# wtf...



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Reality hit today...like a smack in the face. Hard. My marriage isn't ending...it's 'over'. It's a matter of finances and 'stuff'. And I'm never going to see him again. There's no running across him...or passing him or reconciliations or the like...won't be watching my cell for a 'text' or getting phone call...nothing. 'My situation' doesn't call for that...not with an OFP. Without an OFP I would never have been able to properly heal and deep down I know this...I could never have managed this properly. Healthy. It would never have worked. I would have lived scared and been sick all the time. etc... I had to do this for my own sanity and for my own good...but no matter how much I tell myself that I can't stop hurting deep within my gut and heart and mind right now. He had plenty of time to see the light and tell me he would get help and want us to work...but didn't. He did the things he'd done then walked out the door...I wasn't even worth a phone call.. he couldn't even end it like a man. Not one phone call. 

You stupid fxking jerk. I hate you. You ruined my dreams...you left me dormant and shallow...a shell of a woman...hollow and financially destitute. And here I sit...knowing I permanently made it so there is no way to reconcile for my own sanity. I had to stop the madness to save myself. And here I sit aching inside for the good part of what was once us. The part that didn't matter to you! The part you turned your back on! You are one fxkd up dude! I wasn't a bxtch a nag or the like! its called a communicator!! 

You were a passive aggressive selfish azzwhole coddled by your parents! You think that's love? You come from one fkd up family! You recognized at one point what did work for us but it was too hard for you to stay good!!! and too hard for you to say sorry...and work at being 'normal' and good and do what was right in this marriage. You took the easy way out! You had it made with me...a woman with the thick skin that was needed deal with your crap and willing to work through this stuff had you owned it that is...and gotten help. 

I sit here and feel things I don't want to feel about you! I don't want to miss your sorry [email protected]@! Your a dxick! Your an abusive womanizing loser! I hate what you have done to me! I hate still loving you and thinking about you and hate having you have that hold still on me! I want you to get out of my heart right now!!! Get out of my heart and out of my head like I got you out of my life and out of my job!!! Get out!! I hate craving you! I hate all of you! I hate myself for even having a damn day of anything of feeling of anything to do with you! You have taken enough of me already! I hate that your making me cry and I hate that I'm lonely for you! 

You put me in a position I have never wanted to be in! 
I'm surrounded by the things of you and to get rid of them all would be impossible! I hope your sins catch up with you I hope you end up so mentally fxckedd up you can't think straight and you end up in a rubber room. I hope your 40 yr old jobless ass can never leave your parents place because your stuck there supported by them as long as you breathe oxygen! I hope that I have have had some how affected you and infected you as much as you have me because your the one who truly deserved it. I tried...you see Dr. Jekyll... I tried...I worked...I did the right things while your abusive selfish azz walked all over me...then walked out. 

Because I wanted to communicate. And talk about 'why' you were the way you were and get you help...'that's why you left...
you selfish fxkin' pr*k... wow... 

You will forever keep your cycle of abuse you know...if you didn't want to own it with a wonderful beautiful thick skinned hard working...tolerant understanding woman such as me...you are forever screwed in your future you tadpole of a man. 
Good luck...

By the way...I will get over you...I don't know how...I don't know when...But I do know that I will. 

...and you will be comparing me...to every woman your with...and she won't be able to fill my shoes...she won't be able to 'get you'...or take care of you the way I did...she will get it all wrong...
...and one day Jekyll...it's gonna 'hit you'...

I was worth it....you going and getting help for... 

you fktard. 

-Stella


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

spent the day...just crying my eyes out...wow...came out of the blue...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm so ANGRY!!!!!!....and can't stop crying... wtf!!!!!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Let it all out. You have come to a crucial point. This is the soul cleansing that you need to really move on.

(((((HUGS)))))


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

...clearly not...feeling strong today...was strong for weeks...nope...

not today....can't stop crying....my entire face is swollen...heh...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I hate him...I fxking hate him...he changed the entire course of my life...
I didn't do anything to this guy...that's what kills me!! I stood up for myself...I wanted damn madness to stop!! I wanted him to treat me normally...not hit or be mean...or walk out! And 'talk' about it...not 'ignore' it...I wanted him to be sorry! Own it! Get help...

AND WHEN _ SPEAK N CAPS WHY DOES MY KEY*OARD DO THS????  CAN'T MAKE T NOT DO THS...*_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

*le* tooth key*oard actng werd n caps*


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe you need to turn the keyboard on & off. Mine does that once in a while.. and then it just starts working correctly again.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm sorry for your pain dear. You are stronger than you sometimes know, and you will fill yourself back up.

It hurts me to read threads in this section of TAM but I am so moved by the resiliency of so many people here, and Stella I have a sense you are remarkably resilient - it is so clear in your attitude and the emotions you express.

I just wanted to let you know I read this and and sending you some positive thoughts and want you to find your footing and your NEW direction in life - it can suck ass when its foisted upon us, but that is no reason that something truly amazing can't come from it.
bless...!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

no that's not it...it's like a setting or something...I turn it on and off all the time...it's when I hit the caps...capital u or a b...it's some kind of weird setting...
like I can't hit caps lock and type out a whole word or sentance...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stella, it's ok. You have done amazingly in your situation to be strong for so long. You had a fight on your hands and you fought it well. Sounds like this is a crash from that. You achieved your goal and that was keeping you going. 

Freedom can be scary.


----------



## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

Stella I am so sorry you are going through this...keep letting it out! I can relate so much to some of the things you are upset about - like caring enough to want to HELP THEM get past issue they have...having a thick enough skin to put up with their dysfunctions....but unfortunately they do not see it the way we do.

There ARE better days ahead. Mine is fairly new with him being out about 2.5 weeks now, I spent that entire first week raging and crying.....the last week and a half, I am kind of numb to it all realizing that I CANNOT FIX HIM....communication is our biggest issue - a lot of the issues could have been fixed long ago if he just TOLD ME what he was thinking....

Men do not get it. 

We cannot fix them, most do not even want us to "help" them - and forget about communication problems with them.

This is NOT YOUR FAULT. 

There WILL BE such a wonderful life ahead for you and the pain will pass......

If my marriage ends, I will relish in the fact that I am capable of a happy healhty relationship. I have been a good wife, and the counseling is helping me become and even better person....but he will still be unhappy, unable to communicate and will just hurt the next person he is with.....

....I think it will be the same for you......it gives me solace knowing this.....and hopefully you can see that so you can start to really heal...

{{{HUGS}}}}


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

I feel sad Stella and am so sorry seeing you hurt so much.Every letter you wrote,I felt myself conveying the same thing to the POS man who married me only to leave me forever.

Stella,you had to do what you had to do to keep your sanity and get a hold on life .It hurts because you were not the one to plan all this.

So it is all for the good.I just wish we and our families gat back the peace and happiness back.

I feel good that atleast you had the guts to do what needed to be done.Unlike me who silently took the **** and accepted that I am the abuser while the POS was a god-sent.

Its ok,just let it all out.Its a new beginning.A new day afetr a sad and abusive life.


----------



## TNman (Dec 24, 2012)

So sorry Stella, I could have written your post. My stbxw is a narcissist and has made me feel like you feel. I have gotten a lot of emotional support from Melanie tonia Evans web pages on narcissists. Good luck.


----------



## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Stella, so sorry you're hurting so much right now. You've fought the fight and stayed strong for so long, now you just need to release everything you've held in. Your destiny is bigger than this. xox


----------



## NewLife2013 (Dec 4, 2012)

Dear Stella,

I am sorry that you are dealing with setback. I have seen many of your posts on the forum here and you amazed me with your wisdom, strength and wittiness. There are days like this when it all comes back flooding. I guess you just give in to it, it will pass and you will achieve another milestone, a step closer to your new self.
I guess many of us here can completely relate how you feel. I personally feel I had only one shot at marriage and family life and with my H wanting to end it all after nearly 14 years, it seems my entire adult life was wasted and is pointless. . I still hope to R but if that is not the case, I hope to be a much better person that I was with him. You are getting there. 
Sending you some cyber hugs, take care and keep posting


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I feel a bit better today...slept the whole morning away...having coffee and of course with you guys...
it was a horrible night...I'm still in my funk but not quite as emotional...and yet my day has just begun...I have snow outside to shovel and errands to run. I just seem to be slowing down a bit again and not so 'gung ho'...I miss having people around...or a significant other...company...everyone busy having a life. My best friend lives a state away...and even though I could use the company I don't try all that hard to get someone to come over...if that makes any sense. 

I'm just slowing down...and feeling blue. Had to go too lawyer yesterday too and there was a list of 'stuff' stbxh wants back that he brought into the marriage...back to his tools and stuff...and furniture etc...

Yea whatever...cut me a check then...the ones you banked before you lost your job was my answer...

pppffttt.....You think I like signing your last name at the check out counter or any other time? I HATE it! 

I hate signing his last name...and I need to get his name 'covered' (tattoo) off my waist. ...I have lots of steps to take and it seems like a long road. I did take his pics of my cell the day of court after the OFP was granted... 

I have never ran a snow blower...no idea how to start one...there's one sitting in my garage...no clue if theres gas in it...I'm going to mess with that today...see what it does...maybe if anything it could be just something fun to wreck...


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Stella,

Hang in there!

This to shall pass!

After it passes, go out there and live your life. Let that miserable SOB see that you've moved on, righted your life and have found someone worthy of your love!


----------



## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your pain. Let it all out here where people understand. Big huge hugs.


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Stella, Hang in there, I am in the same boat as you. I took a drastic step yesterday by send my STBXW a let go email. In some sense it is a bit of closure for me that is both comforting and disturbing if that makes any sense? I would like to offer a little help with the blower if I may? 

1st and foremost is the gas that is in the tank. The gas needs to be good for the engine to start.
There should be either a lever called choke somewhere on there or a rubber button called primer. Open the choke fully or push the primer button until you can hear the gas whooshing. Continue to push the primer button until the whooshing stops.
Now it is time to try to start it. Pull on the ripcord as hard as you can. You should hear the thing "try" to start. If it starts on the first try most likely it will sputter for a minute until it warms up. Once it seems as though it is going to run though you will need to turn the choke off so that it runs normally. 
It may take several tries to get it to start. Try maybe 5 to 10 times. If you do not hear it "try" to run or it won't stay running you may have old gas in it that is no longer any good. If that is the case and the tank is less that 1/4 full, you can just add new gas and that should get it running. If it has more than that in the tank I would recommend finding a way to drain the tank into a gas can and refill it with good gas.
I hope this helps! HBP


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Stella,

See if you can find the instruction book to the snow thrower. If not in the house, go online and look it up based on manufacturer and model #!

Read it and follow all the steps!

You can do this


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I got halfway through heartbroke's post before realizing it was actually about the snowblower and not an analogy for life after divorce ! Ha...


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Stella: Let me join the choir is conveying my sentiments. I greatly admire your being able to vent because that is just something that I wish was in my nature.

Please know that we are here for you whenever you might come to need an emotional shoulder!


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Stella - its ok to take a few steps back. 

But keep this in mind...YOU LEFT.

You are strong enough to leave - how many women in this world are stuck in abusive relationships and NEVER LEAVE??? You have to give yourself credit for that. That is a huge thing to be proud of, even if you are feeling emotionally weak at the moment. 

And I totally understand the signing of the last name thing...ugh....I can't change mine until after March and it DRIVES ME FRICKEN INSANE to sign the same last name as him, his kids, his first ex wife and his now his 3rd wife!!! 

You are such a beacon of hope for so many women out there...don't forget that, sweety. Vent all you need to, we are here for you.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

The anger is another stage of grief, Stella -- you're right on track, m'girl. Like everyone else here has said, feel it, express it, and keep moving forward. 

You don't need _him_ or want _him_. You want what you thought you had. You're absolutely right -- it's the reality that's hitting you now that the adrenaline of getting the OFP is done. It's just the plain old sucky life again. 

But, Jeezus, Stella, you're a fighter. You wouldn't have gotten this far if you weren't. The downtimes are temporary pauses on the move forward. I remember knowing with my heart and soul that it was over with NearlyEx, and that I didn't want to go back to the mindfvck of living with him -- but yet, seeing him, or hearing a song, or some stupid thing would run me through the ringer for a couple days. It's part of what keeps us with guys like them even when they're being abusive. Our minds get messed up, too, and it takes a while to sort that out. Keep going to your DV group and your therapist. Keep venting here. It will get better.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Stella - its ok to take a few steps back.
> 
> But keep this in mind...YOU LEFT.
> 
> ...


He left...I didn't chase this time. But I waited for him...he didn't come home...he never came home on his own..he just didn't want to take responsibility.. 

Yea I sign my name and use the first letter of my last and then a straight line....lol...angry signature now...

Thanks for listening to me


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> The anger is another stage of grief, Stella -- you're right on track, m'girl. Like everyone else here has said, feel it, express it, and keep moving forward.
> 
> You don't need _him_ or want _him_. You want what you thought you had. You're absolutely right -- it's the reality that's hitting you now that the adrenaline of getting the OFP is done. It's just the plain old sucky life again.
> 
> But, Jeezus, Stella, you're a fighter. You wouldn't have gotten this far if you weren't. The downtimes are temporary pauses on the move forward. I remember knowing with my heart and soul that it was over with NearlyEx, and that I didn't want to go back to the mindfvck of living with him -- but yet, seeing him, or hearing a song, or some stupid thing would run me through the ringer for a couple days. It's part of what keeps us with guys like them even when they're being abusive. Our minds get messed up, too, and it takes a while to sort that out. Keep going to your DV group and your therapist. Keep venting here. It will get better.


I love you angel.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Stella: Let me join the choir is conveying my sentiments. I greatly admire your being able to vent because that is just something that I wish was in my nature.
> 
> Please know that we are here for you whenever you might come to need an emotional shoulder!


Just been feeling like I want to scream...just scream! 

Would freak out the dogs tho...lol...and my parrot!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Lon said:


> I got halfway through heartbroke's post before realizing it was actually about the snowblower and not an analogy for life after divorce ! Ha...


LMAO! 

Tried messin with the snowblower b4 I got back on here...I found the primer button...squished that a few times...flipped some on lever...no idea what that was or what a choke is or where it is...pulled the string...it sounded as if it could start ...but was still 'off' or missing something...yea checked for gas...ok there...but never laid my hands on one...

As for the primer squished it a few times and heard it squirting..but didn't do it until no squirting..lol...smelled gas so flooded it? Lol...smelled gassy after pulling the string a few times..

Had to run errands after but really wanna use this thing..should go online and look it up....see if that will help me...not sure it will..I really want to do this...

No Manuel for it...dxick wad bought it used...either someone shows me..or I figure it on my own...has some automatic start button...and a pull string...weird...haha...sure didn't automatically start..ha! 

As I said I just went out there Helter skelter...never stood before one b4...it was most comical ...

I do have 4 Wheel drive so bolted out of my driveway anyway...long damn thing with a hill...dam thing


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> Stella, Hang in there, I am in the same boat as you. I took a drastic step yesterday by send my STBXW a let go email. In some sense it is a bit of closure for me that is both comforting and disturbing if that makes any sense? I would like to offer a little help with the blower if I may?
> 
> 1st and foremost is the gas that is in the tank. The gas needs to be good for the engine to start.
> There should be either a lever called choke somewhere on there or a rubber button called primer. Open the choke fully or push the primer button until you can hear the gas whooshing. Continue to push the primer button until the whooshing stops.
> ...


Gonna hafta try again...lol...what's a choke? Where is that? And yea...I should look it up on the Internet...now I wk the next couple days...but I'm determined to learn this machine...ha! Out of curiosity now more than anything! 
That and I really do want to be able to clear my own driveway...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Just been feeling like I want to scream...just scream!
> 
> Would freak out the dogs tho...lol...and my parrot!


So instead of screaming sing. I've done that. The dogs love it. You can sing out loud, real loud and put your own words do it. When we are angry it helps to get it out in very way we can, crying, writing and using our voice. So sing to that big pup and the bird. ...... maybe dance while you sing.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Stella,
> 
> See if you can find the instruction book to the snow thrower. If not in the house, go online and look it up based on manufacturer and model #!
> 
> ...


I wish! 

He bought it used...

Going online is an option...at some point here...need to find time again...should be interesting....lol....

Does stella get the snowblower going....lol


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So instead of screaming sing. I've done that. The dogs love it. You can sing out loud, real loud and put your own words do it. When we are angry it helps to get it out in very way we can, crying, writing and using our voice. So sing to that big pup and the bird. ...... maybe dance while you sing.


Awesome idea...

I do this in my fj...

I am just so damn angry ...I really need to get to the gym...

...and get bent over a bench...er...do some benches...


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

LMAO, Stella, You are a trip! The choke is used so that more gas is sent to the carburetor because there is usually no fuel in there to start it. If this thing has automatic start it will usually be done one of two ways. There could be a button / key that you push or there could be a button and an electrical cord connection. What you would do would be to plug it in, set the engine to on, don't prime it at this point if you think you flooded it, and push the button. If you can get me the model number I can do some research and help you further...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Wtf...I'm laughing...having a margarita..I'm sooo going to give you more info on it...model number what not....yea...lol

I wanna get this sucker started...I unno what a choke is...haha...heard of one...but never been on my own before...I can mow a lawn...start a lawn mower...years ago ....reminds me....I don't even have a lawn mower now...dooshbag used the neighbors cos the one he brought to the marriage broke...haha..
I think there's clutch settings too? Something to the like...damn all kinds of levers n shxt. I know there's a headlight...HA!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Who's gonna clean my gutters?


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> Who's gonna clean my gutters?


I could be wrong, but I think you might have some difficulty getting the snowblower up on your roof... just saying...


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Who's gonna clean my gutters?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Who's gonna clean my gutters?


and MIss Stella gets the TAM "line of the week"






you are almost there stella....we are right with you...you fiesty beautiful strong free woman with a snowblower.  mwahs


----------



## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Awesome idea...
> 
> 
> *...and get bent over a bench...er...do some benches...*


This one gets my vote

:whip:


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hey Stella, check your PM's.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> LMAO, Stella, You are a trip! The choke is used so that more gas is sent to the carburetor because there is usually no fuel in there to start it. If this thing has automatic start it will usually be done one of two ways. There could be a button / key that you push or there could be a button and an electrical cord connection. What you would do would be to plug it in, set the engine to on, don't prime it at this point if you think you flooded it, and push the button. If you can get me the model number I can do some research and help you further...


I'm laughing so hard right now...you people have no friggin idea....and ele....your bad...sooooo bad....gosh I wish you were here....
You people need to come over! 

Ok...snowblower info (i can't even type that now with a straight face)

Yard machines..MTD
10HP/24"...electric start...
Two stage....12" impeller

5 forward...2 reverse....self propelled 
Model number 31Ae665E118

I think I got the info correct...just nosed around the thing and read off what I could...

This should be interesting...

Snow blowing 101 on TAM...

Yanno I will be 47 i think...(2-7-66) in two days...and I've never ran a damn snow blower...never to old to learn eh? 

Daxm long azz driveway with a hill...fing comical this will be...


----------



## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

That's a mighty big impeller....


----------



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Stella you were strong enough to LET GO-thats the biggest step. You have given me such great advice I wish I had words of wisdom to return. That tadpole of a man will never turn into a frog because he is a POS quitter! A runner! Screw him! You are doing great! Army of one!! now i cnt offer advice about the snowblower but im LMAO thinking of you figuring it all out.  and getting bent over a gym bench-lol good idea....great stress reliever 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> I'm laughing so hard right now...you people have no friggin idea....and ele....your bad...sooooo bad....gosh I wish you were here....
> 
> You people need to come over!
> 
> ...


You know, sometimes there are images that are so hard to get out of your mind. Ever notice that? :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I don't know if its' because I just had a drink, but there are several posts on this thread that have me lol right now. Quite a few good sig line candidates. :rofl:


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I am just so damn angry ...I really need to get to the gym...
> 
> ...and get bent over a bench...er...do some benches...


:lol:

Your killing me Stella


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella!!your thread has turned into pure fun!!I loved reading every post.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

see...she's smiling again.


woot hoot hoorayyyyy !




that's a day you can kick its butt and say goodbye too darling girl.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> ...and get bent over a bench...er...do some benches...


:lol::rofl:

You crack me up Stella, glad to see you fighting through. We've seen your pics. The former shouldn't be a problem when your ready!

You have every right to be angry, just channel it positively and remember, you ROCK.


----------



## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Allow yourself to feel, it's when you bottle them up or start running away from your feelings is what causes problems.

Cry, journal, vent to us on here. Take time to allow everything flow out.

Then move on.

You are beautiful and did what you had to do.

You are strong and you will get through this. It's just a matter of time. I promise.



Being in your situation...that wasn't living, it's time to start living sweetie.

Let go of all the sad and anger, the resentment, it's poison.

It's kind of like water skiing. You hold on to the rope but the first rule is if you feel off balance, LET GO OF THE ROPE. Or else you do what I did and hold on for dear life and go headfirst into choppy water getting battered and bruised in the process. But as soon as I let go, I was floating in calm water, and I was happy 

Let's say the choppy water is your anger, sadness, grief, especially negative thoughts about yourself. This whole thing has thrown you off balance and now your getting all banged and bruised up. By holding on to these thoughts, you are hurting yourself. So let go of the rope.


You deserve better.

Hope you start feeling better, xoxo.


You're on your way!


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Good Morning Stella,

Welcome to "Snowblower 101". I checked out the model number you provided and I think you will be blowing snow today! 

1) Find an electric extension cord. On the top of the engine you will see what looks like a electrical outlet. plug the extension cord into this plug and plug the other end into a wall outlet.

2) Set the lever below and to the left of the electrical outlet that has a picture of a turtle and a rabbit half way between the turtle and the rabbit. This is the throttle.

3) I am only going by a picture but it appears that to the left of that is the choke. Turn the knob to the right.

4) Go back to the electrical outlet on the top of the motor. On the top of the electrical outlet is a button. Push and hold the button until it starts.

5) let it run a few minutes until it sounds like it is going to quit. Put the choke back to the left and increase the throttle to the rabbit.

6) Have fun!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella, your decision for today:

Bench or blow...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Allow yourself to feel, it's when you bottle them up or start running away from your feelings is what causes problems.
> 
> Cry, journal, vent to us on here. Take time to allow everything flow out.
> 
> ...


Fantastic analogy...I see this...hanging onto the rope...and it hurts no one else but me. 
I will remember this analogy...I live on a lake...even own a boat (don't know what I'm going to do with it..another payment etc...most of me eventually just wants to leave for Wisconsin. And start new) ...but I see visually what your saying..and I like that...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Stella, your decision for today:
> 
> Bench or blow...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right now it's coffee...

Then it looks like I'm on the hunt for an extension chord...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> Good Morning Stella,
> 
> Welcome to "Snowblower 101". I checked out the model number you provided and I think you will be blowing snow today!
> 
> ...


There.was this flat plastic lookin piece..almost like a key type thing....I couldn't get it to turn in any direction yesterday..it just stayed still..what is that? I'm assuming the choke but it wouldn't turn..

...but I will go out and try this later today and see what happens...

Have to plug this thing in to start it? Weird...:scratchhead:

Haha..


----------



## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

I'm impressed! At least you're attempting using a snow blower... I've got the house and the lawn mower is starting to look damn daunting. I mean seriously, last time I tried starting it, it just didn't...  There are days when I wish I knew "guy" stuff (i.e. changing oil, tire, mow lawn etc.) and wasn't so ignorant!


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Stella, That is the choke. Try to use a little more force to turn it to the right but be careful that you don't break it. It very well may start without the choke on so if it doesn't move when you try to move it, give it a shot without the choke on.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

loveispatient said:


> I'm impressed! At least you're attempting using a snow blower... I've got the house and the lawn mower is starting to look damn daunting. I mean seriously, last time I tried starting it, it just didn't...  There are days when I wish I knew "guy" stuff (i.e. changing oil, tire, mow lawn etc.) and wasn't so ignorant!


Ppfffttt...il be back on here to have you guys get me through going under the house(where my furnace is) ....and mouse trapping season...it's either snap traps...or live with mice...and the latter is not an option...

It's really gonna freak me out ...mouse trapping...EW!

Ironically enough guys...it's snowing out right at this moment!

LMFAO!

...only me...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> Stella, That is the choke. Try to use a little more force to turn it to the right but be careful that you don't break it. It very well may start without the choke on so if it doesn't move when you try to move it, give it a shot without the choke on.


Yea yesterday it wouldn't turn in any direction...I will be going back out here after this coffee...

I need to find a chord...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> Stella, That is the choke. Try to use a little more force to turn it to the right but be careful that you don't break it. It very well may start without the choke on so if it doesn't move when you try to move it, give it a shot without the choke on.


So wait...I don't have to pull the chord at any point? There's a chord on it too..


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

You do not, once the electric cord is connected and you followed all the steps, the starter will crank the engine for you. No need to pull the ripcord.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

...and say I get it going...I'm half way down the driveway and it dies for some reason...obviously not near an outlet...

Then what?


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I don't believe that Red Key is a choke. On my snow blower, it is something like a safety switch. It has to be in, for the snow blower to run. Take it out and the snow blower stops. It doesn't turn. You will break it if you try to turn it.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> You do not, once the electric cord is connected and you followed all the steps, the starter will crank the engine for you. No need to pull the ripcord.


K..


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

The chord is there to use if you want. It is easier to use the electric start. Once it is warm, the chord should work fairly easily. It is there in case the machine stops when you are away from an outlet.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I don't believe that Red Key is a choke. On my snow blower, it is something like a safety switch. It has to be in, for the snow blower to run. Take it out and the snow blower stops. It doesn't turn. You will break it if you try to turn it.


Didn't seem like it was a turnable device...


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Just make sure the Red Key is pushed in all the way. When you are done, pull it out to stop the engine.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I don't believe that Red Key is a choke. On my snow blower, it is something like a safety switch. It has to be in, for the snow blower to run. Take it out and the snow blower stops. It doesn't turn. You will break it if you try to turn it.


Two red things...one not turnable...one I'm assuming is the choke! So ...score! Lol...

Got it plugged in...


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think I have the same type of snow blower as you. It is tough to start with the chord when it is cold. No wonder you had a problem.

All you should need to do is press the soft black primer a few times to get gas into the engine. Then plug it in and press the starter button on top. It should start fairly easily. The only thing I have had to do is adjust the throttle a bit to keep it running.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ok it wants to start...but I can't keep it started...I let go of button it stops


----------



## fallensoldier (May 6, 2012)

Oh man, my story exactly Stella. I could have written what you just said - word for word. I am so sorry you are going through this as well. I cannot offer any comfort as I am looking for that myself and that word just seems so foreign to me right now. ((hUGS)) .. all my love ...


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

make sure that the run switch is on and hit the primer one or two pumps and try again.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I DID IT! 
I snow blowed my entire driveway!!!!!!


Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> make sure that the run switch is on and hit the primer one or two pumps and try again.


THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUUUU! 

I snow blowed! HA! Wow! 

You people are amazing!!!!!!


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Glad I could help! I am proud of you! It brings a smile to my face knowing that you got it running. I haven't smiled for a while so this is a milestone for both of us!


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUUUU!
> 
> I snow blowed! HA! Wow!
> 
> You people are amazing!!!!!!


Good Job!!!!

Bet if felt good to have that machine vibrating in your hand!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Good Job!!!!
> 
> Bet if felt good to have that machine vibrating in your hand!


It's tuff to hold the levers down...squeeze like that...to make it go...

As for the vibrating...my teeth chattered....LMAO!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> Glad I could help! I am proud of you! It brings a smile to my face knowing that you got it running. I haven't smiled for a while so this is a milestone for both of us!


I sure couldn't have done it without you...all of you! 

The instructions made it all the better...

I'm smiling too...I'm in disbelief...that was a big deal to me...u see the pic! At the end of the driveway there's a pain in the azz hill..sux when icy...


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Woot!! Look at you go!! You probably felt like I did when I changed my battery and my headlights. Every little thing we do -- that we used to depend on 'them' for -- is another victory!! What's on your agenda next?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Just make sure the Red Key is pushed in all the way. When you are done, pull it out to stop the engine.


I stopped the engine by putting the lever to the turtle...was that wrong?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Woot!! Look at you go!! You probably felt like I did when I changed my battery and my headlights. Every little thing we do -- that we used to depend on 'them' for -- is another victory!! What's on your agenda next?


For today? Rest then work night shift..

I do need to go under the house to change air filter...never been under there before...it's a crawl space...that's a whole different kind of scary..


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> I stopped the engine by putting the lever to the turtle...was that wrong?


That will work too. Did it sound like it was going to keep chugging for a bit? Mine sometimes, doesn't seem to want to stop. 

Your driveway looks nice and clean. You will probably be waiting for more snow now.


----------



## justforfun1222 (Feb 6, 2013)

So sorry you are having such a bad day! Sending positive energy your way!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I think I have the same type of snow blower as you. It is tough to start with the chord when it is cold. No wonder you had a problem.
> 
> All you should need to do is press the soft black primer a few times to get gas into the engine. Then plug it in and press the starter button on top. It should start fairly easily. The only thing I have had to do is adjust the throttle a bit to keep it running.


When I hit the primer a few times it made all the difference...finally started smoother...at first it sounded like it wasn't going to cooperate


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

justforfun1222 said:


> So sorry you are having such a bad day! Sending positive energy your way!!


Huh? A bad day? 

You reading your threads correctly? I don't think you are...no bad day here...:scratchhead::scratchhead:


Oh! Yea ..my original post...! 

Gotch! Thank you justforfun....welcome to TAM ...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> That will work too. Did it sound like it was going to keep chugging for a bit? Mine sometimes, doesn't seem to want to stop.
> 
> Your driveway looks nice and clean. You will probably be waiting for more snow now.


Yea it did...I was actually thinking..."this dam thing doesn't want to shut off...how do I shut it off!" ...comical!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> For today? Rest then work night shift..
> 
> I do need to go under the house to change air filter...never been under there before...it's a crawl space...that's a whole different kind of scary..


I meant the next project you're going to tackle. So...the crawl space. Yeah. I dread that, too. A lot of the old houses here have those, so I might end up with one. You can do it though!! Bright flashlights, heavy boots, lol.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> For today? Rest then work night shift..
> 
> I do need to go under the house to change air filter...never been under there before...it's a crawl space...that's a whole different kind of scary..


You're not afraid of spiders, are ya?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> For today? Rest then work night shift..
> 
> I do need to go under the house to change air filter...never been under there before...it's a crawl space...that's a whole different kind of scary..


Gads! I hate crawl spaces... will not go into one. Nope. That's when I call someone to come help.

Well you done good with the snowblower!!! Way to go girl!!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> I meant the next project you're going to tackle. So...the crawl space. Yeah. I dread that, too. A lot of the old houses here have those, so I might end up with one. You can do it though!! Bright flashlights, heavy boots, lol.


Seriously? 

I'm talkin shots of tequila to get me under there...and that filter DOES need to be changed...furnace dude apparently has better things to do...

True tho..been sneezing up a storm..got dust allergies bad...I get allergy shots every 14 days...doing a series...lasts forever...also allergic to my dane...NEVER had pet allergies in my life...or allergies til these last three years...and now I get a shot in each arm!

Might sound really strange...but I think I was soooo stressed out being with this guy mt immune system got shot to shxt. Was never 'this' allergic to stuff...a little hay fever ..or dust...but now...ugh...
So I decided to go for the shots...I developed asthma also..these shots help with that as well. 

It's amazing...yanno...how our bodies are...mine got just 'sick' ...run down...I did have healthy periods tho from working out where I was cut and strong...I would just fluctuate....but the allergy stuff...wow...

But yea...need to change that filter...

There's creatures under there...like...boogy men...cyclops lookin things and trolls n shxt. They will poke me with their spears...and throw rocks at me and shut the door and trap me and hold me captive...I will never be seen again...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> Glad I could help! I am proud of you! It brings a smile to my face knowing that you got it running. I haven't smiled for a while so this is a milestone for both of us!


Do I just keep it plugged in then? While it sits there?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> You're not afraid of spiders, are ya?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I HATE SPIDERS. 

I have hedge balls all over the place here...sposed to help keep them at bay...


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Seriously?
> 
> I'm talkin shots of tequila to get me under there...and that filter DOES need to be changed...furnace dude apparently has better things to do...
> 
> ...



Ding ding ding!! That's exactly true, Stella. Since I haven't been with NearlyEx, I've been sick far, far less frequently. My allergies are better, too. Living under that constant stress is hell on the immune system. Another sign you're on the upswing, Stella -- your body's clearing all of his crap out of your system, then you're going to be sooo much healthier.

Boogey men? Cyclops? Pshaw -- you can handle them! I can picture you kicking sh!t around and giving a few good yells, lol. And we deal with trolls here on TAM all the time.


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> Do I just keep it plugged in then? While it sits there?


Nope, you can unplug it until next time.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Hey Stella!

Just catching up with you now

Way to go with the snowblower!

Did you ever figure out where the choke lever was and how to move it from the start position to the run position (sorry but I skipped through a lot of posts to catch up)

Now you know the basics of gas engines! Always look for a run/stop switch or lever and the choke!

Do you have the right size filters on hand for the furnance? Not to sound too dismissive but do you have a guy friend who could maybe show you how to do this? Would there be enough room for two of you under there?


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Hey Stella!
> 
> Just catching up with you now
> 
> ...




issed: :FIREdevil: :awink:


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> issed: :FIREdevil: :awink:


I knew someone was gonna get pizzed about this!

There have been MANY occasions where a woman has shown me how to do something, most recently excel pivot tables!

I am definitely NOT a sexiest. I am willing to stay home and be Mr Mom!

Put down the torch!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Hey Stella!
> 
> Just catching up with you now
> 
> ...


I do have a couple guy friends..but they live so far away..if I could get under there I could prolly figure it out. I have a filter ready to go. I could do it with my last house but had a furnace room..far less intimidating...
Old people around here...haven't made any friends..still sorta
new and I kept to myself...hopefully meet some people this summer but don't see many around. Especially during winter..


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Stella,

Take your phone with you under the house and take a picture of how the filter goes in (plus if you get ravaged by some millipede you could call 911 or the local exterminator)

One thing I should point out is that filters typically have an arrow on the side of them that show which way the air should flow through the filter. Check the new one you have and see if you can find the arrow

When you remove the old one, take it out and note which way the arrow is facing

Hope this helps!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I HATE SPIDERS.
> 
> I have hedge balls all over the place here...sposed to help keep them at bay...


I slay dragons in nightclubs.

I also squish spiders.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Was just told that my stbxh has a profile up on POF...

Nice....just what I needed to hear..

Whatever....

"I'm 40 yrs old and I live with my parents and I don't have a job because I lost it when my wife slapped a OFP on me because I'm an abuser" 

....wtf....ever...it still stings....what the he!!


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Screw Him!

Who cares what azzholes do anyway?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Was just told that my stbxh has a profile up on POF...
> 
> Nice....just what I needed to hear..
> 
> ...


Does he really say that on the site? Na... those are your words right?


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Stella, I have kind of been incognito licking my own emotional wounds, but I am sorry yesterday was so hard. I hate that he's reduced you to days of tears and yet, I know we just "met". You are stronger than you know, and amazing at how you have handed him over to the error of his ways. You have accomplished something many women cannot. And you are awesome for that.

I wish I could give you a IRL hug. Know that I'm thinking of you though, and wish you the best.


----------



## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Remember, the rope.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does he really say that on the site? Na... those are your words right?


lmao...no ele..it's what I'm saying...

no idea what his site says...i've never been there...and I don't need to look...it would crush me... to pieces... I don't need to 'see' it... part of me is curious...but it will hurt me badly... 

he was mine. as messed up as it was...he was mine...and now he's going to be someone elses.


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

He's also going to be someone else's PROBLEM.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Remember, the rope.


I am.. I'm trying too...

I just need to get over this sadness...the 'loss'...again...I was doing so dam well...after the OFP...the other day...it just 'hit me'...and now he's off on dating sites ...just movin' right along...with life...


----------



## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

I know how you feel, but he is messed up...you really think anyone else he manages to get will be better than you? Please. He was lucky to have you.

Now he will be someone elses headache.


You deserve better!


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Stella be sure to take a garlic necklace and a crucifix with you when you go under the house. It's a must!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> Stella be sure to take a garlic necklace and a crucifix with you when you go under the house. It's a must!


Ya...that's it! 

IM NOT GOING!


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Ya...that's it!
> 
> IM NOT GOING!


Hey, that ought to be a walk in the park compared to the ex. 
And don't forget, you mastered the snow blower in, what? Acouple of hours. piece of cake. Get down there.

And take your phone with.
You can send us photo updates from beneath the creaking floorboards.
Get going.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm at the plant now...working!


And it's friggin 11:30pm...the chances of you getting me under that house at night in the dark is slim to none! 


...an...I'm at work n stuff...


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Hmmmm ok. Work comes first. But it funner in the dark.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Today is my birthday as of a minute ago...so I get to do what I want!

I win!


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Today is my birthday as of a minute ago...so I get to do what I want!
> 
> I win!


:birthday: to you :birthday: to you :birthday:dear stella :birthday:to you


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Awwwww....thank you!!


----------



## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

Don't worry. One day you're going to look back and wonder what you were crying about. You're so much better off without this person. It's good to vent, as the weeks pass you will feel better. Once you do, take yourself out, go buy yourself something, or hang out with people who make you laugh. This really isn't the end of the world. Think of all the people out there who are now finally happy now that they got a divorce. This is the beginning of your happy life.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Happy Bday Stella!!


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Happy birthday Stella!


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Happy birthday Stella.

Hope you have a day as great as you are.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

*Stella!!*


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)




----------



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Happy Birthday Dear Stella!! May You Be Blessed With Joy And Happiness!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

:biggrinangelA:


mama2five said:


> Happy Birthday Dear Stella!! May You Be Blessed With Joy And Happiness!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wishing a very happy birthday Stella!!:smthumbup:


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Happy birthday, toots
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)




----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Stella,

Have a very Happy Birthday!

Think of today as your FIRST birthday. Beginning your life anew and without the heavy weight that was weighing you down before. You're now free of that constricting cord that was wraped around your neck, slowly strangling the life out of you.

Take care and do something nice for yourself when you get out of work!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Thank you so much everybody...it's nice to have seen the birthday wishes! I do have to work tonight. Was thinking of bringing in some cupcakes and cookies for the teammates...

Will be working the entire night shift...I'm ok with that...I would have had to gone under the house if I didn't work tonight anyway...lol...

Waking up with these bad headaches...I can only think it's that dam air filter...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

If it's causing headaches just get it done asap, sheesh, anything under there gives you trouble, unleash some Stella power on it's ass :2gunsfiring_v1:and it will be job done.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> If it's causing headaches just get it done asap, sheesh, anything under there gives you trouble, unleash some Stella power on it's ass :2gunsfiring_v1:and it will be job done.


Prolly tomorrow...already time to get ready for work run errands and head to the plant...takes time to process in since we are at outage...

yea..woke up terrible headache for this 47 year old...lol...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

of course I'm gonna hafta do pics...lol.. it's indeed scary under there...


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Waking up with these bad headaches...I can only think it's that dam air filter...


Is your CO detector working?


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> yea..woke up terrible headache for this 47 year old...lol...


Ahhh...yer just a whippersnapper 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

oopss missed your birthday!!!!

Well HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS STELLA 

love and peace to you xx


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

You didn't miss it! It's today yet...  

I'm at work...brought a tray of cupcakes in and cookies...


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Happy bday moon goddess!


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Happy Birthday!!!!


----------



## A-Step-Towards (Feb 7, 2013)

Happy B day


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I luv you guys...

thank you!!!


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

OHHHH-Happy Belated b-day!!!-A big hug from the guy south of you. On your air filter you should see an arrow as someone already pointed out and usually your filter is right in that vicinity.Nothing more than a flap that you pull out (most of the time)that keeps it it in place to keep it in the ventilation shaft.


----------



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Happy Birthday !!!!!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Get to work, Stella.
I'm having beers and shots in your honor...

You're welcome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Happy belated Birthday, Hope it was a great one. with even better to come!


----------



## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Happy belated birthday Stella I hope you woke up hung over with that surprised look on her face of what the hell happened?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

krismimo said:


> Happy belated birthday Stella I hope you woke up hung over with that surprised look on her face of what the hell happened?


Nope...I wish.. lol. 
I was at work... 

It's saturday night...I've had the whole weekend off and I just can't seem to muster up wanting to go out to do anything. I don't have many people to go out with or anything but I'm not even trying. I just can't do it. I just don't care too right now. I'm afraid to run into him and one of his plenty of fish dates...or whatever...I just don't need it. plus I don't have a circle of friends...I mean I could try and get ahold of one or two people to see what they are doing and have to drive somewhere in the cities maybe but i'm just not interested. 
also told to join dating sites...I'm just not ready. I'm just...not ready. As much as I'd love to spend some time with someone and have sex...I just don't seem to want it bad enough to get out there...I'm having a couple of down days...on my weekend off...pppfffttt....yea go figure. I've been tired a lot no doubt due to being depressed. 

I was doing well...but just in a slump. Don't feel like doing anything but being on here or watching DVR stuff or movies...

My son came over last night...took him to dinner and came home and made a big pot of spaghetti for him to take with him when he left for work the next morning...best get my tupperware back...lol He's a good kid...he's 21. 

I need to go to the gym...I can't muster it up for some reason. I haven't walked into my gym since he walked out on me. I associate the place with him...sucks. 

Snow storm coming in my area tonight. Best to stay put anyway I guess.

It would really be nice to have a boyfriend. Why can't I just order one and he shows up at my front door like everything else? :rofl:


----------



## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

damn sorry I missed your bday!!!! Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....and keep those spirits UP girl, brighter days are not far off ---- and I say get on a dating site and have some fun with it. Even if you do not meet anyone in person.....it makes for great entertainment. 

I have 2 friends who make me laugh every day with their online dating debacles....fromthe emails they get to the dates they have been on...my one friend is a writer --- and filled with sarcasm..so her dating stories give me belly laughs. She is having so much fun with it....she was not ready for anything serious.....but it has been fun for her! 

Let's see....last week she got an email with something like "you are hot and I would like to know how it would feel inside of you - too bad you are Jewish!" ----- we were laughing our butts off!!!!


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Nope...I wish.. lol.
> I was at work...
> 
> It's saturday night...I've had the whole weekend off and I just can't seem to muster up wanting to go out to do anything. I don't have many people to go out with or anything but I'm not even trying. I just can't do it. I just don't care too right now. I'm afraid to run into him and one of his plenty of fish dates...or whatever...I just don't need it. plus I don't have a circle of friends...I mean I could try and get ahold of one or two people to see what they are doing and have to drive somewhere in the cities maybe but i'm just not interested.
> ...


Im in the same boat tonight, was actually looking forward to not having any plans this weekend and even the snow storm giving me a reason to not to have to go out. but after having only my own company (except for his vist last night and this morning) Im really regreting it. All Ive done is watch movies and read, now my head aches. I have my wonderful loving dogs by my side though, they were happy to have me here all day. Usually I cant stand to be here and Im out bothering someone... trying to stay busy.. My Birthday is next friday and wonder how that will go..I dont want him here but hate the idea of them being snuggeld up and Im just here alone. I know your lonleness and depression for it is whithin me..... Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

You can call and order a boyfriend. It's called a male consort...or hooker. LOL


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

BFGuru said:


> You can call and order a boyfriend. It's called a male consort...or hooker. LOL


If I could just see him first...pick him out ..like in a line up...and be assured he didn't 'talk' (much) ...I'd be game.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> If I could just see him first...pick him out ..like in a line up...and be assured he didn't 'talk' (much) ...I'd be game.


Shut up and look pretty, boy-toy 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So I'm upset right now. First off I have a court date tomorrow and gonna see him there. It's some preliminary hearing yap yap I guess where the judge talks and negotiations begin...blah blah...go figure...Valentines Day...I didn't ever want to see him again. And now I know he's on dating sites...yanno. fker! 

That's not whats totally freaking me out although I'm very emotional right now and feel vulnerable and sad. My lawyer said stbxh wants to appeal...put in for an appeal for the OFP. (restraining order) So...that means their side and my side present it in front of a judge to over turn the previous judges ruling...as in they are going to say it was never needed or it didn't follow the laws or by laws or something like that. My atty. hasn't seen the paper work on it 'yet'...but feels it's coming. 

WTF! Even if it stays the judge could put a new ruling in it to shorten it...so it's less than the previous judges two years... so...

would that mean they would let my stbxh back into the plant? Knowing now he has a violent back ground? The union rep 'feels' yes...because he hasn't been 'convicted' of anything...but the union rep isn't the 'plant access coordinator' etc etc...(not the head honchos)
I say...'so what'...he's been violent...violence has been proven...but if the OFP isn't needed because of the timeline of he leaving me alone since he left and not harassing me...the previous violence doesn't matter??? Is the plant going to ignore that? 

I'm so confused and pissed right now. So many what if's going on. Do judges overturn other judges rulings often? In OFP's? Gosh I have no idea... my counselor thinks it's cos he doesn't have control. For once he's lost control...and his job... but even if the OFP gets dropped whos' to say he would get his job back at the plant? 

What if he does??? Isn't that a bad business decision? To let a guy like that back into a plant?? Isn't that a big ass liability? If the OFP gets over turned isn't it looked like as if it was never needed in the first place and the whole thing is thrown out?? WTF... 

I don't need this. I just started feeling safe and secure. Why can't he just let it go? Move on...lets finish this divorce and he can go do the other trade he knows how to do for 40 plus an hour....and just leave me be... this is hard enough. 

For craps sake...he's on plenty of fish...he's being taken care of by his mommy and daddy living for free in a big house...he hasn't paid me any money for the big @zz bills WE owe...can't he just let me have ONE FKING PIECE OF MIND? Just let the OFP stay in place...

Your biggest thing was no communication! Now you got NO COMMUNICATION! YOUR FKING DREAM COME TRUE! AND NOW YOU WANT TO FIGHT IT? Let the plant job go. You hated it anyway. You don't need to be there. Stay away from me. I can't heal with you in my life. I can't feel safe mentally or physically with you around. You need help and refused to get it. Your a whack job like your dad. You chose the easy route...you ran. Your an azzhole. I hate the very essence of your being. 
This is my way of not communicating. OFP...sorry you don't like it. Tuff shxt. This is my 180 to you. This is my 180 to myself. This is taking my power and control back and i'm not giving up. 

Appeal all you want. Doesn't mean you will get it. You wanted out. Just let it go and stay out. What's it to you??? It's two years...two measly years...you have moved on right? You don't need the plant...you didn't need me...you have what you wanted...your mommy and daddy...and OFP shouldn't matter. If the OFP is dropped you have no idea you'd be back in with your crazy violent azz...sigh... 

You may not be charged with anything...but I exposed you...they know about you...they know what you did to me. You need help. You fking whack job. 

Just do what you do best...just keep walking...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Don't beat around the bush, Stella - tell us how you *really* feel.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

My thougts will be with you Stella. Stay awesome.


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Stella 

Best post I've seen on TAM, bar none. No whining, no hand-wringing, no recommendations for some touchy freely book you're suppose to read. 

Pure emotion, anger, despair, and at the end of it, a pure resolve to survive and flourish. 

You make the rest of us proud with your strength.


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

You amaze me....be amazing tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

You got this, and any judge who looks at the evidence and judges against it, deserves to be disbarred.

Good luck tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

No no no ...the OFP isn't being appealed tomorrow...it's just divorce stuff...I'm just finding out he wants too or will be appealing it...might get the paper work tomorrow...who knows...

I don't want to go...lawyer says I have to


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

BFGuru said:


> You got this, and any judge who looks at the evidence and judges against it, deserves to be disbarred.
> 
> Good luck tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.


Thank u though. Abuse has been established...it's the timeline for the need of protection against last incident and or future possible...its hard to explain. 

A judge ruled I need it...they...his side want that ruling overturned by another judge....

Messed up huh..


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Stella,You showed abuse through a preponderance of evidence.The last judged ruled in your favor because of this,he had due cause to order the ofp.I seriously doubt another judge will depart from the previous ruling unless some really compelling evidence came in to show you fabricated all this,which I do not believe to be the case at all. Your unwillingness to come forward before and call the cops was because you were scared ,something symptomatic of abuse and any judge worth their salt is going to understand this.I can't imagine a company wanting anything to do with your ex given the situation and I'm sure at this point they would rather wash their hands of him,-if they hired this guy back and something happened to you,your children would own the company.You showed the court that this abuse was not a one time incident hence the the need for long time protection.I know all this court stuff is terrible but keep the faith that all is going to turn out ok for you.I will echoe others here STAY STRONG my friend.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Thank u though. Abuse has been established...it's the timeline for the need of protection against last incident and or future possible...its hard to explain.
> 
> A judge ruled I need it...they...his side want that ruling overturned by another judge....
> 
> Messed up huh..


I think that often judges do not like to overturn the decisions of another judge. If they do then their decisions will be over turned and it turns into a revolving door.

But then again, the lawyers know the judges and maybe his lawyer was able to get a judge that he knows turns these things over. 

One of the arguments might be that even if he did abuse you, he's no longer with you so you have nothing to fear.

If this comes up, the time he kicked in your door and came in when you were not home becomes an extremely important bit of info. That means that he has the capacity to come after you even though he's left.


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I know that judges error on the side of caution on these things.I personally know of an ofp case where the abuse did not come anywhere near the level in this case, and the ofp went through and whats more the exwife renewed it from year to year and kept the ex-husband from attending any of their childrens school activities.Judges have to live with each other more than they do attorneys so I would think that would come into play here also.If this ofp is appealed I think Stella should ask at that point for an award of attorneys fees should it be upheld.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Thinking of you today and wishing you all the strength and luck in the world!!! Stay strong, chin up and keep that fighting spirit we all luv...


