# The 180



## Wilberforce (Feb 5, 2012)

Hiya,

Just want everyone's advice and view's.

I am hitting the 180 as hard as I can, keeping busy, Gym 4 times a week, seeing friends and working all hours that I can. My question is that I understand that you need to give your X time to miss you but surely this can work against you?

Many thanks


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I think it can work against you, which is why I can see modifying it based on the other spouse.

#1 - She may feel as though you are really moving on, and then proceed at regular speed at further detaching from you, exiting the relationship.

#2 - She may get pissed at the abrupt change in you and then build further boundaries, convince herself how right she was in leaving, etc.

That siad, I understand some of its principles. And, the point is, you're doing this for you, not her. hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, type of deal.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

You are suppose to move on with the 180. It is to prepare you for the end. If you are doing it with expectations of them coming back, you are doing it wrong. Do not expect anything.


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## Wilberforce (Feb 5, 2012)

Traggy said:


> You are suppose to move on with the 180. It is to prepare you for the end. If you are doing it with expectations of them coming back, you are doing it wrong. Do not expect anything.


Totally agree, I am doing this for me I want the old me back I undestand that she may never come back. That said I just want to give myself the best chance of getting her back.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

As I know it, the 180 is for you. Focus on yourself and get yourself right. Keep yourself strong, get a medical check up. Eat well. Treat yourself to new clothes, get a haircut...make sure you positively change inside and out.

The 180 is about taking control of your new reality and accepting it.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Also to add...i read in a book, Winning back your Wife - Dr Gary Smalley.

God can bridge any gap...between Man and Wife.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

dalvin_au said:


> Also to add...i read in a book, Winning back your Wife - Dr Gary Smalley.
> 
> God can bridge any gap...between Man and Wife.


Amen


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Wilberforce said:


> Totally agree, I am doing this for me I want the old me back I undestand that she may never come back. That said I just want to give myself the best chance of getting her back.


You're trying but you still don't get it. Or, you do get it but you aren't in the right place in your head to accomplish what you think you're trying to accomplish.

You need to refocus and sort of "forget" about getting her back. Remove her from the equation so to speak. You're rebuilding getting yourself back on track and if she happens to like what she sees and starts poking her head around well then you'll be in a better place to deal with her but that's a remote possibility not up for discussion at this time.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Live in the day. Expect nothing besides the sun rising and setting. Expectation is what always will bring you down. All you do is set yourself up for letting yourself down. You have to let go of the idea of getting her back. If she comes back that is fine, but you can NOT expect her to come back. Holding onto that hope does not allow you to heal. It accomplishes nothing, but putting your life on hold while someone else figures out theirs.

It isn't fair to you. You are your own best friend and you need to take care of the person you are going to be with, no matter what, until the end of your days. (You)

If you are a faithful person, I recommend giving it all to god. It has done me wonders. Stop expecting anything so that you can be surprised by what life brings you.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Traggy said:


> Live in the day. Expect nothing besides the sun rising and setting. Expectation is what always will bring you down. All you do is set yourself up for letting yourself down. You have to let go of the idea of getting her back. If she comes back that is fine, but you can NOT expect her to come back. Holding onto that hope does not allow you to heal. It accomplishes nothing, but putting your life on hold while someone else figures out theirs.
> 
> It isn't fair to you. You are your own best friend and you need to take care of the person you are going to be with, no matter what, until the end of your days. (You)
> 
> If you are a faithful person, I recommend giving it all to god. It has done me wonders. Stop expecting anything so that you can be surprised by what life brings you.


I think I am going to have to print this out. 
I like this. It will be for my weak moments. I have been strong this week, but my strength comes and goes here and there (a week at a time). I am done w/ faith and hope though.


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## Stephanie Lynn (Mar 22, 2012)

What is the 180? I really need to understand what it is so I can move on. Thank you.


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