# Need urgent help... my brother is confronting tomorrow!



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

Hi all,
A long time lurker here. I told my brother about this site a few days ago... trying to open his eyes. He was suspetcting his wife of cheating for a long time. Last night , after reading here for about two days, he managed ( was lucky!) to break the password on his wife phone ... what he found is more than enough. He took pictures of every text message between her and her OM, plus he has evidence from 7 months ago from her Skype. 
Tomorrow he is off work and she is working. He wants to pack everything he has and leave while she is at work ( they live with her parents and have no kids).

My question here, and please respond by tonight if you can, is if he should confront her or just leave a letter with the evidence. And should he write a letter to her parents? they see her as their princess and always blaiming him of being to stressed :scratchhead: ( they don't know anything about his anguish and their troubles).

I want to help him and if you could post links or samples of letters to her and her family, I would greatly appreciate!

As of this morning , at 4 am , he is a broken man and trying to keep it togheter until tomorrow. He doesn't want to ruin the Easter for her parents, who are really good people. He read the 180 yesterday and he is sticking to it.

Thank you all!


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

march09 said:


> Hi all,
> A long time lurker here. I told my brother about this site a few days ago... trying to open his eyes. He was suspetcting his wife of cheating for a long time. Last night , after reading here for about two days, he managed ( was lucky!) to break the password on his wife phone ... what he found is more than enough. He took pictures of every text message between her and her OM, plus he has evidence from 7 months ago from her Skype.
> Tomorrow he is off work and she is working. He wants to pack everything he has and leave while she is at work ( they live with her parents and have no kids).
> 
> ...



Well I would, but that's just me.

Plus I would send copies to the workplace if it was a workplace affair and to his wife/gf and his family.


----------



## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

No confrontation necessary, waste of time IMO. He doesn't need to communicate with her in anyway. Serving her with papers should be enough for her

Ask him to pack and leave. Send the parents an email along with some(not all) evidence explaining why he'll be breaking off the marriage. Then ask him to block her number. Be informed that her parents are likely going to take her side. Don't let him waste time on them or the daughter.

They don't have kids, so he's luckier than most. I'm assuming that he's still young, don't let him waste the rest of his life stuck with an unfaithful woman


----------



## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

If it was me I would move out today.Leave a/copy of the evidence for wife and some divorce papers.her parents blame him for being to stressed because they don't know they have a ho for a daughter.The hell with ruining their Easter,their daughter ruined your brothers marriage.I would pack my bags today.


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I think you brother should leave and not only tell her why and show her the evidence but he should leave a copy of the evidence for her parents and then he should publish it out on the internet for the rest of the family and all her friends to see. The world should know what she is and the fact that they don't have kids makes it just easier.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Why should he pack up and leave?

What did he do wrong? Are you people smoking dope? Leave his house and his kids so she can move the OM in to replace him?

You need to read more threads OP. Him moving out would be disastrous. No, SHE leaves. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Why should he pack up and leave?
> 
> What did he do wrong? Are you people smoking dope? Leave his house and his kids so she can move the OM I'm to replace him.
> 
> ...


They're living with her parents.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

He needs to confront then. In front of her parents. Leaving the evidence and slinking off like a wounded puppy is cowardly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Why should he pack up and leave?
> 
> What did he do wrong? Are you people smoking dope? Leave his house and his kids so she can move the OM in to replace him?
> 
> ...



Not their house, he is living at his in-laws house.

No kids. Easier to move on. He should let his stbx in-laws know why.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He needs to tell her what he's found and then leave. It's never a fun conversation when you confront a cheater but it's the way it's done. Today would be better. There's never a good time for that.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

There are two approaches:

1) leave and go dark
2) tell her parents briefly and leave and go dark
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

First is he 100% sure and does he want a divorce? 

