# Signs when you knew it was point of no return?



## allowingthecakeeating

What are some signs to know if your WWS is really done in the marriage? 

What did you see that made it clear in your brain "its over" ? 

At what point did acceptance come? 

Thanks so much!


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## Welsh TXN

When I found him the POSOM in my bedroom cowering in the closet I knew I could never trust her again and I knew I never wanted to be sexual with her again. 

That was my closure right there then the lies and gas lighting started I look back and realized it was going on for about 1month prior to when I found him in my house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Trollin for sex on Craigslist. His reply to that disgusting ad was obscene....and now comical and embarrassing for him. lol.


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## vi_bride04

When he still blamed me for the affair - literally said "It's your fault I cheated" after being in R for 5 yrs....and then discovering chat logs showing a slippery slope into a possible EA. Decided I wasn't going down THAT road again!


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## Stretch

When I fell in love with someone else.


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## brokenbythis

When he got another woman pregnant - when we were separated but "working on it" and still married. The woman he got pregnant was a friend of his daughters, from church 

SO DONE.


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## cheburg123

When wife, after being busted having affair, sat with arms folded and hat pulled over eyes at marriage counselor.


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## Mandia99508

allowingthecakeeating said:


> What are some signs to know if your WWS is really done in the marriage?
> 
> What did you see that made it clear in your brain "its over" ?
> 
> At what point did acceptance come?
> 
> Thanks so much!


I knew it was over when he stopped touching me. He never wanted to have sex either. We stopped fighting and simply existed in a stagnated state. The neglect grew beyond reasonable. He never logged on to his email in front of me. He would sleep on the couch until just before I woke up. 

I accepted it when I finally talked about all of the neglect to my parents. 
Once divorced it took a while for me to accept it was over. He and I had to cease all contact or I was never going to heal otherwise the grief was endless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostInMT

When I read the text messages between her and PosOM about getting together and having sex/saying I love you during the time we were discussing the chances of R.


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## GettingBetter

When her and POSOM called me and started making threats about taking the kids away from me, dragging me through the court, laughing at me.
Well, I am the one laughing now.


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## whitehawk

Just deleted my real answer , makes me too sick but I'll go for the second one.
After she first told me she wanted to separate , we spent the next mth fighting and lots and lots of talking , we even held hands talking , in bed .
She'd even squeeze my hand harder , like she never wanted to let it go , she'd moan and purr the way she always did whenever I touched her - yet every time , time after time , her answer was still the same.
She still wanted to separate.
After 6wks of that and a 1.000 other things , I excepted there was nothing I could do. 
Then to try any further only to still get that at the end every time , started to feel down right insulting so I gave up.


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## Nsweet

When she openly said "I love you" to the POSOM on facebook and myspace, talking about how much she wanted to kiss him again, and changed her relationship status to being married to him.... All of this said so openly that her family, my family, the POSOMs family, and her friends could see she was cheating. 
She never was too bright, bless her heart (Texan, for "f*ck you!")

It's kind of hard to talk about when I accepted that is was over. You see I fought for my marriage probably longer and harder than anyone else here. I mean I read every book, watched every video, and took up the best MC alone living off of false hope to save the woman I thought was special. It took me calling her at the end of a noose and being told how I was to blame for everything and that I should just kill myself to piss me off enough to tell her to f*ck off completely and get my life back. I guess there's a creative message there.... She was my life, until I took it in my own hands and decided to live again. She even called me back a month later, but I was in no mood to "play nice" with her ever again. 

Part of acceptance for me was talking with married women here and realizing I wasn't some assh*le like she made me out to be. I was more giving with her than I probably should have been and indeed deserved someone who treated me better, ie non abusive. But also that I know I never should have married that woman, and if I could do it again I would have just dated her and then let her go when she cheated. I know I can talk about this now, I don't regret the relationship but I do regret marrying her before I knew who she really was and then holding onto that image of the woman I though I knew for so long.


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## that_girl

I also knew it was over when he left the 2nd time in 2 years and I felt relieved.

Yep.


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## that_girl

> I don't regret the relationship but I do regret marrying her before I knew who she really was and then holding onto that image of the woman I though I knew for so long.


Yes. Except for me, it was a man. ha. I don't regret the marriage or loving him, or our little girl.

I DO regret not LISTENING to him when he told me who he was.


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## Nsweet

that_girl said:


> I DO regret not LISTENING to him when he told me who he was.


Exactly! After my divorce I learned to pay careful attention to the red flags you see first, and to use your dating experiences as interviews instead of "looking for love". Really, you just have to hold everyone to a high standard and not lower the bar because you're lonely, having a relationship out of convenience, or want it to work with that person. 

Now if I see something that's odd I make a note of it, but if I see any red flags for things like cheating, drug use, pressure to commit before she get to know me, trying to Oops! men with pregnancy entrapment, abuse of her exes, and perpetual lies... I do not date that woman! I don't care how lovely she is I will not give any second chances to someone I feel I can't trust. And part of that means I want her to test me as much as I test her and not be looking to jump into a whirlwind romance with a stranger.


