# Advice needed about babysitting/sleepover



## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Ok. So, this coming weekend will be the first overnight alone. Our boys are 5 and two-and-a-half. Because reasons, this will be the first time we will be cutting the umbilical cord.

We will be staying in a city 2 hours away. They will be staying with her sister and brother-in-law.

The youngest will be sleeping in the pack-and-play. No problem. It came out this morning, in talk between my wife and my oldest, that the plan was for him to sleep in the same bed as aunt and BIL.

First I've heard of that. After processing for some time (32 milliseconds), I pipe up, "No. I'm really not comfortable with that. So, no."

Wife replies, "It's a huge bed. There isn't a problem."

Me: "Hey, isn't there a guest room?"

Her: "It's full of her (SIL has a number of crafts/decorations in that room).

..

...

....

Me: "I'm not ok with this."

Her: "It's a huge bed. It's no big deal."

..

...

....

Me: "Why can't he take his sleeping bag (we go camping) and our inflatable mattress?"

Ok, posting now, will continue in a few. Afraid that my login will time out, and my wife will come in.

More importantly, night-night prayers.

Be back in a few to finish.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Her: "But.."

Me: "I don't feel comfortable with this. If they HAVE to sleep together, then I'll just cancel the reservations. Now."

Her: "Geez. Ok."

Now, I have no reason to suspect ANYTHING of either SIL of her husband. I just know that it instinctively rings my alarms. It would no matter who the guy was. 

My thing is, if the roles were reversed (they have no children, BTW), I would just sleep on the couch. I'm sure that this is coming entirely from SIL, as her husband is quiet, and takes a silent role on everything between them. I'd imagine us showing up with a sleeping bag for the oldest will probably be a relief for him.

Am I a paranoid helicopter, or is do I have a legitimate argument? Keep in mind, this has already been decided. I'd imagine that we have to present it to my SIL in a way that doesn't offend.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Most kids love to make a fort. Could y'all take mattress and sleeping bag and let five-year-old have a fort adventure on the floor. (Actually you probably don't want to leave a child this age alone in a room with lots of craft supplies.) Do you have personal concerns about your son sleeping in bed with BIL?

You want to enjoy your night away, not worry the entire time.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

YOU are the parents. What you say, needs to go. Never ignore those warnings your mind gives you. If the SIL is upset and doesn’t agree, then you guys stay home.

I didn’t leave my kids _anywhere_ until they were teens. So...yeah...there ya have it. That’s my opinion.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

AandM said:


> Now, I have no reason to suspect ANYTHING of either SIL of her husband. I just know that it instinctively rings my alarms. It would no matter who the guy was.


I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If an explanation is needed, I would tell SIL and BIL that while of course you're not worried about *them*, you don't want your child thinking it's ever normal for a child to share a bed with adults. Especially when it's totally unnecessary. Kids have no trouble sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag.

Two things I noticed about your conversation with your wife - 

1. You sounded kind of dictatorial in your first comment to her on the topic where you ended it with "NO." I believe both parents should have veto power over anything the kids are allowed to do, but if your wife isn't interpreting this arrangement as "weird" to just be told "NO. That's not happening." might be very abrasive.

2. I find it odd that your wife didn't show any concern for your feelings. Even after you said why she comes back with "It's a big bed." (What the hell does that have to do with the fact that a grown couple sleeping in bed with your son makes you uncomfortable.)


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't see the big deal. But, you're the parents so what you say goes. If you're going to feel so uncomfortable and worried about it, it will ruin your weekend away so address this now.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

For future sleepovers, go buy two camping cots. Have your kids use them at home a few times, so they get used to them. They come in handy for sleepovers with their friends at your house too. Plus, they don't get holes and deflate, and are compact to transport. Easy solution, multiple uses, and no one gets offended. 

When I was a kid it was normal to sleep in bed with my aunt and uncle. It was no big deal, but if you aren't comfortable, that's okay too. I have found as a parent that it is easier to come up with an alternative solution, as opposed to disagreeing with my husband, and risking negative feelings. Camping cots are great! My kids are adults, but we still use the ones they had when we have younger kids overnight.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

sunsetmist said:


> Most kids love to make a fort. Could y'all take mattress and sleeping bag and let five-year-old have a fort adventure on the floor. (Actually you probably don't want to leave a child this age alone in a room with lots of craft supplies.) Do you have personal concerns about your son sleeping in bed with BIL?
> 
> You want to enjoy your night away, not worry the entire time.


Funny that. I only heard about the sleeping arrangements after my son asked if his aunt would make him a fort to sleep in. Sleeping bag is the new plan.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

WorkingWife said:


> I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If an explanation is needed, I would tell SIL and BIL that while of course you're not worried about *them*, you don't want your child thinking it's ever normal for a child to share a bed with adults. Especially when it's totally unnecessary. Kids have no trouble sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag.
> 
> Two things I noticed about your conversation with your wife -
> 
> ...


We DO both have veto power over something we feel is important, though we do need to explain ourselves. I did, saying that I thought it inappropriate, and that I would have issues with that arrangement were we the ones hosting nieces or nephews. I simply think that it looks wrong to many people, myself included.

Dictatorial? Heh. We usually defer to each other on most issues. You should hear us trying to waffle through in trying to decide where to eat.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

WorkingWife said:


> I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If an explanation is needed, I would tell SIL and BIL that while of course you're not worried about *them*, you don't want your child thinking it's ever normal for a child to share a bed with adults. Especially when it's totally unnecessary. Kids have no trouble sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag.


Pretty good idea, considering that its the truth, but - Does honesty EVER work?:wink2:


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

AandM said:


> Dictatorial? Heh. We usually defer to each other on most issues. You should hear us trying to waffle through in trying to decide where to eat.


Well you don't sound dictatorial in general, just that initial "No." was startling to me, LOL. I trust your wife knows you better than I do though. ;-)


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

AandM said:


> Pretty good idea, considering that its the truth, but - Does honesty EVER work?:wink2:


You'd think it would, especially when it makes sense. But, listening to friends and family talk, I've been really surprised at how personally many take little things and get hyper-offended and hold a grudge over things that seem like just a personal preference to me.


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