# My husband's attitude right now is leaving me dumbfounded



## tsweet06 (Feb 12, 2021)

Hi Everyone, 

I'm dumbfounded by my husband's attitude right now. He came to me this morning telling me that he has been having shortness of breath for more than a few days. I didn't really notice, but I was a little shocked that he didn't tell me this sooner. Of course, I'm concerned because it is a very common symptom of COVID. I told him to go get a test immediately because we need to rule COVID out as a potential illness because it would be putting me and our unborn child at risk if he has it. 

I assisted him to find a rapid testing center and found a local clinic that had a walk-in service. Over the phone, the clinic mentioned that they could do rapid testing, but he ended up taking a test that requires a day or two for results. He mentioned how he didn't have the best experience at the clinic; so, he was feeling frustrated and angry about it when he got home. 

In general, he got angry at me about all of it. He mentioned how I was overreacting and letting my anxiety and fear push him to get the test. He goes on to say that he felt like it was too sudden for him to go get the test and he wish he had more time to plan to take a test a few days later. My side is that I'm pregnant in the critical first trimester and more vulnerable and, if he has it, I don't want myself to be put at risk along with the baby as time goes by. Also, we live in very close quarters; therefore, it will be hard for us to separate well and I may have to make other living arrangements quickly. They offered a walk-in service to take the test; so, I told him to just go take the test. 

I wish that he would just understand my point of view that I'm just taking necessary precautions. I'm not imagining this stuff or being extreme...covid is real. We have been out and about; so, it's not too far from reality that he could have caught it someway somehow. Also, we both have pre-existing conditions, which could make it much worse if we get it. Ultimately, I'm just trying to protect us and he is vilifying me about it. Why is this happening? This doesn't make any sense to me at all and, to be quite honest, it hurts because I feel that he is not really caring about me or his baby given his comments and the fact that he is trying to be mad at me about this entire situation.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It's happening because that is his inherent personality.

Sometimes we don't learn these things about someone until a certain situation reveals them to us


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

You’re right, he’s wrong. Of course it is nice to be able to plan illness but the nature of illness is that it is not planned. As a family man he should take care of his health as well as yours.

Hopefully he is somewhat isolating. I didn’t really last year at this time but I did cover my mouth and spray 409 all over everything I touched regularly.

My neighbor has managed to avoid getting it despite close proximity to his mom who had it by wearing PPE and isolating in the house as needed.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

There are a couple things that could be going on.

Is he someone that can't handle changes in plans or routines well? That's kind of what it sounded like and is a common issue with people on the spectrum.

Also, if he's been short of breath for a couple days, I would assume that you've been exposed. A lot. You could separate from him in the dwelling for a bit while the test is outstanding but I'd almost assume that if his test is positive that you're going to have symptoms in a couple days. You probably want to get tested too though it might be too early to show up as positive even if you're coming down with it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If he has it, you have definitely been exposed and if you haven't got it yet, you might not.

You can go get a quicky yourself.

He might really not trust the clinic in question.

I think you might be in more danger from the flu depending on any conditions you might have and your age as well.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

tsweet06 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> I'm dumbfounded by my husband's attitude right now. He came to me this morning telling me that he has been having shortness of breath for more than a few days. I didn't really notice, but I was a little shocked that he didn't tell me this sooner. Of course, I'm concerned because it is a very common symptom of COVID. I told him to go get a test immediately because we need to rule COVID out as a potential illness because it would be putting me and our unborn child at risk if he has it.
> 
> ...


He is feeling stress and very worried about it and not handling it well. None of this is really about you, he is just lashing out. Not everyone is good with stress or in situations they are not used to.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Ignore his hurt feelings. You also need to get tested right away. If he has it, chances are that you might also been exposed, but it is early for you to feel any symptoms. Or neither of you have it. A lot of people get seriously sick, or die from it. The SARS-CoV-2 has proved to be more insidious than the influenza (flu) virus. If you have inherent or hidden conditions you might get seriously sick or die, depending on your genetic makeup. So he must understand the he cannot be a prick and must get on with the program to protect you and himself. His attitude denotes irresponsibility.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Those quick tests are less reliable then the ones that take longer to get the results from, so it may be a good thing.


