# You were right



## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Hi all, how are you


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Hi Blonde. How have you been?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Hi Blonde. How have you been?


Not good to be honest


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Oh lord, Blonde. Sorry you are not too good. Always hoped that you wouldn’t be posting again, for all the right reasons.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Blonde1971 said:


> Not good to be honest


I’m sorry. What’s going on?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

are you still toying with reconciliation?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Oh lord, Blonde. Sorry you are not too good. Always hoped that you wouldn’t be posting again, for all the right reasons.


Everyone said it would turn out not well, but I had to give it a go. X


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Sorry to read this.. what were the twists and turns that brought you to this decision?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Everyone said it would turn out not well, but I had to give it a go. X


Oh, dear. But you gave it a go. What happened?

I think that being British, this is what we need right now:-


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

NTA said:


> Sorry to read this.. what were the twists and turns that brought you to this decision?


Twists and turns?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Blonde our lives did not come with manuals, or if...then conditional solutions, most of the time we go by the seat of our pants, and something turn out fine and others don't. But what is important is that you give it a go, you tried but what you realized is that one person can not support an entire marriage when the other person fails in equally do so. It is back breaking and emotionally defeating....now you must gather your strengthen and do what is in the best for yourself and your kids, do what you have to do to get through this, and if it means relaying on family and friends then do so, if it means you want to talk through it, through sites like TAM, there are a host of people who will listen. The important thing is don't keep it inside, don't hold back and bear the pain for his transgressions and selfishness.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Everyone said it would turn out not well, but I had to give it a go. X


Well, you gave, I assume, R a go. As I recall, you didn’t really like separation at one point in your original post and you gave that a go as well.

Personally, I think so much more of people who have the courage of their convictions and give things their best shot. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all and all that malarkey.

At least you can make some informed decisions now and hopefully move forward with your life in a positive way.

How are things with the kids? 

Sending big electronic hugs


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Blonde our lives did not come with manuals, or if...then conditional solutions, most of the time we go by the seat of our pants, and something turn out fine and others don't. But what is important is that you give it a go, you tried but what you realized is that one person can not support an entire marriage when the other person fails in equally do so. It is back breaking and emotionally defeating....now you must gather your strengthen and do what is in the best for yourself and your kids, do what you have to do to get through this, and if it means relaying on family and friends then do so, if it means you want to talk through it, through sites like TAM, there are a host of people who will listen. The important thing is don't keep it inside, don't hold back and bear the pain for his transgressions and selfishness.


Lost my boys. So no nothing left now. Cannot believe tho they still bother with the cheating husband, guess they did like me trying to get on with my life. Don’t matter anymore, hate life


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

tell me where you are mentally right now? tell me what where you and your husband are currently with hte divorce? do you have a lawyer ?


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> Twists and turns?


Hmmm.... how about "Swings and roundabouts."


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

What do you mean by lost your boys?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> What do you mean by lost your boys?


They don’t want to know me cos I gave the husband another chance,


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

NTA said:


> Hmmm.... how about "Swings and roundabouts."


Don’t understand what you are asking


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> They don’t want to know me cos I gave the husband another chance,


I’m so sorry to hear that. I think you should have listened to them. Your H is not worth it. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Trying to decipher what you're talking about. Did giving the husband another chance endanger the boys, and that's why you lost them, or did he just out-attorney you and take them? Because if it's the latter, even if you're an active addict or jailbird, the "system" always gives you a path to get them back. But you have to follow the steps.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Lost my boys. So no nothing left now. Cannot believe tho they still bother with the cheating husband, guess they did like me trying to get on with my life. Don’t matter anymore, hate life


Getting worried now Blonde.

Do you want to tell us what happened? If not, don’t worry, just tell us what we can do to help.

My memory of your boys is that they are grown up so is this a decision that they have made? What is it that they are or are not doing?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sorry you’re here but you aren’t the first nor will you be the last who lived on hopium. It’s time you make a decision. Cut him off and get on with your life.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> Don’t understand what you are asking


Quite often, for important decisions, people will remember the turning points and final moment one would think "Enough already!" I find those moments interesting. That's why I asked.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Trying to decipher what you're talking about. Did giving the husband another chance endanger the boys, and that's why you lost them, or did he just out-attorney you and take them? Because if it's the latter, even if you're an active addict or jailbird, the "system" always gives you a path to get them back. But you have to follow the steps.


Hello everyone, long time away trying to sort my life out sorry for not talking


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Your boys will come back to you. Don’t fret too much about that. There is no love like that of a son for his mother. Very sorry you’ve had a hard time.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Hello everyone, long time away trying to sort my life out sorry for not talking


Don't worry. We'll always be here for you.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Your boys will come back to you. Don’t fret too much about that. There is no love like that of a son for his mother. Very sorry you’ve had a hard time.


Hope you are right cos I am missing them like crazy


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Time fixes a lot of stuff. Call up your sons and talk to them. No sense worrying over that at least. Your boys will never fail to love you, even if they’re angry or hurt. It’s just not in a son to be that way. Normally.

I’d cut off my arm for a ten minute conversation with my mother.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

What are they angry about? Forgive me if I’ve misunderstood, was it becaUse of the drinking?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

What exactly does it mean that you lost your boys?

Are they not speaking to you?

Where are they living?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

One Eighty said:


> You have only "lost" your boys because they care about you. They are hurt that you did not take their advice but they gave you that advice because they love and care about you. I can't imagine this will last long. They would not be hurt and able to express that if they didn't care about you. I would bet dollars to donuts you will be tight with these boys again very soon and that will last until your dying day. They will eventually understand why you did what you did and they will forgive you.
> 
> If that is even needed. No one should be so in charge of some one else's decisions on such an important and personal matter.


So I have 4 boys, 3 from a previous marriage and one with the husband that cheated, the 3 from 1st marriage I was pregnant with the 3rd when he left, he’s now 23, the eldest was 6 and is now 28 and the middle one was 4 and is now 27. All 3 boys worshipped the ground the cheating husband walked on. The one that I had with husband is now 21. 28 year old no longer talks to me and lives up north, but he does still speak with the cheating husband, it has been like this don’t nice beginning of June, it hurts me and the only thing one of my other sons told me it’s because he didn’t agree with some of my decisions, I would very much like to know more detail on how he has come to the decision of cutting me off, yes drinking was an issue for me but never inflicted anything hurt to anyone apart from myself. 23 year old lives with me, hates me, is very rude and disrespectful towards me. 27 year old, so distant with me and 21 year old is not too bad with me but nothing is the same, we were all so close and now not.
I feel like I have turned out to be the bad person and being punished and I don’t know why. The cheating husband just seems to be being treated the same by everyone that knows him.
I just think it’s best for me and everyone else if I go and move far away cos begin here I feel that I’m being punished.
I was the one cheated on and now I have taken him back everyone else is not being very nice. Can’t win either way.

I am just getting over having Covid and not one of my sons have bothered to ask how I am or nothing. Feel so unhappy


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

It sounds like they don’t agree with your relationship decisions? So first husband left you, they cut contact, you take second husband they don’t like that either?

Look I would not chase them, if they’ve asked for no contact, let them come to you.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> It sounds like they don’t agree with your relationship decisions? So first husband left you, they cut contact, you take second husband they don’t like that either?
> 
> Look I would not chase them, if they’ve asked for no contact, let them come to you.


No they didn’t not cut contact with my first husband, he imagrated. All was fine with that one


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Blonde1971 My wife and I are suffering from long COVID, so I know how poorly it can make you feel.

Sorry your boys are not manning up.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Hi everyone, need some advice please. Things not been going well with the reconciliation, not fighting or anything but things are not right. He’s driving me insane, I’m not allowed to talk about his affair or bring the subject up. If I do he starts accusing me of being of stuff and says things like , you won’t ever let me go will you’ but in the terms of like I stalk him or something anyway not in a good way. Which makes me feel awful and I don’t understand why he’s saying things like that, he tells me he loves me but in the bedroom never try’s to start anything with me, it’s always me trying to start things. I want this to end cos it’s making me feel so sad and he makes me out to be some horrible person. But, I have no where to go, no money, nothing at all. Anyone got any ideas on what I can do please


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

3Xnocharm said:


> I’m so sorry to hear that. I think you should have listened to them. Your H is not worth it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Isn’t the most awful feeling when you love someone and they feel your love but you don’t get the same back, but yet they are happy to take take take until they see you on your knees begging to be loved the same back.
I have no money, no loyalty from my 4 boys I brought up, I have nothing at all and struggling to see how I can have any sort of life. Living on the streets at 50 cos I have lost everything, I can’t do.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Well of course your reconciliation is not working. Your cheater is not sorry or remorseful, he has no respect for you, and doesn’t love you. The way that he is going about things is 100% wrong. I’m sorry you don’t feel you have any options, but I suggest you get to work on making something happen. Get a job. Reach out to family. Start squirreling away money. Stop the pity party… because you chose this, remember… and get to work changing things. 

Unless of course you like having a man you neither loves or respects you and want to live like this forever. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

3Xnocharm said:


> Well of course your reconciliation is not working. Your cheater is not sorry or remorseful, he has no respect for you, and doesn’t love you. The way that he is going about things is 100% wrong. I’m sorry you don’t feel you have any options, but I suggest you get to work on making something happen. Get a job. Reach out to family. Start squirreling away money. Stop the pity party… because you chose this, remember… and get to work changing things.
> 
> Unless of course you like having a man you neither loves or respects you and want to live like this forever.
> 
> ...


I do have a full time job but don’t earn enough to pay all the bills and rent. Yea it does sound like a pity party, sorry. And you are right it was my choice to take him back. Don’t have any family than can help and I’m only talking on here because I don’t want to tell anyone how awful it is, I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I’m just going to let go I think and see how things turn out. I haven’t got a bloody clue me!


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

I doubt your boys hate you. Sounds like you need to work on your own happiness. Stop drinking, get fit, do some fun stuff group/club stuff. Don't just sit in a hole and flick mud about. Make some choices to make yourself happy.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Blonde1971 Have you looked at women's shelters? 

This number might help. Get Help — Centre for Women's Justice

I'll provide more later but my parrot is playing up at the moment.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Get a another small job on top of the job you already have and work your days off or evenings off or whatever. I've had to work two jobs most of my life to support myself. You're not going to get it from any of your family. And then the other thing you need to do is find a paying roommate. You say one of your sons is living with you. Don't let anyone live with you unless they're splitting the bills because that will only make it harder to find a paying roommate.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My parrot's eating now, so here goes





Domestic Abuse Helplines - Dawn Butler


If you are experiencing domestic abuse there are a number of ways to seek support. I know it will be difficult to stay home, but please make the call. You should never suffer in silence. Please look through the resource below for all the available support for people seeking support. The police...




www.dawnbutler.org.uk


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I do have a full time job but don’t earn enough to pay all the bills and rent. Yea it does sound like a pity party, sorry. And you are right it was my choice to take him back. Don’t have any family than can help and I’m only talking on here because I don’t want to tell anyone how awful it is, I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I’m just going to let go I think and see how things turn out. I haven’t got a bloody clue me!


