# Former F-I-L and Facebook



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

My question - should I have been upset about this, or not?

Quick background - I haven't spoken to my former father in law in about 4-5 years now. Back in the day, I would say we were good friends, with a bit of a father/son type relationship, but not too close. Very different personalities, but a healthy respect for one another, and some things in common.

We also have a mutual friend - a father of a long-time female friend of mine. We did not know we knew this guy until about 5 years into my relationship with my ex wife. This guy, and my ex FIL are in their late 60's, and have been friends for probably 40.

My former FIL was an extremely successful executive of a very well known international company, and a member of Mensa. Our mutual friend was a lawyer who worked in intelligence for the gov't. Both are obviously well-respected, highly regarded, and very well educated men.

So, I am facebook friends with this guy. This past week I get a friend request from my ex FIL, which I admit made me smile. Before I accepted, I clicked on his profile, and it's brand new, no pictures, no info, and only one friend - our mutual buddy. I find this strange, because I know that my ex FIL had a facebook account before, because a few years ago, we still shared some mutual facebook friends with each other.

So I do a search for his name (which is rather uncommon) and find only this "new" account. So to make sure it's actually him, and not a case of somebody else setting up an account in his name and befriending people he actually knows (ie. facebook fraud), I send a message to our mutual friend, who is verified.

He gets back to me with this (paraphrased): "Yes, I can confirm it is ____. He and I often talk about you, and he misses the relationship you used to have. I finally convinced him to set up a facebook account, despite his concerns about privacy etc. I hope you accept, and buy the old man a beer, would you?"

I have underlined the part above, because it implies that he has never had a facebook account before. But I know that is not true.

So I log in to facebook using my son's account and search for ex FIL's name, and there he is - twice. Once with a proper account with a profile picture, and the other "new" account. So this means that he has blocked me from searching for his proper account. Not the general public, as he's right there when I've logged in with another account.

So I take a screenshot of his profile, and I log back in to my account and reply to our mutual friend, and include the picture of his other account. I say something like "____, can you explain the other account? I am glad you confirmed that it actually is him, and I appreciate the kind words, but I am trying to make sense of why he would set up a whole new account.  "

He responds with: "I have no idea, ____" Period, full stop.

So I sit on it for a day, trying to figure out why two highly intelligent grown men would try to put one over on me like this.

I understood almost immediately why he wouldn't want to be facebook friends with me using his actual account - my ex wife, I presume, is on facebook as well. However, he is tech savvy, and he must understand that if my ex wife is hidden from me on facebook, then she will still be hidden whether he and I are friends or not. However, I also assume that I would not be hidden from her, so perhaps he preferred to keep it a secret that we're "friends". That's the best I could come up with.

Only problem is, the whole thing is disengenous. I mean, just tell me what you're doing and why, I'll understand.

And the worst thing is that our mutual friend seems to have lied to me. But I'm conflicted, because the point of all of this had good intentions, right?

So should I be upset about this, or should I have just accepted and not thought twice about it?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe the mutual friend really does not know about the other facebook account.

Does the mutual friend have a lot of people and activity on his facebook account or is that one a new account? Maybe it's the mutual friend who wanted things more private?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Maybe mutual friend did have the conversation with exFIL and knew he was sending u a facebook request. When u asked him to verify that he said yes it's him but didn't look at the account you linked to him. Maybe FIL abandoned or Forgot his password to the old account, and just created a new one instead.

You used your sons account to look up FIL. Is this your sons grandfather? But they aren't friends themselves? Not sure the dynamic.

In my opinion, when a couple divorces you are essentially divorcing the inlaws as well. Yes many situations where inlaws remain cordial or perhaps even close, but more often those relationships end too. If FIL needed to create a fake account to spare his daughters feelings or for other more nefarious reasons, then perhaps it's not worth he trouble of connecting on facebook. Go meet him for a beer, if you want to, but ignore the facebook request.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

To answer your question, No don't be upset over it. Not worth the energy... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dazed794 (Aug 31, 2014)

Is it actually your ex wife masquerading as the FIL so she can keep tabs on you? Is the mutual friend close enough to your wife to do her a favor? Or perhaps the ex wife has fooled the mutual friend too so that he is also clueless.

