# Letting go



## cnw1005 (Mar 29, 2020)

Why does letting go have to be so hard? He has proven time and time again that this marriage isn't a priority. I finally get to the point where i'm ready to let go and leave and I just think, one more try, maybe he will do it this time, or I start remembering all the good times from when we first got together, I just need to let go and be done but it hurts so much. It hurts that im the only one hurting, I feel like a fool when I have to beg for any and everything, for him to talk to me, for him to care, for help around the house with the kids, begging makes me feel like im 2 inches tall, but I continue to do it. I feel so empty and lonely, tired and fed up. 

any advice on how to let go would be great.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

TIME. Time alone is the big equalizer on emotions. Eventually you don't even think of the person at all. In the meantime, if you haven't done it, you'd better start right away on getting your ducks in a row. Prepare yourself, talk to a lawyer to check where legally and economically you stand up, along with support/division of custody rights for the children.
If you are not working start looking for something (even if part-time) that can help you dip your feet into the labor pool, because in all reality, once divorce you will have to to work, unless you're loaded or setup for life.

One of the best way to let go of someone is to not longer have contact with that person at all (other than kids related issues); which can be done through a divorce parents app. Probably, presenting him divorce papers might shake him up and realize that he's losing you (but don't hold your breath on that). Good luck.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Also if your avatar is a picture of yourself, I would advise you to remove it to maintain your anonymity.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

You have to be willing to lose the marriage for the chance to save it. Start making plans for divorce. Just going through the exercise may provide some relief.


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## aparna30 (Jun 2, 2021)

Expressive Therapy For Depression


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small.

If you add distance the fears that once controlled you can't get to you at all.

You’ll be surprised at what you can do, to test the limits and break through!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Let me start with this -









Using a selfie as your Avitar (probably not a good idea).


It's always wise to avoid using things that identify you on the forum, particularly real names and self portraits. The reason is twofold - It allows you to speak more freely and therefor enabling you to tell your story without worrying that someone, like your family, friends or partner will...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com





My friend nothing you feel is unusual, and if you think about it you really wouldn't want it to be. If he was a different kind of person this would be the glue that holds you together. That's just it, all of this says good things about you, it says you're a good choice, you just have to find the right one. It's really hard, it takes some time, but it will get better. Mourn for a while but also allow yourself to have the courage to dream of a positive future again. Your dreams of a good marriage didn't end, just your dreams of having it with him. It's much better when you don't have to work so hard anyway, you'll see.

One caveat to that is this, I don't know what your history is, but in another post you say your first kid is from someone else, and now this guy who really treated you poorly, again from your own words. I don't say this judgmentally but just as some encouragement, maybe you should look at your picker a little bit before you try again. From as you say it, you put up with a whole hell of a lot. Maybe you shouldn't have, maybe there is an unhealthy reason for that. Maybe something in your past, maybe your perception of yourself. Please don't take that as a criticism of you just trying to give you advice to set you up the best way possible going forward.


Hang in there.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rob_1 said:


> Also if your avatar is a picture of yourself, I would advise you to remove it to maintain your anonymity.


There has been a pretty steady stream of them lately.


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## cnw1005 (Mar 29, 2020)

sokillme said:


> Let me start with this -
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Changed my pic, I should have known better. 
And about picking the people im with, you are definitely right. The difference I notice now, that i've never felt before was the feeling of just wanting to be alone. Ive never had that before. I want out of this mess and just work for myself and the kids.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I think it's a fake it before you make it type of thing. I wasn't "ready" to leave emotionally but logically, I knew it was over. So I saw a lawyer, got my ducks in order and started rebuilding for myself and my son. It's hard. But most things that are worthwhile are. I did the things I knew I should do even though I didn't feel like it. And eventually, you start to feel good. It took actually moving to a different place to start to feel peace again. And it takes even longer to stop caring. But that shows that you are a loving human being. You just need to love yourself with the decisions you make, if that makes sense.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

cnw1005 said:


> Changed my pic, I should have known better.
> And about picking the people im with, you are definitely right. The difference I notice now, that i've never felt before was the feeling of just wanting to be alone. Ive never had that before. I want out of this mess and just work for myself and the kids.


That's actually a good thing. The more comfortable you get being by yourself the better position you will be in when you meet someone else, you won't be making a choice out of need but of want. This gives you the ability to back out without the fear of being alone again.


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## Wtswnts (Jun 2, 2021)

If u can work along with looking for ur kids that can help a lot bcaz it will make u feel people around you know you and respect you for your work. U will find self esteem, importance, respect. Then may be divorce or not will not matter to u if u decide to stay with ur husband for ur kids which generally we people do.


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