# Friction and penial 'toughness'



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ok so here goes. This is extremely embarrassing to talk about but I know the men of TAM will come with sex answers everyday of the week.

I'll start with my husband has a hard time talking about sex, I tried yesterday to make it open and comfortable and I tried listening and I tried asking leading questions. For the first time he admitted he gets anxiety talking about sex and that trying to explain it to me made him more uncomfortable. He doesn't seem to mind if I say hey I'd like to try anal but if I ask him about his fantasies or what he likes or how he wants to be touched is when he seems to get anxious. 

TLDR: Don't respond with ask your husband, it isn't helpful 

Ok here's the novel. Yesterday we had sex and I went on top cause his back has been acting up. Then shortly after I get some oral and started riding again. Then a little later when I just grazed his penis in the shower with butt he backed up and said sorry it's just a little sensitive right now. He tried to explain it was overly stimulated (flacid). Now I try to take that at face value but it hasn't really happened much before. I was wondering about why now?

Here were some of my thoughts let me know what you think.
We normally use lube but I was wet and it slipped in easily so I didn't lube. But it does provide more friction and stimulation when using natural lube versus regular lube. So maybe it was too much friction? 

We don't normally go back to back like that cause between our being out of shape and 50 he can't really orgasm a second time so it just kinda goes and then peters out and isn't as much fun as the first go. Usually we wait about 4 hours or more between sessions. We have done 3 in one day in the not too distant future but it was breakfast, lunch, dinner. So could it just be too much in a short time? Just overloaded sensations?

It is possible he just was worried I wanted to go a 3rd time and wasn't up for it. But I think he'd just tell me.

And I'm sure there are other possibilities that I hadn't thought of.

I'd like to narrow down what might be happening because I kinda like no lube when already wet. I kinda like back to back. But I would never want to 'hurt' him.

So if it is too much friction, how long before it would feel better?

Ok that was really hard. Be kind and helpful.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

It's probably as simple as the tip of the penis is very sensitive for a while after sex. If you do oral on him and he finishes, does he stop you shortly after he ejaculates? I don't think there's a problem here.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The answer is: It depends.
Sometimes I can go multiple times a day plus masturbate and sometimes one sexual encounter is all I can handle. Sensitivity can be an issue... if it’s too much than it’s just too much.... especially directly on the head.

I understand you might like multiple rounds. Try to get one via oral before PIV or have him use a vibrator if y’all are into toys. They are VERY effective for my wife.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Oh he's very helpful and not too shy for toys. But I prefer his penis. We just were never the multiple in a day (before a few years ago) so I never really have had the back to back like that. I did enjoy it. I wouldn't mind trying to figure out how to make it happen more often  Again that is difficult do to other issues.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sfort said:


> It's probably as simple as the tip of the penis is very sensitive for a while after sex. If you do oral on him and he finishes, does he stop you shortly after he ejaculates? I don't think there's a problem here.


I don't usually have him finish with oral. One when he starts to get near the end his penis swells where it doesn't fit well in my mouth. Second he and I prefer PIV.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

a little lube can go a long way.
If you rub your penis the wrong way, it can be painful for a full day afterward.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Multiple in a day? I'd need a new partner to get multiple in a week. But way back in the dusty corners of my memory, I recall being beaten to a pulp by GirlPower for thinking I knew anything about a penis, so I ain't answering.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> a little lube can go a long way.
> If you rub your penis the wrong way, it can be painful for a full day afterward.


Thank you for your thought

what exactly do you mean wrong? We had PIV sex with natural fluids running down my leg TMI? But I know my natural fluid isn't as slick as lube lube. So are you saying wrong way like just too much or that I may have ridden him wrong?

He orgasmed and of course never said anything about sensitive until the shower. There are times when he or I will say hey grab the lube. Our default mode is a little lube. But there are times either of us will stop in the middle and get a little more. So do you think he needed some and didn't speak up or that I rode him wrong? 

I guess I'd like you to expound on wrong


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

So how do the men of TAM who claim they get oral then go again do it?
Just built different?

or build up sensitivity over time?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> So how do the men of TAM who claim they get oral then go again do it?
> Just built different?
> 
> or build up sensitivity over time?


If he orgasmed, he's just built different, at least for a while. The most I've done in a day is three. I did two different partners in one day (at different times), and I could have done another two, but that was really unusual. The motivation was intense.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sfort said:


> If he orgasmed, he's just built different, at least for a while. The most I've done in a day is three. I did two different partners in one day (at different times), and I could have done another two, but that was really unusual. The motivation was intense.


he orgasmed. within 15 minutes i used oral to resurrect and go again. Then 10 minutes we were in the shower.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> he orgasmed. within 15 minutes i used oral to resurrect and go again. Then 10 minutes we were in the shower.


Sounds like a good time. I still don't see a problem. How old are you and he?


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I have always been able to go multiple times in a day. Need about 30 minutes between sessions to recover. Most I have done is 4 times in one day. Not bragging just saying if I can do it as an early 50s guy, I bet many guys can if they want to.

