# Is It Me Or Are The Vast Majority Of Posts Here Regarding...



## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

The wives cheating on the husband? I know the stats say that men cheat more but judging by this site it looks like women cheat a lot more. It seems like it's 20:1 women:men cheating here. Is it just a small sample size or are women drastically out-cheating their male counterparts? I know I'm in the cheating wife club as is every single one of my married (or divorced) male friends.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

cuchulain36 said:


> The wives cheating on the husband? I know the stats say that men cheat more but judging by this site it looks like women cheat a lot more. It seems like it's 20:1 women:men cheating here. Is it just a small sample size or are women drastically out-cheating their male counterparts? I know I'm in the cheating wife club as is every single one of my married (or divorced) male friends.


Probably because women usually have a bigger support network IRL than men do. You know....ego and all. You ladies can talk about this stuff more freely amongst yourselves than we can. Right or wrong, it's just the way it is.

I wouldn't use the numbers here as a barometer for comparison. I would imagine the numbers are quite even.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Oddly I looked at his in the past as well here.. I also notice that my friends are in the same boat of wife being the wayward. 

But I think overall men are more prone to post about this stuff then women are..


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

cuchulain36 said:


> The wives cheating on the husband? I know the stats say that men cheat more but judging by this site it looks like women cheat a lot more. It seems like it's 20:1 women:men cheating here. Is it just a small sample size or are women drastically out-cheating their male counterparts? I know I'm in the cheating wife club *as is every single one of my married (or divorced) male friends.*


seriously? all you friends have been cheated by their wives/XW? all?


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

*Re: Re: Is It Me Or Are The Vast Majority Of Posts Here Regarding...*



cuchulain36 said:


> The wives cheating on the husband? I know the stats say that men cheat more but judging by this site it looks like women cheat a lot more. It seems like it's 20:1 women:men cheating here. Is it just a small sample size or are women drastically out-cheating their male counterparts? I know I'm in the cheating wife club as is every single one of my married (or divorced) male friends.


.......I suppose ...women wanted equality .....and it appears they are doing their best to achieve it on all fronts.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cuchulain36 said:


> The wives cheating on the husband? I know the stats say that men cheat more but judging by this site it looks like women cheat a lot more. It seems like it's 20:1 women:men cheating here. Is it just a small sample size or are women drastically out-cheating their male counterparts?


TAM is a small sample size in which men self-select to stay more than women do.

We've talked the fact that there are more men here whose wives have cheated. And we pretty much agree it's because there is a strong male support here. Also men tend to not seek out support with family and friends. So this is a good place for them. Women tend to have stronger support systems in real life.



cuchulain36 said:


> I know I'm in the cheating wife club as is every single one of my married (or divorced) male friends.


Your real life friends are also a very small sample size.

In my friends and family very few women have cheated. The number of men who have are very high… like most of them. Again my life is a small sample size too.

The statistics say that married men and women cheat at a close rate with men cheating about 1-2 % points more.

It makes sense that the % of men/women cheating would be close. Who do you think they are cheating with? Mostly someone of the opposite sex.


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## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

manticore said:


> seriously? all you friends have been cheated by their wives/XW? all?


Good friends from childhood yes, but not every "friend" acquaintance I've found later in life. I have eight very close friends (three divorced) all have been cheated on by their wives, one was cheated on by his fiance three weeks from the wedding so technically that's not married.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

There's definitely a bigger/better support network for men here than for women - at least based on what I can see. I'm a member of a different forum dedicated to coping with the fallout caused by infidelity in marriage that is probably 90% betrayed wives. Just a different environment and "feel."


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

cuchulain36 said:


> Good friends from childhood yes, but not every "friend" acquaintance I've found later in life. I have eight very close friends (three divorced) all have been cheated on by their wives, one was cheated on by his fiance three weeks from the wedding so technically that's not married.


well counting you 9 is a lot in the same circle of friends I give you that.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Okey, I am going to be honest here, I really think that in first world countries where exists divorce laws that favors women (that like many laws in the world were created with the porpuse to help but now many use them to take adventage), women do cheat more than men (not by an ample margin).

but the numbers in all the world will be always inclined towards men cheating more as long as countries like Jordan, Iran, Irak exists where cheating for women means death.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

To me it seems much more prevalent these days that more woman cheat.

Times we live in.

