# he cant keep it up



## jennds09 (Jun 3, 2012)

okay, a little background. my husband and i have been married for almost 4 years. we usually have a pretty great sex life. the only issue is that the past few months my husband has been having trouble keeping his erection. it usually only lasts for maybe 10 minutes. he is only 28. not on any medication. so im not sure what could be going on. im starting to think i dont turn him on anymore. i dint really know what to do about it. o have talked to him about it and he said that it isnt me. he said that he isnt sure whats going on with it either but it has nothing to do with me. any ideas? im at a loss and im wanting our sex life back.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

He needs to see a doc.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Could be ...*Perfomance Pressure *.. once a guy has it fail -for whatever reason, he will keep thinking about it, and thinking about it, worried this will happen again -and this FEAR inhibits his erection. It always works that way, till he can get his mind off his member. 

THere are exercises called "*Sensate Focus*" that sex therapists instruct their clients to use to help overcome this. I caused my husband this for a time , I bought this book - did some of those exercises and we overcame it :

Sexual Healing: The Complete Guide to Overcoming Common Sexual Problems 


Is he masterbating too much? Then when it is time for couple sex, he is all tapped out.

Could be a Testosterone problem... is he stressed at work, depressed, is he falling asleep after work? It is not very common for a man his age, but it can still happen. Generally other symptoms will be there- brain fog is another one . 

Is he taking depression meds or other meds that can interfere with his sex drive and performance?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

jennds09 said:


> okay, a little background. my husband and i have been married for almost 4 years. we usually have a pretty great sex life. the only issue is that the past few months my husband has been having trouble keeping his erection. it usually only lasts for maybe 10 minutes. he is only 28. not on any medication. so im not sure what could be going on. im starting to think i dont turn him on anymore. i dint really know what to do about it. o have talked to him about it and he said that it isnt me. he said that he isnt sure whats going on with it either but it has nothing to do with me. any ideas? im at a loss and im wanting our sex life back.


It is very likely not you...it is him. Performance anxiety is a gold plated SOB. It may not be that, but chances may be good that he just had an off day, week, whatever, and he has mentally let it get to him. Take it from a guy who has had PA since he was 16!

Don't make this about you. It likely is not, and will only add pressure to him. I had the problem, again, when my W and I met. It went on for a couple months. Despite my reassurances, she was insecure and thought it was about her...my attraction to her. She was wrong, but the added pressure was killing me. I finally had to put my foot down and told her "this is NOT about YOU, it is about ME! Stop being insecure and understand this for what it is, and help me by not pressuring me to perform". 

If you didn't know the problem existed with us, you'd never know. We go at it like bunnies now, and it is virtually NEVER an issue.

He should, however, get checked out by a doc to rule out physical problems. Once he gets a clean bill of health there, forget about it for his sake. Be supportive and understanding. It can get better (significantly so).


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

His diet may also be part of the reason. Is he getting enough protein?


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I think one question is what do you do when he can't get hard because that adds to the pressure as somebody said above,try ignoring it and getting him to go down on you instead because that way it might take his mind off his not getting hard and it will just start to happen.

You could also just have lots and lots of foreplay so he gets you off a few times before intercourse since you know it might not last that long.Try hive him HJ/BJ and just have fun trying to get him hard doing different things,I sure he will enjoy the hell out of it. 

I think you need to remember its not about YOU.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How's his health in general? Does he need to get in shape? Is he under stress in any other areas of his life?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Doctor is very important. ED can be a sign of other issues such as heart disease, high blood pressure or cardiovascular disease


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Doctor is very important. ED can be a sign of other issues such as heart disease, high blood pressure or cardiovascular disease


Yes, but even if there is no signs of stress/health problems then ask him to have a dr. give him cialis. Once a day 10 mg will do wonders. It's expensive, $120 a month and i doubt health plans pay for it but if you guys can afford that every month then please try it.

He/you will see a big change.


