# 4 days before our 1 year anniversary.



## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I'm still having trust issues. I got caught snooping on H's phone Friday night. Once again, threatened me with divorce because my lack of trust is annoying and 'weird'... I didn't get to find anything at that moment because my baby started crying for me, and it woke up H as well...
Well, my snooping sure as hell wasn't going to stop there.
I just logged into his Gmail account, and checked out all the apps he has installed on his phone via google dashboard...
Found various dating apps, picture apps, apps that hide other apps, A PROXY APP.... (this confirms the yahoo mail suspicions), AIM, YAHOO messenger, FB messenger, and naughty games.

We are supposed to be celebrating our one year anniversary this weekend. But I am pissed, and told him I don't want to go to the hotel. He doesn't know why though. On Friday when he caught me snooping he accused me of ruining our anniversary, LOL. F.YOU.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Next time he threaten a divorce take him up on it and ask him to leave now.
Next time he accuses you of ruining something tell him its his secrets that are ruining things and ask him to leave.

Never reveal your source

With crap like this you have to shift the power, right now he has you chasing him so he continues to cheat. Yes he is cheating on you, decieving you, you do not getting the real facts. Granted he may not have had sex with some one other then his spouse (adultory) but he is cheat you out of a healthy marriage.

So shift the power and show him how confident you are on letting him go and if he wants to continue to decieve you then he can leave and you consider this abandonment. 

You must have the confidence and strength in giving him the perception that you will move on with out him. Smiling and asking him to leave is a strong statement, this will make him think twice in what he is about to lose.

Do not beg or cry in front of him

So make him second guess his choices by being strong and positive in the fact that you will not tolorate deception. This "take no crap" tough love approach will save you a ton of heart ach years down the road.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

the guy said:


> Next time he threaten a divorce take him up on it and ask him to leave now.
> Next time he accuses you of ruining something tell him its his secrets that are ruining things and ask him to leave.
> 
> Never reveal your source
> ...


:iagree:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I ask again - why are you WITH this guy??

and



Hope1964 said:


> I want to know what the he!! you are still doing with this guy. How many times does he have to wipe the sh!t off his feet all over you before you GET it? He is a despicable person and you are letting him use you. Do you REALLY want your kid growing up watching you be treated like garbage??


HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights « betrayed but recovering


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

You're in false reconciliation. 

Hes not remorseful for what he did and just wants to rugsweep his way back to the status quo. 

You can sit in a unfaithful, tense, miserable marriage and divorce anyways 6-8 years from now or you can get out now.


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## linabronson (Aug 9, 2012)

You're in false reconciliation.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I installed the apps on my tablet but unfortunately couldn't figure out the email address/password.. He always tells me he wants me to be open with him, and always tell him what's on my mind. But I can't. He doesn't let me. He gets mad/defensive/lies, makes it impossible to reconcile and trust him. I can't help but wonder if he was doing this before we got married, or only started after we tied the knot.
Last time I caught him with one secret email account, he tried to justify it by saying he wasn't using his real identity, and the act wasn't physical, so it wasn't cheating. He just did it for masturbation purposes.
Well genius, if you're jacking off to other women online and interacting with them rather than just watching porn, talking to them for weeks and hiding it from me, WTH is that? I know if I ask him about the dating apps, he's going to lie his ass off, somehow deny it, and claim it's completely innocent because he wasn't using his 'real identity'.... When I asked him if there was any other accounts I didn't know about, he said no, and that was a lie. When I asked him not to do it again he said he wouldn't, that was a lie. He wants me to be open but he won't open up to me. He doesn't deserve my honesty either. The sad part is all I'm doing is going to school so I can get a job so we can get a nice house somewhere nice, and currently staying at home with virtually no friends and no one to talk to taking care of our son. I'm frickin 20 years old and there's no way in hell I'm going to spend the rest of my life like this. If he doesn't own his mistakes and if he chooses to live in lies and denial then so be it. He can do it elsewhere, away from me. It's not right for me to raise my child like this. Ever since he's been born I've uncovered multiple lies and things he's hiding and I feel like it will never end. 
But what I'm afraid to admit is that even if I did get the truth out of him, what if there was more. What if I found more? What would I do? Do I even have the balls to kick him out? I keep looking and I keep finding, but what I need is to get into all the accounts that I know exist, but I'm not in the FBI so apparently I can't do this. 
What else is there??? 
Hope is right. I am with him trying to find happiness and peace, but all I do is suffer more as months go by. I am on the brink of a breakdown, yet all I do is search, find, and mourn. I don't do anything. Just pretend to be stupid. . . 
I promise one day this will change. When I have everything figured out, when I have all the information I need... (and I already have enough. I don't know what's wrong with me.. but love is blind. and stupid.)


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Please tell me why you are still with this guy. Give me ONE REASON he deserves you. And don't say because he's the father of your child. That doesn't count. I want to know what he does for YOU.

You are just going to keep looking (which translates into rubbing salt in the wounds he inflicted on you already) and finding things and he is just going to keep denying. 

WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE?? Does he have to start hitting you or something for you to leave? Or would you even leave then?

Yes you should kick him out but if the only way to get away from him is for you to leave then LEAVE.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

If there is nothing to find, there is nothing to hide. Divorce for grabbing his phone? Paranoid much? Don't tell him any plans, go straight to keylogger (not on his company comp, its illegal), you find passwords with keyloggers, phone tracker, check phone bills, if he's texting all day and it is not you, I'd wonder.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I can't get my hands on his phone long enough to install one, seriously he watches it like a hawk. If he goes outside for a smoke and I see it, snatch it up for even a second he knows. If he's asleep I have a slight chance, but my baby wakes up all the time and wakes him up as well like what happened on Friday. 
He takes it to the bathroom when he showers. 
the only time it's out of his sight for 10 minutes is when it's charging on the counter, which he is right in the next room. It's impossible.
Plus, I have NO MONEY at all!

