# Viagra might have made our problems worse



## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

My husband has limited to zero interest in sex. We have fought about it for several years now. I've tried everything - lingerie, porn, romance, talking, yelling, practically begging... to no avail. He has expressed that there is an erectile dysfunction thing involved. I haven't experienced that firsthand... When he DOES do it, I never notice an issue. Few months ago, his doc prescribed Viagra. He was pretty pumped about it (No pun intended). It was pretty amazing straight out of the gate. The cost, however, is high. Currently, $40 a DOSE. So we purchased it a few times, then money got tight. Back to square one, or even worse -- It's almost as if he no longer takes any personal responsibility for it. Like, "Well, no pill, no sex - not my fault." We literally just talked about this today... I was wearing sexy undergarments which he saw, made some sexual innuendo, I expressed interest... and... Nothing. He kept saying "Later on..." Then, boom - bedtime. He snores as we speak and I feel like my heart is breaking. I love the man immensely, but how long can I be expected to accept the status quo? It's getting worse now - not better. I'm growing seriously concerned that I may have to leave him. I don't even know what I'm searching for in this forum...I just have no one to talk to and I am hurting.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

*money got tight


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

Just to let you know you are not the only one who has experienced 
this and you are not alone. So you have to decide if you want to live the rest of your marriage in a sexless one. There is always self gratification....and other "things" he could do to help satisfy your needs. But if he's not willing and refusing to meet those needs for you, then he does not care about you or your needs as far as the marriage goes. So you have to decide if you are willing to live the rest of your life that way.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Its particularly difficult bc the man caters to my every other need. He's thoughtful and kind to me most of the time- over the top with it really - does a lot of little things for my general happiness and wellbeing. But when it comes to this, impasse. I'm very in love with him still, after 8 years together, and am absurdly attracted to him. I spend day after day feeling rejected and undesirable. I've been bitter and angry intermittently... but I'm starting to feel heartbroken - and that scares me. Heartbroken is a sign this may be it...


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

amazon.com/Automatic-Electric-Extender-Enhancer-Enlargement/dp/B079X3CJSN/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1520315943&sr=8-5&keywords=penis+pump


no more excuses...one time purchase

(I put a space between the m and a in amazon to break the hyperlink)


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

MLK22 said:


> Its particularly difficult bc the man caters to my every other need. He's thoughtful and kind to me most of the time- over the top with it really - does a lot of little things for my general happiness and wellbeing. But when it comes to this, impasse. I'm very in love with him still, after 8 years together, and am absurdly attracted to him. I spend day after day feeling rejected and undesirable. I've been bitter and angry intermittently... but I'm starting to feel heartbroken - and that scares me. Heartbroken is a sign this may be it...


Viagra can be purchased from off-shore pharmacies for an extremely reduced price. 

If the cost is the only set back..... you may find the link interesting.

There was a thread about it recently, may still be active.....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/411762-generic-viagra-here.html


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

The cost is a huge setback, for sure. But the way he has adopted this complacent disposition is what bothers me the most. I just think he's no longer interested in me. Feels like we are companions, and sometimes business partners, but not husband and wife...

He gives me a peck when he leaves out the door for work. I resent it. The whole thing feels disingenuous. 

I told him tonight, "This is getting really serious for me. This is a big deal. I feel like I'm BEGGING you, and it still doesn't help." He was literally asleep, 15 minutes later. 

He is so thoughtful in almost every other aspect in our life- pampering me beyond belief, which makes it super confusing. Sometimes I think he just doesn't want to be alone.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

You should have him read my thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/378298-getting-ready-drop-news.html


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

These are nothing but excuses to avoid an activity he doesn't want. He doesn't need a penis to please you. He's got fingers, a tongue, toys, etc. So either he's got a common male fixation that the penis is the be-all-end-all of sex, or he's not interested or too lazy to do other sexual things with you. Heck, if he wanted sex that badly he could get another job to afford the Viagra. He's not doing that, so what does that tell you about how much he values sex with you?

You need to figure out what's going on before you will know which way to proceed.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Oh, you said more while I was typing.



MLK22 said:


> The cost is a huge setback, for sure. But the way he has adopted this complacent disposition is what bothers me the most. I just think he's no longer interested in me. Feels like we are companions, and sometimes business partners, but not husband and wife...
> 
> He gives me a peck when he leaves out the door for work. I resent it. The whole thing feels disingenuous.
> 
> ...


