# need advice thanks



## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

I am confused and could you some advice. I will make my story short as possible: Married for years, have 22 yr old step daughter. I lost job 5 months ago, also got in huge fight with wife over my finances,lied to her about credit card,totally my fault, and fixing. Wife kicked me out about 4 months ago, will not talk to me. Ok fine, Im focusing on cleaning up my debt, almost have a job. My daughter an I have the agreement that when I talk to her its only about us, and not talk about my marriage problems, as you should never drag your kids into it ever!!. through this whole separation talked to wife maybe 4 times, she is very upset, and I told her I am focusing on cleaning up my debt, and she said that is a step in right direction. So I talk to my daughter often, and talk to her about what im up to etc, and I am getting feeling that she is telling my wife everything we talk about. I talked to wife one day, and she told me nothing has changed between us yet, and she knew I didnt have job yet, and hadnt cleaned up my credit card. I let it go,but am suspicious!!! So I called my daughter recently telling her that I am going to be getting a job offer from a company this week. Later that day I logged on to cellphone site and checked phone records, and found my daughter called my wife 1 minute after i talked to her. I feel like i may be getting played. I thought maybe my wife is waiting till i get a job, and then will file for divorce so she can take me for a ride for money?!? Any ideas, or am I just being paranoid..thanks.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

It could be... or it could be she is observing you to see if you are really... "cleaning up your act" so to speak. She may be having your daughter provide her with proof that you are indeed making an effort to change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your daughter probably wants the two of you back together. So she's telling her mom things that support that.

Just expect that anything you tell your daughter will be told to you wife.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

thanks for replies, that is probably true. I know my daughter wants things to get better, so she probably was eager to tell my wife what was going on..


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

It could be either, but unless you have reason to believe that your step-daughter's a schemer, it's probably her wanting things to get better. I'd take it as an encouraging sign that your wife's making it a point to listen, too. 

Still, you may want to keep any information about how much you'll be making to yourself, and possibly even limiting how much you deposit into banking accounts.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

I dont have a any reason to believe my daughter would be working against me. She truly is a great daughter, and I know she was really impacted by our separation. I think I will still limit somethings that I tell her,even though I know my daughters intentions are good, but am a little skeptical on my wife...thanks


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

Just remember that a daughter (stepdaughter or other) will always be talking to her mommy unless there are abject circumstances. Daddy is always Daddy, but Mommy is definitely going to always be Mommy. Daddy shapes a daughter's life, but Mommy is always just Mommy. I know this sounds strange, but anyone with a daughter gets it and knows that a little girl always needs her Mommy.

I would feel very good that your daughter is calling your wife after your calls. It means two things. One: your daughter wants you back together. Two: your wife really wants to know what's going on. I believe this because after this much time, if your wife didn't want to know, she would have told your daughter she didn't want to hear it and your daughter would oblige because...she's her mommy! You still have a chance here. Take responsibility for whatever happened and never let it happen again and do whatever you have to do to get back to your wife if that's what your really want!

I really wish you the best of luck!


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

C123 said:


> Just remember that a daughter (stepdaughter or other) will always be talking to her mommy unless there are abject circumstances. Daddy is always Daddy, but Mommy is definitely going to always be Mommy. Daddy shapes a daughter's life, but Mommy is always just Mommy. I know this sounds strange, but anyone with a daughter gets it and knows that a little girl always needs her Mommy.
> 
> I would feel very good that your daughter is calling your wife after your calls. It means two things. One: your daughter wants you back together. Two: your wife really wants to know what's going on. I believe this because after this much time, if your wife didn't want to know, she would have told your daughter she didn't want to hear it and your daughter would oblige because...she's her mommy! You still have a chance here. Take responsibility for whatever happened and never let it happen again and do whatever you have to do to get back to your wife if that's what your really want!
> 
> I really wish you the best of luck!


