# Love my wife more now - need to exit girlfriend



## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

After 20 years marriage, two kids in college (and an 11 year old), I'd had it with my loving loyal wife 'Lek'. We met in Thailand where I was a student, she was a virgin and we hit it off just ok. I wanted a family. Got a great job and did well financially. 

Lek was a lousy housekeeper (pack rat), poor cook, didn't take the kids out much, never focused on their homework. I basically became super dad and got them involved in sports and spent every waking moment either at work or reading to the kids or taking them on epic trips. 

As the kids got older I noticed Lek never walked by my side or held my hand. She would trail behind no matter how slow I went or how kindly I'd ask her to walk with me. Super frustrating. 

Lek has zero sense of fashion and wears old hoodies and is totally inept at finding a dress or anything that looks nice on her. 

She also gained weight steadily and did nothing about it. I'm not overweight at all.

In March 2016 I said kindly to Lek how much I'm feeling like we can divorce because she doesn't really exist like the wife I'd expect, and I outlined the reasons above. She pretended the conversation never occurred. Our anniversary came and went she didn't say a word. Last summer I took her on a romantic trip and it just eats me inside how she never walks with me, but at the same time Lek is super devoted to me and loves me. 

In December 2016 I met for the first time Nguyen, a woman I'd corresponded with off and on from a dating app. She's 4 years older (I'm 49 she's 53). Nguyen is drop dead gorgeous, at 53 she's still got it all. Beautiful facial features (movie star), perfect legs, sexy hands, shoulders, even nice natural breasts. She lives 6 hours away and across the Canadian border! Nguyen raised a nice family, all of her kids are doing well and good people.

We spoke on the phone often, texted a lot, and by mid January I'd sent my wife and younger son to Thailand, and Nguyen and I went on an epic 8 week trip together to Vietnam. Nguyen is in great shape and was an absolute dream of a traveling partner. I'm getting emotional just typing this message. She stood by me and we visited all of her family that still lives there. In my life I've never had so much fun and enjoyed the company of a person so much. We really hit it off, but keep in mind this was a vacation not 'real life'.

You may be wondering how I managed to do all that and keep it secret from Lek, but my wife is very trusting and I had just finished a huge work-related project and needed a vacation. She thought I was ok and all alone. 

After we returned from our vacation, Nguyen was a total basket case and said she missed me like crazy. I was back living with Lek, thinking initially I should just forget Nguyen (for reasons below) but I grew to miss Nguyen and think of her nonstop, and I'd find a way to see her. I have a small motorhome so I'd either go meet Nguyen at the border and spend two nights with her there, or we'd figure out something. Every weekend we kept seeing each other.

Nguyen is the most incredible cook, she can walk into a grocery store and pickup a few things and turn it into a meal no restaurant can rival. Extremely good cook you just have to see it to believe it. 

NGUYEN. Talk about her background. High energy she ran two businesses and raised a family and made all the money she needed but ran away from her husband after 20 years due to a family dispute. She fell in "love" with an employee who was 17 years younger but that didn't last long. Next she fell in with an addicted gambler who made good money but blew it all playing cards, day after day. Next she hooked up with another guy from casino and he worked at her business and followed her around for a few years before moving on, he apparently was so addicted to gambling he'd pawn every last thing and steal money to play cards. Terrible.

She never stays single long owing to great looks and outgoing personality, she found a guy to take her in along with two teenagers. That lasted six years. She said he treated her bad and, while with him, she gambled away $100,000 that she still had from selling a home, racked up a load of bank debt and declared bankruptcy. It seems to me that he was probably a decent guy but her own compulsions led to collapse of their relationship.

Now she works in a nail salon and gossips with customers about their relationships all day long.

I'm not proud of the fact that, while on vacation, Nguyen took an old broken cell phone to give her nephew. He had the cracked screen fixed but the battery wouldn't charge well and we ended up getting the phone back. Nguyen at that point was taking a course so I had two full days and dug into her phone. 

For one thing, she would delete everything. You've never seen a woman cover her tracks by deleting so much. But things remained. For example when we met, she said she'd 'just discovered' online dating; however I found dating accounts going back three years, and what I found was pretty tame. She wasn't really on the prowl much until a few months before we met, and she got Tinder. From there, yeah she met a guy and screwed in a hotel. There were others she sent nude photos to (she has a picture-perfect body). Others spoke to her in a crude way and she kept conversing. One thing that bothered me was that after we met in December, she was super adamant and swore I was the greatest man and she was deeply in love with me. But I found one of her old dating contacts sent her a message and she was like 'if you come to the town where I live, call me'. 

I got paranoid about all of this and stopped having sex with Nguyen one week before our vacation ended. I'm a germophobe. I just told Nguyen I didn't want to have sex. I didn't tell her I looked into her phone but I asked her to be honest with me about the men she'd been with and how long she'd been dating online. She just lied about everything. It was a strange time. After we got back I told her all that I'd seen on the phone and she just said that was my past forget it.

One thing I've discovered is that Nguyen has a type of multiple personality disorder (?). Everything is fine but then she starts *****ing and putting words into my mouth and fighting with me. It's terrible. My wife never argues with me, in fact she's an expert at just being kind. Nguyen always calms down and apologizes.

I don't really trust Nguyen because she's an addicted gambler (I've read all about it), she lies to me, and she has a *****y personality that comes and goes. However Nguyen is so gorgeous, she's very affectionate, and the FACT is that we have a great time together. 

About a week ago, in planning to go back to Thailand for a month (my idea to send her back) my wife discovered just a few photos and short video clips that I didn't delete from a camera disc. She saw Nguyen in our house and us together on vacation in Vietnam. So the 'cat is out of the bag' I was caught red handed. I apologized to Lek and she forgave me. Lek said we have 20 years and our family should stay together and she will forget this 'black spot'. She wants to stay. I spoke of her weight gain and other things and reminded her of our conversation a year ago and Lek said she would work on her issues as well so we could stay happy.

Through all of this I am still planning to take Nguyen on another trip soon, perhaps in August. I may go off for several months. I just can't shake the fact that Nguyen makes me happy, Lek is a homebody, and I feel love for Nguyen like never before. I think Lek will tolerate it too, she doesn't want out and I would set her up nicely to be with our son. Truth be told, through all of this I am more in love with Lek than ever. I know I need to leave Nguyen!

I know saying goodbye to Nguyen is the best thing. Please help talk some sense into me I really need it. Thank you!


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

You are living in fantasy land. Grow up.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Guth said:


> I know saying goodbye to Nguyen is the best thing. Please help talk some sense into me I really need it. Thank you!


