# Why do these bother me?



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

I've been noticing a trend more and more among my facebook friends these days. This one isn't nearly as bad as some, so I thought I could post it here for discussion without too big of an eruption.










The reaction I got when I posted a response to it (not from the OP mind you, but those riding to the defense of "these 4 qualities") was pretty funny to me, but I dropped it since I don't really want an argument on a friend's thread ... but maybe I should argue.

So what bothers me about this?

1. In my way of thinking, more often than not, I'm glad I don't get what I "deserve." Mind you, I don't mope around all the time thinking I'm a bad person, I just realize that "what I deserve" is such a used-car-salesman term (with apologies to any used care salesmen on here) used to try to motivate people to take action on all kinds of really bad ideas, and make all kinds of ill-though-out purchases ... I don't feel mistreated in life, and I think part of the reason is that I don't spend time worrying about "what I deserve."

2. Once again, they have to throw out what I call the "women's definition of a 'real' man." I actually find this midly irritating. I'm sure women would be irritated if I started defining what a "real" woman is for them. I'm not going to do that. So far as I'm conceerned, they're all real women. Some of them I like, and some of them, not so much. They shouldn't feel obligated to make me like them, and I don't feel obligated to like them. I like to like people, so I usually do, but I'm not forcing anyone to act like I want them to by using manipulative terms like "A real woman." I would appreciate not being manipulated in the same way. 

3. I'm seeing so many of these cutsie little expressions that sound like a glorification of selfishness. Some of them go so far that they begin to sound like something that should go onto one of the de-motivational posters. This one doesn't quite go that far, but I begin to sense this "It's all about me" tone in it. I don't see any recognition of a relationship as being dynamically affected by both people and rightfully so. Neither person is going to be perfect, but somehow, the other person should be "what I deserve." If that must be the end-all, then at least recognize that the other person may "deserve" something, too ... it's possible you may not be what the other person "deserves" in the way you define "deserve." "Loyalty, committment, and honest" go both ways, and I never see the responsibility included in with all the things that "I deserve" in these cutsie little signs.

4. I read these things from some of these women and since I know their history, it just sounds to me like the fox in Aesop's fable of Sour Grapes. Of course, I can't really say that without it sounding very cruel, but how can I help but think that? Springboarding off of that, I can't help but wonder about the chicken and egg effect here - did the attitude they display contribute to their problems? or did their problems contribute to their attitude? or was it both? I honestly don't know ... so the only place I'll express those thoughts are places like this.

I have a lot of fun in life. I love my wife and my kids more than anything in the world. None of us are perfect. All of us get affected by the others' imperfections sometimes. I don't see myself mistreated in any of this - just in a relationship with them. Do I deserve it? Who knows? and who cares? it's reality. I want to love them, so I take them good, bad, and indifferent, and we find the way to be happy with each other. I have a part in that just as they do. It seems to make more sense to me that way.

As a parting shot, let me carry it to a ridiculous level so anybody who missed what I'm saying can (surely) pick it up:

A real man will follow me like my little puppy while never expecting me to follow him. He'll look at me with those big, brown puppy eyes but just understand if I don't feel like looking at him that way. He'll support me in my every whim and never expect me to support him. He'll need me whether I feel like needing him or not. He'll always remember my birthday, the anniversary of the day we met, my first pet's birthday, and the anniversary of the first time I was able to burp in front of him, and he'll always understand if I don't get what's important to him. I won't settle for anything other than such a real man.

Of course, good luck finding that "real" man, because that real man isn't real - he's something that exists only in the imaginations of some women.

Ah, there ... I feel a lot better now. Time to go be my own "real" man for a while ... that beach looks good, and my wife and son look like they'd like to go down there for a while ... They deserve that much I think .

*EDIT:* I don't think anybody (woman or man) should be bound into a situation where they are neglected or abused, so don't get me wrong. However; I also know how good we are a ammending the story to justify ourselves when things don't turn out like we'd like.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I notice them too. I think they are a result of misdirected anger. The lady got burned and feels bad and must project it.

