# Problems coping with wifes affair



## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

A few years ago my wife and I met a couple who were new to our area, they had kids as do my wife and I. From the moment I met the husband there was something about him which made me uncomfortable but my wife was keen to build the friendship despite my concerns. We holidayed with this family and regularly socialized with them. The husband coached our son in baseball and my wife became very close to the other wife. 
We have been married for 17 years and I thought we had a very strong bond, as with most families we were always very busy with kids, work etc etc. My wife and I are very social as were this other couple and blind freddy could see the connection between my wife and the other husband. The other couple were having some marriage (surprise surprise) and financial problems at the time and the other wife confided in my wife about their issues, my wife provided a shoulder to cry on and told her she needed to fight for her marriage. After every social event or party we would fight about her flirting and she would yell and scream about how I didn't trust her, what was my problem, I was anti social etc etc. She agreed for the sake of our marriage to cool the relationship with this couple. My wife handled all the household finances but one day I opened a phone bill, in a one month period there were about 100 texts and phone calls to this guys mobile number, her explanation was that she had caught him having coffee with another woman and he admitted to having an affair and my wife was helping him through it. I didn't believe this BS for a minute but I had no proof, she agreed to no further contact. 
Fast forward 8 months and the other wife through her own investigations was able to find proof that infact my wife and her husband were having the affair and had been for about 18 months, she told my wife that if she didn't tell me about the affair then she would, my wife woke me before work one morning at 4.30am and admitted to the affair, she admitted to meeting him in a motel on a "few" occasions which I later found out was about 15 times. She used the old line that she wasn't in a good place at the time and he said all the right things, all the usual justifications. Looking back over the last 18 months it's clear my wife ran two very separate lives, she told lie after lie to protect the affair. Given the lies and way she treated the other wife all her female friends have deserted her.
This guy is a showman and a con and I believe that he sweet talked my wife into bed and she was just sucked in by the whole thing, which doesn't make it any better, she still was able to run a very devious double life. She is very remorseful and is doing everything to put things right but I don't think I can put this behind us, there are too many grubby branches of the affair that I just can't get past. This person who I trusted and confided in for 17 years has committed the ultimate betrayal, I just don't trust her anymore, she admits she was sucked in but it just doesn't cut it. 15 meetings in a motel room in my books doesn't constitute a mistake or a lapse in judgement. 
Initially I thought that I might have been part of the initial problem but I have convinced myself that nothing about this was my fault, I am a good honest husband,father and provider. If there wa a problem she should have talked to me, communication has never been a problem, or so I thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How long back was this?


----------



## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

Recently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

How long ago was the exposure of the affair? 

Don't make any rash decisions. Give yourself time to process what has happened. If you need space, ask your wife to move out for a while. Is she in independent counseling? Are you? You need counseling to help you sort out the trauma you are going through? 

Is the other man (OM) gone for good or is he still lurking? You need to make sure she is no longer in contact with him. Don't take her word for it that the affair is over. They may have just taken it underground. 

One way to verify is to install a digital VAR (voice activated recorder) under the seat of her car to catch any cell phone conversations she may be having with him. You can pick one up at BestBuy for $60.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Life is short, don't waste another day living in misery and divorce her.

Edit: Kick her ass to the curb, think about the example you're setting to your kids. Do you want them to see cheating as normal?


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Don't worry about the number of times they had sex. 15 times in almost 2 years? Don't make me laugh. Pretty sure they did it at your house or his many more times. Hard to accept but it is the truth.

