# only quickie sex my wife says it hurts



## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

hi there,
I am new on here, 
my wife says I cannot touch her vagina as it sometimes hurts, we have had 2 children one is 17 and the other is 6, I can fully understand that things might not be quite the same down there after having our children, when we do it she wont let me touch her there and tells me it hurts sometimes and cant we just do it! I have suggested lubricants but she is not interested, i just want a bit of fun with my wife and it not to like its a chore, I am a gentle person who loves my wife in every way and i am struggling to want to do it as it doesn't feel like fun and i feel rejected,

probie


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Tell her that you expect your marraige to be sexual and if her vagina hurts you expect her to make a doctor's appointment to start figuring it out.


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

hi,
my wife had an episiotomy when we had our youngest and had to have some treatment and that got better, i understand that it could still sometimes be a little uncomfortable, but that was 6 years ago, 
that is also why i suggest lubricants but she refuses, she used to say it hurt for about 6 months after our youngest but she said it was ok after that, she also says it sometimes hurts a little when we do have sex but not very often, if i go to touch her there she knock my hand away, 
probie


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lubricant may not be the issue here. Your wife needs to see a doctor. Painful intercourse CAN be a warning sign of a few things that need to be ruled out...by a doctor.

If she has been experiencing painful intercourse for a while, of course it is something she would wish to avoid! Unfortunately many women are too embarrassed to talk to their GYN's about sex....which is the fault of the GYN who should be asking about sex or sexual problems as part of the check up!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

If she's insisting on quickies, she might not be getting fully aroused which may be aggravating the issue.

Does any contact hurt? Oral for instance? Or just PiV?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is she afraid of getting pregnant again? Was the 6 year old child a surprise? 

She needs to see a doctor. There are issues that could be causing pain and those need to be diagnosed and treated if something exists. If it does not then you and she probably need to get into Marriage Counseling.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

A view point from an LD wife. If I was not in the right frame of mind, I knew arousal was not going to be possible. In those situations any touching of the genital area with or without lubricant was really uncomfortable. I would work on getting H aroused so it would be over more quickly to avoid the pain. Could this be what she is doing?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

What does she think causes the discomfort? Does she think it's connected to the episiotomy?

1. Your wife needs to be more forthcoming about what into is she feels, where she feels it and what seems to cause it.

2. You need to understand that engaging in an a to its that is sometimes painful is not likely to be positively anticipated but faced with dread. 

3. Sex begins in the mind and fore pay begins 12-24 hours in advance. Like Giro said, if your wife isn't aroused before sex begins than that's on you to touch her in the right ways, in the right order to get her aroused. Sex is not "roll over, kiss, touch boobs, touch kitty, insert penis.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

OK this is how I understand what Probie is telling us. Wife prefers quick sex. Wife wants him to skip foreplay and "just do it!" Intercourse sometimes is painful, but his hands always cause pain, or some discomfort that she expresses as pain. She rejects the use of lubricants. 

Probie is feeling less connected and missing the connection he wants with that part of her. 

Based on only my own experience, I'm reluctant to admit, Make sure your hands are freshly washed and your nails are short and smooth. You teed a salon board to get the smooth enough.

She also may have some trauma left over from the botched episiotomy. 6 months is a long healing process and she may just not be comfortable with anyone down there.
MN


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Either she needs to see a doctor, or you both need to see a marriage counselor if there isn't a physical cause.


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## tonygunner007 (Apr 24, 2015)

Lila said:


> Does it hurt her to have actual intercourse?
> 
> Has this always been the case with her? When did she start complaining about the pain?
> 
> Has she seen a doctor about it?


Well, that's what I'd ask. If she's not willing to do that, then IMHO something else is up.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> OK this is how I understand what Probie is telling us. Wife prefers quick sex. Wife wants him to skip foreplay and "just do it!" Intercourse sometimes is painful, but his hands always cause pain, or some discomfort that she expresses as pain. She rejects the use of lubricants.
> 
> Probie is feeling less connected and missing the connection he wants with that part of her.
> 
> ...



Brilliant! Well put, good insight!


