# compliments in a marriage



## MichellesMomma (Sep 26, 2011)

I was wondering is it normal for a married couple not give their spouse a compliment, We have been together for almost 2 years Married for 9 months and we use to talk online for a good 8-9 years, My husband use to ALWAYS tell me how beautiful I was when we use to talk online but ever since we've been married or been together in person he doesn't tell me nothing He doesn't even tell me he loves me first I'm ALWAYS the one saying I love you first, He never tells me that I'm pretty nor beautiful, And it hurts my heart deep down inside cause I always think maybe i'm not pretty nor beautiful in his eyes but since he is married to me he doesn't want to break up with me because he doesn't believe in it. I know that the way he was brought up he wasn't showing emotions when he was little, But that shouldn't be an excuse because my dad NEVER had a dad and his mother use to beat him, And he has ALWAYS showed his wife and kids how much he loves us and cares about us, And that is another thing I look at so it makes me think that maybe I'm not pretty, We had a baby girl a year ago and I never lost the baby weight so I'm alittle overweight as well and maybe that could be another reason why he sees me as different, I'm always telling him how handsome he is and how sweet and caring he is as well an that without him I dunno what I would do, And I'm always telling him that I love him and miss him very much BUT I only get it in return if I say it, So can someone please tell me what I can do or how can I react to it all better, 
Thank you for taking the time out to read this, 
God Bless you all


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

i think its sorta normal. My wife hasnt given me a compliment i dont think since weve been married ( a year).

criticism of hair, putting on weight, choice of clothes. - jealous maybe as im fit and healthy and she has depression.

Although i still compliment her a lot, i do throw in the one liners everynow and then that she is putting on weight (which she is).

normal i think......


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

MichellesMomma said:


> I'm always telling him how handsome he is and how sweet and caring he is as well and *that without him I dunno what I would do,* And I'm always telling him that I love him and miss him very much BUT I only get it in return if I say it, So can someone please tell me what I can do or how can I react to it all better.


It sounds as though you might be appearing too needy. I'm sorry, but that's just not really a sexy/attractive quality for most people. Here's what IS though: knowing your own self-worth, looking after yourself, not relying on someone else for validation.

If you want to lose weight, then do it. Start working out more, eat healthily. There's no need to mention this to him, and certainly do not ask him about it!! Just do what you need to do to feel attractive within yourself. And please remember, beauty and allure is NOT just about the external.

While I have written that I don't feel one should rely on another for validation, in a loving relationship if it's important for you to hear these kinds of things and if he used to do it before (online), then yes he will need to recognize this is something he needs to do for you. It's important for me to hear complimentary words about a variety of things (appearance included). However, first work on yourself. And know within yourself that you actually _would_ know what to do without him, that you take pride in your appearance and health for YOU ......start here.

My H and I compliment each other a lot. Anything from me telling him how sexy his ass looks in his jeans, to telling him how much I appreciate him. He tells me such things as how beautiful my eyes are, how sexy my body looks, and aspects of my personality that he admires. In our relationship, giving compliments IS normal.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Heartsabeating has said it all really. 

It is very healthy to give compliments in your marriage- also to hear them .... it is encouraging, it gives us a smile, a timely compliment/word has POWER many times, can allievate our brains & set the whole day in motion sometimes- in a good way, or a bad way, depending on how we take it. 

And especilly if your love language is "Words of Affirmation". Can take a test here and get your breakdown. The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love Languages®

I wouldn't keep saying "I love you" to him if he never does it on his own, we are always referring men to this thermostat thread so they TURN down their loving to match their wives, so they do not appear needy and clingy, - I guess this could be used in reverse too. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/21278-thermostat-ultimate-barometer-your-r.html


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

it is normal to feel that way. maybe he is saying nice things, but its just low key, and you miss it. it took me years to figure out my husband always told me i smelled nice, it always went over my head.

maybe you and your husband could go back to letter writing, we used to do that when we were dating, and kept it for a few years after we moved in together.

maybe he can express himself on paper better??


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

There isn`t a day goes by that I don`t compliment my wife on her looks in some form of another.

Hmm...I don`t compliment her enough on other things.

Must remedy that


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