Personally I think that you and Nguyen make a great couple. You're both full of secrets and cannot be trusted. Divorce your wife so that she can at least have her dignity.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

don't be surprised when Nguyen turns out just like your first wife.


maybe you are the common denominator?


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

What an appalling lack of character and integrity. Honest question...Do you ever find it difficult to look in the mirror?


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## Akfranklin2014 (May 9, 2017)

This post makes me both sad and angry. It seems like you're blaming your cheating on your wife, which makes you come across as a coward as a *********, among other things. Cheating is a decision that is made by a person. It's not her fault you went to someone else. Yes, there were contributing factors, but ultimately you made the decision to see the other woman rather than work on your marriage. Did you ever talk to your wife about why she didn't want to walk with you or hold your hand? Also, while you're giving your work and children all of your attention, it sounds like she didn't receive any of that attention and maybe that sent her into depression. 

You should have tried to work on the marriage (if you wanted to stay in it) before you met this other woman. It might have kept from some deep heartache happening. And yes, deep heartache has happened to your wife. You've hurt her and broken her trust in ways you can never take back.

I absolutely recommend counseling, for both of you together and for each of you individually. You need to make the decision on whether you want to stay with your wife and it needs to be an ultimate and final decision. And if that's a yes, then all contact needs to stop immediately and never start again with this or any other woman outside your marriage. Also expect your wife to watch your every move like a hawk. 

There is so much more I feel like you should read about yourself but I'll leave that for your wife when she realizes what a horrible person you are. 


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If I was your wife I would stand behind you too.Just long enough to kick your lying,cheating,manipulating,self centred ass out the door.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You and your lover deserve each other.You both cheat, lie and deceive and you have treated your poor wife appallingly.Neither if you have any integrity and you are being a terrible role model for your children. 
She forgave you and you are STILL planning on going away with the awful OW? For several months abandoning your responsibilities as a husband and father? What sort of 'man' are you???So what if she is pretty, she has no moral values, she is a liar and she has a terrible track record with previous men. Surely you are at least mature enough to know that looks aren't everything? 

First tell you wife EVERYTHING about the affair, and if she still wants to work on the marriage then stop all contact with the OW NOW, and get off those dating sites. What were you as a married man doing on dating sites anyway? Go away with you wife and give her and your children the help and support and love they need. This sort of thing makes me realize why I was only interested in a man with strong moral values and integrity.I despair sometimes at the way some behave.
Come on lets see if you have any decency or integrity in you at all.


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## Aurelie (Jan 23, 2017)

Your wife deserves better than you.


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## lisacolorado (May 2, 2017)

I am really sorry for you in your predicament. I can relate a little bit. Look at what life does to us! Jeez. 

I would say, reach down into your soul and find the best part of you, and be loyal to that. What are the dictates of your highest nature? You really have to go with that. Your married life is a trap, because the better your attitude toward it, the more of the same thing you'll get. And your affair is with someone who's going to bring you down. You know it. You know it! Look at her affairs and failed relationships before. The better part of your soul knows there are more choices for you. Do what's right for you, and the best possible for your wife and children, and the girlfriend comes third. The sick part of you will hurt when you break it off but that hurt will heal. Try moving apart and living on your own for awhile. That's what I want to do. People won't understand, but you'll be saving your soul from suffocation, and from napalm. You'll live!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> If I was your wife I would stand behind you too.Just long enough to kick your lying,cheating,manipulating,self centred ass out the door.


Hey!

I was going to say that!!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

lisacolorado said:


> I am really sorry for you in your predicament. I can relate a little bit. Look at what life does to us! Jeez.
> 
> I would say, reach down into your soul and find the best part of you, and be loyal to that. What are the dictates of your highest nature? You really have to go with that. Your married life is a trap, because the better your attitude toward it, the more of the same thing you'll get. And your affair is with someone who's going to bring you down. You know it. You know it! Look at her affairs and failed relationships before. The better part of your soul knows there are more choices for you. Do what's right for you, and the best possible for your wife and children, and the girlfriend comes third. The sick part of you will hurt when you break it off but that hurt will heal. Try moving apart and living on your own for awhile. That's what I want to do. People won't understand, but you'll be saving your soul from suffocation, *and from napalm*. You'll live!


Napalm?

You have been watching too many Viet Nam War movies.

I was there....1967-68. 101st Airborne.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
You requested that we try to talk some sense into you. Here is my attempt to do so.



Guth said:


> After 20 years marriage, two kids in college (and an 11 year old), I'd had it with my loving loyal wife 'Lek'. We met in Thailand where I was a student, she was a virgin and we hit it off just ok. I wanted a family. Got a great job and did well financially.
> 
> Lek was a lousy housekeeper (pack rat), poor cook, didn't take the kids out much, never focused on their homework. I basically became super dad and got them involved in sports and spent every waking moment either at work or reading to the kids or taking them on epic trips.
> 
> ...


I could not argue the point any better.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Guth said:


> After 20 years marriage, two kids in college (and an 11 year old), I'd had it with my loving loyal wife 'Lek'. We met in Thailand where I was a student, she was a virgin and we hit it off just ok. I wanted a family. Got a great job and did well financially.
> 
> Lek was a lousy housekeeper (pack rat), poor cook, didn't take the kids out much, never focused on their homework. I basically became super dad and got them involved in sports and spent every waking moment either at work or reading to the kids or taking them on epic trips.
> 
> ...


This is your thread title..."Love my wife more now" 
Your thread title is a blatant lie, nothing I read in your comments indicate you love your wife, or even like her. It seems like your wife simply isn't as bad as your lover is turning out to be (surprise! surprise!)

The only "sense" I wish I could convey to you is to take a hard look at how you have screwed up the lives of the people you claim to love...your wife, your kids, and even your girlfriend. You are being respectful to know one.


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it.

I think if a woman posted here about a 20 year marriage to a man who didn't contribute to raising the kids (zero involvement in school, sports or homework), then when the kids were moving out and he kept gaining weight, looking like a slob, wearing the same old clothes and not keeping the house clean at all, there would be support that she has a right to get out.

On the other hand I've done something terrible which is just say "I don't care!" and took off with a girlfriend on a wonderful foreign trip. I'd never take it back. 8 weeks of near bliss. She was a wonderful woman to me.

I did not disclose that there were three very strange things that occurred to me. Nothing would justify taking a girlfriend but these things:

1. One tragic accident ALMOST occurred which could have caused immeasurable financial harm and depleted everything we earned. 

2. I recovered from cancer which would have certainly killed me had one of my kids not spotted the symptoms and it turned out to be a super early detection of a wicked killer.

