# Visiting erotic massage parlor in past



## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

So I am in a relationship for 7 months now. My bf tells me the other night (in a way of sharing a funny story) that one night years ago when he was like 19 (he is 37 now) he had a big party at his house and afterwards, him and a bunch of his buds went to an Asian "massage" parlor and got handjobs. He was laughing and telling me like it was funny! I did not find it very humorous! I understand he went with friends and they were drunk and they were young but still... I have been very paranoid thinking that what if he still goes to places like this? What if he would ever go to one again in the future while with me? He told me he would never do that again and it was something stupid because he was young and with friends. But he does love to look at porn and once I caught him emailing girls on craigslist casual encounters asking them for pictures. He said he would never meet up with them, it was just for pics and that he would never do it again. Am I overreacting? I just don't know what to think. He says he is very happy with our sex life but he does like porn, but he would never ever cheat. I think I trust it but it all still bothers me. Thoughts?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

so nice to support the sex slave industry and laugh about it


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I used to go to Mexico and dance in the clubs on the catwalks in short skirts when I was 20. It was close to my college across the border in the USA.

I'm 38 now. Those days are far behind me.

He was 19. I dunno. I'd be more concerned that he still thought it was funny...cause it's not really. It's just something he did.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I'd be more concerned of his emailed for pictures of real girls.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Good lord, after what your husband did to you, I shouldn't think WE would need to tell you what to do here. Come on - you're worth far more than the value this guy places on you if he's already lying to you about looking for hook ups on Craigslist.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

having visited a brothel (which is what those places are) in the past while single and young- not great but can be acceptable considering his age at the time

fondly looking back at it and not seeing it as a mistake- no good, probably should reassess the relationship

currently trolling for pics (if that's all he does) on CL- Dumpsville- population him


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

"Dumpsville- population him" sorry, what does this mean?


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I would be able to get over what he did at 19 when out drunk with his buddies. I would be much more concerned about his behaviour TODAY. Emailing women on CL is a sign he is cheating or thinking about it. Won‘t actually meet up with one of them? That‘s what they all say.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

PAgirl said:


> "Dumpsville- population him" sorry, what does this mean?


It means you should DUMP HIM.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

PAgirl said:


> "Dumpsville- population him" sorry, what does this mean?


dump him
stop seeing him
get him out of your life


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and I want to say this in the nicest way...


maybe being attracted to yet another man who has very poor ideas of being faithful is like was a fluke

but I do suggest that you take a break from seeing anyone/dating and perhaps get a few therapy sessions as to why you are drawn to such people. I suspect you may have self esteem issues

I hope I'm wrong in that suspicion but it's worth considering and checking out imo


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

My husband of 8 years never cheated on me. If you are talking about the brief long distance fling I had with someone for a couple months...please!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

so what he got a hand job at a massage parlor many years ago.

emailing girls on craigs list.........hmmm, I agree with the others that this might be the straw that broke the cammels back.
at least it would be for me.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

PAgirl said:


> My husband of 8 years never cheated on me. If you are talking about the brief long distance fling I had with someone for a couple months...please!


Your husband physically abused you and at one point didn't you suspect him of something with respect to your daughter? And the way he acted when you filed was totally immature. Similar to this guy.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Damn you hope, you made me look bad by giving false info!!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Damn you hope, you made me look bad by giving false info!!


You don't need me for that do you?? 

Truth be told, her husband technically DID cheat on her though - when she filed for D his response was to rip up the papers, call up an old GF and invite her over to his place for sex. Very mature.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think at some point in life, we should reach a place where this behavior is simply NOT OK with us and there should be no double guessing or asking others what they think.

OP, are you ok with this? It's only been 7 months...you wanna keep going now and then it's 3 years and he's cheated and you're upset?

Dump him. Done and done. This isn't ok and YOU know it.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Some people here, WOW.

Dump him, REALLY?

he is simply sharing a story from his past....prior to your relationship...it shouldn't matter to you AT ALL.

if you don't find it funny, don't like it or want to hear it you simply tell him not to share such stories with you in the future.

Problem solved


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Did you read her whole post?

I couldn't care less about his handjob at 19.

