# A Stories Conclusion



## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

First please refer to this thread I posted about a month and a half ago.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ng-cheated-am-i-just-paranoid.html#post917646

Now how it played out.

So a couple of days after she dumped me she told me that she’ll give it another try. Have you ever had tears of joy. I sure did then, we had a bit of a DNM about what happened and what I have to change. The thought of another man exited my head because well, she wants to give me another shot so why would there be another man. Right?

In the coming days I went into full blown perfect ‘husband’ mode. I did all the cooking, cleaning, cooked her a 3 course romantic dinner, offered a massage and she accepted. Boy was I lucky, I merely dodged a bullet. She continued to go out on Tuesdays and Saturdays but to see other people and catch up with other friends, she wasn’t out for as long anymore so I figured even if there was an EA she came to her senses and stopped it. While she was out I thought it would be great to spring clean a little and cook dinner. Such a good guy I am, no doubt with the pleasant surprises she gets when she arrives home will make her fall in love all over again. It was still sort of awkward though because even though she kept saying she was trying to get closer she still needed to think, so besides the occasional hug and accidental bumping into each other around the house there was virtually no contact. I was giving her all the space she needed, which also gave me a little time to go from suck up mode to think mode. Her phone was still locked and on her all the time like an appendage, then one day there was more kickers, she got her nails done for the first time in about 5 years. And the biggest of all, she HATES dance music. Pulls up in her car one day and she has the beats playing. Enough, I questioned her about all of the above and she said that nothing’s going on, when I questioned her about the music she said that her ‘friend’ (special friend or SP for short) and her are swapping music, her music and his music. I asked what music is he listening to, she listed of about 5 bands, 3 of which I introduced her to. Still being in partial suck up / save my relationship mode I didn’t take much notice of it.

Then I snapped again one Friday night after going out to see Ted with her (funniest movie I’ve ever seen and I didn’t laugh once). One of our mutual female friends called and asked what we we’re up to because she wanted us to drop over her and her husbands (her husband is my best friend) place for drinks. She said we just finished watching Ted and we’ll come over (she had our friend on speaker phone). Female friend then asked in a derogatory manner “Who are you with?” “BF (me) of course who else would I be with” she answered “Oh nothing just thought you may have been out with some other friends”. On the way home we stopped at a light and I said “something else is going on with you isn’t it” “what do you mean?” she asked. I looked her straight in the eye and said “what’s going on with you and SF?” “nothing, he’s just a friend”. We got home because I was in no mood to go out, I was pissed. I told her that I’m moving to my parents place and she can make up her mind what or who she wants in her life. She started crying a little and begged me not to go so I promised I’ll stay. She went out to our friends place for about 2 hours, told then a story that I was tired and then returned at about 11pm. We had a talk where I begged her to just let me go if she was interested SF rather than to continue to put me through what I was going through. We were supposed to go up to the cheers pup where everyone knows everyone the next day and I begged her not to put me through this if someone knows, even if it’s the other person. She assured me nothing is happening and he’s just a friend.

The next day comes and she goes up at around 1pm, I then leave and arrive there at around 5pm and what do I see. SF and my 10 year GF at the front bar, he has his kid along, she was always freaked out by kids, even her own niece and nephew… but not this one, she’s playing with him with a huge smile on her face. Flicking her hair and flirting with SF like a 16 year old. Then following him around the pup like a lost dog. I was sitting next to other friends and I pulled her aside when I had the chance. Told her “tonight I’m moving out and you make up your mind, call me when you do” amongst other things. I packed enough clothes for a month.

A week later on a Monday she sends me a text to come over and talk. During that week I had comfort that a few of my friends called me up and told me something was up with those two and the details. When I returned home she made the dumping official. I cut loose and told her everyone has been speaking to me etc. She continued with the he’s just a friend scenario (read this article Emotional Affairs 101 she ticked every box on page 5-6). I walked out but before I did I checked the number of condoms we had left. 4 left. About a week later I came over so we can talk about assets, checked the condoms --- 2 left…… We then had an in depth discussion about what happened and what she did. Her story was “but we didn’t do anything when you and I were together” so I told her “yes you did, you had an affair. An affair is regular and repeated behaviour with another person that your partner does not know about and would make you feel uncomfortable if they did” she rolled her eyes. So I asked her “would you have felt comfortable if I had read your text messages with SF while we were going out? How about if I heard the conversations that you two had? When it became clear that there was sexual tension between you two what did you do?” She put on a poker face. So I said “You had an affair, you’re a cheat”

The next Saturday I came over to pick up a few more things and she was in tears and said, “I’m sorry I should have been there for you” “I should have stayed at home” Blah blah blah. I told her “It’s too late for that now” and walked out again. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My heart wants to forgive and take her back but after the lies and betrayal she put me through, my mind tells me no. I will stick with no, it would forever stick in the back of my head what she did to me and I’m not sure if I can live with that.

