# What to say to son?



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

My ex fell apart really badly when I told him I wanted a divorce. It was pretty awful for about 3-4 months, and our kids witnessed a lot of it. 

My ex has now started seeing someone else and my 12 year old son told me he thinks it is "too soon." I had nothing to do with his reading of things; I didn't even know and he came to me about it. 

Anyway, it turns out my son is really scared of what might happen if his dad's new relationship ends. The poor boy does not want to see his dad fall apart again. I have told my son that I want his dad to be happy, and he should talk to his dad about his concerns. I'll keep giving him that message. I talk with him, too, about being in relationships, maintaining self-esteem, and other more general things that are not directly about his dad's new relationship. 

My questions are: is it ok for me to tell his dad, my ex, of my son's concern? We are working very hard to co-parent and I would want to know if my son was worried about me for some reason and hadn't mentioned it himself. I'm just confused about what my role is here. Second, is there anything else I can/should discuss with my son about this? I do not want to say anything that might be construed as implying criticism of his dad. I want him to begin to realize we cannot "make" others happy, that we can only choose happiness for ourselves. I want him to learn to love someone without taking on responsibility for their feelings. Any suggestions will be appreciated. TIA.


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

As a parent wouldn't you want to know your child was troubled? I would so it is eary for me to say -- let your ex know.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Tell him. Just say your not trying to butt into his business...but your son brought X concern to you and tell him what you said. Suggest maybe a father son supper and have the father bring up his dating status and ask how his son feels about it. Just make sure he knows its coming from your son and not you. That way he doesn't misconstrue it into you being jealous of him seeing other people. I know that's a line I have to tread very carefully myself


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I think it's easy to jump on the 'tell him' bandwagon. But ... you know your ex best, and have a sense of what he will or won't do with that information.

If he is even only somewhat grounded, hopefully he will factor his child's concerns into his behavior.


----------

