# Wife’s fantasies



## Rahulr2222

We are a couple in early 40’s. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17. Lately my wife has opened up on her fantasies. She mentioned her sex drive is off the roof and would love to try light bondage, toys and also being watched. Would like the idea of being with someone other than me, but she wants me to choose the person for us. She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men, even though she is not bi or being bi curious. While I am excited about this idea, I am not sure where to start with. We are educated professionals and have little kids. So we are extremely careful as we don’t want to be exposed.


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## Sfort

It's a fantasy. Leave it as that. This situation does not end well.


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## bobert

Try "light bondage and toys", and leave it at that. 

Unless you also fantasize about divorce.


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## Rob_1

I just don't get it with today's dudes. It seems that they have no self respect, no dignity, and don't know how to be a man, and what from a biological point of view being a man means in terms of their mate.

OP is in early 40s and to this point hasn't realized, or learn that when you bring a third party to the relationship for most of these dudes is just the beginning of the end.

These dudes get all wind-up with the idea of seeing, or being part of a Threesome, without realizing that on average, eventually their woman will emotionally connect with another person, male or female, and the end result as all of us know is the idiot being dumped for the new big **** or the switch over to a lesbian relationship.

OP, I think that you need a refresher on biology 101as a man. Your life, proceed at your own risk. Just remember that you were warned when the new dude is living in your home with your kids, or the new dudette, while you're left sucking your fingers trying to figure out what went wrong. Pathetic.

So sad with the stage of males in western civilization. The hedonism, the lack of masculinity, the corrupt morals. We are seeing how the big powers that ever existed were destroyed.


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## jlg07

NO THIRD PARTIES -- unless you want to REALLY f*ck things up. VERY few couples can do this without causing tons of issues in their marriage.


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## ConanHub

Rahulr2222 said:


> We are a couple in early 40’s. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17. Lately my wife has opened up on her fantasies. She mentioned her sex drive is off the roof and would love to try light bondage, toys and also being watched. Would like the idea of being with someone other than me, but she wants me to choose the person for us. She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men, even though she is not bi or being bi curious. While I am excited about this idea, I am not sure where to start with. We are educated professionals and have little kids. So we are extremely careful as we don’t want to be exposed.


Therapy my friend. Try spanking her hot ass and keep others out of your bedroom.


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## Enigma32

If she's telling you she wants to hook up with other people, I'm guessing she is going to do it with or without your permission. I'd be wary, were I you.


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## LATERILUS79

bobert said:


> Try "light bondage and toys", and leave it at that.
> 
> Unless you also fantasize about divorce.


Ok..... ok..... phew!

I don't know what it was, but the "unless you also fantasize about divorce" hit hard like a perfect punch line. That had me rolling.


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## sokillme

Why does she get to pick the person? Ask her if she already has someone lined up?

Let me provide you with a glimpse of your possible future.


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/vcwb8j


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## green_eyed_girl

Enigma32 said:


> If she's telling you she wants to hook up with other people, I'm guessing she is going to do it with or without your permission. I'd be wary, were I you.


I don’t think so. One wouldn’t necessarily put at risk her relationship for this


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## Diana7

green_eyed_girl said:


> I don’t think so. One wouldn’t necessarily put at risk her relationship for this


She is already putting it at risk by suggesting it.


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## LeGenDary_Man

Rahulr2222 said:


> We are a couple in early 40’s. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17. Lately my wife has opened up on her fantasies. She mentioned her sex drive is off the roof and would love to try light bondage, toys and also being watched. Would like the idea of being with someone other than me, but she wants me to choose the person for us. She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men, even though she is not bi or being bi curious. While I am excited about this idea, I am not sure where to start with. We are educated professionals and have little kids. So we are extremely careful as we don’t want to be exposed.


This is your family unit - do you really want to expose it to 'strangers' to spice up your bedroom life?

Fantasies = Erotic imaginations and assumptions. They might stimulate you but you do not discuss these thoughts with other people. I regard mine as "mental stimulents."

Your sexual desire should be reserved for your wife. She married you and is the mother of your children. She should be off-limits to other people.

You are supposed to love your wife but it is ill-advised to give into her every demand. She could be probing you - to see how much of a man you are. Not kidding.

Women can see BETA behavior in men, and try to take advantage of it.

Your wife could also be in *perimenopause* phase given her age.









Menopause-Libido-HRT-And-Midlife-Sex-Drive-The-Facts


When it comes to menopause libido, increased sex drive can happen in perimenopause. Hormones expert Joanna Meriwether explains.




mpoweredwomen.net





This might explain her spike in sexual desire. But this is a phase, and it will pass.

You might feel the need to step-up for your wife in bed in the present. You can take appropriate supplements (or medications) to improve your performance if you feel the need to.

Another Man = absolute NO.

You should draw this line for your wife if you want to show her that you are _*the*_ Man for her. She should be off-limits to other men - no _ifs_ and _buts _in this matter. Your wife might throw a tantrum at you for drawing this line for her but she will come around and feel desired/cherished by you "deep down." This is assuming that she have feelings for you, and is not sitting on the fence.

Another Woman = You may ask people here about how this experiment can pan out.

This relationship dynamic can work in a society which allows a man to *marry* two women. This is possible where I live *but* permission of the original wife is a legal requirement. The women are supposed to accept each other. I know one family in which the husband have two wives. But this is NOT the norm.

Your situation is different. You are looking at an experiment in your case. It might not work out for you. I would be concerned in your shoes.

Keep an eye on your wife's company in fact. Somebody could be filling her head.


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## Enigma32

green_eyed_girl said:


> I don’t think so. One wouldn’t necessarily put at risk her relationship for this


Any partner who even dare mention bringing a 3rd person into the mix has given it a lot of thought. They must know how their partner will react to such an idea before bringing it up if they know one another well at all. So why mention it? They really, really want to do it. The preference for many people would be to engage in those fantasies with the blessing of their partner, but if it's something they really want to do...they will often move on to option B, do it without their partner's consent. It's just how many people think.

Could I be wrong? Sure, it's happened before. I am not saying OP's wife is definitely going to cheat, just that he should keep his eyes open to see if she does cheat. 

