# Fiance claims I endangered his life and that I went too far...



## Karla (Oct 2, 2010)

So my fiance is a 1st Lieutenant in the Air Force and a student pilot on the B-1 Lancer Bomber. We have been together for just over a year now, and we both in our mid 20's still. Anyway, the other day he and I got into a pretty bad argument over the planning of our upcoming wedding. I told him I didn't like his choice of best man. He has gone and asked his best friend and former roommate from college to be his best man. My fiance is an only child and therefore doesn't have any brothers to ask. His friend has accepted too. He treats this guy like a brother, even though they aren't related. I would prefer him to ask my brother to be his best man instead. But he won't accept that, he tells me his choice of his best man is his and his alone, but I don't like that idea. It's my wedding, and I think that I should have a say in it. We both said some mean things to each other, and he decided to go to the gym to go cool off for a little bit after we argued. Meanwhile, I was hurt by some of the things he said to me, especially when he said I was selfish.

So to teach him a lesson and to get him to see things my way about his choice of his best man, I bought some itching powder and I sprinkled it all over all of his boxers and his flightsuits. So yesterday he came home really frustrated and scratching all over. Pretending not to know, I asked him what was wrong, and he tells me he's had a really bad burning itch all over his body all day and he couldn't stand it any longer, and that he felt like a monkey scratching and everyone in his squadron probably thought he had a disease or something because he was constantly scratching, and he didn't know what was wrong with him. He also said he couldn't concentrate when he was flying.

After he got out of the shower, he said he felt better and the itch was gone. I decided to come clean and tell him that I poured itching powder all over his boxers and flight suit because of how he yelled at me and called me some names. He just looked at me in disbelief. He started saying that was the stupidest thing I've ever done and said I've obviously got more issues than he thought. My own fiance called me mental. He told me I endangered his life and the lives of the guys who were flying with him on his B-1, as well as people on the ground, because he was itching and scratching so bad that he could have messed up or accidentally hit something in the cokpit while flying and could of caused the plane to crash into a neighborhood or something. He couldn't believe I would do that to him. He went on to say that I could have been put in the position of planning his funeral instead of our wedding after what I did. He wouldn't even let me wash all his clothes and flight suit, he did it instead. He has barely spoke to me all last night, and he just went to bed without even saying good night. And this morning he left for work without even saying goodbye or anything, and he was checking his uniform all over to make sure nothing was on it. Also, we normally go out and do something on a Friday night / weekends, I asked him what he wanted to do tonight, and he just replied that he wasn't going anywhere tonight except to bed. He just went to sleep early. He's never gone to bed this early before on a Friday. I think he might just be avoiding me now.

I really don't think he trusts me anymore. I mean, ya, I called him some names too, but is he right, did I really go too overboard? I only intended to try and make him see my point of view. I don't see how what I did could have caused him to crash the plane. I think he's just over-reacting honestly, and I'm hoping he'll get over it. I'm kind of scared that he doesn't want to marry me now. I don't want to lose him over this and I really regret what I did. Any suggestions as to what I should do?


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## ethereal (Oct 2, 2010)

Give it some time to cool off. It seems to be an honest mistake, what to you was an innocent harmless way of "getting back at him", that may have quickly escalated into so much more than it needed to be about. While he may be technically correct in arguing that you endangered him - based on what you wrote it seems obvious to an objective outsider that you didn't intend to endanger his life.. deep down I think he already knows that as well. His anger is probably stemming from something else. (probably the whole power struggle in who gets to choose the best man - he is correct that based on marriage conventions the choice is HIS to make so let him have want he thinks is rightfully his , it is obviously very important to him and how is he supposed to save face and tell his friend that his wife forced him to change his mind an on issue he already thought was settled by him?) But in any case you should give him some time, and space, to cool off. I think you'd only make matters worse to keep bothering him when he needs to get his calm back and don't want to be bothered immediately. And then if he doesn't turn around try to explain the situation from your point of view to him. And though you had no ill intentions, you should still apologize and show that you are genuinely sorry and ask for his forgiveness and trust again.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Yes, you have gone overboard on two counts.
1. We all know that the wedding is for the bride, not the groom. For this reason, the bride is allowed to make a vast majority of decisions regarding the wedding.
For the bride to decide who will the best man will be is absurd. The groom gets his pick, end of discussion.

2. As a former Navy flyer, what you did with the itching powder is inexcusable. You could have endangered an entire flight crew, people on the ground and a very expensive aircraft for a "joke".

To be honest, if you were my fiance, I would likely call off the wedding and the entire relationship. Your actions describe a spoiled immature child that is in no way ready to handle the responsibilities of a relationship.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Karla, you made all that up right?

If you didn’t your husband will be far better off without you in his life. And he’s more than likely correct in that you’ve obviously got more issues than he thought.

I haven’t a clue how you can recover from what you’ve done even if you had a mind to which you obviously have not.

Bob


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Karla I hope you made that up...but can't imagine why you would want to...

