# Unfaithful Wife



## bdb548 (Mar 13, 2009)

I have been married for almost 12 years to my high school sweetheart, we married at the age of 20. We have a beautiful daughter. 2 years ago we were forced to file Chapter 13. My wife lost some trust in me because I may not have been as upfront about or financial situation as I should have. 

About 6 months ago, she had a new manager start working with her. She would tell me about all of the jokes and cutting up that they would do. I would jokingly accuse her of liking him. Well about 2 months ago, she quit talking about this manager, and started picking fights with me and my daughter. She would get mad when I would ask what her plans for the next day was. She was never letting me know what she was doing on her days off, I would ask her what she did on her day off and she would say I stayed home all day, but banking records showed differently. On Valentines day, my wife, daughter and I went out shopping trying to spend some quality time together. I thought pretty good day. The next day she had to work, and told me she would call when leaving work so that I could have my daughter ready to go out to dinner. I called my wife's work at about 1 pm and was told that she left work at around 12 pm. I called her cell phone she did not answer, She returned my call at 2:45 pm, saying that she was on her way home, she decided to get her nails done and get coffee on the spur of the moment. This upset me that she could not have called and told me that when she decided to do that, because I could have been doing something else. When she got home she told me that she wanted to seperate, because she could not stand me trying to control her. Something did not add up right, so I checked her cell phone usage for the period and saw that she had 3100 text messages total, 3000 were to one person in particular. I checked her phone, she deleted all messages and the contact information. I asked who this person was and she just stated a friend, and that I would not understand. The friend ended up being her manager who is also married with 4 children. The next night she left to stay with her parents. Leaving me with our daughter. She came back home 2 days later, and tells me that she is planning a trip to her girlfriends house at the beach in 2 weeks. then the following sunday, I was putting away clothes and ran across a cell phone that I have never seen before. I asked her about it and she told me that her manager is paying for the phone so that I could not track her phone activity. She then proceeded to tell me that she has feelings for this person and asked for permission to pursue the relationship with him and stay at home with me. I told her no. That Friday came, and I snuck into her luggage and found lingery and sexy relation quizzes for new couples, she denied she was going with him, that she did not realize that the lingery was in the bag. I later found out that she was going to a different beach than I was told, and found out through facebook that he was going to the same beach that same weekend. I called her told her get out of my house.

Now I am willing to reconcile our marriage because I am a firm beleiver in the bible, and know that the Lord frowns on divorce. She is not willing to give up her friend to save our marriage and now blames me for the separation because I kicked her out.

Andy advice would be helpful.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

well unfortunately, if she refuses to give up her extra-marital relationship, and yes, it is infidelity, even if they have not had sex yet, then I don't know if saving it is possible..

If you can get her to cut off all contact with this man, and tell her that you want to work things out, then maybe? Do you think she might do that, if you really talk to her? 

That is the only way you two can reconcile, as trying to make it work while she dates someone else, is futile, and will result only in more pain and anguish for you, and your child.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

CALL HIS WIFE. RIGHT NOW. NO EXCUSES. IF SHE KNOWS SHE CAN CONTROL HER HUSBAND. DON'T LET YOUR WIFE BACK IN. TELL HER TO STAY AT YOUR MOMS. CALL THE MANAGEMENT OF THE COMPANY AND LET THEM KNOW THAT ONE OF THEIR MANAGERS IS GOING TO CAUSE THEM TO HAVE ONE HELL OF A SEXUAL HARASSMENT SUIT (IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER YOU WORK THERE OR NOT) HIS ACTIONS SHOW THAT HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED. 

TELL THEM LIKE THIS "IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, I WILL SCORCH THE EARTH WITH WHAT HE HAS DONE. IN THIS ECONOMY HOW WILL THAT LOOK ON YOUR BOTTOM LINE. 