I also think the wife said their 3rd should first be a woman partly in hopes to get her hubby on board with the whole idea in the beginning. Later on down the road she might be hooking up with other men and the hubby will wonder what happened.


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## 346745

Tough call. We have not taken this step in RL. Yes we have discussed three and foursomes in pillow talk, but that’s just fantasy, a way to get us turned on. I’d think you both have to be 100% on board to do this in RL. If not, best kept a fantasy.


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## SunCMars

She says she wants to be with a woman to ease you into the lifestyle.
A man is what she wants, and a man will enter your bed, sooner or later.

Question: If you are supposed to pick the person, how is it you can pick a lady?
Seriously.

How ridiculous.
What other woman (that you know of) will agree to this?

How would you approach a lady, asking this?
Uh, with out getting screamed at, or slapped silly?

Getting a man to sleep with your wife should be easy enough.

If the first candidate ends up a lady, and you get to join in....then...
That will be her excuse to try out a strange penis.
Fair is fair, right?

A strong *NO* to this fantasy.



_Are Dee-_


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## FloridaGuy1

I always find it interesting how when a woman mentions this to her man, it gets discussed and considered yet if a man mentioned this to his wife, retention of his testicles would be at risk.


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## 346745

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I always find it interesting how when a woman mentions this to her man, it gets discussed and considered yet if a man mentioned this to his wife, retention of his testicles would be at risk.


With the female partner rolling her eyes, claiming she “rarely” thinks of such things, demanding whom he has in mind …


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## romantic_dreamer

I think it might work if both you and your wife share the same desire, understand the risk and set up proper boundaries. Obviously bringing third person into your intimate relationship carries enormous risk and it also brings a lot of excitement. I personally would keep it as a fantasy but if you are both onboard why not to try it?


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## 346745

romantic_dreamer said:


> I think it might work if both you and your wife share the same desire, understand the risk and set up proper boundaries. Obviously bringing third person into your intimate relationship carries enormous risk and it also brings a lot of excitement. I personally would keep it as a fantasy but if you are both onboard why not to try it?


Great advice. If both onboard, go for it.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Rahulr2222 said:


> _*She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men, even though she is not bi or being bi curious. *_


LOL. Sure she's not.


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## 346745

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL. Sure she's not.


Lol. Exactly. I think the fact that she prefers a woman says it all


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## romantic_dreamer

15 years ago I told my wife that I had a fantasy to have her nude photoshoot taken by a professional photographer. She agreed as her gift to me. I found the photographer and we went for the photoshoot. The photoshoot took the whole day, it was very explicit and hot. The male photographer was very professional. It was the most fantastic experience of my entire life and the best gift my wife ever gave to me. I often look at the pictures which turn amazing.

So some fantasies even if they are rather dramatic can come true and create fascinating experience for a loving couple.


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## Quad73

romantic_dreamer said:


> 15 years ago I told my wife that I had a fantasy to have her nude photoshoot taken by a professional photographer. She agreed as her gift to me. I found the photographer and we went for the photoshoot. The photoshoot took the whole day, it was very explicit and hot. The male photographer was very professional. It was the most fantastic experience of my entire life and the best gift my wife ever gave to me. I often look at the pictures which turn amazing.
> 
> So some fantasies even if they are rather dramatic can come true and create fascinating experience for a loving couple.


Are you relating your experience to
-Light bondage
-Toys
-A threesome
or all of the above?

OP can interpret your comment any way he chooses as it stands.


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## romantic_dreamer

Quad73 said:


> Are you relating your experience to
> -Light bondage
> -Toys
> -A threesome
> or all of the above?
> 
> OP can interpret your comment any way he chooses as it stands.


I am not relating to anything. I am just sharing my own experience. For some people having another man even if he is a professional photographer seeing your wife naked in suggestive poses would be considered total crush of their marriage for us it only created that amazing unforgettable positive experience and memories.

So for some couple having a threesome may have the same amazing experience that can bring only positive memories and spark to their lives.


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## BigDaddyNY

I suspect OP will be a hit and run, but anyway...

I think fantasies are fine and some are safe to bring to reality. Others should remain in fantasy land. I personally don't think there is a place for others in a marriage, so I suggest you reconsider. This is a very slippery slope. First she brings in a woman. Now you've had the chance to experience two women. I bet that feeling of intimidation with another man will go away and what's fair is fair. Now she will want another man. 

Honestly what your wife is saying makes no sense well actually it is what you are saying. She prefers to be with a woman, but isn't bi or bi-curious. So, she wants to have sex with a woman, but doesn't have an bisexual tendencies. Please tell me you can see the contradiction there.


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## Rob_1

BigDaddyNY said:


> Please tell me you can see the contradiction there.


I doubt very much he can. He's thinking with his little head.


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## SunCMars

romantic_dreamer said:


> I am not relating to anything. I am just sharing my own experience. For some people having another man even if he is a professional photographer seeing your wife naked in suggestive poses would be considered total crush of their marriage for us it only created that amazing unforgettable positive experience and memories.
> 
> So for some couple having a threesome may have the same amazing experience that can bring only positive memories and spark to their lives.


Positive memories, positive 'anything', mind you, eventually loses its plus-charge, eventually going to some state of negative.

At best, going to zero, that equally horrid.... indifference to it all.

A man who gives his wife up, her bodily charms, her will, to a man, to a woman, gives it all away.

He does *just that.*

What was once his, is now shared spoils.

You will have tainted her pudding, it now spoiled, soiled...forever.
It will never be the same, nor taste the same.
_The next lick will lack.... that formerly reserved, assured, soothing agent.._

Your memory will add different spices to her image.
Spices that spoiled, soon after that given-away, wet sprinkling.

The best memories are those that you hold close, and do not share with others.
Other than that one special....same lover.

No man can say he loves his mate, and then share her with a raised flag pole, interloper.
Or, with another woman, her lips on his significant other's, two sets of lips.




_The Typist-_


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## Annonymous Joe

Rahulr2222 said:


> We are a couple in early 40’s. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17. Lately my wife has opened up on her fantasies. She mentioned her sex drive is off the roof and would love to try light bondage, toys and also being watched. Would like the idea of being with someone other than me, but she wants me to choose the person for us. She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men, even though she is not bi or being bi curious. While I am excited about this idea, I am not sure where to start with. We are educated professionals and have little kids. So we are extremely careful as we don’t want to be exposed.


