# Wha'ppen?



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

15 months ago, my wife of 8 years separated from me, whilst in the early throes of an affair with an Alpha-esque OM#1, subsequently I sucked it up like a Beta-cuckolded-_twat _for 8 months hoping it would blow itself out...which it did, about a year ago to this month, only for OM#2, a 'friend' of mine at the time to step in and 'have a go' with my wife for another 2 months.

FF to today, we are a month or so from divorce, she isn't seeing anyone - she still lives in our marital home with our two kids while I have my own apartment, a nice BMW.
I'm 'switch-dating' between a red-headed, tattooed/pierced 29 yr old and a 37 yr old Accountant who I work with and in 2 months I'm going on vacation with some buddies to Brazil for 3 weeks in July for the World Cup.


Wha'ppen? :scratchhead:


----------



## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

davecarter said:


> 15 months ago, my wife of 8 years separated from me, whilst in the early throes of an affair with an Alpha-esque OM#1, subsequently I sucked it up like a Beta-cuckolded-_twat _for 8 months hoping it would blow itself out...which it did, about a year ago to this month, only for OM#2, a 'friend' of mine at the time to step in and 'have a go' with my wife for another 2 months.
> 
> FF to today, we are a month or so from divorce, she isn't seeing anyone - she still lives in our marital home with our two kids while I have my own apartment, a nice BMW.
> I'm 'switch-dating' between a red-headed, tattooed/pierced 29 yr old and a 37 yr old Accountant who I work with and in 2 months I'm going on vacation with some buddies to Brazil for 3 weeks in July for the World Cup.
> ...


You finally listened to me.:smthumbup:


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

You won?


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

What do you mean what happened...you moved on with your life. She on the other hand found out that the statistics are true 98 percent of relationships that start as affairs fail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

one word "Karma"


----------



## Luvmyjava (Feb 9, 2014)

davecarter said:


> 15 months ago, my wife of 8 years separated from me, whilst in the early throes of an affair with an Alpha-esque OM#1, subsequently I sucked it up like a Beta-cuckolded-_twat _for 8 months hoping it would blow itself out...which it did, about a year ago to this month, only for OM#2, a 'friend' of mine at the time to step in and 'have a go' with my wife for another 2 months.
> 
> FF to today, we are a month or so from divorce, she isn't seeing anyone - she still lives in our marital home with our two kids while I have my own apartment, a nice BMW.
> I'm 'switch-dating' between a red-headed, tattooed/pierced 29 yr old and a 37 yr old Accountant who I work with and in 2 months I'm going on vacation with some buddies to Brazil for 3 weeks in July for the World Cup.
> ...


I love you DaveCarter.. LOL


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

My point is, I don't see it as a 'who won?' situation.

My wife, Danielle, as much as a pedestal I put her up on...I love very much...and I still cry over her, when I think about her...not because of what she did, but because of the her generally good character, then good times we had and memories that come flooding back.
From reading my threads / posts, you'll know how much of a prIck I was to her....and equally, how much of a b!tch she was to me back...as she said to me when the affair started, _"we were both asleep for so many years...I woke up first"._


However, an even stronger feeling is what's happening now...and what's for the future.
I'm 47...I guess my point is, life is, what it is at any time of your life.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

No signs of her wanting to 'try again'?

Now that she has seen the new Dave?


----------



## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

So, how's your wife reacting to the divorce? Is it something she's really glad about, or is she wishing it had all never happened and you could stay together?


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> No signs of her wanting to 'try again'?
> 
> Now that she has seen the new Dave?





thummper said:


> So, how's your wife reacting to the divorce? Is it something she's really glad about, or is she wishing it had all never happened and you could stay together?


Wysh / thump.
No, we get on a lot better now.
Each morning I drive to work, I call home at 8am, she lets me talk to the kids through speaker-phone and I give them all a funny/silly 'daily weather-and-news report'.

