# Embracing Singlehood



## bandit.45

I am done with relationships. Done with love. Done with women. Done with dating. 

I'm done with disappointment, done with heartbreak, done with dashed hopes, done with romance. 

DONE with all of it. 

I am looking forwards to bachelorhood for the rest of my life. 

Anyone feel the same?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Yup

There's so much more to life then being weighed down by relationships


----------



## bandit.45

Thank you. I'm not bitter actually. In fact I made this decision with a good frame of mind. 

I'm tired of living for other people. Time to live for myself for a change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

A good relationship should never involve living for someone else. You SHOULD live for yourself regardless of whether someone else comes into the picture.


----------



## bandit.45

EnjoliWoman said:


> A good relationship should never involve living for someone else. You SHOULD live for yourself regardless of whether someone else comes into the picture.


Amen sister.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lenzi

Wow what a negative post. 

My post divorce life these past 6 years has been filled with many wonderful women, long and short term relationships and more dates than I can count. 

I've had great times with lots of different woman and am currently with a girl now for a year and a half and things are going great.

I'd never get married again, I'd never comingle finances again and I refuse to be taken advantage of by anyone ever again, whether it's a girlfriend or someone I know as a friend or acquaintance. I enjoy my independence, I live alone in my condo (with my dog), but I'd consider cohabitating again down the line. 

So yeah, I'm a bit "on guard" and yes I'm bitter from a long, ugly divorce, but there's no way I'd miss out on one of the most enjoyable things in life, and no I'm not just talking about a nice rack.


----------



## doubletrouble

Have in the past. Then met W. Then she cheated on me. I dunno, I always want a woman in my life, but when I've been alone, I've been pretty happy, too. Just have a few FWBs along the say and die alone. It sometimes sounds pretty attractive. 

*sigh* But I'm in love, and at 55 it's the first real love I think I've ever felt. So here I am, trying to get over the pain, so we can get to the really good stuff. Then only one of us will die alone.


----------



## Vega

*Raises hand* Female here...

I feel similarly. Been with too many men who seem to have an arrogant attitude towards women...who don't have the maturity of humility...who treat marriage as if it's nothing more than legalized slavery (for the woman)...who have no problem cheating on a woman, as if it's their "birthright" to do so...

I've witnessed too many women who have no issue with 'stealing' someone's partner, even if that person is married...who use their sexuality for gain, only to treat the man like DIRT once she's "gotten" him...who seem to put more value on whether the man will buy her a 3.5 carat diamond ring than whether or not he's patient and kind...

Our lives can be FULL without so-called 'intimate' relationships. I can be _happy_ by working, paying my bills, taking care of my pets, going to church, going bowling, reading, writing, going to church, having lunch or dinner with a friend, traveling and spending time with my (grown) children. 

Notice how I didn't mention sex? I don't even WANT sex. Sex seems to _complicate_ relationships. At least, for ME. 

Like you Bandit, I'm not "bitter". I feel very 'grounded' in my decision. 

It's a very _peaceful_ feeling. 

Vega


----------



## Vega

EnjoliWoman said:


> A good relationship should never involve living for someone else. You SHOULD live for yourself regardless of whether someone else comes into the picture.


If you're going to live for "yourself", _even if you're in a relationship_, then what's the POINT of being in a relationship? 

I think the reason WHY relationships end is because too many people want to "live for themselves".

ETA: My last relationship was with a man who had this 'philosophy'. He _cheated_ because he was 'living for _himself_'.


----------



## bandit.45

Vega said:


> If you're going to live for "yourself", _even if you're in a relationship_, then what's the POINT of being in a relationship?
> 
> I think the reason WHY relationships end is because too many people want to "live for themselves".
> 
> ETA: My last relationship was with a man who had this 'philosophy'. He _cheated_ because he was 'living for _himself_'.


There has to be a balance. You cannot allow your identity to be absorbed into your SO like he|she is an amoeba. That's the mistake so many hurt posted on TAM made, and now so many are "finding" themselves again. Well, why the heck did you lose yourself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Middle of Everything

Being single for awhile might be just what you need.

After that, rethink the way you "pick" women. I dont know your history, but maybe you keep making the same "wrong" picks in the women you get involved with. :scratchhead:


----------



## Vega

bandit.45 said:


> . There has to be a balance. You cannot allow your identity to be absorbed into your SO like he|she is an amoeba.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, I agree! And, at the same time, you can't be TOO independent so that the only room you have for your spouse in your life is for sex and some light conversation. Your spouse would start to feel USED in very short order. (BTDT!)

Unfortunately, many people have NO IDEA what it means to have 'balance' in their relationships, or HOW to go about doing it. They are sold on the idea of either being totally enmeshed (being "one") with their spouse or nearly completely _independent_ of them. Neither concept works for the long haul.


----------



## Decorum

I want to check in early before this gets to 500 pages, ha ha.

I think singlehood can be a healthy lifestyle, but be careful to just not hide in a group of alpha dudes.

I would not want to live a life without some obligation, some effort to help others, some situation that helps me identify selfishness in my life, and pushes me to grow, even at this stage of life.

Take care Bandit.

Btw does 45 stand for your favorite caliber?


----------



## bandit.45

Middle of Everything said:


> Being single for awhile might be just what you need.
> 
> After that, rethink the way you "pick" women. I dont know your history, but maybe you keep making the same "wrong" picks in the women you get involved with. :scratchhead:


I've picked good ones and bad ones. I haven't given up on women. I adore women. I've given up on the mandate. It comes down now to asking myself whether or not I want to keep making the financial and emotional investment when the odds for a favorable return diminish each year I get older. I look at relationships and I look at living just for myself and, I'll tell you, the pendulum is swinging farther towards independence each passing year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Decorum said:


> I want to check in early before this gets to 500 pages, ha ha.
> 
> I think singlehood can be a healthy lifestyle, but be careful to just not hide in a group of alpha dudes.
> 
> I would not want to live a life without some obligation, some effort to help others, some situation that helps me identify selfishness in my life, and pushes me to grow, even at this stage of life.
> 
> Take care Bandit.
> 
> Btw does 45 stand for your favorite caliber?


Yeah .45 long colt is my fave pistol cartridge. 

I'm very pro-marriage. I believe in it. Just not for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## badbane

bandit.45 said:


> I am done with relationships. Done with love. Done with women. Done with dating.
> 
> I'm done with disappointment, done with heartbreak, done with dashed hopes, done with romance.
> 
> DONE with all of it.
> 
> I am looking forwards to bachelorhood for the rest of my life.
> 
> Anyone feel the same?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yea usually when people say this is when the best version of them comes out and bam a woman comes along.


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> I've picked good ones and bad ones. I haven't given up on women. I adore women. I've given up on the mandate. It comes down now to asking myself whether or not I want to keep making the financial and emotional investment when the odds for a favorable return diminish each year I get older. I look at relationships and I look at living just for myself and, I'll tell you, the pendulum is swinging farther towards independence each passing year.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do you integrate women into the new format that you are growing torward.


----------



## treyvion

badbane said:


> yea usually when people say this is when the best version of them comes out and bam a woman comes along.


Why does a woman coming along have to be a negative event?

I'm not sure why it can't add heavily to the equation.


----------



## unbelievable

I'll save you a place at Rancho Viagra in sunny Costa Rica. The beer is cold, and the women are warm. Bring your hog leg but you'll have to check it behind the bar. We'll be running a safe, respectable place of 
ill-repute.


----------



## waiwera

I believe fully loving someone is one of the most scary and vulnerable feeling things we ever do in life.

The more you love them the more power they have to hurt you.

It's all part of being human though... we take risks when we bond with others.


----------



## Middle of Everything

bandit.45 said:


> I've picked good ones and bad ones. I haven't given up on women. I adore women. I've given up on the mandate. It comes down now to asking myself whether or not I want to keep making the financial and emotional investment when the odds for a favorable return diminish each year I get older. I look at relationships and I look at living just for myself and, I'll tell you, the pendulum is swinging farther towards independence each passing year.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not to be a jerk but are you sure you've picked good ones? If you have and they have passed away I apologize. 

Not sure if you've said before, but how many serious relationships and/or marriages has it been? 

If its been a decent number, its stands to reason, either you get scared and sabotage the relationship, or you are finding the wrong women.


----------



## ntamph

Lighten up bandit, I'm not even THIS bitter.


----------



## Caribbean Man

I don't think he's being bitter.
Absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to be single either for a while or for the foreseeable future.
A man is supposed to live by _his_ own well thought out convictions.
I have more respect for a man who lives by his convictions than a man who constantly tries to please everybody , but himself .


----------



## hookares

I understand giving up marriage. However what one finds out quickly after "giving up dating", is there's a reason why you've puzzled out why people never listened to what you had to say unless things were so screwed up, that nobody wanted to put their name on a solution for fear of being blamed as the cause.
This is when you start having nobody to talk to but yourself.
I gave up the dating part for about four months before I stopped talking to myself.


----------



## ntamph

Caribbean Man said:


> I don't think he's being bitter.
> Absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to be single either for a while or for the foreseeable future.
> A man is supposed to live by _his_ own well thought out convictions.
> I have more respect for a man who lives by his convictions than a man who constantly tries to please everybody , but himself .


I know, I was mostly joking .

I can see his point. I have had thoughts like this. I'm almost 30 and I've seen a dramatic change in women my age. They are more friendly and interested in giving a guy a chance.

However, I'm not stupid and know that this is because they are aging and are running out of eggs at this age. They need a safe husband. But they really aren't attracted. They've just been knocked down a few steps because they are not hot young coeds anymore. 

Many men have posted about how much easier it is for men after 30s and 40s. But a woman will never love with the same purity when she's 30, 40 or 50 than she did at 15 or 20. She has to be grateful for what she can get. I don't think that changing so much because of aging is really love.


----------



## Forever Changed

bandit.45 said:


> I am done with relationships. Done with love. Done with women. Done with dating.
> 
> I'm done with disappointment, done with heartbreak, done with dashed hopes, done with romance.
> 
> DONE with all of it.
> 
> I am looking forwards to bachelorhood for the rest of my life.
> 
> Anyone feel the same?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with you 100%. Same here.

I mean look at the 'dating' scene these days. Red Flags. Fitness Tests. Yellow Flags. Dealbreakers. The Game. Alpha. No doormats etc etc etc. 

I've been thinking that behind all this, how can you be yourself? You have to watch every word and action to attract a potential new mate.

And then, when you are in a 'relationship'. You have to keep us this hard, hard work.

Who could be bothered. Too much work for this guy anyway.

I'm not bitter, and neither are you. It's just too damned difficult.


----------



## calvin

You got fvcked over by the same woman twice,I can see why ou feel the way you do.
You're gun shy,I dont blame you.
I believe if it happend to me again I'd feel the same...for awhile.
I would'nt need a woman in my life but I'd want someone to come home to,someone
next to me in bed at night.
When the right girl comes along I bet you'll change your mind,at least I hope so.
Youre protecting yourself from more pain,I get that.
Hang in there bro.
I know there are women who have been burned like you have out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Middle of Everything said:


> Not to be a jerk but are you sure you've picked good ones? If you have and they have passed away I apologize.
> 
> Not sure if you've said before, but how many serious relationships and/or marriages has it been?
> 
> If its been a decent number, its stands to reason, either you get scared and sabotage the relationship, or you are finding the wrong women.


Well one bad marriage and a total of two more serious relationships. 

Look I'm not knocking marriage, dating or romance at all. You will be hard pressed to find a guy who loves the female species more than me. I totally dig women. I am not a women hater by any stretch. I love the way they look, sound, feel and taste. I like their intelligence and sass. Most I've met are way smarter than me. 

But I just suck at making relationships work. Like playing golf: my long game is good but my short game blows. I can smoke the ball off the tee but I choke when I hit the approach, and my putt sucks. I bogie every time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

So. Don't play.


----------



## Middle of Everything

Forever Changed said:


> So. Don't play.


I disagree. Work on that short game. Its the most important part of your game anyway. :smthumbup:


----------



## calvin

I don't think its you,it might be the type youre attracted to.
For me besides the physical looks,it seemed I'd pick ones that needed
help or saving some how.
How fvcked up is that?
Give it time dude,youre not much further from D day than me and 
you had to go through it twice.
There are a few things I like about being single but only a few.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

You're attitude is very positive. Good to see.


----------



## Forever Changed

Calvin,

What are the positives of being in a relationship exactly?


----------



## calvin

Forever Changed said:


> Calvin,
> 
> What are the positives of being in a relationship exactly?


 Damn it,you had to call me out on that.
How the hell do I put this?
I love watching Bears games with CSS,we get excited,loud and rowdy.
Similar interest are almost a must.Doing things for eachother,pleasing eachother
without expecting anything in return.
Having her there for me when life throws some really bad sh!t at you.
I can let my guard down and be my real self,laying on her lap and getting head massage.
We encourage eachother,we have eachothers backs.
Its just lovebeng that close to another woman like that,knowing in her eyes
I'm a hero to her.
We can go out and have a lot of fun together.
I dont need her to live but life is a lot better with her around.
Also,the dishes,washing clothes,making supper....... 
Companionship.
Just seems life would be kinda hollow,I know you count on yourself
for your own happiness but I'm not sure thats always true.
I have a couple friends that are single and thats the way they want it.
Nothing wrong with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lenzi

Forever Changed said:


> Calvin,
> 
> What are the positives of being in a relationship exactly?


Is Calvin the only TAM member qualified to answer that question?

Sure hope not.

Here's a few positives:

-Having someone to lean on, to vent to, to bounce things off of such as daily problems and decisions
-Safe, comfortable, familiar sex
-Having someone who understands and cares about you and how you're feeling
-Someone who can cook for you- sure beats bachelor food
-Someone who can help you pick out clothes that actually look good on you and are in fashion (I've struggled in this area)
-A reliable activity partner with whom you can do fun things (assuming you're both a good match in that area and share a lot of similar interests).


----------



## Forever Changed

Ok then. I shall answer the following.

-Having someone to lean on, to vent to, to bounce things off of such as daily problems and decisions

- Lean on yourself, work through problems and decisions yourself.

-Safe, comfortable, familiar sex

- This is what the Internet is for. 

-Having someone who understands and cares about you and how you're feeling

- Again, be your own person who 'understands' you. 

-Someone who can cook for you- sure beats bachelor food

- Learn to cook for yourself. Easy one. 

-Someone who can help you pick out clothes that actually look good on you and are in fashion (I've struggled in this area)

- Research fashion and check out what other men are wearing. Ie, in magazines etc. 

-A reliable activity partner with whom you can do fun things (assuming you're both a good match in that area and share a lot of similar interests). 

- Be your own activity partner.


----------



## calvin

Jee,thanks lenzi
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

Eh. Just thought I'd throw it out there Miss F.


----------



## Forever Changed

The benefits of being single is that you can do what you want, when you want. You can come and go as you please. You don't have to bow down to anyone. You can spend your money as you wish. You don't have to 'work' you ass off every day to maintain said relationship. You can do whatever you want, at any time.

Edit: Sorry Bandit, I've come in and taken over. Sorry about the derailment!


----------



## lenzi

Forever Changed said:


> The benefits of being single is that you can do what you want, when you want. You can come and go as you please. You don't have to bow down to anyone. You can spend your money as you wish. You don't have to 'work' you ass off every day to maintain said relationship. You can do whatever you want, at any time.


I'm in a committed relationship- not married, and we live apart.

I have an independent life, I manage my own finances, and do not "bow down" to anyone (whatever that means).

I make more than enough money to get by very comfortably on my own but thankfully so does she, so there's no financial drain as I've experienced in my marriage and in other relationships with mostly post divorce women who were almost broke. 

I have all the benefits you mention above, plus all the benefits of being in a relationship.

They are not mutually exclusive. Not until you get married, comingle your financials, and have children.


