# After 25 years, she walks.



## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

First, post and not sure where to start at. 
I’ll be 66 in August, my Bride will turn 69 two weeks before me. Our 25th was on the 2 of last Month. She separated from me about 5 weeks ago while I was in the hospital recovering from a single vehicle crash. I had passed out at the wheel due to a reaction to Diazepam. I had to be airlifted to a trauma center due to the BP going below forty several times. At the trauma center, x-rays, MRI’s were taken and I had a fractured sternum, fractured ulna and radius in the right arm, along with a fracture in the right hand and a T12 compression fracture. 
The day after my admittance to the trauma center, my wife passed out in the bathroom of our house and she too had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital, where she stayed for 4 days. I still don’t know why she passed out. 
It was around the 3rd day when I was in the hospital that she called me. I was in a sedated state of semi-unconscious ( I remember very little of the first 4 days) and apparently I had jumped down her throat very rudely and with a loud voice told her I was not smoking in the hospital as she excused me of doing. Remember now she’s still in her hospital during this call. I apparently then hung up on her. Her son and daughter were with her when this call was made to me, and they could hear me screaming at her through her phone. One of them later said, at least I think this is so, that what I had done was abuse. The seed had been planted! About two days later I was able to reach her by phone. Prior to that, I was told she wasn’t taking and calls, the truth be told, she wasn’t taking any calls from me. Her son did get on the phone and gave me a what for; I think that is whom the abuse allegation came from. I fully understand that blood is thicker than water and her kids were protecting their mom. As sure as I’m typing this, they have had a major influence on her about that call. Like I said, the seed had been planted.
This time when she finally took my call (she had been discharged, and staying at her daughters' house) out of the blue I ask her,…..what do you want a divorce? Her reply was yes. I said okay I’ll get the papers drawn up. I went on to say what ever happen to in sickness and health, for richer or poor till death do us part. Her answer was….”life is too short.” I have not talked to her since the 18th of last month. 
I’m going to back up here a bit and give a little health history on the wife. She has been having memory issues over the last year, with the last 6 getting worse. She has been diagnosed with having memory loss, amnesia, depression, depression with anxiety. When she isn’t under stress these issues calm down and everything appears to be normal.
Since that last call, she has closed our accounts at the bank. Applied for government housing, changed her cell phone number, and mailing address.
The house that I’m in now was my parents and I had to fight a legal battle with the witch that moved in with him after my mom passed away. That witch had got him to believe he had no children, or that we were going to put him into a nursing home and steal the house. See, my dad was in full dementia mode at the time. He has since passed on.
All of my wife’s belongings, clothes, dishes, furniture that she had prior to us getting married “are still in this house. The only thing she took out were some clothing, personal items, and over 10K in jewelry that I have gotten her over the last 25 years.
There are two possibilities of why she has not come to get the rest of her stuff. She has no place to put it or store it. The other is a possibility of reconciliation. I have hopes for the latter, but the former keeps busting up the thought of reconciliation. 
There are two major problems in our marriage. Money, and me getting hot under the collar when she excuses me of doing something, of which I didn’t. I’ve had the issue with me since my teen years. 
My wife came from a poor family and anytime there is money available, she goes through it like wind through cotton candy. She impulse buys, she buys the things she wants but does not need. She is, in fact, a hoarder. Now I do my fair share of spending, but I try as much as possible to put off those things that I would like to have and pay the bills first. 
There is a third issue, my employment. For the last 5-7 years I’ve heard say over and over again, “I’ve had to work my whole life.” She sees me not contributing to the money shortage due to a lack of work on my part. Due to a layoff, got fired a couple of times, and due to a fractured femur bone. It took three operations and the last two years to learn to walk again. Now this accident, so I’m off for at least 6 weeks to mend my back. I’m going to do it in three.
She has meant with a former Pastor of ours, and the job situation with me is her biggest problem. I too have talked to him about all this. He says that for women, security, security, security is the primary need. With us men, I’ll primary need is sex. 
She is the Love of my life but after these weeks of separation. I’m finding myself backing away from her. She walks once, what is going to stop her again when trouble rears its ugly head.
I’m at a loss of what to do. I sent to her a typed eight-page letter on Thursday asking forgiveness concerning my screaming at her on the phone and anything else that I've done to hurt her. I did no finger pointing in her direction for things that concern me about her.

Thanks for listening.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Sorry you're here.

It sounds like some form of dementia or similar could be at play with her. But it doesn't sound like you are in a position to get her evaluated.

Do you think there is any chance she'd agree to some marriage counseling?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have her children always had an issue with you?

Have you asked to just have a visit with her to find out why she ended up in the hospital and to see for yourself if she is ok?

Perhaps if you start with simply showing that you care for her and are concerned.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I would say that you are fighting forces...fighting change from some quarter that is above your pay grade.

Do not resist, lay low for as long as you can.

Stay away from people and machinery...... as much as you can.

There is an evil cloud about you...and it knows your name and where you live.

Stay away from your wife and family.

This too shall pass. I hope it does not take you with it.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You two BOTH have problems. You have anger issues and dont work. She has possible onset of dementia and a bad spending habit. Her kids dont like you. How have you stayed together all this time? Honestly from what you describe, you'd be better off apart.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Sounds like a losing battle and nothing but pain. If she wants a divorce, put her crap on the lawn and tell her to come get it. Keep the jewelry. If you are scared to be alone, you'll find someone else if you desire.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

Thor said:


> Sorry you're here.
> 
> It sounds like some form of dementia or similar could be at play with her. But it doesn't sound like you are in a position to get her evaluated.
> 
> Do you think there is any chance she'd agree to some marriage counseling?


Before the split, I had been with her when she went to her doctor. So I know what he has said concerning her memory. Differently in play during our individual hospital stay.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Have her children always had an issue with you?
> 
> Have you asked to just have a visit with her to find out why she ended up in the hospital and to see for yourself if she is ok?
> 
> Perhaps if you start with simply showing that you care for her and are concerned.


The one son is nothing but a big mouth. Talks the talk, but no bite.

Not yet, although I have mentioned it in a letter I sent to her, she should get it tomorrow. Restricted delivery, so only she can sign for it. Not taking any chances on the kids not letting her see it.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> I would say that you are fighting forces...fighting change from some quarter that is above your pay grade.
> 
> Do not resist, lay low for as long as you can.
> 
> ...


Very cryptic you are. Please explain each of your comments.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Broadsword said:


> The one son is nothing but a big mouth. Talks the talk, but no bite.
> 
> Not yet, although I have mentioned it in a letter I sent to her, she should get it tomorrow. Restricted delivery, so only she can sign for it. Not taking any chances on the kids not letting her see it.


Do you know where she is living now? Can't you just show up? Or could you call her?


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

3Xnocharm said:


> You two BOTH have problems. You have anger issues and dont work. She has possible onset of dementia and a bad spending habit. Her kids dont like you. How have you stayed together all this time? Honestly from what you describe, you'd be better off apart.



