# One Year Later - Still Freaked Out



## whynotme

I've been divorced now for a little over a year now. It has been very hard. My ex moved in another girl 3 weeks after I left him. One year later he is engaged and living with a different girl. The funny thing is he was the one who pushed for the marriage in the first place. I didn't really want to get married because I felt like we moved too fast and didn't do things the right way...I even gave the ring back after we were engaged. Through it all though, he was very persistent. After I while I started to fall for it. I figured, anyone who will keep coming back and chasing me after all this rejection has gotta love me, right? Wrong.

All he wanted to do was get married. I didn't realize until after the fact he only feels safe in a marriage relationship. I was his second wife, but of course I heard all the stories about how the first one was mean, crazy, she cheated on him, etc. I guess it was true, but when I was married to him, I didn't get an angel who had been wronged. I got someone who just wanted someone to take care of him - which was fine - at first. I liked looking after him, until (yes, I'm sure you've heard it before) I became more like a mother than a lover. And then the abusive stuff started. Well. No way was I going out like that. So I left him and got divorced.

And....now I can't watch movies anymore. That was one of the main things we had in common, sitting around together watching a bunch of dvds. We had a common interest in sci-fi movies. Now I have my half of the movie collection, and I can't watch them. It sucks so bad. I never thought I'd leave him and have lasting things wrong with my psyche. For some people, you know - they have to leave a light on now, they don't like to be alone, they don't like to be around people, loud noises frighten them, they have nightmares. I was a big movie buff before I met him, and now I can't watch movies anymore unless I go to a theater.

I don't miss him. I am so happy to come home and be able to sit down after working 8 hours and not run around serving, cleaning, cooking, running his errands, wonder why is he in a bad mood tonight, is he going to get mad at me, what did I do, why isn't what I can do enough? Breathing secondhand smoke is something else I don't miss. When we were dating I said, I don't mind if you smoke (my parents are smokers but I don't) as long as I don't have to breathe it. 3 years later he would get mad if I wouldn't come outside and talk to him on his "smoke breaks". It all just became too much.

I just wish I could watch movies again. I'm still hurting and I don't know why...I guess from being treated really poorly for a long period of time.

-WNM


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## HM3

You need to start doing "normal" things again, and watching movies is part of regular life. Why don't you try inviting friends or family around and watch the DVDs together - make a night of it, have pop corn and snacks etc?


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## greeneyeddolphin

Just put in a movie and sit down to watch it. Sometimes the best way to get over something like that is to just do it. Yes, the first few times might be painful and you might cry or get mad or whatever, but after a bit, it'll become something normal and natural, like it was before. By feeling as though you can't watch movies because it reminds you of him and your life together, you are continuing to give him control over your life. Do you really want to do that?


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## the last straw

i just want to say hi and i'm new to this site and this is my first posting. i also was p;pursued by my husband who said he loved me and wanted to get married. after the marriage he focused on work, prayer, learning, later on the kids.. he talked to me about functional things mostly and then the abuse started. it's taken me so many years to accept that he is two people, the sweet dependable guy that his customers know him as, and everywhere we meet them and they tell me how lucky i am to be married to such a nice guy. meanwhile, he is cold, nasty, deprives me of whatever he sees i like, but no one else sees that. i am hoping i get the guts to finally sign the legal papers. i've been so scared and full of unanswered questions, that i guess no one will answer but the future i dare create.
i just wanted to say that i identify with your pain and say to be patient with yourself during the healing process. you might choose to follow the suggestions others have written and watch again, you might decide to wait. in any case, the movie wish seems to be symbolic and it is representational of much more than just entertainment.. what do you think it might mean to you? the ability to enjoy life again? good luck to you from the last straw


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