# Preselection: Are all the good men really taken?



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Single study shows attached men preferred over unattached men by single women.
Interesting little tid bit that matches my life experience fairly well.



> According to a recent poll, most women who engage in mate poaching do not think the attached status of the target played a role in their poaching decision, but our study shows this belief to be false. Single women in this study were significantly more interested in the target when he was attached. This may be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been ‘‘pre-screened” by another woman.
> 
> Do Single Women Seek Attached Men? - NYTimes.com


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Oh boy.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

It's these types of articles that glorify affairs and make them more common place and main stream.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

So true. I've seen it time and time again


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

THAT is why I treat my man so well.
He's a great bloke and a good catch.

Shameful result though wasn't it!


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I would agree with that. I get more of "those" looks and smiles from women when I am out and about with my daughter than I ever did when I was single.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Single study shows attached men preferred over unattached men by single women.
> Interesting little tid bit that matches my life experience fairly well.


I don't get it. As soon as I know that the guy is in a relationship, I lose interest. 

A few years ago, I joined a running club. On one of the runs a really hot guy approached me. We talked. but he didn't ask for my phone number. He had an unusual enough name that I google searched and a lot came up. He was still in a relationship and I immediately lost interest.

Maybe there are some people who are only motivated by competition. But I am not one of them.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I may be the exception to the rule. I don't have any single women fawning over me. 

ETA: I should add, it is no big deal. I love my wife and while I may be flattered (who wouldn't be), I am not in that game.


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

It's definitely not ALL women who behave this way ... but there are definitely enough of them out there to allow many to articulate some stereotypes.

My personal experiences seem to confirm it as well.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I should also add that maybe not every man has gotten the memo. I was once at a conference and on the bus between the exhib center and the hotel, I sat next to a rather attractive man. We got acquainted and the talked about the possibility of going to dinner and then it dawned on me that while I could see his right hand; his left one was covered........

I decided that I didn't want to go out to dinner after all and it turns out that he did have a ring on his left hand......


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

On a side note, I don't think men fit this profile as clearly ... men tend to gravitate to any decent looking woman who's displaying interest in him.

Guess it's more a caveman mentality. Not looking for Mrs. Right .. looking for Mrs. Right Now, lol.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I didn't read the article, but couldn't it simply be that the "more" attractive dudes ARE more likely to be in relationships? And so when a woman notices him, she isn't aware at first he is in a relationship, she just noticed that he is attractive?


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I didn't read the article, but couldn't it simply be that the "more" attractive dudes ARE more likely to be in relationships? And so when a woman notices him, she isn't aware at first he is in a relationship, she just noticed that he is attractive?


That's a great point and probably accounts for some of the statistics ... but, there are still those competitive types.


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## MeditMike80 (Dec 29, 2012)

A few weeks ago, my cousin and I were talking about the same thing and I think there's some truth to this study. I'm not saying all women are like this, but there are a few women out there that definitely take an interest in a married man. I'm by no means a "looker" but I do notice that I get noticed a lot more by some women when I wear my wedding ring than when I don't (I leave it at home when I do clinicals at the hospital or if I run to the store for a minute). I've had more women flirt with me, check me out, whatever when I have my wedding ring on than when I don't or when I was single. My cousin's had the same experience and when we were talking about it, we came to the conclusion that these women fit into one of two camps. First camp - those that like a challenge and see flirting with a married guy as a worthy challenge. Second camp - those that are put at ease by the fact that a guy is married and that the woman won't be the "prey." In other words, the guy will be more respectable if he's taken and won't chase her. I think these are the same woman that always complain that "all the good guys are taken" yet when the "good guy" was single, they didn't give him the time of day.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

When you can't have something you want it more.

Something that belongs to someone else has more perceived value because if they want it it must be useful. 

That's why Ebay auctions often heat up after one or two bids.

Nothing too surprising about any of that.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

OK I went back and read the article.

I'm not doubting this does happen, but....

This study told the participants that they had been computer matched with someone for compatibility, and then asked them to view this match's pics and status. 

So I'm thinking that just the point of telling the participant that they were MATCHED with someone, causes a bit of flattery and curiousity. Then when they view their "match" (which was really all just pictures of the same man for every particpant), to some participants they were told the "match" was in a relationship, and that is how they concluded that the particpants didn't care if they were poaching or not.

But again, what about the fact they were told they were matched with this person based on compatibility? That alone makes someone interested sometimes.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

LanieB said:


> I don't know any real statistics, but around my area, I'd say most men anywhere near my age are married. And if most of these men are married, that probably includes a chunk of attractive men.
> 
> Let me put it this way - - I'm really not looking forward to being divorced, because around here all the good ones ARE taken. And I have no intention of going after one of them! Therefore, if I divorce, I have to be OK with the fact that I could be alone for a long, looooonnnngggg time.


I would hope that TAM illustrates that there are good men and women out there; you just have to seek them out and watch for those red flags.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I have already stated this before... if I found the misfortune of being single again (knock on wood), I am pretty sure I will take a vow of celibacy. Not so sure a 52 year old male with two sons ages 11 and 13, with the oldest being autistic (developmental equivalency of a 3 year old) makes for a very attractive prospect. So, I don't think this is a female only problem.


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

tacoma said:


> Single study shows attached men preferred over unattached men by single women.
> Interesting little tid bit that matches my life experience fairly well.


Well when I was with my ex....I was glowing...having alot of sex...feeling strong and loved...yeah single women would def smile a lot more at me and do the hair flip.....I was a committed man...that's the bottom line and I exuded confidence....

When she emasculated me....stripped me down and crushed my soul...I began to feel and look weaker...I lost a lot of weight afterwards....I don't get the same looks.....but I'm not glowing with confidence at this juncture....

Yeah....having a stunning woman by your side makes you feel strong as a man...I can see why women are attracted....

Well I'm a good man...and I'm roaming around solo not looking to get back on that horse again....and I'm sure when I'm glowing with confidence again...new ops will arise.....what is the prescrene for a man?


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

I kind of take it on the Jack Reacher approach.

"I can not afford you"

(Think have an affair= lose half or more of all your stuff)


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

I sometimes think it's almost the wife's fault (I don't mean this literally!) when they say a bunch of nice things about their husbands. 

We work in the same office and I always praise my husband. The women there know he can fix almost anything, he's very knowledgeable, trustworthy and has integrity. Yes, they all come to him when their computer acts up or they don't know how to drill open a lock. He's even made house calls. I'm very proud of my husband but I've had moments where I wanted to snap: "You know, get your own dang husband!" and I have since stopped ADVERTISING just how great and desirable he is because I felt I kept shooting myself in the foot. So, officially, my husband is stupid, rude and smells.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

In my case it didn't seem to matter whether they thought I was single or not. 

All it took for me to get lots of female attention was going out with friends. I can say the times my wife went with me the attention died off. I'm not sure it counts though because when she was there I mingled less.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=st_j2J4diE4&feature=youtube_gdata_player


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