# New Info...what to do??



## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Okay Guys, so I got some new info into what happened in my marriage (I really should change my name on this thing in the event she finds my postings...anyway, who cares).

So my wife REALLY loved me in September. She wanted to get my attention and make me work harder on the marriage and admit to an affair that I did not have. So, she found an online life coach who told her to cut off all communication with me, to tell me that she would not be home this weekend (weekend of Sept. 15). She did and when she did I blew up. I thought back to all of the times she deserted me in the past. She told the life coach that this would probably be my reaction and she was unsure about doing it, but the life coach insisted. (My wife really does not think on her own). So my wife told me I will not be seeing her this weekend. I call her to ask her why and she just said she needs time to herself. I say okay, but later get pissed and send her a text telling her that me and the kids deserve better, that she cannot go back and forth on us like this (she told me this on Friday that we would not be seeing her after work through Monday and my daughter was looking forward to having her tacos). So I told her to just go her way (out of anger. I know I was wrong).

So my wife runs back and tell her life coach. The life coach calls me immature with low self esteem and poor communication skills (this is Sept. 15). My wife says, "that sounds like me". The coach tells her that she seems like a strong woman and that she should start dating immediately. My wife tries to resist telling her that she still loves me, but the life coach insists. She tells her to keep her distance from me. And she recommends a book for her to read about getting rid of stalkers.

She basically coaches her to be on her own (like she was dating someone) that I am a monster, she literally called me demeaning. Later, a month later, the coach asks her if I am marriage material. And guess what she says? No. And guess why? Because I am immature with low self esteem and poor communication skills. She took exactly what the coach said about me and internalized to where she actually believed it! My wife always praised me for my ability to communicate. Anyone who knows me knows that I exude with confidence. I come across as ****y and I have been trying to tone that down a bit, but low self esteem?? And immature. She would tell me how I am mature beyond my years. Yet now she actually believes I am immature.

So she is not sleeping with anyone. She is trying to find herself. Here is what her goals are, in her own words, "I don't have a well rounded life. My marriage is over and the void I am left with is huge because I made him my center. I am setting a goal to let go of my attachment to Solon and move on with my life. I have a vision of the life that I want to build. I see myself having a circle of friends that I spend time with, a hobbie that I enjoy, building on my career, building self esteem (finding myself and learn how to become Mrs. Right), finding Mr. Right and loving him fully without losing myself (but just casually dating for now), and having God at the center of it all."

Wow! Talk about one confused woman! How can she ditch her family, seek a life for herself, and claim to have God in the center of it all????

What should I do at this point? Seriously?


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

So what should I do?


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

should?

what do you want to do?

if her life coach got the wrong idea it's either that they are an idiot with an axe to grind (not an impossibility) or that your spouse's impression of you gave them that idea.

be kind. move forward. don't be anybody's doormat. you can do this without severing your ties further; but only you can know if that's the appropriate response.

more information is still no information. it's not what they say; it's what they do. well intentioned dithering from afar doesn't do anyone any favors.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Sounds like a load of bullsh*t to me.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Sounds like a load of bullsh*t to me.


It is. This life coach is a marriage hater and sounds like she it out to destroy marriages. But if my wife is so naive that she is blindly following her, do I drop the hammer on her? Or allow time to go by and she come to.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Solon said:


> Or allow time to go by and she come to.


Really?

Hell no.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

What qualifications does one have to have to be a life coach exactly? To recommend that someone leave a relationship and immediately start dating is the height of lunacy. And how does she define 'mature'? Someone who leaves her kids behind to find herself? Um, yeah.

Unfortunately, you can't force your wife to start thinking for herself if she hasn't gotten to that point by this time in her life. 

You know that you can't make her do or see or realize anything. She either gets there on her own, or she doesn't. You work on you and on being the best father you can for your kids. That's all you can and should do. 

It's got to be frustrating as hell, but you don't really have a choice.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Solon......you are being played. Now, she blames someone else since she can't blame you anymore. Keep working on you. Don't entertain these delusions.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> What qualifications does one have to have to be a life coach exactly? To recommend that someone leave a relationship and immediately start dating is the height of lunacy. And how does she define 'mature'? Someone who leaves her kids behind to find herself? Um, yeah.
> 
> Unfortunately, you can't force your wife to start thinking for herself if she hasn't gotten to that point by this time in her life.
> 
> ...


That's right, Angelpixie, you need no qualifications and this woman has NONE. My wife didn't even bother looking into her credentials. I did. She is a kook. And the fact that my wife is so much in love with her and does everything she says is amazing to me. But you are right, what can I do?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

skimmed through it.

had to stop reading because I dislike the smell of feces.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> skimmed through it.
> 
> had to stop reading because I dislike the smell of feces.


lol...it is CRAZY! Then all the while she is telling elders from our church, "I am listening to God's voice." Seriously???? Are you insane??? You are filing bogus charges against me that can land me in jail and you are listening to God's voice. You have abandoned your husband and stepchildren who look up to you and love you and you are listening to God's voice. You have taken every good and perfect gift that God Himself has given you and thrown it back in His face, yet you are listening to God's voice. You are dating while you are married and you are listening to God's voice. You crazy, idiotic, lame excuse of a woman! You're listening to your own psychotic voice!!!

Oh, I wish I can tell her that.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I bet some of the guys around here would believe there exes if they told them.

"I didn't have sex with him, it went in when he tripped. I was just trying to catch him when he fell."

Must be true!


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## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

"But it was just the tip!"


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

coachman said:


> "But it was just the tip!"


Haha.

"Let's play a game called, 'just the tip'."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Solon-Read this one too. Life coach? GTFOH! Really where is this coach's credentials from, Bath n Body? To be a fool is one thing but to be a fool who fools others (your wife), what does that make her? She is chasing something to believe in that suits her needs. And by what I see, it ain't a'gonna happen


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