# Dating out of your league.



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I am a 55 year old divorced male, intelligent, confident, a successful business owner, there's not much that rattles me. Last night I met a woman for a meet and greet, talking to her on the phone I knew she was intelligent and successful but in person this woman blew me away to the point I felt intimidated! I truly felt this woman was superior to me in almost every aspect, I can't say that has ever happened to me before, I have met and dealt with a lot of high powered individuals and never felt inferior. It was strange because she was as nice as can be, nothing pretentious or arrogant about her, it even seems like she likes me, yet I felt inferior. Oh and she is damn attractive to boot!

Maybe the reality is I'm insecure, lol, by the time we finished talking I was thinking to myself I could only disappoint this woman.

So as my mind runs amok I'm wondering if relationships like this ever work out. Any of you ever met someone who just blew away your own self worth yet ended up in a successful relationship with them? I'm not talking arm candy or trophy spouses, I'm talking actual loving relationships.

I am actually nervous about seeing her again, I can't believe how she rattled me.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Well, you'll never take her for granted! If she's all that, imagine how difficult it must be for her to find someone compatible. So even though you think she may be out of your league, she may consider you to be a real find. However, lack of confidence could doom you, so relax and go with it and enjoy the ride, wherever it leads.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Cooper said:


> I am a 55 year old divorced male, intelligent, confident, a successful business owner, there's not much that rattles me. Last night I met a woman for a meet and greet, talking to her on the phone I knew she was intelligent and successful but in person this woman blew me away to the point I felt intimidated! I truly felt this woman was superior to me in almost every aspect, I can't say that has ever happened to me before, I have met and dealt with a lot of high powered individuals and never felt inferior. It was strange because she was as nice as can be, nothing pretentious or arrogant about her, it even seems like she likes me, yet I felt inferior. Oh and she is damn attractive to boot!
> 
> Maybe the reality is I'm insecure, lol, by the time we finished talking I was thinking to myself I could only disappoint this woman.
> 
> ...


She could be thinking the same thing about you. :smile2:

Both of you sound like wonderful catches. Have fun and be confident!


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Cooper, what exactly is your "League", and more to the point, why do you see dating and romance as some competitive event? And, in all that self loathing, exactly where is her opinion of you? Does she score you as you do? I'd doubt it.

I recall a Woody Allen movie....I'm showing my age here...I think it was Annie Hall...where he says "I would never be a member of a club that would have me as a member".

Get over yourself here and remember that what you think of yourself isn't nearly as important as what SHE thinks of you. Make the call, if she agrees to see you, that tells you all you need to know, for now anyways....go out to dinner, and let's chat afterwards.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Agree with the first part of what Unicus states, but actually what you think of yourself is more important than what a woman thinks...don't worry so much with what women think of you, be yourself, be confident. If it is the right fit, it will just fit.  No one is 'better' than anyone else.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Just remember... no matter how hot or successful a woman is, some guy out there is sick and tired of her $h!t


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

let put emotions aside for a sec if we can Cooper, think of this as a potential business relationship with perks if you will. When assessing any relationship of this kind you you assess their assets and yours, now on the surface you might be weighing her assets with potential more weigh than yours but what you don't know yet is if those assets are truly what they are or a potential liability. so why would you belittle your own assets with out truly knowing if what she has is legitimate, and even if you do discover they are legitimate, she may see them as undervalued and therefore a perfect setup for your ability to establish great relationship with her. Confidence and attention is the key here.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Agree with the first part of what Unicus states, but actually what you think of yourself is more important than what a woman thinks...don't worry so much with what women think of you, be yourself, be confident. If it is the right fit, it will just fit.  No one is 'better' than anyone else.


