# r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not cheating



## betrayed2013

*r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not cheating*

I ask this becuz my wife recently put a password lock on her phone. Her reason is becuz she doesnt trust that I will stay away from it. She thinks i will snoop becuz I snooped on her f/b and found she had an affair. That was back in July and she password protected her phone i'd say 2 months ago? She swears she isnt texting any other guys...she says she doesnt want me to read what she is writing to her g/f's and what her g/f's are writing to her. I cant say my trust for her is 100% since the affair. I havent caught her in any bad situations since and she is remorseful, but this phone thing is driving me nuts. Basically wondering if there are any women out there doing the same and not talking with dudes her husband wouldnt approve of. Please be honest. Shes 37 almost and we've been married for 8 years, together for almost 11.


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## richie33

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Full transparency. She doesn't sound that remorseful. If she was she would understand the wound hasn't healed yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lordhavok

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Huge red flag dude, I would start snooping, she's up to something


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## tacoma

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Yeah, she hasn't stopped the affair or she's started a new one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## betrayed2013

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

to the men answering, im not looking for ur input. I want to know if there are women outthere that do this same thing and r not up to n e thing. I realize what u guys are saying and trust me I have the exact same thoughts as u do, but im looking for specific women who do this with nothing to hide thats all.


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## Mavash.

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I will tell you this snooping on her phone isn't a guarantee of anything. She could delete things as they come in. She could get a burner phone, go underground, etc.

I wouldn't like my husband going through my phone (I'm a private person) but he wouldn't because I have nothing to hide. My phone is locked but he has the password.


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## mildlyperplexed

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

The reason I password my phone is to make it less useful to a thief, not to keep my husband out.


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## ScarletBegonias

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



Mavash. said:


> I will tell you this snooping on her phone isn't a guarantee of anything. She could delete things as they come in. She could get a burner phone, go underground, etc.
> 
> I wouldn't like my husband going through my phone (I'm a private person) but he wouldn't because I have nothing to hide. My phone is locked but he has the password.


:iagree: this

I lock my phone bc of work.I don't pay for it either so if my employer tells me I have to keep it locked then I have no choice in the matter.
BUT if she has a history of being unfaithful I'd see her locking her phone as a red flag.


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## Goldmember357

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Why are you still with her?


Seriously i can understand the phone being locked for work purposes. But LOL at the idea that its normal for a spouse to NOT want their partner to look at their phone. You should be able to randomly see your spouses phone and "snoop". On the off chance you are feeling paranoid/insecure, the loving spouse should be quick to reassure you that NOTHING is happening, and will be quick to prove it to you by giving you their phone.


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## anony2

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

My phone is OUR phone, no password protection on anything that I have, my computer is completely open to my husband at all times. I haven't cheated, nor do I plan to.


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## Starstarfish

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

One of the few legitimate reasons to have a phone password protected is because you use it for work purposes and you do sensitive work where having the phone unlocked, should it be stolen/go missing would be a security issue. 

IE - you are a doctor, and patients have your cell phone number. Anyone else having access to your voicemail might technically violate privacy laws, even if the person is indeed your spouse. 

The other is if you have small children, and don't want them accidentally calling Thailand if they get a hold of your phone and start smashing buttons. 

However, OP - obviously you know if either of those situations apply.


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## Rob774

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I know the OP is looking for answers, specifically from the ladies, but i think they pretty much answered that by now. If caught in an affair, you lose the right... to be private about anything. She supposed to be "building trust"... instead she's continuing to shatter it. 

What's next is up to you, because if i were you, i'm already thinking the worst. Somethings going on. U already requesting access to the phone has probably given her a reason to go even further underground with her cheating. So by the time you access it, there's nothing left on there.


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## anotherguy

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Everyone with a smartphone should have it password protected. Everyone. No exceptions.

There is just too much information on it these days. People dont realize how they are exposing themselves.

Share passwords if you have trust issues, but dont leave it without basic protection from casual inspection and intrusion by undesirables.

Credentials: IT security expert. Give me your phone for 4 minutes - I can ruin your life.


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## underwater2010

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Gigs up. First off, I have never cheated and I don't password lock anything. 

If she had not cheated it might not be that big of an issue. But she did. And it would be a deal breaker for me if my FWH was to lock down anything...let alone his phone.

Do yourself a favor and ask her to unlock it so you can look. Watch her response.....bet she freaks the crap out.


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## underwater2010

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



betrayed2013 said:


> to the men answering, im not looking for ur input. I want to know if there are women outthere that do this same thing and r not up to n e thing. I realize what u guys are saying and trust me I have the exact same thoughts as u do, but im looking for specific women who do this with nothing to hide thats all.


My 13 yr old daughter locks her ipod touch....but her boyfriend has the password. Seems like she is a little more mature than your wife.


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## Cosmos

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

As your W has had an affair, she should be completely transparent with you regarding her phone and online activities. It is her job to rebuild your trust in her, and locking her phone is obviously going to make you feel uneasy - particularly as she has told you that it's in case you snoop!

I don't password protect my rather antiquated phone, but my SO has a Smart Phone and, for safety, keeps it password protected.


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## 3Xnocharm

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

If I were to password protect my phone, I would be sure to let the other half have the password.


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## pink_lady

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I do, but only because I don't want him to see what I've posted on this site or written about him to my sister. Nothing to do with cheating.


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## WaitForIt...