3. There was another accident narrowly avoided in which one of my kids was almost killed.

All of this occurred and I'm like -- look I need to enjoy my life not sit trapped here in the traffic jams and look at a wife who won't take care of herself and frankly doesn't care much to make me feel like I'm loved after all I've done to bring security to our lives and have been a super role model for my kids. Nobody's perfect now, I just decided to do what I wanted to do. I ran off. Sorry.

Now the issue, as another pointed out, is that this girlfriend is turning out to be worse than my wife. She's had failed relationship after failed relationship. She's totally broke. In fact I know of a single woman who is a lawyer and owns a nice home and became a widow and she's so kind. If I'm going to leave my wife why can't I think about getting together with someone of decent financial means? My girlfriend is a bankrupt nail salon worker with a bad gambling habit. Terrible! Terrible. And all the gossip she shares with me involved endless infidelity among her clients. I want nothing to do with it. The other thing is she insists we'll be so happy together but her idea of perfect social paradise is to get together with all Vietnamese and sing karaoke late into the night. I don't know those songs and I'm not much of a singer.

The thing that really blows me away is that, despite her lies and shady history, I am just feeling addicted to her like a drug. Is this common? I was totally loyal for 20 years. This affair is like a drug addiction and I need to shake it. Nguyen is super attractive physically but I just don't need all that comes with it, and I want to be with my wife and our younger son and be a father to him rather than run off. It takes a lot of strength. Call me any name you want but I confided this with a person who said yes, I need to get away, but love is so hard to walk away from and it takes a lot of strength. 

Thank you for all feedback.


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

One more bizarre angle on this story.

In my younger years I spent a fair number of years involved in assisting refugees. I worked in a camp overseas and I did work that deeply affected my opinion of war (I'm anti-war) and I don't mean to inject politics into this but I felt that US has done great injustice to cause displaced peoples notably the Vietnamese people, who I worked with before.

I've wanted to use my personal skills at business, and resources I have available thanks to some decent business decisions I've made over the years. to "give back" and perhaps create a charity and get a type of foundation that helps hospitals get supplies to help handicapped people.

Along comes Nguyen and quite honestly she is someone who is hard working and I think we'd do well combining our efforts to help people. I don't want to leave her now. In some sense, I feel I will be doing the right thing by staying with her and making her life better as we feel love together and we can help others. 

On the other hand, my gut (and I know I should go with my gut) says Nguyen is simply playing her great looks to get what she can and if I don't pan out soon she'll troll for some other sucker taken in by her beauty and ability to strike up a conversation. In addition, she can flip her mood really quickly and drag me down in ways that my wife never does (and no man should put up with). She says her mood flips are due to the fact that I'm married and it drives her crazy and makes her get upset.

Well, I just thought I'd say this. I'm sorry if this post makes people upset. It's all I can say, the truth how I feel and what is going on.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Guth said:


> One more bizarre angle on this story.
> 
> In my younger years I spent a fair number of years involved in assisting refugees. I worked in a camp overseas and I did work that deeply affected my opinion of war (I'm anti-war) and I don't mean to inject politics into this but I felt that US has done great injustice to cause displaced peoples notably the Vietnamese people, who I worked with before.
> 
> ...


It has happened, it will happen again. When your money is gone she will be also.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Guth said:


> One more bizarre angle on this story.
> 
> In my younger years I spent a fair number of years involved in assisting refugees. I worked in a camp overseas and I did work that deeply affected my opinion of war (I'm anti-war) and I don't mean to inject politics into this but I felt that US has done great injustice to cause displaced peoples notably the Vietnamese people, who I worked with before.
> 
> ...


I guess that you will try and justify your lying, cheating, and deception anyway you can. 
What sort of woman will cheat with a married man with children? She clearly has no moral values or integrity at all, and nor have you. You will carry on cheating on your poor wife no matter what we say. The OW sounds awful, she appears to have no good qualities at all, but sadly because you are attracted to her physically you will carry on treating your wife and children terribly as you have been all this time. 

You know that what you are doing is very wrong and immoral and that it needs to stop, so stop it, if you are man enough.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

As I recall, you posted some months ago about how your wife walked 10 feet behind you all the time. However, I also remember your wife was agreeable to having sex with you on a daily basis. I don't actually care if you are a man or a woman, it boils down to you being an adulterer. You've justified it, citing your wife is detached from you, the kids, and even herself (when it comes to staying in shape).

You received advice months ago. Now you are appealing for advice once again. Okay, I'll bite. If your marriage sucks so much, file for divorce and go off and bang whoever you choose. Seriously.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Well done! Being inspired by my great mentor Elder Cunningham, remember to get yourself neutered when college term time starts up again. And drop the units on creative writing - focus on geology and soil analytics. You can dig up a lot more [email protected] that way. And Thai food is way better than Vietnamese food.


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> I guess that you will try and justify your lying, cheating, and deception anyway you can.
> What sort of woman will cheat with a married man with children? She clearly has no moral values or integrity at all, and nor have you. You will carry on cheating on your poor wife no matter what we say. The OW sounds awful, she appears to have no good qualities at all, but sadly because you are attracted to her physically you will carry on treating your wife and children terribly as you have been all this time.
> 
> You know that what you are doing is very wrong and immoral and that it needs to stop, so stop it, if you are man enough.


Thank you. I appreciate that. I need to "man up" and stop doing this.

My friend had a similar comment, he asked what kind of woman would do that with a married man. I never thought to blame her. But she does try to extricate me from not just my wife but my kids. For example she says all the time how my kids will not like it at first, to know I've left the home for another woman, but they get over it and still love me. I've taken so many weekends away from home and my son to be with her, and I think if I spent a weekend with my son she'd be pissed off. She's very unforgiving when it comes to me being there for her every weekend. 

Another point is when we first got together she was really over the top stating her love for me and how I was the greatest thing that ever happened and she never felt love like that before. In my examination of her phone I found that a few weeks after all this started a dating connection texted her and said he'd be coming to her town soon and her response was like "call me when you get here".

Well I just need to stop this and it's hard. That's all. I will avoid this again. I don't want it and don't need it. I am glad my wife is of the opinion that she will forgive me, I know many women would not. And if she uses the opportunity to address some of the things I had complained about before, then we end up both loving each other more I hope.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are looking at your life as though you have two choices, your wife or Nguyen.

The fact is that Nguyen is poison. This woman is going to take everything you have and then dump you. You want to have a person with a gambling addiction help you run a non-profit? LOL... that's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. You know what she's going to do with the money. And she will only stop when it's all gone.

You are being a foolish man. Do you know how many stories there out there of men who blow up their lives over some good look, but mentally unstable woman? It usually happens when the guy is in his 50's and has some money and time on his hands.

You need to first resolve your marriage. If you want to get a divorce, then get one. 

