# My wife must think I'm an idiot.



## TEnumber82 (Mar 11, 2015)

Ladies and gentlemen, please, if I'm being paranoid, insecure, or childish, *do not hesitate* to let me know. I'll be as thorough as I can be to describe this situation.

My wife and I have been married for almost a year come May. The dating and the engagement were fine, and shortly after we moved in to our new home in August, things quickly began to unravel. She revealed that she cheated one time prior to our marriage (early into the relationship), and of course that pissed me off. I supported her financially as I asked her to refocus her career (which was making her miserable) for a few months, and she ended up getting a part time job in October that would eventually become full time recently. That job has coincided with a complete physical/emotional distance from nearly the day she started. And now her boss is starting to creep me out. Since then:

She's received gifts from him.

He'll text her until late, and he'll start texting early.

She tells me that he compliments her on her appearance all the time.

He's asked her out on dubious dates where we're bound to have commitments, like Valentine's Day.

His long term marriage went into divorce (though he and his wife were perfectly happy at the Christmas party).

He's keeping the divorce a secret from the office, and will go through great lengths to keep it a secret. Of course, my wife is in the know.

His kids quit the company.

My wife will need some information imperative to her task from the kids, who still have the information, and they're extremely rude to her.

Her boss stepped out of the office yesterday for a few hours, and his daughter blows up my wife's phone, and only my wife's phone in regards to her dad's whereabouts like this is 1985 and the dude doesn't have a cell phone or an office phone lmao.

The company prides itself for not doing overtime, yet my wife will work longer hours now.

My wife and I have not had sex in the entire time she's been working at that company. Literally since Day 1.

My wife no longer wears her ring to work.

Now for the sake of being thorough, if you were to hear my wife tell the story, she'd tell you that I've had a bad attitude about her new job since the moment she got hired. Which is true to an extent, but not because she got a job, and I'm against women in the workforce or any of that garbage. The reason I wasn't exactly thrilled was because this was her first job interview from the day she had started applying late in September, and we needed a double income more than we needed her to "keep busy" with a part time job because of our new expenses at the time. I gave her a ride there to motivate her, among with the advice to sit on it no matter what so she could see what else was out there. What does she do? Is offered the 15-hour a week job on the spot, and takes it on the table. Of course I was happy for her, I'm not Debra Downer, but if anything, I was just sort of irked that she didn't consider my advice for a second. This would eventually play into some of her anger later, when after Thanksgiving through the new year, she was working minimal hours, and the holidays required _a lot_ of effort on my behalf.

So anyway, the rodeo is in town right now, and her parents had some extra concert tickets to a show they weren't interested in going to. They have the entire lot actually, and they'll distribute them among kids, friends, and even hairdressers. So to be nice, they gave my wife some tickets for her to give to her boss, who immediately asked her to go with him. She came home needing like she needed a shower because she was so creeped out, and that was on Monday. Yesterday, she just flat out tells me that she's going, but gets pissed off that I'm getting a ride to work from the front desk girl who lives a block away. That resulted in a fight where I had to call AAA to jump my car to avoid my ride, yet she didn't feel like her outing with her boss was out of line.

I don't own my company, but I run the damn thing. She works for an IT company, I work for a massive oil and gas company. Our guys are out in the field for hours on end, lost, hurt, short of supplies, the customer is up our ass, and there is just so much miscommunication between management and the clients that our phones are ringing/texted/emailed 24 hours a day. That's when we're not juggling Homeland Security and D.O.T. in regards to the transport of our products and services. I have my executive assistant, and I wouldn't dare send a text past 8pm, for a number of reasons, but mainly because she's married and there's nothing that is so damn important that I can't relay to her at a more appropriate time like after 5am. My wife isn't an executive assistant, she's really just a hybrid front desk girl that also orders lunch for the guys, and picks up laundry when not filing paperwork and answering phones. I'm not saying that with the intention of sounding rude, but rather to illustrate that there's nothing to talk about past 9pm. Not even 8.

After much bickering yesterday, she seemingly finally gave in that it was not right, and that lasted up until the morning when we were getting ready. I knew what was coming up, as soon as she put on her cowboy boots and her ridiculous belt buckle. Sure enough, she'd bring it up again, until i just flat out told her that I wasn't comfortable with the situation. Why? Refer back to the list up there. My wife is the only woman that works for that company. She is beautiful. We've gone through this before when every one of her guy friends that is always single asks her out to be their date for X event (weddings, holiday parties, dancing, rodeo, etc.). I'm not a pimp, if I was in the pretty girl for hire business, I'd have been a career pimp since Day 1, and I wouldn't marry my product. As far as my discomfort with the whole situation, again, refer to the list. There is a chance that I may be wrong, but this would be like that movie Rear Window, where the guy ends up being a night time gardener instead of a murderer. All the clues are there, the suspicion is mounting, and it would take a hell of a twist ending here for me to be completely wrong.

I guess the final kicker is that today is my mom's birthday, and over the weekend we had talked about taking her out on the day. Of course she's home, depressed, and asleep already because she didn't go, but even her own in-laws birthday wasn't enough of a deterrent to have her committed to something else tonight. We haven't gone out in some time. Every time I suggest it, it's a damn chore. Her bra is off, and it's just SO MUCH work to put it back on. Ugh. Getting ready. Ugh. Showering? Forget about it. Boss asks you out to the rodeo? Dress and priss to the nines!

