# My husband is a d--che



## ixlovexplaid (May 22, 2009)

Lately my husband and I have been fighting A LOT. We're in the process of selling our house but I know it _hasn't _been that stressful. Well, basically my husband is very, very traditional. I stay home and clean and take care of our child. But he's just mean. Downright mean. I'm pretty sure he's been stealing my friends things while they've been over (like a ring, an iPod and yesterday a bra) and he treats me like crap. For example, he won't buy me any groceries. He thinks it's because I've been smoking, but I haven't. All I have in my pantry is meatballs and chicken noodle soup. I'm pregnant! I need more than that! Not to mention my 20-month-old! 

And since it's been like this I've been going over to my parent's for dinner with my DD. But my husband got irritated because I was taking "his" car (which is my car that he paid for) everywhere. Thus last night he took the battery out of my car.

Then he took my cell phone because I had taken 5 dollars out of his wallet to get me and my toddler some food yesterday. :-(

I'm so confused. I don't even know what to do, where to start, who to talk to. I'd try to talk to my mom, but she is very traditional as well so she believes as long as he's not hitting me or cheating on me I should be able to work through anything. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and I'm scared I'm going to lose this baby not only because of all this mental stress, but from hunger! And yes, I've tried talking to him, writing him letters, everything under the sun. But I get nothing. No response. He's just a military man with no emotions. Help.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Do you want to stay with him, or leave?


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## ixlovexplaid (May 22, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Do you want to stay with him, or leave?


Honestly? I want to leave him. But I can't. I am in love with him, and I do want my children to grow up with a father. But he's also my life support. I don't have a job and there's no way I could raise two children on my own. I know he'd never hit me, he could be discharged from the military for that (and he works full-time at the base, so that would be bad). And I know he truly loves me. I just want a way to work this all out without having to get counselors involved.

Oh yeah. Another thing.

He's not putting our daughter on his health insurance until he think I've quit smoking.

I'm not smoking. :scratchhead:


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

How is your relationship with him in general. What are the good areas and what are the bad. Why is he preventing you buying food? Are you overweight? 

He does seem to be controlling you. The fact that you don't want out is alarming...


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

truly loves you ...what by with- holding food and not trusting you ?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

since he is military, you have many options others don't...
for instance, you have other military wives who can be a good source of support for you as well as the ability to set up an
appointment with his C. O. ( his boss) about your problems so that you can be directed where to go for help be in counseling or 
food stamp office. If you live on base, special considerations could be made for you to obtain food too.
Many people in your situation do not have those options, so you should seek help first through other military wives on where help may be found for you in the way of food and perhaps 
too, find a resource through military to help with the marriage problems and your husbands mean-ness.

I guess you are alos using military medical for your pregnancy? 
you can also speak to the base doctor about your issues with food. Doctor may be able to helo very much.


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## ixlovexplaid (May 22, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> How is your relationship with him in general. What are the good areas and what are the bad. Why is he preventing you buying food? Are you overweight?
> 
> He does seem to be controlling you. The fact that you don't want out is alarming...


I'm like 10 pounds overweight. But I'm also pregnant. And when he met me I was like 50 pounds overweight. I've actually LOST weight since we've been together, so I know it's not because he wants me to be thinner.

And yes, he's always been VERY controlling. Very, very controllng. And unfortunately I don't live on base, nor do I know any of the other wives. We live an hour away from base right now (which is why we're moving) so I haven't met ANYBODY. He's not active duty, he's a works as a civilian up there. But you have to be in the Air Force to work the civilian job. 

Anyway, it's been like this for a long time. And I'm just so... confused. I'm very young and I know everyone is counting on me to make this work so I'm not just another "stupid" "naive" girl who falls into an dumb marriage. 

By the way, I had my first when I was 19. I'm now 21 with my second. The father/my husband is 6 years older than me.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

ixlovexplaid said:


> I'm very young and I know everyone is counting on me to make this work so I'm not just another "stupid" "naive" girl who falls into an dumb marriage.


You should not have to worry about what the rest of the world thinks about you. 

You did not say what's good in your relationship... is there anything good?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Tell your ob/gyn
if your not getting enough food, they will call
someone from social services to check it out and
maybe through a social service site, they 
will help you in leaving him too...

be sure you tell people around you, in case he decides to off you, 
someone will be looking for you.


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## ixlovexplaid (May 22, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> You should not have to worry about what the rest of the world thinks about you.
> 
> You did not say what's good in your relationship... is there anything good?