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

hi all, 
my wife was told she had some scar tissue after the episiotomy but refused to have it corrected, all she would accept is to apply a cream to help it heal, we didn't have sex for over 6 months while she was healing, she will not go to see the gyno as she says he will just tell her to have the corrective surgery, she says she isn't really into much foreplay! as for her getting pregnant again that's impossible as I have had the snip, she gets aroused ok with me playing with her breasts, she also doesn't really like me doing oral either,


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

pjprobie said:


> hi all,
> my wife was told she had some scar tissue after the episiotomy but refused to have it corrected, all she would accept is to apply a cream to help it heal, we didn't have sex for over 6 months while she was healing, she will not go to see the gyno as she says he will just tell her to have the corrective surgery, she says she isn't really into much foreplay! as for her getting pregnant again that's impossible as I have had the snip, she gets aroused ok with me playing with her breasts, she also doesn't really like me doing oral either,


It sounds like your wife doesn't like her lady parts very much.

A simple episiotomy shouldn't have left this kind of trauma. Are you certain it was just an episiotomy and not a tear on top of that?

Did she see what her poor lady parts looked like after the baby was born? Because that can scare the crap out of a woman until it's all healed up.

Scar tissue doesn't stretch and if her body built up too much scar tissue this would not be conducive to having good sex. Pulling scar tissue hurts!

Talk with her about her fears with regard to seeing the doctor and thinking about having the procedure done.

I'm facing a procedure that was recommended a few years ago and at the time I said no way! I've recently consented because not having it done will be more painful than having it done. Your wife needs to feel safe in talking about her fears, and what hurts. 

How well would you say you listen?


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

hi,
there was no tear, she went to the gyno and as she refused the corrective procedure she was given a steroid cream to help the healing procedure and after 6 months she said it was almost back to normal, she said she wont do sex from behind and I have never tried to since, I have tried many times to talk about how she feels and how uncomfortable it is but when I do she says I am blowing it out of proportion, she still refuses to see a gyno and is quite happy to have a quickie about once a month!
unfortunately i am struggling to get into it when she is up for it as I don't know where I can touch and what I can do so I think whats the fun in that!
I am so frustrated as I love my wife dearly but she doesn't see the problem at all,


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

pjprobie said:


> hi,
> there was no tear, she went to the gyno and as she refused the corrective procedure she was given a steroid cream to help the healing procedure and after 6 months she said it was almost back to normal, she said she wont do sex from behind and I have never tried to since, I have tried many times to talk about how she feels and how uncomfortable it is but when I do she says I am blowing it out of proportion, she still refuses to see a gyno and is quite happy to have a quickie about once a month!
> unfortunately i am struggling to get into it when she is up for it as I don't know where I can touch and what I can do so I think whats the fun in that!
> I am so frustrated as I love my wife dearly but she doesn't see the problem at all,


Has she gained much weight since pre-baby #2? Women who refuse some sex positions, particularly the doggy style which is a position a LOT of women find the most conducive to orgasms, usually have some sort of body image issue. Does she talk about hating her butt? Does she think her butt is too big or has too much cellulite?

It's nearly impossible for this thread to diagnose what's going on with your wife. That is what you need to discover so this thread might best help you by giving you some tools to draw her out so she can confide in you about what's going on with her.

Why does she refuse the scar tissue removal procedure?

Have you talked to her about how you feel when she refuses forplay? Are you able to articulate how you feel so that she understands?

Some of the comments that men have made about this:

When she denies sex all the time I feel like she doesn't love me at all.

When she rejects sex I feel personally rejected and it hurts. I feel unloved, dismissed and used.

When she refuses to talk to me I feel frustrated. I want to understand what she wants and needs from me but she won't talk to me.

When she refuses to allow touching around her clitoris and vagina, I feel cut off. I want to make her feel good and I also want to feel good. I feel loved when she opens her body and embraces the good feelings I can give her, when she closes parts of herself off from intimate touch, I feel like she has closed herself off to me, rejected and hurt.

