# Are the fantasies of the average man shaped by porn?



## Azure (Oct 8, 2012)

I have been thinking about this a lot recently. I feel that a lot of men's sexual fantasies or what they consider to be "hot" in a girl or in sex is shaped by the porn industry. I say this because my H tells me he had an unfulfilling sex life with his ex. Him and I have an awesome chemistry and have sex all the time. I secretly credit my ability to satisfy him to having watched porn myself. Frankly, some stuff is not intuitive. He also asks me to do very specific things that I know are common in porn films. I don't want to get specific because it's pretty explicit stuff but they are definitely not part of your steamy romance novel sex scenes. Do you think this is true? Even the attraction to certain attire/professions: librarian, secretary, nurse, MILF, whatever...and especially girl on girl action. Would you say there is a collective fantasy in today's society shaped by porn? 

disclaimer: This is not a thread to bash porn at all.


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## daysgoneby (Aug 31, 2013)

Yes, I too think the porn industry has an effect on peoples desires, there is even a movie about this called Don Jon. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuPXDuqicmo

Ten years ago I visited my Grandmother who at the time was 85 and in a her nursing home, she was watching a tv series about sex https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e21gJ5K-VZQ,
She was very disappointed that she never had a good sex life.

So I'm sure porn has shaped my desires to a point, seeing the regret of my grandmother has had a far bigger impact on me.


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## Azure (Oct 8, 2012)

LOL that tv series clip is hilarious..my H would say what the call-in wife's H was saying 

I haven't seen Don Jon but will check it out. Thanks for your input


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## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

You guys gotta be kidding me. :rofl:

We watch porn too occasionally, but in particular, I don't necessarily like all the 'actions' in the movie to be brought into reality by the wifey. :scratchhead:

I also want to add, subscribing to Holywood (or what's porn capital, Van Nuys?) isn't necessarily healthy for your lifestyle in general. You can supplement, but not subsist.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Azure said:


> I have been thinking about this a lot recently. I feel that a lot of men's sexual fantasies or what they consider to be "hot" in a girl or in sex is shaped by the porn industry. I say this because my H tells me he had an unfulfilling sex life with his ex. Him and I have an awesome chemistry and have sex all the time. I secretly credit my ability to satisfy him to having watched porn myself. Frankly, some stuff is not intuitive. He also asks me to do very specific things that I know are common in porn films. I don't want to get specific because it's pretty explicit stuff but they are definitely not part of your steamy romance novel sex scenes. Do you think this is true? Even the attraction to certain attire/professions: librarian, secretary, nurse, MILF, whatever...and especially girl on girl action. Would you say there is a collective fantasy in today's society shaped by porn?
> 
> disclaimer: This is not a thread to bash porn at all.


I do not really find watching a couple have sex that erotic. I know that makes me unusual, but I am sure I am not unique. I would suggest that it has had very little effect on men such as myself.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Azure said:


> I have been thinking about this a lot recently. I feel that a lot of men's sexual fantasies or what they consider to be "hot" in a girl or in sex is shaped by the porn industry. I say this because my H tells me he had an unfulfilling sex life with his ex. Him and I have an awesome chemistry and have sex all the time. I secretly credit my ability to satisfy him to having watched porn myself. Frankly, some stuff is not intuitive. He also asks me to do very specific things that I know are common in porn films. I don't want to get specific because it's pretty explicit stuff but they are definitely not part of your steamy romance novel sex scenes. Do you think this is true? Even the attraction to certain attire/professions: librarian, secretary, nurse, MILF, whatever...and especially girl on girl action. Would you say there is a collective fantasy in today's society shaped by porn?
> 
> disclaimer: This is not a thread to bash porn at all.


Hemingway said, "We read to discover our truest selves". I would answer your question by saying porn MAY SERVE to liberate sexual expression that was safely locked up. Porn is not creative, it is expressive. All expression can be contemplated, considered and ultimately accepted or rejected. To some extent, porn may normalize sexual shame some carry deeply within (much like 'Fifty Shades of Grey'). Like anything else there is a continuum... Obsessed on one side and uninterested on the other. 