The best man should be decided by your soon to be (or maybe not) husband and not you. You sound ridiculous and selfish. The itching powder is just another example of ridiculous selfishness.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

On most sites, I am able to locate the IP address of the OP but not this site. Last time I looked, I coudn't find any at all but maybe I am missing something. Can anyone tell me how, please? I have tried in the past after it occurred to me some of these posts, like this one, are too ridiculous and insane to be true, and probably they are made up by the same sad person. If that public information is too private on this forum, then never mind and don't tell me. But like I said, it's public information for all to view. I'm just not able to find it on this site but maybe I'm not looking right.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> On most sites, I am able to locate the IP address of the OP but not this site. Last time I looked, I coudn't find any at all but maybe I am missing something. Can anyone tell me how, please? I have tried in the past after it occurred to me some of these posts, like this one, are too ridiculous and insane to be true, and probably they are made up by the same sad person. If that public information is too private on this forum, then never mind and don't tell me. But like I said, it's public information for all to view. I'm just not able to find it on this site but maybe I'm not looking right.


Sometimes the truth really is stranger than fiction.

Bob


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

While endangering his life may not have been your intention, I do think I agree with your fiance on this. What you did was incredibly immature, and I do think he has a very valid point that this could have had very horrific consequences. 

I also agree with him on the choice of best man. Yes, it is your wedding...as well as his. And while you get to decide most stuff, you don't get to decide everything. And one of the things you don't get to decide is who his best man will be. Not to mention...how well does he even know your brother? Are they even close? If they barely know each other, or worse, don't even like each other, then why on earth would he want your brother as his best man? Add to that..what if he gave in and asked your brother, and your brother said no? Would you then force your brother to do it, just because it's what you want? 

You don't say how old you are, but regardless of your age, it sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do. 

Give him some time and then apologize to him. Apologize profusely. And hope that's enough for him.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

My H is a blackhawk pilot, and your fiance is right. Not only did you endanger his life, but others as well. One small mistake can be disastrous. my H would have divorced me over something like that, and I have to admit, I would deserve it. 

The best man thing, that is his decision. How would you like for him to choose your matron of honor? Stop being ridiculous and trying to FORCE your opinion on him about who should be his best man. And I really fail to realize how putting itching powder in his clothes is supposed to help him see your point of view.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

I hope she is a troll.

If not, the OP has no business marrying this man. Unfortunately, she is really not fit to be the spouse of someone in uniform.


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## Karla (Oct 2, 2010)

First of all, I am not a person who wrote this because I was bored. I am not fake. This is a true story. I would not make something like this up. I did not intend to endanger his life ever. I love him. It's just I don't like his choice of best man. Honestly, I don't think I went about it the right way, but I really don't know how to convince him otherwise. He won't budge on his choice of best man. Oh, and I think I am fit to be the spouse of someone in the military.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Karla, if you pitch a temper tantrum because you don't want his best friend in your wedding, then you are never going to make it as a serviceman's, especially and aircrewman's wife. His crewmen will back him no matter what, will run into a burning plane(literally) to save him. He will do the same for them. They will eat, sleep, shower, and go to the bathroom together.
He will have a bond with his crew that you will never, ever be able to reach, understand, or come close to.
An Aircrewman will leave his wife in the hotel on their anniversary to help out one of his crew in need. He will go hungry if his buddy comes up short on the rent.
He will share his last beer with his crew. 
Think about that and then think of your childish and dangerous "prank".
This man will choose you or his career.


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## gothpig (Oct 2, 2010)

If he really loves you he would forgive hopefully but whatever you did is wrong according to me, and I know it's your wedding but don't you think that it's his wedding also?


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

1 - Yes you were majorly wrong to do what you did.

2 - You don't get to pick the best man...would you let him pick your maid of honor?

A little history on the tradition of the best man 

"Having a best man in attendance originated from the days when a man would literally kidnap his bride. When her family came rushing to rescue her, the best man was there ready to help out in a fight, both on the flight away from her home and at the service, should they decide to try and take her back. The best man would be a trusted friend who the groom could totally rely upon and so the tradition continues to this day."

Now does that better describe his best friend that he wants....or your brother, who you want.

Back off and let him have his pick of best man - I doubt he's had any say in the rest. And ask youself...a year from now, will it really matter to the success of your marriage who the best man was?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Karla said:


> First of all, I am not a person who wrote this because I was bored. I am not fake. This is a true story. I would not make something like this up. I did not intend to endanger his life ever. I love him. It's just I don't like his choice of best man. Honestly, I don't think I went about it the right way, but I really don't know how to convince him otherwise. He won't budge on his choice of best man. Oh, and I think I am fit to be the spouse of someone in the military.


Karla, have you got down on your knees and begged him to forgive you yet?

Bob


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

how old you really? 2? are you in grade school? because it sure in the hell seems like.. man, you dont want this fire from me!!! what you did was totally wrong in so many ways!!! do you realize what you could have caused?? so many people on here are right, you did a childish selfish thing.. only for you to get your way?? WTF really? are you kidding me? you need HELP!!! seriously. end of story.. 

you are a child and need to grow up.. a wedding is about 2 people who LOVE One another who Care for each other. to endangered his life was wrong!!! i would def not go thru with this wedding at ALL until you get some help

playing a prank on someone is one thing ( like cold water in shower, the water faucet thing ect) but this YOU DEF CROSSED THE LINE!!!!!



if he decides to stay with you ( i would be shocked), then he gets to choose who ever he wants!!! PERIOD!!!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Karla, have you got down on your knees and begged him to forgive you yet?
> 
> Bob


Yeah right. You don't have much of a sense of humor, Bob. :rofl: Despite me laughing hysterically.

