# do you tell a person if you are "in love" with them?



## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

i am in love with a lady (and she is not married/taken) so should i tell her that i am in love?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Not unless you've been actually dating her for some time. If you're not dating her, then it's creepy, and what you are feeling may be infatuation, not love.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

My husband told me right away. I had to think about it for 24 hours, but then I accepted it.

It can actually be helpful to be clear and direct right off the bat. If she does not feel the same, you can part ways without letting your feelings get stronger.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I would not trust any man saying this to me unless he grew to know me over a period of months.. I would consider it purely infatuation (the hormones revved up, all the new excitement, everything seems so "perfect") ... this doesn't mean it won't develop into LOVE.. is surely can!!.. but far too often, someone says it prematurely.. the other trusts it.. then heartbreak is down the road..

Have a friend where the guy said this early on.. every time they would break up, she'd call me crying saying "but he said he loved me?" and asking me over & over "Why did he do that?" This just made it worse for her..

It takes *Time*.. in fact Relationship experts say there is no way to tell the difference between infatuation and something "Lasting" until you've reached the mark around 18 months of courtship/ dating. if you make it THIS FAR and are still feeling those strong feelings, loving this person.. you have beat the odds.


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> Not unless you've been actually dating her for some time. If you're not dating her, then it's creepy, and what you are feeling may be infatuation, not love.


not dating her but she is my tennis partner that i just started playing mixed doubles with.
she is just over 30 so i'm not sure if she will love me anyway as i am 18. 
how do i know if i am infatuated?



jld said:


> My husband told me right away. I had to think about it for 24 hours, but then I accepted it.
> 
> It can actually be helpful to be clear and direct right off the bat. If she does not feel the same, you can part ways without letting your feelings get stronger.


sounds good, or is there a way to let her know without me saying the words "i am in love with you"? 
i wouldn't mind her finding out without me saying it etc.
we play club tennis together so can't part ways :butterfly::fish:


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

It is highly unlikely that a 30 year old woman would be in love with a teenager. I don't think I'd tell you you are "in love" with her. Why do you feel like you are? What about her do you love?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

How about looking for someone your own age, instead?


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I would not trust any man saying this to me unless he grew to know me over a period of months.. I would consider it purely infatuation (the hormones revved up, all the new excitement, everything seems so "perfect") ... this doesn't mean it won't develop into LOVE.. is surely can!!.. but far too often, someone says it prematurely.. the other trusts it.. then heartbreak is down the road..
> 
> Have a friend where the guy said this early on.. every time they would break up, she'd call me crying saying "but he said he loved me?" and asking me over & over "Why did he do that?" That just made it worse for him..
> 
> It takes Time.. in fact Relationship experts say there is no way to tell the difference between infatuation and something "Lasting" until you've reached the mark around 19 months of courtship/ dating. if you make it THIS FAR and are still feeling those strong feelings, loving this person.. you have beat the odds.


it sounds like it might be too risky for me to say/tell her then..
could she maybe tell i'm in love with her without me saying?
when i am with her my breathing is harder to control and i speak nervously.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Never go there.. you may freak her out!!.. she doesn't REALLY KNOW you, most likely she'll pause due to your age.. knowing it IS infatuation (if she's a smart women).. you are not emotionally involved yet... at the very least... you need to be dating her before you share an "I love you"....

Here is a good article...about LOVE not being enough...for a long lasting anything...

Love is Not Enough

*1.* Love does not equal compatibility.



> Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.
> 
> It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.
> 
> It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.


*2*. Love does not solve your relationship problems.

*3*. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. 

It speaks about the "Friendship Test" also....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marriage_student said:


> it sounds like it might be too risky for me to say/tell her then..
> could she maybe tell i'm in love with her without me saying?
> when i am with her my breathing is harder to control and i speak nervously.


If she's an intuitive women, she is going to know, at the very least you have a BAD CRUSH ON HER.. yeah.. in this way.. she will drop subtle hints if she is feeling the same way.. if she is NOT interested at all.. and you go throwing the "Love bomb".. she may feel a need to break contact with you.. this too, happens.. if we are not interested in someone, we don't want to "feed it"... Just saying.


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

jld said:


> How about looking for someone your own age, instead?


i don't look for love it just finds me.
this is the 2nd person this year i've had feelings for (but the other is married). 
i can't predict what age they will be, just happens to be older (but the married lady is only 4 years older than me).



