# Why are men like this ?



## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

So I was talking to this man that lives in the city, I was going to move too. We would talk on the phone for hours, he would text me every morning and double text me. I eventually got board, and I stoped responding to his texts. A week went by, and he blows up my phone at 3am begging me to talk to him, telling me he missed me and etc. then he calls me the next day “sober “ tells me I should put in more effort in talking to him. I stop talking to him again, and he makes a private Snapchat story, adds me on it. Then he went on to post girls wearing his clothes in bed, and him out drinking with girls. Keep in mind we haven’t even met . Why was I added to this private Snapchat story? Was he trying to make me jealous? Why was he thinking of me at 3am drunk?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Men are not like this. This one guy might be, but most men are not.

He's like that because he's got problems. 

Have you blocked him from contacting you? Have sent him a message, email, whatever telling him to never contact you again?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Horny and drunk. Block him.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Horny and drunk. Block him.


We live in different states and haven’t met


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Becky_dime said:


> We live in different states and haven’t met


Are you saying that you can't block him?


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Horny and drunk. Block him.


Horny, drunk strangers- yeah block, unless you’re very, very lonely and a risk taker. 😂


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Becky_dime said:


> We live in different states and haven’t met


Don't you see how that makes it possible for him to imagine that you are the ideal sexy woman in his head?


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

He's clearly thought that your connection was deeper than it was. However, your post speaks as much about you as him. Ghosting someone because you got bored is pretty ****ty behaviour in my opinion. 

I think there is a certain reap what you sow quality to this post. Sure, you are not obligated to continue contact with someone, but let people know where they stand.

Its called being an adult


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Becky_dime said:


> So I was talking to this man that lives in the* city, I was going to move too*.* We would talk on the phone for hours, he would text me every morning and double text me.* I eventually got board, and I stopped responding to his texts. A week went by, and he blows up my phone at 3am begging me to talk to him, telling me he missed me and etc. then he calls me the next day “sober “ tells me I should put in more effort in talking to him. I stop talking to him again, and he makes a private Snapchat story, adds me on it. Then he went on to post girls wearing his clothes in bed, and him out drinking with girls. Keep in mind we haven’t even met . Why was I added to this private Snapchat story? Why was he thinking of me at 3am drunk?


*Q: Why are men like this ?*

A: When men invest lots of time talking for hours with someone and texting someone, they can develop an imagined relationship. Person to person communications to allow one to see body language, facial expressions and voice tone are very important to "real" communications. When men are immature or not very experienced with women, they can fantasize about a woman who may be moving to be with them, even if that isn't her real motivation. When they admit to a drunken, horny 3 AM booty call attempt, you know he has totally embarrassed himself. The Snapchat story is just an attempt by him to rewrite history is a less embarrassing way.

Now do the mature thing and tell him that his 3am episode scared you in a way that can never be undone. That you apologize if he feels you lead him on. That you are sorry if you hurt his feelings, but that you don't want any further contact with him and wish him luck.

Good luck to you.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Jamieboy said:


> He's clearly thought that your connection was deeper than it was. However, your post speaks as much about you as him. Ghosting someone because you got bored is pretty ****ty behaviour in my opinion.
> 
> I think there is a certain reap what you sow quality to this post. *Sure, you are not obligated to continue contact with someone, but let people know where they stand.*
> 
> Its called being an adult


Pretty sure the ghosting accomplished this. He just wouldn't accept it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It is not only men who can act this way.

Sad playing, madly forlorn, are those, oh-so-feeling, rejected.

Loneliness, laced with alcohol, can retch up those long suppressed, those desperate feelings..

Then arrives, the blabbing and blurting, out comes those precipitous, front and center emotions, they anxiety riven, driven.

Many of these/those outflows were first slow-cooked by depression.

At some point, they boil over and spoil the moment.

Over-frustration is the heat source.

Witness thou, these outbursts, judge not harshly, the sinner, the sender.

We are these frail made things.

Broken is real, tis' a state of disunion, one barely standing.




