# There is a bias against males in this forum



## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

If a woman is not getting her needs met, the guy is an a-hole and she should divorce him.

If a man is not getting his needs met, he must be doing something wrong. He needs to read 10 different e books and apply the methods. If it doesn't work and he leaves, then he is a-hole who didn't try hard enough. 

sheeesh!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Is that why everyone hates me here?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

According to you, if a woman is not getting her needs met, she first needs to actively seek a replacement, fall in love with them, then divorce him. And, continue to blame him for not getting her needs met. All the while, proclaiming that the other man had nothing to do with her divorcing her husband while she moves in with her lover.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

the guy said:


> Is that why everyone hates me here?


:lol:


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> According to you, if a woman is not getting her needs met, she first needs to actively seek a replacement, fall in love with them, then divorce him. And, continue to blame him for not getting her needs met. All the while, proclaiming that the other man had nothing to do with her divorcing her husband while she moves in with her lover.










you could give a headache to an aspirin


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Cobalt said:


> you could give a headache to an aspirin


Thank you. And, you could give a low libido to a wife.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Thank you. And, you could give a low libido to a wife.


:lol: that was actually funny!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think that bias has some healthy play here but it crosses genders. I have seen women be very critical of another woman's behavior and men in sexless marriages make excuses for their wife and even go after other men in a similar fashion to what you have stated.

I think the bias is there but not specifically perpetrated by women.

Love the aspirin and libido comments!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

All us BOBs (bitter old broads/ba&tards) do our best to entertain.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Yeah, I can see some bias going on here. I count my blessings that I was raised by my father. As a rule, I've related better to men than women. Although last time I looked, yeah, I'm definitely a female.

I don't have a bias against males on TAM. At least, I don't think I do. Correct me if I'm wrong.

What I do see far more often on the threads to which I respond is women moaning, groaning, whining, and complaining ad nauseum ... blah, blah, blah ... as to what a sh!thead they have for a husband.

But darned if they will leave. 

I've seen some of them make attempts to be self-professed "experts" on their husbands' personality disorders, dysfunctional behaviors, and everything else under the sum.

But darned if they will leave.

I'd just love to hear the husband's side of things when I read those type of posts. Seriously.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Women are controlling, don't say what they really want, bait and switch, if she's unhappy it's because she wants to monkey vine from one guy to the next if she's not already cheating, which she probably is. 

There is bias towards women too.


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## SweetAndSour (Feb 25, 2012)

Just the opposite Cobalt,

Visit infidelity section.

Your story fits better there.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I don't necessarily agree, Slowly. I see women who want to make their men a project. They want to complain, but won't leave. They want to dissect the guy's issues, but won't own their issues or fess up to the fact that they are inappropriately involved in someone else's problems.

Seems to me that a lot of women here come across, from my perspective, as seeming to know what is best for the relationship, what will work best for their husband, and then they just come on here and b!tch continually.

Frankly, I feel sorry for the men. 

I was very unhappy with my husband as his addiction took over. Heck, I could have gone out and cheated on him all I wished, particularly when he was passed out drunk most of the weekend.

But I never cheated. I never sought out another man. That doesn't make me noble, or better, or morally superior. I think it means I have morals. 

JMO.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

SweetAndSour said:


> Just the opposite Cobalt,
> 
> Visit infidelity section.
> 
> Your story fits better there.


you're boring me


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Prodigal said:


> I don't necessarily agree, Slowly. I see women who want to make their men a project. They want to complain, but won't leave. They want to dissect the guy's issues, but won't own their issues or fess up to the fact that they are inappropriately involved in someone else's problems.
> 
> Seems to me that a lot of women here come across, from my perspective, as seeming to know what is best for the relationship, what will work best for their husband, and then they just come on here and b!tch continually.


Eh, I've seen b*tching and dissecting on both sides, can't say I notice it more in one gender than the other. But those examples weren't my own thoughts, I was saying those are some of the opinions I've seen about women on this forum.


