# Dealbreakers?



## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

I saw where one poster said that because the guy chewed tobacco, it was a dealbreaker to any sort of relationship. (I get ya)

Dealbreakers are _personal_ after all. It’s up to _you_ what you can and cannot accept in a potential partner.

One of mine, now that I’m thinking about it, is them not having any decent sense of humor. It’s really disappointing to me. I can’t do serious 24/7. It’s a bore.

Also, people that don’t like dogs. 😖

What are yours?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Deal breaker...infidelity.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

I think I put this in the wrong forum. 😯 

I mean dealbreakers as in potential mates, but dealbreakers in marriage yes, they exist. 

Infidelity definitely being one of them.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

A potential mate? If the individual actively cheated in a previous relationship it would be a deal breaker. For me it is like buying a used car where the Carfax report shows numerous issues.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

^ yes, for sure.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

There are too many to list! A few of them might actually be desirable traits for other people.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Married but Happy said:


> There are too many to list! A few of them might actually be desirable traits for other people.


That’s true. One person’s ‘trash’ is another person’s ‘treasure’ - for lack of better terminology atm.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lack of affection which includes not wanting sex with me. Infidelity, being abusive for too long or repeating patterns of abuse. She also has to be Christian because that's what I am.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Meek guys. Inhibited guys. Straight laced ‘no room for fun‘ guys.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Heavy drinkers or drug addicts. Not talking about a wee bit of marijuana sometimes. All other drugs - NO. Social drinking is fine, but no alcoholics. Been there too many times with them.

I would also like them to believe in God, although I’m not exactly a holy roller.

I almost forgot the most important one for me these days! I would like them to believe politically the same as me. If not, there’s only going to be arguments.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I think there is a difference between things I prefer not to have and things I refuse to tolerate. The older I get the less tolerant I am.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

No tattoos allowed.
No hang ups about sex.
That’s it really.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> No tattoos allowed.
> No hang ups about sex.
> That’s it really.


WOW!

We know about your feelings on tattoos, ahem, yep!

You must be a real tolerant feller, yes, umm.

So many people, so many faults.

I would agree with your nay-no list with respect to casual friends, distant relatives, et cetera.
I am very tolerant of most others, as long as they are not in your face.

Maybe this view with (few) night stands, a temporary lover.

Not so, with LTR lovers and spouses.

Your list is too brief.

Too brief, those that would be acceptable is too brief.

That brief pair would bunch up my nuts.
Ouch!

Uh, no.


_TT-_


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> WOW!
> 
> We know about your feelings on tattoos, ahem, yep!
> 
> ...


Well obviously she has to be gorgeous, sexy and with a great figure but I thought that went without saying. 
Maybe the question would be better if it was “what isn’t a deal breaker for you that would be for someone else”.
One thing I’ve noticed on tam is a preoccupation with a possible partners past, especially their sexual history. This wouldn’t bother me at all as long as there’s no underlying health issues. 
I try not to be hypocritical don’t ya know. 😁


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I have an army in my head. Our likes and list would easily find a home in the Smithsonian Museum.

Luckily, we have a few bullies here who will set forth the rules. The other cowards will cow-tail it and run.

Life should be so easy.

_
THRD-_


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

C.C. says ... said:


> I saw where one poster said that because the guy chewed tobacco, it was a dealbreaker to any sort of relationship. (I get ya)
> 
> Dealbreakers are _personal_ after all. It’s up to _you_ what you can and cannot accept in a potential partner.
> 
> ...


Had a ton, no tattoos, no piercings, modest, not a party girl, good boundaries, spiritually compatible, values compatible, not a smoker, not a big drinker, doesn't do drugs.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Seriously, it's an almost infinite list for me. There's no limit to the things a person could do where I'd think, we can not be in a life-long committed monogamous relationship. (If that's what the question was). It's like asking me, what could be bad about a hotel? Or a resraurant? Only even more so.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Laurentium said:


> Seriously, it's an almost infinite list for me. There's no limit to the things a person could do where I'd think, we can not be in a *life-long committed monogamous relationship*. (If that's what the question was). It's like asking me, what could be bad about a hotel? Or a resraurant? Only even more so.


