# What do you think?



## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

I want to hear other people's opinion on this issue. My ex cheated on me with another woman. That woman knew that we had been married 27 years. I despise my husband (although I still love him) and the other woman. Several people tell me that I shouldn't be mad at the OW because since she wasn't married she did nothing wrong. Really? I agree I shouldn't waste my energy on the OW but my exes family (who I am still very close to) do not understand why I refuse to come to any family events if she is there. I would like to hear how others feel about the subject.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Baseballmom6 said:


> I want to hear other people's opinion on this issue. My ex cheated on me with another woman. That woman knew that we had been married 27 years. I despise my husband (although I still love him) and the other woman. Several people tell me that I shouldn't be mad at the OW because since she wasn't married she did nothing wrong. Really? I agree I shouldn't waste my energy on the OW but my exes family (who I am still very close to) do not understand why I refuse to come to any family events if she is there. I would like to hear how others feel about the subject.


The OW is a home wrecker. She knew that the man she was "dating" was married to someone else. You have every right to dislike the lowlife, especially in light of the fact that you and your H were still together.

As to family events, why should anyone question your right not to attend an event with your cheating ex-spouse and the woman he was cheating with? Like you are supposed to overlook the fact that she is a home wrecker? Everyone in your H's family should understand the discomfort you feel around her, especially when she attends with your X in tow.

While they may have a point that it was your H that did the actually cheating on you, he could not have done so without the consent and participation of the home wrecker, so you have every right to feel what you feel and to not acknowledge his "new" relationship.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Baseballmom6 said:


> I want to hear other people's opinion on this issue. My ex cheated on me with another woman. That woman knew that we had been married 27 years. I despise my husband (although I still love him) and the other woman. Several people tell me that I shouldn't be mad at the OW because since she wasn't married she did nothing wrong. Really? I agree I shouldn't waste my energy on the OW but my exes family (who I am still very close to) do not understand why I refuse to come to any family events if she is there. I would like to hear how others feel about the subject.


I don't feel she should be invited to family events but then again I'm a vindictive one when it comes to stuff like that.

Yes it's true she wasn't married and she wasn't the one who made promises of fidelity to you.But she still helped to ruin your marriage.Of course you're going to be angry at her.

I will say this,I am betting the OW is feeling pretty intimidated by the thought of being around you at a family function.Especially bc you were married to this man for 27 years.The time she has spent with him is barely even a ripple in time compared to that many years.Time served is your power my dear.Go to those events,be easy going,natural,smiley,and flawless.Be a lady and you'll feel worlds better while she'll go home feeling like a stubby worthless little wh*re.Use the family events as an opportunity to let her see the real you,not the you your exhusband has probably painted you as when he speaks to OW.
Turn your anger into something useful.A tool for giving you strength to show every one and yourself that you're a good woman and that chick is scum.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If you still wish to see his family, then arrange times that you can be there when your ex and the OW are not. Its nice they still wish to include you, but things are no longer how they used to be, and they should respect that.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I totally agree that she is scum just like him. It took two; he made the choice to cheat and she made the choice to have sex with a married man.

That being said, like Scarlet suggested, I would go, look my best, hold my head high, be icy polite when required to acknowledge her but otherwise I would make HER uncomfortable at family events. It's YOUR family, not hers. OWN it. Make everyone wonder why he would ever risk losing you for her. Class is timeless.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Thanks for the feedback. I really wish I was the kind of person that could attend events and ignore her but I am not especially since I want to claw her eyes out when I see her. The difficult part is that my X-MIL lives right next door to me so I get to see my X, the other woman and his whole family celebrate the holidays right under my nose. I do go visit his mother sometimes when they aren't around but because I am so bitter at how easily she was accepted into the family I have been staying away lately. I understand that although his mother isn't happy about the breakup he is her only son and she loves him. However she is also one of those people who will do anything to keep the peace and therefore she acts like nothing has changed and that I should still feel like a part of the family and come over on holidays. It takes everything in me not to tell his mother that one of the few martial issues we had was that my X wanted to have threesomes and I would not. The OW however openly advertises for "partners (male or female) that want to play with a very sexual woman and her boyfriend." So no I won't be a part of a threesome of any kind no matter how much it hurts to feel left out. All I know is I can't wait for the Karma bus to run them both over.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I think you are justified in how you feel. She's scum. She committed adultery even though she herself isn't married. 

Definition of Adultery: Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.

In my book she's as scummy as he is. She KNEW he was married and decided to commit adultery anyway. 

Your former inlaws are insensitive fools..I'd build a very tall fence so I wouldn't have to deal with them or look at them. 

I would have nothing to do with ANY of them. I don't socialze with scum and fools and I certainly don't waste my time being "nice" to them. I don't see the point. Surely you have better things to do with your time? 

