# Passionless Marriage - What To Do?



## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

I married my best friend in 2018. We've known each other for 2 decades and have always been really close. When we started dating we knew the transition from friends to romantic partners would be weird, but we figured we loved each other and would get past the initial awkwardness of it all. Eventually it stopped feeling awkward and we were increasingly attracted to one another sexually. We barely had any physical intimacy before marriage because we decided to wait until marriage to do anything physical (our first kiss was at the altar). We got married and our honeymoon was great, there was a lot of passion. But when we got home things changed.

I see a lot of posts from women saying that they lost the passion in their marriage after a long time or because of kids. I can honestly say that I don't think my husband and I have ever had it, aside from the honeymoon. This is something we've talked about since year 1 of marriage. We are now entering year 3 and nothing has changed. We have sex once or twice a month. It's always when I'm ovulating as we were supposed to be trying for a baby. I usually have to remind him that I'm ovulating in any particular week so that I can be sure we have sex. Otherwise he won't touch me, well not passionately. I get really sad about how ling it's taking for us to get pregnant. Sometimes I think if we were having sex more often that would make a difference.

We'll cuddle, he'll play with my breasts or try to play with my vagina (rarely) but not passionately. He'll be watching tv or on his phone and then decide he wants to start fondling me, while continuingto watch his show or scroll social media. It's never sensual and always seems like something to do to pass the time, or like he's playing or just feels like touching me.

There are never any stolen kisses or hugs. He pecks me when he leaves the house and When he enters the house, that's it. The only other time he kisses me is when we're having sex, once or twice a month. That's actually the only time he kisses me deeply.

He always wants me near him. Likes to hold my hand, lay on my chest or wants me to lay on his often. But most nights we can be in the bed watching tv and on our phones until we sleep. We tried date nights but those didn't last. I bought sex checks and put expiration dates on them but he never uses them. I've talked to him about this for years and I don't know what to do anymore.

I want to be wanted and I don't feel wanted by my husband. It feels like we're still just best friends, and sometimes it feels like we're roommates. I don't know what it means to have a passionate marriage.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

I am curious how it came that you 2 started dating after being friends for so long. How old are y’all?


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

We are in our mid-30s. We went to the same junior high school, high school, worked at the same job during college, and went to the same graduate school.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Jaylee Emme said:


> We are in our mid-30s. We went to the same junior high school, high school, worked at the same job during college, and went to the same graduate school.


What made you decide to date?


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> What made you decide to date?


He liked me since junior high but I wasn't interested. Over time I fell in love with him.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Jaylee Emme said:


> He liked me since junior high but I wasn't interested. Over time I fell in love with him.


What made you decide not to explore sex before marriage?


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

I was not a virgin when we got married, but he was. We were both raised Christian and were taught to abstain from sex before marriage. He listened, I didn't. He was around for all of the times I got my heart broken by guys, and knew how often guys were telling me they loved me, were sexual with me, but treated me like garbage. When we started dating, he made it clear that he was going to show me he loved me without having to touch me, unlike the other guys I'd dated.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Jaylee Emme said:


> I was not a virgin when we got married, but he was. We were both raised Christian and were taught to abstain from sex before marriage. He listened, I didn't. He was around for all of the times I got my heart broken by guys, and knew how often guys were telling me they loved me, were sexual with me, but treated me like garbage. When we started dating, he made it clear that he was going to show me he loved me without having to touch me, unlike the other guys I'd dated.


I am assuming you have discussed this with him?


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I am assuming you have discussed this with him?


Yes I have. He tells me things will get better, there's nothing wrong with me, he's attracted to me, just doesn't need sex as often. When I bring it up, things change for a short period of time, and then go back to our normal pattern shortly after.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Jaylee Emme said:


> Yes I have. He tells me things will get better, there's nothing wrong with me, he's attracted to me, just doesn't need sex as often. When I bring it up, things change for a short period of time, and then go back to our normal pattern shortly after.


I think you are in a tough situation. Have you considered counseling?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Sounds like your husband is one of those people who has a low sex drive (LD). Doubt he's going to change, since it appears he's happy with the status quo. You talked and talked and talked. Obviously, that isn't working. Just my take on it, but I'd stop the discussions for the time being..

