# Anyone R w/o getting the full truth?



## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

I'm not gonna get anymore from WS. He failed a poly. Still won't admit and at this point he's trickle truthed me so much even if he did tell me the full truth I'm not so sure I would ever feel I got everything. 

He's been out of the house for eleven nights. He still wants to R.

I've been advised to close the door on the past, accept he cheated and try to start fresh with him. Accept I'll never know everything. He has told me he loves me, is sorry and has asked for my forgiveness to which I have replied what am I forgiving?!? 

Has anyone done this?!? Just accepted the fact you will never really know everything and try to improve what you currently have? I had like a brick hit me the other sleepless night - I WILL NEVER KNOW. I could beg until the end of the earth. 

We're gonna try counseling together again on Monday. I have been going alone. And finally after a year of resisting I broke down and got put on meds. I'm so depressed, I just can't function anymore. 

I just feel screwed regardless what I do. I'm gonna be tortured with doubts if we divorce or not. This seems to be my curse for the rest of my life. Hell on earth. 

We've both contacted lawyers. It's gonna totally bite for me and the kids. He's come and taken the kids off a couple times and it hurt like crazy. I did not want this life.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

It's what you "can live with"... 

I personally have not been able to try to R because of the unknown, and the known...

If your sanity will allow you to move forward with him, then yes you can R. If your insides eat away at you everyday, wondering what happened, if you can ever trust him, if he will do it again,,, then you probably won't be able to. 

Best of luck.. just don't give up your own sanity, for his.


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## margrace (Aug 12, 2012)

this is where i am as well, although i only realize that now.

WH TTed me for months, and only revealed more when i insisted. i know as a certainty that he has not revealed all yet, and is still therefore lying by omission.

it's a sticking point for me. part of what's at the heart of it is that i could have (amazingly?) eventually forgiven the disloyal actions, but i find that i can't get past the lies, lies, and more lies.

so... i thought i was in R with the truth having been dragged out of him. now i guess it was false R. a house of cards.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

I'm sure its been done, but my question would be what kind of foundation is that to try to rebuild a relationship on? If he wants to r there's a price to pay. It isn't his call to decide what's too much for you to take, it is yours. I wouldn't even bother going to mc until he comes clean.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I think my mom tried it. The first time my dad cheated. 

Then going through a fake R, or a 50% effort R and that is probably how much truth he gave her.

And she found out again, so NO!

I think the problem with not getting the full truth, is the WS feels like they just have to be more secretive. If they aren't trully remorseful, and don't see how badly they hurt their spouse, and they don't have to do any work to get their spouse back, or even tell the full truth, they feel they can hide what they need to, so they can keep the affair on the back burner until they finish with their R, then bring their affair back but make sure to keep it underground.


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## gemjo (Aug 24, 2012)

I'm in same position as also. Today, because I said I want a poly he has admitted to a drunken kiss with a colleague at a works conference. 

He said he has told me now because I said I would divorce if he lied on poly, from anything from kissing another woman. One of the questions would be had he ever kissed another woman.

So now I don't know what to do either. R for the family, who by the way are in complete ignorance about what is going on. I haven't told anyone! I know he loves me, but it isn't enough.

Now he says he will sit the poly as I know everything. I have booked it for Friday, so we'll see if he admits to more before then.

My gut feeling was right, there was more and he's consistently lied to me over this past year telling me I know everything. 

This drunken kiss is worse for me, as I know he worked closely with her and up until she recently left the company. I even asked about her as I knew she'd been at conference and he said she was a nice lady, with a family. So he had feelings for her, what's the chances nothing else happened.

I'm devastated, and heartbroken......shocked but not surprised.

I don't know if to R or Throw him out. Every body that knows us thinks we're the happiest married couple they know. Seriously this is pressure that I'm not handling well today.

My thoughts are with you hurting badly and Margrace


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## Danielfom (Sep 27, 2012)

It depends on if you can live with.

I personally feel that if you don't get the whys and whats you can never ever feel that they won't do it again. 

Some can live with it, but a lot can't. 

