# frustrated, angry, bored out of my mind and quite honestly horny as hell



## tjm80 (Jul 6, 2013)

I don’t know where to start. I love my husband; for the most part we get along and have fun. In the bedroom is a different story. We got together in the beginning of March 2010. Everything was great. Once we started having sex that was great as well. We moved fast but we had known each other, friend wise, since high school. In September 2010 he asked me to have a baby with him. He asked me to marry him in October 2010, we found out I was pregnant in December 2010. We got married April 2011. It seemed like the second we got married things went downhill, like he quit trying. 

Sex is the biggest thing right now. He says I want to have sex too much and it isn’t normal. I want to know how he is ok with MAYBE once a week. To top it off it lasts, if I am lucky, five minutes and is always the same. I have tried everything to turn him on and spice things up. I get so frustrated and angry and I know that only makes it worse. 

His friends joke saying they will never get married because that when she will stop having sex, I think they got that backwards. Everything has crossed my mind from an affair to divorce. Masturbation only gets you so far and I am miserable. I need a physical relationship. I am way too young to not be having sex. To make matters worse he has gained about 30 lbs since we first got together and to be quite honest I wouldn't care except I am afraid that maybe part of his problem. I have tried to get him to work out with me but he just wants to sit and watch TV. I am frustrated, angry, bored out of my mind and quite honestly horny as hell.


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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

Time for him to get the testosterone levels checked. There is probably nothing you can do if things are clicking for him chemically. He could be fearful that more than once a week might result in a "failure to launch". So he could be incorrectly putting it back on you by telling you that you want it too much when in reality he is just fearful of hearing you whisper the dreaded phrase "don't worry it happens to lots of guys". 

I am speaking from experience BTW and I had a mysterious crash in my T levels brought on from some chemical exposure in my work environment. I suddenly started putting on belly fat, feeling fatigued, low libido and even though I increased my workouts and dieted by doctor just said "its part of getting older." But when we had trouble getting pregnant my wife's OB had me go in to get my levels checked and they were drastically low. I now take a prescription and it was 180 degree turn and I feel like myself again. Have him go in and see a urologist.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, get his T levels checked first. 

If that's not it then you have a problem. Marriage counseling is probably the next step. Find one who is a sex therapist. If that does not work... you have a decision to make.


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

Print your post and hand it to him, I am sure this will wake his ass up...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, is that a picture of you and your husband in your avatar? Maybe it's just me, but if my wife was airing our problems on an anonymous message board, I sure as hell wouldn't want my picture out there - especially if my wife is telling everyone that I'm the problem.

Yep, husband is not normal if the two of you are young. Check the T levels, see if he's depressed, maybe his sleep habits are screwed up due to the kid or work, stress at work, stress being a new husband and having to maintain a house, etc... Bottom line is that if it's not hormonal, maybe he's overwhelmed and doesn't know how to handle everything yet.


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## tjm80 (Jul 6, 2013)

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## tjm80 (Jul 6, 2013)

Thank you everyone! I had thought of his levels but figured be was too young. I will have to find a tactful way of bringing it up. As far as work goes he owns his own company and works for himself. I know that can be stressful but he seems to enjoy the freedom it allows him. Trust me, I have told him everything in this post and more. He just says that there is more to a relationship than sex and if I would leave over it that basically just makes me pathetic. He is right there is more, much more, but when sex is absent it doesnt feel like it . 

I dread going to bed with him sometimes. Last night i didn't go up until 1:30am and i am up and ready. He went to bed at 10:00pm and is still sleeping. It 9:25 am now. Our energy levels are so different. Which causes problems itself because he likes to take naps and I wish there were more hours in a day. 

Thanks for the avatar advice. I didnt even think about it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Sleeping 12 hours? Owns his own business? I'm wondering about depression or exhaustion. And stress. I own a business and all of these can come into play for me.


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## tjm80 (Jul 6, 2013)

I guess that is possible. I'm a partner in my mother's company and I don't feel tbose things but she does take the brunt of all the hard stuff still. Its hard to get him to talk about things like that and then I just start thinking its me. Maybe we could benefit from a counselor. Though I know he won't like it.
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## glen1957 (Jul 6, 2013)

