# Dead marriage, fight further or just leave?!



## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Hello everyone. 
My native language is not English so I appologise if I will write some incorrect words.
My name is Christina and I'm 29, 5 years married, a toddler and pregnant second time.
I married 5 years ago after my husband chased me for 3 months( we lived in different countries) and after he swore to me that I'm the love of his life and he can't live without me, being in love with him, I gave him a chance. Shortly after, we married, I left my country, family, studies and job and moved in his country.In the beginning he was very nice and made everything for me, for us, our sex life was great, and although we had many quarrels for small things like when I didn't agree with his idea on some topics or I simply said my opinion witch differ from his, I thought with the time things will change and go on. After 1 year, the things started to be different, our sex life changed, he didn't seem to want to be with me that often but never wanted to discuss about. I then discovered he watched porn often but he told me is not a big deal and will stop so I believed him. I got pregnant, a wished child, and the things have changed completely. He stopped being intimate with me, I start to notice that he looked with lust to my sister and other woman on the street. He watched porn the entire time in my pregnancy and after and lied to me in my face that he didn't . After birth our relation was every day worst and worst and I understood that the pornography is actually an addiction and a big problem ... still, he won't admit or stopped it.
We tried counseling , for a wild was everything ok, but short after we were there were we started before counseling. He would now flirt with some woman when he thought I wont see, he spend the ENTIRE FREE TIME in bed on the Facebook , games, forums, helped almost nothing at home. I must say that he is the one supporting financial the family, I'm a stay at home mom, and we do have a pretty life, financial we miss nothing. 
I admit I was not a perfect wife,I have many faults as well.Pregnancy, breast feeding, no sleeping night all weight a lot in my behaviour with him. I sometimes shouted, I was angry with him and upset, I even threaten to leave if the things will not change in better.
Last year in December I found an account he had on a sex chat platform and many private massage to some woman witch he invite for sex in his office. I was utterly shocked, I confronted him but he denied, and then said it was a fake site and he just write because was bored. I wanted to divorce and when he realized I'm serious about this he came to
me telling me he loves me and agree to go to couple therapy again. I believed him... HUGE MISTAKE. The therapy was a total waste of time, he lied 90% of the time he spoked .Short after, I found out he chased a girl on Facebook, had a crush on her, tried to pick her up but she was not interested in him. One of his secretary left the office and she told me he spoked about me for 2 years with her, he said to her I'm crazy, paranoid, he tried to kiss her on last December Christmas party and there are other 2 secretary's with whom he tried also,BOUTH gone from his company. One confirmed me, he have send many SMS telling is in love with her. His answer?? They are all lying!!! Short after this, I find out he is in a hotel room, 2 persons from reception connected me with his room, he was not picking up the phone and boom... when he come home and I called again the hotel, they told me they had no client with his name there and after my husband made a huge scandal about "clients confidentiality " a woman from reception apologised and explained there was a client with just one A different in the name from the name of my husband! ( clear she was afraid for her job!) I had no prove, he lied again,victimized and throw the blame on me that I want to destroy the family for my "fantasies ". I didnt belueve him , for me was over!!! I prepared to divorce him, to move on with my life, but the difficult part is that he does not want a divorce, he convinced me he will change, he was not there, bla, bla, bla. I was scared on how I will manage to leave this marriage, to get my daughter to stay with me, to support us without his help, so i gave my family another chance and the last .We had nice holiday after,nice time together, peace and I thought everything will be normal and finally we will have a normal marriage. I got pregnant the second time.
Our sex life is again nonexistent, he neglect me in all the ways possible, blame me for being like this and take responsibility for absolutly nothing in our marriage. I now found out he lied again. The 2 secretaries he had,left also, so he looked for others to replace.One of them is a 22 years old, very attractive, short skirts, big breast, kind of girl that want men attention. I asked him not to take such a woman and put me again throw all the stress, I explained to him that after all what happened I can't trust him and that I will visit him more often in the office to check on him for my peace of mind.He said he didn't took her to work with him but what he did was to cancel an appointment with her for 2 weeks, for the time I will visit him and see she is there, and last Thursday he asked her to go in the office and start on Monday there. Again he lied that all this is not thrue, I'm paranoid, it should not interest me who work with him, who is there and who not.The scandal start after he checked her on Facebook Friday night. 
I mean, if he just need a secretary, why would he check her pictures again on Facebook? Provocative pictures??? 
I'm sick and tired, disappointed, stressed, I lost my self confidence, my well being in this marriage. Im in the situation i cant tell if all this is normal or not after many years when I heard is my fault for everything, that I'm paranoid, psychopath, that what I see is not thrue, what I heard he never said, etc.I really consider to divorce him and live all this story behind. But I'm scared because I depend financially on him, I have a child and pregnant with second. I'm afraid on how a divorce will affect my daughter who adore her father , how will I manage alone with a toddler and a neuborn so far away from my family. 
I can't think clear and take a right decision in the moment.I need some opinions from people outside my family, and friends. 
If anyone have the patience to read my story and give an advise on what would do in my place, if knows a similarly story and a "happy ending" or a waste of time, I would appreciated a lot...
Thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

