# Feeling helpless!!!



## MyTwoGirls (May 31, 2011)

I have been separated over a year since my wife of 17 years told me "I need time", she was actually seeing someone before she told me I soon found out. She had opened a new bank account and rented a house before letting me know. Now a year later her and her new 'man' have bought a 15 acre country home about 30 minutes from my house. Of course I have shortened the story of the past year but the bottom line is my two girls ages 10 and 12...I have never been separated distance wise this far before and it is gut wrenching. I had rented a place three blocks from where she rented to stay close to my girls when we first separated. The girls would stay with me one week and her one week and it seemed to work out. The girls have been with me about 60/40 though. I can't shake this helpless feeling I have being so far from them and don't know what to do. He can definitely buy her all the things I could never get her. My girls are very, very close to me and I try to be strong for them but the thought of them being alone in the country after school when their mom is at work is painful. I believe I feel this way because going from that house to my house which is very small makes me feel like I can't provide the things her and her new guy can. I guess I will find out if love, affection and the fact we always do things together and always have will overcome material things.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

It will in the long haul. You can't buy dependence and loyalty of a real daddy. Give them some time and they will seek you out. Just get busy doing YOU and stay in contact with your girls. If they see you being happy, they will want you everytime.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stop feeling helpless and self-defeating.

He has more $...so what? You have your home and are the father of your girls. Money can't buy a daddy. 

Have either of you filed divorce yet? Child custody arrangment?


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## MyTwoGirls (May 31, 2011)

We have been going with a one week with me and one week with her for about a year now...although it has been about 60/40 more with me..I am planning to get a court ordered time schedule since she drops them off with me even when it is her week...my daughters especially the 10 yr old want to stay with me and often call me at night crying saying she wishes she could be here..my wife showed up to my work 3 days ago yelling and crying in front of my girls saying what am I doing to make them want to stay.. I told her to ask WHY they don't want to stay with her and we just need to go get it court ordered which she doesn't want to do and I'm thinking because she makes 2 1/2 times more than me, she thinks she would have to pay some kind of support since I also have medical/dental/ and vision insurance for my girls..she also kept all the belongings so I bought everything I have 2nd hand...EVERYTHING..


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Guys like you and the sacrife you endure will get rewarded, maybe not now, but sometime down the road when the girls are much older a reward will come greater then you can ever imagine.

Your wife...alone maybe after her 3rd or 4th marriage sitting in a room full of cats,with her daughters resenting her for the cause of a broken family, she will ask her self why... with no one around to hear her.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Now here is something you might want to consider: Contact your attorney to see about the Alienation of Affection laws in your state, and see if you might be able to file a suit against OM. The reason most lawyers will not even take a case of AoA, is that the OM or OW usually doesn't have any assets that you can go after. In this case, OM does have assets you can go after. If you are able to go through this route, don't warn your WW, and see how fast he throws her under the bus and kicks her to the curb.

Its worth a shot.


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## MyTwoGirls (May 31, 2011)

Thank you for the responses and my main goal in getting a court ordered custody scheduled (just saying that sucks!!) is to make sure there is structure for them and they can't decide that if they get upset with mom or dad that they can ask to go to the other parents house and I want to also make sure they stay together since there mother says it is easier if one stays with me and one with her then switch..I do not want easier, I want them to grow up as normal siblings do..It isn't that much harder just requires more patients...I realize I have a deep emotional hole to climb out of and if it wasn't for my girls I'd of probably gone a little insane..I realize we both didn't envision this 17 yrs ago and people change but saying I realize and TRULY REALIZING are not the same.:scratchhead:


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

She wants to split them up?? That's the worst idea I have ever heard.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

staircase said:


> She wants to split them up?? That's the worst idea I have ever heard.


:iagree: That's all I have to say!


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