# how to get past negative self-image



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

the hardest thing im having to face right now is my body image. its pretty much rock bottom. i had a great body image prior to meeting my H. but after years of him pushing me away and then finding him masturbating to other girls- my self-esteem is at an all time low. 

i was reading some article on how to get over obsessing over your body image and it said: "Avoid negative people that critisize your weight and cause you to feel bad about living in your own skin." but what if my H is the person that i feel bad around? and i do. i feel like crap around him. i hate being around him. 

i obsess when i see younger girls that i 'know' he'd rather be with. my H is exceptionally shy. im his first everything; first girlfriend, kiss, sex. and i think he wants to be with someone else, but he settled because im the first girl that would be with him. 

anyway, its been years since he looked at porn but i cant seem to get past it. i feel horrible and low all the time. im constantly comparing myself with other girls now. I dont know how to stop. any advice??


----------



## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Blanca said:


> the hardest thing im having to face right now is my body image. its pretty much rock bottom. i had a great body image prior to meeting my H. but after years of him pushing me away and then finding him masturbating to other girls- my self-esteem is at an all time low.
> 
> i was reading some article on how to get over obsessing over your body image and it said: "Avoid negative people that critisize your weight and cause you to feel bad about living in your own skin." but what if my H is the person that i feel bad around? and i do. i feel like crap around him. i hate being around him.
> 
> ...



What I do is I try to look good for myself in the first place. So that when _I_ look in the mirror _I_ like the way I look.
I've learned that I don't need a man's approval (not even my husband's) to feel good about myself in any way, or to feel happy!

Anyway, what I do is I try to do my hair as often as possible, not every day but several times a week. 
On fat days I wear tighter fitting clothes to remind me that I still look good after having a baby.

On the days that I don't like my skin I put on makeup (sometimes even do a sexy smokey eye), even if I'm going to be home all day. 

And for me personally the #1 solution to feeling good about my self image is lots of exercise...works every time! 

Right now I wouldn't feel very comfortable in a bikini because I still need to lose several pounds, but I still like how I look.

I think that if you overcome your self consciousness about your looks, your husband will notice you more, because people notice someone who's got confidence no matter how skinny or fat.

I've got this chubby overweight friend who accepts her body as it is and is so confident that even I find her sexy! lol


----------



## jynxster (Apr 22, 2010)

My wife is recently very upset about her body image. She keeps complaining that she is a fat blob. Over the last month she has been eating well and going to the gym a lot. But she feels it is not working and feels she is not attractive enough for me.

From my perspective she has nothing to worry about. I am very attracted to her and I think she is very sexy. Having said this, her complaining and getting down in the dumps about her body image is NOT atrractive at all and just turns me off.

If you are not happy with your body, recognise this, but at the same time try to be positive about it and take steps to improve. But do it for yourself not anyone else. Maybe a bit of emotional detachment might help to 'get you mojo back', as us guys put it.

I'm sure he'll pickup on this new attitude and want to be close to you as you'll have an attractive attitude.

My wifey gets mad at me when she 'thinks' I looked at a girl she 'knows' I would want to 'play' with. You must understand that just because a guy looks at another women, or even porn, does not mean that he actually wants to or will cheat. To us it's just like looking at a nice car drive by.  So don't let this get to you so much.

Don't make assumptions on how or what he is thinking. Your self image may be clouding the reality. Keep a positive attitude and maybe things will change.


----------



## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

Well, I think most of us girls have this issue with body image because we have to always look at pretty girls (photoshopped of course) on magazines, movies, tv, etc.

I for one wouldn't be comparing myself to porn stars, I don't find them attractive in the least bit...they really are just c*m dumpsters  I'm FAR above that.

I also agree, don't make assumptions on what your husband thinks. Most guys would never admit to their friends that they prefer a more curvey woman. My husband HATES skeleton type girls and finds them repulsive, but he's told me this and so I don't have to assume he'd rather be with a skinny chick.

Do things for yourself that make YOU feel pretty. You shouldn't be trying to feel pretty for someone else. I love going to the salon and getting my hair done, eye brows done, nails, cothes shopping, fun girl things  Once you start doing things that make YOU happy and feel good, your husband will notice, trust me


----------



## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

I usually give myself a verbal pep-talk. You have to stop those negative thoughts as soon as they enter your mind. Don't allow yourself to dwell on that. It will destroy all self-esteem. It is something that you find within yourself...no other person can do it.

