# I'm so lost



## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

I am unsure if this is the correct place to post but here we go... its a long story so bear with me...

I met my wife at work. It was love at first sight. Our 1st date was September 27th 2007 and I've loved her ever since. We moved in with each other after 6 months. 6 more months and we were engaged. A year later I purchased a house. Shortly after We got married and had a child (2010). 

Near the end of December 2015 I noticed a distance with my wife. Our conversations were short, there weren't many laughs, and I could see the distance starting to grow. Back story (we had sold our home earlier that year in order to purchase a larger house closer to family and work). We had been in the apartment since January with the plan to live in an apartment for a year to save up to put a larger down payment on a house. There was a local bar that my wife would go to with her sister on a regular basis "while I was at work". I was/am a very trusting husband and she told me everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about (so I trusted her). Her sister 35 years of age befriended a young 23 year old boy. Since her sister and him were friends naturally he was around my wife and they became friends. I would go with her on my days off and I met the kid and I befriended him too. I even offered to help him put a turbo kit on his pos car. I noticed the 1st text from him asking her if she got home safe. I asked my wife what the text message was about and why he was texting her (2:20am , bar closed at 2:00) and she blew me off just saying that he was just being nice. 

Over the span of the next few weeks I had noticed him texting her more and more. I would confront her and ask her why he was texting her and she would always come up with some excuse that he was having problems with his family or work or whatever. I told her that was not her problem but she insisted on helping the young man. I Confronted him asking him why he was texting my wife and he said the same thing she did. I told him if he was going to text my wife to at least do it at a decent hour. Another week or so goes by and the distance between my wife and I got greater. I didn't want to check my wife's phone because I really wanted to trust her and not be an overbearing husband. 

There was a night where she usually didn't go to the bar and she told me she was going. At this point my suspicious was eating away at me. I left work sick to my stomach near the time the bar was closing. I exited my vehicle and saw the two walking next to each other to her car... She turned around and they began to kiss... right there in the parking lot. My heart dropped... I was filled with rage. Only thing I remembered was standing over him while he is on the ground crying. (There was a physical altercation between the two of us in which he lost terribly). I left and went home to pack my things. She arrived shortly after. She called the police because I wanted to take my child with me. Police advised me I should just go and leave the child since he was sleeping. I packed my things and I left to my fathers house. The next few weeks were the worse of my life. I was devastated, lost, confused... I took counseling and did everything I could to help myself. 

Seeing her at work was too much for me so I transferred to another division. I found out from my son that he had moved in with her. My wife is 34 years old. I am 33 years old and at the time the kid was 24 years old. I thought it was important I let you know our ages as it is a huge issue. His back story: He was a 24 year old warehouse worker who lived at home with his parents. Had never had his own place and had no bills (parents paid them all). In my opinion he isn't very attractive (but I confirmed through several women and they agreed). He's about 5'9, 120 (very skinny). Anyways back to the story. When I left my wife would text me saying how messed up she is and how she needs help. She would tell me she still loved me and she missed me. She would text me at 2am, 3am, 4am asking me to come over and since I still loved her and wanted to be with her I would. 

She was so all over the place... She used the money we sold our house (I paid 80% of mortgage and utilities to her 20% even though we both work doing the same thing) to pay off her car (almost all of it). She filed her taxes as single with 2 kids (by the way she had a son who was 4 when I met her in 2007 whom Ive raised to be my own). She was on and off with her boyfriend all of 2016. During 2016 I bought her a valentines gift, Birthday gift, anniversary gift, mothers day gift and Christmas gift (along with little gifts here and there). I received zero. Her boyfriend in 2016 got caught cheating on her on 5 separate occasions. At which time she would break up with him and I'd probably have an amazing week or two with her before she went crawling back to him. We would occasionally see each other and most of the time it did lead to sex (so she was cheating on him as well). Every single time I was almost completely over her its like she had a 6th sense about it and would try to reel me back in just enough to where I wouldn't move on. 

