# Need Some ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!



## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Okay me and my husband have been having issues and I found out last tuesday that he has been seeing someone else. I have put everything I have got into fixing our marriage to making sure the house is always clean when he gets home at night. To making sure dinner is over with before I leave for work at night and all homework is done. Now I need a mans point of view on what I am doing wrong... I have been leaving him cards, notes and ecard and even emails but I am not getting any kind of acknowlegement from him. In bed he just turns his back to me won't touch me at all. Can anyone of you men give me some advice on what I can do to spark his interset. It was a 4 month no sex span then we had sex now its going on a month an two days. I need a guys advice on what I can do as a wife to bring him back to me and want to be with me again, thanks.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Tell him, directly, that he has responsibilities to you (his wife!) to keep her happy. 

You (sound like you) are doing the "right" things (and I hate the June Cleaver image!). But you do NOT have to be a maid!! 

Marriage is a two way street - both have to want it and to help it work. if he's "seeing" someone else, just how much is he seeing her? 

Ultimatum, girl -- tell him: leave her NOW or move out or you'll file. 

This isn't right. It's a tremendous disrespect (of you).


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

dcrim said:


> Tell him, directly, that he has responsibilities to you (his wife!) to keep her happy.
> 
> You (sound like you) are doing the "right" things (and I hate the June Cleaver image!). But you do NOT have to be a maid!!
> 
> ...



:iagree:

You can not allow him to stay there and have another woman. Im sorry hun, but he isn't having sex with you because he is having sex with her. You need to tell him that he needs to get his head out of his ass and end it with her, or move out.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It isn't you by the sounds of it. He is just selfish and getting everything he wants from anyone he wants.

draconis


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

By saying he is “seeing” someone else, do you mean he is sleeping with her? If so he may be uninterested in sex with you because he is getting it from her. If the relationship is emotional only, he may simply be withdrawn from you and has little desire for physical relations with you. Either way he needs to end the relationship with her in order to reconnect with you. If you’ve not sought counseling then do so. He is proceeding down a dangerous path for your marriage.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

*roxiehart* 
I didn't hear the word SEX or even BJ in that list of all you've tried.
A word of advice, all be it too late to help in this situation, don't play games with sex, just give it to your man (THE WAY HE WANTS IT) and figure out another way to get your points across.
My Wife pushed me too far too not to long ago and then when she finally decided to stop playing games for a little bit and start trying, I didn't want it anymore and then we had that problem to deal with.

You said that you found out last Tuesday that "he has been seeing someone else"... 

Where you surprised or did you expect it?

Let this be a lesson to all those that think that it's ok to make your man wait months to get some, no matter what your reasoning, it ain't right and it will kill the relationship.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

carmaenforcer said:


> *roxiehart*
> I didn't hear the word SEX or even BJ in that list of all you've tried.
> 
> Let this be a lesson to all those that think that it's ok to make your man wait months to get some, no matter what your reasoning, it ain't right and it will kill the relationship.


Although I usually avoid conflicts on this forum, I just can't leave this one alone. What would be wrong with marriage being a two way street? Granted men have needs. BUT women have needs too. What kills a relationship is when both husband and wife are not meeting each others needs. I'll be nice and just leave it at that......


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## bluebutterfly0808 (Aug 18, 2008)

carmaenforcer said:


> *roxiehart*
> I didn't hear the word SEX or even BJ in that list of all you've tried.
> A word of advice, all be it too late to help in this situation, don't play games with sex, just give it to your man (THE WAY HE WANTS IT) and figure out another way to get your points across.
> My Wife pushed me too far too not to long ago and then when she finally decided to stop playing games for a little bit and start trying, I didn't want it anymore and then we had that problem to deal with.
> ...


i don't think she said she was withholding sex. i do believe she said he has turned his back on her in bed though. not all relationship problems come down to sex. she also mentioned a 4 month span without sex but did not say it was because she withheld it!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

First off, it is not your fault that he is cheating. Period.

There are clearly issues in your marriage, sexual and otherwise.

I would like to point out something that you may not see as an issue that could be impacting your relationship.

You work nights. Why is that? Is it out of economic necessity or choice?

I would recommend getting on the same schedule. If you are gone in the night, what's he doing to fill his time?


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

*roxiehart* 
A simple sit down and talk session, when all is calm and no attitudes or tension is in the air may help shed some light on the issue(s) making your husband act like he is.
You never know, it might turn out that none of it is your fault and he is just going through stuff he need s to work out for himself.
I'm just saying that, speaking from my own personal experiences, the issues with sex (lack of it, quality, price set on it) is one of the major reasons us men just stop caring.