He's emailing chicks on CL for pics...then tells OP he would never meet up with them.

Should she just smile and say "ok" and then when he does meet up with them then what?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

DoF said:


> Some people here, WOW.
> 
> Dump him, REALLY?
> 
> ...


No one's saying to dump him over his immature attitude toward what he did. It's the fact he's looking for craigslist hookups and lying about it to her.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

that_girl said:


> Did you read her whole post?
> 
> I couldn't care less about his handjob at 19.
> 
> ...


I didn't not read the entire thread, but yeah, that is completely inappropriate and disrespectful.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> You don't need me for that do you??
> 
> Truth be told, her husband technically DID cheat on her though - when she filed for D his response was to rip up the papers, call up an old GF and invite her over to his place for sex. Very mature.


I really asked for advice on my current issue. I did not ask anyone to go look up my past posts. Can we stick to the subject please? Thanks.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

But it is all somewhat related.

Seeing that this guy is only 7 months in and looking for pics from chicks on CL, it can't really get any better than that.

Why do you want to keep him?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

PAgirl said:


> I really asked for advice on my current issue. I did not ask anyone to go look up my past posts. Can we stick to the subject please? Thanks.


Seriously?? You don't think the way your exh treated you has any bearing on future relationships??


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> Seriously?? You don't think the way your exh treated you has any bearing on future relationships??


I didn't say that! That has nothing to do with it! Yes he likes porn and he emailed girls on craigslist for pictures because they are more real looking pics than on a porn site. I am asking if I am overreacting about this. I don't know.. .maybe some wives don't care if their husbands look at porn. Why cant I get some honest advice and not be judged on MY past?


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

And furthermore, I was completely wrong about thinking my ex husband had did anything suspicious with daughter. She went to counseling and we discussed it and her playing with barbies ...they were hugging because she never saw her own parents hug anymore and it was very upsetting to her that her parents never were loving or affectionate with each other.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No you are not overreacting. Trust yourself.

Asking real women for pics is a deal breaker for me. "More real" than porn? What?

Either he has you snowed or you want to be snowed.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Looking for hookups on craigslist is not the same as looking at porn at ALL.

Your ex husband was immature and so is this guy, that was my point. 

Forget about the erotic massage - the fact he thinks it's funny is bad, but not a dealbreaker. The fact he's trolling on craigslist is the problem here.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I seem to have lost the connection from my brain to my fingers because I am not doing a very good job of articulating myself in this thread at all.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

So I should dump him? But what if I am wrong? What if he is not a cheater? Should I still throw away a guy that I love and my kids have bonded with? That is why this is not that easy of a decision. You people make it sound so easy... but when we have built something for 7 months ... its why I come here for some real advice.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I was a single mom for a couple years after I left my first husband, and when I met the guy who is now my husband, I hadn't even slept with him by the 7 month mark, let alone introduced him to my kids!!

Are you living together?


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

No we are not living together.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea I don't know why you're letting your kids bond with men you don't know are keepers. It's not fair to them. No one knows someone within a few months in a way that their children should be allowed to bond with them.

It is easy, you just don't want to hear it.

He is showing signs of a potential cheater. Talking to other women for pictures of their vaginas. What? Either it's a deal breaker or not. For me, it would be. For you, maybe you actually have to build a life and have him cheat so there's more "truth" and way more heartache.

I am just at a point in life where I don't want the bullshet of all of this. But if you do, then own it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You DO know that he's looked for hook ups on craigslist, and this has been since you've been with him, correct?


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> So I should dump him? But what if I am wrong? What if he is not a cheater? Should I still throw away a guy that I love and my kids have bonded with? That is why this is not that easy of a decision. You people make it sound so easy... but when we have built something for 7 months ... its why I come here for some real advice.


Life is as easy or as hard as what we choose to make it. I have made some choices that make my life less than easy.

What ifs are funny things. They involve not facts but speculation. What if your bf is not a cheater, but then again what if he is. What if you are wrong, but what if you are right?

The craigslist thing is what I find most worrying in e thread starter. That, as others have mentioned, is what I would find most disconcerting. I find it hard to believe that he would not eventually hook up with one of the women from craigslist if he had the opportunity.

