# Anyone else dread Christmas with their spouses family?



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Don't get me wrong, I like them and the kids but ever since my wife's sister and hubby had kids, no one does anything anymore. All we do is watch them open gifts, play and play with them (lego's, cars, etc.) for 8+ hours!!!!

There are no walks, no going out, no movies, no adult based games, no doing things as we all did before the kids and I really enjoyed doing things, but now its just very boring to me. I can only sit there so long and do things with the kids.....only so long.....

My wife's parents are content just doing nothing and playing with the kids the entire time. Wow, how exciting and engaging. They only live a 10 minute drive away.

My wife's sister, kids and hubbs live a 5 minute walk away.

See, my wife and I don't have kids yet or may never have kids. So is that why I find this situation very boring???

I remember Christmas with my parents and relatives. Each age group of people did things together. Some watched movies, some went out, some just chatted, some played with kids, etc.

I need advice besides suck it up, thx.


And here the kicker, for some reason, their kids adore me, want to play with me and its their main highlight of Christmas to see and be with me. Why? Don't they have friends and what about their dad?


And my wifee is already nagging me to get ready, do this and that, get dressed up (can't be casually dressed for some reason), etc, etc, etc. Why can't Christmas be about relaxing, and not getting all worked up?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Not as much as I dread Christmas with my own family.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

All our family have kids, but the kids all go play together and we sit around talking. You could have a break in the middle to go do something with your wife, like watch a movie. I know that just watching kids not my own all day would bore me to tears.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Ugh. My limit for that would be around 1 hour, then I would be done.

I did used to dread holidays with my STBXH's parents. It was the same thing, without the kids (instead it was playing with/staring at/talking about the yappy dogs for hours). Everyone was content to just...sit. No interesting adult conversation, no movies, no food, no drinking even, just...sit. And we're not even talking about elderly people.

It was like watching paint dry. My H would not get up to leave, even when we agreed we would stay until such and such time and then go. He would just keep sitting there. Excruciating. 

I mean, I suppose playing with the kids is fine and all, but it's okay for adults to do adult things too. I don't know that it's a great idea to teach kids that adults' lives revolve around entertaining them.

Can you work something out in advance (next holiday) with your W? Like you'll play with the kids and their toys for 1 hour, after that they need to entertain themselves, and the adults will play a board game or cards, or watch a movie, or go for a walk, or whatever. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like the scenario will change unless you are the one to take the initiative.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

I love kids but I agree with everything you said here lol. 
I just hate to be picked on every Christmas like "when are you going to have kids?" "it is selfish to not have children", "Kids are fun, you will be lonely when you are older", "You will never have kids If you wait till you have enough money".

I swear I hear that all the time and at every family party. It is annoying. I want to have kids but I can't afford one right away.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Ugh...no advice, just lots of empathy, lol


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

I agree, one hour max centered around the kids, then adults visit or do whatever they want. When we were kids, it didn't bother us for the adults to have their own time at family gatherings. 

The day is almost over. Did anything change this year?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Sounds like everyone is happy with the way things are but you. Time to have a talk with your spouse about some compromise that works for both of you and keeps peace with the family. 
There is nothing wrong with what they are doing. It is just that you don't like it. And there is nothing wrong with you not liking it. 
Look for some middle ground.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

This is why I got drunk at my in laws last night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

kitty2013 said:


> I just hate to be picked on every Christmas like "when are you going to have kids?" "it is selfish to not have children", "Kids are fun, you will be lonely when you are older", "You will never have kids If you wait till you have enough money".


Oh yes it's selfish. Because the world desperately needs...more humans. Yep.

Just tell them you're enjoying each other WAY too much to add kids to the mix right now, with a wink. They'll be hatin' it.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

jd08 said:


> This is why I got drunk at my in laws last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol. I got drunk at my inlaws' house last Christmas. It did make the evening much more tolerable. (I wasn't driving).


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Just got back from the Christmas day party with the wife's family and kids.

This time, we were only there for about 6.5 hours and dinner was at 3:30pm.

I did play some lego with their son and also with their daughter. For some reason, they both adore me?!

