# What to do with unfulfillable expectations?



## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

I'm really upset because my husband is "exasperated" by our sex life, and has said all sorts of really mean things to me. I've been really trying to make him happy and even went and saw a sex therapist to see if there was any way I could be better. 

I try so hard to please him, and am willing to try new things. I thought things were going okay, but I told him there were some things I would never be interested in, like a threesome, for example. He then started saying that he wishes I had more experience, and had slept with more people. He even said that maybe I should sleep with someone else (while we were married) so that I could get more experience. 

He says all that time that I'm not "normal" and that other women, for example, become wet while just looking at a hot guy on the subway, and he wants me to be like that. 

I don't know what to do. I really am trying my best, and there's nothing else I can do that I can think of. It's not like we don't
have sex. We probably do it 2-3 times a week, and I'm honestly willing to try things, but I do have my limits. What would you do? Thank you so much for your help.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Seek a divorce. Do you really want to be with someone who disrespects you?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

strawberryblonde83 said:


> He says all that time that I'm not "normal" and that other women, for example, become wet while just looking at a hot guy on the subway, and he wants me to be like that.


:lol:

:rofl:

Oh honey....your poor husband is simply delusional.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

If you saw a sex therapist, why hasn't your husband been disabused of his absurd thinking? Why didn't you take your husband with you to see the sex therapist? They usually work with couples when a patient is part of a couple because it is a COUPLE problem.


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## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

He did come to the therapy sessions, but just said that the therapist wasn't experienced, and that she'd probably only had sex a limited amount of times in her life.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

And what are your husbands degrees and qualifications that he can assess her expertise?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well, I'm a huge wh*re if you want to go by my sex drive and number of times I've had sex...and I've literally *never* gotten wet by checking out some dude on a subway.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

IDK FW, I was in Safeway one time and some man walked by wearing some cologne and OMG.....had to go change my panties before I made dinner. Never did know which man it was, but that scent....mmmmmmm


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## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

Lol! Well, he does consider himself an expert at sex because he's had a lot of experience. Which, I guess, is part of the problem. He's had so much experience, and I haven't had much. 

I tried to explain to him that men and women are just wired a little differently, and that most women don't get turned on just by looking at a stranger. I confirmed that with a girlfriend of mine. 

I just feel so hurt that he is not satisfied, when I'm really trying.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> IDK FW, I was in Safeway one time and some man walked by wearing some cologne and OMG.....had to go change my panties before I made dinner. Never did know which man it was, but that scent....mmmmmmm


Ha!

Well, granted you are a big wh*re, too.

But we don't just get wet every time some hot dude walks by.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

He sounds like all his experience involved drunken sorority girls at a frat party. In other words, he's an ass!


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## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

Okay, thanks faithful wife!! I will definitely mention to my husband that this is not common for women!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You can send him here to ask some wh*res like me and Anon.


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## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

Actually, all of his experience is from online dating. Not sure if that plays into things at all.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> You can send him here to ask some wh*res like me and Anon.


LOL, yes please do. FaithfulWIfe and I will set his ass straight!


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## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

I am seriously thinking that's a great idea, to send him here and he can hear the truth! I don't know how he got these ideas in the first place. Maybe some women are like that and he just happened to date a lot of them? Or, maybe people have lied to him? If he does in fact have unrealistic expectations, I'm not sure what to do about that...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

strawberryblonde83 said:


> I am seriously thinking that's a great idea, to send him here and he can hear the truth! I don't know how he got these ideas in the first place. Maybe some women are like that and he just happened to date a lot of them? Or, maybe people have lied to him? If he does in fact have unrealistic expectations, I'm not sure what to do about that...



If he has unrealistic expectations, he needs to learn more about women. You can teach him by not letting him bully you into thinking there is something wrong with you. 

Or

Send him to us.... Bwahahahahaha....


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

You sound like a normal woman and he sounds like an ass.

I guess since he's so experienced he's put a lot of time and energy into knowing your body and making sure all of your sexual fantasies have been fulfilled?

Encouraging you to sleep with someone else for experience, indeed.

It sounds like he is at risk to cheat on you - not because there is anything wrong with you but because he is an ass and thinks he's some Adonis.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Sorry to say, but he sounds like kind of a jerk. Go sleep with someone else for experience? I'd invite him to kindly go f*ck himself.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

What happens if you take him up on his suggestion - sleep with someone else and find out they are tons better than your husband?


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

strawberryblonde83 said:


> He did come to the therapy sessions, but just said that the therapist wasn't experienced, and that she'd probably only had sex a limited amount of times in her life.


