# Can't let go!



## not fair (Jul 31, 2011)

First post! Been together 27 years! Been a roller coaster marriage full of highs and lows, Depression, anger and tempers resulting in big fights! Relocation to a new country, unemployment resulting in mans loss of confidence, financial worries, ADD, counselling and so much more! I have been the boring stable one in the same job and fairly good at what I do!

My man after being in and out of jobs found one interstate and took it, but I stayed where I was for work and the kids education! I thought he understood, but didn't! Life has not been easy for him starting there on his own, while life for us carried on with its routines and business! But I let him down as have not been there to listen to him when he needed me! I thought it would be good for him to find his self confidence and would help him to be the man I used to have and love, 
but it has all back fired and three months ago he asked for a separation and I said okay but he has already moved on and has another woman, involving himself in her family as well - It breaks me up in such a big way!, and I have only seen him twice since he asked for a separation and it kills me as I love him so much still, and we end up fighting so much! I wonder so much as to who this woman is how is she better than me? My imagination is in overdrive! Does he do all the little things for her that he did for me? While my kids miss out on their dad he is there for her family! I miss him!

He says it is because I was not there for him, but I have stuck with him through all the highs and lows and he leaves me for another woman who he says is fun and she listens and laughs with him! While I sit here and dealing with the financial stuff and the life he has left behind! He says I am to serious and need to enjoy life! (JOKE!) I am so broken and just hate the thought and feelings that I have lost him! He says that he loves me, but it is over! It didn't work! He gives me so many reasons as to how I failed him, but I tried so hard to be there for him in so many ways! 

He says he wants to be friends, especially for the kids, and I still want him,but it is killing me! I have tried to be kind, understanding, have been angry too but now I am just broken! I know I have to let go, and will have to move on but don't know how much more I can take!


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

He blames you for HIS problems. Cheats on you. Why do you want this for yourself? Chances are, his interest in the other woman will be fleeting... She's just a new toy to play with.

Leave him, there isn't much you can do when he's convinced you're the problem. If you argue your innocence you'll only be adding fuel to the fire. If you accept the blame then he has been successful in getting the focus off of himself. 

You deserve someone who will at least communicate with you about the problems they're having, instead of just jumping the gun like he did. I realize that the two of you have been together quite a significant amount of time... but this can be seen as a new phase and opportunity for you. Even if you convinced him to give it another shot and leave this other girl, you will always know in the back of your mind that you had to CONVINCE him. His chances for repeating the same behavior are pretty high, I think.

Getting a hobby, spending time with friends and perhaps some transitional counseling/advising would be beneficial to you.

I am very sorry that you are going through this... I know how painful it is, and how hard the advice is to swallow. Just know it will get better with time. Allow yourself to express all the emotions you feel in a healthy way... letter writing, exercise, etc. Adopt the mindset that HE'S the one who lost something special, not the other way around.  *hugs*


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