# Texting -> Wife/Co-worker -> EA to PA



## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

Hi folks.

Just wanted to create a post about how sophisticated some of these cheaters are getting. Let me preface all I’m about to say by letting you know that I’m writing this on behalf of a very close cousin of mine. He is scared his ex is shadowing his internet account and fears retaliation. Second, he fully agrees and attests that the information in TAM is dead ON POINT.

Now, he is a financial services guy and she is a school psychologist. Neither had a history of cheating or having multiple open disagreements. In fact, at my bbq parties they were always the hug types. Now they have two kids. She used to be an 8 and is now a 5. He’s been a 6 all his life.

To make a long story short: he NEVER suspected her of cheating. Until last year. He noticed that she started mentioning this new employee (let’s call him Brad) out of the blue. She used to mention Brad to him so often than by the 6th time he had to tell her to stop talking about the guy. She got upset.

Two months after that, my cousin and his wife went on vacation to the south of France and… who happens to be there? Brad! My cousin is furious at this point but says nothing. One morning, my cousin’s wife tells my cousin that she is going shopping and disappears. He follows her and it turns out she really just wanted to have a coffee date with Brad. My cousin goes ballistic and tries to fight the guy. He tells him to stay away from his wife. My cousin and his wife go back to the hotel room and have a full blown fight in front of the kids. She cries and cries and tells him that he does not trust her anymore. He feels sorry for her and drops the issue with the condition that she stop seeing Brad. She agrees.

Approximately four months after they came back to the US, my cousin started noticing that his wife was washing her inner clothing as soon as she got in the house. Thanks to TAM he was able to see the red flag and immediately bought a semen detecting kit. Came back positive. He should’ve gone underground right there and there, as per TAM’s advice. He didn’t. He confronted his wife and she went completely “off grid”. My cousin planted a GPS in the car, a listening device and a ven followed her to school once. Nothing.

He then started noticing that she would withdraw $80 at the end of every month (burner phone). She was using the burner phone to communicate with Brad ALL the time. There were ZERO clues in her real phone.

As far as driving was concerned, she was driving to a nearby secluded deli and dropping the car there around lunchtime. She would then go into the deli, purchase a coke and then proceed to a nearby mall, where she was actually changing clothes and then entering Brad’s car in the parking lot. My cousin got the license plates and had someone plant/velcro a LugLoc to the underside of the car. Let’s just say that they frequented the motel, A LOT. Then, 4 miles away from home, she would stop at a local park and change to the clothes she had worn in the morning.

During this ordeal, aside from what had happened in France, my cousin kept mute. He only had the friend that had planted the LugLoc approach me to tell me the full story and to see if I could post this story here, because he has been a fan for a while and he knows his wife probably got his TAM info already.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I hope he has an appointment with a lawyer, and maybe a PI to get the irrefutable evidence. She will deny it. He needs to get tested for stds also....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Damn. It would be awkward if the school found out about their psychologist having an affair with a colleague.

It'd be doubly awkward if the local TV channel found out, too.


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## Chaparralredux (Apr 21, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Damn. It would be awkward if the school found out about their psychologist having an affair with a colleague.
> 
> It'd be doubly awkward if the local TV channel found out, too.


What is he looking for in the way of advice? How old are the kids? Is the affair partner married? I would get pictures, PI if necessary. An attorney usually can recommend a safe one. Evidently she doesn’t actually want a divorce but I certainly wouldn’t consider it. I would just have her served at work, through the principal’s office if possible.


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## Chaparralredux (Apr 21, 2021)

I meant to say would not consider reconciliation.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Just your average cheater. Maybe a little smarter than some but….
He caught her and like a lot it just went deeper underground. All the sleuthing and trying to be a marriage warden is worthless unless it nullifies alimony in a divorce.
Get a good attorney and file. No need for a confrontation. Not to mention it’s a good way to get a domestic violation filed against you. She knows she’s cheating he doesn’t have to tell her. He can’t fix or change her. 
If her AP’s married he should inform his wife.
Staying in this is a waste of time and life he’ll never get back. LET HER GO.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Talking and confronting a Cheater is always pointless. Like the spoiled, selfish child they are, they only understand consequences. I’d have a PI get pictures and have that as leverage whether or not it was an at fault state or not.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Congrats to your cousin on his impending divorce.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

jlg07 said:


> I hope he has an appointment with a lawyer, and maybe a PI to get the irrefutable evidence. She will deny it. He needs to get tested for stds also....


