# Fantasy of Wife Watching: Does your spouse know?



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

I have been surprised by the (seemingly) large number of posts that have come up lately about wife-watching , open or cuckold relationships. Especially on this site where the majority or posters are very clear and vocal on their opinions on this topic. 

However, these posts are still getting some responses so my question is; if you have a fantasy of watching your spouse or imagining her with someone else is this something you have shared? How did you share it and what was the response? 

If you are a spouse and had your partner share this fantasy with you, how did you respond? Did you think this very bizarre or did your think less of him as a result? 

Thanks,
Reece


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

It was with my ex. I responded positively. We did it, the act itself was not much of a big deal. Yes I did think less of him following this. Consciously I thought less of him because it was obvious that this need was driven by masochism. He enjoyed the act in the moment but he couldn't really come to grips with the reality of it after, although he would never admit this. Subconsciously, I thought less of him because I felt it did not jive with his responsibility of being the 'protector' in the relationship. This and more contributed to my total loss of respect for him. 

In the end I realized that while it would be nice to satisfy this sort of sexual fantasy for a partner, my definition of a respectable man simply does not entail him sharing a woman with other men. (Not to mention all the other potential dramas associated with this type of lifestyle.) Therefore no matter how stable and healthy the relationship, I would not agree to these sexual lifestyle choices in the future.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

GavinM said:


> I have been surprised by the (seemingly) large number of posts that have come up lately about wife-watching , open or cuckold relationships. Especially on this site where the majority or posters are very clear and vocal on their opinions on this topic.


It is one of the topics which likely has a large number of trolls starting them. Not that every thread on the topic is a troll, but many seem to be. There are a few hot topics like this one which attract the rabble rousers.


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## MapMan (Dec 11, 2015)

Keke24 said:


> It was with my ex. I responded positively. We did it, the act itself was not much of a big deal. Yes I did think less of him following this. Consciously I thought less of him because it was obvious that this need was driven by masochism. He enjoyed the act in the moment but he couldn't really come to grips with the reality of it after, although he would never admit this. Subconsciously, I thought less of him because I felt it did not jive with his responsibility of being the 'protector' in the relationship. This and more contributed to my total loss of respect for him.
> 
> In the end I realized that while it would be nice to satisfy this sort of sexual fantasy for a partner, my definition of a respectable man simply does not entail him sharing a woman with other men. (Not to mention all the other potential dramas associated with this type of lifestyle.) Therefore no matter how stable and healthy the relationship, I would not agree to these sexual lifestyle choices in the future.


This is what I have heard is a natural biological reaction. The husband in effect puts the other man ahead of him in the social order and the wife can't help but respect him less. Like many men, I have the fantasy, but I know that to indulge it would irrevocably change how she saw me forever.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

People are welcome to their kinks, but I think acting on this one could be a problem for many people. 

As a fantasy to be discussed, but not acted on, its fine. Dressing up as someone else and filming yourself with your wife is fine if she thinks it would be fun

Not my kink, so I've never given it any thought.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Why even have a wife, if you want to watch some other man come over and **** her? I don't even understand such a mentality. If this is "your kink" I'd suggest some serious counseling to see why you want to be dominated by other men, and ridiculed by your woman.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

So my husband has a cuckold fantasy which he shared with me. I must admit, it threw me for a loop. It is for sure nothing I am into, but of course I didn't knock it in front of him. 

The only thing I can say is... when we are having sex and he starts talking to me about me being with another man... I just hate it!' lol I literally have to tune him out because it is such a turn off for me to even think of being with another man, let alone having my husband watch me with another man. There have been times when I literally dried up because when he starts talking about it, my focus shifts on it and I'm thinking wtf... and we had to stop having sex because my vagina was like **** this **** I"m out. 

The thing about fantasies and fetishes are that they are real. So I can't pretend it doesn't exist. It's good because I know how to instantly get him in the mood. But I am finding the balance with trying to embrace this fantasy without turning myself off. It's a work in progress. The things we do for the people we love...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fantasy / role play is fun if you keep it within healthy boundaries.

