# Newlywed on the breaking point



## Newlyalone1320 (Mar 5, 2012)

I am a newly wed wife with a husband that I am at my breaking point with. My husband works full time and is also in the national guard (only 1 weekend a month) and I work 2 jobs, go to school full time and am required to clean and cook in the house hold. Now we are only 22 yrs old and I feel as if I have failed in my marriage. We have only been married 7 months and we do nothing but fight. We fight about him not wanting sex, him keeping secrets from me, him not pulling his weight around the house, me not making as much as him, him not waiting to see my family but i have to attend all his family gatherings, ect. All i ask is for him to give me a hand with the dishes, take out the trash and make sure the clothes make it into the dirty laundry hamper. Because we are both so busy i ask per night for 30mins of uninterupted time with him and he tells me its a chore to be with me. His friends call up and he goes out, but when i ask to go out he tells me my ideas are stupid or that he doesnt wanna be around me. I feel like my marriage is over before it even has a chance to start. I am crying while writing this at the thought of how i have failed.....


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Newlyalone1320 said:


> I am a newly wed wife with a husband that I am at my breaking point with. My husband works full time and is also in the national guard (only 1 weekend a month) and I work 2 jobs, go to school full time and am required to clean and cook in the house hold. Now we are only 22 yrs old and I feel as if I have failed in my marriage. We have only been married 7 months and we do nothing but fight. We fight about him not wanting sex, him keeping secrets from me, him not pulling his weight around the house, me not making as much as him, him not waiting to see my family but i have to attend all his family gatherings, ect. All i ask is for him to give me a hand with the dishes, take out the trash and make sure the clothes make it into the dirty laundry hamper. Because we are both so busy i ask per night for 30mins of uninterupted time with him and he tells me its a chore to be with me. His friends call up and he goes out, but when i ask to go out he tells me my ideas are stupid or that he doesnt wanna be around me. I feel like my marriage is over before it even has a chance to start. I am crying while writing this at the thought of how i have failed.....


We should get married i think we would be a good fit, haha. But seriously, my wife doesnt lift a finger around the house, works none stop, we see her family EVERYDAY yet the once every few months i want to visit my family she acts like its the most painful task in the world. She has no desire for sex, its been once a month the entire 1.5 years weve been married, i was always under the impressions newlyweds couldnt keep their hands off each other. like when i tell my friends i cant go out they makes jokes about how we're too busy having sex to go out, i laugh but on the inside i want to cry. I too wish my wife would spend 30 min talking to me but most nights i cant even wake her from the couch to walk up a flight of stairs to go to bed let alone have a meaningful conversation.... *sigh* ill stop complaining.

But i would recommend going out with him when he goes out with his buddies, no reason you shouldnt be allowed to tag along. normally women can use sex to get what they want but in your case he doesnt seem to want it. i would recommend some couples therapy and if he isnt willing to go that might give you a clue as to how much he cares and how much effort hes willing to put into your marriage.

Whatever you do just make sure you dont make any furthur commitments like, getting pets, buying a home or having kids. none of these things will fix your problems, infact the will only make them worse and will make getting divorced that much more complicated if it eventually comes to that. If you have any specific questions give me a shout, im basically a few steps ahead of you in a similar situation maybe i can help.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

First year of marriage is usually pretty hard. It is two people learning how to co-exist. His mother probably did everything for him growing up and he is assuming you are going to take that roll. 

That is not a partnership, that is a parental roll, and you are not his parent. Marriage is not about who does more and who does what, it is more about two people loving one another for who they are.

Partnership... Give and take... This is a lesson I do not believe your husband knows yet. I didn't at first, but I learned. You all need to go to MC and learn how to communicate a bit better. 

But I tell you, the first year of marriage is sometimes hell with many good years to follow...


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## Newlyalone1320 (Mar 5, 2012)

He refuses to go to counceling and instists that it is my fault that he is they way he is. Video games rule his life and don't get me wrong I spend time with my friends. But I didn't get married to spend my love life alone.
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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi Newlyalone Sorry You are here as others have said the first year is the hardest and you 2 have a lot going on I would seriously have a good talk with your husband and set some boundaries If he refuses to adhere then i would suggest taking it to the next level like separation or D. Life is too short to not be with someone that will meet your needs. Was he this way when yall first started going out ? or did he change once he felt comfortable in your relationship ? being M can be hard and difficult at times, on the other hand it can be really rewarding If he refuses to help i would seriously consider alternatives jmo 
Good Luck


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## Newlyalone1320 (Mar 5, 2012)

He wasn't like this til about a month be4 our wedding. Once we got married he started saying that he didn't feel he needed to try to keep a relationship strong and that we only need to spend time together when we go to bed. Iv read a lot of books and they all say to have a date night or have 30 mins a day. Idk I just can't live life miserable and feeling alone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Yes yr rite a date nite is great also you need time when y'all can spend time together
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

You have to wake him up or leave him. Do it now.


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