# Does anyone know if DD & CM ended up staying together?



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Does anyone know if DD & CM ended up staying together?


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

I've been curious about that, too. He sounded like he really wasn't particularly interested in reconciliation. The way DD discovered his wife's affair must have been soul crushing. Poor guy! The only reason he stayed with her was for the kids. Don't know if that was enough reason in the long run.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Can someone clarify who DD and CM are for me??


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

DevastatedDad and ChangingMe (his cheating wife) ? I am guessing.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Their story was one of the first I ran across on TAM.

It was pretty crappy with immense devastation.

I hope she really did change but I didn't care too much for her.

He had very high emotional and psychological damage.

I hope he is healthy and happy.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Someone find the thread. 

How did she get on here? Was it after he found out?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Someone find the thread.
> 
> How did she get on here? Was it after he found out?


She joined the thread after he had it going for a while.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Someone find the thread.
> 
> How did she get on here? Was it after he found out?


I think it was called "My wife cheated and I hate my life"


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think I remember that one.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I just checked his profile and that thread is gone.

He has one asking for a banned member to be reinstated but that is all.

His last activity was over two years ago.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I thought threads were never deleted...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> I thought threads were never deleted...


I thought it would be archived (closed) but still available.

Don't see it through.

It was serious trigger bait. Might be better buried.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

The tread was deleted before they ended deleting treads here. Some time ago, I heard they were still together, but who knows what their situation is now. Why he would stay with her after he caught her cheating twice, I’ll never understand. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror everyday if I had stayed with someone like her.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

They seemed to be making progress, I think they were active on the Reconciliation thread of B1 and EI too.

They also had their handles changed to the initials of their forum names.

It was a "thing" to mark progress in reconciliation at the time I think.

The only thing I could find was the thread refered to previously when he was still DevestatedDad.

He was good at tech/sound equipment engineer maybe, (thats how he caught his wife and his best friend), live audio at his office if I recall, it was gruesome. 

He was helping someone here with recordings, I think fom a var. He started triggering and they deleted threads and stoped posting.

He had gotten his pilots license and it was help him alot.

They were a cute couple, had kids. Posted a picture of themselves with the guys from MythBusters. 










She was a christian family counselor of all things.

It was also one of the first threats I started following as well, he was so open about his pain.

It is one of those threads you cant forget. 

She was very remorseful, I think she would never repeat it.

I would like to hear they are moving on together, but I guess it will remain a question mark.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Btw DD almost single handedly saved @Bandits ass by talking Chris into restoring him.

@Bandit wasnt always the thoughtful, congenial gentleman we know him as today, lol.

One of the very few TAM absolutions I have ever seen.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> The tread was deleted before they ended deleting treads here. Some time ago, I heard they were still together, but who knows what their situation is now. Why he would stay with her after he caught her cheating twice, I’ll never understand. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror everyday if I had stayed with someone like her.



You are right, I had forgotten about that.

He caught it earlier, his best friend cried, I suppose she did too.

He thought that would end it and he was trying to be a decent guy, so he kind of rugsweeped it.

Thats like finding an addict's stash. They wont stop just because you are disappointed. 

The guy was a true creep, always trying to pick up scraps from other people's relationships. 

She really affaired down there.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Was he the guy that actually heard his WW banging her OM in her office by way of a butt-dialed phone call?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Was he the guy that actually heard his WW banging her OM in her office by way of a butt-dialed phone call?


He was a techie that had good reasons for being suspicious of his wife and caught her on a recording at her place of employment.

She was a "Christian" family counselor who was using her offices to get it on with OM.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Decorum said:


> Btw DD almost single handedly saved @Bandits ass by talking Chris into restoring him.
> 
> @Bandit wasnt always the thoughtful, congenial gentleman we know him as today, lol.
> 
> One of the very few TAM absolutions I have ever seen.


Yeah...I was a bit mouthy back then....


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Last I remember DD was working on getting his pilot's license. He and the WW were sort of doing their own rehab...which mainly consisted of her shagging him rotten and hanging out in the hottub with him. 

I didn't sense too much contrition in her.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> She was a "Christian" family counselor who was using her offices to get it on with OM.


She was one of those types huh? I hope she was at least exposed.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

sokillme said:


> She was one of those types huh? I hope she was at least exposed.