Meh, either way I'd just ignore the invite and not worry about it. But then again I don't even use facebook.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

dazed794 said:


> Is it actually your ex wife masquerading as the FIL so she can keep tabs on you? Is the mutual friend close enough to your wife to do her a favor? Or perhaps the ex wife has fooled the mutual friend too so that he is also clueless.
> 
> Meh, either way I'd just ignore the invite and not worry about it. But then again I don't even use facebook.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, that's mainly why I asked our friend to confirm it was him - to ensure this account was not a fake. He confirmed it was.

And yes, the thought crossed my mind that it could have been my ex wife, but logically that wouldn't have been the case and I knew that. She would have no interest in my life, I am sure of that. I was more concerned it was a fake account by some random person, identity theft and all that.

And no, he barely knows my ex wife. Ex FIL and this guy are oooold work buddies, but afaik they've never been "couple friends". The relationship was primarily after work beers and such. He would know my current wife better than my ex wife. It's one of those "small world" things.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Maybe mutual friend did have the conversation with exFIL and knew he was sending u a facebook request. When u asked him to verify that he said yes it's him but didn't look at the account you linked to him. Maybe FIL abandoned or Forgot his password to the old account, and just created a new one instead.
> 
> *That occurred to me as well, which is why I asked him to explain the other account. His response was that he didn't know, but it's highly unlikely he wasn't already facebook friends with him previously (they've been friends for over 30 years in real life). He also said that he convinced him to set up an account and get over his issues with privacy.*
> 
> ...


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## Anastasia72 (Jun 9, 2013)

Maybe you should set up a new account and send a friend request to him.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> Maybe the mutual friend really does not know about the other facebook account.
> 
> Does the mutual friend have a lot of people and activity on his facebook account or is that one a new account? Maybe it's the mutual friend who wanted things more private?


No, he has had an account for a few years, and we've been friends for about that long. The odds of him not knowing about ex FIL's "other" account are slim to none. They are seriously like best friends (if 60-something year olds have best friends.)

This is what I think happened: Mutual friend and exFIL keep in touch frequently. Mutual friend is on my facebook, knows that I am happy, married, have step kids, all that. He knows I am a good guy. Ex FIL and MF get to talking about me, the suggestion is made to get back in touch (as I don't think ex FIL ever had any hostility towards me, and he DOES know that his daughter/my ex was 100% at fault for our divorce. As in, I was not a bad guy, and MF confirms that I am still not a bad guy). Ex wife (his daughter) is in a different continent, and has been for 5 or 6 years, so having a relationship with his former son-in-law is possible.

However, it is assumed that he is facebook friends with his daughter/my ex, so he does not want to ruffle any feathers or appear as though he is taking a side (even though this is going on 6 years now), so he creates a new account, befriends our mutual friend, and sends me a friend request.

All good, though not a lot of thought is put into it. And here's why:

If my ex wife has a facebook account, it is not visible to me (ie. blocked). I didn't have to do much digging to figure this out. We still have several mutual friends in real life, so it's something I would have seen at some point. Furthermore, facebook will "suggest" friends for you, and among the ones that kept popping up a few years ago were her new husband, and a couple of other people we both would know. Why her new husband came up as a suggestion for me to be friends with, I have no idea. I don't know how facebook's algorithm works for these things. I don't know the guy, never met him, etc. But nonetheless, it seems to REALLY dig into one's information in order to generate these suggestions, which is alternately creepy and amazing.

But it never once suggested her as a friend.

So when I was logged into my step-son's account the other day to search for my ex FIL, I also searched her name, and one account came up, but only the name was visible, everything else was locked down, private. She has a fairly uncommon last name.

So, it is presumed that she has an account that is not visible to me, the same as her father. So his idea of not being mutual facebook friends makes sense, to a point. If her account is blocked from me, then it would remain that way even if her father and I were friends. Perhaps he does not realize this. But more likely, he probably doesn't want his daughter to know that we are friends and that is the whole point of this subterfuge. Logical.

Here's the part that throws me: why not just tell me that? Why implicate our mutual friend in this? Why not just get in touch with me in real life (email, phone)? Why not just use our friend as an intermediary and have him send a message? "Hey, ____ would love to grab a beer and catch up with you".

