# Wife's Contact with Ex's



## robhpsca (Apr 24, 2011)

I am sure this question has been asked a million times, but I would rather post my situation and ask again than search through other's situations.

Here is a summary of the details:

-my wife had a rather promiscuous past--nothing I would care about as long as it remains in the past

-she had a ton of photos of sexually related things with other men on her computer and phone when we met, and she kept them for some time after we met, even after I asked why she still wanted them and if she would do me the favor of getting rid of them

-she has lied to me many times about the nature of her relationships and contact with these men. She claims the lies are to avoid upsetting me, and she can't seem to grasp the fact that the lie itself hurts more than any contact she has with them

-every time I ask her if she would be okay if our roles were reversed and I was in contact with women who I shared photos of being in sex acts with each other, she insists it would not bother her

-despite the fact that it does indeed bother me, she gets mad, insists I am wrong to be bothered---even when some of the guys comments include some that they wish they were together, or calling her baby, etc etc

-I tell her that I think it is unfair that my feelings are blatantly disregarded by her, she brushes that off.

I am really at my wit's end with this. I am hurt continuously and it doesn't seem to phase her or even slow her down from being in touch with these guys. Am I the one who is wrong here? Should I just let her have this outlet since I know that physically she is faithful? How can I get past this bothering me when it happens? It makes me want to look for more issues and problems, thinking "where does it stop?" 

I am really at a loss. Please help.


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

No dont let her continue. leave her, that would give strong message


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I suspect if you checked her phone records and email you would find a lot of things continuing to go on. I don't believe she respects you.


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## SteveAustin (Apr 25, 2011)

robhpsca said:


> I am sure this question has been asked a million times, but I would rather post my situation and ask again than search through other's situations.
> 
> Here is a summary of the details:
> 
> ...


Are you kidding? Screw that, unless you get off on it, that stuff remains in the past. She hangs onto the photos because she is reliving in the past. Time to up the ante, no exs photos, no contact with exs, its about you and her now. If this is what she wants, hasta la vista sister, dont back down. Sounds more like someone wants to go back to her old life. Crack all that stuff open. Its about just you and her now. If she likes hot looking guys, watch porn together, but that stuff is way to personal to keep, to many ways to backtrack and have a nooner for old times sake. 

My wife had contacted an ex boyfriend, without letting me know. I didnt stand for it, showed her how infuriating it was to me and that its either me going over and letting his wife know that they had been emailing, he is now married and with two kids, he cheated on her when they went out and he broke up with her oh so many years ago. So why the fascination of WHAT HAPPENED TO SO and SO? Thats all bs man, dont stand for it. Marriage is hard enough.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

NO contacts with EX's - ZERO. My wife had looked up some of her ex's on FB, just to see whatever happened to them and so forth. But she never contacted these guys, or attempted to friend them o or anything in that sort of matter. I'd lose my mind if she were to have love letters and pics of these dudes on our computer. Are you kidding me??? These same dudes who cheated on you, played you and just used you... and you want something to reminisce over? Reminisce over what? When they used you as a cum dumster?

And you busted her in lying about it... to spare your feelings huh - BS. If she is lying about it, then there's something to hide, perhaps even an EA. Its too much temptation when you deal with ex's of your past, there is a reason why they are your Ex. But the moment you start dealing with them, all you remember is the good times. And then all it takes is a moment of weakness and bam, EA turns into full time PA. The past is the past, and i can't hate on any actions a woman does BEFORE me. Everyone has their ONS, and got played for sex and so on. But what you are not going to do, is lay in my bed and have you past a few finger tips away. 

Nip this is the bud Rob right away, or else HER past will come back to haunt YOU!!!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You are right to worry, I'm in the same freakin' boat with my BF...why is it that they can't see that the lies are the problem, not the past? I keep telling my guy, if you'd been up front about so and so, then I wouldn't be so upset! Lying to me, just equates to having something to hide. Hell, I'm 41 freakin' years old, I've been in love before, had my heart broken, you name it. I completely get that he has a past too. I told him in the beginning, we don't need all of each others' gory details, but don't LIE.

Sigh...not sure what to tell you, except you have to get her on the same page as you as soon as possible...


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