Frustratingly, no.

DD wanted her to keep working in case he divorced her.

She kept right on being a two faced hypocrite at her workplace.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Frustratingly, no.
> 
> DD wanted her to keep working in case he divorced her.
> 
> She kept right on being a two faced hypocrite at her workplace.




This thread impacted me in many ways. From what I remember DD did get his pilots license and flew his family for vacations. ChangingMe did continue working as a therapist but I don’t believe she worked with couples anymore. It was discussed many times in the thread the harm that could bring depending if she chose one person over the other that she was counseling. It was also discussed how being a therapist could harm the reconciliation as she would know exactly what to do or say. Many people who commented on that thread were genuinely scared for DD as she was farther ahead than DD in the area of psych. 

In my opinion, if ChangingMe has genuine remorse, repentance, and disclosed she cheated, I think she could work with couples. People can change, and do, and sometimes people won’t change. If ChangingMe didn’t change then I would hope she doesn’t counsel couples. When I joined marriage counseling I tried to find a therapist with expierience in infidelity. Once it happens to you it’s strange how you no longer even know who you are. Former cheaters can be good people, I know several here at TAM alone that are truly amazing and inspiring. My own wife has worked very hard to change, to become better and healthier, and she has. Sadly though this isn’t true of everyone, people have flaws and issues they can’t overcome, for whatever reason. My sincere hope is that DD and ChangingMe are now healthier, whether together or apart.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

drifting on said:


> This thread impacted me in many ways. From what I remember DD did get his pilots license and flew his family for vacations. ChangingMe did continue working as a therapist but I don’t believe she worked with couples anymore. It was discussed many times in the thread the harm that could bring depending if she chose one person over the other that she was counseling. It was also discussed how being a therapist could harm the reconciliation as she would know exactly what to do or say. Many people who commented on that thread were genuinely scared for DD as she was farther ahead than DD in the area of psych.
> 
> In my opinion, if ChangingMe has genuine remorse, repentance, and disclosed she cheated, I think she could work with couples. People can change, and do, and sometimes people won’t change. If ChangingMe didn’t change then I would hope she doesn’t counsel couples. When I joined marriage counseling I tried to find a therapist with expierience in infidelity. Once it happens to you it’s strange how you no longer even know who you are. Former cheaters can be good people, I know several here at TAM alone that are truly amazing and inspiring. My own wife has worked very hard to change, to become better and healthier, and she has. Sadly though this isn’t true of everyone, people have flaws and issues they can’t overcome, for whatever reason. My sincere hope is that DD and ChangingMe are now healthier, whether together or apart.


My problem was that she absolutely disqualified herself from the position she was in.

She should have resigned for even committing adultery while working for a Christian counseling center but she took it a step further and banged the OM right in her workplace, using company facilities and time to get her infidelity on.

She could have come back to her counseling career after making amends.

She was full of **** because you expect honesty in counseling sessions and she wouldn't even own up to her **** with her employer.

I was never impressed with her over that detail in particular and several others.

I hope DD is healthy and his kids as well.

CM can pound sand until she quits working in the Christian center she used as a brothel.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

drifting on said:


> This thread impacted me in many ways. From what I remember DD did get his pilots license and flew his family for vacations. ChangingMe did continue working as a therapist but I don’t believe she worked with couples anymore. It was discussed many times in the thread the harm that could bring depending if she chose one person over the other that she was counseling. It was also discussed how being a therapist could harm the reconciliation as she would know exactly what to do or say. Many people who commented on that thread were genuinely scared for DD as she was farther ahead than DD in the area of psych.
> 
> In my opinion, if ChangingMe has genuine remorse, repentance, and disclosed she cheated, I think she could work with couples. People can change, and do, and sometimes people won’t change. If ChangingMe didn’t change then I would hope she doesn’t counsel couples. When I joined marriage counseling I tried to find a therapist with expierience in infidelity. Once it happens to you it’s strange how you no longer even know who you are. Former cheaters can be good people, I know several here at TAM alone that are truly amazing and inspiring. My own wife has worked very hard to change, to become better and healthier, and she has. Sadly though this isn’t true of everyone, people have flaws and issues they can’t overcome, for whatever reason. My sincere hope is that DD and ChangingMe are now healthier, whether together or apart.


