# For BS's...do you ever feel humiliated?



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

What I mean is when you think about what your spouse was doing behind your back w/o your knowledge during their affair..do you feel humiliated by certain actions. Lately this sense of humiliation has been going thru my mind.

For example with me..H knew I was checking his computer on a regular basis knowing that I would not find anything because unbeknownst to me..he had a cheap laptop which he kept hidden in his vehicle which he would use to go online with his overseas EA.

Yesterday I had a major argument with him about this..how I feel like a fool, etc. I told him that I wished upon him that someone would do this to him so he can understand how it feels.
I feel angry about the fact that in certain ways I was played a fool....of course he was in tears insisting that he never once thought of me in that way..that his EA was due to his selfishness with needing to feed his ego. Whatever...it still doesn't take away the humiliation I feel inside about some of his actions behind my back...almost a feeling of people laughing behind your back.


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## Regina007 (Feb 24, 2012)

All the time now. It's like my husband decided to just do everything opposite of what we agreed on and making me look to be the crazy / bad one when I object to it. I thought it had stopped when we were in England but when he started this crap again when we got back ... it's now always in the back of my mind.

So now when he does it, I just seethe inside but I'm doing the 180 and trying to do "Let Them Go" as well. 

So far, I've bolstered my self-esteem somewhat by making my first ever 100% from scratch - Pecan Chocolate Pie. Next is driving to Goodwill by myself to donate all the clothes I no longer need due to no longer fitting in. (I wish it was my husband's but alas, he doesn't have a lot.)

That one is going to be a lot to expect from me because I very dislike going out by myself in terms of spontaneity due to my agoraphobia. That's a complete 180 by itself. It's better than being at home being rubbed in the face with what he has been doing lately.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Every day.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

highwood;728711
"For example with me..H knew I was checking his computer on a regular basis knowing that I would not find anything e kwith
Yesterday I had a major argument with him about this..how I f
I feel angry about the fact that in certain ways I was played a fool....of course he was in tears insisting that he never once thought of me in that way..that his EA was due to his selfishness with needing to feed his ego. Whatever...it still doesn't take away the humiliation I feel inside about some of his actions behind my back...almost a feeling of people laughing behind your back."[/QUOTE said:


> Highwood, of course, he never thought of you in this way. Truth is, at that time, he wasn't thinking of you at all. Bottom line- it really had nothing to do with you. It was about him and his fantasy, his lack of boundaries, maybe even his lack of self respect.  Your feeling foolish is turning your anger inward. Freud said that depression in anger turned on oneself. I did that for a long time. It was very destructive to me. If you continue to feel this way, I suggest you check in w/ an IC to discuss ways of coping w/ this. It took me years to arrive at that point; even so, it made a big difference.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I felt the sting of humiliation when she moved out because I wondered what the neighbors would think. However, the humiliation that I felt pales in comparison to what she must feel every time she comes by to visit or cook for the kids.

I've only shared the reason for our divorce with an older neighbor but I'm sure that people suspect that she did something wrong. After all, how many women move out of their dream house and leave the husband to take care of the kids?


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Oh, yeah, I felt like a bleeping idiot. Welcome to the club!

For months my husband was super distant and no matter how I tried to reach out he was just going through the motions. At least 5 separate times, weeks apart, I sat him down and begged him to tell me if there was someone else. I was at a loss to figure it all out. _But I never tried to investigate further_ Then I discovered the secret email account. I immediately confronted him. He came downstairs and deleted most of the emails (except the sent box! whew). I changed the password after that. _Stupid me, why didn't I change the password FIRST_.

He told me it was over. We entered marriage counseling. I watched him cry like I've never seen him cry (except the day we discovered our 9 week embryo was dead inside me). _Silly me, I thought "he'll get over it eventually_." No, he contacted her just a couple of weeks later. MC was awful and didn't work at all. Our MC hardly discussed the affair. It was a blip on the radar screen. Never questioned that my husband wasn't in contact with the AP, because by golly he was in MC! _Stupid me, didn't know any better, either_.

