# i feel terrible



## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

hello here i am,i need advice on the situation. i am sorry if i dont write proper grammer .my first language is not english.

my husband and i are married 8 years. we have a son together who is 3 yearsold. i love my husband so much i just cannot accept what is happening. i feel terrible and worthless. i caught my husband cheating on me online. he had a fake face account which i didnt know about. i caught it in his messages he wrote to his ex girlfriend. he wanted to meet for a coffee with her.he tells me they never got together it was a mistake what he did. he wants to continue our marriage . but the thing what hurts me is that if the x girlfriend maybe write back to him to meet would he do it. in my mind its says yes he would. i dont know what would u do in this situation. part of me wants to leave this marriage cause i cannot cope with the pain and i cant trust him anymore. i loved him so much i still do love him . but what if it happens again. so many questions on my mind. i am sorry for the grammer.


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## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

i cried so much when i found out. he did not apologize first. he even hit me once . i dont know what i should do.


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## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

75 people viewed it and no one has anything to say ..ok i guess i am alone everywhere


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

He got caught and he hit you? He didn't apologize at first, then what did he say?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

He cheats on you and hits you??? Not sure where you live or what the laws are like. Could you divorce him and get custody of your child?


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

brokenheart2013 said:


> 75 people viewed it and no one has anything to say ..ok i guess i am alone everywhere


Hi. You are not alone. Your first to last posts are only 14 minutes apart. The reason for the posts not coming in immediately could be because of time zone perhaps?

Hey, don't worry about your English being your "second language". I only know English - you are extremely clever because you have more than one language. 

Your English is good. Please excuse me saying this ... your English may not be 100% grammatically correct, but it is VERY EASY to understand what you are saying. Your point comes across very clearly. I hope you don't mind me giving my opinion on this.

Don't worry ... you will hear from other TAM/CWI participants. Their advice will be very good, and very helpful.

Good luck.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

brokenheart2013 said:


> hello here i am,i need advice on the situation. i am sorry if i dont write proper grammer .my first language is not english.
> 
> my husband and i are married 8 years. we have a son together who is 3 yearsold. i love my husband so much i just cannot accept what is happening. i feel terrible and worthless. i caught my husband cheating on me online. he had a fake face account which i didnt know about. i caught it in his messages he wrote to his ex girlfriend. he wanted to meet for a coffee with her.he tells me they never got together it was a mistake what he did. he wants to continue our marriage . but the thing what hurts me is that if the x girlfriend maybe write back to him to meet would he do it. in my mind its says yes he would. i dont know what would u do in this situation. part of me wants to leave this marriage cause i cannot cope with the pain and i cant trust him anymore. i loved him so much i still do love him . but what if it happens again. so many questions on my mind. i am sorry for the grammer.


If cheating on you isn't a deal-breaker for you, *hitting* you *SHOULD* be! 

After being in (and out) of several physically abusive relationships, I now have a -ZERO- tolerance policy. The first time a man hits me will be HIS *LAST*. 

My opinion is, that no one--male OR female--should wait around for the SECOND time. 

Your husband is NOT a safe person, brokenheart. And he probably won't change. Please keep yourself safe. 

Vega


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## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

verpin zal said:


> He got caught and he hit you? He didn't apologize at first, then what did he say?


thank you everyone for writing to me i will try to answer all of you. i need to talk with someone so badly.

yes when i caught his fake account and the messages between them i got really upset i was really angry i dont know what happen to me at that time. i started to break everything in the house and then he hit me. he did not wanted to accept the that the girl he was writing to is his x girlfriend. he said she is someone he knows from a school long time. their just friends. and then i said if she was his friend he would keep it in his real face account. he started to yell at me he was really angry started to blame me for everything.


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## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

Jasel said:


> He cheats on you and hits you??? Not sure where you live or what the laws are like. Could you divorce him and get custody of your child?


i dont know if he had physical affair. he says he did not do anything.it was just stupid chatting he says he never met her outside. just online talk. but still it hurts me so much. i live in canada i have no one here except my husband. i can divorce but i am so scared i dont have a job .i never worked how can i survive. but part of me wants to leave so much.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

okey the first rule to break affairs is public exposure, so, find out if the Xgf have a husband or boyfriend, send him a message, mail, call to his work, tell him that you know they are (your husband and his woman) contacting by a second FB account and also tell her you know he is contacting her to stay away, for whAt i see in your post still nothing has happened yet so this could be enough mitigate the fire, also you can contact your husband parents and let them know the situatuation, if they are good people they will put some sense on him.

