# Husband Cell Secrets



## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

So tonight my hubby went out with the guys after work for drinks. Not a big deal at all. It doesn't happen often and I don't really mind. He gets home about 4 hrs later and I was outside. He did not see me when he pulled up, but he was on his phone. I walked over to his side of the truck and he locked the doors and started hitting buttons on his phone.
I calmly asked who were you talking to. He said no one. I said oh ok well then can I see your phone. He said no and started yelling at me about being crazy, etc. Gets back in his truck and leaves (drunk mind you). So I call him and as the phone is ringing I hear the beep that tells you the person is on the other line, most cell users know what I am talking about. Anyhow, he finally answers and says he is at the gas station getting a soda. I said ok. Ten minutes later he comes back (gas station is less than a mile away). He told me I could see his phone when he got back. I asked to see his phone and he starts cussing at me. I reached over and grabbed his phone and he grabs me by hair and pulls a nice chunk out. Well nothing was on his phone as I am sure he deleted it while at the gas station. My son has friends over or I would have called the police. He made a huge scene in front of the boys (my son and friends) as well as my daughter. I told him that I don't care if he has friends that are girls and he starts mocking me and being very rude and ignorant (drunk mind you). Just passed out on the sofa. Phone is in his pocket. Am I crazy or is he hiding something?


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

FYI~
I wanted to log onto his online cell account, but ironically he has never registered for online access and it requires them sending a text message to the phone he has in his pocket.
Going nuts here. So sad, angry, hurt....


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i think his actions are definately hiding something.
but arguing with a drunk man , gets you know where. 
i dont think your crazy, but his actions speak louder than words, your being physically abused.
i mean taking a chunk of hair out of your head. nah . 
your actions of grabbing the phone didnt help, you should do it secretively. but you made a scene also. 
in situations like this, if your gut instinct tells you something, you have to be like the tiger waiting for its prey. 
your efforts wil pay of eventually because you stayed calm and submissive.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

yea you should have not got confrontational with him while he was drunk.

how would you feel if he did this to you? Roles reversed.

he was wrong for touching you, pulling your hair, but you should have not tried to grab his cell phone especially drunk.

Not saying he is right, not saying your wrong. but you have to pick your battles.

Anyway everything is stored on the Sim card, even deleted calls and numbers. But you would need a warrant to get the information and he has the right to privacy, even if he is your husband.

I would have just waited until he was sober, and why don't next time you just call teh police when he takes off drunk and have them pick him up for DUI??


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

wow im really sorry. i definitely think he was hiding something but i agree with GAsoccerman, you shouldnt have confronted him when he was drunk. but i know how hard it is to walk away. ive confronted my H plenty of times when i shouldnt have.


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## LucyInSC (Dec 23, 2008)

I can relate a lot to this one. I was married to an alcoholic and I learned the hard way to NEVER confront a drunk person. Sure he was hiding his calls, he just deleted them. Now that you have confronted him about it you probably won't catch him. He will be more careful to hide it. The same thing recently happened to me. I still don't know who my husband was talking to on his cell phone. And his cell phone is in MY name! The call detail just says "NO CALLER ID" and the cell phone company won't release the number without a court order. And since I asked my husband about it, of course the calls stopped. The bottom line here is you are being abused. Your husband is hiding things from you. And you have to protect yourself. I agree to lay low. Don't argue with him. That makes things worse. Be aware. Eventually he will hang himself. Then bust his ass.


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## LucyInSC (Dec 23, 2008)

Hey GAsoccerman, I heard about the SIMS card but I was told that some phones (I have Alltel recently bought out by Verizon) you can't remove them. Anyway all of my husband's mystery calls were incoming with caller ID blocked. These calls came in twice a day while he was on lunch and when he got off work for three months. Gee I wish I could find out about it. Do you know any way?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

no the person on teh other end is paying to have the # blocked.

any sim card can be removed, it's designed so you can switch it to a new phone.

not sure if this works or not...but they do have something they sell to read SIM cards.

Cell Phone Spy: Deleted Texts/Data Extractor - How to Catch a Cheater

but "buyer beware"


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## LucyInSC (Dec 23, 2008)

Yeah thanks GA. I read about those and I agree "buyer beware". Anyway the calls stopped. Either he found another method to talk or he really quit. Hey I couldn't get his phone anyway, it's on his hip unless he is sleeping! LOL


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I was able to access his cell online and sure enough he was texting and low and behold out with a coworker last night (there was a groupu of them). Nonetheless they text last night after he got home. Well I called her today. We talked for 45 minutes. She says nothing is going on that they just exchange dumb jokes via text. I am ok with friends of the opposite sex. My question is why would he feel like he needed to hide it. He called her as I was talking to her and she told me. I asked him why he was calling her and he said to apologize for you (being me) creating drama because I am nuts he said.
So let me get this. He apologizes to her, but NOT to his wife. Then he keeps asking me what we talked about! He keeps telling me I am crazy, etc.
Why he was drinking drunk is beyond me. I offered to go get him, but he never called. Yes, that is very dangerous and unexceptable. Yes, I also should not have confronted him when he was drunk, but in no way does that make the abuse that he did ok.


