# Husband Confessed Infidelity & Temporary Seperated



## Lostwithoutwords (Dec 14, 2011)

I've been with my husband going on 7 years. We have a 4 yr old son together. About two years ago he decided that he wanted to become a cop. After trying several departments he finally got accepted into another state other then we we're currently living at that time. During that time I had just got back into the working seen b/c previous to that I was a stay @ home mother. We went down to MD to choose a place to live. He gave me an ultimatum to go with him or stay behind and work. I decided to stay behind but told him that I would be down there in no time. Well, months progressed I tried to find a job out there and there was no luck. I would go up and down the road to interviews and there was still no hope. Years started to pass by and I begin to get promoted at the job that I was working and just didn't leave. Part of my reason for this was that I did not want to go out there and not have a job or be a burden to him. We would make attempts to spend time as a family every other weekend whether he was coming to NJ or I was going to MD. 

Well this pass July we had finally tied the knot after being together (so were newlyweds). It was one of the most special days in my life. But, deep down inside I had a feeling that there was something that wasn't right but I tried to not pay it any mind. Again, I did not move down there right away because I was paying for the wedding alone (that should had been a sign). His visits started to get short and when he came around he would be a little distant but denied it. I told him that if I didn't move with him soon that I feel that someone would take my place and he reassured me that nothing like that would happen. 

After we got married I promised him that I was moving down there in September with no exceptions. I just wanted to be able to apply for a job out there so I wouldn't be out of the work field for too long. Well I stuck to my promised and moved in and within two weeks I landed a job. I thought everything would be good and we would be happy. Once I got there I had a vibe that he wasn't happy I was there. Despite it all we ended up having sex but it just wasn't the same the connection was lost. Well, he went to work that night and then he dropped a bomb on me but he wasn't 100% truthful. He told me that it had been so long since we have been living together and that his feelings were not the same. So, he told me that he was talking to someone since June. I had asked him was he having sex with this person and he denied it. Days passed before he had confessed. He told me that I wasn't going to forgive him in what he had done. He told me he did have sex with this individual numerous times that he could not remember. UNPROTECETED! He told me that she worked in his building but was hiring rank then he is. He said that she was there for him at the time that he needed me and she made him feel good. He confessed that a few days before our wedding he went with her on vacation. Which he told me it was his "bachelor party get away with is friend." He told me for his birthday (in Sept.) he was with her. He told me that she was married with two kids and was in the process of divorcing her husband. The OW knew all about us and that he was getting married. Then he begin to say if I wanted to meet her I can. WTF are you serious???? He proceeded to say that he was sorry and that he loved me that he didn't me to hurt the both of us. In my mind I thought she doesn't deserve an apology she knew exactly what she was getting herself into. I asked him did he want to be with her and he told me that at the time he did but now he no longer wanted to be. From that moment my heart felt like it was ripped out inside of me. I felt like he tried to replace me without telling me ANYTHING! I felt betrayed I felt sick to my stomach. Days went by where I wouldn't eat I couldn't sleep b/c the thought of him being with someone else in the bed that we shared made me sick! I did not have anyone to turn to b/c my support system was in NJ. I found myself being alone. He did come home from work like he was supposed to and he kept become more distant from me to the point that I felt it was fake. It would bother me so much to see him walk out of the door. 

Tension started to build in the house and my son knew that something was going he had said to his father "you’re going to work again" I just had gotten to that point where he was gone more than he was there. He told me that he thinks that I deserve someone better and that he needs to get himself together and figure things out. He told me if I wanted we could have space for a while he would leave and still pay the bills or I could live there and once I was ready I could find a place out there and it would be easier for him to see his son. I felt like I no longer mattered to him after all these years and after everything I have been the one there for him. I was an emotional wreck being there. I felt hopeless, deceived and fool  .I told him that we could get an annulment but he doesn't want that he still wanted to be with me. I asked him why he didn’t address this to me before we got married. I said b/c he wanted to still marry me. A few days before I started the job I went back to NJ b/c days before that he told me that we should have some time apart to clear our heads. I agreed even though deep down inside I did not think it was the right idea. But, I was hoping everything will still get better. 