You love him and your kids have bonded with him, ok. That could happen again with somebody else too could it not? 

You guys have known each other 7 months. Was he married? Does he have kids? What is his story?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

The fact that he had an erotic massage at the age of 19 wouldn't bother me as much as the fact that 18 year later he's still laughing about it and finding it funny...

What would bother me a lot, though, is the fact that he's been messaging other women on Craigslist for casual encounters and photos... That would be an outright deal breaker for me.

Why are you still with him?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

DoF said:


> *I didn't not read the entire thread*, but yeah, that is completely inappropriate and disrespectful.


Ummm... it was in her opening post. There was no "reading the entire thread", just read the entire first post. :scratchhead:

Now, to PAgirl, he's trolling Craigslist for hookups. How is that not cheating? Ftr, I am one who doesn't like porn and it has no place in my marriage, but even I see the difference between porn and what your boyfriend is doing. What your boyfriend is doing, wrt Craigslist, is cheating. IMO, as a "porn hater", porn use is not cheating. So, I agree with those saying to dump him. I would. Not because of porn use, but because of the Craigslist hookups.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And I just wish people would wait to introduce their children to people they barely know. So much can happen.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

You are saying that he hooked up. Can I just clarify that I saw these emails personally and he did not hook up with anyone or even plan to. He asked these girls to send him pictures which they did. And there was no more emails after that. He insists it was just for porn. He asked me before to send him pics of myself and I refused. Not that that makes it right, because it doesn't. I am just trying to make it clear that it was just for pictures.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

OP-

Your post title is simply diversion...that was past...it only became relevant to the present when you found he was soliciting naked pics from women from craigslist. The present is the situation you need to decide on.

All of us can tell you whether or not his actions would be considered a dealbreaker or not, based on how we feel.

But the decision is yours...

Are you okay with the fact that he has done this during your the timeline of your relationship? He says he won't do this anymore? Yet he's already done something disrespectful to your coupleship. Has he taken any actions to assure you his words are trustworthy?

You're concerned about a bond that has formed, not only between you two, but also with your children...I would think NOW is the time to choose what your boundaries are on this issue. It won't get easier if this occurs again.

[To give you my opinion, if I were in your shoes, I would have to step away from the relationship.]


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> You are saying that he hooked up. Can I just clarify that I saw these emails personally and he did not hook up with anyone or even plan to. He asked these girls to send him pictures which they did. And there was no more emails after that. He insists it was just for porn. He asked me before to send him pics of myself and I refused. Not that that makes it right, because it doesn't. I am just trying to make it clear that it was just for pictures.


Well if it is worth the risk to you, then, just keep on trucking. It would not be to me.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I just holding this refer you found on me for a friend.

why would you ask for pic on craigs list when there is free porn all over the internet?

I smell a rat.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

You dont have to do anything right now. The craiglist thing is surly a red flag and warrants being investigated. Keep an eye on his internet history and such and just see what he's up to. I like porn myself. But the comment about them being "real girls" is the thing, better keep an eye on him. I agree with some of the others here, sounds like he's trolling for something on the side.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why are you defending him? Lol. Ok, so he didn't hook up. Yet.

Soliciting pics from real women is just well beyond my boundaries. Sorry. If you're ok with it, then be ok with it.

Does he even know if these women are legal? Holy crap. 

But again, if this is ok with you, then there's nothing more to say.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I just holding this refer you found on me for a friend.
> 
> why would you ask for pic on craigs list when there is free porn all over the internet?
> 
> I smell a rat.


She said he said he wanted it to be more "real" 

Porn these days is very real.

I smell a rat too but she's not ready to see it.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

cons said:


> OP-
> 
> Your post title is simply diversion...that was past...it only became relevant to the present when you found he was soliciting naked pics from women from craigslist. The present is the situation you need to decide on.
> 
> ...