Oral or intercourse doesn't seem to make a difference to me.

If we had sex more often I could give you better stats.

So in your case not sure why but maybe he was just sore? Or just wasn't in the mood?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sfort said:


> Sounds like a good time. I still don't see a problem. How old are you and he?


50 but if you tell anyone I'll deny it.

No it was a good time and he isn't complaining LOL. But since he doesn't communicate well about sex and now has expressed anxiety I thought I could get some more info here. I don't think I"ve ever had a man where we did two in one day except my husband. I have been more openly pursuing him for a few years and I don't want him to feel bad if he can't keep up with what I"m willing to do. Once he had some trouble getting hard but it was a week we did it 10 times. I was worried. TAM told me to give him a break. So I did and didn't worry about it.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I have always been able to go multiple times in a day. Need about 30 minutes between sessions to recover. Most I have done is 4 times in one day. Not bragging just saying if I can do it as an early 50s guy, I bet many guys can if they want to.
> 
> Oral or intercourse doesn't seem to make a difference to me.
> 
> ...


I'm thinking sore since he said it was sensitive but how much does it take to get it sore? Is it the natural lube verus lube?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I think your thinking about this WAY TOO MUCH. Your searching for some kind of meaning in it. It doesn’t mean anything except it was sensitive at that time on that day....nothing more.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Question us all day, question him rarely. 

Don't make him feel inadequate. 
You already know this, stated this.

Riding a man cowboy really puts the boots to that little head.
Peyronie owes it's woes and its curves to hard power shifting and hard pounding.
From either partner, or both!

A penis can break.
It ain't glass, but it also ain't iron.

I get it, a slightly dryer VJ follows better the pumping motion.
There is that slight pulling sensation, in and out.
Both experiencing this.

Friction is a savior here, too much a sander.

Lucky he, lucky you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Question us all day, question him rarely.
> 
> Don't make him feel inadequate.
> You already know this, stated this.
> ...


thank you Sun

FWIW it wasn't cowboy. So none of the bending back stuff.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> I think your thinking about this WAY TOO MUCH. Your searching for some kind of meaning in it. It doesn’t mean anything except it was sensitive at that time on that day....nothing more.


LOL. I get that. I'm not like worried. But some things can be fixed like I can use regular lube even though it felt better without it. But if it is just too soon I can't fix that. If oral makes things too sensitive I can fix that but if it is just sex in general I can't fix that.

When I say fix. I'm not saying it's broken. I'm saying I wouldn't mind a Saturday in bed with nothing but back to back sex. We all have to have goals


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

When you say he said it was overly stimulated are you sure that meant painful or is it sensitive ticklish? I doubt is was sore, maybe a little but not enough to make him recoil. Now if things we very dry then with chafing, painful would make more sense but you would be in just as much pain if that were the case. The ticklish sensitive is more likely. That usually only last a little while so it should be a problem for multiple rounds. 

If you enjoy going multiple rounds I suggest you do what my wife does and stay on the attack. There have been times when she has only let me out of bed to rehydrate. Exhausting but fun. Just make sure he is clear that you want more because you're enjoying it so much not because he didn't "get the job done" in round 1, or 2, or 3.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Anastasia6 

I do not think it was "natural juices vs lube" that caused the sensitivity, but rather just that this particular time, the second time resulted in feeling sensitive afterward.

I am a female person, so I have no penis to tell you about (lol!) but I'm in your same age range. There have been occasions where we 'do what we do' and it's been just REALLY sensitive at the end. For example, not "rug burn" sensitive, but the nerves are really jumping and touching it feels like an electric shock. So if sensitive = rug burn, I'd say maybe a better word would be VERY stimulated. In addition, I've found this to be the case after a particularly stimulating round...so again, maybe a more accurate word would be "so stimulated it feels sensitive." Make sense?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> 50 but if you tell anyone I'll deny it.
> 
> No it was a good time and he isn't complaining LOL. But since he doesn't communicate well about sex and now has expressed anxiety I thought I could get some more info here. I don't think I"ve ever had a man where we did two in one day except my husband. I have been more openly pursuing him for a few years and I don't want him to feel bad if he can't keep up with what I"m willing to do. Once he had some trouble getting hard but it was a week we did it 10 times. I was worried. TAM told me to give him a break. So I did and didn't worry about it.


He's done and in the shower ten minutes after you start oral on him fifteen minutes after the last fireworks. That's awesome. Not many guys can do that. I'm beginning to think you're bragging.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sfort said:


> He's done and in the shower ten minutes after you start oral on him fifteen minutes after the last fireworks. That's awesome. Not many guys can do that. I'm beginning to think you're bragging.


