# Mental breakdown of DW after D-day



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Recently I've noticed more and more stories where the DW(WW) suffers a mental breakdown - and often tries to commit suicide - after the affair is exposed and her husband expresses the desire to divorce her.

Numb Badger
Ahhhhman
Wanabelee
Badblood
Oldmittens
morituri

Are some of us husbands whose wives who had a mental breakdown after we told them that we were going to divorce them. Though in my case, the mental breakdown of my ex-wife came a year and a half after the divorce became finalized.

While it is tempting to say that the karma bus ran over them, it is still horrific to witness the self destruction of the woman who once meant the world to us and more so when there are children involved.


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

Its even worse when you have doubts about whether its a sincere attempt or just a defense to deflect your attention away from their EA. My WW "cut" her arms up with just surface scrapes from a razor blade and it tore me up initially. She said she would "never really kill herself" to which I replied "Sincere attempt or not, I care about you and if I see it happening again I'll be forced to take it seriously and get you help" meaning unless you want to spend time in the psyche ward, cut the ****. But it was always in the back of my mind from then on, and I still hope she never has a sincere attempt.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Santofimio said:


> Its even worse when you have doubts about whether its a sincere attempt or just a defense to deflect your attention away from their EA. My WW "cut" her arms up with just surface scrapes from a razor blade and it tore me up initially. She said she would "never really kill herself" to which I replied "Sincere attempt or not, I care about you and if I see it happening again I'll be forced to take it seriously and get you help" meaning unless you want to spend time in the psyche ward, cut the ****. But it was always in the back of my mind from then on, and I still hope she never has a sincere attempt.


That is still pretty scary behavior on the part of your WW. More so considering that a DW(WW) words mean nothing but their actions speak volumes. I truly hope she seeks IC.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

I'll let Pidge tell about her breakdown if she wants too.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

I, for one, was as shocked by her attempt as I was by her affair. It brought home to me that I didn't know the real her at all.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

So what can we do when we see the train wreck coming? My exh still lives in the same house, goes to counseling once a month and is taking some antidepressants. However, he sleeps till 2pm on days he works afternoon, and is becoming more erratic with his behavior as the weeks pass. Just the other night he debated why I was a lazy wife with my 11 year old daughter, she was trying to defend me. He said he was just being sarcastic, but it hurt me and angered the kids all the same.

He does have a history of a suicide attempt, and I'm worried how things will further deteriorate in the new year when the house is listed and sold.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

This has been on my mind recently and this thread seems to be right on time.
This is the 5th time we have been separated and none of those times did she ever show the least bit of worry or concern though we have been married for 38 1/2 years.
The divorce hearing is in 2 days from now. But if you know my story you will know that I have let her rug sweep and have asked her back everytime she has left. I really think she is case hardened towards me and may never feel any remorse or worry. She gets such strength and support from attention from other men that she will never feel sorrow because of her actions and losing me. And also,where I have never exposed her flirtings and cheating,none of the family has came against her so they all offer her support while she demonizes me for being jealous. I seriously think she can feel no guilt,shame,or sorrow for her infidelity and she won't hurt until the next man she has finds her out and dumps her. Then she may see that she had a good man in me and then she may go thru depression and have suicidal thoughts. But I doubt it,she is very hard hearted towards admitting guilt and feeling any shame.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> I'll let Pidge tell about her breakdown if she wants too.


I'm not sure I want to talk about it in an open forum. If anyone wants to know just pm me. I may change my mind and post it, not sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

It's a bloody eye opener, that's for sure.
Since that event, I've told her that if we fail to make it as a couple, I would still care about her wellbeing and wouldn't want her to go downhill again.
But.......as cold as it seems, I can't let the idea that she may go off the rails prevent me from filing if that's what I feel I need to do to move on.
It's not a nice sight, and makes an already painful process even more complex, unpleasent and unpredictable. One half has no sympathy whatsoever, but the other half thinks - no, that punishment outweights the crime.
Believe it or not.


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

My husband actually put his gun up to his head. This was several years ago.

My children were asleep. I was so angry. I told him to go ahead and pull the trigger, then I said wait, not yet. Let me get our son, so he can watch. Then when he goes through hard times in life, he can follow in his fathers footsteps and eat lead instead of standing up like a man and handling his $hit. 

I REALLY DID. I even called for our son. 

I wasn't puttin up with the fake crap.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

madwoman said:


> My husband actually put his gun up to his head. This was several years ago.
> 
> My children were asleep. I was so angry. I told him to go ahead and pull the trigger, then I said wait, not yet. Let me get our son, so he can watch. Then when he goes through hard times in life, he can follow in his fathers footsteps and eat lead instead of standing up like a man and handling his $hit.
> 
> ...