I’d rather be single than to be manipulated, lied to, cheated on and humiliated.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My heart goes out to you. Ten years and she throws it away.


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## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> My heart goes out to you. Ten years and she throws it away.


Don't worry Matt, we just built this house which we will sell and divide the assets, I've still got the renovators bug. I'm thinking of using the $$$ to buy an old crusty unit with a small courtyard. Smashing the bathroom, laundry, backyard, kitchen and floors. Putting in all new stuff and making a bachelor pad…. With a spa in the courtyard. Then turn into Barney Stinson.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

bb1, thanks for the update.
you would not listen but you was no fool.
NEVER give a cheater another chance to disrespect you.

Infact, with your inside knowledge, you could be very well off fixing and flipping in a few yrs.
Concentrate on that for now, as for those FRIENDS that finally said something, start treating them like new aquintances.
They may have been so busy getting their party on to notice, but I wouldn't bet on it.

And GOOD LUCK on your prosperous future !!!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> Her story was “but we didn’t do anything when you and I were together”


I would have lost it here. Don't know how you held it there. Especially after the number of chances you gave her to come clean and let you go. What a lying POS. Avoid this parasite.

Read about the 180.



> The next Saturday I came over to pick up a few more things and she was in tears and said, “I’m sorry I should have been there for you” “I should have stayed at home” Blah blah blah. I told her “It’s too late for that now” and walked out again. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My heart wants to forgive and take her back but after the lies and betrayal she put me through, my mind tells me no. I will stick with no, it would forever stick in the back of my head what she did to me and I’m not sure if I can live with that.
> *
> I’d rather be single than to be manipulated, lied to, cheated on and humiliated.
> *


Words of a true man.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So she slept with him right after you moved out and she made the dumping official? And how can she even deny the affair?


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## gingerlily (Aug 29, 2012)

I'm sorry you went through all this. I'm struggling to understand my own next step after my fiance's contact with another woman yesterday.



bb16a said:


> I’d rather be single than to be manipulated, lied to, cheated on and humiliated.


Stay strong and keep this in mind. You're absolutely right and considering what you posted it's the healthiest decision. GL.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Remember to expose her cheating to friends and family, they deserve to know what kind of person they have in their lives, someone they cannot trust.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

warlock07 said:


> So she slept with him right after you moved out and she made the dumping official? And how can she even deny the affair?


The hamster is strong in this one. See, she's not just some skank who cheated on her boyfriend. She was completely honorable. It was her boyfriend who was a paranoid jerk who was seeing things that didn't exist. The fact that she immediately slept with the man her boyfriend believed she was cheating with is nothing more than coincidence. She's a damned hero.


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## Dewy (Aug 29, 2012)

good for you man, dont look back. there will be times you will feel weak, like when she is crying, but just keep the thought of her and her lover together in your mind . stay strong


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I would expose it as well. Sorry you are going through this.


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## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> So she slept with him right after you moved out and she made the dumping official? And how can she even deny the affair?


No she dumped me then slept with him. That way she would have thought her conscious was clear. I actually don't care if they were banging even while we were going out, it's irrelivant. 
It sort of reminds me of a story of a heavily catholic couple that I knew which weren’t married but lived together and were going to get married in about a month. I asked them ‘so what’s going to change when you get married?’ and the wife to be answered ‘We get to have sex’. That came as a shock to me at first but then she told me how they’ve done everything else under the sun (oral etc) and I thought ‘so because you two haven’t actually bumped uglies you think your innocent and pure, give me a break’


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## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

gingerlily said:


> I'm sorry you went through all this. I'm struggling to understand my own next step after my fiance's contact with another woman yesterday.
> 
> 
> 
> Stay strong and keep this in mind. You're absolutely right and considering what you posted it's the healthiest decision. GL.


It guess it’s easier on me because I have people coming to me about what a bad person she is to do this, at the same time I’m cautious in what I say because you don’t know who your real friends are and who’s just coming to stare at the train wreck or learn gossip. 
I calmed down about a week after she made it official. How? A mate took me out and we got hammered, I met an old friend who got dumped by his GF 6 years ago and he lost his mind (she actually left him for nothing because he was a dead beat), we had a talk and I found that he is still bitter, twisted and crazy. I freaked out in a drunken state half way through our conversation because I thought ‘oh my god I’m going to be like him’ and walked back to my mates place. On the long walk back I realised. I’m not like him, I have a good job, I’m self-motivated, I cook, I clean, I fix things around the house and I don’t have to be asked to do them, that’s actually really appealing to women. He was a dead beat stoner, and probably still is. 
The next morning I woke up and it didn’t take long to work out exactly what happened and how the pieces fell apart. I wrote it down (what I on this article sounds nothing like it), how it happened, the differences in our personalities that made her want to go out and me stay at home etc. It was a revelation. I’ve been writing a lot of thoughts and future goals down recently about what I want in future friends and a future woman. It has helped calm me down, maybe because when I read it back again it appears to be an objective point of view.