My anger only comes to the surface when she excuses me of doing something, of which I did not. This has been going on with her over the last year, about the length of time when dementia started.

It’s more like the daughter had an issue with me. She doesn’t approve of the way I go about doing things. Constantly saying I should do this or that with the house, and not get this or that for the house. For example, when we moved into the new house the movers busted the big screen television. With our tax refund last year we got a big flat screen. The daughter said I should have bought a dishwasher instead.

We have much more good times than we have bad times. A lot of wonderful memories of us doing things together. The wife sometimes reminds me of those wife’s who say they will change the husband into what they want.
This episode with the split I cannot judge as a deal breaker when it comes to my thinking. I spent thirteen years between my divorce from the first marriage (she ran off another man – who ended up beating on her) to my current marriage. Dated many women and I knew what I was looking for. Found this one and saw many exceptional qualities in her…and I went after her and won her.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Do you know where she is living now? Can't you just show up? Or could you call her?


Yes, I know where she’s living at her daughter’s house about a half-hour drive from here. I could just show up, but don’t believe that is a good plan at this time. Even though she has changed her cell number, I know the new number already and could call her. Doing that though with her new number is not advisable. It would cause problems of which I’m not ready to deal with. Her kids would have a cow about it. They would become more entrenched in their resolve to “protect mama.”

We’re going to need to meet sooner or later, and I want her to believe it is on her terms.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

GuyInColorado said:


> Sounds like a losing battle and nothing but pain. If she wants a divorce, put her crap on the lawn and tell her to come get it. Keep the jewelry. If you are scared to be alone, you'll find someone else if you desire.



Not a losing battle just yet. The wife has always jumped first, then after a time, she realizes that she has made a mistake and corrects it with an apology. 

Oh yeah, there’s pain, poor execution on her part, when both of us was in the hospital. With both of us not our best while being under stress, the amount of pain from the wreck on me, memory problems with her, under sedation from with me because of broken sternum.

She took the jewelry with her when she came and got some clothing before I got home. She beat me here by about 2-3 hours.

I’ve thought about having the movers, move all her stuff out and put it into storage, where she can pick it up after paying a hefty storage fee. For me, that, at this time is just too mean. I want her back, not drive a bigger nail into the situation.

It’s lonely, yes. Not scared to be alone. She even took our toy poodle that was really fond of me. Now that hurt. So I’m checking into getting another one of my own…..my loneliness would be decreased with the new pet.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Broadsword said:


> Very cryptic you are. Please explain each of your comments.


I am very cryptic for a reason. I do not have a lot of broad support on TAM with respect to my lofty Aerie viewpoint, save from a few lovely and supportive *broads*...and maybe [later] a *Broad*sword.

I will PM you with more specifics.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

if she can abandon you after such a horrible accident then is she even worth fighting for? To be honest you should be thinking of retirement now, not having to carry on working to ensure she can carry on spending. She will have a shock when she lives alone and has no money to spend. 
Also how did she close the bank accounts if they are in joint names?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Broadsword said:


> She has meant with a former Pastor of ours, and the job situation with me is her biggest problem. I too have talked to him about all this. He says that for women, security, security, security is the primary need. With us men, I’ll primary need is sex.


He is correct. Have you read the book HIs Needs Her Needs? It will explain it all. As bad as my husband is, he's never NOT worked. He even took crappy, humiliating jobs to keep bringing money in, when he had to. It's probably the main reason I've never left him. Women NEED security.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> if she can abandon you after such a horrible accident then is she even worth fighting for? To be honest you should be thinking of retirement now, not having to carry on working to ensure she can carry on spending. She will have a shock when she lives alone and has no money to spend.
> Also how did she close the bank accounts if they are in joint names?


I have thought as much concerning the accident. I could focus on that negative energy just to give me an excuse. I choose to focus on the positive of our marriage. This will build a bridge big and strong. The negative one will tear down that of which I'm trying to save. 

She is focusing on the negative currently. With help from God and our former Pastor that negative outlook she has could turn back to the positive aspects of our 25 years together. What do I really have to lose?


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

I'm sorry to hear this. It's a bad situation all around. There are lots of holes in this story that beg several questions: 

1: have you been seeking therapy for anxiety? If so, why? 
2: do you have anger management issues? 
3: were you notified of the possible side effects for Diazepam before taking them? 
4: does you wife's family have a history of dementia? 
5: does your family have a history of bipolar or borderline personality disorder? 
5: you mentioned the "kids" are hers but you married her when she was 44 years old. Were they adults when you got married? If not, what was your relationship with them like? Is there any reason why they would harbor any hard feelings toward you? 
6: why would the staff at the hospital you were staying at allow you to take a telephone call if you were only semi lucid and recovering from trauma and a severe reaction to valium? 
7: do her kids have a history of trying to come between you and your wife?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Broadsword said:


> I have thought as much concerning the accident. I could focus on that negative energy just to give me an excuse. I choose to focus on the positive of our marriage. This will build a bridge big and strong. The negative one will tear down that of which I'm trying to save.
> 
> She is focusing on the negative currently. With help from God and our former Pastor that negative outlook she has could turn back to the positive aspects of our 25 years together. What do I really have to lose?


Why was she in the hospital?

How many days was she in the hospital?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

turnera said:


> He is correct. Have you read the book HIs Needs Her Needs? It will explain it all. As bad as my husband is, he's never NOT worked. He even took crappy, humiliating jobs to keep bringing money in, when he had to. It's probably the main reason I've never left him. Women NEED security.


My husband has had many periods where he had no work through no fault of his own, I would never leave him over lack of money.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Neither would I, @Diana7! But my RSXW sure did! And with absolutely no reservations whatsoever!

@Broadsword ~ please use your gut instincts when making decisions like this! After all, they are almost always more accurate than any third-party advise that you might receive!*


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Neither would I, @Diana7! But my RSXW sure did! And with absolutely no reservations whatsoever!
> 
> @Broadsword ~ please use your gut instincts when making decisions like this! After all, they are almost always more accurate than any third-party advise that you might receive!*


That just goes to how shallow she was. Where is the for richer and for poorer?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> *That just goes to how shallow she was. Where is the "for richer and for poorer?"*


*"Cold" and "Calculating," IMHO, would be the far more preeminent answer!

And as far as your other statement is concerned, , well maybe she'll get to have the opportunity to argue her case on that one before Him some day!*


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

So Sorry you're in this situation.

After one damned phone call with you probably so out of it on medication you don't remember it, she wants a divorce. This was not abuse this is opportunism. She figures you probably aren't good for any more money so she'll take what she can get now. Notice the first thing that disappeared from the house was the jewelry. 

I know how you feel and have experienced similar things with my wife. She also goes through money as fast as she can get her hands on it and was always badgering me why we didn't have more and why I can't make as much as her cousin's husband who inherited millions from his father. 

