# We both had one night stands during a trial separation



## kalaina (Mar 29, 2010)

We were 20 and 21 when we got married. We were happy and young. We never really hated each other, we didn't fight, we laughed, but 6 months ago we started to fight more often. My version of what happened : We have been together since July 2005, he left December 28, 2010

We were so in love that when we started fighting, we didn't know what to do. And we were angry about the fighting. We then split up and tried to prove we didn't need each other. We each had a one night stand. We then decided that we couldn't be without one another. 

But now I feel like the one night stands will haunt us forever. He has move past it. I however have not. He walked out on me, he told me he didn't want to sleep with me anymore, he told me that he couldn't handle being a father and husband. So yeah what is the first thing you do when you are told the one person in the world you love more than anything doesn't want you anymore...you go and find someone who does. I couldn't control him coming back, the ball wasn't in my court. I was forced to deal with the heart ache by myself. 

He came back a changed person, I haven't seen the man he is now in a long time. I missed him. But why did it take all of that to happen to get where we needed to be? I didn't want this out of a relationship. This was not my dream. Doesn't everyone deserve their dreams to come true....I just don't think I can bounce back. I want to get over it so badly. I just can't look at him and not think about it. 

I have to think about it as just sex. He never spoke to her on the phone, they were on a date with another person, he didn't even know her name. But the thing is that he left and cheated. Like leaving wasn't enough. Like killing me wasn't enough. I don't want to get hurt. I can't even look at happy couples anymore, cause I know I can never be that happy or that in love again, we will always have this blemish on our marriage. I don't want to know. I don't want people to get married. I just look at people being happy together and want to cry for them, cause I know someone is going to hurt them, and stomp on their heart. I loved being married, now I feel like it would be wrong for us to be together because people who have affairs don't really love each other unconditionally if they did that. 

I know its still really fresh, am I Crazy? Young? Stupid? or All of the Above?:scratchhead:


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> I know its still really fresh, am I Crazy? Young? Stupid? or All of the Above?


I have no way of really knowing any of the above (except the young part - you youngster!!!) but I can say this: your relationship will go nowhere as long as you continue to feel sorry for yourself. 

You ask 'why did it take all this to happen'? A large part of that can be answered by simply saying that unless you actively, proactively prepare your marriage to avoid infidelity, it may very well happen. Living in a dream world where 'it can't happen here' quite often ends up with 'it happening here.'
*
Infidelity never happens in a vacuum.* (Read with care!)

Here's the gist of the trouble. You look at your husband and see a man who was unfaithful to you, and feel shame and anger. Both acceptable emotions, but NOT grounds to operate on. You did the same thing. You are in no position to feel superior at all. I have to ask this, although I really doubt this is what you believe: do you really think it was right for you to be unfaithful - and wrong for your husband? It was wrong for both of you. 

But it's done. Water under the bridge. Perhaps. Who did you sleep with? Still in contact? 

What needs to be done is for you both to see that there was a weakness in your marriage that you did not foresee - something that took you both by surprise (and no, it was NOT the fight. The fight was ABOUT something, it's that something that needs to be addressed.) You have a chance - a wonderful chance - to get back both the happiness you both had - and even better - to make an even better marriage, one where you are both aware that weaknesses CAN happen - and you can have the tools to make sure you overcome ANY problems together.

So quit feeling sorry for yourself and get busy building your marriage. We can help you a LOT!

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Now playing: 3 Doors Down - Dangerous Game
via FoxyTunesHow Affairs Start


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## kalaina (Mar 29, 2010)

Thank you so much for that. I get tired of talking to friends about this, and I still feel need to talk to someone. I think I am just one of those people that need to hear the harsh truth. And having him act as though nothing happened just makes me feel even more crazy. He just gets to be one of those lucky people that can move past anything. But really thank you, I didn't think anyone would even look at this thing.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Please elaborate on your part of the infidelity, explain the relationship.