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## BetrayedNoMore

I gave her one chance to make it or break it. Once the NC was broken, I was done.


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## Jellybeans

Sitting in court on the day of the divorce.


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## LoveMouse

I'll say the first night I found out she cheated and wasn't even sorry about any pain she caused me, she was only sorry she got caught.
I hung in there for a year but it was only b/c I wanted her to take responcibility for her actions. I never wanted to hear "I made a mistake and your father couldn't forgive that one little mistake." Not only did I drag her sorry huge axx into MC but I kept catching her in lies and w/ other men.....all that information was given to her family....I never wanted them to say "mouse didn't give it his all" I made sure there was no escaping the truth.
I filed for divorce after she quit MC (and this is funny), that same day she asked "did you file?" and I said "yes", she strolled around the garage w/ her arms crossed and then threw my chair, swept off my table off, picked up the chair, sat down and said "LISTEN TO ME MOTHER FUXKER, YOUR NOT GOING TO DIVORCE ME, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO.....your going to clean this damn garage out, fill it w/ bikes and balls and things for the kids and I to play w/. YOUR going to start eating what I make and it's going to taste like crap b/c it's good for you!! Next, your going to get rid of all these tractors and start doing all the things I WANT YOU TO DO, like put the fence, paint the house and fix the problem in the bedroom. I'm going to keep you so busy your not going to have time to think about what I'm doing!!" I was laughing the whole time, but I asked "is there anything else?" She replied "YES! you eat my pusxy pretty good and I need it eaten soon, so finish up what your doing, I'll be downstairs waiting..."
I replied w/ my demands and she filed for divorce 5 weeks later. lol
One of my demands was she enter MC w/ me and she did everything the MC told her to do......it was just too much for her so she filed.
When she told me she filed I smiled and said "thank God!!  now we can both move on w/ our lives like we want and stop pretending we're married. " She cried and wanted to know why I didn't stop her like she stopped me. LMAO
2 weeks after I moved out she had her BF spending the night, yes I made sure her family knew, they kept telling me she was going to change but I made sure that was never an option. 
Happily divorced
Mouse


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## arbitrator

Other than her semi-occasional distance, there were no real signs that I ever really suspected. We kissed, we had enjoyable sex!

Then it was her out-of-town "business" trips, maybe. Then her telling me on that fateful March morning that she thought that we were in need of a "trial separation," conveniently concurrent with my youngest son getting out of high school school for the summer in May.

*Kind of thought that it might have been her hormones or something! Then upon the eventual separation itself, all kissing and casual contact abruptly ceased.

Some nine months into separation, I learned the painful, deceptive truth by receiving a thorough examination of her cell phone/texting/FB records running some 18 months prior. *

Yeah! It was definitely her hormones, alright! But her logical explanation could have well been that all she was really doing was merely just getting in a little "bedtime experience" elsewhere, where she could come back home to me and richly show off a few of her "new tricks" in bed, all while trying to give me some kind of an STD for a parting gift.


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## toonaive

After 5 years of false R, and lots of rugsweeping. When she went out after work, and didn't come home. No communication at all. Fearing the worst. At 2am I filed a missing persons report. Police came to the house with lights flashing. At 6am she shows up the house, and just looks at me and say she doesn't know what to say, and has no explanation. Needless to say, I took my time cancelling the missing persons. She finally pleaded for me to cancel it later that morning, because the police kept calling for her at her work. That was it. Done. out. Period. She moved out of our home, left our sons with me. Divorce hopefully finalized soon. Months later, I found out who she was with. Along with many other men over the past 18 months separation. The worst part of it was, I feared the something bad had happened to her when she didn't show up home after work. I really did care. I was indeed too naive. I wont worry about her safety anymore.


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## COguy

I wish I could say it was one we decided to call it quits. But the truth is, I still held out hope...

Until I saw the messages to her one night affair a few hours later talking about how she had missed him so much and recalling all the details she had supposedly "forgot".

No turning back after that.


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## Corpuswife

Hmmmm...

While I was in the midst of crisis....it took along while. I fought the breakup and separation tooth and nail. I was getting mixed signals and thinking he would return. My friends told me "when someone loves you and wants to be with you...you know it. You don't have to guess or analyze it!" That was it.

After I disconnected after the divorce....and we moved on separately.


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## bravenewworld

When I discovered his infidelity, he was overseas. Instead of coming home, he ran around with other women. Only then did I fully accepted there was no hope for our marriage.


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## brokenbythis

Nsweet said:


> Exactly! After my divorce I learned to pay careful attention to the red flags you see first, and to use your dating experiences as interviews instead of "looking for love". Really, you just have to hold everyone to a high standard and not lower the bar because you're lonely, having a relationship out of convenience, or want it to work with that person.
> 
> Now if I see something that's odd I make a note of it, but if I see any red flags for things like cheating, drug use, pressure to commit before she get to know me, trying to Oops! men with pregnancy entrapment, abuse of her exes, and perpetual lies... I do not date that woman! I don't care how lovely she is I will not give any second chances to someone I feel I can't trust. And part of that means I want her to test me as much as I test her and not be looking to jump into a whirlwind romance with a stranger.


