# Have your instincts ever failed you?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

As in, did something happen and you didn't see it coming?

Like - normally even when sh-t happens when looking back you can normally see the signs yes? Then you learn what to look out for in the future correct?

Has something ever happened that when you look back, you can't see anything? Has something ever happened that made you lose faith in your own intuition?

It's the only thing I ultimately trust, if I was to lose faith in my instincts... that would destroy me... as this is my achilles' heel. Since I was a child I learned how to trust my instincts and if I ever was to encounter a situation that I couldn't feel anything amiss...

What the hell can I trust?

Thankfully so far, it's a 100% success rate for me of picking up subconscious information that my conscious mind failed to pick up. I have still made poor decisions in the past but that is due to incorrectly deciphering the subconscious information - but the information was still there.

I dunno, even if it's 99.99%, I wouldn't be satisfied, I need to trust my instincts 100% to deliver the information as needed, am I the only one?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Stuff happens all the time that I didn't see coming. Like the ******* that slammed on his brakes right in front of me on the freeway this morning. Luckily I wasn't following too close.

I assume you're talking about in relationships? I had NO CLUE my husband was a sex addict.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hmm... not that I can recall.

Not listening to them, though...?

Abso-freaking-lutely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Hmm... not that I can recall.
> 
> Not listening to them, though...?
> 
> ...


^^This^^


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Yea, the times I got punched in the face. Other than that... no.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

There were a lot of times I wish I would have just trusted my gut feeling instead of over-thinking things.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I'm trying to think of a time when I said to myself, "Well. Didn't see that coming." I got nothin'.

But like Gus said, I can't count the times my gut was screaming at me "Run!!!" and I ignored it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The signs are there folks. The outlying and intuitive stuff goes phhttt over your head. Not your fault. 

We are conditioned to be looking for those things that normally connect to our conscious minds. Tone of voice, looks on faces, speed and direction of the traffic ahead, what the teacher is telling us to prepare for the test. As a species we look for things that satisfy our immediate needs, hunger, thirst, shelter, sex. 

We are drones, busy bees doing the programmed duties of getting along, getting ahead, getting old and getting deaths embrace, at the end.

Connecting with the subconscious mind or the "Collective Consciousness" of the Universe is problematical when the freakin-vast majority deny its existence. 

Society-at-large offers-up the fat-lip kiss of death to those who believe in esoteric realms. You know, to those strange ducklings that espouse interest in "Greater Things" they attach monikers such as Whackos or Kooks.

Science is wonderful. Note: It is a tool, not a Philosophy. In reality, both are reflected in a drop of water. The means to an end. An end for this discussion.

If interested, look to Synchronicity and C.G. Jung for answers to this post. Or just roll your eyes, snort, get a Budweiser and turn on the ball game.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I dunno on the one hand I am divorced and didn't see that coming. On the other hand I am divorced but was miserable being married


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Well, finding out I wasn't the son of the man who raised me was quite the shocker...

And finding an old ex-gf of mine cheating on me was also...not exactly easy to take. Granted, in hindsight, I am not that surprised. There were a lot of signs there, but hindsight is always 20/20, or so they say. 


But after all the crap I've had to live through, I've come to look for the absolute *worst* in people. Their ability to lie, cheat (business or personal), steal, manipulate, and hurt...
And amazingly, while I'm not exactly right 100% of the time, whenever it does happen, I am never surprised.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Definitely yes. Never saw my X wife's infidelity coming. She lied to me for months about it and I believed her. I am really good at recognizing when someone is lying but apparently not in my own house or with someone I am in love with. Total shock and felt humbled by the experience. Was the product of blind trust.

Wouldn't happen now. I am much more aware of my surroundings so to speak. Then the trouble is the balancing act between keeping vigilant and assuming the worse will happen. It's a difficult tightrope to walk.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

But that's when your intuition is clouded by emotion yes? 'Tis something I found as well... making me paranoid really, and push women away when they trigger my more vulnerable sides, as when I lose the ability to trust my intuition due to the fog of emotion, I end up with nothing I can ultimately trust - not anyone and not my instincts, completely defenseless and blind.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> But that's when your intuition is clouded by emotion yes? 'Tis something I found as well... making me paranoid really, and push women away when they trigger my more vulnerable sides, as when I lose the ability to trust my intuition due to the fog of emotion, I end up with nothing I can ultimately trust - not anyone and not my instincts, completely defenseless and blind.