If the answer is yes, then he should separate finances. Does he have any joint checking accounts or credit cards with both of their names on it? Open up a new individual checking account at the same bank and transfer half the money to it. Is his pay automatically deposited? Call the credit card company and find out if you can take your name off. Apply for a credit card in your name only. Close the joint credit card if you can’t get your name off. With a joint credit card she can buy anything and your credit score will be dinged if it’s not paid.

Move out and leave a note: "I know what you have been up to." Nothing more. If you give her all your evidence she will know what excuses (lies) she can make to explain things away. *Could she explain it away as a very bad EA?* Just show a few of your cards (not your entire hand) and see what she has to say. Don’t tell her how you found out.

Wait until she tells all her friends and family that you are crazy for thinking that she cheated and then show them some evidence, never all.

Make her think that you hired a PI. For example, if their texts talk about spending time in a motel just say “I know you stayed with him in a motel.” Then she will wonder if you, a friend or a PI saw her. Did you find a motel receipt, etc. It will drive her crazy.


----------



## DoktorFun (Feb 25, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> *He needs to confront then. In front of her parents. Leaving the evidence and slinking off like a wounded puppy is cowardly.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



*This^ for sure. * :iagree:

*Nuke it!*


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

march09 said:


> Hi all,
> A long time lurker here. I told my brother about this site a few days ago... trying to open his eyes. He was suspetcting his wife of cheating for a long time. Last night , after reading here for about two days, he managed ( was lucky!) to break the password on his wife phone ... what he found is more than enough. He took pictures of every text message between her and her OM, plus he has evidence from 7 months ago from her Skype.
> Tomorrow he is off work and she is working. He wants to pack everything he has and leave while she is at work ( they live with her parents and have no kids).
> 
> ...


No kids and they live with her parents ...

I would confront her ... calmly. If the parents ask he should just say that infidelity is a dealbreaker and that he is leaving. No further discussion whatsoever.


----------



## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

While she is at work, provide evidence of her cheating to her parents and then leave.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Ive written five confronts for bs. Four worked at breaking the wife. I would confront in front of her parents to prevent a rewrite. Then again i am a bit more aggressive to people who cross me. If he chooses to confront the strongest opening move is this:
First he has to get it together as best he can and be iron man. NO crying on his part.
Ask all to sit down at the table. Gave four waters on the table. His throat will go instantly dry as will hers.
Small box containing everything.
Pull out notess set on table in front of himself.
Second item down is a folder. Inside is a known timeline. On front, paperclipped to upper right corner is a pic of the om.
"Im sorry its come to this. Care to explain who this is?"
She denies.
Pull out next item in box which is a folder with the emails.
"Do you have any idea what it is like to know you are spending MY money to have another man fvcking MY wife?" Face is anger.
She denies
Next folder is skype transcripts.
"For any chance at reconciliation i need a full confession. I have lots more. When did it start? Who else?."
He does not have to mean there is a possibility of R. If she lied he can.
The beauty of the box is she does not know how deep the box is.

Make sure he has it all backed up off site and in three places. One of them being you and one cloud.

He needs to be ready to leave after. But i would confront to prevent a rewrite. 

OP. What state and how long is the marriage? Yes it matters.

Need anything unpublishable. PM me. Ive done tons of behind the scenes help and peeps will attest i dont publish anything i am not specifically released to publish.

YOU are going to be his crutch. BE his good brother.

WL


----------



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

Graywolf2 said:


> First is he 100% sure and does he want a divorce?
> 
> If the answer is yes, then he should separate finances. Does he have any joint checking accounts or credit cards with both of their names on it? Open up a new individual checking account at the same bank and transfer half the money to it. Is his pay automatically deposited? Call the credit card company and find out if you can take your name off. Apply for a credit card in your name only. Close the joint credit card if you can’t get your name off. With a joint credit card she can buy anything and your credit score will be dinged if it’s not paid.
> 
> ...


Yes, he wants a divorce. The infidelity is a dealbreaker. This is not the first OM. She is a flirt and always seeks attention. The finances are separtaed because she wanted it that way. Married for 9 months, togheter for 3 years, in their late 20'


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Btw in a week bring him here and have him register. We have taken dozens of men thru this grim process.

