# I'm desperate...



## Iamchanging

I've been here for a while but very afraid to post as I cheated on my husband, I know if I explain that we were separated at the time and he told me to get on with my life is like I'm justifying it. Believe me I've gone through all the self loathing I can, the remorse, the endless crying and the realisation of what have I done, is unbearable.. The PA happened once I ended it immediately and it was something that I allowed to happen because I failed as a wife and was a broken woman, that is all I can say about it. I will not excuse it, so please no judgement needed but I need help. My DH came back and forgave me we were doing okay. We should have kept the counselling up but we moved away from our support base and about a month ago he read a diary entry written 9mths ago talking about how this person told me I was his soul mate and how this man pursued me and my DH could not be bothered with me and called our marriage/relationship toxic. and that is all I wrote. anyhow it brought everything back up for DH and he left without a word and we only talk about arranging visits with children etc. I want my husband and our marriage, but he is not sure, he told me everytime he looks at me he sees images of me and the OM. He does not want me to contact him absolutely NOTHING. Can I say that it was NOT a passionate affair, we didnt even kiss and I was half dressed!, I know none of this matters, what I'm trying to say is that I hated my DH for leaving me and this man kept on calling me and at first offered me friendship to help me through and then he started to tell feed me crap I wanted and should have been hearing from my hubby, .Anyway, bottom line I did a foolish, terrible thing and have damanged my marriage and I knw what it feels like bc my DH did it to me early in our marriage, only once too. I'm justifying i think. , I just want to know how can I get him back, . I stuffed up but I cant give up on our marriage even if he has. I have also posted on coping with infidelity.


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## Ello1012

Iamchanging said:


> I've been here for a while but very afraid to post as I cheated on my husband, I know if I explain that we were separated at the time and he told me to get on with my life is like I'm justifying it. Believe me I've gone through all the self loathing I can, the remorse, the endless crying and the realisation of what have I done, is unbearable.. The PA happened once I ended it immediately and it was something that I allowed to happen because I failed as a wife and was a broken woman, that is all I can say about it. I will not excuse it, so please no judgement needed but I need help. My DH came back and forgave me we were doing okay. We should have kept the counselling up but we moved away from our support base and about a month ago he read a diary entry written 9mths ago talking about how this person told me I was his soul mate and how this man pursued me and my DH could not be bothered with me and called our marriage/relationship toxic. and that is all I wrote. anyhow it brought everything back up for DH and he left without a word and we only talk about arranging visits with children etc. I want my husband and our marriage, but he is not sure, he told me everytime he looks at me he sees images of me and the OM. He does not want me to contact him absolutely NOTHING. Can I say that it was NOT a passionate affair, we didnt even kiss and I was half dressed!, I know none of this matters, what I'm trying to say is that I hated my DH for leaving me and this man kept on calling me and at first offered me friendship to help me through and then he started to tell feed me crap I wanted and should have been hearing from my hubby, .Anyway, bottom line I did a foolish, terrible thing and have damanged my marriage and I knw what it feels like bc my DH did it to me early in our marriage, only once too. I'm justifying i think. , I just want to know how can I get him back, . I stuffed up but I cant give up on our marriage even if he has. I have also posted on coping with infidelity.


Umm very interesting... you see, in my religion of peace (Islam) A marital conteract is already void/ broken once one of the spouses had an affair first. So who ever had an affair first already broke your marital contract which really means you are/ were really not married any more since the 1st spouse who had the affair did it while in marriage. meaniong the other spouse who is a victim of the act that happened in marriage is free to remary once again and try to cope with the things that has happened to them in the best way God willing. Good to live a good pious life God willing yah klol...peace yall god willingklol..peace!Lol:!)


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## Iamchanging

Thank you for your respond. In my belief a marriage is a covenant that is only ends in death. We can violate this contract but in the sight of God its binding until death do you part. My religion is a religion of peace and mercy and compassion. It is us who fail to understand the greatness of a God such as this but He is always patient in allowing us to understand His teachings and instructions for our benefit to receive blessing. I know see this. Should my covenant husband not return to me, in the eyes of God our marriage is still binding and three cord is NOT easily broken, however I can't make him come back this is between Him and God.


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## Overseer

Hi,

just pray.
Look at this prayer and say it everyday many times.
It helped me to get my wife back, I believe it will also help to you.

A Prayer For My Marriage

Dear Lord I pray again to you today.
To heal my marriage in your way.
To give me strength to stay the course.
Lord I don't want my marriage to end in divorce.
I want my child to has both of us. 
To know you as the person to trust.
Help us both to see.
That this is something you meant to be.
What you have joined together let no one put asunder.
Break the bondage that Satan has put us under.
I believe in your word and trust what it says.
Lord I cry out to you, I lift up my hands.
Lord start the change in me.
Let my husband see You and your love through me.
Help us to forgive and move past all the pain.
Help us to love each other again.
He is flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone.
Dear Lord help my husband come home.
I know through you is the only way.
Lord I pray this again today.

by Berthinia Brown


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## Iamchanging

Overseer said:


> Hi,
> 
> just pray.
> Look at this prayer and say it everyday many times.
> It helped me to get my wife back, I believe it will also help to you.
> 
> A Prayer For My Marriage
> 
> Dear Lord I pray again to you today.
> To heal my marriage in your way.
> To give me strength to stay the course.
> Lord I don't want my marriage to end in divorce.
> I want my child to has both of us.
> To know you as the person to trust.
> Help us both to see.
> That this is something you meant to be.
> What you have joined together let no one put asunder.
> Break the bondage that Satan has put us under.
> I believe in your word and trust what it says.
> Lord I cry out to you, I lift up my hands.
> Lord start the change in me.
> Let my husband see You and your love through me.
> Help us to forgive and move past all the pain.
> Help us to love each other again.
> He is flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone.
> Dear Lord help my husband come home.
> I know through you is the only way.
> Lord I pray this again today.
> 
> by Berthinia Brown



Thank you so much for this prayer. I have a few prayers I pray daily...My marriage has been on shaky ground for some time...I only just discovered/realised he has been depressed for some time so I have a lot stacked against our marriage. He is finally receiving some help and have only just barely started to talk , but only about children...He let me know today though, that he cant live with me. He just cant live with me...i didnt argue the point at all, I just said, its okay, i know...(it was very difficult) and said that I need to change and change takes time, I wish it was now but it isnt and basically took all the blame...only bc his depression wont let him see the truth, so i guess by agreeing with him takes away the fight and he may reconsider his words...thanks again.


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## Overseer

Eat, pray and love him 
Be patient and everything will be fine. 
Time heals.

Also you can make some changes about your appearance: get fit, new hair-style, etc, you know what I mean 

Godspeed


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## Jellybeans

if he wants out, you need to let him go. Don't beg him.
It sounds like he cheated on you early in the marriage, and more recently, left you, saying he was done with your relationship.

No, it wasn't right what you did but in this case, he left you--he abandoned you. And now he wants to hold you to a different standard when he was cheating on you right into your marriage.

You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. You deserve to be with someone who is willing to put forth the same effort into your relationship and not walk out on you.


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## Overseer

I agree - don't beg him.

But always keep in mind:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ...


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## Iamchanging

thank you for your advise..I do have to let him go. I'm trying to work on myself, I'm trying to rise above the feelings I have of terrible sadness as I should have known better. I tend to beat myself up a lot too so I'm learning to be kinder. I'm moving back to my dads as atm we are 4hrs away from my family and friends, so this has made it extra hard to deal with. thank you again.


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