Methinks you should agree with everything Unicus says....:grin2:

Too many people get in their own way b/c too many people are thinking too much about themselves. The solution to "Low self esteem" in dating situations is often to direct your energy AWAY from your thoughts about yourself, and towards the messages the other person is sending. It's easier to say "be self confident" than it is to actually accomplish that...and it's easiest to side step that rabbit hole entirely by thinking not so much about yourself, but the other person.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Cooper said:


> I am a 55 year old divorced male, intelligent, confident, a successful business owner, there's not much that rattles me. Last night I met a woman for a meet and greet, talking to her on the phone I knew she was intelligent and successful but in person this woman blew me away to the point I felt intimidated! I truly felt this woman was superior to me in almost every aspect, I can't say that has ever happened to me before, I have met and dealt with a lot of high powered individuals and never felt inferior. It was strange because she was as nice as can be, nothing pretentious or arrogant about her, it even seems like she likes me, yet I felt inferior. Oh and she is damn attractive to boot!
> 
> Maybe the reality is I'm insecure, lol, by the time we finished talking I was thinking to myself I could only disappoint this woman.
> 
> ...


Well, I dated out of my league with my wife. We have been together since 1989, so yes, things can work out.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

I'm wondering where we can find the parameters for said "leagues" to find out which "League" any one individual would qualify for, and thus know if we're eligible to date said individual?


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

Are you familiar with the ex NFL star wide receiver Chad "Ochocinco " Johnson? He admitted he has a thing for Rihanna but recognizes that she is out of his league. Im kind of surprised that either one of you would feel that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I briefly dated a man I felt was WAY out of my league! Not only was he super hot (hot like he renders women stupid, hot!) but he totally had his sh1t together in a way that I could only dream of for myself. Amazing catch, and I was very much NOT worthy! That was the first time I had ever experienced that. Im sure if we had managed to stay together that he would have had a really good influence on me, he is just that kind of person.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

I dated a man that I thought was way out of my league - and eventually married him! Been happily married for almost 30 years!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Just go for it.What have you got to lose.If it doesn't work out your still going to have a good time.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Yep, and I married her. 20 years later and it's the best decision I ever made.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Cooper said:


> I am a 55 year old divorced male, intelligent, confident, a successful business owner, there's not much that rattles me. Last night I met a woman for a meet and greet, talking to her on the phone I knew she was intelligent and successful but in person this woman blew me away to the point I felt intimidated! I truly felt this woman was superior to me in almost every aspect, I can't say that has ever happened to me before, I have met and dealt with a lot of high powered individuals and never felt inferior. It was strange because she was as nice as can be, nothing pretentious or arrogant about her, it even seems like she likes me, yet I felt inferior. Oh and she is damn attractive to boot!
> 
> Maybe the reality is I'm insecure, lol, by the time we finished talking I was thinking to myself I could only disappoint this woman.
> 
> ...


I met someone like this when I was newly single and dating on line. At the time I was feeling very insecure, just turned 50, single and living in an appt. She was slightly younger and had her life, finances and everything in order. I just couldn't imagine what she might see in me.

I did contact her and we went out on a few dates that went really well but there wasn't any spark and she was sort of involved with someone in a long distance relationship and he was the one who wanted to keep it casual and not commit.

We are still close friends and my wife and I go out with her and her (new) boyfriend occasionally. However when I was speaking to her I realized that no matter what someone appears to be they can have the same issues, insecurities and self doubts as the rest of us.

Go for it and just be yourself. She probably doesn't get asked out by people who are intimidated by her and spends her life fending off idiots.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Maybe she is thinking the same thing about you. 

You guys might be an awesome couple!!! Go for it!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Appearances may be deceiving. 

My wife would fit the lady's description quite well, superbly educated and earning, very good shape, clothes, looks, cultured, high tastes, etc. Talks nicely.

I know better 😂

Try to see past the Kevlar facade and see what you think.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

My fiancée speaks 3 languages fluently and a fourth fairly well.
She is a double-board certified specialist m.d.
She probably has me by 25-35 IQ points, and I'm not a complete idiot, myself.
Yes, she's attractive as well.  Taller than me if she wears really high heels. Has her stuff together, makes 4 times what I make.
Not at all snobby.

I also felt like she was out of my league a little. Even had a coworker tell me that. 