During our time apart I haven't slept with another woman despite my extremely healthy appetite for sex. I transferred back to work after about 8 months of working at the other place. Forgive me... There is just so much stuff that happened in 2016 its very hard to explain it all. When 2017 started my wife and him were not on good terms. He had been caught cheating again and I told myself that I wouldn't fall for her again and I would really try to move on. 

(Another back story: Her reasoning that she's given her friends for leaving me was because I had gained weight and I wasn't very responsible financially)

2017: I lost 63 pounds (stress and working out), I got my finances in order, and im prepping to buy a house). My wife asked to borrow 600 dollars in January (after I had spent a lot of money on her for Christmas) and me loving her and doing anything for her I gave it to her. I never asked to be repaid and she hasn't offered to pay me back. February she received a valentines day gift (my birthday was in February she took me out to dinner). March her boyfriend started seeing her again and they were regularly seeing each other and he was regularly spending the night again. Beginning of april I bought her an ipad (because she had been telling me she wanted one) "just because" and for her birthday I bought her about 600 dollars worth of Victoria secret. (I'm not hurting financially anymore lol). Anyways shortly after her birthday late april she found out he was cheating on her again. April 27th she was feeling sad and lonely so she called me. I went with her to get some new tires on her car (which she's needed for a while). After we picked up the kids from school and had dinner. We went back to her apartment and watched a movie and a few tv shows. After that (no sex) and she sent me home. Next day april 28th she said she was hungry so I brought her food, We picked up the kids together and hung out and watched a bunch of tv until it was time for me to go back to my apartment. Saturday the 29th she called me over we went to the mall bought some outfits, went to dinner at bj's and watched a movie. She asked me to drop her and my son off at her apartment and asked me to go home so I did. Sunday I did not see her even though we were both off of work. She said she stayed in bed all day because she was sad. Monday was the same along with Tuesday. (Shes on vacation so that's why she hasn't been at work). 

I asked her why she hadn't wanted to see me and she said she wanted to "take things slow". During the time I was with her I could see her ex texting her that he misses her and he's sorry etc etc etc.... Usually by this time she would have been back with him but she might actually be sticking to her guns. I'm in a position to purchase another house in my name on my own again and she keep talking like were going to move in together when I do. 
Every time she broke up with her boyfriend I was there for her. I'm always a phone call away. I'm always available for her when SHE wants. Sometimes she ignores my call or doesn't text back. She had a list of things that she said was wrong with me and I ran away with that list. I fixed absolutely everything shes asked of me. Why wont she take me back? I'll take breaks from work to bring her food because she's hungry... why cant she appreciate that? Why cant she cut her boyfriend out completely? (ex boyfriend for now). They share no monies together, no kids, she constantly complained that he didn't pay any of her bills while he was staying with her, he didn't cook, he didn't clean. She could complain to me that it was like having another child. But why cant she cut him out? 

So here I am now... I'm in love with my wife. I haven't cheated on her despite all the advances from other girls (there were many). She's put on about 45 pounds and she's very self conscious about her weight yet I remain to tell her she is beautiful. I feel like I'm the stand in until her boyfriend comes back. I've had my heart broken every time they've broken up and I thought I would win my wife back. She hasn't asked for a divorce. She hasn't asked for a legal separation. Her boyfriend hasn't met any of her family (besides her sister who she met him through). She's told me she knows that their relationship is only temporary and wouldn't last (shes been telling me this since the beginning of last year). They've been cheating on each other for almost a year and a half. Why? She told me she's finally realizing her self worth and she knows she's better that and she's too good for him. She's constantly telling me she doesn't deserve me and I'm too good for her. All I want is my family back. All I want is my wife back. I told her I've forgiven her for everything... I just don't understand. I've told myself that this is the last straw... If she went back to him I would get a divorce. The same divorce she's told me she doesn't think we needed to get. Where do I go from here? I know what taking it slow is and we are taking it as slow as slow can be. 

Last night she started acting weird. She said something last night that bothered me:
"We either hang out as friends and see where that goes or you can move on. There is no "Picking up where we left off" and there is no guarantee what the ending will be. My feelings for you would have to be a lot stronger before I even think about moving on". 

how do I take that? 

