# It used to be there but not anymore



## mackeral1 (Oct 30, 2009)

When my husband and I got married we had sex all the time. After I found out I was pregnant sex with us got even hotter in the bedroom. After our son was born things didn't change between us sexually it stayed just as hot. I was on birth control after our son was born too so we could have sex whenever and didn't have to wait a week every month.A few months after I had our son I had turned on the computer to check my email and I found a chat my husband had had with another woman. The more I looked into it I found out they had been talking the entire time I was pregnant. Some of the chats they had were about sex and turning on web cams to see the others private parts and then I found out it wasn't with just one woman it was with a bunch of different women.On top of it all he never once mentioned that he had a wife or was expecting a child or anything like that.Then it dawned on me that this is why our sex life got hotter. I confronted my husband about it and of course he denied the whole thing. I told him that there was no way he could deny it because I printed off all of the conversations they had and what was said and showed it to him and then he went into the mode of apologizing for the whole thing. He told me that he only talked to her online and nothing happened between them but I didn't believe it. He kept apologizing for days and eventually I forgave him and he deleted all of his chat rooms and email addresses from them. After that I couldn't sleep in the same room as him because I felt like he would be thinking of the other women. We still had sex but it slowed down a lot after that. Then three years later I was doing laundry and I was checking pockets and found a number and name of a woman in my husbands pocket. I confronted him about it and he told me that he found that when he was cleaning out his car and didn't want me to see it so he stuck it in his pocket to hide it. I didn't believe him but I let it go. A few months later I stopped taking birth control and I started getting sick with headaches, flus, colds, IBS, ect... and sex slowed way, way down. Now my husband goes around saying I don't love him anymore or feel attractd to him or even to the point where he thinks I cheated on him. When he says those things it makes me think about what he did to me when I was pregnant and then I get sick again and sex is nothing. I love my husband and am very attracted to him and want to have sex with him when I am not sick but I'm sick just too often or I am having my period and it makes it impossible. I am afraid he is going online again talking to women and using his web cam and taking care of himself since sex just isn't there any more. How do I make him understand how I feel and satisfy his sexual urges so he doesn't cheat on me again?


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## finebyme72 (Jul 12, 2011)

I was on the other side of that equation - I was the guy who did that and I can tell you for me, it was the same thing. I didn't actually meet any of the women; it was just something to take of business by myself. My wife just found out and is devastated of course - she wasn't having that much sex with me anyways but I have a feeling we will be having even less (I'm on the couch and will be for a while, I suppose).

Can you give me any advice from your side since you've lived it? I love my wife and don't want to lose her (I just posted on this a little while ago).


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You should go to counseling. You haven't dealt with your husband's initial infidelity. And finding a name & number in his pocket is a big red flag that he is continuing to be unfaithful.

If you're going to reconcile, then you should both try to deal with the past and commit to the future. If you're going to just stay in limbo and be frustrated with each other, then you may need to divorce.

Good luck.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

* How do I make him understand how I feel and satisfy his sexual urges so he doesn't cheat on me again?*
If youre ill you just cant!


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

This isn't about you being able to satisfy your husband's sexual urges.....as you were having a lot of sex while he was cheating.

The issue is that he has a problem with cheating....probably because he has low self esteem and intimacy issues. 

It does sound like he's continuing to cheat. You need to insist on counseling for him because his behavior will continue unless he figures out why he needs validation from other women to make him feel good.

Just so you know, infidelity takes several years to get over, and that is when both parties work hard to deal with it. It can take much longer if the cheater denies they have a problem or refuses to get help.


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