# Sex Schedule. Does it work?



## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

So both my wife and I admit we aren't having sex as often as we think we should. Probably ranging from 2-3 times monthly. We have 2 young children. My wife needs her sleep. She goes to bed a couple hours before me during the work week. From the time our kids go to bed each night we have an hour to an hour and a half before my wife hits the wall.

We watched a show a few weeks ago where the couple put sex on the calendar. I jokingly texted her a couple days later about having an appointment with her later that night. She mentioned to me later that day about having an appointment. We had sex that night. The anticipation was actually very exciting. Last night my wife was very tired, but asked if I wanted to put her on the schedule for tonight. Again, I have been pretty excited and enjoying the anticipation.

Anyways, my wife mentioned a couple months ago that three times a week of sex is an ideal thing for her. I think her drive would be suited for 1-2 times a week initially. Of course, something always seems to come up and three times a week doesn't occur. If my wife and I decide that we wanna have sex twice a week, is it insane to schedule it?

I have always been against that because it seems to lack spontinaity and could be viewed as a chore. Well, neither my wife or I are all that spontaneous, and the last few times of "scheduled" sex has gone very well. The build up, at least currently, seems to work for us. Foreplay has become more varied and entertaining, toys have been used, sex positions remain a little vanilla, but she talks dirty and seems to enjoy herself.

Has anyone followed through with a sex schedule or even tried one? Is it a bad idea?

Just interested in hearing some thoughts.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Normally I agree with you, scheduling sex dulls the spontanity. It did for me when I was in a sort of long-distance relationship where sex was pretty much a weekend only thing.

That said, it's clearly working for you, so why not stick to it? I'd express your concern to your wife and maybe set up a plan to slowly transition from scheduling it to spontenaity, but for now, why rock the boat? It's getting sex to become more frequent, and apparently better as well. Roll with it for a while at least.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

My idea was to schedule minimum sex.

Sex on Sunday night every week. It could happen spontaneously throughout the week, but on Sunday night it is scheduled. If the spontaneous night occurs on Saturday, then Sunday becomes optional.

Thought this would counter her argument that it has to be spontaneous. Also, that me knowing it is going to happen on Sunday would make being rejected other nights easier to handle.

She didn't go for it though.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> Normally I agree with you, scheduling sex dulls the spontanity. It did for me when I was in a sort of long-distance relationship where sex was pretty much a weekend only thing.
> 
> That said, it's clearly working for you, so why not stick to it? I'd express your concern to your wife and maybe set up a plan to slowly transition from scheduling it to spontenaity, but for now, why rock the boat? It's getting sex to become more frequent, and apparently better as well. Roll with it for a while at least.



:smthumbup:
Well, we aren't really on a set schedule now. It is more of a situation where the morning of or the night before we "schedule" time.

Given the fact that we both have discussed the desire to have sex more frequently, but have failed to put our money where our mouth is so to speak, I thought this might be a way to ensure we follow through.

My idea was to basically go through the next 2-3 months on a schedule and see what our thought are at that point. Its not like sex is off the table either. i am just afraid of wasting good sexual years just waiting for an ideal time to have things increase.

Thanks for your reply.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

We schedule it. We have to, or it wouldn't happen. We also have two young kids, both work full time, and evenings are chaotic at best. We are both absolutely EXHAUSTED at the end of the day...seirously, by the time the kids are in bed, my brain is just fried. 

It isn't a hard schedule - like, every Wednesday night we will have sex.

But, usually I have to tell him in the morning before we leave for work - hey, put it on your itinerary for tonight. That is the only way we both won't just fall asleep on the couch, and we both will make an extra effort to get the chores done early and get the kids in bed a little earlier to have time to ourselves.

We used to try to be spontaneous and neither one of us would stay awake long enough to act on the desire. 

It's also a given that if we are home on a Saturday or Sunday in the middle of the day, during the kids nap times, that we will have sex then. (Believe it or not, this is actually a rarity, we are usually on the run every single weekend doing something and rarely home. )


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I wish my wife was like you kag and take an active interest in it.

When we scheduled it, I would jokingly reminder her in the morning about it and she would roll her eyes.


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## mikeyb (Jul 8, 2012)

We were having a bad time too and i suggested scheduling (date night) and it worked very well for us. It seems it worked for you too so keep it up and occasionally be spontaneous.


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

We don't have set days but we don't allow more than 3-4 days pass without sex. I changed jobs recently and have to get up very early. I'm usually completely wiped out by 8:30pm and dh by 9-10pm. Sometimes we go to bed and set the alarm for 2am. By 3:30am for sure I'm back to sleep for my 4:45am alarm.


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## triton1984 (Nov 20, 2009)

Tends to backfire if we schedule....something happens that derails it, then one or both of us is left upset. We generally try to not let more than a couple of days go between having sex.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

With two kids, work and everything else going on, scheduling it becomes necessary. The other afternoon was just an opportunity that we took advantage of at the last minute and it was awesome, but I kind of like when we plan ahead, too. It build up and then by that night, I'm in a frenzy.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Ugh.. Schedules. The only schedule I can manage is "Quick, the kids are distracted! ROOM TIME!" And then usually 6-7 minutes later, the baby comes crying because she misses us.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Here is a little update:

We had our scheduled session last night. It wasn't a knock your socks of session but it was intimate. Afterwards we were talking like we normally do. I had intentions of bringing up my desire to schedule on a regular basis to ensure we continue to make sex a bit higher of a priority.

Before I had a chance to say anything, my wife mentions that likes the idea of scheduling sex. She feels it takes the pressure of either party being the primary initiator. We decided on a fairly loose schedule of once during the weekend and once during a weekday.

Pretty excited about this to be honest. Will continue to keep you guys updated on how the schedule is working out.


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

For sure it can...or not...

My theory on scheduled sex (and perhaps your experience will help either confirm or refute this) is that:

If she's someone who usually doesn't purposefully plan out her days, someone who writes things down but still may or may not get around to actually doing them...then this approach will likely be pretty pointless

BUT, if she's a natural schedule-keeper, list-maker, box-checker type, then this will play right into her natural neural hard-wiring:


Making it easier for her 

And more sex for you

(regarding 'intimacy' and 'passion'...yeah, it wouldn't surprise me if you're a little disappointed on those fronts...because I think that the women who can hold themselves to a schedule aren't responding from those "feeling" brain centers...like I said, the motivation is a "task-orientated" drive)

But honestly, if she makes it a point to follow through with it...I'd try to be happy with she gives you, as long as she comes to bed with a fairly 'willing' heart

Men and Women are both slaves to their biology...and motherhood just curbs sexual interest in many women...

You (the man) have to work to reignite it...so while you're having scheduled sex work on your "Manning Up" behavior...because that's what's usually needed to reignite the "passion".


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sorry all booked up until next month! LOL


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## DrDavidCOlsen (Oct 7, 2012)

Couples with young children have to be adaptive. The notion that there can be spontaneous sex which parenting small children simply puts more pressure and is unrealistic. Scheduling sex for couples with young children is a positive choice, and will not necessarily ruin spontaneity. It is is essential for couples to put a boundary around their relationship and make sure they cultivate time for their relationship, including sex. DrDavidCOlsen, author "The Couple's Survival Workbook"


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