# just wanted to let this out...



## falcon79 (Apr 9, 2012)

hello everyone. i know that there already are a lot of stories here regarding the topic, but i have no one else to confide to and my mind feels like it's going to explode i just have to tell my story. this is going to be a long one.

in 2009, my then girlfriend of 6 years left to work in canada. back then, i wasn't financially stable and i was also monetarily supporting my parents so i couldn't ask her hand in marriage. she said that she's going away so that we'd be able to live a good life and be able to support ourselves when we got married. so we made a pact that we will be married after 2 years, regardless of how our financial status was. i didn't want her to go because i still believed that we'll still make it through despite the financial hardship. but i respected her decision. we both had work in our home country, we were not rich but we were not that poor either. still, she wanted us to havea better life so i let her go. we had gone through a lot in those 6 years and it was so hard to be away from each other.

the months went by. i tried to be available all the time via skype and messenger so that we would always be in contact. we both missed each other so much that sometimes i wanted her to just come home. long distance relationships are hard, but we tried to make it work.

october last year, she went home and we got civilly wed. we had several long talks during this time. she always said that a lot of things that changed in her. she said that she was sad because all through our six years together i did not ask her to marry me. i was sorry for that, and i explained that i was afraid to do so because i was financially challenged to support us and our future family at that time. i really was sorry and said that it was different now. i had a well-paying job that october and that we'd be fine even if we stayed in our home country. so we got married. it was a happy event. we were reunited. it was only a month's vacation for her and she had to go back to canada to work as she got promoted and i'd eventually be able to follow her in a few months' time. we lived husband and wife in our own apartment unit for that month. 

the night before she left, she wanted to stay at her mom's house to spend time with her because it will be a long while before she ever gets back to our home country. i already had suspicions that there was something fishy going on with her. she left her laptop at our place when she went to her mom's house. i snooped around and got my suspicions confirmed. i found proof of an affair in her messenger's conversation history. i immediately took screenshots of the conversation and backed it up, then sent her a text message about it. i opened a bottle of vodka and started drinking to help numb the pain i felt. she went back to our home right away to talk. 

she said that the last months before she got back were so lonely, so she started flirting with other men. the evidence i had was a romantic conversation with her landlady's son, who was already married and has a kid. she was renting a room from a filipino family's house, and the son moved back in to the householdwhen his wife got pregnant. i was so mad, so distraught, so depressed and with the influence of alcohol, i almost jumped out of our building. just to end it all. she offered not to go back to canada and just stay with me, she offered no contact. she was crying. and i relented. i love her, and even through the anger and depression, i hugged her. i said that it wouldn't be right that she doesn't return to work overseas as she also had a commitment to her company. and she wouldn't get her dreams of living a better life. she promised that it will not happen again. i let her go back to canada the next day, with both of us promising that we'll make a new start to our relationship. i didn't want her to go back, i wanted her to stay so that we'd be together. but i still let her go.

a couple of days after she left, i so wanted to be with her that i started preparing my own application to go to canada. it was sent within that week and told her that we'll be together again in a couple of months. i was so hopeful of our being together that i was willing to leave everything behind, a well-paying job, old friends, family (filipino families are very close knit), just to be with her. i didn't know what future lies ahead for me in canada, but i pushed through it all just so we could be together.

so march came and i finally got here in canada. i noticed some awkwardness from her but i put it to re-establishing our connection again. her landlady even told me that my wife was always practicing cooking food from our home country so that she would be able to prepare it for me when i get here. a lot of her close friends were of her landlady's family. they said the same thing, that my wife was excited and had prepared for my coming. we moved into an apartment unit not too far from where she rented a room before.

