# what to do? I really need advice!



## rogue25 (May 14, 2011)

So my divorce was final Thursday, I find myself really wanting to call him and beg him back. He cheated on me with his ex girlfriend and I guess they are together now I'm not sure I asked and he got upset with me for asking. He was very controlling but I think maybe I let him be that way I'm not sure. When I found out he cheated I left that day then I started the the divorce process because I was going to stay with someone who had such little respect for me. Well after I started the process I asked him back and he said no Im not in love with you anymore. I do not think that is true I think he does still love me. I know I have my faults just like everyone does but during this time apart I have learned what they are and have asked god to help me change them. I think maybe he needs this time apart from me to see that he does love me and that we can it make it work. It is everything I have not to call or text him. I'm trying to give him his space because I want him to be happy. He says he wants to be my friend but I'm not sure if he means it. I'm so scared that by giving him this space he will move on and not want me anymore. Does anyone have any advice or tips for me to help me get through this, or make it better? Does anyone think that a relationship can be rekindled?
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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Your divorce is final. Therefore your marriage is over. I'm going to pass along some advice that an old cowboy gave to me …….. PICK YOURSELF UP, DUST OFF & TAKE YOUR RERIDE. 

You have a choice to either go forward with your life or sit around wasting it on someone who doesn’t deserve your efforts. Don’t waste anymore of your life on him.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I was in your exact same boat about 6 months ago....nothing good will come from trying to fight for something that the other person refuses to see or want....its like fighting against brick wall. You can beg, and ask, and do everything in your power but if he is a dumbass, checked out, and wants to be a 5 yr old about it then you need to slowly realize that he was not really meant for you in the end. Everyday still (divorce finalized in march) i have to be in reality mode and re-talk myself out of being sad and angry because it still hurts and its not an easy thing to just let go all of a sudden....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So he says he wants to be friends, that he doesn't love you, the divorce papers are signed, and he's with another woman. No offense, but what size hammer needs to be used to apply a clue? It's time for you to move on already. Start your own life, forget about him. If it happens in the future that you both decide you'd like to start over, so be it. But he's been pretty clear that this is NOT the time.

Personally, I think you'd be foolish to go back, and this is coming from someone who cheated in their marriage. Unless you do major repair work, your "walk on me" and denial attitude screams for a repeat of past history. Again, no offense intended. You may have started the process, but it seems from your description it's been driven by him since.

C
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DO NOT CALL HIM.
He cheated on you and told you straight up he is NOT in love with you and wants to be "friends."

The thing is, you can't be "friends" with him because you're still in love with him. Therefore any contact you have with him will do MORE damage. Seriously, NO NO NO contact.

You are divorced. Put one foot in front of the other and walk away from your past life.

IF you guys ever reconcile it will be because time was spent apart and he realized on his own taht he hurt you by cheating and what a great person you are that he lost and HE wants to work it it out and he would have to ask your forgiveness and earn your trust back. He isn't & hasn't done any of that.

Respect yourself. You already said he was very controlling and had little respect for you. Focus on that. Don't romanticize your past. Leave it where it belongs...in the past.


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

Logic vs. emotion. I understand and that inclination is hard to stifle. PBear and JB have it right, though. You need to concentrate on respecting yourself. He doesn't deserve your respect anymore. When the emotion starts to take over your logic of what is right and fair, reread their responses and follow what they say. My inclinations to have contact with him are fewer and fewer. I think it's because I kept reading & following the advice these wise people so generously share. Hang in there-it does take time.


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## rogue25 (May 14, 2011)

I just want to thank everyone who replied you are all absolutely right. I have been talking to a few friends as well and they all think That it's not him that I miss but my life with him him. Which I can kinda agree with, I do miss my dogs which I let him keep. But the more I'm away from him and not talking to him to more I realize that he just wasn't right for me! He drank all the time and argued with me constantly and I don't have to deal with that anymore. I am only 25 so I know that in time I will ind the person who treats me right. It is hard still but I can't decide if it's just because I'm lonely or what. But want to thank all of you for your amazing and accurate advice.
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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

We all go through the doubt of trying to hoping they will reach out... its the stage where we were so used to the life we had, we wanted that, we loved it, it was our safety net, and then all of a sudden it was gone and you can't see another way of life at that moment. As time goes by you will learn to adapt and grow and be happy again but what you are experiencing is what we all went through.... we miss "that life" with that person, but with that person not there....you can form a better life and a different life and still be very happy with you!


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## Giavi (Jun 22, 2011)

Don't feel guilty! you did the right thing. Move on !! Divorce is Over!You will find someone who is going to love you back.
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