# Miserable



## John Brown (Nov 14, 2013)

I am in need of advice. I was the cheater but it only last a few weeks. Bad enough I know. I am repentant and have made as much restitution as is humanly possible and have never done this again nor will I ever do it again. I just need to know how to get my relationship right with my wife. Its been over two years.


----------



## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

The affair has been over for two years or your marriage?

Either way, it's out of your hands now. Be open and honest, and then your wife will decide if you're worth the risk.


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

John Brown said:


> I am in need of advice. I was the cheater but it only last a few weeks. Bad enough I know. I am repentant and have made as much restitution as is humanly possible and have never done this again nor will I ever do it again. I just need to know how to get my relationship right with my wife. Its been over two years.


We need information and lots of it to make educated decisions on your behalf. What happened, how was it dealt with, who did you tell (friends, family, coworkers)?
Are you still around or in possible contact with the OW?
What changes have been made? Are you 100% transparent for her now?
What kind of man are you. Hard working, provider?do chores around home? kids?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You have to show her through actions that you are trustworthy. 

Like, never lying, being transparent, and absolutely NO CONTACT with the person you cheated with. 

Therapy is good too.

But know this: she will never fully trust you again because you broke it.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

John Brown said:


> I am in need of advice. I was the cheater but it only last a few weeks. Bad enough I know. I am repentant and have made as much restitution as is humanly possible and have never done this again nor will I ever do it again. I just need to know how to get my relationship right with my wife. Its been over two years.


So what exactly did you do ?

At the moment you've said next to nothing


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Have you had counselling? Sent a no no contact letter to your former affair partner?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

There is time and energy spent in the affair.

What have you done to make your wife feel like she is and always will be number one in your life?


----------



## Lister (Jan 29, 2013)

Hi JB,

I was a cheater for 3 years with D Day one and a half years ago. Since then my wife and I have been working on reconciliation. i can only pass on some key learnings for me of things you MUST do as soon as possible:

- Tell her the absolute truth of what happenned no matter how much every cell in your body screams at you to hide the sordid details. She needs to know the truth to heal.
- Tell no lies 
- Look inside yourself honestly and try and figure out why you had the affair. However unpleasant the answer share it with your wife and work out how you can avoid it ever happening again.
- Put no blame on her for your affair, it was your choice 

there's loads more, too much to write here. There are some good books that can help you and your wife. Two great ones that have really helped me are 'No More Mr Nice Guy' by Robert Glover and ' Not Just freinds' by Shirley Glass.

Good luck, it will probably be a rocky road ahead for quite some time, do not underestimate the devastation you have caused.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Some folks never get over an A. Some process the whole thing and after a period of time they come to the realization that they are done. With some it takes years to come to that conclusion.


----------



## Kaci (Mar 11, 2013)

harrybrown said:


> There is time and energy spent in the affair.
> 
> What have you done to make your wife feel like she is and always will be number one in your life?



Love this.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Marriage therapy ~ and together! The sooner the better! Get recommendations on a very good MC! They would be the only ones who could, through hard work, get each of you to look better in each others eyes, inasfar as trust issues go!

Best of luck, my friend!*


----------