No I don't know how to explain better
foreplay - oral but not to completion
Sex - girl on top
very small break 
I start oral just teasing fun kind a thing from flacid to full erect. 
Sex girl on top.
10 minute rest
shower - sensitive.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

happyhusband0005 said:


> When you say he said it was overly stimulated are you sure that meant painful or is it sensitive ticklish? I doubt is was sore, maybe a little but not enough to make him recoil. Now if things we very dry then with chafing, painful would make more sense but you would be in just as much pain if that were the case. The ticklish sensitive is more likely. That usually only last a little while so it should be a problem for multiple rounds.
> 
> If you enjoy going multiple rounds I suggest you do what my wife does and stay on the attack. There have been times when she has only let me out of bed to rehydrate. Exhausting but fun. Just make sure he is clear that you want more because you're enjoying it so much not because he didn't "get the job done" in round 1, or 2, or 3.


Yes he knows I came. But I do worry that he thinks it isn't enough because of him. We talk about those things. I make sure to tell him when things are done well. That day was very well done indeed. Which is why I would have liked more.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> No I don't know how to explain better
> foreplay - oral but not to completion
> Sex - girl on top
> very small break
> ...


Any woman that likes multiple rounds is a success in my book! I think you did just fine. Keep it up (literally!)


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> No I don't know how to explain better
> foreplay - oral but not to completion
> Sex - girl on top
> very small break
> ...


I followed. Good job!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ok so I feel like I haven't explained things well.


Sfort said:


> I followed. Good job!


So you were saying not many men could do it that fast? back to back


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anastasia6 said:


> So if it is too much friction, how long before it would feel better?


In my opinion extra friction tends to leave things feeling a bit numbed afterwards. So my instinct is that friction may not even be the issue. 

It sounds as if the two of you are having really great sex and sometimes often. If that is the case sustaining a high level of arousal with an erection for an extended period of time (45 minutes to an hour) combined with a powerful orgasm (or close to it) more than once a day can leave the equipment feeling rather sensitive afterwards. 

A topic you might find enjoyable to read about is "POT" or "post orgasm torture" which is a technique where men are overstimulated after an orgasm (immediately or shortly thereafter). I'm not exactly sure what makes this sensation overwhelming, but the male body produces hormones after orgasm that blocks testosterone (and subsequently arousal). What would normally feel extremely good tends to feel extremely ticklish, uncomfortable or overwhelming. The male body can maintain an erection and even orgasm again under these circumstances, but it can actually be uncomfortable. 

My recommendation would be to play around with the notion of your husband trying to completely relax when he has an orgasm after prolonged arousal. If he can do this it tends to minimize the refractory hormones and allows him to continue enjoying sexual pleasure. In some internet discussions this would be known as a "ruined orgasm" in which ejaculation and the pleasure of orgasm occurs but there are no contractions that trigger a refractory period. If done correctly he can ejaculate multiple times and continue having sex until he gets tired. Unfortunately one awkward side effect is that he may become temporarily anorgasmic with the continued drive of feeling he needs an orgasm. However since the body has nothing left to ejaculate the equipment is left waiting for things to replenish before one can orgasm and experience the blissful end to sexual pleasure. 

Generally speaking I have almost come to enjoy the refractory period of sex just as much as everything else. Some claim it is the equivalent of taking a valium. For me after a good orgasm, I feel as if my body has melted away and that I kind of float through the rest of my day in a state of fulfilled bliss. 

My point being is that if you play around with this, it is a catch 22! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Threads like this, drive many, mad and crazy, many just jealous.

Those that want, sexually paired to those that don't.

This is not the case here.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> Ok so I feel like I haven't explained things well.
> 
> So you were saying not many men could do it that fast? back to back


Correct. It takes a while to recover. Unless your husband is in a special category, such as the guy who had sex with my old girlfriend eight times the first night she ever had sex, he will need a break.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Threads like this, drive many, mad and crazy, many just jealous.
> 
> Those that want, sexually paired to those that don't.
> 
> This is not the case here.


No that isn't the case here. We are sexually paired great in the respect we have always accepted what the other can offer whether that is one a month or 2 times a day. We are the opposite of don't ever turn your spouse down. We are don't ever get upset if your spouse doesn't feel like it. So when we do have sex which for many years has been a lot there certainly were times when we didn't.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sfort said:


> Correct. It takes a while to recover. Unless your husband is in a special category, such as the guy who had sex with my old girlfriend eight times the first night she ever had sex, he will need a break.


Thank you for continuing to answer me. I mean I know about refractory periods. and like I said we usually wait at least 4 hours. BUT you read men on here giving advice that if you want to last longer get a BJ and then have sex.
I assumed they didn't mean wait 4 hours after oral to have sex. 

And like I said it isn't a problem so much as wanting to know more.

My husband is open to talking to me about lots of sex stuff but there are things he shies away from. If it involves his pleasure he doesn't want to talk much. But if it is general stuff like what toy should we get, or use or such he's very accomadating.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Caroline_F said:


> Maybe both you and your partner should get some help, what about online courses? They're anonymous. I can recommend The Sexfulness #1 Sex School with video tutorials. Discover sex like never before
> They have pretty good courses on communicating sexual desires, maybe it'll be helpful for you, too


Well I might take that course but my husband of 27 years is uncomfortable talking about his desires and I love him enough to respect his boundary for now. If I never had sex again I'd still be happily married. So it isn't really a problem.

