# Should I Be Worried



## Lance1988 (Sep 9, 2021)

My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. Recently, I’ve been working out of town and am seeing my wife only ever couple months. We stay in constant contact texting and phone calls daily. 

Last week, she was in the bridal party of a wedding I could not attend. I accidentally over heard a phone conversation between her and her best friend the next day. It was 100% accidental, she had me checking in on something thought a home security camera and forgot we had been talking. I was doing things around my hotel room and never shut the connection down.

Basically, in this conversation with her best friend she described an “opportunity she almost took”. Apparently the a grooms man felt they had been flirty to the point that he grabbed her hand on the party bus and told her he wanted to have sex with her. Her response was that she “wanted him as well and would do dirty nasty things to him”. This was a conversation had between the two with loud musing playing and drinking so it wasn’t overheard. There was apparently enough sexual tension that some others “may have noticed the tension but, that’s ok.” They separated again on arrival to the reception.

Apparently, at the reception they didn’t actually speak but, danced next to each other and exchanged “glances all night long”. Everyone there knows that she is married and my wife. When it came time to leave, the groomsman was apparently pretty drunk and was put in a truck with the bridal party. My wife did not get in the truck because “ I would have had sex with him if I went”. She then elaborated again on how much she has to contemplate not leaving with him and how hard it was. 

My wife had a hysterectomy several years ago. Since then, our sex life has been tough. Sex is painful at times and she simply doesn’t have the desire or want anymore. We do still have sex, but it’s not that great. 

I just don’t know how worried I should be that she responded to this guys she also wanted to have sex with him. She didn’t go home with him yes, but will something more happen next time im not there? I did confront her about this, she said it was all “**** talk” with her best friend and I never should have heard that. I do agree with this but, I feel responding to a yes that you also want to have sex is a green light for him to try. Is this a huge red flag or am I over playing? It does sting me all the more because of how bad our sex life is, that she told this other man she wanted to do dirty nasty things to him. I’m new to this type of thing, thanks for letting me vent


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

I’d say you should be very concerned.


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## Savannah01 (Sep 8, 2021)

It could be many things , she could just be playing with the idea as fantasizing at the possibilities… men do this a lot , so it’s not uncommon that women do it as well , just not as talked about as men — in any case maybe this is the time to try and society up your intimacy with her , I don’t mean the second part alone , but being intimate and atentive to her — women like the romance of it too — and being that it’s been difficult for you guys as you said , I think that maybe spicing thing a up can help regain your sex life … buy her flowers for no reason , take her out to dinner all those gestures without insinuating sex yet — you sometimes need to bond with us women emotionally . It is a commonly over looked aspect in the general realm of females but it’s true , we crave emotional connections with our partners , we want to feel special , loved , appreciated—- then everything else that follows will be much more welcomed .. hope this helps somewhat , I know it’s not directly about what’s happening but I think like many couples , you guys might just need to liven up your love life …. ❤


Lance1988 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. Recently, I’ve been working out of town and am seeing my wife only ever couple months. We stay in constant contact texting and phone calls daily.
> 
> Last week, she was in the bridal party of a wedding I could not attend. I accidentally over heard a phone conversation between her and her best friend the next day. It was 100% accidental, she had me checking in on something thought a home security camera and forgot we had been talking. I was doing things around my hotel room and never shut the connection down.
> 
> ...


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I wouldn't be worried about that situation at all. I'd be worried about getting some good recent pictures for Facebook and dating sites, figuring out where I was going to park my car and store my stuff while on the road. All the logistical things that come with a divorce.

She went to a social function and basically showed everyone you know she wanted to blow some other guy! While you were out working for her and your family. A lot of them are probably speculating she did. Good luck keeping that going.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

What worries me is you actually asking if you should be worried. It sounds like the the only real reason they didn't have sex that night was because Romeo was too $h1t-faced.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sorry man but the complete lack of respect for you is astonishing. Not to mention she did this in front of people.



> I did confront her about this, she said it was all “**** talk” with her best friend and I never should have heard that.


And that’s supposed to make it ok? Cmon man wake up!