I appreciate your advice and encouraging words. I am working really hard to fix the issues and get back home and work on my marriage with my wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wilburnter (Aug 1, 2012)

you tell your daughter will be told to you wife


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Recently I have been analyzing my finances. I receive unemployment, plus I have a small chunk of money left when I was let go from last job(it was all the vacation time i had accumulated). I am running into new problems!! in addition to my unemployment I have to put in an additional 650 bucks a month to meet the bills. I pay all my own bills, plus I pay for cellphone bill,which includes my wife, daughter and myself. I also pay my daughters rent at school $900 a month(wife an I split bills for house, My half is 450 a month, so I put toward daughters rent. I also pay half of daughters car insurance. Problem is im running out of money. I am about 90% sure i will be getting this new job here soon and should be ok, but if I dont I will be screwed here in a couple months... Its been soo hard to get job, I have been trying to get job since march 8th!! The issue is that If i dont get a job soon, I will be forced to call my wife and tell her I cant pay any of those bills anymore!! If I keep this up much longer with no job ill be living in my truck. If I tell my wife this, she will get extremely mad, and surely file for divorce!!!!I have been lucky staying with my dad rent free for a while, but that is coming to an end as he is very very controlling about my marriage, and doesnt support ,my wife kicking me out and still paying bills....Plus I dont want to screw over my step daughter either. I know I was wrong for lying to my wife about my credit card debt, but I am trying to get resolved, but really cant right now till I get a job. I am only paying minimum payment of card and that is not gonna get it paid off quickly. Other thing too, if I go and find a place to rent that will be more money I have to pay, and even with a new job is going to make it hard to get credit card paid off quickly!! Getting a job and getting card paid off will be the first step in mending my marriage with wife according to wife... I have already been gone from home 4 months. Its going to take a long time to pay off that credit card!! I feel like my backs up against the wall, It feels hopeless!!!


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## MrsKeepTrying (Jul 31, 2012)

Your situation isn't hopeless. Just sit yourself down and list out your financial priorities. (finding a job, fixing the credit card debt, keeping the line of communication open with your step-daughter, your rent situation, etc.).

In this economy, finding jobs is hard and it's a good thing that you're positive about getting one. But keep yourself focused on your plan once you do get the job. Decide what you're willing to put up with (your dad's nonsense vs. your wife being angry if you can't fulfill your financial responsibility). Some things are going to be out of your control. If you don't have the $$$, then you can't pay. If you pay one thing and can't pay another, you're between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes our decisions put us there and we just have to deal with the consequences.

While I disagree with the 22 yo putting herself in the middle, the fact is that she's there. She might be too young to know anything about finances (which would be a shame), but ask her what she thinks. Put your priorities down on a list and ask her to help you organize them in a way that will make you successful. She will absolutely tell her mother, but in a roundabout way, at least your wife will know that you're trying.

OR, you can say, to hell with it and not give a damn about what anyone THINKS. You can work on getting yourself together because you NEED to, not because someone expects you to.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

MrsKeepTrying, I feel better after reading your post. Let me tell ya with everything that is going on,finances,killing myself looking for a job, and the marriage separation, it is very hard to be positive and have good attitude, But I am really trying and I think that really helps sometimes. Im sure years from now i will look back and say this was probably the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. I have tried very hard not to drag my daughter into this mess, she is very busy with going to school,but at times a few things come up that we talk about. My daughter is very smart, and acts much older than her age. although some may think a little weird, she gives very good advice about things for her age., she is 1 in a million  I know i will get my finances in order once I get a job. I am not doing this necessarily to make my wife happy,but for myself. I really have learned these past few months away to focus on me. In the end I hope that my wife will see that i am making permanent changes and will give me one last chance. I truly love my wife and daughter, and it kills me that I tore our little family part. I know this sounds lame, but I will never give up on winning my wife back, and will make her see that I truly want to fix our relationship..


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

I came to the realization today that even with this new job I will be getting with the salary per year, I still will not be able to pay all my bills and the portion of the bills back home!!! this new salary will be about 30k less a year than my last job, Im basically starting over with a new career,with my unemployment I still have to put in about $700 a month from my savings to make all the bills.. Im running out of money!! I was thinking what the hell is my wife expecting me to do?!?!? I feel if I told her that im living in my truck cuz i cant afford to pay for rent, she would not care!! So i have decided that im going to call her in next few days and tell her I am not going to be paying any of the house bills, I dont see why I should im not living there, and she is not giving me an indication of when I can come home. Ive been gone 4 months, doesnt that seems like that is too much time??? If I keep this up, I will drain my bank acct and will struggle to make ends meet, I am in survival mode, and i have to focus on myself. I can guarantee that my wife will be sooooo pissed off when I tell her, that I am sure she will file for divorce, if thats the case so be it I guess. Its a shame,cuz I really want things to work out. Worst part of it, is I pay for my stepdaughters rent ever month, but cant afford that whole amount anymore.I still want to help my daughter, maybe pay half rent? I think what I will do if go over there first and grab the rest of my things before I tell her, just in case there is any problems. any suggestions or thoughts? thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have you been married? Does your wife work outside the home?