Now for your wife. Call her mom and make sure you tell her that she needs to stay with her because she is cheating on you with her boss. Tell her "She is destroying her family and your granddaughters childhood and that she is being verbally abusive" Let her mom know that she is also destroying another family with four children as well. You sound very strong with her. That's good. Now you have to force the issue. Go to a lawyer, and file for divorce (you don't have to sign). The idea is, completely disrupt her fantasy. You have to show her that she is losing everything. Her family, her home, her lover and probably her job. If she wants out of your world of love and support. Let her experience the real world with out love or support. And yes in two months she has definitely had sex with him. YOUR GREATEST ALLY WILL BE HIS WIFE. IF HE LOSES HIS JOB. HE WILL BE A LITTLE BUSY LOOKING FOR ANOTHER ONE. PROBABLY TO BUSY TO BE SNIFFING AROUND YOUR WIFE.

I can't believe what she asked you. "Honey is it OK if I go and have a lot of sex with another man. Oh I want to live here too. So that when I come home after screwing him, you can fix me dinner. Oh and would you mind doing a load of wash, I am completely out of clean panties. AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH! 

If you want to save your marriage. STAY STRONG. I don't care if you lost every cent you have. FOR RICHER, FOR POORER, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH!


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## bdb548 (Mar 13, 2009)

I have already been to the wife of the man, they have been having problems for seven years, she is moving with the children out of state to the west coast. This man is willing to let his children leave that far away just to get away from his wife. Shows what kind of man he is huh. The wife talked to the upper management and they swept it under the rug. This is a retail store and all managers have issues of sleeping with their employees. I have already called HR on the store manager for him talking to my wife about her breasts. I have not talked to anyone about this particular manager yet


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Then you need to move forward with the filing. Close any joint bank accounts you have with her. Deny her access to all forms of support, emotional and financial. Do not ask her to come back or tell her you love her. You're not Mr. needy. You need to work on your happiness and your daughters. No more anger. You are moving forward with your life. Around her you are confident and self assured. She has to think "OMG he is divorcing me and moving on with his life. Do I really want that?" Your hope is, that by pulling back from her emotionally, that she wises up. But you may have to go through with the divorce. I think that forcing the choice of him or you is the right tact. Focus on you and your daughter. Exercise, eat right, get enough rest.


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## Matt1 (Mar 12, 2009)

Dear bdb548 - (let me say I don't know anything about anything) but I can say Initfortheduration has got alot of good advice. I am in a bad marriage for years now. Only last weekend did it hit a new low - along the lines of conspiracy to commit adultery. In the old days this was punished by stoning. A little neanderthal I admit - but my point is feel your feelings, go thru the natural human process of sadness, betrayl, loss - then get pissed - really pissed off. I have. Took me a few days but face it, this selfish person has taken yet again (at least speaking about my own marriage) and you need to draw the line. We are adults. If she has lost some respect for you in the financial crisis (that is where I am) that you have experienced, fine, complain. Be upset. But scr_wing another man is not her right, her priveldge nor is it right to do this to your daughter (bad example). Have the stones to stand up and say "no". Be angry. Make plans for your new life - even if you don't have to follow thru. Take responsibility and make the 'right' choices for you and your daughter. Stop being a victim and be an adult. (I am learning fast to have to do the same) I can admit I had a naive expectation about how marriage would work out. I saw exactly what you are going thru with a family that grew up next to mine. In the 1980-82 he lost his job, she starting get on with another man, and thier lives took it hard. I am not going to let my life melt like I saw that family. My wife is not a little girl and I am not her dad. Your wifes "taking" is not ok. Your wifes choices are wholly selfish and destructive. Take back your life and responsibility for your child. Get a lawyer, get the evidence and get in control. Whatever happens from there be a man and make the right choices. (I am in exactly the same boat)


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

Hello, bdb.

First of all, you are assuming that you have control and can make the decisions for her that you want her to make for herself.

Second... you need to understand that this is probably not the manager's fault. I remember finding e-mails sent by my "innocent, victimized" wife... I was SHOCKED to find her as the aggressor who pursued the relationships.

Now then, SHE is confused at this time because for the first time in a while, she is having jittery, giddy feelings because of the attention she is getting from him. This is ALWAYS temporary, but a lot of the time, the cheating partner doesn't realize it for what it is until it is WAY too late for reconciliation.

Having been in this situation, This is what I did... I took my wife inside and made her look at our half-asleep daughter and asked her if "he" was worth it. I made sure that she understood that she was on the brink of losing everything that is dear to her over a fling. I made sure to let he know that she would not only be losing me, but her kids, her home and everything that our marriage was about.