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

My thoughts are with you today. Stay strong.


----------



## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

Good Luck today!!!!!!!!! You are strong - you can do this! We got your back!!!!!


----------



## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Good Luck Stella! Remember God is with you and he will see you through this. I am praying for you!


----------



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Good luck Stella! And remember chin up and smile! He wont expect that. You got this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Best of luck Stella. You are so much stronger than he is, you can do this.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Good luck Stella! Everything will work out... I'm sorry such a obviously good person has to go through this kind of crap.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I think that often judges do not like to overturn the decisions of another judge. If they do then their decisions will be over turned and it turns into a revolving door.
> 
> But then again, the lawyers know the judges and maybe his lawyer was able to get a judge that he knows turns these things over.
> 
> ...


the abuse is static. proven...that's not the issue. 

it's the need for continuous protection...is the deal...and yes...the fact he came and kicked my door in...but you see that could never be proven...and that's what they would go on...I couldn't prove it was him... 

so I don't know 'yet' if he's going to appeal...but I am hearing it's in the works and he wants too... my counselor says it's because he's lost control...and can't stand it...he doesn't like that I won something and he's been 'upped'...
so he wants to fight it... 

and again 'if' he does get it over turned...does he get to be back in the plant? gosh i hope not elle...but the union will fight for his position...that scares me...because he 'wasn't charged'...but it's still up to the access guy...the plant/company...sigh...and your right...if anything ever happened and he snapped...which is exactly why I'm afraid!....daaaang! 

thanks elle


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

you know in this day and age with work place violence and shootings, I would wonder what the plant will do? I know my office wanted a picture of my husband asap as soon as they heard I was filing for a divorce. They wanted it for the front desk so that the receptionist wouldn’t just buzz him in. They also wanted me to park in a different area closer to the building and to be escorted out by security both of which I declined as unnecessary. The picture was not an option...They said it was for the safety of my co-workers....


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I would guess they would stay as far form him as possible.. IF they have a choice in the matter, as Stella already says he may well have union help etcetc.

He has to get it overturned first so lets hope that it doesn't even get that far.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

prayers your way miss stella xx


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Sitting in the lobby of the court house...waiting for my atty. I look hot tho...lol isn't that funny? I look great but on the inside I'm a wreck. 

Sigh...I wanna throw up...on someone...stbxh not here yet...don't want to see him...the thought just makes me ...sad. 
Atty here gtg.


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

You got this. We got your back.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

My thoughts with you Stella. /hugs


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So my atty. and I went into the courtroom my stbxh showed up LATE..as in by at least half hour...but all the attys. did was talk to the judge and recieve paper work on getting an alloted time to mediate between us for going back and forth between us two...without the need for the courts...or something to that effect. I dunno...I was in a daze. So there was no hearing...judge didn't talk it was like it was waved...the lecture blah blah...
so stbxh walks in...sporting a brand new leather jacket...a nice one...looked sharp...pin striped slacks etc...even my atty. said to me later how good he looked and what a handsome man he was...

sigh..I'm like "wtf dude don't tell me that"...lol...what atty. didn't noitce however was the belly my stbxh is sporting...not a BIG big one but nonetheless an overhang...so I focused on that. 

And yes...the appeal for the OFP order is in. That happens downtown somewhere at a different court altogether in the city. No date yet. Atty. says I can come watch. I intend too. Also...get this...and yet it doesn't surprise me...but HIS parents of course are flipping the bill for all this...of course he's apealling the OFP. He also filed some poor mans thingy with the courts that waves his filing fees for all this crap cos he 'lost his job'...so he's getting all tis freebie **** done. I mean I bet he still has to pay his atty..but back to his parents...

so my atty. and I say fine...then his parents can cut me a check for his half of all this debt....and get rid of me. As for apealing the OFP...theres always a 'chance' but most judges don't over turn another judges ruling...and when it comes to a ruling on protection? Either way my atty. will be there and says he thinks it's unlikely. stbxh is just doing it because his parents are flipping the bill and don't want an ofp hanging over his head for two years...perhaps the judge will shorten it...no idea...my atty. gonna fight that too...and I'm going to be there...
date not set on that yet...atty. says that date can be a long time but it's unknown for now...

I hate that fker for doing all this...my atty. says he's just going to push for cutting me a check for his half...and saying 'bye'!...because stbxh isn't going to just make friggin 'monthly installments' to me...wtf...let mommy and daddy flip the bill for half his debt...save my credit...and hasta lavista and good luck with that appeal...

I hate his parents...they've created a monster...they have coddled him and coddled him...wonder who bought that leather jacket...bet he loved I seen that...ya well...I still have my job jackazz...and like it or not...wether you and your atty. decide or a judge does...your responsible for half this fking debt...eventually...you will be paying me...you prick. 

I hope your d!ck falls off...I hope you never find peace. Your sins will follow you...your fked up way of thinking will follow you. Your abusive runaway tactics will always be in your nature and you will never have a fullfilling relationship. You ruin women. But not this one. I survived you. Will your daughter? She hates you and sees a shrink because of you and she's only 10. Your a vagina hater. Your a misogynist. Yes...there's a name out there for you. Your dad taught you how to be a misogynist. 
And your two boys...are following in your footsteps by the way they treat their little sister with the verbal abuse...that you have encouraged by laughing at her and mocking her. Just like you did me. 

You can't even show affection for your daughter...or go to 'one' of her games...but your sons are golden athletes...and you don't miss a practice or a game...your daughter hates you. You tease her and make her cry then you call her a cry baby...and now she's in couseling because of 'you'...your ex wife hates you for this...and hates your dad for this but has no choice but to tolerate you because your the 'father'...
you ruin women. your mother is a ruined woman. a rug sweeping 'nancy'...who cannot escape and hates her life. I have escaped you. You helped me do it. Yes. Thank you. 

My heart will one day heal and I will get over wanting your arrogant azz...but 'you' ...a man like you...if a woman like me wasn't worth you changing for...wasn't worth you cutting the chord from your parents wreckless ways...you are so screwed in your future...you will always be in a vicious cycle...and woman after woman after woman will come to resent you because you won't be able to give her what she needs...

the basic human needs one simply 'wants' from another...companionship...love...trust...cherishing...devotion...commitment...laughter...comfort...love...love...love...

a cold blooded reptile has more affection for it's rock than what you gave me. How dare you even continue to exist.

*Your world will one day halt stbxh...reality is going to hurt you so bad it's going to be like you waking up in the morning with a raging boner only to find out your d*ck has been super glued to your thigh...

...and that's gonna hurt...:sleeping:*


----------



## fandot78 (Feb 10, 2013)

Easier said than done, I know, but let go of all that hate ma ma...you only stifling your own blessings babe...Let the fact that you know WGACA give you peace...Again, I know easier said than done...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I know... I 'am' angry... I realize this... 
I'm going to be angry for awhile yet... I'm just 'ok' with being angry for awhile yet... it's just where I'm at. 

it is what it is..


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

It's ok to be angry. It is part of the grieving process. Let it come, and then as you heal begin to let it go. We all go through an angry phase and you have earned yours,


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Be angry, its healthy, you did good, and bet you did look smokin hot 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Let it all out - your going down a healthy path.


----------



## fandot78 (Feb 10, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> I know... I 'am' angry... I realize this...
> I'm going to be angry for awhile yet... I'm just 'ok' with being angry for awhile yet... it's just where I'm at.
> 
> it is what it is..


No doubt...but not what it has to be...I understand though love...just try to keep that last jewel I gave you in mind... 

Anger might be normal...but

"When Your GPS sais take the high road...it might actually be giving you the right directions for a change"...LOL


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Yes, but fandot, the mental image of a superglued boner is just fabulous. She gets points for ingenuity at the very least.:smthumbup:


----------



## fandot78 (Feb 10, 2013)

BFGuru said:


> Yes, but fandot, the mental image of a superglued boner is just fabulous. She gets points for ingenuity at the very least.:smthumbup:


I concur...LOL


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Definite points for creative thinking:iagree:-The attorney talking about the stbxh being handsome blah,blah-attorneys are just idiots at times!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Posted an older pic of me on the social spot ...on the thread where people posted pics of themselves...I just looked all around healthier..

Yanno...looking back...prior to my stbxh...I was just all around a physically ...mentally healthier person...

I need to get my skinny lanky bony azz to the gym...ugh. 
I really don't like myself right now...

I really don't. Only I can change that.


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Grief sucks. Hang in there, Stella. You're going to be better than fine.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Posted an older pic of me on the social spot ...on the thread where people posted pics of themselves...I just looked all around healthier..
> 
> Yanno...looking back...prior to my stbxh...I was just all around a physically ...mentally healthier person...
> 
> ...


It seems that making the big move of getting to the gym is too much for you right now. So pick one smaller thing that you can do.. even if it's just going to the mall and working for an hour. Ask a friend along if you can. 

Or take a long hot bath and have a glass of wine to sip on. 

Right now just do one thing every day that makes you feel good.

(I need to do this too)


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stalla you *are *an amazing woman to come through what you have. I do think you need to show yourself some compassion though. I am 100% on board with self assessment and improvement but you have to acknowledge your good points too or it becomes very negative.

The Stella I see has positives in abundance. Get to work on what you are unhappy with but keep the positives in mind too.


----------



## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

I hate being angry but sometimes it's necessary. So be angry when you need to. It's what we need to get through sometimes. I wish I was as tough as you. I could use a little "tough" girl mentality in me.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Posted an older pic of me on the social spot ...on the thread where people posted pics of themselves...I just looked all around healthier..
> 
> Yanno...looking back...prior to my stbxh...I was just all around a physically ...mentally healthier person...
> 
> ...



He did you a favor and now Stella's coming home  how cools that :smthumbup:


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Somehow I think your going to come out of this just fine.You have so much character as is evidenced by your posts.Don't be so hard on yourself on the physical aspect -you have gone through a lot of stress, your mental aspect is what should be your prime consideration at the moment.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Checked out your pics.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Remember your words:

the basic human needs one simply 'wants' from another...companionship...love...trust...cherishing...devotion...commitment...laughter...comfort...love...love...love...

These will all be yours now. So proud of you!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

good stella... you're almost ready for indifference. 

Look up petunia.... that sunrise belongs to you.

xxxx


nb.. this black duck did choke a little on her coffee at the superglue line


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Problem you will have when youre ready Stella, is vetting out the losers only interested in your smokin hotness!

I agree, your going to come out of this great, you rock.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Here's something KC I think you might like...yanno how you have to talk about division of assets and debts and shxt...ok so I'm paying for everything right now...stbxh has paid for nothing since November. 
So I'm talking to my atty. and he brings up the 5 thousand dollar sleep number bed stbxh HAD to have...I mean this sucker is California king sized...vibrates...lifts the legs to any height ....the head to any hight....perfect for watching tv or elevating as I said legs or head...a nice bed right? And I'm not about to give this bed up. I want it. I sleep in it with my dane and my little poodle and the cat...seriously...it's funny but it's true...it's that big and saweet....I have a bad back also as stbxh does....blah blah

So my atty. says "what if stbxh's atty. says stbxh wants the bed?" 

I paused and responded...."just tell the stbxh's atty. I fk'd a football team in it....that should cure that problem!":rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

My atty. fell out of his chair in the conference room nearly spilling his coffee. But I was serious...I told him to say that! He!! what do I have to lose? What do I care? I'm paying for that bed and I'm keeping it! That should turn stbxh right off to wanting it. 

No. His mommy and daddy can buy him a new bed...

I dunno I had to think fast!


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

:rofl:Man,I love that you're such a straight shooter!


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

If I was at PC rather then phone I would just reply with a post full of roflmao smileys for that.

Damn I was thinking soccer. But guess you mean the American type. Thats a whole lot of guys.. Had to think fast and "that" is where your mond went?!

Cracking up over here.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

it was seriously just something I blurted out...a had to be there moment... lol


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Seriously, you are going to be my mentor. 
Maybe I should have let frenchie do a nipple tweak, ha!
 
Keep rockin girlie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I paused and responded...."just tell the stbxh's atty. I fk'd a football team in it....that should cure that problem!":rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


And all this time, I thought you'd been working at night... now we know the rest of the story.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So I go to the pharmacy to pick up my migraine preventative meds...and was told I no longer have medical insurance! :scratchhead:

WTF! .....WHAT!!!?????  

So no warning...no letter no calls nothing...zip. 


So ok...stbx lost his job at the plant...most likely the reason it was dropped. Tried calling the company but they don't answer on Saturdays. He's not supposed to drop me or anything during this divorce etc....things are to remain the same etc...so I can only assume its because of the job thing. I will find out more Monday. 

I will also be calling HR and adding my own med insurance...it was gonna happen at some point. 

Sucks...since he also quit paying the IRS they are going to be garnishing my wages too...rains it pours...

I couldn't get the whole script but was able to fill part of it. 

I'm so tired of being broke...not OT happening at the plant either...but I have a job and I feel pretty good mentally. 

So if I'm cut off med insurance so are his three kids...that means his ex wife has to start paying med insurance for them :rofl:

Wow....that's gotta suck. Her not getting child support eventually either...unless he's getting unemployment...which at this point I have no idea...no worries she makes good money and her fiancé lives with her and has a great job. Kids will be fine...but she's gonna be pissed...lol miss her 700 a month and right before her wedding in June...awwww.....:sleeping:

He walked into the court room sporting a new leather jacket and pin stripe pants....mommy and daddy are soooo nice....that and paying for your appeal...and attys fees. 

Ya your 40 and your gonna be suckling your mommas titties til your death bed. You will never be on your own mentally emotionally and now not physically anytime soon. 

Your actually being held accountable for your actions....imagine that.  ....some call it karma


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Karma is a nice lady.


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I've got a good one for you.Me exwifes friend is on the stand at the custody trial says a bunch of lies and baloney.Then goes off into how an older friend of mine that resides in the nursing home where she works accused her of theft-yeah but it wasn't against her,but of course to make me look vindicative in front of the judge...Well guess what that old friend of mine develops a rash on his scrotum-guess who has been powdering his balls for the last two weeks?:smthumbup:I told him do me a favor next time-he asks whats that?ask her for extra powder please!! karma.....is a *****.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I am tired. Just so dang tired. Tired of being broke. Had to pay a butt load to get cell turned on today...lol...but got my med insurance extended under his name extended til April 30th...then work is dropping him if he's not back on the clock and I don't see that happening. 

Sux when you make good money but have so much debt due to someone else's dumbness....I allowed it tho...I accept my responsibility in it...I do. Trying to fix it....but dang...I need a check or a settlement. 

Check this out...his dad has worked at the plant 30 yrs and is in retirement...he's back at the plant to work the outage...to train etc...(operations). Ya....gotta pay for his sons attys fees and leather jackets and truck etc...fk...give me a settlement check then so I can pay his half of the debt and stop writing your fkin last name. 

I hate those people. (Inlaws and stbx) I do. So I imagine I will be running into him. Yep. Even checking him in etc...whatever...we hate each other. 

Union guys ...thanks to me found out stbxh has lied to them....clearly wasn't honest about some serious shxt...like the truth as to why he got an OFP....

Ya piss off they guys you want to fight for your job...LMFAO...your so stupid...you minez well jump into the reactor pool and die.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I am tired. Just so dang tired. Tired of being broke.


*
Hang in there, sweetheart!*


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

When you talk about being broke I hear you screaming.I was broke the last 7 years of my marriage.I'm still broke and am trying to dig myself out of all the debt I got left with, but at least I have peace doing it.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I know how your feeling there Stella. My ex ran up 10 grand on a card she told me was long ago cancelled. Didn't make a difference I ended up having to pay most of it. Thing is she didn't buy anything tangible with it. She used it to pay for food, drinks and hotels for her and her lover. So basically I paid for her to be out cheating on me. I make good money, but between that and a new house, new furniture I've been fairly broke now for the last few months. 

Had I known this was coming I should of ran up 20 grand in debt and made her pay her own and some of mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I am tired. Just so dang tired. Tired of being broke. Had to pay a butt load to get cell turned on today...lol...but got my med insurance extended under his name extended til April 30th...then work is dropping him if he's not back on the clock and I don't see that happening.
> 
> Sux when you make good money but have so much debt due to someone else's dumbness....I allowed it tho...I accept my responsibility in it...I do. Trying to fix it....but dang...I need a check or a settlement.
> 
> ...


Stella.I need you to be make sure that because the POS's father is back in the job after 30 years,can you get an order or something that he does not defame you anywhere in any manner.Or are there people in the office who will support you in case the old man is upto playing some dirty tricks.I WANT YOU TO THINK AGAIN WITH A DETECTIVE MIND AND PREVENT ANY FURTHER TROUBLE FROM COMING IN.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Had I known this was coming I should of ran up 20 grand in debt make her pay her own and some of mine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 So in the same line of thinking.... My stbxh still has his mail delivered at the house even though he's living w/ ow. I never touch it and leave it in a pile for him. Well the other day I was mad enough to open his credit card bill and saw that he's been using it even though we are not supposed to be. He rubbed it in my face last week that he has a lot more debt than I do and Ill have to pay half. so i said frig that. I’m paying my credit cards this week with the $ I was going to give my lawyer than charge my lawyer payment. That way both payments are made but my actual debt on credit card didn’t go down...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> Stella.I need you to be make sure that because the POS's father is back in the job after 30 years,can you get an order or something that he does not defame you anywhere in any manner.Or are there people in the office who will support you in case the old man is upto playing some dirty tricks.I WANT YOU TO THINK AGAIN WITH A DETECTIVE MIND AND PREVENT ANY FURTHER TROUBLE FROM COMING IN.


It's the norm for they guy to come back during the outage and work...I'm not worried about being 'defamed'...persay...he's already known as being 'the weirdo with the toupe' ... I'm just going to go about my business and my job and do my thing...if I come across him or have to 'access him'...I will do just that. If however he says anything to me reguarding the stbxh...that's a third party violation type thing reguarding the OFP...a violation...

Three together...mommy, daddy, baby they can stand together...when separated they are pretty balless and dadddy needs his job now that he's paying for his 40yr old sons attys. fees and such...so I imagine all will be well. 

I'm just going to go about my professionalism and do my job...I'm not going to stir the pot by what ifs or the like...if anything comes up i will adress it. His son has been exposed as an abuser...and lost his job...if he wants to run his mouth...so be it. It would be in his best interest to stay away from me however...and I'm positive stbxh atty made that clear...wouldn't want two out of a job now would we? lol... 

Thank you for the concern...my head is up...all is well...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Triggers. 

I hate triggers. 

I went out last night to an 80's bar party...I was having a great time...that was my era...even dressed up a bit in the garb...looked great felt great...enjoyed the music and watching the old videos up on the screen...the other monitors were playing old 80's movies...

Then next to me some chick was showing me on her phone some hotty guy she intends to hook up with on Pof (plenty of fish/online dating site)...I just found out a couple of weeks ago my stbxh is on that site...and it tore me up inside. So she's showing me this guys profile and then proceeds to show me other's profiles...and making me familiar with pof stuff and I'm trying to tell her i don't care I don't want to look and be 'familiar' with any of that...and she's looking in the are my stbxh can pop up at any moment...wtf...I just don't need this and I'm trying to preoccupy myself with talking to someone else and she shows up with her cell in my face again "oh look at this one"..."oooh he's a hottie"....at this point I'm thinkin' ...this girl really wants me to punch her in the mouth...cos that's what i really want to do to her at this point...
I don't care about your future hook ups...I don't care to look at pof crap...I don't want to see how it works...how much more clearer did I need to get short of a belt to her mouth? 
Finally she left to go get laid... good for her...

So it was time to drive home...and I was listening to the radio and I just started crying...I was driving down a long road very often driven with my stbxh...missing him...missing us...and thinking about him being on pof...looking...getting laid...doing whatever. Why does it bother me so much? It stings dam it. Sex was awesome with him...the best I ever fking had... it was great...seriously fulfilling. Both of us were always into it and satisfied and willing at the drop of a hat...no problems...(save for when he withheld during his silent treatments of course but then I could always get him to break that)..

So I start crying...driving home...just started crying...feeling so sad...hurt...resentful and lonely...angry. Going through the 'why syndrome'...why wasn't I worth it? How could he just walk? Why wouldn't he just work on himself to work on us? He knew what made us work...why wouldn't he take the measures to continue to do so? 
Does he realize he messed up his entire life? No great wonderful loving giving patient wife...no job....no lake house...does he realize what he has done??? DOES HE???? 

I cried on the way home...wept. I said to myself out loud..."oh my God..I married a man that didn't love me"... 

I did yanno. He didn't love me. There is NO WAY...he loved me. He loved himself. It was all about him...always. What I could do for 'him'...daily... He did not love me. 

...and he's on PoF...seeking what? He got laid awesomely here...fed...spoiled...catered too...laundered...waited on...ego stroked...god I stroked that mans ego...lavished him...because I did...I was 'in love' with this man and showed it...I could drink his bathwater... I loved my husband...I was in love with him despite it all.. I did...I never stopped... my co dependent pathetic self...loved this abusive self centered passive aggressive narcissistic hot guy...who put me down and made it clear daily that my needs didn't matter...

so...how could he not love me? I wasn't a *****/nag..(I hate women like that myself) ....my complaint however was when he did mistreat me...but he didn't live in he!!... I just don't get it... even his mom said he had it made and we were a match and how spoiled he was...and how I would give him his verbal ego boosts...because I meant them...I was indeed into him...

it was a one sided marriage... he never loved me...I married a man that didn't love me. it was all about what I could do for him...

..and when I wouldn't 'conform' to becoming the 'nancy' (his mom) to sit back and keep silent...about the put downs (abuses etc)...he left. 

...because my counselor said ...'you didn't conform'... 

does he realize what he did? does he realize what he lost? does he realize that he f'kd up? that if all he did was to just get help in his passive aggressive ways he/we could have had a great life out here at the lake house...with each other...and I could have kept loving on him like I was...I took care of him...daily... he came first... 

I just wanted him to love me back too... and be there for me...was it so much to ask? apparently...

So I cried on my way home...realizing I married a guy that is incapable of love? or just incapable of loving me? 

I hate triggers. They suck.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Triggers do suck. Sadly I thnk you are right... he is not capable of love for anyone but himself. This realization is so important for you. Hopefully it means that you will not be able to recognize this kind of man from a mile away.

Someday you will have a new man. I know it does not feel like that right now. But you are a beautiful woman and have a lot going for you. Him leaving will allow you to find a mentally healthy man. You will never be beat up again. Never sent to the hospital with broken bones.

Your life has now opened to the possibility of real love. I’m sure it’s too early. But keep praying for it and you will find it.


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Stella-that gal you ran into at the bar is just the type I despise all about the physical and the STD poster child type-
Your emotions/feelings are still very raw and I had a lot of them same thoughts that are now racing through your head.Couldn't bear the thought of the ex being with someone else.
Yeah I know the physical craving for the ex is a hard one to shake.
Their will come a time though,when the emotions/feelings wear off and the only inventory you will have of your ex will be the character flaws and you will be where I'm at now and very close to total indifference....it just takes time.
I see my ex now for what she truly is self-serving and nothing more-kids see it too.
I have indulged myself lately in things I did before I got married well...when I was young been working alot in my shop lately ,and it has fed my soul and I would never have thought 2 years ago I could feel this good.
-You need to find something to take the edge off all this....something your passionate about.
Don't know what other words I can give but to reassure you life gets better.


----------



## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

If he doesn't realise what he's lost, he will one day. He never deserved you Stella, you deserve only the best. You are having flashbacks to a time when you thought you were in a loving relationship, but that wasn't the reality. I know how much triggers suck but you are free of that soul sucking monster you once called your husband. You are an amazing woman who everyone here on TAM loves and admires. You inspire me and everyone here. Only the very best is good enough for you. And when you get to that point when you want to open up to someone, us lot here get to vet him first! chin up girl, stay strong. Mwah!


----------



## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I am going to tell you what you have told me so many times. You didn't love the man. You loved what you thought you had. You are missing what should have been and could have been. No, he didn't love you just like mine didn't love me. Its crazy. It doesn't make sense. It isn't fair. It isn't right. But...it is reality.

You and I now have to deal with the aftermath of the cruelty...and we will. You are strong. Yes, you get sad. So do I. I go crazy with the "whys" and so do you. The bad thing is that there is no answer. If there was anything that you...or I...could have done to fix things, we would have. We couldn't because we are not the f'kd up ones here. They are.

You will eventually find a man that will treat you as you deserve. It will be a while. You are too hurt right now. But it will happen...and it will be great. 

Wishing the best for you!


----------



## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Ok let me rephrase that...yes, you did love him. As I loved him. What you are missing is the dream that was crushed when he left. He doesn't deserve you.


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I can say I married an illusion.The ink got dry on the marriage license and this other person slowly showed up.
My brother-in-law even teased me about it."She was so nice before you got married-wasn't she?" -wtf!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

As usual your all right...I just needed to hear it and get some support...I hate the down days...(triggers) so thank you! 

Wanna see my 80's get up? I had a black fringed leather jacket also!...but didn't have it on when this pic was taken...

See if I can get it to post here... 

Last night was fun...wished it was 'funner'...lol!


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Wow....were you melting the ice as you walked down the sidewalk?! Around my parts good looking women are scarce and sheep are nervous.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> Wow....were you melting the ice as you walked down the sidewalk?! Around my parts good looking women are scarce and sheep are nervous.


lmfao!!!!!! dude!!!!! :lol:


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I have to laugh at myself I've turned into such a hick.lol


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> Wow....were you melting the ice as you walked down the sidewalk?! Around my parts good looking women are scarce and sheep are nervous.


ROFL!!!!:rofl:

Stella, Everyone all ready said pretty much what I was thinking but I just say this last thing. The next guy you marry, your not only going to have awsome sex but he going to treat you the way you deserve, why because you are going to make sure you pick out that kind of guy. He will love you and respect appricate your humor and cherish you..... when you disagree your not going to have to worry about abuse.. So when you get feeling like u miss that jerk think about whatsz coming your way....


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Glad I gave both of you laugh,anyways its late and I gotta go to church in the morning.


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

He was a jerk. You're awesome. You look great and you're a catch. 'Nuff said!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

so today I wake up freezing...and crabby. I hate being cold...biggest pet peeve ever. I've got no dang money and I just can't afford furnace guy...so it's time to go under the house...even before having a cup of coffee..what I'm hoping to accomplish here I have no idea..no clue..none but i can't stand it anymore I need to just see 'if' there's anything I notice or can do...I need to change the air filter anyway...if I find it...
first thing...I can't get the crawl space door open..too much ice around it..lol...personal note...don't ever let that happen again..eat snow fall...etc..pay attention to this area better...so i get some salt and start chipping away to free the door...finally can lift up...I can't bring the bungee chord and the eye loop thing together so I use the shovel for a crutch to hold up the door...I look around and crawl in. I do think of pics for you guys...at some point I have to take some pics cos it's crazy scary under there...my winter cap is just getting caked with insulation and I'm sneezing up a storm...I start crawling with the filter to the furnace..I can hear it making noise...taking the panel off looking in...I see a switch in the on position...mental note..I leave it alone..put the panel back on...see the air filter...pissed because two cvc type pipes in my friggin way...wtf...reach around...trying to grab at an air filter wedged in there...tears a bit...but I get it out...and replace it with the new one...the world didn't end...it didn't begin either...checked to make sure the return pipes were clear and not filled with melting ice because that has stopped the furnace before...all is ok there too..dam because at least if it's that I could break through that and furnace would kick in again...no deal. 

Had to call the furnace guy... he's on his way after dropping off some type of equipment...ugh! I hate this...my stbxh is also HVAC...pisses me off to no end this type of stuff.. "lets buy that little lake house I will fix it up...I'm a handy man it will be great!" ....stupid fker. 

I'm just crabby...didn't get enough sleep. Wanted to go back to sleep but when you find out your heat isn't working you have to get up and deal with it...I just don't feel like doing anything today and the things I didn't do yesterday I should get done today and I don't wanna...now after furnace guy leaves chances are I won't be able to do anything because I will be bled to death...and it's SUNDAY! 

So I'm crawling out from under the house...and there it is! A dead mouse caught in a trap! I said...out loud too..(knowing that eventually I'd have to start dealing with this as well) "are you fking kidding me"...and yanno what...it didn't even phase me...I just scooped it up with the salt scoopy thing and placed it on top of the old air filter with some other throw away crap from under the house (my stbxh was such a dam slob it's unreal I mean clean up your work space you fktard...hated that about him!)...and I put some snow on top of it so I wouldn't have to stare at that gray fat little thing...and off I went to the garbage...

So two things I did today...went under the house and dealt with a dead mouse in a trap...ha! It wasn't decomposed or smelly...so I'm wondering when he got caught...and if I need to worry about setting more...usually they are not a problem in the winter...but they are not obsolete under the house I guess either...could have been a vole...fk face always said those were the most he caught under the house...matter of fact I bet that's what It was...didn't see a long tail..not that I stared at the thing...haha... 

This is going to sound even more pathetic but you know when you need to get your hair done because it drives you nutz...I'm at that point...it's gray unmanageable and itchy! drives me nutz! ...and another cost! In my face...too long...bothersome under my hard hat and my coarse grays are coily crazy! ugh! lmao!! Add all the static cling makes me ballistic! So bad hair day! Bad hair days!! 

I'm crabby. I wanted to start the gym up this weekend...now I don't feel like it...had errands to run...don't feel like doing that either but I have meds to pick up...I should go online and pay a bill or two...but don't wanna. I can't get motivated...and you'd think after my little adventure I would be even more motivated...

That's what I get for doing stuff before a cup of coffee...I need to clean my pistol today...'that' will happen...I like doing that for sure...later tonight...sucker hasn't been cleaned in so long...wish I could just go unload it...not today. 

Getting cold in here...temp going down. Pizzing me off... I need a shower and a 'snap out of it' pill...can't think right when i'm this cold...lol..all bundled up on my couch waiting for the the bloody furnace guy of 'clean out my bank account' of death to get here. 

Mango my tropical bird (solomon island eclectus)...he's doing ok...if furnace guy doesn't get here soon I'm going to have to put him in his travel cage and put him in the bedroom and turn the electric heater on...he's in his cage under the blanket mumbling under his breath...no doubt expletives about the cold...haha...serves him right...he's kind of an azz...at times...


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

1. You did a few things today that your ex azz would normally take care of. Be proud of yourself!!!!
2. Static Gaurd. Works wonder for static in the hair in winter time. 
3. Tweezers. Start plucking the greys out. Its a myth that more grow back and it'll tide you over til you can get your hair done. 
4. Go have a coffee. I recommend decaf 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

familyfirst09 said:


> 1. You did a few things today that your ex azz would normally take care of. Be proud of yourself!!!!
> 2. Static Gaurd. Works wonder for static in the hair in winter time.
> 3. Tweezers. Start plucking the greys out. Its a myth that more grow back and it'll tide you over til you can get your hair done.
> 4. Go have a coffee. I recommend decaf
> ...


put static guard in my hair? oh he!! if that works i'm game...friggin hair spray works for 10 seconds! 

as for tweezers and the gray...oh honey...honey...I'm beyond tweezers...to fix my gray...you'd have to reach for the electric razor and go all Britney Spears...:rofl:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

decaff coffee??? WHAT??????????? 



_NEVER_!


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

I always drink decaf, I'm hyper enough 

YES, static gaurd. Its my secret so don't tell anyone! Lol. It really does work great. Use it just like hairspray, just don't hold it too close. I can honestly admit I am a total diva when it comes to my hair. 

I also use personal lube for an oil sheen when I straighten it, ha!! Its all natural and it smells great!! 

What about a store bought dye, temporary until you can get it? Its not something I do or normally recommend unless desparate. I also do a zig zag part when the greys are just too much too handle, it covers them up more 

See told you, total hair diva 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I do the zig zag...my zig done gray zagged out...and I have multi colors...I think if I dumped a box of store bought on my hair I don't know what I would get..been there...it's not pretty...I just need to make that appt. and get in..it's my fault for waiting so long...

dude has to take furnace parts back to his shop...not looking good...ugh! I'm frozen...hands cold...gonna take a warm shower and get dressed...hopefully that helps...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Oi oi Stella, you little minx. How you doin hot stuff?

Happy now? x

Ooh and FF too. Is uttering the word "threesome" going too far? Ahem.

I may have had a drink. :beer:


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I'm involved in threesomes all the time -yeah me and my two hands!


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Oi oi Stella, you little minx. How you doin hot stuff?
> 
> Happy now? x
> 
> ...


LMFAO. You sure just one KC??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm enjoying a margarita at the moment myself! too cold to hang out at the house...furnace stuff still going on... KC...lmao! 

gwv! omg!!! you guys are cracking me up! I needed it!!! That's for sure... I know this furnace break is going to cost me...ugh! But at the moment...sigh... hey...my margarita is helping me get through it... what the heck right? 

hey...I went under the house and dealt with a dead thing in a mouse trap! Priceless! HA!


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Pfft furnace? Better ways than that to keep warm.


----------



## loveispatient (Jan 10, 2013)

You're like my female hero!..


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

loveispatient said:


> You're like my female hero!..


Agreed 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Girl is cleaning her pistol!! How fvcking hot is that?!?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> As usual your all right...I just needed to hear it and get some support...I hate the down days...(triggers) so thank you!
> 
> Wanna see my 80's get up? I had a black fringed leather jacket also!...but didn't have it on when this pic was taken...
> 
> ...


Cute top, Stel...the shirt ain't bad either.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

so I’m here at work reading these (should be working not on TAM) and you guys have me laughing out loud so everyone’s asking whats so funny...? I so needed that. What a Monday morning... I decided to treat everyone to my famous 3 layer carrot cake and it fell out of the cake carrier in the elevator so now they are eating upside down pieces of carrot cake that don’t look so pretty...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

How's today Stella?


----------



## eldubya (Aug 23, 2012)

Hi Stella:
That roller coaster is one crazy ride! You still love the jerk but hate him at the same time. Best thing to do is to scream and rant...maybe even burn some pictures. It does get to be less bumpy...don't know when cause we each have our own time. Hang on for the bumps for now!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

eldubya said:


> Hi Stella:
> That roller coaster is one crazy ride! You still love the jerk but hate him at the same time. Best thing to do is to scream and rant...maybe even burn some pictures. It does get to be less bumpy...don't know when cause we each have our own time. Hang on for the bumps for now!


lmao...someone else recommended I do some burning as well.. I might just have to do that.. pics are all on the pc...don't have any paper ones I don't think... 

but I do have a harley shirt or two he wants back...was gonna keep them for myself...but....

Yanno what would be kind of cool...take his shop vac out to the fire pit...pour gas on that suxker and toss a match onto it...'wow'...pics!!!! In the dark!!! 
Would be nice to have an audience though...and perhaps some firemen to stand by....


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> lmao...someone else recommended I do some burning as well.. I might just have to do that.. pics are all on the pc...don't have any paper ones I don't think...
> 
> but I do have a harley shirt or two he wants back...was gonna keep them for myself...but....
> 
> ...


I'll guard your fire.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Pfft. I'll stoke it.


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

and KC moves in for the win!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

:rofl:


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I was only half joking too. Its ok though. The Atlantic is there specifically to stop me doing anything silly.


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

... KC slows down and Z pulls ahead


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Where is the damn dislike button?


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

omg, you guys need to stop Im laughing way to hard...


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Where is the damn dislike button?


I threw it in the fire while you were swimming.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> lmao...someone else recommended I do some burning as well.. I might just have to do that.. pics are all on the pc...don't have any paper ones I don't think...
> 
> but I do have a harley shirt or two he wants back...was gonna keep them for myself...but....
> 
> ...


Firemen!!!! The guys with the long hoses?


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I'm not a fireman, but..


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

He said hoses. Not noses, Pinocchio.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Firemen!!!! The guys with the long hoses?


oh thats a bad one..........


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

zillard said:


> He said hoses. Not noses, Pinocchio.


your killing me, stella do something they are out of control.:angel3:


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

She cant do anything till one of us gets there.

Any suggestions for what that something should be?


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

K.C. said:


> She cant do anything till one of us gets there.
> 
> Any suggestions for what that something should be?


first of all honny, if you have to ask think twice about going.......2nd, Ill let you ponder it during your long Atlantic swim....:smthumbup:


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> first of all honny, if you have to ask think twice about going.......2nd, Ill let you ponder it during your long Atlantic swim....:smthumbup:


You DO know about cold water, right?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

zillard said:


> You DO know about cold water, right?


OMG IM LAUGHING SO HARD!!!!:rofl:

You guys are so crazy!


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Yanno what would be kind of cool...take his shop vac out to the fire pit...pour gas on that suxker and toss a match onto it...'wow'...pics!!!! In the dark!!!
> Would be nice to have an audience though...and perhaps some firemen to stand by....


Stella - have you ever seen the movie "Waiting to Exhale"? You could go all "Angela Basett" with his stuff!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I did...a long time ago....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ha.. So glad to see that you all are tending to the serious issues here... :rofl:


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Well Im thankfull I got my laughs in today, thanks for that guys/ Just did a long post Mama2's someone anyone help me and I feel like Ill never laugh again. I hate this up and down. I hate him and and what he does and what he did and what he continues to do. I give up but thank you for today. xxoo


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Well Im thankfull I got my laughs in today, thanks for that guys/ Just did a long post Mama2's someone anyone help me and I feel like Ill never laugh again. I hate this up and down. I hate him and and what he does and what he did and what he continues to do. *I give up but thank you for today.* xxoo


DRYC2 -- Sometimes, all you can do is take it one day at a time. I don't know how I'd have made it without TAM sometimes, and the people here who made me laugh. That's just as important as the shoulder to cry on sometimes. 

Check out the Social Spot threads. They can be a good way to just get your mind off the bad stuff in your life right now and have a laugh or two.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So I'm in my kitchen cleaning up after a long day of running errands and getting things done. I had put a load of laundry in earlier...for those of you who don't know I have a beautiful red washer/dryer stack out in my mudroom of the lake house. Anyway I'm in the kitchen and I hear this running water...a sound that was too loud...it wasn't the norm...'uh oh this isn't good...this isn't a sound that I want to hear...and I have to open this door and there's going to be something I don't want to see'...HA! I open the door...and there's water gushing out of a pvc pipe because it's over filling no doubt due to a blockage down toward the elbow...there's two hoses going into it...and now water is rapidly coming out of it as my washer is spinning...I think fast and find a big orange bucket in the garage and the only way to capture the water...was to hold this damn bucket up under the gusher! All I could do once again was laugh and shake my head...and I thought to myself..."well at least it isn't the furnace!" HAHA! So that was just after the prewash...I stayed out in the mudroom during the entire cycle of laundry in case there needed to be more bucket holding...and of course there was...   
I recall being told "buy the lake house I will love doing all needed work that has to be done to run it"...
Ironic though...
I love my lake house with all that I am and enjoy every nook crack and cranny...it's vintage like me. 
...and so the water pours out again and I was thinking how I could use a snake...realizing at that moment...I had just got rid of one...HAHA! 
Life is indeed a learning experience even if your furnace goes out and your seeing your breath in your living room...or if the water flows where it shouldn't and you gotta catch it with a bucket.  
Gotta call the plumber tomorrow...throw the next dart...I'm just gettin' warmed up!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

https://stellamoon.wordpress.com/

By the way you guys...the above is my blog. The infamous blog...lol...that was printed and used in court against my stbxh for his 'crap'...
there's pics on there of 'us'...although a bit concealed ...shaded...

if your interested ...the upper left hand side of the blog is the 'about me'... click on that...its the intro... then I think the archives are the lower left...weird...sometimes I see them on the lower right...or just read and scroll down... 

but I just wanted to share this with you guys... I've never shared it with anyone I know save for my atty. the judge and one other best friend...it's a published blog...but clearly under my alias...I haven't tied it with my real name or my facebook....yet. It's out that I have one now of course being it was part of my affidavit...so my work buds know I keep one but have no idea what my name is...yet. 

Anyway...I wrote a blog called Shackles Are Off...if anyone is interested in reading it or nosing around the blog...

I luv you guys... 

~Stella


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Great line, Stella. Need a snake, just got rid of one....


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I like how your writing captures raw emotions, your so good at writing it all down.-Are you sure your pvc pipe isn't froze? Can you run some boiling water down it?Had it happen all the time in the last house I lived in.


----------



## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> .I think fast and find a big orange bucket in the garage and the only way to capture the water...was to hold this damn bucket up under the gusher! All I could do once again was laugh and shake my head...and I thought to myself..."well at least it isn't the furnace!" HAHA! So that was just after the prewash...I stayed out in the mudroom during the entire cycle of laundry in case there needed to be more bucket holding...and of course there was...


So life threw a challenge your way and you dealt with it with good humour and resourcefulness. 

You didn't paint yourself as a victim, you didn't collapse in self-pity and say "why me?" and you didn't take it personally and decide that this was just the ultimate symbol of how completely [email protected] your life is. 

You didn't let the water flood and flood so it could make the biggest possible mess so that you had the "right" to be even more upset - I know plenty of people who always maximise the drama (even when they could step in and prevent some or all of it) so that they can get as many "victim" points as they possibly can. And I'll bet that you're not gong to spend the next two weeks telling everyone who will listen all about every detail and talking about nothing else so that you can squeeze as much sympathy as possible out of this episode. 

Instead of having a tantrum with God/the universe/Karma/your ex/anyone else you could possibly blame you responded to the situation by drawing on your intelligence, self-belief, good grace and maturity.

It's how we deal with things like this (both practically and emotionally) that shapes our lives. I'd say that you have a very bright future. :smthumbup:


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Stella, I started reading your blog and absolutely love it! Keep it up.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> I like how your writing captures raw emotions, your so good at writing it all down.-Are you sure your pvc pipe isn't froze? Can you run some boiling water down it?Had it happen all the time in the last house I lived in.


no..it's clogged....mudroom is heated. Plumber is out til monday...couldn't pay them til the following friday anyway...so for now i'm all caught up on laundry anyway.  

Pluto..glad you like the blog...I enjoy going there..it's been very therapeutic for me...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

ok guys need your help again! I think it's my front end loader that caused the gushing water problem...something about the filter being clogged and I want to get at it to check it... so please help me make it possible! This should be fun! It's a stackable so it might be a problem getting inside it and having to move stuff but if I can figure it out and not call a repair guy..how cool is that? 

ok...got info...and I do have a manuel and I will take a look at it tonight at work but that's not to say I will be able to follow it as will as your guys's instructions because 'you' guys got me to snow blow my drive way...I mean c'mnon that was awesome...and then I changed my air filter...'guts'...under the house was a biggy and there was a dead vole in the trap...under there also...dealth with that... 
gotta get into the washer... i think it's clogged with mucky muck...

please help.  

Samsung VRT Steam Model # WF 331ANR/XAA 

theres a few model numbers inside this manual but this is the model number off the washer door...its red in color if that helps..I 'think' stbxh got if onilne from Best Buy if that helps... 

Thank you in advance for anyone willing again to help me out...I work tonight and tomorrow night...dunno when I will be able to get to it but it will have to be soon because a girl needs clean 'stuff'...ha!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stel - couple of Q's:

1. what made you think it's the filter?

2. can you get to the drain inlet behind the washer? If so, rapidly pour a gallon or two of water down the drain. If it backs up, you'll know it's the drain.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

drain inlet? what's that? I've got pipes and hoses back there I think...
someone mentioned it might be...the filter...I want to see if that's a possibility...as for the pvc pipe where two hoses go into..(water) where the water pours out of...there's no way of pouring water into that unless I stand there and do it with a measuring cup...

I don't even know if i'm making sense...explaining it right...

filter could be clogged due to dog hair...several times the stbx used my washer for a lot of dog bedding...(not ok)...

I will have to move stuff about to try and move this stackable...I hope it doesn't fall on me...lol...it's going to be a process but one I am willing to do...still want to know where the filter is....etc...becaue if its just a matter of cleaning that sucker out...I'm game...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Is this similar to your washer hookup?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

""""the p. trap within 18" of floor""" toward bottom of diagram...THAT is the thing that fills up with water and and goes all over the place...only there's two hoses that go into it..not one.. so it's 'similar'...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm at work...I can't see behind my washer..it's a stackable if that helps.. but yea as far as the stuff on the wall I also have a water softener in the way of that pipe that's draining...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

correction...

I think it's called the drain stand pipe...that's what fills with water...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

If that's the case, I'll wager it's not the washer water filter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I guess I'll be finding out! Lol


----------



## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

Stella, all I can do is cry when I read your post. Everything you wrote mimics what I am going through and I swear its the same man.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

jacque...feel free to share your story...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> """"the p. trap within 18" of floor""" toward bottom of diagram...THAT is the thing that fills up with water and and goes all over the place...only there's two hoses that go into it..not one.. so it's 'similar'...


Take a picture of your hookup and post it here.


----------



## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

Where do I begin...we met in 1998, married in 99. He made me feel safe, protected and at least I thought "loved". It was all a farce. I have been verbally, physically and emotionally abused. He is an alcoholic passive aggressive prick who continues to make my life a living hell. He has never apologized for anything. I am the one who does just to have peace in the home. Whatever I do it's wrong to him. Just last week he pretty much told me he doesn't care anymore. I said let's talk about it. He never wants to communicate. Everything goes under the rug, till that same problem comes back again. Wash,rinse repeat..His drinking is getting worse to where he drinks an 18-24 pack of beer a day. The next morning is so scary because that's when he is so mean. Yesterday I went to visit my parents. When I returned he locked me out of my bedroom. I asked him please to unlock the door. Finally, I said I would call the police and get a restraining order. He opened the door violently and came at me with his fist in the air. I looked at him and said, "get your last shot in before you go to jail" He put his fist down and then proceeded to call me a c*nt at least 20 times. The b word another 20. Oh, and said he hopes I die in my sleep. This was because I asked him to open the door. 

Here is the kicker. I am a smart, mature , educated woman. Why can't I stop loving this man I hate so much.


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

A 24 pack? Wow.


----------



## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

With ease. Never gets sick. He is a very large man. He towers over me. I am in my room right now and I can hear him pop the top of a can every 10 min. When he is done he just passes out.


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Nice. 

I'd be in the hospital or dead. 

But beer aside, you either love him or you don't. 

If he quit drinking, would it help the situation?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jacque said:


> Where do I begin...we met in 1998, married in 99. He made me feel safe, protected and at least I thought "loved". It was all a farce. I have been verbally, physically and emotionally abused. He is an alcoholic passive aggressive prick who continues to make my life a living hell. He has never apologized for anything. I am the one who does just to have peace in the home. Whatever I do it's wrong to him. Just last week he pretty much told me he doesn't care anymore. I said let's talk about it. He never wants to communicate. Everything goes under the rug, till that same problem comes back again. Wash,rinse repeat..His drinking is getting worse to where he drinks an 18-24 pack of beer a day. The next morning is so scary because that's when he is so mean. Yesterday I went to visit my parents. When I returned he locked me out of my bedroom. I asked him please to unlock the door. Finally, I said I would call the police and get a restraining order. He opened the door violently and came at me with his fist in the air. I looked at him and said, "get your last shot in before you go to jail" He put his fist down and then proceeded to call me a c*nt at least 20 times. The b word another 20. Oh, and said he hopes I die in my sleep. This was because I asked him to open the door.
> 
> Here is the kicker. I am a smart, mature , educated woman. Why can't I stop loving this man I hate so much.


You know what. You should start your own thread so that we can all give you support. Just copy this post and start with it.


----------



## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

I will always care about him. I find it difficult to love him the way I did. I fear he will try and hurt himself. His father committed suicide. His sister has tried 4 times unsuccessfully. His younger brother has been on methadone for years to combat a painkiller addiction. His older brother killed his younger sister by accident and has multiple issues. His mother died due to her vodka addiction. 

I come from a home where mom and dad have been married for 52 years now. A non drinking loving family. I never saw the sign because I didn't know. I always felt I could fix him.


----------



## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

I have a hard time copying with my iPad.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Jacque said:


> I will always care about him. I find it difficult to love him the way I did. I fear he will try and hurt himself. His father committed suicide. His sister has tried 4 times unsuccessfully. His younger brother has been on methadone for years to combat a painkiller addiction. His older brother killed his younger sister by accident and has multiple issues. His mother died due to her vodka addiction.
> 
> I come from a home where mom and dad have been married for 52 years now. A non drinking loving family. I never saw the sign because I didn't know. I always felt I could fix him.



I have no fear my stbx will hurt himself. He's to vain. But if he did I'm not so sure I would blink. 

My stbx and your don't seem to be anything alike and their back grounds are definitely different. I can relate to thinking or wishing we could have fixed him mentality though. I feel had my stbxh had gotten and wanted some serious help we could have succeeded in our marriage. 

You should start your own thread and get some feed back here this is a great place. Welcome! 
I don't know whaT brought you here sorry your here but welcome


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Jacque said:


> Where do I begin...we met in 1998, married in 99. He made me feel safe, protected and at least I thought "loved". It was all a farce. I have been verbally, physically and emotionally abused. He is an alcoholic passive aggressive prick who continues to make my life a living hell. He has never apologized for anything. I am the one who does just to have peace in the home. Whatever I do it's wrong to him. Just last week he pretty much told me he doesn't care anymore. I said let's talk about it. He never wants to communicate. Everything goes under the rug, till that same problem comes back again. Wash,rinse repeat..His drinking is getting worse to where he drinks an 18-24 pack of beer a day. The next morning is so scary because that's when he is so mean. Yesterday I went to visit my parents. When I returned he locked me out of my bedroom. I asked him please to unlock the door. Finally, I said I would call the police and get a restraining order. He opened the door violently and came at me with his fist in the air. I looked at him and said, "get your last shot in before you go to jail" He put his fist down and then proceeded to call me a c*nt at least 20 times. The b word another 20. Oh, and said he hopes I die in my sleep. This was because I asked him to open the door.
> 
> Here is the kicker. I am a smart, mature , educated woman. Why can't I stop loving this man I hate so much.



