# Ladies, do you delete text messages?



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

One of my best friends called me yesterday, panicked. This guy is one of the most calm dudes I've ever met in my life. His wife asked him to check something on her phone, and he did and found that she had no text messages saved. She erased them all. Part of his angst was due to the fact that he slaved for a month to create poetry for her the week of their 10th anniversary. But he's also worried that she might be up to no good, as his co-worker did then when she cheated on her fiancee. 

So ladies, do you delete your text messages? If so, why? I'm looking for any and all answers, to try and help him out. He's been there for me in the past and I want to help him now. Oh, and his wife is caring for her disabled brother while his in-laws go on vacation, so he can't ask her about it.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

Jayg14 said:


> One of my best friends called me yesterday, panicked. This guy is one of the most calm dudes I've ever met in my life. His wife asked him to check something on her phone, and he did and found that she had no text messages saved. She erased them all. Part of his angst was due to the fact that he slaved for a month to create poetry for her the week of their 10th anniversary. But he's also worried that she might be up to no good, as his co-worker did then when she cheated on her fiancee.
> 
> 
> 
> So ladies, do you delete your text messages? If so, why? I'm looking for any and all answers, to try and help him out. He's been there for me in the past and I want to help him now. Oh, and his wife is caring for her disabled brother while his in-laws go on vacation, so he can't ask her about it.




Well, no. The only time I have deleted text messages is when I dumped off a POS friend and didn't want to see her name on my phone. I only deleted hers, never all of them. BUT, I have had my phone go all wonky and had to hard reset it. That erased everything and I had to put everything back, so I had no texts in there for like five minutes or so... 


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

What other women do is irrelevant, we are not clones of each other.

But for the hell of it, I periodically go through my phone and delete voice mail and old txts. Nothing anyone needs to get paranoid over, just like to keep the phone tidy.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jayg14 said:


> One of my best friends called me yesterday, panicked. This guy is one of the most calm dudes I've ever met in my life. His wife asked him to check something on her phone, and he did and found that she had no text messages saved. She erased them all. Part of his angst was due to the fact that he slaved for a month to create poetry for her the week of their 10th anniversary. But he's also worried that she might be up to no good, as his co-worker did then when she cheated on her fiancee.
> 
> So ladies, do you delete your text messages? If so, why? I'm looking for any and all answers, to try and help him out. He's been there for me in the past and I want to help him now. Oh, and his wife is caring for her disabled brother while his in-laws go on vacation, so he can't ask her about it.


Not all of them unless I want to clean up my phone, I have once.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I clean my email inbox daily to more easily find email I actually need.

I delete texts that are from people I don't speak to often or that I no longer speak to at all, but that's about it.
Unless sanitizing her phone is her normal behavior, I'd be suspicious, too.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

MrsHolland said:


> What other women do is irrelevant, we are not clones of each other.


Past experiences are something to consider. Those who ignore history...


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

Also, I do want to say this alone should not have him panicking. It may be a red flag but could be harmless. DH was doing this for like three days and I looked at him and was like WTF are u doing that for (he was unfaithful once a few years ago, so like I said red flag), and he showed me that he had taken up almost all the room on his phone and the texts did actually take up a bit of room. I laughed, took his phone, cleaned it up, and now he only does it once in a while but shows me his phone before. And yes before anyone asks, I matched them up with the logs and they matched. So he should talk to her and look into it more before jumping to conclusions. Don't ignore it though.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

Remee81 said:


> Also, I do want to say this alone should not have him panicking. It may be a red flag but could be harmless. DH was doing this for like three days and I looked at him and was like WTF are u doing that for (he was unfaithful once a few years ago, so like I said red flag), and he showed me that he had taken up almost all the room on his phone and the texts did actually take up a bit of room. I laughed, took his phone, cleaned it up, and now he only does it once in a while but shows me his phone before. And yes before anyone asks, I matched them up with the logs and they matched. So he should talk to her and look into it more before jumping to conclusions. Don't ignore it though.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Thanks, Remee. He's trying not to jump to conclusions, but the fact that she said she loved his poem, and to have it gone, was more a slap to his face, than worries of betrayal. I think he was just venting, but like I said, I want to help him in any way I can.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Jayg14 said:


> Part of his angst was due to the fact that he slaved for a month to create poetry for her the week of their 10th anniversary.


