# Your views please ladies



## ParalysedPrat (Jun 9, 2009)

I'm in trouble - after 11 years of marriage and one child - my wife has told me she doesn't love me, never has and wants a life away from me. So once her elder (my step son) has taken his exams next year she intends to (leave/seperate/divorce I'm not sure which) taking the children with her our daughter (8) and her two boys (13 and 15).

She doesn't want to hurt me - it's nothing I've done - she just wants away from me. (heaven help me if she decides to hurt 'cause this has knocked the stuffing out of me) She's moving out of our bed - well she left last night for an hour or two and then came back... I didn't get much sleep last night.

Is there any hope I can repair this or is it a lost cause?

She's 51 and going through the change if that throws any light on things.

Sorry this rambles a bit but I'm just ever so slightly upset!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

That she says she never has loved you and wants to break up upon her schedule and timing says she is trying to really manipulate the marriage. I would consider maybe moving out...
before her scheduled time that you should...

see how that goes as it may let her gain a new perspective and also save you from a potentially awful decent into her plans where you are chewed up and spit out.
If it were me, I would not wait for her scheduling and move, seperate now. You can always see if you can work things out wheile seperated.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Yeah, going to go out on the proverbial limb here but I would say there is probably someone else or there soon will be. Sounds like she is going not only through menopause but probably some kind of mid-life crises.

She is being manipulative right now and I would guess she will probably start to spin things so that you are somehow responsible for what's going on...that would be another sign that she has someone else in mind...

Make sure you can maintain yourself and provide for the kids and hope for the best.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

my husbands ex wife went through a mid life crisis in her 40's...
she got a bunch of plastic surgery and new friends...
friends who hated him.
She began to stay out late and come home drunk, she moved to the couch to sleep and started stockpiling his money.

Then she had him served for divorce when she was ready, he said he was taken by surprise how well she planned it.
He also said the money she spent for plastic surgery was a waste, she didn't look any different.. lol

After the divorce, she seemed to have some strange ideas about divorce. She expected him to move out but not take anything but his clothing...
she wanted him to take the kids when she wanted to vacation or stay out all weekend...
she wanted him to come over and fix things around the house for her, at his expense and also to give her child support money directly. She was way out there !!!!
He did not comply and she went out for revenge, turning his kids on him, but that only partly worked.
She would even call us after I met my husband and start shyte on the phone, even came over a few times with so called urgent matters... but we put an end to all that by calling the police on her.
She behaves now because she knows we ain't messing around @!


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## ParalysedPrat (Jun 9, 2009)

Bit of a problem about moving out - I'm a paraplegic and the house was designed for my needs!! We're in business together as well, although I also run my own IT company from home. Get's a bit complicated in these circumstances!!

There isn't anyone else at the moment - she doesn't have time - 28 horses 50 sheep 3 dogs 5 cats and 3 children see to that... I just can't do much that's right - her mother did the same thing but hasn't divorced her Dad, just made his life a nightmare. 

Trouble is I still love her just don't like being repeatedly kicked!


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## Anterior (Jun 14, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Is she willing to try counseling? Even if she's still intent on leaving afterwards, it could help mitigate the shock to the kids if she's willing to engage in healthy behaviors instead of acting like some of the other women mentioned.


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## ParalysedPrat (Jun 9, 2009)

I'm not sure whether she'll do counselling - but it's on my list of things to do - It would be whole lot better if she's just treat me as normal. It's the sniping that's so depressing - usually when she's tired - and sleeping on the sofa. Then she can be back to normal laughing and talking happily like nothings happened.

At least I'm making a big effort not to rise to the barbs and I'm going to keep being cheerful, if only for the children. I know I've been down - a friend of ours was diagnosed as depressed - and I looked up the symptoms - scared me rigid - I ticked 10 out of 12 boxes. - so rapidly read the sections on self help and have set about applying them. It's working - haven't got the business sorted - thought I'd got something but a depressing email this morning tested the healing process a bit, but I'm going to straighten myself out. 

If only she'll see it before it's too late.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

I don't want to sound mean here...and I don't know how long you've been paralyzed...but if it's been throughout the marriage or more than half of it...she may just be tired of having to cope and deal with you...

It's not like caring for a spouse who is ill...they will get better...you are confined to a wheelchair and stuck with this burden forever...not everyone is wired to be able to handle the needs and care for someone who is in the state you're in...

She's 51...starting to realize that she's still young and has a lot of life to enjoy and having to deal with a husband who is paralyzed has become more cumbersome than she wants to deal with.

I'm guessing she is having a serious mid-life crises because there are probably a lot of things she wants to do an experience and it's going to be hard for her to do so dragging you along...and in her own messed up way, by telling you that she never loved you and so on...it's a way of avoidance...and trying to not hurt your feelings because you can't help being paralyzed.

Sorry...but the most obvious reasons are often the most difficult.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## ParalysedPrat (Jun 9, 2009)

You may have a good point - but can't she see the damage she's going to do. There are 3 children here and having seen the damage divorce does once I've no intentions of repeating it. Alright if they were adult different ball game - I'd just have to accept it much as I love her - and if it makes her happy let her go...


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Well, sometimes the greater good isn't in staying because of the children...that's a very tired and old argument and doesn't hold much water anymore...it's more damaging to the kids to stay within the confines of a marriage that is broken than to actually deal with and move on from a divorce...

It would be more healthy for the kids not to have to live like they are now...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## ParalysedPrat (Jun 9, 2009)

Depends on whether the're aware of the state of play or not. The oldest remarked "Oops Mum's in mood - she'll get over it..." when Mum started off "I want out of here... ". 

I remember my Mum doing the same thing and actually walking out for about 4 hours. The fact I remember shows that it does affect the children...


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