At that point, it was no longer about how she felt about me, but the hard realization that she would indeed lose it all and be left with nothing. That was her wake-up call.

Having said that, realize that the company that he works for could give a rip about your feelings and the affairs that happen in the work place... as long as they are making money. 

Further, even if he DID get fired, it would not take away her opportunity. If she wants to cheat, there are plenty of other people out there that are willing to play the game.

Take a strong position, stand up for yourself and be willing to follow through if it doesn't go the way you hoped it would.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have been there and it truly sucks in the extreme!

~Moog


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## Matt1 (Mar 12, 2009)

Oh, and I might add one more thing: don't quit on the employer. REALLY GO AFTER THEM! If we are upset with the lack of ethics on Wall St or in Gov't, everyone of us needs to STAND UP for what is right and against what is wrong - for our children's sake! Get the man fired or file that lawsuit. Be a crusader for your daughter - this is the legacy we leave for our kids. (think about those guys that wrote some neat ideas down on paper, were considered triators, and most lost everything - in pursuit of what they believed in - they wrote the Declaration of Independance - the least we little people can do is stand up to the scum who think it is ok to destroy their own families and ours. Nail that guy too.


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## Matt1 (Mar 12, 2009)

Bdb, moogvo has some good advice about showing your spouse what she will loose, you do not have control over her choices - but do not agree with the company's lack of responsibility (that is what led Wall St. down the path of greed and billions of lost taxpayer dollars). As for the manager - I have never met a male that didn't want to mate - gay or straight - he is a low-life and not worthy of description as victim of her desires - he could have said no to a married woman vs. participating in the act of adultery. Bottom line: Dbd - you make the right ethical choices for you and your daughter, follow-thru on what you think is right and leave a strong legacy in the choices you make. Everyone is responsible for thier actions: the wife, the manager, the company and you (& I) - so do the right thing and mean it.


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## briannak (Mar 12, 2009)

What you guys are forgetting is why do women cheat? I have never cheated on my husband or any of my boyfriends prior to marriage, but like all women i have friends that have. Most of the reason women cheat is because they are not getting what they need emotionally at home. Honestly, if you filled for chapter 13, was it your fault? Did you care enough about your family and your wife to make sure that didn't happen? And i bet you never really asked her how she felt about it, she just went along with it and said everything would be ok, right? She probably feels you cant take care of her, and Im pretty sure you have been stressed and worried, and at times cold to your wife, but if she already having doubts about the way you treat her filing chapter 13 was probably the breaking point. What she did wasn't right and she needed to be confronted, but you seem to be placing the blame only on her and threats and being controlling is only going to make her stray away more. And agree, the guy is a scum bag, but she cheated on you not him, so i would leave him out of it. You said he text her 3000 times, well how many times do you text her and not just to ask her where shes at, who is she with, but tell her that you love her and miss her even if she has only been gone for a few hours. Might sound dumb, but it goes a long way especially after being married for so long and having children. You say you dont believe in divorce, but its clear that your angry and that that is the only thing on your mind. But i believe that if you two work hard you can save your marriage, but you need to stop thinking of her as the tramp that slept with her boss, but as a real person with feelings too. If you all cant talk about it and she really doesnt want to be with you, then its over, but at least you can tell your daughter that you tried.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

briannak

That is one helluv a lot of conjecture. You make one statement that "what she did wasn't right" and then the rest of you post is blaming him, for something we know nothing about. What if he just can't take the fact that his wife let some other guy inside her. Do you know how many people are hurting in this economy? There is a 10% unemployment rate in California and 4 other states and its getting worse. That is not justification. That is the time you pull together, not take your panties off for another man. Did you here him, she is taking it out on the daughter too. And they say I jump to conclusions.


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## COFLgirl (Oct 9, 2008)

I'm probably going to get 'blasted' for this but I have been very surprised at how many husbands have come on to this forum to tell their stories of their unfaithful wives. Sure, there are a lot of stories from women who had unfaithful husbands-I am one unfortunately -but there doesn't seem to be as many. But as a woman, I have never even contemplated cheating on my husband nor have any of my female friends cheated on their spouses-as far as I know.

