# Can't leave I love her to much



## SoDamnTired (Nov 10, 2011)

Be gentle this is my first post.
Where to start …
My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 15 yrs. Of these only the last few have been bad. In the last 3yrs there has been infidelity and physical abuse, who did what to whom does not matter because we moved on. The problem is the underlying cause for all of it is still there. Money.
I make about 50k a year but with loan payments, rent and assorted bills we are in the hole almost $400 dollars every month. I end up having to borrow money from family and friend to make up that deficit. Anyone who has had to do that knows the blow your pride takes. Now take that humbling experience and multiply it by 12 months a year for almost 5yrs. I can’t do it anymore. I have never even been able to pay anyone back and its killing me.
As for her. My wife does not work. Her last anytime job ended 5yrs ago. She is smart and beautiful and I know she could find something but she hasn’t. Now in all fairness I personally chalk up the first 2yrs to our living situation (too weird to tell and keep anonymity). That still leaves 3yrs without so much as a part-time job. I don’t even know what to ask you all. She tells me that she is looking but I have no way of confirming that because while she is supposedly doing it I am at work or school.
I just know something needs to be done. I’m pulling away from her sexually because the thought of getting her pregnant terrifies me from a financial standpoint. Also there is the returning depression in both of us. For me it is triggered by the slow realization that despite my best efforts I am going to be stuck in this position or worse forever. It brings me to tears sometimes because I love this woman and it sucks that I may have to choose between this debt hell with her or relationship hell without her. I guess I will have questions later, now I have to get back to work. 
Thanks for reading.


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## Chelhxi (Oct 30, 2008)

So in the five years who has paid for her clothes, hair stuff, make-up, hobbies, whatever else? I would have stopped paying for my husband's stuff exactly 5 yrs ago (or maybe 3 if that is what makes sense for your story). You can't force someone to get a job but you can chose not to pay for anything you don't want to pay for.


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