_The Typist- _ from his notes.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Becky, a dime for your time, a nickel for your commonly found, dating pickle.

To get the right dress partner, you must try on a dozen to find the cousin of your dreams.

When on the dance floor, there will be those that sweep you off your feet, but, mostly those who clumsily step on your toes.

It is the way of the flesh, that fresh meeting and meshing is not always felt smooth.

Please be grateful that others find you worthy, the opposite finding being so dreadful.



_King Brian-_


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> It is not only men who can act this way.
> 
> Sad playing, madly forlorn, are those, oh-so-feeling, rejected.
> 
> ...


But I’ve never met him. Drinking about a girl while drunk that you never met? Then to go and text her and beg to talk to her ?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I'm beginning to think there is something seriously wrong with YOU. Not trying to be mean, but this is your second post about weirdo guys that desire you. First was the guy that stared into your soul, was touchy feely on your first "date" then left abruptly. Now you have a weirdo stalking you via text/snapchat. Have you ever had a normal interaction with a man? What is your dating history like? You seem to have a broken picker when it comes to guys.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Becky_dime said:


> But I’ve never met him. Drinking about a girl while drunk that you never met? Then to go and text her and beg to talk to her ?


Youa re spending too much energy and time on this. You don't like the guy. He did some crazy stuff. Why are you wasting time and energy on this? Just send him a message as others have suggested and block him.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I'm beginning to think there is something seriously wrong with YOU. Not trying to be mean, but this is your second post about weirdo guys that desire you. First was the guy that stared into your soul, was touchy feely on your first "date" then left abruptly. Now you have a weirdo stalking you via text/snapchat. Have you ever had a normal interaction with a man? What is your dating history like? You seem to have a broken picker when it comes to guys.


I have  I’m just now in my 20s. I’ve had dating experience with other men including long term relationships. The guy in my last post attended high school with me. This one a mutual friend introduced us. My girls friends experience the same things, maybe it’s the gen z men ???


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> Youa re spending too much energy and time on this. You don't like the guy. He did some crazy stuff. Why are you wasting time and energy on this? Just send him a message as others have suggested and block him.


Your right


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Becky_dime said:


> But I’ve never met him. Drinking about a girl while drunk that you never met? Then to go and text her and beg to talk to her ?


Not to worry, you are not at fault!

Meeting and dating, um, it can be a challenge.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Becky_dime said:


> But I’ve never met him. Drinking about a girl while drunk that you never met? Then to go and text her and beg to talk to her ?


He has an image of you in his head that is mostly all his imagination. Without actually meeting, it leaves plenty of room for a person to fill in what they don't know about the person with the traits they HOPE to find, and so they fall in love with a ghost that doesn't exist. People also do this after they have met but don't know each other well. Mostly he was drunk horny and felt like being inappropriate, so just block him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Becky_dime said:


> I have  I’m just now in my 20s. I’ve had dating experience with other men including long term relationships. The guy in my last post attended high school with me. This one a mutual friend introduced us. My girls friends experience the same things, maybe it’s the gen z men ???


No, it's not gen z men. The behavior of a couple of men does not represent the behavior of all men, not even gen-z men.

What it these incidents might mean is that your man-picker is not working right, and you keep picking the duds.

Look at what attracted you to these guys and/or why you decided to spend effort on them. Learn from it and stop wasting time on this type of guy.

Both of them seem needy and behave oddly. When you see that in a guy, end it immediately. The point of dating is to figure out if a person is someone you could have a good, healthy, long-term relationship with. As soon as you realize that a guy is not a good partner match end the relationship. Do it kindly and cleanly. Give them a clear message and then block them. Others on this thread have given ideas of how to give that message.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He has an image of you in his head that is mostly all his imagination. Without actually meeting, it leaves plenty of room for a person to fill in what they don't know about the person with the traits they HOPE to find, and so they fall in love with a ghost that doesn't exist. People also do this after they have met but don't know each other well. Mostly he was drunk horny and felt like being inappropriate, so just block him.