I would lawyer up and get prepared to fight her of every last cent. Don't give her a chance to come back, the damage is already done and she'll probably pull this again if you give her a chance to come back.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> My husband has had many periods where he had no work through no fault of his own, I would never leave him over lack of money.


That is refreshing to hear. Unfortunately, some women will. Which is a shame, because you need to look at such situations through a long-term viewpoint and sometimes taking any crappy job (if you can even get one) is not the best solution.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> So Sorry you're in this situation.
> 
> After one damned phone call with you probably so out of it on medication you don't remember it, she wants a divorce. This was not abuse this is opportunism. She figures you probably aren't good for any more money so she'll take what she can get now. Notice the first thing that disappeared from the house was the jewelry.
> 
> ...


Actually, I wouldn't doubt that her "kids" are the culprits here. I'm getting the sense that there's no love lost between the OP and his wife's offspring and they have an axe to grind with his "abusive" nature. They might be trying to get something out of this through the OP's wife, be it power of attorney and/or half the OP's assets. 

I'm not saying the OP is the bad guy here, only that the story has some holes in it. I'm wondering if the OP's wife is beginning to feel the effects of a degenerative mental disorder that is affecting her cognitive abilities. FWIW I don't think that this incident with him blowing up on the phone at her was the trigger, just an excuse to set some premade plans into motion. They may have known that he was not lucid enough to talk to anybody and were counting on him not being of sound mind at the time.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

m00nman said:


> Actually, I wouldn't doubt that her "kids" are the culprits here. I'm getting the sense that there's no love lost between the OP and his wife's offspring and they have an axe to grind with his "abusive" nature. They might be trying to get something out of this through the OP's wife, be it power of attorney and/or half the OP's assets.
> 
> I'm not saying the OP is the bad guy here, only that the story has some holes in it. I'm wondering if the OP's wife is beginning to feel the effects of a degenerative mental disorder that is affecting her cognitive abilities. FWIW I don't think that this incident with him blowing up on the phone at her was the trigger, just an excuse to set some premade plans into motion. They may have known that he was not lucid enough to talk to anybody and were counting on him not being of sound mind at the time.


I think you're definitely right, the kids could have been playing a role in this to to try to get money off the OP. I think it's really ashame that the OPs wife/kids use the one phone conversation when he was on drugs as evidence of abuse and plan a divorce. Talk about kicking someone when they are down.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Why was she in the hospital?
> 
> How many days was she in the hospital?


She had passed out here at the house. They couldn't find out the reason. She was in for 3 1/2 days.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

m00nman said:


> I'm sorry to hear this. It's a bad situation all around. There are lots of holes in this story that beg several questions:
> 
> 1: have you been seeking therapy for anxiety? If so, why?
> 2: do you have anger management issues?
> ...


ANSWERS:
1.	Yes I see a VA counselor once a week for this. Also I’m talking to a former Pastor we both trust.
2.	Not usually. 
3.	I believe so; I had been on them for four days previous to the wreck. No reaction was noticed. Then the day of the accident I had the one, just fainted/passed out while driving.
4.	I don’t think so, but there is a history of her mom having nervous breakdowns that required a two week stay in a facility. A couple of time this happen, I believe.
5.	Not that I know of. I’m adopted as well as the rest of my biological siblings. I’ve got a couple of sisters that too me, is a little flaky.
6.	Yes they all were adults. None that I can think of. They just want to protect mama. It’s hard telling what mama has told them. They are going to side with mama, and give her advice even if she doesn’t ask.
7.	Perhaps because no one was in the room at the time of the call.
8.	None that I have “directly seen”. In private who knows. The daughter does have a habit of voicing her opinion on different things.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> That just goes to how shallow she was. Where is the for richer and for poorer?


Good question, one that I had ask her the day she answered to my question. She said, and I quote "that's the straw that broke the camels back.

The one thing that I have learned. As the Bible says....."Love never fails." The rest can be found in 1 Corinthians Chater 13....Known as "Love Chapter."

Love is a "choice." It's not a feeling, it's not an emotion. Put it practice each and every day and it is glorious. It is self-containing, it builds on itself. The person though who has the choice can and will fail love. (Does that sound right?)

I've been around the block many times and have chosen to love those of my interest at that time. They only chose to love back, when it was convenient to them. When it was no longer convenient for them, they walk. I have been coming increasing aware that many, and I mean (men/women alike) have no concept what it means to love and how to nurture it every day. Since love never fails....that means "you" failed love.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

m00nman said:


> Actually, I wouldn't doubt that her "kids" are the culprits here. I'm getting the sense that there's no love lost between the OP and his wife's offspring and they have an axe to grind with his "abusive" nature. They might be trying to get something out of this through the OP's wife, be it power of attorney and/or half the OP's assets.
> 
> I'm not saying the OP is the bad guy here, only that the story has some holes in it. I'm wondering if the OP's wife is beginning to feel the effects of a degenerative mental disorder that is affecting her cognitive abilities. FWIW I don't think that this incident with him blowing up on the phone at her was the trigger, just an excuse to set some premade plans into motion. They may have known that he was not lucid enough to talk to anybody and were counting on him not being of sound mind at the time.


I have little doubt that the mental problems that the wife is having is affecting the marriage. Two days before I blew up on the phone, she called me on my cell phone while I was in the hospital. That call went to voice mail, when I played the voice mail back after being discharged. She was as nice and loving; she was the women that I knew. Then about 4 hours later she was rushed to the hospital from passing out. Then two days later, I blew up and one day later she wanted a divorce. Her kids were in the room at the time of her call to me. They overheard everything across the room. It was her that said that was abuse. Not one of the kids which I had thought said it.

I can say this; her kids can think they can get something. They are however, dearly wrong. Same goes for the wife, if she doesn’t give an earnests try in working on her part and meet me half-way of getting things right with us. Even then I would have to really think about it.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. At this age and after being married so long in a perfect world two people your age would be enjoying retirement together and not dealing with medical/psychological matters and worrying about money. 

It sounds like you both do have emotional problems and that yours are borne out of frustration. I will say that it sounds like she had a nervous breakdown. I wouldn't blame her for that, but her kids' involvement hasn't helped your marriage at all. 

If she is going to be that frustration then perhaps now's the time that you put that burden aside and focus on you. Let the kids take care of mama. If she doesn't come for the rest of her stuff, then box it up and put it somewhere out of sight and out of mind. No sense in throwing it away and stoking the flames of a pending battle, but if she's not going to be there for you and she's not allowing you to be there for her then neither do you need to be reminded of her.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Broadsword said:


> I have little doubt that the mental problems that the wife is having is affecting the marriage.
> 
> I can say this; her kids can think they can get something. They are however, dearly wrong. Same goes for the wife, if she doesn’t give an earnests try in working on her part and meet me half-way of getting things right with us. Even then I would have to really think about it.


Get your wife evaluated if you think mental issues are causing this. Contact senior social services if necessary.