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

My personal cell stays locked because of my managerial position at work and risk of theft. The day I password protected it, I showed my husband exactly how to open it and have told him the password, UNASKED, several times. My work cell is not locked and never will be. I have nothing to hide. A relationship cannot survive with secrets and hiding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

*r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not cheating*

Nope, I have nothing to hide from my husband. He can go through any of my things at will, no questions asked.


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## triggerhappy

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I will never understand why someone would need to protect their "privacy" from their spouse. That is so shady.


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## bailingout

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Yes my phone is locked and I refuse to give spouse the code.

NO I am not cheating, never have, and in 20 years NO ONE has ever told my spouse that they have ever seen me or heard of me doing anything with another person that is inappropriate. 

My phone was not originally locked and I shared all my passwords on a family spreadsheet that spouse had full access to.

My spouse has severe trust issues and insecurities and they have nothing to do with me. 

Both issues have been prevelant our entire relationship. Initially I did what most do, I tried to reassure spouse that they had nothing to worry about. I did it for years and it never helped. 

In fact it made it worse, the more I was willing to explain, provide exact details, the longer I would allow the interrogation to go on, the more my spouse expected. To the point that I would have to explain the same thing 4-5-6 times, go through every detail, which road, what time, who I talked to, what we talked about and so on. If I changed a word or rephrased my explaination, then I was called a liar or spouse would claim I said something I didn't say. After years, as you can imagine, I got tired of that and decided at that point there was nothing I could do to ever make my spouse feel secure or trust me, it was up to my spouse to deal with it.  

It doesn't matter what I say, my spouse doesn't believe me. 

Recent conversation---
Spouse- "Do you know where my keys are"
Me- No
Spouse- "Were you in my car this morning?"
Me- No
Spouse- "You werent in my car this morning?"
Me- I just said I wasn't.
Spouse- "Were you in my car last night?
Me- no
Spouse- "You werent in my car last night or this morning?
Me- No. The last time I was in your car was before you went on your trip.
Spouse- " yeah sure...uhm hm...mumbling walking away.

Oh- and spouse does the same thing to our child.

My phone is locked and will remain locked and my spouse will not be given the code until they choose to deal with their insecurity and trust issues and stop blaming them on me.


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## FalconKing

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Seriously. The fact that you are even giving an ear to this AFTER you caught her cheating says a lot about your marriage. And on another note. What someone else allows in their marriage has little do with how comfortable or uncomfortable something makes you feel. For example, if every guy you knew was ok with letting their wives go out to clubs and bars alone on the weekends would you consider doing it? Rhetorical btw.


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## Anonymous07

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

My husband and I both have locks on our phones for safety reasons, in case the phones get stolen, BUT we both have the passwords for each others phones. He can use my phone/go through it when ever he wants, although he never does. The same goes for me. 

Since she has cheated in the past, it is a red flag that she has a lock on her phone that she won't share the password with you.


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## mildlyperplexed

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



triggerhappy said:


> I will never understand why someone would need to protect their "privacy" from their spouse. That is so shady.


Everyone has different privacy needs, and boundaries. My husband isn't allowed to touch my desk (except to use the pc), workbench, scaly pets and their gubbins, experiments or plant collections. Partly because he might damage them through ignorance but partly because it makes me feel intensely uncomfortable. It may not make a lot of sense but its important to me.

Oh and the bathroom door should be at least partly closed if someones using the toilet!

What rings my alarm bells with the phone is that it wasn't private before. What changed?


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## Coffee Amore

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I password protect my cellphone for safety reasons. I often have it on top of my work desk and I don't want some nosy colleague going through it when I'm at the copier or talking to someone. My husband knows my password so no secrets there. The password is to protect the phone from outsiders, not my husband.


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## waiwera

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I lock mine because my butt has pocket dialed people before but my H has my password. We share all passwords. No secrets.

The fact that she says it's to stop you snooping says it all really.

Sorry.


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## ChiGirl

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I lock my phone and stbx did have my password. We used each other's cell phones etc. I was not cheating.

I also locked my cell when I was with long term boyfriend, never cheated on him either.

The reason I locked my cell were more if I lost it etc 
In your wife's defense I would not want my husband reading all of my texts either - sometimes women talk and things get misinterpreted.

I guess it just seems fishy because she was unfaithful.


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## soccermom2three

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I have a password on my phone but it's to keep my kids off my phone. My 7 year old will pick it up to play games. If my husband wanted to check my phone I have no problem giving him my password because I have nothing to hide.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Yes, I have my phone connected to our campus email and network and it requires me to have security on my phone. When I got it set up at IT, it came out with pw set up. It's a bit of a pain to have to enter the security code but I've got used to it. Sometimes I have shared the pw with someone if they need to use the phone, or with a partner in case they thought I was being secretive.


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## terrence4159

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

i can walk up and grab my wifes phone from her hand and snoop through the whole thing she doesnt care, i never have cause she would let me do it


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## anotherguy

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



bailingout said:


> Yes my phone is locked and I refuse to give spouse the code....
> 
> My phone is locked and will remain locked and my spouse will not be given the code until they choose to deal with their insecurity and trust issues and stop blaming them on me.


Well good for you. Putting your foot down like that. Drawing this one final line in the sand. 

I might too I suppose if my wife was that insane. Seems sortof pointless though - adding fuel to her insecurity.


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## curlysue321

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

No password on my phone. Hubby can look all he wants.


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## Caribbean Man

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

We have no passwords on our smartphones, laptops,or ipads.