I do however, have access to his old phone. It's an HTC Aria. He has of course deleted browsing history... but I'm curious if there's any way I can recover deleted phone calls/browsing history/photos, anything at all!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

sick. said:


> I can't get my hands on his phone long enough to install one, seriously he watches it like a hawk. If he goes outside for a smoke and I see it, snatch it up for even a second he knows. If he's asleep I have a slight chance, but my baby wakes up all the time and wakes him up as well like what happened on Friday.
> He takes it to the bathroom when he showers.
> the only time it's out of his sight for 10 minutes is when it's charging on the counter, which he is right in the next room. It's impossible.
> Plus, I have NO MONEY at all!
> ...


Why are you torturing yourself? How much information do you need in which to inspire you to act? And then what?

You say you have no money. Should you not be working on ways to earn an income at this point in order to set yourself up to leave? You are a prisoner in a cage until you begin acting upon gaining your freedom from him. You know it's coming. 

So, instead of wasting your time finding even more proof (and you know you will) would it not be a better investment of your time to find the ways and means to survive without him?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

survivorwife said:


> Why are you torturing yourself? How much information do you need in which to inspire you to act? And then what?
> 
> You say you have no money. Should you not be working on ways to earn an income at this point in order to set yourself up to leave? You are a prisoner in a cage until you begin acting upon gaining your freedom from him. You know it's coming.
> 
> So, instead of wasting your time finding even more proof (and you know you will) would it not be a better investment of your time to find the ways and means to survive without him?


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:


It pisses me off too. I guess some people react to things differently though. There's another thread on here that's called "Impossible to keep quiet and wait", and I can relate to the OP very much in the way she's reacting to her WH's actions and deceit.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

sick. said:


> I can't get my hands on his phone long enough to install one, seriously he watches it like a hawk. If he goes outside for a smoke and I see it, snatch it up for even a second he knows. If he's asleep I have a slight chance, but my baby wakes up all the time and wakes him up as well like what happened on Friday.
> He takes it to the bathroom when he showers.
> the only time it's out of his sight for 10 minutes is when it's charging on the counter, which he is right in the next room. It's impossible.
> Plus, I have NO MONEY at all!
> ...


Does he do all of this through his phone? Does he ever use a computer? A key logger is installed on a desktop and can track every key(its hardware or software installed), you can get email accts, fb passwords, etc as long as it is not a company computer/laptop (it is illegal to install software on comp that are not your own, such as company laptop).


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

sick. said:


> It pisses me off too. I guess some people react to things differently though. There's another thread on here that's called "Impossible to keep quiet and wait", and I can relate to the OP very much in the way she's reacting to her WH's actions and deceit.


But the point (again) is....THEN WHAT HAPPENS?

What are you prepared to do, assuming you find more proof? Are you ready to take action? What kind of action? Just a big (empty) fight? Are you hoping that you will have to do nothing and that he will see the error of his ways and magically change into the perfect husband? Or are you preparing yourself to live without him? On you own. With your own income.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> But the point (again) is....THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
> 
> What are you prepared to do, assuming you find more proof? Are you ready to take action? What kind of action? Just a big (empty) fight? Are you hoping that you will have to do nothing and that he will see the error of his ways and magically change into the perfect husband? Or are you preparing yourself to live without him? On you own. With your own income.


Took the words and word usage straight out of my mouth. :iagree::iagree::iagree:

Yes sick. You need to be making moves to leave the marriage,getting your own job an income to keep you afloat when it happens.

You think hes respectful of you? 

Betrayed Spouse who let their WS rugsweep are never respected. In his head whats done is done, he had to take a few lumps, but you ain't going anywhere anyways so whats the point of making a change?

Prove him wrong and show him your middle name isn't 'default wife' or 'doormat'


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

sick. said:


> It pisses me off too. I guess some people react to things differently though. There's another thread on here that's called "Impossible to keep quiet and wait", and I can relate to the OP very much in the way she's reacting to her WH's actions and deceit.


I don't think that Hope was typing up a bajillion head-banging smilies over his activities...it's because she feels she's not getting through to YOU.

My guess is, you have a baby and no money. So therefore you assume you can't leave him, even if you wanted to.

Visit a lawyer and get a grip on what your rights are. You feel trapped right now--a lawyer will explain your options so that you know precisely what your alternatives are. And yes, you should be able to get a consultation without paying them first, because the money would come out of the divorce.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

iheartlife said:


> I don't think that Hope was typing up a bajillion head-banging smilies over his activities...it's because she feels she's not getting through to YOU.


DING DING DING!!!! This is exactly it. I feel like I am typing into a void where everything I say is sucked into a black hole before anyone reads it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

@hope1964, I feel you girl, but at the end of the day alls we can do if inform and support.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sick. said:


> The sad part is all I'm doing is going to school so I can get a job so we can get a nice house somewhere nice, *and currently staying at home with virtually no friends and no one to talk to taking care of our son.*


Why are you home with few friends and no one to talk to?

Where is your husband? Does he come home from work and be with you when he's not at work on evenings and weekends? He does work, right?


Why don't you have friends and an outside support system?


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