Tjm80. My story is below, it took a long time but I told my wife two weeks ago to get help or I do not know what is going to happen. I love her so much I hope see hurries. 
I have been married for 14 years. My wife is one of the nicest people you ever what to meet. When I met my wife I know she was what I always wanted, beautiful, smart, big heart and…SMOKEN HOT. We both had many past partners, she actually has more then I. That first two years she wanted it all the time and I always am happy to oblige. She would take me by the hand and lead me to paradise, I mention thongs 
and the next thing I know she is wearing them all the time. She still does and shaves. It was my dream, we played more ways then I could remember. When she got on top look out, UN real. This woman actual initiated anal sex. It was only once but no other woman had ever guided me there. She told me before we wed, She found what she was looking for and this is her words “I wanted to find the best **** I could and marry him” and she did, me. 
Well two months into our marriage I was praying for her to want sex. I still am. I have told her my feelings many times and lately, things are improving, we have sex once a week most of the time. But she only gets into it maybe 1 out of 10 times. Often she’ll lay there making no sound or movement. When she does this I mostly stop and try to go to sleep. Most of the time I can’t and either put it back in just to come or I masturbate. When she does loosen up, I typically have to work on her for an hour to get her excited enough for love making. I love this woman and she married me to take her places no other man can. I love making a women come. It’s my special purpose. 
I’m going crazy, I need some hot sex. I have asked her, just once a month pertend you want it, it doesn’t happen. How do I get my wife to grab me and lead me to a treat?
It’s breaking my heart and she seams not to care about our state of intimacy.
After much though and I spoke to her about it, I believe this it what changed our sex life. A few weeks after our marriage my wife decided to clean my car. She fond a pair of nice panties in the car that were not hers. She asked me about it and at first I had no clue. After much detective work I found out my 8 year old daughter needed them after going home with my family to spend the night on our wedding day. I have never been unfaithful to my wife. I think at the moment she found the panties she lost trust in me and has not been able to find it since. Or is it just moving in together killed it for her. I do know this was a problem with her husband before me


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

tjm80 said:


> I guess that is possible. I'm a partner in my mother's company and I don't feel tbose things but she does take the brunt of all the hard stuff still. Its hard to get him to talk about things like that and then I just start thinking its me. Maybe we could benefit from a counselor. Though I know he won't like it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He may not like it, but I'm sure he'd prefer that over a "Honey, I want a divorce" talk...

C


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

TJM, what was his upbringing like? He is either depressed or living out what he learned about marriage/relationships when he was young.


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## tjm80 (Jul 6, 2013)

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## tjm80 (Jul 6, 2013)

Glen1957: I understand your paid. I thought I had the whole package too. Hopefully we both get back!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tjm80 (Jul 6, 2013)

jay1365 said:


> TJM, what was his upbringing like? He is either depressed or living out what he learned about marriage/relationships when he was young.


His parents are very different from mine. They aren't as social, his dad is very much man of the house and his mother does all the so called woman things. It very 1950's. You never see any lovey stuff between them. He is so different from his dad. Thank God! I couldn't be married to him if be was. I hope its not that.
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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

tjm80 said:


> His parents are very different from mine. They aren't as social, his dad is very much man of the house and his mother does all the so called woman things. It very 1950's. You never see any lovey stuff between them. He is so different from his dad. Thank God! I couldn't be married to him if be was. I hope its not that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh dear, reading that gave me shiver, in a bad way. Sounds exactly like my ex's parents. I love them but wow what an awful life they have. Looks OK from the outside, money, kids, travel etc but when I really got to know them it was clear they were not in love, they simply existed because people of their generation and peers did not get divorced.
My ex is also very different from his dad but that doesn't mean anything because we still ended up living a parallel life to his parents, it happened slowly.

I ended my marriage over 3 years ago, we were together almost 20 years. We started with good sex, it dwindled but I just kept living life, kids, businesses etc. In the last few years the sex was non existent. My health suffered and I would wake up everyday with a dark cloud over my head.

Look at your husbands parents, my guess is that this is a big part of the problem and if you are not careful you will end up like me and waste too many good years on man that has been damaged by his parents untenable marriage.

This is why I firmly believe that staying married for the kids is the wrong move, kids that see a poor example of marriage can go on to live that way themselves. I am sure it is all subconcious but regardless look at the parents marriage as a red flag for yours and a view of what your future holds.

Is your husband able to have open and adult conversations about sex? Is he generally open about sexual issues, would he masturbate in front of you? If the answers are no then I doubt it has anything to do with low T, he is a product of his upbringing and IME things will get worse not better.

I have since repartnered to a man that is my match, we are compatible. This is where I am supposed to be and it feels amazing.


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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

A falling testosterone doesn't only happen in old age. When I had my issue I was 25 years old, was captain of my masters water polo team and swam thousands of yards a week as well lifted in the gym several times as week. I was in the best shape of my life. Sometimes environmental factors can cause it. A sports injury to the sensitive area or as in my case repeated exposure to certain industrial chemicals. It may not be the problem and I only mention it because you also mentioned a dramatic weight gain for him, so it made me think it was similar to what happened to me. Best to rule it out as it is something quite easily fixed with medication/supplements.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Holland is correct. We learned how to act in a relationship by watching what happened in the homes we grew up in. We are destined to repeat it unless someone recognizes it and stops it.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

it's too bad that your husband thinks that it is pathetic that you think the marriage is in danger because of lack of sex. He pulled a bait and switch on you. He won't think it's so pathetic when you threaten him with divorce. You're wondering how to tactfully bring up that his testosterone levels should be tested, but tell him that although he thinks it's pathetic, it is important to you, and you've done a lot of reading, and with the plummeting sex drive and weight gain, and since sex is important to you, you want him to get this checked out.

If he refuses, then unfortunately, you really have to consider divorce. You can't be unhappy or horny or resentful for the rest of your life. you are too young to give up on what is important and fulfilling to you.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Unless there is a medical or medical condition it's just not normal for a man to deny a horny wife's initiation for sex. Should be against the law honestly. 
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