Have him read the thread by poster whyeme. He can see a man transform from broken and hopeless thru screwing nis new gf WHILE is soon to be ex is in labor with the om baby and once again loving life. Epic win at the end. I promise.


----------



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

Thanks everyone for your posts. I sent him the link for this thread. 
He told me he is disgusted and can't look her in her eyes. The wife and OM spent the night togheter last week, ( she had a GNO - that was the explanation), so I am preatty sure it's a PA, not only EA. 
He is leaving tomorrow. Sent him a link few days ago to Shamwow thread also, he was reading that for the last few days.


----------



## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

march09 said:


> Yes, he wants a divorce. The infidelity is a dealbreaker. This is not the first OM. She is a flirt and always seeks attention. The finances are separtaed because she wanted it that way. Married for 9 months, togheter for 3 years, in their late 20'


No need to confront unless he wants to to give her a piece of his mind personally. I would just walk away. I would though explain it to her parents and then go and expose where needed.


----------



## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

*Get the hell out of Dodge. Let her guess. She will*


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That's chicken sh!t advice. 

He needs to stand in front of her parents with his finger in her face and tell her what a nasty cheating slag she is, and thank her for stealing all those years of his life from him. 

Then walk out with suitcases in hand and not look back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Its the boys prerogative how much he want to reveal he has. If it were me, I'd make sure the parents have proof beyond a reasonable doubt. How they deal with it is their prerogative. Of course they are going to give her the benefit of the doubt. That's to be expected. The main thing is to unload, free himself, and write this marriage off as a mistake.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't see just leaving and writing a note as slinking away. See that as not having enough respect for her as a cheater, and it isn't her first time, to even speak to her again. I would block her number as well.

Since there are no kids put their sordid story on cheaterville.com and facebook. The wanted it, let them wear it.


----------



## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> That's chicken sh!t advice.
> 
> *He needs to stand in front of her parents with his finger in her face and tell her what a nasty cheating slag she is, and thank her for stealing all those years of his life from him. *
> Then walk out with suitcases in hand and not look back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd like to think that's what I'd do in his position. I wish him lots of luck in his future. He can do better, no doubt about it. :smthumbup:


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

The only positive here is that this mistake can be annulled. 

If it were me and this were a dealbreaker, I'd just walk. I agree with the poster above that said that isn't being cowardly, it's indicative of the lack of respect. I'd leave a copy of the proof for the parents though.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

There are times when you just leave evidence and walk away is a really big slap in the face to the wayward.

This might be one of them.

But I would say goodbye to the in-laws and leave the evidence with them so they know what a liar/cheater their daughter is....

HM


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Thanks for helping your brother.

After he is gone, send her OM's wife the information and tell her what you think of her.

Your brother will need your support.


----------



## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> There are times when you just leave evidence and walk away is a really big slap in the face to the wayward.
> 
> This might be one of them.
> 
> ...


It is over. Not even married one year, just tell her it is not working out and have a nice life.


----------



## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> That's chicken sh!t advice.
> 
> He needs to stand in front of her parents with his finger in her face and tell her what a nasty cheating slag she is, and thank her for stealing all those years of his life from him.
> 
> ...


Sorry, but not everybody has the mental fortitude to confront and not break down during the process. Sure she stole a couple of years from his life but she doesn't need to know that.The last thing OP's brother should be doing is to show any emotion, especially in front of her, she'll lap that up and use it as leverage to bargain for R and if OP's brother breaks and many do, next thing you know - false R. Don't give her that opportunity

Want to let the parents know that their daughter is a cheating slag, a simple letter or a phone call with the evidence should suffice. They can come to their own conclusion. Cheating slag or not they're going to have her back so your goal here should be to keep them in the loop, only.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> That's chicken sh!t advice.
> 
> He needs to stand in front of her parents with his finger in her face and tell her what a nasty cheating slag she is, and thank her for stealing all those years of his life from him.
> 
> ...


