# Temporary Hiatus



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

On advice of my divorce attorney, I can not post... anywhere for a while.

YES I WILL be back.

Yea. Ill fill in after.

Yes I will be lurking

No I'm not leaving. Do what your lawyers says...

Yes I know this has little to do with CWI but mostly Im here so...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> On advice of my divorce attorney, I can not post... anywhere for a while.
> 
> YES I WILL be back.
> 
> ...


Sorry understand.
This came out of left field.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Iintriguing.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Good luck weightlifter


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Is there anything we can do?

you have helped so many here.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

hope you are ok. anything I can do just PM me.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

I just wanted to say I hope everything is well. I have grown to appreciate the things you say and advice you have given here (going back a long time).


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Take care, sir. Looking forward to your return.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Please sign the necessary paperwork for someone else to act as the Minister of VAR Policy while you are on leave.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Best wishes WL. You are well loved and respected here at TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Will miss your presence, weightlifter! Please feel free to PM any of us if you have pressing questions, so that you can keep things underground! Best of luck to you, Sir!*


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Goodluck and godspeed. You'll be missed, hope to see you on the far side.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Sad to hear that fella. 

Good luck for what's ahead


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Good luck, bro!

Let this be a reminder to all of us that what we post here is public.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

See you soon, bro. Someone will need a delegation of authority from you for the standard CWI post for new BS' s until your inevitable return. Until then take care.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Will it do you any harm if someone copies and pastes your instructions?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Thound said:


> Will it do you any harm if someone copies and pastes your instructions?


He won't give a damn. In fact, it's the same stuff we've used for years. He just took the time and effort to put it all into one easy to follow post.

LOL...what the hell have you gotten yourself into, WL?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Hope for the best for you.

may you find some happiness.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Good Luck WL !


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

Good luck man. Will be looking forward to your triumphant return.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Welp Im the most beta wuss ever but the divorce has been suspended. Note I say suspended not cancelled. Here is what went down. 

Things got worse and worse with fighting thru May and into Early June.
Sunday June 1 something is up. Kids are asleep. I can literally feel the storm coming. What a geek I am I get this mental image from Star Trek of shields up maximum power to the front shields. I go emotionless as she faces me.
Her: Basically an accusation I saw another woman Saturday during lunch. I told her I was meeting a specific friend for lunch. Ironically it was RDMU I was having lunch with.
Me: calm shake head, Nope. 
Her: Angry demand 1
Me: calm Nope
Her: Angry demand 1 restated
Me: Calm nope
Her: Angrier demand 2. Trying to bait me.
Me: This is idiotic. Im going to start a divorce.
Her: Angrier restate demand 2
Me: Again. Divorce is the solution here. We are destroying each other.
blah blah

I stayed calm (and on the couch for the night) and proceeded to get two free lawyer consults, open up a bank account and get a safe deposit box. Did the standard reset passwords thing.

Editorial comment: Holy FARK it takes for FARKING EVER to open a damn bank account these days. The above took ALL DAY!

Its odd but at first my mind is like all over then things come into hideous stark clarity and I began to execute. item 1 then item 2 then item 3 then item 4 then... 

Tuesday I finished loading the safe deposit box. Talked to parents. Changed paycheck to new account. Lots of logistical sh!t.

She goes cold. Actually kind of worked for me.

Wed more logistical sh!t. Decide upon lawyer X. Late Wed she comes to me coldly, says something to the effect of making a mess and I respond that the mess will soon become more organized as everything is set to go to court and I will be doing the final signature of the court papers the next day.

I saw shock. She thought I was bluffing. I broke her... mostly. She is not dumb. She was crushed at the same time used my kryptonite. The kids. (funny how you can break a woman on one side and they still keep pushing on the other side) 2 hours of back and forth later I agreed to think about it. Early Thurs I went out and composed a set of demands. A LONG list of demands. I came back and handed them to her and she immediately agreed to all but one... the one I actually am flexible on... Maybe. We agreed to address it after the several dozen others were addressed.

There were a few things in it for her that I know I am deficient in even in my own mind. Things like date time without kids etc was covered. She looked at me, told me I had beaten her. (We shall see. It could be a ruse)

I told her even after that I am still a millimeter from divorce. She had even late yesterday started addressing some of the items and was doing some of the others this morning. I got laid three times last night and trust me it was wet wet she is into it hysterical bonding. I gave her one double toe curler and two singles.

Will it last? I hope. We shall see. Funny thing is in our talks I finally saw after ?X? YEARS of bullsh!t, a glimpse of the girl I fell in love with all those years ago.

Meanwhile the bank account and safe deposit box stay. The papers are kept for possible use later. I am only a signature away if needed.

She KNOWS I am still very very close. Tension levels are massively diminished below any time in the last ?5? years. THAT I can feel.

Its true: You have to be willing to destroy a marriage to save it. If I have to end it I will, yet, I am a father; my kids color everything I do. So one last go... For them, and MAYBE us.

WL

Asbestos undies on. Bring it.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Awesome!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You remain in my prayers, WL! And please remember that all of your TAM brothers and sisters are all here and waiting if you should ever need us!*


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

I hate the thought that maybe because you put in so much time here on TAM helping others that it takes away from your marriage.

I hope that is not the case?