Porn can be beautiful & exciting as well as exploitive & disgusting. It's certainly addictive and should be handled with caution.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

well DH swears he doesn't watch porn and he says he has no fantasies to tell so...who the hell knows.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

i think porn shapes men's fantasies as equally as romance novels shapes women's expectations. Which varies depending on the user for both genders


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I won't attempt to answer the question for anyone but myself, the only person for whom I am authorized to hold an opinion. 

I don't care for a large chunk of mainstream pornography. I have no interest in having my partner fake pleasure and wild abandon. I certainly have no interest in a vast array of things that seem to be staples in the industry and for which I have never understood the allure. 

Porn is erotic and engaging when it shows two people enjoying an unscripted mutually satisfying experience that attempts to appear genuine. So while there is certainly porn that follows this blueprint, I wouldn't say it has shaped my expectation of sex, which was always bent in that direction anyways.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

badsanta said:


> As much as I ask my wife to try to make herself all pixelated just like having to use compression from poor primetime bandwidth and for her moans to be about three to four seconds out of sync with reality, she just can not seem to do it!


You need a lower quality wife or a higher quality internet connection. You should ask Santa for one or the other this Christmas.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I've led a sheltered life and avoided porn for the most part.

When my best buddy moved to Panama he endowed me with his substantial porn collection (3-5cu ft boxes of cassettes) which I eventually tossed.

The little porn I have seen (my buddy's) seemed bizzare and freaky. Way more funny than sexy. Maybe wasn't representative of 'cutting edge' porn?

But again; sheltered life, love vanilla sex. Won't go there unless Mrs. HD wants to.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Speaking of hilarious; remember when Travis Bickle took Cybill Shepard to a porn movie on their 1st or second date?
When she was horrified and ran out of the theater, he ran after her and told her "honey, what's wrong? A lot of couples do this!" classic


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Yes. I think my daughter (19) will be expected or pressured into doing acts that she is not comfortable with because the guys around her age have been inundated with porn since a young age.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> Yes. I think my daughter (19) will be expected or pressured into doing acts that she is not comfortable with because the guys around her age have been inundated with porn since a young age.


If that is the case then I hope you taught your daughters to stand up for themselves and own their own sexuality. That is what I will emphasize with mine


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> i think porn shapes men's fantasies as equally as romance novels shapes women's expectations. Which varies depending on the user for both genders


There is a difference in that only about 25% of women read romance novels. About 98% of men use porn regularly. With such a large difference in usage, clearly porn would have a much greater impact.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> There is a difference in that only about 25% of women read romance novels. About 98% of men use porn regularly. With such a large difference in usage, clearly porn would have a much greater impact.


Your opinion. I also include romantic comedies, romance novels, romantic movies all in the same category. I have looked at porn. I don't expect my Gf to act that way.

She reads romance noveles, loves that horrible notebook movie. She doesn't expect me to act the way those men act in those dramatizations. 

So my point is the stimuli is out there in media/entertainment telling you all sorts of crap. What's attractive, how to act, how to dress how to eat, how to live, how to do everything. It's up to the consumer of that product to decide what they want to take from that source and what they want to decide for themselves.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Your opinion. I also include romantic comedies, romance novels, romantic movies all in the same category. I have looked at porn. I don't expect my Gf to act that way.
> 
> She reads romance noveles, loves that horrible notebook movie. She doesn't expect me to act the way those men act in those dramatizations.
> 
> So my point is the stimuli is out there in media/entertainment telling you all sorts of crap. What's attractive, how to act, how to dress how to eat, how to live, how to do everything. It's up to the consumer of that product to decide what they want to take from that source and what they want to decide for themselves.


The most recent addition to all of this is youtube, and all the wedding proposals, prom invites...


