# Questions I still have about the EA



## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

Okay I know he has to earn my trust .I also know guys do not like you to bring stuff back up that for them its over its over .
I still have nagging questions ,like did he initiate it or did the OW?
He swears it was only 3 days ,but as I was snooping in his old emails (which has since been deleted ) he mentions calling me .
I am :scratchhead: trying to figure this one out .
I discovered it on a day he was home .All of those 3 days he was home .
We don't have cell phones and so it had been longer than just the emails I saw .
I don't know why but I am so desperate to see the profile of OW .
Yet for me to do that I would have join the forum and from browsing through the sites FAQ section this forum you can see who has visited your profile .(unless I make up a new one but I don't know if I should ) .

I know he has to earn my trust and so far at home ,any time I come over to him on his laptop he has left everything on the screen .Where as before he quickly started shrinking the pages and stuff .


He says the EA is because I act like a child or have a temper( I do have one I admit it more so during sporting events :rofl
Says the OW listens to him etc...
I do try and listen 
He says that a PA is worse then a EA but I don't know cheating is cheating to me .

But do these questions ever go away ?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wait a minute. 
He cheated and yet YOU need to earn HIS trust?
Is it Opposite Day? 
You should see her profile if you want to.
Him saying the EA is due to your behavior means he's not owning what he did and it in fact, blaming you and not taking responsibility. 

Eh, until any of that gets resolved, I don't see much hope for your reconciliation.


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

I do think we are resolving it .
I don't know I do want to trust him again .

I don't know about joining the other forum because like I said they know who has visited their profile page .


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

What are you afraid of?


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> What are you afraid of?


Well to be honest a lot of things I guess.
I am even scared posting here about it .
I just wish I knew who started this whole thing ,I wish I knew more about the ow ...


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## Anaphylactic (Feb 19, 2012)

Snowflake said:


> Well to be honest a lot of things I guess.
> I am even scared posting here about it .
> I just wish I knew who started this whole thing ,I wish I knew more about the ow ...


he needs to me totally Transparent so if you want to see the profile you should be able to. Trust this..... I went CRAZY reading posts and reviews and emails and such. It drove me so crazy that I did make a profile and posed as a "John" on a hooker website just so I could gain access to the "high roller" member section!!! Looking back I laugh at that. But in the midst of it all I was driving myself out of my mind between his lies not matching the emails, phone records, reviews, and posts he made UGhhhhh 
Seriously if you are the kind of person who needs to know all then he should tell all. But if you don't need to know in your heart then don't search. I HAD to know. I don't regret it but I do wish I hadn't done ALL I did to catch him. It hurts bad. 
Be well. Thx


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

Anaphylactic said:


> he needs to me totally Transparent so if you want to see the profile you should be able to. Trust this..... I went CRAZY reading posts and reviews and emails and such. It drove me so crazy that I did make a profile and posed as a "John" on a hooker website just so I could gain access to the "high roller" member section!!! Looking back I laugh at that. But in the midst of it all I was driving myself out of my mind between his lies not matching the emails, phone records, reviews, and posts he made UGhhhhh
> Seriously if you are the kind of person who needs to know all then he should tell all. But if you don't need to know in your heart then don't search. I HAD to know. I don't regret it but I do wish I hadn't done ALL I did to catch him. It hurts bad.
> Be well. Thx



I am so torn part of me wants to snoop ,but the other side says why what good would it do ?
My best wish is for someone to do the snooping for me on the social site (no its not FB) that way they could fill me on things without me making a profile (which I would have to make one up ) . 

Oh and I do wish I could get him to delete his sent emails .That part is driving me nuts. He deleted all the other emails just not the ones in the sent box .I don't know if he knows they are there or not ....


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you are experiencing trickle truth (the affair was likely longer), no transparency (he needs to open up everything to you) and without transparency you have no idea if no contact is being made


you have nothing but a husband striving to protect his affair and his mistress


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## Anaphylactic (Feb 19, 2012)

Snowflake said:


> I am so torn part of me wants to snoop ,but the other side says why what good would it do ?
> My best wish is for someone to do the snooping for me on the social site (no its not FB) that way they could fill me on things without me making a profile (which I would have to make one up ) .
> 
> Oh and I do wish I could get him to delete his sent emails .That part is driving me nuts. He deleted all the other emails just not the ones in the sent box .I don't know if he knows they are there or not ....


Of course he knows the sent mail is there. My husband did the same things. I deleted them all!!! I made him give all the passwords to his accounts and he did. But he also deleted some emails so I wouldn't know. 
Snooping gave me peace and agony. So its your choice. If you feel you have to snoop do it. If you feel it will hurt you more don't. But if you feel you will not rest until you know then do what your heart says. I had to because I just had to. Like I said I don't regret it, but some things were a bit much!