Not into your particular fantasy, thinking of Mrs. C with another man causes murderous thoughts, but I do fantasize about her being some **** that I am just ****ing, or that she is playing with another woman.

Keeping it in the fantasy realm is erotic and fun as well as safe.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

A lot of men with this fantasy are in high powered positions and want to be degraded and embarrassed. Also many think their wife is so hot that they want to see her getting done by someone else.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> It was with my ex. I responded positively. We did it, the act itself was not much of a big deal. Yes I did think less of him following this. Consciously I thought less of him because it was obvious that this need was driven by masochism. He enjoyed the act in the moment but he couldn't really come to grips with the reality of it after, although he would never admit this. Subconsciously, I thought less of him because I felt it did not jive with his responsibility of being the 'protector' in the relationship. This and more contributed to my total loss of respect for him.
> 
> In the end I realized that while it would be nice to satisfy this sort of sexual fantasy for a partner, my definition of a respectable man simply does not entail him sharing a woman with other men. (Not to mention all the other potential dramas associated with this type of lifestyle.) Therefore no matter how stable and healthy the relationship, I would not agree to these sexual lifestyle choices in the future.


Interesting. I guess this fantasy is always doomed to failure from the start because the whole cuckolding project requires the guy to become subordinate and females find this off-putting (unless losing respect for the guy is also part of the spiel...but by then it's too late).

These thoughts have crossed my mind (and I have shared them though as soon as I utter the words, I realise how ridiculous it is). In reality, I think unless I murder the guy afterwards, I would not be able to move on with my life...Very strange. I have no idea where they come from (the thoughts). Or why.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I think that fantasies are just fantasies, they are play. So my husband likes to play up this fantasy by talking dirty about it during sex. He in no way wants me to actually have sex with another man. But the thought turns him on. 

Rape fantasy, cuckold fantasy, s&m fantasy, pool boy fantasy or whatever is just play. Because when we turn into reality.... it's rape, adultery, and abuse. There is a difference between fantasy and reality.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Sometime back, a guy came here bellyaching about how his wife cheated on him with a coworker. He then went over to SI and, deep in the middle of a very long thread, he stated that it was his suggestion that his wife sleep with another man. He said it turned him on. He planted that thought into his wife's head and over time, she grabbed on to it and ran with it. It wasn't what he expected, however, because she announced her intention to follow through with it right before she did it, giving him no time to react or object. She turned her phone off right after telling him she was going for it. Now they're in a very bitter divorce. She's jumping from one men to another and hasn't stopped ever since, and he hasn't posted in a while. I'm not going to lie: I thoroughly enjoyed seeing cucks like him suffer from their foolishness. The only victims from that familial destruction are his kids, who are being neglected by his STBXW while she goes out many evenings, leaving them little to no food. Selfish people like them deserve everything they get. 

Another story by a woman who said she gave in to her husband's pressure to have an open marriage just to please him. Their marriage ended in divorce and the wife regretted compromising her values most of all. 

I just don't understand this growing fad with western men wanting other men to sleep with their wives while they watch. That is so effeminate, imo, like they are low in testosterone or something. I can't really explain it.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Hmm, I wonder if it is always degrading. Another view is that the other man is a sex toy for his wife. Someone of so little importance that he isn't on the social ladder, a slave ordered to please her.

Qgain, not my kink, so I really don't know. 



katiecrna said:


> A lot of men with this fantasy are in high powered positions and want to be degraded and embarrassed. Also many think their wife is so hot that they want to see her getting done by someone else.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Hmm, I wonder if it is always degrading. Another view is that the other man is a sex toy for his wife. Someone of so little importance that he isn't on the social ladder, a slave ordered to please her.
> 
> 
> 
> Qgain, not my kink, so I really don't know.




I guess we need to ask someone who is into it. I also think this is on a spectrum. I know some men love to be told that the OM **** was bigger than theirs, and how the OM pleases them better, and basically all this sick stuff to degrade the husband.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

There are a lot more men living their sex lives online than those actually doing what they say they are doing. What you are noticing is a lot of guys who masturbate to cuckold porn until they want to experience it themselves. Online it is not really their wife and then have no emotions other than arousal. Real life is very different.