Are you an owner of the house she is in? She cannot legally keep you out of the family home. It's your legal residence.

You might want to go talk to her and tell her that you cannot afford the current arrangement and thus need to move back into the house. Show her some numbers. You could even send her some emails. 

If she says no then you have to decide if you will push the issue and tell her that it's your legal residence and she cannot keep you from living there.

If you do not move back in, then get your stuff. Then write her an email telling her that you cannot afford to pay her bills. She will need to get a job ASAP to support herself.

If the house loan is in your name and she cannot afford it, she can move out.

Do not give her a penny or pay her bills until there is a court order telling you that you have to do this. What I have found is that if you help her out.. she will ask the court that you pay what you have already been paying and then some more. And the court will say that since you have been paying that all along you can obvously afford that.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

been married 14 years. And my wife works a fulltime job making descent money.. The house is paid for, and I am not on the title to the house at all.Im sure she will struggle to pay the extra bills, but I dont have a choice. Seeing that I am not on the title to the house, am i still legally allowed to be there?


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

I think it's logical for a person to know that if I get a divorce, my spouse moves out, I will be paying the bills on my own. It seems maybe you've made this really easy on her out of guilt for what you did and because you love her? I am a SAHM (only in the last 2 years otherwise I've always worked) and I know that if my H and I are divorced, I will be paying my rent, utilities, etc. I know the courts can order alimony but I don't think that's something I would go for. I think if you give her notice like maybe a month in advance that you won't be able to pay the bills, that's reasonable. As for your daughter, I agree that sitting down with her and all the bills and saying look, this is what I'm facing. Unfortunately survival mode it is.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FishKing said:


> been married 14 years. And my wife works a fulltime job making descent money.. The house is paid for, and I am not on the title to the house at all.Im sure she will struggle to pay the extra bills, but I dont have a choice. Seeing that I am not on the title to the house, am i still legally allowed to be there?


Do you still get mail there? As long as you are married and still get mail there yes you are allowed to live in the house. It's the marital home. Neither of you can kick the other out of the marital home. A court order is required to say which of you will stay in the house.

By the say, just becasu eyou name is not on the mortgage or the title does not mean that you do not have interest in the house. YOu are most likely entitled to 50% of the equity in the home. She might have to buy you out, or she can sell it and give you your half.

See an attorney as soon as possible so that you know your rights. Also do internet searches and read. Each state is a bit different.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lovingsummer said:


> I think it's logical for a person to know that if I get a divorce, my spouse moves out, I will be paying the bills on my own. It seems maybe you've made this really easy on her out of guilt for what you did and because you love her? I am a SAHM (only in the last 2 years otherwise I've always worked) and I know that if my H and I are divorced, I will be paying my rent, utilities, etc. I know the courts can order alimony but I don't think that's something I would go for. I think if you give her notice like maybe a month in advance that you won't be able to pay the bills, that's reasonable. As for your daughter, I agree that sitting down with her and all the bills and saying look, this is what I'm facing. Unfortunately survival mode it is.


A SAHM/D might need some support for a while. In long term marriages it can be ordered for life if the spouse needing support is to old or disabled to support themselves.

I've seen some pretty nasty games played, unfortunately by women... for example a women who was 50% and ran the family business for 22 years going ot court and claim that she was a SAHM who never worked a day in her life. pretty sad.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

lovingsummer said:


> I think it's logical for a person to know that if I get a divorce, my spouse moves out, I will be paying the bills on my own. It seems maybe you've made this really easy on her out of guilt for what you did and because you love her? I am a SAHM (only in the last 2 years otherwise I've always worked) and I know that if my H and I are divorced, I will be paying my rent, utilities, etc. I know the courts can order alimony but I don't think that's something I would go for. I think if you give her notice like maybe a month in advance that you won't be able to pay the bills, that's reasonable. As for your daughter, I agree that sitting down with her and all the bills and saying look, this is what I'm facing. Unfortunately survival mode it is.


When I was kicked out I didnt think otherwise about paying the bills,cause I didnt think I would be gone his long, but I feel that 4 months is too much time!! I dont want it to be a nasty divorce, I dont want to go after her for anything


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> A SAHM/D might need some support for a while. In long term marriages it can be ordered for life if the spouse needing support is to old or disabled to support themselves.
> 
> I've seen some pretty nasty games played, unfortunately by women... for example a women who was 50% and ran the family business for 22 years going ot court and claim that she was a SAHM who never worked a day in her life. pretty sad.


