# One Year Later...



## BMoreMan (Apr 7, 2014)

I've been lurking on here over the past year since my D-Day and finally felt the need to share my story. One year ago today....

At this point we had been married for 5 years with one son and another on the way. I was on our shared computer working on uploading some new pics of my son. We use my wifes account to manage all the pics, it's just easier that way. I noticed that there were a couple messages in the chat, she recently got a new phone and her IM was tied to her iCloud account so if the computer was on it was getting a copy of the messages. There was only a couple messages in there but they were very strange. "Good night sweetheart XOXO" and few others of the same content. I immediately went into WTF mode and grabbed her phone. And sure enough there were a bunch of others in there, but worse, pics and videos of him and his junk. I freaked out and was headed to the door and she stopped me. I didn't even have to say anything, she knew what I had discovered. She came clean right there, about the relationship, about them sleeping together once 5 months prior.

I kept going out the door. I called the OM up and left him a message and some txts telling him I knew and to leave her alone or his entire company would get pictures of him from unflattering angles. She called him to, also to break it off. Later when I cooled down we talked about the situation. I layed down some rules before even knowing how to handle it, no contact being the biggest. Well second biggest, a paternity test would have to be done, since the timeline matched up with how far along she is. Now there is a safe test to measure paternity while pregnant, it's done by DNA and costs $2K. We did it. And, I wasn't the father. Yey, my life just got even better.

We did a brief stint in MC but she took my wifes side on everything because she wanted to make sure the baby was safe. At the end of the day, I loved my wife, my son, and felt I could love the baby even if it wasn't mine. I decided to stand by her and try my best to make it work. I never threw it in her face and have trusted her as best I can. I still find myself checking up on her and what she is doing but as near as I can tell nothing has gone on since then.

So a year later, she is still not sure she made the right decision by not telling the OM about the baby and is struggling with that shame. I am taking a backseat to her emotional instability. I still love my family and am there for all of them. But her not committing to a path, whether it is us being together or not, is wearing on my heart and wellbeing. She is a great mother and person, and I do love her. I'm just not sure how much longer I can continue with this.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

If I were you, I'd get out of this marriage. It's a sham and as long as you are in it, it would affect your sanity. There is nothing left for you. A woman would never respect a guy who'd be willing to raise a kid born out of an A knowing the fact fully well.


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## DoktorFun (Feb 25, 2014)

BMoreMan said:


> I've been lurking on here over the past year since my D-Day and finally felt the need to share my story. One year ago today....
> 
> At this point we had been married for 5 years with one son and another on the way. I was on our shared computer working on uploading some new pics of my son. We use my wifes account to manage all the pics, it's just easier that way. I noticed that there were a couple messages in the chat, she recently got a new phone and her IM was tied to her iCloud account so if the computer was on it was getting a copy of the messages. There was only a couple messages in there but they were very strange. "Good night sweetheart XOXO" and few others of the same content. I immediately went into WTF mode and grabbed her phone. And sure enough there were a bunch of others in there, but worse, pics and videos of him and his junk. I freaked out and was headed to the door and she stopped me. I didn't even have to say anything, she knew what I had discovered. She came clean right there, about the relationship, about them sleeping together once 5 months prior.
> 
> ...




Well, respect... congratulations and good luck :scratchhead: 

What is wrong with you people... unbelievable!


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

It's a bizarre story even by CWI standards. :scratchhead:


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

well, at least now I don't feel like a doormat:bang head:


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

You truly are a beta cuckold. Best of luck on your new journey into submission.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Probability of getting pregnant after having sex once ? That too with an adult woman who had kids. She knew she was cuckolding you and she went through with it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Spidey sense


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

convert said:


> well, at least now I don't feel like a doormat:banghead:


When you think you are the worst, someone out there will always prove you wrong.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

By the time you caught her she perfectly knew she was pregnant by OM, no guilt nor shame about trying to pass this kid as yours.

You still stays, decide to raise the kid and she feels bad about not letting this ONSer he got pregnant some random married woman?