Usually working out, shopping, going out and doing stuff for just you (mani/pedi, massage etc) will help. Masturbating frequently could too. Just some ideas...remind yourself that you are gorgeous.


----------



## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

I heard a great saying that I thought would be appropriate right now.

Thoughts are like waves, they come and go 
only you can decide if are going to ride them. 

So in other words. Let them go....back out to the ocean. Try to mentally see that image even. I am constantly yelling at my thoughts (in my head not aloud) When a thought pops up that is negative. Stop take a deep slow breath and redirect your mind to the very present moment. Focus on your breath or something around you. 
Best of Luck


----------



## LoveIs (Apr 13, 2010)

I think the best way to deal with your negative self-image is to first decide where you want to be as far as you go physically. We are all beautiful in different ways, but you have to be honest with yourself that there is a gap of where you are right now compared to where you want to be. 

Once you've decided this, you need to work on this on a consistent daily basis. For example, if you want to workout and lose some weight or tone up, you need to make a plan and STICK to it... where you make healthy meals, and get one hour less sleep to workout in the mornings. The more you make time for yourself and push yourself to where you want to be, the better you will start feeling about yourself. 

You are capable of being at your best and looking your best. Don't get me wrong, no matter how you look right now you are beautiful and you don't need to change for anyone. But I believe that in order to live a fruitful life, you need to always challenge yourself and take yourself to the next level. Take each day as a gift and use each day to live to the highest potential you possibly can of yourself.

Incantations really help as well.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

thank you all for your feedback. i havent been exercising or eating right and i know that's a huge part of it. 

i am trying to control my thoughts. but its so automatic. i find myself feeling exhausted at the end of the day and i think mostly its because i drain so much energy by thinking im ugly. 

Its just hard for me because being around my H feels like a constant reminder that im not good enough. even at the store tonight there was some skinny girl in front of my H and me, and i felt so depressed. i dont know if i'll ever get over it.


----------



## COLD LOVE (Dec 23, 2009)

Blanca said:


> the hardest thing im having to face right now is my body image. its pretty much rock bottom. i had a great body image prior to meeting my H. but after years of him pushing me away and then finding him masturbating to other girls- my self-esteem is at an all time low.
> 
> i was reading some article on how to get over obsessing over your body image and it said: "Avoid negative people that critisize your weight and cause you to feel bad about living in your own skin." but what if my H is the person that i feel bad around? and i do. i feel like crap around him. i hate being around him.
> 
> ...


 


I wish i knew what to say to help. All i can say is i know how you feel! I don't strugle with being over wieght but I offten feel like i'm too thin not very curvy.when my husband looks at another girl who's got bigger boobs and but than i do i feel very insicure! i hope I can learn how to make the best of this and show him that i too am sexy in my own way witch my be suited to him better than any other women in the world!! all i can say is be the best you can be not only physicaly but with your attitude and personality!! one day he will see what a woderfull women he has!!!all the best!


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I vote the next man who uses the analogy that "looking at another woman is like looking at a nice car drive by" should get collectively pummeled by the ladies of TAM. That analogy is disrespectful as all get out. She feels hurt by his looking at other women. His prior porn viewing and her feeling that he would rather be with others is something he put in her mind.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Well, men do look at women as objects so the analogy of looking at a women like a nice car does ring true. I'm a woman who also happens to be a car enthusiast and my husband has joked more than once that I'll often check out a nice car like a man does with a beautiful woman. I guess I get that same lustful look in my eye when I see a brand new Vette or Lotus drive by. 

Most men are visually oriented and they can't help it...it's the way most men are put together. I don't think they should make it too obvious in any case and these husbands who are literally jerking off to pics of other women while their SO is in the same room should be taken off someplace and shot. That's just plain disrespectful and awful and falls outside the boundaries of nature IMO. 

Anyway..back to the original topic..

