# My First Post



## magnolia14 (Feb 1, 2012)

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting and was hoping for some advice from an outside source...

I am not married but my boyfriend and I have discussed marriage and he has even started paying off a ring.

Here is my story and I'll try to be brief.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years now. Everything started out great. He is loving, supportive, and generous. Sounds great now. He was my first love and lover. (Sorry if it's t.m.i.) Anyway, he said I love you pretty early. This was maybe a month after we were dating(?) Somewhere around there. I didn't respond until later when I was ready. Well fast forward to us at 2 1/2 years. I was on his iPod because we had a party to attend and I was going to check my facebook account to check the time of the party. I saw that he was already logged in and figured eh, he has the same message so I will just check his to save time because he has the exact message. I checked it and as I was closing out I saw another message below the one I was reading between him and a girl. The only reason I became curious is because of the nature of the message. I clicked it and saw a very inappropriate conversation. I couldn't stop reading although I felt like I was invading his privacy...but I couldn't stop! It talked about their self-pleasure habits, what he thought she should try, and even things about our sex life (some real some stretching the truth)! I was appalled. However, it didn't stop there. I saw another conversation between him and another girl that was similar. She didn't seem as interested but she didn't stop it either. He seemed to be the one egging this on almost like he was leading these girls to have cyber sex or something. The conversation always ended before that though. 

I was devastated. I had never had a reason not to trust him but it was like running headfirst into a brick wall. I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't know how to react. A few months later I got curious/paranoid again and couldn't stop thinking about everything so I started following his facebook at my own home. (I felt terrible for doing such a horrible thing because I am not a jealous or snoopy person by nature ) As I was on, he was having conversations with girls again. Some of the same ones even my best friend. (I later found out he had a similar conversation with my sister.) I was horrified. He even offered at one point to buy her a sex toy or let her use the one we have. I was disgusted and heartbroken. I talked to my sister to get advice because I was going to blow at the seams. I confronted him after this. He was angry that I had read his facebook, got mad that I talked to my sister to vent, and made me feel bad and kind of skirted the whole thing. I made him promise he would never to this again. He did and also changed his passwords.

So we have had a few arguments in-between. I told him I am having trouble trusting him still etc etc but we always make up. However this past week I found a disturbing message. He told me he received a message from a girl that was a distant relative (like 4th cousin or something weird) I don't know. He said she was bugging him and wouldn't leave him alone but she talked about his great-grandma so he was interested. I told him if she was bugging him that much to de-friend and ignore her.
A few days later, he was gone and I had a gnawing, bad feeling in my gut so I pulled out his tablet and saw his (hidden) facebook app. I went to his messages and saw one very interesting message from that girl.... It said something along the lines of "I hope you don't regret what we did last night" "It's nice to have someone I can express myself with" and "I hope we can be more friends than family" Now I know he didn't see her in person because he travels for work and was gone at the time. The string of conversation that they had was deleted so I don't know what was said.

I was just going to get other views on my situation. Is this "cyber cheating?" Am I nuts for feeling the way I do and my behaviors throughout? What would you all do in this situation and how would you start a conversation about this? Thank you to anyone that read that mess and I appreciate any feedback


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Don't marry him or get pregnant until you have this resolved. I see lots of red flags in your story and would worry like you are.

You could put some keylogger software on his tablet and phone to see the real content of his messages.


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## casemx (Feb 1, 2012)

Yes, cyber cheating is still cheating. I also just joined this forum today to get advise for my situation. My wife has been having an online affair through facebook as well. I know how your feeling. I dont have too much advise for you right this second, but someone here will probably chime in soon. Best of luck.


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## DubeGechi (Dec 12, 2010)

Cyber cheating or not - it hurts. It hurts bad. So just as Thor said, forget this guy to not repeat all the crap. Since you are not married/kids - you are doing great. Just go and enjoy life.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Everyone here would consider it cheating. But what really matters is that you consider it cheating. It's obviously, at a minimum, totally inappropriate. Otherwise, he wouldn't be deleting his history.

Also, he is an habitual offender. He's been doing it for years. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. And, he'll probably keep doing it.

So, you have to decide whether you want to accept it. If you're willing to let your husband sext other women, then you don't have to do anything. Just marry the guy and stop checking his Facebook. Problem solved.

If you're unwilling to be betrayed like this, then dump him. You're not married. You don't have kids. You can be out of the relationship in an hour. Then, you can go find another man who won't betray you.

Good luck.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Dump him and move on. After 28 years of marriage I am dealing with having the love of my life betray me. We are working on the marriage but it sucks.

You have one life to live and it already sucks for you.


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## magnolia14 (Feb 1, 2012)

Thank you everyone that responded. Your words were the encouragement I needed. I plan on having a talk with him tonight. I have nothing to lose and only happiness to gain after a bit of healing time. Thank you and wish me luck


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

I would talk to him ASAP because he is cheating on you, I wouldnt be suprised if he had PAs already (based on the last messages you saw). Also he talked this way to your sister and your best friend yet you are still with him? That should have been a relationship breaker right there. Time to wise up and leave him because he isnt worth the trouble.


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