# Wow. I Feel Like An Idiot.



## RoninJedi

I know everyone says this, but I'm sorry for the length. I think this is more of a vent than anything.

I am a Christian, I'm a pastor, and I have spent years being a grade A a-hole when people have come to me with their marriage problems and wanting to walk away. I have told them repeatedly that they have to bust their butt to make it work no matter what, that no one ever says life is fair, that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy but we don't deserve it (I speak biblically here - meaning the only thing we as sinners deserve is death - not going to debate this point right now, though).

I've been through infidelity in my marriage numerous times, and I never left and it was hell on earth but I came through it and my marriage was better than ever.

At least I thought it was.

Now I find out it's over. She's been emotionally checked out for months and I've done everything I can. I know a lot of people say that, but I really mean it. I found out today because basically I kept pestering her to cut the crap and tell me what's wrong. She just didn't want to tell me before Christmas because she didn't want that being messed up for the kids (we have 3).

So now, I'm a few months away from being a divorced father of 3 at 29 years old, I work 2nd shift (3pm-11pm) with no chance at all of altering that - so I have no idea what I'll do for child care. I'm going to have to move, buy furniture, the whole nine yards. Basically this is going to wipe me out physically, emotionally, and financially.

So now I find myself in the shoes of all those people I've talked to before, and pardon me but I feel like a ****weed - because I feel like there's no way in hell this will ever improve. I have to do right by my kids but I don't see a way to do that.

But I'm the guy that has all the answers, right? I *know* life gets hard, and it's not fair, and sometimes you feel like it would just be easier to crawl into a hole somewhere. I *know* God loves me and that He will take care of me and my kids and that somewhere down the road I will be a much better and stronger man than I am right now because of this. I *know* that we can get stuck between what we feel and what we know, and that we have to be careful not to let what we feel take over.

That's where I'm at right now. I know all of those things - I feel like I know all the answers. I do, in fact, know a lot of them. But I feel like I don't have the capacity to hold on to those things. I feel like a failure. I feel like a moron. I feel like "Mr. Big & Bad Lean Mean Preaching Machine thinks he's going to help other people with their lives and problems but he couldn't even keep his marriage together".

This trend has been going on for about 4 months and has progressively gotten worse as everything I do has made no difference. I have made zero progress in my Bachelor's program (BA in Ministry) because I feel like I'm not worthy of it. My ministry (website) has also fallen by the wayside because I feel like I'm not good enough to run it.

Basically, I feel like everything I've been standing for is a lie. I know that deep down I don't think it is - but right now that's how I feel. I don't know what to do or where to turn, and even though I *know* He wants me to, I can't even bring myself to pray right now because I feel like I really screwed the pooch on God's plan for me.

I have Proverbs 24:10 (Basically if you give up when there's trouble, you're a wuss) tattooed on my left arm, and I keep looking at it and shaking my head thinking, "Yeah, you're a real hard a** now, aren't you?"

I don't even know where I'm going with this. Somebody help me out. Pray for me. Something. Thanks for letting me rant.


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## As'laDain

sounds like you suck at helping people.
do something about it.

i always figured that the whole point to the new testament was to love God and love people. 
it never said that anyone in particular had to be good at leading others or have all the answers.


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## Fozzy

Pastors are human too. Nobody gets out of life on earth without some pain. I'll pray for you.


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## norajane

You're only 29. You have a whole lifetime of mistakes and learning ahead of you. You've learned two things from this - you don't know it all, and when someone cheats on you numerous times, their actions have shown they don't actually want to be married to you.

So now you do what everyone else does - at some point you stop feeling sorry for yourself and you pick yourself up, learn something from your mistakes, and move on to do better for yourself and for others in the future. It's how we handle our mistakes that show what we're made of. If this makes you a more humble and empathetic man and preacher, then you now can be a better man and preacher and can help more people.


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## 2ntnuf

> I've been through infidelity in my marriage numerous times, and I never left and it was hell on earth but I came through it and my marriage was better than ever.


Sounds like you've both been through quite a bit of trouble. 



> Basically, I feel like everything I've been standing for is a lie. I know that deep down I don't think it is - but right now that's how I feel. I don't know what to do or where to turn, and even though I know He wants me to, I can't even bring myself to pray right now because I feel like I really screwed the pooch on God's plan for me.