Fact is, aging is inevitable. I'd like to be 23 years old again too but it's not going to happen. You have to make the most out of what you have now. If you are feeling fat and ugly then don't make excuses and have a pity party...Change it! The nice thing about weight is that you CAN lose it. It takes work and a really determined effort but it CAN happen. There's no gimmicks here. You have to STOP EATING. That means going on a strict diet (and I mean STRICT) and for even better results you get yourself an exercise regimen that helps shame and tone your body. Trust me, eventually the pounds will come off and you will feel better! Do it for yourself, not your husband!

Once the pounds come off you'll be amazed at how good you will feel. Last year at this time I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror, felt fat, ugly, old, etc. I got depressed whenever I saw younger, prettier women around so I actually avoided going out to places (like bars and concerts) because I felt like crap when I compared myself to others. I didn't want to have sex with the lights on and was always complaining about how bad I felt, how fat I was, how ugly, etc. 

My husband finally told me that I needed to lose weight not for him, but for myself. I went on a strict diet of 1000 calories a day and exercise for 45 minutes 5- 6 days a week. A year later I'm back to the same weight I was in college (went from a size 14 to a size 7 and am still dropping), have bought a new wardrobe and feel younger and better than I have in years. And the sex is great too!

If you look in the mirror and like what you see then NOTHING your husband says to you will matter. You'll feel good! It might turn things around in your marriage because suddenly you won't be complaining or down but happy and desirable. 

I find it amazing how many women approaching or at middle age just assume that they are too old, tired, fat, etc and let themselves go. They don't do their hair or wear makeup or buy new clothes. I see it all the time in my friends. They go to a party wearing sweatsuits, let their hair go grey and don't style it, never wear make up and have gained about 50lbs. No wonder their husbands are checking out other girls! No wonder they feel like crap! 

You have to be happy within yourself FIRST. Start with working on your physical self and the rest will fall into place.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

jynxster said:


> My wife is recently very upset about her body image. She keeps complaining that she is a fat blob. Over the last month she has been eating well and going to the gym a lot. But she feels it is not working and feels she is not attractive enough for me.
> 
> From my perspective she has nothing to worry about. I am very attracted to her and I think she is very sexy. Having said this, her complaining and getting down in the dumps about her body image is NOT atrractive at all and just turns me off.


Yeah, that's how it was with me. My complaining and depressed state was what turned my husband off and that's when he insisted I shut up and do something about it. So I did. 

It takes longer than a month to see real results. For me, I didn't start really feeling the effects until about 3-4 months. Then suddenly the weight started coming off. You really have to wait until 5-6 months to see real results and you really have count calories and stay on the diet. I usually allow myself one day to eat a meal that I want. If you don't allow yourself some pleasure than it's easy to backslide completely. Also, portions are important too. Yes, have a piece of cake, but make it a small piece and just have ONE slice. 

It's amazing how much people eat in a day. When you start actually counting the calories and writing it down it puts things into perspective. You have to think about everything you eat. It's not easy and it's not fast, but it's worth it.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

"Men look at women as objects". No, not enlightened ones. I am also a car person. I drive an Austin Healey Bug Eyed Sprite. I take care of it myself and work on it often. If my husband ever compared me to that car I would slap the taste out of his mouth. I am not nor will I ever be the same as something on four wheels. She is hurting and her self esteem is destroyed. Her husband did that. She is trying to figure out a way to get over and regain her confidence. The flippant comment about women and cars is not helpful. 
I do however agree with the other part of your comments. She does need to take care of herself. Nothing feels as good as taking care of yourself and feeling good about yourself.


----------



## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

In some cultures though, men do look at a woman like an object and pick out one just like they would a car. Sad but true.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Brennan said:


> "Men look at women as objects". No, not enlightened ones. I am also a car person. I drive an Austin Healey Bug Eyed Sprite. I take care of it myself and work on it often. If my husband ever compared me to that car I would slap the taste out of his mouth. I am not nor will I ever be the same as something on four wheels


No insult to your car, but if my husband compared me to a Bug Eyed Sprite I'd slap him silly too. Now if it were the 3000 that'd be different. I'm more partial to the Lotus Elise myself. :smthumbup: Yeah, you say I resemble an Elise and I love you long, long time. 