You did not know him well enough and he help trapped you in a situation where it is more difficult for you to have control of your own life.

Work on yourself as you detach.

Btw, the person you fell in love was with is probably just an illusion. During the honeymoon phase, people's behavior tends to be different.

Btw, do not let him place all the blame on you, he made the situation harmful to you. If he really wants marital success, he can seek help and grow.

But, in order for you to have options, you need to make yourself secure. If it means working, seeking help,you need independence as leverage.

Anyways, he was this way before you met him since after the marriage he change quickly.

Reasons why people should wait once the honeymoon phase is over and live together to see if there are any other issues that arise. When at least one person is unhealthy in a relationship, the relationship is unhealthy. Here is the thing about unhealthy people, they tend to make those around them unhealthy as well.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

He is not the person you thought you married. I think you know that by now. It is wishful thinking to believe he can turn into this person.

I would easily bet that he has cheated on you, probably often.

If I were you, I would see an attorney about what it would mean to divorce in terms of your children. Would you want to take them to your home country with you? You shouldn't worry about child support, since as a SAHM he will be required to pay that to you. As far as custody and where the children will live, though, you need legal guidance - international custody is very difficult.

I would follow a 180, though, and prepare to leave him. He shows you no respect and has no remorse. You married and changed your life too quickly, but it is what it is. Now this is the reality that you face. Protect yourself and your children. He is nothing but continued heartache and emotional abuse, in my opinion. Not worth any more of your time.


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Thank you for your advices.

I read many times today,what you wrote to me and I remembered the entire 5 years of my marriage with him and all the pain he putt me to go throw. All the nights when I fall asleep crying and the sad Christmas last year , and my Birthday 2 years ago, the Valentines Day I feelt so alone 4 out of 5 together... It all come to my mind like in a movie. Inside me I knew from long time that I have no future with him, that he is someone else from the one I married , I knew it even if I didn't want to admit to myself or my family, but I hoped to save this marriage at all costs . 
I suppose now is really the time to throw aside the pain and just think on how I will go out of this mess. 
Although im so afraid! Just the people who know him closely know how he really is, but for the rest he is a charming, intelligent man who make so much for his family! He is so manipulative, and can lie and victimize himself so well! He allways win, doesn't matter in witch or with who he has a conflict or a problem! I have experienced this a few times , the worst being at the couple therapy where he was the victim and I the one to blame! Makes my stomach sick when I know in witch war I will go throw if I want the divorce...
Thank you again for writing to my post, it helped a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Christina.ich said:


> Thank you for your advices.
> 
> I read many times today,what you wrote to me and I remembered the entire 5 years of my marriage with him and all the pain he putt me to go throw. All the nights when I fall asleep crying and the sad Christmas last year , and my Birthday 2 years ago, the Valentines Day I feelt so alone 4 out of 5 together... It all come to my mind like in a movie. Inside me I knew from long time that I have no future with him, that he is someone else from the one I married , I knew it even if I didn't want to admit to myself or my family, but I hoped to save this marriage at all costs .
> I suppose now is really the time to throw aside the pain and just think on how I will go out of this mess.
> ...