Whenever we are together it is amazing.. we are both laughing, we are both happy.. .we finish each other's sentences... we think exactly alike. She looks at me like she loves me. She's always laying on me and cuddling up to me. When we are apart she is a completely different person... she's cold, short, acting like I'm just another person.. I believe she may be bi polar. She takes medication for severe depression and anxiety (after we broke up). Ive begged her to get help but she says she knows what the problem is. She's told me countless times that she know's she needs to leave her bf/ex bf alone and he's no good for her but she says its hard even though there is no reason to stay with him... so... where do I go from here.. I'm so sorry my story is kind of all over the place. If you guys ask my specific questions I can give you specific answers and maybe you'd be able to help me a little more.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Oh my god she's just using you. Her presence in your life is like she was some sort of persistent fungal infection. You are long past due re: applying an anti-fungal ointment ... like, divorce papers maybe?


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

I know im long overdue for a divorce... But like I said.. she's got some sorta 6th sense.. Whenever I get close to filing she tries to pull me a little close. I was actually going to go to the courts on a Friday and on that Thursday she called me crying saying that he had cheated on her again. She said she knows she can be happy with me and she just wants to take it slow for now... Which she hasn't really said before ... I told myself this is the last time though. If she gets back with him im done. I don't want to be.. I love her but I cant take the constant heartbreak.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

She will forever do this to the man she is with. Meet at work; fall for him; get serious; the when things begin to settle, she will find another.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

There's only one thing that she has said to you that you need to believe... Just one.

When she said she was crazy and needed help? You had damned well better believe her. Everything else that she says? I wouldn't believe a word of it.

She has shown you who she is, and what you mean to her. If you are okay with that, go ahead and carry on. A year from now, you will be posting again because nothing has changed.

Or, you can put your foot down now. You can accept that you chose poorly your mate, and commit to not only ridding yourself of her, but making sure you don't make the same poor choice with your next mate.

The choice is yours.


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

farsidejunky said:


> She will forever do this to the man she is with. Meet at work; fall for him; get serious; the when things begin to settle, she will find another.
> 
> Lather, rinse, repeat.
> 
> ...


Thank you very much for your words. I think I am very close to getting a divorce. Our anniversary is may 7th... I'll see if she is willing to have dinner with me. If not I will serve her papers on that day.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Down_And_Out said:


> Thank you very much for your words. I think I am very close to getting a divorce. Our anniversary is may 7th... I'll see if she is willing to have dinner with me. If not I will serve her papers on that day.


Are you serious?

Why would you bother with dinner?

Why don't you love yourself enough to end it without asking her 'permission"?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Her issues are her own which unfortunately affects you but that is why you need to detach, so her words and actions affect you less.

Unless it is about the children, you need to hang up or cut her off from engaging even further because she will trigger those love chemicals in your brain and they motivate you to go against cold, hard logic where love and its actions does not always produce logical results.

Love can be diminished with time and a great support system. They need to fill in those emotional needs of yourrs and help you get through this trying time.

Again, it does not matter what her problems are currently, it is not producing physical harm to you or the child. It is however, preventing you from healing and moving on.

She is like a monkey swinging from branch to branch. The newest branch proved to be unstable and she is still holding on to the previous branch, which is you. If things had worked out with her new partner, she would had eventually let go of you.

The problem also is that you may believe that she is the initial person you have married. It could of been the infatuation stage because of high levels of attraction. Another unfortunate part of love as it ais sometimes a double-edged sword, it induces strong feelings of connection whether the person is good for you or not. It is why people in abusive situations stay being victims. It is those good times, events, that trigger the feelings of love. She is the mother of your child, there is that strong level of attraction, the wedding, all those little small moments that makes you want to invest further into this relationship.

You do not want to move on, but in order for your life to be stable, in order to seek further happiness, something must change. Fact is, she may not be replaceable as a person, but she is replaceable as a partner. Keep in mind you can find happiness with another. All it takes is a level of initial attraction and some level of compatibility. people can often trick their own mind so they do not move on. You need to knock how you view her off that higher level you have placed her on. Incorporate this new fact that she can harm someone that has not caused her harm, she can manipulate to gain what is best for her and not for you. She is willing to keep you hooked for her own level of security and against your well-being because her love for you is a far distant on her totem of priority.

