# Im 90% sure my wife cheated,plz read and opionate



## Mrclueless (Dec 3, 2013)

So my wife works a job that runs 24 hour shifts,,,she does 24 on and 48 off,she genuinley loves her job and i love her very much,,i dont want to get into specifics just incase people she works with may use this site,but the jist of it is that she works with the same partner every shift,shes worked with him for a year,,,now im not used to my woman being gone for a full day so the 24 hr shift thing was a problem for me right away but i know that i need to be bigger than that,,for her so over time i let myselfsettle into an uneasy trust,,she has to take a change of cloths,a towel, ,,pretty much looks like shes goin on vacation wen she leaves for work and this makes dealing with this situation even harder( she works with blood and sick people) so a change of cloths is a must in case she gets bled on or worse,,so anyway,,lately things have gotten tense i have trying to be patient but its hard,so she DLd a gps locator on her phone,completely her idea and her attempt to set my mind at ease,the problem isnt that i think shes goin somewhere she shldnt tho,,lemme get to the point,we recently had an argument about our teenage daughter and i had called her while she was on shift to ask her to explain something to me,she proceeded to talk to me like i was a dog,or an idiot,she was demeaning and even yelled a few times,,,this whole discusion i later found out happened with her partner sitting next to her in the vehicle,now i dunno about anyone else but imo noone should ever broadcast a marital argument in front of a co worker,especialy one of the opisite sex,,it lets the partner know theres trouble at home and if hes that kinda guy he might take that as a sign to make a move,,,well i,was furious and wen she came home the next morning i confronted her about my suspitions and she couldnt face me,was crying,and if guilt looked like water she was lookin like the ocean,,i asked her " how could you do this to us"? She replied , it just happened,,i freaked out , lost it,broke some furniture and told her she had beter start explaining,,she sed she thought i was asking about talking to me on the phone the way she did and insisted she didnt do anything " sexual" ,,i told her if she was gona lie she could just leave ,so then she claimed that he had only tried to kiss her and that she pushed him away,,and finaly claimed that absolutly nothing happened,no sex , no kiss,that she only sed that because she thought id make her leave if she didnt admit to something,,dont get me wrong folks imtreat my wife like a princess so its not like she was scared i would hurt her or something,,so anyway in the four hour talk that ensued i told her the only way i could ever move forward with her is that id go out and find myself a one night stand,,she was crushed but told me that if imdid she would accept it and again insisted she didnt do anything with this guy,,now im definetly NOT into haveing sex with anyone outside my mariage,and its not something that im goin tomdo ,its a definet no way cuz thats not me,,but im lost now didmshe agree to let me do that out of guilt because shes guilty or does she relize that i cant move forward with her unless thing are equal ,,crap im just lost on this,any advice wld be great,,,even if you tell me to go take a xanex lol


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

To be honest....it doesn't sound good. 

BUT - I recently had a similar thing happen where a co-worker tried to kiss me out of nowhere. It was truly bizarre. So stuff like that does happen and your wife may not have brought it up so she doesn't have to deal with your crap (you sound like a scrapper.) 

Also, sometimes you can't help but have a conversation you don't want to have in front of a co-worker. So that part is your own fault for not directly asking her on the phone if she was alone -OR- waiting to have a face to face convo. 

I do think you should request she change shifts so as to not work with this person. His behavior is threatening and not workplace appropriate.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Also - stay vigilant.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

DO NOT have a one night stand!

Your wife needs to change jobs and counselling for you both is a must.

Breaking furniture is understandable but not a good idea. You might need anger management.

You need to monitor what your wife is doing.

Her giving you the tool to know where she is is, to my mind, a red flag, potentially.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Definitely new job time.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

It sounds like you've maybe caught things before the other man ups his ante and move it into an affair, the one night stand is a no go and you should tell her that was said out of anger and frustration and a feeling of being cheated on, at the very least she has to change jobs and shifts and stay out each others car for starters she knows that you hate her doing this job as it takes her out the house so she should not have been in his car never mind even speaking to you like that this just strengthened his hand with her in his mind anyway, why the sleepovers once off duty is it a case of off but on immediate call? 
Now the other thing you have to do is woo each other again as you can bet that this is what he was trying and felt he had made progress as he tried to kiss her, if her 48 off coincides with your early finish all the better and try and engineer her 48 off to match your down days also
The broken furniture is understandable but make it the last in case she or a concerned neighbour phones the Police some forces including mine are big on domestic violence and you could find yourself out the house for a few days and a criminal record


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

Sorry your are here,

1 Do not have a ONS or an affair.
2 She really needs to find another job. Even if nothing happened. She must have told you when he tryed to kiss her.
3 Ask her for a poly, set up an apointment and look the history on internet, if you find a searh like 2how to beat the poly" you have your answer. Some times youcan get a full conffesion on the parking lot 5 minuts before the poly.

