# More time for her Friends



## Rican (May 19, 2010)

I am currently married to my wife for the last 11 years; she is 16 younger than me. We have 2 children ages 8 and 9, I also have an adult child from a previous marriage. When I met my wife I was somewhat well off with a good paying job and she has managed to climb up in the nursing field in where she has a good salary. I on the other hand have stepped down the corporate ladder to a point I make enough money but not as before.

I have in the last couple of years noticed that I am no longer that attraction in her life. She seems to be much occupied with her work and friends. I have always been a strong person but this has gotten the best out of me. I guess I have held back so much anger that I am arguing a lot with her. She says my tone of voice is too high among other things. At times I believe my arguments may have ruined our marriage over words. Some of the things that I don’t understand are the constant texting she has with some of her colleagues at work in which one of them called Orlando (Gay) calls her a lot and texts to her almost daily. I sometimes think is about work but most of the time I don’t, I cant help myself getting other ideas. She is constantly invited to dinner activities that again are around the same folks at work. I may be over looking at this from a different view but as much as we discuss it she will defend her friends. The other day we got into a heated argument to a point where I threaten to leave that night, she said I always threaten her and kind of taunted me to do and not just say. I am confuse but also tied of the same crap, any suggestions?


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## withinbrandy (May 17, 2010)

I would plan a romantic dinner and make her plan to not have her phone anywhere around. If she uses the excuse its becasue of work...ask her to tell her coworkers she wont be available that evening. Get her away from the routine of things. Maybe all she needs is to feel wanted.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Rican, I'd like you to think about some things. One thing is you are causing problems in your marriage and disrespecting your wife. What do you think that will accomplish?

Another thing is you are expecting her while you, yourself, are not doing anything about it except complaining. What do you think that will accomplish?

You said, "_I am no longer that attraction in her life_" but are you doing anything besides being demanding. That is the way she sees you right now, and that is the reason she dared you to do and not just say. She neither wants nor needs any more of that, so at that moment, the thought of reprieve is enticing.

Lastly, the bottom line is you are complaining about her occupations (things, work, friends that occupy her mind and time) instead of again becoming that guy who once was the attraction in her life. You are no longer doing anything to provide that dopamine. Her work, friends, and other interests have replaced you, but you stepped aside and let that happen. In other words, all she sees is you telling her what to do and what you don't like. Who wants to be bothered with that? The thing is, you have to be just as dedicated to her and your marriage as you expect her to be, instead of just expecting her.

If you want to win back your wife's attention, devotion, and affection, this movie is all you need. Rent it. Watch it. Follow the principles.

Then, the two of you need to communicate, not argue. From this day forward, you are not allowed to get angry over her friends and activities. Remember, you have to devote yourself. Instead of getting angry and lashing out, offer to be supportive. When she tells you she is going somewhere, run her a bubble bath before she goes or ask if she wants dinner before she leaves.

Suggest a date night. Get a card and write an invitation to her favorite play, opera, restaurant, or dancing spot.

Ask her about work to get her to talk. Tell her about your day, too. Suggest that you both find things to do together to bring her focus back on you. That was you at one time. What happened to that guy?


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Really... watching the movie "Fireproof" will save my marriage? If only life were that simple Susan2010. Heck, then I could rent "Back to the Future" as well, and win the lotto, or "Ghandi" and usher in world peace.

I do believe though that you are right Susan about the arguing and the nagging part. Ultimately, a marriage is a friendship, and to have a friend you must first be a friend.

LIL


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