I was a cuckold before it was even called that back in 1972. That lasted a year and ended when my girlfriend asked my three visiting friends to gang bang her and then expected me to lick her clean. After that I cuckolded two husbands and one fiancee for a few months. I cuckolded my last **** for 25 years. He liked the fact that I am married and sterile because he lost his first wife to one of her lovers.

Long story short is that most who post about it are living their sex lives online. Reality rarely mirrors our fantasies. First off, most guys cannot have sex with a husband watching. Sex with no condom is plain stupid. Randomly picking up guys in a bar is not going to snag you a guy with a large penis who can go all night.

I used to call out a lot of guys on a cuckold website until I realized that almost all of them were into online fantasy sex play and supported each other. Case in point was the guy who said his wife was cuckolding and feminizing him. His wife invited all of his friends and family over to have him serve them a meal dressed like a maid while wearing a chastity belt. He was to announce that his wife was pregnant with a black man's baby. After the meal they all urinated on him. I went back the next day to see who called him out on it but instead found 15 post either congratulating him or express jealousy that the guy did what they want to do. That is online sex sites for you. One guy said that his wife tied him to the bed when she went out to cuckold him a few nights a week and did not return until the next day. When I asked him how he went to the bathroom and the danger of being tied for so long, his story changes. The more holes I picked in his story, the more it changed. That is online sex forums for you.

Most into cuckolding are bisexual either openingly or repressed according to experts who deal with sexual problems. 60% was the last figure I saw. It certainly was the case for my wife. I never knew why she was so into watching me with other women and I was not about to kill the golden goose by asking questions. Eventually she realized that she likes sex with women. There are many reasons for cuckolding other than being bi. For some it is a live sex show with the star going home with him at the end of the night. For others it makes their wive seem more valuable because other men want her. One thing that is constant is that the sex with your wife afterwards is very intense to what is called sperm competition. In other words, you give it your A Plus game.

Some guys do it to degrade their wives or use their wives as sex objects to feed their fetish and any pleasure that their wife gets is incidental to her doing the things he wants her to do. What I tell guys interested in this is to try to find long married couples into cuckolding. They are as rare as hen's teeth. The cucks that I knew all ended up divorcing because it seems that their wives end up resenting them for not loving them enough to want them all to themselves or get tired of feeling like they are being used for their husband's fetish and he cares more about satisfying that fetish than he does about his wife. Rules are false security and when emotions kick in, wives make bad decisions. Two cuckoldresses were willing to leave their husband for me and that was the reason I left them. Did not want to ruin anyone's marriage. It is one thing when both husband and wife are into it but when the wife goes off the reservation, as they say, goes rogue, it is a much different game.

Hope I gave you some insight into cuckolding or wife sharing. Yes I have watched my wife with another man and it did nothing for me and my wife hated it. She likes to play with girls and just me.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Vinnydee said:


> There are a lot more men living their sex lives online than those actually doing what they say they are doing. What you are noticing is a lot of guys who masturbate to cuckold porn until they want to experience it themselves. Online it is not really their wife and then have no emotions other than arousal. Real life is very different.
> 
> I was a cuckold before it was even called that back in 1972. That lasted a year and ended when my girlfriend asked my three visiting friends to gang bang her and then expected me to lick her clean. After that I cuckolded two husbands and one fiancee for a few months. I cuckolded my last **** for 25 years. He liked the fact that I am married and sterile because he lost his first wife to one of her lovers.




Ok so because you are a cuckold... what is it all about? What feeling does it create That turns you on? Humiliation, degrading, being dominated...


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Interesting. I guess this fantasy is always doomed to failure from the start because the whole cuckolding project requires the guy to become subordinate and females find this off-putting (unless losing respect for the guy is also part of the spiel...but by then it's too late).
> 
> These thoughts have crossed my mind (and I have shared them though as soon as I utter the words, I realise how ridiculous it is). In reality, I think unless I murder the guy afterwards, I would not be able to move on with my life...Very strange. I have no idea where they come from (the thoughts). Or why.