What rigs abell is she willing to lwet you have ONS, WTF??? if she didt do nothing then why is she willing to give you a free pass.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

- Why would she be willing to let you have a ONS if nothing happened?

- Either she change jobs (better option) or she reports her co worker to HR, at this point she can't be on the same shift with a guy who tried (?) to kiss her.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

The only way to know at this moment the truth from her is a poly.

From him maybe you can get the truth. Call him in front your wife, tell him that your wife just came clean about everything and you need him to tell you his version (how many times, where, when it started, etc) or you are going to tell HER at his job and his wife / gf.

Look, as she admitted he tried to kiss her you have a motive to call him to see if nothing more happened.

In fact you can do it right now!!!


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Don't call him. He will minimise things.

The fact she's willing to let you have a One Night Stand makes no sense if she's innocent.

Get her to report him to HR. It's a test of her loyalty to you and the marriage.


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## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

I guarantee you it's already much worse than the trickle of truths you're getting. Most of us have been where you are now. You really don't want to believe it. Your own brain is telling you not to believe it because it couldn't possibly be true that your soulmate could do such a horrible thing. That little voice in the very back of your mind, however, is the truth teller. You and I both know he's telling you that they've already had sex, probably multiple times, and are probably well into a full-on affair.

At this point you need to look up the 180 here on this site and get a plan.

From my own experience I'd say if you still want her but want her to repent then she must do the following:

1. Tell you everything no matter how painful that is. I mean every minute detail.
2. Admit that she's a cheater. A bad person.
3. Humble herself to you completely. She has zero leg to stand on. No high ground whatsoever.
4. Waive any right whatsoever to privacy going forward. 100% transparency. You have full access to any email accounts, cell phones, etc.
5. She must accept that any attempt at R is 100% on your terms.

If she really loves you and knows she screwed up then she'd agree to this in a second. If she won't then she doesn't really love you and you need to implement all the steps of the 180.


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## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

I work shifts in health care as well, and understand the hours can be a real killer to a marriage. Part why I hang out here to try and build it strong enough so it can handle it.

In no way am I defending her actions but have you talked to her about call? Could have been a rough shift you got me just after a difficult patient I can’t have my phone on me at work and I don’t want to talk to my H when I am working.

It can be a rough job at times so actions not normal happens, I have been crying my heart out hugged by 2 colleges kicking Hell out of a wall in a locker room at losing a patient. So you do form bonds that out side that world doesn’t seem normal.

That said it’s your life and relationship so I urge you to resolve it one way or the other, nothing good will happen or grow from place your in. With all respect to both of you forget what may or may not have happened past, history, ok. You are here right now all focus on where do I go from here I don’t like this place? Book your self the first ticket in thought out of here.

Whatever that means to you, I think your a cheater and I can’t take this to sweet I think you should look for a new job with more family hours for us. One way or another you got to get out this thinking it will eat you up and destroy you and her.

Just my humble opinion and thoughts. 

Hope you find peace what ever that is for you Mrclueless, back thinking is no good full on eyes front is the way to go.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The only thing you can accept now is to talk to her about it and see if you believe her. This is on her, if you can not trust what she is telling you, talk to local law enforcement and find out who they use for polygraphs. Its true polys are not perfect. However, it is what it is and the only other option is to accept what she is saying.

Normally if they had sex, they will admit to kissing. By not even admitting to kissing, that is a good sign.

The worst sign is that she has not demanded a partner change. After all if he thought he could kiss her, he thought he could do more.

After this, THEY CAN NO LONGER WORK TOGETHER OR BE IN ANY KIND OF CONTACT WITH EACH OTHER. If she finds either oof those two things are more important than the marriage you need to divorce her. Her partner has twenty four hours at a time to play her.

I am going to post a post from a guy that used to be here. Print this off and ask her to read it. Ask her if it sounds familiar.

