# Did he Cheat?



## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

My husband and I seriously only have sex about once a month and it’s been like that for a couple of years now. I’ve tried everything under the sun to get him interested in doing it more like we once did before he cut me off and said he didn’t want our relationship to be “all about sex”.
I’m sure you can guess it’s become all about the sex that isn’t had. 
At any rate, there have been the signs over time of him worrying more about appearance and always on the phone and so on but I’ve never been able to nail anything down. 
The event in question is a bachelor party trip that happened a week ago. During this trip I barely heard from him which was insulting by itself, I dismissed that as him not getting to see these friends all the time. Keep in mind this is a wild group. A friend posted a picture of them all the other day, the first thing I noticed is he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. He took his silicone one so it wouldn’t be a big deal to wear. I of course lost it and asked, he said everyone told him to take it off that they all did. That he didn’t do anything and was sorry about it, after prying further turns out they had women over and some men (married and not) were all engaging in sexual acts with these women. He claims he didn’t partake and that he wasn’t in the room that he hung out with a small group that didn’t get involved with that. I have a hard time with believing that because he has serious FOMO, and is usually in the middle of what that group is up to. He is desperate to keep that friendship alive since college and everyone moving away. 
Going through laundry today I found underwear from that trip and there was dried cum inside in a few spots. The only time I’ve seen that in his underwear before has been after we’ve actually had sex and that’s a little bit left after. 
what do y’all think?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Sounds like you nailed him to me.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

You should have shown him those and continued questioning.

He looks caught to me.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You don't want to show him anything and you don't want to question him because all that will do is let him know you're suspicious and he'll be more careful.

It's not like he's going to say "Yeah you got me I'm screwing some other chick". Cheaters lie, deflect, rationalize, spin, etc. 

If you want the truth you need to find it without any help from him.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Arbr14 said:


> My husband and I seriously only have sex about once a month and it’s been like that for a couple of years now. I’ve tried everything under the sun to get him interested in doing it more like we once did before he cut me off and said he didn’t want our relationship to be “all about sex”.
> I’m sure you can guess it’s become all about the sex that isn’t had.
> At any rate, there have been the signs over time of him worrying more about appearance and always on the phone and so on but I’ve never been able to nail anything down.
> The event in question is a bachelor party trip that happened a week ago. During this trip I barely heard from him which was insulting by itself, I dismissed that as him not getting to see these friends all the time. Keep in mind this is a wild group. A friend posted a picture of them all the other day, the first thing I noticed is he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. He took his silicone one so it wouldn’t be a big deal to wear. I of course lost it and asked, he said everyone told him to take it off that they all did. That he didn’t do anything and was sorry about it, after prying further turns out they had women over and some men (married and not) were all engaging in sexual acts with these women. He claims he didn’t partake and that he wasn’t in the room that he hung out with a small group that didn’t get involved with that. I have a hard time with believing that because he has serious FOMO, and is usually in the middle of what that group is up to. He is desperate to keep that friendship alive since college and everyone moving away.
> ...


Your husband is trickle truthing you... At first he said nothing happened, he just took off his ring - that's it. Then you pushed and he admitted to a little bit more. That's how it goes with cheaters. They admit to a little bit at a time, and almost never more than what you already know. So if you want to catch him (if everything else isn't enough) then you need to play dumb for a while. Don't show him your cards and let him think you bought his story.

He isn't acting very trustworthy, so of course you cannot trust him. One of the last bachelor parties I went to, before covid, was with a group of guys I've known since high school. They went out and brought back a bunch of women and there was cheating going on. What did I do? I didn't go out with them and as soon as the women showed up I went to my room for the rest of the night and talked to my wife.

Your husband's story doesn't hold up. Taking off his ring because his friends told him to? The next stage of his story is probably a lapdance or something good enough to explain the stains but not really cheating. And of course, his friends told him to  

You said he is on his phone a lot, can you ever get a hold of it? Do you know the passcode?


