# Wife wants another child



## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

I've been married for 7 years and we have 2 beautiful boys (4 and 5 years old).

We both get on extremely well, except for the fact that my wife is desperate to have another child.

She compares it to torture. In a recent text she said "I seriously cannot cope with it. I don't know what to do about it but I CANNOT feel like this, I've felt like it for over 2 years".

We are trying to sell our house and move into a bigger one, but we have set the budget based on what we can afford assuming we are both working. I think she as seen this as a sign that we now have a room for another child - I made it quite clear this was a spare room for visiting family.

We went to counselling over it about a year ago, and whilst the councillor was very nice we couldn't really see a way forward so we decided to park it.

My son recently turned 5 and that's what has brought this all to a head again (also I have family that are about to start having kids and them discussing baby names is "killing" her).

I would rather not have another baby because:-

We don't deal well with a lack of sleep. I really don't want to go through the sleepless nights again.
As much as I enjoyed my two boys being babies I really don't want to go through nappies and all that again.
Financially we would manage with another, but at the minute we are very comfortable. Because my wife is a teacher we can only go on holiday during the summer holidays - already that makes most holidays prohibitively expensive. Paying for another person would probably rule a summer holiday out.
We are looking at moving house, but I'm terrified we won't be able to pay the mortgage if she does go on maternity leave. I suppose this just means we need to make a decision sooner rather than later
My eldest has just been diagnosed with ASD (autism). It's quite mild but big changes are really bad for him. I think he would adapt to this, but can we give him the support he needs if we have another child.
I just don't have the desire for another child. The first two I desperately wanted, and now I just don't feel like that.
We are finally starting to find our feet (financially, and time wise) and have time to do our own hobbies and not just be a parent. I really don't want to give that up.
How do I fit three child seats in the back of our cars?!

So I'm left in a position where I just capitulate and give her another child I don't really want, or have her forever miserable and in a mood with me. I don't think she would leave me over this, but I know she would resent me forever.

Also given that this desire for another child is completely devoid of logic and reason whats to say she won't want a fourth or fifth? 

I really don't know what to do. I hate seeing her this unhappy, but I would hate to have a child I don't really want. I'm quite sure we would manage, and I know I will love the kid without question, but I'll always be slightly peed off when we don't have the money to do things.

tbh I'm not sure how I expect anyone to help, it's just helpful to get this down in writing. Thanks for reading it.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

In an ideal world both parents would always agree on everything.

We do not live in an ideal world so sometimes one or the other of us must let the other have their way (there is no meet half way on having another baby). If you truly believe that your wife has her heart set on having another baby then you need only decide if you would sooner she had it with you or with her next husband because if she is total convinced it is something she needs then she will do it one way or another.

As you listed your excuses (that’s what they are) you must have known that none of them is a deal breaker for her.

There are two I would investigate further with your wife.

Does ASD run in families (talk to your doctor together).
Sit down and work out what your financial situation would be:
How much / for how long would she get maternity pay,
Would they have to hold her job open / what would childcare cost.

Sorry to be so blunt but if Your wife has been waiting two years already she may not wait much longer. On the bright side I am sure you will love all and any children that you and your wife have together.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She wants to try for a girl, I bet.

She's not seeing that there's a 50% chance of another boy.

Also, when people tell me they want another baby, I always want to ask them what is lacking in their life that they think another human will fill.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I think if you consider it then you should do it whilst in the house you are in now, so that finances will not be such a worry.

Maybe you could save for a few years first too?


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I think if you consider it then you should do it whilst in the house you are in now, so that finances will not be such a worry.
> 
> Maybe you could save for a few years first too?


I really don't want a big gap if we were going to have another one.

We need to move as we are having real issues with the neighbours (they are complaining to the council because of the noise are kids make - it's an attached house, and despite our best efforts the kids run everywhere). The house is a three bedroom house, and whilst the second room has a double bed that both kids could sleep in, I really wouldn't want to do that.

RE the question about ASD running in the family - it does't as far as we are aware.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

DaddyTo2 said:


> I really don't want a big gap if we were going to have another one.
> 
> We need to move as we are having real issues with the neighbours (they are complaining to the council because of the noise are kids make - it's an attached house, and despite our best efforts the kids run everywhere). The house is a three bedroom house, and whilst the second room has a double bed that both kids could sleep in, I really wouldn't want to do that.
> 
> RE the question about ASD running in the family - it does't as far as we are aware.