_*Findingmyway was a player, I don't know if he comes on here much now, but he did leave a point of view thread although I can't find it. He posted something similar to me, here it is.:
***********************************************

My perspective- as a serial cheat. Before I start, I'm no GQ model look alike and I'm not wealthy.

For me, it was always about extra sex. The thrill of the chase and ego boost was a plus, but I just wanted more sex than my wife did. I always loved my wife and certainly never ever wanted to leave her or lose her. Especially not over someone else's wayward wife.

I had a simple method. I used it because it worked. I targeted married women. I figured they were safer for several important reasons.
1- Less likely to be sleeping around with random guys (STDs).
2- Less likely to pull the crazy girlfriend BS and call my wife.
3- In case of an unwanted pregnancy, I had a built in schmuck to pay the tab and would have claimed to have had a vasectomy.

The most important part of being a player is to hide it. I started with shy looks making certain I'd get caught and then doing my best to look embarrassed. If she started to come around more or dress sexier then I'd try a safe compliment. If she called me on my BS (yes, it happened) I simply acted highly offended. After all, I'm a married family man. That usually got me an apology. A few really smart ones just avoided me altogether.

If she accepted the compliment, I knew I had a chance. I never ever wasted time with someone that I didn't want to bed. If the compliment was successful, I simply followed with more as time permitted and just let things develop. Who knew where it would go? When she would speak with me about her frustrations with her husband (they always complained about their husband) I used that to my advantage. If they complained that he didn't do enough with the kids, I was dad of the year. If he didn't help out around the house, I did everything at home so my wife didn't have to. Yes, it was complete BS, but so what. My job was to make them feel special, pretty and needed and to paint the fantasy. After all, my goal was not conversation or friendship. I wanted to score.

Once things progressed and I had to keep it intense unless it was simply a once and done kind of thing. I would do that by pushing her boundaries for sex. Anal, public hook-up whatever. Keep in mind, I'm in it for the sex so I tried for everything I liked and heard more than once statements like... I never even let my husband do that. That was usually with anal, but sometimes public hook-ups also.

I certainly didn't want to be paying for hotel rooms out my pocket. If she wanted to pay, that was fine. Otherwise, we could hook-up anywhere, it didn't matter to me.

I always advised them to keep the secret between us, because it was so special. Actually, I didn't want to get busted. If they got busted, and some did. That was their tough crap to deal with. I certainly never vowed to love/honor/cherish them.

As I look back, I'm stunned at how easy it was and how many fell for my crap. I had some that would try to pull away and I'd feed them the star crossed lovers BS, you know... kept apart by the cruel hand of fate. That worked like magic to seal the deal. I also used things like I think my wife may have cheated on me. Then I'd work in how I got tested for STDs and it was clear and somehow manage to mention my vasectomy (never had one). Understand? I'm safe, you won't catch anything if you sleep with me and I won't get you pregnant. That was the message.

The one thing that sent me running was the fear of getting caught and sometimes I just wanted a quick bang and wasn't in it for a couple of months of an affair. I'm still also amazed by how many didn't see through my crap either. They didn't have to deal with the day to day stresses that adults face with me (finances, mortgages, car payments, child care, time commitments, etc.). With me, it was just fun and sex. The poor bastard at home didn't have a chance once the play was in motion. It also helped me to see him as a douche-bag when his wife whined about him for whatever reason.

I work with a woman that has lost everything over an affair with me. The house, husband, family, etc. It's difficult to see. She hates me now, but I never vowed anything to her or forced her to do anything. That's her tough crap. Her kids are in therapy, their grades tanked and she's struggling financially and the kids blame her, etc. Honestly, I wish she'd quit so I didn't have to see her every freaking day.


I do know a few like me that I consider even worse. They brag and laugh about getting wayward wives to do things and try to get email or text proof to show off. It's pretty easy, just tell her how much he liked doing X with her last night and let her respond. Then they had proof to brag about and trade notes. I didn't do that. I just wanted the sex and avoided the women they talked about. I liked to find the ones who would seem to be the last to ever do anything like this. Goes back to my 3 reasons.

I never flirted with a married woman unless I wanted in her pants. Plain and simple, you do have to hide it so they don't see it coming, but it's really that basic. Other players use different methods, but we all use what works and modify sometimes if we're not progressing to try a different angle. Not all women are the same, and sometimes deviations are required if she'll let you in her pants.

