# He left us again for the 10th time!



## smarti36 (Aug 9, 2011)

My H has a huge anger problem. I am monitoring his phone to find out what is going on. It's only been a few weeks but he has a major pill problem. I think vicoden (sp). Monitoring his text I knew he was getting 5 "green beans" today so I looked in his car and found them. I also saw a atm receipt from today where he took out 80 bucks and had no money left in his wallet. I should of just kept quiet but couldn't. I asked him about the atm receipt I found and that there was no money in his wallet and he made excuses where the money went. None of them being that he bought pills. 

So, I asked him how he paid for the pills then in his car. He freaked! Yelled and screamed at me and called me every name in the book. I'm crazy and need help. I stay calm the entire time. We have 3 boys and they heard everything and were really scared. He get's so angry and bows up in my face as if he wanted to knock my head off. He grabs my arms and tells me to get away from him. He was going to a motel.

He said don't contact him by text or call him or he would change his number. This is my 2nd marriage and only the 3yr old is his child. He said he was done with me and did not even want to see me anymore. I stayed completly calm and told him to calm down and relax. All I did was ask him where the 80 bucks went. I don't understand how anyone could be so cold and mean to their wife while kids were watching. 

I know this is best for me but I still feel sad he is gone. I always miss him so much when he leaves and he could care less. 7yrs I have supported our family and he never has any money to pay the bills. When I was pregnant with our son he went away on a trip and went to the doctor to take an STD test. His excuse was that he had a split stream when he urinated and googled it and it said an STD could be the cause. Now, I'm 5 months pregnant and if you thought you might have an STD would you not ask your pregnant wife? Going to a secret doctors appointment would not be the right thing to do. 

Even though I still hurt about it we have been together for many years. I head from someone he works with he always talks bad about me and lies about be to make him look like the victim. 

Why will he not talk to me without blowing up and leaving? It happens all the time. He says I have problems. He might be right since I put up with him time and time again. 

So, my question is since he told me he does not want to be with me and leave him alone I guess that is what I will do. What happens on a hard day when the man I love hates me. He can not come up with anything over the last 7yrs that I have done wrong but yet I am the bad guy. I feel like a looser and a fool. Is there a magic answer for me?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You're not a loser.

He's addicted to the pills.

Let him go and see what happens. Tough love.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Smarti, pill addiction by itself can lead to abusive treatment. Yet, if you H's anger problems started well before the addiction, his anger and "I'm a victim" mentality are likely the result of strong traits of a disorder like BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which my exW has. When a man has strong BPD traits, they vanish only during the courtship period -- usually for up to six months. But then the traits will appear persistently thereafter. If your H's verbal abuse and victim mentality have been there throughout your 7 year marriage, I suggest you read my discussion of BPD traits in Blacksmith's thread -- to see if they sound familiar. My posts there start at Proposed Revision | APA DSM-5. Take care, Smarti.


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## smarti36 (Aug 9, 2011)

So, after all of his mean words before he left on Tuesday night he told me not to call or text him or he would change his number. I am so proud of mysef because I have not posted on FB, called or text him. Now, its only been a day but that is a big step for me. 

I would usually text him by now and tell him even if this doesn't work out I'm here for you and love you...blah, blah, blah!!! I am sure to hear nothing from me might be an eye opener for him. 

Not that I will let him back this time. I have made him appointments several times about his mood changes and anger. He goes once and never goes back or gets scripts filled. He does not care. Why should I? 

Kind of a sad thing last night. Our 3yr old was sleeping with me and he looked at me and said "daddy is not comming home" Poor little guy. I bet it's tough for him to understand what is happening AGAIN! Kids are smart though. How did he know this time it's really done? 

Working on the 180 and going dark. Really a hard thing to do when you love someone. I just have to realize that he does not love me and accept that and move on. 

Thanks uptown!! I am about to read your post now...


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## smarti36 (Aug 9, 2011)

Forgot the most important thing.....I have an appointment tomorrow with a therapist. Very excited about that!!


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