LOL...had to ask. How does one "slave" over writing lame _poetry_? It's not like he had to scale a mountain or fight a fire-breathing dragon for God's sakes. :rofl:

I don't have an extra data card in my Galaxy and with all the bloated apps and programming that come pre-installed from Verizon, I tend to delete long strings of texting and/or old pictures and what-not because I'm spastic about keeping things lean.

If he's that worried about her deleting suspicious stuff, have him check the online phone bill.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Jayg14 said:


> Thanks, Remee. He's trying not to jump to conclusions, but the fact that she said she loved his poem, and to have it gone, was more a slap to his face, than worries of betrayal. I think he was just venting, but like I said, I want to help him in any way I can.


Wait - are you saying that this poetry he 'slaved over' for a month was TEXTED to her?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

No, not often. emails yes, but I probably get more emails + calls than texts. I have to clean my inbox, and I have nothing to hide. 

Maybe he's a bit on edge, perhaps because of what happened with his co-worker? 

Perhaps all the poetry writing has him vulnerable as well. Gosh, I hope she likes it as a gift, you never know with spouses. 

Did he get her anything else?


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

Jayg14 said:


> Thanks, Remee. He's trying not to jump to conclusions, but the fact that she said she loved his poem, and to have it gone, was more a slap to his face, than worries of betrayal. I think he was just venting, but like I said, I want to help him in any way I can.




Oh that's not cool. Let's hope her phone wigged out. Yeah that would slap me in the face too. He should talk to her about it and defiantly tell her that it hurt. She should tell him why, and he deserves an apology for that, I would have been hurt too. 


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL...had to ask. How does one "slave" over writing lame _poetry_?  It's not like he had to scale a mountain or fight a fire-breathing dragon for God's sakes. :rofl:


I love this man like a brother, but his idea of creativity is trying different condiments on his burger at our favorite hang out spot.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Wait - are you saying that this poetry he 'slaved over' for a month was TEXTED to her?


I was skeptical, until he told me it was a warm up to the gifts he gave her for their 10th anniversary.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL...had to ask. How does one "slave" over writing lame _poetry_? It's not like he had to scale a mountain or fight a fire-breathing dragon for God's sakes. :rofl:
> 
> I don't have an extra data card in my Galaxy and with all the bloated apps and programming that come pre-installed from Verizon, I tend to delete long strings of texting and/or old pictures and what-not because I'm spastic about keeping things lean.
> 
> If he's that worried about her deleting suspicious stuff, have him check the online phone bill.




Yes this will show every text received and sent. The numbers they came from not the actual text. That could reassure him. And yeah my husband is so OCD and his phone was full, organized as hell but full like he couldn't delete stuff, I just did it so he couldn't object. I'm getting him the larger memory phone when he upgrades, like mine. I never have an issue, but I have a huge amount of space so much that my TONS of music and never deleting texts doesn't even take up a quarter of my space.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Wait - are you saying that this poetry he 'slaved over' for a month was TEXTED to her?


*Make no mistake about it: Ol' Arb is an absolute poet laureate!

That being said, let's just say that if I'm going to ever convey those heartfelt pearls of literary love to my sweetie, it shall be conveyed only on extremely nice stationary and in my very best calligraphy!

And never in text form!

Only nasty, perverted limericks are for texting!*


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Are there OTHER things in addition to this she is doing to raise suspicion? 

He needs substantive evidence, or its just him getting anxious over one thing.

