# Feels like I cant breath! Sorry it's long



## suffocatingwife (Aug 17, 2011)

Please forgive me, this is my first post and I'm trying to get my head wrapped around everything! I don't know what to do any more! So cliche sounding! I'm a 28 yr old stay at home mom. I've had 2 stress induced heart attacks and my husband has decided to run for worlds biggest jerk!! We met 6 years ago and he wasn't the type of guy I thought I would end up with. I figured we would just hang out and have fun. There were no fireworks, no butterflies. Actually, after listening about his ex girlfriend through our ENTIRE first date I told him I didn't want to see him any more. I gave it another shot a month later. Now, I'm trapped in hell and I can't see any light! I do love him and my vows are not something I take for granted but there are days I wonder why I didn't just stay away 6 years ago. I don't regret my beautiful children. We have faced just about every obstacle that a couple could. He was still seeing the ex that I got to hear so much about for the first 2 years of our 6 then he didn't "see" her anymore even though they continued a generous phone relationship until last year. Nice how he worded that huh? We have rental property and another business and any time he needs me I'm right there, no matter what I have going on. Our children are a daughter 12(she's not biologically his, I was raped at 15) another daughter 4 and a son 2. Hubby will play with them but that's the extent of it. I clean house, cook, run errands, handle both businesses, laundry, and anything else that comes up. His father lives with us and Hubby spends ALL of his time doing whatever his dad tells him to. I love my parents and would do what I could if they needed help but not to the extent of hurting my husband. I keep telling myself that we were raised differently and all this other stuff but at the end of the day all I'm really doing is making up exsuses for him! So pretty much I'm driving myself crazy! He swears up and down that I'm his soulmate and he couldn't live without me. Lord, I'd hate to see how he treated me if he didn't like me. We are never intimate unless he has hit a point where he can't go any longer. He tells me he's going to help with the house but never does. He says he'll rub my back but doesn't do that either. All I ask for is to leave a post note on the bedroom door saying I love you or a card for no reason. Bring me a snicker bar(my favorite) from work one day. Call me and wake me up just because you couldn't wait to hear my voice (he used to do that when we met. I loved it and didn't care that he woke me). Pretty much all I'm asking is that he be the guy I met; the guy HE says is the REAL HIM!!! I am so lonley. I sleep on the couch every night because I can no longer sleep next to him, which really hurts because I used to not be able to sleep unless my head was on his chest. Most days I feel like I'm the problem; like I'm asking for something I don't deserve. Most nights I have to take a painpill just to go to sleep. I don't want my kids to think this is how it goes. Anytime, I try to talk to any of my "friends" all they say is to leave him. Why are people my age so eager to run away if it's tough? That drives me nutty too. I don't mind doing the hard work but it's so much easier if there is some hope that one day he'll open his eyes and see what he has right in front of him. Am I crazy? Am I asking too much? Did I get into something I shouldn't have? Someone please help me! I feel like I'm suffocating!!!!!


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