# Not had sex yet...



## Cherrytree99 (Oct 17, 2014)

Hi, I'm in a committed relationship, going to have sex soon. Using professional help to help stretch the vagina- hymen was tough. Have tried fingers going inside vagina several times- the weird part is it feels like the fingers are barely inside, but they are actually a fair way in! Same feeling with the dialators. There is no sexual feeling/arousal happening when fingers are inside, so far. I was expecting big things from sex, people around me seem to easily get into it. I am getting to an age where I should be into this for years now! But it has been great progress so far with getting to the fingers in stage! So any tips from this early stage? Thanks


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lots of tips but first some questions.

How old are you?

Why are you using dilators? Who suggested you use them?

Whose fingers are you referring to? Yours or his?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

What's up here? Sex shouldn't be this complicated unless there's a good reason. Do you have a physical condition?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Why do you use dilators?

Women have sensitive nerve endings that go about an inch or two into the vagina and that's it. That's probably why you aren't feeling all that much further up. It's like inserting a tampon - you only feel the tampon the first couple of inches. Once it's past that point and settled higher up, you don't feel it at all even after it expands with menstrual fluid.

Also, many, many women do not have orgasms from vaginal penetration alone and need clitoral stimulation. Have you tried stroking your clitoris? If not, you will likely find THAT is where your pleasure center is. Do you masturbate? If not, you should be. You need to know how to give yourself an orgasm so you can teach your partner what kind of touches feel good, and how to get you to orgasm.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

so long as a professional has prescribed the dialators, follow that advice. Maybe because the dialators are causing some pain, your mind is in a mind set that the feelings "down there" will not be pleasant? Relax, take a nice bubble bath, let one finger in just a little, rub the lips, then inside then outside again. See what happens when you are not stressed, in a hurry, or have another person in the room


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## Cherrytree99 (Oct 17, 2014)

Thanks!

Well I'm nearly 30 years old

Dilators prescribed by physio, after seeing a Sexual health Dr.

I refer to his fingers

I have mostly been anxious my whole life which is probably half the problem.

I do masturbate, so am fairly familiar with outside of vagina- just not been brave enough to play around with the inside.

I had a lot of pain when I first started and it has improved so much. When using the dilator, I feel frustrated I guess that it does not go all the way in at this stage, because soon I can try penis penetration and am really keen to get that happening...!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

well i encourage you to keep up the therapy. Some women simply can not have a proper orgasm without a penis inside of them. Dildos, vibrators, fingers, tongues, are a DISTANT second to a hard throbing penis for them. Something for you to look forward to.

so you have NEVER had PIV sex? have you tried being with a woman? Cunnilingus, when done properly, can be very good for a woman. Maybe you have a GF that would be willing to experiment with you? Or an experienced man for that matter.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The only thing I remember about my first penetration is pain. Second time, no pain but no actual pleasure either.

My educated guess is that the pleasure associated with intercourse is...associated. IOW, after repeated non painful experiences coupled with the pleasant feelings associated with being physically connected with someone you love, the pleasure is associated with the act and grows from there.

I know only one woman, out of probably more than 50 women with whom I've had discussions about sex in real life, who had an orgasm during her first intercourse.

There are many women who do not orgasm from penetrative sex and only orgasm through clitoral stimulation, and this is perfectly normal!

You say you masturbate, I'm assuming this means you stimulate your own clitoris? While I've never seen a study on the most common areas of stimulation during female masturbation I think it's pretty safe to assume it is clitoral stimulation with some nipple stimulation as well. Even when women masturbate with a dildo, they typically spend some time on their clitoris and nipples prior to inserting the dildo. Only in porn do women masturbate by inserting their fingers into their vagina because we simply can't get our own fingers into the right spots while also stretching our bodies out in an alignment that allows for good penetration. Think of scratching your own back; you have to arch your back to reach those spots. But when someone else scratched your back, you do the opposite to allow for better coverage of all the itchy spots.

Does your man spend much time stimulating you in other areas before he tries to stimulate your vagina? As a rule of thumb, sexual arousal is built by stimulating erogenous areas culminating in stimulating the genital areas. Don't you feel a little ticklish if he kisses your neck? Tickles behind your knees? He must start in those types of erogenous areas before he tries to build your arousal via genital stim.

That why they call them the bases. First base before second base, second base before third base...etc.

Once you've been having good sex for a while, bases can be skipped because your brain now knows HOW to do sexual arousal. Your neural pathways to sexual arousal have been formed and depending on how well you can assist this arousal, by letting go of stress and embracing the momentum, skipping "bases" won't detract too much from building arousal.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

find a base runner...maybe someone who likes to steal 3rd base a lot


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> find a base runner...maybe someone who likes to steal 3rd base a lot


Stealing bases just gonna make you get tagged OUT!


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