# Update on my situation - Finally told the hubs I wanted a divorce



## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

I posted to TAM awhile ago about finally coming to grips with wanting a divorce, but even then I still felt that somehow I was dreading hurting him and being the bad guy... so I procrastinated and was just taking things “one day at a time”. 

Well, after some very real physical manifestations of stress, I finally told him this week that its over. He was devastated. Says that he’s been doing the IC, taking his medication etc - but it’s too late. I’ve spent years watching him spiral and doing just nothing and it’s fundamentally altered how I feel about him and how I view him. 

I told my family and his as well because I know they will need to help him put one foot in front of the other. Last day and a half has been me giving him some space to come to grips with all of this... and I’m trying to find an attorney. 

It all feels so surreal... but I felt a huge relief to finally get this off of my chest. Anyways... now to actually begin to do the hard work and be just another single cat lady with kids. Awesome right?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

TXTraveller said:


> I posted to TAM awhile ago about finally coming to grips with wanting a divorce, but even then I still felt that somehow I was dreading hurting him and being the bad guy... so I procrastinated and was just taking things “one day at a time”.
> 
> Well, after some very real physical manifestations of stress, I finally told him this week that its over. He was devastated. Says that he’s been doing the IC, taking his medication etc - but it’s too late. I’ve spent years watching him spiral and doing just nothing and it’s fundamentally altered how I feel about him and how I view him.
> 
> ...


Wow, sounds fantastic!.....
He got a real problem that IC ain't gunna fix.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

I’ll always be rooting for him to conquer his demons for his own sake and for the sake of the kids. I just can’t be part of it anymore. I’ve carried the majority of the load and 100% of the financial load and I started to break down which cannot happen. Not when I have Little’s counting on me.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Like most he changed temporarily to get back in then it's business as usual.

Not sure if it's demons or just plain lazy. Either way you can't fix it and he won't either.

Wash your hands of it and move on full speed.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TXTraveller said:


> but I felt a huge relief to finally get this off of my chest.



Your mind and body already know you did the right thing. Keep putting one foot in front the other.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

Yes, you’re right. These recent efforts to me are not really what I would see as a change because it’s been a pattern of starts and stops and starts and stops with the rest of us along for the ride. I knew in my heart of hearts that I’d tried everything I could and lasted as long as I could when those feelings of hope didn’t surface when he said he would be going back on meds and IC. I hate to admit it - but i felt just unmoved by it all  

Main concern is for the kids who adore their dad, and helping them be reassured that we both still love them. It breaks my heart thinking that they will physically be seeing their dad less often than they are used to....


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TXTraveller said:


> Yes, you’re right. These recent efforts to me are not really what I would see as a change because it’s been a pattern of starts and stops and starts and stops with the rest of us along for the ride. I knew in my heart of hearts that I’d tried everything I could and lasted as long as I could when those feelings of hope didn’t surface when he said he would be going back on meds and IC. *I hate to admit it - but i felt just unmoved by it all*
> 
> Main concern is for the kids who adore their dad, and helping them be reassured that we both still love them. It breaks my heart thinking that they will physically be seeing their dad less often than they are used to....


I have been there, I know exactly what you are feeling. Once I hit that point there wasnt a single thing that would have kept me there. Good for you for doing the right thing for yourself. Your kids will adjust and end up being happier in the long run. (how old are they?) If they adore him like you say, just make sure they get access to him when they want and that should really help. (as long as doing so doesnt put them at any kind of risk) That first giant step is the hardest, for sure. You can handle anything going forward.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

hang in there... Been through it, lived through it...

At lease you can say that you did all you could. I know it hurts and you do feel a little like the bad guy even though you are not...


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I reread your old thread to refresh myself on your situation.

You've got to cut this guy loose. You are a crutch for him and any chance he has to pick himself up lies with not having you to prop him up.

Depression is a selfish disease and your hb isn't capable of considering anyone else. 

I'm sure he's devastated, but you can't know how much is that he loves you and how much is him relying on you to prop him up. You don't have a partner...you have a helpless child who will always be helpless while you're around. Why do you think he keeps quitting jobs? It's because he doesn't see helping to support the family as his job....he sees it as your job.

He's extremely poor partner material. Cutting him loose to deal with his demons may be the kindest thing you can do for him, and if he takes you down with him what will your kids do? If they end up homeless with nothing how often they see their dad will be less of a concern. They'll have to learn that you can't lay around and contribute nothing to the family.

