# Marriage blending



## 350396 (Jul 10, 2021)

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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You need to grow up. You’re supposed to be an adult in this marriage, frankly you sound like a child.
Did you do any preparations for being a stepmother, did you even read a book?


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## Elijah220 (Jun 26, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> You need to grow up. You’re supposed to be an adult in this marriage, frankly you sound like a child.
> Did you do any preparations for being a stepmother, did you even read a book?


That’s very helpful🙄🙄🙄


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

How long did you two date for before getting married? I don't believe for a second that any of these things just happened out of the blue all of a sudden after being married for a week.


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## Elijah220 (Jun 26, 2021)

Mangosmoothy said:


> Hi guys
> Not entirely sure where to start, let’s see I just got married we been married for a week. My husband had a child an she’s making things difficult, I understand blending families is harder than you can possibly imagine but I feel pushed aside and that I don’t matter here is the following things that have occurred; his child is manipulative and cries over the smallest things, they have been avoiding me and my kids the entire time they started staying here they have been running back to their old house all afternoon and not coming home until late in the evening and now they are just staying over there to please his child. Not sure what to think 💭


Children’s feelings are often more complex than our own in that they don’t always know how to explain or express how they feel. Family blending can be very difficult on them, and they often don’t know how to handle it. This can be made worse if time was not spent before the wedding interacting as a family already and allowing everyone to begin to adjust to each other and the new life they will soon live.

It also sounds as if your husband and his daughter are moving into your house. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if someone came to you and told you you were being forced out of the home and comfort you know and made to go and live a new life elsewhere? Your room was no longer your own. You now had to be forced into a new room that doesn’t feel at all like yours. Before you were comfortable doing daily things like watching tv or getting something to eat or drink. Now in this new place you’re not sure if these things are ok to do on your own. You don’t know how to feel, how to act, and all comfort is taken from you. And you don’t have a say in any of it. It is forced on you whether you like it or not, and you are told you must be happy about it. You wouldn’t like that either, I imagine, so a little understanding towards her can go a long way!

There are 3 vital steps you need to take:

1. You need to accept his child as your own in your heart. There can be no difference in how you treat his child and in how you treat your own. It is what you agreed to when you married a man with a child, and she will feel it if you don’t. She will then feel like an outcast and find more comfort in her old life and home of just her and her dad.

2. You and your husband must get on the same page!! If you are married he should not be taking her to live away from you just to suit her. He needs to help her accept and adjust to this new life and family. Running and hiding from the issues will not make that happen, it only prolongs it.

3. You need to make ALL of the children feel loved and comfortable enough to come and talk to you about their feelings, even if those feelings upset you. You have to put aside your feelings and remain calm. Try to see the world through their eyes and help them through this adjustment. With that you also need to set boundaries for ALL the children of what behaviours you will and will not accept.

It is difficult sometimes and takes a lot of work in the beginning, but it is work that is so very worth it in the end. The first time she hugs you and calls you mom will make you feel more amazing than you have ever felt, because you know you helped an innocent child through a very difficult time. And you did so in a way that encouraged love and trust rather than fighting and more resentment.


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