# Pregnant with a Lazy Husband



## Babiez7X11 (Feb 19, 2011)

Im 22 weeks pregnant with a 6 year old and 19 month old. Ive been married for 3 1/2 years to, what i think is, the most laziest man ever! I work all day and come home to have to clean, cook and take care of the kids while he stays home and doesnt do anything productive with his time. Instead of applying for jobs online hes on facebook.... 24/7 from the moment he wakes up to before he knocks out at night. He'll only get up to help me with duties around the house when i nag his ass off. And thats when the arguments start.
Ever since we first started at this relationship, Ive always been the one to hold a job, to have a higher salary, to pay for everything. hes had one steady job for about two years in this 4 1/2 years relationship but never made enough to even pay half of the bills or the things that we needed. i should have taken it as a sign from our first date when he wasnt even able to pay for gas, that he was a bad idea. All we do is argue about him not having a job to help support his little family, not looking for one, not cleaning, always on facebook! its the same thing everytime. Always threaten to leave him, but never do.
Im Pregnant dammit! and i feel i shouldnt have to go through this! i should be able to stay home with my kids. im sooo frustrated and emotionally drained. i need someone whos gonna take care of me and my kids, not me having to take care of another(him). Dont know what to do!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

You have two kids with him and one on the way. You are the one that has always held a job.

You married him why? Also might be a good idea to not have anymore kids with him if he can't help out. Its not fair that everything falls on one person.

It almost sounds like you are single in the sense you work, you pay the bills, you cook, clean and take care of kids. I was going to say maybe he is suffering from some kind of depression,but you basically said he has pretty much always been like this as far as the bills go, jobs etc. 

You are probably going to have to lay some boundaries down and follow through with them. maybe because you have put up with his behavior, he sees it as you not being serious and thinks you wont do anything. He should be held accountable, if he isn't he will keep on.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You sound like a woman who is capable of taking care of yourself. It sounds like your husband is living his life via cyberspace, with little (if any!) interest in his family.

Although your children are still young, do want him to be the example they see in the role of father and husband? Somehow, I don't think so.

If he isn't willing to tear himself away from Facebook and pull his weight, you should seriously consider seeing an attorney.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Let me ask you this: Did he ever live on his own and take care of bills and such before you entered his life? 

He sounds very much like my ex-husband. He lived at home with his parents until we got together, when he moved in with me. His parents treated him like a prince, since he was the only son. Never had to work, pay a bill, do anything for himself. (Sadly enough, they still do.) And for quite some time, I made the majority of the money, made sure the bills were paid on time, etc. He worked a part-time stock clerk job in a grocery store until well after my first son was born. He only began working at a job that actually paid the bills after I expressed a strong desire to stay at home with my son and my ex knew that if I didn't get to do that, I would be miserable which meant he would be miserable. Even then, all he did was work. No help around the house, ever. I could have been throwing up blood, and he would have asked what I was making for dinner. 

In the end, I decided if I was going to live like a single mother anyway, I might as well divorce him so that I could date like a single mother could. There were other problems in our relationship as well, but his laziness and lack of responsibility did play a huge role in why I got fed up. 

It kind of sounds like you're getting to that point, if you're not already there. You could try forcing his hand, and saying that if he doesn't get a job and start helping out, you're going to end the marriage or separate or whatever. But then you have to be prepared to follow through on that if he doesn't do it. 

You're already effectively a single mother, since you're making all the money, and doing all the housekeeping and childcare and everything else. 

The question is: What does he give to you and/or your relationship that makes it worth staying and putting up with the laziness? I left when I realized the answer to that question was "nothing."


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

You're both at fault here. Him for not doing anything, and you for allowing it. My guess is, you allowed it for so long because you hoped things would change. Rarely do things change on their own until something major has to happen.


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## polliwanna (Feb 11, 2011)

I agree! You have definitely set a precedent here! You may as well consider him your oldest child. You have to make a stand with this guy.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You have a house cat! Don't expect anything to change. It sounds as though he was this way before you met him. He's going to continue to be lazy. I had the same deal going on with my husband. However, he could earn a big pay check. Outside of that he didn't lift a finger to help with anything. He was so lazy! And he still is. I hate to say this, but I think you are going to have to accept this, or move on without him.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I agree with everyone who has posted above me. It will not get any better. If it were going to, you'd see signs of improvement by now.


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## Babiez7X11 (Feb 19, 2011)

Thanx everyone for your of advice! We just recently got into it again and he is no longer here with us anymore so your words are helping me from giving in. Whenever this happens, I always seem to miss him, then end up apologizing for the exchange of words or vice versa. But then were back at it a couple days later.
Uggghhhh!!!!! How hard is it to help out around the house especially if your not going to have a JOB!!?? He was probably only useful for picking up my daughter from school and watching my son while I was at work...which i doubt he was doing
He says he loves us, but does he really?


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## Babiez7X11 (Feb 19, 2011)

yes hes always lived under his parents roof until i came into the picture. i married him mainly because my daughter from a previous relationship, adored him sooo much and he was just someone i could talk to about everything. i stayed with him hoping one day hell change but i dont know. and ya i do agree....it is also my fault for allowing this problem to continue. Im thinking maybe this seperation will change him and make him realize that "wow! i should really get my ass up now and do something for my family"!!! My kids love him a lot and my daughter misses him so much right now and honestly i do too but im trying to stay strong.


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