I delete things on my phone regularly, because it's a BYOD device and I consider anything important to require backup and archiving. Everything else is expendable and gets deleted.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

Satya said:


> Are there OTHER things in addition to this she is doing to raise suspicion?
> 
> He needs substantive evidence, or its just him getting anxious over one thing.
> 
> I delete things on my phone regularly, because it's a BYOD device and I consider anything important to require backup and archiving. Everything else is expendable and gets deleted.


I can ask him. He didn't relay anything to me.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Jayg14 said:


> So ladies, do you delete your text messages? If so, why? I'm looking for any and all answers, to try and help him out. He's been there for me in the past and I want to help him now.


Not a lady obviously but I wouldn't consider this a gender specific question.

You only delete your text messages for ONE reason. So no one else can read them.

She's hiding something, whether its a surprise b-day party or nude photos is up for speculation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Something doesn't add up.

I'd advise him to run data recovery against the phone.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> What other women do is irrelevant, we are not clones of each other.
> 
> But for the hell of it, I periodically go through my phone and delete voice mail and old txts. Nothing anyone needs to get paranoid over, just like to keep the phone tidy.


^^ This. My cell only holds 3 voicemails at a time, so those get deleted regularly. As for texts, I like to stay organized, and I regularly go through those as well, and turf entire conversations. The ones that I tend to keep are business-related in case I ever need to refer back to them.


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## ResignedWife (Jan 20, 2017)

I have an older phone and am running out of space (despite having a memory card to store photos and videos), so I go through and delete old text threads twice a year - however, I keep the ones to/from people that I text with regularly.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

I do not, but my sister does. Trust me; there is zero infidelity on her part. She's just a very Type A kind of person and anything resembling clutter gives her anxiety. It's ridiculous that there is an automatic assumption that deleted texts = something shady. Unless there is extenuating behavior that leads to further suspicion, I wouldn't think anything of it. In fact, someone who deletes just certain conversations would lead me to be more skeptical than someone who clears out their device completely.


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## googoodoll (Mar 6, 2016)

If I were deleting text messages to cover something up, I would only delete the ones that would raise suspicion. Deleting all of them sounds silly in that case and not like she would have something to hide.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

If you want to free up flash memory on a phone, going after texts and e-mails is a waste of time. Photos, video, music/audio, and unneeded apps take up far more space. Text files are small & very compressible.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I generally do a complete delete every once in a while because there's no sense in clogging up my cell with conversation threads that go on and on for a year! It's just silly that message threads just keep going on and on and on.


Does your friend have any other suspicious behavior from his wife? Deleted messages alone is completely meaningless.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *
> 
> Only nasty, perverted limericks are for texting!*


Arent those some of the best kind of limericks though?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Junior (17yo) once got a hold of my phone and saw a rather risque exchange...between my wife and I. Still grossed him out pretty good. Hopefully it'll be cool and he'll remember that when he's 52 and keeping his marriage fresh, but it was something of an awkward moment. 

That episode aside, I'm also one who doesn't like digital clutter any more than I like physical clutter. 

There are plenty of reasons to delete which have nothing to do with keeping secrets.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I have nothing new to add that hasn't already been said, but just to weigh in...

I'm one of those people that keeps text messages from friends and family, because I'm sentimental (and sometimes I like to go re-read those risque exchanges between my partner and I!), but I go in regularly and delete texts like weather alerts, prescription reminders, etc. But some people regularly delete EVERYTHING.

Unless she's doing other things that are suspicious, I doubt this is anything to be worried about. And if she really loved the poem, she may have saved it elsewhere. That's what I do with important stuff when I receive it via text... it immediately gets saved elsewhere. If she's the super organized type that regularly deletes all her texts, I would bet that she saved the poem somewhere safer than in a text exchange.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> Arent those some of the best kind of limericks though?


*But I've never set them to calligraphy yet!

I dunno! It might be a lot of fun!!*


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

The only time I delete texts is when I complain my phone is acting wonky and my BF says, schyeah, you have 4,925 texts! Time to delete.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I do and delete pics too, I do not like clutter on my phone. But I don't have a password on it either, I'm the same with emails and FB messages.