Her defense of all of this is that gross, no way, no how, no way Jose. She's 6' tall, and her boss is her dad's age and 5'6". GROSS. Not happening. Her ex before me? Pushing 50, 5'7". Give me a break. Hell, I was asked out to the rodeo by the nice intern we hired not long ago, but she didn't know I was married (I'm usually wearing gloves of some sort). Wife tries to act all liberal by acting like she'd be ok with me going, but there's a difference between being liberal, and not giving a damn. So seriously, with all of that, it almost feels embarrassing to ask if I'm being paranoid or not, but it's worth the shot. Women, what would you do in her situation? Guys, what would you do in my situation? Fundamentally speaking in regards to handling being asked out by your boss/your wife is asked out by her boss, of course. Not "eat a bullet because you haven't been laid since October" lol. Any questions? Feel free to ask.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

why does she not wear her wedding ring to work?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TEnumber82 said:


> Ladies and gentlemen, please, if I'm being paranoid, insecure, or childish, *do not hesitate* to let me know. I'll be as thorough as I can be to describe this situation.
> 
> My wife and I have been married for almost a year come May. The dating and the engagement were fine, and shortly after we moved in to our new home in August, things quickly began to unravel. She revealed that she cheated one time prior to our marriage (early into the relationship), and of course that pissed me off. I supported her financially as I asked her to refocus her career (which was making her miserable) for a few months, and she ended up getting a part time job in October that would eventually become full time recently. That job has coincided with a complete physical/emotional distance from nearly the day she started. And now her boss is starting to creep me out. Since then:
> 
> ...


Ugh:scratchhead::scratchhead:
Dude RUN!!!!
And don't look back.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TEnumber82 said:


> Ladies and gentlemen, please, if I'm being paranoid, insecure, or childish, *do not hesitate* to let me know. I'll be as thorough as I can be to describe this situation.
> 
> My wife and I have been married for almost a year come May. The dating and the engagement were fine, and shortly after we moved in to our new home in August, things quickly began to unravel. She revealed that she cheated one time prior to our marriage (early into the relationship), and of course that pissed me off. I supported her financially as I asked her to refocus her career (which was making her miserable) for a few months, and she ended up getting a part time job in October that would eventually become full time recently. That job has coincided with a complete physical/emotional distance from nearly the day she started. And now her boss is starting to creep me out. Since then:
> 
> ...


Holy crap, man... are you a f*cking sadist? Just divorce already.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

I woulkd bet my bottom dollar she is having an affair. All the red flags are there and more.

Srap a VAR underneath her Car Seat. See what you dig up. Its time you did the 180 on her hard.


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## TEnumber82 (Mar 11, 2015)

Maneo said:


> why does she not wear her wedding ring to work?


Whenever we fight, she'll stop wearing it. This last time, she took it to her parents safe (allegedly), and kept it there to save it from herself. Or whatever. Either way, it hasn't been worn in 2 months. 

You know, I feel bad in a way, because if I am wrong, I could definitely be cutting her down. But her boss's divorce, the thing with the ring, and her promotion to full time employment have all coincided within days. 

It just doesn't look right. You could argue that this is some sort of cosmic coincidence, but damn me if it isn't.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Whether or not she's cheating... who knows? Although there are TONS of red flags suggesting she is, at the very least, emotionally involved with the boss. Quite possibly they are physically involved too.

Never mind that for the moment -- she is incredibly disrespectful of you and your marriage. And you seem fed up with it all.

Ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be married to.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Just for reference…. I am a partner in a small IT firm. It is all guys except for a “hybrid” female employee, who does pretty much the same things you described (minus ordering our lunch and running our personal errands). She answers the phone, does our billing, places orders, ect…. She is important since most of us run around all day. She is also married with kids.

I have her cell phone number. She has mine. That is normal. But, I cannot tell you the last time we texted or called about something non-business related. 

If I need to ask her something, or tell her something, I send her an email and she sees it when she comes to work in the morning.

There is no reason for her to be in constant contact with anyone at her office.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TEnumber82 said:


> Whenever we fight, she'll stop wearing it. This last time, she took it to her parents safe (allegedly), and kept it there to save it from herself. Or whatever. Either way, it hasn't been worn in 2 months.


Who cares? Divorce.



TEnumber82 said:


> You know, I feel bad in a way, because if I am wrong, I could definitely be cutting her down. But her boss's divorce, the thing with the ring, and her promotion to full time employment have all coincided within days.


You're not wrong. It's not a coincidence.

Divorce.



TEnumber82 said:


> It just doesn't look right. You could argue that this is some sort of cosmic coincidence, but damn me if it isn't.


Again, no coincidence. They're f*cking.

Divorce.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

You're suspicions are most likely completely spot on....I'm sorry.

Get a hold of this POS's daughter or W...frankly ask them why they are so hostile to your W, and tell them you have your own suspicions since this POS has been asking her out on dates constantly, and texting her at totally inappropriate hours.

Sounds to me like his W may have caught them, and it has been exposed to his family....but for some reason the BW has not bothered to tell you.

It makes no sense to me, but some BS seem to feel guilty about causing pain to the OBS, or being responsible for destroying another person's M.

The illogical point of this thinking is they are not doing either of these things....the pain and M destruction has already been done by the actions of the POS cheaters...all they are doing is giving the OBS the benefit of knowing the reality of their life and M.

Sorry again...but your W's behaviors all point to an A with this POS boss.

Get confirmation from OMW (sounds like she knows already) and then expose your WW to both of your families and all friends.

Then file for D....and since she is cheating a year into the M, follow through with the D and get rid of her.

A person who cheats in the honeymoon phase of their M is beyond broken....and it will probably happen again in the future.

No kids?.....RUN!!!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Oh and for the record I'm 5'7" but I assure you I am not gross and my gf is 32.
I'm 47 but I would NEVER get involved with an attached woman.
Anyway you stuck a nerve.:lol:
Kidding.
Now end this farce and live your life.