A very similar story I find relatable, and it didn't end well. 

The only question for you to consider: Are you going to be okay with it?


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## romantic_dreamer

SunCMars said:


> Positive memories, positive 'anything', mind you, eventually loses its plus-charge, eventually going to some state of negative.
> 
> At best, going to zero, that equally horrid.... indifference to it all.
> 
> A man who gives his wife up, her bodily charms, her will, to a man, to a woman, gives it all away.
> 
> He does *just that.*
> 
> What was once his, is now shared spoils.
> 
> You will have tainted her pudding, it now spoiled, soiled...forever.
> It will never be the same, nor taste the same.
> _The next lick will lack.... that formerly reserved, assured, soothing agent.._
> 
> Your memory will add different spices to her image.
> Spices that spoiled, soon after that given-away, wet sprinkling.
> 
> The best memories are those that you hold close, and do not share with others.
> Other than that one special....same lover.
> 
> No man can say he loves his mate, and then share her with a raised flag pole, interloper.
> Or, with another woman, her lips on his significant other's, two sets of lips.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _The Typist-_


What you fail to understand that "sharing" your wife means different thing to different people. In Islamic world sharing your wife means showing your wife's face to any other men.

I would not let any other man or woman touch my wife's body or flirt with her in any way. But I and her are completely fine anyone looking at my wife naked body. These are our boundaries. For some couples having threesome or swing may be completely acceptable. I saw documentary about swinger couples, both professionals, with kids, very happy married and swing.

Most important here is to be on the same page and understand and respect each other's boundaries.


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## jlg07

Enigma32 said:


> I also think the wife said their 3rd should first be a woman partly in hopes to get her hubby on board with the whole idea in the beginning. Later on down the road she might be hooking up with other men and the hubby will wonder what happened.


^^^^ ^THIS^^^^^


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## Rahulr2222

Thanks for you feedback guys. I really appreciate it.


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## ah_sorandy

Rahulr2222 said:


> We are a couple in early 40’s. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17. Lately my wife has opened up on her fantasies. She mentioned her sex drive is off the roof and would love to try light bondage, toys and also being watched. Would like the idea of being with someone other than me, but she wants me to choose the person for us. She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men, even though she is not bi or being bi curious. While I am excited about this idea, I am not sure where to start with. We are educated professionals and have little kids. So we are extremely careful as we don’t want to be exposed.


She might not be bi, or bi-curious, but does she realize that sex with a woman would mean performing cunnilingus on each other? Have you asked her if she is ready for that?

If she is still interested, then by all means pick out another lady to join her. Good luck!

Ask he if you can participate too. That's a fantasy I've heard that a lot of men have too!


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## 346745

ah_sorandy said:


> She might not be bi, or bi-curious, but does she realize that sex with a woman would mean performing cunnilingus on each other? Have you asked her if she is ready for that?
> 
> If she is still interested, then by all means pick out another lady to join her. Good luck!
> 
> Ask he if you can participate too. That's a fantasy I've heard that a lot of men have too!


"not curious" like my wife who gets so turned on by the idea of being with a woman, yet is always sure to say "that's not on my mind." Uh huh.


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## Mybabysgotit

Diana7 said:


> She is already putting it at risk by suggesting it.


Exactly, the women that don't know this are the one's that don't really care or don't respect their husbands. I know for one if I suggested something like that, my wife would not be happy with me.


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## Married but Happy

Mybabysgotit said:


> Exactly, the women that don't know this are the one's that don't really care or don't respect their husbands. I know for one if I suggested something like that, my wife would not be happy with me.


Yes, it's better to be dishonest about your fantasies and desires as your spouse could get all bent out of shape even by mentioning the topic, and immediately jump to the conclusion that you're going to do it regardless.


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## FloridaGuy1

Married but Happy said:


> Yes, it's better to be dishonest about your fantasies and desires as your spouse could get all bent out of shape even by mentioning the topic, and immediately jump to the conclusion that you're going to do it regardless.


I kind of agree but I do think there are some things some of us just can't share with our spouses. Sexual fantasies being one of them in my marriage.

I know, I know everyone will say than its not a good marriage and maybe so. But I don't think I am alone in saying that if I came out and said "Hey I fantasized about a threesome" to my wife there would be a lot of pain and grief...and my wife would be upset too!


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## 346745

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I kind of agree but I do think there are some things some of us just can't share with our spouses. Sexual fantasies being one of them in my marriage.
> 
> I know, I know everyone will say than its not a good marriage and maybe so. But I don't think I am alone in saying that if I came out and said "Hey I fantasized about a threesome" to my wife there would be a lot of pain and grief...and my wife would be upset too!


I decided a few years ago that if she won’t reveal any fantasies, I will reveal mine. I don’t hold back either. Usually with good results for us in bed. She said “good story” the other day. Spun a yarn about a threeway.


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## FloridaGuy1

Longtime Hubby said:


> I decided a few years ago that if she won’t reveal any fantasies, I will reveal mine. I don’t hold back either. Usually with good results for us in bed. She said “good story” the other day.


I tried once a few years ago with a really tame one. It brought shock and then tears and then no sex for a few weeks so I don't share fantasies any more.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I tried once a few years ago with a really tame one. It brought shock and then tears and then no sex for a few weeks so I don't share fantasies any more.


Now we might be curious. Should we be thinking well, tame is a judgment call ? 😮😉🤣🤣👍👍


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## 346745

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I tried once a few years ago with a really tame one. It brought shock and then tears and then no sex for a few weeks so I don't share fantasies any more.


Shock and tears over a tame story?!


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## TexasMom1216

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I kind of agree but I do think there are some things some of us just can't share with our spouses. Sexual fantasies being one of them in my marriage.
> 
> I know, I know everyone will say than its not a good marriage and maybe so. But I don't think I am alone in saying that if I came out and said "Hey I fantasized about a threesome" to my wife there would be a lot of pain and grief...and my wife would be upset too!