When we have sex, I feel loved by her, I feel connected to her. It's more than just a biological urge, although that is part of it. Just like people need affection, people also need sex as an intimate part of affection and love. Some people need a lot of affection and others don't. Some people need a lot of sex and others don't. When we can't talk about what we each need we can't come to a compromise through understanding.

Probie, you're going to have to keep talking and keep listening. Express your feelings and listen to hers.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

pjprobie said:


> hi,
> there was no tear, she went to the gyno and as she refused the corrective procedure she was given a steroid cream to help the healing procedure and after 6 months she said it was almost back to normal, she said she wont do sex from behind and I have never tried to since, I have tried many times to talk about how she feels and how uncomfortable it is but when I do she says I am blowing it out of proportion, she still refuses to see a gyno and is quite happy to have a quickie about once a month!
> unfortunately i am struggling to get into it when she is up for it as I don't know where I can touch and what I can do so I think whats the fun in that!
> I am so frustrated as I love my wife dearly but she doesn't see the problem at all,


Can you have a talk with her again, not in the bedroom or anytime near when having/wanting sex, and talk about going to the gyno, offering to go with her as well? 

I would mention that you love her dearly and want to make sure she is healthy, that everything has healed correctly so as to make sure she doesn't have any negative health issues down the road. I would not bring up sex, but just talk about her health and wanting her to get a check up. I would wait to bring up the sex issue and just focus on her health for now.


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

Hi anon pink and anonymous7, you make some very good points, 
I will keep trying to talk and help the situation, 
Unfortunately i don't see the situation changing as she definitely won't get the procedure done, she has no butt issues and she has a very good slim figure that i adore, she is still quite shy with other people but certainly not with me, she is quite scared of needles so that is part of the reason not to have the procedure, if i said do you want to try for another child (it can't happen as i have had the snip) she would have a different attitude to sex! Last time we nearly had sex as she wanted to i wenf to have a bit of a play and she told me NO and that i could only have a bit of a play with her boobs! I did get frustrated and said whats the point and we didn't do anything then! 
I am so fed up and frustrated.
Thanks for all your input and maybd something will work asap.


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Sounds like her hymen needs to be stretched and lubricated before sex. Less frequent sex leeds her hymen getting tight just like a virgin. You can try giving a "yoni massage" that requires lubricate. 

We live in culture that teaches women to say no to sex. Most women appears to be slow learners when it comes to sex and have premarital sex before marriage. After marriage they learn! Some faster then others. Its starts out slowly at first sounds like this "no" but eventually ends up sounding like this "NO"!!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

pjprobie said:


> Hi anon pink and anonymous7, you make some very good points,
> I will keep trying to talk and help the situation,
> Unfortunately i don't see the situation changing as she definitely won't get the procedure done, she has no butt issues and she has a very good slim figure that i adore, she is still quite shy with other people but certainly not with me, she is quite scared of needles so that is part of the reason not to have the procedure, if i said do you want to try for another child (it can't happen as i have had the snip) she would have a different attitude to sex! Last time we nearly had sex as she wanted to i wenf to have a bit of a play and she told me NO and that i could only have a bit of a play with her boobs! I did get frustrated and said whats the point and we didn't do anything then!
> I am so fed up and frustrated.
> Thanks for all your input and maybd something will work asap.



Wait, she hates needles and that's why she won't get the scar removal done? Serious? 

Now you say that you think she'd be happy to have sex if it meant getting another baby? 

You know, this isn't making much sense.:scratchhead: 

You're going to have to put your foot down and gently but firmly insist she have the scar tissue removed so you two can have painless sex. She is essentially asking you do go without sex so that she doesn't have to face a scary needle to numb her perineum. That's ridiculous!

Also, are you sure she isn't pushing you away from touching her vuvla, clit and vagina because she wants you to spend more time on her boobs before you head south? Some women don't like to be rushed and being touched in some places before they're ready does not feel good at all.


