# Men in love v women in love



## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

Just wanting to start a discussion on this matter. I would really like to know what are all of your thoughts on this matter. I am not sure if this is right place to post this so mobs are more then welcome to move it. 

This is my Believe that men( nice guys ) truly fall in love once in their life. We truly give our heart to only one women. That could be the first one or the 10th but we only truly love once and if we get Hurt by that woman ( like being cheated on by them) we never treat another woman the same way. ( we turn to a hole ) We never truly fall in love ever again. On the other hand women have an easier time to forgive ( men in general ) and let their heart loose for some one else. In my situation I am considering becoming the same guy as my wife's AP. It seems like he is the only one that did not get hurt. Why bother dealing with another 7 to 10 years of a relationship only to find out she doesnt love me any more. Why bother putting my self in a situation were I will get hurt again. 
What you all think. Your opinion on the matter please
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My opinion? Don't become someone you're not. My parents, as far as your forgiveness model is concerned, we're totally opposite what you said. Dad forgives things much easier than mom ever did. Mom could hold a grudge for years, even DECADES! 

Anyway, I still say, don't become something you're not. Improve yourself FOR yourself. But don't become an @$$ hole because you think that's the kind of guy who gets the ladies. It's not worth it.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

Comparing moms/dads v kids with husband v wife is not a fair comparison in my opinion


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

One size does not fit all. There are women for whom there is only "one true love" just as there are men who feel the same. There are men who may have deep and abiding love with more than one throughout their life just as there are women with a similar life experience. 
Do either of these conditions happen more frequently among one gender over the other? I've never seen compelling evidence either way. 
And of course this opens the door to the unanswerable question of whether there is such a thing as a soul mate and one true love. 
Your thesis seems to be that men, in general, are more prone to believe in one true love than women but I don't think there is any objective evidence to support that.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Re: Men in love v women in love*



dkphap13 said:


> Comparing moms/dads v kids with husband v wife is not a fair comparison in my opinion


I wasn't comparing my mom and dad vs kids with a husband vs wife. Read again. My mom would hold a grudge against people in general, INCLUDING my dad, more than my dad ever has. Not once did I even mention anything about us kids... or any kids, for that manner. Where you came up with that, I have no idea.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I'll agree with the part of we never treat a woman the same after we were cheated on once. 

I am still with my XW. I am still madly in love with her. 
But there are those nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. And those thoughts are more difficult on certain days than others. 
And while I am trying to trust her like I used to, I don't think I ever will. It is more of a subconscious feeling than me consciously doing it. 
She hurt me greatly once, and I know the pain she caused me once. The pain may be gone, but the memory of it won't go away. 

I can't comment from the female point of view, because I am a man. I am not going to pretend to know how they view love. 

Also, trying to become more like the OM, is not always a good idea. 
Sure, you might be able to turn yourself into something that you believe people (like the typical cheating WS) are attracted to. But I imagine you'll hate yourself after a while. And also think this through: Are you sure you want to become the type of person that a WS is attracted to? Think where this leads. 

And if you want to try and become like the OM, here is some honest advice:
A man does not hate another man who steals to feed himself. 
But a man who takes his wife, arouses a husband's fury. 
And you never know who that husband is. Could be a 110 lbs. accountant shaped like a stick. He could be 6'2" at 225 and do steroids. He could be a powerful executive in a company your employer does business with. 
Don't assume that the OM always lives happily after the marriage breaks down.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> I wasn't comparing my mom and dad vs kids with a husband vs wife. Read again. My mom would hold a grudge against people in general, INCLUDING my dad, more than my dad ever has. Not once did I even mention anything about us kids... or any kids, for that manner. Where you came up with that, I have no idea.


Sorr I miss understud what you wrote. Mak sence what you said


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## CluelessWif (Jun 20, 2014)

My take on this is that you forgive if you want. You can't equate all women to the one you were dating. When you find a good woman and punish her for the mistakes of someone else you will chase her away.

Take people on their own merits. Don't become a woman hater because of a single bad experience.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

Juicer said:


> I'll agree with the part of we never treat a woman the same after we were cheated on once.
> 
> I am still with my XW. I am still madly in love with her.
> But there are those nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. And those thoughts are more difficult on certain days than others.
> ...


I don't have to become the other om yet i will never treat another women the Same way as I treated my wife. INfact I don't think i can treat my wife the same way ether. Not t saying I will become a hole to her but NO more will I live my life as a nice guy with no balls.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

The same person that will make all future partners pay for the sins of an ex are the same ones that will get po'd if they have to pay for the sins of a new partners ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

CluelessWif said:


> My take on this is that you forgive if you want. You can't equate all women to the one you were dating. When you find a good woman and punish her for the mistakes of someone else you will chase her away.
> 
> Take people on their own merits. Don't become a woman hater because of a single bad experience.


I do understand what you mean but know I get way there are so many nice guy that turn compleat a holes and way is it so hard for them to let any one els in.