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

I think this forum is actually male dominated.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cobalt said:


> you're boring me


LOL... apparently not!


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

Crudeness and sarcasm generally have unfavorable responses. As a general rule woman will try everything they can think of without losing their sense of self before seeking divorce. As a rule society accepts a man who works and pays the bills to be "doing his part" despite other things that he may be contributing to the demise of the marriage. *shrug*


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Oh gah. Seriously? It's 50/50 here on which gender gets p*ssed on more. I tend to side with the guys more often than not.

You're mad because people here called you out with your other woman. 

Most of those women in your threads have told you the wife keeping sex from you wasn't right. The thing they have a problem with is your other woman. 

And they do advise women to "man up". There have been a few threads of women coming on here and saying they didn't have sex with their H for such and such reason. The people on this forum told those ladies to shape up or get out. 

There was a thread, search for it if you want, something titled like "withholding sex good or bad" It was several pages long of debate on whether or not this is an issue. Most of the ladies there would say that withholding for long periods of time is WRONG and it's on the woman to say what she needs in order to fix it. 

If you're wrong, the people here won't hesitate to tell you....no matter if your guy, girl, sasquatch, or old greg (youtube it - funny). We don't care.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think you are the one with a bias coupled with a sense of entitlement, anger problems and thinking your reality is unassailable. It has nothing to do with what anyone has said to you. Your other thread shows a bias towards anyone who apposes you. You cheat and show zero remorse and little desire to avoid the disruption to your family. Does that sound like a man who cares about his family and trying to recapture the love of his wife to you? 

Maybe it would help to think of your children and show a little compassion and empathy for them if you can find it in yourself. Giving away the emotional involvement they need to a woman who has means nothing except an ego stroke seems selfish, no? I doubt your wife feels safe to open herself up if you are anything like you are on this forum. She is right to protect herself, any person with self respect would do the same. 

An alternative explanation for your troubles is that your wife, for no reason, has distanced herself from you, even though you are perfect. She should post and give her side of the story. Maybe she will find that she is the one who should seriously consider D or look forward to a miserable life. Some personality traits are fixed and cannot be changed. Just D and relieve her and yourself from this unhappy union. Its less disruptive than cheating.

I rose to your bait, which is the reason for the thread. I think you thrive on disagreement. So there, feed on it and raise to the bait. Block me if you have not already. Maybe you should not be so predictable and easy to manipulate. Think about what I said.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

There's a bias here favoring cobalt, at least in his mind. When he cheats it's because his wife is a meanie who won't give it up to her saint of a hb, while everyone else who cheats is a pos. Leave your wife and give ow a try, but remember that you guys will have to leave rainbow and unicorn land and deal with each others sh!t. See how it goes down then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

If you're talking about sex in marriage then I'm going to be a bit guilty of exactly what you accuse.

If a woman isn't getting enough at home to satisfy her chances of "marrying up" for more sex is really good. More than half of the men out there would be more than happy to have a wife that loves sex.

A dude on the other hand doesn't have that likelihood. He most likely ends up in the same boat he's now in if he doesn't change himself.

EDIT TO ADD: I just read your update Cobalt. Please don't take what I just posted to apply to you. You have tried, and your wife hasn't changed. I think a guy should linger longer before pulling the plug because of a lack of sex. That doesn't mean staying forever. You reached your limit, and you're not going to get criticism from me.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> Oh gah. Seriously? It's 50/50 here on which gender gets p*ssed on more. I tend to side with the guys more often than not.
> 
> You're mad because people here called you out with your other woman.
> 
> ...