Yes I do believe the fulfilment of this fantasy is doomed to failure and not worth the risks involved. Although I didn't personally experience this response, I also wonder if it couldn't also introduce the subconscious feeling of being pimped out, to the woman involved. In my mind, that type of reaction seems even more damaging than the loss of respect. 

It would be interesting to hear some theories on what drives this interest in men, particularly when it's a very strong interest that they feel compelled to act on. When you think about the act, what aspect of it is the turn on?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

cuckolding? it is a kinky fetish. Some men have them.

Some guys love to have a woman kick their balls. over and over. Why? Who the F knows, but obviously it turns them on.

i am not going to judge another man, just point out eh inherent dangers in talking your wife into ****ing other men! Pandora had this box once and....


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Keke24 said:


> * It would be interesting to hear some theories on what drives this interest in men*, particularly when it's a very strong interest that they feel compelled to act on. When you think about the act, what aspect of it is the turn on?


I enjoy aspects of tantric tease and denial and discovered this while reading the forums about karezza at https://www.reuniting.info/ which is a very monogamous site that discusses using orgasm denial as a means to explore sex for the purpose of emotionally bonding with one another. So in my efforts to research and learn more, the topic orgasm denial is all too often associated with chastity play and then you guessed it, cuckolding. When first researching this, I was always like "WTF why can't couples just enjoy some form of orgasm denial without all this humiliation crap and swinging lifestyle." Anyway, I am now somewhat fairly well read on this topic out of morbid curiosity and I do find some wive's aptitude towards the psychology of knowing how to tease their husbands to be somewhat fascinating. But in all my reading about cuckolding, here are a few of my theories:

*THEORY 1*
Most men grow up watching porn and essentially the experience of watching a desirable woman have sex with multiple partners becomes too rewarding. Men that watch porn compulsively likely know that these female objects of their desire will never love them back and are inaccessible in real life. Some men that get into cuckolding seem to be obsessed with an opportunity to have their wife emulate the porn they watched growing up by taking photos/videos or her sleeping with another man and then use that for erotic stimulation knowing that for the first time that the porn they are watching actually loves them back and did this just for them.

*THEORY 2*
In a great deal of cuckolding porn and websites there seems to be some form of suppressed male homosexuality (perhaps bisexuality) that these men fear for whatever reason. Meanwhile they are able to attract and have sex with other men via proxy by using their wives. My theory is that this type of man is aroused by observing and trying to experience another man's arousal. If his wife is in charge of this, it allows him to have very close participation with the other male which usually will culminate in a threesome for which the wife will encourage the other male to have direct sexual contact with her husband in ways that humiliate him pleasurably for his fear of homosexuality. 

*THEORY 3*
Some men grow up feeling inadequate to please their wives and are engrained that all other men are bigger, stronger, and better then them. This type of man's biggest fear is that his wife will leave him for another man. For whatever reason he feels that her fidelity to him is an unfair punishment due to his inadequacy and he feels that she deserves to have a satisfying sex life. So this type of male is excited about being very in control of finding another man for his wife to entertain herself with sexually as it allows him to confront his fears of abandonment and experience his wife coming back to him after the experience is over. For this male it is all about the euphoria each time she returns to him because this is what he needs to feel loved and know that she will not leave him. 

One blog that I have enjoyed reading because I find the nature of how his wife teases him to be rather fascinating, and combined with the fact that he has blogged continuously about it now for over a decade but yet I can never guess what will happen next. It is like watching a movie where you know the main character is doomed and will be destroyed by all his villains, but somehow manages to barely survive, just like Batman when he is tied up and suspended over a tank of acid. I'll revisit that blog every once in a great while knowing that it should have ended by now, but somehow the guy has managed to survive to live another day in his marriage. I am always like WTF, and HOW is his wife managing to keep putting up with him AND encourage this???? OMG she did what to him last time!!!! Holy crap Batman! She is now in the process of slowly turning her husband back into her alpha male from beta, emphasis on SLOWLY and humiliating him by not allowing him to progress as fast as he wants at this! She lets him take one step forwards and she pushes him two steps back. She seems motivated by empowering her husband to become her sole and only lover, but she knows she has to tease him back into this role in order for it to work so she can quit the "lifestyle" and have a normal marriage as they get too old for anymore nonsense.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

