# My husband had an affair...tell me what to expect



## janila (Dec 10, 2010)

In a nutshell.....I noticed that my husband's behavior started to change in the last couple of months of my pregnancy with our fourth child. This was to be my last pregnancy and I cherished it and I feel like he totally ruined it....in the evening of my due date (a Saturday) my husband and I fought over a haircut I had given him, and he waited for me to fall asleep and left the house. He did not come home till Sunday night and acted like nothing happened. We got into a big fight and I told him I didn't want him at the birth of my son...because he had been acting so unlike himself lately and I felt like he didn't care about us. My parents were called over and convinced me to reconcile with him and allow him at the birth. I agreed and we had make up sex. A few days later I went into Labor.

We had made arrangements for my other children to be watched during mine and what I thought was also his stay.. in the hospital. On both nights after the delivery of my son...my hubby left me and claimed to want to go home and get some rest because the lounge chair in the hospital room was too uncomfortable for him. I was deeply hurt by this as I was used to him staying with me and helping out through the night. I called my mom each time and told her that I was worried about him and she told me that everything was fine and not to worry. 

During my stent at the hospital, I had two surgeries...a mini laparotomy (tubal ligation) and a vaginal surgery that secured my vagina walls back to my pelvic floor I also was told I had endometriosis and a prolapse bladder. Also, during my labor... I had three epidural procedures done on me and none of them worked. I basically had my 8lb son naturally (that was a painful first). My doctor told us that it would take me 8-12 weeks to recover. I was in alot of pain and couldn't believe my loving husband would have left me each night.

The first week home I noticed my hubby wouldn't really pay any attention to the baby who looked exactly like our other children (so no doubts). I was intimate with him by giving him a couple of BJ's and at the end of this first week, on Thursday, he stated he had to attend a class per his job in Atlanta and would be home on Sunday. I didn't hear from him the whole weekend and on Sunday evening at 11:00pm he finally comes home. He again acts as if nothing has happened and I just flipped out on him. I told him to tell me what the hell was going on or he could leave and go back where he came from. He packed up his stuff and left me (sick and all)! 

I could barely even walk when he left and was doped up on percocets. My parents had to check in on me and the kids everyday. During this time I looked in my hubby's personal bank account (which I had access to per hubby) and saw that he was receiving $600 for the last two months from an unknown source. I took the $600 and placed it in my joint account and from there into my personal account, because I still had bills to pay at our home and am a stay at home mom. 

When hubby found out he called and left a nasty message then he contacted the bank and told them that he had not given me access to his account and started a fraud charge against me. He even went to the police station to file a report. The money was frozen and given back to him, and they automatically closed all of my accounts. My hubby was still in communication with my parents, but I changed the locks on the door and refused any communication. He told my parents that the money was from his male boss to pay for some tickets he had gotten and that he had to pay him back for it. He also told them the reasons why he left me and our children was because of my mouth and because of my son's behavior (he suffers from ADHD).

Anyhow after two weeks of being gone and many ignored phone calls...Hubby contacted my family and told them he was sorry for what happened and wanted to see if we could work it out. He begged them to get me to speak with him and so I did.
I told him he must tell me everything and answer all of my questions. He agreed.

He basically told me that he had met a woman and had been having a PA with her for the past two months. In fact he had just left her home and told her he was coming to speak with me. He profusely apologized and told me that he had broken things off with her and was going to live with my parents until I decided if I wanted to work things out or not. I made him call her in front of me and break it off again. Then we deleted her number from the contacts and the log of his phone.

I asked him awful questions and it was very hard for him to answer and he would try to soften the blow...but I demanded to know the truth. He said that he screwed his lover mostly during work hours. He is a cable technician and she was a customer who kept calling him back to her home..that is how the affair began. This is also the way in which we met and married and secretly I always feared that this sort of thing might happen. He told me that on my due date he did leave and go to his lover. He stated that he in fact left me at the hospital after watching the birth of our son to go and screw his lover and show her a pic of our new baby....and he would show back up at the hospital the next morning with food for me. He stated that the week after the birth he continued to have sex with his lover and have sexual contact with me and couldn't face me or the new baby. He said he did really have a class but left me for good to be with his lover when he returned and I questioned him because he couldn't admit the affair.

So for various reasons I have decided to try and work it out with him. We have been married for five years. We have a beautiful family and my children wanted him home. I feel so messed up tho. I love him and don't...I want him home and don't...I am sad, lonely, hurt, frustrated, un-trusting and broken-hearted. It's been a month now, since I found out and my hubby still does not have a key to our home, his stuff is still at moms..but he mostly spends every night with me. He constantly tells me he is sorry and just made a mistake. That I am the only one for him. That he missed me and my mouth and that he lovers our son. He said the OW didn't hold a candle to me...He was with her because she made him feel good and she was nice and not a nagg and he could actually satisfy her sexually or at least he thought. Since then I have curbed my nagging and examined my part in his affair. We have spoken plenty of times about the affair and abandonment and I have finally decided to stop asking questions so that I can begin to heal.

In the meantime...I have been intimate with him and it is totally different we are really enjoying ourselves and I am most appreciative. However....when I am not making love to him(and sometimes when i am intimate with him)....I am constantly reminded of all that has happened. He has given me all of his passwords and He has quit his job and is trying to live a transparent life he has also recommitted his life to God and we are being re-baptized this weekend. With all this being said...I still feel all messed up inside...still unsure if I have made the right decision. I don't trust him as far as I can see him. I am still so deeply hurt and broken. What should I do? What happens now? Does this ever get better...Can it really work. Sometimes I feel like just starting over with someone new....sometimes I feel like I should get even with him....but I know that this won't help. Please leave me some advice and sorry......so long....and I tried to use paragraphs!


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

A great faith based video on getting through infidelity and to watch together is Fireproof w/ Kirk Cameron in the lead role.
Sorry to hear of your struggles.


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