----------



## lenzi

Forever Changed said:


> - Lean on yourself, work through problems and decisions yourself.
> 
> - This is what the Internet is for.
> 
> - Again, be your own person who 'understands' you.
> 
> - Learn to cook for yourself. Easy one.
> 
> - Research fashion and check out what other men are wearing. Ie, in magazines etc.
> 
> - Be your own activity partner.


I do tackle problems and make decisions on my own, however it's nice to get another perspective, another way of looking at things, perhaps alternative solutions I haven't considered.

The internet for safe sex? Um.. no thanks. 

After 50 years, I think I have a good handle on myself however my girlfriend has this uncanny ability to point things out about myself that I might not be aware of. It's quite helpful!

I don't want to learn to cook for myself, I'd rather have my meals prepared by a woman who enjoys cooking for me. 

No interest in researching fashion magazines. Rather have her go with me and tell me what looks good on me. 

I have no problem doing activities myself, I do them all the time, however having someone to share these things with is often more enjoyable.

So yes, most of your alternatives are ok, but not preferable. I prefer being in a relationship because your "being single alternatives" are not nearly as appealing.

And that's what this thread is all about.


----------



## unbelievable

I don't know if I can articulate exactly what I get from my wife but I do know I don't feel right without it. She's a screwed up hot mess but she's my screwed-up hot mess and that kinda makes all the difference.


----------



## that_girl

I DO!!!

I just want to have friends and my kids and my space and my time.


----------



## that_girl

unbelievable said:


> I don't know if I can articulate exactly what I get from my wife but I do know I don't feel right without it. She's a screwed up hot mess but she's my screwed-up hot mess and that kinda makes all the difference.


Yea. That's called codependency and all that. lol.
Not knockin it but you didn't know what to call it.

I am learning how to remove myself from the cycle of it all.


----------



## Forever Changed

Lenzi, I meant the Internet sites. Not actually meeting in person. Sorry about that.


----------



## calvin

I put in long hours on the mill,I dont really mind.
She appreciates the hell out of me,its a good feeling.
Like I said,nothing wrong with being single either,had a lot of fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unbelievable

that_girl said:


> Yea. That's called codependency and all that. lol.
> Not knockin it but you didn't know what to call it.
> 
> I am learning how to remove myself from the cycle of it all.


I wonder if Hallmark makes a co-dependency card.


----------



## that_girl

I wouldn't doubt it! LOL


----------



## lenzi

unbelievable said:


> I wonder if Hallmark makes a co-dependency card.


They sell them in 2 packs. You fill out one for your partner and one for yourself that you give to your partner to give back to you.


----------



## Forever Changed

Hahahahahahaha


----------



## bandit.45

Forever Changed said:


> The benefits of being single is that you can do what you want, when you want. You can come and go as you please. You don't have to bow down to anyone. You can spend your money as you wish. You don't have to 'work' you ass off every day to maintain said relationship. You can do whatever you want, at any time.
> 
> Edit: Sorry Bandit, I've come in and taken over. Sorry about the derailment!


Not at all. I like what I'm hearing. Keep going.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I'm not coming from the direction of bitterness at all. I have had a mostly damn good life and I'm in a good place. No complaints. 

I'm looking forwards to being a social monk. Like a Friar. Except I won't wear that dumb to robe or shave the top of my hair out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## deejov

Aw, how about just shaving the bottom part of your hair out?? No one is going to see you, so why not experiment!!!

Glad to hear from you.


----------



## Forever Changed

The best thing about Embracing Singlehood is the knowledge that you will protected from heartbreak forever.


----------



## bandit.45

What I would like to do is work on developing healthy friendships with women, devoid of romance or sex. 

God that sounds lame but I don't know any other way to say it. It would be nice to meet a nice gal and just be buds without expectations of anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

deejov said:


> Aw, how about just shaving the bottom part of your hair out?? No one is going to see you, so why not experiment!!!
> 
> Glad to hear from you.


Every time I have tried hair modification it has backfired. 

I shaved my pubes once and that was a flipping disaster..... But I won't dredge that epic fail back up again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Forever Changed said:


> The best thing about Embracing Singlehood is the knowledge that you will protected from heartbreak forever.


That is definitely one major plus.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

This is going to sound grim but it's the truth.

In the end, they always walk. Always. Without fail.


----------



## bandit.45

lenzi said:


> They sell them in 2 packs. You fill out one for your partner and one for yourself that you give to your partner to give back to you.


Ha ha ha ha ha! LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Forever Changed said:


> This is going to sound grim but it's the truth.
> 
> In the end, they always walk. Always. Without fail.


Not true in most cases. Just with the eternally cursed like us. LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

Yeah that's it man. But never forget we are not victims, we are survivors.


----------



## deejov

It's not lame. It's very inspiring.

Not manscaping is not inspiring to those who share the swimming pool with you ").


----------



## bandit.45

deejov said:


> It's not lame. It's very inspiring.
> 
> Not manscaping is not inspiring to those who share the swimming pool with you ").


Hey I wear long trunks. No speedos.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## wise

Hey, one of the many perks of the single life is getting to leave the toilet seat up. Before my current relationship, it use to be a key quality. Nothing better than taking a piss half awake and walking off.


----------



## bandit.45

wise said:


> Hey, one of the many perks of the single life is getting to leave the toilet seat up. Before my current relationship, it use to be a key quality. Nothing better than taking a piss half awake and walking off.


Oh man you are dead on. Hell, I took the damn lid off mine and I got one of those commercial seats with the opening at the front. It's dude heaven.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

Forever Changed said:


> The best thing about Embracing Singlehood is the knowledge that you will protected from heartbreak forever.


In my experience we're never protected from heartbreak.I tried embracing being single,but though I never remarried I have had a few long term relationships.Do you remember the old intro song for Candid Camera? "When you least expect it,you're elected...".That's the way life is sometimes...we don't go looking for it and say we're better off without it,then voila,there it is.I'm never surprised anymore by what comes out of the blue.


----------



## bandit.45

TBT said:


> In my experience we're never protected from heartbreak.I tried embracing being single,but though I never remarried I have had a few long term relationships.Do you remember the old intro song for Candid Camera? "When you least expect it,you're elected...".That's the way life is sometimes...we don't go looking for it and say we're better off without it,then voila,there it is.I'm never surprised anymore by what comes out of the blue.


I think that's the way we should live. Don't look for it or even hope for it. Just live your life as best you can. Then if love enters your life you embrace it. 

All I'm really saying is I am no longer actively looking. Or trying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> I think that's the way we should live. Don't look for it or even hope for it. Just live your life as best you can. Then if love enters your life you embrace it.
> 
> All I'm really saying is I am no longer actively looking. Or trying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You probably wasn't looking before until you got sucked in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

treyvion said:


> You probably wasn't looking before until you got sucked in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sluuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrp!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

My first thought if 'love enters your life' would be: What's your agenda?


----------



## Forever Changed

TBT said:


> In my experience we're never protected from heartbreak


But yes we can be, if you keep your heart locked, and locked good with chains, ropes in a 6 foot walled thick titanium safe!


----------



## Decorum

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah .45 long colt is my fave pistol cartridge.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course what was I thinking? Due respect! Due respect! (been an active shooter with 45ACP, my beloved 1911, and I sleep much better knowing its there, thank you). 

Shooting it's little brother gives me a sense of history.

"God made men, but Sam Colt made them equal".



bandit.45 said:


> I'm very pro-marriage. I believe in it. Just not for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I get it. With the advent of children, and if things go right marriage is a multi-generational commitment. Even if it's co-parenting after divorce.

Do you mine if I ask? (and I have to admit to not having read the subsequent posts yet, sorry if it's been covered).

Is this in response to a recent relationship that ran it course in your life? In other words are you committing to something or committing not to do something?

Sorry if I am being too nosy. I do wish you well. Take care!


----------



## bandit.45

I recently relapsed in my alcohism. I spent three weeks in rehab and during that time I dug out alot of demons that have been hounding me since childhood. Ugly ones that I buried and wanted to forget. Going through subsrquent therapy made me question my relationships, what motivated them, and I am discovering I have alot of codependent traits that ended up clouding my judgement and keeping me in relationships far longer than I needed to be. 

I guess my uncovering of all those old traumas have alot to do with my decision to just be alone and get to know myself and just try to be a better all around person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Vega said:


> If you're going to live for "yourself", _even if you're in a relationship_, then what's the POINT of being in a relationship?
> 
> I think the reason WHY relationships end is because too many people want to "live for themselves".
> 
> ETA: My last relationship was with a man who had this 'philosophy'. He _cheated_ because he was 'living for _himself_'.


Your last relationship was with a selfish bastard, not someone living for himself. Someone living for themselves lives with integrity.

Maybe I'm too literal. I live because I WANT to. I would not curl up and die if someone I loved moved on.

I see relationships as an analogy of two people holding hands walking. You are not walking IN their footsteps, following like a servant. You are walking beside them, in tandem, linked. You have your own path, they have theirs. If you diverge too much from one another you have to let go of their hand. You have gone too far in your own direction; your path took you elsewhere. The POINT of being in a relationship is the sharing of going in the same direction, sharing life from a similar, but not identical perspective. 

If one falls while holding hands, the other should help pull them up. (Being supportive during tough times.) Sometimes they pull the other person down. (Like two people with bad tempers where no one is willing to compromise.) Sometimes if they won't get back up, eventually you have to keep walking alone. (Mental illness or a pending divergence where you finally have to move on for your own well being.)

So you cannot LIVE FOR someone else. You live WITH someone else in your life, walking the same path beside you.


----------



## chillymorn

I see no reason to be in a marriage after a divorce.

having a relationship is a different story though. but when one wants to be married late in life its for security and alot of people male and female alike are just good enough to get married and then all bets are off.

by staying just as a couple each person is responcible for them selves and has to make the grade or suffer the ramifications of being irresponcable.

In my mind marriage is for raising a family if no kids are in the picture why in the heck would any one want to be married.

too much fall out if a break up happens and we all know marriage has a huge failure rate.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Good for you,Bandit. I hate to see people in relationships when they really don' t want to be part of a relationship.It gives relationships in general a bad name when all you see are ones full of people who would rather be single.

Good for anyone who is mature enough to stand up and say they don't want a relationship. I prefer the honesty of these people instead of the ones dragging relationships through the mud by sticking in a bad one just bc "it's what we're supposed to do."


----------



## gloriagloria

Forever Changed said:


> I agree with you 100%. Same here.
> 
> I mean look at the 'dating' scene these days. Red Flags. Fitness Tests. Yellow Flags. Dealbreakers. The Game. Alpha. No doormats etc etc etc.
> 
> I've been thinking that behind all this, how can you be yourself? You have to watch every word and action to attract a potential new mate.
> 
> And then, when you are in a 'relationship'. You have to keep us this hard, hard work.
> 
> Who could be bothered. Too much work for this guy anyway.
> 
> I'm not bitter, and neither are you. It's just too damned difficult.


^^^ This.

Single for >15 years after getting married very young to a man who cheated/abused.

Decided to try dating, went on many dates, then met the best man I've ever known. Turns out I am not 'over' stuff that happened almost two decades ago. Trying SO HARD to be in a relationship with him, and feel like I'm failing in many aspects. 

I find myself wondering if I'm simply unfit for committed romantic relationships.


----------



## Convection

bandit.45 said:


> I think that's the way we should live. Don't look for it or even hope for it. Just live your life as best you can. Then if love enters your life you embrace it.
> 
> All I'm really saying is I am no longer actively looking. Or trying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is the key right here, brother, and I know just how you feel. I am perfectly happy living my life as on my own and always have been. I was lucky enough to stumble into my wife, who was a complementary factor, not a requirement, to my happiness. If she ever left, it would be hard for a while but I know I'd be okay, because my life is mine, not hers. I wasn't looking for a relationship when I found her and I won't be seeking it again. If it happened again, swell. If not, that's okay too.

All the TAM tropes apply here: let go of outcomes, you can only control you, etc. If that's the path on which you are headed with your life, you will have tons of good company!


----------



## bfree

bandit.45 said:


> Thank you. I'm not bitter actually. In fact I made this decision with a good frame of mind.
> 
> I'm tired of living for other people. Time to live for myself for a change.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That should be true even if you are in a relationship.


----------



## bfree

EnjoliWoman said:


> Your last relationship was with a selfish bastard, not someone living for himself. Someone living for themselves lives with integrity.
> 
> Maybe I'm too literal. I live because I WANT to. I would not curl up and die if someone I loved moved on.
> 
> I see relationships as an analogy of two people holding hands walking. You are not walking IN their footsteps, following like a servant. You are walking beside them, in tandem, linked. You have your own path, they have theirs. If you diverge too much from one another you have to let go of their hand. You have gone too far in your own direction; your path took you elsewhere. The POINT of being in a relationship is the sharing of going in the same direction, sharing life from a similar, but not identical perspective.
> 
> If one falls while holding hands, the other should help pull them up. (Being supportive during tough times.) Sometimes they pull the other person down. (Like two people with bad tempers where no one is willing to compromise.) Sometimes if they won't get back up, eventually you have to keep walking alone. (Mental illness or a pending divergence where you finally have to move on for your own well being.)
> 
> So you cannot LIVE FOR someone else. You live WITH someone else in your life, walking the same path beside you.


That's a great way of looking at things.


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> What I would like to do is work on developing healthy friendships with women, devoid of romance or sex.


That doesn't sound healthy at all. One of the reasons some of the guys aren't "friends" and "buddy buddy" with females is all of them would expect this, and then their sex rank signal tanks, and all they are good for is being that buddy but if she wants some pipe, she will call someone else good for that.



bandit.45 said:


> God that sounds lame but I don't know any other way to say it. It would be nice to meet a nice gal and just be buds without expectations of anything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nothing wrong with it at all. I wouldn't make it your target, because you just may not be having sex.


----------



## treyvion

ScarletBegonias said:


> Good for you,Bandit. I hate to see people in relationships when they really don' t want to be part of a relationship.It gives relationships in general a bad name when all you see are ones full of people who would rather be single.
> 
> Good for anyone who is mature enough to stand up and say they don't want a relationship. I prefer the honesty of these people instead of the ones dragging relationships through the mud by sticking in a bad one just bc "it's what we're supposed to do."


Even if your single, you can't $hit on or violate your friends very often.


----------



## Disenchanted

Welcome to MGTOW my friend.

NO MA'AM - YouTube


----------



## bandit.45

gloriagloria said:


> ^^^ This.
> 
> Single for >15 years after getting married very young to a man who cheated/abused.
> 
> Decided to try dating, went on many dates, then met the best man I've ever known. Turns out I am not 'over' stuff that happened almost two decades ago. Trying SO HARD to be in a relationship with him, and feel like I'm failing in many aspects.
> 
> I find myself wondering if I'm simply unfit for committed romantic relationships.


This is where I'm at.


----------



## bandit.45

treyvion said:


> That doesn't sound healthy at all. One of the reasons some of the guys aren't "friends" and "buddy buddy" with females is all of them would expect this, and then their sex rank signal tanks, and all they are good for is being that buddy but if she wants some pipe, she will call someone else good for that.


Can't lay pipe anymore anyways. My ED is so bad the only thing that gets stiff in my levis anymore is my pocket knife. 



> Nothing wrong with it at all. I wouldn't make it your target, because you just may not be having sex.


Meh. I'm barely even interested in sex anymore. Too much work and grief. I'm not into porn, and I hate strip clubs, so... looks like sports TV and Minecraft for me now.


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> Can't lay pipe anymore anyways. My ED is so bad the only thing that gets stiff in my levis anymore is my pocket knife.
> 
> 
> 
> Meh. I'm barely even interested in sex anymore. Too much work and grief. I'm not into porn, and I hate strip clubs, so... looks like sports TV and Minecraft for me now.


How the hell did your ED get that bad? Is it a physical or mental anomoly? Do you care to care?

Porn is not a better outlet than a live person.


----------



## deejov

Bandit,
I have a huge amount of respect for you. To lay it out there, honestly. I don't know many men that would. Ego has left the building, in more ways than one.

