# Would you limit parental visitation for social distancing?



## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

This thought is causing me some anxiety so I am just going to throw it out here to get some feedback. 

I am nervous about my kids going to their dad’s for visitation. They are there two nights a week. As things get worse in our state I feel like sending them there is doing the opposite of what social distancing is supposed to do. I am working from home everyday, only going out to buy groceries and the pharmacy. No visits with friends or playing hoop with the boys. And then two nights a week they are sleeping in the living room of a small two bedroom apartment with three adults that have high exposure to the general public every day for work. None of them are in healthcare workers on the front lines of this. 

I worry about my kids health. I worry about my own health since I have respiratory issues. Then I worry about their mental health. My oldest has autism and is a senior in high school. She is already overwhelmed with the idea of no prom, no graduation - taking away seeing her dad might crush her. 

Then I try to flip it and think that if I had job that I couldn’t work from home that requires being exposed to lots of people everyday, like a nurse or even a supermarket manager, I would be super pissed if my XH tried to limit MY time with the kids. 

There is so much unknown that I don’t know if this is just an issue rooted in my anxiety or something real I should be momma bear about. I think my XH would be okay with a temporary stop to having them, I just don’t know if the kids would be okay with it, especially my girl. 

Thoughts?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Can you even do that legally?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you talked to him about this?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I feel for you. My daughter is in a similar situation with her kids and ex.

The world is a very scary place right now.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I've seen a LOT of posts on social media about this. All I can say to anyone considering it without a damn good reason, is shame on you.

Some people will use any excuse to withhold their children from the other parent, and this virus is bringing out all the high conflict parents in droves.

There's no excuse, at this stage, barring genuine high risk, or if the kids are going to a parents home who is in quarantine, for withholding the children from the other parent.

Also, another topic altogether, am I the only one who finds the term 'visitation' in regards to a non custodial parent offensive? I realise it's a legal thing, but how offensive, mum is still mum and dad is still dad. Not a visitor.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You're not alone in that worry and it isn't something that you should feel bad about. These are scary and emotional times. It is something I asked my lawyer about, and he said that he's had plenty of frantic calls from other parents asking the same thing.

Legally you still have to follow the custody order unless it states otherwise (and most aren't going to have a pandemic clause, _yet_). Somewhere in the custody order it may even mention that the schedule stays the same during school closures. So really, it may not matter one iota what you want or what would make you feel better. Sucks, but that's the reality of the situation. If you think your XH would be okay with temporarily stopping visits, ask him first before talking to the kids about it. If he tells you "no", then that is your answer. From there, all you can do is educate your children and try to get on the same page with your XH regarding safety, transparency, etc.

If your kids are going to keep seeing their father (and even if they aren't), make sure THEY understand the virus and what precautions they need to be taking. They can stand up for themselves and maybe if they tell their dad that something he's doing isn't okay, remind him to wash his hands properly, etc. it may help somewhat. 

Something to think about is, what would you do if you were married to a healthcare or necessary worker? You would have all the same worry, but no option to stop the risk (short of making your theoretically husband live in the garage). These are your circumstances, they are what they are.

If he agrees to stop visitation, then that's a call that you have to make at that point. I don't think there is much sense wondering about it until your XH says "yes". 

You also have to consider how long this is going to go on and if stopping visitation is realistic. This is not going to be over in a couple of weeks, not even close. We're probably looking at months and I really don't think you can reasonably keep a child from the other parent for that long. 

With your daughter, as you mentioned, not only is her schedule totally screwed up but she's also losing a lot. Does that bit of stability help her, or is it already "too far gone" and won't make much of a difference at this point? This isn't a permanent decision. Could you try to skip a week and see how that works for your children? Would she be okay with having regularly scheduled FaceTime calls or dates? Would the temporary upset be worth it in the long run? Would she "bounce back" from it relatively quickly? Can the kids have more time with dad, once this is over, to even things back out? You know your children best and you have to weigh the pros and cons, if your XH even says "yes".

