# just married, not happy



## aladay (May 22, 2012)

just got married last year. i work with him and am miserable. i am too old to quit and find another job. what do i do? i really can't afford to make it on my own. i did not think it would be so hard to work with somebody and be married to them. i have made a terrible mistake and do not know what to do. i am asking God to help me feel different, i need a miracle.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

What do you mean you are too old to quit and find another job? Unless you are 84, I highly doubt it.

Working with one's spouse is really difficult. I couldn't do it. What if you talk to him about it? That working together is putting a strain on your marriage, and that you are considering working elsewhere? Would that precipitate a huge fight?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Get your resume together and find a new job.

Yes, it is really that simple (gosh I feel like I say that a lot).


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How did you afford to live before you got married? Why are you so miserable?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lamaga said:


> What do you mean you are too old to quit and find another job? *Unless you are 84, I highly doubt it.*


Made me laugh.



PBear said:


> How did you afford to live before you got married?




Stop talking all that logic and sense, people!


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## aladay (May 22, 2012)

thank you for responding...i am 58. i have already told him that and he doesn't understand at all. he is perfectly happy. he cannot relate.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He doesn't understand what?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

He doesn't have to understand why you are unhappy, he just has to care that you are.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lamaga, what is your avatar?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

It's a character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- D'Hoffryn. I didn't realize it looked as scary as it does when I picked it!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It is very scary ::shudders:: lol


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

aladay said:


> thank you for responding...i am 58. i have already told him that and he doesn't understand at all. he is perfectly happy. he cannot relate.


You still haven't answered the basic questions. Why are you unhappy, and how did you survive the last 57 years if you can't afford to live on your own now. Find a room mate, if that's what you need to do. Staying together to save money isn't a bad thing necessarily, but it's hardly a marriage, especially if you're miserable.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Minncouple (Sep 9, 2009)

Wife and I work togetehr also. I started the company, and when she sold her company I was in the need for a controller/CFO. 

It is a tough one, and I have to really work at it. We both do. I first took for granted that she is my wife and spoke to her (and she spoke to me) in ways that I would never speak to one of my employee's. 

After much work, I treat her like a employee and she treats me like an employee. We have scheduled meetings, avoid each other in the office (she has her time in the office and I have mine), and we work well together.

The hardest part is not forgetting that the other spouse is a person, not a whipping block for issues. Once you control that, your good to go. Actually I feel great knowing that there is someone overseeing the financials that really has my (our) best interest at hand.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

aladay said:


> just got married last year. i work with him and am miserable. i am too old to quit and find another job. what do i do? i really can't afford to make it on my own. i did not think it would be so hard to work with somebody and be married to them. i have made a terrible mistake and do not know what to do. i am asking God to help me feel different, i need a miracle.


So where is the part about loving him? Do you? Even when you love someone, you still need some "alone time" to be with yourself and pursue your individuality. Even when my marriage was on solid ground, I needed some "me time" and I couldn't imagine working with my spouse AND living with him too.

If you are in a loving marriage, then I would suggest that you find time to be with friends, or alone, or to find some hobby or interest that you can enjoy by yourself. If you are not in a loving marriage, then I would suggest as others have to leave and find a roommate if you can't afford to be on your own. Either way, you really need to consider exactly why you are feeling so miserable. Is he not the companion you expected?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

lamaga said:


> It's a character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- D'Hoffryn. I didn't realize it looked as scary as it does when I picked it!


Yes, it is scary! Whenever I read your opinion I take it very very seriously. Would not want to get on your bad side.


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