# Help me plan for reconciliation before she even files



## jonnyappleseed (Sep 27, 2013)

Here is my story:

Help me keep my relationship OCD from destroying my marriage

I've been a real piece of ****. I'm not physically abusive but I've been manipulative, deceptive, and even pulled a Tony Soprano **** move and conflicted out a bunch of top lawyers.

I hate myself.

None of those will save my marriage. Every day my wife asks for an "Amicable" divorce, which is kind of like comfortable cancer. I am an emotional midget and she is the Stephen Hawking of emotions.

Did I mention that I am a piece of ****?

Anyway, during one of my recent manipulative episodes a few weeks ago I discovered that she is close to filing paperwork to divorce me.

What is she waiting for? Does it means she is on the fence? N.B.: We have two kids together and I'm a great dad and she still loves me just can't deal with what she terms bipolar disorder (It's not but that's how it presents, so I'm ok with that)

I hate to say this because she thinks I am a game player, but I need a "game plan" for when she files...

I want to just keep being a good dad and make myself emotionally unavailable or just a normal human. I want to hear success stories about reconciliation. 

We have a lot of money (close to $1million) but it would be costly to split up assets and it would all end in my favor probably 60-40 making the woman I love into a single mother of two making expensive loan payments to pay off a lump sum. I don't want to cause resentment but I also don't want to walk away having to rent an apartment (I've owned at least one home in California continuously since age 22) 

I don't actually believe in divorce except in the cases of physical violence or later-in-life changes in religion, which can make things totally incompatible. I believe marriage always needs work and I was lazy for years and she gave up.

My wife is a total amazing broad (we're 36 but I love that word) and she holds down a demanding executive-level IT job and I have a gov't IT job that is less demanding. I want to make her life easier in noticeable ways in the next few months.

We have a family trip planned to Hawaii that is still in the works regardless.

How can I gather the strength to ... act as if nothing is wrong ... when she serves me so that I can prove to her that I am the man she married?

We still care about each other and as of a few weeks ago had great sex.

There's still more good than bad but I need to get to the point where she can stop being angry at me and start being thankful for me again. I was really sweet when we met.

I think it's almost a foregone conclusion and she keeps asking for "amicable" but I am afraid that is admitting defeat even though we're both already defeated.

I guess to sum it up is, I want to beat the statistics and have a reconciliation. Divorce is ugly. It leaves both partners abused and I am hoping to avoid it.

What do you recommend?

Thanks,

Jon


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