Personally, my wife and I weighed the pros and cons and decided to totally uproot our kids. One of my kids is fine, and the other two are not. My son has Down syndrome and relies on familiarity and routine, and he is not handling this well at all. It's a nightmare. My daughter will not see her other parent for weeks, or potentially months, because of this virus and that is really hard for her on top of losing everything else. The difference between my two kids who are struggling is that one can understand and comprehend the situation, and the other cannot. For us, our family and our situation, it was worth it and the right choice. For another family, it may not be.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bluesclues said:


> There is so much unknown that I don’t know if this is just an issue rooted in my anxiety or something real I should be momma bear about. I think my XH would be okay with a temporary stop to having them, I just don’t know if the kids would be okay with it, especially my girl.
> 
> Thoughts?


How old are your children? It's my understanding for the most part, COVID-19 is not infecting children... it's odd but it is what it is.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Yeah, with the pending lockdown of my state, my concern is that it will happen when my child is with my XH, (weekend) and I won’t get to see my child for weeks and weeks! 

The flip side of that, is if it happens the other way around, my XH is in that boat. Neither is a good situation!!! My home has tons better sustainability long term, but I just want us both to be able to have our child each and every week. What a mess this is in a million ways!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How old are your children? It's my understanding for the most part, COVID-19 is not infecting children... it's odd but it is what it is.


Actually it is affecting children just in smaller numbers. And children have been found with heavy viral loads meaning they are infectious without displaying symptoms which puts the others in their path in danger.

To the OP. The questions I would have would be is your spouse following social distancing as well. 

The level of risk versus reward (the child's life not being disrupted any more than necessary). To make a risk versus reward decision you need to know the risk.

For instance my husband had to take my MIL to the eye doctor for emergency surgery this week. They had signs on the door not to come in if you were not the patient. And patients couldn't come in if they had any symptoms. The staff wore masks.

Contrast this with our Chiropractor who only has a lysol wipe on his counter and in discussion thinks the whole thing is silly.

I won't be going back to my Chiropractor for a while.. It is high risk. He isn't informed or taking precautions. He sees lots of patients each day.

Talk with you ex and ask about their social distancing discuss the visitations. Ask if they can limit that to their house and such. I know we are trying to be locked down but keep having to go out due to my husbands work or a few supplies for the garden. I hope by Monday Afternoon we can be locked down and not go out of our own yard for months if needed. If both of your households are following the same protocols then it is the same risk. If one is much more loosey goosey than the other it is of higher risk. Medical professionals right now are at high risk and I would discuss skyping daily or something instead of in home visits.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I would call the other parent and tell them straight out now is not the time to screw around and until further notice (if the other parent really cared for the kids) to agree to let them stay with the best parent who can best care for them. Court order or not. This isn't a f***ing game not the time for hurt feelings.

But will show the other parent they come first. You raise a GREAT point!! It's time for the parents to act like parent. One has to submit.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

There are lots of great points here. The first and foremost would be to talk to their dad. I would hope that if you knew you were high risk you'd be willing to forgo seeing them, for their safety, maybe in exchange for other times once this blows over.

Of course there might not be a choice if there is a lockdown. Make sure that you are explaining to your kids about this possibility. Especially your one girl, as (not having much long term experience with autism) the more time she has to process, the better.

Communication. You need to start discussing this with both the kids and the dad. Waiting will only make it worse.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

frusdil said:


> I've seen a LOT of posts on social media about this. All I can say to anyone considering it without a damn good reason, is shame on you.
> 
> Some people will use any excuse to withhold their children from the other parent, and this virus is bringing out all the high conflict parents in droves.
> 
> ...


See this is why I posted this here. I have not seen anyone even broach this subject at all on social media or elsewhere, which made me think it was only me and not something anyone else was even worried about. 

I can see this being used as an excuse in high conflict spits. We don’t have one. But when we discuss things he usually goes along with whatever I say to appease me. That was a large issue in our marriage - he never shared his opinion but then resented not having his opinion considered. Again why I am looking for opinions outside my own before I talk to him about it so I am not just feeding him mine. I truly appreciate you giving yours. 

I agree with you on the word visitation. Poor word choice.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Bluesclues said:


> See this is why I posted this here. I have not seen anyone even broach this subject at all on social media or elsewhere, which made me think it was only me and not something anyone else was even worried about.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ask him for his opinion without offering ones of your own. If it is his "weekend" (or whatever time frame), make him make the call. However, if you feel that there is truly a health risk to your kids, then put forth your opinions, and work from there.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

We actually have three households to coordinate. My stepchildren come here EOW. I spoke with my current husband about my concerns and he said he would not voluntarily give up his parenting time with his kids unless they or us were under quarantine. And restricting one set of kids and not the other defeats the purpose. So, since it is really my own health I am worried about (assuming they are symptomless carriers) I will just have to take some stricter self-protection measures I guess. 

