# wife was abused as a child HELP!



## TDM (Sep 30, 2011)

When I was five years old, i was a smart young boy living in a rural area. After kindergarden, the school decided to put me in grade 2 instead of grade 1. My parents both worked full time and i had found a sort of surrogate father in the neighbors 15 years old son. He was the one who taught me how to ride a 2 wheel bike, milk a cow, ride a horse, play darts, badminton. He fixed up an old pedal car he had when he was young and gave it to me. And that summer he changed my life forever. One day he took me in the woods behind the farm to play a game. It ended up with me tied up, blindfolded and gagged, no pants on, on my knees with my face in the grass. He proceeded to play with my genitals, perform analingus on me and sodomize me. I told my parents right away. That night his father took him to our house, where my father and his proceeded to beat him. I heard the whole thing from the basement.

Has is affected my life and my sexuality? Of course it has. I stayed pretty well adjusted, straight A marks until puberty. Then i fell apart. I managed to stay in school and keep decent marks, but i dabbled in any and every escape from the memory i could find. Alcohol, marijuana, LSD, magic mushrooms, cocaine.
Self esteem was something i had very little of. To this day, im not very comfortable getting naked. I wore my heart on my sleeve, and fell in love with any girl that took an interest in me. I had many 18 sexual partners before i met my wife.

My sexuality and ideas of physical intimacy are maybe a bit different to some. Actual penile-vaginal intercourse is quite low on my intimacy list. Kissing to me, is far more intimate. Having a partner who can kiss and explore my body melts away my shyness, my lack of self-esteem. Having the person I love kiss me all over and bringing me to climax is the most sensual, erotic experience i have found in life. And maybe im not that far off, What do most mating animals do? Dogs and cats lick and clean each others fur. Birds preen each other. Primates all explore their partners with their mouths.
Without these things that i feel are much more intimate, sex feels dirty to me. I cannot even maintain an erection in the 'doggie-style' position. 

So when I met my wife and we seemed to hit it off so well, when she told me she had been abused, forced to perform fellatio on her brother, my little voice said 'oh-no' in dismay. I shared my story of abuse and my sexuality. I explained that if she could get to the point of being able to kiss my body, and just kiss me down there that would be enough. I was fine if she never actually put it in her mouth, and didnt have to taste my ejaculate. She took it from there. She called all the shots and within a few months she was doing it regularly.

Four years ago, she did it 3 times in one week, completely on her own accord. A few months later she told me she could never do it again. So i started to pressure her about it. I asked her to go to MC, she refused, it wasnt until a year later that she had an EA and i was leaving that she went. I worked like mad on the marriage. She gathered reasons to justify her feelings.

So maybe my first post should have read, when abused woman meets abused man, patterns of abuse are inevitable. For those of u who jumped to the conclusion that i am some sort of predator who took advantage of a poor helpless victim, maybe u should get all the facts before u condemn someones soul.

At the end of the day, she left the relationship, made a huge unilateral change in our sex life, cheated and is still cheating. And she wants the house, the kids, the pets, everything.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Maybe you should have posted this in your original post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Sorry to hear of you and your wifes abuse.


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## TDM (Sep 30, 2011)

Yes pidge, i should have. Its tough for a man to expose his weaknesses.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

How would u have felt if she insisted on doggy style intercourse. Just trying to get u to feel some empathy for her. U both need individual counseling


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