# One way street? Is it to late?



## LPNmommy (Apr 19, 2014)

Me and my husband have been together a little over 4 years with a 2 year old daughter and I am currently 19 weeks pregnant. In the beginning we had a phenomenal marriage. (This is his 2nd marriage) He is a over the road truck driver but he is home a few week days and all weekends. Lately he is never home with me and our daughter in the only free time he has. He never calls to check on me and the babies or ask how are days are. He tells me I'm being over dramatic and I don't hurt only being 19 weeks pregnant and when I cry I only piss him off more. I work midnights but I never know if he will even be home when I have to leave to take care of our baby because I don't know where he will be. I have caught him lying to me on so many occasions. About women, about where he is, just anything! I love him so much but lately there is no love in return. I have swept so much under the rug and forgave him to save our marriage, but he never changes. He told me the other day I was only good for sex and I told him then we will stop all that. He proceeds to tell me that he will get it from somewhere else. He constantly tells me he doesn't care if we get divorced or not. I take my vows seriously to him and to god and I'm trying everything to make it work. I can't go on forever being the only one to try and compromise, and all this stress is so bad for our baby. Please give me suggestions! He will not ever sit down and talk to me, and when I bring up any issues he gets mad and leaves for hours or even days. I want this so bad for my children!
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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

That could be why he was divorced once already...lol

Maybe you could write him a heartfelt letter, explaining that you want a strong marriage, so the kids will be happy. Ask him what changes each of you can make to achieve that.

Try to use statements that don't put him on the defensive. Yet, don't be a doormat either.

Would he agree to marriage counseling?


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Where is he going in his free time?


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## LPNmommy (Apr 19, 2014)

hehasmyheart said:


> Where is he going in his free time?


He recently bought a racecar that he is always working on. He also says he fishes and hunts but he never answers his phone while he is gone..
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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

LPNmommy- You ask for suggestion without really saying what you want, although it seems reasonable to assume that ultimately you want a happy marriage. I further assume that if you can't get that, the goal would become "as happy of a life as you can get without being married."

So, based on this reasoning, and what you have written.....

1- Get STD tested. Your husband sounds like fidelity isn't really a concept he understands. So start off by making sure that you are clean.

2- See a good lawyer and understand what your options are if you proceed to filing for divorce. Read that sentence again. You are doing this to get information and know your rights and what your situation will be financially if you end up going down that path.

3- Based on your husband's conduct and what he has said to you, I think not having sex with him for awhile is a good idea.

Okay, now that we have the actionable things out of the way, we move on to the hard stuff.

There are really 2 reasons that you find yourself in this miserable situation.

First, you made a bad choice in who you fell in love with. Not much you can do about that in the short term.

Second, you have poor boundary control- he treats you like this because you let him. This you can change.

So sit down and think about what is important to you, and what is not. Think about how you are willing to be treated in your relationship, and identify clear "lines" that define acceptable behavior.

Then stop letting him cross those lines.

And make sure that there are consequences associated with crossing those lines. Dig around this site and you will eventually find a topic called "the 180." It includes a list of behaviors for you to engage in that will give you some control over yourself and your feelings about your husband.

Sorry for the length of the post, here, but complex problems defy simple explanations.

A couple of other suggestions I have based, again, on your posts are:

It sounds like your husband is unfaithful a lot. It seems like he is also dumb and careless. I would try to swipe his phone one night when he is asleep and check over his communication history. Look for unknown numbers he calls as well as inappropriate texts or pictures to other women (or men, given that he's a trucker).

Get a GPS tracker and attach it to his truck. See where he goes when his phone is turned off. If you can find a way to enable GPS tracking on his phone, do that too.

When you confirm that he is cheating, maybe you'll decide that you don't love him that much after all.

Nobody can treat you like dirt without your cooperation. Don't cooperate!


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