# Need a little advise



## MarriedInTexas (Oct 7, 2009)

There are lots of things I could say, I am sure I could type for hours, but I will try to be brief and just explain the most pressing things in my relationship in hopes that someone else has or is going through this and could possibly help.

First, understand that even though I have been thinking about leaving my wife, I do love her. I don't want to hurt her or myself, but I am having trouble being around her.

Also understand that the reasons I am not leaving my wife (nor will I for that matter) are the following

1. We have a baby on the way
2. I loathe divorces and have always said, 1 marriage EVER for me
3. I do still love her

Now that you know those, here are my reasons for having considered divorce.

1. Anytime I want to go hang with my friends, she gives me a guilt trip about it. "Why don't you want to hang out with me?"
Understand that I do hang out with her, and I do whatever she wants, but that is usually just sit in front of the t.v. and watch things I am not even interested in. Also my "friends" are actually her brothers, who live only 2 blocks from us.

2. Weight - I am not being an ******* here, her and I have both gained a lot of weight in the 9 years we have been together (married for 1), and believe me I know that I am not the most attractive or skinny person, but she has put on so much weight that her clothes no longer fit, and she refuses to notice that, always wearing clothing that doesn't cover her stomach (which is NOT showing baby weight yet, we are only 1 month into pregnancy) When I see her stomach poking out of her shirt, it makes me want to look away, however on the few times she wears something that fits properly, I still think she is beautiful.

3. Guilt trips - I am a smoker, although I DO NOT smoke in our house, or even around her. She knows that I smoke and has known since we got together, but she recently started berating me for being a smoker. Her entire family smokes except for her, she grew up around it, and I do my best to make sure she is not around it. I still get the "talk" about how I am going to have to quit sooner or later. Look I want to quit, I really do, but anyone who is or has been a smoker knows it is harder than just throwing them away for some us. 
She also give me grief about drinking. Know this, I have a few drinks at home on FRI and/or SAT night, that's it and I never drink alone. I know her dad and brother are alcoholics, but I am not nor do I have any chance of becoming one.

4. Money - Everyone has this gripe I know, I get griped for my "vices"(see number 3), but I tell her all the time, that she can buy whatever she wants, I never withhold money from her, and would do whatever I could to make sure she gets anything she wants. However I am the only one working and I take care of the bills, so I feel I am entiled to buy that 1 video game every couple months.

5. Housework - I have already stated that I am the only one working, did I mention that I am only one who does any cleaning too. Sure she claims that she does the laundry, which would great, if she ever did it. I never have clean socks, and if there is clean laundry, it is setting on the kitchen table still in the basket, unfolded and getting wrinkled. I am the one who does the dishes, cleans the bathrooms, dusts the rooms, picks up after the dog (he chews through his toys, he is thankfully house-broken) And when I told her that we should look into hiring a maid, I got another guilt trip about wasting money.


I am sorry for the length of this, I would love to hear anyone's opinion, but I think i really just needed to get all this out. I do love her, and will not leave her ever, I just need a way to talk to her about these things without making it worse.


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## Blaze (Sep 16, 2009)

*See the bold print for my comments...*




MarriedInTexas said:


> There are lots of things I could say, I am sure I could type for hours, but I will try to be brief and just explain the most pressing things in my relationship in hopes that someone else has or is going through this and could possibly help. *That's ok, let it all out... that's what we're here for. *
> 
> First, understand that even though I have been thinking about leaving my wife, I do love her. I don't want to hurt her or myself, but I am having trouble being around her. *I can see into the future - you're not going to leave her. You're just going through some stuff right now.*
> 
> ...


*

***Please read my bold-print comments in your quote above***


Don't leave her - just work through this bump in the road. No one said marriage would be easy. And I gotta warn ya, once that baby comes you're going to have a new set of bumps in the road to deal with.. but I have faith in you two. You love one another enough to make that marriage committment after all those years and now you've made another human life together. What a joyous time this should be! Don't worry - things will work out. Just be honest and open with your expectations without being mean. And listen to her expectations too.

Good luck!

Blaze*


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