# Ex wife serially cheating on new husband



## toolforgrowth

I just learned that my ex WW is openly having sex with multiple people, and that her new husband knows, and that she basically told him to deal with it.

What's funny is that I derive no satisfaction from hearing this. I just feel bad for her...and her new husband (he's a genuinely good guy). It seemed like she was getting her life on track, and I was happy for her. I never wanted to reconcile, but I also never wanted her to suffer or be unhappy. Knowing that's she's only gotten worse is just so...sad.

She's keeping it away from our daughter (for now). And I know I dodged a huge bullet by divorcing her four years ago, and for that I'm grateful! But I still hoped she would change, not for me, but for herself and her children.

This is going to end badly, and I'll be there for my daughter to pick up the pieces. Maybe that's where my dread is coming from...seeing her little face sad and disappointed. She cares for her step dad.

Some people are just so broken that they are unfixable. And when the fallout affects your child, you feel so powerless.

The only positive is that when I said she would never change, I was right. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.

But that doesn't make it any less sad to watch another human flounder and fall, again and again.


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## SecondTime'Round

toolforgrowth said:


> This is going to end badly, and I'll be there for my daughter to pick up the pieces. Maybe that's where my dread is coming from...seeing her little face sad and disappointed. She cares for her step dad.
> 
> *Some people are just so broken that they are unfixable. And when the fallout affects your child, you feel so powerless.
> *


So, so sad . I feel really badly for your daughter who will bear the brunt of the fallout.


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## Truthseeker1

@toolforgrowth The only person who needs protection in this case is youe daughter - the stepdad made his bed he can sleep in it now....ultimately your wifes dark road will destroy her all you can do is help your daughter through it...your XW gets whatever is coming her way and her new H is a fool for putting up with it but that is not your problem...


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## toolforgrowth

Her behavior isn't my problem, no. Until it affects my daughter, in which case I'm going to go for full custody.

I wanted my daughter to have a stable life with her mom. I see now that's impossible. And that's going to complicate things until my daughter is old enough to understand and deal with it maturely. But she's only 8, not nearly old enough to understand yet.

I pity my xWW. She's broken and needs help. Not my problem, and I'm not going to make it my problem. But in spite of what she did to me, I always hoped she would have bettered herself.

Most of all, I'm sad for the sadness my daughter has yet to face, but inevitably will.


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## tom67

toolforgrowth said:


> Her behavior isn't my problem, no. Until it affects my daughter, in which case I'm going to go for full custody.
> 
> I wanted my daughter to have a stable life with her mom. I see now that's impossible. And that's going to complicate things until my daughter is old enough to understand and deal with it maturely. But she's only 8, not nearly old enough to understand yet.
> 
> I pity my xWW. She's broken and needs help. Not my problem, and I'm not going to make it my problem. But in spite of what she did to me, I always hoped she would have bettered herself.
> 
> Most of all, I'm sad for the sadness my daughter has yet to face, but inevitably will.


Tool saw your thread before this one...
If you don't get @ssraped money wise so your d doesn't turn into your ex try to get primary custody.
Otherwise can we say "learned behavior"
Sorry man.


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## toolforgrowth

tom67 said:


> toolforgrowth said:
> 
> 
> 
> Her behavior isn't my problem, no. Until it affects my daughter, in which case I'm going to go for full custody.
> 
> I wanted my daughter to have a stable life with her mom. I see now that's impossible. And that's going to complicate things until my daughter is old enough to understand and deal with it maturely. But she's only 8, not nearly old enough to understand yet.
> 
> I pity my xWW. She's broken and needs help. Not my problem, and I'm not going to make it my problem. But in spite of what she did to me, I always hoped she would have bettered herself.
> 
> Most of all, I'm sad for the sadness my daughter has yet to face, but inevitably will.
> 
> 
> 
> Tool saw your thread before this one...
> If you don't get @ssraped money wise so your d doesn't turn into your ex try to get primary custody.
> Otherwise can we say "learned behavior"
> Sorry man.
Click to expand...

That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to talk to my attorney ASAP and ask if this is grounds to file for primary custody.

She's better off with me.


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## tom67

How did you find this out?
As long as it wasn't your d who heard them then f$ck that.:surprise:


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## toolforgrowth

tom67 said:


> How did you find this out?
> As long as it wasn't your d who heard them then f$ck that.


My brother in law works with new husband's boss. New husband told boss, boss told my brother in law.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Why her? I get feeling bad for dude, but she likes multiple sex partners. Her problem is getting married, instead of having a fun single sex life.


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## tom67

toolforgrowth said:


> My brother in law works with new husband's boss. New husband told boss, boss told my brother in law.


Sigh...
Another blue pill simp.
I'll leave it at that.


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## toolforgrowth

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Why her? I get feeling bad for dude, but she likes multiple sex partners. Her problem is getting married, instead of having a fun single sex life.


