# Girlfriend cant have alot of sex



## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

First off,
I want to say that I'm not complaining! I'm coming for advice.

Ive been dating a girl for a few months now and she cant have sex often. That isn't the problem as we know why (recent, before me, female issues). The problem is I'm not used to being with someone and having so little sex, more importantly being with someone who I have never wanted to have that intimate connection with so much and can't. We talk about it and I know what I'm in for if I want to continue to be with her, and I do. I just am having trouble ignoring the urges I have to have sex with her often and don't want it to become an issue or a cause of resentment. Help slap some sense into me.

Extra info: We use lube, I'm not huge, she wants to have sex with me badly too but can't often, and is very insecure about it as this is the reason her last BF left her.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Rock,

You just in lust segment of your relationship.

A adjustment may be in order for you and her.

Our honeymoon was the same, and couple of years same and then somebody let the tiger out of her cage.

Enjoy.


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

I'm not asking if were in love or in lust. We just want to have sex and cant. It's hard for me. I know its hard for her. She's already had guys leave her for it and I don't want to be one of those guys. Its hard to get to that been married for three years period and don't care about the sex when you've only been dating for two months. And believe me, sex isn't the only thing I care about or I would of just walked away.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

A adjustment may be in order for you and her.

An answer again, how about 1 time honeymoon and 1 time per month for first 6 months.

You may need to adjust.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I'm assuming we are just talking about intercourse that she has difficulty with. How about "helping" you out in otherways between times? Is she open to that and would that make you feel better?


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

reidqa said:


> A adjustment may be in order for you and her.


Please say this one more time so I can still not know what you are trying to get at. Its like saying "You have to change something", super vauge.




TNgirl232 said:


> I'm assuming we are just talking about intercourse that she has difficulty with. How about "helping" you out in otherways between times? Is she open to that and would that make you feel better?


Pretty much anything physical down there. I get like 20 minutes to make her feel as good as I can and then its sore time in and out for a while. I have no problem getting her her cookie then. Then she will get me mine other ways. And she has no problems satisfying me in between times. Its not the satisfying I'm worried about.

We will just get in intense moments. And I just don't want her to give me a hand job or something else then, we want to share a consensual moment. I am okay realizing how the times we do have now are special. And I appreciate them so much, but I have these slight feelings of let down when we don't, way in the back of my head. When she says not this time, I can't. And I say okay and hold her and make sure she knows its totally ok with me. But the want is still there. With her too. She gets very sad cause she wants it too. Its like the only awkward time we ever experience. 

Trust me when I say I do EVERYTHING I can to not let her feel any insecurities. That's why I'm here, cause I don't want to stop doing that.


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## makingmymarriagework (Apr 13, 2009)

Are you having sex in a comfortable environment? It could be your sourroundings. You probably need a change of scenery?


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

without sounding too crass, can I ask Exactly what these female issues are?

Is it that she has no natural lubrication? Or that she has some scarring in the vaginal area? What is stoping her from making love often? And how often are you having full intercourse?

It's hard to answer your querry without more info...

nothing to be shy about... all of us on here either have a vagina or penis! lol...

can you enlighten us?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

yes, please be more direct...hard to help with the vaguness, we are all adults, just list the issue.

also, has she seen a medical Doctor, a GYN for this and asked advice, it could be a serious medical issue.

any turmoil in her life?

Also, does she take any medication what so ever. During allergy season my wife dries out big time, so it can be a medication issue. 

She have any children?


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

I appreciate all your openness. An apologize for my reluctance. She has a family history of cancer and has had ovarian cancer and went through surgery and Chemo and has reoccurring cervical cysts, irritating ones. Some of these have been removed too. It is obvious with these why she gets sore inside. Honestly I am not very sure why she gets sore outside. I assumed it was because she got dry easily from taking Claritan and have been using gratuitous amounts of lubrication. She still seems to get super sore on her outside still though. Almost like I'm too big, and I'm not. We don't just rush into it either, forplay is what our entire sex life consists of. She hasen't been as sexually active since her cancer and cysts so this is a new problem to her which she has expressed a want to go to the doctor about. No kids, no recent turmoil, no uncomfortable scenery. We are both in our late 20's so age shouldn't be a huge factor.

For once in both of our lives we are happy as individuals, and that is when we met, and we want to share our happiness with each other, but have some major "sex hurdles". I care for her a lot and will not leave her because of these. But It is still lingering in the back of my head. I'll say we have a short amount of sex once every two weeks. I can get her off pretty quick but she always get very sore before its my turn. And I'm not banging her up too. I cant with her issues, I am being very understanding to her needs and situation. Its just hard for me. I know its hard for her too


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well claritan dries my wife out, I can drop a bucket of lube and it hurts her.

I would try and find other methods, I am sure she is very self concious and allot of it can be mental, knowing about it.

If I were her I would really talk to her Doctors see if they have any ideas.

Otherwise I would have to try other methods of sexual fullfillment. Is she game to everything else? go that route more often.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

rock... I am sorry to hear about your girl's battle with cysts and ovarian cancer.

I have the same problem right now. They suspected a that a cyst I have developed, a septated/complex cyst, might be cancer. They did a test ,and said it was okay, but if it's not gone by early May, Ill have to have surgery to remove it.