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Arbr14 said:


> My husband and I seriously only have sex about once a month and it’s been like that for a couple of years now. I’ve tried everything under the sun to get him interested in doing it more like we once did before he cut me off and said he didn’t want our relationship to be “all about sex”.
> I’m sure you can guess it’s become all about the sex that isn’t had.
> At any rate, there have been the signs over time of him worrying more about appearance and always on the phone and so on but I’ve never been able to nail anything down.
> The event in question is a bachelor party trip that happened a week ago. During this trip I barely heard from him which was insulting by itself, I dismissed that as him not getting to see these friends all the time. Keep in mind this is a wild group. A friend posted a picture of them all the other day, the first thing I noticed is he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. He took his silicone one so it wouldn’t be a big deal to wear. I of course lost it and asked, he said everyone told him to take it off that they all did. That he didn’t do anything and was sorry about it, after prying further turns out they had women over and some men (married and not) were all engaging in sexual acts with these women. He claims he didn’t partake and that he wasn’t in the room that he hung out with a small group that didn’t get involved with that. I have a hard time with believing that because he has serious FOMO, and is usually in the middle of what that group is up to. He is desperate to keep that friendship alive since college and everyone moving away.
> ...


Arbr14, first off, let me say that I am so sorry that you are here with your story. How long have you two been married? Do you have any children together? 

You need to trust your gut on this one. If there is one thing that I have learned from reading the hundreds upon HUNDREDS of threads on this forum, it is that your gut is almost ALWAYS CORRECT!

Now is not the time to confront and accuse him. No, now is the time to gather intel. 1)you need to get a digital, voice activated recorder to put in his car so that you can record his phone coversations. You can leave it there for days and it will record on a single charge, hours worth of audio. 2)you can secretly place a GPS tracker on his car, and keep tabs in real time via a phone app, on where his care is at. 3)you need to protect yourself from catching any STD's that he might pick up from prostitutes or any other affair partner. TRUST YOUR GUT!!!!! If he is having an active affair, doing the steps above should provide you with all the information you need to verify infidelity and move to divorce. Your husband not wanting to have sex with you is a huge red flag. Is he looking at porn? Is he suffering from an old war wound that caused him to become impotent? I have been married to my wife for 27 years and I still chase the poor thing around the house wanting to rip her clothes off. Him saying "he didn’t want our relationship to be all about sex” is absolute bullsh!t and you know it. Once a month and you are the pursuer? Something definitely smells fishy in Bangkok.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

*Arbr14*

27 years married and once a month (if you are lucky?) 

Something out of order with your spouse. As others have said, don't confront - instead start a secret journal (do it online and wipe your tracks off the computer when you finish.) Then shut it down. Remember Google tracks everything you do except how many sheets you use when in the toilet (and I bet they are working on that too.) - can not be to careful about leaving tracks. Eventually a picture will evolve. "Follow your Gut." 50 year old going on a trip to attend a "bachelor party" with "sex workers" and taking off wedding rings? As many red flags as a Chinese military parade!

Check phone usage? Bill? $$$$ spent? Miles driven on car? Time away from home that seems to be to long for what trip was for? And, sorry, get yourself checked out by your Gynecologist. HPV can be carried by males with no effect and be passed on to sex partners. In case of females - some strains of HPV can be deadly at worst.

Possible "trap" - plan a trip to visit out of state family or friends. Maybe a "girls vacation?" Give him some rope in other words.

Don't forget to clean your tracks to TAM - he would then know what you are doing and suspecting. Cheaters get "smarter" and become more devious in hiding their duplicity. 

I would say: "I hope this in just a short trip into juvenile behavior and nothing more." - but just to many red flags.

I suggest you have him go get checked out by his physician. In particlar for his hormones. Unless you are a beanpole or a blimp - I would agree with the poster about 'chasing around the house." Ask him to have you listed as someone who can be informed of any/all medical information.

Lasly - is he hiding anything else you supect? Drugs? Booze? to much "porn" on his computer? 
How is/are his relations with other family and local friends?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I don’t really have anything useful to add. I just know that I would have lost it too about the ring... well more about his behavior and who he chooses to value.

People cheat with or without wearing their ring. However, just reading your post made me think that I would personally lose respect - because he’s a grown man that apparently went along with the crowd in a symbolic display that shows he could value the experience/moment with ‘friends’ over what we represent. In addition, that he chooses to be around others who are comfortable/encouraging of this, as well as having (assumingly, based on what you wrote) ‘affairs’. Regardless if he was the ring-leader, no pun intended, or cheated or not, I could not be with someone who didn’t hold their own in a crowd. Which he obviously didn’t want to do. And that to me speaks volumes. Who we choose to surround ourselves with also indicates who we are. A diggable man is one who holds his own, knows his worth, respects my worth, and who we are together. I’m angry for you!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

bobert said:


> What did I do? I didn't go out with them and as soon as the women showed up I went to my room for the rest of the night and talked to my wife.


