# Heartbreak of losing ex's family



## typewittyusernamehere (Feb 12, 2011)

I just got through a divorce, and am heartbroken about how his family, whom were my family for ten years are treating me. It's not like we didn't get along, we were actually very close. Spent a lot of time with them, vacationed with them. I am so very, very sad. I can't believe the people who I called family, and visa versa, could be so heartless and harsh. I don't know how to handle it....


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

I know something of how you feel; 10 years after I split with my ex, having had them to stay, spent time with them, xmases with them, etc etc, I haven't spoken to them once
My children from my ex kept in touch with them (as you might expect and hope) but me, not a word
I guess they saw me as the 'bad guy' in our split - could that be the case with your break up maybe?
I tried not to see it as heartless and harsh because I figured they were just on 'his side' regardless of the many nuances of circumstances
Maybe tell us more about what they're doing?
Have you children? Do they see his family with him?
Plus bear in mind that if it's a recent split you're likely to be feeling raw about everything so this might be magnified beyond what is realistic


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## typewittyusernamehere (Feb 12, 2011)

madimoff said:


> I know something of how you feel; 10 years after I split with my ex, having had them to stay, spent time with them, xmases with them, etc etc, I haven't spoken to them once
> My children from my ex kept in touch with them (as you might expect and hope) but me, not a word
> I guess they saw me as the 'bad guy' in our split - could that be the case with your break up maybe?
> I tried not to see it as heartless and harsh because I figured they were just on 'his side' regardless of the many nuances of circumstances
> ...


I think they think I am the bad guy, they are a very close knit family. They insult me, they harass me with rude texts. We do have a child, and yes, does visit them with him.
It is a recent split, but they are being down right nasty. It just baffles me, because I know my relationship with them wasn't fake, or forced. I understand their loyalty to him, but it doesn't ease the hurt.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

typewittyusernamehere said:


> I think they think I am the bad guy, they are a very close knit family. They insult me, they harass me with rude texts. We do have a child, and yes, does visit them with him.
> It is a recent split, but they are being down right nasty. It just baffles me, because I know my relationship with them wasn't fake, or forced. I understand their loyalty to him, but it doesn't ease the hurt.


From that I'd say your priority has to be ensuring the best you can that their venom towards you isn't witnessed by your child, your ex-husband is probably the only one you can approach about this given that you presumably have direct face to face contact with him
which raises a question does he know they're doing this?
Though of course whether or not he'll prove to be prepared to defend his child against inter-family upset might also depend on how acrimonious your split was - my ex was the most placid man on earth til we were splitting then he became quite unpleasant for quite some time and the children witnessed it all (verbal) but now, 10 years down the line, _(*he calmed down probably within the first 18m or so)_ we meet at his house, have cups of tea, talk about the children's progress etc and he talks to my now partner, has had my son (new partner's) at his house, all aok
I just hope you can either nip this in the bud or that it proves just to be because, as I said, everything's very raw right now (when did this happen?)


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