If she files for divorce after 25 years, she'll be entitled to half assets and likely alimony. It's not up to you, it's up to the court.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> My husband has had many periods where he had no work through no fault of his own, I would never leave him over lack of money.


I'm happy to hear that.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> Get your wife evaluated if you think mental issues are causing this. Contact senior social services if necessary.
> 
> If she files for divorce after 25 years, she'll be entitled to half assets and likely alimony. It's not up to you, it's up to the court.


What the court does depends on the state. I'm in Illinois. What can $642.00 per month in SS get her. She has more coming in SS than I do.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

Update:
The wife came knocking at the door Sunday afternoon and tagging behind her was her daughter in tow with two local city police. I know them both, they know me. They said she requested them come along.

When I ask her why she felt it necessary to bring the police. She replied, “Well you never know.” She knows dawn well and good that I’m not going to doing anything. I think it was for her to use in court should it get that far. She wanted to get some of her clothes and personal items. One of those was the big jewelry box, the one with the 10k worth of stones, etc. I had thought she had taken it the day she initially came to the house to pick up items. She hadn't. She moved it to another bedroom and covered it with clothing to conceal it. I never thought about looking for it elsewhere.

I made the daughter and the other officer stay outside so I could have a chance to talk to her without interruption of any sorts from that daughter.

We talked, mostly me. I had her turn her hands over so I could see if she had her wedding rings on, she didn’t .When I ask why, and she said she didn't feel like wearing them any longer. I told her were not divorce yet. She could see that I still had my wedding band on. I ask her, you don’t want them back on either? No. You don’t want to get back together? No. She went on and said look how long we've been together, and I've tried to get you to work and you never have. I come home from work and try to get you help around the house. You didn't, you just laid there on the couch. I then said, how I could I. I couldn't walk well, couldn't lift etc. She went on to say she had been supporting us both all this time. Weill it took several days of search and I put together from the time we meant up to now. Just how many years I was unemployed "and: not collecting unemployment benefits and the years I did, and the amounts for those years of employment. A sensible person can look at it, and see that they were just plain wrong.

Well got some news for her. It’s taken me about two weeks to compile all the information to show her about my work history, and the amount that I have made over the last 25 years of being together. Whether she accepts the findings is another story.

I pressed her for some information; like you want this to be over? Yes. You want a divorce? Yes. You want to go through with this? Yes.

I ask her, is there any love for me? I don’t know. My heart is broken. I’ve got to much damage inside of me. I don’t think it can be repaired.

I told her I just want her to give us a chance to work on these problems she has. Such as the job situation, the loud voice from me, helping her around the house. Those are the only two items she focuses on. 
I ask her if she was had been thinking about doing the split for awhile..She said yes. I told her we have had many wonderful times together. Her reply, I see more bad then good. My heart is damaged, you wouldn't work, you wouldn't help me around the house, and you’re yelling at me, caused this damage. 

I told her I had issues with her, but was able to overcome them, to not let them destroy my love for her. 

I can say at this point she is fixated on the bad, she doesn't want to call up the good times and rebuild on that. She doesn't want to give herself a chance for repairing. I told her that the Pastor had told me we must forgive, forgive, and in that forgiveness, keep the past in the past and move forwarded. She again said that there is so much damage, that she can’t forget about the past.

I do think she does want to go through with ending it. But, there seems to be something else driving her wagon on this. Just not sure, at this time what it is.

I ask her to at least try; she said she didn't know if she could. She thought it wouldn't do any good. In the end, probably just to appease me. She said she’ll think about it. At which point I reminder her, it’s not going to be easy for either of us. That I now have issues with her. Like she walk once, will she walk again when she doesn't get her needs met. Can any love that remains, no matter the brightest of the fire, be enough to sustain her, to keep her going for a better marriage. That she has to give 100% in the effort, just like me. She replied back, I've felt like I've given 110 percent all these years. She said she won’t guarantee anything. But she think about it. Even think about setting down with the Pastor and let him be the guidance for us…with GOD in the center at all times.

I told her to pray for herself, for me, for us. She said she had, but nothing came of it. She wants a quick fix and God doesn’t answer our prayers always in the time span we want. Nor in the way we want. He has his own scheduled, and a better way of getting the hearts to open up. His plan is much better for us. WE JUST HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIM!

So I can say now, she has a major problem with forgiveness, and only a crudely knowledge of what Love is, and how to stroke the fires of it, so it burns bright.

She got my 8 page letter yesterday. I’m going to post it here….then tell me readers, what you think of it.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

"The letter,"


My Dearest Bride,

I can’t remember how many times I’ve started this letter.

It’s been 5 weeks today (6-22) since I last heard your voice and 6 weeks from this past Sunday since I saw your wonderful face. I’m going, to be honest with you here as I have always done in the past. Never in my wildest dream did I ever think you would leave like this. You always told me if I did that “One” thing, that would be it buddy. I’ll tell you now, I haven’t. I never even considered it in the past or even now. I can’t help but think that all those times you told me; I love you…those roots weren't deep enough to sustain you. I’m even wondering now, should we again be a couple. Since you walked away once, what’s going to stop you from doing it again, should trouble times hits again. I wonder even the amount of love you might have, will it be enough for you. How could I not think about these things?

I’ve let you be, although there were many times I wanted to call, just o hear your voice, to hear that you’re doing better. Action speaks louder than words and your action along with words…..life is too short. These were telling me you need to be left alone, so I have.

The silence I hear from you is deafening. It echoes throughout this house. It so is my prayer that you are doing better by these 5-6 weeks of me not being around. I pray that there won’t be many more.

I come to you only now in this letter to be able to convey to you how sorry I’m for having hurt you in any way. Not just recently, but over the last

***page 2***

several years. When a person says that they love someone, they show it. Show it in ways that only the intended can see and appreciate. I’m so deeply sorry that I have let you down.

You have legitimate concerns that need to be addressed. What you need is tangible proof to ease your mind of worry. I’m not going to try and make excuses to you, you probably have had one too many already. I’ll address those worries of yours further down in this letter. I wish I could write this in my own longhand, but the wrist won’t allow me too. I’m deeply saddened how things developed between us, during both your stay in the hospital and my own Not only were we separated by distance, also I believe there was a separation of the hearts as well. Look at where we are now. These two medical crises of ours, yours more so than mine, I believe is what triggered your response to that one question I ask on the last day I talked to you. However, and I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. I believe you were already thinking about leaving.

You had your medical crisis and to this day I still don’t know anything more other than you passed out in the bathroom here at the house. If it wasn’t for Yong, I wouldn’t even know that. I probably could take a reasonable belief that it was due to an overload of stress. You told me once, maybe twice that you were stressed about the house in Newton and this house also. I know you were under stress from Lenore and those girls you worked with. I’m also sure I’m another cause of that stress of which I will address shortly. Looking back, I can now see the signs that were there. A major one would be your memory. I have found out that stress can have an effect on one's memory. So can depression. Although

***page 3***

stress in itself is not the direct cause of memory loss, it will cause the memory problems to flare up. This is what I’ve been told by my doctor. I was so concerned about it; I had to ask him if I’m the cause of the memory problems. He assured me I wasn’t.

