# Help with clueless dad.



## dippitydee (Jan 15, 2015)

Hi there, I was just hoping for some advice/input about some parenting issues I have been having with the daddy.

I have a 14 month old little boy, he is my first and I am by his side most days when I am not working 3 days a week. My mom watches him on the days that I work.

I watch him constantly and have his best interests at heart all the time. However, his dad is annoying and takes a very laid back approach/lazy approach to parenting. 

We are together, we share a home, he asks to watch him sometimes when I am working and ideally this is nice that he wants to spend time with him, he DOES not watch him and he DOES not know what he is doing at all when it comes to supervision. I know a lot of the reasons I don't want him to keep him have been based on me seeing how he treats his little girl. 

He has slept before while watching her, he has also drank one and sometimes more beer while driving her too and from the lake. He has kept her on a boat for long hours, she is only 3 1/2. 

Anyhow, he doesn't watch him. I guess I am looking for support and any advice as to how to either teach him how to be a more attentive parent or how to get him to not want to watch him or something? I know this sounds bad, but I don't want something happening to my little boy, and he is his father, I cant keep him from him forever. He doesn't ever play with him or try to teach him anything at all, in fact all he ever does is turn him upset down and act stupid with him. 


My little boy doesn't have much attachment to him, he doesn't seem to like him very well, and as sad as this is, he has only done this to himself. On his days off he spends them gone fishing all day everyday and doesn't take much interest in me or our son. 
For instance on fathers day, he dropped his little girl off and me and his son off, to go spend the whole day fishing. 

I want what is best for my son and it almost gives me a panic attack just thinking that he would be watching him for more then an hour. 

He also thinks its ludicrous that he takes two naps a day. He acts like I am being overbearing when I don't want his sister feeding him from the same spoon she just fed her little one with. I just get so tired of feeling like I am this mothering hag. I have tried explaining that children need naps and stability and he just turns it back around on me and makes it into a joke. Please help before I strangle this idiot!!


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

This is the same post you made 6 months ago and you got 3 pages worth of advice. 

What else do you need?

No matter how many times you tell the story it's never going to change, you had a child with a guy you knew was a bad parent and now you are anxious about how he will be around your son. You have good reason to worry, you brought a child into a bad situation and now you've got to protect him in any way you can. Don't leave him alone with his father, something is bound to happen and you will regret it for the rest of your life.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Sorry to hear the situation you are in. I did not read you previous post. I think it is a problem. You H is irresponsible or he has a kind of mental or behavior issues. I don't understand how a parent could fall asleep while he is supposed to watch the kids. You have to talk to him if you are lucky and see if he can change. This is not a good situation since his bad parenting skills would put in dangers you kids and both of your would face child neglect. Imagine if he falls asleep and a child goes out in the street or bush or who knows what else could happen. You have to talk to your H or continue to watch the kids with your mother. Sorry, I think it must be very tough with you. You are like a single parent when he was supposed to be there to help.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

How long will you keep risking the health and well being, maybe even the life, of your son?

You know he is an idiot. You slept with him and made an innocent child anyway.

He is still an idiot.

Pack up and leave. Your son deserves better than him and I'm beginning to think he deserves better than you.

Knowing that your moron behaves irresponsibly and even negligently with your son, if something happens to your child, it will be on you.

God! I wish you would start thinking of the well being of your child instead of your stupid fantasy about the piece of trash you are with!

It is obvious that your fantasy is more important than the health of your son.

I sincerely hope that changes soon!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dippitydee (Jan 15, 2015)

Thanks fleur de cactus, its very hard having to deal with the fact that if I leave him or if I don't he will still want to see our son and it bothers me that if I do leave he will be alone totally with him doing whatever he does. At least now he never watches him alone. I can only imagine how it would be if he got weekly visitations by himself. I would not be able to take it!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BTW. My wife's ex was an irresponsible alcoholic. She got supervised visitation only. It was totally in her control when and where and who with.

Her ex was denied several times because he was drinking or behaved irresponsible.

It probably wouldn't be too difficult for you to get a similar agreement.

He would have to shape up to even have a visit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

OK, I just read the other post. I think that man will never change. He does not get it. He is selfish. He may think that he pays the bills, rent, all kind of stuff but this is not enough. I can tell that he does not want to be a father, because it is too much responsibility. I know that you will say that he wants his son to be like him. However, that man is like a boy himself. Parenting is too much problem and he is doing what is possible to avoid it. The example is what he did on father's day, and this should tell you enough. Not even the significance of father's day. Being happy that he is a father... 

He only wants to have fun with women, unfortunately, he did not tie his tube. He should so that he cannot have more kids. I am not trying to discourage you but I don't think you will be his last. Sorry you happened to love someone who is not good for you. I am sure you are a caring and loving woman. Partners like your boyfriend know how to select their victims. That right moment you needed emotional support, he got you. Dont not expect him to be a good lover, father or a role model for your son. He has nothing to offer. 

You are here on this forum for a reason. You know what is wrong and you know what should be good for you and your son. You only need courage to take some actions. You says yourself that he does not play with your son, and your son does not like him like it is supposed to be. Then, what are you waiting for? Good luck.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Dippity,

Don't be worried to much about visitation. The way you describe him he will only try to fight you at the beginning to punish you. But with my experience with such personality, they hate responsibility and he may not show up to pick him up. I know a guy like yours, he only wanted to chase women and did not want to be involved in his child's life, when he went to court to fight for custody. but when he was granted joined custody, he could see his child twice a year! He did not give birthday or Christmas gifts. They are selfish and not able to give attention to others even their own children. So don't focus too much on the custody part. When it will happen, you will learn strategies to deal with him.


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## dippitydee (Jan 15, 2015)

I understand what you are saying but I fear once I walk out this door my son is no longer protected by me! I cannot handle the thought of him spending a whole night with his father I dont know how to go about proving he shouldn't have visitation. It's really just my word over his but just the thought of me losing in court and having to drop him off at his dads and turn my back on him is something I cannot do. 

I just thought maybe there was some way that I could get across to him how his actions are making his children hate him and his to be a better man and parent. Thanks for the advice I really don't have much support most others tell me to just ignore him or that he will grow up eventually none of that is helpful!


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## dippitydee (Jan 15, 2015)

Btw fleur de cactus you are so accurate the way you have described him, sometimes it's hard for me to understand why he does the things that he does but you have really nailed it with what you said.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I read through your first thread here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/243754-conflicts-baby-daddy.html

Now that I have a better idea of what is going on I can understand why you started a new thread. I am really sorry you have ended up in this mess. Sure we can blame you, but that's not going to do you any good now. Today is a new day and you can make a plan that will benefit you and your son both now and in the future.

How long has your boyfriend been stationed where he is now? Is he going to be transferred or deployed soon?

I understand that you don't want someone else raising your son. You are his mother. Even if you work full-time, you are the one raising him. 

It is important that you get yourself out of this situation as soon as possible. You need an education and a much better job. I recommend that you get back into school. You should be able to get financial assistance.

Are you paying anything to live with your boyfriend or are you able to save your earnings? It is important to start saving money if you can.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You could easily be documenting every single interaction the guy has with your baby. With that, you will have the evidence to convince a judge to not give him any custody, only supervised visitation.


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