# Suspicious activity



## trini (Jun 19, 2014)

Husband and I have had issues in the past concerning his bachelor party. basically he promised not to go to strip club but ended up going and getting a lap dance. that was nearly three years ago. Since then he promised not to go to any more strip clubs. Couple of months ago he went to a bachelor party in vegas. This was his first since his own bachelor party. He decided to only stay one night, as the boys planned on going to a strip club the second night. He told me when he got home, they went to dinner in the food court. Then walked around aimlessly as they had no reservations anywhere that night, and ended up going to a lounge called KOI in Planet Hollywood. He called me on the walk back home to say goodnight. This was I think I forget the exact time but I think around 2, 3am? The next day they went to a pool party and got a cabana. That evening he got a late flight back home. 

Anyways, last weekend we went to a wedding of another friend of his and slept overnight at one of his friends house. This was the second time I met this guy friend of his who was at the Bachelor party.

This guy who has been nice to me the whole time otherwise, says to me towards the end of the night, "I have to tell you, your husband is so scared of you! This guy was acting like you had spies there!!? He just wouldn't come out to the clubs with us man! I was like dude!? she isn't even here!! How will she even know?? Lets just go! But he was like, no.. I can't.. I promised my wife I wouldn't go and I wont!"

I was very shocked internally esp as he said this to me in front of his wife there, but I just laughed it off, and said "oh my god you make me look so bad hunny, I didn't say he can't do anything, just did not want him to go to strip club. you make me sound like the devil" And then this friend proceeds to say, "no more like a lunatic crazy psycho!.....:surprise:". (with a haha just joking type attitutde) I mean isnt that inappropriate? He even told me he said "she is not here dude, lets just go". Would you be offended? 

So later on I ask my husband what this friend of his is talking about? What the boys had to convince him to do? he then admits they had wanted him to go to a stripclub that night as the grooms best man had not made any reservations anywhere and the men were annoyed at the lack of planning the first night. they were saying lets do the stripclub tonight and the pool party and club bottle service tommorow but due to my husband refusing to go to striplclub they just ended up walking around and going to KOI as hakkasan had huge line. they waited in line for half hour apparently and thought this is not worth it and went to KOI.

FYI - He has not done anything inappropriate since his bachelor party. in his Bachelor party he lied to me numerous time about not getting a lapdance then later on admitted he did. we had agreed that he wouldnt go to a strip club in the first place before his party but he did and lied. Anyways since then we have gone to counseling about this issue, and had numerous conversations/fights/discussions about next bachelor parties. for this reason i assumed he wouldnt want the HASSLE of going to stripclub cause he knows i will leave him if i find out he did and he knows i have had numerous sleepless nights and fights about this issue so it is a BIG DEAL to me.

Anyways I am having a hard time believing him about this last time. I just don't know why. I think to myself about the facts. 
1. they were drinking in the room from 5pm to lets say 7:30 or 8pm?? Im not sure but I would assume this is what happened as he said they were drinking for a while then went to the food court. If after going to food court they walked around aimlessly how long would that take to walk the strip? Is 1 hour enough?

2. If dinner was at 8:00 and food court is relatively quick, they would be done by 8:30pm. Then if they walked for one and half hours that would be 10:00pm. So if they went to KOI from 10pm to 2:30am that would be 4.5 hours! Isnt that too long? How long do people stay in a lounge? KOI is a small lounge and very very packed, the drinks are quite bad I hear. So why would they stay there all night. Apparently after KOI they then walked back to their hotel at the Encore.

2. Are strip clubs nearby the strip. Do you think it is possible that they aimlessly walked around for 1.5 hours then went to a stripclub by taking a cab? or went to KOI for a few drinks and thought this is lame and convinced him to go to stripclub for the last hours? so if they went to stripclub from 11:30-2:30am, is this enough time for a stripclub?

3. how much are the cover charges to get into the clubs for bachelor party groups? Would they be able to take a cab from the stripclub to the vegas strip back and then walk to the hotel?

