# Have you found



## proudwidaddy

Guys,
This is going to be a crazy question, I'm not there yet but my divorce will be final in May.

So I've been romanticizing about the sexual life I had with my wife the last 11 years (I'm 34), and I worry that I won't have it better in the future.

Have you found that what you thought you had, is no where as good as what you have now?


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## diwali123

HELL NO!!!! It was great having sex with someone without all the burdens and baggage attached. I didn't have to worry about us getting in a fight before, during or after. 
My new husband is much better in bed, our love and relationship is much stronger and I don't have to worry about a passive aggressive man trying to sabotage our pleasure. 
My ex wasn't bad in bed at all, just brought a lot of baggage with him. I am
more attracted to my new husband too. 
I think you'll find the excitement of being with someone new is going to be great when you are ready. 
I went through a very ****ty phase post divorce which I now kind of regret but damn it was fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

proudwidaddy said:


> Have you found that what you thought you had, is no where as good as what you have now?


I can't compare sine I haven't sexied with anyone since then but I imagine, as with all new relationships, it's great when it does happen (or not so great). The thing is, life goes on and we learn new ways tolove and enjoy sexy time lol.


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## 1dayatatime

I'm not currently involved but I can tell you that the first sexual relations after the ex was an eye opener. how nice it is to have sex because you want to and not because your partner wants to.


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## Lon

P&W, yes there is good sex out there in your future, maybe some bad sex too but even bad sex can sometimes be good, plus there is also some REALLY GREAT sex in your future too. Even when things may get akward or not go like you want to (ie porno stamina and hardness) when you find someone that enjoys you as much as you enjoy her (and women in their 30's tend to LOVE sex more so then young girls) it will feel very satisfying again. You will realize that what you have now is simply the memories of a few really good times with someone from your ancient past, so go enjoy making some new memories.


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## goincrazy

I've only had one intimate encounter since my divorce, and it was with someone I have a very intense attraction to. My ex never wanted to have sex and when we did, it was not good. He was very selfish and quick in bed. As soon as he was done, that was it. He didn't want foreplay (unless it was oral on him). He could not have cared less if I had an orgasm or not. It was sex, but it wasn't intimate at all. He was more involved with internet porn than his wife. I could not imagine this being my only sexual partner for the rest of my life. I longed for kisses, intimacy, and someone who wanted me so badly that he ripped my clothes off.

Well, it was worth the wait. It was wonderful to have someone want me so badly that he couldn't hold himself back. To be kissed passionately and to feel desired...I am so glad that I didn't go the rest of my life without that. Hopefully there is more to come soon!!!!


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## that_girl

Lon said:


> P&W, yes there is good sex out there in your future, maybe some bad sex too but even bad sex can sometimes be good, plus there is also some REALLY GREAT sex in your future too. Even when things may get akward or not go like you want to (ie porno stamina and hardness) when you find someone that enjoys you as much as you enjoy her (and women in their 30's tend to LOVE sex more so then young girls) it will feel very satisfying again. You will realize that what you have now is simply the memories of a few really good times with someone from your ancient past, so go enjoy making some new memories.


Just be careful not to make any new kids. Ok? Don't be silly, cover your willy.


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## proudwidaddy

I just can't get past how weird it was that towards the end of my marriage my stbxw was craving sex more, was more adventurous, dressed up for me, I always made sure she orgasmed before me (I know once guys are done they are done). Even five days after she gave me the divorce speech we had sex, I mean really what is that about?


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## goincrazy

proudwidaddy said:


> I just can't get past how weird it was that towards the end of my marriage my stbxw was craving sex more, was more adventurous, dressed up for me, I always made sure she orgasmed before me (I know once guys are done they are done). Even five days after she gave me the divorce speech we had sex, I mean really what is that about?


I can't help you there. That is a mystery. My ex-h's idea of sex was him waking up in the middle of the night with an erection and pressing himself against me to wake me up. Then he wanted to get it on with no foreplay, lasted for about 2 minutes, and I was left tired and orgasmless. What's up with that, lol?


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## proudwidaddy

Man I loved foreplay, going down on her, passionately kissing each other, walking around the house grabbing each other's butts. Oh well, her loss.