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## kalaina (Mar 29, 2010)

This is were it gets complicated. My husband started hanging out with this really cool guy this past October. Well his wife had just up and left him, so we helped him through it. He would basically come over every Saturday night. No one else I knew was going through this, so when my husband left me I went to our friend (lets call him B). He told me that no matter what happened he would stay by both our sides. Well he would text me asking me how I was doing, he was the only one that even wanted to talk to me...it was a really lonely period in my life. Well, one night I just got really really drunk and he made a pass at me. My husband says he took advantage of me being in an emotional mess. All the while he was still hanging out with my husband. Now B was still married to his wife. B, my husband and the wh0re went out together a couple of times. Well one of those times they are got ridiculously drunk. My husband ended up having basically three minutes of drunk sex, while B was kissing her. I almost just threw up in my mouth. B is a pretty sick guy, but since his wife (who he is still enamored with) wouldn't touch him, he figured this was the only way to get back with her. So, my husband had a drunken one night stand with b's wife, and I had a drunken one night stand with B. Now I am so damn insecure, she has long black hair, the cutest body, wears glasses, and a total nerd (not to mention a wh0re). But she is the kind of person my husband should be with. He is getting pretty aggravated with me and this whole thing. The first couple of days in Feb is when we found out. Meaning he looked through my phone and then told me that we were even since we both did the same thing...He left me then went and slept with a more attractive girl, I've had two kids and am heavy medicated... I want to stop feeling like this, I am manic depressive, bi-polar, and extremely jealous. Oh, God I feel like there is no hope, and it will never go back to the way it was (which is what I want)...sorry I am so winey, it hasn't been that long, and yes this is a sick twisted story.


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## kalaina (Mar 29, 2010)

Let me calm down for a min. I love my husband, he is great. He has only done two horrible things in his life time. Just two mistakes, other than that he is perfect. I demand perfection and now that everything isn't perfect I feel like there is no hope. 

Most days I am happy, I just get in these funks and it takes me a while to get out of them. He is fine, we is ready to work through all this stuff. I was so torn up that I couldn't function. It might just take me a little longer. It could have been way worse, I realize that. And if I hadn't slept with someone else there is no way I could have stayed with him. 

I just need help focusing on how good I have it, and how it was a mistake and that everyone makes them. Even your heroes make mistakes, and he was my hero. Now he is just a man. 

Please don't get me wrong, we have a great relationship and love each other very much. I just have a hard time of staying out of that dark place thats in my head.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Questions. Since you call the other wife a ***** when you did the same thing, then naturally you consider yourself to one too, right? Why do you spend 90% of your time complaining about what your husband did, When you did the same thing to him? Another question. You said your husband had 3 minutes of drunk sex, please be honest, how long was your drunk sex? I will wager the way you gloss over your own infidelity it was way longer then 3 minutes. Was it? If it was, say 12 minutes doesn't that mean that you are 4X as guilty as him and the other *****? So now that its done. and your husband seems to be able to get past it. You don't think you can. You said that if you hadn't have slept with someone there is no way you could get past it (do you know how hypocritical you sound?). The way I see it. He is a cheat but is willing to forgive, and you are a cheat who is not willing to forgive. Which one of you is more offensive?


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## kalaina (Mar 29, 2010)

I understand you want to put your honest opinions on this thing, and I appreciate that. But look here, it has only been a two months. How about a little patience. He informed me he was going to leave me four days before Christmas and then did on December 28, he did not come back till January 28. We have two kids together, I was in school and working a full time job when the love of my walked out the door on me. So forgive me if I am a little hesitant to be forgiving. He told me he didn't want to sleep with me, that I have been a problem for a while now. If someone that you loved more than anything dropped a bomb like that on you I assume you would feel hurt and heartbroken too. It tore me to pieces, so maybe that is the reason I am having trouble. 

And don't get me wrong what you said may probably help. 

But that girl basically had a threesome with my husband, she knew what she was doing. And she was married and knew he was thinking about coming back, she used him. And no I will not refer to myself as a *****, because I am not.* No matter what you think.* and from the bottom of my heart please do not try and argue that point once I post this. I know the girl and what she has done and how manipulative she can be, and how she has slept with anyone with a penis. So please don't try to rip me a new one right now. I don't care how hypocritical I sound. Don't tear someone down who is seeking help.


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> This is were it gets complicated.


It is still staying complicated - and there is no reason for it to be. Kalaina, you seem to be skirting around issues, deflecting questions, filling the air with all kinds of justifications and minimizing comments - and I don't think you need to. In fact, it seems to me that if you could slow down, work through this in a more straightforward way and be less 'deflective' (is that a word?) that you'd find yourself recovering much faster. I still have several questions...

First, though, a definition. An affair is "acting in a way so that affection and loyalty are not committed and dedicated to a private person to whom loyalty is due; not adhering to promises (vows)." An affair can be either physical or emotional. It's physical if you engage in physical sexual activity, it's emotional if you are getting any needs filled by someone other than your spouse - that you should be getting from your spouse instead.