Obviously, I can't be in a life long relationship with anybody. Now a committed monogamous relationship for a long term (5-20 years) That I've done. I think I could live happily with most people for up to 6 weeks. SO . . . .
Don't mingle finances with an addict.
Don't mingle romantically with an abuser.
Don't have sex with crazy. 
I'm too old for children.
That's a good enough start.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Obviously, I can't be in a life long relationship with anybody. Now a committed monogamous relationship for a long term (5-20 years) That I've done. I think I could live happily with most people for up to 6 weeks. SO . . . .
> Don't mingle finances with an addict.
> Don't mingle romantically with an abuser.
> Don't have sex with crazy.
> ...


You just reminded me of something. I have a brother who’s sixteen years older than me, career military, rock of sense type of guy. Married his childhood sweetheart and thirty four years later their still together and basically inseparable. 
People have mentioned to me that he must have been a great source of advice when I was growing up. 
The only piece of advice he ever gave me was “Don’t stick your **** in crazy”.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> You just reminded me of something. I have a brother who’s sixteen years older than me, career military, rock of sense type of guy. Married his childhood sweetheart and thirty four years later their still together and basically inseparable.
> People have mentioned to me that he must have been a great source of advice when I was growing up.
> The only piece of advice he ever gave me was “Don’t stick your **** in crazy”.


Well, he wasn't wrong.

Being female, I've actually found the complimentary sentiment for ladies, "don't **** crazy," to be immeasurably good advice. 

Basically, _everyone_ should stay away from crazy. Yet...so few actually do...😐


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Rowan said:


> Well, he wasn't wrong.
> 
> Being female, I've actually found the complimentary sentiment for ladies, "don't **** crazy," to be immeasurably good advice.
> 
> Basically, _everyone_ should stay away from crazy. Yet...so few actually do...😐


I have my own version. 
Don’t put a ring on crazy!


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

• If he doesn’t know the basic handyman things. Like if he doesn’t know the difference between a phillips or flat head screwdriver. **** like that. 

I don’t know why that bothers me so much. I think it’s because it takes points away from his man card or something. Plus, I knew a few guys like this and it was a red flag to their lack of brain power in general.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> You just reminded me of something. I have a brother who’s sixteen years older than me, career military, rock of sense type of guy. Married his childhood sweetheart and thirty four years later their still together and basically inseparable.
> People have mentioned to me that he must have been a great source of advice when I was growing up.
> The only piece of advice he ever gave me was “Don’t stick your **** in crazy”.


But crazy is so exciting! 

Also, if she's prone to poor decision making, I've got a chance since I'm a poor decision.  

Wait, what?


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Regarding crazy. ... gimme gimme. I love me some crazy. At least for sex. I find a crazy guy passionate and otherworldly in the ticking the right boxes department. Of course, that probably says more about me than it does them.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I didn't actually contribute constructively. Political polarization is the one thing that will eventually reduce my Facebook friends by half if it doesn't get any better so anyone drinking their political party's koolaid is going to be a hard no from me. I probably won't date a smoker though that issue hasn't come up yet. Physically, I think a foot of height and a factor of 2 for weight is kind of the limit of reasonable so 4'5" - 6'4" and 70-280 ish is probably the range I would consider. I grew up in a home with some drinking and drug problems and I'm not going to deal with that as an independent adult. If they talk about how "men are all the same", it will be a hard no again.

There's a bit of a hobby and interest compatibility deal breaker that is hard to express. If talking about my interests gets eye rolls and complaints or if I'm expected to spend all my free time doing hobbies of theirs that I'm not really interested in, that would be a problem.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My dealbreakers are pretty standard, I suppose:
Active addiction of any kind
Mental illness
Personality disorder
History of infidelity
Abuse of any type
Dishonesty
Evangelism, either religious or political

And, as odd as it sounds, I just can't wrap my head around a relationship with a man who's never owned a truck (or truck-like vehicle such as a Jeep, etc.) of any kind. No idea why, but there it is.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Hiner112 said:


> There's a bit of a hobby and interest compatibility deal breaker that is hard to express. If talking about my interests gets eye rolls and complaints or if I'm expected to spend all my free time doing hobbies of theirs that I'm not really interested in, that would be a problem.