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## TEnumber82 (Mar 11, 2015)

Sports Fan said:


> I woulkd bet my bottom dollar she is having an affair. All the red flags are there and more.
> 
> Srap a VAR underneath her Car Seat. See what you dig up. Its time you did the 180 on her hard.


I really wouldn't be surprised if she were. It'd be the worst surprise ever. She claims that by being home every night, it's impossible to do so. Give me a break, back when I was loving my bachelor life, I could squeeze the side girl in during a trip to McDonald's. Come home with a meal for two and a receipt. It's not hard.

Fortunately, I could spy on her just as easy. I could rip her phone and see deleted text messages, I can track her down to the inch with one of the GPS units from work, and I'm friends with every cop in town. It wouldn't be hard at all.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> Sounds to me like his W may have caught them, and it has been exposed to his family....but for some reason the BW has not bothered to tell you.


^^^ I agree that this is the most likely truth.

Doesn't wear her ring? You haven't had sex since she started the job? Only married a year?

I would get out now and dodge this bullet. If you don't, you're in for a very long and rough ride.


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## TEnumber82 (Mar 11, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Whether or not she's cheating... who knows? Although there are TONS of red flags suggesting she is, at the very least, emotionally involved with the boss. Quite possibly they are physically involved too.
> 
> Never mind that for the moment -- she is incredibly disrespectful of you and your marriage. And you seem fed up with it all.
> 
> Ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be married to.


Thanks, that really makes me feel better. Disrespectful... That's certainly the word to describe the situation. 

Really, it's not out of the question. I don't bug her when she's at work. She has mobility, since her duties involve her running around at short notice. He lives in an apartment near the office now. It's all right there.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TEnumber82 said:


> Thanks, that really makes me feel better. Disrespectful... That's certainly the word to describe the situation.
> 
> Really, it's not out of the question. I don't bug her when she's at work. She has mobility, since her duties involve her running around at short notice. He lives in an apartment near the office now. It's all right there.


Don't know why but if you need proof hire a PI or a trusted friend.


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## TEnumber82 (Mar 11, 2015)

it-guy said:


> Just for reference…. I am a partner in a small IT firm. It is all guys except for a “hybrid” female employee, who does pretty much the same things you described (minus ordering our lunch and running our personal errands). She answers the phone, does our billing, places orders, ect…. She is important since most of us run around all day. She is also married with kids.
> 
> I have her cell phone number. She has mine. That is normal. But, I cannot tell you the last time we texted or called about something non-business related.
> 
> ...


Exactly. That's the case with her and her coworkers. I don't have a problem with them being in contact and having their information, but only the boss seems to be doing these things.

One guy, he was new to town and didn't really have much friends. He was clueless during the holidays. It was no problem for her to have a new friend, and I even suggested to have them over for dinner some day. I'm really not a jealous person by nature.

The only way this could've been more obvious if she were buttoning up her blouse on the way out after her interview.

And again, like I wrote earlier, it feels bad if I'm wrong, because these otherwise positive things (job, promotion, etc.) are being squinted at due to their coincidences.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

C'mon, seriously, married people do not go out on dates with people who are not their spouse. So, how about YOU stop wearing your wedding ring and see how much she likes it? If she notices it, and it bothers her, she's a liar and a hypocrite. If she notices it and it doesn't bother her, you have an even bigger problem. If she doesn't notice it, well, again, big problem. Married people usually wear their wedding rings, unless they have gotten too tight, or too loose, (due to weight loss) or for other health reasons, or for safety reasons; i.e. a work safety hazard, like assembly line work. 

Finally, you've been married for less than a year and she cut the sex off after only 5 months of marriage. That's not good. Read the SIM forum on TAM.

I was the cheater in my marriage. If your wife isn't cheating, the Pope isn't Catholic. And, FYI, my AP wasn't "my type," either. For some reason, unbeknownst to even me, they rarely are. 

You've been married for less than a year and, I assume, have no children, together. Run, don't walk, to an attorney's office and file. Don't waste another day of your life with a woman who obviously has no idea of what being married is supposed to mean.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

TEnumber82 said:


> My wife will need some information imperative to her task from the kids, who still have the information, and they're extremely rude to her.
> 
> Her boss stepped out of the office yesterday for a few hours, and his daughter blows up my wife's phone, and only my wife's phone in regards to her dad's whereabouts like this is 1985 and the dude doesn't have a cell phone or an office phone


Call the boss's kids and ask them if there is anything you should know.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She cut you off, won't wear her ring, dates the boss, wife loves short older men, bosses wife dumps him, newlywed wife that treats you like a doormat.

You should have changed the locks within the first week of her getting the job. She must think she married the village idiot. What really happened is you married the town bicycle.

The only question I have is what's the deal with her and her dad?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> She cut you off, won't wear her ring, dates the boss, wife loves short older men, bosses wife dumps him, newlywed wife that treats you like a doormat.
> 
> You should have changed the locks within the first week of her getting the job. She must think she married the village idiot. What really happened is married the town bicycle.
> 
> The only question I have is what's the deal with her and her dad?


Ugh...
Literotica???
You have been given very good advice.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I wanted to tear off my hair midway!! Really, are you a sadist ?

Honestly, if you let it get this far.. her assumptions must be fairly right...There is gullibility and there is plain denial..



> So to be nice, they gave my wife some tickets for her to give to her boss,


Rephrase that. her parents gave her tickets. She went there with the boss.


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## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

TEnumber82 said:


> Whenever we fight, she'll stop wearing it.


So whenever you guys fight, even if she's the one who light the fire she just take it off and stop commiting to you? That's mature. What about the sickness and in health and in rich or poor part ? Nope not in her brain

Divorce for sure, your're married to a woman who is stuck in 1st grader brain


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are easy ways to find out if she is cheating. 

