# She has left me and our two kids after 17yrs of marriage



## paulp (Oct 18, 2010)

Well, it a long story. My wife and i have been married for 17yrs. I am 46 and she is 43. Our kids are 18(M) and 15(F). My 18yr old boy is high functioning autistic. I am in the military and have been for 22yrs now. I have been on two tour overseas and just returned from a 30 day tour at the end of August. Partway into Sept my wife tells me that she is leaving for a couple of days as she is unhappy in our marriage. I asked her if there was another man and she said no. She came home at one point for 3days. During that time i found out that there had been another man. A co-worker of hers(he is married with kids and is 35yrs old). She left again. Since she left she has had no contact with our children other than an email to my daughter, explaining that she left. My daughter got it in school. Bad day there. My wife's affair began when i went overseas. All the time i was there she was telling me how she loved me etc in emails and such. While she was seeing this guy. They are now supposedly over each other. He has been kicked out of his home and my wife is staying with friends. She has maintained that she has never had sexual relations with this guy. I actually believe that. She has sought to get back together a couple of times only to back down at the last second. Still no communication with our kids and our kids do not want to see her. No one in either my wifes or my family understands her right now. They are disgusted with her for what she has done(cheating,leaving kids). She has no one to turn to but her friends. I have begged her to come home, to work on being a family again. She says no. I just want to retire, move back to our hometown and start the next chapter in life. With her. Surrounded by family. What would make a loving, family oriented woman do this? Can I get her back? How do I get her back?


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## paulp (Oct 18, 2010)

Just some more info:

She says she was bored. That she wanted more out of life. She is a waitress in a local restaraunt. She sayad she loves her job and that she is happier there than at home. She felt unneeded at home as the kids have less demands on her now that they are older.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Cheaters will do bizarre things. They are willing to toss a family in a heartbeat. Perhaps she is seeing someone different. You may find "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman to be helpful at this point.

Hang in there! I know how tough this can be.


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## dazedbeauty (Sep 25, 2010)

Maybe she is in a deep depression and needs medication? Have you suggested seeing a family doctor and counseling? Have you spoken with her friends or has she made you out to be the bad guy? Either way, cheating is way wrong and her life us definitely spinning out of control. Could she have some how gotten mixed up in the wrong crowd or started abusing alcohol and/ or drugs? 
I hope things work out for the best for all involved and THANK YOU for serving our country and sacrificing so much.
db
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paulp (Oct 18, 2010)

@827 Aug: I'll have a look at that book. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

@dazedbeauty: She has admitted that she needs counselling. I am trying to set that up through the military. Just a very slooooow process. Yes she is spinning out of control. No drugs or bad crowd though. Thanks so very much for your kind words on my military service. 

Update: She has finally emailed our kids. Wants to be their mom but does not want to come home. Even though both kids asked her to. I would be very happy if she came home first for the kids and then worked with myself and counsellors to rebuild what we have lost. She refuses at this point. I just don't understand how a wonderful loving mother and family could walk away from her children and family. Just up and walk away.


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

paulp said:


> @827 Aug: I'll have a look at that book. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
> 
> @dazedbeauty: She has admitted that she needs counselling. I am trying to set that up through the military. Just a very slooooow process. Yes she is spinning out of control. No drugs or bad crowd though. Thanks so very much for your kind words on my military service.
> 
> Update: She has finally emailed our kids. Wants to be their mom but does not want to come home. Even though both kids asked her to. I would be very happy if she came home first for the kids and then worked with myself and counsellors to rebuild what we have lost. She refuses at this point. I just don't understand how a wonderful loving mother and family could walk away from her children and family. Just up and walk away.


I think by leaving her kids to be with her lover , has shown she doesn't care for her faimly . You will be losing your self-respect if you beg her to come back . She doesn't want to come back , but ideally she shouldn't have been given the option of coming back home while she is going out with other man . You can never get her back until she faces the consequences . So far she has been walking all over you . Its time to wake up .Get rid of her asap .


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## paulp (Oct 18, 2010)

@Bestplayer: You nailed it correctly. Just caught her and her boytoy at a local hotel. Had a gut feeling and followed it. Second hotel i cruised....there's my car in the back. Sucks but at least I now have closure and can start moving forward. Doormat and fool no more!!!!

Thanks to all for your advise and kind words. I am just so thankful that my kids are with me and that I can be there in their time of need.


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