Very true. 

Selfish people! The ones whose eyes glaze over if you say one thing about yourself or your day but they expect you to listen to every single detail of theirs.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

We could have a whole thread on "truck-like vehicle"


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I dated a girl pre M, and we were steady a while, that:
Worked at a restaurant, I ate virtually free.
She lived on the river.
Her parents owned a bait and tackle store, convenient store, on the river, free fishing, beer, etc.
She loved to ride on the back of my motorcycle. 
Was already out of college. 
Was great in bed, or anywhere we were.

I can't think of any overwhelming deal breakers. Everything was included in this package deal. Was great.

But, time marched on. We didn't stay together. She wanted to get M, I didn't, after my graduation I ended up moving to different state to begin my career. 

She was great in so many ways but I just couldn't see myself with her in a forever relationship.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

1. Religious/spiritual is negotiable
2. Infidelity
3. Different political views
4. Racist
5. No sense of humor
6. Can't argue civilly/can't keep up with me when arguing
7. Treat others, especially those in the service industry, poorly
8. Fiscally irresponsible
9. Listens to country music. Sorry. I just can't do it.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

There are so many:

1. Smoker
2. Uses slang all the time
3. Cannot hold a conversation 
4. Has phone in her hand 24/7
5. Boring in bed
6. Any colored hair that isn't a color found in nature
7. Someone who doesn't read, either for pleasure or for knowledge 
8. And Blondes


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rowan said:


> Well, he wasn't wrong.
> 
> Being female, I've actually found the complimentary sentiment for ladies, "don't **** crazy," to be immeasurably good advice.
> 
> Basically, _everyone_ should stay away from crazy. Yet...so few actually do...😐


Sure, of course, in the normal course of dating.

Crazy can be hidden, can be a later happening, though that is rare.

When not sure, wait _it_ out.
_It_, being any serious commitment, certainly marriage.

We all know and can admit, crazy is fun, until it isn't.

Never marry someone who is the recipient of the benefit, that is doubt.


_The Typist-_


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I have a lot. To list some...
Smoking, drugs, drinks too much, really overweight, uneducated, bad job, plays too many video games, has a history of cheating, history or active porn addiction, no sense of humor, no hobbies, ED, doesn’t like to give oral sex.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

SunCMars said:


> We all know and can admit, crazy is fun, until it isn't.


That’s it right there. 💥


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Outside regular compatibility issues the big deal breaker for me would be if the guy raised his voice at me. Coming out of quarter century verbally abusive marriage I say “never again”...


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> Outside regular compatibility issues the big deal breaker for me would be if the guy raised his voice at me. Coming out of quarter century verbally abusive marriage I say “never again”...


This is one I didn’t think of until you mentioned it. I don’t do violence well either. Shell shocked from past experiences. I don’t mind if they scream so much but if they dare to put a hand on me or get out of control to where that old familiar fear is gripping me, yea. Total dealbreaker.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

On yelling.....

It is wrong.

Sometimes yelling is the last straw. People use this as a pressure relief valve.
Maybe, an alarm. Stop pushing me! And, my buttons.

If the yelling is over any little thing and a bad habit then it must cease. It has become a very bad response.

Alcohol releases the yell response. 
Bad, this.

One's normal and kind patience can be broken down by purposeful jabbing by others.
Children are good at poking other children. Some adults never outgrow this tendency to push others past their limit.

Not making excuses for poor behavior of those doing the yelling.
I lived with yellers.

None, was "Old Yeller'!  
Nope.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> On yelling.....
> 
> It is wrong.
> 
> ...


Nope, not for me. It might work for some, but after 25 years I have learnt that this does not work for me.