Even before smartphones were invented, I had my business email account hacked numerous times.
And I've also had my first iphone stolen. It was not password protected.
I do most of my banking online from my ipad, and nobody could access my account because I have the PIN#.
I don't do banking from my cellphone.

I think we more at risk of identity theft from using our credit cards.
In any event, I don't put personal stuff about myself on my phone.
If it should be lost or stolen, I immediately de activate the sim.
I have done so in the past, because I have had more than one phone stolen.
There is no need for passwords on our phones.

In fact, my wife installs every single app on my phone and she literally organizes the info n my phone.
She also has total access to my Facebook and Email.
All social networks or forums that I'm on has the same password she knows it and vice versa.


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## TRy

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



betrayed2013 said:


> I ask this becuz my wife recently put a password lock on her phone. Her reason is becuz she doesnt trust that I will stay away from it. She thinks i will snoop becuz I snooped on her f/b and found she had an affair. That was back in July and she password protected her phone i'd say 2 months ago?


 All I can say is wow. You forgave her without requiring remorse and full transparency and obviously without her showing you any respect. Talk about there not being any consequences to her cheating on you. You are in classic false recovery where all she is giving you is lip service. Fool you once, shame on her, fool you twice, shame on you.


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## RandomDude

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

OP, just listen to your gut.

I think you already know the answer, now your job is to NOT act paranoid, play it cool, arm your traps and seek evidence as clandestinely as possible.


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## Entropy3000

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



betrayed2013 said:


> I ask this becuz my wife recently put a password lock on her phone. Her reason is becuz she doesnt trust that I will stay away from it. She thinks i will snoop becuz I snooped on her f/b and found she had an affair. That was back in July and she password protected her phone i'd say 2 months ago? She swears she isnt texting any other guys...she says she doesnt want me to read what she is writing to her g/f's and what her g/f's are writing to her. I cant say my trust for her is 100% since the affair. I havent caught her in any bad situations since and she is remorseful, but this phone thing is driving me nuts. Basically wondering if there are any women out there doing the same and not talking with dudes her husband wouldnt approve of. Please be honest. Shes 37 almost and we've been married for 8 years, together for almost 11.


If she had an affair she needs to be transparent. Part of the deal with you taking her back.

Next question.


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## Tango

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I have my iPad password protected. I do ALL my research on it. He doesn't know the password because I change it all the time however, he just has to ask for the password and I give it to him. No I'm not screwing around on him, I just don't want my children to see or read something they are not ready for.


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## that_girl

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Nope. I have never locked my phone. I can't imagine doing that if I wasn't up to something sneaky. Too much work!

And she already cheated? yea. She's probably doing it again. Why would she care if you snooped if she was innocent? Hm...


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## FalconKing

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



that_girl said:


> Nope. I have never locked my phone. I can't imagine doing that if I wasn't up to something sneaky. Too much work!
> 
> And she already cheated? yea. She's probably doing it again. Why would she care if you snooped if she was innocent? Hm...


Thank you! It is that simple.


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## Maricha75

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Here, even simpler than that_girl's response....

I had one EA and didn't have a PW on my phone. I put a PW on the phone when I had my second EA. Why? For the same excuse your (OP) wife gave you: I don't want you snooping, looking at everything I am doing on my phone. Oh, she is probably telling the truth... she's not talking with the OM from before. More than likely, she has a NEW OM. SHE cheated. SHE needs to regain your trust. Putting a PW on the phone is NOT going to do that. It will only make things worse. Oh, and I no longer have a PW on mine. I took it off when my husband and I decided to R. Full, total transparency. Your wife is not doing that. Now, what are you going to do about it?


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## that_girl

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

My husband (STBX) has a password on his phone. I saw that about 4 months ago when I went to use his phone to find my phone.

I never mentioned it but yea...he's shady as hell...i know this.


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## Maricha75

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



Zanne said:


> I do not have a smart phone, but I keep my phone with me at all times and regularly delete my history. As for my online accounts - facebook, email accounts, etc. - my husband does NOT know those passwords and he sees a filtered version of my FB. I also delete my browsing history as we have shared computers in our household.
> 
> *I'm not having an affair*, but my husband is not my favorite person at the moment, so I don't feel he should have access. Also, he tends to overreact. Just being truthful here.


But...you DID have an EA. I get that you and your husband have had a lot of problems, even ones not related to infidelity, but you WERE unfaithful. And after infidelity, hiding things in any manner, could easily be construed as cheating or looking to cheat. This is why I keep it all open to my husband. I don't want him to even have to worry that I am being unfaithful. If I had a PW on my devices, he would question it...and he would "overreact" as you put it. I am not cheating.... but how would it look after I HAD cheated? "Abstain from all appearance of evil"... If I don't want him to THINK I am, or may be, cheating again... then I need to avoid even APPEARING that I might.


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## Anon Pink

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



betrayed2013 said:


> to the men answering, im not looking for ur input. I want to know if there are women outthere that do this same thing and r not up to n e thing. I realize what u guys are saying and trust me I have the exact same thoughts as u do, but im looking for specific women who do this with nothing to hide thats all.


I have private conversations that I don't want to share with my H. Sometimes they are about our marriage; I'm venting or working through my thoughts and feelings. It would not be helpful for our marriage if he was privy to my rants and confusion. Sometimes I am not ready to confide in him. Then, there are conversations that do not concern him or our relationship but I keep private from him to keep the confidence of the person with whom I am conversing.

BUT, my husband has no reason to doubt my fidelity to him. If I had had an affair, I would not have the same "right" to privacy because I have broken his trust. 

