# Another damn porn thread..



## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_
I can not help it...I abhor porn. Didn't always, but I do now.
2 nights ago, I give my fiance a bj. He loves them...he finishes. Im happy, he is happy. A few hours later after being asleep awhile, he jumps me. I orgasm multiple times, he does not finish. Gets too tired. I offer to go down on him and.finish him off. He says no.
Next day, he wakes up, I again offer to give him a bj. He says no thanks. An hour later I leave the house for work. Per my keylogger, 18 minutes after I leave he starts a porn/jerkoff marathon all evening. When I get home of coarse, he is spent but in a great mood. This morning, I find out why. Why in the world would he turn down flesh and blood to jerk off in his hand to skanky wh*res on a computer??????
I am ready and willing to jump him anytime he wants.
he is constantly choosing porn over me. He says the more I bi*ch 
about it, the less he is turned on by me.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Welcome to the club. I thought mine was having ED issues, thats what he led me to believe as to why we weren't having sex much any longer. I find out that it is all BS...he is spending his time in front of the computer and once he's finished with that there's nothing left for me. Of course it has nothing to do with me (? how the h3ll can he even make that remark?) and because I'm upset about it he says I have a hang up about it. So it's my issue in other words. 
I know just what you're feeling right now. I only wish I knew what to do about it.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Mrs. T said:


> Welcome to the club. I thought mine was having ED issues, thats what he led me to believe as to why we weren't having sex much any longer. I find out that it is all BS...he is spending his time in front of the computer and once he's finished with that there's nothing left for me. Of course it has nothing to do with me (? how the h3ll can he even make that remark?) and because I'm upset about it he says I have a hang up about it. So it's my issue in other words.
> I know just what you're feeling right now. I only wish I knew what to do about it.


I hate hate hate it when I am told his porn has nothing to do with me...no sh*t sherlock..thats the problem...I am insignificant when porn is around. Its insulting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

You both do know what to do. There is obviously an addiction. They either fix it or you go.

I watch porn far too often but given the choice between it and my wife, not a chance.... :scratchhead:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It's an addiction for many men. Had a friend once that complained of lack of sex and was shocked to find out porn was at the root of it. She started digging and it just got worse and worse.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

You sound like a great wife and shouldn't have to put up with this.

He should make a clean break from porn... he's addicted.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Why do you have a key logger?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> Why do you have a key logger?


Because he has cheated and he had a tendency to look for girls on craigslist. He hasnt done anything cheating wise since november. I feel his porn issue is another gateway to him wanting to go outside of the relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Because he has cheated and he had a tendency to look for girls on craigslist. He hasnt done anything cheating wise since november. I feel his porn issue is another gateway to him wanting to go outside of the relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe he shouldn't be your fiance anymore. At some point, you have to consider that option. Do you really want to sign up for a lifetime of this? You don't have to!


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Uhm, he cheated on you AND he is a porn addict. Do you mind me asking why you are still there?

*EDIT* - Oh wait, WTF, they aren't even married????


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

So okay this guy has told you the truth about himself through his actions. Now what are YOU going to do about it?

Obviously giving him all the sex and bj's isn't enough to stop him.

Why are you with him? Why are you putting up with this horrid behavior?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Because he has cheated and he had a tendency to look for girls on craigslist. He hasnt done anything cheating wise since november. I feel his porn issue is another gateway to him wanting to go outside of the relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


/virtualhusbandsmack 

Ugh, I swear husbands of awesome wives like you really have no clue how well they have it.

Have you two been to a MC about this?

Sounds like he's got too much time on his hands. He needs to do something other than masturbating. Perhaps he should join a men's sport league or something (basketball, baseball, flag football, etc.). Go burn off some steam there in a constructive/fun way.

Maybe he should volunteer somewhere, meals on wheels or something.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> Because he has cheated and he had a tendency to look for girls on craigslist. He hasnt done anything cheating wise since november. I feel his porn issue is another gateway to him wanting to go outside of the relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


and he is still youre fiance? :scratchhead:


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

He cheated and is a porn addict? Do you still plan to marry this guy?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I missed the part originally about you two not being married yet. I agree with the last few posts, as painful as it may be I'd seriously consider if you want to marry this man and face these issues throughout your marriage.

He's already thrown up two very serious red flags, and despite your feelings for him you may want to consider the possibility that you may be better off finding a man who isn't a cheater and allows pixels on a computer screen interfere with his love life with the woman he allegedly loves.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

rundown said:


> He cheated and is a porn addict? Do you still plan to marry this guy?


I'm still here because when I said yes to marrying him, for better or worse started for me instantly. I want to believe he can be a better partner. We are both in counseling. He is also bipolar and on the appropriate meds. While BP is not an excuse, it is a factor. We also have a 4 month daughter together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Browncoat said:


> I missed the part originally about you two not being married yet. I agree with the last few posts, as painful as it may be I'd seriously consider if you want to marry this man and face these issues throughout your marriage.
> 
> He's already thrown up two very serious red flags, and despite your feelings for him you may want to consider the possibility that you may be better off finding a man who isn't a cheater and allows pixels on a computer screen interfere with his love life with the woman he allegedly loves.


I have thought about leaving a dozen times...the pain in my heart when contemplating a life without him i almost unimaginable. I know I sound pathetic. I chose to stay, so I am not a victim. We are working through everything very well...with the exception now of the porn. In that caseN I can't really use the term very well can I
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I have thought about leaving a dozen times...the pain in my heart when contemplating a life without him i almost unimaginable. I know I sound pathetic. I chose to stay, so I am not a victim. We are working through everything very well...with the exception now of the porn. In that caseN I can't really use the term very well can I
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Working through it? I think he is just substituting one act for another. If you cure the porn problem, he might move on to strip clubs. If you cure him of strip clubs, he might move on to flirting on Facebook. If you cure him of that, he might move on to chatting on sex forums and sending pictures of his penis. If you cure him of that....

Don't be so sure you have worked through "everything...with the exception of..." It's all the same problem, just different facets to him getting his sex fix outside of your relationship.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> Lisa were you pregnant when he asked you to marry him?
> How old are you both? Do you have a job?
> 
> I have two daughters in their 20's and I'm afraid that this isn't going to
> ...