Then go find a woman who is not going to destroy you, with your all too willing help.

You say that she has a multiple personality disorder? I'm assuming here that this is a armchair diagnosis. She does not have a multipole personality disorder. She's acting like an a person who is abusive. She's a user of people, is abusive and is probably closer to being a narcissist. When she's yelling at you, that's her true self showing. The rest of the time is on putting on her act to play you for her own purposes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Guth said:


> Thank you. I appreciate that. I need to "man up" and stop doing this.
> 
> My friend had a similar comment, he asked what kind of woman would do that with a married man. I never thought to blame her. But she does try to extricate me from not just my wife but my kids. For example she says all the time how my kids will not like it at first, to know I've left the home for another woman, but they get over it and still love me. I've taken so many weekends away from home and my son to be with her, and I think if I spent a weekend with my son she'd be pissed off. She's very unforgiving when it comes to me being there for her every weekend.
> 
> ...


The reason that you feel so emotionally high about this relationship is that you are 'in love'. People make the mistake of thinking that 'in love' is somehow something that should guide their lives. Do you know what 'in love' really is? Humans are chemical engines. The feeling we call "in love" is nothing more than getting a chemical high from our brain producing a lot of feel good chemicals: dopamine, oxytocin and more. 

You could feel just as good if you took cocaine. Some people chase the 'in love' feeling because they are addicted to the brain chemicals.

Your gf seems to be pretty well versed on how to manipulate a man to control him with this sort of brain chemistry surge. She's doing thing to meet your needs. The more sex she has with you, and the more of your needs she meets, the higher you feel. 

And this would be great if you were a single man who was not hurting his wife and children. And it would be great if she was truly a good woman. But she is not. That's clear from what you said about her. You should be running for the hills to get away from this woman, seriously. So she's good looking. Yea we all like good looking people. But narcissists and sociopaths typically take very good care of their appearance because it's part of their manipulation techniques. She knows that with her good looks, a lot of men will put up with just about anything from her.

And you my dear man have fallen for your narcissistic trap.

You are really being such a fool that it's hard to read your posts.

Please end this relationship. When you do, get ready for her to get very ugly. She will most likely come over you and your wife and the most hideous way. But at least you will be free from her.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Nothing can justify cheating on your wife. You should not have been on a dating site until after the divorce was final. 

I like sex, and I'm a wild child. My wife and I have done all kind of crazy stuff. I think crazy stuff can be fun, but it must be mutually fun. So where's the stud to comfort Lek while you ignore that beautiful wife of yours?

Absolutely nothing can justify cheating. Nothing.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Guth said:


> I think if a woman posted here about a 20 year marriage to a man who didn't contribute to raising the kids (zero involvement in school, sports or homework), then when the kids were moving out and he kept gaining weight, looking like a slob, wearing the same old clothes and not keeping the house clean at all, there would be support that she has a right to get out.


No one ever said you don't have the right to get out. What you don't have the right to do is cheat and behave with such disrespect, disgust and contempt towards your wife and children!

You and your piece deserve each other. She did it with you? Oh you can bet she'll do it to you as well.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Guth said:


> Thank you. I appreciate that. I need to "man up" and stop doing this.
> 
> My friend had a similar comment, he asked what kind of woman would do that with a married man. I never thought to blame her. But she does try to extricate me from not just my wife but my kids. For example she says all the time how my kids will not like it at first, to know I've left the home for another woman, but they get over it and still love me. I've taken so many weekends away from home and my son to be with her, and I think if I spent a weekend with my son she'd be pissed off. She's very unforgiving when it comes to me being there for her every weekend.
> 
> ...


Where do you say you are going every weekend?

You wife and son should come first. Please stop this, any women who tries that hard to keep a father away from his own children is toxic. No your children will not get over it, they will be damaged and deeply hurt.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

what an ******* you are. so much so that you don't realize it and or don't care.

i've chatted with several of the women my husband was trying to woo. he told them i had an unbearable mental disorder or pretended he was single or said he was married & we were seeing others. I wish. All of the women were apologetic and respectful to me, as they did not know the truth and if they did, they wouldn't have gone there. Thank you, people who respect relationships.

what is the point of a relationship if you can't be honest? i can't imagine your "wife" is happy with you, as you are a complete *******. set her free. if she knew the truth, she would probably not like you. think of that. you can't have anyone as your true self. you are completely selfish and a pig. if she's not "good enough" for YOU, divorce. i hope you get every disease under the sun, as you certainly deserve it.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Guth said:


> Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I think if a woman posted here about a 20 year marriage to a man who didn't contribute to raising the kids (zero involvement in school, sports or homework), then when the kids were moving out and he kept gaining weight, looking like a slob, wearing the same old clothes and not keeping the house clean at all, there would be support that she has a right to get out.


If you would have first divorced your wife before you decided to start dating, your replies would have been much different. Unrepentant cheating with plans to continue cheating is frowned upon here.


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## jmo (May 23, 2017)

All of this occurred and I'm like -- look I need to enjoy my life not sit trapped here in the traffic jams and look at a wife who won't take care of herself and frankly doesn't care much to make me feel like I'm loved after all I've done to bring security to our lives and have been a super role model for my kids. Nobody's perfect now, I just decided to do what I wanted to do. I ran off. Sorry.

A SUPER ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR KIDS? What a load of crap. You got caught out. You didn't confess. Poor me!!! If you were the great man you talk yourself up as being, you would have revisited your conversation with your wife to establish the seriousness of the situation. Instead, you let your **** do the talking. And now....Love my wife more now - need to exit girlfriend....which you have no intention of doing but most ironically, you recovered from cancer and are now cancerous to everyone you mention except your addiction. Bravo....What a SUPERMAN you are.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Cheating is a terrible way of dealing with relational problems. It's the hallmark of a weak person who lacks base amounts of integrity and self-control. You took this road.

OP, you have two real options at this juncture...

Option #1 is you go back to reality with Lek and your family, and try to mend what you've broken. You tell Lek the whole truth about Nguyen and if she'll still have you, then settling for less than she deserves is her problem. You say farewell to Nguyen and extramarital affairs for good. Option #1 is a permanent commitment, not a whim. Go down this route only if you can stay faithful, you will get tested for STI, and Lek accepts the terms, knowing exactly what she has agreed to (this assumes you're capable of openness and honesty...a stretch of my imagination, at this point).

Option #2 is you get divorced and do whatever you want. Be with Nguyen. Be with someone else (hopefully another cheater). Be with whomever, with the sole exception of Lek. If you can't stay faithful to her, then don't remain married. It's unfair... mostly to her, but also to you.