The day before I started the job he called me and said that he didn't want to do this anymore and for me not to bring OUR son back home b/c he was going to be in and out of town for the week. So, I ended up leaving our son behind in NJ. The following day I went into work happy that I even got the job after two yrs of searching. My son was with my mother and all she did was send text msgs to me to just leave him and the job and just to come back b/c he did not want me there. I was confused I felt torn btwn my decisions. I wasn't in the right state of mind and the only thing that I wanted the MOST is to have my family together. I was an EMOTIONAL WRECK! Without thoroughly thinking I walked off the job packed up everything and moved back to NJ. A week later he called me and apologized and said that he wanted to make things work. :scratchhead:

Fast forward to almost 3 months I'm jobless with no steady income my son cannot go to daycare. I'm living back with my mother and I dread being here . She is happy that I am here because she did not want me moving with him in the first place. So I feel that she got a thrill of me leaving him. My son and I see him every other wk. He continues to promise me that he wants to be with me and that we will have our family back together. He talks about wanting another child and another job. He regrets ever leaving our family in the first place. But, he said that he also likes being alone. My husband insists that it's no one else. Even though I want to believe him the trust isn't there anymore. I told him we could get pass this but things needed to change. He tells me that he misses us all the time and that he wished I had never left but at the same time he has never mentioned that he wanted us to come back. 
I'm no longer and emotional wreck so coming back did help me gather strength. I'm not happy here and I just want to go back and get back on track. I feel like I shouldn't have ran from my problem in the first place but he made me feel so uncomfortable being there. I don't know what to do or how to feel anymore. I'm afraid if we continue to live separately that were only going to get more distant. I don't want us to be the same way that we've been for the last two years. He's missing out on his son and me. He realizes that he has made a mistake and he feels less of a man starting his family and having nothing to show for it. To me he just doesn't get it b/c it's the same old BS. There has been no action taken from either one of us. I feel like if I don't go back there and stand my ground he is going to tell me "see if you really wanted us to be together you should have come back, but you didn't." :scratchhead:

Sorry, so long of a story but I tried to tell you guys as much as I could. Any suggestions? What is are your thoughts on this?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What about your husband moving back to where you are. Does the OW (other woman) work with him? If she does, one of the things he needs to do is to get away from her. So quiting his job would do that. 

Do you know who she is? Does her husband know about her affair yet? He needs to be told.

What has your husband done to make you feel safe up to now? I don't see from your post that he has done anything.


----------



## Lostwithoutwords (Dec 14, 2011)

@ EleGirl He never mentioned coming back to NJ. All he keeps telling me that he has to find another job somewhere. But, the way things look I don't think he's planning on going anywhere besides moving to another department in another county in MD. 

No, I don't know who she is or a name I got to see what she looks like laying in our bed from a video on the computer that was "accidently" recorded. All I know that she is a sergeant. I don't think her husband knows. IDK last time I spoke to my husband about her he said that he no longer talks to her and their paths cross sometimes at work. But, being that I left and it's been 3 months I really do know what's going on. 

Up til now my husband has done NOTHING he's doing a lot of talking but no action. I just don't know what to do.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

So he was on vacation with her the week before marrying you?

Divorce time.


----------



## Lostwithoutwords (Dec 14, 2011)

Yes he returned 3 days before us getting married. He mentioned like a wk before that he would be going out of town I asked him where and he said he didn't know yet. His Aunt called me b/c she couldn't get in touch with him. She was one that told me that he was in Miami on vacation with his friend that he worked with (which I had no clue). During that time he never answered any of my calls. Close to when he was coming home he sent me at text that he was boarding the plane. I spoke with him once he landed and I remember saying to hime "I thought you left me and ran off with another woman" as a joke. He denied it of course and said he would be back into town the next day.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Look he's a cheating rat. He has jerked you around,cost you a good jo b twice.

I say diviorce him, there are so many good men looking for good women like you, it's time to upgrade.

Let him have skankzilla. Common what kind of cheap skank lets herself do what she did? Yuck. They deserve each other,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since he's doing nothing to be with you, nothing to rebuild your trust in him and nothing to fix your marriage ... there is nothing for you to do. He is most likely still having the affair. There is no reason for you to believe he is not.

I suggest you read the 180 in my signature. That is how you should be dealing with him right now. The 180 is designed to protect you. You should do nothing at this junture to get him back or continue your marriage. He is he one who needs to make a move. If he does not make a move then file for divorce.


----------

