# Can Counseling help us???



## BOB1234

I am new to all this so the the more help the better. Me and my wife have been together for the last 8 years, married for 4. In the begining of dated we were in seprable. My had a passion that cost a lot of money to maintain and my business at the time was in a down cycle. I made my biggest mistake ever and persuaded her to give it up and get into business with my mother. Needless to say now being out of business with my mother for the last four years her resentment has built up for me persuading her to leave her dream. When we got married she was in business with my mother so we never had the crazy fun first couple years of marriage that was when we argued because she would come home and be upset with her partner who was my mother and I took the wrong side a lot of the time. I openly admit I was wrong, this led to more resentment of feeling put 2nd in my life and communication started to go down which also meant our sex life which used to be good dropped to an unhealthy level. Well 3 years ago she got out of the business which was great and we were getting much better and decieded to start a family, needless to say she had 2 miscarriages in a row 2nd one we saw the heartbeat and then the lights went out. I stayed strong I never let it show it killed me, she was a mess totally understandable. My wife is in amazing shape and is georgous, she has been begging me to get in shape with her for 3 years and I never did. 2 months ago she told me the spark we once had was gone. She said the resentment has piled up and she has just shut down, she is very monotone to me, She does not say I love you when she calls. I would give everything in the world to get things back to the way it was. She agreed to go to couples theropy I had my first individual appt and she goes next week, then we start going together. She does not want to forgive me or let me back in because she is afraid I will betray the trust of making promises and not keeping them again. I am changing I work out every day and lost 30 lbs. I was no where close to obese either. I will do anything to save my marriage. Please let me know if theropy has worked for anyone and can resentment be helped. Thanks for reading


----------



## In_The_Wind

BOB1234 said:


> I am new to all this so the the more help the better. Me and my wife have been together for the last 8 years, married for 4. In the begining of dated we were in seprable. My had a passion that cost a lot of money to maintain and my business at the time was in a down cycle. I made my biggest mistake ever and persuaded her to give it up and get into business with my mother. Needless to say now being out of business with my mother for the last four years her resentment has built up for me persuading her to leave her dream. When we got married she was in business with my mother so we never had the crazy fun first couple years of marriage that was when we argued because she would come home and be upset with her partner who was my mother and I took the wrong side a lot of the time. I openly admit I was wrong, this led to more resentment of feeling put 2nd in my life and communication started to go down which also meant our sex life which used to be good dropped to an unhealthy level. Well 3 years ago she got out of the business which was great and we were getting much better and decieded to start a family, needless to say she had 2 miscarriages in a row 2nd one we saw the heartbeat and then the lights went out. I stayed strong I never let it show it killed me, she was a mess totally understandable. My wife is in amazing shape and is georgous, she has been begging me to get in shape with her for 3 years and I never did. 2 months ago she told me the spark we once had was gone. She said the resentment has piled up and she has just shut down, she is very monotone to me, She does not say I love you when she calls. I would give everything in the world to get things back to the way it was. She agreed to go to couples theropy I had my first individual appt and she goes next week, then we start going together. She does not want to forgive me or let me back in because she is afraid I will betray the trust of making promises and not keeping them again. I am changing I work out every day and lost 30 lbs. I was no where close to obese either. I will do anything to save my marriage. Please let me know if theropy has worked for anyone and can resentment be helped. Thanks for reading


Yes it can it certainly cant hurt find a therapist that you both feel comfortable with might have to see a few also check local university for grad programs that offer family and marriage counseling these soon to be counselors are over seen by professional counselors so you get 2 for one so to speak plus they work on a sliding scale so its very affordable 

Good Luck


----------



## Introubledeep

Hi Bob 1234

I certainly could not say for sure that Marriage Counselling will help you, but I can certainly say that it helped my wife and I.

My marriage was in big trouble, I mean REALLY BIG trouble (see my other posts and you will see what I mean). Many others here seemed to agree that my marriage was virtually dead and that a recovery sounded somewhat unlikely.

I have been to Counselling once on my own, and my wife and I have been two times together, in the last few weeks. We will be continuing to go for some time...I don't know how many more times.

Our marriage still has lots of things to work through, but I have come from a place of believing it was all over and impossible to recover, to now I am in a place where I am happier in my marriage than I have been for many years. 

My wife and I are now walking on the same path together and actively solving our issues together, and emotional closeness and intimacy has been restored to a large degree. We are much happier than before, me especially. As an unexpected result, our sex life has ignited again, probably some of the sweetest and most passionate sexual intimacy we have ever had, and this is nothing short of a miracle as far as I am concerned...I certainly never even imagined this was possible, I never even hoped for this result, but it happened.

Has it solved all our problems? Far from it, but things are much better now, and our relationship is close and intimate again for the first time in 10 years. Going to marriage Counselling was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

You have everything to gain and little to lose by trying Marriage Counselling. I wish you lots of good luck.


----------