Are you kidding me?


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

DarkHoly said:


> You truly are a beta cuckold. Best of luck on your new journey into submission.



Most likely he's just trying to provoke posters into emotional responses.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WhiteRaven said:


> If I were you, I'd get out of this marriage. It's a sham and as long as you are in it, it would affect your sanity. There is nothing left for you. A woman would never respect a guy who'd be willing to raise a kid born out of an A knowing the fact fully well.


Actually, that's not *always* the case. Some women can't, true, but some can and do.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Actually, that's not *always* the case. Some women can't, true, but some can and do.


Either way, both are toxins. One kills you gently, the other makes you vomit blood before you die. Results don't vary.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

And why the hell you got her pregnant when she's still stuck in her struggles?


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

If this was a BRAND new baby, or you posted this a year ago, Id say dump her ass...

let the om father HIS baby, you stand by your 5 yr old son

but you chose to be a cuckold for a year. I am sure you cant just walk away, that 1 year old is yours...in your heart and soul, if not by blood...

I would still dump her ass...I would leave and still be a father to both kids...but this is something you should have handled a year ago

but I am a prick, I dont need a website full of people to tell me to dump a cheating hoor!


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

OP,

I'm not suggesting at all that your story is not real, but bare with some of the posters who may wonder. Your subject, with raising another man's child, is one of the favorites for "those that try to deceive us for their enjoyment". But I will assume your intentions are above board.

First, reconciliation with a cheating spouse; even one who shows complete remorse, is very difficult. But when you add the element of raising the OM's child, it borders on the impossible. Not that you couldn't love and care for the child otherwise; but every day when you see that child, you are potentially reminded of her brutal betrayal. A never ending trigger. It's no wonder that you're having difficulty accepting this. Most men wouldn't even try.

So, I'm not going to give you advice on how to R; at least not yet. Before I would do that, I want you to re-evaluate your decision. You'll be facing monumental emotional and psychological obstacles in dealing with this and I think it would be wrong to encourage you to work it out at this point.

Get in to counseling on your own. Think long and hard about what you're trying to overcome. Then think about it some more. No one could blame you for changing your mind.

Keep posting.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I'm just not sure how much longer I can continue with this."

Why would you even try?

She is actually feeling shame and guilt towards this POS rather than you after you bit into the biggest s**t sandwich a woman can give a man to eat, namely raising a scumbag POSOM's child?

F her....file for D from her disloyal, unrepentant a** immediately.

Inform all of your friends and both of your families why you are D'ing and the extent of her disgusting betrayal.

Oh and DO expose this POS for what he is, especially to his BW if he has one.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

i'm going to get banned, but i need to write it!
YOU SHOULD CHANGE YOUR NICK IN: BSUCHAFOOL


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## BMoreMan (Apr 7, 2014)

Wow, thanks everyone for the constructive and uplifting discussion.

Yes the wife's a B***** for doing what she did. Yes I am a F***** idiot for staying. I believed then I could deal with the not my child thing at that time and I still do. When this went down I did not think about myself but rather my son. To tear his life apart at 3 just did not seem right to me if I could avoid it. I grew up in a single parent house, I went thru all of that as a child, I did not want him to go thru the same. If it means a bit my happiness to have a solid life for him/them then it's worth it. But it is wishful thinking that seems to be going down the tubes.


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## BMoreMan (Apr 7, 2014)

badmemory said:


> OP,
> 
> I'm not suggesting at all that your story is not real, but bare with some of the posters who may wonder. Your subject, with raising another man's child, is one of the favorites for "those that try to deceive us for their enjoyment". But I will assume your intentions are above board.
> 
> ...