It was never about love, just sex. I sold the fantasy, yes. But that is all it ever was. A fair trade. They were adults and quite frankly should have known better. Am I a predator, I certainly never thought so and I certainly never thought about what would happen to them when we were done. Yes, all my affairs ended. Most stayed married to their H they *****ed about and screwed around on. Therefore, he must not have been that bad. People just get caught up with unrealistic expectations on life I think. For goodness sake, Prince charming is only charming because he wants a blow job.

Before I close, I'll say this as well. An engaged woman would have worked for me also, but I never found one that would go for me. Also, newly married women are much harder to get. I had the best luck with women who had been married for at least several years, throw a kid or two in the mix and they were usually more susceptible to being chased.

It was a fair trade. Attention and compliments for sex.
*_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Is her partner married?


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## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> The only thing you can accept now is to talk to her about it and see if you believe her. This is on her, if you can not trust what she is telling you, talk to local law enforcement and find out who they use for polygraphs. Its true polys are not perfect. However, it is what it is and the only other option is to accept what she is saying.
> 
> Normally if they had sex, they will admit to kissing. By not even admitting to kissing, that is a good sign.
> 
> ...


Wow. I wonder how that guy lived with himself. I wish like hell my wife had seen this. She thought OM cared for her. When it all blew up she learned that he begged his own wife not to leave him and told her my wife meant zero to him. Just a piece of ass. That crushed her as much as her entire family turning on her crushed her. None of us, especially me, had any sympathy for her. She destroyed the greatest part of our lives.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Mrclueless said:


> So my wife works a job that runs 24 hour shifts,,,she does 24 on and 48 off,she genuinley loves her job and i love her very much,,i dont want to get into specifics just incase people she works with may use this site,but the jist of it is that she works with the same partner every shift,shes worked with him for a year,,,now im not used to my woman being gone for a full day so the 24 hr shift thing was a problem for me right away but i know that i need to be bigger than that,,for her so over time i let myselfsettle into an uneasy trust,,she has to take a change of cloths,a towel, ,,pretty much looks like shes goin on vacation wen she leaves for work and this makes dealing with this situation even harder( she works with blood and sick people) so a change of cloths is a must in case she gets bled on or worse,,so anyway,,lately things have gotten tense i have trying to be patient but its hard,so she DLd a gps locator on her phone,completely her idea and her attempt to set my mind at ease,the problem isnt that i think shes goin somewhere she shldnt tho,,lemme get to the point,we recently had an argument about our teenage daughter and i had called her while she was on shift to ask her to explain something to me,she proceeded to talk to me like i was a dog,or an idiot,she was demeaning and even yelled a few times,,,this whole discusion i later found out happened with her partner sitting next to her in the vehicle,now i dunno about anyone else but imo noone should ever broadcast a marital argument in front of a co worker,especialy one of the opisite sex,,it lets the partner know theres trouble at home and if hes that kinda guy he might take that as a sign to make a move,,,well i,was furious and wen she came home the next morning i confronted her about my suspitions and she couldnt face me,was crying,and if guilt looked like water she was lookin like the ocean,,i asked her " how could you do this to us"? She replied , it just happened,,i freaked out , lost it,broke some furniture and told her she had beter start explaining,,she sed she thought i was asking about talking to me on the phone the way she did and insisted she didnt do anything " sexual" ,,i told her if she was gona lie she could just leave ,so then she claimed that he had only tried to kiss her and that she pushed him away,,and finaly claimed that absolutly nothing happened,no sex , no kiss,that she only sed that because she thought id make her leave if she didnt admit to something,,dont get me wrong folks imtreat my wife like a princess so its not like she was scared i would hurt her or something,,so anyway in the four hour talk that ensued i told her the only way i could ever move forward with her is that id go out and find myself a one night stand,,she was crushed but told me that if imdid she would accept it and again insisted she didnt do anything with this guy,,now im definetly NOT into haveing sex with anyone outside my mariage,and its not something that im goin tomdo ,its a definet no way cuz thats not me,,but im lost now didmshe agree to let me do that out of guilt because shes guilty or does she relize that i cant move forward with her unless thing are equal ,,crap im just lost on this,any advice wld be great,,,even if you tell me to go take a xanex lol


Sounds like she's f*cking her partner.