Exactly. (Quoted for truth)

This is the problem with long-distance, via text/internet, relationships that we see so much of these days. They are not based on reality. It's a waste of time to put much effort or faith in them. Meet a guy in person as soon as possible. Turn it into a real-life thing so you can see the real person, not the text/online fantasy.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He has an image of you in his head that is mostly all his imagination. Without actually meeting, it leaves plenty of room for a person to fill in what they don't know about the person with the traits they HOPE to find, and so they fall in love with a ghost that doesn't exist. People also do this after they have met but don't know each other well. Mostly he was drunk horny and felt like being inappropriate, so just block him.


He called me the next day asking me why I don’t talk to him anymore. I didn’t bring up the drunk texts, until I brought them up. I did stop talking to him. I was just wondering why I was added to this private Snapchat story ?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Becky_dime said:


> He called me the next day asking me why I don’t talk to him anymore. I didn’t bring up the drunk texts, until I brought them up. I did stop talking to him. I was just wondering why I was added to this private Snapchat story ?


Because he is weird like the soul staring guy? Who knows for sure. It isn't worth the effort, but the only way you would know is to ask him.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Becky,
I'll treat you to my pithy old man opinion again. 
When a woman asks a question that starts with "why do men . . . ?"
The answer most often is because a significant number of women reward that kind of behavior.
Somewhere women are responding to him more when he shares his snapchat story. It worked before. So he's going to keep trying it.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

Mr. Nail said:


> Becky,
> I'll treat you to my pithy old man opinion again.
> When a woman asks a question that starts with "why do men . . . ?"
> The answer most often is because a significant number of women reward that kind of behavior.
> Somewhere women are responding to him more when he shares his snapchat story. It worked before. So he's going to keep trying it.


 I’m already on his Snapchat…
A private Snapchat is where you only want one person, or a selective of people to only see what you post. That means he scrolled all the way down and added me to it. Where he later posted a girl in his bed. He didn’t post it on his regular story for everyone to see. Just his private Snapchat story. Which I was added on to.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I apologize for not understanding snapchat.
I've never used it Because:
I'm an old man who likes talking to people in person, and,
I'm old enough to remember when it was the cheaters app of choice.

I have been a man for a long time and I flatter myself to believe that I do understand men.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

Mr. Nail said:


> I apologize for not understanding snapchat.
> I've never used it Because:
> I'm an old man who likes talking to people in person, and,
> I'm old enough to remember when it was the cheaters app of choice.
> ...


Your okay! it’s complicated


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

IMO, it's far better to try to meet someone IRL over the internet. It's harder to hide things. You're face to face and not speaking over the phone, text, nor email. You can meet some cool people online but from a personal standpoint, I wouldn't. It's best to move on from the guy.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Becky_dime said:


> He called me the next day asking me why I don’t talk to him anymore. I didn’t bring up the drunk texts, until I brought them up. I did stop talking to him. I was just wondering why I was added to this private Snapchat story ?


Because he's trying to make it seem like you guys have something going on even though you cut him off. That's why you just need to totally leave him blocked and not talk to him at all and not allow him to call you or text you or email you because he doesn't sound like he's going to stop.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Because he's trying to make it seem like you guys have something going on even though you cut him off. That's why you just need to totally leave him blocked and not talk to him at all and not allow him to call you or text you or email you because he doesn't sound like he's going to stop.


Why isn’t he going to stop? If I were him I would


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Becky_dime said:


> Why isn’t he going to stop? If I were him I would


You're not him. It's not because you're special or anything, and I don't mean that to be insulting. It's because that's who he is. I doubt if he even cares whether you like it or not or he wouldn't have called you at 3:00 in the morning. It's not about you. If you want me to get graphic my best guess is he was sitting there trying to think of something to masturbate to and was hoping if he reached out you might send him a nude or talk dirty to him or not hang up on him long enough he could convince himself he had a girlfriend. 