You’re a chump only if you allow it


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Huge breach of trust on her part. There’s no telling what else she may have done while you’ve been gone. Her actions show that you’re not her #1 anymore. She was willing and ready to discard you and your relationship for new D. For me there would be coming back from that. I’d always feel second best and always wonder which guy she wanted to bang next. I’d be considering divorce if it was me. Ymmv.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

jjj858 said:


> Huge breach of trust on her part. There’s no telling what else she may have done while you’ve been gone. Her actions show that you’re not her #1 anymore. She was willing and ready to discard you and your relationship for new D. For me there would be coming back from that. I’d always feel second best and always wonder which guy she wanted to bang next. I’d be considering divorce if it was me. Ymmv.


She doesn’t want sex with you but with others she has the desire? What’s wrong with that picture? And what my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Know this — if he’s sober the next time she sees him, she’ll **** him.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

If I was your friend I'd SLAP you across the face and tell you to WAKE THE F UP!!!!

Should you be "worried"? 

ARE YOU SERIOUS???

No nothing to see here, just your wife wanting to F another man. Move along.

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but if that was my wife, she'd be free to pursue because I would divorce her @$$. 

I'd expect my wife to divorce my @$$ as well if I did this.

Doesn't seem like a big deal to you. Maybe your wife, this guy, and you, can all go bowling together. 

SMDH.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Lance1988 said:


> I did confront her about this, she said it was all “**** talk” with her best friend and I never should have heard that.


She is correct you never should have heard it because SHE NEVER SHOULD HAVE DONE IT.

Tell her that the privacy she expects only works when you have trust -- and she has broken that trust.
Your time apart hasn't been good, and she seems to want to live the single life -- so let her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Before, you had this dry spell, this dearth of intimacy.
Now, you have this nagging fill of doubt.

She claims sex with you has become unpleasant, even painful.
She made no such claim when referring to the Groom's Man.

Yes, sex with him would be nice, and pleasurable.
She wanted it. If sex was unpleasant she would not consider it.
She strongly inferred that.

She told this to her girlfriend, a close confidant.
There likely is no reason she would lie to her, why would she?

Since she felt this comfortable saying these wayward things, you can be sure many other gutter utterences have been shared between these two birds of a feather. 

This friend of hers is toxic to your marriage.
I think this is not your wife's first wayward rodeo.

It was too risky for her to bed this dude during the wedding. 
Too many people around.
Most people at the wedding knew her, and know she's married.

I bet a nickle to a dollar that she is a serial cheat.
For her to (so easily) talk this way to her friend, she has to be sexually active.

Her vagina is in fine working order.
She tells you otherwise so you will leave her alone.

It is just another excuse for her not to be intimate with you.
I suspect, when you are gone she on the hunt. 

She is prime. 
Her own words attest to this.

Have her carefully monitored while you are gone.
Eyes open, mouth shut.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Obviously, you should be worried and, if I were you, I would be furious. 

Thing is, what are you going to do about it? This long distance marriage is obviously taking its toll so 

a) Do you quit your job and move back home? You may lose a lot of money but you will do that if you get divorced? Is your job more important than your marriage? If so, you are probably better off divorcing anyway.

b) Do you say screw this and serve her with divorce papers because that trust is now gone and a lot of people have seen her behaving like a skank?

c) Do nothing, except have those thoughts playing through your head all the tim, have resentment and anger grow, and end in divorce.

Personally, I would tell her just how close to divorce you are and that you are quitting your job because you just can’t trust her anymore. I would also tell her that, because it was her actions that have led to you quitting, you fully expect her to make up any financial shortfalls.


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## Notactuallyme524 (Jul 18, 2021)

Lance1988 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. Recently, I’ve been working out of town and am seeing my wife only ever couple months. We stay in constant contact texting and phone calls daily.
> 
> Last week, she was in the bridal party of a wedding I could not attend. I accidentally over heard a phone conversation between her and her best friend the next day. It was 100% accidental, she had me checking in on something thought a home security camera and forgot we had been talking. I was doing things around my hotel room and never shut the connection down.
> 
> ...


Honestly, yes. In my opinion of course I would be hurt and fearful and couldn’t hide it for long. Being it up as uncomfortable as it is you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable in your marriage in the first place you deserve honestly and an apology.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Yes, you should be very concerned. Even flirting with someone else while you are married is wrong and dangerous. She clearly danced with him and wanted more of him. The nonsense she told you about how it's just talk with her friends is nonsense. She has no reason to say those things unless they are true. 
It's a shame that none of her friends had a strong word with her about what she was playing at. 