Catherine602 said:


> I think you are the one with a bias coupled with a sense of entitlement, anger problems and thinking your reality is unassailable. It has nothing to do with what anyone has said to you. Your other thread shows a bias towards anyone who apposes you. You cheat and show zero remorse and little desire to avoid the disruption to your family. Does that sound like a man who cares about his family and trying to recapture the love of his wife to you?
> 
> Maybe it would help to think of your children and show a little compassion and empathy for them if you can find it in yourself. Giving away the emotional involvement they need to a woman who has means nothing except an ego stroke seems selfish, no? I doubt your wife feels safe to open herself up if you are anything like you are on this forum. She is right to protect herself, any person with self respect would do the same.
> 
> ...














lifeistooshort said:


> There's a bias here favoring cobalt, at least in his mind. When he cheats it's because his wife is a meanie who won't give it up to her saint of a hb, while everyone else who cheats is a pos. Leave your wife and give ow a try, but remember that you guys will have to leave rainbow and unicorn land and deal with each others sh!t. See how it goes down then.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yeah but at least we won't be married :smthumbup:



badsanta said:


> Cobalt,
> 
> I'll start being extra sweet to you if you really need me to?
> 
> ...














larry.gray said:


> If you're talking about sex in marriage then I'm going to be a bit guilty of exactly what you accuse.
> 
> If a woman isn't getting enough at home to satisfy her chances of "marrying up" for more sex is really good. More than half of the men out there would be more than happy to have a wife that loves sex.
> 
> A dude on the other hand doesn't have that likelihood. He most likely ends up in the same boat he's now in if he doesn't change himself.


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## JNL0412 (Feb 2, 2015)

I'm a woman, but I'd have to agree with you. There are different standards set for men than for women. And I've see many a time, some women will gang up with eachother and bash men. Of course, men are not allowed to do this as it would be sexist, and those men would definitely be A-holes.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Thank you. And, you could give a low libido to a wife.



He already did.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

He's going to save one marriage and make one woman very happy. The OW is going freak and run to her husband when she finds out perfection is headed her way.  His wife will be relived to see his back for the last time. 

He'l have to find some other "broad to bang". They are lined up waiting to service a raging, disrespectful stud. He may be lucky to get in three words of his pick-up line before she walks away in utter disgust.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I do find it funny and hypocritical that people say leave before you cheat and yet every time a man leaves for that reason the same people turn on him. Doesn't apply to cobalt obviously since he cheated first. But I have little doubt the usual suspects would have reacted the same way had he dumped his withholding wife without cheating.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I do find it funny and hypocritical that people say leave before you cheat and yet every time a man leaves for that reason the same people turn on him. Doesn't apply to cobalt obviously since he cheated first. But I have little doubt the usual suspects would have reacted the same way had he dumped his withholding wife without cheating.


Thank you
:iagree::iagree::iagree:
There comes a point.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Sorry about that dumb @ss call by the football coach listening to kjr.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Ya, sucks. But I still love my Hawks! It was a great game.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Ya, sucks. But I still love my Hawks! It was a great game.


Yeah but that one was big they had that game but tried to be way too cute.
Argh!!!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

And I have seen both. I have seen some females ops get attacked for dating while getting divorced. People ignored the fact that her husband is abusive. I have seen even neglect as a vow to stay for the for worse part. It is everyone's biases here. I don't find marriage sanctimonious. Far from it. Views on marriage depends on culture, religion, parental examples, and some societies do not have marriages. I read a story online about a couple married for 50 years, and the only reason why they stayed together was because of their religious beliefs. If there was no abuse, abandonment, or adultry, then you cannot divorce. So they live miserable for 50 years, waiting for the other to die. Their religion played a role on how they viewed marriage.

Really, it depends on the poster involved. I have seen both. People are selective on what they want to see and hear sometimes.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

There is a definite bias against males on TAM. On certain subjects.

There is a definite bias against females on TAM. On certain subjects.

It's equal opportunity stereotyping for all! YaY! :smthumbup:


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

If it appears there is a bias in favor of women it's probably due to the fact that a majority of users are female. 