Accept her for what she is now and not who she was previously. That is just a ghost of the past haunting you currently.


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

farsidejunky said:


> Are you serious?
> 
> Why would you bother with dinner?
> 
> Why don't you love yourself enough to end it without asking her 'permission"?


I don't know... I know what I have to do.. like her Its just the act of doing it. If she says no to an anniversary dinner I'll know that she really doesn't care.. and I'll end things.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You are so desperately clinging to hope that you would place that much emphasis on an anniversary dinner when she is dating other men while still your wife?

Let me know when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. You are clearly not there yet.


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Her issues are her own which unfortunately affects you but that is why you need to detach, so her words and actions affect you less.
> 
> Unless it is about the children, you need to hang up or cut her off from engaging even further because she will trigger those love chemicals in your brain and they motivate you to go against cold, hard logic where love and its actions does not always produce logical results.
> 
> ...


Very well said and I believe it to be true. You're right... I've placed her on a pedestal thinking there could never be another.. and there may never be another like her but like you said... just because they aren't her doesn't mean it cant work. Her actions have told me everything I've needed to know for a long time.. Its me that has to go through with it. When I ask myself if we didn't have a child together would I still be this way and I believe I wouldn't. So I think a large reason for me putting up with so much is because I don't want to break our family apart... Reality is.. she broke the family apart a long time ago when she decided to cheat. I know what I have to do.. I just have to do it.


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

farsidejunky said:


> You are so desperately clinging to hope that you would place that much emphasis on an anniversary dinner when she is dating other men while still your wife?
> 
> Let me know when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. You are clearly not there yet.


I've been sick of it for a long time.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Wellcome, @Down_And_Out

This woman doesn't care about you. Do not be fooled, you're just someone she gets attention from, so she strings you along. She knows, however bad she treats you, you don't have enough self-respect to think you can do better and you'll keep coming back. You can do better. You deserve better. We all deserve better. 

Why are you so codependent upon this woman? You can't be proud about you situation. 

Nothing will change here unless you do. You have wasted so many years. Isn't it time you have a good life. Stop being such a nice guy and somebody's plan B. Stand up for yourself now. Don't teach your child to let others walk all over them. 

We teach others how to treat us. Never allow someone to treat you badly and they won't. 

*Here, read this today, not tomorrow, TODAY...* No More Mr Nice Guy


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This one is soooooo simple to answer. It really is.

You see..you love her..she likes you a little. Sex with her is great...for you...so-so with her.

Divorce her.

Make her a Friend with Benefits, FWB. A "shared" friend. When you get horny and she needs "something" you exchange gifts. Christmas is ~36 times a year.

Oh, when you plow her field, always wear a condom...maybe two. One over the other. 

Oh, turn out the lights, close your eyes in that well plowed field. It ain't a pretty field. It is rocky, full of thorns and sow-bugs. Bugs that bite the dull blade that your tractor holds.
Your tractor....your attractor, needs a new field. A new field, not in the swampy lowlands. One up higher, having more sunlight, self-fertilization, less drainage.

Your soul is drained enough...ya think?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Your posts are hard to read without screaming in my head the following word for you......

STOP!!!!!!

Get a divorce. Take a cigarette and burn this leech off of your neck and move on.

She is a despicable human, and you are begging her to hurt you.
If you truly have other women interested, do yourself a favor and date one. Anything but your "wife".

Codependency: google it.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Down_And_Out said:


> I've been sick of it for a long time.


Yet not sick enough to excise this cancer from your life.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

If I knew you in real life I'd do the humane thing and put you out of your misery. I say that only half-jokingly.

Dude, hit the eject button. Hit it with the force of Zeus. 

