# Is the first year really the hardest?



## Anabel (Dec 21, 2012)

They say the first year of marriage is the most difficult...I was wondering if this was true in others' experiences. 

To anyone who is or has ever been married: Did you find it that it got better over time?


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Well for me it is better now than ever (year 36).

I am sure it will vary from one couple to another. What happens to a lot of people is that a relationship starts with a period of euphoria (whether or not you are married) that lasts often two to three years. Then the novelty wears off. So if you marry after two to three years you may hit this 'bump' shortly after marriage.

Then if you are in it for the long haul (which we have always been) you start really to get to know each other and hopefully grow together.

With time, in a good marriage, the love just gets deeper and deeper...........but it is different to the early euphoria.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Married 21 years and I think year 7 was the worst.

Our marriage got better because we BOTH worked at it.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Our first year was hell. We had my psycho ex break into our house and leave messages on my car. We were robbed at gun-point. Witnessed violent dog attacks in our neighbor's yard. Got pregnant twice, had an abortion with the first. Totalled a car and health problems were diagnosed. We had it rough and I don't think we were always there to support each other the way we should have been. It was just way too intense, and not in a good way. I regret that these things did not seem to draw us closer to each other.

Second year was crazy, too. Pregnancy, moving, loss of (my) income, continued health problems. Lots of fighting but counseling for both of us began.

Just began year three in October.

I don't think we're as close as we should be. The first year was so unbelievably insane that sometimes I feel like we missed out on our "honeymoon period" of bonding and getting to know one another. (We didn't live together before marriage).

In some respects things are easier now because we know what it's like to live with each other and we know each others' preferences. That stuff takes some time to work out.

The emotional disconnect is still there, but may be getting better. 
I think one of the major factors in whether or not the first year will be tough is whether or not you lived together beforehand. Getting used to having someone in your space all the time can be difficult, lol. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Married 21 years and I think *year 7 was the worst.*
> 
> Our marriage got better because we BOTH worked at it.


:iagree: The good ole 7 year itch.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Married 19 years. Year 17-18 the hardest. 
The first one was great!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

The first 5 years were great. Year 7, 15, 22, and 26 were very difficult. I'm looking forward to 35 years 

Why marital happiness grows after the golden anniversary

After the first few years of marriage, the so-called honeymoon period, marital happiness tends to go downhill for the next 20 years. Then, right around the golden anniversary, this downward spiral stops and couples start feeling more satisfied with each other. *By the time they've been married for 35 years, they're as happy as newlyweds, on average.*​
:smthumbup:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

In my case, because of the issues involved, things couldn't have improved over time. However, in many cases I'd say that during the first year a couple are still adapting to living together. It's how they learn to handle their differences that will have an important bearing on how the relationship develops - and it's best to have established a good method of doing so before planning a family together.


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## TryingandFrustrated (Nov 7, 2012)

We've been married for 12 years. I think so far year 12 has been the toughest, but that is because we finally decided to fix some issues that were nagging for the previous couple years that we were just putting aside. I'm still keeping a hopeful outlook that soon this year will be a better one and getting better from there.


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## DangerousCurves (Jul 18, 2012)

Hell, the first 10 years were the hardest if I have to be honest (lol). But yeah, I have to agree with some of the others... that "7 year itch" is a ***** and worse than the first year, imo. If you can get over that hump and still remain married then the rest is just gravy.

We will be celebrating our 18th this spring, btw.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

No...
You didn't have it on there, but I'd say it's that transition time after the first child is born. That's sort of when you put on the "mommy and daddy" hats and the dating life becomes very hard (babysitters, sleepless nights with crying baby, diapers, etc.).


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

Married just under 3 years with no children. Our only obstacles are our families. If we could get rid of both sides, we'd be all good.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Hardest years for us were those baby making/rearing years.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

We waited to have kids (married 9 years) so the baby making years weren't hard on our marriage. Parenting is hard yes and we bickered when exhausted but overall we did fine.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

For our marriage, it become an increasing challenge due to rug-sweeping actually


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

year 1 was wonderful, careers going well, new house, travelling, lots of great sex...

year two was nice, but by the end of it there seemed to be more stress and resentment building. Year 3 was pivotal, brought a wonderful new life into the world, but the new stress piled on top of the old stress and resentment got to be too much and the death spiral began, took a few years to completely unravel.


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