SecondTime'Round said:


> It is highly unlikely that a 30 year old woman would be in love with a teenager. I don't think I'd tell you you are "in love" with her. Why do you feel like you are? What about her do you love?


the more nervous i am the more feelings i have and i'm the most nervous ever around her.
most ladies that i like i only think about their breasts/bottom etc but this lady i think about at night and i think of kissing her and not just about sexual things. 
i might be moving in with her cos she is looking for a roommate and i havent told her i will move in (cos i was not really looking for a new place to live) but today ive decided i will move in with her!
i guess not good to say "i am in love with you" cos it might spoil the roommate relationship.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I don't think moving in with her is a good idea.


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If she's an intuitive women, she is going to know, at the very least you have a BAD CRUSH ON HER.. yeah.. in this way.. she will drop subtle hints if she is feeling the same way.. if she is NOT interested at all.. and you go throwing the "Love bomb".. she may feel a need to break contact with you.. this too, happens.. if we are not interested in someone, we don't want to "feed it"... Just saying.


for sure i'll keep it secret for now (if she doesn't know my secret).
she seems to be same as usual so if she knows i'm in love then it seems ok!



SimplyAmorous said:


> Never go there.. you may freak her out!!.. she doesn't REALLY KNOW you, most likely she'll pause due to your age.. knowing it IS infatuation (if she's a smart women).. you are not emotionally involved yet... at the very least... you need to be dating her before you share an "I love you"....
> 
> Here is a good article...about LOVE not being enough...for a long lasting anything...
> 
> ...


i might just be her friend then and see if she likes more.
anything to keep her from leaving, that's the main thing.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Do you have a mother?


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

jld said:


> I don't think moving in with her is a good idea.


i really want to badly, i'll keep control and just be a friend and see if she wants more of me.


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Do you have a mother?


i did but she's not alive now.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

marriage_student said:


> i did but she's not alive now.


When did you lose her?

Are you involved in any kind of activities that would allow you to meet girls your own age?


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

marriage_student said:


> i don't look for love it just finds me.
> this is the 2nd person this year i've had feelings for (but the other is married).
> i can't predict what age they will be, just happens to be older (but the married lady is only 4 years older than me).
> 
> ...


I am a married female in her forties.

*Exactly why* do you want to move into her place as a roommate considering your feelings for her?

*Exactly what* do you want to happen by being her roommate considering your feelings for her?

*Exactly what* do you expect to happen by being her roommate considering your feelings for her?

*Exactly what* do you want to happen by telling her that you love her?

*Exactly what* do you expect to happen by telling her that you love her?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think it is a really bad idea. You are just putting yourself at great temptation.

What if she starts dating someone? You will be heartbroken.


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

marriage_student said:


> i really want to badly, i'll keep control and just be a friend and see if she wants more of me.


Oh but you want to be more than friends.

Please read this link, which I found on this website...

https://danielmiessler.com/blog/on-spending-time-with-the-opposite-sex/

You claim you want to be friends, but covertly you are shooting for much more than that. Exactly how is that fair to her?


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> When did you lose her?
> 
> Are you involved in any kind of activities that would allow you to meet girls your own age?


yeah i play tennis and there are ladies my age there too but my mixed doubles partner is 31.
i don't have any female friends, apart from my mixed doubles partner and my neighbour (and my neighbour is 22 but shes married). 



spunkycat08 said:


> I am a married female in her forties.
> 
> *Exactly why* do you want to move into her place as a roommate considering your feelings for her?
> 
> ...


if she doesn't show romantic interest then i want to be her friend cos it would be better to be her friend than be nothing to her.
i just decided in the last few minutes to not tell her that i'm in love so no problem


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

jld said:


> I think it is a really bad idea. You are just putting yourself at great temptation.
> 
> *What if she starts dating someone? You will be heartbroken.*


OP:

Regarding the bolded part in pink...

*Exactly what* will you do if and when that happens?


