# Newlyweds



## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

Okay, here's some of the story. My fiancee and I are getting married Saturday April 14th, but here's the problem..
We really don't have the money to get our own place at the moment, but are saving up money to get one in the future. Living with his mother is H3LL. She tries to be in control of everything and even wants to go on our honeymoon with us... is it healthy for us to live with her until we get the money to live on our own? How do I deal with her craziness until we DO get the money to get our own place? There's a lot to this story. But I have been typing so much, there's just entirely to much to type at this point..it's that crazy living with her...


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

If you're not financially able to live independently then you shouldn't be getting married.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

jectruc said:


> If you're not financially able to live independently then you shouldn't be getting married.


That's not completely true.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> That's not completely true.


Yeah, actually ..it is.

Why are you in such a hurry to tie the knot?


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

Its true enough.

You're asking for trouble and you know it.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Yeah, actually ..it is.
> 
> Why are you in such a hurry to tie the knot?


Because we want to get married. It's not a hurry anyways.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

jectruc said:


> Its true enough.
> 
> You're asking for trouble and you know it.


Asking for trouble? What trouble are you talking about exactly?


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Asking for trouble? What trouble are you talking about exactly?


The tensions between you and mom-in-law

Being so broke you can't afford your own place.

Money problems are the biggest single cause of marriage failure, even more than sexual infidelity.

You aren't in a place to get married and yet you're rushing in without thinking it through.

Things are going to get a lot tougher than they are now.

Wait and see.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

jectruc said:


> The tensions between you and mom-in-law
> 
> Being so broke you can't afford your own place.
> 
> ...


Yeah thanks. You just told me everything I already know..


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Ok really it is a choice you made and you are going to have to live with it. Some people are just who they are and you are under her roof, using her utilities, and so forth. Just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. She may be crazy but you sound ungreatful.

I would take another look at your savings and see if there is a way to save more to get out sooner. If you are really unhappy then may be you need to take a cheap appartment and get out now. 

I would rather pay for a place of my own then have a honey moon and /or a big wedding.....why go some where when you can not afford to live in your own place.


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yeah thanks. You just told me everything I already know..


I know you knew, that's why you started this thread.

But you did ask.

It's not too late to postpone the wedding (and stay where you are).


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

Kurosity said:


> Ok really it is a choice you made and you are going to have to live with it. Some people are just who they are and you are under her roof, using her utilities, and so forth. Just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. She may be crazy but you sound ungreatful.
> 
> I would take another look at your savings and see if there is a way to save more to get out sooner. If you are really unhappy then may be you need to take a cheap appartment and get out now.
> 
> I would rather pay for a place of my own then have a honey moon and /or a big wedding.....why go some where when you can not afford to live in your own place.



I'm ungrateful? HOW??????


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

jectruc said:


> I know you knew, that's why you started this thread.
> 
> But you did ask.
> 
> It's not too late to postpone the wedding (and stay where you are).


It is to late to postpone it. I'm not going to put it off again and change everything again.


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> It is to late to postpone it. I'm not going to put it off again and change everything again.


It's not too late.

You could walk out right up to the time you sign on the dotted line.

But you won't. 

Someday you will remember my words.

"You are making a huge mistake".

Good luck.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

Kurosity said:


> Ok really it is a choice you made and you are going to have to live with it. Some people are just who they are and you are under her roof, using her utilities, and so forth. Just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. She may be crazy but you sound ungreatful.
> 
> I would take another look at your savings and see if there is a way to save more to get out sooner. If you are really unhappy then may be you need to take a cheap appartment and get out now.
> 
> I would rather pay for a place of my own then have a honey moon and /or a big wedding.....why go some where when you can not afford to live in your own place.



And FYI, my wedding is going to be small. Really small and cheap and as for our honey moon, we're just going camping. No money there. All we have to do is take food from the house with us,. We've done that plenty times before and we can do it for our honeymoon. We're just wanting to get away for the weekend and we're not looking for some high end place to stay. So there.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

jectruc said:


> It's not too late.
> 
> You could walk out right up to the time you sign on the dotted line.
> 
> ...


Why do you say it isn't too late? It's in 3 days. Do you know how much work we have put into this to just "postpone" it?


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Why do you say it isn't too late? It's in 3 days. Do you know how much work we have put into this to just "postpone" it?


Your reasoning is all messed up.

"We might as well get married because it's easier than not getting married".

It will be more work to stay in a bad marriage and then end it.

Infinitely more work.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

jectruc said:


> Your reasoning is all messed up.
> 
> "We might as well get married because it's easier than not getting married".
> 
> ...


a bad marriage? It's not a bad marriage.


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> a bad marriage? It's not a bad marriage.


It's not even a marriage.

Yet.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

jectruc said:


> It's not even a marriage.
> 
> Yet.


It will be in 3 days genius.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

CONGRATULATIONS, CharlotteMarie!
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding in three (3) days!
I'm sorry your future mother-in-law is such a pill!
Living with her will be sheer, unadulterated HELL, but you will persevere because your true love with your fiance will triumph over all the evil in the world!

...that's what you're looking to hear, isn't it?

Why do you even come on these boards? You ask for advice and then snipe at every piece of advice given to you. This is not the first thread of yours I've read but, hopefully, it will be the last.

Now if I remember correctly, according to you: you are 17yo, you quit going to school in 5th grade, you said you have learned everything you need to know in life already, you met the love of your life less than 1 year ago, and you're getting married in 3 days. Oh, and you're seeking lots of advice, but don't want to listen to any.

So, apparently, you're here just to feel good about yourself and your upcoming marriage in three (3) days. So:

CONGRATULATIONS, CharlotteMarie!
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding in three (3) days!
I'm sorry your future mother-in-law is such a pill!
Living with her will be sheer, unadulterated HELL, but you will persevere because your true love with your fiance will triumph over all the evil in the world!

Go have a nice wedding in three (3) days.
Go have a nice honeymoon camping with or without MIL.
Go enlighten the world with your perceptive insights into relationships founded on your deep understanding of human nature and your vast experience in the adult world.
Or, just go. Go away.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> CONGRATULATIONS, CharlotteMarie!
> Congratulations on your upcoming wedding in three (3) days!
> I'm sorry your future mother-in-law is such a pill!
> Living with her will be sheer, unadulterated HELL, but you will persevere because your true love with your fiance will triumph over all the evil in the world!
> ...


Uhm no that's NOT what I'm wanting to hear. In fact, it's one of the last things I want to hear at this point. I don't know what your problem is but seriously, calm down. I haven't, what you say "sniped" at anyone except for the @SSHOLES who were attacking me on here. You can go away and stop with your complaining. If you want to complain, make a thread of your own and complain in it. This is pointless. I came on here for advice, not for people to f*cking completely go crazy on me and treat me like sh*t. Goodbye. And leave me alone. And FYI, NO, I've KNOWN HIM LONGER THAN A DAMN YEAR. Why does it matter how long ago I met him? People can fall in love in seconds, TIME DOESN'T MATTER when it comes to love you illiterate fool! Go away and stop looking for people to harass, mock and be mean too. This is a place to HELP people, not to push them further and further down.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I would suggest to our members that if you don't have direct and respectful advice to give to the OP on her two threads, that you not respond at all.

I would also suggest to the OP that if you don't like the advice you get from members you use the ignore function. I would also suggest you tone down the language.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Where is the ignore button?

I have a feeling I`m finally going to need it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

User CP, then scroll down to the left "ignore list" and add user


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

that_girl said:


> User CP, then scroll down to the left "ignore list" and add user


thnx


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> It will be in 3 days genius.


I'm in Mensa.

Top 2% IQ.

My prediction is a short marriage.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, almost everyone is responding to your only question about whether your upcoming situation is healthy with a resounding "Yes!". So now the question back to you is "What are you going to do about it?"

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Amplexor: Thank you, your admonition is noted.

That Girl: Thank you for the info; I am headed there now.

Jectruc: I used to belong to Mensa, too. I concur with your opinion.


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## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

Ok, so I checked out your profile, it says you're 17...how old is your fiance? 

If you need to save money, then you'll just have to suck it up and live with your mother inlaw until you get save some money.

BUT, in my honest opinion you should look into an education and better yourselves before getting married. You will both be completely different people by the time you're 25 and someone will most likely outgrow the other and become incompatible. 

You might not be rushing, but I think you're making a mistake. If you love each other, you will wait...


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Amplexor: Thank you, your admonition is noted.
> 
> That Girl: Thank you for the info; I am headed there now.
> 
> Jectruc: I used to belong to Mensa, too. I concur with your opinion.


All you people are blocking me, and you're the one who posted on my stuff starting crap. So go away.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

PBear said:


> Well, almost everyone is responding to your only question about whether your upcoming situation is healthy with a resounding "Yes!". So now the question back to you is "What are you going to do about it?"
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do what?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

One nice thing about a Nasty Mother in Law ....I've never experienced this -mine is a lovely gracious woman. They even took me in before I married thier son, wonderful family. 

