# Still not working....



## mikejohnston (Aug 18, 2014)

Hello Everyone,

I posted earlier last year about some issues I was experiencing, and the same issues have come back. I am still dealing with my wife being very ungrateful for the fact that I am the only one working. She does show being ungrateful with her words however her action say it loudly. If I ever mention the fact that she spent the fact watching Netflix and dinner isn't ready, or the fact that the laundry isn't done, etc. Well, then of course I'm the jerk and I am just treating her like my slave. I would like some ideas of how to communicate with her so that I can explain to her that when she just watches Netflix all day it makes me feel like she doesn't appreciate how hard I actually do work. 
Any thoughts would be welcome

Thanks!


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Quit complaining. 

If dinner isn't ready, go out to eat by yourself. 
If laundry isn't done, do your own and leave hers in the hamper.

If she complains, "Just taking care of myself"


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## mikejohnston (Aug 18, 2014)

That was my first response. 
For the past year I have been following that path almost. 
Every once in a while I get so fed up that I say something, however for the most part I have been taking care of myself. 
I just don't see it getting us anywhere.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

That's quite a while. Do you pay for the Netfix account?


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## mikejohnston (Aug 18, 2014)

Yes I do. 
I'm the only one bringing in income of any sort.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

You've already tried talking to her about it. 
You've already tried taking care of yourself. 

Cancel it.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Cancel Netflix.

If she wants it, she can get a job.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Be REALLY freaking sure that goofing off is what she is really doing. The entire time I was a SAHM, my husband never thought I did anything. Then I wasn't, and he really saw all that I had done.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Is she a SAHM?


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## mikejohnston (Aug 18, 2014)

Yes she is a SAHM. Well SAHM without the kids.. 
and nobody special I am absolutely without a doubt sure she is just goofing off.. 
When I return home and the house and my wife look exactly the same as when I left for months on end it's pretty easy to tell.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

So no kids but she stays at home? I don't understand that....


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## mikejohnston (Aug 18, 2014)

I agreed to her staying home if she agreed to take care of the house, do the cooking, shopping etc. 
However none of those items are being done and I'm just giving a free ride.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

mikejohnston said:


> I agreed to her staying home if she agreed to take care of the house, do the cooking, shopping etc.
> However none of those items are being done and I'm just giving a free ride.


Then it's time for her to go back to work.

If she refuses...cut off cable, internet, cell phone, no play money. If she can't contirbute to the household by taking care of it, then she can contribute financially.


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## mikejohnston (Aug 18, 2014)

I agree completely. 
That brings up more issues that will honestly cost me more than she will make. 
So with that in mind I'm not quite sure what to do with it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Why be with such a mooch?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

mikejohnston said:


> I agreed to her staying home if she agreed to take care of the house, do the cooking, shopping etc.
> However none of those items are being done and I'm just giving a free ride.


So you had a verbal contract. She has reneged on her end of the deal so the deal is null and void. She now has to goes back to work.

If she refuses you cut her off. I mean COMPLETELY. She doesn't get a dime from you and you cancel everything. Netflix, credit cards, no gas for her car, etc. 

When she gets tired of being broke and bored she will either start cleaning the house or go get a job. 

Give me a break, nine hours a day and no kids? The house should be so clean you could eat off the kitchen floor.


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## mikejohnston (Aug 18, 2014)

Well she honestly wasn't like this before we got married. 
Then when we got married everything started going downhill..


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

mikejohnston said:


> Well she honestly wasn't like this before we got married.
> Then when we got married everything started going downhill..


Yeah, wait till you have kids. You think it's bad now? Imagine the same existence and when you walk in the door you have to take care of the kids because "mommy is tired" from sitting on her a$$ all day.

Don't knock her up! You can still get out of this relatively whole. With a kid in the mix you're toast.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

mikejohnston said:


> I agree completely.
> That brings up more issues that will honestly cost me more than she will make.
> So with that in mind I'm not quite sure what to do with it.


Then you must like the status quo. Either she goes back to work or she starts taking care of home. You already know she isn't very good at the latter, so why continue to set her up to fail? If that is the main issue in your marriage, it will only build resentment as time goes on.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> Don't knock her up! You can still get out of this relatively whole. With a kid in the mix you're toast.


I agree. She's not even taking care of herself, much less you or a kiddo.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

mikejohnston said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> I posted earlier last year about some issues I was experiencing, and the same issues have come back. I am still dealing with my wife being very ungrateful for the fact that I am the only one working. She does show being ungrateful with her words however her action say it loudly. If I ever mention the fact that she spent the fact watching Netflix and dinner isn't ready, or the fact that the laundry isn't done, etc. Well, then of course I'm the jerk and I am just treating her like my slave. I would like some ideas of how to communicate with her so that I can explain to her that when she just watches Netflix all day it makes me feel like she doesn't appreciate how hard I actually do work.
> Any thoughts would be welcome
> ...



Real simple. You are required to work and must report without fail or your job is terminated. There is no if, and, or but. It is your responsibility. It is also your responsibility to provide money for Netflix. Why not sit on your butt for the entire month and not pay the Netflix bill. When it is shut off you can simply say you are not her slave in assuring Netflix is paid up. Or simply don't pay the electric bill. Let's face it, when you don't get things "done" there are consequences. What are your W consequences when things are not done? You get no meal and soil undergarments for another day. Your W still gets the next installment of Games of Thrones.


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## pleasecoffee (Jun 18, 2015)

is she depressed? maybe she needs to see a psych.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

While I understand the frustration, and I too am tempted to say "cut her off, give her nothing, disconnect netflix" I think that's a REALLY bad idea...that's what you'd do for a teenager acting out, not your husband/wife.

I agree with taking care of your stuff - do your washing, not hers. Go out or make yourself something to eat and leave her to sort hers out.

Removing something (Netflix, Internet...whatever) and putting that money towards a cleaner instead, under the guise that you have to or you can't afford the cleaner may shock her into doing something. I think though if you punish her like a child she'll just go running back to mummy and daddy and you'll be made out to be "abusive and controlling".

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand your frustration, I really do - she doesn't know how lucky she is. I thank my hubby all the time, I'm so lucky to be able to stay at home.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Did you delete your previous thread about this? I remember posting on a lengthy thread last year about a similar story of a wife who had been spoiled by her parents (and enabled by her husband) -- perhaps that was yours (I think the thread ended when the husband decided to try to work things out). The advice then from the posters was that she was unlikely to change. If that was you I'm thinking about, the advice still stands. 

Whatever you do, make sure she doesn't get pregnant. Your problems now pale in comparison to the problems you'll have once you have a child.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Update, mike?


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