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

jld said:


> I think it is a really bad idea. You are just putting yourself at great temptation.
> 
> What if she starts dating someone? You will be heartbroken.


yep for sure, that would be hard.



spunkycat08 said:


> Oh but you want to be more than friends.
> 
> Please read this link, which I found on this website...
> 
> ...


i'll just be a friend and see if she hints at liking/loving me.
i'm happy to be friends if thats all there is. 
before i started this thread i was only looking for her love but i've changed my mind now and will be ok as her friend if she doesn't want more things


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

spunkycat08 said:


> OP:
> 
> Regarding the bolded part in pink...
> 
> *Exactly what* will you do if and when that happens?


can't really predict that, maybe by then she'll have shown no interest in me so we'll be friends for life so her dating won't bother me.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

marriage_student said:


> i really want to badly, i'll keep control and just be a friend and see if she wants more of me.


Well at least it would get you away from the married neighbor....


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Well at least it would get you away from the married neighbor....


i agree kill too birds with a stone kind of. 
or have one bird kill the other bird etc


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

OP:

You are young, inexperienced, and your naivety is showing itself.

You will have to learn the hard way.

Please listen to wisdom before making your decisions.

It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

marriage_student said:


> i agree kill too birds with a stone kind of.
> or have one bird kill the other bird etc


How about let's not talk about "killing" when we're discussing two women you should probably be staying away from.....:surprise:


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

spunkycat08 said:


> OP:
> 
> You are young, inexperienced, and your naivety is showing itself.
> 
> ...



i agree i'm not as wise as other people out there.
as long as i can be around her i'm happy :grin2:



SecondTime'Round said:


> How about let's not talk about "killing" when we're discussing two women you should probably be staying away from.....:surprise:


i agree, they should change the wording of that saying.


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

I am beginning to wonder if the entire story is real due to the OP's replies.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Don't do anything relationship wise before getting yourself into a bereavement support group.


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

spunkycat08 said:


> I am beginning to wonder if the entire story is real due to the OP's replies.


i haven't told her that i'm looking for a place to live, so its not real yet.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

You are sexually attracted to her body. Same as with the other woman before her. You're not "in love." That's a completely different beast.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

spunkycat08 said:


> I am beginning to wonder if the entire story is real due to the OP's replies.


Read through some of his others.

OP- if you are real and aren't just having fun here, you need to look into therapy for yourself and no, not with someone you could become sexually attracted to.
You seem extremely behind where you should be for your age and have a hard time understanding things like jokes to reading cues and body language to how to display proper behavior for someone your age. Your posts make it sound like you could have Asperger syndrome.


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

marriage_student said:


> i am in love with a lady (and she is not married/taken) so should i tell her that i am in love?


I would really hold off on this one... people throw the word/ this term around so frequently these days that it has lost its meaning in my opinion. 95% of the time people mistake being in love with infatuation or a very hard crush. Also many times when a person pays attention to you and makes you feel a certain way its easy to think that you have feelings for them, when really you just like how they make you feel... I have truly felt the in love feeling once in my 39 years... its something that hits you like a ton of bricks, it does not fade, in fact it feels stronger every day. That person will challenge you to be the best "you" you can be, you will fall deeper in love with everything about them, and equally love how they make you feel inside. I thought i knew what love was in the past, but looking back, as i was much younger and it was more a playful friendship love. It was not that knock you down, electric, feels like once in a lifetime feeling that changes you at the core.... anyways yes i would really wait until you are 100% you feel in love, and also wait until you feel she is in love with you too  

felt the need to edit, i just read some other posts on this thread, i surely hope this is real !! i put some serious time and effort into this ^^^ hmmp


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Tell her you love her, tell her you don't think about just her breast and bottom but of kissing her all over. Tell her you want to move in with her not as a room mate but as her lover.

She's either going to jump your bones and screw your brains out or file a restraining order against you. My monies on the retraining order.


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## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

I think you may be attracted to her because she's older and probably more confident and comfortable in her own skin than a younger girl your age. The fact that she probably isn't even considering you as relationship material is likely part of what is fueling your desire to chase her. She can probably tell that you have a crush and I imagine that is flattering to her. How far she will let that go (and whether she will use you or not) depends on her character. The physical stuff can happen and can actually be pretty amazing as I believe that you are at your prime and she is at hers but I wouldn't expect her to take you seriously in a long term relationship.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

The part I bolded and underlined means you are just lusting after her, not in love. 




marriage_student said:


> i don't look for love it just finds me.
> *this is the 2nd person this year i've had feelings for *(but the other is married).
> i can't predict what age they will be, just happens to be older (but the married lady is only 4 years older than me).
> 
> ...