Listen you can't get too wrapped up trying to make sense out of these guys nonsense. You just need to regard off a behavior as a big red flag and cut off contact sooner rather than later so it doesn't escalate.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Becky_dime said:


> Why isn’t he going to stop?


Maybe he's just a jerk who likes to control the narrative. Maybe he likes getting under your skin. Who can really know what goes on inside someone else's head?

Can you block him completely?


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Maybe he's just a jerk who likes to control the narrative. Maybe he likes getting under your skin. Who can really know what goes on inside someone else's head?
> 
> Can you block him completely?


I did  
Before I didn’t I would still ignore him, and he would still send me random pics of his face.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You're not him. It's not because you're special or anything, and I don't mean that to be insulting. It's because that's who he is. I doubt if he even cares whether you like it or not or he wouldn't have called you at 3:00 in the morning. It's not about you. If you want me to get graphic my best guess is he was sitting there trying to think of something to masturbate to and was hoping if he reached out you might send him a nude or talk dirty to him or not hang up on him long enough he could convince himself he had a girlfriend.
> 
> Listen you can't get too wrapped up trying to make sense out of these guys nonsense. You just need to regard off a behavior as a big red flag and cut off contact sooner rather than later so it doesn't escalate.


Are convos have never been sexual ever. He’s never brought up sex. 
I do believe the relationship part, he told me he’s only been in one relationship that lasted 4 months.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Perhaps find some real live men to talk to next time, they won't behave like this.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Becky_dime said:


> Are convos have never been sexual ever. He’s never brought up sex.
> I do believe the relationship part, he told me he’s only been in one relationship that lasted 4 months.


He's a man, his mind is on sex. He's calling you at 3:00 in the morning, he's likely drunk and masturbating.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

re16 said:


> Perhaps find some real live men to talk to next time, they won't behave like this.


Not true, I have met men in real life. 90% of the men I meet are in real life. You can meet a man in real life and he still be weird. Nowadays younger women meet men on social media like Instagram and etc, not all but there’s a chunk. So it just all depends


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He's a man, his mind is on sex. He's calling you at 3:00 in the morning, he's likely drunk and masturbating.


Agree to disagree. He called me three times the next day while he was at work. He could be drunk and horny, but men usually don’t call the next day sober after something like that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Becky_dime said:


> Agree to disagree. He called me three times the next day while he was at work. He could be drunk and horny, but men usually don’t call the next day sober after something like that.


So did you talk to him or not?


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So did you talk to him or not?


Yeah I explained that is my post. So ignored his texts and calls at 3am, then the next day he called me once and I ignored it. Then another two times, so I finally decided to answer. He asked me how I was doing, he asked me why I don’t put in effort like initiating contact first. He told me a week went by without us talking, which I was aware of because I stoped answering him. He never brought up the drunk texts, I brought them up, and he told me to ignore them. He kept trying to talk to me which I ignored, and that’s when I was added to his private story. I removed my self from the private story, after that he would just send me pics of himself like every three days. I blocked him after that.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Becky_dime said:


> Yeah I explained that is my post. So ignored his texts and calls at 3am, then the next day he called me once and I ignored it. Then another two times, so I finally decided to answer. He asked me how I was doing, he asked me why I don’t put in effort like initiating contact first. He told me a week went by without us talking, which I was aware of because I stoped answering him. He never brought up the drunk texts, I brought them up, and he told me to ignore them. He kept trying to talk to me which I ignored, and that’s when I was added to his private story. I removed my self from the private story, after that he would just send me pics of himself like every three days. I blocked him after that.


You sound very young. Something that you should know about (most) men is that we don't take hints well. You might think ghosting a man is being clear. It isn't. You're leaving him hanging. If you want to make sure a man understands you aren't interested ... you have to straight up tell him you aren't interested clearly and without any wiggle room. I don't mean be mean about it. But do be straightforward and clear.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Here's something to consider. Maybe he's an alcoholic. I was married to one, and I can tell you never know what type of crap they're going to pull. And you will NEVER know why they do it. 

