# So confused



## mary31 (Apr 14, 2007)

Hi, 

I am Mary, and I just registered here, trying to find help. As soon as I read a few posts, I cried, because they all sound so familiar. 
I have been married for 8 years, and my husband has decided that he can't keep living from paycheck to paycheck, watching his family go without. We both work full time, and we barely make enough to cover everything. He says that we are going in reverse, and we are never going to get out of the hole that we are in. He has to borrow money from family just to get us fed sometimes, and its not like we are high maintenance, and live in a posh house with all the extras. We are very humble that way, live in a small home, have older paid off vehicles, and two kids that we try to provide for. There are times that I can't even get them the clothes that they need. We have been going through this for a long time, and I think that he has hit his breaking point. He thinks that he wants to leave us, so that we can do better without him. He feels that he cannot provide for us, and that he is holding us back. He has used the dreaded...I don't know if I am in love with you anymore, and I am not happy. My God, where did this all come from? He is depressed, I know it, and he will not seek a doctors help, he resents taking medicine and won't do it. I need some help. He drove off a few hours ago, gave me a kiss and told me dont call him, he will be back. He just needs some space to figure out what to do. In the meantime, I am stuck here with two little boys "holding the bag". I can't even cry because the kids whom are 7 and 8 would know that something was not right, and I do not want to involve them right now. I want us to work this out and not even have them affected by it. We don't fight, and our kids don't know that kind of thing, and I do not want them to feel bad or worried. I love him soooo much, and to think that he is considering leaving us breaks my heart, I am hysterical. I know what it is to have your heart physically ache. I have a head ache, and can't fathom the thought of him not wanting me anymore. He says that is part of it, and I am so devestated. How did I not see this coming? We have good sex, and it seems that he has eyes for only me, and he is good to me. He always tells me he loves me. I have had many medical issues, and have gained a lot of weight too, and I know that he is always very polite and loving about it...but..he really wants to tell me how he feels about it. He finally did today, and I am so ashamed that its gotten this bad for us. Money and health issues really know how to destroy what was once a very happy marriage and home.


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## DonnaL (Apr 10, 2007)

*Know how you feel.*

Dear Mary, I have been through a similiar experience, am still going through it in fact.Get your husband to get help, a GP is a good place to start.My husband is on meds and we are going to councelling together.He still is npot able to say he loves me in fact tells me he feels "emotionless" But I am convinced it is the depression that has made him lose sight of his love for me so I will support him and keep on letting him know how much I love HIM TO HELP US BOTH THROUGH.Try to stay positive and look after yourself, we have to be th e strong ones now .Good luck.Let me know how you get on.


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## mary31 (Apr 14, 2007)

Thank you so much for the advice. Things here are being to settle down again, and I am seeking counseling for us. I am bringing him around to that idea okay, so hopefully the GP issue and meds will be right around the corner. I appreciate you writing, I really rely on hearing that other women have been through this, you tend to feel really alone going through this. I was very surprised by talking with a few of my good co-workers that they all have very similar stories as well. Then you wonder why people don't understand the fellowship of women. Girlfriends get you through it!!


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## DonnaL (Apr 10, 2007)

Mary you are so right, girlfriends do get you through i dont know where i would be without my friends.I think this is why men find it so hard they dont talk to their friends not about this kind of stuff anyway, they bottle it up and then when the dam bursts this kind of thing happens.Thanks for sharing your experience it helps to know im not the only one to go through this.


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