Do not move, sound proof your floors, buy the boys a set of "bunk beds", use the smallest bedroom as the nursery.


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

We put down a load of thick underflooring and they still complained. The fact is the council will do nothing because it's kids, and it's not at an unreasonable time (6pm-7pm is when they say it's too noisy). However we don't particularly want to live next to them as they are not terribly nice people.

Also, I don't want them in the same room however because they just wouldn't sleep - they are a nightmare if we go away anywhere.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

when my wife got the baby itch after the second one I got a puppy and a vasectomy


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> when my wife got the baby itch after the second one I got a puppy and a vasectomy


She's scare of dogs - so that might help! I suspect it won't quite be enough however, and I'm scared she will slap me if I suggest it (j/k, but I doubt she would be impressed!)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you could scare her with what futurists are predicting due to overpopulation


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

She has no idea that a third child will turn her life upside down. 2 is manageable but 3 is crazy. I have 3 and wouldn't change a thing but dang it's a lot of work. And being a family of 5 is challenging. Can't fit in regular cars, have to have a table for 6, seating at restaurants takes longer, many hotels won't take more than 2 kids, etc.


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> She has no idea that a third child will turn her life upside down. 2 is manageable but 3 is crazy. I have 3 and wouldn't change a thing but dang it's a lot of work. And being a family of 5 is challenging. Can't fit in regular cars, have to have a table for 6, seating at restaurants takes longer, many hotels won't take more than 2 kids, etc.


I came from a family with 3 kids and I remember stuff like that. Silly things like family tickets are 2 adults and 2 kids!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Also, when people tell me they want another baby, I always want to ask them what is lacking in their life that they think another human will fill.


:iagree: x 1000!!

I can't understand this NEED to constantly be pregnant and have more and more babies.
Why isn't two enough?!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you could always adopt 7 kids at once


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> :iagree: x 1000!!
> 
> I can't understand this NEED to constantly be pregnant and have more and more babies.
> Why isn't two enough?!


For me it was absolutely selfishly motivated. I was working a demanding career when I had my first two. I was sad that I missed all the baby stuff. I wanted to have ONE baby that I got to stay home with without the stress of having to go back to work afterwards.

Yes this was a dumb reason to have another baby but I can't give her back. She's 7 now and my husband and I both say we can't imagine our life without her in it. She's a great kid.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> For me it was absolutely selfishly motivated. I was working a demanding career when I had my first two. I was sad that I missed all the baby stuff. I wanted to have ONE baby that I got to stay home with without the stress of having to go back to work afterwards.
> 
> Yes this was a dumb reason to have another baby but I can't give her back now. She's 7 now and my husband and I both say we can't imagine our life without her in it. She's a great kid.


I was sad for missing out on my son's baby stuff too.It really shook my self worth and made me feel like a bad mother.


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

> Yes this was a dumb reason to have another baby but I can't give her back now. She's 7 now and my husband and I both say we can't imagine our life without her in it. She's a great kid.


You rarely hear a parent say anything but this. I know if I had one I'd love them, and I wouldn't be able to imagine what it would be like without them.

That aside I don't actually want another one. My wife on the other hand....


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband was on the fence. Btw she was an oops and no I didn't do it on purpose. One night without birth control (yes he knew) and I got pregnant. I still remember the color draining from his face when I told him. 

No I wouldn't give up my kids but if I had it to do over again I would have stopped at one....two tops.

I got ppd with the third, money was tight, no sleep, the fantasy of another baby was way better than the reality, kids in 3 different schools, etc.

Again though I don't entertain these thoughts because yes this blonde haired blue eyed kid with a script won both our hearts. She's absolutely delightful and evidently it was my destiny to have her.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

I too think she is trying for a girl. I know a couple who kept trying for a girl as well, and ended up with 5 restless little boys  They're quite well off financially and still they struggle.
I think 2 kids are enough...especially in your situation, with your eldest's illness. Why would your wife be miserable and resent you, when she already has 2 beautiful boys from you ? Try to sensibly present her all these arguments or have a member of her family talk some sense into her. It's a big decision,that both of you have to agree upon.