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

hi anon pink,
I am being serious and I agree it is ridiculous, she is scared of needles and she won't have the procedure done as she says the gyno cannot guarantee that it would be much better after,
as for playing with her boobs I would love to play with them more but she doesn't want me to play with them to much either! if I put my hand on them in the night my hand gets moved again,
I wished I could make sense of any of it myself!

pete


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

hi melvynman
I have asked and asked about using lubricants but that is also a no go, I have also said she should go back and ask for more steroid cream but her answer was the cream wouldn't make any difference!
I also get told that we don't need to have sex for me to know that she loves me, 
good sex occasionally would be great but all I get is a crap quickie occasionally!

pete


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Pete, you're going to have to face something very unpalatable. Your wife doesn't like to have sex with you. Maybe she doesn't like sex, maybe she has lost attraction to you, hard to tell. But from all the circular excuse making going on nothing makes sense which leads me to believe none of these excuses are the real truth.

The real truth is, she just doesn't want to have sex.

Now go find out why she doesn't want to have sex and do NOT settle for these flimsy dumb excuses. A woman who loved her husband and wanted sex with him would make it happen. A woman who loved sex even if it she wasn't too into her husband would make sex happen.

Your wife isn't into sex, why not?

You wife isn't into you? Why not? Have you gained weight? Have you become passive? Have you stopped paying attention to her? Have you stopped courting or dating her? Do you only give her affection when you want sex? Do you know what her love languages are? Do you know what you're are?

Go here http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forms/enq.pdf. And print out 2. One for you and the other for your wife. Fill them out in as detailed a way as possible and then come together and go over what you each answered. You want the truth from her so make sure she understands not to hide her feelings even if they will hurt yours. You can't fix what you don't know is broken.


Go here Home | The 5 Love Languages® | Improving Millions of Relationships… One Language at a Time. and get the book. Read it together with your wife.

Your marriage is in near crises. Start treating these symptoms of distance and disconnect as the dire signs that they are. Left untreated, these symptoms will be the death of your marriage.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Any history of CSA?


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

hi anon pink & anonmd,
i do pay a lot of attention to my wife, i buy her flowers most weeks and cook us nice romantic dinners amongst other things, 
i am a fit 6 foot 2 and weigh about 190lb with a 34 inch waist, I think you are a degree right anon pink but I think my wife is just not that interested in sex full stop, I would say she is more than happy to cuddle and feel safe but I am interested in sex, I am not saying I want it all the time but occasionally good sex would be great rather than "go on then but get it over with".
i will certainly have a good read of the links you have provided,
There is no history of csa, 
i do get the comment sometimes of, i have provided you with 2 beautiful children, i agree but i had something to do with it as well.
many thanks for everyones input,

pete


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Good I don't like dentists so my wife will just have to settle with kissing me without teeth. It's my body!

Really it has nothing to do with needles, Probies wife retired from sex after he got the "snip".


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Bugged said:


> it's not ridiculous, it's her body, she does what she wants with it, for God's sake.


to deny intimacy to your spouse for no good reasons other than
'its her body' is not conducive to a good marriage and will lead to divorce or endless resentment.


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

Mr nail, when you put it like this (Really it has nothing to do with needles, Probies wife retired from sex after he got the "snip". it sounds absolutely ridiculous that i am not saying more to my wife! And that i haven't said it much sooner! If i had a problem with my **** that could be sorted with a minor operation i would be knocking on the operating door! 

Pete


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

Hi jorgegene,
I couldn't have put this better if i tried, 
to deny intimacy to your spouse for no good reasons other than 'its her body' is not conducive to a good marriage and will lead to divorce or endless resentment.
Marriage is a commitment for both parties!

Pete


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## SparkyWolf (May 21, 2015)

As a women I can understand that she doesn't want u to touch her. But there are other ways to be intamite.


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

Hi sparkywolf, 
I can understand that it could be uncomfortable but i am 48 and my wife is 44, it will be a long frustrating future if we carry on like this! 
I do find it annoying and frustrating that she flatly refuses to do anything about it or use lubricants! 
I agree there are other ways to be intimate but my wife is not very forthcoming with any other form of intimacy! She is more than happy with a cuddle and me being the protector of the family.