She clearly has very weak boundaries with the opposite sex. I wouldnt trust her at all.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Lance1988 said:


> Her response was that she “wanted him as well and would do dirty nasty things to him”.
> ............
> My wife had a hysterectomy several years ago. Since then, our sex life has been tough. Sex is painful at times and she simply doesn’t have the desire or want anymore. We do still have sex, but it’s not that great.


So it's painful to have sex with you, but it seems appealing with another man?
Sounds like 'painful' is just an excuse for her not to have sex with you.
Time for you to start hiding assets IMHO, just in case.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Lance1988 said:


> My wife had a hysterectomy several years ago. Since then, our sex life has been tough. Sex is painful at times and she simply doesn’t have the desire or want anymore. We do still have sex, but it’s not that great.


Don't kill the messenger, but your story doesn't shock me at all. It's pretty common when a partner isn't interested much in sex anymore with their spouse due to hormonal or medical changes - but act completely *different* around someone new. I see that all the time in relationship message boards and "dead bedroom" message boards and it's very common.

If she *really* didn't do anything, then give her 2 points for effort. But honestly? You don't know what she did that night and maybe she just wasn't willing to *admit* anything to the person she was talking to on the phone when you overheard them. I'd do some serious digging before I decide nothing really happened. 

In either event, I'm sorry you've had to take such a big hit to your pride and emotions. 😪


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> She doesn’t want sex with you but with others she has the desire? What’s wrong with that picture? And what my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him?


This is what I was thinking too.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Lance1988 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. Recently, I’ve been working out of town and am seeing my wife only ever couple months. We stay in constant contact texting and phone calls daily.
> 
> Last week, she was in the bridal party of a wedding I could not attend. I accidentally over heard a phone conversation between her and her best friend the next day. It was 100% accidental, she had me checking in on something thought a home security camera and forgot we had been talking. I was doing things around my hotel room and never shut the connection down.
> 
> ...


How would she feel if the roles were reversed, and she overheard you telling a male friend how tempted you were while away on business? Yes IMO it is a huge red flag, made worse by your wife sloughing it off as "just talk". Does she know the guy she was talking about from former times or was she just impressed with him at the wedding?

Also not sure about a hysterectomy being an excuse for anything. My wife has several good friends who have had total hysterectomies( some decades ago ) and she tells me with hormone therapy they are more active and randy than before the operation, I asked her just now if any of them had ever complained of sex being painful and her response was no, the parts they take out have nothing to do with pleasure during sex. Your wife being ok with your sex life being "not that great" is also a red flag, an excuse she is using to get you to leave her alone. A partner owes it to their marriage to address issues affecting intimacy promptly and diligently.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Harold Demure said:


> Obviously, you should be worried and, if I were you, I would be furious.
> 
> Thing is, what are you going to do about it? This long distance marriage is obviously taking its toll so
> 
> ...


No way should he quit his job to do what? Play sex policeman on his wife., Option "b" every time.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Lance1988 said:


> I did confront her about this, she said it was all “**** talk” with her best friend and I never should have heard that.


Well you did hear it, genie's out of the bottle and what is she going to do about it?

Of course you should be worried. She told another guy she wanted to **** him at a wedding.

Tell her that her attempt at minimising what she has done has not worked. Tell her that as far as you are concerned she was prepared to cheat on you and only circumstance prevented that from happening. Tell her that your trust in her has gone and either she she starts getting real about this or it is game over. I wonder if she has been sniggering with her friend that you appear to have bought the whole 'just banter' excuse.

You then need to think about what is best for you right now. Can you even trust her again? Are you prepared for the mental anguish of trying to reconcile with someone who has disrespected you so badly? Remember it is okay to leave someone who betrays you, even if they are remorseful (although your wife hasn't shown any remorse yet - not a good sign).


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> Also not sure about a hysterectomy being an excuse for anything. My wife has several good friends who have had total hysterectomies( some decades ago ) and she tells me with hormone therapy they are more active and randy than before the operation, I asked her just now if any of them had ever complained of sex being painful and her response was no, the parts they take out have nothing to do with pleasure during sex. Your wife being ok with your sex life being "not that great" is also a red flag, an excuse she is using to get you to leave her alone. A partner owes it to their marriage to address issues affecting intimacy promptly and diligently.


Luckily for OP he knows it isn't an excuse for his wife at all as she was prepared to jump the bones of the dude at the wedding. No problem with her libido.

