# Cheating Wife Still Works with OM



## kit_crazy (Dec 18, 2010)

I live in Australia and this is my first time on this site.

About 3 months ago I found out that my wife was having an affair with her boss. She is a Primary School Teacher and he is the Principal. The relationship had developed over a 9 month period. My wife has clinical depression and can be anxious and have a low self esteem. He boosted her confidence but when she tried to end it with him he kept on harrassing her. This harrassment was so bad it was why she told me about the affair as she didn't know what to do, he was so obsessive.

From this her depression worsend and she did not return to school for the last Term of 2010.

I did not want her to return to work with this guy.

She has arranged to go back to work in the New Year and has been attending school in the last few weeks just to sort out next year.

She feels that she needs to go back to prove that she is over him.

I have recently read her diary, which is something I never would have done, but my level of trust is low. In it she has written how she misses him and how he made her feel and that she thinks about him often.

She recently told me that he confronted her at school to talk about them and whether they had a future. She told him that they were done, but I don't think he is going to leave her alone. My fear is that he will slowly weasel his way back into her life.

I just done want him in her life at all.

I don't want to demand that she doesn't work with him anymore as I feel this may just drive her away from me.

Any suggestions for getting rid of him from the school?

Or any suggestions as to what I should do? I don't want to let her know I read her diary although this is the only way I would know some of these feelings she has so I can't bring it up with her.

Feeling lousy.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Discreetly talk with the school superintendent of your school district. Talk to a lawyer as well abot sexual harassment suit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kit_crazy (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it.

When the sh#t hit the fan a couple of months ago I did speak to a rep at the Board of Education but there was nothing they could do about two staff members having a relationship, even though both are married. To them it was more a moral issue.

However, the Board of Ed were concerned that he was continually emailing and calling her when she ended the relationship and suggested we send him a very formal email (which we did) explaining that no contact other than on a professional level would be tolerated and he would be reported. This immediately stopped all the calls and emails. But I don't think it will stop him when she is back at work. 

I also fear that she will not see his weaselling back into her life as sexual harrassment as she believes her feelings for him were true (at the time). This I know from her diary. Again I can't bring these things up without revealing I've read her diary.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I would confront OM on this one, let him know if THEY continue to see each other that you will inform the Super. Let him know that you have discussed this with your wife and she aggreed and you need the same commitment from him. Remember its not an individual thing( not just attacking him), only that you will not tolorate the affair to continue, and if it does you will inform the scholl district that this behavior is not in the best interest for your family and the district. 

Keep this discusion on a business like tone. If the OM refuses to discuss this matter, then again you will need to get your wife involved. You might need her to call then hand the phone over to you. 

Are you aware of the OM marraige or GF status, This is also another avenue to were you can approach this issue. At the very least you can inform OM that you will expose this affair to his parent, family, friends, and everyone if the affair continues. 

It is important that the OM is informed that you and your wife are working things out. And that the both of you are still in love. You will respect his privacy as long as he respects your marriage. In addition if your wife continues this affair and tries to be with him, there will be consequence for both you and her.


Remember your wife is missing something from this marraige, so give her no reason to go back to this man. Be the better man and treat your wife like a women and not a spouse. The OM was!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry, 6 minutes ago I was still typing, looks like you got it handled.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I've seen this come up often, and I always wondered about it... The spouse that's been cheated on often has serious resentment/anger/issues with the person their spouse cheated with... The OM or OW (the Other Person or OP from now on?). Shouldn't their issues be directed to their spouse, rather than the OP? 

It seems like it could be handled clearly... If the OP contacts your wife in any way that's not professionally required, an quick reminder e-mail could be sent, including a warning that any further contact will be CC'd to the Board of Ed. Or even CC the Board of Ed on the first letter, depending on how you feel. If you're concerned about her being honest, ask for the passwords to her e-mail (work and home) and her phone account. I'd approach this subject carefully, and don't make it an issue of trusting her, but of not trusting him.

Another option is for her to get a job somewhere else. A different school? Another career? Whatever. It might be her chosing her marriage or this job...

If you're that concerned that she's going to go back and continue the affair, then maybe the issues that caused the affair haven't been resolved?

C


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Your wife needs to be the one addressed by you AND the one to address her boss. Unless she personally makes a report about his behavior, it will be worthless for a harassment case. You would just look like a jealous husband making a mountain out of a molehill.

Also, if she cannot or will not stop contact with him EXCEPT for "open door, other people in the room" contact, then she does not *want* to get over him, You are treating her like some helpless child who is too naive to know what is going on. You need to tell her you read her diary--absolutely; you broke her trust and she deserves to know. 'Fess up and tell her your concerns. She either chooses you over him and she sets a firm firm line with him--she should write an email, copied to you and perhaps the person on the Board you spoke with, indicating that she will not participate in closed-door or private meetings, and then she must be the one to enforce it. 

You keep suggesting he will be at fault for weasling his way back into her life, if that is what happens. But your wife is the one in charge of her feelings--not you, not him. Until you get this clear, you are just kidding yourself about everything else. No one is responsible for the break off of your marriage but the two of you, if that is the way it goes. So resolve it together. Be honest. And if you don't trust her, you don't trust her. But trying to handle this by approaching the other man is neither sensible nor adult.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

She needs your help. You need to take charge- this is your marriage your family and your woman - this creep does not get free rain to ruin your lives on a whim. I would man-up talk to him tell him what's what, send letter with copies of his communications to his wife recounting his problem and make it clear to your wife that if she is with you then any contact from him is unwanted and therefore is sexual harassment. If she can not see that then, you have more work to do to secure your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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