just two days after i landed, i checked her laptop again and was shocked to see new screenshots of bbm conversations between my wife and the other man. it was already in the recycle bin but she forgot to wipe it. again, i saved copies of those files and confronted her. she admitted to it but she said that she was just manipulating the person. i told her that she promised it would stop. the argument went on. we already had problems discussing how our sexual relationship would go, she saying that she isnt that inclined to have sex anymore, me saying that i so crave for her that i want her everyday, to make up for the lost time we were separated. i thought her reason was due to her maturing on wanting more of a quality moment with me, cuddling and hugging only. yet in the screenshots, the other guy asked her to make love to him and she said "anytime, i would." that really hurt. there were discussions. i threatened to expose the affair to the other guy's wife, but she said that it would not help us. in the end, i thought there was reconciliation on the condition that she stop initiating communication from anyone that's related to the guy. that meant all her friends here (except for the ones at work). i told her that she should have realized that when she continued the affair. so she complied. and i asked her to show me her phone when i want to check her messages, which she agreed to, too.

i never got full access to her laptop again, though. i was only able to log in to windows as a guest, very limited privileges to files and folders. she said that she didn't want me to look for something that i would just give false meaning to even if there was nothing. and of course, her friends, knowing nothing of the affair, continued to text her. these friends also belonged to the same christian church that she goes to. i let her reply to them, but i kept asking who she's texting because she's using the phone a lot. this annoyed her.

after a few days, i was able to gain administrator access to her laptop by bypassing the windows boot process and logging in as the default administrator. i was still waiting for the replies of the numerous companies that i applied for so i stayed at home while she was out at work. i reverted the setup everytime so she would not suspect. i then backed up the bbm files on my own flashdrive for cracking at a later time.

less than a week later, we had another fight. there was this niggling feeling that she really wasn't sorry that she did it again so i continued snooping and probing and asking her. and it led to a fight. i then decided to let the whole thing come out in the open. i printed out the latest evidence i had and went to confront the other guy in front of his wife. i wanted to let his wife know of the affair. yet, when i got to their house his wife was so kind to me that i my resolve melted. plus the fact that she was several months pregnant worried me that something bad might happen if i told her. so when i was leaving, i asked the guy to accompany me to the car, with a pretense to help me carry some of my wife's things that she left at their house. i then gave him the printed evidence, told him that i know everything, and warned him to stay away. he said okay and went back inside their house. i then texted my wife that i've done it. that night i drank. we argued. the next day, i prepared breakfast. after the meal, she cried and begged that we stop hurting each other and move on with our married life. as i still love her, my heart melted and we reconciled again. we agreed to throw away everything that was related to the problem. meaning, the evidences i have gathered. i found out that she destroyed her laptop so that there would be no more arguments coming from that thing. i deleted the evidences from my phone and my tablet while she was watching. w e reconciled... me so stupid.

a week later she got an invitation from one of her friends to attend a birthday party. she asked if we can go. i asked her, step by step, what will happen and who will be there. as mentioned, her friends were also friends with the other guy's family. so my questioning pointed out that the other guy will be there too. one of our agreements was to stay out of any situation that would entail her and him meeting. so she suggested that we go to the celebrant's house in the morning, while the other guy's family is still at the church, and we'll already be gone when they attend the party. i didnt answer. during dinner i noticed that she was annoyed and asked her why. she said it was about the event and that she offered an alternative so that at least we'd be able to attend her friend's celebration and avoid any contact with the other guy. another argument ensued.

the argument lasted through the next days. two nights ago while i was still getting the cold treatment i drank. then we had a discussion. we were running through the same arguments. it came to a point where she said that we should just separate. i went out and drove to the other guy's house to spill the truth to his wife and parents (her former landlady/lord). nobody answered my knocks on their door and my calls. they were already asleep. so i went back home.

the next day which was yesterday, my wife initiated that we go to the other guy's house so that we could talk to them. i thought she was ready to own up to the affair so off we went. when we got there. her former landlady opened the door and told me that it was good that we can discuss the problem. i didnt know that my wife already contacted them to initiate the discussion. the landlord was there, too. but the other guy and his wife wasnt. they were at church. i showed the other guy's parents the evidences i had.