Sorry to hear nothing is better for you. I think you are going to have to figure out how to live in this marriage as a autonomous person. Find your own life and hobbies, friends and enjoyment and treat him like a roommate you have to handle with kid gloves. I don’t really see a whole lot of other options if you really are serious that you’ll be destitute by leaving him.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Sorry to hear nothing is better for you. I think you are going to have to figure out how to live in this marriage as a autonomous person. Find your own life and hobbies, friends and enjoyment and treat him like a roommate you have to handle with kid gloves. I don’t really see a whole lot of other options if you really are serious that you’ll be destitute by leaving him.


I cannot live like this anymore, all I have done is made things worse by getting back together with him. He doesn’t love me and has done absolutely nothing, just carried on like nothing has happened, where as I, in a terrible mess with myself. So pathetic, don’t even know myself anymore


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> I cannot live like this anymore, all I have done is made things worse by getting back together with him. He doesn’t love me and has done absolutely nothing, just carried on like nothing has happened, where as I, in a terrible mess with myself. So pathetic, don’t even know myself anymore


But none of this is your fault. 

You gave him an opportunity to redeem himself and he wasted it, which is down to him, not you.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> But none of this is your fault.
> 
> You gave him an opportunity to redeem himself and he wasted it, which is down to him, not you.


Well it feels like my fault. My 4 boys have no time for me, my husband is doing a good job of turning them against me. I want to be able to deal with this crap better but I’m not.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Get a another small job on top of the job you already have and work your days off or evenings off or whatever. I've had to work two jobs most of my life to support myself. You're not going to get it from any of your family. And then the other thing you need to do is find a paying roommate. You say one of your sons is living with you. Don't let anyone live with you unless they're splitting the bills because that will only make it harder to find a paying roommate.


I am trying to get another job, applied for a few, chased them up but nothing back as yet. I don’t feel like I can ask the boys for anymore they pay £100 each a month.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> I am trying to get another job, applied for a few, chased them up but nothing back as yet. I don’t feel like I can ask the boys for anymore they pay £100 each a month.


Divorce your husband?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Why don’t you tell people? Because they might tell you what we’re telling you? Why be embarrassed


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Divorce your husband?


Yes, I am hoping he will leave today. I’m currently sat downstairs working he’s in bed, I drove to the river severn last night, stupid. I think the reason I am all over the place is because I just don’t know what I’m doing or how the handle this awful situation I’m all over the place


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Divorce your husband?


Yes, I am hoping he will leave today. I’m currently sat downstairs working he’s in bed,


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I am trying to get another job, applied for a few, chased them up but nothing back as yet. I don’t feel like I can ask the boys for anymore they pay £100 each a month.


That's exactly why I say kick them out on their own so you can get a roommate who pays full half of everything. No one will move in and share rent or mortgage with your kids living there sponging off you. They're grown. You need a paying renter. Get that little part-time job (doesn't matter if pay is low -- even $8 an hour for 15 hours is extra $4800 a year) and get a roommate. You won't be home much for the roommate to bother you. You'll get on your feet pretty quick. You can't do it feeding grown kids. Young people have zero trouble finding a couple of roommates to move in with and a job, a lot less trouble than you have. You need to think about your own survival now.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde, have you actually SEEN a lawyer about this? I think you have a ton of fear about your future finances that they may be able to help alleviate. If you divorce, you would reasonably expect some sort of spousal support, no? You would get 50% of your marital assets, no? 

As for your sons -- tell them, YOU made to choice to try and R because you felt it was the right thing to do FOR YOU. Unfortunately, the sons were right, and HE is not worth it anymore. THEY are your sons and should be supporting YOU and not a cheating scumbag. If they can't see that, then you need to harden yourself a bit and let them go. Your son who is being nasty and paying 100 for rent? How about standing up to him -- rent is now 500 (or whatever) and he can either pay or move out since he isn't helpful to you or supportive.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Why don’t you tell people? Because they might tell you what we’re telling you? Why be embarrassed


I have had enough of me so others would of had enough of me too. I’m just going to stay silent.


jlg07 said:


> Blonde, have you actually SEEN a lawyer about this? I think you have a ton of fear about your future finances that they may be able to help alleviate. If you divorce, you would reasonably expect some sort of spousal support, no? You would get 50% of your marital assets, no?
> 
> As for your sons -- tell them, YOU made to choice to try and R because you felt it was the right thing to do FOR YOU. Unfortunately, the sons were right, and HE is not worth it anymore. THEY are your sons and should be supporting YOU and not a cheating scumbag. If they can't see that, then you need to harden yourself a bit and let them go. Your son who is being nasty and paying 100 for rent? How about standing up to him -- rent is now 500 (or whatever) and he can either pay or move out since he isn't helpful to you or supportive.


I haven’t seen a lawyer no, they cost money. He’s just said to me as soon as he finds somewhere else to live he’s moving out! Like I’m the one that has caused this! Ok I have had moments where I lose my mind but I don’t think I have been that bad. He’s really good at making me feel that I am to blame. That hurts me a lot. I’m so upset that he doesn’t see anything from my point of view.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> That's exactly why I say kick them out on their own so you can get a roommate who pays full half of everything. No one will move in and share rent or mortgage with your kids living there sponging off you. They're grown. You need a paying renter. Get that little part-time job (doesn't matter if pay is low -- even $8 an hour for 15 hours is extra $4800 a year) and get a roommate. You won't be home much for the roommate to bother you. You'll get on your feet pretty quick. You can't do it feeding grown kids. Young people have zero trouble finding a couple of roommates to move in with and a job, a lot less trouble than you have. You need to think about your own survival now.


I hope I survive this but I’m not 100% sure I will. It feels like I have lost everything and I want my mind to be quiet now.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It will just be up to you to survive and make the changes you need to be able to do that. You can definitely survive but you'll have to make some changes.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Also, the way to get your mind to be quiet is to get off the fence and start taking action and acting on decision that take you forward and accepting you have to change things up.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> I have had enough of me so others would of had enough of me too. I’m just going to stay silent.
> 
> I haven’t seen a lawyer no, they cost money. He’s just said to me as soon as he finds somewhere else to live he’s moving out! Like I’m the one that has caused this! Ok I have had moments where I lose my mind but I don’t think I have been that bad. He’s really good at making me feel that I am to blame. That hurts me a lot. I’m so upset that he doesn’t see anything from my point of view.












He’s gaslighting you, don’t listen to a damn thing he says. You know the truth. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Yes, I am hoping he will leave today. I’m currently sat downstairs working he’s in bed, I drove to the river severn last night, stupid. I think the reason I am all over the place is because I just don’t know what I’m doing or how the handle this awful situation I’m all over the place


The River Severn? Know it reasonably well.  

If you feel desperate Visit the Samaritans Homepage or call them on 116 123 for free.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde, you can always ask the attorney what to be doing.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

You should be eligible for alimony. I'm not from the UK but that is a long marriage it sounds like. Does he make more than you?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> You should be eligible for alimony. I'm not from the UK but that is a long marriage it sounds like. Does he make more than you?


Yes he does. I’m in the office today so I will be away from him and I have deleted him on my phone so I don’t get tempted to text him or call.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Blonde, you can always ask the attorney what to be doing.


Don’t you have to pay for that?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Time fixes a lot of stuff. Call up your sons and talk to them. No sense worrying over that at least. Your boys will never fail to love you, even if they’re angry or hurt. It’s just not in a son to be that way. Normally.
> 
> I’d cut off my arm for a ten minute conversation with my mother.


Me too, she would be able to help me. 4 years since she passed, miss her so much.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

3Xnocharm said:


> Well of course your reconciliation is not working. Your cheater is not sorry or remorseful, he has no respect for you, and doesn’t love you. The way that he is going about things is 100% wrong. I’m sorry you don’t feel you have any options, but I suggest you get to work on making something happen. Get a job. Reach out to family. Start squirreling away money. Stop the pity party… because you chose this, remember… and get to work changing things.
> 
> Unless of course you like having a man you neither loves or respects you and want to live like this forever.
> 
> ...


No I don’t want him. I have so much love to give, I’m a good person and I deserve better, it’s just getting through this which feels impossible because I have no clue how to deal with it. What plans to put in place etc. I’m just going to let go of the rains and see where I land don’t know what else to do.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Don’t you have to pay for that?


An in initial appointment is usually free


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Don’t you have to pay for that?


During a divorce you need to have your own attorney and it will come out of the divorce settlement and division of assets. If you don't have your own attorney you're going to get a bad deal. You must not share an attorney with the person you're divorcing. You have to get a family law attorney of your own to represent your best interests.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> During a divorce you need to have your own attorney and it will come out of the divorce settlement and division of assets. If you don't have your own attorney you're going to get a bad deal. You must not share an attorney with the person you're divorcing. You have to get a family law attorney of your own to represent your best interests.


There is no settlement to be done. No money involved at all apart from paying normal bills.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> There is no settlement to be done. No money involved at all apart from paying normal bills.


You Don't own furniture or a home or car?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde1971 said:


> Don’t you have to pay for that?


Some times attorneys will give a free 1/2 hour or hour consultation before you hire them.
You may be able to see a few different ones to get questions answered for free. You should also lookup divorce laws where you live to see what is available there also -- many basic questions you have can be answered that way.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You Don't own furniture or a home or car?


Also, retirement funds, investment accounts, bank accounts, etc.. ANY asset that you both own is pretty much going to be considered for being split.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You Don't own furniture or a home or car?


He has company car I have my own car and he won’t want anything from our home.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> He has company car I have my own car and he won’t want anything from our home.


Are you owning the home and have a mortgage or are you renting the home? Do you have the option of just moving into a smaller place that isn't as expensive and selling the home you're in?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Just know that anything that was his is half yours and that includes any funds or anything like she said above. He may have hidden money you don't even know about that an attorney can find.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

If he owns a company, (car company?), if he built that up while married to you, very likely YOU can get a part of that business also....


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde, have you filed for divorce? Because him just moving out does not give you a divorce and you will be half responsible for any debts or anything he runs up if you are still married to him but he is living a separate life. I know you don't want to pay for other women. You need to get this done legally with an attorney one way or the other. If you already have divorce papers then fine, but just walking away doesn't work.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> He has company car I have my own car and he won’t want anything from our home.