I read your post after I’d written mine.

Yep, all choices... you don’t need me to give you props, but for how you chose to deal with that moment, I will nonetheless.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Yeah...you caught him and now the stories start and the friends will cover for him. It sounds like this bunch is thick as thieves all involved in the same debauchery.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Arbr14 He wants to hold on to his college life. It's way beyond time for him to try adulting for a change.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Who pushed for marriage, him or you? I'm not saying it's your fault if you did. He sounds like someone who does whatever the people around him are doing or tell him to do. The kind of person who could be convinced by his friends that he'd be better off single.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Hmmmm. I'm wondering if she is even going to come back here to TAM.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

Al_Bundy said:


> Who pushed for marriage, him or you? I'm not saying it's your fault if you did. He sounds like someone who does whatever the people around him are doing or tell him to do. The kind of person who could be convinced by his friends that he'd be better off single.


I never pushed for marriage he was always the one talking about it. I never wanted to be that girl who was just dying to get married or didn’t know how to function without a man. I’ve always made it clear I can will and have lived and survived on my own. Also made it very clear that above all else loyalty is the most important thing to me. That if either of us ever felt like we wanted something from someone else to seriously just call it quits and let the other go. I’m not a fan of dragging anyone through the **** for no reason.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> @Arbr14 He wants to hold on to his college life. It's way beyond time for him to try adulting for a change.
> 
> View attachment 75203


I’ve literally had to tell him you’re frat days are long gone. (At different points for various reasons)


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

bobert said:


> Your husband is trickle truthing you... At first he said nothing happened, he just took off his ring - that's it. Then you pushed and he admitted to a little bit more. That's how it goes with cheaters. They admit to a little bit at a time, and almost never more than what you already know. So if you want to catch him (if everything else isn't enough) then you need to play dumb for a while. Don't show him your cards and let him think you bought his story.
> 
> He isn't acting very trustworthy, so of course you cannot trust him. One of the last bachelor parties I went to, before covid, was with a group of guys I've known since high school. They went out and brought back a bunch of women and there was cheating going on. What did I do? I didn't go out with them and as soon as the women showed up I went to my room for the rest of the night and talked to my wife.
> 
> ...


I do, I could check it when he is asleep. Something from the trip came up this morning and he wouldn’t even talk to me about it. He flipped and said we’ve already talked about this and I don’t want to have the conversation again. We spent two hours maybe on the day I spotted the ring missing in the picture and posted this. He practically ran out the room saying he was going to be late for work but then 10min later I noticed him actually pulling out of the driveway.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

Rushwater said:


> Hmmmm. I'm wondering if she is even going to come back here to TAM.


I didn’t think anyone would even reply to me. I decided to check and see this morning cause it all came back up this morning.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

Arbr14 said:


> My husband and I seriously only have sex about once a month and it’s been like that for a couple of years now. I’ve tried everything under the sun to get him interested in doing it more like we once did before he cut me off and said he didn’t want our relationship to be “all about sex”.
> I’m sure you can guess it’s become all about the sex that isn’t had.
> At any rate, there have been the signs over time of him worrying more about appearance and always on the phone and so on but I’ve never been able to nail anything down.
> The event in question is a bachelor party trip that happened a week ago. During this trip I barely heard from him which was insulting by itself, I dismissed that as him not getting to see these friends all the time. Keep in mind this is a wild group. A friend posted a picture of them all the other day, the first thing I noticed is he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. He took his silicone one so it wouldn’t be a big deal to wear. I of course lost it and asked, he said everyone told him to take it off that they all did. That he didn’t do anything and was sorry about it, after prying further turns out they had women over and some men (married and not) were all engaging in sexual acts with these women. He claims he didn’t partake and that he wasn’t in the room that he hung out with a small group that didn’t get involved with that. I have a hard time with believing that because he has serious FOMO, and is usually in the middle of what that group is up to. He is desperate to keep that friendship alive since college and everyone moving away.
> ...