Pete


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## SparkyWolf (May 21, 2015)

I understand that. Have u tried to explain to her about her other options with intamacy


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Bugged said:


> In my opinion, what leads to divorce and resentment is when people think they are *ENTITLED *to something.


we should be entitled to each others bodies, but not in an unlimited way. In a loving, giving, reciprocal way.
otherwise, if i just feel like not sharing my body............

why did i get married?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Lubricant may not be the issue here. Your wife needs to see a doctor. Painful intercourse CAN be a warning sign of a few things that need to be ruled out...by a doctor.
> 
> If she has been experiencing painful intercourse for a while, of course it is something she would wish to avoid! Unfortunately many women are too embarrassed to talk to their GYN's about sex....which is the fault of the GYN who should be asking about sex or sexual problems as part of the check up!


:iagree:


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

yes many a time but again unfortunately nothing materialises, 
I am beginning to feel like she knows exactly what she is doing and she is happy with the situation because she knows that I won't leave or anything else as she knows I am very much a family man and I couldn't bear to be away from my children,

pete


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## SparkyWolf (May 21, 2015)

It sounds to me that y'all are at an impass. I Am having the same issues with my husband and he believed the exact same thing.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Bugged said:


> In my opinion, what leads to divorce and resentment is when people think they are *ENTITLED *to something.


No, what leads to divorce is when people think they are entitled to live their married lives making decision as if they are single. Your health affects your spouse, like it or not. 

I chew my H up one side and down the other when he neglects his health to an extent that it alarms me. It IS my business because it not only affects me but our children.

Don't be silly Bugged. If you hate marriage so much why are you even here?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

pjprobie said:


> yes many a time but again unfortunately nothing materialises,
> I am beginning to feel like she knows exactly what she is doing and she is happy with the situation because she knows that I won't leave or anything else as she knows I am very much a family man and I couldn't bear to be away from my children,
> 
> pete


Stop asking about lubricant.

Go to the grocery store and get a bottle of "pure, unrefined" coconut oil. It actually is not an oil but a solid, like crisco or butter. It has a very low melting point and will not irritate any sensitive parts. It is the only lubricant I can use and I've tried MANY!

Next time you think sex is on the table, make sure the coconut oil is by your side of the bed, rub a healthy amount of your erection and see what happens during penetration. I doubt lubrication is the problem but it might be good to rule it out.

Once you take the option of enforcing your boundaries off the table, you might as well hand her the keys to your happiness. 

Go back and read through all the sexless threads. Nothing ever changes is nothing ever changes and without teeth, nothing will ever change with your wife.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Stop asking about lubricant.
> 
> Go to the grocery store and get a bottle of "pure, unrefined" coconut oil. It actually is not an oil but a solid, like crisco or butter. It has a very low melting point and will not irritate any sensitive parts. It is the only lubricant I can use and I've tried MANY!
> 
> ...


This is really true. Not all lubricants are equal, my hb has brought home some that I hate. Then there are others I like.... you have to try different ones to find out what you like. I find the thicker consistencies to be better, and I don't like the warming ones. 

Can't go wrong with coconut oil.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

Hi everyone, 
I purchased the coconut oil, 
I initiated sex last night and it was the same old story, i could only touch her boobs, i suggested the coconut oil but it was answered with a flat NO, i calmly said maybe we should leave having sex tonight, while i was cuddling her i started approach the subject of how we can try to help how she feels and i would do anything to help her and the situation, she then told me that she will never go to the gyno for any other reason than the smear test! She said she doesn't see the problem with me having a quick play with her boobs and getting on with it! I said us having sex is supposed to be us enjoying it and not get it over with! 
She promptly went to sleep! 
This morning she was like we never had the conversation! 
Can't go on like this, its driving me mad!

Pete


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It's time for a come to Jesus talk here. Tell her you love her and want a life with her but you won't live without a reasonably mutually satisfyingv sex life, which does not mean quickies all the time. 

Then tell her you're willing to do whatever it takes and will hear any complaint or request she has, but if she's not willing to work with you it's best if you part ways. Be calm when you have this conversation. 