He did. My cousin’s friend has a brother who is a PI.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

GusPolinski said:


> Congrats to your cousin on his impending divorce.


He told me to thank all of you guys and the TAM team for the information.


Evinrude58 said:


> Talking and confronting a Cheater is always pointless. Like the spoiled, selfish child they are, they only understand consequences. I’d have a PI get pictures and have that as leverage whether or not it was an at fault state or not.


THIS ^^^^^

If there’s one thing my cousin wants everyone to know is not to make the mistakes he made: follow the TAM script rigorously: SHUT UP!!! Ears open.

I’m not in on the case but from what I’ve heard she denied cheating until she was informed of the motel and the times she’d been there with “Brad.”

By the way, Brad’s moved on…


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

One very important point is that, once his wife went fully underground, he was unable to get a single shred of evidence from her, aside from the pantie changes.

In his case, what did her in was following the guy she was cheating with.

She was taking every step she could to cover her tracks. She would NEVER use the burner phone in the car, and when she had to text or call from the car using the burner phone, she would first pull over and converse. Furthermore, she was buying a prepaid phone every month, always from a different place. Had my cousin not followed her when she went shopping in France, he would’ve never known Brad was there.

By the by, the cheating did not have an effect on their sex life. The only thing he noticed was that she was, more often than not, aroused after only 30 seconds of foreplay. 

These cheating spouses are getting sophisticated.

Can’t stress it enough: SHUT UP!!! Start listening. SHUT UP!!! Start listening.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

Chaparralredux said:


> What is he looking for in the way of advice? How old are the kids? Is the affair partner married? I would get pictures, PI if necessary. An attorney usually can recommend a safe one. Evidently she doesn’t actually want a divorce but I certainly wouldn’t consider it. I would just have her served at work, through the principal’s office if possible.


He got the advise from TAM already. He said he was completely in the dark until he stumbled onto this site and was able to see that 1) he wasn’t the only one going through a cheating episode and 2) how to proceed with life and move on from infidelity.

The only thing he regrets is not having followed the “shut up/ears open” script. Everything else is already taken care of. His friend’s brother is a PI and he got him legal advise.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

By the by, this has cost me many hours of my life of just sitting there listening… for hours on end… drunk like a skunk on moonshine.

From an outsider’s perspective, what really hit my core was her duplicitousness, her persistence… saying that she wasn’t cheating even though she WAS and knew her husband was probably monitoring her coffee/lunch dates with the guy. Makes me wonder what MY wife is doing.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> Staying in this is a waste of time and life he’ll never get back. LET HER GO.


True.

My cousin likes to say “she belongs to the streets now. Nothing I can do.”


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> Damn. It would be awkward if the school found out about their psychologist having an affair with a colleague.
> 
> It'd be doubly awkward if the local TV channel found out, too.


It would be extremely awkward if the husband managed to snag her burner, down loaded it, and got hard copy of their texts and presented a hard copy to the Superintendent of the school district. It would be quite unfortunate for the "Psycho" and her "Boy Toy" if the husband pointed out to the Superintendent that it is incumbent upon him to clean up this mess; because if the husband does it, it might get somewhat gnarly and reflect poorly on the school district.

Then, if the husband reached out to all the board members in the district and "Educated" them on this extremely unprofessional situation, the Superintendent might find the additional impetus required to deal with it head on.