Update: I didn’t see anyone replying to this so I couldn’t help myself and ended up asking him about the boxers. He said he took some time with some pictures I had sent him one morning while on the trip and that was left over from that. Thoughts? It’s plausible but I don’t know. This morning I asked him about something I was told that brought up the whole trip. A friend told me that one of the guys on the trip who I met after said he had seen my tits before (odd right!) so the only time he would have seen them was on this trip so I asked my husband if he had showed him and of course he denied and as he showed a group pic with me in it to him that is girls had sent (thing is we didn’t send one, I had my best friend send him one of me flashing him in the ocean out to sea so no one else could see). I told him that he stutters around. I’m not sure how it all came back around or what stupid **** I said to end up back talking about if he did anything with the girls that boys brought back to the Airbnb. He flipped didn’t want to talk about it, I kind of stared off into space trying to figure out what I believe and he snapped and said I don’t need you looking through me while I’m getting ready I have to leave in 6 min. I was like I’m not but I’m confused why your so hostile about the topic if you have nothing to hide, he said it’s because we spent like two hours talking about it before I told you everything I know and I don’t want to talk about it again. 
which I called him on cause every time he is caught in something or in the wrong heget hateful and avoids the topic and shuts down. He said no I don’t, I’m not doing this and went out the door. 10min or more later I notice he pulls out of the driveway. It’s been over an hour now that I thought he would reach out to even try to smooth things over but I haven’t heard a word from him.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Whether he cheated or not, you obviously have problems in your marriage. You might want to consider marriage counseling.

You may need him to take a polygraph.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Whether he cheated or not, you obviously have problems in your marriage. You might want to consider marriage counseling.
> 
> You may need him to take a polygraph.


He brought that up a while back more than once cause one of the married guys from that group was going through it with his wife. ( he’s one who has cheated on his wife multiples times now that I’ve confirmed). I brushed it off at the time, how can I even bring that up now? Is it as simple as saying I think we should try it and it not becoming a big deal and causing him to shut down even more?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Arbr14 said:


> He brought that up a while back more than once cause one of the married guys from that group was going through it with his wife. ( he’s one who has cheated on his wife multiples times now that I’ve confirmed). I brushed it off at the time, how can I even bring that up now? Is it as simple as saying I think we should try it and it not becoming a big deal and causing him to shut down even more?


Are you asking about marriage counseling? How about this?

"Our marriage is not going as well as it should. I'm not happy with the way you're treating me, and you're not happy with the way I'm treating you. I don't plan to continue this way. I propose that we get marriage counseling. I don't know if it will help, but I want to try."

If he refuses, you have even bigger problems.

Regarding the polygraph, if you're not going to get answers out of him, tell him that you're not satisfied with his answers, and that you want him to submit to a polygraph.

If he refuses, you have even bigger problems.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Are you asking about marriage counseling? How about this?
> 
> "Our marriage is not going as well as it should. I'm not happy with the way you're treating me, and you're not happy with the way I'm treating you. I don't plan to continue this way. I propose that we get marriage counseling. I don't know if it will help, but I want to try."
> 
> ...


I honestly think anyone confronted with a polygraph is going to think the person wanting them to take it is bat ****.
I was asking about the counseling.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Cheaters enable cheaters. If your husband has multiple friends willing to cheat then he likely is too. I know it is painting with a rather broad brush, but bird of a feather flock together.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Arbr14 said:


> I honestly think anyone confronted with a polygraph is going to think the person wanting them to take it is bat ****.


Good luck


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So here are facts presented:
Your husband has sex with you only about once a month.
Yet this same husband goes to a bachelor party and comes back with cum stains in his boxers. 
He is avoidant if talking to you.
You don’t trust him (biggest red flag there is)

Why are you with him?
What are his qualities you can’t live without?
Why do you care if he’s cheating (you’re in a sexless marriage anyway, basically)

I personally think that since you don’t trust him, he doesn’t even care enough about you to talk to you and dispel your fears, and he rarely if ever has sex with you—- why not just divorce him?

If you are so dependent on him and the relationship for financial support or happiness—- he’s going to know this, and he’s going to take advantage of that leverage and ONLY give you what he feels like giving. Sex is not one he wants to give to YOU. Dealbreaker? That’s how it’s gonna be. It never changes.
You need to figure out what your deal breakers are. 

btw, yes, I think he’s cheating. But it could be he’s a porn addict, he’s gay, he’s on antidepressants or heart medication—- any number of things. He doesn’t talk to you and doesn’t seem to care that you are emotionally distressed. That alone is reason to start exploring options other than being his wife.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Arbr14 said:


> I honestly think anyone confronted with a polygraph is going to think the person wanting them to take it is bat ****.
> I was asking about the counseling.