When I look at the global media and the obsession with equality often of course justified it almost seems encouraged "You only live life once - have what YOU want" .....nomatter what it costs 

Must be all those "unmet needs"


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## ire8179 (Apr 19, 2014)

Yes in TAM is more ww then wh. I was actually a bit surprised when i checked out the forum for the first time. But in wordpress and blogspot, for every 20 betrayed wife blogs you'll only find 1 betrayed husband blog


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

I agree TAM isn't a large enough sample size to confirm or deny. In reality at least in my circle, I am seeing a lot more women committing infidelity than the reverse.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

manticore said:


> Okey, I am going to be honest here, I really think that in first world countries where exists divorce laws that favors women (that like many laws in the world were created with the porpuse to help but now many use them to take adventage), women do cheat more than men (not by an ample margin).


There are a lot of studies and have been done on this. Women cheat 1-2% less than men do in the USA.




manticore said:


> but the numbers in all the world will be always inclined towards men cheating more as long as countries like Jordan, Iran, Irak exists where cheating for women means death.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Headspin said:


> To me it seems much more prevalent these days that more woman cheat.
> 
> Times we live in.
> 
> ...


Who do you think the women are cheating with? Probably men, don't you think? so it stands to reason that the numbers would be pretty equal.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Who do you think the women are cheating with? Probably men, don't you think? so it stands to reason that the numbers would be pretty equal.


That makes sense, but I think that women have FAR more opportunities to cheat, more often, with more APs and for longer.

Supply and demand. Let's face it, you don't have to be a beauty queen to get a guy in the sack. A pulse and a poony will pretty much get ya sumpn, sumpn.

If your a guy, your options are more limited. All though, I have to say that many of the WW's(and WH's) we read about here traded down for some reason.

Men may be able to move mountains, but women can tell them where they want it moved to. "Put it there... No, no, over there... No no, back there again.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> There are a lot of studies and have been done on this. Women cheat 1-2% less than men do in the USA.


let say in USA both genders are cheating in equal amount (altough I have also read studies about women being better hiding affairs than men so that can easily cover a 2% margin or more), but other countries like France, England and Australia I sort of remember women having the lead.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Who do you think the women are cheating with? Probably men, don't you think? so it stands to reason that the numbers would be pretty equal.


well yes, but just because they cheat with men, that does not mean they cheat with married men, as example thinking in all the FWW here most cheated with single or divorced men, the 6 cases I remember her e were all with Single or Divorced men.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Who do you think the women are cheating with? Probably men, don't you think? so it stands to reason that the numbers would be pretty equal.


Who's arguing

It always seemed historical that it was much more men cheating but in my personal observations over the last 20 years I don't think so. Whether it's more woman is immaterial - it's certainly more than ever before

That seems to be pretty clear


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

There are several other sites, such as Surviving Infidelity, where there seem there seem to be more women than men.

Why?

IMO it is because there is a more hard-nosed, no nonsense, approach towards cheating and WS here than on those other sites.

I think that this attitude feels more comfortable to many men, while at the same time many women probably find it rather cold hearted and judgmental....IMO it is a factor of how males and females are taught and socialized differently during child-rearing and not primarily a function of biological differences between the sexes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

manticore said:


> let say in USA both genders are cheating in equal amount (altough I have also read studies about women being better hiding affairs than men so that can easily cover a 2% margin or more), but other countries like France, England and Australia I sort of remember women having the lead.


The numbers for who cheat comes from cheaters self reporting that they have cheated. So it would not matter if someone is hiding the cheating from their spouse. IT's what a person admits on an anonymous study/survey.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Headspin said:


> Who's arguing
> 
> It always seemed historical that it was much more men cheating but in my personal observations over the last 20 years I don't think so. Whether it's more woman is immaterial - it's certainly more than ever before
> 
> That seems to be pretty clear


Of course more married women cheat today.

In past generations, if a woman cheated she was thrown out in the street with nothing. She lost everything to include her children. 

Now her husband could cheat with impunity. IF he was rich he could even openly keep a mistress or two. He had no consequences.

Also in the past men cheated mostly with single women. There was even an entire strata of society that was geared towards providing men with women.. the prostitutes and underclass woman who were not marriage material... but made good cheating partners. This still exists to an extent but it's not acceptable for me to cheat as long as they keep it hush hush. After all their wives and just dump them now.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Elegirl,

Ironically, both of my grandmothers were serial cheaters during the 40s and 50s, and one of my great-grandmothers was during the 1920s and even abandoned her kids with her parents to go run around with multiple men.

It makes me wonder if the only real change today is that society is more open about acknowledging cheating wives, whereas the subject used to be quietly swept under the rug and kept hush-hush.

A similar attitude used to be prevalent with teen pregnancy.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Baa Humbug !

