# What am I supposed to do now?



## ale.sweetie (Aug 22, 2017)

Hello


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Get an annulment. You should never marry someone whom you haven't been around for at least 2 or 3 years first, so that you can see them in good times and bad times. That's how you learn if you're compatible. And you obviously aren't. If this is as good/nice as he is NOW, during your supposed honeymoon period (first couple years of marriage), just think how poorly he's going to treat you 5 years down the road. 

Of course, it's important to ask yourself if he is even partially right about you starting fights. Go to a therapist and describe the situations honestly (don't make yourself look good if it's not true), and ask the therapist if you have a problem.


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## ale.sweetie (Aug 22, 2017)

When I have something bad to say about him and start saying, he consider this as starting an argument. I am not fighting, I just want to say my word on different things I don't like it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He told you early on he didn't want you 'arguing.' Meaning, he didn't want to hear anything bad about himself. Too bad so sad - then stop doing things you have to complain about.

You two are not compatible and if you DO stay together you need to be going to therapy. There, you will learn how to navigate his dysfunction.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

ale.sweetie said:


> Hello all,
> 
> I'll try to make this simple. We got engaged after 5 months of being together and we married this July (together we have 1 year and a half).
> 
> ...


Well, you got engaged and married far too quickly to have gotten to know each other well enough, and now it appears that neither of you is committed to making it work.

I'd say you should both apologize for jumping the gun, politely wish each other a good life, divorce, and spend 5 or so years figuring out how to do relationships.


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## ale.sweetie (Aug 22, 2017)

i want to make this work, but i can't apologize every time and making myself responsible for the things he is doing..i want him to stop giving me the silent treatment..i am fed up apologizing just to make things work..and he just stare and waits


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ale.sweetie said:


> When I have something bad to say about him and start saying, he consider this as starting an argument. I am not fighting, I just want to say my word on different things I don't like it.


I do not like a lot of things about my spouse. But, I zip my lip.

For SunCMars to zip his lip and be silent is a miracle, right?

No, I pick my battles. I AM patient....until I am not.

God gave you a mouth. He did not intend for you to use it at every moment.

If you are constantly criticizing him.....you are a Nag...

And you are not suitable for a marriage with ANY man.

Zip you lips.....the upper set only.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Read this:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/archi...signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

DO you constantly criticize him?


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## ale.sweetie (Aug 22, 2017)

i am not constantly criticize him and not ALWAYS tell him what i don't like about him..i say to him when I can't anymore or I have something that really disturb me..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then understand that he is dysfunctional and you are not compatible and he will only get worse - and get out!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

So, in the beginning he was the "perfect" guy, yet you found things to criticize him over? That doesnt make sense. Sounds to me like you are not nice to him, so why dont you just let the poor guy go? I understand that some people cannot take criticism, but NO ONE likes to be yelled at and harassed.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ale.sweetie said:


> i want to make this work, but i can't apologize every time and making myself responsible for the things he is doing..i want him to stop giving me the silent treatment..i am fed up apologizing just to make things work..and he just stare and waits


He was counting 111111? Does this man have OCD or something?


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Please trust me on this: Leave him!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ale.sweetie said:


> When I have something bad to say about him and start saying, he consider this as starting an argument. I am not fighting, I just want to say my word on different things I don't like it.


The two of you have no idea what a marriage is supposed to look like. A lot of couples struggle in the first year of marriage. So here's something that you can try.....

Get the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs" (see the links in my signature block below). Read them. Do the work. 

Then ask him to read them with you and the two of you do the work together.

If things are not better in 6 months, this marriage is not going to work. Re-evaluate every 6 months.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ale.sweetie said:


> i am not constantly criticize him and not ALWAYS tell him what i don't like about him..i say to him when I can't anymore or I have something that really disturb me..


Uh, huh....

You softened your image to cushion the blows directed at you. To deflect the criticisms offered up.... by us.

No Sir, no Ma'am, I only criticize him on important issues.

And 'likely" everything is important to you. I read your first post.

You were honest then.

We are here to help you...not to knock you down.

Lighten up. Lighten your views on men and life. Go easy on him. See what happens. It may take awhile.

Likely he is "conditioned" to walk on eggshells around you. Or, he snaps at you before you make your point; because he thinks you are going to "nail him" on some trivial issue.

His job is to be one half of your marriage. To bring in funds, to help around the house and to help with the needs of the children. And his job is to please you in the bedroom, as best as he can. And he should take you out for dinners, and to do together, other activities that you enjoy doing. 

His job is not to be your sounding board, your verbal punching bag, your' means to de-stress and dump on him.

If he does these moderately well or better, your job is to reward him with kindness and affection.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ale.sweetie said:


> Hello all,
> 
> I'll try to make this simple. We got engaged after 5 months of being together and we married this July (together we have 1 year and a half).
> 
> ...


 @ale.sweetie

So, he was the perfect lover, but you were more indifferent at first, and after six months you started to get attached to him? 

So, you married someone who loved you, but whom you didn't love.

And you are always ready to tell him when he is wrong.

:slap:

Your grammar and word use indicates that English is not your first language? 

If so, where are you both from? Are their cultural differences that might be the cause of some of these problems?

Incidentally, why would he have been repeating the number one as in 1 1 1 1 1? And why did he get upset?

Depending on where you are in the world, counselling might well be an option.

Can you please give me a rough idea as to which country you ar? This is because I can tailor ideas for help to your specific country.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What constitutes an argument? Raising your voice? Disagreeing? Demanding something? Be more specific.


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