I missed this post...how did I miss this? Multi tasking....shhh...I'm at work  

...aaaaaand there it is....yessss....similar in its form....sigh.....I'm sorry girl. My stbxh didn't have a drinking problem but it didn't help when he did drink of course. 

So when do you want to be done dealing with it? You have kids? As for the loving him part don't be too sure it's all love Hun...it's condependancy....read the book" condependancy no more"...immediately...as in put it on your kindle via ipad right away. It pertains to you 100% and it will help you in your current situation as well as make some choices and how to deal with him. 

You know I'm going to tell you to leave him right? 
How are things going now? What's going on? What is it you want to do?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Sometimes I still feel an entire loss of my sense of self. 
Who am I? What am I like? What is my identity? I don't know...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Join the club.

The thought of finding out is scary but also just a little exciting I think.

I have never been single as an adult for longer than 6 months. The whole thing is new ground for me not just being apart from her but from anyone at all.

I am very nervous about my meetup on thursday but its all about breaking new ground and seeing where I find myself. 

Have always let fear of failing restrict what I attempt but no longer.

Full speed ahead Stella. You already rock. When you finish discovering yourself you are going to blow the roof off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

How come when I heard "Stella you are one of the strongest people I know" I began to tear up? ...doesn't make sense to me. Strong? ...And I'm tearing up? Acceptance, personal & professional growth, integrity, courage, a peaceful mindset of absorbing the reality of it all and just grabbing this life of mine by the balls and saying "I got this"...comes down to strength. 

Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that's what makes you strong...even if you had to shed a few tears being told "you have it in you Stella..."


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Strength is moving foward when it's the right thing to do, even when it hurts like hell. Especially then, in fact.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jacque said:


> I have a hard time copying with my iPad.


I created a thread for you. Here it is....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...op-loving-man-i-hate-so-much.html#post1501328


----------



## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

Stella Moon I feel bad and my heart ached reading your post! I cried the 1st week uncontrollably . It all takes me to another level that i have to move on as you are...I really choked up reminding me of my stupid life waiting for him to change and still waiting & he wont! We want the best and we get the worst.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Any luck on the washer drain, Stella?


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> How come when I heard "Stella you are one of the strongest people I know" I began to tear up? ...doesn't make sense to me. Strong? ...And I'm tearing up? Acceptance, personal & professional growth, integrity, courage, a peaceful mindset of absorbing the reality of it all and just grabbing this life of mine by the balls and saying "I got this"...comes down to strength.
> 
> Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that's what makes you strong...even if you had to shed a few tears being told "you have it in you Stella..."


Why can't we like posts more than once? I'd break the damn button on this if I could.

Real strength isn't the absence of pain, it is progress despite it!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Any luck on the washer drain, Stella?


I slept most of the day..had appts. today...and now out meeting a friend for a margarita...haven't had a chance to run the washer yet...perhaps tomorrow...got to create a load of laundry...lol...

also was thinking of running a 'pure cylce'...(self cleaning) to see what happens.. 

I cleaned the filter...drained the water that was behind it...thing is it wasn't dirty...I will find out where I stand when I run the machine again...heh...

I certainly will be letting you know...it's just not going to be today...had a rough night at work last night...i'm sorta stressed...got a lot on my mind...i'm down. confused. 
tired....been crying...hate crying...drains the crap out of me. 
felt I was doing great at work...but they want better...I don't get it...told I'm doing awesome...but not awesome enough...what?? 
wtf...I need to step up my game...but I was... ....huh??? 
I don't get this job...politics... I'm just so ??? at the moment... 
Was getting so many cudos since me and my stbxh split...and yet told to do even 'better'... 
I need some down time tonight...in truth...I'm so beat can barely sit on this stool...haha...but gonna be fed...and gonna chat with a guy friend of mine...
I'm so glad you asked cos I need to figure that sucker out...sigh...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

it was my Lieutenant that made the comment to me about being a strong person...he was telling me about what a crappy 2012 I had. (I was with my stbxh)

anyway... my person as a whole and an employee has improved...again getting cudos ya...'but'...they want more...and now. I've got leadership qualities...blah blah blah...but I don't want to be a Lt. or a 'leader' in this job. no interest...I did it for 12yrs in my last job...but they want improvement as an officer regardless. What I don't understand is why I'm singled out for this? Or I feel as though I am.. This Lt. is on me like white on rice...and now my captain along with him...so...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Enjoy your 'rita(s). 

Lemme know on the drain. If its still clogged, I have an idea that's worked well on clogged drains for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Btw - any chance the added job pressure could be related to your battle w stbx?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I wondered the same thing, OT.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Btw - any chance the added job pressure could be related to your battle w stbx?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you mean?


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> What do you mean?


Welp, if stbx or his dad have any of your superiors' ear, they could be painting you as a woman scorned, psycho, or whatever. 

You know - the good ole boys club. 

Just a thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Welp, if stbx or his dad have any of your superiors' ear, they could be painting you as a woman scorned, psycho, or whatever.
> 
> You know - the good ole boys club.
> 
> ...



ha...well...I'd have to act like a psycho to be considered one at the very least...ha! Scorned however...but this Lt...although he's on my back...he doesn't dislike me or anything. He wasn't a real fan of my stbxh by any means...this Lt. does want me to succeed but the way he's going about it...is uncool with me. 

I'm just going to do my best and go with whatever I have to go with...I did talk to a union rep who's not liking it either and feels its way unwarranted with the facts/info given him...(because it is) this Lt. is not well liked...but "i" don't have issue with him like others do... although I don't like what is happening now... I've never been a thorn in any Supervisors side and I don't intend to be now. 

so...I'm just going to give him what he wants...with enthusiasm. Step up my game...and give 'em 'game'... own it. 
This is a great paying job...and I'm not going to let my past lack of enthusiasm...or fears...ruin my future...like everything else I have to do...I'm just going to ... own it...go for it...make an impression. 

I've got nothing to lose...I will not regress...I will not let what has happened to my self esteem from the past hold me back...


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I've got leadership qualities...blah blah blah...but I don't want to be a Lt. or a 'leader' in this job. no interest...I did it for 12yrs in my last job...but they want improvement as an officer regardless. What I don't understand is why I'm singled out for this? Or I feel as though I am.. This Lt. is on me like white on rice...and now my captain along with him...so...


Because you do have leadership qualities. Your time on this board has shown that.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Because you do have leadership qualities. Your time on this board has shown that.


Stella could lead me into temptation - if I didn't already know the way...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Stella the reason why your tearing up when the people here say your strong is the realization that people believe in you.
Courage is what a person has when their scared but face things headon and don't runaway. You've exemplified that.
Sounds like their putting some undue stress on you at work in trying to stepup your game.You would think that they would realize that with everything you've had go on/going on with your life that they would back off some there is a time and place for everything.
I guess if I was in your shoes I would keep a diary of whats going on in work.They start putting to much pressure on you I would tell them this is the way I feel.....most people will respect that.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Any luck on the washer drain, Stella?


still over flowing...neighbor friend going to look at it with me this saturday...run a snake down that pipe in case it is a clog...I just don't see it being anything else...

it was me and my bucket again tho...lol...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> Stella the reason why your tearing up when the people here say your strong is the realization that people believe in you.
> Courage is what a person has when their scared but face things headon and don't runaway. You've exemplified that.
> Sounds like their putting some undue stress on you at work in trying to stepup your game.You would think that they would realize that with everything you've had go on/going on with your life that they would back off some there is a time and place for everything.
> I guess if I was in your shoes I would keep a diary of whats going on in work.They start putting to much pressure on you I would tell them this is the way I feel.....most people will respect that.


I did express that...even told them i felt singled out...it didn't matter...I'm in disbelief but they got my balls in a vice grip...that's how they roll...and they know this...I did talk to my union rep...as I said he's not liking it at all nor understand why this is happening...he thinks the particular Lt. is on a power trip...
I can't say I disagree...but even the union rep knows I have no choice in this matter...I'm just going to have to push myself really hard to please this guy...'and' bite my tongue..


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Anyway you can put a funnel in the pipe and run some boiling water down it? I've just good luck with that in the past be it ice or soap bulidup.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> ...'and' bite my tongue..


That'll be a sight, lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Lt. on a power trip.Great.....I worked for the Federal Bureau of Prisons for a time right out of High School.I know how frickin uptight some of these sorts can be.Well not to mention my military time...sucks these people won't even let you be human,expect perfection.I've seen these types crash and burn too they get so wound up and they end up psych cases....we can only hope.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Why don't you want leadership though Stella? Is it that you really don't want t for whatever reason or is there something making you hold yourself back?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Why don't you want leadership though Stella? Is it that you really don't want t for whatever reason or is there something making you hold yourself back?


In this job...no way. It's not for me. 
I don't want to stay there anyway...

I want to rent out my lakehouse and move back to wisconsin to the small town i love...where my friends are...work the jail there...theres a prison 45 min from it I heard also...I can work there and commute...

there's a company I can hire to manage my lakehouse...to collect the rent and take care of the maintenance. Now this may be a bit far off here because Id need my finances in better order...etc etc...but possible down the road.. 

I don't like the plant. I don't want to live where I'm at. I've got nothing here anymore. I need change. 

My son is looking to move in with me in may...in this tiny little house...ha! This should be amusing...I told him he needs to be a 'help' and not a burden or a sluff...i'm not dealing with that. 

I have some mediation thingy coming up at the end of the month on the 27th...my atty. is going to see if we can schedule one on our own...bewtween the two attys. so avoid fees etc....

I told my atty. to let the other side know Iwant this divorce 'over'...'now'...I want my stbxh to know and 'get the message' I want this done. ...and it's all about getting his CRAP out of here and MONEY. I want to end this martial bullshxt. Fk him fk this. It ended long ago. Figure it out...gimme half the debt and sign and get out of my life so I can stop signing your last name... I HATE IT. 

So as sick as it makes me in my stomach I need to get this over with...and now this job thing is stressing me out. 

I have to work tonight... ugh!


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

and stella of course you can come shooting with me anytime you want im not sexist  bet we could get Zillard to tag along


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> How come when I heard "Stella you are one of the strongest people I know" I began to tear up? ...doesn't make sense to me. Strong? ...And I'm tearing up? Acceptance, personal & professional growth, integrity, courage, a peaceful mindset of absorbing the reality of it all and just grabbing this life of mine by the balls and saying "I got this"...comes down to strength.
> 
> Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that's what makes you strong...even if you had to shed a few tears being told "you have it in you Stella..."


I tear up also when I hear it... An I have been getting a lot of positive reinforcement from some close friends and co-workers. I know exactly what you mean! Great Job Stella. I used to have an aunt Stella, she was a very strong woman also!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

You will be in a much better place after all of this is over Stella. And happier for it. Keep that ball rolling and it will gain momentum.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

If any of you guys are interested in knowing me in real life...my real name etc... and want to friend me on fb...I would love to have you. 

Message me...I will give you the info... you guys are the best thing that has happened to me...after the divorce I don't care who knows...

fb people/ real life people don't know about 'stella moon' however...so...shhhh.... is all I ask...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

hey yanno...

I can change my name to 'anything I want' can't i?...during/after this divorce...heh heh heh...

wouldn't that be a mind blower? 'stella moon'..... 

I should just do it....it would be just a f'n SHOCKER! hahahahaaa! Since my blog was used in court etc....HAAHHAAAA! 

wouldn't THAT...be something....I got a cool name though...but this would be just a mind blower....(at work especially)....

just thinkin' out loud crazy....but HAHA!


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

this is the first time ive talked to you stella but you had me on the other post at can i bring my 50 cal. to heck with zillard we will leave him home and go shooting dont need an amateur like him anyway


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

He can have dinner ready for us when we are done...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I think you may just be pushing his boundaries there and get a hearty, I'm not ok with that!


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stella just offered to "have" me?!? I read it as me and not a general invite, I'm not good at sharing! 

If I had read that last night when had been drinking i may have spent the rest of the night looking for flights! I'd still do it but sober i know I don't have any money to!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Stella just offered to "have" me?!? I read it as me and not a general invite, I'm not good at sharing!
> 
> If I had read that last night when had been drinking i may have spent the rest of the night looking for flights! I'd still do it but sober i know I don't have any money to!


Your slow. 



lol! 


Anyone else wanna facebook?


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Slow? Only at first.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Slow? Only at first.


_niiiiice.... _


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Slow? Only at first.


Your hotness just increased....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Haha I'm trying 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> hey yanno...
> 
> I can change my name to 'anything I want' can't i?...during/after this divorce...heh heh heh...
> 
> ...


:rofl: you should..... as for me: I decided to stick with the name Ugh...... I know... but I had mine for 17 (and I didnt like it) I have two sons and a new grandson with his same last name, Ive had it for 36 years... I figured why should I be the one with a differnt name... ?


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

Z did say he was a good cook...i like the way you think stella!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

at a gathering...at a house...where my daughter is at...hate every damn obnoxious person here...I'm off on in the corner on my own on my ipad being made fun off because i'm not smoking a bowl or drinking some hard liquor... I just don't mix...heh...thing is...i don't even want too... sigh... I hate people... I want grown ups... this sucks...seriously... gosh...

a cum towel would walk out of here disgusted...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

how old is your daughter? how many children do you have?


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> a cum towel would walk out of here disgusted...


high-class joint, eh?


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Oh Stella, you have such a way with words lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stella, I have just seen some pics you didn't post here..

They shouldn't have been laughing, they should have been fighting each other to be closest to your corner!  

Then again if it was as bad as you say they would have known you are out of their league!

I know exactly what you mean though, I have a hard time of pretending to be interested in *******s. In fact I would say I despite being pretty chilled most of the time, I would be as happy biatchslapping 50% of the people I meet as I am saying Hi.

I do not understand how so many great people end up here when the world is so full of gits.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I need to talk: 

haha! I had a pretty nasty attitude (within myself) last night getting grief from some of the crowd and especially this one guy. I made a couple of smart ass comments back...the quality of people are good...don't get me wrong (some more than others of course but it was a nice big house and more people came later) I was also in a bad mood because right before they showed up my daughter had to have one of her drunken spaz moments. That chick really needs to get off the sauce and sober up...geez...she lives her life like the world revolves around her...I was telling her about my stbxh...she had no idea of my past life with him and I mean no clue...as we are not close and she just got tired about hearing my story...yea for 5 min it wasn't about her...so she spazzed and stormed off and locked herself in a room...it was funny...so I went to my ipad and people showed up...it got louder...
I kept getting hounded by some big dude...he just kept harassing me...I can't remember exactly what he was saying but he was..I was deeply PM'ing one of you guys on here etc...and drinking my Bud Light ...so I had a pretty good jag on anyway...

so random big dude keeps making these comments and annoying me...trying to engage me in conversation... 

so I thought ok..I'm going to be done now and join the crowd....and this big dude zeroes in on me...he's 'nothing' like I would ever 'date'...nothing...he's a marsh mellow...but 'cute'...good looking...not ripped...and then here comes his personality...aaaand he smokes. YUK! BIG YUK for me...(causes migraines) hate the smell...but Im hammered I don't care and the next thing you know I'm wrestling around with another guy just goofin'...then playing a drunken card game...and I even smoked some cigs...wow...ugh! Gross...

So big guy...keeps mac'in on me...even with some attitude...there's another dude (cute/good lookin) passed out in my loft where I was going to sleep) I told him no problem...when I'm ready I'm going to climb up there and just lay next to you...no big deal...I continue drinking...beers gone...vodka coke...'ugh'....so then it's time to crash...it's getting daylight...marshmallow sees I'm climbing into the loft to lay next to other dude...he gives me attitude...doesn't like it... 

..makes me smile... he says...'you want me up there next to you instead of him' (says name)...I said...'no it's ok'...it's just for sleep''...marsh doesn't like my answer'...grumbles...I ask him to hand me a glass of water...he's grumbling....he reaches up and hands me water...I have my ipad out in the loft...marsh lays down on the couch below...so I say...'well you could take me to dinner sometime'...yanno'... 

somehow the loft thing comes up again right away...and I said 'ok'...so marsh wakes up other dude and other dude climbs down to the couch and marsh climbs up...I roll over toward my ipad with is my norm for me...and get spooned and marsh has his hands on me...strong hands...and I'm feeling it. it was feeling so great I got teary eyed and I couldn't control it. I kept it to myself... he didn't notice... 

he's rubbing out this knot in my neck he found that has been there for weeks cos of my rifle...and i'm telling him how it hurts and he's saying ''your going to have to deal with this pain to get rid of it'' as he's rubbing it out...and he friggin...just rubs it out and my waiste and my back and my neck and then he says...

'you need to put that thing away...be done with that'...(meaning my ipad)...I'm thinking...'ok'...so I put ipad away...and I turn toward him and he's rubbing my back and waist... and just touching me and I begin to weep... oh fk i'm getting emotional because I haven't been 'touched like this in months....MONTHS!...and he realizes I'm sniffing and crying and now I can't speak...wtf...'dumb'...I just burry my face into his chest speechless... thinking 'he's 'nothing' like I would 'lay with'...and yet here I am''''....and this feels good....

he tried to kiss me and I couldn't kiss...at that time...I couldn't kiss...I just stayed buried...I was lost in his big arms and chest... I finally had to say 'something'....I simply said..."I just haven't been with anybody 'like this' since'.....and I couldn't finish... and I was trying so hard to regain my composure...I was struggling not to miss my stbxh...because I was wishing it was him...and realizing it wasn't...and yet glad it wasn't...and liking it was this guy...I was so fkd up in those moments....then it stopped. 

I pulled myself together...I let him start kissing me....'wow'... I felt wanted...owned''''....desired...lusted...my clothes came off...and he did everything else to me....but no sex. Not for lack of trying...but a med he's on...(like I can't understand that...lol) but it didn't even matter...it was all about me and my body is content...and it hasn't been in months... (this way) 

i like him...and it might make my daughter insane cos she rolls like that but I don't care...

his age? *cough....27. No kids... sells insurance...drives a motorcycle...and he's funny....he's secure in himself by the looks of his pics...he's handsome. 
don't like the smoking....and again...I'm not one to go for 'round' men...but he's a marshmallow...cute...handsome one....weird huh... 

I liked the way he talked to me...he likes me. 

I told him to take me to a hockey game. I like him.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> she lives her life like the world revolves around her


Nobody here knows anyone like that.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> how old is your daughter? how many children do you have?


my daughter is 27...and my son is 21...


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Do you want a 2X4 or a pass on this one? I've heard on this board that the first time you get laid is when you get over STBX so I can be lenient.


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

I'd call that progress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Why would I need a 2 x 4? 

For 'finally' stepping out and spending time as the woman I am supposed to be? Instead of living alone in a lake house preoccupied with the woes me thoughts? Missing my ex who I will never hear from again? 
I got some needs met? 

I have no idea how long it will take to get over my stbx in my heart....could be a long time I imagine...but in the mean time...I'm going to get out of here...I'm going to get a back rub ...and what ever else I want rubbed. I'm done with this being alone if I don't want to be. It's been months. I want to go to a hockey game. I want to be around people and asked if I made it home safely. 

I will have triggers here and there ....it's going to happen when it happens. But I'm not going to wallow in self pity...I feel like holding hands or having someone's arms around me now...I will. And if I don't I won't. 
I don't see why I need a 2 x 4. Pppfffftttt.. 
I had some fun and made me laugh and set out to do nothing but 'please me' and not get something off me. 
I loved it. I made a friend.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hey Stella, even round people can be good people. 

Just take care of yourself. I'm glad you had a good time. Don't worry about his age. YOu are officially a cogar now


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

lmao...oh honey...I could care less about his age...i like 'em young...as long as they don't want to procreate...I'm good. Raaarrr..... 

heh heh heh... >


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

He was my lil' marsh mallow...I liked it...damn aggressive...got my attention...woke me the f' up...all kinds of places...handsome guy...i like good lookin' men...what can I say...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> lmao...oh honey...I could care less about his age...i like 'em young...as long as they don't want to procreate...I'm good. Raaarrr.....
> 
> heh heh heh... >


A couple of months ago a 35 year old guy made a pass at me. Pretended to not notice which just got him working harder at it.

He's a friend of my 23 year old daughter. She had him staying at our place to help out with some of the farm maintenance. He was just not my type.

You are right, age means nothing.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> He was my lil' marsh mallow...I liked it...damn aggressive...got my attention...woke me the f' up...all kinds of places...handsome guy...i like good lookin' men...what can I say...


Just watch the agressive part. You have a history of being with a guy who is agressive in an abusive manner. So make sure you pay attention to boundaries.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Where the he!! is everybody?


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Who you looking for??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Just gettin on after a nice mornin romp. 

Glad you had fun, Stel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

im hiding under your bed had to wait till you left so you didnt notice me


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Well I been busy Stela hun, now I am here though, other than a little jealousy, I say good on ya. 

You just need to tread carefully. You did nothing wrong but you make sure anyone you let near you is right for you.

I think you are awesome but I think you are vulnerable if you are nor careful. You just look after yourself.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Why would I need a 2 x 4?
> 
> For 'finally' stepping out and spending time as the woman I am supposed to be? Instead of living alone in a lake house preoccupied with the woes me thoughts? Missing my ex who I will never hear from again?
> I got some needs met?
> ...


Stella - you and I have been "friends" on the board for several months and I have always been a strong supporter of yours and if I'm misintepreting this please let me know.

What you related raised some red flags and concerns to me:

1. A party with heavy drinking/drugging which you chose not to partake of (wise choice) but receive so much flak you have to isolate in a separate room and get on TAM to get through it. Doesn't sound like so much of a good time.

2. A heavy physical encounter with a man 20 years younger who agressively pursued you around at this party before getting to know each other on some kind of date.

Trust me, I've been around the block so I'm not coming from any negative perspective. And I understand completely the need for intimacy and self-esteem-building. He!! if I had a 27 year old over me right now, I would be a very happy camper I think.

My concern and I think KC is agreeing here, is that I still sense an anger and vulnerability (totally understandable with what you just went through) and I would hope that you are able to set the appropriate healthy expectations and boundaries. I don't want to see you getting into an "out of the frying pan, into the fire" situation. You've done a great job so far in making yourself stronger and I want to see you continue so as not to sell yourself short.

Again, if I'm not tracking this correctly, please let me know.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Yeah think I am agreeing.

It is awesome that Stella feels ok to go with this but there are warnings about the suitability of this guy for anything beyond a short term hook up (and I don't think there is anything wrong with those myself).

It is just a case of treading carefully, of course none of us want to see the lovely Stella hurt again.

Oh and of being jealous of someone else beating me to it!..


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

:iagree::iagree:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

terrence4159 said:


> im hiding under your bed had to wait till you left so you didnt notice me


lmao! 


...and I didn't get 'romped'....heh...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> ...and I didn't get 'romped'....heh...


Sorry...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i wanted to i mean your hot, i was scared you got guns and know how to use them


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

terrence4159 said:


> i wanted to i mean your hot, i was scared you got guns and know how to use them


She has a big dog too. I've been told that men don't like women who have big dogs. I have 3 big dogs and a shot gun. No wonder I'm not getting dates... :rofl:


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I would never judge another about when it’s time for them to date, have sex again, ect.... I know that probably many on here feel the same as you have and many have even probably experienced what you have. You just don’t sound like a person that it’s all about "physical" needs. You have many emotional needs at this point and you have to be very careful about who you let in... There are all kinds of takers and users. It sounds like your justifying being a taker but really were you a taker or was this guy who perused you? I don’t know and won’t pretend to have the answers for you. I would just caution you on putting yourself in situations again that you might not be ready for emotionally or physically. I think about it like when our children where little, you can tell them over and over again to stay away from the electrical out let but unless you put a protector in it they will probably still go for it and get a shock; it might not hurt them but will certainly knock them back on their butt. But why take the chance? We could let them learn on their own but at what risk? Just be careful is all I’m saying, loneliness is a hard thing to bare.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Stella - you and I have been "friends" on the board for several months and I have always been a strong supporter of yours and if I'm misintepreting this please let me know.
> 
> What you related raised some red flags and concerns to me:
> 
> ...



I didn't leave the room...and was already on TAM when they got there...I didn't want to be bothered with them while I was on my ipad true...I hate that...like when I'm at applebees...when I'm on my ipad I don't want to 'talk to people' I want to be left alone until I'm done. 
The 27 year old isn't a user...he smokes cigarettes tho which I don't like...and he was one of the ones that 'wasn't drunk' but was having some beer like me...so I could handle some conversation with him.  

Oh goodness...I'm not diving into anything...for craps sake no. He's a good time and someone to hang out with and laugh...but he's not anyone I could see getting serious with...I can't see myself 'getting serious' with anyone. My heart isn't ready but my life must go on. I can't even see myself 'loving' anyone. I love someone else. I can't change how I feel. But I have to go on... I still mourn...grieve and cry...I still have struggles...I will have those struggles until I don't have them anymore...and I cannot put a time limit on that because that is ridiculous... 

I'm trying to fill my time. If this guy were to want to hang out again I'd be up for it...he's not even the type of guy I would 'go for'...but I like him...he makes me laugh and he was fun. Cute. And it was sure better than the four walls around here...

but yea of course I see where your coming from...

no no...yea....my insides...heart...is way elsewhere....but I got to try and move on and have a life...the stalemate is killin me...it was only a few hours of fun...I have been living my life for the plant and home. And I'm pretty sure a 27 year old cutie like that has a life too...  ...as well he should  

It was just so fun...and needed (physically and ego'lly) haha!


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Life is for living. Sounds like you had a good time

I almost wish I was far enough along to look for that sort of comfort but I don't imagine getting past a bit of flirting any time soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> I would never judge another about when it’s time for them to date, have sex again, ect.... I know that probably many on here feel the same as you have and many have even probably experienced what you have. You just don’t sound like a person that it’s all about "physical" needs. You have many emotional needs at this point and you have to be very careful about who you let in... There are all kinds of takers and users. It sounds like your justifying being a taker but really were you a taker or was this guy who perused you? I don’t know and won’t pretend to have the answers for you. I would just caution you on putting yourself in situations again that you might not be ready for emotionally or physically. I think about it like when our children where little, you can tell them over and over again to stay away from the electrical out let but unless you put a protector in it they will probably still go for it and get a shock; it might not hurt them but will certainly knock them back on their butt. But why take the chance? We could let them learn on their own but at what risk? Just be careful is all I’m saying, loneliness is a hard thing to bare.



emotionally for a moment it was difficult...but physically...oh he!! I was ready...I've never EVER been the girl that could go long periods nor have I got long periods without sex...EVER until this moronic situation. I hate him for this too...  

Years I've gone from a normal active crazy ass sex life to this dormant sterile friggin desert nothing inactive CRAP! I hate it. I'd rather have the underneath of my nail bed pried with slowly by dental picks than live this way...which I am I hate it so much...yea...I'm that much of a sex fiend. I had a great sex life with my stbxh...and now this...with his fking antics and such...he just went ahead and ruined so damn much...I hope his d*k falls off.. 

great now i feel sad again. I just hate this whole thing. I miss my ex...How he could just up and leave...'just like that'...'just walk'...

I didn't do anything man. I didn't fking do anything. I loved on him all the time no matter what...I always tried...always worked at it...and now i'm left with a mess. A big financial mess and a house that is a mess...everything is a fking mess because 'he deemed me not worthy' and I would not conform to being a nancy. (his stepford mother who puts up with his passive aggressive azzhole verbally/emotionally abusive father) 

fk. 

I have to get ready for work


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I didn't leave the room...and was already on TAM when they got there...I didn't want to be bothered with them while I was on my ipad true...I hate that...like when I'm at applebees...when I'm on my ipad I don't want to 'talk to people' I want to be left alone until I'm done.
> The 27 year old isn't a user...he smokes cigarettes tho which I don't like...and he was one of the ones that 'wasn't drunk' but was having some beer like me...so I could handle some conversation with him.
> 
> Oh goodness...I'm not diving into anything...for craps sake no. He's a good time and someone to hang out with and laugh...but he's not anyone I could see getting serious with...I can't see myself 'getting serious' with anyone. My heart isn't ready but my life must go on. I can't even see myself 'loving' anyone. I love someone else. I can't change how I feel. But I have to go on... I still mourn...grieve and cry...I still have struggles...I will have those struggles until I don't have them anymore...and I cannot put a time limit on that because that is ridiculous...
> ...


Stella - thanks so much for getting back to me on this. I didn't want to offend you or be a buzzkill but I was concerned. It sounds like you have the right attitude - just be careful .

And yes as an accused "horndog" here - it's been since September so I know what you are saying!


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Smart, funny, sassy, shoots a gun, hot and now we find high drive a well.

How nuts can one man be?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I can understand the sex thing for sure. For me iT was much needed and a huge ego boost. In a few weeks I've got more then my wife gave me the last year of our marriage and still can't get enough. 

But yeah your ex has to have a few screws loose to leave somebody as wonderful as you. I'm glad your having some fun Stella!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> emotionally for a moment it was difficult...but physically...oh he!! I was ready...I've never EVER been the girl that could go long periods nor have I got long periods without sex...EVER until this moronic situation. I hate him for this too...
> 
> Years I've gone from a normal active crazy ass sex life to this dormant sterile friggin desert nothing inactive CRAP! I hate it. I'd rather have the underneath of my nail bed pried with slowly by dental picks than live this way...which I am I hate it so much...yea...I'm that much of a sex fiend. I had a great sex life with my stbxh...and now this...with his fking antics and such...he just went ahead and ruined so damn much...I hope his d*k falls off..
> 
> ...


Stella, when you start to miss you ex all the good stuff above goes through you head. You need to change that video kido. When you start to think about him, play the video in your head about the abuse... the broken arm, the bruses, all the drama with him walking out on you several times, the way he mistreats his daughter.

You really need to put this in perspective. You should have never stayed with him after the first time he hit you. A person is only as good as the worst thing they do. Of course he was good inbetween the beatings. That's how abusers do it. It's how the suck you in. They break you then help you heal just enough, then they break you again. That is ugly drama that you did not need. You certainly do not need it now.

Stop glorifying this abuser. You are actually luky that he left before he put in a permant coma or killed you. 

Are you in IC? You really do need to get some to figure out why you clung to this horribly abusive relationship for years.

I love you girl... take care of yourself.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

^^^THIS!!^^^

When I start missing the x, I just think abt what a total biyatch she could be. 

The pleasant thoughts quickly subside.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Hows this for a kick in the fking vagina! I just got some proposal thingy from my atty...from the fkstick...

HE WANTS MY BED???!! MY FKING BED???!!! 

NO!!!!! WHAT KIND OF AZZHAT DOES THAT?!!! HE'S GOT A FULLY MOMMY AND DADDY FURNISHED HOUSE! AND HE WANTS MY BED! 

I reminded my lawyer to make it clear I'm busy fking a football team in it! 

WTF! WHO DOES THAT?! Yea it's a sleep Number...but HE hasn't and doesn't PAY FOR IT! HE HASNT PAID FOR ANYTHING...

oh and he wants the 55" flatscreen vizio....pfpffft...i'ma put a 55" cactus up his shxthole...he can have the 46" or wtf ever it is...but no...

so I said...I want the dwalt drilll the table saws...the myter saw the griner all the hammers and screw drivers and the socket sets and whatever else I want to go through in the storage...

wana play this game? MY FKING BED?! Who does this??? 
he wants the hydabed he came with also...shxt he can have that...but he's not getting my fking bed...AND i have a text from back in the day him telling me I can keep it..."oh goody' you fk tard...yay...
you stupid piece of crap...

couldn't write tonight...busy at work...I will get back to you all...

hugs...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

my bed tho? 

really? yanno I can't buy a new one...my bed? 

and no..he can't have my vizio...

he better re'think' this...
he hasn't paid a dime in anything...


funny my atty...said for me to 'not blow up' when I read the proposal....

HAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAAAA......

i won't even get into what his 'offer' was debt wise....

magot

*****...


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Stella

One of the things I love about you is you aren't afraid of or ashamed of your anger. So refreshing on this forum, all the hand-wringing self-haters who want to blame themselves for everything that's happened. 

Taking your bed, lower than whale Shyt! 

But your comment about entertaining the Green Bay Packers in said bed was the best response you could ever give him. Keep it up, kid!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> I reminded my lawyer to make it clear I'm busy fking a football team in it!


:rofl: ... :rofl: ... :rofl:

How about just claiming that all property was divided when you separated? 

You might want to take pictures of everything in your house and store them someplace safe.

Is he living with his parents or is a diff house that they are letting him use? Do you know what's in it? I wonder if you can claim that stuff as marital property...

just add up the $$ value of assets and debts.

He already has a bed and your are giving him his old bed. On judge is going to make you give him the bed you sleep on.

YOu have made his life misserable. Now he's going to try to make yours as misserable as he can. This is what we pay attornies for. Just tell your attorney what you want and let him handle it. 

You go to something that makes you feel good.

ETA: Maybe you could invite a football team over (or guys dressed like football players) and take a picture of all of you on that bed.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Haha, I had forgot that football team comment. Cracking up all over again.

He is so buthurt from you kicking his ass it isn't really a surprise he is wanting to try play games. I hope your atty is an ******* and gives him what for.

You totally should do what Ele suggested with the bed pic. A reply via atty of you all on it asking to clarify it is the bed in question!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Stella, when you start to miss you ex all the good stuff above goes through you head. You need to change that video kido. When you start to think about him, play the video in your head about the abuse... the broken arm, the bruses, all the drama with him walking out on you several times, the way he mistreats his daughter.
> 
> You really need to put this in perspective. You should have never stayed with him after the first time he hit you. A person is only as good as the worst thing they do. Of course he was good inbetween the beatings. That's how abusers do it. It's how the suck you in. They break you then help you heal just enough, then they break you again. That is ugly drama that you did not need. You certainly do not need it now.
> 
> ...



co dependance issues...yes in IC...and go to group for domestic violence... so working on it...I recognize it...

it was that I was in luuuuuv....for craps sake woman... ppffftttt......

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> :rofl: ... :rofl: ... :rofl:
> 
> How about just claiming that all property was divided when you separated?
> 
> ...



yea he's living with his parents...fully furnished home...big house...niiice...blah blah blah....

I see my atty. tomorrow... truth is my atty. is a bit freaked at this also...cos i've done run out of fundage...I owe 'him' too...thousands...wtf...how? I have no idea...and the other side said they are unwilling to give a lump sum...even tho stbxh parents are fully capable of paying... blah blah...and if i get said sum...i can pay my atty... 

I just got a little house...it's only 4 rooms...so basically it's the room where I change clothes...dressers (spare bedroom)...bathroom...bedroom...and the one room which is the kitchen/living room it's a rectangle...it's just a small lake house...hardly furnished but what is here is cute...nice...well...not so much his couches...lol  
but this home has problems...to many to list...and needs upgrades...which i cannot do...big ones...big big ones... 
but my bed is staying...he's out of his mind man... he touched a nerve with that one... 

I bet his back is hurting from his parents bed...and he wants my sleep number...
not....going....to ....happen....


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

If the bed is an emotional thing, what if you destroy it, then it is just a discussion about money?


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

you know stella with my rifle and the right price  i think we could work something out to make him just go away some day (if your within 1500 yrds your well taking a dirt map)


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> yea he's living with his parents...fully furnished home...big house...niiice...blah blah blah....
> 
> I see my atty. tomorrow... truth is my atty. is a bit freaked at this also...cos i've done run out of fundage...I owe 'him' too...thousands...wtf...how? I have no idea...and the other side said they are unwilling to give a lump sum...even tho stbxh parents are fully capable of paying... blah blah...and if i get said sum...i can pay my atty...
> 
> ...


While his parents might have money, they cannot be held responsible to pay you anything. They can help him meet his 50% of debt, but they don't have to.

All he has to do is to not pay the debt that's in your name and the companies will come after you. Then you would need to sue him for his 50%. So you might be toast in this. Sorrry to say. 

Have you considered that you might be pushed into the position of having to go bankrupt?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I can't go bankrupt I tried that already last October ...laws don't apply....would u believe I make too much money? Yea...so no. 

And I realize his parents can't pay 'me' nor are they obligated too I know all this...but they CAN are and DO pay everything for their baby and can end this disaster by paying his half period. 

I also realize the cc companies will and are going after me...yea I'm living it...
That's why I have an atty. to get a court order to get him to own his part. 

Nobody can 'make' anybody do 'anything' ...I wasn't born yesterday. 

This is about my attempt at trying to do my best to hold him legally responsible for his part. This divorce is the 'already sueing him for his 50%'. That's what I'm doing. Wether he pays now...pays later...pays this way...pays that way....has his parents pay then pays them....whatever. He will pay.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Wazza said:


> If the bed is an emotional thing, what if you destroy it, then it is just a discussion about money?


I thought about this. 

I can tell you this. 

_I won't be giving him the bed._ 


_He will never.....ever...see it. _



Ever. 

There's a better chance at the entire Green Bay Packer Team taking a nap in it than he will ever again. Or when He!! Freezes over...take your pick.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> Stella
> 
> One of the things I love about you is you aren't afraid of or ashamed of your anger. So refreshing on this forum, all the hand-wringing self-haters who want to blame themselves for everything that's happened.
> 
> ...


Funny thing is....

I live in Minnesota! 

:lol::lol::lol:


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> I can't go bankrupt I tried that already last October ...laws don't apply....would u believe I make too much money? Yea...so no.
> 
> And I realize his parents can't pay 'me' nor are they obligated too I know all this...but they CAN are and DO pay everything for their baby and can end this disaster by paying his half period.
> 
> ...


My point is that sometimes the spouse to whom a debt is assigned by the court order in a divorce does not pay. If he did this, then you will have to sue him after your divorce is final to get money.. at that point maybe his parents would pay. Who knows.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Stella - thanks so much for getting back to me on this. I didn't want to offend you or be a buzzkill but I was concerned. It sounds like you have the right attitude - just be careful .
> 
> And yes as an accused "horndog" here - it's been since September so I know what you are saying!


No no nooooooo.....

First off...I don't get offended easily  and I'm GLAD you got my back and you best chime in any time! That's what I need you and everyone else for! :') 

You are not a buzzkill dude....not at all  Nevah! As a matter of fact thank you and all of you that chimed in  

Ya....I'm a horndog as well....yep...been this way for years...I can't even leave myself alone.... :scratchhead:





:lol::lol::lol::lol:


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Funny thing is....
> 
> I live in Minnesota!
> 
> :lol::lol::lol:


Maybe give these guys a call:










*http://www.vikings.com/footer/contact-us.html*

.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> My point is that sometimes the spouse to whom a debt is assigned by the court order in a divorce does not pay. If he did this, then you will have to sue him after your divorce is final to get money.. at that point maybe his parents would pay. Who knows.


agreed.

Unreal..and by then my credit will have been good and destroyed.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Maybe give these guys a call:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> My point is that sometimes the spouse to whom a debt is assigned by the court order in a divorce does not pay. If he did this, then you will have to sue him after your divorce is final to get money.. at that point maybe his parents would pay. Who knows.


Yanno though that's why my atty is pushing for a lump sum...in this counter he is stating he doesn't trust dooshbag to pay it and keep up...

Sigh...ele take me away.....


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> agreed.
> 
> Unreal..and by then my credit will have been good and destroyed.


I"m going through that right now. We split debts, but my name is still on accounts. So my credit is going down the tubes and I'm the one getting the calls because STBX doesn't have a job, which also means no child support coming in. At this point, who cares what the agreement says. I had an agreement to protect me and it didn't and now I could go to court to get an order of payment, but what good would that do. No blood from a stone. This is not how I thought my life would turn out.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

old timer said:


> Maybe give these guys a call:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Shame they aren't hosting the packers any time soon, you could invite em both.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Shame they aren't hosting the packers any time soon, you could invite em both.


ok...now were just making me out to sound really *****'ish... lmao... 

pluto...sht..sounds rough...I'm right there with you...but i've made it clear to make it clear to the other side...they can drag it out and drag it out...not pay...pay ...wait...

point is I will do my best to recover when this is through and if he doesn't pay he will be back in court..back in court.. back in court...
he doesn't want all this 'back in court' stuff in his back ground etc...he's going to have to figure it out... I will be always a thorn in his side until I get this paid...period... I'm not going to bend... I didn't create this debt on my own and I don't intend to pay it on my own... 

you see...I will pressure...and in hopes his money bags parents will just cut a check to make it all go away..


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Heh, I figured once you were up to a 53 man roster that numbers wouldn't be much of a concern anymore! 

The rest sounds good. If half the debt is his, he should pay it. If he doesn't want to or can't there is always bankruptcy. Not your problem though. No way on earth should you pay a cent more than your own share.

Did we ever tell you, you rock? I think we may have, just wanted to be sure!


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

ughhh NOOOO STELLAAAAA a vikings fan dam i was just about to move to minnesota to be with the gun packing hottie......not now


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Dude! I'm NOT a Vikings fan! That's OT's gig right thar...not even a football fan...I have besties in Wisconsin...dunno how the Packers even got into this convo! But hey...if there's gonna be a football team involved it's gonna be the Packers...nooooo not a Vikings fan...take me back take me back!!! 

I LOVE HOCKEY!!!!!!!!!!! WILD FAN!


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

ughhh not a football fan we have a 1% chance now (have a cowboys tattoo on my calf) ughh ughh ughh hockey fan we got a -78748996% chance...oh well guess it want in the cards


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Seen my Atty. today... 

I luv him. 

My stbxh proposed only 11 grand in debt...including the house there's over 179 thousand... anyone else's ribs hurt in laughter? Realize why I'm so angry yet? Yea...'my bed'...won't be going anywhere...neither will my tv... watch. 

Also...took pics of some 'issues' with my lake house...the 'mess' I'm left with...yea...add the 'true' debt that wasn't included in their 'proposal'...add the fact he's gotten denials for applications for trying to buy new vehicles as soon as he left the house... (shows his character etc...lack of responsibility etc....) again the 'true debt'...this boat I have...I didn't want...that is an added 27 grand I have been making payments on...dudes...I live on a lake...I cannot afford this boat...he can sell it...take it...etc...point is...I can't....etc...(venting here gonna be random) ...
and the household crap he abandoned is being added...the propane...(he cut me off...the furnace bills)...unfinished projects...'bad bad tiles falling off molded (i'm allergic too/get shots for every week) bathroom...etc etc...) so this house as much as I love it...needs maintenance cant 'sell it'...plus being upside down on it because extra line of credit on it...yea...so he walked on so much...omg...
11 grand? I think I peed a little and threw up in my mouth...so did my atty... 
my atty. gave them a proposal that will make their heads spin with the documentation to back it...and pics...and using the history of my ex being unreliable in paying debts...yea....

sigh...so...'not coming up with a lump sum is unacceptable'...theres too much debt...and at the end of the day...he owes it. period. And it's noted there's means to money...and we know it...so ...he best 'figure it out'....again...if a trial/court is what he wants...it's what we will do...because again...Mn state law...at the very least...he will have to pay...and if the court says 'come up with the money'...you best bet mummy and daddy...best give him the money....
my atty...is going for their jugular...and 'i' well....I already got his balls... 

don't fk with me...don't EVER fk with me...you don't just walk out...after 3yrs of beatings...and tell me financially your 'not' going to pay...or deem me not worthy of a ****ing phone call...or 'cut my fking propane' (in the winter!)...screw with my credit...NOT accept responsibility...and then...AND THEN....go after my sleep number bed I NEED for my spine? 


I will go through my deep depression...hurt like hell and be confused...But I will find TAM...get my encouragement...go to IC...go to group for domestic assault...get my bearings....find balls I forgot I had...realize I didn't have to live in fear and cause you to lose your job... (hows that for financially fking someone?)

find the atty. from he!!...and sick him on YOU like a rabid dog who hasn't eaten for 2 weeks! 

Here's an idea...'get...a...job....figure it out...because i won't be going away 'until i get every damn dime'... *with interest...


Watch me.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

terrence4159 said:


> ughhh not a football fan we have a 1% chance now (have a cowboys tattoo on my calf) ughh ughh ughh hockey fan we got a -78748996% chance...oh well guess it want in the cards


 I like the cheer leaders...  

How about we be 'ok' with that...


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i never did say but i am so sorry with what you are going through i cant even imagine (my D went flawess 3 weeks from start to finish, her family wouldnt pay for a lawyer for her  they love me more)

and DEAL on liking the cheerleaders!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Seen my Atty. today...
> 
> I luv him.
> 
> ...


Stella, now don't hold back.. tell us how you really feel... :gun:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

179 thousand...(including house etc...)

his offer was 11 grand... yea...I'm going rant...is this a joke? I mean...anyone else out there experience anything else this close to outrageous? 

I'm just... 'wow'.... I mean they had to know that wasn't going to be an option? Nothing like wasting time and money...but 'that' was the 'first' proposal to come to the table with? How about 'ending' this game... I want a divorce...I want my name back...and 'my' life...just 'pay' your debt...and 'go away'... get out of my life... go!!!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> 179 thousand...(including house etc...)
> 
> his offer was 11 grand... yea...I'm going rant...is this a joke? I mean...anyone else out there experience anything else this close to outrageous?
> 
> I'm just... 'wow'.... I mean they had to know that wasn't going to be an option? Nothing like wasting time and money...but 'that' was the 'first' proposal to come to the table with? How about 'ending' this game... I want a divorce...I want my name back...and 'my' life...just 'pay' your debt...and 'go away'... get out of my life... go!!!


Any close? Yea. My ex (the doc) walked away with an MD that I paid for and a huge amount of my money that he transferred into his mother's name. Then he wanted the house (that I paid all the payments for while he was in medical school). He also wanted me to take all the debt.

I got the house as credit against some of the money to took. I did not get a penny back for the about $140K I put into his medical degree. I got screwed big time by him and his mother.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Watch me.



:allhail:


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Stella.........His first offer was meant to pi$$ you off. Counter with one just the same. Then follow it with a note "ready to get serious or just continue a pi$$ing contest."

Or reply with a % rather than amount. Let him do the math. Sounds like he never did in the past.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Vikings... I dont think soooo....


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Can I put my vote in for the Pats??

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pats?


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

they are the cheaters of the NFL!! new england patriots


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

hey...I joined a dating site! It was sort of by accident...then I got caught up...it's one you have to pay for...it's sorta neat..I'm having a good time with it...don't 2X 4 me...I'm liking this...I want to make friends and move on... but daaang theys a lot of scarys out there too huh? scarys need luvin too..haha! 

I got my nails on today...keep 'em a bit short I have to shoot in a couple of weeks...I don't like them really long but they look really nice and feminine. I do my own toes  Aside from it all..I still am working my way back to the gym...got a lot going on...im grateful I'm lean but I need to get my muscle back...spring is coming and I need to get back into my lakeshore line and start slewin the rocks...with that will come some muscle...haha...sigh...that and the job thing... 

anyway...trying to keep going here... trying to just...keep my head up... so much going on...inside myself...

when i get a chance (won't be tonight but i feel it coming on) I'm going to crank some music...and dance in my house...crazy like... some head bangin 80's rock to 80's dance music...and just 'let go'... 

theres a 'twist' in my tummy deep down...it feels sad...and I need to be rid of it...and I think some loud music...and getting the dogs to look at me all kinds of weird will do the trick... 

yea...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

terrence4159 said:


> they are the cheaters of the NFL!! new england patriots


cheaters? or cheer leaders? haha! lmao!!! 

terrence...your a trip..


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Stella-Need any 80's metal head slingers lemme know


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

thanks stella, i like to keep people on their toes.. and the patriots are cheaters and their cheerleaders are ugly


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Lol, they are not!! They didn't do anything that any other team in the nfl haven't done, they just got caught!!!

Love dancing with the music cranked!! Have fun with the dating site!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Well I suppose this was bound to happen...lol

came across my stbxh dating profile...he lied about his age by 5yrs...
he calls himself "Mrgoodtime"
pic of him in shades..face shot...then bathroom mirror...and then his dog in a sweater...
talks about how he's looking for someone who must be into kids..has a light sense of humor...then he says something what he thought was funny...lets see trying to remember...a good date would be playing buck hunter...drinking...karokee...then he goes 'oh yea dinner'...trying new places...he talks about movies he likes... 
it's rather generic... as for his pics...if Ididn't know him 'i' wouldn't stop...it's too much of a 'casanova' profile...perfect for him. 

it should be 'mrwillbetyoass' ...and leave you when i'm done. 

What's really cool here is I have an awesome profile...and what I was looking for in a man...and HE seen it. I bet it blew his freakin mind to see that...

What i'm looking for in a man I put:

...Posses honesty...sincerity and integrity...(who you are when I'm not looking is everything)
...and faith. 
**Faith is the foundation of all of the above.

~Looking for attraction and compatibility...then again isn't everyone? 

So stbxh read that...^^

i also put

My story:
I own a little house on a lake in which I enjoy waking up to the most beautiful scenery. I have a son and daughter in their 20's (they don't live with me) I am an Armed Nuclear Security Officer and although I like my job it can be stressful.  I do go to the gym and have always been into taking care of myself. As much as I enjoy being active I enjoy being still.  I like to cook and really enjoy being in the country. I've always had a soft spot for the critters but nonetheless I like to eat my venison! I am just finishing up a divorce and it's time for me to move forward.  And yes the pics of me with the shorter dark hair are current  ..the blonde one however was about 5 years ago thought I'd toss that up for fun 

and then...

my Ideal Date:

There's an 'ideal date'? Haha! 

