# Is anything wrong with oral sex?



## funmy (Dec 5, 2013)

Am married but my libido is high,I told my wife about oral sex,let me lick her but she said no that if she consent she would be forced to do same to me that she doesn't like it,bit I like it even if she doesn't reciprocate back. Then is any thing wrong with oral sex?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Are you asking how to get your wife to allow you to gown on her?
Are you asking how to get your wife to go down on you?

If your real question is "is there anything wrong with oral sex?" 

The answer would be, Nope!


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

A better question would be to your wife and what she feels is wrong about oral sex. What is it that she does not like or fears about it? Have you had a deep conversation about how she feels about it and how you feel about it?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

There's no right and no wrong when it comes to what happens between two consenting adults.

As in all things, communication is key. Ask your W why she doesn't like it.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Ahhh....there are really two questions being posed here.


1) Is there anything wrong with oral sex?

No, there isn't.

2) Will you ever get your wife to enjoy it?

Not likely. Sorry to be the downer here but it will be hard to overcome her inclinations. They are probably deeply seated and hard to overcome. However it is worth a try - if only to open the gates of communication.

You also need to quickly discern if this is a deal breaker for you.

I wish you luck.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Funmy - you say you are married so I'm making the assumption that you have been together for what? Two + years?

If she hasn't let you go down on her and she hasn't gone down on you, its unlikely either of you will (on each other). However its more likely she will let you go down on her but she won't reciprocate.

Anything wrong with oral? You bet there is; I'm not getting any!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, there is nothing wrong with it but it appears your wife does not want you to do it to her or her to you.

That sucks.

Sorry.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, there is nothing wrong with it but it appears your wife does not want you to do it to her or her to you.

That sucks.

Sorry.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I have to disagree with the assumption that sexual behavior is unchangable. If you have the guts to make it an open issue for discussion, if you have the ability to seek understanding, you have the opportunity to change just about anything. A persons comfort level with oral sex can be changed.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> I have to disagree with the assumption that sexual behavior is unchangable. If you have the guts to make it an open issue for discussion, if you have the ability to seek understanding, you have the opportunity to change just about anything. A persons comfort level with oral sex can be changed.


Not unless they want it to change. He can discuss it all he wants but ultimately it's up to her whether she wants to go that route or not. He cannot "change" her comfort level.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Give it a shot, but don't hold your breath.

You'll get to do this when your wife feels motivated enough to change her inclination. There's no way of telling how much work you'll have to go through to get her motivated, and it might not be possible.

People don't change their likes and dislikes easily, regardless of the rationality of any argument you can make for or against. 

If her dislike is at the "meh" level, you might have some wiggle room once you help her understand how important it is to you. If her dislike is at the disgust level, like my wife's, you cannot win, even if you get what you want. So it all depends.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

There is nothing wrong with oral sex. However, there may be something wrong with your wife.

Are there cultural, religious, or past experience issues that could influence her attitude? Without something to go on, it's hard to recommend any way to change things. Did you have sex before marriage? If so, did you know this, and if so, why didn't you address it before marriage?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Cletus said:


> Give it a shot, but don't hold your breath.
> 
> People don't change their likes and dislikes easily, regardless of the rationality of any argument you can make for or against.


:iagree:

I think that some men/women are simply "just not that into it."

(And I would never want to date/marry one of those). Hee.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I suppose I'm an outlier.

At 51, I have an awesome sex life. The kind of sex life I couldn't even imagine having at 25-30 years of age. By the time I hit 35 I started to notice two things. One, sex is very important to a persons relative happiness. Two, I was unhappy AND had a lousy sex life. I believe the two are only correlational, and I believed that I, me personally, had to take any and all steps necessary to achieve both. It's been a long road but well worth all the tears, fights, and arguments. Mr. Pink has an awesome wife!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Mr. Pink has an awesome wife!


No doubt he does, and yes, if the statistics are to be believed, you are an outlier. As the proof that this can happen, I'm glad you post your experiences here. As a role model, one probably couldn't do much better. As a reflection of the reality most of us will find ourselves in over the course of a marriage? Maybe not so much.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

funmy said:


> Am married but my libido is high,I told my wife about oral sex,let me lick her but she said no that if she consent she would be forced to do same to me that she doesn't like it,bit I like it even if she doesn't reciprocate back. Then is any thing wrong with oral sex?


I'm going to guess that you are both young and come from a strictly conservative religious and/or cultural background?

If so, you _may_ make some progress if you can find a spiritual advisor or culturally relevant book that addresses your wife's concerns. 

If she's enjoying sex and regularly orgasming, you may have better luck introducing new and different ways of enjoying that together. But if not, it will be much harder to convince her to try something she thinks is gross or taboo, since she would have no reason to suspect there would be any upside to it for her. So, does your wife enjoy sex? Is she having orgasms?


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Anon Pink said:


> I suppose I'm an outlier.
> 
> At 51, I have an awesome sex life. The kind of sex life I couldn't even imagine having at 25-30 years of age. By the time I hit 35 I started to notice two things. One, sex is very important to a persons relative happiness. Two, I was unhappy AND had a lousy sex life. I believe the two are only correlational, and I believed that I, me personally, had to take any and all steps necessary to achieve both. It's been a long road but well worth all the tears, fights, and arguments. Mr. Pink has an awesome wife!