But I do appreciate other men who are willing to talk about it so I might be able to understand from a man's perspective.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> Thank you for continuing to answer me...And like I said it isn't a problem so much as wanting to know more.


It's a two-way street. I'm older than you are, and I have MANY questions I'd love to ask, but they'd get me kicked off here. Not really, but you know what I mean. Your questions are helpful and appreciated!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sfort said:


> It's a two-way street. I'm older than you are, and I have MANY questions I'd love to ask, but they'd get me kicked off here. Not really, but you know what I mean. Your questions are helpful and appreciated!


Well you can ask. It's my thread. I may not answer but I wouldn't be offended. We are strangers on the internet.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well you can ask. It's my thread. I may not answer but I wouldn't be offended. We are strangers on the internet.


You have been very forthcoming with answers and information. That's awesome. I was referring more to questions about my own relationships. Some of the questions are too painful to ask publicly, even on the anonymous website. I had a bad experience on another site trying to get answers. Some of the guys who answered were pretty inconsiderate. It's good to see that some of my issues are shared by others here, so I'm patiently waiting for them to ask similar questions.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> No I don't know how to explain better
> foreplay - oral but not to completion
> Sex - girl on top
> very small break
> ...



i can tell you that there are times when my penis is highly sensitive and other times i can keep going, meaning be touched and played with....honestly it just depends, but the only correlation i have found is if my have not touched for a day or so it can be very sanative...when was the last time he used it with you or through masturbation.

PS lucky guy


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> Thank you for your thought
> 
> what exactly do you mean wrong? We had PIV sex with natural fluids running down my leg TMI? But I know my natural fluid isn't as slick as lube lube. So are you saying wrong way like just too much or that I may have ridden him wrong?
> 
> ...


I'm sure did everything right. I'd bet if the higher frequency continues he'll be more and more comfortable with the higher number of encounters. 

The positive is that health wise it's good for a person and as time goes by with the whole staying positive, his self confidence and comfort in talking about sex will grow.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Oh well. I figure I got nothing to lose. 

Me and my husband know each other well. We are each others best friends. We have the best marriage and relationship I know when looking around and talking with others. 

But I was still shocked yesterday when he admitted anxiety over our sex talk. 

I have noticed that he doesn't talk about his pleasure. Since he orgasms I didn't think too much about it. But I've made sex more of a hobby lately and wanted to know about what makes him happier, what he might fantasize about and such. That's the part that gave him anxiety and then he said trying to explain why it gave him anxiety only made it worse so I stopped. 

So as good as our relationship is I am still finding new things.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> i can tell you that there are times when my penis is highly sensitive and other times i can keep going, meaning be touched and played with....honestly it just depends, but the only correlation i have found is if my have not touched for a day or so it can be very sanative...when was the last time he used it with you or through masturbation.
> 
> PS lucky guy


Of he gets used frequently. Maybe 2 days. He doesn't masturbate.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Unless is TMI, after you bring up anal and have a good round of same, he'll think every other sex topic will be a piece of cake. 😉🙂🙂


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm sure did everything right. I'd bet if the higher frequency continues he'll be more and more comfortable with the higher number of encounters.
> 
> The positive is that health wise it's good for a person and as time goes by with the whole staying positive, his self confidence and comfort in talking about sex will grow.


Appreciate the advice but I'm not sure the whole as time goes by thing. We have been having sex 5-10 times a week for many years.

Or do you mean keep trying to double up right after and he'll get used to that?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Unless is TMI, after you bring up anal and have a good round of same, he'll think every other sex topic will be a piece of cake. 😉🙂🙂


We already bridged the anal several years ago at my request. Thing is I'm the driver apparently. I mean he isn't a stone cold pillar of salt. But he just doesn't talk about himself much and is down for whatever I want.

We still do anal occasionally he'll throw me a bone.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I think you're doing everything exactly right, communicating, and physically. Approaching new sexual freedoms now there's time and opportunity as a hobby is a super approach. 

It was somewhat the other way around for us, years ago, but with consistency and affectionate, humor at times, appreciation of new opportunities, it seemed speed bumps got worn down and talking about sex got so much easier. Now talking about anything sexual is wide open.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Yes. I would think that if asked right after double sex what ones fantasy sex date would look like. No trap. With me how would it start, what would i do or what would you do? You might think he could easily say. 
You'd be wearing x and then you'd *____* 

Nope that is hard for him. Not sure why. Like you said after anal, toys and such what could be hard. I just know it is so I will mostly likely not push. We been talking more for a few years but looking back it is almost never focused on him. I may ask if he liked something after and he might say yes or it was ok type thing.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Anastasia6 said:


> Yes. I would think that if asked right after double sex what ones fantasy sex date would look like. No trap. With me how would it start, what would i do or what would you do? You might think he could easily say.
> You'd be wearing x and then you'd *____*
> 
> Nope that is hard for him. Not sure why. Like you said after anal, toys and such what could be hard. I just know it is so I will mostly likely not push. We been talking more for a few years but looking back it is almost never focused on him. I may ask if he liked something after and he might say yes or it was ok type thing.


