# What happened



## 68 destroyed (Dec 4, 2012)

I'm lost, can't believe at 68 I would be in this mess. Fourteen weeks ago this whole thing started. We have been married 45years and very much in love. We have two beautiful children and two beautiful grandchildren. In August my wife who is 66 suggested we go to a neighbors going away party for their son who is 24 and going into the navy. We went and had a fun time. What I found odd was the way my wife wanted to have shots with their son. We left and nothing was ever said about it. One week later we were in bed at night and I heard my wife texting on her iPhone, she had her back to me, I could just read the top message which said "don't you care about us anymore". When I tried to read more my wife felt me move and erased the text. The net day she said she was just texting our son which was not true. I began to watch more closely. I have never distrusted my wife. Our sex life has always been great even at our age. We are both retired and are always together except for when she has her nails done every three weeks, which takes about 2 hours. Her nail girls shop is 5 minutes away. Never really paid much attention. I did notice her sexual desires changed during this period. For her next nail appointment she had a hard time getting the time slot she wanted. It was so late in the afternoon not her normal time. When I asked her why, she said she just wanted a change. The time was set for 4 o'clock our neighbors son gets home at 4:30. The day of her appointment she wore her fanciest underwear which is not the norm. Sure enough 20 minutes after she left he left his house. When I confronted her about this the next day she became very angry, she told me I needed to see a doctor, I broke down terribly. I think she has had two more visits with this young man. After the last visit I heard her mumbling "it's over it's over" . Two weeks later the boy left for the service. When ever I talk about this she angrily denies everything. One day she was crying and said I wish you could get me a lie detector test, I said are you serious , she said yes, I said ok. Then she said you would do that to me, I said you asked for it didn't you? She agreed. She took the test and failed it. She still will not admit anything. We have since seen a psychologist 4 times. It's such a mess now. Our children have stopped our baby sitting and are both sick to death over this. I myself can't sleep or eat. I went from 214lbs to 183lbs in 14 weeks. I just can't get the thoughts and pictures out of my head. Any help would be greatly appreciated.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

When I was going thru this crap I would force the mind movie out by telling my self "I diserve good things". I was not going to allow the evil my wife did..to dictate my life. When these evil thoughts come up, force them out with your own montra...or feel free to use mine  but have a saying that replaces these thought and everytime they enter your head repeat over and over again "I diserve good things".

You have to start working out ...that helped me the most.

So your wife continues to deny and yet you have proof of her lies....has she faced any consequences for her lies? Its a fact that with out consequences the bad behavior will continue with some other guy.

I would start planting some spy gear....voice activated recorder under her car seat, keylogger, GPS....you owe it to your self in finding out if you are still being betrayed.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

68 destroyed said:


> I'm lost, can't believe at 68 I would be in this mess. Fourteen weeks ago this whole thing started. We have been married 45years and very much in love. We have two beautiful children and two beautiful grandchildren. In August my wife who is 66 suggested we go to a neighbors going away party for their son who is 24 and going into the navy. We went and had a fun time. What I found odd was the way my wife wanted to have shots with their son. We left and nothing was ever said about it. One week later we were in bed at night and I heard my wife texting on her iPhone, she had her back to me, I could just read the top message which said "don't you care about us anymore". When I tried to read more my wife felt me move and erased the text. The net day she said she was just texting our son which was not true. I began to watch more closely. I have never distrusted my wife. Our sex life has always been great even at our age. We are both retired and are always together except for when she has her nails done every three weeks, which takes about 2 hours. Her nail girls shop is 5 minutes away. Never really paid much attention. I did notice her sexual desires changed during this period. For her next nail appointment she had a hard time getting the time slot she wanted. It was so late in the afternoon not her normal time. When I asked her why, she said she just wanted a change. The time was set for 4 o'clock our neighbors son gets home at 4:30. The day of her appointment she wore her fanciest underwear which is not the norm. Sure enough 20 minutes after she left he left his house. When I confronted her about this the next day she became very angry, she told me I needed to see a doctor, I broke down terribly. I think she has had two more visits with this young man. After the last visit I heard her mumbling "it's over it's over" . Two weeks later the boy left for the service. When ever I talk about this she angrily denies everything. One day she was crying and said I wish you could get me a lie detector test, I said are you serious , she said yes, I said ok. Then she said you would do that to me, I said you asked for it didn't you? She agreed. She took the test and failed it. She still will not admit anything. We have since seen a psychologist 4 times. It's such a mess now. Our children have stopped our baby sitting and are both sick to death over this. I myself can't sleep or eat. I went from 214lbs to 183lbs in 14 weeks. I just can't get the thoughts and pictures out of my head. Any help would be greatly appreciated.