Your wife HAS broken your trust and if she truly wants it back, then she must give up her right to privacy for a reasonable length of time for you to have confidence, once again, in her faithfulness. It's hard to put a finite time on what is reasonable, but a few months doesn't seem at all realistic, IMO.

2nd BUT, this is predicated on the assumption that both you and your wife are working together, as well as individually, to address the issues in your marriage. Why did she cheat? What were the contributions you made to establishing or in permitting an environment where an extramarital affair could take place, if any? If you are not addressing these issues first and foremost, demanding transparency is putting the cart before the horse.


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## LoveBeingFemale

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Haven't read through all the posts and have no idea if it applies to you or not. My phone doesn't have a password, but my computer does. Hubby knows password. The only reason I would password is because of my children--preteens and teens. They want to play games on the phone or they want to watch videos which, according to our phone plan, we would be charged extra for the data that is streaming??. The other thing is, and I've thought about passwording it, would be in case the phone gets lost or stolen. But I would never tell my husband I don't want him to read what I write to friends.


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## Maricha75

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



LoveBeingFemale said:


> Haven't read through all the posts and have no idea if it applies to you or not. My phone doesn't have a password, but my computer does. Hubby knows password. The only reason I would password is because of my children--preteens and teens. They want to play games on the phone or they want to watch videos which, according to our phone plan, we would be charged extra for the data that is streaming??. The other thing is, and I've thought about passwording it, would be in case the phone gets lost or stolen. But I would never tell my husband I don't want him to read what I write to friends.


Agreed. My computer has a PW, and he is the one who put it on there. LOL but half the time, he forgets how to spell what he made it! In those instances, I just put it in to log on for him. Now, if I ever DID go back to a PW, It would be for the above mentioned reasons. But in that case, I would be sure to let him know the PW and/or put it in and hand it over if he wants/needs my phone.He has memory issues, so it's likely he would forget the PW anyway. But I'd have no problem sharing it with him.


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## Lurking No More

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I have password on mine ,because of it being smart phone i search internet/FB etc.... I if I would lose it I don't want strangers in my business . 

Boyfriend (20 + yrs) has full access to it anytime.

computer also has a password I don't know if he knows the PW or not has never asked unless to do something a guest acct. doesn't allow. I don't think he remembers PW though. 

As matter of fact I can guarantee he doesn't know it because he asks me his passwords to his email etc...


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## AlphaHalf

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

you already know she is capable of having an affair. what type of story did she try to tell before you caught her? She had her privacy and decided to cheat behind your back. whats more important to her, gaining your trust or locking her phone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totallywarped

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Hell no! if she wants your forgiveness she better well make herself an open freaking book for as long as YOU want. She has to earn back the trust and that can't be done if you're not able to see what she's up to.

*btw I am a woman and I have a pw on my phone and computer to keep my kids out, my husband has my passwords. I'm not doing anything wrong therefore I have nothing to hide.


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## Holland

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Am a woman, I have never cheated, not even while in a sexless marriage. I would never, ever cheat.

My phone and all computers are PW locked.


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## moxy

*r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not ch*

Sounds shady to me.


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## captainstormy

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

All phones, computers, tablets, flash drives, etc etc should be encrypted and password protected.

However, I believe your spouse should know the password.


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## Emerald

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I do not password protect my cell phone.


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## seasalt

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

She certainly can password protect her phone for all of the good, right and smart reasons given by other posters, but because she has a history of being unfaithful she should allow you to look at her phone, or other devices, when you request to do so.

If she won't then she is not deserving of your trust at any level.

Seasalt


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## Quantmflux

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



BrookeT said:


> I have 2 phones, personal and work issued, both have a password. I am not cheating, and won't. My company requires a password on a work issued phone, and I didn't have a choice, they automatically put it on there when they gave it to me, and the profile they put on it won't allow the password lock to be removed. My personal phone is password protected in case I lose it, or its stolen. Husband has the password to both.
> 
> For what it's worth, both of my Husbands phones are password protected to. I have the passwords to both.


As an IT INFOSEC and compliance specialist I always sort of cringe when I read comments like this even though I understand it always goes this way 

*Technically* you guys really shouldnt exchange your work passwords. I get that relationships are sacred to people, etc. But that work issued phone is a corporate asset that contains data owned by the corporation.

The person to whom its issued is bound by non-disclosure and policy agreements with respect to that asset and its information.

If a spouse saw an email, for example, that said "guidance in advance of Q3 report - CONFIDENTIAL" that indicated that the corporation was on the verge of announcing disappointing results, and then casually mentioned that to a buddy "man... wife's company is in the CRAPPER!" and said buddy had the stock and dumped it, and told a few friends, that constitutes insider trading. Not sure if people realize how serious of a responsibility this kind of thing is. It trumps relationship comfort IMO.

Yes yes I know... threadjack  But I think its worth saying and thinking about for people 

Of course work phones have nothing to do with the OP who, I believe, is talking about a personal phone and a very specific situation, but many have brought it up so....