Fake? When my wife was found, she was unconscious and it took EMT's several minutes to get a good pulse. Nothing fake about it.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Mine had been admitted to a psychiatric ward and held under the MHA. She was only allowed out if released into my care. I had to sign to let her out and keep in contact with the Docs there. She is still using meds and is in contact with the Psy nurses & docs on a bi-weekly basis.
Nothing fake here either.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

madwoman said:


> My husband actually put his gun up to his head. This was several years ago.
> 
> My children were asleep. I was so angry. I told him to go ahead and pull the trigger, then I said wait, not yet. Let me get our son, so he can watch. Then when he goes through hard times in life, he can follow in his fathers footsteps and eat lead instead of standing up like a man and handling his $hit.
> 
> ...


What if he had called your bluff and blown his head off in front of your son?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

They found my ex-wife unconscious on her bed with an opened bottle of Trazedone (an AD) in her hand. She also was sent to a psychiatric hospital for a few weeks and then released under the care of her parents. Nothing fake about that either.



cheatinghubby said:


> madwoman said:
> 
> 
> > I wasn't puttin up with the fake crap
> ...


Then she would have to explain to the authorities why she chose to inflict that kind of emotional abuse on her young son.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

morituri said:


> They found my ex-wife unconscious on her bed with an opened bottle of Trazedone (an AD) in her hand. She also was sent to a psychiatric hospital for a few weeks and then released under the care of her parents. Nothing fake about that either.
> 
> 
> 
> Then she would have to explain to the authorities why she chose to inflict that kind of emotional abuse on her young son.


My brother's wife (the BS) was found hanging from a rope. Didn't make it. I don't gamble with suicide threats. If I wanted to call a bluff, I'd do it via psych ward. If sick they get help - if bluffing - a few hours - days or weeks assessment would cure them from pulling that stunt again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

This is a very good thread for this forum,should have been thought of a long time ago.
I will admit that I myself tried to kill myself by OD'ing once when the wife and I were having major problems. It was either right before one of our breakups or right after,can't remember.
I had been thinking about what she might go thru once we do divorce before this thread was started.
I think she has no respect for me at all. But,once she is loose and free,my gut feelings and intuition are telling me that she is going to hit rock bottom when she finds out that those guys that always flirted with her and used her are fake and have been decieving her with their fronts of caring about her and how they will make her a happy woman being with them. I do believe that she has no idea of what it will be like and is like a little 12 year old girl that's living in a fairytale world with all the bs that other guys have been feeding her.
And in a way,I can't wait untill she is done wrong and cheated on or dumped. OP,everyone,please forgive me for this but I do hope to see her on the verge of total desparation and contemplating suicide. I WILL come to her and try to help her when she does. But deep inside my gut I really worry about her because I know that she will come to this after the way she has done me. She never dated much if any before we met and she is on a foot loose and fancy free fling right now. But karma is going to get her,I feel it in my soul so strong that she is going to be shamed and awakened when the real world catches up with her. I do believe that she will be so disappointed and hurt because of her wrongs and hopes of doing better after dogging me that she has no idea of what she will find and what will come to her now. This is probably the very thing that makes WW's hit skid row after leaving a man that was good to them just to pursue lust and some idiot that promises them the moon.
Most of the time,cheating married women are viewed as great catches but only as a disposble throw away f^*k by the guys that are sweet talking them. And she is a total fool for these guys lies.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I see f-103's 50 smelly cats scenario on her horizon.


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> It's a bloody eye opener, that's for sure.
> Since that event, I've told her that if we fail to make it as a couple, I would still care about her wellbeing and wouldn't want her to go downhill again.
> But.......as cold as it seems, I can't let the idea that she may go off the rails prevent me from filing if that's what I feel I need to do to move on.
> It's not a nice sight, and makes an already painful process even more complex, unpleasent and unpredictable. One half has no sympathy whatsoever, but the other half thinks - no, that punishment outweights the crime.
> Believe it or not.


I 100% agree that it makes an already painful process even more complex, unpleasent and unpredictable. 

I was traumatized after having to chase my W through the house to take a razor blade from her hand, and then seeing the cut marks on her wrists. Even though she called her own bluff by saying that she couldn't/wouldn't actually go through with it, I was never capable of dealing with my emotions in the right way after that and was constantly trying to hold them back in fear that she wasn't bluffing. Like you said, in a way, part of me would have rather buried her EA completely if the opposite would cause her to commit suicide. It goes without saying that my resent for her grew deeper at the thought of her even bluffing something as serious as suicide but because she had already planted that seed in my mind, I buried that portion of resentment as well on account of fear.