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

Oh yes, the memories of fitting a family of five in a Ford Taurus wagon. Is it less dangerous to put someone in the middle front seat with no shoulder belt or in the rear facing trunk seat with no headrest? Do they still make cars like that?


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

staarz21 said:


> Good grief, you gave her two already lol. One of you is going to end up with some resentment toward the other in this situation.
> 
> My H wants one more child, but we have one together and I am pregnant with another now. I told him I am completely done. I am having my tubes tied and there is no more say in it. Since I am the one that takes care of them most of the time, I think I should have that say unless he wants to start staying home or paying for a nanny. He has come around to it and it ok with that decision now. He realizes that two is just enough.
> 
> I think she should take some understanding at this point that you guys have two together already and that is plenty. What would she gain from having another child? She also could be going through personal issues as the other children are getting a little older and more independent. Some women start to feel as though they aren't needed as much anymore. I mean you spend 10 months growing the baby and then the first few years teaching them the basics of everything. When they get a little older, they want to tie their own shoes or get their own milk. Some women just feel like they aren't needed anymore.


We both work full time, and we both do our fair share with the kids (we take turns getting up/putting them to bed/tidying up).

I don't know what it is - and she can't really articulate it either, it's just something she _needs_. Really difficult to talk to her about it as it's just pure emotion.

Thanks for all the comments so far.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

We have 3 - 2 boys and a girl. 4.5 year gap between the second boy and the girl.

It's a great way round to have children.

Shortly after, (ok, a year or two) my wife raised the suggestion of another one - but we were a little tight on space, and the housing market was bad, etc etc - so we didn't.

Now we've moved house, I've got a higher paying job ... and some very close friends of ours who had exact mirror child demographics just had a baby ... and I raised the possiblity. This time she said no, it was too late now.

I think both of us wonder what might have been, at times...

Thinik very carefully before deciding not to - you KNOW you will never regret it once you hold them ....


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I know how your wife feels. I have two daughters, 6 and 3, and I would have loved another one. Girl or boy, just another one of our babies.

I adore my girls so much and I feel/felt very deeply that I wanted more children, not only another baby but another child and, later, another adult child in our family. 

But my husband didn't want any more. Our relationship struggled after our first was born, and I don't think his memories of the girls' babyhoods are happy ones, even though he loves them completely. 

Because I love my husband very much and would never want to push him into something so life-changing, I gave up the idea of another baby and he had a vasectomy last year. I was very sad, on and off, and even now it catches me sometimes. I'm tearing up a bit typing this. But I know he would have if he could have, so I don't allow myself to resent him or to dwell on things. 

I try to concentrate on the good things; we have more money, I can exercise properly again, I can make plans more easily, it's easier to give my girls attention, but in truth I would have given all that up and joyfully too, for another baby. What I wouldn't give up is my husband's happiness and the health of our marriage, which I think would have suffered. 

But it hurts, still. I wish my husband had felt differently. I wish he wanted more of our children.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm in the minority here. I have 3 children and I'm completely regretting NOT having a 4th. I didn't know we would be financially secure until retirement. It's too late as I physically can not bare any more children or raise them from being an infant. The only thing that held me back was not knowing if we were going to be financially secure. 

My husband is a fantastic father. He truly enjoys his time with the kids. He is always involved with them including coaching their sport teams and taking them to fun activities on the weekends. He raised his step daughter as his own. My husband did not oppose for a 4th child. It was my decision. 

Raising 3 children is not difficult. Especially when my husband and I are on the same page as far as discipline goes and what we expect from our children. My younger two are very well behaved and they get along with each other beautifully. 

Not having children could very well be a deal breaker in a marriage. That urge wanting children is very strong and it doesn't just go away.


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> That urge wanting children is very strong and it doesn't just go away.


Yup that part I understand. Do you think my wife will stop at 3 however?

hmm. I'm going out with my dad for a few drinks tonight to discuss this. I'll keep you all updated.