Stay strong ....this is the best decision.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> I reread your old thread to refresh myself on your situation.
> 
> You've got to cut this guy loose. You are a crutch for him and any chance he has to pick himself up lies with not having you to prop him up.
> 
> ...


I so relate to your comments and it’s the very thought that sustains that this is the right thing for me to do. I cannot suffer another metal breakdown because then who will the kids have? I’ve given him a few days to process all of this but I’m anxious to move forward. Trying to get time with an atty who is a good fit so I can go ahead and file.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

TXTraveller said:


> I so relate to your comments and it’s the very thought that sustains that this is the right thing for me to do. I cannot suffer another metal breakdown because then who will the kids have? I’ve given him a few days to process all of this but I’m anxious to move forward. Trying to get time with an atty who is a good fit so I can go ahead and file.


Be prepared for a lot of negotiations and begging on his part as he processes this. His life is going to unravel and the security blanket that is you will be gone, so he's going to have withdrawal like a drug addict.

This has to happen, so please do not cave. You already know who he is and what he is and isn't capable of.

I had lots of attempts at negotiating from my ex when I left him. My situation was different in that I didn't support him but the bad behaviors he promised to change if I just gave him 6 months had been there for years with him being well aware it was a problem and having ample opportunities to address it. He chose not to because doing so would mean he had to fundamentally change who he was, which is not a reasonable or fair request.

That's where your hb is. He can't deliver on anything he promises at this point so please do not lose sight of that. You're going to have to endure a lot of begging, crying, and guilt tripping before this is over.

Come here if you need more support.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> Be prepared for a lot of negotiations and begging on his part as he processes this. His life is going to unravel and the security blanket that is you will be gone, so he's going to have withdrawal like a drug addict.
> 
> This has to happen, so please do not cave. You already know who he is and what he is and isn't capable of.
> 
> ...


Appreciate the offer to come for more support. Do most couples decide when to move out? I’m the one that is going to end up paying out in this divorce and would rather we agree on what we can before attorneys go to town. I’d like to know what his plans are but I’m 99/9% sure that he has no plans and will want me to tell him his options.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

TXTraveller said:


> Appreciate the offer to come for more support. Do most couples decide when to move out? I’m the one that is going to end up paying out in this divorce and would rather we agree on what we can before attorneys go to town. I’d like to know what his plans are but I’m 99/9% sure that he has no plans and will want me to tell him his options.


sorry for what you are going through.

if this will be amicable...….its worth a try to do this without Attorneys......it will save you both a ton of $$$. if not.....well that's what they are for.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I would say that YOU stay in the house and have him move out. (if you want it) I mean you have been the one paying for it so seems YOU be the one to keep it. I wouldnt be making any offers as far as alimony or child support, you want him to make an effort to sustain himself. You will likely be ordered to pay out something or other, but I wouldnt make any offers in advance. Likely you will end up with the children most of the time anyway, since he sounds so checked out and unable to handle them. 

He's a grown man, time for him to step up and act like one for himself and the kids.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your going to make it through this just fine. It is easy to tell by what you write. Your already getting your planning together and it’s sounds like your at your “ I’m done” stage. Keep that lawyer appointment. Texas girls are tough !!!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

He is self broken, and can only be cured by self action.
Or not.

He will improve just enough to eat and have a roof over his head, and long enough for him to latch onto another saving soul.

Once divorced, his feelers will be out for some overly kind Mary, and he will dazzle her merry until he has her bamboozled and tied down tight by her pity tears and fears.

He will tell any new woman that you were this cruel wife.

His plastic smile and words will suddenly come out of his sleeve.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You can feel sorry for someone who suffers from continuous depression.
And, in most cases you should.

But, you being sorry, should not be the means that allows their sorry life to drop your pants and to bend you over.

Love and decency has a mileage limit and a warranty expiration.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You can drown before the water lets you in. The long shed tears supply the water, the sorrowful and dry throat closing in on itself, provides the asphyxiation.

Hubs is drowning and he refuses to swim to shore.

You fall in love with an image and a mind. The image gets older, some minds fail before old is ever seen in the mirror.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

So, yesterday I sent him an email letting him know that he needs to start thinking about where to live - and asked him today if he’d gotten it and he said yes, shook his head and went back to bed. How do I handle this? he is 100% dependent on my co-signing for an apartment/house or whatever until he gets on his feet but he is in such a fog he just can’t decide anything about what is next. Just venting...