What I'd like to know is if this is an exclusively male fantasy, or if there are some women out there who share it, as well? (ie. watching their husband with another woman). I have yet to hear of one instance of a woman being interested in this, let alone following through.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

alexm said:


> What I'd like to know is if this is an exclusively male fantasy, or if there are some women out there who share it, as well? (ie. watching their husband with another woman). I have yet to hear of one instance of a woman being interested in this, let alone following through.


Yes - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckquean


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> Yes I do believe the fulfilment of this fantasy is doomed to failure and not worth the risks involved. Although I didn't personally experience this response, I also wonder if it couldn't also introduce the subconscious feeling of being pimped out, to the woman involved. In my mind, that type of reaction seems even more damaging than the loss of respect.
> 
> It would be interesting to hear some theories on what drives this interest in men, particularly when it's a very strong interest that they feel compelled to act on. When you think about the act, what aspect of it is the turn on?


I wrote a bit about it in the hotwife thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/369018-hotwife-fantasy-8.html

I think it's just to see my wife really turned on, independently of me, might be a huge turn on. Why independently of me...difficult to say. I think there might be some wires getting crossed in my brain (because it makes no sense to me): to see your wife all turned on plus another guy and being in control of that situation (though that's debatable but lets assume it is this way, since it's a fantasy) is a bit like _letting_ a human dildo bringing wife to ecstasy. But it only works when I think about it from wife's perspective (who may not even enjoy it, so it's kind of pointless). Once I think about the guy as a person, I feel rage. 
I know for sure that I would not be able go on with my life if I did let this happen so i don't dwell on it too much and it remains a fantasy. I just don't see it working out in real life at all. I don't care so much for the humiliation aspect for myself although it might be hot, I don't know. Haven't thought about it and we never really reversed roles in bedroom (her dominating me). It's all to do with basically having a fantasy of my wife having a fantasy of being ****ty plus me (having the illusion) of being in control of her ****tiness. How another dude ends up in the picture sometimes, I have no idea!
Messed up. But it seems there are many different reasons why men fantasize about it. But I have a feeling that in the majority of cases it totally doesn't do "what it says on the bow" it is supposed to do for the wife! She probably ends up feeling the other male is actually taking over husband and that seems a big turn off. So i don't see how it can work out. Unless a woman really loves a non-alpha guy or changes _her_ perspective (that it's the husband _letting_ her getting ****ed). The brain...why did they give me one :|


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

badsanta said:


> I enjoy aspects of tantric tease and denial and discovered this while reading the forums about karezza at https://www.reuniting.info/ which is a very monogamous site that discusses using orgasm denial as a means to explore sex for the purpose of emotionally bonding with one another. So in my efforts to research and learn more, the topic orgasm denial is all too often associated with chastity play and then you guessed it, cuckolding. When first researching this, I was always like "WTF why can't couples just enjoy some form of orgasm denial without all this humiliation crap and swinging lifestyle." Anyway, I am now somewhat fairly well read on this topic out of morbid curiosity and I do find some wive's aptitude towards the psychology of knowing how to tease their husbands to be somewhat fascinating. But in all my reading about cuckolding, here are a few of my theories:
> 
> *THEORY 1*
> Most men grow up watching porn and essentially the experience of watching a desirable woman have sex with multiple partners becomes too rewarding. Men that watch porn compulsively likely know that these female objects of their desire will never love them back and are inaccessible in real life. Some men that get into cuckolding seem to be obsessed with an opportunity to have their wife emulate the porn they watched growing up by taking photos/videos or her sleeping with another man and then use that for erotic stimulation knowing that for the first time that the porn they are watching actually loves them back and did this just for them.