I’m not saying your wife and I are right in the way we feel, but I would be upset too (about a threesome). My reaction would come from insecurity and I know that, so it would be internal. I can understand her initial reaction, but in truth she should calm down and listen. Probably a tough conversation away from the bedroom? I’m not sure, you know her better than I. I sympathize with both of you, because you’re not getting what you need in your marriage and she was surprised about it. 🥺 I’m not helping but I wish I could, I feel all the pain.


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## kgcolonel

Yep, shared a fantasy with my new bride 3x years ago and had the same result but add shaming. Unfortunately, it has affected our sex life ever since. I am much more reserve and hesitant in my communications about sex. She has since that time refused to share any of her fantasies.


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## 346745

kgcolonel said:


> Yep, shared a fantasy with my new bride 3x years ago and had the same result but add shaming. Unfortunately, it has affected our sex life ever since. I am much more reserve and hesitant in my communications about sex. She has since that time refused to share any of her fantasies.


She never will. My wife of 28 years used to claim
None. Now admits she has them but refuses to tell me any…. Shaming you is not cool


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## 346745

I just took a nap in the shady back yard. Felt great


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## LATERILUS79

TexasMom1216 said:


> I’m not saying your wife and I are right in the way we feel, but I would be upset too (about a threesome). My reaction would come from insecurity and I know that, so it would be internal. I can understand her initial reaction, but in truth she should calm down and listen. Probably a tough conversation away from the bedroom? I’m not sure, you know her better than I. I sympathize with both of you, because you’re not getting what you need in your marriage and she was surprised about it. 🥺 I’m not helping but I wish I could, I feel all the pain.


Being upset about this question is not insecurity in my opinion.

if two people agreed to a monogamous relationship and marriage, a question like introducing a 3rd person is going to raise suspicion.

if two people decided to start dating and brought these things out in the open relatively early, I could understand that. Not years down the line when one partner was under the assumption that the vows taken mean something.


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## 346745

LATERILUS79 said:


> Being upset about this question is not insecurity in my opinion.
> 
> if two people agreed to a monogamous relationship and marriage, a question like introducing a 3rd person is going to raise suspicion.
> 
> if two people decided to start dating and brought these things out in the open relatively early, I could understand that. Not years down the line when one partner was under the assumption that the vows taken mean something.


Then again…. I know for us, talking about adding someone adds to our enjoyment. It’s all talk, spin a yarn of us with others. We both get off. Whatever works! Doubt it will ever happen IRL. Who knows, wife says “never say never.” Perfect storm?


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## JustAnj

[


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## JustAnj

I used to be that wife who would get hurt by my husbands fantasies, but I changed, just two days ago my husband talked about how he was fantasizing about a woman at a drop (he delivers to auto shops) and that it was on his mind a lot. I didn't judge him I let him talk he actually felt remorseful and we ended up having sex, turns out he was just horny. I don't take any of it deep in my heart anymore just try to be supportive and understanding that he is working on himself. LOve him to bits, this has improved our marriage dearly.

Maybe you guys can communicate boundaries about conversations regarding fantasies, move slow into it, you shouldn't shut down completely and neither should your wife. Your both human you just need to grow from this and experience being vulnerable in a different manner that suits your marriage.


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## 346745

JustAnj said:


> I used to be that wife who would get hurt by my husbands fantasies, but I changed, just two days ago my husband talked about how he was fantasizing about a woman at a drop (he delivers to auto shops) and that it was on his mind a lot. I didn't judge him I let him talk he actually felt remorseful and we ended up having sex, turns out he was just horny. I don't take any of it deep in my heart anymore just try to be supportive and understanding that he is working on himself. LOve him to bits, this has improved our marriage dearly.
> 
> Maybe you guys can communicate boundaries about conversations regarding fantasies, move slow into it, you shouldn't shut down completely and neither should your wife. Your both human you just need to grow from this and experience being vulnerable in a different manner that suits your marriage.


excellent advice. well written.


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## JustAnj

Longtime Hubby said:


> excellent advice. well written.


Thank you. ♥ I hope it helps


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## FloridaGuy1

kgcolonel said:


> Yep, shared a fantasy with my new bride 3x years ago and had the same result but add shaming. Unfortunately, it has affected our sex life ever since. I am much more reserve and hesitant in my communications about sex. She has since that time refused to share any of her fantasies.


Yeah I learned you can't unring that bell so won't be ringing it again anytime soon.


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## 346745

JustAnj said:


> Thank you. ♥ I hope it helps


Thank you so much!


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## TexasMom1216

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Yeah I learned you can't unring that bell so won't be ringing it again anytime soon.


So what if she told you she was fine if you had a threesome? Not with her, but basically said go ahead and have sex with other people and just no more sex between the two of you?


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## Mybabysgotit

Married but Happy said:


> Yes, it's better to be dishonest about your fantasies and desires as your spouse could get all bent out of shape even by mentioning the topic, and immediately jump to the conclusion that you're going to do it regardless.


Not quite. Having fantasies and expressing them to your spouse is normally a good thing, HOWEVER, when it involves sleeping with another person...yeah, you keep that **** to yourself. If YOU want to tell your spouse you want to bang someone else, please feel free to do so and let's see how that works out for you.


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## FloridaGuy1

TexasMom1216 said:


> So what if she told you she was fine if you had a threesome? Not with her, but basically said go ahead and have sex with other people and just no more sex between the two of you?


Well to be clear, I didn't tell her I was fantasizing about a threesome. It was about her kissing another woman (thats why I thought it was tame but apparently she didn't)

After her reaction from that, I learned i should keep my thoughts to myself.


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## TexasMom1216

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well to be clear, I didn't tell her I was fantasizing about a threesome. It was about her kissing another woman (thats why I thought it was tame but apparently she didn't)
> 
> After her reaction from that, I learned i should keep my thoughts to myself.


I see. I don’t mean to pry, you don’t have to tell me if it’s too private, but you wanted to bring another woman in for her to kiss? Did you have a specific woman in mind or was it just “I have always thought it would be hot to see you kiss another woman.”?


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## 346745

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well to be clear, I didn't tell her I was fantasizing about a threesome. It was about her kissing another woman (thats why I thought it was tame but apparently she didn't)
> 
> After her reaction from that, I learned i should keep my thoughts to myself.


Very tame !