OP, there is third option, one that you've already embraced... indecisiveness. But this is not much of an option. To be frank, making decisions separates children from adults. So, I urge you, move from your indecisiveness, make your decision, and live with its consequences.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Diana7 said:


> Where do you say you are going every weekend?
> 
> You wife and son should come first. Please stop this, any women who tries that hard to keep a father away from his own children is toxic. No your children will not get over it, they will be damaged and deeply hurt.


His wife may know perfectly well where he is going and what he is doing...she just doesn't care because she is thrilled to have him out of the house and not to have to deal with him for a few days. I'm being serious, she has been married for a long time and probably feels stuck in her life, too scared or lazy to divorce and the uncertainty of that life so she just sticks it out. Because she stays in no way means she is happy and loves him, she could be just as miserable as the OP so every time he goes away she is grateful for the break.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You don't belong here on TAM at all. This site is to talk about marriage, and you have NO FREAKING CLUE what a marriage is or should be. Shame on you - I am truly disgusted by your behaviour towards your wife and kids, and by your complete lack of remorse or understanding that what you're doing is wrong. Actually I take that back - you DO know what you're doing is wrong yet you continue to do it. I find you despicable.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

What is different about you and also special about you Guth...nothing at all.

You are one sorry excuse of a man. Your kids will see that. They will not respect you because you killed that respect. All that hard work and dedication to your kids when they were young will get lost in the cake eating habit you picked up. 

Your story is a sad one indeed. Your wife will not leave you, sadly. This is what she was brought knowing. Her father was a cake eater just like you. She has become her mother. 

Nguyen will destroy a all of you. Hopefully your children will not need your economic help because Nguyen will take that with her and then throw you away with yesterdays garbage. You are very attractive to Nguyen, like a leather wallet full of money to fuel her needs that is. 

Cancer didn't kill you. life gave you a second chance to fulfill your destiny as an honorable man who had children and brought them ALL up to be well rounded decent adults that would see their father as the great patriarch of the family. Instead they will remember you as a reckless fool who fell into temptation and caused their mother and youngest sibling so much despair, poverty, and shame. All because after cancer he allowed his little head to make all the wrong decisions. 

What a sad sad way to kill what you started so well. In the grand scheme of your life, you failed miserably, and your fall from grace was a low life woman with pretty looks. Looks are indeed deceiving. Pretty on the outside, but rotten to the core...sigh


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Yikes. I suggest you divorce your wife, break up with the ow, and not get involved with any other woman until you figure out why you are such a hot mess.

Shame, shame on you.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

What's done is done. I was ready to tell my wife I'm heading out the door last fall, because month after month we talked and she did nothing but ignore everything I said about my dissatisfaction in the marriage. 

Now I had this affair and my wife knows and she won't see it as the same tragedy many of you do.

There has to be a cultural element, as in Thailand it is for certain that every man is either gay or has multiple women and/or uses service girls on a regular basis. Literally every television drama has a subplot of the older family man and his young mistress. It's so embedded in their culture, and not just Asian but so many cultures. I would guess that only in white culture does the woman freak out and immediately leave forever.

I did this once in my life and it's likely going to lead to longterm a possible better understanding among my wife and I. I apologized to her and she immediately said she's losing weight. Now you can call me names and say that's terrible but the fact is she ate like a pig and got obese for really no reason. 

As for my kids they will never think I'm a rotten guy, should they learn of what happened. 

In any case I really appreciate those of you who encourage me to totally cut Nguyen out. I need to do that and it's hard. Is it supposed to be easy? I grew to love her in many ways. Obviously yes I can't escape the fact that just looking at her drives me wild. I can't deny that. And yes she's a manipulative woman that won't win here with me. I'm getting out. I can't believe I fell for her so hard. I read somewhere else that some super attractive women play it up for all they can get, and in the back of their minds lack all sincerity. 

I had a talk with Nguyen last night and she just annoyed me and was argumentative. Thanks to what some of you are sharing about Nguyen and her evil motives, help me to better interpret what she is saying to me.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Methinks Amplexor's wisdom would be most useful on this thread.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes, in some cultures men cheat all the time. It used to be more like that in Western culture. But now that the genders are more equal under the law thing have evened out.

Fewer men in the West feel entitled to and so fewer cheat. And more women cheat now. It's still that more men cheat than women, but only by a few percentage points.

Yoru comment about your wife's culture only points out that women are still not very valued in her culture. It's very sad.

There is a part of me that really hopes that your wife cheats on you. You could learn a good lesson on how non-trivial what you are doing really is.

What happens in cultures like your wife's when a woman finds out that her husband ahs cheated is that she learns to value him even less. Why should she change when she knows that you are going to cheat all you want to? She knows that you cheated in the past. I have no doubt that she knows that you are cheating now. She's just being the good little woman and keeping her mouth shut.

This is all going to back fire on you big time.


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> She knows that you cheated in the past. I have no doubt that she knows that you are cheating now. She's just being the good little woman and keeping her mouth shut.


Hi EleGirl thanks for your comments. To clarify, and maybe you know, but it's not clear to me, I was caught red-handed about two weeks ago. That is the first time I've cheated, and it wasn't just cheating it was an 8 week vacation with another woman. I'm cutting bait with Nguyen. I just HAVE to do it. I know. I will. And I do appreciate the comments here. Thank you.


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Why should she change when she knows that you are going to cheat all you want to?


As long as we are getting into cultural aspects, well...I am not sure men value women less and that's why they have affairs. The fact is you can search the entire country's population of married men and every single one is either seeing another man on the side or had at least a fling with a woman during his married life. Land of zero monogamous. 

In addition, something that bothers me is that nearly every single member or Nguyen's family that left Vietnam for the west, divorced, remarried, etc. Only one is still married but, get this, his wife is terminally ill and he already has new wife picked out in Vietnam who he will sponsor after the death of his wife. He goes and visits her. What occurs there is so opposite of what you all adhere to.

I will add another spin here. Several months ago my wife told me that a fortuneteller had forecasted that this coming year I would drift away for one year then come back. To my wife this is all part of what the fortuneteller predicted, I'm sure. She and her family live by the word of these mystics in Thailand. She's there now and just made a very long drive to a special temple to pray to the gods at that location for some reason, likely that temple has a special seance for wives who are in peril of their husbands with a mistress etc. It's like a different planet. 

On marital issues there could not be a greater disconnect between white and Asian perceptions, and accepted consequences of infidelity. You assume I'll be torn to pieces if my wife has a different lover. Frankly I disagree. There, I said it. I don't think she will though.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Guth said:


> What's done is done. I was ready to tell my wife I'm heading out the door last fall, because month after month we talked and she did nothing but ignore everything I said about my dissatisfaction in the marriage.
> 
> Now I had this affair and my wife knows and she won't see it as the same tragedy many of you do.
> 
> ...


