# My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..



## HarleyRose

My husband likes to go out once in a while with some friends, which i have absolutely no problem with. However EVERY TIME he does go out he says "Babe i wont be home late ill be home early" then he comes strolling in from 2am-4am. One time he even came home 7:30am and i was livid! Its not that i do not trust him because i do, its the fact that he makes promises to me and breaks them constantly. "baby i promise ill be home early" I feel as if maybe im not that important to him to keep a promise. Another thing is, he is easily influenced. Example: i was sick and we had a babys birthday to go to, so he went to bring a gift and said he PROMISES to be home early to be there for me. Some friends that were there (another married couple whos marriage is about nothing but partying and getting wasted) asked him to go to a club after the BABYS birthday when he said he dont know he had to discuss it with his wife (me).I explained to him that i usually dont mind he goes out but he promised me this time he would come home early and be there for me. He decides to go anyway. Next thing i know hes strolling in at 7:30am. And he gets mad at me for being mad at him saying im crazy and it was no big deal. So i feel like he is constantly putting other before me. they want him to go out and stay out late he does it. they want him to drink he does it.So what i want to know is AM i crazy? Am i wrong for feeling the way i do?

I dont know, i know a grown man/woman doesnt need a curfew, but if your a married couple there has to be some boundries. i just think a married man./woman has no business being out all hours of the morning when he/she has a wife/husband at home, alone waiting for them. Advice please?


----------



## trey69

His promises are worthless. So are his words, you need to look at his actions. If you feel his actions makes you feel unimportant then you are correct. This is not a man who acts married IMO. He acts like a college kid who wants to stay out and party and come home whenever he pleases. Time to put your foot down and in still some boundaries. He is walking all over you because you let him. Its ok to have boundaries in a relationship, you're supposed too. Its also ok to tell him NO once in awhile.


----------



## norajane

> i just think a married man./woman has no business being out all hours of the morning when he/she has a wife/husband at home, alone waiting for them.


Tell him this, but add that if he keeps doing it, he won't have a wife waiting for him at home anymore. 

You are the only one who can maintain your boundaries. He knows nothing will happen if he strolls in at 7:30 in the morning.

Next time he wants to go out, say no. Remind him that the last time you said yes, he came home at 7:30 after promising to be home early, so he has proven that he can't keep his promises so you're saying NO now.


----------



## Prodigal

trey69 said:


> His promises are worthless. So are his words, you need to look at his actions. If you feel his actions makes you feel unimportant then you are correct. This is not a man who acts married IMO. He acts like a college kid who wants to stay out and party and come home whenever he pleases. Time to put your foot down and in still some boundaries. He is walking all over you because you let him. Its ok to have boundaries in a relationship, you're supposed too. Its also ok to tell him NO once in awhile.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

And I'd like to add a P.S. to what trey has said. Does your husband have a tendency to "party" a bit too much too often; in other words, does he drink a lot more than the average guy? Does he come home trashed, or is he sober when he makes his early a.m. appearance?


----------



## CallaLily

He keeps breaking his "promises" because there are no consequences for his actions. He acts just like a teenager who hasn't gotten partying out of his system yet. Its real convenient for him to go out partying all night while you're home with a baby worrying when he may be home. He is being selfish and disrespectful. It sup to you what you will and will not tolerate.


----------



## HarleyRose

trey69 said:


> His promises are worthless. So are his words, you need to look at his actions. If you feel his actions makes you feel unimportant then you are correct. This is not a man who acts married IMO. He acts like a college kid who wants to stay out and party and come home whenever he pleases. Time to put your foot down and in still some boundaries. He is walking all over you because you let him. Its ok to have boundaries in a relationship, you're supposed too. Its also ok to tell him NO once in awhile.


