# Where has the compassion gone?



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Two young men, both just turned 25, move into a townhouse complex as roommates. They have known each other since they were 5.

One has come out of rehab for drug use (J), one has an autistic spectrum disorder (M). J wants to move away from the town where he was on drugs to escape any temptation from old friends. M wants to live independently.

They are in the unit for 1 week, when J has a psychotic episode where he cannot be calmed by M, so an ambulance is called to assist. In Australia, when an ambulance is called for a patient with a mental issue, the police also attend.

J is taken and treated, his medication is adjusted and he is returned to the complex by the ambulance. As this all occurred in the middle of the night, J hand writes letters of apology to the other 4 unit occupiers for any disturbance he may have caused. Three of the units accept this graciously, their neighbouring unit, a middle aged single woman does not.

This woman then begins to contact the rental agency, making non-stop complaints about the boys. The rental agency then begins to send them breach notices saying they are using drugs in the unit, disturbing the peace and damaging the walls. All of which are not true and unsubstantiated. 

M is our son. At this point we step in as I used to work in property management and I can see what the agent is doing is not legal. The notices she was sending were non compliant and her behaviour was outrageous, as there was no basis for her actions.

M does smoke cigarettes, and he was standing out front of the complex doing this, and he had been advised that it was ok to smoke there. I will also say that M has long hair and J has a shaved head. They are both over 6' and sturdily built. Neither has tattoos, and both dress neatly.

The boys went to see the agent, along with me, and they offered to take a drug test for her. We asked about the damage to the unit (there was none), she would not confirm where her information came from. She stated, in front of many witnesses, that she wanted them out of the unit, no matter what. 

I lodged a complaint against the agency, as well as sent the principal of the agency an email listing the areas that his agent had operated outside of the legislation (I know the property management code backwards, compliance was my area of expertise when I was in the industry). Once they were contacted by the relevant authorities and I said that we were going to sue them for harassment, the agency had no option but to accept our terms. These terms were that the boys could move out over the next two weeks, the lease would be set aside and there would be no financial penalty.

The stress and anxiety this has caused the two boys is severe. Both have poor coping skills, and are process of developing new ones, in particular J, who had illegal drugs in the past to turn to. M tended to drink alcohol, but he has stopped that. I am taking M to the doctor today, to see if he can get some medication to help him calm down and sleep again.

J will have to go back to the town he came from, with his parents, M will come back with us. All of this because one neighbour would rather make value judgements based on appearance and a one off incident.

Where has the compassion gone? Why are we all so unwilling to give people a chance? 

I am seriously considering writing a letter to the neighbour and leaving it in her mailbox when we are finished with the unit. Maybe she will understand the havoc she wreaked in these two families, maybe she will dismiss the letter as the ravings of a crazy parent. I don't know, but I do know I have learnt a lesson through this, and I will not be so quick to judge in the future.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I can see both sides of this argument. As a relative of a mental health patient (in Australia) Schizophrenia and drug addiction, I have seen the devastating lows these people can plummet to, and been witness to the rage during a psychotic break. It is not pleasant.

I was once also a singe woman living alone.

If I was in a block of units, even now, in that situation I would feel uneasy. Not out of ignorance, but direct experience.

I can honestly see both sides to this, and there's just no easy answer I'm afraid 

Our Government is a disgrace when it comes to Mental Health and Disability. Both sectors need large amounts of additional funding to raise the standards, and then ongoing to maintain them.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

frusdil said:


> I can see both sides of this argument. As a relative of a mental health patient (in Australia) Schizophrenia and drug addiction, I have seen the devastating lows these people can plummet to, and been witness to the rage during a psychotic break. It is not pleasant.
> 
> I was once also a singe woman living alone.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Whilst I agree that we need more compassion in Society, I can also see two sides to this case.

I live alone in an apartment block, and last year a special needs couple moved into the apartment above me. Previously they had lived separately in sheltered accommodation, but as a couple it was considered feasible that they could live independently.

When they first moved in, my SO and I bent over backwards to make them feel at home. We gave them the odd piece of furniture, my SO helped them with the odd bit of DIY and we even gave the young woman a birthday cake and gift for her birthday. However, once they settled in, problems started to arise...

The young man started playing excessively loud heavy metal music for up to 5 - 6 hours a day, making my studies, watching TV or listening to my own music absolutely impossible. We spoke to them on many occasions about this, but a day or two later the hellish noise would start again.

I eventually had to speak with their landlord, and several meetings were held in an attempt to help the couple play their music at an acceptable level (the landlord even putting up notices in their apartment reminding them what the acceptable volume was). Their special needs, however, were the main focus, despite the fact that my home life had become hell on earth and I had developed insomnia, anxiety and depression.

In the end, I had no alternative but to call in the local council. They put sound recording equipment in my apartment, then promptly slapped a Noise Abatement Order on the couple. The noise still persisted and it was only after the council had a meeting with the landlord, the couple and the young man's father, and I threatened to sue the lot of them, that the matter was (after over a year) resolved. 

There is a lot more to this story, however. The couple made false allegations of harassment against my SO (which were quickly dealt with by me), and endeavoured to play on the sympathies of others elsewhere in the apartment block. Their constant refrain being "We're special needs, and the Cosmoses are being mean to us." 

The couple are still living here (it was never my intention or desire to have them evicted), but it was over a year of absolute living hell.

I am a caring and compassionate person, but I have my limits.

Edited to add: Bellavista, I hope this doesn't come off as dismissive of the plight your son finds himself in. I'm sorry he's going through this, as many autistic folk manage to live very successful and peaceful lives. As Mavash said, unfortunately he's getting painted with same brush the neighbour is using on his friend.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I think the issue is with J not your son. Autism is one thing. Just out of rehab for drug addiction is something completely different. I too know first hand how bad that can be.

The neighbor however doesn't see the distinction. M is guilty by association.

I feel bad for you because I have an autistic son. I could so see something like this happening to him.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

So true Mavash. In my relatives case, Schizophrenia in and of itself was manageable, and Schizophrenic patients are far more of a risk to themselves than others. That wasn't the problem. It was the drug addiction and the ensuing clash with the Schizophrenia meds and resulting chaos that was the problem


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

More kids are being diagnosed with autism this year than AIDS, diabetes and cancer combined. These children will all have to live somewhere. 
Your son being able to live independently is awesome. Hopefully he finds a better place to live.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

M went to the doctors and has been given valium to help him calm down when he has a panic attack. He recognises this is not a long term solution, however, cognitive therapy will not help him when he has not slept for a week due to anxiety and a panic attack hits. M is aspergers, highly intelligent, but struggles to fit into society.

He will be moving out to a tiny town where my parents live, and where his daughter and her mother have recently moved. In the past it has been a disaster when he has tried to live with this girl, as he needs routine and structure and she is different. They met in school and he rescued her from her terrible family.

Anyway, she is as happy as can be since moving to a huge old house on a large parcel of land in a tiny town. M says he thinks it will work, because he will stay with her during uni holidays, and stay with us for the 2 x 13 week uni terms through the year.

In the meantime, my father, who is retired, will teach them both to drive (he is a driver trainer for semi-trailers, but it is the same principle) and he will put M to work helping him restore their motor home. This will also give M a place to retreat to when the g/f becomes too much for him.

J will be going back with his parents, I hope he can stay away from the bad influences and stay off the drugs.


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