# Reached my internal limit....help



## sooda (Mar 16, 2011)

My husband and I have been married 14 yrs, together 18 years; since my age 19. We have two children. Husband has cheated on me twice[that I know of] I have never been able to get over the affairs-husband said it was only emotional which I do not believe. He has manhandled me several times. He has threatened me [if i were to ever leave]. He is addicted to porn. When we first started dating, he said I was an embarrassment to him hence the reason why he never took me out to happy hour. He thought he could change me. He does not give me romance due to a past girlfriend cheating on him which broke his heart[this happened in his late teens-he is now 39. After the affairs, I begged hubby to pay attention to me, send me texts, call me, love me. He refused. After 17 years, I decided to begin chatting online in 2011. I had an emotional affair with him for 10 months [on and off] Hubby finally started paying attention to me after the affair. We tried counseling-only went twice-hubby did not want to continue. The therapist mentioned he has tendencies of a domestic abuser. The therapist recommended he get help. Hubby claims he now has GOD in his life and wants to make the marriage work. I personally think he is manipulating me and does not want anyone else to have me or raise his children. I feel like I deserve so much more. I want to be happy. I am tired of the games we play.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Wow, that's a lot to take in. I want to say, that regardless of whether the affairs were physical or not, they hurt the same. I'd venture to say emotional affairs are even more damaging, especially to a woman. I hate to think about the fact that my husband was confiding in another woman and saying things to her, paying her attention, and giving his thoughts to someone besides me. Now, there's a possibility he's involved in another one, and that just sickens me. I don't know how people put up with multiple fears. How do you get past that?

I would think, in your situation, that he'd need to have extensive individual counseling, followed by marital counseling. And that would be just for you to decide if you wanted to stay. He needs to prove he's changed. Physical violence is never acceptable. You aren't getting your emotional needs met, hence you emotional affair. Right now, there's lots to be sorted out. Why did he cheat? Why did you cheat? Why has he said these horrible things to you? Counseling is the only way to get to the bottom of it and decide if your marriage is worth saving.


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## sooda (Mar 16, 2011)

He cheated...he claims I do not understand him... the demands of his job....i was not paying attention to him....he wanted to be the sexy guy on tv. The affair in 2009-she was 27 and made it known that she liked him. After the affair in 2009-i basically said it was ok by having sex with him. I cheated because hubby was not paying attention to me.....i wanted to feel alive again. i wanted romance, feel like I m worthy. In my heart, the marriage has been over for a long time. I m not able to get over the affairs. I stay for the children and for fear of my husband. He did not say these horrible things to me until after the discovery of my affair. He was trying to justify why he would not take me out on happy hour and be around his co workers.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sooda said:


> He has manhandled me several times. He has threatened me [if i were to ever leave].


As in physical abuse?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Yeah that's a red card. Men who beat up girls are trash.


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## Virgo (Mar 29, 2011)

I'm all for working things out, but once he lays hands on you, game over.


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## sooda (Mar 16, 2011)

Yes, physical abuse. Getting in my face, waking me up out of a dead sleep, pulling on my arm. He has never punched me or thrown me. No bruises


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dealbreaker. Sorry. 

It's never ok.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

You need to get out of the relationship. There are other ways of abuse, not just psychical. He has cheated on you twice and IMHO an emotional affair is about as bad as it gets. Your husband should never make you feel bad about your self in anyway, this is abuse. Emotional abuse. You deserve so much better then to be with someone like him.


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