Well ultimately it's a gamble. But once you are educated on the signs and don't dismiss all read flags because of emotion you are capable of seeing someone lying to you, 

You trust but never blindly. Hasn't kept me from caring very deeply about my GF and believe me I am ever vigilant for her deciding that this is done


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I am blind sided less often these days.

People call me negative. But I am usually right.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

No, but I have failed my instincts.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Once I learned to separate my anxiety and wishes from my actual instinct, no. It's never failed me.

But you have to pay attention to it, and you need to know how to separate those things.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

marduk said:


> Once I learned to *separate my anxiety and wishes from my actual instinct, no*. It's never failed me.
> 
> But you have to pay attention to it, and you need to *know how to separate those things.*


How?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Reading people is not one of my instincts. I've missed in both directions. Been surprised by being hurt as well as by being rewarded.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> As in, did something happen and you didn't see it coming?
> 
> Like - normally even when sh-t happens when looking back you can normally see the signs yes? Then you learn what to look out for in the future correct?
> 
> ...


Yeah, my STBXW and her banging some a__hole from her job and filing for divorce.
No not bitter, much...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> How?


For me, it feels different in my body. 

Anxiety lives in my chest. 

Wishes live in my head. 

Instinct lives in my centre of gravity. It's hard to describe. Play with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

marduk said:


> For me, it feels different in my body.
> 
> Anxiety lives in my chest.
> 
> ...


It is, almost like humanity has still much to learn in regards to the concept of intuition as languages fail to describe it.

The thing is, they say love is blind and it's true, I was blind to alot of ex-wife's flaws. Hence I fear love. I want to be fully aware and operational despite being in love, otherwise I can't see how relationships can really make me happy.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> It is, almost like humanity has still much to learn in regards to the concept of intuition as languages fail to describe it.
> 
> The thing is, they say love is blind and it's true, I was blind to alot of ex-wife's flaws. Hence I fear love. I want to be fully aware and operational despite being in love, otherwise I can't see how relationships can really make me happy.


Real love is never safe.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I don't accept that the signs are always there, that a "victim" of betrayal should have seen them.

It puts the blame for a deception on the deceived.

The blame should be squarely on the shoulders of the deceiver. That they are good at it, is not the fault of the deceived.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

What context are you talking about? Avoiding dangerous people? Or avoiding dangerous situations?

What you're saying about subconscious information is interesting. I'd say that people who are very experienced pick up signs that others don't and that guides them to make good "intuitive" judgements that less experienced people can't make. Over time you can gain experience and know what signs to look for so your gut reactions become more accurate.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

marduk said:


> Real love is never safe.


Sure, but do I have to accept that I will be blinded when it comes to love? Or is there a way I can maintain my senses in such situations?



michzz said:


> I don't accept that the signs are always there, that a "victim" of betrayal should have seen them.
> 
> It puts the blame for a deception on the deceived.
> 
> The blame should be squarely on the shoulders of the deceiver. That they are good at it, is not the fault of the deceived.


That's that, and then there's the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and our own decision.

And if we are responsible for our own decisions, then we are also to blame for being deceived, in my opinion.



VermisciousKnid said:


> What context are you talking about? Avoiding dangerous people? Or avoiding dangerous situations?
> 
> What you're saying about subconscious information is interesting. I'd say that people who are very experienced pick up signs that others don't and that guides them to make good "intuitive" judgements that less experienced people can't make. Over time you can gain experience and know what signs to look for so your gut reactions become more accurate.


Both, and I also agree on experience, but that only fine tunes it for me, there's still that raw instinct I normally feel with people or in situations that feels 'off'


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Sure, but do I have to accept that I will be blinded when it comes to love?


Yes. Love is the ultimate vulnerability. Or it doesn't work. I tried, very hard. It just doesn't.



> Or is there a way I can maintain my senses in such situations?


You can keep your head in the game and pay attention and swing a few percentage points in your favour maybe. At best.

But that's it.

But at the end of the day, someone you love could wake up one day and decide she's going to have sex with mr hot guy at the office in the filing room and you'd never know.

Or leave you one day because a cosmic ray hit the exact right synapse at exactly the right time.

Or get hit by a bus. Or a million other things.

That's just life. 



> That's that, and then there's the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and our own decision.
> 
> And if we are responsible for our own decisions, then we are also to blame for being deceived, in my opinion.


Don't confuse blame with possability. You can blame all you want, but it won't make you any safer.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

VermisciousKnid said:


> What context are you talking about? Avoiding dangerous people? Or avoiding dangerous situations?
> 
> What you're saying about subconscious information is interesting. I'd say that people who are very experienced pick up signs that others don't and that guides them to make good "intuitive" judgements that less experienced people can't make. Over time you can gain experience and know what signs to look for so your gut reactions become more accurate.