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

No. It's the other way around.

Porn is based on male fantasies.

They want to make money, there's only going to do that if they give the audience what they want. You don't make money by telling your audience what they want.

However, no doubt, there were things that men fantasied about but didn't think they had a chance of receiving (i.e. a blowjob in the 1950's). They see it in porn and feel more comfortable asking for it and have a higher expectation of receiving it.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I think porn can definitely leave an imprint on the brain, particularly when porn typically is our first exposure to sex. I am talking about when someone first experiences sexual material when they are young...it has the potential of initializing how one views sexuality or what it means to be sexual.

Years later, some will be able to compartmentalize the fantasy and some will latch onto an aspect of what they saw and desire to reenact. I am not a fetishist, so I don't know how people discover that they _need_ certain stimuli in their sexual practices, but the internet certainly created a community for every predilection.

For those with kids, I would focus on targeting and encouraging personal authenticity, so that ultimately their sexuality would be an authentic expression of themselves and not just aping what they saw on a glossy pictorial.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Is "Secretary" considered a romance film?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> Your opinion. I also include romantic comedies, romance novels, romantic movies all in the same category. I have looked at porn. I don't expect my Gf to act that way.
> 
> *She reads romance noveles, loves that horrible notebook movie. She doesn't expect me to act the way those men act in those dramatizations.*
> 
> So my point is the stimuli is out there in media/entertainment telling you all sorts of crap. What's attractive, how to act, how to dress how to eat, how to live, how to do everything. It's up to the consumer of that product to decide what they want to take from that source and what they want to decide for themselves.


It kinda bums me out how other men here feel Romance is so overplayed.. my husband isn't like this at all. He has watched *The Notebook* with me about 3 + times over the years.... he's always enjoyed our watching movies together... ...asking him sitting here ... he too, feels it can be Unrealistic ...building this rich house after she went off with another man waiting/hoping for her return.. that's not going to happen in real life ! 

Yet I could easily compare his devotion to the "FEEL" of that movie ...our fights could be volatile like that too -(due to my feisty temperament) .... he says he is not that quirky with the Romantic gestures ...(laying on the road - some of the scenes)..but we'll both agree.. he can be MUSHY.. I adore this...I have to wonder how rare this really is among males ??

He once used a scene from that movie..in one of our deep talks -about my fears in growing old..how I would rather just BE DEAD over loosing my memory (I can not stand the idea of being a burden).. and he said he would be just like NOAH.. be right beside me reading to me, if there was any hope to jar my memory, that would be his home/ I am his life..... he got me bawling that night...











And me.. I enjoy Porn and I want to be his personal porn star....watching has SPICED up the sex life.... the crazy thing is.. I am more into trying NEW and WILD things over him.. One could say I overly meet his expectations in this department as he is more on the Tame "love making" side to begin with... if anything I have wanted MORE out of [email protected] ..is this backwards or what! 

Because he meets ALL of my Romantic longings...somehow this makes up for it..

He learned everything he knew about sex from reading Playboy articles in his youth.. (I guess this shows our age)...I think he needed more hard core stuff , to be honest, so he could have shaken it up a bit.. we were pretty vanilla for many yrs. (not that I minded I was happy)

..I guess it's a very different world today with the Internet, Red tube / endless tiitilating /explicit sexual everything imaginable, / every position/ all the fake boobs ...I bet some men are shocked when they get to see a normal body unclothed.



> *WorkingOnMe said*: *Is "Secretary" considered a romance film*?


I had watched this but I guess I didn't see what the big allure was.. in comparison to other movies, can't say it did much for me...not on the romantic front anyway. I remember FW has mentioning this movie before...maybe more on an Erotic appeal..


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Lol ok I admit I didn't like the notebook but I do like some of the romantic comedies out there. I guess the difference being when you watch one with a woman and she laughs with you vs looks at you and says "why don't you do those types of things ". 

