# This pain is horrible.....



## onemorethought (Oct 17, 2011)

I can't seem to stop crying, this divorce is really taking its toll on me. I feel like I tried so hard to make it work and he didn't care about it all. We are still living together at the moment, trying to get moved. He has been going out at night and it hurts so bad. 

To me its a really cold thing to start going out so soon, I feel as if he is doing it to spite me, he probably is..... Its like he has no emotion towards any of this and I am hurting so badly. 

We have been married 10 years and it will be a difficult transition, but, getting out of here will be the best thing for me and my kids.

Anyone else feeling sad today?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

onemorethought said:


> I can't seem to stop crying, this divorce is really taking its toll on me. I feel like I tried so hard to make it work and he didn't care about it all. We are still living together at the moment, trying to get moved. He has been going out at night and it hurts so bad.
> 
> To me its a really cold thing to start going out so soon, I feel as if he is doing it to spite me, he probably is..... Its like he has no emotion towards any of this and I am hurting so badly.
> 
> ...



Yea I'm sad about the whole last two years of my life where I've done everything to try to melt my wife's heart yet nothing seemingly worked. Until just recently, I think we may have tuned a corner but it took a lot of effort. Basically insisting we either move closer or further apart up to divorce. I really won't let the sexless years drag on. In those two years my marriage had been on my mind about 90% of every waking moment as I was blindsided. I loved my wife like no other but eventually I came to the realization that I had to be willing to lose her to make it better. Seems that might have worked... I felt compelled to endure a six-month celibacy as well in order to jump start out sex life next year hopefully. I went WAY beyond what a spouse should endure. All because I love my wife and want to make our life happy again. I'm still not positive it'll work but I'm hopeful and feel pretty good.

You are like me in a way, I told myself if it ever came to divorce I wold hold my head high and know I gave it my best shot. I think you should do the same RIGHT NOW.

Your husband failed NOT YOU! Let him go out he's a failure NOT YOU.

You need to live YOUR life. He has chosen to leave let him he is not worth your time anymore. 

Get in that mindset and don't give him any satisfaction out of watching you getting upset. You did your best. It's a life test who said life is fair, no one died you guys just found out that you became incompatible over time think of him like a boyfriend who dumped you. he was never really your husband he was playing you all these years. If he were your husband he wouldn't be leaving you like this, think about that. You will survive this and you will thrive. Your kids love you and that is enough right now.

You did all you could, none of us can change the others mind. They have to.
He may change his mind he may not. You have to do a 180 to give it a chance if you want him back. You'll feel better either way. Crying does no good... be strong.

Remember in the movie Castaway what kept him going .... The sun will rise!


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## onemorethought (Oct 17, 2011)

I went way beyond what a spouse should endure myself. Years of either not having sex or having boring sex, he told me recently sex with me makes him ill and he has hated it for years. 

Why in the heck did you stay here then? He told me that he wanted a marriage with no emotional attachment what so ever. Ok, so it would be out of convenience and not love, don't think so.

This move will be better for us, my girls and I can start over and find a better more satisfying life for ourselves.

I don't cry because I want to make it work, I cry because its over, you know?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

onemorethought said:


> he told me recently sex with me makes him ill and he has hated it for years.


I'm all for honesty, and apparently your soon-to-be-ex honestly feels that way, but when it's cruel, there is no reason to say it. Talk about ending things badly ... 



onemorethought said:


> He told me that he wanted a marriage with no emotional attachment what so ever.


I assume he wants to pay for the services of a prostitute, or just find some woman he can use to satisfy him sexually. A marriage with no emotional attachment isn't a marriage. Either he's a cold SOB, or he's saying these things as a way to hurt you. I've had some rotten breakups in my life, but I never had a man say things so cutting to me. Maybe I just lucked out. I really feel for you, and I'm sorry you are going through this. For what it's worth, things WILL get better.



onemorethough said:


> I don't cry because I want to make it work, I cry because its over, you know?


You're grieving the loss of what you thought should have been a marriage and a life with this man. You have every right to cry. No matter how bad the marriage, most people still grieve the lost of what might-have-been.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

onemorethought said:


> I went way beyond what a spouse should endure myself. Years of either not having sex or having boring sex, he told me recently sex with me makes him ill and he has hated it for years.
> 
> Why in the heck did you stay here then? He told me that he wanted a marriage with no emotional attachment what so ever. Ok, so it would be out of convenience and not love, don't think so.
> 
> ...


I want to win the lottery. 

You have to confront the brutal facts... dreams mean nothing, wants mean nothing. It's what you do with the facts that determines how successful you will be. It's ok to examine what went wrong and learn from it but ultimately you probably have half of your life to go. Don't let this prevent you from living it to the fullest. Its scary as hell but a great life could be around he corner.


I got canned after 18 years out of the blue through no-fault of my own (possibly a patial reason for my current sex situation).... result the best job of my life! I LOVE my job it's not even like work to me. Now if I can fix my marriage I'll be gold! Funny how that works great marriage-lousy job, not so great marriage-great job. Seems like life is just throwing curves right and left. No matter what I'm still me. I look at the big picture we are al so insignificant in the grand scale of things and life really is just a game. I plan to win.

Again why are you sad... you did your best. Just because your husband is uncaring it isn't you. you are caring and deserve much better. Your girls deserve better think of them as your reward for going through hell. Had you not endured the pain they would not exist...think about that. Sometimes good comes out of bad.

I didn't cry when my dog died and I and my boys watched her put down after 14 wonderful years. Because I knew I gave that dog my all and it was her time to go. No regrets.

Do I miss her hell yea... but I know I did my best and that makes it easier. Let your husband go he means nothing now, he in fact died as the husband you cared for died. Remember the good and accept it's life.

You did your best sometimes things don't work out. It's life.

Good luck... you will find happiness again. Guaranteed.


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Ok I would ball out over putting my dog down. I would be by her side but I would be balling


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

2yearsince said:


> Ok I would ball out over putting my dog down. I would be by her side but I would be balling


I did that with my first dog and then went ten years between dogs. Because of the pain.

This latest one we got from the pound, she was our fist kid. We went to the pound and she chose us, I let my wife decide. I remember on that day I got her (the dog) alone and promised her to give her the best life possible and I did. Walks everyday, she never stayed with anyone than those who loved her, huge yard. She was super smart, caring beautiful I loved that dog with every inch of my body. Kinda like my wife right now. I really do give it my all when I get attached. Just the way I am.

I also promised my dog (on that day) when her time to go came that I would put her down. That we would know when it was time. Kinda like my wife right now if we end up in a divorce. I promised to love her but if she's going to be happier without me then I'll let her go and not cry. Because I know I did my best. I can hold my head high.

Our dog there were no regrets she went peacefully. I may never have another dog as I don't think any could compare. Everyone loved that dog because she was just one of those great dogs. My wife was glad to get rid of the shedding.  That was our(my)dog's only flaw. Two ACL surgeries were costly but did give her better later years. Well worth it in retrospect.

Have to admit a tear came to my eye as I typed this. I miss her a lot.

It hasn't helped that my marriage went sexless about the same time as the dog/job loss (I really could have used my wife's love and still can to this day, I miss that a lot also). talk about a triple whammy. I have hope on the marriage at least after busting my butt for the last two years, Job's great. Making progress with my wife little by little. We get along and have a great life we just aren't there yet.


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