But if it has any power.... It ought to enable you & your husband to SAVE -SAVE - SAVE every living dime to get out of there!! To get on your feet. 

In my life, when I didn't like a situation, when I was miserable, it always built a FIRE under me to DO something about it... :FIREdevil: 

Once we had the neighbors from Hell...they had a Party, their idiot friends wrecked our car on our property driving a quad drunk...didn't want to pay... I put up a fence, then their A hole friends hit my fence.... I put up a sign...."don't hit the freaking fence" (no, it didn' say that)... They didn't like me. I hated them... the next sign was a "for sale" sign in my front yard to get the hell away from them, not to mention thier loose rottweilers running around in our yard. 

Sold that lovely house in 3 weeks.. accually looking back , I see those rotten neighbors as one of the greatest blessings that ever happend to us... because of them & their hellishness....... we landed the house of our dreams....just happened to be for sale the same time we SOLD our house... 

Destiny was in that situation. 

Sometimes BAD things happen for a reason. Sometimes we invite them too, but when they come upon us .... we always have options... Let it give you & he urgent incentive to work harder, save harder - to get your own place, out of your own. Looking back, you will be so happy you did.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

CharlotteMarie said:


> is it healthy for us to live with her until we get the money to live on our own?


I would not recommend it as it tends to shorten the 'honeymoon phase' meaning the first year of marriage where you start out together on your own and learn to co-exist in this new partnership.



CharlotteMarie said:


> do I deal with her craziness until we DO get the money to get our own place?


If you don't have the option of getting your own place prior to marriage, I would recommend biting your tongue when things bother you and be gracious she is willing to take you into her home so you can both get on your feet.

I will be honest, if my kids wanted to get married and live with me, I don't think I would go for that plan. I would rather have my kid live with me (get a job if he/she didn't have one) and pay rent...I would save the rent $ in an account for them that they could use towards a deposit on his/her own place. But I would really discourage them from getting married before they were at least stable enough to live on their own for a year.


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## monicagrace27 (Apr 3, 2012)

Hm, you're 17? I am as well and plan on being married in about a year when I am 18 1/2. I'm just curious, how old is your boyfriend and do either of you have a job?

I think its really sweet when people are married young. They don't lose their spirit from how harsh the world can be and they usually marry for love. If you do decide to marry, then congratulations.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

monicagrace27 said:


> Hm, you're 17? I am as well and plan on being married in about a year when I am 18 1/2. I'm just curious, how old is your boyfriend and do either of you have a job?
> 
> I think its really sweet when people are married young. They don't lose their spirit from how harsh the world can be and they usually marry for love. If you do decide to marry, then congratulations.


He's 22 and yeah he's got a job. 
& thanks  I hope all goes well for you when you decide to marry too. I'm apparently doing it too soon. According to everyone, I'm not ready and I'm rushing it and it's too soon. But who are they to say so? Yeah.. good luck


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

swedish said:


> I would not recommend it as it tends to shorten the 'honeymoon phase' meaning the first year of marriage where you start out together on your own and learn to co-exist in this new partnership.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah, but see, if it weren't for him paying so much here, we could get our own place...


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Here we go, LadyFrog...to quote a very wise man, it's "pee-pee in pirrahna tank" time. *sigh*
> 
> 
> This kind of language is not helping convince anyone of your maturity or sincerity.
> ...


No, not true. People have fallen in love at first site. That's a matter of seconds. MILLIONS of people have seen someone, and automatically fallen in love with them right there on the spot. It happens everyday.


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## s3xy_g33k (Apr 11, 2012)

I definitely think that if you cannot afford to live on your own, you should not be getting married. I'm not saying either of you is financially irresponsible, I'm just saying that I think it will put a kink in things. What if mother decides she doesn't want you two staying there anymore? Plus, why would you want to live with your husband in his mother's home? It kind of defeats the purpose to me. Whatever you decide to do is obviously your decision that no one on here can make for you. You just have to think about what is best for you, your fiance', and your relationship. I hope everything works out for you.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> One nice thing about a Nasty Mother in Law ....I've never experienced this -mine is a lovely gracious woman. They even took me in before I married thier son, wonderful family.
> 
> But if it has any power.... It ought to enable you & your husband to SAVE -SAVE - SAVE every living dime to get out of there!! To get on your feet.
> 
> ...


Oh wow, what a story.. Thanks for helping and sharing  
We're definitely trying to SAVE money.. if it weren't for paying so much here, we could have a place by now with all the extra money if he wasn't paying here....


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

s3xy_g33k said:


> I definitely think that if you cannot afford to live on your own, you should not be getting married. I'm not saying either of you is financially irresponsible, I'm just saying that I think it will put a kink in things. What if mother decides she doesn't want you two staying there anymore? Plus, why would you want to live with your husband in his mother's home? It kind of defeats the purpose to me. Whatever you decide to do is obviously your decision that no one on here can make for you. You just have to think about what is best for you, your fiance', and your relationship. I hope everything works out for you.


That's the thing tho. I don't want too. But she wants us too. It makes no sense at all if you ask me. But we are leaving as soon as we possibly can. We *DEFINITELY *are *not *having a kid while living here. & since he wants kids, we HAVE to move out soon.
& thanks.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Who are we to say?
> 
> On your other thread you were begging and pleading for help and advice.
> 
> Well, good luck to you on the long and oftentimes turbulent plane ride know as marriage. Keep your upchuck bag close by. It comes in handy at times.


Exactly.. I appreciate the advice from everyone tho. Even the people being mean.. 
And thanks


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> LOL, ok.
> 
> 
> Well, far be it from me to argue with you. Here's hoping you have your situation under control.
> ...


You're really doing this too? 
Okay..bye.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> No, not true. People have fallen in love at first site. That's a matter of seconds. MILLIONS of people have seen someone, and automatically fallen in love with them right there on the spot. It happens everyday.


People also seem to fall out of love right there on the spot.

One day it's "I love you", the next day it's "I need space" (because they found someone else).

Don't go into something major with the odds stacked against you from the start.

Things don't always "find a way of working out". 

Especially with all the warning signs you have already written about.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

lenzi said:


> People also seem to fall out of love right there on the spot.
> 
> One day it's "I love you", the next day it's "I need space" (because they found someone else).
> 
> ...


Yes, but that's some people. I'm not "some" people. People are different and some are better with relationships than others. Mine is working out fine and it's never been "I love you" one day and "I need space" the next. We've never needed space from one another, thank you...


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> That's the thing tho. I don't want too. But she wants us too. It makes no sense at all if you ask me. But we are leaving as soon as we possibly can. We *DEFINITELY *are *not *having a kid while living here. & since he wants kids, we HAVE to move out soon.
> & thanks.


So you are planning on having kids soon, then?


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## monicagrace27 (Apr 3, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> He's 22 and yeah he's got a job.
> & thanks  I hope all goes well for you when you decide to marry too. I'm apparently doing it too soon. According to everyone, I'm not ready and I'm rushing it and it's too soon. But who are they to say so? Yeah.. good luck


Oh, I see, well thats good. Do you intend to get a job as well? It would help with your financial situation and moving out of his mother's house. Also, one thing I reccomend doing is what someone on here had me do: plan out your finances for when you move out. That way you can be ready for what to expect and how to spend the money that you do have. It will probably be tight as I know that it will be for me as well, but I think that you can do it.

Also, thank you very much for your support. I hope that you will do whatever makes you happy. Although many people relate their own thought and things on young marriage, it is your decidion to make. I have realized that it is good to listen to those who have been through it though, it can be very helpful and give you things to think about. In the end, though, it is your relationship and you know it better than anyone else.


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## s3xy_g33k (Apr 11, 2012)

If money is the real issue, then I agree with what others have said about saving every possible penny. Also, be sure to spend as much time as possible out of his mother's house. The less you are there, the less you will bother her. I truly think waiting to get married would be the best thing for you to do, but if you are dead set on it, you have to make the best of a bad situation.

My husband (boyfriend at the time) lived with my parents for a short period while trying to get on our feet and it was definitely stressful, not only on my relationship with my partner, but also with my parents. As close as you think you are with someone, things change when you bring someone else into the home. We saved up and got our own place very close to my family and things are wonderful now.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> So you are planning on having kids soon, then?


Uh no. Just because I said we're definitely moving out soon doesn't mean kids soon. I want to live on our own for a while before having kids.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

lenzi said:


> People also seem to fall out of love right there on the spot.
> 
> One day it's "I love you", the next day it's "I need space"


yup :/


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

monicagrace27 said:


> Oh, I see, well thats good. Do you intend to get a job as well? It would help with your financial situation and moving out of his mother's house. Also, one thing I reccomend doing is what someone on here had me do: plan out your finances for when you move out. That way you can be ready for what to expect and how to spend the money that you do have. It will probably be tight as I know that it will be for me as well, but I think that you can do it.
> 
> Also, thank you very much for your support. I hope that you will do whatever makes you happy. Although many people relate their own thought and things on young marriage, it is your decidion to make. I have realized that it is good to listen to those who have been through it though, it can be very helpful and give you things to think about. In the end, though, it is your relationship and you know it better than anyone else.


