# Do You Judge Other Women's FB Photos?



## bravenewworld

Recently, one of my friends posted a picture on FB of her in a bikini on the beach with the caption "AM Surfing!" Within the past year she had a baby and I thought she looked great, so I liked the post and commented how I wished I was out surfing too.

We have a lot of mutual friends and somehow at a brunch the topic came up of her posting a bikini pic on fb. I was surprised how many of the females thought it was an offensive post. 

Reasons varied - some people thought no one should post bikini pics on the internet, others thought it was inappropriate for a mother to post such a picture. One person seemed slightly upset because her own husband commented how good friend's body looked post-baby. 

Which leads to my question - do you judge or get offended by other women's fb pictures? Bikini pictures don't bother me at all, however, some things I do judge people on - excessive selfies (especially when making a duck face) or selfies in an inappropriate location like a bathroom where the toilet is visible. :rofl:


----------



## Leveret

I would be lying if I said I didn't judge others, badly or good, when I see them (picture or real life). Sometimes I really don't like an image of FB of a friend but that's not for me to complain about.

I suppose the one I run into a lot for myself is images of my BIL's gf. She's tiny and beautiful and likes to show it off. I'm rather average looking and curvy, so I sometimes feel inadequate when I compare us. I even feel bitter sometimes at her pictures, but then I remind myself how beautiful my husband thinks I am and how I shouldn't need to compare her and I, and I can see her for just her with no resentment. Certainly she could wear a bikini and I couldn't, but meh, I wouldn't feel okay in a bikini thin or not; it's not who I am.


----------



## Leveret

Doublepost. Stupid net.


----------



## Anonymous07

bravenewworld said:


> Which leads to my question - do you judge or get offended by other women's fb pictures? Bikini pictures don't bother me at all, however, some things I do judge people on - excessive selfies (especially when making a duck face) or selfies in an inappropriate location like a bathroom where the toilet is visible. :rofl:


:iagree:

Selfies drive me crazy. It's way too self-centered/narcissistic for me. My cousin does that all the time and I ended up hiding all of her photos. 

I am not bothered by bikini pictures. Personally, I don't post bikini pictures or any revealing pictures online, but I don't care if other people want to. Although I finally feel like I can wear a bikini again since my stretch marks have faded and I'm back to pre-baby weight. I am definitely wearing a bikini again this summer.


----------



## imtamnew

Isnt it nice that people want to decide what other people who are not even their friends should or should not post.


----------



## NextTimeAround

im_tam said:


> Isnt it nice that people want to decide what other people who are not even their friends should or should not post.


And your point is?......


----------



## imtamnew

NextTimeAround said:


> And your point is?......


That this discussion is absurd.

Someone commented on a friends picture in FB.
Now because of this people on her friends list got to see the said picture.
They then get to pass a judgement on someone they have no clue about.

How crazy is that?

Why should it even matter to the person in the picture.


----------



## daisygirl 41

I say good for her if she feels confident enough to do that.
It's no big deal. It's up to her what she posts.


----------



## Cosmos

I'm careful about posting photos on the internet, so it's doubtful that I would ever post half naked photos. However, I don't understand why your friend is getting flack from her (so called) friends. Sounds like a bit of jealousy going on there.


----------



## Fenix

Yes. *The* OWs' pictures, but in general, no.


----------



## Jellybeans

Re: your friend--that is crappy that her own friends are being rude to her. Was it a pic of her in a thong or something? 

With that said, picture judging - it's not just about women.

I admit that if someone posts half-naked pictures of themself as their profile picture, I think the probably want validation. I personally don't understand why anyone would share to share their body like that with the world but to each their own. This directly stems from the fact that I personally would never make a bikini pic my profile picture.

People like the two below, yes, I judge. The douche is emanating off of them (and they should probably date each other):


----------



## Jellybeans

Anonymous07 said:


> :. Although I finally feel like I can wear a bikini again since my stretch marks have faded and I'm back to pre-baby weight. I am definitely wearing a bikini again this summer.


Woo hoo!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> however, some things I do judge people on - excessive selfies (especially when making a duck face) or selfies in an inappropriate location like a bathroom where the toilet is visible. :rofl:


Those are the WORST! And there are some people who post pic after pic after pic or status after status.

Have you guys ever known someone in real life and befriended them on FB and then realized how strange they are? LOL. Like, the stuff they say makes you wonder about them? Or they say really inappropriate things that make you feel odd? 

I know a guy who posts kissy faces and I think he thinks he's sexy but it's not. It's gross.


----------



## happy as a clam

No, I do not judge other women's FB photos. Frankly, I barely have time to scroll down past the last 10 or so posts to hit my newsfeed.

I do agree that there is a "new" narcissism created by social media; people constantly post selfies and that gets a little old after awhile.

But if she's confident enough to post a pic of herself in a bikini, more power to her.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

I don't care what people are posting on FB or anywhere else as far as pics go. My profile pic is my incredulous facial expression selfie. It doesn't matter what people think of it bc I think I look kinda hot when I'm making that face. 



I rarely get to see what others post bc I've stopped following all but the funny pages. 

FB is a cesspool of negativity all too often. I had a chick make a passive aggressive dig at me bc I posted so many dog pictures.Pics of my dogs,dogs I was fostering,dogs that needed homes/fosters. She felt people who post more pics of their dogs than of their children were mentally deranged. Eh,whatever. I'm not a fan of posting a thousand pics of my kid on the internet and she is..no need to get nasty about it.


----------



## Rowan

I'm apparently the last 30-something woman on the planet who does not have a Facebook page, so no, I don't judge other women's posted photos.

Now, the huge corkboard plastered edge to edge with duck-faced selfies of my ex-husband's girlfriend that's hanging on the wall in the back hall of what used to be my house? Yeah, that gets some judgement from me. Seriously, honey, he was cheating on you 3 weeks ago and y'all have broken up 6 times in 8 months. But, please, feel free to mark your territory.


----------



## Jellybeans

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'm not a fan of posting a thousand pics of my kid on the internet


Oh man, I hide those friends. I don't want to see the billionth picture of your child today. 

Funny story: there are three of us that went to college together. On FB, of them is a Billion Pictures of Kid-friend. The third friend emailed me recently saying, "I unfriended X." I asked why and she said "I am tired of seeing little Wesley and hearing about how only stay at home mothers are it."

:rofl:


----------



## happy as a clam

ScarletBegonias said:


> FB is a cesspool of negativity all too often.


Couldn't agree more. Many people try to portray and project their "perfect lives" on FB and it has the effect of making others feel bad or envious. Kind of sad, actually, because I know the "backstory" on many of their situations.

Honestly, the only reason I stay on FB is to keep up with my nieces and nephews, my own kids (!) lol, and extended family. Beyond that, meh...


----------



## Jellybeans

Also, Billion Pictures of Kid-friends are almost as bad as My Relationship is so Perfect-friends.


----------



## Jellybeans

happy as a clam said:


> Couldn't agree more. Many people try to portray and project their "perfect lives" on FB and it has the effect of making others feel bad or envious. K


One of my colleagues actually just did a research study on this. LOL.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Jellybeans said:


> Also, Billion Pictures of Kid-friends are almost as bad as My Relationship is so Perfect-friends.


:rofl: guilty of this at the beginning of my relationship..I couldn't help myself! I was sooooo happy I had to brag incessantly!

I'm still so happy but I've learned to restrain myself


----------



## Miss Taken

My old childhood friend's brother added me. One of his pictures was him giving the middle finger to a cop car while drinking a 40oz beer and dressed like a "gangsta". I just thought "grow up". The man is in his thirties... 

A college acquaintance of mine posts pretty provocative pictures. Her bending over against the wall, short skirt - thong showing... her baby in the background. Or really over the top PDA pics with her on-again-off-again jail-bird boyfriend... 

Yes, I am guilty of judging.

The bikini pic would not make me judge though. She was surfing, at the beach right? Not at a black-tie ****tail party. Doesn't seem inappropriate to me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Miss Taken said:


> My old childhood friend's brother added me. One of his pictures was him giving the middle finger to a cop car while drinking a 40oz beer and dressed like a "gangsta". I just thought "grow up". The man is in his thirties...
> 
> A college acquaintance of mine posts pretty provocative pictures. Her bending over against the wall, short skirt - thong showing... her baby in the background. Or really over the top PDA pics with her on-again-off-again jail-bird boyfriend...


:rofl: People amaze me as the things they post. Truly.


----------



## MRABoysHaveSmallPeanut

I was thinking that isn't it basically slvt shaming when women judge other women for posting sexy photos.


----------



## MaritimeGuy

As far as a woman in her bikini on a facebook page...if you don't like it don't look at it. 

I am against posting pictures of your kids though. I hope anyone does that has good levels of privacy set. There was a case here while back that a predator was able to piece together enough information from a woman's FB page to create a credible story for getting one of her kids into the car. Scary stuff...


----------



## Anonymous07

Jellybeans said:


> Also, Billion Pictures of Kid-friends are almost as bad as My Relationship is so Perfect-friends.


The my relationship is so perfect stuff drives me nutts. I have a friend who does that, but everyone knows she is overcompensating, trying to make herself believe she has a good relationship since her bf is a jerk. Blah. 

I was guilty of posting many pictures of my son, but have backed off. All of my settings are set to private, so not just anyone can see them and I have mostly family on my "friends" list, too.


----------



## NextTimeAround

im_tam said:


> That this discussion is absurd.
> 
> Someone commented on a friends picture in FB.
> Now because of this people on her friends list got to see the said picture.
> They then get to pass a judgement on someone they have no clue about.
> 
> How crazy is that?
> 
> Why should it even matter to the person in the picture.


And you're here to tell us what??


----------



## DoF

bravenewworld said:


> Reasons varied - some people thought no one should post bikini pics on the internet, others thought it was inappropriate for a mother to post such a picture. One person seemed slightly upset because her own husband commented how good friend's body looked post-baby.


And I will tell you that Facebook is a giant megaphone for retards.


----------



## Wolf1974

bravenewworld said:


> Recently, one of my friends posted a picture on FB of her in a bikini on the beach with the caption "AM Surfing!" Within the past year she had a baby and I thought she looked great, so I liked the post and commented how I wished I was out surfing too.
> 
> We have a lot of mutual friends and somehow at a brunch the topic came up of her posting a bikini pic on fb. I was surprised how many of the females thought it was an offensive post.
> 
> Reasons varied - some people thought no one should post bikini pics on the internet, others thought it was inappropriate for a mother to post such a picture. One person seemed slightly upset because her own husband commented how good friend's body looked post-baby.
> 
> Which leads to my question - do you judge or get offended by other women's fb pictures? Bikini pictures don't bother me at all, however, some things I do judge people on - excessive selfies (especially when making a duck face) or selfies in an inappropriate location like a bathroom where the toilet is visible. :rofl:


This seems to go along with this whole "fit mother" thing that happened earlier this year where fat moms didn't like that fit mom asking "what's your excuse." If someone works hard on their body they should be commended not condemned .

The greatest mystery to many men is women. I personally don't understand a **** ton of the things they do to be honest. But if I could be granted just one thing about a woman to understand it would be to know why women are so caddy and hate on each other so much..... It's just ridiculous.


----------



## happy as a clam

DoF said:


> And I will tell you that Facebook is a giant megaphone for retards.
> 
> 
> LOVE IT!!!


----------



## bravenewworld

OMG Jelly was cracking up at the pics you posted. Seriously people, wtf. 

I will admit I'm guilty of posting a selfie from time to time but it's usually because I dyed my hair a new color or something along those lines. It's a reason-based selfie, or, maybe I'm just trying to justify it. 

Another reason I am asking this question is because I have recently lost a lot of weight and am now posting more revealing pictures. And by revealing, I mean me wearing a normal tank top. (I used to only wear like bulky christmas sweaters in my FB pics.)

Now that I'm "out there" a bit more I just want to make sure I'm not committing some FB faux pas. Because if I lost more weight - I would totally post a bikini pic if I was at the beach or poolside! Not me in a bikini in front of the bathroom mirror. 

Just want to be appropriate and not annoy or bother people unnecessarily. I was really surprised how people reacted to the bikini thing. It was a pretty skimpy bikini but the pose was more proud than porno. 