Im so sorry that after all this time together you are finding out she hasnt been honest.

I dont mean to sound rude but really, what does a 24 yo boy want with a 60 something year old woman? That makes me a little nauseous thinking about it.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Is divorce out of the question?

How do you know she hadn't cheated in the past? I'm surprised at her age she could still cheat. Maybe it's in her blood.

At your age, the number of women greatly outnumbers men. Let her be. She has left the marriage.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

LetDownNTX said:


> Im so sorry that after all this time together you are finding out she hasnt been honest.
> 
> I dont mean to sound rude but really, what does a 24 yo boy want with a 60 something year old woman? That makes me a little nauseous thinking about it.


That is kind of creepy


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LetDownNTX said:


> Im so sorry that after all this time together you are finding out she hasnt been honest.
> 
> I dont mean to sound rude but really, what does a 24 yo boy want with a 60 something year old woman? That makes me a little nauseous thinking about it.


A couple of years before I met my wife I had a brief fling with a woman who was about 30 years older than me. I really fell for her, too.

It happens. Did I notice the age gap? No, never even considered it. I though she was one of the most beautiful women I'd ever met.

OP, is it possible he reminded your wife of you at that age? 

This is not easy for you, I hope you and your wife can get through this and head for more happy times, together, if that's what you want.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to expose to his parents what he has done or the next time he is town your wife will be in his bed.

You also have the problem that your wife is going to be looking for a replacement for him. Do be on the watch for her getting a new boy o cheat with.


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## stonorobert (Dec 4, 2012)

I'm surprised at her age she could still cheat.


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## I want to smile again (Nov 29, 2012)

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's a shame that someone so mature would even think about cheating, let alone actually do it. Is there hope at all? Do you see yourself working it out with her? You should tell the young man's parents and expose them so he can stay away from your family.
She ruined everything, and if she wants to be back in your life, she'll have to put everything out on the open. No more lies, no more cheating.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Maybe your best option is recovering her texts..


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Maybe your best option is recovering her texts..


Yes call your cell provider and get copies of all the texts your WW has sent.


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

get the texts now: if she still does not come clean then down load a set of D papers and present them to her and tell her this is her only chance she has to tell the truth. if you have the evidence don't let her know what you know so when you ask the questions you will have a better idea how truth she is being.

prepare your self for the worst and be ready to follow thru with what you say you are going to do


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## fall guy (Nov 9, 2012)

theroad said:


> Yes call your cell provider and get copies of all the texts your WW has sent.


Your provider won't give text transcripts but you can recover them from ITunes. I know because I've done it.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

At this age? With a neighbor boy some 40 years younger?

It sucks. I am sorry for you.

I think you should have played it smarter. You could have collected evidences before you confronted.

Are there more skeletons in the cupboard?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

She thought a 24yr old was going to stay with her for the rest of her life........Wow, I guess us cheaters do lose our mind when we're in the thick of it.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

CH said:


> She thought a 24yr old was going to stay with her for the rest of her life........Wow, I guess us cheaters do lose our mind when we're in the thick of it.


Why people asume this? I don't believe she was deluded, she knew damm well what she was getting. It was worth for her.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

CH said:


> She thought a 24yr old was going to stay with her for the rest of her life........Wow, I guess us cheaters do lose our mind when we're in the thick of it.