My kids are teenagers, not little. My special needs child will actually technically become an adult next week (gulp!) But she is only an adult chronologically and keeping her from hugging everyone she sees has been a challenge. She can only take being at her dad’s in small doses (and they can only take her in small doses too) so them taking the kids full time is a no go. Not a knock on him or his wife as parents. Their place is tiny and she makes involuntary movements and sounds that require space (and patience) they don’t have. 

But as someone said, we may not have a choice.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I've seen a LOT of posts on social media about this. All I can say to anyone considering it without a damn good reason, is shame on you.
> 
> Some people will use any excuse to withhold their children from the other parent, and this virus is bringing out all the high conflict parents in droves.
> 
> ...


Well, the term "visitation" would make the kids visitors, not the parent, right? You have to call it something. Visitation is primarily a legal term so parties know wtf everyone is talking about in one word.

I'd wonder why the kids are sleeping in a living room, and why there are *three* adults in the small residence. At which they sleep in the living room. 

I think it's conscientious and normal to consider the kids' exposure if things get bad---- and even right now before things are critical. Teenagers can certainly get the virus, some end up in the hospital, and they can also transmit it to others. It sounds like going to Dad's right now exposes the kids to three adults who work with the public. Yes, that is the opposite of social distancing.

You jump right to the term "withholding", which is inflammatory. Good parents can consider what exposure kids are getting in different environments and make decisions about said exposure at this time of a ****ing pandemic!!!!!!!!! during which thousands have already died, without it being "withholding".


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

My kids from my first marriage are adults now, so I am theorycrafting. In theory, I wouldn't prevent my kid(s) from being with their other parent unless their household or mine was under quarantine for showing symptoms or having been exposed by someone COVID positive.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

frusdil said:


> I've seen a LOT of posts on social media about this. All I can say to anyone considering it without a damn good reason, is shame on you.
> 
> Some people will use any excuse to withhold their children from the other parent, and this virus is bringing out all the high conflict parents in droves.
> 
> ...


I agree with you. As a dad fighting for custody of my kids, I was offended by this post and the other post challenging your position. I knew by the title of this thread what gender started it and what gender supports it. Disgusting the lengths people will go to keep the kids or yes, WITHHOLD the kids from the other parent.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I really don't think this is about withholding children from a parent. This is people being afraid, especially a person who has respiratory issues. I have two people in my household right now who are high risk. We are not accepting any visitors to our home, including our own children and grandchildren. I know that certain members of my family think my 20 year old son, who is in food service and working full time, should move out until this passes. My daughter, who is about to be married, stopped coming home and is staying elsewhere. Not how I wanted her to move out, but she is concerned about her father and grandmother. This is not a fun situation. It's pretty awful. People are having to make difficult choices to protect the health of the vulnerable.

I can understand @Bluesclues concern for her own health and wonder why her husband doesn't recognize the problem here. I have heard estimates that between 50-80% of people will get Covid 19. Those are high odds and people with respiratory illness are much more likely to die from this disease, because it attacks the respiratory system. This should be taken very seriously. Even teens are probably more likely to be carriers. My son, who lives with us, constantly washes his hands and is careful about his exposure, but if he weren't I would consider asking him to stay with one of his siblings. I'm not concerned for myself, since my lungs are healthy and I don't have any underlying illnesses, but my husband and my mother are at much greater risk, so we're taking this very seriously.

I think attacking the OP for wanting to withhold her children from their father are not considering that she may feel her life is at stake here. How's that going to work for everyone in her family if she's dead. I'm sorry, I know I'm blunt, but that's what we're talking about here.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

@Bluesclues, I think it would be a good idea for you to tell your husband and your ex that you are afraid. Give them some statistics, which you can probably find at the CDC website and ask them what they think. Don't ask them to do anything, just let them know that these are the facts and that you are afraid. People are more likely to want to help you if they understand that you are in danger and need them to help you find a solution. Even if this means that your children stay with their dad and your husband doesn't have his kids for a while, that might be the safest route for you.

