# One thing post divorce has taught me



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

That I made a very bad decision marrying my 1st wife. Just going on 3 dates has shown me there are wayyyyy better women out in this world than that POS that left me 8 months ago.

Prime Example: I took a good girl out for a dinner. We decided to go to the movies, but didn't know what was playing. Well we looked on the wall and she told me did I want to see the new Die Hard movie. I looked at her and said are you serious? I said you like action movies? She said heck yes in a way...They are entertaining. 

Never in a million years would my ex-wife go see a movie that i liked with me at the theaters. Never. She hated actions movies and always left the room when i was watching one on TV.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You never know - my ex would ONLY watch action (which I like, too) and wouldn't go see comedy or romance. 

I find out a couple years ago he took kiddo to see a PG13 romantic comedy. Why now? All I can figure is that he's willing to do something for her he wasn't willing to do for me. *shrug* She's more important to him than I was. Good riddance.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Prime Example: I took a good girl out for a dinner. We decided to go to the movies, but didn't know what was playing. Well we looked on the wall and she told me did I want to see the new Die Hard movie. I looked at her and said are you serious? I said you like action movies? She said heck yes in a way...They are entertaining.


While I agree that this would be fun, keep in mind that people try to put their best foot forward during dating. There are many manipulative women that will do what they need to do to get what they want. Just be aware.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Don't even ask me to go to a chick flick.  I hate interpersonal relationship melodramatic romantic anything. _The Expendables 2_ is my idea of the perfect movie. Then lets go out for some beer and buffalo wings afterwards. Oh yeah! :smthumbup:

If we do this after an all day hike or kayaking then it's totally :smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup:



legiox said:


> I said you like action movies? She said heck yes in a way...They are entertaining.


Hmmm..that's a red flag there.."In a way..They are 'entertaining'". I'm wondering how enthusiastic she was or if she REALLY meant it. Because as was said in the prior post a lot of people put on a good show while dating and become something else entirely once you are "hooked". This happened to a very good friend of mine. While in "girlfriend mode" his wife loved EVERYTHIHNG he did, she agreed with EVERYTHING he said and then..they got married and it all changed. I warned him. Oh well.  

When I meet someone I don't try and be anything or anyone but myself and if you don't like it then I'd rather know sooner than later. In fact, as soon as someone LOOKS at me they will know, trust me on that. 

Better sooner than later I figure. I guess that's why no one asks me on dates. :rofl:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Dedicated2Her said:


> While I agree that this would be fun, keep in mind that people try to put their best foot forward during dating. There are many manipulative women that will do what they need to do to get what they want. Just be aware.


I'd agree with this... At one point, you probably thought your wife was the best thing since sliced bread.

Having said that, I can say that the woman I've been seeing for the last two years post separation is very much my cup of tea. 

C


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Dedicated2Her said:


> While I agree that this would be fun, keep in mind that people try to put their best foot forward during dating. There are many manipulative women that will do what they need to do to get what they want. Just be aware.


And there are many manipulative men that will do and say what they think you want to hear to get what they want.

Which means we all have to have our radars on and well tuned.


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## rose petal (Feb 1, 2013)

I personally prefer action flicks to sappy romance movies. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy romance movies on occasion, but most of them seem so unrealistic that it's rather annoying to watch sometimes.


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## jlc29316 (Feb 28, 2013)

I remember my future ex-wife doing the same thing...the sex was awesome, and she was perfect in every way, till I knew her.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Holland said:


> And there are many manipulative men that will do and say what they think you want to hear to get what they want.
> 
> Which means we all have to have our radars on and well tuned.


I guess the stereotype would be that women play the phony til a man puts a ring on their finger. 

Men do it until they get a woman into their bed.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I guess the stereotype would be that women play the phony til a man puts a ring on their finger.
> 
> Men do it until they get a woman into their bed.


I think you are correct. 

The problem is the woman's goal is 'one and done'. The man spends the rest of his life trying to please his woman so that she will have sex.


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## MoonWatchman (Mar 7, 2013)

I'm blessed to be married quite a few years. Although it was not very enjoyable, I've gone to the gun range with my husband and learned to shoot, only because I knew how much he loved it. He knew it was not my thing, but it showed him that I wanted to be with him and cared. He was thrilled! He's also gone shopping with me many times for the same reason, and watched sappy romances, because he knew I wanted to be with him and share such things. The act communicates a lot of love, and is well worth "enduring the events" to accomplish that, in my opinion. Neither of us demand these acts on a regular basis, but they're always appreciated when we take the time to do them for each other. 

Sorry you didn't find this with your 1st wife, friend. Hopefully you can get a good feel for the next woman in your life, whether her motivation is sincere or not.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> I think you are correct.
> 
> The problem is the woman's goal is 'one and done'. The man spends the rest of his life trying to please his woman so that she will have sex.


