# Help me please!



## Confusedneedhelp (Nov 19, 2013)

My husband of five years cheated on me in February of this year he told me right away, it was a one night stand he seemed very remorseful. A few weeks later I revenge cheated on him, with a co worker. I hate myself for ruining our family we have three kids. I had never gotten off before I cheated on him, although I was ok with our sex life before I feel like I cAnt stop now, I feel like I can't live without getting off I'm addicted and it's ruining my life. I can't get off with him still to this day an have continued my affair with my co-worker. I know I am a horrible person and am ready to hear it I just don't know why I feel the need to give up every thing just for good sex. I need help snapping out of it for my kids. My husband knows about the affair and knows this guy can get me off, I have tried to get him to go to counseling with me to get myself help but he won't I don't kno what to do anymore


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Your husband made a mistake and owned it. He came and told you. You took that mistake and ruined your marriage. I really doubt your marriage will survive this. You not only cheated to get revenge your still doing it. Then you did the worst thing yet you told him your AP takes care of your needs where he can not. 

He will never get passed this. 

I would separate and file for divorce. 

Clay


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Both of you are damaged. Divorce, get into intensive IC, fix yourself, start new lives. The marriage is too poisoned to recover, you might only pile up sorrow if you try.


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## Lister (Jan 29, 2013)

Confusedneedhelp said:


> My husband of five years cheated on me in February of this year he told me right away, it was a one night stand he seemed very remorseful. A few weeks later I revenge cheated on him, with a co worker. I hate myself for ruining our family we have three kids. I had never gotten off before I cheated on him, although I was ok with our sex life before I feel like I cAnt stop now, I feel like I can't live without getting off I'm addicted and it's ruining my life. I can't get off with him still to this day an have continued my affair with my co-worker. I know I am a horrible person and am ready to hear it I just don't know why I feel the need to give up every thing just for good sex. I need help snapping out of it for my kids. My husband knows about the affair and knows this guy can get me off, I have tried to get him to go to counseling with me to get myself help but he won't I don't kno what to do anymore



You are not a horrible person you are confused and emotionally vulnerable but if you want to save your marriage then end your affair NOW before it is too late. Tell your husband that it is over and that you are truly remorseful for what you did even if it was in response to his affair. The great sex won't last when the implications of your actions kick in and your family falls apart around you.

Seek counselling and work hard with your husband to explore what the issues in your marriage are that led to this happenning. Use this painful experience to try and build a healthier and stronger relationship with your husband and you may find that great sex with him will follow.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

Confusedneedhelp said:


> My husband knows about the affair and knows this guy can get me off


I am not sure I would be able to "get over" being told that. Even if you guys stay together, those words right there will haunt him forever.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Confusedneedhelp said:


> My husband knows about the affair and knows this guy can get me off, I have tried to get him to go to counseling with me to get myself help but he won't I don't kno what to do anymore


What the hell your chusband can do about it? MC would be a complete waste with a 3rd party in the picture, any decent MC wouldn't take your money.

It's ridiculous, nobody can stop you if you don't want to stop.
It's you the one with the free will, not him. He can't convince you, manipulate you, control your choices.

Quit the job, block OM from any comunication devices, one day after the other go NC. Period. No shortcuts here, hard, unpleasant choices every day, every hour, every minute if necessary.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Tell the kids about it and see what their reaction is.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

You are not a horrible person. Your psyche was shattered when your husband had his affair. You have attached the significance of what your husband brought to your marriage to this other man.

I understand the betrayal part. The revenge cheating, I never did. I know you feel like you have to 'get off', but that is a feeling. It is not true.

You cannot undue what your husband did and you cannot undue what you have done. You can STOP what you are doing now.

What is more important for you, to get off or the well being of your children? You cannot have both so choose wisely and choose right. Do what you need to do and stop with the OM before you damage your own children.


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## Confusedneedhelp (Nov 19, 2013)

Clay2013 said:


> Your husband made a mistake and owned it. He came and told you. You took that mistake and ruined your marriage. I really doubt your marriage will survive this. You not only cheated to get revenge your still doing it. Then you did the worst thing yet you told him your AP takes care of your needs where he can not.
> 
> He will never get passed this.
> 
> ...