Exactly.. You're welcome..
I plan on getting a job soon after we get everything else out of the way and after I get my license and all that.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yes, but that's some people. I'm not "some" people. People are different and some are better with relationships than others. Mine is working out fine and it's never been "I love you" one day and "I need space" the next. We've never needed space from one another, thank you...


The falling out of love happens later on.

Not typically before the marriage in the early stages of the relationship.

In your case the seeds of conflict are already sown. You already have strife with his mom, there's going to be arguing, you will expect him to take your side, he'll be caught in the middle, probably will try to appease his mom, how will you feel about that?

Look, you are the one with the doubts, that's why you started this thread in the first place. The posters here are just trying to make you aware of the potential problems.

You've already stated you're going ahead with the wedding so what's left to discuss? You'll realize soon enough how good an idea this is. You just wanted everyone to tell you "oh go ahead with the wedding and move in with his mom, everything will be ok". Since you're getting advice to the contrary you are now in defensive mode and that's not helpful.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Uh no. Just because I said we're definitely moving out soon doesn't mean kids soon. I want to live on our own for a while before having kids.


K, what you wrote sounded like "We aren't having kids while we live with her, and since he wants kids we have to move out soon" which would imply to me that the reason was partially to have kids.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> K, what you wrote sounded like "We aren't having kids while we live with her, and since he wants kids we have to move out soon" which would imply to me that the reason was partially to have kids.


no. I worded it wrong apparently.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

lenzi said:


> The falling out of love happens later on.
> 
> Not typically before the marriage in the early stages of the relationship.
> 
> ...


Okay. Good luck with that.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yes, but that's some people. I'm not "some" people. People are different and some are better with relationships than others. Mine is working out fine and it's never been "I love you" one day and "I need space" the next. We've never needed space from one another, thank you...


neither did me and mine...
until she did decide that after almost a year of being engaged.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Okay. Good luck with that.


I don't need luck, I'm not moving in with anyone's mom and impulsively jumping into marriage at a young age.

Cmon you KNOW this isn't a good move, that's why you're here.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

It's like Furbies. You know, you set 2 together and they start babbling and giggling in their made-up language.

I never had a Furby. 



ETA: Respond in private messages to this if you want, I don't want to hijack the thread.


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## monicagrace27 (Apr 3, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Exactly.. You're welcome..
> I plan on getting a job soon after we get everything else out of the way and after I get my license and all that.


Oh, you don't have your license yet?

Hm... I'm not saying this to change your mind or to upset you, it is my honest opinion. Please do not take this the wrong way.

I realize that you love him, but I believe that you are rushing things. I realize that I may be doing the same thing, but you haven't been dating for even a year.. it worries me. Also, I think that you should really get on your feet before marriage. By that, I mean that you should get a job and your license, at the very least. Maybe wait until you're 18. Doesnt your parent have to give consent for the age that you are? 

Also, school is very important. Even if you believe that there is not much more to learn, if you do not have any sort of degree or high school diploma, you will have a very tough life financially. Without a degree, how can you start a career to support yourself? 

Again, I think that my biggest concern is how long you have been dating this man. I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year, but I would not even consider marrying right now. And definitely if I was not able to help support us.

I'm very sorry, I realize that this is not what you want to hear, but I truly hope that it will give you something to think about.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

I'm surprised, but what she said. :iagree: 

Maybe instead of rushing you could wait until you are more financially independent and finish school. What harm could waiting do?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

kittykat09 said:


> It's like Furbies. You know, you set 2 together and they start babbling and giggling in their made-up language.
> 
> I never had a Furby.


here ya go kittykat09, just for you...


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> here ya go kittykat09, just for you...


:smthumbup: Don't want to get you in trouble though, I'm terribly good at thread hijacking. No one else respond to the Furby post. XD

--------

I was serious about waiting, though. If he is "the one" for you, what harm is caused by waiting a while? It is good that you aren't thinking of having kids soon, that is a plus. 

I guess: What does being married mean to you?


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

This is my first post, but have been reading many threads on here over the past year. If you proceed as planned and do marry this weekend, then congratulations. I can't speak for others who have posted, but I would postpone the wedding. 

Why do you want to be married now? Consider the benefits as well as the cons. I think if you were honest and listed them out, you would have more cons. You may disagree, but there is way more to marriage then being in love. Marriage is hard enough when things are going well. Now imagine a marriage without financial stability. Disagreements, resentment, distrust, anger, depression... these are all things that can and do happen to couples who have even been married for 20+ years. And you are planning on starting your marriage with this issue right off the bat. The reason other posts have advised against it, is because it's a frightening situation.

Why not work until you and your fiance can be financially independent? Can you honestly say that you envisioned being married and still living with a parent? I know many things don't go as planned, because they may be unrealistic and you have no control over... but this isn't one of those things. I think you would have a much healthier marriage if you could live with your spouse once you are married. It may be hard to fathom now, but living in a parents home, with your spouse, is opening your marriage up for problems down the road. Troubleshooting a problem with two people is not easy. Now throw in another person to the equation. And now also make the 3rd person a dearly loved relative. But not just any relative, it's a parent. I hope you can see where I'm going. Finding a compromise between two people is hard. Trying one with three people... someone will feel like the other two are plotting against them. Unfortunately, at least one of those relationships will suffer.

Another thing to consider, if you became pregnant... you have no means to support your child. Contraceptive measures are never full proof and having a child, in your current situation, would put even more of a strain on your marriage.

If you are truly in love, your wedding can wait. Now if you are afraid of him not wanting to marry you, if you postpone... well then you have your answer.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> neither did me and mine...
> until she did decide that after almost a year of being engaged.


Yeah?


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> I'm surprised, but what she said. :iagree:
> 
> Maybe instead of rushing you could wait until you are more financially independent and finish school. What harm could waiting do?


Neither of us are in school at this point. And honestly, no one is ever "financially ready" for a child. No matter how much money you have, you won't ever have "enough" for a kid...


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

lenzi said:


> I don't need luck, I'm not moving in with anyone's mom and impulsively jumping into marriage at a young age.
> 
> Cmon you KNOW this isn't a good move, that's why you're here.


No one is moving in with anyone's mom OR impulsively jumping into a marriage. My age doesn't matter. 
& apparently nothing I do is the right move at this point. You guys are just trying to talk me out of it is all.. our preacher tried in the counseling and that didn't work. It won't work for y'all either.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

monicagrace27 said:


> Oh, you don't have your license yet?
> 
> Hm... I'm not saying this to change your mind or to upset you, it is my honest opinion. Please do not take this the wrong way.
> 
> ...




See I've seen marriages work, and I've seen them crash. My brothers, 2 of them have been married and they messed up bad. My oldest brother was with his wife for 8 years and cheated on her the entire time. My middle brother was with his wife for 6 months and did nothing but fight the whole time. My parents on the other hand, knew each other for a month, moved in with each other, lived together for a week and got married and have been for 22 years now, they have never been "financially" stable and they have 4 kids together and still going strong even after ALL the financial problems, yes they caused depression, stress, anger. But they loved each other enough to fight through it and stay strong with each other. My Aunt And Uncle have been together for 40 years and they have never been "financially" stable and they also have 4 kids together. 

And no, I don't have my license yet. Why is that part so important? Yes, my mother and father both have to sign in order for me to get married. I already know this. My mom is perfectly fine with me getting married right now and they are signing for us. 

Okay, so how long should someone be together before they decide to marry? Would you like a whole list of examples of people who barely even knew each other and got married and are still together? You guys can't judge this based on finances, and how long he and I have been together. I mean, yes we have problems with the money. But we're not flat broke and we have what we need right now and are also getting help with it. As for a child, like I said, no one is ever completely financially stable for a child. They cost you money, money, money their whole lives, I understand that, yes. But we are NOT having a child soon, when we have more money, we will. But not soon so that isn't even an issue. 

And another thing. I'm not supposed to support our family, he is. I'm not saying I shouldn't get a job to help out, but he doesn't want me having a job, I keep the house up while they're at work. I do the cooking, cleaning, everything. If we were all to be working, when would any of that get done? Especially with their work hours, also I would have no way to work unless I walked at this point. Honestly it would take more money for me to find a job, than it would help out. I understand you trying to help, I really do. I didn't mean for this message to sound mean, or hateful, or anything. But really..


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

CharlotteMarie said:


> You guys are just trying to talk me out of it is all.. our preacher tried in the counseling and that didn't work. It won't work for y'all either.


I am curious what your Preachers advice was....his instruction to you both? 

