# Being alone is excrutiatingly hard



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I went from my parents home to a long, difficult marriage. I've detailed on other posts that my kids live with the ex, I don't see them as he's poisoned them. 

I've joined meet ups, I talk with friends, or go to their places, I do lunches. None of it seems to help. Coming home to an empty condo is a killer. 

Everyone says, focus on YOU now. Well I just plain, plain hate sitting alone. 

I've been separated 9 months now. He won't cooperate or answer my lawyers letters. He wont' give me a copy of the keys to our little hobby farm. The kids don't return my texts. 

Everyone says that a person has to learn to live alone and like it before they should date. Well it's 9 months and I totally detest being alone. They also say wait until you are divorced to date, well I can't even get him to answer the letters for a legal separation.

He's still emailing me: shaming and blaming me for leaving, telling me the kids are stressed and sick and I should come back and work things out. 

I live about 6 blocks from the family home and it's beyond horrible knowing the kids are so close, yet so far.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am so sorry, Indie. That sounds awful. 

Why won't your kids speak to you? Have you tried to reach out to them to tell them how you feel/what happened? Don't be a martyr and just sit back. Don't be mistreated. 

Re: your husband and the legal stuff: file paperwork through the courts compelling him to answer. A judge can make him. Are you filing for divorce? It may be best to do that if that is what the end result will be instead of going through the paperwork of separation.

As for his nasty emails to you; you do not have to respond at all unless it relates to the legalities of your separation/divorce and/or co-parenting issues. Know that.

Being alone - can feel so hard. So hard. Especially when you are used to being around people. Call up old friends, get a good support group (family/friends), go out, get a new hobby, exercise, get some sunlight, take a daytrip, do something you've always wanted to do. The lonelines can feel like an absolute hell, as can the separation/divorce. 9 months is still early in though, IMO. For some of us, it takes longer. At nine months, I was not even in the initial stages of my healing. i was still very hurt. It took me forever before I started to feel normal again. 

In time, you will start to feel better. It's not a marathon at all. Keep your head up.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

Sorry for what you are going through Indie.

Being alone is hard. Just think it will get better, with time. The healing, acceptance, etc, is different for everyone. I would say don't just do anything to keep the loneliness at bay, do things that you like, that make you happy. The rest of the time, let the pain, loneliness, happen. Feel it, accept it. The whole situation is a process though, and it takes time.

One more thing...you are not alone. Many of us here, are going through the same pain, loneliness, etc.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I love being alone. I live in a large apartment building now and have made several friends in the building that I occasionally do things with but I enjoy most of all being alone. Shutting that door and the world behind me. I read lots of books and read lots of stories on TAM and work out every day and research topics I'm interested in and email friends. 

Your life WILL be better.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Openminded said:


> I love being alone. I live in a large apartment building now and have made several friends in the building that I occasionally do things with but I enjoy most of all being alone. Shutting that door and the world behind me.


I hear you. I once couldn't fathom life w/o Mr. Ex Jelly and now I feel like I am getting to a point where I can't imagine sharing my space with anyone. I love that I have my bachelorette pad and it's just me. 

With time, indie will get there.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you. I once couldn't fathom life w/o Mr. Ex Jelly and now I feel like I am getting to a point where I can't imagine sharing my space with anyone. I love that I have my bachelorette pad and it's just me.
> 
> With time, indie will get there.


Smiling. Exactly!!


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Your children won't speak with you? You're 6 blocks away and in separation?

How old are your kiddos?

What does the MSA or Temporary Parenting Plan say? What is your Parenting Time? 

Why aren't you enforcing it and seeing them?

He doesn't have to answer anything. You can however sue for divorce. He will be served. If he so chooses to ignore service and response deadlines, a default judgment would be awarded to you.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I have detailed in other posts, my children are 14 and 22, I had visitation with my dd s, then she realized that there are no rules at dads, he basically bought her. He is very manipulative and abusive and if I would not respond to his emails, or give him money when he wanted it he would tell the kids that they can't afford groceries, he can't buy their school books. Parental Alienation is what it is called. 
I have done all my investigations and the courts will not enforce or maintain custody arrangements at her age. So I am screwed. He had the 3 year PA, he was verbally abusive to the point where I took dd and left, and now this. He always wins, because no one will stoop as low as him.


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## Sincererlytrying (Oct 31, 2012)

indiecat said:


> I went from my parents home to a long, difficult marriage. I've detailed on other posts that my kids live with the ex, I don't see them as he's poisoned them.
> 
> I've joined meet ups, I talk with friends, or go to their places, I do lunches. None of it seems to help. Coming home to an empty condo is a killer.
> 
> ...


2-3 months after I moved out, one of the 3 dogs that she kept developed a knee injury and needed to rest. I took the dog while she healed and the kid's mom agreed I should keep her (ranch house, no other dogs to stress her).

She has been wonderful for me. I never feel alone. We take walks. We have a routine. After a long day at work, she is always there to greet me at the door. She loves when the kids are with me. Knee has healed, though she's a little slower.

Last weekend I had a four day business trip. Kid's mother watched my dog. She told me she really missed that dog and that the dog loves to see the other 2. We even had a bit of a disagreement because I wanted to pick up the dog immediately and she wanted it to stay another night. Anyway, the next morning, she dropped the dog off at my place. That animal ran at me like a rocket and stood at my side, while the ex handed me her stuff.

So, if you are feeling lonely in your home, I am suggesting a trip to the animal shelter. I am a dog person, but a cat might work for you. Trust me. Watch the video on YouTube titled "Unloved"


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Indie,

Are you afraid to be alone?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I am a bit afraid to be alone. I worry that he watches my place, I've told him not to pick up my prescriptions and he still does and leaves them in my mailbox. I've changed pharmacies. My car windshield has a crack in it, my tires are always running out of air. He's never been violent but I do worry.


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