It's one of those situations of..."can't-live-with-you-can't-live-without-you' scenarios.

I miss my STBX-wife...even though I see her every week...I know now that I did the wrong thing...I looked on her as a 'Trophy Wife' (when i first met her, she was one of those women men think "I've got no chance with her")...

The mistake I made? Treating her more as a 'wife' and 'mother'...and not a 'woman', which is what the OM totally identified and acted upon.

I understand it now.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Dave you are my new hero.

When you get back from the World Cup let us know if what they say about the ladies is true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

This is awesome. I feel similarly about my ex. We had a great life together. I have a great life now. What was the point of all that? 

I am of the opinion now that it doesn't matter all that much WHO your SO is. As long as a woman is attractive, puts out pretty regularly, doesn't cheat, and doesn't give me crap for minor stuff, that's all I need. You're gonna have ups and downs with anyone. My hotter and 10 year younger gf is great, but I would have no problem being with my ex instead if she could meet the above criteria, and I would do it in a heartbeat to see my kid every day.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What's that Dave? You're dating a tattooist and she's going to give you a Brazilian?  

Wish I had my reading glasses on.


----------



## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

davecarter said:


> Wysh / thump.
> No, we get on a lot better now.
> Each morning I drive to work, I call home at 8am, she lets me talk to the kids through speaker-phone and I give them all a funny/silly 'daily weather-and-news report'.
> 
> ...


God, that's one of the saddest things I've heard since I started reading on this site. Is there ANY chance for reconciliation, or is it just too late. It sounds like you both still have deep feelings for each other.


----------



## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

davecarter said:


> I'm 'switch-dating' between a red-headed, tattooed/pierced 29 yr old and a 37 yr old Accountant who I work with....
> 
> 
> Wha'ppen? :scratchhead:













Sorry Dave.... I couldn't help myself. You probably knew it was coming.


----------



## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

I identify so much with Davecarter....I was an extremely poor husband - great father! I had lot of built up resentment towards my ex and could not express it to her...I wanted to keep the peace. She would not look at herself - so it became a chore. Everything became a chore...I got tired, I am sure she got tired. 
But the affair was the bomb that went off and really destroyed everything....much like a bomb in real life there is nothing left to do but to walk around examine the rubble left in its wake. I loved the woman and my family and believed we had an understanding that despite being messed up we had family and were perhaps least messed up than others. All that is gone...bumped into her for the first time in 6 months - she's looking her age, not looking happy, she even mentioned the term "middle-aged woman" - but she is too proud to ever admit she made a mistake..still in the mode of "you did more wrong to me". I find our moments together sad....like watching the rubble after a bomb goes off. I was thinking today..I do not know her mother anymore, or sisters, or nephew or nieces,,,,all good will is gone. No young woman will replace all of that. they will suffice my ego for a bit but never replace what was there.


----------



## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Great post Dave !!

Reading what you shared will now give guys and girls hope and understanding that life does indeed go on 

Pain and suffering slowly but surely goes away ...... we just need to let time heal the wounds . I'm very happy for you !


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Have to say Dave the most upsetting thing for me about your post here is finding out that YOU are going to the world cup in Brazil of all places and I AM NOOT!!

What a barsteward you are !!

Believe it or not three years ago I had planned to go to Brazil for the same but ending the marriage and separating over the last two years wiped me out financially and I had to call it off!

What a biatch, A good reason to hate her as much as the serial infidelity !! 

Ah well I'll console myself in the outside chance that my team, Arsenal, might even scrape to an FA cup final win - probably not on current form but you never know  

______

Sounds like you are sorted on your wife. Up up and away my man


----------



## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

Headspin said:


> Have to say Dave the most upsetting thing for me about your post here is finding out that YOU are going to the world cup in Brazil of all places and I AM NOOT!!
> 
> What a barsteward you are !!
> 
> ...