Thanks BM, I could see how the story is a bit troll like, for the sake of brevity I left some of it out. But yes, your right, I guess it's never too late to fix the situation and perhaps I need to be a bit more selfish and figure out my own needs. Thanks.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

BMoreMan said:


> Wow, thanks everyone for the constructive and uplifting discussion.
> 
> Yes the wife's a B***** for doing what she did. Yes I am a F***** idiot for staying. I believed then I could deal with the not my child thing at that time and I still do. When this went down I did not think about myself but rather my son. To tear his life apart at 3 just did not seem right to me if I could avoid it. I grew up in a single parent house, I went thru all of that as a child, I did not want him to go thru the same. If it means a bit my happiness to have a solid life for him/them then it's worth it. But it is wishful thinking that seems to be going down the tubes.


Bman,

Every poster has their own "style" for getting their point across. Some aren't so pleasant in the process. Those are called "2 x 4's" to the head. You wouldn't be the first BS who didn't get the advice they wanted to hear. It probably happens more than not.

Look, I think you made a mistake in staying, for the reasons I've already mentioned. You wouldn't be here if that mistake wasn't starting to rear it's ugly head in consequences to you.

I'm sure all of us want the best outcome for *you*. Most of us just don't think you'll get the best outcome by staying in a situation like this. And if you don't get the best outcome, your child likely won't either - despite what you feel now.


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

BMoreMan said:


> Wow, thanks everyone for the constructive and uplifting discussion.
> 
> Yes the wife's a B***** for doing what she did. Yes I am a F***** idiot for staying. I believed then I could deal with the not my child thing at that time and I still do. When this went down I did not think about myself but rather my son. To tear his life apart at 3 just did not seem right to me if I could avoid it. I grew up in a single parent house, I went thru all of that as a child, I did not want him to go thru the same. If it means a bit my happiness to have a solid life for him/them then it's worth it. But it is wishful thinking that seems to be going down the tubes.


I'm more concerned about your future and a true fulfillment in life than I am about your immediate comfort. You need to get mean.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Under these scenarios, I personally cannot imagine undertaking a reconciliation with a adulteress carrying another man's child.

However, I also cannot understand having the pictures you've got of the POS and not ruining his life....


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

In case this is real...

Do you honestly believe they only had sex once? That right there shows where your mind is at. And you wouldn't have been and still wouldn't be tearing your three year old's life apart. Your wife already did that. And just to add to all that, the chances your wife remains faithful from now on is not very good.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bfree said:


> In case this is real...
> 
> Do you honestly believe they only had sex once? That right there shows where your mind is at. *And you wouldn't have been and still wouldn't be tearing your three year old's life apart. Your wife already did that.* And just to add to all that, the chances your wife remains faithful from now on is not very good.


*^ THIS! A HUNDRED THOUSAND TIMES, THIS!!!*

Dude, you've got to get out of this sham of a marriage. You can't be a proper husband or father to anyone -- be it your child, OM's child, or whichever child -- while you're living w/ the abject shame and humiliation of raising your wife's affair baby as your own.

And as for the usual "...but it's not the child's fault..." garbage -- that's right, it's not. It's your wife's fault, and it's OM's fault, and they should both be held accountable and responsible for it. Not you. NEVER you.

And PLEASE tell me that you weren't declared the legal father of this child...?!? If so, start doing what you can to have that undone. To this end, I hope you saved multiple copies of the paternity test(s). If not, get right on that. The "Cloud" is your friend.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

From another thread...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ving-wifes-affair-triggers-2.html#post8088857



> OM's wife deserves to know what a total piece of sh*t her husband is. You need to tell her. Yesterday.
> 
> _*Expose this piece of sh*t for what he is.*_
> 
> ...


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

BMoreMan said:


> To tear his life apart at 3 just did not seem right to me if I could avoid it.


Your own behavior will take 2 paths if you stay with your wife-
a) You continue your life as a doormat, depressed, whiny and downright pathetic.
b) You slowly but surely devolve into a monster.

That's how most men will evolve. You aren't any different from the norm. Neither are parental examples a child should have. A coward will raise a coward. A monster will raise a monster. 

D her and negotiate for visitation rights if you can. You need to grow up to be someone a growing child can look up to as a father figure. You aren't one right now. Man up.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Dude. when you got to the door, you should have kept on walking and not turned around. You went from the frying pan into the fire by staying and now made it worse by getting her pregnant. If it was me, I would still get out of the marriage. 