I feel for her. I do know from what the docs told me, that indeed ovarian cysts, can cause painful sex. They can cause bleeding, nausea, weight gain or loss, some of them even get to be huge, the size of a basketball... 

If this is the main cause of her having pain, then removing the cysts seems to me, to be the only thing that will help. Unless they are functional cysts that are normal, and usually go away within one or two cycles. I do know that often times women that have problems with cysts, are put on the birth control pill, to help regulate the hormones that dictate what the cysts do. Is she on the pill?
I don't know what could be causing her to have pain on the outside of the vagina.. She really needs to tell her doc, that sex has become painful enough that it's affecting her sex life. And ask what can be done to ease this pain. I do know there are also topical ointments that a woman can put in that area, to in effect numb the sore area, and make sex easier.. . but as you imagine, this also decreases some of the feeling in that area. But, if it's hurting, it might be something that could help, and that way you could make love more often.


it could be that when she held off sex for so long, she is now not used to having that skin stretched and pulled , which is natural when penetration occurs.....

I know that times when I've gone a long time without sex.... when hubby and I finally do make love again... it can hurt a little, nothing horrible though. But, I have to admit, if I go weeks and weeks... and then we have sex.... well, I can't do it again and again... because the skin in effect gets raw, and irritated, because it was not used to the friction! ;-)

Let me tell you, that after I had my last child, I had torn pretty badly, well really I tore with both my kids.... but my son was over 9 pounds.... and I of course tore. After my 6 week checkup , after he was born.... I asked my doc about the skin down there, and he said once we are ready to have sex... we should do it about 3 times a week, to get the skin "strechted " back out , so to speak, and used to sexual activity again....

Just a freaky fact of being a woman! lol....

Well, ultimately, your girlfriend needs to ask her ob/gyn what kinds of things can be done to make sex more comfortable for her. I am certain there are some things they can do. At the very least a topical cream to make it less painful. And if they can get the cysts under control, then the pain from that might be eased....

I am sorry you're having so much trouble. 

have you tried sensual massage? And I know right now a hand job, or blow job, isn't as satisfying as the act of intercourse... but, if it's all you two can do right now, then it might be okay to utilize these methods for satisfaction, until her issues resolve themselves. this might not be something that lasts forever, with her , it might be temporary...

A good blow job,,, is almost as good as sex, if you do it well. At least that's what my husband tells me. Sometimes, he actually prefers a BJ, to sex... ;-)

Please update us, and let us know how your girlfriend is doing. Let us know how it's going.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I feel for your GF, I really do. Not only has she had the physical/medical problems but the emotional problems of having lost relationships and the constant strife in current relationship due to her past medical problems.

She has to be totally a wreck on the inside.

Take marina's advice, she needs to ask her OBGYN what she can do to make sex more comfortable.

I might also suggest other forms of sex, from oral, anal, manual stimulation, mutual masturbation, etc.

My wife and I have "sex" 5-6 times a week, but to make sure she doesn't get sore down there, we only have vaginal sex about 3 times a week. The other 2-3 times are combinations of the other forms I mentioned above.

I really feel for your GF, she has been through a lot emotionally as well as physically.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Your girlfriend definitely needs to work closely with her OB/GYN to find a solution to this problem or help improve her comfort with sex. Don't forget that, given all that she's been through, there have to be some psychological fear as well. I mean, if she's had so much pain down there, it's natural that she EXPECTS pain, which makes things more difficult. She might want to talk to someone about how her experience with pain has affected her expectations and fears of sexual intimacy.

In the meantime, don't feel like her giving you oral or a hand-job is something that isn't "consensual" or "mutual" ... it can be a loving act.

On the other hand, though you so desperately don't want to be "that guy" that dumps her due to the sex problem, you must also be honest with yourself about whether you will be able to cope with the amount of sex you are getting (and you would only get less once married/ having children). It is not selfish or cruel of you to determine what would be best for you in your future and if you are someone with a high libido, don't discount that or berate yourself about it. It is normal and healthy and you should strive to have an ideal situation in your relationship. You might be feeling loving and patient at this early stage in the relationship, but give it 10 years and you will be frustrated and bitter. So these guys that left for that reason aren't bad guys, they were just honest with themselves about what they could handle and not handle. And that was their right, as it is yours.


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

MsLady said:


> On the other hand, though you so desperately don't want to be "that guy" that dumps her due to the sex problem, you must also be honest with yourself about whether you will be able to cope with the amount of sex you are getting (and you would only get less once married/ having children). It is not selfish or cruel of you to determine what would be best for you in your future and if you are someone with a high libido, don't discount that or berate yourself about it. It is normal and healthy and you should strive to have an ideal situation in your relationship. You might be feeling loving and patient at this early stage in the relationship, but give it 10 years and you will be frustrated and bitter. So these guys that left for that reason aren't bad guys, they were just honest with themselves about what they could handle and not handle. And that was their right, as it is yours.


This is why I'm here. We get along better than any girl I've ever met, and with any other girl I would have probably left already. I'm pretty sure I can handle the the lesser amount of sex, but I still worry. Hopefully the Doctors can shed some light on a solution.


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