I will be honest with you .... You can turn a blind ear to everyone in your life ... It is YOUR life...your choice to make ....and your boyfriends.... but this is generally how it works... When we ignore the counsel of the wise (not saying all the posts here R written in that fashion)... but what about your Pastor - no respect- is he of no concern, his words, his thoughts? When we do this, storm ahead..... often we will LIVE the rough road that others have warned us about, many here has even walked those shoes.....but we refused to believe in the moment that such a fate can come upon us, we think we are different somehow.....but "*wisdom*" was trying to speak to us. 


It is just the way life is... many storm ahead and have no consideration for what they are bringing upon themselves. They didn't THINK it through, weigh the pros & cons carefully and prayerfully. 

Doesn't mean it will break you... but you may be giving up things you never considered in the process (a beautiful wedding planned & waited for...starting your marraige out in a way that will give you precious sweet memories for a lifetime -just the 2 of you in a house you saved for , or your very own) and it COULD take a huge toll on these early years together - frustrations to the high heavens with his family- under these circumstances. 

WHY invite this , why the rush? 

It appears you are reaching out for help... I noticed your other thread.... some real, even serious issues going on there...only read a little .... sounds like you found a great man who is willing to spend the rest of his life with you.....this is beautiful, you have someone on your side, who loves you. We all need this, even when we are not all together ourselves. I think that is where you are...trying to find yourself. ?? 

My husband was such a man too. He would have married me as soon as we got out of High school if I was up for it .... But I wouldn't... I knew DEEP DEEP DOWN... I wasn't where I needed to be...for him....or for myself. I knew he wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't going anywhere.... so why rush these things. It was not like I had no where to lay my head at night. 

If there are decent people in your life who genuinely care about you, who have handled their lives in a manner you look up to / respect.....examples to behold, these people didn't get there by chance, they are the WISE among us. Listen to them... consider their words. You coming here to post shows you are NOT at peace in these things. 

Personally, in my life, I have ALWAYS considered the counsel of others... I ask alot of questions, I seek advice everywhere.... I turn it around in my head, I consider every word spoken to me- even if it is NOT what I want to here, sometimes our critics are are the most helpful !! they point out every pitfall that awaits us... it is wise to listen to them as well.. 

My advice is : Do not turn your ears from the wise... you can decide WHO that is in your own life... those that truly care for you. 

Assuming you are a Christian, here are some scriptures on this subject:



> • Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed. (Proverbs 15:22)
> 
> • A wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel. (Proverbs 1:5)
> 
> ...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what was your purpose in posting? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

I was wondering the same thing. What do you want from this site?

As i have read both of your threads and you are rude to anyone who does not tell you what you want to hear.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm trying to figure out what she wants to hear, even...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Neither of us are in school at this point. And honestly, no one is ever "financially ready" for a child. No matter how much money you have, you won't ever have "enough" for a kid...


Sure they are, I was.

Don`t fall for societies "Love" cliches.

Someone who has years invested in a successful career and money in the bank is in a far better position to have kids than someone who hasn`t finished high school yet.

This is common sense.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Neither of us are in school at this point. And honestly, no one is ever "financially ready" for a child. No matter how much money you have, you won't ever have "enough" for a kid...


Totally untrue. I did it as a single mom at 22 and no job and as a 32 year old woman with a house, career, money, husband, etc. 

Way easier the 2nd time around.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> He's 22 and yeah he's got a job.
> & thanks  I hope all goes well for you when you decide to marry too. I'm apparently doing it too soon. According to everyone, I'm not ready and I'm rushing it and it's too soon. But who are they to say so? Yeah.. good luck


Who are we? When you post about an issue you are having, people have the right to respond with their opinions. I don't like the nasty comments, but why ask for other's POV if you are just going to complain that they don't agree with you ill advised choices? 

Your response to monicagrace27 shows that you are not adult enough to accept that some people may not agree with your choices. Neither of you are old enough to get married; as teenagers we all have idealistic views of love. A mature person would not plan a wedding when they have no place of their own to live. Sorry, but you are putting the cart before the horse.

My husband and I had a sadly small wedding because the cost of huge party did not make sense to us. We were renting a tiny apartment, so we thought it was stupid to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding when we did not even own a home. If we wasted money on a wedding, we could not have afforded a new car or a larger place to live.

Why is a 22 year old man with a 17 year old girl? Most well adjusted men in their twenties do not want to date or marry teenage girls.


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## harpongs (Apr 10, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> As for a child, like I said, no one is ever completely financially stable for a child. They cost you money, money, money their whole lives


Really? No one who has a child is fiancially stable enough to pay for their needs?

I respectfully disagree with you.

When I had my kids I was married for a few years with a roof over my head and I didn't live with my parents, and I was assured of an income stream that would provide for my children for their entire minority.

You on the other hand, have no plan, you're already unhappy with the living arrangements with mom, you don't plan to work and you don't have a clue how to support your eventual child, while at the same time making up all this stuff about how it's ok because "everyone else does it that way too and your own brothers messed up their marriages" as if that clears the path for you to make the same irresponsible decisions.

Sorry if you were expecting me to be the first poster to tell you that you are doing just great and congratulations.


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## monicagrace27 (Apr 3, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> See I've seen marriages work, and I've seen them crash. My brothers, 2 of them have been married and they messed up bad. My oldest brother was with his wife for 8 years and cheated on her the entire time. My middle brother was with his wife for 6 months and did nothing but fight the whole time. My parents on the other hand, knew each other for a month, moved in with each other, lived together for a week and got married and have been for 22 years now, they have never been "financially" stable and they have 4 kids together and still going strong even after ALL the financial problems, yes they caused depression, stress, anger. But they loved each other enough to fight through it and stay strong with each other. My Aunt And Uncle have been together for 40 years and they have never been "financially" stable and they also have 4 kids together.
> 
> And no, I don't have my license yet. Why is that part so important? Yes, my mother and father both have to sign in order for me to get married. I already know this. My mom is perfectly fine with me getting married right now and they are signing for us.
> 
> ...


I will agree with you that some marriages may just seem to work, no matter the age. It just seems that young couples that do not have a plan for the financial aspect of it tend to fight more often. Granted, I am not specifically saying that this will be you and as I said, I am not trying to talk you out of anything. I just want you to be aware of things like this.

It just seems important that you have your license so that you may go places when he is too busy to take you there, or when he is not home. Or, even for emergencies. What happens if he gets hurt and you can't drive to take him to the hospital? I just think its good to have your license. Its okay to depend on people like your fiance for some things, but I also think that its nice to have some independence as well. And okay, I just wanted to make sure that you're parents would approve. 

I guess theres no "right" amount of time to be with someone before marriage, and it is not really my place to tell you that there is. I believe that if you think that you know him inside and out, and if you see him as being a great person, but can recognize his flaws as well, then maybe you are ready for marriage as far as just your relationship with your partner goes. Its just important to make sure that you are not still in the initial stage of the relationship where everything your partner does seems perfect because if that is how it is, it can cause some big problems when that changes.

And no, finances aren't everything, but they are an issue that will become important, particularly when you move out. I just want to make sure you are prepared financially. And when I say that, I do not mean for a child, I just mean for you and your fiance.

Finally, as far as a job goes, its nice that he doesnt want to make you work, but it could really help, even if you didnt work that much. At my job, I work about 24 hours a week, a part time job, at 25 cents over minimum wage and I make about 600 per month. Also, I only work three days a week. If you were to do something like that, even, it could help. Also, that leaves time for housework and things like that. I just want you to have the best chance at making this marriage work, I really do want you to be happy. I hope that this will help, even a little bit.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Where do you guys live? Maybe that would give some perspective.


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## harpongs (Apr 10, 2012)

monicagrace27 said:


> I will agree with you that some marriages may just seem to work, no matter the age. It just seems that young couples that do not have a plan for the financial aspect of it tend to fight more often. Granted, I am not specifically saying that this will be you and as I said, I am not trying to talk you out of anything. I just want you to be aware of things like this.


And also that tension with inlaws cause a lot of infighting between newly married couples and here they are already moving in with the inlaws and she knows it's a bad move because mom is very controlling. 

Recipe for disaster!


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> Who are we? When you post about an issue you are having, people have the right to respond with their opinions. I don't like the nasty comments, but why ask for other's POV if you are just going to complain that they don't agree with you ill advised choices?
> 
> Your response to monicagrace27 shows that you are not adult enough to accept that some people may not agree with your choices. Neither of you are old enough to get married; as teenagers we all have idealistic views of love. A mature person would not plan a wedding when they have no place of their own to live. Sorry, but you are putting the cart before the horse.
> 
> ...


