# Should I worry?



## SweetAltina (May 30, 2013)

So I've been looking over the forums for a while. I've been asking general questions about sex, religion, money, etc. while reading other people's "coping" stories and reading the newbie "red flag" list, I realized my own husband is having a few of these so called red flags

Is it almost 100% sure their cheating in they exhibit the flags? Here's my flags..

1. Cell phone - its never left behind, always on him. He's always playing with it too. We tried to initiate a no electronics after 8pm thing but it never works.

2. Less intimacy 

3. Texts on phone don't match up with ones on the bill. Meaning there's lots deleted.

4. When he gets a call he goes outside to take it (granted we have little kids so maybe that's why)

5. Sometimes he'll sit in his car outside when he gets home. Sometimes for a half hour.

6. Has had a few close call EAs before

7. Use to be open book. In the last few years he's slowly changed passwords until FB, Email, Etc are all no longer passwords I know.

I've done nothing so far as I have no idea if I should worry. Are people protective of their phones but not cheating? Could he be looking at porn on it and embarrassed? I once found proof of him using porn but mentioned I had no problem with it but he seemed embarrassed. So? Should I start worrying? Right now I'm pretty sure he's not.. Cause he's always home within an hour of when he gets off work. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

This certainly warrants more investigation on your part; these are clearly red flags. Steel yourself, you are going to have a difficult time ahead. Consider placing a VAR in the car and in rooms where he goes to make calls. Try to get the phone off of him to check the call logs. Check the bills for calls to/from the same number and have the number investigated. Same for the frequent text messages. Porn is not your problem here. Most of all .... DON'T BE AFRAID TO CONFRONT WHEN YOU ARE READY TO DO SO. If this is an affair, you don't have to take his crap, but you need to act quickly and decisively. Be proactive.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My phone rarely leaves me. But I am not cheating.

The deleted text thing? When I had my Blackberry I was always deleting texts. Though with my Android, I never bother.

As for going outside to take calls? That can also be an indication of a signal problem.

My boss at work as an Apple iPhone and he always has to leave the office to get a better signal.


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## SweetAltina (May 30, 2013)

The Middleman said:


> This certainly warrants more investigation on your part; these are clearly red flags. Steel yourself, you are going to have a difficult time ahead. Consider placing a VAR in the car and in rooms where he goes to make calls. Try to get the phone off of him to check the call logs. Check the bills for calls to/from the same number and have the number investigated. Same for the frequent text messages. Porn is not your problem here. Most of all .... DON'T BE AFRAID TO CONFRONT WHEN YOU ARE READY TO DO SO. If this is an affair, you don't have to take his crap, but you need to act quickly and decisively. Be proactive.


He goes outside to take his calls. Can I stick one outside?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

I delete text messages that aren't important because of the memory, I use my phone for business so I need the space. The going outside to take calls if it isn't a signal problem would raise a red flag for me.


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## SweetAltina (May 30, 2013)

So I checked his text messages on the bill and he gets tons from 141-000-#### where the last 4 changes every text. Is that a automated service or something?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My husband did all those things too and he was cheating.

Be patient and investigate further. Don't jump to conclusions yet but yes, be Leary.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

There are certain services designed to prevent a real phone number from appearing on the phone logs. The fake numbers change constantly (or so they advertise). 

So, yeah plenty of red flags.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Yes, clear red flags. 

If you want the truth, DON'T confront him! This can be a big mistake. He most likely will deny, and if he does (which if he is doing something wrong, he will) then he will know you are on to him and ensure he hides it better. Right now he is relaxed and not suspicious of you being suspicious. DON'T make him suspicious. 

You just need to quietly investigate and be very patient. I wish I could be that! It will save you lots of stress in the long run if you can be.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

There is a small chance he may not be doing something he shouldn't, you just need to find out if he is and what it is.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> 1. Cell phone - its never left behind, always on him. He's always playing with it too. We tried to initiate a no electronics after 8pm thing but it never works.


Spyware.


> 3. Texts on phone don't match up with ones on the bill. Meaning there's lots deleted.


Spyware


> 4. When he gets a call he goes outside to take it (granted we have little kids so maybe that's why)


VAR at the right spot.


> 5. Sometimes he'll sit in his car outside when he gets home. Sometimes for a half hour.