I read somewhere that the sexual marriage bed should be treated alot like a journey. There are some up hill parts that require work. ( Some look at that hill and give up saying its too high or its too much work to climb that). Others trudge up the hill *****ing and moaning but when they get there they see a beautiful view and say its worth the trip. Sometimes you get to the top and find that around the corner it goes up again. Some climb and others stay at that level. I find there are times of steep climbs and times of nice glides like a bike on a down hill slope. In my life there are a lot of hills and valleys in our sex life but the sex my wife and I share is a gift to each other. Just like our kids they are a product of our love and we will be rewarded on the work and attention we give it. I am blessed with a wife that has put up with my crazy views of sex and what I think it should be and other the other hand I try to understand what her views of sex is and what she feels it should be. Neither is wrong but quite often totally different.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

As others have said you need to find out where the hangup is. I was in a realtionship with a woman before who wouldnt let me for a long time (its something i love to do and never cared for a return favor), but she kept putting me off till i asked her in a real casula open way. I found out that her ex bf made crude comments to her about doing that with her and it messed her up mentally from that point on. After talking it thru one night i just casually told her it give it a try with no judgement. After i complimented her on what i felt doing it etc she really let her guard down and overcame it. Not every person has same issues but hopefully you can unlock the door to her hangup and enjoy it. Best of luck.


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## hubby59 (Nov 22, 2013)

askari said:


> Funmy - you say you are married so I'm making the assumption that you have been together for what? Two + years?
> 
> If she hasn't let you go down on her and she hasn't gone down on you, its unlikely either of you will (on each other). However its more likely she will let you go down on her but she won't reciprocate.
> 
> Anything wrong with oral? You bet there is; I'm not getting any!


I dunno. My spouse and I didn't do oral sex the first few years of our marriage. Then I went down on her one night and then she on me and now it's a regular part of our sex life. She gets crazy (in a good way) when I do it.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Cletus said:


> No doubt he does, and yes, if the statistics are to be believed, you are an outlier. As the proof that this can happen, I'm glad you post your experiences here. As a role model, one probably couldn't do much better. As a reflection of the reality most of us will find ourselves in over the course of a marriage? Maybe not so much.


I could not have said it better. AP is the bomb!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

well if oral is wrong.....i don't wanna be right


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I hated it til DH.Now I have to have it.

It's all about trust,comfort,confidence,and willingness to let your guard down.It also helps to have a partner who goes slow and pays attention to your body language while he's down there.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I hated it til DH.Now I have to have it.
> 
> It's all about trust,comfort,confidence,and willingness to let your guard down.It also helps to have a partner who goes slow and pays attention to your body language while he's down there.


It always helps us when we are down there to get some good feed back from above. When my wife arches her back and starts to twitch a little I know I am finding the right spot.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

The twitch irritates me.If I'm jerking like I'm having a seizure that means it's time to ease up on the clit pressure.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> The twitch irritates me.If I'm jerking like I'm having a seizure that means it's time to ease up on the clit pressure.


I have learned that but a twitch here and there is not a bad thing for my wife. I use to continue when she twitched now its more like one and done for a while. I avoid trying to be goal oriented like us males tend to be. LOL


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## canbhappy2 (Dec 5, 2013)

Sorry to say that it's unlikely this will change for you. I've been waiting 10+ years for my husband to do this to me. He did a few times before that, but it was always because I asked, not because he wanted. Irony is, he has no problem with me doing this to him. Not fun when it's one-sided...


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

canbhappy2 said:


> Sorry to say that it's unlikely this will change for you. I've been waiting 10+ years for my husband to do this to me. He did a few times before that, but it was always because I asked, not because he wanted. Irony is, he has no problem with me doing this to him. Not fun when it's one-sided...


That's my problem sort of. My wife lives giving me oral. But wont let me go down on her because feels that area is too dirty, and doesn't want my face down there for reasons she is not entirely aware of herself. There are occasions that in the heat of hot sex I can get her to let me go down on her. But those are few and far between. And yes, she does enjoy it. Just can't seem to relax enough. 

If it makes you feel any better. My pastor calls sex left overs. You start with everything possible, take away what she does not feel comfortable doing and what you don't feel comfortable doing. What you can do is what's leftover.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I can kind of understand indifference to it (although I love it) however how do people get to outright disgust at the idea. It appears most I hear about who feel this way have never even given it a fair try.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

A sex therapist I heard speaking once said most who don't like it do so because they feel it is a demeaning position to be in, and by performing oral for their partner they give up control. Quite the opposite though is true. The one going down has all the control and dictates what happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I can kind of understand indifference to it (although I love it) however how do people get to outright disgust at the idea. It appears most I hear about who feel this way have never even given it a fair try.


Think of something that you find absolutely disgusting.

Now how many times do you think you'd have to do it before you convinced yourself that yeah, it really is disgusting? For most of us, the answer is zero.

Personal preferences can be funny that way.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

funmy said:


> Am married but my libido is high,I told my wife about oral sex,let me lick her but she said no that if she consent she would be forced to do same to me that she doesn't like it,bit I like it even if she doesn't reciprocate back. Then is any thing wrong with oral sex?


Get the book "Sheet Music" by Kevin Leman and read it together.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Think of something that you find absolutely disgusting.
> 
> Now how many times do you think you'd have to do it before you convinced yourself that yeah, it really is disgusting? For most of us, the answer is zero.
> 
> Personal preferences can be funny that way.


When I first tasted it I thought beer was disgusting. Over time I grew to love it.


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