# A bit sexually inhibited..



## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Ok, so, i'm trying to figure out a way to phrase this right. Have any of you been too shy to try and initiate sex and do things, generally?

My husband was the first (and only) guy i've ever been with. Because of a long string of misunderstandings i was pretty passive/reserved for the first couple of years of our marriage. This was followed by a pretty long sexless period (sex happened but rarely). Nowadays it's starting to pick up a bit. 

I'm extremely aware of what i want sexually. I have a ton of things i'd love to do but because as i've written above pretty much all our sex life together was awkward, i can't seem to find the courage to start anything. It's like i'm barely starting my sex life (yes, i know this sounds odd). 

For fear of being judged by the person i love the most, of looking silly...i don't know exactly 100 percent why. I just know that every time i'd show up on the doorstep wearing close to nothing to try and get him in the mood, i feel like a silly kid who can't pull that off and give up on the idea. 

I considered sipping a bit of wine or something before i start but my husband simply hates alcohol and will be turned off by it. Anyone who's been through this? How did you pass the moment?


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I do actually understand what your saying. 

In the past I felt a little awkward by wanting to do thing. Not initiating sex really, thats always come easily for me. But initiating things he didn't show much interest in. However, when I did I found he was just as into them simply cuz it was a new way to be together.

With him being gone so often we talk about sex allot. I wrote about the cross roads we came to and I feel like these little blockages were barring both our ways. Since then we have both been more honest and frank with each other in all area's of communication.

The other day he initiated cyber sex which I used to do allot of when I was a teen and young adult but stopped some time before meeting him. I have never wanted to do it with him because writing my feelings and responses seemed so very deep and I was worried my words would give away or be to "romancy". But I went with it. I was shocked by what he wrote to me and what I wrote back. I don't really think he's much of a romantic and he doesn't consider himself one but he has always written beautifully and this time was no exception. He wrote me about passion, tenderness and wild abandon. He did not judge anything I wrote back, he didn't say it was cheesy or to emotional. He actually called right after to tell me how much he enjoyed spending the time with me.

If I were you I'd sit down and have a heart to heart. Know each others limits and beyond those open up and show him and talk about exactly what it is you want to explore with him.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Idontknownow said:


> I do actually understand what your saying.
> 
> In the past I felt a little awkward by wanting to do thing. Not initiating sex really, thats always come easily for me. But initiating things he didn't show much interest in. However, when I did I found he was just as into them simply cuz it was a new way to be together.
> 
> ...


Very sweet and touching................................


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Nekko,

Try Idontknownow's advice!

She knows what she is talking about. 

Sometimes we don't communicate enough with our men. What we are worried about might be something they love! What we don't want to tell them might be something they want to hear. 

Be a naughty girl, play with him. I doubt how many men don't like this!


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## undercover (Nov 2, 2010)

I opened a thread on here about being shy so this is helping me as well - many thanks!

I can feel my naughty side slowly re-emerging.


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

Let me tell you as a H there is NOTHING more that turns me on as when my W gets just as aggressive in bed as I do 

I say JUST DO IT!!! Push him down on the bed and remove his clothes with your teeth. That should get his blood running, the RIGHT way


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

dblkman said:


> Let me tell you as a H there is NOTHING more that turns me on as when my W gets just as aggressive in bed as I do
> 
> I say JUST DO IT!!! Push him down on the bed and remove his clothes with your teeth. That should get his blood running, the RIGHT way



I agree with dblkman.

you are assuming that your husband will see something wrong with you. that is about as far from the truth as you can get. He will love you even more for taking the steps to make his sex life more interesting and fun.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

dblkman said:


> Let me tell you as a H there is NOTHING more that turns me on as when my W gets just as aggressive in bed as I do
> 
> I say JUST DO IT!!! Push him down on the bed and remove his clothes with your teeth. That should get his blood running, the RIGHT way


Men are naughty and mischievous.

I always picture men as young boys and we just need to be young girls, no need to be concerned, just play with them, and they are super happy!