If I supported Arsenal, today I'd keep that to myself.:scratchhead:


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

2asdf2 said:


> If I supported Arsenal, today I'd keep that to myself.:scratchhead:


No worries I'm used to our end of season collapses and the pathetic excuses - it's what being an Arsenal supporter is all about these days !


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Ha ha, a Gooner! :rofl:


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Ha ha, a Gooner! :rofl:


Believe nobody laughs more at our and Wenger's insane ineptitude more than me ......

Uuuuuurgh


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Dave you are my new hero.
> When you get back from the World Cup let us know if what they say about the ladies is true.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, it wasn't cheap! Apts / hotels are like 5x the normal rate. And I have 3-4 'contacts' for when Im there (Rio de Janiero, Sao Paulo and Manaus)



OnTheRocks said:


> This is awesome. I feel similarly about my ex. We had a great life together. I have a great life now. What was the point of all that?
> I am of the opinion now that it doesn't matter all that much WHO your SO is. As long as a woman is attractive, puts out pretty regularly, doesn't cheat, and doesn't give me crap for minor stuff, that's all I need. You're gonna have ups and downs with anyone. My hotter and 10 year younger gf is great, but I would have no problem being with my ex instead if she could meet the above criteria, and I would do it in a heartbeat to see my kid every day.


I still think about her a lot...because I always thought (and she still agrees) that we were 'soul-mates' (bit of a cliche I know)..but I made that classic mistake of putting her up on the pedestal and seeing as some kind of 'trophy bird'.
I think that's the difference between myself and her OM: I'm cerebral..he's more primal. He knows, given his looks and IQ that he might not get a long-shot at my wife (turns out he didn't) so he's going to use whatever 'attributes' he has to keep her for as long as he could.
I'm a thinker. He's a do'er.
I've rectified that somewhat.



MattMatt said:


> What's that Dave? You're dating a tattooist and she's going to give you a Brazilian?
> Wish I had my reading glasses on.


Strangely enough...I don't feel too bothered about the 29 yr old...I mean we got on and stuff but there's never going to be any LTR...
She openly dates other guys and we're all cool about things.
She's into allsorts of kinky stuff...threesomes, cuckolding, S&M and whatever takes her fancy really.
Sweet girl.



thummper said:


> God, that's one of the saddest things I've heard since I started reading on this site. Is there ANY chance for reconciliation, or is it just too late. It sounds like you both still have deep feelings for each other.


Nahh..we're done, thummper. I'm not proud of it, but we had a very intense and sometimes violent marriage....to the outsiders it looked like we were pretty stable and in-tune...but can you imagine two adults on the floor, grappling with each other under the Christmas tree? That actually happened, in 2011. :scratchhead:
I can even admit here and now....that a lot of this is partly due to my upbringing. My Mom was quite strict until I was a teenager and i think I counter-projected some of that onto Dani during our marriage.
She'd often say to me in the later years of our marriage:_ "it's like I'm looking after 3 kids here, not 2"_
Yes, we do have feelings for each other....and even at the strongest part of her relationship with OM#1, there were a couple of instances (tragic now, looking back), that she was almost 'urging' me to do something to 'get her back'.
Unfortunately, I didn't have the balls to 'man-up' and do that.



omgitselaine said:


> Great post Dave !!
> Reading what you shared will now give guys and girls hope and understanding that life does indeed go on
> Pain and suffering slowly but surely goes away ...... we just need to let time heal the wounds . I'm very happy for you !