I remember being so angry, I just got on my knees and told God how pissed I was at Him. I just let it all out to Him. I told Him what I thought about my life, how I felt he let me down, how I wished He would do something and on and on. I just let it all out on Him. I did feel better and I think it helped me. I think He turned His back on me and then turned back around, after I talked with Him. Maybe all He wanted was for me to just talk? 

I will pray for you, your wife, and your children tonight before I crawl into bed. 



There is a woman, Michele Weiner-Davis, who has a good book on divorce busting. Divorce Busting® - How to Save Your Marriage, Solve Marriage Problems, and Stop Divorce

There are different ways to go depending on what your situation is. From what you have written, it doesn't sound good. There is not enough information here to go on, though.

I think much of what I might offer would pale in comparison to what you already know. I wish you the best. It must be really tough after you've gone through working on yourself and your marriage.


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## Mr Blunt

> I have made zero progress in my Bachelor's program (BA in Ministry) because I feel like *I'm not worthy* of it. My ministry (website) has also fallen by the wayside because I feel like I'm *not good enough* to run it.



Is this because you have been affected for years by your wife’s betrayal and your adultry or have you felt this way since before marriage? *What do you think the reason is that you are disappointed in your BA and web goals?*

My pastor, who I am convinced has a burning desire to please God and has been the vessel of many spiritual truths to us, is now single. His wife left him 7 years ago for one year, came back, and she left again and she has now been gone for two years. We do not know why but the elders have made an investigation into the pastor’s life and have reported that they have found nothing the pastor has done that is scripturally wrong. Our pastor has five children and is a blessing to our church!

Charles Stanley, In Touch Ministries, is one of the most gifted biblical teachers in America and his wife left him many many years ago. Dr. Stanley is still a very powerful teacher of God’s word.

I am just guessing, but with the limited information that you gave it maybe, that you think that you should be a Christian superman at the age of 29. Your life fails to live up to your superman complex and now you feel unworthy and not good enough.

I maybe way off but there is something wrong with your strong thoughts and words of “Not good enough” and “don’t deserve it”
*You sound like a good man that maybe not focused enough on God’s grace and being beaten down by a wayward wife and your own betrayal.*

I know that there is more to your story but with what you gave us I can only see what I have described above.


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## 2ntnuf

I have to agree with Mr. Blunt. 

And, Charles Stanley pulled me through many a rough day with his preaching. He really hit home for me, many times.


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## WolverineFan

RoninJedi - I am very sorry for your pain - I know all about it firsthand. I was an Itinerant Evangelist and a Pastor for 15 years. I was the one, however, that destroyed our marriage. When I actually humbled myself and began to follow through on my promise to change and get help, she turned to another man for her comfort. They are still together four years later.

There are no easy answers here and the pain you will experience will bring new meaning to the verse - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." The truth is that none of this has caught God by surprise, He has already factored it in and His plan has not been frustrated.

I am now working at a Marriage & Family ministry helping people who have been devastated by divorce. If you would like more information feel free to message me. There is help available.


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## NovellaBiers

God hates us all.


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## FormerSelf

For Christians, I understand that divorce is sometime more traumatic than the infidelity itself. I know, I felt really defeated when I was staring at the face of a wife who acted shamelessly and was walking away from all that she knew about her beliefs. Utter powerlessness and defeat.
However God strengthened me where I had no strength. I relied on principles given in Love Must Be Tough and also fed myself on everyone's experiences here...to open my stinkin' eyes. I was able to set boundaries for myself and then LET GO of what I feared divorce MEANT about my life and my future...and just warmed myself in the comfort of God and submitted myself to the process of healing, erecting tough boundaries with my spouse, and got to a place of accepting that which I could not control. I got out of the way of God...and in my case, my wife did come around...on the eve of our divorce finalization. Of course, then I was diagnosed with cancer, so go figure...ha!
In any case, God is not a stranger...and sees things many miles and years down the road. You can't control the opinion of other concerning your state...and you sure as heck can't disregard how you have helped others...as if this disqualifies you to be God's help in the lives of hurting people. You are only going to come out stronger and wiser after all of this...and be thankful that all this is getting exposed and dealt with your life. Be thankful every day...and cling to the Lord's joy...and reside in the peace that surpasses all understanding. This is our foundation...being thankful in our trials...and being complete for no apparent reason! Your witness will become greater than you think.