Put a VAR in her car.. secured with adhesive backed Velcro in some place like under the front seat. IF she is cheating, she's talking to him on the phone while she's driving to/from work and anywhere else.

Download the data from her cell phone. 

Have her followed by a PI.

She is all put putting up billboards. It should be easy to catch them.

But the possibility of cheating aside.... you have been putting up with this since October? Really? Why? The way she is treating you is enough to end this now.

Take a week or so to gather evidence. Do not show her the evidence. If you find out that she is cheating, come here and plan out a confrontation. Part of the confrontation is to see an attorney before you confront her to make sure you are ready to file for divorce ASAP.

If she's not cheating, sit her down and tell her that this is not the marriage you want. If she wants to fix it... it starts now. otherwise it's divorce.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

How are your T levels OP?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Sir, you mentioned the Rodeo is in town. That made me laugh.

Your WW has been at the rodeo for a while now.

Have a plan, strategy, lawyer, protect yourself financially and BAIL.


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## TEnumber82 (Mar 11, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> She cut you off, won't wear her ring, dates the boss, wife loves short older men, bosses wife dumps him, newlywed wife that treats you like a doormat.
> 
> You should have changed the locks within the first week of her getting the job. She must think she married the village idiot. What really happened is married the town bicycle.
> 
> The only question I have is what's the deal with her and her dad?


Idk what's the deal with her dad. Seems like a rather stand up guy in my opinion. Happily married to her mom for ages, and they seem to have a happy marriage, that should be otherwise exemplary.

However, all the kids turned out bat**** crazy, and they all stay away from home. Kinda American Beautyish in my opinion.


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## TEnumber82 (Mar 11, 2015)

tom67 said:


> Oh and for the record I'm 5'7" but I assure you I am not gross and my gf is 32.
> I'm 47 but I would NEVER get involved with an attached woman.
> Anyway you stuck a nerve.:lol:
> Kidding.
> Now end this farce and live your life.


Lol, sorry about that dude! When I was saying "gross", I was pretending to be her. She'll dismiss her boss as if she didn't play the older fella game for 7 years.


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## TEnumber82 (Mar 11, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> How are your T levels OP?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Through the roof. 

I am a noted, registered, certified cheater. She is the one and only person I've ever been involved with that I have not cheated on, and that's because I'm doing the whole wife honoring thing.

But believe me if there's not a second that goes by where I don't wish I was pulling the trigger on the impulse already. My brother recently got busted cheating, so that kind of scared me straight for the time being.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TEnumber82 said:


> Through the roof.
> 
> I am a noted, registered, certified cheater. She is the one and only person I've ever been involved with that I have not cheated on, and that's because I'm doing the whole wife honoring thing.
> 
> But believe me if there's not a second that goes by where I don't wish I was pulling the trigger on the impulse already. My brother recently got busted cheating, so that kind of scared me straight for the time being.


Cheating actually isn't a sign of good T levels but I asked because, in my 23 year relationship, Mrs. Conan hasn't had even one month, where I was available, that she wasn't walking bowlegged.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

TEnumber82 said:


> I really wouldn't be surprised if she were. It'd be the worst surprise ever. She claims that by being home every night, it's impossible to do so. Give me a break, back when I was loving my bachelor life, I could squeeze the side girl in during a trip to McDonald's. Come home with a meal for two and a receipt. It's not hard.
> 
> *Fortunately, I could spy on her just as easy. I could rip her phone and see deleted text messages, I can track her down to the inch with one of the GPS units from work, and I'm friends with every cop in town.* It wouldn't be hard at all.


So why don't you?

Why ask a forum with circumstantial evidence when you can get solid proof on your own?


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Gus and Warlock .. don't you guys mean masochist?


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## dental (Apr 16, 2014)

Your wife is right, you are an idiot.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Call a lawyer and see if its too late to get an annulment.

Something's wrong with her dad no matter what face they show to the world.

At the very least tell her to put out or move out now.

If she tells you she has no place to go tell her to go to her bosses apartment or find a big box and move under a bridge with the other crazy people.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

If you don't have kids with this woman, then why are you still married to this clown? She already cheated on you before marriage, you've only been married for a year and your wife is obviously a shallow gold digger who is more than happy to date older men who will shower her with gifts. It's a year, right? Cut your losses now and divorce - before you regret it by staying with her and having kids.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Sorry to have you here. Here are my tuppence worth of observations:


At the very least you wife is behaving very disrespectfully and deceitfully.


She is almost certainly having an affair and she is enamoured by the attention she is getting from a very clearly abusive boss (who is in a position of power). It has nothing to do with physical attraction on her part.


She seems to have extremely weak morals and boundaries. Do you really want to be with someone like this. Think about building a relationship and family with someone like this. Or are you hoping that she will suddenly see the light and develop better morals etc.?


What you have said so far may only be the tip of the iceberg - there may be lots that you do not know (yet).


Be careful around her because she seems to be easily impressed and ready to step out of the marriage at moments notice.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I don't think you're an idiot, but you are very oblivious. There is no way that she is not having an affair. 

Did you read your OP? Because I'd go back and read it through a few times, as though it were written by a good friend. See it for the craziness it is. 

I hope you drop her like a rock.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> How are your T levels OP?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Newly married, five months without sex..................:scratchhead:


Run man run to the mountains, This is her, you cannot change her. If you live with her you will become her pimp. Your only way to escape from this **** is to RUN..............


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

She is cheating. EA for sure, physical probably. 

