# Is he cheating?



## runninghot (Aug 23, 2012)

I'm not sure if my husband cheated or not. I'm military and he's ex-military. While I was deployed he started talking suicide and ended up in a hospital. I was able to come home on emergency leave. But while he's in the hospital he makes friends with this bi-polar girl. I guess they were writting to each other everyday he was there. Then he starts talking about how I'm the cause of all his problems, and that he wants to leave me and move in with this girl. Though he insists she's just a friend and he would only move in with her because he has nowhere else to go. Well once he comes home from the hospital we start going to counseling together and working on stuff but he's still talking to this girl constantly. Finally he ends up getting drunk at her house while I'm at work and he doesn't come home that night. Though he insists nothing happend, I'm fed up at this point and we get in an argument where I tell him he has to cease all contact with her or I'll leave. So he calls her up to tell her he's not going to talk to her anymore, and he's standing right in front of me so I hear when he starts laughing and joking about what a "crazy *****" I am and continues on like that for awhile. Then after he hangs up we go online and block her number so I know it's done, though he still insists I'm overreacting and nothing happend. So I try to take his word for it and move on. I go back to my deployment and after a month or so he tells me he wants to move out. So he moves into a hotel and we agree we won't see other people during our separation because he's not sure if he wants a divorce. So I just give him space. Well then right before I come home I call him and he's at a bar drunk, he says he's hit it off with the bartender who he says is a guy but later starting using her and she, he says he bought her a drink and it's going well. I get upset over this and he hangs up and turns off his phone, again I don't know if anything happend. He told me later that there wasn't really any girl at the bar, that he just said those things because he didn't want to talk to me at the time. Now he's been spending a lot of time at home and talking about working on things. But I don't know if I should trust him? I noticed he's been texting some weird number on the phone bill, but I couldn't check his phone because it's password protected now. Should I keep working on this marriage and just take his version of what happend as the truth? Or would it be better to just figure he's lying, he cheated, and move on with my life without him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

yeah, it's extremely probable that he is

locked phone
blaming you for a bad marriage after a new woman in his life shows up
texts to strange numbers


you need to investigate, what kind of phone?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Do you REALLY want to live like this through the rest of your (probably short) marriage?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Yea this guy is cheating. He is using the fact that you aren't around to go have his fun. At this point I would look up the 180. Which will help you get your head unwrapped around him. Then focus on yourself and what will make you happy. Think long and hard but act quickly and decisively.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Bipolar RED ALERT RED ALERT RED ALERT

The typical poorly medicated bipolar is one heck of a force to be reckoned with. They are impulsive, enticing and will do just about anything you wouldn't. It's like being a child in an adult body. She's toxic as anything. When he finally comes to his senses if I were you, I'd run the other way so fast his head would spin. She's liable to come after you for the kill.

I come from a family of them, they're really scary when not on the right meds.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Yes he is


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## runninghot (Aug 23, 2012)

Just an update. I did manage to get into his phone. I didn't find anything outright at first but when I compared the bill to his text log I noticed things had been deleted. Then I found the strange number in his contacts under some chick's name, sent it a couple of innocuous texts from his phone. Well from her responses I think something weird is up. Mind you I only sent things like "hi" and "how's your day?" but I got a "don't know why you're texting me, I told you I'm looking for a serious relationship." "sorry I dozed off while we were talking yesterday. How's your day going today?" and a "is this your wife?"

So nothing earth-shattering I guess, but kind of weird. Don't know if I should even bother asking him about it really. Doesn't seem like much to go off of, but maybe I'm in denial??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

runninghot said:


> Just an update. I did manage to get into his phone. I didn't find anything outright at first but when I compared the bill to his text log I noticed things had been deleted. Then I found the strange number in his contacts under some chick's name, sent it a couple of innocuous texts from his phone. Well from her responses I think something weird is up. Mind you I only sent things like "hi" and "how's your day?" but I got a "don't know why you're texting me, I told you I'm looking for a serious relationship." "sorry I dozed off while we were talking yesterday. How's your day going today?" and a "is this your wife?"
> 
> So nothing earth-shattering I guess, but kind of weird. Don't know if I should even bother asking him about it really. Doesn't seem like much to go off of, but maybe I'm in denial??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I just recently found someone called my wife on her cell phone and it did not show up on the billing. I questioned her and she acted as if it were okay. IT DID NOT SHOW UP ON THE BILLING! I took the call... dumb me. I believe it to be the person she is having the affair with. This is how I am saying... denial...

Take care and hope all is well. Do not let him gaslight you anymore. Breakdown... 'bout what??? He is feeling guilty!!!


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## runninghot (Aug 23, 2012)

Well I confronted him about it and he said he has a match.com account and has been talking to women, he swears he never met any of them in person. But, uh yeah, cheating is cheating is cheating. And he's still refusing to tell me the extent of his little online adventures, so I guess it's time to face reality..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VickyInmano (Aug 24, 2012)

blaming you for a bad marriage after a new woman in his life shows up


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Nothing earth shattering? Are you kidding me? Your blinders are so thick! I feel so bad reading that you don't think her texts are incriminating. It's painful to watch


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## Feeling_bad (Aug 18, 2012)

Wow, I'm military also. Sorry you had to deal with that while deployed. Especially from a husband who used to be military...that kinda makes it extra cruel that he would play with your emotions while overseas. You came to a good place here. My wife just screwed around on me last week, and the folks on this forum have been awesome and helped get through the week. Listen to what they have to say, and best of luck in your situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like he was trying to hook up with the woman he was texting. But she did not want just a fling. 

He's cheating or actively looking to cheat.


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