Your wife is a very devious woman. The betrayal was deliberate and calculated. When you mentioned your problems with him, not only did she make it your problem, she took it underground and continued it as long as she could. She even lied to you about him having an affair with another woman. 18 months is a pretty long time. She did not end the affair out of her own, but she was forced to. She will most likely resume the affair once things settle down a bit. She most likely did not use any protectiuon with him and exposed you to potential STDs. Get immediately tested for STDs. Also, if you had a kids within the last 2 years, get a paternity check. The betrayal is huge and devastating

And don't make the decision to divorce yet. Take some more time to decide on it when the emotions aren't so raw. It wouldn't be wrong if you decide to separate after an incident like this. The burden is on her. Of course, she would be remorseful. Who else does she have to turn to? She lost her friends and social circle.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

OP,

You do not carry on an affair for a year and a half without calculated, cunning, deceptive decision making.

15 sessions is just the tip of the iceberg I`m afraid.

How long ago did you discover the affair?
Don`t rush into anything right now, you may want to get some space between the two of you to clear your mind and make a decision.

How is your wife acting?


----------



## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Another tough thing about it being your wife and neighbor is that if you try to R -- you will probaly trigger everyday as OM was a neighbor and will see his wife (maybe OM) most days or drive past your house. Your kids are probably friends with his kids -- another issue and daily trigger.

Whether you R or D -- look at your financial situation and move out of that house ASAP. Otherwise if you R -- and OM is still married to his wife and they R -- would make staying together even more difficult.

I am not saying run away -- I am saying starting over for you and your kids -- I am not concerned about your wife.

One last thing -- 18 months is along time for her being in a "bad place". That IMO is total BS.

Her relationship (affair) lasted longer than some normal relationships and would still be going on if she wasn't forced to tell you.

In 18 months -- I would think she also developed some "I Love You" feelings for OM.

Take your time -- YOU are now in CONTROL. YOU DECIDE NEXT STEPS.


----------



## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. Honestly this other guy is such a loser, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete. 

What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Lmodel said:


> Initially I thought that I might have been part of the initial problem but I have convinced myself that nothing about this was my fault, I am a good honest husband,father and provider. If there wa a problem she should have talked to me, communication has never been a problem, or so I thought.


Correct. You gave her plenty of warnings, too. It probably went on almost from the beginning due to the fact that "blind freddy" could see the attraction, plus your immediate bad vibe from OM. Assume they started up almost immediately. Based on what you've said, your wife was not seduced. She leveraged her position as counselor to BW to obtain knowledge to pursue OM and/or monitor BW's knowledge of their adulterous activities.

Have you had any kids since they met?

Also gotta agree with Warlock that there were many more uh, "meetings" than 15. For some reason, long term adulteresses usually have an insane compulsion to do it in your bed and derive intense satisfaction from same. Dinner table, too. They get off on remembering that stuff every time you set down to eat.

I applaud your decision to divorce, but do the DNA first if the dates of the friendship and conception overlap in any way.


----------



## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Lmodel said:


> Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. Honestly this other guy is such a loser, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
> 
> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are giving her way to much credit. She did NOT confess to you on her own -- she was forced to by OMW.

She would still be in the affair.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Machiavelli has a great point.

Your wife not only deceived and lied to you but she befriended the OMW and pretended to be her support in order to use what she was told in confidence to **** her husband.

Jesus that`s a seriously immoral ..well..it ain`t nice!


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Lmodel said:


> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, its just that you haven't been able to see her true character till now.

Seriously an 18 month affair that you had to dig up for her to confess, do you seriously think she is genuinely remorseful? She is only sorry that you caught her not for sleeping around.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Lmodel said:


> Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. Honestly this other guy is such a loser, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
> 
> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Surprise!! She has no one but you now. Her circle dumped her, didn't they?

And this is not definitely out of character for her . This is not a one night stand. This is definitely out of character for the image you built of her in your mind though.

And if the grass had been greener and if the OM was willing to take her with the kids, you think she would be with you?


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Lmodel said:


> Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. Honestly this other guy is such a loser, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
> 
> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.


There are biological imperatives involved here that most people do not want to face up to for a variety of reasons. Have you ever heard of LTR game, PUA game or so-called "evolutionary psychology?" If not, check out this site for an explanation of what is going on with women in their 30's: Married Man Sex Life or if you like your meat raw, check out Roissy.
The above is not in any PC, but they contain much hard won wisdom.