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## TomNebraska (Jun 14, 2016)

I feel like other than extreme/destructive personal behavior (drug/alcohol addiction, mental instability, financial recklessness), or sexual infidelity I don't have any interesting dealbreakers.

I can accept a lot of things, and I think different looking women can be attractive for different reasons, although if she's overweight because she doesn't exercise or take care of herself, that's a dealbreaker.

I guess "unusual" dealbreakers for me would be:

ugly tattoos, or tattoos on the thighs, lower legs, stomach/chest, neck, lower back
facial piercings (except on the side of the nose, which is okay)
general lack of neatness - either personal or in her living space



WandaJ said:


> Nope, not for me. It might work for some, but after 25 years I have learnt that this does not work for me.


I feel you. I kinda struggle with accepting fights and minor arguments in my current relationship, which is generally happy and wonderful... once bitten, twice shy.

But I remind myself that abuse is a recurring pattern, and there's always an adjustment period while two people learn eachother's boundaries... if she gets upset over something stupid (for example, I didn't return her call promptly, like within an hour - and she missed an opportunity to do something else while waiting for my response), but she later apologizes for getting so upset over it... this isn't abuse. If it becomes her M.O. ... yelling/getting angry with me over things she could simply handle differently... then, I suppose yes.

Same thing with trust... she might say one thing and do another, and I worry that it's a red flag. But if she can explain it, and her explanation holds water... I can abide that. I'm learning to trust again, and that's a long term process, I suppose even with non-abusive people.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

TomNebraska said:


> I feel like other than extreme/destructive personal behavior (drug/alcohol addiction, mental instability, financial recklessness) I don't have any interesting dealbreakers.
> 
> I can accept a lot of things, and I think different looking women can be attractive for different reasons, although if she's overweight because she doesn't exercise or take care of herself, that's a dealbreaker.
> 
> ...


yes, there is difference between simply raising your voice slightly in the heat of argument (not yelling at your partner, just being louder) and being abusive. I am coming from abusive one, and even now, during divorce, my stomach still gets tight as a fist when he barks at me. So no, I do not want to feel that ever again.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Sometimes yelling is the last straw. People use this as a pressure relief valve.
> Maybe, an alarm. Stop pushing me! And, my buttons.


Yes, this part I do understand. That was me screaming back when pushed into the corner. But I hate it, it's not me, I do not want to fight everyday for every small thing. I want to be able to have a different opinion from my partner and just be accepted as that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ah, I am a Martian, and have them camping out in my head.
Lordy!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Ah, I am a Martian, and have them camping out in my head.
> Lordy!


At times I don't get you at all, lol


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

I only have one deal breaker that I can think of: refusal to work with me on issues. If someone won't cooperate, I can't do anything with them.

I have worked through just about anything and everything with my wife. Stuff that normally kills marriages.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

For me: no tattoos. I hate to see women with tattoos. To me they look like trash or convicts.

No bi-sexual, multisexual or any other type of sexual other than heterosexual. I would not want those type of genes being pass on to my progeny. 

Presentable. I really get turn off by women that looks like they just came out the dumpster with the way they are dressed. 

Pigs. My god, a couple of times I walked into a woman's lair, let me tell you it was nauseating. I had to leave. I'm not a neat freak, but I'm very tidy. 

Sound of mind. If I would notice any type of craziness... gone. I would not want to procreate with a person that shows or that might develop mental illness later on.

Other than that, I would not care if she is fat, skinny, short, tall, serious, or vivacious, etc. Only that if I love her or not, and that we are compatible.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> I only have one deal breaker that I can think of: refusal to work with me on issues. If someone won't cooperate, I can't do anything with them.
> 
> I have worked through just about anything and everything with my wife. Stuff that normally kills marriages.


I think, fundamentally, that's probably at the core of most people's deal breakers. 

It's not the fact that someone is an alcoholic or addict, but that they won't do what it takes to stop in the long-term. It's not the fact that someone puts on a bunch of weight, but that they aren't willing to make changes to get and keep it off. It's not the fact that someone is emotionally/verbally/financially abusive, it's that they aren't willing to stop being that way. 