All woman are evil and all us men are wonderful


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

In my large group of friends, there have been multiple marriage ending infidelities and they have ALL been the wife cheating...except for my ex-best friend who banged my wife...when I found out, I told his wife and she divorced him..but he is THE only one, the rest are the wives

In my family, cousins included, same thing...there have been multiple infidelities, some ending in divorce, and in all of them...every single one, its the wife cheating

my sister cheated on my bro in law...they worked it out..she cheated again with same om, they are borderline separated and I think he is done...I dont talk to sister anymore


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Honestly, I think it's probably fairly equal but women get caught more often because they are far more likely to have long drawn out affairs because they want the passion and all that crap. Men just want the quick sex so they will hit it and quit it with ONS's which are MUCH harder to discover because there is little residual evidence after the fact.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I don't worry about the stats, 100% of my ex-wife cheated.

I think the genders cheat at roughly the same levels they have for a long time--a very long time.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> The numbers for who cheat comes from cheaters self reporting that they have cheated. So it would not matter if someone is hiding the cheating from their spouse. IT's what a person admits on an anonymous study/survey.


You are right ERGO, someone who is better hiding affairs will not answer honestly even at an anonynous sutdy/survey (just no evidence at all)


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I know of several marriages that ended because the wife was cheating. I know of many, many, more seemingly-happy and lasting marriages where the husband has been serially cheating for years without ever getting caught. So, from that perspective, it would be true that in my circle more marriages end because the wife cheats than because the husband cheats. But that does not mean more women are cheating than men. The guys aren't keeping it in their pants, either. They're just mostly keeping it _out of town_, and have never gotten busted.

I figure in the population at large, men and women cheat at about equal rates.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I'll add that women may be less likely to investigate suspiscions or confront, especially if they are stay at home or dramatically underemployed in order to spend more time at home. They are caught between the preverbial rock and hard place, if they confront what happens if the H decides to leave? 

Sure, we may say she will recover and be better off in the long run. But she still needs to take that leap and face the future of raising the kids with whatever child support and working her tail off outside of the home to pay bills. Add to that the fact most BS try to give the benifit of the doubt to thier cheaters. I know I did. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who suspect thier H have cheated, but lack the motivation to follow thier hunch (because, what if they are right?).


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Acoa said:


> I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who suspect thier H have cheated, but lack the motivation to follow thier hunch (because, what if they are right?).


Excellent point. Then they would be forced to act and they would rather not know. I know of a female coworker with this exact mentality. She has a fairly strong suspicion but lacks the will to follow through and confirm it. Ignorance is bliss for some people it seems.....


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

IMO - this site offers better advice for men who have been cheated on, maybe other sites cater to women more. When I thought my W was cheating I "shopped around" for sites to subscribe to and landed here for that reason. SI seemed to be all about the BW. LS didn't appeal to me and was more for the BW, at least that is how I saw it.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I'll add that women may be less likely to investigate suspiscions or confront, especially if they are stay at home or dramatically underemployed in order to spend more time at home. They are caught between the preverbial rock and hard place, if they confront what happens if the H decides to leave?"

Acoa,

That's an excellent point.

I find it odd though that the same fear because of their vulnerable financial situation does not seem to carry over into a far smaller likelihood of cheating.

Threads here on TAM and other sites I have visited are jam packed with stories of WW's who are stay at home moms/partners.

It seems ironic that SAHM BW are more fearful to investigate/confront but SAHM WW seem to be very plentiful.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3putt said:


> Probably because women usually have a bigger support network IRL than men do. You know....ego and all. You ladies can talk about this stuff more freely amongst yourselves than we can. Right or wrong, it's just the way it is.
> 
> I wouldn't use the numbers here as a barometer for comparison. I would imagine the numbers are quite even.


That's a good point. I told nobody about my wife's affair. Nobody at all.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

cuchulain36 said:


> The wives cheating on the husband? I know the stats say that men cheat more


How could men cheat more? They have to cheat with a woman, after all. It takes two to tango. 

The only way men could cheat more is if there was a huge amount of gay men cheating with other men. But many women cheat with other women too. Maybe society looks at MM sex more like cheating, and FF sex as more experimental or acceptable? In any case, if the husband is gay, there's not much point in saving the marriage anyway.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

Men are somewhat more likely to cheat with unmarried people than women are because men most often cheat with a younger affair partner (many of whom are in their 20's or - ick - teens). Or a prostitute. So the women with whom they are cheating are not necessarily cheating also. 

It's less likely to be true that women are cheating with younger affair partners, so it's less likely to be true that women are cheating with unmarried men - so the men THEY are cheating with are much more likely to be cheating also.