Hey OMG...well, I think the main reason I got through it all...and let's be fair, my wife went through a lot of sh!t as well, even though she was with OM....was that I re-connected with some old friends I hadn't seen for ages...and we had a great Summer: basically acting like kids again, doing the bar-crawls each weekend, playing golf, driving around doing nothing...anything to take the mind off things.
TAM helped a great deal. I would have continued being the doormat, looking after the kids each time which freed up Danielle to go and stay at Darren's (the OM).
_"How can you take that? How can you stay in that home knowing she's out there doing the whole '50 Shades of Grey' thing with him"?_



Headspin said:


> Have to say Dave the most upsetting thing for me about your post here is finding out that YOU are going to the world cup in Brazil of all places and I AM NOOT!!
> What a barsteward you are !!
> Believe it or not three years ago I had planned to go to Brazil for the same but ending the marriage and separating over the last two years wiped me out financially and I had to call it off!
> 
> ...


Headspin, if you're gonna go...go big.
_(actually, my wife could easily have said that to me for reasons of leaving me for OM#1)_
Anyway, ahem, moving on...yeah...I got 3 weeks there and I can't wait: 3 of us going, 5 matches. I need to brush-up on my Portuguese and caipirihna-drinking skills. :lol:

I hope I don't come across as some condescending jerk who looks at people and says "_Hey! get some nuts! There's a life out there!"_
I'm not a hero....for many years I was a lazy, neglectful ass who didn't take care of his wife's physical and emotional needs. Looking back, part of me thinks _"I see why she looked around and had her head turned"._...but I am sad I lost her...I still love her and I hope she gets what she didn't get off me.

The 'Wha'ppen' basically refers to the fact I'm 47 now and the last 8 years are almost like....a 'dream'. But we have 2 kids, we had some fun stuff, we fought, we loved, we cried, we got drunk and we know each other inside and out....but, bottom-line is...we were too intensely wired for each other.


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

davecarter said:


> I still think about her a lot...because I always thought (and she still agrees) that we were 'soul-mates' (bit of a cliche I know)..but I made that classic mistake of putting her up on the pedestal and seeing as some kind of 'trophy bird'.
> I think that's the difference between myself and her OM: I'm cerebral..he's more primal. He knows, given his looks and IQ that he might not get a long-shot at my wife (turns out he didn't) so he's going to use whatever 'attributes' he has to keep her for as long as he could.
> I'm a thinker. He's a do'er.
> I've rectified that somewhat.


You're on the right path. The nostalgia will diminish with time. I'm about 2.5 yrs out from DDay, and 2 yrs past divorce final. I don't miss the relationship we had at all anymore. She just looks kinda old and desperate to me now, and she comes across a lot more fake than I realized back when I was in love with her. She's a good mom to my kid, and that's all that matters anymore. 

Personally, I was never much of a doormat / nice guy, but even less so now, and I definitely prefer who I am these days. It does piss me off that I wasted a decade with nothing but half a kid and a big child support payment to show for it, but the really important lessons in life don't come cheap. It'll never happen to me again, that's for damn sure.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

davecarter said:


> FF to today, we are a month or so from divorce, she isn't seeing anyone - she still lives in our marital home with our two kids while I have my own apartment, a nice BMW.


If she is going to stay in the marital home, make sure your attorney has the house appraised, subtract what is owed on the mortgage, the you get 1/2 that equity from her. If she can't pay it, then you can have that much removed from her entitlement to any other assets, such as retirement.




> I'm 'switch-dating' between a red-headed, tattooed/pierced 29 yr old and a 37 yr old Accountant who I work with and in 2 months I'm going on vacation with some buddies to Brazil for 3 weeks in July for the World Cup.
> 
> 
> Wha'ppen? :scratchhead:


Please don't do to these two women you are dating that which your wife did to you. I know many think multidating is ok in the absence of any commitment talk, but make sure these women know the score. If they are both ok with it, then its all good, and enjoy.


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

vellocet said:


> 1 - If she is going to stay in the marital home, make sure your attorney has the house appraised, subtract what is owed on the mortgage, the you get 1/2 that equity from her. If she can't pay it, then you can have that much removed from her entitlement to any other assets, such as retirement.
> 
> 2 - Please don't do to these two women you are dating that which your wife did to you. I know many think multidating is ok in the absence of any commitment talk, but make sure these women know the score. If they are both ok with it, then its all good, and enjoy.


