# Ever wonder how fast an emotional affair could start?



## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

For those of you who don't already know my story, here's a little background. Married 9 years, have a 3 year old son, I moved to Europe for a new job and to get established for my family's future here, brought my son with me (yea, I'm a single dad right now.) My wife is from Europe and has wanted to move back for the longest time and so did I. Wife is in Nursing school in the states and graduates in December. I'm paying for everything. While away, she met a guy, stayed in a hotel room with him for 3 days, I confronted her, she denied, got defensive, blah blah, we're now separated by choice, here I am.

So, being separated, I went to a club last weekend with a friend of my wife. Two other women went with us and we had a great time. I hit it off with one of the ladies who is 30, like me, "wants" to be separated from her husband and also has a child the same age as mine. We talked, laughed, joked and really related to each other.

Now, mind you, although I'm separated, I really don't have any interest in finding another woman, but I AM putting myself out there because... Just because. I want to meet new people and all I do is tend to my son day after day, which is fine, I love it, but I need to get out sometimes... 

We exchanged numbers. She's Romanian so her English isn't great, but we still understand each other. A week after the club, I get her text. The following conversation via text just happened today, and I want you ALL to see how quickly and emotional affair could start.

Her - Hi! How are you?  A week has passed, HAHA  lets do something with the kids tomorrow, write back or have a nice day.  Greetings, Mona 

Me - I'm good and you? Was it a long 7 days for you?  Do something tomorrow, already? Slooow Dooown  My son is usually a little jerk when I get home from work unless he napped so it's a bit hard for me to plan things ahead with him. Greetings to you!

Her - Yes, there is ONE reason why this week seems so long. I usually wash my face every day, but I didn't want to wash your kiss away. Do you remember?  When do you finish work?  (I gave her the tiniest, friendliest peck on the cheek when I said goodbye which is CUSTOM where I live in Europe.)

Me - Yea, I remember the "friendly" peck on your cheek when saying goodbye. Don't get too excited. I'm usually home by 6pm. Oh and please wash your face more often! 

Her - We have to meet sooner than later! I work daily from 6am to 2pm. It's better to plan because of my child too. I'm not excited, but from the first time I saw you, I immediately recognized that you are a scallywag  Ok, ok, a really CUTE one! 

Me - Mona, thank you, sorry, but you're worrying me because you're married :scratchhead: Will your husband go with us? 

Her - Of course, sorry, I don't mean to make you worry. I thought you understood jokes. I love my family even though we have problems right now (RED FLAG,) I'm just a big joker 

Me - Yea, no problem, just making sure you're being a good girl, which I know you are! I'll message you on Saturday.

Afterwards, no response.

This woman has been married for 10 years, has a child, wants to separate from her husband, and I found all of this out from a mutual friend. My point is, I just experienced how quickly an emotional affair could start if I pursued it further. Trust me, she wants it, and she's very attractive, but I had to squash it fast. Why? Because the very thought of me pursuing her like the OM pursued my wife sickens me. I could never do that to her husband knowing he'd eventually experience what I did. I wish my wife would have done the same when she was approached... Biotch.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

So glad you squashed it and quickly! Wish my husband had done the same thing, but he hadn't experienced the pain of infidelity as you did. Still, I'm going to show him your post tonight. He gets it now (learned the hard way), but it never hurts to remind him how something innocent can quickly cross the line.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

Saffron said:


> So glad you squashed it and quickly! Wish my husband had done the same thing, but he hadn't experienced the pain of infidelity as you did. Still, I'm going to show him your post tonight. He gets it now (learned the hard way), but it never hurts to remind him how something innocent can quickly cross the line.


I hear you. Once that red flag is raised, it's up to the LS to act in a way that a married person should act.. vigilant. My wife completely betrayed me, but when the OW showed her vulnerability, I had to stop because truthfully, I still love my wife and know where this could and WILL lead if I had pursued her. 

I have boundaries when I go out and talk to other women. Boundary number 1: Never talk about my marital problems to a woman I've just met... It just screams "take advantage of my vulnerability." That's exactly where my wife screwed up and flushed our marriage down the toilet.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The 13th_Floor said:


> Boundary number 1: Never talk about my marital problems to a woman I've just met... It just screams "take advantage of my vulnerability." That's exactly where my wife screwed up and flushed our marriage down the toilet.


Your first boundary is a really goo d one and I think when most folks don't do that, that is when they pursue an affair...cause they start offering up intimate details of marital problems. Not the way to go. I know all about that unfortunately.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

You get my "Gentleman of the Year" award! I wish there were more "men" like you out there! I just found out that while I was visiting my wife for Family Week at rehab, I unknowingly & actually sat next to her affair partner (another patient). He seemed so awkward and I didn't know why until last night (14 months later and D-Day #5)


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Yes, especially for those of us who have been or are being betrayed. A woman at the vet gave me a little smile, bit her lip, and acted interested. Wow! In 5 minutes, she made me feel better than my wife has in 13 years. Somedays it is all I can do to not call her. I did call her and ask her out for the night my wife was planning on going to meet her lover. I backed out of the date because I am still married. My wife's trip also did not happen. However, that temptation at times drives me crazy. I am living under the same roof with a woman who has betrayed me even though I have given her 13 years. There is a beautiful woman willing to go out with me that I have never given anything. Which one looks more appealing? I'm not talking about physical beauty. The emotional attraction is extremely strong. That is why we are advised to be very careful of opposite sex relationships for a while.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I don't know why I feel compelled to say this...

Maybe it's like at AA or something where I stand up and say something to help me get it out...

"Hi, my name is Pit... and I'm an emotionally fuc*ked up individual" 

"I opened this thread 3 or 4 times and didn't know what to say, for some reason just reading the "exchange" that was posted JARRED THE SHI*T out of me"

"Reading the married women's texts made me physically nausious, a horrible empty sickness deep in my soul"

"I had to read it twice. Suprisingly the second time buckled my knees worse that the first"

"I tried to reply to the thread twice, I just couldn't"

"I am Pit, I am damaged and scarred"

"God, please give me the strength to heal my wounds". 

"Thank you for listening".


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> "Hi, my name is Pit... and I'm an emotionally fuc*ked up individual"


Hello Pit, my name is Hurting. I see you have ridden that horrible roller coast ride called infidelity. I also couldn't get over the texts of the other woman. It made me wonder if that's how fast my wife was moving with OM. Possibly yours too. I don't think it's possible to ride this roller coaster without becoming an emotionally f'd up individual. Your ride appears to be coming to an end. Mine too probably sooner than later. After the ride is over, we'll both come out stronger and emotionally better than most.

When working out, adding weight (resistance) helps to build larger and stronger muscles. We have had one hell of an emotional workout. Just like pumping iron rips apart the muscles, the affairs have ripped apart our hearts. In order to build mass, you have to rip the muscles apart. When they heal back, they are stronger and bigger than they were before. The harder the workout, the more the pain during and following. However, the harder the workout, the stronger and bigger the muscles end up. We have had the Arnold Schwarzenegger emotional workout. It has hurt like hell. It still hurts like hell. When we come out of it, we'll have Mr. Olympia emotional strength.


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