HELL YEAH. Red flags.. I just wrote a post about the red flags I saw when i was dating my ex, and if I knew now what I knew then I would have run like hell.

I sometimes (not very often) wonder what my ex is going to tell the next bimbo he hooks up with: " I cheated on my wife for years in EAs with other women, kept it secret, lied to her, then had a PA with a skank and got her pregnant while I was still married to my wife. I have 3 kids, one to my ex-wife and 2 to women I dated but didn't marry because I didn't think they would get pregnant (there's the OOPS  ) My mother and aunt are very mentally ill and also have personaility disorders, my family has a long history of addicition and divorce. My brother has been married 3 times and has 6 kids to 3 different women, only 2 of those kids came from a marriage". I am mentally ill and under the care of a pyschiatrist. I have been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality disorder, Pyschopathy and BiPolar Depression. Besides my marriage to my ex wife I have never had a relationship for longer than 3 months."

My story is very different I'm glad to say. Some desperate woman will ignore it all and get pregnant to him anyway, since he has no boundaries with people and would rather have unprotected sex with some skank than say NO I am using a condom so as to not have her refuse him sex. SICK.


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## terrence4159

when she keep telling me she didnt know what she wanted (for 2 months) woke up one morning filed for D and got a tattoo of a aknife sticking out of my back with her name in the handle (lol that ended her i dont know what i want talk)


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## Awakening2012

I think I knew in my head it was over a couple of months into the separation, when I noticed he had taken his wedding ring off. It gutted me that he did that without even discussing it, because it was my understanding R was not off the table at that point, that it remained an option. Now a year into this and on the verge of D, looking back, I think the "separation" was just an exit plan -- that he never had any intention of R or even remotely entertained it.

But as far as acceptance of losing my marriage, and letting go of my STBXH? Well, I am hoping the actual D (likely by the end of the month) will help with that....

Lord knows, the agony of the prolonged limbo has taken a toll on me.


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## jessy81

When i got sick & tired of his constant threats to me saying "my way or the highway", when i got tired of him abusing my love for him thinking that i was staying out of weakness not out of love, when i got sick of him showering everyone else with attention except me, when i got sick of constantly being bossed around, when i got tired of being mistreated, when i got tired of taking infertility meds cuz he has an infertility issue.....when i got sick of begging for sex....when i got sick of feeling ugly as he had always told me that i was "too fat to make love to"....ironically when i lost the weight, i didn't want him near me....when i tired of crying over how oppressed i was, when i started feeling totally numb towards him,......WHEN I JUST STOPPED CARING ABOUT HIM..........i have no regrets at all...........i spent 7 years married to him + 5 years of courtship enduring everything i can, twisting & adapting as much as i can , until i just couldn't do it anymore..........it's time i found someone who likes me for who i am, stops asking me to "change" & knows how to appreciate my love & DOES NOT ABUSE..........
Sure enough, he was crying like a baby at the divorce lawyer's office............i honestly looked it him & felt nothing, just really empty...........it was over about 2 years before the divorce date...........that's what happens when u take someone for granted & u push & abuse like there's no tomorrow............


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## WasDecimated

Well, my point of no return was not at after DD#1, DD#2, or even DD#3...as it should have been. 

It was after being in R (false R) for over a year, doing everything I possibly could to save what was left of our marriage, it became obvious that she was putting in almost no effort and our marriage was not a priority. I was trying to talk to her one day when she responded with "I still don't know what I want"…really? This made me realize that I had wasted over a year of my life staying with her while she was still ambivalent about us. Talk about wasted time and effort! The emotional and physical toll on me was too great to tolerate any more of her s**t. By this time my mind was beginning to clear of the BS fog and I started to see things more clearly. She was broken and I could not fix her. I knew I would never be able to forget what she did to me, us and our children. My perception of her was permanently changed...I had lost all respect for her. I could never be proud of her again because of the shame she brought on me and our kids...as well as her self. She was an embarrassment.

I now firmly believe that she was still in contact with her POSOM at that time but I understand he dumped her right before our divorce was final. 

I realized that this was my point of no return. I was sick of being lied to, disrespected, and used as a doormat. It was now clear to me that I needed to divorce her lying, cheating ass.


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## hope4family

Point of no return? 

UUGGGHHH. So many. 

The logical side though gave up after the first night of MC. 

#She said our marriage was all my fault. 
#Blamed me for not talking her out of it. 
#Said I bought and paid for her. 
#Manipulated her. 
#She Lied and changed the story to make it sound better. 
#Said she never loved me. 

Not much else a man can do really. A couple weeks later she moved in with a "guy friend" she just rekindled a relationship with and left me with with the child.


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## Overthemoon88

BetrayedNoMore said:


> I gave her one chance to make it or break it. Once the NC was broken, I was done.


Yup, that was me too ..... I realised I can TRY to get over DD1 but to find out that that NC was a sham ... That's it .....


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Threatening suicide vs. divorce, when threatening divorce has no effect (and not a matter of being suicidal, just a matter of being manipulative.)


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