You should look up narcissism and perhaps what you are experiencing will make sense. Once you understand, allow yourself to be free.

We all make mistakes in life, those unhealthy will keep thinking that what they are doing will change the situation. Those who admit and accept will change and grow from it.

Also, look up videos on how to deal with people like him while you secretly work towards your own freedom. Do not show your opponent your future moves or they will counteract it. He is working towards what he wants and he will sabotage you in any way possible.

Also, talk to a psychiatrist to help you deal with your situation and they can help you develop tools to deal with him in the mean time.

Your first responsibility is to yourself. Not to him and what he wants,but what you need to stay healthy. You are just harming yourself in the end.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here Christina.

I am from Germany and I think our laws are almost the same.

You should divorce your husband and dont be afraid to go for it. 

Your husband is not a husband,sorry. He is only paying the bills so I would call him a roommate. He keeps lying to you over and over again. He prefers other woman which is silly for me.

I only hope he is decent Vater for your kids.

Are you alone there? Do you have anyone with you? Someone you can talk with or find strenght?
I think I saw you mention your sister. Is she able to help you in any way,like moral suport or stuff like that ?

Stay strong my lady


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## tpdallas (Aug 28, 2015)

Please don't have any more babies with this man.

That's all I got.


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Mr.Fisty said:


> You should look up narcissism and perhaps what you are experiencing will make sense. Once you understand, allow yourself to be free.
> 
> We all make mistakes in life, those unhealthy will keep thinking that what they are doing will change the situation. Those who admit and accept will change and grow from it.
> 
> ...


Yes Mr. Fisty, I think he might be Narcissist,he have many traits anyway. I google some things witch characterizes him and this ilness came as a result. But I'm confuse because he is generouse , and he loves our daughter( although shows selfishness also when is about her...).
You are right , I should not reveal my plans.
Thank you for advise 
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Be smart said:


> Sorry you are here Christina.
> 
> I am from Germany and I think our laws are almost the same.
> 
> ...


Yes, Be smart , the lows must be the same in Austria like in Germany. The problem is that he doesn't want a divorce because he doesn't want to loose our daughter and pay anything for us, or for me. He is aware that he should pay money for me as I'm a stay at home mom and have no income. 
Normally it should be ok for me divorcing him, BUT I need a good attorney for that, sure he would take the best that money can pay, and they cost a lot! I don't afford....
Beside, I must prove that it is his fault if I want a fair and quickly divorce and I do have proves but some are older than 6 months and the low sayed it shouldn't past 6 months otherwise is not a prove anymore. 
My biggest fear is however, that knowing him, how dirty he plays in general, and how unfair he can be in some situation, I'm really afraid he will manipulate everyone as usual, and he might even take my little princess away from me.

He is a good vater in the way that he adores the little and gives her everything material but his time not really. He plays with her only from Bed( he is in the bed in his entire free time at home) he doesn't stand like other daddy's to play with they daughters. Even when we go all out in the nature or in playing parks most of the time I must play with her, he seat and is on the Facebook. 

Here I have nobody, I'm alone. My sister lives in Italy and in the moment is an important step in her career so I don't bother her with my problems, and my mom is in my home country, tomorrow going throw an operation alone
( he didn't allowed me to go home to be with her ) and of course much I can't discuss with her now. Practically I'm on my own at this very moment. 