Thats what I was afraid of


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## Confusedneedhelp (Nov 19, 2013)

Lister said:


> You are not a horrible person you are confused and emotionally vulnerable but if you want to save your marriage then end your affair NOW before it is too late. Tell your husband that it is over and that you are truly remorseful for what you did even if it was in response to his affair. The great sex won't last when the implications of your actions kick in and your family falls apart around you.
> 
> Seek counselling and work hard with your husband to explore what the issues in your marriage are that led to this happenning. Use this painful experience to try and build a healthier and stronger relationship with your husband and you may find that great sex with him will follow.


I know the great sex wont last its just something I haven't been used to. My kids are definitely more important to me then any sex...I feel like ive hurt him to bad and he will never forgive me.


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## Confusedneedhelp (Nov 19, 2013)

Acabado said:


> What the hell your chusband can do about it? MC would be a complete waste with a 3rd party in the picture, any decent MC wouldn't take your money.
> 
> It's ridiculous, nobody can stop you if you don't want to stop.
> It's you the one with the free will, not him. He can't convince you, manipulate you, control your choices.
> ...


I wish it were that easy. Unfortunately I have a vested interest in the job and cant ever leave, I think that's part of the problem. If I could walk away and quit it would make everything easy. The whole thing is so messed up, I think I need counseling to even think straight. My husband got layed off a few months ago and works at the same place as us as well.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Am I the only one wondering what this OM brought to the table that got you off when you never were able to with your husband?


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## Confusedneedhelp (Nov 19, 2013)

jay1365 said:


> Am I the only one wondering what this OM brought to the table that got you off when you never were able to with your husband?


LOL that's the thing, I wish I knew. I would do anything to have the same feeling with my husband. I've been married one other time and never got off back then either. I thought that I was broken for all these years. We had tried everything. And I hate that I told my husband that after I cheated on him, but I thought I would be able to with him since I did with the OM, but that is still not the case.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Confusedneedhelp said:


> LOL that's the thing, I wish I knew. I would do anything to have the same feeling with my husband. I've been married one other time and never got off back then either. I thought that I was broken for all these years. We had tried everything. And I hate that I told my husband that after I cheated on him, but I thought I would be able to with him since I did with the OM, but that is still not the case.


OM is the only one who can get you off???? In my humble opinion he will probably never get over that little tidbit. I know I wouldn't, it's an insult to his whole manhood. He will feel like a failure every time you have sex. The only thing I have going for me is that my WW told me she could never get off with the OM only me. If it was the other way around I would probably have sent her packing. It's hard enough knowing all the things she did with the OM, I could not handle knowing I was inferior in the most important part of sex. Glad your not "broken", too bad your marraige is. Good luck.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Confusedneedhelp said:


> My husband got layed off a few months ago and works at the same place as us as well.


So the poor man is emasculated, told he always was an horrible lover which won't measure OM ever, then he loses his job and has to endure OM's presence at work as long as in your head and sex.

Nice.
Can you be even more cruel? Propose you husband the cuckold lifestyle.
Do you f0ck OM at work too?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Confusedneedhelp said:


> *LOL* that's the thing, I wish I knew. I would do anything to have the same feeling with my husband. I've been married one other time and never got off back then either. I thought that I was broken for all these years. We had tried everything. And I hate that I told my husband that after I cheated on him, but I thought I would be able to with him since I did with the OM, but that is still not the case.


LOL??????

You destroy your husband and the father of your children in a way that is seldom seen around here (and that's a statement in itself), and you casually toss around an LOL in response to a question??

This is about as disgusting as I can even begin to imagine.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

3putt said:


> LOL??????
> 
> You destroy your husband and the father of your children in a way that is seldom seen around here (and that's a statement in itself), and you casually toss around an LOL in response to a question??
> 
> This is about as disgusting as I can even begin to imagine.


Yep that's what I thought too lol and "got off"

(..........dubious, very)


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

OP exactly what help are you here for? You have done this for an entire year now and have taken no steps to end it. 

How are we supposed to care about your family more than you do?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Cheater wars.

If your boyfriend can get you off, you can get yourself off. If you can get yourself off, you can teach your husband to get you off. Sorry, I think you just like making your husband miserable. Its working, not that he doesn't deserve it but do your kids deserve a destroyed father. I'm guessing you are planning on your bf becoming their dad. All three of you should be on cheaterville.com.

