# 31 Year Marriage Over



## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

I have been married for over 31 years and my husband has fallen out of love with me. He said he misses me when we are apart but then comes back and nothing changes for him as far as his feelings go.

I have a feeling he won't be coming home again this evening, how long should I wait for him to figure out what is going on. I really don't want to end my marriage but I also don't want to have a seperation which he feels he needs.
Do I just give him space or end it? I'm not sure if there is someone else, maybe there is and that is why the feelings don't come back, he says no. He won't talk to me, he says it is too hard. Our marriage has been going downhill for awhile and I seem to be the only one trying to keep it together. Do I just let it go - 31 years and sad fact is I still love the man so how do you end it? What makes it easier?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Nothing makes it easier. As a matter of fact it gets harder at first. Sorry but it will, and he may think he'll be OK but he will have it come back to him and he will also be miserable. If he is done, he is done. I don't want to be negative about this but once one partner falls out of love with the other, resistance to D is futile. I would not give up until you have tried MC for both of you. It is something that you have to try before calling it quits. I am sorry you are going through this, I am just now beginning my journey as well after 30 years of marriage and being with her for 36. My entire life. I know how dreadful you are feeling and I am sorry. Maybe someone on here that has been separated or divorced for a significant amount of time can give you some positive feedback on how long it might take to recover from this but all I can say is that the beginning of this journey is heart wrenching. The only thing that I can see that MIGHT make it easier is to do the 180, I am doing that now but it is no cake walk. We had a great united family - or so I thought, and she tossed all away.


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## CharlieBrown (May 10, 2011)

I feel for you. I am kind of going through the same thing and with all the advise out there, it is not easy to figure out what to do. Have you approached him about possible counseling? If you have and he was not receptive there are other options. It may be something as simple (easy to say) as maybe one of his important emotional needs for some reason are not being met. I was given a book by my MC and it is called: His Needs, Her Needs. I liked it as it goes over what can and does happen when needs are not met. However, even though I am a man, many of my most important needs are generally what would be most important to women. So, we all have different needs and he may not either recognize he has that need or is afraid to share with you what those needs may be. Maybe you both have a mutual married couple that might be willing to sit down with you all to explain and have a healthy conversation about it. I have been in MC for about 6 weeks and my wife feels great, she is the one that wants a separation, however, I have now gained knowledge of what is important to me and now I want the separation. So, do a bit of research on Emotional needs and talk to him. Let him know that you arent sure which need he isnt receiving. He may be thinking "you should know", but neither men or women really know the others needs. I hope this might be the issue and it isnt something far worse. Hang in there and dont give up till its completly over.


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