To me, a comment comparing a hot woman to a hot looking sports car is all in fun. Guys check women out and relate them to objects they lust after. It seems natural enough to me. Heck, women will check out what a guy is driving or are impressed by the size of his paycheck and go after him based on that. Is it any different? It just human nature.

But when things turns demeaning and demoralizing as it is for the OP then it's nothing short of emotional abuse and shouldn't be tolerated. That's when she needs to look at her life and situation and figure out whether she should continue to take the abuse or change her life.

BTW. where did someone compare a woman to a car? I don't see it in this thread..was it deleted?  :scratchhead:


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Freak On a Leash said:


> BTW. where did someone compare a woman to a car? I don't see it in this thread..was it deleted?  :scratchhead:


It was in jxnsters post. when i was initially going through all the real emotional abuse with my H i probably would have laid into jxnster. posts like that still flare my temper slightly but im a little more understanding that my situation is different and a lot of people can have porn and a normal sex life. so i expect the "its just a guy thing" as many people do not understand where i am coming from. 

*Brennan* all i have to say is you're awesome! :smthumbup:


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

jynxster said:


> You must understand that just because a guy looks at another women, or even porn, does not mean that he actually wants to or will cheat. To us it's just like looking at a nice car drive by.


You mean this? :scratchhead: I think he's just stating the obvious by making an analogy. It's not that men are looking to cheat on their SO or that they don't appreciate their SO... they are merely checking a good looking women out just the same way as they would look at a hot Ferrari. Heck, I check out a good looking man the same exact way! 

I don't think this comment was meant to be demeaning or to objectify women. I understand why you would be upset, especially if your self esteem is bad due to emotional abuse from your husband though. 

I do like the fact that my husband doesn't "check out" other women on a regular basis and isn't into porn. At one time he had a subscription to Playboy, that was about it. It never bothered me. I have other things I have problems with though. We all do.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Freak On a Leash said:


> It's not that men are looking to cheat on their SO or that they don't appreciate their SO... they are merely checking a good looking women out just the same way as they would look at a hot Ferrari. Heck, I check out a good looking man the same exact way!


its not that i think my H would cheat or that i cant appreciate that other women are attractive. i get that. its that he looked at other girls and never at me. that was pretty humiliating. In my desperate years when i was trying everything to get his attention, i bought this very sexy shirt that was tight and kind of see-through. i wore a lacy bra underneath and i thought it looked really good. he never even looked at me. literally. he saw it in the closet a few weeks later and asked me why i dont wear it. he said he'd never seen it before. that happened to me a lot- with a lot of lingerie i wore. 

so now i just dont bother with anything- which i think is affecting me in another way. i wear jeans and t-shirts all the time. never do my hair. just pull it back and leave it. i dont feel feminine anymore and its kind of weird. i want to look good again but im afraid of being rejected again. and since i was rejected for so long im hyper-sensitive to being rejected. i would like to stop comparing myself to other girls. its really bringing me down.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Well, that's sad and I understand exactly where you are coming form because I was in pretty much the same place. It wasn't that my husband was checking out other women as much as that he wasn't into me at all. Nothing puts a crush on you more than that.  I completely get it. Having someone you love not even pay attention to you or be attracted to you is downright awful and few things kill your self esteem as much. 

That said, you should try and keep yourself in shape for YOURSELF. It'll make YOU feel better to be doing your hair and be in shape and wearing nice clothes. The tough part is not caring if your husband cares because you'll be WANTING and HOPING that he does and it feels horrible when he doesn't. The hardest part is the not caring about what he thinks. However I think this is something you need to be aiming for. You don't want to let yourself go. If you get yourself in a clearer frame of mind you might find yourself thinking and reflecting in a way that'll help you. 

I wish you the best of luck., Maybe if you get yourself in shape and get some self confidence back your husband will take notice and things will change for the better. In the meantime I say try and get some hobbies and friends and get out there. Don't let yourself shrivel up and blow away because your H isn't being the man he should be for you. Life is too short.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I think it is unfair to blame your husband for how you feel ladies. I have read your posts for awhile and have come to the logical conclusion that it must be tough to be a woman. I have also read and wrote enough men's posts to have come to the exact same conclusion about being a man.

It is obviously difficult to be yin ladies, and it is definitely difficult to be yang; so why can't we lighten up a bit and fairly assign responsibility to the party ultimately responsible for how we feel about ourselves...ourselves.

