# Finding out the truth?



## Hopeful621 (Oct 5, 2017)

Hello everyone,

I have posted my story on here before, but my husband told me 3 months ago that he no longer loved me and wanted a divorce. We've been married for 3 years but together for a total of over 15 years (we have been together since we were 14). He is an elected official and very public in the political world. He swears there is no one else but I feel he is keeping things secret so that I don't feel compelled to make the divorce difficult or public...to protect his image. As a result, I am being extremely amicable and not even asking for things I feel I deserve. I need to know the truth so that I don't get walked on. There have been some signs of him seeing someone else...our phone bills shows calls at weird times, he has been away "alone" twice since our separation when he never wanted to go away before, and continually looks up one girl's facebook page (yes I have his facebook log in and he does not know).

Is there any way at this point that I can find out more information? I don't want to be a sucker and believe he didn't leave me for someone else only to find out later that he did. I don't have access to his phone so I can't install anything, but I have his facebook log in and we are still under the same phone account. Any help would be great.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Why for?

Thy husband, Husband of Yore has forsaken you.

Likely a new damsel has caught his eye.
And snared his one-eyed weasel. She has it and the rest of [his and your' storied past] in her palm.

You saw and aided his rise, from straw Polls, to a Woodenhead, to real Boy. Now a fake man.
He does not need you anymore.
He said he does not love you. This is the only time this corrupt lying politico has been honest.

On being amicable, this is fine. But be that and be under the wing of an attorney-at-large.
At large in your soon to be ex-husbands face. 

OK, OK, instruct your' attorney to be low key, polite.
But tell him to bring a big bag with him.
Big enough to clean out Mr. Public Servant.
You deserve fifty percent. Take it.


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## Hopeful621 (Oct 5, 2017)

I find it very difficult to get to the anger stage. I tend to blame myself for a lot in all aspects of my life. As long as I believe he's just someone who couldn't handle me anymore, I cannot bring myself to believe I deserve anything. If he left me for someone else I can get to the anger level. I know it sounds silly, but I wake up in fear every day of finally being faced with the truth, and I just need to know it all already and get over it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Oh, my Dear.

All the good answering TAMSTERs are asleep. Some with their mates.
All, save none are alone. Alone in their head, not bonded in flesh.
Only in promise.

As thou were.

I am retired,.am not a retred.
They made me once, saw the error...never to be repeated.

Give us more information.

Can you place a VAR in his car?
Can you tail him. Get a friend to follow his moves.
Can you put a GPS in his trunk. Or in a magnet held place under the body work?

If he has an I-Phone you can use it to track his slime trail, down the sidewalk into the forbidden garden.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Private Investigator suggested by attorney?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

First, see an attorney to make sure that your rights are not trampled on. Whether he is seeing someone or not, he told you that he no longer loves you. That's the reality of your situation. See a psychologist to get your self-esteem in the right direction. You are accepting crumbs from your husband. You are disguising your low self-esteem with the excuse that you are protecting his image. You need to care for yourself & move on. Sorry you are here.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

He has chosen to leave the marriage... in your state it may matter or or it may not if he has another he is involved with.

You are entitled to half the assets on the ground, be sure you don't hurt yourself by giving up less.

Love yourself more... his image, not so much.

Get your own attorney, someone who knows how to evaluate the political machine as it applies to your pending divorce, and share your information. Filing first may be to your advantage. 

It surely will with your confidence.

You will need insurances for health, both physical and mental... you deserve that much out of all his promises broken.

If he can't keep his promise to his marriage, what weak promises would he keep with his constituents I wonder.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Relationship Math 101:

ILYBINILWY + Unexplained Absences + Time Spent on Facebook or other Social Media + Lies and Deception - Low Spousal Self Esteem - Loss of Marital Sex and Affection = More Than Probable Infidelity!

Get Thee to an attorney post haste!*


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I agree with the other answers that you need to see an attorney asap. Being amicable does not mean getting trampled on - in the end, after time passes, pretending to be amicable and finding out you got rooked will only breed resentment and anger. You do NOT need that biting you later.

Certainly the signs are that he is fishing. In my experience, a man does not physically leave a marriage until there is a fish on the hook. In fact, I know of know case personally where this wasn't the situation. That proves nothing in your case.

If your husband is a politician, and I know quite a few of these personally, he is very adept at manipulation and persuasion. It is probably not in your best interest to have this become public and a spectacle, but if I were you I would rely on my attorney to do the dealing with him.

Finally, I think everyone who has been in your position has a sick need to know the truth no matter how brutal it is. The only truth that really matters is that the marriage is over and you are entitled to your fair share of the marital assets. Whether he has been honest with you or not....I would bet the house that he has not. To what extent, we do not know and it really does not matter. He has not been honest with you. You can not, nor should you, trust him or rely on him in this divorce in anyway. Move on. Rise above. When I went through this, I prayed a lot and my prayer for my husband was that God would "get him". In the end, God did and my husband became a devout person. Funny how things work out.