The daughter kept on saying, you are the best!!!

The son always wanted me to play with him and we horsed around, burping, being naughty, etc. he loved it. He showed me Mine Craft and his Nintendo DNS. I can see him as my son because I was into the tech in my youth.

This was the best Christmas day with my wife's family ever. I actually enjoyed myself....SHOCKER!!!

In the end, they had their son and daughter sit with us on the couch and take pictures. Maybe a hint for kids?

My wife and I are focused on our jobs, taking care of each other and not worrying about money issues due to our financial situation, plus we own our place and will have it paid off in maybe 4 years.

This gives me hope and I will enjoy the next Christmas day with them. Who would of guessed???


I gave up drinking way back, after my ex gf, 15 or so years ago.

We weren't picked on, when are you having kids but the photo session with them got my wife and I wondering....

Next time, I will bring their son a new video card and something for their daughter.

I wish their kids would go out playing, leaving us adults but that is not the case, yet.


Merry Christmas everyone.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I couldn't resist myself, so I just ordered two lego games for the X Box 360.

Their son loves everything to do with lego games and the piece sets. So I bought him the two most popular lego games, Star Wars The Complete Saga and The Lord of the Rings.

Hope the parents don't freak out when their son goes lego gaming crazy. He only has mine craft for now......


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

Maybe 6.5 hours is the right amount of time and 8 hrs is the proverbial straw.

Also, the kids are one year older. I have a grown only child. There were annoying self centered phases she went through and within months, she grew out of it and our time together was enjoyable.

It could be the different phases the kids go through that made it better for you now that they are older. The shorter time may be the right amount or maybe it flowed better this year with the timing of dinner and such.

Good to hear you enjoyed it this time CB.

Merry Christmas!


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Sound like you got bit by the bug CuddleBug! LOL! 

The rugrats at our family gathering get sent to the basement. My H spend 60% of his time down there with them by choice. He everybody's fav uncle. Ourlittle peanut made her debut yyesterday and she got wore out ! She only sleeping and nursjng today. Fantastic break for Mommy! As you can see im making wise use of the time. LOL!


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## damagedgoods1 (Nov 8, 2013)

I'm in a similar boat with the OP, no kids, bored out of my mind, no alcohol. I made it 4 hours yesterday before I fell asleep on their couch. I don't have much in common with my in-laws, so the adult conversations were not ones I could participate in, i.e. ancestry, civil war, squirrels, beer.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

So much issues involved with family and Christmas. Love my adult children and will spend time with them but that's it.....no inlaws. Too much garbage and it does not feel relaxing or enjoyable so we just don't do it.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I hear yah. In the past, my wife's parents would just sit there, with their grandma, no music, no going out, no movies, no doing anything, just smiling for hours and hours on end.

Now that their grandma is in an old folks home, things were definitely better. And my wife's sisters husbands dad wasn't there either and he drives everyone nuts by speaking his mind and never realizing he is offending people.

I got hit by the bug....lol. Good one.

When those two lego xbox 360 games arrive next week, hehe, their son will go crazy!!! They are the two highest rated lego games.

I think it was due to the shorter time together and meal in the afternoon. 6.5 hours verses 8+ hours and I mean 9 - 10 hours or more, does make a big difference. And by 6:30pm ish, everyone was getting ready to leave.

Short and sweet I call it. By the 6 hour mark, I was starting to get a bit bored, so great timing.


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## oscuranotte (Dec 8, 2013)

The hardest thing for me is the SIL and her family. I hate to say it, but they are just gross! They are all over 400 lbs and refuse to diet. They can't breathe well and their clothes never cover their bodies. Their clothes always smell bad and have stains all over them. The son, his enormous belly like the size of someone pregnant with septuplets was just hanging out all week. His shirt was sitting half a foot above his belly button. When you sit around the table, you can feel them breathing all over you and your plate of food - even moisture flinging from their noses. And they don't close their mouths when they eat. The SIL has already had a couple strokes and is diabetic; the son is diabetic; the husband has had several heart attacks and is diabetic. And every time we see them, they are all bigger. The doc told them they need to start walking. They sit in their apartment together and eat and smoke all day. They have been trying to get on disability for years, and they finally did it. They are so happy about it. Later, the parents tell me they tried to pass off one of their other children as retarded so they could draw disability.

