# Don't think I can deal with it any longer.



## jelwipw (Jul 25, 2012)

I'm only 20 I should be happy. My husband puts no effort into anything dealing with our home life or marriage. He would rather fix up his dirtbike, play games, watch tv than talk to me or make me feel good about anything. If anyone has heard of the term "widow of a living man" that's exactly how I feel at the point. I want to be happy and to enjoy life but I'm so scared to leave. What if no one ever wants me or what if no one ever treats me good? What if I mess up my children's lives by leaving? Everything I feel for this man is gone. After him treating me so wrong for long I don't think it's fixable. And where do I go? How can I deal with my kids leaving every weekend? What of he try's to get full custody? I don't have the money to get a good lawyer I have no job. I can go to my mom's but she smokes mj and I don't want my kids to be around that. I feel so hopeless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

How old is he?


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## jelwipw (Jul 25, 2012)

He's 24 .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HereWithoutYou (Jul 26, 2012)

Unfortunately, if he's young, he might not be ready to let go of being selfish...this is coming from someone who's 19 and engaged so I get you on that. My fiance is also 19 but he puts everything he has into our relationship. Guys can just take longer to mature than girls.

Have you told him that you're feeling neglected as a wife?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

jelwipw said:


> He's 24 .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It wont help you but most 24yo's do spend alot of time on their hobbies, video games and on TV.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

How much time are you two spending together, doing anything? You two go on dates?


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## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

Hello -- I would recommend turning off the "what ifs" -- we can scare ourselves silly with imaginings. 
"What if no one ever wants me or what if no one ever treats me good?" -- You're only 20 years old! No offense,but this statement is ridiculous.
"What if I mess up my children's lives by leaving?" -- If you're unhappy, your children will sense it. They are smarter than we think. You may "mess them up" more by staying in the marriage if there's a lot of tension between you and H.
"And where do I go?" -- This is a valid concern. Would your mom agree to not smoke pot when the kids are in the house? Could you have a separate area in her house away from the pot smoke? Does your area have any short-term housing options (not a shelter but a place you and the kids could live until you were able to get a job)? 
"What of he try's to get full custody?" -- Does your area have legal aid or similar free or low-cost legal services? He may not try to get full custody anyway -- that's something you could deal with when and if it happens. 

I ask myself "what if" all the time, and I'm trying to learn that most of the time "what if" doesn't happen after all.

Wishing you the best.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

You are a baby, you have just started your life, my first wife was 17 & I was 23, I did the same things, most men do not mature until they hit 30 yrs old. That is a fact. Try talking to him 1st, my ex wife & I raised our kids 50/50 & they turned out great!!!! You need to be happy yes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

First, you need to consider what you could do to support yourself down the road. How old are the kids now?


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## jelwipw (Jul 25, 2012)

HereWithoutYou said:


> Unfortunately, if he's young, he might not be ready to let go of being selfish...this is coming from someone who's 19 and engaged so I get you on that. My fiance is also 19 but he puts everything he has into our relationship. Guys can just take longer to mature than girls.
> 
> Have you told him that you're feeling neglected as a wife?


Yes so many times. I feel like I've tried everything except marriage counseling but we can't afford that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jelwipw (Jul 25, 2012)

Toffer said:


> First, you need to consider what you could do to support yourself down the road. How old are the kids now?


1 and 3. I'm starting school next month to get my nursing degree. It will take around 3 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jelwipw (Jul 25, 2012)

keko said:


> How much time are you two spending together, doing anything? You two go on dates?


The only time we spend together is sitting on seperate sides of the couch with him ignoring me doing his own thing. When we do get a babysitter he'd rather do his own thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Just focus on the next 3 years, get your degree and dump him


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## Audrey (Jul 27, 2012)

Definitely if you haven't had the discussion with him yet and tell him this is how you're feeling nothing is ever going to change. Another fact about most men (not all) is that they never talk about what's bothering them. Whatever you do, don't start the conversation with "We need to talk" that's pretty much like an automatic make shut down statement (again, for the most part... not all.) If you don't tell him that there is a problem, he assumes that there is no problem. 

How did he treat you when you guys were first getting together? Has he completely changed since then? How long were the two of you married before you noticed this change? 

Things might be bad right now but what's worse? Living with someone who is supporting you and being with your children in your own home, or loosing your independance by moving back in with mom? If it's really that unbearable for you, then you should leave and deal with the rest as it comes. 

If you're about to start school you are putting a lot of stress on yourself by leaving, these problems are going to affect your performance for sure.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He sounds like a typical 24 year old. What the reason for getting married?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Just focus on the next 3 years, get your degree and dump him


Or he might learn to fly right in that time.

Is counselling an option?


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