the next shock of my life came as we were discussing. she turned the tables on me! she said that i was sooo good with computers that i had fabricated the evidences. via photoshop, she said! anger, sadness and loss of respect to my wife all swirled in me. she had come prepared to protect herself by lying to the people who had trusted and nurtured her for more than two years! she betrayed me again. i was laughing while she spoke. it was the only thing i could do. she also said that i threatened to kill the other guy, the former landlord's/lady's son. it was almost a farce.

the good thing was the old couple were reasonable (i hope). they asked me to print out the evidence via their own computer. i downloaded the files and printed them out. the other guy's father begged me to let him seriously talk to his son first and find out the truth from him. because they were all (my wife's friends as well as the family) in the same church, it would affect them all. their reputation, their integrity was on the line, he said. he said that he still wanted to get the truth of it all. so i complied. my main purpose, letting the affair out in the open to all those involved and have the right to know, will be done.

during the discussion, the other guy's older brother (former landlord's/lady's eldest) arrived. he listened to our conversation, checked the evidence and said that he will not take sides. he said he went there because his brother, the other guy, texted him that there was a threat to their family. after that my wife challenged me, if i was happy that i destroyed her from her friends. i didnt answer. i had no answer. i was sad that it had to be that way. my wife then said that she didnt feel safe sleeping in our home that night. so she didnt. i dont know where she stayed. she didnt answer my text messages. i sent her a text message answering her challenge. i said i wasnt happy, but it (the exposure) had to be done. no reply. 

now, this night. i got home and found her sitting at the balcony. we talked a bit. i said that i had to expose the affair to save our marriage . she said that a lot of people are now hurting, that i have hurt her so much with this action. i replied that i was also hurting, that we can still save this if she comes clean. that i had to do it. she said that it stops now. she said that she's moving out. i tried to talk her out of it, begged her that we will get through this, that we can still save our marriage. but she said that she just wants to live alone. as she turned to go, i told her that i still love her and asked her to tell me that she doesnt love me anymore so she can leave. she got angry and said that she wouldnt play my games, my schemes, anymore and she'll just leave.

i didnt want her to go so i sat on her luggage. there was a lot of shoving, clawing, and harsh words from her (one of them screaming "let me go!") while she tries to get it from me. all the while i just kept quiet (sometimes whispering to her that we can still save this marriage) and kept my grip on the bedroom doorway as well as her luggage so that she couldnt leave. she left anyway.

after some time and after a call i made to an unlikely friend (tell you about this sometime later), i sent her a text message saying that i'm letting her go. that she can get her things now or tomorrow while i'm out at work.

so here i am. left a very stable life in the philippines. left a family that i can always trust, friends that will be there no matter what. left them all for the woman i thought would be my lifelong partner. now in canada. left by the same woman. starting a job that will not be able to support all the bills, the utilities, even just the everyday foodstuff. not even sure if i'll be able to save for a plane ticket to my home country when my visa expires in august. feelings of guilt (it may have all been my fault) and remorse. numb, except for the instinct to keep on surviving, to keep on going.


so there it is. a very long story. i just have to let it out of my chest. to hopefully help me sleep tonight....


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## ChelseaBlue (Mar 5, 2012)

This is not your fault. Your wife brought all this on herself, you, and her friends. The blame is all hers and she is trying to transfer it to you. She is a liar and cheater. You are better off without her.

I hope you can get your life back on track, either in Canada or the Philippines.

Good luck to you.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

I am sorry you are here, this is one of the most betrayed stories I have ever read on TAM. I can't imagine what you are going through.

You must now begin the healing process as you know this marraige is no longer salvageble. You wife had completely turned her back on you, you must do the same to her, for the sake of yourself. 

The worst thing you can do to anyone who has hurt you so viciously is simply move on. If by all possible means, you don't have to have any contact with her, dont. If you continue to stay in Canada, get all her belongs out, and send them to the other mans house for him to worry about. Absolutely do not let her back into your life. You begged and pleaded for her to stay, and she simply left you. 