The thing is, he's smarter than this, and that's what's thrown me for a loop. This seems incredibly unnecessary just to get in touch with me, and it insults me.

As someone said above, it's not worth it, and they're right. While I was pleased that he apparently wanted to get back in touch with me, to keep it all hush-hush is insulting. And it's further insulting that our mutual friend would go along with this.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

intheory said:


> alexm,
> 
> If it gives you a weird feeling; don't do it.


Yeah, I didn't accept the request, after the digging I did and speaking with our mutual friend. Not worth the effort, imo. If he wants to be friends with me, then don't attempt to hide it from other people for the sake of their feelings.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Well the mutual friend is sorry he got involved, no one wants to be stuck in other peoples drama.

As for the other facebook account, so what? Obviously he wants to stay in contact with you but maybe doesn't want you seeing any messages between he and other family members, and there's no reason you should. 

Personally I wouldn't be insulted, he is avoiding possible conflict with his daughter by keeping things on the down low with you. This could all be avoided by picking up the phone and just calling to say hello, by either one of you. But it sounds as if you have worked yourself past that so now that there are hurt feelings I would just write him out of your life.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Why don't you just pick up the phone and call him.

Problem solved.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Cooper said:


> As for the other facebook account, so what? Obviously he wants to stay in contact with you but maybe doesn't want you seeing any messages between he and other family members, and there's no reason you should.


I totally get that, but it's insulting, and I don't think I'm off base in thinking so.

It's the online equivalent of being friends with someone you don't want other people seeing you with. Given the circumstances around this, I can understand why that would be the case, but it's nonetheless an insult.

It's his prerogative, but if he truly wanted to be friends with me, then he shouldn't care what other people think about that, including his daughter. He could have got in touch with me many other ways other than a secondary facebook account that would have effectively kept his and my privacy intact.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

alphaomega said:


> Why don't you just pick up the phone and call him.
> 
> Problem solved.


:iagree:

OP, instead of asking on this forum I would highly suggest you call your ex-FIL. Go straight to the source if you want an answer. I would have never asked the mutual friend about why the ex-FIL has another account, there's no need to put them in the middle. You want answers go to the source. I get the impression that maybe he didn't want to ruffle any potential feathers & really didn't have any bad intentions behind it.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

JustTired said:


> :iagree:
> 
> OP, instead of asking on this forum I would highly suggest you call your ex-FIL. Go straight to the source if you want an answer. I would have never asked the mutual friend about why the ex-FIL has another account, there's no need to put them in the middle. You want answers go to the source. I get the impression that maybe he didn't want to ruffle any potential feathers & really didn't have any bad intentions behind it.


I don't disagree.

But I haven't spoken to the man in 6 years. Furthermore, this other account of his had only one friend - our mutual one. I only asked him to verify if it was my ex FIL and nothing else. His reply was a paragraph telling me that yes, it is him, and also that it was at his (mutual friend's) urging that he join facebook.

Problem was, he had already joined facebook, many years ago. Therefore it is clear that mutual friend was being disingenuous. I was suspicious of that fact, so with 30 seconds of digging, I confirmed that this was some "new" account, apparently solely to befriend me.

Thus, I asked our mutual friend what the deal was, extremely politely, with little hint of accusation as well as sent a short message to my ex FIL (to the new account), to which I never received a reply.

I've left it at that. I don't feel that I got anybody caught in the middle, at least no more than he already was. Remember, he told me that it was at HIS urging that ex FIL get back in touch with me.

I am merely confused and slightly insulted at how this contact was made. It most definitely started with me doubting that it was actually him (hence my asking for confirmation), and the response prompted me to ask (both of them) why there are two accounts, and why didn't hey just friend request me from his main one. I got no response from ex FIL and an in adequate one from mutual friend.

And I have left it at that. No drama, no circus. Just wondering what outsiders think of this, because I can't make heads or tails of it.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> In my opinion, when a couple divorces you are essentially divorcing the inlaws as well. Yes many situations where inlaws remain cordial or perhaps even close, but more often those relationships end too. If FIL needed to create a fake account to spare his daughters feelings or for other more nefarious reasons, then perhaps it's not worth he trouble of connecting on facebook. Go meet him for a beer, if you want to, but ignore the facebook request.