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## greeneyedlily

RoninJedi, I feel very sorry to hear you are going through this, many people in your shoes have experienced this, and pastors are humans just like everyone else. Your calling has not changed, that is important to remember, and you are paying a price here, not of your own design, but God will be faithful to restore all you have lost if you keep your heart and mind set on him. Remember, we are never able to be worthy in our own strength- we are always both sinner/saint, we need the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ each and every day --and there is new grace each day for us. Sounds like you need to spend time with God, reflect upon his word more deeply, and quick condemning yourself, that is the accuser speaking death to you. The resurrection of the faithful has already been secured in Christ Jesus remember that! "There is now therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." As one who has been there, you must go through the pain, feel it, grieve, and leave the rest and yourself in God's faithful care. We are never alone, for God is with us always. peace be with you and many prayers.


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## LostViking

NovellaBiers said:


> God hates us all.


God had nothing to do with his wife's bad behavior or his poor ways of dealing with her crap. 

Leave God out of that.


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## RoninJedi

A belated thank you to all - well, most - of you. Finally forced myself to pray yesterday, and must confess it quickly turned into more of a rant than anything. But it still felt good to get it off my chest and get that connection with God, and my ranting subsided before too long and turned back to earnest prayer. Today I admit I'm still feeling sorry for myself, but it's not the inescapable cesspool it felt like a couple days ago.

It still sucks, I still don't like it, and I still don't have a clue how things will unfold moving forward, but you guys have reinforced truths that I let get away from me when I was hit with the initial shock. My calling hasn't changed, God hasn't changed, He definitely wasn't caught by surprise, and my calling as a pastor doesn't mean I've got it all figured out and that I'm magically made some sort of Super Saiyan warrior who's invulnerable to puny human emotions.

I'm beginning to feel that this is one of those times I'm always telling people about - when God allows us to come to a point where we don't have a choice but to rely on Him, and that's what I'm trying to do.

I still feel like an idiot, but I also know I'm God's idiot, and that along the way He'll give me an IQ boost as this experience unfolds.

Thanks again for the kind words, encouragement, prayers, and no-bull crap opinions. They are a big help.


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## FormerSelf

To be honest, in spite of the truths that we believe guide us through such an ordeal...it still is a huge emotional rollercoaster.


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## Rev. Clonn

The right answer, "not my will lord, but thyne". I have and will pray for you and yours.


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## SimplyAmorous

norajane said:


> So now you do what everyone else does - at some point you stop feeling sorry for yourself and you pick yourself up, learn something from your mistakes, and move on to do better for yourself and for others in the future. * It's how we handle our mistakes that show what we're made of. If this makes you a more humble and empathetic man and preacher, then you now can be a better man and preacher and can help more people.*


 Yes... I have found those who've lived through the most trying trials.. .yet has kept themselves from bitterness... not allowing it to break them but learn from what has come ...and passed...in it's time...they are more equipped, open even...to understand / relate to the hardships of others...













> *WolverineFan said*: *There are no easy answers here and the pain you will experience will bring new meaning to the verse - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.*"


It's a walk in humility...it has it's value... you may not grasp it right now.....but hold on....



> *Mr Blunt said:* I maybe way off but here is something wrong with your strong thoughts and words of “Not good enough” and “don’t deserve it”. You sound like a good man that maybe not focused enough on God’s grace and being beaten down by a wayward wife and your own betrayal.


 and sometimes we need some self compassion on ourselves....we show compassion to others but do we extend it to ourselves.... 



> Definition of self-compassion Definition of self-compassion
> 
> Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Think about what the experience of compassion feels like. First, to have compassion for others you must notice that they are suffering. If you ignore that homeless person on the street, you can’t feel compassion for how difficult his or her experience is. Second, compassion involves feeling moved by others' suffering so that your heart responds to their pain (the word compassion literally means to “suffer with”). When this occurs, you feel warmth, caring, and the desire to help the suffering person in some way. Having compassion also means that you offer understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Finally, when you feel compassion for another (rather than mere pity), it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. “There but for fortune go I.”
> 
> Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things will not always go the way you want them to. You will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life.


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## ConanHub

Just wondering what on earth possessed you to put up with being married to a gutter tramp?
Unless your name is Hosea and your wife is Gomer I don't know why you put up with her infidelity for so long.
I don't spread this around much but I am ordained and there is no way I would put up with an unfaithful wife.

