# A question for men...



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.

From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'd say it's because he's mean, selfish, and manipulative that he says these things. You will be far better off without him, and I hope you have a _great _lawyer.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

He's a D-bag, that's why.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Married but Happy said:


> I'd say it's because he's mean, selfish, and manipulative that he says these things. You will be far better off without him, and I hope you have a _great _lawyer.


I wish there was a way to make him realize that lol


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

He knows that there is no possible way that you are getting less than half. In this case, I think he is saying these things hoping you will agree to something less than the courts are going to give you.

Or he is just being and acehole, because that is who he is.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> I wish there was a way to make him realize that lol


No! The best revenge ever is moving on while he remains the same little sh1t he is. That way, he'll always be miserable 😂


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> I wish there was a way to make him realize that lol


His nature won't allow him to see himself as less than justified, or wrong. Don't worry about it, as he won't change, I'm afraid.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

leftfield said:


> He knows that there is no possible way that you are getting less than half. In this case, I think he is saying these things hoping you will agree to something less than the courts are going to give you.
> 
> Or he is just being and acehole, because that is who he is.


 I believe you are right, its like he has been trying to bully me into letting it go. I am not sure why his attorney isnt giving him better advice


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

Take him to the cleaners. He’s a self absorbed a**hole. What a d*ck.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He knows that isn’t the way divorce works. He just hopes that you aren’t aware of it.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

If you're looking for more, try this thread. It isn't just about the title. 









Pre Nups are a Must


If there's any advice I can give to my fellow men, it is pre-nuptial agreements are a must. If you're already married, then a post-nup. I've seen so many men get raked over the coals in family court. I've seen businesses destroyed. I've seen life savings and retirement accounts lost. I've...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Why would he say that? Because he's a prick.

On top of that he cheated on you??

Good riddance!!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

let your lawyer, and the judge, determine how much of the finances you get to share. i would suspect it will be 50%


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

He is a bully, full stop. He may be trying to brow beat you in the hopes you will settle for less than you are entitled to, or he may just be trying to hurt you. In any case I would suggest that you respond with a big smile and in a warm voice just say something like " I think the judge will see it differently." If you really want to poke him back add something like "thank you for earning so much money". Always respond to any negative tactics he employs with a sweet gentle voice. He will hate that, but what can he say about it?


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Trying to get into the mind of someone else is a fool's errand. For all you could know he has some type of disorder and there you are trying to apply logic to his actions. As others have said, the best and most satisfying revenge is for you to move on and do better.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Ldziesinski said:


> .......has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect....
> 
> .....From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? ...


From my perspective, he is probably afraid, and rightly so. For many men (I have seen) who seek divorce, it results in a horrific financial reduction in current and future life-style.

The next time he says stuff like that just smile at him and pay him no mind. Talk to an attorney, your own attorney. Be fair, but also take care of yourself.

For most men where community property is the name of the game, a divorce results in a loss of half the combined net worth. That includes things like home, most non-titled personal assets (yes, his sports gear, coin collection, inherited firearms from his grandfather, baseball trading cards from his youth) can all possibly be divided up or forced to be sold or auctioned so you can get your half. The same is true in regards to any company retirement accounts or pensions. 

What you are hearing is him trying to tell himself that divorce is not going to financially hurt as bad as it will. It is wishful thinking on his part to keep up his bravado. 

Again, talk to an attorney, make sure any divorce papers you are asked to sign, have been read over by an attorney who represents your interests.

Good luck.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

🤣🤣 What a silly silly little guy. He is acting this way because he knows he screwed up. He is so full of anger from being caught that he can't contain it. Bully tactics are the only thing left in his toolbag of tricks. He probably thought he was too smart, and too slick to ever get caught. I am willing to bet that after being caught he was so sorry, so sweet, and begged for forgiveness. Probably flowers, gifts, sweet talk, etc. But once he realized that you made a decision, he flipped. 