As entertainment I have no problem with women or men liking porn or romantic fantasy movies. The problem comes when you see those things and then can't come out of the fantasy world of that medium to realize the real world isn't that way. That's when it becomes damaging to relationships but not everyone takes such things to extreme.


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## Hammond_B3 (Oct 31, 2014)

This may be a tad off subject, but many advances in website technology came about from the porn industry. Do you think this will work, "Hey honey I'm just watching this porn site to get ideas for my web site"


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

If the risk of having your view of sexuality irreparably warped by porn or the romance industry is so high, why aren't the posters here admitting to it? We always talk about these issues in a disconnected third person frame of reference where "other people" will be poisoned by this insidious evil, yet clearly _we_ aren't nearly so corruptible. 

It all feels like a horribly unsupported slippery slope argument. Fer crying out loud, look at some of the erotic imagery that came out of Japan or India or similar cultures. Has the Kama Sutra so infected our minds that no one short of the gymnasts are having sex, or do we look at it, raise an eyebrow, and go on our merry way, ignoring what isn't relevant and incorporating some of what is?

This to me smacks much more of the older generation doing what the older generation is wont to do - decry the depravity of "those darn kids these days". 

I have a 23 year old son. I'm going to ask him straight up if the men in his cohort are finding relationships in a post porn apocalypse more difficult. He has a long term girlfriend. His roommate has a long term girlfriend. Their mutual friend just got married. Seems to me they're living, loving, screwing, and enjoying life just like we did when porn came to dad's mailbox in a brown paper wrapper.

And if porn does affect your fantasies, so what? Being exposed to variety in life, including sex, is generally a good thing. It doesn't mandate that your partner agree to participate, and if you think you're entitled to have what you want just because you want it, you have bigger problems than porn in your life.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

In today's world girls are watching porn. Are they learning this stuff themselves?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> Lol ok I admit I didn't like the notebook but I do like some of the romantic comedies out there. I guess the difference being when you watch one with a woman and she laughs with you *vs looks at you and says "why don't you do those types of things *".


 I've only done this during porn...isn't that ironic...and said "LOOK..can you do this baby?"... he could use a little more *DOG* [email protected]#$ ...

Slap my a$$, pull my hair, push me up against the wall......but when it comes to romance, I've told him he could blow any of those scenes away.. with some of the things he's said to me in a moment, they have set me in the mountain top.. 



> As entertainment I have no problem with women or men liking porn or romantic fantasy movies. The problem comes when you see those things and then can't come out of the fantasy world of that medium to realize the real world isn't that way. That's when it becomes damaging to relationships but not everyone takes such things to extreme.


 Anymore from reading so many posts here from women, they don't seem all that romantic to me... it's not something they complain about.. 

Though all women care about affection, being listened to, feeling she is his #1 priority.. these will always be important.. for a fulfilling marriage..and if she appreciates a surprise now & then, by golly don't forget a gift in hand...I think the majority are realistic..

I really don't feel men are asking too much either, but I am probably speaking out of my own situation here...since I love his wanting me to be sexually adventurous...I thank God for the testosterone running through his veins ...If he didn't want me to eat him up, I'd be mad ! I find it very endearing personally ...and love to satisfy..


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I've watched some porn. I don't find the mainstream stuff interesting, and I'm not particularly attracted to professional porn stars (or most actresses). Mostly I enjoy the amateur stuff which generally presents a somewhat more realistic image of sex. 

I do watch some fetish / BDSM stuff, and while specific things may become part of fantasies, they are just components. I view BDSM as almost entirely "pure" fantasy, not something I want to do. 

It is possible that it has caused more subtle changes in my expectations for sex. The only ways though that I'm not happy with my current sex life a frequency (1/week if lucky), and my wifes unwillingness to do oral. The second could be influenced by porn where oral sex is shown as common, but I think it is actually pretty common in the real world. 