I guess I was operating under the assumption that more men cheat on their wives and statistically this seems to be true, even though statistics differ. It is interesting and I think oftentimes true that the woman tends to be the 'aggressor' in these situations. I'm sure that is difficult to believe-but I think once women become emotionally involved with someone outside of their marriage, it is very difficult for them to let go of the other man sometimes. And once a PA happens, it is even more difficult. This is what happened in my situation--my husband was not at all emotionally involved as much as "she" was. She was pushing him to divorce me-she was definitely the aggressor. 

Anyway, I can sympathize with you guys-it's painful I know-and I hope that things work out for the best.


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## bdb548 (Mar 13, 2009)

BriannaK, you are correct, I did not do enough to avoid the chapter 13, I let her down, I am not faultless. I have forgiven my wife for her mistake, and am trying to start from scratch with our relationship. We have mutually decided that the starting point would be talking calmly about our family leaving her "friend" out of our conversations. I think we actually made a breakthrough just today in our conversation. She has had her position now for about 1 1/2 and I have never asked her what all it requires of her. I did that today and realized that I was wrong in never inquireing about this. I just assumed she did not want to talk about work at home. We then both discussed that this is where part of our problem lies. She never asks me about my job either and really has no clue what I do. and I have had the same job for 15 years. As far as the text messages go, there is no reason for a married woman to be texting another man, 500 exchanges in one day while spending "quality family time" with your husband and child. the whole time my child is right beside her. I agree I did not give her the full attention that she may need but I dont see how someone can throw way a relationship that started when we were 13 and we are now 32, married for 12 of those years.


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## briannak (Mar 12, 2009)

As far as the texting goes i agree with you, she shouldn't have done that, but texting does go with the affair. Theres a million things she probably shouldn't have done, but i feel as if it all stems from the same thing. I guess, when a person feels unappreciated at home, small little things become big huge things and slowly you just stop caring. You said she is barely figuring out what you do at work, after 15 years. Thats a red flag that you alls communication isn't strong. This is actually and easy remedy if you both stop fighting and start listening. Who knows, you all can even fall in love all over again. Im sure thats what she has been wanting.


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## bdb548 (Mar 13, 2009)

briannak, you are exactly correct my communication skills are very bad, always have been, I am not a very confident speaker to anyone, because I came from a family that did not encourage communicating. My wife and I today have been having very productive conversations, but I am not sure if she is yet willing to put our marriage ahead of her "friend", i guess I will have to wait that out if I decide to stay committed to my marriage. My daughter told me today that she was not sure she wanted for me and mommy to get back together, because she gets my full attention but not from Mommy because she is constantly texting and pays no attention to her. I did let my wife know this today but not sure how this affected her.


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## briannak (Mar 12, 2009)

well your wife needed to hear that, but your daughter should tell her directly. Im glad you two are on speaking terms, thats is always a good sign. Communication is really important. I feel when a woman gets married, she sees her partner as the one she wants with her were ever she goes, her best friend. And women need to communicate, but if their best friend is not listening and wont listen, then they go shopping for a new best friend. Dont let this happen, be her friend back. Marriage is hard but its alot easier when your doing it with your best friend. Even if sometimes she may be a little boring, cause we all are at one time or another, just nod your head and agree, a head nod is better than nothing.


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## bdb548 (Mar 13, 2009)

couldnt agree more, that is what I am trying to do now, it seems that at first the more I tried to fix the marriage the more she wants her friend. And sometimes it still feels that way now. She told me she would consider counselling but not if it was going to mean giving up her friend that would not be fair to her or her friend to give up on their relationship so quickly.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Be her friend? bdb is right the more he chases after her the more she will pull away. And with the OMs wife moving away. There is a good chance, he will chase her right into his arms.


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## bdb548 (Mar 13, 2009)

I am trying to be her friend, that is what she asked me to be from the beginning while she was asking me to give her permission to date him. 

The funny thing about it is he will not return my calls. I called him from my home # and he answered his cell phone excitedly expecting it to be my wife. I told him who I was all he could do was hang up on me. 

My wife will not allow him to talk to me. She told me that she feels that I am a push over and I let people control me and that is one thing that attracted her to me (she is a spoiled only child) It seem s that her friend is just as much of a push over as I am. 

