# She wont let me move on



## lennonmcharrison (Nov 26, 2013)

Right Ok, this is a humdinger so I hope you are all sat comfortably. Sorry to ramble....

I am 33 years old and I have been married to my estranged wife for 9 years. We met when we were both 16 and were together for nearly a year so we were each other's first loves. This is before she cheated on me with another fella and so we split up and didnt see each other for a number of years.

We met again when we were both 20 and got together again. We had a beautiful son and got married the year after. Things seemed to be going great until about 5 years into the marriage when I found out that she had been sleeping with the local bar man. While this was going on I was always at home looking after our toddler while she went out on her own up to no good.

We talked about splitting up but eventually decided to have another go at the marriage for the child and to save our marriage. Things started to go really well and we had our second child two years later. We were all over the moon ! We had two beautiful children a house and we agreed to the Mrs staying at home to look after the baby while I became the bread winner.

Things were going well until about a year agi. One of my wive's friends started to be at our house more than usual and the wife would be spending lots of time with her. After finding this a bit strange I confironted her and the wife admitted that she was "In love" with this (Female) friend. Obviously shocked and stunned a begged for her to stay and she agreed to think about it while I moved to my Mum & Dad's house.

This went on for about a month before I got a text from her whilst at work saying that she had moved out into a flat with her new girlfriend and that she had told the kids that we we were splitting up (she did this without me being there and without my input). She sold her wedding rings and totally changed (she started doing Cocaine and getting drunk, although not when the kids were there) So christmas last year wasnt very nice although I put a brave face on it all for the kids to make sure they still had a good time.

We agreed to split custody and I stayed at the marital home. It took me a while but I started to move on with my life and started doing more sports and got the old band together for gigs and was starting to feel happier. The kids seemed happy too that I was spending more time with them. This is when I stupidly had an affair with my wife with the idea that we would get back together again. This happened twice, she said she wasnt Gay and wanted to try again. I would have done anything to keep my family together again so I did it. She kept us a secret so I became the other guy (I know its mental !!!) She then went back to her female partner again. 

I decided I wanted a final break and thought she had got the message. I started texting a girl and went our for drinks and it felt good. I didnt miss the wife. This is when she started begging to come home and turned up at work and at the house crying. She begged and begged and begged and then moved herself into the house. So I gave her one final chance with the proviso that if she even remotely stepped out of line that was it. Curtains (or divorce) !

She moved back and it was ok but I dont think it ever felt right. It was our anniversary and I got her flowers and a card and cooked her a meal. She got me nothing !!

Then last week (six weeks into her return) she rang and said she needed to talk. She admitted that she had been texting and seeing this girl again. This was obviously breaking the trust I had stupidly given her when agreeing to the very last chance. I couldn't believe it and neither could her family or friends who had convinced me to give her another chance. I told her to move out on Saturday and she moved back to her mums on the Sunday.

I have told her it is over as I am sure you will all agree I have given her more chances than she deserves ( i added it up to given her at least seven chances). 

She turned up at the house last night and started trying to be nice then turned on me slagging off the girl I was texting (while we werent together). She then took all her clothes off and went to bed begging me for sex. I told her to put her clothes on and leave, but she wouldnt so I slept on the sofa. She then came downstairs and got abusive then apologetic. Then saying she wont let me go Ive told her its over but she keeps saying that she will not let me go and that she wont sign the divorce papers. 

I do not want it to be horrible between us because I think its important that both parents are seen to be getting on ok for the kids but she is making it really hard. Much harder than it needs to be. I just want to move on but she wont let me. Its becoming really tiresome now. I would like to sell the house and get my own place but I dont think finances would allow me to do this. I know that the right thing to do is to get divorced but just need her to leave me alone to move on with my life. Its hard because my eldest kid (he is 10) thinks it is my fault because we havent told him about his mum and the girl she was with beacuse we dont want him upset. She just told him they were friends. So I am the bad guy in his eyes.

I dont profess to be perfect, but I am a decent chap and always ,always put my kids & family first. Any advise on how to get her to leave me alone would be welcome. Sorry its so long, needed to get it off my chest !


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

So you are divorcing right?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Tell your son the truth.

He deserves to know. File for divorce. She can not have it every which way. 

She has cheated over and over again. File for divorce. She will not stop contacting her partner.

File and NC on her.


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## lennonmcharrison (Nov 26, 2013)

My son knows his mum has been cheating but not with the woman. I just dont know if a ten year old would understand it. I dont understand it myself.

And yes, I plan to divorce her, but would prefer to do it amicably if possible.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

She is not going to be amicable so prepare for battle. I hope you have changed the locks to the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lennonmcharrison (Nov 26, 2013)

Dont know why she wouldnt be amicable. I have done nothing wrong and surely she should see that she needs to let go and that she has had too many chances.