I don't agree with any of it and prefer they use the funny one's instead...like:


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

little snippets of facebook wisdom soundbites. If you put enough of them into one post/album it is essentially the same as a philosophy book.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

people post these because they don't have anything original or interesting to contribute as a "status" message. I ignore all of that stuff. I much prefer to read actual posts by people with actual lives.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

cute little saying are fun to read but life is far more complicated.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Of course they ARE still alone, no? So it kind of works out - set the bar high enough and no one passes the test. As you get older you discover a certain comfort in compromise.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

When my friend was going through her divorce she put all kinds of things like that on her pinterest/FB page. Like someone else said they are just cute little sayings that make single people feel better about their situation. They rarely stand the test of real life. Life IS way too complicated to be solved by cutsey quotes.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I get tired of seeing things like this.No wonder the good men are so hard to find...they're hiding from the demanding,impossible to please amazon women so many of us have become.
What do any of us "DESERVE" really?If you look at your life,your actions,your words,and your relationships can you honestly say you deserve your definition of the perfect man??I bet the answer is hell no.
You deserve nothing more than what you give.

And another thing,I am sick to death of people assuming their idea of a good man should be my idea of a good man.You might think your man is golden but I might think he's trash and vice versa.
Good,when it comes to relationships, is relative in my opinion.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Lon said:


> little snippets of facebook wisdom soundbites. If you put enough of them into one post/album it is essentially the same as a philosophy book.


Lol....too true!








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

People who post things like that on a social forum get ignored by me. I think those kinds of posts are stupid.

I am also constantly amazed at JUST how much personal information some people share online. It seems so tasteless to me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Also, it's not just women who do this. I know a lot of men who write things that I think should be so private. It is not attractive for either gender, IMO.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

While I think it's cheesy to post stuff like that, I'm rather intrigued by the amount of time, energy, and brain function you've devoted to cultivating righteous indignation for it, shy_guy. 

Of course, I'm one of those women who actually _do_ think I deserve someone mature enough to understand that loyalty, committment and honesty are priorities and not options. I also realize that as much as I deserve someone like that in my life, it's also my responsibility to find that guy and be an equally mature partner for him. 

So, while posting the quote is cheesy, I'm not sure I disagree entirely with the totality of the sentiment.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I don't care for them either. I found this amusing, however:


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I see this with friends on FB and Pinterest too. They find all kinds of cute sayings to post. I don't pay much attention unless the saying is funny. Life is much too complicated to be explained by a simply saying. But if that's what helps someone get through a day then so be it.



Rowan said:


> While I think it's cheesy to post stuff like that, I'm rather intrigued by the amount of time, energy, and brain function you've devoted to cultivating righteous indignation for it, shy_guy.


Ah well..shy_guy doesn't like to say with few words what could be said with many. :rofl:

That's what is so great about his posts.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *ScarletBegonias said*: You deserve nothing more than what you give





> *Rowan said *:I'm one of those women who actually do think I deserve someone mature enough to understand that loyalty, committment and honesty are priorities and not options. I also realize that as much as I deserve someone like that in my life, it's also my responsibility to find that guy and be an equally mature partner for him.


I agree with these....admittedly. I would never go as far as to think or feel I am better than other people, we all have our weaknesses & strengths, we all have personal gifts.. I have bad days, I can cop an attitude, all of it...I miss it sometimes. But then I want to make up for it. I wouldn't expect a partner who was any better than me. Even though I'd say I have one who is BETTER than me. What is neat, he thinks I deserve better than him, and I think HE deserves better than me. 

I will admit though..... I do have some firm expectations for anyone I would attach myself too.....I expect *honesty* in all things (even the BAD & ugly) as I consider myself pretty understanding of human nature... I expect *Responsibility* in a partner...in what they lay their hands too...and if they mess up, showing an attempt to make it right.... And to always strive to be a person of their word........as I try to be this or I won't speak it out of my mouth, noone likes to be let down... 