My wife and I both had facebook pages, what ever my wife put on her page as her status, his status would be a variation of her status. Not a very smart individual. He would constantly send her kisses and hugs to her profile and not delete this from his profile. My wife cleared everything off her profile as soon as it showed up. If I sent her something she would hit ignore but accept all of his apps.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

So then you are her doormat.


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## bdb548 (Mar 13, 2009)

It is not that I am her doormat, 12 yrs ago when I said I do in front of the church and in front of the lord I meant it. I will do whatever it takes to make my marriage work until the day that she gets remarried. I will not give up on my family until that day. He knows that I will always be around ready to step in when he messes up and I dont think it will take long considering everyone at the store now knows they are together eventually it will get boring to both of them because they no longer have to hide their romance.

Making a marriage work is not being a doormat, it is caring for the people that you love and being able to forgive people for their mistakes. The Lord forgave us all for our mistakes by dying on the cross for us. So if you are saying that the Lord is a doormat for all of us sinners then I am proud to say that I am a doormat, because that means I am living the life he wants me to live.


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## cato1788 (Mar 12, 2009)

bdb, it's painful to read your response to this. Is it possible that your wife is abusing your devotion and good will?

Don't you ever think about the graphic detail of what hey must be doing together? Doesn't it drive you bonkers? I know it would me?

I'm not judging you, because i have not been in your exact shoes. But I really just can't comprehend how you can accept a situation like this.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

No the lord is not a doormat.

Jesus said that infidelity is the only reason for divorce. So then you ignore what the lord says? 

At this point, your wife doesn't need a "friend" she needs a husband. If you are not defending your marriage (which is if you are not requiring your wife to end this affair), and your wife isn't defending your marriage. Exactly who is defending your marriage. You are trying to love your wife back into the marriage. Why don't you read the threads here, and on survivinginfidelity.com
and loveshack.org. and enotalone.com. and marriage builders and see just how successful that plan is in reconciling your marriage. 

bdb, everyone thinks there story is different. And that they know their spouse better then anyone. But the stories are all the same. Read some of those sites and do some investigation. There is a thread that I will bring up .


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## bdb548 (Mar 13, 2009)

Initfortheduration, you are correct there really is not any thing different from my story than anyone else's. 

I told my wife on wednesday that I would only talk to her if it pertained to our daughter. thursday morning, she started calling me I just ignored the calls. She called 20 times before noon and texted me about 10 times. After lunch I had to leave to pick my daughter up from school, she called about 15 more times now leaving messages, sounding frantic that I was not answering the calls. At my job I work with alot of family, 1 brother, 2 cousins and 1 aunt. My wife started calling my aunt to find out where I was, so I got on the phone with her then. She was crying hysterically because she could not figure out why I was not answering her calls. I told her that I needed my space from her to be able to give her her space. She came back with I thought you said you would always be there for me if I ever needed anything. I told that in the future I would but I needed this space. She said she was wanting for me to take her to lunch that day but since I did not answer her call I could not. She then said that she wanted to discuss us and a possible reconciliation. But by this time she had got mad at me for not jumping at her calls all day that she no longer wanted to discuss it with me on Thursday, she would talk to me about it later. She was getting ready to go on a date with her friend and did not have time to go in detail about our marriage.That pissed me off. 
Well friday morning the phone calls started again, and I answered she just wanted to vent about my stepmother, (she is gossip queen around here and the gossip made it to my wife's best friend) We had a really good conversation about our day and asking each other about our jobs and our daily tasks that we never knew we had. I mentioned saving our marriage, she abruptly said she had to get back to work and avoided all other contact from me for the rest of the day. 

This morning I woke up in a fighting mood, I sent her a text to see how long it would take her to respond also I have learned that if the Other Man is at work, she has more of an attitude and usually does not respond to me. Of course I wait two hours and get no response, I call her job and she will not answer the phone, I call her cell and tell her that if she wants open communication, that it was a two way street, not to expect me to be there for her only when she needs support, and her not show me the same respect. I was not playing second string for her when her freind was not available. 

