# Well...here I am.



## Skruddgemire

Hello. I'm in a poly family. Same family as Maquiscat in fact. One of the fun things about being in a group like this is that you often get "ooh! I'm enjoying this forum group, you might like it"...and so here I am.

Like I said, I'm poly. Didn't even know I was for the longest time. I think that started when my legal wife and I first started living together. She had to go back to her house in New Hampshire to get it back to marketable condition. But by moving back there, she was once again near friends she used to sexually "play" with and as she and her girlfriend are really close, there was a chance that she might be asked to join them. 

Not wanting to go behind my back...she told me about the possibility. Now I think I'd have been upset if she did it behind my back or even if she had done it and then told me, but because she went full disclosure right at the outset...it didn't bother me. Especially since I knew a lot of the reasons that they would play together. 

So that might have planted the seed right there. 

I didn't become fully poly until 2013 when she and I were in a bit of dire straights. I was out of a job and my wife was unable to work (but her condition didn't qualify her for disability) and so we moved in briefly with her daughter (my stepdaughter). But as she was expecting a baby, she needed the room we were using. We met Maquiscat and his legal wife at the local board gaming club. The four of us became friends and when they learned that we were about to be homeless...took us in. 

We got along so well together that there were times when we would just sit there in the living room, everyone doing their own thing. No awkwardness, no need to fill the quiet with conversation since they would just happen whenever someone thought of something that the others would enjoy...we were just being pretty cool with each other. 

We had overheard something that they had said, and they had overheard something that we had said...that being that we rather liked living with each other. It took a mutual friend that both couples had confided with to sort of whack our heads together and tell us to "Talk to each other. You'll be pleasantly surprised."

One of the things we realized was that as two empty nest couples, now that I was on my feet we were doing better together than we would be apart. Another was that we were genuinely fond of each other. We (wife and I) were poly and just didn't know it, they were poly but hadn't found anyone to be poly with. 

And so here I am. Maquiscat found this site, has been enjoying it, was reading the dirty jokes thread and I remembered my joke about the octopus and wanted to share it. He said that with the fact that people here have been pretty tolerant of non-traditional family groupings and overall pretty nice about it...that I might want to get in on the conversations. 

I could go on more but my cat is meowing at me demanding attention and if I don't give it to him he's going to start getting really annoying.


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## heartsbeating

Welcome!

I noticed your joke before this post. Admittedly, some questions are coming to mind but I'm aware it's none of my business and I also need to focus on other things right now (other than posting on TAM, I mean). Thanks for the chuckle earlier


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## Skruddgemire

heartsbeating said:


> Admittedly, some questions are coming to mind but I'm aware it's none of my business and I also need to focus on other things right now (other than posting on TAM, I mean). Thanks for the chuckle earlier


Feel free to ask. I'm pretty open about things. So is my husband Maquiscat.


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## Evinrude58

So you have a wife and a husband?
Are you a woman? 

If I’m right and you’re a woman, am I right that Maquiscat is a man and has three wives?

this is interesting.


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## Skruddgemire

Evinrude58 said:


> So you have a wife and a husband?


From a legal standpoint, I only have a wife. However we formed our poly family as two couples. So two wives and one husband (the other legally married to each other couple in the family)

We’re not under any legal definition married to each other, but for the sake of convenience we refer to ourselves as such. Two husbands, two wives...our poly quad.


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## Mr.Married

Welcome to the forum 👍


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## FlaviusMaximus

Greetings!


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## Evinrude58

Skruddgemire said:


> From a legal standpoint, I only have a wife. However we formed our poly family as two couples. *So two wives and one husband* (the other legally married to each other couple in the family)
> 
> We’re not under any legal definition married to each other, but for the sake of convenience we refer to ourselves as such. *Two husbands, two wives...our poly quad.*


sorry. I don’t get it and am puzzled.

are you a man or a woman?
So if you’re a man, you referred you him as your husband and her as your wife. 
how does this work? You’re bisexual?

Please pardon my ignorance, I am baffled here...


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## Skruddgemire

Evinrude58 said:


> sorry. I don’t get it and am puzzled.
> 
> are you a man or a woman?
> So if you’re a man, you referred you him as your husband and her as your wife.
> how does this work? You’re bisexual?
> 
> Please pardon my ignorance, I am baffled here...


Ok...To start off I am a CIS Heterosexual man. 

The relationship among the four of us is complicated to explain though it comes natural for us. 

We all share a romantic level of love. By that I mean that we a level of emotional intimacy. We are all comfortable being naked in each other’s company, and we will discuss personal secrets that we would not normally share outside a romantic relationship.

