# Possible Divorce



## nsxt290 (Jul 21, 2012)

Hi, First time one these forums. I am a new member so here goes my depressing story. Also, please be respectful, don't need -ve comments or sour grape answers>

Situation:
1) been married since Oct 2009
2) before we got married, she (''R'') was divorcee so if you have dealt with someone who has been divorced & that person initiated the divorce, you are going to come across a barrier that may be hard to climb over
3) I tried to be this ''romantic, caring person'' so she could see the difference in me vs the other guy she was with. I did this truthfully so we can acheive an ''emotional bond''.
4) This emotional bond is something that I ''lost'' with her b/c her responses were very ''non-schlong''. If you know what I mean.
5) I unfort met someone before my wedding that we instantly just connected in so many ways. I don't know I just fell in love with her that we did things without trying to impress each other or show that connection.
6) I married ''R" b/c I had made a commitment and wanted to go all the way. It was the right thing to do.
7) the other girl was supportive of me and understood this. I explained my situation and she knew what I was talking about so she encouraged me to continue with her even though she knew I loved her.
8)Few months later, R found a text of hers and I had responded with her replies as ''dear''.
9) I told R that we were friends and yes we did get close but kept it to a limit. It wasn't intentional or by purpose.
10) After that saga, we continued but I always felt some emptiness & made several attempts to contact that girl. I wrote to her via e-mail & got a response that nailed the door shut that we could not continue in any circumstances
11) i had astrayed and met several women not for sexual reasons but some emotional support to understand my problem. (some of you may not agree with this)
12) She got into my e-mails and our conversations between her & my past e-mails of different women as friends
13) Oct 20/2011> separated for 2 months. She wanted to come back and work things out
14) I honestly thought she was not coming back, and I had an affair with my ''friends''. Affair: oral sex
15) she found out via text message and that was that. We met a religious person whom she has seeked consuelling before & after the text message.
16) I have tried these past 7 months to change, open communication with her, tried to make her laugh, just be normal with the fake happiness
17) She still feels the same and wants to divorce although I don't.
18) Do I love her? Yes. HAve I changed in my ways? Yes. Do I contact these women or that one that I met before I got married? No. 
19) I don't know what else to do, I have done enough talking, promises, actions>>getting drained by acting only to have the exit door in my face.
20) She wants to do this ASAP b/c she feels that I have runied her love and shattered her whole marraige with me. We have had good times, I do care for her and do everything that a girl wants froma guy.
21) What do I do know? Accept it and move on? What have I missed to save our marriage. I do love her and respect her and work with her.I feel that I am not doing things for real with her only b/c she found out and rather than do things naturally with her it like an ''act''. I am depressed & tired. Angry as well on my part but her part initially. I mean this emotional bond thing, she doesn't accept that as my answer for seeking out other women.
She has lost respect for me yet she still cares. I know she loves me but can't move based on my past actions.

I came to seek some answers on what i should do b/c I am running out of steam to save my marraige.


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Gonna sound harsh, and it is...but you need to give her as much space as she deisres...divorce if need be...you have proven untrust wothy with the EAs and physical contact with others...why should she give you more chances???


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I couldn't get passed the part that said you met someone before your wedding that you connected with but married your wife anyway because it was "the right thing to do".

Uh. No it wasn't.


----------



## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

I am curious to know why you want to stay married. Marriage is a commitment, as much emotionally as physically, and I think you should ask yourself if you are really ready to soend the rwst of your life with this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nsxt290 (Jul 21, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nsxt290 (Jul 21, 2012)

I married her b\c i believed that
that things could have changed.

Yes, the past is something i can't change
so rather than feel guilty, i accept my actions
& want to move on to realistic goals.
People have done lots of bad, yet I find
it amazing that they still stick 
together. 
I do love her, i miss her & want to
give this my ultimate chance. Maybe
its some test from the Lord above. I don't
know. I do know that i should make
a change with her now with the time I
have. If she leaves, its over.
I am not a bad person , i have always
been a good person. So, although
all my good things we shared
Its basically over??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nsxt290 said:


> Yes, the past is something i can't change
> so rather than feel guilty, i accept my actions


Perhaps one of the big problems is that you do not feel guilty but instead entitled to cheating on your wife.



nsxt290 said:


> I am not a bad person , i have always
> been a good person. So, although
> all my good things we shared
> Its basically over??


A person is as good as the worst thing they do. You have cheated on your wife over and over. You have lied to her over and over. I don't know what your definition of a good person is.. but that's no my definition.

Well apparently all the good things you shared were not good enough for you. So you cheated.

I doubt she knows the full truth of what you have done as far as cheating but instead only what she found. 

She has every reason to leave you.

I feel very sorry for your wife. She married you in good faith and love only to be lied to can cheated on from the first day of her marriage. No one deserves that.


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I'm sorry but it sounds like you can't give your wife what she expects from a husband. You don't really get what you've done to her which puts you at risk of hurting her again. Sounds like you married out of obligation but regret it now. Divorce your wife and let her find someone who wants her. You should go spend some time working on your own issues so that future relationships will go better than this.


----------



## MainStreetExile (Jun 26, 2012)

> Also, please be respectful, don't need -ve comments or sour grape answers


Respectfully, this is PRECISELY what you need.


----------