Thinking with emotion and not laws and facts. He gets all of his stuff out now because I DOUBT he signed a rental agreement with the parents. Their house, their daughter their rules. Who wants to involve cops to get the stuff you'll have to move anyway? You don't start a fight in the middle of enemy territory with no back up. He leaves, gets his stuff to safety somewhere else and then he can come back and lower the boom. At that point, I would confront in front of the parents and then walk off. I'd also bring a relative for protection.

Heck, be a jerk text dude from her phone and invite/trick the OM over for the confrontation. Send a text "hey, he's gone come on over."


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Wait...late 20s, no kids and living with HER parents. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe this explains why the WW didn't respect the BH enough to remain faithful? She's not justified to cheat if the BH was a crappy provider, but it could explain why she sought others for attention. Something for him to keep in mind for his next relationship.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I would do one of two things since I don't know your brother so the choice is this.

1. Leave. No note. When she comes home and sees that he's gone, she'll no doubt call him and ask what the hell. He can tell her that he knows and for her to get a lawyer because he is. He doesn't owe her any more than that or her parents. Let her figure out the next move and remind your brother that he's in for a possible mother of all crying jags and I love you and it's only because she was caught, not for real sorrow for hurting him.

2. Stay and confront and you'll have a three on one battle going on that he wont win. Not with those odds. I would put good money on that there will be a dog pile on him and it could be bad. Police show up and when you have three people pointing a finger at him, guess whose in trouble.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

There's nothing there for him to try to save. A new start may well improve his chances for viable employment.


----------



## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

6301 said:


> I would do one of two things since I don't know your brother so the choice is this.
> 
> 1. *Leave. No note*. When she comes home and sees that he's gone, she'll no doubt call him and ask what the hell. He can tell her that he knows and for her to get a lawyer because he is. He doesn't owe her any more than that or her parents. Let her figure out the next move and remind your brother that he's in for a possible mother of all crying jags and I love you and it's only because she was caught, not for real sorrow for hurting him.
> 
> 2. Stay and confront and you'll have a three on one battle going on that he wont win. Not with those odds. I would put good money on that there will be a dog pile on him and it could be bad. Police show up and when you have three people pointing a finger at him, guess whose in trouble.


Perfect plan. Let her stew about what he knows and what's going to happen. She's caught. Boo hoo! :rofl: Be sure to let us know what her reaction was. Wouldn't you love to be the fly on the wall?


----------



## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Confrontation is overrated IMO...


----------



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Wait...late 20s, no kids and living with HER parents. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe this explains why the WW didn't respect the BH enough to remain faithful? She's not justified to cheat if the BH was a crappy provider, but it could explain why she sought others for attention. Something for him to keep in mind for his next relationship.


Not the case here... He has a bachelor degree, had his own business for years and then left everything and moved to a new country for her( a new continent). She doesn't want to move from her parents house, so they live in the basement apartment. He pays for everything, buys her gifts, he has a job ( 15 days after he arrived). He chose to live there to be with her...


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

No kids? IMO he should run for dear life and never look back. Ever.


----------



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

Thanks everyone... I will post updates tomorrow. He read every single reply here. Big help...:smthumbup:


----------



## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

march09 said:


> Yes, he wants a divorce. The infidelity is a dealbreaker. This is not the first OM. She is a flirt and always seeks attention. The finances are separtaed because she wanted it that way. Married for 9 months, togheter for 3 years, in their late 20'


He is lucky you are there. Keep him moving forward. This should have been shutdown long before.

As far as confrontation, put me down for the nuclear option, whatever you decide that is.


----------



## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

I like what longwalk stated. 
Confront her and her parents. Then go dark. 
Get all his items and then leave. Cya biatch. Over and out. The confront would be for me the icing on the cake. 
Young and no kids. Start over and find a woman who respects him and herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

march09 said:


> they live in the basement apartment. He pays for everything, buys her gifts, he has a job ( 15 days after he arrived). He chose to live there to be with her...