@trey69 your advice makes sense and is very helpful. Sorry for the delay in response I am new to this I've never signed up for a site like this. I need to work on putting my foot down and sticking lot my guns. I tell him what If is was me staying out all hours and he replies with "I'd hate it" well then don't do it right? Thank you for the advice it's well appreciated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HarleyRose

Prodigal said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> And I'd like to add a P.S. to what trey has said. Does your husband have a tendency to "party" a bit too much too often; in other words, does he drink a lot more than the average guy? Does he come home trashed, or is he sober when he makes his early a.m. appearance?


@prodigal no he doesn't get wasted or anything like that and he doesn't party or get crazy. It's just him saying he will be home early then show up 4am. I don't know what to do. Or how to come up with consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

Its not about curfew. Its about being held aco****able in your marriage. Marriage should be the most important relationship you have next to parent/child. Does he have a drinking problem?


----------



## HarleyRose

He does not have a drinking problem. When we go out together he has a drink or two but thats it.


----------



## trey69

HarleyRose said:


> He does not have a drinking problem. When we go out together he has a drink or two but thats it.


Then perhaps there is something else thats keeping him out like this!


----------



## A Bit Much

> he comes strolling in from 2am-4am. One time he even came home 7:30am


I've said it before... nothing open that late except some legs.

I'll add, no consequences, the bad behavior continues. Just like a child needs discipline, it sounds like your husband needs it too.

I'm less mature about things like this. After the 3rd time of me going off about it, the next time he went out I wouldn't be home when he got there. I would go get a room somewhere and not come back until mid-afternoon or so the next day. See what he says then.


----------



## trey69

Time to tell him this is unacceptable behavior. Are you ready to dish out a ultimatium? If so make sure you follow through with what you say. 

If he crosses the line again after he knows how you feel, then you can either set his bags on the porch for him. Or you can pack yours and leave. Do you have a place to go if you choose to do that? Sometimes it takes something drastic to happen before someone will open their eyes and see the light, and even that is not a guarantee.

I think he is one of these people that all the talking in the world isn't going to do it, but maybe some action will.


----------



## HarleyRose

@Trey69 i agree with you 100%, and I am ready to dish out an ultimatium. His behavior is not acceptable at all and I am tired of being tired. I think this will work. Actions speak louder than words and it is time i took action. I want to thank you very much for your wise advice, the best I've heard.:smthumbup:


----------



## trey69

HarleyRose said:


> @Trey69 i agree with you 100%, and I am ready to dish out an ultimatium. His behavior is not acceptable at all and I am tired of being tired. I think this will work. Actions speak louder than words and it is time i took action. I want to thank you very much for your wise advice, the best I've heard.:smthumbup:


Thanks! I think there are many people here who offer great advice too.

Please let us know how things are going. I'm curious to see what his reaction is once you put boundaries in place or if you give him a ultimatum.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

someone needs to tell the man to stop reliving the glory days or frat boy days,grow up,and start acting like a real man and husband.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.I hope he responds positively to your discussion with him.


----------



## HarleyRose

I want to thank Every body for their great advice. I use to be skeptical about posting my issues online but i am glad i finally did. You guys are great. And i will keep you posted on how the discussion goes with my husband and i.

OH and another thing i forgot to mention, i dont know if it matters but there is a age difference between us. My husband is 46 and i am 27. Thats another reason why i cant figure out why he is trying to be a frat boy.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

HarleyRose said:


> OH and another thing i forgot to mention, i dont know if it matters but there is a age difference between us. My husband is 46 and i am 27. Thats another reason why i cant figure out why he is trying to be a frat boy.


that just explained SO much to me.My exH is 15 yrs older than me and acted very similar.

Something about his need to hang onto his youth and prove he's not some old,dried up dude.

Doesn't make it right though.He needs to cut the strings on his youth and party days.You married him bc of love,not bc you wanted some party animal pitched straight from 1985.


----------



## HarleyRose

Exactly! oh gosh, that is exactly what I had said to myself. I think he is having trouble dealing and accepting the fact that he isnt so young anymore. Age means nothing to me. I love him for who he is not for what he has or how old he is. Ive explained to him before that if i wanted a party man for a husband I would have married a college frat boy. Im a good girl, not perfect cause nobody is perfect, i have my flaws too. But i do not do the party scene. Once in a while is ok to grab some drinks and socialize but not to party like a crazy kid.


