# I am struggling to accept this



## djo (Jun 11, 2017)

I have been married for last two years and before marriage I dated my husband for 5 years. He is an amazing guy, highly adorable and committed. our relationship had ups and downs but we stood strong by each other's side. He supported me by all possible means even before marriage. I have a very good friend she is also very caring and has been with me in all odds. My friend is a daughter of 5yo girl. she is separated. me and my husband care for her and often visit her place since her daughter is also attached with us. this weekend we went at her place and her daughter wanted us to stay back in night so we stayed back. we had drink and dinner. her daughter was sleeping with her parents in the other bedroom so we three decided to sleep in one bedroom. 
My husband me and my friend were sleeping suddenly I realized that something was happening between my husband and my friend in midnight. they thought that I am slept since I was sleeping in between after a couple of minutes my friend changed her place she came and lie down next to my husband and eventually my husband was in between two of us.
I could see them cuddling and getting involved. Had someone told me this I wouldn't have believed but I saw all that happening with my very own eyes. I could not believe what I was seeing yet I kept patience and did not react. I could actually listen to the sound of kisses between my friend and my husband. After they were finished and she took her place next too me I whispered in my husband's ears that "Baby I was not sleeping and I have seen everything" he had no answer and I got up now I was sitting on the bed initially they both did not accept what happened later they accepted and said sorry. I moved in the balcony with my friend she said sorry a couple of times. I felt bad but I still love both of them. I told them that I don't want to talk about it in future. they both felt very bad and have promised not to repeat it. after coming back home my husband tried to talk to me twice but I refused. My friend called me and said sorry many a times. I love both of them and I don't want to spoil my friendship neither I am ready to spoil my marriage but whatever I saw last night is troubling me and I am struggling to get over. I know both of them are amazing people and love me a lot. I understand that it happened in a bad moment but I am not being able to come back to normal. Its tough and I don't know how to cope with what I saw.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Personally, I'd tell them they're perfect for each other and immediately file for divorce. You may love them, but neither of them loves you. If even one of them actually loved you, nothing would have happened.

Also, if they were bold enough to do it with you right there in the same room, I'd imagine this isn't the first time. This is just the first time you know about.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Since nothing that happened that night was "normal" in a mindfully committed relationship with spouses or friends, why would that be expected?

Both the friendship and the marriage has suffered... I would struggle trusting either right now as well, especially when neither offer you the respect that the position of "husband" or "friend" should honor.

If they cannot honor you, why would you offer them your presence? I don't think I could call either a friend... people who truly care about you do not to that.

Of course you care about them and it hurts to be so disappointed, but don't you think you should love yourself more?

I know different cultures handle such indiscretions differently, but can you ever trust them again?

Such forwardness has me believing this was not the first...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If you want your marriage, you have to drop the friendship.

If you want the friendship... well... actually, there's no real way to save that. You'd have to resign yourself to never introducing her to another boyfriend or husband ever again. So drop the friend either way.

If you want your dignity and self-respect, drop them both.

A couple more thoughts...

The ridiculousness of the entire scenario notwithstanding, how do you just lay there with that going on? Were you turned on by it? Be honest.

Have you considered that perhaps your husband and "friend" have been at this for some time? What led to her separation?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If they were audacious enough to do this with you in the bed,and frankly I'm having trouble believing it,then you can be sure they are having a full on sexual affair.She is looking for a new partner and he thinks you are enough of a doormat to accept this behaviour.I would cut off all contact with her immediately and then take a good long while to decide if I wanted to stay married to someone who would cheat on me while I was in the same bed.
If this is true that is.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Please trust us that you cannot keep both of them in your life. You will have to make a decision - him or her. They cannot both be in your life anymore. It WILL not stop now.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Make no mistake, she is NOT a friend


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> If they were audacious enough to do this with you in the bed,and frankly I'm having trouble believing it,then you can be sure they are having a full on sexual affair.She is looking for a new partner and he thinks you are enough of a doormat to accept this behaviour.I would cut off all contact with her immediately and then take a good long while to decide if I wanted to stay married to someone who would cheat on me while I was in the same bed.
> If this is true that is.


I don't doubt it at all. Mostly because I've actually had it happen irl back in my 20's. My exH tried TWICE. Once with a friend who had to stay because there weren't any sober drivers and once with a friend who had to stay due to a winter storm. I stayed over a couple different houses for various reasons and had a couple guys try with me, too. Hell, back when I was living in townhouse apartments my next door neighbor was nicknamed "Creeper Ken" because he'd wait til his wife went to sleep (ambien), creep out all dressed up, and sometimes manage to creep back in with a few people to fool around in the basement man cave. He'd just sneak everyone out around 4 am because his wife got up for work at 5.

Some people really do give zero ****s. Others think they're too good to get caught.

I ran into Creeper Ken at a gas station a couple years after I moved away. I was shocked, shocked, I say, to hear that he was divorced and no longer living at the townhouse.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> I don't doubt it at all. Mostly because I've actually had it happen irl back in my 20's. My exH tried TWICE. Once with a friend who had to stay because there weren't any sober drivers and once with a friend who had to stay due to a winter storm. I stayed over a couple different houses for various reasons and had a couple guys try with me, too. Hell, back when I was living in townhouse apartments my next door neighbor was nicknamed "Creeper Ken" because he'd wait til his wife went to sleep (ambien), creep out all dressed up, and sometimes manage to creep back in with a few people to fool around in the basement man cave. He'd just sneak everyone out around 4 am because his wife got up for work at 5.
> 
> Some people really do give zero ****s. Others think they're too good to get caught.
> 
> I ran into Creeper Ken at a gas station a couple years after I moved away. I was shocked, shocked, I say, to hear that he was divorced and no longer living at the townhouse.


When you write your life story put me down for a copy.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

You don't seem mad enough and I don't know why. Some people like to turn the other way and pretend it didn't happen, so they don't have to deal with it. Give yourself some time. I understand people make mistakes... but this was not a mistake, he had you next to him and her, and he CHOOSE her. And he did it right in front of your face. In my opinion he should be on his hands and knees begging for your forgiveness and if he isn't, then he isn't a good guy. I mean come on this is your best friend. As far as she goes... I would never ever forgive her.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

"I don't want to spoil my friendship .........."
Too late.
Your friend did that already!


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You should not accept this. These two already were doing this, before this night. You have noticed the ease on how your friend laid next to your husband. You said that "they are both amazing people". I say that both are "Amazing Traitors"! Drop this friend immediately and never let her back in your life. She is an enemy of yours! I'm without words for your husband. I have no words of comfort for you as I have not experienced infidelity in my 37 years of marriage. I'm 59 years old. How old are you and your husband?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Toxic people lead to toxic lives.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

djo said:


> I could see them cuddling and getting involved. Had someone told me this I wouldn't have believed but I saw all that happening with my very own eyes. I could not believe what I was seeing yet I kept patience and did not react.* I could actually listen to the sound of kisses between my friend and my husband. After they were finished and she took her place next too me *I whispered in my husband's ears that "Baby I was not sleeping and I have seen everything" he had no answer and I got up now I was sitting on the bed initially they both did not accept what happened later they accepted and said sorry.


A tradition in India?

You do know this is not the first time they have been together. Now it happens again with you in the bed, say what? You were being baited by your H and "best friend" to join in. Your H and besty are having an affair and now what you too. 

How considerate. :surprise:

Dump them both.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

If you think that's a friend I hope you never have any enemies.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Sound's to me like the husband is caught in the middle of this friendship. I read a story similar to this years ago.


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