# Husband is "too tired" for sex?



## carolcarol (Apr 30, 2014)

I'm 21 years old, and am married to a 34 year old man. 
At first he was very physical, we made love multiple times a day. For the first year, I'd say. We have a 6 month old child, so of course that had toned down for a little while... but it is at the point now where he only wants sex about once a week. I have lost all the baby weight and I do things to surprise him and keep him interested, but he always says he is too tired.
At first I was worried about porn or maybe another woman, but watching him he really is tired. He goes to bed at 8PM, and has no energy. He always complains that his chest and stomach hurt. A doctor told him he had low testosterone due to pain medications he has been on for a few years.
I don't really know what to do. I'm sexually frustrated and of course it hurts my feelings when I get turned down after presenting myself to him, but then I feel bad for even pushing the issue when he says he doesn't feel well.
Has anyone else dealt with something similar? Should I be worried about an affair or can a guy really be so tired that he loses interest in sex?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Besides his T levels, what did the doctor check?

How does his energy level seem otherwise?


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## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

Maybe diabetic.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Well, he's obviously having some health issues. Has anything been done to investigate why his chest and stomach hurt? If not, I would get him to a doctor who runs a thorough battery of tests on him. Pain medications can cause stomach issues, but without a concrete diagnosis there's just guesswork. Although he could do a number of things to improve his health and raise his testosterone naturally, without knowing what the underlying condition is, it might not get him all that far. 

What does he do for work? What kind of hours? What were his testosterone levels?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If he's got low t and isn't dealing with it, I would say that he's not likely to be looking for love in all the wrong places. But that doesn't mean that he's necessarily happy with his life, the marriage, etc. 

What are you two doing to try to work things out? Your frustrations and resentments are going to continue building, and things aren't going to magically get better without some serious effort on both parts. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## carolcarol (Apr 30, 2014)

They didn't do any extensive testing, they said he had extremely low T levels and told him to give himself a shot of testosterone once a week. However, he has ben passing blood (possible ulcerative colitis) and complains of chest pain. He does seem exhausted, he goes to bed at 8 every night.
But then on the other side he has had plenty of energy to go on these random mood swings when he is awake. He will go from fine to flipping out in a matter of seconds.
I'm just feeling really shut out because I feel like he is always either asleep or angry and he won't say why or even acknowledge it. I feel bad when I push him to be physically intimate with me but I'm getting frustrated now, too.
I just don't know if it really comes down to him having a problem with me and possibly seeing someone else or having his needs met elsewhere, or if it really is just his health and exhaustion. I think it's the temper he has that is confusing me, because that makes it feel like it's more than just him being tired.
He is so young to have these problems, and I think it does hurt his pride as a man (even if I don't say anything, which I try not to) when he can't have sex.


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## carolcarol (Apr 30, 2014)

I had considered diabetes before... it runs in his family and that could be another possible explanation for the mood swings?
When he has the rare good day he seems to be just over the moon excited about our daughter and gushes about how lucky he is to have me... if there was any resentment he had toward me I was unaware of it. 
I just have such a hard time comprehending not even wanting sex more than once a week.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Maybe there is something seriously wrong with him that he hasn't told you about and this is his reaction?? Seriously, the medical angles need to be investigated first and foremost, and soon.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

carolcarol said:


> They didn't do any extensive testing, they said he had extremely low T levels and told him to give himself a shot of testosterone once a week. However, he has ben passing blood (possible ulcerative colitis) and complains of chest pain. He does seem exhausted, he goes to bed at 8 every night.


Yikes! This needs to be properly investigated, ASAP. 

I find orthomolecular doctors to be far more thorough when checking health issues. HERE is a list of many of them. They are regular medical doctors with an added interest in things like vitamin therapy. 



carolcarol said:


> But then on the other side he has had plenty of energy to go on these random mood swings when he is awake. He will go from fine to flipping out in a matter of seconds.


Health issues can cause seemingly opposing reactions at different times. For instance, he could be fatigued due to his poor health, but then get a burst of adrenaline from a reaction to something that's going on in his body (pain, low blood sugar, etc.) and then flip out with moods and be seemingly high energy. Then he'll crash after that wears off. That's just an example, but things like this are common with certain health problems. 

You're both going through a tough time with this, but please support him. He won't want to be a burden on you, because he's your husband, so this could cause you both to withdraw from each other if you aren't understanding. If you can support him he will most likely open up to you and you will both be stronger afterwards. 

Keep an eye on the big picture. This might be a temporary glitch in your relationship that brings you closer together after you have gotten through it.


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## Lexigirl (Apr 25, 2014)

Could he be depressed? Mood swings and low libedo can be a sign of depression


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

How is the sex when you have it?

Is he fully erect?

Impotency problems at all?

Does he get irritated or angry at your initiation of sex?


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Lexigirl said:


> Could he be depressed? Mood swings and low libedo can be a sign of depression


Depression? The guy is passing blood, for goodness sake.


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## carolcarol (Apr 30, 2014)

Well, I am of course trying to be really supportive.
I try and make sure he is as comfortable as possible, I pack his work lunches and have his dinner ready, I rub his back to try and get him to relax, I make sure the house is in order and I always look put together when he gets home.
If he is depressed I think it's more from being tired and not feeling well. He doesn't have insurance right now, and won't till June. I'm trying to do everything I can, it's just hard. I almost feel like a single mom, he just sleeps all the time. He isn't interested in being intimate, and my best friend has been replaced by this moody stranger who just flies off the handle. He'll go from saying horrible things to me to crying and saying he didn't mean it and doesn't know why he said it, he says he can't think straight and doesn't feel well.
I'm just at a loss at the moment I guess. Not planning on leaving him or anything just frustrated both physically and emotionally, didn't know if anyone experienced something similar.


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

I'm 34 and have a chronic illness that includes fatigue. I do my best to have relations with my partner whenever she asks but sometimes I'm just to sick to do anything. 

He really needs a full work up. He could be anemic also from internal bleeding which can cause low energy. 

Maybe he could qualify for emergency medical assistance from your state?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

carolcarol said:


> However, he has ben passing blood (possible ulcerative colitis)


He needs to go to Gastroenterologist asap and have colonoscopy done.

This chronic disease is NOTHING to play around with.

Don't ask how I know....

But I will tell you that my sex drive hasn't suffered at all.....


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

I do not know why your husband is to tired for sex. I will say that you are unlikely to be the reason. My wife is very attractive, I am just not much interested in sex. Another woman, or porn are not always the reasons a man may lose interest in sex. I am not interested in other women, nor am I interested in porn. In my case I think my testosterone levels are low.


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