# Stress and in-laws causing problems



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I'm not sure if posting about this will help at all but maybe it's worth a shot. Recently we moved town to be closer to our families, mainly mine, and to find a better job for my DH. He moved first once he got offered a job and lived with my parents while I stayed with the kids in our old town, 4hrs drive away, until the end of school term. 

I've finally moved down and we're all living with my parents for a while, partly until we can buy a house and also to house sit for 6 months next year while they travel. It all seemed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement.

We're all still adjusting, but my DH and I are finding it very difficult to connect at the moment. He has told me he's stressed, but not about finishing things up on the old place each weekend, this weekend being the last weekend we have to go back hopefully. He says it's the time here at my parents that is stressing him. I don't really understand his reasons why, something about him having to help with the kids in the afternoons when he gets home, which can be as little as kissing them goodnight before they go to bed to as much as helping them with showers, eating dinner with them and then kissing them goodnight. It doesn't seem all that bad from my viewpoint. Then he can do what he wants, play an online game or watch a movie, whatever.

I'm thinking that despite my Mum being pretty easy to get along with, and my Dad generally staying out of everyone's way by watching TV a lot (which he did before we moved in), that my DH is just not adapting well to being here now that I'm here as well. Before I got here he seemed fine.

Now it feels like he's always criticizing me. I can never do anything right. If I don't actually say anything, it feels like he'll invent a conversation in his head to be peeved at me about. He will talk to his sister who is living here as well for a few months in a caravan, but will rarely initiate a conversation with me. I feel like I don't really exist to him except as someone to blame. I'm expected to always initiate sex and he complains if we don't have sex but I'm getting more and more disinterested as he feels like a stranger to me. This of course leads to us feeling even more distanced from each other.

I'm not sure what I should do at this point. We had discussed going out for dinner this weekend while at the other house for our birthdays, but when I brought it up the other day in front of his sister he basically said, 'I said we're not doing that', which threw me for a loop. He also said it in a way that made me feel quite rejected. A weekend away from everyone, without the kids to worry about, and he had no interest in doing anything other than the house stuff. His sister asked him why he didn't want to, and he didn't really have any answer. I didn't react well I admit, and said to just forget it.

I'd suggest marriage counselling, but he's refused in the past and nothing will have changed there. My mother thinks I should just ride it out, don't push him to talk but to give him the opportunity to do so if he decides to. I'm not sure how I'll go at pretending nothing is wrong but since talking to him just makes him say things that upset me further as it always feels like he gets defensive and starts trying to find anything to attack me with, real or imagined, it doesn't seem to matter.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Breeze, I think it is hard for most people to live with their inlaws even if things are seemingly good. As comfortable as you may be with your parents, your husband may not be. This is not his home and he might feel displaced. I personally think it is a matter of your husband needing his own home as he might be out of his own comfort zone.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

You dont need counselling. You have to get out of your mothers home.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

No man on this earth wants to live with his in-laws. Move out as soon as is practicable. You don't need counselling.


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## TallGuy (Jan 3, 2012)

My in-laws stay with us very frequently at our house as we live near a regional medical center where they both have appointments.

This summer they lived with us every two or three weeks for two to seven days each visit. The longest they have lived with us is ten weeks while he was getting Chemo.

I can attest how difficult it is to live with your in-laws under the same roof. It is a huge strain on a marriage.

My wife and I found it helps to make time together away from the house and her parents. Even if it was something as simple as grocery shopping together. Finding time to be alone, and distracted from her parents has been key. Talking through each others frustrations, and finding a way to unite. 

Wishing you the best!


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## KAM1959 (Aug 28, 2013)

Living with in- laws is always a fire killer. Two alpha's together will, even if not spoken, causes internal conflict. It's even worse when it is your father, the first man in your life. This is always some unsaid thing about measuring up to someone's standards other than your own. But one thing is it is even worse when it is the man's father because he then wants to rules over and becomes critical over everything. 
So your plus is it's your father. The down side is working with two households in one and that will equal conflict internal or otherwise.


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## RAN (Oct 14, 2012)

breeze,

Rent a house (if you cannot buy one) immediately, move out of your Parents house, the best possible thing which can happen to your H & you.

Your H is stressed out because he cannot be free & do what he wishes in your parents house.

For example you told that your father would be watching TV a lot, if your H wishes to watch a program he cannot as your father is there.

Just check how much time do you spend with your parents & H when you are at your parents house.

So he takes out the stressed frustration on you.


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