How many times did you call before she answered? Hell, you may have interrupted them in the act.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Only a kiss? I hope so, because we have many stories of "only a kiss" and "pushed away/did not want" as a reason. Rarely is that all. Sorry, you are here, do no cheat.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

ONS won't hurt a cheating wife but leaving her will.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Cheating, in any form requires three elements; motive, opportunity, and rationalization/justification. The 24 hour shift, (she's an EMT I think) makes for the opportunity. Where's the motive and justification? Has anything in ya'lls interaction with each other changed? If she's crossed that line with this character I'll assure you it won't be a one time thing and changes in your relationship will be significant enough that you'll know something it up. You won't have to speculate.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

azteca1986 said:


> Don't call him. He will minimise things.
> 
> The fact she's willing to let you have a One Night Stand makes no sense if she's innocent.
> 
> Get her to report him to HR. It's a test of her loyalty to you and the marriage.


OM wont minumize anything if hasnt speak to the WW, he will tell everything to save his azz


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Wait a minute, she admitted to him trying to kiss her and then said that didn't really happen? She mistakenly thought you were saying she was having an affair with the guy?


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

She reports the man to HR or she takes a lie detector test. Either way you get your answer.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

Mrclueless,

What is your deal breaker?

IMO there is much more than he trying to kiss her.

Cheaters lie to make damage control and self presevation. A kiss could be a BJ, one time could be a month, etc.

Thats why you need to check the info with OM . if he is married expose after him telling you everything.


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

I have to say, this sounds like it was sex to me, just based on my gut.

Either way, inappropriate.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

Mrclueless

Did you notice any change when she started to work with him? less sex, losing weigth, new clothes, new ligerie, etc.

Did you check her email or phone?

You can recove messages deleted.

From now on transparcy is a must. She must give you all her passwords.

Also check her phone bill looking for many calls and messages to the same number , OM numbers, late nigth, early morning, when she is not at work and you are not arround.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Have you exposed the A to the co-worker's wife?

She needs a new job now.

Ask her to get tested for stds.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Suspecting2014 said:


> Sorry your are here,
> 
> 1 Do not have a ONS or an affair.
> 2 She really needs to find another job. Even if nothing happened. She must have told you when he tryed to kiss her.
> ...


Probably because she was trying to pacify him. Telling him NO while he was in a furniture breaking mood probably seemed like a bad idea to her.

As for her doing nothing, she's been claiming that all along and he doesn't believe it. She knows that. So for her the decision to say yes was probably the best.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Only one post, hmmm.

I wonder if Mrclueless is married to neonghost.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Suspecting2014 said:


> The only way to know at this moment the truth from her is a poly.
> 
> From him maybe you can get the truth. Call him in front your wife, tell him that your wife just came clean about everything and you need him to tell you his version (how many times, where, when it started, etc) or you are going to tell HER at his job and his wife / gf.
> 
> ...


Polys have a lousy record for accuracy. They are plagued by false positives where the detector says she's lying and she wasn't. And they are plagued by false negatives where the detector says she's telling the truth and she really wasn't.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

KingwoodKev said:


> Wow. I wonder how that guy lived with himself. I wish like hell my wife had seen this. She thought OM cared for her. When it all blew up she learned that he begged his own wife not to leave him and told her my wife meant zero to him. Just a piece of ass. That crushed her as much as her entire family turning on her crushed her. None of us, especially me, had any sympathy for her. She destroyed the greatest part of our lives.


Print the post out and show it to your wife.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

sidney2718 said:


> Suspecting2014 said:
> 
> 
> > The only way to know at this moment the truth from her is a poly.
> ...


Yes you are rigth, but the poly is to get a confession before as she will fear the outcome of it


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Click the top link in my signature to learn how to find out what happened.

All you need. Step by step.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Do not threaten a ONS.

Tell her she will be taking a poly, and she has this one chance to tell you the full truth if she wants any chance of saving the M....tell her that failing to pass will result in immediate D.

If she refuses, tell her that as far as you are concerned, that is the same as failing one while continuing to lie.

Chances are good that she will confess before you even have to take her to the tester.