I completely agree. I pity her because she's broken. Just because I don't like her doesn't mean I have no compassion.

I take no pleasure in watching her implode.


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## tom67

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Why her? I get feeling bad for dude, but she likes multiple sex partners. Her problem is getting married, instead of having a fun single sex life.


It's not even hypergamy she is just an addict chasing the next high as our friend Machievelli would have said.
Sad


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## toolforgrowth

tom67 said:


> toolforgrowth said:
> 
> 
> 
> My brother in law works with new husband's boss. New husband told boss, boss told my brother in law.
> 
> 
> 
> Sigh...
> Another blue pill simp.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'll leave it at that.
Click to expand...

Bingo. We all get the impression he's a pushover. He needs a dose of red pill, stat.


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## GusPolinski

Damn.

Hopefully her new husband will grow a pair and kick her ass to the curb soon.


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## toolforgrowth

tom67 said:


> phillybeffandswiss said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why her? I get feeling bad for dude, but she likes multiple sex partners. Her problem is getting married, instead of having a fun single sex life.
> 
> 
> 
> It's not even hypergamy she is just an addict chasing the next high as our friend Machievelli would have said.
> Sad
Click to expand...

Exactly. This is precisely what I thought. That's what makes it sad.


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## EleGirl

Her current husband told his boss? And his boss broke confidence and told your BIL?

Uncool of the boss.

And you have no evidence to file custody over. I'm not condoning her behavior if she truly is out there doing this. But you would have to prove that she's a danger to your daughter.


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## toolforgrowth

EleGirl said:


> Her current husband told his boss? And his boss broke confidence and told your BIL?
> 
> Uncool of the boss.
> 
> And you have no evidence to file custody over. I'm not condoning her behavior if she truly is out there doing this. But you would have to prove that she's a danger to your daughter.


The boss's behavior is the last thing we need to be analyzing here.

I would argue that she's certainly unstable. I'm going to talk to my attorney and see what he says. He may say the same, but he may not. My best option right now is to seek legal counsel.


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## tom67

Unless she doesn't work and she's bringing men into their home with d their...
Well PI and document I guess.


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## toolforgrowth

tom67 said:


> Unless she doesn't work and she's bringing men into their home with d their...
> Well PI and document I guess.


She works. My understanding is that she's going other places right now, but that could change. I'm being very wary and cautious right now.

I'm extremely protective of my daughter.


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## GusPolinski

toolforgrowth said:


> She works. My understanding is that she's going other places right now, but that could change. I'm being very wary and cautious right now.
> 
> *I'm extremely protective of my daughter.*


As you should be.

And I wonder... I'm sure your ex's current husband isn't at all happy about his one-sided open marriage... do you think he'd be willing to testify on your behalf at a custody hearing?


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## tom67

toolforgrowth said:


> She works. My understanding is that she's going other places right now, but that could change. I'm being very wary and cautious right now.
> 
> I'm extremely protective of my daughter.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Is there someone in her family a sibling/parent who is more stable and have a talk with the three of you together or is it been there done that.
Sorry grasping.


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## toolforgrowth

GusPolinski said:


> toolforgrowth said:
> 
> 
> 
> She works. My understanding is that she's going other places right now, but that could change. I'm being very wary and cautious right now.
> 
> *I'm extremely protective of my daughter.*
> 
> 
> 
> As you should be.
> 
> And I wonder... I'm sure your ex's current husband isn't at all happy about his one-sided open marriage... do you think he'd be willing to testify on your behalf at a custody hearing?
Click to expand...

You know, I've thought about that. My understanding is that he's not happy at all, is quite upset (naturally). I don't know if he would be or not. We haven't spoken much. I doubt at this point he'd defy xWW. He's a big pushover when it comes to women.


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## toolforgrowth

tom67 said:


> toolforgrowth said:
> 
> 
> 
> She works. My understanding is that she's going other places right now, but that could change. I'm being very wary and cautious right now.
> 
> I'm extremely protective of my daughter.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Is there someone in her family a sibling/parent who is more stable and have a talk with the three of you together or is it been there done that.
> Sorry grasping.
Click to expand...

Kinda been there, done that. Nothing will stop my xWW from doing what (or who) she wants to do. I can't rely on reasoning with her, I can only rely on cold hard facts.


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## tom67

GusPolinski said:


> As you should be.
> 
> And I wonder... I'm sure your ex's current husband isn't at all happy about his one-sided open marriage... do you think he'd be willing to testify on your behalf at a custody hearing?


Is it worth having him over for a convo or a meet up for lunch?
All you can do is ask.
DO NOT tell him how you found out.
I if I were him would at least respect you for the effort but that is just me.


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## tom67

toolforgrowth said:


> You know, I've thought about that. My understanding is that he's not happy at all, is quite upset (naturally). I don't know if he would be or not. We haven't spoken much. I doubt at this point he'd defy xWW. He's a big pushover when it comes to women.


