# Relationships after divorce



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am in a fairly new relationship, divorced/separated for over 2.5 years, have dated a few men before meeting this wonderful man so not a rebound situation.

The more I get to know him, the more I realise that he has many of the same positive attributes that my ex has. The difference is that he also has many of the attributes that I desire in a mate but that my ex did not have.

Often I read that post divorce relationships fail because people have not learnt from their marriage/divorce and go on to be with partners that are the same as their ex, so it is like they have a "type" of person they are attracted to.

So for those that have gone on to successful new relationships, is your new partner similar but better than your ex or did you choose a totally different type of person to your ex?


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

When it comes down to it everyone shares some traits with everyone else. I'm sure the two of you share a lot of common traits as well. Really doesn't mean much, if you ask me. What I would be more concerned about is that you are comparing him to your ex.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

I think it's normal to notice traits in a new relationship that are like your ex. What might be disconcerting is being attracted to the same type of men as your ex. My current boyfriend is nothing like my ex: my boyfriend actually acts like an adult and communicates.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Just look for signs of empathy. lol


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Why don't you be specific so we can offer an unbiased opinion?

Your ex isn't ALL bad, or else you wouldn't have married him. So what traits do they share and what traits was your ex missing that this guy has?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am not sure my OP came across the right way, this was a positive post not negative.

Yes my ex is a great man, I loved him for many years and we co parent our kids together exceptionally well. We have coffee together and are in contact about issues that need to be discussed, we are very amicable. Our marriage just came to it's natural ending a few years back.

So the new man is also a wonderful man, otherwise I would not spend time with him. The thing that is starting to become apparent is that he has all the positive traits my ex has but also has the things I was missing, he is an excellent communicator and we are very sexually compatible 

I guess the discussion was just about if people end up going for a similar type or go for the opposite of their ex.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think it's more likely that there are just traits that we're attracted to. Hopefully we find someone with more of the traits we like and fewer of the traits we don't. It doesn't mean that we're looking for someone like or unlike our exes--it just means that we're seeking out the good qualities that we want in a partner. The more of them the better!


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Good discussion. I'm struck by how randon it is, the timing of people that come into our lives with whom we find mutual attraction and availability. My STBX has great traits as well, but it is hard to tell yet how my new BF compares with him -- not sure I would want to try comparing, but I just know I really like the way my new BF is seeing who I am from a fresh perspective, free of all the baggage and judgement my Ex brings to his view of me and our relationship. I like this feeling of a fresh beginning, but hope to avoid past mistakes. We'll see where this goes, and I am taking it slowly but having romantic attention form this new and outstanding man has dome wonders for my recovery from the loss of my marriage -- just feels good to affirm there is joyful life and plenty of options to be found after divorce, and it is not the end of the road for me. That's progress from feeling like my life was over and I would never feel happy again. Feeling greatful and more optimistic today! 

Best Wishes, - A12


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