I am 33. I was 5 months pregnant when we became engaged. He fessed up to having a one night stand 2 1/2 months prior a week later. I don't believe he has cheated since...but not for a lack of trying. I do know for a fact the trying stopped cold the day I had our daughter. I keep track of everything. He had a very hard time accepting that I didn't have an abortion..hence his acting out and cheating. He wanted to hurt me as a payback. Not his finest hour for sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> the pain in my heart when contemplating a life without him i almost unimaginable.


What about the pain you are in NOW?

You have no idea how bad this is going to get do you?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I have thought about leaving a dozen times...the pain in my heart when contemplating a life without him i almost unimaginable. I know I sound pathetic. I chose to stay, so I am not a victim. We are working through everything very well...with the exception now of the porn. In that caseN I can't really use the term very well can I
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand, it's just up until the point you say "I do" you have an easy out.

You don't sound pathetic at all to me, you sound like you are in love and attached. Unfortunately it's debatable if the object of your love is worthy of you (given the infidelity and porn problems). That is a question only you can answer.

Just don't make this decision because of the baby or because you've "invested too much time into the relationship". Make the decision to marry him because you love him, and you know through and through that he unequivocally loves you back. Marry him because you are confident that as far as you can tell, he's going to be the love of your life and he will love you back (in word and in deed).


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> Because he has cheated and he had a tendency to look for girls on craigslist. He hasnt done anything cheating wise since november. I feel his porn issue is another gateway to him wanting to go outside of the relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Other posters are already picking up on this, but you're engaged to a man who already cheated on you.

As is in many cases, the porn is just a symptom of something deeper.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I wish I could congratulate you on your engagement, too. I think before you go through with this, you need to find a good independent counselor to talk to and find out why you are willing to settle for someone like this. 

This could very well be the biggest mistake you may ever make. Proceed very slowly, and be open to other options. There is a better man out there for you, and a much better daddy for your daughter as well. I know you have strong feelings for this man, but you are blinded by them and you are about to step it in. 

Readers: Holla if you agree!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

lisab0105 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> I can not help it...I abhor porn. Didn't always, but I do now.
> 2 nights ago, I give my fiance a bj. He loves them...he finishes. Im happy, he is happy. A few hours later after being asleep awhile, he jumps me. I orgasm multiple times, he does not finish. Gets too tired. I offer to go down on him and.finish him off. He says no.
> Next day, he wakes up, I again offer to give him a bj. He says no thanks. An hour later I leave the house for work. Per my keylogger, 18 minutes after I leave he starts a porn/jerkoff marathon all evening. When I get home of coarse, he is spent but in a great mood. This morning, I find out why. Why in the world would he turn down flesh and blood to jerk off in his hand to skanky wh*res on a computer??????
> ...


I know exactly what you are going through lisab0105.

The thing is he has to want to stop, you can't make him do anything or change. He has to want to.

When you marry him, it isn't going to go away, it will more then likely get worse. You will then be stuck. 

A lot of people put the blame on someone else, so they are not the "guilty" one. They do nothing wrong.

I was married to a man for almost 15 years. I left him about a month or so ago. He was doing the exact same thing. Porn was way more important to him then his family. I expressed my concern for us and he would put everything on me.. IT was all my fault.. Making excuses. Lying. And you know something IT ISN'T YOU. I know that you probably think it is you, it is him.. 

You need to sit down and have a talk with yourself. You need to ask yourself if this is something that you can endure for the rest of your life. If you can't then get out now before you marry him.. This is exactly what your married life will be like, if you chose to stay and marry him.

I agree! He has to want to stop, you can't make him... Even though he does know how much his actions have hurt you, he has to want to stop!


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> He had a very hard time accepting that I didn't have an abortion..hence his acting out and cheating. He wanted to hurt me as a payback. Not his finest hour for sure.


And here we go.

On one hand he has to be responsible for the consequences of having sex, that is having a baby.

On the other hand, completely dimissing his apprehensions of becoming a Father, which is very much a life altering event, because it is your choice, well that would certainly foster resentment in anyone.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I had porn/cheating issues with my ex, and I have lived what you are talking about. Though my ex never tried to pressure me to get an abortion-our kids were planned. But girl, in your shoes, I would tie those suckers up tight, grab my baby and go find a better life.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I wish i could congratulate you on your engagement, too. I think before you go through with this, you need to find a good independent counselor to talk to and find out why you are willing to settle for someone like this.
> 
> This could very well be the biggest mistake you may ever make. Proceed very slowly, and be open to other options. There is a better man out there for you, and a much better daddy for your daughter as well. I know you have strong feelings for this man, but you are blinded by them and you are about to step it in.
> 
> Readers: Holla if you agree!


holla!


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

ladybird said:


> I know exactly what you are going through lisab0105.
> 
> The thing is he has to want to stop, you can't make him do anything or change. He has to want to.
> 
> ...


No, it could get worse. He could become physically abusive to you and your child. 
Point is, if he is resentful because he "had" to marry you and he "had" to become a dad, this behavior could be his passive-aggressive way of unconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship so you will leave and he can be free again. That is very common with "exit" affairs--wandering partner is unconsciously hoping to get caught so that they can escape the relationship without having to do the dirty work of saying good bye, and leaving the family. If you hang on anyway and it doesn't work, that just makes them madder. 

Were your parents happily married? How about his? Do you have a good example in your head of a couple with a solid, successful marriage? So many people today don't, and if all you ever saw as a child was dysfunction, then you will repeat that unless you learn something new. 

Listen, you wouldn't spend $30k for a car with chipped paint and the bumper hanging off. Those are signs it might not last. This guy has no tires.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> No, it could get worse. He could become physically abusive to you and your child.
> Point is, if he is resentful because he "had" to marry you and he "had" to become a dad, this behavior could be his passive-aggressive way of unconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship so you will leave and he can be free again. That is very common with "exit" affairs--wandering partner is unconsciously hoping to get caught so that they can escape the relationship without having to do the dirty work of saying good bye, and leaving the family. If you hang on anyway and it doesn't work, that just makes them madder.
> 
> Were your parents happily married? How about his? Do you have a good example in your head of a couple with a solid, successful marriage? So many people today don't, and if all you ever saw as a child was dysfunction, then you will repeat that unless you learn something new.
> ...