At least OP knows that his sexual relationship issues are because she doesn't want sex with him specifically.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

It tells me your marriage is dead.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Should you be worried? Please tell me you’re not this naive. The wife you think suffers from too much pain to have sex with you was enthusiastically admitting to her friend how badly she wanted to F this OM. I guess she was willing to endure pain to let this guy have her. Then you have the complete disrespect of openly flirting through the whole event. Not a hint of concern if it would get back to you. That’s behavior tells me that it’s probably pretty common for her to act like she’s a single gal. 

When you confronted her she’s got the nerve to tell you that you’re not supposed to be listening? So the problem is that you’re controlling or invading her privacy? If she didn’t do anything with that guy that day, it’s a miracle. A guy is going to tell a married woman that he wants to F her because she’s sending out the available signal. I bet if you check her phone, they have been communicating both before and after the wedding and I would not be surprised if the guy has since had her. 

LD marriage is very hard. Very few can do it for more than a couple of months. You need to decide if you want to move to the job or quit and work locally. This wife is not a trust worthy, I got my man’s back woman. 

If you’re born in 88, you’re way too young to continue to saddle yourself with an adulterous wife. That’s right, she may have not cheated this time but this woman is dying to have painful sex with someone new.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I personally would divorce over this.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Lance1988 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. Recently, I’ve been working out of town and am seeing my wife only ever couple months. We stay in constant contact texting and phone calls daily.
> 
> Last week, she was in the bridal party of a wedding I could not attend. I accidentally over heard a phone conversation between her and her best friend the next day. It was 100% accidental, she had me checking in on something thought a home security camera and forgot we had been talking. I was doing things around my hotel room and never shut the connection down.
> 
> ...


"**** talk" my ass. Yeah, you weren't supposed to hear it, because she didn't want you to know she had the hots for another man.

You need to get through to her about how serious this is. She shouldn't even be joking about having the hots for another man, period! Especially when your own sex life is crap. Just the mere fact that the words, "I would have had sex with him if I went" came out of her mouth is horrifying. The fact that she can even say something like that to her friend says she can't be trusted. She needs to know that she very clearly crossed a line and she can just leave and move in with drunk guy. This would have been the end for me and my wife had she done this to me. It is cheating as far as I'm concerned.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Lance1988 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. Recently, I’ve been working out of town and am seeing my wife only ever couple months. We stay in constant contact texting and phone calls daily.
> 
> Last week, she was in the bridal party of a wedding I could not attend. I accidentally over heard a phone conversation between her and her best friend the next day. It was 100% accidental, she had me checking in on something thought a home security camera and forgot we had been talking. I was doing things around my hotel room and never shut the connection down.
> 
> ...


Should I Be Worried: Well if at this stage you don't understand if you should be worry, then don't worry, what for? you don't get it anyway.



Lance1988 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years.


better to end at the 6 years mark, than at the 15, 20, 30 years mark, because, obviously, the way thing are going for you, you 'll be divorce later on anyway and it will cost you a lot more, plus the wasted time.



Lance1988 said:


> the groomsman was apparently pretty drunk and was put in a truck with the bridal party


This is the only reason why she did not have sex with the dude. He was wasted. Had he been sober enough, he would had done her, guaranteed.



Lance1988 said:


> Sex is painful at times and she simply doesn’t have the desire or want anymore


So that you understand: She doesn't have the desire to have sex WITH YOU!! Get It? with other dudes, apparently is a different story.



Lance1988 said:


> she said it was all “**** talk” with her best friend and I never should have heard that. I do agree with this but,


It was all talk, really? were you just born yesterday? you shouldn't have heard that, and you agreed with this, but? Jesus, dude are you really that much of a passive chump? In a marriage the only privacy that should exist is when in the bathroom, if that for some people. You had all rights and reasons to have listened to the conversation. What, are you just chopped liver? Apparently you need some self respect and dignity to acquire.

You need to up your game, better start now, because you working away for months at the time is just a matter of "when", not "if she will" when she finally does the deed, that is, if she hasn't done it already with another/other dudes. Honestly, is not looking good for you in the long haul.

Honestly, to me, and this is only for me, the moment that I heard that confession out of my wife's mouth, the marriage is over. I would have filed for divorce immediately. No doubts about it.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

The openness of the talk about extra-marital sex with her friend makes me think this isn't the first time they've talked about such things.

