# I need some help



## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

i have posted on the site before, but will give you a brief background.......

DH gave me the classic 'i love you but I am not in love with you chat' in May of last year. He told me there would be no discussion, there was absolutely nothing I could do to change his mind and he was off.

He didn't leave, was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD and said he would 'see how it goes'.

Fast forward 10 months. DH is still here. He is having treatment (drug and psychiatrist), he says he wants our marriage to work and wants to try but still says he doesn't feel any differently about me. 

I feel as though I am living with a stranger. I am committed to trying to help him but I feel it is really taking its toll on me. 

I cant make him feel happy, as at present he simply doesn't feel anything. I know this isn't his fault but he seems to think if I don't make him happy then our marriage is over.

I am struggling to get over a hysterectomy just recently and feel so low myself I just cant see an end.


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## del88 (Mar 24, 2010)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I wonder if you partner is staying with you because of his depression or if it's because deep down he loves you and does want to make your relationship work. His depression is probably preventing that from happening, though. Perhaps, the things he is saying is a "cry for help". I would try to be patient with him while he gets his depression under control, and then you will both be in a better place to resolve your relationship issues. 

I wish you well!


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## created4success (Apr 9, 2010)

mumof2 said:


> i have posted on the site before, but will give you a brief background.......
> 
> DH gave me the classic 'i love you but I am not in love with you chat' in May of last year. He told me there would be no discussion, there was absolutely nothing I could do to change his mind and he was off.
> 
> ...


"I cant make him feel happy:"

You're exactly right. Only we can choose to be happy and take responsibility for that ourselves, despite the negative circumstances around us.

Kudos for you for sticking with your marriage and committing to your relationship, despite your husband not having feelings for you. If he were committed to your relationship to the extent that you were, my guess is that he could end up having positive feelings for you as well.

In my experience, we can and do have control over our feelings and how we respond to the circumstances around us. Let us know how it all turns out and how we can help support you.


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