Guess what? She's got problems just like everyone else. She does not have a flawless body. She is just a person.

So is your lady. She takes a poo and farts just like everyone else. Wakes up with bad breath, worries about things she knows about herself that aren't perfect.

You need to give this woman a shot, realizing she's just a regular person and is just looking for that special person that makes her happy just like everyone else.

I'm not a super attractive man. I'm bald, not the tallest guy, big nose, etcetera. But she loves me and thinks I'm the hottest guy out there and tells me so often. 

If this lady falls in love with you, she will only see your good qualities, will think you are totally handsome whether you are or not, etcetera.

Just go have a good time with her and don't worry about impressing her. Try to make sure YOU are having a great time--- most likely if you are, she will be, too.

And realize, there is no "league". There is only whether or not you and her have fun together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

@Unicus
"I recall a Woody Allen movie....I'm showing my age here...I think it was Annie Hall...where he says "I would never be a member of a club that would have me as a member"."

He must have been channeling Groucho Marx who said "I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member".


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Even the most beautiful women in the world worry about their looks. They find fault where others see perfection. Don't let on that she scares the crap out of you - that would definitely be unbecoming.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Smart - beautiful women are keenly aware that a subset of men - aren't even able to 'see' them as a person - due to being so distracted by their appearance. 

I saw this date on reality tv. The guy must have said: you are so beautiful 10 times. The woman was getting more and more anxious after the third time. 




Blondilocks said:


> Even the most beautiful women in the world worry about their looks. They find fault where others see perfection. Don't let on that she scares the crap out of you - that would definitely be unbecoming.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband felt I was out of his league.. he told me yrs ago.. when we met he expected me to reject him.. his attitude was.. "I need to just get this over with"... he had to TRY... He was taken by my looks primarily.. 

I had other things going on that I wasn't Miss Confidence by any means.. his being the humble nice guy made me feel more comfortable.. that he was more trustworthy.. I could just BE myself... had he come off Mr Popularity / Stud Alpha muffin .... I may have been turned off by him.. to be honest. So it worked out nicely for us..


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think people can tell instinctively by nonverbal communication if a guy is putting on a show, arrogant, Inconfident, etc. 
If one thinks they're out of another person's league and acts like it, they might as well be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Hey folks, this is the OP. 

I hear what everyone is saying about giving things a chance, I'm good with that. Also I more than understand she may be thinking the same thing about me! lol. And yes I know there is no "league" per say, people are just people and you're either compatible or not. And special thanks to Evinrude for telling me she poos and farts, that knocked her right off the pedestal and put her on the porcelain throne instead! (wish I could erase that visual) 

Truth be told I kind of enjoyed the feeling of being in her presence, I found myself smiling simply because I couldn't believe how on the ball this woman is, it was like watching 4th of July fireworks, i just kept thinking wow, and then wow again, and wow some more. When I mentioned I was thinking "I could never make her happy" it wasn't because I lack confidence it had more to do with her charging into her life while I'm in the process of scaling back and simplifying my life. She was married for many years and only worked part time, now she has embraced being a professional single woman and is "making up for being behind" as she stated, and I admire that. But that was me 10/15 years ago, now I don't want to put that kind of energy into anything but enjoying myself.

Anyway...too much premature thinking, a couple phone calls and one meeting mean nothing. Our next date is a trip to Home Depot so she can tell me what colors and counter tops to get for a bath room I'm redoing, I may as well take advantage of a woman's decorating abilities why I have the chance (since I have no decorating abilities).


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She'll have to see your house first. So, have her over for steaks on the barby.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Home Depot date? Hell, I'm not married yet! 
This woman sounds interesting!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Not impressed. Make it Fry's Electronics and I'm all ears😂


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Cooper said:


> Hey folks, this is the OP.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You are correct in saying you could never make her happy. To that remark, it's not your focus or place to make her happy. 

I don't know, maybe my wife was out of my league when we first met. No doubt there were other guys checking her out, I just took it the next step. I did not just check her out but asked her out (as much of an ugly mutt that I am). I only made it a point of having a good time with her on dates, not to somehow make her happy. 