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Lmodel said:


> My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe.


It can be difficult, sometimes, to parse out what is true remorse, and what is just guilt and shame at being caught. They can appear to be confusingly similar at first. Guilt and shame are her negative feelings at losing something that meant a lot to her and annoyance that her comfortable position has been destroyed; remorse is primarily shown by ACTIONS.

Those actions include: total transparency (i.e., sharing of all phones, facebook accounts, email accounts, texting, passwords, computers, etc.); accounting for her whereabouts; answering questions sincerely; avoiding trickle truth once it's pointed out (they all do it); agreeing to meet with the therapist and fully admitting all the LIES; writing a letter of no contact to the OM that you send certified mail (coordinate with the OMW), just to name a few.


----------



## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

Machiavelli and Tacoma, I agree, the way she treated the other wife was appalling and I have said to her that if we have any chance of moving forward she needs to work out in her head how she was able to do that to someone. I suggest thats why most of her friends have deserted her. 
I'm over saying "that's what you get when you do something like this"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Lmodel said:


> Machiavelli and Tacoma, I agree, the way she treated the other wife was appalling and I have said to her that if we have any chance of moving forward she needs to work out in her head how she was able to do that to someone. I suggest thats why most of her friends have deserted her.
> I'm over saying "that's what you get when you do something like this"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So it sounds like she is primarily mourning not just the loss of her OM but also her social circle. That sounds like a pity party, not remorse.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think what she did to the OMW was utterly cruel. She used her status of friend to blindside and cheat with her husband. Think about the mindset of a person who can do it to their best friend? 

Even in such pain, the OMW informed you.You should thank her for it. Talk to her if you can. Is the OMW divorcing her H? I'm sure your W had a few more discussion with the OM before confessing to you.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

18 months and neighbors, only in motels come on. They did it in you house in your bed many many times. Ask your wife is she at least changed the sheets after having sex in your marriage bed.her response will show you they did it there.

I would say divorce her.let the looser have her,she's cheap and you yourself can really do much much better than her. Who cares that she is suddenly remorseful now that she is caught. The times you asked her and even confronted her, she had no remorse, no guilt, and likely laughed at how clueless you were when she met her OM next.

When she blew your questions off and lied she showed her true colors and true loyalty. After all your years together she tossed you aside for that looser. Her friends new and dumped her, you should follow their wise ldecusion and dump her too.

Why oh why would you want someone you can trust and who would let a looser like the OM humiliate you like the teo of the have.

Remember to expose the affair to friends and family so they also know whsere her loyalties and love lie.

I recommend you dump your bed into the trash and buy yourself a nice new one. Let her sleep on the couch, or in the car with the OM she has chosen over you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, and offer to buy the OMW dinner and even a nice vacation. The two of you should consider ditching your cheating spouses and go someplace nice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

One more thing, post the OM and your wife on cheaterville.com where they can be amongst their peers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Lmodel said:


> Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. Honestly this other guy is such a loser, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
> 
> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's only upset that she got caught. She only admitted to the affair because she was about to be outed. The lies could have continued on for many years if not for OM wife. Take this into account in any decision you make. Sorry you're here.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

DEMAND her a detailed written timeline of the affair; calendar in hand she'd use whatever she need to jag her memory, and warn her she will have to back it up with a polygraph. You will see how the around 15 hotel encounters become hundreds of right under your nose sneaking BJs, morning quikies, defiling both houses, cars, strange places... better I stop here. About the ''out of character'' you are luklily to find out more OMs in the past. You don't enter in such a cruel huge double betrayal in one step.


----------



## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

Lmodel said:


> she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
> 
> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She didn't realize crap. The cow got caught grazing in some else's pasture. ( and would in all likelihood still be do it.) Your problem is that even if you reconcile, you'll be thinking about her actions months and maybe years from now. You may see it as out of character but her actions tell it like it is. Just hope that if they met at the motel on Wednesday afternoons, you didn't give her oral sex Wednesday evenings.