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

TXTraveller said:


> So, yesterday I sent him an email letting him know that he needs to start thinking about where to live - and asked him today if he’d gotten it and he said yes, shook his head and went back to bed. How do I handle this? he is 100% dependent on my co-signing for an apartment/house or whatever until he gets on his feet but he is in such a fog he just can’t decide anything about what is next. Just venting...


do you own the residence or rent? if you rent.....just turn in notice and move out.....it sucks.....but since YOU will have to do the lifting to make this happen...that's just the way it is.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

```

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x598 said:


> do you own the residence or rent? if you rent.....just turn in notice and move out.....it sucks.....but since YOU will have to do the lifting to make this happen...that's just the way it is.


Own. I want to stay in the house with the kids since I provide 100% of the finances into the household.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You're going to pay for anything you cosign.

You're going to have your hands full getting this guy out.....he's non functional.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

TXTraveller said:


> ```
> 
> ```
> Own. I want to stay in the house with the kids since I provide 100% of the finances into the household.


What does your lawyer say?


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

Lawyer is the one who said I’m going to need to do this. That he is going to be treated like a stay at home mom who has relied on her husband to support her all of those years - wont have the establish job history etc, and Judge wont be too empathetic to him getting the boot without a means to provide himself with housing right out of the gate. Which is fine... whatever. 

I’m just wanting to see him actually start looking at places and accepting that this is GOING to happen. Dream on right? 

Atty is in agreement that as much as I can get him to agree to the better for everyone. If the atty has to chase him going to be way more expensive than me driving him... but it may come to that.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

TXTraveller said:


> Lawyer is the one who said I’m going to need to do this. That he is going to be treated like a stay at home mom who has relied on her husband to support her all of those years - wont have the establish job history etc, and Judge wont be too empathetic to him getting the boot without a means to provide himself with housing right out of the gate. Which is fine... whatever.
> 
> I’m just wanting to see him actually start looking at places and accepting that this is GOING to happen. Dream on right?
> 
> Atty is in agreement that as much as I can get him to agree to the better for everyone. If the atty has to chase him going to be way more expensive than me driving him... but it may come to that.


I mean about getting him out of the house.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

Sorry, i guess I’m not tracking. What does the lawyer say about what? About me staying in the house? Yes, he says that I would be the one to stay in the home. He has to move out.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TXTraveller said:


> Lawyer is the one who said I’m going to need to do this. That he is going to be treated like a stay at home mom who has relied on her husband to support her all of those years - wont have the establish job history etc, and Judge wont be too empathetic to him getting the boot without a means to provide himself with housing right out of the gate. Which is fine... whatever.
> 
> I’m just wanting to see him actually start looking at places and accepting that this is GOING to happen. Dream on right?
> 
> Atty is in agreement that as much as I can get him to agree to the better for everyone. If the atty has to chase him going to be way more expensive than me driving him... but it may come to that.


Thing is though, he is more than capable of working, he just has always CHOSEN not to. If he gets support, I am sure it will only be for a rather limited amount of time. Especially an ex military person. If he seriously believes that he is unable to work because of his depression, mental issues etc, then he needs to see about getting on disability. Really thought I think its just time he man up/grow up.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Good for you to taking the first steps to a healthier you. That’s the hardest step to take, and now you both just need to heal and move forward. Godspeed to you both for happier, healthier futures!


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

How did you all cope with what seems like one step forward and two to three steps back? I’m still resolute. Lord knows it’s taken me YEARS to get here. But dealing with his deer in the headlights shock is very frustrating. He told me today that I hold all the cards, and that he is still in denial, he doesnt know how he is going to live. I calmly told him that he will have money to live and to get a new start and he said that I’m trying to buy him off. Just venting. Deeeeep breaths.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TXTraveller said:


> How did you all cope with what seems like one step forward and two to three steps back? I’m still resolute. Lord knows it’s taken me YEARS to get here. But dealing with his deer in the headlights shock is very frustrating. *He told me today that I hold all the cards, and that he is still in denial, he doesnt know how he is going to live.* I calmly told him that he will have money to live and to get a new start and he said that I’m trying to buy him off. Just venting. Deeeeep breaths.