I can only say that I can offer compassion for what you are going through, looking deep inside is tough painful work. Kudos. Most people never do it. So you've already gained. Peace.


----------



## bandit.45

treyvion said:


> How the hell did your ED get that bad? Is it a physical or mental anomoly? Do you care to care?
> 
> Porn is not a better outlet than a live person.


As a matter of fact I'm going to a heart clininc this afternoon for stress tests. Its probably blood pressure related. 

Never been into porn. Always preferred the real thing.


----------



## bandit.45

deejov said:


> Bandit,
> I have a huge amount of respect for you. To lay it out there, honestly. I don't know many men that would. Ego has left the building, in more ways than one.
> 
> I can only say that I can offer compassion for what you are going through, looking deep inside is tough painful work. Kudos. Most people never do it. So you've already gained. Peace.


Thanks. 

Even though this is a marriage forum, I think there has to be others on this board who have come to the same empasse in life that I have, and are faced with the same decision of never remarrying, or only remarrying if the absolute perfect person comes along.


----------



## deejov

Yeah. Me. Because I'm CD and I lose myself otherwise.


----------



## bunny23

I don't know if I'm done with love in general, but I think I'm done getting married and want to start focusing on my life. Like going to school (finally).

I would also like to move out of the state and live somewhere near water.. take charge of my own life, and possibly even adopt a child as a single mother.

Basically I'm done believing that I can trust anyone else with my future- which is where I was in the beginning until I met my ex.
I have lost so much of myself.


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> As a matter of fact I'm going to a heart clininc this afternoon for stress tests. Its probably blood pressure related.
> 
> Never been into porn. Always preferred the real thing.


Fix yourself so that your drive and desire for sex and ability to perform is at a reasonable rate.

I think your going to do the following:

1. Kill and reduce the stress, with your doctors assistance. 
2. Get weight under control if it is not
3. ED meds to help bridge you until you don't need them
4. Engage in sexual activity with non-threatening and supportive sexual partners
5. If you are single, do some chase activities with the purpose of sex. It lets your brain "feel like aman".
6. Diet and excercise
7. Limit or moderate smoking and/or alcohol both are bad for erections
8. Get yourself to a descent sex rate, even if you don't "feel like it". I say 2 times per week is a good initial goal.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Even though this is a marriage forum, I think there has to be others on this board who have come to the same empasse in life that I have, and are faced with the same decision of never remarrying, or only remarrying if the absolute perfect person comes along.


I felt this way.Just so incredibly DONE with people in general and especially relationships.
It was so amazing being alone and so f***ing HAPPY!!


Then mr.close-to-perfect had to come along with his close-to-perfect self and ruin my plans to never marry again


----------



## jorgegene

I was single for close to 25 years and very happy. I quit love after a bitter disengagement in my 20's and decided to be single. I mean really single, no dating, no sex, nothing.

I was really quite happy. I was never really lonely. I had plenty of friends and sometimes hung around married people or couples without any problems. People accepted me, and never really questioned me except on very rare occasions, people who didn't really know me, just @#$holes that would make comments.

I wasn't lonely, didn't need sex, had a good life. I could do whatever I wanted and be wherever the HE#l i wanted to be.
The only time I was unhappy was when I had to go to a party, or get together, everybody else had dates or spouses and that sucked. I'd try to get through the evening and get the hell out.
But that was maybe 4-5 times a year if that.

So what happened? I rediscovered women at 50, and fell in love.
I've been with women ever since, and I'm happy but sometimes I miss that single life. I wouldn't go back, but it wasn't bad at all.


----------



## Caribbean Man

bandit.45 said:


> As a matter of fact I'm going to a heart clininc this afternoon for stress tests. Its probably blood pressure related.


Are you a smoker?


----------



## treyvion

jorgegene said:


> I was single for close to 25 years and very happy. I quit love after a bitter disengagement in my 20's and decided to be single. I mean really single, no dating, no sex, nothing.
> 
> I was really quite happy. I was never really lonely. I had plenty of friends and sometimes hung around married people or couples without any problems. People accepted me, and never really questioned me except on very rare occasions, people who didn't really know me, just @#$holes that would make comments.
> 
> I wasn't lonely, didn't need sex, had a good life. I could do whatever I wanted and be wherever the HE#l i wanted to be.
> The only time I was unhappy was when I had to go to a party, or get together, everybody else had dates or spouses and that sucked. I'd try to get through the evening and get the hell out.
> But that was maybe 4-5 times a year if that.
> 
> So what happened? I rediscovered women at 50, and fell in love.
> I've been with women ever since, and I'm happy but sometimes I miss that single life. I wouldn't go back, but it wasn't bad at all.


I don't know how you would willingly go that long sexless
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

bandit.45 said:


> I recently relapsed in my alcohism. I spent three weeks in rehab and during that time I dug out alot of demons that have been hounding me since childhood. Ugly ones that I buried and wanted to forget. Going through subsrquent therapy made me question my relationships, what motivated them, and I am discovering I have alot of codependent traits that ended up clouding my judgement and keeping me in relationships far longer than I needed to be.
> 
> I guess my uncovering of all those old traumas have alot to do with my decision to just be alone and get to know myself and just try to be a better all around person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is such an honest answer I can only be humbled by it.

We have a lot in common with the co-dependence, but I have been able to work on it while married because my wife is a decent person and did not go the way of your wife. ( I don't believe your wife's behavior is related to your co-dependence, other than expecting you to be passive about her actions) No offense, we have been close to divorce more than once, but you know what I mean.

BTW
Have you had you bold sugar checked?

Take care!


----------



## southbound

I have to admit, I haven't read every post, but i agree that a person can enjoy being single without being bitter. I have. 

Someone asked, what's the positives of being in a relationship. At 45 and divorced, I have asked myself that same question. I suppose it boils down to how strongly you don't like being alone. I know that some people can't stand being alone, at least not for any length of time. Others rather enjoy it; that's me.

After being divorced, I have discovered that I enjoy being without a relationship better that i realized before. I do what I want, when i want. I spend my money like I want, and everything else like I want. 

The thing is, I'm a very logically minded person; I don't like drama at all. I like people to act their age and be mature. i don't know anyone today that doesn't like at least a little touch of drama.

I'm sure everyone's jaw will drop and claim, "my spouse doesn't do drama, my relationship is wonderful." Well, I guess that explains it, all the drama people live where i do.


----------



## treyvion

southbound said:


> I have to admit, I haven't read every post, but i agree that a person can enjoy being single without being bitter. I have.
> 
> Someone asked, what's the positives of being in a relationship. At 45 and divorced, I have asked myself that same question. I suppose it boils down to how strongly you don't like being alone. I know that some people can't stand being alone, at least not for any length of time. Others rather enjoy it; that's me.
> 
> After being divorced, I have discovered that I enjoy being without a relationship better that i realized before. I do what I want, when i want. I spend my money like I want, and everything else like I want.
> 
> The thing is, I'm a very logically minded person; I don't like drama at all. I like people to act their age and be mature. i don't know anyone today that doesn't like at least a little touch of drama.
> 
> I'm sure everyone's jaw will drop and claim, "my spouse doesn't do drama, my relationship is wonderful." Well, I guess that explains it, all the drama people live where i do.


What about the sex part or when you want to be close to a member of the opposite sex?


----------



## southbound

treyvion said:


> What about the sex part or when you want to be close to a member of the opposite sex?


I'm not sure i can explain in a way that will satisfy, but I'm doing fine without it. When I was married, I considered it a major part of a relationship, but now that I'm not, i don't worry about it much. I don't think it's worth all the crap and giving up the freedom I'm enjoying now. 

As I wrote before, if someone could act mature and be drama free, it would be fine, but having to jump through the hoops of dating and playing all the games that supposedly lead to attraction just doesn't appeal to me right now.


----------



## bandit.45

treyvion said:


> Fix yourself so that your drive and desire for sex and ability to perform is at a reasonable rate.
> 
> I think your going to do the following:
> 
> 1. Kill and reduce the stress, with your doctors assistance.
> 2. Get weight under control if it is not
> 3. ED meds to help bridge you until you don't need them
> 4. Engage in sexual activity with non-threatening and supportive sexual partners
> 5. If you are single, do some chase activities with the purpose of sex. It lets your brain "feel like aman".
> 6. Diet and excercise
> 7. Limit or moderate smoking and/or alcohol both are bad for erections
> 8. Get yourself to a descent sex rate, even if you don't "feel like it". I say 2 times per week is a good initial goal.


Good list. I'll mull it over. Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

southbound said:


> I'm not sure i can explain in a way that will satisfy, but I'm doing fine without it. When I was married, I considered it a major part of a relationship, but now that I'm not, i don't worry about it much. I don't think it's worth all the crap and giving up the freedom I'm enjoying now.
> 
> As I wrote before, if someone could act mature and be drama free, it would be fine, but having to jump through the hoops of dating and playing all the games that supposedly lead to attraction just doesn't appeal to me right now.


This thread is gold. You absolutely nailed how I feel. I wish I could triple-like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Decorum said:


> That is such an honest answer I can only be humbled by it.
> 
> We have a lot in common with the co-dependence, but I have been able to work on it while married because my wife is a decent person and did not go the way of your wife. ( I don't believe your wife's behavior is related to your co-dependence, other than expecting you to be passive about her actions) No offense, we have been close to divorce more than once, but you know what I mean.
> 
> BTW
> Have you had you bold sugar checked?
> 
> Take care!


Thank you for that. I'm going to therapy once a week with a brilliant therapist. This guy has been around since Vietnam and he knows ALL the angles. He doesn't let me get away with anything. 

That guy has split me open like a fish and is showing me all the uglies in my psyche. It has been disturbing and liberating. I should have done this years ago. 

I had a stress test and bloodwork done today. We shall see what it uncovers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Good luck Bandit.45.


----------



## bandit.45

treyvion said:


> What about the sex part or when you want to be close to a member of the opposite sex?


I'll just rent a Harley.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## southbound

treyvion said:


> What about the sex part or when you want to be close to a member of the opposite sex?


 I've said many times over the years that sex is what makes the difference in a relationship. In other words, if someone was LD and not very interested in sex, why be in a relationship? Why not just hang out will pals all your life? Why marry someone hoping sex will be no big deal? My wife was LD, not that I'm a raging HD, but she was really LD. 

If a guy goes around giving the impression they need to get in a relationship to fulfill their sexual needs, they are somehow a pig, especially in most women's eyes; however, start giving the impression that you are happy being single, and one of the first questions everyone wants to know is what you do about sex.

As I said, however, now that I'm not in a relationship, I don't give it much thought.


----------



## treyvion

southbound said:


> I've said many times over the years that sex is what makes the difference in a relationship. In other words, if someone was LD and not very interested in sex, why be in a relationship? Why not just hang out will pals all your life? Why marry someone hoping sex will be no big deal? My wife was LD, not that I'm a raging HD, but she was really LD.
> 
> If a guy goes around giving the impression they need to get in a relationship to fulfill their sexual needs, they are somehow a pig, especially in most women's eyes; however, start giving the impression that you are happy being single, and one of the first questions everyone wants to know is what you do about sex.
> 
> As I said, however, now that I'm not in a relationship, I don't give it much thought.


How in the world can be expecting sex and intimacy in a relationship being a pig?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

That's just female ASD.


----------



## southbound

treyvion said:


> How in the world can be expecting sex and intimacy in a relationship being a pig?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not to me, but it seems many others feel that way, my x wife included.


----------



## bandit.45

Well, I think I have found a cure for the lonliness part of my bachelorhood. 

A guy I work with is moving out of state and cannot take his hog with him. He's going to sell it to me for a steal. 










What do you guys think? She has low miles and runs like a charm. I think she would make an adequate replacement for a girlfriend.


----------



## Disenchanted

do it

I've decided on a Ducati.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> do it
> 
> I've decided on a Ducati.


Ducatis are sweeeeeeet 

I came close to buying a Triumph Speed Triple last year. Too much power for this puss though. That bike was scary.


----------



## Disenchanted

I like it cause there is no back seat

Those Triumphs are freakin crazy powerful.

MUAHAHAHAHA


----------



## Disenchanted

Also she said long ago "you can get a boat when we're divorced" so that's on the list too.


----------



## LostViking

Disenchanted said:


> Also she said long ago "you can get a boat when we're divorced" so that's on the list too.


*"when we're divorced*...

Isn't it amazing what we give up to please the women in our lives? I had a beautiful 1982 Triumph Bonneville T140 that I had completely restored and spent upwards of $3,500, above what I paid for it, to get it running good again. It ran like a Swiss watch and I rode all through grad school here in the states and every weekend after I started my career. 

I LOVED that bike. 

Then when I marrried my second wife she asked me to sell it because she was afraid I would get in a wreck. Looking back I wish I had kept the bike and gotten rid of her. 

Since my divorce I have looked for the same bike for years but T140s are hard to find in good condition.


----------



## calvin

Get it Bandit,then pick me up for a ride.
Some of the guys at work say there is nothing like jumping on their bike
And going for a ride to clear their mind,especially if they had a tussle with their
Wife or gf,guess its good therapy.
I need to get one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I like it cause there is no back seat
> 
> Those Triumphs are freakin crazy powerful.
> 
> MUAHAHAHAHA


Oh man, seriously... that Triumph about tore my arms out of their sockets and I ended up doing a burn-out at a traffic light without meaning to. Nearly ended up packing it in on the median.


----------



## bandit.45

calvin said:


> Get it Bandit,then pick me up for a ride.
> Some of the guys at work say there is nothing like jumping on their bike
> And going for a ride to clear their mind,especially if they had a tussle with their
> Wife or gf,guess its good therapy.
> I need to get one.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Heading to the bank tomorrow to see if I can make it happen.


----------



## Disenchanted

I spent a significant amount of time today looking at Ducatis online.

Thanks Bandit, lol.


----------



## calvin

bandit.45 said:


> Heading to the bank tomorrow to see if I can make it happen.


Good deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Prodigal

Great thread. I've been out of town helping a friend get ready for a major move from Arizona to Nebraska (culture SHOCK!), so I missed this discussion.

I'm not bitter. I'm just done. Don't regret it one. single. bit. 

In fact, my HD was what I attribute to my last failed marriage. If I had been thinking with my rational brain rather than my irrational vagina, I would have remained single. And happily so.

My estranged husband and I are civil and cordial to one another. It is quite civilized, actually. 

However ...

I am enjoying my own space. I don't want to share any longer. Nor do I want to compromise.

Just sign me ....

The Prodigal Child/VERY happy living alone (with my two cats!)


----------



## bandit.45

Prodigal said:


> Great thread. I've been out of town helping a friend get ready for a major move from Arizona to Nebraska (culture SHOCK!), so I missed this discussion.
> 
> *Arizona to Nebraska? Your'e not kidding that's a culture shock. You'll miss the mountains.*
> 
> I'm not bitter. I'm just done. Don't regret it one. single. bit.
> 
> *I hear you. That's where I'm at. I'm not bitter or angry at all. I just don't want to waste my time investing my energies and money into something that only has a 50% chance tops of working out. *
> 
> In fact, my HD was what I attribute to my last failed marriage. If I had been thinking with my rational brain rather than my irrational vagina, I would have remained single. And happily so.
> 
> *So if your'e HD what will you do with the urges? I'm LD now, but I used to be HD, and I can't imagine not having an outlet other than masturbation. That would get old fast. (By the way you don't have to answer that. Just wondering.) *
> 
> My estranged husband and I are civil and cordial to one another. It is quite civilized, actually.
> 
> However ...
> 
> I am enjoying my own space. I don't want to share any longer. Nor do I want to compromise.
> 
> Just sign me ....
> 
> The Prodigal Child/VERY happy living alone (with my two cats!)


Cats? You had me on your side until you mentioned cats.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Cats? You had me on your side until you mentioned cats.


Emergency provisions.

Gotta be prepared.