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Ignore his hurt feelings. You also need to get tested right away. If he has it, chances are that you might also been exposed, but it is early for you to feel any symptoms. Or neither of you have it. A lot of people get seriously sick, or die from it. The SARS-CoV-2 has proved to be more insidious than the influenza (flu) virus. If you have inherent or hidden conditions you might get seriously sick or die, depending on your genetic makeup. So he must understand the he cannot be a prick and must get on with the program to protect you and himself. His attitude denotes irresponsibility.


COVID-19 is only more dangerous than influenza for at-risk groups, which include people over the age of 65 with underlying health conditions.

It is not a risk for young people, or people who are in decent health. There were 386 pediatric influenza deaths in 2018-2019, and there have been 204 COVID-19 pediatric (0-17 deaths from late 2019 to now.

Provisional COVID-19 Death Counts by Sex, Age, and State | Data | Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

What You Should Know for the 2017-2018 Influenza Season

and virtually all the COVID deaths in young people involved serious underlying health conditions, such as cystic fibrosis, congenital heart problems, etc.

and yet the media keeps pushing this hysterical narrative about thousands of kids dying all over the country. It is a gigantic misinformation campaign 

The infection fatality rate for the virus is 0.5% for those under the age of 69 and .02% for those aged 20-49 (meaning you have a 99.8% chance of survival)

Healthcare Workers

and large study of 32 regions indicates the overall infection fatality rate (IFR) for COVID-19 is 0.24%

http://biomechanics.stanford.edu/me233_20/reading/ioannidis20.pdf

I have friends whose wives are absolutely hysterical over this virus, won't have anyone in their homes, are constantly scrubbing down everything, double masking, walking down the block with no one within 400 feet of them while wearing a mask, etc.

Unless you are elderly and have a serious health conditions, the risk to you as tiny. You have a greater chance of dying in a car wreck while driving to the supermarket. 

Yes, the OP's husband should go get checked, but enough with the fear porn


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

tsweet06 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> I'm dumbfounded by my husband's attitude right now. He came to me this morning telling me that he has been having shortness of breath for more than a few days. I didn't really notice, but I was a little shocked that he didn't tell me this sooner. Of course, I'm concerned because it is a very common symptom of COVID. I told him to go get a test immediately because we need to rule COVID out as a potential illness because it would be putting me and our unborn child at risk if he has it.
> 
> ...


You just stand firm and let him know you're mad at his attitude. He has no right to have risked you and the baby's health. This IS your business, and if he's not thinking of his family, someone has to. And if he tests negative, shut him down firmly if he tries to gloat.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She's pregnant, though. Which alone is a huge stressor on the body.

Even people without symptoms can get compromised oxygen levels. It's best to not get it if you are pregnant.

OP why don't you get get a test? Then you will know one way or the other.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Manner1067 said:


> COVID-19 is only more dangerous than influenza for at-risk groups, which include people over the age of 65 with underlying health conditions.
> 
> It is not a risk for young people, or people who are in decent health. There were 386 pediatric influenza deaths in 2018-2019, and there have been 204 COVID-19 pediatric (0-17 deaths from late 2019 to now.
> 
> ...


Your advice is well-meaning, but dangerously misguided.

You wrote:* "It is not a risk for young people, or people who are in decent health."*

presumably before you Googled all that data you failed to notice that @tsweet06 wrote: *"Also, we both have pre-existing conditions, which could make it much worse if we get it."*

So her and her husband are NOT "people who are in decent health" and she is expecting a child, too.

My experience with COVID is that my wife (who is a registered nurse) and myself have both caught two variants of COVID 19 and it's not like a mild case of flu or just like a cold. It seriously ****s with your health. Breathing is difficult. The effects last a long time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Your advice is well-meaning, but dangerously misguided.
> 
> You wrote:* "It is not a risk for young people, or people who are in decent health."*
> 
> ...