He is not being forced to marry me...he asked me in may and we made it an official engagement in sept. I considered having an abortion..went twice to the clinic and couldn't go through with it. We are in our 30's..he tells me he wants to marry me and spend his life with me...he just has very little regard for my wants, needs and feelings when it comes to his sexual urges.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Wish you luck.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

You may want to consider going to counseling about the porn and the infidelity to make sure you start your marriage on the right foot (with no resentments and excess baggage).

If he resists I'd insist. I know you love him, but there's a lot going on and marriage and a new baby pretty much back to back is going to be very tough. Might as well work out as many issues as you can ahead of time.

Oh and my advice for all new parents: make sure you are super well rested for those first few weeks... they are really hard on parents until the baby sleeps through the night.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Browncoat said:


> You may want to consider going to counseling about the porn and the infidelity to make sure you start your marriage on the right foot (with no resentments and excess baggage).
> 
> If he resists I'd insist. I know you love him, but there's a lot going on and marriage and a new baby pretty much back to back is going to be very tough. Might as well work out as many issues as you can ahead of time.
> 
> Oh and my advice for all new parents: make sure you are super well rested for those first few weeks... they are really hard on parents until the baby sleeps through the night.


We have our counseling together on tuesday. I know it sounds weird or maybe naive..but they say the first year of marriage is the hardest...maybe we are getting our crap out of the way now. 
I know he has had a lot of people abondon him when times got rough..he plays these passive aggressive games. As long there is no physical or emotional contact with another person again...I think I can work through the porn problem with him. Maybe if I ask to be involved...let me participate. The part I hate most about his porn watching is the exclusion aspect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> We have our counseling together on tuesday. I know it sounds weird or maybe naive..but they say the first year of marriage is the hardest...maybe we are getting our crap out of the way now.
> I know he has had a lot of people abondon him when times got rough..he plays these passive aggressive games. As long there is no physical or emotional contact with another person again...I think I can work through the porn problem with him. Maybe if I ask to be involved...let me participate. The part I hate most about his porn watching is the exclusion aspect.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah the first year can be rough, because there's a lot of change and stress frankly... though it's exciting as well.

I'll tell you though that having a kid is a huge stress, especially the first one. I have 4 now, and with each additional kid it got lot easier but that first one... just remember to sleep whenever you can.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> ...maybe we are getting our crap out of the way now.


yeah, i doubt that.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> yeah, i doubt that.


... and BAM the power of optimism.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

They may be right...but I know he is the person I am meant to be with...at least if I ever have to walk away he and I both know I loved him fiercly and tried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Browncoat said:


> ... and BAM the power of optimism.


the voice of realism.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> They may be right...but I know he is the person I am meant to be with...at least if I ever have to walk away he and I both know I loved him fiercly and tried.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And will you know the same about him? That he loved you fiercely and tried?

Is that how it feels to you right now - that he is loving you fiercely and is trying? Or does it feel like he's looking for ways to escape?


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I hope you are going to IC and not just couples counseling... it sounds like you are willing to put up with and let him get away with anything he wants. I commend you for giving him a chance being BP... but even though he has "proposed" to you, he doesn't want to be with only you. 

To you the M word means marriage for monogamy.
To him the M word means marriage for manipulation.


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## be-man (Apr 15, 2012)

Usually porn is for frustrated guys who can't get it from their wife or girlfriend. Leave him fast it will only continue and get worst if you marry him.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> We have our counseling together on tuesday. I know it sounds weird or maybe naive..but they say the first year of marriage is the hardest...maybe we are getting our crap out of the way now.
> I know he has had a lot of people abondon him when times got rough..he plays these passive aggressive games. As long there is no physical or emotional contact with another person again...I think I can work through the porn problem with him. Maybe if I ask to be involved...let me participate. The part I hate most about his porn watching is the exclusion aspect.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're sounding like you can fix him. If you start participating in the porn it may never be enough, and is it really something you want to do, or would it be for him? Then there's the games, that's a whole other problem.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> They may be right...but I know he is the person I am meant to be with...at least if I ever have to walk away he and I both know I loved him fiercly and tried.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



If this is the person you're meant to be with, should it be so hard?

I'm not sure I really believe in the whole soul mate fantasy, it takes hard work to make it work, but seriously, he sounds pretty selfish to me.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Folks, this gal is living with the guy and has a kid with him. At this point, the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. What does it matter whether she calls him husband, fiance, or baby daddy? He's in her life forever regardless. She may as well make the most of it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> Maybe if I ask to be involved...let me participate.



then what?
3somes with women he finds on CL that you can participate in, to make him happy?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> then what?
> 3somes with women he finds on CL that you can participate in, to make him happy?


Haha..hell no. that is a door I will never trust him with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

The first year of marriage was one of our easiest. First 6 years with no kids were pretty good. First 4 with our first child were great. We didn't really fight about anything until it came to how to raise kids. Then it was all over.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

PHTlump said:


> Folks, this gal is living with the guy and has a kid with him. At this point, the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. What does it matter whether she calls him husband, fiance, or baby daddy? He's in her life forever regardless. She may as well make the most of it.


sorry. When I see sh!t, I tell people not to step in it. It's my nature. 

I really do wish you luck. And I hope I'm all wrong. Sometimes it's great to be wrong.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> He is not being forced to marry me...he asked me in may and we made it an official engagement in sept. I considered having an abortion..went twice to the clinic and couldn't go through with it. We are in our 30's..he tells me he wants to marry me and spend his life with me...*he just has very little regard for my wants, needs and feelings *when it comes to his sexual urges.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry.. but little regard to your wants and needs sexually? He is soley responsible for this as your SO.

By you saying this you are admitting he has zero respect for you.....therefore he will continue to do this.