Over the next 2.5 years (3 counting MC) things seemed to get better. I worked on improving myself in every way. My WS seemed more connected. Still, he was strangely irritable. Many petty arguments where he willfully misinterpreted me. I tried to point this out so many times. I became convinced **I** was the one with the communication problem. I would ask periodically if she had contacted him. He would always let out a big sigh and say, no, she had not. _Silly me, I never once double checked_. If I needed his phone, he'd "quickly check for emails" (i.e. delete her texts) and then hand it to me. Once she did send a fishing email, but now I know it wasn't fishing...they had been in contact for months when she sent it to the secret account I was monitoring. I angrily told her never to contact him again. _What a laugh she must have had at my expense._

DD#2 was 11 weeks ago. A couple of weeks after DD#2 I did a search on my husband's work laptop for the AP's name while he was in the bathroom. Up popped 55 emails he thought he'd deleted spanning the past 3 years. When he came back I told him to run the search. He impatiently told me he'd deleted everything. Up popped the emails again. We sat and read them together. I discovered to my horror that they had been back in contact a few short weeks after DD#1--straight through MC. It was like a DD#3.

He got down on his knees and begged for our marriage. He was truly terrified that this would be the last straw. If he had not done that, it would have been. When I said I was going to stay and work on our marriage, the relief was visible. That was the turning point, when all the lies (that he was mentally holding on to) were revealed to me. (There may be other stuff I haven't found, that is always a possibility, but that is something I have to let go and worry about when the time comes.)


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Oh, yeah, I felt like a bleeping idiot. Welcome to the club!
> 
> For months my husband was super distant and no matter how I tried to reach out he was just going through the motions. At least 5 separate times, weeks apart, I sat him down and begged him to tell me if there was someone else. I was at a loss to figure it all out. _But I never tried to investigate further_ Then I discovered the secret email account. I immediately confronted him. He came downstairs and deleted most of the emails (except the sent box! whew). I changed the password after that. _Stupid me, why didn't I change the password FIRST_.
> 
> ...


I am going through exactly the same thing. My husband keeps begging me to stay with him, yet I keep catching him in more lies after d day.

another secret computer, still in contact with OW, he claims only to talk, pix of him at men's clubs. 

I don't know if it is worth it to stay with him. He is a cake eater


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

river rat said:


> Highwood, of course, he never thought of you in this way. Truth is, at that time, he wasn't thinking of you at all. Bottom line- it really had nothing to do with you. It was about him and his fantasy, his lack of boundaries, maybe even his lack of self respect. Your feeling foolish is turning your anger inward. Freud said that depression in anger turned on oneself. I did that for a long time. It was very destructive to me. If you continue to feel this way, I suggest you check in w/ an IC to discuss ways of coping w/ this. It took me years to arrive at that point; even so, it made a big difference.


Thanks...what you said makes sense. Just the last two days I can't shake this humiliation I feel. 

He did tell me that he would never "laugh behind my back"...he said he continued on for his ego boost, his selfisheness, lack of self esteem due to his impotence issue. It's just that it makes me doubt everything he says...to me his actions were cruel and it made me look at him, this person I have known for 24 years, in a different light now.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

River rat...I forgot to add..that what you wrote made me feel a little better. 

As well for the other comments as well...for some reason I thought maybe I am alone in feeling these terrible thoughts of humiliation..I don't know it is like it just hit me the other day. Were H and his EA laughing at me in the emails they shared...

I told H that he and his EA were a good match because neither of them cared about what they were doing to another person...sometimes I think this..that maybe he changed so much that he deserves to be with a piece of **** like his EA.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Yeah I feel humiliated too. Just 2 months after my H left me for OW, who he claims was just a friends, he apparently brought her to his b-day dinner with just his family (parents and brother). It's so humiliating. He left me with a 4 week old and a 22 month old. His dad yelled at me when my little one was 2 weeks old to respect his son, and my ex didn't even stick up for me. I was irritable with my H then because I knew something was off, I just didn't know what. He set up his family for months how bad I was, and then out of the blue how he has 'moved on'. They didn't piece together yet, and I don't speak to them anymore after my FIL outburst. Where's my respect??? This is so humiliating. Here I am with the babies and there he is with his new (18 year old) gf, having an intimate dinner... she's in! I never was. Where's my f*cking respect.... I have to be married officially for another 7 months, and that's the most humiliating. Him having his AP now officially a gf, while he's still married.... how f*ucked. Never mind the bit where he cheated on me while I was pregnant. 
I feel your pain


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

I feel this way too, I feel like not only were my H and AP treating me like a fool, but many of our friends and some of my H family...I found out a few weeks ago that he had taken her out with some of our couple friends and also with his sister and bro-n-law and NO ONE said anything to me...it makes me feel stupid and foolish to even be around those people, because I feel like they are thinking "How stupid can she be?"..and I feel like they were encouraging it all by allowing it...