I love FB because I have friends across the globe, but I agree some types of posts are annoying! I have a few stay at home mom's and dad's who literally post potty training details (um, no thanks) as well as the people who post food pictures bragging about their cooking skills, meanwhile, it looks like a plate of straight up vomit. This instagram account pretty much nails it:

Warning: Not for the Weak of Stomach 
Cooking For Bae


----------



## PBear

MILF's in bikini's rock!!!

Wait, what was the question again?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Warning: Not for the Weak of Stomach
> Cooking For Bae


So funny! Thanks for the link (and laugh).


----------



## Miss Taken

bravenewworld said:


> I love FB because I have friends across the globe, but I agree some types of posts are annoying! I have a few stay at home mom's and dad's who literally post potty training details (um, no thanks) as well as the people who post food pictures bragging about their cooking skills, meanwhile, it looks like a plate of straight up vomit. This instagram account pretty much nails it:
> 
> Warning: Not for the Weak of Stomach
> Cooking For Bae


OMG :rofl: 

That website is amazeballs. I am dying.


----------



## treyvion

bravenewworld said:


> Recently, one of my friends posted a picture on FB of her in a bikini on the beach with the caption "AM Surfing!" Within the past year she had a baby and I thought she looked great, so I liked the post and commented how I wished I was out surfing too.
> 
> We have a lot of mutual friends and somehow at a brunch the topic came up of her posting a bikini pic on fb. I was surprised how many of the females thought it was an offensive post.
> 
> Reasons varied - some people thought no one should post bikini pics on the internet, others thought it was inappropriate for a mother to post such a picture. One person seemed slightly upset because her own husband commented how good friend's body looked post-baby.
> 
> Which leads to my question - do you judge or get offended by other women's fb pictures? Bikini pictures don't bother me at all, however, some things I do judge people on - excessive selfies (especially when making a duck face) or selfies in an inappropriate location like a bathroom where the toilet is visible. :rofl:


Why is it necessary to advertise pics on FB in the first place?


----------



## bravenewworld

treyvion said:


> Why is it necessary to advertise pics on FB in the first place?


Huh?


----------



## treyvion

bravenewworld said:


> Huh?


If you didn't put pics up you wouldn't have to worry about others reactions. Enjoy your life and minimize your time on fb. It's not necessary and you will be able to enjoy the moment more.


----------



## Thundarr

bravenewworld said:


> Which leads to my question - do you judge or get offended by other women's fb pictures? Bikini pictures don't bother me at all, however, some things I do judge people on - excessive selfies (especially when making a duck face) or selfies in an inappropriate location like a bathroom where the toilet is visible. :rofl:


I'm not one of the ladies but I do facebook and yea I've noticed a lot of facebook fraud. You know where someone has boat loads of photos that all look spontaneous yet somehow every single one looks better than real life. Much better than real life in some cases.

I'm not sure if noticing is the same as judging though. I just notice it and smile to myself. I guess a lot of men do it too. Facebook photos are like dating site photos. I wouldn't trust the pics if I were single .


----------



## bravenewworld

treyvion said:


> If you didn't put pics up you wouldn't have to worry about others reactions. Enjoy your life and minimize your time on fb. It's not necessary and you will be able to enjoy the moment more.


It's not necessary - neither is posting on TAM, however, I enjoy and get a lot out of both. I am enjoying my life quite nicely thank you. 

Finally - doesn't it seem weird to be complaining about people using the internet on an INTERNET forum?? :scratchhead:

Pot, meet kettle.


----------



## ReformedHubby

ScarletBegonias said:


> FB is a cesspool of negativity all too often. I had a chick make a passive aggressive dig at me bc I posted so many dog pictures.Pics of my dogs,dogs I was fostering,dogs that needed homes/fosters. She felt people who post more pics of their dogs than of their children were mentally deranged. Eh,whatever. I'm not a fan of posting a thousand pics of my kid on the internet and she is..no need to get nasty about it.


Keep loving those Pit Bullies SB. They are awesome dogs.


----------



## Thundarr

ScarletBegonias said:


> I don't care what people are posting on FB or anywhere else as far as pics go. My profile pic is my incredulous facial expression selfie. It doesn't matter what people think of it bc I think I look kinda hot when I'm making that face.
> 
> 
> 
> I rarely get to see what others post bc I've stopped following all but the funny pages.
> 
> FB is a cesspool of negativity all too often. I had a chick make a passive aggressive dig at me bc I posted so many dog pictures.Pics of my dogs,dogs I was fostering,dogs that needed homes/fosters. She felt people who post more pics of their dogs than of their children were mentally deranged. Eh,whatever. I'm not a fan of posting a thousand pics of my kid on the internet and she is..no need to get nasty about it.


A lot to like in this post.
- don't care what others post: check.
- stopped following daily drama: check.
- Thinks FB is a cesspool of negativity: check. (I'd say dramatic negativity though).
- Likes dogs: check.
- Foster dogs: check.
- Response to judgement is ... whatever: check.
- Not a fan of posting many kid photos: check (caveat: I love my many grand kid photos from DIL).


----------



## Nynaeve

Am I really the only person who _wants_ to see pictures of friends' kids on FB?

I love getting to see the pics of my friends' kids. I 'like' every single one of them. Stuff like that is why I'm on Facebook.

I post pics of my son about once a week. And I get tons of 'likes.' If anyone doesn't like that... well, honestly, I don't think I really care if I'm friends with anyone who doesn't want to see pictures of my beautiful boy. 

I also haven't experienced that much negativity on Facebook. If I had 'friends' who were always being negative, I'd tell FB not to show me their posts. Easy.


----------



## Thundarr

Nynaeve said:


> Am I really the only person who _wants_ to see pictures of friends' kids on FB?


I like to see people proud of their kids but I get tired of the *share if you love your (FILL IN THE BLANK)*. Fill in the blank is son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter, all kids, all grandkids, etc.

I'm left thinking, of course you love your (FILL IN THE BLANK). Obviously we know that. And obviously the FILL IN THE BLANK two year old can't read so what's the point .


----------



## Nynaeve

Thundarr said:


> I like to see people proud of their kids but I get tired of the *share if you love your (FILL IN THE BLANK)*. Fill in the blank is son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter, all kids, all grandkids, etc.
> 
> I'm left thinking, of course you love your (FILL IN THE BLANK). Obviously we know that. And obviously the FILL IN THE BLANK two year old can't read so what's the point .



I agree. I hate all of those "share if you believe/love...." posts. I have a few family members who post religious themed ones all the time. "If you love Jesus and aren't ashamed of it, you'll hit share." Blech.


----------



## over20

No


----------



## vellocet

bravenewworld said:


> Recently, one of my friends posted a picture on FB of her in a bikini on the beach with the caption "AM Surfing!" Within the past year she had a baby and I thought she looked great, so I liked the post and commented how I wished I was out surfing too.
> 
> We have a lot of mutual friends and somehow at a brunch the topic came up of her posting a bikini pic on fb. I was surprised how many of the females thought it was an offensive post.


Here is my take. If it was a picture on a beach taken by someone else, I don't see a problem with it.

What I find terribly conceited is the stupid selfies of themselves half clothed. I just have to roll my eyes and think to myself, "well there is someone who thinks way too much of themselves and not worth my time."

I'm pretty cut, for my age anyway , but the last thing I'd do is selfie myself and post it. Even in my younger days when I did have a full on beach body. Its just stupid and conceited. Selfies like that say too much about a person's character. 

To me its done by people who are attention wh0res and are never satisfied unless all the attention is on them. Not trustworthy IMO.


----------



## Rowan

On a related note, I find myself in the awkward position of having no respectable looking recent pictures of myself. I'm someone's Mom, so I've been the one taking all the pictures for the last 14+ years. The last really good pictures of me that do not also feature my ex-husband are from 17 years ago. The only recent pictures on my phone are of me and our son at a school event earlier this year. Slightly out of focus (thank you, ex-husband ), gymnasium lighting, 14-year old hugging me as if in genuine terror of his buddies noticing he has a mother. Not flattering, not good pictures. 

Thus, in thinking about venturing out into the world of online dating, I am stuck with either taking a selfie or asking a friend (or my son, heaven forbid) to take a decent picture of me. I'm not sure which option is more pathetic, but I think it's probably a close race. Does everyone in the world but me really have endless, recent, flattering pictures of themselves? Where do all those good, non-selfie, pictures on dating profiles and facebook pages come from? Maybe my friends and I just don't take pictures as often as other people?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I don't judge pictures as much as I judge the motive for posting. You can tell when someone is fishing for compliments or trying to elicit a reaction of some sort. Since I only befriend people I actually know, I do feel I know their personalities well enough that I can guess when they are posting just because they are generally sharing their life vs. the ones who are trying to brag or show off. 

I never thought twice about a HS friend's bikini pic besides thinking "wow she looks great! wish I looked like that!" But I'm not delusional - I know why I am chubby and she isn't! She either eats less or works out more! My body is up to me, not anyone else (barring medical reasons). Yet the one who is always taking duck face selfies in revealing tops or bikini top (never the whole body because she's chunky) and commenting on how wonderful her life is, has me wondering "dost thou protest too much?" but that only makes me pity her if she can't lead a contented life that doesn't require all of that showmanship. And then the partiers that are always taking group pics in bars, referencing beer o'clock, pictures of their drinks or the beer pong game in the garage, etc. make me wonder if they are ever going to outgrow that phase (because these people are mid-40's like me).

I have a friend who is always posting the infamous legs on lounger by apartment pool. I know she's implying she lives in her own personal little paradise, but I also know she drinks all day by the pool to avoid her home life, comes home belligerent, often has other people over to avoid there being any REAL conversation between her and family... and that makes me sad when I see them and I only think about how she'll stumble into the apartment with her family on eggshells gauging if she'll be a mean, sleepy or happy drunk tonight.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Rowan said:


> On a related note, I find myself in the awkward position of having no respectable looking recent pictures of myself. I'm someone's Mom, so I've been the one taking all the pictures for the last 14+ years. The last really good pictures of me that do not also feature my ex-husband are from 17 years ago. The only recent pictures on my phone are of me and our son at a school event earlier this year. Slightly out of focus (thank you, ex-husband ), gymnasium lighting, 14-year old hugging me as if in genuine terror of his buddies noticing he has a mother. Not flattering, not good pictures.
> 
> Thus, in thinking about venturing out into the world of online dating, I am stuck with either taking a selfie or asking a friend (or my son, heaven forbid) to take a decent picture of me. I'm not sure which option is more pathetic, but I think it's probably a close race. Does everyone in the world but me really have endless, recent, flattering pictures of themselves? Where do all those good, non-selfie, pictures on dating profiles and facebook pages come from? Maybe my friends and I just don't take pictures as often as other people?


No, I hear you. Same thing. My friend offered to start taking some. I haven't taken her up on it, but I know lots of people in our position doing just that. If you go out for dinner with a friend, get them to take a pic of you sitting in front, standing outside, sitting at the table, whatever is natural. Just tell a few trusted friends your issue and over the next several weeks get them to send them to you and you can pick the ones you like - the more you have, the better your selection and you're bound to find a couple you are happy with.

You could also go to an inexpensive place like WalMart to get a portrait done of you alone or you and son - I did this with my kiddo and they took a few poses of me alone. It was nice to have and fairly cheap.

PS - avatar is a selfie


----------



## vellocet

EnjoliWoman said:


> I don't judge pictures as much as I judge the motive for posting. You can tell when someone is fishing for compliments or trying to elicit a reaction of some sort.


Exactly, hence the half clothed selfies. I just have to roll my eyes at those.


----------



## NextTimeAround

I wouldn't call it judging. But whatever you do on FB does open a window on your soul. The odd photograph at an event that you want to tell you friends about ok.......

but regular photo additions and for no apparent reason, my guess is that they need attention.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

I know right? Look at this little attention wh*re I came across...her and her damn selfies.It's getting out of control.


----------



## vellocet




----------



## Jellybeans

NextTimeAround said:


> But whatever you do on FB does open a window on your soul.


That sounds so intense, NextTime.


----------



## vellocet

EnjoliWoman said:


> PS - avatar is a selfie


I hope you don't think I was dissing selfies in general. I'm talking about the ones where you just look at them and think, "really? I'm supposed to be impressed?"