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

As jh52 said, she'd still be in the affair had the OM's wife not found out. This is not remorse you're witnessing, it's face saving. You'd have to be a pretty cold person to pretend to help your friend with her marital problems while at the same time sleep with her husband.


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Your wife is a real piece of work. Her behavior is disgusting. She has played you for a fool for the past 18 months and her behavior toward the OW was repulsive.

She had no intention of ever telling you and would have continued to play you for a fool but she was forced to tell you. If the roles were reversed your wife would be at a lawyer's right now.
1. You need to be tested for STD's.
2. You need to contact a lawyer to understand your options.

She was willing to destroy her marriage, humiliate her husband and put you at risk for STD's. They must have had a great time laughing behind your back. She banged this guy at least 15 times at a hotel. Do you feel proud and special that she is your wife. She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. She engaged in this affair for 18 months probably because she knew you would forgive anyway so she had nothing to lose. She has engaged in total humiliation and emasculation of you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

OP,

Others have said it well.
You have not mentioned anything about your feelings, health, kids after the affair is discovered.
First, read the newbies link.
Take good care of yourself and kids first. Your wife wantonly went into the affair. This is certain. Dont take any part of the blame yourself.

Are you in counseling?

First take care.


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Imo'I don't think she ever thought the grass was greener.She's just a cake eater who wanted what she wanted and too bad for you and the wife,as all that mattered was her.If this was my wife I was looking at,then I'd be looking at a total f'n stranger.To me anyway.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lmodel said:


> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*And you know this because...?*

Is it out of character or do you only know about this affair because the neighbour's wife forced your wife's hand?

You need to ask your wife if there is anything else from the past she needs to tell you about.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Lmodel said:


> Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. *Honestly this other guy is such a loser*, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
> 
> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That's not true. Allow me to be frank. If he truly was a loser, your wife wouldnt have been interested in him for the last 2 years. She obviously found qualities in him she liked -- that will never change.

And she's not remorseful. Because if she was, she would had told you herself and not forced by the other woman. Besides, she enjoyed the affair and developed feelings for her lover over the last 2 years. This is not something that can be turned off instantly -- right?


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

You got one piece of colossally bad advice here. *DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOME.* if any moves it is her.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

LModel---where is your mind at??????

This woman you call a wife----SHE ARGUED WITH YOU, AND LITERALLY DESTROYED HER LOVERS WIFE---so she could keep her tryst going.

I wanna ask you something---what do you see in the mirror, when you are in front of it----what do you see in the mirror when the filth that claims to be your wife is in front of it.

She has been with him----well lets even tone, it down time wise,---to one year---that is 365 days---and you think they have only been together 15 times,---get a new adding machine

What is it you do not understand about THAT SHE ARGUED YELLED SCREAMED AT YOU, when you tried to protect your own mge.---SHE LIED WITH EVERY WORD OUT OF HER MOUTH----How do you stand to be in the same room with her, the stench must be terrible

You certainly do not need any advise from me-------the perfect advise for you to follow ---IS----that, that her own circle of friends applied to her----THEY DROPPED/DUMPED HER.----Nuff said-------good luck to you, and your sub-conscious, and the thing that calls herself your wife.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

KanDo said:


> You got one piece of colossally bad advice here. *DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOME.* if any moves it is her.


Moving out of your house can be seen as child abandonment by the courts if you decide to divorce. If someone leaves do your best to make it your wife. In ant event stay put.

How many kids do you have?

What has your wife done to help you through this? Is it all about her?


----------



## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Lmodel said:


> My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe.


She's upset because she had to end the affair but wants to project that she it’s because she hurt you. I've experienced this before.




> What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.