At heart, many deal-breaker behaviors aren't deal breakers because they happen once. They're deal breakers because they _keep_ happening. Essentially, the person either can't or won't work with their partner to fix the issues that are destroying the relationship.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

As'laDain said:


> I only have one deal breaker that I can think of: refusal to work with me on issues. If someone won't cooperate, I can't do anything with them.
> 
> I have worked through just about anything and everything with my wife. Stuff that normally kills marriages.


This is good.

There is a fine line between working with someone and basically surrendering to their vision.
The other person shutting down their own vision.

Then it becomes that age-old power struggle between the sexes.

I paid a hefty price for my vision(s), by not backing down.

On second thought, I did back down on my own educational aspirations.
I compromised, toned down and delayed them.

All is well, that ends well, that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> For me: no tattoos. I hate to see women with tattoos. To me they look like trash or convicts.
> 
> No bi-sexual, multisexual or any other type of sexual other than heterosexual. I would not want those type of genes being pass on to my progeny.
> 
> ...


A little harsh, methinks...

Don't expect any 'likes' with this post.
Umm.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

KISAs: If you want to be a KISA, then I don't need to date you (and miss out on other guys) since even femal strangers can get a load of your generosity.

Religious: to the point where you regularly go to service. I know that over time a man would be very pissed off if she didn't join him often enough.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

1. Smoker
2. Lazy
3. Flirt
4. Bad hygiene
5. No sense of humor
6. Penis


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> A little harsh, methinks...
> 
> Don't expect any 'likes' with this post.
> Umm.


The question was asked about deal breakers. Those are mine and mine only. anybody else's is not my business, nor I do care or should care. Plus, is not suppose to be a popularity contest to see how many likes you get. what, are we in Facebook?


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

.


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## Donny69 (Sep 12, 2020)

Deal breaker: funky smell. Lol


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Numb26 said:


> 6. Any colored hair that isn't a color found in nature


So.....she's out?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Buttugly said:


> A dead breaker for me is a man who baits and switches ,behaved one way before marriage another way after ... then while living in a 1 bedroom apt ... a husband kicks his wife and their newborn 2 weeks old baby out of the bedroom sending her to sleep on the couch for a year because their crying colicky newborn son won't stop crying ...the wife who caught a bad flu while in the hospital giving birth eventually coughed so hard with the flu she tore her episiotomy stiches open ,he could care less... he wouldn't change a diaper or help out at all with anything after they got married ...nothing !!!!! ...but chose to spend every spare minute with his mother, father, brother ,sil who lived in the same building at that time ...that's a deal breaker ...I should have divorced him then ...but I was so foolishly in love and naive at that time I allowed this and set my self up for more mistreatment and disrespect , yup it got worse during the 23 yrs of marriage ... until it's now a mountain of deal breakers at this point I couldn't list them all . Funny thing is at 50 plus I'm an attractive athletic in shape woman and won't have trouble finding another man but I'm so turned off to men after experiencing life with him I'm done ...deal breaker / marriage breaker , and now he doesn't want to lose me because he is finally realizing what he's about to lose ...again it's all about himself .
> For me ....
> 
> Selfishness is a deal breaker
> ...


So, are you leaving him or not?


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

LMAO, dealbreakers......
1. Short hair
2. Look anything like my ex's
3. Act anything like my ex's
4. Ever dated a personal friend of mine
5. Fat
6. Ever been fat
7. Smoking (nears the top really)
8. Doesn't eat healthy
9. Doesn't work or make much (sign of looking for a sugar daddy)
10. Not aging well for chrono age. 
11. Health problems. 
12. Not athletic 
13. Ex/family drama. 
14. Clingy/needy

Oh, I will just stop there.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Addiction. I lived with it and I left it. Never again. The crazy behavior(s) that accompany addiction - from disinterest in good hygiene to gaslighting - are enough for me to know I'd never, ever consider any partner who liked to drink a few too many.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

At this point, I think I would have to make a spreadsheet of all of my dealbreakers.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Deal breakers? As I said in another post on some other long-lost thread:
_My expectations are low. But they can always go lower. _
And a view of my tinder matches only reinforces this everyday.