Are you going to stay in this marriage even if it leaves you unfulfilled? Do you think counseling might help?


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

I have brought up counseling for other issues we've had with our communication, but never for sex. I don't even think it's something he'd be willing to do, but I have been thinking about bringing it up to him. I wish we could avoid counseling but I don't know if that's possible.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

What happens when you initiate sex?


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## kidcanman (Dec 20, 2010)

What you need to realize is that women have way more power when it comes to sex but y'all are too clueless to use it.

You just have to be more aggressive. It's easy to turn a man on. Why not just give him a blow job out of the blue while you're watching tv? Why not get completely naked and lay on him and then grab his crotch firmly? Why not just start kissing his chest and grab him? 

This is why these sluts and party girls can steal a married man instantly. Because they are aggressive.

I guarantee if you do these things to him he will worship you. He will think there is no way I can let a woman like this go. And he will be all over you all the time


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> Sounds like your husband is one of those people who has a low sex drive (LD). Doubt he's going to change, since it appears he's happy with the status quo. You talked and talked and talked. Obviously, that isn't working. Just my take on it, but I'd stop the discussions for the time being..
> 
> Are you going to stay in this marriage even if it leaves you unfulfilled? Do you think counseling might help?


I don't want to leave him. I love him. I do think counseling would help. I also think that if I threatened to leave him, he'd make an extreme effort to have sex with me every day, if possible, just so that he wouldn't lose me. I want it to be natural though, not forced.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

The thing is, often you have to be willing to lose a marriage in order to save it. Is his lack of sexual interest in you a deal breaker? It comes down to that. Talking doesn't work with him. He probably figures you'll stay forever. He's comfortable with occasional sex. You are not. Sometimes, like it or not, we have to make difficult decisions.


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> What happens when you initiate sex?


I don't initiate sex usually or often. This is because I felt rejected when I did in the past. So he'll say things like "well you can initiate sex too", but I remind him that when I have tried to do that, it's been weird. He's either busy with something and not willing to stop what he's doing, or he's confused and asking me what I'm doing. It's only worked a few times. I am usually hesitant to do it because I'm not sure how he'll respond. 

Sometimes I think he still sees me as a friend.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Jaylee Emme said:


> I don't initiate sex usually or often. This is because I felt rejected when I did in the past. So he'll say things like "well you can initiate sex too", but I remind him that when I have tried to do that, it's been weird. He's either busy with something and not willing to stop what he's doing, or he's confused and asking me what I'm doing. It's only worked a few times. I am usually hesitant to do it because I'm not sure how he'll respond.
> 
> Sometimes I think he still sees me as a friend.


Ok so say one of those nights you are just hanging watching TV etc you go to the bathroom and come out in lingerie what would happen?


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

kidcanman said:


> What you need to realize is that women have way more power when it comes to sex but y'all are too clueless to use it.
> 
> You just have to be more aggressive. It's easy to turn a man on. Why not just give him a blow job out of the blue while you're watching tv? Why not get completely naked and lay on him and then grab his crotch firmly? Why not just start kissing his chest and grab him?
> 
> ...


Admittedly I have not felt confident enough to do these things. But I imagine they would work. I think I'd need to adopt a different perspective on this. I do think you have a point. I am not aggressive with him, and when I have tried to initiate sex, I've been careful for reasons previously stated.


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Ok so say one of those nights you are just hanging watching TV etc you go to the bathroom and come out in lingerie what would happen?


When we first got married, I wore lingerie to bed every night. He barely touched me unless he was horny. I brought it up to him numerous times and nothing changed. I stopped wearing it. I haven't worn lingerie in almost 2 years. Would it make a difference now? I honestly don't know. But I suppose I could try it again. If he saw me in lingerie, I honestly don't know what he'd do.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Jaylee Emme said:


> When we first got married, I wore lingerie to bed every night. He barely touched me unless he was horny. I brought it up to him numerous times and nothing changed. I stopped wearing it. I haven't worn lingerie in almost 2 years. Would it make a difference now? I honestly don't know. But I suppose I could try it again. If he saw me in lingerie, I honestly don't know what he'd do.