1 - Here's where I win again: when we bought the house we are/were in now...back in June 2012, Danielle put 80% of the money onto it. She basically owns more than the 'lion's share' of our house.
When, last April she thought a 'separation' would be better for us (aka so she could started shagging her OM), she also asked me to move out...I did so.
FF to now, because we're getting divorced, here's what she didn't bank on: the courts split things 50-50 here in UK.
To put things bluntly, she is royally _f*cked_.
She has to pay _me _to move out.
Why do you think I went and bought myself an M3?

2 - LOL. You're kidding, right? :scratchhead:


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Dave

Glad you are slowly recovering "you".

And while your marriage has died at the hands of you and your wife don't forget that she did not have to choose to cheat on you.

Not once or twice.

She owns that all on her own.

So now that you have found your balls, gotten the bachelor pad as well as the M3 do yourself one more favor.

Hunt down your deucebag "friend" OM2 and cold **** him in the dark one night.

He deserves it.

And you will finally be using those balls to their true potential.

Enjoy your trip Dave.

HM


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

happyman64 said:


> Dave
> 
> Glad you are slowly recovering "you".
> 
> ...


HM - no need to do anything with OM#2: he basically went after my wife because he saw her as a 'target' because of her involvement with OM#1...it was a total ego-trip for him, nothing more.
At that time, wife and I were separated and she considered OM#1 as 'her fella'.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I'm a Gooner, going to Wembley today, I'm bricking what should be a fairly straight forward game...


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

davecarter said:


> Wysh / thump.
> No, we get on a lot better now.
> Each morning I drive to work, I call home at 8am, she lets me talk to the kids through speaker-phone and I give them all a funny/silly 'daily weather-and-news report'.
> 
> ...



Been there and did that.

This last post hit very very close to home for me and Mrs. the guy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

davecarter said:


> I looked on her as a 'Trophy Wife' (when i first met her, she was one of those women men think "I've got no chance with her")...


Ah yes! The siren song of the golden pedestal...it has a lot to answer for sorry to say.

The experience will definitely make you stronger though. 
Eventually you will have a happier life with a more down to earth, but less idolised, more faithfull woman because you are one of the "lucky" ones that got away.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Well Dave, stranger things have happened.

If she sees a lot of the new Dave don't be surprised if she suddenly mentions 'trying again'.

You can poo poo the possibility all you like but this forum is rife with stories of formerly WS who suddenly see their new, confident spouse in a completely different light especially when they are out there getting laid like tile.


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Well Dave, stranger things have happened.
> 
> If she sees a lot of the new Dave don't be surprised if she suddenly mentions 'trying again'.
> 
> You can poo poo the possibility all you like but this forum is rife with stories of formerly WS who suddenly see their new, confident spouse in a completely different light especially when they are out there getting laid like tile.


Yep, that old 'people stick with what they know' adage.
Doubt it though. I don't think its anything to do with me having a bacheloresque lifestyle at 47 again....if anything, she'd only try for Reconciliation for security reasons.
One of the reasons she gave for wanting a separation was _"one of us was going to kill the other"._

And to be honest, I haven't actually 'Man'd Up' or turned into 'Alpha Dave'...I know who I am and what I am, emotionally, mentally and sexually now.
I struggled with it for a while, comparing myself, but I'm not like my wife's OMs...I don't have to be - I've got my own set of attributes: I'm okay financially and health-wise, I go to the gym, I still like boxing even though at my age getting hit isn't too clever so, now the weather's better I play golf, I go cycling, I drive my car, I like to stay in most weekends and have a few drinks, cook for myself, watch movies....however, I'm very aware that one can get too comfortable in their own space and cocoon.

I've got a couple of female friends that, are dying to start a relationship with me...but I'm seeing them as friends only.

