# Pregnant w/ twins & H is having EA



## Misee22 (Oct 19, 2011)

Loooonnng story as many as them are... my husband is having an EA with someone he met up with on a recent trip to Honduras. His father recently passed away & he took a trip there to sort out somethings. I found out about the EA through an email and chat log. He denies that it became an PA & says that she was "there for him" and that he doesn't want to lose her as friend. D-day was 9/2 and he supposedly ended it a week ago today after I had told him to leave the house over the weekend (10/7) because I saw the cell bill. There were over 50 phone calls... over 1200 minutes of talk time and I reached my limit. His mother ended up convincing me that if I kicked him out that I would essentially be pushing him into OW's arms... so I gave in and took him back. He has supposedly cut all phone contact. However, my gut and intuition tell me that he is still chatting and emailing with her. 

He continues to lock his cell when he comes home from work and won't share any passwords with me. He says he blocked her from messenger but has yet to prove it to me. He created a separate email account and won't turn that over to me either. 

I don't want to leave him and as the title of my post indicates I am 4 months pregnant with twins. We are both doing individual therapy and hope to start MC soon too. My belief is that he is still grieving the loss of his father and also trying to come to terms with becoming a father... to twins. He says he feels lost and the OW is just a distraction. He justifies the contact with OW because he doesn't see her, nor can she come here. 

I love him but feel like a sucker. Any advice?


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

If counseling is moving the two of you forward, be patient and loving, but also, do not let him push you around.

Best,

Lyn


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## Misery stinks (Oct 21, 2011)

I don't think I’m the best advice giver considering that I can hardly deal with my own hellish marriage, but I wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this!!!

I'd say that with all of his hiding, that he isn't done with her but instead he is just hiding it more. Get yourself tested for STD's, especially with you being pregnant and wear condoms at least for the remainder of your pregnancy just in case it did get physical and perhaps he could have caught something. Would he go to counseling with you?

I'm so sorry you're in this situation...


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

He needs to unlock the phone and give you the email password....My WH started talking to a woman a few months before the death of his 22 year old daughter...well he tells me after that the EA became a PA....He is in his early 40's and not very emotionally stable....I found out through cell phone bills also....confronted him and he finally admitted his adultry....when they are in the affair they are the greatest liars...my husband could look me right in the eyes, lie and not even flinch.....We are still together...and today I choose to forgive....but I don't forget nor will I beleive him.....I don't know when that will change...my H affair lasted about a year altogether....and it's been about a month and a half since I have found evidence of last contact....I don't believe he has given me everything either...I work out of state and am going home soon...I will get what I need then...I hope...


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

I agree there must be total honesty, openness and accountability.

L


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## Misee22 (Oct 19, 2011)

Thanks everyone for your advice. What worries me most right now is that he needs to go back to Honduras at the beginning of next month and refuses to take me with him. I understand in a way because it is not a very safe country and me being pregnant & all it probably isn't a good idea, but for the sake of our marriage I feel like I have to go with him. 

My feeling is that he keeps chat & email contact with her and perhaps has her call him at work during the week (there is no way I would ever be able to see that phone bill to confirm) because he is going back there and will want to see her. He assures me it's over and that I "have nothing to worry about"... but his word is completely worthless to me right now. 

So far he has only had one therapy session and I have had three. They seem to help but I still find myself sad and lonely. If I wasn't pregnant I'm pretty sure I'd be on some pretty heavy anti-depressants.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

what about a relative going with him...one you trust?


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## Misee22 (Oct 19, 2011)

The only person I would trust to go with him would be his mother. She knows what's going on and backs me up 100% but she doesn't think she can go because of work. He hasn't purchased his ticket yet so I still have hope that he'll change his mind. We'll see.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

maybe she can get off of work, vacation or something, or family emergency...how long will he be there?


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## Misee22 (Oct 19, 2011)

I am going to talk with her and see if she can go. He is planning on going for about a week.


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## Misee22 (Oct 19, 2011)

Misery stinks said:


> I'd say that with all of his hiding, that he isn't done with her but instead he is just hiding it more. Get yourself tested for STD's, especially with you being pregnant and wear condoms at least for the remainder of your pregnancy just in case it did get physical and perhaps he could have caught something. Would he go to counseling with you?
> 
> I'm so sorry you're in this situation...


You were right... I was still very suspicious and so I caved on Saturday night (more like 3:30 am on Sunday) and broke into his phone. I once again saw a whole slew of emails and chat logs and nothing has really changed with them other than now they use Skype to talk so I can’t track the calls and they still chat all day long. He continues to tell her he loves her and tells me it’s because if he doesn’t talk to her that way she will stop talking to him and he is afraid of what she would do to herself if he stopped all communication. He says that he feels incredibly guilty for not visiting his dying father and subsequently missing the funeral. And that he would never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him. 

All mind games… I don’t know what to believe.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

Misee22 said:


> All mind games… I don’t know what to believe.


With respect...he either thinks you are incredibly stupid OR that you are so desperate for his "love," that you will put up with whatever excuse/s he gives you.

As long as there is contact, the affair is continuing. Every time he has contact with her, he is choosing her.

I'm very sorry you are going through this and I pray the best for youy.

Best,

Lyn


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## Autumn3232 (Oct 25, 2012)

You may want to check out my post - nip it in the butt and stay strong, you don't want to end up in my shoes.


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## forevermemorable (Oct 19, 2012)

Autumn3232, this thread is 1 year old! The chances are, this member will never be back to this forum. Try sending Misee22 a private message which may or may not show up in their actual e-mail account as having received a private message.


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