# Kink versus Fetish



## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Hello everyone, just a thought I had while perusing some of the threads as I kept noticing the words "kink" and "fetish" being used almost interchangeably. I'm not sure how many members on TAM are part of the kink/fetish community and was wondering whether or not that was intentional.

As background for those who might not know the difference, a kink is an interest, behavior or addition (i.e. prop, dynamic, etc) to a sexual experience that might be deemed "unconventional" in comparison to larger societal norms or individual standards. It is something that is added to enhance the sexual experience so to speak. It's pretty much used as a term of description for something that is _optional_ to bring in to "spice things up" or to explore boundaries. Someone who is "kinky" or has a kink will still be able to enjoy a fulfilling and climactic experience through "traditional" sexual intimacy without a sense of loss or disruption to their sexual expression. 

A fetish, on the other hand, is something that enters into a psychosexual realm of _compulsion_. Fetishes can be an external object of desire, act or dedicated focus that becomes essential to the sexual experience. It is a part of an individual's sexual experience that is necessary to achieve fulfilling sexual intimacy and climactic release. In other words, a fetishist will not be able to perform or experience "traditional" sexual intimacy without having their fetish be a part of the experience. So a fetishist can be considered kinky, or a kink can also be a fetish, but having a kink doesn't necessarily make one a fetishist. 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with kinks or fetishes (so long as everything is safe, consensual and legal), and one of the best ways to understand them is to ask questions, reserve judgment, and know their differences and cross-over elements. 

So yeah, just noticed that both words are used a lot and was wondering if they are considered ultimately interchangeable by the general public or if their differences are so nuanced that it's sometimes difficult to determine from face value whether one is more apt than another.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

I have several kinks but I don't think I have any fetishes but I am always open to possibilities to develop healthy ones.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Yes, I concur. Ever since college psychology I have found the way people tend to interchange kink and fetish to be most disconcerting.

A person with a "real" fetish requires interaction with that object or body part in order to sexually function. A kink is just something a little outside the norm on a bell shaped curve, but not an absolute requirement. As you say it is more of a preference.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Agree, except that that a kink can be WAY outside of the bell curve, but it isn't a fetish unless is it necessary for arousal. 



Young at Heart said:


> Yes, I concur. Ever since college psychology I have found the way people tend to interchange kink and fetish to be most disconcerting.
> 
> A person with a "real" fetish requires interaction with that object or body part in order to sexually function. A kink is just something a little outside the norm on a bell shaped curve, but not an absolute requirement. As you say it is more of a preference.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm not sure the bell curve has anything to do with it. And, the possibility of accurate reporting of kink is pretty low, so the curve is likely drawn wrong, and/or changes frequently.

Strangely common usage mucks the whole thing up. The term Panty fetish is common, but actual panty fetishes are much less common than Panty Kinks.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

uhtred said:


> Agree, except that that a kink can be WAY outside of the bell curve, but it isn't a fetish unless is it necessary for arousal.





Mr. Nail said:


> I'm not sure the bell curve has anything to do with it. And, the possibility of accurate reporting of kink is pretty low, so the curve is likely drawn wrong, and/or changes frequently.


Ah yes what is a normal curve and how far out do you have to go to be really deviant?

I have always been kind of fascinated that there is such a things as the Rule 34. The CSI LV show on "Furries," was kind of an OMG, you got to be kidding, TV experience. Yes, it is a real kink and probably for some a fetish, but how far out on a bell shaped curve can it be if it is shown on prime time TV? Definitely not my thing.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rule%2034



> Generally accepted internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject.
> 
> Additionally it is accepted that the rule itself has limitations and you cannot be too specific on the content of the item in question.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> Ah yes what is a normal curve and how far out do you have to go to be really deviant?
> 
> I have always been kind of fascinated that there is such a things as the Rule 34. The CSI LV show on "Furries," was kind of an OMG, you got to be kidding, TV experience. Yes, it is a real kink and probably for some a fetish, but how far out on a bell shaped curve can it be if it is shown on prime time TV? Definitely not my thing.
> 
> https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rule%2034



in reverse, we tried pegging because we saw it in Deadpool..."Happy International Women's Day".


