# Should I leave my husband? Or am I overreacting?



## Name (Sep 5, 2011)

This is my first post so it's going to be super long. I'm so confused right now. i could use a lot of support and advice. I have been married for 5 years. I have 2 kids with my husband. A 4 year old and a 2 month old. My husband is not from the U.S. and he wanted to go back to his country because of better career opportunities. It was hard for me to move, but i want what is best for my family. Our relationship started off bad i met him at work and after a few months we started dating. I saw him every single day since we had started dating. Everything was going great until after 4 months of dating he told me he was married but separated. It was a huuuuge surprise for me, i couldn't believe it if i saw him every single day how could i not know??? i found out he left her when he was with me already. he never admitted that but i know for a fact. she was out of the country the first month we dated and that's why he was able to see me everyday. then when she came back is when he ended it. He lied a lot when i first met him for stupid things. For example his age, where his mom was born, oh and the married thing. After a while he earned my trust. I really trusted him because i never felt threatened. he didn't go out and always involved me. Now we are in his country. after 2 years here he is successful here. this year he started traveling a lot for business. i admit i'm not used to the idea of him traveling and i was pregnant with our second child. i also don't understand why business trips are going through weekends also. i feel if he has to travel for business he should be back home latest friday. he started changing this year. he said he had these business trips but i busted him going to clubs and spending $400 in one night in a club. then on another occasion he had to travel for a business "training". Told me details about his "training" day as much as them having a bbq, playing volley ball, going to dinner with the co-workers and that the training took place in a big nice house. i decided to reverse look up the number he was calling me from. it turned out to be a hotel at the beach and no where near the training center. I confronted him and of course he did the whole "you're crazy, you're insecure thing". then after about an hour of arguing and he admitted to me that he was at the hotel and needed a break from me. i was 8 months pregnant and very hurt. the only reason i'm still with him is because he spoke to me at late hours those rest of the days of the trip and i thought well if he's with a girl he wouldn't be talking to me at night because she would be there with him right? i've been noticing other changes too. he now puts a password on his phone. i have never been one to check his phone but now i'm curious of why he feel he needs a password. obviously i can't check it now because he put a password. when in the car he puts his cellphone between his legs. i feel like he's hiding something. he blames everything on work. that he's always using his phone because he's constantly receiving emails. but at 4am in the morning? he tells me it's some people in italy on a different time zone and shows me the messages from far away but won't show me the time he received the messages. i don't have proof that he's cheating but what am i supposed to think? i'm really trying to fix things because i do love him and we just had another baby. he constantly tells me i have no self esteem and very insecure, but he has done things to break the trust i had in him. once again he is on a "business trip" and i'm here crying and going crazy. i'm alone over here. all his family and friends are here. his business trips are in the U.S. where i'm from. I feel like he leaves us here and goes and has his fun over there. now that he feels he's making more money he's changed. he tried to get me to sign a paper stating that whatever we list on that paper is what we share as a married couple but from that date on what's his is his and what's mine is mine. I never signed it of course but it really hurt me. i left my country for the better of my family and to support him in his career and now that he's doing better financially he wants to cut me off??? Please i really need advice. am i really insecure, am i overreacting???


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## Seanpgrnc (Jun 26, 2011)

I would say to go with your gut feeling. You know this man and his behavior is screaming to you that something is off. He started the relationship with a lie so he has shown you that he is not above it. Seems to me he is starting to lay the tracks to divorce. What husband would expect his wife to sign a what's mine is mine paper. Marriage is about love and sharing. Just my .02.
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## Name (Sep 5, 2011)

I know he's changed this year. He's where he wants to be right now in his career and feels important now. I wish i could be happy for him but how could i if he's going back to being a liar. it would be so much easier if he would just admit that he met someone else or that's not it then he wants to live the bachelor life now. i keep holding on hoping it's just me being crazy with ideas in my head but i know him and he's changed.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Trust your gut!

You need to get some power here. He is slowly wearing you down. See a lawyer and find out your options.

Your kids are US citizens. Consider taking a trip with him and them to the US and while there serve him with divorce papers. Warn the authorities so they won't let him remove the kids from the US.
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