Reconciling itself is very taxing. 

Know in your marriage you will NEVER trust him 100% again. The unconditional trust that you had before is gone and never coming back.

So the question is, can you live with not knowing if he will or won't cheat again and can you live with the emotional and trust based ceiling in the relationship if you R?


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

He was doing everything they say to do in R... except for withholding information. I've got GPS, passwords, he helps more in the house, spends more time with the kids, checked on me during the day, brings me flowers, tries to hold my hand, opens doors, things he let slip over the years. If anything on TV comes up, he'll turn the channel. We went to MC for awhile, he went to IC for awhile, took meds, read books on proper boundaries, we tried the Love Dare... 

If I'm trying, he's great. If I start questioning he gets extremely angry. He just won't tell me everything. I think I got one story in full now (took a year), but according to the poly there are more stories. 

He just won't come clean!!! I'm never gonna get it and really at this point I won't know if I have it cause he's lied so much. He failed the poly!!! He's even the one that paid for it. :scratchhead:

This experience has caused him to lose a position at work, he will no longer be traveling or teaching so I don't have to worry about young girls anymore. He let his assistant go, that's another less worry. 

He acknowledges how much pain he has caused me and the girls often. So he knows the damage he has caused. Someone told me maybe he's trying to protect you from more hurt or he knows if he tells you more you'll divorce him. We're already at that point anyway. Who will file first?!? We all know those are excuses. Just won't come clean!!!

He's been gone for eleven nights. I saw him yesterday and it already feels weird. He hugged me and I started bawling. I have to see him again today due to one of our kid's game. We'll be sitting alone.

I think we need to discuss our separation. He packed his bags while I was out, then later that day spilled the rest of the beans to the story. This was days before the poly.

I feel like he dropped another bomb and ran away cause he didn't want to deal with another go around of my crying nonstop. Kinda mad about that. We need to know where this separation is going. I think the longer it goes on the harder it will be to get back?


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## margrace (Aug 12, 2012)

yes, this is helping me understand why i'm stuck here, at his lack of full disclosure:

it's not about punishing him more or humiliating him further. without addressing what he deserves (i don't know the answer to that one), neither of those things gives me any relief. i already know that he finds his actions humiliating.

knowing more facts in and of itself doesn't give me relief either. there's nothing magical in those details.

it's somehow that i need to feel that there's a clean(ish) slate before R can really be authentic. 

knowing that secrets continue, that our marriage harbors secrets, that secrets and lies are in its foundation ruins our best efforts.

will i ever EVER know every tiny detail? of course not. but the general timeline, the main characters and events need to be disclosed, or else.... it all just seems fake and pointless.

i wish i was filled with anger and courage as i type that. i'm not. it breaks my heart.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Well, if he is afraid you'll d if he tells, continue with the d so that becomes a moot point. How can you forgive what you don't even know?


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

That's what I keep asking! How do I forgive if I don't know what I'm forgiving! The problem here is he's lied so much I won't know if it is the full truth or just more trickle truth.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

hurtingbadly said:


> That's what I keep asking! *How do I forgive if I don't know what I'm forgiving! *The problem here is he's lied so much I won't know if it is the full truth or just more trickle truth.


Exactly.


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## Anymum (Jun 19, 2011)

Our R was contingent upon full disclosure by me. It was extremely difficult to own up to my actions, absolutely humiliating to her myself saying what had happened and what I had done.

However, I brought it on myself and am happy I complied.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Ask him point blank if he feels telling the whole truth is too humiliating, shameful, hurtful or embarrassing. If he says yes, just ask him how the hell he thinks you feel? If he feels that way, tough ****! He should've thought of that before he did what he did. Now to move on, he has to own it. Fully. Or live with the consequences of refusing to come clean and get out. I just don't see how you could possibly trust him. To do so at this point would be almost criminally stupid.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

I ask him that if roles were reversed how would he handle his wife cheating on him and what would he want/need to know!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

All I needed to know was that my wife cheated. I did not want the details of what they did.