This is an interesting side topic. I have a similar spouse. Over the years her willingness and even ability to talk about it have gone from 75% to nearly 0. I've wondered if I just didn't respond well or if she is having some latent guilt, or if . . . . . Well I don't know. Something is different. It's a gaping hole in our relationship, and I don't understand how you can stand it.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Mr. Nail said:


> This is an interesting side topic. I have a similar spouse. Over the years her willingness and even ability to talk about it have gone from 75% to nearly 0. I've wondered if I just didn't respond well or if she is having some latent guilt, or if . . . . . Well I don't know. Something is different. It's a gaping hole in our relationship, and I don't understand how you can stand it.


Ha. Well it isn't a matter of 'standing it'. I love my husband and accept him as he is. We are different. 
He simply doesn't want to. Ok. Would I love to figure out how to get him to be more comfortable, yes.

I have a great husband, a great sex life, a great life. I feel guilty sometimes about how good I have it. If that means that I have to accept he isn't comfortable telling me his sexual fantasies that isn't hard to accept. I mean he is only shooting himself in the foot. I can't cater to his every whim if I don't know what they are. I do try to find things to please him but it doesn't bother me in the way you are saying.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> Multiple in a day? I'd need a new partner to get multiple in a week. But way back in the dusty corners of my memory, I recall being beaten to a pulp by GirlPower for thinking I knew anything about a penis, so I ain't answering.


Wait what? Lol


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> Wait what? Lol


Ah, good you are here, Now we can get an authoritative answer.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Anastasia6 said:


> he orgasmed. within 15 minutes i used oral to resurrect and go again. Then 10 minutes we were in the shower.


Could be if you brushed the head of his penis with your ass cheek in the shower. Skin with out a lubricant, sliding across a hyper sensitized penis head is alot of sensation quick! Sensory overload so to speak.

Kind of same if you stradled his leg lightly and moved in a way your clitoris slid down his thigh without lubricant. Penis head has alot of nerves that sense friction...just like the clitoris.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> No I don't know how to explain better
> foreplay - oral but not to completion
> Sex - girl on top
> very small break
> ...


Hmm. I know some guys get sensitive after. For me it is almost the opposite now and I am almost your age.

If I try to immediately go again and don’t have EQ issues then I will basically not be able to have one and at that point if you keep going and going yeah you can get sensitivity issues. That has happened to me maybe once in the last four months.

As for lube I doubt that’s the issue. Natural vs synthetic probably also not an issue.

One thing that might be an issue is if he is also masturbating.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Surprised nobody's suggested a different type of lube? Or maybe I've missed that.

I've found nothing better than Coconut Oil as lube. Even using it is a bit exciting as it melts in your hands (melting temp is 78 degrees), so your partner can apply it and it's pretty cool how it melts in the process. It's also really good for avoiding rug burns, without being too slippery. My wife really likes it. Natural lube works great after she's orgasmed through oral, but any other time, coconut oil makes it happen.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Casual Observer said:


> Surprised nobody's suggested a different type of lube? Or maybe I've missed that.
> 
> I've found nothing better than Coconut Oil as lube. Even using it is a bit exciting as it melts in your hands (melting temp is 78 degrees), so your partner can apply it and it's pretty cool how it melts in the process. It's also really good for avoiding rug burns, without being too slippery. My wife really likes it. Natural lube works great after she's orgasmed through oral, but any other time, coconut oil makes it happen.


It's not the lube. We use one call lulu and like it a lot.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Surprised nobody's suggested a different type of lube? Or maybe I've missed that.
> 
> I've found nothing better than Coconut Oil as lube. Even using it is a bit exciting as it melts in your hands (melting temp is 78 degrees), so your partner can apply it and it's pretty cool how it melts in the process. It's also really good for avoiding rug burns, without being too slippery. My wife really likes it. Natural lube works great after she's orgasmed through oral, but any other time, coconut oil makes it happen.


That and CBD oil work very well.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Anastasia6 said:


> Thank you for your thought
> 
> what exactly do you mean wrong? We had PIV sex with natural fluids running down my leg TMI? But I know my natural fluid isn't as slick as lube lube. So are you saying wrong way like just too much or that I may have ridden him wrong?
> 
> I guess I'd like you to expound on wrong


i am not sure i can explain it, but some times...it just gets too intense.
maybe he is pounding way too hard to cum, and in the heat of the moment does not realize he is doing some superficial damage to it...and then for the next couple of days goes "OUCH!" everytime you touch it?

its a little like playing with nipples to make a person cum...it feels great that moment. but the next day you put your shirt on and its "OUCH!" all over again!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

This thread is a great opportunity for the women to do some girl-splaining


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> This thread is a great opportunity for the women to do some girl-splaining


I guess if you have a question....