It's one thing to forgive your spouse for infidelity but when the OM gets her pregnant and she then makes you believe that it's yours, then you should be able to see the character traits she has. None.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

It's worse, 6301. You must have missed his comment that after DNA testing he discovered that he is NOT the father. That would have done it for me, but he's elected to stay with her. I guess it's true: Love is blind.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Problem is that the OM can count months too!! He knows when they were having sex and can assume he has at least a 50% chance of being the father. I suppose if you are willing to raise and pay for the kid he will sigh in relief!!! When the kid gets older hopefully he will take after his mother!!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

BMoreMan said:


> A*t this point we had been married for 5 years with one son and another on the way.*



She slept with POS five months before your discovery. You are one year out off your DDay but still waiting for her delivery.

How long is the pregnancy period for a women 18 or 19 months?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> She slept with POS five months before your discovery. You are one year out off your DDay but still waiting for her delivery.
> 
> How long is the pregnancy period for a women 18 or 19 months?


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Being your WW is still trying to find ways to break NC with the OM I would suggest you get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.

See if WW agrees to do the things in the book then you will have a shot at saving your marriage.

Even then I am tempted to say you will be better off divorcing her.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Don't let concerns over the kids play into your choice to stay or divorce. I was 10 when my parents divorced. I didn't understand totally what was going on, but things got a lot more peaceful and easy after they were apart. 

They were always fighting, mostly verbally, but near the end it got physical. It was an awful night the night she finally kicked him out for good. 

Either you are both committed to repairing your relationship and working together as a team, or you are just lining up the cards for a lot of future conflict and pain. That is much worse for your kid than divorcing now and becoming a happy healthy individual. 

My dad made and excellent bad example, I would not have been able to see that if my parents stayed together and my Mom kept trying to hold **** together for him.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*We did a brief stint in MC but she took my wifes side on everything because she wanted to make sure the baby was safe. At the end of the day, I loved my wife, my son, and felt I could love the baby even if it wasn't mine. I decided to stand by her and try my best to make it work. I never threw it in her face and have trusted her as best I can. Dude, reread this. I DECIDED TO STAND BY HER AND HAVE TRUSTED HER AS BEST I CAN!!!!! She cheated on you, got pregnant by another man, and you are talking about trusting her :scratchhead::scratchhead: I still find myself checking up on her and what she is doing but as near as I can tell nothing has gone on since then.

So a year later, she is still not sure she made the right decision by not telling the OM about the baby and is struggling with that shame. Why are either of you considering the OM??? Seriously, if this was my wife saying this, there would be a suitcase packed with a diaper bag, and a one way ticket on a Greyhound bus. I am taking a backseat to her emotional instability.And again, I will ask you to reread this. Why??? Why??? I still love my family and am there for all of them. But her not committing to a path, whether it is us being together or not, is wearing on my heart and wellbeing. And you are taking a backseat to her emotional instability and she is not committed to you??? :scratchhead:

She is a great mother and person, You sure are convincing all of us here on TAM. Her poop doesn't stink, she brings a smile to anyone who meets her, she has given millions to charity, can cook a mean cassorole, yada yada yada and I do love her. I'm just not sure how much longer I can continue with this. If she is such a great mother and person why in the world are you talking about continueing???? :scratchhead:*

Brother, you are in such denial of everything it borders on pathological. Your wife bang another man, had his baby, and you are telling us that she is a great mother and person. Honestly, I would call her a cheating, lying no good Ho, who does not give a rip about you, your other child, and is a self centered brat. How does one call a person like your wife a good person? If she is so good, tell your son, friends, family, and everyone you meet, what your wife did and that this baby is the OM's, if she is so great, then let everyone know it.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

If you signed that birth certificate, you are screwed.

Go back and tell that MC to wipe her a** with her certification, because that's all its good for.

Pull yourself up, look in the mirror and find some self-respect. Don't lay this on your son, he doesn't deserve having your life of misery put on his back.


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