I'm surprised at this notion that men and women cheat in equal numbers. Shirley Glass' data may be 10 years old, but I find it hard to believe that the gap completely closed in 10 years - she stated in NOT Just Friends: "After reviewing twenty-five studies... I concluded that 25 percent of wives and 44 percent of husbands have had extramarital intercourse." 

As for the male majority here, CWI is pretty in-your-face, no holds barred. That works for most guys, but a lot of women may find it a little rough. Even female BS's, who one might think are only welcomed here, are not necessarily able to cope with the intensity. They're reeling, and sometimes the forcefulness of the opinions comes across more than the understanding. Women are usually looking for support and understanding first; ideas and suggestions are wanted but secondary.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

In my first hand experience, that is, couples that I actually know, women have been the cheaters a sizable majority of the time. In my close circle, I counted 11 instances of known adultery. 8 of those times it was the wife. Most of these wives were, in my opinion, well treated, but always pushing like crazy for more. They cheated mostly with married men. All the men cheated with single women, so that's a strange mathematical point to ponder.

Who knows if these studies, anecdotes we've always heard are accurate? Sure hasn't been the case in "real life" observations I've had.

When I look back over my lifetime, the family dynamic has changed considerably. Much less stable in the home.


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

During my lifetime I have Known of three other cheater besides my wife and they were women. Maybe the men were better at hiding it I don't know.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

hopefulgirl said:


> Men are somewhat more likely to cheat with unmarried people than women are because men most often cheat with a younger affair partner (many of whom are in their 20's or - ick - teens). Or a prostitute. So the women with whom they are cheating are not necessarily cheating also.


Well, I consider affair partners to be "cheaters" also. Unless they truly don't know the other person is married, which doesn't happen often. Usually they know or find out later.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

missthelove2013 said:


> In my large group of friends, there have been multiple marriage ending infidelities and they have ALL been the wife cheating...except for my ex-best friend who banged my wife...when I found out, I told his wife and she divorced him..but he is THE only one, the rest are the wives
> 
> In my family, cousins included, same thing...there have been multiple infidelities, some ending in divorce, and in all of them...every single one, its the wife cheating
> 
> my sister cheated on my bro in law...they worked it out..she cheated again with same om, they are borderline separated and I think he is done...I dont talk to sister anymore


Similar experience for me as well. 4 sisters, 4 divorces, first 3 ended because of cheating, one cheating BIL, two cheating sisters. 4th sister D was not about cheating, but was no secret that she ran around on BIL during the marriage.

One of the issues that brought me to TAM in the first place.

In my extended circle of friends however, there actually have not been many divorces, but of the 3 that come to mind, it was two cheating H's and 1 cheating W.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

In all the cases of adultery I have known about (most of which were people I knew but would not consider to be friends) it has been about 50/50 on the gender of the WS.

In my family, and there has been A LOT of it over several generations, it has been almost exclusively (with two exceptions) women.

Amongst people I considered friends, I have known 2 BWs and 5 BHs.

I often have wondered about this (admittedly) anecdotal sample.

It seems to me I usually only hear about WWs when there is a much closer personal bond or connection.

Most of the casual acquaintances I've learned about who have been cheaters have been guys. 

It seems to me that women's affairs seem to be kept far more hush-hush than men's...they are probably more careful about concealing it I guess.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Forest said:


> In my first hand experience, that is, couples that I actually know, women have been the cheaters a sizable majority of the time. In my close circle, I counted 11 instances of known adultery. 8 of those times it was the wife. Most of these wives were, in my opinion, well treated, but always pushing like crazy for more. They cheated mostly with married men. All the men cheated with single women, so that's a strange mathematical point to ponder.
> 
> Who knows if these studies, anecdotes we've always heard are accurate? Sure hasn't been the case in "real life" observations I've had.
> 
> When I look back over my lifetime, the family dynamic has changed considerably. Much less stable in the home.


feed my curiosity, of those 8 marriages where the women cheated, how many ramain married after the fact?.


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## Singleton (May 30, 2013)

I tried to find an explanation for why women cheat little less. I speculate it is because of pregnancy and childbirth  That would lead to man cheating more in the same period.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Why are so many married women having affairs? - Telegraph


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I would imagine a fair few single women who believe that they have "nothing to lose" might hook up with a married man. or single women who have bought into the belief that "all the good ones are taken" so they ignore the stigma of dating a married man.

Men think women could have sex as often as they like, which might be true, but to get it served up the way we like it is a different story. (I was single before I got hitched)

Granted, I have read the stories on here where men have discovered that their WWs are having sex in the parking lots or doing 3somes for their lovers. I agree, that that is a lot to take in.

