# Is being alone really that bad?



## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

I recently moved out and am in the process of divorcing a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. I’m renting an apartment and on my own for the first time in my life and I have to be honest....I LOVE IT!!!!!

Aside from not seeing my kids every night,which is tough, I love it. I get my kids at least a few nights a week so I spend a good amount of time with them so that makes it easier, but aside from that... I feel great for the first time in a long time. I come home and do WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want. I don’t answer to anyone... I don’t have to check in if I’m going to be late, I don’t have to have a discussion about what’s for dinner... I just eat what I want when I want. I come and go as I please... I’m living the dream lol

So my issue is this...everyone I know wants me to get on a dating site or set me up with someone. More than a couple of my friends wives have mentioned that they have a friend who always liked me....I’m flattered but, I don’t really care.

I love where I’m at right now and I don’t want dating/relationships to ruin it and no one seems to understand that. Everyone seems to think being alone is bad for some reason but honestly...being alone makes me feel so good and no one seems to understand that...

Why do people hate being alone so much? And why is it that people feel the need to make you be in a relationship?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Learning to live alone as you’ve found has many positive things. Plus it’ll make you a better person as well if you work at it.

It amazes me how at how many people are codependent on others.

Your life is yours to live as you please.

The only one who controls that is you


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Yeah I dont get it either with your friends. Just tell them you are happy for the first time in a long time and you want to enjoy this new freedom to the fullest. If you already have, you might have to stop hanging out with them. I would tell them that too btw,

"listen, I understand you want me to be happy. I assure you I'm the most happy I've been in so long that I'm going to keep this feeling going for as long as possible. If you keep trying to take this away from me by trying to get me to hook up, I'm going to have to end our friendship here because you are starting to interfere with my happiness and that is all I'm about right now. So get on board or we say our goodbyes now"

Shoooooot you think only women are like "I dont need no man to make me happy" cause ladies, we dont really need y'all either. We just dont go around rubbing it in your faces is the only difference. If you women only knew how happy we men are with a night alone, you would probably think we didn't love you. 

Come on fellas, is there any better feeling then when you come home from work and you just remembered your wife and kids are gone for the evening when you open the garage and see the other car gone. Its like this wave of "OMG I have the house to myself!!" Just this euphoric excitement tingles through your entire body. If your wife could ever feel that feeling you get in that moment, she would seriously question your love for her. 

Dude you are getting that feeling every single day! I'm personally very happy for you. I hope your excitement and feelings of joy at your new appartment and single life last as long as they possibly can. Cheers my man!


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

Being alone after being in a relationship, and perhaps a particularly bad one, can do wonders for the soul. It gives you a chance to really be your own person and dictate how you want to live your life. I would imagine though that after a while the novelty of being alone would wear and one would want to seek some kind of companionship. However, having kids, that person would have to be a perfect fit into your life and theirs. So Enjoy being alone for now. Sounds like you got a great start!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Enjoy it while you can!

Needless to say, it gives you a whole new perspective on ever reembarking upon the institution of marriage!*


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## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

I think it's hard for some people who happiest in a relationship to comprehend other's thrive when they're single.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

It makes perfect sense actually. 

Especially after coming out of a bad relationship/marriage. 

I have read at least chunks of your other threads and my humble analysis is you have spent many years trying to make yourself into someone your wife would like and desire and all you ever got to show for it was being served a turd sandwich for lunch. You bended and twisted and contorted yourself for years trying to be what you thought she would want only to face more rejection and dismissiveness. 

So yeah, I'm sure it's great to be able to be yourself and not have to chase that windmill day and night without ever anything to show for it. 

Your wife also showed some emotional abuse IMHO and that lead to not only a dissatisfying relationship but also a downright toxic one so simply getting out of that environment is in and of itself therapeutic. 

It is quite common for people to spend so much time and energy trying to resuscitate a dying a relationship that once the relationship finally ends, they feel like a ton of dead weight has been lifted off their shoulders and now they can finally do the things they want to do and be the person they want to be. 

