# moved back in after 3 weeks



## davedenlow (Nov 1, 2011)

Some of you know my story. Found out my wife had cheated and i moves out for 3 weeks. Moved back in a few days ago to try and work things out, it honestly hasnt been to bad. I still get upset with what she did, but she seems different...like she knows she was wrong and loves me more. Its hard to explain, we talk about the situation and things she will do to prevent it from happening again. At times though i dont want to believe, but then i look at my son and daughter and keep pushing for them. Im not completely unhappy so i know it isnt a bad enviroment for them, we been having fun as a family...A LOT of fun, me and my wife save our discussions for when the kids go to bed. Had sex a few times and its still amazing, so atleast we still have that. I just hope this isnt all an act and a few weeks, months, or even years from now she falls back to her same old ways....i guess only time will tell


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Has she cut off all contact with OM? Are you sure of this? 

Glad you are getting your family back


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## davedenlow (Nov 1, 2011)

yeashe allows me to check her phone and emails. She is always were she says she is and pays more attention to me...she really is making it hard to hate her, but thats good right. Lets see how long it lasts


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Did she do a letter of no contact to the OM?

Just curious. What happened to him? They don't just go away.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I want to share that in my case her 1st time cheating was carpet swept and was never talked about. She bacame a serial cheater and it wasn't until we addressed her behavior and took the steps to change that made a difference.

I wish we would have faced this evil head on 13 years ago, so IMO I believe the steps you and her are taking in being open and talking and *listening* to the painful reality of infidelity is healthy and puts your chances of "survival" higher then most.

Face this bs head on and learn from it with the hopes of preventing it again, instead of pretenting it never happened.....only making it easier to happen again.


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## davedenlow (Nov 1, 2011)

letter of no contact? i dont know what that is, but they work together so she cant just not talk to him. At the same time i realize what she did do was hurtful and messed up but in order to have a future I have to learn to trust her. Im sure a bunch of people will call me stupid, but so far she hasnt acted as if i need to question her.

I do stop by her job un-announced ever once and a while, i talk to her co-workers (the same guys who i go out with) and they say she barely to him. Some of them know the situation, some dont but the ones who dont say its weird cause they used to be friendly and now she acts like he did something, so they tell me to keep an eye on him.

Maybe this is what she needed, maybe now she realizes i am the man she wants and only wants me. Maybe now she will be more faithful and loving than i can ever hope for. But I am not going to live everyday sitting there giving myself a heart attack over this. I do feel like some people here need to let somethings go, otherwise you are just going to hate yourself. She knows if she does it again its over, and i know if she does i will definitely do that. But why let this ruin me and our family from having a great day... I refuse to act like that, and be obsessive over every little detail. If she is going to cheat again then me staying up her ass isnt going to change that. But if i give her more freedom then she will do it faster and i will waste less time.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Check this thread out. Keep an eye out.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/31959-false-recovery.html

Also this is a must. Get these books "Love Busters" and "His Needs Her Needs"


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Google letter of no contact. There are samples on some threads here that may turn up in a search.

Was the OM married?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

davedenlow said:


> Cant help but to feel that i will forgive her and that scares me the most, because what if i give her this second chance and she does it again....im just so lost right now and dont know what to do...


You somehow made an incredible recovery in only 5 days when you made you first posted the comment above. You went from fearful to fearless WOW. I truly hope, for your sake, that you are truly serious about leaving her if she choses to cheat on you again.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She needs to leave the job as a consequence for starters, along with the NC letter.

So she cheats, you spend time in a huff, she's nice, all is forgiven and forgotten?

If you rug sweep, and do not investigate further, and impose real serious consequences she not only won't respect you in the end, but she'll do it again. 

Women need to know that their man is a man, and not a doormat. This is your time to show her which one you are.


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## davedenlow (Nov 1, 2011)

i will, cause then it shows she doesnt love me. Everyone deserves a second chance, because nobody is perfect


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## davedenlow (Nov 1, 2011)

and she makes really good money, its not like she works at burger king or some bs job, so telling her to quit is ridiculous.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, to say she makes good money and then compare it to Burger King or whatever is insulting. My good friend was manager of a McDonald's and bought at house at age 25. So...whatever to that. I'm a teacher and make less than my husband who is a mechanic. lol He makes double, actually.

Secondly, what is more important, your marriage or her job? Can she not find another job similar? 

I just hope for your sake it's not a false recovery and that the affair hasn't gone underground. I know you probably feel like you're walking on eggshells, wondering if anything else will happen...no?

And she works with him, but she can still do a letter of no contact...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

davedenlow said:


> i will, cause then it shows she doesnt love me. Everyone deserves a second chance, because nobody is perfect


You are very much correct 

However, what happens if it happens again? Does she deserve a 3rd chance?

I'm just saying that it's rare...RARE...that someone would be ok and end the affair in under a week. I just hope for your sanity she isn't hiding it now.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

Your W still working with him is not good at all. You are taking a huge risk here. She had EA/PA with him for 5 month? You can't expect her to cut off her emotional tie just like that. Because she has been just dicovered, I am sure she is willing to do whatever necessary to avoid divorce right now, but she sees him everyday with still residual feeling for him. Also, she may try to resist falling back to A, but what if he comes on to her hard? R rarely works if the WW still works with him.


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## davedenlow (Nov 1, 2011)

All og these are great points. It does bother me her working there, but she doesnt have a degree and her father had a connection to get the job. She found a job a while back but it was way out of state. 

I really hope i am not hiding this....maybe i am just sweeping it underneath the rug, well more than likely i am. We talk about it for a bit at night. Right now, I know it seems like a movie or fairy tale but i like it. I would never give her a 3rd chance. Heres the deal with me, i was a manager for a warehouse about 6 years ago and i made a mistake. Nothing like sleeping with anybody but if given a second chance i would have been able to prove myself. So thats why i believe in giving her another chance. But a 3rd time only means theres gonna be a 4th and 5th and so on. 

If she is faking it, it will come out. If i stay on her ass she will be on point with everything. But if i lighten up that will allow her to be relaxed and she will slip up faster. So my thoughts are i would rather her do this again within the next 6 months or so before we really repair the damage. 

And i didnt mean anything about the Mcdonalds comment, i meant it as in her only making minimum wage...


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