# mixed race marriage and step dad issue



## jamietrying (Oct 16, 2010)

I am white/hispanic and my husband is black. We have 3 children ages 12 weeks, 4 years and ten years.The oldest is mine for a previous relationship. Everytime my husband gets angry he yells racial slurs and other demeaning words at me in front of my children. ( white *****, ****, Cracker ass *****, ect)I have NEVER used any words of this nature or equivalent in my life. We have lived together for 8 years but married for 1. He swears he sorry for it each time and he tells the kids that he was wrong for it and that its not right.

I told him I cannot stay married to a man who uses these words so he always swears he won't but then he forgets all that when he gets mad and does it anyway.How can I get him to stop so that my 4 year old daughter and newborn baby won't gorw up remembering this. Its too late for my oldest.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

And I'm pretty sure if you used the N word on him, he'd explode.
This guy is abusive, and as succinctly as I can put it,
RUN LIKE HELL!!!
Your kids are gonna see this, think it's normal behavior, and soon you'll overhear them talking to their friends about their "lily-white cracker" mom.
And what is the step-dad issue? Does he hate having to raise a "white" kid?
He obviously is not grown-up enough to argue issues intelligently, so he relies on name calling, and sooner or later, he'll be backing it up with his hands, because your "Stupid little white ho b**** a** just don't listen."
This guy is TROUBLE-get out!


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Agree w/F-102. I wouldn't have even allowed it the first time.


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## just-me333 (Jan 17, 2011)

Ditto; I agree w/F-102 and moonangel. I see your relationship going nowhere very quickly and to the detriment of your children and you. As their mother, it's your responsibility to protect them. You also deserve more respect than you're given. Your husband has severe anger issues. I would suggest doing the adult thing and getting the hell outta dodge asap. Best of luck to you and your children.


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## mogforu007 (Jun 27, 2011)

I'm black and my wife is Hispanic and I would never in my life say racial slurs to her. He doesn't respect you and why would you want to be with someone who calls you out your name? That is emotional abuse and you shouldn't except it. He only does it cause he can get away with it. He will keep doing it and keep apologizing for it as long as you forgive him.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

It is not the use of the slurs that is alarming. Or ... not as alarming as the realization that in the heat of the moment, when he is exposing the real him he FEELS that way. Can counseling make a racist not a racist? 

I feel for you. You are so ****ed. You probably get it from the stupid white folks for being Hispanic. And you get it from your husband for being a cracker? 

Drop kick his sorry butt to the curb. Or counseling if you wish to try. It sounds like he UNDERSTANDS that there is a problem in the calm moments. But you are right, this cannot keep happening. But the underlying issue of his feelings about race are tantamount.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I advised someone in a recent post that allowing children to witness repeated yelling at a PUPPY was abusive. So I think you'll guess easily what I have to say about this situation. You recognized it as abusive. It is.

I don't tolerate racism, and because I am much lighter in the winter and pass for white, I often have to listen to people saying racist things. I tend to correct them and they try to make excuses, my favorite is that I might be mixed race but really I am white. Ummmmm, no, I am not.

There is no excuse for using racism in any way, not even a degrading joke, and not even self-deprecating.


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