Thank you very much for your nice words and support, it means much for me that somebody can understand me and relate somehow with my pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Christina.ich said:


> Yes Mr. Fisty, I think he might be Narcissist,he have many traits anyway. I google some things witch characterizes him and this ilness came as a result. But I'm confuse because he is generouse , and he loves our daughter( although shows selfishness also when is about her...).
> You are right , I should not reveal my plans.
> Thank you for advise
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Children are often seen as part of the narcissist, an extension of themselves. Narcissists also may do what seems like altruist things for self congratulation and how others perceive their good deeds.

Be smart, and do not react from emotions. They want to manipulate you and the situation.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Christina.ich said:


> Yes, Be smart , the lows must be the same in Austria like in Germany. The problem is that he doesn't want a divorce because he doesn't want to loose our daughter and pay anything for us, or for me. He is aware that he should pay money for me as I'm a stay at home mom and have no income.
> Normally it should be ok for me divorcing him, BUT I need a good attorney for that, sure he would take the best that money can pay, and they cost a lot! I don't afford....
> Beside, I must prove that it is his fault if I want a fair and quickly divorce and I do have proves but some are older than 6 months and the low sayed it shouldn't past 6 months otherwise is not a prove anymore.
> My biggest fear is however, that knowing him, how dirty he plays in general, and how unfair he can be in some situation, I'm really afraid he will manipulate everyone as usual, and he might even take my little princess away from me.
> ...


Oh my this is even worse 

He didnt allow you to visit your mom !!! She needs your suport and he is acting like that 

Sorry to ask you this question,but did you get papers as a citizen of Austria ? 
If did it would be easy for you to get Divorce and share-custody of your little princes 

Your sister is in Italy and you HAVE to talk with her,at least for moral suport,someone who is going to listen to you.Will be much easier for you,trust me.

I know he is manipulative,but that shi77 can only pass with friends and his family,not with laws. Sure money can help you a lot,especially finding a good lawyer,but I think you can make it.

Dont trust me on this one,I am not sure but you can for 400-600 Euros go and talk with lawyer and see what are your options in case you go for Divorce (which you should).

Are you good with using PC? If yes start saving his texts,e-mails and stuff like that. It can help you in court.

I hope for best for your mom,you and your little girl


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Be smart said:


> Oh my this is even worse
> 
> He didnt allow you to visit your mom !!! She needs your suport and he is acting like that
> 
> ...


I don't have the Austrian Citizen Ship, I need one more year till I can get it.. But would have helped me very much in the court, I think. I do not want to generalize or offend anyone but is well known that some Austrians are a bit racist. They care a lot about they're citizen, so yes, there will be a minus for me on the court not be one of theirs.

I contacted today an attorney and I will meet him in 2 weeks. He will tell me everything what is to do legal.
Meantime I will try to stay at home as less as possible and try to avoid contact, I suppose is the bests I can do now.

Thank you to everyone who took his time to write on my post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your marriage did not just die. Your 'husband' killed it. 

Move upwards away from him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Christina.ich said:


> I don't have the Austrian Citizen Ship, I need one more year till I can get it.. But would have helped me very much in the court, I think. I do not want to generalize or offend anyone but is well known that some Austrians are a bit racist. They care a lot about they're citizen, so yes, there will be a minus for me on the court not be one of theirs.
> 
> I contacted today an attorney and I will meet him in 2 weeks. He will tell me everything what is to do legal.
> Meantime I will try to stay at home as less as possible and try to avoid contact, I suppose is the bests I can do now.
> ...


I dont want to lie to you,but it is going to be harder for you.
I was in same shoes,but 3 years ago I got Deutch papers.

Please keep us updated,especially after your talk with lawyer.

Maybe this is going to make you happy and give you some hope. 
My female co-worker is from Romania and she got custody of her daughter and son. She does not have Deutch papers.
Her husband was a copy of yours,trust me. I met him thousand of times.

