# Kids over dilema and need advice



## Guest58 (Sep 5, 2008)

My wife and I are having struggles with one issue. And, I want to fix it so I'm looking for suggestions, etc.

Over the last year, we built a game room that has numerous attractions. Pool table, some weights, excercise equipment, bar tables, etc. It's a nice room and I'm proud of it. As a side, we do not have a basement.

Over the last 6 months, my wife's 15 year old son has been bringing his friends over more and more. They go downstairs in the den and mostly, want to hang out in the game room. Sometimes there's 2 or 3, but many times 7 or 8. If it were up to his friends, they'd be here every day.

Because we don't have a basement, when the friends are over, they are in the main stream of the house frequently going from the game room, through the dining room into the kitchen, downstairs, so forth, etc. Our living room is adjacent to the game room.

Long and short - I feel like when they're over, I have no peace, and feel encroached on. If it were once in a while, I wouldn't mind, but it's several times a week. To boot, I work from home, so when the group comes over after school or so, I'm ready to relax. I then resent them, which I don't want to. And it seems that these friends must not have dinner times at home, because they'd stay here from 3 or 4 until whenever. So I'm uncomfortable because I feel like when they're here, I have no set dinner time, etc.

There's stress all around regarding the issue. My wife's son thinks I don't want him and his friends around at all. Not the case. But I feel like I'm always the one who has to say no, or gets asked the question "is it ok". I feel like I get set up to be the bad guy every time and I'm not sure of what to do.

On one hand, I want him to be here and really wouldn't mind if it were a friend or two occasionally. But I feel overwhelmed when there's more or the door bell keeps ringing and another is at the door cause someone texted him or her to come over.

I really want to find a compromise, but it seems hard to find between the three of us.

Other than this issue, we have a wonderful marriage. But since her son has become so "social", it's been a constant struggle and I know we both want it to stop.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

:scratchhead:


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Sounds to me like you and your wife need to lay down some rules that work for all of you. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask the friends to go home by a certain hour, or to limit the number of people he can have over at a time during regular weekdays. You and your wife are the parents and as such can "lay down the law" - in a way that doesn't come off sounding harsh or uncaring. It think it's a good sign that he wants to be there at the house with his friends.

Best of luck to you. Let us know how it goes.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I built a game room several years ago. Pool table, home theater, video games, fridge, microwave…. The difference is we built the space specifically for our boys and their friends. Our thinking was we knew where they would be and what the supervision was. We encourage the kids to come over. The difference is it is in the basement and out of the traffic flow in the house. I can understand your need for some privacy and relaxation. I would suggest the three of you set some guidelines. We have always felt it important that we share as many meals as a family as possible. Start there with select days that dinner will be at X:XX and friends are to be gone during that time. Set some time for family time in the game room and limit the days the kids have the run. If you set the rules and can agree on them he will probably accept them after a little grumbling and moping.

Side bar. When your son is old enough to drive you will lose a lot of control over him. This is a great time to get to know who he hangs around with. Good luck.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I agree with amp. Not that I have a game room but I on a game store. For a young person it is the coolest place to be but when I am there I have to work. Most people think I have time to play games all day. I do my email, phones and orders from there. I take care of customers. It is rare that I have more then five minutes between stuff, let alone time to shaparone many kids. So I set up times and rules they can be there and what they can do there. I don't think you are asking to much if that is the case. Remember he is in high school and that is the time to be social and learn those skill. It is nice that he and his friends like being there but you need a middle ground.

draconis


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I don't know if I have much in the way of suggestion, but I can understand how you feel...My middle son will be 15 next month and I also work from home...so a few minutes after he gets home, the phone starts, then the doorbell...and soon there are 6-8 guys/girls here. I would rather have them here as Amp said, to meet them and know what they're up to, but gosh teenage boys are LOUD!!! I have told my son a few days a week is ok but not every day & after work I tell them they need to go home (if I need to run to the store or if dinner is ready and they are still here)

My husband, being the stepdad, has also been in the position of bad-guy (I think some of it is that I'm more laid back) so I pay attention to the things that bother him and try to support him...taking drinks in the living room, etc. especially if I notice them doing it when he isn't here so they don't think it's just him. I guess in short, talk to your wife about what you think is reasonable & approach your son together. 

I have even flat-out told my son I like his friends and am glad he has them over, just not every day...they did start going to the pool and park to play soccer but now that fall is coming I will brace myself


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## Guest58 (Sep 5, 2008)

Thanks for all the advice. My wife used several of your suggestions, and some of our own common sense to come to an agreement and a compromise.

Our son will be able to have his friend over 2-3 times a week, M-F from 4-6 and Saturdays or Sundays for a time to be determined, but around 2 hours. 

I think this will do it for us, hopefully, if we stick to it, everything will basically be perfect.

Thanks for the input.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

You need to talk to your wife about this. Tell her I don't mind his friends over, but not as much as they are. See if she can work with you on this and not against you. My son has his best friend over a lot, but I just tell him no if I don't wait company that day. His other friend never wants to leave, which I wonder if I said I would adopt him, they would let me. They don't seem to care when he goes home.  lol


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