Uh no.... she was enjoying getting nailed by a 24 y/o.

Guys do it all the time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

stonorobert said:


> I'm surprised at her age she could still cheat.


She's 66. I"m 63. There is still plenty of life after the mid 60's... most women live another 20 years or so.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Uh no.... she was enjoying getting nailed by a 24 y/o.
> 
> Guys do it all the time.





EleGirl said:


> She's 66. I"m 63. There is still plenty of life after the mid 60's... most women live another 20 years or so.


These things are true.

But these posts do nothing to help this BH.

68 destroyed, come back and up date us. You need more then to vent. You need to plan a course of action.


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## 68 destroyed (Dec 4, 2012)

Sorry, this is not easy for me. Nothing is good. My son has cut his mom out from taking care of our new grandson. My wife told my daughter to stop calling because we have too much on our plate and she doesn't want to answer any questions. We talked last night she was very angry and said none of this is true and maybe we should get a divorce. Well maybe we should, living like this is just to much. It feels like I'm having a nightmare and can't wake up.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

68 destroyed said:


> Sorry, this is not easy for me. Nothing is good. My son has cut his mom out from taking care of our new grandson. My wife told my daughter to stop calling because we have too much on our plate and she doesn't want to answer any questions. We talked last night she was very angry and said none of this is true and maybe we should get a divorce. Well maybe we should, living like this is just to much. It feels like I'm having a nightmare and can't wake up.



Exposure is good. Do her friends know? I wouldn't be surprised if in her last 45 years of marriage she cheated before and discussed with a few of her friends.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Very sorry that you are here Sir. Please keep talking to us. It has helped me greatly to read the stories and to laugh at some of the comments.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

This doesn't help, it is just more confusion, but lie detector tests, as I understand it, are fallible. Read the Wikipedia article as a starting point.

How much that matters depends on how big a part it is in your evidence.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

OP already "knows" what happened. Just now this is not exactly the main issue. It's the fact she won't come clean. Unless there's an admission she can't start heloing herself therefor helping him or the marriage. Such a purple elephant... There's no hope without this. JMHO. If she comes clean then more issues would come.


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

Shock therapy works very well in getting a WS to come clean, not always but it does work. Have D papers in your hand tell her she has one last chance to come clean, if she wants to stay married to you. tell her not to lie that you already know that you just want to hear it from her.
This is one of the times in life when weakness will not solve anything only make the suffering harder, and longer.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

MY WH failed a poly, too and still won't admit to anything more.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Ever consider trading her for a younger model? The new one can be quite helpful in your golden years. Why waste your remaining life steep in depression, misery and mistrust?


You know, of course, that was what she was doing?


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

68 destroyed said:


> Sorry, this is not easy for me. Nothing is good. My son has cut his mom out from taking care of our new grandson. My wife told my daughter to stop calling because we have too much on our plate and she doesn't want to answer any questions. We talked last night she was very angry and said none of this is true and maybe we should get a divorce. Well maybe we should, living like this is just to much. It feels like I'm having a nightmare and can't wake up.


Tell your WW that those that have nothing to hide hide nothing.

Call your PD and ask for a referral for a polygraph tester. Then schedule the polygraph test then tell the WW when the date for the test is.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

68. Nothing like reality to knock some sence into that thick skull of hers.

Show her the door and let her find out for herself what the dating market is like for a 68 year old woman.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

I agree with the last poster-----so far all you have done is harangue her---she needs to face some consequences

She failed a poly---many say they are not 100%---but so what, she failed it, there were enuff emotions there that the machine said she lied, that's all you need.