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

PigglyWiggly said:


> in reverse, we tried pegging because we saw it in Deadpool..."Happy International Women's Day".


Happy Chinese New Year.......Year of the Dog! Good movie, except for the unicorn animation when he had a knife in his head.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

ButWeAreStrange said:


> Hello everyone, just a thought I had while perusing some of the threads as I kept noticing the words "kink" and "fetish" being used almost interchangeably. I'm not sure how many members on TAM are part of the kink/fetish community and was wondering whether or not that was intentional.
> 
> As background for those who might not know the difference, a kink is an interest, behavior or addition (i.e. prop, dynamic, etc) to a sexual experience that might be deemed "unconventional" in comparison to larger societal norms or individual standards. It is something that is added to enhance the sexual experience so to speak. It's pretty much used as a term of description for something that is _optional_ to bring in to "spice things up" or to explore boundaries. Someone who is "kinky" or has a kink will still be able to enjoy a fulfilling and climactic experience through "traditional" sexual intimacy without a sense of loss or disruption to their sexual expression.
> 
> A fetish, on the other hand, is something that enters into a psychosexual realm of _compulsion_. Fetishes can be an external object of desire, act or dedicated focus that becomes *essential *to the sexual experience.


I don't think this is true. While a fetish rises to sexualization to an abnormal degree, it is categorized more by sexualization of a non-sexual object like a fabric or feet or something.



> It is a part of an individual's sexual experience that is necessary to achieve fulfilling sexual intimacy and climactic release. In other words, a fetishist will not be able to perform or experience "traditional" sexual intimacy without having their fetish be a part of the experience. So a fetishist can be considered kinky, or a kink can also be a fetish, but having a kink doesn't necessarily make one a fetishist.
> 
> There is absolutely nothing wrong with kinks or fetishes (so long as everything is safe, consensual and legal), and one of the best ways to understand them is to ask questions, reserve judgment, and know their differences and cross-over elements.
> 
> So yeah, just noticed that both words are used a lot and was wondering if they are considered ultimately interchangeable by the general public or if their differences are so nuanced that it's sometimes difficult to determine from face value whether one is more apt than another.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't think this is true. While a fetish rises to sexualization to an abnormal degree, it is categorized more by sexualization of a non-sexual object like a fabric or feet or something.


That can be true, which is one of the reasons why I specified "external object" in the initial post. I probably should have specified further that it is usually a "traditionally" nonsexual object/body part, however, considering the wide range of subjective secondary and tertiary sexual characteristics/erogenous zones, that could honestly be a range of things that others might not consider "nonsexual." 

For example, although foot fetishes are well recognized as a fetish, the feet have been medically recognized as secondary/tertiary erogenous zones which, arguably, means that they can be considered sexual by nature which, by your definition, would counter the need to add the word "fetish" beside it. 

Although the dictionary will define fetish in a more simplified light, it's important to consider that sexologists, psychologists, and even the medical world recognize that fetishes are first and foremost compulsive sexual responses, beyond that there are many, many recognized fetish types that fit within as well as outside the realm of tangible objects. For example, Stygiophilia is the compulsive sexual response to the _idea_ of hellfire, much like the realm of the Sadism and Masochism (both considered to be kinks as well as fetishes when they become compulsory). These are not objects, they are psychosexual concepts that can transcend physical contact and be rooted in mental perception which then leads to the arousal. 

My purpose in adding the word "essential" in the post was that it is widely recognized that people who have kinks can enjoy sexual stimulation and release with or without the addition of their kink, whereas people who have fetishes find that they cannot be aroused, maintain arousal, and/or find climactic release without their fetish being somehow involved. This doesn't necessarily mean that someone with a fetish can't still respond to physical stimulation, but it will likely mean that they won't enjoy it or even feel the response someone would expect or desire through traditional sexual interaction. 

I think the most important thing that anyone can take away from kinks and fetishes is that they are as varied, complicated, and subjective as there are human perspectives. 



> A fetish, on the other hand, is something that enters into a psychosexual realm of *compulsion*. Fetishes can be an *external object of desire, act or dedicated focus* that becomes essential to the sexual experience.


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