# Hello



## Bleya127 (May 19, 2020)

My name is Brian and I am newly married to my wife Rachel for over 2 years. The funny thing is we have been together dating for over 12 and living together for about 6 years. I know so essentially we have been together for a long time. We have a 9 month old Rebecca who I love with all my heart. The child bearing days were not an easy one. My wife was Preeclampsia and the baby was an emergency premature birth. It was rough and a very stressful time in our lives. I tried to get time off of work but they refused and I begged my parents to be there l, but they didn’t and showed no interest too. Needless to say I was heartbroken on so many levels.

We pulled through and we now are home. We live in a mother daughter house. So I have my in laws who live upstairs. It couldn’t be better because I work wacky hours and my wife can work crazy hours as well so we have good child care. Everything was set and couldn’t be better.

Over time the situation with my parents grew worse. They haven’t been over my place once and showed no sign that they want to see my daughter their granddaughter. My wife couldn’t understand and neither did I. So we kept our distance from them and we went about our lives. I couldn’t get over but feel abandoned, my wife tried to explain to me that they aren’t worth it blah blah blah. It was still my parents and they flat out turned their backs on my family. So I went out and had a spending problem in orderto deal with this depressed. It did affect our marriage later on and I went to therapy and sought help. I have been good for months now. No sudden urges to spend money, I don’t have the feeling of being alone. So I recently made some space in the garage for a tool chest. I got one for 300 bucks and even asked for the floor model because it less money. My wife went ballistic. We had fights before but she threatened me with divorce and having a fall back place for me if she kicks me out. I was shocked. I admitted to her I messed up because I didn’t talk to her about the purchase. But while I was holding our child you scream at me threatened to divorce me. I can’t help but feel this feeling of abandonment again. Like I truely feel I have no one to go to for help now. Even if she didn’t mean to say it now she said it out in the open. Did she think of this before , is she saying this just to manipulate me. So now you are playing with my emotions. I just don’t know what to think


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sorry you are feeling lonely. I know how disappointing it can be when parents seem detached. You should be working on loving your daughter. You will never be alone when you have a 9 month old.

As far as why she said it only she knows. But my guess,
I think she's had it with trying to raise a kid and all the medical stuff while you are out spending money and making her feel insecure. Women with children Or most women do not like to feel insecure. Uncontrolled spending, no saving is a source of insecurity. Right now the world is working toward a recession that no one knows how deep or wide spread it will be and you are buying something that is obviously expensive for your household. She probably loves you but is also very frustrated. Yes if she said it she has thought it before. Warning your marriage is in trouble. She isn't trying to manipulate you (I don't think). How do you think it makes her feel when you have her and a daughter but you talk about being alone and abandoned? You are saying your family isn't enough. You have a family.

Who pays the bills and balances the budget? Most married couples have a money limit that they know they need to talk to their spouse before spending. Each couple is different, do you know what yours is? It is time to find out. 

Also depression is awful and have you sought help? Spending every time you feel alone is not the answer.

What is your household debt? Savings? emergency savings? college savings?

Seek help for your depression. Sit an have a rational conversation with your wife about money. If the debt or lack of savings is large, get a temporary job to help pay those off.

Money and young children are two really big stressors in a marriage.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

So you admit you messed up, but still say her reaction is manipulation and playing with your emotions. 

I'm sorry for the birth problems and your parents' behavior, but your spending can be its own problem. 

You're lucky to have the situation you do w/ her parents, but prepare for the next step by getting your finances in order.


----------