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## LoveBeingFemale (Nov 5, 2012)

Mother of four here. One of you will have to bend on this issue and the other will have to be content with the decision made. After we had our second son (one of our son's has high functioning autism), I still had a very strong desire for more children, but was somewhat reluctant about having another child not knowing the type of needs our son would have in the future. All of that disappeared one day when we were out and about and I was watching our boys playing ball with a younger girl while the adults were talking. I knew at that point in time that everything would work out. We eventually adopted two girls who are an absolute blessing in our lives, and we can't imagine life without them. Things have a way of working out. Different cars can be purchased that have more room. Bedding can be changed to accommodate more children--there are many options. I will say it's quite busy with four between cooking, cleaning, laundry, paperwork, school activities--etc. I do a lot of cooking at home--we eat out typically only on special occasions. On occasion, I still wish we would have more children, but I'm much older now and that feeling has waned and now I think about having grandchildren someday. It just doesn't make me sad anymore like it used to. I cannot stress enough about maternal desire--it's either there or it's not. I've known women who have known from a very young age that they didn't want children. One of our young daughter's deep desires is to be a mom---she has voiced it and I see the way she acts around other people--she has a very strong instinct to nurture others. Really have a heart to heart with your wife and let her say what she needs while she needs to listen to you also.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DaddyTo2 said:


> Yup that part I understand. Do you think my wife will stop at 3 however?
> 
> hmm. I'm going out with my dad for a few drinks tonight to discuss this. I'll keep you all updated.


Ok... here is the thing... I take it you & the wife did NOT talk about this, how large of a family she desires deep down in her soul BEFORE marriage.. I know I did... My husband KNEW yrs before he married me I wanted at least 3.. and if one of those was not girl, we'd keep going... all he asked of me was .... I needed to take care of them, it was MY job to get up in the middle of the night, bottles, diapers, and I considered it all a pure JOY.... but I wasn't working full time - that would be TOUGH. 

I had my reasons for wanting a large family... I was an only child.... I hated that, I grew up envious of those with siblings..I got a taste of my best friends family.... I loved being aroung them, the openness, the chaos... I wanted that experience for my own future......my mother left me when I was 10... I feel that "Mother daughter" connection was ripped from me....

I deeply wanted that IN MY LIFE... I didn't care about being Rich, competing with the neighbors, having new cars, lavish vacations, a night life...not into all that... but building a close knit family - with all the joys , highs & lows this brings... It was my dream...My fiance/ now husband KNEW this, and he was the "fatherly" type.. heck I think he is better with the kids than me! 

We had 6 ... and we'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, it wasn't until after the last, I finally felt my Quiver was FULL. 

Just my own personal story there.. .



Can your wife articulate WHY , with a full time Job, and the stress this brings on a Mother, a family.... why she wants to do it again... is it a lust for a little girl, to buy pink frillys, does she feel she will be missing that, regret it someday??? 

It took us to #5 to get our daughter...after all those sons, I was getting desperate.. I bought a book on how to get the SEX I wanted... to correlate when to DO IT ... (days before ovulation)... to not have the man cum and better to have a release earlier in the day in addition - to favor the female sex. It worked !!

I feel a woman should be able to articulate WHY she wants what she wants....dig deep into her own motives? Some of us cherish the idea of a larger family, not sure how you shake that. 

And will she hold up her end of the bargain in her responsibilities...obviously this is HUGE when dreaming of a larger family. 

It's tough when a couple is not on the same page.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

I agree with SA....while I understand the urge to have a child is very strong(I've certainly experienced it), I feel a woman should be able to articulate WHY she wants another child, much in the same way you've been able to articulate why you don't want any more. It's not enough for her to say "I don't know, I just do!". Otherwise I sense it's a void in her life which no amount of children will fill.

I have 3, my second pregnancy was twins, and my H and I even toyed with having a fourth. We initially hesitated because our chances of conceiving twins again were 4X higher. But the main reason we stopped was because my son was also diagnosed with ASD at 2.5 years. Even though his case is mild, I wanted to be able to focus 100% on addressing his needs. There was no way I could have been so involved with his behavior and speech therapy at home if I had a newborn to tend to. Now that he's in school, with homework and social skills, there are always things to work on with him. He's made fantastic strides and I know he would not have reached his full potential if we had more kids. That is something worthy of discussion with your wife. 

On the flip side, if you do decide to compromise, maybe arrange a firm agreement with her that you will have a V after the third, no ifs ands or buts. Then schedule it the day after delivery.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I don't know, what if she can't really articulate it? I don't think I really could have. I wanted another baby because I love our babies so much and I love being a mother so much. I find them completely enchanting, they fill me with joy.

Those aren't reasons, exactly though, are they? Certainly not ones that stack up particularly well against "we'd need a new car", "holidays would be more difficult".

