# I need some help.. husband with mood swings



## schlitter (Jun 29, 2012)

My husband and I have been together close to two years, married for 2 months now:scratchhead:. It's really hard to decide where to begin but I will start at the beginning.

We talked off and on for 6-7 months before finally meeting(met on a car forum) and we hit it off very quick, first night was the day before his birthday, he asked for a kiss for his present.  We talked all the time for the first month, seriously while I was working I had headphones in talking to him. I was 22 (two weeks before my birthday) he was 21 when we met, now I'm about to be 25 and him 24. 

The next 3 were honeslty the best of my life, only once did I cry because he got mad at something and didn't talk till the next day, which when he did answer he was fine. 

He proposed after the 4 months, we moved in together at a apartment, he transfered jobs (that he complained about ALL THE TIME) to a location 25 miles from our apartment, which I was about 15-20 miles away from mine. He never stopped complaining about how much his back hurt and whatever, He worked there after tranfering which the job he got (he was promised a raise) was easier. He worked for a beer company he went from big orders at walmart to gas stations. For the same pay. 

His best friend was a girl who I got along with. We were having the normal problems, I didn't do things like his mother, I wasn't clean like his mother. Overall I was a crappy house keeper, even though I train horses at night so I really was tired when i got home. Until I found out I was pregnant, the friend went off saying that I was trapping him, and being the normal backwoods hick. The morning I told him he was fine, that night in was in the garage crying and so mad. I ended up miscarrying and he was relieved. He stayed home from working taking care of me for Friday (off the rest of the time) which he really did take care of me. He started changing back into the person I met in the beginning. He quit his job because of his back so that ended up 6 months of no work.

Then I found out 5 months later when he said he went to hang out with friends (a few weeks before I miscarried) he went to a bar to hang out with a girl. I found this out when he left his facebook account open (which he is very "personal" he doesn't like me touching his stuff, including phone and computer) and he never goes through my phone. But on the facebook I found all these messages back and fourth like miss your kisses and I wish you would leave her. Stuff like that, he quit talking to her on his own so when I did find out I really didn't have a argument to stand on, I felt. He didn't have a job, things blew up with his mother so he didn't have anywhere to go. He said he felt trapped and he didn't like it. 

Speed up to 2 months ago, a few days before we got married we went to Shreveport for some fun to just enjoy eachother, and the roommate came along(his best friend). We stayed a total of 5 hours (took 4 to get there) before the new husband got pissed because he couldn't win at the slots, which I took home 1200 dollars, he threw a major fit and we had to leave, I was crying and very upset but he felt bad the next day and we got to the zoo where I've been wanting to go and see. We got married April 27th (no wedding just justice of the pease thing). I was happy. I found out his password to facebook. Found out a few months before getting married he was receiving pictures from a woman and flirting with her, she's 36 and married. I called pissed telling him to not leave his laptop open becuase I found out (i didn't want to tell him I had his password) He did the normal thing deactivated his facebook threw a fit and tried to blame it on me. 3 days later he had his facebook up and back to the normal ok husband. I looked more into his facebook, found out he was (few months before marriage) he was texting a ex, flirting with other girls. He never went and left me, so I knew he wasn't cheating just flirting hardcore and maybe receiving more pictures but I have no clue.

This past week it's gone back to the first weeks of moving in together. My hair that falls outs while showers in disgusting, I don't clean up after myself, my side of the closet is dirty. I leave cups from the night before on the nightstand. The roommate (who's been living with us for 6 months) he gets mad because he eat out of the chip bag and that's dirty...



He lost his job with the roommate a week ago, he called all the people up there dumb and he was so much smarter than them, but he was too lazy to go to school <--- his words. But they let him go because of the budget cut. The manager told our roommate that she doesn't know how his wife (me) deals with him.

So the cleaning fit started, he's always said something about my weight (i weigh 130lbs but I'm short 5'2 and cllect all the weight in the love handles ) So it looks worse then what it is. 

If I do anything different from his mom it's non stop complaining, he's finally ok with her, so if I don't know how to cook something he tells me to call her. oh yeah right.

He doesn't like sharing. Seriously! No drinks food, or really any items. like laptop or when I want to wear a shirt of his to sleep in, sometimes its ok, but others it's like I'm starting WW3 because I grabbed his shirt. 

Random times he goes off about cleaning, he was rasied by a OCD mother, she cleaned cooked and basically did everything for him besides wioe his butt. So he expects me to do the same. I was raised WAY different, but he is a perfectionist to the extreme.

Does anyone else deal with this, does this sound like a good relationship or how to I change the way I do things. Im neat but not OCD and controling, he thinks he is so much better than everyone else but he can't even find a job, or when he does he thinks he's above them all.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

No, this does not sound like a good relationship and it does not sound like it has the potential to improve. It definitely has the potential to get worse.


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

You got married way too quickly. You never got to experience "all four seasons" of your husband so you could find out what he's really like. He sounds like a piece of **** to me who did the worst thing possible: He played to your every weakness while courting and then once the ring was on the finger, he felt like he could "be himself." What a prick.

Lamaga is right as usual. This probably won't get better. This behavior is not normal at all and especially not since you never saw it before.

No one here advocates divorce, but you're too young to be this unhappy.