Like this:


----------



## vellocet

bravenewworld said:


> Which leads to my question - do you judge or get offended by other women's fb pictures? Bikini pictures don't bother me at all, however, some things I do judge people on - excessive selfies (especially when making a duck face) or selfies in an inappropriate location like a bathroom where the toilet is visible. :rofl:


Bikini selfies or half nude selfies, men or women, tells me that person is too into themselves to be taken seriously.

Duckface pics? Never understood the obsession with them. I think they look stupid. Is it suppose to look sexy or something?


----------



## richardsharpe

Good morning all
I mostly find FB pictures funny. People who post pictures of their lunch. Or one guy who posted pictures of the gold plated bathroom fixtures at a hotel where he was staying (really). 

I view it as a small window into other peoples' minds. It doesn't make them worse, it just lets you know what they are. 

My picture of course are always in perfect taste, without a hint of any sort of showing off. I just happened to be hanging with my pal the Pope.....


----------



## Jellybeans

vellocet said:


> I hope you don't think I was dissing selfies in general. I'm talking about the ones where you just look at them and think, "really? I'm supposed to be impressed?"
> 
> Like this:


See, I would be ashamed to post something like that on social media. Because some things really should be private. She does have some great hair though. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

richardsharpe said:


> I view it as a small window into other peoples' minds. It doesn't make them worse*, it just lets you know what they are.*


:iagree:


----------



## MaritimeGuy

Jellybeans said:


> See, I would be ashamed to post something like that on social media. Because some things really should be private. She does have some great hair though. Lol.


House looks to be a bit messy though..maybe should have tidied up before snapping the photo.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

This is an interesting question...if /when I see pics like this -that vellocet put on here 

>>







..I most definitely think to myself.. I don't want my SONS to get involved with a girl like that....in this way, I am critical.. I do think the way we handle our FB pictures "SPEAKS" about who we are...what we say...the manner of our friends... one of my old friends was in a picture with a penis hat on her head.. thought nothing of posting this.. TACKY!

However, I won't judge someone just because they have a lot of pics ...after all I'd have 3 fingers pointing back at myself...and I hope those who know me would find more depth than that...I try not to pose what I deem "seductive" ...(and there is a line I believe)...

But for ourselves...we do take those types of pics on occasion...(we're only gettin' older & we didn't do it in our younger yrs).... like yesterday...our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up, beautiful day, he was off...a good time to grab some special shots for our celebration, where is the tripod!.... I had a tight black checkered dress on.....got some with his holding me.. heels in the air - laughing.... 

Should I put one of those on FB...for our 25th anniversary.. I really don't know!!.... Even though I was fully dressed /it was a FUN PIC..... I am sure some would feel -that is "showing off".. something like this







....I'm in the air about it.. 



Rowan said:


> On a related note, I find myself in the awkward position of having no respectable looking recent pictures of myself. I'm someone's Mom, so I've been the one taking all the pictures for the last 14+ years. The last really good pictures of me that do not also feature my ex-husband are from 17 years ago. The only recent pictures on my phone are of me and our son at a school event earlier this year. Slightly out of focus (thank you, ex-husband ), gymnasium lighting, 14-year old hugging me as if in genuine terror of his buddies noticing he has a mother. Not flattering, not good pictures.
> 
> Thus, in thinking about venturing out into the world of online dating, I am stuck with either taking a selfie or asking a friend (or my son, heaven forbid) to take a decent picture of me. I'm not sure which option is more pathetic, but I think it's probably a close race. * Does everyone in the world but me really have endless, recent, flattering pictures of themselves? Where do all those good, non-selfie, pictures on dating profiles and facebook pages come from? Maybe my friends and I just don't take pictures as often as other people?*


Too bad you don't know me in real life..I'd be more than happy to help you get that perfect pic for a profile. I've done this for friends...did senior pics & a couple weddings...I so enjoy it !

I've always loved photography ..mainly "people shots"...even when on vacation I want to throw a face in every pic...just something about freezing a moment in time...I enjoy looking back... 

Got my 1st SLR when we had our 1st son...I didn't want to miss a moment of his childhood....Our kids my "snapping " guinea pigs....









Most pics on my FB are family pics...Kids/ friends...but I've taken my share of myself & Husband in the last 5 yrs.. feeling as though we missed taking more of just "US" back then, I was so focused on our children... 

I've had friends tell me without my pics, they wouldn't have any..so yeah.. some people just don't take them...

We have 23 photo albums full ....(I used to throw away the ones I didn't like)...(gotta love digital today, just DELETE!)...If I ever go senile someday, my husband will have lots to show me of our life together...kinda reminds me of "the Notebook"...but he was reading about their lives..


----------



## vellocet

Jellybeans said:


> See, I would be ashamed to post something like that on social media. Because some things really should be private. She does have some great hair though. Lol.


Exactly. I wouldn't give someone like that the time of day. Want to show off for someone like that in private, great. Want to show off to everyone and their mother tells me she thinks way to highly of herself and isn't to be trusted.


----------



## MaritimeGuy

vellocet said:


> Exactly. I wouldn't give someone like that the time of day. Want to show off for someone like that in private, great. Want to show off to everyone and their mother tells me she thinks way to highly of herself and isn't to be trusted.


I'm not so sure that it's she thinks highly of herself as much as the opposite. She's insecure and feels the only value she has to offer is her appearance. 

...sad either way in my opinion.


----------



## vellocet

MaritimeGuy said:


> I'm not so sure that it's she thinks highly of herself as much as the opposite. She's insecure and feels the only value she has to offer is her appearance.
> 
> ...sad either way in my opinion.


This could be true as well. Either way, I wouldn't trust someone like that and its a turnoff to say the least.


----------



## Wolf1974

I love TAM threads with pictures.


----------



## Almostrecovered

is my fault I get tagged opening presents on Xmas morning?


----------



## MaritimeGuy

vellocet said:


> This could be true as well. Either way, I wouldn't trust someone like that and its a turnoff to say the least.


Not to mention I'm pretty sure she's underage.


----------



## MaritimeGuy

Almostrecovered said:


> is my fault I get tagged opening presents on Xmas morning?


You got an antique computer for Christmas?


----------



## Unique Username

vellocet said:


> I hope you don't think I was dissing selfies in general. I'm talking about the ones where you just look at them and think, "really? I'm supposed to be impressed?"
> 
> Like this:


Are you sure this person is over 18?

First thing I thought was omg she's a teenager and her parents should be checking her FB photos and explaining why she shouldn't be posting photos of herself in her underwear


and I loathe facebook


----------



## Almostrecovered

MaritimeGuy said:


> You got an antique computer for Christmas?



it was TBT


----------



## Q tip

What's Facebook?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Facebook is lame but what is even lamer is mocking a woman who posts a photo of her in a bikini surfing. Gasp, a mother who can rock a bikini?. Stone her. 
Those women sound like little more than jealous jerks. That lady should ask the nattering hens to post a picture of themselves in a bathing suit. The real issue would come out immediately.


----------



## over20

Almostrecovered said:


> is my fault I get tagged opening presents on Xmas morning?


Where do you find some of your pics??? :rofl: Do I dare ask what words you type into google??:rofl::rofl:


----------



## southbound

treyvion said:


> If you didn't put pics up you wouldn't have to worry about others reactions. Enjoy your life and minimize your time on fb. It's not necessary and you will be able to enjoy the moment more.


I guess I'm just getting old, but I have yet to understand why people feel the desire to post all their pictures and every move they make in FB, Twitter, and all that junk.

It never even crosses my mind to post that I'm "having lunch at favorite restaurant." Did everyone have this inward desire to share 20 years ago, but just didn't have an outlet. Thank goodness for FB.


----------



## heartsbeating

bravenewworld said:


> Recently, one of my friends posted a picture on FB of her in a bikini on the beach with the caption "AM Surfing!" Within the past year she had a baby and I thought she looked great, so I liked the post and commented how I wished I was out surfing too.
> 
> We have a lot of mutual friends and somehow at a brunch the topic came up of her posting a bikini pic on fb. I was surprised how many of the females thought it was an offensive post.


I'm surprised it was even a topic of conversation. I've seen friends post beach and pool-side photos. Never thought anything of it other than being able to see their vacation photos. I've posted a bikini photo amongst travel photos too - it was a goofy jump into the pool.

What I have judged was the necessity to 'check-in' at places. I remember going to the cinema with a couple of girlfriends. Just as we'd settled into our seats, out came the blue glow and friend turned to me and asked why she couldn't tag me. I told her I didn't allow that feature. I think that was as puzzling to her as it was to me wondering why she felt the need to do that in the first place. Who's she telling that we're at the cinema? I'm there, next to you. The blue glow check-in at music gigs too - another pet peeve of mine. Just be in the f*ckn moment. Yes, I make judgements too.

I got rid of Facebook. Now I view photos the old-school way of getting together with friends and having them show me. It's also great catching up on news in person. And sending and receiving invitations. Whodda thunk it? Each to their own. I know there's likely some irony with posting on TAM. I'm not purrrfect


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

southbound said:


> I guess I'm just getting old, but I have yet to understand why people feel the desire to post all their pictures and every move they make in FB, Twitter, and all that junk.
> 
> It never even crosses my mind to post that I'm "having lunch at favorite restaurant." Did everyone have this inward desire to share 20 years ago, but just didn't have an outlet. Thank goodness for FB.


I'm with you but when (in this case) a woman who recently had a baby manages to wear a bikini, go surfing and take a picture of it.....the response from her so called friends was mockery about daring to wear a bikini as a mother? Yeah, that's jealousy and nothing more. Lot's of women out there really hate attractive women. It usually only comes down to one reason.


----------



## heartsbeating

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I'm with you but when (in this case) a woman who recently had a baby manages to wear a bikini, go surfing and take a picture of it.....the response from her so called friends was mockery about daring to wear a bikini as a mother? Yeah, that's jealousy and nothing more. Lot's of women out there really hate attractive women. It usually only comes down to one reason.


That the attractive women are showing off?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

heartsbeating said:


> That the attractive women are showing off?


If only.


----------



## MaritimeGuy

southbound said:


> It never even crosses my mind to post that I'm "having lunch at favorite restaurant." Did everyone have this inward desire to share 20 years ago, but just didn't have an outlet. Thank goodness for FB.


I believe it comes down to people wanting their 15 minutes of fame so to speak. They want to feel valued. They want to feel others are interested in what they're up to. 

I recall a co-worker saying he had neighbours over for dinner one time. He thought it was funny that by the time him and his wife had finished cleaning up they checked facebook and these neighbours had already posted about what a wonderful dinner they had. I thought to myself the irony is not only did the neighbours feel the need to share with the world what a wonderful dinner they had but that my co-worker and his wife felt the need to check. Kind of validates the neighbours desire to share what they did because at least one person was interested in reading it. :scratchhead:

I guess at some level some people are on FB because they exhibitionists and others because they are voyeurs.


----------



## Jellybeans

FB is about posting your "greatest hits" as they say.
But my goodness, I am always surprised as the KIND of things people post. Some of it is waaay TMI, personal and just invasive.


----------



## LongWalk

People post all sorts of stuff on FB. There are so many bikini shots of friends of friends that you cannot ogle them all.

FB is far less consuming for many. My D19 went to Berlin with her classmates. They didn't post much on FB. It is no longer cool.

In a lot of ways FB is just a low cost PR agency that creates alternative entertainment.


----------



## Jellybeans

LongWalk said:


> FB is far less consuming for many. My D19 went to Berlin with her classmates. They didn't post much on FB. It is no longer cool.


Yep. M y nephews and nieces (teens) have been telling me for awhile that Facebook is not cool and for the older peeps. Lol.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I'm with you but when (in this case) a woman who recently had a baby manages to wear a bikini, go surfing and take a picture of it.....the response from her so called friends was mockery about daring to wear a bikini as a mother? Yeah, that's jealousy and nothing more. Lot's of women out there really hate attractive women. It usually only comes down to one reason.


I agree with you..we have these new neighbors...they look like movie stars...she is a blonde bombshell, looks like she could be a dallas cheerleader & he the caption of the football team...(I told her that too- that they are too beautiful).......just had their 3rd son, 27 yrs old ...she is a fitness instructor...she has over 1,000 photos on her FB...she posts A LOT... when I hooked up with her on there...I called my H over saying he has to see these new neighbors.... his 1st response was "they're too good for us".. (between their looks, their house, & the 4x4 cadillac he drives)......

