# I seriously need advice



## Needsadvise (Dec 10, 2009)

I seriously need advice:
I have being married for 5 years now and it has being a hard and exhausting battle to keep my marriage together and it has reached the point where I am feeling so hurt and weak that this marriage can’t continue in the same direction. I am now seriously considering leaving him next year. 
I don’t know where to start the first two years was continuous fighting but nothing that couldn’t be work through. I was married at eighteen so from the second year right through the third I started resenting my marriage believing that it had robbed my youth. But I then fell pregnant and the baby brought joy to my heart and I felt this was a good thing. My pregnancy and the first 6 months after my son’s birth was the best. 
Then as I thought my life couldn’t be better as all the fights were set in the past the biggest disappointment of all came to my attention. My husband had started a virtual relationship with someone and it started to get serious I found this out 1 day after he had met her for coffee. My earth rattled I couldn’t think, eats or do anything. I confronted him and he swore nothing happened and that he was so sorry. He did not speak to her for three months in the meantime I fell pregnant again. It was really hard to be pregnant so soon after my first son and I needed his love and attention more than ever. At that point I also found out he was “chatting” to the same girl again. This time I really felt my heart shatter on the floor but he once again stopped and we worked it through with a counselor. Things started looking up then one day I started suspecting he was unfaithful again I was 6 months pregnant by now and I was right he was speaking to the same girl again. I could read their messages and new that he hasn’t yet seen her since the first time. But I couldn’t take it anymore and left him. We were separated until the birth of my son then he came back and asked me for one last chance. I gave it to him thinking of the kids and I still loved him. 
It has now being about 8 months and he has definitely changed for the better, but I can’t shake the pain, I can’t trust him, at all. This is causing me more pain and resentment and I feel as if I should walk out. I know he hasn’t being doing anything wrong but I don’t think I love him anymore. Can this be worked out for the childrens sake or is it beter I stop trying?


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

NA, imagine that fell off a ladder while putting up Christmas lights. You were in a bit of a rush, and that last nail was just a smidge out of reach so you leaned...and leaned...and FELL.

Concrete isn't very forgiving and you landed with a sickening thud, one the point of your right shoulder. As you hit, you felt electric pain and an odd painful "pop". You lay there for a moment, groggily gazing up at the sky, trying to gather the courage to sit up.

Tears streaming down your face, you shamble inside and call for your husband. He sees you and your shattered arm, dirty, and clutched to your chest.

Astonished he asks "what happened" as he absently reaches for his car keys. Ushering you to his car, and gingerly buckles you in.

Backing out of the driveway like the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, he darts off for the nearest Urgent Care facility.

You get there and check in and a heavy set woman begans to drone on about Hippa forms and insurance cards, consent to treat forms, and..... (I still hate you for Hippa, T. Kennedy) 

After 90 minutes of suffering in silence, you are called back to a cubicle, where another heavy set hispanic woman cheerfully takes your vitals, and assures you that the Dr. will be with you shortly.

After another 45 minutes your Dr. arrives. He takes a brief history, and then quickly steps out while he asks you to put a gown on so he can better examine your R shoulder.

He returns moments later with a female assitant and begins to palpate your shoulder. His attention is immediately drawn to the "point of your shoulder" where your collar bone joins with your shoulder blade. At this point he repeats part of your story back to you saying "you fell onto your shoulder, correct?" He takes his finger and plinks it down on the end of your collar bone which you notice now stands strangely raised. He mutters positive "p something sign".

He then turns to his assistant and orders a series of X-rays; one of which has you standing with a small weight in your hand.

Another 20 minutes pass, (clinics suck), and he returns and puts your films up on a light table. He begins to describe ligaments that connect your collar bone to your shoulder blade, an AC something or another. He also describes some other ligaments that connect some goofy cora-something to your clavicle. What?

You're not quite even sure what a ligament is so you ask him. He apologizes for not being more clear He tells you a ligament connects a bone to a bone, and provides static stability, whatever that is.

He says you likely have a grade 3 shoulder separation, and goes through a long list of things you will need to do as well as avoid. He places the shoulder in a sling, and prescribes you some medication to "take the edge off". 

At this point your are somewhat concerned, as you notice again that "ugly" raised asymmetrical collar bone of yours. You sheepishly ask "Dr. will this thing ever go back down." He looks at you and says "I'm sorry, but when you stretch these things out, they stay stretched out." "Your shoulder will heal, and wil eventually feel much the same, but it will never quite look the same as it did." "I'm sorry", he says as he quietly exits the room.

That my dear is your marriage. It will and can heal. It will take time and lots of work, but sadly it will never quite look the same as it did before it was injured. LIL


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Needsadvise said:


> It has now being about 8 months and he has definitely changed for the better, but I can’t shake the pain, I can’t trust him, at all. This is causing me more pain and resentment and I feel as if I should walk out. I know he hasn’t being doing anything wrong but I don’t think I love him anymore. Can this be worked out for the childrens sake or is it beter I stop trying?


You can only trust people to be themselves. Once you get that picture, life gets a bit easier. He may well have decided to put you first, he may not. But if he treats you well and seems to really demonstrate love - enjoy it. If he lets you down again one day... well that is in the future. There are no "sure things" in this life. My first ever boss once said to me, "a measure of your spirituality is how much uncertainty you can live with".


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