Was this recorded on the security cam? If so, keep the recording somewhere, as she will likely deny all this when you confront her about it.

I would stay quiet for a moment and go into re-con mode, VARs, check phone bills etc. You may have found the tip of an iceberg.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

the fact he held her hand, allowed him to ask about sex, glanced to each others all night is cheating same level as an emotional affair. 
the fact that she told her friend is also a big disrespect to you as well


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

and please read and read what 
*Rob_1*
said - he is 100% correct


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

I would simply tell my wife that she should do as she wants. She wants to screw another man and have fun with him, I completely support her wants and I would encourage her to go for it. I would then inform her that she should take all of her stuff with her and never come back.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Marriages where one spouse is gone for their job 90% of the time just don't work. 

Even if you weather this storm, so long as you have this job where you almost never see your wife, you are ripe to be a victim of infidelity. Heck, she may be wondering the same about you.

I'd get a new job if you want to save your marrriage.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I wonder if wife asking him to check caneras while he was away was a test to determine what he wouldnt see? And the call to her friend a test of what he could hear. Sorry, I have a devious mind. Been reading too much on TAM


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Lance1988 said:


> in this conversation with her best friend she described an “opportunity she almost took”.
> ...
> Her response was that she “wanted him as well and would do dirty nasty things to him”.
> ...
> ...


This is the summary of your post, read it again and think, what kind of women does that? Yes, a bold one!
Which leads me to think it's not her first redo!
And most likely she had some previous (if not ongoing) flings!


What worries me the most is this:


Lance1988 said:


> Is this a huge red flag or am I over playing?


If after all of this and you're that naïve, then it's most likely she has already stepped out of your marriage!
She already told you:


> it was all “**** talk” with her best friend


... and you swallowed it like a champ!
You see passive and naïve men like you who don't see the gravity of a situation like this, most likely will always finish last, always lose, they get to pay the full price for something that other men get for free (your wife)!
And before charging in, you need to start digging and find out if she stepped out on you before!
Meaning mouth shut eyes open and start digging!
Nothing will save you unless you open your eyes and take a firm stand and enforce boundaries!

Good luck @Lance1988 you will need it!


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Kaliber said:


> This is the summary of your post, read it again and think, what kind of women does that? Yes, a bold one!
> Which leads me to think it's not her first redo!
> And most likely she had some previous (if not ongoing) flings!
> 
> ...


I just don't see the point of the silent detective in this case. He has all the information he needs to divorce her on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Unless he is in a jurisdiction where adultery affects the financial settlement. And if he is going to stay then what does it matter?


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

This was a gift of "Unintentional VAR" that OP should use to his advantage. If it were me, I would immediately file for divorce. The gift was seeing her real self, vs. the fake mask she puts on to interact with you - allowing you to not spend another day wasting your life with her. What she did was incredibly disgusting and totally disturbing. Sorry to tell you this. I almost threw up reading your post.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

So sorry @Lance1988 this is awful and I know it is probably worse for you with the mind games in your head with no being with your wife. However on thing from this part of your post



Lance1988 said:


> I did confront her about this, she said it was all “**** talk” with her best friend and I never should have heard that. I do agree with this but, I feel responding to a yes that you also want to have sex is a green light for him to try.


My question is after she said you should not have heard that what did she actually say about why she wanted to do these things with the guy and cheat on you and your marriage? Does she understand how you must feel about all this to her your wife say such things and how you will have issues now trusting her?

Some other questions do you have kids? Ages? Length of marriage? Does she work or is a SAHM?
The person she was flirting with is this someone she will ever see again? Is it someone she could hook up with while you are away?

Finally to answer your question "YOU SHOULD BE VERY WORRIED!" I would make it point to let your wife know how upset you are and wrong what she was doing was. I'm just curious what kind of explanation or reasons she gave you for what she did and told her friend. Do let her gaslight you or try and blameshift what she did just because you heard it. Best of luck!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> So sorry @Lance1988 this is awful and I know it is probably worse for you with the mind games in your head with no being with your wife. However on thing from this part of your post
> 
> 
> My question is after she said you should not have heard that what did she actually say about why she wanted to do these things with the guy and cheat on you and your marriage? Does she understand how you must feel about all this to her your wife say such things and how you will have issues now trusting her?
> ...