> No one else I knew was going through this, so when my husband left me I went to our friend (lets call him B). He told me that no matter what happened he would stay by both our sides. Well he would text me asking me how I was doing, he was the only one that even wanted to talk to me...it was a really lonely period in my life.


Note that in reality you did have an affair with him for some time - if it is not still not going on! He was 'texting you to see how you were,' etc. - he was 'the only one that even wanted to talk to you'...

Why would no one else on earth want to talk to you? Have you insulted and turned away all the rest of humanity? If not - how come 'B' is 'the only one?' 



> Well, one night I just got really really drunk and he made a pass at me. My husband says he took advantage of me being in an emotional mess. All the while he was still hanging out with my husband.


You mention that 'B' 'made a pass at you' - yet you do not make any mention of an actual physical affair. Did you or did you not have sex with 'B' or did he simply 'make a pass at you'? 



> Now B was still married to his wife. B, my husband and the wh0re went out together a couple of times. Well one of those times they are got ridiculously drunk. My husband ended up having basically three minutes of drunk sex, while B was kissing her. I almost just threw up in my mouth. B is a pretty sick guy, but since his wife (who he is still enamored with) wouldn't touch him, he figured this was the only way to get back with her. So, my husband had a drunken one night stand with b's wife, and I had a drunken one night stand with B.


This is very confusing - you mentioned above that "B's" wife had 'up and left him.' Were they separated when this happened?

You mention that your husband and his wife 'went out' a couple of times. Was this when they were separated?

And you do mention that he had sex with her for '3' minutes. We all know that isn't true. He had sex with another man's wife. And you had sex with that wife's husband (is that correct?)

So each of you had an affair.



> But she is the kind of person my husband should be with.


Why is she the kind of person your husband should be with? 



> Meaning he looked through my phone and then told me that we were even since we both did the same thing...


So.....how did looking through your phone indicate to him that you were even?



> He left me then went and slept with a more attractive girl...


Right, so now....another woman? Or is the the w**** you mentioned above? 

This makes ABSOLUTELY no sense! Did he have an affair BEFORE he found out about your emotional affair on the phone - and then left to sleep with someone AGAIN? 

How could he say 'you were even' - _then_ leave to go sleep with someone - _and yet only have 'ONE' one-night stand? _



> I've had two kids and am heavy medicated... I want to stop feeling like this, I am manic depressive, bi-polar, and extremely jealous. Oh, God I feel like there is no hope, and it will never go back to the way it was (which is what I want)...sorry I am so winey, it hasn't been that long, and yes this is a sick twisted story.


You state that this is sick and twisted - do you consider your actions part of that 'sick and twisted' state?

Also - you mention the 'heavily medicated' - do you think that this may play a part in what happened? 

Why are you adding alcohol to an already toxic mix of drugs?

[/quote]I demand perfection and now that everything isn't perfect I feel like there is no hope.[/quote]

Do you provide this perfection for your husband, or is this something that you only demand of others, and of which you excuse yourself?

By what right do you demand perfection? Is that not a way of setting up things to fail so that you can then feel all bad about them?



> He is fine, we is ready to work through all this stuff. I was so torn up that I couldn't function. It might just take me a little longer. It could have been way worse, I realize that.


If you are ready to work on this, then why not get started? First step is to forgive your husband. (I am not saying 'FEEL' like he is forgiven. I am saying do the action.) And then act accordingly. 

If you are willing to work on this, then you need to go back to December. 

Here's the big question: Why did your husband leave home?



> And if I hadn't slept with someone else there is no way I could have stayed with him.


Why was there 'no' way - was your life in danger if you did not sleep with someone? Would one of you have died if you didn't? If not, then how can you say there was 'NO' way? 

Sleeping with someone else was wrong, plain and simple. You are using the actions of your husband to justify a wrong you did. But you are just as guilty as he is.

You argued that this other woman was a w**** - does she really take money for sex? Or did she sleep with someone other than her husband? I am making no judgments of you here - _I am simply trying to point out a double standard._ By calling her names, you make what she did (and what your husband did) an evil thing, and yet, all the while, you are justifying an _identical_ action on your part! 