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## lifelesson01 (Nov 3, 2014)

I believe our experiences shape us. I fell madly in love with someone I only dated briefly and was devastated when that ended, I have not loved anyone the same since. With that being said...I do think I will love someone like that again, I just need some time to pass before I do. 

Time and experience...that is what we need. Man or woman.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

My counselor said we don't love the same way in different relationships. What does that mean? I don't know yet, but I think it has to do with the why's and how's of loving another person. I believe him. If you can't love someone in the manner they want to be loved and understand as love, you won't have to worry about loving anyone. They will know and drop you like a hot potato.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, I think you are really messed up or confused in your thinking. I cannot take anything you say about men being in love etc because of the following:


You are a serial cheat. You met your current wife when she worked for you. And took advantage of that situation.

You called her a really sweet woman in another thread despite the fact that she cheated on every single one of her long term relationships. And at least twice with her boss (you and her current boss). And she did not want to give up her boss so you "made" her leave her job. How is she a good woman ? Even if you then went on to say that you cause her to cheat. Maybe when married to you, but what about the previous times ?

You seem to justify your cheating each time - lack of sex, ex-wife was a tyrant etc instead of owning up to the fact that you, like your wife, are simply a serial cheater. You cheated on your current wife too.

So when you say that a man gives his heart only once, exactly who did you "give your heart" to ? Which one of your conquests ?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

wow. it would mean it would suck being me. 

The only difference between some nice guys is the world view.

I don't believe in soulmates, I don't believe in forever, I just have a more realistic view on it. If I fell for a girl, I know I can fall for another one. 

Finding that girl was random. 

I also have a separate life from my relationships, one which brings fulfillment without the need of anyone. 

I believe life needs a certain balance. 

Perhaps you should question your way of thinking.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

That's not true for me.

I have fallen deeply in love twice in my life. Luckily the second one is my wife.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

So when you say that a man gives his heart only once, exactly who did you "give your heart" to ? Which one of your conquests ?[/QUOTE]

My current wife ofcource!!! Yes can not deny the fact that I made plenty of mistakes in both my marriages. Yes I have tried to make excuses for my actions and in some cases for my current wife too.

Soo now what!!! all the things I have learned, just dump them Aside and run with my tail between my legs. Or should I learn from my mistakes stand up for myself and be an adult and face the fire head on. 

My wife screwed up to on many occasions. That dose not mean I don't love her. Frankly my pursuit of keeping my marriage together after all that has happened should prove that I did and do love her and if it was anyone else that had done what she did to me I would've left along time ago. 

and that is my argument I will never be able to give my heart to anyone else As I did for her.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> That's not true for me.
> 
> I have fallen deeply in love twice in my life. Luckily the second one is my wife.


Matt i have loved just one women and it seem like I am falling in love her all over again


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

dkphap13 said:


> Matt i have loved just one women and it seem like I am falling in love her all over again


My first true love left me for another woman, which is why there was a vacancy in my heart.


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

I don't forget anything, ever. I may forgive, but I will always have one eye open after I'm hurt the first time. I've truly loved 3 men in my entire life and each of them have broken my heart in some way.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

dkphap13 said:


> So when you say that a man gives his heart only once, exactly who did you "give your heart" to ? Which one of your conquests ?


_My current wife ofcource!!! Yes can not deny the fact that I made plenty of mistakes in both my marriages. Yes I have tried to make excuses for my actions and in some cases for my current wife too.

Soo now what!!! all the things I have learned, just dump them Aside and run with my tail between my legs. Or should I learn from my mistakes stand up for myself and be an adult and face the fire head on. 

My wife screwed up to on many occasions. That dose not mean I don't love her. Frankly my pursuit of keeping my marriage together after all that has happened should prove that I did and do love her and if it was anyone else that had done what she did to me I would've left along time ago. 

and that is my argument I will never be able to give my heart to anyone else As I did for her.[/QUOTE]_

You certainly should definitely learn from your bad behaviour. I won't call them mistakes - chosen behaviour to cheat. Also your wife didn't "screw up" - she chose to cheat. She too should learn from her bad behaviour.

And sure, when your wife "screws up" it does not mean that you don't love her, but it points heavily to her not loving you!

And if both of you can get past the fact that when the going gets tough, you both go out and find someone else, then great for you!

Maybe all she needs is for someone to take her back after she screws up to make her stop screwing up.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Love is nothing more than natures way of tricking humans to reproduce. It is a wonderful feeling but after the novelty wears off the reality of the situation is there and for most a companionship based on friendship is forged. Others however are not so fortunate or happy with the afterglow of the initial love phase. Usually what happens is that one party stops trying while the other one waits for more from their primary partner. 


Love sucks!!!!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

What joker says is true. 

Infatuation stage is where you mate like rabbits, and the attachment phase is where you stay long enough to raise your offspring.

Oxytocin only lasts for about 5 years before it is depleted.

Some couples do things to keep that bond alive. 

Funny thing a lot of divorces happen around the 5 year mark.


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