Just know that whatever he says means nothing. Hire a good attorney and whatever you do, keep all conversations neutral on your end. Do not let anything he says get a rise out of you. Keep all texts, emails, and voice-mail. If he gets nasty in any communications, that's good evidence to establish a pattern of behavior. On top of that, do not verbally agree to ANYTHING he says. Tell him that you will need to contact my attorney. 

If you still can, gather any all all financial documents related to any accounts, debts, and the mortgage. Get someone to appraise the house. If you can't get this information, not that big of a deal. Any decent attorney will be able to obtain all of this information. And if he does make more money than you, so what? 🤷 lol

With all of that said, I wish you luck. Based on what you said it sounds like you are one heck of a hardworking lady who was not afraid to get things done. There are so many decent guys who would jump over the moon for a lady who isn't afraid of yard work and getting her hands dirty. You just unfortunately got in with a piss ant of a guy who didn't realize what he had. I really hope you find someone who treats you with love and respect. I also hope that this experience doesn't tarnish your view on all men. There are guys out there who really appreciate and realize how good they have it.

Not entitled to anything but your clothes 🤣😂😆. Reality is about to hit this guy out of the park.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Ldziesinski said:


> I believe you are right, its like he has been trying to bully me into letting it go. I am not sure why his attorney isnt giving him better advice


You have it backwards, it’s YOUR attorney that should be advocating for your benefit. 

His attorney is there to advocate for him - not to try to get him to play nice to make you happy.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Ldziesinski said:


> I wish there was a way to make him realize that lol


You don’t need to make him realize anything. You’re getting a divorce. All you have to do is hire a good lawyer who makes sure the judge realizes it.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Lady OP,
In a relationship like marriage, there is no such a thing as who did the more remunerative part of the common effort to make a home work. 
Both contribute to the same with non less dignity to it. And till they divorce, they are also partners of the same team in equal terms. Or should.
Besides law protection to your rights, feel rightlly entitled to the half of what both had and builded.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Ldziesinski said:


> So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
> But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.
> 
> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


It's not necessarily bullying, it's he thinks you are below him and treats you as such. I get it, I was like that when I was younger. Most men grow out of it, some don't. You're only problem at this point is your self esteem. I would work on that and once that is fixed, I can promise you, you won't give a crap about what he thinks or does.

Look hard at yourself, what do you see in the mirror? that's your issue right there. FIX IT!


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> 🤣🤣 What a silly silly little guy. He is acting this way because he knows he screwed up. He is so full of anger from being caught that he can't contain it.


No he's not, he's doing because he can and he knows it gets a rise out of her. He doesn't give a rats behind that he screwed up and he won't be full of anger until he see's his antics don't have any effect on her.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

You are divorcing him for cheating on you. So I assume you have a competent (hopefully a shark) attorney. If not, get one. Talk to your attorney and listen only to him. Your cheating husband has no idea the train headed his way. Tell your attorney you are concerned about your safety with him living in house with you because of his anger issues. Ask how you can get a legal separation with him leaving the home until the divorce is finalized.

Let your attorney take the lead, Your husband is about to get the education of his life.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

He's onto someone new. Doesn't want to waste any time or money on you anymore. Some guys are so bad in that way they'll dump any kids they had together too. 

Even so, while you certainly shouldn't be left with just the clothes on your back you should think about what might be fair. If he did the vast majority of the earning then even though you're legally entitled to half that doesn't mean you should take it. Like Mackenzie Bezos. She didn't pretend she was half responsible for Amazon because she was home taking care of the kids, and rightfully so.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
> But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.
> 
> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


This is really a question for a lawyer.

But he sounds nasty to begin with and the tension of a divorce often brings out the worst in otherwise normal people.

I suggest obtaining a good lawyer and letting your future ex butthead try that line with someone that knows the law.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I dunno....Something tells me there is more to this story that we don't know about...