We recovered. It was painful, we made mistakes, well, I made a big mistake, but we we got there, eventually.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

He failed have you had sexual intercourse with anyone outside your marriage.

He failed have you had sexual contact with "Mary" more than once.

It was inconclusive if he has had sexual contact with anyone I don't know about.

He is still telling me today it was a ONS nine years ago and was only a BJ. That is all he will admit to. This has been the basic storyline since he confessed a year ago, but the place and players have changed as recently as last week. He actually knew the girl, before she was a stranger he never saw again. I know for a fact he saw her five years after the ONS out of town on business. 

He took the family out to dinner tonight then dropped us off. We're going to the counselor on Monday and will discuss the time frame in which we will try this trail separation. I don't think it should be open ended, that will lead us nowhere. 

I am beyond clueless at this point why he won't come clean. He tells me he was truthful on the poly. Why would he agree to it, show up and pay for it? :scratchhead:


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Needs to be full disclosure. If you do R, and years later, when he thinks things are great, you get a little trickle, it will set you off like a brand new D-day. It will be old news to him, supposedly forgiven, but to you will will be fresh and painful. 

Then of course maybe he doesn't want to fully disclose because it's with someone you know and he is trying to keep her (possibly him?) in his life. 

Anything less than full disclosure is rug sweeping. He may not want to, but that's kind of the point. He needs to do what you want, and pony up for the pain he has caused.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

hurtingbadly said:


> I'm not gonna get anymore from WS. He failed a poly. Still won't admit and at this point he's trickle truthed me so much even if he did tell me the full truth I'm not so sure I would ever feel I got everything.
> 
> He's been out of the house for eleven nights. He still wants to R.
> 
> ...


My case is like yours. I have not contacted lawyers etc. I decided not to decide on R or D unless truth comes out. And I dont see it happening. Just worse than miserable.


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## megmg (Sep 30, 2012)

Been reading some of these posts today after finally came clean today to W.

I have been dragging this out for a year hoping it would stay hidden and we would stay married however all i have done is hurt her everyday

I have been unfaithful 3 times to W. W found out about one of these last year and we went through the pain of trying R although she knew there was always more hidden i denied it and tried to stay secretive.

This has just hurt her more and more, I agreed to a poly this Friday to prove i wasnt lying, buy I was!! so once again backed in a corner i admit what i have done. People who cheat all try this as i've discovered from your posts

I have had 3 ONS, 2 drunken at work conferences where sexual activity took place. other was sober after an offer of BJ at work which i accepted.

None of these people are a patch on my wife I don't know how i could have hurt her so much as she is perfect, loyal, beautiful and is amazing with me / kids who she has done so much for and continues to do so

I haven't been the greatest of husbands and for years did nothing but come in from work and smoke weed, not helping in anything. 

The pain in her eyes makes breaks my heart at what i have lost through lying and cheating

I want to find the right words and actions that will hopefully recover some of what we had (have never been any good with words, emotionally stunted as i describe myself)

20 years of marriage I have wasted even though W warned me that our time would come when kids grow up. I didn't wait.

I Love You xx


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I know my H had an EA turned PA. he said he loved her. He thought he wanted a life with her!
I don't really need to know all the details. These revelations have hurt me enough.
The emotional connection he had with her is far more gut wrenching than the sexual part. I've never asked for those details. I'm not interested.

We are doing well. 6 months into R and I'm starting to feel secure in our R and our future. H is doing all the heavy lifting. If I have a question he answers it. I know I don't know everything but that is my choice. If something comes into my head, I sleep on it, if its still there in the morning we discuss it.

So yes R is possible without knowing everything, but that should be the decision of the BS, not the WS!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

megmg said:


> Been reading some of these posts today after finally came clean today to W.
> 
> I have been dragging this out for a year hoping it would stay hidden and we would stay married however all i have done is hurt her everyday
> 
> ...