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## janesmith

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

im not cheating and neither is my husband. 1. I password protect my phone because I have kids 2. I saw a story on dateline, dont laugh, about how if you lose your phone hackers can get at all sorts of information. So i passworded it. I lost my phone at my second job and it was found 3 miles from the job on the ground. I fully believe it was abandoned because they couldnt get into it because of the password


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## janesmith

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



bailingout said:


> Recent conversation---
> Spouse- "Do you know where my keys are"
> Me- No
> Spouse- "Were you in my car this morning?"
> Me- No
> Spouse- "You werent in my car this morning?"
> Me- I just said I wasn't.
> Spouse- "Were you in my car last night?
> Me- no
> Spouse- "You werent in my car last night or this morning?
> Me- No. The last time I was in your car was before you went on your trip.
> Spouse- " yeah sure...uhm hm...mumbling walking away.
> 
> *Oh- and spouse does the same thing to our child.*
> 
> My phone is locked and will remain locked and my spouse will not be given the code until they choose to deal with their insecurity and trust issues and stop blaming them on me.


to not have the opportunity to feel trusted and to bask in the good feelings it brings is so sad.....for your child. And good for you for no longer participating in that madness. Protect your child from that, s/he cant make the choices you did.


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## Tigger

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Yes, in case my phone gets stolen or I leave it in a meeting room and some nosy person wants to snoop in it.


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## Pault

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I have a simple concept here. In a marridge where we swear love to the other I gave up my privacy the day I said I would love and cherish... I made it simple since cells first came out, my W could get to it look in it at anytime - I have had to lock a cell because Ive been in areas of business where someone would just love to see texts and take on some of my contacts. But at all times I make sure my W knows how to get in it no matter what. 
Emails are the same and facebook although I dont use it for months on end. 
If my W was caught snooping on any of these I can stand here and say I will not mind nor would I get annoyed. I know some of the ladies here have said they've locked due to girly chats becoming viewed by their partner and they dont want that. My attitude is - if a partner isnt supposed to see it - dont do it. But thats my humble opinion and certainy not something Id enforce or use against anyone. Im just very transparent. I had once been accused of reading my wifes messages, she was really annoyed and went as red as h3ll when I said Id looked in her phone book for her friends number because Id asked her to make my W a very special supprise birthday cake and to distribute the invitations to her supprise party. On production of all the supprise stuff Id hidden in the house her face was a picture. My attitude after was off because I was told I had no right to have looked without asking it made her feel like I thought she was cheating. So now when her cell rings or needs to have pictures taken off or ringtones put on etc I just refuse outright to touch it. It has caused a situation between us and Im now digging my heels in even though she says there was nothing there anyway I simply pointed out her reaction and now I let her stew in her own juice. I dont suspect her of cheating but she knows that if there is something shes up or her friends are up to and she knows about it then be aware that it WILL came and take a massive bite out her butt sooner or later. 

I will say this for both sexes. Consider the day that something happens to the either party i.e. a massive road accident and there is information on a phone like contact details that your partner needs - oits locked and passworded . If like me 12 months ago you were in smashed up ad your W had to contact people it difficult to do that when youve locked them out - after all they are the first and last people youd trust ? In my case my W was able to make contact with all releant people and tell them that I was in coma. It isnt until times like that passworded cells become a major issue and if there is something in them you dont want your partner to knwo then dont do it first off.


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## N_chanted

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I lock my phone. and i always have it on password protect, however it's not set to default as locked until after 1 hour of being idle.

I have a lot of kids, some young ones, and they will pick up my phone and play with it, delete stuff, etc. 
Also, I'm in management where i work, so there are some sensitive things on the phone (in emails) that could be an issue if i left it laying around. I do tend to lock it immediately when i leave my desk at work and i am leaving the phone there.

As far as showing my H, i dont know. We are not living together. I dont feel like he's transparent to me and to be honest, i tried for so long, and he ignored me, and my efforts (although he admits he knows i was trying). He doesnt ask to see my phone, and i think that's because if he asks me, he's afraid i will ask to see his....

but like i said, it doesnt default to lock until after an hour of being idle. so if he really wanted to look at it, he could when i am there. all he would have to do is pick it up.


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## EnjoliWoman

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I think it's common to prevent snooping (by kids, coworkers, etc.) but if i put a password on my phone I'd tell my SO. 

I was dating someone who had been cheated on by his wife and I purposefully asked him to check my texts when I heard the tone (hands full, he was closer, might be my daughter) and gave him the password. I did this so he knew I wasn't hiding anything. I was trying to be considerate of his history. He never asked, I just wanted him to feel comfortable.


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## Maricha75

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



EnjoliWoman said:


> I think it's common to prevent snooping (by kids, coworkers, etc.) but if i put a password on my phone I'd tell my SO.
> 
> I was dating someone who had been cheated on by his wife and I purposefully asked him to check my texts when I heard the tone (hands full, he was closer, might be my daughter) and gave him the password. I did this so he knew I wasn't hiding anything. I was trying to be considerate of his history. He never asked, I just wanted him to feel comfortable.


See, something like that, I would absolutely do. And, after reading IT guys here saying "you should have a password to protect from thieves!", it is making me rethink the fact that I do NOT have a password at this time. However, if I DO put one on there, I absolutely would tell my husband the password. After having an EA, there is no way I put one on there without telling him what it is. But I do want to point out something.... some people do it without password protecting.


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## Aunt Ava

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

No password, and I would hand my phone over any time asked. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing.