There is no way you will ever get to any recovery in your marriage as long as you abide with this double standard. What BOTH of you did was wrong. Equally. You both did the exact same thing. And both had some sort of justification for it - as you'll see if you go back to look at what happened to cause your husband to leave in the first place.

An even more interesting point: you wrote above that your husband found evidence that you were having an affair on your phone - and then he used THAT as justification to sleep with another woman. Yet you claim that his sleeping with another woman justified your affair. 

_Just how does that work?_

One last question: Are you still in contact with 'B'

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Now playing: Carly Simon - Something Wonderful
via FoxyTunes


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

The purpose of my last post was to hold up a mirror. As I said, you spent most of your posts on your husband. And how you can't forgive him, when this board is much more effective in addressing the person who is actually doing the posting. As you said in your post. Your husband had 3 minutes of drunk sex. I noticed that you totally blew past the length of time you had sex with the other man. Did you spend the night in his arms? Were you at his house with his kids there? Or were you at your house with your kids there? You asked for help in trying to be able to forgive your husband. That is exactly what you are getting. Your unforgiveness is based on your attitude. Your attitude (and opinion) is that the sex you had with the OM is some how not as bad as the sex your husband had with the OW. Some other difficult question (and I am not calling you a *****). Did you use protection? As I mentioned b4, were there children around (in either his case or your case)? This whole time your husband was away, did you carry on an emotional affair with him? were you texting or sexting him? Did you ever tell B that you loved him (Your husband found out by checking your phone and seeing that you can't find out what a persons phone call was about, I would say that you were text/sexting? If so that is a whole different dynamic then what your husband did. You said he didn't even talk to her on the phone. Did you talk to b? Everything you have written says that you were much more attracted to this "cool" guy then your husband was to his wife. Which means that your relationship with B was much deeper then your husbands. In other words, I would classify your husbands cheating as a PA (physical affair) when yours was both an EA (emotional affair) and a PA. I personally doubt you respond to my post or tanelornpete's. It seems that you want to keep your unforgiveness. That would be really sad. I hope I am wrong and that you will start to realize that our posts, though very direct are meant to do one thing. Help you forgive and heal.

Here is another question. Could your husband have ever seen you looking longingly at B? Did you ever tell your husband that you were attracted to him. Is there anyway your husband might have felt that you were already in an emotional relationship with B? 

These questions are hard, but your ability to forgive and heal are based greatly on how you respond to them.


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## kalaina (Mar 29, 2010)

He left. No, I have a lot of friends, and a lot of people love me. It was just something no one would understand because they were in loving relationships. While he was gone I slept with B and he slept with her.. He came back on Jan 28. A few days into us being back together he went through my phone and found some of the texts messages b had sent me, which were all innocent. He asked me if anything happened. I didn't lie to him, I told him what happened. He said that well I guess we are even because he said he slept with her. I didn't talk to B until I was hurt and he was there for me, listening to me talk about my husband. I was hurt. What don't people get about that. I am not making it an excuse, but we all do stupid things when we are hurt or angry. and No neither of use speak to B. B and his wife have been separated since October. 

And I believe my husband when he said it was three min and he got nothing out of it, he didn't enjoy it and all he did was think of me and want me after. 

The girl that happened to be there when he was drunk was nerdy and wore the black frame glasses, liked amine, was really smart like he is. 

No I think my actions were sick and twisted as well. Do you think that I feel superior to all? I don't. I have had alot of things happen in my life and I just thought this would be the one thing that would be great. I would like things to be perfect, no I don't demand it. I am not hanging this giant gun over his head telling him to do things right or I'll leave. 

I drink once every three months. I am well monitored while on my medicine. And I am a very good mother and wife even though I need medication to get through my day. 

I said that if he had slept with someone else while we were separated I would have never come back to him. And he said he felt the same way, if I was the one sleeping with someone and he wasn't.

I am not justifying my actions, damn. I am simply venting. All I wanted were a few good things to help me through this. I never once said what I did was okay! And yes I was wrong. But everyone is telling me I have no right to feel sad, of course I do just like he does. 

I don't know what else to say other than I love him. I was just looking for some help and not looking to be torn apart.


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> I don't know what else to say other than I love him. I was just looking for some help and not looking to be torn apart.


Just to let you know, no one is trying to tear you apart. But your posts are very confusing and very unclear. Until there is some clarity no one can even tell what it is you are saying.

Trust me, I am _trying my best_ to help, and I am very good at it.