Ooops! I missed the special condition part as well.

OP, you have to be as careful of this as anything respiratory related if you are both in a risky health category and as many precautions should be taken as possible. You should get one done immediately as well so this isn't all on him and the quick tests might not be as accurate as the ones that take a couple days.

Don't let fear take over. He took the test and now so should you.

See what is going on and then make choices.


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Your advice is well-meaning, but dangerously misguided.
> 
> You wrote:* "It is not a risk for young people, or people who are in decent health."*
> 
> ...


It depends what those preexisting conditions are. If they include hypertension or heart disease, along with things like diabetes, then yes, they could be in a higher risk group.

But even then, over 80% of COVID-19 deaths have occurred in people aged 65 and older. 40% of all cases are asymptomatic, and the IFR for people under the age of 49 is 0.02%, which includes individuals with preexisting conditions (in the sample group).

I caught COVID-19 in January of 2020 from a Russian co-worker who came back from traveling overseas. I had a fever for a few days and quickly recovered. Other people in my office caught it and recovered very quickly, save for one guy who had pulmonary issues for almost a month. He was older and not in the best of health. Nevertheless, he recovered.

I also caught H1N1 a few years ago, and that was much worse for me: I was laid up for a week.

I frequently see nurses making grandiose pronouncements about the scope and nature of this virus. These people are not doctors or epidemiologists, and are certainly not researchers. Their opinion on this is irrelevant. Just because they see sick, elderly people in the hospital suffering from the virus does not make them some authority on the virus.

So my opinion is not "dangerously misguided". It is based on the data and research from the CDC, WHO, and other sources. It isn't based on hearsay, hysteria, and CNN.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I don't watch CNN. Nor to do listen to hearsay or hysteria. My wife actually specialised in the spread of diseases and hygiene practices before she had to take early retirement due to health issues.

Ironically it was those health issues that meant she could not be accepted to work in the hospital to help deal with COVID.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

From what I've seen (at the hospital) some pregnant women have symptoms, and some don't. 

Depending on your pre-existing condition, you might be at a higher risk. I recommend you getting the PCR test, not the rapid test. PCR is more accurate, but keep in mind, some people don't test positive and still have covid19, which can later be confirmed by the antibodies test. 

You have to wait and see if your husband tests positive or not. It could be allergies as well. My husband has allergies and asthma he had to go and see an asthma specialist because his chest felt very tight. 

What are his reasons to be upset about getting tested? Isn't he worried about covid?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

is he the type of person that gets stressed out with change? Could also be he was stressed out with the whole testing process . Long lines, tired workers, and maybe some fear of the sickness itself.

He may not feel comfortable showing you that he’s afraid so he shows anger instead.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Manner1067 said:


> COVID-19 is only more dangerous than influenza for at-risk groups, which include people over the age of 65 with underlying health conditions.
> 
> It is not a risk for young people, or people who are in decent health. There were 386 pediatric influenza deaths in 2018-2019, and there have been 204 COVID-19 pediatric (0-17 deaths from late 2019 to now.
> 
> ...


That advice IS misguided and very dangerous. That may have been the case when Covid first struck, but since that time, variant strains have emerged that are much more deadly and contagious than the original.

It's not just the death rate from Covid that people are concerned about - which yes, is low. It's the ongoing, long term effects, such as heart and lung damage that are very real.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

I'm sorry your husband is being difficult. Like others have said maybe he is afraid, or maybe he had a real bad experience at that clinic.

Hopefully his test is negative and all is well. Just to try and help you feel better, my sister is pregnant and had COVID last month. She had a very mild case, just some sinus and some nausea. She recovered in about 6 or 7 days. My mom also had COVID, she is 67 and diabetic and she lived through it. Im not implying it's a cake walk for everyone but sometimes hearing the successful cases can help ease anxiety. Especially when all you hear is how careful you need to be, you're high risk, etc.

