# Those considering divorce need to go to "Life After Divorce Section"



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Man, is that some depressing conversation over there or what??!!! What a wake up CALL!!!! Maybe that's not a good representation of the divorced life....Thoughts?


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I try to stay away from there, because it makes my heart hurt for everyone there, and then, yeah, for myself. My divorce is inevitable and wasn't my choice at first. I say at first because I wouldn't take him back now if he begged me. But I don't see dating in my near future. I just spent 25 years - half my life - married to the same man. I can't even imagine dating right now, even though I see men here and there I find attractive.

The Social Spot is pleasant enough. I'll just try to start hanging out there for now.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Nomorebeans said:


> I try to stay away from there, because it makes my heart hurt for everyone there, and then, yeah, for myself. My divorce is inevitable and wasn't my choice at first. I say at first because I wouldn't take him back now if he begged me. But I don't see dating in my near future. I just spent 25 years - half my life - married to the same man. I can't even imagine dating right now, even though I see men here and there I find attractive.
> 
> The Social Spot is pleasant enough. I'll just try to start hanging out there for now.


Agree. This is my second time at this (same man) and I jumped into dating WAY too early the first time, 5 years ago. I have ZERO desire to do that now.

However, I will say, I've only been moved out for a week, but I'm sooooo much happier. I'm hopeful and happy. It helps that I have a great job and I'm financially secure. 

There are different kinds of stressors, but the emotional stress is mostly gone (except for co parenting stuff). Can't put a price tag on that.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> Man, is that some depressing conversation over there or what??!!! What a wake up CALL!!!! Maybe that's not a good representation of the divorced life....Thoughts?


I can't relate. Life during and after divorce was wonderful for me.

I would agree that the divorce process itself is too long and expensive but to me, it was very worth it.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

None of us got married expecting to end up divorced. You know the odds and hear statistics all the time and until things get bad, you never think they apply to you.

I wasn't all that thrilled about the idea of divorcing, but was less thrilled about staying with a cheater. It helps that my lifestyle didn't take a hit like most people experience. I'm not in a hurry to date, but if I wanted to I could.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

EnigmaGirl said:


> I can't relate. Life during and after divorce was wonderful for me.
> 
> I would agree that the divorce process itself is too long and expensive but to me, it was very worth it.


Agreed. I'm going on 5 months separated. I was the WAW. I'm sooooo glad I did it. I'm in a completely different, happier, hopeful place now. Divorce is not fun of course, and dating again can be a minefield. But I'm good being on my own. Best decision I've made!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

OP you need to be more specific.

What is it specifically that troubles you about that forum section as opposed to any of the other forums, or life's variety and diversity in particular?

It sounds as though you are posting out of fear vs. any particular weighing of the overall situation. 

Don't forget that negative information is processed and perceived by the human brain and emotional systems as 20 times more weighty than positive information. 

As an example, if someone calls you a bad name, you will need 20 compliments to make up for it.

The other thing is context. Maybe singles tend to disclose more negative information on a support board because they don't want to burden their family or friends with fleeting negativity as that's their IRL, and could affect the general positive ambiance afforded by those daily real life social contacts. A post stays around forever, whereas the emotion could actually be a fleeting vent or a bump in the road not worth of troubling one's friends or extended family over.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> and dating again can be a minefield.


lol, so true!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Divorce was one of the best things that ever happened to me. My first marriage was one of the worst. Dating was fun, exciting, and filled me with hope. Life since has been truly wonderful in ways I could not begin to imagine during my first marriage.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Note to self - post more in 'Life after Divorce' about how awesome it is not being married to a selfish lying narcissistic cheater anymore.

I get to cook the food I like without hearing endless complaints. I don't have to clean up someone else's mess all the time. I get to pick the car I like and it's never left in the driveway on E. I get to wear the clothes I like without snide remarks. I get to stay up as late as I want without being criticized. I get to watch what I want on TV and go to the movies I'm actually interested in. If money is tight, I know nobody's going to be racking up the credit cards until it's okay again. There's always hot water when I go to have a shower. No one is undermining my parenting behind my back. If I start a renovation, it gets finished without someone else getting in the way or changing designs partway through. I don't wake up in the middle of the night and wonder where the person who is supposed to be in bed with me is.

Sure, there are things I miss about being married, but really, I didn't have most of those even when I was married. I miss the dream of having them, I guess.

If your marriage is one-sided, if you do all the work and get no respect, if your spouse is dishonest, then you will be better off alone, no matter how much of a struggle it is.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I think I'm way too good looking to wind up in that forum "life after divorce"!!! Well hopefully ha!!!! They try and put a spin on some of it but it still will make you think for sure!! OLD I kept asking myself why they going for Old dudes til I got the that it was an acronym....yikes! Talk about prophetic


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> *I think I'm way too good looking to wind up in that forum "life after divorce"!!! *


I have no clue what you mean by this.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SARAHMCD said:


> Agreed. I'm going on 5 months separated. I was the WAW. I'm sooooo glad I did it. I'm in a completely different, happier, hopeful place now. Divorce is not fun of course, and dating again can be a minefield. But I'm good being on my own. Best decision I've made!


Not meaning to hijack the thread, but I don't know your story and I'm curious about why you were a WAW. (You can tell me if it's none of my business  )


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that the people who go to that forum are the ones who are having a hard time. People who are doing well after a divorce are not likely to post there.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Divorce was one of the best things that ever happened to me. My first marriage was one of the worst. Dating was fun, exciting, and filled me with hope. Life since has been truly wonderful in ways I could not begin to imagine during my first marriage.


I agree. I'm so glad I left my ex..... I'm much happier now. 

I think he's happier without me too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

"I think that the people who go to that forum are the ones who are having a hard time. People who are doing well after a divorce are not likely to post there." Bingo!!!!


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Dude007 said:
Original post 
I think I'm way too good looking to wind up in that forum "life after divorce"!!!
I have no clue what you mean by this.

See post number 14! Dude


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Dude007 said:
> Original post
> I think I'm way too good looking to wind up in that forum "life after divorce"!!!
> I have no clue what you mean by this.
> ...


But what does being good looking have to do with it?


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Almost everything


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Almost everything


Hm. Interesting.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm very happy divorced. The divorce process was difficult, because unraveling a very long marriage is not easy, but I'm glad I'm free and in control of my life. 

The threads in Life After Divorce don't represent all of us.


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## Liam83011 (Jul 1, 2015)

I am divorced, my wife...well walk away wife, ILYBINILWY speech. So it was a hard pill to swallow, however I didn't wallow and I am so much happier now, both being single and the struggle of dating. It's actually fun being able to openly flirt with a woman and not feel out of line, and since I am older now I have so much more confidence, my interactions are fun and less stressful. Who cares? I got divorced and found out I had cancer 4 weeks later. That didn't kill me so everything else is gravy. The world aint stopping for my pity anyway.


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