# Im here



## MarriageMirage (6 mo ago)

I'm new and if I could be honest I'm here for unbiased advice, to vent, and just to see if I'm viewing things wrong all the time. After 17 years I still don't have it figured out


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Your avatar made me laugh! Welcome! 🤗


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

MarriageMirage said:


> I'm new and if I could be honest I'm here for unbiased advice, to vent, and just to see if I'm viewing things wrong all the time. After 17 years I still don't have it figured out


Welcome to TAM!

I don't know about "unbiased" advice, but you can get an earful of _some_ kind of advice 🤣 

Seriously, none of us have it all figured out. You'll fit in just fine!


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## MarriageMirage (6 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM!
> 
> I don't know about "unbiased" advice, but you can get an earful of _some_ kind of advice 🤣
> 
> Seriously, none of us have it all figured out. You'll fit in just fine!





BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM!
> 
> I don't know about "unbiased" advice, but you can get an earful of _some_ kind of advice 🤣
> 
> Seriously, none of us have it all figured out. You'll fit in just fine!


🤣🤣 thank you lol


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Welcome! 

What's going on with you?


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## MarriageMirage (6 mo ago)

heartsbeating said:


> Welcome!
> 
> What's going on with you?


Marriage!! Feeling unheard and unloved but yet he says it all the time. I'm starting to think his version of love and mine are not the same. It's been 17yrs and I feel like we have been in survival mode and I'm tired


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

MarriageMirage said:


> Marriage!! Feeling unheard and unloved but yet he says it all the time. I'm starting to think his version of love and mine are not the same. It's been 17yrs and I feel like we have been in survival mode and I'm tired


Still need more info.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

MarriageMirage said:


> Marriage!! Feeling unheard and unloved but yet he says it all the time. I'm starting to think his version of love and mine are not the same. It's been 17yrs and I feel like we have been in survival mode and I'm tired


Unheard and unloved covers a whole bunch of ground.

Here’s a few questions that might get you some feedback if you can answer these:

17 years married, right? 1st marriages I assume? So I’m guessing you’re late 30’s? 
Any kids?
Do both of you work?
How’s your history? You got along great until……?

What about his behavior makes you feel unheard? And unloved? What does he do to make you feel this way?

What have you tried? Like talking, counseling, baseball bats, etc.
What is his response to those?

Are you perfect? How do you treat him?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

MarriageMirage said:


> Marriage!! Feeling unheard and unloved but yet he says it all the time. I'm starting to think his version of love and mine are not the same. It's been 17yrs and I feel like we have been in survival mode and I'm tired


welcome 
very good point " I'm starting to think his version of love and mine"
some people seem to need a lot of loving 
some just have a bad way in showing their love .
one little line i came accross once and think it is very good " foreplay is everything you do from the last time you made love to the next time " and this brings me to my first question 
when does he tell you he loves you , is itout of the blue time to time and last thing at bed time and first thing in the morning ?
some people do not except love or compliments from the one they live with because they think it is only just been said without any real feelings ,a bit like "your just saying that " part of this comes from LOW SELF ESTEAM.

I am married to a woman that over thinks everything , she worries about things and gives a lot of time rethinking things from the past 
she used to have LOW SELF ESTEAM. but that is less and less now but she still looks at herself at 58 years and thinks she is too fat even though she is in a normal weight to hight scale .

another question haw do you show him you love him and do you tell him that you love him out of the blue do you say it first ?

there is a lot of other questions i are we can ask but I will not bomb you just yet 
i hope you get some answers to you questions and get some light on how you improve from here it is through bouncing things off eachothers we learn and I am 30 something years with my first love and we are still learning and changing


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You should try to read the 5 Love Languages book. I bet that you both have very different ways of "seeing" love from the other and giving love to them. You both should understand this so that you can show HIM how HE likes to be loved, and he can show you how YOU like to be loved...


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## Jimmysgirl (9 mo ago)

Dude, when you figure it out clue me in. This marriage thing, as much as I love it and adore my hubby, does NOT come naturally for me. I'll never stop trying though


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