What I would like to know, is there a common thread? Are they narcissistic, BPD, were there red flags before they got hitched that seem similar across cases.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In this day and age of rampant social media, I really feel that it prohibitively favors a female's infidelity over that of her male counterpart primarily because it seemingly makes the discovery of such just that much more difficult.

And the discovery of such is usually predicated only by either sheer negligence on the female's part or even quite possibly by them intentionally laying down clues actually wanting to "be found out," greatly speeding up the demise of the relationship!*


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *In this day and age of rampant social media, I really feel that it prohibitively favors a female's infidelity over that of her male counterpart primarily because it seemingly makes the discovery of such just that much more difficult.
> 
> And the discovery of such is usually predicated only by either sheer negligence on the female's part or even quite possibly by them intentionally laying down clues actually wanting to "be found out," greatly speeding up the demise of the relationship!*



I think women who are fooling around with married or otherwise "engaged" men will certainly put it out there that they are dating that person. My fiance's EA put only entry on his FB wall during the 6 months they became FB friends and before she knew about me. Then she stepped up her activity on his wall during the time he was multidating. Her activity was less often after my fiance came clean and she said she had bf. However, her "likes" correctly led me to believe that he and she saw each other after that. 

I finally raised the issue directly with him and he put an end to it.

One piece of advice I like a lot is: "Never fool around with anyone who has less to lose than you do."


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

My opinion on the matter is that (here we go...) the last stage of the feminist movement and societies views on men in general have created a modern "MAN" that has been moulded to meet the needs of women.
The only problem is women aren't actually attracted to that Beta male who strive to meet every need of their woman.
Ergo, divorce rates increase.
In MY opinion, these same Beta males don't have the guts or the mindset to cheat on women because they are so focussed on seeking approval from said women.
I think this is a problem for ALL of society. Women need to let men be men, and men need to be aware of the problem and ensure it doesn't happen to other men in their lives.

We have seen the power of the feminist movement in shifting societal perceptions, it's about time men had a movement.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

hopefulgirl said:


> Men are somewhat more likely to cheat with unmarried people than women are because men most often cheat with a younger affair partner (many of whom are in their 20's or - ick - teens). Or a prostitute. So the women with whom they are cheating are not necessarily cheating also.
> 
> It's less likely to be true that women are cheating with younger affair partners, so it's less likely to be true that women are cheating with unmarried men - so the men THEY are cheating with are much more likely to be cheating also.
> 
> ...


It depends on your definition of cheating. Studies that exclude singles that have sex with married people as cheating are wrong in my opinion. If a person has sex with another person that's in a committed relationship they are a cheater too. In that case cheating would be equal between the sexes. Otherwise, if men cheated more than women, women that do cheat would have to be servicing a lot more men and having multiple affair partners to keep up with demand.

Ten year old data is very outdated as the internet has led to an explosion in adultery.

Researchers say that men overstate their adultery and women understate their adutery in studies even though they are annonymous.

The owner of AM says that women out number men on their cheaters website in Australia, the only country that is true. He feels that is due to Australia being the most "progressive" western nation. That is supposed to tell us where things are headed here.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

poida said:


> My opinion on the matter is that (here we go...) the last stage of the feminist movement and societies views on men in general have created a modern "MAN" that has been moulded to meet the needs of women.
> The only problem is women aren't actually attracted to that Beta male who strive to meet every need of their woman.
> Ergo, divorce rates increase.
> In MY opinion, these same Beta males don't have the guts or the mindset to cheat on women because they are so focussed on seeking approval from said women.
> ...



I was hoping someone would bring this up in an intelligent way. When boys are suspended from school for playing army, taught from birth to accept any goofy thing society throws at them, and play video games rather than work, how can you expect much from them?

And who was it that thought all this was a good idea?

Shoot, there are dozens of books out there now telling men how to act like men. Gotta learn it from a book.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> It depends on your definition of cheating. Studies that exclude singles that have sex with married people as cheating are wrong in my opinion. If a person has sex with another person that's in a committed relationship they are a cheater too. In that case cheating would be equal between the sexes.


I haven't been present at any of these transactions, but my guess is that most prostitutes don't ask about (therefore they don't know) the marital status of their customers. Even if there's a wedding ring on - many widowers wear their wedding rings, so while it's a strong clue, it's not definitive proof of being married. So prostitutes should be considered "cheaters" too?

Same thing with lap dances and massages with happy endings. The unmarried strippers and massage parlor girls - all now included in the category of "cheaters," even if they don't know the marital status of their customers?