Now she is happy as a single mom with her kids


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## Sylvia Smith (Aug 24, 2015)

Christina.ich said:


> Hello everyone.
> My native language is not English so I appologise if I will write some incorrect words.
> My name is Christina and I'm 29, 5 years married, a toddler and pregnant second time.
> I married 5 years ago after my husband chased me for 3 months( we lived in different countries) and after he swore to me that I'm the love of his life and he can't live without me, being in love with him, I gave him a chance. Shortly after, we married, I left my country, family, studies and job and moved in his country.In the beginning he was very nice and made everything for me, for us, our sex life was great, and although we had many quarrels for small things like when I didn't agree with his idea on some topics or I simply said my opinion witch differ from his, I thought with the time things will change and go on. After 1 year, the things started to be different, our sex life changed, he didn't seem to want to be with me that often but never wanted to discuss about. I then discovered he watched porn often but he told me is not a big deal and will stop so I believed him. I got pregnant, a wished child, and the things have changed completely. He stopped being intimate with me, I start to notice that he looked with lust to my sister and other woman on the street. He watched porn the entire time in my pregnancy and after and lied to me in my face that he didn't . After birth our relation was every day worst and worst and I understood that the pornography is actually an addiction and a big problem ... still, he won't admit or stopped it.
> ...


Your marriage is pretty much dead. This man has trapped you and is playing around with your life. Please get a grip on yourself asap! I understand your financial concerns, especially with the new baby coming, but you need to end this marriage. It is very important for your own well-being as well as that of your children. Please drift yourself away from him and start looking for career options that will support you later. Do not listen to people who will tell you to stay in the marriage and work things out; if you do, remember you will be trapped forever and this man will continue to cheat, hurt and damage your self-esteem. It's far better to move out, stand on your feet and support your life that way.


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Be smart, I know it will be more difficult for me with the divorce because I don't have the Austrian citizen ship. That's why I must be sure the children will remain with me before take any legal step. 

In the last days I have been so depressed, sad and angry with myself on the same time. Why I waited so long, why I got pregnant second time, why I choose to believe him 100 times when inside me and my mind I knew he is lying and will never change?! 
Now It is really the time to leave and I don't know where to take the strength and power to start the "war", because war it will be. Today I didn't even had the energy to do my usually task so depressed I feelt, and then I must stand sleeping with him in the same bed and pretend is everything ok when my world collapses. I resent him so much, I have so much pain and frustration in my heart and still I must force to stand this stranger till everything will be over.
Does it always hearts like this before divorcing ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Christina.ich said:


> Be smart, I know it will be more difficult for me with the divorce because I don't have the Austrian citizen ship. That's why I must be sure the children will remain with me before take any legal step.
> 
> In the last days I have been so depressed, sad and angry with myself on the same time. Why I waited so long, why I got pregnant second time, why I choose to believe him 100 times when inside me and my mind I knew he is lying and will never change?!
> Now It is really the time to leave and I don't know where to take the strength and power to start the "war", because war it will be. Today I didn't even had the energy to do my usually task so depressed I feelt, and then I must stand sleeping with him in the same bed and pretend is everything ok when my world collapses. I resent him so much, I have so much pain and frustration in my heart and still I must force to stand this stranger till everything will be over.
> ...


You know why you feel like that ? Because you love him. 
Sometimes we do everything for the people who we love,but it hurts so much when they dont show us the same.
I feel for you 

Like I said before,do not do anything before you talk with lawyer. You will have a more clean picture where you stand.

I want to ask you about your mom.How is she ? Did she finished with her operation,did you call her ?
Also did you speak with your sister? Just speaking with her will move a stone from your heart,trust me.

Dont feel depresed. YOu still have your children,your little princes like you call her . Spend even more time with her,go to Zoo,to walk and stuff like that. 

That will make you happy trust me 

Stay strong Christina


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Be smart said:


> You know why you feel like that ? Because you love him.
> Sometimes we do everything for the people who we love,but it hurts so much when they dont show us the same.
> I feel for you
> 
> ...


Well, I suppose I still have feelings for him after all. I wonder how is this possible or if I didn't got crazy in all those years if after all he has done, he is still not indifferent to me. 