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## FloridaGuy1

No simply we saw two women kissing in public and I said it was hot She said it was gross. I said "Well guys think thats hot and I think it would be hot to see you and another woman kiss and maybe even get naked in the process."

She got upset and said "Is that what you think about?" I said "Do you mean right now or all the time?" thinking she was being playful and I was trying to be playful and funny Right after that I could tell I went too far and she was upset.

That was it basically. Maybe I did go too far? But I won't ever share any of what I think about again.


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## 346745

FloridaGuy1 said:


> No simply we saw two women kissing in public and I said it was hot She said it was gross. I said "Well guys think thats hot and I think it would be hot to see you and another woman kiss and maybe even get naked in the process."
> 
> She got upset and said "Is that what you think about?" I said "Do you mean right now or all the time?" thinking she was being playful and I was trying to be playful and funny Right after that I could tell I went too far and she was upset.
> 
> That was it basically. Maybe I did go too far? But I won't ever share any of what I think about again.


You did not go too far. You were honest.sounds like she has some hang ups. Again, it’s just talk. We do that here. Even mention people we know..


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## TexasMom1216

FloridaGuy1 said:


> No simply we saw two women kissing in public and I said it was hot She said it was gross. I said "Well guys think thats hot and I think it would be hot to see you and another woman kiss and maybe even get naked in the process."
> 
> She got upset and said "Is that what you think about?" I said "Do you mean right now or all the time?" thinking she was being playful and I was trying to be playful and funny Right after that I could tell I went too far and she was upset.
> 
> That was it basically. Maybe I did go too far? But I won't ever share any of what I think about again.


Yeah, I'm a whole big ball of insecurity and she completely blew that out of proportion. I'd have thought she was being playful too, because that doesn't sound like it justified a freak-out. I mean, I'm sitting here really trying to put myself in her shoes and I can't defend her on this.


----------



## JustAnj

FloridaGuy1 said:


> No simply we saw two women kissing in public and I said it was hot She said it was gross. I said "Well guys think thats hot and I think it would be hot to see you and another woman kiss and maybe even get naked in the process."
> 
> She got upset and said "Is that what you think about?" I said "Do you mean right now or all the time?" thinking she was being playful and I was trying to be playful and funny Right after that I could tell I went too far and she was upset.
> 
> That was it basically. Maybe I did go too far? But I won't ever share any of what I think about again.


Was this an open conversation sorry if I am not ahead in the Convo, were you both getting along or talking about sexual fantasies before you brought up this comment?


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## Rus47

Enigma32 said:


> If she's telling you she wants to hook up with other people, I'm guessing she is going to do it with or without your permission. I'd be wary, were I you.





Enigma32 said:


> Any partner who even dare mention bringing a 3rd person into the mix has given it a lot of thought. They must know how their partner will react to such an idea before bringing it up if they know one another well at all. So why mention it? They really, really want to do it.





Enigma32 said:


> I also think the wife said their 3rd should first be a woman partly in hopes to get her hubby on board with the whole idea in the beginning. Later on down the road she might be hooking up with other men and the hubby will wonder what happened.


But no matter what OP does, it makes no difference to the eventual outcome does it? @Rahulr2222 says no, or yes how does that change the outcome. If she wants a threesome with a man and a woman, and he doesn't participate, she can easily find that situation without him. If he does participate, down the road she may decide she would rather have the man be someone besides him anyway. How can he win with this? His wife has expressed what she wants to do irl, somewhat beyond a fantasy it seems to me.

Reading all of these threesome/foursome/hundredsome/poly/open scenarios I always think the people asking this stuff need to ask people who are successful and enthusiastic about these type relationships. Shame there isn't something like the other controversial topic forums on TAM for the ENM or NENM whatever.


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## 346745

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yeah, I'm a whole big ball of insecurity and she completely blew that out of proportion. I'd have thought she was being playful too, because that doesn't sound like it justified a freak-out. I mean, I'm sitting here really trying to put myself in her shoes and I can't defend her on this.


Well said


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## Enigma32

Rus47 said:


> But no matter what OP does, it makes no difference to the eventual outcome does it? @Rahulr2222 says no, or yes how does that change the outcome. If she wants a threesome with a man and a woman, and he doesn't participate, she can easily find that situation without him. If he does participate, down the road she may decide she would rather have the man be someone besides him anyway. How can he win with this? His wife has expressed what she wants to do irl, somewhat beyond a fantasy it seems to me.
> 
> Reading all of these threesome/foursome/hundredsome/poly/open scenarios I always think the people asking this stuff need to ask people who are successful and enthusiastic about these type relationships. Shame there isn't something like the other controversial topic forums on TAM for the ENM or NENM whatever.


I think that if your partner is suggesting 3somes and it's not something you wanna do, there is a good chance your relationship is in it's death throes. I think a lot of us have some dark fantasy that we've thought about while we were with someone but we keep that stuff a fantasy because our relationship means more to us. If your partner brings it up, they think fulfilling that fantasy is worth jeopardizing the relationship, and if they think that, why not just do it anyway if you say no?

Knowledge is power. If the OP can get a grasp on the situation he can at least have some control over how he reacts to things. You can't change what other people do, but you can change how you deal with their actions.


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## TRy

Rahulr2222 said:


> Lately my wife has opened up on her fantasies. She mentioned her sex drive is off the roof and would love to try light bondage, toys and also being watched. Would like the idea of being with someone other than me, but she wants me to choose the person for us. She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men, even though she is not bi or being bi curious.


The wonderful thing about fantasies is that in fantasies you have completely control of exactly what will happen. In real life you have no such control, as bad things can and do happen. Fantasies where bad things happen are called nightmares.


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## Married but Happy

Mybabysgotit said:


> Not quite. Having fantasies and expressing them to your spouse is normally a good thing, HOWEVER, when it involves sleeping with another person...yeah, you keep that **** to yourself. If YOU want to tell your spouse you want to bang someone else, please feel free to do so and let's see how that works out for you.


We've shared that idea, and have followed through on it for 22 years, many times for both of us. It has worked out _extremely _well - for us.


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## Rus47

Married but Happy said:


> We've shared that idea, and have followed through on it for 22 years, many times for both of us. It has worked out _extremely _well - for us.