You don't know what your children will think of you. What I do know is that I lost most of the respect I had for my father when I found out that he had had an affair and lied to mum and myself. I never saw him in the same way again after that and never really trusted him again. 

I am so glad that I live in a country where at least it's considered wrong to cheat. It's awful that so many men in these cultures have no self-control or integrity.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Guth said:


> Thank you. I appreciate that. I need to "man up" and stop doing this.
> 
> My friend had a similar comment, he asked what kind of woman would do that with a married man. I never thought to blame her. But she does try to extricate me from not just my wife but my kids. For example she says all the time how my kids will not like it at first, to know I've left the home for another woman, but they get over it and still love me. I've taken so many weekends away from home and my son to be with her, and I think if I spent a weekend with my son she'd be pissed off. She's very unforgiving when it comes to me being there for her every weekend.
> 
> ...



For an older man, you sound pretty stupid tbh. Of course Ngyuen is using you, she has done this with many men before. If you are going to let your smaller head think rather than your bigger head then you are more stupid than I thought. 

Meanwhile your poor long suffering wife has to put up with this ****e, you think she doesn't know that you are up to this? I really hope your wife dumps your ass, tells your son all the details too and exposes you for what you are. You and Ngyuen suit each other actually. Your wife would be better off with out you and he misery that you are causing her. You are selfish, self centred and self entitled. I am sure you are probably not much to look at, balding, greying, overweight, etc yet you think you are some catch.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I think you should give this plot to Aaron Spelling productions........I would love to see it as a mini series............


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

aine said:


> For an older man, you sound pretty stupid tbh. Of course Ngyuen is using you, she has done this with many men before. If you are going to let your smaller head think rather than your bigger head then you are more stupid than I thought.


Hi. Nguyen has been around the block a few times but here's the deal, you are wrong about her using men for money. Case in point:

1. First husband. She got them a business and worked her ass off and added a few products lines and racked up tens of thousands in cash savings and they had a nice home. She left him but it was her who really wore the pants in terms of ideas and work ethic. He made out like a bandit.

2. Second husband. He came along like a casanova and basically worked as her employee and gambled away all her money due to his severe addiction. He came penniless and made her lose money.

3. Third husband. Was working a low-end job basically parking cars until he got with her and she gave him new ideas and started two companies now he's doing very well with his own employees.

So give Nguyen credit where credit is due.



aine said:


> Meanwhile your poor long suffering wife has to put up with this ****e, you think she doesn't know that you are up to this?


Ahem, I was a perfect father for 20 years and my wife never worked outside of the home and we raised kids in the nicest area, best school district. Kids became state-level athletes and one is a National Merit Scholar. So you could say that my wife hit the jackpot, to a certain extent. I'm just saying it like it is.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

Guth said:


> Hi.
> So give Nguyen credit where credit is due.
> 
> Ahem, I was a perfect father for 20 years and my wife never worked outside of the home and we raised kids in the nicest area, best school district. Kids became state-level athletes and one is a National Merit Scholar. So you could say that my wife hit the jackpot, to a certain extent. I'm just saying it like it is.


YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING US! HIT THE FLIPPING JACKPOT?!?!?!?!?! JACKASS, YES. DUMP IN THE POT, YES. NO JACKPOT. SUCH ABSOLUTE ARROGANCE!!!!

YOUR KIDS HAVE SUCCEEDED IN SPITE OF YOU, NOT BECAUSE OF YOU. THOUGH OF COURSE YOU CAN STILL BE QUITE A PRICK AND BE STATE-LEVEL ATHLETES AND NMS.

I'm so fortunate to be an American woman. Thanks for reminding me.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You clearly forget that your children have been westernized now. They will see your cheating as foolish just as us westerners do. If you wanted to keep the cultural ways of your land, you should of raised your children there. The fact is that you didn't and you are no prize by the way.

If your wife is lazy and you are supposed to care for her and your kids, why didn't you really take care of her like a princess and have a maid to clean the house? If she gained weight after having kids and being stuck at home in a foreign country, why didn't you pay good surgeons to fix her up like the doll you wanted her to stay looking like? Why didn't you hire trainers to help her stay in shape?

You failed as a provider and lover! You broke vows and believe it is OK because in your culture that is an epidemic of gigantic proportions. Did your vows state to have many lovers? I bet not. 

There, the truth in all its ugliness has been spoken. Get over yourself. You are full of puff. Some deflating will help you think better and own some of the **** that is yours. Your wife isn't the only one that messed up here. You were a poor provider, husband, lover and long term partner. Commitment means nothing to you once a pretty user with very loose morals crosses your path.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Guth said:


> Hi. Nguyen has been around the block a few times but here's the deal, you are wrong about her using men for money. Case in point:
> 
> 1. First husband. She got them a business and worked her ass off and added a few products lines and racked up tens of thousands in cash savings and they had a nice home. She left him but it was her who really wore the pants in terms of ideas and work ethic. He made out like a bandit.
> 
> ...


She's been around the block and you would think she would have learned by now, but no she's with a married man aka you. 

No credit due. 

If you really wanted to divorce your wife, you would have done it by now, no point blaming her for it not happening. 

You and Nguyen are perfect for each other, because you both blame everyone else for the gone wrong in your lives. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Betrayedone said:


> I think you should give this plot to Aaron Spelling productions........I would love to see it as a mini series............


Laura Gemser as Nguyen  

Let's see who gets this.


Betrayedone said:


> I think you should give this plot to Aaron Spelling productions........I would love to see it as a mini series............


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Guth said:


> Hi. Nguyen has been around the block a few times but here's the deal, you are wrong about her using men for money. Case in point:
> 
> 1. First husband. She got them a business and worked her ass off and added a few products lines and racked up tens of thousands in cash savings and they had a nice home. She left him but it was her who really wore the pants in terms of ideas and work ethic. He made out like a bandit.
> 
> ...


LOL, all of that is what she told you. Of course she is going to look like the hero in the story that she tells. 

I wonder what she is going to tell people about you once you dump her. I'll get it will again make her took like the 'good guy' and you like some POS.




Guth said:


> Ahem, I was a perfect father for 20 years and my wife never worked outside of the home and we raised kids in the nicest area, best school district. Kids became state-level athletes and one is a National Merit Scholar. So you could say that my wife hit the jackpot, to a certain extent. I'm just saying it like it is.


And because she never worked outside the home, she has fewer options to do things like leave you because you are cheating. So her life choices are very limited.