Life is not perfect, cos there's no such thing but it's steady.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

To be honest Dave I think you don't have to be 'alpha' I think there is too much emphasis on being 'alpha' or at least someone else's idea of 'alpha'.

You just need to be the best man you can be physically, mentally and emotionally, take care of your shet, don't be a lazy arse and don't take any unnecessary crap.
And if that isn't good enough for your wife or SO because she want's a Chuck Norris clone then you are better off saying buhbye because there are plenty of women who will appreciate a man who really truthfully does his best.

Posted before, but my wife calls me her balpha c0cky cook, balpha =her near ideal blend of beta and alpha. C0cky cook? Well I love cooking for her and I love bonking her.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

BobSimmons said:


> I'm a Gooner, going to Wembley today, I'm bricking what should be a fairly straight forward game...


:smthumbup:

Get in Bob!

Yeah and you should be bricking it given our perpetual fragile mental state under Wenger !

Thank fk Ramsey is back but probably too late.

We should win but will probably botle it as usual in a big game 

..but fingers crossed 

C'mon the Arse !


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

davecarter said:


> Yep, that old 'people stick with what they know' adage.
> Doubt it though. I don't think its anything to do with me having a bacheloresque lifestyle at 47 again....if anything, she'd only try for Reconciliation for security reasons.
> One of the reasons she gave for wanting a separation was _"one of us was going to kill the other"._
> 
> ...


It's interesting isn't it Dave 

I'm in a similar position to you, our ties are still trying to get the the end game of finances house etc but mentally I'm clear about many many things now 

I think at the end of these things dday and soon after you are thinking somehow I caused this I must have changed this and changed that , that's what has caused her to etc etc etc. I ended up believing myself half the sh!t she spouted about me to toxic friends etc 

BUT actually, two years later it's bollocks. Like you I'm very comfortable in my own skin, not interested in any permanent woman, have great friends family and realize I am me, I am far from perfect of course, but I'm the same mentally strong, generous kind man, great father I always was and will be and *I am no different to what I was when with her *

*She* changed. She got complacent, took me for granted, in the small lows of a long term relationship she fell for a another married posom time and again thinking the grass was greener and each time it never was and now even though with the last posom, that's already been rocked a few times (her recently wanting to come 'home') " I know Ive made huge bad choices" "I know I'm weak" "I can see how good we were" blah fking blah. She wanted 'more' 

I've realises a few things here as time has wore on - We are the same. She was always a cheating adulterer waiting to go into action mode whenever she gave herself a green light and I was always a loving caring husband who gave her everything who had no boundaries that was always going to get shat upon by her. That 'no boundaries' is my fault but then again that's easier said than done when it comes to love

I'm not up for it right now but I know I'm a good guy and will do little different when it comes again just that that someone will no doubt appreciate it a lot more than stbxw


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

davecarter said:


> 1 - Here's where I win again: when we bought the house we are/were in now...back in June 2012, Danielle put 80% of the money onto it. She basically owns more than the 'lion's share' of our house.
> When, last April she thought a 'separation' would be better for us (aka so she could started shagging her OM), she also asked me to move out...I did so.
> FF to now, because we're getting divorced, here's what she didn't bank on: the courts split things 50-50 here in UK.
> To put things bluntly, she is royally _f*cked_.
> ...



That's just flipping sweet!!! 




> 2 - LOL. You're kidding, right? :scratchhead:


Absolutely not. Unless you think its ok to play women.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Dave you need to quit dwelling on the Alpha/Beta stuff and realize that, even though you made a few mistakes, 90% of the demise of the marriage rests on your WW's poor choices and lack of morals. 

So the OM was more aggressive, more of a doer than a thinker... so what? 

Was he there helping your wife when she brought your newborns home from the hospital? Was he there to console her when things went bad in her life, or support her when she wanted to do something to improve herself? No...that was you. 