DownByTheRiver said:


> Blonde, have you filed for divorce? Because him just moving out does not give you a divorce and you will be half responsible for any debts or anything he runs up if you are still married to him but he is living a separate life. I know you don't want to pay for other women. You need to get this done legally with an attorney one way or the other. If you already have divorce papers then fine, but just walking away doesn't work.


No I haven’t filed for divorce. He has not got any debt. I will be calling citizens advice in the morning for legal advice. Why doesn’t it work just separating?


DownByTheRiver said:


> Are you owning the home and have a mortgage or are you renting the home? Do you have the option of just moving into a smaller place that isn't as expensive and selling the home you're in?


I privately rent, we have no savings now. But I will be wanting half his pension, calling citizens advice in the morning for some legal advice. I have been looking for smaller places to rent but ideally I don’t want to put my 2 sons on the streets


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

@Blonde1971 wonder if this will help. It's a link for free legal/law advice clinics in the UK. Maybe see if one near you and also contact your local citizens advice. Good luck. Hope you can find a good support system.









Finding free or affordable legal help


Find out how to get legal help if you're on a low income, including advice from a law centre or legal aid solicitor, and trial or tribunal representation by a pro bono barrister.




www.citizensadvice.org.uk





When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> @Blonde1971 wonder if this will help. It's a link for free legal/law advice clinics in the UK. Maybe see if one near you and also contact your local citizens advice. Good luck. Hope you can find a good support system.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Go on link I posted above and scroll down to the free legal advice clinic in photo below. Then click on were the clinic is highlighted and you will be able to search clinics near you.









When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA


----------



## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> If he owns a company, (car company?), if he built that up while married to you, very likely YOU can get a part of that business also....


No he doesn’t own a company car he drives a company car.


CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> Go on link I posted above and scroll down to the free legal advice clinic in photo below. Then click on were the clinic is highlighted and you will be able to search clinics near you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


thank you I will look at this tomorrow


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> No I haven’t filed for divorce. He has not got any debt. I will be calling citizens advice in the morning for legal advice. Why doesn’t it work just separating?
> 
> I privately rent, we have no savings now. But I will be wanting half his pension, calling citizens advice in the morning for some legal advice. I have been looking for smaller places to rent but ideally I don’t want to put my 2 sons on the streets


I hope you get some legal advice from them. Just separating doesn't work at all. If he fails to pay his taxes you'll be responsible for them. If he gets a credit card and decides to run it up you'll be responsible for that. If he buys a car and it gets repossessed you'll be responsible for that. If he trashes his apartment you'll be responsible. You have got to have a legal divorce or you're going to end up in some problems down the line. What if he goes in the hospital and runs up $100,000 bill? What if he gets in a car accident that's his fault and get sued? As long as you're his married legal partner you are responsible for that just like he is. And if he goes bankrupt you'll be seeing that on your credit report as well. 

Contract is mainly about money and things you owe together. You've got to get out of that. You need to file papers ASAP because until you do you are still financially bound to him.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I hope you get some legal advice from them. Just separating doesn't work at all. If he fails to pay his taxes you'll be responsible for them. If he gets a credit card and decides to run it up you'll be responsible for that. If he buys a car and it gets repossessed you'll be responsible for that. If he trashes his apartment you'll be responsible. You have got to have a legal divorce or you're going to end up in some problems down the line. What if he goes in the hospital and runs up $100,000 bill? What if he gets in a car accident that's his fault and get sued? As long as you're his married legal partner you are responsible for that just like he is. And if he goes bankrupt you'll be seeing that on your credit report as well.
> 
> Contract is mainly about money and things you owe together. You've got to get out of that. You need to file papers ASAP because until you do you are still financially bound to him.


I will be and thank you


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I will be and thank you


I'm really sorry you're going through this and I know it's all hard to deal with all at once. Do you have any family or friends you can let know what's going on and bounce things off of and keep informed? Maybe even a workmate. Maybe there's someone at work who is savvy about business things and financial things that you would feel comfortable talking to.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm really sorry you're going through this and I know it's all hard to deal with all at once. Do you have any family or friends you can let know what's going on and bounce things off of and keep informed? Maybe even a workmate. Maybe there's someone at work who is savvy about business things and financial things that you would feel comfortable talking to.


I should never of let him back after him cheating but I had to know if we had a future and could repair our marriage, lesson learnt. I do have people I could speak to but when I found out about his affair I went into complete meltdown and feel like I can’t bother people again because I was the one that took him back and they all said not to. Can’t burden people again.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I should never of let him back after him cheating but I had to know if we had a future and could repair our marriage, lesson learnt. I do have people I could speak to but when I found out about his affair I went into complete meltdown and feel like I can’t bother people again because I was the one that took him back and they all said not to. Can’t burden people again.


Don't think like that. If I was your real life friend I would understand that you had to give it some time to see what to do but I would be vastly relieved if you came to me and said you were filing papers and taking care of it. So I really urge you to let someone know who has a lot of good financial or business or legal knowledge.

One reason I want you to do this is because I'm in the US and laws vary my country and by state, so you need to get advice there locally on legal matters related to divorce. If you're in the UK, there may be someone else even on this forum who has more knowledge about it. I hope you are able to get in to get advice from that place you're going to talk to.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde you CAN talk to people about it.
Look:


Blonde1971 said:


> I had to know if we had a future and could repair our marriage, lesson learnt


You had to do this for YOU to make sure that YOU felt you did everything you could before heading for divorce. There is nothing to be ashamed about -- you tried your all here. Your fam/friends WILL understand once you explain. You MAY get a ton of "I told you so", but that's ok -- let them have that.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> Go on link I posted above and scroll down to the free legal advice clinic in photo below. Then click on were the clinic is highlighted and you will be able to search clinics near you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> I should never of let him back after him cheating but I had to know if we had a future and could repair our marriage, lesson learnt. I do have people I could speak to but when I found out about his affair I went into complete meltdown and feel like I can’t bother people again because I was the one that took him back and they all said not to. Can’t burden people again.


It takes people about 7 tries to kick any bad habit: smoking, drinking, a bad / abusive marriage so don't think you will be a burden to those who are in your corner supporting you. They will be happy that you have finally come to your senses & are now willing to walk away. 

You gave it a shot. Even if that was an ill-advised choice you needed to know & now you do. This marriage has to end. So end it.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> It takes people about 7 tries to kick any bad habit: smoking, drinking, a bad / abusive marriage so don't think you will be a burden to those who are in your corner supporting you. They will be happy that you have finally come to your senses & are now willing to walk away.
> 
> You gave it a shot. Even if that was an ill-advised choice you needed to know & now you do. This marriage has to end. So end it.


It’s ended, been on phone to citizens advice, I’m going to leave the home, seeing my 3 boys later to discuss things with them and hoping they will understand.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Good for you. Often the 1st steps are the toughest. You are stronger than you know. 

I think your kids will be happy that you are finally sticking up for yourself. 

Best wishes.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I hope you get some legal advice from them. Just separating doesn't work at all. If he fails to pay his taxes you'll be responsible for them. If he gets a credit card and decides to run it up you'll be responsible for that. If he buys a car and it gets repossessed you'll be responsible for that. If he trashes his apartment you'll be responsible. You have got to have a legal divorce or you're going to end up in some problems down the line. What if he goes in the hospital and runs up $100,000 bill? What if he gets in a car accident that's his fault and get sued? As long as you're his married legal partner you are responsible for that just like he is. And if he goes bankrupt you'll be seeing that on your credit report as well.
> 
> Contract is mainly about money and things you owe together. You've got to get out of that. You need to file papers ASAP because until you do you are still financially bound to him.


Lucky that UK law tends to be somewhat different to US law, I think. 

But @Blonde1971 you must secure your legal position all the same.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

D0nnivain gives great advice, and so happy you reached that place for some legal advice and what to do next and are taking the next step. That is being a great role model for your kids.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

I’m having weak moments. He’s is being so distant to me, I know that’s a good thing but it’s hurting me


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> It’s ended, been on phone to citizens advice, I’m going to leave the home, seeing my 3 boys later to discuss things with them and hoping they will understand.


UK Citizen's advice wouldn't have told you to leave the home.
If I were your husband, the moment you left I would have the locks changed, and claim you had voluntarily given up all rights to live there. You will also be giving up all rights to social housing by leaving your existing home.

Live in the home, have the divorce papers served.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> UK Citizen's advice wouldn't have told you to leave the home.
> If I were your husband, the moment you left I would have the locks changed, and claim you had voluntarily given up all rights to live there. You will also be giving up all rights to social housing by leaving your existing home.
> 
> Live in the home, have the divorce papers served.


That’s easier said than done, I had a real weak moment last night and spent most of the night crying about my 23 year marriage. I’m sick and I’m tired, just want to leave and be as far away from him as possible, it’s the only way I will heal


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You have to break the trauma bonds with this man. It will take time and therapy. Have you got yourself some therapy or counselling?


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> That’s easier said than done, I had a real weak moment last night and spent most of the night crying about my 23 year marriage. I’m sick and I’m tired, just want to leave and be as far away from him as possible, it’s the only way I will heal


Being a homeless person living in shop doorways will be worse.
Try thinking of him as a house share stranger, and not as your husband.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

aine said:


> You have to break the trauma bonds with this man. It will take time and therapy. Have you got yourself some therapy or counselling?


I haven’t got therapy or counseling, I think if I get away from him then I can just think about me and start to live myself again. I do read a lot of books though, ones that help me


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Do the 180 with him -- it will help you detach.
180 for Betrayed Spouses


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> I’m having weak moments. He’s is being so distant to me, I know that’s a good thing but it’s hurting me


The end of anything is always painful but here this is for the best. Him being "distant" from you is just one more way he is harming you. Things will get better when you break fully away. 

Let your adult children help you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I’m having weak moments. He’s is being so distant to me, I know that’s a good thing but it’s hurting me


He just doesn't run as deep as you do. He's fickle. Your good memories will always belong to you. Just remember that the love you had for him came from within yourself. It wasn't a third entity created by the two of you being together. It was your love that you felt and gave to him. You still have that inside you and you can take it with you when you go and you can choose whether to give it to another person. 

I'm sure it's natural to be feeling kind of wobbly under the circumstances. Here you are at a very important time in your life and the person you are used to relying on can no longer be relied on. But the more decisions you make for yourself, the better and more confident you are going to feel. 