The more he confronts, the more she will take her activities underground. Keep her guard up. Buy a burner phone, change account passwords, etc. And her explanations as we all know would just be a pack of lies not worth hearing. She already said all he really needs to know, and she already told him she didn't appreciate him listening to her brag to her female friend. They are very likely partners in crime.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

That she was talking about wanting sex with another man isn’t a big deal to her, but you listening to her call is? Typical of the cheater to try and turn the wrong back around on you. Her lack of remorse for that and her indignation about it would lead me to believe she has probably done much more with this guy. She’s in defense mode.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The bad part is OP didn’t know if this was a major problem.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Ouch!! 

That was painful to read even as a stranger on the Internet. 

Should you be worried? I’d be very worried if you were not worried!!

Yes, this is a big issue. And no it’s not just idle chit chat between girls. 

The only thing that kept his junk out of her woohah is he was too drunk and and failed to find a secluded enough to get her away from witnesses. 

Here’s the real rub though - in the big picture, this conversation takes place millions of times across the country between girlfriends every Sunday and Monday morning. 

This is a part of humanity unfortunately. I doubt there are many wedding parties or concerts or town celebrations where there ARENT any married people playing footsie and and making googaly eyes with someone they aren’t supposed to. 

I’m sure most married women past a certain age have had this discussion with a GF at some point in their lives. 

Not all have actually gone through with the deed. 

But most have gave it consideration.

And all have had the opportunities and will continue to have opportunities presented to them until they die. 

It’s part of the human species. It is reality. 

But it’s also a wake up call. A shot across your bow. 

You can sit back and put your blinders on and rest easy in her story it was just girl talk and put your head in the sand (just remember what’s sticking up in the air to get F’d when you bury your head) 

Or you can take this as an opportunity to address the issues in your marriage. 

You can settle for and accept her comforting lies. Or you can address the uncomfortable truth.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

*Should I Be Worried*

Oh yes, as others have said you should be very worried.

Another thing you should be very worried about is how close does this 'charming' groomsman live near to your 'charming' wife? Not that distance matters that much because where there's a will (or a willy in this case) there's a way.

I don't see you mention if you have children or not which could obviously make things more tricky regarding divorce, but your wife has shown by her actions and her own words she is not trustworthy.
She doesn't want sex with you but has no qualms whatsoever in engaging in sex talk (at the very least) and holding hands with other men. Make no mistake many other people at this wedding saw what was going on, hugely disrespectful even if she thought no one would mention it to you. Do you know this other man? Is he married or does he have a partner, if so they need to be informed immediately.

Personally I would come down on her like a ton of bricks, do not stand for this or any of her bs excuses. Get divorce papers drawn up and handed to her to show her you mean business, a divorce can be stopped at any time if you discover after deep digging she hasn't done anything like this before and you know everything about what happened this time. 
I have severe doubts the first time you happened to catch her is the first time she has done anything like this....what are the odds?

Also something needs to change regarding your relationship. Seeing each other only every couple of months is difficult even with full trust. Your wife is not trustworthy and without trust there is no marriage,

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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Lance must not have liked your replies.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

ArthurGPym said:


> Lance must not have liked your replies.


Isn't that the point of coming here to get the unfiltered advice rather than hearing what you want to hear so you end up just kicking the can down the road?!


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Kaliber said:


> Isn't that the point of coming here to get the unfiltered advice rather than hearing what you want to hear so you end up just kicking the can down the road?!


Yep. I just wonder if he'll be back. Hate to see him prolong his suffering.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

ArthurGPym said:


> Yep. I just wonder if he'll be back. Hate to see him prolong his suffering.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Do you really have to ask if you have anything to worry about?

Your sex life sucks since your wife’s hysterectomy. You then over hear her telling a friend that she wanted to **** the hell out of one of the groomsmen. The only reason it didn’t happen is because the guy got so wasted that he had to be loaded into the vehicle. 

The other part is your loving wife telling her girlfriend that she wanted to cheat on you. The disrespect in this alone is off the charts. How would your wife like to hear you telling a friend that she sucks in bed? That for the past so many years it’s like trying to **** a dead fish. 

You have problems. The fact that you have to work away from home and she turns around and talks **** about you is bull ****. Her gushing to a friend about another man when she isn’t really having sex with you any longer is a huge problem. 

You need to decide if she is being truthful or not about the situation. I don’t think she could have been more disrespectful towards you short of actually cheating.


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