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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

i hate to say it but my ex use to do the same... he would NEVER let me near his phone to the point where he slept with it under his pillow... but anyway he would always delete his messages and incoming calls... so i knew there was something going on, so i would think his behaviour ( ur husbands i mean) is possibly one of someones who has something to hide...

Secondly he is a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry silly man for drunk driving its stupid and very dangourous....


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

when I was 17 I ahd my License for 3 months, I was working at a ice cream palor and drove a friend home whom needed a ride.

On my way from her house a Drunk Driver swerved ovre and hit me head on at full speed, his car bounced off mine and drove up someones yard and into the house, yes INTO. 

The man was drunk, and came out of his car Bloody. The accident was near a hospital and some nurse and security guard stopped to help out. The drunk man started swinging at the nurses who tried to help him, he was looking for me to beat me up.

My car was demolished and I ahd the engine in my lap, I had to crawl out my car through the back door, I was OK but very shaken.

when the police came I told them what happened. The drunk man had already lost his license, he had none. He failed the DUI test. then he pulled out a wad of cash to bribe the cop, the cop told him to put his money away and then he swung at the cop, they billy clubbed his knees and handcuffed him.

The only thing that saved my life was that I tried to turn away from teh oncomming car and my seat belt. The Police officer looked at me and my car and said, " you came out of this without a scratch?" I said, "yes sir" He said, " wow, you are one lucky kid!" My parents came and picked me up, I had never seen my mother so scared becuase all she knew was that her youngest son was in a car accident and she needed to come immediately to the scene of the accident, Not to far from our home. She was vivedly shaken, I just wanted to go home and go to bed to end this nightmare.

Driving drunk is beyond STUPID, next time have him arrested.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

I think the cell phone is the least of your problems.

He pulled your hair (out) and he's driving drunk. Address those first.


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

Mt dad was an abusive alcoholic. I don't allow any alcohol in my home to this day. I have never been drunk, so I don't know what the sensation feels like. What I do know is that being drunk is not a valid excuse for anything. 

As far as the cell phone, Wait until he passes out and then go register it online. Wait for the text, respond to it and then delete it.

I don't believe that it is true that all phones have a removable sim card. I know that Nextel, Boost Mobile and Sprint are interchangeable as are AT&T and T-Mobile, but you can't take any old phone and use it on anyone's networks.

The Sim card... How are you going to read it? You can't just plug it into your computer and have it reveal all.

I agree that the cell phone is the least of your worries. (BTW: Can't you just look at the phone bill and see who is calling and who is called? Granted, it isn't instant gratification...)

If you want to catch him at something, you have to learn how to be quiet and to wait for your moment to go look at the phone... Gather your information in silence so that when you have your evidence, he won't be able to back out of it. I am generally not one to encourage this type of behaviour (since my ex could take any normal day-to-day event and somehow turn it into cheating), but if you take your time and you are patient, you will find what you want to find.

He will not do his thing in front of you. You don't want him to think you are smart enought to dig through his cell phone. Don't give away your tactics.

Good luck on this.


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

True enough, but patience and research will get you much further than accusing and confrontation. One will get to the truth of the matter by exercising some self-control.

That said, I don't believe that this situation is all about the cell phone. There are other issues that are just as important if not more so.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

agreed.....I guess my wife likes me drunk, I am a "happy drunk" total goofball and I rather "play" then be mean, I guess just the guys nature.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

So I posted yesterday, but for whatever reason it is not showing up. I called the number that he was texting all evening. The girl answered and we proceeded to talk (no accusations) for 45 minutes. She stated that they send jokes back and forth all the time. She even text him on Christmas morning. I felt pretty confident after talking to her that nothing was going on. He runs out on Saturday and sends her a text. I text her and asked her what that was about and she forwarded all the texts on to me. Now I kinda feel like an @ss, but he would not tell me what was going on or why he was hiding things. I drew my own conclusions due to the secrey and hiding. Maybe I am on to something, but it is just not with this girl.
He finally opened up a bit last night and began answering the questions I had, but I still can't shake this feeling of him being unable to communicate with me and lying/hiding things from me. I don't care if he has friends that are girls, but why hide it????????
I am trying to figure out what to do.......I want to be able to trust him and not worry everytime he goes out the door and I don't want to live waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I did ream him for the drunk driving, as he knows it is unacceptable. He could have killed himself or someone else. Totally stupid.
As far as the hair yanking out incident, I just don't know what to think or do. Part of me is thinking I brought it on myself by grabbing the cell phone and the other part of me is thinking that he is a sorry excuse for a man. I just am numb.
Last but not least, I have been talking about getting a membership at the local YMCA for weeks. Last night he decided to go out and get "our family" a membership. What?? We are on the verge of splitting up and he is out buying gym memberships. I think it is his way of trying to make things better?????????????