And since it seems his best interests have certainly not been about you lately, your own decisions will take you at a better direction than his did


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Do the 180 with him -- it will help you detach.
> 180 for Betrayed Spouses


What is a 180?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> D0nnivain gives great advice, and so happy you reached that place for some legal advice and what to do next and are taking the next step. That is being a great role model for your kids.


Thank you


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He just doesn't run as deep as you do. He's fickle. Your good memories will always belong to you. Just remember that the love you had for him came from within yourself. It wasn't a third entity created by the two of you being together. It was your love that you felt and gave to him. You still have that inside you and you can take it with you when you go and you can choose whether to give it to another person.
> 
> I'm sure it's natural to be feeling kind of wobbly under the circumstances. Here you are at a very important time in your life and the person you are used to relying on can no longer be relied on. But the more decisions you make for yourself, the better and more confident you are going to feel.
> 
> And since it seems his best interests have certainly not been about you lately, your own decisions will take you at a better direction than his did


Yes, completely, you get me! I’m ready to move on from him, don’t want to know anything about what he’s doing, this is massive for me. I’m looking forward, not back, what will be for me I’m ready to accept, as long as I’m not with him.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde1971 said:


> What is a 180?


Click the link. Its a way of minimizing interactions with you STBXH so that YOU can detach.....


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Click the link. Its a way of minimizing interactions with you STBXH so that YOU can detach.....


Sorry what link?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Blonde1971 said:


> Sorry what link?





jlg07 said:


> Do the 180 with him -- it will help you detach.
> 180 for Betrayed Spouses


Click on the shaded part that says "180 for Betrayed Spouses"


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Click on the shaded part that says "180 for Betrayed Spouses"


Got it thanks, good reading. I am doing most of that now. I really don’t fare if he notices a difference in me, I don’t want to waste another minute on him. But the 180 makes me feel strong and in control for a change!


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

@Blonde1971 I'm also in the UK  if i lived near you I would help you move etc, or meet for a coffee and give my support. I'm in Scotland though, so think I'm too far away from you. If you need another female to just chat to, you can send me a message. I'm also struggling atm and do have days I shut myself off from the world, and may go silent for a few days or a week. I understand what you are going through. We all need a good support around us. I'm seperated from my husband and I'm the one who moved out after a breakdown. Hope you are ok today.

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> @Blonde1971 I'm also in the UK  if i lived near you I would help you move etc, or meet for a coffee and give my support. I'm in Scotland though, so think I'm too far away from you. If you need another female to just chat to, you can send me a message. I'm also struggling atm and do have days I shut myself off from the world, and may go silent for a few days or a week. I understand what you are going through. We all need a good support around us. I'm seperated from my husband and I'm the one who moved out after a breakdown. Hope you are ok today.
> 
> When you walk through a storm
> Hold your head up high
> ...


Feeling positive today, doing lots of work to love myself again. Scotland! I’m in Bristol. Yes it would be good for both of us to have a private conversation. Don’t get me wrong, people on here are amazing, don’t know if they all know that, they have saved me at times when I was at my lowest. I always look at this site first when I wake in the mornings it’s my safe place that no one knows about in my family and I can really speak openly. Is there such a place were you can have private chats on here?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> Feeling positive today, doing lots of work to love myself again. Scotland! I’m in Bristol. Yes it would be good for both of us to have a private conversation. Don’t get me wrong, people on here are amazing, don’t know if they all know that, they have saved me at times when I was at my lowest. I always look at this site first when I wake in the mornings it’s my safe place that no one knows about in my family and I can really speak openly. Is there such a place were you can have private chats on here?


Feeling absolutely ****. I have withdrawn from everyone I know, who the hell wants it needs a friend like me. I don’t even know myself anymore. Since finding out about his affair in April, I just can’t find the old me, I’m a ****ing waste of space.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde, STOP THIS RIGHT NOW. You are NOT a waste of space -- you are a caring person who got screwed over by someone YOU WERE SUPPOSED to trust.
All friends go through crap and need help. There is a Bill Withers song -- Lean on Me. Listen to it.
EVERYONE needs help during their life -- we are not meant to be complete islands. LET your friends help you. That doesn't mean you *****/moan every three seconds about everything, but your close friends will WANT to help you. LET THEM.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Feeling absolutely ****. I have withdrawn from everyone I know, who the hell wants it needs a friend like me. I don’t even know myself anymore. Since finding out about his affair in April, I just can’t find the old me, I’m a ****ing waste of space.


The issue is that his actions have changed your desire to live. That’s a problem. That tells me you weren’t in a great place to begin with before the affair. Have you found a therapist? Someone to help you understand that your life has value outside of your marriage and outside of what your husband thinks or does. Or any person for that matter. I think it’s necessary for you to find one. Please.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> The issue is that his actions have changed your desire to live. That’s a problem. That tells me you weren’t in a great place to begin with before the affair. Have you found a therapist? Someone to help you understand that your life has value outside of your marriage and outside of what your husband thinks or does. Or any person for that matter. I think it’s necessary for you to find one. Please.


Yes, I’m talking. Especially on my dark days, I am doing my best to have positive thoughts, reading, meditation. The loss I feel inside is vile, I know what he’s done to me..so can’t really understand why I feel alone, crying etc. I do want to move on build a future for myself.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Yes, I’m talking. Especially on my dark days, I am doing my best to have positive thoughts, reading, meditation. The loss I feel inside is vile, I know what he’s done to me..so can’t really understand why I feel alone, crying etc. I do want to move on build a future for myself.


Its a very isolating experience. Even people who have been through it sometimes do not understand intricacies of your situation. I would encourage you to post here more, use it to vent what you’re feeling and know that there are people here for you. You aren’t alone. Hundreds of people on this forum are connected to one another, in my darkest times that made me feel so much better. People have hurt and are hurting as you are, felt what you have. Someone has felt every single thing you have felt right now.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Its a very isolating experience. Even people who have been through it sometimes do not understand intricacies of your situation. I would encourage you to post here more, use it to vent what you’re feeling and know that there are people here for you. You aren’t alone. Hundreds of people on this forum are connected to one another, in my darkest times that made me feel so much better. People have hurt and are hurting as you are, felt what you have. Someone has felt every single thing you have felt right now.


I feel stupid, I feel like all I do is moan, I don’t like this person I have become, I think that people get fed up of me, that’s why I have not been posting much and yes not mixing with people. I haven’t left the house once in 3 days, my 2 boys that live here with me are away on holiday, they will be back Sunday. I truly can’t stand all the negative thoughts I have, I talk to myself tell myself to stop it, focus on positive stuff, I’m struggling with that, I need to see a light, some sort of ending, I dunno I’m talking rubbish again


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I feel stupid, I feel like all I do is moan, I don’t like this person I have become, I think that people get fed up of me, that’s why I have not been posting much and yes not mixing with people. I haven’t left the house once in 3 days, my 2 boys that live here with me are away on holiday, they will be back Sunday. I truly can’t stand all the negative thoughts I have, I talk to myself tell myself to stop it, focus on positive stuff, I’m struggling with that, I need to see a light, some sort of ending, I dunno I’m talking rubbish again


I understand. I did feel like there were people in my life that were pretty sick of hearing about my problems too. But here, you can post as much as you want to, even if someone doesn’t respond, there is probably a person out there reading and sharing your experience that is too afraid to post for whatever reason. If someone doesn’t want to read it, they won’t. You can’t possibly be a burden on people by posting here.

I’ve found that telling yourself to stop thinking about something, or that it’s stupid or ridiculous to think that way does not help. What helped me a lot was to accept every thought no matter how crappy or negative. Accept it.. “that’s how I feel right now, this is what I think. And it’s ok.” Imagine yourself as your own friend, tell yourself it’s ok to think whatever it is you think. That it’s all a normal part of the process. Because it is! But also be kind to yourself. There is an end to the sadness, there is a time when you will not feel sad or negative all the time… it will slowly ebb away, it’s all part of the healing.

Sending you hugs my friend.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Feeling absolutely ****. I have withdrawn from everyone I know, who the hell wants it needs a friend like me. I don’t even know myself anymore. Since finding out about his affair in April, I just can’t find the old me, I’m a ****ing waste of space.


Everyone needs a friend like you.  

You aren't a waste of space. At all.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I feel stupid, I feel like all I do is moan, I don’t like this person I have become, I think that people get fed up of me, that’s why I have not been posting much and yes not mixing with people. I haven’t left the house once in 3 days, my 2 boys that live here with me are away on holiday, they will be back Sunday. I truly can’t stand all the negative thoughts I have, I talk to myself tell myself to stop it, focus on positive stuff, I’m struggling with that, I need to see a light, some sort of ending, I dunno I’m talking rubbish again


It's much more healthy to face reality than to try to force yourself to spin it into something positive. Life has negative moments. That's not your fault. Being positive isn't going to undo it. Just relax when you can and take care of business when you can and that's about the best you can do.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blonde, listen to Sinatra's That's Life.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> I understand. I did feel like there were people in my life that were pretty sick of hearing about my problems too. But here, you can post as much as you want to, even if someone doesn’t respond, there is probably a person out there reading and sharing your experience that is too afraid to post for whatever reason. If someone doesn’t want to read it, they won’t. You can’t possibly be a burden on people by posting here.
> 
> I’ve found that telling yourself to stop thinking about something, or that it’s stupid or ridiculous to think that way does not help. What helped me a lot was to accept every thought no matter how crappy or negative. Accept it.. “that’s how I feel right now, this is what I think. And it’s ok.” Imagine yourself as your own friend, tell yourself it’s ok to think whatever it is you think. That it’s all a normal part of the process. Because it is! But also be kind to yourself. There is an end to the sadness, there is a time when you will not feel sad or negative all the time… it will slowly ebb away, it’s all part of the healing.
> 
> Sending you hugs my friend.


Thank you


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

Building up your confidence takes time. Start with something small that involves a little social interaction. I started with a badminton group and fitness classes. These involve a little social interaction and it is nice to do something as a group. You could take up a night class or something like that. Learning something new is really good for the mind as is physical excercise. Hill walking is also great and gives you a feeling of achievement and plenty of fresh air. You can find groups on facebook or use an app like MEETUPS as I did. Spending too much time in your own head is self-defeating.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde1971 said:


> I feel stupid, I feel like all I do is moan, I don’t like this person I have become, I think that people get fed up of me, that’s why I have not been posting much and yes not mixing with people. I haven’t left the house once in 3 days, my 2 boys that live here with me are away on holiday, they will be back Sunday. I truly can’t stand all the negative thoughts I have, I talk to myself tell myself to stop it, focus on positive stuff, I’m struggling with that, I need to see a light, some sort of ending, I dunno I’m talking rubbish again


Blonde, you need TIME to get through this. It is a big loss in your life. You NEED the time to grieve over this -- there is nothing wrong about it, and in fact it's quite necessary that you do this. You WILL get past this, you will get better, you will get to that light -- but right now, you have to make it through the dark, ok?