> All I wanted were a few good things to help me through this.


And you _are_ in the right place to get the help you want. But before there can be any help - we have to understand the problem itself, and you have been so vague about it that instead of being able to offer any help, we've had to ask questions over and over, and point out inconsistencies. Yes, there's a LOT that we can help you with. You have the opportunity to have a very happy and strong marriage.



> I didn't talk to B until I was hurt and he was there for me, listening to me talk about my husband. I was hurt. What don't people get about that. I am not making it an excuse, but we all do stupid things when we are hurt or angry.


As far as I know, no one posting here is missing the fact that you talked to 'B' - and it appeared that you were talking to him because you were hurt. The fact is, though, that this was an affair - an emotional affair, even before you slept with him. We are calling you on that to emphasize that the fact that you are angry at your husband for the same thing you did. 

Yes we all do stupid things when we are hurt or angry. You want people to understand that this is what you did - and you want them to be understanding and say nice things to you to help you feel better about it. And yet when your husband does it, you wish to hold it against him indefinitely. Again, that's an inconsistency that I am trying very hard to understand.

Here's a very unclear sentence:



> and No neither of use speak to B.


Are you saying that neither you, nor your husband are now in contact with 'B' in any way?



> And I believe my husband when he said it was three min and he got nothing out of it, he didn't enjoy it and all he did was think of me and want me after.


I don't believe it, and I doubt anyone else here does either. It takes longer than three minutes for everyone to agree to do the deed, and get started. And it is a common defense to deny it was pleasurable. Kind of like the drunk telling the arresting office he only drank 2 beers.

Again, 



> No, I have a lot of friends, and a lot of people love me. It was just something no one would understand because they were in loving relationships.


What is it that they needed to understand - that they can't - because they are in 'loving relationships?' (Again - this is to understand the problem, not to tear you apart.) Why wouldn't they understand? How do you KNOW they wouldn't - or, even better - empathize with you and give you some good advice on how THEY stay in a loving relationship?

My point - in an affair, you specifically find reasons to justify the behavior you want to do. Telling yourself the people that love you wouldn't understand is a means of justification.

Or - an option - were you wanting to fall into the arms of another man because of difficulties in your marriage, and they most likely would not approve of that?



> No I think my actions were sick and twisted as well. Do you think that I feel superior to all? I don't. I have had alot of things happen in my life and I just thought this would be the one thing that would be great. I would like things to be perfect, no I don't demand it. I am not hanging this giant gun over his head telling him to do things right or I'll leave.


First, I'm glad you feel the same way about your actions that you do about his. I was worried that you felt yours were necessary, while his were just plain wrong. 

However - do you feel superior to all? That's a question only you can answer. The fact that you can be glad he forgives you, but that you refuse to forgive him tends to create that impression (that is, what _I_ think). But I can only go on what you write here. And I'd rather be wrong on that.



> I drink once every three months. I am well monitored while on my medicine. And I am a very good mother and wife even though I need medication to get through my day.


And one of those 'quarterly' drinking times just happened to fall on you at the same time as there were troubles in your marriage? I have no idea about your skill as mother - but there are some issues about the wife part that may need some work.

Again, you need to go back to December - and then start looking backward. This did not just happen overnight. There was trouble brewing for a long time before this. It is THIS trouble that created the situation in which both you and your husband broke your commitment to one another and turned to other people.



> I said that if he had slept with someone else while we were separated I would have never come back to him. And he said he felt the same way, if I was the one sleeping with someone and he wasn't.


So, why is it different if you BOTH sleep with someone else? How does this change things?



> But everyone is telling me I have no right to feel sad, of course I do just like he does.


Look back over every post in this thread - you will _never_ find anyone telling you you have no right to feel anything. That isn't even the question, and by using such a defense, you are again deflecting the topic from the real issue. 

The question is this: why are you setting up a double standard? And that itself is not a mean question - it is specific - when you find out WHY you won't forgive you most likely will start to do so - you'll be on the road to happiness that you seek.


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Now playing: Carly Simon - All The Things You Are
via FoxyTunes


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree: 

Kalaina,

first regarding being on medication, my wife and I(and she won't mind me sharing this) has been on medication for bp and depression for about 25 years. So no one is saying anything about being on meds.

And as tanelornpete said, no one is trying to say you can't feel sad. 