*827Aug*


> What would be wrong with marriage being a two way street? Granted men have needs. BUT women have needs too. What kills a relationship is when both husband and wife are not meeting each others needs.


This statement is very true, if only we met each others needs before the bitterness sets and attitudes set in, the world would be a better place. Which came first, the neglecting and bartering with sex or the a-hole husband with the attitude that came out of nowhere, the old chicken and the egg. 


*bluebutterfly0808*



> *i don't think she said she was withholding sex*. i do believe she said he has turned his back on her in bed though. not all relationship problems come down to sex. *she also mentioned a 4 month span without sex but did not say it was because she withheld it*!


Do women ever think that the sex they give their man might not be good enough or just not enough and the root of other problems that arise? A woman's ego when it comes to their sex is a delicate thing, so delicate it can not be criticized, without making it recede for a month or two or four. And god help the man if he ain't anything but grateful and complimentary when it finally does happen, no matter how depressing. 

What man do you know will not want good sex the way he wants it, or let 4 months pass if there wasn't something wrong with it? 
I'm sure it happens, there are however other issue that make men depressed but sex is on the top 3 if not #1 most of the time.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

roxiehart said:


> Okay me and my husband have been having issues and I found out last tuesday that he has been seeing someone else. I have put everything I have got into fixing our marriage to making sure the house is always clean when he gets home at night. To making sure dinner is over with before I leave for work at night and all homework is done. Now I need a mans point of view on what I am doing wrong... I have been leaving him cards, notes and ecard and even emails but I am not getting any kind of acknowlegement from him. In bed he just turns his back to me won't touch me at all. Can anyone of you men give me some advice on what I can do to spark his interset. It was a 4 month no sex span then we had sex now its going on a month an two days. I need a guys advice on what I can do as a wife to bring him back to me and want to be with me again, thanks.


Well, first of all..hugs to ya, love. I know it hurts, doesn't it, darlin? 

Just tell him ..you can't have your cake and eat it too. I am not going to be treated this way, and feel the way that I do. I am not going to be second choice, and be treated more like a maid than your wife. Life is too short to have to live in an unhappy, sexless, and loveless marriage. Either we get help for our marriage, or my poor excuse for a husband can kiss my azz goodbye. Mean it too, love.. he has to know you mean what you say.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

carmaenforcer said:


> A woman's ego when it comes to their sex is a delicate thing, so delicate it can not be criticized, without making it recede for a month or two or four.


Each person is equally sensitive depending on their past and experiences. its not a gender thing. 



carmaenforcer said:


> What man do you know will not want good sex the way he wants it, or let 4 months pass if there wasn't something wrong with it?


Im sure i dont know a women who doesnt feel the same.



carmaenforcer said:


> Do women ever think that the sex they give their man might not be good enough or just not enough and the root of other problems that arise?


If you were in front of me I would slap you for that. As it is, it just shows how incredibly self centered your views are.


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

thank you all for your advice, I have decided to leave him he told me this last saturday morning that i disgust him how can i stay with a man like that. so now I am just getting all my ducks in a row and moving on, thanks for all your advice.


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## MEM (Sep 15, 2008)

roxiehart said:


> thank you all for your advice, I have decided to leave him he told me this last saturday morning that i disgust him how can i stay with a man like that. so now I am just getting all my ducks in a row and moving on, thanks for all your advice.


roxiehart I am happy for you that you have decided that you will no longer take your hubby's emotional abuse any longer. 

It will be difficult at first, and then your self esteem will come back to you.

Years ago, I left a man who cheated on me three times, said horrible things about me, commented that I was fat (at that time I will 5'9" at 128 lbs) made mean comments about my family, and occasionally beat me. I left that relationship feeling like the worse human being on earth! Very unlovable, after a few months when I found out I can survive without him, even thrive without him, I met my guy. My guy and I have been together for 19 years.

Believe me there is a light at the end of the tunnel, a very bright light!


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> If you were in front of me I would slap you for that. As it is, it just shows how incredibly self centered your views are.


Can I get an AMEN? Preach on sistah :smthumbup:

And let me at Mr. Selfish when you are done with him. I got plenty of angst to work out and I could use a good whup arse on a selfish prig this evening 

Roxie - Things WILL get better. Leet him go, meet someone new, move on. You've done what you can, now do what you want! Don't worry... be happy...

Every Ting Gwanna Be IRIE... 

Ok, now that stupid song is stuck in my head...


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