You know you cannot control anyone's actions, you know these actions are not your fault, it is her character that lied to you twice, and then sabotaged you infront of the other guys family. She is gone and she doesnt deserve another oppotunity to hurt you again.

Please do not allow your self to drink to remove the sorrow, but yet understand this is a new beginning in your life, one without a back stabbing woman who treated you with total disregard. For that, you shouldn't be drinking at all because of the pain. It only makes yourself look weak and battered. 

I wish you the best of luck with overcoming this, as I am sure you will, nobody deserves that kind of person, nobody. She is completely worthless and the faster you understand that the better.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Falcon, you have given a lot to this relationship, to no avail. Time to reconsider. So sorry for all your pain.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

She definately isn't wife material. If she is having boundary issue's so early in the marriage, what do you think will be like in the next 10, 20 years? multiple guys, kids from different fathers, etc.

Stop begging to her, you didn't do anything wrong. She should be on her knees begging to you, but that's not happining because she no longer is interested in you nor the marriage. 

Finally when she turned the tables on you at the landlord's house, you know who she chose to be with. Im afraid that's not you my friend. RUN, as fast you can away from her, and if you have a stable life in the Philippines go back there. The more you stay in that house/country the more triggers you're going to have and get depressed.


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## falcon79 (Apr 9, 2012)

thank you for all your comments and advice! i really didn't know what else to do since she left last night. i've been lurking here since a few days after the discovery, reading the posts so that i would get advice. i was too late to read the thread on how to methodically expose the affair and was too emotionally fried, that i wasn't able to handle it the right way. had i known this thread before, i would've been able to save my relationship. i wouldn't have made threats to expose the affair, giving her time to prepare her defense. it wouldn't have been such a bigger disaster than it already was. i do not know what to do now. 

i mentioned in my story about an unlikely friend. he's the other guy's brother. they (the brother and the parents) are good people, really. they didnt know anything of the affair and now they are becoming collateral damage. this brother willingly helps and encourages me to try finding a resolution to the problem. i do not know anyone here, i have nobody to talk to. he offered friendship even though i was out to expose his brother. he introduced me to his friends so that they can also help get things off my mind. they do not know my story, yet they welcomed me, a total stranger in their midst. i guess it's the only good thing to have come out of this incident. i'm grateful for the support i get from him.

so now i do not know what to do with all her things here in our apartment. she might get them when i'm out at training later, she still has her keys to the unit. she owns everything except the clothes i brought with me. i'm still hoping she'll return to me. as keko said, everything here in the apartment is a trigger to launch me into melancholy.

it's easy to say that i should just get on with my life without her, to start healing. but i find it difficult to do so. maybe because it's just day 1. maybe while the time passes, i'll be able to do so. there are those here who have successfully got through the same incident, so at least the logical part of me says that it's doable. in time.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Divorce her and go home. She is a out and liar and a cheater. 

You did a good thing exposing, you didn't hurt anyone. She did it ALL by having the affair.

See if you can get the marriage annulled due to fraud on her part since she was cheating the entire time. You know she didn't want sex with you because she is having it with him and didn't want to cheat on him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gofish (Mar 16, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear about all you've been through, Falcon. I can't imagine the pain and frustration you are facing! While I have no idea what the outcome of this situation will be, I wanted to offer some resources that may be of help to you. I work for Focus on the Family, and they have an associate office there in Canada. You could talk to one of their counselors if you're interested. You could also read through some articles here and here. The book, _Love Must Be Tough_, may also give some insight into your circumstances.
I know this isn't an easy situation, Falcon, and will pray God helps you through it. Take care of yourself!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Dude, she lied to other people that you photo shopped everything ? And you want her back? What is wrong with you? Your only fault is taking her back after the first time. I would give a street dog more respect than she is giving you. She is a manipulator and a very dangerous woman. She will destroy your life if you take her back. She is utterly shameless and a narcissistic liar. It was your good fortune that she left you. She will talk to you after some time about getting back. Don't do it. Don't even talk to her. Imagine having kids with this woman. You will be stuck with kids with a woman who is the town ****. Your wife is one of the worst cheaters I've seen on this site. Please don't go back to her. Block her on facebook and on your cellphone number. She will bait you sooner or later about getting back. Don't even respond to her.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I am sorry you are here. I think you are lucky that she is now out of your life. PLEASE DISCLOSE HER AFFAIR TO HER FAMILY AT HOME! and see an attorney to arrange the divorce or annulment. It is likely easier in Canada than back home.