There are two very deep and pervasive issues here. This female is not only extremely controlling, selfish, and childish, but she actually thinks she is entitled. Totally in spite of everyone telling her she has no business even thinking she has the right to select or disapprove of her groom's choice for a best man, she still insists. It was bad enough that she thought it in the first place. Secondly, she is equally determined to have her way at whatever the cost. All of which questions her ability to think and her ability to consider anyone but herself. There is no rationale here except to justify what she wants, what she did, and why she did it. This poor guy was duped into falling in love with her. Good grief I hope he comes to his senses.....before the wedding.....to figure out what she's truly like. But like so many others, he won't and will be posting on boards like this declaring her never knew until after the marriage. It is a sad state of affairs to be blinded by love and lust.


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## Karla (Oct 2, 2010)

I love him, I've apologized to him. He just said "uhh ok", and he seems to just keep avoiding me when I try to bring up what I did, he just says he doesn't even know what to say. Another thing, when it's time to do laundry, he won't let me touch his clothes now, saying he'll do it. I told him I would never do anything like that again, and he just says that he has some serious thinking to do, and he's scared to let me do his laundry. He says now when he gets in the plane he keeps thinking he's going to have start itching and crash now. I didn't think that I scared him this much. I am willing to compromise and accept his choice of best man, but I don't want him to be afraid of me like this now.


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

Karla said:


> I love him, I've apologized to him. He just said "uhh ok", and he seems to just keep avoiding me when I try to bring up what I did, he just says he doesn't even know what to say. Another thing, when it's time to do laundry, he won't let me touch his clothes now, saying he'll do it. I told him I would never do anything like that again, and he just says that he has some serious thinking to do, and he's scared to let me do his laundry. He says now when he gets in the plane he keeps thinking he's going to have start itching and crash now. I didn't think that I scared him this much. I am willing to compromise and accept his choice of best man, but I don't want him to be afraid of me like this now.


do you blame him? for christs sake lady you could have *KILLED *HIM, and i mean* PHYSICALLY*??? men and women in the military take there job VERY VERY serious!!!!! they are defending our freedoms, our rights and can not be having things like your stupid A*&^ did?? i dont blame him one bit for his actions, how does he KNOW you wont do it again? you should have NEVER EVER did that in the first place!!!!!!! and now, you are like "ok, you have your way and choose your Best man? WTF.. get help N O W!!!!!!!!! 

The simple fact that he is now AFRAID to get in his plane for fear of crashing is really bad!!!! have you ever had to fly a plane like he does? probably not! it is very stressful doing that alone, let alone NOW he has to worry about itching???

i could go on and on about what you did was wrong and totally tear into you, but, you are CHILD.. and need to def grow up HE NEEDS TO LEAVE YOU NOW!! period!!! it is NOT funny when he says stuff like he has!!!!! OMFG lady!!


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## cubsfn (Sep 23, 2010)

All I can say .. is .. wow ... just wow ...


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Sounds like something I would've done...to my brother...when we were 10!

Sorry to judge but...really? Are you that immature? You did endanger his life because instead of concentrating on flying he was concentrating on itching and scratching.

Oh and yes HE gets to choose his best man just like you choose your maid of honor or bridesmaids. 

This should be a lesson to you so next time you want to teach him a lesson...well...you don't! Just in case something irreversible happens!

P.S. if you really don't see how it could've caused him to crash, why don't you spray the powder on your own clothes and go out for a drive on the freeway, at say 80m/h?


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Do this guy a favor. Stop apologizing and release him. Tell him, "I release you from our engagement, but I ask you to wait and give me time to grow up. I love you very much, but I realize I am not ready for real life just yet." This is the right thing, the most loving and considerate thing, and the most selfless thing you can do for a person you claim to love.

The man a groom selects to stand beside him as best man is normally his best friend. It is HIS OWN BROTHER if he feels that way about his brother but if not, then it is the person he esteems closest to him. I have no idea why you thought you had a say in his choice, but that was terrible all by itself. The horror is that you were determined to have your way.....and was determined at whatever the cost. That you felt it necessary or that you could or should FORCE him to give in to your ridiculous request was so infantile that I need a new and better word for childish. That you actually did it makes me wonder what is wrong with you. There must be something wrong with you. The awful part is not what you did (which was awful by itself and endangered him and others). The truly awful part is that you did it and for the reason you did it, which was only to get your way.

Please release him and take the time to find yourself. Maybe you need counseling to understand why you are so selfish and controlling, or maybe you need to spend some time out in the real world so you come to understand it does not revolve around you. Join the Peace Corps for a few years. You will get a real taste of life and will learn to give of yourself in spite of yourself. Apologizing is good but not nearly enough. For you, to be forgiven is expected. You need to learn what the word no means. You need to learn to think and be considerate of others. You need to learn there are causes, explanations, and motivations far beyond your limited reasoning. You need to learn there are consequences in this life. Marrying him will only saddle him down to a life of unnecessary arguments and battles of will to the point of exhaustion, which can also cause his job performance to suffer. Please do not ignore me, thinking you and he will be fine, or thinking you won't do anything in the future. You will. It is you. And it will be you until you grow up.