That's hilarious. 

By the way, an inexperienced yet willing wife is pretty much every husband's dream, whether he's experienced or not.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

He sounds like a man who has watched way too much porn...thus thinks his woman should be dripping wet and screaming and probably cumming just at the sight of his throbbing manhood!

Yawn.

I'm another HD woman.... I don't get wet at the sight of a good looking man either :scratchhead: 

I suspect your husband is exaggerating his 'expertise' in sex and women! He could have slept with 100 women and still be a stink lover. 

But what he said about the sex therapist really IS hilarious. Funny man..... did you keep your face straight when he said that??

Please do send him here.... I'm sure we can set him straight!

:smthumbup:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MSP said:


> That's hilarious.
> 
> By the way, an inexperienced yet willing wife is pretty much every husband's dream, whether he's experienced or not.


LOL, um no that's not my husband's dream.

(This is nothing against you strawberry...the willing part is totally true, and your hubby is lucky...there's nothing wrong with the inexperienced part, either.)

But my husband would never have married someone he wasn't sexually compatible with and neither would I...meaning, we're both big wh*res, and that's how we like it.

Strawberry...how could it be that your husband even wanted to marry you if he knew you weren't like the OLD sleep-with-everyone women he dated before? How long was your courtship? How much sex did you guys have before marriage and did you talk about stuff?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OP I have to agree with the others, your husband is a tool.

Does he not know that by being disrespectful to you that the chance of you desiring him is being eroded? 

He is not a prize catch. As for suggesting you sleep with another man, that is downright revolting. Even as a very HD woman I want to feel safe and secure with my partner, protected and wanted, if he suggested I hook up with another man I would kick his arse to the curb.
Luckily the chance of him suggesting that is zero.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I don't know but I kind of like to see the SIM women on the war path 

The guy should fear for his balls if he comes here.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

usmarriedguy said:


> I don't know but I kind of like to see the SIM women on the war path
> 
> The guy should fear for his balls if he comes here.


Doesn't much sound like this guy has any.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

All his experience is from ONLINE DATING...are you kidding me?! 

Of course, that explains why he has bats in his belfry :lol:

Online, people can say anything they want, be anyone they want, make up any crap they want... Messaging back and forth: "Oh baby, I'm looking at a guy on the subway right now, but I'm thinking of YOU and my panties are getting wet!"

OMG... I am rolling on the floor laughing at the absurdity of his comment.

My panties have never gotten wet looking at a total stranger.

Seriously Strawberry, you sound like a very sweet, nice person. I would divorce his pompous a$$ now because he surely has no respect for you.

P.S. The sex therapist must have thought he was looney.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Holland said:


> Doesn't much sound like this guy has any.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Especially considering he's picking on a sweet lady like Strawberry.


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## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

Well thank you all very much for your help. I did talk to him tonight and mentioned that numerous women confirmed the getting-wet-by-looking-at-a-man-on-the-subway thing was not realistic. He genuinely was confused as to why women had told him that in the past. I told him that women might say things that aren't exactly true if they want to portray a certain image. Probably that's especially true with online dating. 

I don't think he's as much of a jerk as he's coming across as. He really does want to please me. He did apologize a hundred times. He loves me so much, like, it's crazy how much he loves me, and I know that. I think that he has some learning to do about how women actually are. Maybe this site can help him. 

Faithful wife, we had dated for 5 years before marrying. We both enjoy sleeping with each other, so I'm not exactly sure how this came up in the first place. I think he thinks it could be better, and he has all these ideas about what I should like, and what I should feel...Ya, he definitely needs to come on here and talk to some real and honest women!

Thank you so much all once again, I really do appreciate it!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Send him on over.

:bringiton:

We promise to let him leave with his balls intact!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

strawberryblonde83 said:


> He did come to the therapy sessions, but just said that the therapist wasn't experienced, and that she'd probably only had sex a limited amount of times in her life.


Ok, don't be offended, and I don't usually say this, but...

You're husband is a f*cking idiot.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Honey, he may already be cheating if he suggested you sleep with other people . My advice is to not have kids with him and run run run far far far away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cattermole (Feb 1, 2014)

strawberryblonde83 said:


> I'm really upset because my husband is "exasperated" by our sex life, and has said all sorts of really mean things to me. I've been really trying to make him happy and even went and saw a sex therapist to see if there was any way I could be better.
> 
> I try so hard to please him, and am willing to try new things. I thought things were going okay, but I told him there were some things I would never be interested in, like a threesome, for example. He then started saying that he wishes I had more experience, and had slept with more people. He even said that maybe I should sleep with someone else (while we were married) so that I could get more experience.
> 
> ...