Bet strong and get rid of this lying, cheating excuse for a woman.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You can take alot more than I can, that's for sure. Not sure how many guys could have endured all that before calling it quits.

She's picked them over you and you can't see it at all. Like others have said, time to move back home, call your old employer and ask if they still have an opening for you.

Or you can stay and suffer for the next couple of years watching your wife's every move like a hawk and hope nothing happens again. Not the kind of life I would want but others have done it and seem to be happy doing it so long as they have their wife/husband.


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

Oh wow, I keep trying to stop posting these kinds of posts....but.....ARGH! CAN'T HELP MYSELF!

Wow falcon, what a tragic story. Bottom line, you got played, and are still being played. Keep in mind I’m not trying to be nasty, but I don’t think you realize what a doormat you are. Maybe if I cut and paste some of your comments, it will become clear (if you offend easily, you may want to just skip my post entirely):

*she offered not to go back to canada and just stay with me, she offered no contact. she was crying. and i relented. i love her, and even through the anger and depression, i hugged her. i said that it wouldn't be right that she doesn't return to work overseas as she also had a commitment to her company. and she wouldn't get her dreams of living a better life.*
So after going to Canada and engaging in an inappropriate EA (and for all you know, a PA), your reaction was….to insist that she return to Canada, where she had her EA…because her commitment to her company and “a better life” is more important to a healthy marriage? She completely played you with her crocodile tears. Let me give you an analogy: when you take someone out for lunch and offer to pay the check when it arrives, the most common response from the other person is “Are you sure?” It’s a ridiculous question when you think about it: has ANYONE ever responded “You know what, you are right, I’m not sure. Pitch in half the check you cheap bastard.” No. That’s what happened to you. She gave you an “Are you suuuuuuurrreeee?” moment and her crocodile tears and kind nature convinced you to say “Yes”, after you inexplicably placed her career above your marriage.

*she promised that it will not happen again. i let her go back to canada the next day, with both of us promising that we'll make a new start to our relationship. i didn't want her to go back, i wanted her to stay so that we'd be together. but i still let her go.*
Yes, you let her go, because you are a “nice guy”. Listen, it’s OK to be a nice guy when you are in a loving relationship with your wife who respect you and honors you. It’s NOT OK to be a nice guy to a woman who just cheated on you: not only does that make you a doormat, it absolutely disgusts your wife. She made a cuckold out of you and not only did you do NOTHING, you happily sent her BACK to her lover. Why SHOULD she respect you now when you don’t even respect yourself? Why should she change if you did absolutely nothing to correct the behavior?

*just two days after i landed, i checked her laptop again and was shocked to see new screenshots of bbm conversations between my wife and the other man.*
Why were you shocked? Isn’t this the EXACT same thing that happened when she came home last time? Why did it surprise you that she did it again? In other words, what consequences did she face when this first happened to warrant a change in her behavior? Waving goodbye and wishing her well on her return to Canada (and her lover) does not a consequence make.

*i told her that she promised it would stop. the argument went on.*
Argument? What is there to argue about? Let me guess….she turned the tables on you and blamed YOU for X, Y, and Z (thus justifying her betrayal). There is no argument on having affairs with other men, it’s a manipulation tactic on HER PART and you fell right into her trap. NOW, the argument isn’t about her sleazy betrayal, now it’s about all of YOUR FAULTS and how it led to her betrayal. Look, we all have our faults…maybe you DO have some things to work out in the marriage. But that has nothing to do with your wife engaging in a secret affair: that’s ALL on her, but you let her turn the tables.
*we already had problems discussing how our sexual relationship would go, she saying that she isnt that inclined to have sex anymore, me saying that i so crave for her that i want her everyday, to make up for the lost time we were separated.*
WOW! So, your wife cheated on you once, then cheated on you again, then said she doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore (all within 6 months of getting married). And your response was to lament about how you crave her and want her every day? That’s the equivalent of laying down in front of a door so her and her lover can wipe their muddy shoes on you. Again, why in the world should she respect you when you have no respect for yourself? She just said she doesn’t want to have sex with you and your response is to grovel before her? 

