# I gave up !!!! If you love it set it free....



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Last night he asked me about the mandatory parenting class and I broke down....

I told him what I thought of the divorce and everything that's going on....

At first he tried to fight me and tell me things like "Now you are making changes in no time where I've been begging you for nearly 10 years and just because I threatened you with divorce !!!"....and "You are making these changes for the wrong reasons (trying to get him back) !!!".....

After I told him that he's not listening and repeating myself again, he finally laid there quietly and listened without getting offensive....

I again told him how much I appreciate him and that I always have (just failed to voice it enough) and that I think he's the most wonderful person I've ever met even though he's breaking my heart !!!!!

I ended it with "All I wanted is a second chance to prove to you that this time it's for real....I woke up....I understand now what you were trying to do all these years.....I will become the person I always wanted to be.....with or without you !!!! All I wanted was a second chance !!!!!  "

Then I went to sleep....and he did too....

Today I had a lot of time to think at work and I came to the decision to set him free  ....

He thinks he can only get well without me and so be it....

I can't force him to be happy with me .....

I haven't told him yet, but I think I will write him a letter this weekend.....

He picked up the little one from school early today and was kinda weird (distant/shy) toward me....(The little one goes to the same daycare I work at, so I saw him pick him up)....

When I got home tonight him and the boys had already eaten dinner (he didn't know what time I was going to be home because of my crazy schedule right now)....

As I walked in he went to the oven and got my plate with food out and went to get me a soda  ......

He never does that for me....he just says "Dinner is in the microwave".....

These actions make it so much harder for me.....but I've made my decision....I'm *done*.....I can't live with this pain in my heart anymore !!!!!

I'm done  !!!!!!


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

You have done a very difficult thing and I applaud you. It took incredible courage. You gave him a lot to think about. He may now find that wanting and getting are two entirely different things. Don't be surprised if he tells you he no longers wants the divorce. Then the ball is in your court.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Thanks KR, but I know him better  ....

I think all it is to him is he feels relieved now....knowing that I won't fight for us anymore....

He knows he can count on my word (not to take him for all he's got) and that I want to stay friends just as much as he does....

He's free.....it's over


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

If he wanted to go he would have gone by now. That's what I think. I just don't think men tell their wife " I _might_ want a divorce" and then stick around because they feel guilty. Men generally don't say anything at all until they are ready to go and then they are gone.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

He can't leave....it's his house....he's paying the mortgage....I don't....I will move into an apartment as soon as the divorce is final.....

That's why we're still together....

I can't finance an apartment on my own right now....gotta get my finances straightened out first....

Otherwise I'm sure he would've been gone when he first talked about divorce....


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Yes you are very brave.... Its hard to voice exactly what you feel, knowing that your spouse has his mind made up...you just need ot get it out in the open, have no regrets that you tried everything....that is what I am doing...I am trying, with no such luck, I too am setting my H free and moving forward.....sometimes like I sid in another post, we get stuck with the short end of the stick and thats how the cards are dealt.  We will survive this.


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## manny1 (Nov 9, 2010)

If you could move out to your own place and be away from him it would be alot easier to think. Its hard to be still under the same roof and think clearly. I think you would be able to feel what is right for you and he would know how life would be without you in his house.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Thanks guys !!!!

I wish I could move out now, but it's impossible at the moment....

We're going to go to the parenting class on Thursday (I guess Monday was full)....

He's not making it easy on me at all...

After me pouring out my heart for the final time on Tuesday night, he served me dinner last night :scratchhead: and then snuggled with me in the morning (fully awake, but I pretended to be asleep).....no indication that he might have just wanted sex....just holding me :banghead: 

But I'm staying strong......

I've made up my mind....I'm setting him free....and once I'm really gone, maybe he'll realize what he's done.....

But I need out or I'm never going to stop hurting  !!!!!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

You're sleeping in the same bed????? God that has got to be hard!!!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Yes, we do....

So far I've been happy about this because I was hoping for a change of heart, but now that I'm letting him go....it will be hard.....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

KRinOnt said:


> You have done a very difficult thing and I applaud you. It took incredible courage. You gave him a lot to think about. He may now find that wanting and getting are two entirely different things. Don't be surprised if he tells you he no longers wants the divorce. Then the ball is in your court.


I agree with this post completely.

It is hard letting someone go that you love but it takes two to work. Write the letter to him. I did the same thing in my situation.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

:iagree:

Wowza girl - sleeping in the same bed - I couldn't do that.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Wowza girl - sleeping in the same bed - I couldn't do that.


Yeah, really. That's what air mattresses are for! You still in the same house?


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