LIL


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I agree with you that in the end you have to take responsibility for your life and not blame someone else for your troubles but it still hurts like heck to be rejected by the person you love. What is needed at some point is to take steps to deal with it...either accept what is and build a life for yourself without your husband (in the form of hobbies, friends, work, etc) or pack up and leave and build a new life in that way. But to let yourself go and use the situation as an excuse is bad. I'm in agreement there but I still can feel sympathy for someone who is going through what is a very difficult situation. 

Even when my marriage was at it's worse I had a life I could call my own. I do take pride in that. In some ways my estrangement from my husband allowed me to do things that I wouldn't or couldn't do now, like travel and race my car. Now I don't do a lot of things because I prefer to be with my husband instead so in a way what was once a bad situation I turned into a good one..but I'd still rather have the love and companionship of the man I married. 

It's important not to sit in a corner, dwell on the bad and say it's OK to do so because someone else did this to you. I agree completely.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Your point is well taken Freak on a Leash, and I agree wholeheartedly. I feel sympathy as well. Hell, empathy would be more accurate in many of these cases. However, above all we need to feel/take ownership.

I will now leave the ladies forum.

LIL


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I am sooooo tired of people excusing men b/c they are "visual." When is the last time you saw a female pheasant--or lion, or whatever--that was all bright and beautiful to attract a male? It's the MALES that have the bright colors, etc. Besides, the size of an "attractive" woman now is nothing like it was in a different generation--it's how men are conditioned by society, not nature, that gives both men and women this idea that women "should" look a certain way to be considered attractive. 

Don't "should" on yourself.

You can completely change how you respond to yourself-or to anything else. It's not all that difficult once you accept the basic idea: your thoughts determine how you feel. If YOU think negative thoughts about the way you look, you will feel bad. If you think positively--and work to weed out insidious, negative thoughts, you will feel better about yourself. The hard part is unrooting and catching those negative thoughts. They are so much a part of us we may not realize we are having such thoughts. The feeling registers, and it is the only cue that you are having such thoughts.

I really worked on this in my 20s and it has made a difference my whole life since then. I'll write more later about what I did--it worked. Just be patient and persistent! TTFN. gotta work!


----------



## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> Besides, the size of an "attractive" woman now is nothing like it was in a different generation--it's how men are conditioned by society, not nature, that gives both men and women this idea that women "should" look a certain way to be considered attractive.


:iagree::iagree::iagree: It's sick really, if you trace the history of what was and what is now socially accepted as "beautiful."


You have to stop rejecting yourself before you can stop feeling rejected by your H. Don’t look good for him, look good for you! You deserve it! 

I know that there is a lot more to your situation than this, especially given the rejection and porn use in the past, but that’s the basic issue. It’s corny but I really do believe that beauty comes from within. Many of these responses touch on that and I think that stopping the negative thoughts (and leaving the past in the past) could have a big impact for you. Have you read anything about Byron Katie? She has this process called The Work which someone from this forum turned me onto. It’s basically about questioning your thought process and seeing that what we project onto others is really coming from within. Byron Katie herself takes it a little far for my tastes but the basic concept of The Work is a good one. It might help with your thought process on this issue, here’s the website if you’re interested. The Work of Byron Katie It’s free as is the entire Work process and instruction. I’m just getting started with it but beginning to discover the sheer volume of false beliefs and "shoulds" I’m carrying around has been astonishing.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

When I was in my 20s, I decided to learn to love my own face and body no matter what anyone else thought. So I quit wearing make up, and I'd only look in the mirror once each morning before leaving the house, just to make sure I was neat and complete--no holes or whatever. Then, when I looked in the mirror again--in the evening, like when I was brushing my teeth--I smiled at myself, every time, and practiced admiring my smile and the things I could like about my face. I limited how often I looked, too, b/c that's just a bad habit and reinforces the emphasis on appearance. I then transferred the strategy to the rest of me--find what I could admire in myself, focus on that, and ignore the rest. It makes a HUGE difference. 99% of us look at ourselves and stare at the things we DON'T like, and that makes these things look huge and obvious. Guess what? Almost no one else pays that much attention to us! The only people who do are people who are superficial and very insecure themselves--and why value their opinion? 

