# My W filed for divorce yesterday



## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

She called me today and said she did. She said come over to discuss it.

I went there. I asked why did she do it as we agreed to do it together? She said she just had to. 

She said she put she wants shared custody. I have no problem if it is true, even though she did it w/o my knowledge.

I said we have to attend ' parenting after separation sessions ' , she said she did long ago nd said I don't have to, but I do.

So I gues I have to wait to be served and see what the paper says. What else can I do?

But I have a fear that she didn't file YET but is preparing for it and may file for full custody. 

Is there any possible way I can find out if she filed or not? We live in Canada and I have no lawyer yet.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

What does it matter if she did it yet or will do it soon? And why do you think she would bluff?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I don't think she can file unless she has your signature. I'm not sure about your laws.


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

dobo said:


> What does it matter if she did it yet or will do it soon? And why do you think she would bluff?


It matters. If she did then i have a chance to review it before I get papers to sign and if she put full custody instead of shared, I have time to file for temporary full custody.

If she didn't then that means she is preparing and I am scared she may pull something funny regarding the child custody.

Why would she bluff? Why did she do it on her own (if she did) even though we agreed on doing it together? Why she never told me she attended "parenting after separation" sessions and told me I don't have to?

She is not trustworthy.


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> I don't think she can file unless she has your signature. I'm not sure about your laws.


Yup she can. If she did I will get papers in mail to sign if I agree with what it says and have 2 weeks to return them.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

No. You don't understand. You will work out an agreement with your lawyer who will negitiate with the other lawyer and the other lawyer will then write up the agreement that you can both sign.

Of course someone has to fire the first shot. But that doesn't mean that you have to accept what is written.

All she is doing is petitioning for the marriage to end and providing a basis for that request, she isn't writing up an entire agreement about stuff and the kids.


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## Lizzie60 (Sep 13, 2009)

My only advice: call a lawyer NOW!!!!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

dobo is right. That is how it works in Texas at least.


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

@dobo.

Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it.

But where we live there is a way to do it with only 1 lawyer or without lawyer. But she didn't want to wait for the free appointment in late Oct.

This is how it works here if our divorce/custody is agreeable 

One of us files with a lawyer. Then we get papers (whatever the papers are called) which state what she wrote. If I like it and agree I can sign it and send it back (but I will have my lawyer take a look first) and if I disagree *then I must do the way you suggested.*

So the paper I recieve (and sign?) should have all details. She told me if I disagree with something to contact her to work it out.

But now I am a little more confident that she did file than when I opened this thread. I did some research. 

I received a letter from a collection agency yesterday in her name and it says she has to pay over $4000 for her cellphone. I thought it was some error so I called them back. They confirmed it. I called her and told her that and asked if she wants me to give them her # or to give her the letter. She said just give me the letter.

She wasn't happy I found out about it. The agency told me the bill is from Jan/09 to April/09. She left in Nov.

It figures why she spent so little time with our child and if it comes to contested child custody may I be able to use this vs her as well cuz she was home collecting CTB while I took the care of the child nearly all the time?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Harris said:


> She told me if I disagree with something to contact her to work it out.


Just look out for yourself, especially if she's been acting odd with the whole thing.

You may be able to agree with what you read, but it's best to have a lawyer review it too since the lawyer will look out for your best interest and may notice important omissions.

For example, let's say she has plans to move herself and the kids to another province...but legally it is not stated in the agreement that she cannot do this...a lawyer should be able to catch important omissions.

Also, understand your current financial state before you agree to anything. What if you were obligated for 1/2 her phone bill and had no idea she owed $4000

I would not call her first to discuss...I would discuss with lawyer first and send revisions to her lawyer...or her if she does not have one.


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

swedish said:


> Just look out for yourself, especially if she's been acting odd with the whole thing.
> 
> You may be able to agree with what you read, but it's best to have a lawyer review it too since the lawyer will look out for your best interest and may notice important omissions.
> 
> ...


You are right. She lied.

I got served and it says the lawyer is representing _her_ only.

She is trying to make me pay all costs plus her bills including the phone bill. How evil.

Now I have to respond. I think I may respond with temporary full custody request before she does. What I really want is shared custody, she wants full physical and joint parenting.

I'm just scared she may apply for temporary full custody before I do. I don't know if she can still do it while she already stated what she wants. I will have a lawyer in 3 weeks.

If she does file for temporary custody is there a certain criteria she has to meet such as something against me or do they reward it automatically who ever applies/files first?

Anyone?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

good question. Sorry, I don't have an answer for that one.

Sorry to hear she decided to get nasty. I would imagine it's the same in Canada as US, but a lawyer can technically only represent one person, and must list who that is. It definitely is in your best interest to be represented as well, so I'm glad you have something lined up.

Do you think she did the 'parenting after separation' classes to get a leg up on temporary custody? Just sounds fishy. I am not familiar with that, but sounds like something you should do ASAP so she can't use it as a reason why she should get temporary custody.


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

swedish said:


> good question. Sorry, I don't have an answer for that one.
> 
> Sorry to hear she decided to get nasty. I would imagine it's the same in Canada as US, but a lawyer can technically only represent one person, and must list who that is. It definitely is in your best interest to be represented as well, so I'm glad you have something lined up.
> 
> Do you think she did the 'parenting after separation' classes to get a leg up on temporary custody? Just sounds fishy. I am not familiar with that, but sounds like something you should do ASAP so she can't use it as a reason why she should get temporary custody.


Who knows why she did it but I will make an appointment and attend PAS classes ASAP.

I found out is she applies for temporary sole custody we both have to see the judge who will make a decision.

Thank God it is not automatic as I thought.

*BTW, She came here yesterday to pick up the child. I couldn't recognize her from all the makeup. I told her that i was served and I disagree. She said she didn't put what it says. She says her lawyer wrote it (as she doesn't speak English well). She said all she said to the lawyer was she wants the child little bit more, but he put her as primary caregiver. I said i will respond with what we agreed, shared custody even though if the child spend a bit more time with her. Also I said I will specify which half of her bills I am willing to pay. She said that's how it should say in the papers and she said she will do all she can to avoid fighting through the court.*

We will see.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Wishing you luck.. it breaks my heart to see kids go through this. We all need to act like adults and have some compassion for each other. Most marriages I see shouldn't end but do cause of stuborness.. I hope you guys slow the process down to give time a chance to cool..


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

Loving Husband said:


> Wishing you luck.. it breaks my heart to see kids go through this. We all need to act like adults and have some compassion for each other. Most marriages I see shouldn't end but do cause of stuborness.. I hope you guys slow the process down to give time a chance to cool..


Thank you. yes it is the kids. How to tell my son why his mom and I don't live together when he grows up a bit? There is no answer to it that he can understand.

But what hurts the most is he won't be together with both of us at the same time.He will not have a brother or sister (from same parents)

I am not ashamed to say that I cry when I think about it.

BTW, I tried to slow the process. I wanted to ask her lawyer for more time to respond but he is away. i called her and asked why she lied when we previously agreed on all? She is playing she don't get it. She says she will sign my response as we agreed before. Well, we will see.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Some stats have a manditory cool down. I know NJ USED to have an 18 months rule. Needed 18 months from seperation before could process through.. Now they got rid of that. This is really some what new in the process. You guys need time to see if it can be worked out. My wife has gone from running fast to stopping and making a u-turn in a month. Now I don't know how hurt she is at you but you'll be surprised what some time to think can do.


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

It is 1 year here. it's been almost a year.She already found new love.


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