You have a lot of other steps but the first one is saying "stop"


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

A lot of really good responses. You guys are really helping me. I think I've gone through this long enough. You guys are saying things I already knew myself but I wasn't strong enough to believe. She use to be such a great mom. I will defiantly keep you guys updated on what happens. I hope I have the strength to move on.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Down_And_Out said:


> A lot of really good responses. You guys are really helping me. I think I've gone through this long enough. You guys are saying things I already knew myself but I wasn't strong enough to believe. *She use to be such a great mom. *I will defiantly keep you guys updated on what happens. I hope I have the strength to move on.


I don't believe you. At all. You still won't kick her off the pedestal you have her on.
A good mom does NOT do what you have described. They don't have time for going out to bars picking up young "studs" who live with their parents.
They are home bathing children, helping with homework, taking care of their home, having sex with their child's father, feathering the nest.

Please, it offends me that you describe her as a once good mom. That's horse poo.

She's awful. Always has been. Get her off the pedestal and divorce her. Geez, how can you not have had enough of her yet?


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

BPD


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

This was a tough read. You have issues, go see a therapist and figure out why you can't remove this parasite from your life.

Time to detach and move on. You deserve sooo much better. Glad you found this place, stay here and people who have been through the same thing will help you. Keep posting here!


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Down_And_Out said:


> Very well said and I believe it to be true. You're right... I've placed her on a pedestal thinking there could never be another.. and *there may never be another like her* but like you said... just because they aren't her doesn't mean it cant work. Her actions have told me everything I've needed to know for a long time.. Its me that has to go through with it. When I ask myself if we didn't have a child together would I still be this way and I believe I wouldn't. So I think a large reason for me putting up with so much is because I don't want to break our family apart... Reality is.. she broke the family apart a long time ago when she decided to cheat. I know what I have to do.. I just have to do it.


You better hope there's not another like her in your future. Maybe get some counseling before you start dating again.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Take care of yourself first.

Do a hard 180 and don't look back.

The wife and life you remember is dead and gone.

Apologies for seeming abrupt but reading how you have been treating her after what she put you through is making me mad for you.

Good luck.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

OMG start the 180 already and dump her, she is keeping you at plan B and using you constantly.

By the way I would get STD test done, because when you sleep with her you are sleeping with everyone he slept with.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You might have a life if you quit being "a puppet on a string".


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Wow, this woman is the epitome of a cake eater... And you have allowed it for so long. 

I hope that the posts here are opening your eyes. You have some hard work ahead of you.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Haven't read all the responses yet, but do not buy a house until you're legally divorced.


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

How much worse would she have to treat you for you to walk away and start living a life that makes you happy?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Down_And_Out said:


> I know im long overdue for a divorce... But like I said.. she's got some sorta 6th sense.. Whenever I get close to filing she tries to pull me a little close. I was actually going to go to the courts on a Friday and on that Thursday she called me crying saying that he had cheated on her again. She said she knows she can be happy with me and she just wants to take it slow for now... Which she hasn't really said before ... I told myself this is the last time though. If she gets back with him im done. I don't want to be.. I love her but I cant take the constant heartbreak.


Jeez, she moves out and her boyfriend moves in and here *you* are lavishing her with gifts and loans and buying her things when she cries she wants something. What a great reward for sleazy cheater - she cheats, lies and moves in with her boyfriend and her reward for that is lots and lots of gifts and money.

What a DEAL she's got.

You've been furiously doing the 'Pick Me Dance' since you found out she was cheating. It's degrading and humiliating and makes you look weak, needy and pathetic. She's willing to take whatever money you want to give her and I haven't read a thing about her returning any of those lavish gifts you've showered upon her, but she sure makes it known that she's not interested in you romantically. 


> Last night she started acting weird. She said something last night that bothered me:
> "We either hang out as friends and see where that goes or you can move on. There is no "Picking up where we left off" and there is no guarantee what the ending will be. My feelings for you would have to be a lot stronger before I even think about moving on".
> 
> how do I take that?


It means that she wants you to continue FUNDING her and buying her things because she's a disgusting, using opportunist with no integrity at ALL, and she knows you're so desperate you'll take whatever crumbs she throws your way. She's let you know she'll be your friend (lucky lucky you!!) while you *continue* spending money on her, but don't expect anything more than that. She sweetens the pot just a slight to keep you desperately hanging on so she can continue using you by claiming "we'll see where it goes."