:lol: :rofl: Only if he's stupid enough to marry someone like that.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

legiox said:


> That I made a very bad decision marrying my 1st wife. Just going on 3 dates has shown me there are wayyyyy better women out in this world than that POS that left me 8 months ago.
> 
> Prime Example: I took a good girl out for a dinner. We decided to go to the movies, but didn't know what was playing. Well we looked on the wall and she told me did I want to see the new Die Hard movie. I looked at her and said are you serious? I said you like action movies? She said heck yes in a way...They are entertaining.
> 
> Never in a million years would my ex-wife go see a movie that i liked with me at the theaters. Never. She hated actions movies and always left the room when i was watching one on TV.


My first girlfriend post wife taught me, I don't have to be intimidated by beautiful girls that I think I can't get...Cause I can infact get one!! My ex never intimidated me...


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

I think the biggest thing I've learned in regards to "the radar" is to watch how they interact with their friends and their other relationships. Are they healthy relationships? Is the person you are dating a giver or a taker? Are their relationships long lasting? You can really watch those and see how genuine the person you are seeing truly is.

Of course, physical intimacy will "muddle' things up. You will tend to overlook things because of the physical connection. Personally, I don't mind the "muddling". I didn't do all this work in the last couple of years of my marriage and the past year of singleness for nothing!!!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Join the club!

Hy my name is Nsweet, and I'm a Crazy-Holic. 

I'm the idiot that married a woman he met on the internet after knowing her for only a week in person. And I nearly f*cked up my top secret clearance in the Navy after doing so. But I thought she was something special.... AT FIRST. As soon as I put a ring on her finger she tore her mask off and turned into this professional victim and waif that made me feel guilty for every little problem she had. 

Seriously, I've never seen anybody create tears on command so quickly and then act like nothing happened a minute later, and then tear me to ribbons over nothing a split second later for being genuinely happy. Even though I cooked, I cleaned, I worked exhausting hours, and still saved enough energy to bang her well into the night two or three times a week and give her oral every morning, she cheated on me three weeks after I left the Navy for her and divorced me for some emo pothead who would enable her. That woman will never be happy with a stable loving relationship.

Anyways, flash forward almost a year after divorce and I find myself awakened from the Matrix and entering back into a world where I can see the digital coding. I spent nearly two years studying so I could intrepret the coding underneath the lovely image. What surprises me is that once you can see through the crazies they try to destroy you like Mr. Smith for not giving into the toxic bullsh!t. And the genuinely sweet and kind women come out of nowhere to talk to you when you ratiate that vibe. I don't know about the rest of you but it was so strage to have women treat me nicely and not have to worry about letting my guard down.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Dedicated2Her said:


> *I think the biggest thing I've learned in regards to "the radar" is to watch how they interact with their friends and their other relationships. Are they healthy relationships? Is the person you are dating a giver or a taker? Are their relationships long lasting? You can really watch those and see how genuine the person you are seeing truly is.*
> 
> Of course, physical intimacy will "muddle' things up. You will tend to overlook things because of the physical connection. Personally, I don't mind the "muddling". I didn't do all this work in the last couple of years of my marriage and the past year of singleness for nothing!!!



I totally agree with this. Observation of a persons friendships and relationships with family tells a big story. Also their work record, it doesn't matter what they do but do they do it with conviction and pride?


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Also their work record, it doesn't matter what they do but do they do it with conviction and pride?


Exactly. Also, what is their view on life. Is it positive? When they speak about others and situations positive or negative, do they talk about it from a place of gratitude?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Dedicated2Her said:


> Exactly. Also, what is their view on life. Is it positive? When they speak about others and situations positive or negative, do they talk about it from a place of gratitude?


Yes another thing that helps to build a "picture" of who the person really is. All of us are capable of putting on a good show for the first little while but a persons true core will show through eventually. It is so important to really find out who someone is at their core.

This is not just to see what sort of person they are but also to see if they are the right person for you. 

A LTR and divorce has taught me what sort of man is the right man for me, the type of man that I will be able to live a happy life with.

SO has many similarities to my ex, good man, hard worker, reliable, caring, good father, good morals etc. These things are all important to me. What I learnt though from my marriage is the other things that I need, a man that I can communicate with, a man that shares a compatible sex drive, that is a strong man but also a romantic one. 
I feel blessed to have found him 

But yes my radar was well tuned, I spent a lot of time learning more about myself, where I went wrong in the marriage and how to do better next time. I have found a good balance of high but realistic expectations for myself and my partner but also that we are simple humans with human failings at times.

So many times there are posts here of people getting into second marriages way too soon. It takes time to really get to know someone and firstly you have to know who you are and what really happened in the previous marriage/divorce.

In rave mode today, just feeling the love


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