As QR said, post here -- as often as you want, repeat your feelings 100 times if that's what you need. There are people who have gone through this and can help guide you, can just hear you vent, and will listen.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Blonde, you need TIME to get through this. It is a big loss in your life. You NEED the time to grieve over this -- there is nothing wrong about it, and in fact it's quite necessary that you do this. You WILL get past this, you will get better, you will get to that light -- but right now, you have to make it through the dark, ok?
> 
> As QR said, post here -- as often as you want, repeat your feelings 100 times if that's what you need. There are people who have gone through this and can help guide you, can just hear you vent, and will listen.


I have 2 voices in my head, one that admits defeat and doesn’t give me any confidence in trying to do anything, just thinking the worst all the time and the other is me trying to say to myself, come on girl you can get through this, you have to think positive. Unfortunately the first one keeps drowning out the second one. I’m struggling to get up washed and dressed and I hate it but can’t seem to do anything about it, please I do try to push past it, I hate being this weak


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> I have 2 voices in my head, one that admits defeat and doesn’t give me any confidence in trying to do anything, just thinking the worst all the time and the other is me trying to say to myself, come on girl you can get through this, you have to think positive. Unfortunately the first one keeps drowning out the second one. I’m struggling to get up washed and dressed and I hate it but can’t seem to do anything about it, please I do try to push past it, I hate being this weak


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde1971 said:


> I have 2 voices in my head, one that admits defeat and doesn’t give me any confidence in trying to do anything, just thinking the worst all the time and the other is me trying to say to myself, come on girl you can get through this, you have to think positive. Unfortunately the first one keeps drowning out the second one. I’m struggling to get up washed and dressed and I hate it but can’t seem to do anything about it, please I do try to push past it, I hate being this weak


You see it as weakness -- I see it as a normal process for you. Of course you feel like this -- but you have to realize that YOU didn't do this. You just have to survive this part of it -- understand that you are supposed to feel bad like this, but please don't let it overwhelm you. You will get through this.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> You see it as weakness -- I see it as a normal process for you. Of course you feel like this -- but you have to realize that YOU didn't do this. You just have to survive this part of it -- understand that you are supposed to feel bad like this, but please don't let it overwhelm you. You will get through this.


Yes it does feel overwhelming. I does feel like I’m just surviving everyday, is that a way to live?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Yes it does feel overwhelming. I does feel like I’m just surviving everyday, is that a way to live?


That’s just the way it is during these times. You ARE just surviving. I swear I felt that way for about 6 months, and you started the process over again, as did I, so the feelings are then repeated… worse the second time if you ask me.

Listen, infidelity is one of the hardest things to overcome. Give yourself a break. It’s difficult enough dealing with all the emotions let alone being so hard on yourself about it. Take it day by day, take care of yourself. Do something for you even if it’s small. You will get through it, you are stronger than you think.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Yes it does feel overwhelming. I does feel like I’m just surviving everyday, is that a way to live?


It is part of the process of dealing with the crap your husband put on you.

You will find that soon things will start to get better.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> It is part of the process of dealing with the crap your husband put on you.
> 
> You will find that soon things will start to get better.


I hope you are right. Feeling ok today, going out with my dog who is sticking to me like glue for a walk. My boys are back today from their camping trip, looking forward to seeing them, been a really tough week.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> I hope you are right. Feeling ok today, going out with my dog who is sticking to me like glue for a walk. My boys are back today from their camping trip, looking forward to seeing them, been a really tough week.


I have been there and it does take time to get over the betrayal, but it happens eventually.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Talk all that you want on here. That is what this place is for. 

I am in Bristol myself. It’s just located in the states.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

ABHale said:


> Talk all that you want on here. That is what this place is for.
> 
> I am in Bristol myself. It’s just located in the states.


So my husband found a room to rent, but didn’t have to pay deposit? He’s only been there for 4 nights and they kicked him out! I asked why and he said the boyfriend was the jealous type! He said he didn’t know them before he rented a room. Think that’s all very strange, so he had to go back to his daughters and someone drove straight into the side of his car, righting it off.
Again being here on my own is awful and makes me start thinking of the happy times and then I text him…. Can’t not wait for these feelings to pass.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> So my husband found a room to rent, but didn’t have to pay deposit? He’s only been there for 4 nights and they kicked him out! I asked why and he said the boyfriend was the jealous type! He said he didn’t know them before he rented a room. Think that’s all very strange, so he had to go back to his daughters and someone drove straight into the side of his car, righting it off.
> Again being here on my own is awful and makes me start thinking of the happy times and then I text him…. Can’t not wait for these feelings to pass.


Oh, no! I wonder if he tried it on with the woman? Yikes! What an idiot!


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Oh, no! I wonder if he tried it on with the woman? Yikes! What an idiot!


I thought the same, makes me sick. One of the biggest things that I seem to really understand is, what the hell happened to him for him now to be the way he is,


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How old is he?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> How old is he?


53. Handsome and is lovely to speak to.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> 53. Handsome and is lovely to speak to.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Could he have some form of early onset dementia? I have heard of this type of behaviour before.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Could he have some form of early onset dementia? I have heard of this type of behaviour before.


Really? You being serious? I’m not sure.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It happened to someone i knew. In his 40s.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> It happened to someone i knew. In his 40s.


Bloody hell. Well my day has been terrible today even though I got up in a positive mood, the kettle completely broke then some handles feel of draws and the big one was my boiler has broken, landlord is not returning my calls so cold showers from now on!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Bloody hell. Well my day has been terrible today even though I got up in a positive mood, the kettle completely broke then some handles feel of draws and the big one was my boiler has broken, landlord is not returning my calls so cold showers from now on!


Bloody hell, indeed! Tesco or Asda for a new kettle, or maybe Morrisons. 

I hope tomorrow is better for you.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Bloody hell, indeed! Tesco or Asda for a new kettle, or maybe Morrisons.
> 
> I hope tomorrow is better for you.


Thanks ordered one from Amazon


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

When it rains it pours. Your day gives new meaning to those words.

Try getting up on the other side of the bed in the morning.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

ABHale said:


> When it rains it pours. Your day gives new meaning to those words.
> 
> Try getting up on the other side of the bed in the morning.


I woke up feeling good.
I’m building bridges with my sons though, that’s why I feel very happy at the moment, may not last but enjoying this moment. Boiler and everything else is sortable


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> I woke up feeling good.
> I’m building bridges with my sons though, that’s why I feel very happy at the moment, may not last but enjoying this moment. Boiler and everything else is sortable


I know I’m going to wake up positive! Cos I feel it now I’m going to bed


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Bloody hell, indeed! Tesco or Asda for a new kettle, or maybe Morrisons.
> 
> I hope tomorrow is better for you.


So today I opened my own bank account, trying to get my pension all up together (all be it not a lot of money) I have gone through all our paperwork and taken down all info on his pension. I got the marriage certificate, and been working! All in all a productive day.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Blonde 1971, stopped coming on here for a while because I got sick and tired of all the macho cr*p that sometimes appears on here.

Just wanted to say I have followed your story from day 1 and have the utmost admiration for the way in which you have dealt with all this trouble. You knew what you wanted, you tried it and it didn’t work out. YOU didn’t fail, you had the strength of your convictions and that takes courage.

Keep having faith in yourself and stay strong, even in the bad days.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Blonde 1971, stopped coming on here for a while because I got sick and tired of all the macho cr*p that sometimes appears on here.
> 
> Just wanted to say I have followed your story from day 1 and have the utmost admiration for the way in which you have dealt with all this trouble. You knew what you wanted, you tried it and it didn’t work out. YOU didn’t fail, you had the strength of your convictions and that takes courage.
> 
> Keep having faith in yourself and stay strong, even in the bad days.


O thank you Harold, I’m grateful for your message. Building the faith in myself, just taking along time but I’m learning to be patient, learning to love myself again and not feel bad about myself. This year has to be the most awful year I have had apart from 2017 when my mum past, I got through that and I can get through this eventually, I hope. Thank you so much. X


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

No hope about it Blonde, you will make it.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> O thank you Harold, I’m grateful for your message. Building the faith in myself, just taking along time but I’m learning to be patient, learning to love myself again and not feel bad about myself. This year has to be the most awful year I have had apart from 2017 when my mum past, I got through that and I can get through this eventually, I hope. Thank you so much. X


You will not believe what I am about to write, he rang me this morning early and asked if we could try again, shocked, very. He told me to think about it.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

You are working towards independance. I think you should take the reins of your life even if you give him another chance. Plan for a life without him, even if you take him back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> You will not believe what I am about to write, he rang me this morning early and asked if we could try again, shocked, very. He told me to think about it.


This is what you need to do, @Blonde1971


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> This is what you need to do, @Blonde1971


Run? Not give him a chance?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yep. Run. Don’t do it. Nothing about him has or will change and you deserve so much better. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

How many chances have you given him? How’s that worked for you?

You're finally on the right path. Stay there.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well at this point you know what he is so you're now a willing participant.

If what you're going to get is worth having him around then go for it. If not the keep walking.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Hi Blonde 1971. Not going to tell you what to do, just going to ask some questions:

1) You tried reconciliation once and it didn’t work so what is going to be different this time if you take him back?
2) Why does he want to come back now, what is the REAL reason?
3) Your relationship with your sons suffered terribly with your first reconciliation. How do you think they will react this time?
4) How will you cope with their reaction because this time it could be for ever?
5) I know you are hurting right now but have you already done the hard bit in this separation and it will be upwards and onwards from here?
6) What is in it for you, happy ending or more heartbreak and back to square one (or worse)?

Whatever you choose, we will be here for you.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

3Xnocharm said:


> Yep. Run. Don’t do it. Nothing about him has or will change and you deserve so much better.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk





3Xnocharm said:


> Yep. Run. Don’t do it. Nothing about him has or will change and you deserve so much better.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk





Harold Demure said:


> Hi Blonde 1971. Not going to tell you what to do, just going to ask some questions:
> 
> 1) You tried reconciliation once and it didn’t work so what is going to be different this time if you take him back?
> 2) Why does he want to come back now, what is the REAL reason?
> ...


when I read those questions and answered them in my head I know that I shouldn’t give him another chance, the part where you say, I have done the hard part? I see things getting harder for me not easier, but this will not make me try again with him. He asked last night to sleep on the sofa, so he is downstairs at the moment and has tried to come up and kiss and cuddle me, I said no, what are you doing, he said come to give you a kiss and cuddle! It’s strange.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yes. Run from him.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, it’s not really strange — more that it’s predictable. He likely has no place else to go so it’s home at the moment. He’s trying to get back on your good side so he can stay.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Sorry Blonde 1971, tend to agree with Openminded that he is looking for a stop gap until his next “adventure” comes along.

