# Husband will not close failing business



## Cherrysoduh

Hello,

I am not really sure where to start. Married for 13 years with 1 child in the gome. We are 32 years old. About 5 years ago my husbamd quit his full time job to open his own business. This business has had about 1 good year and that was the first year it was opened. Since then we have been living paycheck to paycheck (from my job).

Every month we struggle with overdraft charges, getting extensiom after extension for utilites, rent, my car payment ect. There is never any left over money for anything "fun." 

This last past year has been very hard. My husband had two customers sue him for work performed by business. He did not tell me about this. I found out on my own. He also took out a title loan on his vechicle which was repossessed, which he also lied to me about for months until he finally fessed up about what really happened to it. His drivers license is currently suspended because of unpaid tickets-I also found this out from a DMV notice in the mail.

For the last 2 years he tells me 3 more months if things do not turn around I will get a job. Well, obviously those months have came and past many times and I would not be writing here if things were better. He worked long hours most of the time 12+ hours a day nearly 7 days a week. When he was home he was sleeping or too tired to do anything or help around the house.

This past winter my child and I left for 3 months and lived with family because I could not deal with the financial problems any longer. The whole time I continued to support him by paying half of the rent, the electric bill and loaning him $50 here and there. He begged me to come back. Said he did not want to lose me and promised he would cloae down the shop by the summer if he couldnt keep his head above water any longer. He also promised to to provide more to the household. This of course has not happened. He has however been home more.

I work full time 40 hours a week and also have a part time job. I am literally at my wits end. I know at this rate we will most likely never be able to buy a house. I am tired of juggling bills and having to tell my child-no you cant have this or that. As horrible as it sounds I am tired of waering the same clothes to work, seeing my friends going on vacation. I avoid going anywhere with anyone bc I can not afford to buy a $20 shirt if I go shopping with my friends or cough up extra money for dinner with my friends. 

I love my husband dearly. I have a hard time understanding why he is choosing his business over his family. I know it is hard for him to give up his dream. But his dream has turned my life into a nightmare. I have started looking into getting my own place. I do not know what else to do.


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## stevehowefan

Sorry you're here. My wife and I were in a similar situation when we got married in 2004. I got activated to go to Iraq, and that alleviated a lot of debt over the 17 months I was on title 10. With things like this, perhaps being ready to lose your husband is the only way to save him. One final ultimatum: help me support US, or we're done. It will sting. It will be sad. It does sound like your husband is trying to do the right thing, in his mind at least. It's hard for some people to admit when they're in the "wrong." I say this a lot to my friends IRL: joining the military was the best decision I ever made. Granted it was only the National Guard, but it allowed me to go overseas and make tax-free money, allowed me to have Tricare (insurance), I got wounded by an IED (Purple Heart tag is free), I got my BA and my MA paid for by the GI Bill, and since I was wounded in the line of duty, I will be able to get my retirement early rather than later. Is the military out of the question for you guys, even if it is just the Guard or Reserve?


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## Caribbean Man

Hi,I read your story because I was in a similar situation many years ago.
I am male and my wife and I own and operate a business.
But it was not always good. I tried twice with two other businesses and failed.
My wife was getting tired, we don't have any kids though.
But the third time , the business was successful and still is.
What I can say is that I never wanted to work for anybody. That is what kept me going even though things got hard.

However, in your case, your husband is not being truthful to you and is hiding information that's affecting you financially.
My suggestion is that you both need to sit down and come to a compromise on this.
The business has been failing.
He may not want to quit because the business may have been his dream.
I am thinking you maybe should ask him to at least get a part time job to support his part of the rent and other bills IF he wants to keep fighting for the business.[ This is what I did , and it worked out] He should at least be able to handle his side of the bills / finances.

If he doesn't want to accept a reasonable compromise, then you have no other option but to give him an ultimatum.


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## 827Aug

The lying is what bothers me most in your situation. There's probably a lot more that you don't know about. That's what really caused problems when my estranged husband and I owned a business. He lied and hide so many things, the accountants and I couldn't even get an accurate picture of "where we were".

Can he even get a job after being sued? Why is he doing such inferior work? Exactly why is the business failing?


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## Cherrysoduh

Thank you for all the replies.

The business location is not thd best. There is no drive by business-so it is all word of mouth basiclly. He seems to always say he is "busy" and if I do go up there he obviously has cars that he is working on. 

Last year, he went back to his old job parttime to try and make ends meet. That lasted about a month. He couldnt keep up with his shop and working part time. 

I agree while the struggling financially hurts me. What kills me is finding out about things he has hide financially from me. We have nipped and cut away just about every luxury we had. We still both have cell phones but we do not have cable, internet, or anything of the like. 