I'm not giving you medical advice but I would recommend you talk to your Dr about a vitamin D supplement. Since you are pregnant you will want to get it cleared, but start taking any immune supplements that are safe for pregnancy.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Was he running a low grade fever?

Was shortness of breath the only symptom?

I have been in contact with 5 people that I know of that had Covid, I have never gotten it so far. Some people just don’t get it.


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

frusdil said:


> That advice IS misguided and very dangerous. That may have been the case when Covid first struck, but since that time, variant strains have emerged that are much more deadly and contagious than the original.
> 
> It's not just the death rate from Covid that people are concerned about - which yes, is low. It's the ongoing, long term effects, such as heart and lung damage that are very real.


where have you seen that the new strains have a higher infection fatality rate (IFR) than existing strains? Can you point me to the research, because I have not seen that anywhere. 

Likewise, can you also point me to the research that shows a large percentage of people who contract the virus suffer long-term effects or complications? Because I haven't seen those numbers either. 

Now some of the newer strains are more contagious, but who said they are more deadly? There is this article

New ‘devil’ COVID-19 strain in California is deadlier and spreads faster, scientists warn

which talks about some preliminary observations of a new strain that _might_ be deadlier. However, the article then points out "But because the study sample was so small - looking at only 12 fatalities - the evidence is not strong" --that isn't a legitimate research study. A whole lot more work needs to be done before we can classify this strain as more deadly. 

The Mayo Clinic has an article about long-term effects of COVID-19 here COVID-19 (coronavirus): Long-term effects

but also states that much is "unknown" about how many people suffer from these effects, or the details. I haven't seen any major, longitudinal studies on this

so what does this mean? It means that the Media and news outlets need to stop stirring up fear and hysteria without evidence and research to back it up. When people talk to me about how deadly this thing is, complications, new strains, etc. I always find that they have gotten their information from journalists, forums, and other unreliable outlets. 

Now COVID-19 is absolutely a threat to the elderly, and people with certain underlying health conditions, and precautions should be taken for these people. Nevertheless, our politicians and health officials have capitalized on this pandemic in order to get initiatives and laws passed that have nothing to do with the virus (go look at what is in the 1.9 trillion stimulus bill --it includes billions in pension bailouts to Democratic-run states) and news outlets have used it to sell clicks and subscriptions.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I know the new strands are more contagious but I have not heard anything about them being more deadly.

This really sounds like a biological weapon. Nothing in history has acted like this bug.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Manner1067 said:


> COVID-19 is only more dangerous than influenza for at-risk groups, which include people over the age of 65 with underlying health conditions.
> 
> It is not a risk for young people, or people who are in decent health. There were 386 pediatric influenza deaths in 2018-2019, and there have been 204 COVID-19 pediatric (0-17 deaths from late 2019 to now.
> 
> ...


Please, read what the OP said. *They both have existing conditions*. Only if you know your genetic makeup you'll be able to determine if you'll have to worry or not about how your body will react to the virus. This is the crux about it. Are you willing to find out if genetically you are capable of resisting the clinical symptoms if you get COVI 19? This couple shouldn't. The rest of the young people don't have much to worry unless they themselves do not know of underlying conditions that they might have that could be detrimental to them in the event of acquiring the infection.

You do not have to preach to choir. I'm a clinical microbiologist and understand all about it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

frusdil said:


> That advice IS misguided and very dangerous. That may have been the case when Covid first struck, but since that time, variant strains have emerged that are much more deadly and contagious than the original.
> 
> It's not just the death rate from Covid that people are concerned about - which yes, is low. It's the ongoing, long term effects, such as heart and lung damage that are very real.


I'm jacking here but can you share where to find the heart and lungs damage information?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Manner1067 said:


> where have you seen that the new strains have a higher infection fatality rate (IFR) than existing strains? Can you point me to the research, because I have not seen that anywhere.
> 
> Likewise, can you also point me to the research that shows a large percentage of people who contract the virus suffer long-term effects or complications? Because I haven't seen those numbers either.
> 
> ...



