, and I wouldn't use one without a condom since I dont like dealing with any mess or odor. Maybe OP's wife might have a few of the same concerns, at least at first.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I love anal plug make her wear one when you go out together, lol, once she is ok with the idea. That will be fun fun fun.

There are all kinds of "training but plugs" , some come in set of two: smaller and bigger, silicone.

Oh, and if you want to get more serious about BDSM, find on the internet BDSM questionnaire, have her fill it out, and then go through this together. It will help you define her soft and hard limits. Those questionnaires are very detailed, and she can mark her preferences there.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

If she's averse to anything butt related, and her normal personality is a little anal retentive, then it's probably the possible cleanup issues that is holding her back most. There is always a risk of a little poop with anal play unless your bdsm sessions are going to include enemas before or during.


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## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

I am going to take the process slow. I'll read Fifty Shades and revisit the notion. FYI (sorry for TMI) but during sex on Sunday we eventually switched to doggy style with her using her Magic Wand on her clit (this is normal when we do it doggy). As things were progressing I started rubbing her just below where her tailbone ends with was maybe an inch or two above her anus. Within 10-20 seconds of me starting rubbing there she went into orbit and has a humongous orgasm. Much more vocal then normal. I was taking a little longer than normal to finish so I continued ****ing her. After a brief respite she re-applied the wand to her clit. After a minute or so I decided to resume rubbing that area jut above her anus. Again...within 20 seconds she had another big orgasm. 

While I wasn't directly rubbing her anus I was very close to it and I have to believe that my rubbing there totally got her of and the source of that was her anus area. It was too close not to be the trigger for her orgasms. For those with more anal experience do you agree that rubbing so close to the anus indicates that she is apt to receive pleasure from something like a butt plug?

Again..this is foreign territory for us and knowing her I cannot rush into this. But I feel like I am accruing more "evidence" that she physically enjoy anal stimulation. She unfortunately has a lifetime of resisting the notion of anything anal sex related. If it is going to happen it will take some time. Bear with me as we slowly head down this path...


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## Eagle441977 (May 7, 2012)

Your wife and sex life sounds a lot like mine. Let us know how things progress. My wife denies wanting anal sex but the times I do massage or even penetrate her Anus with a finger she goes wild. So she likes the anal play. She also likes to be dominated and manhandled a little bit. She likes to have her hair pulled have her wrists held down, but never admits it. I can just tell by her reactions. She also likes being asphyxiated a little. Just light pressure above the collar bone. I want to raise the level of domination a little and have been thinking about doing things like blindfolding, restraints and butt plugs. I would also like to hear from more ladies. Some say to ask first, some say to just go for it Christian Grey style... Please more opinions RevsDad and I want to hear
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you just go for it... just know that it could go very badly.

How would you handle it if your wife just 'went for it' and stuck something up yours with your consent?


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## Eagle441977 (May 7, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> If you just go for it... just know that it could go very badly.
> 
> How would you handle it if your wife just 'went for it' and stuck something up yours with your consent?


Thanks elegirl, I am not just referring to to anal plug, I know that would require communication. i was referring more to the blindfolding and the restraints and other domination/submission type things.. and I guess I have I advertently hijacked this thread. maybe i should start my own thread
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

Sounds like we have very similar wives eagle. For whatever reason they like at least some anal play but refuse to admit it. I certainly will provide updates here when I have something to report.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Eagle441977 said:


> I would also like to hear from more ladies. Some say to ask first, some say to just go for it Christian Grey style... Please more opinions RevsDad and I want to hear
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess there is no right answer, you know her best. You could try to "just do it" but you would have to watch things carefully as they happen and be able to stop it at any time. 

Or as a way to introduce those things, you may get together on the website sellling sex toys, and browse, and see her reaction to the toys you are interested in.

If you manage to go futher down the BDSM road, I really recommend doing the questionnaire.


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## Eagle441977 (May 7, 2012)

WandaJ said:


> I guess there is no right answer, you know her best. You could try to "just do it" but you would have to watch things carefully as they happen and be able to stop it at any time.
> 
> Or as a way to introduce those things, you may get together on the website sellling sex toys, and browse, and see her reaction to the toys you are interested in.
> 
> If you manage to go futher down the BDSM road, I really recommend doing the questionnaire.


Thanks Wanda, I am going to take it slowly. I don't even know what i would like to do. I like the idea of the sex toy website. Then if things progress i will try the questionnaire first and then ask her to do it to. She really likes when I take charge and likes when I suggest new things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Eagle441977 said:


> Your wife and sex life sounds a lot like mine. Let us know how things progress. My wife denies wanting anal sex but the times I do massage or even penetrate her Anus with a finger she goes wild. So she likes the anal play. She also likes to be dominated and manhandled a little bit. She likes to have her hair pulled have her wrists held down, but never admits it. I can just tell by her reactions. She also likes being asphyxiated a little. Just light pressure above the collar bone. I want to raise the level of domination a little and have been thinking about doing things like blindfolding, restraints and butt plugs. I would also like to hear from more ladies. Some say to ask first, some say to just go for it Christian Grey style... Please more opinions RevsDad and I want to hear


Always ask first. There are a good number of people who do not like things like blindfolding, restraints, etc. Some for every good reasons. 

For example, there is no way in hell I would allow restraints. They scare me, probably because of two attempted murders I survived.

Ask first.. always.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Yep. Remember that Boundaries in BDSM are set by the submissive one. They agree to give up their powers but only within limits set by them. You can push them as far as you are alloed by your partner, you go further that that and you become an abuser. So, this raises question: who really is in charge? that's the irony of this situation...


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