# Wife can go MONTHS with NO sex



## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

we are Both in our 70s, I'm old, not dead


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Deguello said:


> we are Both in our 70s, I'm old, *not dead*


Yep.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Yep. Keep on keepin' on. Sometimes I tell the W hey I'm not dead yet, too 👍. Will be 60 this year. At 70, OP your my hero.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Apparently, I'm dead.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> Apparently, I'm dead.


No, no, you're in a temporary lull, or temp holding pattern while the universe creates a better course for you.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> Apparently, I'm dead.


Just like @Deguello, not at the time of writing.

And writing this selfishly, I hope that remains the case for lots of years to come.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> Apparently, I'm dead.


Well you look AMAZING for a dead guy. 😉


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> No, no, you're in a temporary lull, or temp holding pattern while the universe creates a better course for you.


 I might need too many alignments...


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Personal said:


> Just like @Deguello, not at the time of writing.
> 
> And writing this selfishly, I hope that remains the case for lots of years to come.


I'm not really dead dead, just undead.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well you look AMAZING for a dead guy. 😉


You should see me when I'm really dead!


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Besides acrobacy sex is more about being in love than about age.
I am 71 and counting.
I found the woman that was the love of my life when we were in our early sixties.
As I also was the love of her life sex become of a kind that would be the envy of younger couples.
I lost her to cancer.
But were the best years of my life.
IMO a sexless marriage is a loveless marriage.
Best wishes.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ElOtro said:


> Besides acrobacy sex is more about being in love than about age.
> I am 71 and counting.
> I found the woman that was the love of my life when we were in our early sixties.
> As I also was the love of her life sex become of a kind that would be the envy of younger couples.
> ...


So sorry for your loss.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> So sorry for your loss.


Thank you so much!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm dead.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm dead.


I don't believe you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> I don't believe you.


I pretty much am, but sex is out of the question for any number of physical reasons anyway.


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## Riggers (9 mo ago)

I'm 69; my wife is 73. Been married for 12 yrs this June. No sex now for 8 years. Even before then, apart from once, when she returned from a one month trip to visit her sons in Australia, when she pretty much pounced on me - I always had to make the first move. In the end, as my needs in that department were not overwhelming either, I just gave up. We were friends, but any physical contact was limited to holding hands in the evening. She later confessed that both her two former husbands complained of the same thing - always having to make the first move. I could have carried on this way, but she's just returned from Australia after a month visit again. I was half expecting a repeat performance, but no... when I broached the subject, she laughed. We had a cuddle in bed and I was surprised how easily my own interest was re-kindled. I missed her terribly whilst she was away - I just wanted to be near her. And when she returned, I think I must have overwhelmed her with my constant expressions of love and just wanting to hold her. She responded by explaining she wasn't used to being loved so much by anyone. I've just read a post on an old thread on here that paralells exactly my own situation :








The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R


In an LTR the ideal emotional temperature is one that BOTH people are comfortable with. Couples often “fight” for decades over the “thermostat” setting. He likes it really warm and constantly shows and wants to be shown love. She is likes it cooler and dislikes constantly being barraged with...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com




But the thread is closed.I've backed off, but I'm wishing to hell that she'd never gone to Aus in the first place, and the feelings that her return have awakened would subside. Anyone going through similar?


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I think many wives can go months without sex...many husbands too.

Its just a shame THEY all aren't married to one another and all the men and women who like and enjoy sex could be coupled together.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I think many wives can go months without sex...many husbands too.
> 
> Its just a shame THEY all aren't married to one another and all the men and women who like and enjoy sex could be coupled together.


Never works that way, sadly.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Never works that way, sadly.


Sadly, I know this to be true.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

My wife and I are in our mid 70s. But we neither 'feel' our age. She always says "it's just a number". Maybe it is partially attitude? If person thinks of themselves as old, they will act accordingly. 

Neither of us can go much beyond about 48 hours without. When we were down with Covid, having trouble breathing, was the most recent exception.

OT, sure seems majority of TAM posters are on higher end of the age spectrum. Guess the young kids are too busy having fun with no problems.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I'm not really dead dead, just undead.


