# Renaming your soon-to-be-ex



## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

I was thinking last night - since I joined TAM, on this forum I have always referred to my soon-to-be-ex wife, as, well.... STBXW (zero points for originality).

But what I realised is I began to think of her as "STBXW" in my mind, outside of TAM. After a while, the only time I used her actual name was in conversation with family & friends.

Rather than using her real name when thinking about her, (for the sake of the thread we'll call her Jen) I feel thinking of her as "STBXW" helped me to distinguish between the person I loved (Jen) and the person she is (STBXW). These two people are not the same. "Jen" was idealised in my mind, I held her on a pedestal. In reality, "Jen" never existed, or she did but it was all an act.

Another thing I found that helped, was renaming "Jen" to STBXW in my phone.

When I thought of "Jen" to begin with, I was filled with feelings of love, loss, regret and sadness. Thinking of her as STBXW made me feel fortunate, like I was on the right path, and ultimately was a great tool in aiding my recovery. 

As more time passed, the distinction between Jen and STBXW blurred, and now the two are synonymous in my mind. They are interchangeable, I can think of "Jen" with the same resulting feelings as "STBXW". The warm and fuzzies, the sadness & regret, are all gone.

So, pick a new name for your spouse, it could be something as simple as the first thing you see right in front of you, or something humourously offensive. It's your call.

I hope someone finds this helpful. I know it certainly helped me.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

She hasn't contacted you in ages. Her face must be growing fainter in you memory.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Kid's mom or X.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> She hasn't contacted you in ages. Her face must be growing fainter in you memory.


It sure is, as is her voice, and everything else about her.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

LCB - that is how I refer to him with my family (except the kids) and that is how he is on the phone. When I mention him to the kids, it is always 'your dad'. I cannot call him by his name, even when I have to contact him directly. It accords him too much respect and for him, I have none.

BTW, LCB stands for lying cheating bastard. 

Names hold a tremendous amount of power for me. I realized a long time ago that I hated it when LCB called me by my name as he really only did it when he was irritated or upset with me. Usually he used a nickname or endearment (which could have been because he was afraid to mix my name up with his multiple gfs! - A eureka moment just now!) Anyway, last night, I received a text from a guy I have been seeing and he used my name in a very sweet way at the end. Made me sit up and take notice.


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## Brystensmom (Feb 3, 2014)

Funny this post came up, I renamed him "monster". Dealing with him has been difficult sometimes he is nice and jovial and other times he is aloof and cold. Its confusing. Nonetheless its been about a month and a lot of lies have been uncovered and a lot of bullcrap that he wants me to believe are lies and being brought to the forefront. ANyways none of that matters anymore really.

In an effort to move on the man i used to know is no longer visible and a monster has invaded his mind... so i call it like i see it.

So i face this monster and i move on.


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

I'm calling mine Quitter


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Try to bang someone named Jen and that will be the end of it.

Stretch


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

Stretch said:


> Try to bang someone named Jen and that will be the end of it.
> 
> Stretch


Haha, the only Jen I know is one of STBXW's good friends.

I picked the name "Jen" as I finished reading MMSLP yesterday and Athol's wife is called Jennifer.

Maybe I'll ask my girlfriend if she'll let me call her Jen for the night. That wouldn't be weird at all.....


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## TwinsDad (Jul 6, 2010)

I've been using STBX but then thought of DNC - Deceitful, narcissistic, coward.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I've never thought of calling him a different name because he will always be his name to me.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I've never thought of calling him a different name because he will always be his name to me.


For me, it was like she became a different person overnight. She was no longer the "Jen" I knew, and gradually she became STBXW.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

WantWifeBack said:


> For me, it was like she became a different person overnight. She was no longer the "Jen" I knew, and gradually she became STBXW.


You could always go with Dis Ordered.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I've never thought of calling him a different name because he will always be his name to me.


uhh hes ex-mr.jelly


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Mine ehx was renamed blues, for blues clues (because he couldn't get a clue and some people thought he looked like the kid from the show), by people on TAM... we also have a Tosspot, a Sasquatch, chinless, and nutless floating around here too for a few other exh.... 

oh and douche canoe is a always a popular and funny one


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

unsure78 said:


> uhh hes ex-mr.jelly


That he is. The one and only. Literally. 

Mr. Ex Jelly.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

unsure78 said:


> Mine ehx was renamed blues, for blues clues (because he couldn't get a clue


:rofl:


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

Conrad said:


> You could always go with Dis Ordered.


Hehe, I realise that STBXW isn't the most creative.

My family and friends have several words for her. Maybe I should draw some inspiration there.


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## WestMonroe91 (Feb 28, 2014)

I now call her Hoodrat. It fits.


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

Not trying to be to personable but have you thought of changing YOUR name to Don'twantwifeback, I have read your story and I kind of know what you are going through. Just a thought


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

X-Betaman said:


> Not trying to be to personable but have you thought of changing YOUR name to Don'twantwifeback, I have read your story and I kind of know what you are going through. Just a thought


Hehe, I actually contacted the mods a while back and asked them to change my username, I never heard anything back, and they clearly haven't done it still.

Not sure how else to get it done. Whilst "WantWifeBack" is no longer accurate of my situation or feelings, I guess it'll suffice .


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