You said that B was over every saturday. At some point a relationship developed between the two of you. You said you were drunk when you had sex. Drinking alcohol does not make you cheat. All alcohol does is reduce your inhibitions, so you end up doing what you wanted to do in the first place. 

The point Tane and I are trying to make is, that you did not have revenge sex because your husband slept with the OW. You had sex with B b4 you knew about your husband. 

The time frame when things started to fall apart between you and your husband directly coincide with the time that B came into your lives. Don't you find that strange? Considering the fact that you said: 

*"My husband started hanging out with this really cool guy this past October."*

That comment from your own post, about this cool guy, confirms that there was a connection between you and him from the beginning. You have not spoken about this. The point is, if I picked that up from one sentence. You don't think your husband did? You have not addressed what your fights and arguments were about. I would wager that your husband felt threatened by B and how you felt about him. Can you please respond to this.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

When you had private conversations with B, did he ever bad talk your husband? Say you deserve better? Tell you how wonderful you were? Tell you that your husband treated you badly?

Yours and your husbands cheating was a symptom of what was going in your marriage. And it started in October. Before that, you yourself said that you were in love and you laughed. Then B showed up, and your feelings changed.


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## kalaina (Mar 29, 2010)

I have never done one of these things before so sorry. My husband befriended B. We all would stay up late and talk. I never had feelings for B in a romantic way he was a friend, my husband was always the center of my world. So when I had to review divorce papers it broke my heart and I just became this person I didn't even know. I know this all sounds nuts. 

What happened between me and B, was a mistake and I know that. What happened between my husband and her was a mistake. I have had a little time to digest somethings since my husband and I went on vacation. I know we will be okay.

I just can't imagine how marriage after things like this is possible. I was raised strict southern Baptist. This kind of thing just doesn't happen unless you are in high school. I just don't know anyone personally that has been through this and that worries me. I love my husband and want everything to be okay. I just think sometimes was this a sign? Have we been swimming against the current? I think we were just to stressed out and frustrated from bills and kids and his job and my job and school. He said that he felt like us being together was causing all the problems, and that if we broke up that things would get easier. He said that was the dumbest thing he has ever done. 

We are back on track, and happy. But I get this really dark feeling every now and then that things were just to broken. 

And now I have hit a point that I don't even feel like its real. I feel like I blocked out that entire period of time. I am doing my best to push it into the furthest part of my mind. And I like it there. I acknowledge that it happened but I am choosing not to think about it....I think was the hardest thing I have ever done.


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

Sounds to me like your marriage is on very shaky ground, and you are hoping it will magically (mysteriously?) fix itself - as long as you hide your head in the sand. While I do not believe in chance at all, I will say this - there is a very strong likelihood that unless you actually begin work on your marriage, it will not last another five years.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree:


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## Keely (Apr 25, 2010)

The female brain is fully developed by 18 years of age so that a woman can raise children. The male brain does not reached full maturity until 27-28, so young men can act in silly ways in their early 20's, driving their cars fast, drinking too much alcohol, and generally not being ready to settle down in a marriage.

But guys don't like arguments, and I guess your husband walked out on your marriage because he couldn't handle them. He needed space.

If you don't forgive your husband, another girl will marry him before very long. Divorce is not a fun thing to do, you carry the scars for many years.

There is no future in playing the blame game. You have both had an affair, and you did not have a problem finding someone to sleep with other than your husband. 

If you want your marriage to get back on track, then you will have to forgive each other. If you won't forgive your husband, he will eventually walk out on you again and NOT COME BACK.

The Law of Attraction (and the DVD, The Secret) taught us to focus on only what we want. Start pretending that your marriage is happy again, and soon it will be. 

But if you keep thinking about the bad stuff, more bad stuff will appear. You get what you keep feeding.

Good luck.


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## kalaina (Mar 29, 2010)

Thank you. It has been a while since I posted anything. Things are great. I just learned that I had to stop being sad about it. I mean I have my bad days, but who doesn't. Things are looking up. My husband and I are happy. We both agreed that we didn't want our relationship to end. And I just hit a point where I didn't want to talk about how bad things were anymore. There are some days that I feel we shouldn't be together because of the mistakes we have both made. And that makes me feel horrible, I was raised to think marriages shouldn't have problems like infidelity. My stomach was turning thinking about logging in. I know alot of people deal with this. I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with an affair, I think that would have killed me. So I am going to enjoy the heck out of him until I can't any more. Thank you Keely, for those simple words of hope.


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