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## goincrazy

Don't worry, someone will appreciate it!!! Go figure...I have a high sex drive and I love sports. Surely, a nice handsome man will appreciate that! LOL!


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## ing

Well.. i have only had "sexy time" with two other women since the end of married sexy time [love "sexy time"]

The first lovely lady was a lot younger and with that a lot less inhibited than my wife. My reaction was shock. She was much more open and gave more. I mean emotionally. Smutty buggers..

Skip to current GF... about the same age and while not model material she is the sexiest woman on the planet. S
She worked on me to remove my protective shell which I did not even know I had. 
Sexy time is amazing with her way better than with the Ex.


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## Shooboomafoo

I wonder if my ex thinks her new man is better. Probably so. I imagine everything about him is so much better than I was. Hearing some of yall talk, made me imagine it coming from my ex's mouth. Hearing people talk about their new SO, sort of puts me in a funky process. On one hand, I am the ex, so nothing about me is considered good at this point, and with a new man in her life as primary focus... (why do I care?)
On the other hand I want someone too. The thought of standing in line at a bar to bag some lady that was there the night before, and the night before that,,,, hmmm... no thanks.


I want to see love in a womans eyes. Love for me, a desire for me beyond the bedroom, or for a lousy fk after a few beers...


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## diwali123

It will happen when it's time. It's unfair that one person gets to happily move on while the other is left alone. Just take your time. You sound like you're in a lot of pain and it's going to take time to work through. In every divorce there are things both people did wrong. I don't know your whole situation but maybe therapy would help. My second husband was deeply upset when his ex left him. He was do depressed he could barely function. They were separated living in the same house and she really had no reason for wanting to leave. 
He got into therapy and it changed his life. He realized that he had been unhappy for a long time, that she had been controlling him, and he learned so much about himself that helped him to move on and get to the point where he was emotionally ready to be in a new relationship. 
He didn't even end up dating anyone but me. He tried, but it never worked out. 
I think his ex is the stupidest woman on the planet. This man is so amazing. All I can do is thank God that she left him. 
I hope one day you are able to see how stupid your ex is for leaving you, and you find a woman who appreciates you. It just takes time. He was so upset because she started sleeping around and dating right away, ended up in a relationship six months after they separated. He couldn't find anyone.
And now again I thank god he didn't because I get to be married to the most amazing man who is everything I ever wanted. 
Life and time have a way of giving you perspective. I bet a year from now you'll see things completely differently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123

Also don't worry so much about what she thinks because first of all you won't ever know. Second, your versions of events are of course going to be different. In the end it doesn't matter. My husband thought he had a good sex life with his ex but now he sees it consisted of him trying to get her off and if it didn't happen she would get mad at him. And now he's with a multi-orasmic woman who wants it every other day and squirts, who is open to lots of things he was afraid to talk about with his ex. I know it's hard but try to move yourself in the direction of looking forward not backward once you are able to get over the grieving process.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

that_girl said:


> Don't be silly, cover your willy.


:rofl:


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## PBear

To steal an expression... If what I had with my wife was "sex", they should think up a new word for what I have with my GF, cause it's nothing like "sex". And this is at age 44. Even in my 20's, our sex life was nothing like this.

Of course, that's likely because the sex-life in my marriage wasn't all I would have wished for. I have no romantic notions of that. 

C


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## Jellybeans

I generally think that the sex gets better with the person you are currently with. 

One generally tends to enjoy their current relationship compared to their last one much better. 

Such is life. 

Proud, what I am saying is, you are going to have off-the-wall amazing sex with your new piece, when you get to that point.

Your welcome.


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## Lon

JB, same goes for you


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## ing

Shooboomafoo said:


> I want to see love in a womans eyes. Love for me, a desire for me beyond the bedroom, or for a lousy fk after a few beers...


Well get out there dude! I use Internet dating. You can screen out all the desperate s and married women before you meet them.
Shoo. Your hot property.. Your CV is brilliant. Married then though no fault of own was dumped by she-devil. Has a daughter and shared custody. 
That says GOOD GUY all over it.
GF and i are carefully building love. We have already done the three days in bed bit. Now on to building a strange and different relationship that is considerate of the other small people in our lives while making small plans. I have small hopes now.