Some things get "zero tolerance" in my book. This is one of them.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Agree with Freak.
In my case it was an old boyfriend from highschool. 
HE knew she was married, yet pursued anyways, despite everyone involved, and that means he was a shthead with no conscience.
She, despite years of claiming a mere "Friendship", allowed the intrusion and subsequent smearing of her perception of her own life with me. 
So... fk them both, cold shoulder, scorched earth policy for me.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Baseballmom6 said:


> Thanks for the feedback. I really wish I was the kind of person that could attend events and ignore her but I am not especially since I want to claw her eyes out when I see her. The difficult part is that my X-MIL lives right next door to me so I get to see my X, the other woman and his whole family celebrate the holidays right under my nose. I do go visit his mother sometimes when they aren't around but because I am so bitter at how easily she was accepted into the family I have been staying away lately. I understand that although his mother isn't happy about the breakup he is her only son and she loves him. However she is also one of those people who will do anything to keep the peace and therefore she acts like nothing has changed and that I should still feel like a part of the family and come over on holidays. It takes everything in me not to tell his mother that one of the few martial issues we had was that my X wanted to have threesomes and I would not. The OW however openly advertises for "partners (male or female) that want to play with a very sexual woman and her boyfriend." So no I won't be a part of a threesome of any kind no matter how much it hurts to feel left out. All I know is I can't wait for the Karma bus to run them both over.


Well, in light of all that... I would move. Seriously. Why subject yourself to that?

She isn't your MIL any more. I loved my MIL (still do) but she is no longer my family, as sad as that is. 

It is up to your ex to make sure she has a relationship with the grandchildren so you have no need to be part of that family anymore. It sux - you have developed a close relationship with all of these people over the past 30 years but it has to be done.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think you need to live your life for yourself and not listen to what other people think you "should" do. You lived your marriage and the betrayal, not anyone else.

My personal opinion is that while she was not married, she helped betray your marriage. You can't have an affair w/o two willing partners. Your husband betrayed your marriage and his vows to you, but she was also a participant.

My advice is to do what you need to do to feel better. If that means not being at places where they both are, then so be it. Nobody would feel good in that situation, IMO.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well, in light of all that... I would move. Seriously. Why subject yourself to that?
> 
> She isn't your MIL any more. I loved my MIL (still do) but she is no longer my family, as sad as that is.
> 
> It is up to your ex to make sure she has a relationship with the grandchildren so you have no need to be part of that family anymore. It sux - you have developed a close relationship with all of these people over the past 30 years but it has to be done.


:iagree: Moving can be difficult in this economy. I guess it depends on where you live but a "For Sale" sign will certainly send the right message and you never know, someone might buy your house and you can move away from all this toxicity and start over. I'm all about doing that. 

I don't hang with people who make my life miserable. Period. If they want to see their grandchildren they can do it when your ex has them. If I couldn't move away from them I'd do a great job of ignoring them after I let them know that I don't want anything more to do with them. 

I haven't talked to my OWN family in 10 years so I'm pretty good at this sort of thing and it's a decision that I never regretted doing.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I think you need to live your life for yourself and not listen to what other people think you "should" do. You lived your marriage and the betrayal, not anyone else.
> 
> My personal opinion is that while she was not married, she helped betray your marriage. You can't have an affair w/o two willing partners. Your husband betrayed your marriage and his vows to you, but she was also a participant.


I'm with JB. No need to put up with their crap. Make up your mind, follow your heart and stick to your guns. 

Yeah..a willing and able participant is what the OW was. She has a choice. I'm in an interesting situation myself. A really good friend of mine, a guy who had a FWB situation years ago has come back into my life. He's married, has a kid and his wife and him haven't had sex in over a year. He's not leaving the marriage. He's devoted to his kids but he's definitely dropped hints that he'd be "open" to a FWB type of deal. 

I took this one head on and told him that so was I..once he got divorced and moved out of his house. Short of that, NO deal. :nono:

Believe me, I'd love to be able take him up on that offer because as I recall we had a VERY good time between the sheets but that was when we were single. Now it's entirely different. 

I would never EVER be THAT women, the kind of woman who sleeps with a married man who has a family and could potentially be the cause of the destruction of that family. I need to sleep at night and be able to look at myself in the mirror. 

So yeah, human beings have the capacity to know right from wrong and make a choice and IMO that woman made the WRONG one. There's no excuse for that.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

EnjoliWoman and Freak: Moving is not an option for me now. We live in a small community on 2 acres and his mother shares my water well. So if I sold my house she would have no water. I just can't justify punishing her because her son turned out to be a jerk. 

