# open relationship gone wrong



## HelloGoodbye (Nov 28, 2011)

Hello all. My boyfriend and I have been going through a very tough time the past four weeks. I’m bi, and never really been with a girl. My bf of two years (living together for a year and a half) and I have had a sort of open relationship, I’ve been allowed to date girls. I’ve only made out a few times when drunk, and went on two or three dates that didn’t lead anywhere. My bf and I would talk often about me dating other girls, I asked him if he was interested in seeing anyone else and he said no- he only wanted me. 

Well that changed about a month ago. I knew he had feelings for one of our friends, but never thought that anything would happen. Several weeks ago he tells me that he wants to date her. This completely freaked me out. I was already questioning my own feelings outside our relationship, and slowly realizing I don’t want to be with anyone but him.

We’ve talked for hours and hours, over several tear filled weeks about this. Finally he broke it off with her because he doesn’t want to lose me over this. But they're still good friends.

I want him to be happy, but I also want our amazing relationship back (and better). I feel as if our relationship is hanging on by a thread. I just want him to be happy with loving me and only me. Is that too much to ask?

How do I go about mending things, and making us stronger?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You were fine while you were dating others, but not him? Funny how that works.

I don't know how to fix it...just agree to be monogamous.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

When your out and about dating other people you are unable to truly give your whole self to your primary partner.

I know you say your bi, but I still wonder if your dating girls, and kissing girls is what you want, or what he wants?

You also say that you only want to be with him, so I assume you want to close the relationship. All I can suggest is do it. Life is long, and you have many many many many many years ahead of yourself to explore your sexuality.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wow, you are selfish you know and a hypocrite. It's ok for you to date and try to find someone else to hookup with but not him.

Wow.

So lady, it doesn't matter the gender involved, hooking up with someone else is cheating. I suspect what has happened, is your ex bf decided that if it's ok for you to seek out others, then why not him.why should he sit alone at home wondering when you will have time for him.

Guess what, he found a girl who makes him her priority, not her option. He realized he likes being with someone who values him, and he is moving on.

See this is what happens when people develop self respect stop letting you treat them like a backup.

Oh, btw your not bi until you actually are really with a girl. Right now your just a selfish litte princess who's toy has figured out he has much better options than waiting on you.

Another thing. Even bi people can be faithful, you went out actively seeking another person to be with while he was waiting for you. Really stupid on your part. Guess you've learned a lesson about how to treat people if you want them to stay with you.

Hopefully he will realize that you are just toying with him, and he will get her to take him back. Clearly you feel it's ok for you to date others, but he shoud stay hom r waiting for you like a good little cuckold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea...."bi" doesn't mean you get to date 2 people at once...It just means sometimes you are with men, sometimes with women. You can be monogamous. lol.

Shaggy, you're awesome.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm just do tired of bi people thinking that somehow the fact they are attracted to both sexes somehow gives them the right to cake eat. Heck I like blondes, brunettes, redheads , and even girls with short cropped black hair. Ones that mean I should get to have four wives? I mean don't I deserve ALL my wants served?

Relationships ate about making the person you love the priority in the world. Don't be a doormat, but do let them know that there is never a choice to make- they come first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

The only way you can fix your relationship is to close it altogether, meaning neither of you date other people, period.

I really don't see the point in an open relationship anyways. What would be the point in you dating others and him dating others if you are happy with each other?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> I'm just do tired of bi people thinking that somehow the fact they are attracted to both sexes somehow gives them the right to cake eat. Heck I like blondes, brunettes, redheads , and even girls with short cropped black hair. Ones that mean I should get to have four wives? I mean don't I deserve ALL my wants served?
> 
> Relationships ate about making the person you love the priority in the world. Don't be a doormat, but do let them know that there is never a choice to make- they come first.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ever stop to think that maybe the boyfriend thought it would be cool if his gf dated other girls? Maybe the bf thought it was a good segue into a threesome. 
Heck, if this were ten years ago, and I was dating this chick, I would have been thinking that morning noon and night.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> Ever stop to think that maybe the boyfriend thought it would be cool if his gf dated other girls? Maybe the bf thought it was a good segue into a threesome.
> Heck, if this were ten years ago, and I was dating this chick, I would have been thinking that morning noon and night.


