# Having a hard time understanding



## Missy38 (Nov 7, 2009)

Having a hard time understanding why my husband of 10 years wants a divorces. I did everything he every ask of me. Give him my pay check so we could payed the bills. I feel very hurt at this time. He has the kids trying to get the kids but right now I live in a one bedroom apt. Anyway I still cry every day and even when I have to bring the kids back to him. He tells me I should not cry in front of the kids but it hurt so much inside. We have been divorce of a month now and separation sent August. He already has a girlfriend and the kids have met her. I feel very hurt and lost for words. How can I love him so much and hate him at the same time. I am tired of crying all the time the only time I do not cry or try not do is at work. My children mean the world to me and I would not hurt them in away. I do not question the children about his girlfriend and I ask them not to talk about her in front of me. I am wrong for doing this. I would like to have my family back but I know right now that is not going to happen. Tonight I was trying to find a friend to talk to but a lot of them are with there husbands or boyfriends. I just went to google tonight to try to find someone to talk to that understand what I am feeling inside and how hurt I feel.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

What were the problems in your marriage?

I'm sorry you are hurting and sad. It's so difficult to divorce when you aren't the one wanting it.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

I'm so sorry. I know it hurts.


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## Missy38 (Nov 7, 2009)

I real do not know. When night he came home from a business trip give me a hug and went into his office. After a while he came to me and said he wanted a divorce. I ask why he said he was tired. I do not know what happen. I always was there when thing did not go right with his business and when he was sick and he was in the hospital for a week and a half. I was all there for him know matter what it was I was there. I wanted him to talk to someone he said no. I feel like I lost my best friend. A lot of my friends think he was controling of me. I did not feel like that I just wanted to have some money in my pocket. I real do not know what happen. I feel like there had to be someone else cause he all ready seeing someone we have not been divorce that long. I am tired of crying and feeling like I did something wrong. I love him and my children more than anything. Some of my friends think I should start dating but I feel like there is anyone for me at this time. I am happy I google tonight and find this web-site to help me understand and just to talk about what I am feeling and know there are other people out there going though the same thing. I feel like crying and just keeping my children with me. but I know I can not do that. When does all the hurt go away and feeling like nothing going to get better. Just happy that I can talk a little about what is going on and how I feel.


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## Wall4life (Nov 11, 2009)

I too have recently been told by my husband of 2.5 years that he does not have that connection with me to stay married to me. He wants out of the marriage. So is he basically telling me that he loves me but he is not in love with me to spend the rest of his life with me?
I feel like a fool because I opened my heart up completely to this man and he just took it and threw it aside. 
I fell in love with him and he doesn't seem to share the same feeling.
The pain is coming and going through the days but it still hurts like hell. My trust in people is completely gone. I am going to probably have to take a loss on my house because we have financial obligations that we made through our marriage. 
I am trying to understand what he is communicating to me.
Can anyone else help me understand


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I bet that GF was the reason for his wanting a divorce. Probably wasn't a real business trip, either. And this is where she told him either he divorces or she's leaving him.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Missy38 said:


> I do not question the children about his girlfriend and I ask them not to talk about her in front of me. I am wrong for doing this. .


No, your not wrong, it's probably best that way as you have no control over who your ex dates or even marries.
Hope you get to feeling better, you sound so sad.


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## Nanook (Nov 21, 2009)

I think to move forward, you need to find out the exact reason he wanted out, otherwise you will be wondering about this forever. And truly never get over this.
But you need to go into this with a very open mind, you need to be prepared for him to say there was someone else. You must try not showing him any emotion, but go as an adult and discuss this with him, let him know you can take any information he gives you, because then he might tell you. Pretend you have moved on, but in order to fully move in, you need this info from him. Even if you type him a letter, if you think you can not see him face to face....Pretend you are going to counselling and this is one of the steps....I know this will hurt like hell, and will not resolve anything straight away, but in the future it might help.


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## Jane Smith (Nov 21, 2009)

Yes I definately think you need some answers to help you move on. You do need to know why. I would suggest maybe writing him a letter and telling him that you accept that he is moving on, but in order for you to move on you really just need to know why. He sounds like a bit of a non confrontational man, this is why I suggest a letter. That way, you also dont show him any emotions, and he will be able to give you answers if he realises that you just seriously need answers to move on.

You really do sound sad. Im so sorry that this has happened to you. 

You said that you are just crying all the time. I know this sounds silly, but you should try taking Rescue Remedy. Its a herbal mixture that helps with anxiety and tearfulness and emotions. It will also helf you sleep better. Its herbal so dont worry about addictions. You get drops and pills that you put under your toung. I suggest that you get the pills and take it 3 times a day until you are feeling better. Then also keep the drops handy for if you start to have severe emotional symptoms.

I hope you feel better!


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

I disagree. Yes you want to know answers and why....trust me I do in my situation...but if I'm being really honest...I know why. And I think that you do as well, maybe you are just hoping to hear something else. 
My advice to everyone ( and I use this on myself, I have to keep repeating it thou!) is work on you right now.

Just hang in there...time will heal it I promise and every day it gets a little easier.
1. Make a list everyday of what you want to accomplish
2. Stay busy ( get out with friends even if you don't feel like it)
3. Clean. Keep everything clean, the apartment, your car, and you!!
4. Exercise. I use this one a lot. Not only is it helping me lose the weight from my pregnancy it makes me feel better as well
5. Join a club, take a class. Get out there and find a hobby.
6. Make a list of the things that you loved about your H...then make a list of the things you dislike about him

He sounds a lot like my H. I paid all the bill, I was the only one who worked, I got the place, the car etc. And yet I could never do enough it seemed.


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