Where is Mr. Studmuffin now? Were is hot Mr. OM#2 now? Have you asked her that? Have you asked her if she is happy that she threw her marriage in the dustbin and destroyed her children's sense of home and stability? Have you asked her how it feels to be a cheap two-bit liar and sneak? 

Why do you blame yourself for her bad choices? Why? Because she is still up on the pedestal, that's why.

It's okay to hate her if you want to. 

I think you are one hell of a cool dude. I'd like to come to England and buy you a pint....and I don't even drink.


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Dave you need to quit dwelling on the Alpha/Beta stuff and realize that, even though you made a few mistakes, 90% of the demise of the marriage rests on your WW's poor choices and lack of morals.
> 
> So the OM was more aggressive, more of a doer than a thinker... so what?
> 
> ...


You busted me.

I do dwell on the Alpha-Beta stuff because I was confused about it all when i first read about it and applied it to my situation.

I don't agree on the 90% was my wife's fault: during our marriage I was pretty neglectful. Almost like, I felt so jealous that I acted like a jerk and an a$$hole to keep her.
What a c*nt I was. 

When she separated from me and almost immediately started seeing OM#1, I was naturally crushed....then the 'acceptance' phase hit me. I actually started to think that maybe she deserved a guy like this.
I remember, maybe last November....I went over one night and we sat drinking and talking...and I broke down...and i remember saying to her: _"I've lost my wife and my family. And I'm to blame"_

I've often heard the phrase, 'a happy woman/wife doesn't cheat'...and in this case I can identify with it.
Yeah, you might be right I put Danielle up on a pedestal, and we were together for 8 years...ups and downs...but these days are getting easier and easier and, if it wasn't for our 2 kids...she would just be someone 'I used to know'

So sad, that it actually hurts.


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

It wasn't your job to "make her happy". It was her job. As long as there is not abuse (physical, verbal, infidelity), her enjoyment of her own daily life is all on her. 

'Neglectful' is extremely subjective - one woman might consider her mate 'smothering', while another would view the exact same circumstances and behavior as 'neglectful'.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You're too hard on yourself and you give her waaay too much of a pass. 

You did not deserve to be cheated on. 

And if you ever break down in front of her again I will fly over and smack you in the head.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

davecarter said:


> I've often heard the phrase, 'a happy woman/wife doesn't cheat'...and in this case I can identify with it.


This phrase is farcical, cheaters will cheat for a myraid of reasons including being "happy."

If you want to take the blame go ahead. I'll pretend you are the first guy that treated his wife poorly and her only option was to cheat.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Headspin said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Get in Bob!
> 
> ...


 Got there eventually, the crowd was massive, not having that Gooners are quiet lark, we sang our hearts out.

Everton slipped up today too...fourth is like a trophy you know


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

davecarter said:


> You busted me.
> 
> I do dwell on the Alpha-Beta stuff because I was confused about it all when i first read about it and applied it to my situation.
> 
> ...


Alpha Beta smeta.

Look I don't think it's a question of the image of hard males who can walk into a bar and drag a women away from her boyfriend whilst silencing him with one look into his eyes.

We try to do what's best at the time. 

Yes it maybe wrong but it's who we are. You tried to work things out in the face of a lot of wrong doing but the minute the lack of respect became apparent you should have cut the cord.

You can still be a nice guy and treat people respectfully but bring that hammer down like Thor when people disrespect you.

Enjoy your life moving forward. We can only move forward, what's happened in the past is done and gone. We move forward in life getting older while the clock counts down, seconds become minutes becomes hours wasted regretting and being bitter about stuff and people in the past who gave two f*cks about you.

You have control back of your life and largely your emotions. Enjoy that freedom brother. Life is good!