He's with me because he loves me and I'm not immature like most teenage girls these days. I've had to be an adult most of my life to begin with. Buh bye.. I'm not doing this anymore. Deleting all my threads and this website. I didn't come on here to be treated like a baby or be talked to like crap. I wanted advice. Yes I listened to some advice and some I didn't like. No one is going to like all the advice they hear. Bye.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

monicagrace27 said:


> I will agree with you that some marriages may just seem to work, no matter the age. It just seems that young couples that do not have a plan for the financial aspect of it tend to fight more often. Granted, I am not specifically saying that this will be you and as I said, I am not trying to talk you out of anything. I just want you to be aware of things like this.
> 
> It just seems important that you have your license so that you may go places when he is too busy to take you there, or when he is not home. Or, even for emergencies. What happens if he gets hurt and you can't drive to take him to the hospital? I just think its good to have your license. Its okay to depend on people like your fiance for some things, but I also think that its nice to have some independence as well. And okay, I just wanted to make sure that you're parents would approve.
> 
> ...


Making this short. Trust me, I know his flaws. I know the man inside and out. I see the wrong he does and he sees my flaws and the wrong I do. 
And as for the job. How much is minimum wage where ever you are? Because where we live you wouldn't get even close to $600 a month for minimum wage. Maybe $300 if you're lucky and work the whole week. 

And thanks for not completely just going crazy on me lol. I do appreciate what some people are telling me. But some are just being mean. Our ages really don't matter. I don't see why people think they do. Like I told that one person, I have had to be mature most of my life due to helping my mother. She taught me very young to be mature. I've never had a "teenagers" life, I really didn't have a "childs" life at that. People wouldn't be saying all this about our ages if they knew us and knew our situation. 

Back to the first thing you said on this one. We have a plan for the financial aspect. Yes we fight, but what couple doesn't? there's no couple, or just people for that matter, that never fight and that everything works out for. And I don't expect our marriage to be perfect, or easy. I know it's going to be hard and we're going to have problems. That's life. But I'm really willing to deal with that and get through whatever with him. I know love isn't all that matters but it plays a HUGE part, especially when couples have a fight. And you have to love the person enough to get through everything with them even WITH financial problems. 

We do plan to get a place soon. We're not having a big wedding. It's really really cheap actually. We were smart to keep it small. Our honeymoon, is just going to be camping, it's going to take no money really, just for the food and gas, it takes gas to go anywhere. Gas will be our biggest problem since it's SO much now. It seems like it goes up every single day. Heck, the amount it is now, it would probably take more gas to go where we originally planned, than our wedding costs.. yeah, gas is that expensive in these parts. 
Well, I meant to make this short but stuff just kept coming to me. I really appreciate you trying to help and doing it nicely. If everyone had done it this way. I wouldn't have looked bad from responding to their mean, mean posts. 
Thank you
(if I made any typos, sorry. & feel free to correct them if you want too, my computer screen is messed up and it's going out so it's hard for me to see what exactly I'm typing and all that.)


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

PBear said:


> So what was your purpose in posting?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To get advice like what monicagrace27, and SimplyAmorous have given me. Not to be mocked or attacked by people like you and everyone else.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yeah, but see, if it weren't for him paying so much here, we could get our own place...


I am not sure I understand what you mean by 'paying so much here'. Are you referring to the cost of living in your area or the amount he is paying his mom to live there? Is she financially dependent on his income? If so, I can see where that might delay you moving out on your own.


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## ChelseaBlue (Mar 5, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> No, I'm used to @sses like you posting on here. If you're going to be mean, don't even post. If you were smart you'd know that no one is ever financially ready for a kid. Not unless you're freaking rich and you sh*t money. Seriously. I'm not going to be irresponsible like my brothers. Those were examples. Did you even read the good ones? Apparently not! Go away.


Wow.

I'm reminded of an old saying about a pot and a kettle.


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## monicagrace27 (Apr 3, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Making this short. Trust me, I know his flaws. I know the man inside and out. I see the wrong he does and he sees my flaws and the wrong I do.
> And as for the job. How much is minimum wage where ever you are? Because where we live you wouldn't get even close to $600 a month for minimum wage. Maybe $300 if you're lucky and work the whole week.
> 
> And thanks for not completely just going crazy on me lol. I do appreciate what some people are telling me. But some are just being mean. Our ages really don't matter. I don't see why people think they do. Like I told that one person, I have had to be mature most of my life due to helping my mother. She taught me very young to be mature. I've never had a "teenagers" life, I really didn't have a "childs" life at that. People wouldn't be saying all this about our ages if they knew us and knew our situation.
> ...


Okay, I just wanted to make sure, many people jump into marriage saying "he's perfect!" then get a HUGE reality check when the initial stage of the relationship is over, I don't want that happening to you. And as far as minimum wage, it is 7.25 where I am, I make 7.50, but even if it were 7.25, you would make about 696$ per month without factoring in taxes being taking out. So probably around 550 total. What is the minimum wage where you are?

No, I see where you are coming from. I can see both sides, actually. I asked a question similar to this and I realize that many people will not say what you want to hear and a few will. Although its easiest for me to listen the people who agree with me, I had to realize that not everyone will, and thats okay. Some will be rude, some will disagree, but it was important for me to listen to both sides, no matter how much it disappointed me to hear people disagree with what I wanted. Thank you for listening to me and responding, though, I appreciate it. 

And its true, no one on here really does know what kind of person that you are or what you've been through. I've seen seventeen year olds have the maturity of someone in their thirties, and I've seen people in their thirties have the maturity of a sixteen year old. It all depends on the person, we aren't here to judge you and say you arent mature enough, we're here to give you things to think about and to help you. Who's to say you aren't an exception to the typical maturity level at our age?

Sorry, I tend to get carried away. Back to your situation, I'm glad that you realize that it will be hard, thinking that it will be easy could cause disaster when you don't get what you expect. And I agree about the love thing. One of the biggest factors in a marriage should be love. And by love, I think that love is not only a feeling, but a commitment. It is a commitment to your partner and a promise to remain faithful and to be there for them. If you have that, then you are off to a great start.

Okay, well its good that you plan to move out soon, tensions with your mother in law could put a huge strain on your relationship. Its a smart choice to have a small wedding and save your money for your own place. Do you intend to get an apartment, or a house?

And you are very welcome. Don't worry about typos or writing too much, I tend to write a lot as well.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

CharlotteMarie said:


> To get advice like what monicagrace27, and SimplyAmorous have given me. Not to be mocked or attacked by people like you and everyone else.


I've attacked you? All I did was say that you asked a question, everyone has said it seems like yes, it would be unhealthy to be newlyweds in the situation you've described. So now that you have your response, what are you going to do with that feedback?

From the looks of things, you're going to ignore everyone's advice if it doesn't agree with what you want to do. All I can say is that I truly wish you well, but there's a reason why so many people said the same thing. None of us have a stake in seeing you get married or not, really we don't. But from the outside looking in, it's like watching a slow moving train wreck.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

swedish said:


> I am not sure I understand what you mean by 'paying so much here'. Are you referring to the cost of living in your area or the amount he is paying his mom to live there? Is she financially dependent on his income? If so, I can see where that might delay you moving out on your own.


The amount he's paying here. It's ridiculous and for the cost he pays here, we could have our own place.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

Angel5112 said:


> And for what it's worth monicagrace, I do think YOU are mature enough for marriage. I do think that you hold some idealistic views about marriage and the world, which could someday bite you in the butt, and I do think that there would be benefits to you waiting, but you seem to be ready for the things that can be thrown at you. You are looking at things from all sides and considering all options.
> 
> I got married when I was 20. I have no issues with young marriage. It takes an extremely mature person to pull off though. I was ready because I had to grow up at 16. My H was ready because he was older and had reached a point in his life where he wanted to settle down. You are ready because of your unique maturity level and goal oriented nature. Now you just have to figure out if your boyfriend is truly ready.
> 
> Comparing you and the OP is like comparing apples and oranges. Just saying.


You just seriously contradicted yourself and that is ridiculous.. 
"just saying"


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

Angel5112 said:


> I, and several others, gave you good solid advice. It wasn't mocking, judgmental, or mean. It was just the harsh truth and you didn't like it. You didn't come for advice, you came to be coddled. If your relationship is so pure, perfect, and you are so sure of it, one must ask why you sought out and posted on a marriage forum? That was a rhetorical question by the way, because I am sure I, as well as all the others who have been offering advice, know what you came here for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At what point did I say my relationship is pure and perfect? It is FAR from perfect. And you're saying Monica is mature and ready for marriage.. we have agreed on all the same things in our posts and you're saying she is, but I'm not? Did you read anything that I said to her? Anything? Or did you just skim through it and see what you wanted to see?
No I'm not here to be "coddled" I never in my life expect "coddling" from any person whatsoever. I came for advice. And frankly, what most of you have been doing, is NOT giving advice. It is simply being mean and then when I say what I feel about it. It makes me look like a bad person and immature, and all this bull. Really, I'm going to give you an old line I've heard my whole life "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" I, myself have never went by that, my mind seems to want to just get everything out that I think of when I get mad or upset. Yes, I get out of line, that's my problem. I can deal with that. If you were just going to not be nice this whole time. You shouldn't have wasted your time posting. Most of you just posted because you were bored and wanted to just argue with some "little kid" that I apparently am. Goodbye and please, stop posting on my thread. Thanks. Bye.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

monicagrace27 said:


> Okay, I just wanted to make sure, many people jump into marriage saying "he's perfect!" then get a HUGE reality check when the initial stage of the relationship is over, I don't want that happening to you. And as far as minimum wage, it is 7.25 where I am, I make 7.50, but even if it were 7.25, you would make about 696$ per month without factoring in taxes being taking out. So probably around 550 total. What is the minimum wage where you are?
> 
> No, I see where you are coming from. I can see both sides, actually. I asked a question similar to this and I realize that many people will not say what you want to hear and a few will. Although its easiest for me to listen the people who agree with me, I had to realize that not everyone will, and thats okay. Some will be rude, some will disagree, but it was important for me to listen to both sides, no matter how much it disappointed me to hear people disagree with what I wanted. Thank you for listening to me and responding, though, I appreciate it.
> 
> ...