Just examining myself from your points:
Not sure about theory 1. I never cared if the women in porn loved me back or didn't...The turn on for me was just imagining the particular scenario/reliving the sex act, nothing more, no emotions at all.
I also don't know if the 'porn star' (my wife) always loves me back the same way I do...but that's independent of the whole hotwife thing. If I record us during sex, it's usually to remember/hold the moment so that I can relive it when she is inaccessible for me or when I travel etc. It doesn't do anything to enhance the actual act at the time. If somebody else was watching us: perhaps might be a turn on because I am mildly exhibitionist like that (I guess, but I never tried) but the sexuality/arousal of third person would not really be of interest so much I don't think.


_*THEORY 2*
In a great deal of cuckolding porn and websites there seems to be some form of suppressed male homosexuality (perhaps bisexuality) that these men fear for whatever reason. Meanwhile they are able to attract and have sex with other men via proxy by using their wives. My theory is that this type of man is aroused by observing and trying to experience another man's arousal. If his wife is in charge of this, it allows him to have very close participation with the other male which usually will culminate in a threesome for which the wife will encourage the other male to have direct sexual contact with her husband in ways that humiliate him pleasurably for his fear of homosexuality. _

Definitely does not resonate with me. It's all about wife and her arousal in the scenario. (And possibly a control game/pushing it).

_*THEORY 3*
Some men grow up feeling inadequate to please their wives and are engrained that all other men are bigger, stronger, and better then them. This type of man's biggest fear is that his wife will leave him for another man. For whatever reason he feels that her fidelity to him is an unfair punishment due to his inadequacy and he feels that she deserves to have a satisfying sex life. So this type of male is excited about being very in control of finding another man for his wife to entertain herself with sexually as it allows him to confront his fears of abandonment and experience his wife coming back to him after the experience is over. For this male it is all about the euphoria each time she returns to him because this is what he needs to feel loved and know that she will not leave him. _

Interesting theory. Never thought about it that way. I do often feel she might be happier with someone else (or rather, how can she know that she wouldn't, since she assures me she is with me but never has been in any other LTR). I think this has been the underlying theme of our relationship for 20 years...But I am not sure it's connected to the hotwife thing or I have never connected it. Maybe you are onto something...I am not sure why an insecurity would manifest itself in a sexual kink though.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

@badsanta, very interesting theories and I think all spot on. I would guess that my ex was operating under Theory 3 when he asked me to act out this fantasy. It fits in with his extreme nice guy tendencies which were rooted in his unresolved abandonment issues stemming from childhood. And the masochistic aspect that I sensed despite his denial, and that initially threw me off. I couldn't understand, why would he torture himself this way? But what you've presented here makes sense. 

I'm not familiar with karezza at all. Thanks for sharing that. The blog you refer to at the end, care to share? With that description, I'm super curious to find out more about this interesting dynamic between husband/wife.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> I wrote a bit about it in the hotwife thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/369018-hotwife-fantasy-8.html
> 
> I think it's just to see my wife really turned on, independently of me, might be a huge turn on.
> 
> ...


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My wife asked me if I ever had that fantasy.

My reaction was; How would you like to watch me **** some random woman?
Our reaction was nope nope and nope.

I have difficulty with polyamory in any of its forms. Almost everyone I have met in that lifestyle has at least one broken relationship as a result.

It may be exciting in the moment, however it has an aftermath. That aftermath is deadly.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Ever see one of the old giallo movies from the 1970s...the Italian made murder-horror movies? Where you have lots of stabbing and slicing and fountains of irridecent blood flying everywhere? That's what it would look like if I saw my woman being nailed by another dude. 

I'd be hacking his head off with my machete...she'd be screaming and slipping and sliding around in his blood trying to get out of there....