I think romantic stories also have a real but subtle effect on expectations. As I mentioned in another thread, the image of a "poor artist" who has a 5000 square foot loft in Manhattan, and who can take his girlfriend on horse-drawn carriage rides and to fancy dinners very much distorts the idea of what it is like to try to be in a relationship when you are poor. Same for the "happy poor people" dancing and singing belowdecks on the Titanic.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Is "Secretary" considered a romance film?


I love that movie and it is most definitely is romantic, IMO.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Are they? Well not the free porn.


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## droll (Nov 11, 2014)

It's possible, actually in this generation some of the teens and some adults are involved in the porn industry. Me I like to watch porn before I make out with my wife it's make more aggressive and hot.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Porn is great when you're single/not getting any. When I'm with a woman I don't really watch it, and don't think about porn or porn type sex when doing the real thing. A lot of those positions are just uncomfortable and don't feel that great, imo. 

Don Jon was funny.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I was thinking about this question last night and realized that porn shaped MY fantasies. 
In porn,the men are always hard and ready and passionate if not a little caveman-ish. Depending on what you're looking at,the sex is spontaneous and can be had just about anywhere. 

I fantasize about my husband being hard,ready,and passionate as well as open to spontaneity.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

And reality TV is not reality :rofl: I'm not suggesting that porn will not provide some level of suggestions or excitation, but we also need to understand that the realty we see in porn films, not always as accurate as portrayed, lots of editing does take place. 

However I will say porn did help my wife, in terms on how to give BJs.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I was thinking about this question last night and realized that porn shaped MY fantasies.
> In porn,the men are always hard and ready and passionate if not a little caveman-ish. Depending on what you're looking at,the sex is spontaneous and can be had just about anywhere.
> 
> *I fantasize about my husband being hard,ready,and passionate as well as open to spontaneity*.


Is your fantasy because of the porn, or is the porn a visual representation of your fantasy?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Is your fantasy because of the porn, or is the porn a visual representation of your fantasy?


I'm not sure where else I would have gotten the fantasy idea of how men are supposed to be sexually other than porn. I never really talked to anyone about men or sex


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'm not sure where else I would have gotten the fantasy idea of how men are supposed to be sexually other than porn. I never really talked to anyone about men or sex


What you describe as your fantasy is oh so common...it is basically a confident guy overcome with lust and not afraid of assertively taking you. I think it very possibly could be what your mind created, and wanted subconsciously, but didn't consciously recognize until you saw it.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> What you describe as your fantasy is oh so common...it is basically a confident guy overcome with lust and not afraid of assertively taking you. I think it very possibly could be what your mind created, and wanted subconsciously, but didn't consciously recognize until you saw it.


I don't want to be taken assertively these days. I just want some enthusiasm and a hard **** from my husband.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I don't want to be taken assertively these days. I just want some enthusiasm and a hard **** from my husband.



Less stress, an erection is a matter of several issues:

1. Healthy robust parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest)

2. Healthy cardiovascular system (lower blood pressure along with healthy heart rate)

3. Hormone levels (testosterone, cortisol and thyroxine) all within normal limits.

It is hard (excuse the pun) to expect one of those to automatically trump the other . I realize you may not want to be assertive, but suggestions of a physical and getting in regular regiment of healthy living (healthy diet and exercise) might be something to gently hint toward. 

I wish you both best in your marriage. Sending you both Aloha.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Ikaika said:


> Less stress, an erection is a matter of several issues:
> 
> 1. Healthy robust parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest)
> 
> ...


Thanks for the suggestions. We've tried these things though. He is normal hormonally and he's healthy. He just has issues.Always has.

Anyway,I was just posting my two cents about the topic.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

My guess is that a lot of people only find out about anal sex from porn--men and women both.

Assigning it as important?

No.

BTW, I watched "The Notebook" once with an open mind. It was mindnumbingly boring. But the wife loves it. I watched it a second time as a favor.