I think you should try. I love candles. I have them all over my house. Buy some. Light them up in the bedroom while you are watching TV. See his reaction.


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I think you should try. I love candles. I have them all over my house. Buy some. Light them up in the bedroom while you are watching TV. See his reaction.


I love candles too. I think I'll try. Thank you for the advice.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You two do not have a romantic relationship and you can't fake it. You're too familial. I'm surprised it doesn't just feel creepy for both of you as if you're doing it with a sibling or your mother or your father or your kid or something. If you want romance you're going to have to get out of this friends relationship and completely out and find another man. I mean no man is going to put up with you keeping your ex around as a friend either.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jaylee Emme said:


> I married my best friend in 2018. We've known each other for 2 decades and have always been really close. When we started dating we knew the transition from friends to romantic partners would be weird, but we figured we loved each other and would get past the initial awkwardness of it all. Eventually it stopped feeling awkward and we were increasingly attracted to one another sexually. We barely had any physical intimacy before marriage because we decided to wait until marriage to do anything physical (our first kiss was at the altar). We got married and our honeymoon was great, there was a lot of passion. But when we got home things changed.
> 
> I see a lot of posts from women saying that they lost the passion in their marriage after a long time or because of kids. I can honestly say that I don't think my husband and I have ever had it, aside from the honeymoon. This is something we've talked about since year 1 of marriage. We are now entering year 3 and nothing has changed. We have sex once or twice a month. It's always when I'm ovulating as we were supposed to be trying for a baby. I usually have to remind him that I'm ovulating in any particular week so that I can be sure we have sex. Otherwise he won't touch me, well not passionately. I get really sad about how ling it's taking for us to get pregnant. Sometimes I think if we were having sex more often that would make a difference.
> 
> ...


Oy!

I know I'm butting in to the Ladies room here but what kind of shape is he in?

Does he have any health problems?

Regardless of Christian abstinence, he is abnormal if he never had sex until his 30's which means he didn't even pursue a woman for marriage so he could at least unleash his passions lawfully.

Does he have any psychological issues?

He does not strike me as healthy.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Low libido
Gay
Just not into you

Take your pick, but know that he isn't going to change. He's a man in his 30s who went without sex during the times of life when men are awash with hormones demanding sexual outlet and he didn't do it then. He married a comfortable and familiar friend instead of seeking out a romantic partner he couldn't keep his hands off of. His whole life seems to be about not sex. This is just who he is.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The problem with marrying someone who’s a friend? They might love you but that doesn’t mean they’re in love with you (and it definitely doesn’t mean they want to have sex with you). You’re fighting a losing battle.


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Oy!
> 
> I know I'm butting in to the Ladies room here but what kind of shape is he in?
> 
> ...


He has had some health/performance issues in the past but to my knowledge that is no longer an issue. I don't believe he has any psychological issues. I think we both prioritize different things and it's been hard for us to meet in the middle.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I suspect this guy is either gay, has a raging porm habit, or not that into you sexually. The fact that he'll have sex on occasion when he's horny tells me he's scratching an itch and you happen to be there.

I'm sure he loves you in his way and finds you objectively attractive enough, but you guys lack real sexual chemistry.

The odds of this improving are extremely small. You can try, but I suspect you're going to have to decide if being married to your "best friend" is worth a passionless life.

I think you'll regret it. You can build a nice friendship with a compatible guy who wants to tear your clothes off. This kind of thing will eat away your self esteem until you have none.

A lot of of here are much older then you and we see this coming.

Sorry.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Has he had his testosterone checked? Sounds like there could be an issue there. 

Also plausible that he’s gay and doesn’t want to accept/acknowledge it.


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## kidcanman (Dec 20, 2010)

Trust me on this Jaylee. It will literally turn your marriage around. I'm telling you a man will go crazy about a woman like this.

Forgot about the candles and lingerie. That is way too much planning for him. Too much work to get to sex.

And believe me it's literally one million times easier for a woman to turn a man on than the opposite.

Just grab him and if he asks what you're doing tell him I'm sucking your d*ck silly. If you have the courage to say that one short sentence you'll probably add 20 years to your marriage.