And the unmarried drunk girls in bars who get picked up by men on business trips (men who often do remove THEIR wedding rings...). They have a ONS, and have no idea the guy is married. (I know, this sounds like a farfetched scenario - a really, really rare occurrence, right? Yeah, RIGHT!). These girls are "cheaters" too?

Yep, LOTS of "cheating" women that don't get added into the statistics!!


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

My view as to why many more WWs than WHs on this site? Besides the fact that this site does offer more support to BHs, I would say:


1. Women are much more visible in the public/work environment than in the past. The more you are out, the more opportunities there are for becoming attracted to someone else.
2. The chances for women to cheat have gone way up. Anyone woman who feels the temptation can act on it much more easily than in the past.
3. (from 2.) Women can attract an illicit partner much easier than a man can in general, unless that man is either really handsome and charming, rich and famous or both. A woman can go to a bar and get bedded pretty easily if she's at all attractive, and even if she's not. If she's looking for an affair, she's much more likely to find a man who's interested.
4. Marriage isn't the end-all anymore and divorce is much easier than it was before. The idea of throwing your marriage in the toilet because your husband ain't worth the trouble (in your eyes), or isn't giving you what you want/need/expect, even if you don't actually follow through with it, is much easier to entertain.

I'm not making any value-judgments here, just trying to identify a few facts.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

hopefulgirl said:


> I haven't been present at any of these transactions, but my guess is that most prostitutes don't ask about (therefore they don't know) the marital status of their customers. Even if there's a wedding ring on - many widowers wear their wedding rings, so while it's a strong clue, it's not definitive proof of being married. So prostitutes should be considered "cheaters" too?


Absolutely! Prostitutes don't know everyone's situation, but they already know odd are that many (if not most) of their customers are married. I know there are some high-end prostitutes who entertain a very select and limited clientele. I suppose they would be the exception, if they don't mess with married people. 



> _Same thing with lap dances and massages with happy endings. The unmarried strippers and massage parlor girls - all now included in the category of "cheaters," even if they don't know the marital status of their customers?_


You are lumping in two TOTALLY different things here. Strippers don't sleep with their customers. Stripping or doing lap dances is entertainment, not sex. So no, they are not cheaters, unless they are prostituting themselves on the side.

Massage girls with "happy endings" are really just a type of prostitute, you can think of that as "prostitution lite". 



> _And the unmarried drunk girls in bars who get picked up by men on business trips (men who often do remove THEIR wedding rings...). They have a ONS, and have no idea the guy is married. (I know, this sounds like a farfetched scenario - a really, really rare occurrence, right? Yeah, RIGHT!). These girls are "cheaters" too?_


If they genuinely don't know, then they can't be considered cheaters. I'm assuming most of them know, and don't care. Some of them prefer married men. 



> _Yep, LOTS of "cheating" women that don't get added into the statistics!!_


Yes, that's exactly the point I was trying to make earlier.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

I think reasons people cheat or outcome is different. Men cheat for the thrill and want to keep status quo at home. When women cheat - they are usually done. Exit affair. Just a generalization
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Not 20 minutes ago I wrapped up a conversation with the gentleman that came to my home to service the furnace. 
He mentioned that the furnace looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a very long time. I cited that was very likely given the previous occupant never had it cleaned.

That segued into the previous occupant being my ex-wife ... and then it turned into a 40 minute conversation about divorce ... and women.

Must admit that I literally laughed out loud at his analogy. I indicated that my ex and I had in the scheme of things, an amicable divorce and maintain a pretty good relationship. He said that was what his wife claimed she wanted as well. They were scheduled for mediation, and then she went to attorney, that's when his analogy kicked in:
"The moment they talk to a lawyer it's like they become zombies, and they want to eat your heart. Only option you have to deal with them is to put them down." He said it in a good humored way, and we both laughed. 
He had celiac disease. His son was showing signs, and informed his wife he planned on taking the child to a specialist. She filed an injunction to have his guardianship removed. Cost him 30K to simply take his son to a specialist, who in turn confirmed that the child has the disease. Which means a special diet ... which the ex-wife doesn't want to conform to or deal with, consequently the child continues to be sick.
"She'd rather fight me, then do what's right for her child." he said shaking his head.

Onto being in line with the thread, indicated that in the two years following their having children she became more detached and more depressed. He put her through dental school ... then she had an affair.

My ex had an affair.

I know of no fewer than 11 other cases where wife cheated on husband (I'm talking personally, not TAM related)

I know of 5 where husband cheated on wife.