Sorry again but I would not let him stay the night again. You are just enabling him. 

Don’t want to see you get hurt even more.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Y


Openminded said:


> No, it’s not really strange — more that it’s predictable. He likely has no place else to go so it’s home at the moment. He’s trying to get back on your good side so he can stay.


es starting to understand that now


Harold Demure said:


> Sorry Blonde 1971, tend to agree with Openminded that he is looking for a stop gap until his next “adventure” comes along.
> 
> Sorry again but I would not let him stay the night again. You are just enabling him.
> 
> Don’t want to see you get hurt even more.


hes saying he got no where to sleep. I’m not a horrible person


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Sorry Blonde 1971, tend to agree with Openminded that he is looking for a stop gap until his next “adventure” comes along.
> 
> Sorry again but I would not let him stay the night again. You are just enabling him.
> 
> Don’t want to see you get hurt even more.


Enabling him? What do you mean?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> hes saying he got no where to sleep. I’m not a horrible person


Too bad so sad. No longer your problem. He fired you as his spouse. Would you keep doing work for an employer who fired you if they came to you crying how short handed they are since they let you go?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Hi Blonde1971. What I mean by your empowering him is that you are giving him the confidence to treat you as he wishes

I would say you are empowering him by offering him, or at least making him feel you are offering him, the opportunity to use you as a Plan B. By doing things like offering him a place to sleep, he feels he can use you when things are not going as well as he wants and that he may think you are a soft touch. What will it be next - financial assistance, keeping house for him?

I worry that you are sending out totally the wrong messages here. Your kindness, because you are a nice, decent person, is more than likely seen by him as a weakness and he will continue to exploit it.

In my view, IF you do not want him back, you have to toughen up and start saying NO. Sleeping over is case in point, has he never heard of hotels? What is the betting you make him breakfast tomorrow after all the pain he is putting you through.

I really am not being critical here, just worried that you are going to get hurt again, even worse this time. I just wish you would get angry, mad as hell with him.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

3Xnocharm said:


> Too bad so sad. No longer your problem. He fired you as his spouse. Would you keep doing work for an employer who fired you if they came to you crying how short handed they are since they let you go?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Terrible night hes threatened me tonight I feel angry. Horrible person he is


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Terrible night hes threatened me tonight I feel angry. Horrible person he is


You’re within rights to call police if you feel unsafe. Hugs to you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Hi Blonde1971. What I mean by your empowering him is that you are giving him the confidence to treat you as he wishes
> 
> I would say you are empowering him by offering him, or at least making him feel you are offering him, the opportunity to use you as a Plan B. By doing things like offering him a place to sleep, he feels he can use you when things are not going as well as he wants and that he may think you are a soft touch. What will it be next - financial assistance, keeping house for him?
> 
> ...


I feel angry now with myself, what a terrible evening I have had. I’m stupid I don’t deserve any friends


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

3Xnocharm said:


> You’re within rights to call police if you feel unsafe. Hugs to you.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


He’s gone thank god, no more now, just want piece and never wake up


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Do NOT let him back in. You really are the only one who can help you. Love yourself just enough to NOT let him back in. One hour at a time, one day at a time.

He can sleep in his company car.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Do NOT let him back in. You really are the only one who can help you. Love yourself just enough to NOT let him back in. One hour at a time, one day at a time.
> 
> He can sleep in his company car.


He’s using the boys, turning them against me. Can’t continue this anymore


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Then your adult boys can get the hell out, too. Seriously. One jerk to contend with is one jerk too many.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Hi Blonde1971. What I mean by your empowering him is that you are giving him the confidence to treat you as he wishes
> 
> I would say you are empowering him by offering him, or at least making him feel you are offering him, the opportunity to use you as a Plan B. By doing things like offering him a place to sleep, he feels he can use you when things are not going as well as he wants and that he may think you are a soft touch. What will it be next - financial assistance, keeping house for him?
> 
> ...





Blondilocks said:


> Then your adult boys can get the hell out, too. Seriously. One jerk to contend with is one jerk too many.


im done.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> im done.


I’m angry,but exhausted. No more now. He’s won, turned my boys against me, good on him, I feel totally let down by the children I gave birth to. I don’t need to explain my self. Just going to go quiet now. Nothing more for me to talk about thank you so much xx


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> im done.


You are right, I’m fed up with doing right by every one. I should just look after me. So you got any pointers in that direction?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You raised your 4 boys to adulthood, which is a pretty big feat, if you think about it. Those little beggars seem determined to do themselves in half of the time. So pat yourself on the back for a job well done and tell them to get a place of their own. This will allow you to downsize in renting and save a bunch of money.

Immediately start looking for a place that accommodates *one *person and hold fast.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

What an awful night. Still, he has shown his true colours now.

You are a very brave woman for doing this. Don’t be angry with yourself because you have done nothing wrong. Direct your anger at him, he is the one who deserves it.

I don’t really know what is going on with your children but it may just be that they are stuck in the middle and trying to stay friends with both parents (I obviously stand to be corrected on this). However, I do remember you saying they were mad when you tried reconciliation so they may be more supportive of a split.

Yes, children do disappoint when they grow up because we, as parents, think it is reasonable to expect some sort of recognition for the work we put in raising them. The trouble is grown up kids don’t really understand or appreciate this until they become parents themselves.

Personally, I would be there for them, let them know I will always be there for them but stop doing things for them. Not suggesting a full 180, more of a 90 if such a thing exists. I would maybe lower my expectations of them as well.

Please, please, please stop being so hard on yourself. Recognise the qualities you do have and the giant steps you have taken. Him getting angry last night shows you are starting to turn the corner and stand up for yourself.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Do NOT let him back in. You really are the only one who can help you. Love yourself just enough to NOT let him back in. One hour at a time, one day at a time.
> 
> He can sleep in his company car.


He did sleep in his car last night then text me this morning saying, you sick woman, I had to sleep in my car last night, I said to him, you brought all this on yourself.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> What an awful night. Still, he has shown his true colours now.
> 
> You are a very brave woman for doing this. Don’t be angry with yourself because you have done nothing wrong. Direct your anger at him, he is the one who deserves it.
> 
> ...


God I feel lonely, the weekend is upon us and I hate it. Feel really awful inside.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blonde, that's a nasty manipulation tactic by him to force himself back into your life. Poor me....I have to sleep in my car and you won't let me move back in...you're a horrible person....boo hoo.

Ignore him.

As for your boys, I get it...I have 2 grown sons who I'd die for. But you shouldn't be doing anything for them if they're going to be rude.

Let their scumbag father do for them if they want to kiss his ass. I suspect they take you for granted.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> Blonde, that's a nasty manipulation tactic by him to force himself back into your life. Poor me....I have to sleep in my car and you won't let me move back in...you're a horrible person....boo hoo.
> 
> Ignore him.
> 
> ...


That’s bloody awful to manipulate me like that, what kind of person has he turned into. I dunno, so sad how nasty he has become towards me after 23 years. I just took the last £200 from our bank that has to last me a long while, I told him I was doing that and now he’s just being vile, yet he got £300 given to him by his daughter all for himself and he has no one to look after.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blonde1971 said:


> That’s bloody awful to manipulate me like that, what kind of person has he turned into. I dunno, so sad how nasty he has become towards me after 23 years. I just took the last £200 from our bank that has to last me a long while, I told him I was doing that and now he’s just being vile, yet he got £300 given to him by his daughter all for himself and he has no one to look after.


That's probably who he's always been, it's just coming out now that he has consequences.

Leopards seldom change their spots.

Thus isn't the behavior of one who gives a **** about you. It's the behavior of someone who has use for you. You are simply an appliance for him.

I know it hurts...my ex hb told me he married me because he thought I was the best he was ever going to do...no mention of love at all 

There are lots of nice men who will treat you well out there. I have a lovely 56 year old bf who really values my company. You can have that too.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> That's probably who he's always been, it's just coming out now that he has consequences.
> 
> Leopards seldom change their spots.
> 
> ...


I hope so in time, just can’t visualize that, me being with another man.
It really does hurt like hell. I was the best thing that happened to him, loved him unconditionally would have died for him, treated him with respect always made an effort. Bloody good wife and mother and he knows it.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde1971 said:


> That’s bloody awful to manipulate me like that, what kind of person has he turned into. I dunno, so sad how nasty he has become towards me after 23 years. I just took the last £200 from our bank that has to last me a long while, I told him I was doing that and now he’s just being vile, yet he got £300 given to him by his daughter all for himself and he has no one to look after.


Well tell your sons that THEY have to pitch in $$ as you only have a very limited amount. If THEY want to eat, they need to buy the groceries, etc...


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Well tell your sons that THEY have to pitch in $$ as you only have a very limited amount. If THEY want to eat, they need to buy the groceries, etc...


Yea I have told them that.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Blonde1971 said:


> I hope so in time, *just can’t visualize that, me being with another man.*
> It really does hurt like hell. I was the best thing that happened to him, loved him unconditionally would have died for him, treated him with respect always made an effort. Bloody good wife and mother and he knows it.


Don't try to visualize being with another man for now, that will come later. Visualize yourself being good with it just being you. 20+ years of an abusive relationship erodes your sense of self. You need to take that back and it should be your largest priority here. You are better than him, you can do it without him and all the ******** that comes with him.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> Don't try to visualize being with another man for now, that will come later. Visualize yourself being good with it just being you. 20+ years of an abusive relationship erodes your sense of self. You need to take that back and it should be your largest priority here. You are better than him, you can do it without him and all the ****** that comes with him.


O god yes, not interested in meeting anyone. I am trying to love myself, I’m reading, The power within you at the moment and I am understanding everything that I’m reading.
The loneliness is horrible and now it’s the weekend which I’m not looking forward to, used to love it when it got Friday. Not used to saying I’m the priority feels strange. I’m trying that’s all I can say really.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> O god yes, not interested in meeting anyone. I am trying to love myself, I’m reading, The power within you at the moment and I am understanding everything that I’m reading.
> The loneliness is horrible and now it’s the weekend which I’m not looking forward to, used to love it when it got Friday. Not used to saying I’m the priority feels strange. I’m trying that’s all I can say really.


Someone talk to me please


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Blonde1971 said:


> Someone talk to me please


And what would you like to talk about?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> And what would you like to talk about?


The future, never been on my own, what to expect?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Blonde1971 said:


> The future, never been on my own, what to expect?