I do save the pics to my pc before I erase them.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I regularly delete entire text conversations. I used to save many of them (sentimental?) but realized I never went back and read any of them. Now, I like the satisfaction of less clutter on my phone. If someone texts me a pic I want to keep, I save it to my phone and then POOF... delete the convo.

I also regularly delete pictures, transferring the ones I want to keep to my computer which is backed up regularly, and only keep a handful of favorites on my phone.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Jayg14 said:


> One of my best friends called me yesterday, panicked. This guy is one of the most calm dudes I've ever met in my life. His wife asked him to check something on her phone, and he did and found that she had no text messages saved. She erased them all. Part of his angst was due to the fact that he slaved for a month to create poetry for her the week of their 10th anniversary. But he's also worried that she might be up to no good, as his co-worker did then when she cheated on her fiancee.
> 
> So ladies, do you delete your text messages? If so, why? I'm looking for any and all answers, to try and help him out. He's been there for me in the past and I want to help him now. Oh, and his wife is caring for her disabled brother while his in-laws go on vacation, so he can't ask her about it.


My wife deletes emails constantly (she doesn't own a cell phone). I have no doubt that if she did have a cell phone and texted, she'd probably delete those, too.

But she doesn't do it to hide anything. Believe me, when it registered that she was doing this (inbox always near-empty) I snooped. My ex wife cheated through email, changed passwords, deleted things, the whole nine. So this was a red flag near and dear to me.

Turns out my wife is just really anal about organization, lol. Keeps only emails that are important, deletes the rest. Created some side folders for various topics.

I checked the deleted emails and sent folders, even recovered deleted emails (you can do this in hotmail). Better safe than sorry. And nothing. I haven't done it since. She checks emails 2 feet away from me, as our laptops are right next to each other. She's had the same password for as long as I've known her. She's not hiding anything.

Sometimes people are just neat-freaks.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Make no mistake about it: Ol' Arb is an absolute poet laureate!
> 
> That being said, let's just say that if I'm going to ever convey those heartfelt pearls of literary love to my sweetie, it shall be conveyed only on extremely nice stationary and in my very best calligraphy!
> 
> ...


I text limericks that I've written to my wife from time to time, but the good ones I always keep a hard copy of.

There once was a guy on the 'net
whose wife's attention he wanted to get.
He composed a sweet rhyme
in almost no time
and texted it from his toilet.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I delete a lot of texts. Basically, anything that's business related gets deleted as soon as the subject of the text convo is taken care of - much like crossing off a to-do list. Personal text threads get deleted if they go inactive for more than a few days to a week or so. I currently only have three text strings on my phone - my boyfriend, my son, and the PM at my company because he texted me yesterday and I'm still working to finalize the matter. The only two that will be on there by tonight are the ones with my boyfriend and my son. And I'll clear those out every few months just because keeping months-long text strings seems pointless to me. I also delete old pictures, old emails, and old messages. Anything important gets saved elsewhere - the cloud or my backup device. I dislike clutter.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

Yes I delete texts daily. I like the clean feeling of having my text field empty.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

I keep most of my messages.

When I need to pop someone a text I find it easier just to scroll through my messages instead of going to my address book to find them. I also keep them just in case there is something that I need to look back upon.

When I do delete messages it is because it was a guy I was chatting and we are no longer chatting, so there is no need to keep the messages.

I get really suspicious of people that have absolutely no text messages in their phone. I understand that some people need to have everything neat and tidy, but the reasons for keeping messages, IMO, far outweigh having a tidy inbox.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I don't clean my text messages out.

But I think I should as my phone is full of rubbish!