As someone with entry level counselling qualifications, please let me tell you that marital counselling if one spouse is cheating has little chance of success for a variety of reasons.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

Arbr14 said:


> I honestly think anyone confronted with a polygraph is going to think the person wanting them to take it is bat ****.


Given his behavior, it doesn't really matter what he thinks. Getting to the bottom of this should be a priority for both of you. Also, what MattMatt said regarding marriage counseling when there's infidelity is spot on.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> So here are facts presented:
> Your husband has sex with you only about once a month.
> Yet this same husband goes to a bachelor party and comes back with cum stains in his boxers.
> He is avoidant if talking to you.
> ...


So I’m not dependent on him and sometimes I wonder if that has something to do with it. He makes great money but I make 3 times what he makes. 
He has said a few times he think he might be depressed which is what has made me doubt everything I think because people with depression are up and down and distant then not. 
but none of that does anything for what happened on the trip to PR. 
I love him I really do. I guess what I thought life was going to be with him and what I thought we both wanted it to be is blinding me from being able to be sure. Usually my guy is 100% on the moment something is off. He’s so damn stupid sometimes that part of me believes him that he isn’t a good enough liar to pull this off. My initial reaction was believe him, maybe it’s all just because I want to believe him not that I actually do.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Cheaters enable cheaters. If your husband has multiple friends willing to cheat then he likely is too. I know it is painting with a rather broad brush, but bird of a feather flock together.


He claims he stayed with the good ones and didn’t do anything and one of them for sure I know would not be a part of that **** and would stand up to the group. He claims he was with that guy which is where and why I can’t decide if he’s telling the truth or not.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Arbr14 said:


> So I’m not dependent on him and sometimes I wonder if that has something to do with it. He makes great money but I make 3 times what he makes.
> He has said a few times he think he might be depressed which is what has made me doubt everything I think because people with depression are up and down and distant then not.
> but none of that does anything for what happened on the trip to PR.
> I love him I really do. I guess what I thought life was going to be with him and what I thought we both wanted it to be is blinding me from being able to be sure. Usually my guy is 100% on the moment something is off. He’s so damn stupid sometimes that part of me believes him that he isn’t a good enough liar to pull this off. My initial reaction was believe him, maybe it’s all just because I want to believe him not that I actually do.


I’m in the camp that he cheated. I found similar fluids on a pair of my husbands underwear. He got enraged when I questioned him.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Arbr14 said:


> He claims he stayed with the good ones and didn’t do anything and one of them for sure I know would not be a part of that **** and would stand up to the group. He claims he was with that guy which is where and why I can’t decide if he’s telling the truth or not.


It depends on what kind of frat he was in and how his brothers are. Degenerate corrupting morons are very fun in college and it is easily possible to get involved with all kinds of stuff you didn’t intend to when you set out. (Innocent whistling...)

If you really wanted to investigate it you might be able to get a local PI to figure it out. His bros (even the upstanding one) would never talk of anything that happened most likely.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Men and women are kind of similarly prone to acting like f-ing idiots when in large groups and away from their spouses, when there's no accountability. I would say the trickle truthing is a cause for concern, as is the lack of sex. My XH cheated on a trip to Vegas, hanging out with a bunch of other idiots away from their spouses. It's actually sadly common.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

joannacroc said:


> My XH cheated on a trip to Vegas, hanging out with a bunch of other idiots away from their spouses. It's actually sadly common.


Yep. I don’t go to anything like that because it’s already known that kind of crap is going to go down. It’s worth taking the abuse beforehand and then later when you’re buying them a beer because they’re getting divorced try to choke down the “I told you so”.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> It depends on what kind of frat he was in and how his brothers are. Degenerate corrupting morons are very fun in college and it is easily possible to get involved with all kinds of stuff you didn’t intend to when you set out. (Innocent whistling...)
> 
> If you really wanted to investigate it you might be able to get a local PI to figure it out. His bros (even the upstanding one) would never talk of anything that happened most likely.