Their 1st son plays with our youngest...we met them & they were the nicest people... they treated us like they'd known us forever ...warmest hospitality..even her parents did, I loved their friendliness...... she has posted pics of her belly....there are beach pics / the bikini..exercising pics with her stomach...in tights... I am sure many would think "its too much"...

I will admit I think to myself "Damn I wish I looked like that"... .but the vast majority are family pics.... I enjoy seeing people's pics..it's a view into their world.. I am not one to complain about this sort of thing... Looking at her pics... I think I am more jealous of her age (which is silly)....as we're 20 yrs older...



> *Southbound said: *I guess I'm just getting old, but I have yet to understand why people feel the desire to post all their pictures and every move they make in FB, Twitter, and all that junk.
> 
> It never even crosses my mind to post that I'm "having lunch at favorite restaurant." Did everyone have this inward desire to share 20 years ago, but just didn't have an outlet. Thank goodness for FB.


 I think those who post where they are ..is DANGEROUS... then others know they are not home.. I am too safety conscious to ever do that.. even Birthdays I am against....but after the fact, if I had some good pics..a little story... I do share...

When I read responses like yours Southbound, It makes me feel like people are very judgmental....Some people are friendly ..they like to share...it's why I like forums so much.. honesty I rarely post on FB.. maybe once or twice a month (other than comments on posts) & tagging pics I have taken of others....I guess I am not one bothered with those who share.. 

I like it.. 

I have , however, seen some friends, teens are notorious for this...post things that I felt would really make them look bad..(2nd son's GF did this once)...speaking out of anger, ranting....it's too much...and I have pmed them trying to appeal it would be better to not share this...and why...how it could come back to bite.....

The thing that bothers me the most is all the game invitations I get, I have no interest in those at all.. I would love to block every asking but have no idea how to do that. 

But I am one who does like to see the pics, the videos, someone challenged our school Band to do the ice challenge.. they all took buckets to their Heads...our oldest challenged us.. (gonna kick him for that!)..we have yet to do it.. whoever came up with THAT IDEA.... God bless them though...for ALS!


----------



## Healer

I'm a guy, so sorry to but in. I'd just like to say I highly encourage bikini shots on FB. That is all.


----------



## TiggyBlue




----------



## staarz21

TiggyBlue said:


>


How did you get that pic of me?! I'm so hawt! :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## heartsbeating

Jellybeans said:


> Some of it is waaay TMI, personal and just invasive.


That's what I thought TAM was for. My bad!


----------



## vellocet

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Facebook is lame but what is even lamer is mocking a woman who posts a photo of her in a bikini surfing. Gasp, a mother who can rock a bikini?. Stone her.
> Those women sound like little more than jealous jerks. That lady should ask the nattering hens to post a picture of themselves in a bathing suit. The real issue would come out immediately.


Posting a photo in a bikini just enjoying the surf is one thing.

Posting a selfie with the intent of saying, "Look at me, I'm hot, you should think so too", is a different story.


----------



## bravenewworld

vellocet said:


> Posting a photo in a bikini just enjoying the surf is one thing.
> 
> Posting a selfie with the intent of saying, "Look at me, I'm hot, you should think so too", is a different story.


I have mixed feelings about this - on one hand I agree because someone posting 24/7 selfies can be really obnoxious. 

On the other hand, I'm working out really hard and once I get to where I want to be I could TOTALLY see myself posting a picture in a bathing suit at the beach or in my gym gear. Not like, a million pictures with the caption "I'm so hawt" but something like "me doing xyz." 

That's probably why I started this thread - I feel like my friend posted that to get a little bit of validation after losing the baby weight, but I don't feel like that's a bad thing? 

I know others see it differently and no one wants to be "that" person oversharing and vague bragging on Facebook.


----------



## vellocet

bravenewworld said:


> I have mixed feelings about this - on one hand I agree because someone posting 24/7 selfies can be really obnoxious.
> 
> On the other hand, I'm working out really hard and once I get to where I want to be I could TOTALLY see myself posting a picture in a bathing suit at the beach or in my gym gear. Not like, a million pictures with the caption "I'm so hawt" but something like "me doing xyz."


What you are proposing can be done with class. Too many that are into themselves, however, do it in a classless way that more times than not will draw a lot of eye rolls.


----------



## bravenewworld

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I'm with you but when (in this case) a woman who recently had a baby manages to wear a bikini, go surfing and take a picture of it.....the response from her so called friends was mockery about daring to wear a bikini as a mother? Yeah, that's jealousy and nothing more. Lot's of women out there really hate attractive women. It usually only comes down to one reason.


I can't disagree. I thought she looked really good and found it inspiring! Seeing people I know do great stuff makes me feel like maybe I can do it too. 

Her husband hired a sitter to come super early and stay the entire day so she could have surf/beach time. I guess he does that at least once every two weeks to give her a break since she is a SAHM. Good man!


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening SimplyAmorous
Please never get the idea that someone is "too good for you". Life isn't a contest. There are billions of people who are better than me in lots of ways, and billions who are worse. I never hesitate to be in contact with people who others might think are "above" or "below" me. (I don't consider anyone to be above or below me).






SimplyAmorous said:


> I agree with you..we have these new neighbors...they look like movie stars...she is a blonde bombshell, looks like she could be a dallas cheerleader & he the caption of the football team...(I told her that too- that they are too beautiful).......just had their 3rd son, 27 yrs old ...she is a fitness instructor...she has over 1,000 photos on her FB...she posts A LOT... when I hooked up with her on there...I called my H over saying he has to see these new neighbors.... his 1st response was "they're too good for us".. (between their looks, their house, & the 4x4 cadillac he drives)......
> 
> Their 1st son plays with our youngest...we met them & they were the nicest people... they treated us like they'd known us forever ...warmest hospitality..even her parents did, I loved their friendliness...... she has posted pics of her belly....there are beach pics / the bikini..exercising pics with her stomach...in tights... I am sure many would think "its too much"...
> 
> I will admit I think to myself "Damn I wish I looked like that"... .but the vast majority are family pics.... I enjoy seeing people's pics..it's a view into their world.. I am not one to complain about this sort of thing... Looking at her pics... I think I am more jealous of her age (which is silly)....as we're 20 yrs older...
> 
> I think those who post where they are ..is DANGEROUS... then others know they are not home.. I am too safety conscious to ever do that.. even Birthdays I am against....but after the fact, if I had some good pics..a little story... I do share...
> 
> (SNIP)


----------



## lovelygirl

vellocet said:


> Posting a photo in a bikini just enjoying the surf is one thing.
> 
> Posting a selfie with the intent of saying, "Look at me, I'm hot, you should think so too", is a different story.


To be honest, for every single picture that's posted out there (bikini, goofy faces, normal...etc) is posted because the poster thinks the picture is worth looking at. He/she likes it and wants everyone else to see it and like it.
This, in itself, is looking for validation and attention.
If you post a picture of your kids playing, don't you want to receive as many 'likes' as possible??
So, every poster's motive is to have some sort of attention and be appreciated, regardless of the picture's content.

Although I understand that too many selfies show a different level of a self-centered person, but even in this case IT DEPENDS on the selfie.
For example, I like group selfies but it doesn't mean everybody in the picture is self-centered.

Not all the selfies are about "Look I'm hot". Some just want to share the fact that they're having a good time with friends.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening SimplyAmorous
> Please never get the idea that someone is "too good for you". Life isn't a contest. There are billions of people who are better than me in lots of ways, and billions who are worse. I never hesitate to be in contact with people who others might think are "above" or "below" me. (I don't consider anyone to be above or below me).


It's not that I do ....really.... but others sometimes DO look down on those who don't have a similar lifestyle (could be anything really- but $$ does separate people, we run in differnet circles, enjoy different things, we've never had friends who joined Country clubs (only worked at them) for instance, or played Golf......we're just mindful of this...kinda in the back of your mind type thing. 

We are a large family, we drive OLD cars by choice ...I shared pics on FB of my H painting our 23 yr old Buick ... where others wouldn't be caught dead with the old Grandpa car like we had .. there I was feeling pretty proud we made the Bomb look pretty good.. even if it was TOO BLUE...whereas someone else might post their new Truck for $40,000 +, we're happy with our $16 paint job, picking up some quarts at Walmart!! 

We also don't mind shopping at Flea markets & buying clothes at Consignment shops...some people might find THAT tacky...

Just as some may feel if a person shares too much on FB...they are this or that...(I'm not even meaning pics at this point, but just being friendly /open)... I just think some people are more privacy prone by nature but this too, doesn't make them better or that others who are friendly and like to share > like their is something wrong with them... 

I guess my point is.. there IS so much MORE to a person than what we may see... my closest neighbor is one of those who shares so much of what she is feeling on there.. a bad day... a RANT, she takes pics of her kids rooms / how she decorated... if she got a new pair of boots...might throw that on there too.... how much she loves her friends, thankfulness... she's very OPEN... I LOVE HER!!.. She also dyes her hair red & has tattoos.. I never had a friend like this.. but she's cool!


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> When I read responses like yours Southbound, It makes me feel like people are very judgmental....Some people are friendly ..they like to share...it's why I like forums so much.. honesty I rarely post on FB.. maybe once or twice a month (other than comments on posts) & tagging pics I have taken of others....I guess I am not one bothered with those who share..
> 
> I like it..
> 
> I have , however, seen some friends, teens are notorious for this...post things that I felt would really make them look bad..(2nd son's GF did this once)...speaking out of anger, ranting....it's too much...and I have pmed them trying to appeal it would be better to not share this...and why...how it could come back to bite.....
> 
> The thing that bothers me the most is all the game invitations I get, I have no interest in those at all.. I would love to block every asking but have no idea how to do that.
> 
> But I am one who does like to see the pics, the videos, someone challenged our school Band to do the ice challenge.. they all took buckets to their Heads...our oldest challenged us.. (gonna kick him for that!)..we have yet to do it.. whoever came up with THAT IDEA.... God bless them though...for ALS!


You're probably right SA, I probably do judge, but then again, I think we all judge in some way or another, I just admit it; however, I don't think my judgement amounts to a hill of beans toward anyone else, it's just my thoughts. I guess that's why I don't consider myself very sensitive to judgement. I think you and I have discussed our ideas about judging before.

I may look at something and think, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen." Others may look and think it's great; it's just our ideas. In addition, things are just what they are. I may wonder why a person posts a certain picture on FB; I may think it's silly, but that doesn't mean I think they are a serial killer. I guess I just think it's different than I would do and maybe a little silly, but if that person was the mechanic when my car broke down, it's not like I would go somewhere else just because of his FB post. 

I'm old enough to remember the days without internet, smart phones, and FB. Some people love change and some not so much. I don't mind change. I like technology for it's practical purposes, but it hasn't changed my actions. I have no desire to post my life on FB, but that's just me, and it just interests me as to why others do, not so much the younger generation, but people my age. 

If someone is different than me, I enjoy the back-and-forth in trying to get our points across, but I don't lose sleep if I think someone is judging me. I don't give people that much power over me to affect my emotions that way. I don't let my ideas about a silly FB post allow be to really put a person down. 

I think judging can be taken to an extreme, such as how some feel they are generally better because of money. I just chalk that up to ignorance and nothing I can do about it.


----------



## Thundarr

I don't have a problem with facebook picture but getting spammed with pictures, game requests, drama, profound sayings, etc, is beyond annoying.

It also is annoying when their facebook persona is drastically flattering compared to their real life. It seems like friends and family who I see do really dumb things over and over IRL are the worst at quoting all of those profound little sayings. I actually like what they say but am thinking that actions speak louder than social media.


----------



## southbound

Thundarr said:


> It also is annoying when their facebook persona is drastically flattering compared to their real life. It seems like friends and family who I see do really dumb things over and over IRL are the worst at quoting all of those profound little sayings. I actually like what they say but am thinking that actions speak louder than social media.


