# Your coping with infidelity, music or whatever.



## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

I am a betrayed husband. I have been dealing with this issue for the better part of 5 months or so. Things are getting better as my divorce proceeds. The one thing that has helped me more than anything else was listening to music. 

Unfortunately, it has pretty much been the same music over and over and over again. It has been the only way for me to cope and actually get anything done at work besides surfing the net about my wife's infidelity and just asking myself "why?" all the time.

This was my original Playlist:

Louder than a bomb - Public Enemy
Smack my b!tch up - The Prodigy
Take no prisoners - Megadeth
Firestarter - The Prodigy
Follow the leader - Eric B and Rakim
Communication Breakdown - Led Zeppelin
Superbad - James Brown

After I saw what my wife was really all about and started getting divorced, I added these songs to lead off with, followed by the rest:

We won't get fooled again - The Who
I'm Free - The Who

If I ever want to get charged up and forget for a bit, I play these songs and get motivated. If anyone else has some motivational music, please post.

I know some people can't even think about music at this point. Talk radio was and still is that way for me. If you have something else you do to deal with the hurt just to get moving through your day, please feel free to post that too.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Made me cry but the best song for the way I felt was Fergie - Losing My Ground....hence my username.

When I exposed and talked with the MOW Fergie - Pedalstool.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

When I'm not focused on my work, I turn to genealogy as a hobby. I have gone to the ancestry site and started the family tree on my side of the family. For me, it's a fascinating trip through the history of the people that lived, worked, loved, had children (of which I am a descendant) and died. I enjoy the research, and because of the way it is set up on that particular site, my sons and future grandchildren will be able to learn of their own ancestors when and if they ever become interested.

Other than that, I suppose focusing on making a better life for myself, being involved with my family (excluding the stbxh) and generally just the feeling of hope for my future keeps me looking forward. And when I choose to look backward, that's were the ancestry thing works for me. 

As for music - can't listen to the radio at work, short commute doesn't leave me much time for the radio and when I get home I have the TV on (although I sometimes switch to classical music that has no lyrics)


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

I listen to eastern music. And I still cry a lot. I started going to Gym. And I still need to learn how to keep myself more busy. Don't know how I'll. I'm working on improving my social skills and making friends.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

I find the entire Foo Fighters record Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace to resonate with regard to infidelity.

I also find that exhaustive physical exercise, and being in nature, to be a great coping tool. I picked up trail running, and chasing deer, last winter.

Lifting weights also seems to be about the perfect coping tool. Gets the frustration energy out, calms you down, makes you feel good, and if you keep at it, you start looking real good too!


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

Saki said:


> Lifting weights also seems to be about the perfect coping tool. Gets the frustration energy out, calms you down, makes you feel good, and if you keep at it, you start looking real good too!


I have been doing much of this too, and running. It gets tough with kids around, but I do it whenever I can.

I am looking MUCH better than I used to and my arms are getting big. Chicks are starting to dig Carlton, even my STBXW, but fvck her. Not too soon either, the attention is nice to have when your whole world has gone to sh!t.

New clothes to peac0ck in too, that has boosted my self esteem.


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## edubs (Nov 28, 2012)

Currently playing:

hatebreed - I will be heard
Pantera - this love
rage against the machine - freedom (and the entire first album)
30 seconds to mars - this is war


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I use exercise with either music or the news playing in background. In the warmer weather - would cycle outside a lot. Now have my bike on a resistance trainer in my basement - it's a good way to just zone out for 45 minutes to an hour. Get into a rhythm and cadence and just sweat for 45 minutes while thinking of nothing in particular - sometimes just focus on breathing and heartbeat. It's close to meditation for me. If I do it early in the morning, it gets my metabolism up for the rest of the day. I lost 16 pounds in about 4 weeks right after separation - stress, lack of sleep, and not eating properly. I found that I was gaining some of it back as I "moved on". So I am trying to hang onto the weight loss which was a great side-benefit of the separation! Joining a University gym that's within walking distance of my house - not sure how much I will use it, but it is cheap and has good facilities (pool/Squash/Tennis/Weights). 