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## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Remember to expose her cheating to friends and family, they deserve to know what kind of person they have in their lives, someone they cannot trust.


Dude, the place where we hung out is part of a large sporting chain of pubs, friends and acquaintances. At the one that we mostly hung around there were around 100 odd regulars and theres 5 of them. I received calls from people from other centres (sports pubs) giving me the ‘I know something you need to know’ and I reply ‘yeah mate I already know’. Last call was yesterday. Over 300 odd people will know by now. When a regular couple everyone knows that’s been together for 10 years break up in such a dramatic fashion. Everyone’s on it. Gives me a sense of comfort. For her though, it will ruin her. She has never had anyone that has openly disliked or lost respect for her. She has always had a good rep of being witty, alternative and flawless. Gives me a sort of evil smile on the inside. When I get the chance to speak with her dad I will inform him, her mum will refuse to think her little precious is capable of going such a thing. But her father is analytical and he will piece it together.


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## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

Dewy said:


> good for you man, dont look back. there will be times you will feel weak, like when she is crying, but just keep the thought of her and her lover together in your mind . stay strong


Funny, the thought of them two going at it is a great coping mechanism. I'm starting to need it less every day though because I'm looking forward to seing the train wreck that is her life.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

decisions have been made ,the battle is over, let the healing begin


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Walk tall Dude, and watch those friends. All of a sudden they all want to tell you about her and him.
Why didn't they do it before since they knew something was up with those two ?? Even your best friend and his wife.

Well its water under the bridge now. You have bigger and better in front of you.

AND remember, " success make ppl want to see you fail, even some suppose friends."


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## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> Walk tall Dude, and watch those friends. All of a sudden they all want to tell you about her and him.
> Why didn't they do it before since they knew something was up with those two ?? Even your best friend and his wife.
> 
> Well its water under the bridge now. You have bigger and better in front of you.
> ...


I don’t blame them for not telling me. I knew anyway and they would have been in the position that they could not be sure. What if a friend told you that he thinks your wife is up to something with a guy and then he was wrong. It would make him look like a fool and you would lose respect for him, so would your wife. And if you were in that position and you were wrong then your friend would probably tell you to G F because your disrespecting his wife. You can never be 100% sure when all you see is flirting. Still I know I have to tread very carfully around everyone thats not family for the moment.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

I would listen, and thank him. Then look for myself. Iv'e seen toooo much to not listen. And anyone who KNOWS me would have to be pretty sure before approaching.

But I understand where you are coming from.
The way your BF wife asked who she was with, showed they didn't think the friendship was right.


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

bb16a said:


> The next Saturday I came over to pick up a few more things and she was in tears and said, “I’m sorry I should have been there for you” “I should have stayed at home” Blah blah blah. I told her “It’s too late for that now” and walked out again. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My heart wants to forgive and take her back but after the lies and betrayal she put me through, my mind tells me no. I will stick with no, it would forever stick in the back of my head what she did to me and I’m not sure if I can live with that.
> 
> I’d rather be single than to be manipulated, lied to, cheated on and humiliated.


You'll end up convinced that this is the bravest thing you've ever done when time clears the sadness and the hurt from your mind.
She may be dying of remorse, but something she did and you noticed is proof that you did the right thing.
When you confronted her and made clear it was the last time you'll do it, she made a poker a face. In her head, winning an argument worth more than your pain, hurt, sadness and feelings (both for her and of betrayel) put together.
I had something similar and it was really one of the biggest pills to swallow. You're brave, dude and we'll land on our feet.

You're really better off her.


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## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> I would listen, and thank him. Then look for myself. Iv'e seen toooo much to not listen. And anyone who KNOWS me would have to be pretty sure before approaching.
> 
> But I understand where you are coming from.
> The way your BF wife asked who she was with, showed they didn't think the friendship was right.


Of course they didn’t. I went over their place after the break up and they told me everything they know or thought. About a week before she broke it off with me for the first time this best friend of mine even said she’s been acting like a d1ckhead. I was about to punch him, recently I told him how I felt at the time and apologised.


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## bb16a (Jul 18, 2012)

Another update. I told a couple of work colleges an abbreviated story of what happened and just this weekend past I went to a big midyear work party with about 100 odd staff. It’s incredible how rumours fly at work. And it all turned out for the positive, 3 women at work all of the sudden started showing interest and flirting with me. One of them even flat out told me ‘I’m really sorry for what happened to you but I’m glad, because I’ve had a crush on you for months’ (she’s classy and hot as hell). Going out on a date this week!!!


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