It wouldn't be good for any of the parties present.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Is it really a genuine fantasy? For a few maybe but my opinion is the rise of this new fetish it's just an escalation from a porn addiction. A few years ago an old TAM member made the case for this and I wish I could remember his name or saved his post. Basically a porn addict needs more and more dopamine as the porn gets more boring and mundane to the point where the wants to watch sex in person instead of on a computer screen. I don't think he necessarily wants to see his wife have sex with another man, he just wants to see live sex. His addiction has taken over common sense.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Ever see one of the old giallo movies from the 1970s...the Italian made murder-horror movies? Where you have lots of stabbing and slicing and fountains of irridecent blood flying everywhere? That's what it would look like if I saw my woman being nailed by another dude.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




That's a whole different fantasy altogether 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

soccermom2three said:


> Is it really a genuine fantasy? For a few maybe but my opinion is the rise of this new fetish it's just an escalation from a porn addiction. A few years ago an old TAM member made the case for this and I wish I could remember his name or saved his post. Basically a porn addict needs more and more dopamine as the porn gets more boring and mundane to the point where the wants to watch sex in person instead of on a computer screen. I don't think he necessarily wants to see his wife have sex with another man, he just wants to see live sex. His addiction has taken over common sense.




No that's definitely not it. I know it's popular to blame porn on everything plus their dog here.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> Is it really a genuine fantasy? For a few maybe but my opinion is the rise of this new fetish it's just an escalation from a porn addiction. A few years ago an old TAM member made the case for this and I wish I could remember his name or saved his post. Basically a porn addict needs more and more dopamine as the porn gets more boring and mundane to the point where the wants to watch sex in person instead of on a computer screen. I don't think he necessarily wants to see his wife have sex with another man, he just wants to see live sex. His addiction has taken over common sense.


Most of this cuckolding/hot-wife craze had been generated by the porn industry and the plethora of hosting sites. This new perversion was injected into our society by an industry that is out to do one thing: make money. It is not a product of any kind of natural social evolution.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Most of this cuckolding/hot-wife craze had been generated by the porn industry and the plethora of hosting sites. This new perversion was injected into our society by an industry that is out to do one thing: make money. It is not a product of any kind of natural social evolution.




It's the other way around. Porn caters to people's fantasies. Those fantasies have been around since people had brains.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> It's the other way around. Porn caters to people's fantasies. Those fantasies have been around since people had brains.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I cannot agree. This is a new and incipient behavior. Prior to this men cloistered their women to keep them from being taken by other men. In some societies this is still the case. 

When a young male lion chases off an old male and takes his pride of females, the first thing he does is he kills the babies from the old male. This is to stop the old male's genetic line cold, and ensure that only his progeny and genetic line goes forward. 

There is no evolutionary explanation for endorsed cuckoldry. Unendorsed cucklodry yes, but men are programmed to drive off other males. 

I am anyway. I'm a jealous S.O.B. That is why the TAM ladies look askance at me. I'm a caveman.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

MapMan said:


> This is what I have heard is a natural biological reaction. The husband in effect puts the other man ahead of him in the social order and the wife can't help but respect him less. Like many men, I have the fantasy, but I know that to indulge it would irrevocably change how she saw me forever.


This is such an interesting perspective on why a woman would think less of her husband after the act. 

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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I've never wanted to watch my wife with another man, and she's never wanted to watch me with another woman. The voyeur or cuckold/cuckquean thing has no appeal for us.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

MapMan said:


> This is what I have heard is a natural biological reaction. The husband in effect puts the other man ahead of him in the social order and the wife can't help but respect him less. Like many men, I have the fantasy, but I know that to indulge it would irrevocably change how she saw me forever.


Maybe that's the way it is with animals, not necessarily humans.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

GavinM said:


> I have been surprised by the (seemingly) large number of posts that have come up lately about wife-watching , open or cuckold relationships. Especially on this site where the majority or posters are very clear and vocal on their opinions on this topic.
> 
> However, these posts are still getting some responses so my question is; if you have a fantasy of watching your spouse or imagining her with someone else is this something you have shared? How did you share it and what was the response?
> 
> ...


Sounds like you want to broach the topic with your spouse, but in a way that might not destroy your marriage or turn your partner off.

If so, you might want to listen to the following TED topic as a way to explore Monomomish, or using extra marital sexual stimulation but in thought not action. Then maybe later talk but not touch. And even touch with nothing the violates marital vows.

