# Why am I unapproachable?



## Confusedme5 (Dec 19, 2010)

So I have been going out to bars and clubs with my girlfriends a lot for the past few months and I very rarely get approached by men. I would consider myself and my girlfriends attractive, in fact a few of them seem to get asked for their numbers nearly every time we go out but it doesn't seem to happen for me. Am I giving off a "don't talk to me vibe"? Why am I so unapproachable?


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Have a look at your girlfriends who men are approaching and see if you can notice if their behaviour is any different to yours. Is there something they are doing that you are not?


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Body language. You go out and focus on your girlfriend you give off a not here to meet up vibe. You should talk to your girls, but look around the bar. Find a guy your interested in and try to get his eye contact. A good looking woman making eye contact, and having a pleasant or playful facial expression will get his interest. 

My guess is that guys try making eye contact with you, and you react dismissively, or you sit arms or legs crossed in what comes across as an aggressive or defensive manner. Or your default facial expression is mean or disdainful. 

Mens thought process in a bar.

1) Girls? Yes. Three. Who is the prettiest one I have a chance with? 

2) OK, looks friendly. Nice smile. Oh, arms crossed. Cold or uncomfortable because she is not available? No, she is looking around. Prob just cold then.

3) Who's she with? Ah, not good. her friend looks like a librarian. she will try to block me. Still worth going? They are having too much fun. Prob don't want to get interrupted. 

Thats how we think


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

It's in the body language.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Are you actually interested in talking to a man, or are you interested in being approached by a man? There is a difference. You need to smile and be confident that you are not going to let him do anything you would not like him to do and to put him in his place if he says anything you would not like him to say. If you do not know how to do this, a man will hesitate to approach you because it doesn't look like a safe place to play. Also, you need to understand that it is a bar or whatever venue. So if you talk to one man and are pleasant and smile whether or not you're interested in him, if you decide you're not interested, then have a game plan to let him know that so that you can be available to talk to others. Keep conversation light. Here is not the place to form a bond, just to check out people and get numbers or say you'll be there next week or whenever. Never give your number out, always take the man's number. There are reasons beyond safety. If you give a number out, then the guy will keep an eye on you the rest of the night, then good luck getting the interest of another guy or getting a date with the first guy if he sees you give your number to someone else. Or if you have numbers and go out and not getting any interest or it is boring you can call and see if they will come and bring some friends to liven up the night for a while. (For a while, not a booty call after the club.) If you're dancing, dance with the dorky/geeky guys too. It's about fun. Those guys are paying customers, if you are a gracious customer, then the bouncers will be your friend and if you run into trouble with anyone they will help out. Gosh, it has been quite a long time since my clubbing days. If you go to the same club often sometimes the bouncers will dance with you or come around and chat you up to get you started. Or send some guys your way. Of course it is business for the bar/club, but that's the way the business works. Go to the same club the same night of the week around the same time. But not too often. Some guys need more time. Or they are there on a date, but if they see something they like they'll go back same time same day of week to see if you're there. 

Also you need to move around. If you sit too long you get stale.
Too much of a commitment for a guy who is clubbing to get sucked into keeping you company (babysitting) the rest of the night. If you look like too much work, you probably are, at least as far as clubbing goes. Clubbing is about fun. It is really not about meeting your long lost soul mate. After work clubbing is a different story, especially in the big cities in financial/business/political districts. I'm guessing that is not what you're doing though. It's a whole different ball game then.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Have you asked your home girls and wing girls? They must have a clue. Unless you're way hotter than they are and think you're a beotch they might know.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Have you asked your home girls and wing girls? They must have a clue. Unless you're way hotter than they are and think you're a beotch they might know.


LOL, I had one roommate in college (rented her a room in my condo) who'd insist to go out clubbing with me and then tell guys bad things about me, or worse take phone messages (that I never got). She didn't stay my roommate for very long, she was nuts. Met her family, figured out why. Road trip from h*ll. I think she just wanted a ride in my Camaro. Even in the days of cheap gas. Sigh. Classic b*tch. Claimed she missed her sorority sisters, I went on leave and came back and she had photos of them all over my living room, which was also rearranged. Um, no, you are renting a room, put your sistahs in your room where they belong. No shrine allowed in the common area. 

So yah, consider changing it up who you go clubbing with, see if you get different results. You just never know...


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Don't wait on a guy to pick you out, you pick him out. Find the one you like, then zero in. Approach him. If you are shy find out what he is drinking. Get the waitress to take him the drink, be sure she lets him know it is from you. That gives him the green light.

I promise that guy will come over. Worked every time for me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Maybe you need to ugly-up a little. Some women are just so pretty they're intimidating.


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## wktorreador (Jun 18, 2011)

4sure said:


> Don't wait on a guy to pick you out, you pick him out. Find the one you like, then zero in. Approach him. If you are shy find out what he is drinking. Get the waitress to take him the drink, be sure she lets him know it is from you. That gives him the green light.
> 
> I promise that guy will come over. Worked every time for me.


Thissssssssssssssss

You will have so much success


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

I don't know that going to the bar is going to get you good dates. Depends on the type of bar, really. If you want to be a cougar, sure you can approach the guy, but you'll be setting a standard for initiation on your side. Just be aware of that.


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## jsgrl925ws (Aug 27, 2011)

Maybe you're being reserved with your personality and not being your real self? Loosen up a little bit and show your real personality and people should be able to take to it!


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I had this problem, and asked guy friends all the time what the deal was. Girls are hard to approach in groups, because they risk not only being rejected by you but the audience factor of your friends watching it happen. Basic scenario for me would be I'm out having a good time with my friends, no one approaches, but if I stepped away from them and walked across a room, let's say to the bathroom, then I'd get smiled at or winked at or a "hello". It took me awhile to soften up my body language (which for so long said I was married) to be more open. I'm confident, for sure, and that might come off as intimidating. You have to learn to start the flirting across the room if you have your eye on someone as well. Good luck. It's a hard world out there!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

What everyone said is correct; you must look approachable, must be alone, and must not be cold, be friendly, happy, and warm. But not too warm or you'll scare the bejesus outta him.

But sometimes the guy just ain't interested, and it can do with many things, like; how are you with your friends? how do you talk? how do you carry yourself? how do you act? etc etc...


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