I do hope and pray that this letter will find you doing better. It would be nice to know how you’re doing, perhaps that’s better left for another day.

Sweetheart, in our early days of courtship, I did everything to let you know just how much you meant to me. With the little notes here and there, some in plain sight, others carved inside the butter dish. You said in a Valentine’s card to me one year that; “I was sometimes you’re crazy romantic husband”. You went on to say you like that part about me, and don’t ever change that. Oh, how I so love doing that. Looking back, I honestly don’t know why I let that fire, that passion dim so much. Perhaps there was something going on with me that I was unaware of. It’s not out, but as you know the fire hasn’t been burning very bright. I want to get that fire, that passion back and keep it lit, burning brightly for you to see and experience again.

You have been my lovely bride for 25 years; you are, “The Love of My life.”

I’m just not going to let those years go so easy. I just can’t wipe 25 years out, maybe you can. I know with absolute certainty I can't! It was about two to three weeks before us both going into the hospital, while we both were hugging each other in the bedroom…..you said, “Honey, don’t ever let me go! I’m

***page 4***

not making any plans of letting go. You know that all couples have their ups and downs; it’s just a part of marriage that couples share. We all are imperfect. I’m not trying to make that as an excuse for my actions of past. We have had some wonderful times together. We made our own music together. These wonderful memorable times are still with me. I could never forget them, nor can I walk away from them. It is easy when we have been hurt to run from the problems we face.

There was a time where I wanted to run. It was when you went to Mexico. It was never about you going to Mexico; it was how you told me. I was ready to chuck it all and that was only 6 years ago. During those first few days, you were gone. My anger burned hot in me; it was consuming me. I could not see past this hurt I felt. I felt betrayed! Instead of looking to see all the good, that was within you. I chose to shove the good back into a dark corner. I didn’t want to see the goodness and happiness of the previous year’s being married to you. I was fixated on the entire negative. I even drew up the papers and I was going to give them to you when you returned. Something happened though, somewhere deep inside I realized the fate of our marriage was in “My hands.” Perhaps it is again.

Honestly, I would have to say, this time, it’s in both our hands and God needs to be in the center of it all. I know at that time that I ran to God and sought outside counsel with Pastor Tucker. If it had not been for Pastor Tucker…..well I don’t want to think what might have happened. He gave me guidance, the guidance that I needed to see in what was really important to me, you. I then became fixated on all the good that I saw in you when we first met.

***Page 5***

You had life in your eyes; you had an inner beauty that made you glow. That glow went far beyond the physical. It came from within you. You had a smile like I had never seen before. There was a serenity and calmness about you. That calmness has had a profound effect on me, in the mix of any storm I may be having at any time. You can calm me down, like no other. These were the reasons of why I wanted to marry you; married to you for life and grow old together.

I had to do one other thing, I had to forgive; I made a determination then and it still stands with me to this day. I never again would allow anything negative like that to surface again.

I know what I must do to correct within myself those things that need correcting; those things that are important for your happiness. I know that one of those things is security. If I had not had the wreck at the time I did, I would have been back to work by the end of last month. I felt comfortable in walking, standing, lifting. I was ready to return to work. I was not about to injure myself further by returning to work too early. I had two miserable years of wanting to get back to normal. Do you know how that made me feel, about myself? And getting an internet job there are 439,000,000 ads on the net. You know how many are scams? Pay 75 dollars here, or a hundred there just to get the info, that amounts to nothing. I check I don’t know how many out, and they were all the same. I may be stupid, but I’m not totally dumb.

Then my wreck happens….and so many things went astray. I bet a dollar to donuts the first thing you thought….here we go again, he’s not going to be going back to work anytime soon, or ever. Well, I’m going back to work, whether

***Page 6***

you heard that before of not. Not for you, but for me, although you would or will benefit also. I’m in physical therapy because of the back. I’ve got more bulging disks in the lower back probably caused by the wreck or the broken femur. It just took the wreck to crank the pain up. I’ve been scheduled for 6 weeks of therapy. With God’s help, and prayer that will be shortened. I know losing the weight that I have, thirty-one pounds since I went into the hospital will help considerably. I’ve gone from 206 to 175 currently. Yeah for me.

You even said on the phone one day while I was in the hospital, (the first day I think) everything is falling apart and you were crying. It hurts me deeply to see you cry, to hear you cry, especially if I’m the cause of it. I even remember you saying on that day, you missed me already. Was this missing me already a prelude to what was about to take place? Everything after that, my memory is just a blur.

I desire nothing but the best for you. Why do you think I fought so hard to get the house? It wasn’t because of not wanting that Avis to have it. It was for you, for you to have.

I was not at my best on that day where I gave to you, that which you did not deserve. You know where I yell at you and someone said that is abuse. To me, it matters not, that I wasn’t completely myself because of the sedation being given to me. I was at my very worse then, but, you may ask. “What about those days that I wasn’t?” I have no excuse, I offer no excuse. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I’m seeking help with Larry and Sheryl at the VA, along with counsel

*** Page7***

with Pastor Tucker…..and I’m praying and seeking for Gods help. Whatever direction God leads me, I shall seek.

Twenty years or so ago you ask me to say a prayer over a meal we were about to have. Before my prayer was finished, you started crying. When did I ask you why the tears? You said; I’ve been praying for God to bring me a husband who loves God like I do.” I pray that I’m still that person to you. I humbly ask; will you please forgive me.

While talking to Pastor Tucker a few days ago, he said one of the things we must do is forgive and forgive and seek forgiveness. That both of us must start anew, and forget about the past in that forgiveness. Only then can we move together forward.

Don’t give up on me just yet, don’t give up on yourself, and don’t give up on God in helping us in our marriage. We have beaten back problems in the past not only as individuals but as a couple. We can do it again. Dig deep, and have faith. Pray for yourself in this matter, pray for me and pray for us. God can do wonderful things for us both. We both have experienced God stepping in and helping us. Especially in your health with the kidneys. We just have to listen to him. Seek after God, my love and talk to Pastor Tucker.

…..”I miss you so dearly”

You are, and shall remain….” the Love of My Life”

With love,

***Page 8***

Your husband
Ephesians 5:25….never again will I forget.





--


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Seems you asked every question except one very large important one... is there someone else??

You should not have given her that letter. You went belly up, and women DO NOT respect that in a man.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that you compiled your work history. Would you mind posting it here? Of course do not put the names of companies, just maybe the type of job, if it was full/part time and dates (mm/yy) of employment?

Has she worked the whole time? 

Seeing the percentage of your joint income that you brought in.