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

I delete texts all the time. I'm on several group texts with our kids' parents and everyone contributing and adding side texts add up quickly. I'd need more of a red flag than that to start worrying that my spouse was up to no good. Things like phone guarding, locking phone without sharing password, starting fights and leaving, acting distant, unexplained whereabouts, and private friendships with the OS are all much bigger red flags IMO, and if any of these are present in addition to deleted texts, I'd recommend spyware to find out what is going on in the marriage.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I usually keep texts for a while, then delete. The only texts I never delete are from my daughter. When I have a significant other, I keep those too. Everyone else eventually gets deleted, lol. Im sure she probably has that poem saved someplace else.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

No i dont delete text messages - unless there are several and I like a tidy phone. But I just set my phone to auto delete after a certain amount from the same number. 

I have nothing to hide

If he is so worried, he can recover deleted text messages ...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Junior (17yo) once got a hold of my phone and saw a rather risque exchange...between my wife and I. Still grossed him out pretty good. Hopefully it'll be cool and he'll remember that when he's 52 and keeping his marriage fresh, but it was something of an awkward moment.


 Might have been awkward but it was a monumental teachable moment! 

"Son, if you don't work to keep your marriage fresh, fun and exciting, it slowly dies. Remember that when you've been married a few years."


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

ladybird said:


> No i dont delete text messages - unless there are several and I like a tidy phone. But I just set my phone to auto delete after a certain amount from the same number.
> 
> I have nothing to hide
> 
> If he is so worried, he can recover deleted text messages ...


Damn, I didn't know there was a way to auto delete after a certain amount of time passes. 

Where's a teenager when you need one? I feel like she should have trained me on this. After several years, I finally know how to work all the media in the family room and can get to Netflix and Amazon completely on my own, and hear it all through surround sound.

Now if I could just set surround sound so the dialogue is just as loud as explosions.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Every now and then I'll go through and delete text messages that I no longer need. Anything important I'll save to my pc and then delete. I never delete anything from my husband or daughter.

My mum on the other hand, deletes every text message. Every single one. But her email is full of junk and spam. 

Go figure, lol.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Jessica38 said:


> I delete texts all the time. I'm on several group texts with our kids' parents and everyone contributing and adding side texts add up quickly. I'd need more of a red flag than that to start worrying that my spouse was up to no good. *Things like phone guarding, locking phone without sharing password, starting fights and leaving, acting distant, unexplained whereabouts, and private friendships with the OS are all much bigger red flags IMO, and if any of these are present in addition to deleted texts, I'd recommend spyware to find out what is going on in the marriage.*


Completely agree. When a spouse or SO starts dictating how I organize my phone, it would likely be "Sayonara" for me. Body language, phone guarding, and password locks would be much more of a red flag issue for me.

Deleting texts is really irrelevant when you consider all the outside apps (Snapchat, Whatsit, in-game messaging, etc) that are easily accessible to someone who wants to cheat.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Deleting all of them is a counterindicator of cheating to me. It sounds like she just gets rid of everything.

At the same time, not saving his cri de coeur is a blow. I can easily see why that would hurt him. That's like taking the time to make your own greeting card only to see it in the trash the next day.

In other words, not necessarily cheating, but definitely unnecessarily hurtful.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I usually don't. But when I'm in the car waiting for kids or at the airport, I will delete old texts. About 6 months ago I deleted everything and one of the kids made a 'smart-ass' comment so after that I just left them all there. But my phone looked clean-- I liked that. I have nothing to hide.


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## Dulsura (Dec 8, 2016)

I do...not all the time but yes, sometimes I clean up the garbage 

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## Welderswife (May 30, 2017)

Only when I'm running out of storage


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

When itis important..... like poetry from my husband, I email it to myself so it doesn't get lost if something happens to my phone. So maybe she still has the poetry somewhere else.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

The suspicious thing isn't that the messages were deleted. *The suspicious thing was that they were deleted when she asked him to take a look at her phone.*

I periodically delete messages on my phone. But at any one time, it would be pretty rare for them to all be deleted.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

So he talked to her. Turns out, their eldest was playing with the phone and deleted them, including the poem. She wanted to make him dinner and tell him, because she was upset that it happened.


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