Apparently its not, you just don't know your wife.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Moving out of your house can be seen as child abandonment by the courts if you decide to divorce. If someone leaves do your best to make it your wife. In ant event stay put.


And even if it's not seen by the court as abandonment, per se, it establishes a status quo that favors the wife: she in the house with the kids, you in the ratty apartment or a friend's couch. Most courts by default will seek to maintain the status quo. So you've just wound up screwing yourself for the foreseeable future.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

If your wife truly loved you, she would of not slept or had a relationship with another man period! She is using you for a roof over her head and it's convenient for her. 

Your better off divorcing her. I doubt for a second she'd remain faithful to you ever.

She's a piece of work! Not only she deceived you, she deceived the woman who she "befriended". What a mean malicious woman she is!


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Your posts put a lot of the blame on the OM. Too much. Your wife carried on an affair for a very long time, and pretended that all was well with you. She only told you when she had no other choice. I think you need to accept that she is being guided to reconciliation by consequences that may impact her, but certainly not you. She feels bad because of losing friends, social status, or looking stupid. Not a lot of feeling bad because she broke you, as a man. And for two years, this was a deliberate act on her part, only stopped by someone else.


----------



## jane_ro (Jun 1, 2012)

I feel for you. I'm a wife so I will not say I know exactly how you feel. My husband deceived me once too, and believe me, it hurt like hell. That episode has long been forgotten because I chose to. I didn't say forget about it and start anew. I know its not as simple as that. What I'm saying is, you have a choice. To wallow in self pity and let the whole thing destroy you and your family or Divorce her if you want, hate her, ex communicate her BUT for your sake, move on and let go.


----------



## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

jane_ro said:


> I feel for you. I'm a wife so I will not say I know exactly how you feel. My husband deceived me once too, and believe me, it hurt like hell. That episode has long been forgotten because I chose to. I didn't say forget about it and start anew. I know its not as simple as that. What I'm saying is, you have a choice. To wallow in self pity and let the whole thing destroy you and your family or Divorce her if you want, hate her, ex communicate her BUT for your sake, move on and let go.


I absolutely cannot understand your advice. He is still reeling in shock from this. He hasn't even had a chance to thoroughly process this and you are telling him to "move on and let go?" Three weeks after Dday? 

I don't consider it wallowing in self pity to take time to figure out what you want and need before moving in one direction or another.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

The thin strand of rope that your wife was holding onto has now turned into a hangman's noose, firmly entangled around her neck. It is now time to open the "trap door" to divorce.

Provided there is no prenup in place and that you are in a community property setting, do not opt for the "no-fault" divorce. Go at it from "at-fault," go after custody of the kids, and go after getting her sorry bones extricated from your home.

This is deception and betrayal at its absolute worst!


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

What a cruel woman


Disgusting. I don't know how you can share a bed with her.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

18 months, neighbors, a reckless cruel cheating wife and you believe that its only 15 times at motel. REALLY?
They where banging on your bed, couch, dining table and you name it they did it there. Take your marital bed out to your lawn and burn it to ashes let others see that. Give you couches for charity.

She is surely not remorseful, because she is a cunning cheater, she not only cheated you, her friends but also OMW in a horrible Horrible way without any guilt, else she might have stoped it when you confronted her insted she yelled and screamed at you said you are anti social and mae you a fool, They may have laughed their a$$out saying you are so clueless and a champ.but in a day she turned into very remorseful. Where she hide the switch, which when turned on suddenly made her very remorseful?

If she was not compelled to out herself to you she may have been banging OM on your bed right now. What happend to her guilt and remorse when she was banging him under your nose and pretended everything was fine and gave you sloppy seconds after OM banging her A$$ out.

How can a person with a trace of respect for her husband or marriage can bang OM right under your nose with sneaky BJs and quickies when you turns your head around. 

