# In need of advice



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

My wife and I have been separated since june 25 of this year. I actually told her to get out because i was tired of the disrespect from her. She moved into her bosses home who is a married woman with a family of her own. My wife pays no rent but is constantly asking me for money. I had to bust my hump to catch up on the household bills and now im basically ok financially. She recently took a trip to Maryland for her cousins wedding but asked me for $300 hundred dollars. So basically I got her something for her birthday, a gift certificate for a spa day, our anniversary i got her a card and i actually made a hand drawn card also and now the 300 dollars. I feel like i've done all the things that would normally have done but now i feel like i'm being used. I still continue to pay her health insurance but I feel like she should have her own. I go to MC on my own and have done so for about 5 months now. The MC said to stop taking her calls because she use to ignore my calls and text. So after I stopped doing that, she began texting and calling a heck of a lot more. For months I've tried to get her to work with me but she says that she will never go to MC. I asked if there was someone else that she is seeing and she says no but i have my doubts. I told her that we need to have a meeting tomorrow and she said OK. I am lost on what i should say or do during this first meeting with her. I need help


----------



## bromhexine (Sep 5, 2011)

I think it's pretty clear that you need to completely divorce this woman and find someone who will make you happy. Heres hoping that she doesn't take all your money.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry to hear what is going on man. Anyway what kind of disrespect? What has been going on in the marriage any arguments or anything like that? How long have you been married, kids etc? 

I dont want to jump the gun so just need some more info.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Jay,

Sorry to hear your troubles....I would start by asking your self what you really want....

Do you want her to come home ?
Do you want her to come with you to counseling ?
etc...

Think about those things and what you will take for answers and go from there....


----------



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

Well we have been together for 16yrs and married 11yrs. She has been sick and on dialysis for 10yrs. She got a kidney transplant and 2yrs ago. She told me that when she got her new kidney, she told herself that if things didn't change she was gonna leave. Well I never knew that we had issues. Im a very quiet person and when her little sister moved in, I took the role of a full time parent. Helping the kid go from a F to a B+ average. I made sure the kid ate before I left for work and made sure the homework was done. My wife had began to a stay on Facebook all evening and texting her friends all day. I had been on Facebook years before she got her account t but never really used it. I asked her why she didn't have photos of us on her Facebook and she got pissed off at me and removed me as a friend. Everytime I tried making date night for us she would make plans with hersister or friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

Well we have been together for 16yrs and married 11yrs. She has been sick and on dialysis for 10yrs. She got a kidney transplant and 2yrs ago. She told me that when she got her new kidney, she told herself that if things didn't change she was gonna leave. Well I never knew that we had issues. Im a very quiet person and when her little sister moved in, I took the role of a full time parent. Helping the kid go from a F to a B+ average. I made sure the kid ate before I left for work and made sure the homework was done. My wife had began to a stay on Facebook all evening and texting her friends all day. I had been on Facebook years before she got her account t but never really used it. I asked her why she didn't have photos of us on her Facebook and she got pissed off at me and removed me as a friend. Everytime I tried making date night for us she would make plans with hers ister or friends. Finally I just had enough and told her to get out..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

forever learning said:


> Jay,
> I do want her to come back. I love her dearly. She says well you never showed it. My wife is very needy and needs a whole lot of attention. Counseling is something she refuses to do. She doesn't like to see herself any differently than she does. Way to prideful..
> Sorry to hear your troubles....I would start by asking your self what you really want....
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Sorry to hear what is going on man. Anyway what kind of disrespect? What has been going on in the marriage any arguments or anything like that? How long have you been married, kids etc? Married 11yrs and together for 16yrs. The disrespect consists of beeing on Facebook from the time she comes in from work until bed time. Oh can't forget bad mouthing me to friends and not making plans with me but without me every weekend. We don't have any children due to her being on dialysis for 10yrs
> 
> I dont want to jump the gun so just need some more info.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, you need to decide what's important to you, and what you're willing to sacrifice if she's not going to work on removing the issues in your marriage. Until you've decided what those items are, meetings between you may not be very productive.

You've been separated for almost 3 months now. Have you talked to a lawyer or done your investigations on what your rights and responsibilities are with regards to finances and division of assets? If you have, it would be reasonable (to me) to have a discussion with her on how you see things. If you're both making roughly equal money, there's no reason why you should be paying her anything. She may as well taste reality sooner rather than later.

To summarize... Think about what your needs are, and boundaries. And what you're willing to "pay" to have those met. Secondly, figure out your financial responsibilities and rights, either on your own or with the help of a lawyer. Then sit down with her, and have a reasonable discussion to work that side out. Then stick with it.

C


----------



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Sorry to hear what is going on man. Anyway what kind of disrespect? What has been going on in the marriage any arguments or anything like that? How long have you been married, kids etc? Married 11yrs and together for 16yrs. The disrespect consists of beeing on Facebook from the time she comes in from work until bed time. Oh can't forget bad mouthing me to friends and not making plans with me but without me every weekend. We don't have any children due to her being on dialysis for 10yrs
> 
> I dont want to jump the gun so just need some more info.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hrrmmm sounds to me like you have been a pretty good husband. What kind of issues did she bring up? So she has been becoming distant from you for a while? Do you suspect that she might be having a affair? I dont see why she stayed in a relationship for 16 years with you if it was bad it just doesnt make sense. 

I would consult with a attorney about starting a divorce if it has been 3 months. 

I hate your going through this mess.


----------