Please advise @Rahulr2222 how he should deal with his wife’s fantasies and desires.


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## Married but Happy

Rahulr2222 said:


> We are a couple in early 40’s. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17. Lately my wife has opened up on her fantasies. She mentioned her sex drive is off the roof and would love to try light bondage, toys and also being watched. Would like the idea of being with someone other than me, but she wants me to choose the person for us. She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men, even though she is not bi or being bi curious. While I am excited about this idea, I am not sure where to start with. We are educated professionals and have little kids. So we are extremely careful as we don’t want to be exposed.


The safest route is to keep it a fantasy, and explore it there. IF you want to eventually want to try it for real, have multiple conversations about all the possible downsides well before considering the pluses. Downsides include jealousy, performance issues, one has a bad experience while the other has a great one, how you'll deal with issues that arise, etc. I want to emphasize that an open relationship with you each _separately _dating is the hardest version on fulfilling these fantasies. It is far easier and far better for the relationship to do this _together _at the same time, and the best way to do that is to try swinging, and swap with another _couple _- not singles. You can bond through the shared experience, and you both get to experience sex with others. IF you find that works for you and have dealt with any/all issues that arise, _maybe _then you can consider playing with others separately.


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## TXTrini

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well to be clear, I didn't tell her I was fantasizing about a threesome. It was about her kissing another woman (thats why I thought it was tame but apparently she didn't)
> 
> After her reaction from that, I learned i should keep my thoughts to myself.


Honestly, I would be disgusted too. The thought of kissing another woman (much less anything else, blegh!) is about appealing to me as two men kissing is to most straight men.


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## FloridaGuy1

TXTrini said:


> Honestly, I would be disgusted too. The thought of kissing another woman (much less anything else, blegh!) is about appealing to me as two men kissing is to most straight men.


And thats why I no longer share any fantasies as what I think is hot is not to others.

EDIT TO ADD: I think most guys could do well by keeping their fantasies to themselves just based on what you mentioned. Sure some folks seem have spouses who are into at least hearing them it but it would also appear there are many who are not and get upset when things are shared. A person really wouldn't know what is OK to share and what isn't until its too late. I thought that was "tame" but my wife and others such as yourself don't think so, so how would I know? So now silence rules in my house.


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## TexasMom1216

FloridaGuy1 said:


> And thats why I no longer share any fantasies as what I think is hot is not to others.


😟 No matter what she thought of it, there are nice ways to communicate. She did not choose to communicate in a kind way and that is on her. You should be able to tell her things without her being mean about it.


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## TXTrini

FloridaGuy1 said:


> And thats why I no longer share any fantasies as what I think is hot is not to others.
> 
> EDIT TO ADD: I think most guys could do well by keeping their fantasies to themselves just based on what you mentioned. Sure some folks seem have spouses who are into at least hearing them it but it would also appear there are many who are not and get upset when things are shared. A person really wouldn't know what is OK to share and what isn't until its too late. I thought that was "tame" but my wife and others such as yourself don't think so, so how would I know? So now silence rules in my house.


I've been on the receiving end of that, so I get it 😂 My bf was totally butthurt but settled down after I assured him, I wasn't interested in doing anything about it. Sometimes you think about stuff when you're extra horny, the fantasy seems fun and harmless, but reality would be a whole other ballgame.

Maybe OP could explain that to his wife, but still be playful and not shut either of them down.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well to be clear, I didn't tell her I was fantasizing about a threesome. It was about her kissing another woman (thats why I thought it was tame but apparently she didn't)
> 
> After her reaction from that, I learned i should keep my thoughts to myself.


Dude! Telling your W you fantasized about kissing another woman is just asking for a beating.

Guy rules 101.. .🤣🤣


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## JustAnj

FloridaGuy1 said:


> And thats why I no longer share any fantasies as what I think is hot is not to others.
> 
> EDIT TO ADD: I think most guys could do well by keeping their fantasies to themselves just based on what you mentioned. Sure some folks seem have spouses who are into at least hearing them it but it would also appear there are many who are not and get upset when things are shared. A person really wouldn't know what is OK to share and what isn't until its too late. I thought that was "tame" but my wife and others such as yourself don't think so, so how would I know? So now silence rules in my house.


Do you have any fantasies you could bring to life with your wife and are they sensual? 

Also do you watch porn and is your wife okay with this? Or does she just accept it? 

The porn thing was a huge killer for my libido. Also made my guy have fantasy away from a you and me prospective which obviously lead to sex issues because he was essential egging himself on with porn and well where do you think the fantasy came from. Lol

Healthy sex considers both partners not one and I am a very open minded person. I myself have asked my husband if he would like an open relationship since he was not satisfied with me. He said no the instant that we talked about cons and pros. It made him realize the risk was to big. 

We also realized we've grown apart and it played a huge factor in our sex life. He could not enjoy sex without first bonding with me and having a less stressful day. It was not enjoyable unless these things happened. He needed connection and so did I. He wanted to see me in a better light not a bitter one. That's when I changed because I wanted the same towards him. Honeymoon phases work well because to people are putting in emotional time and effort to connect that's why sex is enjoyable.

Once that lessens and slows fantasy tends to creep like the girl next door. You both slowly lose appreciation for each other and treat each other with no regard or respect. You don't bother to ask before speaking your mind anymore, you don't take the other persons needs into account and focus on yours instead and that all starts with just one person doing less then they had always. It goes back and fourth until the reflection is equal. 

Honeymoon phase is not dead someone just stopped putting in equal effort and the respect was lesser. 

And if it's not you it begs the question why is it the other partner and what do you two lack to communicate.


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## FloridaGuy1

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Dude! Telling your W you fantasized about kissing another woman is just asking for a beating.
> 
> Guy rules 101.. .🤣🤣


C'mon man didn't you read it! Its Friday but you still have to focus. I said I fantasized about HER kissing another woman not ME!!!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

FloridaGuy1 said:


> C'mon man didn't you read it! Its Friday but you still have to focus. I said I fantasized about HER kissing another woman not ME!!!


Oh sh!t. My bad.

Hey I like that better.


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## FloridaGuy1

JustAnj said:


> Do you have any fantasies you could bring to life with your wife and are they sensual?