As much as it has hurt you both, you have done the right thing, even though you had no choice. Now no more TT. Tell her everything she wants to know. Do everything in your power to help het.
I wish you luck. You've got a tough road ahead of you, but if you truly love her, you owe her this.
Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

I tried for three years to R without full disclosure. In my case, I pieced together most of what happened. I won't go into details, but it was pretty bad. In the beginning of R, my h had moments where he would admit to something he did but would deny it if it was brought up again. He would be adamant that he never said such a thing. I finally realized that even though it wasnt done with the same malicious intent, it was still a continuation of the gaslighting he had done to me during his infidelity. 

He spent three years being a better husband and doing things to make up for his past behavior. However, when I needed to talk about how I felt about what happened, he would clam up. Occasionally, he would break down and vaguely admit something, only to retract it later. I kept telling myself that I needed to leave the past in the past and focus on how much better our marriage had become. 

I finally reached the point where my heart had mended and I started feeling better about myself again. That was also the point where I knew I couldn't live with the lies or omissions of truth anymore. I moved out last week. I spent some time with him yesterday and he has now started to be a bit more honest but I don't trust that he would continue to do so if I went back to him. I'm not mad about the cheating anymore. Now, I resent the fact that I had to recover from that without being able to truly talk about it with him.

In a nutshell, that's what happened in my case. I'm not saying that no one can R without the truth, but I do know that you can feel like everything is fine for a ling time before you just snap out of it and realize how important honesty really is to a marriage. My advice would be to insist upon it. In a way, I feel like I wasted these last three years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

I'm positive everything is old news. He just doesn't want to admit for whatever reason. It's worse than he told me most likely. There is not another girl in his life right now. He has changed locations at work, no longer travels or teaches classes where there are younger girls. I have access to all his passwords, emails, got him on GPS. I know he can have other emails, another phone... I knew when the change happened, when everything was done. I think he went thru about five years, maybe mid life crisis crap and suddenly he was back to the old husband I remembered. It's true, always follow your gut. I think his ONS was more than a BJ, I think his ONS became a two night stand, I think he might have had a PA with a coworker. I have lots of things I think he did. All he will admit to is the BJ on a ONS even after failing the poly.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

megmg said:


> Been reading some of these posts today after finally came clean today to W.
> 
> I have been dragging this out for a year hoping it would stay hidden and we would stay married however all i have done is hurt her everyday
> 
> ...


Crap, are you my husband?


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## margrace (Aug 12, 2012)

my WH never offered honesty freely, but when confronted, pressed, and told that i had proof, grudgingly acknowledged one A lasting about 6 months. he then accepted NC, yet saw her twice more. he did not confess these infractions of NC. i caught him.

i know that there were others, at least two, over the past couple of years. this he angrily denies -- sort of. 

what he _actually_ does is protest that i am making him jump through hoops, that it is never enough with me, that there is always one more thing he has to do, one more rule imposed upon him. "I'm done," he said last night.

"i've told you the truth!" he says. "you told me part of it," is my response. silence.

so is this the kind of incomplete R that some of you are saying that you can live with? i'm not asking for nitty-gritty details of what they did together. as some you say, i can do without that.

but it feels to me that the full extent of the cheating (both in terms of numbers of APs and number of years) is somehow more central. 

or would this be acceptable to you?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

What details are you missing? Have you at least been able to see a substantial number of text. receipts, credit card statements and e-mail messages and etc. to piece some of the details together. Then ask him more specific questions?

Why does he say that he wants to say with you? and why do you think he says he wants to stay with you?

I would have to agree though that his stonewalling and defensive attitude is troubling. What does your counsellor say about that?


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## margrace (Aug 12, 2012)

why does he say that he wants to stay? because he loves me and loves our life together. 

why do i think he wants to stay? i think that he does believe that he loves me -- that he does love me in his way. _his way_ means that you can love someone and still have a hidden life of your own on the side for when the marriage isn't giving you everything that you need.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Crap, are you my husband?


My concern after all is said and done is that he has such profound boundary issues. That is what I'm hearing from all you've described. He gives in the second he's put into a tempting situation (and doesn't avoid tempting situations--cutting down on travel helps but basically being alone and flirting with someone attractive may be all it takes for him). 

He may also be exalting you--putting you on a pedestal. He doesn't deserve you, you are so terrific.