(you dont want to invlove yout friends and your side of the family because nothing have really happened yet)

this would only work if it was a moment of weakness if he is determined to do it again (because he was the one who initiate the advance) he will just look for another person, see his reaction after you blow his attemp of affair this would help you to know if he is checking out of the marriage.

second, talk to him, sit him down and asking why is he doing this? , that his actions are hurting you, tell him to share with you what can the both of you do to improve the marriage.


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## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

disconnected said:


> Hi. You are not alone. Your first to last posts are only 14 minutes apart. The reason for the posts not coming in immediately could be because of time zone perhaps?
> 
> Hey, don't worry about your English being your "second language". I only know English - you are extremely clever because you have more than one language.
> 
> ...


thank you so much for the nice comment it feels really good to hear stuff like that at this time.


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## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

Vega said:


> If cheating on you isn't a deal-breaker for you, *hitting* you *SHOULD* be!
> 
> After being in (and out) of several physically abusive relationships, I now have a -ZERO- tolerance policy. The first time a man hits me will be HIS *LAST*.
> 
> ...


no cheating and hitting both are really bad.


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## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

manticore said:


> okey the first rule to break affairs is public exposure, so, find out if the Xgf have a husband or boyfriend, send him a message, mail, call to his work, tell him that you know they are (your husband and his woman) contacting by a second FB account and also tell her you know he is contacting her to stay away, for whAt i see in your post still nothing has happened yet so this could be enough mitigate the fire, also you can contact your husband parents and let them know the situatuation, if they are good people they will put some sense on him.
> 
> (you dont want to invlove yout friends and your side of the family because nothing have really happened yet)
> 
> ...


yes i did that i contacted the other womens husband saying that my husband and his wife were talking online and i found out about it and he should know it too. but he never write me back. i guess its normal for them. and then i told my husband about this that i contacted the other womens husband he got really angry we started to fight again and hold me in my neck try to choke me kind of. hold my arm and throw me to the wall. next day my arm was full purple. cause of the violence. and then he apologize said sorry but somethings are broken in my heart. i have love for him but i still wanna leave. will i be able survive without him. i dont know i feel terrible useless worthless. whenever i go out shopping etc i compare myself with other ladies i am thinking everyone is more beautifull then i am.my parents and his parents dont know about it. they dont live here. would he do it again. its si hard to trust him now. he says you have to trust me after all the pain i went through he wants me to behave like nothing happened. but i just cant. i am so hurt .


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

brokenheart2013 said:


> *yes i did that i contacted the other womens husband saying that my husband and his wife were talking online and i found out about it and he should know it too. but he never write me back*. i guess its normal for them. and then i told my husband about this that i contacted the other womens husband he got really angry we started to fight again and hold me in my neck try to choke me kind of. hold my arm and throw me to the wall. next day my arm was full purple. cause of the violence. and then he apologize said sorry but somethings are broken in my heart. i have love for him but i still wanna leave. will i be able survive without him. i dont know i feel terrible useless worthless. whenever i go out shopping etc i compare myself with other ladies i am thinking everyone is more beautifull then i am.my parents and his parents dont know about it. they dont live here. would he do it again. its si hard to trust him now. he says you have to trust me after all the pain i went through he wants me to behave like nothing happened. but i just cant. i am so hurt .


okey your situation break my hearth i though that maybe was just a slap when you were breaking things, then maybe was no that bad, but if he abused you two times then is horrible, have he done this before? have he abused you in this kind of way during your relationship?.

if yes, then think in your son and not in your husband, do you really want a man who abuses you and cheat on you to your side as his father figure?.

if not, then maybe he is under the fog of the affair but still that is a pretty bad reaction.

by the way ofcourse his husband should care, think in these escenarios:

1.- you maybe were not especific enough in your message, if you just send it saying that they were talking, she easily can turn things around as you being a crazy jelous wife, then she could show him his actual face book account and he may check that there is nothing improper.