She pushes two extremely hot buttons with me.

The first is the whole counseling, liar, workplace ethics violations.

The second, and the most important, is someone claiming brethren status with me and my God while refusing to repent.

Hot buttons indeed.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Was he the guy that actually heard his WW banging her OM in her office by way of a butt-dialed phone call?


Yes, I don't recall exactly, I think he knew how to turn something on, but it could have been a butt dial, either way he heard them in the act, and recorded it.

She thought it was over when she was caught, but when she realized DD was considering reconciliation for his children sake she was all about it.

I am telling you this guy was a creep, he was touching other men's wives in the hot tub, but then they were going topless etc.

He had cheated before, and was a serial cheater, she was just, just, just, dumb. Fell for the attention, actually thought she was in love at the time.

I found it disturbing and shocking to be honest.

DD was no pushover, but like so many he tried to treat infidelity like a marriage problem.

Besides the fact that he had forgiven them once, if I recall correctly the thing that bothered him the most was that their marriage was good, and if she could do this when it was good how could he ever expect that she would be faithful in the long run.

During reconciliation she did say that in the bedroom DD was getting anything and all that he wanted, but last I read he had pulled back, they were living as roommates, and then they deleted their thread and stop posting.

I do think she came out of the fog and was appalled at herself.

The post affair autopsy that was performed on them/their relationship was as thorough a dissection as any I have ever seen performed. I was new here at the time, but I still have reservations about it. 

When they left I just had a feeling like it was not going to end with them staying together.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I randomly decided to pop in tonight and check on a few old friends. This thread is the first one I came across. You don’t have to speculate any longer. DD & CM are together, and by all appearances seem to be very happy. DD did get his pilot’s license, and I’m almost certain that CM got hers, as well. They do a lot of traveling together, and CM is still a counselor. 


True reconciliations may be very rare, but B1 and I are living proof that marriages can not only survive infidelity, but with hard work, honesty, genuine compassion, and a mutual desire to heal, both individually, and together, love can be reignited, and marriages can thrive. B1 and I are both happier today than we’ve ever been. Our oldest son and his wife became first time parents to a beautiful baby girl earlier this year, and our youngest son got married this summer. Our middle son, who struggled with addiction, after becoming addicted to his pain medication, after having had 4 knee surgeries, has been in recovery for well over a year, and is now working for a Fortune 500 company in the field of IT. Our daughter and her husband just finished building their dream home, and are parents to our 7 y/o grandson. And, finally, our special needs son is still living on his own, with a full-time, live in caregiver. He attends an adult day program, and works part-time. 

B1 and I are finally empty nesters, and just last year we bought our final home, complete with a fully stocked lake in the back yard. He works from home 2-3 days a week, and when the weather is nice, his lunch hour is spent with a burger on the grill, and a fishing pole in the water. Our children’s homes are all within a few miles of us, which makes me very happy, and my days are spent with our new granddaughter in my arms, while her mommy and daddy are at work. Life is good! 

B1 and I have been immeasurably blessed! 

Merry Christmas, my friends!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

EI said:


> and CM is still a counselor.


And no one knows the wiser right?

I have said it before and I will say it again. God will not be mocked. This is not the end to this story yet.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

@EI That is wonderful news both for you and DD/CM. Both of your stories are among the few that I have know of that give some hope. Thank you for checking in.
I am winding down my time here and both of your stories were ones I wonder about and had hope for.
Merry Christmas, and God bless!


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

sokillme said:


> And no one knows the wiser right?
> 
> I have said it before and I will say it again. God will not be mocked. This is not the end to this story yet.


God will not be mocked, but there are too many unknowns here to be so sure.
Sometimes our greatest strengths comes out of our greatest weaknesses, and our most life changing message comes out of our greatest failures.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

@EI 

That is so good to hear!

I am very happy for you and your family!

We have a couple of grand kiddos now as well and you actually have the setup we hope and dream about!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Decorum said:


> God will not be mocked, but there are too many unknowns here to be so sure.
> Sometimes our greatest strengths comes out of our greatest weaknesses, and our most life changing message comes out of our greatest failures.[/QUOTE
> 
> She shouldn't have that job anymore. If and when the affair comes out it will damage the church, the counseling center and all her colleagues. This is not how repentance works and it is not an overall good sign for their future.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

@EI So good to read that you,B1 and family are doing so well. Life can be good,but it doesn't always come easy. You guys have earned it.

