# Head Pickled



## 964238 (Jun 22, 2016)

I thought I was a happily married man of 14 years with 4 kids. Life is demanding but we do ok. My family all went out to a local festival and had a good day. My wife and I had plenty to drink but at about 10PM I decided it was too late for kids to be out. My wife refused to come the short walking distance home with me and I went home with kids. I thought nothing more of it as I trusted her and there were mutual friends still there. I got home and fell asleep. I did not walk up until my wife came up to bed at 4AM. I asked where she had been and she stated with some mutual friends, which I thought nothing more of. I then got up in morning and went to get some of our things we had left and bumped into the husband of the couple who my wife said she was with and he stated he had left her at around 23.00. All of our friends had gone at that point. I challenged my wife and she stated she had gone back to a mans house and there were other people there and named one. This quickly changed and she stated that she had been at a males house who she knew from school. She went onto say that when the event closed she had gone into a shelter were we had booze to get another drink. This male came in behind he and they had a drink before he said there were people going back to his. My wife states she was so drunk she struggles to remember what happened next but admits she was 'overly flirting'. I now know this male and he is a friend of a friend who was hanging about all day. He is also a serial womaniser. My wife then states the next thing she remembers is being at this males house having a drink and dancing in the kitchen. Nobody else turned up. At some point he has gone to kiss her and she refused and he said "YOU DONT WANT TO?". My wife then states she left struggling to work out how to as door locked. I managed to establish she actually got to his house for midnight and home at 2.30 but did not come up to bed until 4. This man was married with children and his family were away for the night. I was really not happy and asked question after question. My wife stated that was so drunk she does not really remember what happened but 'would know' if they had had sex. I cannot fathom what they had to talk about for 2- 2/12hrs and she cannot answer it. I have tried my best to believe that she would not have cheated and she has been very remorseful and upset herself. I feel it became more about damage limitation to her reputation. The only thing I can be 100% sure of is that she would not tell me if she had. This male was challenged and I gave him the opportunity to tell me if he had sex with her and it would stay between us and I would not tell his wife. He stated they had a drink and he realised he had a very drunk woman in his house and asked her to leave. I opted not to tell his wife fearing that she would come to my house or tell people and it would look bad on my wife. I have tried and tried to rationalise it all but I can't, these are the main reasons: 1. Flirting happens but why go back to his house? 2. Why at no point phone me or check on kids? 3. She almost had to walk past our house to get to his? 4. Why did she stay when clear nobody coming back? 5. If all friends gone, who did she think would be coming back? 6. What the hell would she have been doing for over 2 hrs? These are eating away at my head, I can't sleep, I can't focus. This woman is everything to me and this has ruined everything, I just don't see her the same. I get to the point where I believe her, and I really want to as I do love her but then I end up back at square one. I have cut out the drink as was making me angry. I just can't seem to sort it in my head. On paper it is a textbook one night stand. I want to believe her but her inability to remember enough detail and the initial lies is undermining it all. Her drunken memory just seems too selective. She says she loves me, she says she did not find him attractive (doubtful and she states she would never cheat on me. I would like to add that I have not let myself go, I am in very good shape for my age. Do you think she had sex with this man but consequences to marriage and reputation too great for her to admit to it? Can this really be put down to a mixture of drunken naivety? Please also note that I am from the UK. We don't do therapy and we do drink alcohol!


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## zzzman99 (Oct 23, 2015)

First, please edit this for paragraphs, hard to read.

Second. You know what she did and what you have to do. 

Sit her down with a pen and paper and tell her to give you the full story now, every detail. Tell her this is her only chance. Tell her that anything you find out after this point will lead to an immediate divorce. If she fails to do this, expose her to your and her family. Regardless, pack her stuff up and move it to another room. Tell her that is where she lives now. Then look up the 180 and being to apply it. Immediately, call the other guys wife and tell her everything. 

Time for you to act like a man instead of a little b___. Earn her respect and you might be able to save your marriage, if you want to.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Second posting of your predicament. The story your W has offered has to many holes. OM W needs to know. Your W knows what happened. She needs to give you the truth.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Do you think she had sex with this man but consequences to marriage and reputation too great for her to admit to it?


Chances are good that she had some sort of sex with the man; a womanizer man is not going to spend hours and hours with a drunken woman without getting some sort of sex IMO. At the very least she enjoyed being at his house with him or she would have left.





> Can this really be put down to a mixture of drunken naivety?


Either way your wife acted very foolishly and put her marriage and children in danger of being very hurt.





> Please also note that I am from the UK. We don't do therapy and we do drink alcohol!


You will be just as foolish as your wife if you do not change both of those immediately. You and your wife need therapy because you both do not know how to prevent disaster in your marriage. In addition, you may have to deal with more disaster because you may find that your wife did a lot more than she told you. It is time for both of you to grow up and forget about youthful foolishness and live a life that works well for the family and especially for you children. *You and your wife’s stupid teenage actions should be cast away forever.*

Both of you get help with your baggage and make your children number one.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

She is using trickle truth on you. Of course she slept with this man. 