PS keep up the hysterical bonding. If you need some viagra let me know. (I know you probably don't need them, neither do I but it helps)
what ever you do, don't buy the cheap ones off the internet ...they are not the same at all.... about killed me


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Who will be tasked with the magic copy/paste responsibility?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Who will be tasked with the magic copy/paste responsibility?


I've thought about this. I'm willing to roll w/ it. Copy/paste is easy enough, but there's typically no shortage of advice required ex post facto. Given that, I'm not quite certain that I'm up to the task.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Im not leaving the copy paste thing.

Waiting for some flames actually. Where is Mach when you need him? LOL.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Holy smokes, WL, don't think any of us saw this coming! You often refer to you wife's "light" EA some time back--is any of this fallout from that?

Wishing you the outcome you want and a quick return to the TAM ranks.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

if your wife only knew how much you help here.

I think i remember you telling us you do not want her to know about this site.
to much info she could use


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

weightlifter said:


> Welp Im the most beta wuss ever but the divorce has been suspended. Note I say suspended not cancelled.


No wussicality here at all. You set your boundaries and called her on her ****. Truck on!


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Things got worse and worse with fighting thru May and into Early June...


What's the fighting about? :scratchhead:


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> No wussicality here at all. You set your boundaries and called her on her ****. Truck on!


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
He was ready if necessary to walk away.
He looked quite strong to her.
She knows he won't put up with the bs.
And he got the "benefits"


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Good luck with everything and hope it all turns your way.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I heard somewhere or another the term, emotional bank.

A newlywed couple likely has 100% for their new spouse. Something happens and a bit of it drains out. Spending money without consulting the other is likely about 15% penalty; PA likely 90 to 100% penalty.

Anyway, looking back my wifes EA was likely around 30% when I found those emails and likely took about a 25% hit, leaving say 5%. Shortly after, she drained it to zero. Its been scraping zero for a long time now.

I'm hoping we have turned a corner and can start filling it up with me. Only time will tell.

So answering a question above. The EA was a factor but since it was a light one ramping up that I caught and crushed, I have no mind movies etc.

I really do hope it has turned. But if not, I will do what I have to.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> I heard somewhere or another the term, emotional bank.
> 
> A newlywed couple likely has 100% for their new spouse. Something happens and a bit of it drains out. Spending money without consulting the other is likely about 15% penalty; PA likely 90 to 100% penalty.
> 
> ...


I'm happy for you. I know that your gut (an almost infallible counselor) has been with you through all of this and you are following its advice.

Now comes the hard part, healing the marriage and refilling the emotional bank. You both need to make deposits.

One last thing: GREAT NEWS!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Still keep in touch with Rdmu ?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> No wussicality here at all. You set your boundaries and called her on her ****. Truck on!


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> I heard somewhere or another the term, emotional bank.
> 
> A newlywed couple likely has 100% for their new spouse. Something happens and a bit of it drains out. Spending money without consulting the other is likely about 15% penalty; PA likely 90 to 100% penalty.
> 
> ...


That is a concept developed and cultured by Dr. Harley within his book "His Needs, Her Needs" which is a highly suggested read as it gives a different perspective on situations and issues. It is a good concept and theoretically makes a sound ideal and basis for why love and attraction within a marriage can flounder or blossom. Many counselors will recommend that read to their patients.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Still keep in touch with Rdmu ?


Lol dude. You didnt read post 21. She thought i went out to see another woman. I told her i wasbseeing a friend for lunch.

That friend i had lunch with WAS RDMU. We had lunch together last Saturday!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Ive never so much as kissed another woman since before i asked my wife to be my exclusive girlfriend.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Now she doesn't really know that you are on TAM right? Or at least the extent of time and effort you put into helping others, listening to VARS, diaries, and much more I'm sure.

But if she sees you spend a ton of time online it maybe got her radar up. And then you have lunch with a friend she doesn't really knows exists? 

Of course, we would have advised her to keep quiet and go into stealth mode, and VAR The car.. 

You're a good guy weightlifter people on here know that.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

weightlifter-

I was wondering what had changed after you started this thread but then showed up and offered "StanleyK" a shot at credibility on his "my wife blew the gay hairdresser" thread.

I didn't want to comment on that thread any more, since I had nothing constructive to add, and enough about that thread anyway, so

WELCOME BACK!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Nly post 21 happened.

Philly. Remember my wife had an ea. Last thing i want her good at is how to evade my standard post. I still occasionally audit to make sure she is not in contact with that illiterate hillbilly ex of hers.

Anyway. Sometimes stories are strange and true. My offer simply allows the poster a shot at providing evidence that their odd stories are true without letting the whole board know who they are in real life.

Lmj and philly are two examples.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

No, I understand. But I wonder if she sometimes wonder what you are looking at on the computer. I don't want my wife finding anything here either.

Looks like Stanley deleted the thread last night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> No, I understand. But I wonder if she sometimes wonder what you are looking at on the computer. I don't want my wife finding anything here either.
> 
> Looks like Stanley deleted the thread last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That may have been the mods. I think StanleyK has been banned. Weightlifter's offer works both ways...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Stanley never pmed me. Its just something i offer cause peeps know imwont expose their real identities.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Hope to see you back soon, brother.

ETA - welcome back!


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