------she changed her normal habits, she texted a 24 yr old----that in itself, is out of line--------I have many friends in their 60's---normal 60 yr old women and men---stick to their own age group---they DO NOT TEXT 20 yr olds---he*l they don't text 40 yr olds---in fact most 60 yr olds, don't do much texting at all---they are still old school and talk on the phone

Your wife cheated, you both know it---call her bluff----tell her to leave, she will fight you, as she knows there is nothing out there for her, and how is she even gonna live----most younger cheaters when kicked out---go to THEIR PARENTS---she doesn't at her age have that option-----keep the pressure on her, and don't back down----as I said she is fighting you tooth and nails---cuz if you D, her or kick her out---she has very little to look forward to----the people who mean the most to her---you and her kids, are turning their backs on her-----so basically at her age, her nice cushy life, is over, and her future, will be very tuff for her

The other thing, I would wanna know, if I walked in your shoes, is why did your wife, need sex with another man of any age----what was wrong with the mge, and what had you done/not done---to cause her to get hot passion for a young kid

Also as to the kid----no matter what any of you think or wanna say------60 yr old women, body shape/body wise, are not that appealing----maybe your wife, does not have rolls of fat, and wrinkles , but most 60 yr old women do----so what was with this 24 yr old kid anyway---can't he get it from someone his own age, I mean not to be vulgar, but what is he really doing but sticking his tool into a woman---but at least at his age, I would think, it would be a woman that appeals to him, body, and looks wise---otherwise, yes its all the same plumbing, no matter the age.

Who knows---good luck whatever you decide----the sun will come up manana---you just may not spend your golden years with a wife, looking at that sun---but that may be all right also----stand tall


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jnj express said:


> She failed a poly---many say they are not 100%---but so what, she failed it, there were enuff emotions there that the machine said she lied, that's all you need.


The OP’s wife did not take a polygraph test. It was someone else’s wife who took one and failed.



jnj express said:


> ------she changed her normal habits, she texted a 24 yr old----that in itself, is out of line--------I have many friends in their 60's---normal 60 yr old women and men---stick to their own age group---they DO NOT TEXT 20 yr olds---he*l they don't text 40 yr olds---in fact most 60 yr olds, don't do much texting at all---they are still old school and talk on the phone


Not true at all. I’m 63 and text all the time. My sisters and many of my friends are in their late 50’s and 60’s. They text all the time. We all also use email, Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, etc.

Since when don’t people in their 60’s have friends in other age groups. In my group of friends and family we have a lot of friends in all age groups. I am friends with many of my children’s friends… all in their 20’s. We text each other all the time. One of my sons’ friends is job hunting. He’s been texting me about advice on this. Today he called me about an interview he was getting ready for. Tomorrow he’s coming over to do a dump run for me. I’ve helped him with things at times. This is what my relationship are like with all of my kids’ friends. I’m like a second mom to all of them.

Her texting someone who is of a different age group is not proof of an affair. The problem is that that she’s had an affair with the guy.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The OP’s wife did not take a polygraph test. It was someone else’s wife who took one and failed.


Reread the first post in the thread. She took the test and failed.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yes, she failed the poly and she failed the red flag test.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Yes, she failed the poly and she failed the red flag test.


Shaggy, you would have read the reliability stats on polys....comments?

As you say, in this case there are other red flags. I would have described it as very strong circumstantial evidence, but probably not quite beyond dispute.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

2asdf2 said:


> Many younger people think we are dead on our feet.


Are you on that computer again? Not supposed to do that if you are over thirty you know !!!!!!


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

68, you said the young guy is back to duty, but can you ask his parents about this or maybe some of his friends since you say your wife won't answer any questions or admit anything. 

Does she have any history of mental issues or disorders that could account for this frankly strange behavior ?


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## Ina (Dec 3, 2012)

I think everyone needs to be very careful here. Many assumptions are being made. 68 what is clear to me is that you are suffering immensely. You have weight loss, sadness, you've lost hope, and are questioning your worth. These are signs of depression. Please see a medical professional and deal with these feelings first and foremost. Seek out support. Once you have a better handle on your emotions, you can begin to give these issues some rational thought. Please take care of yourself. Even though it may not feel like it, there is still hope, whatever the outcome.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Actually I would think the 24 year old might just come clean. He is in the military, he is 24, why would he not say. If I were the OP I would try to find a way to communicate with him and threaten to expose to all his fellow soldiers. If they found out he was shagging a 60+ year old woman it might not be so comfortable for him in the barracks. They would ride him unmercifully. I would guess he would come clean just to avoid the embarrassment. He has no loyalty to the OP's wife.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The easiest thing to do is talk to your lawyer. He can get all the texts. Case closed