Well I suppose after spending an evening with someone and you get that 'butterfly effect' the date was ideal.  

As for something to do to it could be anywhere from fishing to my cooking you dinner (I love to cook). Going out to dinner (dress up/dress down) is always nice of course...movies at the theater or home with some wine.

I like the simple things really...you could come over and help me pull rocks from my shore line you bring the beer I will supply the steaks  we could spark up the fire pit...

Take me to a Wild game and try and keep me calm! (Good luck with that)

I could be happy painting a room or waxing a car.. That ends in a water fight...after all it's just about hanging out and getting to know one another. 

'Ideal date'...that's just really a matter of perspective... 

So...I have 5 nice pic up...clean and sexy. but that's my profile...

and yanno what...I'm GLAD HE SAW IT. 

so now 'he knows' i'm not sitting around on my ass crying about him... 

good for me..and 'my profile' has no lies...and is sincere... and describes WHAT HE IS NOT. 

just wanted to share.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Facade 101....


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> *...we could spark up the fire pit...*


best.line.ever


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

LOL old timer 8>)


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Well...I have a date Friday night...made him send me more pics...

Holy mutha of gawd..... Stbxh who?????

No lie guys....

O..m...g...

I can't do this! Yes I can...no I can't...yes I can....no I can't...yes I can...
What am I gonna wear???????

I need to crash diet...no carbs...ugh! Wait...ugh! 

Why am I panicking...because he is HOT! 

I so need this...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> Facade 101....


What's this mean?


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Nice one Stella. You know he is "omg she hot" panicking too right!

Take it easy and have a great time. It's awesome to see you looking forward, you deserve it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Well I suppose this was bound to happen...lol
> 
> came across my stbxh dating profile...he lied about his age by 5yrs...
> he calls himself "Mrgoodtime"
> ...



Hey Stella , Id go ya straight of for the little house on the lake and scenery :smthumbup:

PS , enjoy the date you've earnt it


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Beautifully written. 
My girlfriend who met her boyfriend online said the men are always 2 inches shorter than what they say, haha 

Have fun, just relax and go with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Men and inches being exaggerated? 

I thought that was common knowledge! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

familyfirst09 said:


> Beautifully written.
> My girlfriend who met her boyfriend online said the men are always 2 inches shorter than what they say, haha
> 
> Have fun, just relax and go with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


2 inches...That puts my wife's garden gnome into the short for garden gnomes
category.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Nice one Stella. You know he is "omg she hot" panicking too right!
> 
> Take it easy and have a great time. It's awesome to see you looking forward, you deserve it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




No...he's a lot *cough...younger than me...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Ahh. Death by cougar. Damn lucky dog. 

Seriously though, don't sell yourself short Stella. Your hot and you have a kick ass personality. Watch for the old red flags but just enjoy yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Stella,

This is great news!

Enjoy yourself but remember.....always leave em wanting more!


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Ok,

1st: number 1 important thing:!!! I’m going to play mother and say BECAREFUL!! There are a lot of crazy's out there remember TED Bundy was a beautiful looking guy!

2nd: My son and his (attorney) wife met on an on-line dating site and so far so good. There are GOOD men out there to be had. My son because of living in the wilderness (NC and Nantucket for the last 10 years) working with troubled boys did not have a lot of free time and access to the type of woman he was looking for so he decided to join. They were from two neighboring states but made it work. 

3rd: In regard to the inches, my son is 6'4" and I highly doubt anything is 2 inches smaller but I really don’t want to think about that too much....

4th: Have fun, take it slow and BECAREFUL!!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> No...he's a lot *cough...younger than me...


Don't pull a muscle
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Stella.......the facade pertains to your ex's profile. It is all smoke and mirrors. Have a blast on your date....dance the night away. Don't worry about your appearance so much....if there is a spark.....it's not going to be from how cute your dress / top / whatever matches your heels.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Ok,
> 
> 1st: number 1 important thing:!!! I’m going to play mother and say BECAREFUL!! There are a lot of crazy's out there remember TED Bundy was a beautiful looking guy!
> 
> ...



LMAO! i used Ted Bundy as an example to referring to my stbx all the time LAMO! so funny you mentioned that...

and as for inches! wtf! I'm not the one who mentioned anything about 'inches'...haha...without looking back I'm not sure who mentioned inches...haha... 

but yea i'm nervous..I'm also carrying my HK...and condoms...haha! So I should be pretty safe! *evil grin at ya all...
but yea...he's 'young'...I should post a pic I told him to send me...he's cut like a sharp machete'...my ex...would drop...I mean DROP! If he seen me with this guy...

seriously...o...m...g....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> Stella.......the facade pertains to your ex's profile. It is all smoke and mirrors. Have a blast on your date....dance the night away. Don't worry about your appearance so much....if there is a spark.....it's not going to be from how cute your dress / top / whatever matches your heels.


check this out...he said on his pf he has a motorcycle and a snowmobile...and that he was 35...

when he seen my pf stopped on his pf..he changed it to liking motorcycles...and snowmobiles... I took a screen shot of both and sent it to my atty...

he owes me $35,169.42 by the way (yea that's the total by the way guys...) ...so if he has these things....well...need I say more? 

his profile...mrgoodtime'....his pics...not honest...not classy...not written well...(not educated)....cheesy...

I'm not saying this because he's my ex...but he's a pig man. 

He really is a 'pig'... lets start out with lying...35? he's FORTY!!! no motorcycle...no snowmobile...I checked with the dmv chick today...and not in his parents name either...unless someone else has them...but that's like 'him'... oh and he says he likes to 'relax' after a hard days work'....

um...he's not working... 

yanno whatever..


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

thank you chuck....


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I feel Sh1tty when I Lmao at a Stella vent as I know it is more serious than that, I cant help it though.

What a total weasel. Karma is a b1tbh though. When its his time he is going to see his ass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Don't pull a muscle
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_I'mma pull his muscle_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I wanna post pics of him so bad...y'all will know why I'm so nervous! 

That and I haven't done this since forever...


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Stella I was nervous too. My new gal says I acted like a perfect gentleman, therefore I guess I was nervous LOL

Just picture his face when the gal who sniffs out his games, calls him out on it


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

How are you Stella??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I've been wondering the same thing. Where have you been Stella? Been missing you girl!!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I have taken two young lovers...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> I have taken two young lovers...


So you have been too busy and foregotten us :nono:


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I have taken two young lovers...


tsk, tsk.....you are being greedy Stella! You need to share your toys!!!


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

i sold her dancing shoes on ebay


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

No I haven't forgotten you! I still read and 'like'. ..I'm KC's and Conrad's ....angels...mamas...eles...chucks...old timers....family firsts..bull winkles and about ten morea yas personal stalker. You cats are my family. I figured you all too busy for me...my posts aren't exactly interesting ...so I just been doing the down low but I come.
O on


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> No I haven't forgotten you! I still read and 'like'. ..I'm KC's and Conrad's ....angels...mamas...eles...chucks...old timers....family firsts..bull winkles and about ten morea yas personal stalker. You cats are my family. I figured you all too busy for me...my posts aren't exactly interesting ...so I just been doing the down low but I come.
> O on


You need to post more.

I mean GutPunch is concerned about how boring his thread is getting. Then Bullwinkle threatens to turn his thread into "GutPunch, the Second Coming"


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I just figured you got hooked up w the young stud and had better things to do. 

It happens
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> I just figured you got hooked up w the young stud and had better things to do.
> 
> It happens
> _Posted via Mobile Device_






Yea...been pre occupied. tired. And working... 

I don't know what I can tell you... so ask questions... ??

I've got two young lovers... They are not potential mates..or relationships for anything serious...

One is sort of a bad boy...likes to smoke and drink but looks like he's going to be quitting because of a recent dui...he builds houses makes good money but has no money...has a young son he has 50% of the time who he loves very much (who I haven't met and don't want too)...this guy is trouble but puts a smile on my face. He really likes me and I'm getting the feeling he wants a 'relationship'... but I've made myself clear where I'm at right now...he's not a 'player'...he can be if he wanted to be but he's not at this time...he likes to hunt and fish...
The sex is lust and passion...and he's cut like a machete' on a real lean side (too lean but he knows what to do in a gym and is getting back to that)...five' oclock shadow rugged lookin'...well endowed...like wow...loves/needs sex. I've spend a lot of time wit this one...(30yrs)

This one is two years younger than the first...I think he's more of a player....only drinks socially..works in corrections law enforcement back ground hates it wants out...clean lifestyle guy..big on family...'trys to have a bad boy image' you know..lol...'really really' hot...pretty boyish in a way...yet a five o'clock shadow on this one is niiice... he's cut also...trains as well...he gets a kick out of being with an older woman..loves/needs sex...I've spent one night with this one...says he wants to come back...I can't remember if this one hunts or fishes...kinda don't think so but not sure... no kids..he's got a 'good boy image'..with the family I think...Impression I get....(28yrs)


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So one's is like a good boy image and a bad boy image..we can call it like that I guess... lol...one is in law enforcement so to speak and one has gotten into trouble with it... 

I'm crazy huh? But I'm glad to have 'sex' back in my life...I waited months when my stbxh waited five minutes i'm sure... 

remember how he wants my bed? I have mediation tomorrow...yea well he won't be getting my bed...*I've been getting banged in it like a screen door in a hurricane by two young lovers *and I will announce it to the entire attorneys office. (my atty knows already) and make it clear my 'work bench' (that's what my stbxh called the bed) WON'T be leaving my home. 

Also as for the 55' visio flat screen tv...I needed some work done on my vehicle...new starter and some things...bill came out to 812.00 some odd cents...so I bargained the tv... paid the bill with the tv...and some cedar wood the mechanic wanted in the garage...so...I guess the 'ex' won't be getting that tv either...and yes I have the receipt for it too.  

He didn't help me financially so I had to start utilizing what I had to pay my bills and my atty. backs me on this..so the tv he wanted is 'gone'... car needed fixing...paid for it with the tv...done. 
I also have one of my pieces of jewelry on craigs list... tuff times...yep.

So...I also have a letter from my chiropractor stating how I need my select comfort etc...but irreguardless ...he's not getting my bed...ew...really? ...can you tell that gets me?


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Did i ever tell you u f'ing rock hon? Planning on visiting the uk, make it 3 younguns?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well Stella, you are getting back into life pretty well it seems. Good for you!!!

Hope your mediation goes well tomorrow. It seems you have solved a few of the issues already.. the bed and the tv. 

Though I would have loved the football team picture.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ye gawd....'football team' ....

Kill me now....


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

lmao stella
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

No football team yet...
men's doubles tennis for warmup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Holy crap, Stella!! :allhail:Be safe, but have fun. You deserve it. :smthumbup:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Yea I'm safe..no other way to be...

I still like my time alone...need it...I still mourn and find myself crying and doing the 'why' crap. It's been six months now... almost..in a few days... unreal...well, it's what he wanted...so be it.. I hope he's empty and unfullfilled. 
I can be doing what I'm doing and I'd rather be married and settled down with my love. But I don't have a 'love'...

so....so be it... so I'mma luv a couple of 'em for now... and just try and get through another six months...


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

wasn't that Stella in that team photo of Michigan? team going to Final Four and that naughty eyed "haw-tee" in a crop top?????


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Sounds like a plan Stella. Take your time, dont get burned and just enjoy what comes (or is that cums) your way.

Is the house behaving better now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> remember how he wants my bed? I have mediation tomorrow...yea well he won't be getting my bed...*I've been getting banged in it like a screen door in a hurricane by two young lovers *and I will announce it to the entire attorneys office.


Have you ever considered that that might make him want it more?




Pb.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> Have you ever considered that that might make him want it more?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


They...stbxh and his atty...were no shows...second 'forget' or cancel or what have you...

No...well unsure if stbxh 'knows' of my activities...he 'might'...dunno...it could be because he has a bad back or because his name is also on the payments and i quit paying so he paid the last couple of payments so he figures to take the bed? lol...

lol...I wondered...yanno...but...think more on the 'no' side...but again...maybe just to take it...who knows... 

I don't think this guy cares about anything I do or who I'm with...not at all...he walked out on me soo many times without any regard as to what I was up to or what I did...he was pretty secure I was a good wife (well I was) but that being said..meaning...he never had any jealousy issues toward the end of our marriage...he could care less...he was always told how lucky he was and what a beautiful wife he had blah blah blah...

he was numb to me...he didn't care...so 'no'...I dunno...I don't think so... nah... at least not in a jealousy sense...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Sounds like a plan Stella. Take your time, dont get burned and just enjoy what comes (or is that cums) your way.
> 
> Is the house behaving better now?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


as in the furnace and such? yes...I have a messy back yard to clean up...ew...dog crap land mines everywhere...ugh...

this house is gonna be some high maintenance... 

so pissed they didn't show today...next mediation is with the court appt. lady...next thursday the 11th...it's clear I won't be getting any money.. found out he is getting unemployment though... yay.. and yet the plant hasn't 'fired' him yet...he's just on admin hold...

ye gawd if they let him back in there he will 'retaliate' against me to all beats hell.. this will be made clear... I need him 'gone' to feel safe...I think they are waiting to see what happens at the OFP appeal (??) or making like they are?? ...whenever that is... even if it's lifted...I can't see them letting mr. violence back in...why not just terminate him then and be done with it? I will be checking into this...eventually... I will be talking to someone from the company...I'm not going to sit back and let it happen....nor do I even think the appeal will be lifted anyway...but just...being the devils advocate...

anyway...yea...house is good  ...it's humble...it needs me... 

I have so many decisions to make though you guys... so many...

right now...I decided red or white wine...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Good on you.

Definitely speak to HR or someone about him coming back. Maybe even seek advice elsewhere on if him coming back in the same location would effectively be constructive dismissal towards you?

Like you say they are probably covering themselves by waiting for the appeal but you don't do any harm by finding out.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Good on you.
> 
> Definitely speak to HR or someone about him coming back. Maybe even seek advice elsewhere on if him coming back in the same location would effectively be constructive dismissal towards you?
> 
> Like you say they are probably covering themselves by waiting for the appeal but you don't do any harm by finding out.


HR has no info...gotta go above them..I know where I gotta go..I'll figure it out... In due time...


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Give em Hell, Stella.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> But I don't have a 'love'...
> 
> so....so be it... so I'mma luv a couple of 'em for now... and just try and get through another six months...


Appears we're using the same playbook, Stel
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You sound like you're doing really well. At six months out, you'll still have emotional roller coaster moments, if course. Just hang in there. Take it easy and take care if your happiness in the ways you can, regardless of what might have been.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Test! 
Been trying to post! Time out messages occurring and wiping out my posts! Makes me want to throw something! (I'd say punch something but don't need the lecture about bein' all violent n shxt!) 
I'm pissed!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well your post worked this time.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

ok..

I got the go ahead to sell the stuff in storage (tools etc) because i'm behind in my mortgage..(something that has 'never' ever happened to me)..and my atty. as written three letters and set up two mediations..one they canceled the other was a no show...because it was 'forgotten'...so...I have three guys coming to the shed this friday to take a look see...and what they don't want..if anything the pawn shop might want I'm going to try for that. I called the pawn shop and I'm not sure they will be able to help me much but i'm hoping these guys will need some stuff. I've got to do this by this weekend. Next mediation is set up for this next thursday the 11th...so what will be done is done and 'that's what I need 'done'...

You have nooooo idea how pissed stbxh is going to be...his biggest fear was that I would sell his stuff...but now the need to live is affected and under the divorce paper work 'the need to live' applies here so now I can do this...behind in mortgage...hm....well...i'm doing it. They can take it off his part of whatever he will owe me...i don't care...but you have any idea what it's going to take to replace that stuff? o....m...g.... (if this works out) ... 

I don't know if it will... I have no idea...but i'm going to give it my best shot... sell what I can... 'if' this works out...you have 'any idea'...how pissssed off this will make him? He won't even be able to express it to me...yell at me...or anything...his fxking heart and stomach will sink...he will be enranged and he won't even be able TO SAY A DAMN THING TO ME! HAHAHAAA! he will be going back to his mommy and daddys where they will ALL be pissed...and no one will be able to do a damn thing about it... 
it was one thing had he helped financially...but you see 'he owes me' owes debt...and now I must do what I must do to 'pay that debt'...I mean...I lost the 55' visio flat screen he wanted to fix my vehicle...well...had he been doing his part...so now...no tv... and now...no tools...etc....


it's on. once again...it's on...and i'm taking control of 'this' as well as I did the last... watch me. 
I'm going to fxck this sh!it up and down...even if I have to sell something for 5 bucks...i'm selling it...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

o...m...g...

turns me on just thinking about selling his crap.....

luv' it!:FIREdevil::FIREdevil:


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You should try to get an idea what some of the stuff is worth Stella so you don't get low-balled.Some manufacturers make better quality so maybe check out some used goods sites online.Hope you get top dollar!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

gonna have a friend with me thats savvy...he's going to assist me...also my mechanic will be there...
I just hope this stuff is needed/wanted...


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Good and I'm sure you'll find some buyers.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I'm sorry to laugh during your problems Stella, but damn, you have a way of portraying things that makes it impossible not to. :smthumbup:

Go take some stress out on a poor unsuspecting young'un! :rofl:

Did you check with atty that your not going to get legal blowback from man of the year for selling it? Eta.. You said you got go ahead, so guess that's not a problem.

Ahh, ain't karma a biatch!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

yep...I got the 'go ahead'... KC... so I'm doing it...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

poor unsuspecting youngin my [email protected]@... those two don't stop blowing up my cell... they're crazy.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Aww you blew their minds.

Red flags already?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Nothing I can't handle


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

See, cleaning out that garage was such a good idea. And of course putting his things in storage. 

As I recall it was the first step you did to start to get control of your life.

A girl has got to do what a girl has to do :rofl:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Yea...that was tough for me wasn't it ele? It was the smartest thing I did...I just really hope I can pull this off...and can sell some of this stuff...it would make my damn day... 

Things can still be tough for me on the inside...but having this permanent 180 (OFP) was thee best thing I ever did for myself...I wiped him out of my life...he's not anywhere in sight...and now I'm learning to preoccupy my time in other ways...trying to get my 'old self' back...sort of pissed at myself for wasting the last three years of my life. But it is what it is yanno...I'm where I'm at...I may be 47 but I'm not dead. I feel great and I look great...and I'm going with that...again, I do have my dark moments...I get angry...sad...but I utilize it in different manners...manners that suit me. > 

My son wants to move in at the end of the month...ugh! Good idea...bad idea...both. I told him he needs to come over and we need to talk...set some boundries and he needs to realize that i'm not living my life as 'martha stewart'... so... he and i need to talk... and we need to talk about 'rent'...etc... etc.... 

It's going to be weird to have someone around...my son?? LMAO!! 

this outta be good... at this time in my life??? LMAO! Now??? 

He's a pretty kewl kid...he's 21..22 in june.. tall 6'6...he's a handsome guy...one of those...'girls all over him' kind of guys...just handsome as heck...nice guy...hard worker...good work ethic...but he'd better help me around the lake house...I worry about that part... he's not a 'handy man'... 
yea...all I need...a bunch of 'my sons friends'...hanging around this summer...
omg... 

*I should keep the boat huh?... *hehe..


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It might be a very good thing to have your son around for a while. Hope that works out. 

My 24 yr old son still lives here. He has one side of the house, I have the other. Kitchen, living room and dining rooms are in the middle. So it's almost like there are two apartments with common rooms shared. 

He's still in school so I pay all the bills. It's nice having him here. I know it won't be forever.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

my lake house is small...less than a 1000 sq ft...ha! 

I will figure it out...I always do...plan carefully and get stbxh crap out.. anxious now....but i'm looking forward to it...and I love to cook...so that will be neat.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stel, he can learn to be handy - just like you're doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Put him to good use in the yard while you get to know his friends. :smthumbup:


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

OMG...just caught up with your thread....I worship you....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Hey guys...

Sold some shxt today....didn't make the entire mortgage....but not done sellin yet either...

His most 'prized' stuff.....'gone' ....like him...

Was thinking of putting some of it out on the ice...and selling tickets as to the dates of what will fall through when...with the rest of his stuff...
Any thoughts? :FIREdevil::FIREdevil:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

zillard said:


> Put him to good use in the yard while you get to know his friends. :smthumbup:


Doggy do clean up


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Stel, he can learn to be handy - just like you're doing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will be bringing exactly this up when he comes and talks on Sunday...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

familyfirst09 said:


> OMG...just caught up with your thread....I worship you....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pppffftt....girl paleese...there's nothing I'm doing you can't do yourself woman


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Was thinking of putting some of it out on the ice...and selling tickets as to the dates of what will fall through when...with the rest of his stuff...
> Any thoughts? :FIREdevil::FIREdevil:


:rofl::rofl:Geez Stella where do you come up with this stuff...too funny!!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Hey guys...
> 
> Sold some shxt today....didn't make the entire mortgage....but not done sellin yet either...
> 
> ...


advertise the tickets on Craigslist. You might just be able to sell a lot. The winner gets cash... a certain % of the tickets you sell. STBX might just hear about the auction and go nuts. :rofl:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

TBT said:


> :rofl::rofl:Geez Stella where do you come up with this stuff...too funny!!


I dunno..*giggle...took my life back.. 


I have decided tonight...(friday night) I am remaining 'lovah' free and am out for a margarita...reflecting on my latest accomplishments... they may not be the 'biggest' things...but they are big to me. 
I don't like being 'vindictive'...but I like 'taking fairness'...and that's what I feel i did today... 'took fairness'...and I'm not done yet. 
I have been emotionally, physically, psychologically abandoned...and that's a lot to deal with by myself. Well, since I'm left with all this 'baggage' I will sort it out and deal with it as 'i see fit'...after all...what is anyone going to do about it? 

Nothing...not a fxking thing. I am not going to stay in a well of despair and pain...we 'can choose'... to get out..is it easy? Oh hella no! Who ever said 'anything' is easy? It's a matter of 'taking control' back... no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them...is this not true? Don't let your stbx's 'own you' ...did that not happen enough during your marriage? During your break up? 

Screw this shxt... friggin helter skelter...'take back your life'...the way out of it.. What I am doing is great therapy.. what's going to kill me the most is 'not' being a fly on the wall when he sees the storage shed... when he smells the doe piss when he smells the 'hint' of doe piss on the rest of it..not to mention the doe piss he will smell in his CPAP machine... 

Vengeance? $35,169.42 I will never see...and ruined credit...emotional damages...etc.... "I" will determine here what my damages are thank you...*evil grin... "I" will decide what "I" can do for retribution...'legal'...of course...and no one said it was going to be pretty...but what he did wasn't pretty either was it? Neither is the pin and wire in my wrist when he broke it... 

He will never see $23.86 again... oh well...he will be struggling forever to buy allll that sold shxt....gone... 
no bed...no 55'' visio..... nothing... 

Why? because I 'chose'...not to sit back and rug sweep and not take your shxt anymore...as a matter of fact...the bills still incurred...you will be held liable for... back to the $35 grand..which will follow you around til you die...no house...no new cars etc... nothing...for the future for you or your next victim...because until/unless you pay me....you can offer no one nothing... ever. You will no longer ever get another credit card even... 

Your are 40yrs old...'having' to live with mommy and daddy well you always ran to them...now they have you...touche'! muthafka! ...and lying on your dating sites...Mrgoodtime (you say your 35...your 40...you say you have a motorcycle and a snowmobile..um you don't) ...your unemployment will run out...and your child support just went up btw...*hehe...you wouldn't know this yet though...haha... so another $759 a month you will owe... wow... how will you ever afford your hair gel? 

...aaaand were back to 'my bed' you want? My $5000 bed... I'm getting banged like a screen door in a hurricane in it... really? Your not going to get my 'work bench'.... 

go crawl back under the rock....where i...just...put... you. 

Surprise surprise.... you never thought...I'd be brave enough to take back my life... 

you don't know me.... :FIREdevil:


....but by the end of this divorce...your going to regret you did... issed:


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Margaritas are working, I see
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

only had two sips... lol... 

I think the 'sales'... is what was working... heh...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> advertise the tickets on Craigslist. You might just be able to sell a lot. The winner gets cash... a certain % of the tickets you sell. STBX might just hear about the auction and go nuts. :rofl:


...I'm actually 'that' crazy... as of late...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I'd buy a ticket!

I know you have cause to be angry but what blows me away I how well you channel it.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

sold more stuff today... holy hannah...

going back to storage...and back to the pawn shop tomorrow for one more trip...and then one more guy to look at stuff and that will be it... 

cleaned out...in a sense that...the stuff that was big...expensive...spendy to replace...gone...omg...success...

did I get the money I needed no... but it's more than what I had...but I sure shxt would like a web cam and a var set up in that storage shed when he opens it...or close by when he finds out whats happened...

gone...like him...even his snowmobile helmet... bench grinder...HVAC tanks and power tools...ladders...CD's..air compressor..car ramps...gone..tool boxes... his brand new ice auger.. .all of it... gone. Tomorrow...table saws...myter saw...all of it...heaters...shop vac...will be gone... cleaned the fk out... and more than half my mortg. will be caught up... yeap...

his worst nightmare just came true... dam thats gonna hurt...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

...lol...

found the CD to the ice auger....haha...

I'll put that in storage for him...where the ice auger no longer is... *hehe...


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

I reckon your jumping out of the pan and back into the exact same fire Stella.
Ex was younger and he got bored and lost interest , that's what was going on with him.
It's hard enough staying on the straight and narrow with all the temptation out there for a guy at the best of times believe me.
Dunno about you but I sure as hell don't wanna be back here at TAM in another 10 yrs time.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Everyone does it their own way at their own pace. I don't think Stella is hunting for a LTR?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> I reckon your jumping out of the pan and back into the exact same fire Stella.
> Ex was younger and he got bored and lost interest , that's what was going on with him.
> It's hard enough staying on the straight and narrow with all the temptation out there for a guy at the best of times believe me.
> Dunno about you but I sure as hell don't wanna be back here at TAM in another 10 yrs time.


I'm not 'jumping into anything' whitehawk...pretty positive your not reading my posts very clearly...at all...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Everyone does it their own way at their own pace. I don't think Stella is hunting for a LTR?


 fxcchhkkkk noooo....... 

NOPE!! 

...and ruin this perrrrfectly good coupla 'things' I got goin' on? 

fffftttt.... eh no.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> I'm not 'jumping into anything' whitehawk...pretty positive your not reading my posts very clearly...at all...


Jumping on things is quite a bit different than jumping into them.


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Jumping on things is quite a bit different than jumping into them.


And for the second time tonight... Eeeeewwwwwww.

Gotta admit it is funny tho.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Is happily be jumped upon. But not in. We have already covered that in the other thread!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Jumping on things is quite a bit different than jumping into them.


How do you multi quote cos hitting the multi quote button doesn't work :scratchhead:

So add KC's ...as well....



.....awesome choice of words fellas...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Usually works ok for me.

If it got me jumped I wouldn't even object to being labelled a "thing"!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Jumping on things is quite a bit different than jumping into them.





K.C. said:


> Usually works ok for me.
> 
> If it got me jumped I wouldn't even object to being labelled a "thing"!


Did I label them as things? ...meant play things


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ok 'now' it double quoted...wtf....no idea.....
HA!


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> How do you multi quote cos hitting the multi quote button doesn't work :scratchhead:


Select 'Multi' for all the posts you want to quote and on the last one select 'Multi' and then 'Quote'.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Stella, post #498..... 

really say what's on your mind next time LOL

glad to see you are doing great!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> Stella, post #498.....
> 
> really say what's on your mind next time LOL
> 
> glad to see you are doing great!!


post 498??

am I supposed to go find that or something? what the heck??? :scratchhead: what did it say? 


I'm actually a bit sad today...having a not so strong day..tomorrow early is 'mediation'...I guess we will of course be in separate rooms of course...being the OFP is in place which i'm grateful for...i don't want to 'see' him or 'hear' him...I fear so much being triggered...I don't want to regress....I been a bit down lately...getting to the 'end' of stuff...hitting me again... ugh...
i want to stay angry...mean...tough...armed...with a bat...and a vice grips...I just...want to stay armed...strong...in control...I don't want to get emotional...or cry...or...'feel'...don't let me 'feel'...I need to stay on top of my game...this game...the game...I need to 'own it''' 'own this... 
my bed...it's 'my' bed..no you can't have it...nor will you be gettig the no longer existing 55' visio...
he owes ME money...I want it... period. 

he's a fxcking running rat basrsrd that treated me realllly bad...and walked out refusing to even man up financially...running to his parents...that's all this is... 
I told the truth...I 'exposed' him for the violent psychopath he is.. .he lost his job... and now he lost his most prized possessions in storage (only he doesn't know it...yet)....

..He controlled the marriage...

I'm controlling the divorce...

ok....I got this.... :smthumbup:




:scratchhead: right?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I dunno..*giggle...took my life back..
> 
> 
> I have decided tonight...(friday night) I am remaining 'lovah' free and am out for a margarita...reflecting on my latest accomplishments... they may not be the 'biggest' things...but they are big to me.
> ...



OH! I got it now!! GOTCHA! 

PERFECT! ...And perfect timing to even reread this also I may add... thank you chuck!!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I do hope you are in diff rooms tomorrow. What has your attorney said out this?

Of course you are having a bad day as you are not looking forward to the meeting tomorrow. Maybe he will just not show again and the court will just give you everything you asked for. One can hope


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

"winning"...
when you get to the point of being indifferent about whether the ex is around or not.


.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> "winning"...
> when you get to the point of being indifferent about whether the ex is around or not.
> 
> 
> .


or if he gets his d!ck caught in his zipper or hit by a Mack truck...

which ever...


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Today is just another day, except it will smell of sh!t when he's near. Great thing about that, you can always plug your nose!

You'll do great.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

the first time I saw my ex and felt nothing.....completely nothing.....the healing began. But I am not close to sending 'the final epilogue' yet


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> ..He controlled the marriage...
> 
> I'm controlling the divorce...
> 
> ok....I got this.... :smthumbup:


You and me both, babe. I'm right there with you.

Rock on.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Snow stem hit. Mediator lady canceled it...but stbxh was asked to come and continue anyway....

He refused. Again. Wow...for someone that wanted the divorce so bad...now I want it over he drags his heels..only because this involves money...and he's pissed...

Fxcker


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

News just in.

Stella's stbx in "being a massive bellend" revelation!

Now you want it done, its the only control he has left to grasp after.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Sounds like you have spare time to hit that gym!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

06Daddio08 said:


> Sounds like you have spare time to hit that gym!


daddio makes an excellent point, Stel.

You've been saying that you want to start back...here's a perfect opportunity.

No excuses - just do it.

.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

...margarita first...

then I need some 'bat' time.... 

I'm so fueled with rage right now... I need to fxck some **** up...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Vent away Stella.

If you want to chat or need any more British insults explainig, you know where I am.


----------



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Vent away Stella.
> 
> If you want to chat or need any more British insults explainig, you know where I am.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Vent away Stella.
> 
> If you want to chat or need any more British insults explainig, you know where I am.


Hey miss Stella! Im all caught up on ur thread, and i.must say....YOU GO GIRL!! Not only are you.standing up for yourself and fighting for what you rightfully deserve uve also became.quite the cougar!! Lol.;-) Im glad to.see ur in better spirrits,albeit ur last post (full of rage) hope you.were able to.cheer up!! Your STBXH is really.a lying,coniving egotistical [email protected]$tard! Who does he think he is? Loser! So glad ur moving forward, chin up love, ive missed you and uve got this! Ur the boss!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Mammmma! 

I like seeing you around! ;') 

Ooh as much as I'm trying I have my moments ....

*wait...Alice and Chains....Man in the Box...cranking....the music...LOUD....HEAD-BANGING...this is a must right now...louder...louder still....

Aaahhhh yes....that was simply orgasmic....or damn close...
(Careful Stella your at work) 
Ok...

I have my moments...I did a rant on fb about that ****tard not coming to yet a third mediation...I've been having a lot of anger lately..mixed with happiness (no not bipolar just mixed the last couple days) meaning...I'm 'ok' I'm still moving forward but angry right now.

I blew off both lovers these last two days off...got a chewing out thurs. night...and woke up to the other on my cell Friday afternoon..."you had two days off and you didn't see me blah blah blah" 
It was insane. Be careful wtf you wish for...I've been so busy and at the end of the day exhausted...12hr night shifts...
Ya I got excuses...I need to get a jag on...and dance in my living room...or/and I need to be out on a dance floor...and be on it for hours and sweat...wet dripping sweat from hard core dancing....and get this built up shxt out. 

I feel pent up I feel like my body is going to blow up....I do need the gym...I know this been saying for months..I aaaaalmost went today...fell back asleep figured I needed it more...(always...I love sleep)...weird but it just doesn't seem like it will be enough...I dunno..
I need to dance...the music here in the cities mostly suck now days...not my gig...need 'my music'...there 'is' a place that does play soma my stuff...I will have to figure this out...I could get marshmallow to take me....as a matter of fact he's there now...

Aaaand I'm at work...
Been doing great at work....outgoing...ambitious...happy...people like being around me...good feeling...

Stupid city came by my back road and plowed...they nailed my mailbox...sucker flew off into the ditch...and since it wasn't on a certain certified wtf ever type pole...'I' will be paying them to replace it...nice. Whateva...not until the frost thaws to they tied the damn thing to a tree...niiiiice....omg...lol. Old man next door mailbox on same pole...he has limited income but I got his back...gonna go get us a coupla nicer boxes ....menards run...

Wow I typed a novel...that happens....


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Sleep is as seductive as other bed based things at times.

I think next time you have the choice you NEED to be up and working that aggression out of you system.

Gym, run, whatever. Get it out. You are entitled to be angry with "Mr.35" but getting it out would be better for you. He isn't worth half the emotion or time thinking about he gets at.

Damn the day you are 100% free of him and never have to communicate even through a 3rd party better be a party day!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm so frustrated that it 'still gets to me'... or he does...and he's not around...yet...he won't come discuss settlement...he 'has' to have a mediator? 
yanno he has to pay her $300 and whatever amount hrly after that......and I $100 and whatever amount hrly after that......we don't if we don't use her...and yet when there's a chance at that...he's refused...

so he has $300 in his pocket..?? must be nice... using mommy and daddys money and controlling things... so we have to pay our attys AND the mediator... yea...niiiice...fxker... 

whatever...his crap will run out... hes a 40yr old pauper...and I made him that nonetheless... 

wait til he can't control anything of me anymore....and he gets to that storage shed...mommy and daddy will be paying a lot more...than he thinks... it will be an ez moving day for him... he has no idea...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

That's fine Stella but what about you hon?
Your posts suggest focus has slipped from yourself and you are the one that is worthy of you own time and energy, not him.

Are you posts indicitive of that or are they rants to just blow off some of the steam?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> That's fine Stella but what about you hon?
> Your posts suggest focus has slipped from yourself and you are the one that is worthy of you own time and energy, not him.
> 
> Are you posts indicitive of that or are they rants to just blow off some of the steam?


Blow off steam with a bit of what you said


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Blow off steam with a bit of what you said


I'm thinkin you've been blowing off steam in a productive way (hopefully not "re"productive, lolz ).

It works for me.

Add the gym 3-4 days/week = happy OT.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Blow off steam with a bit of what you said


I tried to resist but, when you coming to the UK then?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Bad To The Bone..George Thoroughgood... 

Not sure if I even spelled that right ...but cranking it...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> That's fine Stella but what about you hon?
> Your posts suggest focus has slipped from yourself and you are the one that is worthy of you own time and energy, not him.
> 
> Are you posts indicitive of that or are they rants to just blow off some of the steam?


What I meant was I'm venting blowing off steam and some of what you said KC...focus has slipped from myself. That's what I'm talking about.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> What I meant was I'm venting blowing off steam and some of what you said KC...focus has slipped from myself. That's what I'm talking about.


Happens from time to time. Everyone goes through it.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I recognize it but having a problem channeling it..I think. Feeling like I Need to release and explode ...but having to be here at work..then home sleep and back....time off ...'time' taken up having to get crap done....ugh! I don't have 'time'... 

This pent up feeling...I just want to go be crazy or act crazy...dance in the rain...there's no rain...I want to take my bat and go to his parents house...play LOUD @zz music...deafening....and take my bat and smash allllll those huge Beautiful windows...give me a half hour with a bat and that house...loud music...yes it's a fantasy...got that but you have any idea how therapeutic something like that would be? Just to release all the anger and pain and not hear anything or even my own scream because the music is so loud...and some of it would be in slow motion...his truck included....just smash shxt...frickin Kid Rock blaring so loud nothing else...nothing could be heard...and there would be a force field....they could only watch me in bewilderment....not be able to stop me. Or get to me....and I would ruin their half a mil home...with my energy ...sweat...and a bat... I would fxck up their precious cars and all...just go tazzmainian devil spin on their @zz...

When I was done I would wipe the sweat and dirt from my brow...flip them and the cops off...and walk away with my bat. 

This is the energy and anger I feel right now.....it's this great. 

Clearly...I don't get to do this...which is a bummer...because if I could...
I think we have all had our fantasies of anger and revenge...I just put into words what would indeed help me release...it's a mental and physical thing clearly...I'm just that fxcking pissed off. 

These people robbed me. These people destroyed me. (I don't want to hear how they didn't etc....you know what I mean....) I'm being expressive here....

It would just be so cool....to take a field trip with my bat...and a kid rock cd...and the loudest speakers imaginable....and let lose some pent up energy....is this so much to ask? :FIREdevil:


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Maybe you need to 'make time'?

How much time do you spend feeling really angry compared to just feeling like yourself?


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> You and me both, babe. I'm right there with you.
> 
> Rock on.
> 
> :smthumbup:


Me to, but how come Im not feeling as confident about it.:scratchhead:


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I have my moments...I did a rant on fb about that ****tard not coming to yet a third mediation...I've been having a lot of anger lately..mixed with happiness (no not bipolar just mixed the last couple days) meaning...I'm 'ok' I'm still moving forward but angry right now. I think thats what I get the most about you, your trying so hard to move on and then bam an emotional grandade goes off. Its so hard....... You have reason to be angrey, reason to be hurt and you deserve to be loved. I hate the emotional rollercoster that these jerks have taken us on. Our only real freedon is not letting them have any control over our emotions any more, Im not there yet but hopefully its down the road soon for you and I.
> 
> I blew off both lovers these last two days off...got a chewing out thurs. night...and woke up to the other on my cell Friday afternoon..."you had two days off and you didn't see me blah blah blah"
> 
> ...


We actually have been sno free for a coule of weeks now... yippee!!!
Im glad someone other than me has a big mouth or should I say busy fingers on this site...

Stella, I think your doing great and your an insperation in a lot of ways so keep it up...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Soooo....who was the beneficiary of the angry grudge-fvck last night?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Soooo....who was the beneficiary of the angry grudge-fvck last night?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not grudge fxcking anyone...have you been even reading my posts? 
W...t.f!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Maybe you need to 'make time'?
> 
> How much time do you spend feeling really angry compared to just feeling like yourself?


 

That's just it...the 'make time' thing...maybe I'm going through this as a 'hit rock bottom' type thing while there is simply nothing left for me to do but go...I was such a gym buff b4 all this...crap!!!

I associate it with him. It's like the last fn thing. It's 'his' thing. It was ' our' thing. He goes. Etc..blah blah...and yes it's only hurting myself...I know this...haha...

My mind is dwelling on it...consumed....my body is pent up and wanting to fxcking blow....it's only logical...it's not like I can go somewhere and be postal with a bat or anything..lol

KC,
I was sooo strong physically b4 he left..I looked great....mentally drained but my focus at the gym was surreal...weird huh? At that time toward the end he quit going and gained weight...but I went and he resented me for it...so I thrived...lol...

It's like mental block...physical block ...or just a block...excuses that are no excuses. This used to be so important to me. 

I am lean...if I went hard I could be looking good ( my kind of good) in 3 weeks if not less... And mentally...out of this slump and in total control...

*'Total*' *......control. * _....and there it is.._


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

You looked at the workout thread in social? Some good stuff in there that wouldn't even require going to the gym. Couple of the poters in that thread seem to really knwo their stuff inside out.

If the gym is a 'bad place' for you right now, avoid it but it doesnt mean avoiding getting in the shape you want to be in.

My excuse for not working out is just laziness. I need an "other sex" motivation for that.

I am quite comfortable in my body as it is but i have a build that could be bulked up really well. Think Rugby Centre or Football (ugh hate calling it that but seeing as you're a foreigner) Running Back.

I'm just too lazy to do it for me unless there are women to attract!


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

K.C. said:


> You looked at the workout thread in social? Some good stuff in there that wouldn't even require going to the gym. Couple of the poters in that thread seem to really knwo their stuff inside out.
> 
> If the gym is a 'bad place' for you right now, avoid it but it doesnt mean avoiding getting in the shape you want to be in.
> 
> ...


Yet, you won't attract a woman who appreciates it unless you do it pre-woman.

Also, it should have nothing to do with woman and everything to do with you. I've been telling you for quite a while now, start working out to help sooth that Autobahn mind of yours.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Haha, I know.

Its just physical appearance isn't a big deal for me, so long as I dont get too tubby, but i am aware of the benefits in that sense.

Tbh, the benefit to my mental calmness is a much bigger motivation and enticement for getting into gear right now.

I did start and it felt good a while back but when the doc upped my dose of happy pills I couldn't motivate. Now I am back on lower hopefully I can kick my ass back into gear.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> That's just it...the 'make time' thing...maybe I'm going through this as a 'hit rock bottom' type thing while there is simply nothing left for me to do but go...I was such a gym buff b4 all this...crap!!!
> 
> I associate it with him. It's like the last fn thing. It's 'his' thing. It was ' our' thing. He goes. Etc..blah blah...and yes it's only hurting myself...I know this...haha...
> 
> ...


LR. When I was younger (a kid) I used to play soccer every year (yeah yeah, football for you Euros!) and when I hit the early / mid teens I stopped and started putting on weight. By the time I was 18, I was about 240 lbs. When I turned 19 a friend of my buddy Z talked us into hitting the gym and I fell in love with it, couldn't have asked for a better gym trainer. He never cared how much he lifted, it was always a focus on form and breathing but when he went up in weight, he took it as a sign of progression.

Well, In 2 years I went from 240 lbs to 195 lbs, abs and all. Played on 3 rec ball hockey teams that kept my cardio up top notch. When I met my ex, like a young idiotic kid, I started hanging out with her instead of going to the gym. From that point on I gradually started putting on weight and ended up 295 lbs. 

At times I tried going back, but like you, faced a lot of resentment. Not because of my progression, but because I was "able to get out of the house" while my ex "was always stuck at home with the kids". She even used to say things like, "at least you get to go to work and get out, you get a break."

Resentment to the moon and back. I never wanted to do anything, even go out with friends. At one point I was actually trying to seriously get back into it, plus improve my work attendance. I would get up at 4am and be at work for 5am and put in 10 hours. Get off work at 3:30pm, go home to see the kids and give the ex some time and then go to the gym at 5 with my buddy Z. Now, I wouldn't even go long, a hour, maybe hour and a half.

I still got flack for it. A lose / lose situation.

It's time to take all that knowledge you have, when it comes to the gym and turn it's focus on you. Detach the negativity to it. I too had to do the exact same thing, I remember going for the first month or so and triggering hard. Isn't it crazy? The 'guilty' feeling you can get .. for going to the gym? One time I spent almost 2 hours there and had a mini internal freakout, yet, the kids were with her and no one was waiting for me. I had all the time in the world.

I enjoy the personal challenge the gym provides, the same for the yoga I do now. Focusing on my breathing, making sure my form is good. I typically don't say anything to anyone when I work out, music in and stick to myself but today I couldn't help it. Two younger guys were attempting Barbell Bend-Over Rows and had serious arc in there back. I asked them if they would like a pointer to help prevent injuring themselves and they said yes. So I showed them how to do it properly. "Oh wow, it doesn't hurt nearly as much now" one guy said .. ha.

Last night I was invited to several things, one was a social and the other was a birthday dinner. They both started at 7:30, not only did I have my kids who would still be awake, but I had yoga to do as well. So I declined on both and then found out a hour later that there was another gathering at a Pub downtown. So, I let the kids stay up until 9 and started doing my yoga a little before then. 50 minute video, busted nut, showered, dressed up and headed out.

On the walk over to the Pub from my car, another bud of mine (not too too close with him) got out of his car and said "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight". This is the same guy who told me 2 years ago, "Wow, you've gotten fat". I laughed when he said it and replied, "Better look that way, I just did 50 minutes of yoga before coming here".

Got some good compliments on my new cloths as well, lol. I don't go seeking it, but it's nice to hear the positive comments. 

So, dig deep and get back into it. I know you want to, so quit punishing yourself!


----------



## arked (Mar 2, 2013)

Stella I wish could express myself in writing half as well as you. I am into this divorce thing for only four months so I know a little about frustration. I do believe writing is your way of releasing your demons. Keep writing I believe writing will heal your soul. You seem to be a strong person I know things will go well for you.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

arked said:


> Stella I wish could express myself in writing half as well as you. I am into this divorce thing for only four months so I know a little about frustration. I do believe writing is your way of releasing your demons. Keep writing I believe writing will heal your soul. You seem to be a strong person I know things will go well for you.


Thank you for noticing and saying this :') I don't exactly have one of those threads or lives that 'pops'...I do like to write and do feel the need to express myself and type when I do...and give when and where I can for what it's worth. 

Thank you for saying this.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> We actually have been sno free for a coule of weeks now... yippee!!!
> *Im glad someone other than me has a big mouth* or should I say busy fingers on this site...
> 
> Stella, I think your doing great and your an insperation in a lot of ways so keep it up...


Thanks sooo mucH! 

My place is 'very' 'very' small...not much of a workout space...um...at all...hardly room to crazy dance! ahaaaa! 

The gym is indeed my best bet and I did do my best work there.. 

yea.. I'm pretty expresive huh? *hehe... I realize this...I am who I am... No point in sugar coating things on here... the only place I'm good at holding my tongue is on the job...and there's times I have to bite it...but I do well... funny though..haha...I have to get paid too! lmao! 

I'm a work in progress... we all are yanno... I'm so proud of so many on here...  my inspiration has indeed come from many of you...as i've said...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Your thread pops plenty for me Stella. I just have to reign in being an internet stalker with ya! 

I still think you are awesome and just question the odd thing as you have done amazingly and would hate to see you lose focus on the most important person in all this.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

06Daddio08 said:


> LR. When I was younger (a kid) I used to play soccer every year (yeah yeah, football for you Euros!) and when I hit the early / mid teens I stopped and started putting on weight. By the time I was 18, I was about 240 lbs. When I turned 19 a friend of my buddy Z talked us into hitting the gym and I fell in love with it, couldn't have asked for a better gym trainer. He never cared how much he lifted, it was always a focus on form and breathing but when he went up in weight, he took it as a sign of progression.
> 
> Well, In 2 years I went from 240 lbs to 195 lbs, abs and all. Played on 3 rec ball hockey teams that kept my cardio up top notch. When I met my ex, like a young idiotic kid, I started hanging out with her instead of going to the gym. From that point on I gradually started putting on weight and ended up 295 lbs.
> 
> ...


I know... I know.....


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I know... I know.....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Tonight...just so...on the verge of tears...
Sadness....sorrow...I ache inside my heart...it's swollen and heavy...

Someone said they talked to someone who seen him..pppffft yea at the gym (the one he goes too not mine) and she started describing him....what the other person said who seen him....
I just wanted to scream WHAT YOU JUST STFU AND STOP! GAWD DAM WTF DO I NEED THIS??? 

gawd just go pound sand...from now on my hand goes up... My response is "don't want to hear it don't want to know don't care" just not what I needed as of late. 

Gawd where's my fxcking bat...._wtf!!!..._

Not having a good week here... I'm that boiling pot with the lid on it...

_I got to do something!_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

:gun::gun::gun:


:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:issed:issed::issed:issed::


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Amazing how dense some people can be. I second the idea of nicely telling them to just STFU about him.

Maybe now is a good time to work up a sweat. Work it till you don't have the energy to be angry.

Had much company this week?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

K.C. said:


> Amazing how dense some people can be. I second the idea of nicely telling them to just STFU about him.
> 
> Maybe now is a good time to work up a sweat. Work it till you don't have the energy to be angry.
> 
> Had much company this week?


None. 

Haven't wanted any. Longer than a week...


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Could this be part of the cause? by company I don't mean banging the shutter door type, just social interaction in general.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Eh..could be a little maybe...blew them off didn't want company. They chewed me out blah blah...

L28 wants to come over late tomorrow night. I haven't decided.
(I should) 

I'm supposed to have a date for beer tues. at 6. I haven't decided. (I should)

....sigh....

Hahahaa....


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Yep. I've been reading your posts. 

Joking around w you. 

Sorry if I offended. 

Take care. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hopefully this is you working through a stage that will end very soon. There will be down days but they should get to be fewer and fewer with time.

I agree about you telling people you just do not want to hear anything about him. That's the healthy way to handle it. Just stop anyone who starts talking about him... change the subject, tell them to stop and walk away if they cannot take the hint.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Yep. I've been reading your posts.
> 
> Joking around w you.
> 
> ...


We're good.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Hopefully this is you working through a stage that will end very soon. There will be down days but they should get to be fewer and fewer with time.
> 
> I agree about you telling people you just do not want to hear anything about him. That's the healthy way to handle it. Just stop anyone who starts talking about him... change the subject, tell them to stop and walk away if they cannot take the hint.