I think it's outweighed by the general sexism of the male users, though.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

People didn't turn on him because he left his wife. He deceived his wife, stole time from his children and risked leaving his family in turmoil. 

I dont understand why he is getting support. He does say some of the hateful low brow things that are common with angry men - assuming that woman who don't agree with him are old and bitter. A woman getting old is a problem? He made it clear that woman are broads to bang. Why would his wife have sex with a man like that?

I am gland he decided to D. His wife sex drive will wake up once he is gone. Maybe she will find some young men to bang.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Catherine I said it doesn't apply to him since he cheated. But many men leaving their withholding wives have been attacked here even without cheating. They have been blamed and called out over and over. And this is done by the same hypocrites who say never cheat, divorce first.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Zanne.

'Nuff said...?

Anyway, imagine this scenario...

_"Hey everyone, I'm new here and need advice. I've been in a sexless marriage for a while now, and I don't know what to do about it. My wife won't let the past go..."

"Do you think it's possible for men and women to be friends? I only ask because I've recently become friendly w/ another woman who is also having problems in her marriage."

"OK, look... it's not what you think. And I'm getting pretty tired of all these accusations! Yeah, she's married... so what?!? It's not like I'm getting any emotional fulfillment from my wife! How does this 'Ignore' function work?"

"OK, so it's what you all thought it was. We've developed feelings for each other, but it's cool because we're ending it. Geez I wish my wife were more like her."

"OK, so we didn't end it. And now we've met up. Geez I hate my wife. Also, her husband sounds like a d**che. Doesn't matter anyway, it's not like we're going to run off together or anything..."

"OK, so she's moved out and gotten her own place, and next week I'm leaving my wife for her. You all suck. Now cower before a torrent of memes!"_

^That^ is more or less the story that has unfolded over the course of 3 threads.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Zanne.
> 
> 'Nuff said...?
> 
> ...


Vladek Filler files suit due to false allegations


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

QFT

Catherine,
Cobalt reminds me of that quote:
He'd rather look good and lose than look bad and win (save his marriage)

He was very guarded about what HE was doing that caused the marriage to fall apart. 

And super defensive when criticized about his affair, or anything else. 

Instead of going head to head with his wife - a painful and scary 
Process - he found a playmate....





Catherine602 said:


> I think you are the one with a bias coupled with a sense of entitlement, anger problems and thinking your reality is unassailable. It has nothing to do with what anyone has said to you. Your other thread shows a bias towards anyone who apposes you. You cheat and show zero remorse and little desire to avoid the disruption to your family. Does that sound like a man who cares about his family and trying to recapture the love of his wife to you?
> 
> Maybe it would help to think of your children and show a little compassion and empathy for them if you can find it in yourself. Giving away the emotional involvement they need to a woman who has means nothing except an ego stroke seems selfish, no? I doubt your wife feels safe to open herself up if you are anything like you are on this forum. She is right to protect herself, any person with self respect would do the same.
> 
> ...


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Cobalt said:


> yeah but at least we won't be married :smthumbup:



And this post just made everyone see why your wife will not **** you...it is because you are a total ****ing a$$hole.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

If you really self reflect and listen to the long time posters then there is not much bias in my opinion.

If you listen to the angry new posters who are bitter then yes there is a lot of bias. 

you see it take awhile to really think through whats going on and own your part in the relationship. and sometimes its not pretty to realize you have to foot some of the blame for a failed relationship.

Then again there is also people who are so caught up in their problems that they rationalize there poor behavior........I'm going to cheat because I'm not getting as much sex or romance so instead of working thorught it and trying they decide to cheat instead of making some super tough life choices which might entail a fair bit of pain and suffering.

JMHO


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Catherine I said it doesn't apply to him since he cheated. But many men leaving their withholding wives have been attacked here even without cheating. They have been blamed and called out over and over. And this is done by the same hypocrites who say never cheat, divorce first.