When I do....I would be apologizing all over the place. Some things are very important to me.


But I see the Point Shy_Guy is making entirely -accually I do agree with him...very well written, he dissected it good!
I like this part


> *Shy_Guy said*: but I begin to sense this "It's all about me" tone in it. I don't see any recognition of a relationship as being dynamically affected by both people and rightfully so. Neither person is going to be perfect, but somehow, the other person should be "what I deserve." If that must be the end-all, then at least recognize that the other person may "deserve" something, too ... it's possible you may not be what the other person "deserves" in the way you define "deserve." "Loyalty, committment, and honest" go both ways, and I never see the responsibility included in with all the things that "I deserve" in these cutsie little signs.


 There is a spirit of selfishness in such Sayings -without any "gratitude" or a mention of what they themselves can "give" in the relationship. Leaves a sour taste in our mouths somehow. 

I do feel however, we are all selfish to some degree, and to deny this, we are lying to ourselves. I don't see a fault in that. There is a balance in all things...and this includes selfishness. 




> *Jellybeans said*: People who post things like that on a social forum get ignored by me. I think those kinds of posts are stupid.
> 
> I am also constantly amazed at JUST how much personal information some people share online. It seems so tasteless to me.


 I put so many images on here with sayings - feeling they are inspirational or they might relate....more than anyone here I am sure ...and I am very very OPEN also...

I feel clobbered right now, like a punch in the gut... Yeah I take this personal... but that is just me... It is good to know how some feel anyway...at least it is the truth. I'd want to hear it.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

SA - Awwww! I don't think it was aimed at you. My two cents - I like your posts. I like the images. I've saved a few of the images you've posted. Don't stop posting the way you do. I don't think such things are stupid. I think sometimes some of us tend to overthink things and so what if someone has these saying posted somewhere, it's a form of shorthand for them and I'm of the let and let live philosophy of life.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I feel like it was aimed specifically at the FB thing SA...i can't speak for others though.but i'm sorry you feel bad


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I put so many images on here with sayings - feeling they are inspirational or they might relate....more than anyone here I am sure ...and I am very very OPEN also...
> 
> I feel clobbered right now, like a punch in the gut... Yeah I take this personal... but that is just me... It is good to know how some feel anyway...at least it is the truth. I'd want to hear it.


SA, I was not in any way referring to you. I don't know where you would get that from. I was referring to people on social networking websites. Maybe you misunderstood but the thread topic/title is specifically about annoying Facebook postings. 

And those types of FB posts do annoy the sh*t out of me.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Rowan said:


> While I think it's cheesy to post stuff like that, I'm rather intrigued by the amount of time, energy, and brain function you've devoted to cultivating righteous indignation for it, shy_guy.
> 
> Of course, I'm one of those women who actually _do_ think I deserve someone mature enough to understand that loyalty, committment and honesty are priorities and not options. I also realize that as much as I deserve someone like that in my life, it's also my responsibility to find that guy and be an equally mature partner for him.
> 
> So, while posting the quote is cheesy, I'm not sure I disagree entirely with the totality of the sentiment.


:iagree:

I expect no more than I'm prepared to give in a relationship, and the above qualities are important to me.

Posting something like that, though, is, admittedly, cheesy.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Ok you all meant Facebookish type sites....I can happily boast I am not at all guilty there! 95% of my use is sharing pics -giving them away & I rarely post....FB bores me...I think some of my friends have left me in the dust - since I rarely check out their status's & offer my 2 cents. 

Though it's funny, what bothers some doesn't bother me at all. I can't say I am bothered by someone being too open or little sayings, it makes it more interesting to give a reply to such things. What bothers me on FB is all the mindless games & sh** people send me , I want to block every single one of them. But I am so FB illiterate , I don't know how. 

