# my wife doesnt want more children



## what_now (Mar 25, 2012)

I have been married for going on 2 years now, before getting married my wife and I agreed on having children together. She has two children from a previous marriage and I do not have any of my own. We did concieve a child and unfortunately our daughter was stillborn full term. My wife will be 40 this year and I will turn 35, we had tried unsuccessfully to concieve again up till 3 months ago. We had had an argument about me not pulling my weight around the house and she said that she was not going to have another child if I didnt change happy to say that I did, however, when we were trying to conceive she always talked about it and now she doesnt. It took me asking her with myself in tears to findout that she doesnt want to have anymore. Some of the reasons behind her decision which took me dragging it out of her where she didnt want to have another stillborn, she was frustrated in failed attempts and her age. Am I wrong for feeling hurt and let down or maybe that our marriage is headed for an end?. Why didnt she discuss her discision with me instead of it having to make me so upset or letting me figure it out on my own?.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

what_now said:


> I have been married for going on 2 years now, before getting married my wife and I agreed on having children together. She has two children from a previous marriage and I do not have any of my own. We did concieve a child and unfortunately our daughter was stillborn full term. My wife will be 40 this year and I will turn 35, we had tried unsuccessfully to concieve again up till 3 months ago. We had had an argument about me not pulling my weight around the house and she said that she was not going to have another child if I didnt change happy to say that I did, however, when we were trying to conceive she always talked about it and now she doesnt. It took me asking her with myself in tears to findout that she doesnt want to have anymore. Some of the reasons behind her decision which took me dragging it out of her where she didnt want to have another stillborn, she was frustrated in failed attempts and her age. Am I wrong for feeling hurt and let down or maybe that our marriage is headed for an end?. Why didnt she discuss her discision with me instead of it having to make me so upset or letting me figure it out on my own?.


Could the two of you speak to a doctor about the likelihood of such a tragedy happening again? H and I lost a pregnancy at 6 1/2 months into it and when we decided to try again, we were counseled on our odds. Make sure she's not just speaking out of fear.
If she means it, then you have a decision to make.
We went on to have 2 perfect little boys at the ages 39 and 41.
Sorry for your loss and best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## what_now (Mar 25, 2012)

thanks for your response, I would like to look into the counseling of odds of it happening again.


----------



## what_now (Mar 25, 2012)

plus I am not sure if this would affect someones response but my daughter passed away 2 years ago this december.


----------



## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I don't think you are wrong for feeling hurt. However, the fear of losing another infant can be overwhelming. She may have wanted to "replace" the baby she lost for a while (truly, it is like losing a living infant for some.) But, now after some of the fighting, she is getting scared & reliving the past in her mind.

Is the daughter that passed away 2 years ago the stillborn? If not, than I can see you feeling double whammied with dealing with feelings of not being able to have another child with your wife.

I really think you need some counseling. 1) to see if part of her emotions are because of the fear of another still born. 2) If it's not that - for you to be able to process the thoughts of not having "your own" children (can you adopt hers?) or if you really want to leave her, to start a family with someone who wants more children.

Now, keep in mind, The next woman might feel the same. She wants children now, but after years of trying will get emotionally distant with the thought of it. & change her mind.


----------



## what_now (Mar 25, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> I don't think you are wrong for feeling hurt. However, the fear of losing another infant can be overwhelming. She may have wanted to "replace" the baby she lost for a while (truly, it is like losing a living infant for some.) But, now after some of the fighting, she is getting scared & reliving the past in her mind.
> 
> Is the daughter that passed away 2 years ago the stillborn? If not, than I can see you feeling double whammied with dealing with feelings of not being able to have another child with your wife.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## what_now (Mar 25, 2012)

The stillborn was two years ago this December
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## what_now (Mar 25, 2012)

Her children are ages 13 and 16 and adopting them is out of the question I support them like they are my own but it doesn't replace the thought of having my own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Okay, then it seems like the fighting might have triggered her to rethink what she wants in life & thinking about the feelings of the stillborn pregnancy & fears.

I really would suggestion counseling for you both.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Well, it's not like bait & switch.... she did put an honest effort into conceiving. I wouldn't want to try again when I hit 40, and my other kids were teens. 

You are allowed to feel what you feel....but so is she. She probably has some negative emotions too...about trying again, and about not really wanting to try again. 

You could consider adoption.... if her issue isn't about not wanting a baby now that the other kids are older.


----------



## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Honestly, after 35 the risk of birth defects, miscarriage, and health problems in the mother go up. 

Pregnancy after 35 | Pregnancy | March of Dimes

If you two do want children, it might be better to adopt.


----------

