# Internet killed my already troubled marriage



## Mrvann202 (Sep 20, 2010)

This is therapy that I really needed. First off let me thank ANYONE that reads this and can give me some advice.

I've been married 10 years, been with my wife for about 18 years on & off. During an off period (me doing 4 years in the Feds), she told me on Christmas she had a son. Just to give some history, when met, she had a 2 year old daughter. She came up in a very rough neighborhood and family full of drug sellers and users. I came up in the hood too, but my family was pretty much drug free. Her family and friends used to say that I was the best thing to happen to her. My family at first didn't want us together, but "love" prevailed and we stayed together all this time. She's the mother of our nine year old who's a daddy's girl 100%. I must admit that I dote on my daughter for the simple fact that my dad didn't show me and my brothers alot of love as kids. I was raised with a step mother that I love very much, and I tried to treat my 2 step kids a little better than I was treated.

I've left my wife before, before we were married and my daughter. I left because I felt she didn't show me enough attention. She would constantly have her girlfriends over and their friends and all I wanted to do was chill with wifey. Eventually I came back to her and we were good for a while. I was about to leave again a few years later because of similar issues on top of our sex life was full of me begging for it and her constantly saying no. I talk to my wife, I tell her exactly what I want, what my needs are, and as a man, sex is very high on the list. She NEVER asks to make love, every single time it is me asking her. You may say "he's exaggerating",but unfortunately it is God's honest truth! I am not an unattractive man by far and I am an attentive lover, so I wonder why doesn't she ever want to make love? I respect the ring (it is a covenant between us and God), and I am deathly afraid of D.C.'s high disease rate so I don't cheat on her.

A couple of years ago, I signed up for a social network sight, just off a whim. My wife was net surfing and popped up on the site making sure everyone knew we were married, which was cool with me, I wasn't on their to cheat. We both soon signed up for Facebook. After one of our arguments years ago, she un-friended me on both sites, but she has all of my family members and mutual friends. I've told her that since she blocked me as a friend, then she should be the one to send a friend request too add me back. I've seen her send guys messages like looking good, and requests for private messages. She is obsessed with Snood Dogg and I found out recently that they hung out at a hotel by seeing pics of facebook. 

A couple of weeks ago, I found out she had a Twitter account and I found a tweet from some dude that was sexual in nature. I've never really thought about her cheating on me but in the recent years, I've been less secure in thoughts. I moved out alot of my stuff from the house and now sleep on the couch. If I could afford rent a room, I would have left. I love my wife, but don't trust her anymore. I feel as though how can she spend all her time chatting with these dudes that don't want anything but sex, while you have an attractive, intelligent, hard working husband that you treat like ****.

My wife is the type of person that never admits she's wrong. She never asks me how's my day or is everything alright with you. She doesn't communicate with me at all. Even when we were good, we never could really talk to each other. When we get mad, we just don't speak to each other. Every time we make up, it's me saying this is enough and I'd try to make up with her. My wife will come in the house and talk for hours with her girlfriends but if I don't say something to her, we'll sit in the bed and watch tv in silence. Sometimes I use to just sit there and see how long it will take for her to talk to me and it would be hours sometimes. Well, I've decided not to be the one to initiate conversations and It's been 2 months since we've said a word to each other, 4 months without sex. The other weekend, on a Thursday, I came home from work and my family was gone. On a Sunday I decided to call my wife to make sure they weren't kidnapped or something and wifey tells me that she's in Vegas. WTF?? Your marriage is in shambles and you're in Vegas? With who? Never did find out. She's the type that say none of your business and I'm supposed to accept it.

I don't know what to do. I thought about counseling, but I'm like what can someone else say to my wife that I haven't already? I've heard that communication is the key, and I try to talk to her, tell her what I want and what I need. But when I ask her to change her ways, she says she will but then goes back to the same old cold woman. I try to cuddle with my wife and she'll push me away. I try to be loving and caring, and make sure she feels safe and secure, and provide for her, but I'm tired of being the good guy. I need love and attention and I tell her but she doesn't listen. After 10 years, should I face the fact that my wife won't change, after I don't know how many times I've told her exactly what I wanted her to change, but she's never specific with me with my faults? I don't know how to reach her and I honestly don't know if I want to.


----------



## cxf33 (May 30, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cxf33 (May 30, 2010)

My impression is that she is already too far away. I don't think she wants the same things as you. You should prepare yourself to fully let her go. I am not a marriage expert, but that is what I see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mrvann202 (Sep 20, 2010)

Thanks, cf. I think she is just too comfortable with me. The only time I get any attention is when I threaten to leave. She knows that I'm not financially able to move and that's her saving grace. Plus the fact that I love my daughter and wanted to raise her in a household with both parents. I want to make it work, but I don't think she understands what it takes to maintain a healthy marriage. I try to do the little things to make a woman happy. I clean, I'm the better cook, I buy her the best gifts, I get my tail up and go to work everyday. I consider myself a gentleman and I know her friends are a bit jealous of the life I've given her. In return, all I wanted was her respect and attention. I didn't mind that she didn't buy comparable gifts for me, but when she started being suspicious, chatting on facebook and spent more time being mean instead of appreciating life, that's when I said enough is enough.


----------



## cxf33 (May 30, 2010)

I think you should assume the worst case scenario about how she feels about you and act towards her as if that is the case. Let her prove this wrong. I am definitely not saying for you to act mean towards her at all. Your daughter will respect you for being a gentleman. Over a bit of time you can devise a plan to move out and still make your daughter a significant part of your life. If she doesn't prove you wrong for a prolonged period, say 6 months, then don't regress to the current state f affairs for your own sanity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Brioli (Sep 6, 2010)

Mrvann202 said:


> Thanks, cf. I think she is just too comfortable with me.



Just want to say there is no such thing as a woman being "too comfortable" There are plenty of women who don't take advantage of being in this wonderful place, and every woman requires this stable, comfortable feeling, in order to be happy. It's a happy place for us, but then there are others who take it for granted. 

It's not about how comfortable she is. It's whether or not she is taking you for granted...


----------



## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Do not confuse your woman being "too comfortable" with the fact that your woman does not respect you.

You are serving her, being a nice guy, and sleeping on the couch and in a sexless relationship, while your woman seeks attention from sexual men online and in vegas.

This scenario is nothing new, and the solution for you to stop behaving in these ways that encourage your woman to keep not respecting you, and to start behaving in ways that both increase your womans respect for you and your own respect for yourself.

Knock off the flowers and better communication and gentlmen nonsense, and stand up for what you and your woman both want.

And if you are having an hour or so to look into this issue deeper, get comfortable with a cold beer and start with this thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/16221-how-about-them-apples.html

I wish you well.


----------