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## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> JB, same goes for you


It's an exciting thought!  (When I do cross that bridge lol)


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## madaboutlove

JB, whenever you want to! Get out there


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## nice777guy

At this point, I think I'd be happy to have some bad sex!

Think I'll put that on my bucket list. Can't remember sex ever being actually bad...


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## julia71

Have to concur... I'm LOVING it with the new guy. 

Whatever the heck that was with the STBX....... just doesn't even come close to comparing to this. One real good reason why is that THIS guy VALUES me and makes me feel cared for. And I'm so dang hot for him, that when we DO hit the bed... watch out!! HAHAHA! Who knew sex at 40 would be the best ever?


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## Shoeguy

I agree with what I think the underlining current is on this thread. New sex life is definately better than the old sex life.


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## angelpixie

I really hope you are all right. The one thing I thought for sure we had going for us was good sex. He was a good lover, and used to tell me I was, too. I always felt really lucky that I'd found someone with same level of openness to new things, etc., even though we had an age difference. (I'm older than he is) We continued to have sex after he said he wanted to split (still lived together) because we still enjoyed it and knew each other was safe, etc. Then suddenly a year ago this month, he totally rejected me like I had leprosy. No sex, not even kisses, no explanation. I still don't know what the he11 happened, and he won't talk. It was just over. And the last time before that was amazing. Has totally left me off-balance as to how I see myself even after all this time. Now he says he hasn't found me attractive for years. So, is he lying now to support his decision and absolutely oblivious to how this hurts me? Or is he telling the truth now, and was cruelly lying to me for years just to use me as a warm place to put his d!ck while he thought of OW? Either way, it hurts like crazy, and makes the idea of trusting someone else *really really* difficult. I have lost weight, gotten a new wardrobe and a new attitude, but I'm still over 40 with the 'laugh lines,'  and other battle scars from having a child & being over the hill. He's the only man I've been with (we were together 14 years), so I really have no practice in this whole dating thing. But I really don't want to live like a nun, either. I know it takes time, but I have no idea how to even meet anyone. I can't actually believe it's been a whole year without sex! I guess I can live without it if I have to, but that just makes me very sad...


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## nice777guy

You "over the hill" ladies have imagination and EXPERIENCE!!!

Be patient - but don't sell yourself short because of a couple of numbers...(age?)...


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## that_girl

Sex with my older daughter's father was horrible. I was so scarred by that mess. So manipulative and NOT intimate. Ew.

Sex with hubs is AMAZING. Actually, my sex partners (not many) got better each time and Hubs blew my socks off. lol. He's incredible. Had to marry him.


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## angelpixie

that_girl said:


> Just be careful not to make any new kids. Ok? Don't be silly, cover your willy.


One of my proudest 'achievements' with STBXH: he got the vasectomy instead of me getting my tubes tied when we (I) decided not to have more kids. :smthumbup: Gives me great comfort now to know that he will not be bringing any more little ones into the world that he can screw over like I fear he will our son.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

angelpixie said:


> One of my proudest 'achievements' with STBXH: he got the vasectomy instead of me getting my tubes tied when we (I) decided not to have more kids. :smthumbup: Gives me great comfort now to know that he will not be bringing any more little ones into the world that he can screw over like I fear he will our son.


I got fixed because as my wife put it, "It's not like we'll ever get divorced". I don't think it can be easily reversed, so I'm screwed if i meet someone who wants kids.


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## angelpixie

To clarify, when I say I decided not to have more kids, it's not because I didn't want to. I wanted a big family, and before we got married, he said he did, too. I could just see the writing on the wall that STBXH was far too concerned with what he had to sacrifice with his career because he already had one child. Broke my heart, actually.

Allthegood: even if it can't be reversed, there is always adoption.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

angelpixie said:


> To clarify, when I say I decided not to have more kids, it's not because I didn't want to. I wanted a big family, and before we got married, he said he did, too. I could just see the writing on the wall that STBXH was far too concerned with what he had to sacrifice with his career because he already had one child. Broke my heart, actually.
> 
> Allthegood: even if it can't be reversed, there is always adoption.



It's not the same to me.


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