----------



## Bottled Up

Some friends of mine were in the exact same situation as you and your husband... So I can tell you with certainty that if your husband doesn't change this pattern then it's eventually going to lead to a divorce. 

I guarantee it.


----------



## HarleyRose

Yes, Well I do hope he will change his ways.


----------



## ladybird

Why is he coming home at 2-4 am or later??


----------



## galian84

Hey I can definitely sympathize with you! My boyfriend is 15 years older than me as well. He doesn't go out much with his friends without me, however, he's pretty set on going on a "party vacation" with a good friend who is single (who, btw, due to money issues, is less than enthusiastic about going on this trip than my boyfriend is). And before he met me, most of his outings with friends, even at 40+ years old, consisted of going to clubs.

I just wonder, though, if they haven't changed by this age, will they ever?

And was your husband like this before you were married? Or did this behavior start after marriage?


----------



## HarleyRose

UPDATE:: I would like to update everybody on my situation. Its been a rough few weeks, however i have finally got through to my husband about his "frat boy" ways. He has realized that he shouldn't be acting the way he has been and that no married man should be out so late when they have someone to come home to. I really want to thank everyone for their advice and for being there for me.


----------



## lexisummer

I am so glad you were able to resolve these issues. 
I am going through the same thing that you went through right now. I have been married for 3 years now and my husband picks certain weekends with his friends and shows up home past 2:30am. I am getting tired of it. He always tells me he will be home early before 12:00am but that never happens. I have tried everything from yelling, getting angry and threatening divorce. He is causing me a lot of tears and heartache and I am so tired of it. I am very unhappy in this marriage and I am really planning to get a divorce. He does drink all night and comes home with a buzz. Not sure what to do and I am not sure if its even worth saving the marriage anymore. Thank God we dont have any kids or else this would be harder. I am wondering should I leave now before its too late?


----------



## romancee

My husband also likes to hang out with his friends late at night. He hardly wants to do anything with me. This would drive me crazy! I would call his phone at 2am wondering where he was! Now I have stopped calling and I head to bed and pull my covers like nobody's business. I realized that the only person getting themselves worked up and stressed over this was me. He is not gonna change. The person to change here, is me.


----------



## IeshaWallace25

HarleyRose said:


> My husband likes to go out once in a while with some friends, which i have absolutely no problem with. However EVERY TIME he does go out he says "Babe i wont be home late ill be home early" then he comes strolling in from 2am-4am. One time he even came home 7:30am and i was livid! Its not that i do not trust him because i do, its the fact that he makes promises to me and breaks them constantly. "baby i promise ill be home early" I feel as if maybe im not that important to him to keep a promise. Another thing is, he is easily influenced. Example: i was sick and we had a babys birthday to go to, so he went to bring a gift and said he PROMISES to be home early to be there for me. Some friends that were there (another married couple whos marriage is about nothing but partying and getting wasted) asked him to go to a club after the BABYS birthday when he said he dont know he had to discuss it with his wife (me).I explained to him that i usually dont mind he goes out but he promised me this time he would come home early and be there for me. He decides to go anyway. Next thing i know hes strolling in at 7:30am. And he gets mad at me for being mad at him saying im crazy and it was no big deal. So i feel like he is constantly putting other before me. they want him to go out and stay out late he does it. they want him to drink he does it.So what i want to know is AM i crazy? Am i wrong for feeling the way i do?
> 
> I dont know, i know a grown man/woman doesnt need a curfew, but if your a married couple there has to be some boundries. i just think a married man./woman has no business being out all hours of the morning when he/she has a wife/husband at home, alone waiting for them. Advice please?


Amen me too. My Husband does it too, but to the point where he thinks he can stay out but if i try to do it he gets mad.


----------