I can't speak for your wife, but for me, three would have been enough. How many children were in her own family? There were three in mine, somehow three feels 'right' to me. Also, I suspect three would have increased the workload enough so that the costs/benefits would have swung further towards 'costs' for four or more. 

Truly, I think if you feel you possibly could cope with another child, have one. Make it clear that this is absolutely as far as you're willing to go, that you would prefer to stop at two, will stretch to three but, girl or boy, NO MORE.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

Lyris said:


> I know how your wife feels. I have two daughters, 6 and 3, and I would have loved another one. Girl or boy, just another one of our babies.
> 
> I adore my girls so much and I feel/felt very deeply that I wanted more children, not only another baby but another child and, later, another adult child in our family.
> 
> ...


:iagree: 

I very much wanted another child. There are two from my husband's first marriage who live with us full time, and one child who is 'ours'. (We talk in terms that they are all 'ours', but I'm just making the relationship between us clear.) I desperately wanted another child. We met later in life, and I didn't expect to get pregnant, particularly as I had had fertility problems with my first husband. When our son was about a year old, we thought I was pregnant, but I was not, and that was enough for him to decide to get a vasectomy. As I recall, I had to give permission, or he had to tell the doc he had gotten my permission, but I didn't actually say it was okay. He cited his parents' disappointment like, really, who in their right mind gives a sh!t what their parents think? It is too late now to rectify the situation as I am post menopausal, but it makes me very sad that I did not have another child. I feel cheated - and for no good reason other than his parents told him we shouldn't have another child. Huh.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Your wife may be experiencing a mid-life crisis, and she is mourning the end of her fertile years.

I would encourage her to explore her feelings, and come to terms with exactly why she wants another child. It should be a mutual, not a one-sided decision.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

Perhaps counseling would help you and your wife, OP? You are right to think that if you just turn your wife down flat without discussion, she will totally resent you, and it may hurt your relationship.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

If they've only been married for 7 years, I doubt she is having a mid-life crisis! That usually comes later - like, in your 50's, as that is "mid" life.


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

janefw said:


> If they've only been married for 7 years, I doubt she is having a mid-life crisis! That usually comes later - like, in your 50's, as that is "mid" life.


She turns 31 this year, so I really hope it's not a mid life crisis!

I have a good chat with my dad last night and out of nowhere I decided to picture myself 30 years from now:-

-With three kids
Regret nothing - I have never really heard a parent say they regret it - sure it's hard work, but they always say it was worth it.
- crappier holidays,cars etc in the short term

-With the two lovely boys
Possibly wondering what if...

I'll have a chat with my wife, but I suppose I'm starting to come round. 

I guess we need to be more realistic about the house. Is it unfair of me to say that while she is on maternity generally she will have to get up with the kids during the night, and get them to school/pick them up?

When she's working everything needs to be 50/50.

I remember with my first child being so excited/nervous - I had no idea what was coming. With my second having been so close to the first it just didn't feel any different. I'm pretty terrified this time round as I know whats coming . 

My wife is easily able to forget the bad bits. Strangely I haven't so much!

Thank you all for your amazing comments. I'm really sorry to those who perhaps have gotten upset by this. That's been a huge deciding factor for me because I don't really want my wife to be in that position.

I'll make it crystal clear one more and that's it!


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

DaddyTo2 said:


> She turns 31 this year, so I really hope it's not a mid life crisis!
> 
> I have a good chat with my dad last night and out of nowhere I decided to picture myself 30 years from now:-
> 
> ...


Daddy, You are the one thinking rationally. Do not give that up. 

Your issues with having another child are REASONS not excuses. What is her reason for having another one?

The problems that you've outlined will come and then the marriage will suffer and she'll eventually blame and resent you for the complications that arise from these problems.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

DaddyTo2 -

I find it really cool you spoke to your own father about this.

One thing I have noticed - years down the road, I have never spoken to anyone who regrets another child. I HAVE spoken to people who regretted not having more.

If you both work the same # of hours, then work around the house should be 50/50. Make a few loving allowances for those exhausting first and last months. It is scary and overwhelming. You know the exhaustion, mess and irritability that is ahead. But you will have some glorious highs.


So discuss with her in advance what your expectations of your life will be as far as who does what. And maybe have her agree to go ahead and have her tubes tied after delivery (if she has a C-section) or a vasectomy for you after the birth of this one.