It would really help to see that I think.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that the letter is fine. You expressed your feelings. Nothing wrong with that at all.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> if she can abandon you after such a horrible accident then is she even worth fighting for? To be honest you should be thinking of retirement now, not having to carry on working to ensure she can carry on spending. She will have a shock when she lives alone and has no money to spend.
> 
> Also how did she close the bank accounts if they are in joint names?


His wife is 69 years old and has apparently been the primary breadwinner for a long time. She has some serious health issues that could be causing her confusion and a lot of distress. When exactly does she get to retire and stop working? If she is the one who has been working, why would it be a shock to her if he does not work? Why would that limit her spending? Perhaps if she were not married to him and have to support him, she could have more money for herself.

There is a lot going on here and we don't have her side of the story. But it might be good to realize that there is her side too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm just wondering if your wife's mental issues are causing her a lot of distress and that's what is leading to her wanting to leave... to run from the distress.

When you said in your first post that your wife fainted a bit after hearing about your accident, the following is what came to my mind.

When I was 23 I was married to a guy who ended up in the hospital with an intracranial aneurism on our first anniversary. He had to have brain surgery. Just before he went into surgery I was standing by his hospital bed talking to him. My MIL was there too. Apparently, I just suddenly fainted in mid-sentence. I hit the floor. A few minutes later I came to, laying there on the floor looking up at the bottom of his hospital bed.

It's apparently not unusual for a person to faint when they get really bad news. Fainting at the age of 23 is not a big worry. Fainting like that at you wife's age can be a very big worry. She might have even had a small stroke or other event.

Your wife has some serious health problems. She is 69 and is still working. She might be coming to a point where she knows that she cannot work much longer and it’s scaring her. The burden just might be too much for her now.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

3Xnocharm said:


> Seems you asked every question except one very large important one... is there someone else??
> 
> You should not have given her that letter. You went belly up, and women DO NOT respect that in a man.


I really didn't think I need to ask that question. I had one wife before that cheated on me, and she had the means and opportunity. Although it hurt, I got over it, and still tried to save the marriage. Of course it didn't work.

Going belly up. Yes there are women out there that do disrespect their mate who try and patch things up. But, not all women think like this. There are women, and my wife being one of them, who like for their mate to share their feelings. They do like to see a man, man up to the things that he has done wrong. It lets the women know that he's not just thinking of himself. I've never known a relationship mend where the guy just acted like nothing happen. 

I've read all the stories (well mot of them) where the women had no respect for the man where he cam back on hands and knees begging for the wife to come back.

I do my best to practice my beliefs of my faith in Christ in helping. Me more so than here. She waits 3-5 months before she will approach God and ask for help. She might prey, and actually does, but she expects immediate results. God doesn't work that way. We have a habit of praying for the wrong think, where he has a solution that would benefit us greatly, and He gets all the glory.

Here's a good example. You pray to God that you will win the 250 mega-million drawing thats coming up later that week. And you don't win. Why, you prayed, God "listens" to all prayers and all prayers are answered. God knows that for you to win the big bucks it would do you more harm than good, and God gets no Glory.

When she was here Sunday, I ask her if she had been praying for herself, for me, and for us. Her answer was yes....then she said, "It all came to nothing. God didn't give up on her, she however gave up on God. 

Until she turns that around, we both will be in limbo!


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

3Xnocharm said:


> Seems you asked every question except one very large important one... is there someone else??
> 
> You should not have given her that letter. You went belly up, and women DO NOT respect that in a man.


I really didn't think I need to ask that question. I had one wife before that cheated on me, and she had the means and opportunity. Although it hurt, I got over it, and still tried to save the marriage. Of course it didn't work.

Going belly up. Yes there are women out there that do disrespect their mate who try and patch things up. But, not all women think like this. There are women, and my wife being one of them, who like for their mate to share their feelings. They do like to see a man, man up to the things that he has done wrong. It lets the women know that he's not just thinking of himself. I've never known a relationship mend where the guy just acted like nothing happen. 

I've read all the stories (well mot of them) where the women had no respect for the man where he cam back on hands and knees begging for the wife to come back.

I do my best to practice my beliefs of my faith in Christ in helping. Me more so than her. In times of trails, God is the first person I chase after even harder. She waits 3-5 months before she will approach God and ask for help. She might prey, and actually does, but she expects immediate results. God doesn't work that way. We have a habit of praying for the wrong think, where he has a solution that would benefit us greatly, and He gets all the glory.

Here's a good example. You pray to God that you will win the 250 mega-million drawing thats coming up later that week. And you don't win. Why, you prayed, God "listens" to all prayers and all prayers are answered. God knows that for you to win the big bucks it would do you more harm than good, and God gets no Glory.

When she was here Sunday, I ask her if she had been praying for herself, for me, and for us. Her answer was yes....then she said, "It all came to nothing. God didn't give up on her, she however gave up on God. 

Until she turns that around, we both will be in limbo!


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> You say that you compiled your work history. Would you mind posting it here? Of course do not put the names of companies, just maybe the type of job, if it was full/part time and dates (mm/yy) of employment?
> Has she worked the whole time?
> Seeing the percentage of your joint income that you brought in.
> It would really help to see that I think.


Employment for me and $ amounts.
Starting in 1991 – end of June 2017
91…$7,478
92…$6,815
93…$ 0.000 *
94…$ 0.000 *
95….$ 0.000 *
96… $ 6,563
97…$ 14,959
98…$ 9.072
99… $ 0,000
20…$ 10,781
01…$ 8.841
02…$ 6.063
03…$ 7,183
04…$ 3,478
05…$ 0,000 Won liability lawsuit in the amount of $35.000 (Net to me $5,600) (my accident)
06…$ 0,000
07…$ 14,317
08…$ 18,689 + $2,802 Unemployment benefits
09…$ 13,203 + $8, 661 Unemployment benefits
10…$ 64,751 + $ 1,560 Unemployment benefits
11…$ 3,241 + $10,816 Unemployment benefits
12… $ 987 + $ 15, 847 Unemployment benefits
13… $ 0.000
14…$ 0,000
15… $ 0.000 
16… $ Not yet recorded on SS site. 
2017 till July 2017 $ 0.000 #
• Periods of unemployed 1993, 1995, 1996. Took time off to remodel the old house and we had open up a woodworking shop and a store front. All monies went back into the business for growth. Downturn in economy caused shop and store front closing. 
•	Periods of unemployed 1999, 2005, 2006, 2013, 2014
# Periods of unemployment 2015, 2016, 2017 Broke left femur bone in 2015, requiring 3 
operations, extensive physical therapy to learn to walk again. Had to use wheel chair, walker, 
and had progress to cane by mid June. By end of June would have been off cane. 