Sorry what is a SAHM/D? My wife is 14 yrs older than me,but she is healthy, and works fulltime.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Do you still get mail there? As long as you are married and still get mail there yes you are allowed to live in the house. It's the marital home. Neither of you can kick the other out of the marital home. A court order is required to say which of you will stay in the house.
> 
> By the say, just becasu eyou name is not on the mortgage or the title does not mean that you do not have interest in the house. YOu are most likely entitled to 50% of the equity in the home. She might have to buy you out, or she can sell it and give you your half.
> 
> See an attorney as soon as possible so that you know your rights. Also do internet searches and read. Each state is a bit different.


I recently changed my mail to have it come to my dads house. I will do some research and talk to an attorney. thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FishKing said:


> Sorry what is a SAHM/D? My wife is 14 yrs older than me,but she is healthy, and works fulltime.


SAHM/D = Stay at home mom or dad

As long as she has a career you will not have to pay much if any support. She will not need rehabilitative support.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FishKing said:


> I recently changed my mail to have it come to my dads house. I will do some research and talk to an attorney. thanks


You could always withdraw your change of address.

Since you have children at home and your investment in the house is secure, you might not want to move back anyway. The one good reason for doing it would be so that the both of can pull your money together to make sure you keep the house in good condition until it's sold or refinanced by the one who is going to keep it.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Yea, I understand that and would probably have to have some sort of help to get on my feet. Just crossing my fingers that I don't need to worry about that any time soon 

As for the house, my Dad cheated on my Mom after 34 years of marriage. They had sold the home that I was raised in to buy a home "out of town/in the country" for $30,000. It was old farmhouse that they both worked on to remodel, etc. My Mom was so hurt when this happened she basically just left with very little. She made my Dad buy her out for $15,000 which is half of what they paid for the house. The problem was, the house was worth WAY more after the remodel. A few years after the divorce was final my Dad sold that house for $165,000 and my Mom never saw a penny of the "extra" money. So I would do your research and make sure you aren't cutting yourself short. I know the situations aren't the same but my Mom would've had a hell of an easier time starting over if she would've done her homework.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You could always withdraw your change of address.
> 
> Since you have children at home and your investment in the house is secure, you might not want to move back anyway. The one good reason for doing it would be so that the both of can pull your money together to make sure you keep the house in good condition until it's sold or refinanced by the one who is going to keep it.


My daughter is away at college, she only comes home for the holidays. Yrs ago when we first got married, I had poor money habits and ran up my credit cards. My wife was upset, and she had a document filled out by attorney that I had to sign that basically said the creditors couldnt come after her house. I dont remember exactly everything on the document,but im pretty sure im screwed as far as the house is concerned. I have paid half for almost everything in the house, but never paid any toward the house mortgage.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

lovingsummer said:


> Yea, I understand that and would probably have to have some sort of help to get on my feet. Just crossing my fingers that I don't need to worry about that any time soon
> 
> As for the house, my Dad cheated on my Mom after 34 years of marriage. They had sold the home that I was raised in to buy a home "out of town/in the country" for $30,000. It was old farmhouse that they both worked on to remodel, etc. My Mom was so hurt when this happened she basically just left with very little. She made my Dad buy her out for $15,000 which is half of what they paid for the house. The problem was, the house was worth WAY more after the remodel. A few years after the divorce was final my Dad sold that house for $165,000 and my Mom never saw a penny of the "extra" money. So I would do your research and make sure you aren't cutting yourself short. I know the situations aren't the same but my Mom would've had a hell of an easier time starting over if she would've done her homework.


wow that sucks for your mom, I will definitely do my homework so I dont cut myself too short.thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FishKing said:


> My daughter is away at college, she only comes home for the holidays. Yrs ago when we first got married, I had poor money habits and ran up my credit cards. My wife was upset, and she had a document filled out by attorney that I had to sign that basically said the creditors couldnt come after her house. I dont remember exactly everything on the document,but im pretty sure im screwed as far as the house is concerned. I have paid half for almost everything in the house, but never paid any toward the house mortgage.


Check with your attorney. That document might not keep you from having an investment in the house. Do you have a copy of that document? Even if the document does say something that might cut you out of the house, your attorney might be able to still argue that community assets/income were used to pay off the house. 

So she might get the house and you get eveythign else up the value of half the house.