So, what he learned is to avoid any woman who can't break the umbilical cord. No way, would I live with my wife's parents unless there was absolutely no choice.


----------



## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

He needs to register and post in this thread. 

He's got many things going for him. No kids, young, married only a year. Good education. Solid proof. 

Is OM married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

jerry123 said:


> He needs to register and post in this thread.
> 
> He's got many things going for him. No kids, young, married only a year. Good education. Solid proof.
> 
> ...


I will tell him to register. 
I don't think the other man is married, we only know his first name for now. And his cell phone #. He is in his 40'.


----------



## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

march09 said:


> I will tell him to register.
> I don't think the other man is married, we only know his first name for now. And his cell phone #. He is in his 40'.


No kids? Grreeeaaat!!!:smthumbup:

Gift him a pair of running shoes and ask him to run straight to an attorney and then to the court house.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Wait...late 20s, no kids and living with HER parents. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe this explains why the WW didn't respect the BH enough to remain faithful? She's not justified to cheat if the BH was a crappy provider, but it could explain why she sought others for attention. Something for him to keep in mind for his next relationship.


Once again with the worse timing to bring up issues and put the blame in the wrong place as well as displaying a complete lack of empathy. Up is down, right is left.
Not shocked actually as it's a repeated performance, just a little more dissapointed if possible. What a shame.
And this time even mistaken in this blameshifting speculation.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Fordsvt said:


> I like what longwalk stated.
> Confront her and her parents. Then go dark.
> Get all his items and then leave. Cya biatch. Over and out. The confront would be for me the icing on the cake.
> Young and no kids. Start over and find a woman who respects him and herself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 The problem here is that he's living in another country and the last thing her would want to do is confront the parents and her knowing that it might explode. Not while your living out of country. Who knows what the laws are and it's not wrth finding out the hard way. 

Just leave and be done with it.


----------



## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Your brother has had a lucky escape.

She's a serial - Skpe stuff 3? months into the marriage? Likes attention and flirts? Wanted to move back to her home continent, wanted their finances separate (???), didn't want to move from her parents house so he had to live there??? 

It's all about "SHE". Wow, he's even more lucky they don't have kids and he's only late 20s. 

No need for confrontation with the parents IMO. Just email or mail them copies of the juiciest texts and photos of course. No need to even write anything - it's all there. 

My feeling is that this particular princess deserves a confrontation. Very calm, a couple of sentences armed with the deep box that Weightlifter suggested. Nice one WL!
"I've got some material here dearest cheating wife."
Show her the juiciest text/photos. Put the lid back on the box. Then,
"You know cheaters like you just turn my stomach. See ya!"

That's enough & walk out the door. Make sure your brother has packed his stuff up and moved it offsite beforehand. 

She may try to get some money out of him so it might be best if he moved back home. Kinda good that she wanted their finances separate though strange of course. 

Finally, OM. Late 40s. So either married or divorced with kids. Bit old to start having more babies if that's what she expects now that she's about to be single. Let's see how OM will look after her now. Doubt he'll move in with her parents LOL. . . 

Like I say, a narrow escape for him. Most of us weren't so lucky!


----------



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

********** said:


> Your brother has had a lucky escape though he may not see it like that right now.
> 
> She's a serial cheater - you said he had Skpe stuff only a couple of months into the marriage? She likes attention and flirts?
> She wanted to move back to her home continent, she wanted their finances separate (???), she didn't want to move from her parents house so he had to live there???
> ...


We live here, too. Not sure if he wants to go back, he sold everything and has a good job now. He doesn't know now, he is in shock, to be honest and not sure if he thinks straight. 
He is packing right now and will load his car in a couple of hours , when he is alone in the house.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Well given the extenuating circumstances I change my recommendation. Leave her a note and go dark.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Chiming in on leaving evidence with her parents, something for her, and not be there when she comes home. Just leave, never go back, block all digital access, and even change jobs/cities if that's remotely possible. 