----------



## bandit.45

So anyways, I filled out the loan app for the Harley today. They said I should hear back in a week. 

Fingers crossed!


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Emergency provisions.
> 
> Gotta be prepared.


:rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

effin awesom dude, good luck!

Im stoked, my mortgage broker found me a loan today, looks like I'm gonna get to keep my house.

I win this divorce, beotch.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I spent a significant amount of time today looking at Ducatis online.
> 
> Thanks Bandit, lol.


This is the one I always liked. A '75 cafe racer.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> effin awesom dude, good luck!
> 
> Im stoked, my mortgage broker found me a loan today, looks like I'm gonna get to keep my house.
> 
> I win this divorce, beotch.


:smthumbup: That's great! What does she get?


----------



## Prodigal

Heck no, I'm not moving to Nebraska ... my friend is. I made a vow to never shovel snow again.

I USED to be HD, now I have no interest. Call it age. Call it menopause. Call it I just don't care. Sex is great. People who want to boink their brains out should go for all the gusto they can get. 

My two cats are pedigreed Cornish Rexes. They think they are dogs. One is walked on a leash. They do not shed. By nature, they do not hiss. And they are great with children.

Cats? Never had them. Never was interested in them. Then I got a Rex. No fur balls. No scratching up the furniture. Both of them no problem being dumped in the tub for a bath.

Yes, I would love to have another dog. But for apartment living, nothing can beat a Rex. 

Still not a cat person? That's okay! I love dogs, birds, reptiles and small mammalian life forms too! LOL!!!


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> :smthumbup: That's great! What does she get?


CS and a $10k car.


----------



## Disenchanted

I am going to buy this....someday


----------



## bandit.45

Prodigal said:


> Heck no, I'm not moving to Nebraska ... my friend is. I made a vow to never shovel snow again.
> 
> I USED to be HD, now I have no interest. Call it age. Call it menopause. Call it I just don't care. Sex is great. People who want to boink their brains out should go for all the gusto they can get.
> 
> My two cats are pedigreed Cornish Rexes. They think they are dogs. One is walked on a leash. They do not shed. By nature, they do not hiss. And they are great with children.
> 
> Cats? Never had them. Never was interested in them. Then I got a Rex. No fur balls. No scratching up the furniture. Both of them no problem being dumped in the tub for a bath.
> 
> Yes, I would love to have another dog. But for apartment living, nothing can beat a Rex.
> 
> Still not a cat person? That's okay! I love dogs, birds, reptiles and small mammalian life forms too! LOL!!!


Sorry, I thought your were moving. Are you in Arizona? 

As for cats, I used to like them when I was a kid, but now I think they are freeloading basturds. 

As for the sex...I still have the interest, but the little soldier just won't stand at attention anymore, so I gave up. 

My blood work is supposed to be done tomorrow and they are supposed to tell me if something is up with me healthwise.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I am going to buy this....someday


:circle: Oooooooooooooooooooh!


----------



## Disenchanted

Disenchanted said:


> CS and a $10k car.


and the two cats hahahaha

I got the dog, though as much as I hate to admit it, she does get to see him once in a while

:lol:


----------



## Disenchanted

Was chatting with a buddy who is getting divorced after 30+ years. He's just had it, no infidelity or anything, just had it with her.

He's got his nice boat. I was telling him my plan to buy a ridiculous motorcycle and then it dawned on me. 

I am not even going to consider another relationship until I have absolutely every phucking toy I want. Beforehand. So nobody can say sh!t about it.

That's my plan.


----------



## krismimo

Hi B,

I read your thread and thought meh not surprised  at least you are not rushing into things.


----------



## lenzi

krismimo said:


> Hi B,
> 
> I read your thread and thought meh not surprised  at least you are not rushing into things.


Yes. Don't do what I typically do when I'm single.. it's happened perhaps a half dozen times in as many years post divorce. I'll find myself at the end of a relationship- usually my decision, and I say to myself "I think this time I'll really take my time, discover myself, enjoy being alone, doing things by myself, and not rush to go meet the next potential girlfriend". Then a few nights will go by, and I'll be somewhat bored, and getting tired of jerking off, so I'll peruse the online dating sights, and then I'll say "well I'll just reactivate my profile and drop her a quick message saying I liked her profile", and then I'll revamp my profile add a few recent pictures, send a message to the girl that got me started, and then while I'm at it, I decide to message a few others. 

Before I know it the weekend is here, and I've got 2 or 3 dates lined up and a few weeks later I'm dating a few women and then a month later I'm in the next relationship.

It just sorta happens.


----------



## jorgegene

treyvion said:


> I don't know how you would willingly go that long sexless
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


sex was never a must for me.

i love sex now, but could live without it if i had to.

i think if you really want to embrace singlehood, you need to be ok without sex. otherwise you are always on the hunt. i hated the dating game. i still do hate it, although i realize it's necessary to begin a relationship. 

some people i realize are not cut out for true singlehood, because sex is too important. but some people can go without sex and embrace true singlehood. i was one of those.

to each their own of course.


----------



## bandit.45

jorgegene said:


> sex was never a must for me.
> 
> i love sex now, but could live without it if i had to.
> 
> i think if you really want to embrace singlehood, you need to be ok without sex. otherwise you are always on the hunt. i hated the dating game. i still do hate it, although i realize it's necessary to begin a relationship.
> 
> some people i realize are not cut out for true singlehood, because sex is too important. but some people can go without sex and embrace true singlehood. i was one of those.
> 
> to each their own of course.


I simply don't desire sex anymore. 

I get my bloodwork results back today or tomorrow. I'm interested to see where my T levels are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous

bandit.45 said:


> *I simply don't desire sex anymore.*
> 
> I get my bloodwork results back today or tomorrow. I'm interested to see where my T levels are.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When men loose a desire for sex, it seems they have no use for a woman any more.. Pretty sad for the older women looking for a stable long term relationship...because of other women's mistreatment .... some of the best men give up on love... I just find it a little sad.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I am done with relationships. Done with love. Done with women. Done with dating.
> 
> I'm done with disappointment, done with heartbreak, done with dashed hopes, done with romance.
> 
> DONE with all of it.
> 
> I am looking forwards to bachelorhood for the rest of my life.
> 
> Anyone feel the same?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm looking forward to bachelorettehood. 

But if I may say, lately it seems as if my cold, black heart is melting some.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!


----------



## alte Dame

I think a lot of this is basic personality and what your comfort level is. I never thought I would marry - just wasn't particularly interested even in thinking about it. I had PLANS for my life.

And then my H came along and basically dragged me into his cave. Thirty-five years later we're here together and I am still in love, but if I suddenly found myself alone? Forget it - I don't believe I'd spend a second actually 'looking for love.'

Life can be wonderful - or not - single or married. I know people who 'can't be alone' and I know that I am not one of those people.

Perhaps you're like me, Bandit. Time will tell, no?


----------



## bandit.45

SimplyAmorous said:


> When men loose a desire for sex, it seems they have no use for a woman any more.. Pretty sad for the older women looking for a stable long term relationship...because of other women's mistreatment .... some of the best men give up on love... I just find it a little sad.


Not all men. Problem with me is I'm still relatively young. I shouldn't be having these problems. Mine should be fixable. 

I think most men would settle for just companionship once they are past their 50s.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

alte Dame said:


> I think a lot of this is basic personality and what your comfort level is. I never thought I would marry - just wasn't particularly interested even in thinking about it. I had PLANS for my life.
> 
> And then my H came along and basically dragged me into his cave. Thirty-five years later we're here together and I am still in love, but if I suddenly found myself alone? Forget it - I don't believe I'd spend a second actually 'looking for love.'
> 
> Life can be wonderful - or not - single or married. I know people who 'can't be alone' and I know that I am not one of those people.
> 
> Perhaps you're like me, Bandit. Time will tell, no?


Maybe. For now I just don't need it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Here is how I look at it. It is not good for some one healthy and cute as you to have low T's something is amiss good thing you are getting your blood looked at. However even if you do have low t and you get that resolved I'am not saying you to have plow the next thing you see either it is more of a health perspective that I'm looking at it.


----------



## calvin

Hope you get the bike Bonehead,I really think it would be good therapy.
You don't like cats? They're fun!
You can do a lot with cats,take them for a bike ride,you don't need a side car.
Good idea to have the T levels checked,you should still be a horn dog.
I wonder if the sex thing has something to do with all the crap you went through,
I mean you are a perfectly normal perv.
Get the bike,get a cat and take pottery classes and you'll be fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

SimplyAmorous said:


> When men loose a desire for sex, it seems they have no use for a woman any more.. Pretty sad for the older women looking for a stable long term relationship...because of other women's mistreatment .... some of the best men give up on love... I just find it a little sad.


I am 36 and ho absolutely zero, and I literally mean zero desire for sex. I'm am being completely honest here when I say that I don't care if I never have sex again. Ever. This is a permanent thing now. I don't even look at girls anymore. There's just nothing there. 

Sure, I get horny from time to time (but this is very, very rare) so I visit the internet.

SA - "They have no use for a woman any more". You hit the nail on the head there. 100% correct.


----------



## treyvion

Forever Changed said:


> I am 36 and ho absolutely zero, and I literally mean zero desire for sex. I'm am being completely honest here when I say that I don't care if I never have sex again. Ever. This is a permanent thing now. I don't even look at girls anymore. There's just nothing there.
> 
> Sure, I get horny from time to time (but this is very, very rare) so I visit the internet.
> 
> SA - "They have no use for a woman any more". You hit the nail on the head there. 100% correct.


What if you lost your "hunger" for eating... You could go days, and notice that you don't feel hungry. Over weeks, your body would begin to waste away.

I don't think if BEFORE you became in this new state of not wanting sex and not wanting to look at females that you would have thought it was acceptable.

You need to reverse the course of this, because it is not a healthy psychological state. My guesstimation is you've been beat down by bad relationships and your mentality has been altered.

Break out of it!


----------



## bandit.45

alte Dame said:


> And then my H came along and basically dragged me into his cave. Thirty-five years later we're here together and I am still in love, but if I suddenly found myself alone? Forget it - I don't believe I'd spend a second actually 'looking for love.'


I now have this image of your hubby literally dragging you into a cave by your hair. :rofl:


----------



## Forever Changed

Yes my mentality has been changed competely (hence my user name). Sex is not a basic human need like food, shelter, warmth etc. There's simply nothing there, like I said. Zilch.

I haven't had any for a couple of years now. Don't care. God's honest truth.


----------



## bandit.45

krismimo said:


> Here is how I look at it. It is not good for some one healthy and cute as you to have low T's something is amiss good thing you are getting your blood looked at. However even if you do have low t and you get that resolved I'am not saying you to have plow the next thing you see either it is more of a health perspective that I'm looking at it.




Thanks Kris. I'm keeping my options open. 

I just got off the phone with the cardiology lab. My blood work is not done yet, but she said they haven't found anything really bad....yet. My stress test and EKG were clear, so that's good news. 

The only test I'm scared of is the metabolyte test. No result back yet. That's how they can tell you have blockages now. If I have metabolytes that indicate artery blockage then they will call me back in to do a dye test and maybe a nuclear test.


----------



## bandit.45

Forever Changed said:


> Yes my mentality has been changed competely (hence my user name). Sex is not a basic human need like food, shelter, warmth etc. There's simply nothing there, like I said. Zilch.
> 
> I haven't had any for a couple of years now. Don't care. God's honest truth.


Wouldn't be a bad idea though to at least get yourself checked and have a full blood panel done.


----------



## bandit.45

calvin said:


> Hope you get the bike Bonehead,I really think it would be good therapy.
> 
> *Supposed to hear back by Friday if I got the loan. *
> 
> You don't like cats? They're fun!
> 
> *They're freeloaders. *
> 
> You can do a lot with cats,take them for a bike ride,you don't need a side car.
> 
> *I could stuff one in the saddlebag I guess*.
> 
> Good idea to have the T levels checked,you should still be a horn dog.
> 
> I wonder if the sex thing has something to do with all the crap you went through,
> 
> I mean you are a perfectly normal perv.
> 
> *That's the thing that's weird..I am a perv. I have the dirtiest mind of anyone I know but no juice to act on it. *
> 
> Get the bike,get a cat and take pottery classes and you'll be fine.
> 
> *Pottery?
> 
> Pottery?*
> 
> :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> Wouldn't be a bad idea though to at least get yourself checked and have a full blood panel done.


My thing is, before you went through this... Would it have been acceptable for you to completely lose your desire for sex and for the opposite sex?

My guesstimation is for 99% of us, the answer is NO. It doesn't matter what you go through, no one goes into it knowing that they want this part of them stripped out and diminished.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Forever Changed said:


> I am 36 and ho absolutely zero, and I literally mean zero desire for sex. I'm am being completely honest here when I say that I don't care if I never have sex again. Ever. This is a permanent thing now. I don't even look at girls anymore. There's just nothing there.
> 
> Sure, I get horny from time to time (but this is very, very rare) so I visit the internet.


Why do you feel this is? Did you EVER have a sex drive, did women hurt you so bad you have repressed your drive...what is the history.... just curious...I think many of the sensitive NICE guys get BURNED relentlessly by women...and they get out of the game...

I married a NICE MAN, he is a sensitive man, heck he gave up on women before he met me...stopped bothering with them..even today, he tells me if I died, he wouldn't go pursuing anyone....he'd just live for the kids.... he loves sex... but he thinks the majority are too high maintenance, too much drama... not me of course.. (I do have my moments though )....


----------



## Forever Changed

A full blood panel? I don't even know what that is. 

Oh yes SA, I was once a healthy man with a high sex drive. You know, a normal fellow. Not anymore.

Bring on celibacy!


----------



## treyvion

Forever Changed said:


> A full blood panel? I don't even know what that is.
> 
> Oh yes SA, I was once a healthy man with a high sex drive. You know, a normal fellow. Not anymore.
> 
> Bring on celibacy!


That's some quitter talk.


----------



## Forever Changed

A quitter? No.

There's simply no desire, no lust, absolutely nothing there! Heck I don't even THINK about s-e-x anymore. And I am 100% truthful here.


----------



## bandit.45

treyvion said:


> My thing is, before you went through this... Would it have been acceptable for you to completely lose your desire for sex and for the opposite sex?
> 
> My guesstimation is for 99% of us, the answer is NO. It doesn't matter what you go through, no one goes into it knowing that they want this part of them stripped out and diminished.


I would say no. 

But this problem has been creeping up on me from long before my divorce. 

I used to get hard as a rock, until I hit 40; I've noticed both my drive and my erectile strength have diminished greatly just over the last year. That's why I think its a T problem. Also I think I may be suffering from a bit of depression. My counselor in treatment said she thought I seemed depressed. So that may play a factor too. 

But you are right Trev, there is nothing "normal" about a total lack of sex drive. Something is broke, either mentally or physically.


----------



## Forever Changed

Bandit, if you don't mind me asking - have you tried Viagra?

I will tell you that if you go on SSRI's it will make it way worse.

And could you expand on why you think there is nothing normal about a total lack of sex drive?


----------



## bandit.45

Forever Changed said:


> A full blood panel? I don't even know what that is.
> 
> Oh yes SA, I was once a healthy man with a high sex drive. You know, a normal fellow. Not anymore.
> 
> Bring on celibacy!


Okay....so....

Look at the below pic. 










This does nothing? No twitching in the testicles at all?


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Forever Changed said:


> A quitter? No.
> 
> There's simply no desire, no lust, absolutely nothing there! Heck I don't even THINK about s-e-x anymore. And I am 100% truthful here.


 You keep saying this but you have yet to engage us to the why's... :sleeping:

At least bandit.45 here is giving a truckload of reasons to why he feels as he does...depression, possible T levels..."disappointment, done with heartbreak, done with dashed hopes, done with romance"...

*Give us some DIRT *Forever changed !