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

Soveryalone said:


> I would really hold off on this one... people throw the word/ this term around so frequently these days that it has lost its meaning in my opinion. 95% of the time people mistake being in love with infatuation or a very hard crush. Also many times when a person pays attention to you and makes you feel a certain way its easy to think that you have feelings for them, when really you just like how they make you feel... I have truly felt the in love feeling once in my 39 years... its something that hits you like a ton of bricks, it does not fade, in fact it feels stronger every day. That person will challenge you to be the best "you" you can be, you will fall deeper in love with everything about them, and equally love how they make you feel inside. I thought i knew what love was in the past, but looking back, as i was much younger and it was more a playful friendship love. It was not that knock you down, electric, feels like once in a lifetime feeling that changes you at the core.... anyways yes i would really wait until you are 100% you feel in love, and also wait until you feel she is in love with you too
> 
> felt the need to edit, i just read some other posts on this thread, i surely hope this is real !! i put some serious time and effort into this ^^^ hmmp


she definitely pays attention to me, so that is part of why i'm in love i guess. 
i agree it is electric and knocks me down, you definitely know what i feel for her. 
but i don't want to risk scaring her off, so i won't tell her. 
even if she never shows a romantic interest in me i'd love to live with her 



laroo said:


> I think you may be attracted to her because she's older and probably more confident and comfortable in her own skin than a younger girl your age. The fact that she probably isn't even considering you as relationship material is likely part of what is fueling your desire to chase her. She can probably tell that you have a crush and I imagine that is flattering to her. How far she will let that go (and whether she will use you or not) depends on her character. The physical stuff can happen and can actually be pretty amazing as I believe that you are at your prime and she is at hers but I wouldn't expect her to take you seriously in a long term relationship.


i hope she knows i have a crush on her because if she knows it means she might like me too.
but even if she doesn't like me back i look forward to being around her more.
i think she is flattered by my interest maybe.
yep i read that ladies are more passionate after 30 often


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> The part I bolded and underlined means you are just lusting after her, not in love.


as long as i can be around her i'll be happy even if its not love.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

ask her on a date if you care that much. at that age she is likely not to want to settle down, many women are just MLC'ing/only just discovering themselves.

she cant give you a family

expect to prove you can stand on your own two feet, she is not your mother/support person

she might just see you as a quick thrill or a friend to fun (even sex romp with)

dont blow your cash on her, you're young and need to set yourself up/invest in yourself

if you dont want to risk a date you're not worthy/in love
if you do, and she says no, you know where you stand, chase other cougars instead


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

Cooper said:


> Tell her you love her, tell her you don't think about just her breast and bottom but of kissing her all over. Tell her you want to move in with her not as a room mate but as her lover.
> 
> She's either going to jump your bones and screw your brains out or file a restraining order against you. My monies on the retraining order.


lmfao dude , i needed that laugh :laugh:


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## woman (Aug 19, 2011)

Either show her you like her by asking her on a date (don't tell her you're in love with her though - too much), or work on getting over your crush. Being her "friend" when you secretly want more is disingenuous and unfair to her and won't make you happy in the long term.


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

Personal said:


> Instead of crushing on married women and older single women, you would be better served by pursuing women who are single and around your age.


i agree, its more ideal/less controversial. 
but i don't mean to pursue anyone, they just land in my lap.
if they don't land in my lap then its because they aren't attractive/friendly enough. 
i mean i didn't mean to fall in love with this lady.
can't choose who ya fall in love with etc.
i haven't fall in love/lust with anyone under 22 this year.



woman said:


> Either show her you like her by asking her on a date (don't tell her you're in love with her though - too much), or work on getting over your crush. Being her "friend" when you secretly want more is disingenuous and unfair to her and won't make you happy in the long term.


if i have the courage to ask her on a date i will, but i'm usually nervous around so it won't be easy. 
but i'll try to soon.


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

spotthedeaddog said:


> ask her on a date if you care that much. at that age she is likely not to want to settle down, many women are just MLC'ing/only just discovering themselves.
> 
> she cant give you a family
> 
> ...


i don't mind if we don't have kids, i just want to live with her, and i told her today i would like to share her rent, so she said for me to come over tomorrow so i will. i've never seen her house even yet!
thanks for each tip, it sounds exciting, and i can't wait to get to each moment


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