Do you think God ever just put up with His brides unfaithfulness?
NO!
He gave her hell when she was unfaithful to Him and He said that she should come back to Him but,on her knees, humbled, and absolutely submissive to His will!
He would not accept anything but her complete submission to His will if she was to return.
Your wife is a piece of trash and the best thing you can do for her is to let her know it!
Just take your clue from God.

Read what he called unfaithful Israel.

You deserve a faithful wife and guess what, God wants you to have a faithful wife.
Maybe her leaving is actually a mercy from God to free you from the bondage of skankieness !

Really, be Godlike and demand faithfulness from a spouse.

You could be a blessing for another hurting soul out there, waiting for her answer to her own crisis of faith.

God loves you, your wife loves herself, and so you should just love God back and know that He detests what your wife has and is doing and His plan for your life is certainly better than what she has to offer.
It his not his desire for you to be hurt by an unfaithful wife.
Keep the faith bro.:smthumbup:


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## Fozzy

Go back for another helping of Job for some perspective, and remember you're still a young man. Life aint over yet.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Ronin:

I'm sorry you're going through this. You *will* get through this the same way everyone does...one step at a time. You are overwhelmed right now, and understandably so.

Please set some priorities for yourself!
1) Your faith is important to you, so please concentrate on your PERSONAL relationship with God. Ministering to others is great as that is your calling, but RIGHT NOW, you have other areas that need your concern more.
2) Concentrate on assisting your children. They will be going through a LOT of upheaval. 
3) Put off the BA in Ministry and the website until a little bit later. You, your children, your everyday existence (shelter, babysitting, nurturing, etc) MUST be your priority right now over the salvation of others. You cannot lead others until you lead yourself and your family. *THAT* is why you are a father of 3...to show THEM how to live correctly.
4) In another 12-18 months, when you have things more under control from a daily-perspective, revisit the BA in Ministry and the website scenario.

I'm sure your God would want you to be a faithful follower of His and a faithful, uplifting, secure support to your little children BEFORE you worry about leading other adults to Him. He WILL understand that your ministry can/will/should wait.

Consider how much more insight/compassion this hard-earned knowledge will be worth to you and others in the coming decades! And I agree that a cheating wife who refuses to change, but instead chooses to leave is a HUGE blessing/relief/improvement for your life and the lives of your children.

Best wishes to you in 2014; hold fast to the things you KNOW are true; that will be your comfort (both your children and your God LOVE *YOU*). What more could you want?


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## lifeistooshort

A couple of questions come to mind here. First, do we know for a fact it was her that cheated? Maybe fair to assume but it wasn't clear to me. Second, if you believe that nobody deserves to be happy and you just suck it up, why would you care if she's checked out? Why would you pester her? Did you nurture the relationship with your wife or did you assume since you were married that was it? There is something a little off about a 20 something doling out marital advice anyway; you haven't lived much yet and you don't know as much as you think you do. On the flip side of this you're really young and have a lot of years to put your life together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy

lifeistooshort said:


> A couple of questions come to mind here. First, do we know for a fact it was her that cheated? Maybe fair to assume but it wasn't clear to me. Second, if you believe that nobody deserves to be happy and you just suck it up, why would you care if she's checked out? Why would you pester her? Did you nurture the relationship with your wife or did you assume since you were married that was it? *There is something a little off about a 20 something doling out marital advice anyway; you haven't lived much yet and you don't know as much as you think you do.* On the flip side of this you're really young and have a lot of years to put your life together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've gotten some marital advice from 50+ yr olds that had me rolling my eyes. Age does not equal wisdom.


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## lifeistooshort

Fozzy said:


> I've gotten some marital advice from 50+ yr olds that had me rolling my eyes. Age does not equal wisdom.


Well that is certainly true. Greater age doesn't always equal wisdom, but lesser age seldom does. You just can't have wisdom without life behind it, because you don't know what you don't know and you don't know until you've lived.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulseer

It sounds like you are going to have to take your lumps , stand yourself up and dust yourself and carry on.

Yes you need to humble yourself as you are now being taught new lessons in life when you thought you knew it all.