And, she never really did have a husband who even liked her, much less really loved her. So while some things were good, a very significance core of her life was rotten.... completely terrible.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

john117 said:


> Laura Gemser as Nguyen
> 
> Let's see who gets this.












*I never realized that you were such a connoisseur of 70's softcore pron.*


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## Good Guy (Apr 26, 2016)

KrisAmiss said:


> what an ******* you are. so much so that you don't realize it and or don't care.
> 
> i've chatted with several of the women my husband was trying to woo. he told them i had an unbearable mental disorder or pretended he was single or said he was married & we were seeing others. I wish. All of the women were apologetic and respectful to me, as they did not know the trut*h and if they did, they wouldn't have gone there. *Thank you, people who respect relationships.
> 
> what is the point of a relationship if you can't be honest? i can't imagine your "wife" is happy with you, as you are a complete *******. set her free. if she knew the truth, she would probably not like you. think of that. you can't have anyone as your true self. you are completely selfish and a pig. if she's not "good enough" for YOU, divorce. i hope you get every disease under the sun, as you certainly deserve it.


I agree with you, but you do realize the women saying that to you are just the same as he is?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Tron said:


> *I never realized that you were such a connoisseur of 70's softcore pron.*


These are actually couple movies, very tasteful (the monkey head chop scene nonwithstanding). If the industry made such movies today instead of 50 shades of oatmeal they'd go a long way towards being more acceptable.


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> LOL, all of that is what she told you. Of course she is going to look like the hero in the story that she tells.
> 
> I wonder what she is going to tell people about you once you dump her. I'll get it will again make her took like the 'good guy' and you like some POS.


Good points. I can tell you though that spending 8 weeks overseas with someone 24/7 gives you a strong indication of a person's character. Nguyen loves business and has been successful in helping others with ideas, and worked her butt off in her own private ventures. She is good at business and works hard. The drawback of course is that due to her age, let's face it her best years of being productive in business are behind her. She's almost 10 years older than my wife too. Why am I so loyal to loving her? That's a good question. I don't know the answer.

I am always quite sad when I think of the years she spent in the company of the other longterm relationships, and it resonates with me when people suggest that she will do the same to me. I stand to lose a lot here, leaving a woman who stood by me for 20 years and we have kids together and who wants to give away 50% of your assets? 

I can just imagine Nguyen getting her claws into me after I've left my wife, then within a short time pitching me to the curb. Her gambling disease should be enough to just get the heck away from her. Just the thought of all this makes me ill. 

But we've seen each other 24/7 and I see in her a very social, physically fit, highly intelligent woman who likes to be outside. She's affectionate and fills a void that my "bump on a log" wife simply can't compare. I'm probably the greatest fool this forum has seen in a long time.

On the day I posted this thread I nearly cut off Nguyen for the entire day (the first time ever) then late at night we texted and spoke and I was a jerk suggesting we're not such a great couple after all. She listens and tries to keep us together. The next day I missed her. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye, I'll need to get into a recovery clinic or something. What has she done? I can just blame myself.




EleGirl said:


> And because she never worked outside the home, she has fewer options to do things like leave you because you are cheating. So her life choices are very limited.
> 
> And, she never really did have a husband who even liked her, much less really loved her. So while some things were good, a very significance core of her life was rotten.... completely terrible.


Now I have to disagree a bit. My wife took care of a business we ran and worked hard at it, but compared to everyone else in my family it was very cushy. For example my siblings work long hours and commute long hours and get two weeks of vacation a year and have to report to someone who tells them what to do. My wife on the other hand really never set an alarm clock, got busy at 10:30 in the morning and was done by 3:00 or something along those lines. 

We took vacations together and I was the doting, perfect father despite what you may think from my current actions. I read to the kids endlessly, had no real social life outside of the family, organized loads of weekend trips, spent days in the library, never drank, took care of myself, supported a lifestyle in the finest neighborhood, nurtured our kids' now they all have a work ethic, etc. 

All of this compared to what kind of man a woman can expect if she'd married a Thai? Ha. None of my wife's friends from school have anything like what she got. Indeed, even among my siblings and peers I don't know of any who went from that blue collar area into the place we live now. I'm pretty content with what I've done as a father and husband for 20 years. 

In addition, I spent the better part of a year sincerely talking to my wife about the issues that drove me away. She'd listen for a day then never change a thing. For months she'd stay up watching tv until long after I'd gone to bed. That never occurred before. Add in the lack of affection. 

Frankly at this point I don't care if we split, but I don't want it to be me leaving her to go live with Nguyen. I'd rather have a split from her this year then let me go on my own way alone. If that occurs, my first move would be overseas adventure for a type of year sabbatical. Sure I'll miss my younger son but in my line of work a lot of parents send their kids to boarding schools anyway.

On another note, it's interesting someone suggests this could be a tv movie. Well, Nguyen's story is probably more interesting given her escape and all it took to get resettled. If anything, the tv show would just feature me as the village idiot who gave up everything he'd worked for in order to be at her service. At the heart of it, though, I think Nguyen has a deep appreciation for me and wouldn't stray.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Guth said:


> Hi. Nguyen has been around the block a few times but here's the deal, you are wrong about her using men for money. Case in point:
> 
> 1. First husband. She got them a business and worked her ass off and added a few products lines and racked up tens of thousands in cash savings and they had a nice home. She left him but it was her who really wore the pants in terms of ideas and work ethic. He made out like a bandit.
> 
> ...


And a narcissist to boot! And you have the word of a self confessed 'good time' girl as to how the relationship was between her and 3 husbands, and you believe everything she tells you? You are more naive that I thought.
I have lived in Asia for years and believe me when I say there are women like your wife (happy to be married to a Caucasian with money, does the wifely thing, etc. That is probably what attracted you to her in the first place, you probably couldn't handle a Caucasian woman?). The you have the man eaters, who only use people for what they can get out of them, I suspect your GF falls into the latter category,
However, if you want to continue thinking with your small head, go on ahead but have some decency and divorce your wife, let her live the rest of her life in peace away from you.


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

aine said:


> ...you probably couldn't handle a Caucasian woman?


Typical undisguised condescending white racist woman ranting about white guys that marry Asians. Did you have to go there? I don't often respond to overt racism but for the record I spent years of my life in Asia, fluent in the language and we met when I was 23 years old are you happy now? Puke.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Guth when I read your postings you are very very prideful of yourself, what you gave to your wife and children in love and comfort, what you accomplished and how you sacrificed. You did all those things gladly as a man who loves his family and only wants the best for them. I will give you the benefit of doubt and believe what you say, I believe you were a dedicated husband and family man.

