# Hostility and Risk after D Day



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

I thought I might be past all this by now but I am staring at what is likely another collapse in an attempt to reconcile. Obviously I should have left her almost a year ago, but oh well. 

That said here is what I need help with. 

My wife can be very bitter and vengeful and I think she might get that way with through this process. I don't fear physical danger but she may be prepared to accuse me of things I did not do across the divorce proceeding and particularly while we are both still in the same residence. I have reasons to believe she was searching ways to put legal pressure on me before so she is more than capable of going that low.

I am trying to balance the risk of staying in the family home with what she might accuse me of (EG abuse) versus the risk of moving out of the home on the announcement of the divorce. I don't expect it will give her a stronger position in the divorce but she will be left with no incentive to move out--free rent. The house is in my name and is not community property. 

Is there any thoughts on what I can to do minimize the risk of false accusation? Like carry a digital recorder at all times?

For brevity, I am leaving some of the story out here, and I am asking you to take my word for it that I am not a bastard, but I really could use some feedback on this.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Carry a VAR on you at all times. Hide one or more in other places in the home. Keylog the family computer. Check with your lawyer or do a web search on whether your state is a one-party state (can record if at least one person knows they're being recorded). If you are single-party, your recordings are good for court. If not you can still record and it would be valuable in defending yourself against false accusations but probably couldn't be used to prosecute her.

Also you could get some video recorders and hide them. They make clock-radios and other normal objects with hidden cameras in them.

Never admit to the police that you touched your wife, even in self defense. Be the first to call, because the one who dials 911 first is presumed the victim. If your wife actually does hit you or break things, back off and dial 911. Video her with your phone if you can, and have that VAR going. You can even say "I am recording you" if you are not in a single-party state. If she is getting out of control she may not back off, and you'll have it all legally recorded.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Do your best to set up the house and schedules in such a way as you have as little interaction with her as possible. Sleep in a spare room, office, basement if you have to. Use a seperate entrance and bathroom if you can. In short, try to never see her when you are home, and try to schedule your time in the house at times she is normally at work or other activities. 

The less you see of each other, the less oportunity there will be for conflict to start.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do the VAR thing. And talk to a lawyer ASAP. If nothing else, it will demonstrate that any accusations your wife makes are after you started the divorce process (even if you don't file immediately). 

When you say the house is in your name, did you own it before getting married?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Ditto the VAR.

And immediately see a lawyer and strategize how to protect yourself. 

Do not telegraph your next moves to your wife in any way, shape or form. Secrecy and surprise will carry the day.


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