Please, stop relying on "read data" and agendas. Without going all out into a scientific dissertation, even though Influenza (flu) virus, every year, just like now the SARS-CoV-2, kills hundred of thousands, or million of people around the world, mostly the old and sick does not mean that with this global pandemic we must have an attitude of screw it, most people will live, and just the few will die. Let's no go paranoiac, and political about. I bet you that you have not been inside a hospital and see the conditions in which a number of people are. And for them it's just a matter of time for them to die, not just of because of what the virus does to their respiratory system, but the non-nosocomial, and or nosocomial infections acquired due to their stay in the hospital and their body unable to fight from all fronts as conditions and infections spread to other parts of their body. Ask the family of those dying if it's OK, because the rest of the population will survive.

Stop arguing about semantics, because that's all you are doing.


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Please, stop relying on "read data" and agendas. Without going all out into a scientific dissertation, even though Influenza (flu) virus, every year, just like now the SARS-CoV-2, kills hundred of thousands, or million of people around the world, mostly the old and sick does not mean that with this global pandemic we must have an attitude of screw it, most people will live, and just the few will die. Let's no go paranoiac, and political about. I bet you that you have not been inside a hospital and see the conditions in which a number of people are. And for them it's just a matter of time for them to die, not just of because of what the virus does to their respiratory system, but the non-nosocomial, and or nosocomial infections acquired due to their stay in the hospital and their body unable to fight from all fronts as conditions and infections spread to other parts of their body. Ask the family of those dying if it's OK, because the rest of the population will survive.
> 
> Stop arguing about semantics, because that's all you are doing.


Anecdotes are not arguments. I don't care what you or other people "have seen". Totally irrelevant

As I mentioned, over 80% of COVID-19 deaths have been in people aged 65 and older, and 90% of those people had preexisting conditions. If we look at my state of Massachusetts, we see the following:

Of confirmed cases (people seeking medical treatment, and who have been tested), only 6% result in hospitalization. 

The average age of hospitalization is 69, and the average age of death is 82. 98% of those deaths involved other, serious medical conditions.

https://www.mass.gov/doc/covid-19-dashboard-april-30-2020/download

This virus does NOT impact the general population in any epidemiological way. Sure, people of all ages can get the virus and pass it to others, but 40% of cases are asymptomatic, and the virus is less dangerous to younger people than influenza. It poses virtually no risk to kids.

And yet we have entire school systems shuttered for a year, businesses shut down, millions put out of work, etc.

While what we should have done is isolate at-risk groups (elderly and people with serious underlying conditions), limit access to nursing homes, and maybe some short-term restrictions on large sports events, etc.

General lockdowns of economies have NOT worked. The countries and regions with the strictest lockdown policies have the highest COVID-19 infection rates and deaths per 100k. Compare France to Iran, or Belgium to Sweden. Better yet, compare Illinois or New York to Florida. 

I am tired of the false narrative, disinformation, and ignorance regarding this virus. Yes, it impacts a segment of society, and that segment should be protected. 20 year-olds shouldn't be jogging through the park wearing a surgical mask because they think COVID is going to come out of the trees to get them.

/end rant


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Well now I understand you. You just want to talk crap that you know nothing about from a scientific point of view. You are just using data to your liking/agenda. The whole world's scientific community is just talking crap, don't it? you got it all figured out. Why don't you go and tell your crap to all the relatives that have love ones died due to the pandemic. 

For your information your way of thinking is the way a lot of the political idiots that all they care is keep the money rolling. who cares who dies as long as the money keeps rolling.


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## vincent3 (May 31, 2018)

What kind of preparations would he need a few days to make? It sounds to me like he was afraid of facing a positive result. The logical response is to get tested right away, but we aren't always logical. He could have been telling himself a tale to deal with it.


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