# My separation Going to be a divorce



## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

Well my story is complicated, I'm being married for 3 years and 5 in total, we had a lot of ups and downs, but always work it out, she is an passive aggressive person, before me, she was in a abusive relationship for almost 4 years, and she carry a lot of that to our relationship, i always support her, even when she mis treat me, hit me one time, and she verbally offended me, when we married she changed, she was good and loving, but she always had those moments, and I grow tired and start getting insecure and needy, and sometimes aggressive, but i never touched her, and exactly is been 1 month and half, she told me first that she need space, that she doesn't love me anymore, that she feels empty inside and don't want to be in the relationship, that hit me hard and took me a few days to actually get my head clear, but she agreed to stay in the house, but I noticed that she spent hours at the phone, talking with her friend, and even one day we had an argument and she ran from the house for 2 days, the she comes back and she told me that she is with no one, she was in her friend house. But 3 days later I saw her phone and she have her friend name twice, and that rise red flags,!she was having and affair emotional with one of my co worker, A "friend", she is lesbian, and we are in the same platoon, cause I'm in the army. That completely destroyed me, and I snapped and she told me that she was having feelings towards her, but she don't want to be in a relationship with a women, that she was curious and she had that fantasy since she was a little girl. 2 days later ahe left the house and she went to her grandmother house in florida, and she started a new job 3 weeks ago, she has being going out with her friend, and she erase me from Facebook, change her last name to her single one, and deleted my parents and some oh my photos, but she still have post and photos with me, and we are only talking about financial matters only. Im planing go there by the end of August and file the divorce, my parents told me that wait, but something told me that she is having and afair, I'm being doing limited contact and not beg or asking her for her return. And 2 days ago she called me, and she said that she miss the bed, her pillows and her wii, i told her that i will send it to her mother house, but her voice was calm cause other times that que spoke she had an aggressive tone, and every time that i metioned the separation agreement and the divorce talk, she responded that she don't want to talk about that, she is going to start working in her old job at the hospital in a couple weeks. I really need advise, Thank you


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Short term marriage with all this baggage? File and don't look back.

You are seeing her for who she is and that won't change. Why waste your life on this.

She's just gotten a bit uncomfortable with no where to go and she wants her plan B back for now but she'll leave again later.


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

Thank you for replying, is being really hard for me, but I'm getting stronger day by day, but in the weekends is when i get a little more sad and depressed, we have only 43 days separate, and preparing myself for divorce, because i know that she is not the person that i fall in love. She told me that she erase some photos and my family from Facebook, because she don't want stuff that reminds me, and i did the same a few weeks ago. But she still wants us to share the car ensurance and the phone too. I'm just waiting to get the separation papers signed to be able to divide all my stuff from her, and then focus in the DP. Because I'm in virginia amd she is in miami. And i have to reques leave days for me be able to go there.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Oscarquevedo83 said:


> Thank you for replying, is being really hard for me, but I'm getting stronger day by day, but in the weekends is when i get a little more sad and depressed, we have only 43 days separate, and preparing myself for divorce, because i know that she is not the person that i fall in love. She told me that she erase some photos and my family from Facebook, because she don't want stuff that reminds me, and i did the same a few weeks ago. But she still wants us to share the car ensurance and the phone too. I'm just waiting to get the separation papers signed to be able to divide all my stuff from her, and then focus in the DP. Because I'm in virginia amd she is in miami. And i have to reques leave days for me be able to go there.


Why would you take off days from work and go to florida? Just send her the paperwork for signature.


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

She still have a lot of stuff here at my house, i have everything packed, I want to go to florida, to file the D there, cause is faster than here in virginia, here it takes 6 months, florida is way fast, and i want visit my family also, I'm by myself here at my duty station.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Oscarquevedo83 said:


> she was having and affair emotional with one of my co worker, A "friend", she is lesbian, and we are in the same platoon, cause I'm in the army. That completely destroyed me


Tell your commanding officer immediately. She can be disciplined severely for having an affair with another solider in her platoon.



Oscarquevedo83 said:


> And 2 days ago she called me, and she said that she miss the bed, her pillows and her wii, i told her that i will send it to her mother house


I miss my wii? LOL! What a fvcking loser, good answer though. Do mail it to her mom. In about 100 pieces....



Oscarquevedo83 said:


> I really need advise, Thank you


Dump the lesbian. She's a piece of trash. Bad enough trying to deal with another D. You can't offer her a V. It's over. Walk away.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Takes 2 to be married but only one to divorce, and she has told you and is showing you she is done. You can't be married with someone that is checked out and not interested in making a marriage work so let her go gracefully, have the separation papers drafted by your attorney and hope to get as amicable separation as you can so you can move on with your own life as best you can. Good luck! sucks I know but everyone who has been through similar will advise you that you will be better off and have a more meaningful life in the long run.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*File for divorce and put this piece of bad news squarely in the rear-view mirror! 

