# Just a Tangent



## BronteVillette (Jun 16, 2012)

I miss him. I miss us. I miss even the routine day to day of our married life. I want my husband back! I want my life back! 

Everything feels so wrong now. After everything we were to each other, how can he just stop loving me? How can he toss me aside and replace me? What happened that was so bad we couldn't fix it together? Why didn't he tell me what he was going through before it got to this point?

What happened to our little inside jokes? Our long, deep and intimate conversations late into the night? Where did the sweet gestures of love go? The little notes, the random small gifts, slow dancing in the kitchen over boiling pasta? All of it and everything we shared- it wasn't that long ago. Fifteen years and suddenly it doesn't seem to matter to him.

All the colors have faded. The hours tick by, empty. Was it all a facade? Before, when he looked into my eyes, I believed I could feel his sincerity. Now, am I to believe it was all just a dream? He said he changed. What does that mean? Will this ever make sense?

If he truly loved me before, can't he love me again? Or is he so far gone from me now that I mean nothing to him? 

Will I ever have the answers? The not knowing is so hard.

I must be strong! I must stay focused on me and my own growth. I know this rationally, but then the sorrow has a way of creeping in and finding it's comfortable hold on me.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Keep venting away on here if you need to, even if you keep repeating yourself. It's better that way.

Hope you wake up tomorrow feeling a little better than the day before. :fro:


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Awww  This just stings my heart... Nothing useful to add, but I can offer hugs and positive vibes!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

The proverbial "highlight reel".

Imagine you're sitting in the theatre and the michael bay explosion fest of a trailer goes on for two hours. No dialogue, no plot development, just random things blowing up. You'd get up and leave.

You'll have a moment where you'll actually see him as he is now. And surprisingly, it won't hurt. It will actually help. It will be the flip side of the same coin. Something to balance those memories against. I just had that moment recently.


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## Rawrdonstein (Jun 14, 2012)

We have all been there. Drowning in the emotional flood. I learned something fast that helped me.

I will feel like **** as long as I want to feel like ****.

Do things that make you feel ALIVE.

Time will take care of the rest.


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## Reese100 (Jun 19, 2012)

BronteVillette said:


> I must be strong! I must stay focused on me and my own growth. I know this rationally, but then the sorrow has a way of creeping in and finding it's comfortable hold on me.


It can and will be better. Here's an article that can help explain what's going on and give you some tools to deal with it. You can get your power back!

Francine Shapiro, Ph.D.: How To Take Back Your Power After A Divorce


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I didn't even have to read your whole post, the first sentence did me in and I feel exactly the same way. I've not been replaced by anyone, just the hope of a better future on his own. Needs to find himself. It's all so very sad. I was hoping against hope that there would be a reconciliation between us, but when I finally got the nerve to come right out and ask him night before last, although he didn't give me a straight "no", it wasn't positive. I felt like I've started all over from square one with the emotional roller coaster. It's been almost a year that we've been separated and I'm still not over him. It's my own fault, I didn't use this time to better myself or stay away from him...kind of hard to do when he's the one coming around, but I didn't set boundaries and now my heart is breaking all over again. This isn't supposed to be the way our story ended, but it looks like it's what will happen.

Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. 

We'll get through this, we really will, we just can't go around it.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Please please stay on here. You need us & we need you. Read our threads & see that we are going through it with you. I have those feelings day & night. Seek counselling & ask Dr for meds. Express every one of the feelings on here, I feel exactly the way you do.I'm 9 weeks into separation & feels like a little more dies every day. I'm/we are here with & for you


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## sadsoul101 (Oct 18, 2011)

I completely relate to this post. My throat is currently raw and hurts from crying so much, my eyes are puffy and red, it's been really warm outside lately too, adding to my sense of being ill at ease. I miss my STBXH beyond belief, despite all the bull****.

Tomorrow is move out day too...intensifying the feelings.


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## jen12 (Jul 7, 2011)

BronteVillette - I can totally relate to your feelings. I think I went through and am going through the same thing. It's all these mixed feelings with memory flashbacks. It will decrease overtime. I am not sure it will ever go away that quickly. But it will be better each day. I haven't shared my story on this thread yet. Please PM me if anyone is going through this.


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## blossom29 (May 19, 2012)

Bronte i could have written this myself, you would not be human if you didnt feel this way. I love how articulately you have described your feelings, it makes perfect sense in a world of heartbreak where nothing makes sense, if you know what i mean. 

I think the questions, fears, grief, is something that most people on here can totally relate to. Concentrate on you, thats the way forward. I try to do this now, i find sometimes i actually feel numb, i have built a fence around my emotions and i try hard not to think about my 9 years of marriage, as the pain is just too much to bear. 

For now, i am surviving, just. I have not stopped living, its a constant battle, but its one that we will all win someday. best of luck to you xx


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