Plus you have no idea what it will do to his mental health for you to behave like that. He'll probably walk outside and scale a mountain. He'll become the next Elon Musk.

If you honestly want to get out of the friend zone believe me. You can't lay their and wait for him to figure it out.

If you make moves it's impossible for him not to be all over you.

Don't go wear lingerie or lite candles.

Grab him. Kiss his body while grabbing him. Suck him.

It is literally that easy.

And if you can talk dirty to him while doing it. Forgot about it..


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Jaylee Emme said:


> Yes I have. He tells me things will get better, there's nothing wrong with me, he's attracted to me, just doesn't need sex as often. When I bring it up, things change for a short period of time, and then go back to our normal pattern shortly after.


Is this a dealbreaker for you? It's good that things change for a bit when you bring it up with him, but you may need to take that to the next level and tell him that this is something that's really important to you and how not being intimate makes you feel. You may even have to hit the point of saying that it is a dealbreaker for you (if it in fact, is one). I will say though that if you don't have the hard conversations about it, things won't get better. There's a chance that they won't even if you do have that conversation, but if you love him it's worth a shot. Much luck to you, and keep us updated!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> ....but know that he isn't going to change. He's a man in his 30s who went without sex during the times of life when men are awash with hormones demanding sexual outlet and he didn't do it then. He married a comfortable and familiar friend instead of seeking out a romantic partner he couldn't keep his hands off of. His whole life seems to be about not sex. This is just who he is.


This was my XH too; he was 41 when I took his virginity. It was great for a short while, then dropped off completely during the engagement. It never improved, and it's sad, but it's also just who he was. For his sake, I really hope that he's overcome any hardships (pun very much intended) around sex, and I hope the OP's H does too!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> I suspect this guy is either gay, has a raging porm habit, or not that into you sexually.


I hadn't mentioned it yet, but I was wondering if he may be in the closet ...

OTOH, this could be the case of two relatively passive people. Kinda go-with-the-flow type of folks. Nothing wrong with it, per se. But nobody is pulling out the big guns and having a really frank discussion about the elephant pooping all over the living room.

That dynamic needs to change.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jaylee Emme said:


> He has had some health/performance issues in the past but to my knowledge that is no longer an issue. I don't believe he has any psychological issues. I think we both prioritize different things and it's been hard for us to meet in the middle.


He definitely has something not firing right.

He should get his T levels checked and a couples evaluation wouldn't hurt you guys either.

I have a hyperdrive but even guys who are a little closer to Earth have a massively higher drive to plunder women than your husband.

Something is up.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

First step have a permanent no phone and no tv rule in the bedroom.


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## Jaylee Emme (Mar 26, 2021)

Thank you all for your advice. I think I have some major takeaways:

1. I need to have a hard conversation with him and be blatantly honest about where I am. I realized that this is giving me anxiety. I just need to be upfront with him, put everything on the table, and ask him hard questions, even if it hurts his feelings or makes him uncomfortable.

2. In the past I've asked him to go to the doctor to get things checked out. He hasn't done it yet. I'll stress that this is something I need him to do. 

3. I'll make it clear that I want us to go to counseling. 

4. I think I can be more open to being the aggressor (sometimes) once I know it's not one-sided, and that we're on the road to having a healthy sex life.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> He definitely has something not firing right.
> 
> He should get his T levels checked and a couples evaluation wouldn't hurt you guys either.
> 
> ...


Or not, as it were...


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Jaylee Emme said:


> Thank you all for your advice. I think I have some major takeaways:
> 
> 1. I need to have a hard conversation with him and be blatantly honest about where I am. I realized that this is giving me anxiety. I just need to be upfront with him, put everything on the table, and ask him hard questions, even if it hurts his feelings or makes him uncomfortable.
> 
> ...


You also need to stop trying to get pregnant, for now at least. Your marriage isn't in a great place and bringing a baby into the mix won't help. Babies don't fix marriage problems and if you divorce, kids complicate the issue.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I don’t think it’s normal at all that he never had sex, is not into sex with you.

I don’t think you should be making him go to the doctor.

Something is wrong with him, stop trying. And I don’t think you want to know what’s behind it. He’s into something sexually, and it’s not women.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

DudeInProgress said:


> Or not, as it were...