Fantasy is really fun right up until reality kicks you in the butt. It may sound fun to some men to think of threesomes, but the reality of someone you love being sexually involved with someone else (male or female) often turns into a nightmare.


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## teahead (Nov 28, 2011)

If you can only be with a girl (and "be" is just kissing) when drunk, you're not bi. If you can go down on a girl and love it, you're bi.

I'm a guy and can read your BF like a book. He wants YOU to be with other girls so HE can be with other girls. Duhhh!

If you can't handle him being with other girls, then don't try yourself to be with other girls. Your BF will then resent this one-way open relationship and cheat on you.

Oh, you sure your BF isn't cheating on you already with this other girl that he supposedly broke off with? It's obvious your guy wants other girls (cake and eat it too) and he will find a way one way or another. Trust me. We're simple creatures.


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## Whattodowiththis (Sep 18, 2011)

Im bi. My husband allowed and encouraged me to be with other women. We both agreed that did not mean he could date others. I know I couldnt handle him being with others and got that it may not seem fair I could do something he couldnt. It was his wish for me to do so. Its a turn on for some men. We agreed that our situation was the way it was and we had our rules and guidelines in place. It seems you made the mistake of encouraging the openess on both parts. A serious talk needs to be had between you two.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## teahead (Nov 28, 2011)

Whattodowiththis said:


> Im bi. My husband allowed and encouraged me to be with other women. We both agreed that did not mean he could date others. I know I couldnt handle him being with others and got that it may not seem fair I could do something he couldnt. It was his wish for me to do so. Its a turn on for some men. We agreed that our situation was the way it was and we had our rules and guidelines in place. It seems you made the mistake of encouraging the openess on both parts. A serious talk needs to be had between you two.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Your husband also has this classic mentality that "*maybe eventually she'll let me be with other women since I'm allowing her to be with them???*"

It doesn't work for long. Eventually he will resent you and will show it in passive aggressive manner. Unless he really gets off on being a cuckold (in this case, you being with other women; not men) and allows you freedom while you do not allow the same, he will breed resentment.

Trust me, I know.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Whattodowiththis said:


> Im bi. My husband allowed and encouraged me to be with other women. We both agreed that did not mean he could date others. I know I couldnt handle him being with others and got that it may not seem fair I could do something he couldnt. It was his wish for me to do so. Its a turn on for some men. We agreed that our situation was the way it was and we had our rules and guidelines in place. It seems you made the mistake of encouraging the openess on both parts. A serious talk needs to be had between you two.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How does he feel when you turn your back on him to go be with these other people? Does he feel loved when you eventually come back home from your private dates from which he is excluded?

I'm not trying to attack you, but I am trying to understand how he can accept you having intimate relationships with others while he only is allowed the time with you that you give to him. Put another way, you are is priority awhile he is just one of our options. Do you honestly respect him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Whattodowiththis (Sep 18, 2011)

My husband encourages it. Tells me to do it. I dont insist on it and have offered many times to not do anything with other women. I dont neglect him for others. And hes turned on when I come back. I dont lie...I dont hide anything...If one wants to think I dont respect him because I enjoy something he actually does encourage then so be it. I can definately see how it could be viewed by someone else not a party to our relationship. Its not like Im hooking up with random women every week. Once every month or second month there is one woman I see. Before any of this ever occurred I made it clear there is no chance I would find it acceptable for him to do anything outside of our relationship. I made it clear it wouldnt open the door for possibilty to him. I made it clear if he didnt want me to I wouldnt. I feel this is one topic we have always been able to be very open on. It is ehat it is. I dont need it to be happy. I wouldnt be terribly upset without it. Its fun. Thats all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Whattodowiththis (Sep 18, 2011)

I really did not want to high jack this thread...just wanted to add another perspective...thought ppl were being a lil rough on HelloGoodbye. She was looking input. I just wanted to add mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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