# NO Evidence JUST signs.



## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

We are separated It's been a Year long back and forth my home and his moms.. I feel his is cheating . I never seen a women, or heard him on the phone..HE is good! I have pinpointed the sweet smell of perfume on his TShirts, use to be on the underarm area. I told him ..Im crazy he said. NOw I smell it on another area, closer to his pelvic area. It is a tiny tiny area.. *ITs not all over just certain spots*. I smelled it on my bed decorated pillow a tiny bit. I am whoofing everything. Why would a woman want my man? NO job, no money, no car. I seen signs I AM CONFUSED! He knows I love him ..but I am getting tired of this game. Now I am noticing different hairs on my carpet longer and lighter then mine. IS this enough to just let it go? No Matter how much he denies it? I called him to it many times and now I cant even accuse because I am going mad.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

*HE* goes back and forth?

If so, yeppers - he's most likely cheating


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Voice Activated Recorder - Get One


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why is he going back and forth if you've been separated a year? What are you two doing to actually resolve the issues that caused it? As others have said, a carefully planted VAR might be your best bet if there's strange hairs in your place. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

GutPunch said:


> Voice Activated Recorder - Get One


Tried it to much Loud TV in the background. I heard a little giggle then put your leg up but then I didnt know I just sounded it out and thought that's what i heard..cant go by that!


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## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

We fought a lot and he hadnt worked for 1 year ... my daughter 29 lived with us & 2 GDaughters plus our 19 year old son... I was the only financial person bringing home the money. I had.. had IT kicked him out and now we are sleeping together.. I have my place he has his at his moms. But I think he likes his freedom and maybe we will never reconsile?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why should he make an effort if he's getting what he wants?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

PBear said:


> Why should he make an effort if he's getting what he wants?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because he has me this way...HE is all I known and kept me at home bored with nothing to do, but sit around mope, work and YES Get what he wants. I am smart but I feel for his manipulation controlling addicted love..or what else.
Please keep them coming I need support! I am getting closer to see the light!!!!!!


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

might try a different VAR, i had two, one worked really well...the other got WAY to much background noise. Also consider a small video camera. Trust your gut....your not crazy. My EX STILL denies it, and i caught her talking to him on a VAR. 

My STBXW had two standards, one for her, and one for me.


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## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

Garry2012 said:


> might try a different VAR, i had two, one worked really well...the other got WAY to much background noise. Also consider a small video camera. Trust your gut....your not crazy. My EX STILL denies it, and i caught her talking to him on a VAR.
> 
> My STBXW had two standards, one for her, and one for me.


Thanks you for giving me a tip on the VAR, but yesterday I made a decision to not continue on with my husband. He don't care and never has. Like Pbear said he has always had his way and I enabled him and did what he wanted as though I was his porn star or something he called it. I feel like now! I am his weekend lover & not his wife. I have been used and abused mentally, by both of them . I feel sorry for me. I know he will try and make a move tomarrow and want to come over because its the beginning of the weekend. I don't know if I should see him and tell him I am done or just tell him over a phone call today!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I wouldn't see him just tell him over the phone. It will be funny to watch him escalate attention on you to get what he had back.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you want to reconcile or not? If you do, make a list of your boundaries and "must haves". Until there's progress made on those, no more visits. Go on a date out of your place if you want. 

If you don't want to reconcile, tell him it's over. Change the locks on your place. File for divorce. Stop living in limbo. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

PBear said:


> Do you want to reconcile or not? If you do, make a list of your boundaries and "must haves". Until there's progress made on those, no more visits. Go on a date out of your place if you want.
> 
> If you don't want to reconcile, tell him it's over. Change the locks on your place. File for divorce. Stop living in limbo.
> 
> ...



Deep down I thought that is what we were doing..and we would live together again, after my lease was up in 6 mo. I would move in at his moms, but he still hasnt worked in over a year and I am going backwards in my life because of him. All last year and now I have been miserable disecting everything he brings to my place clothes, phone, camera etc..smelling searching going crazy!! My conclusions are false everytime. I guess in reality I hoped and wish it would be different: He would work and come home to me, but now he has to much time on his hands and he will never change he loves his freedom. I will end it today!!


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

keep in touch, *ngonza*


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## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

I stayed away a week and no communication..he callled our son to see how he is doing? and also called me at work to tell me he missed and loves me over and over. Today we will talk ! I need to know how seriously is he about working it out! I am seriously thinking about giving him a chance 2nd one, but I am afraid of my insecurity and mistrust issues.


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