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

BobSimmons said:


> Got there eventually, the crowd was massive, not having that Gooners are quiet lark, we sang our hearts out.
> 
> Everton slipped up today too...fourth is like a trophy you know


hahha 

Yep talk about making it difficult I thought Everton not sustain it although brillaint from Martinez - I rate him 

4th a trophy? - well for me that's precisely where Wenger went wrong many years ago 

It's become 'business' to qualify for the CL but actually the truth is in never getting any further than the quarters apart from 2006 it's actually just a money spinning exercise imo and being an old git and a former player at a good level I want to see cups trophies, not the mediocre settling for 4th place because the board have more money to gloat over 

I've wanted Wenger gone for many years 

I'll stop there as this could go on a serious rant !

Anyways great to get to the cup final and hope we win it. Hull are no mugs and if we play like against Wigan people like Huddlestone will make us pay big time. 

We need for the first time in months to really play somewhere near our best 

Hopefully Ramseys return will kick start it. Really missed him


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

davecarter said:


> You busted me.
> 
> I do dwell on the Alpha-Beta stuff because I was confused about it all when i first read about it and applied it to my situation.
> 
> ...


I don't know about that Dave I think they can because if an opportunity arises and they are going through an 'unhappy' phase some will take it 

Some are mor selfish than we know I spose when this sh!t hits the fan you find out just exactly what kind of a person you have really been living with.

Some people Dave are also never content. "I have everything BUT maybe it will all go wrong because I do have everything." They almost look for it to go tits up ..................and lo and behold


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

OnTheRocks said:


> It wasn't your job to "make her happy". It was her job. As long as there is not abuse (physical, verbal, infidelity), her enjoyment of her own daily life is all on her.
> 
> 'Neglectful' is extremely subjective - one woman might consider her mate 'smothering', while another would view the exact same circumstances and behavior as 'neglectful'.


Rocks - I am ashamed that things have been violent from me to her and vice-versa (she pulled a knife on me once) and police were called a few times for 'domestic disturbance'.
But to see us together, you would never, ever in a million years suggest, _"Oh yeah, Jerry Springer material, these two"_
I have a decent job, we're both pretty intelligent people...we live ok.


bandit.45 said:


> You're too hard on yourself and you give her waaay too much of a pass.
> 
> You did not deserve to be cheated on.
> 
> ...


Bandit - so many people have said this to me....along with_ "you over-analyze everything in life instead of 'doing stuff' "_
Her cheating on me - well, it took a few months for her to come clean on that. When we separated back last year, she always maintained nothing happened between her and OM#1 until after I moved out. When she admitted to me that this wasnt the case and she been seeing him maybe 6 weeks beforehand, I wasn't shocked or surprised.
Me breaking down in front of her? I've no shame in that. She did the same. It's horrible when that happens, when two adults realise what's actually happened to their marriage.


BobSimmons said:


> Alpha Beta smeta.
> 
> Look I don't think it's a question of the image of hard males who can walk into a bar and drag a women away from her boyfriend whilst silencing him with one look into his eyes.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I guess by reading 'MMSLP' and stuff on here and Chateau Heartiste, its very easy to buy into the whole 'sexual-ranking' thing.
However, I am what I am. I'm not ashamed of that, in fact a close female-friend of mine who deals with psychology said to me _"I don't know if you're dominant or submissive...but so what does it care?"_
I spent the day with Danielle and the kids today - it was a great afternoon....but we both know we're just there for our kids. We don't fight anymore (we argue and there's always some competitiveness there) and I don't have mental breakdowns thinking about her and her OM#1 anymore.

BTW, Headspin - ManU are going steal The Arse's 4th place.
Title is Liverpool's now.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Meh.


You can poo poo it all you like. Seen it so many times on this forum.

Do not be surprised. "Shall we try again."

You're probably right, she is done and gone, but if you are a thinker not a doer it might be worth considering your response ahead of time.


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Meh.
> 
> 
> You can poo poo it all you like. Seen it so many times on this forum.
> ...


Well, if we did try a 2nd time...both of us would have to change _drastically_...and I don't know of that could happen.


----------