----------



## bandit.45

Forever Changed said:


> Bandit, if you don't mind me asking - have you tried Viagra?
> 
> I will tell you that if you go on SSRI's it will make it way worse.
> 
> And could you expand on why you think there is nothing normal about a total lack of sex drive?


Yes. Viagra gave me the worst headache I ever had. Serious bad...almost like a migraine. 

I tried Cialis and that worked well. But it didn't affect my libido. Libido and erectyle function are two different things. I want my libido back. 

As for sex drive? Dude you are way too young to be losing your mojo. Either your head is on backwards or you have a health issue. All I'm saying is it never hurts to get yourself looked at. As for dating and celibacy? That's your decision.


----------



## Forever Changed

Yo Bandit. Nothing sorry mate.

SA - My reasons are the same as Bandits. Done with everything.


----------



## bandit.45

Forever Changed said:


> Yo Bandit. Nothing sorry mate.
> 
> SA - My reasons are the same as Bandits. Done with everything.


Well, if Johansen's smile and mammalian uppercarriage don't do anything for ya, then you are indeed a true celibate. 

That's alright man. You don't have to be attached to live a fun and enjoyable life. 

What about hobbies? Pastimes? 

Are you a workaholic dedicated to your career?


----------



## Forever Changed

Yeah I've been a musician since a I was a teen. Music is my life. Bass, DJ'ing and singing. Yeah man. Photography, film making, computing and an interest in the wonderful advances in technology in this world we live in.


----------



## Disenchanted

I've suffered pretty severe "emotional problems" when intimate with women since my divorce. Was talking with a buddy about it who went through a pretty rough divorce. He says it gets better. He at one point was alone with a woman and had such trouble he ended up crying and leaving.

You're injured and scarred man, so am I.


----------



## Forever Changed

Yes we are Disenchanted, yes we are. But it matters not.


----------



## calvin

bandit.45 said:


> Okay....so....
> 
> Look at the below pic.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This does nothing? No twitching in the testicles at all?


Boobs....dragging CSS upstairs caveman style.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Disenchanted said:


> I've suffered pretty severe "emotional problems" when intimate with women since my divorce. Was talking with a buddy about it who went through a pretty rough divorce. He says it gets better. *He at one point was alone with a woman and had such trouble he ended up crying and leaving.
> 
> You're injured and scarred man, so am I*.



See this thread... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/117025-there-woman-out-there.html .... It is a question TO WOMEN about believing a broken man can be healed...asked like this >> 

"Is there a woman out there who believes a man can go through a terrible ordeal in a relationship that went bad, and perhaps their loving, their support, their touch over time could bring him back to life, and perhaps a handsome, sharp and intelligent man rises from the carnage of the tear down from a previous situation?"

A variety of answers was given.... I guess it all depends on what type of woman you allow to enter your vulnerability. Not all are worthy so you must be careful. But to believe we are all the same....it's simply not so.


----------



## alte Dame

bandit.45 said:


> I now have this image of your hubby literally dragging you into a cave by your hair. :rofl:


And this is literally what happened:

My at-the-time bf (later my H) asked me to move in with him. Because I was squirrely about this type of permanency, I (ridiculously) said, "OK, but can I do it gradually? Like bring a few things over every week?" He said OK, nodding and smiling.

And then, later that day, while I was on the phone with my hugely blabbermouth sister (the days when the phone was attached to the wall), my now-H went to his lab, got the 'big' van & emptied out my apartment, bringing all my things to his place. When I emerged from the kitchen after my marathon phone call, he proudly declared, "It only took 4 trips!"

And that, as they say, was that. I was good and caught & happily so, it turns out.


----------



## Forever Changed

The very thought of being touched by a woman, let alone sex makes me feel physically ill in my stomach. It's happening now just thinking about it.


----------



## Disenchanted

How about by a man? Lololololol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

Forever Changed said:


> The very thought of being touched by a woman, let alone sex makes me feel physically ill in my stomach. It's happening now just thinking about it.


You've been pushed the wrong direction!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

Disenchanted said:


> How about by a man? Lololololol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lolololol! Nah, man. Hurrrrlll


----------



## bandit.45

I'm just done with the politics of love. The theater of it. The give and take and score keeping. 

I'm not done with women. I like being around women and i would like to try just being friends with a woman. 

Like I said before, I don't refuse love, I just refuse the mandate that I have to have a wife or girlfriend in my life to consider myself complete.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Forever Changed said:


> Lolololol! Nah, man. Hurrrrlll


Uncastrated eunuch?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

Errrrr

LOL


----------



## 2galsmom

I think embracing singlehood is a good thing. Letting go. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't.


----------



## bandit.45

2galsmom said:


> I think embracing singlehood is a good thing. Letting go. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't.


Word....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forever Changed

... to your mother.


----------



## bandit.45

....brother from anotha motha.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Oldrandwisr

Embracing singlehood for me means being able to stand on my own two feet emotionally and financially and to live life to the fullest. It is much lonelier to live with someone who doesn't care, than to live alone.

Even though I married the wrong person more than once, I finally understand where my thinking was off. I didn't take time for introspection back then. 

In the past, I thought I had to have another person for happiness. That has changed. I am content thinking I may be single to the end and am happy now with whatever life brings. But, I have no regrets for the past because it has given me traits such as compassion and appreciation for small things that I may not have had otherwise.


----------



## bandit.45

Great post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2galsmom

Oldrandwisr said:


> Embracing singlehood for me means being able to stand on my own two feet emotionally and financially and to live life to the fullest. It is much lonelier to live with someone who doesn't care, than to live alone.
> 
> Even though I married the wrong person more than once, I finally understand where my thinking was off. I didn't take time for introspection back then.
> 
> In the past, I thought I had to have another person for happiness. That has changed. I am content thinking I may be single to the end and am happy now with whatever life brings. But, I have no regrets for the past because it has given me traits such as compassion and appreciation for small things that I may not have had otherwise.


Very true. :smthumbup:


----------



## Disenchanted

A girl I know shared this fine joke with me:

Money doesn't buy happiness. But money does buy jet skis. 

Now, have you ever seen someone on a jet ski who isn't smiling?

Single = toys for me!


----------



## RandomDude

Sometimes I feel guilty loving my new single lifestyle too much, especially with STBX wanting to try again when I've already given up.

A friend of mine told me that I'm being a bit selfish. Like really? Come on, I still spend time with my mates, I'm still generous and in fact even more so now that I have only one dependent to take care of (my daughter). How am I being selfish?

Simply because I'm not sticking it in anywhere? Bah!

But thankfully most of my other mates are supportive, and glad to see I'm happy moving on.


----------



## 2galsmom

RandomDude said:


> Sometimes I feel guilty loving my new single lifestyle too much, especially with STBX wanting to try again when I've already given up.
> 
> A friend of mine told me that I'm being a bit selfish. Like really? Come on, I still spend time with my mates, I'm still generous and in fact even more so now that I have only one dependent to take care of (my daughter). How am I being selfish?
> 
> Simply because I'm not sticking it in anywhere? Bah!
> 
> But thankfully most of my other mates are supportive, and glad to see I'm happy moving on.


Move on RandomDude and be happy. You are single you might as well like it. How can that be selfish?


----------



## RandomDude

Aye! Don't worry I fully intend to be single and happy 

Only way I can be convinced to be tied down again is if my daughter goes bonkers with our broken home but that's not happening and STBX can't exaggerate such BS to me when I know my little girl. She's my tough little warrior princess!

Sure she misses being a family, but she's tough and will get through it. Besides she no longer has to put up with screams in the middle of the night and having to come out crying because mummy and daddy are at it again.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

2galsmom said:


> Move on RandomDude and be happy. You are single you might as well like it. *How can that be selfish?*


Speaking of the term *selfish* in these regards...I tend to look at life a little backwards in comparison to some...I don't belong on this thread at all.... mind you..

I am the epitome of opposite thinking... some people say if you don't want kids ...you are "*selfish*".... I would say I *wanted kids* because I am "selfish"...as I selfishly enjoy having a family...(I was pissed off when I couldn't conceive -mad at the freaking world)....they brought me happiness.... fulfillment... so I don't think those who don't are selfish, I see them as loosing out (from my own perspective)....

And in this also... I am probably *selfish* for wanting the HIGH ROMANCE of a lasting relationship.. I Think it's great for all of you who don't need this.. but for the life of me, I can not at all relate to your perspective.... But that's OK! 

I'd likely feel like my legs were cut off if I lost my husband - been together since I was 15 yrs old.... I LOVE being "attached"/ having another half... it has always brought me great happiness.

I have a question... do you feel people like myself are WEAK...I am just betting you do..
"Weak and Needy" is what I expect some of you to say.... not that I agree.... I think I am just in touch with myself and what "floats my boat"... I selfishly enjoy Giving to another person. If that makes any sense... this too brings me happiness. 

So the majority of you who embrace singlehood see this as a *burden* / too much "work"... then?


----------



## RandomDude

> I have a question... do you feel people like myself are WEAK...I am just betting you do..
> "Weak and Needy" is what I expect some of you to say.... not that I agree.... I think I am just in touch with myself and what "floats my boat"... I selfishly enjoy Giving to another person. If that makes any sense... this too brings me happiness.
> 
> So the majority of you who embrace singlehood see this as a burden / too much "work"... then?


When I was a hardened young man back in my teens I would have said so. Anything lovey dovey or affectionate I condemned.

Now as a bitter old grumpy old man in my (ahem) late 20s and having experienced the joys (horrors) of married life...

No, I don't think you are weak SA and as a matter of fact I admire you and your commitment to your husband. But as I've realised, meh, it's just not really for me.

I'm better off single (and women are better off too if I stay away! lol)
I could consider my attachment and commitment to my daughter a potential weakness, as she's now the only person who can move me, but I'm not that young man anymore.

I'm old, and just a tiny bit wiser


----------



## chillymorn

I think your depressed. and alittle older.

give it some time see what the dr says and work on getting your $hit together....I know your probley squared away for the most part but take it up a notch. start exercising and eating good.get enough sleep.

on a side note dose that .45 stand for 45 acp??? never had a bad day on the firing range. maybe start a new hobbie or picked up a old one.


----------



## Disenchanted

SimplyAmorous said:


> Speaking of the term *selfish* in these regards........


Not to insult anyone here but this is what I think about your remarks SA.

I think the health of any relationship is just a reflection on the health of the two individuals in the relationship. You can not have a healthy loving relationship if you don't first love yourself.

Speaking just for myself, I have never really loved myself so I can't expect to be honestly and truly loved by anyone else. If I ask it that would be selfish.

In other words, my lack of "emotional health" means that I can really only pair bond with someone else who has the same deficiency. That is a dysfunctional relationship. Unfortunately we all have biological clocks ticking and if you want to have kids and do the whole "American dream" thing sometimes you need to get into a relationship even when you aren't really and truly ready, when you still have unresolved childhood issues etc. A lot of people never resolve their childhood issues and therefor are never fit for a relationship.

I don't want to ever pair bond with someone like that again.

So if I resort to making up for my own internal deficiency by using someone else to prop myself up then yes, that is weak and needy. I have unresolved childhood issues and I now know this. Unfortunately it took infidelity on my x's part to really open my eyes to it.

Embracing being single and alone means learning to love myself for just myself. Not counting on someone else to love me for me. Does that make sense?

I don't want a woman in my life because I am no good for one.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> A girl I know shared this fine joke with me:
> 
> Money doesn't buy happiness. But money does buy jet skis.
> 
> Now, have you ever seen someone on a jet ski who isn't smiling?
> 
> Single = toys for me!


If I can't get the Harley I'm buying a new bass guitar rig.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Sometimes I feel guilty loving my new single lifestyle too much, especially with STBX wanting to try again when I've already given up.
> 
> A friend of mine told me that I'm being a bit selfish. Like really? Come on, I still spend time with my mates, I'm still generous and in fact even more so now that I have only one dependent to take care of (my daughter). How am I being selfish?
> 
> Simply because I'm not sticking it in anywhere? Bah!
> 
> But thankfully most of my other mates are supportive, and glad to see I'm happy moving on.


What is it like to have an exWW beg for you to come back to her? Do you feel vindicated? Your wife cheated on you right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

chillymorn said:


> I think your depressed. and alittle older.
> 
> give it some time see what the dr says and work on getting your $hit together....I know your probley squared away for the most part but take it up a notch. start exercising and eating good.get enough sleep.
> 
> on a side note dose that .45 stand for 45 acp??? never had a bad day on the firing range. maybe start a new hobbie or picked up a old one.


No .45 Long Colt. I get them custom loaded for me and they're hot. Load them right and you can get from cowboy slow at 700 fps to near-.454 Casull velocity at 1,100 fps without excessive chamber pressure. It is a very underutilyzed round because people think it is obsolete. Far from it.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> If I can't get the Harley I'm buying a new bass guitar rig.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've decided that I'm going to learn an instrument myself.

I'm getting a banjo, was inspired by these guys:

"Paranoia In B Flat Major" Music Video - YouTube

My banjo teacher is going to help me pick one out as soon as I get the money saved up.


----------



## stuck on hold

Ahhhhhhh, I just wrote something that could have gone on this post:

When you go from heart ache to just relief. When you are not consumend by what he ( or she ) is doing or thinking. When you dont snoop till your sick to your stomach. When you can finally laugh again . When the thought of being alone and happy far outways the stress of the rollercoaster "relationship". When you dont have all the answers but you no longer care about the questions. When what they do or say or dont do or say doesnt matter. When you stop expecting them to be the person you atleast thought you married. When you see them for who they are and not the person they portrayed themselves to be. When you see just how fake they are. When you no longer feel inferier to this fool. When the curtain is pulled back and all thats standing there is this small desperate poor excuse for a human being whos insecurity is so bad they run and hide when they are finally caught. When the liar is exposed. When you see some shred of light at the end of the tunnel knowing you might not ever be fully recovered but atleast your not in this nightmare anymore...........


----------



## tdwal

bandit.45 said:


> No .45 Long Colt. I get them custom loaded for me and they're hot. Load them right and you can get from cowboy slow at 700 fps to near-.454 Casull velocity at 1,100 fps without excessive chamber pressure. It is a very underutilyzed round because people think it is obsolete. Far from it.


Just don't shoot anybody with a custom round or they will put you away forever.


----------



## Disenchanted

stuck on hold said:


> When you can finally laugh again


I'd settle for this.


----------



## 2galsmom

Disenchanted said:


> I'd settle for this.


Make yourself laugh disenchanted, it is how I survived. Find humor in the darkness and although there are probably times you think you will literally die from the physical and emotional pain that the destruction of a marriage brings, make a joke.


----------



## Disenchanted

I lost my happy. I haven't been happy in so long I doubt I'll ever be happy again. I used to be such a smiley person. Now people ask me "why the long face" when I think I'm smiling.


----------



## stuck on hold

Disenchanged, dont own this. Dont let them not only hurt you by what they did but then take whatever you have left as well. Dont give them everything. Even though they tried to take it all doesnt mean you have to give it all to them. I dont know how long its been for you but I PROMISE you'll look back at some point and not even recognize the person that wrote your post.


----------



## stuck on hold

I say I promise because this is my second time around in this nightmare and while Im at that start of yet ANOTHER disappointment, my first marriage of 14 years helped me see that I'll survivie this one even though it feels like someone punched me in the stomac and left laughing..


----------



## SimplyAmorous

RandomDude said:


> When I was a hardened young man back in my teens I would have said so. Anything lovey dovey or affectionate I condemned.
> 
> Now as a bitter old grumpy old man in my (ahem) late 20s and having experienced the joys (horrors) of married life...
> 
> No, I don't think you are weak SA and as a matter of fact I admire you and your commitment to your husband. But as I've realised, meh, it's just not really for me.
> 
> I'm better off single (and women are better off too if I stay away! lol)
> I could consider my attachment and commitment to my daughter a potential weakness, as she's now the only person who can move me, but I'm not that young man anymore.
> 
> I'm old, and just a tiny bit wiser


 What makes you weak could also make you beautiful.. it's good to be moved once in a while... 