And some people are innately intuitive.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

marduk said:


> For me, it feels different in my body.
> 
> Anxiety lives in my chest.
> 
> ...


That is very much what it feels like. I was wondering how you were going to explain that. I was pondering it myself. This is a good explanation.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Blossom Leigh said:


> And some people are innately intuitive.



And sadly, some people get the intuitiveness knocked out of them

ie You're crazy. / You're paranoid./ You rush to judgement / Can't you give this person a second chance / and so on.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> And sadly, some people get the intuitiveness knocked out of them
> 
> ie You're crazy. / You're paranoid./ You rush to judgement / Can't you give this person a second chance / and so on.


Totally agree... my intuition has taken a severe beating. It's still strong, but has gaps now.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I don't think my instincts have failed me. It's just that I have often failed to heed them in the past.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

marduk said:


> Yes. Love is the ultimate vulnerability. Or it doesn't work. I tried, very hard. It just doesn't.
> 
> You can keep your head in the game and pay attention and swing a few percentage points in your favour maybe. At best.
> 
> ...


That's why I need my intuition to play a part, to read all the red flags, there has to be a way to determine if what I am feeling is what I want to believe or if it's a fog to hide away all the red flags that I would identified otherwise.

I have been quite aware with my past lovers in many aspects but not all. But I want to be able to cover all the angles.



> Or leave you one day because a cosmic ray hit the exact right synapse at exactly the right time.
> 
> Or get hit by a bus. Or a million other things.
> 
> That's just life.


These things are out of my hands and I do not expect to be able to be safe from that.



> Don't confuse blame with possability. You can blame all you want, but it won't make you any safer.


I beg to differ, as blaming myself leads to me accepting my own stupidity, and when I've accepted my own stupidity I tend to be able to accept that I need to fix my stupidity and hence end up wiser in the future. And when I'm wiser, I'm safer.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> That's why I need my intuition to play a part, to read all the red flags, there has to be a way to determine if what I am feeling is what I want to believe or if it's a fog to hide away all the red flags that I would identified otherwise.
> 
> I have been quite aware with my past lovers in many aspects but not all. But I want to be able to cover all the angles.


You can't. 

You can either accept that and refuse to love, or accept it and love. Either way could hurt for different reasons.

But you have to accept that you cannot cover all the bases. There is no such thing as "affair proofing" your marriage. None.

It's like having kids. You roll the dice and do what you can, ultimately knowing it's out of your control what happens.



> These things are out of my hands and I do not expect to be able to be safe from that.


My point is that you're not safe from anything.



> I beg to differ, as blaming myself leads to me accepting my own stupidity, and when I've accepted my own stupidity I tend to be able to accept that I need to fix my stupidity and hence end up wiser in the future. And when I'm wiser, I'm safer.


Perhaps marginally. You might be 1% safer. But you'll never even approach 100%.

We are pattern matching animals. We encounter things that hurt us, and we assign patterns to them in an attempt to give them meaning and keep us safe.

We do it to random things, too. Or things so complex that they might as well be random.

And life and love are orders of magnitude more complex than you will ever be able to understand enough to keep you safe.

Do what you can, then forget the rest and try to enjoy your life.

Roll the dice.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I've managed to affair-proof all my relationships thus far =/
Starts from the very beginning, and what type of woman she is, what situations she puts herself in, how she deals with responsibility, how honest and transparent she is, alot of factors.

The problem with love is that it's a fog, once time passes and if the love subsides, the red flags become very... VERY visible. So in the end, intuition does pick it up - from my experience, 100% of the time, it's there but when theres a fog you simply can't see sh-t! I just fear the time when it becomes 99%, as that for me - is unacceptable.

Education/experience does fine tune the ability to detect and decipher intuition sure, but the raw instinct, has always been there for me. Hence I ask, because I still believe it is possible, to keep my senses operational in the midst of the fog. I trust my intuition, but I know what love does.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Well, I've managed to affair-proof all my relationships thus far =/
> Starts from the very beginning, and what type of woman she is, what situations she puts herself in, how she deals with responsibility, how honest and transparent she is, alot of factors.
> 
> The problem with love is that it's a fog, once time passes and if the love subsides, the red flags become very... VERY visible. So in the end, intuition does pick it up - from my experience, 100% of the time, it's there but when theres a fog you simply can't see sh-t! I just fear the time when it becomes 99%, as that for me - is unacceptable.
> ...


