# Our Active Sex Life Has Become Inactive:(



## happilymarriedinOKC (Dec 27, 2010)

***First of all, I want to say that I have a WONDERFUL husband! He is a hard worker, loving, kind, funny and sweet. We only have a couple of issues: sex, and money (more on that later). ***

I have always been very interested in sex. My husband and I started dating in 2006 after being friends since 1996. I was his first girlfriend. When we first started having sex, we couldn't get enough of each other. We got married in 2008 and bought a house, which just made it easier for us to have sex, since we had been living with his parents while we saved up for a house. 

A few months after he moved in, I started having extremely heavy periods... The first episode lasted about 2-3 weeks. I went to the doctor, and they said I had a hormonal imbalance. So I took a hormone pill, and it helped... For about two weeks. Then my periods started up again. I wasn't able to go back to the doctor for financial reasons, so I just had to live with it, and so did my husband. 

Because I was having my period so much, I was exhausted all of the time, and wasn't really very interested in sex. I would have sex when my period stopped, just to keep hubby happy. At first he was very understanding, but when it had been several months of this, he started to get frustrated, and less understanding. We would go months without having sex, have sex for a few days, and then it would be back to no sex.

I was unable to get any medical care to alleviate my symptoms for nearly two years. This July, I was finally able to get a diagnosis and treatment that actually DID something, but it didn't fix me up completely... Because I found out I have PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome... Which is a very annoying disorder that causes all kinds of issues, including excessively long and heavy periods, infertility, etc. I was put on a birth control pill, which I will have to take forever. 

It does regulate my periods more, so that I'm having a more "normal" menstrual cycle... But I still have very heavy, painful periods. I have very bad PMS before my period, as well. So for half of the month, I'm NOT in the mood for sex. 

I've also had untreated depression for a while, and I started to finally get treatment for it a few months ago. The depression makes me not interested in sex, as well. Now, since I am receiving free care for my depression via a paid study, I am not allowed to get pregnant. We have to use condoms to have sex at all, and he says he can't feel anything when he has a condom on, so sex hasn't become as fun for him. The only way he can have an orgasm is if I make noise, so sometimes I have to fake it.

He has flat feet and Plantar Fasciitis, and since he works in a restaurant, he is on his feet all day. He usually works 10-14 hour days, so when he gets home, he is usually barely able to walk because of the pain. He also has a VERY stressful job. He has a hard time relaxing, and sometimes all that can help is to have sex, which allows him to relax and fall asleep.

Now, even when I don't feel up to having sex, I try to keep him satisfied. I will jack him off if I don't want to have sex, but I find it messy and don't like to do it. Sometimes, I do have sex even when I don't want to, because I love him and want to help him relax. But I know he's not getting as much sex as he wants.

The problem is, he has become very demanding lately. In fact, the other day, he said "I cooked breakfast so we would have sex"... Well, first of all he didn't tell me that, and second of all, I wasn't feeling well that morning! He also goes around grabbing my breasts all the time... If I bend over, he will come up behind me and act like we're having anal sex. If I don't want to have sex, he gets all irritable and mad. He goes around asking "Are we going to have sex" all the time, and it gets annoying.

Another issue is that he can't/won't masterbate, so if I don't have sex with him, he doesn't get release at all. In fact, he will squeeze his balls to make himself not be horny anymore. I've asked him not to do that, but he does it anyway. It makes me feel bad, because I feel like I'm hurting him if I refuse to have sex.

Does anyone have any advice for us? Please help, because the stress is taking it's toll on our marriage


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I have PCOS and was diagnosed about 6 years ago. It never interfered with my sexual apetite or abilities, are they sure that's all that's wrong? I never had heavy periods with my PCOS, though I did have extreme infertility issues. Normally heavy periods can indicate endometriosis. Have they checked out anything else? I'd be concerned that they haven't found "all" the issues.

Did they put you on metformin for the PCOS? It may take a few months, but it will turn things around - it worked wonders for me, regulated my periods, got rid of the unwanted facial hair, my weight went down, fatigue went away, etc.

Depression can also make you lose your desire. If the meds they have you on are also causing you to lose desire, then you need to ask for different meds. Some will cause a decrease in libido while others don't have as much affect (I'm on Wellbutrin and it doesn't affect my libido at all - in fact, it revved it up so that I am horny all the time, like a 16 year old in High School - my hubby says I'm like a dog in heat!) HA

Seriously though, go back to the doctor's about the PMS and the still heavy bleeding, something else might be causing it besides PCOS.

Also, have a discussion about the depression meds - there are several on the market and one size does not fit all. You may need to go through a few before you find the one that works for you.

Other than that...I really don't have any further advice. But I think it you get the PMS and heavy bleeding and depression under control, that's half the battle.


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## happilymarriedinOKC (Dec 27, 2010)

Well unfortunately I went to a free medical fair and that is who diagnosed me. I don't have the money to go to a doctor right now I'll have to go to the doctor when I can afford it, hopefully this next year will get our finances back on track. No, I wasn't put on anything but birth control. God, what I wouldn't give for all that to happen! Sometimes I'm so tired I wake up, have breakfast and coffee, then go right back to bed, wake up, have lunch, go right back to bed, have dinner, and go right back to bed 

Well, I'm on Paxil and a study medication. I don't know what the study medication is, obviously. Since I'm getting paid to take them (and we desperately need the money right now) I have to stay on the same meds. I only have to take them for a few more months, and they were working well until I started sleeping too much a week or two ago and didn't take them for several days

I do agree, though... Getting my medical issues under control is half the issue... But I also get frustrated because even though I try to take his feelings into consideration and be sexual even when I don't feel like it if I think he's really stressed or it's been a very long time since we have been intimate, he doesn't take mine into consideration when I'm tired or in pain.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Paxil is a libido killer for sure - look it up. You can look up on the internet for depression meds that have the least amount of sexual side effects.

Also, birth control pills are not the treatment for PCOS. Metformin is (it's a diabetic control drug). Look it up on the internet and you'll see that it is the #1 medication (along with a diabetic diet) to treat PCOS. 

So that's why your BC pills aren't working, they don't treat PCOS. And the fatigue you are experiencing is due to the PCOS.

I'm not a doctor but I have this problem and have had it for 6 years and have met with my endochrinologist numerous time (they are the only ones that can truly diagnose PCOS - it's based on symptoms, history, and blood testing).

So I truly hope you can get to a doctor soon to be treated properly for the PCOS with the right diet/medication and to see if there is anything else going on that is attributable to the heavy bleeding.

Men, sometimes (don't any men bash me here), have a hard time with sickness and pain. I know that my husband can't stand to be in hospitals and doesn't really know how to act when I'm sick, it just makes him feel inept and uncomfortable - so maybe that's where he's coming from. Maybe he cares, but doesn't understand what you're going through and doesn't understand how you just "can't get over it" or how to really help you.

Why not look up PCOS symptoms on the internet and have him read them? Also look up depression and have him read them. Then look up the side effects for Paxil and the other drug you're on - maybe then he'll be a bit more emphathetic and realize that you ARE really going through something.

But...if you do indeed have PCOS, nothing is going to get any better until you get on Metformin - trust me on this - do on your research and you'll see.

Good luck!


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## happilymarriedinOKC (Dec 27, 2010)

Thank you so much for all of your helpful information! I have looked up PCOS on Wikipedia but I wasn't really sure about all the medications. I thought that they chose the medications for you as an individual, and didn't realize that there was a specific medication for the disorder! As soon as I can, I'll go to a doctor and get all of it looked into!


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