# Broken Marriage!



## jtorna33 (Aug 23, 2011)

Hi to everyone,

Two months ago I went to Arizona with my two kids to visit my family. It was a good thing I did for my family because my grandfather became ill and died so my mom really needed my help. I was gone for six weeks. While I was gone, my husband had a 24 year old woman living here and they were even having sex in my bed. He told me while I was gone he had recently meet someone and had feelings for her. I asked if he slept with her and he lied and said he didn't. When I got back she was constantly calling and texting and acting like I was the third wheel and she was his wife. He was treating me horrible. It got so bad from all the drama that they ended up getting an apartment near by me. Now I still have to give him a ride to and from work just so I can get money. He keeps changing his story and never giving me a straight answer. I told him I don't want my children around this woman because I think she has no morals and he gets mad saying she is very nice. Now I am busy taking care of two kids myself and one of them has bipolar and ADHD. I suffer from bad crohn's disease, a four year old that suffers from seperation anxiety, I am trying to take an anger management class, etc. I feel it is so unfair that he gets to hang out with this woman and they have no responsibilites and I have even more stress than before. I am so upset about the whole thing that I can't even think straight. I know he doesn't deserve me or the kids but I still wish he would come back home, but I know that is a fairytale. Can anyone give me any advice about this situation to help me feel better. Thank you.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

jtorna33,

I know it hard right know and you've had a ton of crap thrown on you. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself right now. Try and keep a level head and stay planted on the earth. 

Has there been any attempt at reconciliation on his part?

GM


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Lawyer up.


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## jtorna33 (Aug 23, 2011)

He hasn't mentioned it because he keeps thinking that the relationship he is in is not going to fail. Its even harder on me because I was the one with the car and his girlfriend doesn't have one so I end up giving him a ride to and from work. I need the money for the kids because I do not have a job yet and he stuck me with the apartment. I hate it because she is always trying to see me so she comes out with him so I tend to hide the car until she goes back inside. Then she constantly texts him when he is around me or the kids. Plus my husband is always trying to make small talk like nothing happened. I just keep picturing me torturing them in some mid evil way in my mind as he keeps talking. I give lots of praise and credit to any woman or man who has lost their spouse to another and has gotten over it. I have to admit with all the issues I have had in my life this is the hardest to deal with.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

jtorna33 said:


> Its even harder on me because I was the one with the car and his girlfriend doesn't have one so I end up giving him a ride to and from work.


I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. It sounds emotionally painful  But I wanted to find out if there is anything you can do about not giving him rides. To me, it sounds like you are enabling him in his relationship with this woman. Neither of them have cars? No public transportation? No other means for him to get to work but to "use" you? Sounds like you have enough on your plate without him putting this burden on you... If it were my soon to be ex, I can almost hear him putting the pressure on me... "well you want your money right? Then you HAVE to take me to work!" Your sanity is very important too and it sounds like to me that just having to see him in these close circumstances is not helping you to move on. Take it through the courts now, he WILL find a way to get to work WITHOUT you, the courts will make sure of it, or he can mull it over behind bars for falling behind on his CS payments...


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Honey, he is playing you. You need to break the fog and get him outta lala land! First if he left. You and the kids,in some states that is abandonment. Call your local aid office and see if they can help you with emergency cash and help pay rent until you can get on your feet. It may not be what you ant to do, but you have two kids to think about too. You DO NOT need to give him a ride,let the state come after him for child support. His life may get rough, but he left you and your kids so now you and the kids are your priority. 

Do not fall for his guilt trips! They will follow when he doesn't have a ride,and funds get low. Focus on you and realize you deserve so much better than that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You need to make this affair as uncomfortable and as inconvienent as possible.
Expose the affair to everyone, even OW family asking them "to help you support the marriage and and the are two little ones that need to adjust to this.

I get you need the dough so you drive him to work, but if you have the support bail on this activity, you are enabling him to cake eat.
Again you are helping him....bad move.

Why can't, you love him.... you let him face the reality of what it will be like when you have moved on? I get it money...well keep driving him, but you are empowering him.

I know this sucks but the best move is to make him suffer some real consequences that will make him think twice.

My thought here, is the more you distance you and the kids and give him a taste of what it will be like when you really move on, he will doubt his choices.

The thing here is putting the pressure on him to have complete NC with her.

IMO your not being vandictive but simply not putting up with this crap any more, and moving on.

I know you love him, but perception and additude are everything here when dealing with a spouse that it in the FOG!


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

You need to do as Guy suggests - stop taking it. Lay it out - NC and reconcile or we separate and D. And stick to it. If he doesn't stop, you have lost him anyway.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

Lots of good advice, here.

If your disease makes you unable to work, you are eligible for SSDI. You should seek out financial help, including food stamps, stop driving the jerk and get a lawyer.

Best,

Lyn


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## jtorna33 (Aug 23, 2011)

Even though it is going to be very hard I am going to take everyone's advice. I am supposed to pick him up today at 1:30 but I am not even going to show up. I won't even call to let him know that. If he calls or text I will not respond. Thanks everyone.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Doing what you just suggested does not get the message through. Text him and tell him you can't enable his behaviour. When he is ready to NC (no contact) and work on rebuilding your trust and marriage he can call. Until then you won't be driving him or staying in contact. Then don't respond until you see the right actions to meet up with the words he will throw saying he will do it all. When he does that, just respond words mean nothing. Show me actions you mean it.


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## jtorna33 (Aug 23, 2011)

Well I took your advice and texted him what you said and I even dropped off at his door bus info. I didn't see him though. Then he started texting me all this stupid stuff. He told me he was going to quit that job and get another one so I just answered ok. Then I got in a texting war with his girlfriend telling me how much in love they are and they are never going to leave each other and all this other nonsense. I texted her back thanks for the laughs. She was very defensive. I don't know any of her family they live in London. I hope what I did with the car and texting her helped to put a strain on their relationship and not bring them closer together. Now I just want him to leave her. I don't care if we get back together as long as she losses him. But I will probably have to wait a while for that to happen. Fingers crossed.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I would take this opportunity to get a lawyer... And since you already have the children in your care, you can petition the court within 14 days (I think) to get temp custody of your children for the duration of the divorce case as well as financial help court ordered from him. He will look like scum in the courts eyes in his current living conditions and you will smell like roses  Not sure of your state, but I know some lawyers who will take your case for a small retainer and then plan to go after the "responsible" party (i.e. breaking up the marriage due to blatant infidelity) for the remaining fees in the end. It sounds like neither one of them are concerned for your children and they think this is all fairy tale or a joke. A family court judge will shut them both up eventually. That's just what I would do. Good luck to you!


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

That is the best you can do. I truly hope the ights come on in his head. I agree - start checking around for a lawyer and finding out what you can get to start the child support and how much it will cost. There may even be some charities that will help. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. We are all here for a sounding board and to help - your not alone.


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