# Why a shelter?



## Elwicky (May 26, 2020)

So we had an incident where a tree fell on our house and pretty well destroyed it. We attempted to resettle in that spot but new regulations and requirements were adding up to be too much. We stayed in a hotel, we rented an apartment from a friend for 2 months and we found a fixer up to get with a large amount of land. Anyway, all along my grown children have been saying that we could stay with one of them so we could save money to be able to resettle. A lot of the insurance money went for clean up and tree services). My husband has decided that I can go stay with one of them but he'd rather stay in a shelter. My children ways make him feel welcome, never exclude him from anything. I feel a little insulted. And I also got the remark yelled at me that he doesn't need a woman to tell him what to do when I stated that he did not need to go to a shelter. Am I missing something here?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

What the crap??

that is crazy. If h wants to stay in a shelter and talk that way to you let him. Go visit with one of your kids.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

In a previous post, you mentioned your husband is controlling and likes to be superior. He was also weird about the house in the first place (hiding the key and not telling you where). I don't find his "I don't need a woman to tell me what to do" comment surprising.

He probably lost a lot of that "in control" feeling when he lost the house. All of a sudden his whole life felt "out of control". He also lost the superiority, since he no longer has a house, has to live with his (step)kids, etc. Him saying he'd rather live in a shelter is trying to take back some control of his life, even if in a silly way. No one actually enjoys being in a shelter. He's throwing a tantrum, ignore him and enjoy the time with your kids.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Possible he feels insecure about not being able to provide for his family so staying with one of the kids is emasculating for him. That's just a wild guess.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Let him do as he wishes without comment (because he’s going to anyway). Your life will be much more pleasant that way.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I have been reading this and your other posts and threads.

I believe I have some idea of your husband's thinking. It certainly does appear that he likes being in control and making the decisions etc. However, the key hiding incident to start with - I have a couple of daughters who talk with their mum and in a similar situation, if she mentioned something like this to them, it would be a matter of time before their friends knew about it and then the whole point of having a hidden key would be moot and potentially dangerous. So I actually understood his actions and comments and to be honest, did not understand yours.

I also do not like being dependent on any of my kids should I become disabled, feeble or unable to pay for my wife's and my own expenses etc. I have no doubt that they would care for us but I do know that it would be very much on their terms and in the case of my two eldest, this would be (in my opinion) rudely pointed out to us. To the external world they would appear to be making us welcome but I, like your husband, would also rather stay in a shelter than have to depend on them (or anyone else for that matter).

So I have another question for you - why are the two of you married ? You do not get along, have clashing personalities and nothing in common. Why did the two of you get married?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Twice you say 'my children' not our children. So presumably they are his step children? If that is the case then maybe he doesnt feel as comfortable living with them as you would.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Elwicky said:


> My children ways make him feel welcome, never exclude him from anything. I feel a little insulted......Am I missing something here?


I'd say it's possible that you're missing a lot. They are his stepkids and no matter how wonderful you think your children are, there are dynamics between them and him that you know nothing about. I don't know if he ever complained about things they did or said, but there are likely subtle remarks and innuendo that transfer from one direction to the other or that go back and forth. Lots of things occur between stepparents and stepchildren that the natural parent either doesn't know about or ignored or refused to accept when they were told. It's very often that when a stepparent complains, the natural parent makes excuses for their kids and declares to the heavens that their kids didn't mean any harm. There's really no telling how much you are missing.

In addition to that, read Manfromlancha's post again.


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