At first it will be lonely and hollow. As you get further and further away from the abuse it can feel liberating. No compromise, no having to feel like you need to keep a petulant child happy.
In the end change is scary for most, fear of the unknown. Just know that when you come through the other side you will be who you want to be.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blonde1971 said:


> The future, never been on my own, what to expect?


My situation is a bit different then yours, but after I divorced my ex (2nd hb) I bought the first house I've ever owned by myself.

It's fantastic. I do what I want when I want, and I've had to learn how to take care of a house. I cook what I want, I have my 2 grown boys here and we get along great.

I'm a runner and cyclist and I met my bf cycling so we do that together. There are loads of men who cycle and the single ones are all looking...and the crowd is older. I know a number of couples who met this way and they're all comparably aged.

I meet friends to run once a week and otherwise go by myself, then I come home, shower, and log on to work while I watch deer in the preserve behind my house.

Get out and join groups.....make new women friends. Do you exercise at all?

There's a whole world out there waiting for you.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> At first it will be lonely and hollow. As you get further and further away from the abuse it can feel liberating. No compromise, no having to feel like you need to keep a petulant child happy.
> In the end change is scary for most, fear of the unknown. Just know that when you come through the other side you will be who you want to be.


If I get through the other side! Feel terribly lonely and afraid. My mums headstone went up today, I have been paying for it over 6 months or more, looks amazing. Yes makes me feel happy, I can’t wait to see her again and being honest, feels like I can release some tension, my 2 brother and sister didn’t help, I’m ready to let go and be with mum.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> If I get through the other side! Feel terribly lonely and afraid. My mums headstone went up today, I have been paying for it over 6 months or more, looks amazing. Yes makes me feel happy, I can’t wait to see her again and being honest, feels like I can release some tension, my 2 brother and sister didn’t help, I’m ready to let go and be with mum.


Life is precious I know, but if I could give my life to someone more deserving I would do it in a heartbeat


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Blonde1971 said:


> If I get through the other side! Feel terribly lonely and afraid. My mums headstone went up today, I have been paying for it over 6 months or more, looks amazing. Yes makes me feel happy, I can’t wait to see her again and being honest, feels like I can release some tension, my 2 brother and sister didn’t help, I’m ready to let go and be with mum.


I realize you are in a bad place right now. But give yourself time and the chance to be yourself for a little while.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blonde1971 said:


> If I get through the other side! Feel terribly lonely and afraid. My mums headstone went up today, I have been paying for it over 6 months or more, looks amazing. Yes makes me feel happy, I can’t wait to see her again and being honest, feels like I can release some tension, my 2 brother and sister didn’t help, I’m ready to let go and be with mum.


Your time will come as it will for all of us.

The challenge is to live a full life. Your mom will still be there when your natural time comes. All parents want full lives for their kids.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> I realize you are in a bad place right now. But give yourself time and the chance to be yourself for a little while.


Fast forward the weekend for me please? I hate it,


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Blonde1971 said:


> Life is precious I know, but if I could give my life to someone more deserving I would do it in a heartbeat


But you can't. If I could give my life to a child dying of cancer I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can't. So I need to the best I can with what remains of the gift granted to me.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> Your time will come as it will for all of us.
> 
> The challenge is to live a full life. Your mom will still be there when your natural time comes. All parents want full lives for their kids.


I have no one, cannot wait to leave this horrible world, feel unwell with my ****y heart, so if there is someone up there, they need to help me, sleep and never wake again, that’s all I want


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> But you can't. If I could give my life to a child dying of cancer I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can't. So I need to the best I can with what remains of the gift granted to me.


We should be able to do that, give life to a child that is suffering. This world we live in is horrible


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> My situation is a bit different then yours, but after I divorced my ex (2nd hb) I bought the first house I've ever owned by myself.
> 
> It's fantastic. I do what I want when I want, and I've had to learn how to take care of a house. I cook what I want, I have my 2 grown boys here and we get along great.
> 
> ...


Yes I do go to the gym but not for a few weeks


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blonde1971 said:


> Yes I do go to the gym but not for a few weeks


Find yourself a nice running club with mostly women. There's a ton out there and all paces are welcome.

In fact, most people in these clubs are either slow or run/walkers and newbies are always welcome.

Put yourself out there and you'll make a new life. In fact, if I knew your city I bet I could find one for you. I've been running for 32 years so I know how to find clubs

If that's not for you then join a meet up group. You have to take responsibility for your own life.....you're missing out on great times!


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Please speak to someone like your doctors, Samaritans, anyone.

I know it is hard but if you do go down that very dark road then that total sh*t of a husband wins. Don’t let him do that!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Harold Demure said:


> Please speak to someone like your doctors, Samaritans, anyone.
> 
> I know it is hard but if you do go down that very dark road then that total sh*t of a husband wins. Don’t let him do that!


Agreed.

He isn't worth it.

Others will appreciate the treasure that is you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Blonde1971 said:


> Fast forward the weekend for me please? I hate it,


Blonde, do you like dogs or cats? Can you go volunteer at a shelter on the weekends? That will help you pass the time and make you feel good about the time spent.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Blonde, do you like dogs or cats? Can you go volunteer at a shelter on the weekends? That will help you pass the time and make you feel good about the time spent.


I have a dog, I love him dearly. I have listened to what you said and have been doing some research today on volunteering, I put my name dow to cook Christmas lunch for the homeless today.
Another afternoon and night sat on my own again, not looking forward to it


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Please speak to someone like your doctors, Samaritans, anyone.
> 
> I know it is hard but if you do go down that very dark road then that total sh*t of a husband wins. Don’t let him do that!


Samaritans, yes I spoke with them, will go see my doctor on Monday. However I don’t think they can do much, I have to do it, just need to gather my strength


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It sounds like you relied on your husband to keep you entertained. It's more than past time for you to learn how to keep yourself entertained. Buy some puzzle books and look into hobbies that will fill your time.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> It sounds like you relied on your husband to keep you entertained. It's more than past time for you to learn how to keep yourself entertained. Buy some puzzle books and look into hobbies that will fill your time.


No didn’t rely on him for entertainment but we used to do everything together. I will thank you x


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I have 2 voices in my head, one that admits defeat and doesn’t give me any confidence in trying to do anything, just thinking the worst all the time and the other is me trying to say to myself, come on girl you can get through this, you have to think positive. Unfortunately the first one keeps drowning out the second one. I’m struggling to get up washed and dressed and I hate it but can’t seem to do anything about it, please I do try to push past it, I hate being this weak


Depression does that to you. But this is temporary. You need some time. But just be sure that once in awhile you make up your mind to do something nice for yourself even if you don't feel like it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Blonde1971 said:


> No didn’t rely on him for entertainment but we used to do everything together. I will thank you x


If your husband were around, what would you be doing this weekend? Can you do the same without him?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> when I read those questions and answered them in my head I know that I shouldn’t give him another chance, the part where you say, I have done the hard part? I see things getting harder for me not easier, but this will not make me try again with him. He asked last night to sleep on the sofa, so he is downstairs at the moment and has tried to come up and kiss and cuddle me, I said no, what are you doing, he said come to give you a kiss and cuddle! It’s strange.


Exes nearly always come back around to see if they can perhaps still sleep with you while having no obligation toward you whatsoever.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Terrible night hes threatened me tonight I feel angry. Horrible person he is


And there you have it. He was just seeing what he could do.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> He did sleep in his car last night then text me this morning saying, you sick woman, I had to sleep in my car last night, I said to him, you brought all this on yourself.


And indeed he did. He really likes to belittle you and he doesn't like to take any responsibility for his own actions so I know it's going to be an adjustment but you are well rid of him. I think all of these things you said on here about not deserving friends and all that is because he has torn you down which is what abusers do and tried to make you feel worthless and stupid which you are not. You are brave and you are going to survive this just fine and probably once you're adjusted, you will be better than ever.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> O god yes, not interested in meeting anyone. I am trying to love myself, I’m reading, The power within you at the moment and I am understanding everything that I’m reading.
> The loneliness is horrible and now it’s the weekend which I’m not looking forward to, used to love it when it got Friday. Not used to saying I’m the priority feels strange. I’m trying that’s all I can say really.


Dog?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> Your time will come as it will for all of us.
> 
> The challenge is to live a full life. Your mom will still be there when your natural time comes. All parents want full lives for their kids.


 Your mum wouldn't want you to waste your life.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Yes I do go to the gym but not for a few weeks


It would help with stress to work out.

Sorry for the multiple posts but I just got caught up on the thread after too long away.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> And indeed he did. He really likes to belittle you and he doesn't like to take any responsibility for his own actions so I know it's going to be an adjustment but you are well rid of him. I think all of these things you said on here about not deserving friends and all that is because he has torn you down which is what abusers do and tried to make you feel worthless and stupid which you are not. You are brave and you are going to survive this just fine and probably once you're adjusted, you will be better than ever.


Bloody hope so if I get through it!


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Exes nearly always come back around to see if they can perhaps still sleep with you while having no obligation toward you whatsoever.


I will not sleep with him, not had sex since January 


Blondilocks said:


> If your husband were around, what would you be doing this weekend? Can you do the same without him?


we would go shopping for cloths and find a nice little restaurant


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> I will not sleep with him, not had sex since January
> 
> we would go shopping for cloths and find a nice little restaurant


Not the same on your own


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Your mum wouldn't want you to waste your life.


Maybe but she would have been the reason I would want to stay around


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Blonde1971 said:


> Bloody hope so *if* I get through it!


No, WHEN you get through it. Do you wish to let a fraction of a human being to get the better of you in the end. Stick it to him, build a life you can be proud of WITHOUT him.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> No, WHEN you get through it. Do you wish to let a fraction of a human being to get the better of you in the end. Stick it to him, build a life you can be proud of WITHOUT him.


I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Especially him.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> I will not sleep with him, not had sex since January
> 
> we would go shopping for cloths and find a nice little restaurant


You should just go do that by yourself. You get to go where you want to go and take as long as you want.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blonde1971 said:


> I will not sleep with him, not had sex since January
> 
> we would go shopping for cloths and find a nice little restaurant



It was like that with my ex too....we went shopping and ate together all the time.

But after finding out about his ex gf on the side I didn't see him the same anymore and didn't enjoy going out with him as I knew who and what he was.

You need time but you will be happier with him.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> It was like that with my ex too....we went shopping and ate together all the time.
> 
> But after finding out about his ex gf on the side I didn't see him the same anymore and didn't enjoy going out with him as I knew who and what he was.
> 
> You need time but you will be happier with*out* him.


Fixed that for ya.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Fixed that for ya.