In hindsight, I was so pissed that I divorced his ass quickly. We have 2 older children who were still living at home at the time. Our divorce was final in 4 months and for only $236.00. I work for lawyers so was able to do it myself. I guess he felt so guilty (or he's just that stupid) that he read and signed everything I handed him even the Original Petition for Divorce which stated "for multiple acts of adultery". I should have never forgiven him for cheating the first time I caught him (12 years ago). Anyway, the house is paid for and so it seemed like the thing to do at the time. Now unless he comes up with $5,000-$7,000 to dig her a well I am stuck for the time being. 

I guess one of the reasons that holidays suck now is because our children are adults and my son went next door to the big family gathering. Our daughter is living in Turkey for the next two years. It was very sad for me not being a part of that anymore. Next year I will beat them to the punch and have Easter at my house with my son.

I do love my MIL but I have decided that we need lots of time and distance between us for now. Who knows maybe one day I can be a bigger person and "just get over it" like some people like to say.

Oh yeah, to add insult to injury: Our daughter's car (which me and my ex paid cash for and gave her for college graduation) was titled only in my husband's name. Since it was officially our daughter's car I didn't put it in the divorce papers. Well, our daughter ask her Dad to sell her car for her while she was in Turkey and guess what the ass did. Yeah, you got it... he purchased it and gave it to his girlfriend so now I get to see her drive our daughter's car. 

Wow, life can be so unfair can't it!


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Well Freak... I definately admire and think every highly of you for that decision. 

The interesting thing is this OW's husband did the same exact thing to her several years ago. They had been married for 23 years, he cheated on her and then left her for the OW. So she knew exactly how much pain it would cause me.

The day I confronted my ex for cheating (to which he admitted to), I called her up and said a few choice words and then kicked my ex out of the house. She called me back and said "I really didn't mean to hurt you." Blah, Blah, Blah. At the end of the conversation she said "I guess I should just stay away from him and see if you two can work things out." I didn't say this at the time but thought "No BIT_H, you should have stayed out of it in the beginning." Guess where my husband slept that very night? Yes, in her bed and has ever since. Some people just have no morals. :scratchhead:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I guess I'm heartless - I figure either the next owners will share the water (maybe even put it in the closing documents) or else ex will figure out a way to get water for Momma. Not your problem. They wouldn't let her go waterless. Something would be done.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I guess I'm heartless - I figure either the next owners will share the water (maybe even put it in the closing documents) or else ex will figure out a way to get water for Momma. Not your problem. They wouldn't let her go waterless. Something would be done.


This was my thought, too.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I have had this conversation with many jilted friends and friends that have been involved with "not single" people and here is what it comes down to.

If the person you are with is cheating on someone else, what makes you think they will not cheat on you?

BBMom, I would have that conversation with the posOW if you see her and watch her squirm.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Stretch,

That is exactly what I told the POS OW. I told her "If he cheated on me 3 times that I know of and probably many more that I heard of but couldn't prove what on earth makes you think he won't cheat on you." Her response "Well maybe he's just happy now." Uh, OK go ahead and believe that stupid.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

She will get what she deserves. Karma is a b!tch. Sometimes you marry one.  What goes around comes around. If he screwed around on you, he'll do it to her. Trust me on this. 

THAT is why I'd never get involved with someone who cheated on his wife. That would be a deal breaker for me. And I'll never be a component in wrecking someone else's life. No way. I'm not a religious person but I believe that when we leave this world we should do it in a way that you can be proud of. I could never be proud of myself if I did this to anyone. 

BTW, I'm with the ones above. I'd sell the damn house and let them deal with it. They don't seem to be caring much about your pain these days. 

The older children are a problem. Right now I don't have that problem because my daughter hates her father and has nothing to do with him so she's not hanging out with him for any holidays. My son is devoted to his father and I have no problems with him spending time with him. It's just what life is and part of divorce is dealing with these situation. But I'm not feeling the pain and anger towards my ex that you are. He did bad things but I don't think he's a bad person and he didn't cheat on me multiple times. 

Plus, holidays aren't a big deal to me. On Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are important emotionally to me and it would hurt to be alone. I'd probably go away or something if I was alone. I'm just like that. I know my daughter wouldn't let me spend a holiday alone. She came home to spend Easter with me and bought me flowers. I'm truly blessed to have both my kids. 

Just cultivate your relationship with your kids the best you can and try not to let your feelings and anger towards your ex spill into your relationship with your kids. Kids, even older ones, get really uncomfortable when one parent is going on and getting angry about the other. They need to be taken out of the equation so you have to at least ACT like you aren't affected by your ex and his actions or else you might drive your kids away. Try not to let that happen. 

I'd let the thing with the car go. It's between your ex and your daughter. Don't get involved.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Your right Freak, I have really been careful about what I say to my kids about their Dad. It's funny some days I am so mad at the ex that I can't think of nothing else, some days I could care less that he is even alive. 