If she refuses or throws a fit you've got a tough decision to make.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

I agree lifeistooshort, 
I don't normally do this but i have gone to the pub to watch the football, so i probably won't have that talk tonght unless it gives me dutch courage! 
I know i need to do something as i know i am not happy the way it is presently, 

Pete


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Ok, this isn't about pain. Your wife just doesn't want to have sex with you. She's not attracted to you anymore. The pain is clearly an excuse--and be aware that she may not be able to admit this to herself, b/c it is a scary thought. It means the end of the marriage, frankly, unless the two of you can turn it around. 

A woman who is attracted to her husband wants sex with him more than 1/month, and is creative when something particular is unpleasant. She would be all into giving you oral and getting it from you (doesn't have to involve the vagina at all). She doesn't want clitoral stimulation so she just doesn't want sex with you. 

Face this and don't listen to the many excuses she will give--it is a waste of time and will only build frustration. Get the two of you to counseling immediately. A sexless marriage is unpleasant for you, but outside of that little detail, she is probably quite happy and will fight tooth and nail to prevent the marriage from ending--but in the end, if she doesn't want sex with you, nothing will really change. 

Be a grown up about it--she did not choose to lose attraction to you, and it only gets worse/has gotten worse b/c she agreed to sex much longer than she wanted to, just to maintain the marriage, until she found a great excuse. She cannot fake attraction to herself (although she can fake it to you). Be very, very careful, too, b/c if she engages in sex just to maintain the marriage (sex without desire), she can easily develop an aversion to you--and that will be irreversible, most likely. 

I didn't read all the threads so ignore my comments if they don't fit with what you think is going on--but certainly you should give them due consideration. 

Good luck.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

pjprobie said:


> hi there,
> I am new on here,
> my wife says I cannot touch her vagina as it sometimes hurts, we have had 2 children one is 17 and the other is 6, I can fully understand that things might not be quite the same down there after having our children, when we do it she wont let me touch her there and tells me it hurts sometimes and cant we just do it! I have suggested lubricants but she is not interested, i just want a bit of fun with my wife and it not to like its a chore, I am a gentle person who loves my wife in every way and i am struggling to want to do it as it doesn't feel like fun and i feel rejected,
> 
> probie



Since vaginal sex is painful to her after having two beautiful children, there are many other alternatives to vaginal sex.

- oral sex
- anal sex
- oiled foot jobs
- oiled breast jobs
- sex toys
- oiled hand jobs

No excuses there.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> Since vaginal sex is painful to her after having two beautiful children, there are many other alternatives to vaginal sex.
> 
> - oral sex
> - anal sex
> ...


agreed, there are so many ways to give your partner sexual fulfillment that don't always require PiV. 

It sounds more like she doesn't want to give Pete any sexual pleasure, nor is she interested in receiving any from him, because she is a) unattracted to him, b) resentful of something about him or c) depressed.


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

I agree sisters359 unfortunately, 
Maybe i am stubborn or pig headed but i can't give up just yet. Unfortunately it could be a matter of time before i do tho!
Cuddlebug i agree too but my wife won't go for any of that! As far as she is concerned that sort of stuff is dirty! 
I don't know about anal but the rest could be fun! I ain't got much chance of doing any of it tho!

Pete


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Sounds like she is a LD vanilla wife.

LD "Low sex drive"

Vanilla "on her back missionary and not much else".


Everything else is dirty and inappropriate but you are married to her and in your marriage together, between the two of you, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is fine.

Maybe she doesn't want sex because she feels she is not sexy, her body weight, not in shape?

Maybe after having the kids, hormones changed and haven't bounced back yet requiring meds?


Perimenopause?

Menopause?


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## len51 (May 22, 2015)

I am in the same boat. We have not intercourse for longer than we can remember. She does not like penetration at all. Says it hurts or I am too big for her. She has had lots of women problems and blamed that on intercourse so we just stopped that a few decades ago. She is also bisexual and leans towards women so we have extra challenges. 

Our solution was to have sex without intercourse. I now have very good oral skills but my wife still uses her vibrator most times. At first that put me off but now I am OK with it since she is having the most intense orgasms of her life. We found a way to make it work for us. 