LOL. We all know exactly where this will go. NOWHERE, except for YOU going into further debt.

Why in hell have you chosen to take a permanent table at the **** Sandwich Bistro? Exactly how many **** sandwiches do you have to EAT before you finally realize you're being taken for a ride?

It's time you found your pride.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Down_And_Out said:


> I don't know... I know what I have to do.. like her Its just the act of doing it. If she says no to an anniversary dinner I'll know that she really doesn't care.. and I'll end things.


THIS is how you'll know she 'doesn't care?' If she goes out for a free dinner or not?

I guess cheating on you, lying to you, MOVING OUT and moving her 23 year old boy toy INTO her new place - then spending the next year milking you dry financially whiling continuing her bangfest with Romeo - wasn't ENOUGH of an indication of how much she *doesn't *care for you?

But turning down a free dinner WOULD show you?

My head hurts.


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## dawnabon (Mar 11, 2017)

Please dump her and get counseling. She's awful! 

I can't get over this part, sorry - who was with your son (and her other child??) while you were working and she was at the bar? And when she was at the bar and you discovered her cheating? Who was taking care of them? 

She's an appallingly terrible mother. 

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Dude, get a divorce, stop spending money on her, and get therapy. Move on. Your kids will be better off for it. What kind of an example do you think you are setting for them? It seems impossible, but do it, it'll get better and easier every day, and never, ever reopen the door for her.


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## Angelic Confirmation (May 5, 2017)

Definitely one of the most pathetic things I've ever read. Grow a pair and get rid of her. Screw dinner!! WAKE UP BOY. She is using you. She will cheat on you until the day you get rid of her.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Angelic Confirmation said:


> Definitely one of the most pathetic things I've ever read. Grow a pair and get rid of her. Screw dinner!! WAKE UP BOY. She is using you. She will cheat on you until the day you get rid of her.




He is a victim of an abusive and manipulating spouse. It's not pathetic, it's sad that another human can be this mean to another.


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## Moliverna (Apr 9, 2017)

Hey man she is using you. You are way too nice of a person. I used to be the same way. I'm not as bad anymore. It's hard but sometimes women just fall out of love. You need to let her go and let her pay her own way. It's really hard I know! You can't be paying for her **** anymore. Let her be broke and cheated on. She'll change her tune the second you stop paying for her ****. She'll show you how she truly feels. She will not be nice to you. Man this story hurt me to read it. Someone on here gave me a book to read called no more me nice guy I think. I'll find it for you. The thing is she met another guy and they found a deep connection. She then lost her connection with you buy saw that you kept trying so she exploited you. My god do yourself a favor and Let her go. You deserve much better. I know it hurts and it sucks to hear people on here say "leave her" but shes only in your life to take advantage of you. Find a Christian woman who would never do this to her husband. Forgiveness is very important here for you. You'll never move on if you don't. Forgive and go be happy with any other woman. Give me your thoughts on this and an update later on. Cut her off financially and got invest in yourself. Do something to better yourself. Go be happy without her. She'll be sorry in the end. She will also not like seeing you happy and not trying to be with her. Forgiveness and happiness bro. Reach for it!

Sent from my SM-G928P using Tapatalk


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Exactly. And be nice about it.

"This isn't a decision I would have wanted but I respect your decisions. I wish you the best. ". (She will still be smiling now). "I'll be separating finances tomorrow". (Begin rage)


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Just a serious, habitual case of "torch-holding" for her next paramour, IMHO!*


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

thank you all for your words. They really did help me. She kept saying "lets just be friends first and go from there". I realized the friendship was one sided. When she was hungry I'd bring her food, when she wanted to go somewhere I'd take her, foot rub, back rub, play with hair... I'd do it all. What did I get out of it? I got nothing out of it. On the way to work today she asked me if I wanted sushi. I said sure, can you get me a sashimi sampler. She then said that she didn't want to go. she said she wanted me to go and she wanted me to pay for it. I said politely no thanks. I wasn't really that hungry. Well she's been pissed off at me ever since. Hasn't talked to me at all (And I'm okay with that). Through this website, friends, and family members I'm moving on. I am unwilling to continue to let her string me along. Its not worth it. I will be returning with updates.