Later I send her a text about her cousin and she responded asking how i knew that I told her I had IM'd her cousin. My wife got upset that I have communicated with her family because she is afraid that I am going to tell them that she cheated on me. She is selling the story we fell out of love. I said something else about our marriage and she says cant talk right now. I send back saying once again this shows how the open line of communication works only when it is to her benefit. I then texted her that I apologize for our marriage and our child interfereing with her new social lifestyle, since it seems so much more important to her than anybody else. She immedialty called and asked why I was starting to get mean. I explained if she wants my respect and open ear then she needs to show me some respect and open ear. She said some things have changed since Wednesday night and she wanted to talk to me about them on sunday. I told her then that she had until this wednesday to either drop her friend or I would be filing for divorce using adultry as the reason instead of irreconcilble differences as she requested i do.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

bdb, You see from your last post, when you pulled away and went NC on her, she freaked. And even started talking reconciliation Then you finally spoke to her and she relaxed because she knew she was back in control, and started treating you like garbage again. And wouldn't talk about getting back together. Don't you see what actually worked? YOU NEED TO OUT HER TO HER FAMILY. She will be angry, and say that's it. Your marriage can survive her anger, it cannot survive her continued affair. You cannot be her friend. A friend has no investment in your marriage. You have to be her husband. You must take a hard line. 

YOU NEED TO CANCEL YOUR JOINT BANK ACCOUNTS AND CREDIT CARDS. YOU MUST PULL ALL EMOTIONAL AND FINANCIAL SUPPORT. Tell her that if you can't trust her with your heart you can't trust her with your money.

bdb, please do not think I want your marriage to end. On the contrary, I want to see you reconciled. But as long as she thinks she can get away with pacifying you with reconciliation talk (maybe). She will continue to sleep with this man. If you want to save your marriage, you need to act. Filing for divorce is not getting a divorce. It allows you to show her what is at stake. But you need to do what you need to do. I hope you will learn from your experience in your last post what worked. 

Another point. You see what happened when you pulled away and went NC. Then you became Mr. NEEDY. And she took control again. Do not be her friend. But do not be angry with her. In fact when she sees you. You must be confident and happy. Do not ask her to come back. SHE NEEDS TO THINK, "OMG, HE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO MOVE ON. HE MAY ACTUALLY STOP LOVING ME". That fear is your friend. It will cause her to think about reconciliation more then anything. Remember no more MR. NEEDY. Please consider what I have written. Good Luck.

We all have an investment in each others marriages.


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## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

I recomend you read the book Love must be tough by DR james Dobson founder of focus on the family I believe you cannot be permissive at all kicking her out was the right thing to do good job I know that must of hurt like hell it is in the lords hands now to change her heart you must be prepared for the worst God bless you


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

I agree... She is playing you like a bad radio station. Man, pick up your self-respect and lay it out. Why don't YOU find a friend to hang around with... I am not saying to go find a woman to play grab-ass with, but go off somewhere and stay gone all day.

Hell man... you are in Raleigh! There is PLENTY of crap you can get in to... If nothing else, go hang at Jordan Lake this weekend... It's gonna be like mid 60s during the day. Let her wonder what YOU are up to. Let her SEE that you can live WITHOUT her. 

Going to lunch with you? BS! That was a guilt trippy thing she invented to punish you for not answering her calls. Mind games.

Bottom line is as long as she feels like she is in control, and that there are no consequences for her actions, it is going to continue. She has already shown you this!

So... Saturday... You are going to leave the house alone... You will NOT answer her calls. When you return home at 10 at night and she drills you about where you have been, you tell her you were off with a friend. Be NO MORE specific. Remind her that she opened the door for "Friendships".

BTW. Nice to see another North Carolinian in here. I am about an hour south of you along US 1 in Sanford.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

~Moog


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

get her out of your life and move on, be the best dad you can be for your daughter, she is playing both of you. You and the guy she is screwing at work.

The funny part is you will take her right back.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

bdb, If you would just do what you were doing in your above post. She want your love, and she wants to give her love to him. That is the fog. Cut off all communication except for the kids and finances. And regarding finances. You need to cut her off of those also. DO NOT FUND HER INFIDELITY. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT SHE CAN'T HAVE ANY OF YOU IF SHE IS GIVING HERSELF TO HIM. 