Omg how do you keep your cool? He is acting like a child. He's a grown ass man whining about how is he going to live... really?? Maybe if he would have behaved like the man of the house and actually worked and earned a living, he wouldnt be in this predicament, crying to his "mommy". Sorry, this just struck me...


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

TXTraveller said:


> How did you all cope with what seems like one step forward and two to three steps back? I’m still resolute. Lord knows it’s taken me YEARS to get here. But dealing with his deer in the headlights shock is very frustrating. He told me today that I hold all the cards, and that he is still in denial, he doesnt know how he is going to live. I calmly told him that he will have money to live and to get a new start and he said that I’m trying to buy him off. Just venting. Deeeeep breaths.


So here is a funny, kind of funny kind of sad story, about my Ex and me starting the divorce process... 

We, do not ask why, tried one last ditch effort at MC. She asked for it and I said yes, I still don't know why. 

So after a few months, about 3 I think, I had an epiphany and finally figured out that this was crazy, she was too screwed up for me to do anything about, and to make everything really great, I figured out that she never really loved me... and on and on... 

Ok, great, the last session I laid it out there that we were done, it was over, see you later, yada, yada... 

But this time it was Christmas, and she said something about where was I going or whatever, and I said, "You do realize that we are getting a divorce, don't you? I mean you get that? Where I go, who I go with or whatever is none of your business. (FYI, I was not going out with anyone, yet). 

The thing is, she just looked at me. And would not answer for a long time. Then she said crying, and I felt really bad, "I just thought we would not talk about it until Christmas was over".

Somehow, even after everything I told her, she just was not ready to accept it for some reason. 

However, once we got into full swing, she moved out, got a freaking job, and is doing kind of ok I guess. 

Not my circus not my monkeys...


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not responsible for him. I wanted to show him a house that he’d be able to afford post-settlement and he looks at me and says I dont know the first thing about home ownership. Really? This is our THIRD house together! Like, whose fault IS that? I’ve decided now that I’m NOT going to put him into a house. He will go into an apartment (which I’m sure he will complain about) I also want to kick my own rear end for enabling this crap for SO LONG. Can you be angry with someone and feel sorry for them at the same time?


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

BluesPower said:


> So here is a funny, kind of funny kind of sad story, about my Ex and me starting the divorce process...
> 
> We, do not ask why, tried one last ditch effort at MC. She asked for it and I said yes, I still don't know why.
> 
> ...


Ohhh my goodness I can relate. It’s really making me realize that every single thing that I’d outlined clearly he just chose to not process and assimilate. I also went through that when we did MC last year - I walked a way after every sessions wondering why I was there doing work he needed to be doing on his own. I think it would be somewhat easier if I was the one leaving the house... but since I’m staying and he is the one who needs to go.. getting a person who is stuck to move and take action is not easy.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TXTraveller said:


> I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not responsible for him. I wanted to show him a house that he’d be able to afford post-settlement *and he looks at me and says I dont know the first thing about home ownership. *Really? This is our THIRD house together! Like, whose fault IS that? I’ve decided now that I’m NOT going to put him into a house. He will go into an apartment (which I’m sure he will complain about) I also want to kick my own rear end for enabling this crap for SO LONG. Can you be angry with someone and feel sorry for them at the same time?


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

Right!?!?!?!? Ya’ll I just am spent, if he could hear my inner monologue it would crush him - and I dont want to be mean, I’m just so so so tired. SO tired. Maybe I am better off just getting everything set up and telling him - here you go. Sign here. Man, I feel every time I post here I need to just have a disclaimer that I’m venting!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TXTraveller said:


> Right!?!?!?!? Ya’ll I just am spent, if he could hear my inner monologue it would crush him - and I dont want to be mean, I’m just so so so tired. SO tired. Maybe I am better off just getting everything set up and telling him - here you go. Sign here. Man, I feel every time I post here I need to just have a disclaimer that I’m venting!



I’d like to sign up to be your next husband. You are waaaayyyyyy too nice !!!!! You should be kicking him in the balls, not continually enabling him. That’s how you got here in the first place. 

I’m in Texas too so this should be a win / win for me. Your going to give me the house and most of the money when we divorce ...... right?????


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

TXTraveller said:


> Right!?!?!?!? Ya’ll I just am spent, if he could hear my inner monologue it would crush him - and I dont want to be mean, I’m just so so so tired. SO tired. Maybe I am better off just getting everything set up and telling him - here you go. Sign here. Man, I feel every time I post here I need to just have a disclaimer that I’m venting!


Ok, so here is another one... And it is ok to vent...

So well after the paper work was filed, I took up with various GF's, just kind of casual. 

And, one Friday, I am getting ready to go spend the night, and she gets pissed off. Like really, why are you remotely upset. I went over the divorce thing, right? Then she just had to move out and of course I got to pay temp support so muffin could live you know after being a drug addict and mental case for 20 years. I was like, here you go. See you later. Had the bedroom painted that weekend. 

And here is another one, one day, she called me and complained how hard it was to make it out there. And she was kind of emotionally dumping on me, like I gave a ****. 

So I said, "I am sorry that you are dealing with that. Now, did you get the money that I sent you this month? Ok, good, then you need to understand that I don't really need to talk to you about anything, and I am sorry but I don't give a **** about your issues anymore. Good luck...


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> TXTraveller said:
> 
> 
> > Right!?!?!?!? Ya’ll I just am spent, if he could hear my inner monologue it would crush him - and I dont want to be mean, I’m just so so so tired. SO tired. Maybe I am better off just getting everything set up and telling him - here you go. Sign here. Man, I feel every time I post here I need to just have a disclaimer that I’m venting!
> ...


Y’all were sleeping in the same bed after filing papers?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I can imagine that it's very scary for him, even though it's his own fault. It's ok to have empathy as long as you understand that it's not your problem and he'll have to figure it out.

He might have figured it out years ago if you hadn't been bailing him out. He's had a mommy to take care of things so he didn't have to grow up.

Its frustrating to deal with someone who just won't deal with anything. When I told my ex I wanted a divorce his first reaction after the initial shock was to ask for 6 months to "fix things", as if he hadn't had years, then when I said no he tried to kiss me and suggested I come to bed. I hadn't even shared the bed for a couple months....he was just really good at burying his head in the sand. Just play dumb and pretend like you have no idea what's going on.

Your hb needs to process this but he also needs hard deadlines or you'll never get rid of him.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

My ex, that asked for the divorce, was confused when I stopped paying the bills on the place where I was no longer living. Was baffled why my checks were no longer going into our joint account. Was apoplectic about how she could maintain her lifestyle that shouldn’t change just because she left me. 

Like, literally baffled. Called me up repeatedly, “how could you do this to me...” when she was the one that wanted a divorce. 

She had to find her own place, which she had also never done. Had to move her stuff, which she had never done. Etc. 

To top it all off - the day after the divorce was signed and official, she called me up needing money to pay her lawyer so she could divorce me. 

And was baffled why I didn’t have to give her the money for it... I had to literally explain to her that the divorce she wanted meant that I never had to pay for anything she did again, ever. 

So she asked me how she was supposed to pay for it. Honor university degree and she was confused by the consequences of her own actions. 

Sigh. People are dumb.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> I can imagine that it's very scary for him, even though it's his own fault. It's ok to have empathy as long as you understand that it's not your problem and he'll have to figure it out.
> 
> He might have figured it out years ago if you hadn't been bailing him out. He's had a mommy to take care of things so he didn't have to grow up.
> 
> ...


For your husband, did you take the lead in drafting the settlement agreement as in here is what I will stay with and here is what you will walk away with... and if so, how did that work for you? I’m pretty sure he’s going to just accept whatever I outline, which would greatly benefit me.... however, I’ve learned to prepare for the worst because sometimes you think you know someone and they do surprise you.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

Marduk said:


> My ex, that asked for the divorce, was confused when I stopped paying the bills on the place where I was no longer living. Was baffled why my checks were no longer going into our joint account. Was apoplectic about how she could maintain her lifestyle that shouldn’t change just because she left me.
> 
> Like, literally baffled. Called me up repeatedly, “how could you do this to me...” when she was the one that wanted a divorce.
> 
> ...


Holy good lord that is a whole next level of dumb right there! Seriously? I cannot imagine getting to that point and being so clueless!


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

Mr.Married said:


> I’d like to sign up to be your next husband. You are waaaayyyyyy too nice !!!!! You should be kicking him in the balls, not continually enabling him. That’s how you got here in the first place.
> 
> I’m in Texas too so this should be a win / win for me. Your going to give me the house and most of the money when we divorce ...... right?????