My mom never distanced herself from my former BIL. My sister cheated and left with her AP on him. He's a GREAT guy, just incompatible with the life goals my sister had. They stayed close until my mother died a year ago.

My mom was also very close to my former SIL. I simply don't know of the details of why that marriage imploded. I do know one of the problems added at the end is that my SIL confided in my mom about all of their marriage problems. It pissed off my brother to no end. My mom stayed in touch with her for a while, but my brother just kept distancing himself from my mom. They had a "come to Jesus" type moment and my mom broke off contact with former DIL before my brother would welcome mom back into his life.

So in my anecdotal experience that would be a 50% rate


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Alex... I think you are WAY overthinking this...



alexm said:


> I don't disagree.
> 
> Furthermore, this other account of his had only one friend - our mutual one. I only asked him to verify if it was my ex FIL and nothing else. His reply was a paragraph telling me that yes, it is him, and also that it was at his (mutual friend's) urging that he join facebook. *Perhaps the friend truly didn't realize that it was a "new" account. Even though the new account presumably had a different picture, the friend may have thought FIL changed his profile pic. And if he's like me, he wouldn't have given it a second glance to see how many FB friends were associated with the account.*
> 
> ...


I really think you are making a mountain out of a molehill...


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

being connected on fb is not a requirement of being friends. He could just have sent you an e-mail, nobody would know about it? why to go throught all the hoopla? 

Call the guy, exchange private e-mails if you don't have them yet, but keep it private, off facebook. Why stick it to his family?


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

alexm said:


> I don't disagree.
> 
> But I haven't spoken to the man in 6 years. Furthermore, this other account of his had only one friend - our mutual one. I only asked him to verify if it was my ex FIL and nothing else. His reply was a paragraph telling me that yes, it is him, and also that it was at his (mutual friend's) urging that he join facebook.
> 
> ...


I get it, it just seems weird. Do you have his phone # or email? I say email him & get together for a beer, then bring up how you thought it was weird that he had a new account since you know he was on FB before.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I get what you are saying (and has he "seen" your message? It could be in his "other" folder.....or sometimes they just get lost in FB land) but I do think you are making a kinda big deal over it. 

Maybe he just wants to see where YOU are 6 years later before he adds you to his "main" profile. FB is just a connection tool. He's reaching out for a connection, that should make you feel happy, not suspicious.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> My mom never distanced herself from my former BIL. My sister cheated and left with her AP on him. He's a GREAT guy, just incompatible with the life goals my sister had. They stayed close until my mother died a year ago.
> 
> My mom was also very close to my former SIL. I simply don't know of the details of why that marriage imploded. I do know one of the problems added at the end is that my SIL confided in my mom about all of their marriage problems. It pissed off my brother to no end. My mom stayed in touch with her for a while, but my brother just kept distancing himself from my mom. They had a "come to Jesus" type moment and my mom broke off contact with former DIL before my brother would welcome mom back into his life.
> 
> So in my anecdotal experience that would be a 50% rate


Lol maybe we are related. When my uncle divorce his wife of 20 years, she kept in touch with my widowed grandmother. In fact my AH uncle didn't speak to my grandmother for close to 10 years over a $800 "loan" that my mother made to my uncle that my grandmother repaid. He essentially disowned her for sticking her (elderly) nose in his business. They reconciled two months before she passed, in and out of hospitals. In the meantime my ex-aunt looked in on her almost daily, went shopping for her, prepped meals.

So yeah I guess it happens 

If my wife and i ever split up it would suck for me- I like her family a thousand times more than mine 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

JustTired said:


> I get it, it just seems weird. Do you have his phone # or email? I say email him & get together for a beer, then bring up how you thought it was weird that he had a new account since you know he was on FB before.


Yeah, so this didn't end well. I did take the advice that several had given and reached out to him (email, not phone, thank god).

My email was essentially "Great to hear from you, long time." and "Just curious about the new facebook account, thought you already had one? No worries if it's privacy related, I understand. As you know, Facebook isn't really private! In any case, it was nice of ___ to facilitate this. We should all grab a beer sometime."

