# Abandoned wife looking for male perspective



## wild_irish_rose (Aug 6, 2011)

I just am looking for a husband's (preferably wayward husband) perspective on this.

If you left your wife for another woman 7 years ago, cut off all contact with your wife and son for over a year at this point - is there any chance at all you would ever go back to your wife again?

Also - what in your marriage would have to be bad enough to make you act in such a way, without ever telling your wife what she did to drive you away?

If you want the backstory on why I am asking these questions feel free to see my other threads.


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## Duke (May 15, 2011)

I am not a wayward husband, so maybe I'm not the right guy to answer this question. Yes, despite my Catholic faith, I suppose there are things my wife could do to drive me away. But cut off all contact? No. Not tell her what the problem is? No. Cut off all contact with my children? No way.

There's something wrong with this guy. Time to move on. The blame is not yours, please move on.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Duke said:


> I am not a wayward husband, so maybe I'm not the right guy to answer this question. Yes, despite my Catholic faith, I suppose there are things my wife could do to drive me away. But cut off all contact? No. Not tell her what the problem is? No. Cut off all contact with my children? No way.
> 
> There's something wrong with this guy. Time to move on. The blame is not yours, please move on.


:iagree:


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

You’re having a clash/battle of religions, a religious war of attrition. It’s now at a complete and utter stalemate. Can last for 1,000 of years those things.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Anybody who would just leave thier kid and have no contact for a year is a dirt bag and doesn't deserve the time of day from anybody.


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## wild_irish_rose (Aug 6, 2011)

So if you don't mind another question - can you think of any reason other than financial why he hasn't divorced me after all this time? It's not cake eating, considering he's not sleeping with me as well as her. I just sometimes wonder if maybe he does still care enough about me that he's leaving the option open in case he does want to come back someday. Or is it just plain laziness - legally divorcing me is more trouble than it is worth to him at this time.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Just courious but is he paying child support right now? If not he knows that it will be set when you get a divorce. Yet another sign of a low life. If he is paying then maybe he just wants to go get laid for a while and come back thinking he can do as he pleases and you will just wait with open arms. It's really hard to slice it a way other than you need to not do anything but run fast in the other direction.


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## wild_irish_rose (Aug 6, 2011)

Yes he does pay child support. However it may not be as much as the court would require, we only have a verbal agreement right now. He also might be told he has to pay alimony since I am partly disabled and only capable of working low income, part time jobs. I'm not sure on that count.

I would never just take him back with open arms. It would take years of counseling and proof that he wasn't going to take off again before I would let him back into my house or my bed again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He may not have filed because he has. No money right now or he's saving some on the side and getting all his ducks in a row before doing so. Its very common.I would file for divorce and child support at minimum. You may be eligible for alimony. He's been gone for a year now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wild_irish_rose (Aug 6, 2011)

Oh he's got plenty of money. He makes a hefty six figure income. Lack of money is one of the many reasons I haven't filed though. I lost my disability in 2008 and didn't find a job until 2009 and lost that job just recently and it was never enough money to pay a lawyer even when I was working.

Neither one of us owns any property except for my car, his truck, and his motorcycle. He let our house get foreclosed on while I was sick and couldn't stop him. He also ended up with pretty much all our stuff except my clothes and books and as far as I'm concerned this far out, it's just stuff. I don't care about it anymore.

I do think one of the things he may be worried about is being told he has to pay COBRA to keep me on his health insurance if we do divorce. Right now I'm still covered normally on his family plan but his company won't covered ex-spouses. COBRA could run him hundreds of dollars a month. And there's a good chance a judge WOULD decide to make him do that since I do have serious chronic health problems but can't get Medicaid anymore since I was declared no longer 100% disabled.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he has so much money then that's prob why he hasn't fled. He's afraid of having to lose some to you in a divorce. Also he prob loves the verbal agreement you have re: your child cause he knows a judge would make him pay up for child support. Amongst other things. He has it made really. Gets to live with OW..no RESPONSIBIlities with children...an an estranged wife who accepts the crumbs he gives her. Get legal aide if you can't afford a lawyer and stipulate you want him to cover all your legal bills since he's the onewho walked and left you disabled and alone w your son. He's clever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

You should probibly atleast speak with a lawyer, many will give you a free consulation. If you wish to see what he should be paying in child support, there are calculators for such things New York Child Support Calculator - AllLaw.com. If he is making 6 figures you will most likley get quite a bit.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Take this guy to court and let the system work for you.


he would most likley have to pay child suport and you something as well.

he seem to be having his cake and eating it also. leaves his wife and kids as he makes a ton of money and not have to be responsible for their finacial situation.

hes a real gem of a guy. sue him for whats yours and hope he never wants to come back is my opinion.


and don't be so hard on your self you might just find a real gem out there.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Why would you even ask this question? Walking out on your wife with no explanation is bad enough. How anyone could abandon their kids is beyond me and beyond inexcusable in my worthless opinion!

Divorce his butt now, get anything you can and find someone who will love you for who you are.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> Why would you even ask this question? Walking out on your wife with no explanation is bad enough. How anyone could abandon their kids is beyond me and beyond inexcusable in my worthless opinion!
> 
> Divorce his butt now, get anything you can and find someone who will love you for who you are.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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