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

DanF said:


> Yes, you have gone overboard on two counts.
> 1. We all know that the wedding is for the bride, not the groom. For this reason, the bride is allowed to make a vast majority of decisions regarding the wedding.
> For the bride to decide who will the best man will be is absurd. The groom gets his pick, end of discussion.
> 
> ...


Absolutely agreed. Sorry...but you have some growing up to do. The man decided to choose the one person he has had the closest male relationship with, for many years.....the epitome of "BEST MAN." And for some reason you feel your brother, someone he only has a relationship with because of you, should be his best man??? I too, would have run SCREAMING out of this relationship. If he were my friend, that is EXACTLY what I would tell him to do.


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

Karla said:


> I love him, I've apologized to him. He just said "uhh ok", and he seems to just keep avoiding me when I try to bring up what I did, he just says he doesn't even know what to say. Another thing, when it's time to do laundry, he won't let me touch his clothes now, saying he'll do it. I told him I would never do anything like that again, and he just says that he has some serious thinking to do, and he's scared to let me do his laundry. He says now when he gets in the plane he keeps thinking he's going to have start itching and crash now. I didn't think that I scared him this much. I am willing to compromise and accept his choice of best man, but I don't want him to be afraid of me like this now.


You don't need to "compromise." You need to soooooo completely back down, and in no certain terms, admit to him that you were ABSOLUTELY wrong. At a minimum.


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

Seriously though......who the hell keeps itching powder just lying around?


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> Do this guy a favor. Stop apologizing and release him. Tell him, "I release you from our engagement, but I ask you to wait and give me time to grow up. I love you very much, but I realize I am not ready for real life just yet." This is the right thing, the most loving and considerate thing, and the most selfless thing you can do for a person you claim to love.
> 
> The man a groom selects to stand beside him as best man is normally his best friend. It is HIS OWN BROTHER if he feels that way about his brother but if not, then it is the person he esteems closest to him. I have no idea why you thought you had a say in his choice, but that was terrible all by itself. The horror is that you were determined to have your way.....and was determined at whatever the cost. That you felt it necessary or that you could or should FORCE him to give in to your ridiculous request was so infantile that I need a new and better word for childish. That you actually did it makes me wonder what is wrong with you. There must be something wrong with you. The awful part is not what you did (which was awful by itself and endangered him and others). The truly awful part is that you did it and for the reason you did it, which was only to get your way.
> 
> Please release him and take the time to find yourself. Maybe you need counseling to understand why you are so selfish and controlling, or maybe you need to spend some time out in the real world so you come to understand it does not revolve around you. Join the Peace Corps for a few years. You will get a real taste of life and will learn to give of yourself in spite of yourself. Apologizing is good but not nearly enough. For you, to be forgiven is expected. You need to learn what the word no means. You need to learn to think and be considerate of others. You need to learn there are causes, explanations, and motivations far beyond your limited reasoning. You need to learn there are consequences in this life. Marrying him will only saddle him down to a life of unnecessary arguments and battles of will to the point of exhaustion, which can also cause his job performance to suffer. Please do not ignore me, thinking you and he will be fine, or thinking you won't do anything in the future. You will. It is you. And it will be you until you grow up.


:smthumbup: thank you for saying that, i may have a hot head sometimes, but, you put into words that i could not!!


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## Karla (Oct 2, 2010)

DailyGrind said:


> Seriously though......who the hell keeps itching powder just lying around?


I bought it from a store. Anyway that isn't important anymore though. I understand he has chosen his best man already, I will accept that. He was really stoked when his best friend accepted his request to be best man, now he seems like he doesn't even care about our upcoming wedding. I don't even know if its going to take place now. He keeps saying he doesn't want to talk about or even discuss our wedding now. It's like he doesn't care at all about it. Only thing he mentioned to me was a sarcastic comment earlier about it, when he said "I want to wear my Air Force dress uniform at the wedding, or do I have to request your permission and get approval for that too?". I don't want to let him go as easily as you all are suggesting. I know I went overboard with what I did, but I don't want him to stay bitter at me forever either


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I don't blame him. 

You didn't ALLOW him to care and when he tried to make a decision you cut him off at the knees. If this is YOUR wedding then is this going to be YOUR marriage and he not have a say in any of it? 

You did something stupid, selfish and down right mean and you broke his trust. He'd be stupid not to reconsider marrying you after the fit you threw.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Karla said:


> First of all, I am not a person who wrote this because I was bored. I am not fake. This is a true story. I would not make something like this up. I did not intend to endanger his life ever. I love him. It's just I don't like his choice of best man. Honestly, I don't think I went about it the right way, but I really don't know how to convince him otherwise. He won't budge on his choice of best man. Oh, and I think I am fit to be the spouse of someone in the military.


It should be his choice. What if he didn't like your maid of honor? Would you change her to his sister?


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

DailyGrind said:


> Seriously though......who the hell keeps itching powder just lying around?