But I actually set it up for man-splaining.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> I guess if you have a question....
> 
> But I actually set it up for man-splaining.


It’s a poorly executed joke. The guys on this forum (myself included) tend to man-splain female sex stuff so here’s a chance for the ladies to do the same 😜


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Well now that I get it. It’s hilarious. Cause the guys do try to man-splain everything including how a woman feels.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It takes a lot to make me that sensitive but it does happen and I'm usually sore the next morning.

I've heard there are desensitizing lotions or gels that might help him not only last a bit longer but should help him with being too sensitive after some vigorous activity.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> It takes a lot to make me that sensitive but it does happen and I'm usually sore the next morning.
> 
> I've heard there are desensitizing lotions or gels that might help him not only last a bit longer but should help him with being too sensitive after some vigorous activity.


Gotta be careful with those. I tried Promiscent spray. On the bottle it says use 3 to start. I used 2. I couldn’t feel anything down there for half an hour. Could have probably hit it with a hammer.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> Gotta be careful with those. I tried Promiscent spray. On the bottle it says use 3 to start. I used 2. I couldn’t feel anything down there for half an hour. Could have probably hit it with a hammer.


😳😱


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> Gotta be careful with those. I tried Promiscent spray. On the bottle it says use 3 to start. I used 2. I couldn’t feel anything down there for half an hour. Could have probably hit it with a hammer.


Well that doesn't really sound good now does it.

I might have a desire for the first time around lasting a bit longer but I don't think so. I mean I feel awful if he doesn't get to orgasm. He has some physical issues with his back, hip and legs that crop up so if it were stretched out then he might get a cramp before he finished. Also I'm not always into longer just depends on what spot your hitting LOL. He sometimes does this thing where he can 'stop' it but then it often does build for him and he can’t orgasm. I've asked him to not do the stop it thing. 

I usually don't like to be on top either. I find it hard to have a great orgasm up there. I really like him to be the driver. I also find I can't really pound on top and sometimes I want a really good pounding. For me there is a scale of orgasms. If you say from 1 to 10 on top is like a 2 for me. He often times gives me a 8-10 other ways.
But that day I was hitting the g spot from on top and if was feeling good hence the double on top part. Plus I was trying to save his back for a good pounding later that night  It was altruistic.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Damn! Mrs CCP go to when she wants one is on top in the driver’s seat. Second possibility is from side but use hands and or toys.

Could be everyone is different. Anyway if you want a pounding might be worth trying that spray I could go for a long time with a couple sprays.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> Damn! Mrs CCP go to when she wants one is on top in the driver’s seat. Second possibility is from side but use hands and or toys.
> 
> Could be everyone is different. Anyway if you want a pounding might be worth trying that spray I could go for a long time with a couple sprays.


 yes everyone is definitely different if she prefers on top. And you couldn't go a long time if you had a herniated disc in your back. That's why I say I don't want that. If I over use it then I lose it for days.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> yes everyone is definitely different if she prefers on top. And you couldn't go a long time if you had a herniated disc in your back. That's why I say I don't want that. If I over use it then I lose it for days.


New possibility for us unlocked yesterday via the Liberator wedge, ended up getting her in a couple minutes. Funny how you can still be figuring things out after 20 years.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> New possibility for us unlocked yesterday via the Liberator wedge, ended up getting her in a couple minutes. Funny how you can still be figuring things out after 20 years.


we have a wedge and enjoy it. We also have the ramp and the ese and the platform.


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## Rivercat (Dec 4, 2019)

In my experience the harder the orgasm the more potential for soreness especially if my partner was really into it at the time and had orgasmed and put extra pressure on it. Like others said the head is sensitive anyway and I’m sure the older you get the worse this becomes a problem. I also have this issue where if I begin to come hard and then something happens like it falls out or she changes angle or something hinders the intensity of the orgasm not all of it comes out and I get this painful blue balls effect that hurts for a couple hours. 

Im guessing that he just isnt into anal especially after 2 or 3 rounds and when u rubbed ur butt on him that was his way of politely letting you down. Im sure if u take charge and put it in on the first round he would at least go along once. And then u could shower for more piv if wanted. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

LOL I rub my butt on him lots of time that isn't for anal. Sometimes isn't even for sex. It's like him grabbing a breast. He usually likes it. It was just sensitive.

And no he isn't that into anal.

And he doesn't have to 'let me down'. He knows it is ok to say I'm done or not now. We both feel comfortable turning each other down.


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## Rivercat (Dec 4, 2019)

As others had said sensitivity is perfectly normal once in awhile especially at the rate y’all are going. Im jealous or envious? as I’m sure others are too. Whats the details of you and your husbands situation if you don’t mind us asking? Obviously you are in good physical shape for your age. Do you have children that are grown and left the nest? Did you always have this level of drive even when children were in the home or did it come with the empty nest? Any hormone problems that are being corrected? You have to give us Fathers hope or some tips on how to get to where y’all are now. 