You dodged a huge bullet with this guy.

Perhaps you should consider getting into activities/clubs to meet people. Hiking, biking, skiing, dancing, whatever. It's a great way to meet people, and you might meet a guy who shares your interests.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

DownButNotOut said:


> You sound very young. Something that you should know about (most) men is that we don't take hints well. You might think ghosting a man is being clear. It isn't. You're leaving him hanging. If you want to make sure a man understands you aren't interested ... you have to straight up tell him you aren't interested clearly and without any wiggle room. I don't mean be mean about it. But do be straightforward and clear.


I’m 22


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Here's something to consider. Maybe he's an alcoholic. I was married to one, and I can tell you never know what type of crap they're going to pull. And you will NEVER know why they do it.
> 
> You dodged a huge bullet with this guy.
> 
> Perhaps you should consider getting into activities/clubs to meet people. Hiking, biking, skiing, dancing, whatever. It's a great way to meet people, and you might meet a guy who shares your interests.


I wouldn’t go as far as saying he’s a alcoholic. A lot of people drink and go to parties especially our age which is early 20s. Also a lot of people slip up and send a drunk text to, their ex or a person they have relations with but I fit and none of these, so that’s where I was confused. I haven’t even met the guy Yet lol .


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Becky_dime said:


> So I was talking to this man that lives in the city, I was going to move too. We would talk on the phone for hours, he would text me every morning and double text me. I eventually got board, and I stoped responding to his texts. A week went by, and he blows up my phone at 3am begging me to talk to him, telling me he missed me and etc. then he calls me the next day “sober “ tells me I should put in more effort in talking to him. I stop talking to him again, and he makes a private Snapchat story, adds me on it. Then he went on to post girls wearing his clothes in bed, and him out drinking with girls. Keep in mind we haven’t even met . Why was I added to this private Snapchat story? Was he trying to make me jealous? Why was he thinking of me at 3am drunk?


Men are not like this. What you have is a classic head case here. Run and stay the hell away from this clown. What in the hell are you thinking?


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Men are not like this. What you have is a classic head case here. Run and stay the hell away from this clown. What in the hell are you thinking?


What do you think is wrong with him?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Becky_dime said:


> What do you think is wrong with him?


Here's the thing: We don't know you. We don't know him. Yes, I was once 22. And I often wanted to make sense of other's behavior(s). The thing is, the older you get, the less you will want to figure out everyone else. It's better to figure out yourself. The more time you spend thinking about your own motivations, the better you will be at picking good partners.

As @No Longer Lonely Husband told you, the guy you've wasted time on is a "head case." IOW he's an asshole, a loser, a jerk. Why? What difference does it make? If you could crawl inside his brain and know why he behaves like a total jerk, what difference would it make in this situation? Perhaps you should ask why you're trying to figure him out rather than yourself.

BTW, as I previously mentioned I was 22. Yeah, I hung out in bars. But getting drunk was not in my wheelhouse. And I don't care if this guy is 22 or 222, he could still be an alcoholic.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Here's the thing: We don't know you. We don't know him. Yes, I was once 22. And I often wanted to make sense of other's behavior(s). The thing is, the older you get, the less you will want to figure out everyone else. It's better to figure out yourself. The more time you spend thinking about your own motivations, the better you will be at picking good partners.
> 
> As @No Longer Lonely Husband told you, the guy you've wasted time on is a "head case." IOW he's an asshole, a loser, a jerk. Why? What difference does it make? If you could crawl inside his brain and know why he behaves like a total jerk, what difference would it make in this situation? Perhaps you should ask why you're trying to figure him out rather than yourself.
> 
> BTW, as I previously mentioned I was 22. Yeah, I hung out in bars. But getting drunk was not in my wheelhouse. And I don't care if this guy is 22 or 222, he could still be an alcoholic.


Yeah that’s why I quit talking to him! Then he added me to that private Snapchat story thing. Like why are you trying so hard with a girl you haven’t even met


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