# Am I over reacting.......



## life and strife (Jan 22, 2013)

Hi all, I posted this in ladies lounge, and was advised to post here.


Hi guys, married less than a year, the week we got married saw my husbands texts, was looking at congrats messages.Saw some from one number a girl. I could tell by language used with lots of X's etc om it asked hubby casually, he said "a girl from work, I know her Boyfriend".
I thought this was wierd because we know all the same people, her phone number was not saved with a name. We both have friends of opposite sex but the point is I know all of them vice versa.

Anyway I monitored the situation, and I snooped if I am honest.Low and behold she breaks up with BF.She plays sympathy card "he called me fat etc", i.e looking for a compliment.

So he is still texting her this is five months later, he has still not saved her name to his phone.And all the texts are like secret little in jokes. He has become posessive of phone, and I can see some of her messages have been deleted, if has let me use his phone to make a call etc.

Also he has still not uttered this girls name and BTW she is also slagging off her ex boyfriend.
Surely if he was friends with him he would ask her to stop.

I cant see this to friends and feel like I have no one to turn to.

Am I reading way too much into this???

Thanks for input


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

life and strife said:


> Hi all, I posted this in ladies lounge, and was advised to post here.
> 
> 
> Hi guys, married less than a year, the week we got married saw my husbands texts, was looking at congrats messages.Saw some from one number a girl. I could tell by language used with lots of X's etc om it asked hubby casually, he said "a girl from work, I know her Boyfriend".
> ...


Guilty people have things to hide.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

life and strife said:


> Hi all, I posted this in ladies lounge, and was advised to post here.
> 
> 
> Hi guys, married less than a year, the week we got married saw my husbands texts, was looking at congrats messages.Saw some from one number a girl. I could tell by language used with lots of X's etc om it asked hubby casually, he said "a girl from work, I know her Boyfriend".
> ...


I don't think you're overreacting. I'd keep an eye on things. That's kind of a red flag. What else do you know about her? She actually works with him?


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## Yessongs72 (Dec 6, 2012)

life and strife said:


> he has still not saved her name to his phone...
> 
> ...and I can see some of her messages have been deleted, if has let me use his phone to make a call etc.


No name, just a number. My WW's POSOM is just a number on her phone.

Deleted texts - yes she deletes every text between them (even the mundane ones). Doesn't matter because i have hacked her phone.

These two things occur because there is an unnaceptable relationship going on. I suggest you have a similar problem. you are not 'reading way too much into this'


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

If you are part of the phone plan you can recover many texts.

No you are not over reacting. VAR the car. What about his email. Is she within easy screwing distance?

Ages? Kids?


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

For now, stop talking to your husband about this issue. You need him to think he is "getting away with it".

Then start seriously snooping. Voice Activated Recorder in the car, keylogger on his laptop(s), computer. Snooping software on his phone. 

Do not let anything slip if you hear or see anything until you have proof enough to convince yourself.

You may have caught this early enough before the relationship gets physical.

I didn't and now our 20 year marriage is over (my choice, not hers btw).

If you do find signs of infidelity and there are no children you might want to mentally prepare yourself for the next logical step...


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

So your married a year and from the very first week of marriage you have been snooping? Are you waiting for something to happen before you confront? Why not stop it a year ago?


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## life and strife (Jan 22, 2013)

richie33 said:


> So your married a year and from the very first week of marriage you have been snooping? Are you waiting for something to happen before you confront? Why not stop it a year ago?



Was not snooping initiallly Richie, was reading congrats Texts like I said.

This is the whole point of my post. I am unsure if I am over reacting (hence the title) and acting like a mad crazy woman, or if I have enough reason to confront him. which is why I am looking for advice......


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Tell him your uncomfortable with this relationship. Put your cards on the table. Let him know how you feel. Many here feel you should sit back and snoop, put voice recorders on his car,etc. I think you should confront. If it sounds like BS then go that route. Good luck to you.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

If she tells him her suspicions then he will take it underground if he is cheating and that is bad for all concerned.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

But maybe she confronts and ends it before it becomes something. Go with your gut feeling. Is there hours in the day he is not accountable for? Does he get late night calls or texts? If you say yes then snoop away. But at some point you have to call him out on this.
You love your husband and you are worried. Understandable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Did you verify it's a girl from work?

It's not hard to do if you know her name. Call his office and ask for her by name. If you don't know her name use reverse-lookup to see if her name comes up.

Oh, and you are not over-reacting at all. Has your H always been a flirty type guy or is he more the shy type?

It's worse if he is the shy type - not that being a flirt is good either, but it's more likely to be more difficult to break up a shy guys affair - and it is at the very least an EA.

A shy guy won't have many A, but they will be deep. A flirt won't be deep but will have more. JMO


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