# its me again...after I found out about two years ago that my husband cheated on me.



## pegasus (Oct 29, 2012)

She has moved on and got married and just had her baby with the new husband. 
So me and my husband goes out tonight, he tells me ( to test me as he says) that she let him know that she had a baby. Now I'm not so happy that they stayed friends after the cheat. He says he is proud that they could still be friends and are doing nothing wrong. Both of them being sorry that they did it two years ago. But decided they wont hurt their partners. Said sorry and moved on. But stayed friends. He insisted that they will always be friends. At the time I did not like it. Felt that all contact should end. Now I feel the same but he feels that I am in the wrong. They are only friends and I should just ac ept it. I was badly hurt when the cheat happened and is hurt by the fact that they still have contact. Now I am the basket case and should grow up. Im I wrong? Expecting they should have stopped the friendship. I feel very hurt to tonight and although we have had good times si ce I cannot accept it and now I am the one in the wrong....why???? So tired of this it is not fair!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

pegasus said:


> He says he is proud that they could still be friends and are doing nothing wrong. But stayed friends. *He insisted that they will always be friends*. At the time I did not like it. Felt that all contact should end. Now I feel the same but *he feels that I am in the wrong*. *They are only friends and I should just ac ept it.* I was badly hurt when the cheat happened and is hurt by the fact that they still have contact. Now I am the basket case and should grow up. *Im I wrong? Expecting they should have stopped the friendship*.


No, you're not wrong to expect your husband to respect you enough to sever ties with the woman he chose to cheat on his marriage with. 

He is the one who has lost his damn mind.

If the situation were flipped, and you were telling him you will never end contact with the man you cheated on him with--that he needs to accept it just like that, I can guarantee you, he would be singing a different tune.

And rightly so.

Because it's bullsh!t.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Hes proud with the fact he stayed friends with her WTF...... .

What is there to be proud about???.

I agree with you, the contact should of ended..... does not matter of the outcome of the affair either.

Its not fair, and NO i do not think you need to grow up, he does.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Your post from November 2012:

*This is my 1st post - not sure if I'm doing it right. He refuses to end the friendship - says that they are both working on their relationships and realise that they've done wrong. What I don't like about the firendship is that they sometimes eat together and share their stories about their partners. Now he stops telling me anything about her - beacuase I went on about it. I sometimes think - what the heck I should just end it - although we still feel for each other and are working at the relationship. Sometimes I'm just so tired of all this crap. So he is not budging on the friendship - and I told him as long as the friendship is on - that is how long it is going to take to get right. I'm still angry.*





Your post from January 2013: 

*My husband thinks I am crazy. I blew my lid after I found out that he lend money to the woman he cheated me with. He says he just helped her. I don't like it - the affair has been over - but I don't like it. He say he is doing a good deed. I called her and told her to stop borrowing money from us - I threatened to tell her boss and get a interdict - she works with my husb (they have to). Now I am the crazy person and the one in the wrong. All the progress we made is back to 0 again. I don't want him to do that and he says he is not stoping - we are not getting anywhere with this - accrding to him I'm pathetic,crazy,edemon posessed and a lot of other things. What now?*




He cheated on you. Then treats you like crap with his anger issues, and will not end this friendship. He gave her money, etc after his A saying it is the right thing to do. You keep getting upset about this and you have been complaining on TAM since 2012 about this. STOP!!!!!! It is time to put on your big girl boots and kick his bum out the door. Yes I said bum, my sister in law is from SA and my two brother in laws and her are going back to SA next month for a visit. I am serious, you have put up with enough nonsense with him remaining friends with her and it is time to thump his bum.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Also tell him you are getting a witch doctor to put a spell on him to make his pee pee fall off.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you are not willing to divorce him over this, then you have no leverage here. Tell him it's either you or her. There's NO way he can have both. Then follow through and divorce him. 

No freaking way should you be putting up with this crap from him. NO FREAKING WAY.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Christ, the way he's rubbing your face in it too just makes my blood boil and I don't even know you!! I can't imagine how you can stand to even be in the same room as him!!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You have the right to your own boundaries. You have the right to determine what is right for you, and what is not acceptable to you.

You have the right to tell your husband it is UNacceptable that he have any ongoing contact with this woman (or anybody else).

He also has the right to disagree with you. He has the right to continue contact with her if he wants to.

Which puts the ball in your court. What consequences are you willing to apply if he has contact with her? Are you willing to end your relationship with him? Or are you only willing to complain to him?

If you're just going to complain, he may put up with you for a long time while still keeping contact with her. But if you are willing to end the marriage he will be forced to make a decision either you or her.

My personal opinion, no more valid than yours or anyone else's, is that he is very wrong to keep contact with her. I think it is harmful to any marriage to keep contact with any ex, with very very few exceptions. I also think I would be as upset as you are if I were in your place.

Why do you stay with him? What makes the pain worth it to you?


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

That is usually the script of the WS...the "we are just friends", the making you feel like you are being paranoid, the "what is wrong with YOU?", the "what is wrong with having a friend", etc. etc. etc. etc.

Yep most of us on here have heard the same BS. That is so disrespectful to you that he thinks nothing is wrong with staying friends with his AP...what a friggin idiot!


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

He is so far off base he's in another ballpark. Send him to the minors


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He and she are still hurting you and *you* should grow up? :scratchhead:

They cheated and the only consequence was... oh... ummm... there *was* no consequence, was there?

They get to have an affair and retain a lovely friendship.

What are they? Star-crossed teenagers?


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

You have been on TAM for a couple of years and you already know that no contact, NC is an ESSENTIAL step in R. 

He has been treating you like an idiot for far too long. The only way to resolve this is to get D papers (and not just threaten divorce), give them to him and tell him it's either you or his 'friend'. That will give you your answer. BUT you must get D papers, you must mean it and you must be prepared to follow through. 

What does her new husband think of all this?
Tell him IMMEDIATELY if he doesn't know and tell him EVERYTHING. 

Pegasus, it's time for action and you know it.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

This guy has a different moral compass altogether.


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## Mrs Alone (Feb 9, 2014)

Wow! I can't believe how p!ssed off I was when I read your post. Sorry to speak badly of your husband but he is WAY out of order! How dare he even suggest that you are the one with the issue here?!

And this sh!t about being proud?! melw is right! This is nothing to be proud of! When he puts your needs first and does everything in his power to prove to you that he wants to make amends for what he has done, then he can be proud. For now, he is just an ass!


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## KeepingUpAppearances (Jul 14, 2013)

No he's 100% wrong and I am sorry you are going thought that. My husband did the same thing to me we fought about it. They continued contact for several years behind my back. I found inappropriate emails between them also.

No he can not have a friendship with the woman he cheated on you with. My husband was behaving like she was and ex girlfriend. Totally ingnoring the pain he caused me. Nip that in the bud. He has to prove himself to you.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive but I find this a little bit funny. I mean its totally LAUGHABLE that people stay in terrible relationships where nothing changes and then get upset when their noses are rubbed in it. Because that's what he is doing- rubbing your nose in the fact that he got to have his affair and remain 'friends' with his wh0re. 
You need to 'man up' and kick this loser out. 
And stay single for a while, at least while you get some conselling to help with your self esteem issues.
Good luck.


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