My mom is in the hospital, the operation was fine, she is in pain still but on Monday she can go home. Thank you for asking, this is very kind from you 
I did talk with my sister, was a good thing to do so.She thinks also that the best is to plan my escape and leave him. She knows him well, they talked some times about our problems and each time my husband victimized himself so well that she almost believed him. He plays very well and manipulate like no other, but she convinced herself that is all just play and she told me yesterday that she can just pity him because she really thinks he is suffering from a mental ilness. Like she said , we can't be angry with ill people , we can just pity them.

I try to play more with my daughter, today we went out Schopping, eating and was nice. She is a happy child,Thanks God. But the worst is when I'm at home, when I see him and when remembers and worry doesn't let me in peace. 
However I try slowly to accept the situation and let everything go. At the end there is no other option...

Thank you very much for your kind words, in special in this moments when I feel so alone, your words help me a lot 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

In order to help you with your depression, you first should accept your mistakes and learn from them. Also, do things that make you happy and fulfilled why you are working through this.

Feed your mind and body with positive things. Work out, find hobbies, find support, make new friends, explore your single self as an individual.

You cannot get those years back, but what life you still possess, you can improve upon. Learn from the past, but look forwards as well.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Christina.ich said:


> Well, I suppose I still have feelings for him after all. I wonder how is this possible or if I didn't got crazy in all those years if after all he has done, he is still not indifferent to me.
> 
> 
> My mom is in the hospital, the operation was fine, she is in pain still but on Monday she can go home. Thank you for asking, this is very kind from you
> ...


So happy for your mom. Dont lose contact with her. I know it is hard for you especially with your own problems,but keep in touch with her. She is going to need both of you,you and your sister. Be there for her,for moral suport at least.

I know you are dying to see her. Send her some cards,pictures of you and your princes .

Did your husband ask you about your shoping with daughter? Your time together?

I know he spends a lot of time from both of you,but dont let this got into you. You know he is never going to change and he is not worth of your pain.

Btw. how does he spends his time ? Still working late,facebook and not showing any emotional suport ?

Keep doing what you are doing. Your princes in world to you.Take her everywhere she wants.Viena is beautiful place.You will find peace with her,trust me 

Maybe try to find some friends.You know drinking coffe and talking about staff will take your mind from your problems. 

When is your date with lawyer? Make sure your husband dont know about it.

I almost forget. I told you once to check his e-mail and phone records. Any luck with that ?

Take care of you. Keep in touch.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So he controls everything in your life, forbids you to see your ailing mother, is distant, and basically put on an ACT to reel you in for marriage.

Your marriage is a sham and you are being abused.

Divorce him. He will owe you child support at least, so you can get stabilized on your own.


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Be smart said:


> So happy for your mom. Dont lose contact with her. I know it is hard for you especially with your own problems,but keep in touch with her. She is going to need both of you,you and your sister. Be there for her,for moral suport at least.
> 
> I know you are dying to see her. Send her some cards,pictures of you and your princes .
> 
> ...


My mom will come to me if she will be able to fly in one week. I'm really looking forward ,I miss her so much, plus she adores my baby girl and my daughter adores her grandma. 

My husband wanted to go with with us schopping but I told him I would rather go alone with my daughter only. The same he tried in the last days to go with us out, so today I accepted and we went eating all 3. 
In the last days I kept myself occupied with different activities like keeping the house thigh ,Schopping , preparing for Christmas,playing more with my princess, I read some self help books... I did all I could to be occupied and tired when I come to bed. He must have noticed something because he have tried to have conversation with me, to please me with different things or invite me to go out in the places he knows I like to go.
Today I went to his office to print something and the young secretary was not there, I suppose he told her not to come anymore.

The appointment with the lawyer is on the 11 December.

I can't check his emails and phone records,he has password on the phone and laptop. Beside, even if is something he would delete it anyway.