2.- she maybe intercepted the message and deleted it (it has happened to many users here), cheaters are aware of what they are doing and what happen if they got caugh, your husband maybe warned her, and if she had the passwords of his husband can easily intercept it before he could actully read it.

so send his a second message or* try to reach him by phone* and inform him all the facts

- it was a contact with secret accounts.
- they were talking about meting in secret.
- he denies who she was at the beginning. 

now after that being told, i dont know if is safe for you to stay there?, in an normal situation i will told you to go to your parents with your kid a give him a taste of life without you and his son, that work fine.


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

brokenheart2013 said:


> yes i did that i contacted the other womens husband saying that my husband and his wife were talking online and i found out about it and he should know it too. but he never write me back. i guess its normal for them. and then i told my husband about this that i contacted the other womens husband he got really angry we started to fight again and hold me in my neck try to choke me kind of. hold my arm and throw me to the wall. next day my arm was full purple. cause of the violence. and then he apologize said sorry but somethings are broken in my heart. i have love for him but i still wanna leave. will i be able survive without him. i dont know i feel terrible useless worthless. whenever i go out shopping etc i compare myself with other ladies i am thinking everyone is more beautifull then i am.my parents and his parents dont know about it. they dont live here. would he do it again. its si hard to trust him now. he says you have to trust me after all the pain i went through he wants me to behave like nothing happened. but i just cant. i am so hurt .


You need to leave for your physical safety. It will happen again. Leave. Trust me on this. (No it hasn't happened to me, but it has happened to a wider family member).

Never compare yourself to the "other ladies". They are not more beautiful than you. 

They may act like they are more beautiful than anyone else ... but believe me, they are not.

Leave ...


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

brokenheart2013 said:


> thank you everyone for writing to me i will try to answer all of you. i need to talk with someone so badly.
> 
> yes when i caught his fake account and the messages between them i got really upset i was really angry i dont know what happen to me at that time. i started to break everything in the house and then he hit me. he did not wanted to accept the that the girl he was writing to is his x girlfriend. he said she is someone he knows from a school long time. their just friends. and then i said if she was his friend he would keep it in his real face account. he started to yell at me he was really angry started to blame me for everything.


Don't fall for the "just friends" excuse. My partner met up with his ex for coffee three times and then had sex with her. I knew who this ex was because I met her at a wedding before this happened. He was buying her drinks. When I asked him who she was he replied " She is just a friend". 
Makes me vomit still


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## brokenheart2013 (Oct 10, 2013)

manticore said:


> okey your situation break my hearth i though that maybe was just a slap when you were breaking things, then maybe was no that bad, but if he abused you two times then is horrible, have he done this before? have he abused you in this kind of way during your relationship?.
> 
> if yes, then think in your son and not in your husband, do you really want a man who abuses you and cheat on you to your side as his father figure?.
> 
> ...


yes he was abusive towards me before .emotinally verbally physically.but i just could not leave him. i dont know if i am sick or something but i think if i leave him i will miss him and i'll be sorry for leaving.i dont have the other womens husband phone number. i dont know how can i get it. i just know his facebook account.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It sounds like he is very angry that you are trying to ruin his affair. I know you feel trapped and you still think you love him, but this isn't a healthy love. Not at all. Do the very hard thing and find a way to get away from him. Are there social resources where you live that will help you find a place to stay so that you can get on your feet with a job? Start planning. Don't just sit by feeling helpless. Start to take control of your future. You will feel better just making some small decisions in this direction.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

brokenheart2013 said:


> yes he was abusive towards me before .emotinally verbally physically.but i just could not leave him. i dont know if i am sick or something but i think if i leave him i will miss him and i'll be sorry for leaving.i dont have the other womens husband phone number. i dont know how can i get it. i just know his facebook account.


You need to get out of there. If you are staying, then next time he puts a bruise on you have him arrested. 
He is a terrible man and you are not thinking clearly if you think it gets better. You need to get a grip and get out.