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal and healthy and it is good indicator that you are doing the right thing.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Now as far as the dating, I have a couple things to say about this. 

The first is if you aren't up for that yet and just want to come home, put your feet up and watch a marathon session of 'The Walking Dead" on Netflix in your underwear for days on end - that is your prerogative. Knock yourself out and enjoy it to the fullest. 

You just got out of a soul-crushing relationship so if you want some time to just do your own thing, then so be it. 

In time you may eventually realize that you have an awesome life and that you would like to share it with someone else. You can cross that bridge when you get to it. Sounds like you will have plenty of options and opportunities when that time comes. 

But in the mean time, do what you want to do; don't do what you don't want to do. 

As long as everything is safe and legal and as long as kids are being fed and getting to school on time, there really isn't much else that truly has to be done. 

ENJOY!!!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I amJack said:


> So my issue is this...everyone I know wants me to get on a dating site or set me up with someone. More than a couple of my friends wives have mentioned that they have a friend who always liked me....I’m flattered but, I don’t really care.
> 
> And why is it that people feel the need to make you be in a relationship?


Now I want to share an observation that I think I am starting to catch on to about people trying to set you up. 

Over the years I have noticed that people treat someone going through a break up differently depending on if they think they were in a good match to begin with or not. 

If someone was in a relationship with somebody that they thought was good match or even a little out the other partner's league, people tend to assume that you are crushed and they tend to be all sympathetic and pat you on the back and say, "Oh that's terrible. There There."
and then they hand them a box of tissues and tell them to eat ice cream. 

But on the other hand, if people think that you were involved with someone that was not a good match for you and was below your league, they tend to be very supportive of the break up and are anxious to set you up with someone they know that they think would be a worthy match. 

The fact that people are being supportive and offering to set you up a week after you moved out and likely haven't even filed for divorce yet, indicates to me that everyone in your circle has known for a long time that your STBX wasn't a good match and they are anxious for you to move on and find someone better. 

Your friends knew she was a bad apple long before you did.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> Yeah I dont get it either with your friends.


Some people like to think of themselves as master networkers. Notice how some people like to note that they introduced the members of an ongoing couple?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah, I agree. I've lived on my own for a few years. If people suggest dating sites etc, I know they mean well, but I tell them I haven't really got the _time_, I'm a bit too busy. 

A woman now would need to be remarkably un-demanding to fit into my week. I don't want to spend Saturday in Ikea ever again.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Slartibartfast said:


> The truth is that, if you can't be happy alone, you won't be happy in a relationship.


Truer words have never been spoken!


HI Jack,
Glad to see you have tried to start a new life for yourself. It's going to be a long road, but a worth while one. Don't let other people get to you. You are comfortable right now being alone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just tell them that you are having way to much fun finding yourself and that you want to enjoy the journey. Thank them for their concern and just do your own thing man. Take no prisoners!

Wish you the best.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Count the years in the relationship. From the day you met to the day you moved out. Divide that number by 10. Feel free to tell anyone trying to set you up that you know it is unhealthy to date anyone until you have lived alone for at least that amount of time. Most reasonable people will respect a self imposed safety boundary. Even if you double that time. By then you can tell them that you are now sure you don't need a relationship in your life.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I amJack said:


> I recently moved out and am in the process of divorcing a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. I’m renting an apartment and on my own for the first time in my life and I have to be honest....I LOVE IT!!!!!
> 
> Aside from not seeing my kids every night,which is tough, I love it. I get my kids at least a few nights a week so I spend a good amount of time with them so that makes it easier, but aside from that... I feel great for the first time in a long time. I come home and do WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want. I don’t answer to anyone... I don’t have to check in if I’m going to be late, I don’t have to have a discussion about what’s for dinner... I just eat what I want when I want. I come and go as I please... I’m living the dream lol
> I hear you brother! It is one of the joys of being single and living on your own.
> ...


