# I am not dead, just having helluva time :)



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

It's been 4 months since my last post, HOWDY!!

I just wanted to check back on you guys because I feel obliged to continue my story. I hope my story helps those that are going through what i went 1 yr 1/2 ago.

As you all can see, I am better than ever, when I had just separated I was here EVERY day looking for answers, hope, love, understanding, all those things I felt I didn't have at that moment. Well, it's been 4 months since the last time I posted. Last time I had just had my first date since my divorce (1 year after the separation) and my first kiss as well. Although at that time I felt a lot of emotions, they settled and at the end the thing we had never materialized, it's all good! baby steps baby steps. Now I have realized that I am doing so great that I am not even in need of a girl to make me feel better, to feel like a man, to feel loved... 

I am having an affair with myself  I haven't closed myself to relationships but I just know that it will come eventually, when it is time like everything in my life. I am finally working full-time again! Started 2 months ago, great job, good pay, nice co-workers and now I feel like the person I used to be when I was the happiest before meeting my ex and during the first year of our marriage :smthumbup:

I am so happy I moved to this state, so happy to have met great friends, and so happy things are going so well w/o even planning it. I moved to this state with a car full of clothes and hopes, and 2 camping chairs :rofl: (I gave nearly everything to her) and now I have my own place, a job, furniture, income and feeling great.

My friends, the storm doesn't last forever just look for shelter and wait patiently. Be strong, trust me. remember...you don't need anybody to make you feel better, it is all in you.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

That sounds wonderful! I can't wait. I had a fantastic day 2 days ago and then was blue most of yesterday. I think I may have to stay off FB because all I do is research ex. That's obsessive and not healthy.

It is a month since I moved into my new apt. and I am trying to come to terms of being without a SO for 35 years. It is the first time I am living alone for that long.

I can't wait until I feel whole again. You mentioned 4 months. I am hoping that that timeline is the same for me. Of course, I have time on my hands for another month because FT classes don't begin until 10/24 but once that happens I don't think I will have time to dwell. And maybe, another month is what I need to get through the grief and feeling dumbfounded for the abandonment.

Anyway, thank you stbxh for your post, it gives me hope.

Keep doing so well. You deserve it.


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

I'm so glad to hear you are doing well and are in great spirits! I was wondering about you & was hoping you'd post again. It sounds like you have your heart and head in a healthy way again and have moved on from the big bump in your life's journey. I'm feeling that you'll have many bright sunny and happy days ahead of you!


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Hope....a message of hope for all of us still lost in the fog of divorce! Thank you! I really needed some more hope today!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

stbxhmaybe,

Good to hear from you again. Like you I'm not on TAM very much, but like to check in on certain people from time to time. Glad to hear things are going so well for you. I told you they would..


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You sound so very healthy! It's good for those in the storm to know that there is a light!

Thanks for sharing....


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

I am glad it is helping you guys! yeap, just search all the threads under my nickname and you will find all my posts. I was in the gutter a year and a half ago. You know what I enjoy the most past the good vibe, all the blessings, all the new adventures? To be able to sleep all night long. 

I remember those nights you know? All those waking ups in the middle of the night with sort of panic attacks, the feeling of having to get out of bed to go to work w/o wanting, the fake smiles at work, and the endless talks with friends. I was a burden for some of them going over and over with the same tale. 

Feeling guilty to then blaming her for the failure of our marriage, you all have or are there. At the end my friends, everything will go away if we want to, and there is light 

Take this as a chance to do all those changes you have ever wanted, learn stuff, enjoy BEING by yourselves and the most important advice I can give you is PLEASE do not get married again with the first that shows interest. Learn to be alone and enjoy it


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Glad to hear a happy post! There IS life after divorce.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Thank you for the post!!! I am glad that you are doing good. It sure does give hope to the rest of us.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

you are very welcome Shoo. 

There is hope, LOTS of hope. I have taken on rock climbing now. I have found that moving to an amazing city has its pros and cons. Pros? Well, there is a sh!tload to do, cons? I haven't been able to save $ since there is a shi!tload of crazy and fun adventures. 

I am very happy where I am right now, from time to time I think still about my ex but it is weird how as times goes by her memory becomes faded. It's been only a year and a half since I last saw her but seems like 20 years. 

On a different note, my heart I think is coming back to life. I have a huge crush on a coworker, she is amazing; funny, very intelligent, super outgoing, I honestly have not felt this way in a LONG LONG time, I don't even know if I ever felt this way about my ex, like I said everything seems like a blur now. 

Anyway, a very happy thanksgiving in case I am not back in a while and halloween too  Like I've said before, I've felt your pain, but also the sense of accomplishment and renewal. Hang in there


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

stbxhmaybe said:


> Take this as a chance to do all those changes you have ever wanted, learn stuff, enjoy BEING by yourselves and the most important advice I can give you is PLEASE do not get married again with the first that shows interest. Learn to be alone and enjoy it


Couldn't have said it better myself. You sound like you are having a blast! 

I've been separated a year but only now do I feel like I'm finally making the much needed emotional separation. It's something I've waited for and wanted for years. It's truly a great feeling.


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