Use your beliefs to make you stronger not as poison to make yourself weaker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub

lifeistooshort said:


> A couple of questions come to mind here. First, do we know for a fact it was her that cheated? Maybe fair to assume but it wasn't clear to me. Second, if you believe that nobody deserves to be happy and you just suck it up, why would you care if she's checked out? Why would you pester her? Did you nurture the relationship with your wife or did you assume since you were married that was it? There is something a little off about a 20 something doling out marital advice anyway; you haven't lived much yet and you don't know as much as you think you do. On the flip side of this you're really young and have a lot of years to put your life together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good point life!
I just checked OPs page and apparently she was unfaithful multiple times and he was once.
It definitely sounds like he might need to go back to the drawing board when it comes to marriage.

Ronin. SGW is right, you should start the 180 and focus on your kids. Your academic goals probably shouldn't be high on your list right now.
You don't know how many times I have seen families in ministry falter and break while seemingly doing so much for the church and accomplishing academic goals.

A good starting point would be to admit that you still have a lot to learn when it comes to marriage.
I'm not trying to beat you up but your results have been less than stellar.
There is a lot to learn from many good folks here, I hope you keep posting.
Keep the faith and merry Christmas. (Yes, even in all this, you can have joy in Christ today.)


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## motherofone

Every person who enters your life is a gift. You may not know when or where or how but they will gift something to you to help you realize, grow or change. 

I recommended some individual counseling through this, but know coming out the other side your views will change and your advice to others will evolve. Sometimes change and embracing the uneasy feeling gets us moving forward. Forward should be the goal.


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## whostolethesoul

*Re: Re: Wow. I Feel Like An Idiot.*



RoninJedi said:


> I know everyone says this, but I'm sorry for the length. I think this is more of a vent than anything.
> 
> I am a Christian, I'm a pastor, and I have spent years being a grade A a-hole when people have come to me with their marriage problems and wanting to walk away. I have told them repeatedly that they have to bust their butt to make it work no matter what, that no one ever says life is fair, that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy but we don't deserve it (I speak biblically here - meaning the only thing we as sinners deserve is death - not going to debate this point right now, though).
> 
> I've been through infidelity in my marriage numerous times, and I never left and it was hell on earth but I came through it and my marriage was better than ever.
> 
> At least I thought it was.
> 
> Now I find out it's over. She's been emotionally checked out for months and I've done everything I can. I know a lot of people say that, but I really mean it. I found out today because basically I kept pestering her to cut the crap and tell me what's wrong. She just didn't want to tell me before Christmas because she didn't want that being messed up for the kids (we have 3).
> 
> So now, I'm a few months away from being a divorced father of 3 at 29 years old, I work 2nd shift (3pm-11pm) with no chance at all of altering that - so I have no idea what I'll do for child care. I'm going to have to move, buy furniture, the whole nine yards. Basically this is going to wipe me out physically, emotionally, and financially.
> 
> So now I find myself in the shoes of all those people I've talked to before, and pardon me but I feel like a ****weed - because I feel like there's no way in hell this will ever improve. I have to do right by my kids but I don't see a way to do that.
> 
> But I'm the guy that has all the answers, right? I *know* life gets hard, and it's not fair, and sometimes you feel like it would just be easier to crawl into a hole somewhere. I *know* God loves me and that He will take care of me and my kids and that somewhere down the road I will be a much better and stronger man than I am right now because of this. I *know* that we can get stuck between what we feel and what we know, and that we have to be careful not to let what we feel take over.
> 
> That's where I'm at right now. I know all of those things - I feel like I know all the answers. I do, in fact, know a lot of them. But I feel like I don't have the capacity to hold on to those things. I feel like a failure. I feel like a moron. I feel like "Mr. Big & Bad Lean Mean Preaching Machine thinks he's going to help other people with their lives and problems but he couldn't even keep his marriage together".
> 
> This trend has been going on for about 4 months and has progressively gotten worse as everything I do has made no difference. I have made zero progress in my Bachelor's program (BA in Ministry) because I feel like I'm not worthy of it. My ministry (website) has also fallen by the wayside because I feel like I'm not good enough to run it.
> 
> Basically, I feel like everything I've been standing for is a lie. I know that deep down I don't think it is - but right now that's how I feel. I don't know what to do or where to turn, and even though I *know* He wants me to, I can't even bring myself to pray right now because I feel like I really screwed the pooch on God's plan for me.
> 
> I have Proverbs 24:10 (Basically if you give up when there's trouble, you're a wuss) tattooed on my left arm, and I keep looking at it and shaking my head thinking, "Yeah, you're a real hard a** now, aren't you?"
> 
> I don't even know where I'm going with this. Somebody help me out. Pray for me. Something. Thanks for letting me rant.