Of course Random Dude... Your reply makes sense to me... so being hurt, lied too, emotionally used/ abused in marriage / relationships / the drama, the unforgiving..etc... can wear anyone down...and it would ME too - unless I had a truck load of Resilience...When Life beats us down like that ..and people... it's the only answer I think...plus having others (friends, some family) to encourage us along the way. We all need some of that, some connection..and hopefully they are healthy connections !



Disenchanted said:


> Not to insult anyone here but this is what I think about your remarks SA.
> 
> I think the health of any relationship is just a reflection on the health of the two individuals in the relationship. You can not have a healthy loving relationship if you don't first love yourself.
> 
> Speaking just for myself, I have never really loved myself so I can't expect to be honestly and truly loved by anyone else. If I ask it that would be selfish.
> 
> In other words, my lack of "emotional health" means that I can really only pair bond with someone else who has the same deficiency. That is a dysfunctional relationship. Unfortunately we all have biological clocks ticking and if you want to have kids and do the whole "American dream" thing sometimes you need to get into a relationship even when you aren't really and truly ready, when you still have unresolved childhood issues etc. A lot of people never resolve their childhood issues and therefor are never fit for a relationship.
> 
> I don't want to ever pair bond with someone like that again.
> 
> So if I resort to making up for my own internal deficiency by using someone else to prop myself up then yes, that is weak and needy. I have unresolved childhood issues and I now know this. Unfortunately it took infidelity on my x's part to really open my eyes to it.
> 
> Embracing being single and alone means learning to love myself for just myself. Not counting on someone else to love me for me. Does that make sense?
> 
> I don't want a woman in my life because I am no good for one.


THank you for this response Disenchanted ...I guess you picked a username that matches where you are... I think it's healthy to be as honest as you are, shows self awareness...even though it's not not a walk in the park to admit these things....I admire your bravery there... You need some *Self compassion* also... and something to believe in...

I was a bit messed up when my husband walked into my life..(I was young though and surely my childhood issues were not as bad)... one thing I was able to do was...I could admit I was angry, and I needed to deal with it... and so I did the best I could... it's kinda like an alcoholic.. if you can stand up & say "I am an alcoholic "....it's the 1st step to overcoming.. So many can't even go there, but make excuses. Here's hoping you make some progress to this end... 

I was in a wedding a couple weeks ago, both the Bride & the Groom gave up on love...she was single for 15 yrs ...used to deny she wanted or needed a man... (I always questioned that one).. she admitted to me it was too hard to admit the truth....because she never believed it would happen.. They both had big insecurities in different ways.. though both pretty nice people.. maybe it was different....I am not sure.. but they got together, and helped lift each other up. 

Don't we ALL have some insecurities?? But maybe a few insecurities is not the same as a torrent of childhood dysfunction that we've tried to rug sweep... 

I feel I always loved myself, I just didn't like other people, my husband would say the same...in fact as nice as he is , one of his common sayings is "I hate people"... with a cracked grin... but both of us had some insecurities in our teen yrs for very different reasons.... We too helped each other..we found acceptance.... We allowed for that vulnerability... We were careful who we gave it too. 

Yes, I suppose one does have to 1st love themselves enough to love another. I wish you well to overcoming - to find wholeness .


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I've decided that I'm going to learn an instrument myself.
> 
> I'm getting a banjo, was inspired by these guys:
> 
> "Paranoia In B Flat Major" Music Video - YouTube
> 
> My banjo teacher is going to help me pick one out as soon as I get the money saved up.


The banjo is a fantastic instrument. Go for it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

2galsmom said:


> I agree stuck on hold. I have my sanity back. I am no longer tiptoeing around my house on weekends worrying about what he will do to my kids or getting yelled at. I no longer have to hear that everything would be alright if I just did EVERYTHING he said the way he says to do it. I no longer have to hear about hotter younger women he works with and allegedly conspiracies from his co-workers to rub her in my face. I no longer have to hear how he is not the President of the company because everyone hates me.
> 
> :sleeping: BORING now, but stressful as HELL when it was happening.
> 
> Now, I am free.


That's awesome. No amount of unhappiness is worth keeping one person over. You made the right choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I lost my happy. I haven't been happy in so long I doubt I'll ever be happy again. I used to be such a smiley person. Now people ask me "why the long face" when I think I'm smiling.


Now that's just silly. You'll get your happiness back. You're just going through a rough patch. 

No more of that stinkin thinkin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Now that's just silly. You'll get your happiness back. You're just going through a rough patch.
> 
> No more of that stinkin thinkin.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have moments of happiness, don't get me wrong, I'm just not _generally happy_ anymore.


----------



## stuck on hold

I have a freind who's husband cheated on her after 19 years. With everything and everyone actually. She spent years single and basically miserable and swearing off men forever. Dating but not caring. Anyway, years later I see her posting pictures of her new love. She's happier then I've ever seen her in 20 years. Gives me hope. 

I , like you dont feel like I'll ever be "happy" again. Just some sort of happy but not the happy I use to be or like to be. Feel like anytime I feel anykind of happy I feel scared right away because I dont think Im suppose to be happy. Each time Im quickly reminded that happy equals disappointment to keep it leveled. However, my friends pictures give me hope that maybe, just maybe there is true happy out there for me. maybe........


----------



## jorgegene

I often ponder my life now, happily married so far and my life of 25 years or so completely single.

I am happier now than then, but I was happy then too. I have gained much, but lost some things. I have gained more than I have lost, but I still do miss some of the single things. Only time will tell.

Marriage doesn't make you happy, single doesn't make you happy.
YOU make you happy.

I wouldn't go back to the single life, having what I have now.

But if something were to happen, I can take solace that I had 25 years of happy singledom.


----------



## Forever Changed

Disenchanted said:


> I have moments of happiness, don't get me wrong, I'm just not _generally happy_ anymore.


Disenchanted,

I know exactly what you mean. Sure I laugh from time to time. But it just doesn't feel the same. It's not true laughter. I reckon the best way to be is 'level' in your head.


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> What is it like to have an exWW beg for you to come back to her? Do you feel vindicated? Your wife cheated on you right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, she didn't cheat on me, but she did break my heart, back when I had a heart to break. As for her raising the white flag, no, I don't feel vindicated really, in fact I pity her, knowing what has happened over the years to lead to this point. But that's as far as my emotions go in that department nowadays.



> What makes you weak could also make you beautiful.. it's good to be moved once in a while...
> 
> Of course Random Dude... Your reply makes sense to me... so being hurt, lied too, emotionally used/ abused in marriage / relationships / the drama, the unforgiving..etc... can wear anyone down...and it would ME too - unless I had a truck load of Resilience...When Life beats us down like that ..and people... it's the only answer I think...plus having others (friends, some family) to encourage us along the way. We all need some of that, some connection..and hopefully they are healthy connections !


True, I would be inhuman if I didn't have a soft spot


----------



## Forever Changed

stuck on hold said:


> I , like you dont feel like I'll ever be "happy" again. Just some sort of happy but not the happy I use to be or like to be. Feel like anytime I feel anykind of happy I feel scared right away because I dont think Im suppose to be happy. Each time Im quickly reminded that happy equals disappointment to keep it leveled. However, my friends pictures give me hope that maybe, just maybe there is true happy out there for me. maybe........


Agreed. I fear that allowing myself to be happy will end badly as you come crashing down sooner or later. 

If we are ever to be happy again, I don't think it will be the same as we once were.

Kinda like a false happy or a pretend happy.

Or something. I don't know.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I have moments of happiness, don't get me wrong, I'm just not _generally happy_ anymore.


Well here's a tidbit.

NO ONE in 2013, with the economy in shambles and the nations moral compass pointed South, is really "happy". 

Sometimes I see elderly people laughing and joking and having a great time and I want to walk over and smack their dentures out, because it bothers me that they grew up and had their families in happier times than we are living in now, and they seem so disassociated with what is happening around them. 

Rant over.


----------



## Disenchanted

I guess the big thing for me is that I want to be a fun guy.

It just doesn't seem to matter what I do, I just never have fun. I'd like to get my fun back!

I go to parties and end up depressed. I talk to people and somehow my divorce always comes up, I'm kind of a downer and now I'm doing it to this thread, lol.

I'd like to be a fun person, fun people are just plain attractive. 

That's why I'm thinking Ducati, jet ski etc. I was going to learn kite surfing over the summer but that got put on hold for various reasons. I got the ski season coming up though, so that'll be fun.

Stuff just isn't fun like it once was. And then when I do find myself having fun I feel guilty cause I can't share it with my kids.

The weirdest thing is I still get anxiety when I'm running late for dinner.

WTF is that? I cook for myself and there is nobody else there!

Life is weird.


----------



## Forever Changed

Yes! The anxiety! I get that too. But in my case, it's a massive rush, rush to get home. But no one is there. I think this fades in time.


----------



## chillymorn

bandit.45 said:


> Well here's a tidbit.
> 
> NO ONE in 2013, with the economy in shambles and the nations moral compass pointed South, is really "happy".
> 
> Sometimes I see elderly people laughing and joking and having a great time and I want to walk over and smack their dentures out, because it bothers me that they grew up and had their families in happier times than we are living in now, and they seem so disassociated with what is happening around them.
> 
> Rant over.


smack their dentures out gives quite the visual.

while I agree that the world seems like a worse place than the golden years of days gone by I also realize that it is what it is and there nothing you can do to change it. and stressing about it won't change anything.

but it will waste valuable time that could be used for other thoughts and activities.

maybe a break for this board would help I know that sometimes this place can make me feel depressed reading everybody's problems and see other good people hurting is f***ing depressing.

so many people on here are just what I would call......good people.and thats worth something knowing that their are good people out there makes thing more tolerable.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I guess the big thing for me is that I want to be a fun guy.
> 
> It just doesn't seem to matter what I do, I just never have fun. I'd like to get my fun back!
> 
> I go to parties and end up depressed. I talk to people and somehow my divorce always comes up, I'm kind of a downer and now I'm doing it to this thread, lol.
> 
> I'd like to be a fun person, fun people are just plain attractive.
> 
> That's why I'm thinking Ducati, jet ski etc. I was going to learn kite surfing over the summer but that got put on hold for various reasons. I got the ski season coming up though, so that'll be fun.
> 
> Stuff just isn't fun like it once was. And then when I do find myself having fun I feel guilty cause I can't share it with my kids.
> 
> The weirdest thing is I still get anxiety when I'm running late for dinner.
> 
> WTF is that? I cook for myself and there is nobody else there!
> 
> Life is weird.


You sure are hard on yourself. Jesus give yourself a break once in a while. 

Have you had yourself psych screened for depression? That may be an issue.


----------



## Forever Changed

Yo Disenchanted. You're right. Stuff simply isn't fun anymore. No inspiration, no drive, no motivation. Because, really, what's the point?

As I said, music is my life. But now, the one thing that gives me some kind of enjoyment is not working for me anymore.

Yes. Life is weird.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> You sure are hard on yourself. Jesus give yourself a break once in a while.
> 
> Have you had yourself psych screened for depression? That may be an issue.


Meh I have lots of ups and downs still. We'll be a year separated next month. I'm just having a down right now I think.

On the depression thing, yeah I don't think so, but if I am then I've been slipping into it only recently. I stay active, sleep fine but not excessively and don't really have any other symptoms.

I'm just trying to come to terms with "singlehood". I've been chasing women since the wife left and it's ended poorly every time so I'm trying to adjust my thinking to "just me" till I'm more healed. Also doing some work that requires me to stop medicating with women and other things, so I am working on myself. 

I've always been a carefree loose cannon free spirit type of guy. Then I became a father and got all this responsibility and whatnot, now I'm trying to identify myself again. I'm not hopelessly forlorn all the time everywhere I go, but not having my kids around every day is tough as hell man.

And I've got my dog.

Thanks!


----------



## Disenchanted

Forever Changed said:


> Yo Disenchanted. You're right. Stuff simply isn't fun anymore. No inspiration, no drive, no motivation. Because, really, what's the point?
> 
> As I said, music is my life. But now, the one thing that gives me some kind of enjoyment is not working for me anymore.
> 
> Yes. Life is weird.


I'm thinking I need a creative outlet and that'll help a lot. Plus I could probably come up with some winning heartbreak songs, lol.


----------



## Disenchanted

Oh no I have a feeling I'm about to get whacked hard in the head with a 2x4.

Wait for it........


----------



## chillymorn

when you lose interest in the things you loved and enjoyed thats a big sign of depression.

keep on truckin time heals all wounds. fight the urge to do nothing and go out and visit with true friends and family thats what their for.

it can and will turn around and happiness will be forth coming.

true failure is the failure to try, make a list of things to do and everyday cross something off. 

crack a beer and smoke a stogie and watch the sun set being excited with what tomorrow might bring.

its the next chapter in everybody's life and it could be the best chapter yet.I know it easier said than done but what do you got to lose. 

good luck everybody. there's good people out there. but be aware of the bad.


----------



## livinfree

Disenchanted said:


> Oh no I have a feeling I'm about to get whacked hard in the head with a 2x4.
> 
> Wait for it........


Betrayal, to a man, is what rape is to a woman. 

Men do take it harder and find trusting women going forward extremely difficult. Particularly as we age what is there that a woman can give a man that is special and vice versa? 

Trust.

Napoleon said glory is fleeting, trust is equally appropriate.


----------



## RandomDude

^ Am I depressed then? Really?

:rofl:


----------



## chillymorn

RandomDude said:


> ^ Am I depressed then? Really?
> 
> :rofl:


not you everybody else......


----------



## krismimo

Ok first of all Dis when you talked about Banjo the first thing that came to mind was the movie deliverance "You sure gotta pretty mouth."


----------



## 2galsmom

You have never been raped my friend. Rape is an act of violence beyond your imagination. 

She betrayed you. It hurts. You choose now to give her and her betrayal the power to continually hurt you. As a victim of rape, yep -I have seen it all people, learn from me.

You take back the power. You choose to not let the act hurt you or alter your life. Nightmares? You wake up and say, well that was just a nightmare I am moving one. You say to yourself, surely not all men are rapists and you press on. Surly not all women will betray you, and in fact millions of women are indeed faithful.

Her betrayal was her choice not yours, you chose how you deal with the consequences of the he act. Give yourself your own strength and make YOUR life about you and not her. Unless of course you are happy with your unhappiness and perhaps . . .


----------



## krismimo

And second you know it's bad when one guy who has had bouts of depression is telling the other to get checked out. Dis it's only been a year? Well no wonder! It seems like you have been going through this much longer, Bandit is right you are way to hard on yourself. 

In my humble opinion I think I know why you're not having fun Dis you mentioned that almost at every party someone brings up your divorce or you do. Well of course your not going to have fun it's like opening a wound without you even realizing it. And on top of that it has only been a year since everything has happened so of course your going through the rough patch. It will get better. I had some dark days myself. I remember when I showed up at work smelling of booze and everyone was looking at me weird I seriously had a Tyler moment (Fight Club) I was angry and confused. I'm happy to be past those days. You will too.


----------



## krismimo

You guys just have to go through the motions, that is all. Same thing happened to me after my ex I was cool on guys for awhile I said to myself you know I don't have to be in a relationship or married to be happy I want to be happy for myself, if it happens it happens if it doesn't that is ok too. I'am not going to stop living because I'm not attached this is my life and I choose what I want to do when I want to do it. 

And then my husband had to come along I wasn't looking for it, I was actually depressed then and sort of coming out of my shell you know that feeling when you break up with someone and little by little you start to get better and it is not quite the same but it's not always that bad either it feels like your sort of in the middle of it all. I can't tell you when but hopefully one day you will wake up and just feel "better" like a huge burden has been lifted. That is happiness you can not fake.


----------



## Disenchanted

livinfree said:


> Betrayal, to a man, is what rape is to a woman.
> 
> Men do take it harder and find trusting women going forward extremely difficult. Particularly as we age what is there that a woman can give a man that is special and vice versa?
> 
> Trust.
> 
> Napoleon said glory is fleeting, trust is equally appropriate.