The third time? I declined unless she would watch Several Star Trek movies in a row with me.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

"The Guide for Getting it On", which every married couple should own (or something similar) will teach you just about everything you'll ever see in mainstream porn, with a few exceptions. Hell, you can even learn how to have sex in a wheelchair.

We bought "101 Nights of Great Sex" a couple of decades ago. Just about everything in that book was an act my wife had never considered, most of which she is still unwilling to do, and it's pretty tame by my standards.

Should we complain that a self help book for couples is raising unreasonable expectations?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> Yes. I think my daughter (19) will be expected or pressured into doing acts that she is not comfortable with because the guys around her age have been inundated with porn since a young age.


I think this is one of those perennial fears that women have...just like being abandoned for a younger model.

I think the occurrence is far lower than the size of the fear. Cause the girl is the gate keeper.

"Honey, can we do XXXX?"

"Are you nuts?" tone of withering disdain.

"Oh...okay." Sure he pouts but he wants to get laid and the whole 'half a loaf is better than none' always applies.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I think the big selling point of porn is 'passion'!

The position, the costume, the fake moans. All those things are signals: "I want you so damned much that I'll take it up the butt/wear some polyvinyl/scream like a banshee/do this incredibly degrading and immoral thing...FOR YOU!"

And for a few minutes, the guy can pretend to be that guy.

It is, essentially, the exact same thing that women really want from a guy...but with a few different signals (less butt and polyvinyl, more personal sacrifice)

That may be a personal interpretation, but hey, I'll argue it over a beer.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

michzz said:


> My guess is that a lot of people only find out about anal sex from porn--men and women both.
> 
> Assigning it as important?
> 
> No.


It's important enough when you're the object.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Porn can and does have a huge affect on men. 

You can have your sexuality programmed just by masturbating to certain things.

How many men wanted their wife to have sex with other men, and the reality blew up in their face. 

Studies shown a majority have issues after that.

I forgot , there was a thread on here where the husband wanted the wife to sleep with someone.

She did, and fell in love.

Husband couldn't handle it, and begged his wife not to leave and promise to seek therapy.

So , when I watch porn, I make sure I am fantasizing that I am that guy fvcking that cheerleader squad, plus the teacher, and throw in the school nurse as well.

Also fetishes become stronger the more it is fed.

So I branch out my porn, so I don't get stuck on style.

Also I limit it to one hour per week.

Wasn't there also another thread on here where the husband was eventually only turned on by porn?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

michzz said:


> My guess is that a lot of people only find out about anal sex from porn--men and women both.


Um...no. It has a long history in the East and the West. Catamite is a Latin word for a very select kind of male personal slave.

Locker room, literature, Greek vases, Japanese woodcuts...

The only thing universal is every new generation thinks they invented sex and no one else ever thought about the wide variety of combinations of how Tab D and Slot C fit together...along with the other variety of slots on both genders.


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## Azure (Oct 8, 2012)

Great responses! Just a few comments

Michzz, I will disagree in that anal sex is something that's been done for 1000s of years and I actually read about it in a historical book as a young teen as opposed to finding out about it via porn.

However, I do think porn glorifies specific sexual acts including bjs- nearly every porn video starts with and spends sooo much time on BJs, doggy style, anal sex, girl on girl- I feel like every modern Western man wants to see two hot girls making out, whereas this is something that was probably foreign to other cultures pre-globalization/worldwide internet usage- etc. 

My H is pretty young (we're in our 20s) and is very HD. He's made many comments that make me wonder how much his fantasies were influenced by porn. One example, he has this fascination with female squirting. How many women can actually squirt? Most women don't even know what that is.

Buddy400, I thought perhaps porn is an expression of male fantasies before posting my question. I think, yes, to a certain extent, but, there are other ideas that are implanted into a young man's mind and associated with sex that would have otherwise never been linked w/o porn...which is why I say there is a collective fantasy.

Cletus, comparing a self-help guide to actual porn? The two are worlds apart.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Azure said:


> Cletus, comparing a self-help guide to actual porn? The two are worlds apart.