Everything is up for evaluation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FishKing said:


> My daughter is away at college, she only comes home for the holidays. Yrs ago when we first got married, I had poor money habits and ran up my credit cards. My wife was upset, and she had a document filled out by attorney that I had to sign that basically said the creditors couldnt come after her house. I dont remember exactly everything on the document,but im pretty sure im screwed as far as the house is concerned. I have paid half for almost everything in the house, *but never paid any toward the house mortgage*.


The court will not look at who paid which bill. They will look at all of your income (hers and yours) as community. There is no your money and her money. 

That said, are you in a community property or equitable distribution state?


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Yea she was kicking herself pretty hard for a while but she was so crushed because he wouldn't go to marriage counseling or anything. She left so much behind including baby pictures of us 3 kids, things we made my Mom when we were kids. So I stole the photo albums for my Mom made copies for my Dad and gave the pictures to my Mom for Christmas one year. She bawled like a baby because she never thought she would see them again because my Dad wouldn't give them to her. To this day, he still doesn't even realize they're copies (shows how important they were to him)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lovingsummer said:


> Yea she was kicking herself pretty hard for a while but she was so crushed because he wouldn't go to marriage counseling or anything. She left so much behind including baby pictures of us 3 kids, things we made my Mom when we were kids. So I stole the photo albums for my Mom made copies for my Dad and gave the pictures to my Mom for Christmas one year. She bawled like a baby because she never thought she would see them again because my Dad wouldn't give them to her. To this day, he still doesn't even realize they're copies (shows how important they were to him)


The things that people do during divorce are so petty and hurtful. Don't they realize that in the end they are only hurting their own soul? I know they don't realize it..


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

It is pretty amazing what people will do, it's like they never loved the person at all. I can't imagine having to go through a divorce, to untangle my life from my H, to feel like he doesn't matter. We have a problems but I love him so much I can't imagine. I love my Dad but seriously don't think he has much of a soul (or the lady that he had an affair with, they are still together)... My parents divorce was finalized 2-3 weeks before I got married and my Dad brought her to my reception without even telling/asking nothing... I had never met the woman and my Mom busted into tears and left my reception. She later came back to get pictures with me (after I told my Dad his OW needed to leave because it was disrespectful to me and my Mom)... My Mom is amazing, she started her life over at 52 and is doing ok... she put all the bullsh!t aside for the sake of the kids/grandkids and attends birthday's with my Dad and his OW without incident. It took her about a year but she did it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lovingsummer said:


> It is pretty amazing what people will do, it's like they never loved the person at all. I can't imagine having to go through a divorce, to untangle my life from my H, to feel like he doesn't matter. We have a problems but I love him so much I can't imagine. I love my Dad but seriously don't think he has much of a soul (or the lady that he had an affair with, they are still together)... My parents divorce was finalized 2-3 weeks before I got married and my Dad brought her to my reception without even telling/asking nothing... I had never met the woman and my Mom busted into tears and left my reception. She later came back to get pictures with me (after I told my Dad his OW needed to leave because it was disrespectful to me and my Mom)... My Mom is amazing, she started her life over at 52 and is doing ok... she put all the bullsh!t aside for the sake of the kids/grandkids and attends birthday's with my Dad and his OW without incident. It took her about a year but she did it.


My son's father ripped me off some financially in the divorce. I always tell myself that it's ok because my son will inherit what was taken from me. So all is good.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

So true... and here you are, sharing your hard earned knowledge and experience to help others NOT get ripped of and taken advantage of. I love reading your posts.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lovingsummer said:


> So true... and here you are, sharing your hard earned knowledge and experience to help others NOT get ripped of and taken advantage of. I love reading your posts.


Thanks for the kind words.


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## kate542 (Jul 25, 2012)

Is this the first time you have been in debt?
Have you had previous serious issues with your wife?
I can't believe any wife would throw her husband out for an isolated problem.
It does seem strange that your wife should ask you to leave unless there is a previous history. Also why did you leave surely you could have stayed in the house and sorted the debts out.
Paying just the monthly payment will not clear your debts you need to get professional advice on this because if you have a compulsive spending personality you will in the future continue to spend even when this is paid off. You need to look at your whole attitude to spending. People spend for different reasons you should work out why you spend.

I know you have been looking for a job but are you very particular about what you do?

You should take anything and everything even cleaning toilets and manual work and work more than one job.