Here are snippets of his reply:

"____, I had NO intention of contacting you. It seems that I had a Facebook account that I had forgotten (and never used) and ____ talked me into creating a new account, which I reluctantly did….then invited him as a friend and the next thing I know, you were somehow invited to be my friend without any intent on my part…..

This experience confirmed why I hate Facebook. I have deleted both accounts. And ____'s feedback to you about me wanting to contact you is PURE FICTION, and I am REALLY pissed off with him about that. I have never expressed to him any desire to reconnect with you.

If I ever wish to contact you, I know how to do that and Facebook will never be that instrument……especially now that I do not have any Facebook accounts. Your speculation and subsequent comments about me wanting to reconnect with you are totally unfounded and are most unwelcome.

So, please stop your speculation about what has happened due to my Facebook ineptitude and some very bad advice from ___ to you and me, and your subsequent communications to me."


Ouch! Clears that up, I guess.

So it seems that mutual friend tried to get us back together, as it were, but was a little less than honest to both of us in the process. Not sure why ex FIL is so pissed at me, though... lol Also not sure why MF thought this would be a good idea, but I suppose the gesture was nice. I did miss my ex FIL and thought of him often (and never once spoke to MF about him, which is all the more odd, given that he allegedly tried to get us back together).

Oh well, case closed!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

alexm said:


> Yeah, so this didn't end well...
> 
> So it seems that mutual friend tried to get us back together, as it were, but was a little less than honest to both of us in the process. Not sure why ex FIL is so pissed at me, though...
> 
> Oh well, case closed!


Wow. Ouch is right! I guess you can disregard all of my comments in red -- lol.  Your instincts were correct.

Your message to your ex-FIL was nothing but kind. His response back was unnecessarily nasty and punitive. What a schmuck. All he had to do was say, "Hi, nice to hear from you." And leave it at that. Then he could have deleted his accounts or whatever.

It must be hard to go through life being that bitter...

Oh well, YOU took the high road. Feel good about that!


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Wow. Ouch is right! I guess you can disregard all of my comments in red -- lol.  Your instincts were correct.
> 
> Your message to your ex-FIL was nothing but kind. His response back was unnecessarily nasty and punitive. What a schmuck. All he had to do was say, "Hi, nice to hear from you." And leave it at that. Then he could have deleted his accounts or whatever.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

All of this! Man, what a nasty response though. Sheesh, all he could have said was it was an error. Well, your instincts were correct. But at least now you know where you stand. LOL!


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Yes, ouch. I wasn't expecting that! Oh well. NEXT!


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Yikes. So sorry alexm... ouch indeed.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

No offense Alex but your former FIL is a real jerk, warm and fuzzy he is not....you just reply back and just tell him thank you for clearing that for you and oh BTW when i mention grabbing a beer sometime, what i really meant was that i will drink the beer and then piss on your grave. ;-)


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Yep, I vote for him being a total prick. Uncalled for, he could have just said he wasn't interested.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

alexm said:


> Yeah, so this didn't end well. I did take the advice that several had given and reached out to him (email, not phone, thank god).
> 
> My email was essentially "Great to hear from you, long time." and "Just curious about the new facebook account, thought you already had one? No worries if it's privacy related, I understand. As you know, Facebook isn't really private! In any case, it was nice of ___ to facilitate this. We should all grab a beer sometime."
> 
> ...


Forward this to the mutual friend.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I've been thinking a lot about Facebook lately. It is a great tool to stay in connection to coworker, find old friends, or keep up to date with family. At the same time, I wonder if it is unnatural to feel the need to retain so many "friendships" that really have no real relevant context in your present life? 

Looking up that ex-flame is really digging back into your unresolved adolescence. Going through old friends picture-galleries of all their trips to Disney-Land, having babies, selfies in front of some interesting landmark...I don't know, probably can just make someone envious of someone else's "happiness", although it may not be the case. Sure, Facebook is a useful tool for many reasons, but I wonder if it is also a blockade for someone to be able to move on with their life.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

FormerSelf said:


> I've been thinking a lot about Facebook lately. It is a great tool to stay in connection to coworker, find old friends, or keep up to date with family. At the same time, I wonder if it is unnatural to feel the need to retain so many "friendships" that really have no real relevant context in your present life?
> 
> Looking up that ex-flame is really digging back into your unresolved adolescence. Going through old friends picture-galleries of all their trips to Disney-Land, having babies, selfies in front of some interesting landmark...I don't know, probably can just make someone envious of someone else's "happiness", although it may not be the case. Sure, Facebook is a useful tool for many reasons, but I wonder if it is also a blockade for someone to be able to move on with their life.