Why? You say it as if it's some sort of obvious universal self-evident truth. 

There's a company called The Sinclair Institute that makes self help videos (the "Better Sex" series) that are by every definition of the word porn produced with the explicit intent to teach.

Watch one and tell me the how worlds apart porn and self help really are.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Azure said:


> Buddy400, I thought perhaps porn is an expression of male fantasies before posting my question. I think, yes, to a certain extent, but, there are other ideas that are implanted into a young man's mind and associated with sex that would have otherwise never been linked w/o porn...which is why I say there is a collective fantasy.


I think collective fantasy is good term. I may be turned on by girls dressed in daisy dukes and high heels. Buddy may like latex. Both are marketed to men, so we are both 'blamed' for the other...and also that sick stuff with candles and racks which is very...specific.

"Here Mr. Daisy Dukes...maybe your like Latex Lola!" So men have the option of a wide range of sexual fantasies the same way a woman can have a wide range of trivets. She didn't know there was a frigging Garfield trivet whose tongue turned pink when hot until she saw the home shopping network. Same with guys and porn. Yes, they are introduced to new stuff but that doesn't mean that every guy goes from 'cheerleader undresses' to 'Mistress Vulgar drips hot wax on delicate bits'. 

I think there is a coarsening effect on a man's libido though if they are not careful.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Porn isn't some autonomous entity that created itself.

It's just a byproduct of the human imagination.

Are fantasised shaped by it? Absolutely. But it was first shaped by fantasy.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Great thread with many great posts. Several random thoughts...

Years ago all women were "natural" downstairs. Porn stars started trimming and many women suddenly were trimming. Porn stars started shaving completely and many women suddenly were shaving completely.

Years ago, spike or stiletto healed shoes where called "f**k me pumps" or "hooker heels" etc because only hookers and strippers wore them. After awhile they were being worn by women everywhere. The hookers and strippers had to come up with a new shoe so they went to the platform spike heals and guess what..... yep you can see women all over now wearing platform spike heals. Various fetish type clothing has also migrated into the mainstream as well. 

When I walk by a Victoria Secret store and look at the posters I think Porn. The very young women, what they are (or aren't wearing) and how they are presented are designed to arouse....thus porn. And if my young daughters are with me I cringe.

If you talk to the parents of young boys, its often the girls who are the ones "blowing up" the phones, writing explicit texts and sending suggestive (or explicit) pics. Just saying that is not just society acting on males but on females too.

I haven't read the porn books 50 Shades Of Grey but many people (women) have. I'm told the writing is atrocious but there does seem to have been at least one upside from this type of porn going mainstream and so well known. It has provided a window into an aspect of sexuality and type of relationship many hadn't known of or thought of previously and in its relative acceptance (coming to a theater near you soon..) cover to talk about, and possibly explore the elements that people find attractive. A recent date left the book out in plain view for the sole purpose of a possible conversation.

Porn has shown me things that I found interesting and enticing. Porn has also shown me things that I found unpleasant and even have been repulsed by. So yes it has shaped my tastes but probably not in only the way the OP asked the question.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I didn't watch the music award show that was on TV this weekend but the internet is full of pics, vids and write ups on who was there, what they wore, who sung what etc. If you have a look at this stuff what you'll find is a bunch of attractive women wearing "barely there" outfits. If you watch the performances you'll find some of the women moving their lady parts around in very suggestive ways. I'm willing to bet there were some young males (maybe females) in the audience who's fantasies were being shaped.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

JCD said:


> Um...no. It has a long history in the East and the West. Catamite is a Latin word for a very select kind of male personal slave.
> 
> Locker room, literature, Greek vases, Japanese woodcuts...
> 
> The only thing universal is every new generation thinks they invented sex and no one else ever thought about the wide variety of combinations of how Tab D and Slot C fit together...along with the other variety of slots on both genders.