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## Aunt Ava

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



Pault said:


> I have a simple concept here. In a marridge where we swear love to the other I gave up my privacy the day I said I would love and cherish... I made it simple since cells first came out, my W could get to it look in it at anytime - I have had to lock a cell because Ive been in areas of business where someone would just love to see texts and take on some of my contacts. But at all times I make sure my W knows how to get in it no matter what.
> Emails are the same and facebook although I dont use it for months on end.
> If my W was caught snooping on any of these I can stand here and say I will not mind nor would I get annoyed. I know some of the ladies here have said they've locked due to girly chats becoming viewed by their partner and they dont want that. My attitude is - if a partner isnt supposed to see it - dont do it. But thats my humble opinion and certainy not something Id enforce or use against anyone. Im just very transparent. I had once been accused of reading my wifes messages, she was really annoyed and went as red as h3ll when I said Id looked in her phone book for her friends number because Id asked her to make my W a very special supprise birthday cake and to distribute the invitations to her supprise party. On production of all the supprise stuff Id hidden in the house her face was a picture. My attitude after was off because I was told I had no right to have looked without asking it made her feel like I thought she was cheating. So now when her cell rings or needs to have pictures taken off or ringtones put on etc I just refuse outright to touch it. It has caused a situation between us and Im now digging my heels in even though she says there was nothing there anyway I simply pointed out her reaction and now I let her stew in her own juice. I dont suspect her of cheating but she knows that if there is something shes up or her friends are up to and she knows about it then be aware that it WILL came and take a massive bite out her butt sooner or later.
> 
> I will say this for both sexes. Consider the day that something happens to the either party i.e. a massive road accident and there is information on a phone like contact details that your partner needs - oits locked and passworded . If like me 12 months ago you were in smashed up ad your W had to contact people it difficult to do that when youve locked them out - after all they are the first and last people youd trust ? In my case my W was able to make contact with all releant people and tell them that I was in coma. It isnt until times like that passworded cells become a major issue and if there is something in them you dont want your partner to knwo then dont do it first off.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I think the above post is excellent and should be read more than once. A simple "like" isn't enough. Great post, well done, your advice should be heeded by one and all.


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## d4life

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I dont have a password on mine either, but if I did my husband would be the first to know it. I leave my facebook signed in most of the time. Even my kids know my passwords to my email and such. I have nothing to hide. I really do live a boring life. :rofl:


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## KeepLoveGrowing

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Just to add my 2 cents..

I have a password protected phone but only because it's required of my work (I deal with patient-hospital information which goes to my email which goes to my phone). I have nothing to hide. My hubby has the password. 

She shouldn't password protect it, and you shouldn't be snooping. Just my thoughts.


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## Maricha75

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



KeepLoveGrowing said:


> She shouldn't password protect it, and you shouldn't be snooping. Just my thoughts.


She shouldn't have cheated. If she wants him to trust her, then she needs to have everything open to him. Frankly, that means she should be willing to let him verify there is no longer any cheating going on... including looking at emails, social media/messages, etc. If she doesn't want him to be able to do that...well, then maybe she should leave. Sorry, but someone who has cheated can NOT expect that the loyal spouse is just gonna "let it go" and "move on"... and that's exactly what is implied when someone says "you shouldn't snoop" when a spouse has cheated.


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## totamm

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



betrayed2013 said:


> Basically wondering if there are any women out there doing the same and not talking with dudes her husband wouldnt approve of. Please be honest. Shes 37 almost and we've been married for 8 years, together for almost 11.


I'm virtually certain that on this planet of over a billion people there are other women who are password protecting their phones and not talking with guys their husband doesn't approve of.

So what?

Your wife cheated on you and continues to operate in secrecy.

You've got some serious problems with her, and it doesn't matter what the other guy's wives are doing because you're not married to THEM.

For reconciliation to work following an affair, the cheater must be remorseful and do basically anything the betrayed partner wants them to do. Password protecting her phone doesn't fit that particular equation.

You allowing her to password protect her phone after she was caught cheating in the past, is telling her that you're a doormat and she can do whatever she wants and she can get away with it.


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## Therealbrighteyes

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I have my phone password protected for the reason another woman said here, in case of theft. He knows the password and I know his. 

To me, it doesn't sound like your wife cares about your feelings. After having an affair, it is paramount that full transparency is given and that means access to her cell phone. Please keep in mind though that many just get a disposable phone so if you have suspicions, don't rely solely on her (known) cell phone. 

I am really sorry you are going through this. You may want to step in to the Coping With Infidelity section. Lot's of great advice there.


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## Pault

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

@ Aunt AVA
Thanks for that comment on my post. Nice to know its appreaciated. The sad part is that following my W's outburst I did something I thought Id never do, I became a little concerned over the state of my marridge and it did cross my mind that something was going on. Ive told her this and my W realises that even hiding girly chat can cause issue. My resolution was when told the text may be very private to one of her friends and that it would not be right for me to see this "secret" is for my W to say Ok X has problems and Im a shoulder to cry on for a while, my reply was simple. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, as we all do now and then fine but just rememeber, there is a line and if you cross it then you may open pandoras box. If the friend has that much of a secret then they need to be talking to professionals or their own partner, if they dont then their own partner is being unfairly treated and that means that your friend isnt that transparent .... It has certainly made her think.


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## Mrs.Webster

I cant speak for other women out there, but i have a password on my phone, my tablet, and had one on my computer. I have never been unfaithful to my husband. But there are things my sisters/friends talk about that he doesnt need to read. Simply because that is their business, and they dont want him knowing. The tablet is passcode protected so that no one else can get on it and mess anything up for my college classes, but he has the passcode. And the computer (until my brother busted the screen) was also password protected to keep my cousins, siblings, etc., out of it when they were over all the time. And occasionally if a holiday or special occasion is coming up and im planning something for my husband, i change the passcodes to keep him from finding out before hand. So yes, you can have a passcode on your phone without cheating. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## time2heal

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I keep my phone locked because my boss as work likes to snoop through phones.