Oh it's so weird because my husband is not like that, and neither are his parents. Yes, his dad is overweight and diabetic, but he's quite active on his seven acres of land; he loves hunting and tending his orchards and gardens. He's got a dozen dogs and his wife mows the lawn to get exercise every day. My husband is in excellent shape, though he does have a bad sugar habit. 

But it really is a war among all of us to not sit close to them for fear they will breathe and spittle all over us. Anyway, this is just for amusement. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone who might clinically obese. I know it's not easy. This is just something that is a family quirk.

Oh, but yes, just sitting there for hours in their overheated house and trying not to fall asleep as FIL tells the same story he's told us 50,000 times before. Oh man, it is hard. I have the best parent-in laws, though, they are awesome. I can't complain, but they have the old people smell in their home now. It's because they never open windows, so that makes it even harder.


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## oscuranotte (Dec 8, 2013)

damagedgoods1 said:


> I'm in a similar boat with the OP, no kids, bored out of my mind, no alcohol. I made it 4 hours yesterday before I fell asleep on their couch. I don't have much in common with my in-laws, so the adult conversations were not ones I could participate in, i.e. ancestry, civil war, squirrels, beer.


Omg, yes. I'm from california, by way of Philadelphia. I'm in Arkansas now, and yes, it's the same. Nothing in common, though I do get fascinated with southern-isms. But most of the time, I haven't a clue. 

My father in law said he was retarded. I said, "You're retarded?" He said, "No, retired." He was telling me a story. I just can't understand them all the time. And, squirrels? Well, I've gotten used to eating them. They are pretty good. But I gotta say that alligator is especially delicious, and frog legs!! I will not eat a possum, though. Never. Those faces, just no.

A few years ago, we had a ground hog living in front of our house. The neighbor, a twelve year old kid, came over and asked if he could shoot it. My jaw fell to the floor. But I guess that's common here. LOL.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

When two families blend, it isn't often pretty. I'm like you that my family would always do different things. We were a calm family, but not everybody had to be doing the same thing.

I'm divorced now, but when I was married, my in-laws thought everyone had to be engaged in the same activity, and sometimes there was a huge crowd. If someone was in another room not participating in their game, they were the social misfit.

I personally think adults should be able to do what they want to do, with a good attitude on both sides.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

It's generally not too bad at my in-laws... Things can get a bit pissy, passive-aggressive and "It's just a joke; where your sense of humour?", but my wife found her best way to deal with it: she tries to limit any visit to no more than 3- 4 hours.

One time, we did Christmas at my brother's place... What a nightmare. His wife and MIL would cook the dinner. They gleefully lick the spoons and go back to stirring the dinner. Sweaty faces are wiped with dish towels and then used again to dry dishes. Farts? Burps? That's covered. Armpits are scratched and used once again to prepare food.

I could go on, but I'll just say: pigs!


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

oscuranotte said:


> Omg, yes. I'm from california, by way of Philadelphia. I'm in Arkansas now, and yes, it's the same. Nothing in common, though I do get fascinated with southern-isms. But most of the time, I haven't a clue.
> 
> My father in law said he was retarded. I said, "You're retarded?" He said, "No, retired." He was telling me a story. I just can't understand them all the time. And, squirrels? Well, I've gotten used to eating them. They are pretty good. *But I gotta say that alligator is especially delicious, and frog legs!! I will not eat a possum, though. Never. Those faces, just no.*
> 
> A few years ago, we had a ground hog living in front of our house. The neighbor, a twelve year old kid, came over and asked if he could shoot it. My jaw fell to the floor. But I guess that's common here. LOL.


Don't eat armadillo either. Leprosy.


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## oscuranotte (Dec 8, 2013)

Nucking Futs said:


> Don't eat armadillo either. Leprosy.


I hear there is a leper colony in Louisiana. But yeah, I heard the same thing. I was shocked when they ate armadillo on Dual Survival. They looked like they were enjoying it.


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