If we take what you are saying as gospel, and that you did absolutely everything properly and was the perfect wife, it would be hard to believe that not only is he with another woman, but now he wants to also put the screws to you...I mean, sure, there are people out there that are just sociopaths and would kill their mother over a dollar, or do something like this, but they are very rare...

I'd say most guys might probably feel ashamed and sorry, even if he was just "done" with you, but you were otherwise a good woman....He wouldn't be looking to also get angry and resentful....To me, anyway, it really doesn't make a whole lot of sense.. but anything is possible...

Be honest with us....what were the events that lead up to this point?? why might he be so resentful to not only run to someone else, but stick it to you sideways?...What are the details that are being left out?...If there aren't any, then fine, chalk this one up to a rare case of some sort of sociopathy,


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> I dunno....Something tells me there is more to this story that we don't know about...
> 
> If we take what you are saying as gospel, and that you did absolutely everything properly and was the perfect wife, it would be hard to believe that not only is he with another woman, but now he wants to also put the screws to you...I mean, sure, there are people out there that are just sociopaths and would kill their mother over a dollar, or do something like this, but they are very rare...
> 
> ...


I am not saying I was a perfect wife. But I did try to be the best I could be. I honestly wish I knew why he was so angry and cruel to me. Even when I found out about the affair I tried to keep things civil and cordial. He told me and my aunt , I don’t deserve anything because I don’t make as much as he does so I had no hand in acquiring any of it. T


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> I dunno....Something tells me there is more to this story that we don't know about...
> 
> If we take what you are saying as gospel, and that you did absolutely everything properly and was the perfect wife, it would be hard to believe that not only is he with another woman, but now he wants to also put the screws to you...I mean, sure, there are people out there that are just sociopaths and would kill their mother over a dollar, or do something like this, but they are very rare...
> 
> ...


But since the day I moved out of the house it has been nothing but hatefulness from him. Hanging her pictures on the wall of our home, her texting me to gloat , him making a video with beyonces to the left song playing in the background with a few small boxes of all in “deserving of” sitting in the corner. A constant trying to get a rise out of me, sending my family weird videos , the list goes on and on


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

gaius said:


> He's onto someone new. Doesn't want to waste any time or money on you anymore. Some guys are so bad in that way they'll dump any kids they had together too.
> 
> Even so, while you certainly shouldn't be left with just the clothes on your back you should think about what might be fair. If he did the vast majority of the earning then even though you're legally entitled to half that doesn't mean you should take it. Like Mackenzie Bezos. She didn't pretend she was half responsible for Amazon because she was home taking care of the kids, and rightfully so.


Most of my income is what made our down payment , so I’d say I worked just as much for it 🤷🏻‍♀️


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Ldziesinski said:


> But since the day I moved out of the house it has been nothing but hatefulness from him. Hanging her pictures on the wall of our home, her texting me to gloat , him making a video with beyonces to the left song playing in the background with a few small boxes of all in “deserving of” sitting in the corner. A constant trying to get a rise out of me, sending my family weird videos , the list goes on and on


Do you think maybe he has developed some kind of mental illness that is masking the actual person you knew as your husband?

Is it possible that he developed bipolar disorder? That condition can cause otherwise normal people to do things that is unlike themselves. When I say that, I mean a person quitting their job, leaving their family, cashing out 401k, and flying to a different country with the grand idea they are going to be famous there upon arrival.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ldziesinski said:


> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that?


Rampant douchebaggery.


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

Ldziesinski said:


> So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
> But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.
> 
> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


Well as I man, I don't know because I don't know him, perhaps thats how he reacts when he's asked to be accountable, or is it just because he's feeling some sort of pressure he's not able to cope with. If there is one thing I've learnt if that once people give themselves the leeway to behave in a particular sort of way, and its not just a phase, it becomes who they are, there is no turning back. If you don't mind me asking, is he a womanizer? or did he give a particular reason for cheating?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Ldziesinski said:


> So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
> But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.
> 
> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


He is a greedy, narcissistic ass hat.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

redmarshall said:


> Well as I man, I don't know because I don't know him, perhaps thats how he reacts when he's asked to be accountable, or is it just because he's feeling some sort of pressure he's not able to cope with. If there is one thing I've learnt if that once people give themselves the leeway to behave in a particular sort of way, and its not just a phase, it becomes who they are, there is no turning back. If you don't mind me asking, is he a womanizer? or did he give a particular reason for cheating?