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## Mrclueless (Dec 3, 2013)

Ive got the guys number since i posted and have tried calling him from her phone a couple times and no answer as of yet,,one way or another im going to get ahold of him,im trying my hardest to be as reasonable as i can and not just go to her station and do a face to face but i gota say if i have to go find this guy its gona. Be bad ,im trying to give her the benifit of the doubt and not cost her the job based on something i cant yet be certain of,,i know i need to either handle the dude soon one way or another or just leave her


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

When you threatened to have a one night stand to even the score _and_ she gave her assent...seems like something must have gone on between her and other dude...or else why would she be willing to say "Yeah, I guess it's okay if you go have sex with someone else."?? It's either that, or she wants you to cheat, so she will feel the moral justification to leave you, alleviating her of guilt and "freeing" her to go run off with homeboy.

I say, even though you may feel like you have right on your side, you need to not go into meltdown mode and get yourself arrested. I know you are angry and hurt, but it is not improving the situation by telling your wife you deserve to cheat on her or other destructive actions or words.

You can't force her to do anything EXCEPT make a choice. Remember, you don't own her, you are only held together by mutual choice and your vows...so you can't make her do anything. However, you can make choices and decisions for yourself and tell her "If you want to run off with this guy fine, there's the door, here's my lawyers number,where do you want me to mail divorce papers? If you you choose to stay, then no more contact with this guy. IT'S OVER. Time to look for a job elsewhere...AND we are going to get marriage counseling. Oh, you don't want to do any of what it takes to keep this marriage together? There's the door, here's my lawyer's number." Give her the freedom to make her own choice...but let each of her choices result in an immediate action. "It's either A or B. Choose A, I give you the boot. Choose B, you give homie the boot and then we build up our castle walls to keep out the snakes."

You have to be swift, as people who are in an EA or PA and get caught...they usually aren't prepared to make that hardline choice as they have been fence-straddling. So just to maintain status quo, cheaters will lie as much as they can to keep you in the dark, so things will settle down and they won't have to give up the affair. This is why it is important to shake things up like calling guy's wife if he's married...and then set no-contact rules if wife chooses to stay with you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mrclueless said:


> Ive got the guys number since i posted and have tried calling him from her phone a couple times and no answer as of yet,,one way or another im going to get ahold of him,im trying my hardest to be as reasonable as i can and not just go to her station and do a face to face but i gota say if i have to go find this guy its gona. Be bad ,im trying to give her the benifit of the doubt and not cost her the job based on something i cant yet be certain of,,i know i need to either handle the dude soon one way or another or just leave her


Do not do anything that could land you in jail.

They are not worth you risking being a S-FOB.
*Special Friend of Bubba.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Mrclueless said:


> Ive got the guys number since i posted and have tried calling him from her phone a couple times and no answer as of yet,,one way or another im going to get ahold of him,im trying my hardest to be as reasonable as i can and not just go to her station and do a face to face but i gota say if i have to go find this guy its gona. Be bad ,im trying to give her the benifit of the doubt and not cost her the job based on something i cant yet be certain of,,i know i need to either handle the dude soon one way or another or just leave her


I know why you want to do this and need to do it but don't as you will end up arrested it may also cost you your job your liberty and the marriage, if you do a face to face with him it will turn nasty some posters are telling you this from experience and some from cool logic/common sense, this has got to be something you both work through and if you can't then show her the door


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

*If you insist* on confronting other guy *take a friend who can stop you getting in trouble* and one who wont join in

*Before you confront *other guy confront your wife and tell her you have met up with the other guy an hour ago and he admitted to fvvving her and that you want to know all the details if your marriage is to survive as you need her to be truthful from this point onwards

*Reassure her* it wont make a difference as you love her and will not divorce her (make your mind up after what you want to do - in other words lie)

*Keep reassuring her* as you keep asking her details that as long as you get all the details truthfully you will stay ect

then if you must go see other guy

Make sure she does not contact other guy before you confront him


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you broken furniture before? Is she afraid of you? Now she says there wasn't even a kiss? 

I'm confused by your timeline and if she admited something because she was afraid you were going to hit her.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

Mrclueless said:


> Ive got the guys number since i posted and have tried calling him from her phone a couple times and no answer as of yet,,one way or another im going to get ahold of him,im trying my hardest to be as reasonable as i can and not just go to her station and do a face to face but i gota say if i have to go find this guy its gona. Be bad ,im trying to give her the benifit of the doubt and not cost her the job based on something i cant yet be certain of,,i know i need to either handle the dude soon one way or another or just leave her



This is very important, DONT MET HIM FACE TO FACE, you dont need to do something stupid and upgrade this mess.


Is OM married???

Text him that he must call you or you are reaching his wife and HHRR (it is a bluff), then wait. Dont tell your wife so she wont warn him.

