# my looser story



## alooser (Jan 3, 2016)

I'm a Newby here. Just wanted to share my looser story, and my bumpy journey. I met my now wife about three years ago through a coworker (lets just say she's from the Philippines). Before I met her I wasn't looking for a wife or anything (mostly mtgow), well this coworker decided to set me up with one of her wife's descendants. This couple have been a blessing and a curse at the same time. Even before I went to visit her I let her who I was like I belong to X religion and my type of work, to my surprise she was from the same religion and everything was good.
The first time I went to visit her, there no surprises, but many red flags that I wish I had acted on. The biggest red flag, no one had a stable job besides my now wife, and she was the oldest daughter. I remember on the way from the airport her cousin told me how my now wife paid for her baby brother formula and other necessary items. I thought I was the big man and proposed to her on my first visit because I thought all of these was just a fluke, how wrong I was. 
Several months later I returned to marry her in a civil wedding in her home country and hopefully a church wedding in mine. We had made reservations in a simple hotel to stay after the wedding mostly to stay away from everyone. The day we got married was one of the worst days of my life, mostly by myself, everyone was happy for them(huge red flag see below), most of her immediate family did not attend any functions. Then the day after she wanted to cancel the reservations because a different cousin was getting married the next day. After a long talk she agreed to go to the hotel. The next day we returned for her cousin's wedding and once again I was by myself, dancing and just spending time with my wife was just out; all of these leading to one of the biggest fights (mostly emotional) we ever had, that night we slept in her family house as the next day her and her family had decided to go to a fancy resort. At the resort I was super upset and angry, I was ready to call it quits, my wife complained that I never smiled the entire time and it was true. If anyone is asking yes I paid for everything, I'm just glad they didn't charge for the other wedding. The rest of my vacation was a little bit better.
Next was immigration and her sister entering college then her brother. Besides the waiting I had no trouble with immigration. The brother, sister, and her decisions have been another story. She decided mostly on her own, she would help her brother and sister to go through college (that was the easy part). She also decided to pay for rice and other needed items, according to her she would take care of those items during her stay in the Philippines. Several months later I went back to check on her, as still she didn't not her passport ready and help, then another vacation several months later and this is my latest vacation. Basically on my last vacation I told her that it couldn't continue as it was, she promised to change. Two days after my departure she had her interview at US embassy and passed, unfortunately I had to pay hotel for her and her two cousins and other charges made by another lady as this was far from her home. The same day she returned home her grandma passed away, guess who paid for many charges of the hospital and burial, yes me. I begged her to come here by herself and she didn't felt brave enough, so I returned to pick her. She had a very nice farewell and the next day an expensive day at the resort. Just wanted to cancel everything, I found the strength to continue as she was given a conditional permanent residency. Anyway, she came here and I have found a lot more about her. For example, she was just waiting for anyone to remove her from the Philippines, several months here she told me that she is actually a member of Y religion, her family comes first. During her stay in the USA, now she has more clothes and shoes than me as she wants to be shopping all the time and the handbags have to be x or y brand, this is true even if her family is asking money for student fees and other. I have told her many times that we don't have money and in fact we are eating into our savings. The sex became less and less as she said she had pain(see below) in the area and to be honest I didn't feel like doing it with her terrible attitude. She is one of those people where your opinion does not matter unless you are Filipino, I almost had to force her to go to the doctor many times until a filipina doctor helped with pain. I know for a fact she has paid for rice and other for her family daily items or for someone else as she makes up bogus student fees. Her family and friends here in states have been a blessing because they already went through all of these and I have seen their errors. For example, most of the money sent back to Philippines was used for drugs, shopping, cheat on their spouse, just to name a few.
Thanksgiving night she decided to return to the Philippines as another cousin was getting married, all of this time she has been very distant as I have said and shown her that there is no money. Just like always there is money for her family and their celebrations and I'm supposed to say nothing.
I'm not expecting anyone to feel sorry for me as I did this to myself. Most likely I will try to set up a meeting with a divorce and immigration lawyer very soon and see what are my options or if I want to continue with this craziness. Anyway, I will make and educated decision between now and the next time we see each other.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Sounds like she married a wallet. Good luck.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, you need to educate yourself with the differences of Asian cultures vs. American or Western Cultures. Filipinos have a cooperative mindset; whereas, Americans have individual mindset. You are secondary to her family. Your wife's family is the first and most important to your wife. You are expected to contribute to everyone's activities and lives. If this bothers you, you need to move on.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Just hit a reset button and move on. As Roselyn pointed out this is her culture, she will not change.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Maybe you can try being a tightener?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, you're in a lurch. You married your wife 3 years ago in the Philippines. Philippines do not grant a divorce. This is going to be one expensive marriage and divorce to you. Your attorney will have the answer for you.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

My first recommendation would be to tighten up your story a bit, and come back with a tighter story.