Because they are afraid they will have to actually look themselves in the eye and know they will probably not like what they see - codependent, clingy, insecure, beaten, whipped, broken. As the old saying goes, you can never love another until you love yourself. I think most people would rather pretend they love another and avoid their own issues.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Take it from a guy that lived most of his long life alone.............it ain't bad at all.
In fact, pretty darn good.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Based on my experience and my observations of others - being alone is much better than being with someone you don't want to be with but nearly as good as being with someone you love that also loves you.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

I would also add that you should never marry someone that isn't happy or at least content being alone. People who need someone to "complete" them often find that they need someone different to complete them. People that are whole on their own make better partners.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Laurentium said:


> . I don't want to spend Saturday in Ikea ever again.


That is priceless! LOL

I've never had to go to Ikea but I am starting to feel the same way about ever having the Kardashians on the TV again or another cat coming into the house.


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## Down_And_Out (May 3, 2017)

I don't like being alone but mainly for sex. If I got that on a regular I wouldn't mind.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Being alone in the sense of not being in an intimate relationship is not uncommon. Most are still out and about and relating. It's when things like social anxiety,putting up walls out of fear of emotional pain etc. push a person to isolate that there is a cause for concern.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

And here it comes. the assumptions.

Is it an emotional wall due to fear, if you refuse to play a rigged game?

Is it social anxiety if you are avoiding a rebound relationship?

If you are not "out and about relating", are you sick?


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## ericthesane (May 10, 2013)

Being alone is not bad. What is bad is being lonely when in the company of others that you should reasonably expect is there for you (like a spouse 

Enjoy yourself in your own company, and in that of others when it happens on YOUR terms.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

You can be in a relationship without giving up all of your freedom. Enjoy being on your own for now and if you change your mind then be open to having a relationship under the guidelines that you are comfortable with. A great relationship is when two people want the same thing and want it together. Having to change for someone else is not the hallmark of success.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

I amJack said:


> I recently moved out and am in the process of divorcing a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. I’m renting an apartment and on my own for the first time in my life and I have to be honest....I LOVE IT!!!!!
> 
> Aside from not seeing my kids every night,which is tough, I love it. I get my kids at least a few nights a week so I spend a good amount of time with them so that makes it easier, but aside from that... I feel great for the first time in a long time. I come home and do WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want. I don’t answer to anyone... I don’t have to check in if I’m going to be late, I don’t have to have a discussion about what’s for dinner... I just eat what I want when I want. I come and go as I please... I’m living the dream lol
> 
> ...


I was married 12 years and in that time become just dad/husband and bill payer and that seemed to be my only purpose in life, so once I became single my entire world was gone and I did not know what to do with myself, I had no close friends, no family, no hobbies and did not even know what i wanted to do with my life or future so was very depressed. I also did not want to be in any relationship ever again and refused to be set up with any people in the area. Sex was something I missed though so I joined Online dating but am not really the type who can go out and sleep with a bunch of people without having some connection to them so that didn't help either. 

I think if my family and close friends were in this country I would have recovered much faster and been fine being alone from the beginning apart from the worry i had for my kids and regaining my old hobbies or taking part in my friends hobbies with them, it took me a few months to feel good again, get a new routine, get social and start mingling with new friends etc.

I am in a new fairly serious relationship and trying to ensure i do not make same mistakes again, keep my own identity, have my own time, make time for friends and still do what i want to do when i want to do it.

You are the only person responsibly for your happiness so if your happy single that's great


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, from your posting history, it seems like you've been "alone" for - at most - a couple of weeks. If that's the case, then your friends who are trying to set you up are just_ insane_. No one is ready to be a functional relationship partner for someone new, mere weeks after ending a long-term relationship. You divorce cannot even be approaching final yet! 

