# Out of absolutely nowhere after 17 years..I am hurt like I have never hurt before



## Fabfifth (Aug 6, 2017)

Hi, new to this forum. My wife of 17 years out of nowhere has decided she loves me, but is not in love with me anymore , and that she feels that we have no connection anymore. She cheated me 8 years ago as well after she changed jobs, and met somebody else. We came back from that, and if there were ever a poster child of a couple that could survive an affair, I thought that we were it. 

I know some people have blinders in relationships, and cannot see what is going on, but when I tell you we have been so good, and what I know to be loving, caring, respectful to each other in the last 8 years, I am not lying. There has been no problems, etc. In fact just Last Saturday night we were intimate, and she made a comment to me, after seeing some people at a wedding she felt were not really in love, told me how happy she was that we sincerely love each other. In the past weeks, we have taken the Grandaughter to the zoo a few times, been to some country festivals where we danced in each other's arms, intimate many times, ( we had never stopped that), and her complaint to me know is that she feels no connection with me anymore, and claims to have felt this way for over a year. 

You could have fooled me. She dropped this on me Thursday, out of nowhere. Only sign was she seemed a little " Off" Monday and a Tuesday. This after the " Glad we love each other" comment, and the sex she initiated just that Saturday. I am literally stating a week and a half ago I was in marital bliss. And trust me, I have left nothing out. She says the reason she feels unconnected now is I don't do a lot of the activities she likes to do, or go to places or event that she does enough of the time, and that she needs to share and find someone who can share that part of her life with her. 

Some things I don't do with her all of the time, but I have done it on many occasions. In many cases Some of the things she did, I thought she wanted to be "hers". I never stopped her, and she never really said this was a problem. We do MANY things together, and we have had much joy in them. I am just flattened, my whole world is in the toilet. I feel like I've been hit by a train. I haven't barely slept or eaten in 4 days since she dropped this on me. I have never felt pain like this in my life...I feel like the Walking Dead... 

She left to spend the weekend away from me, to collect her thoughts, and while she has tried to be gentle with me ( Thanks a lot!) she pretty much dropped this on me, and ran...leaving me like a damn deer in the headlights. We have built a life that is just going to go down in the toilet for whatever kind of feeling she is having now. There is no hope this time. I don't know if it's an affair, I don't think so, since she just got squirrely on Tuesday for me to notice and there is no way she would have time enough away from us to physically have one. But it maybe with someone who was a schoolmate who has the same ultimate hobby of photography that she has as she has been to his and his wife's house two weeks ago, and he came here on Tuesday. She claims no, he has just listened to her issues and of course concurs, that I am the wrong person for her. 

Doesn't barely know me. Funny how somebody whose never been aground you is an expert in the dynamics of your relationship or what goes on behind closed doors between her and I. I am just devastated. I don't know if I can survive this. I feel so empty, so lost, so confused. I am not tooting my own Horn, but I am a good man, a faithful one, a loving one. I just don't understand this.....


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Sorry to hear this but you can survive!!! You need to pull yourself together because it's not good if you don't eat and move around. Not quite sure what is going on but defiantly try to get yourself healthy again. Even a therapist or a friend would help... She may think the grass is greener on the other side or perhaps she has found someone who seems more interesting than you. Don't let her see you like this, it's just not good..


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Check your phone bill she's cheating again.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Sorry man but ILYBNILWY is page #2 of The Cheaters Handbook. 

A sudden change in attitude towards you is on page #1. 

And the "friend" that shares the same hobby that they are supposedly getting counsel and advice from is on page #5.


This is truly textbook that she has fallen for photographer man.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Fabfifth said:


> Hi, new to this forum. My wife of 17 years out of nowhere has decided she loves me, but is not in love with me anymore , and that she feels that we have no connection anymore. She cheated me 8 years ago as well after she changed jobs, and met somebody else. We came back from that, and if there were ever a poster child of a couple that could survive an affair, I thought that we were it. I know some people have blinders in relationships, and cannot see what is going on, but when I tell you we have been so good, and what I know to be loving, caring, respectful to each other in the last 8 years, I am not lying. There has been no problems, etc. In fact just Last Saturday night we were intimate, and she made a comment to me, after seeing some people at a wedding she felt were not really in love, told me how happy she was that we sincerely love each other. In the past weeks, we have taken the Grandaughter to the zoo a few times, been to some country festivals where we danced in each other's arms, intimate many times, ( we had never stopped that), and her complaint to me know is that she feels no connection with me anymore, and claims to have felt this way for over a year. You could have fooled me. She dropped this on me Thursday, out of nowhere. Only sign was she seemed a little " Off" Monday and a Tuesday. This after the " Glad we love each other" comment, and the sex she initiated just that Saturday. I am literally stating a week and a half ago I was in marital bliss. And trust me, I have left nothing out. She says the reason she feels unconnected now is I don't do a lot of the activities she likes to do, or go to places or event that she does enough of the time, and that she needs to share and find someone who can share that part of her life with her.
> 
> Cheater script. It all your fault
> 
> ...