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## Battle_Cats (Jun 28, 2012)

68 destroyed said:


> Sorry, this is not easy for me. Nothing is good. My son has cut his mom out from taking care of our new grandson. My wife told my daughter to stop calling because we have too much on our plate and she doesn't want to answer any questions. We talked last night she was very angry and said none of this is true and maybe we should get a divorce. Well maybe we should, living like this is just to much. It feels like I'm having a nightmare and can't wake up.


I am so sorry this has happened to you. I'm also sorry that I can't give you any advice other than to say please just hang in there. Take comfort in the love of your children and grandchildren and just take the rest day by day.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wazza said:


> Reread the first post in the thread. She took the test and failed.


Opps... I stand corrected


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## 68 destroyed (Dec 4, 2012)

Yesterday was the third time that I got an angry response from questioning my wife. The response is always the same, ( yes his c--k is the best) then she comes right back and tells me it was a lie and that she is sorry for saying that. She may be weakening, but what the hell do I do if she comes clean. I have never been so mixed up in my entire life.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Google polygraph testers in your area. Some say you can find good ones through your local police dept. Set up an appointment and take her to it without telling her where she is really going. You will have your answer when you get there. If she refuses, what else do you need.

It comes down to what you can accept. If its all true are you willing to reconcile with her?


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

68 destroyed said:


> Yesterday was the third time that I got an angry response from questioning my wife. The response is always the same, ( yes his c--k is the best) then she comes right back and tells me it was a lie and that she is sorry for saying that. She may be weakening, but what the hell do I do if she comes clean. I have never been so mixed up in my entire life.


Sorry for what you are going through. Has she always spoken like that? I.E. graphic "his c*ck was the best"? Then apologizing right away. It's bizarre behaviour from the beginning. This may sound harsh but she is a bit old for a MLC so is there any history of early onset dementia at that age in her family? Has she been checked out medically?


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## 68 destroyed (Dec 4, 2012)

This goes from bad to worse. Last Friday we talked, I told her there was a possibility of a divorce. She was outraged, twenty minutes later she fell down a flight of stairs, she said she lost her balance carrying up laundry. She broke her FEMA and has been in the hospital since Friday night. Operated on Monday. Now she acts like nothing ever happened. What is this craziness.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Is it a possibility she did that on purpose? As her last act of desperation? Sorry to be so cynical, but I saw women attempting suicide just to keep her husband/boyfriend from leavin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

68, I know I already said this in a previous post but you really need to get her a full psychological evaluation. She is 66 years old, could be the beginning of Alzheimers. My grandmother began her's at 66, and she would go from mean to nice and back again in the blink of an eye sometimes. Just seems to me that its something mental here in play. Good Luck


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you thought about calling the OM? See if the stories match.

Generally, it does no good to talk to the OM. 

What about telling her polygraph or divorce.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Since she's in the hospital, could be a good time for a psych exam.


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## 68 destroyed (Dec 4, 2012)

Sorry about the spelling, of late FEMA has been on all NYs minds. We have been to two female therapists both have told me to just put it out of my mind that it never happened. My wife is very convincing. I stopped the therapy, I could see it was not going to help me. Now I'm left with caring for her as well as her two 90 year old parents, both blind, and one with Alzheimer's.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

68 destroyed said:


> Sorry about the spelling, of late FEMA has been on all NYs minds. We have been to two female therapists both have told me to just put it out of my mind that it never happened. My wife is very convincing. I stopped the therapy, I could see it was not going to help me. Now I'm left with caring for her as well as her two 90 year old parents, both blind, and one with Alzheimer's.


NEWS FLASH!!! 
Your therapists are blind and quite possibly have Alzheimer's as well.


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