As far as leaving her, the fact she acts like going out with you is a burden, doesn't spend intimate time with you (sex), and disregards your concerns is enough to leave any woman. There really is no need for her to be cheating, as she already treats you like an absolute door mat. Not wearing her wedding ring? How do you even let this happen?


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

I agree with contacting this guys exw and kids just to find out what it seems they already know. I would also cancel anything that you had to do today and visit a lawyer.


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

Daniel. said:


> So whenever you guys fight, even if she's the one who light the fire she just take it off and stop commiting to you? That's mature. What about the sickness and in health and in rich or poor part ? Nope not in her brain
> 
> Divorce for sure, your're married to a woman who is stuck in 1st grader brain


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

TE take it from me. My WW is no where near as crazy as your W and I not only regret the day I married her but I regret the day I even met her. As time went on I found more and more how crazy my WW is. People who are childish and immature in relationships seldom change and in fact usually get worse. Her taking her wedding ring off at every time you two argue is passive/aggressive behavior. She is more or less is saying "see this argument makes me not want to be your wife". I think she's got a lot of issues, lack of boundaries, childish and selfish behavior, narcissistic tendencies among other things. I truly believe some people just aren't meant to be married. They just don't know what it takes to be a spouse and how to love their spouse.

Even if your W isn't having an A (and by the way I think it's at least an EA and likely PA) all the other stuff is enough for you to walk away from this disaster of a M and chalk it up to leasons learned. And I'm a firm believer in making a M work but it takes two working towards that end. Your W wants everything her way and damn the consequencies towards you and the M. There are no kids and really nothing to make you want to stay with this woman. Nobody makes the right choices every time. You may be like I was at first and feel like the failure of your M is your fault. It's not. Her behavior and actions has caused this M to unravel. You gotten a lot of good advice on here. It's up to you what path you choose. If you want to look at it from an objective perspective what if you had a really close friend tell you his M had all the things going on that yours does. You would probably tell him to "punt" the M. I think you know this deep down you just don't want to admit it.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

No need to read a word more than you initial post.

If you don't divorce as soon as possible, your wife will be stuck with a fool for a husband.

File for divorce and go dark on her.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Is she's pretty much doing whatever she wants to do and you haven't had sex since all this crap has started then it's you fault
You have a mouth and you should be letting her know that this lifestyle ain't flying with you and there has to be changes and right now or the changes coming down the road will be worse.

Next time she takes her wedding band off, ask her where it is and let her know that if that's the case and she doesn't want to wear it then she may as well move on because your not taking her crap any longer.

You can only be a nice guy when your being treated nice but when your getting ground in the dirt, then you damn well better get up and let it be known in a way that it wont happen again and if she gets pissed.................to bad. What's she going to do, take her wedding band off and withhold sex from you? Your being treated like you don't count for anything and your letting her so you better start thinking of yourself from now on because she isn't thinking about anything but herself.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

As others have suggested, you need more solid proof.

You need to convince yourself beyond the shadow of a doubt.

A VAR will provide you with that information.

So what are you waiting for?


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-01ShhD63c&index=8&list=PLs0MRMeXKCGR-a7MFcF7dfrM3VuXknFzT

I have nothing more....

~ Passio


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It take two to run a marriage.

But only one to ruIn it.

And boy has your wife ruined it.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

lenzi said:


> As others have suggested, you need more solid proof.
> 
> You need to convince yourself beyond the shadow of a doubt.
> 
> ...



Why does he need more? A huge lack of respect and no sex isn't enough? Why worry about an affair? Help her pack and thank her boss ten times.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

o.p. no disrespect but......

For some one who is intelligent from your posting then how in the same light could you be so clueless

This makes no sence


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Why does he need more? A huge lack of respect and no sex isn't enough?


Not for him obviously.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Eh... married for a year and no kids?

No smoking gun needed. Kick her to the curb and be done w/ her.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Satya said:


> I don't think you're an idiot, but you are very oblivious. There is no way that she is not having an affair.
> 
> Did you read your OP? Because I'd go back and read it through a few times, as though it were written by a good friend. See it for the craziness it is.
> 
> I hope you drop her like a rock.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Well said.

OP you know in your heart what the answer is but because you love her you don't want to accept it. But even love is not enough to be married to a person who is disrespectful and dishonest.

A marriage that starts that bad, as yours, doesn't get better over time, it gets worse, much worse.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

"ANYBODY CAN MAKE A MISTAKE!! (Says Maury Poovich)
She deserves another chance!
(let her get it with somebody else)


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

TEnumber82 said:


> Through the roof.
> 
> I am a noted, registered, certified cheater. She is the one and only person I've ever been involved with that I have not cheated on, and that's because I'm doing the whole wife honoring thing.
> 
> But believe me if there's not a second that goes by where I don't wish I was pulling the trigger on the impulse already. My brother recently got busted cheating, so that kind of scared me straight for the time being.


Maybe your wife is the living embodiment of karma, sent to repay you for your actions earlier in life.

But irregardless, to be married only a year, no kids, and you are (supposedly) enduring this in your marriage, well, no, your wife doesn't THINK you're an idiot.

The proof is in your staying with her.

Houston boys should be smarter than this, dude.....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Even if she is not cheating on you, she's hardly being a model wife, is she?:scratchhead:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

That's a lot of crap to take from a chick that already phucked around on you once before!

From were I'm sitting it looks like she is training you for a marriage of service to her and her alone. It looks to me like your needs really don't matter to her...after all you stuck around even after such a huge betratal and even now she disrespects you to such a degree that by your 5 year anni she'll have you driving her to dates with other men.

My point is until she knows there are consequences for her actions she will continue to act like you aren't going any were no matter how shytty she treats you.

Until your old lady start to second guess her choices and starts to think about what she is about to lose....you are toast!