I agree. I knew one woman who was always posting pictures of her husband and writing things like, "here's my handsome husband," or "the greatest husband in the world," and within time, they got divorced. :scratchhead:

It seems like there is always somebody trying to paint a Norman Rockwell picture. I know one guy who is always posting things like, "life is good," or "Sitting on the porch enjoying the stars, it just doesn't get any better."  It just seems people like that are a little fake, especially if you know them in real life., so, I wonder what their motivation for that stuff is. Even if things were that great, don't they know that most people have a hangnail from time to time and get sick of their mush all the time.


----------



## Thundarr

southbound said:


> I agree. I knew one woman who was always posting pictures of her husband and writing things like, "here's my handsome husband," or "the greatest husband in the world," and within time, they got divorced. :scratchhead:
> 
> It seems like there is always somebody trying to paint a Norman Rockwell picture. I know one guy who is always posting things like, "life is good," or "Sitting on the porch enjoying the stars, it just doesn't get any better."  *It just seems people like that are a little fake,* especially if you know them in real life., so, I wonder what their motivation for that stuff is. Even if things were that great, don't they know that most people have a hangnail from time to time and get sick of their mush all the time.


I don't think fake is the best description. I just think they're trying to make themselves believe it or trying to force themselves to believe it more specifically. We all do it IRL. We'll try to talk up things we want to do like work out or diet or stop a bad habit. But yes it's annoying to get spammed on facebook with it.

What it does tell me though is that most people know what to do but they just don't do it.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

> *Southbound said*: *You're probably right SA, I probably do judge, but then again, I think we all judge in some way or another, I just admit it; however, I don't think my judgement amounts to a hill of beans toward anyone else, it's just my thoughts. I guess that's why I don't consider myself very sensitive to judgement. I think you and I have discussed our ideas about judging before*.


 Yes, we have ...it's good you can admit it outright... and it's true...I'll bite... we ALL have our personal areas of "eye rolling" judgment ...and







moments viewing or reading what someone writes..

Who I refer to as my "6th son" showed up here today... he tells me how furious he was when his EX put their divorce certificate on FB days ago! I guess that was her celebration..(I missed that posting!)...but what I learned was ...he wasn't helping matters when he inflamed her right before she did it...I gave him a piece of my mind for his handling of that.. 

But yeah... I really don't feel the same as you in this area...and to be honest..... I DO feel judged by your thoughts.. as I fit (not faking anything).. but openly expressing...not so much on a site with my real identity given... but HERE....(Fb would be like 5% of what it is HERE)...... you would never want to read my gushing Anniversary posts ... it's only once a year ! I generally link a sappy ass love song -he gives me one back sometimes... you would be throwing up... (2 weeks is our 25th..God help my friends)...

And you know I cringe to think that others feel as you.. *it does bother me*.. 

But I guess not enough... to NOT share.. I know our true friends don't look at us in this sort of light.. cause most of them do the same thing .. and I love it...darn it ! our closest friends moved 4 hrs away so we so enjoy seeing the pics, our kids grew up together- we miss them!

I was talking to my H about this the other day... how you feel Southbound... he said ...."well ..just scroll on down the page"... I suppose you could even block a posters feed ...I don't know ..

I'm all for live and let be.. personal expression ... not that I personally LIKE everyone's personal expression (I Don't !) ...
One of our sons went to a Birthday party of a girl he never met a couple months back/ different school district... after the party...I seen the pics on her FB page...combine that with some of what he told me..... I never wanted him to go back... girls kissing each other, the way they were dressed...parents playing beer pong when we showed up...it gave me a look into their world.... I was happy to have that opportunity....(and yes, I did say to myself "a little too WILD ... I hope he doesn't want her!")..... 

I also think besides learning of one's credit score... Employers being able to peer into Facebook profiles is a very effective screening tool....before they hire...what sort of things they post about...what their friends are posting to them...



> *Thundarr said*: * But yes it's annoying to get spammed on facebook with it*.


What do you mean "spammed"- how does one get spammed on FB ? Isn't that just emails?


----------



## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> What do you mean "spammed"- how does one get spammed on FB ? Isn't that just emails?


I mean that if go to 'Home' on my facebook page so I can see what others are posting and it is monopolized by someone and I have to sift through tons of their posts to get to anyone elses then I consider that spamming me for being on their friend. So I either delete them or don't put them on the list that I will usually use to filter with.

It just means too many posts will keep me and others like me from paying attention to a friend. Kind of the 'crying wolf' scenario because if a spammer friend of mine posted something serious then me and others wouldn't see it because we ignore that person's posts.


----------



## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> I gave him a piece of my mind for his handling of that..


You remind me on occasion why I think so highly of you SA. He needs to know he's accountable for his actions and reactions no matter what EX does. I don't care if you posts too much on FB , if you make people around you better people then they are lucky and you have my respect.



SimplyAmorous said:


> (2 weeks is our 25th..God help my friends)...


Yes I feel bad for them too .


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Thundarr said:


> I mean that if go to 'Home' on my facebook page so I can see what others are posting and it is monopolized by someone and I have to sift through tons of their posts to get to anyone elses then I consider that spamming me for being on their friend. So I either delete them or don't put them on the list that I will usually use to filter with.
> 
> It just means too many posts will keep me and others like me from paying attention to a friend. Kind of the 'crying wolf' scenario because if a spammer friend of mine posted something serious then me and others wouldn't see it because we ignore that person's posts.


Ok..you mean like someone who is posting like 6 + times a day or something.... I get it..I've felt similar.. too many from the same person.. it gets to the point you don't notice them anymore....sorting through all the Fluff... I'm more a meat type of person, and this is one reason FB bores me to tears...

There is some newer feature (probably as in the last few yrs at the rate I keep up) there I had to undo because I was getting an onslaught from some... I am FB illiterate....have to call on our sons to help me navigate many times.. 

I think my son's GF is the queen of Selfies...(I told her so too!).... I just looked at her FB page & she posted 30 of the 2 of them from our outing yesterday.. I think it's sweet..I saved a bunch.... I'm still young at heart.  



> *Thundarr said*: You remind me on occasion why I think so highly of you SA. He needs to know he's accountable for his actions and reactions no matter what EX does. I don't care if you posts too much on FB , if you make people around you better people then they are lucky and you have my respect.


 There are so many times I think "I could post about this" but I don't... because I purposely don't want to look like ONE OF THOSE POSTERS...or come off that way....

But when it comes to pictures...I can't give it up...that's a passion for me.. ..it's like "giving gifts"... Pictures bring us back...

I get a BIG uplift when someone makes a picture I took their new profile pic.. this happens very often, brings a big  to my face..


----------



## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> There are so many times I think "I could post about this" but I don't... because I purposely don't want to look like ONE OF THOSE POSTERS...or come off that way....
> 
> But when it comes to pictures...I can't give it up...that's a passion for me.. ..it's like "giving gifts"... Pictures bring us back...
> 
> I get a BIG uplift when someone makes a picture I took their new profile pic.. this happens very often, brings a big  to my face..


Uploading a bunch of pictures is great. Facebook is smart enough to list that as a single update with multiple pics or maybe a couple of updates. In short, it's not a spammer.

Honestly though, you should posts whatever you want to and as often as you want to. It will not annoy people who know you IRL. Even those who you don't see often will see a consisency and it won't annoy them either. Seeing the many posts from by aunt who I respect is great but see many posts from her younger daughter, my younger cousin, is difficult to tolerate because her Facebook personality isn't sincere. It's a puffed up version of reality. So you should posts on facebook.


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> But yeah... I really don't feel the same as you in this area...and to be honest..... I DO feel judged by your thoughts.. as I fit (not faking anything).. but openly expressing...not so much on a site with my real identity given... but HERE....(Fb would be like 5% of what it is HERE)...... you would never want to read my gushing Anniversary posts ... it's only once a year ! I generally link a sappy ass love song -he gives me one back sometimes... you would be throwing up... (2 weeks is our 25th..God help my friends)...


I just find differences interesting. I've said before that human behavior fascinates me. I suppose I should have been another Dr. Phil.  I guess I'm of a more private nature and don't understand the desire to share everything. 

Another thing I don't get is when someone will get on and openly thank someone, for example, for something they did, something like: "I have the best big brother in the world; my allergies are killing me, and he came and mowed my lawn for me today." I see no need to share that with everybody on FB. It would mean so much more to me to thank him in person and let it go. :scratchhead:



SimplyAmorous said:


> And you know I cringe to think that others feel as you.. *it does bother me*..
> 
> But I guess not enough... to NOT share.. I know our true friends don't look at us in this sort of light.. cause most of them do the same thing .. and I love it...darn it ! our closest friends moved 4 hrs away so we so enjoy seeing the pics, our kids grew up together- we miss them!


I would understand people's actions on FB more if it were just a link to true family, friends, and friends we don't get to see often, but with most, that's not the case. Most everyone has a million friends, from the milkman to some person that checked them out once at the grocery. I have nobody to blame but myself for accepting some of those requests, but I have no desire to share my guts with all those people, and I don't care about their guts either. If it is someone I'm close to, I'd rather just share in person rather than putting it on FB, but that's just me.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I was talking to my H about this the other day... how you feel Southbound... he said ...."well ..just scroll on down the page"... I suppose you could even block a posters feed ...I don't know


I'm not sure what you mean here.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm all for live and let be.. personal expression ... not that I personally LIKE everyone's personal expression (I Don't !) ...


Same here, and you have no obligation to like everybody's expression, and you have the right to say you don't like it, especially if asked your opinion. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> One of our sons went to a Birthday party of a girl he never met a couple months back/ different school district... after the party...I seen the pics on her FB page...combine that with some of what he told me..... I never wanted him to go back... girls kissing each other, the way they were dressed...parents playing beer pong when we showed up...it gave me a look into their world.... I was happy to have that opportunity....(and yes, I did say to myself "a little too WILD ... I hope he doesn't want her!").....


I see your side here, and I would have been the same way. So, I guess for people who do like to post their guts, it does help us see who they are and whether or not we want our children hanging around. I'm sure those people were beaming with pride in their posts. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> I also think besides learning of one's credit score... Employers being able to peer into Facebook profiles is a very effective screening tool....before they hire...what sort of things they post about...what their friends are posting to them...


That's true as well. Another thing, I hear quite frequently of people who commit some kind of crime, and then get caught because they post details on FB. I suppose that is good for the police, but how nutty can a person be. I think, "they were not only nutty enough to commit the crime, but went into nutty overload and posted it on FB." :scratchhead: What's the deal with these people?


----------



## samyeagar

My thoughts on Facebook, social media, and the internet in general...with the advent of smart phones, tablets, etc, people have a direct, instant connection to the entire world any time, any where. One of the biggest social safety nets has been eroded because of this...the safety net of time. A cooling off period. The ability to run your mouth without the physical restriction of time...even a few seconds.

This has led to a hue population of people who not only want others to care about the minutae of their lives, they EXPECT it. Add in the prevailing mindset of "every one gets a trophy", and "it's all about the kids"...

ETA: And if I don't get 37 likes on this in the next 24 hours, I'll know no one cares about me, and I'll just stop posting here. I'll still PM with the people who DO like it because I'll know who my REAL friends are.


----------



## southbound

samyeagar said:


> My thoughts on Facebook, social media, and the internet in general...with the advent of smart phones, tablets, etc, people have a direct, instant connection to the entire world any time, any where. One of the biggest social safety nets has been eroded because of this...the safety net of time. A cooling off period. The ability to run your mouth without the physical restriction of time...even a few seconds.
> 
> This has led to a hue population of people who not only want others to care about the minutae of their lives, they EXPECT it. Add in the prevailing mindset of "every one gets a trophy", and "it's all about the kids"...
> 
> ETA: And if I don't get 37 likes on this in the next 24 hours, I'll know no one cares about me, and I'll just stop posting here. I'll still PM with the people who DO like it because I'll know who my REAL friends are.


That's true. I have a 16 year old daughter, and I've never had anything really serious happen, but the mood of the current environment can be changed instantly with a text or some kind of social media that she has on her phone. We can be peacefully driving down the road or in a restaurant, and suddenly something pops up. 

I also think some allow it to dull their attention span and planning skills. If someone is in a meeting, they don't have to be fully focused, they know they can just text or e-mail and get the finer points later. If someone is going somewhere, they don't have to plan their route as carefully as in the old days, they can just call someone and ask, "what exit do I get off?" 