Azure said:


> Great responses! Just a few comments
> 
> Michzz, I will disagree in that anal sex is something that's been done for 1000s of years and I actually read about it in a historical book as a young teen as opposed to finding out about it via porn.


I didn't say that there was no knowledge or participation in in the act historically.

I merely stated that a lot of men and women only find out about it from porn.

It was not a scholarly dissertation--sheesh.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Personal said:


> I loathe fake moans in porn.


Me too. I just hope that's not what either of us is getting in our respective bedrooms!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm not sure how much impact porn has on fantasies. I have to think a lot of what's shown in porn is an enactment of our fantasies. What I imagine it does do though is lead us to believe 'everyone else it doing it' so we should be too. 

That could be a good thing if it leads us to expand our boundaries to engage in something pleasurable that we otherwise wouldn't have.

It could also lead to problems if it leads someone to 'expect' something from their partner that they're not prepared to give.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Kind of skimmed through this. But my opinion is this is a chicken and the egg argument.
Porn caters to men's fantasies. They even break it into genre of specific kinks. So porn provides what men want to see. Men's fantasies influence the porn produced. 

I also don't know much about how other men pick their porn, but I'll feel a certain kink and pick the category. It is less common where that movie will show me something I haven't thought about and go 'oooh... gotta put that on my bucket list'...

But what I don't know is how my kinks became something I liked (or think I would like). My past sexual partners never introduced something like that into my head. It could be porn. Or it could just be some actress like LucyLu that gets my category to pick Asian... 

So it's sort of like saying did the pizza ads on tv influence your choice to like pizza, or is it they know you like pizza and make that ad to make theirs look like the best pizza ever. And lately, they been getting 'kinky' with non-traditional toppings.... So even though I've never tried fritos on a pizza, by seeing it will I start smothering a slice with my favorite chips? Who knows....


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> She reads romance noveles, loves that horrible notebook movie.


Wolf's wife:? "He loves those horrible porn movies!"


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

SurpriseMyself said:


> Wolf's wife:? "He loves those horrible porn movies!"


Or he could watch it for the mating habits of humans. I prefer the the rich tapestry of stories, the emotional drama, and the personal struggle to make it through compromising situations, or positions.


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## homerjay (Dec 12, 2014)

Only the uneducated men....

Sorry but once one is of a given age......it makes little sense to view porn ad reality...


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

This is a chicken and egg question. Where do you think the porn industry gets its ideas from? Thin air? 

Ding, ding, ding .... the answer is from men's fantasies. One fuels the other.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SurpriseMyself said:


> Wolf's wife:? "He loves those horrible porn movies!"


Wolf isn't married so have to find something else to be snarky about I'm afraid :smthumbup:


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

http://faculty.bennington.edu/~sherman/sex/whr-singh2002.pdf

Men have found the same thing sexually attractive for as long as they've been human. 

I'm not saying there's no effect - prevalence of desire for anal, etc., seems to be porn-influenced to me - but what men "find hot in a girl" is not arbitrary and is relatively unchanged across time and culture.


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## homerjay (Dec 12, 2014)

pb76no said:


> This is a chicken and egg question. Where do you think the porn industry gets its ideas from? Thin air?
> 
> Ding, ding, ding .... the answer is from men's fantasies. One fuels the other.


maybe. but who says they don't sit down and make this up? and why not? they're out for money, just as GM or Microsoft formulate new product ideas...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I found a study once and lost it, that correlated playmate's measurements with how well the economy was doing.

It turned out that when times were tough, we dudes liked curvier women, and when times were easy, we like skinnier ladies.

Or some such thing. I've never found it again.


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## Echos in Bongo Flight (Feb 16, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> I do not really find watching a couple have sex that erotic. I know that makes me unusual, but I am sure I am not unique. I would suggest that it has had very little effect on men such as myself.


My ex-husband was the same. He said I don't want to watch other people have sex. I want to HAVE sex. Gotta love that.


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