# dazed ,confused, separation, love and divorce?



## Tyrant77 (Sep 12, 2016)

So my wife of just under 10 years and I have been going through a lot of rough patches over the past 3 years since our youngest child was born. We have 2 kids and truly love each other. Spent almost all of that time together 24/7 literally. I would normally want to be exited about this, but in the last couple years her attitude has just went down and a unemotional wall came up in its place. I dont know if thats the drugs numbing her and her only feeling healthy when she is n zombie mode, and I find myself really regretting that I gave into her constantly felling like I was inadequate jobless loser. She started a few years ago just taking off when she was mad with the kids, then it went to by herself over the last year. Then a few times gone all night. I know what most of you are going to say I get it possibly cheating thats not what i am after here that does not help you either way. Dude she cheating or she doesnt care or love you maybe so,hard to be loved when you dont act like you want it(me) .She has had a substance abuse problem for a couple years now. I tried to help her on my own I was embarrassed confused and hurt that she did not care or love me or our babies. She has probably abandoned us around 20 times in the last two years. Obviously she is running to get a fix or going around others that except that behavior. She is addicted to prescriptions drugs and alcohol, and no I never tried to get her into treatment. I was to worried about embarrassing her or getting her arrested and having the kids upset. She was stealing my meds i use for panic attacks and did it on regular basis as well as taking her own. I get it probably her trying to cry out for help..The point is that I have no experience dealing with family member that was around me that i could help and when you love someone you have a weird protective mode that tries to enable them i guess other then doing what she actually needed. I tried to reach out to a few close relatives however no real help and made it worse they enable as well her side of family have substance abuse problems to. So when i brought it to there attention it was like i was talking about the weather. I was scared to put it nicely I have lost 40 lbs muscle dealing with the stress of the abandonment and the drug problems over the past 2 years. constantly worried she was going to take kids and leave me which she has threatened numerous time and done as well as worried she is going to die in her sleep or kill someone with her car. Yes we had little income etc..but i was in the struggle with her fighting for work and dealing with her issues but thats part problem there blaming her for me not being stronger with her. I have told her numerous times you dont love me you dont want this situation to anymore we can separate and move on if i dont make you happy. She would always state over and over how much she loved me and that i am what she wants. 
Again same problems me not knowing how to help her.

