# I just need help!



## IndianaUniversity2016 (May 22, 2012)

I need some honest advice, I made a huge mistake by sleeping with this man and having sexual relations with him. I did not know he had a girlfriend. His girlfriend came to my family's house and let it be known that she was in the picture. This man stated that she was his "ex" and to leave that well alone. At the same time I discovered I was pregnant as well. One night I was talking to him over the phone and I was "testing" him to see if his girlfriend lived with him and the test was telling him that he may not be the child's father. Now, I know I should have not said that or tested him that way, but now he has doubts and does not want to really participate in the preganncy. What should I do? I know I messed up big time by saying that he may not be the father. Right afterwards I came back to him and said that it was all a lie and I was doing this to test you to see if your "girlfriend" lived with you.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, dear. Well, I don't want to be too blunt, but you don't really sound mature enough to have a child. Nothing wrong with that, we all have to learn and grow.

But -- here you are, pregnant. So you need to decide what you are going to do about this pregnancy, with or without him. I'd recommend making the decision that is best for you and your life right now, and then discussing it with him. If you decide to take the pregnancy to term and keep the child, he is on the hook for child support, girlfriend or no girlfriend. (There will probably be a DNA test, under the circs, but if you are sure he is the father, then that's no problem.)

This is a huge decision for you. Please make it wisely, and forget about his girlfriend and what you said on the phone. You have much bigger things to think about right now.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

How could you not know whether he lived with his ex? Did you not go to his home at any time while you were dating?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I don't think they were "dating".


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How long have you known this guy? And how long have you been sleeping with him?

Had you never been to his house (to know his living situation)?


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## IndianaUniversity2016 (May 22, 2012)

I've been sleeping with him for about a year now. I never asked to see his living situation until the "ex" came to my family's home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

A year? And never asked to see where he lived or anything/ Ummmm....yea.... I call BS on that. Sorry.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you have been sleeping with him for a year and didn't even know where or how she lived and with whom then... 

I dont buy the fact that you didn't know he had a girlfriend. Or that he was suspect. 

You're pregnant now. So figure out what to do. It's very possible that he will not be a "present" part of the child's life being the fact that for the last year you've been screwing him, you didn't even know his living situation. He's not exactly the kind of man you want to have children/a family with. If you decide to keep it, file for child support and the child custody things that go a long with that. 

In the future, have more sense (and wrap it up, condoms).


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

IndianaUniversity2016 said:


> I've been sleeping with him for about a year now. I never asked to see his living situation until the "ex" came to my family's home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it fair to assume then that you didn't care what his living arrangement where until the gf "ex" came to your home? 

So let's recap. You've been sleeping with this guy for a year, never concerned yourself with his living arrangements, got pregnant, told him it might not be his, and are now concerned that he might not believe that baby is his? Is that it?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Survivor, can I nominate you to write up the Cliff Notes for all the majorly long threads on TAM? Please.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Survivor, can I nominate you to write up the Cliff Notes for all the majorly long threads on TAM? Please.


You will proofread, right?


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## IndianaUniversity2016 (May 22, 2012)

Unfortunately thats the story
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

IndianaUniversity2016 said:


> I need some honest advice, I made a huge mistake by sleeping with this man and having sexual relations with him. I did not know he had a girlfriend.


The way you worded it made it sound like you'd only had a 1 night stand or something. Not a year-long fling.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Survivor, can I nominate you to write up the Cliff Notes for all the majorly long threads on TAM? Please.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Glad to be of service.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

So, Indy, clarify for us...what exactly do you want advice about?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> You will proofread, right?


Absolutely! But the Notes have to be concise. 5-7 sentences max and concise like the one she wrote.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

IndianaUniversity2016 said:


> Unfortunately thats the story
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And unfortunately, I can't blame him for questioning paternity. Looks like a DNA test will be in your future. 

Calling Maury Povich


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## IndianaUniversity2016 (May 22, 2012)

Should I keep him informed about the pregnancy or just wait until The baby is born...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well you already told him you're pregnant right? So he knows.

Have you slept with anyone else within the timeframe you got pregnant? Be honest.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

IndianaUniversity2016 said:


> Should I keep him informed about the pregnancy or just wait until The baby is born...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmmm... keep him posted. Make sure the gf knows all about it too. After all, if they stay together, she will play a big role in the baby's life too.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Hmmmm... keep him posted. Make sure the gf knows all about it too. After all, if they stay together, she will play a big role in the baby's life too.


I feel sad for the girlfriend


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You owe it to him to disclose that you are keeping the child and that you plan to name him on the birth certificate as the father. This is a life changing event for him, and whether he wants to see you anymore or not, he has a right to know. And yes, you WILL be filing for child support. Yes, you will. Don't argue.

Beyond that, I think you should leave him alone unless he approaches you. He does not appear to be a good influence in your life.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

lamaga said:


> You owe it to him to disclose that you are keeping the child and that you plan to name him on the birth certificate as the father. This is a life changing event for him, and whether he wants to see you anymore or not, he has a right to know. And yes, you WILL be filing for child support. Yes, you will. Don't argue.
> 
> Beyond that, I think you should leave him alone unless he approaches you. He does not appear to be a good influence in your life.


But the gf could be a good influence!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you giving the baby up for adoption?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Maricha, I think the gf should run for the hills, myself!


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## IndianaUniversity2016 (May 22, 2012)

Well he stated he is not signing the paternity affadavit and request that the child does not have his last name.... This was after I told him it may not be his.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Maricha, I think the gf should run for the hills, myself!


Agreed. The girlfriend deserves so much better than this.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Indy, you keep dodging the question of whether you are keeping the child.

If you are keeping the child, you need to ensure that whoever the father is takes financial responsibility. If that requires a DNA test, then you need to do what is needed to make that happen.

This isn't about you and your love life anymore, little girl. There's a child in the mix.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

IndianaUniversity2016 said:


> Well he stated he is not signing the paternity affadavit and request that the child does not have his last name.... *This was after I told him it may not be his.*


_

Look, Idk how old you are but you sound really immature.

You can't just go around playin games with people saying you are pregnant and telling them one minute they are the father and ten say you're not sure or that it's not them and then telling them you are "testing" them on the phone to see whether they have a girlfriend that lives with them or not.

You need to find out from the get-go if a man is involved with someone. I still find it VERY hard to believe you had NO CLUE this guy was partnered with someone, especially if it was as serious as a live-in girlfriend... for an entire year. That makes absolutely no sense. 

You just got a rude wake up call.



_


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## IndianaUniversity2016 (May 22, 2012)

I am keeping the child. I am 7 months along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And you failed to mention that MAJOR part of the story too.

Oh. My. 

What do you want advice on? Have the baby and fild for child support. Don't expect him to be around. It's clear from the (non) relationship you have with him he's not into you or it or the situation at all. In the future, use better judgement. End of story.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Then grow up, talk to a counselor at the school or a social worker at the hospital, and find out what you need to do to ensure that your child has enough money to eat. Once paternity is proven, it doesn't make a rat's worth of difference whether someone signs a paternity affadavit or not. They are liable.

If you really are at IU, they have excellent counseling resources available for free to students. If you are not, which I suspect, then see what resources are available in your community. And I hope you are getting pre-natal care.


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