Do it before she leaves again to met him at work, as they can match their stories.
Anyhow ask her for a poly and watch her reaction.

Ask him to tell his version. I hope there is nothing more.

Anyhow, she need a new job, or he needs to quit.

Second thought, as she was confident and entitled to yell at you infront of him, considering that he tried to kiss her and after that they remain very good friends. IMO is at least an EA.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

In rereading, you broke some furniture then she said he tried to kiss her. Then she said she made that up. Why do you think she wasn't afraid you would hurt her? You had obviously lost your temper.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

And a kiss is cheater speak for at least oral.

Once means many times.


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## imjustwatching (Jul 8, 2014)

The problem here is not the dude it's your wife, how you expect him to tell you the truth if your own wife wouldn't give you he doesn't ow you anything.... 
Ask your wife to take a lie detector


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## imjustwatching (Jul 8, 2014)

double post


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## dental (Apr 16, 2014)

Absolutely true. Never understood the need to bring harm to the other guy. It's your spouse that you have a relationship with. She's the one that betrayed you. That stepped onto your heart. She made that decision. OM is just a penis.


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

dental said:


> Absolutely true. Never understood the need to bring harm to the other guy. It's your spouse that you have a relationship with. She's the one that betrayed you. That stepped onto your heart. She made that decision. OM is just a penis.


I don't agree with this outlook in most cases. If the OM knows the person is married/in a relationship, they should stay away regardless. They are vultures.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

> Im 90% sure my wife cheated
> 
> but the jist of it is that she works with the same partner every shift,shes worked with him for a year
> 
> pretty much looks like shes goin on vacation wen she leaves for work


One year? Definitely their coworkers and other staff must have some idea of their relationship. You can find out if you keep your cool and investigate.

I fear you will hear bad news from them.


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## DadOfFour (Mar 13, 2013)

dental said:


> Absolutely true. Never understood the need to bring harm to the other guy. It's your spouse that you have a relationship with. She's the one that betrayed you. That stepped onto your heart. She made that decision. OM is just a penis.


Sorry I don't agree at all with that and while you may be married to one of the people who cheated this POS scumbag who cheated with the OP wife would have known that's she was married and deserves a good bashing at the very least. 

If I was the OP and had my wife do something like that, and couldn't get him alone, I'd be letting him know he needs to watch his back, FOREVER. OP I don't want to see you in trouble so just be careful what you do in front of or around anyone that he could call as a witness.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

ILoveMyWife&Kids said:


> Sorry I don't agree at all with that and while you may be married to one of the people who cheated this POS scumbag who cheated with the OP wife would have known that's she was married and deserves a good bashing at the very least.
> 
> If I was the OP and had my wife do something like that, and couldn't get him alone, I'd be letting him know he needs to watch his back, FOREVER. OP I don't want to see you in trouble so just be careful what you do in front of or around anyone that he could call as a witness.


Blame is 50/50 at the least, *IF * she is lying. If he really did make a pass, which happens, I agree the dude is a scumbag.

If she is lying, she is a scumbag by your examples.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mrclueless said:


> don't get me wrong folks I treat my wife like a princess


There's your problem. She should be your friend, not your princess.

Go get the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Get the book on tape if you don't want to read, just learn it.

And please break your posts into paragraphs.


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## Mrclueless (Dec 3, 2013)

I do not nor have i everhit my wife,,if shes affraid its cuz she knows right from wrong,,i was gona not post anymore and try to,work this out till i read a post asking if i hit her,,never,,we are still in limbo,,she affraid that ive already made up my mind to leave her,,but for now a cool down is necesary,for me to,cool down and for her to decide to tell me the truth,,i have told her at this point that i cant and wont accept one single bit of dishonesty about anything at all and that i am taking time not asking about anything because if i hear one more lie im done,i told her she needs to decide how much she wants to be in this m with me and im giving it a little time to be considered


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Mrclueless said:


> I do not nor have i everhit my wife,,if shes affraid its cuz she knows right from wrong,,i was gona not post anymore and try to,work this out till i read a post asking if i hit her,,never,,we are still in limbo,,she affraid that ive already made up my mind to leave her,,but for now a cool down is necesary,for me to,cool down and for her to decide to tell me the truth,,i have told her at this point that i cant and wont accept one single bit of dishonesty about anything at all and that i am taking time not asking about anything because if i hear one more lie im done,i told her she needs to decide how much she wants to be in this m with me and im giving it a little time to be considered


Mrclueless
Please keep posting as virtually all of us here have had similar problems and in a lot of cases 
a lot worse than what you are going through

What they post isn't what you *should do* its what you can *think about* and if *YOU* think its good for the way *YOU* want to move forward 
then great but don't dismiss other guys and gals thoughts on your situation

So if I understand your post you are not going to ask her anything as your too upset with whats been 
happening and her lies

What exactly has she lied about ?

