# Feeling like everything is slowly slipping away



## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

I don't know how to describe it. I need to slip away from my current life again. Dis-ease. Therapists in my city seem to blame me for my partner having an EA. Not buying that swill. She admitted in 2016? Still eating at me today.

Got **** in my head that I cannot say. My culture can be extremely verbally abusive but I have never once used those words for my partners. Got any wise words?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Love yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the intolerable.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Cheaters choose to cheat. Were you happy about the marriage all the time? Did you chose to cheat when you were unhappy?

Many therapists are not equipped to deal with affairs. They believe it is caused by a mutual breakdown of the marriage, and is caused by mistakes on both sides. Listen to your gut. Affairs are a one sided decision. If your wife was so unhappy, she should have requested that the two of you, or just you, get counseling. Or she could have gotten a divorce, THEN started seeing other men.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Her affair is 100% HER fault, NOT YOURS at all.
You are responsible for 50% of the issues in the MARRIAGE, but not AT ALL her affair.
Your therapist is completely wrong, and you need a new one.

If things were so bad, she should have divorced you FIRST before going after someone else.

How have things with your wife been since 2016? You sound like you have rug-swept things and allowed her to get away with being told SHE was ok to have the affair because YOU deserved it. BS. You need to say what you need to say. if you don't discuss it and get it worked out (if you can), it will NEVER go away and will always worry and work on you and against your marriage.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Parasite said:


> I don't know how to describe it. I need to slip away from my current life again. Dis-ease. Therapists in my city seem to blame me for my partner having an EA. Not buying that swill. She admitted in 2016? Still eating at me today.
> 
> Got **** in my head that I cannot say. My culture can be extremely verbally abusive but I have never once used those words for my partners. Got any wise words?


Ask you dumb ass therapist if it's OK if you have an affair now that she cheated. After all your marriage is really bad now. If not why not.

My wise words are life is too short.

It's impossible to love someone and cheat on them. Why are you staying with someone who doesn't love you?


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> Were you happy about the marriage all the time? Did you chose to cheat when you were unhappy?


I was happy given the circumstances. I was doing temp work while she went to grad school. Money was, and still is tight but not uncomfortably so.
Just disappointing to know that if I stumbled, she take off. If I fail, she'll find another quickly.


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> How have things with your wife been since 2016? You sound like you have rug-swept things and allowed her to get away with being told SHE was ok to have the affair because YOU deserved it. BS. You need to say what you need to say. if you don't discuss it and get it worked out (if you can), it will NEVER go away and will always worry and work on you and against your marriage.


There was the horribly generic, denials and rug sweeping. Then the apologies and begging. Now I'm just meh. Staying in a rent controlled place so moving out will be really painful in one of the most expensive places in the world. I don't send flowers, cards, except for Christmas and her birthday these days. Nothing about the anniversary and no longer celebrate the day we got together as a couple. She does.


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

sokillme said:


> Ask you dumb ass therapist if it's OK if you have an affair now that she cheated.
> My wise words are life is too short.
> ...
> Why are you staying with someone who doesn't love you?


One of the therapists actually indicated towards opening up the marriage. My response was to the effect of why stay married? Why not just divorce, move out and move on?

Short answer to why I stay is the money. Pay is good. Rent controlled apartment. Sometimes, I wish for that outsourcing wave to wash over the and let me go. Take a few more month to see more National Parks here and maybe go home for good. It will be easy to view life in the US as a dream or movie.


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

Thanks for letting me vent. There feeling a little lighter now. Will have a big drink, long smoke by a fire outside tonight.


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

farsidejunky said:


> Love yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the intolerable.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Voicing a moment of weakness. I can only share it anonymously. Thank you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I don't see what is holding you. A rent controlled apartment? That is the only reason you stay with her?
Is your job THAT important to you that you cannot move?
You don't (I think) have kids, no great assets, you seem to have detached from her, WHY STAY?
Move, get on with your life, find someone who will love you and have your back.

Doesn't seem like she is remorseful from what you've indicated. That is no way to live -- just waiting for the shoe to drop again.


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