The problem is now that i had just had to move on to certain degree and be realistic and get healthy again put back on some weight etc,she keeps flirting sending me wife pics initially then being playful acting like she wants sex and touching me coming over no panties on talking sexual etc..saying we are going to have dates. Saying that she loves me wanting affection hugging holding hands kissing me. Then she would stop to encounters or just outright lie and never follow through with coming over or calling me for that matter. Then one one night a month ago my wife and kids are at my window at around 11 pm after a steamy conversation which she basically talked about sex how much she wants me etc..We she comes in she has a skirt on i think maybe a top anyway that s it no panties nothing else yes my kids are there as i stated sex....NO She had a fight with her mother when she overheard her talking dirty to me and she was kicked out along with my kids and yes she had been drinking only two glasses'"wink wink". Mother basically said after i spent all the money on a attorney your just going to run back to him just that soon. She stayed the night during that night she was worried about her mother more then driving across town drunk with my kids. Again no sex and she was more worried about her mother then me and the kids like she just left her husband. I tried a technique that my counselor wanted me to try which is to propose to her again which i know sounds desperate and if you knew me its not me. Basically own up to your mistakes but to show her value and let her know your going to be the man she met in the beginning. I then offered to her that when i get my paydays that she could tell her mother i would pay her back for her expenses and the like.She got sick in the morning from stress and alcohol then said she needed to go talk to her mother and she would be back later then changed it to I need to just go find out what s going on so she took the kids along with her around 7 am 6 hours goes by no call never showed up i texted her and said on yes think you for letting me stay last night that was nice of you.
So then we talked i asked her if she told her i would pay her back she she she didnt. So a week or so goes by She brings the babies over and I use the car that day while she is at work while in the car I basically stated like i would a few more times look if your gong to divorce me lets not drag it out dont want you forced to be with me or fight for something she doesn't want lets just settle this before we go to court. She said no just like she would for the next few weeks and days that she is just separating from me she said she told the attorneys secretary that thats what she wanted. Then proceeded to hug and kiss me and tell me she loves me. She stated she does want to work on our relationship I asked by whom we agreed a counselor we both love thats like family member we both agreed i set it up and yes she wormed her way out of it basically staying home from work sick kid who i had just taken to the doc day before. so that she would have a reason to make up the work on the day of the session.
Then i started pulling back and she kept calling texting I said what you think of us writing letter to each other. She said great idea,i wrote mine and no i never got one. Shocked? Me either which is fine as log as i am doing right thing for our family making every effort. I never threw that in her face or wined never brought it up again, Then she calls for me to talk to kids,really her sometimes at night after trying come up with reasons most of the week to text she basically wants to know what im doing and also very jealous of me asking who have i talked to am i seeing anyone asking me if i have had sex then accused me of having an affair. Which i never have I have only until now told not a sole but my mother and my counselor. This situation repeats itself weekly tells me she loves me hugs kisses,and teasing then nothing for a few days. Again repeats herself separation thing but when i call court house they say they only Div on file. I finally bring it to her attention she gets angry said" you can file for divorce if you want i am just separated like iv told you 1,000 times." I can go on on with these stories but writing it i see how redundant it is,all i wanted is honesty that it. No one has to string you along. She Finally was getting more warm over the weekend when she took me to the store to buy a phone i had to borrow someone else and only had it for emergencies so she really was not able to contact me as frequently she does not seem to like that. She buys it ,we have some fun together good conversation no heavy talk she very flirty pulls back then takes me to another store then actually i started to enjoy her company and we then go back to my house where i finally felt the erg to hug kiss her tell her i love her she embraces me and very warm affectionate kiss and hug. Tell kids goodbye. Then few hours later she starts texting after gave her new number. Then the jealousy thing starts up because its only about once a month where I dont have the kids here on a week end. She then gets jealous when we were texting asked me if i " had already starting texting other women" etc..I played along with for a few min BC as you guys know reading this dictionary of a post that I am writing that I only talk to my male counselor and my mother and dont talk to my mother about my relationship. Then calls me half hour later a little small talk then asked me to call her few min i stated you never pick up when i call you always send me to voice mail, guess what i call went straight to voicemail. I text her I called she gets back with me Sunday morning said my daughter had phone ran out battery and started she had read a day planner i gave her back that cronacled my wife's pregnancy with our first child and birth and all the appointments we had and naming baby etc.. Me helping her certain things she "had forgotten about, she said she almost cried" As I was asleep and not up at 7;00 am on Sunday since i cant sleep most weeks I didn't respond in time to have a conversion. Two days go by which brings us to today no kid which i watch every Monday morning and no call no text until an hour ago where she sends me a pic of her and probably her mother at the local pizza arcade with my kids. "i took kids to ____Sunday" like she rubbing my nose in it like look what you missed out on.

Where I was wrong she would agree would be lack of work lack of effort and eventually yelling in front of our babies. ,,,. 



Emotionally, im just spent and was frustrated but i am getting better now healthier. I feel like bad for thinking that way because thats how i wanted to feel with her, but again, I want and need some semblance of happiness in my life. very stressed out man that loves his family and adores his wife i just cant think anyone this cruel and i know shes not. I am sure she is hurting to just dont want our girls to be stable environment. I can forgive her and will and do but,days are getting closer to big D day. 
dazed confused,


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OK... all of this is about how terrible she is.

After reading that, you both have serious issues. So stop trying to fix your wife.

Instead look at you children. They need at least one parent who is a functioning adult.

You need to pull yourself together and fix yourself. That way you can properly take care of your children. That has to be your focus. 

Only after you are a functioning adult can you even consider fixing your marriage.

So what are you doing to do to fix yourself?

What are your problems that need to be fixed?


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## Tyrant77 (Sep 12, 2016)

actually eating,working out again,prayer,counseling daily with professional,giving her space,i have taken care of kids 90%of the time. Realized early on i cant fix her this more me venting by writing it out well past fix her stage that went on last 2 years or more.And when i allowed myself to be controlled thats a huge problem maybe worse then what shes doing. How can she feel stable if i wasn't. Actually tired of accepting ,taking all blame blame now just work on getting healthy.And i am doing so its just when i just start living my life here she comes. i have done more harm here with her then she has done she has right live her life as she sees fit.either way we have deal each 16 more years.Want to at least communicate about kids its difficult its all about her.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Do you have a job?

Who's paying your bills?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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