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

M22~
Sounds like we have the same in-laws! It is a learned behavior for my husband.

I don't know if I am creating a warm environment. I highly doubt it. I am not real receptive to anything he is saying at this point. I think I am too angry. Yesterday he apologized for pulling my hair and for texting her when he was drunk, but (and there is always a but with his apology) I shouldn't have grabbed his phone. He tends to twist it around to where I feel responsible for every fight/arguement/issues, etc. Almost to the point at which I feel he takes no responsibility for his actions. 

Communication is an issue with us. He did say that he did not want to tell me/deleted the texts because he said I would be pissed. I would not be pissed if there are friends, so I disagree with him. 

I probably overreacted and probably did it too soon. My adrenaline was flowing and I was a nervous wreck. Cooler heads would have prevailed.

I even sent a text message to my father in law asking him to call his son because he became physical with me and I thought it would be good for him to leave our house. (this is not the first physical thing that has happened, but the last one was nearly 4 years ago). His dad never responded, which is probably good. He doesn't need to be involved, but I would NEVER let my children physically abuse anyone and not step in!

Where to go from here?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I think the YMCA family Membership is a good thing, you should go together and work out.

Is your husband more social then you? I am more social then my wife.

Do you text your husband with Jokes and sexy messages as well? if not you going to start.

I bet the Hair pulling was a "drunk" reaction and he feels very guilty about it. One time when I was working the night shift I was Extrememly tired and cranky, my wife slapped my naked tush reall hard when i was going to bed, and it hurt!! I got up in a rage and grabbed her by the shoulders and said, "don't you ever hit me like that!" Scared the crap out of her, I went to bed extremely mad. When I woke up she told me how hurt she was, she was only being playful, I apologized and told her I was way to tired and grumpy, I just lost my cool and never meant to grab her, I just snapped. 20 years that was the only time I have ever lost my cool and I was very upset at myself for losing it. I live by the 3 C's Calm, cool and Collective. I broke my own rule and as you can see I still feel guilty about it, it's just not me.

Talk to him about it, I am sure this is the case, I am sure he feels guilty and upset. I am sure you feel guilty and upset that you made a A** out of your self thinking he was cheating on you with this co-worker, be glad she was cool enough to talk to you and fill in the blanks for you.

You really need to sit down and discuss things. I would be leery as well if my wife was hiding text messages from guys, etc.

while we were engaged my wife had a co-worker that was in "love" with her and tried everything to steal her away from me, I mean everything. But I trusted my wife and joked around about it, I saw it clear as day, my wife just brushed it off. I am actually surprised he did not try to stop our wedding. Dude was nuts, he kept trying after we were married....until we had moved away.

But I had faith and trust in my wife. I also have many female friends that are like sisters to me, the e-mail me, text me, call me etc. They are all friendly with my wife, not friends, but friendly, but I don't hide anything. Matter of fact we are planning a cruise together with one of my female friends and her husband, plus kids, I am friendly with her husband as well.

It boils down to trust, can you trust your husband?

you can save this marriage


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

GA~

Thank you for the post.

I am the more social one of the two of us. I am a social butterfly.
My husband and I do not text jokes together-never have. Sexy texts yes, but I do more of the sending than receiving.

I don't know if I trust him after all this. I am so hurt and upset not only with myself, but with the physical violence, I am so sincerely disappointed in him.

I think you hit the nail on the head that he is probably feeling bad now too. I text him and asked how his day was. He said fine. I said I am suprised that you did not call on break. He said I did not know you wanted me to. He is not sure where to go from here either.

A real heart to heart is in order. I am just not sure what I want now. Do I sit around and wait for this to happen again? The hiding/lying, etc and physical violence? Do I let this all go and act like it never happened?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well time to sit down and have that heart to heart, he is hurting that he hurt you, he nevr wanted to.

You guys need to lay down some ground rules and open communication.

say like.

1. No hiding anything from either one.....he doesn't have to show you his text messages, but if you ask he should be willing to show what is on his phone. I naturally delete any message on my phone after I read it, but I don't hide anything from my wife.

2. If he is going to drink and he is driving, no more then 3 beers, if he drinks more, get a ride from a taxi, non-drinking friend, or family member including you, then go get his car the next day and you promise if he comes home drunk with a friend driving, you will not "accuse, ask, or interrogate him" until next morning when sober. A DUI is the last thing he wants.

3. Under no circumstances is he to hurt you physically again, 2 times in 4 years is not exactly a "batter type" especially if one was pulling hair while you were trying to take something from him in anger.

4. You both need to open up and communicate with each other, set your ground rules through discussed compromises. It has to be mutually agreed, not demanded by 1 of you. 

I really think you jumped the gun the other night, but he did not help matters, you just can't forget it, but you can build from it. You both were wrong, there is no "right" here. 

as we used to say int eh Army, "suck it up and move on"

this case it happpened, look at it examine it, see where you both can improve. Write it down the pro's and con's where to go from here. Come to an agreement.

best of luck and move forward!


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