I have NEVER seen anyone in a happy marriage where they do not respect each other regardles of each of their "shortcomings"


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

lisab0105 said:


> He is not being forced to marry me...he asked me in may and we made it an official engagement in sept. I considered having an abortion..went twice to the clinic and couldn't go through with it. We are in our 30's..he tells me he wants to marry me and spend his life with me...he just has very little regard for my wants, needs and feelings when it comes to his sexual urges.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


On the abortion, he can not make you, it is your body and anything growing in your body is yours... If you are not 100% sure about getting an abortion, DON'T do it. You will resent him for it!! Don't do it for him, do it for you. It is 100% your decision.

Like i said before things are not going to change if you marry him, it is your life and your choice though!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

PHTlump said:


> Folks, this gal is living with the guy and has a kid with him. At this point, the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. What does it matter whether she calls him husband, fiance, or baby daddy? He's in her life forever regardless. She may as well make the most of it.


The thing is that piece of paper will cost money to burn it, if she decides later that she wants out.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

working_together said:


> *You're sounding like you can fix him. If you start participating in the porn it may never be enough, and is it really something you want to do, or would it be for him? Then there's the games, that's a whole other problem*.


I agree.. she can not fix him.. He has to fix him self. I am sorry to say, you will just wind up heart broken in the end.. I really hope i am wrong..


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Porn is not bad. Porn addiction is. Guys are very visual. It's our nature. We get turned on by watching new and exciting things (and women). That's all well and good in moderation, and when it's understood by our significant other.

Cheating, on the other hand, is a "no go". I'd try to find out the reason why, if you want to salvage this relationship, but it may be for reasons that has nothing to do with your ability to satisfy him, but rather his desire to "spread his seed". Some guys are smart and know how to overcome this built in programming of ours to do so. For me, I simply will not EVER risk not only losing the one I love because of it, but I could never hurt her that way. Guys who don't get that simply do not care enough, IMO. Believe me, I know a lot of guys! And why the cheaters cheat, and how they justify it.

He needs to stop the porn, for now. He may need some help. Listen, it's really not that bad. We're going to view it with or without you, and the guy that says he doesn't get turned on by attractive women, porn, etc., is full of it. I've known several guys who said they "never look at that filth, I'm faithful to my wife". They were all full of it. But there are degrees of it. Your fiance has definately gone too far with it.

I view it. My wife knows I do. I rarely "act" on it on my own. Sure, sometimes I do, but it has not detracted from the sex life I have with my wife. It's not and never will be a replacement for her. It's a little spice, and a non-damaging way to "go outside of the marriage" if you know what I mean? She understands that, just the same as I understand her (and many women) do the same, but with women they do it in their heads. My god, if men were able to put "keyloggers" on women's brains, we couldn't handle it!!! But generally I have no difficulty with that or fantasies, and neither does she. Men are just simply more visual, hence the like of porn. But, again, in moderation. And sharing this can keep him in the bedroom with you instead of with himself at the computer. But, he's got to lose this addiction with it first.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

Are you sure you want to marry this guy?


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

lisab0105 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> I can not help it...I abhor porn. Didn't always, but I do now.
> 2 nights ago, I give my fiance a bj. He loves them...he finishes. Im happy, he is happy. A few hours later after being asleep awhile, he jumps me. I orgasm multiple times, he does not finish. Gets too tired. I offer to go down on him and.finish him off. He says no.
> Next day, he wakes up, I again offer to give him a bj. He says no thanks. An hour later I leave the house for work. Per my keylogger, 18 minutes after I leave he starts a porn/jerkoff marathon all evening. When I get home of coarse, he is spent but in a great mood. This morning, I find out why. Why in the world would he turn down flesh and blood to jerk off in his hand to skanky wh*res on a computer??????
> ...


he is an addict. Not making excuses for jerk behavior. 
It is less about you and more about his problem.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

PEOPLE LIKE PORN just get over it,your fiance should drop you if you are getting this mad over his looking at pictures and you are checking on the sites he is searching already.
It sounds like a whole lot of insecurity to me,go sit down and join him looking at it then or have him look for different positions to try or just except that he likes porn even after sex. If you are going to get this mad about it then find another man and let him find a woman that will except what he likes.


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## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

I had a problem having sex with my wife because she was unfaithful multiple times and it really got to me when it was time to be intimate with her. I thought about the other men who she let have sex with her while we were married and it was hard to have sex with her. I turned to Porn and just got used to it! I did realize what my problem was, but it was to late as she is cheating again and we are actually headed for divorce as she has moved out and insisting on a divorce quickly! This affair is obviously not a one night stand, but rather a long term affair that she wants to make "legitimate". Oh well, someday she will regret it!


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

So rather than start another rant thread about bullsh*t porn..I figured I would just keep going with this one. 

On Sunday morning I come onto him. He says no, maybe later. Later in the afternoon, he is in the mood for a BJ. I oblige happily. (The BJ's while he watches porn has stopped for good)

Sunday night comes, I come onto him...he skirts away and says no. Not in the mood. I roll over and go to sleep. Monday I go to work, he stays home with the kids. Monday night, we have sex. About 15 minutes later, I go to make a move again because I want more :smthumbup: Yeah, no. He tells me that he's not in the mood anymore. Tells me he would rather I massage him, rub his head..he wishes he didn't have to ask for me to do those things. He starts making me feel bad for wanting more sex. That that's all I ever want from him. 

Whatever, I massage him and go to sleep. Check his phone history in the morning, like I always do. No wonder the jerk wasn't in the mood at all anymore, he jerked off twice during the day to porn. 

F'cking hypocrite is going to make me feel bad for wanting it more than once, when his ass has gotten off 3 times that day. Two of them had nothing to do with me. 

So, do I have a right to be really irritated by this? Or should I just be happy he was kind enough to bestow his penis once last night? 

Oh and have I mentioned I :cussing: hate porn???????


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

D'oh! Busted.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Lisa B, you are a beautiful woman and a fantastic fiancee. And you have every right to be as pissed as hell at your boyfriend. If he does not recognize he has a serious issue, and agree to work on fixing it,it may be time to show him the door.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

*Re: Re: Another damn porn thread..*



Thunder7 said:


> Lisa B, you are a beautiful woman and a fantastic fiancee. And you have every right to be as pissed as hell at your boyfriend. If he does not recognize he has a serious issue, and agree to work on fixing it,it may be time to show him the door.