Just my opinion - I think she may already be happy (part of her confidence as well as attractiveness), you and her just need to go out and enjoy yourselves. If she is not happy with the date, that would be all on her, not you. It sounds to me like you found a good woman, so don't let her slip away or let some other guy get in line ahead of you. Relax and just do something fun you both like doing, hiking, coffee time, etc. Don't focus on her happiness, let her deal with it. It is just a date and take it one step at a time. Oh, and check back in to let us know how it went or is going. Pulling for you. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Cooper said:


> Our next date is a trip to Home Depot so she can tell me what colors and counter tops to get for a bath room I'm redoing


Are you redoing the bathroom yourself?

Man, that's a huge turn on for some women;men being able to make and fix things. :smile2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

IDK, my W still dated me and it worked out well for her :grin2:


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cooper said:


> I am a 55 year old divorced male, intelligent, confident, a successful business owner, there's not much that rattles me. Last night I met a woman for a meet and greet, talking to her on the phone I knew she was intelligent and successful but in person this woman blew me away to the point I felt intimidated! I truly felt this woman was superior to me in almost every aspect, I can't say that has ever happened to me before, I have met and dealt with a lot of high powered individuals and never felt inferior. It was strange because she was as nice as can be, nothing pretentious or arrogant about her, it even seems like she likes me, yet I felt inferior. Oh and she is damn attractive to boot!
> 
> Maybe the reality is I'm insecure, lol, by the time we finished talking I was thinking to myself I could only disappoint this woman.
> 
> ...


Most important quality to have in a successful relationship or life in general is character. If you have that then you something very special to offer. Let that inform your self worth. It is something you can fully control, and it is very hard to come by.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> IDK, my W still dated me and it worked out well for her :grin2:


It wasn't you - it was your sweat band she was after.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

sokillme said:


> Most important quality to have in a successful relationship or life in general is character. If you have that then you something very special to offer.


^^This. You can be the most physically stunning and accomplished person on earth but without good character it is all smoke, mirrors and hot air.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> It wasn't you - it was your sweat band she was after.


Can you blame her :wink2:


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There is no single measure of quality. Someone will always be better than you at any particular thing, but no one will be better than you in every way.

Were I dating, there is no one I would hesitate to date. It would be up to her to decide if my combination of qualities were what she wanted.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Sorry, that isn't what I meant. 
I meant that I would never avoid dating someone because they were too "good" ,or "bad" for me in a general sense. I certainly would not date someone unless I had a positive impression of them. 




notmyrealname4 said:


> Really?
> 
> Don't you think you can raise the bar a little higher; to save yourself some time if nothing else.
> 
> I mean, there are some folks that you know within a couple of minutes of meeting them that you would never want to date them. Or, maybe you don't get that immediate gut reaction?? Interesting. I'm not insulting you, I do think it's interesting that you would be willing to date anyone.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Cooper said:


> ....talking to her on the phone I knew she was intelligent and successful but in person this woman blew me away to the point I felt intimidated! I truly felt this woman was superior to me in almost every aspect....


Funny, when I asked, on another forum, how to know what my "league" is and how to identify what women would find men in my "league" appealing, I was nearly killed by women claiming there's no such thing.

Figure out what's intimidating about her. It's not going to be something healthy, I'll assure you. By your age, and having been in business, you have learned to relate to the bum on the street and the billionaire in the corporate office...you just can't reach our age, be successful in business, and have not needed to collaborate up and down the social strata.

Something about her is new to your experiences, but unlike your past, when you embraced all forms of learning, something about this new thing says you might not be up to the challenge.

GL


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Kurt Vonnegut from his book Timequake

"There is no way a beautiful woman can live up to what she looks like for any appreciable length of time."


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

john117 said:


> Not impressed. Make it Fry's Electronics and I'm all ears😂


Somewhat off the original topic, but relevant to this post: Fry's Electronics Employment Application


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