I guess we're all wired differently to our pet peeves. I don't feel it is wise to exploit all of your problems & Plaster them on FB though.... I have pmed a # of friends, even my sons GF once... in kindness, to share how that "looks" to many..and it is not the place, trying to offer some wisdom as I felt embarrassed for her/them. 

Even though I am very Open here , I see it different somehow when noone knows your real name, your state, your address your family or lives down the block. 

Sorry I can be too sensitive sometimes...one of my faults.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I put so many images on here with sayings - feeling they are inspirational or they might relate....more than anyone here I am sure ...and I am very very OPEN also...
> 
> I feel clobbered right now, like a punch in the gut... Yeah I take this personal... but that is just me... It is good to know how some feel anyway...at least it is the truth. I'd want to hear it.


If 99% of TAM hated your posts I would tell them to go fly a kite.

I love reading what you have to say and your images.

Don't change your posts for anything or anyone!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Oh Thank you CoGuy ^^^^ .... I try to just BE myself... sweet to hear one would defend that with such "SPIRIT" !


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh Thank you CoGuy ^^^^ .... I try to just BE myself... sweet to hear one would defend that with such "SPIRIT" !


Well I've got a lot more free time now to defend the righteous


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I put so many images on here with sayings - feeling they are inspirational or they might relate....more than anyone here I am sure ...and I am very very OPEN also...
> 
> I feel clobbered right now, like a punch in the gut... Yeah I take this personal... but that is just me... It is good to know how some feel anyway...at least it is the truth. I'd want to hear it.


I love your posts on Facebook! I'm also one of those people who get about as personal as I can on Facebook so she made me want to cry too. :rofl:

I've seen Facebook do some amazingly, brilliant things time and time again. I really, really love it. 

No posts actually bother me though. I enjoy it all, eat it up. Some I laugh at, some I nod at, some prompt a private message and I catch up with the person, etc.

I genuinely love people and care deeply for them. Facebook is all about people. So it's no surprise that I'm a Facebook Fan.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Ok you all meant Facebookish type sites....I can happily boast I am not at all guilty there! 95% of my use is sharing pics -giving them away & I rarely post....FB bores me...I think some of my friends have left me in the dust - since I rarely check out their status's & offer my 2 cents.
> 
> Though it's funny, what bothers some doesn't bother me at all. I can't say I am bothered by someone being too open or little sayings, it makes it more interesting to give a reply to such things. What bothers me on FB is all the mindless games & sh** people send me , I want to block every single one of them. But I am so FB illiterate , I don't know how.
> 
> ...


Dude. I think you threw me under the bus! Teach me to read one post and respond without reading the whole thread.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

And, I'm so bad, I bring Facebook with me to work.

This was a facebook pic post I made a few days ago, and yes, I really did name the bottles of water/juice "Kevin"










I thought it was rather funny!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Trenton said:


> Dude. I think you threw me under the bus! Teach me to read one post and respond without reading the whole thread.
> 
> :rofl::rofl::rofl:


Oh come now...no throwing you under the bus Trenton.... I've just always found anonymous forums more enjoyable, probably because the topics ARE more personal !! 

On my FB, 80% of my friends are these born again believers, scripture quotes run rampant, or some cheery religious message, it tends to drive me a little bonkers... then I am tempted to throw my thoughts on there & might end up looking bad.... my own son un-friended me once cause I underminded some You Tube video he was sharing -proving it was a hoax & gave a link to snopes.com.... I guess that was a little "in your face" though. :slap: 

That went over real well. I had to promise to keep my thoughts to myself after that , or just send him a private message. 

Someone put a You tube "definition of F" on there, me & husband got the biggest charge out of that, but I was hesitant to express how much we liked it -lest I might have some of my friends delete me for my bad character. 