I have to agree with thunder, you are beautiful, and willing to please him. He should be willing to please you in anyway you wish. Sexually or not. 
I have not receive a bj for a long time and still try to accommodate my wife's needs in and out of the bedroom.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> So rather than start another rant thread about bullsh*t porn..I figured I would just keep going with this one.
> 
> On Sunday morning I come onto him. He says no, maybe later. Later in the afternoon, he is in the mood for a BJ. I oblige happily. (The BJ's while he watches porn has stopped for good)
> 
> ...


Ok,
Let me see
You offer him regualr sex.
You offer him BJ's.
You offer him massages etc , 
Yet he still chooses this porn over you, sometimes.

The sex frequency between both of you seems high.

There may be a number of things you could do, 
You could give him an ultimatum about seeing a counsellor, if you think he has a serious problem.
You can try opening the lines of communication to find out what is really causing his " preference.'
Or,

You could come to a compromise that he could view his porn in his leisure time just as long as it does not affect * normal * sexual activity between both of you.
But firstly you two would need to establish how much sex is normal.

If you hate the porn because it affect the amount of sex you all have then you are justified.
But if you feel that you need to compete with the porn, and all his sexual needs are supposed to be satiated by only you , and not him satisfying himself....
Then you might be part of the problem.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Ok,
> Let me see
> You offer him regualr sex.
> You offer him BJ's.
> ...



Mainly, I hate it because it does effect our sex life. I want it everyday, twice a day would be awesome! On the weekends, I will try in the middle of the afternoon and he tells me he isn't in the mood. But during the week when I am at work...he's porning it up in the middle of the afternoon. I think porn feeds into the idea for him and other men in general that "newer is always better". After watching some tight 19 year old all afternoon, how exciting can coming to bed with a 34year old mother of two really be? And I am no slouch dammit. He consider's me a nympho...but he is greedy as hell.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Mainly, I hate it because it does effect our sex life. I want it everyday, twice a day would be awesome! On the weekends, I will try in the middle of the afternoon and he tells me he isn't in the mood. But during the week when I am at work...he's porning it up in the middle of the afternoon. I think porn feeds into the idea for him and other men in general that "newer is always better". After watching some tight 19 year old all afternoon, how exciting can coming to bed with a 34year old mother of two really be? And I am no slouch dammit. He consider's me a nympho...but he is greedy as hell.


I think for most men it's not so much about watching a tight 19 year old. It's about someone, anyone, new and different. And you're right, watching too much porn conditions you to lust after the "new". Seriously when I was watching too much porn I couldn't even watch satellite TV porn at all. Why? Because I couldn't skip ahead during the parts I wasn't interested in. Internet porn = endless variety and instant gratification. Very powerful and very addictive. Especially if a man has any tendency to be lazy. Because no matter how easy the wife is, she's not as easy as porn. Truth.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Mainly, I hate it because it does effect our sex life. I want it everyday, twice a day would be awesome! On the weekends, I will try in the middle of the afternoon and he tells me he isn't in the mood. But during the week when I am at work...he's porning it up in the middle of the afternoon. I think porn feeds into the idea for him and other men in general that "newer is always better". After watching some tight 19 year old all afternoon, how exciting can coming to bed with a 34year old mother of two really be? And I am no slouch dammit. He consider's me a nympho...but he is greedy as hell.


So then,
If you hate it because its getting in the way, do you think he would be willing to seek professional help? 
If he's unwilling to get help, then what are you prepared to do?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> So then,
> If you hate it because its getting in the way, do you think he would be willing to seek professional help?
> If he's unwilling to get help, then what are you prepared to do?


He has spoken to his therapist about it...but obviously nothing came out of it..because he is still using it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> He has spoken to his therapist about it...but obviously nothing came out of it..because he is still using it.


So then,
What are you going to do?
How much more of this are you willing to put up with?
Can there be any compromise ?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think for most men it's not so much about watching a tight 19 year old. It's about someone, anyone, new and different. And you're right, watching too much porn conditions you to lust after the "new". Seriously when I was watching too much porn I couldn't even watch satellite TV porn at all. Why? Because I couldn't skip ahead during the parts I wasn't interested in. Internet porn = endless variety and instant gratification. Very powerful and very addictive. Especially if a man has any tendency to be lazy. Because no matter how easy the wife is, she's not as easy as porn. Truth.


Thank you for the insight...I am even more bummed now lol 

I am screwed..and not in the good way. I guess I am destined to share. First him cheating and now with porn. 

I can always walk away and find someone else someday...but honestly, investing in someone else for them only to dissapoint me in the same ways terrifies me more than staying with my fiance. At least I won't be surprised if he f*cks up.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> So then,
> What are you going to do?
> How much more of this are you willing to put up with?
> Can there be any compromise ?


I tried the comprimise, I thought it was a brilliant one too.. 

I asked him to only watch porn once in a while and when he did, let me "service" him. We had sex once while he watched it..and he didn't like that much. It was distracting from the porn :wtf: so then it went to me going down on him while he watched. And then it turned into every single BJ I gave him (and we are talking 4-6 times a week) he would watch porn. He was taking advantage and it pissed me off..so I stopped that. 

I will be honest, I am not sure what I am willing to do. Like I said above...I stayed through the cheating/attempts to cheat. Do I have it in me to walk away because of porn? I wish I did. I am just afraid that any one else I find will dissapoint just as much.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> I tried the comprimise, I thought it was a brilliant one too..
> 
> I asked him to only watch porn once in a while and when he did, let me "service" him. We had sex once while he watched it..and he didn't like that much. It was distracting from the porn :wtf: so then it went to me going down on him while he watched. And then it turned into every single BJ I gave him (and we are talking 4-6 times a week) he would watch porn. He was taking advantage and it pissed me off..so I stopped that.
> 
> I will be honest, I am not sure what I am willing to do. Like I said above...I stayed through the cheating/attempts to cheat. Do I have it in me to walk away because of porn? I wish I did. I am just afraid that any one else I find will dissapoint just as much.