He needs a reality check. I WISH my wife and I had sex 2-3 times a week. 

It sounds like he has picked up a porn habit and now wants to try new things with his heightened sex drive. Rest assured, based your telling, you have a normal sex life. Studies on this in America and abroad show that the average couple has sex 2-3 times each week. 

He needs to cool it and start valuing you more. Relationships are not exclusively about sex. I bet if he looked at his contribution to your union, he would see several areas where he can improve. He should focus on those. 

Keep us posted!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> IDK FW, I was in Safeway one time and some man walked by wearing some cologne and OMG.....had to go change my panties before I made dinner. Never did know which man it was, but that scent....mmmmmmm


Anon....was that you in that jet blue skirt and yellow top....I think you were looking at water melons. You should have stopped me to say Hi!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

On a serious note now - Strawberry, I admire you. It seems you spend your life trying to rise up to the bar yet your husband keeps on putting it ever higher.

It seems you and your husband have good sex 2-3 a month. Many of we guys on here ate lucky to get sex 2-3 x a year.

I think you need to find yourself a new man. Yours sounds like a complete wanker and doesnt deserve a wife like you.

However I appreciate actually leaving can be very traumatic and there is some valididity in teh saying;
Better the devil you know.

Good luck!


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## spanz (Feb 6, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> IDK FW, I was in Safeway one time and some man walked by wearing some cologne and OMG.....had to go change my panties before I made dinner. Never did know which man it was, but that scent....mmmmmmm


oh gawd, post what cologne that was!! lol


2 to 3 times a week is, from a man's point of view "not enough", but from a women's point of view "having sex all the time". sadly, as another poster said, 2-3 times a week is not bad statistically.

MAYBE he is upset that you are not getting horny from his advances, and worrying that you no longer love him. But he can not explain that with words. Guys like to feel that they can still get their wives hot. And some guys equate you getting hot to you acting all ****ty....like in a porn movie. 

You might just try to be a lot more expressive with him. Like when you are in bed having sex, do you lay back and just orgasm and say "im done", like it was not that good. Or do you do a Meg Ryan orgasm impression and start the "oh yeah, oh yeah, there....oh....im....cumming...oh gawd....oh....." See the point, he is getting mentally stroked that he is a sex god. Maybe that is all he seeks, some recognition that he still really turns you on.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

askari said:


> Anon....was that you in that jet blue skirt and yellow top....I think you were looking at water melons. You should have stopped me to say Hi!


Actually Askari, I was in the meat section! Checking out the tri tips and eye rounds... Next time I'll hunt you down!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Tell you what....lets meet in the wine section....I'll be standing by the New Zealand Sauvignon Blancs....wearing lime green crocs!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

askari said:


> Tell you what....lets meet in the wine section....I'll be standing by the New Zealand Sauvignon Blancs....wearing lime green crocs!


That's hot! :rofl:


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

strawberryblonde83 said:


> We probably do it 2-3 times a week, and I'm honestly willing to try things, but I do have my limits. What would you do?


I missed how old you two are, but it was mentioned some men like/want sex daily. One other thing, how often do you make the advances first? Do you ever bring any new ideas into the bed room, like positions or toys? He may just want sex more often and for you to seduce him, and bring new positions into the bedroom. Next time in the bed room try something new you have not tried or done of late. Men sometimes like women to take control in bed. Do you ever read about new thing to try that interest you that you two have not done before? If not start reading and learning of some new things you want to try and ask him to try it with you.


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## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

Thanks for the advice, Code-Welder. I think that because of my background and also the fact that I feel annoyed that he always seems to want more than I can give, I really have been limited in the amount of things that I suggest. There are things that I would like to try that I haven't brought up because I just feel like, if I say "okay I'd like to try x", then he'll want to do that, yes, but then he'll want something more extreme after! I do think that I am going to just tell him the things that are completely off the table (threesomes, sleeping with other people, for example). I'll then tell him that some of his ideas/expectations are a bit unrealistic, and that he'll need to work on that. Me, I will work on being a bit more forward and creative with what I want, and hopefully that will help. Oh yes, and I am 30, he is 36.

