# It's time



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

After a 7 month marriage it's time me to move out. It won't be easy but I just can't live like this. I used to be happy. I'm not anymore. Neither is he but he seems to want to stay that way. I've dealt with depression in my own life and I don't want to go back there. I tried to have a talk tonight . I tried to tell him how I feel and he just gets defensive and then we both blow up. He told me that I'm the reason he acts the way he does and that I changed before we even got married but then he can't give me any specifics to this. I think we both have to be accountable for our own actions although we do bring out anger in each other. But he can't put all that on me. I can't continue this way and I am looking fir a place this week. 7 months of fighting. 7 months and we've had sex 3 times. That's not a marriage. I just don't know how to fix it. I can't do it alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NRG (Nov 9, 2010)

ku1980rose said:


> After a 7 month marriage it's time me to move out. It won't be easy but I just can't live like this. I used to be happy. I'm not anymore. Neither is he but he seems to want to stay that way. I've dealt with depression in my own life and I don't want to go back there. I tried to have a talk tonight . I tried to tell him how I feel and he just gets defensive and then we both blow up. He told me that I'm the reason he acts the way he does and that I changed before we even got married but then he can't give me any specifics to this. I think we both have to be accountable for our own actions although we do bring out anger in each other. But he can't put all that on me. I can't continue this way and I am looking fir a place this week. 7 months of fighting. 7 months and we've had sex 3 times. That's not a marriage. I just don't know how to fix it. I can't do it alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i feel ya, all I can tell ya, is if you want it to work, then put the effort in. I failed to put the effort in on mine the 2nd time around, I did so because I was fed up with the constant movement of our relationship. She treated it as if it was a High School relationship and not a marriage. She always thought a relationship should be effortless, not work, as we all know a relationship is nothing but Easy Street. He sounds like he is harboring resentment, or needs some anger management
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Luvstruck (Aug 18, 2010)

It's easy to give up and not fight for what you want. I have went thru the same thing. I would try to talk to him and he wouldnt want to hear it. I screamed divorce every moment I could in my relationship because I was unhappy. Then it turned into abuse and now we are living apart not talking at all and pending divorce. If you feel you have done all you could then give it up. But, dont act on emotion act on facts. I am leaving because of the abuse and the infedility. The rest we could have learned to work out with help from our marriage counselor. So, really look and see what has happened and can it be repaired.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

NRG said:


> i feel ya, all I can tell ya, is if you want it to work, then put the effort in. I failed to put the effort in on mine the 2nd time around, I did so because I was fed up with the constant movement of our relationship. She treated it as if it was a High School relationship and not a marriage. She always thought a relationship should be effortless, not work, as we all know a relationship is nothing but Easy Street. He sounds like he is harboring resentment, or needs some anger management
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He does need some anger management and I finally got him to start seeing a counselor in December. I was hoping it would help him to open up because when he gets mad he either yells or he shuts down completely and I get the silent treatment. But, it hasn't helped him open up yet. I think he is harboring a lot of resentment from his past marriage. He won't talk about it to me. He seems to think I should know what he went through, but I don't. I just don't know if it is worth putting the effort in anymore. I'm not sure he is the person I want to be with anymore. He definitely isn't the person I thought I married. Not that he's changed, but that he wasn't completely open with me at the beginning about his feelings and his life. It's like he made everything look nice at the beginning and then when we got married, let his real life out. He's not a bad guy. He is a nice guy, and that is why I married him. He treats me well, but that just isn't enough when there is nothing else between us.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Luvstruck said:


> It's easy to give up and not fight for what you want. I have went thru the same thing. I would try to talk to him and he wouldnt want to hear it. I screamed divorce every moment I could in my relationship because I was unhappy. Then it turned into abuse and now we are living apart not talking at all and pending divorce. If you feel you have done all you could then give it up. But, dont act on emotion act on facts. I am leaving because of the abuse and the infedility. The rest we could have learned to work out with help from our marriage counselor. So, really look and see what has happened and can it be repaired.


It hasn't turned to abuse. If anything, I've been the one to throw things when I have gotten overly frustrated and angry. I just don't know if it will ever work out regardless of if we learn to talk or not. I just don't know if he is who I want to be with. I don't know if I want to have children with this man. I did want to, but things have changed and things have come to light that make this difficult for me. Maybe if he would help me understand why he makes the choices he does I might be able to move on, but I'm not sure. He has 2 children who he never sees. When we were first together, he blamed this on his ex. He said when he changed jobs and had more time this past winter he was going to fight for his kids and that his dad was going to help with court costs. I believed him. Now, winter is almost over, and he hasn't done anything. He doesn't call his kids, he doesn't text his kids, he doesn't see his kids, he doesn't even have them on his facebook. He has nothing to do with his kids. His feelings have been hurt because they don't want to talk to him anymore after he has ignored them for so long and gotten married without them ever really getting to know me. So, he quit. I just can't understand how he can quit on his kids. Then, he throws it in my face when I bring it up saying that it is because we are married, when I was the one who was always pushing him to bring his kids around so we could get to know each other. I wanted to get to know his kids way before the wedding. I tried, and tried, and tried, and I just don't know how to try anymore. I just don't feel like he is the man I thought I was married to.


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