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

dawnabon said:


> Please dump her and get counseling. She's awful!
> 
> I can't get over this part, sorry - who was with your son (and her other child??) while you were working and she was at the bar? And when she was at the bar and you discovered her cheating? Who was taking care of them?
> 
> ...


my 14yo step son would watch my 6yo while she's out partying. yeah... mom of the year.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Stop allowing yourself to be used like this, its sickening. You think that you love her, but you really dont. You cant possibly. You have a sick obsession and codependence, that isnt love. (I've been there myself) Let her know you want her to get her stuff out of your place (if anything is left) and she is never welcome back. Go no contact with her unless it is regarding your kids, and file for divorce. Time to find your dignity again.


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## UnluckyOne (May 2, 2017)

There are a lot of good pointers here and I hope you sit down and read them. After reading them I hope you actually use them. By no means is my marriage healthy nor even close to perfect. But, I know one thing if my wife ever wanted to see someone else nor if I even caught/found out that she slept with someone else that divorce paper would be in her mailbox within 24hrs. At the end of the day it comes down to a fine line. A line of self dignity and self respect. After reading your story it's evident you don't value yourself enough. You obviously see what she's doing to you but yet allow it. You've been through so much that at this point have become a welcome rug. You welcome her to walk over you anytime she wants when she wants over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. It's time to look in the mirror and say you're better then this and you deserve better then this. Be there for your kid the rest toss it to the side and let her bf/lover or whatever you want to call him handle it. Time to walk away from sloppy seconds my friend. Time to start appreciating you more and standing up for yourself. Good luck.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

So when are you filing for D?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Down_And_Out said:


> thank you all for your words. They really did help me. She kept saying "lets just be friends first and go from there". I realized the friendship was one sided. When she was hungry I'd bring her food, when she wanted to go somewhere I'd take her, foot rub, back rub, play with hair... I'd do it all. What did I get out of it? I got nothing out of it. On the way to work today she asked me if I wanted sushi. I said sure, can you get me a sashimi sampler. She then said that she didn't want to go. she said she wanted me to go and she wanted me to pay for it. I said politely no thanks. I wasn't really that hungry. Well she's been pissed off at me ever since. Hasn't talked to me at all (And I'm okay with that). Through this website, friends, and family members I'm moving on. I am unwilling to continue to let her string me along. Its not worth it. I will be returning with updates.


Now you see the light. Tell her to stay mad.


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

Tron said:


> So when are you filing for D?


Going to the courthouse to get the papers on Friday. This needs to happen.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Down_And_Out said:


> Going to the courthouse to get the papers on Friday. This needs to happen.


It will be the smartest thing you've done in years. Good luck. I hope you've truly turned the corner on this. When a person lets a woman get them to this poInt, it's hard to break the cycle of abuse. This woman is trash. 

Choose wisely next time. And there will be lots to choose from! More than you ever thought.


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## Moliverna (Apr 9, 2017)

Down_And_Out said:


> thank you all for your words. They really did help me. She kept saying "lets just be friends first and go from there". I realized the friendship was one sided. When she was hungry I'd bring her food, when she wanted to go somewhere I'd take her, foot rub, back rub, play with hair... I'd do it all. What did I get out of it? I got nothing out of it. On the way to work today she asked me if I wanted sushi. I said sure, can you get me a sashimi sampler. She then said that she didn't want to go. she said she wanted me to go and she wanted me to pay for it. I said politely no thanks. I wasn't really that hungry. Well she's been pissed off at me ever since. Hasn't talked to me at all (And I'm okay with that). Through this website, friends, and family members I'm moving on. I am unwilling to continue to let her string me along. Its not worth it. I will be returning with updates.


BOOM! See what I told You? You stop paying her way and her true feeling for you will come out instantly. She is NOT a nice person. You ARE. Time for you to invest in yourself brotha. Move on and be happy. Give us an update. 

Sent from my SM-G928P using Tapatalk


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