Yeah for real. I get where you're coming from. I know he isn't perfect though. At the beginning of our relationship, I really did think he was perfect, and could do no wrong. But as he grew on me, I started realizing his flaws. Not a bad thing. At least I know them now. He can be a real pain in the booty at times, but what guy isn't?
Hmm, I think it's 5.00 here still. I'm not really sure. They may have went up on it. Last I heard it wasn't much though.

Exactly, and everyone is saying I'm getting defensive and disrespectful and calling me immature, calling me all kinds of stuff because they think I didn't hear what I wanted too. Well what I wanted to hear is people giving me advice and actually being a person about it like you. I don't see why everyone is being so negative about me. It's like I give off some vibe that tells me not to like me or something. It's just ignorant. But yeah, thank YOU for actually talking to me like I'm somebody and not just this little kid that doesn't know what on earth she's doing. Honestly I know exactly what I'm doing. 

Yeah, exactly. I have never really seen it until recently. But I really am mature for my age. I have been told by tons of people and I'm starting to see it. I see 15, 16, 17 year old's acting like little children than I see these even 18, 19, 20 year old's acting like a little 10 year old and telling me that *I'M* immature and that *I* need to grow up.. It's like "grow up yourself than come back and talk to me" seriously.. I know I can be immature at times. But everyone is at times. You know? 

Yeah, I tend to get carried away at times too. But yeah, no one seems to think the love part is important, when it is. It plays a HUGE part in marriages. There's this one guy that said that when I get married it's not just my business, it's EVERYONE'S business. Well from what I have learned, when two people get married, the only one's who have business in it, are the couple, their preacher/counselor and God. I don't see how two people's marriage becomes a community thing, because it doesn't. That has got to be the least smart thing I have ever heard. If that were the case, than our preacher wouldn't just be marrying James and I, he would be marrying everyone in the county we live in and ALL of us would be supporting each other. Am I right?

Well, I want to get an apartment, but the government apartments around here have such strict rules, and so many druggies and crazy people in them. I don't feel safe living in them. My sister and I lived in government apartments a few years ago and it was just completely crazy. Beyond. 
And yeah, I never expected to have a big wedding to begin with,. I want it to be as small and personal as possible. Not too many people or whatever. I know tensions with the mother in law causes problems but I'm willing to deal with it until we actually do get our own place. I pretty much have no choice but to deal with it at this point. And no I'm NOT ungrateful, for the people who said I was. I'm not. I'm really thankful and I very VERY much appreciate his mother taking me in. Just because he and I wanted me to live here, she was nice enough to let me come here. I am not too crazy about her anymore, but I still appreciate it SO much that she let me come here. 
I just noticed I started almost all the paragraphs with yeah.... lol.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Everyone out there thinks they are mature for their age. How often do you hear people say "Yeah, I'm a total loser and completely immature!" and yet how many completely immature losers do you run into?

Also, your definitions of "making this short," "leaving," "deleting," and "buh bye" are interesting. Not to tell you to run away and delete things, just saying that throwing threats of leaving around without being sincere is kind of... immature. Like temper tantrum-y. 

Won't work well in a marriage setting. Someday, he might just tell you to go ahead and leave without trying to stop you. I tell you this because games and temper tantrums don't work in relationships.

Also, I agree with whoever said it is weird for a 22 year old to want to be with a 17 year old in the first place. Honestly, there is usually something wrong with guys in their 20s who seek out relationships with teens.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> Everyone out there thinks they are mature for their age. How often do you hear people say "Yeah, I'm a total loser and completely immature!" and yet how many completely immature losers do you run into?
> 
> Also, your definitions of "making this short," "leaving," "deleting," and "buh bye" are interesting. Not to tell you to run away and delete things, just saying that throwing threats of leaving around without being sincere is kind of... immature. Like temper tantrum-y.
> 
> ...


Yeah and also. Your reply makes no sense.


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## s3xy_g33k (Apr 11, 2012)

Her reply makes perfect sense. I think you are angry, confused, and defensive. You are in a difficult situation, we can all see that, but it's how you choose to handle it that matters. There is not one person here that doesn't hope for the best for you, that's why they are trying to give your their opinions that you keep rejecting. Of course it is your right to reject what they say, but why are you asking for help in the first place then? You seem to have your mind made up. I truly do hope that things work out for you and you can come back and post about how wonderful your marriage is, but I think for that to happen, you might have to make a few changes.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

s3xy_g33k said:


> Her reply makes perfect sense. I think you are angry, confused, and defensive. You are in a difficult situation, we can all see that, but it's how you choose to handle it that matters. There is not one person here that doesn't hope for the best for you, that's why they are trying to give your their opinions that you keep rejecting. Of course it is your right to reject what they say, but why are you asking for help in the first place then? You seem to have your mind made up. I truly do hope that things work out for you and you can come back and post about how wonderful your marriage is, but I think for that to happen, you might have to make a few changes.


Confused? Confused about what? And yes I have all the right to reject opinions. Especially when they're mean.
Tell me, what changes I have to make? What ever happened too "don't change for anyone" yes, I get angry, everyone gets angry. BIG DEAL. I have to be perfect before I get married? That's pretty much what everyone is saying. YOU people do NOT understand.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yeah and also. Your reply makes no sense.


Not sure why the "Yeah and also" was necessary. Now *your* reply makes no sense. 

My post basically said: 
1. You are not mature, you throw temper tantrums and use childish, snotty language.
2. If you use the "I'm leaving!" threat on your husband like you have here he will eventually tell you to sh!t or get off the pot. 
3. Your husband must have something wrong with him for being in his 20's and wanting to be with a teenager.


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## s3xy_g33k (Apr 11, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Confused? Confused about what? And yes I have all the right to reject opinions. Especially when they're mean.
> Tell me, what changes I have to make? What ever happened too "don't change for anyone" yes, I get angry, everyone gets angry. BIG DEAL. I have to be perfect before I get married? That's pretty much what everyone is saying. YOU people do NOT understand.


You're confused about what you should do. That's why you're here. I never said you had to be perfect. No one is perfect. The changes I'm talking about are more closely related to your living and financial situations. You shouldn't HAVE to change for anyone, but sometimes it just happens.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yeah and also. Your reply makes no sense.


:scratchhead:
Makes PERFECT sense


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

*public announcement-children, stay in school*


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> Not sure why the "Yeah and also" was necessary. Now *your* reply makes no sense.
> 
> My post basically said:
> 1. You are not mature, you throw temper tantrums and use childish, snotty language.
> ...


You're judging.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> You're judging.


Alert the press!


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Look, I can be a snarky, cynical PITA but I am posting because I don't want you to make a huge mistake. You haven't finished school- if you two decide to have kids in the future and something happens to him or you divorce, how are you going to be able to support yourself and your family?

You still respond to people with incredibly immature, childish comments. "Buh bye" being one of them. It makes it sound like you haven't properly socialized since you left school in 5th grade. Sounding like a child is a huge indication that you are not ready for marriage. You think you are, but you honestly have no idea what life outside of the parental home is like. You still have his mom nagging at you and providing a roof.

What happens if you guys never save enough to move out? What happens if you are with your MIL for the next 8 years? You can't stand her now and you've only been together 10 months (not sure how long you've lived with him out of that). 

We were all young, we know how wonderful it is to get wrapped up in loving someone. We also know that almost no teen relationships last. They just don't. You *want* to be the exception, but understand that realistically that isn't how it works. EVERYONE thinks they are the exception yet almost no one is.

ETA: Just wanting something doesn't make it happen or work out. To quote something I heard on a ridiculous show I watched a while back... "People in hell want ice water, but that don't mean they get it."


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Please tell me that being on welfare isn't your fallback option.

Seriously.

At least try to get off to a good start. I know some people need it but it should never be looked at as an income option.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Please tell me that being on welfare isn't your fallback option.
> 
> Seriously.
> 
> At least try to get off to a good start. I know some people need it but it should never be looked at as an income option.


 Where did that even come from? I've never even thought about wel fare. I'm not sorry like that and going to depend on the state to support me like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> Alert the press!