But still....I love what you said here >>


> No posts actually bother me though. I enjoy it all, eat it up. Some I laugh at, some I nod at, some prompt a private message and I catch up with the person, etc


 I feel the same. :smthumbup:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The only thing I ever found fb to have any practical use for was when my kid went to Bonnaroo. Each person was given an RFID bracelet that registered their whereabouts at each venue to fb. Since there was no phone service there it was the only way to know if they were ok.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> I see this with friends on FB and Pinterest too. They find all kinds of cute sayings to post. I don't pay much attention unless the saying is funny. Life is much too complicated to be explained by a simply saying. But if that's what helps someone get through a day then so be it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nobody is more amazed at how long my posts turn out to be than I am. I promise it will take me a couple of minutes to type something, then I hit the submit button and wonder, "How did all of that get in there?"


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Rowan said:


> While I think it's cheesy to post stuff like that, I'm rather intrigued by the amount of time, energy, and brain function you've devoted to cultivating righteous indignation for it, shy_guy.
> 
> Of course, I'm one of those women who actually _do_ think I deserve someone mature enough to understand that loyalty, committment and honesty are priorities and not options. I also realize that as much as I deserve someone like that in my life, it's also my responsibility to find that guy and be an equally mature partner for him.
> 
> So, while posting the quote is cheesy, I'm not sure I disagree entirely with the totality of the sentiment.


See my reply to Coffee for my answer on length.

I guess if I had to respond, it would be: None of us "deserves" anything of the sort. It is up to each of us to decide we're going to be happy, decide what we need to do to be happy, and take action. I don't worry about whether I deserve to be happy. I just go out and make myself happy ... I can do that


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol shy! I just love this thread and hell... simply... I love your posts as well! They are always so sweet and romantic!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Was the post directed at you, OP? If not, then realize it's just a sassy comeback from someone who keeps getting asked (by friends and family in unhappy marriages), "Why are you still single?" or meant for people who treat singledom as some type of disease, or act superior b/c they are married as if, somehow, being married is evidence of being "better."

Any energy we expend on some thing irrelevent to our lives is energy wasted. And you can quote me on that!


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Frankly, I hate all of those deep meaningful memes. I usually post an angry rant every three months or so on facebook directed at all of my facebook associates reminding them that I expect better out of them than that.

seriously, if you need memes like that to get through your daily life and remind yourself that you're justified in the things that you do, than you need counseling.

We get that fat can be beautiful, we get that you're "unique", yeah sure, no one understands you, yeah ok, the world has done you wrong, whatever. 

honestly, I would rather read about how you ate a delish blt for lunch and the bacon was cooked perfectly than read every other day about how much you hate your spouse, what they have done to or won't do for you, only to have the next day be about how grateful you are.

Facebook memes are just high school drama wh*res in cute little phrases derived from photo shop in someones moms basement. 

I use facebook to contact the few people I cannot contact via other means, and keep in touch with extremely distant family. (ok, I might play robot unicorn attack )


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh come now...no throwing you under the bus Trenton.... I've just always found anonymous forums more enjoyable, probably because the topics ARE more personal !!
> 
> On my FB, 80% of my friends are these born again believers, scripture quotes run rampant, or some cheery religious message, it tends to drive me a little bonkers... then I am tempted to throw my thoughts on there & might end up looking bad.... my own son un-friended me once cause I underminded some You Tube video he was sharing -proving it was a hoax & gave a link to snopes.com.... I guess that was a little "in your face" though. :slap:
> 
> ...


I know! I just wanted to mess with ya!


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

sisters359 said:


> Was the post directed at you, OP? If not, then realize it's just a sassy comeback from someone who keeps getting asked (by friends and family in unhappy marriages), "Why are you still single?" or meant for people who treat singledom as some type of disease, or act superior b/c they are married as if, somehow, being married is evidence of being "better."
> 
> Any energy we expend on some thing irrelevent to our lives is energy wasted. And you can quote me on that!


 
If we all stuck to the philosophy in your quote, though, most of us wouldn't be on this site, and the ones who were wouldn't reply to others asking for input . It'd also leave researchers in a very perplexing conundrum . 

Just funning with you of course, but as you may have seen, no, I never seem to see things "simply." 