When people's lives are in danger, sacrifices must be made by everyone, including the one in danger, which means you may not see your children for a while.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree with you. As a dad fighting for custody of my kids, I was offended by this post and the other post challenging your position. I knew by the title of this thread what gender started it and what gender supports it. Disgusting the lengths people will go to keep the kids or yes, WITHHOLD the kids from the other parent.


Did you even read the thread? I am not withholding my children from their father, we don’t have the oppositional relationship you do. My health impacts my XH too - unlike you, he pays just $62/wk for two children in one of the most expensive states in the country. Because I make the money. You think he wants me to die and take the full cost of them and their college on? You think he wants his plans to move to FL in three years with just his new wife ruined because he now has our kids full-time? One child who might not ever be ever to live on her own? Nope, he doesn’t. My concerns have everything to do with me being able to remain the stabilizing financial and emotional core for my family - including him - and nothing to do with shafting him. 

So take your projection and offense to another thread. After you apologize to me. Your generalizing and attacking is disgusting.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Bluesclues said:


> Did you even read the thread? I am not withholding my children from their father, we don’t have the oppositional relationship you do. My health impacts my XH too - unlike you, he pays just $62/wk for two children in one of the most expensive states in the country. Because I make the money. You think he wants me to die and take the full cost of them and their college on? You think he wants his plans to move to FL in three years with just his new wife ruined because he now has our kids full-time? One child who might not ever be ever to live on her own? Nope, he doesn’t. My concerns have everything to do with me being able to remain the stabilizing financial and emotional core for my family - including him - and nothing to do with shafting him.
> 
> So take your projection and offense to another thread. After you apologize to me. Your generalizing and attacking is disgusting.


No projection here. About 3% mortality rate in people over 75 with underlying medical conditions. With your oldest in high school, I’m suspecting you are in your 40’s. So if you think letting the kids see their dad is going to literally kill you, I guess that rationale is how you sleep at night. I won’t ever apologize when people capitalize on a crisis for their own leverage and gain. Once again, let the dad get screwed.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> No projection here. About 3% mortality rate in people over 75 with underlying medical conditions. With your oldest in high school, I’m suspecting you are in your 40’s. So if you think letting the kids see their dad is going to literally kill you, I guess that rationale is how you sleep at night. I won’t ever apologize when people capitalize on a crisis for their own leverage and gain. Once again, let the dad get screwed.


She has a preexisting lung condition. Read her OP! Good grief. Yes, she's worried about her health. You would be too. I cannot believe you are digging into your rudeness. You should be apologizing.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

No. No. And no.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

The feminism on TAM is appalling. How you all band together is truly gross. There are men here who are fighting the fight again this very thing. There won’t be any apology ever for a woman withholding her kids from their dad. No, not ever.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

RebuildingMe said:


> The feminism on TAM is appalling. How you all band together is truly gross. There are men here who are fighting the fight again this very thing. There won’t be any apology ever for a woman withholding her kids from their dad. No, not ever.


You are way off base. I think the word "withholding" was the wrong word for the OP to use, because in reality that's not what she is trying to do. In fact, if you had read any of her posts, you would see all the reasons she doesn't want her children to not spend time with their Dad. She is in a difficult situation and her concerns are legitimate. 

Okay back to the OP. I really don't have any advice for you. If your husband now, wants his kids to come over then you really aren't going to be able to socially isolate (unless your husband's XW and children are socially isolating.) 

The best I can say is talk with both your husband and your ex and see if they have any solutions. That wasn't much help and I am sorry.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

RebuildingMe said:


> The feminism on TAM is appalling. How you all band together is truly gross. There are men here who are fighting the fight again this very thing. There won’t be any apology ever for a woman withholding her kids from their dad. No, not ever.



Also, feminism is never appalling. I think you mean misandry. And I am sorry that you are facing it in your life. I do think custody battles are more likely to unfairly skew to women than to men. Again, I am sorry this is happening to you.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> The feminism on TAM is appalling. How you all band together is truly gross. There are men here who are fighting the fight again this very thing. There won’t be any apology ever for a woman withholding her kids from their dad. No, not ever.


Are you kidding? Apparently you aren't reading this thread. You are projecting your own pain and anger onto other people. I specifically said she might consider sending her children to their father until this blows over, in order to be safe.

Just btw, your figures are way off. The vast majority of people who die from this virus have underlying health conditions. This is almost never deadly for younger, healthy people, but it causes pneumonia, which is partly why it is deadly. That and the mucus makes it hard to treat.