The house situation is awkward because she picks the kids up from school and nursery and then gives them tea at my house. I said she could do this until she is sorted with her own place.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

lennonmcharrison said:


> Dont know why she wouldnt be amicable. I have done nothing wrong and surely she should see that she needs to let go and that she has had too many chances.


Oh you will see. 80% chance. Read poster Disenchanted for a 'fun' one. His is sane compared to yours. Actually MOST are sane compared to yours.

Steel yourself sir. Trust me on that one. seen it too many times.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> Oh you will see. 80% chance. Read poster Disenchanted for a 'fun' one. His is sane compared to yours. Actually MOST are sane compared to yours.
> 
> Steel yourself sir. Trust me on that one. seen it too many times.


And carry a voice activated recorder from now on when interacting with her.


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## lennonmcharrison (Nov 26, 2013)

Oh great ! Thats just what I need. I only want a quiet life


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

For all you know she's still doing coke and maybe more. If so, how is she paying for the fixes? How do you know that she and her gf aren't paying for drugs with sex? It's kinda standard in the drug culture. So is stripping. 

Don't be a chump.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Protect yourself and your kids. The VAR is a good idea. The End Game is to get her out of your life. Do it. You don't have to be brutal about it, but start closing all the doors for her into your life.

You are the safe one. You are her landing pad for when her craziness needs to recharge.

Expect her to try and take you for everything that you have and protect yourself. If everything goes fine, then you can be pleasantly surprised.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

First of all, you need to talk to an attorney/solicitor to find out all legal means to get this damaged woman away from you and out of your life. Tell your children the truth - in an age appropriate version. You can't divorce her fast enough.

Then, you need counseling; to find out why you would allow a serial cheater back in your life, time and time again. This woman showed you who she was even before you married her. Codependency, self esteem issues; hyper beta personality; whatever your issue is, you need to work on yourself. I would also recommend you read MMSLP by Athol Kay.

Learn from your misfortune. Don't make the same mistakes again, and move on with your life.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Yep, keep building your divorce case. In most places, it is much more difficult for the father to get a good custody deal compared to the mother. Keep notes on everything she does, gather witnesses, and record every conversation. If you have a smartphone, there are apps for both Android and Apple devices that can automatically record conversations between yourself and another particular phone number. Plus you can use them to instantly record an in-person conversation should one take place. I used to record convo's and just stick my phone in my front shirt pocket.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I can understand why she wont leave you alone. It's because you wont leave her alone. You gave her way too many chances and she now knows that your a push over and with enough badgering she know she will win again.

Dude, she's a loser and the important thing here is not her but your kids. They need a parent whose going to be there for them and she isn't the one that's up for the job. It's up to you to take charge. 

If you haven't learned your lesson with her yet, you never will if you continue the way it's going. Time to swing the hammer and end this farce. Your kids deserve better then what their getting so how about stepping up to the plate and do the right thing.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

It shouldn't be about her LETTING you move on. You need to take ownership of your situation and move on. She can't stop you if you don't let her. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Take of that skirt and Grow a pair !! Your coke sniffing serial cheating "wife" is a threat to you and your kids. Man the F#$k up and Divorce her.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

AlphaHalf said:


> Take of that skirt and Grow a pair !! Your coke sniffing serial cheating "wife" is a threat to you and your kids. Man the F#$k up and Divorce her.


As harshly as this was written, you have to see how weak you are being. Stop thinking you need to be nice and take the high road all the time. 
Your STBXW has thrown your marriage away multiple times, she is a drug user, she has shown her wants are more important than the kids needs.
You are guilty here as well. You are guilty of not protecting your kids. You are letting her play mommy to them and off she will go to hurt them once again soon enough. Her pattern is established.
You need counseling to see why you are such a weak man. Your thread sounds like someone who is satisfied with being hurt, lied to etc... It is sad, and the example it sets for the kids is sad. They are learning to be cheaters, immoral and from you, they are learning to be a doormat. Not exactly great examples of parents.
Get a lawyer, have her served. Follow the advice given. Let the lawyer set up the required drug testing for her, before you will offer any form of custody share. Keep her out of your home. Next time she will not leave, call the police and have her removed.
She is a diseased human and needs to be kept away from those children. So sorry for them that you cant see this. So sorry for them you will read this and think there is still a reason to let her around and continue this pattern you have allowed to be established. Like he said. Grow a pair.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Your wife is a serial cheater, cake eater, and you are an enabler in the worst way possible.

You think you are doing the right thing every time, "keep the family together, for the kids...".... this is a horrible example, you are showing your kids how to be a doormat.

Change the locks, get a lawyer and file.


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