Chicks like confident guys.....have the confidence to let her go...she just might think twice about losing you.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Maybe its something as simple as his money.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Dude, download No More Mr Nice Guy and read it. TODAY. You are seriously screwing up. And she's living proof of it.

Her boss is an alpha, you are a beta, and she's drawn to the alpha, as women are. Unless you up your alpha level, she'll be bringing him home pretty soon and telling you to stay in the garage until she's done.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Originally Posted by TEnumber82
> 
> I am a noted, registered, certified cheater


.

*You are also rapidly on your way to become a certified used door mat*


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

MattMatt, seriously I'm not intending to threadjack, but since I can't contact you in any other way, would you explain WHY you are banned?!!!  You of all people?


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Wow so you cant believe someone would cheat on you, since you are being all faithful and everything.
Amazing.

You're not the catch she thought you were.
You got game, good in the sprint, but lacking in the distance event.

If she treats you this way now it will not get better later, but she has you hooked ha ha, and you dont want to lose her, brilliant. 

I dont think she is a cake eater, she is shopping for a better partner and she will leave you for him when she can. This marriage has an expiration date.

You can grow from this and become a high value partner if you work at it, but I think thats all this situation will offer you.

I wish you well, take care!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)




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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

turnera said:


> Her boss is an alpha, you are a beta, and she's drawn to the alpha, as women are. Unless you up your alpha level, she'll be bringing him home pretty soon and telling you to stay in the garage until she's done.


And what does that say about women?

You can never rest.

How can you be "alpha" and stay exciting and fresh and new when she does your dirty laundry, and sees you filthy and tired after work? When she has heard all your jokes, and you have taken her to every restaurant within 50km already. How?

All the while you are getting older every day, and there are younger, better looking guys more than willing to fcuk your wife, like new toys to her, exciting and new, with new jokes, new bullsht stories, new everything.

Honestly, you can't win. Women can get sex and validation too easily now, and they are encouraged and applauded in doing so. Marriage, family, fidelity, don't matter at all.

Marriage is dead, I don't even know why this forum exists (probably just for the advertizing revenue) it is a dead institution.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

I.M.O. If you can both stay a little focused on each other and not be pulled apart by other interests the chances are very good you will be 
together for a long long time
Todays modern world has many distractions for men and women and so interests are taken away from the 'US' to the 'MY' and after a 
time the possibility of one partner not feeling as close to their spouse widens until a situation develops where em0tions with a member 
of the opposite sex can develop as we all tend to be more socially involved than many years ago both electronically and facially

The amount of disposable income has increased so has our independence to go out and spend it and increase our social circles
The female also is brought up to be as aggressive as the male in seeking her sexual satisfaction from her marriage and so the liberation
of her sexual bonds socially was released in the 60s and now increases the need for couples to be more aware of their partners needs and 
wants

I'm waffling a bit but I hope you get the gist 
I very rarely respond to this type of in depth board chat as I carnt be bothered to re read what I type and so it can come back and bite me


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

TEnumber82 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost a year come May.
> 
> My wife no longer wears her ring to work.


Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. Get an annulment if possible. 

Set her free. But most importantly *set yourself free*. 



The Cro-Magnon said:


> And what does that say about women?
> 
> You can never rest.
> 
> ...


Ha ha ha. Did you stamp your foot and say "It's just sooooo unfair!" after you posted that?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> How can you be "alpha" and stay exciting and fresh and new when she does your dirty laundry, and sees you filthy and tired after work? When she has heard all your jokes, and you have taken her to every restaurant within 50km already. How?
> 
> All the while you are getting older every day, and there are younger, better looking guys more than willing to fcuk your wife, like new toys to her, exciting and new, with new jokes, new bullsht stories, new everything.
> 
> ...


That's easy. And I'm glad you're asking a woman. 

By always having a safe environment, where you don't make her feel less than you. By actually listening to her. By letting her talk when you'd rather just sit there and watch football and drink beer and be waited on. By surprising her now and then with a flower or some little bauble you spotted and she might like, to let her know you think of her. By taking her out once in a while, to new places, so you continue to have new things in y'all's lives to talk about. By doing things with her that are important to her. By being an engaged dad. By getting along with her family and not criticizing them, even if they deserve it. By thanking her for taking care of you when you're sweaty and tired, and by not taking what she does for you for granted.

But also by not allowing yourself to be browbeat, by not denigrating yourself just to keep her from getting upset. By always taking care of the safety and security (including financial) of the family. Which includes keeping other men away from her (in a non-cro-magnon way). By keeping sex hot and heavy and surprising and ALWAYS making sure she gets her as often as you get yours.


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

rmontgomery said:


> Cro-Magnon makes some good points.
> 
> Marriage is supposed to be about lifelong commitment and picking each other up every time one stumbles (except for cheating of course).
> 
> if it was supposed to be about constantly trying to prevent your spouse from cheating on you because they added more things to the salad bar at The Olive Garden, then why not stay single and disconnect more easily when the inevitable happens. 70% infidelity rate is brutal. Marriage, family, fidelity has hit the bottom of the toilet. Only the strongest bonds last.


It's no longer a world of honesty, respect and loyalty. Reports now that at least 80% of high school kids have cheated at least once on tests. And the rates for college kids are said to be nearly the same. Morality has "left the building". People have been flawed since the beginning of time, I'm not saying they haven't. Just seems the notion of being decent and trying to do the right things and owning up to your mistakes is out of touch for today's way of thinking.

If people go into a M without conviction to make the M work it likely won't last. If someone is all about themself and not about the M and what the M needs over ones self the results are likely a failure. Maybe there are more of the "me" people out there than ever before. Maybe M is just too much work for some folks. Makes you wonder where it's all headed?