Id do anything for every day or every other day single round sex with my wife if she had openness and determination and made it a hobby and priority like you do, we have 4 daughters 4-11yo and minimal dates cause our parents live away and are incompatible with our lifestyle so that makes it understandably difficult and overwhelming. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Rivercat said:


> As others had said sensitivity is perfectly normal once in awhile especially at the rate y’all are going. Im jealous or envious? as I’m sure others are too. Whats the details of you and your husbands situation if you don’t mind us asking? Obviously you are in good physical shape for your age. Do you have children that are grown and left the nest? Did you always have this level of drive even when children were in the home or did it come with the empty nest? Any hormone problems that are being corrected? You have to give us Fathers hope or some tips on how to get to where y’all are now.
> 
> Id do anything for every day or every other day single round sex with my wife if she had openness and determination and made it a hobby and priority like you do, we have 4 daughters 4-11yo and minimal dates cause our parents live away and are incompatible with our lifestyle so that makes it understandably difficult and overwhelming.
> 
> ...


Well hate to burst you bubble. I'm old. We aren't in shape that is one of our problems. My first post on TAM was asking about sex swings because we thought that might make somethings easier. Never found one that did the trick for us.

We have been married 27 years. We have a 22 year old. Sometime a while back as I exited Mommy mode maybe about 7 years ago or more. I rediscovered our sexuality. Fifty shades of Grey helped (that's a long story but men don't really seem to understand that and always get mixed up so I'll skip it). 

Yes we had sex during the child years but not this much. We have a sublime marriage. Sure the outside world has given us ups and downs but we don't fight and still love being around each other. We put our marriage first above all other things. Us against the world. This set him up for a bonanza at this point. As I started that mid-life reflection phase, I realized just how much I love him and how he's been the man of my dreams (which I knew when I married him). 

We have great communication. But the one area we don't communicate much in is sex. So I started trying to open that up. You could have knocked me down with a feather when I asked if all things were ideal what frequency of sex would he like and he answered daily. He never initiated daily or indicated that ever. I laughed because I had wanted a higher frequency but I also didn't initiate. I was a little old fashion there and wanted my husband to initiate. 

Well that kinda was the start of my 'hobby'. I realized if we were going to get better in this arena I might have to be the one to explore. As I opened up this area he has joined in. Each Christmas/ Valentines I now get a new toy or something as a present. It's spiraled from there.

My husband actually 'earned' this time in our lives. All people are emotional and have baggage. I am overwhelmed with love and sexual affection whenever I think of my husband. He makes me coffee everyday. My love language is acts of service. I always laugh when the men of TAM talk about dishes won't get you sex. Let me tell you for me dishes, coffee, and generally making my life easier makes me want to **** him so hard. 

He also has done things I can never undo or change. When my daughter was born she was premature and in the hospital for a few extra days, came home on a bilirubin light and I came home with stitches from uncontrolled tearing during birth and a doctor who took the 'extra husband' stitch. I was in pain. First time we tried to have sex which was probably 2 months after the baby was born I made him stop. It hurt. I was in pain and honestly I didn't even think of his 'sexual' discomfort. He didn't say anything. He also continued to be a loving husband and father. 

No pouting no *****ing. I did 'catch' him masturbating and I simply said if you want a live girl I'll be in the bedroom.
I don't know how long we didn't have sex or sexual encounters with a sick baby and my obvious problems but it was a while. Eventually I decided the only way for this to get better was to stretch it out. So I had painful sex for about a year. I just stopped letting him know if was painful because then he wouldn't have done it. MY point...

We have always accepted each other the way we are. Whether that is highly sexual or not at all. His unwavering love and acts of commitment have made me feel so loved and secure that now as I'm older and reflect on our life I just want to have sex all the time. Also the 'hobby' has made me orgasm in ways I never did before and was afraid to communicate before.

Should you be hopeful, maybe. I have always enjoyed sex with my husband but no it hasn't always been 2 or 3 a day. In fact even when we were dating and in the new stage we didn't do 2 a day. I'm not on any hormone replacement or anything. I am pre-menopausal or menopausal not sure. I'd be sure to communicate with your wife and to also be accepting. I don't know if my lightening can be captured because it's been a lifetime in the making.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

oh no empty nest the 22 year old is here as well as my Mother In Law.

Also don't be shy you can ask any questions you want. I don't mind answering questions but not sure it will help you or others. I just know I cringe at some of the advice given out here. I also am not like most women so it might not be helpful at all for your wife.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

LOL typing out how good my husband is made me so horny I had to have sex for lunch. Kind a love the pandemic in that way. We both work from home.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> LOL typing out how good my husband is made me so horny I had to have sex for lunch. Kind a love the pandemic in that way. We both work from home.


Haha nice.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

@Anastasia6 ...while I acknowledge there are many marriages/relationships here that I consider respectful, loving, and healthy, I seem to have clicked on threads this visit whereby certain negative behavior of what is posted can feel a bit dismaying. Then I read your longer post in this thread and it was refreshing to read. Thank you for sharing this.