I know if I did this I'd move to the other side of the country just to make sure she couldn't drop in one day. I would never want to see her again.


----------



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

Update:

He is home with us...he left all evidence with parents and her sister, had a 30 min discussion with them and left. All his belongings are removed from the house.

He is holding strong... blocked her number...she just started to try to contact him: calling him from unknown number, Skype, FB... everything.

He closed all accounts and I hope he will stay strong tomorrow when he goes to work. Her parents are destroyed, they can't believe this happened, but they know her very well and are not very surprised.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Well good for him that his belongings are removed and he had the courage to tell them the truth and leave. I'm proud of him. 

Now, she'll likely go CRAZY trying to contact him and "explain" so just encourage him to stay dark, turn the computer and phones and electronics OFF, and go do something he enjoys. Leave his cell at home and go to a movie or something.

If he does continue to stay dark, she will either accept it (unlikely because she believes she's entitled), or she will step up the game and may do something scary like show up at work or at the house (or something). So he may want to let one person at work know what's up and see if he can't get some help from the switchboard or security. If she is NOT wanted and she keeps showing up, he can send her a written demand/request to cease and desist, and then if she keeps trying to contact or keeps showing up, he has his company and his family at home on his side -AND- evidence that she's stalking him!

Stay strong. He can do this. It's hard, but stay firm.


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> He needs to confront then. In front of her parents. Leaving the evidence and slinking off like a wounded puppy is cowardly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As soon as one starts a confrontation, it degenerates into a he said - she said kind of thing with many statements denied and so on.

So I don't really think that leaving is cowardly. It is shocking. And shock is what his wife and her parents need right now. Don't forget, SHE knows why he left.


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> That's chicken sh!t advice.
> 
> He needs to stand in front of her parents with his finger in her face and tell her what a nasty cheating slag she is, and thank her for stealing all those years of his life from him.
> 
> ...


You may be right, but what does he gain by that? If he just leaves, she'll call him, which puts him in control.


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

march09 said:


> Update:
> He is home with us...he left all evidence with parents and her sister, had a 30 min discussion with them and left. All his belongings are removed from the house.


Good! I hope he has copies of the evidence!


----------



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Stay dark!!

Stay away!!

Stay strong!!

Stay well!!

Best revenge ever!!


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> As soon as one starts a confrontation, it degenerates into a he said - she said kind of thing with many statements denied and so on.
> 
> So I don't really think that leaving is cowardly. It is shocking. And shock is what his wife and her parents need right now. Don't forget, SHE knows why he left.


I went back and changed my recommendation. Given the circumstances I think he did it right. I was not aware of all the extenuating issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I think he should continue no communication with her (easier said than done, I know). 

It drives them CRAZY. They feel as though they need to explain their behavior so they can justify it - even blame shifting seems to make them feel better. If he doesn't give her that satisfaction, it will eat at her for as long as he refuses to talk to her. 

With no kids, he is better off just leaving her alone. Don't ever go back to that...rarely do they ever change. I know. I am living that circle now. 

Good luck to your brother!


----------



## phoenix_ (Dec 20, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Wait...late 20s, no kids and living with HER parents. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe this explains why the WW didn't respect the BH enough to remain faithful? She's not justified to cheat if the BH was a crappy provider, but it could explain why she sought others for attention. Something for him to keep in mind for his next relationship.


Didn't respect her husband to stay faithful? You just tried to justify her cheating. 
If he's not doing well in his career that's a different subject entirely, not a reason to cheat. That's also not an excuse to go looking for attention either.


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

phoenix_ said:


> Didn't respect her husband to stay faithful? You just tried to justify her cheating.
> 
> If he's not doing well in his career that's a different subject entirely, not a reason to cheat. That's also not an excuse to go looking for attention either.



