# Trying to make her happy but the love is gone.



## BMayfield (Jun 17, 2014)

Hello,
This is the first time I have ever been in a forum. A few close friends suggested this to get a mutal opinon outside the relationship. I have been married for 7 years. The first couple of years were great but things have taken a turn into a very unhappy relationship. I try to be the best husband I can be. I do luandry, cook, clean, take care of our son and etc.... But no matter how much I do our how much I try to please my spouse. It always backfires on me. Her friends tell her how lucky she is to have me as a husband and I get blamed and yelled for everything. I work around 50-60 hours a week while my wife works 3- eight hour days. I work nights and she works Monday-Wendesday. My son stays at a daycare through the week which I get him ready and take him to in the mornings when I get home from working a 16 hour day. So I try to spend as much time with my family as possible when I am off. I just ask to take a nap here and there because I dont get to sleep much. So I am told I am a lazy father because I want to take a nap. Because she works harder then I do and she is tired also. No matter how much I do or give my wife I never get a thank you or any kind of apprecation. I give her thanks all the time for how much she does. But I am worthless and do not deserve any thanks. Her sister has pointed out to me she is turning into her mother. Which sucks because her father is depressed as hell. My happiness has declined in the last couple of years. I am sorry I am airing my business out to everybody. I just want to see if I am making a valid compliant. Plus our love life has extremely diminshed. I always tell how beautiful she is and compliment her on her hair and everything. but the only time we get intimate is when she feels like it and all the attention is devoted to her and she could care less about my needs. My feelings do not matter at all. But with that being said I have stayed faithful to my wife. I have been cheated on in previous relationships. It sucks but thats life. 
I just dont understand what to do in this situation. I mentioned counseling to her and she said it would be a good idea for me to talk to somebody. Really I am at fault again as always. So I apologize for my venting. I wish I new what to do. My son means the world to me and I dont want to make him go through or experinence a divorce. I just don't think my wife is going to change her ways. So I am sadly falling out of love with her. 
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am at my marital end.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Hi there. Have you tried talking to your wife to let her know how unhappy you are. Instead of trying to change her ways maybe you can change the way of your relationship. Try reading His Needs Her Needs with her. Would she be willing to dedicate a half an hour or an hour to reading with you every night. Maybe a chapter a night. Sometimes people don't realize how much the simple things means. This book isn't a cure all. You both need to want it bad enough. But maybe it could help. Good Luck!!


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## BMayfield (Jun 17, 2014)

If I mention anything about counseling you can count on a argument. In my wifes eyes she does no wrong. I am always at fault because I am a man and not a member of her family. They are a established bunch of people that are never proven wrong. I just wish she would try and meet me in the middle somewhere and quit tearing me down. everything she has asked for I have worked my A$$ of to make happen. She wanted me to make more money. I went to college full time and worked 50 hour weeks for two years to get my associates. I doubled my salary in 2 years. Did I once get a thank you aor good job. No I get told that I didn't spend enough time with her. Well how do you expect me to pay bills, advance my education, and improve my career. Her mother tells me that no matter what I do. I will still be unsuccessful and I am holding her daughter back. Well since her family is so great how come her son and other two daughters left them because there spouses could make them happy. seems like a pattern. If something doesn't change then I am out. I have tried on my end.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

You need to read the book "No more mr nice guy" ASAP !!! 

You are the classic nice guy. It was painful to read how a grown man could cater to a woman like your wife the way you do.

She has ZERO respect for you. ZERO !

Also look up the steps to starting the 180 pronto.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

This is not very complicated.
You wrote everything you personally do wrong in your posting, and know it is wrong.

For example, you said now matter how hard you do, it always backfires on you. THEN STOP IT! (and by the way this is not backfiring. This is you having an expectation that something will work but have no evidence whatsover that it could ever work).

What you have to do is stand up for yourself, and your wife may start having some respect for you. Don't do more than your fair share and stop taking blame for anything.


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

I feel badly for you, friend. So many wives would do anything for such an attentive and caring husband. I wonder if you'd benefit from reading "Love Must be Tough" maybe? It doesn't sound like you can go on much longer without some changes happening. Best of luck to you!

~ Seek the Light ~


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

barbados said:


> You need to read the book "No more mr nice guy" ASAP !!!
> 
> You are the classic nice guy. It was painful to read how a grown man could cater to a woman like your wife the way you do.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

This is your answer.
I wish you well!


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