# Is it too late for us?



## tbird74 (Aug 11, 2012)

A little over a month ago my husband told me that he wasn't happy with our marriage and that I needed to "work on" myself. We have been through 6 pregnancy losses, two bankruptcies, my mother's death of lung cancer, my father's recent diagnosis of lung cancer, a childless future and my husband's depression and addiction. After 8 years of marriage, out of the blue he says he isn't happy, wants to hang out with friends, I depend on him too much and he can't be here to support me right now. He also had a female friend who he told all of our intimate problems to, drank with, talked with at 1 in the morning and said she was a therapist. 

One month later my husband did a complete turn around from the drugging, drinking guy to end up completely depressed, in bed for 4 days, camping alone with our dog and not looking at me, but expecting to talk like normal. We've had sex twice in the last month due to my initiation. He suggested I see a therapist over a month ago and so I did. I'm focusing on my issues with control and co-dependency. I asked him a to go to a therapist and it took him over a month to go. When he finally does go, (today), he ends up sending me a text that says he has to work on his issues and has no answers for me about the future of our marriage. He said his therapist gave him permission to say this to me. I tried to be supportive but we argued. I told him some deep emotions that I never expressed before and then he says that he can't be there for me and I need to find someone else to discuss it with.

I've decided that maybe he is right. He wants me to find someone else so badly, just like he did. I could do it, but I feel so betrayed and let down. He is right that he has to work on himself and I need to work on me, but what happens in the meantime? How do we function in a loveless house and childless future? Add to that my dad's cancer diagnosis and prognosis. Not good. My mom is dead, I can't have kids, my dad is dying and now my husband says he can't support me. What should I do? Wait for the depression to stop or get better? Tell him to get the hell out of our house? I just can't stand it all anymore.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

tbird74 said:


> A little over a month ago my husband told me that he wasn't happy with our marriage and that I needed to "work on" myself. We have been through 6 pregnancy losses, two bankruptcies, my mother's death of lung cancer, my father's recent diagnosis of lung cancer, a childless future and my husband's depression and addiction. After 8 years of marriage, out of the blue he says he isn't happy, wants to hang out with friends, I depend on him too much and he can't be here to support me right now. He also had a female friend who he told all of our intimate problems to, drank with, talked with at 1 in the morning and said she was a therapist.
> 
> One month later my husband did a complete turn around from the drugging, drinking guy to end up completely depressed, in bed for 4 days, camping alone with our dog and not looking at me, but expecting to talk like normal. We've had sex twice in the last month due to my initiation. He suggested I see a therapist over a month ago and so I did. I'm focusing on my issues with control and co-dependency. I asked him a to go to a therapist and it took him over a month to go. When he finally does go, (today), he ends up sending me a text that says he has to work on his issues and has no answers for me about the future of our marriage. He said his therapist gave him permission to say this to me. I tried to be supportive but we argued. I told him some deep emotions that I never expressed before and then he says that he can't be there for me and I need to find someone else to discuss it with.
> 
> I've decided that maybe he is right. He wants me to find someone else so badly, just like he did. I could do it, but I feel so betrayed and let down. He is right that he has to work on himself and I need to work on me, but what happens in the meantime? How do we function in a loveless house and childless future? Add to that my dad's cancer diagnosis and prognosis. Not good. My mom is dead, I can't have kids, my dad is dying and now my husband says he can't support me. What should I do? Wait for the depression to stop or get better? Tell him to get the hell out of our house? I just can't stand it all anymore.


The knee jerk reaction will be that he could be having an affair. But there's also a very real possibility he's just telling you the truth.

What do you do about it? As he said..."work on yourself". If he's there at the end of it, you'll know it was genuine. If he's not, well then, what was lost?

Work on yourself as much as possible while you deal with the so very bad circumstances in your life. Exercise. Take up a hobby. Find something that exites you and snaps you out of your funk, or gives you reprieve (if only temporary) from your trying life circumstances. You'll be better for it. And if he's genuine, he will see it. If he's not genuine, then nothing is lost....you're still a "better you" to present to the next potential guy.


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