😂😂 I love this question because I always laugh when I answer it ,” because we have some similar hobbies and some different and because I am shyer and not as sarcastic as he is “ almost 11 years later. For me , knowing him - it translates to I don’t have to be the center of attention at any gathering like he does.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> 😂😂 I love this question because I always laugh when I answer it ,” because we have some similar hobbies and some different and because I am shyer and not as sarcastic as he is “ almost 11 years later. For me , knowing him - it translates to I don’t have to be the center of attention at any gathering like he does.


And as far as the sarcasm goes - he likes to play this game with people where he bullshits them, for instance he was at a work get away , There were some guys playing pool, so he pretended to be a complete moron, not even know what the chalk was called so this guy would “teach” him how to play out of kindness then he could run the table on him.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> And as far as the sarcasm goes - he likes to play this game with people where he bullshits them, for instance he was at a work get away , There were some guys playing pool, so he pretended to be a complete moron, not even know what the chalk was called so this guy would “teach” him how to play out of kindness then he could run the table on him.


And as for being a womanizer , I didn’t think he was or I wouldn’t have married him, but he does like to tell stories of all the girls he has been with, the way he made it happen and how he could laugh women out of their panties …… I always thought it was an insecurity thing, know I’m wondering


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i am wondering if his affair partner is a succubus....someone who is really poisoning his mind with lies about you?


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

So that means he has two sides to him clearly, the one side and the flipside, I guess he does not know when to turn it off or on. People who want to be the centre of attention generally are compensating for something. The other part of it is intrinsic behavior, when people get hurt they sort of revert to their basic instinctive behavior. Some people can take responsibility for their actions and say they messed up, and move forward, in whatever way it is. The other people get mad when its pointed out to them that they made a mistake. Is he one of them?


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i am wondering if his affair partner is a succubus....someone who is really poisoning his mind with lies about you?


I have thought that because everything he has told me is something I’ve heard her say about her own husband but my husband was never this person before her. Never ugly and cruel. Even if he was unhappy he would’ve never been this way. Her on the other hand has told me she has no female friends because they all think she is after their husbands, has already had a man fired from their company for exchanging lude pics , and I would never victim blame but has cried rape on multiple men just in 2021.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

redmarshall said:


> So that means he has two sides to him clearly, the one side and the flipside, I guess he does not know when to turn it off or on. People who want to be the centre of attention generally are compensating for something. The other part of it is intrinsic behavior, when people get hurt they sort of revert to their basic instinctive behavior. Some people can take responsibility for their actions and say they messed up, and move forward, in whatever way it is. The other people get mad when its pointed out to them that they made a mistake. Is he one of them?


I am beginning to think so. There are no apologies just excuses, no common sense , I’ve begged him for civility through this then just had to go no contact for my sanity. He is NEVER wrong.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

I have also considered this. Especially because one night since this started I was at my home grabbing some belongings, he knew I was coming so it was not a surprise. He said hey how ya doing , I said fine , I used the bathroom came out - he immediately accused me of stealing from his wallet because it had fallen over in his upside down hat. He starts screaming calling me everything but my name , stops , looks down, looks back up smiling asks how my foot is doing because it had been broken, I stare at him , and then back to cursing me out


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## LastManStanding77 (11 mo ago)

he's being a ****. He cheated, and he'll owe you alimony and child support. Especially if he's in an at-fault state. He's just trying to intimidate you.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

Ldziesinski said:


> So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
> But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.
> 
> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


I don't know the whole story (ie I don't live in the house and see things) but going off what your saying he sounds like a narcissist or some kind of sociopath. You're entitled to at least 50% in the divorce no matter who makes what. The only way you can get more or less is a fault. If your state has an at fault for adultery, I would file fire divorce under that.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


Arrogance, narcissism, and good plain old fashioned chauvinistic douchebaggery.

