# So... do you think it is cheating if you are not divorced?



## Bcando (Jan 29, 2011)

So.. I would like everyone's opinion...is it cheating when you are just seperated? I personally feel... I took vows and it would be "wrong" if I had sex with someone else if I were not actually divorced..to me, being faithful while seperated shows you are willing to work it out...why do others feel it is just a "hall pass" ? This is just my opinion, but would love to hear other's opinion and reasons for their thoughts..


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## kirby32 (Feb 21, 2011)

I agree that if a couple is still married then it would be cheating to be with anyone else during that time. If you want out, get out.


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## Bcando (Jan 29, 2011)

Thanks Kirby...if we are alone in our thinking then at least I am not alone and either are you...thanks..


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If you plan to try and work it our or are separated to "get your head together", then I think that you should remain faithful. After all, how can you work our your differences if you're boinking someone else?
However, if you are divorcing and just waiting for the legal process to run its course, then I don't think that you are morally obligated to your spouse. The marriage is over, move on.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

DanF said:


> However, if you are divorcing and just waiting for the legal process to run its course, then I don't think that you are morally obligated to your spouse. The marriage is over, move on.


DanF, I'm sorry, but i would have to disagree with you. You say that if one is seperated and getting divorced, you are not morally obligated. Morals means doing what is right, not doing what you feel is right. Morals mean that you wait until you are not married before getting involved with someone else. Morally and legally, a person is still married. That means they should not be sleeping with anyone else.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> DanF, I'm sorry, but i would have to disagree with you. You say that if one is seperated and getting divorced, you are not morally obligated. Morals means doing what is right, not doing what you feel is right. Morals mean that you wait until you are not married before getting involved with someone else. Morally and legally, a person is still married. That means they should not be sleeping with anyone else.


Bcando asked for an opinion, that was mine. No one has to agree with it.

I once heard someone say, "An opinion is like an a$$hole. Everyone has one and most of them stink."


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

DanF said:


> Bcando asked for an opinion, that was mine. No one has to agree with it.
> 
> I once heard someone say, "An opinion is like an a$$hole. Everyone has one and most of them stink."


I guess an apology would be in order. She did ask for an opinion. I don't agree with it, but it is your opinion. I'm just a person who believes in doing what's right in spite of popular beliefs or opinions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> I guess an apology would be in order. She did ask for an opinion. I don't agree with it, but it is your opinion. I'm just a person who believes in doing what's right in spite of popular beliefs or opinions.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No apology necessary.
We just have a difference of opinion.

I guess I feel that once both people understand that the marriage is over, there is no moral obligation as lovers anymore. There may be legal obligations until and after the divorce as well as moral obligations relating to children, alimony, etc.
But as lovers, it's over.


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## SoCalKat (Mar 2, 2011)

Legally, it would be considered adultery in most states and could seriously hurt you in divorce court.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

DanF said:


> No apology necessary.
> We just have a difference of opinion.
> 
> I guess I feel that once both people understand that the marriage is over, there is no moral obligation as lovers anymore. There may be legal obligations until and after the divorce as well as moral obligations relating to children, alimony, etc.
> But as lovers, it's over.


I agree. In some states, it takes a year of seperation before you can even file. If you have a case where one person is dragging their feet, not cooperating, it can take YEARS. Why shouldn't someone date during that time? At that point, it's just a legal issue.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

SoCalKat said:


> Legally, it would be considered adultery in most states and could seriously hurt you in divorce court.


And while that may be true, once a property settlement agreement is signed and the two are not living under the same roof, you would be hard pressed to find a judge who would really care. At least in my state, where you have to seperated a year with witness corroboration to file. Trust me, in this economy if you can go through the trouble and expense of seperate residences for that long, you want out and it's over. Why should any aspect of someone's life be controlled by an angry, resentful soon-to-be ex-spouse at that point? They should be allowed to prevent you from moving on? I have a friend going through it right now... she suffered at the hands of her ex for so long, then finally got the courage. He's dragged out the divorce for 3 years in court. Now she's met someone and he's trying to derail that. Does anyone think that's fair? Are they really still "married"? They don't have a relationship at all at this point.

I think I would feel differently about this issue if a divorce could be final within 30 days like in some places. That's different and not really enough time for both parties to be sure, in my opinion.


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## debrajean (Dec 27, 2007)

There are different situations for every relationship, I believe that once one spouse has moved out of the family home and filed for divorce, the marriage, in essence is over.


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## Confused-Wife (Jan 26, 2011)

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks on the matter. It's the agreement that the couple makes to each other. If you feel that seeing other people is unacceptable during your separation, then you should relay that information to your partner. Your partner will either agree or disagree. Either way, boundaries need to be set so everyone has the same expectations on how the separation will work.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

If you tell your husband, you are not cheating.


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## spartan (Jun 8, 2010)

it depends I would say based on the reasoning for the separation, length and other variables.

Those are rules that I think should be placed while you are planning the separation. If you both agree to date during that time, then in my opinion it is not cheating. Can get ugly if one party doesn't agree to dating then you would have to respect your partners wishes if you hope to come back to reconciliation.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm with Dan... Dating while separated for recounciliation purposes is a bad idea. Otherwise, get on with your life. But discretion is likely the smart approach, as there will likely be hard feelings if one spouse feels ready to move on and the other one doesn't. And even if it isn't legally a problem, I can see how it might turn what would be an amicable divorce into a nasty blood-bath.

Keep in mind that I'm separated, and dating someone casually... So my opinion is likely more than a little biased. And I definitely am aware that this relationship is likely making it less likely that I'd consider getting back together with my stbx, even though there was no talk about recounciling as part of the separation.

C


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