Like the characters in Buffy or Vampire Chronicles, or Walking Dead? 

That's an important distinction. 🤣🤣🤣


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Depressing thread. 😔
And I’m sure the young or younger ones are having problems. They’re just too busy chasing $$ and or raising kids to see how blind they are.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

I think a lot is one’s outlook on life. 
I’ve not quite hit 50 yet and I feel like hell, I’m not“that” old or dead. Husband in the other hand (same age as me) has been working on his old man attitude since about 39. 😕 Causes lots of problems in and out of bedroom.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Lotsofheart73 said:


> I think a lot is one’s outlook on life.
> I’ve not quite hit 50 yet and I feel like hell, I’m not“that” old or dead. Husband in the other hand (same age as me) has been working on his old man attitude since about 39. 😕 Causes lots of problems in and out of bedroom.


For sure 50 is actually the new 30 (?!) I have *kids* your age. Wife and I find exercise, staying active helps more than anything. We have aches and pains sometimes, but refuse to let those define our lives. We might sometimes feel like sitting in a recliner and watching the TV, but force ourselves out of the house.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Like the characters in Buffy or Vampire Chronicles, or Walking Dead?
> 
> That's an important distinction. 🤣🤣🤣


yes, it is… let me think about it…


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Deguello said:


> we are Both in our 70s, *I'm* old, *not dead*


Have you checked if she is?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

ElOtro said:


> Besides acrobacy sex is more about being in love than about age.
> I am 71 and counting.
> I found the woman that was the love of my life when we were in our early sixties.
> As I also was the love of her life sex become of a kind that would be the envy of younger couples.
> ...


I am glad you had the opportunity to spend time with her, and I'm sure she was thankful you were there for her to the end. I am so sad typing this. I hope that lightning strikes twice for you.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Deguello said:


> we are Both in our 70s, I'm old, not dead


OK, cliff note version or do we need to go through your posts? How long married, when did sex go away, or was it never there. How does she rationalize it. Has she managed to convince you that you're the old fool for thinking sex is still relevant to people your age?


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Casual Observer said:


> I am glad you had the opportunity to spend time with her, and I'm sure she was thankful you were there for her to the end. I am so sad typing this. I hope that lightning strikes twice for you.


Thank you so much.


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## CreativeMom022 (9 mo ago)

Lotsofheart73 said:


> I think a lot is one’s outlook on life.
> I’ve not quite hit 50 yet and I feel like hell, I’m not“that” old or dead. Husband in the other hand (same age as me) has been working on his old man attitude since about 39. 😕 Causes lots of problems in and out of bedroom.


Mine has always had nothing but negative things to say about women in our 17 years of marriage. I even have to hear him complain about his own sister and call her names. (She is a struggling single mom, and I generally take her side.) His mother was abusive, so that might explain some of the negativity. It is definitely not a turn-on for me, though.


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## CreativeMom022 (9 mo ago)

Deguello said:


> we are Both in our 70s, I'm old, not dead


I am maybe the youngest one here at 42. I will say that having 2 kids and one episiotomy (TMI?) definitely affected my enjoyment. Maybe ask your wife if there is anything that would help her enjoy it more. I like to at least get a back massage to relax first. Stress is also an issue sometimes, having a teen and an almost pre-teen.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

CreativeMom022 said:


> I am maybe the youngest one here at 42. I will say that having 2 kids and one episiotomy (TMI?) definitely affected my enjoyment. Maybe ask your wife if there is anything that would help her enjoy it more. I like to at least get a back massage to relax first. Stress is also an issue sometimes, having a teen and an almost pre-teen.


The back massages are always good. Everyone knows the guy is thinking hey, good, a back rub AND sex, win win. 🙂🙂🙂


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

CreativeMom022 said:


> I am maybe the youngest one here at 42. I will say that having 2 kids and one episiotomy (TMI?) definitely affected my enjoyment. Maybe ask your wife if there is anything that would help her enjoy it more. I like to at least get a back massage to relax first. Stress is also an issue sometimes, having a teen and an almost pre-teen.