ITS LIKE THIS. IMAGINE YOUR WIFE IS GOING TO SEE THE OTHER MAN. AND SAYS I WANT TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR HIM. I THINK I WILL PICK UP LUNCH TODAY AND PAY FOR THE HOTEL ROOM. SO SHE GOES TO YOUR ATM AND PULLS OUT 100 DOLLARS OF YOUR MONEY. TAKES HIM TO LUNCH AND THEN SHE PAYS FOR THE HOTEL ROOM. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT SUBSIDIZING HER AFFAIR. AND YOU CAN'T SAY IT HER MONEY IF SHE IS TAKING IT OUT OF A JOINT ACCOUNT. GET YOUR OWN BANK. AND SEND YOUR AUTO DEPOSIT THERE. THEN GET THE BILLS AND SPLIT THEM RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. DECIDE WHICH ONE SHE PAYS AND WHICH ONES YOU PAY. NEXT TIME SHE WANTS TO PICK UP LUNCH OR THE HOTEL ROOM, SHE'LL THINK TWICE.


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## ronaldg_ph1976 (Jan 25, 2011)

well, we can be very judgemental of her but we may have our faults too right? We may have been "uncaring" of her and that maybe the reason why she is led astray from her marriage. THE ONLY SOLUTION FOR THAT IS TO HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE!! If she is already engaged in a relationship with her manager why not allow her to do so and also you should also engage in a relationship with another lady. A marriage is a contract which binds two people together when there is love, but if "love" is no longer there but you still wanted to live together then you should "Open" your marriage with others. A polyamorous marriage is THE SOLUTION FOR TAINTED MARRIAGES


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

bdb548 said:


> She then proceeded to tell me that she has feelings for this person and asked for permission to pursue the relationship with him and stay at home with me.


Damn. She get's points for balls, can't take that away from her.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Ronald, the answer is not a polyamorous marriage. The answer is to not dig up 2 year old posts to try to make a point. Start a new thread if you want justify cheating in your marriage (which I imagine you are).


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## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

ronaldg_ph1976 said:


> well, we can be very judgemental of her but we may have our faults too right? We may have been "uncaring" of her and that maybe the reason why she is led astray from her marriage. THE ONLY SOLUTION FOR THAT IS TO HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE!! If she is already engaged in a relationship with her manager why not allow her to do so and also you should also engage in a relationship with another lady. A marriage is a contract which binds two people together when there is love, but if "love" is no longer there but you still wanted to live together then you should "Open" your marriage with others. A polyamorous marriage is THE SOLUTION FOR TAINTED MARRIAGES


This is totally bogus. A recent study in Germany stated that people in "open marriages", have the third highest incidence of HIV infection, behind Gay men and intervenous drug users. If I were you, Bdb, I would get tested immediately for Std's.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Hey DJ

Could you link to that study? thanks


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I'll think about us right after my date with the OM, wow!!!

Don't think there is much to say. If you're willing to wait it out while she spreads her legs for him, you're a bigger man than I am (and yes, I'm a hypocrite). I hope you got tested for STDs if you're still having sex with the missus. If he's known to sleep with his employees, who knows what he's picked up over the years.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Almost two years ago you had an issue, I only hope that things are better. I'm sure they are wih or with out our SO


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

I'm reconciling myself. However BriannaK, it his her responsibility ALONE that she had an affair. It is NEVER ok to go outside the marriage to discuss your marital problems or to get what your missing in your marriage. Problems in the marriage may make fertile ground. SHe allowed the seed to planted and bdb548 has NO responsiblity for what she did. If they are trying to reconcile that is great. The first and foremost thing she needs to do is promise him that she will never go outside of the marriage again except with an MC or IC. bdb does need to look into herself and work on the things she was missing. BUT IT IS HER FAULT. She has shredded his heart because she has needs? If she has needs that can't be filled in the marriage - first she needs to tell him, then divorce him, then do whatever she pleases.


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## avenrandom (Sep 13, 2010)

...and the OP hasn't even been on the forums in 646 days. Thread is long since dead.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Like I said we can only hope things are batter after 2 years


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Jesus - i didn't realize the thread was that old.


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