I always take the lock code off of it when I am home, but sometimes I forget. My husband knows what password I usually use, but sometimes he forgets. If my husband asks about it, I unlock my phone immediately and let him look through it. But I like him to know that he can go through my phone even if I'm not standing right next to him.


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## Dad&Hubby

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



betrayed2013 said:


> I ask this becuz my wife recently put a password lock on her phone. *Her reason is becuz she doesnt trust that I will stay away from it. She thinks i will snoop becuz I snooped on her f/b and found she had an affair. *That was back in July and she password protected her phone i'd say 2 months ago? She swears she isnt texting any other guys...she says she doesnt want me to read what she is writing to her g/f's and what her g/f's are writing to her. I cant say my trust for her is 100% since the affair. I havent caught her in any bad situations since and she is remorseful, but this phone thing is driving me nuts. Basically wondering if there are any women out there doing the same and not talking with dudes her husband wouldnt approve of. Please be honest. Shes 37 almost and we've been married for 8 years, together for almost 11.


And your response to this should've been. "YOU'RE DAMNED SKIPPY I'M GOING TO SNOOP. Don't you DARE throw the "trust" card in my face. I don't trust you, you broke that trust in the ultimate way. The fact that you're hiding ANYTHING tells me you're having an affair so we're done. IF you were TRULY remorseful with what you did, you'd open yourself up FOR me and not be something that I have to "snoop" for."

100% things are continuing. Don't hesitate, don't pass go, don't collect $200. Go and FILE. Give her the paperwork and tell her, you can't trust someone who isn't going to be fully transparent.


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## Pault

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



Originally Posted by betrayed2013
I ask this becuz my wife recently put a password lock on her phone. Her reason is becuz she doesnt trust that I will stay away from it. She thinks i will snoop becuz I snooped on her f/b and found she had an affair. That was back in July and she password protected her phone i'd say 2 months ago? She swears she isnt texting any other guys...she says she doesnt want me to read what she is writing to her g/f's and what her g/f's are writing to her. I cant say my trust for her is 100% since the affair. I havent caught her in any bad situations since and she is remorseful said:


> betrayed2013, looking at this it really isnt a cse of you being paranoid, it not controlling functions coming into play and its not something you should beat yourself up about doing.
> 
> You W has a history of betraying the ultimate trust in one person that should never be broken. If she has cheated then she has certainly lied to you across the affairs to cover her tracks. It may also be that she was cheating in a pack (her and her female friends were up to it together). The discussions shes having with her girl friends (if thats who they are) are certainly something she feels guilty about even if she not involved with another guy and therefore she certainly knows that the content of those texts are something which will cause her serious isses should you see them. There are a number of things you can do - you could just take the cell - open it and get to the sim card and then have it cracked. There are companies that do this and there are software packages out there that can find and change the password, you can get at her bills and find an itemised one and log all the numbers checking who these are or you can, and its the one thats most difficult is to take the cell off her when shes using it unlocked. That will certainly cause a confrontation but as it appears that most reading your post have said if she nothing to hide having been causght once before then she certainly should be happy (if shes serious about continuing biuldidng the trust) for you to read through her cell, email and anything else. It certainly up to her to prove this is nothing unsavory going on and not up to you to prove there is. One thing that did cross my mind reading the posts here. You W is insistant that its the "girls" she talking to is there any possibility that shes in a developing EA/PA with one of these? I dont like to suggest but there certainly seems reason to believe that there is someone on the other end of the cell and if she swaers it not male and shes hiding female communication, it might be something to look into without her knoledge of course and gather what you can. Ultimatly you are going to have gut surges over the cell until you've had her prove whats going on and if shes not forethcoming then its time to start making waves about splitting.


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## Caribbean Man

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



EnjoliWoman said:


> I think it's common to prevent snooping (by kids, coworkers, etc.) but if i put a password on my phone I'd tell my SO.
> 
> I was dating someone who had been cheated on by his wife and I purposefully asked him to check my texts when I heard the tone (hands full, he was closer, might be my daughter) and gave him the password. I did this so he knew I wasn't hiding anything. I was trying to be considerate of his history. He never asked, I just wanted him to feel comfortable.


I do this with my wife all the time. Even last evening we were lying in bed an someone sent a text. I asked her to get it and read it for me please. Somebody sent happy valentines to myself and her.
I asked her the # but I didn't recognize it.
I don't delete my phones history often, so she scrolled back , read a few other texts from the same # and then I was able to identify who sent the message.
The point is that we are very open with each other, we sometimes even answer each others phones if we are not in close proximity when it rings.

If my wife should become protective of her phone I would become very suspicious, and I guess vice versa.


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## stopandmakecoffee

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

i password protect my PC. not my phone though. but STBXH has all access to my PC, as i told him my password.not sure why i bothered to use the password anyway.


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## LilyStone

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I lock my smart phone. I do all my banking and have work product stored also. I also believe everybody is entitled to privacy. I keep my personal journal, my private thoughts stored on my phone. While I am doing nothing wrong, morally or legally, my husband assumes I am hiding something from him. I unlock my phone upon his request at anytime, he goes through it, never finds anything and is still suspicious. Maybe it's just his nature but after 31 years of marriage, he is beginning to push me right out the door!


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## bailingout

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



LilyStone said:


> Maybe it's just his nature but after 31 years of marriage, he is beginning to push me right out the door!