Too funny...you're totally right.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Karla said:


> I bought it from a store. Anyway that isn't important anymore though. I understand he has chosen his best man already, I will accept that. He was really stoked when his best friend accepted his request to be best man, now he seems like he doesn't even care about our upcoming wedding. I don't even know if its going to take place now. He keeps saying he doesn't want to talk about or even discuss our wedding now. It's like he doesn't care at all about it. Only thing he mentioned to me was a sarcastic comment earlier about it, when he said "I want to wear my Air Force dress uniform at the wedding, or do I have to request your permission and get approval for that too?". I don't want to let him go as easily as you all are suggesting. I know I went overboard with what I did, but I don't want him to stay bitter at me forever either


Apologize profusely and admit you were 100% wrong and willing to change. It's your only choice. Your behavior would make me shudder and then run.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Karla said:


> He just said "uhh ok", and he seems to
> just keep avoiding me when I try to bring up what I did, he just says he doesn't even know what to say.


Because he is thinking about whether or not to kick you to the curb.


Karla said:


> Another thing, when it's time to do laundry, he won't let me touch his clothes now, saying he'll do it. I told him I would never do anything like that again, and he just says that he has some serious thinking to do, and he's scared to let me do his laundry.


Do you blame him? Your apologies must not seem very heartfelt to him. He can likely see through you as easy as everyone on this board does.



Karla said:


> He says now when he gets in the plane he keeps thinking he's going to have start itching and crash now. I didn't think that I scared him this much.


You still have not accepted the situation that your stupid little prank put him in.
Google "plane crash with pictures" and take a look at what you could have been at fault for.



Karla said:


> I am willing to compromise and accept his choice of best man, but I don't want him to be afraid of me like this now.


*Compromise? COMPROMISE?!*
You need to be on your knees begging for forgiveness!
When you set up your fiance to get killed, there's no compromise.
You still do not accept the seriousness of the situation and you fiance knows this. He is trying to convince himself that he loves you, but his gut is telling him to run away. Hopefully, he will trust his gut.
If my wife had done something as stupid as what you did when I was flying, it would have led to an immediate divorce.

Realize this, 
*YOUR FIANCE, HIS CREW, AND AN UNTOLD NUMBER OF PEOPLE ON THE GROUND COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED DUE TO YOUR "PRANK". A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR AIRCRAFT COULD HAVE BEEN DESTROYED.

DO YOU GET IT?*


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Karla said:


> First of all, I am not a person who wrote this because I was bored. I am not fake. This is a true story. I would not make something like this up. I did not intend to endanger his life ever. I love him. It's just I don't like his choice of best man. Honestly, I don't think I went about it the right way, but I really don't know how to convince him otherwise. He won't budge on his choice of best man. Oh, and I think I am fit to be the spouse of someone in the military.


Then you need to understand it's not all about you. Because if you marry him, his service comes first, and you'll have to support that as long as he's in the Air Force. That's what military spouses do. And you havn't really demonstrated that ability, it seems. You may not have meant to endanger him, but you did. It was a very extreme response to the problem at hand, don't you think????


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Find a man who accepts your brother as best man. Problem solved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2rr (Feb 21, 2010)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> I hope she is a troll.
> 
> If not, the OP has no business marrying this man. Unfortunately, she is really not fit to be the spouse of someone in uniform.


in uniform? every man in that case should wear one.


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## Angel10 (Sep 13, 2010)

It is clear to me that you are a spoil little girl. That was so wrong and immature from you. I found also that was so stupid to have an argument with your fiance about his best man pick. Let say he decides to marry you anyway, are you going to put itching powder on his clothes or do some other stupid prank just because you desagree with him. The only advice I can give you is to grow up.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Your finace is mature enough to realize that marriage goes way beyond the wedding day. Using itching powder to prove a point or get your way doesn't have love, honor or cherish anywhere in it. When thinking of spending the rest of your life with someone, you need to feel that the person will have your back, compromise on decisions and put you as a priority. Your actions show none of this and I am not surprised he is having second thoughts.

Imagine if your husband really wanted a chocolate wedding cake and you chose vanilla...so he decided to prove his point by releasing a jar of bees in your car...you get a few miles down the road and a bee stings the back of your neck...you try to stay focused on driving, then another sting on your leg...by the time you make it home are you thinking "he was right, we should get chocolate!" NO, you are probably glad you made it without going off the road, go in to tell him about it and he says 'oh, yeah, I did that to prove my point about the cake for the wedding'

Are you typically used to getting things your way, whatever the impact to others? If so, I'd hold off on thoughts of marriage.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

You need to come up with some grand gesture that illustrates that you recognize how wrong you were in all of this. You have enabled the planting of a seed of resentment that will likely color your relationship for the rest of your time together.

The choice of a best-man/groomsmen are literally the only choices most men get to make in their wedding. It's the only thing he could call his own in the face of Bridezilla and you wanted to take it away.

Now, you're willing to "compromise." That shows you still don't get it. This is not a decision you could or should have any input on whatsoever. Telling him that you will "compromise" merely rubs salt into the wound, letting him know that you really are controlling, self-centered and not fit for long-term marriage success.