In all, I feel much better because after very long time I have a plan, and I'm on the middle, not him. I used to consume my energy, my thoughts and nerves on him, with what he does, with who he fantasies, witch young woman he sees on the street, each time I was not at home I was thinking he watch teen porn again and I suffered a lot .Now I want to detach, to get used with the idea that it was not to be and concentrate just on me and my daughter. I want to be the woman I was before I meet him. Back than I was confident and I made the rules not someone else. I never accept so much from somebody like now. I was very different... And I so wish to be like that again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

Be smart said:


> So happy for your mom. Dont lose contact with her. I know it is hard for you especially with your own problems,but keep in touch with her. She is going to need both of you,you and your sister. Be there for her,for moral suport at least.
> 
> I know you are dying to see her. Send her some cards,pictures of you and your princes .
> 
> ...


My mom will come to me if she will be able to fly in one week. I'm really looking forward ,I miss her so much, plus she adores my baby girl and my daughter adores her grandma. 

My husband wanted to go with with us schopping but I told him I would rather go alone with my daughter only. The same he tried in the last days to go with us out, so today I accepted and we went eating all 3. 
In the last days I kept myself occupied with different activities like keeping the house thigh ,Schopping , preparing for Christmas,playing more with my princess, I read some self help books... I did all I could to be occupied and tired when I come to bed. He must have noticed something because he have tried to have conversation with me, to please me with different things or invite me to go out in the places he knows I like to go.
Today I went to his office to print something and the young secretary was not there, I suppose he told her not to come anymore.

The appointment with the lawyer is on the 11 December.

I can't check his emails and phone records,he has password on the phone and laptop. Beside, even if is something he would delete it anyway.

In all, I feel much better because after very long time I have a plan, and I'm on the middle, not him. I used to consume my energy, my thoughts and nerves on him, with what he does, with who he fantasies, witch young woman he sees on the street, each time I was not at home I was thinking he watch teen porn again and I suffered a lot .Now I want to detach, to get used with the idea that it was not to be and concentrate just on me and my daughter. I want to be the woman I was before I meet him. Back than I was confident and I made the rules not someone else. I never accept so much from somebody like now. I was very different... And I so wish to be like that again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

He can see changes in you which is good,and I can see it too. Just go back to your first post and now this. You seem a lot happier. 

He have two lifes. One with you,good wife who will take care of house and kid and another one where he can go out with some young,stupid girls.Text them all night,spend night on fb. and other stuff.

Bring your mom to Viena as soon as possible.Maybe you can go with her to your lawyer at 11th. Would be nice if you have someone to be with you and listen to you.

I never asked you about your pregnancy,sorry. In which month are you? You know all this stuff can have a negative impact on your baby so be careful.I work at the Krankenhaus in Frankfurt so if you have any question feel free to ask.

Keep going for walks,it is a good thing for you and your children.
Dont even think about weight and if your husband keep talking about it just put it somewhere in the back of your head. You want healthy baby after all 


viele grüße


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your WH is a liar, cheater, and overall a bad human being. You are an honest person and overall a good human being. Why should a person like him jerk your life around? He has no right.

I'm glad that you are starting to feel more control. It is yours for the taking.

Make your plans to leave him. He will do his utmost to hoover you back in, but stay strong. Men like him are not just abusive husbands, they are also famously awful fathers. They imprint the worst dysfunction on their children.

Good riddance to him. Plot your exit and then free yourself.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

He will try to woo you back with false promises. Keep your mouth shut and eyes wide open, try and see if you can gather any evidence. Write down all the things you have discovered, dates, etc. keep your resolve till you meet your lawyer.