Will just say, long back massage for the wife before foreplay begins and for afterglow. Works wonders. Sometimes a back massage just to soothe, no sex to follow. Her choice.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The back massages are always good. Everyone knows the guy is thinking hey, good, a back rub AND sex, win win. 🙂🙂🙂


Unless you are REALLY good with the massages and she falls asleep!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Unless you are REALLY good with the massages and she falls asleep!


Yep.

From experience if I want to share sex with my wife. I make sure that I don’t give her a massage. Since all that does is make her go to sleep. With alcohol being another extremely effective way of sending her to sleep as well.

So given how much sex we share, it’s fair to say that my wife seldom ever drinks alcohol and she rarely gets massages. 😊


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

Personal said:


> Just like @Deguello, not at the time of writing.
> 
> And writing this selfishly, I hope that remains the case for lots of years to come.


You may get your wish


Personal said:


> Just like @Deguello, not at the time of writing.
> 
> And writing this selfishly, I hope that remains the case for lots of years to come.


Thanks for the pep talk, back at ya


 we Ww,


Casual Observer said:


> OK, cliff note version or do we need to go through your posts? How long married, when did sex go away, or was it never there. How does she rationalize it. Has she managed to convince you that you're the old fool for thinking sex is still relevant to people your age?


Married almost 49 years,sex began to decline in 2009,almost once a week,we are now at two for the year.
It is an "obligation" her words.she will not initiate. If it was something she liked to do,like golf...we would do it every chance we got.she dresses/undresses behind closed and latched. She bats my hands away if I touch her in a remotely sexual manner.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Lotsofheart73 said:


> And I’m sure the young or younger ones are having problems. They’re just too busy chasing $$…


That is what happened to me. Had problems, didn’t notice or care because I was doing other things that I thought were more important. They weren’t.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Lotsofheart73 said:


> I think a lot is one’s outlook on life.
> I’ve not quite hit 50 yet and I feel like hell, I’m not“that” old or dead. Husband in the other hand (same age as me) has been working on his old man attitude since about 39. 😕 Causes lots of problems in and out of bedroom.


Sounds like my wife. She uses her age as an excuse for not wanting sex by saying things like "People our age don't need to have sex all the time".


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Deguello said:


> Married almost 49 years,sex began to decline in 2009,almost once a week,we are now at two for the year.
> It is an "obligation" her words.she will not initiate. If it was something she liked to do,like golf...we would do it every chance we got.she dresses/undresses behind closed and latched. She bats my hands away if I touch her in a remotely sexual manner.


So I would guess your ages are late 60s - early 70s. The sex started declining late 40s - early 50s coincident with hormone falloff for your wife. Nothing unusual with that, in fact it is probably the norm for most couples. At least for her, sex is something she once *tolerated* ( doubt she was ever really into it or she would miss the enjoyment and want to bring it back somehow ) but now has no interest in, and doesn't want you getting any ideas from touching her or seeing her undressed.

At your ages, the sex isn't likely to come 'back' to even the once a week thing. And taking any drastic action this late in life is really pointless IMO. If things came back to wild and crazy how much of life remains? Average longevity for a male is late 70s, and health issues begin to multiply before then. Look at it this way, you have a willing and interested golf partner who is also a roommate. If you are fortunate she maybe is a decent cook. My advice would be to take care of yourself and try to lose any resentment. The less you focus on what you don't have the less you will miss it. And your own libido will begin tailing off sooner or later.

Spend a lot of time on the links.


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## Riggers (9 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> So I would guess your ages are late 60s - early 70s. The sex started declining late 40s - early 50s coincident with hormone falloff for your wife. Nothing unusual with that, in fact it is probably the norm for most couples. At least for her, sex is something she once *tolerated* ( doubt she was ever really into it or she would miss the enjoyment and want to bring it back somehow ) but now has no interest in, and doesn't want you getting any ideas from touching her or seeing her undressed.
> 
> At your ages, the sex isn't likely to come 'back' to even the once a week thing. And taking any drastic action this late in life is really pointless IMO. If things came back to wild and crazy how much of life remains? Average longevity for a male is late 70s, and health issues begin to multiply before then. Look at it this way, you have a willing and interested golf partner who is also a roommate. If you are fortunate she maybe is a decent cook. My advice would be to take care of yourself and try to lose any resentment. The less you focus on what you don't have the less you will miss it. And your own libido will begin tailing off sooner or later.
> 
> Spend a lot of time on the links.


