# Saw the ex for the first time since the Divorce...



## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Well, I knew the day would come, and it did. I saw my ex-wife for the first time since the signing of the divorce papers (four months ago).

I was sitting at a stop light when I noticed a vehicle that looked just like "our" vehicle we had when we were married (she got it in the divorce). Sure enough it was her. When the light turned green and we both proceeded as she was passing by, she was waving and had the look of suprise. I just kind of waved. One minute later my cell rang. I did not answer.

About 10 minutes later it rang again and it was her. We chatted briefly, she told me it was really great to see me and wanted to talk again soon. And that was that.

Oddly enough, after the call, I waited for the pain to hit. The missing of her, the thoughts of good times, and the thoughts of why did this divorce happen.

They never came. I felt "indifferent" about everything. I guess I have truly started my journey forward but did not realize just how far I have moved.

I have learned that my "missing of her" seems to be an insecurity in myself. A feeling that had triggered in me that I will never find somebody again. Im starting to believe that this is not the case.

I'm feeling good. I'm not completely there and I struggle at times, but the light at the end of the tunnel may not be a train after all....


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Good deal I think you have crossed another hurdle in moving on.

You have found out that you can see her without back peddling into the past. (which for me at least is a big key on how I measure myself)

I find it interesting that you didn't answer the phone the first time. Kind of like giving her a message that you are fine without her and not sitting by the phone for a call.

Have a great day.

Shoeguy


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

You sir are an inspiration to those of us who have or are going through that. I am glad to hear that there is life and hope after divorce.

I have often wondered what I would do or how I would react if I ever saw my ex-W again since last July. Of course I see her every so often driving down the road, but I try not to "look" in her direction. I still have thoughts of her every day, sometimes of happy memories, sometimes of how she had raked me over the coals in divorce court. I have all but forgiven her. How will I act if I happened to bump in to her at the store? I guess that I will cross that bridge when the time comes.


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Remmons,

Some might say plan for it and others might say just see what happens either way that works for you is best but realize that someday you will probably have that first conversation post divorce.

I have kids involved so I have had to have full conversations about the kids. Summer events and dates is an example of that.

My suggestion would be try your best to act natural and treat her as a distant friend and be nice but speak in general terms. I would compare that meeting to seeing someone you knew in high school that you didn't really hang out with alot but considered yourselves friends.

I found that to work the best for me. When I talked in more depth with my ex about what was going on in my life I tended to start to wonder how she thought about waht I was saying and if she was interested. That made me start the cycle of doubt/questioning or maybe hope again and for me that was a place I try to avoid.

Good luck,

Shoeguy


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

My son and his new band are playing for the first time Wednesday night and his Dad intends to go, but I don't seem to be ready to see him deliberately. I know it will happen at some point when I don't expect it, but I am not ready to do it on purpose yet. I still love him, even though I know I should be letting him go.


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