Not exactly the 2x4 I was expecting, but definitely the carrier of said 2x4.

Thanks for going easy on me LF, lol.


----------



## 2galsmom

You do realize Napoleon is not the dude to be referencing on romantic endeavors, Josephine did not dig him one bit.


----------



## bandit.45

Napoleon had chronic insomnia and a tiny pee-pee.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I'm thinking I need a creative outlet and that'll help a lot. Plus I could probably come up with some winning heartbreak songs, lol.


If you can ever write a song like this one, I'll finance your first album. 

MMJ Bermuda Highway, Citsuoca 3 - YouTube


----------



## bandit.45

Well my blood panels are okay: no diabetes or blood sugar issues. My testosterone level is low but not low enough to worry about. My metabolytes are okay so there are probably no blockages.

But...

My EKG and stress test indicate I got problems with the ticker. They are sending me in for a nuclear test and dye test next week. 

Fvck me...


----------



## jorgegene

bandit.45 said:


> Well here's a tidbit.
> 
> NO ONE in 2013, with the economy in shambles and the nations moral compass pointed South, is really "happy".
> 
> that's a very profound statement that i mostly agree with


----------



## bandit.45

Oh....and my loan for the bike got turned down.

Man I'm glad I'm not in Vegas playing blackjack right now.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> If you can ever write a song like this one, I'll finance your first album.
> 
> MMJ Bermuda Highway, Citsuoca 3 - YouTube


Great song Bandit, but I'm hoping to write something like this:

The Avett Brothers - Shame - YouTube

What a song


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> My EKG and stress test indicate I got problems with the ticker. They are sending me in for a nuclear test and dye test next week.





bandit.45 said:


> Oh....and my loan for the bike got turned down.


Dude, sorry to hear it.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Great song Bandit, but I'm hoping to write something like this:
> 
> The Avett Brothers - Shame - YouTube
> 
> What a song


Oh yeah. Good one. I like those guys.


----------



## chillymorn

bandit.45 said:


> Well my blood panels are okay: no diabetes or blood sugar issues. My testosterone level is low but not low enough to worry about. My metabolytes are okay so there are probably no blockages.
> 
> But...
> 
> My EKG and stress test indicate I got problems with the ticker. They are sending me in for a nuclear test and dye test next week.
> 
> Fvck me...


are they doing a cardiac cath? thats the gold standard for finding heart blockage. they might even baloon or stint you right then and there.

as far a having a heart problem its not as bad as you think there is alot they can do to keep it good. listen to your dr's and all will be good.


----------



## bandit.45

chillymorn said:


> are they doing a cardiac cath? thats the gold standard for finding heart blockage. they might even baloon or stint you right then and there.
> 
> as far a having a heart problem its not as bad as you think there is alot they can do to keep it good. listen to your dr's and all will be good.


Not yet. The dye test will rule those out. Thats where they pump a little barium into your blood and run you through an MRI.

My cardiologist thinks its with my heart itself, not my arteries.


----------



## alte Dame

Good luck with the tests. This type of problem runs in my family and it's good you are catching things now. My brother had a scare like this at age 43 & is now 51 and doing well. I had problems at a young age with arrhythmia, was treated and have been fine for years.


----------



## chillymorn

bandit.45 said:


> Not yet. The dye test will rule those out. Thats where they pump a little barium into your blood and run you through an MRI.
> 
> My cardiologist thinks its with my heart itself, not my arteries.


do you have heart disease in you family history and was i blockage related if so I would insist on a cath.

I'm not a dr but I did sleep at a holiday inn express last night.

stress test using tc 99m only see 80% or better blockage so you could have some narrowing of your artiries and show up go on a stress test.

worth a discussion with you cardioligist.

good luck.


----------



## Decorum

bandit.45 said:


> Well my blood panels are okay: no diabetes or blood sugar issues. My testosterone level is low but not low enough to worry about. My metabolytes are okay so there are probably no blockages.
> 
> But...
> 
> My EKG and stress test indicate I got problems with the ticker. They are sending me in for a nuclear test and dye test next week.
> 
> Fvck me...


Been there done that, Bandit, I'm going to keep you in God's thoughts! 


Btw T4 thyroid test was ok?


----------



## tdwal

bandit.45 said:


> Not yet. The dye test will rule those out. Thats where they pump a little barium into your blood and run you through an MRI.
> 
> My cardiologist thinks its with my heart itself, not my arteries.


I have had a number of the dye tests. Not a big deal. I also have have gone through the cath lab a few times and have a stent, the stress tests stink though, hate them. Your in my prayers.


----------



## tdwal

One other thing kinda funny, when I was in the cath lab for my blockage, they ran this balloon up to the blockage and inflated it. As I am writhing around on the table dying from the pain they asked me if that hurt. When I bellowed out yes the Dr said I guess I found the right place.


----------



## bandit.45

Decorum said:


> Been there done that, Bandit, I'm going to keep you in God's thoughts!
> 
> 
> Btw T4 thyroid test was ok?


Thyroid is good.


----------



## bandit.45

alte Dame said:


> Good luck with the tests. This type of problem runs in my family and it's good you are catching things now. My brother had a scare like this at age 43 & is now 51 and doing well. I had problems at a young age with arrhythmia, was treated and have been fine for years.


I've had arrythmia since childhood. It went away for a while in my teen years but I think it has reared its ugly head again. I'm thinking I may have a defect.


----------



## Decorum

bandit.45 said:


> I've had arrythmia since childhood. It went away for a while in my teen years but I think it has reared its ugly head again. I'm thinking I may have a defect.


Interesting, I had an ablation in 2004 for atrial fibrillation. It lasted until about a year ago, I have been medicated for it for several months looking for another ablation in maybe 90 days.

Pradaxa, Amiodarone, ect I am a walking pharmacy now.

Coming off the Amiodarone because liver enzymes are high and thyroid is low. 

There have been days when crap considers itself unlucky to feel like me.

If your heart rate is under control then the only major risk is a bloodclot and stroke ( its just elevated risk), Pradaxa (blood thinner) is great no inr test and such.

An accelareated heart rate can damage your heart function, so people should see a doctor if they have regular arrhythmia.
(regular arrhythmia, now that's funny)

Often the ablation is a life time fix, I just need it again because I am lucky.

 OMG I have become my grandparents sitting around talking about my aliments... anyone for BINGO?



One of the interesting side affects of Amiodarone is that it can turn you blue with sun exposure, here is a picture of me after a day of hiking, my wife said she had always wanted to have sex with an alien. :rofl:












(No its not really me but it looks a lot like my avatar,  )


----------



## bandit.45

That's creepy. 

I have been told by some doctors who have listened to my heart that it sounds like a choo choo train chugging up a hill. But they tested me pretty good when I was ten or so and the cardiologist back then said it would not hurt me and that I would most likely grow out of it. Then wiredly it disappered when I hit fifteen. 

But it may have subsided a bit when I was in high school because I was playing football and doing track and I was in great cardiovascular shape. 

The heart is a weird engine.


----------



## tdwal

Decorum said:


> There have been days when crap considers itself unlucky to feel like me.


Amen to that.


----------



## alte Dame

Amiodarone is the worst. I was so glad to get off of that - gave me memory issues for a while.


----------



## Decorum

alte Dame said:


> Amiodarone is the worst. I was so glad to get off of that - gave me memory issues for a while.


That would explain it, honestly lately I have been thinking, What the heck am I thinking? Really!

Yeah it is a very sticky drug it gets on every organ.

Btw the blue is not permanent; the blue guy actually has a different condition.

My Dr. said her patients who have the most trouble are farmers who will not wear sunscreen. Leave their arm hanging out the window. It takes some time in the sun to really do it.

And really it shows up on say an elbow or the nose, rings under the eyes etc.

I'm kinda glad to get off it too.


Bandit, I see, it sounds like yours may be valve related or something. Dont know much about that. Still hoping for the best.


----------



## bandit.45

I hope it's not a valve problem. I don't want a zipper.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

What are all you singles doing tonight? I'm going to a movie with work friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> What are all you singles doing tonight? I'm going to a movie with work friends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to chase some tail to to raise your vigor and vitality and zest for life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Spent the night talking with a buddy whose wife was off doing "girl power" BS. Was awesome. 2 guys and a dog, couple of drinks, no women, perfect.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Spent the night talking with a buddy whose wife was off doing "girl power" BS. Was awesome. 2 guys and a dog, couple of drinks, no women, perfect.


Yaaaaaaaay! Grrrrrl POWer!

Yeah, well, the girls can have all the fun they want as long as they stay the hell out of my deer camp. 

:2gunsfiring_v1:


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Yaaaaaaaay! Grrrrrl POWer!
> 
> Yeah, well, the girls can have all the fun they want as long as they stay the hell out of my deer camp.
> 
> :2gunsfiring_v1:


Well it's the equinox, which changes menstrual flow or some crap. Who knows. 

Women, get in your sweat hut thing and leave me alone.


----------



## alte Dame

The equinox does change the menstrual cycle. The PMS rages like crazy. I don't blame any of you guys for running for cover. It's a very real phenomenon and no fun for anyone.


----------



## Disenchanted

Yeah lunar this equinox that.

Give me a spear, meat and a fire.


----------



## alte Dame

Seriously, I have long questioned this free will bs. I have been driven most of my life by forces I can do nothing about. At this time of year all I want is a box of chocolates, a family-sized bag of salt and vinegar potato chips, and a machete.


----------



## larry.gray

that_girl said:


> I DO!!!
> 
> I just want to have friends and my kids and my space and my time.


Hmmm, anybody else wonder if TG and Bandit would make a good couple :rofl:


----------



## larry.gray

bandit.45 said:


> Well here's a tidbit.
> 
> NO ONE in 2013, with the economy in shambles and the nations moral compass pointed South, is really "happy".
> 
> Sometimes I see elderly people laughing and joking and having a great time and I want to walk over and smack their dentures out, because it bothers me that they grew up and had their families in happier times than we are living in now, and they seem so disassociated with what is happening around them.
> 
> Rant over.


I can say for sure 2013 has been the worst year for me ever. But I'm looking forward to the future. I'm in a happy marriage, with a woman I love. Work is not so bad either. 

2014 WILL be better.


----------



## deejov

bandit.45 said:


> That's creepy.
> 
> I have been told by some doctors who have listened to my heart that it sounds like a choo choo train chugging up a hill. But they tested me pretty good when I was ten or so and the cardiologist back then said it would not hurt me and that I would most likely grow out of it. Then wiredly it disappered when I hit fifteen.
> 
> But it may have subsided a bit when I was in high school because I was playing football and doing track and I was in great cardiovascular shape.
> 
> The heart is a weird engine.


This made me chuckle 
I had a zillion heart tests when I was a kid. Faulty valve, something or another. Serious stuff. 

One day... a "smarter" doctor figured it out. I have situs inversus... meaning my heart is on my right side (all my internal organs are transposed, mirror image).

If they all move the stethoscope to the right side of my chest, the choo choo sounds go away! 

I got to have a full body MRI in my early 30'ss. Just cuz some doctor, out of curiosity, wanted to "see". 

I still get to have an EKG yearly, because I'm a juvie diabetic. And I have to go to a certain lab, where they understand how to hook it all up backwards. Geez Loiuse.

Good luck! Stay calm. :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

Whooooaaaaaa!!!! That is both awesome and disturbing! 

I met a guy one time who was a chimera. When he was sixteen he got in a car wreck and broke some ribs. When they took the ches x-ray the doctor about fainted when they found 2 livers, an extra lung, and 3 kidneys. They thought it was a birth defect but one specialist realized what it was. This guy had a twin brother at conception, but instead of splitting off from his brother and becoming a twin HE ABSORBED HIS BROTHER! 

That's fvcked up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## larry.gray

I knew a guy that was one too. He was racially mixed, part Arab and part European. The two twins were quite a bit different in skin and hair color. Part of him was light and part was dark.


----------



## bandit.45

larry.gray said:


> I knew a guy that was one too. He was racially mixed, part Arab and part European. The two twins were quite a bit different in skin and hair color. Part of him was light and part was dark.


Unreal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## missthelove2013

The beauty part is swearing off of relationships does NOT equal celibacy.
I am currently in a very difficult marriage, and I honestly think it's over, but we are trying to wait until our daughter is older. I know many people say NEVER stay together for the kids, but in our case I think it's working.

Its only a matter of time before I finally file, my wife WONT do it. And I can honestly say I WILL NEVER get married again. I will NEVER live with a woman again. And it will take a lot to get me to be in a relationship again...there is nothing I need or want that I can only get from a wife...


----------



## treyvion

missthelove2013 said:


> The beauty part is swearing off of relationships does NOT equal celibacy.
> I am currently in a very difficult marriage, and I honestly think it's over, but we are trying to wait until our daughter is older. I know many people say NEVER stay together for the kids, but in our case I think it's working.
> 
> Its only a matter of time before I finally file, my wife WONT do it. And I can honestly say I WILL NEVER get married again. I will NEVER live with a woman again. And it will take a lot to get me to be in a relationship again...there is nothing I need or want that I can only get from a wife...


So where are you going to get the sex and intimacy from? FWB?


----------



## missthelove2013

treyvion said:


> So where are you going to get the sex and intimacy from? FWB?


absolutely...
Im not saying I wouldnt date...but I would be done with serious monogamous relationships...at least for a long time...:smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

I still haven't quite figured out the sex part. If I do figure out my health issues I know I will have the urges from time to time. But the ONS or FWB stuff has no appeal to me. At least not for now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

treyvion said:


> So where are you going to get the sex and intimacy from? FWB?


There's a whole spectrum of relationships between single and married. I can't see myself ever married again, I'd be leery of living together as well. However, I've been dating a great guy for about 7 months now. We talk briefly most days, see each other once or twice a week and it's great. Having already been married and not interested in procreation, we're very happy with the status quo and don't feel any particular pressure to be moving towards anything other than enjoying the time we spend together. We have sex, we're building intimacy, but don't need to share a name or an address to do it. 

It's frequently made to sound like relationships are an either/or proposition, but they really aren't--there's a whole realm of very satisfying variety in between.


----------



## bandit.45

It would be great if I could find a gal who would be into just getting together on weekends, maybe lunch once a week. No-pressure to ramp it up. Casual no -demand sex. Problem is most gals want to keep ramping up and heading for marriage, OR they like to keep a harem of single guys who they pay the rounds to, and I don't feel like having sex with a woman who has a quiver of five or six sex partners.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

I am probably a bit of an anomaly. I have no biological clock to speak of and took a huge financial hit during my marriage and have no desire to repeat that again, so see very little need or benefit from ramping up for marriage. My guy and I are both firm on the need for monogamy before sex, so it all seems to be working.

I'd say we're out there, but probably a bit hard to find. I think that men usually either run in fear from us or snap us up quick!


----------



## bandit.45

I'd snap one up quick. Most gals here in the Valley of the Sun are looking for the meal ticket unfortunately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Man well no wonder why your'e not all the optimistic I keep forgetting where you are at! Big Hair, fake boobs, and no personalty (not all women down there are like that) but I understand the frustration that comes with it.


----------



## bandit.45

krismimo said:


> Man well no wonder why your'e not all the optimistic I keep forgetting where you are at! Big Hair, fake boobs, and no personalty (not all women down there are like that) but I understand the frustration that comes with it.


The saddest part is that, it's the ones you meet in church that are the worst. I've seen middle aged cougars walk into church wearing miniskirts and tank tops. Their husbands are poor sagging tubby guys and you just know these gals were out the night before clubbing. It's sick. There are women in Scottsdale who are so fake, physically and personality wise, they have Underwriters' Laboratories stickers attached to the back of their necks. 