Yes you did!

That was a heck of a typo 😳


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Far worse than being alone is being in a dysfunctional marriage. I know since I was in one for decades. I married very young and divorced very late in life. I had never been on my own but I soon adjusted and now enjoy doing many things alone that I used to do with my ex-husband. It’s definitely a process — and takes some time — but, with a little work, you’ll get there.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Blonde1971 Have you thought about some new hobbies? If you have a branch of The Works nearby they not only sell cheap new books they also sell a range of cheap but reasonable quality craft items, so you can paint your own mugs, get canvases and paints, modelling clay, etc.





Books | Buy Cheap Books Online From The Works


Get cheap Books from The Works. With a wide range of your favourite authors at unbeatable prices, you won't be disappointed.




www.theworks.co.uk





Or cooking? I cooked a bread and butter pudding this evening.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> @Blonde1971 Have you thought about some new hobbies? If you have a branch of The Works nearby they not only sell cheap new books they also sell a range of cheap but reasonable quality craft items, so you can paint your own mugs, get canvases and paints, modelling clay, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Having cocain now feels nice 😊 never done it before but I like ir


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> @Blonde1971 Have you thought about some new hobbies? If you have a branch of The Works nearby they not only sell cheap new books they also sell a range of cheap but reasonable quality craft items, so you can paint your own mugs, get canvases and paints, modelling clay, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nice


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blonde1971 said:


> Having cocain now feels nice 😊 never done it before but I like ir


What?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blonde1971 said:


> Having cocain now feels nice 😊 never done it before but I like ir


I hope you are not really taking illegal drugs, @Blonde1971? 

That's not a good idea. Really, it's not.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> What?


Yep cocaine feels nice, first time I have had it. I like it to


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> I hope you are not really taking illegal drugs, @Blonde1971?
> 
> That's not a good idea. Really, it's not.


It’s fine all ok here now, might be sick in a minute but all ok


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

As Harry Hill said "the problem with heroin is that it's very moreish."

Seriously. Please don't do drugs. They are not good for you.

Please make this the first and last time, OK?

Getting hooked on drugs is easy. But getting off them is hard. Even prescription medications can be a problem. I was hooked on coedine and it took me several attempts to get clean. And it feels horrible. Hallucinations, phantom pains, etc.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> As Harry Hill said "the problem with heroin is that it's very moreish."
> 
> Seriously. Please don't do drugs. They are not good for you.
> 
> ...


I liked it, cocain I mean, just chilled me right out, won’t make a habit of it, had an old friend knock on my door and she had a bag of it, so I took the lot!


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Blonde1971 said:


> I liked it, cocain I mean, just chilled me right out, won’t make a habit of it, had an old friend knock on my door and she had a bag of it, so I took the lot!


Had a bad nose bleed and feel a bit sick but I’m good


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> As Harry Hill said "the problem with heroin is that it's very moreish."
> 
> Seriously. Please don't do drugs. They are not good for you.
> 
> ...


My mum was addicted to codine


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> I hope you are not really taking illegal drugs, @Blonde1971?
> 
> That's not a good idea. Really, it's not.


Matt, yes I have but I’m still ok


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Have you watched White Lotus yet? Great series, may help you bring you out of yourself.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Hi Blonde 1971. How are you? Hope everything is okay. Get a bit worried when you go silent for any length of time.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> Had a bad nose bleed and feel a bit sick but I’m good


Lady, lay off the nose candy and get some counseling instead. The last thing you need to be doing is getting high. Good God.

Please return soon and let us know you are alive and well, so I can properly berate your poor decision making.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Blonde1971 said:


> You will not believe what I am about to write, he rang me this morning early and asked if we could try again, shocked, very. He told me to think about it.


When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

He has treated you terribly, why would you think that he has changed, he hasn't done any work on him self.

Think about yourself. What do you want out of life?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Blonde1971 said:


> You are right, I’m fed up with doing right by every one. I should just look after me. So you got any pointers in that direction?


Blonde, you have spent your life on both your WH and boys who are grown up and should be able to take care of themselves. Time to focus on yourself.
Get yourself a one bedroomed flat. Move your stuff out. Do you have a job?
Let your sons take care of him and vice versa. If they care for him so much, leave them all to it.
Walk away.

If you an so easily succumb to simply taking cocaine like that, I suspect this is not your first rodeo with drugs, alcohol, etc. I am wondering whether we have all been on a merry goose chase with you and in actual fact your are the issue in the equation, that is why your kids are not supporting you. Sons normally support their mum in cases as you described. Something is off. I sense you have not been fully honest or truthful with us here. I do not care what kind of break-up one is going through, the first go to is not to take cocaine. You are painting a picture of a woman in distress but perhaps there is alot more to this, we don't know about.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Hi Blonde 1971. How are you? Hope everything is okay. Get a bit worried when you go silent for any length of time.


I’m ok thank you, just trying to sort my head out and steady my mind. Thank you for thinking about me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Blonde1971 How did your mother's cocaine addiction work out?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> @Blonde1971 How did your mother's cocaine addiction work out?


Codine you mean? My mum died of heart failure after being given a good bill of health 3 days before. She had been off it for 4 months. I’m not going to do cocaine again and drink. Numbs the pain at the time. Have to face it now


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Divorce isn’t easy obviously but drugs and alcohol don’t make it any easier in the long run.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

aine said:


> Blonde, you have spent your life on both your WH and boys who are grown up and should be able to take care of themselves. Time to focus on yourself.
> Get yourself a one bedroomed flat. Move your stuff out. Do you have a job?
> Let your sons take care of him and vice versa. If they care for him so much, leave them all to it.
> Walk away.
> ...


This is the one place I can tell all, first time with drugs, alcohol no, I do drink 3/4 times a week. I have alway be truthful and honest, which to be honest I’m now learning is not always the best. I don’t find your comments helpful at all. Best wishes x


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Blonde1971 said:


> I don’t find your comments helpful at all. Best wishes x


We all are internet strangers trying to make sense of some of your monologs and undescriptive statements. Then you went off with your non descriptive cocaine usage, and us analyzing what has you struggling with, in terms of what basically is an individual with low self esteem, whom is having trouble trying to find happiness within yourself and can't get to the point of being able to shake off an external source for happiness. What do you think, people here are going to deduct about you, and your behavior? The things you've been saying leads to people making other assumptions about what really is going on with you.

So, if you want to avoid that and get better feedback to your problems, I advice you to be more upfront with your posts. Think what is it that you want feedback on, then post. Good luck with you finding strength to do what you actually need to do for yourself.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Blonde1971 said:


> This is the one place I can tell all, first time with drugs, alcohol no, I do drink 3/4 times a week. I have alway be truthful and honest, which to be honest I’m now learning is not always the best. I don’t find your comments helpful at all. Best wishes x


You’ve mentioned in the past you have had issues with alcohol. You’ve said it drove a wedge between you and your kids. You’ve stated several times suicidal tendencies. You’ve expressed codependent thoughts and behaviors. Now you’ve bought a bunch of coke…

Real friends, people who actually care about you are never going to support the behaviors. I’m glad you speak about them, but nobody who cares is going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you that it’s ok.

We want you to get help, and thrive in this life. Sometimes hearing hard truths is how you get there. I implore you to consider what kind of comments are actually helpful. Those that challenge your destructive behaviors, or those that give no challenge at all. Think about it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Blonde1971 said:


> This is the one place I can tell all, first time with drugs, alcohol no, I do drink 3/4 times a week. I have alway be truthful and honest, which to be honest I’m now learning is not always the best. I don’t find your comments helpful at all. Best wishes x


Point taken. I wish you no harm, it's just some of what you are writing doesn't make sense to me. It is like a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing or not fitting. On TAM we tend to really try and support the person who is writing here (unless they are a cheater looking to justify their actions).
However you paint a picture of a woman in deep distress with a horrid husband and terrible unsupportive grown sons.
The cocaine raised a red flag for me. Then someone wrote about your previous issues with alcohol and the impact on your relationship with your kids (I am a married to an functioning alcoholic and I can tell you now that it is one of the most difficult positions to be in, from the other side). Alcohol destroys marriages and relationships, it takes years to repair, if ever at all. So I am wondering if what is happening to you is also your own doing, since Day 1 you have sold a tale of woe and of how badly you are being treated. I believed you, now I am convinced there is so much more to all of these dynamics, it is not so black and white. You also need to be honest with yourself, your own actions, the past, how did you get here? Can you get therapy or counselling to help you focus on moving forward and what steps you need to take.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

aine said:


> Point taken. I wish you no harm, it's just some of what you are writing doesn't make sense to me. It is like a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing or not fitting. On TAM we tend to really try and support the person who is writing here (unless they are a cheater looking to justify their actions).
> However you paint a picture of a woman in deep distress with a horrid husband and terrible unsupportive grown sons.
> The cocaine raised a red flag for me. Then someone wrote about your previous issues with alcohol and the impact on your relationship with your kids (I am a married to an functioning alcoholic and I can tell you now that it is one of the most difficult positions to be in, from the other side). Alcohol destroys marriages and relationships, it takes years to repair, if ever at all. So I am wondering if what is happening to you is also your own doing, since Day 1 you have sold a tale of woe and of how badly you are being treated. I believed you, now I am convinced there is so much more to all of these dynamics, it is not so black and white. You also need to be honest with yourself, your own actions, the past, how did you get here? Can you get therapy or counselling to help you focus on moving forward and what steps you need to take.


Just wanted to come on and say, I’m doing fine, have a part time job at weekends, keeping busy. No alcohol or trying new drugs! The drugs totally out of character for me. F


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Good, thanks for the update. Was worried about you to be honest.

Keep your head up and keep posting please because there are a lot of people on here who genuinely care for you.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Hi Blonde 1971, hope you are still good.

Who do you fancy to win Strictly this year?


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Oh lord, Blonde. Sorry you are not too good. Always hoped that you wouldn’t be posting again, for all the right reasons.


Hello, not been on here for such a long time. But I thought I could come on here and just ramble on for a bit. So my husband that I got back with around a year ago has been behaving himself ( other women I mean) but his behavior has been not good, hitting me, having fights with my older son. So I have finally built up the courage and strength to leave him. I move into a room that I going to rent on Wednesday next week (14th September) just wanted to give you all a positive update! Xx


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Good for you. He doesn't deserve you in his life.

Inform the police of his violence, though.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Your only good path is no contact. Drop the hopium pipe.
The only one that’s kept you in this is yourself. You don’t need him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Make sure you get some help for your mental health as well.

Here's hoping for a healthy future for you.


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## Blonde1971 (Apr 9, 2021)

Thank you


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