Joking aside, I'm also currently married to a Filipino woman. I haven't read your whole story, but I'm working on it. I will have some input here.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you want to get a divorce?

It actually will not be all that expense since you have only been married for 3 years. You can file for divorce in the USA.

If she is in the Philippines right now, you could have her served there. And then tell her that you are sending her stuff.

She lied to you about her religion. She is using you to support her and her family. Forget that!

If you do not mind me asking, what state do you live in?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes,
Why would you let this woman drain you like a dirty tub?

It's obvious she is a user and you have been doing this thing long enough. What are you getting out of this relationship, besides being used?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Do you want to get a divorce?
> 
> It actually will not be all that expense since you have only been married for 3 years. You can file for divorce in the USA.
> 
> ...


You can only be granted an annulment through the Catholic Church. The other is that you were not of mental capacity to take such an arrangement. You will need medical assessment in the Philippines to prove that you were mentally challenged when you married your wife. You must engage lawyers for a final decree of a divorce. You cannot file for divorce in the U.S.A. and expect the Philippines' court to accept the case. You cannot just serve divorce papers from the U.S. The U.S. does not have jurisdiction in the Philippines. This is a long and drawn out process as you will need to fly back and forth while the court proceeding is in progress. This is a very expensive process. Research through the internet if you do not believe me.

A relative is going through this process right now. He is an American citizen, but was married in the Philippines to a Filipina. My mother was Filipina and my father was American. My parents married in the Philippines during WWII. My father brought my mother to California after the war. My relative is running out of money for his divorce. He may have to take a pause until he gets his resources together. His process has taken more than two years.

This is a setback for most Western men. They marry quickly before studying the culture and get caught in this situation. Marriage is for a lifetime in that part of the world.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

On current updates on Philippines' laws contact: The Philippines' Embassy in Washington D.C. or contact The Philippines' Consulate Office in Los Angeles. They can answer your questions or direct you to the office who can assist you with your problem. Other Consulate offices are also posted in the web. Select the office which is most closest to you.


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## alooser (Jan 3, 2016)

@Roselyn thank you for your concern. Yes, I was raised (not Asia) in a similar culture, but not to this extreme. Let's just say I live now in the pacific northwest. If I decide to divorce, don't worry I'm not ever planning to get married again, that's it I'm done, so it doesn't matter how long it takes. Most likely regardless of the price, still cheaper than being married. My other option will be to also take advantage of the situation, but everything legal. Someone told me if the US citizen files for divorce in Usa it holds in the Philippines to an extent. I don't know if it makes a difference, that was one of the reasons I didn't get married by any church. 
Thank you everyone, I wasn't really expecting anyone to care. I was just looking for a safe place to vent my looser life. Believe me there is a lot more that I wanted to include in my story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

The best you can do is to consult with your attorney. Philippines is a sovereign nation and is not accountable to the U.S. by any means, unless there is a treaty. No treaty with the U.S. regarding marriages and land ownership. Truly sorry about your situation.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Sorry for your troubles. As they say, act in haste and repent in leisure.

Please change your username to aloser.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

alooser said:


> (lets just say she's from the Philippines)..



YA LET'S
:grin2:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Blondilocks said:


> Sorry for your troubles. As they say, act in haste and repent in leisure.
> 
> Please change your username to aloser.


I imagine that OP is referencing his loose wallet and being a financial cuckold.

The bad thing about bad choices is the consequences....the good thing about bad choices is they are after all a choice and one can make the changes needed to fix this mess.

So make the choice to change this and in doing that my friend.....that makes you a winner!:smile2:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Roselyn said:


> OP, you're in a lurch. You married your wife 3 years ago in the Philippines. Philippines do not grant a divorce. This is going to be one expensive marriage and divorce to you. Your attorney will have the answer for you.