Squeaky wheels generally get greased.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

Having said the above, and to share my new found 21/2 years emotional intelligence podcasts, this is what I sense some women are up to:

1) To females, their feelings are INSANELY real and present to them. Doesn’t matter that you’re a model father or husband, if she feels it, you better believe she is thinking it. Her faithfulness to the marriage is a function of her emotional circumstances (as opposed to males, which is a function of our options). Train your females to preface the real issues with “I really need you to listen to me. This is entirely unrelated to the random whining I saturate your day with;”

2) You will always be her option C. She will forever feel like she can do better than you. If it happened to
Brad Pitt, it can most certainly happen to you;

3) Females, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, keep a “dïck” (another guy) on the side. It’s usually a lesser version of you so that he does not raise any suspicions. It may even be a gay friend (and let me tell you a little secret about gay guys: only a small minority of them are 100% gay, the rest of them will gladly have sex with your wife);

4) Females are irrationally attracted to older and richer males. The 55 year old that was trying to get into my wife’s pants, and almost succeeded had I not demanded that she stop intimating with him, looked like utter shït. But he had a 2MM mansion and was only working at a school to get health benefits (go freaking figure!). Doesn’t matter if the guy looks like crap. They get into your wife’s head and eventually into her pants. They sit there, listen, find a crack or a ***** in the marriage armor and wait until she has a moment of weakness to then take it to a PA.

What do you think?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

They’re not all like that. My opinion is the keepers get kept.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

Tdbo said:


> It would be extremely awkward if the husband managed to snag her burner, down loaded it, and got hard copy of their texts and presented a hard copy to the Superintendent of the school district. It would be quite unfortunate for the "Psycho" and her "Boy Toy" if the husband pointed out to the Superintendent that it is incumbent upon him to clean up this mess; because if the husband does it, it might get somewhat gnarly and reflect poorly on the school district.
> 
> Then, if the husband reached out to all the board members in the district and "Educated" them on this extremely unprofessional situation, the Superintendent might find the additional impetus required to deal with it head on.
> 
> Squeaky wheels generally get greased.


My cousin did try that route. He even contacted a school maintenance person to see if he could snatch the phone, but at that point his other friend had already gotten the first LugLoc hit at the motel and it was pretty much a done deal. Besides, he suspected his wife was buying new burn phones/sim cards every month, so grabbing one phone wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to know.


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## cocolo2019 (Aug 21, 2019)

Jakobs said:


> Having said the above, and to share my new found 21/2 years emotional intelligence podcasts, this is what I sense some women are up to:
> 
> 1) To females, their feelings are INSANELY real and present to them. Doesn’t matter that you’re a model father or husband, if she feels it, you better believe she is thinking it. Her faithfulness to the marriage is a function of her emotional circumstances (as opposed to males, which is a function of our options). Train your females to preface the real issues with “I really need you to listen to me. This is entirely unrelated to the random whining I saturate your day with;”
> 
> ...



Jakobs, what do you think about this post from Oldshirt? I think he nailed it. 









Lessons learned being OM #2 - harsh realities (Warning...


The main thing I want people to understand from part 1 is that no one is immune and it can happen any time, any where. There are a number of other things that I don't think many BHs/BSs can wrap their head around initially that people need to be aware of. I am going to post a few of those...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Jakobs said:


> True.
> 
> My cousin likes to say “she belongs to the streets now. Nothing I can do.”


There will always be another Brad. If he’s smart he’ll just let her go.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Jakobs said:


> “1) To females, their feelings are INSANELY real and present to them. Doesn’t matter that you’re a model father or husband,”
> 
> “2) You will always be her option C. She will forever feel like she can do better than you.”
> 
> ...


In your world, an older richer male “was trying to get into” your wife’s pants, “and almost succeeded”, “Females, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, keep a “dïck” (another guy) on the side”, and “You will always be her option C”, “She will forever feel like she can do better than you”.

Wow, it must suck to be you. Your world sounds terrible. Here is an idea. Rather than telling people how to live in a world of shallow and selfish people, how about just saying “do not marry a woman that thinks like this”.


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## masterofmasters (Apr 2, 2021)

sounds like this woman spent thousands of dollars just to cheat. does she have a mental disorder?


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

Jakobs said:


> True.
> 
> My cousin likes to say “she belongs to the streets now. Nothing I can do.”