My guess is that this is a big wedding with a lot of deposits already put down and whatnot...right. If this is the case, the only reason he's not calling off the marriage is because of the fuss it will cause to derail the train that has already left the station.

Plain and simple, he's torn up inside with the knowledge that he's about to make the biggest mistake of his life. And worst of all, he's trapped. He's trying to be mature and digest it. 

Your only hope for long term success is communicate, apologize, commuicate and apologize some more. He must be a great guy if he's still sticking around through this. You either get this out in the open and solved with all the humulity and sorrow you can muster or get ready to be divorced within five years. He'll put up with this now for the big event, but when you get to day-to-day living, the little princess won't always get her way. That will create pressures you can't believe and will rip you apart.

Solve this now - and get to the root of your controlling behaviors before it's too late.


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## Braelynn21203 (Oct 4, 2010)

You DID go too far. Your best bet right now is to just stop the wedding talk. After your shenanigans the LAST thing he wants to think about is marrying you, who should've known better to not endanger sooo many lives like that. And honestly, as an Air Force Spouse, you will not like the military lifestyle at all. I mean, judging by this little argument about best man, what are you going to do when hes scheduled to deploy and you disagree? Blow up his plane? Honestly, do you realize that your personal life affects him up in the air? And as a military spouse, you need to support him and his mission above all. You're selfish and he deserves better. Grow up, please, for the sake of him and his crew.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

I hope you are just pulling an online prank on us here Karla. If not lets talk about it. First off legally you committed an assault and probably reckless endangerment to boot. So when he decides to drop you to the curb I'd be really nice or he might just decide to have you thrown in jail.

You state you have decided to "compromise" and allow him to have his best friend be the best man. Are you that stupid? ITS HIS BEST MAN YOU SELF CENTERED FOOL!!

You are not ready as a human to be married. And unless you grow up a lot and soon you may never be. God help the man Who marries you. His name better be "Doormat".

I think what you need to realize, at this point, is that some things you do just cant be undone. You can't always apologize your way out of every action. What you have done has proven that your judgement can not be trusted. He knows that now and is trying to find a way out of this engagement. You indeed risked the lives of many with your little spiteful tantrum. And you did it because he had the nerve to pick his own best man...........shame on you big time!! You should be embarrassed and ashamed. Pathetic!!


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Braelynn21203 said:


> And honestly, as an Air Force Spouse, you will not like the military lifestyle at all. I mean, judging by this little argument about best man, what are you going to do when hes scheduled to deploy and you disagree? Blow up his plane? Honestly, do you realize that your personal life affects him up in the air? And as a military spouse, you need to support him and his mission above all.


:iagree:


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Karla,
You've taken a bashing. We don't always get stuff right in life, sometimes we make truly big ****ups.

Bob


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## Bluemoon7 (Jan 27, 2010)

I don't think he should marry you. You are much too immature to get married. Seriously, doing what you did to him is spiteful, sick, and something a child would do. 

Also, theoretically it's both of your wedding and he should at the very least get some say in who his best man is.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Bluemoon7 said:


> I don't think he should marry you. You are much too immature to get married. Seriously, doing what you did to him is spiteful, sick, and something a child would do.
> 
> Also, theoretically it's both of your wedding and he should at the very least get some say in who his best man is.


Come on. Karla's been bashed enough.

Let those without sin be the first to cast a stone ... and all that.

Time to back off.

Bob


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Karla said:


> Oh, and I think I am fit to be the spouse of someone in the military.


You are not fit to be spouse to anyone because you are still a small child. To teach him a lesson and make his see your way? I hope he runs for the hills!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> You are not fit to be spouse to anyone because you are still a small child. To teach him a lesson and make his see your way? I hope he runs for the hills!


Come on. Karla's been bashed enough.

Let those without sin be the first to cast a stone ... and all that.

Time to back off.

Bob


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## Karla (Oct 2, 2010)

My fiance and I finally talked things out earlier. We talked and told him how sorry I was for what I did to him. I told him no apology was probably good enough for what I did. I also told him that I am really sorry for trying to determine who his best man should be. I know that I have not really let him be too involved in the planning of our wedding. I really regret it now. I regret trying to tell him who his best man should be, and I have no problem with him wearing his Dress Blues Uniform at the wedding. It was wrong of me to try and run every aspect of the planning.

I feel so bad because as we were talking everything out, my fiance broke down crying in tears. He told me that it may have been a weird way of trying to prove a point, but he said I really didn't think about how I endangered him and other people. He is scared now to set foot in the B-1, because he thinks he's going to start itching all of a sudden and crash the plane. He was so stoked when he was selected to be a B-1 pilot, now he's scared to get in the plane, and I feel so bad about it, because I know I am the one who is to blame. I really know I screwed up big time and I obviously have really traumatized him.