At best, you're primed for a rash of nsa sexual hookups, which might not be a bad thing but shouldn't be confused with actual relationships. At worst, dating would just set you up for a really awful rebound relationship with the first even moderately sane woman who pays you some attention. A rebound which will invariable implode in spectacular fashion somewhere down the line. Just tell your _severely_ over-eager friends to buzz off. 

Work on ironing out the divorce settlement and making your new place somewhere that's welcoming to, and meets the needs of, your two special-needs children. Learn to be happy on your own. After your divorce is final and you've got some distance and clarity, then you'll be much more ready to be a functional, healthy, partner for a new woman if you want to meet one. 

But, of course, not being with someone is also a perfectly valid option. Plenty of people are perfectly happy alone. At that point, if anyone tries to pressure you into dating, just tell them that you're happy as you are and aren't looking for anything else.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> And here it comes. the assumptions.
> 
> Is it an emotional wall due to fear, if you refuse to play a rigged game?
> 
> ...


What assumptions? This wasn't directed at the OP,but as a reply to the question. It's my opinion based on my own life experience. Maybe I should have qualified it by saying it can be a cause for concern instead of it is a cause for concern.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There's a big difference between living alone and living lonely.

You might be like a ship freed of a sheet anchor that was always holding it back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Laurentium said:


> Yeah, I agree. I've lived on my own for a few years. If people suggest dating sites etc, I know they mean well, but I tell them I haven't really got the _time_, I'm a bit too busy.
> 
> A woman now would need to be remarkably un-demanding to fit into my week. I don't want to spend Saturday in Ikea ever again.


I like Ikea! Well, mainly the food hall with the rye bread, the Reindeer meet burgers and so on.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I agree with the OP. I would rather be single. 

After the divorce, my first inclination was to get out there and replace what I had just lost. As time went on, I realized how much effort I had been investing into my marriage, and getting nothing but lies and infidelity in return. Now, I put all that effort into me and raising my kids. 

It is actually quite liberating to not have to be thinking about someone else, considering their opinion, asking permission, and trying to keep them happy.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I amJack said:


> And why is it that people feel the need to make you be in a relationship?


Misery loves company. They can't stand seeing you happy on your own!


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

You're MGTOW without all the misogyny, self-loathing, and bitterness.

For well over a decade I grinded, I came last, no hobbies, friends, just work and doing what everyone else wanted. I didn't have underwear that weren't in tatters. I've since been doing things I want to do routinely, hiking with a few people then stopping for drinks after it's done, painting, reading, gardening, running in a club, brewing beer, etc... 

It's extremely liberating to lift out of that fog and realize that you're a person, with wants, needs, desires, goals, dreams, and actually start doing things that make you happy. It shocks the **** out of everyone around you though.

But in reality if you spend your life just grinding for others, they really don't give a **** or appreciate it anyway. It's a "what have you done for me lately world". Once I realized that I allowed myself to start actually living life instead of being a martyr.

I couldn't imagine the peace and serenity of my own place. If and when that time comes I couldn't see me giving that up for anything. Congratulations to you, you are a free man.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Alone is bad? Certainly not. I married young and remained married for decades. I had enough loneliness in that marriage to last several lifetimes. Now? I'm still as giddy with my freedom as the day my divorce was final.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Openminded said:


> Alone is bad? Certainly not. I married young and remained married for decades. I had enough loneliness in that marriage to last several lifetimes.


This is an excellent point. I can remember a significant portion of my marriage where I essentially commuted, worked, commuted, cracked open a beer, drank till good and buzzed, got up and repeated it until the weekend where I spent all day working on some BS project just so I didn't have to deal with my wife. No meaningful interaction with my family or friends, wife was off doing something she wanted to do. It was such a miserable existence and extremely lonely. 

You CAN be married and surrounded by family and still be very lonely and invisible.

When people say "only you can make yourself happy" they're right.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You always hear people say the nice thing about being single is you can do what you want when you want. I have a tad different philosophy, for me the nice thing about being single is I NEVER have to do anything I don't want to. 