 Yeah. I really hope you know that judging is a SIN.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

*To the one who knows it all.*

You want me to act immature? Will that satisfy you? In that case. "Oh. My. Gosh. You are being such a butt! Ugh I'm gonna go tell my mama and she's gonna find you. I know my life and relationship are perfect. I know everything is. In fact I want to have a baby right now just so I'll have company when I'm alone!" There. Now I'm immature. Congratulations. You can't keep calling someone somethin and expect them not to act that way!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yeah, but see, if it weren't for him paying so much here, we could get our own place...


So your soon-to-be husband is paying rent to his mother and you and he will be paying her rent.

It sounds like the two of you could pay for your own place now.

It is your fiance who is refusing to get a place of your own right now?


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> *public announcement-children, stay in school*


 Did you even go to school? Really. Everyone is basing this on me leaving school in 5th, not knowing my situation to why I had too leave and not knowing I was homeschooled the rest of school.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So your soon-to-be husband is paying rent to his mother and you and he will be paying her rent.
> 
> It sounds like the two of you could pay for your own place now.
> 
> It is your fiance who is refusing to get a place of your own right now?


 No. He's not refusing. We just can't find a place right now and he's scared to leave her alone right now because of her condition. He's wanting to wait until we can find someone to live with her so he doesn't have to keep a check up on her every day after we leave. We're pretty much just still staying to help her out at the current moment. I know.. It sounds bad but we don't want anythin happening to her and she is also still helping us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yeah. I really hope you know that judging is a SIN.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then you've been a saint. 

Also

"Now I'm immature. Congratulations. You can't keep calling someone somethin and expect them not to act that way!"

Grow up and take some responsibility for the way you act. Don't even try to blame us for your immaturity, that's pathetic.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> Then you've been a saint.
> 
> Also
> "Now I'm immature. Congratulations. You can't keep calling someone somethin and expect them not to act that way!"
> ...


Grow up? Is that all you people know how to say is grow up? Really? I grew up way before I was even supposed to for your information. I take responsibility for the way I act and everything I do. You are who is being immature at this point. If you want me to be immature. I'll show you. But seriously. Just stop with that. You do not know me to be calling me immature. Not only is that disrespectful to me. But you're also disrespecting my parents. Also, you're still judging. And no I'm not a saint. But I am a christian and I DO know that JUDGING IS WRONG. And if we are making the wrong decision than God will definitely let us know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CharlotteMarie,

I think that a lot of people here are actually concerned about you getting married. Part of the concern is that you are not only so young but living with your MIL and not being able to have your own place will impact your marriage in a very bad way.

50 years ago marriage at your age was very common for girls. It’s not any more for many reasons. One of them is that our society puts a lot of negative pressures on marriage and very little positive pressure to keep a young couple together. Adding a baby to the mix so early in a marriage will make it even harder for you. Babies are hard on a marriage.



> “So what exactly is the divorce rate for teen marriages? It's pretty grim: Teen marriages are twice as likely to fail compared with those between older couples. Let's take a closer look at the facts on married teens.
> 
> One-third of teenage marriages (where the bride is younger than 18) end in divorce within five years, and almost half wind up divorcing within 10 years. Those aren't great odds to begin with, but add parenthood to the mix and it can be a recipe for disaster. Only 30 percent of teen mothers who marry after their child is born are still married by the time they're 40.


Divorce Rates For Teen Marriages Revealed

Since you are getting married I wish you all the good fortune. I hope you can come to terms with your MIL. I hope that you and your husband grow old together in happiness. If you do you will be beating the odds that are stacked against you.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Grow up? Is that all you people know how to say is grow up? Really? I grew up way before I was even supposed to for your information. I take responsibility for the way I act and everything I do. You are who is being immature at this point. If you want me to be immature. I'll show you. But seriously. Just stop with that. You do not know me to be calling me immature. Not only is that disrespectful to me. But you're also disrespecting my parents. Also, you're still judging. And no I'm not a saint. But I am a christian and I DO know that JUDGING IS WRONG. And if we are making the wrong decision than God will definitely let us know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"I take responsibility for the way I act and everything I do"
+
"There. Now I'm immature. Congratulations. You can't keep calling someone somethin and expect them not to act that way!"

Also, I know you are immature by what you say. I don't honestly care if you tell me I'm a judgmental, sinning, immature dolt because I expect to get that from a kid who thinks they are mature and doesn't want to listen to anything other people say. 

People make judgements all the time. We take information in and are expected to act based on that information. Without the ability to make judgements you are stuck in limbo, never making any decisions. When you post on a forum asking for advice, people will take the information given to them, process it, and give you what they judge to be the best advice for that situation. The very nature of your post requires me to be judgmental.

Judgment: the formation of an opinion after consideration or deliberation; the capacity to form an opinion by distinguishing and evaluating

If you think judging is wrong, why do you do it? It is hypocritical to call out someone for being judgmental if you are judgmental yourself. 

Maybe God IS letting you know you are making the wrong decision and you are choosing to willfully ignore it because it doesn't fit with what you want. Maybe God led you to these forums to get you to think again.

ETA: I'm seeing close to 50% divorce rate in teen marriages as opposed to 24% from 25+. You have a 50/50 chance of getting divorced (you are probably more likely than that given the circumstances). 

We are being a pain in the butt because it honestly is not a good idea. :/


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

If it's not a good idea than why on earth does it feel so right? Why am I so certain of it if it's such a bad idea?....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I couldn't resist it:

Given your level of maturity, reactions and the situation with the mother-in-law and your husband's attachment to her condition, I predict a very painful road to divorce-land in less than one year.

You'll be hard pressed to make it past the 1-year mark. After that, the trouble will most likely double or triple in order to make it to through the 2nd and 3rd year.

Before you turn 25, with your mindset, I predict you'll have at least 2 children with their daddy(or daddies) nowhere around while you work your butt off at the local McDonald's just to feed them.

I sincerely hope my prediction turns out to be false, but let's just say, I know too many CharlotteMaries in my life to bank on my hopes.

Good luck with everything. You'll learn a great deal of lessons in the next 3-4 years. One day you'll wish you could've turned the clock back and reversed some of the decisions you made before you reached your 20s. We all have the same wish. For some people though, those wishes coming true would mean a lot more than others. 

Congratulations. Never say you couldn't have known. You could have.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> If it's not a good idea than why on earth does it feel so right? Why am I so certain of it if it's such a bad idea?....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because it feels good right now. 

No one can tell you if your marriage will fail or be good or bad right now. We don't know either of you or his mother. We can only go by what normally happens. 

What I would suggest is that you not have a child right away. Instead it's wise to take about 5 years to let the two of you grow together as a couple, save money, etc. Babies early in a marriage, especially a young marriage, often lead to a lot of problems. Many women lose interest in sex after the baby. They put a lot of effort into their baby as it's requried. And their husband ends up feeling ignored. And with that the marriage slides to it's unhappy end. Take a lot of time for yourselves at first. The first year of marriage is often very hard. It's a huge adjustment. You are both young and have a lifetime to get to know each other, have children, etc. So take the time, the first few years, just for yourselves.

Since you are going through with the wedding, my suggestion is that the two of you learn as much as you can about what makes a good marriage. Look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. They could be a great help to both of you.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> If it's not a good idea than why on earth does it feel so right? Why am I so certain of it if it's such a bad idea?....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hormones, romanticism, ignorance. It isn't your fault you are ignorant, we all were at that age. It's hard to understand what it means to have to finish school, get a job, barely scrape by on rent, have accidental pregnancies, do taxes, etc. 

Since you haven't finished school you are going to have an even harder time finding employment. People are biased against teens to begin with and not being in school would probably make it worse. 

It's hard to understand what a shortage on money does to a relationship. It can cause resentment from either party, it is stressful, things get cut back until there is nothing to cut back... 

And again, what happens if something happens to him? How are you going to live if he became permanently disabled and couldn't work? 

What happens when you have kids? Who gets up in the middle of the night? Are you both the same religion? If he changes his mind about religion are you going to be able to live with that?

What agreements have been made regarding what being faithful means. Porn? Friends of the opposite sex? Strip clubs? 

What are the views on drugs and alcohol? What about tattoos and piercings? What is he like when he is stressed? What is he like when he is seriously grieving? What is he like when he is sick?

How about cleanliness? Who is cleaning what, how often, etc. How are chores split? How upset does facial hair trimmings in the sink make you 20 minutes after you clean the bathroom? Does he always put the seat back down or will you fall in? Does he "miss" and hit the floor (and fail to clean it)? 

You are still in the honeymoon phase if you have only been with him 10 months. What happens when the hormonal love ends and it changes into a deeper love? Lots of people don't know the difference and think they aren't IN love anymore, and divorce. That initial feeling does NOT last.

ETA: The questions barely scratch the surface... Finances, how you spend money, how you budget, etc. Food. Chronic illness. How time is spent together and apart. Whether motorcycles are ok. New cars or used? Anything and everything is an opportunity for a conflict that can build resentment.