Use your testimony, life happens...


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## over20

NovellaBiers said:


> God hates us all.


False. Christ's blood has redeemed us. God loves us all.


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## over20

RoninJedi said:


> I know everyone says this, but I'm sorry for the length. I think this is more of a vent than anything.
> 
> I am a Christian, I'm a pastor, and I have spent years being a grade A a-hole when people have come to me with their marriage problems and wanting to walk away. I have told them repeatedly that they have to bust their butt to make it work no matter what, that no one ever says life is fair, that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy but we don't deserve it (I speak biblically here - meaning the only thing we as sinners deserve is death - not going to debate this point right now, though).
> 
> I've been through infidelity in my marriage numerous times, and I never left and it was hell on earth but I came through it and my marriage was better than ever.
> 
> At least I thought it was.
> 
> Now I find out it's over. She's been emotionally checked out for months and I've done everything I can. I know a lot of people say that, but I really mean it. I found out today because basically I kept pestering her to cut the crap and tell me what's wrong. She just didn't want to tell me before Christmas because she didn't want that being messed up for the kids (we have 3).
> 
> So now, I'm a few months away from being a divorced father of 3 at 29 years old, I work 2nd shift (3pm-11pm) with no chance at all of altering that - so I have no idea what I'll do for child care. I'm going to have to move, buy furniture, the whole nine yards. Basically this is going to wipe me out physically, emotionally, and financially.
> 
> So now I find myself in the shoes of all those people I've talked to before, and pardon me but I feel like a ****weed - because I feel like there's no way in hell this will ever improve. I have to do right by my kids but I don't see a way to do that.
> 
> But I'm the guy that has all the answers, right? I *know* life gets hard, and it's not fair, and sometimes you feel like it would just be easier to crawl into a hole somewhere. I *know* God loves me and that He will take care of me and my kids and that somewhere down the road I will be a much better and stronger man than I am right now because of this. I *know* that we can get stuck between what we feel and what we know, and that we have to be careful not to let what we feel take over.
> 
> That's where I'm at right now. I know all of those things - I feel like I know all the answers. I do, in fact, know a lot of them. But I feel like I don't have the capacity to hold on to those things. I feel like a failure. I feel like a moron. I feel like "Mr. Big & Bad Lean Mean Preaching Machine thinks he's going to help other people with their lives and problems but he couldn't even keep his marriage together".
> 
> This trend has been going on for about 4 months and has progressively gotten worse as everything I do has made no difference. I have made zero progress in my Bachelor's program (BA in Ministry) because I feel like I'm not worthy of it. My ministry (website) has also fallen by the wayside because I feel like I'm not good enough to run it.
> 
> Basically, I feel like everything I've been standing for is a lie. I know that deep down I don't think it is - but right now that's how I feel. I don't know what to do or where to turn, and even though I *know* He wants me to, I can't even bring myself to pray right now because I feel like I really screwed the pooch on God's plan for me.
> 
> I have Proverbs 24:10 (Basically if you give up when there's trouble, you're a wuss) tattooed on my left arm, and I keep looking at it and shaking my head thinking, "Yeah, you're a real hard a** now, aren't you?"
> 
> I don't even know where I'm going with this. Somebody help me out. Pray for me. Something. Thanks for letting me rant.


Do you have a support group? Maybe other pastor's or district bishop's that can help? Contact Focus on the Family or Weekend to Remember by Family Life. 

You said your wife is checked out, did she initiate the separation?

ray:rayrayers to you brother in Christ


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## sahtrader

I know it does not change the difficult circumstances but ultimately your wife is responsible for her decisions. No matter how much effort you expend to change her mind one way or another, she's going to do what she is going to do. God is all powerful and all, but if He issues a command it's up to me to obey it or not. I may not necessarily have all the answers in response to human suffering (who does?) but sometimes the best counsel people can receive isn't more jargon and theological treatises but just a listening ear and caring actions. I wouldn't take your wife's actions as a sign of your incompetence as a pastor. That's kind of like saying God is incompetent at being God because He has a whole world full of sinners. Sometimes the best we could do is mitigate some of the effects of suffering and thank God for the good things we do have.


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## Amplexor

Zombie thread. Closed.


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