# Is it true?



## jeefer76 (Jun 15, 2012)

I was told that even if I could prove infidelity in court, that cheating isn't a big deal anymore. Is that true? I am so angry and I want everyone to know that he is a lying piece of sh!t. My niece told me that everyone cheats, so when we go to court no one is going to care because even the judge could be cheating. How is this possible? It just seems like it's one thing after another. Is it really so acceptable now that no one cares? I feel like my world is falling apart, and apparently I'm not supposed to feel this way. What the hell is gong on!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

try cheaterville instead?


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

depends on what state you live in or country, look it up on the web, if so you can file under adultery, best to consult with atty 1st thou, most give you a free visit up front...get all of your options beforehand and figure out what works best for you, some states like Teaxs, if your the man who left his wife and kids and cheated on your wife, Look the hell out! your Doomed!


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Most states go no fault---cheating is allowed in for special circumstances, and custody


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jeefer76 said:


> I was told that even if I could prove infidelity in court, that cheating isn't a big deal anymore. Is that true? I am so angry and I want everyone to know that he is a lying piece of sh!t. My niece told me that everyone cheats, so when we go to court no one is going to care because even the judge could be cheating. How is this possible? It just seems like it's one thing after another. Is it really so acceptable now that no one cares? I feel like my world is falling apart, and apparently I'm not supposed to feel this way. What the hell is gong on!


In a Court, it's all about "business" and not "emotion". It stands to reason that you are angry, but the job of the Court System is not to deal with your hurt, just the equitable division of marital property. That being said, "equitable" could mean a little more for you in spousal support if you can prove the infidelity occurred, depending on the length of the marriage, and your ability to start anew. The Judges are not there to referee a marital dispute or to allow either party to bash the other for the record. The court does not make a moral judgment, merely a legal one.

As for the moral judgment, MOST married people do not find infidelity acceptable. The cheater knows it is wrong, but does it anyway. The Betrayed is general heartbroken and angry. And yes, your world is falling apart and it is difficult for all of us to pick up the pieces, but there is no other option. Living well is the best revenge, and the sooner you can start to build your new life without him, the better you will feel about yourself.

I sincerely wish you best. We are here for you.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

The ultimate reason why states have gone to no fault divorces boils down to three things: Time, money, and resources. There is a limited number of judges, limited number of courtrooms, and only less than 40 hours a week (not including holidays) to try cases. 

Proving infidelity requires a trial, that evidence be submitted, testimony has to be given, etc. Which means a lot of time being taken up by this. Then the system becomes back logged with all the trials. So imagine if trying to get a divorce and you can't get a court date for a couple of years.


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

jeefer76 said:


> I was told that even if I could prove infidelity in court, that cheating isn't a big deal anymore. Is that true? I am so angry and I want everyone to know that he is a lying piece of sh!t. My niece told me that everyone cheats, so when we go to court no one is going to care because even the judge could be cheating. How is this possible? It just seems like it's one thing after another. Is it really so acceptable now that no one cares? I feel like my world is falling apart, and apparently I'm not supposed to feel this way. What the hell is gong on!


I can certainly see your point here. It would seem we would have support from our legal system, if only from them. Who else can we turn to. I even had someone come right out and tell me... "What's the big deal if she cheated. She loves you, she comes home to you each day. She is still with you, isn't she?" Is that all one can hope for??? If marriage has moved to this point in our society and that attitude is the order of the day, you are correct. It would seem our world is falling apart, and we are on a downward spiral. It only makes things so horribly unbearable because the betrayed spouse is so damn hurt, made to feel guilty and then, get their world snatched out from under their feet. 

We seem to be fooling ourselves when saying never. Never say never! This adultery is rampant. Anyone is subject to the turmoil and heartache it brings. Two people get their little whims and the many that it can hurt, and the lives it can destroy are numerous. 

Yes, there ought to be a law for betrayed spouses!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

God! If only everyone was as wise as your niece!

You DID put her right, didn't you?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Ben Connedfussed said:


> I even had someone come right out and tell me... "What's the big deal if she cheated. She loves you, she comes home to you each day. She is still with you, isn't she?"


I had more than one person tell me that once recently, when I was blowing off steam about the time my wife was flying red flags a few years back.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Even in a "No Fault" State, infidelity can have an effect on divorce proceedings.

In my State there is a mandatory 12 month separation before a divorce can be granted - UNLESS - infidelity can be proven (either a spouse admits it or there is undeniable proof) then the divorce go through in about three months. (My brother had a video of his wife welcoming OM into her apartment while she was "figuring it out" where he stayed the night.) Three months and done. He got the kids. 

Best to talk to an attorney an get the correct info of how it works where you live.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

A survey of Americans found that 92% consider infidelity in marriage to be immoral. They also support divorce by 77%, just in case anyone thought this was about being ultra conservative or uptight.

Since it's likely that there is a significant amount of infidelity out there (hard to say how much) we can also surmise that a decent number of Americans are hypocrites. That never stopped anyone from disapproving of other people's immorality.

Your lawyer should be informing you of whether or how evidence of cheating would impact your divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

jeefer76 said:


> I was told that even if I could prove infidelity in court, that cheating isn't a big deal anymore. Is that true? I am so angry and I want everyone to know that he is a lying piece of sh!t. My niece told me that everyone cheats, so when we go to court no one is going to care because even the judge could be cheating. How is this possible? It just seems like it's one thing after another. Is it really so acceptable now that no one cares? I feel like my world is falling apart, and apparently I'm not supposed to feel this way. What the hell is gong on!


I disagree with the statement your niece made. Not everyone cheats. I believe the larger part of married folks do not cheat. Some do cheat apparently, more than most believe. Some cheat with single folks, some cheat with married folks, but everyone that is involved in cheating is guilty of adultery, married or single. And I have heard of people in the legal systems, too, have been caught in scandals of adultery. But as a whole in our society, not everyone cheats. About thirty percent is correct, maybe even upwards of forty percent, and count the singles involved, we get a skewed amount in the percentage. But thirty percent... my gosh, a third of people in marriages cheating. Some folks need to open their eyes... that is a lot still, but still, it is not everybody. And IF everybody did cheat, there would be no need for such web sites like this one... we would be too busy cheating, and I do not cheat. But still, as I said, a third of marriages... that is way too rampant for me!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Ben Connedfussed said:


> I disagree with the statement your niece made. Not everyone cheats. I believe the larger part of married folks do not cheat. Some do cheat apparently, more than most believe. Some cheat with single folks, some cheat with married folks, but everyone that is involved in cheating is guilty of adultery, married or single. And I have heard of people in the legal systems, too, have been caught in scandals of adultery. But as a whole in our society, not everyone cheats. About thirty percent is correct, maybe even upwards of forty percent, and count the singles involved, we get a skewed amount in the percentage. But thirty percent... my gosh, a third of people in marriages cheating. Some folks need to open their eyes... that is a lot still, but still, it is not everybody. And IF everybody did cheat, there would be no need for such web sites like this one... we would be too busy cheating, and I do not cheat. But still, as I said, a third of marriages... that is way too rampant for me!


I've seen statistics on this and you're right. Furthermore, most of the cheating going on seems to come from the same slice of people again and again. It seems some people are just serial cheaters.


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