Btw,my first great grandchild arrived not long ago. Where does the time go?

Regards,TBT


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

sokillme,

I haven’t talked to CM in at least 4 years. With regard to the state of CM & DD’s marriage, I can only go by what I am able to glean from their social media accounts. They are clearly still together, and by all appearances, they genuinely seem to be quite happy. As far as her counseling career, I do seem to recall that she no longer worked for the same agency that she did at the time of her affair, but she did still work in the counseling field. However, I think that she moved into an entirely different area of counseling that was unrelated to marriage counseling. With that said, I don’t believe that someone who has had an affair, necessarily lacks value as someone who can offer counsel to individuals who are struggling in their marriages, including marriages that have been rocked by infidelity. A huge part of our son’s addiction recovery includes having strong relationships with people who are further along in their recovery, so that he has positive examples to follow, who can offer him encouragement and inspiration when he faces challenges associated with recovery. It also includes having strong relationships with those who are not as far along in their recovery, so that he, too, might serve as an encouragement and inspiration for others. I believe that if someone is long past their infidelity, has done the necessary work on themselves to move forward in a healthy manner, and has done all that they can to try to make amends to those whom they’ve hurt, and are willing to be completely honest about their past, they may very well be able to offer counsel that would be beneficial to someone who is currently coping with infidelity. Of course, it would have to be up to the client to decide whether or not they believed they could be helped by that counselor. 

As far as CM goes, none of us here, including myself, have any knowledge of what their church, her employer, or her colleagues know. Without the two of them here to speak for themselves, we should not assume that she hasn’t repented and made amends. So, a supposed lack of repentance on her part is not something that should be speculated about and judged as such. CM’s repentance is between her and God, and it’s up to DD to decide whether or not he can accept her as she is now, and move forward with her in reconciliation, which by all appearances, he has. 

This wasn’t my story to tell, and I have no authority on which to speak on CM & DD’s behalf. However, like many of you, I have occasionally wondered what had become of different individuals who had shared their stories on TAM. I just happened to log on last night, saw this thread, and the speculation that went along with it, and decided to share what little I knew. I hoped that others might find inspiration in knowing that even the marriages that seem to be the most damaged by infidelity, are not always beyond repair, if both individuals truly wish to reconcile and are willing to put in the monumental effort required to heal both themselves, and their relationship.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

sokillme said:


> Decorum said:
> 
> 
> > God will not be mocked, but there are too many unknowns here to be so sure.
> ...


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Thank you @EI we are on the same page.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

wmn1 said:


> sokillme said:
> 
> 
> > I agree. Especially with your last line.
> ...


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

sokillme said:


> wmn1 said:
> 
> 
> > Unless it blows up and then it's everyone who is associated with her professionally. Including the folks she counsels.
> ...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

wmn1 said:


> sokillme said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah, no ^^^t. BTW my last post was agreeing with you, not Decorum who I do respect. Why it came across that way was probably my error since I am not here much.
> ...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I believe someone who has overcome their own infidelity in a healthy manner is qualified to counsel.

I hope CM did turn into a solid and healthy human.

She needed to extricate herself from her employer where she betrayed so much more than two marriages and families.

What she did at her place of employment is an entirely separate issue from her marriage though the actions she took affected both.

When you sin against someone, you are supposed to do your best to repay them according to what you did.

She may have done what was necessary for DD but, as of the last post on that thread, she was still not forthright with her employer.

Hard to repent when you're still hiding what you did from the people you sinned against.

I've dealt first hand with a similar situation.

I guarantee CM was warped in all her thoughts when she was destroying her marriage at her workplace and could not have been giving clear advice to those in need.

I had a woman who was head of children's ministries get caught in a closet with one of her helpers. Her husband divorced her and the church dwindled to nothing afterwards but before she was caught, I was calling her out on one questionable decision after another.

Her warped view of fidelity spilled over into everything she touched.

For CM to be fine with something as vile as she was doing, she had to be a long way down the rabbit hole where "wonderland" antics were considered normal.


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