# ex out with other woman tonight and I'm doing fine!



## grays (Jun 24, 2014)

I am shocked and I can't believe this. :smthumbup: The last time he went out with her (and btw, this was not a physical affair, but he thought he "might be in love with her") was probably about 2 months ago, the night that he was supposed to be telling her that he was trying to figure out what's going on with his marriage, yada, yada... so he wasn't going to be spending time with her. Well, I'm thinking it was a lost message since he was with her for 11 hours that night to tell her.  And that night, I actually lost four pounds, felt for the entire 11 hours like I was about to hyperventilate, racing heart, complete inability to function or do anything at all, just parked my kids in front of one screen or another and pretty much felt like I was going to die. 

But that's all water under the bridge now bc I AM ALRIGHT!!! I cannot believe it! Like I said, it's only been a couple of months, but I have really managed to change my whole mindset and I feel pretty excited about having a new life and getting on with things. Somehow him moving forward with OW feels like such a relief. PHEW! 

ETA: Just a little context... We were together for 25 years (25th anniversary of our first kiss is in a few days  ), then he started hanging out with OW until four in the morning, then said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me anymore. I was absolutely miserable until he moved out of the bedroom four months later, but have been really working on building myself a life and I think I'm doing a pretty good job! He's still not sure, but I don't really care about that anymore.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So your still married? Is that right?

Good for you!!! It sounds like you are doing what is best for you. Maybe should file for divorce now?


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## grays (Jun 24, 2014)

We are still married and we plan on remaining married at least until I have a job with health insurance (I've been a SAHM for the last 11 years, will begin actively looking for a job when the kids start school). We're also planning on continuing to live together indefinitely, though, once I'm working, we're hoping to be able to sell our current house and buy a duplex. We've got a five year old and a ten year old and are hoping that they will both always have access to the both of us and vice versa. 

I feel like the major stumbling block to living with him separated-ly, for me, was whether or not I was going to be able to handle him dating. All of the other stuff has seemed really do-able. Like, we don't fight and we basically like each other and enjoy each other's company. There has been no hint of backsliding or romantic anything. I do think it might feel complicated and difficult when we're having to consider the feelings of future partners. But I feel now like I can roll with the punches a bit -- see if/how we can make this work and if not, then try something else. 

More than anything, I am just happy to be OKAY!  I remember the first night that he moved out feeling like it was going to be the end of the world to walk into the bedroom and close the door and be alone. But it wasn't and, a couple of months later now, I am not so sure why I thought that'd be so bad. And then the OW/dating thing was like the last hurdle, yk? Like the last thing that I thought might bring me down, but it didn't. Woot!


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