# Need advice--New here



## OrangeDawn (Jun 15, 2010)

I'm new here as of today.

My problem is this--I guess I was that delusional bride who thought that "love was all you need." Now that we are back from our honeymoon, I feel so aimless. I quit my job to move close to his, which seperated me from my family and friends. I guess I just thought that as long as we were together, everything would be just rosy. That is definitely not the case, and I'm very, very depressed. I do love my husband with all my heart though, and I don't regret marrying him AT ALL. He is a wondeful, loving man. So why do I feel this way? Has anyone else gone through this?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Of course you are depressed--all the fan-fare and excitement of "getting married" is over, and you are now left with "everyday life." Do not feel bad about this; it's really normal to experience a let down after any "big" event. People who adopt children go through something similar and it makes them feel soooooooo guilty but it's just normal. We get so wrapped up in the excitement and unpredictability that we get lots of adrenaline boosts, etc. Now your body is adapting to routine again. BORING!! 

Not really, of course, and good for you for reaching out! Clearly, you need to find some friends and activities to get you back on your feet. Start by volunteering somewhere--anywhere you'd like. Think about who you are and the kinds of folks you'd like to meet, then volunteer where you will meet those kind of people doing something you will enjoy or at least feel good about doing. Working people tend to volunteer for evening/weekend things, while retirees and SAHMs whose kids are in school will volunteer during the work/school day. Do you like kids, animals, learning new skills? You could volunteer at a school, zoo, or for Habitat for Humanity. Want to meet some movers & shakers? Join the Arts Center's fundraising group. 

I also strongly encourage you to take up walking/biking/jogging in your new area. You will learn SO much about it just by leisurely walks/rides in new areas. I used to go for a jog the moment I hit a new city, and I'd be oriented so fast to where things were, even if I was only there for a few days! 

Also, talk to your h about these feelings but practice speaking in a non-threatening way. Tell him you just need to let him know you are a bit scared by these feelings and you'd feel safer talking them out with him. Ask him to listen and sympathize and let him know he does not need to suggest solutions and should certainly not feel that you in anyway blame him or are suggesting the relationship is inadequate. You are pretty suddenly alone in a new environment 8-10 hours/day and that is the root of the issue. You can talk about things your are thinking about doing to help, and maybe then ask for suggestions. But sharing this "bad feeling" (which of course you are afraid to say to him b/c you are afraid he'll take it as criticism) is pretty essential to the growth of your marriage, and he needs to understand it is essential for him to hear your feelings without feeling it is somehow his "fault" or that you are "blaming" him. Honest sharing of negative thoughts/feelings without a defensive reaction is a key component of a happy marriage. Good luck.


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## OrangeDawn (Jun 15, 2010)

Thanks so much for typing out such a thoughtful response. It really means a lot, a whole lot. I am not really the type of girl that enjoys tons of attention, so I'm not sure it's the "fanfare" aspect that's getting me, but I AM definitely a goal-oriented person, and now that the wedding is over, there is no clear goal in sight. You're right about talking to DH honestly....I just hate the thought of him feeling inadequate or like its his fault, but its true that we have to learn to share these things with each other. I guess what's surprising me the most is that I'm SO SAD at the thought of leaving my friends and family, and then I think, shouldn't the love I have for my husband drown out that sadness? It scares me.


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