This actually just jogged my memory and I forgot to tell this part of the story. So I’m in a group chat with the other wives of the husbands that went on this trip. He’s in a group chat with the guys. The day I flipped out about the ring of course I brought them in on it before he had even come from work. He was hit with this the moment he walked in the door. I’ve never been on high alert like that in my life. When he started caving to tell me that everyone told him to take it off without thinking I told that to the other wives and I’m sure it set their alarms off to (which is should). Sooo in the guys chat the other husbands lost it on him and called him a rat, snitch and coward. (He cleaned it up with them somehow) I didn’t tell the wives that part for obvious f***ing reasons or about the women that were there. Rat and snitch make sense if they think he told on them and he wasn’t a part of it. Coward stood out to me, would someone call someone else a coward for thinking they told on them if they weren’t involved. To me it implied he was in on it all and they think he confessed. That was the moment I stared doubting his story was the one word. Then I found the underwear after reading a thread on here to look for it. Next level of doubt added.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

So the part that didn’t make sense to me in your initial story is that he said anything about what other guys are doing or what went on at all.



Arbr14 said:


> Sooo in the guys chat the other husbands lost it on him and called him a rat, snitch and coward. (He cleaned it up with them somehow) I didn’t tell the wives that part for obvious f***ing reasons or about the women that were there. Rat and snitch make sense if they think he told on them and he wasn’t a part of it.


Nope, he should have learned a long time ago to never say anything. Usually someone who would break is identified early on and excluded so you must have threw him off his game pretty bad. 



Arbr14 said:


> Coward stood out to me, would someone call someone else a coward for thinking they told on them if they weren’t involved.


More like, “Honey I can’t believe WHAT THESE OTHER GUYS DID. I am shocked and appalled!” Classic misdirect. I’m not surprised by the language used. When I read your first post I was thinking “rat”.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> So the part that didn’t make sense to me in your initial story is that he said anything about what other guys are doing or what went on at all.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I’m not going to lie I caught him off guard and I went in pretty hard on why anyone would need to take of rings. I didn’t really let up. So when he did fess up and tell me what he did about the guys and where he was and that he doesn’t know what went on in that room cause he want in the room, it caught me off guard. My immediate thought was he’s telling the truth cause if he was involved sure he’s not dumb enough to tell me that at all right?!?


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

Arbr14 said:


> I’m not going to lie I caught him off guard and I went in pretty hard on why anyone would need to take of rings. I didn’t really let up. So when he did fess up and tell me what he did about the guys and where he was and that he doesn’t know what went on in that room cause he want in the room, it caught me off guard. My immediate thought was he’s telling the truth cause if he was involved sure he’s not dumb enough to tell me that at all right?!?


I mean If he were a part of it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Arbr14 said:


> My immediate thought was he’s telling the truth cause if he was involved sure he’s not dumb enough to tell me that at all right?!


No clue, he went way off the script.

I would have made up a line to explain its absence and not throw my people under the bus. During that time I would have used the guy chat so everyone would get their stories straight and then tried to destroy any evidence. That’s how these things are supposed to go down.

It has only been what a week? You can probably send whatever pictures you have to a PI over there and they can maybe talk to the hotel employees and maybe even trace it back to any women (if hired) and find out exactly what they did. The question is if you want to?

Edit: It has been a month I guess. That will make it harder.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> No clue, he went way off the script.
> 
> I would have made up a line to explain its absence and not throw my people under the bus. During that time I would have used the guy chat so everyone would get their stories straight and then tried to destroy any evidence. That’s how these things are supposed to go down.
> 
> ...


Which is what has given me pause the whole dang time. It’s part of what make me believe him. He knows I won’t spill the beans to the other women. I learned my lesson on that a long time ago. 
I do want to know the truth I’m probably the only woman on earth who does. He knows me well enough and knows I left my last relationship after years cause he ended up f***ing around and we didn’t have the sex problem, we never stopped actually. I will literally walk the f away and never give a person the time of day again. For real dead to me.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Hmm well you could choose to believe him whether he did it or not and then keep him on a tight leash but it sounds like maybe you have other issues with him aside from this possible indiscretion.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Go online and check your phone bill too.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Arbr14 said:


> Which is what has given me pause the whole dang time. It’s part of what make me believe him. He knows I won’t spill the beans to the other women. I learned my lesson on that a long time ago.
> I do want to know the truth I’m probably the only woman on earth who does. He knows me well enough and knows I left my last relationship after years cause he ended up f***ing around and we didn’t have the sex problem, we never stopped actually. I will literally walk the f away and never give a person the time of day again. For real dead to me.