It's like a whole city full of amoral Stepford Wives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> The saddest part is that, it's the ones you meet in church that are the worst. I've seen middle aged cougars walk into church wearing miniskirts and tank tops. Their husbands are poor sagging tubby guys and you just know these gals were out the night before clubbing. It's sick. There are women in Scottsdale who are so fake, physically and personality wise, they have Underwriters' Laboratories stickers attached to the back of their necks.
> 
> It's like a whole city full of amoral Stepford Wives.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Scottsdale?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## larry.gray

Dang, maybe you are depressed Bandit. The old Bandit would have told me eff-you for that post I made yesterday.


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> The saddest part is that, it's the ones you meet in church that are the worst. I've seen middle aged cougars walk into church wearing miniskirts and tank tops. Their husbands are poor sagging tubby guys and you just know these gals were out the night before clubbing. It's sick. There are women in Scottsdale who are so fake, physically and personality wise, they have Underwriters' Laboratories stickers attached to the back of their necks.
> 
> It's like a whole city full of amoral Stepford Wives.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, it's definitely a different culture down there. Admittedly, I usually try to hit Scottsdale for a long weekend for my birthday--no place better to party, as far as I'm concerned! But not sure it would be a lifestyle I'd want to keep up with year round!


----------



## bandit.45

larry.gray said:


> Dang, maybe you are depressed Bandit. The old Bandit would have told me eff-you for that post I made yesterday.


Yeah I'm getting soft. 

Anyway....fvck off!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

COGypsy said:


> Yeah, it's definitely a different culture down there. Admittedly, I usually try to hit Scottsdale for a long weekend for my birthday--no place better to party, as far as I'm concerned! But not sure it would be a lifestyle I'd want to keep up with year round!


Party world? But your spouse is probably going to cheat on you?


----------



## COGypsy

treyvion said:


> Party world? But your spouse is probably going to cheat on you?


What spouse? Trips to Scottsdale are the best thing ever. You can play golf easily two months earlier than you can here, lay out by the pool and start your tan and there are about a gazillion restaurants, bars and clubs to go to at night--it's a perfect kick off to spring/summer in my book.


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> What spouse? Trips to Scottsdale are the best thing ever. You can play golf easily two months earlier than you can here, lay out by the pool and start your tan and there are about a gazillion restaurants, bars and clubs to go to at night--it's a perfect kick off to spring/summer in my book.


We have some kickass golf courses here. Winter months are the best time. Weather is perfect
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

Don't I know it! I was raised in El Paso and miss the desert more than anything- the colors, the smell, the warmth. It was 45F here this morning and I'm about to start whining about how much longer it will be until summer already!


----------



## treyvion

treyvion said:


> So where are you going to get the sex and intimacy from? FWB?


Yessir


----------



## bandit.45

Well the cardiology lab called. My dye test is Thursday morning. And they already have a surgery center booked if it turns out to be what my cardiologist thinks it is. 

Ugh..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

bandit.45 said:


> Well the cardiology lab called. My dye test is Thursday morning. And they already have a surgery center booked if it turns out to be what my cardiologist thinks it is.
> 
> Ugh..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh man! Well look at it this way better to have a look at you now and if they see something they can do something about it vs something happening to you further down the line.


----------



## COGypsy

Good luck tomorrow Bandit--got my fingers crossed for you!


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Good luck tomorrow Bandit--got my fingers crossed for you!


Thanks Gypsy. Yes I could use everyone's prayers. Hopefully it is something easily fixable. If not I may be gone a while. 

Cheers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## calvin

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks Gypsy. Yes I could use everyone's prayers. Hopefully it is something easily fixable. If not I may be gone a while.
> 
> Cheers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Prayers Brother,update and take care bonehead.
Your a tough guy,you'll be just fine man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Gotcha in my thoughts brother. You're gonna be fine my man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## livinfree

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks Gypsy. Yes I could use everyone's prayers. Hopefully it is something easily fixable. If not I may be gone a while.
> 
> Cheers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You'll be fine bandito


----------



## larry.gray

bandit.45 said:


> We have some kickass golf courses here. Winter months are the best time. Weather is perfect
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Golf? You golf? 

That's your problem right there!

When you see the Vigra TV ads, they tell you at the end "If you have more questions, talk to your doctor or see our full page add in *Golf Digest*."

When you see the Calis ads, they say the EXACT same line!

From that I deduce that golf makes men impotent.


----------



## larry.gray

bandit.45 said:


> Well the cardiology lab called. My dye test is Thursday morning. And they already have a surgery center booked if it turns out to be what my cardiologist thinks it is.
> 
> Ugh..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sending you well wishes, I hope to see you back in good shape!


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Well the cardiology lab called. My dye test is Thursday morning. And they already have a surgery center booked if it turns out to be what my cardiologist thinks it is.
> 
> Ugh..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Keep me posted, Bandito! I went down that very same road back in 1998 and might be able to advise. Please knock on my door if you ever need to talk! You're in my prayers, brother!*


----------



## krismimo

Speedy recovery! Luv you B!


----------



## calvin

Hurry up wuss ball.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## barbados

Much better that the find and fix a problem before you have something serious happens. You are doing the right thing and will get through this fine.

My father ignored his symptoms, never got tested like you did, and suffered a heart attack at 57. He survived, and when they did the catherization afterwards, found he only had 1 blocked artery which they were able to clear with angioplasty. 

He never had to get open heart. Had he just got tested like you have, they would have been able to prevent it altogether. He lived another 20 years, and actually worked to age 74, but his health was greatly affected because of the heart attack. Also, this happened to him 25 years ago, so obviously things are that much more advanced now.

That is why I got a full cardiac makeup just last year. I will be 47 in a few weeks. Did the stress test, blood work, and the dye injection test where they take all the pictures, and also ultrasound. In my case they did not find anything that warranted a cath. test.

Best wishes for you Bandit.


----------



## krismimo

I spoke to Bandit I'm not sure if he wanted me to say anything here or through a personal message he told me what is going on. He is doing ok but he won't be back for a long while. Just keep him in your prayers. Or wish him well in the long run he will be fine, he has/needs to get some things in order. 

-Kris


----------



## larry.gray

Thinking of you Bandito.... hope to see you back and well soon.


----------



## bandit.45

Hey all. My cardiologist is going to try to fix the problem with a new medication first. If it doesn't work then there are some surgery options. I'm safe for now, no immediate danger. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Can I get the number then?


----------



## Disenchanted

Gosh I was just kidding! Glad you're doing okay B45!


----------



## krismimo

YAY!! Welcome back and I will keep crossing my fingers for you hoping you don't need surgery.


----------



## bandit.45

Thanks y'all. 

I started the medication today. Guess what one of the major side effects is?....

Erectile dysfunction. 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr........issed:


----------



## COGypsy

Hey Bandit--
Glad to hear it's not a surgical problem right away. Pharmaceutical side effects are a numbers game. I've admittedly turned down meds because of the liklihood of a particular side effect, but for the most part even the higher rates of incidence spread out to a minimal number over the total population.

That aside--I hope the medicine works out! And I'll expect to hit the links come spring!!


----------



## bandit.45

Spring and fall are the best golfing times in the Valley of the Sun. 

I recommend The Boulders in Carefree, just north of Scottsdale. Expensive but top notch. The links at the Scottsdale Princess are good too. 

I rarely play anymore. Played a lot of golf in HS and college but haven't been serious for years. It's a great game and I do go to the Phoenix Open every other year or so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks y'all.
> 
> I started the medication today. Guess what one of the major side effects is?....
> 
> Erectile dysfunction.
> 
> Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr........issed:


Just great. Your going to find the work around for that, because you have to ensure your proficiency at using your "gun".


----------



## bandit.45

I also have to go on testosterone therapy but the doc doesn't want me doing it get until we get this heart valve situation smoothed out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> I also have to go on testosterone therapy but the doc doesn't want me doing it get until we get this heart valve situation smoothed out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, plan it all out. I'm sure you got a great life ahead of you.


----------



## chillymorn

can you start a mild exercise program or would that be bad for your heart. exercise is good for testosterone.

glad your not in any danger. what did the dr say was the problem?


----------



## bandit.45

chillymorn said:


> can you start a mild exercise program or would that be bad for your heart. exercise is good for testosterone.
> 
> glad your not in any danger. what did the dr say was the problem?


I jog 3 miles a day. Lack of exercise is not a problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Stopping exercise now would be worse in the long run.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

bandit.45 said:


> I jog 3 miles a day. Lack of exercise is not a problem.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does your three mile a day job keep you at a good weight?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## chillymorn

bandit.45 said:


> Stopping exercise now would be worse in the long run.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


weight training help with building your own testosterone.

maybe adding some resisting training would help.


----------



## bandit.45

chillymorn said:


> weight training help with building your own testosterone.
> 
> maybe adding some resisting training would help.


You're right. I need to unpack my weights and start hitting it again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

treyvion said:


> Does your three mile a day job keep you at a good weight?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm a big guy. Big frame. It does keep the weight under control. I'll never be a thin lithe guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## calvin

treyvion said:


> Just great. Your going to find the work around for that, because you have to ensure your proficiency at using your "gun".


I'm sure he'll get his shooting skills back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

calvin said:


> I'm sure he'll get his shooting skills back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For hunting season next month I hope. I went to the range last week and I'm shooting my rifle so bad....the deer have nothing to be afraid if. They're all going to be standing there in a group
laughing at me as my bullets go sailing over and under them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## calvin

My boy is begging me to take him to the range,in a couple weeks and we can
Stay the night at the camp ground.
He's hooked,now he wants to hunt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

The best memories I ever had of my old man is the times we went hunting. Best bonding there is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## calvin

bandit.45 said:


> The best memories I ever had of my old man is the times we went hunting. Best bonding there is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree,same here.
I need to do better on that.
Enjoy your trip bonehead,I envy you right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Hey guys. Thought you would all like to see some pics of my Monument Valley road trip.


----------



## Jellybeans

Wow. Beautiful photos, bandit!


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Wow. Beautiful photos, bandit!


Thanks. I don't have a good camera or they could have been better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## calvin

bandit.45 said:


> Hey guys. Thought you would all like to see some pics of my Monument Valley road trip.


Very cool bro,way different from my stomping grounds where I go camping.
I'd love to spend a couple nights out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## azteca1986

Wow. Phenomenal looking place. I'd love to visit there one day.


----------



## bandit.45

The sky is the best part. It's a very....spritual place. It's one of those places on earth that reminds you of how small and insignificant your life is compared to the progression of time. P
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## calvin

Love to bring my telescope out there,no light pollution.
Hope you had a good time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

calvin said:


> Love to bring my telescope out there,no light pollution.
> Hope you had a good time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You would be in hog heaven. The valley is at 7000 feet and the night skies are very clear.


----------



## calvin

bandit.45 said:


> You would be in hog heaven. The valley is at 7000 feet and the night skies are very clear.


 Think I'm buying a new scope next year.
A much more powerful and accurate one.
I might have sleep in the desert with you with a million starts all around.
Seperate tents of course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I used to have a nice 500 x Meade cassagrain. I sold it a few years back. I wanted to teach myself astronomy but never set aside the time. Wish I had kept it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Meh it's ok I don't see what the big deal is it is just a big a** rock with stuff on it..... lol ok I couldn't do that with a straight face, it is breathtaking very beautiful...


----------



## Disenchanted

Gorgeous. I'd love the night sky there too.


----------



## calvin

Got a 300x Tasco reflector with other lenses and a barrow scope I picked up on the side.
Not bad but twisting the knobs and following stuff is hard,kids dig it.
They are much different now,air bladders that move the scope smoothly and
they even have one that you punch in the cordinates and it will move itself.
They have gotten pretty cheap lately.
Tax refund I get one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

I have this old monster.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I have this old monster.


lol! I almost bought that one!

Meade makes good stuff. 

The hardcore hobbyists make their own. I looked through one that a guy made from a sonotube and a bunch of lenses he got out of old binoculars. HE spent maybe a total of $100 on it. It was spectacular. 

Lots of amateur astronomers here in Arizona.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> The sky is the best part. It's a very....spritual place. It's one of those places on earth that reminds you of how small and insignificant your life is compared to the progression of time. P
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Always a great, humbling feeling!


----------



## bandit.45

This fed shutdown has advantages. People will start going to the more out of the way state and private parks. Should be a boon for the states
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

This article helps me embrace my singlehood.



> What’s worse, 17 percent of respondents said they met their soul mates when it was too late — after they were already paired-off or married.


Awesome. (not)


----------



## bandit.45

Do you believe in soul mates Disenchanted?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Do you believe in soul mates Disenchanted?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The only answer I can give to that is; obviously if there is such a thing, I haven't found mine.

I do believe this though: true love is when your inner child and her (or his) inner child get along with each other.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> The only answer I can give to that is; obviously if there is such a thing, I haven't found mine.
> 
> I do believe this though: true love is when your inner child and her (or his) inner child get along with each other.


Hey that is a good way of looking at it! LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Having a big barbecue with some coworkers at my house today. We're going to watch the Cardinal game. I've got a big carne asada meal cooking. 

Anybody else having a fun Sunday?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## larry.gray

MMMMMM love carne asada. 

Nope, nothing fun like that. Had a lot of fun yesterday though. I love having a kid that can drive and take all of them to grandma's for the weekend.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Having a big barbecue with some coworkers at my house today. We're going to watch the Cardinal game. I've got a big carne asada meal cooking.
> 
> Anybody else having a fun Sunday?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Bandito: If I were in your area, I'd stop by and drop off some wild pig ribs and sausage for the barbee. 

But being that it's raining profusely here in the Brazos Valley today, something that we've needed for an extremely long time, I think I'll just settle back in and watch Jerry Jones and Tony Romo try to serve up the Redskins yet another win!*


----------



## bandit.45

You would have had fun Arb. There was one lady who came, one of our AR clerks, a Hispanic lady on her mid 50s and beautiful. She's a divorcee and I can't believe she hasn't been snapped up yet. You could have had a great time flirting with her. 

The food turned out well, everybody had fun. Now I have to do dishes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous

bandit.45 said:


> *Do you believe in soul mates Disenchanted?*


 Just noticed this question and thought I would direct you to a thread that asked the same... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relati...out-being-soulmates-opinions-appreciated.html


----------



## bandit.45

I don't really believe in soul mates in that we are predestined to meet one person that is our perfect match. Some people are lucky to have met a mate who they get along with gloriously, others really have to work at keeping a relationship going long term. Doesn't mean there is less love when you compare the two types.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Saying prayers for you during the surgery


----------



## bandit.45

krismimo said:


> Saying prayers for you during the surgery


Thanks Kris. Sorry I never responded. The surgery went well and I am recovered fully! Feeling good. The amazing thing was I did not have to have open-heart. It was all done orthoscopically, so all I have are four little scars on my chest where they inserted the scopes. The surgery only took three hours or so. I was on my feet, strolling the hallways that same night. 

To think: ten years ago they would have split me open like a fish and I would have been out of commission for a month. 

The only hurdle was one of the holes they punched in me got infected with MRSA, and so they kept me for a couple more days and pumped me full of Bactrim... until it was coming out my ears. That infection was scarier than the operation. But I was back at work a week later -- albeit with a portable EKG monitor strapped to my waist.


----------



## krismimo

Happy you are doing much better, how are you feeling?


----------



## bandit.45

krismimo said:


> Happy you are doing much better, how are you feeling?


Very good. I started back on my jogging routine about two weeks ago and I'm slowly building my stamina and wind back up. 

All in all I feel alot better than I did before the operation. Doctor says I'm healing perfectly. My chest hair has grown back and you can hardly see the scars.


----------



## calvin

bandit.45 said:


> Very good. I started back on my jogging routine about two weeks ago and I'm slowly building my stamina and wind back up.
> 
> All in all I feel alot better than I did before the operation. Doctor says I'm healing perfectly. My chest hair has grown back and you can hardly see the scars.


 Good,get well soon bonehead,I still need you to slap some sense into me once
in awhile.
Someone has to do it,that be you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

