# In the same house and seperated



## Lo1984 (Jan 6, 2016)

My wife asked me for a seperation. Out of anger and emotion i said fine and left. two days later i came home and said i was not leaving and that i would fight to the end for our marriage. i told her if she wanted to leave she could but she didnt. we then agreed on an in house seperation where we would not talk and we would alternate leaving the house in the afternoons so we would not be home with eachother that much. this has been going o for a week. She had a trip planned with a freind this weekend where they were going to go see a wedding expo because her freind is getting married. All week I have been trying to help her and be nice and basiclly kiss her butt and all i ever got was coldness and ugliness. well thursday my mom got hit by a truck. thankfully she was ok but my wife did not even care and she and my mom were best of freinds and my mom was always there for her becaus her mom was not. This really hurt me and then to top it off my mom could not watch our daughter so it put her trip in jeaperdy. this made put her in a bad mood and when i finally got home she was pissed at me and the kids to the point where she told me to just get away and leave. she finally got a freind to watch our daughter but it was somebody we hardley ever see and my daughter has never been with. I could not get off from work because i had been non productive all week due to everything that was happening. To make matters worse she had her mom get take our other kids to school so the kids had to wake up at 5:30 in the morning because her mom had to be at work by seven so the kids had to go to school early. She would have never done this before and it seems like she has put her social life in front of me and our family. This actually made me mad to the point where it did not bother me that she left but now I cant help but wonder what she is doing and feel even more sadness and pain. What if she comes back even more distant? what if she really liked the time away from all of us? I am hanging on by a thread already and if she comes back the same way she left or even more distant I think it would break me and i would have nervous breakdown. I have loved her for 12 years now and been married for eleven. All this happen so quick and unplanned and suddenly. She had no plans, she just wanted space and didnt even think about anything. What do I do? How do i get over all my feelings? I feel like my life is in ruin and I can not go on without her! I am literlly a mess and need some advice.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it's hard.

The first thing that you do is what you have already done. Do not move out. The house is your legal residence and your children live there. She cannot kick you out, nor you her.

You need to pull yourself together and not be overly emotional. Look at the 180 link in my signature block below. You need to interact with her more like that. I don't mean that you need to cold or but instead you need to be in control of your own emotions.

What are you doing these days to take care of yourself? You need to do things like get some exercise and do things that make you feel better and stronger. You cannot save your marriage or move on if you are falling apart. I know it's hard, but you need to pull yourself together.

And do things with your children. That will help too.

Why does she say that she wants to separate? What are her complaints?

Does she have a job?


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## Hopefulforhappy (Dec 23, 2015)

She sounds very selfish. I think you all need to work out a legal arrangement even if it involves living in the same house. I get why you won't leave. I don't get why she won't unless its monetary reasons. This can't be good on the kids or you either way. Contact an attorney to explore your options if she's not willing to accommodate an adult conversation. You're in quicksand right now.


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