*the other guy asked her to make love to him and she said "anytime, i would."*
So she _*IS*_ incline to have sex, JUST NOT WITH YOU! I’m not sure how much more direct she has to be in order to wake you up: you are being PLAYED! Maybe if you grovel some more it will help…..

*i threatened to expose the affair to the other guy's wife, but she said that it would not help us.*
OF COURSE SHE SAID THIS!!! A person who is about to be exposed will say ANYTHING to convince you to not ruin their fantasy. If you caught me stealing a cookie from the cookie jar, I’D TRY TO CONVINCE YOU NOT TO TELL EITHER! And frankly, it’s not YOU or HER or the BOTH OF YOU that exposure is designed to help (in this case)….it’s that poor pregnant wife of the sleezeball OM. I already know your wife is a selfish slime ball, but you too now fit into that category (in my humble opinion. Others will certainly disagree with me on this point) for actively hiding your wife’s affair and that of the OM from the OM’s wife. You are now their accomplice (at this point anyway…you DO half assedly confront later on in your post) 

*there was this niggling feeling that she really wasn't sorry that she did it again*
Gee, what made you think that? The fact that she did it again?????? I think your first clue that she wasn’t sorry (and frankly, it should have been a deafening trumpet blast, not a “niggling feeling”) was…that she went ahead and continued the activity after you guys got married and after you discovered and “confronted” her on it. 

*i wanted to let his wife know of the affair. yet, when i got to their house his wife was so kind to me that i my resolve melted. plus the fact that she was several months pregnant worried me that something bad might happen if i told her.*
OY VEY!!!! Yeah, something would have happened all right…you would have demonstrated that you have some semblance of a backbone and at least some dignity and human decency….but instead, you chickened out and offer the WEAK excuse above as the reason. You are in such denial, you can’t admit that you aren’t the ONLY one who was made a cuckold………..and yet you do nothing to inform the other, blissfully ignorant person.

*i asked the guy to accompany me to the car, with a pretense to help me carry some of my wife's things that she left at their house. i then gave him the printed evidence, told him that i know everything, and warned him to stay away. he said okay and went back inside their house.*
So rather than give the info the the guys wife, who could actually affect this entire situation, you instead gave it to the one dude who will do NOTHING about it, in whose best interests it is to manipulate it, alter it, destroy it, or use it to his own advantage. You also gave him a copy of YOUR EVIDENCE, so now he can (and based on your future posts, he already has done this) shape the story to FIT the evidence. You should have given the evidence to his family FIRST. Now, this guy KNOWS you are a coward and a pushover…you couldn’t even bring the info up to his wife. You just calmly informed him that you know what’s going on…..but you also, indirectly, informed him that you’re going to do NOTHING about it. Oh, and by the way, here's a copy of all of the evidence in case you need time to come up with a story of how bat$hlt crazy I am....also, you'll need to compare my evidence with what is on your phone and computer so you can destroy it and claim that I made this all up. Aren't I a nice guy for protecting the feelings of the woman you are cheating on, and the woman you are cheating with (who happens to be my wife)?

*i then texted my wife that i've done it.*
Another mistake. You shouldn’t have said ANYTHIG to your wife. That way, when she came home infuriated at you, you would know for certain (not that you would do anything about it) that she is STILL TALKING to the OM.