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

I know now that he has 2 lives. One with us and one on his own.It doesn't matter what I would do, he will never change because his personality is like this. So, no, I don't believe him and don't want him. He can play his theater, I will pretend I believe him but never fall in his tramp again .
For the first time in long time, I have a plan and this makes me feel great , although I'm scared of what the future will bring and how I will manage with 2 children. 
I made a list with what I need to move and is impossible in the moment, I simply don't have the money for anything. I will play some more months thill I can get a part of the things I need and according to what the attorney is saying if is intelligent or not to ask for divorce now or when I have a recent solid prove for what he does,I will decide when I will tell him is over. 
BE SMART, I'm 5 months pregnant. Baby is fine, at least this I can see on the ultrasounds. I had a lot of stress but try now not to stress because of stress ( I don't know if it makes sense . ) 
Funny is that he ALREADY choose the name of the baby. Will have his name , this after he choose the name of our daughter as well .... 

ALTE DAME, you are right he is not a nice person and what he deserve is that one day wakes up and sees that he is alone, that he lost his family for NOTHING or better say, for desire and affairs for other woman with who at the end will not last either, because he is interest just in sexual atraction (witch he confuse with love) and this is vanishing so fast as it come. And same right you have when you say that fathers like him imprint disfunction in their children, if I stay I think my daughter will be at great risk to choose somebody exatcly like him, because he is her model, that's what she sees.
AINE, I have a supposition that when he is convinced I stoped nagging and asking about pornograpy, or the woman he constantly check, he will make again his things, and I then must be around and collect the proves. Only with the right proves I can leave him on my terms after years when I lived on his.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are there agencies where you live that will help you financially?


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## Christina.ich (Nov 22, 2015)

turnera said:


> Are there agencies where you live that will help you financially?


Here is an agency witch helps the women witch were beaten, the wife's of alcoholics or drug adicts. Is more like an emergency for extreme cases.I'm not in this category. I have contacted them already. Besides, I heard from a woman I know who lived there one year that the conditions are horrible. I can't bring my daughter in such conditions, she have a princess life now. She have really everything she can wish for (Well, accept happy parents). I'm afraid will then reject me in such conditions. I must offer her a decent apartment with her room, toys, that she feel comfortable. At least this, the sadness I can't take away from her for not being together with her father.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No, I meant to set up a new place. Here in the US, you can apply for temporary help with food, and money and sometimes even housing.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

@Christina.ich do you remember my talk about co-worker from Romania? She was in the same situation just like you.

Here is what three of us did. She,our friend and me.

We applied for social welfare system help.We have to do this becasue she was runing out of contract with the Krankenhaus. 

They did check her application but told her she have to wait at least THREE MONTHS for any answer.
She was crushed.It was just another three months with her husband (who was just like yours),but she managed it. We were there for her. This is important so please always check with your mom and sister . 

They did borrow her a small apartment but it was nice. She found her peace and she was so happy. Also they payed her around 1200Euros but she was in "contract" to pay them back when she find a job. 
She got EVERY SINGLE help for her children. From toys to clothes.

After that time they helped her to find a job and with luck our Krankenhaus director write a letter for her.

Now she is living here in Frankfurt working with us and she got Deutch papers.

For me it was a happy ending 

I hope you can find some answers in this little story,because Austria have almost the same laws like we.

I am happy to hear about your pregnancy,but a little sad cus of husband and his choice about name. I thought it would be nice for you to name your little baby. In the other hand it does not matter,only wish for baby to be born healty .

Dont forget with Artz appointment. 

You have to wait till 11th and talk with your lawyer and before that stay strong. You are doing fine and I am happy for you. 

You told us your husband keep paswords on his phone,mail,fb ... maybe you can play a game with him. Tell him you have to call your mom and check on her,to see how is she doing after operation.Then with any luck you can look through.

Also if you can find strenght,try to call some of the woman your husband was using and talk with them. Dont forget to put this on paper and send it to your lawyer.

Tonight I am going to talk with my Romanian friend and ask her for any advice.Maybe I forget some key stuff.

Stay strong my lady.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Hello @Christina.ich. How are you ? 

I wanted to ask you about your lawyer appointment. You said it is going to be on 11th December.

I hope you got some answers about your problems.

Take care about yourself and your pregnancy.

Tschüss!


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