I didn't know what else to do, I just held him while he was crying. What makes me feel so bad is that he said he didn't want to be dead a few weeks before his 26th birthday over itching powder. He keeps saying he is having visions of his plane crashing now. I didn't know what else to do, I just held him in my arms. I didn't think it would affect him this bad. I feel so low that my baby was crying in my arms like this. I know it's my fault, I should never have done what I did over something as stupid as the best man. People are right, I don't think I deserve him anymore


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Karla,

I love a good joke as well as anyone, but it's easy enough to get killed in a military aircraft without adding to the drama. I don't fly in bombers, but I've trusted my life many times to military pilots and I'd really hate to be scattered across the countryside along with my entire unit because someone conjured up a cute joke. That would produce an awful lot of orphans and widows. He's not in the do-over business. If he screws up, people die. In his case, lots of people, potentially, entire cities. I'd kinda like his mind entirely focused on the job of flying. You seriously have to ask if you went overboard???? You deliberately put itching powder in his FLIGHT SUIT. Where did you think he would be wearing it? You obviously have not the slightest clue what he does for a living or the focus and concentration needed for it or the incredible pressure he must be under just to do the job...in student status. If he screws up, he's washed out. If he screws up bad enough, he and everyone on board is dead.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Karla, did you stop and think what this would do to his career, if his superiors found out? I'm ex-military, and I have seen guys get court martialled and dishonorably discharged for little "pranks" their spouses pulled. He flies a B-1, which means an aircraft that may very well be carrying nuclear weapons the next time a world crisis starts, and if I was his commander, I wouldn't want a man under me with these types of issues in his personal life flying towards Iran with nukes, wondering if he's gonna freak out if the moment comes when his country is going to need him to be at his most calm and level-headed.


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## *Ann* (Aug 26, 2010)

The fact that you tramatized him is enough for him to stay far away from you. I don't know what you were thinking pulling a prank like that. I know if somebody caused me to be tramatized to that extent, I would not let them near me to get another chance to do it again. Who knows what you will do if you don't get your way in another situation that is important to you. If I were you, I would do him the favor of leaving.


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Come on. Karla's been bashed enough.
> 
> Let those without sin be the first to cast a stone ... and all that.
> 
> ...


yeah you are right but I guess everybody needs to get their "2 cents" in LOL. Besides that what else could really be said that hasn't already been said.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I guess that there is one thing left to be said. Everyone is focused on the fact that she endangered his and the crew's life. No argument from me.

But... in addition to that is the core belief that she has the right to punish him and teach him a lesson for having a viewpoint of his own. This does not bode well for a marriage (or even a friendship or a job). 

I don't see why people feel the need to rush to get married before they are barely out of knickers. Marriage will still be there tomorrow. I feel fairly strongly that most divorces start by getting married for the wrong reasons/at the wrong time in the first place.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Karla,

I won't pile on regarding your actions, beliefs, and immaturity. I think you get it.

However, I will ask you to do something before you continue your wedding plans with your fiancee.

Please go get a psychiatric evaluation. Specifically, get a psychiatric opinion on whether or not you have a personality disorder such as Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Personality Disorder.

I'm not joking. It would be a useful thing for happiness and success in life.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Karla said:


> So the other day he and I got into a pretty bad argument over the planning of our upcoming wedding. I told him I didn't like his choice of best man. He has gone and asked his best friend and former roommate from college to be his best man. My fiance is an only child and therefore doesn't have any brothers to ask. His friend has accepted too. He treats this guy like a brother, even though they aren't related. I would prefer him to ask my brother to be his best man instead. But he won't accept that, he tells me his choice of his best man is his and his alone, but I don't like that idea. It's my wedding, and I think that I should have a say in it.


Absolutely NOT! You have control over 95% of the wedding, most likely. To tell him that he has to choose YOUR choice of best man is ludicrous. Not to mention selfish, and lacking of empathy for your fiance.



> We both said some mean things to each other, and he decided to go to the gym to go cool off for a little bit after we argued. Meanwhile, I was hurt by some of the things he said to me, especially when he said I was selfish.


He was right.



> So to teach him a lesson and *to get him to see things my way about his choice of his best man*, I bought some itching powder and I sprinkled it all over all of his boxers and his flightsuits.


PLEASE explain how making him itch could possibly, in any way whatsoever, change what he thinks or believes? Seriously. I'm fascinated that you think being destructive would have any effect over who he'd like as best man.



> I really don't think he trusts me anymore. I mean, ya, I called him some names too, but is he right, did I really go too overboard? I only intended to try and *make him see my point of view*. I don't see how what I did could have caused him to crash the plane. I think he's just over-reacting honestly, and I'm hoping he'll get over it. I'm kind of scared that he doesn't want to marry me now. I don't want to lose him over this and I really regret what I did. Any suggestions as to what I should do?


I'm glad you apologized to him. But my hope for you is that you find a good therapist and start going. What you describe is not a healthy way to deal with things; marriage only gets tougher - what are you going to do when you're married and he won't do what you want - pour lighter fluid on his uniform? This isn't about him any more; it's about your belief that you have the RIGHT to do such things to the one person you supposedly love more than yourself, _just to get your way_. That is very dangerous territory.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I agree - I love a good joke too - but this wasn't a joke. 

You clearly stated you did it to get back at him and make him see your point. What point? That you are immature and probably should grow up more before you get married? Putting itching powder in his shorts is not a joke (at least not where I come from) - it's sort of like him putting a hole in your diaphram and you end up pregnant - you wouldn't think that was funny, would you?

I personally have never pulled a joke on anyone that involved harm to their physical body, I don't care who it is. So - first, I think you need to figure out why you chose to take that route to make your point - extremely juvenile and childish, something you would see in high school or early college.