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## manoj148 (May 4, 2012)

theres a start stop method...
its used to strengthen THOSE muscles..
while urinating , so ask him to do it in steps..not to use hands ... 
start urinating , stop for around 5 seconds , again start ...
will help if he tries this for a month or so


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

One reason might be he is watching porn on the sly. Heavy porn use and masturbation drains a man of sexual desire for his partner because marital/long term relationship sex is seen as less stimulating than the porn and the feel of his own hand. This less than optimal level of desire when the guy does try to engage in partner sex can cause various kinds of male sexual dysfunctions.

Were the erection problems preceded by times when he would take a long time to ejaculate or he couldn't ejaculate during oral and/or intercourse? This, followed by trouble getting or keeping and erection is usually a sign of this porn "conditioning" especially if it happens after months or years of no sexual problems on his part.


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## jennds09 (Jun 3, 2012)

thank you to everyone. he isnt on any medication at all. he isnt out of shape or anything. he is only 130 pounds. nothing has really changed to make him more stressed and he has been working the same amount that ha has been for years. and he really isnt that much into porn. he will watch it every once in a while or we will watch it together and thats about it. and between working and me and 3 kids, the only time he would have to masturbate is in the shower. so im not sure what is going on.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

[Heavy porn use and masturbation drains a man of sexual desire for his partner because marital/long term relationship sex is seen as less stimulating than the porn and the feel of his own hand]

I totally disagree with all that and for some reason it seems that BS is getting out there by people all the time,I have done both for a long time and have a great sex life like the majority men,I imagine men have been rubbing them out since Adam saw he had something between his legs and since then men have kept doing it who have had great sex lives and the same with porn.Back in the day Doctor Ruth preached Masturbation. 

I say before you go to the doctor try the simple simple stuff I suggest and if that does not work go to the doctor.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

dubbizle said:


> [Heavy porn use and masturbation drains a man of sexual desire for his partner because marital/long term relationship sex is seen as less stimulating than the porn and the feel of his own hand]
> 
> I totally disagree with all that and for some reason it seems that BS is getting out there by people all the time,I have done both for a long time and have a great sex life like the majority men,I imagine men have been rubbing them out since Adam saw he had something between his legs and since then men have kept doing it who have had great sex lives and the same with porn.Back in the day Doctor Ruth preached Masturbation.
> 
> I say before you go to the doctor try the simple simple stuff I suggest and if that does not work go to the doctor.


There has been one huge sea change in the equation in the last 10 years which makes the porn users of the past seem mild and innocent compared to today and that of course is the internet. "Rubbing one off" to playboy was OK but could never compete with the real thing for sure.

But today you have an unlimited variety of fantasy sex partners and an infinite variety of sex acts, all in High Definition to chose from all with a few clicks of a mouse...it's mostly free now and is often impossible to resist, especially for married men or men in long term relationships. The experience of masturbation to today's porn is so powerful that many men are coming to prefer it to partner sex. This is what I was referring to when I responded to the O.P.

If you doubt this just Google "Husband Prefers Porn to Me" or "Husband is a Porn Addict" and you'll see what I mean.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

1) Have him see the doc.

2) Be very positive about this with him. A negative attitude or pressure from you can make any psych factor much worse. Don't say you are unfulfilled or go unsatisfied. Don't say he isn't a real man. Make it a positive thing that you want to be sure his health is ok (cardiovascular, BP, prostate, etc) so you want him to go to the doc. Then be sure to tell him that it is no big deal to you that this is happening, that you don't want him to worry about it.

3) As soon as he has problems switch to something completely different. Take all focus off of his erection. The more you try to stimulate him, the more he will be focusing on how he is soft!

4) Tell him how much you enjoy the things he does with his other body parts.

5) Give him permission to get "off script" from your usual sex session. Give him permission to just do what he wants when he wants.

6) Cut out alcohol. For most men a couple of drinks are enough to start causing problems. But for others even one is too much. Or conversely, he can try a drink to relax if he doesn't normally drink.

7) Did I say yet: BE POSITIVE in every way with him about this. Don't act like it is a big deal or in any way disappointing to you. Be positive that things will be fine.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

could be lots of things, I agree with the other posters, see a doc. I've heard of 25 year olds having to take viagra. could be another issue all together.


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