Yes I found out about the emails last weekend. then the story about him going to massage parlor when he was younger was Wednesday night. If it was JUST the massage parlor story, I would most likely not be too concerned. But its in addition to the emails I found last weekend and Ive already been freaking out over that.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

PAgirl said:


> You are saying that he hooked up. Can I just clarify that I saw these emails personally and he did not hook up with anyone or even plan to. He asked these girls to send him pictures which they did. And there was no more emails after that. He insists it was just for porn. He asked me before to send him pics of myself and I refused. Not that that makes it right, because it doesn't. I am just trying to make it clear that it was just for pictures.


Oh, well, if it was just for pictures, have at it then. 

If my husband was emailing women for nude/semi-nude photos, that would equate to hookup for me. It is NOT the same as watching porn. And, if he really wanted "more real", all he has to do is Google for images. There are plenty of naked and scantily clad pictures available out there.

PAgirl, you asked our opinions. These are our opinions. You are free to do as you like, of course... including turning a blind eye to his current behavior.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

I will probably have to leave him. Its not easy. But it is annoying that some of you on here make it out to be its a no-brainer! sometimes you need to hear it from other people especially if they have had similar experiences. Yes it is crossing the line that he emailed craiglist girls for pics. I still am not sure he would ever physically cheat but its still pretty shady what he did. When you have invested a little time and given someone your heart and let them into your life, its not easy to let go. At least it isn't easy for everyone.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

My email to him: You disrespected our relationship by crossing the line and emailing girls for pictures and then being sneaky and deleting them. You have proven to me that you are not committed to this relationship and you are not trustworthy. This is definitely over Steve. I am moving on.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Totally understandable.

But 7 months and giving someone your heart? I'm just super cynical I guess. lol Don't mind me.

Dating is to discover about a person. What you want and don't want. It doesn't make you a bad person just because you are realizing you don't want this.

I don't know how old your children are, but I wouldn't want someone who's trolling CL for pics of women's vaginas around my children. Isn't going to happen.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

PAgirl said:


> My email to him: You disrespected our relationship by crossing the line and emailing girls for pictures and then being sneaky and deleting them. You have proven to me that you are not committed to this relationship and you are not trustworthy. This is definitely over Steve. I am moving on.


Well, good. Hopefully that's what happens.

To me, the first 2-3 years should be blissful. The honeymoon period where couples get to know each other and are about each other and just fall deeper and deeper in love.

He's trolling CL within 7 months and probably since the beginning. Gross.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

PAgirl (I'm one of those, too!), I don't recall your old posts.

I can from this one, though, that you have had a very rough time of it in the past. Someone(s) have harmed your ability to create boundaries. This, in turn, has left you vulnerable to many negative people, situations, etc. You are clearly describing one of them in your post. You can't see it, but I and the other posters can see it clearly.

Not too many people learn much about boundaries- I certainly was never taught them. I learned about them via my experience with a loved one in addiction.

Your boundaries are your definition of what is and is not OK, what you will and will not have your in your life. They are your protection and support and stability.

You asked "what if he's not cheating", you would be risking losing a relationship over nothing. It's a good question to ask. His actions are bothering you so you came to the forum to discuss it; I think that is a good move!

While you read the posts to you, please sit down and think about what you do and do not want in your love relationships. Write them down, if it's helpful. Ultimately, its up to you on what you will and will not allow.

There is one more trick to it: once you have your list of what you will and will not accept, what you do and do not want in a relationship, you have to believe that YOU are worth getting what you want. Boundaries, when protected, actually build self-esteem.

So- if I were in your shoes, my eyebrows would go up about him regarding his story of teen fun. That alone would not be a deal-breaker per se, but I'd have my antenna up. I'd be watching to see if that was truly a youthful dalliance or whether he is a person who has no issues with using prostitutes (e.g. paying for sex.)

Finding out that he has ALSO has recently, while in a relationship with you, reached out to women on Craigslist for pics- this would be deal-breaker for me (and, no offense, but also for most women with fairly strong boundaries.) 

You now have past evidence of him paying for sex, and you have CURRENT evidence that he is willing to interact with live (possibly local) on a Casual Encounters Craigslist board. This is a guy who has no issues reaching out to strangers for sexual activity, even when he has an intimate relationship going on with a girlfriend.