And what the heck double post...


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Question... have you guys been sexually active? I am rereading and not sure if I just missed that part.


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## monicagrace27 (Apr 3, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Yeah for real. I get where you're coming from. I know he isn't perfect though. At the beginning of our relationship, I really did think he was perfect, and could do no wrong. But as he grew on me, I started realizing his flaws. Not a bad thing. At least I know them now. He can be a real pain in the booty at times, but what guy isn't?
> Hmm, I think it's 5.00 here still. I'm not really sure. They may have went up on it. Last I heard it wasn't much though.
> 
> Exactly, and everyone is saying I'm getting defensive and disrespectful and calling me immature, calling me all kinds of stuff because they think I didn't hear what I wanted too. Well what I wanted to hear is people giving me advice and actually being a person about it like you. I don't see why everyone is being so negative about me. It's like I give off some vibe that tells me not to like me or something. It's just ignorant. But yeah, thank YOU for actually talking to me like I'm somebody and not just this little kid that doesn't know what on earth she's doing. Honestly I know exactly what I'm doing.
> ...


Okay, well recognizing that they have faults like everyone else is important. Also, is minumum wage really 5$ there? That seems very low and I thought that minimum wage was a bit more standard... perhaps I'm mistaken.

Well, I think part of it is that I can relate. I'm not sure which of us is older, but we're both 17 and both considering marriage. For me, it wouldn't be for another year, but still. And I know that maturity is a HUGE factor when it comes to whether a relationship will work or not, no matter what age.

Personally, I think that many people don't believe that love is too important because they have a different definition of it. If they think that love is just a feeling, then it probably isn't as important to them as it would be to someone that believes love to be both a feeling and a commitment. It all depends on perspective.

As far as whos business your marriage is, thats completely up to you. If you choose to share everything about your marriage with your family or community, then yes, it could be everyone's business. If you choose to keep things to yourself, then it is only you and your husband's business. The decision is completely yours.

I realize that an apartment may not be ideal, but if you find that you are not getting along with your MIL and it begins to put strain on your relationship with your husband, it may be your best option. If problems do arise with your MIL, though, what do you intend to do? And I am glad that you are grateful to her. Even if you do not get along perfectly with her, it is important that you let her know that you appreciate what she has done for you.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> Question... have you guys been sexually active? I am rereading and not sure if I just missed that part.


 Can you send me a personal message and I'll answer that? I just don't feel comfortable answering for everyone to see and end up adding something new to the topic to talk about. Ya know? And as for your other post. I'll reply here in a little bit when I get on a computer. I'm on my phone right now and it's hard to really reply to the long posts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Can you send me a personal message and I'll answer that? I just don't feel comfortable answering for everyone to see and end up adding something new to the topic to talk about. Ya know? And as for your other post. I'll reply here in a little bit when I get on a computer. I'm on my phone right now and it's hard to really reply to the long posts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh God, don't answer all the questions in the other post. It was questions for you to ask yourself. XD 

I got linked here earlier, there are questions/topics there too.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> Oh God, don't answer all the questions in the other post. It was questions for you to ask yourself. XD
> 
> I got linked here earlier, there are questions/topics there too.


No lol I wasn't going to answer all those questions. It just won't let me reply to super long posts on mobile for some reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

In case anyone is wondering, she is actually much more mature in a one on one conversation. I still personally think she is too young, but I wish her well and hope that all our concerns will make her better prepared for when the honeymoon phase is over.


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## CharlotteMarie (Apr 11, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> In case anyone is wondering, she is actually much more mature in a one on one conversation. I still personally think she is too young, but I wish her well and hope that all our concerns will make her better prepared for when the honeymoon phase is over.



Well thank you for clearing it all up 
Very much appreciated. :smthumbup:


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

If the reason that you are living at your FMIL's house is to provide care for her due to a medical condition, you should be getting paid for live-in care, NOT paying her for rent. 

(If you're not actually providing care, just there 'in case something happens,' she should not be charging you full rent. She should give you a huge break for her peace of mind.)

There are so many things I could comment on, but I am focusing on your original question because I think it is a time-bomb in any marriage to live with your MIL. 

Move out immediately. You can find an apartment. There are always apartments. You may not love the first place you see - look around at others. Your H can call his mother on the phone to make sure she's okay.

If she doesn't like that arrangement, she can pay for in-home care or she can stop charging you (so much) rent.

Problem #1 out of 100 solved.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Okay, here's some of the story. My fiancee and I are getting married Saturday April 14th, but here's the problem..
> We really don't have the money to get our own place at the moment, but are saving up money to get one in the future. Living with his mother is H3LL. She tries to be in control of everything and even wants to go on our honeymoon with us... is it healthy for us to live with her until we get the money to live on our own? How do I deal with her craziness until we DO get the money to get our own place? There's a lot to this story. But I have been typing so much, there's just entirely to much to type at this point..it's that crazy living with her...


Married my ex when we were both young as well,but I won't reflect on that as we all face trials and tribulations in our life.So I'll just wish you the best on your journey.As for whether or not it's healthy to live there while saving money and how do you deal with the craziness.I would just say,suck it up and realize its short term pain for hopefully long term gain.Just focus on your goal though you might have to bite your tongue on occasion.I know I did,as I was in a similar situation with my ex MIL.Funny thing was,over the years and even after my marriage ended,my MIL became one of my biggest supporters.Take care.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

I first saw my husband when I was 19. I knew the second I laid eyes on him that he was the one. I didn't marry him until my mid twenties though. 

I know you are going ahead with the marriage, and that is your choice. It could all work out, or it couldn't. The odds are stacked against you, so what you want to do is to make sure you know exactly what you're doing and be as prepared as you can be. Being in your own place, or at least financially stable enough to get one soon on your own would be ideal. Focus ahead on that, and try to deal with your soon to be mother in law with maturity and as calmly as you can. Stand firm on your decisions. You will be able to put your foot down a lot more when you're not living under her roof. She's going to be in your life for a long time now so do your best to maintain a relationship.

Seriously, you're 17. You don't want to listen to anybody because you're 17. Everybody posting here surely can remember that feeling? So don't attack her, all you can do at this point is to give her advice and hope she stores it away for later.

Good luck with the wedding, and saving up for your own place. Keep focused on the two of you, make sure you are financially secure (as in steady jobs and hopefully some savings) before having children. Live as much of your life as you can before you settle down and do the family thing. Plenty, plenty of time. Don't rush into everything adults do because once you become one, you can't go back. 

Ignore anyone you feel is being nasty, but store away any good advice you have read for later. It may come in handy. People are trying to help in their own funny way. Best of luck to you both.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Stop wasting time on here, Charlotte. Go get ready for your wedding tomorrow.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

CharlotteMarie said:


> Where did that even come from? I've never even thought about wel fare. I'm not sorry like that and going to depend on the state to support me like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Glad to hear it!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

kittykat09 said:


> Hormones, romanticism, ignorance. It isn't your fault you are ignorant, we all were at that age. It's hard to understand what it means to have to finish school, get a job, barely scrape by on rent, have accidental pregnancies, do taxes, etc.
> 
> Since you haven't finished school you are going to have an even harder time finding employment. People are biased against teens to begin with and not being in school would probably make it worse.
> 
> ...


I just wanna talk about love! I thought I was so grown at 17/18 :rofl:

Nothing you can tell kids this age. Just gotta let them do what they do and in about 10 years or so, they usually say, "Man, I didn't know shet!" 

My daughter is 12, almost 13...just gotta guide them and love them and hope they don't fall too hard. But, some people just gotta fall.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I am very glad that I listened to my mother, when I was engaged at eighteen years old. I would have been divorced within five years because we were just kids thinking we knew what love was. My first boyfriend was dumb as a box of hammers, emotionally abusive and very immature. He was just following his family tradition of teenage marriage. 

Kittykat, it was I who asked why a 22 year old man would want a teenage girl. How predatory and disgusting can someone be? _Normal adults date other *adults*, not high school kids_. The OP's fiance probably wanted someone naive and easy to mold.

I know that because I had a taste for older men when I was in my early twenties-all of the older men I dated tried to control me like I was their child. Took me a long time to meet my husband, who is eight years my senior but never tries to boss me around. We met when I was 25. If I met my husband at age 17, we would not have dated because he would have been finishing university then and dating _women _instead of callow teenage girls. Ugh!

How can anyone believe that they can live off of minimum wage? There is a reason it is referred to as "minimum".  Obtaining some sort of education is much more sensible than becoming a spouse with a crappy job; minimum wage is not enough to raise a family or live a comfortable life. Minimum wage is $10.25/hr here, which is $1200/monthly after taxes. The crappiest apartments in this city start at $700 which leaves only $500 left for food, transit, phone, clothing etc. People need to make at least $15 to live comfortably in this city.

More time looking at your math textbooks and less time looking at bridal magazines is in order.


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