We went a little extreme though. My wife fell in love with Teasing and denial. She gets me erect, waits for me to calm down and does it again. It is called edging since she brings me to the edge and back without an orgasm. So sex is mostly just about her and she loves it. She loves to get me hard and when I moan with sexual frustration, she gets very horny and grabs her vibrator or tells me to perform oral on her. 

I took lemons and made lemonade out of them. What was once a major source of irritation between us is now a fun sexual fetish game.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

len51 said:


> I am in the same boat. We have not intercourse for longer than we can remember. She does not like penetration at all. Says it hurts or I am too big for her. She has had lots of women problems and blamed that on intercourse so we just stopped that a few decades ago. She is also bisexual and leans towards women so we have extra challenges.
> 
> Our solution was to have sex without intercourse. I now have very good oral skills but my wife still uses her vibrator most times. At first that put me off but now I am OK with it since she is having the most intense orgasms of her life. We found a way to make it work for us.
> 
> ...



- she doesn't want vaginal sex with you

- no vaginal sex for decades now

- you are married

- turns out she likes women too, bi sexual.........

- only likes her toys and oral sex.......

- she is an extreme **** tease, torments you, gets off on it

- you allow all of this and do everything her way in the end.....


You should of manned up and no more mr.nice guy way back dude.

She wears the pants now.

You allowed it to get were it is today.


So what's next for her to torment you with and then try turn more lemons into lemonade?


This is not a loving wife.:scratchhead:


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

Hi everyone, 
Well i tried to have a talk with my wife! 
I asked if she would consider going back to see the doctor, she reiterated that there was no point as he cannot do anything? I said but we don't know unless we ask, i said even if he prdscribes more cream it might help, she now says that the ceeam didn't help the first time! 
It went down hill quite sharply then with her refusing to do anything about it and then trying to turn it on me! By saying my sports injuries in the past affected our sex life more than her problem! I have had a broken nose a couple of times, a broken leg and ankle, within a week of any of these i am up for sex no problem! Its just a matter of adapting,
It all ended with her storming off to bed saying "don't bother joining me"
It is my bed too so i did join her but kept my distance, 
Lets see what today brings!!!!

Pete


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

pj, it's time that you consult with Doctor Lawyer.


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## pjprobie (May 19, 2015)

Bizarrely my wife has asked me if she could talk to me away from our girls! She then apologised for all her actions and attitude! And with tears in her eyes! I was rather taken aback as i can't remember the kast time she looked so sincere! I wasn't too hard faced but said - apologies count for nothing if you don't back it up with actions, and not short term actions! She has now promised to go back to the doctor and in the meantime she will be open to lubricants but would prefer using baby oil! 
I can live with baby oil as i can imagine lots of fun with it! 
I am not counting my chickens yet tho! 
Actions speak for themselves! And i am expecting quite a bit of action!
Wish me luck as i will probably need it,

Pete


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

pjprobie said:


> Bizarrely my wife has asked me if she could talk to me away from our girls! She then apologised for all her actions and attitude! And with tears in her eyes! I was rather taken aback as i can't remember the kast time she looked so sincere! I wasn't too hard faced but said - apologies count for nothing if you don't back it up with actions, and not short term actions! She has now promised to go back to the doctor and in the meantime she will be open to lubricants but would prefer using baby oil!
> I can live with baby oil as i can imagine lots of fun with it!
> I am not counting my chickens yet tho!
> Actions speak for themselves! And i am expecting quite a bit of action!
> ...



That's excellent news! If you don't keep asking for what you want, it simply won't happen.

Also, very good that you didn't cower away to the sofa when she was being unreasonable. What...is she your mother or something punishing you like that?

So keep at it!

If you haven't already, buy the damn coconut oil! Your wife has no idea how much better this stuff is than any other lubricant out there. And it's better for your skin than baby oil is.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

PJ, that's good news that she's willing to go to the doctor, but I'm not convinced that will be a panacea. You still need to get at the root cause of why she's not interested in sex other than quickies. I think you need to get into MC and find out what the root issue is.

When she apologized, did she offer any kind of explanation?

Keep us posted!


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