So, be aware of what you are thinking, don't spend much time looking at yourself, and focus on what is nice about yourself only; forget the rest. 

FYI: it took me one year to get used to my face w/o makeup, although I had never worn much to begin with. I'm so glad I stopped, though! Very liberating!


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

sisters359 said:


> 99% of us look at ourselves and stare at the things we DON'T like, and that makes these things look huge and obvious. Guess what? Almost no one else pays that much attention to us! The only people who do are people who are superficial and very insecure themselves--and why value their opinion?


That's a very good point. No one is as critical of one's self as yourself! 

That said, I will say that if you like putting make up and it makes YOU feel good, then do it. If you feel liberated and happy not doing it then don't do it. Make yourself happy first because until you are happy within yourself you can't make others happy. 

I lost weight for me. I feel great! I enjoy the results and have gone in the opposite direction. After years of not wearing make up or paying attention to my wardrobe I'm now doing so. But I'm not doing it to impress anyone else but for myself...because it makes ME feel good. 

Everyone's path to happiness is different. What counts is not how you get there but that you arrive.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I was not blaming men because of her self image. I was however saying that her husband was a contributing factor. In her many posts that I have read it doesn't appear that he has tried to make her feel special. Instead she feels like she is competing with his ideal, porn and women he thinks about. What should she do? Well, kick a little ass frankly. Nothing feels as good as taking care of yourself for yourself. That is an easy statement to make however when you are confident. It isn't an easy statement to digest when you are lacking in confidence. Blanca, you are so much stronger than you think. 
As for all men objectifying women, no. Looking at a nice looking woman and appreciating a nice looking woman is one thing. Comparing her to a sports car is ridiculous. We aren't the same.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

lastinline said:


> fairly assign responsibility to the party ultimately responsible for how we feel about ourselves...ourselves.
> 
> LIL


I agree with this- to an extent. I feel its more a combination of who you are around, your childhood, and also your own choices. I dont think its entirely any single person that shapes an individuals self-esteem. And I try to stick with what i know definitively. i do know that if things had stayed the way they were in my marriage i could not have stayed. and i also know that if i stay or not, i will have to deal with this low self-esteem. my H is changing for the better so i feel its now an environment that i can change. otherwise, i would have to leave. its what i know- and as simple as that.

I really appreciate all of your comments. ive been thinking about it a lot this week. ive been thinking i need to start working out, eating better, and finding some uplifting people to be around (hardest part for me). Ive been trying to watch my thoughts, not necessarily stop them but just listen to what im telling myself. I went to that website *WantsHap* and it looks really good. Im definitely going to dive into that as soon as my classes are done. i think it will be really helpful. ive let the thoughts take on a life of their own. 

I know no one pays much attention...including my H. that's the problem. lol i dont really care what any one else thinks.

my low self-esteem is not just an physical appearance issue. its a whole lot of things. i feel inferior in every way possible. 

I do take myself way too seriously sometimes, though. i never used too. i never used to care about anything. now i care about everything. guess i'll have to find the balance. thanks again for the feedback.


----------



## emcy (Oct 13, 2012)

jynxster said:


> Having said this, her complaining and getting down in the dumps about her body image is NOT atrractive at all and just turns me off.
> Maybe a bit of emotional detachment might help to 'get you mojo back', as us guys put it.
> 
> I'm sure he'll pickup on this new attitude and want to be close to you as you'll have an attractive attitude.
> ...


You might want to check out this blog: http://goodmenroject.com/featured-content/why-men-objectify-women/

My favourite quote: "we objectify women for the same reason women objectify men: to be able to see our personal fantasies in them". 

No woman wants to be a man's crappy practical car, she wants to be the one he lusts after! 

Its important not to base your entire sexuality or self worth on this though! 

I'm sure you already know you cant be the fantasy and the reality at the same time. You could probably get better at segregating these roles/selves in your mind if you wanted but maybe what you really want is to feel like you are his ideal woman, not fantasy woman. 

I think its important to realise you can eclipse his view of what an ideal woman is when you are fulfilling your own view of what an ideal woman / you is. To heal the scars you've gotten it might help to read this website. It did for me.


----------