Meantime, he suffers from some type of mental / emotional issues. They boil down to, he doesn't love himself very much and engages in this behavior for some purpose--reducing his anxiety, building his self-esteem, overcoming stress, or forgetting his problems.

The issue is: when the chips are down, and the temptation is there, and the trigger (stress? anxiety? self-hatred?) is present, this is his go-to self-medication--engaging in this type of behavior.

You can certainly reconcile with someone like this. But just like any other person who has turned to something harmful or inappropriate as a coping mechanism, realize this is a deep weakness they have. It isn't something they just wake up one day and turn off like a switch. They magically saw the light and wow, this behavior is hurting you! That look in your eyes! etc. Well, duh. They ALWAYS knew that about this behavior, but you aren't standing there with puppydog eyes to persuade them not to do it when they are presented with the choice.

There is no way I would R with someone like this unless they have found an incredibly gifted counselor and they start out by attending 2x a week. At some point before 6 mos. of counseling, I would expect an open admission of everything and some sort of remorse / abasement / acknowledgment that they had done these things and WHY. What yawning need inside them was fufilled with these selfish antics.

This is a steep mountain to climb--do not fool yourself otherwise.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

HB, tears are pouring down my face as I read your posts. I am so so sorry you are here and that you are at such a crossroads.

I cannot offer any advice about whether an R will work without the full truth. I think that depends on the individual. Some cannot live without it. Others say it has no bearing. To each their own.

What I would like to offer advice on is this journey you are on while you search for your path. If I could wave my magic wand, I would give you the gift of patience and time.

I strongly feel that you should continue with the separation until you are sure, absolutely positive, you can commit to an R or seek a D. I think the absolutely worst thing you could do would be to make a decision while you are in this state.

Some of us cannot take the limbo and jump just to get things in motion. You deserve more patience from yourself.

Time will provide you with a cooling down of your emotions and a much clearer perspective. Please give yourself that.

The answers will come, but they move at their own pace. Time and patience is what you need.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> I'm sure its been done, but my question would be what kind of foundation is that to try to rebuild a relationship on? If he wants to r there's a price to pay. It isn't his call to decide what's too much for you to take, it is yours. I wouldn't even bother going to mc until he comes clean.


Can there ever be a good foundation with anyone, now that this has happened?


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## lightninghelix (Sep 29, 2012)

Seems like R is by definition impossible without the full truth. How can you trust someone again if they don't come clean?


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

lightninghelix said:


> Seems like R is by definition impossible without the full truth. How can you trust someone again if they don't come clean?


Good question. Here is another one:

How do you ever really know someone has come clean? Even a poly does not provide the peace of mind that many think it does.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

lightninghelix said:


> Seems like R is by definition impossible without the full truth. How can you trust someone again if they don't come clean?


You can't.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Falene said:


> Good question. Here is another one:
> 
> How do you ever really know someone has come clean? Even a poly does not provide the peace of mind that many think it does.


EXACTLY! And this is where I'm at. And also what I was getting at in my original post.

He failed the poly and still won't admit to anything else. It only gave me more to worry about. And now that he is outta the house I'm taking care of everything and I'm close to a nervous breakdown. I have to be strong for my kids, but I really want to curl up in a dark corner and cry for eternity. The poly did nothing for me, but make me worry more. 

And I'm kinda going thru another DDay with my emotions because he finally told me the stranger was actually someone he knew. 

Here's the thing. He's lied so much even if he did come clean would I really feel I finally had everything? Like at what point do you accept I'll never know?


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

At what point? Five minutes ago? You are never going to feel like you have the truth after this one so don't try. The poly proved that. It was your last chance, in your own mind, right?

What you need to decide is if you can move forward with not knowing and build from there.

I wish you nothing but the absolute most happiest future a woman can have. *hugs*


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## gemjo (Aug 24, 2012)

Trickle truth, trickle truth, why don't they grow some balls and just have done with?

They obviously know we love them and want to make a go of it, so why can't they find the words? 