Totally agree. It is an invaluable tool for maintaining contact with those people (friends and family) who have moved away, become too busy to see in real life as much as you'd like, etc. It's also a great tool for rekindling old friendships that have otherwise moved on due to normal circumstances. I have about a dozen people I've reconnected with through facebook who have become my friends in real life again. Among them - my wife 

But generally speaking, your points are completely correct. It all depends on how one uses facebook, I guess. I am the type of user who has around 100 friends (which is low for facebook). A good half of them are family, 30 or so are real life friends, and the remaining 20 or so are people who have reconnected with me (or vice versa) with whom I've maintained a friendship with. I've routinely removed people from my friends list over the years, you know, the ones who remember me from high school, friend me, say something like "hey, long time no see!" and you never talk again.

Personally, I think it's a great tool, if used correctly and entered in to without a predisposition to privacy concerns. It's also easy to get out of hand and have 500 friends in your list, 400 of them you've never met in real life, or haven't spoken to in 4 years. But to each their own.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, ouch. I guess you can be glad that you are no longer around that family. What a mean person!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Yes, ex FIL's reply was nasty and unnecessary, and it honestly hurt my feelings. There is no way around that.

But full disclosure: our relationship did not end well 5/6 years ago, and I did say some nasty things to him back then. Nothing so far over the top that it required a response like this 6 years later, but nonetheless, he clearly has a loooong memory.

In a nutshell, my ex wife left a huge, dirty wake behind her during our divorce, and the only two people who could (or would) clean up after her were me and ex FIL. We butted heads a number of times over the method in which things should be handled, and we are both self-admittedly pig-headed. I was looking out for my own interests, and he was looking out for hers (as he should have, I guess). But as she was no longer even on this continent, he became her defacto stand-in for all things divorce related, while she directed him via email. A bad plan from the get-go.

I did let it ride for many months, but as time passed, things became more and more skewed in her (their...) favor, and I manned up and put my foot down. Things were quickly becoming unreasonable, and I believed at the time (and am still convinced) that she was feeding him misinformation about the reason for her leaving and my character.

The last thing I ever emailed to him was your basic TAM-advised exposure letter, complete with proof (of many things), cc'd my ex wife and the lawyer, and I never heard from him again, including relating to the divorce. She handled everything (from Europe) from that point on, and only via the lawyer, and she eventually acquiesced with many of her outrageous demands.

I believe he was (and apparently still is) butt-hurt, as the kids say, about all of this. I suppose he had every right to, as the exposure letter painted his daughter in a less-than-flattering light, one in which there was no denying, either. But I sent that to him as a last resort, to protect my own interests (financial and otherwise). It is not an email I considered sending him at any point prior to that, because it would have been hurtful to him, to learn what kind of a person his daughter actually was. I had no interest in hurting him personally, but because he was treating this (and me) like nothing more than a business deal, I had little choice.

So there you go. His response was still awful, though.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, why in the world would you want to continue ANY kind of relationship with your former FIL.

And to top things off, over Facebook?

Really? 

I didn't read your original thread AT ALL, I didn't need to. You are getting caught up in bunch of BS while you are ignoring the core issue at hand.

Well, 2 core issues.....FORMER FIL and FACEBOOK.

Seems to me like you created your own problem there buddy.

And now I read your latest reply/update and it confirms what I'm saying above. You are not only looking for problems but now allowing this person to hurt you?

What was your goal here to begin with? 

How did that go/work out for you?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

DoF said:


> I didn't read your original thread AT ALL, I didn't need to.


Nope, you kind of did! 

I didn't invite this mess, and if you read it, you'll see that I actually resisted. Though in retrospect (hindsight is 20/20) I should have just ignored the whole thing and carried on.

But yes, you did need to read it.


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