# Fantasy gone wrong or..?



## Mash (May 15, 2015)

I am married for 6 years and we used to enjoy sex every day. We have 2 kids now and we do not have sex for months some times. To help you understand my situation here are the problems.
1.	Whenever we have sex [once in month or so] she only gets orgasm when I masturbate her and talk dirty [me being with other woman and stuff like that]. 

2.	Whenever my fantasy involves one of her guy friends and her she gets really hot but whenever my fantasy involves one of her girlfriends and me she told me not to and became embracing when they come to visit
3.	We used to watch porn together and enjoy it together but she is not into porn anymore and I feel like crap when she catches me watching.
4.	She used to talk dirty back to me and it is always a huge turn on but now I talk about her fantasies and she orgasms and I ‘ll be on top trying to finish while fantasizing in mind about what gets me off.
5.	I am worried that she is no longer satisfied by sex by penetration and I am really tired of creating her kind of fantasy stories every time I think of making love to her.
I dearly love my wife but this is affecting our daily life and I wanna watch porn with my wife again and make love to her like I used to. 
I appreciate any suggestions


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I would be pissed if my wife was fantasizing about someone else. Are you not good enough for her? Is she not good enough for you? Maybe the both of you should quit watching porn and concetrate on each other. There is way more to marriage than sex. Work on being one and good sex will follow in most cases. Hope everything works out for yall.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

When we try to introduce novel things to "spice up" sex...it works wonders at the get-go, but like all novel things, they lose their potency after some time. 

It's like a pop song, when you first hear it, you love it and go wild every time it gets played, but soon it gets old and you do not care if you ever hear it again.

If you are a classical music person...you can enjoy the music time after time...as the feeling is more penetrative, intimate, and atmospheric as opposed to endorphine-blasting hooks. The hooks in pop music are fun, but you have to constantly be on the search for the next best thing. It is an addictive property.

Beware of the addictive properties in your sexual relationship, such as introducing the fantasy of sex with partners that you actually know. I am not saying that fun is not allowed, but if you have to keep raising the bar to keep each other interested, then you may be tempted to take things to a level that may cause damage. 

I would suggest transitioning to where you, as a couple, can find your "classical music"...where sex can be intimate and enduring...not quite so reliant on novelty and having to take it up a notch. That may not sound so exciting compared to the levels you have taken it before, but what options do you have? Taking it outside the marriage or growing discontent with each other's performance should not be the fruit of a healthy sexual relationship.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

She may have been faking before if she climaxed from penetration. Few women do.

I wonder why she gets off with you talking about being with other women....??


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Stop the porn. You have to fantasize to finish while having sex with your wife? That's a bad sign. Porn has changed your brain and you need to stop watching it.

Try the book "Passionate Marriage" for some alternative ideas.


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

Mash said:


> 1.	Whenever we have sex [once in month or so] she only gets orgasm when I masturbate her and talk dirty [me being with other woman and stuff like that].
> 
> 2.	*Whenever my fantasy involves one of her guy friends and her she gets really hot but whenever my fantasy involves one of her girlfriends and me she told me not to and became embracing when they come to visit*


There is your problem.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Based on your subject line with that "or ?" at the end, I would say you are trying to start a cuckold thread for kicks and giggles. While a few folks here do not judge open marriages, the majority will kick you in the Jimmy if this is what you are trying to do.

Now if you want a quick tip to kickstart an active sex life with your wife again, try doing the laundry or hiring a maid.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Sounds like she has disconnected as the fantasy involving her friends are yours and not hers, try starting from scratch proper date nights and take it from there and listen to what she is saying


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Mash said:


> I appreciate any suggestions


Ask your wife. 

If she won't answer that's an honesty issue. 

If she can't answer because she doesn't know, that's a comprehension or self awareness or lack of critical thinking skills issue. 

If she can't answer because she does not want to hurt your feelings, that is a trust and respect issue for how you are able to and will take the news.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

SecondTime'Round said:


> She may have been faking before if she climaxed from penetration. Few women do.
> 
> I wonder why she gets off with you talking about being with other women....??


I've found the latter to be quite common.


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