Works both ways. women are told to leave jerks and divorce honorably, yet every time a guy comes on crying that his wife left him but admits he treated her poorly he's told to dig because she must have someone else, since that's the only reason women leave marriages.

And I have never, ever seen a woman be cheered on for leaving her hb for another man, even if he's been a d0uche or refused sex. Especially without telling him about om. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

batsociety said:


> If it appears there is a bias in favor of women it's probably due to the fact that a majority of users are female.
> 
> I think it's outweighed by the general sexism of the male users, though.



I have no idea where you get this. Read a bunch of threads and you will see that the are a whole lot more men on tam.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I have noticed something interesting...

In the past few years, I've had the displeasure of seeing two close couples break up to infidelity.

One where the woman cheated, one where the man cheated. An interesting thing did happen...

When the woman cheated, other women did, in fact, rally behind the woman supporting her... for a time. Later on, this same woman was ostracised for various reasons that led back to her cheating on her husband. Not the least of which was that none of the other women would trust her around their husbands, even when she owned up to her mistake.

Now, when the guy cheated (different marriage) all the men (including me) beat the crap out of him verbally. Publically he was humiliated. But, later on, we mostly supported him as he realized his mistake and even though he ruined his marriage, he owned up to his failure and tried to regain his sense of honour.

Sample size of 1, so I wouldn't call it a trend. Every situation is different. But what I found enlightening was that with the guy, he took his beats early on but got support later, and the woman got support early on but took her beats later.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that situations may not always be clear cut, and there may be gender variations, but you can't escape karma.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't support Cobalt in his cheating. I was only commenting on the OP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I told him from the beginning that his wife not having sex with him was wrong. If he needed to leave because of that, go right ahead. But people were asking him questions, in hopes of maybe trying to get both sides of the fence and trying to see if there was anything obvious that people at TAM had seen before. If so, TAM could offer some advice - and TAM did. 

What happened with Cobalt was he deflected questions, called people names, told people he was putting them on ignore because they challenged him about his new "friend". *He didn't want help when he came here. He had it in his head that he was done with his marriage.* His wife just didn't know it. 

He was clearly involved with another woman. He wasn't trying to fix his marriage like he claimed he had been. How could he with another woman in play? So, People that responded to him said, "look get the other woman out of the picture for a bit and see if you can work with your wife." He didn't get rid of the other woman. So, that leads people to assume (and I know that's bad, but it's really all we can do here), that he really hadn't given it 100%. 

So, why was he here? He was trying to justify leaving his wife for this other woman. He was conflicted, I think, at first. When he got a few guys rallying behind him, that is what he needed to go ahead and do it. 

Now, he is moving in with his girlfriend. 

The problem a lot of posters had was that he was clearly involved with another woman and absolutely dismissing anyone who challenged that. 

He's calling it bias because he was called out.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

The fact of the matter is that most people come here trying to GET their spouse to do something. In the Sex in Marriage subforum, it is frequently men looking to get their wives into sex with them. No one on this forum can help you get your spouse to do anything. The only person anyone can change is themselves.

You see drive talked about time and time again as if it is obvious as the nose on one's face that drive is all there is to it. Well it isn't. If your (the rhetorical your) wife doesn't want to have sex with you, it is likely YOU that she does not want to have sex with. And there is probably a REASON be it resentment or whatever. Guys don't want to hear this. They don't want to hear what THEY can do to understand the root cause. They want to here how to GET their wives to give it up.

This what looks like bias is actually just effective advice given to unreceptive posters.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

NobodySpecial said:


> The fact of the matter is that most people come here trying to GET their spouse to do something. In the Sex in Marriage subforum, it is frequently men looking to get their wives into sex with them. No one on this forum can help you get your spouse to do anything. The only person anyone can change is themselves.
> 
> You see drive talked about time and time again as if it is obvious as the nose on one's face that drive is all there is to it. Well it isn't. If your (the rhetorical your) wife doesn't want to have sex with you, it is likely YOU that she does not want to have sex with. And there is probably a REASON be it resentment or whatever. Guys don't want to hear this. They don't want to hear what THEY can do to understand the root cause. They want to here how to GET their wives to give it up.
> 
> This what looks like bias is actually just effective advice given to unreceptive posters.