When I try and talk to him about the business he gets defensive and says if I cant be with him during the struggle then I dont need to be there when he suceeds. It was my idea that he open his own shop. He does not have any employees except his brother whom he pays cash. Matter of fact for the last 2 years he has operated on cash only. Therefore, there is no electronic way to really monitor what he is doing with his money. He keeps track of it in his head.

I guess my main fear is that he is going to go down and take us with him. I guess its important to note he has no high school diploma or ged and has been a mechanic his whole life. I am a teacher and I also work a part time job.

It is to the point where I sign up for extra shifts at my part time job becauae I can not stand to look at him. My parents do not understand why I am still here. They are from the generation in which the man supports the family-no matter what. 

I know someone asked about the lawsuits. I was told it was because he never completed the work. Now if this is true-who knows. As far as why the business is failing-I am assuming it is a money flow problem. Robbing Peter to pay Paul type of thing. 

It hurts me because deep down I think he will drive himself and this shop until the ground until he literally is living on the streets. I do not forsee him closing it. I guess there are so many "what ifs" and I do not have all the answers nor does anyone else. I know many people say to atick it out thru the ups and downs, good times and bad times, rich or poor. But, how much is enough? How long is a feasable amount of time? I feel selfish and bad for feeling this way about him and the business. I am not wanting a big house, a yacht or big fancy SUV. I just want to live comfortably and be able to not think twice about going to the movie theater once in awhile.


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## Cherrysoduh

I guess at this point I do not believe the ultimatum will work. He,knows that I wil continue to say "okay 3 more months" or pick up extra shifts to make it work.

I am honestly thinking of moving out and doing a month to month lease at a apartment. Because I think this maybe the only way to "show" him thaf I am serious. I guess in the back of my mind I have a feeling that this will be it. If I go-he may still refuse to shut it down and only come crawling back when he literally has nothing left but the clothes on his back. At that point myy animosity towards him will probably be too much to salvage our relationship.

Again, I really apreciate the outside view on my situation and typing this has been somewhat therapeutic. Sorry for the typos as I am using my cell. I promise I am not illiterate.


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## Caribbean Man

Ok.
I understand your background a little better.
I am thinking that because of his educational level, he may not be properly managing whatever little little money he's making from the business.
The fact that he's using cash means that he doesn't have a saving or financial records / history with a bank.The only way that business could come out of the red is if he gets a loan. But without a proper cash flow and history that would be very difficult.
It may also be affecting your credit, and later your ability to access a mortgage. 

My only suggestion is this;
In addition to all that you said above, if you want to still try with him, may I suggest that you tell him the only way you would agree to giving it another chance is if he let you do the business accounts.

No more hiding the accounts from you, and YOU control the spending. In that way , both of you can have a say in the business, you could have a better insight and control over the finances , the business and his spending.
After all your money is also involved and you are making great sacrifices.
Sorry ,but as far as I can see things look bleak.

If he doesn't want to accept that, then you may to cut your losses and leave.
You cannot allow his recalcitrance to endanger you and your kid's future.
Best wishes in the future , and please don't blame yourself for his condition.


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## PBear

Well, the problem with your "ultimatums" is that you're making them, but not enforcing them. So all you're doing is teaching him that he can safely ignore what you say. Next time you move out, STAY moved out until you see tangible evidence that he's changed his behavior. If you waited to move back home till he got another job (instead of accepting his promise he'd change), maybe you would t be posting here now. 

Just a thought... I know you're trying, and you're in a tough situation. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

I'm surprised you guys had a good year before everything went to hell, normally it's a two year survival period before the business is established enough to drive a profit. After two years most businesses close up shop if unsuccessful, it looks like you'll have to enforce your ultimatum. Is he breaking even at the very least?


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## 827Aug

I guess I'm still wondering why his work is sub-par or below and why he is a cash business. I know quite a few mechanics who work out of their home based shops--several are way out in the country. They all have thriving businesses and mostly accept checks or credit cards. Something just doesn't add up.

His behavior sounds a lot like my estranged husband's. My estranged husband got so distracted that he destroyed our business. His vices were expensive wines, women, and partying. He was stealing cash out of the business to pay for his activities. In the end suppliers cut us off and we had very little inventory. You may need to do some investigating.


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## Caribbean Man

827Aug said:


> I guess I'm still wondering why his work is sub-par or below and why he is a cash business. I know quite a few mechanics who work out of their home based shops--several are way out in the country. They all have thriving businesses and mostly accept checks or credit cards. Something just doesn't add up.
> 
> *His behavior sounds a lot like my estranged husband's. My estranged husband got so distracted that he destroyed our business. His vices were expensive wines, women, and partying. He was stealing cash out of the business to pay for his activities. In the end suppliers cut us off and we had very little inventory. You may need to do some investigating*.


You could very well be right.
Didn't even think of it from that^^^ angle...

Then that would explain his [OP's husband ] secrecy and lying about the accounts.


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