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> DaddyTo2 -
> 
> I find it really cool you spoke to your own father about this.
> 
> ...


When we both work it will be 50/50 - just the same as it is now. But when she is on maternity I really would think it was only fair if she got up, but I'll discuss that with her first.

I have a really great relationship with my family. I also just needed someone to talk out loud with that had been there and done it. He only wanted 2, my mum wanted 4, they settled on 3.

@jfv - I suspect if I don't have another child with her then she will resent me far more than if the issues do arise. 

Fundamentally I still wouldn't choose to have another baby if my wife wasn't bothered. I'm still worried about money, lack of sleep etc, but will I think about these things 15 years from now? probably not, as long as the "excuses" or reasons as I prefer to call them don't push us too far.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

Daddy, it's often better to think of it as 100/100 than 50/50.  You are both then putting in the maximum.  

When I was a SAHM (happy days ..) I did the getting up in the night thing, and really I handled the vast majority of childcare and housework etc etc. My husband was active military at that time, so all he did was iron/starch his uniform, pretty much. However, when your wife is exhausted and you do not have to work or it is the weekend, there is nothing wrong with you taking a turn. Will you get paternity leave? 

Do remember, the baby years are so very very brief. This is something I remember only too well. The crying baby part - so long as your child is healthy - is just a few months. Then s/he will be moving on to sleeping all night, and being more mobile, and before you know it - s/he will be heading off to school!! 

We have three. I would have liked to have had five. There is a sadness that sometimes arises even now, when I am 50, that we didn't at least have one more child. Sure, there would have been compromises that we would have had to make but, so what? S/he would be in grade school by now, and we would have worked it out. Oh well .. 

31 is not a 'mid life crisis' age btw. That's still very young.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

It's lovely to read that you are seriously considering having another 

I think it is absolutely fair that the SAHP do most of the night duties, after the first six weeks or so. As long as she has time to recover from the birth, establish breastfeeding, if that's what you do, and get obver the very worst of the newborn day/night confusion. I suggest getting extra help too, with cleaning and cooking


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Do you have a firm grip on what resources you ASD Child will need? Special needs children can get very expensive.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Except when it happens in two weeks. I got robbed of all the hard work I was expecting to endure.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

We have 5, the last one was an attempt by my husband to make me happy as he noticed I seemed to be happier when I had a baby.

Now, it did not repair our marriage that was ailing at that stage. It did not make me happy, as a baby was not what I was actually yearning for. We separated soon after, but got back together just over a year later. 

She is now 15 and I have to admit there are days that I think that if I had not had the last child, I would now be free of dependent children. She has never been neglected or made to feel unwanted in any way, shape or form.

I am just saying, having another child is more than just having a cute baby around, you have to look at how much longer you will have dependents, as well as checking if your wife's unhappiness is more than just the desire for another baby.

By the way, our first 3 are boys, then 2 girls.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Bellavista said:


> By the way, our first 3 are boys, then 2 girls.



The other way around for my wife and myself, 2 girls & then 3 boys,

I know what you mean about the thoughts of how long it will be until you are "child free" I was 45 when my youngest was born so I will be well into my 60's before he is old enough to move out. I do not and have never regretted having a big family but sometimes it would have been cheaper / easier / nearer child free if we had stopped at two. Still each child is a blessing.


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

Just a little update. We had a beautiful boy over a year ago who we love very much.

My wife is now desperately unhappy at work, and agrees now it was wrong to have a third :-(.

Still at least I get to say I told you so :/


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Congrats
Now are you getting it snipped?


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## DaddyTo2 (Feb 27, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Congrats
> Now are you getting it snipped?


Yes. As quickly as possible!


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

I've been wanting a baby for the last two years, especially a girl. I have 2 boys 8 &13. My husband is adamant about not wanting another child. I just had my great niece and nephew age 4 &18 Mos because they had do go to the hospital to have their third. OK I totally forgot how exhausting it is to take care of little one . I could hardly understand what they wanted and couldn't find any time for myself. So needless to say, I do not or will ever want another child. If you can borrow a friend's infant for a weekend and see how see she feels and don't offer to help. I know this might seem harsh, but sometimes we mothers forget how difficult it was when they were little. Good luck!


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