# Book recommendations needed



## AnotherAnon (Jul 10, 2014)

For a variety of reasons, we are going to try the "DIY" approach to counseling. We are not overcoming anything huge...there has been no infidelity, no financial wrongs, no abuse, nothing like that. 

We have typical complaints....I say he is too hard to open up and he thinks I'm a huge nagging complainer. We are further hindered by raising two small children, one of whom has some minor special needs (hence it's hard to get a sitter). We then made things worse for ourselves by having a custom house built last year. I thought it was a joke that a project like that was a marriage-killer, but it's no joke. 

Trust and therefore intimacy have been eroded. We are stuck in the same argument about how he handles conflict by hiding and shutting down and I handle it by emotional outbursts. 

We have agreed to live in separate parts of the house to give each other space but continue to live as a family (for finances, the kids, and keeping this a secret from family who live nearby). We are both OK with that as we both just want some space and for the air to clear. 

I know my husband has benefited from the "Mr. Nice Guy" approach. The book fit him to a "T" when we read it years ago. So, re-reading that is a place to start. I have also ordered "The Five Love Languages" based on a suggestion from another post I made. 

So, given all of that, and the fact we are not religious and therefore need a non-religious based book, is there a good book or workbook(s) or series that can guide us through re-building trust and intimacy?

Thank you for reading and replying!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

"His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley is a good place to start. He is a Christian, but the advice is not overtly religious.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley is a good place to start. He is a Christian, but the advice is not overtly religious.


:iagree: We are not at all religious and have found this book very helpful, along with the companion workbook.

Another EXCELLENT resource is Gottmans 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

5 Love Languages

Getting the Love You Want (plus the workbook to go with it)

His Needs, Her Needs


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## AnotherAnon (Jul 10, 2014)

Thank you. Do you recommend the book, or the "Participant's Guide"? Trying to figure out what's what on Amazon. It sounds like maybe one of them goes with a set of DVDs but I can't find those listed.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

AnotherAnon said:


> Thank you. Do you recommend the book, or the "Participant's Guide"? Trying to figure out what's what on Amazon. It sounds like maybe one of them goes with a set of DVDs but I can't find those listed.


For which book?


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## AnotherAnon (Jul 10, 2014)

Sorry, for "His Needs, Her Needs". There is a book with subtitle about affair-proofing your marriage. Looks like it is just a straight-up chapter book. Then there is a "Participant's Guide" that says it involves 6 sessions and mentions some DVDs. 

I can't tell if I should first read the book, then get the DVDs and 6-session guide? Or is it read the book OR watch the DVDs and then do the 6 sessions?

Best of all would be to just cut to the 6 sessions. I generally find that self-help books are repetitive just within themselves, so I'm skeptical that 2+ books on the same idea are not also repetitive. But Amazon is not helping me figure out if the 6 session guide can stand alone. Hope that makes sense.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I have no idea about all that - we didn't use any DVD's. We got the actual book, and we also got the workbook. Is the 'participants guide' a workbook with lots of questionnaires in it?


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## AnotherAnon (Jul 10, 2014)

I will have to see if the Participant's Guide has the questions. Times like these I wish our town had a real book store vs. Amazon!


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