How hard can that be for a cheater?, it would appear they are all cowardly b*st*rds. They are scared and frightened of making things worse, how worse can things get?


Wake up, we need the *F'ing* truth...just the truth and you might find yourself forgiven on some level. Given another chance.

It's up to you do do the right thing. the whole truth, not half truths. 

Doing the right thing at this time makes all the difference. Starting again, a clean slate is possible if both partners want to save the marriage, but the *whole truth is a must.*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

gemjo said:


> *Trickle truth, trickle truth, why don't they grow some balls and just have done with*?
> 
> They obviously know we love them and want to make a go of it, so why can't they find the words?
> 
> ...


They are frightened. 

Frightened they will hurt you more than they have already hurt you.

Frightened that you will not love them any more.

Frightened that not only will you not love them any more, that you might even hate them.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> They are frightened.
> 
> Frightened they will hurt you more than they have already hurt you.
> 
> ...


The irony is that in withholding the truth, they are far more likely to be hated for doing that, rather than for their prior transgressions.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> They are frightened.
> 
> Frightened they will hurt you more than they have already hurt you.
> 
> ...


Frightened that they won't get to see the kids any more or that the kids will eventually hate them, frightened that their friends and neighbors will learn the truth and their old social life will vanish, frightened they might lose out financially in a divorce, lose the house, everything they've worked for....when people act this selfishly for so many years, I'm skeptical that any "fear" is centered on the BS.

Or maybe they're _not_ particularly frightened, they just have been lying for such a long time they don't know how to be honest any more.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> I am beyond clueless at this point why he won't come clean. He tells me he was truthful on the poly. Why would he agree to it, show up and pay for it? :scratchhead:


Because he hopes that he will either beat the poly or say it was wrong.

Sounds just like something my man would do. And the nagging thought is that 'what if he was telling the truth, what if the poly was wrong?'. But you know in your gut if it was or not, and you know the lies since DD do not do his 'story' or him any favours on the issue of trust and believability. I think yours, like mine, is just giving that little bit more to satisfy your doubt and questions. We would know when it is ALL given. Their whole demeanor and behaviour would change with the whole truth.

Your story has strong similarities with mine. I haven't got to the end of the thread yet, have been itching to reply, and this post has caused me to do so without reaching the last page. 

Like u, I found out a year ago. Things didn't make sense. And like you, all was fine so long as I didn't bring it up. As soon as I brought it up, anger and defensiveness. I think that behaviour is VERY telling. In the last 4-5 weeks I have had my man (we don't live together and both have children) lie point blank to my face about something I knew the truth on, do something he promised he would not do, he didn't even bother informing me, just did it (I told him if he got a female lodger in we would be over. He has been seeking a lodger, male or female, so we are now over. I only found out by accident), and then one night while we were over he turned up at my house and gave a little more TT, which was pretty bad. I am not convinced that that bit of TT was true either, I think even that is sugar coated. 

So yes, I did try to R without having the full truth, and the feeling of knowing in my gut I don't have the full truth has got stronger over the last year. The 1st 6 months I almost believed him. And then I came here. Time here has given me the realisation I am right. I got to a point around early summer where I was ALMOST prepared to continue knowing I would never get the whole truth. And I may have, though doubtful, be able to have done that. Purely and only because I know how much he loves me now. Like you, mine did lots of things that made me stay, more loving, little things that made me feel loved frequently, transparent, informing me where he was and what he doing, phone calls every night we were not together etc. All that except the fundamentals - lies and the whole truth. He has finally chipped away the last few weeks at any love I have left. And by his inaction has proved to me that he does not love me enough to do anything within his power to keep me. 

And like you, I was depressed, tense, feeling down. I found it difficult to be a good mother to my children due to feeling so miserable, such a lack of hope for my future. Since we split I feel a weight has been lifted. I think you need to seriously consider cutting your losses and splitting for good. It does get better, and seeing the children go for their contact with him will not pain you forever. It gives you the opportunity to have time to do things for you! It is not all bad. It won't take long either before you start to feel better. You need to look after you, your health, your mental health...for you and absolutely for your children.


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