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> That's easy. And I'm glad you're asking a woman.
> 
> By always having a safe environment, where you don't make her feel less than you. By actually listening to her. By letting her talk when you'd rather just sit there and watch football and drink beer and be waited on. By surprising her now and then with a flower or some little bauble you spotted and she might like, to let her know you think of her. By taking her out once in a while, to new places, so you continue to have new things in y'all's lives to talk about. By doing things with her that are important to her. By being an engaged dad. By getting along with her family and not criticizing them, even if they deserve it. By thanking her for taking care of you when you're sweaty and tired, and by not taking what she does for you for granted.
> 
> But also by not allowing yourself to be browbeat, by not denigrating yourself just to keep her from getting upset. By always taking care of the safety and security (including financial) of the family. Which includes keeping other men away from her (in a non-cro-magnon way). By keeping sex hot and heavy and surprising and ALWAYS making sure she gets her as often as you get yours.


I can go along with a lot of that. The problem is it swings both ways. W has to do her part as well. Just as there are H that could or should do there part so should the W. Just because the W gets the "fairy tale" wedding she shouldn't think the M is all about her. Seen that happen some too, especially in my own M. Once the princess phase was over the love and affection from W seemed to fade. Maybe it was never there and I didn't see it. As I've told my WW "it's hard to love someone that doesn't seem to want your love or even appreciate you for what you do and who you are".


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

loyallad said:


> I can go along with a lot of that. The problem is it swings both ways. W has to do her part as well. Just as there are H that could or should do there part so should the W. Just because the W gets the "fairy tale" wedding she shouldn't think the M is all about her. Seen that happen some too, especially in my own M. Once the princess phase was over the love and affection from W seemed to fade. Maybe it was never there and I didn't see it. As I've told my WW "it's hard to love someone that doesn't seem to want your love or even appreciate you for what you do and who you are".


No one is saying she should be treated like a princess. He asked how to keep a woman happy, I told him. And when a woman is getting the marriage she expected - and not the one where she does most of the housework, he expects to be fed/clothed/cleaned up after like his mommy did, he doesn't have to invest in a mental relationship - she will WANT to please him and do everything in her power to keep HIM happy.

Unfortunately, there are shelves and shelves in the bookstore about walkaway women, who become disillusioned because the latter is exactly what a lot of women end up getting. Women are expected to work now, yet men aren't universally signing up to do 50% of all chores. Men still want to hang out with friends, play sports, watch sports, so who takes care of the kids while this is going on? Not blaming the men, just saying that women's tendency to take on everything just cos it needs to be done, gets taken advantage of. The women keep waiting for the man to get it, to hear their complaints, but the men are getting their needs met, so why listen? And eventually, the women give up expecting to get what they expected going into the marriage, give up ON the marriage, and walk away.

If you were treating your wife like a princess, why would she expect something else once you married?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

turnera said:


> That's easy. And I'm glad you're asking a woman.
> 
> By always having a safe environment, where you don't make her feel less than you. By actually listening to her. By letting her talk when you'd rather just sit there and watch football and drink beer and be waited on. By surprising her now and then with a flower or some little bauble you spotted and she might like, to let her know you think of her. By taking her out once in a while, to new places, so you continue to have new things in y'all's lives to talk about. By doing things with her that are important to her. By being an engaged dad. By getting along with her family and not criticizing them, even if they deserve it. By thanking her for taking care of you when you're sweaty and tired, and by not taking what she does for you for granted.
> 
> But also by not allowing yourself to be browbeat, by not denigrating yourself just to keep her from getting upset. By always taking care of the safety and security (including financial) of the family. Which includes keeping other men away from her (in a non-cro-magnon way). By keeping sex hot and heavy and surprising and ALWAYS making sure she gets her as often as you get yours.


And by being such a great man that she has no time to flirt with other men because she's too focused on keeping other women away from you.


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> No one is saying she should be treated like a princess. He asked how to keep a woman happy, I told him. And when a woman is getting the marriage she expected - and not the one where she does most of the housework, he expects to be fed/clothed/cleaned up after like his mommy did, he doesn't have to invest in a mental relationship - she will WANT to please him and do everything in her power to keep HIM happy.
> 
> Unfortunately, there are shelves and shelves in the bookstore about walkaway women, who become disillusioned because the latter is exactly what a lot of women end up getting. Women are expected to work now, yet men aren't universally signing up to do 50% of all chores. Men still want to hang out with friends, play sports, watch sports, so who takes care of the kids while this is going on? Not blaming the men, just saying that women's tendency to take on everything just cos it needs to be done, gets taken advantage of. The women keep waiting for the man to get it, to hear their complaints, but the men are getting their needs met, so why listen? And eventually, the women give up expecting to get what they expected going into the marriage, give up ON the marriage, and walk away.
> 
> If you were treating your wife like a princess, why would she expect something else once you married?


Didn't mean to imply to treat her like a princess. It's just some women (how many I don't know but there are some) just want the "fairy tale" wedding and after it's over don't know what to do in a M. They were more interested in getting the wedding than being serious about the M. Look at all the money spent on the wedding industry every year. I don't think you need to treat your W like a princess but you do need to be each others partner. I also think you should value your W as someone special. After all a H did ask his W to marry him. Something about her should have been special enough for him to ask her to share his life with him. Maybe that's why BH have a hard time with a WW and her infidelity. The H chose her to be his W. When she betrays him by an A that's a blow to his ego. The one he picked from all others is basically telling you you pick wrong and what you thought was special about her isn't so special anymore.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

turnera said:


> That's easy. And I'm glad you're asking a woman.
> 
> By always having a safe environment, where you don't make her feel less than you. By actually listening to her. By letting her talk when you'd rather just sit there and watch football and drink beer and be waited on. By surprising her now and then with a flower or some little bauble you spotted and she might like, to let her know you think of her. By taking her out once in a while, to new places, so you continue to have new things in y'all's lives to talk about. By doing things with her that are important to her. By being an engaged dad. By getting along with her family and not criticizing them, even if they deserve it. By thanking her for taking care of you when you're sweaty and tired, and by not taking what she does for you for granted.
> 
> But also by not allowing yourself to be browbeat, by not denigrating yourself just to keep her from getting upset. By always taking care of the safety and security (including financial) of the family. Which includes keeping other men away from her (in a non-cro-magnon way). By keeping sex hot and heavy and surprising and ALWAYS making sure she gets her as often as you get yours.