If you're giving him 4-6 blowjobs a week and he still wants porn there is seriously something wrong with him. He needs counseling more badly than you or he can probably fathom.

*EDIT:* I guess he is in therapy. You might need to walk away, give him some consequences to factor in.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Whatever, I massage him and go to sleep. Check his phone history in the morning, like I always do. No wonder the jerk wasn't in the mood at all anymore, he jerked off twice during the day to porn.
> 
> F'cking hypocrite is going to make me feel bad for wanting it more than once, when his ass has gotten off 3 times that day. Two of them had nothing to do with me.


Wait, wait. Did I miss something? Does his phone have a working cum detector? 

Viewing pornography does not necessarily equate to masturbation.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Cletus said:


> Wait, wait. Did I miss something? Does his phone have a working cum detector?
> 
> Viewing pornography does not necessarily equate to masturbation.


he watches it to imagine he is the one screwing the girl and shoots his load.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> he watches it to imagine he is the one screwing the girl and shoots his load.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is this an assumption or a stated fact? Every time he views pornography on his phone he's masturbating? 

I got no dog in the hunt here. Just trying to establish the facts.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Cletus said:


> Is this an assumption or a stated fact? Every time he views pornography on his phone he's masturbating?
> 
> I got no dog in the hunt here. Just trying to establish the facts.


110% fact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I will be honest, I am not sure what I am willing to do. Like I said above...I stayed through the cheating/attempts to cheat. Do I have it in me to walk away because of porn? I wish I did. I am just afraid that any one else I find will dissapoint just as much.


Porn...,
Cheating?
More attempts to CHEAT?

No , no , no!

This guy is walking all over you.
I am guessing that you are trying to use sex to keep him.
It does not work like that.
Time for you to stop enabling his bad habits.
Time to pay him a " reality cheque."


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

He has cheated and prefers porn to you. Get some self respect and leave him. There are plenty of great men out there, why waste your time on such a loser?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> I can not help it...I abhor porn. Didn't always, but I do now.
> 2 nights ago, I give my fiance a bj. He loves them...he finishes. Im happy, he is happy. A few hours later after being asleep awhile, he jumps me. I orgasm multiple times, he does not finish. Gets too tired. I offer to go down on him and.finish him off. He says no.
> Next day, he wakes up, I again offer to give him a bj. He says no thanks. An hour later I leave the house for work. Per my keylogger, 18 minutes after I leave he starts a porn/jerkoff marathon all evening. When I get home of coarse, he is spent but in a great mood. This morning, I find out why. Why in the world would he turn down flesh and blood to jerk off in his hand to skanky wh*res on a computer??????
> ...


My problem is just the opposite. I enjoy looking at internet porn, but the wife says I get all worked up watching porn and then pester her for sex....

This is not the case, as my sex drive is the same, porn or no porn. I could easily have sex every day, and proved it to her by not touching a computer for 2 weeks, and still having the same high sex drive. 

Internet porn is just another form of entertainment for me, and has no more effect on my sex drive than watching old M.A.S.H. re-runs.....

It almost seems that ALL women feel threatened by porn, and find or make up reasons to object to it.....


Speaking for myself, I would much rather make love to my wife than look at ANY type of porn, in fact I would much rather just cuddle in bed with her than watch porn.

I could, and do stroke and fondle her for hours while cuddled under a comforter on our bed.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> My problem is just the opposite. I enjoy looking at internet porn, but the wife says I get all worked up watching porn and then pester her for sex....
> 
> This is not the case, as my sex drive is the same, porn or no porn. I could easily have sex every day, and proved it to her by not touching a computer for 2 weeks, and still having the same high sex drive.
> 
> ...


Care to elaborate on this incorrect assumption. Please stop perpetuating this sort of stuff, it only serves to create an even bigger divide between the genders and an even bigger misunderstanding of women and women's sexuality.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

Just make a point video yourself. I have a short video of my wife rubbing herself. I can't tell u how many times I have pleasured myself to it


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Holland said:


> Care to elaborate on this incorrect assumption. Please stop perpetuating this sort of stuff, it only serves to create an even bigger divide between the genders and an even bigger misunderstanding of women and women's sexuality.


I agree. My wife does not object to adult erotica, and we oftentimes watching it together. We can have sex with or without it, no problems. She even bought us erotica films to watch together. I believe this is because she is confident about my love to her. So, to her, adult erotica is just another kind of film we watch together. 

Eh, I'd also like to add, she likes watching many kinds of films, not just erotica. So maybe that also helped her positive attitude about films.


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## Loyal Lover (Jan 30, 2013)

Miss Beautiful Lisa,

You said something in an earlier post that caught my attention.



> I know it sounds weird or maybe naive..but they say the first year of marriage is the hardest...maybe we are getting our crap out of the way now.


That was on April 17, 2012. It's been nearly a year now since you said that and things are the same. Probably worst because now you have given MORE of yourself to him and seen your attempts fail (not because it was your fault but because they were wasted on someone who was not committed enough to your relationship.) By the way, did you marry him or are you still engaged?

The 1st year thing is true but that usually applies because most people don't live together or have kids prior to marriage. It happens in ONE BIG CHANGE. And that makes it difficult for anyone, even couples who are both very committed and devoted to each other and have never cheated. But for people that already have so much history... it's not getting things out. It's baggage. *It's the consequences of dragging on a relationship that should have died a long time ago.*

I'm sorry, I know you just wanted it to be the one-year-hardship that eventually gets overcome and leads to a stronger marriage. But it's clearly not. It's your relationship.

I'm not really sure what you're seeking in these forums... besides venting and talking about it. I guess you're hoping there's a secret in getting your porn obsessed fiance/husband to better himself. We don't have it. Others have said it, he needs to want to change (and by now, why would he? You've given him EVERYTHING, he is only falling DEEPER), you need to respect yourself, you need to do what's best for you and your children.

You insist on this:



lisab0105 said:


> ...I know he is the person I am meant to be with...