Our son didn't talk to his Dad for months after I kicked him out of the house. The reason was because as ex was about to load some clothes in the car he walked by our son's bedroom, opened the door and said "Your Mom and I are separating for a while." So then ex starts again to the car, stops goes back to our son's room and says "and No it's not about another woman." WTF. Our son is 22 and ex lies right to his face. Did he not think our son would learn the truth? Anyway at Christmas time (5 months later) I asked our son to forgive his Dad for lying and contact him. He did and so they now talk again. Of course son doesn't really respect his Dad anymore but still loves him. 

Anyway, thanks for your feedback. Time heals all things I know.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

BBMom, in the same vein as Freak on Karma. Who more than those of us that are doing the 180 to improve ourselves knows how tough change can be? Your ex is probably not working on himself and will fall back into the cruel bad habit he developed regarding common decency to another person that he loved at some point in your relationship

I am not here to judge but I am pretty sure that the posOW is going to end up disappointed and you have my permission to have a good laugh when it happens.

Be good, we are going to survive and thrive,
Stretch


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

l agree with you actually.
Families have a very convenient grey spot when it's
not their problem or it's one of their own kids.
And the OW, l don't agree with people on that either.
l mean married 27years ,for fk sake if she stayed out
of it you guys might have had a chance to work it out.
Same with my x's OM. l know damn well she was in a fradgile
way at the time and -- she was still married and with
children.
We could have worked it out if he wasn't there to
catch her.
You bet l hate the a/h , you don't mess with married
people in my book.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Thanks whitehawk. Some people just don't get it. How many men out there just want a loyal, hard-working wife. Guess it wasn't enough for my ex. He told me several times during our divorce that it wasn't anything I did or didn't do. It was just him. I just don't get it and guess I never will. My ex was married twice before I met him. He was my first. Guess I should have ran for the hills when i found out he had been married twice already. I assumed after 27 years that we were in for the duration. Boy was I wrong!


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Baseballmom6 said:


> Thanks whitehawk. Some people just don't get it. How many men out there just want a loyal, hard-working wife. Guess it wasn't enough for my ex. He told me several times during our divorce that it wasn't anything I did or didn't do. It was just him. I just don't get it and guess I never will. My ex was married twice before I met him. He was my first. Guess I should have ran for the hills when i found out he had been married twice already. I assumed after 27 years that we were in for the duration. Boy was I wrong!




It probably is him not you. Twice before , some people just aren't built to be stayers maybe he's one of those but 27 years , I never know how people walk away from that.
I'll say one thing though , there's lots of guys that would kill to have a loyal hardworking women don't worry about that one.
It's the same for guys though it's not enough alone so it depends how everything else was . Damn hard holding things together there's so many things come into it.
BUt for that long , the family would feel you are part of them I guess so conveniently over looking the OW angle . But yeah too bigger ask I reckon , couldn't do it myself.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Stretch said:


> I am not here to judge but I am pretty sure that the posOW is going to end up disappointed and you have my permission to have a good laugh when it happens.
> 
> Be good, we are going to survive and thrive,
> Stretch


Yeah, looks like I will get the last laugh after all. Key logger is still on Exes computer and just for grins I looked at it recently. He is now a member of FindCheaters.com. Guess he is still looking for happiness that PosOW is apparently not providing. I laugh as I remember her answer to my question of What makes you think he won't cheat on you? Her answer "Because he's happy now." He will never change and she is stupid for thinking he will.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Amen to that BBM.

Live a righteous life and you will never have to apologize.

Stay strong,
Stretch


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

BBM,

Hope you are working on yourself and getting better.

Peace,
Stretch


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Thanks Stretch

I am working on myself and getting better. Thanks for asking. My exH and his posOW stayed at his mother's house (next door to me) last week because his mother was in the hospital. I am happy to say it didn't bother me as much as it did last time they were down.

I saw a private FB conversation he had with one of our friends where he made the comment "Know the old saying you don't know what you had until it is gone." Made me feel good although he would never say it to me. Anyway, I am at the point to where I just pity his poor decision making skills. :smthumbup:

How are you doing?


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Everything good here, thanks for asking.

Stretch


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I am pretty old testament about this..

Stone them in the town square, BYO rocks.

if that does't do it.. I would go in for a bit of smiting.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Next Saturday would have been my 28th wedding anniversary and so I am feeling a little sad tonight. Not that I miss the ex really, just that I miss what should have been. 

Especially since our son just told me that he purchased his girlfriend a $6,000 wedding ring and will be popping the question soon. I am proud that he is only 23 (turned 23 last week) but had saved up for the ring and paid cash for it. His Dad couldn't save a dollar if it killed him! Anyway, although I am excited for him, it quickly turned to dread. I am sure the wedding won't take place for at least a year but.... what if ex is still with POS OW. I have refused to be anywhere near her thus far but... what will this mean? Damn sure don't want to be in any pictures with her. This is going to be really hard! If only ex hadn't been so damn selfish this would have been a great family event. I hate him more every day! Ugh!


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