I had a woman tell me recently that there was something wrong with me, she suggested I go to the doctor and have a complete workup because she suspected I was suffering from low testosterone or other issues. Her exact words were "it's definitely not normal" to be alone. I honestly felt sorry for her.


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## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

I like living alone. I may want companionship from time to time, but I have no desire to pick dirty underwear up off the floor or clean whiskers out of the sink!

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I tell people who divorce that they shouldn't be dating for AT LEAST a year, and not seriously for at least two. It takes a long time to work through the psychological stuff. Why do you have to listen to what people say, anyway?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

turnera said:


> I tell people who divorce that they shouldn't be dating for AT LEAST a year, and not seriously for at least two. It takes a long time to work through the psychological stuff. Why do you have to listen to what people say, anyway?


But you think people should listen to you when you say they shouldn't date 1-2 years?????

Everyone has their own schedule of events and timelines. It's perfectly normal and OK for someone to want to do some Netflix marathons on the couch and not mess with dating for awhile after a divorce. 

But other people are ready to get out and date on Tuesday. 

Setting any kind of arbitrary time limit on when someone should or should not date is silly. 

Just because someone may have been married for 20 years, does not mean that that marriage hadn't been dead for many years and they are ready to get out and date again once they have the boxes moved into their new place. 

And conversely , someone else may not ever want to date or have a relationship again. 

Those things depend on the people and on their own personal experiences and temperments and have absolutely zero with the amount of time since the divorce.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*shrug*

Suit yourself, oldshirt. I've been doing this a long time. I've seen all sorts. But in 20 or so years, I've found MAYBE 5 guys who were ready to 'get out there' after a couple of months and have it actually turn out ok. Actually, I can't even name 5. Dozens and dozens have SAID they were ready. And then they came back a year, 2 years, 5 years later and said..."y'all were right. I thought I had it all under control. And it was a total screwup. For all parties involved."


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

After what you have been through, enjoy. Looking back on it all and learning from your mistakes will make your next relationship (I'm sure you will not remain single the rest of your life) that much better. Also being singe and experiencing being able to act on the sexual interest of other woman will do wonders in helping you get your confidence (and balls) back. 

Good luck out there


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

I love living alone. It is the best thing I have ever done. I am not sure I could ever live with another person again, to be honest.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My mom never remarried. She told me she'd be damned if she'd turn herself into a pretzel to please another person again.


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## Pickles11111 (Dec 12, 2017)

I amJack said:


> I recently moved out and am in the process of divorcing a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. I’m renting an apartment and on my own for the first time in my life and I have to be honest....I LOVE IT!!!!!


i have been in your position, and felt the same way at the time,

i think its natural for everybody to feel this way after a long term relationship,

however that feeling will wear off in due time, as it did for me


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

turnera said:


> *shrug*
> 
> Suit yourself, oldshirt. I've been doing this a long time. I've seen all sorts. But in 20 or so years, I've found MAYBE 5 guys who were ready to 'get out there' after a couple of months and have it actually turn out ok. Actually, I can't even name 5. Dozens and dozens have SAID they were ready. And then they came back a year, 2 years, 5 years later and said..."y'all were right. I thought I had it all under control. And it was a total screwup. For all parties involved."


I do not doubt what you are saying. 

Relationships are hard and tricky. Most relationships do not last a lifetime. I am no longer in contact with a single person I went to kindergarten with. I have first cousins I have not seen or spoken to in many years. I am still in occasional contact with a few of my high school friends but there are several other friends that were very close friends in school that I have not had any contact with for decades. 

My point is, very few relationships last forever and use remarrying and death-do-us-part as the standard following a divorce is not really fair. 

Most people are not going to remarry the first person or two they date after divorce and live happily ever after. That does not mean they have to sit on the shelf for some kind of arbitrary waiting period. 

If they want to get out and date, they should do so. 