Aha!!!! 😄


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Could you check his devices for evidence of porn? I can’t fathom a man behaving like this unless he’s over sexed from porn and masturbation. Most men start going crazy after a week... even older guys with lower testosterone. He also appears to dig you. I feel pretty suspicious that he has a secret porn habit. So sorry you’re going through this.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

Serious question: do you think your husband might not be straight?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You can not manufacture desire. Sure, you can get the equipment to work if that's all you're after.


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## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

kidcanman said:


> What you need to realize is that women have way more power when it comes to sex but y'all are too clueless to use it.
> 
> You just have to be more aggressive. It's easy to turn a man on. Why not just give him a blow job out of the blue while you're watching tv? Why not get completely naked and lay on him and then grab his crotch firmly? Why not just start kissing his chest and grab him?
> 
> ...


Unless you have ever experienced a man that does not follow the norm in this area, you cant understand.
My husband sounds just like this lady's husband. And over the years, intimacy has decreased to a big fat zero. And believe me, I have tried all types of things.
I've surprised him with a BJ when he's watching a movie. He's walked in from work with me in only thigh high boots. I also did some online shopping and bought quite a bit of fun things that most men would really enjoy. I have tried things that I never thought I would try before. I have sent him slutty little texts during the day. I'm not really sure there isn't anything I have not tried. He seems interested for a second… And then it all just fades away like everything else. He just doesn't have a sex drive, never really has. My husband wants to work, he wants to come home and watch TV. He really doesn't have an interest in doing most things, except target shooting and TV.
I know this advice comes from a good place, and it absolutely does not make sense topmost people. Most people think if a man doesn't want to have sex with his wife that it has to be something that she needs to do more aggressively/switch it up or he's having an affair.
For whatever reason some men just do not have much of a sex drive. I don't know if they're just more asexual? I don't know what the hell it is. But if somebody figures it out just let me know, please.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mary L said:


> Unless you have ever experienced a man that does not follow the norm in this area, you cant understand.
> My husband sounds just like this lady's husband. And over the years, intimacy has decreased to a big fat zero. And believe me, I have tried all types of things.
> I've surprised him with a BJ when he's watching a movie. He's walked in from work with me in only thigh high boots. I also did some online shopping and bought quite a bit of fun things that most men would really enjoy. I have tried things that I never thought I would try before. I have sent him slutty little texts during the day. I'm not really sure there isn't anything I have not tried. He seems interested for a second… And then it all just fades away like everything else. He just doesn't have a sex drive, never really has. My husband wants to work, he wants to come home and watch TV. He really doesn't have an interest in doing most things, except target shooting and TV.
> I know this advice comes from a good place, and it absolutely does not make sense topmost people. Do you think if a man doesn't want to have sex with his wife that it has to be something that she needs to do more aggressively/switch it up or he's having an affair.
> For whatever reason some men just do not have much of a sex drive. I don't know if they're just more asexual? I don't know what the hell it is. But if somebody figures it out just let me know, please.


I know guys like that exist. I just don't understand why they get married.


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## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> I know guys like that exist. I just don't understand why they get married.


Well think about it. My husband goes to work, he comes home and either watches TV or plays around in the barn, maybe go to target shooting for a while.
If we took "intimate marriage" off the table, his marriage would be perfect. We have always been close, the best of friends close.
I cook, clean, do the laundry, make sure all of our personal and business finances is an order. He doesn't have to do any of that. So outside of sex, what's the best thing in a marriage? Your spouse doing each and every thing for you! 
I've had people ask me how I can like him. But he really is a good person, in so many ways. I could be throwing up at 2 AM and that man would go to the grocery store for me. One of our kids could be broken down in another city and no matter the time of day or night, he would drive and pick them up.
He just has zero ability to connect in a real an intimate way with somebody. Unfortunately that somebody happens to be me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mary L said:


> Well think about it. My husband goes to work, he comes home and either watches TV or plays around in the barn, maybe go to target shooting for a while.
> If we took "intimate marriage" off the table, his marriage would be perfect. We have always been close, the best of friends close.
> I cook, clean, do the laundry, make sure all of our personal and business finances is an order. He doesn't have to do any of that. So outside of sex, what's the best thing in a marriage? Your spouse doing each and every thing for you!
> I've had people ask me how I can like him. But he really is a good person, in so many ways. I could be throwing up at 2 AM and that man would go to the grocery store for me. One of our kids could be broken down in another city and no matter the time of day or night, he would drive and pick them up.
> He just has zero ability to connect in a real an intimate way with somebody. Unfortunately that somebody happens to be me.