I feel it directly contributed to me deciding to file. If I stayed with her out of fear that she would commit suicide if I left, I'd probably be the one considering suicide somewhere down the line.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Santofimio said:


> I 100% agree that it makes an already painful process even more complex, unpleasent and unpredictable.
> 
> I was traumatized after having to chase my W through the house to take a razor blade from her hand, and then seeing the cut marks on her wrists. Even though she called her own bluff by saying that she couldn't/wouldn't actually go through with it, I was never capable of dealing with my emotions in the right way after that and was constantly trying to hold them back in fear that she wasn't bluffing. Like you said, in a way, part of me would have rather buried her EA completely if the opposite would cause her to commit suicide. It goes without saying that my resent for her grew deeper at the thought of her even bluffing something as serious as suicide but because she had already planted that seed in my mind, I buried that portion of resentment as well on account of fear.
> 
> I feel it directly contributed to me deciding to file. If I stayed with her out of fear that she would commit suicide if I left, I'd probably be the one considering suicide somewhere down the line.


In your case, it was all part of her performance.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/35615-great-acting-performances.html


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I've noticed that some of these breakdowns occur in long time marriages where there were very few marital issues, the wife seemed happy (maybe due to compartmentalization) with her life and husband. The divorce filing by her husband was an inconceivable thought. Nobody likes to be dumped, but it seems that women have a harder time than men.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

morituri said:


> I've noticed that some of these breakdowns occur in long time marriages where there were very few marital issues, the wife seemed happy (maybe due to compartmentalization) with her life and husband. The divorce filing by her husband was an inconceivable thought. Nobody likes to be dumped, but it seems that women have a harder time than men.


Especially those of us that are "disordered". My attempt wasnt my first in my lifetime but, it was the last.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> Especially those of us that are "disordered". My attempt wasn't my first in my lifetime but, it was the last.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And unsuccessful, thank God.

Numb Badger nailed it when he said "that punishment outweighs the crime".


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> What if he had called your bluff and blown his head off in front of your son?






Badblood said:


> Fake? When my wife was found, she was unconscious and it took EMT's several minutes to get a good pulse. Nothing fake about it.




In my case, it was total manipulation. He had snuck out of the house the night before totally naked, dressed in the car, and didn't return until 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. I was kicking him out. I knew why he was doing it. Several months later he did it again. Fortunately, I had taken all the ammo out of the house. When he did it this time, I knew it was real. I then took all the weapons out of the house. Don't get me wrong it was very hard. 

I don't know why the first time made me so mad, and I didn't even think about my reaction. I just reacted. He has told me several times since then that doing it actually saved his life. He has a brother with a different father who committed suicide. His brother has attempted several times when life has gotten hard. We had discussed several times how once someone committs suicide more family members choose the same out. It made him snap out of it. 

He may have tendencies that make him a crappy husband, but he is a WONDERFUL father. He said it made him think of our son killing himself, and how it would be his fault.

My son never knew it happened, and wouldn't have woken up. He didn't wake up during a tornado. I would never have allowed him in the room. 

He came home from Iraq with PTSD very severe. He has contemplated suicide during flares. He says that each time he imagines our son being there, and the intent evaporates. 

He hasn't used it as a manipulation since. I have an emergency plan in place for when he begins displaying. But now that he has his meds right, it hasn't come up in awhile. He goes to counseling, and that helps.


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

Santofimio said:


> I 100% agree that it makes an already painful process even more complex, unpleasent and unpredictable.
> 
> I was traumatized after having to chase my W through the house to take a razor blade from her hand, and then seeing the cut marks on her wrists. Even though she called her own bluff by saying that she couldn't/wouldn't actually go through with it, I was never capable of dealing with my emotions in the right way after that and was constantly trying to hold them back in fear that she wasn't bluffing. Like you said, in a way, part of me would have rather buried her EA completely if the opposite would cause her to commit suicide. It goes without saying that my resent for her grew deeper at the thought of her even bluffing something as serious as suicide but because she had already planted that seed in my mind, I buried that portion of resentment as well on account of fear.
> 
> I feel it directly contributed to me deciding to file. If I stayed with her out of fear that she would commit suicide if I left, I'd probably be the one considering suicide somewhere down the line.


Like you the threat of them going off and actually doing it has effected me tremendously. When I want to talk about our issues, I am forced into silence because in the back of my mind the whole gun in the mouth thing is there. I have deep resentment of my mental prison. I love life, and the thought of my commiting suicide is something very alien. 

It's maybe the biggest reason I haven't left. My son will never have that example of how to deal with hard times if I can help it. I don't know where my resentment will take me. It has changed me. I try to remain positive, but it's hard. He knows it is an advantage to him, my fear. It keeps me chained until he decides to move on. It's something I haven't brought up in IC yet. That's how scared I am of him doing it. I'd rather be chained than have my son exposed to suicide.


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