4. I just don't know which makes more sense. If they did go, maybe his friend wouldnt have said to me he was shocked that my husband refused to go and called me controlling psycho? He would have just shut up and never mentioned anything right? OR maybe his friend said that to me cause he was INITIALLY really shocked that my husband refused to go but as the group convinced him to go later on in the evening maybe he just said that to try to make it seem like my husband never went.....to play devils's advocate? I mean how can you stay in KOI for 4 hours right? 

5. Anyone know anything about how far stripclubs are from the strip. how much are cover charges? is it common to stay in KOI that long. anyone been? how long does it take to walk aimlessly along the strip from ENCORE trying to find a club/lounge to get into in vegas? Thanks.


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

I think you ought to relax about the strip club thing. You are driving yourself nuts over nothing.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

anything can happen in Vegas. It is very easy to wander around for hours on the streets and through the casinos and other establishments and never go near a strip club. You seem to be fixated on your husband and strip clubs. 
The friend may have used poor timing to joke about how your husband and you interact but it sounds like he was trying to tell you in his attempted joking manner that your husband's friends probably do think you are a bit overbearing.
You are worried your husband may be lying to you about this. Do you suspect your husband lies to you about other things?
Why are strip clubs so threatening to you? Particularly on the seldom occasions of a bachelor party? Those don't happen very often and are pretty traditional for such events. 
Did something happen in the past (other than his own bachelor party) with your husband and strip clubs or other behaviors that has caused this mistrust in him?


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

I think you have every right to forbid him from going to the strip club and for there being serious consequences if he lies and does it anyway. However, being so suspicious is hurting you. You should trust what he and his friend are saying and let it go. What if he really was good and kept his trust with you? You being suspicious is going to make him believe that it wasn't worth it to keep his trust with you and will leave him feeling punished no matter what he does. I would believe the friend that your husband probably did say those things and ruined their fun a little bit. He seemed like he was honestly expressing what happened. Let go of micromanaging your husband for your own sanity and to make him want to be on his best behavior for you. The truth always comes out, sooner or later. If he really did break your trust, you will know later and you can act then. But acting so worried now is more likely to make your worse fears come true.


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## BBF (May 21, 2015)

Yeah...forbid him. That'll work. Keep his tentacles in a lock box on a shelf in the kitchen while you're at it. Top it off by being a suspicious nag. 

Or, you could be a sexy, kind and amazing mate who showed him such love and affection that he'd never think of doing anything that would disappoint you. 

Your choice.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Totally agree with PP. You are being a bit extreme here. Ok yes he lied to you the first time around but you have moved on from that incident (I suppose you have seeing as how you are still together), so he is seemingly being honest with you this time. You have two choices here with adverse effects on your relationship.
1. Disbelieve him when he is likely telling you the TRUTH, make it known to him you do not trust him making him feel like sh!t and being resentful toward you
2. Swallow your pride (and suspicion) and TRUST what he is telling you to be the truth. Move on happily together.

To me it sounds like he learned his lesson from his mistake the 1st time so cut the guy some slack. Yes his friend sounds like a bit of a douche but maybe don't get over sensitive about him when it's your OH which actually matters here.


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## Harley Rider (Jul 7, 2015)

In my younger days, I worked for 3 years as a bouncer at a strip club. I've dated dancers. I can tell you that the gals working those clubs aren't after your guy. lol They are there for the money. And in a good club they make GOOD money. Almost all of them have guys. Different folks look at things differently. To me this is a no brainer. It was a bachelor party. Bachelor parties sometimes end up at strip clubs. Don't be so insecure. Just because your man went to a strip club don't mean he's on the hunt for another woman. 99.9 percent of the time he's not. He's just having some harmless fun with his friends. Oh, and as far as the lap dance he got at his party - guys do that to the groom. I doubt it was his idea. I'll bet his buddies paid for it just to watch him sweat. Guys are like that. When My first wife had her bachelorette party, they went to a male strip club. I was fine with it. I actually gave her maid of honor a few hundred to buy her some lap dances with whatever guys Jayne thought was cute. But that's just me. I don't sweat the little stuff. And, to me, this is defiantly little stuff.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I"e spent many hours walking around Vegas - there is just so much to see, and by design it is difficult to tell what time it is. I remember being there with a group of friends and we decided to stop to stop for Dinner at the Venetian - and discovered it was after 1 am!