He could be those things without marriage, which includes sex, and have a roommate.

I can't help but make a little fun of people who want to be married but don't want sex.😁


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## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> He could be those things without marriage, which includes sex, and have a roommate.


100% true


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## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> I can't help but make a little fun of people who want to be married but don't want sex.😁


Imagine my surprise. I thought guys were suppose to think about sex hundreds of times a day, and wish they had it ever day!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mary L said:


> Imagine my surprise. I thought guys were suppose to think about sex hundreds of times a day, and wish they had it ever day!


LoL! I've encountered a couple of no drive dudes and plenty more who think they are supposed to be hornier than women but literally can't keep up with a lot of women I've known.😉

I think generally a man is probably going to be more aggressive in pursuit of sex but I haven't found women to be any less horny.😁

I kind of got a little pigeon holed on the subject here after a few years.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> I know guys like that exist. I just don't understand why they get married.


Companionship, services, and to keep up the appearance of normality.

What baffles me is why women stay with guys like that when there are equally wonderful men out there desperate for a good woman to share their life and bed. I get the whole "He's my best friend!" thing, but if that's all he is then make him a friend officially and be free to seek a fully functioning spouse. 

Hell, I wouldn't even consider ED or other physical issues to be an excuse. Man's got hands and a mouth, right?


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## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

MJJEAN said:


> Companionship, services, and to keep up the appearance of normality.
> 
> What baffles me is why women stay with guys like that when there are equally wonderful men out there desperate for a good woman to share their life and bed. I get the whole "He's my best friend!" thing, but if that's all he is then make him a friend officially and be free to seek a fully functioning spouse.
> 
> Hell, I wouldn't even consider ED or other physical issues to be an excuse. Man's got hands and a mouth, right?


i meant “for better or worse”. I know it’s hard so people to understand. And I guess if I had to be honest with myself, you’re still a part of me, even after all of these years, but hope that one day you will desire me the way I desire him.
I know, I know. But I’m just being honest.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Mary L said:


> i meant “for better or worse”. I know it’s hard so people to understand. And I guess if I had to be honest with myself, you’re still a part of me, even after all of these years, but hope that one day you will desire me the way I desire him.
> I know, I know. But I’m just being honest.


Well, then accept it and stop smoking the Hopium. He is who he is and that is unlikely to change. He's either gay, asexual, a porn addict, or just not into you like that. If you're going to stay in this marriage you should probably concentrate on other things for the sake of your mental and emotional health. Work, hobbies, fitness, etc.


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## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

MJJEAN said:


> Well, then accept it and stop smoking the Hopium. He is who he is and that is unlikely to change. He's either gay, asexual, a porn addict, or just not into you like that. If you're going to stay in this marriage you should probably concentrate on other things for the sake of your mental and emotional health. Work, hobbies, fitness, etc.


When you’re in love with someone, there’s always gonna be a seed of hope. Even if it’s a small one. Anybody who tells you differently is most likely lying.
However, I know what my reality is. I’m not one of these dreamers that just has no foundation and reality.
He definitely does not have a porn addiction, the dude wouldn’t know how to delete his history to cover it. I believe he’s asexual. As much as I’ve been researching it, studying it. I think that’s exactly what it is. It’s just not important to him and he doesn’t have a drive. He’s an amazing man in just about every other way.
I’m living my life. I’ve gotten back into yoga, I’m learning to play the guitar I’ve always wanted to play, I’m a homesteader, I’ve been focusing on that. I go out with my own friends from time to time, have a glass of wine or just spend some time letting our hair down. It’s not a perfect situation, but it’s where I’m at today. I don’t know that that’s where I’m going to be two years from now. But it’s where I am today and I’m choosing happiness, even given my bleak situation.


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