# Have i done the right thing?



## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

Ok hear is my story I have recentltly askrd my wife to leave which she has and now lives with her friend. The reason i asked her to leave is because over the past 3 years she has changed so much i have put this down to circumstances beyond our control eg her family bereavement leaving her with little direct family members. She threw herself into her friends and whilst at first i encouraged this it soon became evident that she thought more about her friends than me. We were very close at one time and needed and relied upon each other for all our needs, insular we used to see our friends but not that often bdays, xmas, catch up etc. my wifes friends are single aged approx 40 same as my wife. Recently my wife begun to see more and more of her friends going out to pubs, dining, spas, and wkends away. When i approached her re this she told me her friends were her sisters as she has no family. She goes the gym all the time and dresses differently, worries constantly about her appearance and declared interest in doind things with friends in future eg concerts etc.
She swears she would never hurt me but i am so confused why she has changed so much i am a v good husband who has supported her the best way i knew how and now i feel abandoned and lost, I hurt so bad and feel rejected as she chose to leave rather than to change. She said all I need to do is change this one thing eg allow her to see her friends and i would be perfect. Have i made mistake asking her to leave?
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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

i think so, but i think you should join her or suggest a weekly date so you don't feel rejected.
She going things to make herself happy and maintain her beauty.


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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

It' s a closed outfit her and her friends, never been seriously asked to join them I wouldnt anyhow but i would do all these things with my wife she just never asked. Or shown interest when we were together.
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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

why wait on her? women love to be chased and asked out on dates. I think she probably give up u if you don't ask her out on dates.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

It sounds like you asked her to leave and she went straight away to her friend. Made no effort to stay with you. I think its finished.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

accept said:


> It sounds like you asked her to leave and she went straight away to her friend. Made no effort to stay with you. I think its finished.



True, she did not even stick around to work on the marriage. You asked her to leave and she left.


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

hurtinme, do you know for sure whether or not she is having a fling with someone else? A lot of triggers are there.....although it doesn't have to be the case, it would be worth trying to find out.

There are actually a lot of similarities here with my situation. Fearing the worst, I snooped my stbx extensively, however, instead of finding another man, I found that she had been confiding in her numerous divorced (financially independent and still on their own) friends with young kid(s) - and ultimately, I think she has decided that is the lifestyle for her too. In essence, she had an EA of sorts with her closest divorced friends, which no doubt served to solidify her mindset. As with your wife, my stbx has a very good job and is able to stand completely on her own two feet; so there is nothing to really make her second guess her decision. She now views being conventionally married as "boring", and thinks what she is doing is a better way.

She is a similar age (mid/late 30's); it's all very midlife crisis like. The only advice I can offer you is to try and cut away and do whatever *you* like to do. Treat your relationship with her as finished.....and go have your very own midlife crisis. Do you like doing the things she is doing? If so, do them - not with her, with *your* friends. If not, do other things you really want to do. Try as much as you can to forget what you think the relationship should be, as she now has other ideas on life. Just be yourself, do what you want, and see what happens, one day at a time. That's really where I'm at now. I have the odd minor backslide, but by and large, the way I'm coping is trying to see it as an opportunity for me - its almost like, having had no choice in the matter, I've ripped a leaf out of the stbx's book and gone with it. At the end of the day, you really don't want to be married to her if she doesn't want to be married to you.


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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

She tells me most days that she loves me via txt and this gives me hope. I have good days and bad days well hours it is effecting everything i do. I have no real close friends but quite a lot of people who i know and could go out with. The trouble is when am out am thinking of her. I also have the opportunity to go out with female friend but feel uneasy a out this. Thank you all for you thoughts.
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