And don't worry about him telling you what you are entitled to. A judge and the lawyers will tell him. If he told this to his lawyer, if his lawyer is worth his/her salt, they'll be telling him "That's not how it works".

Just tell your attorney what he says, document EVERYTHING he does with dates and times, what he says to you, etc. Most of it won't matter, but you can establish a pattern that would help in terms of thing, for example, custody of children.

Just tell your attorney to go for his throat. Demand EVERYTHING(even though it will get negotiated down to half of the assets, etc) because that will send him into orbit. Just tell your attorney not to cut him any breaks and let your attorneys do the talking, do NOT talk to him about anything you discuss with your attorney or what you expect. 

He asks anything just say, "talk to my attorney"


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Do you have an attorney? Make sure it is a good one. Their entire purposes is to assure that crap your soon to be ex spouts about how the divorce is going to go, is not how the divorce goes.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
> But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.
> 
> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


He's just a piece of trash, plain and simple.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

drencrom said:


> Arrogance, narcissism, and good plain old fashioned chauvinistic douchebaggery.





BigDaddyNY said:


> He's just a piece of trash, plain and simple.


Both true


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i am wondering if his affair partner is a succubus....someone who is really poisoning his mind with lies about you?


and because she told him, " I have seen this like 15 times...."


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

drencrom said:


> Just tell your attorney to go for his throat. Demand EVERYTHING(even though it will get negotiated down to half of the assets, etc) because that will send him into orbit. Just tell your attorney not to cut him any breaks and let your attorneys do the talking, do NOT talk to him about anything you discuss with your attorney or what you expect.
> 
> He asks anything just say, "talk to my attorney"


I am going to disagree with the go for his throat attitude.

Dont become so full of anger and rage that you lower yourself to trying to completely destroy a person. When you sink that low, you wont even recognize yourself and you will be just as low as he is. 

Get what is rightfully yours and get this divorce finalized asap. You are going to go through so many emotions and I believe you should focus on healing and starting your new life. Its just materialistic stuff that is going to drag this on as well as cost you financially and emotionally.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I am going to disagree with the go for his throat attitude.
> 
> Dont become so full of anger and rage that you lower yourself to trying to completely destroy a person. When you sink that low, you wont even recognize yourself and you will be just as low as he is.
> 
> Get what is rightfully yours and get this divorce finalized asap. You are going to go through so many emotions and I believe you should focus on healing and starting your new life. Its just materialistic stuff that is going to drag this on as well as cost you financially and emotionally.


I completely agree. Divorce is hard, I know, and I've seen it change people into something they're not and later in life they can't believe how they behaved. Let your lawyer handle it and ask that it be fair, no more, and stay as far away as is possible. Work on healing, not hating. Don't let this turn you into a bitter, angry person. This is just something that happened to you, it does not define you.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Most relationship breakups eventually reach a point of acceptance, married or not. If people could possibly hold off on officially divorcing until they reach a point of acceptance, then practically all of these situations would be fairer, far less acrimonious, and even.....if you can believe... cooperative. But people get petty and vindictive, don't want to wait, and would rather pay untold thousands to attorneys who have ZERO motivation to dissolve it peacefully and fairly. And in turn cause themselves misery, grief and aggravation.

It's too bad and I've seen this situation play out a number of times. What once was a bitter breakup then eventually becomes regret later when acceptance happens.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ldziesinski said:


> I believe you are right, its like he has been trying to bully me into letting it go. I am not sure why his attorney isnt giving him better advice


If he's repeating what his attorney told him, then his attorney is playing your husband. If the attorney can get a big fight going, he, the attorney, stands to make a lot of money of your divorce.