Maybe a stage huh? It needs to go away. It feels like it came out of nowhere...or maybe triggered from these mediation cancellations...or the knowing of the end around the corner...or the financial crap..
I had very few down days for so long there ele...then bam...'this' ...

I need to figure this out...and find a way...to let go..inside and out...


_very very soon..._


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Tonight...just so...on the verge of tears...
> Sadness....sorrow...I ache inside my heart...it's swollen and heavy...
> 
> Someone said they talked to someone who seen him..pppffft yea at the gym (the one he goes too not mine) and she started describing him....what the other person said who seen him....
> ...


I know exactly what your feeling though, I also had a bad weekend. But.......the bad is a different kind of bad then before, I didn’t spend it crying or despondent like I would have 4 or 5 months ago. I would be out having fun then go somewhere quiet and get very melancholy. Why isn’t he here with me?.. Oh yeh, I kicked him to the curb.. Why did I do that? Did I make a mistake? No.... I say... I had to but he's still a part of me... It’s like I cut off my arm and now I’m having phantom pains. 

I don’t want to be thinking of him of what he’s doing with her or what we did this time last year (or the last 35 years-to many memories). I don’t want to be missing him. I don’t want to be lonely when I’m in the midst of family and friends with a big smile on my face. Usually I’m not, but even just that one thought can start my mind spinning you out of control. 

So having someone come up and start talking to you about your x, I totally see how that can start you down a negative path and questioning your reactions and your feelings of frustration. 
For me I just have a hard time facing reality sometimes. I think this is all a bad dream, a nightmare and I’m still going to wake up. No my life was a lie.... He was deceitful, He has severe problems and I just helped sweep them under the rug, eventually the dirt and dust builds up to high and you trip over that stupid rug. I have to remind myself "you got rid of the rug" that’s good. Keep going...

When I said you’re an inspiration, it’s not because you have it all together and we can fallow your example on everything. It’s because you’re so passionate and prolific in your writing, we can see your battles, we can see your spirit, your fight, and you’re not being willing to give up despite those bleak days or weeks. Your writing actually breaks my heart sometimes because I can see the determination yet pain in your peaks and valleys. YOU’RE A FIGHTER….. And you will live to fight another day and you will win…


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Stells, this will happen from time to time. Hell, the creation of my current thread was 9 months into it all and look at all the crying I did.

Each time this happens, try to learn something from it.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Stella...Crying is healthy. I'm glad I can cry after 15+ years.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stella and DYRC2.

You are both amazing inspirations. Stronger than you maybe realise but that doesn't mean you have to be super human.

Just keep being super you.

(hugs)


----------



## arked (Mar 2, 2013)

Stella when you find a simple way to just let go from the POS folks we find ourselves involved with please write the book. I will be the first person to read it. It needs to be simple for folks like me.

It is amazing how stupid some people can be when it comes to other peoples feelings. I had an a$$hole make a joke about my STBXW at my fathers funeral. I had to walk away from this clown to keep from saying a lot more than I felt I needed to say. Some folks just need to have a sign around their necks that says STUPID. Have not not spoken to him since but I have a sign made just for him 

Grief does a lot to test the soul I can read a lot of grief into your writing. How are we not supposed to grieve the loss of someone we loved. The person I grieve for died in March now there is a POS person who looks like the person I knew and loved. As Stella said WTF

Stella write until you lose the grief
Stella write until you lose the anger
Stella write until you can laugh again 
Stella write until your soul is well


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Just kick me when I'm down...

My atty. told me the OFP appeal yadda yadda appellate court paper work came in today...his email said he won't be working it because I can't afford him or the firm..blah blah blah... 

Then I called him... and he's going to look at it more closely and I told him I will pay the filing fees upfront etc...and we can figure out payments blah blah... I don't him that if he abandons me now this will be all for nothing and he realizes this...'he' doesn't want to let me go and will see me through the divorce but this appeal is a whole different ball game...whole different court..and process... 
by the end of the conversation I still have hope.. 

also going in to talk to the PM tomorrow about the issue with stbxh and the job so we can be on the same page...I also called the access guy and gave my two cents there... 
I'm not going to give up now. No way....I've come this far...I'm going to keep fighting.. I have my freedom...this OFP gives me freedom and safety and I'm going to fight to keep it... I have a couple other things I can do as well and I will be doing them also...

I really like my atty. he's going to be reading the 'stuff' tonight and see what it is that we have to do...and see if I get good news tomorrow.. I hate this crap... just not doing well...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm really discouraged people..really down for a couple weeks now...
any encouraging words for me out there? Anything to help me keep going or bring me back? 

anything? anyone? anything?


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Reach down deep...very deep
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

argh, Sometimes I hate attorneys. He gets you into this and then when you have no more cash to take he tries to walk. Yea I know they have bills to be paid as well. But they also know the process and what it’s going to take. 

Your stbx probably assumes he can out spend you.


----------



## thisSux (Jan 8, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> I'm really discouraged people..really down for a couple weeks now...
> any encouraging words for me out there? Anything to help me keep going or bring me back?
> 
> anything? anyone? anything?


Even if you were to walk away from all this with no house, no job, no car etc.. someone who has your strength of character will come back better than before and achieve a better life. sometimes we have to venture into the places that scare us most to get to the place we need to be.

keep kicking Stella


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Just take deep breaths till atty gets back to you Stella.

You have proven that you are at core one for the strongest people around. You can get through this but try to avoid catastrophizing without the full picture. 

I get the costs will be a concern but remember, you had enough to get the order, him appealing doesn't mean he will be successful.

Glad you are looking into other options you have too.

See that is why you will get through this. You aren't just wallowing, you are doing. We are all rooting for you. Fingers crossed for you.

((hugs))


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Stella you're a fighter, don't ever forget that

patience.....things will unfold 

he may get a bit more $ from D than you thought

but he can never take those dancing shoes


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

For some reason that old christmas cartoon "Santa Claus is coming to town" came to my mind: where cris kringle sang to the bad guy (was it Snow Wizard?). So I looked the words up for you and I especailly love that last verse! You will get there.. just keep going...

Put One Foot in Front of the Other"

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn
You mean that it's just my election
To vote for a chance to be reborn


----------



## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

You can get through this----And You Will come out STRONGER!


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Stell, can you get into a flatfee arrangment with your attorney? That way you can keep your expenses from going out of control and keep your payment plan in line.
Don't know why but the standard fee for a divorce in my area is 30k . Its almost like the attorneys in my area have gotten together and decided this the price. I agree with the the other poster here often these divorce cases become a battle of the wills financially, in my case my ex thought she could spend me into the ground and thought I would give up -she didn't know I was on a flatfee arrangement.By the end of my case my attorney was whining about how much he could have charged me.
I seriously,seriously, doubt your OFP will be overturned appellant courts are often reluctant to make wholesale changes of a verdict.Moreover your ex has been convicted as a domestic abuser,they can argue the ongoing need for protection,but he has already been branded DOMESTIC ABUSER.
Reading back on your posts I don't think being in flings with other guys is really the best thing for you right now but that is just my opinion-just too risky-too many guys with bad issues and is it really helping you in anyway,albeit very temporarily?Doesn't sound like it.Emotional support is what you probably really need at this point-you need friends.
Being faraway and in a combat zone at one point in my life, I can tell you uncertainty is the biggest morale killer there is and I'm sure this what is causing you an abundance of grief-all the what ifs.
If there is anything your passionate about hobbys etc that feed your soul it will help get you through.I think without my hobbies I would be lost.Don't know what more I can offer other than things will get better for you just takes so much time meandering through the divorce process.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> Stell, can you get into a flatfee arrangment with your attorney? That way you can keep your expenses from going out of control and keep your payment plan in line.
> Don't know why but the standard fee for a divorce in my area is 30k . Its almost like the attorneys in my area have gotten together and decided this the price. I agree with the the other poster here often these divorce cases become a battle of the wills financially, in my case my ex thought she could spend me into the ground and thought I would give up -she didn't know I was on a flatfee arrangement.By the end of my case my attorney was whining about how much he could have charged me.
> I seriously,seriously, doubt your OFP will be overturned appellant courts are often reluctant to make wholesale changes of a verdict.Moreover your ex has been convicted as a domestic abuser,they can argue the ongoing need for protection,but he has already been branded DOMESTIC ABUSER.
> Reading back on your posts I don't think being in flings with other guys is really the best thing for you right now but that is just my opinion-just too risky-too many guys with bad issues and is it really helping you in anyway,albeit very temporarily?Doesn't sound like it.Emotional support is what you probably really need at this point-you need friends.
> ...


I get to keep my atty. and yes I am able to work something out.. As for emotional support...eh...well...where to get it? I think people are tapped out. And stbxh...has not been 'charged' and won't be. It's a long story...unlikely he will be...dubbed an abuser...yes...through the OFP and the affidavit supporting it yes...but as for charges...it's a different story...I cannot get into it here nor can I spell it all out right now... he won't be charged... unlikely they will stick (not because they didn't occur occurrence has been established (doc reports/blog/witnesses/kids/coworkers/) but rathe a timeline an other factors and money..)....being charged and being nailed for abuse is indeed different...weird huh? But true...is he found guilty for what he's done? Yes. Or I wouldn't have been granted the OFP. But for what 'charging' entails and timeline...statues...etc...not that easy right now...it's just not. 
Being in 'flings' not good? I digress...getting 'laid' is indeed 'good'... and it's about damn time... I have but two lovers and they serve a purpose. I'm keeping them. What ever they have going on in their lives has nothing to do with their agenda in my bedroom. 
Either way I have uncertainty in my life...either way it sucks for me right now...either way I have yet to work through this...'what ever the f it is'.... but I'm not giving up these two young hard bodies for no damn reason... no way... (input appreciated) ...but no way....they are as it stands....'my hobby'....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Everyone needs a hobby


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

That's positive at least.

Wish I had something more insightful or inspirational for you but all I really have is to tell you again I'm pulling for you. 

As to your hobby, you know your frame of mind. If you can do it that way, then go for it!


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Input on yer young studs 
I think you already know that your emotions are fvcked right now, hell who's aren't. I guess the question you should ask yourself is what are they doing for you emotionally? Sure it feels great when you're with them but whatabout afterwards? How do you feel? Do they understand their purpose for you? What happens if you get attached or one of them does? So maybe more questions to ask yourself than input 

Are you still on your dating site, maybe keep looking for a more meaningful relationship. Keep the boy toys by all means if they are helping you but keep moving forward as well. 

What happen with your son moving in to your home?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Everyone needs a hobby


Hobby, schmobby... This sounds more like "physical therapy". 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: wtf...*



Pbartender said:


> Hobby, schmobby... This sounds more like "physical therapy".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:beer:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

familyfirst09 said:


> Input on yer young studs
> I think you already know that your emotions are fvcked right now, hell who's aren't. I guess the question you should ask yourself is what are they doing for you emotionally? Sure it feels great when you're with them but whatabout afterwards? How do you feel? Do they understand their purpose for you? What happens if you get attached or one of them does? So maybe more questions to ask yourself than input
> 
> Are you still on your dating site, maybe keep looking for a more meaningful relationship. Keep the boy toys by all means if they are helping you but keep moving forward as well.
> ...


Oh yes...they know where they stand and what purpose they serve. How do I feel afterwards? > 'Relieved'...
Attatched? I like one more than the other...I like L30 more...he quit drinking...he's different than when I first met him...didn't expect this...but I like him yes...we did a movie and pizza night the other night...he has a young child however...I don't do children *anymore. Done with that. But ...I like him... going there tonight when child is asleep. Sober L30 is 'nice'... he's ....nice. But yet...still serves a purpose and neither of us has loss sight of that. 

L28...when he opens his arrogant mouth I want to duct tape it shut. We sex and argue about dumb shxt..political or what have you, he's also in law enforcement and hates it and wants out.blah blah...he's a fanatic and is the type of guy who loves hearing how 'wonderful he is...needs his ego fed. Those type of guys make me want to punch them in the mouth. When he talks....gawd....he just needs to stfu. He's a hotty though...again...serves a purpose nothing more. It would just be great if he was mute. 

I keep an open mind about dating...as a matter of fact went on one last week...no connection. I'm not looking real hard either though... yes on the site...mostly see a lot of old pigs/ serial killers...unless I bother to do a search... 

Son was over for a couple of nights for the snow storm....he still plans on moving in yes...I'm ok with that... he's a pretty kool kid... my 'ex ex'...my 10yr marriage...prior from stbxh...I guess is enggaged... I'm glad for him...he deserves happiness..  He really does.. 


But yea...my emotions are ****ed up no matter what right now... I'm going with the flow for the moment... 

Marshmellow been wanting to spend some time with me too... I liked him... fluffy guy...cute as hell... but we both busy tonight...otherwise small chance 'late' tonight we end up at the bar...so I can dance... need to dance... 

last night found out an 'aquaintance'/friend of mine...where i drink beer...threw himself infront of a train three nights ago...in my small town... wtf... 'w...t...f'.... I liked this guy.... didn't know he was hurting... I know exactly where he did it...I can see it in my head... ....he was a wonderful guy....27yrs... got drunk...where we drink....then went to the tracks...and stepped infront of it....then was air lifted to the hospital I worked at for 15ys.... w...t...f... 

I bet he felt no pain... I bet he felt no dam pain... fxuker... 

I need a lover tonight... L30. I need sanity...


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

So it sounds like you need to try and keep your wits about L30...he smells like trouble brewing. Screw the pizza and movie, that's dating, which is more than just serving a purpose. I wish I could get there but I know I would totally get sucked in emotionally still. 

So sorry about your friend. He was airlifted? Did he make it? I know...a train...how could anyone...but its happened by the grace of God for some.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 32yrsago (Apr 21, 2013)

Thank you Stella, for having the courage to do what I am going to strive for. FREEDOM of my soul.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

familyfirst09 said:


> So it sounds like you need to try and keep your wits about L30...he smells like trouble brewing. Screw the pizza and movie, that's dating, which is more than just serving a purpose. I wish I could get there but I know I would totally get sucked in emotionally still.
> 
> So sorry about your friend. He was airlifted? Did he make it? I know...a train...how could anyone...but its happened by the grace of God for some.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Air lifted yes...No he didn't make it.. he's dead. He was 27. 

The pizza was ordered in...movie was just on tv.. no we are not dating.. seriously...there's not even any affection between us...none. As in zero. We ate and watched tv that night. He fell asleep (He works outside all day ) I went home. lol... that was ok tho. Why would there be trouble brewing? I don't get it? We just ended up too tired for anything else.
Was over there last night..no one was tired. > 
If anything I'm cool with being his friend...and get his nakid on...becoming anything else is not an option. I just don't see it happening.. and I'm not into the young child thing...not going to happen.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

FWB is great so long as its mutual.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

32yrsago said:


> Thank you Stella, for having the courage to do what I am going to strive for. FREEDOM of my soul.


Who are you? Elaborate...

And 'no one'....but 'NO ONE'....can take your soul unless you let them...

...and if you feel it's already been taken....oh honey...there's ways to get it back.... _trust me..._


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

By the way TAMERS...

I'm back at the gym...

I worked out hard...it was difficult to be there...but I made the sweat happen...I kept visualizing stuff. I seen my friend throwing himself in front of the train...over and over again...and I seen my stbxh there...(in my head) working out...doing his thing...
this was really hard for me being there...it was rough...it triggered like you would not believe...at certain points I wanted to give up and walk out the door...but I didn't...I just moved harder...my eyes swelled up...the corners were wet...good thing I was sweating already...not like anyone could see...I made myself physically 'hurt'...made my muscles 'feel'...and made my body exhaust...my mind was angry...the music was loud in my ears (ipod)...it was like a dizzy fog..if you will...I worked my arms...my core the hardest...it was oh so familiar...I got so angry...I grit my teeth when I lifted....my pull ups were insane...I wanted to scream and cry out...and beat the machines and felt grateful for them at the same time...makes no sense but it's the only way I can describe it.. I hated being there....I liked being there...I wanted to leave...I needed to stay and fight it...I stayed...
I came home and made a protien/creatin shake...and popped all my vitamins with that...
Today my body feels like I just stepped out in front of a train...heh...yea..I said it...so what. (steve would have laughed)...
I ache...my core is so sore and my arms hurt...
I'm going back the second I'm done typing this....


----------



## 32yrsago (Apr 21, 2013)

new here and strange ended up here. Not sure I'm ready to be as brave as you. I was looking at audio books regarding marriage counseling, etc. It lead me to this site Your Name caught my eye, because my German Shepherds name is Stella. And I have a fascination with the moon  Started reading your story. Amazed at how similar your ex sounds like my husband except he has nowhere to go. In the past 6 months he has bought 2 brand new cars. The last one was April 14th 3days after our 30th anniversary. I am so upset about it. I have cried for days. It isn't the only stupid thing they just keep going and I am on the very tip toe edge of just saying f***itall. The things that you've express and the way that you write is exactly how feel. Other similarities have me drawn to your writing are that, I am from WI and probably the same or very close to the same age. I get this from phrases that you use and the toughness. The tomboy girl with the heart of gold only wanting One thing and that is to be as passionately Loved as the Love you have so passionately given. Tired of giving but, continually give, hoping that somewhere,somehow, something is going to clobber him over the head and wake him the f up. Mine has never hit me but making a person feel like the are insane is just as bad. The stupid 2 year old temper tantrums, the silent treatments, etc, are to the point that I can hardly contain my laughter anymore. He is 57yrs old!! I miser along and he spends money like no ones business. His favorite phrase is u can't take it with u. I can't get it through his head that I am 7yr younger and have to keep going if he should kick it first!!!! WTF I'm suppose to bust my ass working, letting him spend as he pleases and every time we start to get ahead he does something so amazingly stupid I can hardly believe that it is real. So anyway I am in a planning stage, I have never made it this far before. I have been working on it for awhile now. I think I have been planning for it for awhile now but hadn't actually realized what I have been doing. I stashing cash, getting rid of things not needed, sorting, mentally preparing which I know is going to be the hardest most difficult thing for me. Being alone. I met him the year out, of high school have been with him ever since. I am afraid of all the wack jobs out there! Most of all I still Love the jerk. I may just be so co dependant after all these years that I don't know if it is love or just fear. I am starting to think fear more and more. I started working night shift 2 years ago so that I didn't have to be around his negativity as much. It gave me the perfect excuse to sleep in the spare bedroom. We see each other on the weekends, and swear that's enough for me. Yes it is just fear all fear of being alone, never finding that Real love. Or is that just a fairytale. I Didn't want much just a friggen hug that felt like he gives a ****. A hug that I didn't have to Ask for. I think its too late for it now. I'M on the other path already. Just taking me awhile to start walking it. I'll get there just taking a longer route to get there.
A big hug from me to you, you are strong keep yourself there.
Sorry if none of this made any sense, after 32 years this is only a miniscule of the **** I've put up with. Tired tired tired. The good times were great but the good times are fewer and farther apart so that its getting harder to hang on to get to that next wave of happy.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I think you found the perfect thread. Stella totally rocks and is going to be just fine imo.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

32 years...

Your not going to believe what I'm going to say next...I'm a german Shepard girl...my last one was 12 1/2 yrs old his name was Rio. The only reason why I have a Dane now is because (at that time my ex (the good ex) and I couldn't heart another Shepard yet)...so we got two danes..long story short after 10 years of marriage we split...we both took a Dane...my dane is 5 1/2 years now...but the kicker is...when he passes I'm back to a shepherd...was going to get a female this time and name her Stella...lmao...omg...no shxt. It was going to be Stella or Duchess...was leaning toward my sig name... 
Dane has (his name is actually 'dane' lol) a few years left but once a big dog like that starts going down hill they go...he's still a spry and happy dog...I'm grateful for that ;') 

I can understand exactly where you are in your marriage. I was always 'making plans' and trying to make sure 'projects' got done and hoarding some cash etc...it was an awful way to live... the walking on egg shells and making sure these 'bills' got paid etc..because it could end at any moment...my stbxh liked to walk out the door at any time...and did...always..and take azzloads of cash out... until he just walked out for good and left me financially destitute...paybacks a bxtch though...dunno if you have read this whole thread...not sure what it all says even...this is my second one there was another but deleted it b4 a court date just to cover my azz...prolly should be deleting this one too...lol...but in the 'i don't give a shxt bite me' mode. 
I would be shooting for co-dependancy. Yea...not that you don't love him too...I read the book Co-dependancy No More...it was amazing...you should read it...I'm serious...you will gain strength and get ideas for your current situation...I can't remember the author at the moment but someone will post it.. it also talks about the 'insanity' you feel...and how your not insane...but how the other person makes you feel like you are and it tells you how they 'work you'..it's hard to explain..you need to get the book..
The thing I had to come to terms with is... you can't change him... 'he' won't change...if your ex won't embrace who he is or what he does 'now'...and do some heavy lifting to save your marriage your situation will always be where it's at. That is what sucks...There will be no meaningful hugs... suxks doesn't it?  We did the marriage counseling thing...but stbxh didn't do the homework...he just sat there and looked pretty...it was heartbreaking.. don't get me wrong there was a time he had a coming to Jesus moment...but he couldn't stay on the path...it just wasn't in him...it was indeed easier to follow the path of his influential father figure...
Fear...oh girl... I know this fear...but listen to me...and listen closely...the 'fear' subsides...you take one day at a time...one situation at a time...if only moment by moment...and take your time doing it...there's no hurry in anything...no hurry in 'fixing'....anything...it's taking control back...what the best thing is...in all this...is...no one gets to tell you what to do...or put you down anymore...you can actually say... 'fck off'...'fck you'....I didn't get to 'actually say' 'that'....*evil grin...but I got to 'say that'...in a very different way(s)...my last words to him via text was *so be it. That was the last personal text he got from me...he never heard from 'me' again... unless it was from my lawyer to his...and WHAM...he was in front of a judge answering for things he never thought he'd have to answer for...funny thing...he didn't even take the stand...'coward'...

You have to take back your life...your 50? I'm 47...it's not too late...it's right on time...you need to realize your alone now anyway...you need to be sure you want out...you keeping the house? leaving the house? as for debt...debt is debt...it's going to be there...your still going to work...and eat...
Sounds like your stbxh has no regard for your needs...a big spender huh? Like mine...buying stuff to fill a gap they will never fill...mine will be doing 'that' with 'stuff' and women...only to treat them like crap and shone them later...he is now a 40yr old pauper (I cost him his job) that lives with his mommy and daddy...he ran to them allll the time...now i have put him in a position to where he now 'must'...be with them...and now they 'must' support him... *so be it. 
It was part of taking my soul back...

There are ways of taking your soul back...biggest thing you can do is take back your control...your life...and it sounds like your doing it...my situation called for me to go beyond that to take mine back for me though...my stbxh did very bad things to me. Then he went out of his way to ruin me financially....'bad idea'... 

I lived in Wausau...my friends are there and I want to go back there eventually but tied here because of my job and house...ultimately i want to go back...I love WI..the people there are kind...

Tell me more about you...


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

32yrsago said:


> new here and strange ended up here. Not sure I'm ready to be as brave as you. I was looking at audio books regarding marriage counseling, etc. It lead me to this site Your Name caught my eye, because my German Shepherds name is Stella. And I have a fascination with the moon  Started reading your story. Amazed at how similar your ex sounds like my husband except he has nowhere to go. In the past 6 months he has bought 2 brand new cars. The last one was April 14th 3days after our 30th anniversary. I am so upset about it. I have cried for days. It isn't the only stupid thing they just keep going and I am on the very tip toe edge of just saying f***itall. The things that you've express and the way that you write is exactly how feel. Other similarities have me drawn to your writing are that, I am from WI and probably the same or very close to the same age. I get this from phrases that you use and the toughness. The tomboy girl with the heart of gold only wanting One thing and that is to be as passionately Loved as the Love you have so passionately given. Tired of giving but, continually give, hoping that somewhere,somehow, something is going to clobber him over the head and wake him the f up. Mine has never hit me but making a person feel like the are insane is just as bad. The stupid 2 year old temper tantrums, the silent treatments, etc, are to the point that I can hardly contain my laughter anymore. He is 57yrs old!! I miser along and he spends money like no ones business. His favorite phrase is u can't take it with u. I can't get it through his head that I am 7yr younger and have to keep going if he should kick it first!!!! WTF I'm suppose to bust my ass working, letting him spend as he pleases and every time we start to get ahead he does something so amazingly stupid I can hardly believe that it is real. So anyway I am in a planning stage, I have never made it this far before. I have been working on it for awhile now. I think I have been planning for it for awhile now but hadn't actually realized what I have been doing. I stashing cash, getting rid of things not needed, sorting, mentally preparing which I know is going to be the hardest most difficult thing for me. Being alone. I met him the year out, of high school have been with him ever since. I am afraid of all the wack jobs out there! Most of all I still Love the jerk. I may just be so co dependant after all these years that I don't know if it is love or just fear. I am starting to think fear more and more. I started working night shift 2 years ago so that I didn't have to be around his negativity as much. It gave me the perfect excuse to sleep in the spare bedroom. We see each other on the weekends, and swear that's enough for me. Yes it is just fear all fear of being alone, never finding that Real love. Or is that just a fairytale. I Didn't want much just a friggen hug that felt like he gives a ****. A hug that I didn't have to Ask for. I think its too late for it now. I'M on the other path already. Just taking me awhile to start walking it. I'll get there just taking a longer route to get there.
> A big hug from me to you, you are strong keep yourself there.
> Sorry if none of this made any sense, after 32 years this is only a miniscule of the **** I've put up with. Tired tired tired. The good times were great but the good times are fewer and farther apart so that its getting harder to hang on to get to that next wave of happy.[/Quote
> 
> Although you go into quite a bit of detail you don’t share what you have done to try and save your marriage. Have you asked your husband for MC? Have you shared with him how your feeling at all? I certainly understand having to take your life back, but after 30 years what have you done to communicate to your H and you will not tolerate this behavior?


----------



## 32yrsago (Apr 21, 2013)

. share what you have done to try and save your marriage. Have you asked your husband for MC? Have you shared with him how your feeling at all? I certainly understand having to take your life back, but after 30 years what have you done to communicate to your H and you will not tolerate this behavior?[/QUOTE]


There is a lot of story missing , briefly though We've been through 2 bankruptcy. He went through drug and alcohol treatment. After I left him, that was 20 yrs ago. He has had affairs. The last one was 2009. I am not princess prudence in that area either in fact I believe that is the one thing we still Want from each other. We move every 4 or 5 years. I just want to stay in one place get to know some people, go out have some fun. He won't talk. He gets pissed and leaves. I'M done just preparing, getting my ducks in order. Going to take my time and do it so I feel comfortable. Like I said this has been stirring in me and the last affair that he doesn't know I know about tore my heart out for the last time. I found out from her mother that I didn't know at his work Christmas party. HE was fired 2 weeks later. This mother was the owners wife, and their daughter and my husband were having affair. I have always worked he would get a job get a different job and another one . He was an electrician. Then I lost my job stayed in our house for a year before having to give it . Now I'm in bumfck Arizona no friends no family. I Haven't lived in Wi for 13yrs. I Don't even want to think of that cold. I am thinking that part out. Where do "I" want to live? You know what is really killing me is that I have in all these years honestly and this just freaks me out I have not even been interested in fcking anyone Except him! I don't want to hurt like this anymore. Yea I am done done done. It might take me another year but I've got nothing but time. I've been pulling away for the last 6 months or more trying to make this gradual. I Don't want anything , we don't really have anything. I FIND THAT SAD!! Like I said every time it starts to get going good he does something so obnoxiously stupid!! 
I Am Done With Stupid. Know what I got for our 30 yr anniversary? Some half dead GasStation Daisys?????? REALLY??? Know what he got himself? A BRAND NEW 2013 Dodge Challenger ..red.. Yes HE has high taste thats why he picked me 32 years ago. I'M fit,in shape don't look a day over 40, some think younger, while he has let himself go. So he can just whatever, don't care anymore.


----------



## 32yrsago (Apr 21, 2013)

And I don't to hear about his midlife crisis. He started that 10 yrs ago I think he should be done with that now.


----------



## 32yrsago (Apr 21, 2013)

Stella lol my home town is Lake Mills. Lived in Fort Atkinson, and Jefferson. YES people in WI really are kind, down to earth people. I've lived in Tx, Nevada, and now Az, not one has compared or even come close. OH Stella is a great name for your future pooch. Its crazy to yell out Steeeellllllllaaaaa love it .


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Well I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish you luck as you start a new path in your life. I’m 53 and I know how scary it is to think about starting over, so I can understand you’re taking it slow and having a plan. It gets to a point where the unknown future looks much better than the desperate brokenness that you live in.


----------



## 32yrsago (Apr 21, 2013)

doureallycare2 said:


> Well I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish you luck as you start a new path in your life. I’m 53 and I know how scary it is to think about starting over, so I can understand you’re taking it slow and having a plan. It gets to a point where the unknown future looks much better than the desperate brokenness that you live in.



Lol that is the perfect last line!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Went into anaphylaxis shock last night..had a reaction to my allergy shots. Happened hard and fast. I get two shots one in each arm. My last memory was insisting I call the on shift Captain to tell him I wouldn't be in and the little wee nurse was getting pissed at me because I wasn't getting on the gurney and I was passing out my throat was closing...I kept trying to tell her that she didn't under stand...lol.."nuclear security is different you don't just figure it out later you tell them what is going on 'now' and why and why at 'this time' ...I was so concerned about the time I was told..I was hanging onto the desk and the phone and she was coming at me and brought Dr. Tony...oooh...I don't know who was getting more agitated I had enough damn breath in me to make this call and dammit I was going to make it...I wasn't going to be a no show at my job I wasn't dressed this way because It was fashionable...so mary takes the phone from me and talks to Lynch herself...she sounded agitated and Dr. Tony puts me on the f'n gurney and it got dim I could hear stuff but couldn't see much...I hate people touching me and messin with me...and where the f is my stuff? My ipad/cell?? Whos going to call josh?
so I come to a bit in a cold room in the back of an ER and I'm hooked up to crap and being jabbed with ****...by now i'm angry Im even going through this because I don't have anyone I'm familiar with with me. It's sad really. I have a damn tube in my mouth with smoke coming out of it...a nebulizer thought 'hey this is pretty cool I can do this'...so I sucked on that for awhile and it kept me quiet and they gave me IV crap to stop this reaction and bring my oxygen level up and my face was swollen (still is) like yoda...hives everywhere..I could have made the coolest horror film so I thought...but I was actually talking out loud I guess cos people were now laughing and they all made me feel comfortable...well they better have...fkers changed my clothes...hate that...I guess just from the waist up I fought the rest told them no need and ya...bra and tank do STAY ON! ha...I won that one too...They took xrays of my chest...and more jabs and IV crap and 10 million questions...
I had to be kept for the night...they were afraid of another reaction a few hours later so they kept me in a friggin coma... lol...

oatmeal wasn't so bad...eyes are still waay swollen...if this is what i'm going to look like at 70 i'm in trouble...I'm exhausted though...i just want to sleep...I ripped the heart monitor off this morning...they weren't happy about that...damn thing was bugging me...twenty friggin chords hanging off of me with some big box hanging off my neck...no...try to take a pee wth that thing...once twice..but that was enough...they found it on the bathroom floor...done. My heart is fine. These damn patches itch... I want to go home. Taking these patches off now...cripe they take off all damn 7 layers of my friggin skin! Wtf.. Whats on the bottom of these things? Rubber cement? No one sleeps well in hospitals.. what's the point of giving me all those drugs and my ambien just to come shake me awake yell at me to take my blood pressure and my temp. every damn 20 minutes? Really? No wonder I'm so tired...then the morning nurse comes in all cheery "how'd you sleep?" ...uh?....'let me just smack you' for asking..


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Scary stuff Stella.

Glad you're ok.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

32yrsago said:


> Stella lol my home town is Lake Mills. Lived in Fort Atkinson, and Jefferson. YES people in WI really are kind, down to earth people. I've lived in Tx, Nevada, and now Az, not one has compared or even come close. OH Stella is a great name for your future pooch. Its crazy to yell out Steeeellllllllaaaaa love it .


well in my opinion you've got all the reason to start over...go for it! Do it..be done with being miserable! Grab one of those cars...pack up and go girl...seriously...just do it...crap I would...what's he gonna do! ? It's marital property...figure it out later...grab your favorite car..load it up...leave...why not? GO!!!!!!! 

I've got to dot my i's and cross my T's and mines going to take awhile...I'm not done where i'm at but i want to leave... ive got nothing here... i feel it deep down i need to leave..mine will be a bit..but i also have to go..mine will be a process and i'm at the very beginning...but i want to go as well... 

Meet you in Wisconsin woman!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Scary stuff Stella.
> 
> Glad you're ok.


yea...still sittin' here... lookin like a sorry ass basset hound...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> yea...still sittin' here... lookin like a sorry ass basset hound...


At least you're still moving head first.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Glad my fave "birch" is good. Even if you were naughty to the medical staff.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I think thats the worst feeling in the world, not being able to breath... Glad your ok.....Guess they need to re-think those shots of yours now.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

yea they do...they were helping me...the medical staff actually got a kick out of my orneriness...I wasn't vicious or anything of course just bullheaded bit...when I was typing I was indeed venting...there was laughter, especially when referring the nebulizer to a bong..and it did keep me quiet...I did want to breathe...panic does set in when ones oxygen levels go down...it's a whole new ball game there.. 
I went to the gym tonight...late so barely anyone was there..did a quick intense work out...had to let loose a bit...'feel it'...i slept well after I got home...sort of detoxifying if even that makes sense... 
came home made a protien/creatin shake...feel bloated though...yuk..steroids...on them orally for three more days...wonder if that's where I got this burst of energy from? Weird.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

*Re: Anyone a Codependent? (a thread for the BS)*

Stella, this is a reply to another thread were you said he set you free or some such bs.. don't you dare give him any of your credit for what you have done. He never set you free, he walked leaving you chained. Who fast off those shackles so you could dance? 

Don't you forget it.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Been having a hard time of it all. The snow is melting and things outside are exposed...fire pits, tools, unfinished projects, stuff..the 90ft wall...at counseling today I was told I was grieving. "finally" grieving...funny I thought I was grieving all along...yea things have been hitting me pretty hard lately...being in the hospital without a significant other hit hard...this snow melting...his stuff out there in a mess and disaray...it's raining outside...I love the rain, the smell of the rain...I drove down my long muddy driveway and just lost it...came into the house and into the bedroom and sat on the bed and let out the loudest blood curdling scream you ever heard...followed by another...then another...and another...blood curdling...gut wrenching...sobs and crying...screaming at him...telling him he's evil and vile for ruining my dreams and now my love for my lake house I need to leave. I can't stay here. I don't know how or when but now i have to leave it. It consumes me...it's owning me...i can't breathe...I love this house but this is not my home anymore...the plant i not where I belong anymore..this is not my town. I don't fit in.. 
I love this house it needs someone to help it keep breathing...up keep and it's not me. I'm not a handy man...I love this house, my lake...I love it here...the birds...the wild life...but i'm lonely...I have no one...this place was meant for stbxh and me...I don't know how to 'stay' here and be 'ok'... things are uncovered...unmasked,...exposed and 'hes' here... the feeling of 'abandonment' is 'here'...within me here...I'm crying hard typing this...lost in myself...and just...can't cope. Maybe getting off the paxil wasn't a good idea? No fxkin clue..it's like it was easier when things were covered in snow...but now things are moving outside...'getting real'... another mess for me to see and clean up...fix...organize..another agenda... 
Gawd I hate him for fxking up my life. Changing it...making this aloneness happen at this time in my life...loving him the way I did... leaving me crushed inside like glass...bleeding out... how dare him continue to breathe in and out without feeling remorse or pain...how dare he not 'feel'...this is someones life...I am a person...not a fxking light switch...to be turned on and off at his whim...yet that's what he did...as easy as reaching for it. Up...down...up...down...up...down forever... 
Fxker... 
If I had it in me for more blood curdling screams to match this mental and emotional anguish I would scream so loud he could hear me in his town...I'd want his world to hear my pain...see if it could possibly sear a part of his heart...his black heart...
I will grieve you...yes...I am grieving you...because it's more than just you I am grieving..it is 'us'...it is 'my home'....'my house'...'my job' my town...the entire life I chose to stay here and build for 'you'...I am grieving...I gave you my heart...my soul and entire well being no matter what you did...shame on me. The love i felt for you ran through my veins even with every verbal blow because I believed in you when no one else did...when I shouldn't have. Lesson learned. 
Yes you have tossed me aside...perhaps tried to forget? Have you forgotten me? Hm? Oh yes,...I am grieving you as shallow as it is...but may God help you when I collect myself and get back up again...when I find yet another way to draw my strength like I have done so many times before may God help you ...I will be the woman you will not have forgotten...I will figure this shxt out if only I succeed in the rest of my life to make up for this sadness and despair you will forever be cursed with the black heart you bear.
Suxks to suxk.


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Your words are so expressive, I hope it really helps you to get it all out. What about the gym? You were kicking azz in that post, great image!!
If you need to move then do it when you can. I don't want to leave my home either but too many memories that I don't want live with day in and day out. 
He's a dirtbag and lost the best thing that ever happened to him. You know you will get through this and come out the better stronger woman on the other side and then you can spit in his face (and I mean that quite literally )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

today your yard and your heart was uncoverd. You see the mud and debree left in the wake of winter. You are not seeing the new birth that is about to happen under that mud, the flowers, the grass. You do not see the rebirth thats about to happen in your heart,contentment with out him, peace and joy in your home. These things will bloom, everyghing has their season.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

You know they say its darkest before the dawn.

I have a feeling that's where your at. Don't run from the feeling. Realising I had been tossed aside like a broken toy was hard for me. In a list of hard things its at the top. My forever turned put to only be her convenience. That kicked me in the ass, hard. Just like seems to be happening for you. Let yourself grieve. Crying doesn't make you soft and weak. I'd it did, i'd be a bowl of melted ice cream left in the sun. I cried. a lot.

I'm not though, under the pain and the regrets I'm as tough as they come. 

I see the same with you Hon. Let yourself grieve. Get it all out however you need to, just don't make any ling term decisions till you feel ok.

I forget about the meds, was that agreed with doc or did you just decide you didn't need them?


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Your pain just jumps right of the page at me Stella.Wish I could express in words as powerful as yours,something to soothe your troubled heart.I'm so sorry.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

For you Stella, cos i want to see you "Dance" again.

Florence + the Machine - Shake It Out (Lyrics) - YouTube


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You've had a rough few days. Glad that you are at least out of the ER and working out again.

Your last post.. you talk about him leaving you and the pain of that. But you don't talk about the physcial and emotional abuse. That really bothers me. It bothers me because if he had not left, you would still be with him and he would still be abusing you. 

It's almost like the broken bones are easier for you to handle then being alone.

I want to shake you to get you to pay attention to the harm he did to you. I want you to morn what he took from you via the abuse. I'm waiting for the day when you celebrate that you are no longer being beaten up, being callle names and put down. Once you realize that being alone is better than the way he treated you.. you will be free of him.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Ah Miss Stella....you are hitting it alright....the storm is almost passing. It hurts seeing you so sad. 

Remember who you are....and what you are. 

Free-not alone. 

Here comes the sun sweetheart x


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

oncehisangel said:


> Ah Miss Stella....you are hitting it alright....the storm is almost passing. It hurts seeing you so sad.
> 
> Remember who you are....and what you are.
> 
> ...


Stella,

OHA is on it.

She's on the other side of the world and has spotted the sun headed your way.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So mediation happened. I was able to avoid ever seeing him or hearing him but of course had to see his truck when I left the building first all I could do was smile to myself and have the image of my aluminum bat in my hand...all I had to do was reach out into my fj grab it and walk just a few steps...and swing...and...anyone out there other than me realize just how much release there is in swinging a bat? Lol...seriously...especially if it's to bust some shxt up. 'His' shxt up... 

So the mediator is only a suggestor of the court...she's not what 'he' ...'we' have to abide by...but it went in my favor...she made him realize he owes me money...lol...so I hear..it's suggested he come up with a lump sum..or he pay 'spousal maint'. for x amount of months...and if he doesn't pay he's in contempt and that should be written in the decree or what have you...so I guess 'he's' not happy... what is realized though...because I want to keep my bed...and obviously get the house..and the appliances...blah blah bah...I get the debt with that...and with that the second line of credit...blah blah blah...but how it was all worked out...it's looking fair...and either way...I'm going to be struggling or screwed but i'm going to do all I can...to make it work...or wipe it out in the long run... whatever.. 
Would have liked to have been in the room when he was told the 55" visio was bartered for fj services needed...so TV is gone...she suggested he get the other one..if I have to give it up I will...it will just smell like doe piss...so be it. 

I decided obviously to sell the boat...to that's going to be sold and the attys. are going to try and get the bank to have us split what's left on separate notes and pay off the rest...oooh I that pissed off stbxh...because he expected me to keep the boat loan...a $26,000 loan... yea...um...no. I'm not biting that...not going to happen. As a matter of fact as I've stated Im going to rent out the house or sell...I'm going to bail. It will take some time but i have to leave...so I'm ok with the boat being gone..to never set eyes on that beautiful machine again...it was indeed grand though... oh well.. it's part of letting him go and a life I'm no longer going to lead...so...bye bye boat... 

The lake house is going to be tough though...and even though most of me hates the plant...that will be tough too.. I'm scared shxtless...but I'm taking steps every day to make changes... changes to meet my goals. 
I'm going to try for a modification in my mortgage..not sure if it's going to work...I've called the credit union..asked to lower my fj payment...'not' compromising my cruizer...I mean...some things just 'aint gonna happen...heh... it's just too bad azz and it's just me all around...lake house yes...fj...he!!a no.. that's a payment I make...but it must be lowered...I'm souping that sucker up and will be the only one in Wausau with that style...like that idea...next will be a muscle car...yep... with some muscle sitting next to me... >~ ...heh heh heh... 

goals...need to meet these goals... it's going to be a long road...but I'm going to try and shorten it a bit... if I can...I have a lot to accomplish...but I have time because I'm at a stalemate until the end of one thing for sure...that appeal.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You've had a rough few days. Glad that you are at least out of the ER and working out again.
> 
> Your last post.. you talk about him leaving you and the pain of that. But you don't talk about the physcial and emotional abuse. That really bothers me. It bothers me because if he had not left, you would still be with him and he would still be abusing you.
> 
> ...


I've talked about the physical and emotional many many times though...it's evident ...there...and acknowledged...I think I write what stands out the strongest for me at the moment. 

I want to shake me too...I should be recognizing and remembering the entire 'lot' of it always...but my heart and brain doesn't always work that way...my agony is such that it is at the time...right or wrong...it's mine to own I don't know how to be 'healthier' about it. Although I do try..and I do agree with you fully. 

The loneliness....aaahhhh yes...I'm 47..I've never ever lived alone...been alone....been single...unattached....I have no support system...physical support system..meaning no circle of friends and the two kids are busy. I have a cool lawyer...and my counselor...and co workers are just that..
My circle is in Wisconsin. ....I was alone in that hospital you see...no one means 'no one.' So lonely is painful for me yes. I don't like it. I don't 'need' a man....don't get me wrong...but 'my loneliness' is true....aloneness. As in...no support no friends here..I'm no longer a couple...lost people along the way here...
It happens. 

I'm trying to change this and get back 'home' ...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> Ah Miss Stella....you are hitting it alright....the storm is almost passing. It hurts seeing you so sad.
> 
> Remember who you are....and what you are.
> 
> ...


I have been trying to use this statement since I read it...

I'm trying...

And I'm wanting to 'like' the sun again...I'm trying...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This was a huge hurdle. It sounds like the major part of the divorce is probably over. 

I hope you can get a great re-finance. There are some good programs out there to refinance at a very low rate. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I think your doing great with a horrible situation and with great difficulty. I ss you making your goais and trying to take t step by step down the path you need to take to get there. I write my goals down.. look at them and say this is to painful, i dont know how I can do this and give up..... so you keep going on, it may help me to find my courage to face the tuff decissions I dont want to face.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

How ya doin' LR?


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

She's too busy for the likes of us now. 

Hope your having a good tim Stella.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

06Daddio08 said:


> How ya doin' LR?


HI....

Never to busy for you guys...

enjoying being here in Wisconsin...woke up today...smiling....I'm staying at my usual place..I rent out these apts. type place...out back is a river...open the door and let the dogs out...hear the wild life...in the middle of town though...love it.  

Went out last night...every where I went I was known....had familiar faces...'known'...loved...loved on...tonight/today I will be surrounded by friends...this is 'my place'... I belong 'here'...even the faces I don't know are kind and friendly and accept me and embrace me...and give me a ''hey where have you been glad your back...I know you....beer later...." 

Gonna got to town ...the mall...shop...spend money I don't have and enjoy...hit the tat shops...my friends are the owners...say hello to them...see others...also my sons father is rolling through town later moving some stuff...he lives hr. away from here...were gonna hook up for a beer and a hello...
later tonight...lot of us going out...karaoke...and dance bar later...then back to karaoke...aaaaand....I'm meeting someone...a Wisconsin guy...from an hour away...from the dating site...a dirt biker dude (does motocross) he's coming up...we have only exchanged many pics and texted...I'm leary...cos these 'dating site' things never seem to work out for me...I either don't like them/no attraction in real life...or they have become a lover ...(the other two...now down to one..unfortunately it's the one I can't friggin stand......lol)

So i have a busy agenda here in Wisconsin this weekend...
I'm thrilled to start my day...so gonna jump in the shower and rinse off my sleep...get out there and smile...

aside from the above...the most wonderful thing about being here...is that I don't 'feel him'....stbxh...is not 'here'...in my atmosphere...I don't have to look over my shoulder or in parking lots for his truck...hes 'not close by'...or 'near'....the air here is not 
'thick with his presence' ...or possibility of such... I have total and complete freedom here...every where I go...every thing I do...I'm safe...and 'free'...I have no anger here...

I left my bat at home...  haha! 

(pistol is with me...I mean c'mon...that's just natural)....lol


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

...and thanks for checking on me...
x0xx00x


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Anytime.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I like him. 

We like each other... 


Wow.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Cool beans
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sounds like a very good break for you Stella. Enjoy your vacation.

If only you could find a good job there....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Im home now. 

Sucks...


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

I know exactly what you mean there. When you live far from where you are comfortable and happy, being "home" is tough.

((hugs))


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I like him.
> 
> We like each other...
> 
> ...


Wisconson fella??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

familyfirst09 said:


> Wisconson fella??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So...

a couple of weeks ago stbxh and i did the mediation thing...and what she recommended makes sense and 'if' we go to court that's the recommendation and my atty. agrees..even 'his' atty'. agrees...so why isn't the dooshcanoe signing? I don't get it? Why not settle then? I thought he wanted the divorce so bad? 

I sent his parents (with the permission and 'ok' of my atty) a text...you see his parents are paying for everything...and I bet his parent's think 'I'm' holding up the show...so I sent the following text to his parents... 

"The court mediator came up with a fiar 50/50 settlement agreement for this divorce. There is 'no reason' and nothing else to settle or drag on and wait in this divorce. Dooshcanoe can accept his half of the responsibility like he's supposed to and sign now and be done and go away. Please encourage him to do so. 

There's no reason to wait til pretrial in sept. The debt won't change....the settlement won't change...nothing will change...it's done. All we need is his settlement agreement..and a signature.. Done. "

It's not like I was going to get a text or call back...but wtf...what's the hold up? He's going to have to pay me eventually so what's the difference? 
I also told my atty. if this is how it's going to roll I need a name change...I can't deal with his last name anymore...this sxcks...I don't want this.. my atty. also said something about checking into pushing forward with the divorce ahead of the game of the property settlment etc...
I want my damned divorce...

What's so hilarious is 'he' wanted this so bad..ha ha...
I just hate those people... I should know more tomorrow...but this sxcks...


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I also told my atty. if this is how it's going to roll I need a name change...I can't deal with his last name anymore...this sxcks...I don't want this.. my atty. also said something about checking into pushing forward with the divorce ahead of the game of the property settlment etc...
> I want my damned divorce...


If AXW keeps delaying, I'm looking into getting some temporary orders from the judge to get her out of the house and and/or get her to help pay the bills... You might ask your attorney about doing the same about Dooshcanoe.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

apparently the text to his parents did something... I received a settlement offer yesterday.. not taking it cos it's lame but I figured he didn't 'tell them' this could be settled and 'he' was dragging it out...lol...too funny...

mommy and daddy has always got to hold his hand and guide him...isn't that just some funny azz shxt right there....


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

A step in the right direction
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

'Now' he wants to have my house appraised...he thinks it's worth more than blah blah whatever...AND there's a second mortgage...line if credit type thing against it...for over 13 grand...omg....

Back to the delays and games...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So is he paying for the appraisal?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I don't even know.. I didn't even ask...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The house is in your name? Is that right?

What was the source of the down payment?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Don't feel like getting into all that right now...all he wants to do is lessen the debt he owes me so he's trying the equity angle. Yes it's in my name..no he doesn't want it...he couldn't even support it...lol


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My point in asking is that if you made the down payment from non-community funds then if the house appraises for more then you owe... have your attorney subtract your down payment from the equity.

There are ways to work this.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

The appraisal was nice and low. Angered stbxh off to no end. It was more of a realtors assessment type thing. But since it's low now we can ask for more money if stbxh makes us go to pre trial. Wtf...my atty. says settle now or were asking for all of it so we can just get done with this. Stbxh now wants to pull in an independent appraiser...and is just fxcking around...my atty. is just pissed...lol I had to tell him to calm down...haha....