Oh...and a guy who is relieved about a miscarriage is a guy that probably should have been miscarried! That's disgusting!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Oh honey. This guy sounds like such a loser. No woman deserves to be continually cheated on with emotional affairs. No one deserves to have their man upset them douch that they lose their baby a d then the man is relieved!!! That's horrible. 
No one deserves to be with someone who can't handle losing a game, who won't share, who complains constantly, and puts his female friends ahead of them. 
I don't advocate divorce but it really seems like he's a cheater, he has disrespected you do many times, he is emotionally abusive. 
Men like this just get worse over time. Men like this know they are worthless so they pull out al the stops to romance you. Once they have you they show their true selves. 
I would tell you to get out and get counseling before you do have a child and assets together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## schlitter (Jun 29, 2012)

C123 said:


> You got married way too quickly. You never got to experience "all four seasons" of your husband so you could find out what he's really like. He sounds like a piece of **** to me who did the worst thing possible: He played to your every weakness while courting and then once the ring was on the finger, he felt like he could "be himself." What a prick.


 I did see all 20 seasons lol. Believe it or not but it is 20 times better after we got married. I'm just finding out stuff from months back when we were at our rockiest. I did ask him if talking to other women ''helped'' us.



> Lamaga is right as usual. This probably won't get better. This behavior is not normal at all and especially not since you never saw it before.


I saw it after being around his mother. She is dating 5 different guys at the moment, been divorced 5 times. 



> No one here advocates divorce, but you're too young to be this unhappy.


 I'm unhappy very little but when it comes to a head for both of us, it's a pretty nasty fight



> Oh...and a guy who is relieved about a miscarriage is a guy that probably should have been miscarried! That's disgusting!


I think that was from his "friend". She told him I was trapping him, thats what normal girls from the country do. He listened to her and talked while I was away at work, so when I finally got home that girl made him into that mess. Which a few weeks after the misscarriage and I was ok he laid into her and told her if she wants to be friends she'll apologize first. I was late on my last period which was the first since the misscarriage, he actually got excited, but I started the next day. She laid into me too for getting preggo, like I knew depo shots were suppose to be taken daily.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Schlitter. You're still at the "making excuses for him" point.

Just hang in there. When you're at the next stage, we'll still be here for you.


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## schlitter (Jun 29, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Oh honey. This guy sounds like such a loser. No woman deserves to be continually cheated on with emotional affairs. No one deserves to have their man upset them douch that they lose their baby a d then the man is relieved!!! That's horrible.


 And your right, but growing up with a woman that cheated on and dated every man she could, he had a good teacher.


> No one deserves to be with someone who can't handle losing a game, who won't share, who complains constantly, and puts his female friends ahead of them.


 I think he complains because his mom was on him so much about anything to do with cleaning, it's different for him because me and the roommate are "normal"



> I don't advocate divorce but it really seems like he's a cheater, he has disrespected you do many times, he is emotionally abusive.


 You're right again.  he was a player before me, and since January he hasn't done anything, I guess he realized I was the solid relationship


His stepmother is a counselor and I have told her everything. She said it's from the mom, and him learning everything she did. Since it was his first time away from home, an hour away from home, he freaked and started trying to find other things, which for him was other girls. She said that usually she wouldn't put fault to anyone else but that person, but his mother is a loose screw, and she thinks now that we are married it'll get better. 

Which it honestly has, but when he's out of a job, OMG I could pull my hair out.


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

Holy crap schlitter. I've never seen so many excuses. I don't blame you because Lamaga's right. You'll get to the next stage of this and realize we weren't wrong.

This guy ain't worth it. I'm sorry to say that but marriage definitely doesn't get easier as time goes on. Throw in a bad economy and some kids and who knows what else.

You need to be really honest with yourself about this situation.

YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS TREATMENT.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

schlitter, you know the truth. You just don't want to hear it.

If he is this bad NOW...just think what you'll be stuck with in 5 years. In 20 years.

Please just walk away from him. Count your blessings that you found out now. Set your bar higher and be choosier in your next guy, ok?

btw, I'm sorry for your loss.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Schlitter, I agree with the others....you'll get to the point that you can't take it anymore and won't accept the excuses either.

We all have some baggage from our childhoods, but as adults, we decide what we do with that baggage. We can either work on it and choose not to follow our parents examples, and choose not to let it affect us negatively, which in turn will affect our loved ones...OR we can choose to allow our childhood baggage to control our adulthood.

Your husband is choosing his actions, regardless of the reasons..his choices lay solely in his lap and his lap alone.

He is 100% accountable for his actions and his choices. Blame shifting does nothing to change it, it only enables it to continue.

He has to be held accountable.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If your husband really loved you, he wouldn't have put you in the position of needing help on a forum; he wouldn't have had you in tears; he wouldn't do things to make you wonder if you made a mistake.

If he really loved you, he would have been ALL ABOUT YOU all this time and he would have hurt himself before letting anything hurt you.

But he didn't. He 'conquered' you, as many men do; took you for granted; and lived his life all about himself.

You can do better.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Look, I remember a comeduanne saying in your 20's you are attracted to losers and addicts and abusers because you think you can change them. "oh look a science experiment!" I did the same thing. You talk so much about his past, his influences...it's not that interesting, relevant or important. I know that sounds cold. I just wish someone had told me this at your age! Who cares why, how he got this way? It doesnt matter. 
Focus on you and what you want and what you are going to do to heal and make sure you never get into another relationship like this again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

"oh look a science experiment"

God, Diwali, I just laughed so hard I choked. OH YES. I did this, yes, I did. Or, as my mom always called it, picking up strays. The difference is that stray dogs are grateful


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think it was Caroline Rhea who said it. Glad you enjoyed her humor like I did! 
You get older and realize you are worth so much more, your life is so important and you deserve someone who already is what you want, not someone who has potential or acts like they want to change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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