I also hear people say they need it to run their business. Well, what did people do before we had all this? Are people making a lot more money today because their businesses can be run so much more effectively? What did they do before all this, actually plan better.


----------



## samyeagar

I think the instant always on, always connected access has made things a lot more difficult for kids especially when it comes to bullying. There is no escape anymore, no going home from school until tomorrow, no cooling off period.

It is also encouraging instant gratification...perfect example of this.

My step daughter, straight A student, national honor society, student council president, president of spanish club, she's a good kid with a good head on her shoulders...was at a party, and posed for a selfie holding a hard lemonade. The selfie ended up on instagram four about 30 minutes. In that time, someone managed to get a screen cap, and sent it to the school principal. She got into some trouble...not as bad as she could have, but there were consequences. Her reaction was to get pissed at whoever reported her...my question to her was why did you feel compelled to tell the world that you were doing something illegal?

Most kids just do not have the self control or life experience to handle the responsibility of social media. Yes, most sites have age restrictions and all that, but the kids lie...we don't let our kids drive cars until they are sixteen, and many argue even that is too young, but we actively give them the tools to tell and show the whole world anything at any time.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Thundarr said:


> Uploading a bunch of pictures is great. Facebook is smart enough to list that as a single update with multiple pics or maybe a couple of updates. In short, it's not a spammer.


 Actually you have a CHOICE to post the pictures you upload (if you click on your status, this is automatic of course- and love the multiple feature).....but you can also go into your Pictures folder(s) ... upload & never post them.. (I've done this many times..I have a folder for every year & sometimes I like to add something but see no reason to share it)... I appreciate this option very much.



> Honestly though, you should posts whatever you want to and as often as you want to. It will not annoy people who know you IRL. Even those who you don't see often will see a consisency and it won't annoy them either. Seeing the many posts from by aunt who I respect is great but see many posts from her younger daughter, my younger cousin, is difficult to tolerate because her Facebook personality isn't sincere. It's a puffed up version of reality. So you should posts on facebook.


 I am very critical on myself and I don't think I annoy anyone...but how would any of us know... it's not like anyone is going to outright tell you ......people are so often fake after all.. (again why I prefer anonymous forums ...because the darker side, the raw side of human nature exposes & expressess itself *here*..where we ask others their *honest opinions*....

I am absolutely sure whomever Southbound looks at with his critical eye has absolutely no inkling what he secretly thinks ..harsh as it may be.....

I just find your thoughts very balanced on this Thundarr ....someone who can open up a FB page... and actually enjoy the comments ...maybe you add a couple of your own... the new pictures..I bet you sit there sipping your morning coffee on weekends.. you , you laugh at some of the things you read, you might call your wife over & say.. "did you see this??....you'll never guess what so & so is up to?".... and you join in.. I mean.. what's not enjoyable about this!! 

I think I'm pretty normal.. and hopefully balanced.. 

Many times I've wanted to pose a question on FB (car/ home improvement, etc)... felt it might sound retarded so instead I'd go find a forum with those who have more expertise & just be anonymous...it just doesn't seem many people ask questions on FB.... so it would be out of place anyway.

I did rant one time about a Business -who tried to screw us on our Transmission / we even hauled to another Mechanic ...they were blaming it on something else -not their Transmission Job...(it only lasted a few days)....We were not going to pay them another dime...(I was livid)....but I took this down almost as quickly as I posted it...I was being vindictive & wanted to slaughter their name..(nice huh!)

I just asked my teen sons what they consider being an "Attention Ho" - they corrected me and said "it's Wh_____ Mom" (yes I knew that)...... the 16 yr old's answer....

"*Complaining* !!"... other one said "OH YEAH!"...with a disgusted look, seems they see this a ton on FB -he named a couple names......then he added " *Duck face pics*".... "*15 selfies a day*"...but said when it's related to an outing/ something you did and you share those, you are not.. I agree with my sons !!


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am absolutely sure whomever Southbound looks at with his critical eye has absolutely no inkling what he secretly thinks ..harsh as it may be.....


It's really not all that critical in my view. Honestly, I rarely get on FB anymore because it doesn't appeal to me. As for the judging, I don't feel I'm harsh, and as I've said before, what would it matter; my opinion is only relevant to me, it doesn't amount to ten cents. 

I feel like what people do on FB is an expression of their personality, so it helps us see who they are. Like the people drinking and such that you listed. Ok, if, for example, I wonder whether people i know are the type i want my kids around, and then I see them looking proud as a pea**** while they booze it up on FB, that gives me some information I need.

I'm sure there are people who look at my FB page and see that I haven't changed my profile pic in 4 years, and never put on any pictures, and rarely make comments, and think I'm the most boring guy in the world. In their eyes, I probably am, so that judgement
would be accurate for them to make in comparison to them. 

I go to concerts from time to time, that's my thing. I could post all the pics on FB, but people would either think I was trying to show off or they wouldn't care about the act I saw anyway, so why post? Sharing all that just doesn't give me a boost, but that's just me. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> I think I'm pretty normal.. and hopefully balanced..


True. I assume we all think we are normal. I think I'm the most normal guy in the world, but others might not. You probably don't.  If the yardstick for normal is what I read on a lot of forums, I'm certainly not normal.

I guess we all live our lives according to what we think is normal.
I know that what was normal when I was a kid is not always considered normal now, so, am I still normal if I cling to those ways?


----------



## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> I just find differences interesting. I've said before that human behavior fascinates me. I suppose I should have been another Dr. Phil.  I guess I'm of a more private nature and don't understand the desire to share everything.


 Southbound you would hardly make a Dr Phil.. His work is all about getting people to OPEN UP...spill their guts to each other... you just said down below you have no interest in hearing that from anyone ... 



> *I have nobody to blame but myself for accepting some of those requests*. but I have no desire to share my guts with all those people, and I don't care about their guts either. If it is someone I'm close to, I'd rather just share in person rather than putting it on FB, but that's just me


 Please do these people a favor and unfriend them.. they will probably never notice even.. especially since they have the whole town on their friend list....



> I would understand people's actions on FB more if it were just a link to true family, friends, and friends we don't get to see often, but with most, that's not the case. Most everyone has a million friends, from the milkman to some person that checked them out once at the grocery.


 Because of those who feel like you...and how strongly I feel about someone loathing me (I'd rather blow away in the wind somewhere)...I don't ask for friend requests, it's very rare... 

When I am asked though... I genuinely appreciate the gesture....if I know enough about them - and their character, I do accept.. it's more of a "are they safe" thing with me.. 




> I'm not sure what you mean here.


 I mentioned something about blocking a posters feed.. I don't even know if that is possible.. better to just unfriend.



> That's true as well. Another thing, I hear quite frequently of people who commit some kind of crime, and then get caught because they post details on FB. I suppose that is good for the police, but how nutty can a person be. I think, "they were not only nutty enough to commit the crime, but went into nutty overload and posted it on FB." :scratchhead: What's the deal with these people?


 There was a boy in 11th grade who threatened to shoot up the school (the same night one of our tires were slashed on the top of the driveway- was it him -we'll never know)... he also stole a TV at another's kids house.. the Police took him in that night... his FB page is why he got in trouble..it was reported it....

It was very telling HOW his Mother handled this.. she gave a RANT and half to how innocent her wonderful son is, that we don't know him....and talked about how self righteous everyone talking about him was.. (a friend of mine directed me to her page to read -she had it open to ALL)...

Now if that was MY BRAT..(& my friend felt the same).. I can tell you .. I would be on my knees apologizing for his behavior to the community....I would be wholly ashamed... he would be in so damn much trouble with US ...I'd be worse than any judge. 

Funny how different people are..... so yeah.. FB can be very telling.. to what someone is made of....and their families.. (his sister was doing the same thing.. very proud , duck faces, pierced tongues.. and how wonderful her brother is , and noone else knows the REAL him)....



> I'm sure there are people who look at my FB page and see that I haven't changed my profile pic in 4 years, and never put on any pictures, and rarely make comments, and think I'm the most boring guy in the world. In their eyes, I probably am, so that judgement would be accurate for them to make in comparison to them.


... I would view your profile... as someone unapproachable ...not caring to interact with others.. which..given what you've shared.. would be very accurate.


----------



## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> I just asked my teen sons
> 
> "*Complaining* !!"... other one said "OH YEAH!"...with a disgusted look, seems they see this a ton on FB -he named a couple names......then he added " *Duck face pics*".... "*15 selfies a day*"...but said when it's related to an outing/ something you did and you share those, you are not.. I agree with my sons !!


I bet they mean the extremes. Like when someone is constantly complaining or when there are 50 passive aggressive jabs aimed at whoever the poster is mad at. Just saying whatever they need to say to that person face to face seems unpopular. So instead we all see the ambiguous drama spamming our pages and are flood with profound jabs. Honestly though I'm smiling as I write this so it's not actually that annoying.


----------



## TiggyBlue

I don't really look at a lot of fb pics, so no judging on my part.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Thundarr said:


> I bet they mean the extremes. *Like when someone is constantly complaining or when there are 50 passive aggressive jabs aimed at whoever the poster is mad at.* Just saying whatever they need to say to that person face to face seems unpopular. So instead we all see the ambiguous drama spamming our pages and are flood with profound jabs. Honestly though I'm smiling as I write this so it's not actually that annoying.


Yes they meant like complaining 24/7 - I just didn't say "24/7" ...but was intended...

Complaining / DRAMA threads HERE get the most play... so it's not like our human nature doesn't gravitate to this even... we like a little drama (I can admit this!)

What is reflected on this thread is very true here.....I've been on the brunt of both sides.. If I complain about my husband (and I have )...I get told how ungrateful I am and I like to manufacture drama ....but I think it's even worse if I praise.. that's repulsive too!!! So :wtf:. 

Can't win for loosing so really...what is acceptable to talk about.. the weather.. :sleeping::sleeping::sleeping:...

So yeah... might as well just do our own thing... those who like it.. that's great!!.... those who don't ...... it's just better to know.... 

I'm a friendly person... I LIKE friendly people.. and introverts can be friendly too.... I married one, he may sit in the back, not say too much but he never minds going here/ going there, and being around people.. he is very approachable.. 

The truth is...I don't get a whole lot of social interaction ..I don't have the co-worker thing going on, don't go to church anymore... I get together with friends every now & again.. everyone is so busy today... . I probably talk more to my kids friends in real life than other adults .. so thank you TAM for putting up with me !


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> Southbound you would hardly make a Dr Phil.. His work is all about getting people to OPEN UP...spill their guts to each other... you just said down below you have no interest in hearing that from anyone ...


I think it depends on how one views it as to whether I would make a Dr. Phil. I believe in that type of format, I would like to hear people's side of things.

I don't watch him now because he doesn't come on during a time I can watch anymore. If I recall, however, he was all about logic and spent a lot of time looking at people like they were crazy and asking "what are you thinking?" He also had no tolerance for BS. He wanted solid answers and not drama. I remember that I always agreed with him about 90% of the time.

I think that's why he appealed to me, he was about logic and no drama; he expected people to act their age. 

He is also about realism. I remember one show where a husband was in his 20s and his wife in her 50s. Appearance wise, she was an Aunt Bee 50s. They were complaining because people were always asking if that were his mother and acting stunned that they were husband and wife.

Dr. Phil didn't say they should divorce, but he said, "She does look like she could be your mother, you all chose this and you have to expect that some will react this way." He didn't sugar coat it. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> ... I would view your profile... as someone unapproachable ...not caring to interact with others.. which..given what you've shared.. would be very accurate


You'd probably be fairly accurate. I think we can read some things from the cover. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> There was a boy in 11th grade who threatened to shoot up the school (the same night one of our tires were slashed on the top of the driveway- was it him -we'll never know)... he also stole a TV at another's kids house.. the Police took him in that night... his FB page is why he got in trouble..it was reported it....
> 
> It was very telling HOW his Mother handled this.. she gave a RANT and half to how innocent her wonderful son is, that we don't know him....and talked about how self righteous everyone talking about him was.. (a friend of mine directed me to her page to read -she had it open to ALL)...
> 
> Now if that was MY BRAT..(& my friend felt the same).. I can tell you .. I would be on my knees apologizing for his behavior to the community....I would be wholly ashamed... he would be in so damn much trouble with US ...I'd be worse than any judge.
> 
> Funny how different people are..... so yeah.. FB can be very telling.. to what someone is made of....and their families.. (his sister was doing the same thing.. very proud , duck faces, pierced tongues.. and how wonderful her brother is , and noone else knows the REAL him)....