We’ll all “go out on dates” with each other. Most of the time as a full family of 4, others in groups as circumstances dictate. For example I might take my wives out on a date if Maquiscat is not around. 

Sexy funtimes are a different matter. We’re all older (I’m the “baby” being 49) and have differing degrees of sexual activity and desire. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say we are all comfortable with it and there is no jealousy as a result.


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## maquiscat

Evinrude58 said:


> sorry. I don’t get it and am puzzled.
> 
> are you a man or a woman?
> So if you’re a man, you referred you him as your husband and her as your wife.
> how does this work? You’re bisexual?
> 
> Please pardon my ignorance, I am baffled here...


Something to keep in mind here is that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things. While indeed they often occur together, neither requires the other to exist. We all know how people can be sexually attracted without romantic attraction. But we can also see the opposite in asexual people, because many of them do still form emotional attachments, even if they are not sexually attracted.

Bisexuality can indeed exist within any given poly group. But it isn't necessarily required. Each dynamic will be different.


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## C.C. says ...

Skruddgemire said:


> Feel free to ask. I'm pretty open about things. So is my husband Maquiscat.












*Welcome !! 🙂 *@maquiscat is cool peeps.


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## Skruddgemire

I think the best way to describe Maquiscat and I in relationship terms is to borrow a line from the novelization of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. 

In the scene where Spock is about to undertake the Kolinar, he looked up and thought a goodbye to Kirk calling him “Thal’shala” (or something similar), a Vulcan term that translates to “Brother and lover”.

Now since Kirk and Spock never bumped uglies (tons of internet slash fiction aside), it’s thought that he meant the looser interpretation of “Brother and Beloved”.

That is what describes Maquiscat and I. Not interested in shagging, but closer than brothers.


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## GC1234

C.C. says ... said:


> View attachment 74356
> 
> 
> *Welcome !! 🙂 *@maquiscat is cool peeps.


@C.C. says ... LMAO! I love you!! You're my spirit animal!


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## GC1234

I'm curious, how does this work out sexually? Trying not to be gross and inappropriate, I am asking respectfully.


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## C.C. says ...

@GC1234 Oh girlll 🤗 I’ve got a million questions too, but I don’t want to get the boot for being inappropriate. Because I’m honestly not sure what is and what is not. I’ve just always been extremely curious about this. Maybe they’ll give us the benefit of the doubt.


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## GC1234

C.C. says ... said:


> @GC1234 Oh girlll 🤗 I’ve got a million questions too, but I don’t want to get the boot for being inappropriate. Because I’m honestly not sure what is and what is not. I’ve just always been extremely curious about this. Maybe they’ll give us the benefit of the doubt.


Haha, I'd say if it's for the purposes of learning, I don't see a problem. Perhaps a moderator or the OP can chime in. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable in any way, so if that is the case, I do apologize, and will certainly retract my question if I am told to do so. It's just such a rare dynamic, and it amazes me that there is no jealousy there.


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## maquiscat

GC1234 said:


> I'm curious, how does this work out sexually? Trying not to be gross and inappropriate, I am asking respectfully.


It is taken as such. However, let me suggest that we move this to a specific thread. I will look and see if I started a thread here about poly and ENM. If so I will revive it of not to old. Otherwise I will start one.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## GC1234

maquiscat said:


> It is taken as such. However, let me suggest that we move this to a specific thread. I will look and see if I started a thread here about poly and ENM. If so I will revive it of not to old. Otherwise I will start one.
> 
> Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


Ok, tag me in it if you are able to. Thank you!


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## maquiscat

GC1234 said:


> Ok, tag me in it if you are able to. Thank you!


I tagged you, but for others:
https://r.tapatalk.com/shareLink/to...source=app[/URL]"]Relationships and Addiction
Hopefully that works.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## LisaDiane

Skruddgemire said:


> Hello. I'm in a poly family. Same family as Maquiscat in fact. One of the fun things about being in a group like this is that you often get "ooh! I'm enjoying this forum group, you might like it"...and so here I am.
> 
> Like I said, I'm poly. Didn't even know I was for the longest time. I think that started when my legal wife and I first started living together. She had to go back to her house in New Hampshire to get it back to marketable condition. But by moving back there, she was once again near friends she used to sexually "play" with and as she and her girlfriend are really close, there was a chance that she might be asked to join them.
> 
> Not wanting to go behind my back...she told me about the possibility. Now I think I'd have been upset if she did it behind my back or even if she had done it and then told me, but because she went full disclosure right at the outset...it didn't bother me. Especially since I knew a lot of the reasons that they would play together.
> 
> So that might have planted the seed right there.
> 
> I didn't become fully poly until 2013 when she and I were in a bit of dire straights. I was out of a job and my wife was unable to work (but her condition didn't qualify her for disability) and so we moved in briefly with her daughter (my stepdaughter). But as she was expecting a baby, she needed the room we were using. We met Maquiscat and his legal wife at the local board gaming club. The four of us became friends and when they learned that we were about to be homeless...took us in.
> 
> We got along so well together that there were times when we would just sit there in the living room, everyone doing their own thing. No awkwardness, no need to fill the quiet with conversation since they would just happen whenever someone thought of something that the others would enjoy...we were just being pretty cool with each other.
> 
> We had overheard something that they had said, and they had overheard something that we had said...that being that we rather liked living with each other. It took a mutual friend that both couples had confided with to sort of whack our heads together and tell us to "Talk to each other. You'll be pleasantly surprised."
> 
> One of the things we realized was that as two empty nest couples, now that I was on my feet we were doing better together than we would be apart. Another was that we were genuinely fond of each other. We (wife and I) were poly and just didn't know it, they were poly but hadn't found anyone to be poly with.
> 
> And so here I am. Maquiscat found this site, has been enjoying it, was reading the dirty jokes thread and I remembered my joke about the octopus and wanted to share it. He said that with the fact that people here have been pretty tolerant of non-traditional family groupings and overall pretty nice about it...that I might want to get in on the conversations.
> 
> I could go on more but my cat is meowing at me demanding attention and if I don't give it to him he's going to start getting really annoying.


WELCOME!!!!! I'm VERY happy to meet you, @maquiscat is one of my favorite people on TAM, and we've heard alot about you!!! 

I am really excited about what you will add to all the discussions!!!!


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## Skruddgemire

LisaDiane said:


> WELCOME!!!!! I'm VERY happy to meet you, @maquiscat is one of my favorite people on TAM, and we've heard alot about you!!!


Oh crap...what's he been saying about me?


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## LisaDiane

Skruddgemire said:


> Oh crap...what's he been saying about me?


Lolol!!! It's ALL nice, I promise!

He IS mean to ME sometimes...


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## Evinrude58

Skruddgemire said:


> Ok...To start off I am a CIS Heterosexual man.
> 
> The relationship among the four of us is complicated to explain though it comes natural for us.
> 
> We all share a romantic level of love. By that I mean that we a level of emotional intimacy. We are all comfortable being naked in each other’s company, and we will discuss personal secrets that we would not normally share outside a romantic relationship.
> 
> We’ll all “go out on dates” with each other. Most of the time as a full family of 4, others in groups as circumstances dictate. For example I might take my wives out on a date if Maquiscat is not around.
> 
> Sexy funtimes are a different matter. We’re all older (I’m the “baby” being 49) and have differing degrees of sexual activity and desire. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say we are all comfortable with it and there is no jealousy as a result.


So you’re a dude that has a wife and basically wife swaps with another dude and his wife, or has an orgy with both, and lives with the other couple and enjoys their company outside of sex as well. Is that about accurate?


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## LisaDiane

Evinrude58 said:


> So you’re a dude that has a wife and basically wife swaps with another dude and his wife, or has an orgy with both, and lives with the other couple and enjoys their company outside of sex as well. Is that about accurate?


CLOSE. But you are skipping over the emotional component, which is the most important part of their family and combined marriage.


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## SunCMars

Add four more, walla, their _First Communion._

Ooops make that a commune. 

Nothing new here, move along.


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## maquiscat

Evinrude58 said:


> So you’re a dude that has a wife and basically wife swaps with another dude and his wife, or has an orgy with both, and lives with the other couple and enjoys their company outside of sex as well. Is that about accurate?


Not really. First, you can't exactly wife swap, if both are your wife to begin with. And what constitutes an orgy to begin with? Depending on who you ask, a threesome could as easily be an orgy. Which is a moot point, as it was noted that sex has only occured any two individuals at a time, and out of 6 possible sexual connections, only 3 exist.

But you did get it right that we all live together, and enjoy each other's company outside of sex. In fact the relationship is more important than the sex. The sex is just bonus.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Skruddgemire

Evinrude58 said:


> So you’re a dude that has a wife and basically wife swaps with another dude and his wife, or has an orgy with both, and lives with the other couple and enjoys their company outside of sex as well. Is that about accurate?


To get a better description of what we do and how we live, check out this thread and read from there. We moved the discussion to the "Ethical Non-Monogamy" thread and it starts at post 116.

We go into more detail there and it might help. Feel free to read and if you still have questions...feel free to ask. Maq and I are pretty open and willing to explain.


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