But if he is living outside the Philippines then the Philippines idea on divorce does not matter
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

There are international laws that govern the world. Check with your attorney on your situation.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Roselyn said:


> There are international laws that govern the world. Check with your attorney on your situation.


INAL. I know nothing about divorcing a wife while she's in another country, having married her in that country. 

It would seem to me though, that you could just file the civil case, the papers can't be delivered, so you advertise in the newspaper for a month or so, and she's considered served... that's how we've handled a lot of other civil cases over the years. I'm pretty sure that's how you handle a divorce if one spouse just runs off too.

You may have to advertise in her paper in her country. Definitely talk to an attorney. I don't think you'd necessarily need the Philippines to recognize the divorce, you need the US Government to recognize it (jurisdiction where you live generally prevails over the one you married in, at least within the states). Unless you plan on visiting the Philippines again, that would change things.

I'd love to see some resources on what your family is going through @Roselyn; experience tends to trump logic.



> This is a setback for most Western men. *They marry quickly before studying the culture* and get caught in this situation. Marriage is for a lifetime in that part of the world.


At the risk of sounding like a terrible person, for those who follow Christianity or Judaism, the story of Samson and Delilah was a dire warning about marrying into another culture...


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Kivlor said:


> INAL.
> 
> I'd love to see some resources on what your family is going through @Roselyn; experience tends to trump logic.
> 
> At the risk of sounding like a terrible person, for those who follow Christianity or Judaism, the story of Samson and Delilah was a dire warning about marrying into another culture...


I listen to family members if they volunteer information, but don't get into their affairs. I don't want to have to loan money for annulment proceedings. They get into the mess, they should get out of it.

Many individuals marry into another culture as the Filipino culture. There are many beautiful facets of the Filipino culture. Just remember that this is a collective culture, similar to many Asian countries. My mother was a devout Christian and your story of the biblical Samson and Delilah would be far-fetch from her life.

My parents were happily married for 63 years and died in the same year, only three weeks apart. However, both my parents were college educated and knew each other's cultures. Their cultures enriched our lives. You must understand the culture of another person including their family dynamics, before marrying into it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

alooser said:


> @Roselyn thank you for your concern. Yes, I was raised (not Asia) in a similar culture, but not to this extreme. Let's just say I live now in the pacific northwest. If I decide to divorce, don't worry I'm not ever planning to get married again, that's it I'm done, so it doesn't matter how long it takes. Most likely regardless of the price, still cheaper than being married. My other option will be to also take advantage of the situation, but everything legal. Someone told me if the US citizen files for divorce in Usa it holds in the Philippines to an extent. I don't know if it makes a difference, that was one of the reasons I didn't get married by any church.
> 
> Thank you everyone, I wasn't really expecting anyone to care. I was just looking for a safe place to vent my looser life. Believe me there is a lot more that I wanted to include in my story.


I did some reading this last week on this very topic. There were some sites by lawyers who handle this type of case. 


_"For Filipino couples, neither of the parties may avail of divorce from anywhere in the world, the reason being Article 15 of the New Civil Code which states that “Laws relating to family rights and duties, or to the status, condition and legal capacity of persons, are binding upon citizens of the Philippines even though living abroad.” This means that, as enumerated by law, matters pertaining to Filipinos’ family rights, duties, personal status, condition and legal capacity are dictated by Philippine law, and these laws will follow Filipinos anywhere they may be. And since Philippine law does not allow divorce, this law goes with them wherever they reside. 

The above rule, however, admits of exceptions. One exception when divorce can be recognized in the Philippines is in cases of mixed marriages or marriages between a Filipino and a foreigner. In such cases, the foreign spouse may avail of divorce from his own country or from any other country which his own State will recognize. This is anchored on the 2nd paragraph of Article 26 of the Family Code of the Philippines which provides that “Where a marriage between a Filipino citizen and a foreigner is validly celebrated and a divorce is thereafter validly obtained abroad by the alien spouse capacitating him or her to remarry, the Filipino spouse shall have capacity to remarry under Philippine law.” 

The two elements for the application of the above provision are: (1) there is a valid marriage that has been celebrated between a Filipino and a foreigner; and (2) a valid divorce is obtained abroad by the alien spouse capacitating him or her to remarry."
_
http://www.hg.org/article.asp?id=20090


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