I usually wish posters good luck but I can't this time. Let us know how reaping what you sow works out for you.


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## Lister (Jan 29, 2013)

Confusedneedhelp said:


> I know the great sex wont last its just something I haven't been used to. My kids are definitely more important to me then any sex...I feel like ive hurt him to bad and he will never forgive me.


He won't forgive you if you don't try with the first step being to stop the Affair! You may be surprised, after all he's not whiter than white in the A department. You have caused each other a huge amount of pain, but relationships can be rebuilt if you BOTH want to. 

I had an affair for 3 years, damn near broke my wife's heart and still cannot believe that she is prepared to give me the chance to rebuild our relationship. There is always hope but you both have to want it and you cannot continue to see your AP. That requires you to be strong and give up the excitement of the affair.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I know the great sex wont last its just something I haven't been used to. *My kids are definitely more important to me then any sex..*.I feel like ive hurt him to bad and he will never forgive me.



*If the bold words above are true then EVERYTHING you do from now on should be to help your INOCENT children.* Get all the help you can from every source and then put the children ahead of everything except God. You can get a lot better by helping your children and yourself. However, do not waste too much time on your marriage as it will never be the same and may already be dead.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Wait...wait....you had a revenge affair with a co-worker and your husband is aware that you were able to "get off" with this guy and not him? And you continue your affair AND you all work together? Therefore, he has to see you with the guy that you're sleeping with? Is he aware that you're still sleeping with him? At the end of the day, does he get into his car and you jump into the OM car? AND YOU'RE WONDERING WHY YOUR HUSBAND WON'T GO TO CONSELING WITH YOU?!?!?!

You say that the kids are what's most important to you. Uh huh....just how important if mommy isn't there because she's out on a date while Dad babysits.


I'm having a hard time believing this story.....

I'm just waiting for you to tell us that your husband looked really sad serving you and your lover coffee in the morning in your bed while he wore that French maids outfit.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Confusedneedhelp said:


> I know the great sex wont last its just something I haven't been used to. *My kids are definitely more important to me then any sex..*.I feel like ive hurt him to bad and he will never forgive me.


I was feeling empathy up until the bold part.

Speak with actions, not words. Your actions call your words a lie.

I totally understand (although disagree but understand) a revenge affair. Your husband had a ONS, you had sex. Your FIRST time was revenge....after that you can't call it revenge. Plain and simple you're in a long term affair.

PS your husband will NEVER be able to learn to get you off while your with someone else.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

So what is the full story here... You, your husband and the OM all work together every day. The affair is ongoing and your husband knows this. Are you both pursuing divorce right now? Has that been decided yet? Or what is your husband waiting for?

Honestly if he isn't pursuing divorce, especially after you shared with him that he's never been able to satisfy you and that only the OM can, if he gets off on your cheating. (Look up the world "cuckold") 

Are you willing to cut off the OM completely and permanently? Could you ask him to change jobs? Can you recommit to your husband and your children? It would take a lot of time and caring support for him to rebuild his psyche, that's for sure. I hope you'll make that right choice though!


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Lets go back to the beginning---why did you find a need to have a revenge A, on your H---lets start there------did you figure that 2 wrongs were gonna level the playing field---you knew you had kids, that were gonna be screwed up from what your H---did---and yet you go and make it even worse---so now your kids have both parents cheating---also why did your H, have his ONS----your mge is pretty screwed up---and the 2 of you have kids into the middle of this mess

Let me ask you one thing------what is more important to you---------YOUR OWN 2 FLESH AND BLOOD CHILDREN---or a scumbag POS, that has sex with a married woman

Your decision should take about 3 SECONDS TO MAKE---that is if you are any kind of a decent mother, which at this point you are not.

As has already been said---you can do what is necessary to satisfy yourself---do so, until you get this all figured out---you also need to go to an IC, who specializes in sex therapy

Also like it or not---you need to delete your LOVER---if only for the sake of your kids---obviously you seem to think little to nothing of your H----but no matter which way you go---your LOVER IS TOXIC TO YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD CHILDREN------again I ask you---who is more important---if you are any kind of a mother---the right decision--would have you DELETING your lover immediately


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