# Need Support



## goodbyegirl

My husband is leaving in a few days and I am devastated. I just don't know how to get through the first days/weeks when he's gone. It's hard to look ahead when I can't see myself being happy for a very long time. I'm also extremely afraid that I will never be able to "get over" him. We separated once before for 6 months and it didn't get better at all for me. It still felt like the first day. I wonder when this pain in my stomach is going to end or when I can think about something else besides him or the things we've said/done with each other. It's just a constant flow of memories attacking me on all sides day in and day out. I need help.


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## Blanca

have you considered counseling? something i heard awhile ago is that you cant take something out of your life and heal without replacing it with something else.


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## preso

Other than counseling the things you can do to adjust to a new life are many...
first of all, you can redecorate your place... you can vounteer in any local place that has homeless to help in some area they need help...
also if possible, to look for a new home and move. There is also 
getting a part time job in the evenings, something low key and low profile, just to get you out of the house, maybe work at a ticket counter at the movie theatre... anything to just get out of the house in the evenings or whatever times you would spend time with your sig. other.
There is also the options ... according to your lifestyle and preferences of a new pet... volunteering at a local nursing home...
take up a new hobby that is all consuming to you, like knitting or whatever you like and have an interest in...
Maybe take classes on that subject of interest...

but all these ideas and things are something your going to have to do for yourself and no one is going to do them for you. Any of them is far better than sitting around crying and feeling sorry.


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## goodbyegirl

I already work 50 hours a week and I have a young daughter who needs me, of course. I have 2 pets already and I can barely pay my bills. None of that really helps the situation. I can't afford counseling and even if I WERE to try to get yet another job, it would be almost impossible. I live in a small town (population under 1000). There are no movie theaters, coffee shops, there isn't even a Wal-Mart! There are no homeless people here. There might be a volunteers place for animals, but I've never heard about it. I would welcome any of those things to take my mind off of what's going on, but I don't see too many options. If I were in a bigger place, there would be many.


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## Blanca

maybe you could look into finding a higher power to turn to? 

I could only imagine in a town that small that it would be hard to get your mind off things. i imagine your H is not leaving the town? that would be hard. my sister is going through something similar to you- her husband left her and she's still struggling with it. she became so enmeshed with him emotionally that she lost herself. and she has pretty severe abandonment issues; the split with her husband effects her a lot like a child losing their parent. its been about three years and she still struggles with it. but she is slowly finding herself and gaining some confidence in being independent. 

You obviously have some emotional things you'll have to work through. just keep trying to understand how you feel and eventually you will find some peace of mind again. there is so many resources online. its a slow process but as long as you keep your mind focused on what it is you really want (which takes some soul searching in itself) you'll find it.


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## preso

goodbyegirl said:


> I already work 50 hours a week and I have a young daughter who needs me, of course. I have 2 pets already and I can barely pay my bills. None of that really helps the situation. I can't afford counseling and even if I WERE to try to get yet another job, it would be almost impossible. I live in a small town (population under 1000). There are no movie theaters, coffee shops, there isn't even a Wal-Mart! There are no homeless people here. There might be a volunteers place for animals, but I've never heard about it. I would welcome any of those things to take my mind off of what's going on, but I don't see too many options. If I were in a bigger place, there would be many.


Then your problems are mostly work related and financial ?
sounds that way...

you can look into either moving to a bigger city with more opportunity or going back to school for education to get a better job.
Sounds like you should move... that would sure get your mind off any of the problems you currently have.


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## KeepLoveAlive

Moving would be a good idea to start fresh. One of the benefits to the down housing market is that rents have been going down too in many areas. Also many people are trying to rent house they can't sell, which would be great with 2 pets and a child.

Also, check in to some local organizations for some free counseling. Lutheran Social Services and Catholic Social Services often offer help and you don't have to be a member of either faith. Check the yellow pages in your community.

Call your friends and arrange some time together. If money is tight, invite a few over for game night. Everyone can bring a snack. And if they have kids, you have instant playmates.

Only you can choose how you are going to feel. Start filling your head with other things and soon you won't be so consumed with your ex. 

Nina


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## KeepLoveAlive

And, no, it is not going to be easy. It will take a lot of effort at first, but the more you do it, the less effort it takes. And soon you won't think about him at all.


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## gtull1

Seriously, you need a therapist asap. It's too much to deal with by yourself. I'm wishing you the best!


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