Give him some MGTOW links the rest is up to him.
Their are wws who can change...
Your ex is not one of them.


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## toolforgrowth

tom67 said:


> GusPolinski said:
> 
> 
> 
> As you should be.
> 
> And I wonder... I'm sure your ex's current husband isn't at all happy about his one-sided open marriage... do you think he'd be willing to testify on your behalf at a custody hearing?
> 
> 
> 
> Is it worth having him over for a convo or a meet up for lunch?
> All you can do is ask.
> DO NOT tell him how you found out.
> I if I were him would at least respect you for the effort but that is just me.
Click to expand...

I've also thought about that. I'm personally waiting for him to reach out to me...he's got my phone number. I would definitely talk to him and help him in any way I can. He's a good man who's very good to my little girl. I have nothing against him whosoever.


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## tom67

Here is a short vid he should watch here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJ-t3OnB9oY


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## toolforgrowth

I'm well versed in MGTOW. It's why I haven't remarried.  

I'm half tempted to just send it to him. No explanations.


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## toolforgrowth

Thank you to everyone who replied. It feels good to get this off my chest. Truthfully, when I found out, I triggered HARD. I have no desire to get back with her (Yuck) but it reminded me of the things she said and did to me when she cheated on me.

But now I really understand when people say, "It had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with themselves." I TOTALLY get it now.

Honestly, a part of me felt like I wasn't good enough. Now i know that no one man could ever be enough for this woman. That's a very liberating feeling...it really is all about her and her dysfunction.

Thank you TAM. It's been a long time since I've posted, but you guys are always here and helpful. I'm grateful.


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## tom67

I know I found the M thing also but stop by once in a while.

There are times when a man or woman has to wake up.
Don't be a stranger.:x
Had to throw the lips out lol.:noel:


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## Catherine602

How is your daughter doing? It may be best to get independent verification of your ex's activities and determine if it is impacting your daughter before you do anything. Is this the first episode if cheating in the 4 yrs since the D and has her behavior changed recently? Try not to ruminate about your ex, it seems too painful for you.

The boss was very unprofessional, unethical and I believe, acted illegally by sharing personal information. You have no way of knowing if it is true since it's 2nd hand gossip. It's better for you not to know what your ex does. You already know what she is capable of so you need to be especially vigilant and communicate with your daughter. That way you don't have to depend upon gossip.


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## Driedlove

toolforgrowth said:


> Thank you to everyone who replied. It feels good to get this off my chest. Truthfully, when I found out, I triggered HARD. I have no desire to get back with her (Yuck) but it reminded me of the things she said and did to me when she cheated on me.
> 
> But now I really understand when people say, "It had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with themselves." I TOTALLY get it now.
> 
> Honestly, a part of me felt like I wasn't good enough. Now i know that no one man could ever be enough for this woman. That's a very liberating feeling...it really is all about her and her dysfunction.
> 
> Thank you TAM. It's been a long time since I've posted, but you guys are always here and helpful. I'm grateful.


It's amazing how cheaters continue to inevitably cheat even when they believe so strongly they will never cheat. Is this where borderline disorder comes in?


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## toolforgrowth

Driedlove said:


> toolforgrowth said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who replied. It feels good to get this off my chest. Truthfully, when I found out, I triggered HARD. I have no desire to get back with her (Yuck) but it reminded me of the things she said and did to me when she cheated on me.
> 
> But now I really understand when people say, "It had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with themselves." I TOTALLY get it now.
> 
> Honestly, a part of me felt like I wasn't good enough. Now i know that no one man could ever be enough for this woman. That's a very liberating feeling...it really is all about her and her dysfunction.
> 
> Thank you TAM. It's been a long time since I've posted, but you guys are always here and helpful. I'm grateful.
> 
> 
> 
> It's amazing how cheaters continue to inevitably cheat even when they believe so strongly they will never cheat. Is this where borderline disorder comes in?
Click to expand...

I do think she's bi polar. Which explains why she goes hot and cold with me. Lately she's been hot (as in nice and cordial)...now I have a good idea why. Lol


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## phillybeffandswiss

toolforgrowth said:


> Exactly..


Of course you do, she's the mother of your child. It doesn't make your or Tom's observation correct. There are people who just like sex and should find a partner of equal feelings. Instead they find care takers and people that will keep the home front together and the bills paid. It makes them conniving manipulators, not necessarily addicts.

I hope he doesn't reach out, unless it concerns your daughter don't get caught up in this mess. Especially, if your ex is bipolar like you think.


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## toolforgrowth

Addict, conniving manipulator, either way it doesn't matter. Wait...can it be both?? 

My daughter seems fine, for now. I think the ex is keeping her kids insulated from it...for now at least.

I think you're right. If he reaches out, I'll tell him I don't want anything to do with it and he needs to figure it out on his own. I will tell him that she cheated on me and that I divorced her for it, but what he does is up to him. I could direct him here and leave it at that.

I'm in a "wait and observe" mode right now.


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