He's very, very good with our daughter.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

ixlovexplaid said:


> He's very, very good with our daughter.


And that's it?


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Errrr,

Something is not right with orginal poster, you hubby a military person or works for the military.

A woman of this post would have so much backup in her life.

Please enlighten us.


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## ixlovexplaid (May 22, 2009)

preso said:


> Tell your ob/gyn
> if your not getting enough food, they will call
> someone from social services to check it out and
> maybe through a social service site, they
> ...


"Off" me? As in kill me?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

yeah....

husbands do that sometimes, mean ones.
Happens you know, and quite a bit. Google husband kills wife and you'll get like a billion hits, stories from all over the world.


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## ixlovexplaid (May 22, 2009)

johnamos said:


> Errrr,
> 
> Something is not right with orginal poster, you hubby a military person or works for the military.
> 
> ...


No, wrong. He is not active duty, we do not live on base, I literally only know one other military wife - and luckily I had taken down her number a couple of weeks ago. I actually just texted her. I am not a troll. I am in dire need of help. My parents are here for me, but I feel like they're biased because they are traditional. All of my friends already hate him, so I need a clean slate with people I don't know.

Please don't think I'm trolling, I promise you I'm not.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

ixlovexplaid said:


> No, wrong. He is not active duty, we do not live on base, I literally only know one other military wife - and luckily I had taken down her number a couple of weeks ago. I actually just texted her. I am not a troll. I am in dire need of help. My parents are here for me, but I feel like they're biased because they are traditional. All of my friends already hate him, so I need a clean slate with people I don't know.
> 
> Please don't think I'm trolling, I promise you I'm not.


If your in contact with your parents and only 21, I'm sure they will help you or at least help you move somewhere closer to a doctor... as your preg and will need not only medical care but a way to get to the hosptial when its time to have the baby... and a million things before then.
I doubt no matter how traditional your parents are, they are NOT going to let you starve to death, more so since your preg.
Far as help, seek it from people you already know or you could end up in a far worse place than you already are.
Your parents should be at the top of the list as your just 21.


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Thank you for clarification, no not troller meant.

I know many military people and was thrown back by your post as support is #1 even in a falling apart relationship.

No do not feel that way


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

also check into womens shelters
should he try to keep you from seeking
medical care with your preg...


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## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

ixlovexplaid said:


> He's not putting our daughter on his health insurance until he think I've quit smoking.
> 
> I'm not smoking. :scratchhead:


But you said he was very very good with her? Does she have any health insurance right now?


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Why is he preventing you buying food? Are you overweight?


Whether or not she is, it's no legitimate reason for his behavior.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

ixlovexplaid-

It's hard to tell from only hearing one side, but from the way you tell it, he sounds beyond controlling - he sounds mentally ill. However little you care about your own happiness, you still have a legal (and moral) duty of care to your young ones. Think about that.


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## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

nightshade said:


> Whether or not she is, it's no legitimate reason for his behavior.



Well, there can be reasons - I have a friend that refuses to stock any food in the house because if it is in the fridge or the pantry, his wife will eat it. He said that once he bought a bucket of KFC, dropped it off to go get something else, came back, and she had eaten the entire thing! Didn't leave him a wing! 

But I digress... I agree with MT here - it sounds like a mental illness. Has he been evaluated? Working on base, one would think that is standard practice. 

There is no reason he is treating you the way he is. 

I'm not advocating risking your well being - but have you tried standing up for yourself? 

Doing things like witholding food and imprisoning you (by disabling the car) ARE abuse. He doesn't need to hit you to be abusive!!!


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

WHY did you marry this person??? Do you like to be treated with disrespect and controlled? Did you think you didn't deserve any better? Or were you just desperate to get married to have a father for your child? You are still very young and unfortunately have made some bad decisions with your life. I don't see this union lasting at all. You need to make some serious decisions about the direction your life is going to go and how to handle raising your children. See a therapist ASAP. Do not tell your husband. Try to gain some perspective as to why you're in the pickle your in. Sounds to me like your husband isn't going to change. You need to leave him but do it when the time is right and you've got a plan in place. Hammer out the visitation and support issues later.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I can't believe this is the second post about a pregant woman getting no support from her husband. I agree with previous replies that some of the stunts he has pulled are abusive. If you can't muster up the strength to help yourself, at least do it for the children.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I can hardly believe a poster on this thread asked this woman if the reason he was witholding food, was because she was overweight.

what a freakish question, it is mind boggling what some people
will think and say !
you should be ashamed of yourself to ask this or even think it.


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