Yep, sounds like he is no longer interested in sex (with you). There could be many reasons behind that. He's upping his game elsewhere to try to make up for it, but if he won't listen to what's important to YOU, then his goal is for his benefit (you not leaving) and not yours.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

I think it's true, and I think the heartache I'm feeling tonight is a signal that it's time to move on.

Edit: Not *is* but *could be*


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Cromer said:


> You should have him read my thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/378298-getting-ready-drop-news.html


I read this. It echoes so much of how I'm feeling.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

MLK22 said:


> I read this. It echoes so much of how I'm feeling.


My situation turned out f'd up but hey, I'm not sexless anymore. If I had continued to accept the status quo, I would still be in a dark place. If he's not taking it seriously, and not willing to do whatever it takes to help solve the problem with you, then don't let yourself become trapped in that Hell. I know the torture, all too well. Don't underestimate how it will change you, and not for the better.

ETA: The real issue is how he is so dismissive of this basic need for you.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

His love language is acts of service!

Hes showing you love hiscway.

Buy some cheap viagra online.

The next guy might bang you more frequently but be an ass in every other way.

Tough call.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

I've never taken Viagra and I have never had ED, however when I had prostatitis my doctor did prescribe some drug for blood-flow that had this side effect. I noticed that it didn't make your horny though. It basically just gave you an erection, so the desire still had to be there. Maybe he has Low T which is not really the same thing as ED although can be related. 

Also where I live drugs are cheap and much less controlled. If price is really the issue maybe you could find another source. For the equivalent of $40 bucks I could get a bottle of the pills I was taking.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Has he had his testosterone checked?


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> His love language is acts of service!
> 
> Hes showing you love hiscway.
> 
> ...


I have read a little about this and it does apply, very much actually, to him. I'm struggling so much though- with feeling like I'm undesirable. It has been steadily crushing me. And I go back and forth from, "Ok, this is a genuine medical issue and I should be kind and patient - after all- he's such a good husband in so many other regards" to "Why should my husband need extra help to want me? Would he need extra help if I was 24? No, it's me. He's just done w me."


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

manwithnoname said:


> Has he had his testosterone checked?


I don't recall. His doc did a full workup, but I don't know if that was part of it.

Also, and here's a pretty jacked up testament to our big pharma situation, the same pills prescribed for him can be $8 a dose, if written for a different condition. But when written for a man with ED, the price goes waaay up.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It sounds like the Viagra is a psychological crutch - he doesn't really need it, but thinks he does. There are overseas sources where you can buy it in quantity for less than $1 per 100mg pill - do some google searches, but look for independent reviews of the companies. And Viagra has recently become available as a generic, so now you may be able to buy it locally for less.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> MLK22 said:
> 
> 
> > Viagra can be purchased from off-shore pharmacies for an extremely reduced price.
> ...


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

MLK22 said:


> Yes.... offshore would be a better choice. Funny pills like Viagra were once.... dirt cheap.
> 
> But the Unholy Trinity was formed...... doctors, pharmaceuticals, and health insurance companies.
> 
> ...


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> MLK22 said:
> 
> 
> > Yes.... offshore would be a better choice. Funny pills like Viagra were once.... dirt cheap.
> ...


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

Tell your doctor to prescribe Revatio. I get 90 tablets and they are 20 mg each for $30. 90 tablets last quite a while.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

241happyhour said:


> Tell your doctor to prescribe Revatio. I get 90 tablets and they are 20 mg each for $30. 90 tablets last quite a while.


Did this, as suggested by our pharmacist. Doc refused. Said Revatio, though the medication is the same, is for a different condition - one that my husband does not have. After returning to talk to the pharmacist, he was a little surprised. He did say, 'Some doctors do have an issue with it, some don't.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

How old is he? What sort of shape is he in?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

MLK22 said:


> Did this, as suggested by our pharmacist. Doc refused. Said Revatio, though the medication is the same, is for a different condition - one that my husband does not have. After returning to talk to the pharmacist, he was a little surprised. He did say, 'Some doctors do have an issue with it, some don't.


Time to change PCPs...... or he call the Dr. and state, this is what I want (Revatio)

period. No script..... change PCPs.... a Dr. is there for his/her patients, not the GD pharmaceuticals


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> MLK22 said:
> 
> 
> > Did this, as suggested by our pharmacist. Doc refused. Said Revatio, though the medication is the same, is for a different condition - one that my husband does not have. After returning to talk to the pharmacist, he was a little surprised. He did say, 'Some doctors do have an issue with it, some don't.
> ...