Total time of unreported income…..8 years. Time not include for broken femur

Employment for her in $ amounts
Starting in 1991 – end of 2016

91…$ 6,338
92…13,138
93…$ 17,282
94…$ 16.992
95…$ 18,777
96….$ 7,317
97…$ 6,123
98…$2, 845
99… $ 0.000
20… $ 0.000
01… $ 0,000
02…$ 18,187
03…$ 23,400
04… $23,850
05…$ 0.000 Won liability lawsuit in the amount of $150,000 ($ 61,000 net to her) (her accident)
06….$ 0.000
07…$ 0.000
08…$ 0.000
09…$ 0.000
10…$ 0,000
11…$ 0.000
12…$ 5,060
13…$ 19,000
14…$ 23,700
15…$ 21,291
16…$ 20,706
Total time of unreported income…8 years

I haven't include in the above figures what each of draw per month in SS.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I'm just wondering if your wife's mental issues are causing her a lot of distress and that's what is leading to her wanting to leave... to run from the distress.
> 
> When you said in your first post that your wife fainted a bit after hearing about your accident, the following is what came to my mind.
> 
> ...


After being admitted to the hospital for fainting here at the house. The doctor told her she can't work anymore. No reason was given. Although she thinks it has to do with her memory loss and taking care of the elderly properly. She does know that she has a problem with memory. She wouldn't face it at first. I had too, and gladly so, help her through those times with she was not functionally mentally.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

Hard numbers... 

Total income for both the wife and myself from the time we met in 1990 to 2016.

Wife's total income.....$ 236,730.00

My total income.........$ 239,901.00


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

sounds like you wife loses nothing when leaving you but gaining peace and quite, staying away from your anger issues.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I asked about your employment history to get some sense of what might be bothering her. You certainly posted a lot more than I would have expected. Thanks for that. 

Here what my breakdown...

Her - 10 years of unemployment - 1999, 2000, 2001, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011

You - 11 years of unemployment - 1993, 1994, 1995, 1999, 2005, 2006, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017
You - 5 years of partial unemployment 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012

When I added up the amount each of you have earned over the years I got a sum different than what you got (excel did the addition, not me). This does not include the insurance settlements, or as you say your insurance.

Her - $244,006
You - $236,107

What is most notable for the current situation in the more recent years. 

You have not worked for the last 5 years due at least in part to your medical issues. Does your wife think that you used your disability as an excuse to not go back to work and do things around the house? From things you have said, it sounds to me like that's her perception.

With your new accident, you are looking at another long recovery. I would imagine that it's probably highly unlikely that you will ever be able to work again. Not if you could not work with your previous injury. Have you been collecting disability all this time?

During the last 5 years when you have not been working, your wife has. She is probably also drawing social security.

Life is often very unfair as it seems to have been to both of you. You have been dealing with physical disability for some time now. Your wife is no dealing with a serious mental decline.

What you posted, to me, enforces that thought that your most recent accident was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to say. 

Your wife is 69 and has some now noticeable mental decline. She probably is not going to be able to work much longer. I really wonder if it's just too much for her to handle now. 

I really don't think that she is being an evil person. I think that she is sadly an older women who is suffering from mental decline and knows that she cannot do this anymore... not where she has to work to support two people, take care of a man who once again will be in recovery from serious injuries for years, and basically do everything in the house, etc. 

Like I said, life is often not fair at all. Your situation is profoundly sad. 

I wonder if you continue to reach out to her and be there for her, if it would bring her back around. I know you have some serious physical recovery issue now too. But maybe your relationship needs to be redefined to deal with both of you having serious health problems now.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jesus, you two are going to be living in homeless shelters. And probably not together. WTH?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turnera said:


> Jesus, you two are going to be living in homeless shelters. And probably not together. WTH?


Yep, he says that get gets $486 or so a month in SS. She gets more, but we don't know how much more.

It sounds to me like her children are willing to help her out, probably financially. I'll bet that they are not willing to help support Broadsword. That might be a large part of it here.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I asked about your employment history to get some sense of what might be bothering her. You certainly posted a lot more than I would have expected. Thanks for that.
> 
> Here what my breakdown...
> 
> ...


I also used excel to calculate the numbers. The only years that I use for myself as being unemployed, that is not receiving either a payroll check, or unemployment benefits was 1999, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2014. I know that I had money coming in for the business in 94,95 and 96. Off employment with only SS coming in was 2015, 2016 and 2017. My SS amount you have is wrong. Its 691.41 and hers as 807.08. My SS should go up about another 100 once I can get Medicaid approval. That should happen in the next couple of months.

You could be right about to much to handle right now. 

I'm on the mend, physical therapy going well. Putting in applications come next week for employment. I foresee no further delay in physical abilities. 

I don't think so on the excuse part about me not going to work. I just wasn't fit to work. I did have to learn to walk all over again. And if it hadn't been for this latest accident. I would have found and been employed by the end of last month. 

I wish I had waited to draw SS at 65. It would have doubled my benefits.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

turnera said:


> Jesus, you two are going to be living in homeless shelters. And probably not together. WTH?


....not likely. She has her daughter. I have a home which in all reason, is paid for. No monthly mortgage payments. Just basic stuff. Cable, Internet, phone, and utilities (which are all combined into one bill.)


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

BeautyBeast said:


> sounds like you wife loses nothing when leaving you but gaining peace and quite, staying away from your anger issues.



Because I blew up on one phone call. I have anger issues? Really. The medication had a lot to due with that.

Your no positive help, just more negative junk.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Broadsword said:


> *I wish I had waited to draw SS at 65. It would have doubled my benefits.*


Amen!

Once you start working again, you can stop receiving payments, suspend them. Let it grow while you re-contribute to SS. It will not grow at 8% a year, but new payments will be larger.

Stuff as much into 401K's and Roth IRA's. This money spread out over 20 years after you retire will help.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Broadsword said:


> Because I blew up on one phone call. I have anger issues? Really. The medication had a lot to due with that.
> 
> Your no positive help, just more negative junk.


Sssh!

You are proving her point!

The ladies here miss nary a word or a phrase. 

Your Sun and Mars [effect] mirrors my own.....

Just Sayin'


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

turnera said:


> Jesus, you two are going to be living in homeless shelters. And probably not together. WTH?


Nope, not going to happen.

This guy will bounce back....

He just needs to bite his lip and to learn how to avoid dangerous situations.

His wife is a beautiful women...he does not want to lose her. 

Lose her to overly protective relatives, lose her to dementia. I would check to see what medications she is on. And what her blood sugar levels are. Check for brain tumors.

The brain lives on sugar.

And so does my Peter Built.


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## CaliRN13 (Jun 30, 2017)

Why were you driving and taking Diazepam? It is a controlled substance. I don't know you or your wife. Has there been other questionable behaviors such as this through out your marriage. Since you do not work who is going to pay your bill? Anyone file DUI charges? 
That may be the reason she is leaving.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

CaliRN13 said:


> Why were you driving and taking Diazepam? It is a controlled substance. I don't know you or your wife. Has there been other questionable behaviors such as this through out your marriage. Since you do not work who is going to pay your bill? Anyone file DUI charges?
> That may be the reason she is leaving.