I assume you have your own attorney. Is that right?

How long were you two married.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

hamadryad said:


> Most relationship breakups eventually reach a point of acceptance, married or not. If people could possibly hold off on officially divorcing until they reach a point of acceptance, then practically all of these situations would be fairer, far less acrimonious, and even.....if you can believe... cooperative. But people get petty and vindictive, don't want to wait, and would rather pay untold thousands to attorneys who have ZERO motivation to dissolve it peacefully and fairly. And in turn cause themselves misery, grief and aggravation.
> 
> It's too bad and I've seen this situation play out a number of times. What once was a bitter breakup then eventually becomes regret later when acceptance happens.


That is a really good point.... But I wonder how often that would work or happen? Its one thing to talk about something, but its another thing when it actually happens.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> That is a really good point.... But I wonder how often that would work or happen? Its one thing to talk about something, but its another thing when it actually happens.


It probably occurs more often with people of lesser means that often do things of necessity rather than raw emotion. For many of these folks they simply can't offord to let it get ugly..

But whatever. People can often do things in an unconventional manner, they just need to tune out the noise and make decisions not based on convention all the time. It's difficult, because no matter how much sense it makes, you still need two people on the same page, that are no longer considered a couple..

Anyway, I don't want to veer off topic, its just sad when you see these things happen when they don't necessarily have to...It's just cutting nose to spite face, when you stop and think about it...


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Ldziesinski said:


> So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
> But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.
> 
> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...


He is full of ****. Lawyer up.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> If he's repeating what his attorney told him, then his attorney is playing your husband. If the attorney can get a big fight going, he, the attorney, stands to make a lot of money of your divorce.
> 
> I assume you have your own attorney. Is that right?
> 
> How long were you two married.


I do not think its his attorney, I think he is just a cruel jerk with a holier than though attitude.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> It probably occurs more often with people of lesser means that often do things of necessity rather than raw emotion. For many of these folks they simply can't offord to let it get ugly..
> 
> But whatever. People can often do things in an unconventional manner, they just need to tune out the noise and make decisions not based on convention all the time. It's difficult, because no matter how much sense it makes, you still need two people on the same page, that are no longer considered a couple..
> 
> Anyway, I don't want to veer off topic, its just sad when you see these things happen when they don't necessarily have to...It's just cutting nose to spite face, when you stop and think about it...


Absolutely. I would never have thought it would have been like this or that he would act like this. I have literally begged him to be civil , this is what he wanted per him, So I dont understand the ugliness.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I am going to disagree with the go for his throat attitude.
> 
> Dont become so full of anger and rage that you lower yourself to trying to completely destroy a person. When you sink that low, you wont even recognize yourself and you will be just as low as he is.
> 
> Get what is rightfully yours and get this divorce finalized asap. You are going to go through so many emotions and I believe you should focus on healing and starting your new life. Its just materialistic stuff that is going to drag this on as well as cost you financially and emotionally.


Oh no I am not. I want this to be fair. I have tried to let my attorney take the lead so that my emotions from his cheating and things he has said and done to me dont run this. Its just the thought that he cheated, he wanted this and he somehow has made me into be this low life loser that does not deserve anything , and never did a thing for him in 10 years.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I am going to disagree with the go for his throat attitude.
> 
> Dont become so full of anger and rage that you lower yourself to trying to completely destroy a person. When you sink that low, you wont even recognize yourself and you will be just as low as he is.


I didn't say what I said with regards to hoping she becomes full of anger. I said what I said because I've been through it. I don't really want or like to subscribe to the "go for the throat" tactic either actually.

But if she thinks he is going to be civil about this, I'd bet 80/20 she'd be wrong. My X wanted it to be amicable. But when my attorney got that first letter of demands, I knew the gloves had to come off.