You can't push on a rope. You have to pull on a rope. 

If you pull on it and it breaks, you need a new rope, but don't blame the rope for not working when you're not pulling on it.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> The fact of the matter is that most people come here trying to GET their spouse to do something. In the Sex in Marriage subforum, it is frequently men looking to get their wives into sex with them. No one on this forum can help you get your spouse to do anything. The only person anyone can change is themselves.
> 
> You see drive talked about time and time again as if it is obvious as the nose on one's face that drive is all there is to it. Well it isn't. If your (the rhetorical your) wife doesn't want to have sex with you, it is likely YOU that she does not want to have sex with. And there is probably a REASON be it resentment or whatever. Guys don't want to hear this. They don't want to hear what THEY can do to understand the root cause. They want to here how to GET their wives to give it up.
> 
> This what looks like bias is actually just effective advice given to unreceptive posters.


Yup. Bias is in the eye of the beholder. The average SIM guy gets different advice from the ladies (rub her feet with oxytocin cream) and from the guys (stop being a beta puss-cake!). They'll be naturally inclined to agree with one side or the other, and the losing side is viewed as bias. Or B.S.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I notice a distinct bias against trolling on this forum.

:lol:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I've been thinking about this thread and what happened to Cobalt. I feel bad that I said the things I did. If you read his early thread, he started out sounding nothing like he did before he left. It seems he spun out of control with frustration and anger. 

TAM is unusual place. There is an unusually high proportion of men. Men don't usually go to the doctor and they usually don't ask for help and they don't pour their hearts out on forums. Somehow, they found their way here and feel comfortable enough to post. Probably because there are other men here. Even though I get angry sometimes, I love it that so many men have amassed and can say what they feel.

Many of you guys sound like my husband and and his reprobate friends when they get together and they think I don't hear them. They say a lot of what sounds strange. At lest my husband does not always sound like the man I know when he talks unfiltered to his friends. 

I think a lot of men are being themselves here with no filter. I gained a lot of insight, but some of it is hateful and disrespectful towards women and very hurtful. Naturally women react. 

I doubt if Cobalt left his wife. He would not be so angry if he found a solution. He is stuck and that is why he is enraged and lashing out to make others hurt as much as he does. 

Cobalt- if you are reading, calm down and come back. This is a good place with amazingly helpful people. You have to be patient and the right person will find one of your threads and be helpful. You are not stuck, you are looking at the closed doors and you can't see the open one's. Come back and there will be someone to help you find your way around the mountain you face. .


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

:scratchhead: how did Marduk get to like twice? 
I want to do that too.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> I doubt if Cobalt left his wife. He would not be so angry if he found a solution. He is stuck and that is why he is enraged and lashing out to make others hurt as much as he does.


Wow Catherine, I think you're on to something there.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> The fact of the matter is that most people come here trying to GET their spouse to do something. In the Sex in Marriage subforum, it is frequently men looking to get their wives into sex with them. No one on this forum can help you get your spouse to do anything. The only person anyone can change is themselves.
> 
> You see drive talked about time and time again as if it is obvious as the nose on one's face that drive is all there is to it. Well it isn't. If your (the rhetorical your) wife doesn't want to have sex with you, it is likely YOU that she does not want to have sex with. And there is probably a REASON be it resentment or whatever. Guys don't want to hear this. They don't want to hear what THEY can do to understand the root cause. They want to here how to GET their wives to give it up.
> 
> This what looks like bias is actually just effective advice given to unreceptive posters.


This post should be a board sticky.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Insightful post Catherine. Hope you come back Cobalt. You crack me up!&#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> :scratchhead: how did Marduk get to like twice?
> I want to do that too.