Your comment makes a lot of sense - though in answer to Deguello. At least I'm not in that unhappy situation, though our ages are similar. Since our 1 month seperation, we do now cuddle in bed, and thankfully, she has never been sensitive about me seeing her undressed. I know a lot of women go off sex when they get older, and to be honest, my own interest waned a bit several years ago - though cuddling up close to her always gives me the urge. Still - at least some bodily contact is better than none. I would rather we share our remaining years happily, just cuddling if necessary, than me building up bitterness due to some perceived slight. Realistically, it's not as if I could go out and get what I'm not getting elsewhere: though I look after myself and watch my weight etc., I'm 69, so there are few opportunities there, and she did confess to me several years ago that her first husband constantly complained about always having to make the first move (and apparently went ahead anyway, even though he knew she was reluctant - something I could never do.) I'll take what's on offer, and if it's just cuddles and kisses, that'll do. Many many thanks for the wise words - I'm sure will give a lot of comfort to others on here in similar situations.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Riggers said:


> Your comment makes a lot of sense - though in answer to Deguello. At least I'm not in that unhappy situation, though our ages are similar. Since our 1 month seperation, we do now cuddle in bed, and thankfully, she has never been sensitive about me seeing her undressed. I know a lot of women go off sex when they get older, and to be honest, my own interest waned a bit several years ago - though cuddling up close to her always gives me the urge. Still - at least some bodily contact is better than none. I would rather we share our remaining years happily, just cuddling if necessary, than me building up bitterness due to some perceived slight. Realistically, it's not as if I could go out and get what I'm not getting elsewhere: though I look after myself and watch my weight etc., I'm 69, so there are few opportunities there, and she did confess to me several years ago that her first husband constantly complained about always having to make the first move (and apparently went ahead anyway, even though he knew she was reluctant - something I could never do.) I'll take what's on offer, and if it's just cuddles and kisses, that'll do. Many many thanks for the wise words - I'm sure will give a lot of comfort to others on here in similar situations.


You don't sound very happy. No sex at all? I wouldn't out up with that.... I guess it's your choice... better than nothing...


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## Riggers (9 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> You don't sound very happy. No sex at all? I wouldn't out up with that.... I guess it's your choice... better than nothing...


I'm not sure what the point of your comment was. I was thanking the commenter for some sound advice, on a problem that affects many of us, that's all: I'm not really interested what _you'd_ put up with - because our situations are different.


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

Woman usually don’t want sex because 

partner isn’t a good one

do you do nice things for her?

Do you do 50% around the home ?

do you discuss your sex life - do you concentrate on her need or is it wham bam Thankyou mam

How’s your relationship otherwise ?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Lawcher62 said:


> Woman usually don’t want sex because
> 
> partner isn’t a good one
> 
> ...


”Usually?” I think there’s a lot more to it than that. And even more so, once you’re in that situation, even if caused by the things you mention, suddenly becoming a wonderful spouse isn’t that likely to move the needle.

Momentum is the toughest thing of all to get past.


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

Lawcher62 said:


> Woman usually don’t want sex because
> 
> partner isn’t a good one
> 
> ...


We are retired when I bring up our sex life such as is I get the. . Eye roll and is that all you think about.she spends more time volunteering than she ever did working


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ElOtro said:


> Besides acrobacy sex is more about being in love than about age.
> I am 71 and counting.
> I found the woman that was the love of my life when we were in our early sixties.
> As I also was the love of her life sex become of a kind that would be the envy of younger couples.
> ...


I liked on your post because it was a very good telling.

Thank you for sharing it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lawcher62 said:


> Woman usually don’t want sex because
> 
> partner isn’t a good one I'm the best.😉
> 
> ...


These actually aren't bad questions BTW.


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