If they want to sit on the couch in their underwear and play with the cats, that is fine too.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I don't understand people who are trying to set you up when you aren't even divorced yet. Its crazy. You are clearly not anywhere near being ready for that, even if you wanted to. 
For me it was 4 years before I felt in anyway ready for another relationship, but it was different for me because I was coping alone with 3 hurting teenagers 24/7. I had no free time and no energy to be able to do anything for myself, keeping the family and home going alone was completely draining me. 

I actually love being married, I am now 12 years into my second marriage, and I much prefer it to being alone, but of course it depends on the marriage, I would far rather be alone that be in a bad marriage. I do know however, that I could never have left my children no matter what.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

turnera said:


> I tell people who divorce that they shouldn't be dating for AT LEAST a year, and not seriously for at least two. It takes a long time to work through the psychological stuff. Why do you have to listen to what people say, anyway?



I would say more like 2 years. Thats what most experts advise.


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## Spring123 (Dec 13, 2017)

I amJack said:


> I recently moved out and am in the process of divorcing a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. I’m renting an apartment and on my own for the first time in my life and I have to be honest....I LOVE IT!!!!!
> 
> Aside from not seeing my kids every night,which is tough, I love it. I get my kids at least a few nights a week so I spend a good amount of time with them so that makes it easier, but aside from that... I feel great for the first time in a long time. I come home and do WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want. I don’t answer to anyone... I don’t have to check in if I’m going to be late, I don’t have to have a discussion about what’s for dinner... I just eat what I want when I want. I come and go as I please... I’m living the dream lol
> 
> ...


At least you get to control your room temperature. We're always having "heat wars."


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> I would say more like 2 years. Thats what most experts advise.


I agree, but I get SO much pushback on this forum when I say that, that I have toned it back to one year, lol.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

turnera said:


> I agree, but I get SO much pushback on this forum when I say that, that I have toned it back to one year, lol.


Yes I have noticed that as well. :surprise:
A man called Jim Smoke, who has counselled thousands of divorcing and divorced people, and who started the divorce recover workshops, advises 2-3 years. He says he has seen so many people jump into new relationships/marriages far too soon and they nearly always end in disaster. He also says that many people do this to try and full the empty gap left by the marriage ending and once they recover more they realise that this person isn't what they want. 
I would agree with him. 
I have even seen 3 men whose wives actually died jump very quickly into another relationship and marry just one year later. How can anyone be recovered enough from the death of their spouse in a few weeks or months????


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Another thing I tell people who are eager to jump into dating so as to 'fix' their bruised ego is, if you're going to see someone new, do NOT see them more than once a week for at least 2 or 3 months. Why? Because the PEA chemicals you get from repeated contact create a high in your brain (love is blind) that makes you forget all reason and overlook faults you would have otherwise walked away from. The 2 or 3 months allows you to take it slow and see them in many situations so you get a glimpse of the real person.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

turnera said:


> Another thing I tell people who are eager to jump into dating so as to 'fix' their bruised ego is, if you're going to see someone new, do NOT see them more than once a week for at least 2 or 3 months. Why? Because the PEA chemicals you get from repeated contact create a high in your brain (love is blind) that makes you forget all reason and overlook faults you would have otherwise walked away from. The 2 or 3 months allows you to take it slow and see them in many situations so you get a glimpse of the real person.


That's great advice. I'm more than a year in, and have zero interest in dating at all, but I will keep this info in mind if ever I do date again. Very wise.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, I've lost count of the people on here who've gone heavy into a new person - calling every day, seeing them every other day - and when we tried to show them red flags...nope. She's perfect. 

Until she wasn't.


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## Mithan (Sep 2, 2016)

I amJack said:


> I recently moved out and am in the process of divorcing a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. I’m renting an apartment and on my own for the first time in my life and I have to be honest....I LOVE IT!!!!!
> 
> Aside from not seeing my kids every night,which is tough, I love it. I get my kids at least a few nights a week so I spend a good amount of time with them so that makes it easier, but aside from that... I feel great for the first time in a long time. I come home and do WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want. I don’t answer to anyone... I don’t have to check in if I’m going to be late, I don’t have to have a discussion about what’s for dinner... I just eat what I want when I want. I come and go as I please... I’m living the dream lol
> 
> ...