I agree with you 100% on this. I don't understand people like this. The mother saying that "we don't know him..and everybody is self righteous for talking about him.":scratchhead:
Gee, we know he threatened to shoot up the school; what is there that needs to be praised about that? In addition, his family standing up for him lets me know how they are weird and have no idea about right and wrong.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> I think it depends on how one views it as to whether I would make a Dr. Phil. I believe in that type of format, I would like to hear people's side of things.
> 
> I don't watch him now because he doesn't come on during a time I can watch anymore. If I recall, however, he was all about logic and spent a lot of time looking at people like they were crazy and asking "what are you thinking?" He also had no tolerance for BS. He wanted solid answers and not drama. I remember that I always agreed with him about 90% of the time.


 I agreed with him more like 95% of the time.. enjoyed his show very much.. I like the NO







approach myself.. *BUT Doc Phil very much understands our emotions*...and why some of us react the way we do ...he is not ALL LOGIC .....if he came at his clients like this.. they would not feel understood by him at all.. 

Our emotions are not baseless...there is a *healthy outlet* for them...his job is to get the more emotional spouse to embrace the logical and many times the more Logical spouse who has very little emotion (or care for it) to embrace understanding how HIS reactions (stoic, untouchable, unpenetrateable , lacking enthusiasm).. how this too...can also hurt -causing pain in relationships.... 

We all need that healthy balance...which is somewhere in the middle...












> I think that's why he appealed to me, he was about logic and no drama; he expected people to act their age.
> 
> He is also about realism. I remember one show where a husband was in his 20s and his wife in her 50s. Appearance wise, she was an Aunt Bee 50s. They were complaining because people were always asking if that were his mother and acting stunned that they were husband and wife.
> 
> Dr. Phil didn't say they should divorce, but he said, "She does look like she could be your mother, you all chose this and you have to expect that some will react this way." He didn't sugar coat it.


 I agree !:smthumbup: Blaming others for their reactions , expecting them to change...would only perpetuate irritation every time they are out & encountered such a conversation..so THEY needed a new approach to deal with what will be.. that reality ..and go forth together....



> You'd probably be fairly accurate. I think we can read some things from the cover.


 what I said was -I would deem such a person "unapproachable ...not caring to interact with others"... and you agree , it's fairly accurate...you admit this...so you relate more to those who feel THIS WAY...which basically = very little communication/ connection or anything-ness... 

I can't help but find this rather .. and of course it is no concern of mine..... just those darn pesky emotions entering it again!....

Have you ever felt like you're *a nuisance* around someone..like they just want to get away from you... It's unsettling... .this is what comes to mind... knowing someone *thinks* such as yourself.. 

Being the realist I am, armed with this impression..... I would not dare even approach someone who felt like this.. I would almost find it demeaning..(but I am logically taking that to an extreme I suppose).. much of what you speak here plays into why I feel so strongly (a least for myself ) that a women should never NEVER chase a man.. what if he feels like [email protected]#....Oh the [email protected]#


----------



## heartsbeating

southbound said:


> If someone is going somewhere, they don't have to plan their route as carefully as in the old days, they can just call someone and ask, "what exit do I get off?"


What is this 'calling' business you speak of? 

That's what google maps is for!


----------



## heartsbeating

samyeagar said:


> My step daughter, straight A student, national honor society, student council president, president of spanish club, she's a good kid with a good head on her shoulders...was at a party, and posed for a selfie holding a hard lemonade. The selfie ended up on instagram four about 30 minutes. In that time, someone managed to get a screen cap, and sent it to the school principal. She got into some trouble...not as bad as she could have, but there were consequences. Her reaction was to get pissed at whoever reported her...my question to her was why did you feel compelled to tell the world that you were doing something illegal?


I'm so glad social media wasn't around when I was a teen.

I get your question to her, but still, what's with the hall monitor reporting it? And forgive my naivety but I didn't realize a principal would have consequences for something occurring at a non-school related party.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

heartsbeating said:


> What is this 'calling' business you speak of?
> 
> That's what google maps is for!


 I'm with you...I print out Map quest directions & punch it in the GPS...I would prefer to NOT bother anyone for directions personally.. 

...Why do that when you don't have to & you could get it online.. I wouldn't even trust some people with directions.. what if they leave out a turn.. Just give me a physical address & we're good! 

We don't even do the cell phone thing.. kids use Ipods - and we have an old tracfone..(pretty much for emergencies or the kids need to get a message to me)... no internet..no bells & whistles.. I have like over a 1,000 minutes on it...I don't feel like I am missing anything.... I think our family is the only one I know who doesn't all carry cell phones.


----------



## heartsbeating

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm with you...I print out Map quest directions & punch it in the GPS...I would prefer to NOT bother anyone for directions personally..
> 
> ...Why do that when you don't have to & you could get it online.. I wouldn't even trust some people with directions.. what if they leave out a turn.. Just give me a physical address & we're good!
> 
> We don't even do the cell phone thing.. kids use Ipods - and we have an old tracfone..(pretty much for emergencies or the kids need to get a message to me)... no internet..no bells & whistles.. I have like over a 1,000 minutes on it...I don't feel like I am missing anything.... I think our family is the only one I know who doesn't all carry cell phones.


A woman stopped me the other week for directions to a restaurant. She was holding her iphone. I hadn't heard of the restaurant and asked if she had google maps. Her battery was almost flat. Mine was low too but had a bit more juice so I looked it up. While I was looking down at my screen, she spotted it across the street anyway.


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> I can't help but find this rather .. and of course it is no concern of mine..... just those darn pesky emotions entering it again!....


I realize that people do find it sad if people are in certain situations, such as being single, living alone, or not a social butterfly. In a sense, that is a form of judging, which is fine, but i don't believe everyone is sad in that situation.

Maybe others know more than i do. Maybe one day I will wake up and wish I had been more social, emotional, and wanted more vacations, but if that is the case, why do i feel so darn content and happy now? Is my body playing a trick on me? It's not like I've trained to be like I am, it's just me. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Have you ever felt like you're *a nuisance* around someone..like they just want to get away from you... It's unsettling... .this is what comes to mind... knowing someone *thinks* such as yourself..


I've felt that way toward others, such as my Aunt. She will call my parents and talk for an hour about every inch of her life, and all they get to do is grunt a bit in acknowledgement. 

Everyone may not agree, but I've been told that the calm types like myself at least aren't the ones people generally try to avoid, we're just dull, and we usually don't have a plan to force our dullness on others. We never tie anybody up and force them to watch paint dry. It's usually those bouncing off the wall blabbers that make people run for the hills, and the worst of those are the ones who like to talk, but they don't require participation from the other person to stay fueled. 

I know a few people in my town that everyone tries to avoid if they see them out in a store or something. Not because they are bad people, but because you can never get away from them. they can stand and talk for an hour, and you don't even have to participate; just listen. It's weird that they usually go through their whole life and never realize that. 

My children's babysitter was like that. I always dreaded calling. I could never just state my business, exchange a few pleasantries and say bye. She would talk on and on and on. Sometimes I would catch a half second pause and say, "well, I will let you go," and she would judt keep going. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> much of what you speak here plays into why I feel so strongly (a least for myself ) that a women should never NEVER chase a man.. what if he feels like [email protected]#....Oh the [email protected]#


That's true, and traditional. Rejection isn't any easier from our side, though.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> I realize that people do find it sad if people are in certain situations, such as being single, living alone, or not a social butterfly. In a sense, that is a form of judging, which is fine, but i don't believe everyone is sad in that situation.
> 
> Maybe others know more than i do. Maybe one day I will wake up and wish I had been more social, emotional, and wanted more vacations, but if that is the case, why do i feel so darn content and happy now? Is my body playing a trick on me? It's not like I've trained to be like I am, it's just me.


 I do believe you are in the minority, every book on psychology I have ever read states we , as humans, reach for *connection* with others....when I think of those who feel as you...who just doesn't need or crave this connection (at least with some friends, family).....but thrives on the alone-ness... and would choose it... I wonder if they fit this...have you ever heard of this term? 










..the fact you ask many questions and find human nature fascinating..I think you enjoy your kids and your brother... however....I would say you are normal and not on that high of a bar.. 



> I've felt that way toward others, such as my Aunt. She will call my parents and talk for an hour about every inch of her life, and all they get to do is grunt a bit in acknowledgement.


See I was trying to appeal to you...*on HOW THAT MIGHT FEEL IF YOU Felt a nuisance* but you answered in the opposite direction ....pointing to how YOU FEEL OTHERS are a nuisance..(this does not surprise me).....I would imagine such things would roll right off your back... you'd think "so what -they don't like me, but I like myself...life is good".. 



> Everyone may not agree, but I've been told that the calm types like myself at least aren't the ones people generally try to avoid, we're just dull, and we usually don't have a plan to force our dullness on others.


 See I don't view this the same as you at all.. you like to hear others thoughts, right.. if I *knew* a person felt like this >>










I would avoid them like the plague.. I wouldn't care how nice they are (I would consider it as FAKE as the woman bragging about her Husband on FB)....I would find that so gawd awful demeaning...I would much rather be around someone who got a big bright  and squeezed me with a bear hug & told me how much they missed me - Enthusiasm is beautiful !

My H is not quite this boisterous -but the feelings are there..there is a joy that shines when he runs into an old friend ..it's very WARM and inviting.. 



> We never tie anybody up and force them to watch paint dry. It's usually those bouncing off the wall blabbers that make people run for the hills, *and the worst of those are the ones who like to talk, but they don't require participation from the other person to stay fueled. *


 I agree with the last part here, I need give & take in a conversation or yes... I , too, want to run for the hills.. I get very antsy and am planning my get away.. If I get irritated enough I may even say something !...

Did you know I did a thread on this very subject , obsessive talkers , shortly after I joined here about a female friend driving me crazy!...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social...tter-just-dump-ignore-friendship-instead.html



> I know a few people in my town that everyone tries to avoid if they see them out in a store or something. Not because they are bad people, but because you can never get away from them. they can stand and talk for an hour, and you don't even have to participate; just listen. It's weird that they usually go through their whole life and never realize that.


 but these are extremes, I don't think this represents the majority of people by any means, just as those who constantly rant & do 15 selfiies a day on FB and/or brag about their marriages.. 

But it seems, for you, even those somewhere in the middle.. is TOO MUCH.. None of us are attracted or gravitate to extremes.... so many will relate to what you say here.. and agree. though still thinking a moderate balance on FACEBOOk is very acceptable (for instance).. 



> My children's babysitter was like that. I always dreaded calling. I could never just state my business, exchange a few pleasantries and say bye. She would talk on and on and on. Sometimes I would catch a half second pause and say, "well, I will let you go," and she would judt keep going.


 I tend to feel people like this (though she is young - some adults also do this) --something in them is not attuned to the fact -(little self awareness) that others are not as "excited" about what she IS...

. I think a good rule of thumb in communication is >> IS the other asking questions/ does their body language show high interest, engagement..... when the other is silent -this = lack of interest in subject.....this is our que.... THEY ARE BORED...and we need to shut up!!...at the very least ask them an open ended question so they can have the floor. 

I often allow others to lead a conversation -this way I know they are engaged.. I can pretty much speak on anything & I enjoy it...but I don't want to be a nuisance


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> I do believe you are in the minority, every book on psychology I have ever read states we , as humans, reach for *connection* with others....when I think of those who feel as you...who just doesn't need or crave this connection (at least with some friends, family).....but thrives on the alone-ness... and would choose it... I wonder if they fit this...have you ever heard of this term?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ..the fact you ask many questions and find human nature fascinating..I think you enjoy your kids and your brother... however....I would say you are normal and not on that high of a bar..


Yes, I have heard of those. I don't want to overdo this "alone" thing. Maybe it's less than I have led you to believe, and maybe not. It's often difficult to express in typed words. I'm not saying that I work to avoid people all the time. I'm around people 8 hours a day at my job, and I don't break out into cold sweats or feel uncomfortable. I'm around my kids, brother, cousin, parents, at times, and I like the people I work directly with.