Ok, but what about the jizz stains in his underoos? He just accidentally came in his pants?

There is no way to prove this. But if you can’t put it to rest, you could mandate a polygraph, just don’t tell him what questions you’re going to ask.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Arbr14 said:


> Which is what has given me pause the whole dang time. It’s part of what make me believe him. He knows I won’t spill the beans to the other women. I learned my lesson on that a long time ago.
> I do want to know the truth I’m probably the only woman on earth who does. He knows me well enough and knows I left my last relationship after years cause he ended up f***ing around and we didn’t have the sex problem, we never stopped actually. I will literally walk the f away and never give a person the time of day again. For real dead to me.


Why won't you say anything to the other women? Are any of them your friends? How can you look a real friend in the eye and act like everything is cool when you know their husband is cheating?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Why won't you say anything to the other women? Are any of them your friends? How can you look a real friend in the eye and act like everything is cool when you know their husband is cheating?


Valid point.

Would also like to add, your H is who he hangs with. I used to be in denial about this point too, but no longer.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Valid point.
> 
> Would also like to add, your H is who he hangs with. I used to be in denial about this point too, but no longer.


^^There are actually academic studies that prove this.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Arbr14 said:


> Which is what has given me pause the whole dang time. It’s part of what make me believe him. He knows I won’t spill the beans to the other women. I learned my lesson on that a long time ago.
> I do want to know the truth I’m probably the only woman on earth who does. He knows me well enough and knows I left my last relationship after years cause he ended up f***ing around and we didn’t have the sex problem, we never stopped actually. I will literally walk the f away and never give a person the time of day again. For real dead to me.


Suppose one of the other women knew what went on there and knew your husband did have sex with someone at the party. Would you want her to tell you or keep you in the dark? That is a fool's paradise. Why would you do that to a friend?


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Why won't you say anything to the other women? Are any of them your friends? How can you look a real friend in the eye and act like everything is cool when you know their husband is cheating?


I’m friends with all of them. I’ve been down this path more than once and the messenger is always the bad guy and never spoken to again. I’ve went through this twice with life long friends. They sided with their husbands and then when the ended up splitting down the road cause person was caught red handed they still never spoke to me again. Again this is another time all I have is my word. That’s never enough in the situations. My word isn’t even first hand witness of it in the case and the other times was.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Arbr14 said:


> I’m friends with all of them. I’ve been down this path more than once and the messenger is always the bad guy and never spoken to again. I’ve went through this twice with life long friends. They sided with their husbands and then when the ended up splitting down the road cause person was caught red handed they still never spoke to me again. Again this is another time all I have is my word. That’s never enough in the situations. My word isn’t even first hand witness of it in the case and the other times was.


It sucks that you lost those friends, but you did the right thing. Did you ever reach out to them after the split?

How would you feel if the other women knew that the guys were in a rented house, all with their rings removed and a bunch of unknown women were being screwed by some or all of them, and didn't tell you? Would you want to be friends with them after you found out what happened? You are letting them live in a lie. Do you think they will be friends with you in two years when they catch their husband red handed and they find out about the trip you knew all about? Or worse, what if 20 years goes by and they find out they have been getting cheated on for decades and you could have stopped it? You are being complicit in the cheating. You are, in part, enabling the cheating on your friends. You don't have to tell them to leave their husbands. You just tell them what you know. Just say hey, "did you know the men all took their wedding ring off and there were women there being laid by at least some of the men present?"

In a situation like this I try to put myself in the other person's shoes. So, my wife goes on a girls weekend with some friends, some of which are known to be cheating on their husbands. They all decide to remove their rings and call in a few studs to get naked with. Some or all them get laid or engage in some other kinds of sexual activity. First of all I would not have just said sure, go with your cheating friends to a hotel. Second, if one of the other husbands knew about those details that went on and didn't tell me I would be totally pissed if I ever found out they knew and the friendship would be over. What kind of friend are you that knows about this kind of activity and can then just go hug your friend and act like all is okay? Also, how would your husband react if the roles were reversed?

