# How to reconcile without communication...



## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

My wife left the home 3 months ago. Since then the only contact that I have had with her has been primarily via email. Even then, it has been very scarce. During this time she has come by to pick up some things from the house (when I wasn't home) but didn't take everything. I later learned, from a mutual friend, that she didn't want to take everything because she didn't want to make any sort of statement that she was leaving for good. 

When we first separated, her family communicated to me that she wanted six months apart. However, I didn't think she wanted it without any sort of contact. Now, I am stuck in a position where I have to guess her intentions at every turn. My question is, is there any way to reconcile a marriage without any sort of contact? Also, I have seen some books listed on this website regarding divorce and how to fix your marriage. Do any of these books speak to the problem of how to work things out or open up a line of communication in a situation like mine? If so, I would really like to read them. Thank you in advance for your responses.


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## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

My wife and I plan on seperating and eventually getting the big D. We're going to MC to work on our new relationship moving forward. And this is really hard even with both parties activly engaged and wanting the same thing. 

Sorry to be doom and gloom, but without any communication its a non-starter to doing anything IMO. It seems rather selfish of her to expect you to only talk via email and then magically in 6 mos welcome her back. Anyone deserves better.

Fast forward 6 mos from now and she comes back one day. Are you OK with not knowning what, why, and will it happen again? It seems thats the deal. And its a raw one.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

I don't reconciling is ever possible without communication unless both of u are really strongly bound to something, cheesy as it may sound, but if u are like soul mates then maybe you don't need to be physically together to resolve your issues. But in reality, I think couples should discuss the problems.. That is why for me, I also cannot do a complete 180, I try to minimize the contact but I want to save the marriage so I have to contact him, otherwise we'll just be too separated and the distance will be too huge to fix.

I guess thats the reason why most couples that separate ends up in divorce.


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

I agree with both of you...I think that she is being extremely selfish. This is being said without me knowing if she will communicate with me within the next three months or not. Also, I can't even assume that she will come back at the end of the six months...Maybe she is done with the marriage?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I agree with YBG. No communication. No marriage! Since you asked though, it seems your line of communication to her is through her parents. If your willing to take a chance you can always turn the tables on her and send her an ultimatum through her parents. I mean, i dont have enough info from your post so i dont know what the details are as to why she left. IMO, the only reason a spouse should leave a relationship is either abuse or adultry. If it was neither of those, man up and send a "call me or its goodbye" message.

Sorry, its just the way i feel about, "i need my space, you dont care about me" spouses. Think about it - if they think you dont care about them, you would be the one leaving, right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

brighterlight...She left because she felt that she wasn't respected. Upon further reflection, I can see how she may have felt that way. I wasn't around to pay enough attention to her. However, there was never any adultery or abuse. Although, I am an argumentative person and will debate any issue where there isn't agreement. I am a lawyer by trade and heard on more than one occasion that I should "be a lawyer" with her. I understand that was my problem but I don't think it warranted her leaving. She did mention "verbal abuse" when leaving but either I am crazy and wasn't aware of it or she was using it as a reason. She never mentioned it before. She is acting in a very bizarre manner and I really am beginning to think that she doesn't care about me or this marriage.


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## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

I think no communication stinks. I don't know how to survive it. My H wants it too but I'm too weak and drained so I filed for the Big D today. I do like the book Divorce Remedy...it's awesome, but both parties have to be willing for it to be worked out. This is why I gave up. 4 months, no progress, I'm out like trout!


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## nuk (Apr 11, 2011)

Onceagain...I think that I am headed in the same direction as you. It seems impossible to work things out if only one side is making the effort. I don't understand the reason for "no communication" unless the person is completely checked out of the marriage. I am afraid, that I am in that situation. I have been on this forum for some time and have not seen one situation where no communication was being exercised for the better.


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## God_My_Wife_And_Me_Need_U (Jun 8, 2011)

well What comes First the Chicken or the EGG?

for me it the same nuk... good thing you ask that question.... she left me even after i told her i will leave for the sake of the kids... and not to take the kids to environment they are not familiar but did she listen NOPE.... any how.... i have not made any contact with her or the kids because she said "I need TIME and SPACE to think" well there you go. 

Now I understand having a lot of space will be harder to come to agreement if there is no contact ... but at the same time to soon of a contact then you send her/him away... so what to do, what to do? that is the heart (confused) break question... 

The only thing i have on my SIDE is GOD.... and God is my father like her father as well. And sooner or later God will talk to both of us and let us know when the TIME is RIGHT... but the key thing here is patience which i don't have and i'm trying to learn and understand.... God this is unbearable but you have said in your word that "You will not give a burden that we can't handle" all I ask is to give me strength and faith to make sure that i can bear this burden with your help...


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