# I need help/direction



## HelpMeInLousiana (May 11, 2010)

Let me introduce myself and my situation. I have no one to turn to and no one I can rely on other than the Most High! My wife told me that she is no longer in love with me and doesnt want me to be her husband anymore. She wants separation. But that separation would probably lead to divorce. She feels like I am not the breadwinner in the relationship and havent been taking care of her like a husband should. She also feels like I havent been physcially attracted to her and showing her the physical affection that she needs. I tell her that I love her and espically notice the little things about her that no one else would notice but yet she feels that I am not sexually attracted or satisfying to her because I am not aggressive when it comes to making love. (its been a year since we made love) I know it seems like I am all over the place but bare with me. 

Last year I lost a really good job. No ones fault but my own and thats where the stress and strain of the relationship really got rolling. I have tried to keep looking for a job but the jobs that I have accepted are no where near what I was making. So we have that, the fact that I am not physically intimate with her the way she craves and she is going to school full time and working her job full time. I was the 1st to push her to school and I told her I would never hold her back from her dreams or whatever she wanted to do to make herself better. So I know that the majority is my fault because of the things I did or havent done, she is tired and not able to fully study and concentrate on school.

I told her to just tell me that she is done with me and I will leave. Her response was that while she is done, she is hoping that we can remain friends, because thats what we was at 1st. She wants me to get my own place and have my own bills and live my own life. She also said that, "whats so bad about you having your own place and me coming to visit?" I replied, "because anytime I will see you, it will just haunt me that I WAS your husband and I screwed things up."

November 11th will be our 4th anniversary. I moved from NC to louisana to be with her. I have no family here and very little, if any, friends here at all. I love this woman. I sware I do. And to be honest with you, right now it makes no sense for us to separate when finacially its just not possible. I work for tips right now. If and when I leave (she said I have to have my own place by July) all the brunt of all the bills WE created will be on her. If she wants space...cool...but then what?

She told me that I am a great person, that I never cheated on her nor went outside of this relationship and that she'll never find anyone who treated her the way I did with undying love and commitment. But she doesnt love me anymore. I am hurt. I cry within myself and sometimes I take it to work with me cause I just want my wife back. I want my soulmate back. I want the one I pledged my life to...for better or worse...in sickness or health. I want the woman I married in Jamaica! And to go through my days knowing you are stilll in love with someone that isnt in love with you anymore kills me.

Anything positive direction or advice you can give to me would be greatly appriciated. Even if you just prayed for me that God would grant me wisdom, even that would be appriciated.

thanks and God Bless


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

something seems fishy, but i think you sense that already. sounds like she is trying to avoid a guilt trap by letting you down easy. i may be wrong, but that's kinda the way i see it. only thing you can do is what your heart tells you.


----------



## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

Have you suggested that the two of you attend marriage counseling?


----------



## HelpMeInLousiana (May 11, 2010)

lbell629 said:


> Have you suggested that the two of you attend marriage counseling?


She suggested that when things started to go downhill but I figured we could work together without counseling but I started to agree to it after it was too late. She says we are too far gone for counseling now. Once again it's something I should have done at first. Side note: we still live together til I can get enough money til I move out and I kinda caught myself trying to look into her eyes and I see nothing. I don't see that look of love that I once knew ya know. I got to make a change!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

She has wanted sex from you for a year and for a year you have been refusing to give it to her?

Why?




HelpMeInLousiana said:


> She suggested that when things started to go downhill but I figured we could work together without counseling but I started to agree to it after it was too late. She says we are too far gone for counseling now. Once again it's something I should have done at first. Side note: we still live together til I can get enough money til I move out and I kinda caught myself trying to look into her eyes and I see nothing. I don't see that look of love that I once knew ya know. I got to make a change!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I am wondering why you would withhold sex too? I am not trying to attack but sex is a very important part of a marriage....staying intimate helps people stay connected. 

I see you are religious is she? Could you maybe try the Love Dare or counseling....even if you think it is too late?


----------



## HelpMeInLousiana (May 11, 2010)

I never withheld sex from her. its just that we wasnt on the same page. She wanted to be pursued more than what I was doin. And sometimes she would drop hints or whatever and I didnt pick them up. She knew how I was when we 1st got together, but she figured it would be better once we got married. Its not to say that I never pursued her cause I did but I could have done more. As much as she wanted to be pursued, I wanted the same from my wife. 

She is religious but not as deep as me. 

I am looking into conseling for myself cause a brother could really lose his mind over this.


----------



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

It can go either way, either she is letting you go little by little to avoid a guilt trap or she just wants to see a change in you. This is the reason why you must be patient if you really want to wait for her. The absence of love in her eyes may be temporary, or permanent, again the best you can do is to be patient and keep on working on yourself. This is the reason why counseling is a great idea, it is never too late to start, we all have the capability to make a change in our behavior.

If it comes to the point when your wife decides to divorce or stay, you will be different, maybe not a completely changed man but counseling would help you to work on several issues that will serve in years to come.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you snooped? Checked her computer and her phone/text records? Everything she is saying is EXACTLY like what someone who is cheating would say.


----------

