# Wife Gave Up - Does This Happen Alot?



## wxman3441 (Aug 30, 2012)

So here's my story. Hope you all can read it in full and offer suggesstions, comments, advice etc.

My soon to be ex wife and I met through a dating website about 4 years ago in the upper midwest after I had moved there for a job (I grew up along the US East Coast). We began dating exclusively that summer and got engaged almost 2 years thereafter. I accepted what I thought was a dream job in Bermuda in December of 2010. My ex was happy for me and the opportunity but was a bit skeptical only because the job offer came at a time where we were to prepare for the wedding the following May. She decided to stay back in the states to prepare for the wedding while I began work in Bermuda. Other than taking a trip with friends in February of 2011, we didnt see each other until the wedding which was in May of 2011. We got married and she followed me back to Bermuda after the wedding.

Needless to say, our first several months of marriage in Bermuda was a mess. This was due to the fact that due to strict Immigration laws, she had toruble securing employment. I was not earning enough money to support both of us so she had to chip in with things like groceries and had to use her credit card to pay since she had no income coming in. She got a job after a few months but was soon fired due to an overdemanding boss. We decided to cut our losses and leave Bermuda shortly thereafter. She left in February of 2012 and I stayed there to finish my employment before leaving in March of 2012.

When I returned to the US back to her hometown in the midwest, everything changed. She was suddenly very distant toward me. Suddenly, she would go out to what she claimed to be to pick up her drunk friends from the bar but would be out from about 12 to 3 in the morning. She seemed to avoid me at all costs. Our sex life begin to dwindle while in Bermuda but became non existent when I got back to the states. My birthday passed in May and she made no attempt to spend time with me. Ironically we blew up into a big fight on the eve of our one year anniversary. She apprently was holding in everything that bugged her about me. I was selfish for making her go to Bermuda (which I never forced her to go), I was selfish for buying a new car shortly after retuning to the US even though I didnt have one. It was all my fault hr credit card bills became high. She claimed that our sex life sucked and I was becoming a negative person who only thought of myself. She claimed she needed time alone and to think. Days became weeks and we were simply living as roomates. I occasioanlly made attmepts to sit and talk to her and suggest counseling but she wanted no part of it. 

After another week passed, I had had enough. I packed all of my belongings and retuned back home to family in NJ. She told me she would call me in a few days after she thought even more. At this point I had assumed that she wanted a divorce but I still held out some hope. After getting home, two whole weeks passed before she made contact. Her mother called me in-between and took my side saying my ex was nuts for letting me go this way. She finally texted me asking how we should go about the divorce. That was her way of dropping the bomb I guess. 

I have gotten the support of family and friends through this time. My friends who had met her a few times wanted really bad to speak up and beg me not to marry her. They saw something in her upon a few meetings that I never did. 

I am not about to place all of the blame on her as I know I am not always the easiest person to live with. But I am trying not to dwell on things and blame myself. I was more than willing to do whatever it took to fix things but she just gave up and claimed to fall out of love with me.

She began the filing of the papers over a month ago. She has been slow to make progress with it. She occasioanlly will send me a random text, usually complaining about her money situation but in one text session essentially admitted she was dumb for giving up on the marriage so easily.

I have since moved on and taken a new job in Canada and things are going well. I am casually seeing two people (they know I am not looking for anything serious). I have accpeted my soon to be divorce and am moving on. I just never really asked for the opinions of others who may have experienced a similar situation. Was she right to give up? Does something like this happen a lot? Don't marriage vows mean anything anymore? Also, is there a chance the state would not grant a divorce in this type of situation? We are not geting lawyers involved and filing a no fault divorce since she did not want to have a joint back account or anything with both our names on it.


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## wxman3441 (Aug 30, 2012)

I should point out that I am 35 and she is 26.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Im sorry you are going through this. My husband gave up easily too after 22 years together. It sounds like maybe with her age she is not being mature enough to handle the situation as well as the difficulties in marriage and life that arise.. What is is that you want at this point? If you are seeking or hoping to reconcile, my advice is to stop the dating. They will only confuse the issue no matter how casual it may be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

What do you want? 

I don't see a way you are going to make this work. You've moved out of state and taken another job in another country. Seems that there are competing interests. I would recommend finishing the divorce and putting this behind you. Many people are in a passionate love when they first meet, but that can dwindle over time. It usually starts to fade after 2 years, which is around the time you went to Bermuda. I'd be curious as to why you made that move. It appears that when things aren't going great for you, you tend to flee seeking a new adventure. Many people can't make a long distance relationship work. We as humans like immediate gratification instead of a deferred reward. Perhaps the distance and the length of the engagement was enough to make you both not want to try. 

Things worked out the way that they did for a reason. I hope this helps.

GearHead


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

wxman3441 said:


> I should point out that I am 35 and she is 26.


What was her childhood like?


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## Dewy (Aug 29, 2012)

you did not say if she has another BF now? just move on


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## wxman3441 (Aug 30, 2012)

I should point out that I am not trying to get her back. I was just wondering if this type of story has happened to other people. I have no real desire to work it out with her.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Happens more often than you'd think.

In your case, it would be hard to believe your wife didn't replace you (at least temporarily). Her actions reek of an affair (or multiple ones).


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## forumman83 (Aug 12, 2012)

yes this does happen often. it sounds like you need to start doing some personal work. i highly reccomend David Deida's "The Way of the Superior Man" as a start.


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