# ED in marriage during R



## lesley70 (Oct 8, 2012)

Can anyone give me some advice on ED in a 20 year relationship. 

Both in our early 40's. Trying to recover from my H being unfaithful with a couple of ONS. He is deeply remorseful and doing everything he can to make amends right now.

Now we are in a positive R, enjoying a good and frequent sex life....but then quite a few times he's losing his erection half way through.

It is upsetting me, and i know this can't be helping....I know he has guilt and i'm sure we are both maybe trying too hard to please the other.

Anyone else have a similar situation during R?


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## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

Could be a lot of things - should see a doctor.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

I'm not embarrassed to say been there, and still am sometimes.
We are 5 months into R.

Go to the Dr. have his Testosterone levels checked! Low-T will cause this and other problems. Mine was in the toilet and it probably was instrumental in saving our marriage.

Has he started taking any new medications, like and SSRI? for depression, these can sometimes cause this problem.

Also, could be just age and he now will need a little help like Viagra or Cialis. They make ALL the difference. Also there is a product called horny goat weed, no I'm not kidding, that can help with this (google it). Works for some not others, you can find it at most vitamin shops.

One more thing, counseling could help also, it could be a mental thing, guilt, wanting so hard to please you and focusing on that more than just enjoying the sex. I think this would be considered performance anxiety.

Hope this helps a little, good luck, I know this can be VERY frustrating for him.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

After my wife's EA (suspected PA but never proven) I would do the same thing - half way through and nothing.

The mind is a powerful thing. If his mind is occupied with guilt, regret, anger, or even a desire to please your partner that overshadows everything, this can happen. Once it happens to him then he may be experiencing "performance anxiety" - the fear of not being able to perform. This too is mental and it is a powerful thing.

Or it could be medical as others have said.

It took the little blue pill for me to get my confidence back. Don't need it any longer.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Why does fate have to be so cruel...

When you're young, you get erections at extremetly inopportune times, while when you're old, you can't keep it...


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## lesley70 (Oct 8, 2012)

Thanks for the replies. Yes, I think it is probably 'performance anxiety'.....

Hope I haven't been adding to the pressure and making things worse.

Just wondered really if others going through R have had similar experience, it does seem such a shame for this to happen now of all times when we are trying to get back on track.

Thanks again.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

sounds like I'm in the same boat as TDSC. Maybe I just need to go see my doc.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

6 months into possible r and this issue is really hitting us. (My wife did the cheating but it sounds like the same problem).

Nothing physically wrong as for the first 4 we had no problems at all.

Just stick with it and, if you can, be patient and understanding.

It's all in the mind and meds will only give placebo effect. Fix the emotions and you will fix the problem.

Good luck and I admire you for asking for help when it wasn't your fault.


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