As for Wisconsin dude....this is not going as I expected or wanted. I am pulling back. Going indifferent....and dark. Hard to do long distance...he may not notice or care...no idea...
But I don't think he knows what he wants...I'm not going to chase him while he figures it out. Nope. I'm a fucxing gold mine and he can miss me. If he does he does...if not...oh well. He still so angry at his ex wife...I expressed how he needs to let her go and let go of things he cannot control...he liked none of the conversation. Even wants to tattoo discovery date on himself...ok...'I' don't like that and expressed it...again wasn't happy with me. The sex was awesome...but he was detached. When he left the hotel here last night I was crushed...my emotions ran high...things didn't part well...
I just need to pull back...isn't that the thing to do? 180? Not complete...but make it clear I'm not going to chase...
It's weird...I know he likes me...but he won't get closer to me..he was distant...this time. 
No there isn't anyone else that I know of. He's not a player. REALLY into his kids...2 girls...his job. His bikes...motocross...his house and yard...he talks about his yard work a lot...
Anyway...he was married20 yrs...found wife cheating...been divorced over2 years,,had a couple meaningless relationships since... 

Any input welcome...just needed to talk..


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Mornin, toots. Sorry your good weekend had to end in a sour note. 

Honestly, if I were in your stbx place, and the appraisal came back really low, I'd probably want another, too. But there will likely be little difference in the numbers, it's just the state RE is in right now. 

I had a freaking awesome weekend, in spite of some news that might have possibly upset me a couple of months ago. The company was great and the sex was better. NSA monkey sex, lol. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

I do agree you can't be in a new relationship without totally letting go of the old. Red flags on the play.

If he is still visibly carrying anger over after two years i would be concerned. I think pulling back and letting it settle down sounds sensible in the circumstances. It may not be what you really wanted out of it but being able to accept reality for what it is, is good.

For it to be serious, he has to know what he wants. I think its far too soon for you to be worrying about whether someone can be emotionally available for you. If he can't be that now, and all there is, is great sex. Whats the point.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Northern Monkey said:


> Whats the point.


Ummm, great sex?
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Yes but you can get that without the red flags and getting serious.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sounds like this guy is still emotionally caught up with his ex. Wanting to a tattoo of DDay is a huge red flag. You are doing the right thing.. the 180. Just let him go figure out if he wants to stay in the past or make a future with a real woman.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella, you're not looking for a serious LTR right now, are you?

You may feel differently, but I'm sure not ready for that right now. 

Where'd you go, you big tease. 

You wanted to talk and disappeared.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Mornin, toots. Sorry your good weekend had to end in a sour note.
> 
> Honestly, if I were in your stbx place, and the appraisal came back really low, I'd probably want another, too. But there will likely be little difference in the numbers, it's just the state RE is in right now.
> 
> ...


LMFAO! Awesome...yea..I had great sex too...gotta luv that part...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Sounds like this guy is still emotionally caught up with his ex. Wanting to a tattoo of DDay is a huge red flag. You are doing the right thing.. the 180. Just let him go figure out if he wants to stay in the past or make a future with a real woman.


I told him this...that I felt he was still hung up or angry at her etc....that he needed to 'let go' ....he got p*ssed. He brings her up a lot...but says he's over it...she's with her boyfriend...

Yea..something tells me he's not ready...and I already feel like I'd have to work at it...he seemed unattached this visit. Except when we got nakid  

I need to back off...he does need to figure it out. If I'm wanted or missed he will let me know..


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Well, its just my humble opinion fro your previous post but I dont think your ready any more than it sounds like he is. I know I sound like a mom..But dont stunt your own healing by rushing into relationships.. I know its wonderful to try and numb the pain. But unfortionatly numbing it does not make it go away even if you can hide it for years, then wham its back.. youve gone though to much just to stunt the healing process now.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Sounds like this guy is still emotionally caught up with his ex. Wanting to a tattoo of DDay is a huge red flag. You are doing the right thing.. the 180. Just let him go figure out if he wants to stay in the past or make a future with a real woman.


He explained it as the date his new life began...type thing.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Well, its just my humble opinion fro your previous post but I dont think your ready any more than it sounds like he is. I know I sound like a mom..But dont stunt your own healing by rushing into relationships.. I know its wonderful to try and numb the pain. But unfortionatly numbing it does not make it go away even if you can hide it for years, then wham its back.. youve gone though to much just to stunt the healing process now.


Well I gotta try some things out at some point sometime...so I did. 

Either shxt works out or it doesn't...but I like trying and meeting others...and wanted to see where this one went...so I did. Looks like epic fail. 
Nobody's gonna slow my progression for nuthin...


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

You don't have to go looking. When its right, maybe it will find you.

It's great you were able to spot the potential for disaster and step back!

Even if this was an epic fail, its still done in awesome Stella style!


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

DDay tattoo...wtf!

Yep backing off is a good idea.

Way to bitter to be in a positive relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Agree with Monkey Man... If we have learned anything it's to spot those red flags a mile away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Not only recognize them but run the fvck away! Holy. I've never heard of anything so weird...he's got a lot of negative energy to let go. Don't let him ruin yours. You are kick azz mama, deserve better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

keep talking to me here...I'm actually having a hard time...geez...what would I do without all of you...I really liked him...there were indeed so many positives here...I didn't even get into those...he was into me an expressed it ...then got weird...lmao...

now i'm finding I want to write him 'a email'...yanno...a wtf..type thing...he texted the other day..yesterday when i got home and said 'so whats up with everything?'...
I told him when i tried to call him after he'd left that night at the hotel...he was so short and sour...his response was 'i was sleeping'...

I didn't respond after that...

yea..so much to the story here...and of course we give each other bits and pieces cos it's the internet...it's hard..but when he left i was crushed..he was supposed to spend the night with me...but he had to work the next day...I took monday off to spend sunday night with him...at his suggestion a couple weeks ago when we made the plans...I told him to stay...then commute...the hour...til the last minute and just 'be tired'...he wouldn't have it...he wanted to get home...crash...be up for work...then he had his kids...

i got that...but he coulda 'suffered' 'some' sleep...he was just sort of an ass about it. After he left I texted him i felt empty and missed him and he dismissed it..saying I felt that way because of my 'past relationships'....ok 'that' pissed me off... we have told each other we have missed each other before... he invalidated me. As if i didn't live in the 'now'....yea he should talk mr tatoo DDay on your arm fxck. 

So I felt as though all of a sudden i have no importance...or priority. Do I now then just disappear? Stay dark? When all i want to do is communicate and say wtf... 'you wanted this'....and 'now'.....??? For no reason.... 
Do I write him an email and say what I want to say 'then' go dark? 

Can you even believe i'm in this place? haha...isn't this just fun...ppffftt.... but i'm hurt here...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I love you, Stel, but you kind of set yourself up for this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Screw him Stella.

Just go back to the previous plan. Live in the now, cougar it up a bit.

He reneged on plans and tries to say you are not living n the present? Blame Shifting happens without cheating!

Maybe it simply is too soon for you too though. What he does or doesn't want isn't important. All that matters is what is right for you. 

He seems a little Jeckyl n Hyde, is that what you want?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> I love you, Stel, but you kind of set yourself up for this
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


how so? by trying to move forward and checking out a relationship? people do that.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Northern Monkey said:


> Screw him Stella.
> 
> Just go back to the previous plan. Live in the now, cougar it up a bit.
> 
> ...


jeckyll and hyde is not what i want...of course not...that's who i referred to in my blog with stbxh...only were talkin psycho severe...clearly...

but no it's not what i want...no one is perfect and clearly he has his own hurts and demons. 

Just need to hear it. I reminded myself of my own words today as well...some stuff i blogged and wrote months back....trying to get myself back into my own perspective... it's just disappointing and hard. 
I'm not going to not put myself out there and not take chances and move forward...I mean yea...i had the two lovers...kept it at that...and then i met 'him'...and wanted to try it out...'so what'.. 

I liked the guy...still do. Suxcks... I don't think any of us are ever going to have that 'perfect person'... but I don't need pain and trouble either...or a repeat of history...he!! no... 

I'm just trying to figure it out... just like anyone else.


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> how so? by trying to move forward and checking out a relationship? people do that.


Wrong guy... never mind. :slap:


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> how so? by trying to move forward and checking out a relationship? people do that.


Of course not...

By letting yourself develop an emo attachment with the guy. 

JMO, but for folks like us (having recently experienced a heart-wrenching split), I think NSA is the only way. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Of course not...
> 
> By letting yourself develop an emo attachment with the guy.
> 
> ...


NSA? ....brain fart...


Yea...not disagreeing with you...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> Wrong guy... never mind. :slap:


got the 'wrong guy' part...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I can't even stop laughing right now... 

so i'm working in a location where there is no cell service...i get out and take my cell off of airplane...a message comes in... 

"so your not talking to me anymore"... no idea when it actually came in...because it shows the time is when it's taken off of airplane...then another one comes in... "well I hope everything works out for you iwth your job and moving and stuff, take care and good luck". 

OOKAY...so I send him a text explaining i'm at work at a post no cell service since 6pm...got out at 154am...but I realize he may be sleeping...so he won't be answering...nonetheless I gave him my explination...and left it at that.. 

then i log onto facebook....and he unfriended me... o...m...g... 

I can't even be upset...I can't even stop laughing...this is too funny... are you fxking kidding me? Is this real? He unfriends me? Wow... 

I see my stbxh in this guy... a runner...holy crap...LMAO! He must really think he's something else huh? Ok...now I'm just humored... 

Oh...and gave my phone number to the guy that was on a job near the post I was at...if we go for a beer we go for a beer...


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

But Stella, he snapped his fingers. Why didn't you come running right away? Bad Stella, naughty Stella! What's he think you are, a puppy?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people believe they are the centre of the universe.

He is a child in a mans body. Having been one of them myself till recently i am pretty confident in that statement.

I think its good riddance tbh Stella. You want someone that likes bad and naughty Stella just the way she is.

Curious though, say he accepts your explanation and wants to continue communicating.. your response would be?


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Unfriended you on Facebook-Ha Ha -Is this guy shooting for Passive-Aggressive of the Year- lol Don't walk away from this guy-Run! Forrest Run!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Northern Monkey said:


> But Stella, he snapped his fingers. Why didn't you come running right away? Bad Stella, naughty Stella! What's he think you are, a puppy?
> 
> It never ceases to amaze me how many people believe they are the centre of the universe.
> 
> ...



Did he snap his fingers? lmao...perhaps he just used it as an excuse to rid of me...I have no damn idea...haha...I can't read this one...maybe it's his excuse...? 

If he wants to communicate? I really don't know wtf there is to talk about...I talked for two damn days...talk about what? 

"i want to be with someone who can't keep their hands off of me...who will hold me at night...and who is willing to accept me for who i truly am." 
This is not you..." 

I could go on... 

I don't see what there is to talk about...
perhaps I will say the above... dunno....


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Or you could say less, do more.

Don't talk, just walk. 

It's important you know what you want, not so much that he does now.

By snapping his fingers i mean the hissy fit you didnt reply quick enough so messaged again and then unfriended. 

Its a shame he isn't who you thought he might be but at least you found out early.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella, I don’t even know what to say..... first your really hurt which had me concerned because I saw that coming... then you just want to laugh the whole thing off... somehow I’m not buying it.. I think you’re good at trying to put a hard outer shell around your heart when it starts being attacked. The choices you’re making again are setting you up for failure "again" in your relationships. It’s time for a new road and new path, not down the same ones that only cause you pain. ok Ill keep my mouth shut now..


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Unfriended? I'm crushed for you. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

old timer said:


> Unfriended? I'm crushed for you.


Could be worse... AXW unfrieded me _and_ blocked me!


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

:rofl:

Haha, same here, was blocked. Only found out as was going to block her to stop the cyber stalking.

Blocking someone that has already blocked you, is a ballache.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Unfriended? I'm crushed for you.
> 
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lmao!!! no your not...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> Could be worse... AXW unfrieded me _and_ blocked me!



lmao!!! I know right! We need therapy...and meds...and omg...seminars and shxt...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Stella, I don’t even know what to say..... first your really hurt which had me concerned because I saw that coming... then you just want to laugh the whole thing off... somehow I’m not buying it.. I think you’re good at trying to put a hard outer shell around your heart when it starts being attacked. The choices you’re making again are setting you up for failure "again" in your relationships. It’s time for a new road and new path, not down the same ones that only cause you pain. ok Ill keep my mouth shut now..



Yea...well you have a point but then there's also the realization of things within myself yanno...I 'am' capable of being hurt or disappointed and bouncing back...i'm not dying here...I was into him but didn't love the guy...how about a little credit? I mean it's a fresh situation...a day or so 'can' go by with the support of you guys...other friends and some self realizations and yea...some things you 'can' laugh at...and brush off...or flat out ...._wtf_....

and as for down the same roads that cause you pain...unless you take the road...you don't know where it's going to lead so yea...lighten up a bit...I took the road...and it led me here...I don't need to be scolded or punished for my choices...and guess what... I"m going to take another road...and perhaps find another loser...or two...it happens...some shxt needs to be weeded out...it's just something we go through...until we find...if we find someone...
and guarding your heart...if or when it's being attacked...is a natural defense mechanism I would think... 

my point of telling my story about him here and the facebook unfriending was to tell of his actions...not because i'm all devastated...cmon really? 

he even texted me before bed and did a ....'oh ok...how was work?'.... 

lmao... as if nothing happened... yea...this has gotten a bit funny to me...
it's just a matter of sorting it out... and gaining the perspective...

hey i liked the guy...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Northern Monkey said:


> Or you could say less, do more.
> 
> Don't talk, just walk.
> 
> ...



Yea and this is what I come back too ^^ exactly....I hate to say it but my curiosity is up when he did text his ...'your not talking to me now' crap...kills me... lol... talk about 'what'??? So back to _wtf_... 


and moving on....


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> Yea and this is what I come back too ^^ exactly....I hate to say it but my curiosity is up when he did text his ...'your not talking to me now' crap...kills me... lol... talk about 'what'??? So back to _wtf_...
> 
> 
> and moving on....


Think of how much longer a process like that would have taken if you did the codependent schtick of making excuses for him?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Think of how much longer a process like that would have taken if you did the codependent schtick of making excuses for him?


Having a 'screw you'...non needy...non chasy...non everything...f'u...your not good enough for me...your the head case...attitude is so freeing...

...sorta fun... is that bad? :scratchhead:



heh heh heh....


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Stella Moon said:


> Having a 'screw you'...non needy...non chasy...non everything...f'u...your not good enough for me...your the head case...attitude is so freeing...
> 
> ...sorta fun... is that bad? :scratchhead:
> 
> ...


Doesn't sound bad.

Actually sounds "fun"

This place has its own sort of magic - but only for those that embrace it and take advantage of it.

Take a bow...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> keep talking to me here...I'm actually having a hard time...geez...what would I do without all of you...I really liked him...there were indeed so many positives here...I didn't even get into those...he was into me an expressed it ...then got weird...lmao...
> 
> now i'm finding I want to write him 'a email'...yanno...a wtf..type thing...he texted the other day..yesterday when i got home and said 'so whats up with everything?'...
> I told him when i tried to call him after he'd left that night at the hotel...he was so short and sour...his response was 'i was sleeping'...
> ...


^^^^ It’s a game. 

Hurt? Don't be hurt... be p!ssed. 

You have a history of staying with a very abusive man. 

My son’s father was abusive. When I left him I went to counseling for the abuse. Told them that I wanted to know why I was attracted to an abusive man so I could avoid it in the future. The counselor told me that it’s not me. Abusive people pick their partners. 

How do they do it? They start with behaviors like the ones you describe above. They are looking for a partner who has few boundaries. 

When my ex did stuff like this I wanted to be ‘nice’. So I made excuses for this nonsense. And like the slow boiled frog, I was slowly sucked in to the abusive relationship. He knew when he had to be sweet and nice. Then once my I felt safe he’d play another game. Slowly all of my boundaries were destroyed.

I’d bet my life savings that this is want happened with your husband, you were slowly sucked in until he started beating you to the point of breaking your bones. And when he broke your bones you would make excuses for him and say that you loved him.

Did you tell this new guy about how your ex was abusive to you? If you did you gave him the heads up that you a are good candidate for his little mind games.

Good for you for going dark on this guy. He suggested that you take a day off work and then when you did he walked, left to get sleep instead of spending that extra time w/you? That’s a major put down. Then when you called him ,he was cold to you? Oh… drop this guy like a bad habit. 

He’s going to try to suck you back in now.. be nice for a bit. Then play another game of disrespect on you to try to break down your self esteem and your boundaries.

Most people who are abusive could not explain their game to you. They learned it a long time ago… maybe form a parent. Or maybe it’s just what makes them feel powerful. But it’s a game. Learn to recognize it and avoid these types.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Having a 'screw you'...non needy...non chasy...non everything...f'u...your not good enough for me...your the head case...attitude is so freeing...
> 
> ...sorta fun... is that bad? :scratchhead:
> 
> ...


You are too good to be treated that way... so yea.. have that 'screw you' attitude :smthumbup:


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

See this Ele, its why, if you leave TAM I'm gonna round up a posse and come find you to drag you back.


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

*Re: Re: wtf...*



Stella Moon said:


> Having a 'screw you'...non needy...non chasy...non everything...f'u...your not good enough for me...your the head case...attitude is so freeing...
> 
> ...sorta fun... is that bad? :scratchhead:
> 
> ...


And that's why I think your awesome Stella. 

You deserve the best, anyone that doesn't measure up.. buhbye.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Northern Monkey said:


> See this Ele, its why, if you leave TAM I'm gonna round up a posse and come find you to drag you back.


Leave TAM? 

She's not leaving TAM.


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

No. We won't let her.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Northern Monkey said:


> No. We won't let her.


Why or when would 'this' have been brought up? 

Doesn't matter. 


In no way is this an option...it's just not gonna happen...

Uh... no.


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Having a 'screw you'...non needy...non chasy...non everything...f'u...your not good enough for me...your the head case...attitude is so freeing...
> 
> ...sorta fun... is that bad? :scratchhead:
> 
> ...


I love this...they don't happen very often (if ever!) For me but there's been a time or two...okay maybe just one...but it damn felt good 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Would be nice to keep him for sex though...

just sayin'... 

I know I know .... Stelllllaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


hahahahhaaaaaaa!!!!!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)




----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

hahhahahahhhahahahhaaaaaaa hahahaaaa!!!


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

I thought this guy was dropped when he told you about the tattoo.

DDay tattoo...come on. Ain't nobody got time for that!


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> ^^^^You have a history of staying with a very abusive man.
> 
> I was slowly sucked in to the abusive relationship. He knew when he had to be sweet and nice. Then once my I felt safe he’d play another game. Slowly all of my boundaries were destroyed.
> 
> ...


Thanks for saying what I was trying to get across to her but you said it much better: Were just concern because we can see a pattern.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

If you're down and confused
And you don't remember who you're talking to
Concentration slips away
Because your baby is so far away

Well there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
You gotta love the one you're with

Don't be angry, don't be sad
Don't sit crying talking good times you've had
Well there's a girl sitting right next to you
And she's just waiting for something to do

Well there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
You gotta love the one you're with


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

old timer said:


> If you're down and confused
> And you don't remember who you're talking to
> Concentration slips away
> Because your baby is so far away
> ...



OT

That would make a good song.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

At work...tired... nodding...

'help'!


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

BOO!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Northern Monkey said:


> BOO!


lol! 

I am 'so' tired dude... 

seriously...

What's worse is starting the first after 26+ years i will be on rotating shifts...meaning I will be doing days...OMG! :circle:

I'm 'not' a day person... but I needed change...I needed to get off this team...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So it's like a week of days...then training week...that can be an 8a to 8p type thing...then a week of nights...or is it two weeks of days...training week...then two of nights....yea like that..... rotating...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Thank you ambien...and fans...and dark rooms....hope this helps... I need to buy an alarm clock tho...the douchcanoe had one...it's packed up...i been using my cell...so I need to buy an alarm clock...


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

I use my cell.

I have to set two alarms 15 min apart cos i'm a sucker for trying to hit snooze and hitting dismiss instead!

I'm not very good at getting up, especially for earlies.


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Thank you ambien...


I used to work a rotating shift... I have a lot of trouble sleeping through the night... I Hate Ambien...

Have you tried Rozerem? That's one that works better and is a lot less zombifying for me, at least.


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Good Morning Stella,

I have read a few of your pages, and I am so sorry that you are in confusion and pain, and hurt and disappointment. I have been there and done all that and the great news is I survived it all. I see you are around the three month cycle of it all and I promise you, it will be like magic....one morning you wake up and it is the new normal and you begin to enjoy it. I was here from around Feb or March of 2011 after my ex-husband left me and the marriage while I was at work  He ripped my heart out and stomped on it. But I decided to ride the cycle of pain and work through it and move on. I swear it is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I love him more for leaving than I ever did while we were together. You will be fine and better than that you will be Great :O) I don't know the day, but it is coming....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

hesnothappy said:


> Good Morning Stella,
> 
> I have read a few of your pages, and I am so sorry that you are in confusion and pain, and hurt and disappointment. I have been there and done all that and the great news is I survived it all. I see you are around the three month cycle of it all and I promise you, it will be like magic....one morning you wake up and it is the new normal and you begin to enjoy it. I was here from around Feb or March of 2011 after my ex-husband left me and the marriage while I was at work  He ripped my heart out and stomped on it. But I decided to ride the cycle of pain and work through it and move on. I swear it is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I love him more for leaving than I ever did while we were together. You will be fine and better than that you will be Great :O) I don't know the day, but it is coming....


Thank you so much ...actually I'm about 8 months and doing ok (is that what you meant by the three month cycle?)...I have my moments and am trying to move on...in ways...I do pretty well in some ways I don't. We all have our own style of handling things...i deffinately have a different 'style' haha...
I am going to try and make some big life changes when I can...I thank you for your post! x0x0x


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

met a new guy friend (young guy)...from alaska...he just got done traveling back from South Africa...he was there for three months to study...language and surfing (had the thick blonde curly locks going on and the hemp necklaces/sweaters the whole 9 yards..hence the nick name I gave him rasta buoi)... and such...his flight got delayed...my best friend from Wisconsin came into town with some other girls from her work...and we stayed at a hotel by the mega mall...anyway at the end of the night we took the shuttle...met Rasta Buoi on there...it was neat to hear about his travels and see the pics...pretty cultured guy for being so young...he gave me a home made woven bracelet from peru told me the history of it's meaning etc....tied/burned onto my wrist..pretty neat...he also studied in Bolivia...but he's back in alaska now for more school before he sets out again. it was a pretty neat evening  took my mind off of a lot of crap...
movin on with movin on....it was just a really neat night...

Yea...down with being single...it apparently works for me... 

Also when my gf and I went out...we did a little dancing and met up with marshmallow and the gang...was sooo nice to see him...  

My friend headed back to wisconsin...i wish I could have went with her....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ok...thought this was some funny shxt right here... 

But hey....you know...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Good weekend, eh? Cool beans. 

I had a very nice one, too. Great Friday night - hooked up with a young gal who used to do my hair. Told her Sat AM I needed a cut, she said "don't come to me, cause I don't 'do' customers", lol. 
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Hi Stella, yea, I thought I read your posts started in February...right around the third month I was cool beans...but you are so right, everyone has their season. I rejoice knowing that it is all over...for my three months the pain of rejection was so intense...palpable 
;o( But life is so sweet now :O) I will be praying for the best for you.


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

hesnothappy said:


> Hi Stella, yea, I thought I read your posts started in February...right around the third month I was cool beans...but you are so right, everyone has their season. I rejoice knowing that it is all over...for my three months the pain of rejection was so intense...palpable
> ;o( But life is so sweet now :O) I will be praying for the best for you.


I like to think of it as the "18th mile"...

People who run marathons talk about how right around the 18th mile, your body feels completely worn out, completely exhausted you're dead tired... 

You feel like you can't possibly continue... 18 miles... that's pretty good... most people can't even do that... it'd be okay, if I just quit now and called it a day...

And it takes nothing more than a feat of iron will to break through those thoughts and continue on to the finish.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

hesnothappy said:


> Hi Stella, yea, I thought I read your posts started in February...right around the third month I was cool beans...but you are so right, everyone has their season. I rejoice knowing that it is all over...for my three months the pain of rejection was so intense...palpable
> ;o( But life is so sweet now :O) I will be praying for the best for you.


oh...I had an origional thread...deleted it...thinking about deleting this one too and starting over...when I did the other one it was before a big court hearing..i didn't want it to come up in a google search so I can see where you are coming from..  I'm glad to hear your doing well...I'm still on my roller coaster...less intense but still on it... I hate how I come back around to missing him...sucks.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ever feel just 'disconnected' from everyone or everything? I feel that way yet I shouldn't but I do. I should be thriving still on moving forward yet I'm so tired. Found myself sitting in bed last night watching tv...as I do when it's time to relax before bed and this heavy aura came about me...just thick...a realization...yea...one of those...of missing my ex...I swear I could 'feel' him...smell him...like I could just reach over...I just all of a sudden hurt so bad.. I wanted to find him and put my hands all over him...like I used too. 

I hated it. I hated that I experienced it. Wtf. It was surreal. I could feel every curve of him...on my hands...his skin...and it won't go away...'wtf is this???'.... 

I was telling my best friend about this today and she said something to me..."just remember, he doesn't 'miss you'..." 

Wow...no shxt huh...I bet he doesn't. Whatever. Besides that weird thing...I feel so disconnected lately. I'm at work and just don't want to be around anyone...don't want to hear their voice and don't want to talk to them. I'm on a different team for the night...and in a few days i'm on a new team altogether and even though I look forward to the new supervisors I'm not going to care so much for the majority of the people...I might have made an impulse decision doing this rotation schedule...but I wanted 'change' so bad..do I still go for it or switch back which I think I still can...because I know someone would 'love' to have this schedule...I'm confused...this day schedule will also allow me to get off on a thurs. and have a full fri sat sun off..to go to wisconsin...instead of off on a friday 6am...sleep half the day...then drive to wisconsin by evening...half my friday is gone...sigh...theres is a supervisor on my current team i'd like to get away from however...

being at the lake house has been hard...havent done anything to take care of the yard...dock not in the water..it's in the back yard...I don't sit on the deck..i don't 'enjoy' it...it hurts...it's like i can't 'get into it'...i'm just 'alone'...whats to enjoy? it's a sad place to me...yet I love it at the same time...does this make sense? i stay inside and look out the window...yet have a problem going out...my lawn needs to be mowed..and dog crap picked up...yard cleaned up...I love the wet smell out there yet don't want to go out there...fxcks with my head. The damn cat keeps bringing home dead things and leaving them on the deck for me...lol....ew. I hate it when he kills the baby bunnies and birds...damn cat stick to the shews and mice...time to open the crawl space so he can hunt there.. good idea.. 

I want to be in wisconsin but why does it seem so far fetched? it's like it will never happen. I feel stuck...I hate stuck. I can't leave until this appeal is over...and that won't have an answer for several weeks...in case it goes oral...I don't want the other side to be able to say..."well she's leaving the state"...yea pfftt...like he wouldn't come hunt me down if he wanted...I need the state on my side and that's all there is too it...


----------



## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Geez you sound like me right now...that disconnected feeling...everyone asks well what does it feel like...all I can say is "I don't know"....stuck...definitely stuck...and missing him....but I also missed my old dog that sh!t on the floor...but....

Why can't you go to wisconsin?????

Have more of those weekends like you just had, they sound like just what you need, I need a few of those myself...not ready yet...you're doing good girlie, keep it up, you having a bad day, remember all your good, awesome days and all the people who luv ya and respect the sh!t out of ya!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Had to go before I finished earlier...
Those weekends cost money...adds up...I also just got denied my mortgage modification...they want even 'more' money from me so instead of 'helping' me they seem to think I can 'afford' to just 'catch up'..'their' way...so now I'm back to that pressure...unreal. I was so sure they would have been able to see my hardship but they don't...?? Really? So yea...'stuck'...really stuck. I hate being at this job...the people are making me nutz...everything is just catching up to me...and I'm back to being tired all the time...I need to get back into the gym...vacation over...been gone from the gym a week. I feel out of focus...losing my...I dunno...'determined goals'...

I think this appeal thing has got my undies in a bunch...I need to let go of that of which I cannot control...it's up to the appellate judge now...either he/she will say...yes i will allow/want and oral hearing or he/she will say...'uh no...the OFP stands and enough said'....

sigh...I also heard stbxh atty. wrote a letter to the plant/whoever/access mngr extending his 'hold status'...to see how the appeal turns out...the PM however says he will still have to jump through hoops to get back in...(??) including a psyche eval...and I told him the shrink should have a copy of my affidavit etc...to explain my side for a fair shake...and the PM agreed...wether or not he does...I will get that paper work to the shrink (I have to find out who he is shouldn't be hard)... stbxh is extremely manipulative...if he comes back into this plant...he will harass me and possibly hurt me if not snap and.... 

But who knows if PM is even being honest...I don't know who to trust around here anymore...I just don't. He seemed believable and indicated he didn't want stbxh back here in so many words but also not everything falls into his hands...etc etc... blah blah blah... 
I just want this to be over... 

But yea...hate this 'out of sorts' feeling...'off'... might be because of the wisconsin guy ordeal? He sends me passive/agressive texts still...'lets go from here'...then I don't hear from him...I'm detached so whatever...I don't trust him now. He's just another moron I can't believe. blah blah.. 

Hard to be here at this job though...tedious and it shouldn't be this way...I need to change that...I need this job to get another one...I NEED to catch up on my mortgage...and grab OT...been trying to do that...
and go back to the gym...get my bearings back...
yea Wisconsin visits will never cease...but I have to be careful financially...moreso now... I can do this... I have too... I need to figure this out... 

Today I think is just a bad day...coming back to work after having so much time off...and the 'just not wanting to be here' thing...or be in this state thing...haha! 

I miss my stbxh....what we once had....when we were happy...when I believed he loved me...

The snow melted and everything is exposed...and I don't want to go outside....i need to go outside...but 'hes' there... 
I go outside in wisconsin...i'm 'free' there...there's no bondage... I can enjoy the sound of the critters and the smell...and make new memories...every day...
I can't do this at the lake house... I'm 'stuck'... 


Thanks for listening you guys.... luv you. 

_Your all appreciated. _


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some days are just bad days. Hopefully the next few weeks will be as good as today was bad. I find that this often happens.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

It happens, Stel. 

Had to answer my D petition today. 

I know this is best for she and I, didn't keep me from feeling sad about it, though. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> It happens, Stel.
> 
> Had to answer my D petition today.
> 
> ...


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Yep, signed my paperwork last week and I didnt even think sad... was more worried about the T's and I's.. next day it hit... but still it wasnt an overwhelming sadness just that ache... it is sad, thats all there is to it... I drempt of him that night just a dream doing something normal and everyday seemed so real.... I bet even in the arms of another woman he has dreams of me also. when your with someone for so long their apart of your life.. I looked at it that way.. that part is over ok so move on and let it go... its ok to say that was sad, but now what...right?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Ah my darling Stella, I swear you voice the words of so many of us in here doing this *thing*

Stuck... yup... we are all stuck..but here's the thing.. stuck can't be forever...it may feel like it..but..well....one day...you'll realize somewhere overnight you became..well..unstuck.

One step at a time and all of a sudden you are over the mountain.

*big whopping hugs from Australia my girl.
ps you are awesome...don't let anyone else let you feel differently. x


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Fxck him.

He can take all the tiime he needs...at the end of the day we are now going for more money ...and I just filled out the paper work for my last name to be changed and paid the court cost...I'm not waiting on his azz...I'm moving on...not keeping his lame azz gay last name a second fxcking longer...this divorce is being dragged on...fine...drag it...I'll drag it and as I said that's fine now because his latest antic just cost him and his own atty. told him to take our deal...he refused....alrighty then...

All I want is my last name and he can't control THAT....so...that is being filed today....not waiting on a divorce....my resume...will have 'my' last name on it...I have plans...he can keep me married...but the prik can't make me keep his last name as if I am! 

FXUUUUK THAAAAT!!!!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Stupid lame azz controlling murther fxuker ...find you in a dark alley....bxtch! 

Shxt gonna change....

And when he sees that I did this...changed my last name...'moved on'...as if he's null...he will have even less of a hold...

Shxts gonna get real...in his fxcked up head. 

Wait til he has to write "pay to the order of ....." 

He gonna bleed red...like the rest of us oh snap!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Do you use YOUR name on FB?
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Don't hold back, Stella... Tell us how you _really_ feel.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Do you use YOUR name on FB?
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. Your on there right?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Yea...OT I think your on there....

That's 'my' name on fb yes......I can't wait to have it back legally..being an officer...we go by last names ya see....so...yea...I'm about postal right now...this shxt is gonna fxcking end. Money well spent...and now we can play divorce **** around games all day long...or he can...whatever...I want my name. And I'm getting it.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Yep, I'm on there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

stbxh fired his atty. got a new one...a chick. Wonderful. Some advocate for men...troubled men or some shxt like that...so I guess she will be the one now revamping and fighting his appeal...and whatever he wants in the divorce. He wouldn't take a simple (I took a chunck of the debt just so he would go away settlement and fired his atty?? wtf...) I just am i awe...honestly...I only asked for $6100...you got to be out of your fxking mind...and to retain a new lawyer? Are you kidding me? I think he's lost his mind...someone from work thinks he has...gone loco... his parents flipping the bill etc but wtf...how in the he!!....why? Why not just settle and go away? I took on 7 grand more in debt etc..i'm drowning as it is and trying to hang onto my house...you have noooo idea.. I can't believe this is happening... 

I'm sick of this..everyone wants something from me...I can't do this...I can't please everyone... 

Went to WI this weekend it was bittersweet...I want to talk about it...but I just can't. It was bittersweet...started out sweet...then... 'gone'... I just don't get why this happens to 'me'... I'm so fed up and frustrated with everything...and everyone... I trusted...he disapeared ...got burned... I'm done. (no not the dirt biker...been done with that...long ago) 

I'm so pizzed off right now...confused. Just when I get a grip...get a handle on shxt...and gain strength and control....just when I do...i get the rug pulled out from under me...and 'slam'...I'm down...

I want to shut the world out right now... electronics/phone 'off'... I can't decide whether to go get a bottle of wine and a steak....or go to the gym...or should i do both? I can't even decide...lol... 

Who does that? In the midst of all this fires his atty. and gets another one right when we can just finish this? I am a mere woman in debt...half is his..i took on majority...w...t...f....does he WANT??????????? Sign and go away!!! 
I remember stbxh saying during his first divorce I think he fired his atty. and got a new one...but wth... 'now'? omg... 

makes me nervous yes...because clearly his new atty. is telling him shxt he wants to hear...so I must be in for something... 

I just can't do this anymore... I'm so in """awe... disbelief because....talk about shxt coming down at once....got a hand delivered thing threatening forclosure....i'm two months behind...was three...supposed to make another payment this week...but i'm supposed to make 'another payment' this week to EVERYONE! AHAHAHHAAHHA AHAHAH AHAHAAA! ..... 

OMG.... 

i give up.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> OMG....
> 
> i give up.


No you're not.

Go work out, THEN get the wine and the steak.

Check back later

.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Stella,

I'm going to be direct with you and ask you to set that old "worst case scenario" female part aside for a minute.

People fire their attorneys when they don't like what they are hearing.

Relax girl.

Stay the course.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Yep, I'm on there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


D. Duck is everywhere


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> D. Duck is everywhere


:smthumbup:


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> :smthumbup:


I do want to hook up with you boys in New Orleans.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I may not go back until Mardi Gras 2014. 

Unless Stella wants to go.

.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> I may not go back until Mardi Gras 2014.
> 
> Unless Stella wants to go.
> 
> .


That's some live bait....


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella, 

As much as you feel like giving up we all know you’re not going to.... you’re a fighter.. But your certainly allowed to have a week moment and let your hurt and confusion out.... As you know this is a good place to do it.... I don’t think you’re really asking for answers because you know that we don’t know the mind of your stbxh... What we do know is that he's half a man right? He was abusive, lets his parents take care of his messes. So it’s hardly surprising to think of him throwing a little tantrum about something..... and firing the lawyer....

As far as your relationship; that’s why I was worried about you getting in them in the first place. Your heart and mind needs time to heal. A new relationship as good as it is for the ego at first, doesn’t actually help you deal with the scares of the leaking arteries to your heart that have been inflicted on you.. You can liken it to someone that needs major heart surgery to fix those leaking valves and arteries but instead you are just putting a Band-Aid on the leaking artery for now.. That Band-Aid is not going to hold off the leak of that artery for very long and God forbid it gets ripped off, then you have a gusher..
I understand the need to “medicate” and make the pain less. But in this instance, statistics show it hurts more than it helps. I’m so tempted myself, even just the little complement’s I get are like a healing balm to my battered soul. So when you have someone that seems so interested its actually painful to turn that away because everything in me is crying out that I need it. I just keep trying to remember that it’s a an illusion right now.. There is no quick fix to my heart, and if the guy is really the one, he will be there for me when I’m ready also.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> No you're not.
> 
> Go work out, THEN get the wine and the steak.
> 
> ...


I did exactly this...I worked out hard too...
came home cooked up a steak...shrooms, onion, tomato,...had some wine...watched tv...sulked a bit...but I did go work out..
Thank you...cos this post made me go...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Stella,
> 
> I'm going to be direct with you and ask you to set that old "worst case scenario" female part aside for a minute.
> 
> ...



It's just a mind fxck cos clearly now some chick atty. is telling him what he 'wants to hear' then! And what could that be? What does he want from me? What is he going to go after? lmao...sigh...I'm just so frustrated...
My guess is that she's thinking she can win the appeal...oh I dunno and that he will have to pay me even less money? Yanno...I guess it is what it is...if some judge in the court of Appellate's wants to turn over the OFP (Restraining order) based on a timeline issue (not the findings of abuse those are concrete) ....what am I to do? It gets turned over it gets turned over....then he can start contacting me...maybe the plant will let him back in...? Gawd.... 

Sorta doubt the latter though conrad...they have this back ground check integrity thing at nuk plants especially when weapons are involved etc etc....but stbxh 'daddy' has worked there 30 yrs...(good ole boys etc etc) blah blah blah... stbxh hasn't been 'charged' with anything...and won't be...but the 'findings are fact' hence the OFP is in place...etc... but if over turned...the plant might see it as 'it never happened' ....?? no way...it states in the OFP....'slamed to the ground' 'choked' 'hit' etc etc... 

You see he's not terminated...he's on a 'hold' status...pending this appeal 'then' they decide...

sigh... sorry venting thinking out loud... 
as for the divorce side of it... I'm broke...this whole thing broke me...it is what it is...

anyway...thank you... all of you...yes I am panicking...and trying to get into 'his' mindset a bit...cos you'd think he'd want to just be done...?? he had and opportunity to be done! ...and walk... 

yanno...why wouldn't he just do that? floors me...he wanted this divorce so bad..he can still divorce me for a measly 6 grand...i take still more debt...he walks...and still go fight his appeal...but 'divorce me'.... unreal conrad...unfcking real dude... my atty. was floored....his atty. was floored...and got fired...wow. 

off the soap box now. :scratchhead::scratchhead:


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

You wanna go to New Orleans?

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Stella,
> 
> As much as you feel like giving up we all know you’re not going to.... you’re a fighter.. But your certainly allowed to have a week moment and let your hurt and confusion out.... As you know this is a good place to do it.... I don’t think you’re really asking for answers because you know that we don’t know the mind of your stbxh... What we do know is that he's half a man right? He was abusive, lets his parents take care of his messes. So it’s hardly surprising to think of him throwing a little tantrum about something..... and firing the lawyer....
> 
> ...


I'm love it when you write me... ;') 

I feel ready though...I want more out there...I want to move on...I want a special someone...I've been going solo since last november...I've had the two lovers...kept them as such...tried the dirt biker...he got 'weird'...had to go...long distance is tough but I don't want anyone from Mn...so 'that' alone is tough...then there was someone I thought 'wow'...because we started out really friendly...got to know each other...on the net though...but from Wi. We met...and it was awesome...connection...happiness... I call him Irish. (Sex didn't happen, not for the lack of trying tho, he had been drinking but not that much so I dunno...he wanted it...so I don't know what the 'issue' was...but i didn't care...we did do other things...)
...we just hit it off...he was happy...i was happy...and I could tell by the way he was with me...how he handled me (hands on me) looked at me, kissed me...he was really into how beautiful my body was etc...blah blah 
etc...ok blah blah blah....point is he showed he was really attracted to me...looked into my eyes...yadda yadda...he would pick me up...(big strong guy) and I would wrap around him and he would carry me...and kiss me...put me up against a wall or just hold me that way... explaining this because my point is...there was indeed a connection...it was there...
So he left that night....early morning whatever...'then'...before he went to go play football...he came by my room to spend another hour with me...and again...same intimate connection...(no sex) but his hands all over me...looking at me...kissing me...just bear hugging me...he left indicating he would be seeing me later...that night... 
We never talked about each others back stories...we just didn't go there.. yet. I know he was married and got a divorce. No kids. He's 33. Great job..owns a house...plays football/rugby/volleyball
The next night he was supposed to meet us out again...no call no show...no contact...he just disappeared. 

he was to go to this thing with his teams at 7...and meet us out after...

I spent the day...doing my thing...walked the dogs at the park...high as hell..happy...excited... 

I texted him a few times that night as my friends and i were out...asking if he was coming no answer...of course...asked why...asked him to at least come by the room and tell me why...or whats up..no answer
I called him 'once'...didn't leave a message
he never ever responded to me... 
I never contacted him after that...never heard from him... 

his fb doesn't indicate he is with anyone...as in he's single...he did meet me out in his stomping grounds...however his friends weren't there...we were with mine...so I don't think he's with anyone...but I guess you never know...but it's not the impression I got... at all.. but wtf.. another guy friend of mine thinks it's a dxick issue...haha...again 'no idea'... 

He's still on my fb...didn't delete me or anything...but I'm 'not' going to make the first move even though i want to know WTF! wtf was 'that' all about? The disappearing act? Sooo into me...and gone? Talking to me for two months...we meet...connect...'hit it off'...have a great night...'see you later tonight'....and 'gone'....

are you kidding me? Yanno...I am a smart girl...some books I wrote...'playa'...yanno... got that...ok...not dum here... I know the difference between 'nice guys'.. yanno potentials ...and playa/lovers...etc... 

this guy...was one I thought I could have a relationship with...or move on or try out or you know....that thing'.... he didn't portray himself to be all about 'sex'...or even talk or play me in that area...out of control like with 'oooh send nasty pics etc''...point is... he was 'nice'.... decent. 

ppfffttt.... so I don't get what happened. I done got dist...burned...stood up... faced! Holy shxt... and bad....because I liked this guy... Irish... 

...aaaand guys????? What do I do about it now????? 

I go 'dark' right???? Stay dark? NC....right? Don't contact him ...don't chase....don't ask why...don't text.... blah blah...correct? 

Well i haven't.... only that night...of course...as i was being stood up... again...after that... I haven't contacted him... 

it was amazing though... baffles me you guys...because 'i know' he liked me... he came back that next morning to see me b4 football... the guy liked me... so i don't know what happened.. 

mind fxck.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Well I would say, you had a lucky escape. sounds like another guy not mature enough to have a "honest conversation". dont just do NC.. be thankful.. and stay away.


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Stella, it sounds like your picker is still broke. Maybe the best possible reason to just chill ya know?

I'm worried for you with this new person stress you are putting yourself under.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Stella-
I love it when you vent. I feel you express the raw emotion that many of us feel but don't say.

Here's my take FWIW:

It sounds like you expected a resolution soon to the whole ordeal and now he's switched lawyers and this just prolongs the process. You're micro-analyzing his motives, the possible fall-out, etc. It's a continuation of limbo for you and I know it's hell. As soon as that's done, I think you will feel a huge weight off your shoulders. I know I did when our custody agreement was finalized. It was all-consuming even to just prior to signing and then an acceptance and relief. Now I knew what I was dealing with and could move forward accordingly. The uncertainty is holding you back. And it may continue until resolution but please know that this will be over for you at some point.

In terms of relationships, I read in the "Rebuilding" book that we (the BSs) will go through several relationships after D before finding "the one" that will provide us some piece of the healing process. I find this idea absolutely repellent because who wants to go through ANY drama/angst again after this? But apparently it is what it is.

In terms of your guy "disappearing", been there, done that in a prior life. Great dates, conversation, physical connection - and then POOF! You can't dissect every detail as to what happened - it will drive you crazy and you'll never really know, accept that it's not meant to be, learn, and move on.

Also, focus on YOU. What is your plan? What steps are you taking to achieve that? I can't tell what your end game goal is here (and maybe you're still trying to find that out yourself). However, I am hearing from you a lot about what he's doing, possibly feeling, etc. Determine it and focus accordingly. And I know it's tough when you are still in "limbo".

Know that you will get there and also know that it sucks in the meantime but this won't last forever. Stay strong!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

So...you wanna go to NOLA or not?
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> So...you wanna go to NOLA or not?
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I looked up "The Subtle Approach" in Wikipedia

Damned if they didn't have a picture of Donald Duck as an illustration.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I am the sly one, aren't I, Conrad?

.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

ok...
Gosh...did I mention how much I love you guys n gals? I vent and get frustrated...I do...right now my head is spinning but I did decide to continue on of course...

I handed in all my 'stuff' to have my atty. help build me a resume'...got a call today from a friend keeping an eye out for me for a job in Wisconsin...they are going to post...I'm going to submitt and hopfully on time. I wanted to wait for a name change and after the OFP apeal..
Guess what...the OFP appeal date is July 24th...found that out today...so...there it is...my atty...and stbxh 'new atty' will speak to the judge in courst as to why the order (restraining order) should stay in place and not be lifted due to some 'timeline' issue. 
My atty. and stbxh old atty. spoke today and he said that old atty got fired because stbxh said he wasn't happy how divorce was going and how that there should have been 'defense evidence' for stbxh to help him defend him against the abuse case...his atty. said...'but there wasn't any 'insert stbxh name here'...you didn't provide 'any' evidence to help your case...you didn't even take the stand to defend yourself'....'your choice'.... etc etc... so in essence...per the norm it's everyone elses fault...stbxh doesn't take any responsibility for how divorce is going (great settlement offers from me he denies/lost to OFP) so 'get rid of' atty... marriage suxcks...'get rid of wife'....(your right of course conrad he didn't like what he was hearing etc) 

but yea...july 24th the court of appelliates...downtown...st. paul...the 'big' hearing....ugh! Good change stbxh...will be there and his fxcking parents also... ....can I bring my bat just to have something to hold onto? Yanno...just to have something to 'play with' during the hearing? Give my hands something to do? haha...pppffftt...I know ya'll gonna say 'no'... 
I'm still waiting on hearing from the courts on a name change date...can't wait for that... 
and now I'm going to try and submitt a resume to get a job in Wisconsin...but the timing seems 'off'...but it's not 'posted' yet...but resume is getting built...so maybe things will fall into place...so 'what the hell'...right? I'm going for it. What's the worse that can happen? 
I want this right? move out of mn... and to wisconsin..only way that's going to happen is to get a job... well...this is how to do it... first step is a fxcking doosey.. 

as for the relationship thing...yea...got burned...ouch...no idea why...and yea...I think about it and wonder... wtf... and just like 'almost' anyone else... I'd like to have a special someone...and I really liked him...wanted to persue it...
it's NC...haven't contacted him...nor will I...i've gotten pretty good at the 'dark' thing... heh... skilz.. but it hurt...saddens me... 

been heavy at the gym...been going...got some nice bicepts...and tight tummy...need a better tummy though...need to cut some more weight...at least 6 to 8 lbs...goal...to much hips...want to be tighter...going to go for it...got a compliment the other night in wausau...from another lifter at the bar...he noticed my arms...that was a pretty cool feeling...when someone 'sees' you work out...but i need to work off these jager bombs... 

ok...about this New Orleans thing...what is up with this? trip? never been there? whats the deal? when? sup with that? whos going? and how much is 'this' gonna cost me? haha... and how about you guys just meet me is wisconsin or just swing by mpls? wtf?
no? >~ 'I dare you'....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

a lot of friggin typos....what the he!!...


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Been a minute since I've been to MN. 

It's ok, but I really, really prefer WI. I've had some big times there, mainly in the Fox Valley. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Been a minute since I've been to MN.
> 
> It's ok, but I really, really prefer WI. I've had some big times there, mainly in the Fox Valley.
> 
> ...


Now I'm disappointed OT....

Anywhere Stella currently is would be "Fox Valley", no?

C'mon dude, up your game.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Now I'm disappointed OT....
> 
> Anywhere Stella currently is would be "Fox Valley", no?
> 
> C'mon dude, up your game.


_Wow..._

Conrad...you sober dude? 

I'm laughing so hard right now "i'm" getting laughed at...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Been a minute since I've been to MN.
> 
> It's ok, but I really, really prefer WI. I've had some big times there, mainly in the Fox Valley.
> 
> ...


Well...clearly you know I drink *cough... go there.. so .. gather everyone up...marti gra in wausau.....HAHHAAA! :smthumbup:


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Meet you at the Dells?

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Meet you at the Dells?
> 
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Well it's Wisconsin...haha!


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

It's moving to watch this budding romance. Old Timer, God love you, man. This is like a Nicolas Sparks book. Dark, mysterious stranger shows up in a small town in Minnesota. Stella, currently working at the local diner, has come off a terrible marriage, so she's been raising her young daughter all alone....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> It's moving to watch this budding romance. Old Timer, God love you, man. This is like a Nicolas Sparks book. Dark, mysterious stranger shows up in a small town in Minnesota. Stella, currently working at the local diner, has come off a terrible marriage, so she's been raising her young daughter all alone....


pppfffttt.... ya... 


no. 

no budding nothing...lmao. no. knock it off bw. 

luv ot....but um.... you must of missed it somewhere when I said... 'i like 'em young'.... of offense ot... haha! ....and I mean 'young'... 

so scene changes to a young hot sweaty mechanic with 8pk abs walking into the diner, he sees me and kisses me passionately... and 'i quit'.... yeap...