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Yeah I feel humiliated too. Just 2 months after my H left me for OW, who he claims was just a friends, he apparently brought her to his b-day dinner with just his family (parents and brother). It's so humiliating. He left me with a 4 week old and a 22 month old. His dad yelled at me when my little one was 2 weeks old to respect his son, and my ex didn't even stick up for me. I was irritable with my H then because I knew something was off, I just didn't know what. He set up his family for months how bad I was, and then out of the blue how he has 'moved on'. They didn't piece together yet, and I don't speak to them anymore after my FIL outburst. Where's my respect??? This is so humiliating. Here I am with the babies and there he is with his new (18 year old) gf, having an intimate dinner... she's in! I never was. Where's my f*cking respect.... I have to be married officially for another 7 months, and that's the most humiliating. Him having his AP now officially a gf, while he's still married.... how f*ucked. Never mind the bit where he cheated on me while I was pregnant.
> I feel your pain


I am so sad for you. No one should be treated like that by a spouse or inlaws 

a divorce is always easier than losing someone due to an affair. 

I can not understand why having an affair is not considered spousal abuse on both sides. 

I mean, it is so so easy to get a divorce these days. 

I really do think the the affair in many many case, perhaps not all to be fair, is a way for the cheater to slap down their partner for some reason. 

Instead of going to counseling or asking for a divorce they emotionally abuse the spouse by having an affair.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I used to, but thankfully I've never one to worry about what others think of me, so it went pretty quickly.
Still doesn't mean that it didn't anger me though.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I do. 

Especially when I think that I actually drove her to the mall so she could shop for a gift to send to OM, all unbeknownst to me at the time.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Of course.

I come to believe that affair is really a zero-sum game. What WS gains in fun and excitement, BS loses through humiliation and depression.


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## better than before (Aug 3, 2011)

Hard not to because you feel stupid for not knowing- always say that I won't be there again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yes, being cheated on is humiliating.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

I feel humiliated and rejected. I feel humiliated by him and the ow. I know she is thrilled that her long wait finally paid off. I know her friends knew about me for a long time, when I did not. Her friends congratulated her on facebook the day my h left me. All those years he was with her and I didn;t know or didn't want to know make me sick. It started when I was pregnant years ago and that's quite a kick in the gut. His family didn;t know before but now that they do they have totally rejected me and that stings.

The upside to all of this is that with my family and H and I's friends, I don't feel humiliated. They have all taken my side and are completely supportive. They all reasure me that I will find someone great and that my h is totally f'd up. He's been referred to as npd and a sociopath for living a double life for so many years. Of course the fact that I didn't know and now that I do I still love and want him is the biggest humiliation of all!!


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Humiliated? I don't know about feeling that anymore. Maybe in the beginning, but I did get over that feeling fast. 

But.......Stupid? Yeah I sure feel stupid for being so trusting, that is something I don't think I will ever shake. 
I found the OW name & # in his "burner" cell the week he met her-before his affair even started! He told me it was the name & number of the toxic friends g/f! (Toxic friend gave him the phone)
_Why didn't I just call that #--that day?? Why did I trust so blindly? Why didn't I see the red flags?_ That is the part I have a very hard time with.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

cantmove said:


> I feel humiliated and rejected. I feel humiliated by him and the ow. I know she is thrilled that her long wait finally paid off. I know her friends knew about me for a long time, when I did not. Her friends congratulated her on facebook the day my h left me.


Not the threadjack, but people like you describe there make me so very sick to my stomach!! TO congratulate a WH*RE for stealing someones husband is just sick sick sick. I hope Karma kicks them all in the behind, and you end up happier than any of those sickos!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> I used to, but thankfully I've never one to worry about what others think of me, so it went pretty quickly.
> Still doesn't mean that it didn't anger me though.


This pretty much describes me too.

And realizing that what he did was all about him and not me helped too.

The more we talk about it and the more I learn the better I feel


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## jen1020 (Dec 18, 2011)

Sure I felt humiliated.

The night before he hired a prostitute I arranged the most memorable birthday party for him ever. We even flew friends and relatives over from another country so they could celebrate with him.