And the moral of the story is, coffee for the win!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Yep I know several of the guys probably think what a lucky husband I have. And ok he is. But I can assure you they wouldn't want me for a wife. In my youth I was young, attractive, vivacious, large breasted, small waist and I had many guys who wanted to date. I actually had quite a few that wanted to marry. I was smart enough and messed up enough not to marry any of them. 

I actually matured and then I met my husband I knew right away what I wanted and he was it.

Time has not changed that. There are not many men that probably could've lasted through the years because some many of them never accepted me for me. I am smart, I'm loud, I'm not girly and I like my guy to pay attention to me alot.
Now I'm older; I'm also old, overweight, still smart, still loud and still like my guy to pay attention to me a lot.

My husband healed many of my emotional wounds simply by accepting me for me. I do the same for him. He has his own wounds. 

I remember the first valentines he bought me roses at $84 and I just about had a cow because we didn't really have that kind of money. We were living at my mom's. Other women would have fawned and loved it. 

My love language is acts of service and it is one of the things that attracted me and still does to my husband he is a kind considerate man who love performing acts of service. It clicks.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anastasia6 said:


> I mean I feel awful if he doesn't get to orgasm.


THAT

...is how many men feel when/if they discover that their wives might have arousal difficulty. This can then create performance anxiety even for those that are very active multiple times a day that an orgasm is mandatory. It creates an awkward dynamic where sex becomes performance driven with frustrating expectations as opposed to something that is more free, spontaneous, and enjoyable.

I would encourage you to explore more one-sided sessions and challenge yourselves to play around with that dynamic a little where all the focus is on one and not the other.

There is an old saying that it is better to give than to receive. In my opinion that statement is flawed. Emotionally speaking it can be challenging to enjoy receiving something knowing that you do not need to give anything back in return. The reality is you do give a tremendous amount back in allowing the one giving pleasure to know that you enjoy it. Thus it is better to give than to receive. The one that gives actually gets more.

Seems so backwards. But that opens a whole new dynamic realm of pleasure if you BOTH learn to take turns playing with one-sided sessions.

Regards,
Badsanta


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

badsanta said:


> THAT
> 
> ...is how many men feel when/if they discover that their wives might have arousal difficulty. This can then create performance anxiety even for those that are very active multiple times a day that an orgasm is mandatory. It creates an awkward dynamic where sex becomes performance driven with frustrating expectations as opposed to something that is more free, spontaneous, and enjoyable.
> 
> ...


I agree these things can be challenging. It took me a long time to accept inequality within our bedroom. In the beginning of the relationship I sometimes faked it because I knew he wanted to please me and sometimes / often times it wasn't working for me. I didn't know what I needed for it to work anyway. Then later when we started figuring out what did work. I felt guilty that it might take 20 minutes for things to work for me but only 5 for him. It seemed like too much work for him. Now that sometimes he needs more work I have a better understanding. 

We both like it better when things are we each get an orgasm. I mean who doesn't. But that is something that doesn't bother us. We accept that this time it may not happen for one or the other or both.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

+1 to that it is easy for me to tell if my wife wants to try to have one or not.

I think I hit on the magic combo for her where if she’s wanting to try for one she is pretty much guaranteed once PIV starts and fast like 2-3 minutes. Last night she was going too like maybe 20-30 seconds which I seldom see. I was deeply satisfied by this and also somewhat jealous. I wish I could pull off a 30s orgasm although I wouldn’t want to have to clean up that mess.

It has taken a bunch of trial and error and ultimately equipment to get to that point.

She enjoys giving more than receiving. One way receiving she is just not into at all I think again there might be a vulnerability thing there.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Anastasia6 said:


> ........ He has some physical issues with his back, hip and legs that crop up so if it were stretched out then he might get a cramp before he finished....
> 
> .....I usually don't like to be on top either. I find it hard to have a great orgasm up there. I really like him to be the driver. I also find I can't really pound on top and sometimes I want a really good pounding. .....
> 
> But that day I was hitting the g spot from on top and if was feeling good hence the double on top part. Plus I was trying to save his back for a good pounding later that night  It was altruistic.


A few thoughts to share. Sometimes a Vitamin B-12 deficiency can lead to leg cramps.

A problem I have rarely (but it does happen) after very vigorous sex with my wife, is that the area near the frenhlum will tear. Because of the endorphins, I don't know it has happened until afterwards. So in the shower his recoiling could have been pain. Yes, it is a real thing.

Medical treatment for a frenulum tear

Finally, as to talking about sex with your H. Have you ever tried a "Yes/No/Maybe List?" It allows him to answer in private and then the two of you exchange lists and see what are both "yes" items. Then you can discuss "one yes and one maybe" items. Then get to both maybe items. It is a way to open up topics you might not normally discuss and ask about boundaries and reasons.

You sound like you are doing fine and probably just want lots of feed back. If he really doesn't like to talk, you might want to read Sue Johnson's Book Hold Me Tight. She believes that good marriages and bad marriages both communicate about as well. The real difference is the amount of intimacy and emotional connection.


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