# Getting along with the Ex (Help please)



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Been separated 3+ years, divorced 2 + years. It was absolutely aweful. I lost all my money and she alienated my daughter from me. We share joint of my 8 year old son. To add to it, she has been dating a man that I find disgusting in EVERYWAY. I don't want him around my son. Yes I know that I cant do anything about that but it adds to the misery.
Now I keep thinking that when my son turns 18, Im heading out of the state. I live in Maryland and dislike it. I want to be in Cali/Forida or somewhere.
So I feel that I should maybe try to forgive or find someway to get along with her for the betterment of our son. I do hate her so very very much. I dislike the word hate but I had 7 properties worth millions and lived in a 600 sq.foot home with a pool. My daughter was my life and she made all the props/money and my daughter disappear bc the attorneys got it all. I try to be nice but she finds every reason to fight and I usually ignore her.
She even sought out my girlfriend to trash me. 
I thought about asking her to meet at a restaourant and seeing how we can bury the hactchet. I want peace if its possible but at the same time she does disgust me so I wonder if I did this,,how fake would it be???
She makes the schedule with my son terrible. She will do anything to make me upset or hurt me. If she can keep him bc the roads are icy, then she will and say its unsafe. Tons of crap that only hurt my son.
So, do I swallow my pride or just ride it out and leave it as is??
Thanks!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There is a lot of hurt and hatred in your post. 

Until you become indifferent toward her, it's going to be an uphill battle for you.

I say, why not ask her to meet up and tell her that you want to have a better parenting relationship with her and the kids. 

I hear you on wanting to go to Cali or Florida.


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## CafeRed (Mar 26, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear about the hurt that you've had to endure. I was also hurt pretty badly by my ex-husband, and I will say that forgiving him and working hard toward a cordial relationship with him was one of the best (and healthiest) things I could have done for myself and for our son.

I have learned that forgiveness is just as much for you as it would be for her. In fact, it might even be MORE for you. It can really be freeing to forgive, move forward, and co-parent in a manner that allows healthy communication between the two of you. It can also set a good example for your kids, too.

I know it's not easy. In fact, it might even be worth getting in touch with a counselor to get some insight and advice on how to take the first step. I wish you all the best as you move forward and seek the best resolution for these circumstances. Hang in there!


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