LilyStone I understand this completely. This is exactly what my spouse has done. I spent years trying to reassure my spouse that I was trustworthly. Eventually I realized it wasn't about me, it was spouses inability to trust. So, I stopped reassuring in the hopes they would figure it out. Nope. Never did. It surely is a sad way to live. Good luck to you.


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## Hortensia

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I put a password on my phone because in case I lose it or have it stolen, I don't want strangers reading my texts, seeing my pics and talking off my minutes. But hubby can have the password anytime: there is nothing he would find so why not?
In your case, your wife has something to hide. The affair probably still goes on. She should be remorseful, fully transparent, and very very honest. She's not.


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## loveispatient

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



betrayed2013 said:


> to the men answering, im not looking for ur input. I want to know if there are women outthere that do this same thing and r not up to n e thing. I realize what u guys are saying and trust me I have the exact same thoughts as u do, but im looking for specific women who do this with nothing to hide thats all.


I password protect my phone. Always have for security purposes. "H" and I are separated and even now, I keep it password protected. There's no infidelity though. We are working on R but even then I see no reason for him to snoop on my phone when there's no reason for him to do.


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## lovesux

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Point blank period. In an ideal world, there should be no passwords, locks with gadgets/websites between spouses.
Talk to each other and confront. The truth will set you free...

Hiding stuff is not good for "trust"..the key in any relationship.


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## loveispatient

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



lovesux said:


> Point blank period. In an ideal world, there should be no passwords, locks with gadgets/websites between spouses.
> Talk to each other and confront. The truth will set you free...
> 
> Hiding stuff is not good for "trust"..the key in any relationship.


I agree, but I don't want my texts, pics and personal info exposed if I lose my phone. So while I agree trust is necessary, I'm advocate of password protecting anything that could be lost (i.e. Ipad, cell phones, laptops etc.). In the OP's case, he's got reason to be concerned, so transparency is absolutely necessary.


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## TheManinBlack

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



betrayed2013 said:


> I ask this becuz my wife recently put a password lock on her phone. Her reason is becuz she doesnt trust that I will stay away from it. She thinks i will snoop becuz I snooped on her f/b and found she had an affair. That was back in July and she password protected her phone i'd say 2 months ago? She swears she isnt texting any other guys...she says she doesnt want me to read what she is writing to her g/f's and what her g/f's are writing to her. I cant say my trust for her is 100% since the affair. I havent caught her in any bad situations since and she is remorseful, but this phone thing is driving me nuts. Basically wondering if there are any women out there doing the same and not talking with dudes her husband wouldnt approve of. Please be honest. Shes 37 almost and we've been married for 8 years, together for almost 11.


Both my wife and I have passwords on out phones for good reasons:
1. in case we lose the phone, our personal details are somewhat protected
2. it keeps out young kids from messing with the settings.

However...we knew each other's passwords from Day1. There is no hiding. She has used my phone and I have used hers on occasion.


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## Maricha75

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



loveispatient said:


> I agree, but I don't want my texts, pics and personal info exposed if I lose my phone. So while I agree trust is necessary, I'm advocate of password protecting anything that could be lost (i.e. Ipad, cell phones, laptops etc.). In the OP's case, he's got reason to be concerned, so transparency is absolutely necessary.





lovesux said:


> Point blank period. In an ideal world, there should be no passwords, locks with gadgets/websites *between spouses.*
> Talk to each other and confront. The truth will set you free...
> 
> Hiding stuff is not good for "trust"..the key in any relationship.


The key words are "between spouses". Should we password protect our gadgets? Sure... but spouses should be privy to that information. The ONLY exception I could possibly see is if it is strictly work related. Otherwise, spouses should know the info.


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## sandc

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Your wife should have her cellphone locked and she should share the password with you and she should let you look at it when ever you want. My wife knows all my passwords and I've never had an affair. Transparency is part and parcel of marriage.

You have a problem on your hands.


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## betrayed2013

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

u guys who said something is going on were correct. See my newest thread in the coping section. Lets face it, I knew down deep, but was looking for reassurance of my paranoia. Ur gut is always right.


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## Kaya62003

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I password protected my phone while I was married. I wasnt cheating! It was to keep it from being used if I lost it. However, my husband did think I was hiding something. He went through my phone all the time and accused me of cheating. Well fast forward to now, we are getting a divorce because (drum roll) he's the cheater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reeskoma

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

I have been married for 8 years now but my wife always has a password on her phones which i usually dont know about because when i ask her and get it she keep changing them after i know one... I have complained and asked she does that but she doesn't give me any reason for her habit of changing passwords but only assures me that she is trustworthy and is not doing anything behind my back...Now is there something wrong such attitude? Any advise please


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## xMadame

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*



reeskoma said:


> I have been married for 8 years now but my wife always has a password on her phones which i usually dont know about because when i ask her and get it she keep changing them after i know one... I have complained and asked she does that but she doesn't give me any reason for her habit of changing passwords but only assures me that she is trustworthy and is not doing anything behind my back...Now is there something wrong such attitude? Any advise please




She gives you the password when you ask for it. That means she is not doing anything like texting other guys and such.

She changes the password after she willingly gives it to you. That means that it is her phone and she wants to have some privacy. Nothing wrong with that.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## DayOne

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Zombie thread!


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## WilliamM

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

Over 4 years old. Bones, just bones.

Where's that zombie picture?


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## MattMatt

*Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea*

@reeskoma You have placed your post in a very old thread. In order to receive more replies to your question, please re-post it in your own, new thread.


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