Here is the thing:
There is NOTHING wrong with being alone. In fact, you should do it and you should ignore the people pushing things on you because being alone is the only way you will truly appreciate everything that life has to offer. In my view, you need some time to heal anyways, probably 2 or 3 years. In fact, your relationship may have even failed because back when you got married, you felt you SHOULD NOT be alone, and ran from relationship to relationship. I would like to know how many people got married to the wrong person because they felt that they couldn't be alone. I know plenty of people who do this all the time, jumping from one wreck to another because of some fear of being alone. It is almost as if being with the wrong person is better than being with themselves. 

I am 41. I just got married this past summer, after being *gasp* alone!!! *gasp* since high school (couple long term girlfriends in that time). People told me it was wrong, but you know what, my friends, family, etc were enough and I wasn't going to date somebody *just cause*. I met my current wife, we clicked and wanted the same things and had the same morals/values, wanted to raise a family, etc so we decided to get married. I miss certain parts of being alone obviously (did what I wanted, didn't worry about others, etc) and it certainly wasn't some "condition". 

Being alone has a lot of great things going for it. Just remember, you ARE alone, so it does come with some negatives as well, but being alone is preferable to being together with the wrong person in my view. 

Do what you feel inside and don't hesitate to tell others to mind their own business (in a nice way of course, unless they persist).



Humans are social creatures, we derive a lot of net self worth out of being desirable to others, having friends, being in a relationship, etc, etc. Obviously, some people don't care, but the majority DO care and when they see their friends (male or female) being alone, they automatically assume (probabyl correctly most of the time) that those friends are yearning for somebody, so they try to help them out. Don't get upset, it is just the way society is built. You, need to take control and politely turn that off of you to give yourself a period to re-evaluate your life and decide what you want going forward over the coming years. Maybe in 5 or 10 years, you will find that yearning to share your life with somebody again. Or not.

Good luck


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

To me being alone is me and a woman. That is all I need in life. I have never lived "alone" with just me. I have always has a woman live with me. When my wife is out for the night it gets lonely. I need someone to love, to love me and to talk to. However, I am a loner in that I have no friends and like it that way. I have hobbies but they are all the kind you do alone. My wife has friends and we socialize with them on rare occasions. I enjoy it in small doses. 

I was engaged then then broke up when she cheated. Then I got engaged in my next girlfriend and broke up when she could not emigrate to the US due to a drug conviction. The next girlfriend lived with me but wanted an open relationship. There was no love between us, just lots of sex. Then I met my wife and got engage 13 days later. Married for 45 years. We have relocated our residence 13 times so my wife and I are used to being each other's friend.

Should I get divorced as you are, I would probably initially enjoy my single life but end up living with a girl again. That is just the way I am. There is nothing wrong with being alone. To many it is a mental problem but in fact, it is not. No obligations and you get to do things the way you want to. No more compromising about what movie to see with your friends. No one calling you up to help them move or to invite you to every party they have for their kids. It is nice to live life doing things the way you want them and not being concerned about what the others want. See how it goes and then decide.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

On the other hand, if you hop from woman to woman just so that you are NOT alone, that could be a sign of codependency. Which is NOT healthy.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Alone has a foreboding sound to it. Yes? Living single sounds much better because you are happily living.


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*Nothing wrong with being alone. It gets old though. Like tonight, I am sitting here alone on a Christmas Eve (well now it's Christmas) for the first time in 21 years, or more. I don't remember the last time I was alone like this. And I don't like it.*


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

> Is being alone really that bad?


I *loved* it.