That doesn't exist. There are no soul mates. We CHOOSE who 'the one' is going to be for us. There's about 7 billion people in planet Earth. About 3.3 billion are males. You will never get to know each and every one. But there's SO MANY that want a girl like you. SO MANY who have similar likes and dislikes, values, beliefs, ways of thinking as you. SO MANY that would shower you with the love and affection you deserve. No, not a single one will be PERFECT. But so many of them have the potential to make you happy.

The one you have isn't making you happy. You're not MEANT to be with him. I think you have just a hard time letting go of everything that was promised to you. You already labeled him as 'the one'. You have done nothing but working on enforcing that image. Giving him everything 'the one' deserves. You have to let go, I know it'll be the hardest thing you ever have to do but stop investing more in him because that only makes you more attached. At least not until he doesn't show you he deserves it. He has to EARN you. If you don't make a man earn you he won't give you worth. He'll take you for granted. But from what you say, it sounds like he won't change. Nonetheless, whether he does or doesn't, you have to face it and you have to let go. You can't let the hope for change or the fear for change keep you from your happiness.



> ...At least if I ever have to walk away he and I both know I loved him fiercly and tried.


THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN ACHIEVED! *You've done everything you should AND MORE!*

Don't think of the time you've spent on him. Think of the time you have left. You could live up to be 100. You'll only feel worst. Life will feel so empty and regrettable if you find you wasted it on someone who never gave you nearly as much love as you gave him, someone who was quick to discard or replace you, whether it was out of anger or resentment or lack of love.

Maybe he doesn't know how to love. You letting him walk over you is only making that worst. Why should anyone make sacrifices for other people when they can get away with having their cake and eating it too. I think more than love (if any) he is attached to you, just as you are attached to him. *But he doesn't love you enough. *

You also mentioned he had a hard time accepting you didn't get an abortion. Well with that... you either forgive or you break up. You don't payback. It sounds to me like he *settled* for the life you have now in the sense that clearly it wasn't what he really wanted (not to say he doesn't love his children but he obviously had other plans for himself at the time which is why he wanted you to have an abortion). That and he knows he won't find anything better than you. BECAUSE HE KNOWS DOESN'T DESERVE IT! In fact, if he even tried it would involve WORK on his part. It would involve him having to GIVE instead of just TAKE. That's probably why his attempts at cheating failed. And you're settling for the man you put all your time and effort to even though he's not the man you fell in love with.

*YOU NEED TO MAKE A PLAN TO WALK OUT OF THIS MAN'S LIFE!* Stop wasting your time! You deserve happiness, emotional and sexual fulfillment, and you deserve someone who will put effort in your relationship and give, not just take. And let's not forget your children. The selfish man that is using you doesn't sound like he makes a good father.

You weren't 'meant' to be with any particular man. However, you are meant to be with your children. He doesn't WANT to change, he hasn't and I doubt he will any time soon, but I hope you WANT to have a truly happy life with your children more than you want him. The man you fell in love with. The man he isn't anymore, possibly never was. Stop investing in him, you'll only get more attached.

But no matter what you do Lisa, I wish you and your children nothing but happiness.


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## Speed (Dec 9, 2011)

Stop blaming the porn.

Blame the user.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Speed said:


> Stop blaming the porn.
> 
> Blame the user.


AMEN! This reminds me of my ex wife. Gave me so much **** over porn and threatened divorce first time.
I get back home early on day and guess who is home watching porn on computer with earphones on while jamming BOB furiously btw her legs......yup you guessed it...EX WIFE!
Of course suddenly it became "ok"...lol.
But seriously, there're deeper issues the poster needs to work out with her man. 
Does he have a job so he doesn't spend all way wanking?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Speed said:


> Stop blaming the porn.
> 
> Blame the user.


I blame both thank you. Porn has no place in a marriage/relationship. If you are so insatiable that your wife/girlfriend isn't enough, than you need to just stay single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> I blame both thank you. Porn has no place in a marriage/relationship. If you are so insatiable that your wife/girlfriend isn't enough, than you need to just stay single.


This is a gross over-generalization and it simply is not true.

My wife and I have happily included porn into our sex life with great effect. It was her idea.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Woodchuck said:


> *It almost seems that ALL women feel threatened by porn, and find or make up reasons to object to it.....*


 I didn't really have issues with porn (I didn't like it, but whatever) before... But when a computer replaces YOU, then that is when I have a problem with it.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

lisab0105 said:


> I blame both thank you. Porn has no place in a marriage/relationship. If you are so insatiable that your wife/girlfriend isn't enough, than you need to just stay single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: To a point. If both people in the marriage is OK with it then fine.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I blame both thank you. Porn has no place in a marriage/relationship. If you are so insatiable that your wife/girlfriend isn't enough, than you need to just stay single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Given your history and your husband, I understand your frustration. But don't project to the rest of us.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Lisa,
You have salted the earth by allowing him to treat you like dirt. And yes - near daily bj while he watches porn and then does nothing for you, is just a slow motion train wreck. 

If you honestly feel that all men will treat you this way, by all means stay the course.

I will tell you that pushing any man for twice a day over a long period of time is risky. That said, a healthy man will likely limit or avoid porn if their partner has taken good care of herself and likes a lot of sex.



QUOTE=lisab0105;1402693]I tried the comprimise, I thought it was a brilliant one too.. 

I asked him to only watch porn once in a while and when he did, let me "service" him. We had sex once while he watched it..and he didn't like that much. It was distracting from the porn :wtf: so then it went to me going down on him while he watched. And then it turned into every single BJ I gave him (and we are talking 4-6 times a week) he would watch porn. He was taking advantage and it pissed me off..so I stopped that. 

I will be honest, I am not sure what I am willing to do. Like I said above...I stayed through the cheating/attempts to cheat. Do I have it in me to walk away because of porn? I wish I did. I am just afraid that any one else I find will dissapoint just as much.[/QUOTE]


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I blame both thank you. Porn has no place in a marriage/relationship. If you are so insatiable that your wife/girlfriend isn't enough, than you need to just stay single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hon, you've got a lot to learn about some relationships.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

ladybird said:


> :iagree: To a point. If both people in the marriage is OK with it then fine.


That's too simple too. 

