# So unsure



## married10yrs (Jan 2, 2011)

I have been married to my husband 10 years now. We have always had problems, sexual, trust, money. Anyways he goes to a psychiatrist about his depression and was told his testosterone levels are down and it's because of his diabetes and his weight ( the weight makes him look pregnant ). We got on the topic of how I don't like how much weight he has gained and how I am not as attracted to him as such. Now I am far from some model thin woman as well, we both were a lot less when we were newlyweds. Our first year together he gained about 80 pounds and I gained a bunch as I got prego. Anyways I told him I was attracted to him at that time as he was the one who was the most in shape from all the eligible men. This has made him so upset that he has now taken up sleeping on the couch. He has never slept away from me even when we have fights. I think I am missing a bit of info from this discussion, but I can't remember it at the moment.

I have found myself contemplating divorce many times in the last year or so but this time I really feel like pursuing it. Please be honest with your thoughts on my post. 

There is really so much more to this relationship. We have two kids together, 7 and 9. He has said many times to me that if it weren't for them he'd have left a long time ago. We both have come from divorced families. He has it in his head to not be at all like his father and he hasn't slept around and cheated on me...He is there for the kids he says goodnight to them. 

He recently got a new job and today he is getting his first paycheck. We need to pay some bills etc but I asked him if I could come pick it up so I could do this and he said no. 

I don't work as much nor do I make as much when I do. After him being out of work for 8 months him getting this check will help out but now we are having this problem. What do I do?


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

Hey "married10yrs",

Wow, I get the feeling that we're only seeing 5% of the picture here, so its kinda hard to make any concrete suggestions. Both of you though seem unhappy with each other and fine with separating if it were not for the kids.

The fact that he doesn't want you to pick up his paycheck makes me think he's planning on hiding some of the money from you. Maybe he's stashing some for leaving you, not sure.

Have you suggested marriage counseling? I know it's cliche to suggest, but it really is a good thing to try before giving up. At least you'll be able to tell your kids you tried everything. Maybe you can tell him that too to encourage him to go.

Maybe tell your husband that you're primary reason for wanting to help him lose weight is so that he'll be healthy. If he's that overweight then he's risking a heart attack and that's not fair for your kids that he's risking them not having a father when he could be doing something about it. Encourage his diet by making the whole family more active. Go to the park and go on walks. Buy healthy food and pack him some fruits and yogurt to eat at work. Try to communicate that you're being supportive vs judmental.


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## e.dawne (Mar 7, 2011)

I think that maybe #1 you need to talk to him. maybe come to him with a plan on how to spend the money in the house- ( i know money is SO HARD to talk about!). I agree with hoops it seems like he might be hiding it from you, and if thats the case then you need to tell him outright he need to contribute. About the sleeping issue- again you need to talk to him, it sounds like he took it pretty hard and maybe if you clarify yourself, talk to him about it more. I know sometimes you just need to be upfront about things..... and you told him how you really felt. It sounds like for him-that there has been more problems before all of this. usually weight gain means someone isnt happy (i should know  ) maybe ask him what he is unhappy about- what he thinks needs to change? I hope this helps....if you need more advice-please post more info! :smthumbup: Good luck!!!


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