The two facebook friends who always post these aren't people who want to be single, though. It's not a sassy comeback for them. They're always on the lookout, but never finding anything ... which is part of what leaves me thinking about Aesop's fables when they post these things ... (Well, one of them "finds" occasionally, but never anything that lasts - she's demonstrating almost the polar opposite of what she's trying to project with these little messages)


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

CLucas976 said:


> Frankly, I hate all of those deep meaningful memes. I usually post an angry rant every three months or so on facebook directed at all of my facebook associates reminding them that I expect better out of them than that.
> 
> seriously, if you need memes like that to get through your daily life and remind yourself that you're justified in the things that you do, than you need counseling.
> 
> ...


Oh dear. I'm afraid you missed the entire point of those "memes". They're about moments of people's thoughts and feelings caught so well. It's about sharing our inner moments that we previously were unable to share and getting some relief or retribution or whatever it is we need in that moment.

Overall, it's about being human.

Sure, some people are our "friends" and hate what is being said, find it completely unimportant and futile, are irritated or have to post a re-post about how if they receive one more Cityville request they're "unfriending" you.

This, too, is a reflection of life.

I, for one, love it all, accept and embrace it all.

People are all those things. It's how you look at it.

Lady who always has a picture of her dog as a profile pic because she eats a gallon of ice cream while her husband gets his penis sucked by his best friend who happens to be a man. 

Or those Mom's focused on pictures of their kids to the point where it seems no other individual resides in their life besides their children. Meanwhile, their husbands work 12 hour shifts and find themselves wanking off in the shower before work.

The husband who rarely posts but then posts funny one liners. Meanwhile his wife spends countless hours trying to engage him if only to try and not accept that his Facebook reflects the depth of his mindscape.

Oh, I could go on and on. The only commonality being that we are all human and I love that about all of us.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Trenton said:


> Oh dear. I'm afraid you missed the entire point of those "memes". They're about moments of people's thoughts and feelings caught so well. It's about sharing our inner moments that we previously were unable to share and getting some relief or retribution or whatever it is we need in that moment.
> 
> Overall, it's about being human.
> 
> ...


I actually agree with you here despite what the original post in this thread sounds like. I do like people. I like colorful personalities. I'll defend people's right to speak their mind, and sometimes my right to not listen to them (they have a right to speak, not to my attention - there's a difference  ). 

What bothers me is really what I see as lack of thought. It's not really an "executive summary" so much as it is a quick meme that doesn't stand up when much depth of thought is applied to it - at least not in the way that I think about it. I do tend to wonder about things I see as conflicting, or things that get put forward as "wisdom" that I don't think have been thought through. These little memes really fit into that latter category for me.

There is one thing in this one that actually irritates me, though, and that is people defining a category for "real men" or "real women" or "real <insert category here>" and setting themselves up to be the one that defines who fits into that category. But the people posting are still friends. I still like them ...


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I get what they're for, I just think its empty in it's real sentiment. 

You shouldn't need to post these things to express that you're human on the internet. You are your own representation of how human you really are.

sharing something you support and stand for, or a bit of humor, is completely different from those that spend all day endlessly posting "meaningful" meme after meaningful meme. I mean, if that's what gets you going for the day, if that's what keeps you going, you need to take a real look at yourself I guess. 

I just see it as a cover for an insecurity, and I'd rather see someone embrace their insecurities than mask them.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

CLucas976 said:


> I get what they're for, I just think its empty in it's real sentiment.
> 
> You shouldn't need to post these things to express that you're human on the internet. You are your own representation of how human you really are.
> 
> ...


Empty for you and you don't need to post them but impossible to tell what it is to them...and...we're all insecure at times.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> There is one thing in this one that actually irritates me, though, and that is people defining a category for "real men" or "real women" or "real <insert category here>" and setting themselves up to be the one that defines who fits into that category. But the people posting are still friends. I still like them ...


I see what you're saying, but you've got to remember that the woman who posted this is not defining what a Real Man is for everybody, but just for her, and she happens to be sharing that with everyone.