I wish I hadn't wasted all those preparations now because apparently that wasn't enough of a birthday 'present' for him. He didn't deserve any of it.

Jen


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

All the time... I morphed though. After a while, I forgave myself for not seeing the signs, and believing her ‘truth’ when I questioned some pretty nasty redflags. I trusted and loved her and didn’t want to think ill of her; This is a lot closer to what love looks like than what she was offering. I stopped beating myself up for simply loving and trusting her out of respect. That isn’t something to feel humiliated about. She’s the one who used that as a means to hurt me. Who’s the awful one here?

Now, I’m humiliated with myself for staying. Having a hard time there not feeling stupid about this choice.


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## Peachy Cat (Apr 15, 2012)

It's been years and I didn't even love him by the time I found out for sure.

Every now and then, I'll think about it and feel myself blush from embarrassment... which causes a hot flash and just pi$$e$ me off


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Numb-badger said:


> I used to, but thankfully I've never one to worry about what others think of me, so it went pretty quickly.
> Still doesn't mean that it didn't anger me though.


I never felt stupid or humiliated in the sense of what others might think.

I did feel ashamed, because I did contribute to the vulnerable state of my marriage that led my husband to confide in a woman whose marriage was likewise hitting a low point. So even though I know it was his choice to cheat, I was ashamed of how I allowed our marriage to get so weak--my share of that.

But as described in my post above, I felt stupid in the sense that IF I had been educated about infidelity, I might have done things differently.

But...and I don't think I've said this before. I look back on the last three years, and I wonder, maybe all of this happened the way it was meant to happen. And second-guessing myself now is even more stupid than accepting the choices I made out of ignorance. Maybe if DD#2 had happened the same year as DD#1, I'd be sitting here divorced, instead of happily reconciling.

I try never to wish that things were different than they are. It is just one of those things I've learned the hard way...


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

For some strange reason, I did not.In fact, by the end, I was pretty releived to get a "GEt out of Jail Free" card.
My XW was very cuel, in general and it was amped up during the affairs. By the end, I could not stand her.


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

I felt like the biggest fool of them all!!
The X had sex w/ the OM and played games(on the computer) w/ him all day while I was @ work. Months went by and she wouldn't stop....she rubbed it in my face and laughed to her friends about it in front of me....it was horrible!!
She hid his name from me, he got new identies so I wouldn't know it was him....her family and my family watched on FB as she lied her way to divorce....and that was my relief 
Mouse


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> Yeah I feel humiliated too. Just 2 months after my H left me for OW, who he claims was just a friends, he apparently brought her to his b-day dinner with just his family (parents and brother). It's so humiliating. He left me with a 4 week old and a 22 month old. His dad yelled at me when my little one was 2 weeks old to respect his son, and my ex didn't even stick up for me. I was irritable with my H then because I knew something was off, I just didn't know what. He set up his family for months how bad I was, and then out of the blue how he has 'moved on'. They didn't piece together yet, and I don't speak to them anymore after my FIL outburst. Where's my respect??? This is so humiliating. Here I am with the babies and there he is with his new (18 year old) gf, having an intimate dinner... she's in! I never was. Where's my f*cking respect.... I have to be married officially for another 7 months, and that's the most humiliating. Him having his AP now officially a gf, while he's still married.... how f*ucked. Never mind the bit where he cheated on me while I was pregnant.
> I feel your pain


I dont Know how to MULTI QUOTE just the sections of lines that I want.. IF ANYONE can explain how to do this is would be helpful, I would rather not have to quote the whole post somtimes when it just one or two sentences that I can relate to.. I just cant get it to work I can only Quote the whole post.. HELP :scratchhead:


Ok as for what I want to say, most of what you are saying I went thru, the whole family thing.. his family... bringing her to his parents home... and her being only 18--our oldest daughters age only 10 months diffrence-- and his family looking at me LIKE I DID SOMTHING WRONG.. it just get you to wondering what it is they say to them, your in-laws.. Like I said before its not like I was his girlfreind for a few months.. NO I was his wife of well over 20 and the mother of his kids THERE grandkids... and it was pretty low of them to act in the way they did and Im refering to the in-laws as well. I dont get it, they dont have to like me, they never let on in all those years that they hated me that much to just go along with such vile behavior.. it made there behavior or attitude toward it all appalling to say the least.. 