Nope, fantasies are no longer mentioned in our house. Just not worth it.


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## FloridaGuy1

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Oh sh!t. My bad.
> 
> Hey I like that better.


See, now YOU are thinking bout that too!!!


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## FloridaGuy1

JustAnj said:


> Do you have any fantasies you could bring to life with your wife and are they sensual?
> 
> Also do you watch porn and is your wife okay with this? Or does she just accept it?
> 
> The porn thing was a huge killer for my libido. Also made my guy have fantasy away from a you and me prospective which obviously lead to sex issues because he was essential egging himself on with porn and well where do you think the fantasy came from. Lol
> 
> Healthy sex considers both partners not one and I am a very open minded person. I myself have asked my husband if he would like an open relationship since he was not satisfied with me. He said no the instant that we talked about cons and pros. It made him realize the risk was to big.
> 
> We also realized we've grown apart and it played a huge factor in our sex life. He could not enjoy sex without first bonding with me and having a less stressful day. It was not enjoyable unless these things happened. He needed connection and so did I. He wanted to see me in a better light not a bitter one. That's when I changed because I wanted the same towards him. Honeymoon phases work well because to people are putting in emotional time and effort to connect that's why sex is enjoyable.
> 
> Once that lessens and slows fantasy tends to creep like the girl next door. You both slowly lose appreciation for each other and treat each other with no regard or respect. You don't bother to ask before speaking your mind anymore, you don't take the other persons needs into account and focus on yours instead and that all starts with just one person doing less then they had always. It goes back and fourth until the reflection is equal.
> 
> Honeymoon phase is not dead someone just stopped putting in equal effort and the respect was lesser.
> 
> And if it's not you it begs the question why is it the other partner and what do you two lack to communicate.


It would be nice if my wife though that way about sex but she doesn't. Its just not something she is into.


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## JustAnj

FloridaGuy1 said:


> It would be nice if my wife though that way about sex but she doesn't. Its just not something she is into.


Either way I hope you two find an equally irressitable sexual experience together intimately. You never know. 

Note It doesn't have to involve a third party. There is lots of different kinks in the world.


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## jlg07

TXTrini said:


> I've been on the receiving end of that, so I get it 😂 My bf was totally butthurt but settled down after I assured him, I wasn't interested in doing anything about it. Sometimes you think about stuff when you're extra horny, the fantasy seems fun and harmless, but reality would be a whole other ballgame.
> 
> Maybe OP could explain that to his wife, but still be playful and not shut either of them down.


I wish folks could understand that fantasies are JUST THAT. MOST people I don't think would really want to have a fantasy that gets them going turned into reality. Like a guy fantasizing about two women, maybe one his wife. Would they really WANT THAT in real life? I know I sure wouldn't (but I also don't fantasize of my wife with another women -- I am too selfish -- I want her all for ME -- and I also know my wife would NEVER go for that, so not just ME who wouldn't want that!).
Most people should really understand that porn-fantasies would NEVER work out in real life and leave it at that.


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## jenny_1

Rahulr2222 said:


> We are a couple in early 40’s. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17. Lately my wife has opened up on her fantasies.


She's only now after 20 years telling you this? Red Flag.



Rahulr2222 said:


> She mentioned her sex drive is off the roof and would love to try light bondage, toys and also being watched.


Light Bondage. Toys. Exhibitionism. Sounds like fun! But these aren't desires that just pop up out of nowhere, especially after 17 years of marriage. By then you should have known her better than herself. I'm not buying this.



Rahulr2222 said:


> She prefers to be with a woman than a man as she feels less intimidated with women than men...


Nothing wrong with these desires, in general. But considering they arose out of the blue after 17 years of marriage, start saving for a divorce lawyer.


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## Quad73

What did you and your wife decide on @Rahulr2222 ?


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## Longtime Hubby

It's amaing that she's opening up after all these years. Twenty-eight years of wedded bliss and I always hear "nothing" when I ask what's on her mind as we start to have fun. Desires and fantasies or sexy memories? Seldom if ever shared. I really don't understand. Just be careful because if she likes it more than you do, could be buh-bye marriage.


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## Mr.Married

You need to man up in the sack. You can start by at least pulling her hair just hard enough that it puts that long deep arch in her back and her breathing gets slightly labored. Believe me….she isn’t going to complain. Put some masculinity in your bedroom.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Mr.Married said:


> You need to man up in the sack. You can start by at least pulling her hair just hard enough that it puts that long deep arch in her back and her breathing gets slightly labored. Believe me….she isn’t going to complain. Put some masculinity in your bedroom.


Apparently bring two goats!
🤣🤣🤣


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## Numb26

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Apparently bring two goats!
> 🤣🤣🤣


Is that technically a threesome????


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## Mr.Married

Numb26 said:


> Is that technically a threesome????


How do you know which one is which in your contact list when they are both named Billy ….last name Goat???


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## Rahulr2222

Just an update. We decided to go through with the fantasy. We met a couple who were tantric teachers. They both gave her a tantric/yoni massage. While we both were nervous at first seeing her enjoying got me excited. She is happy that she tried that and as informed me that no more involving another people as we don’t want to create any habits.


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## Rahulr2222

Thank you all for your responses.


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## Sfort

So what is this massage? Does it involve sex? I’m probably not the only person here who does not understand what happened.


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## Rahulr2222

No sex. Just massage. That was the condition


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## DownByTheRiver

Having come of age in the swinging '70s, my advice on threesomes is never do it with anyone you are emotionally invested in or who is emotionally invested in you. So you missed your window to experiment with that because you are married and everything is on the line.

It seems like it's usually the person who says they want to try it who is the first one to get super offended when they do. They are not prepared to not be the center of attention, but of course the new partner is going to be the center of attention. This does not bode well for egos. That's why it's best left as a fantasy, because that's the only way you can control the outcome, by imagining it.

Sometime about midway through a three-way, one or other of the parties is going to feel like kicking the third off the end of the bed.


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## Longtime Hubby

Rahulr2222 said:


> No sex. Just massage. That was the condition


Thought you both wanted more?


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## Divinely Favored

Sfort said:


> So what is this massage? Does it involve sex? I’m probably not the only person here who does not understand what happened.