I've found that I just don't crave or thrive on being around other people like some do. I am in a situation where I am naturally alone; I'm divorced and live on a farm in the sticks. With that said, I come home to an empty house a lot. That's fine with me; I'm not sad about it, nor am I always calling someone to fill that emptiness. Living alone, my ventures to the grocery and places are naturally alone; that's fine with me, I'm not trying to fill that void either. I find that when I'm alone, I am not sad as many would think, I am happy. 

I see in some others that they just enjoy being around people, whether they know them well or not. I know a guy who has been officially retired from teaching for 17 years, but he subs or has some job in the school every year because he just likes being around the buzz of people. The natural situation of being removed from people that retirement put him in is apparently not something he liked. For me, I think I would be fine with it.

As for other things, office parties don't thrill me too much. If there is a get-together of people I've known all my life, I enjoy that. I always loved being around the older generation that I grew up with. Whenever there was a gathering with them, I would jump on that, but sadly, many of them have passed away, and those gatherings no longer exist. 

I may be in the minority, but I know several people like me. They don't have a sign on their back that says, "leave me alone," but they are not always gravitating to the crowd either. I know one guy who works with me and owns a little farm that he likes to work on in the evenings; he says the last thing he wants to see after a day's work is another person. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> See I was trying to appeal to you...*on HOW THAT MIGHT FEEL IF YOU Felt a nuisance* but you answered in the opposite direction ....pointing to how YOU FEEL OTHERS are a nuisance..(this does not surprise me).....I would imagine such things would roll right off your back... you'd think "so what -they don't like me, but I like myself...life is good"..


I would have went in that direction, but I couldn't recall a time when I felt like someone was trying to get away from me just because it was me. It happens at work a lot due to everybody being so busy and on the go. Sometimes we just speak to our boss as she passes in a fast trot.:rofl:

You could be right, though. Maybe it happens and I don't worry about it. There is this saying that is something like, "In order to hurt my feelings, I have to value your opinion."
I guess i break things into categories with people. For example, I may respect my mechanics vast wisdom of engines, but if I know he doesn't like me for some frivolous reason, I kinda lose respect for him in that category and don't care. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> My H is not quite this boisterous -but the feelings are there..there is a joy that shines when he runs into an old friend ..it's very WARM and inviting..


Maybe I'm not as extreme as you think, who knows. I'm not a guy who walks around with a frown on. I've actually been given several compliments on my personality over the years. We had to divide into work teams at work once, and a guy told me he was glad he was on my team because he knew we could get along, and I wasn't real close to him, but this was just something he sensed.

People are always saying to me, "You must be happy." It's because I have a habit of humming a lot, and people see it as a sign of happiness. I also have people say to me, "you're funny." The lady I work with says I should have been a comedian. She says my dry sense of humor is hilarious. 

So, I'm not exactly a dried up prune with his mouth permanently plastered into a frown. Now, that doesn't take away from anything I have told you or admitted about my personality. No, I'm not very emotional, and I don't have to be around people a lot, and yes, some people annoy me, but maybe it doesn't come across in real life quite as dark as you might think, who knows. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> but these are extremes, I don't think this represents the majority of people by any means, just as those who constantly rant & do 15 selfiies a day on FB and/or brag about their marriages..


Maybe it's only the extremes that bother me too. It's not like I hear someone laugh and I head for the door. Maybe it represents more than normal where I'm from, while on the other hand, maybe there are a lot more people like me where I'm from.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I can pretty much speak on anything & I enjoy it...but I don't want to be a nuisance


I'm curious, how did you get to be so well rounded that you can speak to anything? Do you keep up with news a lot? I personally do not feel this way about myself. If you mention sports, for example, I have no intelligent comments to make because I know nothing about it. It always annoys me(can you believe it) to see some ******* talking about something he knows nothing about as if he's an expert. I don't want to be one of those people.

Some people can sit around and go on and on about why gas prices are so high and the government connection. As for me, I can't say for sure because I don't work in the government, nor am I an oil company executive, so how would I know for sure? I know oil companies like getting rich, but as for the mechanics of how it all goes down, I can't say.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

> *Southbound said:*
> I'm curious, how did you get to be so well rounded that you can speak to anything? Do you keep up with news a lot? I personally do not feel this way about myself. If you mention sports, for example, I have no intelligent comments to make because I know nothing about it. It always annoys me(can you believe it) to see some ******* talking about something he knows nothing about as if he's an expert. I don't want to be one of those people.


 It's not that I am so well rounded at all.. (& like you...no interest in sports -would be :sleeping... I should watch more News to be honest.. and Politics.. 

But I love to add to my knowledge.... so outside of sports talk, maybe hunting & surely some other areas that are too manly for me..my ears are perked...and I often *ask questions*.. . People generally LIKE to talk about something they are interested in & know something about ...and if not, I would sense some sort "intrusion" scowl & leave them alone. It's all in the body language.. 



> Some people can sit around and go on and on about why gas prices are so high and the government connection. As for me, I can't say for sure because I don't work in the government, nor am I an oil company executive, so how would I know for sure? I know oil companies like getting rich, but as for the mechanics of how it all goes down, I can't say.


 I just appreciate hearing all sides to any issue... I would pretty much ask how THEY came to such conclusions.. what they listen to/ read...why they feel as they do.. if I had a counter view, to see what they say...and for myself......many times I research something after having a conversation with someone (afterwards) to get a better handle on it.. 

So meeting a variety of people with a variety of interests can broaden your life - is my point.. I enjoy the communication.. I like to learn of others.. I have picked up many things over the years... from this person, that person, could be an old friend...that I carry with me, I may never see them again.. but I was darn glad I met them... and have fond memories of those times..

I don't need to be around people all the time either as (being half introverted, I too need to recharge & also highly relish my alone time...like reading a good book under a tree-I could do that ALL DAY LONG) but if a friend calls me -which one did yesterday, I can talk for 2 hours straight so long as it's not all one sided...I'd put her on speaker phone & multitask many things if she was long winded... 

This got so off the subject..It's my fault...sorry OP !! 

I guess the point from these replies (even my exchanges with Souhtbound) IS >>>>

People are annoyed by different things.. I am all for personal expression.. If you want to take 15 selfies a day & pose in a variety of bikins on Facebook....this will cause some raised eye brows for many (while some guys are lovin' it) but you won't escape some's painting you a certain way... (those silent consequences exist)..

Here is a very controversial issue... I live in a small town but I've heard of these Sl** walks in big cities, this is primarily about RAPE -to not blame the woman *for how she dresses*.. if you "google image" this , you will see what type of signs they hold up and how proud they are to dress very scantly.. reason tells me ...if one takes this too far....it will just affect our cultural norms more so.. and facebook will reflect this of course...along with how our girls dress in school.. etc.. we will embrace less & less clothing...

Just as guys now show their underwear with their pants half on the ground.. I see nothing remotely attractive about this ...but hey...I'm reaching "old lady" status these days, another Generation !
Someone mentioned "*having some class*" earlier in one of these posts..







.I agree with that comment...but even this will be insulting to some... what one defines as CLASS another will have the bar raised higher or lower.. so it's inevitable.. people JUDGE...and will continue to do so.. 

What else is new under the sun, and if it's not for our pictures, or how Open we are... it will be for something else... At the end of the day, our personal expression will attract like minded people... as it should be. I guess that's how I feel..


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> I just appreciate hearing all sides to any issue... I would pretty much ask how THEY came to such conclusions.. what they listen to/ read...why they feel as they do.. if I had a counter view, to see what they say...and for myself......many times I research something after having a conversation with someone (afterwards) to get a better handle on it..


I'm that way too i suppose, except my topic seems to be human behavior; I discuss that with several people. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> I don't need to be around people all the time either as (being half introverted, I too need to recharge & also highly relish my alone time...like reading a good book under a tree-I could do that ALL DAY LONG)


We have this in common. I would more than likely be watching an old movie or something, but I get that.



SimplyAmorous said:


> but if a friend calls me -which one did yesterday, I can talk for 2 hours straight so long as it's not all one sided...I'd put her on speaker phone & multitask many things if she was long winded...


Same here. I can talk to a friend. As a matter of fact, if one called me right now and wanted to do something spur of the moment, like drive to a town 50 miles away and eat at a certain place, I'd probably be all for it. Maybe the difference is I don't need or have as many of these people as some do. 

If someone is truly a close friend, they don't annoy me. I probably wouldn't go the 50 miles with just an acquaintance. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> This got so off the subject..It's my fault...sorry OP !!


I added fuel as well. Isn't it amazing how all this got started over a question about FB pictures.



SimplyAmorous said:


> People are annoyed by different things.. I am all for personal expression.. If you want to take 15 selfies a day & pose in a variety of bikins on Facebook....this will cause some raised eye brows for many (while some guys are lovin' it) but you won't escape some's painting you a certain way... (those silent consequences exist)..


True, and we all do this. Instead of calling it judging, maybe I just look at it like "everybody has an opinion." My grandfather said once that if we all knew everything people said about us, we probably wouldn't be speaking to anybody." I find truth in that.

For some reason, human beings must be geared to think that people don't talk about or judge them unless they overhear it or hear about it. When that happens, we all act shocked as if it's something new. I guess I have a deep understanding of this and don't really care that people judge me; we all do it, so what? 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Just as guys now show their underwear with their pants half on the ground.. I see nothing remotely attractive about this ...but hey...I'm reaching "old lady" status these days, another Generation !


But what's wrong with old lady status? I realize we all have opinions, but whatever happened to just good old fashioned decency and having some common morals? Like the example about the women holding signs? Who in their right mind would go along with that? Someone mentioned to me recently that the only things wrong anymore that we all can agree on is molestation and murder, other than that, it's all good. 

Why should things be different just because you are an old lady? It seems like so much today is based on what is "cool." Is that really a good yardstick to measure what is decent or normal. I'm sure you, as an old lady, could teach the younger ones a few things about life if they would just listen. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> it will just affect our cultural norms more so.. and facebook will reflect this of course...along with how our girls dress in school.. etc.. we will embrace less & less clothing...


Sure. And do we just keep chalking it up to what is "cool," and I don't understand because I'm old fashioned? 

Anyway, this is way off topic.


----------



## vellocet

lovelygirl said:


> Not all the selfies are about "Look I'm hot". Some just want to share the fact that they're having a good time with friends.


Not sure what you are arguing here, but to me its pretty simple that one can ascertain from the selfie itself just what message they are sending.

Half nude bathroom selfies is not sharing good times with friends.


----------



## TiggyBlue

vellocet said:


> Not sure what you are arguing here, but to me its pretty simple that one can ascertain from the selfie itself just what message they are sending.
> 
> *Half nude bathroom selfies is not sharing good times with friends*.


Well.... we hope they're not


----------



## vellocet

TiggyBlue said:


> Well.... we hope they're not


Oh they are out there!


----------



## TiggyBlue

I have seen though sort of pics before floating round, mostly with half naked selfies I don't really think much but seriously why would anyone take them with kids in the room.


----------



## vellocet

Gotta love the epic parenting fail meme's. And not just the ones about the slvtty selfies


----------



## Anonymous07

TiggyBlue said:


> I have seen though sort of pics before floating round, mostly with half naked selfies I don't really think much but seriously why would anyone take them with kids in the room.


It is weird.  I don't get it. 

I take "selfies" with my son(not half-naked ones! :lol only because it's the few pictures I actually have of the 2 of us together. Almost all of the other pictures taken are of my son alone or of him and other people(his dad, my mom/grandma, etc.). He's my son and rarely do I have pictures of us together. 

I did post a picture my husband took of myself and my son at the beach. I was wearing a bikini holding my son knee deep in the ocean.  Do I think people judge that picture? Probably, but I really don't care. We had a great time that day at the beach and I felt great being back to my 'pre-baby' body with some added stretch marks(although they have faded a lot). If people are mad at me for wearing a bikini, oh well.


----------



## vellocet

Anonymous07 said:


> I did post a picture my husband took of myself and my son at the beach. I was wearing a bikini holding my son knee deep in the ocean.  Do I think people judge that picture? Probably, but I really don't care.



But that isn't one of those narcissistic bathroom mirror selfies. Nothing wrong with a picture like that. Your at the beach for crying out loud.


----------