There is no way to know what he did or didn't do, but I suggest you trust him. 

If anyone asks him to go to a strip club the simple answer is "no thanks". If they really press its "no thanks - I've got a gorgeous wife at home".


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## pleasecoffee (Jun 18, 2015)

let him go. it's not like those girls will try to "steal" your husband. They just want money. and it's not like it's the mustang or bunny ranch, it's just a bunch of females either nude or semi-nude. no different then porn. He is more likely to have an affair with someone at work then with a stripper if you don't trust him.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Harley Rider said:


> In my younger days, I worked for 3 years as a bouncer at a strip club. I've dated dancers. *I can tell you that the gals working those clubs aren't after your guy. lol They are there for the money.* And in a good club they make GOOD money. Almost all of them have guys. Different folks look at things differently. To me this is a no brainer. It was a bachelor party. Bachelor parties sometimes end up at strip clubs. Don't be so insecure. Just because your man went to a strip club don't mean he's on the hunt for another woman. 99.9 percent of the time he's not. He's just having some harmless fun with his friends. *Oh, and as far as the lap dance he got at his party - guys do that to the groom. I doubt it was his idea. I'll bet his buddies paid for it just to watch him sweat. Guys are like that.* When My first wife had her bachelorette party, they went to a male strip club. I was fine with it. I actually gave her maid of honor a few hundred to buy her some lap dances with whatever guys Jayne thought was cute. But that's just me. I don't sweat the little stuff. And, to me, this is defiantly little stuff.


This is very true OP. 

I know several girls that work as strippers part time and part time for me. It's all about the money...hell, they seem to have contempt for the patrons most of the time. They want nothing to do with your husband. 

One of the funniest things you could see at a strip club is a guy getting a lap dance that doesn't really want one. Sitting there..stock still...sweating..Hilarious. 

Just take a deep breath...enhance your calm..and think it through. Because it really comes back to you. Did you choose to marry a man that would even attempt to run off with a stripper? Really? Does this fit in with what you have observed from him over the years? 

As for trying to track time in Vegas...The whole place is designed to make you wander and lose time.


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## trini (Jun 19, 2014)

Thank you for your replies. 

Can someone tell me how much are the cover charges to get into the strip clubs for bachelor party groups? I mean entrance fees? And how much are the lap dances themselves?

Where are they located these stripclubs? Are they far from the strip itself or can you walk it? 

What do you guys think about his friend's comments to me. Isnt it appropriate thing to say to your friend's wife, who you have hardly met, just cause your friend refused to go to a stripclub?!! i mean they went to the bloody pool party, lounge, AND club! jesus. Maybe he said all these things to try to convince me to believe they didnt go but actually they did??


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## Icey181 (Apr 16, 2015)

Your husband's friends are reacting to something.

Your husband was a killjoy and refused to go to the club _because of you and your concerns over the previous incident_ and they likely both gave him a solid working over for it (like men do) and offered some your way because they were likely annoyed.

If they went to a club his boys would be covering for him by not saying a damn thing, not by engaging you and pointing out how controlling they see you.

You have trust issues, clearly unresolved from the initial incident.

My money is on this:
1) He did not go to any clubs
2) You need to resolve your trust issues

Your last response is you literally fishing for some way to prove he is lying to you…that is a problem in of itself.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Your H said the following to his friend. 


> I can't.. I promised my wife I wouldn't go and I wont!"


That should be enough. 

Stop the worry. It will only make ya gray...


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

trini said:


> Thank you for your replies.
> 
> Can someone tell me how much are the cover charges to get into the strip clubs for bachelor party groups? I mean entrance fees? And how much are the lap dances themselves?
> 
> ...


These strippers don't want your husband, unless he is rich and or famous. They are there to make a living.