Sounds like he is not interested in reconciliation, or that's more his understandable anger speaking. What about his WW? Is she also apparently not interested in reconciliation or does she believe this can be fixed? Or are one or both of them undecided?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jakobs said:


> Having said the above, and to share my new found 21/2 years emotional intelligence podcasts, this is what I sense some women are up to:
> 
> 1) To females, their feelings are INSANELY real and present to them. Doesn’t matter that you’re a model father or husband, if she feels it, you better believe she is thinking it. Her faithfulness to the marriage is a function of her emotional circumstances (as opposed to males, which is a function of our options). Train your females to preface the real issues with “I really need you to listen to me. This is entirely unrelated to the random whining I saturate your day with;”
> 
> ...


A few women may be like this, a majority are really not.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Jakobs said:


> Having said the above, and to share my new found 21/2 years emotional intelligence podcasts, this is what I sense some women are up to:
> 
> 1) To females, their feelings are INSANELY real and present to them. Doesn’t matter that you’re a model father or husband, if she feels it, you better believe she is thinking it. Her faithfulness to the marriage is a function of her emotional circumstances (as opposed to males, which is a function of our options). Train your females to preface the real issues with “I really need you to listen to me. This is entirely unrelated to the random whining I saturate your day with;”
> 
> ...


I think only an ***** thinks like that. But, what do I know?


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

masterofmasters said:


> sounds like this woman spent thousands of dollars just to cheat. does she have a mental disorder?


Almost $1000 in burner phones/sim cards and data plans and about $2500 in lingerie my cousin never saw.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

OddOne said:


> Sounds like he is not interested in reconciliation, or that's more his understandable anger speaking. What about his WW? Is she also apparently not interested in reconciliation or does she believe this can be fixed? Or are one or both of them undecided?


He wants nothing to do with her.

She got dumped by “Brad” by the way.


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> A few women may be like this, a majority are really not.


I sincerely hope so.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jakobs said:


> He wants nothing to do with her.
> 
> She got dumped by “Brad” by the way.


Is he married?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jakobs said:


> I sincerely hope so.


They arent, any more than all men are like that. I have known and know countless women in my life, most were and are nothing like that at all.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Jakobs said:


> What do you think?





Blondilocks said:


> I think only an asshole thinks like that. But, what do I know?





Jakobs said:


> Keep running your mouth like this and I can guarantee you someone is going to knock all your teeth out.



Or you keep being the red pill asshole that you are, and it may be you who is going to get all your teeth knockout.

How ****ing pathetic you must be, to ask for an opinion and to answer a woman that gave her opinion like that. I wonder if your woman cheated or tried to cheat on you for you to be such a pathetic asshole.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Jakobs said:


> By the by, this has cost me many hours of my life of just sitting there listening… for hours on end… drunk like a skunk on moonshine.
> 
> From an outsider’s perspective, what really hit my core was her duplicitousness, her persistence… saying that she wasn’t cheating even though she WAS and knew her husband was probably monitoring her coffee/lunch dates with the guy. Makes me wonder what MY wife is doing.


Chromers buddy helped him through it with his discovery and divorce from cheating wife. Buddy realized some things in his wife's behavior and started digging and found out that several years ago she went to a class reunion and screwed an old boyfriend in his truck in the parking lot of school. 

Buddy filed divorce due to adultry, notified grown kids, got on his bike and disappeared toward west coast. Stopped off at Bunny Ranch for week and gave reviews on many of the girls. He now lives on a yacht in FLA with a fine fitness trainer lover half his age. His ex is living with her elderly mother.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Jakobs said:


> Almost $1000 in burner phones/sim cards and data plans and about $2500 in lingerie my cousin never saw.


Have him get a forensic accountant to find out how much she has wasted, he is entitled to half that amount in monetary gain.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I bet that was a made up story so he could get attention for his real message of "I have a penis. Girls don't. Girls are booger heads". This is what happens when the basement windows fog up.


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

Any updates?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator notice *Folks, if you think a member is posting fake stories, report them and allow the moderation team to investigate them. Don't call them out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"Oh. It's another accidentally reanimated zombie thread. Let's put it out of our misery," said Zombie Cat.


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