The weird thing is NOW, they act like they did before.. Like I am part of there family as if nothing ever happened.. But at the time, well they sure let there true colors show, and I am not looking thru rose colored glasses anymore. I am not going to lower myself to being hateful or mean or vindictive.. But I am not stupid either..

Still, makes you wonder what was said about you... by your spouse to them, or vice-- versa

So yeah I do feel humilatied.. ALOT.. and just thinking about it while typing this brings the humilation to surface as do many other things when I have to face them that is related to or dealing with the affair.. If only the spouse would had-had enough brains, or heart for that matter to realize how much pain, suffering, confusing, and humilation there actions and stupity would bring upon there spouse who they claim to love.. you would think they would want to protect there spouse from all the crap, but then again as I have been told thats when the "FOG" plays a role..

But I know how you feel... Affairs uhhhhh they are damaging..somtimes I wish my H could feel the way I do, I bet he would want to crawl under a rock and stay there...


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## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

Yes when I am around family or friends that know about it. It sucks. And when I tell my wife this she says she doesn't understand because she is the one that screwed up and had the affair. She still doesn't get it.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Just Tired of it All, did you R? How long did it take before he came crawling back? I won't take my back, I actually hate him for how he is neglecting his children and THAT is my main reason. But I'm very curious.... Wonder if I will ever get to see him apologise and I can give him the finger in return.... Ahhh fantasy


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> I never felt stupid or humiliated in the sense of what others might think.
> 
> I did feel ashamed, because I did contribute to the vulnerable state of my marriage that led my husband to confide in a woman whose marriage was likewise hitting a low point. So even though I know it was his choice to cheat, I was ashamed of how I allowed our marriage to get so weak--my share of that.
> 
> ...


Yes, I have to look at that aspect of it as well...I did contribute to the demise of the marriage pre affair...H would try and talk to me about how he was feeling, etc. about certain things and all I would do is sweep it under the rug and hope it fixed itself...in hindsight that was very stupid of me.

I am going to try and remember that because sometimes I do focus strictly on his EA but I did contribute to his not so positive feelings about our marriage. I admit sometimes I think I like to play the victim and not acknowledge my role, not in his EA, but in our marriage decline.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I am going to try and remember that because sometimes I do focus strictly on his EA but I did contribute to his not so positive feelings about our marriage. I admit sometimes I think I like to play the victim and not acknowledge my role, not in his EA, but in our marriage decline.[/QUOTE]

Somebody here said that marital problems can go 50/50, but an affair is 100% WS's fault. Therefore, if the marriage declined, which they do (they go up and down up and down), then there were other methods of dealing with that rather than sticking your ........ in some other broad. You know? So yeah, I do think you are a victim in this.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Every day.


THIS!:iagree:


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Well HONESTLY.............


We are working toward R, it is a work in progress. Sad really, it sure wasn't any work on the WS part when he destroyed our marriage union. But from the beginning, during and after it is a lot of work. Not so much for the WS at the beginning or during but after well he is getting experience of his betrayal. 

It has been about 2 1/2 years since d-day #1. There has been a lot of ups and downs for us before we reached true R. Yes there were other D-days and like you I finally had enough and gave up. Well actually I really started to listen to the fine people on TAM. That really is what made my marriage turn directions pretty fast. I took there advice and I started seeing a change in my husband soon after. I didn’t believe most of what I was being advised to do at first it goes against everything your mind or heart is telling you to do at the time. Lets face it, at the time we are hurt, distraught, worried, stressed and at one point depressed to some degree. So our rationale is impaired at the time. Who's wouldn’t be? Anyway, we really just grasp at what we "THINK" should be done at the time.. Fear takes over and we make resolution to try to ease ( or at least not to prolong our suffering) but most times it is not done with a clear mind or heart. 

" I actually hate him for how he is neglecting his children and THAT is my main reason."
Oh yes, did I go thru this to.. Boy did I ever.. I loathed him for treating our children anything less than OUR CHILDREN.. At one point in time, I tried to get him to sign all rights over to me. Hey to ME he had abandoned them so if he wanted to discard them fine I will take full responsibility for them. Heck at the time I didn’t think he was worth there Love or respect. That is sad also because you always want your children to respect and love there parents. Wrong is Wrong-- Right is Right.. At the time his wrong made me right or so I felt.. I felt I was my kids protector and I just wasn’t going to subject them to there fathers behavior any longer. It turns out, I really never had to go that far. His actions, decisions and foggy choices he made hurt him more than I could have ever inflicted on him myself. You reap what you sow right? Well he has.. it is like R for him and our children to.. And that is way more painful for a parent than it is for spouses trying R…..