It is Vegas, there are strip clubs everywhere. Cover charges vary depending on the popularity and calibre of the club, same with the charges for lap dances. A lap dance in the public part of the club is less than a private lap dance in the champagne room.

You should really relax on the strip club thing if it is just something your husband does for bachelor parties. Making it some huge forbidden thing that you don't "allow" him to do is childish. You either trust him or you don't. If he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him, don't set it up so he feels like he has to hide things from you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I think his friend was telling you to lighten the hell up! 

I will never understand why women are so threatened by strip clubs and lap dances. I've been to strip clubs with my husband, though I've never seen him get a lap dance I'm sure has had one or two over the years. 

Why are you so frightened about this? Do you think he might like those girls better than you? I can promise you it would be IMPOSSIBLE no matter what you look like.

Your continued nit picking and detail hunting speaks volumes. I'm sorry to say, I feel bad for your husband. He must be totally embarrassed that his wife treats him like a naughty little boy....unless he's into that sort of thing?


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

trini said:


> Thank you for your replies.
> 
> Can someone tell me how much are the cover charges to get into the strip clubs for bachelor party groups? I mean entrance fees? And how much are the lap dances themselves?
> 
> ...


Good grief.

Most of your questions can be answered by Google.

I think the friend was trying to point out how controlling you are, he just tried to do it nicely.

Your H should not be afraid of you, or of telling you the truth, or of attending the normal functions of a bachelor party (and I hate strip clubs too).

Let it go. Or you'll be back in a few years in the Divorce section of TAM and we'll all be telling you "we told you so".....


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Trini, I've just had a look at your other threads.

Honey, you hold grudges. You don't think it's a grudge because you're not long angry, but it is a grudge because you have never been able to have faith and trust in your husband and so each time a marrital spat happens, instead of starting at 2 or 3 level of anger you go straight to 7 because the anger over your H's bachelor party has never gone away.

You would best serve your marriage by going to therapy. You have serious trust issues and if you don't get a hold of them they will ruin your marriage. Please find a therapist and make an appointment.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

You asked him not to go. 

Even in the face of high levels of peer pressure and you not being there, he respected you. 

You should be happy, and this should be the end of the story.

Instead, you're suspicious and upset. 

The problem, in short, is now you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

trini said:


> Thank you for your replies.
> 
> Can someone tell me how much are the cover charges to get into the strip clubs for bachelor party groups? I mean entrance fees? And how much are the lap dances themselves?
> 
> ...


I think if they had actually went to a strip club they wouldn't have said a damn thing to you. 

You dancing dangerously close to the edge of becoming the "crazy wife". Your husband is going to catch sooooo much flack over this from his friends...Why do that to him?


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## trini (Jun 19, 2014)

You guys are so right. I am overthinking this and he doesnt deserve such a horrible wife like me. I will stop bullying myself and torturing myself over this. he prob did not goand if he did it will come out one way or another. he deserves better than me right now. 

for everyone who said stripclubs are not a big deal, good for you but there are people out there who disagree like me. and there is more of us than you think. why? cause i personally do not want (and you dont have to agree with this) naked chicks to rub up against my man and his junk. am i scared he will cheat, no. am i scared she will steal him, no. but it is about respect. i think it is disrespectful and inappropriate to be in a monogomous loving relationship yet get a green card to get stimulation and arrousal from a live naked chick with her boobs on your face. I just dont see how that is just light, fun, and im the psycho one. but that is just me. to each his own. my husband would not like it if i had a pe.n.is dangling in front of my face either! for god sakes. 

anyways, thanks for putting perspective in me that I need to let the bachelor party incident go. its been too long. and yes i think i do hold grudges whoever higlighted that to me and will work hard to not do thast anymore.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Honestly I think you seriously need to look at the image you are giving off to others...being feared and controlling is not a good look...plus it's no way to build a marriage.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

trini said:


> You guys are so right. I am overthinking this and *he doesnt deserve such a horrible wife like me*. I will stop bullying myself and torturing myself over this. he prob did not goand if he did it will come out one way or another. *he deserves better than me right now. *
> 
> Going from accusations to self pity is not the way to go.
> 
> ...


