# Considering Divorce



## Jessie Girl (Jun 13, 2009)

Hi, 

I've been married 8 years now and have 4 wounderful children, Now it feels like my husband is more like a room mate instead of a husband. He's been unemployed since Jan and was recently diagnoised with PTSD but he's not on meds and wont get help.

I am tired of being the sole bread winner and then having to come home and take care of the kids and the house. 

We are not affectionate any more and I am affraid it is effecting the kids.

What should I do to help this situation get better.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Counseling. If he won't go with you, go alone. That will help you sort through things. Let him know you are thinking of leaving, too. Why carry his weight when you can be a single parent and lighten your load by one person? Maybe that will shock him into getting the care and meds he needs. If not, you cannot fix him, so don't waste time or energy trying. Save it for your kids; they'll need it. 

You don't say the trauma that led to his PTSD but if you have any reason to think he could become violent or psychotic, get safe and communicate through a lawyer--don't tell him you are thinking about leaving, in that case. Safety first. Best of luck, and I'm so sorry you and your kids are in this position. Him, too, but I don't have as much sympathy since he is refusing available resources.


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## Jessie Girl (Jun 13, 2009)

Thanks for the advice I will try the counsling by my self if he wont go. We have now gone over 24hrs with out saying anything to each other. 

Nothing really traumatic happened it was just being over seas away from the family so long, and I think we might have drifted apart.


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## joshtried (Jun 14, 2009)

as a guy, sometimes we just need a bit of space.. 
that being said, i think its inappropriate for him to be treating yalls family like this. PTSD acts very differently for many people, but if it is affecting his homelife, he NEEDS help.. 

to go past the not taking care of home thing, what does he like to do, if anything? does he let you and your kids participate in the things he likes? this is going to sound completely and totally retarded, but does he play any video games - most war games - like call of duty or army of two.. there is a study from walt reed medical center showing this helps a lot of ptsd patients.. 

before he became unemployed, did he help out? did he just get outta the military?


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## Jessie Girl (Jun 13, 2009)

He's been out for two years now. The games he mostly plays are internet games, Puzzle Pirates and Rune scape. 

And when he was working he very rarely helped out around the house. 

We sat down and had a very long talk last night, and he is getting with the VA tommorow to get us into counsuling and thinks that we can get over this and be happy again. 

But like every other time we have sat down and had talks like this, things are ok for a few days then right back to indiffrence.


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## ilvhearts (Jun 19, 2009)

I have been married 20 years and my H shows me very little affection. All he wants to do is watch movies. I am thinking about moving on. I cant write anymore it make me cry


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Jessie Girl,

Before when you had talks did it include going to counseling? If not and he steps up to go to counseling you need to give him time to work through his issues, to make himself happy with himself. This will allow him to be happy at home and rekindle with you. While he is doing this you need to make yourself happy as well. 

Unfortunatley things take time and it will be a rollercoaster ride for a while I imagine. I was in a funk and it was affecting me - although always help around the house - just pulling back. Didn't even realize I was doing it so when my wife finally got through to me I started down my path. Now she is angry with me for it taking so long to hear her, but I'm still moving forward improving myself for myself and for her. But things take time.

Just my thoughts.


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## MidwestDave (Jun 18, 2009)

Jessie Girl said:


> Hi,
> 
> I've been married 8 years now and have 4 wounderful children, Now it feels like my husband is more like a room mate instead of a husband. He's been unemployed since Jan and was recently diagnoised with PTSD but he's not on meds and wont get help.
> 
> ...


Hi Jessie, I am definitely not minimizing your situation because that can't be much fun. I used to have to do the same thing, but at least my wife was working second shift! 

Sometimes with emotional disorders or depression you aren't motivated to do anything, including getting help. Plus if he is unemployed he is probably even more beat down if he can't support his family. I am not sure of the details.

Anyway the sad reality is that sometimes even with your best intentions and efforts, people with PTSD, bipolar disorder, and severe depression can not BE helped, if they cannot admit or understand their own problem. Or they may be scared or embarrassed to get treatment. It can be a severe burden to bear, because unlike a physical problem, sometimes it seems like your spouse is lazy or abusive or unattentive when there is a legitimate underlying emotional problem.

I know this because my wife has an emotional problem, similar to bipolar, where she goes between bliss and uncontrollable rage over the course of a week. There is no way that is going to get better, because she can not admit there is a problem, she blames others outside herself (like me, her co-workers, kids, whoever). Do I walk away? Or keep my commitment?

I remember my first marriage at 8 years, that is when the going can really get tough. Kids, houses, jobs, lots and lots of stress. You guys must have something going, don't give up too easily! Good luck.


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## Jessie Girl (Jun 13, 2009)

Well it's back to the same old stuff again.

I came home from work for lunch today told my husband I am planning on going to the gym tonight with a friend, then I went back to work. 

When I got home at 2:30 none of the house work was done and he was laying in bed, his phone rang and he talked for a few min got out of bed and said he had to go give his friend a ride.

Now I am stuck with the kids no car and am supposed to be at the gym by 5, if he's not back by 4:30 I have to call my friend tell her I cant make it and then I don't even get my work out. Why is his friend so much more important then the plans I had already made.


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