The jackpot. VAR in the car.


> 6. Has had a few close call EAs before


This doesn't fit with...


> I've done nothing so far as I have no idea if I should worry


Of course you should, he's a serial cheater and the red flags are obvious.


> Are people protective of their phones but not cheating? Could he be looking at porn on it and embarrassed? I once found proof of him using porn but mentioned I had no problem with it but he seemed embarrassed.


Stop wondering, start snooping.


> So? *Should I start worrying?* Right now I'm pretty sure he's not.. Cause he's always home within an hour of when he gets off work.


You already are, understandably.

It's obvious you are already used to EAs and somehow discount them as cheating, that's why you are not "too worried" as he's home just after work... but people have PAs in luch hour, at parking lot after the working day... Even thinking about after the working hours, one hour itself proves nothing, given the rest of secretive and suspicious behavior from a proven serial cheater.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

The 141 numbers are from a web component. My wife got a few from her AP when he was trying to check up on her. When reading them, they said specifically in them to reply to a yahoo address and not to the number. They are not legitimate numbers and are set to hide the sender, or from an email client or such.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

I just have one thing to add to what everyone has said and soon will say: * Don't count on him being home on time as any proof of him NOT having an affair!!!!!* The reason it took me so long to catch my WW was she was always where she was supposed to be! What I didn't know was she was blowing the OM in the parking lot during her lunch! Or she was meeting him over at a friend of her' s apartment, once again during lunch! Never more than once a week, and *always during lunch!! She never met him any other time, even when I worked overnight or was out of town.*. She never even talked to him on the phone, just thousands and thousands of texts and pictures. I couldn't figure it out! I mean she only gets an hour for lunch, and her friend lives 15 minutes from work. Talk about Wam BAM thank you ma'am. Don't take anything at face value one way or the other.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

You are describing the exact same patterns that my WH displayed. And yes, he was cheating. SWEARS it never went physical, but why would a co-worker feel so comfortable sending a pic of herself using a vibrator if they hadn't been intimate yet?

I used 2 different types of software to get to the iPhone backups on the computer. Unfortunately, the texts were long gone, but what was missing from the texts was made up for with the pics. Add to that the THOUSANDS of texts/calls between him and his OW (plural) from month to month (at all hours of the day and night), and the picture is quite clear.

Start checking. I WISH I had come here when I was suspicious. I would've gone straight into spy mode while he was unaware and got the whole story, as opposed to catching him and giving him time to clean some of the dirty tracks.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Hi Im resident VAR Goon

VARs

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. Set bit rate to 44K or higher and sensitivity to very high or better Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!!

Put the second in whatever room he uses to talk in when you are not around.

Usual warning. If you hear another woman get in her car STOP Listening and have a trusted friend tell you what went on. Knowing he is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while they are having sex will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

***Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive him further underground! NO MORE CONFRONTS!!***

Steel yourself for the ugly possibility of a full PA. Odds are 25%.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

HarryDoyle said:


> I just have one thing to add to what everyone has said and soon will say: * Don't count on him being home on time as any proof of him NOT having an affair!!!!!* The reason it took me so long to catch my WW was she was always where she was supposed to be! What I didn't know was she was blowing the OM in the parking lot during her lunch! Or she was meeting him over at a friend of her' s apartment, once again during lunch! Never more than once a week. She never even talked to him on the phone, just thousands and thousands of texts and pictures. I couldn't figure it out! I mean she only gets an hour for lunch, and her friend lives 15 minutes from work. Talk about Wam BAM thank you ma'am. Don't take anything at face value one way or the other.


Yup. 

There is a vacant parking lot across the road from the office I used to work in. Every morning, without fail, at 8.15 am, the same two cars would drive up and park right next to each other, but in the opposite direction (so when the driver side doors opened, it acted as a cover). Sure enough, the guy would get out of his car and into her SUV, and wouldn't come back out for another 15-20 mins or so. The guy would even come out with his shirt off sometimes.

My co-workers and I figured that with the 8.15am meeting time, they were probably both married and meeting up after dropping the kids off to school. If they both had jobs starting at 9, it was the perfect cover, because it gave them 45 mins to do the deed, without much suspicion. 

The things people do...