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Sorry

How about the Cabana boy at a pool in St Lucia?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ugh...

I hate when I can't get someone out of my head... Wtf...
No idea how to get thru this...I mean yea...get over it....but damn....hate not having explanations... Heart heavy on this one...blind sided doesn't go well with me...didn't see it coming... Pizzes me the fxck off... 

Been too busy for the gym...doesn't help...had an awesome weekend with my kids then it was back to work. So I haven't been there in a few... 
I hate that floored feeling.... Caught off guard...makin me crazy....then I see pics of him in fb newsfeed....kill me now....

Stayed... and stayin dark....drawn to contact because I wanna know 'why'.... But not going too...but damn. 

Everything else in my world is the same save for my dock...so here we go....the first of the big change in my life....my beautiful big dock....is being sold....it will be gone thursday...my atty buying it...money going to the firm....nice thing is....the following week or so he will put his dock in...as a replacement....so my home won't be without a dock...at least. 
Boat hasn't sold yet...needs too...
Appeliate court still july 24th...work been ok...picked up an extra shift this week... 
My atty. looked over paper work for polishing my resume...soon as that's done...I'm sending it even tho positions aren't posted 'yet'...nervous and sick as hell...

Need to 'win' this appelliate.... 
Also still waiting on the name change date...gosh that can't happen fast enough....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So yea...

There was a married couple that worked here...pipe fitters...
She left him to go stay at a hotel and told him she wanted a divorce...
she went back to the house to get something... 

He shot and killed her in the garage....then he had a discussion with his friend...then the cops...then he killed himself.... 

I'm so sad right now... and baffled... they have a 14yr old son... 

At this point...even if stbxh gets that OFP over turned...I don't think this company is going to let him walk back in the door and hand him a gun belt.


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Wow, Stella, everyone's nightmare, a crazy X working in the same place, with a firearm.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

so much shxt going on...
melancholy...dude i was crushin' on was just seen out at a concert in wisconsin with another girl... touche'... so i no longer have to 'wonder why'... ok... 

sigh... 

dock leaving tomorrow...big deal for me.. i'm at work working OT...eating like crap... tired..bummed out... 
you know me..I will take a day or two...then I will 'bounce'...but i best 'bounce' soon... 
fxkin hate men. never ever have i ever had this game ****...til this late in life... wtf... lmao... 
'bounce stella'...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

You have to work on taming what happens in that skull of yours because the mind,
the heart, and the body are connected. If you are hungry, you easily get pissed. If you
see something that reminds you of pain, you become embittered. And if you fill your head
with worry, it'll release adrenalin that will keep you up at night ...save for the nyctophilia in me
(the love of darkness or night... finding relaxation and comfort in it.) 
I am a different breed of woman this I know... 'ah'... but I like that about myself. No one gets to define me...but me...one of my strong attributes. Was told the other day, "Stella you are 'crazy motivated'... And I said, "Yea, I got some crazy"... 
Truth: ''We all'' got some crazy within us...but if you can't admit this to yourself...then you are either in denial ...or your doing something wrong.
'noh'


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Bounce, Stella.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Tattoo cover up scheduled for july 8th ...
stbxh name will be no longer... 

checkmate.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Last name change court date scheduled for August 13th.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

and she cries *Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedooooom* Go Miss Stella!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

4th of July...

My 3rd year wedding anniversary. 

Three years ago today we were in Vegas getting ready to be married on lake Los Vegas on a gondola boat....right before the fireworks...then the next night he beat the crap out of me short of needing an ambulance in the hotel suite...

First year anniversary he had one of his fits leaving me to spend it alone...not to have a first anniversary at all...never making up for it...

Now... 

Whatever dude...

Fxck you. ...and the gondola boat you married me on...and all your antics with it. And your parents who created the very monster you are. 

Don't 'ever' let me catch you in a dark alley 'now' mutherfxker...I'm 'not' ....the same woman. I will break your elbows and take out your knees with a bat....then pull your spine out thru your teeth...slowly...and feed it to the wolves.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> 4th of July...
> 
> My 3rd year wedding anniversary.
> 
> ...


Stella-

Be thankful you're out of that nightmare. Have a good 4th weekend!

Soca


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> 4th of July...
> 
> My 3rd year wedding anniversary.
> 
> ...


You should send him a big bouquet of flowers... red, white and blue... for your independence. He gave you your independence when he walked out on you. Sounds like something to let him know you are celebrating.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

You were married three years too long

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

He's lower than whaleshyt.

No looking back now Stella.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

no...deffinately no looking back now... 


no. 

by the way guys... I submitted my application and resume' in wisconsin... don't know if I will get a bite...but I did it...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> no...deffinately no looking back now...
> 
> 
> no.
> ...


Good for you!!! Hopefully this will pan out and it turns into a job that you love.

Your children live where you live now, right? Will you be ok that far from them?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Good for you!!! Hopefully this will pan out and it turns into a job that you love.
> 
> Your children live where you live now, right? Will you be ok that far from them?


Yea...they are here but are fine with me leaving. I don't see them all too often and would always come visit...and meet halfway for a fun weekend at their dads house on the river that would be in between. I'm really close to my son...so that will be hard...really hard thinking about it...but I will get behind the wheel in a beat. 

I want this to workout...it would indeed be bittersweet...but who knows if it will.or if they will even bite...closing date isn't til 22nd...
The waiting begins....there's also a prison outside of town I could try....gonna just stick with this for now...still got to fight appeal and name change date...divorce crap...but hey...if the bite...

This divorce thing ruined my credit now tho...had to have clean credit to get into the plant...dunno if this will matter...scares me a bit...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Yea...they are here but are fine with me leaving. I don't see them all too often and would always come visit...and meet halfway for a fun weekend at their dads house on the river that would be in between. I'm really close to my son...so that will be hard...really hard thinking about it...but I will get behind the wheel in a beat.
> 
> I want this to workout...it would indeed be bittersweet...but who knows if it will.or if they will even bite...closing date isn't til 22nd...
> The waiting begins....there's also a prison outside of town I could try....gonna just stick with this for now...still got to fight appeal and name change date...divorce crap...but hey...if the bite...
> ...


I'm surprised you have to go to court for a name change, especially since it's associated with your divorce. Here's it's just one paragraph in the divorce. Just seems odd to waste all that time and money on something that is routine paperwork.


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> Yea...they are here but are fine with me leaving. I don't see them all too often and would always come visit...and meet halfway for a fun weekend at their dads house on the river that would be in between. I'm really close to my son...so that will be hard...really hard thinking about it...but I will get behind the wheel in a beat.
> 
> I want this to workout...it would indeed be bittersweet...but who knows if it will.or if they will even bite...closing date isn't til 22nd...
> The waiting begins....there's also a prison outside of town I could try....gonna just stick with this for now...still got to fight appeal and name change date...divorce crap...but hey...if the bite...
> ...


Hey Stella if you are looking for prison jobs what kind of work do you do? I work in the "security" so I know a crap ton of people in the corrections/prison world I could keep an eye out for you. In Washington we have a few prisons that are pretty steady on hiring. Just wanted to throw the offer out. I can only wish you good luck on your job prospect and a happier life than your past 3 years has been. So sorry you had to go through that I know that is cold comfort but my hopes are with you.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

CEL said:


> Hey Stella if you are looking for prison jobs what kind of work do you do? I work in the "security" so I know a crap ton of people in the corrections/prison world I could keep an eye out for you. In Washington we have a few prisons that are pretty steady on hiring. Just wanted to throw the offer out. I can only wish you good luck on your job prospect and a happier life than your past 3 years has been. So sorry you had to go through that I know that is cold comfort but my hopes are with you.


I have a job...right now I'm in nuclear security. I'm just looking to relocate to an area in Wisconsin...that's the only area I want to go. But thank you so much for the offer   They have jails there/prisons...so I'm checking into them...I'm over qualified for them but that doesn't mean they will bite. I was also told there's a nuk plant out by where I want to live but I haven't checked into that. 
I have a few more weeks of dealing with some things here before I go full boar on wanting out.. but I did submit a resume' and app. to a place that is seeking...just to see what happens... 

very nice to meet you by the way...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I'm surprised you have to go to court for a name change, especially since it's associated with your divorce. Here's it's just one paragraph in the divorce. Just seems odd to waste all that time and money on something that is routine paperwork.


It 'is' free in a divorce...I thought you knew I was doing this anyway... I don't know how much longer the dooooshbag is dragging this out...I 'refuse' to be held onto by his damn last name. If he doesn't sign and settle by Aug. 13th...I have a court date set up to see a judge to get my last name back. I'm 'not' going on with his last name a day more. He can drag this crap on forever and i'm not having it. It was 'worth' the $350 to me. Every penny I don't have. haha! This isn't associated with my divorce persay...'if' i'm not divorced or on my way to divorce by Aug. 13th...which I doubt i will be...I will have 'my' last name back Irreguardless. 

Name change is free and happens in a divorce here too...however again...in my profession we are called by our last names...'enough' of being called by 'his'...even my Lt's cringe and 'some' say my first name but that's just weird and unprofessional but they are doing it as a courtesy. I am also trying to seek employment elsewhere...I 'want' 'my' last name... 

oh and why am i ranting? This is why:

My atty. called stbx ex-atty. before stbx fired him...and asked for a 'insert whatever it's called here'....basically it's a divorce 'but' you could still continue to work out the property and debt etc etc... and I could get my last name... following me? in other words...I could be DIVORCED RIGHT NOW...have my last name and we could still be doing all this bs about debt and property... 
and yanno what... STBXH REFUSED.... yea... he had to 'agree' to it.. 
stupid fxker had to 'agree' to it... he wanted this divorce so fxking bad...and 'now' won't give it up... 

so you see... he now knows I want it... want my last name...and is dragging it out... 

so....uh.. no. 

'i'..... have paid and filed myself...and am going on my own...to get back my last name... so it will be a funny thing.. (funnier thing is that the judge I ended up getting is our 'divorce' judge 'if' we do go to trial and not settle) HA! 

his uterine bxtch chick atty. (she's mean) can then address me by 'my' last name..and 'he' can see I did it without him...paid the money...moved on and he didn't 'control me' in the long run after all regarding something i wanted. 

Today...at noon...I will be in a chair...getting my tatoo covered of his name... it will be a process... it's a big beautiful tattoo...but nonetheless...one of the things on my list that will be checked off..


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

...by the way I throw this out there every so often...

if any of you want to add me on facebook and know me in real life...
PM me an I will give you my real name.  

Got a date with some heavy needle'age ....chow for now...


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Tattoo gone then name gone. Sounds good.


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

You getting a cover if the tattoo? What you getting in its place? Pics please? I show mine if you show your


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

CEL said:


> You getting a cover if the tattoo? What you getting in its place? Pics please? I show mine if you show your


this tat goes from my right arm to my back across my ribs to my waist...to my belly...

when it's done i will indeed post pics...before and after...

it will be awhile...next session is the 20th...


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> this tat goes from my right arm to my back across my ribs to my waist...to my belly...
> 
> when it's done i will indeed post pics...before and after...
> 
> it will be awhile...next session is the 20th...


DAMN how many hours? My back was about 45 to 50 hours.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

My tattoo will be a process..many hours...it's large. It's coming along though...gorgeous...


Well guys...that court of appeals date is this coming wed. When the attys. go to court because he wants the restraining order lifted...my understanding is it's a panel of judges...I think.. also you don't get an answer right away...that sucks...more waiting... 

oh and he got a motorcycle...must be nice...while i drown in debt...boat didn't sell... i just gave the damn thing back...voluntary repo...missing the payments just made it worse for me...so i signed it over...done. I have enough crap to do...it's more important to me to get this tat done...cover his name...and work on other things.. 

I've been keeping busy...stayed home this weekend..didn't hit wisconsin...also working as much OT as I can get...getting lake-house chores done... and spending some time here and there with 'friends'... 

nothing from putting my resume' out...ugh...still have time...hope too... this week... would be choice...otherwise i have another option to apply for dunno if they are hiring... but going to keep plugging along..with that goal... 

I haven't been on here much at all...I hope everyone is ok..I need to buckle down and come read/visit... I am on facebook for the most part...always found there...
but will do better to check in here... I see a lot of newbies... 

name change date...aug.13th...big day...man....big deal to me.. 

oh and i refused to do mediation....was told i did my court appt. mediation...I don't have to do more than that.. I refused. I just don't give a sh*t fuxkin stick anymore...
all of a sudden he fires his atty...hires another one and wants to hurry me along with stuff...and also re-evalu my property? Well you can do that but it will be on 'my' timeline now...and 'now'... i'm in no hurry... i'm busy working rotating shifts... it's about 'my schedule' now...and i refused to be rushed and pushed around... 

I will be divorcing his mutherfxin [email protected]@ with 'my new' last name... and not his... so he can take a damn seat...back seat that is...


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Stella, will you post pics of your tattoo?

I was planning on getting one last summer, but I employed a designer to help me with it and I was not pleased with the results, so my tattoo is on hold until I get a new designer/artist.

Hope you're well. Cheering for your name reclaiming!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Well today is a big day...the attys. fight in the court of appellate to see if the OFP (restraining order) stays. Their side says the judge shouldn't have signed it because of a timeline issue...our side says yes she should have signed it because it was met and more...the abuse etc...

So...the attys. speak to a panel (i believe) of judges today...then they decide...i think they have 30 days to decide and then they write back their decision...I don't think they decide right there and then...but they could... 
I'm going to watch...although we...us defendants don't 'have' to be there... I hope 'he and his parents' don't go. I don't want to see him.. I just don't want to deal with that.. don't want to lay eyes on him.. not at all... 
my stomach is sick... literally 'sick'... ugh... 
if the order sticks it will be the remainder of the two years... good... if not it's lifted... 
I am so stressed right now i can hardly type...shaking...that and i'm loaded with coffee... 
ugh... 

sigh.... hate this... got to get through this... 

need to win this...this is very important to me... 'very'....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh gee, this is a tough day for you isn't it? I hope they keep it in place. But you never know. If I've learned one thing about our court system it's that they often do things that make no sense. Protecting people is the last thing on their mind... dotting the i's and crossing the t's are far more important.

If it's lifted, I'd got get a VAR to have with you. Something as evidence if he comes around you.

Good look. My thoughts are with you on this one.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Good luck Stells!


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Good luck, Ill be thinking of you!!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm wearing pantyhose and stupid shoes...I told my atty. that if I'm wearing friggin pantyhose and these stupid damn uncomfortable femy girly shoes we better win this suxcker.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I want my composite toe boots dammit...haha


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Thank you guys...
Hey where's the like button in your boxes? I don't see it...wtf...


----------



## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Good luck!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

moxy said:


> Stella, will you post pics of your tattoo?
> 
> I was planning on getting one last summer, but I employed a designer to help me with it and I was not pleased with the results, so my tattoo is on hold until I get a new designer/artist.
> 
> Hope you're well. Cheering for your name reclaiming!


Yes of course...when's it's completely done..I will do before and after pics when I'm ready...it will be awhile tho...it's. process...and big.  still have more to do...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Now the like button is back...what the....

I'm losing it....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I need tequila ...and a youngin....


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Good Luck with the restraining order, Stella.



Stella Moon said:


> I'm wearing pantyhose and stupid shoes...I told my atty. that if I'm wearing friggin pantyhose and these stupid damn uncomfortable femy girly shoes we better win this suxcker.


This post is useless without pictures.



Stella Moon said:


> I want my composite toe boots dammit...haha


Hah! My work shoes are a pair of big, clompy Doc Martins with extra thick (anti-high-voltage) soles and safety toes... I like to call them my "stompin' shoes".



I would have been awesome to wear your stompin' boots to court. :smthumbup:


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

When I go to one of my childrens school events etc I get what I call tunnel vision I don't look around so I don't see the ex- and if by chance I do I quickly avert my eyes-ughhh Yeah seeing an ex is enough to make to make you puke worse than being being on a weekend bender.
I'm really hoping for the best outcome for you-by all means let us know what happens.


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

You will get through this the scum bag will not win. Besides if you had those composite boots on you would be tempted to burst his balls "not like he has decent one but even those little raisin-nuts that he has can pop like a balloon if hit hard enough ". We may not be there in person but that does not mean we do not have your back. Hoping for you.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Waiting to hear how the hearing went Stella.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So I walk by this door way and look to my right and he's right there scrolling through his phone ...looks up...I froze a second...then moved out of his view...
he was wearing a slick pin stripped suit...and had his glasses on...rarely wore those...then they left said room to give it up for me and my atty. to take over...when he walked out i seen a side view of him...and then the back...never laid eyes on him again. 
in the court room was a three panel judges...white dude...lady...black dude.....I sat on the left...then the isle...wall...then his side...wall...partial wall...so we couldnt see each other... 
Their side gets to go first since 'they have the burden of proof'...now they have this thing about a timeline issue...saying I'm not in danger since the last incident of abuse was 8 months...then OFP issue...blah blah is their idea...ok...not true...that was the last 'incident' written in the affidavit...the 'assaults' were a way of life...that was made clear...'shxt happened' daily...pushing shoving choking...verbal...etc etc...they tried saying i shouldn't 'be in fear'...etc...
the head judge dude...started in on stbxh atty...wanting him to state the statute of abuse...he couldn't do it...fumbled around and had to look it up...didnt look good...the black dude was also questioning stbxh atty...
point is...without having to go through writing this all out...two out of three judges have to agree...
and in no way...it would be a miracle...are these judges going to lift that OFP...on a timeline issue...not according to the line of questioning I seen these judges give their atty... 
now...weird things can happen...i'm always a skeptic...minds have been blown before...i'll believe it when i see it... etc etc... i like things 'secure'.... right. 

These judges have 90 days to give back a written answer to us...we don't beieve it will take 90 days however that's the timeline... 
My atty. went up there and was awesome...I seriously do have a kick ass atty... I really do.. he had 15 min..to state his case...he took 8...and judges had only one question... he was that thorough and matter of fact... 
then 'they' countered and ended again...they got to have more time because they are the appeliate...they did try to make some points and did bring some stuff up and twisted it and it angered me to no end... you have 'no fxcking idea' how hard it was not to jump up and go off.... i swear to gawd my lip was bleeding...i was livid at a few things... twisting shxt mutherxfcker... pissed me off... 

then it was over....i stayed put...behind my wall...atty. said they walked out...my atty. followed...
had words with his atty.. 
now stbxh...has co attys.. some chick and this dude... so his 'dude' atty. showed up for the appeal... nice little dream team...but i don't think they have a chance in he!! 
anyway...
my atty. made it clear to his....were no longer doing anymore mediation..meetings or the like...they can come back with a settlement offer after 'another one of his property value' peeople come over to value my property 'yet again'... 
or trial... 

were done fxking around... 

also... this monday.. i will be moving some if not most/all non martial property out...and to my attys. office for douchcanoe to pick up.. 

it's time.. and i'm ok with that.. i'm ready.. 

however.. i will not be givin up the storage key... nope... uh no. nor giving everything hee wants on that list... 

cos uh... some of it is...well.... you know... heh... 

but yea.. 

so after the hearing my atty. and i went back in the room and i got a little emotional and shaky...that was unexpected...it was just cos of hearing some of the stuff again... yanno... 

but when i seen him... my heart did not get heavy...it did not drop...i did not 'feel'....or long...
that was weierd... i mean on occasion i still do... even cry...or weep...

but when i did have my glance at him... i 'didn't break'...or...ache... 

i felt anger... and really did....honestly....even told my lawyer... 

"i wish i had my bat...even the score...'that' would be a good day in court"....


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Home run time a good metal bat and 2 minutes alone. Now that is therapy! Hope that does not get me banned. Really it is a joke okay somedays it's a joke guys who abuse women....well it is worth a ban I guess.


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

The assaults were a way of life -wow what a defense I'm sure the judges were impressed-what a "man".
Glad to hear you are getting in check on your feelings towards this guy but oh yeah the anger-as an interesting tidbit the other day one of my "matches" on a dating site was none other than the exes attorney blahhhh yuckkkk-I don't know whats worse seeing the ex or her attorney:scratchhead:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

'Noh' ...I've been talking about taking a bat to him forever... Knee caps and elbows...even the score... I do have an aluminum bat and bust shxt up for therapy..old stuff that needs to be hauled. Otherwise it's kept in my rig for those hot days if i see a dog or kids locked in a car...or whatever a need may be...you never know if you need to whale on something....haha  
The release is amazing...I used to box...but hands are more delicate...so the bat is like my tool. 

I hope the judges give their decision soon and in my favor...want this part over...
Next court date...aug. 13th...last name change....
Big deal for me....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> 'Noh' ...I've been talking about taking a bat to him forever... Knee caps and elbows...even the score... I do have an aluminum bat and bust shxt up for therapy..old stuff that needs to be hauled. Otherwise it's kept in my rig for those hot days if i see a dog or kids locked in a car...or whatever a need may be...you never know if you need to whale on something....haha
> The release is amazing...I used to box...but hands are more delicate...so the bat is like my tool.
> 
> I hope the judges give their decision soon and in my favor...want this part over...
> ...


When I left my son's father I remodeled the house. Took out solid plaster walls with a sledge hammer. Boy was that therapeutic!!!.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> When I left my son's father I remodeled the house. Took out solid plaster walls with a sledge hammer. Boy was that therapeutic!!!.


I think thee choice job for me would be construction/demolition...
:smthumbup:

I'd love it...I mean eventually it would no doubt take it's toll...hard labor...but yea...might be ok for a bit...haha.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella, You are in my prayers.I hope all teh legal things get sorted out soon and you find the peace of your mind back.And then , will be the beginning of an indepedent,peaceful and content life without any abuse and devoid of pain and sadness.Like a phoenix..to be reborn again....take care


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

just waking up...worked the last four nights...having my second cup of coffee then i need to shower and start this...moving some of his crap out of here process...there's going to be gaps in my little lake house...then later..bigger gaps of where stuff should be...I don't want to replace the gaps with stuff because i'm hoping to 'move out of here' to Wisconsin...and it's less stuff to move and yet...this place will look 'uneven'...and weird...sigh.. I dunno... I'm ready...well I think i'm ready... last night at work I did break down talking about this process with a girlfriend... and doing some 'reading into it' heavy thinking... you know one of those 'whys' and 'wtf's'....type things... I just don't feel as movitvated as I should...perhaps a shower will help. I want to feel my anger... I want to be angry...I don't feel 'angry' at the moment... I don't know what it is....'sad'? Bummed'...sense of loss... mixed with a fxck you azzhole...
I don't like 'gaps'... and I'm not just 'giving all his stuff back' ...yet...without that settlement check...just some stuff...majority of what's here for sure anyway...i do actually want it out of the way...it's goiing to be festive when later....he finds out his tools are sold... major ****...gone...holy 'crap'...haha....but yanno.... i don't care... i really just don't care...as i'm writing this i'm realizing i'm ...indifferent... 
yeah.... indifferent... 

it's only 'stuff'... 

when i have to give back his fold out couch....wtf is my Great Dane gonna sleep on? lol...it smells like dawg....HA! ....eh well... so be it...*evil grin...


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Great Danes are awesome if you ever get in trouble you ride them to safety


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Hang in there Stella!

p.s. You have the best avatar on TAM IMO


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Hang in there Stella!
> 
> p.s. You have the best avatar on TAM IMO


Lol...u think so huh? 
Haha...


----------



## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Haha...the tools!..I forgot about that! Awesome! 

I do like the idea of a bat..sounds good. Not sure if I could get one hre, a cricket bat would do tho. I have real anger issues these days. 

Great to see you're indifferent. That's a good place to be. I can't wait to get there myself. 

Sounds like you kicked azz in court!


----------



## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

And isn't true stuff is just stuff? My ex always had to have top end whatever. Like its going to make him happy. Me, I wish I could dump this house upside down and take me, the animals, a bed, a sofa, and some tunes and books, that's it. I've still got all his crap here, but he's just got till end of next week to get it, otherwise I'm selling or smashing.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Well I met my divorce judge...pretty nice chick...I had to explain to her why I was there wanting to change my last name before my divorce was final...I made it clear he was dragging it out and wouldn't agree to any offers, sign or settle...so there I was asking for her to please give me my last name so I can move on with what I can move on with... she asked a few more questions about it... I answered or my atty. did...my witnesses answered a few questions...

and she happily announced that from then on I will be referred to...and said my first middle and back to my last name... 

I teared up...I couldn't help it.. the certified copy will be in my mailbox within 2 to 3 days...

his name is no longer on my body either...that is covered..and I no longer bear his last name... 
my atty. will be emailing his atty. a copy of the info and stating I will be referrd to from now on as Ms. such. heh heh heh ... I love it. I'm so happy you guys have no idea...it was so freeing and liberating my girlfriends/witnesses were tearing up and my atty. was nudging me...and I was just 'wow'...so he may not be divorcing me and playing his games but he cannot 'make me' keep his damn last name...

I'm so glad to not bear that families last name any longer...just need the paper work...then I can change my name at work...and never have to listen to it again...and get my new DL...and I'm off...

I have taken back control on so many levels now...every little step counts...but this one was a big step for me...not waiting for the divorce to be 'free' of his name.. not waiting on 'his' timeline... 
screw that... he's controlled enough. 

Still waiting on hearing from the court of Appeals to find out their written answer to the OFP possible over turn... waiting and waiting... personally I don't think it's gonna happen...
Also waiting to hear if jobs been filled in Wisconsin yet...no word on interview...over 120 apps...sigh... but didn't get a reject either... 

stalemate in some aspects of things and moving on in others...


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Why do women change their named to begin with?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Why do women change their named to begin with?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ya got me...first time I did it...and look what happened....pppffftttty


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: wtf...*



LongWalk said:


> Why do women change their named to begin with?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Old traditions, a sense of family unity.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LongWalk said:


> Why do women change their named to begin with?


In some cultures it's done because of family unity. If marriage is for life, then the couple is forming a family unit. This way everyone in the family has the same name.

In other cultures, Islam being one of them, women do not change their name because a man can have 4 wives. There is not one family unit.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

They put on a front that appears accommodating, loyal, and yes, even sacrificial. Then, without warning, they raise their knife, and by the time you see the glint of the blade, it's almost always too late.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> They put on a front that appears accommodating, loyal, and yes, even sacrificial. Then, without warning, they raise their knife, and by the time you see the glint of the blade, it's almost always too late.


What the hey?? :scratchhead:


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Awesome news Ms.Moon!

The rest will hopefully come soon but its great that bits done.

Your bound to get a few slip ups when people speak to you I guess. If I recall its all last names in your line of work? 

I almost pity the poor fool that slips up first!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What the hey?? :scratchhead:


Was just reminiscing today Hun...nothing more


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I wanted my name back after more than 45 years of not having it. When I got married, in my state, you were required to take your husband's name. No option. Now there are options and I see more and more females keeping their names. I'm all for that.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ok new news....

He/they...put in a demand/request (they worded it as demand) to the court...our divorce judge I imagine this goes too...that they want ...they meaning me stbxh...his atty....and whoever else they deem necessary to come to my property on sept. 12th and inspect it and take pictures. 

WTF!!!!!! I DON'T WANT ME EX AT MY HOUSE NOW OR EVER!!!! OR HIS ********* ATTY! I agreed to an assessment but mt ex don't need to come to my fxcking house! And the judge should make an exception to the OFP on this? 
My atty. just forwarded this info to me...we haven't discussed it yet. 
I'm livid. He don't need to nose around my home...this is and has been my safe haven and violation free since he left last nov. I don't need his icky violent karma nosyin around my stuff man...this is my home... MY home. I realize it's still marital property even tho his name is on NOTHING but an assessor can come...there's a restraining order ffs!! 

HE doesn't need to come back to my house! EVER! 

No answer from judge yet is my understanding....haven't spoken to atty. about if he can coxck block this....

Seriously ppl....no need for these ppl to invade my home...especially him. They are not assessors. 


I'm not happy.... 

Insight?????


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Why can't he just sign and settle...his big thing is he thinks the property is worth more than it is...and wants to owe me less...this had just all gone crazy..w...t...f... 

I'm so serious ....I...do...not...want...him...in my house....what a fxcking violation... 

I just can't see how 'this' would be ok...

Why would a judge ...(she hadn't yet) let him into my home????

Ugh! 

Sorry...really needing to vent....

Gonna break out my bat here...bust up some shixt for real...
I'm 'not calm' people....


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

No justification for the ex being on the property-hes not an acessor or appraiser-I can concur with your feelings, I don't like it when my ex comes on the property to pickup the kids


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Why can't he just sign and settle...his big thing is he thinks the property is worth more than it is...and wants to owe me less...this had just all gone crazy..w...t...f...
> 
> I'm so serious ....I...do...not...want...him...in my house....what a fxcking violation...
> 
> ...



Stella... OH BOY>>>> do I understand...!!! my x is much better about "dropping" in as mandated by the courts but we are trying to get the house ready to sell so I have to allow some access.. but it stinks.. good luck with it hun...

On another note that I think you would appreciate, I got called a "MILF" today. I went to my friend and asked what it was and she burst out laughing...... then told me... I’m not sure if I’m offended or flattered.... LOL


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Stella... OH BOY>>>> do I understand...!!! my x is much better about "dropping" in as mandated by the courts but we are trying to get the house ready to sell so I have to allow some access.. but it stinks.. good luck with it hun...
> 
> On another note that I think you would appreciate, I got called a "MILF" today. I went to my friend and asked what it was and she burst out laughing...... then told me... I’m not sure if I’m offended or flattered.... LOL


ha ha ha hha! 
GOOD FOR YOU! Be flattered! 

My atty. said he is going to write an objection letter and state several reasons 'why' the stbxh should not be let back onto my property...and that I will comply with any others that need to come on... and I will. 

So 'if' they don't like it it will have to take a judge to tell me 'he' needs to come back here...otherwise there is no reason for him to come back on here...none.. 

he does not need to assess what I have here or how I protect my home...after all he allegedly broke into my home...in the first place...he need not 'see' my locks or the like...take pics etc... 

just not happy about this...


----------



## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Hey Stella, what's the sitch with your house assessment? It's seems obvious why your ex shouldn't be allowed anywhere near your property. Hope someone sees sense or that your atty can make sure the right thing is done. What a lot of bs. He really is vile, your ex. Thinking he can get out of paying you what he owes. This is all going to work out, there is no justification for him going to your house, so I hope the right thing has been done. Thinking of you


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Hey people...

What's up?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well you are here so we can start the party now 

What happened with the ex asking to go through your property? Just curious.

What's up with you?

Unfortunately I have to get to bed now... I'll check back. I'm sure others will be around.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

My atty. called his atty. and told him how I don't want him on the property...funny azz thing...his own atty. agreed. Even without consulting with him (the stbxh) Yea...um...we (my atty. and I) think that even his new atty. is getting sick of his antics and think he's rediculous ...also his atty. said he thinks this assessment is rediculous also but it's 'what his client wants'... but yea...my atty. made it clear if pushed they will have to get a court order to let him on the property...pffft...his atty. just said... "we just won't bring him then no problem"... 
haha! Wow...that was easy... 
Today we got a settlement offer... which was forwarded to me via email... I wrote back...for my atty. to say.. "my client respectfully says to fxck off and die." And that's exactly what I wrote. 
The offer was rediculous. Yea try again you douchcanoe. 
So thus far on the 12th his atty. and some property people want to come see my place... 'whatever'... as long as shxtbag isn't comimg I'm ok with that... I don't want him coming and seeing 'my home' and breathing 'my earned peaceful air'...how my house and home has been is none of his business...he needs nor deserves to see anything. He also is bixtching about not getting all his property back...oh well...gimme a check and I will give you back what I didn't sell... BAH! I'm so far gone with feeling any sadness or pain man... it's straight up fxck you and anger... bring it azzhole. i've got creditors calling every 15 minutes...what's anyone gonna do to me now? 
On the flip side... I've started Crossfit...been doing it over a month...adding it to my gym time. I drive about 40 to go...I go twice a week. It's deffinately a challenge...having a coach...my body has never been in such good shape. This is for sure...I have a ways to go I mean there's always 'better'...but I never thought I'd be doing squats and dead lifts and the like and actually being 'pushed' to my limits...to the point of wanting to give up...and yet I don't. I am really pushing myself fitness wise...I really am striving for what I want...at the same time I go through periods where it seems so far off. 
My weight is now 142lbs (I'm 5'9)...coach says it's low but I'm building muscle quite fast adding the Crossfit...my BMI is 21.4% and it's been a long time but I'm seeing my 6pk again...I needed this. Now if I could get that J Lo azz I'd be golden! ha ha  ...jk (friggin do enough squats!) I still have the appetite of a line backer but I eat clean...rarely to I waver from that. 

Love life? What love life?...haven't had one...'however'....I haven't been to Wisconsin in about two months now...money wise and working wise wasn't working out there for awhile...'however' ... this weekend I'm supposed to be going...to meet someone... a young guy...yea...I know but hey...I'm called the Crossfit Cougar for a reason right? pppffftt... ok...so my best friend from Wisconsin came across him on her dating site...and long story short she just sent him my way (he's too young for her ...we started texting...no talking...we just didn't want that...but were going to meet this weekend...He's got a college degree...graphic design...so yea he's got a job...4th year national curler and still going on that...plays softball/baseball...into the sports big time...he's 5/11...athletic...and hot damn. ok...and young...yes I mentioned that. So no doubt this won't get serious...right. 
I need to get the fxck out of here and go have some fun...and I intend too... gonna suxck tho...my best friend has to leave town for work...she won't even be in town...so I will be meeting him solo...but I don't care...I'm excited and anxious...nervous even...sorta nervous...mostly not...but sorta... 
ok face it...I'm just going to want his azz nakid...bad. It's going to be sureal. Things are going to happen to him that will make his eyes roll to the back of his head like a slot machine...*evil smile...ok that was just fun to write... haha!!! 
Then I will make him fall madly in love with me... 
ok that was just fun to write too... 

5'11.... and really really cute...gonna wrap myself around that...


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> What's up?


"Up" is a preposition, Stella. You ought to know that by now.  

I'm settling into my new digs, missing my kids when they're away, and enjoying my new found freedom.

I understand how you feel about your X "invading" your place... This weekend, WWotMW wants to come pick up the kids at my place Saturday morning for the exchange. I'm not sure just yet how I feel about her knocking at my front door. Not sure if I want her coming inside.

Right now, the new apartment feels "safe". It's "mine". I don't want that to change.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I'm wondering how this is going to affect my dating life. I never know when my x will stop in. I'm thinking if he sees a truck he won't come...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> "Up" is a preposition, Stella. You ought to know that by now.
> 
> I'm settling into my new digs, missing my kids when they're away, and enjoying my new found freedom.
> 
> ...



Then don't let her in... not unless your ready...she need not step a foot into 'your dwelling'... or breathe in 'your peace'... I understand this fully... 
Sounds like your doing well though...strong...secure...and at home... I like that.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> I'm wondering how this is going to affect my dating life. I never know when my x will stop in. I'm thinking if he sees a truck he won't come...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


elaborate...what do you mean? 

first off...your x should not be 'stopping in'....

who's truck...???


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Well you know I have shared before how he was always dropping in.. still doing so... not as bad though. He is supposed to be fixing up the house for sale. its now been 4 months sence Divorce is final and he only mows and checks on animals. He did buy me some paint so I could paint the spare room and he did buy a new carpet but thats it and lots to do.. funny that he is in no hurry...

One of the guys Im dating has a "very nice" truck. Ive seen him 4 dates now and one for tonight and tomorrow already planed with him also. He knows Im still dating others though so its not serious. Just having fun and getting to know each other.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I have to add to one of your previous post. I have the JLo Azz and i would gladly give you some... just saying.. and Also I love my post divorce weight.. D is such a good kick start to weight loss!...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Grrr.....


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

OK...spill it.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Whassup Stel?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Heeelllloooo.... what's up?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Eh...I ask for it. I do. These dumb situations I get myself into with guys. It's funny really. Almost so expected. Because I like them young..most handle it fine. 
I dunno...

I think just like the next person everyone wants that special someone...I just don't think it will happen again for me. I'm not even in the location I want to live in...and I can't get there without a job. I make the eligibility list...and 'wait' for an interview ...in the meantime my life passes me by living where I don't want too. Getting older...yay. Ppfffttt... 
I need to fill out more applications but I get so anxious they are so tedious...they are like fxcking booklets of questions...law enforcement app. Aren't like filling out normal apps. I hate it... I'd rather hire someone to do it for me I hate it that much. But now I have to get back the fxck online and search again...so frustrated there. 

And as for the guy thing...I like it and hate it. Being 'me' is frustrating. No lie. I am who I am. I roll the way I roll. And I like what I like. But damn prices are paid as in everything else...in a way. There's costs...

I haven't worked out in over a week. Schedule issues...falling behind...my insides and out feel like crap. It's amazing how it affects me so fast. And I mean fast. It's like if I fall off track...every damn thing does...

For you young guys out there...if your going to mess with a cougar....handle it like a lion...or stick with your bubble gummers.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

where the heck is everyone??


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Busy working our old bodies out


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> where the heck is everyone??


It's been pretty quiet around here the past couple of days Stella. Not sure what's up. :scratchhead:


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Almost hunting season. Any cougars around here?


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Bite your tongue! I'd like to have a cougar here on the farm, well maybe a gal closer to my age
It would seem that for a lot of people this forum is a pit stop, they come here vent get through the shock and awe then poof gone.
One that comes to mind is mama2five-what happened to her? Did she finally file for divorce from the crazy husband? She just left us hanging....grrrr 
I can say the only eventful thing for me relationship wise is one of my daughters got in an argument with me on labor day locked herself in her room. I calmly removed her door knob with a vice grip and the exwife who was on the phone with her called the cops it seems she thought me removing the door knob constituted a domestic. Three deputies showed up including the one who in 2009 put my her in jail for beating our 10 year old -needless to say my daughter got a good talking to about obeying the rules of the house -a thanks goes out to my ex for reinforcing my parenting skills! ha ha


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

gulfwarvet said:


> Bite your tongue! I'd like to have a cougar here on the farm, well maybe a gal closer to my age
> It would seem that for a lot of people this forum is a pit stop, they come here vent get through the shock and awe then poof gone.
> One that comes to mind is mama2five-what happened to her? Did she finally file for divorce from the crazy husband? She just left us hanging....grrrr
> I can say the only eventful thing for me relationship wise is one of my daughters got in an argument with me on labor day locked herself in her room. I calmly removed her door knob with a vice grip and the exwife who was on the phone with her called the cops it seems she thought me removing the door knob constituted a domestic. Three deputies showed up including the one who in 2009 put my her in jail for beating our 10 year old -needless to say my daughter got a good talking to about obeying the rules of the house -a thanks goes out to my ex for reinforcing my parenting skills! ha ha


Wow


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I been chasing tail. 
You?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Well what the he!!...

Yea...seems like everyone is gone...can't think of all the names at the moment but those that were there when I started...what did happen to mama2five? And where the heck is Conrad and the lot? I miss hearing from everyone...not that I post every day or anything...but daang. 

I've been going to workforce every day filing out apps. online for WI. I have a pretrial on tuesday with the douchcanoe. What happens then? WTF is a pretrial for? Really? Omg...just settle already...geez. I been working OT...and yet can't seem to get ahead...so gave up there...so just doing my own thing. 
Need to get back into working out...been almost two weeks now...spent that time at workforce...haven't crossfit either...so I'm becoming a wuss...bad eating...not kewl...losin' my mojo... need to snap out of it...feel frumpy... need to get back into control...

buck stops here...going back today... hate that feeling of 'starting over'... but I can get through that...by working out hard...

then gonna meet my aunt for lunch...and she's moving...wants me to come look at some table she want's to give me...

nothing happening on the man front...haha...this cougar is at a stale mate...talkin' to someone in Tomah...38yrs...thank gawd...actually relieved of his age...yet still 11yrs younger...but at least he's not in his 20's for craps sake. As much as I like them young...had enough for awhile. 38yr old harley guy will be just fine...
sticking around here next couple weeks to work anyway...so won't be going to meet him anytime soon anyhow...'if i do'.. 

yea...need gym time...feel pretty crappy...and 'miss hearing from others' on here and their input...what the heck... ;/


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

so here's a pic...thought I'd just toss one up..took it yesterday...
shxit...nothing better to do..


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

well...that took about 30 seconds out of my life... 
I hate not being able to sleep...sigh...
ugh! 
grrrr......


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> well...that took about 30 seconds out of my life...
> I hate not being able to sleep...sigh...
> ugh!
> grrrr......


5:30? I'm just waking up lol.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I was up at 230am...needed to sleep through the night today though...ugh...


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I was up around 2 -2:30 my time last night. It's been happening to me the past few weeks, I'm not sure why. I just pop awake out of a dead sleep. I turned this stupid thing on for a few minutes, hopped on here and Facebook then told myself to shut it off and go back to bed. It worked this time around.

I hate nights where I don't get enough sleep. Feels like walking around in a damn fog the entire next day!!!

Maybe you can grab a quick nap sometime during the day? That or rely on the old standby - caffeine.


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> where the heck is everyone??


About 40 miles due west of Chicago. Stop by any time.

:toast:


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

I am in just such daze. Went to sleep at 12 woke at 1:30, fell back to sleep at 4:00.

Nice pic, Stella
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

tron said:


> almost hunting season. Any cougars around here?


lmao!!!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hey girl...

Sounds like you are in a lull right now.. just waiting for the divorce to end. All this pre-trial and trial is such drama. Like you said.. just get it over with already! Geez.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Well what the he!!...
> 
> Yea...seems like everyone is gone...can't think of all the names at the moment but those that were there when I started...what did happen to mama2five? And where the heck is Conrad and the lot? I miss hearing from everyone...not that I post every day or anything...but daang.
> 
> ;/


Stella- we're still hanging in here!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> lmao!!!


I know! I couldn't stop laughing myself!


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Pre-trial- 
Judge, "you couldn't reach an agreement?" 
attorneys in unison,"No"
Judge ,"I guess we will have to go to trial."
-that was my pretrial-wtf- what a waste of time!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

well ...wtf... really? 

well..I just bought a skirt...heels, blouse and accessories.. will be dressed to kill...dunno why I'm going this route but will be...i've got some serious confidence...gonna be a fun game tuesday morning...my atty's. jaw is gonna drop...gonna be some funny shxt. 
if it has a head...it will turn.


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Going dressed to kill, showing confidence....cool!


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Knock him dead....literally. ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Man do I need dating advice stella....

Ugh..got my self into trouble I think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Man do I need dating advice stella....
> 
> Ugh..got my self into trouble I think
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I dunno if my advice is good or not...but I what you will get is a'say it like it is' 

Spill it...what's up?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> Going dressed to kill, showing confidence....cool!


Weird tho...not sure where it's all stemming from...but it's the stbxh will see someone he's never seen before....ever. 

I smile wide tho....cos my attys. Mind and the ladies at the office are gonna be floored....it's going to be so unexpected....and 'unlike me' :FIREdevil:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Yanno what I just thought of...I'm back to my old self lovin 'the shock and awe'...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> well ...wtf... really?
> 
> well..I just bought a skirt...heels, blouse and accessories.. will be dressed to kill...dunno why I'm going this route but will be...i've got some serious confidence...gonna be a fun game tuesday morning...my atty's. jaw is gonna drop...gonna be some funny shxt.
> if it has a head...it will turn.


 I love it!! Do the whole femme fatale thing. Even get the hat if you will.. like in the 1940's movies. What a hoot! go for it.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I love it!! Do the whole femme fatale thing. Even get the hat if you will.. like in the 1940's movies. What a hoot! go for it.


Hahaha! 
A hat huh? OMG....

And gloves....


And my ecig....HAHAHAHA!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Hahaha!
> A hat huh? OMG....
> 
> And gloves....
> ...


And THAT voice. You know the voice. All the old movie actresses could use it when it was needed. 

Love the image...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> And THAT voice. You know the voice. All the old movie actresses could use it when it was needed.
> 
> Love the image...


Deep...low...Greta Garbo 'ish


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just the thought of you doing that whole thing gives me a chuckle. Would be great to pull off.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Omg...I'm so laughing....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Omg...I'm so laughing....


Oh, you have the looks to carry it off. Can see it now.


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

OMG!-well if your going to go with hat and gloves might as well get a cane and do a tap dance in court-ha ha-Hey ur gonna get us a picture-right Stella?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm not doin the hat etc..but admittedly I'm not going to be able to sit there with a straight face now...I'm going to be thinking about all this...but I will love it!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

And as for the cane....best not have anything in my hands I can swing with....


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Stella, I think Gulfwarvet is right, we need a picture of you just as you're walking into court. I believe I can sum it all up in one word - CLEAVAGE. All of this other stuff is nice but at the end of the day it will all be about cleavage. Trust me on this.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

sorry to disappoint you...this outfit is classy sexy and business like...form fitting even though I will be wearing a blouse... 

cleavage is not going to happen...nor is it part of what I'm going for here... sorry but yuk.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

....not that I don't have a grin on my face BW... >


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> sorry to disappoint you...this outfit is classy sexy and business like...form fitting even though I will be wearing a blouse...
> 
> cleavage is not going to happen...nor is it part of what I'm going for here... sorry but yuk.


Hey Stella-

Make their jaws drop when you walk through the door. A sly grin and a glance I think would be more than acceptable. Radiate confidence. Then enjoy the he!! out of his side's reaction.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I looked great...felt great...

but what's even more compelling...


wait for it....wait for it.... 


stbxh....DIDNT EVEN SHOW UP FOR COURT!!! WTF! 

His atty was pissed....the judge was pissed and even court orderd him to pay for my attys. fees for the day...

omg....WHO DOES THIS? stbxh atty. couldn't even get ahold of him!!! 

l...m...f...a....o! 

Trial date....Nov. 6th I believe... oh what the he!! .... 

stbxh is 'that' irresponsible... uh yea... what a dumbazz....and lacks communications with his own atty. to boot... 
i texted his parents and told them...uh yea..."ya might wanna make your son go to court on his court dates since your flippin the bill...and btw...according to the judge your paying for my attys. fees today...see ya at trial" lmfao... 

omg.....


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Let him pay lol.


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

This is priceless, Stella. You can't make this stuff up.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

....they are always such cowards like this!!!! Scream and throw a fit and threaten and then can't even show up to court...idiots!


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Wow !! Contempt of court. He has just made a real impression on the judge. All the better for you.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Nice Stella!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

seriously i had to go lay down...i'm so dumbfounded...i just can't believe this...
this coming from someone that wanted out so bad? that walked away a million times? he 'forgot' he had court? ...and this is a forget thing too...because his atty. said they hadn't talked in a week since the house appraisal. so they didn't talk a day or two ago...and my atty. is like what a dumbazz...what atty. 'doesn't touch base with his client a day or so before a court date?' especially with one that lacks communication skilz...helllooo.... so uh..yea...stbxh 'forgot' he had court...so I guess he's not so 'anxious' after all? I don't get it... 
buti i did decide to add an extra text to his rents telling them that the judge did make it clear that trial was going to be expensive and that they (his rents) can feel free to check that statement with stbxh atty. that the judge DID indeed say this... 
his parents 'need' to hold his hand...kick his azz or the like...this is crazy...


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I didn't get it either on the day I officially got divorced .We were all down at the clerk of court and they handed my ex the divorce decree and she had a melt down. She was sobbing and her friend was hugging her and I'm like wth! after being such a witch , I found myself trying to keep from bursting out laughing and my attorney was looking at me quizzically-and her friend was giving me a dirty stare,just a surreal moment.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> I'm not doin the hat etc..but admittedly I'm not going to be able to sit there with a straight face now...I'm going to be thinking about all this...but I will love it!


LOL.. that was the intent... to get you to smile/laugh... that image will help you in court even if it's just in your head.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> seriously i had to go lay down...i'm so dumbfounded...i just can't believe this...
> this coming from someone that wanted out so bad? that walked away a million times? he 'forgot' he had court? ...and this is a forget thing too...because his atty. said they hadn't talked in a week since the house appraisal. so they didn't talk a day or two ago...and my atty. is like what a dumbazz...what atty. 'doesn't touch base with his client a day or so before a court date?' especially with one that lacks communication skilz...helllooo.... so uh..yea...stbxh 'forgot' he had court...so I guess he's not so 'anxious' after all? I don't get it...
> buti i did decide to add an extra text to his rents telling them that the judge did make it clear that trial was going to be expensive and that they (his rents) can feel free to check that statement with stbxh atty. that the judge DID indeed say this...
> his parents 'need' to hold his hand...kick his azz or the like...this is crazy...


Maybe you shouldn't be texting his parents. I believe that if he does not show next time, the way it usually works, you might get 100% of what you want.

Let his lawyer take care of him. Before this is over, maybe he will end up paying all of your legal fees. 

We can dream, right?


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> seriously i had to go lay down...i'm so dumbfounded...i just can't believe this...
> this coming from someone that wanted out so bad? that walked away a million times? he 'forgot' he had court? ...and this is a forget thing too...because his atty. said they hadn't talked in a week since the house appraisal. so they didn't talk a day or two ago...and my atty. is like what a dumbazz...what atty. 'doesn't touch base with his client a day or so before a court date?' especially with one that lacks communication skilz...helllooo.... so uh..yea...stbxh 'forgot' he had court...so I guess he's not so 'anxious' after all? I don't get it...
> buti i did decide to add an extra text to his rents telling them that the judge did make it clear that trial was going to be expensive and that they (his rents) can feel free to check that statement with stbxh atty. that the judge DID indeed say this...
> his parents 'need' to hold his hand...kick his azz or the like...this is crazy...