HEARD THAT. Our doc just retired. Going to give the replacement a shot to fix it -- wants him back in for an appointment first. Scheduled, doc office canceled and rescheduled for freaking May.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

manwithnoname said:


> How old is he? What sort of shape is he in?


44 years- pretty healthy. Active at work.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

MLK22 said:


> HEARD THAT. Our doc just retired. Going to give the replacement a shot to fix it -- wants him back in for an appointment first. Scheduled, doc office canceled and rescheduled for freaking May.


Walk in 15 minutes before lunch or before closing time. He will be seen.

That's what I do, I refuse to wait two hours or three months to see someone who enjoys their yacht 

at the expense of my hard earned coin. But that's me.....


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

I have a couple of friends who get the liquid Cialis online. They have been using it for a couple of years now and they said it worked. I tried a bottle of it one time from them and it worked great. It’s $27 for a bottle and it lasts a while.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

Or get some aspirin type pill and dip them witg some blue dye. Give it to him in a dim light room, and come strong!

I just got a check up, as I'm almost 50. Everything tuened out fine, I asked my doc about checking my T.levels, he asked a few question, if im tired, low energy. NO. low libido NO, just wanted to check. 
Called me almost a week later asking the above same questions, I swear he has a script, he tells me I should see a endocrinologist, as it appears my testosterone levels are low never gave me any score, numbers, nothing... I feel like he's trying to help out one of his cronies buy new house. 
I can never get enough sex, just the other night my wife wakes me up and says wana do it! I was like SURE! 

I'm really afraid to think what if I was running on all cylinders then what?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Since I started this thread, we've had 2 more bad nights of arguing over this. He SAYS he'll call the doctor back to schedule sooner, then he doesn't. Tonight, after a relatively nice evening laying in bed talking and laughing, he says, "Turn over and I'll hit it from the back." THE **** IS THAT. Can I get a little kissing? A few moments of intimacy? So I say, "That's not what I've been asking for. I need more. Some love and intimacy and possibly a little foreplay first. He angrily says, "I can't win". Few minutes of laying there, angry with each other, and he starts snoring. 

I'm so over this.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Every other single thing is there, minus a few relatively normal marital complaints... butI can't live this way, and it's really starting to feel hopeless.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

MLK22 said:


> Since I started this thread, we've had 2 more bad nights of arguing over this. He SAYS he'll call the doctor back to schedule sooner, then he doesn't. Tonight, after a relatively nice evening laying in bed talking and laughing, he says, "Turn over and I'll hit it from the back." THE **** IS THAT. Can I get a little kissing? A few moments of intimacy? So I say, "That's not what I've been asking for. I need more. Some love and intimacy and possibly a little foreplay first. He angrily says, "I can't win". Few minutes of laying there, angry with each other, and he starts snoring.
> 
> I'm so over this.


The problem is your husband is a terrible lover. If he could get hard as a rock on command...he is still going to be garbage in bed.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

He hasn't always been this way. In fact, the chemistry used to be insane for me, and he used to be attentive. Feels like he has just given up. We talk it to death, and nothing changes. He knows how much J adore him, and I think he's very comfortable thinking I'm not going anywhere. I think he needs a body pillow or a golden retriever, cause snuggling seems to be his biggest interest these days.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Please read my thread.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Cromer said:


> Please read my thread.


Well I suck at navigating this site ? Can you link it, or tell me where to find it?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

uuummm....if that is the case he needs to get that doctors appointment. Perhaps try a toy to get you through the dry spells? Try coming off as concerned for the both of 
you in a genuine way. It make not put him on edge or get his guard up.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Cromer said:


> Please read my thread.


Actually, I just realized you did link it, and I read it the other day. It echoes a lot of my feelings.


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

Mr.Married said:


> uuummm....if that is the case he needs to get that doctors appointment. Perhaps try a toy to get you through the dry spells? Try coming off as concerned for the both of
> you in a genuine way. It make not put him on edge or get his guard up.


I've literally done this. He says all the right things- with zero follow through. Also, a toy doesn't cut it when you are missing intimacy with the one you love.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

MLK22 said:


> I've literally done this. He says all the right things- with zero follow through. Also, a toy doesn't cut it when you are missing intimacy with the one you love.


Good point ......Have you both tried taking "The 5 love Languages" quiz online to identify each of your needs in the way you feel loved?


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