# getting married soon and relationship falling apart...help?



## soconfused375 (Oct 11, 2010)

I dont even know where to begin. We argue all the time. ALL THE TIME! Over what he says is "stupid S*** ". There are certain things that i need out of our relationship and am not getting them. I don't know if this means i never will or am i being silly. I have only really asked for quality time with him. He is one of those people who have a "don't care about minor things" attitude. That is fine. The problem is he decides what is minor and major for everyone. What is important to me is minor to him. If no one is dying, ill or the world isn't coming to an end it isn't really that important to him. He feels like he does his part for me by going to work and making sure that we are financially ok. That is important, i agree. But I also work 5-6days a week to help insure that. What i want to know is if anyone out there agrees that quality time with your spouse/significant other is equally as important as finances. And should your partner be first above all other things whether it is financial, physical, mental or emotional need? If they say they need you in some way shouldn't they come first? He says that I am childish for asking for this and that I am a drama queen. Am I? I would like advice from men and women alike. Please help, I want to save my relationship.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

First question is...how much quality time are you asking for? Its hard to say if your being a Drama Queen without knowing if your asking for every hour he's not at work be spent with you....or most of the time, but leaving him hours in a week to spend by himself to do his hobbies or with his friends (same goes for you)

Also...the order of importance is different to every couple, but I will tell you this. If you aren't financially secure, you will fight more because the stress of making all your bills will cause you to be shorter tempered. So it depends on if he and you have to work 10 hours a day to make the bills or not....

One other thing to think about....if your of a personality to need ALOT of quality time...and he is a personality that likes ALOT of alone time....who's more important in your mind? I'm referencing your "if they say they need you in some way shouldn't they come first". Honestly it should be a compromise when you have a conflict like that...he tries spending a bit more time with you, you lay off nagging when he wants to be alone (or doing a hobby, or going out with the boys, etc)


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## thanksbutnothanks (Oct 11, 2010)

From a long time married woman: first of all, put a hold on this marriage! Yeah I know, we all want to have our "big day" but trust me, if you haven't worked out things like this, your "big day" will fall apart the day after. ARE you immature or a drama queen? Has anyone else ever told you that, or did that just come from him in anger? Pay close attention to the things about him that you listed in your post, are they true? What would he (when he's not mad) say are your faults? Do you guys actually have time to BE married, considering your work schedules? What if you have a kid? Where will that fit in? If what's important to you isn't important to him (and he decides what's important to everyone), why do you want to marry this guy? (oh well, yeah, you "love" him). Decide what "love" really means to you. Please put this marriage on hold - if you're asking questions like this now, just think what you'll be asking in a few months or years after you get married? If you really love each other and want to be together for a lifetime, your "big day" will wait a few months while you get some help and some answers.


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## Tootsiepop (Sep 7, 2009)

Please listen to thanksbutnothanks! Very sound advise!

If you have any doubts at all, they need to be worked out Before and not After the "Big Day"! I don't think there's one married person (male or female) who would suggest you should ignore any problems you're having now because marriage does not just make them just go away. They will multiply. 

These months of engagement and dating are the "honeymoon" phase when we're on our best behavior! After the wedding, that is reality! 

Best of luck to you!!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I agree with put a hold on the wedding. But you don't need to give up. This is a great opportunity to see if you can learn some stuff about relationships. I would google marriagebuilders.

Whether anyone else thinks it is important is irrelevant. That you and your partner learn to address *each others'* needs (his too) without disparaging them is important.

Good luck.

S


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## amihappy (Oct 20, 2010)

Hey put this marriage on hold. You can't just get a divorce and be done with it if it doesn't work out because then you are "divorced" and that label will be with you forever into the future. Wait and see if this works out. I'd give it another year or more.


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