Erotic ***** massage. Basically someone other than her husband pleasured her kitty.


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## Divinely Favored

Basical


Divinely Favored said:


> Erotic *** massage. Basically someone other than her husband pleasured her kitty.


Basically he let his wife get the female equivalent of happy ending kitty massage. Now she has said the end...wait where is hubby's happy ending massage?


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## Rob_1

Divinely Favored said:


> Erotic *** massage. Basically someone other than her husband pleasured her kitty.


If OP thinks that this is the end of it all, he's sadly mistaken. I'm certain that eventually, later on in time some more will come along. It Nevers ends there. the envelop keeps getting pushed.


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## TRy

Rahulr2222 said:


> No sex. Just massage. That was the condition


I looked it up “In the practice of tantra, a real yoni massage is the ritual of erotic connectivity between a man and a woman or two females focusing on massaging the parts of the vagina known as the yoni area. Traditionally, a yoni practitioner carefully massages the vulva and vagina. The idea is that both mental and physical tensions are freed, resulting in being able to take pleasure from the delicate yet enchanting tantric touches of another man or woman”.

Many would say that getting a hand job from another man for the sole reason of sexual pleasure is sex.


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## Always Learning

I now keep my fantasies to my self as well, they don't go over real well.

I told her I fantasized about having sex with her and she got pissed! LOL


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## Longtime Hubby

Always Learning said:


> I now keep my fantasies to my self as well, they don't go over real well.
> 
> I told her I fantasized about having sex with her and she got pissed! LOL


Pretty much same reaction here. Married 28 years. Huh???


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## Always Learning

Longtime Hubby said:


> Pretty much same reaction here. Married 28 years. Huh???


35 here


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## Longtime Hubby

Always Learning said:


> 35 here


two wives, married total of 63 years, and they don't share fantasies with their husbands. Mine used to claim she had zero fantasies. Um, sure, honey. Now admits she does, but refuses to share. Frustrating? You bet.


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## Always Learning

Longtime Hubby said:


> two wives, married total of 63 years, and they don't share fantasies with their husbands. Mine used to claim she had zero fantasies. Um, sure, honey. Now admits she does, but refuses to share. Frustrating? You bet.


Ya, I always got a blank stare like she didn't know what I was talking about.


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## Longtime Hubby

Always Learning said:


> Ya, I always got a blank stare like she didn't know what I was talking about.


Hmm, perhaps our wives are related. Very very familiar reaction ... I still kinda chuckle inside when - after we are well into foreplay - I ask "what's on your naughty mind" and she replies "nothing." Come on, do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck? "Nothing"? Please.


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## BigDaddyNY

I think if you are married to someone that doesn't regularly think about sex they aren't going to be able to list out all their fantasies. They haven't spent much if anytime thinking on them and forming them. @Always Learning and @Longtime Hubby do you know if your wives masturbate?


----------



## Longtime Hubby

BigDaddyNY said:


> I think if you are married to someone that doesn't regularly think about sex they aren't going to be able to list out all their fantasies. They haven't spent much if anytime thinking on them and forming them. @Always Learning and @Longtime Hubby do you know if your wives masturbate?


I’ve been told “not as often as in past” and ”sometimes in the shower.”


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## BigDaddyNY

Longtime Hubby said:


> I’ve been told “not as often as in past” and ”sometimes in the shower.”


I ask because I would guess that is where most fantasies would find their origin. If that isn't happening a lot and she isn't watching porn, which is also a prime source of fantasies, she may not have much in the way of well formed sexual fantasies. I know my wife doesn't. My wife has masturbated, but I don't think she has really done it much other than when I've been deployed. In those case she says she just fantasizes about sex with me, things we've already done.


----------



## Longtime Hubby

BigDaddyNY said:


> I ask because I would guess that is where most fantasies would find their origin. If that isn't happening a lot and she isn't watching porn, which is also a prime source of fantasies, she may not have much in the way of well formed sexual fantasies. I know my wife doesn't. My wife has masturbated, but I don't think she has really done it much other than when I've been deployed. In those case she says she just fantasizes about sex with me, things we've already done.


At least she tells you something.


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## Always Learning

BigDaddyNY said:


> I think if you are married to someone that doesn't regularly think about sex they aren't going to be able to list out all their fantasies. They haven't spent much if anytime thinking on them and forming them. @Always Learning and @Longtime Hubby do you know if your wives masturbate?


I believe she does not and does not watch porn, You are correct in that she never thinks about sex. There were really five times in our relationship she actually initiated and heavily participated, when we were dating, when each of the three kids were conceived and one time when we had a major marital blow up and divorce was looking possible (hysterical bonding so to speak).

When our daughters were in their late teens she used to try to tell that guys want only one thing and will say and do anything to get it. I had to correct that. I sincerely doubt that she even understands the emotional connection that sex brought to our relationship.


----------



## Longtime Hubby

Always Learning said:


> I believe she does not and does not watch porn, You are correct in that she never thinks about sex. There were really five times in our relationship she actually initiated and heavily participated, when we were dating, when each of the three kids were conceived and one time when we had a major marital blow up and divorce was looking possible (hysterical bonding so to speak).
> 
> When our daughters were in their late teens she used to try to tell that guys want only one thing and will say and do anything to get it. I had to correct that. I sincerely doubt that she even understands the emotional connection that sex brought to our relationship.


She told them that?! sheesh


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## Married but Happy

Longtime Hubby said:


> She told them that?! sheesh


It seems that too many women are sexually damaged or indoctrinated into a harmful mindset.


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## BootsAndJeans

My wife was going to appeal to my love of super heroes. She she dressed in black leather and a mask and waited on the couch for me to get home. 

I walked in tired, glanced at her and said....

What's for supper Batwoman


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## SunCMars

Ah, you should have asked where supper was being served.

That would have served her purpose, and served up her cherry pie.


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## Rubix Cubed

SunCMars said:


> Ah, you should have asked where supper was being served.
> 
> That would have served her purpose, and served up her cherry pie.


In the Bat Cave, no doubt.


----------



## Longtime Hubby

Rubix Cubed said:


> In the Bat Cave, no doubt.


Holy Offer You Can‘t Refuse!


----------

