# Competition with his mom?



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

So, today, I get told that since I was taking out to the movies, it was only fair that DH take his mom out to bingo. I feel like Im in a competition with her. Every time plans are made, he has to okay them with her first, make sure its what SHE wants. I enjoyed our little outing to the movies, but I had no idea it was gonna be used against me. DH said taking me to the movies is why the car didn't get serviced, he spent more then he thought he was going too, yet, he's sitting on $100 to take his mom to bingo. I dont know what to do. Ive tried talking to him about it, he just gets mad. Some times I feel like he's married to his mom instead of me. Parts of me just wants to give up, and move on with my life. Do better for my child, another part of me says to suck it up and keep going. I've been fighting for 5 years. When is enough, enough? Do I keep fighting, or pack up and move on?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

i think there is a dynamic of dysfunction between you two; he is certainly highly dysfunctional but I think you have some serious issues of your own. If you leave him, just recognize that you arent leaving behind the problem. It is both of you. but im sure you recognize that. we know his issues. they stick out like a sore thumb. But what are your issues? (rhetorical. im not asking you to answer that if you dont want to. just for you to think about.) Im sure your issues are equally, if oppositely, as dysfunctional. Its more important that you clearly identify your issues, own them, and change your behavior. And granted there are certain behaviors that you cant change while living in dysfunction. Sometimes leaving is the change in the right direction. But there are many behaviors that you can change that do not require leaving. those are the ones you have to sort out, recognize, own up to, and change so that if you do leave you dont find the same nut with a different shell. You attract what you are.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Read Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend and learn how to stop this.


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