I don't know. Curious Wife did it twice to me once.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Your case is different, you're a chick magnet.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Your case is different, you're a chick magnet.


LOL! That actually made me blush.&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

My science teacher once told me I was a chick magnet--of the same polarity.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

:lol::rofl::lol:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> My science teacher once told me I was a chick magnet--of the same polarity.


Wakka Wakka!&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> :scratchhead: how did Marduk get to like twice?
> I want to do that too.


It happens when you get your secret alpha decoder ring.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

marduk said:


> It happens when you get your secret alpha decoder ring.


I knew someone was stealing my Cracker Jacks!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

marduk said:


> It happens when you get your secret alpha decoder ring.


So I don't get one??  Im sad but, congratulation to you for getting one.


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## imarriedyoung (Jun 11, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I think a lot of men are being themselves here with no filter. I gained a lot of insight, but some of it is hateful and disrespectful towards women and very hurtful. Naturally women react.


"Cobalt" aside... it's much easier to let frustration and hurt to turn to anger and hatred. Just my two cents.


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> The fact of the matter is that most people come here trying to GET their spouse to do something. In the Sex in Marriage subforum, it is frequently men looking to get their wives into sex with them. No one on this forum can help you get your spouse to do anything. The only person anyone can change is themselves.
> 
> You see drive talked about time and time again as if it is obvious as the nose on one's face that drive is all there is to it. Well it isn't. If your (the rhetorical your) wife doesn't want to have sex with you, it is likely YOU that she does not want to have sex with. And there is probably a REASON be it resentment or whatever. *Guys don't want to hear this.* They don't want to hear what THEY can do to understand the root cause. They want to here how to GET their wives to give it up.
> 
> This what looks like bias is actually just effective advice given to unreceptive posters.


You're right, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear all the things I should be doing or not doing that are keeping my wife from wanting to have sex with me. If that's how she feels about me, if I'm falling that short of her expectations, if she doesn't want to have a sex life with me, she shouldn't be in a relationship with me in the first place. You don't get to say "I like you enough to be in a relationship with you, but not enough to have sex with you".

If a woman isn't interested in sex with her husband or boyfriend, she should do the decent thing and leave, or at least tell him in no uncertain terms so he can make an informed decision, rather than letting him suffer until he finally gets so frustrated that he leaves.



imarriedyoung said:


> "Cobalt" aside... it's much easier to let frustration and hurt to turn to anger and hatred. Just my two cents.


As I'm sure my post demonstrates


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Joey2k said:


> You're right, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear all the things I should be doing or not doing that are keeping my wife from wanting to have sex with me. If that's how she feels about me, if I'm falling that short of her expectations, if she doesn't want to have a sex life with me, she shouldn't be in a relationship with me in the first place. You don't get to say "I like you enough to be in a relationship with you, but not enough to have sex with you".
> 
> If a woman isn't interested in sex with her husband or boyfriend, she should do the decent thing and leave, or at least tell him in no uncertain terms so he can make an informed decision, rather than letting him suffer until he finally gets so frustrated that he leaves.
> 
> ...


You're assuming she's conscious of why she's no longer attracted to you.

And willing to admit it to herself or you. 

And that you'd be open to hearing it. 

Listen man, there's all kinds of reasons why women get involved with guys and then shut off sex... Maybe it's something you did, maybe it's a rut you got into, maybe it's resentment, maybe it's biological. Or maybe she was never really into you to begin with. 

But many of those things can be worked on by the one that has the biggest problem with it and is therefore here - and that's usually the one that wants it more and isn't getting it. 

You can rail about it all you like, but nobody here can help someone that isn't here, or doesn't see a problem to begin with, or that won't face it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Joey2k said:


> You're right, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear all the things I should be doing or not doing that are keeping my wife from wanting to have sex with me. If that's how she feels about me, if I'm falling that short of her expectations, if she doesn't want to have a sex life with me, she shouldn't be in a relationship with me in the first place. You don't get to say "I like you enough to be in a relationship with you, but not enough to have sex with you".