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> you are experiencing trickle truth (the affair was likely longer), no transparency (he needs to open up everything to you) and without transparency you have no idea if no contact is being made
> 
> 
> you have nothing but a husband striving to protect his affair and his mistress


He says he deleted himself from that social site .Idk if he has or not as I am not a member ,all I have is his word .
He says its only been a few days Idk if that is or is not true .
I got a little sad last night and said I didn't want to loose him to any other women .
He said I told you it was over can you please stop thinking about it .
I told him I am trying but ever once in a while I worry about it.

I have been checking his email every day so far I have not caught anything from the OW.
I know he cannot call her or see her (I guess that is the only good thing about the fact she lives in a complete other country )


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

Anaphylactic said:


> Of course he knows the sent mail is there. My husband did the same things. I deleted them all!!! I made him give all the passwords to his accounts and he did. But he also deleted some emails so I wouldn't know.
> Snooping gave me peace and agony. So its your choice. If you feel you have to snoop do it. If you feel it will hurt you more don't. But if you feel you will not rest until you know then do what your heart says. I had to because I just had to. Like I said I don't regret it, but some things were a bit much!


I am thinking of asking him to delete sent emails right in front of me .I don't want to do this I want him to have to ,as long as they are there its hurting me .


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

The best thing I ever did was give up snooping. It was driving me crazy. The anxiety it caused only to find nothing then almost feeling disappointed that I found nothing really hindered my own recovery. It's like an addiction. I got to the point where I just had to let it go. I also came to realise that I would never know the full truth and details about his EA. And I have let it go also. To be honest I'm glad I didn't see any of their Txts. 
Surely there just comes a point where you just have to try and let it go for your own mental health? Are you still snooping because you think he is still cheating? Or do you just want to find out everything you can about the affair? If its the latter then I think we have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will never know everything we need to know to satisfy us, so where does it stop? Does it matter who sent the first txt or email? We all know these these Affairs usually start out as friendly banter and often snowball within days. 
You need to stop torturing yourself honey or tell him that you need to know every detail or you done.
Good luck x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Snowflake said:


> I am thinking of asking him to delete sent emails right in front of me .I don't want to do this I want him to have to ,as long as they are there its hurting me .


Ask him to do it and tell him why. There's no shame in telling him it hurts you. If he loves you it shouldn't matter to him.
Why has he still got them anyway?
How long ago did the A end snowflake?


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> The best thing I ever did was give up snooping. It was driving me crazy. The anxiety it caused only to find nothing then almost feeling disappointed that I found nothing really hindered my own recovery. It's like an addiction. I got to the point where I just had to let it go. I also came to realise that I would never know the full truth and details about his EA. And I have let it go also. To be honest I'm glad I didn't see any of their Txts.
> Surely there just comes a point where you just have to try and let it go for your own mental health? Are you still snooping because you think he is still cheating? Or do you just want to find out everything you can about the affair? If its the latter then I think we have to resign ourselves to the fact that we will never know everything we need to know to satisfy us, so where does it stop? Does it matter who sent the first txt or email? We all know these these Affairs usually start out as friendly banter and often snowball within days.
> You need to stop torturing yourself honey or tell him that you need to know every detail or you done.
> Good luck x
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are right ,I don't think he is still cheating ..
I guess I will have to resign to the fact I will never know


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Ask him to do it and tell him why. There's no shame in telling him it hurts you. If he loves you it shouldn't matter to him.
> Why has he still got them anyway?
> How long ago did the A end snowflake?


I don't know why he still has them.
He ended it on Valentines day so nice right ?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

It's all still very raw for you hon. I'm 9 months in from dday and it took me months to stop snooping and getting anxious. It's hell.
Be kind to yourself and understand your emotions are going to be all over the Place for a long time. 
This really is the club nobody wants to be in. Just be gentle on yourself. Feel what you are feeling and know that it is normal.
He needs to do all the heavy lifting now and he is the one that has to earn your trust back. X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> It's all still very raw for you hon. I'm 9 months in from dday and it took me months to stop snooping and getting anxious. It's hell.
> Be kind to yourself and understand your emotions are going to be all over the Place for a long time.
> This really is the club nobody wants to be in. Just be gentle on yourself. Feel what you are feeling and know that it is normal.
> He needs to do all the heavy lifting now and he is the one that has to earn your trust back. X
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks a bunch .I hate that I keep snooping but I just don't know if I can totally stop just yet .
The most I wish I could get myself to do is go snooping on that other social network site .
Ughh its driving me crazy .
I start to all most sign up and then I hit cancel .

He seems to be remorseful as much as I can tell .
I am gonna just ask him to delete the sent email ,if he says no then I will know he is not remorse full .
I could do it but rather he do it ,if you know what I mean .

Yeah I hate this "club"


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Snowflake said:


> I think you are right ,I don't think he is still cheating ..
> I guess I will have to resign to the fact I will never know


Will this not be rug sweeping?


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> Will this not be rug sweeping?



I don't know


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