I don't think he was justifying her cheating; in fact he stated that it doesn't justify her cheating. He's actually quoting Athol Kay's MMSL where Athol says women are more likely to cheat when a husband is not filling the role of provider.


----------



## march09 (Mar 18, 2013)

The Middleman said:


> I don't think he was justifying her cheating; in fact he stated that it doesn't justify her cheating. He's actually quoting Athol Kay's MMSL where Athol says women are more likely to cheat when a husband is not filling the role of provider.


My brother came to this country 9 months ago. He had a good job in 15 days, making more than she makes, he has a good education. Maybe the OM has more money, but she should have waited for him to settle down, have some patience, if this was the reason she cheated. 
She is very materialistic, he spent all his money on brand name clothes, bags and shoes, perfumes an restaurants for her. I know, stupid...:scratchhead: He paid for everything. Not once she offered to pay for a movie or something else. So I don't think this was the reason.

He will have a good career here in a few years, he is very talented and educated. 

He doesn't really care if he has the latest technology, but she was pushing him to buy a better car, a better phone etc...even if he was just starting his career all over again. 

I will tell him to register tonight, I hope he will be able to put his thoughts in writing.

Still going dark on her and she never tried to contact us either...

Thank you all... He spent the night reading here, on this site. I don't think he slept very much...


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

This has to be very hard on him. He chose the correct path; now all he has to do is keep walking it. 

This will get easier for him as time goes on. 

Hopefully for him, she will just have a hissy fit and say "Fine! I don't _want _to talk to you anyway." And that will be that.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

No kids and married less than a year sounds like, here anyway, an annulment would be the quickest, easiest and cheapest option.
Would that be the case where he is?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

syhoybenden said:


> No kids and married less than a year sounds like, here anyway, an annulment would be the quickest, easiest and cheapest option.
> Would that be the case where he is?


You can't just magically get an annulment... There are very specific means for it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Ok first of all, why is he the one who is leaving? If he has all the evidence, he should start divorce proceedings and use all of this as evidence. But really, he is choosing not to confront her which definitely not the way to go. She needs to be confronted and blamed for the relationship ending. He shouldn't be so willing to give up the house, fight her for every dime. I kinda know what this guy is going through because I had something on the same order that didn't involve infidelity happen to me. I would definitely like to talk to him about what I went through.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> Ok first of all, why is he the one who is leaving? If he has all the evidence, he should start divorce proceedings and use all of this as evidence. But really, he is choosing not to confront her which definitely not the way to go. She needs to be confronted and blamed for the relationship ending. He shouldn't be so willing to give up the house, fight her for every dime. I kinda know what this guy is going through because I had something on the same order that didn't involve infidelity happen to me. I would definitely like to talk to him about what I went through.


They were living in her parents house.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Being betrayed is like simultaneously getting smacked in the mouth and stomach whilst someone pulls out your heart and stomps on it while laughing at you.

Your brother's world has been turned upside down in an instant. There are lots of folks here that will help him understand what's going on and most importantly he will have a place to verbalize his immense pain and confusion.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OP BE the good brother. Sounds like you are. Just sayin.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> Being betrayed is like simultaneously getting smacked in the mouth and stomach whilst someone pulls out your heart and stomps on it while laughing at you.


Probably the most accurate description I've ever read on TAM.

And it's not just emotional or mental either... The pain of betrayal can also manifest itself as physical symptoms as well. (ie nausea, chest pain, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, etc.)


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> Probably the most accurate description I've ever read on TAM.
> 
> And it's not just emotional or mental either... The pain of betrayal can also manifest itself as physical symptoms as well. (ie nausea, chest pain, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, etc.)


You probably can't encapsulate what it really feels like, simply because of the wide range of raw emotions that you go through. 

It's almost like a maelstrom of emotions all whirling around inside you..that and the mental imagery and the pressure on your chest and trying to separate the truth from lies.


----------