Personally, I do not want to be worried about my guy chasing down prostitutes, talking on Causal Encounter boards, or any of that nonsense. I would not have this kind of person anywhere near my inner circle of those closest to me, and who I rely on for help and aid, love and support. His kind of noise is too risky for me. 

I would not worry about whether I am giving him a fair chance. It's not important. It doesn't matter what he tells me. I can see, plainly from his words and his ACTIONS, that I don't want that kind of drama in my life in a primary relationship. 

Asking, "Am I throwing away a relationship for no reason if he's not a cheater" is good; asking "Is this the kind of man I want as my partner? Is this the kind of man I want around my children? Is this someone I can trust with my money, with my well-being?" These are better. These put YOU first, and ask if the relationship meets your criteria.

Be less concerned about the relationship and more concerned with YOU. Determine and maintain your boundaries, what you will and will not accept in your life.

You're correct that some women wouldn't consider what he was doing as 'cheating'. Some women would be fine with it. Just because it would be mine or any other poster's deal-breaker doesn't have to be your deal-breaker.

Still, I hope that ultimately this is a deal-breaker for you. I think you deserve more that this. I think your children- especially if you have daughters- deserve a better role model. And I say this as a perfect stranger on some internet forum- it just looks that clear to me.

Best of luck!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I hope you stick to your guns - good for you. 

Now, going forward - what have you learned?


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> Yes I found out about the emails last weekend. then the story about him going to massage parlor when he was younger was Wednesday night. If it was JUST the massage parlor story, I would most likely not be too concerned. But its in addition to the emails I found last weekend and Ive already been freaking out over that.





PAgirl said:


> My email to him: You disrespected our relationship by crossing the line and emailing girls for pictures and then being sneaky and deleting them. You have proven to me that you are not committed to this relationship and you are not trustworthy. This is definitely over Steve. I am moving on.


YES!!!

See, while I was doing my usual long post, you put all this up. Way to go! :smthumbup:


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

RUN LIKE THE WIND! You should be concerned about his Craigslist behavior & his attitude in general. Not a keeper.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Thanks. Its hard though. Im not happy right now :-( I hope I can stick to this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You can, if you review things objectively when you're feeling weak.

I asked what you've learned because that's going to be the most important thing you take away from this.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

What I have learned? Maybe its too early to answer that yet. I don't know. You probably want me to say to take things slower next time. But that is sometimes easier said than done. He did not meet my kids for a few months. I probably should've waited on that too but what do you do when his family invites us on camping trips and I thought it would be fun for my kids to go (and it was fun for them). We both got involved with each others families. and btw, he really has an awesome family. Now he tells me after my email that he is ashamed and it was wrong of him and he would never do it again. So I am not gonna just say okay but still weigh things out day by day right now.


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## naminagupta (Jun 20, 2014)

Clearly you and he have different morals.....

If it gives you peace of mind, then go and get him tested for all known STDs. if not, then you may have to accept his sexual and life morality is different to your own.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

When a guy is asking girls for more pics on CL it is a HUGE red flag. You did the right thing by breaking up with him. You probably can't see it now, but trust me...you did. 

A guy can google anything on the Internet - up to and including pics of real girls naked. He did not need to email anyone to see "more real porn pics". People are on craigslist to look for a hook up not look at porn. 

You really saved yourself some trouble in the long run.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> What I have learned? Maybe its too early to answer that yet. I don't know. You probably want me to say to take things slower next time. But that is sometimes easier said than done. He did not meet my kids for a few months. I probably should've waited on that too but what do you do when his family invites us on camping trips and I thought it would be fun for my kids to go (and it was fun for them). We both got involved with each others families. and btw, he really has an awesome family. Now he tells me after my email that he is ashamed and it was wrong of him and he would never do it again. So I am not gonna just say okay but still weigh things out day by day right now.


I feel for you. I actually had something similar happen with one of my ex's about 6 months in. I didn't have kids, but I had met his family and thought they were awesome. I thought he was the Real Deal- great family, great job, nice guy, sense of humor, he was hitting all the keys. But then, I went to use the bathroom one day and there was a print out on the floor of a sex chat he had with a woman. He was trying to convince her to bring in her (grown) daughter. EWWWWWW.