If you're getting sex a third as much as you need it from your spouse, porn is your New BFF.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I'm still here because when I said yes to marrying him, for better or worse started for me instantly. I want to believe he can be a better partner. We are both in counseling. He is also bipolar and on the appropriate meds. While BP is not an excuse, it is a factor. We also have a 4 month daughter together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The man cheated on you, and is addicted to porn, and he's not your husband, but you still plan to marry him? Not even wed, and already you're in key logger territory?

Not to be rude, but you've made your bed. Unlike most women in your situation, you know exactly what you're getting into before hand, and still choosing to walk into a lifetime commitment.

I'm not sure what kind of help you're looking for. You seem to be signing up for exactly what you want. Or, at the very least, believe you deserve.



lisab0105 said:


> I blame both thank you. Porn has no place in a marriage/relationship.


Porn has no place in *your* marriage/relationship. The rest of us are grown ups, and can speak well enough on our own for what does, and does not, have a place in our marriages.



lisab0105 said:


> If you are so insatiable that your wife/girlfriend isn't enough, than you need to just stay single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Frankly, considering how much crap you're volunteering to endure from a man who is not even your husband, are you in the place to be instructing others on whether they should be single, or not?


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## Speed (Dec 9, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> I blame both thank you. Porn has no place in a marriage/relationship. *If you are so insatiable that your wife/girlfriend isn't enough, than you need to just stay single.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First, it is your opinion that porn has no place in a relationship. Not all would agree with that but it is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

Second, the part in bold from your prior post is absolutely correct. But he isn't "so insatiable" because if he was he would be giving you the goods while indulging in porn. He isn't. He is choosing porn over you.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I am not trying to bust your balls, I am just making sure you see it isn't the porn that is making him a selfish a$$hole. He is doing that all himself. 

You deserve better.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I read through your thread and I really relate to your story.

Does he ever initiate with you?

Do you have 2 children with him?

Are you still in counseling for yourself?

I'm an old bag so I've been around the block a couple times.

In my first marriage I wasted 20 good years of my life with a mean alcoholic. It never got any better.

Like you, I thought there was something I could do to fix it. Some magic, some counseling, some technique, some book that would fix it all and make him back into the man I first met and fell in love with.

He never changed.

Are you afraid of being alone at this point or afraid you can't find anyone better?

I really would talk about those things with an individual counselor.

Think of your children. Is really the best for your kids to put up with this nonsense?

Yes you are trying and giving your best because you love him.

If he loves you, then why isn't he trying his best to make you feel loved and important? Why isn't he trying to make you happy?

Relationships of course are 2 sided. It seems like you are giving and giving and he is just taking.

At what point are you going to say enough, this it it. I'm not going to put up with this degrading crap another minute.

Please don't waste years of your precious youthful life on this.

I don't know if you have a daughter or not but what would you tell your daughter or mother or sister if they were involved with someone like your boyfriend?

At this point, you have played all the cards you can play because he knows you aren't going anywhere. He has zero consequences at all. He knows he can still spank it until it falls off and you will still be with him if he feels like it and he can tell you to take a hike when he doesn't feel like it and he knows you aren't going to do anything.

So what is next? What are his consequences if nothing changes?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Cletus said:


> That's too simple too.
> 
> If you're getting sex a third as much as you need it from your spouse, porn is your New BFF.


 IT is really that simple.... Enough said...

I am not getting sex anywhere near what I need... But I am a chick... soooo


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## Elliott (Sep 13, 2011)

I recently found out that my wife doesn't want me watching porn. Which is strange because in the first two years of our marraige she watched hentai (japanese porn) with me. It really got her in the mood (so did those books). But now neither of us is allowed to watch porn :scratchhead:

I know I watch porn because:

1. My wife isn't in the mood and I'm tired of begging
2. I'm still horny and she's done for the day/night
3. I just want to watch another women have great kinky sex because my wife isn't so willing to try anything. So I can release excess horniness
4. At times the "same old" gets borning. So I watch something new and that turns me on. Then I run to the wife to live out what I just saw (If I'm luck. If not I just do the same "old things" and imagine that I'm not).

Lastly, I know of Three married women that love porn. They even have fantasies about having a threesome with a stripper and there husband. But those women have a sex drive the distance from Earth to the moon (I don't know of any other women that want/ask/damned/need sex as much as those three). One of them told me her husbands finds porn for her to watch when he's worn out (lucky punk ).


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

You guys have high, healthy sex drives, give your men BJ's, let him jump you, orgasms, etc. and he still wants porn????

Myself, the more great sex I get from my wifee, the last thing on my mind is porn and that only takes me with her 3+ times per week at minimum.

But I do admit, having those porn sessions occurred when my wife was only in the mood only every 2+ weeks and sometimes once a month and sometimes once every 1.5 months.

What got me somewhat addicted to porn were unrealistically hot women (all ages, shapes and sizes, sexy is sexy) doing sexual things my wife couldn't do, wouldn't want to do or not nearly as well, and all having hot bodies, which isn't realistic either. The sounds they made, their facial expressions, just hot. But, at the end of the day, its just pics and movies of women on a computer. When I got more of the real thing from my wifee, porn went bye bye.......don't even think about it.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> You guys have high, healthy sex drives, give your men BJ's, let him jump you, orgasms, etc. and he still wants porn????....its just pics and movies of women on a computer. When I got more of the real thing from my wifee, porn went bye bye.......don't even think about it.


I agree :iagree:

I am not anti porn. But then, I watch porn every now and then _with_ my wife, and whenever she asked for sex afterwards, I happily obliged. Real loving woman beats porn everytime!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I still on rare occasion view porn when I'm really in the mood and my wife isn't. I'm not proud of this but at least I'm not going out to the bars, pubs, strip clubs, parties, checking out all the hoties at the beach and mall. I don't even do facebook or chatting sites and my emails are family and friends. I even have my wifee cut my hair and no hair salons either. All my choice.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

My occasional porn use has nothing to do with my wife, or how much sex I'm getting. It's a totally separate matter that's about me, not my wife. I've watched porn during weeks where I had sex four or five times, and have not watched it during weeks where she was out of town and there was no sex at all.

There is no correlation.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

I've commented to W that the standards aren't the same.....W can watch porn all day and still perform....not true for guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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