# Wife loves kids and dogs more then me-HELP



## NJ Man (Oct 26, 2010)

I would love to hear your comments::scratchhead:

My relationship with my wife has become distant and strained. Married for 27 years and I cannot get her to understand the importance of both parents being unified when facing discipline matters with our child (daughter). Fear of alienating the child and losing her friend and kinship is more important to my wife then her support of me. I pick and choose my battles carefully. No matter what the issue, my wife will sit there and not comment in front of my child for fear of losing their close relationship. Then, I am the bad guy and both of them are mad at me. Everything is magnified and blown out of proportion with whatever I have to say. I find myself being very isolated and alone. Withdrawn I can go a week or better having little to say to either my wife or child. Of late, words of extreme harshness, cursing, etc have occured at peak times of frustration toward my wife and I. Never physical, certainly emotional, things breakdown further.

Then I came across my wife reaching out on a social networking site to find her first love and person she lost her virginity to back in High School. When the person replied by E-mail, he confirmed "is this the person that made my summer of 80 a very special time?" My wife replied and confirmed, "yes it is and I think about that summer and time of my life often"... This other man, married with kids also went on to say he was recently back home, where they were both from and he thought about my wife often. So they both confirmed this recent awakening of thinking about each other often. Now, in futher E-mails, no mention of me to the X but lots of review of our children. My wife stated, "still married" as her only reference of me. I was sick to my stomach to see this. Further, the few further E-mails my wife suggested a few times that she would love to talk and chat sometime with the X. The last part of the story, he encouraged my wife to call him at a time where he would be a bachelor and his wife was away..(interesting way to invite her in). I could begin to play out how a quick rendezvous could be possible.

I discovered these E-mails a few days later from when they occurred. My wife, immediately defensive suggested this was all innocent. I was so upset and heartbroken that my wife needed to seek out this person of the past and then, the content and how things were said. More than anything, the way in which their interaction between them began, recalling their "Summer of Love" together was enough to get sick.

I feel a sense of betrayal and am going through anger, depression and all kind of mixed emotions. I have a loss of trust. 

I left on a business trip soon after confronting all this. My wife's response was, "contact with the X did not have anything to do with wanting him or a reconnection with him. It was more of a validation that I’m a good person and that at time in my life someone actually liked me for who I am. It has been so long since you have given me any positive feedback" This is somewhat true given that I have so much anger for her lacking support of me in front of our family...
In conclusion, the separation and Divorce topic has come up. I have told her that we together need to seek help. It is painful to admit this but it may be our only salvation...

So, what would you do? The contact with the X was when the **** really hit the fan for me!!
P.S. I have provided well, worked my ass off and given all I can to the comfort and care of the family home and lifestyle


----------



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Wow.... this sounds exactly like me and my life. Exact same thing happened to my wife but she took it further to a full blown EA and ? (I will never get resolution on what else may have happened).
In very short form I recommend staying on top of her about contact with other man. An EA will form or is already starting which will cause many problems. Do not let your guard down.


----------



## NJ Man (Oct 26, 2010)

Sorry to hear we are experiencing something close. An EA might have occurred if we lived closer to this old flame. However, coasts are between us. However, planes and fantasies are cheap. Especially if the people are with means which is the case... Thanks for the contact...


----------



## NJ Man (Oct 26, 2010)

discouraged1 said:


> Wow.... this sounds exactly like me and my life. Exact same thing happened to my wife but she took it further to a full blown EA and ? (I will never get resolution on what else may have happened).
> In very short form I recommend staying on top of her about contact with other man. An EA will form or is already starting which will cause many problems. Do not let your guard down.


Discouraged, are you still together? How are you managing? I know that my incredible pain and anger can only be minor vs. what you may be going through. How did you learn of the EA?


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You need to keylogger her computer then. This may only be the tip of the iceberg. I recommend Spector Pro.


----------



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

I found her chatting on facebook. We are still together but it has been tough and we are still working through it almost 2 years later.


----------