Based on what she is saying about this guy, he's already playing dirty.

So maybe "go for the throat" is the wrong choice of words. Telling her attorney to do what he/she has to do to make him realize she isn't screwing around is a better choice of words.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> Oh no I am not. I want this to be fair. I have tried to let my attorney take the lead so that my emotions from his cheating and things he has said and done to me dont run this. Its just the thought that he cheated, he wanted this and he somehow has made me into be this low life loser that does not deserve anything , and never did a thing for him in 10 years.


I hear ya. I get it. We all didn't ask to be in this position. We don't want things to go bad, we want it to go smoothly and just be over.

But this right here tells me he isn't going to play fair: "*But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect*."

You're right, don't let emotions run this. Just don't get railroaded by a man who might be instructing his attorney that he doesn't want you to have anything, or may even be hiding assets/accounts, etc.

If your attorney is worth their salt, you'll be fine. But at the very least, I'd go for discovery in case he is hiding assets.


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## Defhero (Jan 5, 2022)

Ldziesinski said:


> So I am going through a divorce, my husband cheated - has turned into the biggest, meanest bully on the playground bla bla bla...
> But has told me multiple times that because I do not make the amount of money he does, I am not entitled to anything except my clothes ect. I have always worked, if I was not working it was something we agreed upon. Even while working I did the cleaning, cooking , managed money, took care of the yard ect - point being I was no lazy 24/7 do nothing wife.
> 
> From a mans perspective - what would make a person say something like that? We worked together to get what we have...



Some questions? Originally, you did not mention raising kids. So, did you move into his house? How long have you been together? Why did he cheat? Because there is a reason, because it is leading to this divorce...
I will answer in short. If this was a short relationship, then his money was used to buy where your at now. If not, then he has no options when it comes to the courts. If it was his house 1st then you have your answer already.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Defhero said:


> Some questions? Originally, you did not mention raising kids. So, did you move into his house? How long have you been together? Why did he cheat? Because there is a reason, because it is leading to this divorce...
> I will answer in short. If this was a short relationship, then his money was used to buy where your at now. If not, then he has no options when it comes to the courts. If it was his house 1st then you have your answer already.


No we bought our home together, we have been together 10 years. He told me it was because I was too shy and not sarcastic enough for him. There was no mention of any problems to me before I found out. The occasional argument about something, not frequent at all. The only thing I know about the cheating is the woman, also married is a repeat offender. She told my stbxh that she has done this around 15 times.....


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i am wondering if his affair partner is a succubus....someone who is really poisoning his mind with lies about you?


Not to take blame from him but I do believe this. She told him - she has done this like 15 times, and it still didnt click


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

Ldziesinski said:


> Not to take blame from him but I do believe this. She told him - she has done this like 15 times, and it still didnt click


Sorry OP. He is a sociopath. There are different types: narcissist, borderline, histrionic, etc. They all have in common: lying, manipulation, ego, drama, etc. They do these things for pleasure, revenge, boost ego, control, etc. You can study your stbxh all you want and wonder why he did these things but it will be a rabbit hole to go down. It's part of the healing/grief process though. Don't let it consume you. I suggest you get into therapy and join a support group. Exercise, volunteer, religion, etc.

Also, legally, he can't take anything joint property from you without a court order. It's just empty threats. Let him talk all he wants. I suggest consulting with an attorney soon if you haven't already. Don't leave the house!!! That can be a reason he could try to lock you out. If you have children, don't abandon care. Also, don't give into the drama of contacting this other woman. The best thing to do is get through this, take care of yourself, and move on. 

I speak because I am almost done with her divorce. It's her divorce because she chose to leave, file, and convince me I am a horrible person. She then gets caught in a serious emotional affair if not physical starting before she left. I don't care though, I have enough to move on and I am. It's hard but it can be done. Men and women are the same. Both will lie, steal, cheat to get whatever they want. Godspeed OP!


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