If you're smart you'll file immediately and try to get the best settlement. Waiting around like a lost little boy won't get you much


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Fabfifth said:


> I don't know if it's an affair, I don't think so, since she just got squirrely on Tuesday for me to notice and there is no way she would have time enough away from us to physically have one. But it maybe with someone who was a schoolmate who has the same ultimate hobby of photography that she has as she has been to his and his wife's house two weeks ago, and he came here on Tuesday. She claims no, he has just listened to her issues and of course concurs, that I am the wrong person for her. Doesn't barely know me. Funny how somebody whose never been aground you is an expert in the dynamics of your relationship or what goes on behind closed doors between her and I. I am just devastated. I don't know if I can survive this. I feel so empty, so lost, so confused. I am not tooting my own Horn, but I am a good man, a faithful one, a loving one. I just don't understand this.....


"She claims no, he has just listened to her issues and of course concurs, that I am the wrong person for her. Doesn't barely know me. Funny how somebody whose never been aground you is an expert in the dynamics of your relationship or what goes on behind closed doors between her and I" = EA in motion...


Is it wise to place so much of your happiness in her hands?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Yes, she's having an affair with photog dude. If you search, you will likely find texts and Facebook conversations stretching back for some length of time.

She didn't just "decide" this on Tuesday. She's been planning it for quite awhile.

Sorry you're here, but she's been unfaithful in the past and she's doing the same now. She's not away for the weekend to "collect her thoughts"; she's with him.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

sounds like she never stopped being a self-centered individual, sadly you gave her a chance to prove that she was worth staying but in the end she was lying...and her needs comes before you....please don't make the same mistake again...file...have her served, and expose any affair..i am sorry you are here


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Fabfifth said:


> Hi, new to this forum. My wife of 17 years out of nowhere has decided she loves me, but is not in love with me anymore , and that she feels that we have no connection anymore. She cheated me 8 years ago as well after she changed jobs, and met somebody else. We came back from that, and if there were ever a poster child of a couple that could survive an affair, I thought that we were it. I know some people have blinders in relationships, and cannot see what is going on, but when I tell you we have been so good, and what I know to be loving, caring, respectful to each other in the last 8 years, I am not lying. There has been no problems, etc. In fact just Last Saturday night we were intimate, and she made a comment to me, after seeing some people at a wedding she felt were not really in love, told me how happy she was that we sincerely love each other. In the past weeks, we have taken the Grandaughter to the zoo a few times, been to some country festivals where we danced in each other's arms, intimate many times, ( we had never stopped that), and her complaint to me know is that she feels no connection with me anymore, and claims to have felt this way for over a year. You could have fooled me. She dropped this on me Thursday, out of nowhere. Only sign was she seemed a little " Off" Monday and a Tuesday. This after the " Glad we love each other" comment, and the sex she initiated just that Saturday. I am literally stating a week and a half ago I was in marital bliss. And trust me, I have left nothing out. She says the reason she feels unconnected now is I don't do a lot of the activities she likes to do, or go to places or event that she does enough of the time, and that she needs to share and find someone who can share that part of her life with her. Some things I don't do with her all of the time, but I have done it on many occasions. In many cases Some of the things she did, I thought she wanted to be "hers". I never stopped her, and she never really said this was a problem. We do MANY things together, and we have had much joy in them. I am just flattened, my whole world is in the toilet. I feel like I've been hit by a train. I haven't barely slept or eaten in 4 days since she dropped this on me. I have never felt pain like this in my life...I feel like the Walking Dead... She left to spend the weekend away from me, to collect her thoughts, and while she has tried to be gentle with me ( Thanks a lot!) she pretty much dropped this on me, and ran...leaving me like a damn deer in the headlights. We have built a life that is just going to go down in the toilet for whatever kind of feeling she is having now. There is no hope this time. I don't know if it's an affair, I don't think so, since she just got squirrely on Tuesday for me to notice and there is no way she would have time enough away from us to physically have one. But it maybe with someone who was a schoolmate who has the same ultimate hobby of photography that she has as she has been to his and his wife's house two weeks ago, and he came here on Tuesday. She claims no, he has just listened to her issues and of course concurs, that I am the wrong person for her. Doesn't barely know me. Funny how somebody whose never been aground you is an expert in the dynamics of your relationship or what goes on behind closed doors between her and I. I am just devastated. I don't know if I can survive this. I feel so empty, so lost, so confused. I am not tooting my own Horn, but I am a good man, a faithful one, a loving one. I just don't understand this.....


I am sorry you are here but it sounds like

1. She IS having an affair with someone in her hobbies and it could well be that guy because she is sharing very private information with him. Time to investigate, she may well have gone off with him for the weekend, check with his wife. BIG red flag

2. She is hitting menopause or a MLC


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