Honestly if I found out my wife purposely took her ring off while away overnight, the only reason for which is to hide that you are married, we would be done. She would have shown the intent to cheat, period. What reason would you have for hiding that you are married other than to show you are available? Even if she didn't end up cheating, that is what she was there for, just like your husband. Who also happens to not have sex with you more than once a month and comes home from said trip with cum stains in his underwear. And what was his excuse for that? He masturbated to a picture of you or something. So he won't have sex with you, but will masturbate to your picture. That doesn't make much sense. Also, he was showing another friend a nude picture of you. All of his actions show a total disrespect for you and your marriage. The warning signs are all flashing bright red, don't ignore them.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He took his ring off....., pretty simple what the intent was.
Cum in the britches—- not a good sign of sex with another woman. It would be in her, on her, or in a condom. Com in the britches is more like a lap dance with an extremely horny man.

you still have not addressed the once a month sex. There’s more to the story and one idiotic bachelor party thing with cum stains in the britches is not that damning, although taking off the ring and having those shows pretty low behavior, especially for a married man.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Cum in the britches—- not a good sign of sex with another woman. It would be in her, on her, or in a condom. Com in the britches is more like a lap dance with an extremely horny man.


Or a blow job, hand job, or sex with pants on but unzipped.


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## Arbr14 (Apr 26, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> It sucks that you lost those friends, but you did the right thing. Did you ever reach out to them after the split?
> 
> How would you feel if the other women knew that the guys were in a rented house, all with their rings removed and a bunch of unknown women were being screwed by some or all of them, and didn't tell you? Would you want to be friends with them after you found out what happened? You are letting them live in a lie. Do you think they will be friends with you in two years when they catch their husband red handed and they find out about the trip you knew all about? Or worse, what if 20 years goes by and they find out they have been getting cheated on for decades and you could have stopped it? You are being complicit in the cheating. You are, in part, enabling the cheating on your friends. You don't have to tell them to leave their husbands. You just tell them what you know. Just say hey, "did you know the men all took their wedding ring off and there were women there being laid by at least some of the men present?"
> 
> ...


Most of the guys who were hooking up with girls on this trip we’re single. One was married, the other was getting married. The soon to be wife to the one getting married, legit doesn’t give a damn if he did or not. Only one is really in the dark. We aren’t sure how to tell her and again not lose her as a friend. Your just showing how it’s different for men than women. Women tell each other these kind of things and the victim cuts ties EVERY time. Men they stick with their boys always.
I have reached out to the ones I told before that split over that very reason. I’m still the bad guy for bursting their bubble. Cause here is the thing they were never suspicious, they were oblivious. 
Cum stains I wish I could post a picture of what I found: yes that was his excuse. He does do this thing that I have notice where he decides he wants me when I’m not around or when we legit can’t have sex. I don’t know what that’s about, I call it being lazy.
Turns out the guy that said that about seeing my boobs before was full of ****. 
I completely agree about the ring which is what started all of this. 
If you are going to continue to fixate on if I ruin my friend life that would rather be in the dark or not, don’t bother replying and hijacking this feed. They would tell me if they knew anything because they know I want to know. We are not the same kind of women, they know that and I know that. I’m not afraid to be alone and I have no problem being alone if it comes down to it, I’ll live.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Arbr14 said:


> Most of the guys who were hooking up with girls on this trip we’re single. One was married, the other was getting married. The soon to be wife to the one getting married, legit doesn’t give a damn if he did or not. Only one is really in the dark. We aren’t sure how to tell her and again not lose her as a friend. Your just showing how it’s different for men than women. Women tell each other these kind of things and the victim cuts ties EVERY time. Men they stick with their boys always.
> I have reached out to the ones I told before that split over that very reason. I’m still the bad guy for bursting their bubble. Cause here is the thing they were never suspicious, they were oblivious.
> Cum stains I wish I could post a picture of what I found: yes that was his excuse. He does do this thing that I have notice where he decides he wants me when I’m not around or when we legit can’t have sex. I don’t know what that’s about, I call it being lazy.
> Turns out the guy that said that about seeing my boobs before was full of ****.
> ...


It is ultimately your choice, but I really don't get the double standard. You would want to know, but you won't tell a friend. This wasn't meant to be a threadjack. It is all relevant. You don't want to believe your husband cheated even though he went away with the boys, took off his ring and people were openly having sex in the rented house they were in. He lied along the way only giving you just a little information until pressed for more. You are also accepting of the other men he hangs out with being cheaters. Cheaters will enable cheaters, period. Even if he didn't cheat there are seem to be some rather serious moral and other issues going on here. I wish you the best of luck.


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