Let his wife know...she will find out the truth from her douche bag husband! He took a drunk married woman to their house while she and the kids were away! She will find out what happened in those 2 hours that are unaccounted for at this point.

It is hard to let go of your marriage, but your wife is not wife material anymore. Alcohol did what it does best when you abuse it...it destroys relationships!


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

I agree you need to tell OM's wife.
Don't be afraid of this exposure it could end helping you out by maybe getting more truth and keeping OM away from your wife.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You're worried about her reputation? Geez, you don't think people saw her leave w the guy?
Yes, of course they slapped nasties for a couple of hours. She probably sat for an hour and a half trying to figure out a lie to explain it away and then came to bed with you.

You're going to accept it, rugsweep it, and allow her to do it again because you won't give consequences.
It's a shame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

I would not necessarily throw away a 14 year marriage with kids over one night of drunken stupidity. But I wonder if this really is an isolated incident. I'd rack my brain to see if this is a pattern. I can see getting so drunk you don't know what's going on and end up at someone's house, but I can't see flirting when you're married.

You say you want to protect her reputation but everyone there knows how she was acting and who she left with. Are you sure you're not just wanting to protect yourself from embarrassment by rug sweeping?

I'd push for the truth and do tell the other guys wife - she has a right to know she's married to a womanizer. Ask you wife who "can't remember" to take a polygraph. See how she reacts to that idea.

Is it normal for your wife to get so drunk at a social gathering? And to hang out after you leave? It seems odd to me that you left her there alone if you were both drinking unless that's a common occurrence, in which case she's probably alcoholic so you've got that to worry about too.

If you do stay together I'd have some new ground rules to prevent this kind of disaster from ever happening again.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

@964238: Your wife was with this other man from 11:00pm until at least 2:30am, most of it alone with him in his home. After lying point blank to your face, she was eventually forced to admit that they heavily flirted and then agreed to go to his place. She also admits that he tried to kiss her, yet remained alone with him for hours afterward even when no one else showed up and your home was nearby. The other man lied to you even more claiming that he was not even interested in her, yet invited her to his home and let her stay alone for hours with him. A major study on infidelity showed that in only 3% of the time does the betrayed spouse catch the cheating spouse in the act of having sex, and that in only 7% of the time (which includes the 3%) does the cheater ever admit to having sex even with evidence against them; making the odds of a confession slim to none. Worse yet most cheating takes place with the betrayed spouse never even having a hint that they were cheated on. You know more than the vast majority of betrayed spouses will ever know. You know who, when and were. In places where infidelity is a factor in determining alimony, you have more than enough to make infidelity cost her in such a divorce. For most P.I.s in such cases, the money shots are photos of them enter a place alone together in the middle of the night, and of the cheating spouse leaving hours later. BTW, the 1 1/2 hours between when she claimed to have come home and her going to bed, would have allowed her to clean up after sex and (sorry to be blunt) for most to have dripped out. What more do you need to know in order for you to know that much more happened during those hours alone in his home then him trying to kiss her?

A famous con man once said that you can con anyone into believing the unbelievable as long as the person wants to believe. You want to believe that she did not cheat and are trying to con yourself, but your gut is telling you otherwise.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

The drunk part is true. Going back to his house is true. The part she's leaving out is that within a half hour of being there they were both naked and had sex multiple times over the next two hours. Since there are no witnesses or digital trail, she'll stick by the lies she's telling you come hell or high water. Use the jedi mind trick on her if you know what I mean. Tell her you know things that you don't.


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

It sounds as if she planned to go back to his house. No spouse I know would choose to stay after their spouse was ready to go home. You leave together. I know you want to believe her. Don't.


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## drifter777 (Nov 25, 2013)

You know in your heart that she is lying so move forward as if the other guy told you everything. 

Some people think a drunken ONS is just a stupid mistake and not the same as an affair. I understand that the circumstances are different but the motivation and betrayal are the same. She had sex with him because it was fun, exciting, and if felt good. She knew she was cheating but decided her night of sex was more important than your marriage. She figure you would never find out about it and if you did she would tell you the lies she's telling you now and that you'd get over it. She's a classic cake eater hoping to get off scot-free. 

She will never tell you anything that she believes you cannot verify. Never. More truth will trickle out but it's not right for her to continue to make you suffer through it. Go to the other man and tell him that you want the whole truth from him or you are going to tell his wife the truths that you know. Any wife that hears about what her husband did while she was away with the kids is going to freak out - and he knows it. If you still get bullsh!t from him than go right to his wife and tell her the whole story. Now you have another pissed-off BS working to get the truth and it's inevitable one of them will break.

I understand exactly how you feel right now. The fear of losing the family life you've become accustomed to. The fear of losing your marriage. You love her. You want to believe her bullsh!t story but in your gut you know she's lying. All of this is overwhelming. You have to know the truth before you can start putting your life back together. In addition to pressuring the other man I would leave for a few days if I were you. Have an initial conversation with a divorce lawyer. It's good to know your rights and it will scare the sh!t out of her. Stick to your guns - the truth or divorce. Once you get the truth it still might lead to divorce but at least it will be your decision that is based on the facts. Good luck.


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