# daughter's boyfriend has mom issues... Should I worry?



## tryingmybest2012 (Sep 5, 2012)

My 19 year old daughter is dating what appears to be her dream man. He has a fabulous personality, smart, athlete and body builder, going to college on a full ride scholarship for football and is studying nursing. He seems to have it all! He is also very handsome and she is knock out gorgeous so basically they could be your barbie and ken couple, except he is much bigger than Ken...being a defensive lineman.

My problem and source of severe concern is the fact that he hates his mother and now seems to be hating me, her mother. His mother left the family for another man when he was probably 11. He is now only 19 . Apparently the new man beat them and the mom allowed it, or at least did nothing to stop it. So the boy and his sister left and have lived their teenage years with grandparents. ( the moms parents ) 

I have always heard a man will treat his wife the same way he treats his mom.... Should I be concerned for my daughter? I have always been a hands on mom and my daughter was not ready to go away to college, so she is going to a college close by, and yes...I still am hands on and he seems to hold this against me and actually told my daughter that I remeinded him of his mom. yes, they do talk of marriage and they are deeply in love, its apparent. He is sweet and wonderful towards her, he tolerates me.....barely.

advice??? I love them both and want to be part of their lives, but first and foremost, I want to be sure she isn't going to fall into that trap of being mistreated, I can deal with it, it doesn't make me happy, in fact its very hurtful, but I can get by. He actually told me his mom is DEAD to him.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

They are too young to be thinking of marriage for starters (IMO - I have 2 daughters).

He doesn't like you? I assume you are a good person. So his issues with his own Mother carry over to you? That is really messed up.

If it were my daughter, I would be telling her to dump him.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Emerald said:


> They are too young to be thinking of marriage for starters (IMO - I have 2 daughters).
> 
> He doesn't like you? I assume you are a good person. So his issues with his own Mother carry over to you? That is really messed up.
> 
> If it were my daughter, I would be telling her to dump him.


That would be a mistake. How did you act at 19 when your mother told you who to date? Lol.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

What you can control is how you act to him.
Our eldest son met a girl in high school, she got pregnant & now has a 5 yo daughter.
She is one seriously messed up girl, especially to do with her parents. Like the boyfriend above, she lived with her grandp[arents from about the age of 13.
We decided early on that we would model good behaviour to her, we are the adults & we wanted to show her how a family can be functional. Over the last 5 years, we have seen her change in the way she interacts with us. Even though our son & she have broken up, we still see her every week to pick up our granddaughter for the weekend. 
If you try to tell your daughter that his attitude is a problem, she will probably push closer to him. It is very hard when our daughters get to an age where they are more independant. We have to ease back & let them make their own choices & mistakes, be a little bit more hands off. Remember, we are raising them to be independant adults.


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