> ...Mature enough to understand that loyalty, commitment and honesty is [sic] a priority [sic] and not an option.


She may be angry, but I don't think there's anything wrong with setting standards for yourself. Whether or not she lives up to those standards is another story.

Just out of curiosity, do you mind sharing with us what your relationship to this Facebook friend is? Is she a person who you normally dislike anyway, or a close friend who you think is wrong in this particular case?


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Just out of curiosity, do you mind sharing with us what your relationship to this Facebook friend is? Is she a person who you normally dislike anyway, or a close friend who you think is wrong in this particular case?


There are two of them that come to mind as ALWAYS doing this.

The first one is someone I grew up with, but lost contact with for about 25 years, then regained contact with when facebook allowed for a lot of reconnection, and I began discovering a lot of people from that little farming community where I grew up. The community was pretty tight where I grew up in terms of everybody knowing everybody (pretty spread out area wise). I went to church with her, and played ball with her brothers.

The other is a former coworker. I don't tend to throw networking opportunities away. She friended me on facebook, but she's off in a different part of the country from me and someone I wouldn't really call a "friend" except in the sense of being a facebook "friend."

Question back to you: Do you think people are normally trying to define "This is what a real <insert category here> is" when they make those types of statements? Or are they actually trying to influence someone else's behavior. I think the latter. I think people who are trying to say "What I like" or "what this is to me" are conscientious about making that distinction whereas most times people are using "a real <insert category here>" trying to influence someone to conform to some standard he/she is comfortable with or thinks is "correct." I'm curious what you think.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> Question back to you: Do you think people are normally trying to define "This is what a real <insert category here> is" when they make those types of statements? Or are they actually trying to influence someone else's behavior. I think the latter. I think people who are trying to say "What I like" or "what this is to me" are conscientious about making that distinction whereas most times people are using "a real <insert category here>" trying to influence someone to conform to some standard he/she is comfortable with or thinks is "correct." I'm curious what you think.


Honstly, I think they're trying to convince themselves more than anyone else. I had a good friend several years ago who was incredibly self-destructive and probably bi-polar (that's a nice way of saying that she was 101.9% psycho). She post things like this. But she never changed her behavior, so she continued with her self-destructive behavior. 

You mentioned "demotivational posters" earlier. There's a reason that motivational posters, self-help books and seminars exist... People who are hurting and don't have the tools to fix things themselves cling to memes (by the way, I never have figured out if that's pronounced "meems" or "me mees") and theses other things to convince themselves that either they're lives don't suck as much as they actually do, or that someday they will end the fountain of bad decisions that have brought them here and will hopefully be happy. Because deep down in dark places of their hearts that they won't talk about and don't admit they have, they secretly believe that they will never make those choices and aren't worth happiness, and they are desperately clinging to the hope that they will be happy someday. 

These memes buoy that belief. And while I have never posted one of these memes or put much in them, I have been in the place that these people are in. These are folks who need an emotional life preserver to keep them from succumbing to the darkness of themselves. 

Does that answer your question at all?

(Just for due diligence... the friend I mentioned earlier? I had several friends--including myself--who tried to mentor her. She eventually drove all of us away. I heard she killed herself last year. I admit I may be a little sensitive to the topic because of my own guilt in abandoning her.)


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

SG,
What rankles about these isn't what is present - but rather what has been consciously edited out by the auther:

she deserves: INSERT
- Handsome 
- Successful
- Generous (very generous with her)
- .....

I am not suggesting your friends should select a poor quality mate. Rather that their definition of what makes a good mate is actually closer to what makes for a short term dating relationship. 

That hot guy - with a hot car - sure he may DATE her if she throws some vibe at him. But if he doesn't consider her his equal, he ends up ending it hence her focus on the loyalty, commitment, etc...





shy_guy said:


> I've been noticing a trend more and more among my facebook friends these days. This one isn't nearly as bad as some, so I thought I could post it here for discussion without too big of an eruption.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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