Best of luck


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kate542 said:


> Is this the first time you have been in debt?
> Have you had previous serious issues with your wife?
> I can't believe any wife would throw her husband out for an isolated problem.
> It does seem strange that your wife should ask you to leave unless there is a previous history. Also why did you leave surely you could have stayed in the house and sorted the debts out.
> ...


He already has a new job.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

lovingsummer said:


> It is pretty amazing what people will do, it's like they never loved the person at all. I can't imagine having to go through a divorce, to untangle my life from my H, to feel like he doesn't matter. We have a problems but I love him so much I can't imagine. I love my Dad but seriously don't think he has much of a soul (or the lady that he had an affair with, they are still together)... My parents divorce was finalized 2-3 weeks before I got married and my Dad brought her to my reception without even telling/asking nothing... I had never met the woman and my Mom busted into tears and left my reception. She later came back to get pictures with me (after I told my Dad his OW needed to leave because it was disrespectful to me and my Mom)... My Mom is amazing, she started her life over at 52 and is doing ok... she put all the bullsh!t aside for the sake of the kids/grandkids and attends birthday's with my Dad and his OW without incident. It took her about a year but she did it.


Thats good to hear your mom started over and is happy. I am 38 and feel im young enough to start over, remarry etc. It is amazing how my wife can act as though i dont even exist. she basically has cut me off, as though we were never married,She wont talk to me, deleted me as friend on her facebook,and took down all the pictures in the house with me and my family. She has cut off my family as well, unreal!! there still is a couple pics up with my wife and daughter and I. I may not be a perfect husband, but I have never cheated, nor am i the abusive type,but I could never be like that and cut my wife off at the knees like that... My family supports me, but they see the writing on the wall, and think things wont work out. Maybe I was blind, and was very hopeful,but its come to a point that i cant afford to help support the house anymore. Its hard when you have been married for 14 yrs with so many memories,and have a step daughter. I think I would be more hurt if my daughter hated me after all this.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

lovingsummer said:


> Yea she was kicking herself pretty hard for a while but she was so crushed because he wouldn't go to marriage counseling or anything. She left so much behind including baby pictures of us 3 kids, things we made my Mom when we were kids. So I stole the photo albums for my Mom made copies for my Dad and gave the pictures to my Mom for Christmas one year. She bawled like a baby because she never thought she would see them again because my Dad wouldn't give them to her. To this day, he still doesn't even realize they're copies (shows how important they were to him)


My wife and I went to counseling different times throughout our marriage. She is at the point she will not go anymore.. That is awesome that you did that for your mom,funny your dad didnt even realize,haha


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FishKing said:


> Thats good to hear your mom started over and is happy. I am 38 and feel im young enough to start over, remarry etc. It is amazing how my wife can act as though i dont even exist. she basically has cut me off, as though we were never married,She wont talk to me, deleted me as friend on her facebook,and took down all the pictures in the house with me and my family. She has cut off my family as well, unreal!! there still is a couple pics up with my wife and daughter and I. I may not be a perfect husband, but I have never cheated, nor am i the abusive type,but I could never be like that and cut my wife off at the knees like that... My family supports me, but they see the writing on the wall, and think things wont work out. Maybe I was blind, and was very hopeful,but its come to a point that i cant afford to help support the house anymore. Its hard when you have been married for 14 yrs with so many memories,and have a step daughter. I think I would be more hurt if my daughter hated me after all this.


Just keep letting your step daughter know that you still care for her and want her in your life. I know you do. This is one reason that helping her right now might very well be more important than paying your wife's bills.

My step children are still in my life even though I divorced their dad. I'm still their mom... shoot they are in my house every day, bring their friends over to hang out. The divorce does not have to destroy these relationships. Make sure that your family continues to embrace her as well.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Just keep letting your step daughter know that you still care for her and want her in your life. I know you do. This is one reason that helping her right now might very well be more important than paying your wife's bills.
> 
> My step children are still in my life even though I divorced their dad. I'm still their mom... shoot they are in my house every day, bring their friends over to hang out. The divorce does not have to destroy these relationships. Make sure that your family continues to embrace her as well.


I know my daughter knows that I care for her, and will always ensure that she knows that. I think after I drop the bomb on my wife that I am not able to pay anymore bills, and will call my daughter and explain the situation to her so she hears it from me.
I was talking to my dad about this today, and he knows my wife is very inteligent, and she has to know that this phone call is coming.. He doesnt think it will be a big shock to her that I cant pay for some bills at home as well as take care of myself. She must be trying to punish me or take advantage of me while she can!! could be very true..


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