I am an egalitarian. What is really appalling is that you are railing against women as some sort of enemy of men. That sounds a lot like misogyny to me. Just because you hate your ex doesn't mean all women are out to get you, but you're doing a pretty good job of irritating some of the people on here by your obnoxious attitude. She's scared. You are being mean. Back off.



Cynthia said:


> [MENTION=241513]Even if this means that your children stay with their dad and your husband doesn't have his kids for a while, that might be the safest route for you.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Sorry, this is a pandemic that will likely kill a million people in the US. Anything you can do to reduce its spread is good. Kids may no die from it but they can pass it on to others.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

RebuildingMe said:


> The feminism on TAM is appalling. How you all band together is truly gross. There are men here who are fighting the fight again this very thing. There won’t be any apology ever for a woman withholding her kids from their dad. No, not ever.


Start your own thread to whine about all of us appalling feminists banding together and how gross we are and stop thread jacking this one. You can whip up sympathy for yourself elsewhere without insulting this OP.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Livvie said:


> You jump right to the term "withholding", which is inflammatory. Good parents can consider what exposure kids are getting in different environments and make decisions about said exposure at this time of a ****ing pandemic!!!!!!!!! during which thousands have already died, without it being "withholding".


I was NOT referring to the OP, I specifically said "to anyone considering withholding" and it HAS become an issue.

I'm very well versed in how ****ing serious this pandemic is, but thanks. My husband and elderly mother are both very high risk.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > You jump right to the term "withholding", which is inflammatory. Good parents can consider what exposure kids are getting in different environments and make decisions about said exposure at this time of a ****ing pandemic!!!!!!!!! during which thousands have already died, without it being "withholding".
> ...


If you were well versed in how ****ing serious this pandemic is, you wouldn't have written your initial post in this thread. OPs concern is a valid one regarding exposure, and has nothing to do with negativity or conflict between her and her ex.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Cynthia said:


> RebuildingMe said:
> 
> 
> > The feminism on TAM is appalling. How you all band together is truly gross. There are men here who are fighting the fight again this very thing. There won’t be any apology ever for a woman withholding her kids from their dad. No, not ever.
> ...


This is very ignorant of you to state. Young People who dont have underlying conditions are also getting very sick and dying. If they dont die they can suffer permanent lung damage. It is not as uncommon as previously thought.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

OP you could look for some middle ground here. Explain to your xh your concerns and offer extra time when things start to settle down? I think if hes a reasonable man that might be something to think about. If it were me I would be fine with that, and I cant stand my xw.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is a lot of bickering between members and out right attacking others going on here. It needs to STOP NOW.

Please address the OP's very real issues directly to her. Otherwise do not post on this thread.

~ Speaking as a moderator


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Benbutton said:


> OP you could look for some middle ground here. Explain to your xh your concerns and offer extra time when things start to settle down? I think if hes a reasonable man that might be something to think about. If it were me I would be fine with that, and I cant stand my xw.


Your post made me chuckle, thank you. We actually like each other and he is reasonable. For all I know he could be worried about even having them over their place during all this. I will talk to him about it tomorrow.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

@Bluesclues, You might find the following information helpful. This page has a lot of information. It might help if your ex reads this information so he is informed.

According the the CDC:
As of March 16, a total of 4,226 COVID-19 cases in the United States had been reported to CDC, with multiple cases reported among older adults living in long-term care facilities (4). Overall, 31% of cases, 45% of hospitalizations, 53% of ICU admissions, and 80% of deaths associated with COVID-19 were among adults aged ≥65 years with the highest percentage of severe outcomes among persons aged ≥85 years. In contrast, no ICU admissions or deaths were reported among persons aged ≤19 years. Similar to reports from other countries, this finding suggests that the risk for serious disease and death from COVID-19 is higher in older age groups. https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6912e2.htm

This article in the NYT also has some information on underlying health conditions and COVID 19: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/12/health/coronavirus-midlife-conditions.html

Again from the CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/specific-groups/people-at-higher-risk.html

If your husband and your ex are informed, they are more likely to understand the severity of this and where you concerns are coming from.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Quick update. Before I could speak to my XH this morning about my concerns he texted me if I thought it was okay for him not to take the kids while this was all going on. Turns out he had the same concerns I did about his wife and stepdaughter’s exposure but he was worried I would think he was just shirking his responsibilities if he suggested they stay home. So they will stay put and he will FaceTime with the oldest so she feels connected. (The 15 yr old declined the FaceTime contact with an eye roll)