There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you have a boundary about strip clubs. Good for you for having it. It sounds like your husband respects it and you. Enjoy that. 

Going all encyclopedia brown when he was with his friends probably drives you nuts....and he sits there thinking "Why does she think I would hurt her?" Give him the opportunity to demonstrate that he is trustworthy.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

You need to work on this pity party you seem to be very willing to throw yourself. 

Calling yourself a horrible wife does nothing for anyone. 

Acting as a better wife will help everyone including yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

trini you seem to swing from one extreme to the other. you are not a horrible person or wife. you have legitimate feelings about your husband, yourself and men, particularly married men, going to strip clubs. all fine but the feelings seem to be controlling you rather than you controlling the feelings. folks have generally advised you may be overreacting to the whole las vegas strip club incident and in response you get down on yourself as a bad person and wife. Someone pointed out from other posts you've made you may harbor grudges long after some incident has happened. 

All of these things are indications of your emotions getting the best of you. 

You aren't a bad person. You have legitimate feelings about places like strip clubs. Things happen but people need to resolve them and move on. 

Start with the years ago bachelor party. Can you close the door on that? It doesn't sound like you have been able to do so thus far. Are you in control or are your emotions?

Then with the recent Las Vegas trip. Your husband and his friend said nothing happened. You seem unwilling to accept that and appear to let your imagination run wild with possibilities. Do you trust your husband or do you not? Are you in control or are your emotions?

Finally, when you ask for advice and people give suggestions that you may want to reconsider how you are reacting to your husband and his friend, you turn negative on yourself and label yourself a horrible wife. Are you in control or your emotions?

Relax. Life is too short to spend so much of it in such anxiety. Watch your favorite movie or go shopping or have your favorite comfort food or get a pedi or whatever it is that calms and soothes you. And when hubby comes home treat him special in whatever way has meaning to him. Enjoy.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Something to think about:
I believe people cheat for a reason, they cheat because they want something they don't have at home. Now, often that "something" is not reasonable: I want a Ferrari, but that doesn't meant its OK for me to steal one. 

But sometimes (maybe often) what they want is reasonable. One very important want is for respect. If you let your husband know that you do not respect him, you may to more too push him towards cheating than any stripper. 

i went to a strip club once long ago. Stayed about 5 minutes before I left out of boredom. There was nothing there I wanted. 





trini said:


> You guys are so right. I am overthinking this and he doesnt deserve such a horrible wife like me. I will stop bullying myself and torturing myself over this. he prob did not goand if he did it will come out one way or another. he deserves better than me right now.
> 
> for everyone who said stripclubs are not a big deal, good for you but there are people out there who disagree like me. and there is more of us than you think. why? cause i personally do not want (and you dont have to agree with this) naked chicks to rub up against my man and his junk. am i scared he will cheat, no. am i scared she will steal him, no. but it is about respect. i think it is disrespectful and inappropriate to be in a monogomous loving relationship yet get a green card to get stimulation and arrousal from a live naked chick with her boobs on your face. I just dont see how that is just light, fun, and im the psycho one. but that is just me. to each his own. my husband would not like it if i had a pe.n.is dangling in front of my face either! for god sakes.
> 
> anyways, thanks for putting perspective in me that I need to let the bachelor party incident go. its been too long. and yes i think i do hold grudges whoever higlighted that to me and will work hard to not do thast anymore.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

You and your husband have an agreement on not visiting a strip club. Whatever opinion somebody else has, doesn't matter. It's your boundary so you have every right to express that and work that out together.

By the comments of his friend it seems obvious this time your husband kept to your agreement. Try to believe that he did the right thing.

The friend is not respecting your agreement and disrespecting you and your husband. How he commented on your husbands reaction is not a very adult reaction.

Try not to obsess about the strip stuff too much. 

And don't feel like you should accept whatever because other people do. Everyone has the right to their own boundaries.

Good luck.


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