# I need to chill - advice please?



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

My H and I are getting along well and have been now for several months, but I'm so tense about money that I don't know what to do. 

H woke up in a coughing fit, says he needs cough medicine, I suggest that it's due to laying on your back when you're sleeping, blah blah blah. No biggie in a normal household, but in ours right now even the smallest amount of money matters until the bankruptcy is officially filed (Feb 1), we have $140 to last us until then. I got mad and it was just going through my mind that he ALWAYS needs something that costs money. Our insurance is skyrocketed because of his DUI, he has a Breathalyzer on his car that costs a pretty penny each month, his probation fees, he always needs gas for work (3 tanks a week normally), he always needs Dr. Pepper, etc... It just seems he always needs something. He works in our household, I work, we make decent money (bankruptcy due to overwhelming credit debt). 

Thoughts? Advice? Tell me to stop? Anything? Am I just being stupid and stressing over something that's just normal day to day living? 

How do I NOT freak out when he says he needs something? I need to stop.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think you are just anxious and stressed about the bankruptcy.
there are times when you do need to spend a little money, its just that way.

as for his cough, if its due to a sore throat, tell him to put a small pebble under his tongue. the pebble will cause excess saliva resulting in lots more swallowing. it will help to a point. learned that in high school in track as a way to keep the mouth MOIST while running.

hope your future works out well for you.

tell hubby to stop with the drunk driving too.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> tell hubby to stop with the drunk driving too.


Yeah, neither of us drink anymore  

Thanks for the suggestion, I can see it now if I tell him to go get a pebble out of the yard he'll really think I'm crazy :rofl: Personally, I'd do it though!


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Bankruptcy aside,normal everyday life does go on...sickness etc.However,the situation has made you acutely aware of the need to prioritize your finances,your husband not so much.Gas for work-yes.Dr.Pepper-no.Not prioritizing and not being aware of what you're both spending most often leads to financial difficulty.You need to sit him down and talk and share the stress you're feeling.Sometimes in life we all have to do without.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

TBT said:


> Bankruptcy aside,normal everyday life does go on...sickness etc.However,the situation has made you acutely aware of the need to prioritize your finances,your husband not so much.Gas for work-yes.Dr.Pepper-no.Not prioritizing and not being aware of what you're both spending most often leads to financial difficulty.You need to sit him down and talk and share the stress you're feeling.Sometimes in life we all have to do without.


Thanks. He does know the amount of stress I'm under with the bankruptcy. I think a part of this is that it's a single bankruptcy. Just my debt. His credit was awful and for the past 5 years, we've been surviving on my credit and now it's about to be gone. Nothing but cash for at least 5 years. It's scary. I can't help but to feel like he's being selfish in all this. His questions to the attorney were primarily about how my bankruptcy affects his credit, or how it affects our tax return and should he filing separately, etc.., now that he's managed to build his up in 5 years to at least be average, while mine has tanked. I guess those are valid concerns, but what the hell? I'm getting ready to destroy my credit to the point of no return and he's focused on how it will affect his credit? Are we not in this together? 

WTF?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

It does appear like he's self-centered.5 years of his credit getting better to the detriment of your own!It may be a single bankruptcy but there's dual responsibility for it and if not than you're obviously not in an equal relationship.Somewhere down the road when you're able to re-establish credit does it start all over again?

Some people seem to think "whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine"It just isn"t acceptable in an equal and healthy relationship.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

TBT said:


> he's self-centered.


:iagree:

sorry cherry cause you sound like a very nice woman.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Sounds like you guys need to establish a very strict budget or this will be a life long problem for you guys.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> Sounds like you guys need to establish a very strict budget or this will be a life long problem for you guys.


yes, we do. And I just feel like no matter what I say, he always wakes up needing something that day. The other day he spent 3.28 on one lighter. WTF???? He says he didn't want to go across the street and wait in line and he needed it for work. They don't think anything of sending him to 3 job sites in a day, but god forbid they reimburse him for gas for these 80 miles in town days. I don't know, I'm just really overwhelmed with the bankruptcy. I know this is petty in the scheme of things. Guess I'm just venting


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Cherry said:


> I know this is petty in the scheme of things. Guess I'm just venting


im not sure i would call this petty.

im sure it is a very stressful situation and i feel you have the right to be upset.
he needs to understand this and its a time when he needs to try and squeeze every penny he can right now.
you need his help and understanding on this situation.
put him on a very tight allowance, when he spends that on stupid shiut, he gets no more.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Nothing but cash for at least 5 years. It's scary.
> 
> I'm getting ready to destroy my credit to the point of no return and he's focused on how it will affect his credit?


Cherry,

I use to work for a BK atty. Most times, after filing BK, creditors will offer credit cards to you, but with HIGH interest rates. So the next 5 years won't be "cash only" if you choose to go that route.

Also, most people filing BK have already destroyed their credit and can't seem to get out of that rut, so the BK itself is not a "credit killer". BK can be a fresh start - yes, from the ground up. You'll get your credit back one day, just hang in there.