Not all people react to certain medications. Since I had been on this for 4 days, at 4 pills per day, There was no reaction to it. It was just this one day, that it affected me. I've have had a high tolerance to prescription medications. If I remember correctly, that was only the second pill for the day. 

Not sure I understand you about questionable behavior? please explain.
The bill is being paid by Medicare and I'm getting financial help from the hospital I was in. The helo ride was....get this, $64k for a 15 minute flight. I have yet to recv any statements from the emergency room, or the trauma center. I suspect when it is said and done....I'm guessing in an excess of over 100k.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Nope, not going to happen.
> 
> This guy will bounce back....
> 
> ...


I hope to bounce back. I can say with utmost certainty that I'm bouncing off the walls now. If I keep my eyes on Christ I do well. However when I blink, that one who goes about the earth looking to devour nails me every time and I get so depressed and fill my head with so many negative thoughts....it almost destroys me.

My sister said to me that I'm a survivor. Never thought of myself in that manner.

Speaking of my sister. I like to get a hold of her and twist her tail into a thousand knots. Up until about two weeks ago I was able to access my wifes medical records at her doctors office. I had sign her up months before for the patient portal. A place where we can get information on upcoming appointments and see tests results. 

That sister who sticks her nose into everything. Up and told or hinted to the wife or her daughter I was viewing those records. I have since been unable to view tests results and check on any new medications. Prior to the lock out. The wife's kidney function was way off. In 2005 the wife and I were ran off the road by a semi-truck and we took one wild ride. I remember well that year. The wife had to get shots in her neck...very dangerous place to get them....one slip up, one wrong move on the wifes part. Total paralysis from the neck down. Those shots somehow caused her kidneys to malfunction, and she went into end stage, category 5 renal failure. She had to go on dialysis three times a week for 11 months.

The doctors gave one chance out of a thousand that if it was the medication that caused this renal disease, she might be able to get off dialysis. 

Let me say here and now, not only did she get off dialysis, her kidneys filters "repaired" themselves. The only organ in the body that can do this is the liver. My wife received a miracle from on high. The doctors still can't believe this, never in their medical history of treating patients has this every occurred. 

God is great, never forget that readers. 

As for the medications she was taking prior to my lockout. They have her on Aricept for the Alzheimer’s. Anti-depression medicine and anti-anxiety medicine. The wife's potassium levels were way off the charts, and she knows better not to let that get out of hand. Glucose levels were elevated too.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your wife is leaving you......leaving all of us behind. Her conscious, lucid days are counting down. When her mind goes, the body will follow.Stay away from her relatives...they fear you. They can do you harm.
You have enough enemies [on the other side]. Lay low.

Reel in your passion and temper. Direct your energy into getting healthier and stronger. Stay away from moving equipment, as much as possible.

Begin some sort of aerobic program/workout. Whatever you can do daily.

Do the Mediterranean Diet and avoid alcohol and drugs. You are in for a fight for your life.....again. Some force has your number. And you are cooperating with it.

Your wife's kidneys are not in good working condition....still. Kidneys regulate the amount of potassium in the body [she has excess]. Potassium also has an effect on glucose levels [ her levels are too high] Her kidneys are not "healed". They may have gotten better, not needing dialysis.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Broadsword said:


> She has meant with a former Pastor of ours, and the job situation with me is her biggest problem. I too have talked to him about all this. He says that for women, security, security, security is the primary need. With us men, I’ll primary need is sex.


He is full of it. I get so tired of hearing this crap. Yes men like sex, but sex is the means to the end. Not the end itself. The primary purpose for having sex within a relationship is the need to connect, for most women, the connection comes with commitment (ie security) for men the connection comes thru the physical contact of that arises from sex. The equation as laid out by this bozo (and repeated ad nauseum) grants the noblest of intentions to the woman and makes the guy into a dog in heat.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If your wife can no longer work then maybe she feels she needs her children, in order to help support her, more than she feels she needs you. Maybe it's a security issue for her.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Can your kidneys not working properly cause mental symptoms like confusion? Foggy thinking?


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Can your kidneys not working properly cause mental symptoms like confusion? Foggy thinking?



Unknown.


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## CaliRN13 (Jun 30, 2017)

Broadsword said:


> Not all people react to certain medications. Since I had been on this for 4 days, at 4 pills per day, There was no reaction to it. It was just this one day, that it affected me. I've have had a high tolerance to prescription medications. If I remember correctly, that was only the second pill for the day.
> 
> Not sure I understand you about questionable behavior? please explain.
> The bill is being paid by Medicare and I'm getting financial help from the hospital I was in. The helo ride was....get this, $64k for a 15 minute flight. I have yet to recv any statements from the emergency room, or the trauma center. I suspect when it is said and done....I'm guessing in an excess of over 100k.


Drinking 2 beers and getting into a MVA is the same thing. You are under the influence of a controlled substance. You cannot prove you were not impaired. Well I guess you were in a MVA because you fell asleep (a normal side affect). Maybe your prescription addiction could be the source of her wanting to leave. I am a trauma Nurse I am well aware of the costs surrounding them. 
You may want to get into personal therapy.
Good Luck, glad you didn't injure anyone else...


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## CaliRN13 (Jun 30, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Can your kidneys not working properly cause mental symptoms like confusion? Foggy thinking?


NO... But taking certain medications can. Too much or too little Potassium (K+) effects your heart, sometimes critically.


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

CaliRN13 said:


> Drinking 2 beers and getting into a MVA is the same thing. You are under the influence of a controlled substance. You cannot prove you were not impaired. Well I guess you were in a MVA because you fell asleep (a normal side affect). Maybe your prescription addiction could be the source of her wanting to leave. I am a trauma Nurse I am well aware of the costs surrounding them.
> You may want to get into personal therapy.
> Good Luck, glad you didn't injure anyone else...


Oh bull****. There is no addiction, none what so ever. Before I passed out I ask God not to allow me to hurt anyone, and He heard me and did just that. No one was hurt except for me.


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

Broadsword said:


> Because I blew up on one phone call. I have anger issues? Really. The medication had a lot to due with that.
> 
> Your no positive help, just more negative junk.


You don't need any positive help. The whole purpose of starting the topic is to BS about how good you are and how wrong your wife is. basically you are not looking to improve the situation, you are looking to BS about it and collect the empathy. Sounds like your wife is sick and tired, therefore you are looking for audience elsewhere.

You received few very good advices here, how many did you follow?


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## Broadsword (Jun 24, 2017)

BeautyBeast said:


> You don't need any positive help. The whole purpose of starting the topic is to BS about how good you are and how wrong your wife is. basically you are not looking to improve the situation, you are looking to BS about it and collect the empathy. Sounds like your wife is sick and tired, therefore you are looking for audience elsewhere.
> 
> You received few very good advices here, how many did you follow?


No one is good, except one....and you don't know Him.


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