# Your perspective is appreciated



## michellecal (Jan 22, 2009)

I am really trying to be sure that I am not over-reacting to a recent situation with my husband. About a week or so ago, he came home and in the course of a general conversation he mentioned how he made contact through a professional networking website with two co-workers (one male and one female) that he worked with about 9 years ago. The guy lives farther away, while the woman is about 35-40 minutes from where we live.

My husband and I have known each other for over 10 years and have been married for a little over 8 years. When we met, I knew that he was good friends with both of these people, (the guy was the best man at our wedding and he would refer to the woman as a "little sister/big brother" relationship. I have no reason to believe that their past relationship ever had a sexual aspect to it.

So now all of a sudden my husband has been emailing with this woman in particular. He has her cell phone number and has said that they were planning on getting together for lunch sometime.

In the last couple of days I have let him know that I am not comfortable with his "rekindling" of this relationship. He has not talked with this woman in over 8 years, while they are both in the tech field, they do not have job-alikes to share information and contacts. I don't understand his motivation.

We have a good relationship, while like all couples, we have had our minor bumps in the road. I have never had any reason to suspect anything and have trust (although somewhat faltering now) for him, I have no idea what this woman who has been married for over 10 years might have as her motivation.

I have let him know that I am not comfortable with this and do not think it is appropriate for him to re-connect for what would be a relationship he would have with another woman on his own. 

He thinks I am over-reacting and being insecure. I would appreciate other's perspective. Thanks.


----------



## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

There can be nothing wrong with a male / female friendships.


If he says there is nothing wrong, ask him to see the emails and texts and see what they are talking about and if you can figure out the tone of the conversation.

It may be nothing, it may be something... you don't know for sure.


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Hi, Michellecal! Welcome to the forums! 

A gentle suggestion...use only one thread for your posts (per topic). You will find a better consolidation of thoughts than spreading the same question in many places and missing interaction.


----------



## soulmate (Jan 18, 2009)

Jealousy is a very difficult emotion. I hate being jealous, but it is hard to avoid sometimes. I do think the idea of checking the emails and texts is not a bad one. Maybe you can talk to her yourself. Then again if you can overcome this and your husband is honestly just looking at this woman as a buddy, maybe this is make you feel more secure. I don't know. Is part of the problem that you think if he needs a woman friend, then why isn't it you? 
Another thought is that in this time of economy and job problems, he is just reaching out to others to discuss overall issues or concerns, comparing job notes so to speak. Sometimes you need to talk to someone that can relate on a job situation, even if it is not the exact job. If he trusts her opinion or judgement, maybe he just wants so insight? It is worth considering.


----------



## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

I disagree about asking to see the e-mails. I think that people are entitled to some individuality.

Plus, if you are wrong and it IS innocent, you will do WAY more damage than good.

I think you'd be better off looking for the more telltale signs of whether something else is going on (going to the gym a lot more, unable to account for time, unusually happy, unwilling to fight over little things...). There are many articles that are very well written about uncovering this sort of thing, that would be excellent reference guides for you.


----------



## Flutterlashes (Jan 8, 2009)

I wonder if your husband has ever given you reason to mistrust him before? I do not think that there is anything wrong with contacting an old friend male/female. It may only be lead by curiousity, (like a school/club reuniting). If they were once good friends, I am sure that he will invite you to join them if they find that they still have things in common. Try not to worry, if they occassionally speak, there is no harm done. If they meet regularly and you are never included, then that is the time to worry. I would not suggest that you check mobiles/text/messages. If your hubby finds out and he feels that you are really that mistrusting, it gives him more reason to pull away from you. Just casually ask him how he is getting on with her. Keep us posted and if anyone here can help, they will. x


----------