He cited 14 friends and acquaintances where the female was the adulterer. Two where the man killed himself after the discovery. 

Here is what I know about the differences between men and women and their capacity, for deceit and cruelty;

There isn't any.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

This pretty young thing seems to have gotten herself into a bunch of trouble with her cheating ways.

Is it me, or does the chump she cheated with look like a dumbshlt?

https://gma.yahoo.com/missing-marin...-neighbor-160629385--abc-news-topstories.html


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Ripper said:


> I agree TAM isn't a large enough sample size to confirm or deny. In reality at least in my circle, I am seeing a lot more women committing infidelity than the reverse.


it is a biased sample... not valid


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Deejo said:


> My ex had an affair.
> 
> I know of no fewer than 11 other cases where wife cheated on husband (I'm talking personally, not TAM related)
> 
> ...


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

poida said:


> My opinion on the matter is that (here we go...) the last stage of the feminist movement and societies views on men in general have created a modern "MAN" that has been moulded to meet the needs of women.
> The only problem is women aren't actually attracted to that Beta male who strive to meet every need of their woman.
> Ergo, divorce rates increase.
> In MY opinion, these same Beta males don't have the guts or the mindset to cheat on women because they are so focussed on seeking approval from said women.


It's called 'Domestication'....

But then still dreaming about Brad Pitt....

Who understands a woman understands the universe.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

It seems that in this day and age women are much more empowered to cheat. Men who cheat are dirtbags, whereas a woman who cheats is empowering herself, deservedly fulfilling her "unmet needs", etc. I also get the feeling women encourage _each other_ to cheat a lot more now. "You go girl, you deserve it!". There are a lot more SAHD than there used to be as well, with the woman going out into the workforce and encountering opportunities to cheat while their beta husbands stay home and clean the house and change the diapers.

In regards to actual stats, I don't know. You can't trust any of them. People throw out stats and claim they are scientifically accurate like crazy.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Healer said:


> In regards to actual stats, I don't know. You can't trust any of them. People throw out stats and claim they are scientifically accurate like crazy.


Scientifically accurate stats can be very wrong, giving the wrong impression. Science has it's limitations. It's the truth until the next stat is compiled.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Men cheat way more, but women may be catching up!!


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

*Re: Re: Is It Me Or Are The Vast Majority Of Posts Here Regarding...*



OhGeesh said:


> Men cheat way more, but women may be catching up!!


....with whom are all these men that are swaying the statistics ....cheating with? All single & unattached women?


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

3putt said:


> Probably because women usually have a bigger support network IRL than men do. You know....ego and all. You ladies can talk about this stuff more freely amongst yourselves than we can. Right or wrong, it's just the way it is.
> 
> I wouldn't use the numbers here as a barometer for comparison. I would imagine the numbers are quite even.


This is not true at all. In fact I have friends that I go out with and I know for sure if I ever cheated they wouldnt talk to me. That is a huge generalization that is not fair and does not pertain to everyone.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Healer said:


> It seems that in this day and age women are much more empowered to cheat. Men who cheat are dirtbags, whereas a woman who cheats is empowering herself, deservedly fulfilling her "unmet needs", etc. I also get the feeling women encourage _each other_ to cheat a lot more now. "You go girl, you deserve it!". There are a lot more SAHD than there used to be as well, with the woman going out into the workforce and encountering opportunities to cheat while their beta husbands stay home and clean the house and change the diapers.
> 
> In regards to actual stats, I don't know. You can't trust any of them. People throw out stats and claim they are scientifically accurate like crazy.


HMMM,

I get what you are saying, but that is not true at all. You can flip the same argument and say well men get to have sex and have as many wives as possible and do whatever they want in fact it's expected from them. Whereas if a woman does it she is a home wrecker. 

You can't just say that because it is not true. Is it happening yes sure no denying that at all. There are a lot of a factors involved that you are not looking at. Men cheat and women cheat that is the bottom line. No one is encoraging women to cheat that is a bald face lie. And if they fall prey to that that is on them another pet peeve I have is how this notion that women are encouraged to cheat that they are this petiful harmed deer into head lights situation. Spare me. You are a adult he is a adult you get caught tough s***.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

Hurtin_Still said:


> ....with whom are all these men that are swaying the statistics ....cheating with? All single & unattached women?


Why do you guys keep forgetting the poor prostitutes? :scratchhead:

I hear they do a brisk business.

They're not usually married. That makes them "single." (As for "unattached," their pimps might argue the point.) 

