# losing my wife can I ever get her back?



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Hello to all. Here is our background. I have been with my wife since we were 15. We got married at 28 and we are now 35. We have no children. My wife asked me to move out so she can think of things but that we would be ok. Reluctantly I moved to my old room at my parents house (I have depression issues). 3 days later I received an email asking me for a divorce and that nothing I do would change her mind. She stated that she had been thinking of this for about a year. I know I was not there for her as a partner in anyway. Although faithful, I was not there emotionally or financially. I know for sure that no other person is involved and through my brother, I am aware that she posts gratitude to family and friends during this difficult time on her social account (btw I am not one of those stocker types, I love and respect her privacy wishes). She wants me completely of her life. No texts, emails etc. I know I have nothing to offer at this moment, but i will one day and I wish she could give me a chance. Today I felt I was having a nervous breakdown, I called her but she didn't answer. I text her and she called. She wanted to get of the phone asap but I managed to express my feelings to her. She began to cry and get angry saying it was a slap in her face now that its to late. that she is a good person and doesn't want to see me hurt. Also that I damaged her (and I know its true). She wants me to focus on myself and forget her that chances are we would never be together. I told her I would call her when I have something to offer instead of taking. She said she won't believe me. Truth is, I know it will take time, and I must fix myself. I have taken the positive route and have began exercising again. I have enrolled back in school and will graduate in 6th months, and I had been feeling good until today. So my question is, is there still any hope? I love this woman with all my heart and don't want to lose her for good but I myself know I must let her be while I work on my issues. I want to call her when I'm at my best and ask her out and hope she accepts. so my questions are:
Is there hope for us in the future?
Is there something else I can do to show her affection from a distance?
also, I write to her everyday. I then send those letters back to myself nd place them in a shoebox. I find it relaxing expressing all my feelings ive had bottled up for years, but am I hurting myself in a different way? I'm comfussed, I just know, she wants space, no contact, she gets angry and wants me to fix myself. and lastly I don;t feel closure because she never answewred all my questions, sorry , I know it;s long, but I'm a mess and admitting it is a good step, now what to do about it, is the hard part


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Your wife left you because it seems like she was at the end of her rope. It is a waste of your time and hers to contact her until you have FULLY made the changes in your life that she probably needed all along - for you to be a productive and healthy person who manages life well. 

But you should be making your life better for yourself, not for her. She may never get back together with you....and then what? Will you just give up on life again?

Your wife probably doesn't trust that the changes you make will be lasting ones and she may never open herself up to a future with you again. Nobody knows what the future holds.

I think trying to live your life in the hopes of winning someone back is a big mistake because what will drive you once that person decides not to get back with you?

Work on yourself for YOU. I think that is one of the problems you have had....not taking care of yourself. Start now and become the person you were meant to be. If your wife decides to reconnect with you down the road, it was meant to be. If not, I'm sure you will find someone else who will be thrilled to be with you.

Don't contact your wife until you have completely turned your life around.

Also, you should be seeing a therapist to work through your issues with depression and self esteem. This is HUGELY important and will enable you to make lasting changes.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Another wife falling out of love with her husband. The bad news is that this one is bad. She's not coming back. They rarely do. Yours won't. You can change your life 100% but she will always remember the old you. And, miracles of miracles, she see's the light and gives you another try? As soon as you slip into the old you for a SECOND, your back to square one with a new thread here wondering what to do. 

Read up on the 180. You're young. No kids. Get on with your life. Imagine being 50, three older kids and stuck with a wife that doesn't love you. Heck, I ENVY you.

Move on with your life.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I agree with MrK. The sad truth is life is not always fair. Sometimes if we F up long enough there are no second chances.


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

thank you all for the help. I will focus on myself and we'll see what happens.MrK your comments are my worst nightmare but you maybe right, time will tell, thank you. I will not contact her till i'm 100% sure of myself. I'm not exactly sure what this means right now, hey it might mean I stop loving her. It's going to be hard because all her friends are mutual but I must stay away from them as much as I can I'm guessing not to mention she works with my sister. Oh yes, it's a mess


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

ferndog said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you so much laurae1967, Your advice makes perfect sence. I guess I want a quick fix but that won't happen. I love my wife so much but I also know I'm a special person. I'm honest,faithful, caring, etc but along with that I'm also lazie with no drive. I'm slowly changing this. I look in the mirror and I see potential. I know I will be ok in the future it's just hard to think that the woman who put up with so much will not enjoy the complete man once I become him. This is a big reason why I do want her back once I fix myself. Maybe the time will lead us to miss each other. Well I know she must be in the back burner because I really must change and love myself before anyone can love me. It's going to be tough because I know I have nothing to offer to anyone so I must do this on my one just like I led myself to this dark hole. As far as theraphy I feel it would help me much but money is an issue but I will look for ways to express my feelings and emotions in different forms and once I get on my feet, I'll seek proffesional help. I feel my case is not that bad because I do like bring in my own skin but I do have selfesteem issues. Thank you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

sinnister said:


> I agree with MrK. The sad truth is life is not always fair. Sometimes if we F up long enough there are no second chances.


Sinnister, Right Now I am a weak man so these comments hurt but you may be right. I know that in time I'll get better and reach my potential and who knows I may stop loving her and she may want me back when it's to late. Either way the only thing I do see in the future is me fixing myself. Small steps but I'm walking
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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