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## Air Texas (May 30, 2013)

I'm not saying he isn't cheating, but while those are red flags, it doesn't signal for sure that he is. Just look further into it.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

ScorchedEarth said:


> Yup.
> 
> There is a vacant parking lot across the road from the office I used to work in. Every morning, without fail, at 8.15 am, the same two cars would drive up and park right next to each other, but in the opposite direction (so when the driver side doors opened, it acted as a cover). Sure enough, the guy would get out of his car and into her SUV, and wouldn't come back out for another 15-20 mins or so. The guy would even come out with his shirt off sometimes.
> 
> ...


Unbelievable!


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## SweetAltina (May 30, 2013)

Alright.. I'm freaking out but I'm trying not to. 

So my husband is going on a long harley ride with his father. It's something he does every year. They'll be gone all weekend. My husband posted on FB that he's heading out and one of the girls he's not allowed to text/talk to on the phone comments on his photo/update. "Sorry met to comment and not share but don't forget me little brother ..." 

He's not allowed to talk to her because they have inappropriate conversations (talking about her sex life, how sad she is, etc after a break up).. She calls him little brother because I guess they've been as close as brother/sister since high school. She wasn't allowed to talk to him because her exhusband was abusive but as soon as they broke up she texted him and called him at all hours of the night. They would text back and forth all day. I was 9 months pregnant at the time and told him to stop it or leave.. he stopped (I think). She lives like 3 hours away, but near where he's going.

Anyway.. am I freaking out or does that sound like she's going with them? Or at the least he's stopping by to see her? here I am alone watching after the kids and if he's messing around I swear I'll dump him faster than he can say "sorry".


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

SweetAltina said:


> Alright.. I'm freaking out but I'm trying not to.
> 
> So my husband is going on a long harley ride with his father. It's something he does every year. They'll be gone all weekend. My husband posted on FB that he's heading out and one of the girls he's not allowed to text/talk to on the phone comments on his photo/update. "Sorry met to comment and not share but don't forget me little brother ..."
> 
> ...


Do you kn ow where they are going? Is here anyway you can have someone check up on him while gone? 

And what his father be doing harboring this kind of nonsense???


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## SweetAltina (May 30, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> Do you kn ow where they are going? Is here anyway you can have someone check up on him while gone?
> 
> And what his father be doing harboring this kind of nonsense???


He's about 3-4 hours away so no, I have no one who'd check on him.

As for his father, his father is a cheater and wouldn't say anything.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

SweetAltina said:


> He's about 3-4 hours away so no, I have no one who'd check on him.
> 
> As for his father, his father is a cheater and wouldn't say anything.


Then what keeps you from going there?


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

If he is not allowed to talk or text her, why is she not blocked from his Facebook account?

Reply to her comment or send her a Facebook private message telling her to back off. (Or fvck off)


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## SweetAltina (May 30, 2013)

So I found his laptop and he was still logged into facebook.. I guess when she originally shared it she wrote this "Don't forget to come get me!!"... 

Could this be a joke? Could she be just teasing?  I'd have thought so, but then to have her type "Don't forget me little brother" again on his picture later tells me it's not a joke..

I called and asked him if she's going too and he said no. She was just being her and teasing.. but that seems like a bad joke to me.


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## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

The only joke is that he might forget to get her. He won't forget. You are being lied to and gaslighted into believing this whole situation is innocent. From an objective place (mine), it sounds like he is cheating. I would demand he comes home. I would demand no contact with OW. And I would now be hyper-vigilant about his every move.

Stop asking him if he is cheating. Cheaters lie. Do you really expect him to say "yeah honey, I'm planning to pick her up, spend the weekend with her, and have sex with her 4-7 times."?

Oh, and total transparency with all accounts/passwords. Privacy is closing the bathroom when you take a dump, secrecy is hiding passwords, deleting texts etc...affairs thrive in secrecy.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Know where they are staying? PI at 9PM Saturday night might yield results.

Results you will hate but results nonetheless.

Sorry you are here.

Get going on the var thing already. This will give you a chance to set up the menus turn of the beep, 44K bit rate etc.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Sorry, it sounds like he is picking her up. 

I know you have kids and can't follow him but if you know her number, call her number in the middle of the night to see if she answers the phone or anybody answers the phone.

If someone else answers the phone, say it's an emergency and ask where she went.

Sounds like trouble.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Any news from the weekend?


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