Yes, unmarried guys purchase their services, too, but I don't think they account for the overwhelming majority of the customer base. That means a lot of married men are having sex with unmarried prostitutes who are not "cheaters" (no, they're hookers) but the married men these women have sex with are.

And most men have affairs with younger women, so a lot of the women are even young enough not to have been married yet. So the barely legals and early twenty-somethings are usually single too. Do married men actually hit on those sweet young things? Hard to believe, isn't it. So the married men are cheating, but the girls are not.

As for the reverse - women hardly ever pay for sex, and seldom have affairs with much younger men who are less likely to be married. 

That'll sway your statistics.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

krismimo said:


> HMMM,
> 
> I get what you are saying, but that is not true at all. You can flip the same argument and say well men get to have sex and have as many wives as possible and do whatever they want in fact it's expected from them. Whereas if a woman does it she is a home wrecker.
> 
> You can't just say that because it is not true. Is it happening yes sure no denying that at all. There are a lot of a factors involved that you are not looking at. Men cheat and women cheat that is the bottom line. No one is encoraging women to cheat that is a bald face lie. And if they fall prey to that that is on them another pet peeve I have is how this notion that women are encouraged to cheat that they are this petiful harmed deer into head lights situation. Spare me. You are a adult he is a adult you get caught tough s***.


No, it's not a bald faced lie. I've witnessed it on several occasions, first hand. And I never said that it takes away accountability from the cheater.

It's a fact - there are more women in the workforce now than ever before. And where do a huge amount of affairs get their start? In the workplace.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I said that in a earlier post that most affairs start in the work place...


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Men cheat way more, but women may be catching up!!


Yep that's cleared that up then !


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> There are a lot of studies and have been done on this. Women cheat 1-2% less than men do in the USA.


Do you have the numbers for college educated women earning more than or equal to their partner? It seems confidence and economic power bring entitlement out of the shadows for both men and women.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

poida said:


> My opinion on the matter is that (here we go...) the last stage of the feminist movement and societies views on men in general have created a modern "MAN" that has been moulded to meet the needs of women.
> The only problem is women aren't actually attracted to that Beta male who strive to meet every need of their woman.
> Ergo, divorce rates increase.
> In MY opinion, these same Beta males don't have the guts or the mindset to cheat on women because they are so focussed on seeking approval from said women.
> ...


+ 10
:allhail:


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Woman cheat just as much as men the only difference is men are more likely to get caught for various reasons


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## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

After reading a bit more on this site I would like to revise my original numbers to 200:1 women:men cheating. It's really amazing it seems like an epidemic, and the remaining posts seem to be women who want to leave their husbands for one reason or another or would like to start an affair.

Good grief I feel bad for my two sons, they have a pretty sad future in store with the way things are devolving. I really hope neither ever get married.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Agree. The stats say one thing, but the wreckage is all around me.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Ripper said:


> Agree. The stats say one thing, but the wreckage is all around me.


“Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.”


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Remember the rule of three.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

cuchulain36 said:


> After reading a bit more on this site I would like to revise my original numbers to 200:1 women:men cheating. It's really amazing it seems like an epidemic, and the remaining posts seem to be women who want to leave their husbands for one reason or another or would like to start an affair.
> 
> Good grief I feel bad for my two sons, they have a pretty sad future in store with the way things are devolving. I really hope neither ever get married.


I think it is not about marriage. Here in Europe most people live together before eventually getting married, but they have the same problems. In my eyes marriage could even have less problems, but they are just more visible in the statistics.

My neighbours' son lived for two years with his beautiful long time girlfriend, who left him a week ago. He will be living with his elders soon. No marriage, but even so a drama.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cuchulain36 said:


> After reading a bit more on this site I would like to revise my original numbers to 200:1 women:men cheating. It's really amazing it seems like an epidemic, and the remaining posts seem to be women who want to leave their husbands for one reason or another or would like to start an affair.
> 
> Good grief I feel bad for my two sons, they have a pretty sad future in store with the way things are devolving. I really hope neither ever get married.


This site, TAM, is skewed towards men as more men self-select to post here. The support for men is strong on TAM.

There are other sites on which more women post as women self select for those sites.

Also, women tend to have stronger support systems in real life so women seem to be less likely to use the internet as their first line of support.

One site on the internet does not reflect what is going on in all of society.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

poida said:


> My opinion on the matter is that (here we go...) the last stage of the feminist movement and societies views on men in general have created a modern "MAN" that has been moulded to meet the needs of women.
> 
> The only problem is women aren't actually attracted to that Beta male who strive to meet every need of their woman.
> 
> ...



You were just born to live in the wrong time. Set your way back time machine to 1940 or 1950.


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