For those who say to just leave him, he does say some really stupid things sometimes, but he has a good heart. He says EVERYTHING that he is thinking, and so I wonder if other people just think what he actually says. I'm not going to leave him, but he will need to change the way he speaks to me, and also his expectations.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

strawberryblonde83 said:


> Thanks for the advice, Code-Welder. I think that because of my background and also the fact that I feel annoyed that he always seems to want more than I can give, I really have been limited in the amount of things that I suggest. There are things that I would like to try that I haven't brought up because I just feel like, if I say "okay I'd like to try x", then he'll want to do that, yes, but then he'll want something more extreme after! I do think that I am going to just tell him the things that are completely off the table (threesomes, sleeping with other people, for example). I'll then tell him that some of his ideas/expectations are a bit unrealistic, and that he'll need to work on that. Me, I will work on being a bit more forward and creative with what I want, and hopefully that will help. Oh yes, and I am 30, he is 36.
> 
> For those who say to just leave him, he does say some really stupid things sometimes, but he has a good heart. He says EVERYTHING that he is thinking, and so I wonder if other people just think what he actually says. I'm not going to leave him, but he will need to change the way he speaks to me, and also his expectations.


Good for you for finding your vagina! It's a great and powerful weapon that should only be used as a tool for loving boundaries!

What we all want is to talk to your husband so we can properly educate him on the care and feeding of his wife's vagina... So will he be joining us?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

He has some kind of cuckhold fantasy me thinks!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

When you really think about it would it matter if other women were as he thought they were? He married you and you're not like that. 

I believe it's fair game to challenge someone's actions. However I don't think it's at all fair to challenge their feelings. 

I a firm believer in the expression you attract more bee's with honey than you do with vinegar. If you want your spouse to be more sexual you're not likely to be very successful by berating them for not being sexy enough. You're probably better off trying to figure out what they like and how to turn them on.


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## strawberryblonde83 (Feb 11, 2014)

That's true, MartimeGuy! Good point. I think we'll be able to work things out, because I will be standing up for myself more, but I will make sure to do it in a respectful way. Hopefully he will learn over time that vinegar doesn't work so well : ) He was very upset that he'd hurt me so much, though, so I think things will be okay.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I believe it's fair game to challenge someone's actions. However I don't think it's at all fair to challenge their feelings.


Boy, not me.

Feelings aren't inherently unassailable just because they're feelings. Feelings based on pathology, bad information, malice, or lots of other reasons ought to be challenged, and regularly.

Otherwise, we would never make progress as a society on things like homophobia, civil rights, and a host of other problems. Same goes for marriage.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Boy, not me.
> 
> Feelings aren't inherently unassailable just because they're feelings. Feelings based on pathology, bad information, malice, or lots of other reasons ought to be challenged, and regularly.
> 
> Otherwise, we would never make progress as a society on things like homophobia, civil rights, and a host of other problems. Same goes for marriage.


I don't think you and I are using the word feelings the same. I would suggest homophobia, civil rights etc are more about opinions than they are feelings. 

Homophobia in particular is an interesting one. I fully admit to being homophobic. Seeing two men making out makes me squeamish. It's not something I want to watch. I 100% support gay rights. What consenting adults choose to do is between them. I feel no authority to impose my lifestyle on them. So while I think it would be fair of you to challenge my position on gay rights I don't think it would be fair to challenge how I feel when I see gay activity. I can't change the latter.


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## Thepoet (Sep 8, 2013)

spanz said:


> oh gawd, post what cologne that was!! lol
> 
> 
> 2 to 3 times a week is, from a man's point of view "not enough", but from a women's point of view "having sex all the time". sadly, as another poster said, 2-3 times a week is not bad statistically.
> ...



This is a good post, it is very possible that he is trying to communicate something else. Although please let us know if he has a porn habit, that could definitely be affecting things negatively. Porn does a lot of things to the brain, many of which I consider bad for a relationship (some may disagree with me). 

Most troubling though are the comments about the 3some and the "sleep with another man"

I think these are red flags, it's possible he is more interested in an open relationship, or cheating, or contemplating cheating.


As a last point, not that this relates to the op (because it seems like her partners issue is more with performance than frequency) But I am fairly tired of the often touted "2-3 times a week is normal" baloney. That's just an excuse. Sex is a vital bond forming essential to a healthy relationship. Many people need it more than that to feel whole in a relationship, and there is nothing abnormal about that. I don't understand all the excuse making around having sex. Doesn't it make people happy to make their partner's happy? Nothing gives me greater joy than making my partner happy, indeed, nothing turns me on more than getting her off. So I really just can't understand this sentiment of trying to find any reason not to make an HD partner happy in that part of the relationship. If my partner wanted a massage every bloody day, twice a day and that made her happy. You can guarantee I would be giving her a massage twice a day, every day.


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