I guess it is a two way street. Plenty of people like their spouse enough to have sex with them but not enough to do whatever the other feels is necessary. Plenty of people, men in particular it seems to me, think that showing up in the monkey suit on wedding day entitles him to sex for the rest of his life regardless of whether she feels like he is performing in whatever areas she wan


> If a woman isn't interested in sex with her husband or boyfriend, she should do the decent thing and leave, or at least tell him in no uncertain terms so he can make an informed decision, rather than letting him suffer until he finally gets so frustrated that he leaves.


Why? If he is the one who is unhappy with the lack of sex to the degree that it needs to end, why should she be the one to do it? Perhaps she is looking out for the best interest of the kids or whatever?


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Why? If he is the one who is unhappy with the lack of sex to the degree that it needs to end, why should she be the one to do it? Perhaps she is looking out for the best interest of the kids or whatever?


I agree that ultimately the man (or woman if she's the one who isn't satisfied) is responsible for their own unhappiness if they chooses to stay. But a sex life is understood as being part of a long-term relationship or marriage. Nothing wrong with a non-sexual relationship if that's what both people want, but if that's the case it should be specified up front, because having a sex life is the norm, it's part of the deal. If someone doesn't want that with their partner, then entering or remaining in a relationship with them without letting them know this is dishonest and somewhat fraudulent.


EDIT-For the record (in response to the thread title), I don't see any bias against males here, at least not any more so than in society at large.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Joey2k said:


> I agree that ultimately the man (or woman if she's the one who isn't satisfied) is responsible for their own unhappiness if they chooses to stay. But a sex life is understood as being part of a long-term relationship or marriage.


Understood by whom? Many people understand the following as part of a marriage

- LISTENING - you will hear MANY women unhappy that their man does not listen to them. They ignore whatever they don't feel like dealing with.
- Partnership - in managing full time work, home and kids.
- Romance - not just a boob grab or an ass slap.
- CONFIDENCE and attractiveness - aka opposite of Nice Guy



> Nothing wrong with a non-sexual relationship if that's what both people want, but if that's the case it should be specified up front, because having a sex life is the norm, it's part of the deal.


So is having a lot of other stuff as evidenced above. If a person wants to be lazy and complacent, they ought to say so up front....


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Understood by whom? Many people understand the following as part of a marriage
> 
> - LISTENING - you will hear MANY women unhappy that their man does not listen to them. They ignore whatever they don't feel like dealing with.
> - Partnership - in managing full time work, home and kids.
> ...


I feel I'm making an effort and doing as well as I can in all those things (even when I don't feel like it). Except for the confidence part, which is pretty much shot to hell at this point.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Joey2k said:


> I feel I'm making an effort and doing as well as I can in all *those things *(even when I don't feel like it). Except for the confidence part, which is pretty much shot to hell at this point.


Do you listen to HER things. That was my list. Do you know what is on hers? 

And really in the final analysis, some **** is just broken. But you can learn, for this relationship or the next.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Cobalt said:


> If a woman is not getting her needs met, the guy is an a-hole and she should divorce him.
> 
> If a man is not getting his needs met, he must be doing something wrong. He needs to read 10 different e books and apply the methods. If it doesn't work and he leaves, then he is a-hole who didn't try hard enough.
> 
> sheeesh!


Yes, there is a bias just as you described here. But its only from a small handful of women, not the majority of them by far.

To be fair, there are some men that have a bias here as well, again, a small handful of them and not the majority by far.

Having said that, in conjunction with the thread title, my favorite is that the man should humble himself to his cheating wife, meet her deepest emotional needs to keep her from cheating....and basically, its his fault she cheated. While same poster's default advise to women of cheating men is to not take them back.


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