*that night i drank. we argued. the next day, i prepared breakfast. after the meal, she cried and begged that we stop hurting each other and move on with our married life.*
Consequence of multiple affairs and disrespect: breakfast made to order. <<<facepalm>>> More blame shifting from her as well….are you hurting her when SHE chooses to go out and f’ other men? Whose fault is the hurt from the affair? (pssst…..it’s not you). It seems she hurts you when she has an affair, and you hurt her…..by confronting her about her affairs. Do you not see this?

*as i still love her, my heart melted and we reconciled again. we agreed to throw away everything that was related to the problem.*
So you essentially did the same thing as the first 2 times: NOTHING.

*she said that i was sooo good with computers that i had fabricated the evidences. via photoshop, she said! anger, sadness and loss of respect to my wife all swirled in me. she had come prepared to protect herself by lying to the people who had trusted and nurtured her for more than two years! she betrayed me again.
*
Hmmm, I wonder what your response to this ultimate betrayal….that happened IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE, and was intended to HUMILIATE YOU….let’s see how you reacted…

*she said that she's moving out. i tried to talk her out of it, begged her that we will get through this, that we can still save our marriage.*
SO your reaction to 3 affairs (I’m counting the three separate incidents where you “discovered” affair like activity), lies, cheating, your wife’s attempt to frame you and humiliate you in front of her lovers family….IS TO BEG HER TO STAY!!!! 
*she got angry and said that she wouldn’t play my games, my schemes, anymore and she'll just leave.*
LOL, the funny thing is, she has NEVER played your games; you don’t have ANY games to play apparently. You’ve been consistently playing HER games though….and losing.

WHEW. Ok, all that said, you probably think I am a gigantic a-hole, and maybe you are right (lol). But my goal wasn’t to make you feel down…ITS TO PISS YOU THE HELL OFF SO YOUN REALIZE HOW USED AND ABUSED YOU’VE BEEN, some of it on your own account.
You seem like an incredibly nice man, and that’s a good thing: but you shacked up with an incredibly manipulative woman who knows you are a nice guy and she knows NOTHING she does will ever warrant consequences because you are a pushover (not intending to personally insult you, but what else would you characterize yourself as in the context of this post???). She knows that whatever she does, she can get you to sit on her luggage, to cry, and beg. If you still feel, after reading all of this and after posting about her behavior, that she is your ideal woman and is worth saving…..then go with god my son and be “happy”. But if this is pissing you off, I think you should listen to that feeling, grab hold of it, un-tuck those testicles, and man up. This chick has PLAYED you: she has preyed upon your nice qualities. You deserve to find someone who respects you and who will keep their promises.
However, I suspect you won’t find that person until you learn to RESPECT YOURSELF. When you can answer the question of “Why do I put up with this behavior? Why do I let her treat me like a dog? Why do I put up with being abused?”, then you can begin to discover what it is about yourself that is causing such self-esteem issues, and such a lack of respect for yourself. 

I honestly wish you the best of luck and hope my post wasn’t too offensive, but rather jarring and awakening: as I’ve mentioned in other posts, it’s hard responding to things that some of us can identify with, and I HONESTLY BELIEVE most BS’s are in their own fog that can often be as thick as their WS’s fog: a good slap in the face and a solid dose of reality are often times the ONLY remedies. However that’s just my opinion and you are free to ignore my post entirely if it offends 


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## falcon79 (Apr 9, 2012)

@everyone
thanks for the feedback. it helps making me put my feet forward step-by-painful-step. it's progress for me

@KirkSpock
your comments are appreciated man. i myself would've reacted the same way had i not experienced it. i do not know if you've been in a similar situation and just sharing how you have dealt with it, or have already learned the lessons by reading the other people's experiences here (lucky you). but yeah, i admit that it's different when i was in the midst of it. it was hard to think clearly. reading your post, you were almost successful in making me pissed off to hell, not to you but to what happened. 
yet, i still find it in me to want to make my marriage work. to hope that the girl i knew still had the the integrity that i have loved her for. i guess time changes everything, for better or for worse.
so yeah, thank you for your comment man