And thank your lucky stars for ridding yourself of this chronic debilitating scourge!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

Well, i have the divorce draft done already, is just matter of weeks, I sent all her crap by mail, and made her paid it, regarding the lesbian soldier, she is being punish with a dishonorable discharge, and my name is clean, I'm getting better day by day, is not easy, but she made her choice, and she just want to be separated for now, but I want divorce and done with this hell, and move on. She talked a lot of **** about me, to her family, but I don't want ruin her life and tell her family who she really is. But I will keep updating here, cause it help a lot have more input, i know she will call me or text me, be she is f..&$&&, thank you so much.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It was/had been my experience that women in the military are wounded souls or soon will be...... THIS.

I put just under 40 years in the Army...both Active duty and as a Reservist Officer.

It is a very hard life for men. For women? Wow, the pressures that they must endure.

Men are continually hitting on them, their SO's are back home and worrying about them, thinking the worst. If she being faithful, will she forget about me?

And the military women worry that their husbands or SOs are being unfaithful. 

If they have children, they miss them terribly......hope they are being treated well. Guilt is overwhelming.

During these stressful times they look for a shoulder to cry on. If it is a man's, well you know how men can be.

Lot's and lot's of cheating, at home and during deployments.

For a "Lifer" I can only wish you "Good Luck" in finding another woman, in the service, or not.

OP, stay away from women who are highly sexed and have many failed relationships. They are not good candidates to leave at home [alone] for extended periods.


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

Well, so far I'm doing well and getting strong, in mater of days i going to file the D process, she has been testing my strength and will, calling me, even last sunday she call me 5 times, and we had an argument, i told her that I'm tired of her ****, she told all kinds of excuses and offenses, same old same old. Truth is that every time that she told me that doesn't love me, for me is that, I'm glad that all this happened, cause she is a toxic women that never going to change. Later this week she has been calling me, even FaceTime calls, I ignored most of them, but she ask me how i feel, photos of my dog, but i have my mind set done. She even have the face to tell me, that what i dont call her to se how she is doing, i told her, when do you call me to see how i was doing. In the end, in a few days i will start the end of this nightmare.


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> It was/had been my experience that women in the military are wounded souls or soon will be...... THIS.
> 
> I put just under 40 years in the Army...both Active duty and as a Reservist Officer.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your thoughts, they are well received, yes for now my focus is end this, and be by myself until the perfect one show up, military life is hard for relationships, but it takes strong will and determination to succeed in a relationship.


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> It was/had been my experience that women in the military are wounded souls or soon will be...... THIS.
> 
> I put just under 40 years in the Army...both Active duty and as a Reservist Officer.
> 
> ...



Thank you for your Service ..


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

Well since my last update, today is the day, im going to fl, to start the D papers, she has shown some interest about the process, and she admitted that she sometimes miss me and bla bla, and she feels guilty for all the pain and misery that she put me through this past 80 days. And she told me that she is having some hard time to get used to, and adapt. But let's see what happen in the next few days, which me luck and strength to pass al this situation. Amy advice are gladly accepted.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

What everybody else said.....


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

That i have to proceed with the divorce papers


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I am sorry for the end of your marriage. It does get easier. Like anything else, it just takes time.


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

Well after 3 months and half, I filled the divorce papers and just waiting for the final hearing, thank goodness it was uncontested, she agreed to sign, but she suddenly started crying, saying sorry for make me go through all this. And next day we went to that bank to close our account, and she started explains why our relationship fail, of course is my faul, that she never was 100% in love, but i told her that at this point closure is not important, but she keeps talkingc she told the she feels guilty, but i told her that is time to let go, she suggested me that get someone to talk, to get over her, lol, funny, cause I said to her, 100 % of the time when they said so, they already have one. And she flipped lol, but thanks god, this nightmare ends. Now is time to keep healing, and enjoy myself. I just want to thank everyone who helped me during this period of time. God knows that i tried and I was naive, but everything has and end.


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

Is finally done, 5 months just past, but I'm done with this nightmare. Thank you to all who give me a very needed advice.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Why was your ex discharged? Unless she was the superior officer being discharged for adultery that is somewhat unusual.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Congrats! Divorce sets you free. I know I'm the happiest I've ever been post divorce. The world awaits you!


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

JohnA said:


> Why was your ex discharged? Unless she was the superior officer being discharged for adultery that is somewhat unusual.


Yes, she was discharged, her and another female soldier, now she is crying and asking for forgiveness.


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## Oscarquevedo83 (Jul 31, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Congrats! Divorce sets you free. I know I'm the happiest I've ever been post divorce. The world awaits you!


Thank you, i feel very good actually, totally opposite that her, she is now regretting all her mistakes, to late now.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

what bandit.45 said....


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Oscarquevedo83 said:


> Yes, she was discharged, her and another female soldier, now she is crying and asking for forgiveness.


She cries to you and asked for your forgiveness?


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