You know what Stella, stop worrying about him not showing up. It will only work in your favor because the judge will see what an irresponsible tool he is.

Let his parents worry about his sorry behind now.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

yea...your right. 

but it's his parents that will get his azz in gear and will end this thing...it's 'them' that will have to cut me the check you see.. not stbxh...'they' are the ones paying the bills...'they' are the ones who will pay me in the end...and apparently they have been kept out of the loop...so I just said what I had to say to them... 
it's left alone now... 

but yea...


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> yea...your right.
> 
> but it's his parents that will get his azz in gear and will end this thing...it's 'them' that will have to cut me the check you see.. not stbxh...'they' are the ones paying the bills...'they' are the ones who will pay me in the end...and apparently they have been kept out of the loop...so I just said what I had to say to them...
> it's left alone now...
> ...


Well you got it out there, now they know the deal. 

The judge will never tolerate him not showing up twice, he's wasting everyone's time and judges don't like that b$.

Him not showing up is the equivalent of him giving the judge the proverbial finger. He pulls it again and watch how fast the judge rules in your favor.

Then you'll be free of him for good!


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I think its a good thing you texted the inlaws and caused them some heartburn concerning their delinquent son.
Maybe they broke down and gave him the much overdue spanking that he so desperately needs!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

ok so he's on the internet joining 'sites' and probly doing 1-900 numbers? I have no idea... but check this out...whatever he is doing he is using 'my address' to sign up for porn crap or whatnot..because 'new mail' has been in my snail mail box...got a bill for playboy or a subscription thingy...'and' some Adam and Eve type thing/certificate etc...so clearly he's doing this stuff... 

now having said that...that's all fine and dandy...get your freak on ...rocks off and what have you...bar hooores or whatever you need to do...but use 'my' address for this shxit? Uh no..I don't think so...but 'he is'... 

He knows I didn't want this stuff coming in my mail or ever on my computer...he had his own cell and did whatever on occasion...but NEVER did these things notcies/subscription type things come in my mail and 'now' they are? they are in his name tho... 

So...he's using my address for his signing up for shxt... 

So... I decided to open this stuff to let all the 'tit'z n azz hang out..al the pics/advertisements/stuff exposed...went to his moms job and was going to leave it on her car with the note i wrote... "have your son fix his mail 'or' I will just bring it to you'... 

better yet...she wasn't at work...she works at an antique store with other 60yr old women...

So... I just marched right in the store...but no one was around...so I left my note to his mom...and the opened mail right on the counter.. 

drove by the shop today and her car was there...so um...I guess she got her sons mail... 'after' all the other 'ladies' had a gander at it...seeing it was tit'z and azz material addressed to her son... 'smut'... 

again...have your smut...but don't use 'my' friggin addy to do it... 

or um... I'm just going to bring it to your mommys work...and 'she' can explain it to her 'old lady' friends and bring it back to 'you'...

who you dealing with ***ttard? I'm smarter than you...you used my addy. on purpose...for your crap...and I just embarrassed your mom (who condones your behavior/abuse etc) at her job...and 'i bet' she told you to 'fix' your mailing address 'now'...huh? 

yea nice try there bud... I keep getting this mail...I keep opening it...and dropping it off at the store... 

aye...all I"m doing is delivering 'your mail to your mom for ya'...  

not my fault if her old lady friends see that your a porn freak...

wups.

keep messing with me...your simply just not wittier than I ...you never have been ...never will be... and I will expose you when I want too how and how I want too...you leave me alone I will leave you alone...but you bring my address into your world...

oh honey...I don't think so... 

What else you got sweetheart? ....Bring it...


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Great move Stella!! Love it!!

Let his mommy take care of him and his issues now.

If I were you, if you can get contact information for these places, call them and tell them to stop sending this stuff to your address.


----------



## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

nice serve stella turn all the lights........love it. fire away he'll keep his head down and stay in his dark hole next time lol


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh to be a fly on the wall when she got to work and saw that.

Stella, you do know that it's a felony to open someone else's mail, even their stupid junk mail.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Do you have an address to which you can send a registered letter?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Do you have an address to which you can send a registered letter?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


For what? Who's? What do you mean?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Oh to be a fly on the wall when she got to work and saw that.
> 
> Stella, you do know that it's a felony to open someone else's mail, even their stupid junk mail.


Do you know that he using my address for his personal use and gain after the restraining order is a violation and can be construed as harassment and breaking said order? 

Yeaaa I'll take my chances on opening his porn mail and see what he's gonna do about it.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Do you know that he using my address for his personal use and gain after the restraining order is a violation and can be construed as harassment and breaking said order?
> 
> Yeaaa I'll take my chances on opening his porn mail and see what he's gonna do about it.


Yes he is using your address for his mail. 

Just out of curiosity, how is he gaining from that.. this usually mean that a person is making money from it.

My comment was not to mean that I give a hoot about what you do with his mail... he deserves whatever you do with it. But my concern is if he could find a way to get you in trouble. 


I do like the idea of you just dumping all that mail on his mother. Let her beat him around the head and shoulders for his stupidity.

Or just get a lot of sticker printed out with his mother's address on them. "NO LONGER AT THIS ADDRESS: FORWARD TO his mother's address".

The Post office will then notify every company that his address has changed. Too bad he does not have a job 'cause you could have it all forwarded by the PO to his job.

There are many ways to kill a bird.


----------



## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

Stella, maybe you should fill out a change of address form or mail forward form for him at the post office: send all his mail to his mother or father's place of work... Wherever it will put his parents in the biggest hot seat... But honestly I'd just forward all his mail to his parents house; why engage or enflame the situation; just get the problem out of your hair.

You've been on a long and trying journey; I hope things are getting better for you!


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Stella-You've given parents and son lots to talk about in the last two weeks


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Yes he is using your address for his mail.
> 
> Just out of curiosity, how is he gaining from that.. this usually mean that a person is making money from it.
> 
> ...


What I meant by gaining is using my address 'where he sees fit' to hide his 'crap' from his parents.. is what I mean. It's new mail.. he's just now currently using my address...he shouldn't be doing that...he's been out for a year. 

I did the change of address thing already...but apparently 'this' didn't matter...and when he left I think he did too...but some things get through...I got enough 'shxt' mail coming to my house I don't need playboy bill/notices/magazines and such and his adam/eve crap...if I want that stuff coming to my house I will get it my damnx self and order up on my own... (just venting here) it's the 'nerve' he has doing it. Grow up and own that your a 41 year old living with your parents and if you want to order porn order porn...and put in the addy you live at...wtf...I want his name out of my mailbox...and it's none of my business what he does to get his rocks off...so he needs to stop making it mine...lol...
so if 'I' must know....his parents can know... and I will see about filing out yet 'another' card...see if it even makes a difference...if his 'mommy' didn't do it first to see that I don't stop by her job and 'drop off his 'male' again'.... I'm not ok with his antics...and I'm not ever going to be... 
I like the idea of having stickers though for the mail that does come through... 

dude just needs to get hit by a semi...being a widow just sounds so appealing...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> Stella-You've given parents and son lots to talk about in the last two weeks


a signature and a check....problem solved.


----------



## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

You got a settlement check?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Morgiana said:


> You got a settlement check?


Nope. He won't settle or sign


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Stelly, sweetie, how are you? I'm alive, cheated death again. Hope you're alright.

In my divorce proceedings, I AM the scummo that won't sign or settle. And a big part of it is just wanting to cause her stress and grief and any kind of pain I can muster up. I'm not taking your H's side, not at all, I'm just sayin' that sometimes it is just pure fun to put a hated X through it.

BW


----------



## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

Bullwinkle said:


> Stelly, sweetie, how are you? I'm alive, cheated death again. Hope you're alright.
> 
> In my divorce proceedings, I AM the scummo that won't sign or settle. And a big part of it is just wanting to cause her stress and grief and any kind of pain I can muster up. I'm not taking your H's side, not at all, I'm just sayin' that sometimes it is just pure fun to put a hated X through it.


The problem with this though is that you can't move on either; so you're also just hurting yourself. I refuse to hate my ex, I refuse to engage him as much as I am able since we have kids. Mine has done the same as you BW, and I understand where his pain comes from that led him to do what he's done, but at the same time, it's not up to me to fix it, and I refuse to beg for forgiveness until he decides he's hurt me enough that he stops being an ass. I'm close to making peace with myself and my failings in the marriage, if, when or how he gets there isn't my concern anymore.

-M


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

I hear you, Morgiana, you make perfect sense. I understand your feelings on this.

But I also know myself - that I am not ready to move on. Not until I feel that I have in some way inflicted at least a fraction of the pain she has caused me. And I know everyone on TAM will howl when I say this but revenge and retribution are some of the sweetest things in this life.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

He wanted the damn divorce now end it already...either way we see judge nov. 6th show or no show...I will have one. 

I'm good.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> He wanted the damn divorce now end it already...either way we see judge nov. 6th show or no show...I will have one.
> 
> I'm good.


Good. I hope that he does not show and you get all that you asked for.

It's about time that this is all over. You have come a long way since that first thread of yours


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Good for you, Miss Stelly.

What have I got to do to get an invite to that lake house? 

You need to throw a party on Nov 6th, we'll get liquored up.


BW


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ok people here's the latest... 

I have been invited to test for the State of WI...for a prison. IF I pass the test I immediately go into a panel of 3 for an interview...this is happening Nov. 8th.. 

I am also talking with someone on a serious level..sort of scary...but I'm going with it. He lives in Nebraska...we are 'always' on the phone getting to know each other...I am myself with him..'raw'...and he knows my back story where I've never let anyone know my 'specifics'...(no lovers) ...I also let him know where my blog is..'a first'... he is a Christian...God guy...I like that. He works for the railroad...fixed trains and tracks....
He got a girl pregnant 18 years ago...married her..did the right thing...tried to love her...tried to make it work...he has a 21 year old step daughter. His daughter is 18...his son is 14...all live in NM...as does his Ex. He's been divorced two years. 
He's looking for his 'happily ever after'....he's not into one night stands...wants a significant other...wants marriage...wants to grow old with someone wants commitment...and wants to put God in the center....etc.. 
He knows I won't lose sigh of my path of moving to WI...he has made it clear his retirement with the railroad and his company is too phenomenal to give up and he can retire at 60...with beautiful benefits set for life..and his senority is great etc etc...his company is no where near my area in WI...
he would prefer I move to Nebraska...of course... again...'no'...he understands this...and also says he intends to persue this and work it out on a long distance level then...as in his schedule permits it...chunks of days off in a row...truckers do it etc...
and quite frankly my aunt and cuzin do it...they live here..and their spouses my uncle and cuzin work in minot... etc.. 

maybe 'this type' of thing would work for me...I dunno.. point is..I'm checking this out...'this guy' has my attention... 

ok more about him... 

he's 43. haha...yea I know...I'm 47...I like the age thing here...not one of my young lovers...but a young lover is just that...a young lover...'this' ....is different...he's of course cut...handsome...and he's 20 years army...retired...16 active...2 tours in iraq military police... 
..and now fixed trains...he can do other things but this is his passion.. 

I haven't met him in person yet...but i fall asleep with my bluetooth on... it's just non stop communication... 

I'd be dumb not to see where this leads...but having said this... 
I have that 'glitch' of the need to be ready to commit...no not marriage...soooooooooooooooo not going to 'go there'.... 
but commit and be faithful to one guy.... he's going to want this... 

I have enjoyed the cougar lifestyle...a lot... and still am ...so...I'm going to have 'to see' ....just how much 'i like' this man...and see what my 'heart'... says...because I'm a different person now... and will not be easily...'swayed' into something I'm just not ready for... 

and having said that.... again...I'd be stupid not to ...allow this man..to pursue me...and he is...indeed smitten....


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Wow, Stelly, this is wonderful, though it sounds like you are the one who is smitten.

As far as this cougar thing is concerned, where the hell were you when I was 17?

BW


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> I hear you, Morgiana, you make perfect sense. I understand your feelings on this.
> 
> But I also know myself - that I am not ready to move on. Not until I feel that I have in some way inflicted at least a fraction of the pain she has caused me. And I know everyone on TAM will howl when I say this but revenge and retribution are some of the sweetest things in this life.


BW, so glad to know your okay and doing well..... As far as your quote above.... You just know I have to disagree with you right? LOL  I think the sweetest revenge would you being happy and moving on.. Saying that though, I know its not as easy for you when frostine has custody of penguin and makes everything much more miserable to deal with!!

Take care hun!!


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Ok people here's the latest...
> 
> I have been invited to test for the State of WI...for a prison. IF I pass the test I immediately go into a panel of 3 for an interview...this is happening Nov. 8th..
> 
> ...


Good news on all levels!! so happy for you, hopefully new job and new love!! I say go for it.....

I have happily been dating the same guy for a month now... Not willing to say it could be "it" yet, everything with me is still a little raw as far as trusting my feelings, but he treats me amazing. Has his own business but a capable enough staff that he has as much free time as we need, To top it off a romantic! I'm not used to being treated so well and its a little scary...

My x is still sniffing around, not sure if I will ever get totally rid of him but its been very amicable (he's trying to be to friendly). It does help that my guy is 6'8...normally my x is not intimidated by anyone being in law enforcement but he seems to at least make himself scarce when this ones around.

Hope you all are doing great!! Its been so long sense I've been on I forgot my user ID at first..lol


----------



## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

DYRC, so good to hear from you, kid, how you been? I hear you about all this, sometimes it just feels good to spout off these things.

And, DYRC, far be it from me to be shallow but I think it's about time for the picture of you in the sweater again. 

BW


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> Ok people here's the latest...
> 
> I have been invited to test for the State of WI...for a prison. IF I pass the test I immediately go into a panel of 3 for an interview...this is happening Nov. 8th..
> 
> ...


Stella we are all Smitten indeed


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> DYRC, so good to hear from you, kid, how you been? I hear you about all this, sometimes it just feels good to spout off these things.
> 
> And, DYRC, far be it from me to be shallow but I think it's about time for the picture of you in the sweater again.
> 
> BW


ROFL!!! I think that was a one timer... LOL..


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> Ok people here's the latest...
> 
> I have been invited to test for the State of WI...for a prison. IF I pass the test I immediately go into a panel of 3 for an interview...this is happening Nov. 8th..
> 
> ...


Love this!! So nice to see a post like this. Since all this happened to me I've come to believe you have to rely on what your inner voice tells you. That everyone you meet/cross paths with is there for a reason and don't shoot down what may not seem probable.

Best of luck with all the good things that are happening right now.


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Crazy as ever eh Stella.

The heart wants what it wants. Sometimes what that is can be as. Clear as Fay, other less so. Good to see you enjoying the excitement while not rushing in.

As for smitten, why ever wouldnt he pursue you, simply shows good taste in his part.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I told him about all of you on 'a forum'...he said if i wanted to post a couple pics I could he said all was lost in the internet world long ago when fb opened...so I think I will give you guys a couple pics... Turns out he decided he's going to come in the beginning of Nov. for 9 days...uh...'yeah'...9 days...that's one hell of an intro...so he will be here for my court date...and accompany to the court house i I wish...if he does I asked that he not come 'into' the court room as then I won't be able to concentrate...but if he were to be right outside that would be ok...now 'that' would be a fxcking site for dooooshxcanoe to see...omg....me there dressed to kill classy...with a handsome military MP.....lol.... haha... I wonder what would stbxh think about that...'if' it would 'touch his brain' a bit ...hmm..? It would indeed be an interesting 'game'...a fun 'last touch'....and john wouldn't mind...I asked him what he thought about that he just said that stbxh isn't his concern he'd be there to support me...but I did say...it would put an interesting 'spin' on things...so I just 'might' go that route since it's 'avail'...he!! people...why not? 
Also...my testing and interview date is Nov. 8th...in WI...so he will be here for that also...then I figure we'd cruize to Wausau...for a night and he could meet my best friend... etc... they've already spoken on the phone...but a night in wausau would be great...I'd have to make it back the next night for shift however...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

It is 20 years in Army...16 years active ...2 tours in Iraq MP...
step daughter 21...daughter 18 an son 14... they live in NM

He's 43...works for the railroad...fixes trains... 

....and he likes me....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Good news on all levels!! so happy for you, hopefully new job and new love!! I say go for it.....
> 
> I have happily been dating the same guy for a month now... Not willing to say it could be "it" yet, everything with me is still a little raw as far as trusting my feelings, but he treats me amazing. Has his own business but a capable enough staff that he has as much free time as we need, To top it off a romantic! I'm not used to being treated so well and its a little scary...
> 
> ...


'

'6'8??? Wholy crap!!!! SCORE!!! my son is 6'7....so I know how tall THAT is! HAHAHAAA! WOW! NIIIIICE! 

I like tall...john is 5'10...i'm 5'9....but we will see...haha...


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Good luck, Stella.

Assume he is an endogenous morphine addict like you. Post one of your workouts for us.

Bet BW has plenty of opportunities to train in the dust with improvised weights.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Good luck, Stella.
> 
> Assume he is an endogenous morphine addict like you. Post one of your workouts for us.
> 
> Bet BW has plenty of opportunities to train in the dust with improvised weights.


Yea he trains...and cooks..


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

...need to find out how he bangs...*evil grin....


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Stella,

Forgive my curiosity. Is that your picture, the avatar? It looks like a workout junkie.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

No I have pics in my profile tho..avatar isn't me


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> ..and john wouldn't mind...I asked him what he thought about that he just said that stbxh isn't his concern he'd be there to support me...


This line stood out to me big time. He's only there for YOU! You are his focus.

Sounds like a really nice, quality guy.

Yes, even after all that has happened I still like to believe in things like this.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> '
> 
> '6'8??? Wholy crap!!!! SCORE!!! my son is 6'7....so I know how tall THAT is! HAHAHAAA! WOW! NIIIIICE!
> 
> I like tall...john is 5'10...i'm 5'9....but we will see...haha...


LOL.. I totally feel like I've scored, owns his own business with 30 employee's and is a romantic! has a boat and bike, I like both . I dated a basketball player in high school 100 years ago, I think he said he was 6'6". my x was is 6'2 and my talles son is 6'4. Im 5'8.5 so close to 5'9. It definitely feels nice to have a guy that much taller than me! Makes me feel delicate... lol
He told me last night he's not going to let me drive to work when its snow storming this winter, he will come the 20 miles to pick me up take me the 23 miles to my work and travel the 43 miles back to his work on any days that it storms... My hero....

I'm right with you about the x's getting an eye full of the new guys and wanting to turn that spike we're putting in their eyes... I know you don't hear me sound bitter or vindictive very often but these unfaithful, violent, stupid men deserve it!

All the best hun!!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> LOL.. I totally feel like I've scored, owns his own business with 30 employee's and is a romantic! has a boat and bike, I like both . I dated a basketball player in high school 100 years ago, I think he said he was 6'6". my x was is 6'2 and my talles son is 6'4. Im 5'8.5 so close to 5'9. It definitely feels nice to have a guy that much taller than me! Makes me feel delicate... lol
> He told me last night he's not going to let me drive to work when its snow storming this winter, he will come the 20 miles to pick me up take me the 23 miles to my work and travel the 43 miles back to his work on any days that it storms... My hero....
> 
> I'm right with you about the x's getting an eye full of the new guys and wanting to turn that spike we're putting in their eyes... I know you don't hear me sound bitter or vindictive very often but these unfaithful, violent, stupid men deserve it!
> ...


I can't help but wonder what stbxh would think if I were to be in the hallway of the court house wrapped around John or rather he wrapped and protective around me...I do now wonder and now that I can make it a possibility....why shouldn't i? Looking and feeling secure in the arms of a man who is (thus far) treating me right... This should be the last time I see the dooshcanoo why not leave with him the image of me happy with another? I'd say it's thee perfect 'send off'..
And I will look marty yes I said his name....right straight in the eye..right in the face head on as I was ready too this last court date he didn't show....a different woman..strong...confident...'bring it'....and 'look what I brought with me' ....take your mental image you can't get outta yo head bixchh...oh snap! Who's 'your daddy now?!' :FIREdevil:


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Check with your attorney about bringing a guy to your divorce hearing. It might not be advisable.

I don't know the laws in Mass. But in at least one state, having sex with anyone before the day the divorce is final is considered adultery. The entire divorce settlement could be thrown into renegotiation ... not likely but I know that you would not want this.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I wouldn't have him in the court room...it would make 'me' nervous...but this is a no fault state...no one here 'cares' about adultery. Won't make a difference... crap abuse hardly does... sheeeeit Ele... you think he will even show this time?? lol?? omg... ha...


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I don't know the laws in Mass. But in at least one state, having sex with anyone before the day the divorce is final is considered adultery. The entire divorce settlement could be thrown into renegotiation ... not likely but I know that you would not want this.


Whether or not it counts as adultery, if the divorce is already filed as a no-fault divorce, the only thing douchecanoe could do would be to counter-file for a fault divorce... And that would only come into play if the current case were withdrawn for some reason.

And if I remember right, no matter whether it's a fault or no-fault divorce, the _reason_ for getting divorced is not supposed to have any bearing on the terms of the settlement.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

'Adultery' is not going to be a factor neither is a 'fault' divorce. None of this will matter.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> I wouldn't have him in the court room...it would make 'me' nervous...but this is a no fault state...no one here 'cares' about adultery. Won't make a difference... crap abuse hardly does... sheeeeit Ele... you think he will even show this time?? lol?? omg... ha...


I'm hoping that he does not show and you get everything that you ask for.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Pbartender said:


> Whether or not it counts as adultery, if the divorce is already filed as a no-fault divorce, the only thing douchecanoe could do would be to counter-file for a fault divorce... And that would only come into play if the current case were withdrawn for some reason.
> 
> And if I remember right, no matter whether it's a fault or no-fault divorce, the _reason_ for getting divorced is not supposed to have any bearing on the terms of the settlement.


NM, where I live, is a no fault state. 

But we have a judge here who would not look kindly on a man or woman who brought a new love interest to the court house. This judge has done some really crazy things when people do things that she does not like.

In one case where this happened the women lost custody of her children because the judge was annoyed and felt it showed that she was not a good mother. And the mother did not have a chance to even defend herself from the decision.

I stand by my comment that at least asking the attorney if he's ok with it. He knows the judge and will know what impact it might have.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

He's not going into the court room. This is 'my life.' I'm no ones 'wife' and haven't been for a year. I needn't check with anyone to whom I bring with me to court. That's not how it's rolled in this State anyway. I don't want John in the courtroom anyway for my own nervousness. 
The court is a public forum filled with by standers...this isn't a private trial timbuktoo can be there if they do so wish. 

New news found out today... 'they lost the appeal.' The OFP stands. The order for protection will not be lifted...all three judges on the panel ruled against marty.... just not a good 'divorce experience' for him lately... shameful...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> New news found out today... 'they lost the appeal.' The OFP stands. The order for protection will not be lifted...all three judges on the panel ruled against marty.... just not a good 'divorce experience' for him lately... shameful...


No, sounds like he's having a hard time these days.

Maybe he'll think twice before beating up another women.

I'm glad for you that he lost.


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I stand by my comment that at least asking the attorney if he's ok with it. He knows the judge and will know what impact it might have.


I won't argue with that... It's always best to consult with your attorney, before pulling any sort of "stunt" in the court room.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> I won't argue with that... It's always best to consult with your attorney, before pulling any sort of "stunt" in the court room.


Again...he's not going in the court room. 

My attys. Response to johns coming was "looking forward to meeting him" ...
I was speaking about the judge having issue. 

Stunt? Aye...yeaaaa...so it would be a last hoorah dig to the prxick...just johns presence.... 'So fxcking what' ...

Marty was the king of 'stunts.' 

I'm ending this show my way.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> I won't argue with that... It's always best to consult with your attorney, before pulling any sort of "stunt" in the court room.


Just venting by the way...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella Moon said:


> Just venting by the way...


Vent away girl.. cannot think of a better place to do that... :smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Again...he's not going in the court room.
> 
> My attys. Response to johns coming was "looking forward to meeting him" ...
> I was speaking about the judge having issue.
> ...


Heh... I'm not saying you _shouldn't_ pull any stunts... Just put a little thought into them, so you don't shoot yourself in the foot.

There was a good reason I filed on Valentine's Day, and finalized my divorce the day before our 15th Anniversary.


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Keeping a business like attitude in a divorce is paramount.
It was my exes and her attorneys undoing.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> Keeping a business like attitude in a divorce is paramount.
> It was my exes and her attorneys undoing.


just as I have when I've gone prior.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

ok wow...

we offered the last settlement offer...

and he took it... 

I won't believe it until I sign of course...because it's that unbelievable to me... It will not help much with my financial destitution situation... because it's been a year...but 'this way' I am protected in some other aspects...which I do like... 
I will get spousal maintenance for a year also... plus a settlement...amount... 
booyah... 
so...my atty...is going to draw up the papers... and I sign first...no problem there... then marty... then the judge..
then it's done. 
Apparently it's understood he didn't want to go to trial or go up against my atty... hmm... 'i wouldn't have wanted to either'... 
so be it... he lost at every other turn....and now being court is on the 6th he's backed into a corner... 
that's right...settle and sign mutherfxcker... you wanted out...your out...were out...were done... then. 

bittersweet? 'noh'..... yanno....it's been a year...I'm a different breed of woman now...or rather...back to being the breed I was before you... 
just hand over the check with your signature and back away...way far away... and hopefully an entire state away... I take solace in knowing i actually 'don't' have to see you again...even though I had looked forward to a 'last hurrah' if you will... but this suits me more than fine... 

oh...and with the way this will be done and written...when you open up the storage locker and find your shxt is gone...heh heh heh...I will have been 'protected'...because your an idiot...and there will be nothing you can do about it...you will get what I agreed to hand over and nothing more...I'd give my eye teeth to see the look on your face... you evil basxtard...you fxcked with the wrong heart...mind...and soul...

but hey...you got mommy and daddy to fall back on... you'll be fine...you have your enablers... your golden... you will 'recover'...just as I have 'recovered'...

....and I have recovered.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wow, almost a year. Boy have you come a long way!!!!!

Won't it be good to have him and the divorce behind you?

You have done so well. I'm proud of you


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Wow, almost a year. Boy have you come a long way!!!!!
> 
> Won't it be good to have him and the divorce behind you?
> 
> You have done so well. I'm proud of you


You just made my day Ele. Yea he walked out Nov. 11th. so yea. 
Yes I've come a long way...starting with being in 'here'...in no way could I have gotten that second wind without all of you... 'no....way'....I was so very very 'dark'.... very dark. Lethal. Brings me to tears just typing about it...I sure can relate to the pain I read on here...as all of you could relate to mine. Internet is a fine place for things such as this...the ability to reach out...and sooooooo many of you reached out to me...and was there...and 'still' are and a few became my personal friend...well at least moved on to know my real name and be on my facebook...lol...which is open to any invite out there who may be interested  it's just ...all good. 

John is coming sunday night...I think I did talk about him here...(still hazy having first cup of coffee)....'if' we hit it off the way 'we think' we might... I will then be 'in a relationship'.... heh...yea...I just typed that... 'wow'.... a year of cougar playin' will be at rest...HAHAHAA! oh lmao... but daymn it was fun...no regrets...but I might've found something 'real'... 'if' we hit it off in person... 
he will be with me for nine days...I think I"m going to know within 9 minutes... lol. 
Then I have that test for corrections in wisconsin...provided I don't bomb that...I walk into an interview... 

Yea...a year later... almost to the day...

I just want a better life for myself...something all of us should have and do deserve..it's getting ourselves out of our ruts and handling the pain of our break ups...etc...to be able to do it to get there...the path...the road...the bumpy road...it's difficult...daxmn difficult...but we have each other to hold one another up and fall back on and to just 'be there'... and listen...

yea...wouldn't have rolled out of bed with out this place... 

So yanno know what...it's not about the cards your dealt people...it's how you play the hand...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

*Thank you Ele for saying your proud of me... 

I hope your smiling because you put a smile on my face and got me teary eyed reading that... 'snif....


----------



## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

She's not the only one proud of you Stella.

So much to see in a year. I think what impresses me most is,how well you have seemed to channel your anger etc.

Damn, you have reason enough to be angry and bitter but you seem to have managed to not let that rule you, instead you hace used ir to fuel you.

Ahh what i would have given to be cougared not so long ago. You make dure he is worthy of you.

I cant exactly tell anyone to go slow, but I can say to go carefully. Good luck, you reserve some!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> ...and I have recovered.


.

Not yet - not quite...but you will

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Omg...some court house shixt went down...


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> Omg...some court house shixt went down...


???????


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So I was standing in the hallway..a long hallway..chairs up agains the wall...john sitting in one on my left...my atty. sort of an angle standing close by. 

I'm watching for marty and his atty...they process through the metal detector and here he comes...straight for me. I didn't dress up...I didn't expect to go to court being we were settling...I was wrong... but I was dressed very nice...including a long black leather jacket....anyway...marty is heading right for me...in line with me...we made eye contact... I felt as confident as the last court date when he was a no show...but so we made eye contact...I turned my more into a suttle stare down... meaning I stayed dead on into his eyes...but not looking 'mean'...just 'matter of fact' if you will... so he comes toward me and has to take a left into a room...as soon as he got close enough...well first of all I didn't give up the eye contact...he did when he made a left turn...I didn't take my eyes off of him...ok so when he got 'really close'...I started to speak to john in spanish...in spanish I said..."look papito he is here...I don't like him...he is an 'muy pendejo'...and a couple other sentences...john started to speak back (he's mexican...spanish is his second language however)...anyway john starts to speak back to me...so here we are talking in spanish to each other... as marty and his atty. hears this as they continue their walk into the conference room....again my never taking my eyes off of him... I stood tall...and confident and spoke what I wanted to speak... 

So my atty. and martys atty go back and forth on stuff...apparently marty has some issues reguarding a few things that never went his way anyway... 

but during my atty.s back and forth...stuff martys atty. took note of my and Johns conversation...and said "they were speaking a different language what is that language?" ... 

ok...that's not it..but it was clearly noticed...having said that... 

ready???? 

My atty. was in and out of that room with them several times going back and forth and on occasional the two attys. spoke down the hall with just each other.. 
So at one point my atty. goes into the conference room and reaches across the table to grab some paper work....and marty clenched his teeth and put his finger pointing at my atty...and turns toward him..to where martys atty...needed to intercept for 'too close for comfort' type of thing...sort of separate marty from my atty...
He clenched his teeth and pointed his finger at my atty. and said... something to the effect of "how is it ok for you to have your client come here with another man"...or "why didn't you tell your client she couldn't bring her boyfriend".... ok.. you guys I don't remember the exact words that I was told... but my atty. stood up and said..."I do not control Stella... she does what she wants and she can excorsize her rights".... 

Having said this...martys atty. made it very clear marty was boiling...livid...and being difficult... my atty. said... "if your client does not sign and hand over a check within minutes of walking into that court room I'm putting stella on the stand and the trial will begin...today...now as scheduled and were ready." martys atty said he wasn't prepared for that... and my atty. said then you better get in there and get him to agree and sign...you've had months...to prepare and were doing this 'today'...now." 

After about another 20 minutes it was in the court room we went... and marty agreed to everything... my atty. wanted. 'and' handed over a check. .. Now, this check does not bail me out of my problems...i'm royally screwed...bankruptcy is going to have to happen...positive I don't have a choice in this...next step is to check this out..now that this is done. etc etc... 
but marty will be also sending me a monthly check /maint. for a year... 

Also,...I don't have to hand over the storage key for the next week or two..need to put more stuff in there that I don't want etc...having said that... he has no idea 'yet'...his **** got sold... 'all of it' that was worth 10 bucks or more...gone... 
'but'...he cannot prove what was marital property or not...and there's a clause about being able to sell marital property to pay bills.. 
in the divorce decree...it's worded extremely well and protected where he gets what he gets in that shed...and 'thats' it....basically 'when he sees his ****'s gone'....Im protected...there will be nothing he can do... but 'if' he got a wild hair and went to his atty. to 'try' and take me to court...his atty. will have dumped him by then...his atty. has had enough of marty...and his uncooperative antics... so marty would have to seek yet another atty...pay them...etc etc... 

having said that....my check...was from his parents bank account of course...cashed it 20 min after court... his parents are not going to want to spend another 'dime' on this or me... done. It will be the last kick in the teeth... I kicked his ass in this divorce...at every turn... and stood my ground and confident...with a handsome man with me...

Was it worth this last hurrah.... 'he!! yes it was'...worth every second...worth the entire year.... 
His being livid...jealous?? ....angry that there was another man there with me... hm....why? He left me...he wanted out...he wanted to bail time and time again... and he was to 'demand' respect and felt disrespected cos john was there? Really? 
Or did he realize what he had...after a year... Or...'see' I have moved on and am strong and survived without him...
He didn't see the meek little woman I once was...teary eyed and missing him... or scared... he was expecting this...to 'get off on it'...as he used to when he made me miserable.... he wanted me to be hurt and alone...and sad.... 

But he didn't get that.... he got 'screwed'... and seen what/who I had become in the year... and that I have 'balls'.... and yes moved on... 

Yes...it was worth it... 

I'm divorced by the way...judge signed it on the spot...no waiting... 

Done.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

As for john...he's still here...and doing stuff around here for me... 
as wonderful as he is.. 

I'm not ready... just not ready... I have to 'stay on my own' for a bit... 

he's a catch... he is... but 'i'm just not there'...


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

So glad it's finally over, I've kept up with your thread for a long time. You sound so strong and confident...you definitely had the last laugh with that jerk. So cool you sold all his sh!t!!! Ha ha ha

Congrats


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Glad you got this part of it behind you. 

Now you can truly begin to move on. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Amazing stuff Stella! So happy for you!!!!


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

So happy for you Stella!! Finally....Take Care


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Stella,

What your wrote about the D made all the hairs on my whole body stand up... ok not all of the hairs, but all the flight and flight folicles. Put a few packages of mouse poison in the container.

What of his shxt was it most fun to sell?

It must have been great selling it for less than it was worth. You were a bıtch to him in the end and he deserved to feel your teeth. Put camera up at the storage place.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have done great.

Ex's reaction to John being there is down right funny. He deserved the misery he's put himself into.




Stella Moon said:


> As for john...he's still here...and doing stuff around here for me...
> as wonderful as he is..
> 
> I'm not ready... just not ready... I have to 'stay on my own' for a bit...
> ...


Just be on your own for a while and date. If you and John are meant to be, he will still be around when you are ready. If not there will be plenty of good guys to pick from.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Stella,
> 
> What your wrote about the D made all the hairs on my whole body stand up... ok not all of the hairs, but all the flight and flight folicles. Put a few packages of mouse poison in the container.
> 
> ...


The brand new ice ogre he got from his parents....:FIREdevil:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You have done great.
> 
> Ex's reaction to John being there is down right funny. He deserved the misery he's put himself into.
> 
> ...



So john and I talked...and I told him I wanted this 'slow'....and he was cool about it. Then I raped him...and now I can't keep my hands off of him. 
Took him to WI he met my best friend...she thinks he's great  then my son met him when we got back so that was cool. Everyone digs him. He's done so much around the lake house. 

Passed my wi test....for state prison system...also had a great interview infront of a panel of three. 

Next week or so I have another interview for a county jail position...after a psyche test...

Still absorbing the courthouse drama...it took me a bit off guard...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Glad to hear it's all going so well. Pretty soon you will be able to move. 

The court room drama was pretty predictable. Your ex wants you to be miserable. He wanted you to feel miserable and miss him. You did not play his game. He has so lost control and he cannot stand it.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Glad to hear it's all going so well. Pretty soon you will be able to move.
> 
> The court room drama was pretty predictable. Your ex wants you to be miserable. He wanted you to feel miserable and miss him. You did not play his game. He has so lost control and he cannot stand it.


I believe every word of this.


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> So john and I talked...and I told him I wanted this 'slow'....and he was cool about it. Then I raped him...and now I can't keep my hands off of him.
> Took him to WI he met my best friend...she thinks he's great  then my son met him when we got back so that was cool. Everyone digs him. He's done so much around the lake house.
> 
> Passed my wi test....for state prison system...also had a great interview infront of a panel of three.
> ...


 Stella Good for you

And remember

The best thing God ever made was another day

Now you have yours and many to follow

I am sure you will make the most of them


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Hi guys, 

giving you an update...both the state and county have invited me to continue in the interview process...so I'm moving forward with their requests so things are looking up...'yet'...getting more difficult. It's hard to explain what I mean by this...but it is...every 'phase' of their requests is difficult and i have to pass this or pass 'that'....blah blah blah... I really don't want the state job as i wouldn't be in the location I want...I'd be in the State of Wisconsin but not the city...the county job would do me perfect 'but'... they have only 3 FT positions and they have one position that is part time...they asked if I was offered that would I take it...I did tell them 'yes'....but that would indeed 'suxck' because i really need Ft... so I'm still just moving forward... 

I also am moving forward with john... fell in love with him I did. I am now also in a committed relationship... and happy. He is good to me and I know how I feel when he leaves and has to drive back to Nebraska for work... it suxcks...and no I won't be moving to Nebraska...it's not what I want. I'm not losing sight of my goals and plans...I'm following what my hearts desire is...and he respects that...and I respect the fact he's keeping his job that pays well and it will provide an excellent retirement for him/us in the future...so we will just stay as we are... a long distance relationship until/unless there's a different path for us...  it's difficult...but this is what were going to do. My kids met him...my son only for a few minutes...my daughter for a few hours...geez she grilled him...lol...but in time...things will fall into place...after all if it's meant to be it's meant to be...he's a great communicator. I love that the most about him...His biggest thing is making sure things are 'ok'...and when I get 'riled'...he handles me well...he's patient... he knows i can be difficult...a spitfire...a handful...but he's also treated with respect...I have respect for a man that communicates...and can 'let me be me'...I'm raw with him...I dig that. Being he's read my blog...he's absorbed who I am as Stella Moon...who I had to be to survive Marty....and who I've been in the last year...
Being I only had two days off this week...spent it in WI at a job interview and testing I didn't get to the storage key/bringing the rest of martys crap to it...etc etc....still need to get that done... I also have to check into bankruptcy...paper work should be in my mail box.... and i have a back ground packet to fill out for one of these jobs...and a fitness test to schedule for the other/this is going to suck because these are hard.......blah blah blah... 

I wish I had two days to just veg infront of the tv combined with some solid sleep...at work right now...but I'm hungry...lol... 

Anyway, wanted to give an update...say hello...and read some threads...


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Sounds like you're doing okay. I like hearing about your story with your new guy. Gives me hope for my own future someday. It shows anything is possible if you really want it. 
Good luck on the job/hiring process. I'm sure you will do fine.


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Stella Keep looking to find your ballance in life

And the world will turn nicely for you

Get some rest and have sweet dreams young lady

All the best

D


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Hello all...an update.. 

I landed a job in Wisconsin.. so...goal met. I start training in ******* for 6wks...starting Jan. 27th...then I begin working at the prison after that. I would rather have a county jail job because the rate of pay would be higher and the location is in Wausau...this prison job is an hour away...'but' it gets my 'foot in the door' within this field therefor I did accept it. 
I will be giving an official notice to the plant soon after the first although most already know..I need to get a few ducks in a row reguarding a few other things yet. 
John is here for 9 days..  I also decided to 'try' and hand onto my lake house...with johns help..were going to try and fix up the bathroom...and make this house 'ready to rent'...and profit from it...'if' this can be pulled off and yet 'allow' me to move as well... 

I will be taking a $6 pay cut with this new job..I will try for a mortg. remodification after I start this new job to lower my mortgage here...then have a company help me rent it out and maintain this property...'if' i can pull this off. Having said that...after I get that modification...I will also have to see about filing for bankruptcy...it's time to see about clearing all this debt I've got (thanks to the stbxh) but it is what it is...but I will be able to recover quickly if i can keep this place and I already talked to the credit union and will be able to keep my visa...my fj and my line of credit with them...'so'...if all goes well...I should be ok...'if' all goes well... 

All I can do is try... 

But yea... goal met... going to be moving... goodbye Mn.. goodbye to the ex as the 'air here is too thick' for us both to breathe it...goodbye to the nuk plant...must start fresh...new location...new job...new man... 

Just 'new'... BAM!


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Good for you Stella. I'm happy to see you're turning a new page in all of this, what a difference between now and the first day you arrived.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Congrats Stella...for the new job ..


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Wrote my letter of resignation to the plant last night...dang my heart was heavy...I tear up in a second. My last night is the night of the 23rd...it's so hard. I broke down on my kitchen floor the other night...I think I was hugging my lake house..lol...yea I had some alcohol in me but that's not to say it matter when I become teary eyed about leaving my house... I'm scared man... I have some reservations about some shxt yanno. Leaving a high buck job I like...not love but like. My lake house I love but it can be hard to manage for me because it's up keep can be difficult...I have boxes surrounding me...began taking stuff off the walls...I don't even have a place to bring this stuff so it will stay here... 6 wks of training in ******* coming up...then I begin work...staying with my sons father...so no 'place/home' for myself.. so in 'transition' as they say.. I'm so glad I have john through this...he is so supportive and helpful.. he's been coming here every few days to help me out with things that need to be done. He's coming for the work Christmas party...and to take the fj in to get some things updated. I also need a luggage rack...well I have one of those but I need the box thing on top...can't think of the name... vynl one that can be more storage for me with all the traveling I will be doing. It's hard to work these shifts with my team...i work with a couple of morons and dixckheads but they are still my morons and dxckheads yanno...gonna miss them even. My last night there will be the 23rd. Seriously though...I sound like a broken record but it was hard to email that resignation... I was all teary eyed....and when approached or talked to about it I have to fight to not break down...and sometimes I do...ugh! I am so sentimental...more on the mental side these days I think. I know I want to keep the lake house to rent it out but so much work needs to be done in order for that to happen...and then there's the keeping up on the mortgage thing... did I mention my WI job is a 6 dollar pay cut? lmfxao... yeap... ha! Geez...oh well... cost of living cheaper in WI...and I will work OT...no problem there.. lol... sigh... 

I'm scared...and excited.. I hate the 'transition'...I want to be settled and in a home in a routine... my stbxh 'did' send his first maintenance check...blew my attys. mind... apparently even when he went to the locker and seen his stuff was gone/sold he gave up and didn't/couldn't fight anymore...no doubt his atty. was done dealing with him and his parents were done flipping the bill and didn't want to go up against my atty... so yea...he's paying.. and not coming after me for anything...I'm grateful... I needed that mortgage payment at the time and besides i'm still broke and have to see a bankruptcy atty. on the 15th...not like i'm on a bed of roses...my credit is officially destroyed... 
suxks... 
Anyway... this is the latest...moving on with moving on...


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Happy New Year Stella! =D


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella good luck to you hun!. onward and upward... You will be a success no matter what you do!


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Movin on is hard. Hope your roots find fertile soil and clear water.

Sorry to hear about your X's missing stuff. Oh, well, shxt happens.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Good luck Stella. 

Happy New Year! 

Happy New Life!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Movin on is hard. Hope your roots find fertile soil and clear water.
> 
> Sorry to hear about your X's missing stuff. Oh, well, shxt happens.


Yea it was the wierdest daxmn thing I'm sure...

I imagine he opened the storage shed/rented locker and seen that anything that was worth any money...was simply just 'not there'...Hmmm..... :scratchhead:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

You are going to be just fine Miss Stella.

HUgs,and Happy new Year!


love and peace sweetheart x


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Just checking in Stella

Nothing worth doing If it's easy and without risk

Trust your instincts your move will payoff when what you give is all you got

55


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella,

Wishing you all the good luck and peace and happiness and joy on the start of you new journey.It will be good.
Happy new year.
Ok any of you guys(stella,doureallycare2,oncehisangel) want to connect with through FB then PM me


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

How is everyone doing? I hope well. I'm in WI and still in training mode...have two more weeks...been doing great on their 'three tests' a week...it's the hard final that scares me...and their self defense was pretty fun...nothing like getting gassed, tazed and maced and my body is SO sore from their self defense tactics... seen a lot of video of prison violence and cell extractions... I have it in my head to perhaps get on the negotiation team...try to 'talk' the inmate into cooperation before needing a take down or cell extraction... if negotiation doesn't work..then I can send in the ERU team...etc... just thinking out loud. 

Well, check this out... I got an offer on my lake house.. yea..it was on the market for two days... bitter sweet... they want to check the zoning/township about the ability to build onto...or up..the house.. that house needs this kind of tlc.. I hope it works out..I guess they really love it... as do i... 

I miss 'being settled' and having a home to go too.. my two dogs are one place and john has my cat and bird in NE... the good news is... he's trying to buy me a house... yea... a house... how cool is that? We went and picked one out...it's not in the country tho... THAT SUCKS...'but' the one we picked out is SO NICE!! Full basement...finished...work bench down there...double attached garage... BIG bathroom...shower and tub are separate...1/2 bathroom down stairs... and three bedrooms...here's the kicker...the entire house is furnished...LOADED with antiques as well... I mean 'loaded'... china dishes...old tools and tool machine type things...the cubards are filled with antique dishes...pots and pans...and there's an electric guitar...army stuff...amo...and a piano (they 'might' take that they haven't decided) full bed room sets...NICE bed room sets...lit up china cabinet...another tv...an old fashion sewing machine...and what I like the most about this house besides being loaded...is its CLEAN...newer...CLEAN ready to move in house... so the couple living there passed away..I think their dad was the last in the house and the kids are all adults...living in florida and california... they don't want 'any' of the stuff in the house...they don't even want to deal with what's left over...so they are grateful we would take the house and all in it... this place is a gold mine...it will take a month for me to go through it with a fine tooth comb and set it up and keep what I want etc... I love antiques... there's a big bay window in the living room... 

My stuff is still at the lake house... trying to 'time' this all out could be a bit of a problem.. I"m hoping this loan goes through without a problem so we have the house here in WI... you just never know... john got denied a couple times already because he still lives in NE... john also found out his company has train tracks here in WI...so instead of being 12hrs away...he'd be three hrs away...so we could resume a more normal relationship... he'd come 'home' on his rest days. 
I still want a county job...it's just closer and in the town I want to live in... doing this prison gig I will be driving an hr every day...some people like that... I don't...but doing 'this job' is better foot in the door for the other one... 
Miss you guys... I am on facebook if anyone is interested...I know I put that out there a couple times... let me know.. 

(((hugs)))


----------



## Brystensmom (Feb 3, 2014)

Wow, I just read your first post, and your last post. Thank you for sharing your world with us... it touched me
Your intensity everything about you is so raw and real. I appreciate it. When I have time I will read every last page... but Thankk you for this.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Hi Stella, havnt been on for a month I think, but very nice to see the changes in your life. Im so happy that you are on a better and more loving path in your life!

durc2


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella,DYRC2....
Hope you guys are doing well by the grace of God.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> Stella,DYRC2....
> Hope you guys are doing well by the grace of God.


Hi JMB, How are you? Everything going ok? I'm doing well. Ups and downs but that God more ups then downs! :smthumbup:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Graduated last friday...and recieved my badge and cert. from the secretary of corrections...it was a big ceremony...

What I didn't expect.... was to be one of the 8 out of 103 to stand up and be recognized for maintaining a 95% during the entire 7wk program. We got a cert for that also... so that was pretty neat. 

I got a 91% on my final. 

So that's done. Goal met... 'now' to get out of this job...and keep going for county... so I can live in the town I want without driving an hour... 

My stuff is still at the lake house... house still up for sale and have lookers... and john is still moving in the direction of closing on the house he's buying us... 

Still stressed... but trying to get through it... I'm living with my sons father and his brother.... I have a great relationship with my sons father... but his brother.... omg....makes me friggin crazy and it's hard not to bxtch slap him... you have no idea... 
I'm not cut out to live with other people... I really hope that house comes through for us... I miss my stuff...my tv's...my bed...and rest of my clothes...just 'my stuff'...


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Congratulations for the certification! Stella and all the best for the house thing and job location of your choice. :smthumbup:

I do not know whether you guys read books but this is one book which I loved reading and want to share it all of you.Please please please please do read it guys and do share it with your loved ones........

Its magical......
'The power of Now' by Echart Tolle.


And another one from the same author 'A new Earth'...
I just hope you guys read these books for sure (ofcourse if you ahve not already read it )........


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You're great, Stella.


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Congrats on the graduation! Looks like things are mostly going well for you.


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Congrats Stell!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

thanks guys... 


really trying...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I just caught up on your life Stella (I've been off-line for a few months). 

Contrasts on all the great changes you've made!!!!!

Keep us posted from time to time.


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Proud of you Stella

55


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Still waiting on closing on this house...it's been a nightmare. 
Hate being broke... put in for some OT so I will be working 16hr shifts... 
I get offers on the lake house... too little money...not taking them...not going to sell myself short 'quite yet'... 

Doing all that I can not to kill my ex brother in law (from 25 years ago...my sons fathers brother)...living with these guys...my ex is fine...we get along great!...but my ex brother in law...makes me border line nutz. We've already gone nose to nose...it got pretty fugly. 
I need to move out of here...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is there anywhere else you can stay for a while? That's a bummer that you have to put up with him. 

I guess if you work a lot, that's a lot less of the guy you need to put up with.. one way to look at it anyway.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Stella, you are still a woman on a mission, and you can see the end. It will all work out. Keep walking away from jerk-boy ex-bil, you can do it.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Happy New Year, Stella!


----------

