# My husband calling dating hotlines etc?????



## Channy (Aug 25, 2008)

This is not new to me..... it has been going on our whole relationship. We have been together 4 years, married 3. He has found women to "talk" to on things like quest, nightline, craigslist, and god knows what else. Every time I catch him he claims some stupid BS, either he was just trying to get ideas for new things for us to do, or he was trying to find women for a friend, or he just wanted a female friend, etc etc etc......... never the truth. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't talk to anyone about it, I am embarrassed by it! I don't know if he has physically been with any of these "women" but it scares me to death. I actually assume he has. Although he denies it as he does everything. He keeps saying he will stop and wants our marriage to work etc etc, but always the same BS over and over. It never stops for very long, if at all, might just be that I don't find it at that time. I have NO trust left for him.... and haven't for a long time.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

So what was your question?


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## Channy (Aug 25, 2008)

What does a person in this situation do? Just leave? I guess I wanted to hear others opinions as I am at a loss.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Probably leave before you have more time invested in the relationship. He's not remorseful, he lies, and continues the behavior. How can you trust him? Trust is everything in a happy, thriving marriage. And you don't have that--and he isn't likely to provide that.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He's most definitely actively seeking out an affair, if he hasn't had one already. If you suspect he has, then you need to get yourself checked out for STDs, especially if he's been trolling craiglist. I know of one woman who got infected by HIV when her WH hooked up with a skank from craigslist. So protect yourself and not have any sexual contact with him until everything is clear AND he stops what he's doing.

He's already disrespecting you and the marriage by his actions, and you don't have to stand for it. He's spitting on his marital vows to you and you have the right to demand he stop his behavior immediately. If he doesn't, and if you don't have any kids with him, it would be better to end it before you become more entangled in the marriage. He may already be a serial cheater and its likely he won't stop. He loves the thrill of the chase and being on the prowl it looks like.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Channy said:


> This is not new to me..... it has been going on our whole relationship.
> 
> ......... never the truth.
> 
> He keeps saying he will stop and wants our marriage to work etc etc, but always the same BS over and over. It never stops for very long, if at all, might just be that I don't find it at that time. I have NO trust left for him.... and haven't for a long time.


Ok so you have two options: either tolerate he will not stop since he keeps doing it or stay in a marriage where your husband actively searches other women out. 

I would be surprised if he hasn't met someone before.

Get tested for STDs. 

This is a form of cheating, IMO. The fact you called him out on it and he denies it and keeps doing it says it all.

He's not committed to you the way someone should b ein a marriage.

You are only married for 3 yrs and said you have been dealing with this your entire relationship--expect more of the same.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

You've drawn no line, there are no consequences for him, so he won't stop. Why should he? You've continue to tolerate it. 

You need to choose: work at it wth him, accept it as it is, or leave. If you choose to work at it, then he needs to choose - this activity or your marriage. If he chooses your marriage, that gets demonstrated through actions you can see, full access to his computer, phone, accounts, and activities with a full accounting. he needs to prove it to you. If he won't, he's hiding and you then have a choice to make. Excuses are just that - excuses. They're lies. Meaning he's a liar, and thus more likely a cheater in physical, real terms. Stand up, get control, get tested, and make decisions.


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