# Really confused



## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

Please forgive me if this is a little long and confusing. I just don't know what to think right now. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. We have one child together. Approximately six months ago, he told me that he didn't think he wanted to be married any more. We had not been arguing or having any problems. I was so upset and begged him to stay. Things went from bad to worse over time with me always trying to "fix" things and him always trying to stay away from me. I suspected there could be another woman, but definitely thought that this was a mid-life crisis. We are both 40. 

A few weeks ago, he told me that he didn't want to try to make this work any longer and that he was moving out. I have cried every day since he has been gone. He has been very cruel and made things as difficult as possible since he has been gone. He told me that this is the best decision he has ever made and that I have to accept that he is never coming back. He told me that I will have to learn to deal with that alone because it is not up to him to help me and he won't. I asked him if he would just please slow things down a little bit and take some time to think things over considering the fact that we have been together so long and he said no. 

In the meantime, I was told that everyone that he works with knows that he is having a relationship with a co-worker. I confronted him about this and he said that it is absolutely not true. I told him that I was going to inform my lawyer of this so that he has all pertinent information and he said that was fine with him because there is no truth to it.

He has an appointment with his lawyer tomorrow to file the separation agreement. He called me this evening and said that he is worried about me and that he is still going to see is lawyer tomorrow, but only to review separating our bills - that he is going to hold off on the separation for a while. He told me that he wants to work with me on visitation arrangements with our son when he has been adamant up to this point that everything will be 50/50. I don't know what to make of this. He told me that he doesn't know what is going to happen, but that he realized that he rushed into everything and that there shouldn't be any hurry. 

Should I take this at face value or is he really concerned about the other woman?


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Hey there special!,

Welcome, I am glad your here,but sad you have to be here. 

To your question of should you be worried about the OW? the answer is Yes. From what you wrote, he put things into warp speed and wasnt thinking of anything else. I know this because my STBXW did it to me, just a few months. Keep your eyes open, investigate if you feel there is something. You may not like what you find, I sure didnt. Good Luck, I am here to help


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## StillRemains (Aug 9, 2012)

Don't let him pressure you into signing anything or doing anything when you are still so emotional. You should probably see an attorney just to find out your rights. You also need to follow the 180. It will be very hard, one of the hardest things you might ever have to do, but it's the only way you have any chance going forward. The more you try to fix things and beg him to stay, the more he will withdraw. 

I agree that you need to investigate the OW and find out what you can. If you can get proof, expose the affair, especially to her spouse if she has one. Of course he's going to tell you it's not true. Almost all will deny, especially when faced with divorce proceedings because they're afraid of losing things in the divorce if you find out and "retaliate." Sad but true. 

I'm still not sure if my STBXH has OW or not. He says no but I certainly don't feel I can trust his word. Believe me, I've investigated a lot and have found nothing but you have some good signs pointing to it. As they say, where there's smoke, there's usually fire. Mine was the same way, going from bomb drop to warp speed wanting it over with so I still feel he might have at least had someone else in mind. I stood my ground and said I was still in shock and in no condition to make decisions that huge. I told him he had a while to plan this and get used to the idea so he was going to have to give me time to catch up. Please make sure you do this because I truly believe they try to move so quickly so as to try to catch you in your weakest, most vulnerable moments so you will agree to everything that benefits them. 

Hang in there. I'm thinking of you, special! Our stories are so similar so I really identify what you're going through. Hugs to you!


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