(EXAMPLE) One day our oldest daughter reached her point ( everyone has one) she had smart mouthed him and this shocked us both, it wasn’t a typical teenage smart pants either, way more emotional.. He looked at her and said you will not disrespect me and speak to me like that.. She looked at him straight in the eyes…. saying… Respect? you talking to me about Respect? let me tell you a little something about respect Daddy.. and she unloaded everything she had been dealing with the heartbreak was devastating for all of us.. she said something along these lines, although it may not be exact words but I promise it is pretty close, its etched in my memory and heart as well as his.. forever……………………..
"All my life Daddy I have listen to you tell us what right from wrong. You have gave me advice even when I didn’t want it. You Knew what was best for me. Hey your Daddy you love me/us you wouldn’t say or do anything to hurt me/us right? We our your world, your children, your BLOOD. Nobody can ever take our place nobody can ever take yours, hey you only got one daddy!! Our whole life you have taught us to respect you and momma, know that you will always be there for us, love us, protect us, guide us heck you Know what was best for us told us that a million times, you was never giving advice or guidance to hurt us but to help us along in life. YOU WOULD NEVER HURT US. Taught us to Never hurt other people, never treat people like you wouldn’t want to be treated. How many times did I come to you for advice in my life, about my relationships? Yeah, sure tell me right from wrong. I had so much respect for you, daddy I listened to you.. I took your advice to heart and I would use it to make my decisions about my life. Now, I don’t Know why I did. It was all bull. You are hypocrite nothing you told us or taught us was truth not if you cant apply it to your life and live what you preach.. But Momma, well she has. She stayed daddy, she stayed.. She has struggled but she never once let us down. Even when I could see her struggling trying to hold it together she wouldn’t give up and she did it for us. Let me tell you something I watched it all, seen it all heard it all.. I got tired of it so I stepped up to help with "siblings" no thanks to you.. But I respect momma, she has proven more about what type a person she is a lot more than your "talks" has all these years about yourself. Do I love you Daddy, yes, I do I will always.. Do I respect you NO… never thought I would loose respect for YOU, but somehow along with everything else in your life you have managed to kill that to….." and then she left…………….. I was stunned, and so was her dad.. so he is really working on rebuilding the bond, trust? with his kids.. Affairs destroy everyone and everything in its path.. And it takes a lot to rebuild the life you once had afterwards. It takes a lot of hard work, commitment and effort but it can be done.. 

Oh I can set here and tell you a lot more, there is so much to your questions.. and a lot I can relate to on some degree or another but I will end it here. Long post but hey this stuff is complicated and WORDY.. LOL.. feel free to ask more if you would like.. I will tell you what I can relate to (my situation/story) as best I can I don’t mind if you don’t mind the long Replies LOL….. SO SO much that could be said, but the kid part just sparked something in me…… And I had to elaborate on that a little while.. However I will "talk" openly about whatever anyone wants to hear.. only if they are ready for a long RELPY.. I am not giving advice, I leave that to veterans they know more than I do, but I will share my experience…


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

The most humiliating part of it for me was the fact that the OM had something on me. That he was getting information I was not allowed to have. I felt like an outsider in my own marriage. That was the worst and most humiliating feeling of them all.


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## Rainey Okay (May 9, 2012)

Yes. Humiliation has been a part of my roller coaster. I know the OW. Would see her from time to time in the grocery store, shops, etc. Now that I think about it she had a cat that swallowed the canary look. She worked with my H for a bit and would make odd statements concerning him. So yeah, I feel humiliated and foolish. Based on the comments I am reading I am hoping this eases soon.


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## JustMe321 (May 9, 2012)

Yes. <sigh>

So many times. The worst was reading about me in their chats. How they would discuss me. How she would offer to help him buy gifts for me and they would laugh. How they would joke about where he was supposed to be vs. where he actually was. How I was mere feet from him while they were chatting. 

I cringe at the thought. Makes me feel so f'ing stupid. 

Basically how I was a moron for trusting my spouse. Humiliation is the word for it.


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