Human beings are non-deterministic animals with very old drives and shiny new neocortexes living in a chaotic universe.

Your instinct can only ever tell you when something is wrong.

And at that point something is already wrong.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

True, but at least it gives me time to put the shields up


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> As in, did something happen and you didn't see it coming?
> 
> Like - normally even when sh-t happens when looking back you can normally see the signs yes? Then you learn what to look out for in the future correct?
> 
> ...


I have found my instincts completely unreliable.

Back before I gained a measure of emotional stability...well, just an example.

I was in my late 20s. Worked for a little company. We'd been invited to make a bid on a fantastic project - it would be the right "next size up" to make the company grow and it would be fabulously public and be part of amazing scientific advancements. An outsider had been hired to help us write the proposal. The CEO and VP were both out of town during the writing, had put the outsider in charge of the work.

The process dragged horribly. I felt I was responsible for the outsider, since he's someone I knew before and had introduced him to the company managers. But my gawd, did he through used-car talk into his writing!!! "The proof is in the pudding" does not belong in a proposal for a scientific instrument, being presented to a scientific customer!

The team would agree on a re-write, telling Ron "do this". Ron would "do this", but never the way he was asked (even if in writing) and then he'd throw in another used car line like "You could trust us with your wife".

One night, I blew up at him over the phone. I didn't use bad words, but I referred to his obesity, his sloppy clothes, and things that didn't matter. I was WAY out of bounds.

The proposal got written, it was cumbersome, but I thought carried the right info. We took second place and someone else got the job.

Right after we got that info, I was called into the CEO's office. He and the VP were there, and I humbled myself for the punishment due me for blowing up at the expensive consultant and for not leading to a winning proposal.

But - they gave me a $5,000 bonus for something unrelated that had happened two years earlier...and which I thought nothing of at the time.

This is classic for me. 

I've been laid off about a half dozen times in my life and it was always a surprise. When I thought a layoff was imminent, I'd take action, move departments, etc. And I'd find out later that there'd been no layoff.

So...

I finally read Susan Jeffer's "Embracing Uncertainty", which helped me be OK with absence of intuition and being OK ... and even LOVING, life's uncertainties.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

When it comes to people I have terrible instincts, in almost every other category I have relatively good instincts. I wish I knew that 30 years ago...or at least second guessed myself out of some bad decisions.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

I don't know if this counts, but apparently I am oblivious to things. For example, I didn't know that my ex-wife was in the midst of an EA until my best friend notified me he saw something different about her. Then I caught on and caught her before it became physical, then we got divorced. But had he not pointed out her acting differently, I'd probably be a cuckold, loser husband today.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Jayg14 said:


> I don't know if this counts, but apparently I am oblivious to things. For example, I didn't know that my ex-wife was in the midst of an EA* until my best friend notified me he saw something different about her.* Then I caught on and caught her before it became physical, then we got divorced. But had he not pointed out her acting differently, I'd probably be a cuckold, loser husband today.


Interesting. Can you give more detail?


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> Interesting. Can you give more detail?


The way she acted, and how she carried herself when this EA was going on. One night she was texting on her phone and the way she was sitting, he said she looked like she would've touched herself if we weren't in the house.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Absolutely have and paid a terrible price for it.

Took me nearly three years to undo the damage from a BPD female "friend" who tried to destroy me out of pure jealousy of what I had and she didn't.

I've posted about her previously.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Interesting topic - my assistant just finished her last day here (she did a great job, but had to leave to spend more time with her kids). Her replacement who starts next week - just have a funny feeling that this isn't going to work out. She was training with her predecessor, and predecessor keeps telling me that she thinks she'll be fine, but my gut tells me something else. Maybe I'm so used to having someone here that can do the work without me having to watch her every minute that I'm setting the replacement up for failure, but I don't think so. 

This happened before about five years ago - had the assistant leave (again, on good terms), and hired her replacement. She trained with the predecessor, who told me she thought she'd be fine. However, I had a weird feeling about the new one - she's one of those people who will always smile but it seems fake/forced. It just didn't feel right. Needless to say, received a text that night from the new one that she didn't want the job after all. 

Point is my instincts didn't fail me five years ago - I had a feeling that something was up, and I was proven correct. Afraid this is going to happen again - hope I'm wrong.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I usually have good instincts when it comes to other peoples' situations. When it comes to my own situations, "Instincts" become more like "Random Wild Guesses".


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