# Can't seem to proceed...



## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

I want to keep this very short.... I'm out 4 months from d daysss and counting. My wife seems to be willing to R and has cut all ties/ contact with om I'm sure if it. 
Now I'm having trouble putting this behind and trying to work on our marriage. I've been to IC solo for a couple sessions. We have not been to mc just yet. She is willing to go though. 
Basically she's trying to put in work and move forward but for some reasons I'm not going along with it and I'm having a hard time. I'm not sure what it is.... I call her names and have mood swings I just can't help it. I even go as far as saying to end things and proced with D. Do u suggest mc will help and should I make another ic appointment? 
Basically I don't know what I want to do. At times it's to R and then D 
Please shine some light on me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

if what you want is to reconcile, i suggest you give it some more time. you're only 4 months from d-day. these behaviors(mood swings) are to be expected. 

only you can say for sure when it's truly "over."


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## confusedFather (Jul 15, 2012)

Sounds like you're on that crappy roller coaster we all ride. I'm 5 months from d-day and am told I need more time.

Check out the posts from 2asdf2 on page one and SomedayDig on page two to read about the roller coaster. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/62719-how-much-should-you-know.html


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I wish I could provide you with some good advice. But I'm 4 1/2 years and still on the roller coaster. I think I made a mistake in trying to make it work. The mood swings are rough and I don't even know myself anymore. I think I was doing better right after I found it. That's just me though. I think if you want it to work out, you can make it work. But if you don't then its time to move on because its a lot of hard work and things won't ever be the same. At this point the feelings are still too raw, so if you don't know what you want, take a step back. Do some things with your friends or on your own. When you do, do you miss her or enjoying the freedom. I did that to begin with but somewhere got complacent and when I did, so did he and he got lazy about reconciling.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Onemic,

There are a lot of people on this board, including myself, in your position. I can tell you that what you are going through is typical for someone who has been betrayed. As you can see, you'll find many BS's in R, still not knowing if they've made the right decision for months and years.

In your case, comparatively, it hasn't been that long. I might suggest that you educate yourself and your wife on the emotions and behaviors that can be expected from a betrayed spouse. Also, what to look for in your wife to see that she is demonstrating true remorse for her actions.

If you continue to R, hopefully there will come a time when you will realize whether you made the right decision. I haven't arrived
there myself, 14 months after Dday, but every situation is different.

One thing I can tell you is it won't ever be the same. Even if she is willing to do the heavy lifting required it will still be an uphill struggle for you. I can also tell you that you need to be the best husband you can be, during this process. If you attempt R, you don't want it to fail because you didn't try your best to meet her needs. Stay away from the purgatory of half commitment.

One day I hope that all of us in this same boat will be able to post our success stories - whether that success came through R or divorce.


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## WonderHow (Dec 17, 2012)

I just read on another thread that the ones who seem best off are the ones that made an immediate decision to leave. I'm really, really starting to believe that's true but I almost exactly a year out from d-day2 and am feeling really bitter about the whole situation. 

I have the model wayward spouse but it's not enough. I had some very intense IC that got me past the trauma part of the A so have had to deal with the logic (or at least less emotional) ramifications of what happened for several months now and I think that's just as hard. At 4 months I was still in emotional turmoil but if my experience is an indication of what's typical even when the emotional part of this is not front and center, it doesn't really get any easier.

Do you have kids? For me that's the main thing keeping me hanging on. When I look at this as a black and white situation for me it comes down to making a personal sacrifice for the benefit of my kids.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

WonderHow said:


> Do you have kids? For me that's the main thing keeping me hanging on. When I look at this as a black and white situation for me it comes down to making a personal sacrifice for the benefit of my kids.


And emotions make it somewhere between black and white.
D*mn them


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

the fact that you are asking for advice here indicates getting advice from counseling in person may be a road to travel now, hopefully for both of you but if not, then at least for you.


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