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## falcon79 (Apr 9, 2012)

oh, and an update:

my wife sent me a text message saying that she'll have both electricity and internet get disconnected as she doesnt deserve this abuse from me. these are under her name as she was the one who had set it up prior to me moving. having arrived here in canada with almost nothing but the clothes in my luggage, i do not know how i will be able to pay for the expenses. i was at my new job starting my training when she sent me that. i replied with what i said above (the almost nothing part) and that it was cruel for her to leave me like this. she replied that i should just go home to our home country to cool things down, because she was still hurt by me exposing the affair, and maybe just go back here when everything's settled down.

and the OM's father texted me. he said that the OM denied the affair and the parents believed him. the father said that he knows his son very well and trusts him. so i just replied that i respect his decision and thanked him for treating my wife as his daughter for the two years she had lived with them. there's no use arguing with him.

oh, happy day!


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

integrity??? what intergrity!! go back home to your native land, as you are mentioning you dont have anything there, and you are financially unable to provide for yourself. Your wife is a complete fool to keep blaming you for her actions! 

I would expose this to her family back home and ask them for the funds to pay for your ticket back.


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

Falcon, thanks for your kind reply (especially since my post was so obnoxious, although that was intentional). i completely appreciate that it's incredibly easy for me to sit back, completely unattached emotionally to you or your predicament, and offer harsh criticism. So please take heart in that the "experts" here are experts because....they probably made the same mistakes that are being made by you, which is why they can spot them so easily (and rail on your for making them). YOU are in the thick of things right now and I understand that 

Take heart that, some time in the future (everyone here of course is hoping its sooner rather than later), you will look back at all of this and facepalm yourself for the mistakes you've made, and wonder why you ever made them in the first place. THAT'S NOT A BAD THING AT ALL, but it's going to be rough until you can get to that place, and I think seriously listening to the posters on TAM and digesting their advice might make that road a little smoother.
I wish you the best; your much too nice of a man to be treated like this, and if you ever start to falter back into doormat mode, re-read my post and get riled up again


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Who's name is the lease in? You can try subletting the apartment to other people. Check your local craiglist equivalent. See if you can get a cheaper accommodation. Check if you can get out of the lease.

Do you have any money with you?

And why are you talking and begging her? It is almost like you spoiled her with your subservient attitude. You catch her cheating and she made you look like a paranoid husband in front of community and is trying to kick you out of the country. Stop talking to her.


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## falcon79 (Apr 9, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Who's name is the lease in? You can try subletting the apartment to other people. Check your local craiglist equivalent. See if you can get a cheaper accommodation. Check if you can get out of the lease.
> 
> Do you have any money with you?
> 
> And why are you talking and begging her? It is almost like you spoiled her with your subservient attitude. You catch her cheating and she made you look like a paranoid husband in front of community and is trying to kick you out of the country. Stop talking to her.


subletting the unit is against the lease contract that both of us signed. as for money, i have around CAD$100 my pocket for day-to-day living, but check my post further for an update.
as for talking and begging her, i'm not one to rescind my marriage vows after i made them. i have been leery of marriages in the first place. having step-siblings, i didn't put much meaning in the principle of monogamy. but when i decided that i will marry my long-time partner, it entailed that i destroy my notion that "marriages don't work" and commit to it. to confirm that this woman is the one i will spend the rest of my life with, exclusively. well, we've been living together for 6 years back in the philippines, whose people sometimes do not approve of this concept, but we still committed to it. sometimes love makes us do illogical/irrational things, i guess.
so i have let the truth of the affair out in the open, to save my marriage, and their lie prevailed. at least i live knowing that the task i set to accomplish (exposing the affair to the other guy's family, whether they believe it or not) is done. if they want to side with my wife's and the other guy's lie, then it's not my loss. at least i'll be able to sleep peacefully regarding this matter. we have a saying back home: "lahat ng baho ay lalabas kahit paano mo itago ito."

@KirkSpock
c'mon man, don't quit on me, too :nono: your comments help me stay in the narrow path.


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