Her betrayal is ultimate and for a long time, her remorse is because she got caught and ashamed and afraid to face the consequences. There should be consequences for her ultimate cruel betrayal.Give D paper to her and walk away with your head held high. You are a good man you deserve better.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

How gullible are you---really????----You say you think your wife was sweet talked into this---give us all a break!!!!

Your wife F'ING FOUGHT YOU ---to be able to be with this guy----she destroyed the innocent other wife---she was so brazen that her own circle of friends disowned her-------what more do you want/need

You can stay with her, obviously-----you and no one else lives in your shoes---but what I really wanna know is how do you stand to look at her/touch her/talk to her

Do you really think another TRUE word will ever come from her lips.-------She has destroyed her own flesh and blood kids---even if you suck it up, and stay----your household is not one that any normal person would ever wanna live in.

I doubt very much she will have guilt/shame/true remorse----what she is gonna have is LONGING FOR HER LOST LOVER---as for you, who knows----only you can decide what you will do---but this woman who claims to be your wife, and your children's mother---she certainly doesn't deserve to lay claim to being a mother, in any way shape or form---for a mother would never do to her kids, what this woman did to them----they were right in front of her everyday---AS SHE PLANNED/SCHEMED/CONNIVED/LIED---so she could go and screw her lover-------right there with her own kids, who she should have done anything/everything to keep them safe---and off she went, knowing she was destroying their lives---did she care-----NOT ONE IOTA

This person all of a sudden is remorseful---give me a break!!!!!!


----------



## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

Give it some time, talk to your wife, make your own judgments about how remorseful she is and whether you can reconcile. I know it's tough, but from the perspective of someone who's been on both sides, I know that these things happen. Affairs often don't have more significance than momentary thrills used in a fight against boredom.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> One more thing, post the OM and your wife on cheaterville.com where they can be amongst their peers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The OM in my case has had over 1.4 milion hits since January on Cheaterville.com. Just my little victory and my little happy place.

If you are going to try R I would not put the wife there though it was very tempting for me at the beginning and I almost did. A friend I served with in Iraq told me not to do it, he knows my wife and told me to D. Well I listened to half of what he told me.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey martin---so your telling the OP---that his so called wife's THREE YEAR mge., to her lover, was her way of some tawdry sex to offset boredom---BOREDOM FOR 3 YEARS, that would still be going on, were it not for a little bit of karma that went the betrayed's way----I think you need to rethink your thinking on this particular situation.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Hey martin---so your telling the OP---that his so called wife's THREE YEAR mge., to her lover, was her way of some tawdry sex to offset boredom---BOREDOM FOR 3 YEARS, that would still be going on, were it not for a little bit of karma that went the betrayed's way----I think you need to rethink your thinking on this particular situation.


How is bashing the OP supposed to help him? I hope someone treated you better.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

chapparal said:


> How is bashing the OP supposed to help him? I hope someone treated you better.


He needs a good 2x4 to the head to realize how much he's been played.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

keko said:


> He needs a good 2x4 to the head to realize how much he's been played.


You must really think he's stupid. Don't you pretty much always recommend divorce.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

chapparal said:


> You must really think he's stupid. Don't you pretty much always recommend divorce.


I don't think he is stupid or anyone for that matter. Just the actions or inactions are stupid.

Yes I almost always recommend divorce for betrayed spouse's.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Chap---read again---I didn't bash OP,

Martin said---some A's are nothing more than cheap sex, to offset boredom--

--my comeback, was I don't think a 3 year A., fits into cheap sex offsetting boredom---if she percieved their mge., was boring, same old, same old, for 3 years, there are problems---but basically all mge's slow down, the further we get into them---

---but a 3 year full on A., that is a different matter all together---it is like she had a 2nd H.-----boredom, did not cause her to have a 3 year A.----she LOVED her AP, 

one does not just have cheap sex due to boredom---cuz after a while the cheap sex gets boring----3 year A., is an animal of a different kind.---that's what I meant---there was no bashing of anyone except the cheater.


----------