And assuming we're ignoring the obvious, like, no STD's, or into crazy drugs. And that I'm attracted to them, and they me, etc.,

As for my actual deal breakers, for ONS or super short-term, like, a weekend:
- Not in a relationship (I don't want to be the OM)
And uh....guess that's it?

As for actual dating, be it short or long term (includes the above), and other generic things (3-date rule), and assuming this includes exclusivity:

More successful than me. I explained why on another thread. Not going to explain here (because it's a big argument). Don't care if you're smarter, but not earning more.
Hectic work schedule. I work 60+ hours a week. When I have a free night and want a date, I don't want to deal with someone else working an equally hectic schedule. And since I'm paying (99% probability) for the dates (per that other thread), I don't want to arrange dates months in advance because we're both juggling 60 hour weeks.
No vegans! Girls are picky enough when I ask them where to eat. Trying to find vegan restaurants, or dishes? No. Not doing that again.
Kids. I don't want kids, I don't want to deal with your kids. That's your problem, not mine.
Yelling at me in public or EVER hitting me with an intent to hurt, GHOSTING
Being friends with your ex's.
30 or younger only. Broken this rule twice, regretted it horribly both times.
No cigarette smokers.
Cheaters. This includes your current (not former) friends are cheaters or with married men or something. Group morality.
Trying to change me. I like to play and watch football. I don't want to spend my Sunday mornings antique shopping at all the damn antique stores that are annoyingly located within walking distance of my apartment.
Going clubbing dressed to hookup without me. I provide two options: that, or my exclusivity. Pick one.
Any woman I work with. NEVER


And....that's all I can think of. Until some other crap goes sideways in my dating life.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I had lots of deal breakers

1. smoking,
2. excessive drinking
3. cheating
4. aggression

and I will be honest, I didn't leave and have experienced all of them


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Rob_1 said:


> For me: no tattoos. I hate to see women with tattoos. To me they look like trash or convicts.
> 
> No bi-sexual, multisexual or any other type of sexual other than heterosexual. I would not want those type of genes being pass on to my progeny.
> 
> ...


Indeed.

How can you respect them if they don't respect themselves?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I've lightened up on the tattoo issue over time, having seen some that are tastefully done, artistic, and not excessive. My long-term FWB had just one that was okay.

As I said before, there are too many deal breakers to list, but some are more important than others. I can handle some lesser ones if most of the major qualities I want are present as well.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

syhoybenden said:


> Indeed.
> 
> How can you respect them if they don't respect themselves?


Because if not the majority, a large plurality of the women I see in the ages I would date have them. 

And you might just say that's because of what I prefer to date, but it encompasses all classes. I've seen tats on girls in med schools down to the cashiers at the grocery.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> Outside regular compatibility issues the big deal breaker for me would be if the guy raised his voice at me. Coming out of quarter century verbally abusive marriage I say “never again”...


My wife is 5'03"+ and I'm 6'05" and used to feel like she had to get loud to be heard when upset. 
At times i have said "Do you realize the louder you get, the less i listen to what you have to say?!"
Or
"When you can speak in a civil tone we can continue this discussion later" and walk away and go outside to do something. 
Loud screaming or yelling makes me agitated and angry. Also told her at the start if for some reason she absolutely thought she had to hit me, to punch me and not to slap as i will loose it if slapped and will likely hit back. She never has. She is a scrapper and used to get in between her 2 little brothers and her father when he would turn on them. Hence the vertical scar on her upper lip where he punched her when young. 

Said he used to get mad and turn over table at dinner and they had to clean up all the food in the floor and recook it all. 
Glad he took care of himself before we met and i had to take care of him. Might make Christmas gatherings odd if sister's hubby shot psycho dad. I wont tolerate rude behavior in a man.


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