# Wife Medical Situation



## johnsunny (Dec 21, 2011)

My wife doesn't work and hasn't for a while. I make good money but I'm living week to week right now because of medical issues that have come about over the past 2 years.

3 years ago, my wife, fiance at the time had a drug problem. I wasn't fully aware of it because she was working at the time, but I knew something was up because she was asking for more money and things weren't adding up. Eventually she confessed to it and things settled down. The next year more money was going out then coming in, I caught her in lies, and a close friend at the time was having a drug problem of her own. My wife started getting mean and upset about everything. She didn't do anything around the house and I mean anything. She started telling me she was having medical issues and had to go to the docotors every week. I asked for receipts because she didn't have insurance and she would never bring any to me. I stuck by her though, but kept on her about receipts. Some of the perscriptions she was getting were very expensive, so we went elsewhere to get what she needed which probably wasn't the best idea. I got another job to pay for everything and I still couldn't keep up with the cost of everything, maintaining the house/laundry/cooking/kids, etc... so we got married so she could have insurance. Since then, the money situation hasn't improved and she still hasn't been getting me any receipts. Some of her medical bills come through the insurance and some don't so I question everything she does now because I really have zero trust in her. I still maintain pretty much everything. She still doesn't work. She isn't very supportive of anything I do in terms of freelance work, always b****ing about things. 

I know I've spent about 15K in medical things this year, but it's not adding up to that in terms of receipts. I'm very short. Is it possible for me to get a hold of medical print outs without her consent or something? How can I tell if she's lying about something?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

This is not good John. I've seen a lot of this. Been a medical professional for 30 years and came from a family of Pharmacists. Everything you are saying is pointing to the same conclusion. Most likely some things don't come through ins because she is doctor shopping and doing it through self pay as ins will flag repeat prescriptions for controlled substances and alert the pharmacist not to fill it. 

she is probably going to different Pharmacies and different doctors using some on ins and some on self pay. Electronic medical records are making it harder to do that and she may eventually get caught. If that happens she will be in a world of legal problems. It will difficult for you to get medical print outs without power of attorney as this violates HIPPA laws and is a big no no in the medical profession. 

You're gonna have to poke around stealthy and gather what little pieces of info you can get and then piece the puzzle together. 

Can you elaborate anymore on the nature of this? I may be able to give you some more sneaky options but don't know enough to at this point. This sounds like pain killers are involved but that is a wild guess with little info.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

John, you do indeed have a problem. .

How much is she on the computer? This is the next level to look at.

How much is she on the computer? This is the next level to look at

Do you have any idea what types of drugs your wife is taking? Could be selling some of them to pay for her habit further?

For anything that goes through the insurance you should be getting statements from your insurance provider. If you are not seeing statements she might be getting them and throwing them away. To see if this is happening, change your address with your insurance provider. Use either your work address, the address of a friend or family member who you trust or get a PO Box. That way you can see if she has been tossing the insurance reports that you should be seeing.

One place to look for receipts is in your trash. Go through every trash can in the house. IF she is the one who takes the trash out, get the bags and go through them. You might want to get some rubber gloves from your local pharmacy for this. It can be, well a bit gross.

Search through her car... every little cubby hole, look for pulled up carpet, look in the place where the jack and spare are stored, glove box, under the seats, etc.

Search the house, closets, etc. 

How does she pay for these drugs and doctor visits? Are there charges on your bank statements (ATM cards?) or does she use cash.

Does she go grocery shopping? To Target, etc? Let the receipts and see if she is pulling out cash. Her grocery receipts might be in the trash as well. I know of one woman who was always complaining to her husband how expensive groceries are. When I went through his checking account, the wife was spending $1,500 - $1,800 a month to feed a herself and their 17 year old son. That’s way too much. So I asked him to search the trash for every grocery receipt he could get. And he checked her purse while she was asleep. Every receipt he found was the same… there was $40 to $60 in cash taken out every time she went to the store. … $5.76 in food.. $60 in cash. And she went to a grocery stores, Target, etc at least once a day. Sometimes she would go to 4 stores in one day taking out cash.

How much is she on the computer? This is the next level to look at.

Who is taking care of your kids while you are at work?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

johnsunny said:


> I know I've spent about 15K in medical things this year, but it's not adding up to that in terms of receipts. I'm very short. Is it possible for me to get a hold of medical print outs without her consent or something? How can I tell if she's lying about something?


Well, in short, here's the key phrase from your post. You've spent $15k. I understand that some marriages are strong on independance, but usually this is in the case where both partners pay their own bills. I wouldn't dream of touching my wife's account, because it is her income, but this is money that you are apparently giving her. Can I suggest that you stop the cash flow, or track every dime as it goes through your accounts? At the very least, insist that she make all transactions on a debit card, for tracking. No cash goes in her hands. Online, I review transactions daily, and use secured, insured debit cards.

Since having some major billing errors years ago, I requested and receive regular downloads from my online insurance and prescription programs. They've never tried to seperate out my wife or children's info, and not let me see it. Just can't get information from the health care providers unless your wife is willing to sign the right to release form, which most of our providers ask us to update annually. Sounds like she might be using many cash only transactions, though, so tracking your checking account transactions is key.

I think I probably sound a tad anal about tracking things, but I've been in a couple of situations where doing so, and investigating, saved me about $70k total for some significant health issues for family members.


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## johnsunny (Dec 21, 2011)

I know what she's taking and one of them is what you said, the others are blood pressure and some other medicines that I do see through our insurance are all being filled. The perscriptions she gets don't really bother me because I know when she gets them filled, it's more the doctor's visits, because she'll tell me some only take cash which was a red flag right way. I'm just going to have to call those specific offices and verify if they take check/debit card.

Good idea about the taking cash from shopping, but I do the shopping. I do a majority of everything actually which is another issue in itself. I've tracked every dime using mint.com which helps me build a case on where are money is going or supposedly going. I have exactly the amount and what she went to doctors for written down so that when she gets receipts, I can verify them as well. It would just be a whole lot easier if I could just go and get those receipts myself.

Can I call certain offices and ask if she was even there for a specific medical reason?

This is all just a waste of my life dealing with this... I really do need a partner in this marriage, not another kid becaus that's what it feels like sometimes.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree with Stonewall. I owned a pharmacy for 12 years and have seen a lot of this type of thing. A doctor's office which only takes cash is a huge red flag. I believe your wife has got her doctor, pharmacy, and insurance matched. Then her cash doctors are matched with other pharmacies--those are the ones you don't know about.

Her behavior also suggest she has a prescription drug problem. I've seen many like that. You may want to get control of your finances by having your paycheck deposited into another account (which she doesn't have access to). You could then control her cash flow better.

I have some ideas on tracking down other pharmacies, but it's going to be hard with HIPPA regulations.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*
Can I call certain offices and ask if she was even there for a specific medical reason?*

You can try. It could work. You could call around and sound confident about it all.... like you are having a billing problem with the insurance company and are just trying to get dates and amounts paid/due straightened out. If the first clerk doesn't tell you anything, ask to speak to the office manager... then make it sound like you think they may not have submitted the insurance forms. They may be helpful then.

People often tell you things, even when they shouldn't.


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