Ahhh a kick in the balls would make me feel GREAT but with two small children at home my priority has been calm for them. And besides, I’m keeping the house  :grin2:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

TXTraveller said:


> For your husband, did you take the lead in drafting the settlement agreement as in here is what I will stay with and here is what you will walk away with... and if so, how did that work for you? I’m pretty sure he’s going to just accept whatever I outline, which would greatly benefit me.... however, I’ve learned to prepare for the worst because sometimes you think you know someone and they do surprise you.


Yes. I drew everything up and took it to a lawyer who then drafted legal documents.

It worked fine. I told him if he didn't fight with me he didn't have to hire a lawyer and he agreed. It helped that he was extremely conflict avoidant and was desperate to maintain his phony nice guy image.

But my ex worked, though he made far less than me, and we didn't have kids together. Our finances were separate and I bought a house and moved out with my teenage boys.

I can tell you that our agreement had hard dates for me to move out and him to take me off of his mortgage.

Work with a lawyer to offer him something reasonable to get on his feet but with hard deadlines to get out and have support cut. Your lawyer can advise you how long is reasonable. But remember that if the kids live with you he may also be on the hook for child support so that may negate some alimony.....a friend of mine just went through this with her hb of 20 years who refused to work. She gave him a lump sum in exchange for no alimony and he agreed.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

@TXTraveller, why are YOU working on finding him a place? Does he have no family at all that can let him stay temporarily? I don’t know, maybe I’m horrible but I’d have a hard deadline date set that he needs to be out by, and where he goes and how he gets there is his problem. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

3Xnocharm said:


> @TXTraveller, why are YOU working on finding him a place? Does he have no family at all that can let him stay temporarily? I don’t know, maybe I’m horrible but I’d have a hard deadline date set that he needs to be out by, and where he goes and how he gets there is his problem.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No family near by. My attorney said the judge wouldn’t look favorably on me not helping as he has no recent job history so that means at minimum I need to co-sign for an apartment and he’d at least pay rent from the settlement he gets from me. After that, it’s up to him.


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

Big Big update here.... Yesterday stbxh said he was ready to talk about the D. To cut to the chase he agreed to everything that I laid out. Even better, he is going to move into a condo that I own for 6 months until one that he and his mother own outright is vacated then he will move there. I’m going to get his signature on an excel doc that I have to outline all of this in the interim. He says we can file as agreed and just get an atty to look over the final docs. I’m cautiously optimistic- and will file as soon as I get back into town.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Omg this is amazing, I am so relieved for you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Boom Boom POW ......

Well done !!!!!!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Great update.

Here's hoping he puts his life together.

I have no concerns about you.....you'll be just fine!


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

I know... trust me, I’m know I’m not out of the woods yet - but it’s as good as a conversation as we could have had. He says when it comes to the kids he wants me to know he isnt going to fight me on that either, he wants us to get along as friends for their sake. 

We actually went to dinner yesterday after hashing all of this out and I drove him to see the condo since he’d never been before and went home and back to our rooms. It was such a relief I slept well for the first time in a LONG time.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TXTraveller said:


> I know... trust me, I’m know I’m not out of the woods yet - but it’s as good as a conversation as we could have had. He says when it comes to the kids he wants me to know he isnt going to fight me on that either, he wants us to get along as friends for their sake.
> 
> We actually went to dinner yesterday after hashing all of this out and I drove him to see the condo since he’d never been before and went home and back to our rooms. It was such a relief I slept well for the first time in a LONG time.


Wow that sounds like real progress.

Don't get too worked up yet though. 

I would guess that it is likely he is working up some advantage scheme in his head.

After all ...doesn't everyone in divorce ?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TXTraveller said:


> I’m going to get his signature on an excel doc that I have to outline all of this in the interim.


Play like your life and the rotation of Earth itself is dependent on getting it signed and to the lawyers office ...... with haste !!!!!


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## TXTraveller (Sep 23, 2019)

Yes, I can’t file any sooner than Nov 19th at the earliest since I’m flying out Monday morning and not back until the 16th then son goes into surgery on the 18th... so focusing on that week to file.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

He is who he is and that won't change. Stay out of the KISA syndrome and let him solve his own problems. You can never fix this.


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