I agree with the above post "gas, yes.....Dr. Pepper, no". JMO...


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Cherry,
> 
> I use to work for a BK atty. Most times, after filing BK, creditors will offer credit cards to you, but with HIGH interest rates. So the next 5 years won't be "cash only" if you choose to go that route.
> 
> ...


I work in BK too


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Could you both operate on a cash only basis? Perhaps if he could see how much he has each week he will be better able to budget his spending.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

southern wife said:


> Cherry,
> 
> I use to work for a BK atty. Most times, after filing BK, creditors will offer credit cards to you, but with HIGH interest rates. So the next 5 years won't be "cash only" if you choose to go that route.
> 
> ...


I knew the minute I was greater than 30 days late on our mortgage for the second time, my credit was shot  It was time to make a decision then and there. And yes, we tried so many things to make it without a BK, I was tired of trying to live on ramen noodles, I just wanted some breathing room as we'd been in a cash crunch since our reconciliation. I am excited with the fresh start, so my moods swing pretty wildly right now.... Relief vs. scared. Thank you for the words of encouragement!!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> I work in BK too


:smthumbup:

Although I no longer do after the BK laws changed back in 2005.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Cherry said:


> I knew the minute I was greater than 30 days late on our mortgage for the second time, my credit was shot  It was time to make a decision then and there. And yes, we tried so many things to make it without a BK, I was tired of trying to live on ramen noodles, I just wanted some breathing room as we'd been in a cash crunch since our reconciliation. I am excited with the fresh start, so my moods swing pretty wildly right now.... Relief vs. scared. Thank you for the words of encouragement!!


Just B R E A T H E!!! Slow down, everything will be ok. With budgeting (and sticking to it - but also knowing things will pop up from time to time, like sickness....therefore, medication), people usually come out better and happier after filing BK. All that debt will be off your back and you'll feel better.....trust me!


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

lovesherman said:


> Could you both operate on a cash only basis? Perhaps if he could see how much he has each week he will be better able to budget his spending.


As we get further into the BK, we've discussed an allowance for both of us. We don't have our BK plan worked out just yet, so we still have no idea how much they will leave us to live on.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

What type of BK are you filing: wiping out debt or a payment plan?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

southern wife said:


> What type of BK are you filing: wiping out debt or a payment plan?


13 is the plan


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

southern wife said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Although I no longer do after the BK laws changed back in 2005.


Yes they did haha, it made it rough for a while, but it's all good now..... but I love my job!!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Cherry said:


> 13 is the plan


Ok, well aparently you have enough income coming in. Just work the plan for the few years that you have to and budget the rest. YOU CAN DO IT!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> Yes they did haha, it made it rough for a while, but it's all good now..... but I love my job!!


I loved it, too. The real reason I left, though, was because of the atty I worked for, not that the laws changed and everything slowed WAY down.

Glad you love it. It is very interesting work for sure!


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

I actually work for the Trustee, he is an awesome boss to have and the people I work with are amazing...and the work is pretty interesting!!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> I actually work for the Trustee, he is an awesome boss to have and the people I work with are amazing...and the work is pretty interesting!!


Yes, that would be cool to work for the trustee!!


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Well here is what I can tell you, a lot of people are embarrassed about the fact that they are filing bankruptcy, don't be...it happens to a lot of people from all walks of life....bankruptcy is in place for you to fall back on to get your stuff together and try and rebuild your life financially....don't let it stress you out, set a budget for yourself, make your payments on time every month and pay it off and move on with rebuilding your credit...it's not the end of the world like most people think...but I understand how you feel about it....

Also, it may vary state by state, but I know where I am from that it's against the BK laws for you to get/use a credit card while in BK as well as obtain credit without the BK Trustee's approval....plus if you do obtain credit anywhere, say for a car loan or something, the interest rate is unbelievably sky high....


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Thanks GreenEyes. I know we'll be okay. He!!, anything is better than how we are currently living, its been a nightmare financially... I mean really? No cough medicine..and I'm complaining about having to buy some? lol. I think between medical bills, even with insurance, divorce lawyers, childcare expenses, credit card debt, everything got so overwhelming. But its official now . Next week, I know I'll feel better knowing my solid numbers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Thanks GreenEyes. I know we'll be okay. He!!, anything is better than how we are currently living, its been a nightmare financially... I mean really? No cough medicine..and I'm complaining about having to buy some? lol. I think between medical bills, even with insurance, divorce lawyers, childcare expenses, credit card debt, everything got so overwhelming. But its official now . Next week, I know I'll feel better knowing my solid numbers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will, just relax and go with it and just make sure you make your payments and when in doubt call the Trustee haha we have so many people that call their attorneys when they have questions and get the wrong advice....Everything will be fine, and it will work out....


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

So Friday night when I got home from work.. the entire house was cleaned. My H doesn't say sorry, he cleans or does something else unexpected. I apologized for my reaction to the cough medicine and we had a nice night / weekend. You gals / guys helped calm my nerves about the whole BK situation too, thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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