Skip to the 10 minute mark to find out what she is talking about in how to have a FMF fantasy. It would also work for MFM. 




This talk is a good example of how to explore a fantasy, but to keep it fantasy and not real.

As to bringing the topic up with your spouse talk to them about role playing and then show them this TED talk.

Good luck.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That O'Reilly chick works for the Playboy Network doesn't she? I saw her on a talk show. She used to be a porn actress I believe. 

Yeah....she's somebody I want to go to for advice on my marriage.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...


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## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

Thanks for all the feedback. 

I have spoken to my wife about this. We both know its just a fantasy, one that we would never live ut, for all the intuitive reasons, but I was nervous about first talking to her about it. We sort of 'eased' into it based on sharing or learning of various things and her observing my reaction.

Based on the number of recent posts of the subject I was curious about, or if at all, how others broached this subject with their spouses. However, based on the limited direct responses I received I think the one poster may have been correct when they mused that a number of these recent posts on the subject might be emanating from a small number of sources. I think the fantasy might be more prevalent than people think, but not on TAM. People who are on this site generally shouldn't be drawn to this sort of thing. The opposite really. 

BTW, my wife's response to this fantasy has been that she is fine with it. I expressed to her how it made me feel uncomfortable/ashamed, knowing that this aroused me but she just responded that, "If it doesnt hurt anyone and it feels good than whats the problem?" She may just be saying this to be kind but her actions have been consistent with this, so far.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Nice going. Now you've planted this thought seed into your wife's mind. Don't be surprised that consciously or subconsciously, she entertains the thought and decides that, hey, if my husband is turned on by this, and there's a guy that I'm attracted to, I think I'll go for it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> I cannot agree. This is a new and incipient behavior. Prior to this men cloistered their women to keep them from being taken by other men. In some societies this is still the case.


It's not new. The term cuckold came into existence around 1250 AD, and the term wittol around 1520 for men who were knowing and willing (wittingly) cuckolds. Yes, it's become much more common and known since porn became so ubiquitous.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

soccermom2three said:


> Is it really a genuine fantasy? For a few maybe but my opinion is the rise of this new fetish it's just an escalation from a porn addiction. A few years ago an old TAM member made the case for this and I wish I could remember his name or saved his post. Basically a porn addict needs more and more dopamine as the porn gets more boring and mundane to the point where the wants to watch sex in person instead of on a computer screen. I don't think he necessarily wants to see his wife have sex with another man, he just wants to see live sex. His addiction has taken over common sense.


The theory is correct, but I think pretty much every fantasy/fetish/whatever has been around since the dawn of time. Possibly even more so back when sex was far less talked about and more taboo than it is now.

I can tell you, as an extremely casual porn watching male (like once or twice a month), and one who's been around since before the internet, I have fantasies, and they have nothing to do with 'wanting more' than porn.

I have NO desire to see my wife with anybody else, however the thought of watching live sex has always been there. As has being watched by a third party. But for me, it's never been in an amoral way (ie. getting "caught" - quotation marks intended, or sneaking around in the bushes being a perv). I have zero interest in subjecting an unwilling person to something they don't want to see, and I also respect people's privacy, duh. But it's just fantasy, in the end. I don't (think) I have a wife who'd be interested in either of those, so it's a moot point. It's also not even close to being an obsession of mine, just simply something that's in the back of my mind, and almost always has. It'll never get acted upon by me. If my wife were to bring it up, however, I'd be all over it... :grin2:

The closest I ever came was when I was living in a college residence (not a dorm, so it was co-ed), just rental units for students. Was an old motel, cinder block walls, so you could hear pretty much anything next door. One neighbour was a single woman. Enough said. I wasn't single at the time, so it was initially awkward, being able to hear... everything, but the reality was the only way I could avoid it would be to leave the apt. or crank my music. Not something I particularly wanted to do at 11pm on a school night. So I "suffered" through it :grin2: She was... prolific, and mostly on her own. For a 19 year old horny male, that made for a perfect next-door neighbour!


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