I didn't have to cater to anyone but myself. If I wanted to eat Cocoa Pebbles for dinner while watching the shows that I recorded earlier, I could. If I wanted to wear my robe all day on Saturday and be lazy, I could. I loved that my place was clean when I left for work in the morning and when I got back home, it was STILL clean.

There's *a lot* to be happy about when you're on your own. You can date - or not. You can go out and have a blast with new suitors and not to have to answer to anybody. You get taken to some fabulous places for a weekend get-away - the Borgata in Atlantic City or a nice villa in a charming 'village' vacation resort in PA, a week long cruise to the Caribbean with fantastic ports of call, etc. What's not to like about that? 

If I needed something 'manly' done (like changing a tire or moving something heavy), I had a few male admirers who were more than happy to help me out. :grin2:

I had such a good time that one year on my own before I was dragged back off the market, kicking and screaming.

I miss the hell out of it. I really do.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I amJack said:


> I recently moved out and am in the process of divorcing a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. I’m renting an apartment and on my own for the first time in my life and I have to be honest....I LOVE IT!!!!!
> 
> Aside from not seeing my kids every night,which is tough, I love it. I get my kids at least a few nights a week so I spend a good amount of time with them so that makes it easier, but aside from that... I feel great for the first time in a long time. I come home and do WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want. I don’t answer to anyone... I don’t have to check in if I’m going to be late, I don’t have to have a discussion about what’s for dinner... I just eat what I want when I want. I come and go as I please... I’m living the dream lol
> 
> ...



I get where you're coming from. I've been divorced for 7 years, and I'm still alone and loving it. I can relate that I can do what I want when I want. Maybe that feels more liberating to us than it does other people. 

I guess people are just wired differently. Some people can't stand the thoughts of being alone; therefore, that guides their search for a partner, and people who are in a relationship feel it's their calling to set all the single people up on a date. After all, they must be miserable since they're single. Right? That's not true with everyone.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

s


I amJack said:


> I recently moved out and am in the process of divorcing a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. I’m renting an apartment and on my own for the first time in my life and I have to be honest....I LOVE IT!!!!!
> 
> Why do people hate being alone so much? And why is it that people feel the need to make you be in a relationship?


They do this because that is the right thing for them. 
And people enjoy being Matchmakers. 
It is a nice, 'feel good' gesture to do for a friend.

In your case, you are not ready, may never be ready. I doubt this. Enjoy this life style while you can. :smile2:

For some people, I will call them artists, need another person to complete their life portrait.

This/these artists need a soul to study, from their head to their feet, to feel their particular nuances and good essential qualities.
They need other people to complete themselves. To have another person, so as to show off their own good side. 

Another person to reach out and touch and caress. And to be caressed in return.
To have another set of lips to smash yours against. To run you hands up and down and hear their sighs.

It is the sharing part that is missing in the solitary part. 
Hearing your own loving voice echo in a room with no one to hear it.

Too lonely for me.
Might be good for awhile, while you heal.

Then I would just go out and get another, another person, a woman in my case, to rub up against.



The Typist-


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I also enjoy how drama-free my life is without a relationship. It's like I'm in control of everything, which is a good thing for me.

Everybody had their own definition of drama, and I won't spend four paragraphs trying to define it, and perhaps that is not even the right word for what I mean. I hear of other families who have a crazy aunt, or there is always someone that everybody else just doesn't get along with, it's stressful trying to figure out how to plan all the gatherings for holidays, and then somebody isn't pleased with it, and I could go on forever. Those things may not seem like huge deals, but they are things I can easily live without. 

I'm so drama-free now that it's unreal, and I love it.


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## WildMustang (Nov 7, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I *loved* it.
> 
> I didn't have to cater to anyone but myself. If I wanted to eat Cocoa Pebbles for dinner while watching the shows that I recorded earlier, I could. If I wanted to wear my robe all day on Saturday and be lazy, I could. I loved that my place was clean when I left for work in the morning and when I got back home, it was STILL clean.
> 
> ...


Amen, Sister! Tell it like it is! :grin2:


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