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Trust me if he is into you he will be turned on by almost anything you come up with... I get a kick outta pleasing my W its the outta bedroom stuff my W do that bothers me everything behind closed bedroom doors I enjoy... Somebody have to be the wild one, take that chance and just do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Nekko,
There is nothing and I mean nothing that you need to feel concerned about, this is your husband and someone who loves you. I bet your husband would be thrilled if you told him what you wanted. He probably wants the exact same thing but is afraid to tell you! Short of saying "honey, I want to bring in another guy into our bedroom", men are up (pun intended) for everything sex wise.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Idontknownow said:


> In the past I felt a little awkward by wanting to do thing. Not initiating sex really, thats always come easily for me. But initiating things he didn't show much interest in. However, when I did I found he was just as into them simply cuz it was a new way to be together.
> 
> With him being gone so often we talk about sex allot. I wrote about the cross roads we came to and I feel like these little blockages were barring both our ways. Since then we have both been more honest and frank with each other in all area's of communication.
> 
> ...


Thank you for taking the time to answer  I know what you mean with the cyber sex part. I'll try to have more talks with him. I guess i should mostly work on myself here. 

The problem is he didn't show any interest in sex for a long time and didn't want to talk about it. so in a way, everything about sex seemed of no interest to him. The problem with talking about sex was that i heard "no" so many times that when i did start to talk about it i didn't say much. :rofl: I literally got intimidated and much of what i said didn't make a lot of sense. 

Last week after an argument though i told him he had to bare with me until i managed to build up the courage to say everything i need to say. After 5 minutes of babbling i finally managed to pull that off. I don't know if he was surprised of what he heard or what happened there but he opened up a bit more. He recently mentioned how it's somewhat important to talk about things if we want to make our relationship and sex better. 

I know i should just go right ahead and open up both as words and as actions but it's been a while (about 5 years) in which i assumed i couldn't do that (and that he didn't want me to). Now i'm somehow trying to break this habit.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> Nekko,
> 
> Sometimes we don't communicate enough with our men. What we are worried about might be something they love! What we don't want to tell them might be something they want to hear.
> 
> Be a naughty girl, play with him. I doubt how many men don't like this!


You know, that's quite true. There's much i haven't had the courage to tell him he might have wanted to hear. 



undercover said:


> I opened a thread on here about being shy so this is helping me as well - many thanks!
> 
> I can feel my naughty side slowly re-emerging.


Yes, i saw your thread shortly after i started this one. I'm glad this is helping you as well 



dblkman said:


> Let me tell you as a H there is NOTHING more that turns me on as when my W gets just as aggressive in bed as I do
> 
> I say JUST DO IT!!! Push him down on the bed and remove his clothes with your teeth. That should get his blood running, the RIGHT way


I'll share your opinion in this case. That's the kind of stuff i'm talking about. Except, this sounds silly, i know, i don't know how to start. Usually if i tried to to that, he'd just stop mid-air, ask what i wanted and tell me there's going to be no sex because he's busy/tired etc... He had his reasons for saying no which are quite clear to me now. Things have changed between us as well.So technically now he might say yes. I tend to assume, like in the past that he'd say no so i figure what's the point of trying. Know what i mean? It's the mental blockage i need to pass. I also wish i could come up with something that feels safer (in terms of rejection) that i can start with. 



Chris Taylor said:


> I agree with dblkman.
> 
> you are assuming that your husband will see something wrong with you. that is about as far from the truth as you can get. He will love you even more for taking the steps to make his sex life more interesting and fun.


I don't know, a while back i thought that was a viable assumption. Now i'm starting to not be so sure anymore. in any case, the last part is right on. He probably even expects me to take those steps.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

WadeWilson said:


> Trust me if he is into you he will be turned on by almost anything you come up with... I get a kick outta pleasing my W its the outta bedroom stuff my W do that bothers me everything behind closed bedroom doors I enjoy... Somebody have to be the wild one, take that chance and just do it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, you're right. I should take the chance and just do it. Thanks. 


Brennan said:


> Nekko,
> There is nothing and I mean nothing that you need to feel concerned about, this is your husband and someone who loves you. I bet your husband would be thrilled if you told him what you wanted. He probably wants the exact same thing but is afraid to tell you! Short of saying "honey, I want to bring in another guy into our bedroom", men are up (pun intended) for everything sex wise.


Ah i know. I'm just going to read this thread a million times until it "sets in". All of you are making a lot of sense. It's just that he hasn't show he's very sexual to me for years. So some part of me is stuck on believing that he's not that into it. But thank you very much for your great answers.


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