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

With out knowing where you are it is difficult to know what services are available to you. Where I live there are women's shelters, phone help lines, social workers and people who can help you to decide what your next move should be. Take a moment and see what services are available and how you access them.
Men who hit women have problems with insecurity, feeling powerless and not in control. Hitting gives them a sense of power, control and manliness. Women who stay with abusers can come from abusive homes and have so little a sense of self that they often believe that being hit is their own fault. There is a likelihood that he will threaten and possibly abuse your child. He will certainly use the child to control you. The abuser will often escalate his violence, a slap turns into a beating and ends with the woman severely beaten and put into the hospital. Or, he may just kill her. He will believe that he has a right to do the things that he does.
With what you have said, and like the others have said, for your own safety and that of your child you need to leave him behind. Use every resource you can get a hold of. Think about your feelings, do you really love him when he hits and abuse you, or is it something else.
I am sure that there will be men out there who will appreciate you and love your child as their own. There is no reason that a man should hit his wife and there are no chains binding you to your abusive husband.
Good luck and all the best to you and your child.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You need to understand that your husband is pretty much a scumbag and you should get rid of him as soon as possible. Firstly, he is a liar, a cheat and is a criminal in that it is a criminal act to hit you not mention downright cowardly. I am sure that you can see this and any respect you may have had for him should be gone by now. Without respect there should be no love for him.

Now onto the subject of how to get rid of him - first of all you need to protect yourself both physically and financially. Like a previous poster has said, I do not know which country you are in but you need to find out if there are services that can help you with the physical protection first and foremost. Secondly, you should seek similar help to know what financial support is available and how he can be made legally responsible for supporting you while you go through your divorce process. 

I do wish you the best but you need to act soon as the longer you put up with this the worse its going to get.


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

brokenheart2013 said:


> yes he was abusive towards me before .emotinally verbally physically.but i just could not leave him. i dont know if i am sick or something but i think if i leave him i will miss him and i'll be sorry for leaving.i dont have the other womens husband phone number. i dont know how can i get it. i just know his facebook account.


His cheating and his affair exposure is not a priority now - your safety is. Forget about OW husband - you have a bigger problem to deal with...

It's called Stockholm syndrome - feeling of love victims feel towards abusers. 

Of course, you can leave him - who made you to believe that you cannot? You might be sorry for leaving - but you also can be very sorry for staying... Abuse is only getting worse...


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## "joe" (Aug 19, 2013)

brokenheart2013 said:


> thank you everyone for writing to me i will try to answer all of you. i need to talk with someone so badly.


connection is the most important thing. keep posting here, work it out by writing it. lots of people will be glad to help.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm not concerned at all with infidelity at this point. You are in a dangerous situation. Are you in Ontario? There are numerous resources here that can help you even though you don't have job. 

If you're ready to be safe you may want to contact them sooner rather than later. I would advise you to bury whatever love you have left for this man and think about protecting your child and yourself.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

D, What your husband is doing is beyond acceptable. You don't hit, touch, or use controlling moves on a woman much less anyone else. He is a coward. I deal with this kind of crap all the time in my work. Domestic Violence on any level meaning man hit woman, or woman hits man in essence is wrong. What you have found out about him made him angry and that anger manifested itself into a physical response, plain and simple. IMHO, walking away if you can is what you should do. His violence will only get worse. This is not a healthy relationship. Go find someone that will love, nurture, care, caress, kiss, massage and flat out take care of your needs. He is not living up to his responsibilities of being a loving, caring attentive husband. Go find happiness, you deserve better. Good luck.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

The cheating is no longer the issue. Abuse = goodbye

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The first thing you should do is look into social services in your town. Go to your town's website and start finding out what kind of help you can get if you moved out or sent him packing. You need to know your rights and your options before you decide anything.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Because your husband has hit you, I suggest you stop arguing with him, and go see an attorney immediately to learn about your rights in a divorce. 

Your attorney may be able to ensure that you remain financially secure while being re-schooled to learn a trade. 

Or, you may have enough assets to split and ensure financial solvency, or you may get alimony. 

Stop arguing and get your act together. Start with tax returns, saving accounts, mortgages and all other financial information.

Tell the attorney about the beating, He may be able to press charges and perhaps you will then be in control of the assets. 

You also need to have the attorney freeze your bank accounts or stock accounts, but then you must seek safety first because when he learns his assets are frozen, he may give you another beating.

You must see an attorney immediately. Almost all give a free initial consult.


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