He too, was completely ashamed.

But that was enough for me. It was great that he was ashamed, that was an appropriate response. But I had no intention of putting my eggs in a basket with a guy who was sex chatting while in a relationship with me, end of story. At that point it just didn't matter what he said, or how much he apologized, or what he planned to do to take care of himself so that this never happened again. I had already seen all I needed to know. 

I will not be in a relationship where I have to worry about the guy's fidelity. I would not be in a relationship where the guy is reaching out for other sexual relationships. No thank you. If you can stay strong and get some space/time with no contact, I think you will come to the same conclusion about your recent ex. 

My hope for you is that your next relationship is with a guy who is willing and able to be all-in with you. In my experience, it takes about a year or so, with open eyes and some minor testing, to know. So don't beat yourself up for not knowing immediately- you found out right about the time that most cracks to show. Hang in there!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's ashamed because it's embarrassing and he got caught. Where was his shame when he was emailing these ladies for pictures of their vaginas and breasts? No shame there at that point.

He's probably not that sorry...he'll keep doing it. He'll just be better at hiding it.

I have learned that it takes a good 18 months to really start to know someone...give or take a couple months...but it's never usually within the first 6.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Thanks for sharing Rose. At this point, he doesn't believe I am truly done with him. He said "whatever". we will see how the weekend plays out.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. That's his response to you being upset and done? Just "whatever"? That's your answer then. I mean, if it was true love and all that, he'd be saying more than "whatever".


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## naminagupta (Jun 20, 2014)

PAgirl said:


> So I am in a relationship for 7 months now. My bf tells me the other night (in a way of sharing a funny story) that one night years ago when he was like 19 (he is 37 now) he had a big party at his house and afterwards, him and a bunch of his buds went to an Asian "massage" parlor and got handjobs. He was laughing and telling me like it was funny! I did not find it very humorous! I understand he went with friends and they were drunk and they were young but still... I have been very paranoid thinking that what if he still goes to places like this? What if he would ever go to one again in the future while with me? He told me he would never do that again and it was something stupid because he was young and with friends. But he does love to look at porn and once I caught him emailing girls on craigslist casual encounters asking them for pictures. He said he would never meet up with them, it was just for pics and that he would never do it again. Am I overreacting? I just don't know what to think. He says he is very happy with our sex life but he does like porn, but he would never ever cheat. I think I trust it but it all still bothers me. Thoughts?


I think he simply values sex differently from you. 

Your values are no better than his, or vice versa.....

I'd say you need to consider if this is something you're willing to accept or get over. That said, prostitution isn't as condemned in society as it was a few decades ago....neither is sex dating/casual sex. Whilst you have a right to be angry, what if the next man you date is like this? 

You may need to determine sexual compatibility. Even if he won't go to massage parlours again, he may have no problem with liberal sexuality in general. I just reckon in this situation you must meet him halfway and attempt a win-win. No party is the right or the wrong here...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:wtf:

A win win? lol


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## naminagupta (Jun 20, 2014)

that_girl said:


> :wtf:
> 
> A win win? lol


yes. it's just my view, don't get irate.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Sorry, but casual dating is one thing. Relationship is another. I can (sort of) understand the Craigslist thing of it was casual dating. If an exclusive relationship, not open, then the Craigslist trolling would be a deal breaker. There is no "win-win" and "nobody is wrong". In an exclusive relationship, you don't troll for strange, even if it is "just pictures". Once you have the email address, you could contact again, for more pics... or worse. Not worth it, IMO, if you are expecting exclusivity.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

PAgirl: This guy will now try to be much more careful about leaving any trail behind when he does his Craiglist things. He will know that it turns into a deal breaker for you and he will tame it down, or put it on pause while he tries to win you back.

Don't go back. If you do, things will appear to be fine because he is hiding it and suppressing his desires. But in time it will come back and when it does you will be even deeper into the relationship and it is going to hurt. You are going to beat yourself up for not paying attention to the warning signs and allowing yourself to get too far involved.

:scratchhead: Just why would he need "real" pictures of women he does not know when he can look at you? Hay, you are real? :lol: what a story.


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