My playlists for music are all over the map.


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## Rihanna (Jun 5, 2012)

This isn't to surprising but during his EA before I knew, I got into Rihanna. I had assumed Rihanna wasn't for me and I was too old (43). How ever "We Found Love" really spoke to me so I listened to more and more. After DDay Nicki Manaje and some Beyonce got in the mix. I got very girl powerish and it helped me a lot. I realized I am not so old. Since my husband was genuine in his remorse I didn't need PE or goodbye stuff. I focused on rebuilding my self-esteem and my own pu$$y power.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

I didn't want to associate *my* music with the dark period after Dday1, so I listened to Top40 for about two months. NOT my style at all. I was amazed how many songs fit my situation, found I actually enjoyed stuff I would never have considered before, and learned a lot about contemporary music at the same time. Getting betrayed has benefitted me in some odd ways, as much as I hate to say it. 

Went through a couple days of listening to every variation of the "Hungarian Death Song" I could find. I was really starting to introspect and withdraw, nothing suicidal as the song would indicate, but I couldn't stop listening to it. I didn't know it then but I think that was when my WW was in her deepest PA period in FalseR. I felt the wrongness, but didn't know the truth at the same time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gloomy_Sunday

All the music I really like though- dark wave, gothic, ethereal, industrial, Tom Waits, White Stripes and Zeppelin etc. will hopefully not be intimately linked to the most horrible time of my life. 

Almost every day I want to hear "Time Becomes" by Orbital. I suppose one could consider it a song. 

I also made some relevant artwork right before Dday2- I should really post one peculiar thing I did in my thread just to get some good psychobabble.


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

DrMathias said:


> Went through a couple days of listening to every variation of the "Hungarian Death Song" I could find. I was really starting to introspect and withdraw, nothing suicidal as the song would indicate, but I couldn't stop listening to it. I didn't know it then but I think that was when my WW was in her deepest PA period in FalseR. I felt the wrongness, but didn't know the truth at the same time.
> 
> Gloomy Sunday - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Well, keep that chin up. I read your thread(s). I will not go to jail or kill myself for anyone. The best way in all this is to better yourself, not bring yourself down.

Stay strong.


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## DWM (Sep 27, 2012)

Some music becomes a trigger for me since it evokes such sad emotions. The song I am keeping furthest away from at the moment is Santa Monica by Theory of a Deadman. It gets me crying every time I even think about it.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

The morning after Dday, the song Descending by Lamb of God.

Today...Someday by John Legend


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## maaz3231 (May 27, 2011)

Trance music while working out. Exercise releases a lot of stress!


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

I am now more into spirituality.

In the initial weeks and months, I was in anger and turned to eastern classical music, mostly devotional.


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## Jason439 (Jul 16, 2012)

New Country for me. The Highway on Sirius satellite. 

Zac Brown Band - Goodbye in her Eyes 

Tough one to listen too, but fits my situation to a T.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette - Lyrics - YouTube

*Outside-staind*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE4OMnvFDOU

*Youre a liar-slash*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9aLA4SrhWY

THIS was how I felt DURING the A. Thankfully, Ive come a long way Baby!


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## DWM (Sep 27, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette - Lyrics - YouTube
> 
> *Outside-staind*Staind - Outside - YouTube
> 
> ...


STaind, Thats another depression trigger for me, particluarly the song "It's been a while". That was new and current during the first EA of STBXW I was aware of.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

DWM said:


> STaind, Thats another depression trigger for me, particluarly the song "It's been a while". That was new and current during the first EA of STBXW I was aware of.


Sorry. truly. Triggers SUCK!


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

Certainly a song that brings stuff back for me is careless whisper by George Michaels.

Also REO speedwagon, take it on the run. Both cheating songs.


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