No. Noo. Nooooooo

This cannot be. Actually have fun? Get creative? Make love to her mind? Actually give a sh!t about her life and make it better? A random massage? A smile and a compliment when she needs one? Encouragement and support when she wants it? A sudden hug? Actually listen??? Care? Date her? Love her?

Oh crap... I've got to up my game to fun mode!! What a ba$tard I've been!!!


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Any update ?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Ugh, I just read this whole thing only to get to the end and realize the OP has disappeared and we don't know how this story "ended."


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Ugh, I just read this whole thing only to get to the end and realize the OP has disappeared and we don't know how this story "ended."


Well, spring break ended so the show had to go on hiatus. But don't worry, summer break is coming.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

He was playing everyone here.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Is this now officially a zombie thread?:scratchhead:


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Couple of Cowboy pro-bowlers here on TAM. 

TEnumber82 (Here)

WRnumber88 (GTDS sub forum)

Hmm...


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Dogbert said:


> Is this now officially a zombie thread?:scratchhead:


I think it is lets play before Ele locks it.

This seems really random...


Ceegee said:


> Couple of Cowboy pro-bowlers here on TAM.
> 
> TEnumber82 (Here)
> 
> ...


 I dont get it.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)




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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

MarriedGuy221 said:


> lol he's also trolling an alcoholic site with a story about his wife being a drunk: Wait, can someone explain to me what just happened? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information


It is pretty bad.

How ever did you find that other thread.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Enough to make any guy feel insecure, at the very least....


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Funny how he didn't mention she was a roaring drunk. If there was any doubt about her cheating, I would say there isn't any now.


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## Chas (Apr 2, 2015)

Decorum
Just Google his user name.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sad. He needs to leave her for his own health and well being. I hear stories like this all the time at AA. I have brothers and sisters in AA who have lost everything...and I mean everything to their drinking. 

This gal is not going to quit un til she is literallly sleeping under a bridge, and even then she probably won't quit. According to him she burned through one marriage and is burning this one to the ground.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Chas said:


> Decorum
> Just Google his user name.


Well sure NOW I get it ha ha ha.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Did anybody check the dates of his posts on the other forum?


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

This gets on my nerves. Read the whole way through, get to the end, not outcome. Why do people keep bringing these threads back to life.

I must keep reminding myself to scroll STRAIGHT to the last page first to make sure next time. Second time i have fell for this now..... Some people got way to much time on their hands. Wish i did


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

MarriedGuy221 said:


> Just making it up for fun... That's what trolls do


Hi, my name is Sam. I met this hot chick who made me think she loved me, got me drunk, cut my hair and called the authorities who arrested on some trumped up charges of killing people with the jaw bone of an animal. When I confronted her, she gave me the old ILYBINILWY speech. Is there anyway to rekindle her love once I beat this wrap.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Hi, my name is Sam. I met this hot chick who made me think she loved me, got me drunk, cut my hair and called the authorities who arrested on some trumped up charges of killing people with the jaw bone of an animal. When I confronted her, she gave me the old ILYBINILWY speech. Is there anyway to rekindle her love once I beat this wrap.


Sorry dude, but you're gonna have to pull down the pillars and take 'em all out w/ you.

How's your eyesight these days?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> How's your eyesight these days?


I'm suing for malpractice. That's got to be the worse LASIK surgery they ever done. Those bastards can't adjust a laser, I'll tell you that.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My brother got lasik and ended up having to get a new cornea.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Hi


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hi.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Hi.


HA ha ha I deleted most of the post, my sillyness filter has been malfunctioning lately, so I deleted most of it and that's all I left, shouldn't you be skinning an armadillo or something?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Decorum said:


> HA ha ha I deleted most of the post, my sillyness filter has been malfunctioning lately, so I deleted most of it and that's all I left, shouldn't you be skinning an armadillo or something?


STFU and go to bed.


Man it has been a hostile day on TAM. Wow.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Decorum said:


> Hi


Someone said he saves the shells for his "artwork" hobby.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm such a sucker. I swore I wouldn't waste my time and click the link to OP's "alcoholic wife" post.

But I clicked the link and completely wasted my time reading it.

:lol:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zach's daddy (Jan 17, 2015)

She knows she's cheating. You know she is. Everything in you says she is. All the signs of infidelity are there. I've been where you for almost 9 yeas. Until you get concrete evidence that she is cheating she's going to keep playing the "I'm innocent card and it all in your mind." You want to know if she's a cheater you have to change your approach and think like a cheater. Take a day follow her around,GPS tracking on her car,Cameras in the house. Whatever you have to do to find the truth do it. Until you do that she's going to keep playing you for a fool.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Someone said he saves the shells for his "artwork" hobby.


Its true he make cozy cat beds for all the single cat ladies in the neighborhood...










And he makes soup out of the rest, (they say it an aphrodisiac)...











I am unwilling to speculate what transpires after that!!



.


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