# Heart broken but still blind in love



## BlindInLuv (Jul 1, 2010)

i don't know how to begin this.. 
Let's start from the beginning.. I married my bf almost 2 yrs back(Feb 2008).. he always showed that he loved me and cares for me the most..
I was blind in love.. then reality sets in after marriage.. first year of our marriage was full of fights the 'love extinguishers'.. and all because of family adjustment issues.. cause i was not prepared to live with the joint family.. my MIL, BIL, 2 cousins and my SIL (married) used to visit us 2 often.. i always felt rejected as i was not getting his attention and also he never planned any weekends with me.. etc.. on top of that we spent very little time together because of our odd shift timings.. the one day i decided to start our family.. thinking that things will start to improve.. (as per my Indian mentality).. 
i delivered my son in Nov 2010.. i was happy with the things falling into right places.. then suddenly one storm destroyed all my happiness. and the reason to approach to this forum..
I found out my H is having an EA....
i had words with the OW also .. she says she loves him and wants to marry him.. and on the other hand she advices me 'why do u do such things that your husband seeks another person..?'.. my H blames everything on me.. and tells me .. you should think over this that why this all happened?..
I assured him and took all blame.. also asked him to work on the marriage... I told him that i want to stand by his side and don't want to spoil my relationship because of this stupid thing.. we can still be together.. now he ignores me and shouts at me.. without any reason.. i still believe that he would acknowledge my efforts and work on our marriage.. 
today is his birthday.. i wished him at zero hour and to my surprise he talked very nicely.. and said he will come home early and then we will talk.. i said ok i'll wait for you.. but he didn't turn up.. till 3am.. i called him.. his ph was ringing then eventually he switched off his phone..
my MIL is knows all this but is not helping in any respect.. 
please suggest what should I do..


----------



## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

Just wait patiently

I think you are having a 'surge' of feelings. Let some time pass and you will be able to see things clearly.
You said he did not come home? Is he living elsewhere(sorry.. if i did not read your post correctly)?


----------



## BlindInLuv (Jul 1, 2010)

we are living together.. he was in office that time when i called him to wish.. i was expecting him to come home early so that i could wish him and make things special for him.
But to my surprise he didn't come home . neither he informed me .. where he was or he won't be coming.. In past 4 years this was his first Birthday. when we didn't spend even a single second together...
today when he came home .. i wished him .. but he was so irritated of me .. i don't understand why he has bottled up his feelings..
his affair with the other woman is withdrawing him from me...
i'm trying my level best to win him back.. 
but he thinks that i'm doing all this because now some one else has come into his life.. otherwise you would have been stil fighting with me.
he is not acknowledging my efforts.. despite he gets angry over me..
i luv him and dnt want to loose him..
please help.. what best can i do..


----------



## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

ok, I get the point now. 
You may not like what I'm going to say.
I would say stop to try to gain his attention/interest. Does he come home daily? If yes, then try to show him that you can live your own life too. Why do you want to just go after him? Is this really your love or are you just attached with social stigma or a helpless situation?
If you really love him then just let him be as he is,he should realize in some time. This is a case of an affair and we have so many issues on this forum about this. Its hard to deal with it but do not get caught in emotions.

I shall write back to you soon. Let us know of the developments.


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

It sounds like more than an emotional affair to me. Whatever type of affair it is, you cannot win him back the way you are acting. He has no respect for you this way. This is the time to stand up for yourself. You have to tell him to stop all contact with the other woman. If he refuses, then tell him to leave. If he refuses to leave, then you leave. Stop crying and being his puppy dog and doormat. This will not make him want you. Your only hope is if he is able to have some respect for you. The only way for him to respect you is for you to respect yourself. Stop letting him walk over you and grow some backbone. Make some demands or make him get out. Have his bags packed and on the porch when he gets home next time.


----------



## BlindInLuv (Jul 1, 2010)

@luvMydarling.. i got ur point i know i can't win him by chasing.. but i dnt kn i'm addicted to him to an extend that i feel the need to talk to him.. when he is not around..
ya he come home daily.. but doesn't talk to me.. even for food he ask MIL.. well the social stigma is there.. but i kn my decision was not wrong .. i luv him and i want to stand by his side.. in any situation..
I'm also working and not depended on him.. i can lead my own life.. even if we get separated. but that is the last thing I want.. I want to save my relationship from getting damaged to an irreparable condition.. 

@Susan.. I understrand ur point.. he is ready to leave me.. but I think of my son also.. y is he devoid of father's luv.. 
wi post sooon.. the rest ..


----------



## BlindInLuv (Jul 1, 2010)

@Susan.. I luv him and he knows this very well. i always told him that to never take advantage of my weakness.. he knows that I'm not going to leave him.. that's why he is doing what he wants to do.. I asked him to leave the other woman .. but what i hear in return is "Don't interfere into my life.. ".. i stayed at my parents place for more that 2 months.. but nothing changed.. whenever i asked him.. u have to choose between me or the other woman.. he says the day I'll decide I'll let u kn.. he has bottled up his feelings.. the same time when I was at my parents place i told him that I'm there for you in any situation .. he said its very obvious with the current situation.. so i decided to return back my our home.. we are currently living 2gether.. I'm trying to not interfere in his affairs.. but when I'm not able to control my emotions.. i bug him up with my questions.. if they are unanswered that leaves me miserable and in more weird condition.. i want to control my drunken dialing habit.. when he is not around and doesn't pick my phone.. the only thought that crosses my mind is that 'they r together?'.. i dnt want to react this way but can't help it.. I just luv him and dnt want to share him with any one.. I told him that i dnt like anyone coming between up.. anyone means anyone.. 
Please help i want to help this more maturely..


----------



## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

BlindInLuv,
You wrote about living in a joint family. Is that still a case? As I understand the concept of a joint family it means that in effect you live in your husband's house, sharing it with his parents, sisters, brothers and their spouses etc. So in case of a splitup, you would have to move out?

Especially since even though your MIL knows about the situation, she doesn't react in any way? In India, usually mother's word is gospel, so I guess, at least in this situation, it would be helpful if she interfered. But she doesn't. I am assuming yours is a love marriage? Have you ever felt MIL disapproves of the marriage?

Do your parents know about the situation? I am not really sure whether in India it would be OK for your parents to meet up with his parents and discuss it?


----------



## BlindInLuv (Jul 1, 2010)

reachingshore,
ya ours is kind of joint family.. initially i was not ready for that.. but now I enjoy their company... My MIL is very down to earth person.. she is very helpful and adjusting.. my BIL and 2 cousins are also living with us.. they are also nice.. i had adjustment issues in the beginning but now its all fine.. i feel blessed to have them as in the current situation.. when my Husband doesn't talk to me. at least there is someone I can talk to.. there are people around me.. i'm not alone.. 

My MIL doesn't say anything to my husband thinking that he would feel now everyone is against me.. I understand her point also.. but at the same time i feel she has given a lot of freedom to all the children.. She never disapproved of our marriage.. infact she is the one who asked me to come back home.. saying that I should stay at my home.. also said to me that for us u are his wife.. and we dnt know anyone else.. (pointing the other woman).. she even said that let him say anything.. and let him do anything.. we can not let him do all he wants.. so i returned back home. 

I already told my parents about this.. but they asked me to keep patience.. they dnt want to talk to him abt this matter as they say.. give him time.. if we talk to him then he would loose that comfort level with us.. this is not the right time to approach him.. also let him do wat he is doing.. he can't leave u like that.. 
everyone says sumthing or the other.. but my heart aches.. I luv him and he is betraying me.. i can't bear this.. 
I'll keep u updated... on more...


----------