Good luck. Be strong and firm, but not mean or vindictive. As the years pass, you will feel no regret. Go to the gutter, and you will constantly doubt yourself.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I 100% agree with the other posters that your #1 priority at this moment is to lawyer up immediately and get your wagons in a circle to protect your assets and your best interests. 

I understand your yearning for the whole story, but your immediate priority is to circle your wagons and get your ducks in a row now. He has probably been planning this for a long time and is several steps ahead of you. You need to act fast to protect your assets. 

You do not need to be angry to get an attorney and get to work on preparing your case - that is just being responsible. 

In fact at this time it is probably best that you are not angry or being fueled by raw emotion. It is probably best that you be cool, calm and collected and do things in a mindful and methodical manner as directed by your attorney. 

You can worry about finding out about his personal affairs and who the other woman(s) is after you have your assets, property and access to your children secured.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Hopeful621 said:


> ......We've been married for 3 years but together for a total of over 15 years (we have been together since we were 14). *He is an elected official and very public in the political world.* He swears there is no one else but I feel he is keeping things secret so that *I don't feel compelled to make the divorce difficult or public...to protect his image.* As a result, I am being extremely amicable and not even asking for things I feel I deserve. I need to know the truth so that I don't get walked on. There have been some signs of him seeing someone else*...our phone bills shows calls at weird times, he has been away "alone" twice since our separation *when he never wanted to go away before, *and continually looks up one girl's facebook page (yes I have his facebook log in and he does not know).*
> 
> ...... Any help would be great.


He is playing a very dangerous game. Someone will report him with another woman to the press at some point or a jilted girlfriend will expose him. 

One day he might even say something on Facebook or she might say something that destroys his secret.

You need to get your house in order prior to that.

You know enough to and are separated, so get some kind of legally sanctioned separation agreement that spells out your rights to his community property assets & money as completely as a divorce decree. 

Good luck.


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## Loveless17 (Oct 16, 2017)

You are being very smart in accepting the end of the marriage. So many people fight to save it but when a man is done loving a woman, he's done. Contact an attorney and move on with your life. It doesn't matter if there is someone else, let him go and find someone who will love you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The guy married you, tied up 14 yrs of your life you could have been spending and building a life with someone who DOES love you....

This guy suddenly decides he doesn't love you for no apparent reason?

Ok, I'll be angry for you.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Hopeful621 said:


> As a result, I am being extremely amicable and not even asking for things I feel I deserve..


Don't be a fool. Being a fool and giving him more than his share while you get precious little is just ignorant.

That's completely fine that you're willing to be low key and not make any noise about Mr. Wonderful so the public still adores him. That's great and he'd better appreciate that you're doing it for him.

But don't be a fool and bend over backwards and screw YOURSELF in the process.

I can almost guarantee you that one day you will find out he was screwing around. Don't hand most of your share to HIM. *Take your rightful share*! Because one day, you're going to KICK yourself for having been a doormat, only too eager to hand everything over to him and he WAS cheating on you.

Don't be foolish.. Seriously. Don't be foolish.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

You can be amicable and low-key, but still demand your fair share. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, hire a shark lawyer and let him be the bad guy.

Don't let him walk all over you.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Relationship Math 101:
> 
> ILYBINILWY + Unexplained Absences + Time Spent on Facebook or other Social Media + Lies and Deception - Low Spousal Self Esteem - Loss of Marital Sex and Affection = More Than Probable Infidelity!
> 
> Get Thee to an attorney post haste!*


Yes.

One about six foot four, broad at the shoulder, narrow at the hip.
One your dare not cross, dare not give lip.

Maybe one topped with a Stetson hat and fitted with Justin boots, size fourteen narrow.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> You can be amicable and low-key, but still demand your fair share. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, *hire a shark lawyer* and let him be the bad guy.
> 
> Don't let him walk all over you.


The problem with sharks.
They do not eat each other.
They work in teams, take care of each other.

Get a killer whale. They breath air, not polluted sea water.
Get an Orca.

Or call the Orcan Man.
Tell him to bring Cockroach spray.
....................................................................
Just Sayin'

Just Sprayin' and Spewin' :scratchhead:


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

He is no longer your Husband, your lover or friend, he is the enemy, proceed accordingly. Of course he wants things on the down low and quiet. Do not do what he wants, do what is best for you. If he is cheating and it really sounds like he is, then get an investigator to follow him, get evidence, go to a lawyer and take him to the cleaners. Find your righteous anger, he is not treating your honorably, is your self esteem so low that you are willing to allow him to treat you whatever way he wants and discard you so easily?


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

Although I agree that getting angry would likely be very helpful here, I think that you should consider that fact that simply expecting (and asking for) what is fairly yours is not a vindictive act. It is a normal part of any respectful, mature human-human interaction. However, denying yourself what is rightfully yours out of some misguided idea that it is somehow "mean" is extremely damaging - towards yourself. 

You need to be the person looking out for yourself right now.


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