# Marriage of 3 months falling apart



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Last night was a big blowout for my H and I. Living with him is like living with a stranger. We don't talk, we don't have sex, sometimes we don't even sleep in the same bed. We spent some time together yesterday and ended up at our favorite bar having drinks. When we left, he was mad at me again. I'm still not quite sure what for. We don't talk to each other hardly at all when we're out like that. If we do, it's mostly a one sided conversation on my part. We got into a big yelling match on the drive home. My frustration is that he never talks to me, never tells me anything that is going on in his life. I try and try to get him to talk to me, and he always says he is going to try harder, but nothing ever changes. Last night we both lost our cool, said some terrible things, and now we're back to not talking again. Actually we're back to not even being in the same room or even in the house together. I'm sure he'll take a drive and not come back home until after dark. How that is supposed to help our relationship?? I still don't know. It's like he thinks time should make it all go away, but it obviously doesn't. Although he likes to act like everything is ok, he sure had a lot of things from the past that he is still angry at me. He definitely has not got over anything because he brought up a lot of stuff last night. But how am I to know he is upset or something is bothering him if he won't ever tell me?? If I ask him if he is upset about something, he says "No". When I try to apologize for something, he says, "that was last night, it doesn't matter anymore."

I really think my H is depressed and falling more into it each day. He even told me one night that he feels like "an empty bottle." He has no friends and doesn't talk to anyone other than his dad and his boss. He doesn't do anything but go to work and come home. If we go do anything, it's my idea and my friends. He has 2 kids that he doesn't even see, even though he has 50/50 custody. He claims he doesn't have enough time, etc, etc, etc, but this weekend is a good example of him having enough time because all he had to do for work is check water for the cattle once on Saturday and had the rest of the time off. He used to LOVE hunting, but I haven't seen him get his gun out to hunt or even to practice shooting since last pheasant season. He hasn't even really talked about deer hunting this year.

I feel like I'm at my wits end. We got married at the end of July this year and things haven't been good since that time....probably even before that. I want to work on my relationship and he says he wants to....but actions speak louder than words. His words just aren't enough anymore and I don't know what else to do.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

If he was the same even before marriage, why did you married him?
What attracted you to him in the first place?
It looks like something is really bothering him. He needs help. 
Did you talk with his family about him? What they think is going on with him?


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## Bigsigh (Oct 26, 2009)

This would be a really, really good time to read the book "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It". Pat Love and Stephen Stosny.

I think you can get an insight as to what is going on.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Deb* said:


> If he was the same even before marriage, why did you married him?
> What attracted you to him in the first place?
> It looks like something is really bothering him. He needs help.
> Did you talk with his family about him? What they think is going on with him?


It started getting this way just a few months before the wedding. I was planning the wedding this summer and he was harvesting, so I guess I figured that was what was affecting our relationship. We were both so busy and stressed. I'm not sure talking to his family would help. He doesn't have much of a relationship with his mom and she has never been supportive of us anyway. His dad is like his best friend, and I'm not sure it would be a good thing to talk to his dad behind his back. He needs to be able to talk to his dad himself. I have definitely thought about it though.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Bigsigh said:


> This would be a really, really good time to read the book "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It". Pat Love and Stephen Stosny.
> 
> I think you can get an insight as to what is going on.


Thanks! I actually have that book and am part way through it. I also got him "Hold on to your N.U.T.S." which he read and said it was very insightful. After he read it he said he wanted to talk about a lot of things, but that never happened. It's a great book for guys, though.


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## winter20 (Oct 26, 2010)

Your husband sounds a lot liek mine. On our honeymoon he said it would have been better if another couple was with us! Anytime we go out, just me and him, whether it be dinner, shopping, movies, etc - it's like dead silnce. I always have to make an effort to conversate. Sometimes I question why I even married him. I'm starting to think that we just look good on the outside - we're very social yet with each other so blah.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Winter-
Yes, that sounds a lot like my situation. It's like we just don't share anything. Last night turned into a big fight again. This time I didn't yell, just answered calmly. This seemed to anger him even more and when we got home he jumped in his truck and left. He was very angry and bringing up things that I thought we had already moved past. He never came home last night. Said he was too drunk and stayed in a motel. Now he's been shut in the extra bedroom all day. I definitely question why we married. 

I've talked to him about counseling. I told him that WE need to get counseling as a couple, but I don't think that is going to go very far until he gets some counseling for himself. He seems very depressed. He talks very depressed. He doesn't seem to like himself very much when makes it hard for me to like being with him. However, that hasn't gone any further than our talk. What do I do?? Make him an appointment for counseling myself??


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## Just Married (Oct 31, 2010)

OMG, when I read your post it is like Deja Vu. Like reading my own post. Only difference in my case is its my W who is the "Silent" one. Me too got married fe months back and initially I used to try hard to have a conversation on anything other than mundane things and she limited her part to occasional umm and hmmm. After some time I even asked her to be more communicative. Nothing chnaged and I am now exactly like what you have described your husband as.... except that we dont even fight.... 

You need to identify the cause for his depression, it could be that he is still struggling with "What If" and "opportunity lost" scenarios or was he living a single life for a long time before you got married? B'coz at times guys could get into that kind of rut where they do stuuf at their own time and not having someone around for a longtime can make people withdrawn at home thgh they ard social when they go out...


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Have you ask him if he wants to be married? Tell him if the two of you are going to make it then you two need to get help.


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