Second, you don't get to pick the best man. You get to pick the maid of honor and bridesmaids, he gets to pick the best man and groomsmen - period - get over it - if you want your brother in the wedding, pick him as a groomsman, your husband to be gets to pick the best man - give it up.

It sounds to me like you need to learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way - not a juvenile way - which is what this was.

As the spouse of a retired Air Force husband and as an Air Force reitree myself - yes, you did endanger him, the rest of the crew and anyone on the ground as his itching could have caused a serious malfunction of his performance while in the air - now did you truly mean to do that - probably not - but you did pull a malicious, intended to hurt (cause extreme itching), junvenile prank (and I'm not even sure I would call it that) - all because he wants to pick his own best man and you wanted your way.

Good grief - if he won't let you buy the house you want are you going to set his car on fire? My point being - you need to get counselling on how to deal correctly with conflict - because it's obvious that you don't know how at this point.

Good luck - even though you love him, this shows an immaturity that is sure to show up more often when and if you marry. And, based on your responses you TRULY do not understand why he is so upset over this, you need to figure that out first or you guys are headed for a divorce sooner than you think.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I got nuthin'. Best of luck - yer gonna need it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I still dont see the coilition between picking a bestman and itching powder?
Is it possible that your husband will itch himself into changing his mind?
Or
Does the bestman itch alot and you have showed H the errors of his ways?
Or
Does your brother not itch and he would make a better choice?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Deejo said:


> I got nuthin'. Best of luck - yer gonna need it.


A good laugh Deejo...thanks! :smthumbup:


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

the guy said:


> I still dont see the coilition between picking a bestman and itching powder?
> Is it possible that your husband will itch himself into changing his mind?
> Or
> Does the bestman itch alot and you have showed H the errors of his ways?
> ...


Okay, that one was even better...quit it you guys! :lol:


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## Bluemoon7 (Jan 27, 2010)

Karla, it's good you are starting to realize that what you did was incredibly wrong, dangerous and has repercussions. I hope you learned and remember this lesson. You should really work on the part of you that thinks you should do such devious and vindictive things when you don't get your way. Marriage is not easy and it involves compromise and caring about the needs of you partner. Can you do that?

As far as the wedding goes, let him have a say. It is his wedding too. Be glad he cares enough about the wedding to want certain things.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Karla, I don't know what the future holds for you and your boy friend but one thing I do know for sure, please, oh please for the love of God, don't conceive!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Me and a buddy were discussing this, and one point was not yet discussed:

Karla, the Department of Defense does not take too kindly to people who endanger their multimillion dollar property and the lives of its personnel. And what happens if the FBI finds out?
You could be charged with conspiracy to destroy government property. And the Bone has 4 crewmembers, that's 4 counts of attempted manslaughter!


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I think by now Karen get's the point that she messed up with her little joke. To continue to create these "hypotheticals" is rather redundent. She screwed up, she get's it. I would of not been happy either, but methinks this little act as well as her stance on her fiance's best man will be an important learning tool for her to mature. She's not insane or bipolar, she may have been use to having her way. 

By now i'm pretty sure she's shed some tears over this, and so is her man. They will work it out and be a better couple. Karla, if this was a deal breaker he would of left you by now, no man drops his guard in front of you to shed tears, only to decide to call the whole relationship off. 

Good Luck.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I think we've beaten you up enough over this. I'm sure it can't compare to what you have put yourself through. You've seen your mistake, and they say that the hardest person in the world to forgive is yourself.
I sincerely hope that your man will forgive you and you can get past this. He sounds like a good man who is committd to making this work, otherwise, he would have given in to the knee-jerk reaction and left by now. Personally, I think his fear will be gotten over soon (perhaps he is saying he's scared to get into a Bone again as a way to punish you- he has no intention of giving that up). Perhaps it might be a good idea to see a counselor, either alone or with him, perhaps he/she could help you to find ways of dealing with disagreements more constructively. Incidentally, I am a freight train engineer who frequently hauls trains loaded with extremely hazardous chemicals thru the most densely populated areas of Chicago and the 'burbs, and, frankly, the thought of derailing a train with that stuff onboard sends shivers up my spine. Perhaps that's why this story resonated with me so much.
I do hope that you both can work through this, and someday, this may even be something you can tell the grandkids about.
And on a humorous note, play your cards right, and you've got yourself a man who will relieve you of the burden of doing the wash!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Well, is he still itchin' to get hitched?


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## Karla (Oct 2, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Well, is he still itchin' to get hitched?


We have decided to seek counseling together. We saw the base chaplain here, and he was a help. We think this might be the best thing for us right now. We also are going to couple's therapy.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

This man better not eat your cookin after an argument with you.
I wish him well, he deserves it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Karla said:


> We have decided to seek counseling together. We saw the base chaplain here, and he was a help. We think this might be the best thing for us right now. We also are going to couple's therapy.


 Great news!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Karla said:


> We have decided to seek counseling together. We saw the base chaplain here, and he was a help. We think this might be the best thing for us right now. We also are going to couple's therapy.


Well done Karla. I really wish you and your husband well.

Bob


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