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Bluesclues said:


> Quick update. Before I could speak to my XH this morning about my concerns he texted me if I thought it was okay for him not to take the kids while this was all going on. Turns out he had the same concerns I did about his wife and stepdaughter’s exposure but he was worried I would think he was just shirking his responsibilities if he suggested they stay home. So they will stay put and he will FaceTime with the oldest so she feels connected. (The 15 yr old declined the FaceTime contact with an eye roll)


I'm so glad you're on the same page. This is good news. Hopefully the 15 year old will miss dad and have some facetime. My husband, my mother, and I all had facetime with our daughter, her two children, their roomate, and her little girl yesterday. It was very nice to see our loved ones and converse with them in real time. 

Stay safe and healthy.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Ask your ex. 
It isn't 100% up to you. 
If he doesn't care than find. 
Maybe give him an extra 2-3 weeks with them after this has all passed.

ps - this virus is commonly listed that it is dangerous to the elderly and those with health problems and lung problems. Healthy kids with no health issues do not seem to be at a high risk.
You mentioned you are the one with health problems. If your ex wants to see them and not have his time interrupted perhaps they can go stay with him and not come back to your home until this passes. You have it in a situation to where you get to keep them all the time and he misses out. If he is unwilling to concede this for you then perhaps you can miss out and let them stay there until this passes since it is your health you are most worried about...they'll catch the virus and bring it home to you. 

If you are truly afraid then perhaps you should clear out your house of other people entirely and get everyone to stay with other family until this passes. 

Just possibilities.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

If the non custodial parent is healthy, and doesn't live in filth, let the kids go see him. You can even pack them a travel bag with hand sanitizer, wipes, etc. Make sure they know to wash their hands often. Discuss this plan with their father.

You're a worried mom, I get it. However, the father is legally entitled to see his kids. Kids bring home more crud from school than they would every be around at their fathers home. Don't allow your great to get you in legal trouble, that went help your kids at all.

Be two smart, health conscience adults, and this situation will work out just fine.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ed3n said:


> If the non custodial parent is healthy, and doesn't live in filth, let the kids go see him. You can even pack them a travel bag with hand sanitizer, wipes, etc. Make sure they know to wash their hands often. Discuss this plan with their father.
> 
> You're a worried mom, I get it. However, the father is legally entitled to see his kids. Kids bring home more crud from school than they would every be around at their fathers home. Don't allow your great to get you in legal trouble, that went help your kids at all.
> 
> Be two smart, health conscience adults, and this situation will work out just fine.


OP resolved this with the children's father, you must have not read that.

However, it's untrue that the kids would be bringing more exposure to the house (if they were still attending school) than the three adults in father's house who work public facing jobs.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Bluesclues said:


> Quick update. Before I could speak to my XH this morning about my concerns he texted me if I thought it was okay for him not to take the kids while this was all going on. Turns out he had the same concerns I did about his wife and stepdaughter’s exposure but he was worried I would think he was just shirking his responsibilities if he suggested they stay home. So they will stay put and he will FaceTime with the oldest so she feels connected. (The 15 yr old declined the FaceTime contact with an eye roll)


Great update, glad to hear you're both on the same page


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Hello OP, being a divorced father that shares 50/50 custody I can give you my suggestion with experience in this matter. My suggestion would be to speak with your xh and work out a reasonable offer considerate of every bodies safety, yours, his, the children. Offer him more time with the children in exchange for keeping them now. I find it a reasonable offer and if hes a reasonable man he would probably agree, especially concerning the circumstances.

Avoid court and use only as a last resort. Probate judges favor working things out civilly first, and even in the courtroom will STILL advise to work it out. Pushing the issue in an arbitrary fashion is never a good idea as this may work against what you are trying to prevent. Also, as it pertains to attorneys - they will always be more than happy to take your money, again use only when other options have been exhausted.

In the end a court order is a lawful binding order and one that cannot be changed without judicial intervention. In some states keeping children from agreed upon visitation is not just a violation which could result in a contempt charge, but it could also result in criminal charges. Reasonableness and in the best interest of the children is always the best option.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

I see you already resolved the issue...strange my browser did not update. Good to see you were both agreeable


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