If you could list them so we could understand how the situation is developing we could have some input 
that you could consider if it would help you in your time of crisis


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Mrclueless said:


> So my wife works a job that runs 24 hour shifts,,,she does 24 on and 48 off,she genuinley loves her job and i love her very much,,i dont want to get into specifics just incase people she works with may use this site,but the jist of it is that she works with the same partner every shift,shes worked with him for a year,,,now im not used to my woman being gone for a full day so the 24 hr shift thing was a problem for me right away but i know that i need to be bigger than that,,for her so over time i let myselfsettle into an uneasy trust,,she has to take a change of cloths,a towel, ,,pretty much looks like shes goin on vacation wen she leaves for work and this makes dealing with this situation even harder( she works with blood and sick people) so a change of cloths is a must in case she gets bled on or worse,,so anyway,,lately things have gotten tense i have trying to be patient but its hard,so she DLd a gps locator on her phone,completely her idea and her attempt to set my mind at ease,the problem isnt that i think shes goin somewhere she shldnt tho,,lemme get to the point,we recently had an argument about our teenage daughter and i had called her while she was on shift to ask her to explain something to me,she proceeded to talk to me like i was a dog,or an idiot,she was demeaning and even yelled a few times,,,this whole discusion i later found out happened with her partner sitting next to her in the vehicle,now i dunno about anyone else but imo noone should ever broadcast a marital argument in front of a co worker,especialy one of the opisite sex,,it lets the partner know theres trouble at home and if hes that kinda guy he might take that as a sign to make a move,,,well i,was furious and wen she came home the next morning i confronted her about my suspitions and she couldnt face me,was crying,and if guilt looked like water she was lookin like the ocean,,i asked her " how could you do this to us"? She replied , it just happened,,i freaked out , lost it,broke some furniture and told her she had beter start explaining,,she sed she thought i was asking about talking to me on the phone the way she did and insisted she didnt do anything " sexual" ,,i told her if she was gona lie she could just leave ,so then she claimed that he had only tried to kiss her and that she pushed him away,,and finaly claimed that absolutly nothing happened,no sex , no kiss,that she only sed that because she thought id make her leave if she didnt admit to something,,dont get me wrong folks imtreat my wife like a princess so its not like she was scared i would hurt her or something,,so anyway in the four hour talk that ensued i told her the only way i could ever move forward with her is that id go out and find myself a one night stand,,she was crushed but told me that if imdid she would accept it and again insisted she didnt do anything with this guy,,now im definetly NOT into haveing sex with anyone outside my mariage,and its not something that im goin tomdo ,its a definet no way cuz thats not me,,but im lost now didmshe agree to let me do that out of guilt because shes guilty or does she relize that i cant move forward with her unless thing are equal ,,crap im just lost on this,any advice wld be great,,,even if you tell me to go take a xanex lol


Sounds like there is something up between the two of them. The deamaning of you in front of him is a Red Flag Signal. God only knows she probably told him that you guys aren't getting along etc, hence why the bul..l**** that flowed out of her mouth at you.

You confronted too early. You need to gather quality proof. Your situation in doing this is difficult given that they work 24 Hours straight together so any funny business they might get up too will probably be done at work, especially if they work alone.

For starters i would VAR her car and install a GPS Tracker in it that she doesn't know about.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

Mrclueless,



Tell her you are going to see a lawyer, that you can live a lie and will file for D.



D is not an act, is a process you can stop anytime, besides most lawyers give free first hour consultation.



She is afraid of and is in Damage Control / Self Preservation mode, so you are not going to get the truth by waiting.



Definitely you should cool down and remain calm while talking to her.



Did you talk to OM?



Is she still working with him?



This is a place to not just ask, but vent... so use it as you need it. Even if you don?t want to post anymore keep reading and keep learning, you need to know what to do next.



Good luck


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