# Is THIS the sign to just walk away?



## Shesellseashells (Apr 1, 2012)

I need some advice from someone who is not emotionally attached to the situation. 

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have 3 little girls. We have have had our ups and downs like every marriage. 5 years ago our marriage took a bad turn, but we were able to get through it. I would say other than this big current situation we are stronger than we have ever been. 

We meet in our 20's and he has never been great with money. That might be an understatement he is very bad. In the beginning of our marriage we were always able to sweep it under the rug and move on. Digging ourselves not completely in the hole each time. We both didn't care about about our finances in our 20's and didn't really think about how it would impact us. 

The last few years I have grown up you could say  I have really started to see how our decisions have really screwed us. They are also coming back to haunt us. Even if it is all really old our credit is wrecked. He also has put off now 3 years worth or back taxes with the IRS. 

I have begged BEGGED him to come up with a plan to get a better hold onto things. He is all gun hoe for a couple days then it fizzles. The annoyance has built up and came to head back in November when I pretty much gave an ultimatum. I wrote a list of everything that needed to be done. I knew this was the easiest way for him. It was a step by step and pretty much fail proof. I said if he didn't take call who needed to be called, set up a budget with me, and other things I was done. I couldn't do this anymore. That I had to think about the best interest for myself and the girls. I saw him blow it off and the New Year came and went. 

The last 2 months I have been telling him he had to call the IRS to set up a payment plan or he was going to get garnished. If a garnishment happen we would be in a state of devastation due to no savings. He blew it off and made every excuse in the book. This was one bill I could not deal with he had to himself. Well yesterday we got a letter from his employer that he was getting garnished  Leaving his paycheck to be around $180 a week! 

I freaked out of course. This is not enough to keep the roof over our head! He called the IRS and set up a payment plan and they sent a fax to his payroll stopping the garnishment. I have this horrible feeling that it will be too late for this next paycheck this week. I am pretty sure the payroll closes on Sunday for the week. This is going to put us in a extremely bad situation, and I am not sure even what we are going to do. He is upset but is very much acting like he always does. Pretty much taking it day by day.

When I say he is bad with money he just pretty much doesn't think about it. He doesn't go out and blow money drinking or buying lavish gifts. He just doesn't pay attention to anything an never has. I have tried more times then I can count trying to get him to but he doesn't. He makes around 40k salary so not a lot but not bad either. It is enough for us to live OK but we have to be on a budget. I have mainly been a stay at home mom. His job makes it very hard for me to work outside of the home. The past years the biggest argument was him just not thinking about spending $10-20 here and there and adding up. He doesn't get to see that. He is a very smart and educated man but can't seem to grasp anything financially. I have taken complete control of the finances but that is overwhelming too when you have a partner that isn't active at all! He seems to live almost in a dream world on some levels. Like looking at homes when there is no way of buying any time soon. Or a few months ago when I found out that he was not funding any retirement through his work  I was under the impression he was :scratchhead: and because I didn't take his hand and do it for him it didn't happen. He is almost 40 and we have no savings or retirement. 

I have said for the past couple of months(usually starting a fight) that if he didn't take care of this thing with the IRS and it resulted in a garnishment I was done! The last 2 day s have been almost numbing like I have hit rock bottom. It isn't a maturity thing with him. It just is who he is and isn't probably going to change. We are members of a social club that was having a big family event across town. When all this happen with the IRS I was planning on not going so we could save the gas. He decided that it was OK to drive around 30-40 miles round trip because it's not that much gas! His main reason was that he had made a commitment and didn't want to let people down. He is very good at keeping commitments to this group  It blew up in a argument and to say the least I didn't go but he did. When I said I was done and didn't think I could do this anymore all he can ever say is that means I don't love him! It almost seems like a cope out! Which isn't true I do love him which makes this harder.

It is sad because we really can't afford to not be married but I am ready to walk away. I feel like I am in a cycle that is not going to get better. That I just need to really struggle for a short time being a single mom to see ensure my future is good. It hurts to even type that. I just don't know what to do at this point. When our girls were little it was easier but now that they are all older they can see how the financially issues are impacting.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

this was a huge problem for us in our (soon to be over) marriage. I earn quite a lot of money (about three times more than him) but he just couldn't understand how much it costs to live

he thought nothing of getting £100 out of the account randomly - when I ask him to tell me when he did so that I could make sure there was enough money to pay the mortgage apparently I was 'just nagging'

now we are over I feel like a weight has been lifted - I can manage my money the way I see fit and he can frankly do what the hell he likes

immaturity with money is a real problem I think - you are right to be concerned about the future and you're still young enough to pull things around. You do NOT want to be feeling like this when you're 50 and the fact that he's not even got a pension or thinking about the future is a worry (my stbxh is exactly the same)

I can't advise you on what you should do because I don't know you but the resentment will grow, believe me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you leave your husband, you are going to have to get a job to support yourself and your children. Your husband will have to pay some child support, but probably not all that much.

You almost might be better off financially if you stayed with him, got a job and took over 100% control of the finances. If you did this you could open a seperate account in your name for the money to pay all bills. Then just give your H cash for his spending money.If he does not have access to the checking/savings account, then he cannot pull any money out and surprise you.


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

I agree with Elegirl. Also you and your husband need to establish regular meetings with a family financial counselor NOW.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Navy3 (Apr 27, 2012)

hi, my husband has been awful with £, he's almost 50. he's had credit cards,loans overdrafts etc i knew nothing about.

i'm wearing the t-shirt (again) of him "allowing" me to control the finances as we sort the mess out he created again. 

it's all very well saying you must hold the reins,but our husbands are adults,if my husband decides to take out credit cards,loans etc again i can't stop him. he has to take the responsibility himself. you can only control/manage what you know about.

what kind of marriage is it if you are constantly checking up on them? something i often ask myself!
i'm not having a go,i'm dealing with same problems myself.
i married 'til death do us part,otherwise i'd have been long gone.

these decisions or lack of that my husband makes impact me too,i'm so angry,so dissapointed. at this rate we're in for a tough old age,savings are non existent due to constantly clearing my husbands debts. my husband is adamant that he doesn't need therapy,i disagree.
you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

teach your kids about budgeting while they're young,our 2 are great with £ thanks to managing pocket money.


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## rider (Jun 22, 2009)

Church Group, Money Club, Individual Counseling, get him help ASAP!

Spending is an addiction, and a hard one to curb...


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

i would walk. no one has the right to put you in the hole so to speak


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