# Disability Sexuality



## Deaf&Lopsided (Jun 4, 2018)

My wife and I have never been super-sexual people, but we are very intimate and really enjoy sex whenever we have it. I always enjoy giving oral, and she really enjoys receiving it, but she rarely wants me to do it because the smell and taste of me after grosses her out, to the point that even a shower and toothbrushing doesn't help (she's clean and tastes fine, btw). That was fine with me, because I could please her other ways and then we'd have intercourse.

However, due to a progressive disability, I'm losing strength, feeling, and endurance in my legs, and my orgasm is severely delayed. Its made me hesitant to begin sex. I could still easily get satisfaction by giving oral, but I know she's not really receptive to that. She'll do it, and enjoy it, but I know she really doesn't want to, so that kills my desire for that as well.

I want to please her and have a sexual relationship with my wife, but I rarely get satisfaction one way anymore, and she doesn't want me to do the other thing that could satisfy me. Thoughts?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Deaf&Lopsided said:


> Thoughts?


A couple of things come to mind.

1) You could use the WOT (woman on top) position. This would help with your loss of endurance.
However, it will probably increase your time-to-orgasm even more.

2) Go ahead and satisfy your wife, then lay alone and either masturbate yourself to completion, or your wife could "finish" you with oral. Or manual.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Deaf&Lopsided, 

I want to reply to your post, but I also want you to know this is a somewhat tender topic for me. My Dear Hubby also had a disability that slowly took away his endurance etc. and he just passed about 9 months ago, so....

Anyway, the first thing I'd recommend is essentially talking to your lady just as you've spoken to us. My thought is that she loves you, and if that's true, she'll want to do what is physically best for you as well as herself. However, she can't know what you're thinking and feeling if you don't speak up, and if you keep silent she may think you're shutting her out or not attracted to her anymore. 

The second thing I'd suggest considering is looking at this "as a team" (instead of you vs. her). The two of you are on one team, and the disability or the lack of strength is on the other team. How are WE going to address this? What are WE going to do? See, this keeps the two of you together and as a unit, and you two are in this against the disability...not each other. 

The final thing I'd say is to consider expanding your definition of intimacy from just "intercourse and oral." What is your definition of being intimate? What is hers? What is your definition as a couple? How do you guys express yourselves intimately, because obviously it is far more than sex! Real intimacy is knowing another and being known...it's opening up and sharing, and listening without judgment. It's sharing all kinds of physical pleasures, from making out to massages, from holding hands to holding each other. It's seeing another person's beauty and what they ARE...not what they are not. Yes, sex is very important, but sometimes bodies just have difficulty and that is surely not the only way to express deep, loving, tender care. 

Sooo...when you were a kid and didn't want to sleep with someone but did want to get physical, what did you do? What other erogenous areas do you have--explore a little for the fun of it! What if you slowed down and just enjoyed what you could do? Stay in the moment and enjoy the heck out of it!

See what I mean? It really just takes a little creativity, a little sensitivity, and a little adjustment. It sounds to me like the two of you do enjoy what you have been able to do to this point, so just be open with her and adjust...together.


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