Fast forward to now, what changed in your life that suddenly you feel cheated out of something? Why has your wife suddenly become the anchor or bump on the log? Do you resent all those years of being a good husband and father? Do you feel you wasted that part of your life? Were you having these feelings before you met Nguyen or are you looking for excuses to justify your affair with Nguyen? You realize Nguyen has some serious issues and a sketchy past, are you truly that attracted to her qualities or is it simply a matter of she is the opposite of your wife that attracts you?

You are working very hard to validate your affair which tells me there is at least an ounce of guilt in you. That's good because you know what you are doing is wrong, you just think it's not as wrong is being miserable with your wife. Have you asked your wife how she wants to live her life? Is she happy with this phase of her life and is she happy with you as a husband? 

Here's my view Guth, you are disgusted with your old life and your wife has become the focus of your resentment, and resentment is hard to get over. I think you should divorce, it doesn't matter if you end up with Nguyen or not, she may be nothing more than a convenient exit option. Bottom line is you are unhappy with your current life and need change, stop ****ing around just get divorced.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Guth said:


> Hi EleGirl thanks for your comments. To clarify, and maybe you know, but it's not clear to me, I was caught red-handed about two weeks ago. That is the first time I've cheated, and it wasn't just cheating it was an 8 week vacation with another woman. I'm cutting bait with Nguyen. I just HAVE to do it. I know. I will. And I do appreciate the comments here. Thank you.


How old are you and your wife?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Guth said:


> Typical undisguised condescending white racist woman ranting about white guys that marry Asians. Did you have to go there? I don't often respond to overt racism but for the record I spent years of my life in Asia, fluent in the language and we met when I was 23 years old are you happy now? Puke.


Guth, you couldn't be so wrong. I myself am married to an Asian, have mixed kids, many Asian friends, spent many years in Asia (various countries) speak one of the languages fluently so I am NOT racist. What is pissing me off is your absolute disregard for your wife of many years, and take advantage of her cultural response to your affair and all for your own pleasures. You have no moral standing to condemn me on any level or pull the racist card while overlooking your own actions.
So yes my disgust is totally undisguised, for any man who does what you are doing. I truly hope, that in your case, what goes around come around. With any luck your long suffering wife will lose weight, become hot and dump your ass or go off with another guy who appreciates her. Now wouldn't that be karma.
You are in your 40s but act like some love struck teenager who has no self control and is led by his ****! A great example to your kids to be sure.


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## Akfranklin2014 (May 9, 2017)

Am I the only one who sees he keeps calling himself perfect? Perfect father....psh. No one is perfect, but if you were going to claim the title, cheating on your children's mother definitely disqualifies you for being a perfect father. Perfect is something you absolutely are not and you should definitely come off that pedestal...or one day it will be a very rude awakening when you're knocked off.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Guth said:


> Typical undisguised condescending white racist woman ranting about white guys that marry Asians. Did you have to go there? I don't often respond to overt racism but for the record I spent years of my life in Asia, fluent in the language and we met when I was 23 years old are you happy now? Puke.


And yet all your Asian expertise helped you pick a good Asian mate as much as my PhD in psychology helped me pick a good mentally healthy mate, ie not much...


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

john117 said:


> And yet all your Asian expertise helped you pick a good Asian mate as much as my PhD in psychology helped me pick a good mentally healthy mate, ie not much...


LOL.

So when are you going to post a thread? It seems that your 2 year plan for your M and/or D is coming to a head soon.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Tron said:


> LOL.
> 
> So when are you going to post a thread? It seems that your 2 year plan for your M and/or D is coming to a head soon.


Nothing thread-worthy. We're having our discussion this weekend. The fireworks are ready 😀


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Guth said:


> The thing that really blows me away is that, despite her lies and shady history, I am just feeling addicted to her like a drug. Is this common? I was totally loyal for 20 years. This affair is like a drug addiction and I need to shake it.


It IS an addiction. It is LITERALLY AN ADDICTION.

Read all the articles in this search and you will understand.
https://www.google.com/search?q=pea...0j69i57j0l3.1343j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

So the question is, how do you get a drug addict to give up the drug? Intervention. Accountability to someone else, like an AA sponsor. Now, normally, the betrayed spouse will do this for you by kicking you out or exposing to your family. But your wife is clearly too afraid to lose her family/life to do so, so if you're really telling the truth about wanting to stop, it will be up to YOU to do your OWN intervention. Go to your parents and siblings and best friend and pastor and tell them what you've done. Tell them you want to stop. Ask them to help you. Give them access to your phone/computer so they can track what you're doing and call you out on it. Write this girl a No Contact letter and send it; then block her number from everything.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Totally addictive behavior. Look up the definition of addiction. Anything that affects your life negatively that you can't stop doing...... you know what you're doing is wrong, and this woman is trouble, yet you won't stop seeing her.
Voila, you're an addict. You won't stop until it's too freaking late. It's your life......screw it up if you want. You were warned a while ago!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> You won't stop until it's too freaking late. It's your life......screw it up if you want. You were warned a while ago!


Problem is, in the course of screwing up his life, which may be his right, he's screwing up other lives as well, which is not his right.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Problem is, in the course of screwing up his life, which may be his right, he's screwing up other lives as well, which is not his right.


It is his right, since in his mind, he is the center of the universe and everyone else's will is supposed to bend to his-- whatever makes him happy, his wife and kids are just orbiters.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

chillymorn69 said:


> don't be surprised when Nguyen turns out just like your first wife.
> 
> 
> maybe you are the common denominator?


No, after a few months with Nguyen, he can only dream that she would be as good as the first wife (warts and all).


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> It IS an addiction. It is LITERALLY AN ADDICTION.
> 
> Read all the articles in this search and you will understand.
> https://www.google.com/search?q=pea...0j69i57j0l3.1343j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
> ...


Thank you so much for this post. I read through links. Yes I feel like I've become addicted to communication with Nguyen, to the extent of all the neurological issues outlined in the articles which match what I went through. 

I know I MUST stop this. Now as I ponder how, I feel guilty for being part of Nguyen's life for six months, getting introduced to her family, and just cutting her off. That's the only way. It's full of heartache.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you going to tell somebody so you have help?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

turnera said:


> Are you going to tell somebody so you have help?


Of course not! He likes the thrill he is living with this affair high. He is the moth getting zapped by the flame. 

I agree with the poster that stated that this is not fair for his family, especially that younger son of his. He is a teenager trapped in a middle aged man's body. He has cash, credit cards and ranging hormones and the mentality of his youngest son. How sad that a grown a$$ man can become such a cliche at midlife!

All those years of so called perfect behavior trumped by a tramp with a pretty exterior but a rotten interior. Ewwww, anyone in their right mind wouldn't touch that with a 20 foot pole!


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